Datasets:

lucadiliello

/

STORIES

like 4

The hotel had a dining room , and a kitchen which functioned pretty much constantly , but we seldom ate there . This was partly because the food was rather predictable , and partly because my employer hated to discuss business when she was eating . When we ate at the hotel the business of running U - town often intruded on our meals . As we ate , I gradually became aware that somebody behind me , in the next booth , was saying , " - it sounds crazy , I know , but I 've heard him in her room . You can hear them going at it , at night . But there 's no way he could get into the building , other than through her window . " At dinner , several days later , we heard about vampires again . We were on the other side of town , in a brand new Indian restaurant which had been recommended to us . As we were sipping our after - dinner coffee , a man came over to our table . " If it 's medical in nature , please go to the hospital . You can mention my name , if you like , though it will have no effect on the treatment you receive . If your problem is not medical , please come to see me during regular office hours . " He moved a fraction of an inch toward an empty chair at our table . " Someone your size , " she said , " Marshall could overpower you without having to stand up , and he could eject you from this place without putting down his cup or spilling his coffee . Is there any reason this couldn 't be handled normally ? " " I 'd be embarrassed , " he said , stepping back . " I think someone who lives in my building is a vampire . " She waved a hand , dismissing him , and turned back to the table , tapping the ash from her cigarette . Christy sidled into the room , looking a bit abashed . " I asked him not to do that , " she said , smiling , as Fifteen approached her . She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek . He bowed deeply again and left the room , looking even more pleased with himself than usual . Still smiling , Christy said goodbye and left the meeting room . It was unusual for someone from the Jinx to joke with us like that , but her position was unique . She was a member of the Jinx , but she was also in a relationship with Fifteen , so we saw her socially from time to time . Fifteen was young , perhaps only a year or two older than his name . He was usually attired in cutoff jeans and a faded T - shirt , with his head shaved . Christy was somewhat older . My employer , the great detective , estimated her age as late thirties . I would have said a few years younger than that , but Jan accused me of being swayed by a pretty face , glorious red hair , and a shapely figure . I denied this accusation , of course . In any case , Fifteen had fallen for Christy the first moment he 'd seen her . She had been flattered , but she 'd always made it clear to him that the very idea was silly . I will admit that the rest of us did tease him about this infatuation from time to time ( although not in front of her , of course ) . He nodded . " Come on in , " he said , holding the door open for us . " She 's in her office . I 'll take you there . " We followed him down a long , gloomy corridor and up two flights of stairs . All the walls and floors were poured concrete , and our footsteps sounded very loud . My employer had affected a casual attitude about this visit to the Jinx , but she had changed her tie three times before leaving the hotel , and she 'd briefly considered changing her suit . As I said in the hospital story , relations with the Jinx were important , and I know she was thinking what a feather it would be in her cap if she figured out a way to bring them more into the U - town project . Dr . Lee stood up as we entered the room , which surprised me . I 'd joked on the way over that we might be required to kneel . I had never met her , but everything I 'd heard about her had indicated that she was a formidable person . She was fairly small , with dark curly hair , dressed in jeans , a black T - shirt , and a leather jacket . It was difficult to be sure about her age , but I thought she was at least in her thirties . " Please sit down , " Dr . Lee said . We sat on the sofa , and she took one of the chairs . She said , " You may smoke , by the way . I appreciated that you identified Felix 's murderer . " She smiled a bit . " And Neil appreciated that you made it clear that his precautions were not at fault . " She shook her head . " Nothing so dramatic . Or , actually , I should say that it 's not that serious , at least so far . It is somewhat dramatic . But I don 't want to prejudice you . I want you to see for yourself . " She stood up . " Please come with me . " She led us back down two flights of stairs and along another hall . We ended up in a small room that was obviously being used as a medical office . A man , wearing a white lab coat over jeans and a T - shirt , stood up from a desk as we came in . Based on what I could see of his hands , wrists , and neck , he seemed quite heavily tattooed . The tattooed man inclined his head in acknowledgment , and my employer introduced herself . She almost never introduced me . Nikolai gestured at the woman on the table . " She 's lost quite a bit of blood . " Jan limped forward and leaned over to regard Åsa . " How did she lose the blood ? " she asked . Nikolai pulled down the collar of Åsa 's shirt , showing two punctures on her neck , but Åsa reached up to cover them again , turning away from us . Dr . Lee motioned for us to follow her back into the outer office , closing the door . Nikolai remained with Åsa . My employer lit a cigarette as Dr . Lee spoke . We went up one flight of stairs and into another wing . Dr . Lee pushed open a door , surprising Christy , who was sitting on one of the two mattresses on the floor of the small room . She had apparently just removed her T - shirt , and she quickly grabbed her leather jacket and pulled it on , zipping it up . I chuckled and she leaned forward to look at the jeans , the T - shirt , and the underwear , but her main attention was focused on the boots . She lifted them one at a time and examined them carefully . When she was done , I helped her back to her feet and she smiled . She had something in her hand , and she slipped it into her jacket pocket . A moment later , Christy came back in , her arms full of sheets . She put them on the other mattress , the one which presumably belonged to Åsa , and I went to pick them up one at time for my employer 's examination . She looked at them , but I could tell she had already decided what we were going to do next . She shrugged . " Fairly well , I guess . We 've been roommates since we got here , to U - town . But we 're not close . " Dr . Lee nodded . " So have I , for a couple of weeks now . I don 't believe in that sort of thing , and I 'm sure you don 't either . However , I have had some experience with what can happen when you live in a community and that community turns against you because of rumors and hysteria . " " You see the potential for panic , apparently , " my employer said . Dr . Lee nodded . " So do I . Most people are too savvy to fall for this , but a vocal minority can create all kinds of problems , for all of us . And , most importantly , if it becomes known that there are some sort of attacks going on , it doesn 't require belief in the supernatural to become alarmed . And I am not , by the way , ruling out the possibility of - " Christy sat in the empty chair , smoothing her skirt , and my employer said , " I want to ask you a few questions . We 're trying to figure out what 's happening with Åsa , so we can try to help her . She hasn 't confided anything to you , has she ? " Christy shook her head . " She doesn 't talk about it . If you ask about why she 's losing weight or anything like that , she just says she 's fine . " Jan nodded . " She said that to us , too . I wasn 't convinced . Have you noticed any other changes recently , aside from her weight ? " " It 's obvious that she hasn 't been feeling well . She 's always kind of pale , and she gets tired a lot . I don 't think she 's been eating much . " " There was a guy , Lloyd . He liked her , but I don 't think it turned into anything . She 's pretty serious - kind of a romantic - and he 's a joker . Not her type , I wouldn 't think . " Dr . Lee turned to Christy . " He 'll be outside . Please send him in . " She turned to Jan . " Will you want to speak to Christy any more ? " A moment later , a man came in . He was fairly small , his Jinx uniform of jeans , black T - shirt , and leather jacket supplemented by a porkpie hat . He had a small goatee . " Lloyd , " Dr . Lee said , " this is Jan Sleet , and Marshall O ' Connor , her assistant . They will ask you some questions , which you should answer honestly and completely . Please sit down . " " I was interested in her . . . romantically . " He shrugged . " I don 't think that 's a big secret . But she made it pretty clear that she was not interested in me . But then , a few nights ago - it was the day Felix died in fact - I was asleep . My roommate - " " So , I was alone . Then I woke up , and it was completely dark out . The window was open , and I knew I had left it closed . I sat up in bed and got my knife from under my pillow . The room was very dark , and I tried to see what was going on , but then I saw her , Åsa , on the windowsill . She was crouching there , naked , and her skin was very white . She smiled and said something , but I couldn 't hear her for some reason . I put the knife down on the table . " He sighed . " This is going to sound crazy , but she . . . it seemed like she floated over to the bed and she landed on top of me . The sheets were gone . . . " His voice trailed off , and he looked uncomfortable . He shook his head . " That 's what I thought at first , when I woke up . It wouldn 't have been the first time that I 'd . . . thought about her like that . But when I woke up , I was . . . " He was clearly trying to figure out how to describe this delicately . My employer 's three - piece suits and her precise diction and her owlish way of asking questions often reminded people of unpleasant experiences with stern schoolteachers . " I was bruised , " Lloyd said finally , " in a private area , where I hadn 't known it was possible to get bruised . I even went to Nikolai about it , since I was concerned that there might be some sort of . . . damage . He commented on the odor , which was quite strong . He joked that , for once , I must have been enjoying someone other than my own hand . He asked who it was , but I didn 't tell him anything . " He hunched his shoulders . " That was the next night . This has happened every night since . But she still ignores me completely during the day . " He shrugged . " It 's kind of creepy . It 's almost as if she 's mad at me for some reason . She 's never friendly , or loving ; she almost never speaks , and she hasn 't kissed me except one time when she bit my lip and drew blood . " He pulled down his lower lip and showed us the punctures . My employer went to the window and looked out . " Lloyd 's room is on this side of the building , " Dr . Lee said . " Just down the hall , in fact . " Jan nodded thoughtfully and lit another cigarette . " There are houses across the street , " she said , " some of which I know to be inhabited . You 'd think somebody would have noticed a naked woman climbing this wall every night . " " There is a disagreement between my patient and myself . She wants to go back to her room tonight and sleep there . I think she should sleep in the infirmary , where she can get help by the intercom if she should need it . I understand that Christy is not planning to sleep here tonight , so Åsa would be alone - " She chuckled . " Maybe I cut myself shaving . Why , do you think it was a . . . vampire ? " She said it in a spooky voice , her eyes wide . Then she snorted . " I thought you were supposed to be a detective . " " Åsa , " Dr . Lee said quietly , " you will sleep in the infirmary tonight . Nikolai , please arrange that you or Betty will be available by intercom all night if needed . And Åsa , please do let them know if you need any help , no matter how minor . Tomorrow we 'll figure out what we need to do about tomorrow night . " She nodded and turned her attention back to us , and from their reaction it was clear that this was a dismissal . Åsa did not look happy , but if she was annoyed or resentful she kept it under control . They left , and I noticed Lloyd in the hall again . When the door was closed , Dr . Lee said , " I want her to be able to get medical help if she needs it , something Christy couldn 't really provide anyway . On the other hand , I don 't want somebody to stay in the room with her , because I 'm curious to see what she will do . We know she went out last night , and either she doesn 't remember or she refuses to tell us . If she goes out again , I want to know where she goes . " Jan nodded . " I agree . We need to watch and see what she does tonight . Will she go out ? Will she visit Lloyd again ? If so , will she climb up the outside of the building naked ? Can you have a couple of people work with Marshall on this ? " Dr . Lee turned toward the door and called , " Neil . " The door opened , and I wondered how many other people were waiting around out there in case she needed them . " Is Rex here ? " she asked him . " The infirmary has two exits , " she continued to us . " A door and a window . We 'll keep both under observation , without letting her know she 's being watched . There 's a rec room across the hall from the infirmary door . Rex often plays cards in there during the evening , and Neil sometimes sits in as well . It won 't arouse suspicion for them to spend the evening there , and they can keep an eye on the infirmary door . " Jan nodded . " That sounds good . I noticed a building across the street that seems to be empty . Marshall could operate from there , watching the window . " " And Christy can work with him . " She turned to me . " Lloyd 's window is on the same side of the building - Christy will know which one - so you can see if Åsa does any nocturnal climbing . " " What if she takes a motorcycle somewhere ? " I asked . " Then we won 't be able to follow her unless Christy has a motorcycle as well , and then she 'd see us . " Dr . Lee shook her head . " All the bikes are accounted for , always . If she 's going out and she wants to keep it a secret from me , she 'll walk . " So , several hours later , Christy and I were sitting on a coffee table . It was the only item of furniture in the living room of the empty house across the street from the Jinx headquarters . We had long since exhausted our supply of small talk , and we were quietly sharing a thermos of coffee when she suddenly said , " Look . " A foot in a sandal appeared in the window , and then a pale , slender leg came slowly over the sill , followed by another , and then the pale globes of Åsa 's posterior as she lowered herself carefully to the sidewalk . For a second , as her back came into view , I was afraid that we really would be following a naked woman around , but then , as the rest of her came out of the window , a dark and billowy garment appeared on her shoulders and fell around her body as she straightened up . She pulled the window most of the way down . I had been looking at that wall for a couple of hours , and I was not sure that it would be possible to climb from the street up to a window on the third floor . The wall was nearly smooth , all concrete . There were areas above and below each window where the concrete stuck out a little , shaped to look like a row of bricks , presumably for decoration , but I couldn 't see how it could be done . It was a chilly , drizzly night , and the streets were nearly deserted . I wore a dark coat and slacks , and Christy wore a black trench coat and jeans , with a dark baseball cap pulled down over her full red hair . She 'd explained that , since members of the Jinx wore their leather jackets all the time , they were often not recognized if they wore something else . We made an effort to be inconspicuous as we followed Åsa , but it didn 't seem to matter . She never looked around , though a couple of times she slowed and seemed to waver , and one time she put out a hand as she turned a corner , leaning against a building for a moment . She kept the coat ( or whatever it was ) wrapped around her , so it wasn 't possible for the few people she passed to see that she was naked under it . We followed her for eight or ten blocks , away from the center of U - town , toward the highway and the river . Then she turned a corner and slowed . We slowed also , and then stopped , ducking under an awning . After a moment , still without looking around , she walked forward . We came up to the corner as she crossed the street toward a tall fence with an ornate gate in the middle of the block . I motioned and we crossed the street , peering in between the iron uprights of the fence . From there , the house itself was visible through the trees , and we could see Åsa hurrying around to the side of the house . We watched her open a door and slip inside . The house was old and decrepit - looking , and there were no lights visible through the trees . " I don 't remember the whole story , " I said quietly , " but I think it 's his family 's house . They used to be rich , but no more . I believe he 's popular with college kids . " We waited for about an hour . The rain had slowed to a light drizzle , but the cold wind was even stronger than it had been before . I wished I 'd worn warmer clothes . My hands were getting familiar with every corner of my coat 's pockets . People walked by from time to time , but not many . At one point , Christy stayed put while I walked quickly around the block , just to see if there was anything significant to observe . I didn 't see anything , but as usual I wondered what my employer might have noticed that I had missed . Then , unexpectedly , Christy put her hand on my arm . It is probably an exaggeration to say that I jumped , but I was not able to completely conceal my surprise , and I saw that she noted my reaction . Christy was , I knew , as tough as any other member of the Jinx when she had to be , but the rest of the time she was fairly prim and proper , and not at all touchy - feely . Also , like some recovering alcoholics ( which I knew her to be ) , she gave the impression that she never made a gesture without evaluating it first . We sprinted back to the corner and concealed ourselves , but again it didn 't seem to matter . Åsa stumbled out of the gate and headed back the way she 'd come , so we followed her . It was starting to rain more steadily now . Her progress was very different , though , and there were times when I was fairly sure she wasn 't going to make it . She walked like she was drunk or drugged , shambling along , nearly losing her balance more than once . She wasn 't managing to keep the coat closed , and at times we could see a bare arm or leg as the cold wind caught the thin fabric . People who were in front of her were clearly seeing somewhat more , and a couple of times she had to rally her remaining strength to unleash some impressive and colorful curses . The next few moments were hectic . Christy ran around the building to the front door . She knocked as I followed her quickly . Somebody opened the door and we rushed in , Christy shouting orders . I got to the empty infirmary , and Neil and Rex appeared from across the hall , then Christy rushed in with Nikolai , the tattooed medic . We got Åsa on the table and he started to examine her . He was wearing only a pair of sweatpants , and the art on his torso was quite striking . I noticed the coat on the floor by the window , where she had dropped it . I picked it up and held it out to examine it . It was a cloak , black , of fairly thin material . My employer smiled as we entered Dr . Lee 's office , and I winked at her , since I hadn 't believed for a moment that she was going to stay home . She was quite capable of going off and leaving me with any sort of unpleasant task , but this case was bothering her . If she had gone home , she would have paced and smoked and fretted . Besides , as I mentioned before , relations with the Jinx were quite important , and I was sure she 'd been working with ( and on ) Dr . Lee . " There are lilac bushes on the grounds , around the house . The only ones I 've ever seen in U - town . They 're not native to this area . " She reached into her pocket . " I found a lilac petal on Åsa 's boot when I examined it this afternoon . It was stuck there by the rain the night before . " There was a quiet knock on the door , and Neil went to open it . He stuck his head out and listened for a moment , then he said , " It 's Lloyd . He 's heard that Åsa is worse , and - " " If you want . She 's unconscious . " She turned to Neil . " Go and check on her . Take Lloyd with you , then come back here and report . " She turned to Rex . " You can go . We don 't need for you to stay up all night . " They all left , and Dr . Lee said , " Assuming that Åsa is stable , I think this is what we should do . Somebody will stay with her all night . There is no more reason to see where she 'd go , we know that now . Now we have to restrain her from going , physically if necessary . No matter what 's going on , it 's obviously killing her . " " I 'll send Christy with you . She can meet you at the hotel first thing tomorrow . " She smiled . " Though she 's probably gone there already . " " Do you have a photograph of Åsa ? " my employer asked . " That would be helpful when we see Ashford . " Dr . Lee looked thoughtful . " I think I can find one . I 'll make sure Christy brings it . " She stood up . " And tomorrow I can introduce you to Spence . He should be back by then . " She turned to go . " He 's Åsa 's boyfriend , " she said as she left . She laughed . " I don 't care if you were playing strip cribbage . We can even wait for you to finish . But this question is important . " Fifteen opened the door . He was wearing a faded T - shirt and garish boxer shorts , his feet bare . Christy was sitting up in bed , wearing a T - shirt , her red hair tousled . " I 'll explain the rules later , " Jan said as she looked around the room , which contained a large bed , a small dresser , and several piles of paper . " I confess I did leave out one thing . The question is short , but it has a long preamble . May I sit on the bed ? " Fifteen looked surprised , since she almost never asked permission . He looked around quickly , not seeing anything that could be used as an ashtray . After a moment , Christy leaned over and retrieved a coffee mug from the floor . Fifteen bustled off to wash it in the bathroom , then he presented it to Jan , who inclined her head , thanked him , and tapped her ash into it . " After you left , Christy , " she began , " Dr . Lee mentioned Åsa 's boyfriend , Spence . I was somewhat surprised , since you hadn 't told us about him . Dr . Lee mentioned him as she was leaving the room - clearly she didn 't intend to tell us anything more than his name - but Marshall got a few details from Neil as we left . They 've been going out for over six months . They 're not demonstrative in public , but the relationship is not a secret . He was away for four days and he just got back today . " So , why had you not mentioned the relationship ? Was it real , or was Dr . Lee making it up ? That seemed unlikely . I couldn 't see why she 'd do that , and in any case it would be too easy to see through . " Were you hiding it from me for some reason ? Again , I couldn 't see what reason you could have , and besides , that would have been futile as well . I 'd be bound to find out , as indeed I did . " Did you not know ? I don 't think so . I couldn 't visualize you sharing a room with somebody and not knowing that person had a lover . There are people who would be that incurious , that indifferent , but you 're not one of them . You 're a warm and friendly and empathic person , so you would have known . Unless Åsa was very anti - social , you and she would have talked about your boyfriends , how the relationships were similar , how they were different , and so on . " That 's if you were roommates . But what if you weren 't her roommate , or maybe you were , but just for a day or two , not for all these months ? That would explain it . And , if that was the truth , and you were lying , it was because you were told to . " So , this is the question . Have you really been Åsa 's roommate for all this time , or were you told to lie ? And I should make it clear that , if you do tell me , the answer won 't go outside of this room . I 'm sorry to have to ask , but I want to figure this whole thing out , and this is a part of it . " Fifteen was sitting next to Christy by then , holding her hand , but she didn 't look at him before answering . She looked down at the sheets as she said , " Yesterday morning , before I came to see you , Dr . Lee sent for me . She told me to move my stuff into Åsa 's room , and then to go see you and invite you to see her . And she said that , when you came to investigate , I should tell you that I 'd been Åsa 's roommate since we got here . " She looked up . " I 'm sorry . " " Dr . Lee wants to know what 's going on . From what Miss Christy has told me , she always wants to know what 's going on . She can 't figure this out herself , so she wants your help . But you 're a detective , a skeptic , you don 't even believe in God , for goodness ' sake , so you 'd probably pooh - pooh the very idea of vampires . But she does want your help - " " Exactly . So , she gets Miss Christy involved , right in the middle of the whole situation . She 's the one who comes to see you , she 's Åsa 's roommate , and she might even be in danger herself from whatever - this - is . " He smiled . " It would probably increase the chance that you 'd want to help . " When I opened the bathroom door , the lights in the bedroom were out . As I felt my way across the room to the chair where I 'd left my pajamas , she said , " I 'm asleep already . But you can wake me up if you want to . " She sighed and turned on the bedside lamp . " No , " she said . " Not yet . " Her hair was freshly brushed around her thin face . She always looked younger without her large , horn - rimmed glasses . She laughed . " Oh , wait , " she said , squirming around . " Hang on . " She fumbled on the bedside table until she found her pad and pencil . She scribbled for a second , then she said , " Okay . Go ahead . " I held out my hand , and she folded the piece of paper and gave it to me . This was a game that we played from time to time . It was her belief that she knew me well enough to predict what was on my mind in most situations . It was my belief that she couldn 't do any such thing , and in matters like this it was not inconceivable that one of us might cheat a little . So , she wrote down her prediction and gave it to me , folded up , before I told her what was on my mind . With the piece of paper safely in my hand , I said , " I 'm wondering at Dr . Lee 's motivation in this . Why does she call you in , rather than dealing with Åsa more directly ? She admits that she doesn 't believe in vampires , so what does she think is going on ? " " She didn 't have it on her . She didn 't leave the infirmary by the door to get it ; Neil and Rex would have seen her . She didn 't have it the night before ; she wore her regular clothes then . Where did it come from ? Somebody must have brought it to her . " She smiled . " Anyway , was I right or not ? " She shook her head . " I 'm not sure . I am sure that part of it is that Dr . Lee wants to know what the heck is going on . But there 's something else . " She sighed . " I don 't know what , though , not yet , nor do I know what 's going on with Åsa . Yet . " She was quiet for a minute , then she said , " I can tell that , in general , Dr . Lee does want to know everything . Look at how she barged in on poor Christy . " She chuckled . " Not that you were complaining , of course . I thought it was diplomatic of you not to drool . " I laughed . " No , not that . " I squeezed her again . " I 'm talking about Dr . Lee 's motivation . I think she 's checking you out for some reason . " In the morning , there was a knock on the door , and Jan said , " I 'm not here . " She pulled a pillow over her head . I went to the door and asked who it was . Vicki Wasserman was around fifteen years old , very small , with long , straight black hair , dressed as always in a black T - shirt and black jeans . She was accompanied by Ray Stone , who was dressed in a worn flannel shirt and jeans , and looked like a derelict . Their appearances aside , they were two of the founders of U - town , and two of the smartest people I 've ever met . I knew what was really bothering her , apart from her usual reluctance to get up in the morning . Dealing with the U - town press always rankled because , in her opinion ( and mine , too , I admit ) she was a better reporter than anybody on the U - town newspaper . But of course , you can 't be part of a government and also report on that government in the press at the same time , no matter what your qualifications are ( and no matter how much you might want to ) . " Fifteen told us you 're investigating this vampire business , " Ray said , " for Dr . Lee . " " Do you know what 's going on ? " Vicki asked , sitting on the edge of the bed . Ray nodded . " There have been a few unexplained incidents , and people have seen Åsa on her midnight prowls . Some people are really getting alarmed , and the whole thing is turning into a fad among some of the younger folks , which doesn 't help . We 'd like to issue a statement , saying that you 're looking into it , but you 're sure it isn 't vampires . " Ray chuckled as Vicki said , " Wait a minute . You think there may really be vampires ? " She laughed . " You don 't believe in God , but you think there are vampires ? " " That 's two different things , " Jan said seriously . " I 've thought and read about the question of god , and I 've concluded that it 's a lot of hooey . Until yesterday , I 'd never thought about vampires at all . " " So , " I said , " we 're seeing this as a psychological problem ? Some sort of mass insanity ? " Since the founding of U - town most of Ray 's attention had been focused on the hospital , specifically the psychiatric department . Vicki laughed . " No , not because of that . Because he 's read a lot of trashy books . " She turned to him . " Are vampire myths always based on religion ? " He drew deeply on his cigarette . " Definitely not . First of all , many vampire stories don 't deal with the question at all . Vampires are made by older vampires , but there 's often no mention of a First Cause . In other stories , it 's a form of blood disease , not supernatural at all . In some stories , in fact , a vampire is created by a curse ( which doesn 't require belief in a deity , after all , only a belief in magic ) , and then cured by science . So , it 's a bit of a hodge - podge . And , of course , real vampires , if there are any , are not obliged to follow the rules set down for fictional ones . " He shook his head . " No , my point is that we need to find out what they 're really saying . We need specifics , not just the label ' vampire . ' For example , do I believe that corpses rise as the living dead , roaming abroad by night , subsisting on the blood of the living , able to become bats or wolves or mist , vulnerable to daylight , and the stake , and the cross , and holy water , and garlic , sleeping in coffins during the day ? No , I do not . " So , I don 't believe in vampires as supernatural creatures . However , do I believe that someone could be out there , attacking people at night and feasting on their blood ? Sure , that 's human evil and insanity , and I do believe in that . " He smiled as he stubbed out his cigarette butt in one of Jan 's many ashtrays . " It wouldn 't be the first time a natural situation was ascribed to supernatural causes out of ignorance . " " Now , here 's something else , " Jan said . " I don 't want to issue a statement about vampires , but I 'm perfectly willing to issue a statement along the lines of ' Jan Sleet is investigating this mystery , and she 's solved every case she 's undertaken since her arrival here in U - town . ' " She smiled . " I would be very comfortable with a statement like that . " Vicki nodded . " I agree . Maybe we should call a meeting for tonight , too , to find out exactly what people have seen , and what they think . Have the runners spread the word . " I had thought that Isaac Ashford 's house might look less gloomy in the clear light of morning , but it didn 't . I pulled open the gate and we stepped inside . The path to the front door was overgrown , the crazy - paving tiles half - covered with dirt and moss . As we got closer to the house , it looked just as gloomy but quite a bit more shabby . I got the impression that Mr . Ashford was devoting more of his resources to atmosphere than to maintenance . After a moment , the door opened ( I won a small bet with myself - it did creak , and quite loudly ) and a young woman regarded us . She was thin and pale , with long black hair . She wore a black mini - skirt and a small black bikini top . Her feet were bare , and her toenails were painted black to match her fingernails . My employer 's hand shot out to block the door , the head of her cane hitting the wood with an impressive crack . The girl looked stunned as Jan pushed her way into the small entryway between the outer and inner doors . " This is not a social call , " she said . " Where is he ? " A tall young man , also pale , also dressed in black ( though somewhat more modestly ) , rose from one of the couches that were placed around the outer wall of the balcony we were on . " Mr . Ashford is working , " he said , walking toward us . " He can 't be - " He made the mistake of reaching for my employer 's arm . His hand didn 't make it , though , because Christy grabbed his wrist , twisted it around behind his back , and calmly said , " Miss Sleet ? Shall I break it ? " My employer shook her head . " Of course not , at least not yet . I 'm sure that when Mr . Ashford said that he was not to be disturbed , he was thinking of autograph seekers and gossip columnists , not - " My employer turned , as calmly as if she had known he was there all along , and extended her hand . " I 'm Isaac Ashford , my dear , " he continued . " It 's always so pleasant to meet a fellow writer . What brings you here today ? " There was no way to avoid it , but my employer was not happy about the invitation . With her bad leg , stairs were very difficult for her if she didn 't have a railing to hold onto . This palatial staircase didn 't have railings , except at the sides , and it would have been an admission of weakness for her to go that far out of her way . I crooked my arm and extended it , as if I was her escort to a formal dinner ( as I had been once or twice ) . She rested her hand on my forearm and we proceeded down the stairs , following Ashford and his acolytes , with Christy behind us . Jan did very well at appearing smooth and relaxed , but the reality was that her long fingers were holding my arm in a grip of iron . The acolytes brought up three chairs as Ashford went to sit behind a huge wooden desk . The room seemed enormous , with clusters of furniture placed here and there , like the lobby of a hotel . The irregular illumination provided by the candles added to the spookiness , since it was difficult to see the walls . She shrugged . " It 's possible you know her under another name . She is about five foot six , with short hair , dyed blonde , and her eyes are pale blue . She is quite thin , and her skin is pale . She is probably around thirty years old . " I took out the photograph , which Christy had given me earlier , and placed it on his desk . He glanced at it and smiled . " She sounds delightful . I hope she does come to visit us someday , but I 'm afraid I don 't know her . " My employer levered herself to her feet . " Åsa came here the night before last , and she left in a weakened state . She may have come before that also ; we don 't know . But we do know that she came back last night and left this house injured and bloody and unable to make it all the way home . " Jan Sleet shook her head . " What 's the cliché ? ' This isn 't a threat , it 's a promise . ' I don 't do either . This is a mystery I 've decided to solve , and my track record speaks for itself . And , when I do - " " Excuse me , " Christy said , stepping forward . " Miss Sleet will not threaten , but I will . " She stood directly in front of Ashford 's desk and leaned forward . " I am here with a message from Dr . Lee of the Jinx . If you have harmed our sister Åsa , the Jinx will descend upon this house in force , all of us , and we will destroy both you and it . " She turned and left , walking slowly up the wide stairs and out . Ashford had tried to interrupt Christy with some sort of mocking comment , but she had just continued talking , as impassive as a tape recording . As she left , it was obvious that he was somewhat shaken , and as he turned to Jan Sleet , she said , " I am , as you know , one of the administrators of U - town , and I should tell you that we do not , of course , endorse this type of threat . However , you should also be aware that we don 't have the forces which would be required to protect you or this house against hundreds of angry gang members . Good day . " She turned and we climbed the stairs toward the door , her hand again resting on my arm . " I am going to examine the side entrance to this house , " she called over her shoulder . " Don 't worry , Marshall knows the way . " Outside , we pushed our way through the undergrowth to the corner of the house and around . What had looked like an entrance the night before now was revealed to be a small and dilapidated shed , leaning against the side of the house . There were windows on three sides of it , and it appeared to be some sort of small greenhouse . It didn 't seem like it would receive very much light , with the surrounding trees as thick as they were , but perhaps the trees had come later . I pushed open the door , which was coming off its hinges , and we stepped in . There were battered benches and tables along the outer walls , and broken clay pots on the uneven wooden floor . The smell of mildew was strong . She smiled , running her fingers along the edges of the boards . " Yes , it would seem so . " She continued her examination for a couple of minutes , then she triumphantly pressed something , there was a click , and part of the wall swung toward us . Jan closed the hidden door again and grinned . " This is my kind of house , " she said . " I always wanted to have a case with at least one secret panel . " I spotted Christy as I pushed open the iron gate and we stepped out onto the street . She was barely visible around the corner , in the same place where she and I had waited the night before . As we crossed the street to her , I could tell that she felt awkward about the way she 'd delivered the ultimatum , with no advance warning to us , though I was sure she 'd been told to do it that way . Jan was aware of this and wanted to settle the issue quickly , so she grinned as we approached Christy and said , " That couldn 't have gone better if we 'd planned it , " and then she squeezed Christy 's shoulder . Christy was surprised by this , and then I saw a smile flash across her face , as she realized that she had surprised me in exactly the same way the night before when she 'd suddenly put her hand on my arm . We shared a brief grin as Jan said , " Let 's go . We 've got some things to tell Dr . Lee . " We were back in Dr . Lee 's office , and we had described what had happened at Isaac Ashford 's house . When we were done , Dr . Lee looked ready to dismiss Christy , but Jan said , " It might be good if Christy stayed . As Åsa 's roommate , I 'm sure she 's concerned . " Jan nodded . " It 's possible that Ashford was telling the truth . Åsa may have gone there to visit someone else , one of his staff perhaps . He may not have been aware of it at all . " " Or that may be exactly the reason , " I suggested . " Remember how she was dressed . Why walk around naked , on a cold and rainy night ? Unless you 're going to visit someone , perhaps the same way she 's been visiting Lloyd . In that case , arriving unexpectedly , through a secret panel , naked , that could be part of the effect . Maybe Ashford enjoys that sort of thing . " " I asked some questions about Ashford after you left last night , " Dr . Lee replied . " They 're college students , apparently . He makes speeches at universities - that 's where most of his money comes from - and he often recruits an adoring fan or two as well . I think there 's some sort of scam involved , internship or work - study or something like that . " My employer laughed . " She was indeed , but famous artists have seduced willing fans since the first popular cave painter . If that was all that was going on , I 'd say that at least they were getting college credit out of it . But Åsa 's condition indicates that something far more serious is happening here . " Dr . Lee looked grim . " Solving this is your department , primarily , but it is stopped , as of now , whatever it was . Åsa is not going to leave this building again until this is figured out . I will lock her in the basement if I have to . And Christy 's message to Ashford is the literal truth . " Dr . Lee nodded . " Of course . We never act without reason . " She smiled . " There is another factor , however , that you may not be aware of . " She reached down next to her chair and pulled up a large poster . " These started going up this morning . A couple of people brought them to me . " She unfurled it so we could see . The image was a painting of a house , looking very much like a highly romanticized version of Ashford 's house , including creepy overhanging trees , a stormy sky , and a bolt of lightning . The text read , " First Blood , " and the subtitle was , " The Vampire Poems , by Isaac Ashford . " Near the bottom it said , " Coming Soon . " Dr . Lee turned to Christy . " Can you go get him ? He was ravenous when he got in , so he 'll probably be in the cafeteria . " He certainly looked as if he 'd just returned from a journey . He was unshaven and somewhat grimy , his dark hair disarrayed . For all that , he was fairly handsome and quite tall . He paused as he reached us , and Dr . Lee said , " Please sit down . " He did , and she continued , " This is Jan Sleet and her assistant Marshall . She is helping us to figure out what 's been happening with Åsa . " He shook his head . " Neil met me when I got back , and he told me that she 's worse , and that nobody knows what it is . I was going to stop in at the infirmary , but he said she was asleep . " There was a knock at the door , and Neil stepped in . To my surprise , he was followed by the girl from Ashford 's house . She was wearing a black T - shirt and sneakers now , in addition to her miniskirt , and she looked thoroughly miserable . Spence stood up and offered her his chair , and she sat down and immediately burst into tears . She wiped her face and blew her nose . " Mindy Parrish , ma ' am , " she replied . " I 'm from Missoula , Montana . Mr . Ashford calls me Marisa , but my name is Mindy . " " I 'm scared I 'm gonna get into trouble , ma ' am . Mr . Ashford didn 't tell you the truth . That woman you asked about , she was there , at his house , about a week ago . She was there for a few hours . He showed her around , and then they talked for a while . I don 't think she ever came back , but I don 't see everybody who comes and goes . " " We don 't know , " Dr . Lee said . " Her name is Åsa , and she says she 's fine , but we can tell she 's been hurt , repeatedly . We know she 'd been visiting Ashford , for at least the last two nights , but we don 't really know what 's going on . " " Mindy , would you be willing to see her ? " Dr . Lee continued . " Just to make sure it is really the same woman ? That would help us a great deal . Then , if you 're still uneasy about going back to Ashford 's , you can stay here tonight , or longer , until you 're sure what you want to do . " My employer frowned , and I knew she had no idea what this exchange had been about . As usual , she had been thinking along very different lines . I knew she would ask me about it later , when we were alone . " Of course not , " Dr . Lee said , standing up . " You 're here to assist us . Feeding you is the least we can do . Come . " I gave Jan my hand and helped her to her feet . We went down to the basement floor , where there was a small kitchen and a large dining room . The tables were about half full , and I saw Jinx of all ages from elderly to children . We went into the kitchen , where we served ourselves from big pots of chili and stew and vegetables . Neil came over to our table and said , " You should be aware that there are a few reporters outside , being very insistent . They want to see Miss Sleet . About vampires . " Dr . Lee nodded after a moment . " Of course , " she said quietly . " Are you leaving now , or is there more you want to do here ? " Jan finished the bite she was chewing and swallowed . Her interrogation of Spence had meant that she still had food on her plate though the rest of us were done . And she knew I would have something to say if she didn 't finish her meal . " We 'll go over , " she said . " It 's no problem . " She glanced at me . " And then I 'll finish my lunch and we can go . " Jan laughed as the waiter hovered with the wine list . " No , " she said , " neither of you is under any suspicion of anything . Well , except perhaps the improper use of a Parcheesi board . " We all laughed as she waved a hand , dismissing the waiter . Jan shook her head . " Thank you , but I 'm not much of a drinker . And , while I anticipate that this will be a very pleasant evening , I am actually working . To be frank , I need to know more than I know now , and you two are the only people involved in this case who I 'm sure aren 't guilty of anything . So , I want to quiz you , for hours and hours , about various subjects , and see what I can come up with . " Christy nodded . " We talked about it a lot . We were all glad you figured it out , though some people felt he kind of deserved it . Well , not to be killed , but it was pretty messed up how he treated Dorothy , and the girl who killed him . " " What did people think of my work on the case ? I don 't ask out of ego . . . " She caught my expression . " Well , ego may be a factor , but I do have another reason for asking . " " I never heard Åsa talk about it at all . Or Spence , as far as I can remember . " She smiled . " Lloyd thought you were overrated , that you 'd got lucky . " She laughed as the waiter poured more coffee . " I should have been more specific . Are there recent events that relate somehow , or might relate , to the question of vampires ? " " There isn 't any general panic , but rumors are increasing , and some people are coming to us with various questions and fears . " He shook his head , looking unusually serious . " It 's not going in a good direction , let 's just say that . " Then he smiled . " And of course there 's the fashion angle , " he said with a tilt of his head , indicating the four people two tables away from us , all very pale with black hair and elegant black clothes . Christy shook her head . " I made the mistake of telling my son how silly I thought this all was . So , of course now he wants to get bitten himself . " I could tell that Jan was restraining herself from asking a question . She was interested in learning the age of Christy 's son , just out of idle curiosity . Given the age of Christy 's boyfriend , however , even my employer realized that this could be an awkward topic . Fifteen shook his head . " Not really . Vampires were already a hot topic before Åsa started appearing , and the general theory seems to be that the Jinx wouldn 't have called you in if they had had anything to hide . " Much later , as we were getting ready for bed , she was looking pleased with herself . I knew it wasn 't about the case ( she never preened until she had every question completely answered ) , but I had an idea what was on her mind . She caught my expression and I said , " I know that look . This is not the time . " She looked miffed . " Well , " she said after a moment , " you 're just a poky old Catholic . " She sat down next to me , and I put my arm around her . " Well , let 's take that apart , " I said . " Catholic ? I haven 't been to church in over seven years . By common law , the church and I are divorced . " " Well , this observer , your fetching young wife , finds you to be old . " She nuzzled against my cheek . " Attractive , of course , but in an ' oldish ' sort of way . " She drew back her head to look at me again . " You 're avoiding the question of ' poky . ' " " Come here , " I said , and she rested her head on my shoulder , her long legs entwined around mine . " What 's your question ? " I asked , putting my arm around her . " So nobody panics and does something stupid . " She shook her head . " It was easier when all I had to do was solve the mystery and write the article . " " I think you 're handling it the right way , " I said . " For one thing , just making the blanket statement that there aren 't any vampires wouldn 't convince the people who are the most likely to panic . For another thing , if you do say that and then it turns out that you 're wrong , then you 've lost their trust . " I hugged her . " Do you want to be a reporter , looking for the truth , or do you want to be a politician ? " The next morning , I asked where we were off to , and she told me that we were waiting . That could have meant we were waiting for something specific , or it could have meant she had no idea what to do next . I didn 't ask which it was . The door crashed open again and a very small teenage girl burst in , bellowing , " MAIL ! HIGH PRIORITY ! IMMEDIATE DELIVERY ! " as she strode around the table , pushing Neil aside . Christy , who was more accustomed to our ways , had stepped back as soon as the door had opened . Jan smiled as she opened the envelope , using the stem of her pipe as a letter - opener . " Oh , that 's Ron , " she said , peering at him over her glasses . " She delivers our mail . " My employer held up a hand as she flipped quickly through the papers , which appeared to be official documents ( in fact , based on previous experience , I had a pretty good idea what they were ) . " I realize the situation , " she said slowly , her eyes on the papers , " but this information may provide the answers . However , I must read and then think a bit , or I might make a mistake . " She looked up . " Can you do something for me ? " She was trying to seem calm , but I could tell she was excited . We were in Spence 's room . He was lying on his bed , naked , with his throat cut . It was not pleasant to look at , though it was not the first dead body I had ever seen . I found myself thinking that I hadn 't particularly liked Spence anyway , but that was unfair since I hadn 't really known him at all . " A knife was used , " Dr . Lee observed . " It 's not here , but we found it in Lloyd 's room , along with some bloody clothes . But no Lloyd . " My employer nodded . " The appearance is that it was a killing driven by jealousy . Lloyd , upset that Spence had succeeded where he had failed , murdered his rival , and then ran for it . " " Ashford must have known , after my ultimatum , that he wouldn 't be able to get Åsa to come to him anymore . So , what did he do ? He sent that Mindy girl to us . She was betraying him , so I 'd tend to believe her , and I offered her sanctuary . So , she was inside our home , and able to act on Ashford 's orders . " " Neil , I need to do one thing , with your help . Dr . Lee will accompany us . Then , while she and I are doing that , please bring the following people to Dr . Lee 's office : Christy , Åsa , Nikolai , Mindy , and Rex . Don 't let any of them talk to anyone alone after they talk to you , and don 't let any of them know about . . . " She waved a hand , and he nodded . About twenty minutes later , we were all in Dr . Lee 's office . Dr . Lee was in her usual chair , and Åsa was in the other one , looking somewhat shell shocked . My employer sat on the sofa until everyone was assembled , then she got to her feet and walked slowly to the side of the room so she could be facing everybody . " Marshall teases me sometimes about my reluctance to do conventional detective work , " she began , " but I use those methods when they are necessary . With Dr . Lee 's cooperation , I did two things the night before last . One was that I obtained fingerprint samples from three people : Åsa , Lloyd , and Spence . This was done without their knowledge , from items in their rooms . We have a friend who can get fingerprint information for us , and that information arrived this morning . " Here is what we found out . Lloyd has no record . Spence had been arrested a couple of times , years ago , for petty theft and extortion . But there was some very significant information about Åsa . " She turned to Dr . Lee . " Do you have a policy on members who were police officers in the past ? " Åsa started to stand and protest , but Neil was standing behind her by then , and he grabbed her shoulders and slammed her back down into the chair . " Quiet , " he said in a low voice . She slumped , her head hanging . " How do you fill out a crossword puzzle ? " my employer continued calmly . " Say the clue for 1 Across is ' not skimpy , ' in five letters . Well , one way to figure that out is to start with some obvious possibilities , like ample , broad , vasty , bulky , massy , and large . Fill them in , one by one , in pencil , and see what you can figure out for 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , and 5 Down . At a certain point , it will start to fall into place , and then you check what that gives you for the other words across . Sooner or later , it will all fit . " Silence ! " Dr . Lee snapped . " You do not get to speak . No matter what , no matter who murdered who , you swore a false membership oath . " She turned to Neil . " Bind and gag her . " It was at this point that I began to wonder if Åsa was planning something . Her head was hanging again , but I wasn 't convinced that she was as defeated as she appeared . There was no way she could hope to get to the door , let alone through it , but I wondered about the window . It was three stories straight down to the sidewalk , but that could have looked like a good option to her right then , whether or not she was the sort of creature who could survive a fall like that . She didn 't make it , to the window or to me , because Neil grabbed her by the collar of her leather jacket and tossed her back into the chair . It was nicely done , I must admit . Then , as he tied her up with the bandannas , I saw him note where I was now standing . He glanced at my previous position , and then he nodded at me , so slightly that I 'm sure nobody else noticed it . " Let 's assume that Spence was blackmailing Åsa , his price probably being her sexual favors , at least . I thought from the first that the romance between them was not very convincing . She had no apparent interest in having him with her as she was recovering , and he seemed to have no real interest in her condition . When I 've been hurt , I 've wanted Marshall to be with me , and he 's wanted to be there , and vice versa . " In any case , quite understandably , Åsa found this whole situation intolerable . Not only was she forced to have sex with a man she despised , but she was still in constant danger that he would reveal her secret . And Lloyd would have helped her , both because he was infatuated with her and because it would have struck him funny to prove that I 'm overrated . So , he told us an incredible story about Åsa visiting his room and ravishing him every night , arriving by the window , naked , and floating across the room , and he was laughing at me for believing it . " Now , how did the case first come to our attention ? Åsa developed vampire - like wounds on her neck . " She smiled and looked at me . " Can we imagine people inflicting wounds like that on themselves ? " " Exactly . And , very cleverly , she never admitted that anything was happening . In fact , she denied it , repeatedly and sarcastically , which was one of the best parts of her plan . " We know she went out on at least two nights and went to Isaac Ashford 's house , going into a shed at the side of the house . There is an entrance from the shed into the house , but there is no evidence that she used it , or that she interacted with him or any of his staff on those nights . Ashford denied he had ever met her and we know that was a lie , but the only time we know she was in the house was a week earlier , when she may have been investigating , learning what she needed to know for her plan to work . So , she could have gone into the shed that night and waited there for a while , without anybody in the house knowing anything about it , opening the wounds on her neck in the process so she could leave a blood stain on the floor . " It may seem outré for a person to do this , but an animal will chew off its own paw to get out of a trap . She was in a trap , and she was tough enough to get out of it however she could . And she didn 't even have to lose a limb , just some blood , and she had to miss some meals and pretend to be even weaker than she actually was . " In any case , she came out of the shed , bloody and staggering , and made her way back here . Then , as she was apparently about to scale the side of the building to Lloyd 's window , she collapsed into Marshall 's arms . " She looked at me again . " It seems that , if you hadn 't been there , she 'd have taken a nasty fall , but could she have heard you running across the street to catch her ? " " Because , according to our current assumptions , she was putting on a show . She had probably put it on the night before as well , and she would have continued to give repeat performances until an audience showed up . From what Marshall has said , it would have been fairly easy for her to spot you at some point , since she was apparently quite oblivious and that may have caused you to lower your guard . Besides , she had seen me earlier in the day , so it probably wasn 't difficult to figure out the investigation was about to start . " So , that 's my premise . The vampire rumors were already going around , probably started or abetted by Ashford and his minions . Åsa saw a chance to create a big smoke screen behind which she could get free . " She turned to Åsa , who had given up on testing her bonds and sat glaring . " I 'm sure you 're wishing you could ask me where my evidence is . " She smiled sadly . " I said I did two things the night before last , with Dr . Lee 's cooperation . One was getting the fingerprints . The other was suggested by something Neil said after Felix was killed . When we found Felix 's body , Neil wanted to seal all the exits of the hospital , but I pointed out how useless that would have been , a half hour or more after the murder . But this case was different , and the person behind it , when exposed , might well try to run rather than face the vengeance of the Jinx . " It is an interesting thing about U - town . Unless you have a boat , there are only two ways in or out of U - town . There 's the Arklay Bridge , which most people call the city bridge , and there 's the Ravens Gate Bridge , which most people call the highway bridge . Both of them have been being watched for the last forty - eight hours , by members of the Jinx . " She shook her head . " You 're hoping that I 'm bluffing , I know . I do bluff sometimes , but I know when it won 't work . " Dr . Lee 's attention was on Christy , who was sitting on the sofa . She looked like she was about to cry . She saw us looking at her and waved a hand . " I 'm sorry , " she said . " I 'll be - " " Don 't be sorry , " Dr . Lee said softly . She squatted next to Christy and took her hand . " Our sister betrayed us . Every day she lived with us was a lie , and now we will have her blood in our veins for the rest of our lives to remind us . You 're right - " " We heard some of it from Lloyd , " she said , " and we can figure out the rest , or at least most of it . He went to visit Åsa in the infirmary in the middle of the night . She seduced him , knowing from past experience that he would fall asleep right after . Then she put on his clothes and went to Spence 's room . It was very late at that point , and she was careful not to be seen . Then she killed Spence . It appeared as though he was asleep - his posture gave that impression - but they might have had a conversation first . We don 't know . " Then she went to Lloyd 's room . She left the knife and the bloody clothes there , and returned to the infirmary , wearing clean clothes . She took off the clothes , and then she woke Lloyd up and told him she 'd visited Spence and they 'd had a fight and she 'd knocked him out . She had always told Lloyd about how jealous Spence was , which was probably a lie , but she said that Spence had found out that she was sleeping with Lloyd , and that he 'd be coming after both of them as soon as he woke up . She said she had to run and she wanted Lloyd to run away with her . Lloyd was stunned by this , and she pressed him that they should leave separately and meet at the other side of the bridge , in the city . " By the time he was halfway to the bridge , wearing the clothes she 'd had on , he 'd figured out that he 'd been conned . For one thing , why were the clothes different from the ones he 'd been wearing before ? But he figured there was no reason to return . He 'd helped her , and he 'd lied to us ; his life with the Jinx was over . " When the questions were answered , the conversation changed abruptly . Dr . Lee leaned forward , and started to grill us with questions about U - town and how it functioned . She asked about food and water and transportation and economics and enforcement and medical care and sanitation ( I was able to dredge up a few useful facts that I 'd heard in the meeting that morning ) . " We 'll come , " Dr . Lee said . " Neil , have the van brought around . " He left and she addressed my employer again . " I assume you 'd prefer to travel in the van , rather than on a motorcycle . " Jan , Fifteen , and I entered the auditorium through the side door , and headed for the wings . As we reached the side of the stage , we heard a murmur from the crowd . Jan was consulting with Vicki , so I looked out to see Dr . Lee , Neil , Christy , Rex , Nikolai , and two other Jinx I didn 't know enter the auditorium and make their way down the aisle to the front row . Rex had driven the van , but the others had ridden on their motorcycles . This was unprecedented . There had been a Jinx or two at some previous meetings , as there were at this one , but never as a group and never including Dr . Lee or Neil . This was the clearest statement I could imagine that they were throwing in their lot with us . This caught her off guard , and she was not able to completely conceal her look of pleasure . She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek , then she limped to the lectern , hooked her cane over the edge , raised the microphone , and started to speak . " My name is Jan Sleet . I am a reporter by profession , I solve mysteries as a hobby , and I play a role in the U - town government , as you probably know . This is the first , and almost certainly the last , public meeting here to talk about vampires . " When this first became an issue , some people thought that I should get up here and say that there is no such thing as a vampire . That 's what conventional wisdom says , after all . But conventional wisdom ( which is a contradiction in terms , by the way , in a way that ' common sense ' is not - but I digress ) would also tell us that U - town itself could not exist . And , of course , it does . So , we cannot use ' conventional wisdom ' to rule out the existence of vampires . " The attacks on the woman known as Åsa of the Jinx were self - inflicted , to create and feed the idea that there are vampires among us . This was to provide a cover for a murder which she committed , against a fellow member of the Jinx who was blackmailing her . To be honest , in general my sympathy is with Åsa , since he was using a secret that he knew about her in order to force her to sleep with him . But she lost my sympathy when I realized that her solution was to kill the blackmailer and then to frame someone else , an innocent man who was desperately in love with her . " In addition , she attempted to implicate Isaac Ashford , a local poet . He is , as we all know , an eccentric , but he is not a vampire , much as he may like to play at being one . Also , for all that she tried to make it appear otherwise , he only ever met her once , a week before the murder . " Now , if you were fooled by any of this , I encourage you to examine the logical processes which brought you to your conclusions . There was a period of time in this case when I did not know the answer , and , as I said , I thought that vampirism was one possible explanation . But there is a big difference between thinking of that as a possible solution , and deciding that the existence of vampires was a proven fact . If you came that the latter conclusion , then your reasoning was faulty , because the evidence did not support that conclusion . " " No work today , " she announced . " No meetings , no mysteries , no articles , no reading , no writing . Just sleeping and eating and smoking and drinking coffee . " " Warmer is fine . Let 's promenade along the . . . " She frowned and opened her eyes . " Promenade along the promenade ? That doesn 't sound right . " " Ah , " she said , gesturing behind me , where I heard a motor approaching . I assumed it was one of the Jinx , since almost nobody else in U - town used motor vehicles . It was Neil , and he waved as he pulled up to the curb . She shook her head . " Not today . It 's too nice out . " She drew on her cigarette and regarded him for a moment . " May I ask a question ? " she asked . " Possibly two ? " He shrugged , smiling . The waiter brought him a coffee and he sipped it . " You may , " he answered , " as long as it 's understood that my answers are not official , and you agree that none of this will appear in print anywhere . " She laughed . " Please , I am a professional . When I do an interview , it 's formally identified as such . I don 't ambush people . And these questions are probably not of general interest anyway . " He nodded . " Good question . It came about because of experience , actually . Twice , in different cities , the police tried to infiltrate us by having a cop ' go bad ' and try to join . Both of them were rejected for other reasons , but it made us aware that this was a tactic that they adopt from time to time . And the most obvious way to block it was to make the rule . " He sipped his coffee . " That 's why it applies specifically to the police and not to the fire department or the military . " He smiled . " As you deduced at the hospital , I was in the military myself for some years . And your other question ? " He leaned back and sighed . " We were wondering if you were ever going to ask . Everybody who suffered because of what she did was Jinx , so there was a basis for leaving the resolution to us , but you have made it clear that this is your territory and that you 're not sharing authority with us , so a case could also be made that she should have been turned over to you . " " How you deduced that I was in the military , and that my hobby is painting . I 've been trying to figure out how you knew that . It 's possible that you might have deduced that I was in the military , but how did you know that I paint ? " He laughed . " I wash my hands when I 'm done , and I don 't lug my easel around like that fellow . " He gestured , and we turned around to see that a man had set up an easel and was painting behind us , on the other side of the narrow street . The large canvas was turned away from us , and it looked as though he was painting the small traffic island in front of us , which had once contained a statue . The man was handsome , with unruly hair and a faint stubble , and his smock and his jeans were stained here and there with paint . The only item of clothing that seemed to be clean was the battered tweed trilby he wore . There was a woman watching him paint , and after a moment she came up and shook her head , pointing at the canvas . She took the brush from him and gestured with it , though it wasn 't clear if she was just making a point or if she was applying paint to the canvas . They were both smiling , though , and it seemed that whatever argument they were having was one they had had before and would almost certainly have again . I laughed as well , and he turned back to Jan . " So , do we have a deal ? I answered your question , and I will answer another , then you 'll answer mine ? " " Contrary to what some people think , " he said , " the Jinx don 't take vengeance . Åsa was brought to the bridge and told never to return to U - town . " He smiled . " Not very dramatic , I know , but sometimes part of the way we protect ourselves is to seem more threatening than we are . " He nodded . " Good point . Yes , that was the literal truth . If he had harmed Åsa , we would have killed him and destroyed his house . But , as you pointed out at the meeting , Åsa was not the villain here , not really . Spence was . She had to be kicked out , but we weren 't going to do more than that . " He sipped his coffee and then continued . " It 's a moot point now , of course , but I 'm curious as to whether you approve . We did release a murderer , after all . " She shook her head . " What she did was wrong , but it was under duress , and under circumstances which were very unlikely to be repeated . " She smiled as the waiter poured more coffee , topping off my cup as well . " The detectives from whom I take my inspiration usually reserved the right to make those sorts of decisions themselves - to allow a murderer to escape or to let him commit suicide - if they thought that the situation warranted it . " Neil hooted a laugh and said , " Point taken . " Still chuckling , he peered over my shoulder again . " In illustration of my earlier point , by the way , " he said as we turned again , " that 's a cute girl . " She was indeed . Shorter and younger than the other woman , blonde and curvy , with full , lush lips , she approached the painter from behind , clearly planning to surprise him . " His daughter ? " Neil murmured . " I certainly hope not , " Neil said with a chuckle . The girl finally stepped back to look at the canvas , still holding the man 's hand , and I noticed a camera around her neck . She nodded at the canvas , and then tilted her head up to kiss him again . " Uh oh , " Neil said , and I followed his gaze to see the dark - haired woman approaching from down the block , looking irate . " Paint will fly in a moment , " he said . " She looks like a fighter . " " I deduce that no violence will ensue , " my employer said quickly , and indeed the dark - haired woman 's ire was apparently still directed toward the canvas . She gestured at it , frowning ( but again trying not to smile ) . As she made her points , the younger woman came to stand beside her , squeezing her around the waist . The dark - haired woman had removed the hat , and she playfully plopped it on the younger woman 's head , where it fell down and nearly covered her eyes . Laughing and turning as she tilted it back , she spotted us and waved . " Hi , Marshall ! Hi , Jan ! " she called , and the others noticed us for the first time and waved as well . The three had joined us by that time . We moved to a larger table , and the question of Jan 's deductions about Neil was dropped . However , at one point , when the three painters were comparing notes on where they bought their supplies , Jan did mention offhandedly that she knew which store Neil patronized , since she 'd happened to see him shopping there once , some months before .

It was warmer outside than he thought ― enough to make him think he did not need the coat he had worn out that day . Takafumi Douno was sitting on a park bench , absently watching his daughter , Honoka , play in the sand . She was turning four this year . Schools were out for the spring holidays , and it was a sunny Sunday afternoon . There were many children in the park who looked about primary - school age . Douno remembered Mariko mentioning she wanted a second child . He liked children and they were dear to him , but his low salary made it hard to say yes . " Mommy 's coming back soon , " he told her . " Why don 't we wait at the bench over there ? " Just as he began to lead his daughter by the hand to the bench where their shopping bags were set down , a voice called him from behind . Douno remembered that voice . Could it be ― ? He stared hard at the man in front of him . It had been six years since then , and his hair had grown out . His head was not shaved anymore . He was also not wearing a grey prison uniform , but a normal white shirt and black pants . " I don 't understand this map , and I can 't read the kanji . " The man looked up at him . His eyes snapped open in surprise . " Takafumi , Takafumi ! " The wind was knocked out of him as he was met with an embrace . He felt his spine tingle . The man 's arms were also shaking slightly as they encircling his shoulders . " I turned thirty - four . " Kitagawa gripped Douno 's left hand . " Take me to your house . I have so many things I want to tell you . Oh , I should 've brought my notebook . I drew tons of pictures . Everyone who sees them says they 're nice , so I 'm sure you 'll ― " Douno 's hand trembled as it sat on his daughter 's shoulder . Kitagawa had approached him just as he would have six years ago , but Douno did not know how the man would respond to being told the truth . Douno was afraid . But he could not keep silent forever ; Kitagawa would find out eventually anyway . The man 's eyes , which had been glowing with happiness , clouded grey in an instant . His gaze wandered left and right as if he were lost , then he hung his head . His grip on Douno 's left hand tightened , as if he were angry . Detached , yet passionate ― memories of this man 's violence resurfaced in Douno 's mind , making him shudder . " You were always on my mind , " Douno said hesitantly . " I was wondering what you 've been up to since getting out . So I 'm happy I was able to see you again . " He did not mean to be sucking up . His feelings were sincere , yet his voice sounded even to his own ears like he was making excuses . " What kind of work do you do now ? Are you getting along with your co - workers ? I 'm happy to hear you still draw . You were really good at it . " " I see , " Mariko murmured . " Hello . Nice to meet you , I 'm Douno 's wife , " she said in greeting . The man stared silently at Mariko . Mariko , flustered at being stared at with no answer , glanced nervously at Douno . Honoka clung to his wife 's legs . " Pick - up ! " she said , pulling her skirt . " Oh my , aren 't you a little baby , " teased Mariko , picking Honoka up in her arms . The awkwardness of the silence seemed to lift a little . I don 't want to be alone with him . It was Douno 's honest thought . He was happy to see Kitagawa . He really was . But once they were alone , who knew what the man might say ? " Hold on , I need something to write with , and some paper . . . " Douno automatically reached into the breast pocket of his jacket , even though there was nothing there . At work , he always kept a pen in that pocket . Douno 's fading memories of prison came back to him . As a principle rule , inmates were not allowed to exchange addresses , in order to avoid conflict after getting out . If even a scrap of paper with an address was found on an inmate , he would be punished . Everyone memorized the addresses of people they needed to contact once they were out of prison . When Douno told him his address , the man listened but did not confirm or ask to hear it again . His mouth moved voicelessly , as if to recite it to himself . As soon as his lips stopped , he turned his back to Douno and walked away . Douno and Kitagawa had spent about nine months together in the same prison cell . Douno had been imprisoned on groping charges even though he had done nothing ― it had been a false accusation . Kitagawa had served time for close to ten years for murder , and he was an expert at prison life . Even though he was skilled at getting by in prison , Kitagawa did not know how to believe in people , how to love ; he did not know what it felt like to receive kindness . Douno felt as if his unhappy upbringing , absent of a loving mother , had something to do with his crime . Even in prison , Kitgawa was always surrounded by inmates who were only concerned about taking advantage of people 's weaknesses to make a profit . Days before Douno 's release , Kitagawa had gotten into a fistfight in their cell and been sent into punishment . Douno emerged from prison without saying good - bye or exchanging promises . He did not tell Kitagawa his address . If he had really wanted to , he could have asked a trustworthy inmate who lived in the same cell as him . But he had not . When they reunited after six years , Kitagawa had not changed at all . His demeanour , the way he talked . But what about his feelings ? Did Kitagawa still love him and want to live with him ? Did he perhaps think he 'd been betrayed ? I loved him so much , but he went and got married . Even had children . If that was how he really felt , would his anger and hatred at being betrayed drive him to do something serious ? Like how he had attacked the inmate who made advances on Douno in their cell and punched him until he went limp ? I 'm happy to see him . I 'm glad to see he 's doing well . Douno 's feelings were not false , yet he found himself afraid of Kitagawa . The man was blinded by his temper sometimes , but Douno knew Kitagawa was not underhanded . He was certain that Kitagawa would not harm his family out of vengeance , but still , he was unable to deny the possibility . Human feelings were prone to influence and change . He had told Kitagawa his address . If Kitagawa wanted to know , did that mean he planned to come again ? Perhaps it had been better not to tell him . But in that situation , Douno knew he would have been unable to say no . The next day after their reunion , Douno 's mind was full of thoughts about Kitagawa for the entire day . Even while he was working , he felt like Kitagawa would suddenly appear from the shadows , and his foolish thoughts made him restless . His senior , Tatsuta , seemed to observe it as a sign of giddiness , for he teased Douno and asked him if anything good had happened lately . After getting out of prison , Douno found new employment as an accounting clerk at Iwai Foods through the help of a support group for those falsely - accused of groping . He had once worked as an accountant for city hall , and working with numbers was something he was good at . If he had anything to complain about , it was his low salary and the fact that he got barely any extra pay for overtime . Tatsuta , a caring and considerate man , knew about Douno 's situation . Tatsuta himself had past experiences of being victim to the police 's unfair and overbearing questioning practices , and understood what Douno was going through . It was a great relief for Douno to not have to hide his past . Two days passed , then three . Even after a week , there was no communication from Kitagawa . Since he did not know Douno 's phone number , the only methods he had of contacting him was a direct visit or a letter . But Douno received neither . The cherry blossoms finished blooming beautifully . They fell and were replaced by deep green leaves , and Golden Week was just days away . By this time , Douno had begun to think he would never see Kitagawa again . Douno wondered if their brief reunion in the park had been their last , and he forgot how afraid he was , or how he had feared for his family 's safety . A loneliness welled up inside his chest . He wanted to try sending a letter , but since he had missed asking for Kitagawa 's address , he could not send one even if he wanted to . Douno got the note from her and ran into his bedroom . With his cell phone in one hand , he stared at the memo . All he had to do was call this number , and it would get through to Kitagawa . He would be able to talk to him . As a responsible adult , he had to thank Kitagawa for the gift , at least . Douno 's fingers shook as they clenched around the phone . When Kitagawa didn 't come , Douno wanted to see him and talk to him . But when he came too close , he suddenly felt afraid . Kitagawa lived all the way in Shizuoka ― why had he moved in close by ? What was the meaning behind his moving in close to Douno ? What was he planning to do ? Douno had no idea what the man was thinking ― not the faintest clue . Douno was unable to steel himself enough to hear Kitagawa 's voice that day . He made the phone call instead on the next day , past eleven at night , because he felt like the more time he allowed to pass , the harder it would get to talk to Kitagawa . If he was going to thank the man for the soba , he preferred it to be sooner than later . " I 'm going out to buy some beer , " he told his wife , and walked out with his phone in hand . Suddenly , it began to drizzle , and Douno hurriedly climbed into the family car in the parking lot . It was an old subcompact car , and the driver 's seat was cramped . Mariko had been talking about wanting a standard - sized car , but they were not financially comfortable enough to afford to get a new one . Douno retrieved the note from his pocket and dialled the number . He could feel the pulse thudding in his fingers as the phone rang . On the fifth ring , he heard the phone being picked up . It was such a small thing , yet the tension was enough to make his heart almost stop . Douno hastily turned on the cabin light and checked his watch . It was five past eleven . For Douno , it was still early in the night , but perhaps Kitagawa had not yet grown out of his schedule in prison , where the lights were out at nine . If so , Douno would have woken him up from his sleep . " I 'm sorry for calling so late . I won 't keep you for long . Thank you for the soba yesterday . I was surprised to hear you moved nearby . " Douno had already predicted his answer . I knew it , he couldn 't help but think at the man 's frank reply . Douno pressed his right hand against his forehead and closed his eyes . When Douno and Kitagawa had lived in the same prison cell together , kissing and physical contact had been everyday things . Douno was not able to refuse when Kitagawa made moves to touch him . They were in a male - only environment , where even masturbation was prohibited . In this situation , even a man 's touch was enough to make Douno erect , and drive him to ejaculate . Douno had had anal sex with the man once , but that was because he could not fight back against him , not because he had wanted it . " I thought about it after I went back to Shizuoka , " Kitagawa said . " I 've been working at the same factory as Shiba since last year , and I told him about it , too . He said , ' Douno has his own life now . You need to give up and find yourself a nice wife . ' " Shiba was an inmate who had lived with Douno and Kitagawa in the same cell . He had been in his mid - fifties then ; he was probably past sixty now . Douno did not expect to hear that Shiba and Kitagawa were still in contact . " Shiba bought me a prostitute to liven things up . I made her suck my cock , then I boned her . I wonder how much it cost for those two hours . Anyway , before she went home , I told her she wasn 't any different from my right hand , and she started crying . " Kitagawa 's voice was flat and regular . " When I told Shiba that , he told me I should 've been nice to her because she was just doing her job . How was I supposed to be nice to a girl who lets me bone her and charges every two hours ? Was I supposed to treat her to some desserts afterwards , or what ? What do you think ? " " When I told Shiba I was moving close to your house , he was against it . He asked me what I was planning to do there . ' Even if you 're with him , Douno won 't be your Douno anymore . He has a wife and kid . A man should know when to back off , ' he said . " " I 'm at least allowed to be close to you , aren 't I ? Even if you have a family ? " His words sounded detached . " Can 't I be allowed to think that when it 's raining where I am , it 'll be raining where you are ? Can 't I be close enough to walk over when I want to see your face ? " I just want to be close ― to be near you . The man 's plaintive plea moved Douno 's heart deeply . Yet he had no idea if being close was a good thing for either Kitagawa or himself . Douno also had another small seed of worry . The man had said it was enough just to be close , just to see his face , but would he really be satisfied with just that ? Once they were close , once they started talking . . . wouldn 't Kitagawa begin to seek him physically , unable to hold in his desire ? " I searched for you once I got out of jail , " Kitagawa continued . " I couldn 't do it alone , so I asked detectives to do it . Apart from buying food , I used all the money I made to pay them . Detectives cost a hell of a lot of money , so I worked every day . There were easier ways to make money without having to do so much work , but if I got thrown into jail again I wouldn 't be able to see you even if I found you . So I told myself I couldn 't . People told me I was just wasting my money . But even then , I still wanted to see you . " " But , " he continued , " my searching and wanting to see you is a one - sided thing . I love you , and as long as I have you I don 't need anything else . But you don 't love me as much as that . " " I thought I 'd be free once I was out . I thought I 'd be able to sleep with you all I wanted . But now I feel like you were closer to me in there than you are now . " There was nothing he could do even if Kitagawa blamed him for not loving him back . For Douno , it was the truth . The feelings Kitagawa harboured for him pained him . The faithfulness thrust upon him was unbearably heavy . It was a chilly day , and it had been raining since morning . It hardly seemed like the end of May , when summer was beginning . It was cold enough to want a heater . Douno finished work early for once that day , at six in the evening . At the entrance to the office , he parted with Tatsuta , who was taking the train home . He went around to the employee parking lot behind the building . He had pinned his umbrella between his shoulder and neck while opening his bag to fish out his car keys when a voice called him from behind . Thinking it was Tatsuta , Douno turned around . It was Kitagawa . Douno 's shock made him drop his bag , which tipped over on its side on the wet ground . His empty lunchbox flew out of the open bag and slid across the ground to the feet of the man standing across from him . " Th - Thank you . " He took it hastily . Kitagawa was wearing a white shirt and black pants , and holding a clear plastic umbrella usually sold in convenience stores . Douno had no idea what to do in response to that . He stood at a loss , with his bag still in his arms . The rain showed no signs of letting up , and he could feel his feet getting wet just standing there . He noticed Kitagawa 's pants were darker from the knees down because they were wet as well . " Okay , " Kitagawa answered , and climbed into the passenger seat as he was told . Douno slid into the driver 's seat and put his things in the back seat . He started the car and turned on the heater . He was cold himself , but Kitagawa also looked quite cold as he hugged his shoulders and shivered . " Dunno , " Kitagawa cocked his head . " I don 't have a watch . It was past three when I got on the bus , came here , and made sure you car was here . . . " " I told you I don 't like the phone , " Kitagawa said adamantly . Douno had no choice but to back off . The raindrops made pattering sounds against the windshield . He remembered their conversation on the phone about two weeks before . It had been raining then , too . " How have you been doing since moving here ? Have you settled down ? " Douno began with general small - talk . The silence between them was more awkward when they were sitting beside each other instead of talking over the phone . " Construction sites , " Kitagawa answered . " Digging holes and carrying dirt . When it rains , work gets cancelled . A lot of the time I show up at the site to be told I 'm off work today . " Douno had a foreboding feeling that Kitagawa was going to make advances on him . Kitagawa did not consider the gazes of those around him . Douno vividly recalled memories of Kitagawa as he sought Douno in their cell in the middle of the day , where other inmates were present . Douno had a feeling Kitagawa would force himself onto him physically if he went over to the man 's house . Besides , Kitagawa was taller and physically stronger . Even if Douno refused ― he had a feeling Kitagawa would go ahead and do it , anyway . " Uh - huh , " Kitagawa sniffed . Douno swallowed hard . " I can 't eat with you today , but maybe another day we can go out to eat together . To an izakaya , or something . " " There 's a takeout place near my house . They 're open ' til nine . Yoshi - chan 's Bento gives you a lot of food for only 290 yen . " Although they had no choice of meals in prison , they were at least nutritionally - balanced , and the dishes changed every day . It seemed Kitagawa had not taken the trouble to do so for his own meals once he was out and by himself . The silence wore on , and Douno had just begun to wonder if he had made Kitagawa angry by nagging him about nutrition and such . Douno remembered Kitagawa saying he had been locked into a small room when he was younger , and had his meals thrown in from the window . It was unlikely he had been fed homemade dishes or nutritious meals under those circumstances . That made Kitagawa 's lack of consideration for what he ate understandable . Kei Kitagawa was a man who had been an unhappy child , betrayed and unloved by his parents . He did not know what it was like to believe in people , to love , or to receive kindness from others . He knew so pitifully little that it was heart - wrenching ― wasn 't that the reason why Douno wanted to do something for this man , to be involved with his life ? " You always eat the same takeout meal , don 't you ? I figured it wouldn 't be a bad experience for you to taste some home cooking . I won 't force you , though . " Even after the car lurched into motion again , there was no answer from him . Douno drove steadfastly back to his house without bringing up another topic , and waited for the other man 's response . If Kitagawa did not want to , he would say so . He was not answering because he was having trouble deciding . Douno parked the car in the parking lot below his apartment . The rain had stopped already . Kitagawa had still not decided on whether he was going or not . With the engine still running , Douno asked him again . " But your family is at your house , " he mumbled . " Why 're you trying to take me there ? I waited two weeks , like I was supposed to . I was excited for today since morning , because I 'd be able to eat with you in the evening , and . . . " Just as Douno put his hand on the parking brake , the door opened on the passenger side . Kitagawa jumped out of the car . Douno hastily shut off the ignition . He thought Kitagawa would take off and disappear , but he stood stock - still in his spot . Kitagawa only glared at him without saying anything , and did not nod . Douno walked towards the building stairs to see what would happen . When he looked back , the man was following him . Douno climbed all the way up the stairs , then turned around again . The man was still following . When he opened the door , he was greeted with a whiff of curry . " Welcome home , " he heard Mariko 's voice call from the kitchen further inside . Honoka came running down the hallway towards him , her small footsteps making pattering sounds on the floor . " Daddy , daddy , pick me up ! " His affectionate daughter thrust both her hands out . " Hurry , hurry , " she rushed him , unable to wait for him to take off his shoes . Douno picked her up , and looked steadily at Kitagawa standing in the doorway . " You 've met him before , remember ? This is Mr . Kitagawa , daddy 's friend . Say hello . " He patted Honoka on the back . " Hello , " she smiled at Kitagawa . " Thank you so much for bringing us that delicious soba the other day . " Then , she fixed Douno with a disapproving glare . " We 'll be able to eat soon , " Douno told Kitagawa . " Do you want to wait in the living room ? It 's right here . " They sat down across from each other on the sofa in the living room . Kitagawa kept his eyes on his feet and did not look up . He had not spoken a word since entering the house . Honoka was sitting in Douno 's lap , but appeared interested in Kitagawa , who was across from them . She threw repeated glances in his direction . She climbed down from Douno 's lap and disappeared for some moments before returning with her favourite doll in her arms . She carefully crept up to the man across from her . Today 's meal was curry rice and salad , typical dinner fare . Kitagawa sat staring , almost glaring , at the curry set out before him . He had never left curry uneaten in prison , so Douno was sure Kitagawa did not dislike it . Even so , he felt strangely nervous . " I 'm sorry this is all we have . I hope it 'll suit your tastes . Please , feel free to have as much as you like . " " Thank you for the meal , " they all said , and all three of them , excluding Kitagawa , picked their spoons up . After Douno had swallowed his first mouthful , Kitagawa finally picked up his spoon . Within five minutes , he cleared off his curry and salad . " So fast ! So fast ! " she said . Mariko looked astonished . Douno knew Kitagawa 's fast eating were lasting effects from his life in prison , where time was limited for everything , but Mariko did not know . Kitagawa shook his head . Mariko glanced at Douno . He nodded shallowly , hoping she would understand that she did not have to insist . " You 're going to eat lots like Mr . Kitagawa , too , right , Honoka ? " Mariko petted Honoka 's head . Children her age tended to have trouble concentrating for long periods of time ; she often took long to finish her meals because she would be distracted by play . But perhaps Kitagawa had influenced her today , for Honoka was eating with intense concentration . " He works at construction sites , " Douno jumped in , filling in the words missing from the beginning and end of Kitagawa 's sentence . " How long have you been friends with my husband ? I don 't think I saw you at our wedding . " Douno perceived what his wife was wanting to ask , and answered ahead of Kitagawa . " I see , " Mariko answered . She did not seem to doubt his explanation about Kitagawa being his underclassman . Kitagawa glanced at Douno with a questioning look , but did not try to correct his lie . Kitagawa obeyed Honoka 's requests and drew all manners of pictures on the notepad . When she said " bunny - rabbit " , he drew a rabbit ; when she said " Mr . Elephant " , he drew an elephant . When she said " castle " , he drew a towering Japanese castle with shachihoko ornaments , was promptly shot down with a " Noooooo " from Honoka , and was seen scratching the back of his head in confusion . The man shook his head silently . Kitagawa barely spoke to Douno or Mariko , and drew picture after picture in silence at Honoka 's request . When it struck nine o ' clock , both Kitagawa and Honoka yawned in tandem . Judging by Kitagawa 's work cycle , Douno imagined it would almost be time for him to sleep . Mariko peeled the whining girl off of Kitagawa , and Honoka burst into loud tears . Douno ushered Kitagawa to the door , the man turning back every so often as if reluctant to leave . They exited the house together . " She 's our only child , so we can 't help but give in . That 's why she can be a bit selfish . Sorry you had to put up with her games , " Douno said to the man behind him as he went down the stairs ahead of Kitagawa . " We have to start teaching her that she can 't always get what she wants . " Kitagawa was silent . He had said barely anything , so it was hard to tell what he had thought about the visit . Douno walked towards the parking lot , intending to drive Kitagawa home . Kitagawa set off ahead of him , and Douno hastily trailed behind . They walked side - by - side through the quiet neighbourhood . A car passed them occasionally , but there were no people . There were puddles here and there , perhaps from the rain in the daytime . Douno avoided the puddles as they walked along , but Kitagawa splashed through them heedlessly . " What 's ' ostracized ' ? How the hell would I know ? " Kitagawa kicked his right heel into the ground in frustration . " The curry that your wife made was good . The kid was cute . But my feelings are different from that . I don 't really want to see your house . It doesn 't belong to me , and when I see things like that , I really . . . feel like you 're far away . Like I 'm a different - coloured balloon from everyone else . " I don 't belong there . Douno felt like he could understand now what the man meant . " Shiba told me , ' It 's up to you to go over there , but don 't cause trouble for Douno . If you 're gonna see him , keep it once every two , three weeks . ' I figured that 's just how things worked , so I waited for two weeks after your phone call and went to see you . I thought about a lot of things while I was waiting . I 'd bring you over to my house , and we 'd eat together , and we 'd talk . I had it all planned out , but now it 's all ruined . I was so excited for today , and just when I finally get to see your face , you go on saying crap like you 'll send me home unless I go to your house . So I either had to put up with it to be with you , or go home and wait another two weeks . It 's the worst . " Kitagawa repeatedly kicked the hydro pole beside him with his heel . He kicked it over and over until , panting and out of breath , he began to shuffled his feet forward wearily . Douno was unsure whether to walk him the rest of the way home , or turn on his heel to go back . He felt like it would be awkward either way . But unable to abandon the man , Douno ran after Kitagawa . " That 's my house , and that 's my family , " Douno said to the man who stomped along with his back to him . " You might not have liked it , but this is reality . You can 't help it if you feel like you 're a different colour , because that house is where we live as a family . You can always start your own household . Then , we can have a relationship that includes both our families . " " I 've said over and over that I love you ! " Kitagawa yelled , in a voice that was loud enough to ring out over the neighbourhood . Douno felt himself cower , but desperately tried to remain defiant . " No matter how much you feel for me , I can 't return your feelings . I can 't feel that kind of romantic love for you . If that 's what you want from me , don 't ever come see me again . " " We need to draw the line , " Douno implored . " I can 't feel romantic love for you , But I still want to see you as friends . If we 're friends , you won 't have to wait two or three weeks . Come over every day , if you like . Come over to eat with us . " " I 've been thinking for a long time : you 're not fair . I like you so many times more than you like me . I know I do . " " Don 't say it like that . It 's true that I married Mariko , but I still want to keep being friends with you . I want to see what kind of person you 'll fall in love and find happiness with . I still want to be involved in your life . " Kitagawa turned on his heel and started walking again . In the outskirts of the residential area , he turned off on a path , and went all the way to the end . His feet stopped in front of a single detached house . It was surrounded by high walls , and the branches of a tall tree were poking out over it . Douno had seen this house before ; the real estate agent had shown it to him and his wife when they were looking for a house to live in together . It was old and dirty , and since Mariko protested , they had not taken it . Kitagawa put a hand on the gate , which swung limply like a mere ornament . " Feel free to give me a call whenever you like . Let 's eat together . You don 't need to hold back . " Douno insisted as strongly as he could at the man 's back , and turned to go home . Douno realized he had not given the man his phone number yet . He fished out his cell phone from his jacket pocket , and displayed his number . He repeated the eleven - digit number twice , slowly . " Oh , sorry . But you 'll be able to get a hold of me better by phone , and we wouldn 't miss each other when we try to meet . " He made a little bit of an excuse for his forgetfulness . " I remember everything I talked about with you today . I never forget what you say . But you forget what I say right away , " Kitagawa said in a detached way . " Is that what it means for me to love you and for you to see me as a friend ? " " You only have to wait a little bit until morning . " Douno repeated as if convincing a small child . He made sure nothing more spilled from Kitagawa 's lips after his plaintive claim of loneliness , then turned on his heel . He walked a few steps and turned around . He could see the shadow still standing in the same spot . Kitagawa had said over and over that he was lonely . If he 's that lonely , it wouldn 't hurt if I stayed with him for one night ― Douno 's feelings were starting to tip in that direction . It was affection , he thought . It was not romantic love , and they were not family . But he harboured an affection inside him which he could do nothing about . " Mr . Taguchi , " Mariko said . Taguchi was the manager of the supermarket where Mariko worked part - time . She had introduced them once when Douno went shopping with her . Taguchi was three years older than Douno , but he looked much younger and was an amiable man . He seemed to like children , for he was all smiles when he spoke to Honoka , and had given her a candy from the store as a gift . He was married for over ten years . " They don 't have children , though , " Mariko had said . " Thanks , but it 's okay . I already told him no . " Mariko smiled . Come to think of it , Honoka was nowhere in sight , when she had been bawling moments before . " He 's a little different , isn 't he ? " Mariko said . " He doesn 't talk much . But he 's really kind . He had a lot of patience to put up with a four - year - old child for that long . " " He 's living by himself , and I don 't think he eats very well . He 's not close with his family , either , so I want him to feel at home spending time with us . Is it alright if I invite him over for dinner in the future ? " " I will , " Douno answered , and gently embraced his wife . As he stroked her soft brown hair which cascaded midway down her back , he noticed something twinkling around his wife 's slender , fair neck . It was a necklace , but he had never seen this design before . Douno smiled wryly . " I 'm not angry at you . You have a part - time job , too , so you should feel free to buy what you want without my permission . " " Yeah , " said Mariko . " He 's tall , and though he 's a bit awkward , he 's kind . I think he 'd be on my radar if I were single . "

Caution : This Romantic Sex Story contains strong sexual content , including Ma / Fa , Romantic , Rape , Tear Jerker , Desc : Romantic Sex Story : Part 1 : What price paradise ? - A young girl goes to Cancun and finds that paradise is not always fun . Can she find love and fulfill her dreams ? I lay there in the tub , thinking how my life had gone bad so fast . Even now , two months later , I was still confused . It all seemed like a dream , a nightmare . Images flashed in and out of my mind of that awful motel room , images of the bugs crawling on the mildew stained walls , the filthy sheets , and of Klaus . I had the water as hot as I could stand and I had taken some sleeping pills . I stared with fascination at the light glinting off the edge of the razor blade . It was one of those single sided blades that I used to use for crafts . It was bad , really bad , what had happened on our trip to Cancun , to paradise . I still had nightmares of that night on the beach south of Playa Del Carmen . Then last week I had missed my second period . I worried about it and finally got a pregnancy kit at the drug store . I took the test in the upstairs bathroom and couldn 't believe the results . Crying a little , I went back to the drugstore to get another kit - hoping the first one might have been defective . When the results were the same I felt like my life was over . All my plans for school , my plans for life were gone . I knew I couldn 't face the future so I took the pills and found the old razor blade . I was having trouble focusing on the sharp , shiny edge - it seemed to be jumping around , the bathroom lights reflecting with a crazy hard luster . Knowing I would be asleep in a couple of minutes I steeled myself and put the blade on my wrist . . . pausing for a minute , watching with a morbid fascination as the vein pulsed , so regularly , almost hypnotically . I slashed at the spot where the pulse showed and slipped back in the hot water . A sudden regret came to me - I was taking two lives , not just one ! Dimly , almost subconsciously , I heard the garage door opening as the blood swirled in the water making pretty patterns . . . as everything faded . " Kathy , you won 't believe this ! My parents are taking me to Cancun for my graduation present and they said I could bring a friend . Of course , I chose you ! It 's going to be great ! " I knew it wasn 't that simple , of course . Mom wanted to know everything before she would say okay . My dad had died a couple of years ago in a construction accident . Ever since then mom had been overly protective . I understood and didn 't usually mind too much but I really wanted to go on this trip . The farthest I had ever traveled from our Sherman Oaks home ( until last month ) was San Diego to visit the zoo and Marine World and one summer I spent at my uncle 's ranch in Idaho . High school was coming to a close with graduation next week after finals this week . I wouldn 't miss school at all ! I did well in my studies and had already been accepted to Humboldt State University where I was planning my major in Forestry & Watershed Management . I know , I know . What 's a Valley Girl know about trees ? My mom had taken me up for a visit and I loved the place . The campus was really nice and the professors I met were friendly and supportive . The woman that would be my faculty advisor took me and two other prospective students to visit a burn , an area devastated by forest fire and being replanted . I was fascinated by what I saw and even surer that this was right for me . Betty was a party girl , always going on dates and in and out of love with a bewildering regularity . I had always been shy and , like I said , mom was a little too protective . Betty had made me go to the two proms and had even provided the dates . It was okay but I didn 't really like either one of the boys . Betty kept telling me I was cute . I knew she was just being a good friend . I did have nice hair - long and a rich dark brown and I never had a problem with it . No bad hair days for me . But standing in front of my mirror I could see that my legs were too short and my bust was too small . I sure wasn 't going to win any wet tee shirt contests ! With Betty 's and her parent 's help mom finally agreed to let me go . Betty 's mom and dad took Betty , my mom and I out to dinner at the country club they belonged to so we could talk over the trip . Tal 's law firm owned a suite at a new resort in Cancun that was placing a special emphasis on security . The suite had a living room , kitchen / dining room and three bedrooms , each with their own bath . It helped that mom and Allison were good friends so between all of us we won mom over . I didn 't have any problems with the finals . I guess I was actually pretty smart and I studied a lot . I graduated fifth in my class and this was at a school where almost all graduating seniors went to college . The graduation itself seemed somewhat of an anticlimax - school was really over and I felt sad . It wasn 't that I liked the school all that much . . . I guess it was just the sense of all the changes that were coming . I would be away from home for the first time and I knew that would be hard on me . Betty was staying close to home - UCLA - and I would miss her almost as much as my mom . I didn 't have any brothers or sisters and I didn 't make friends easily so I knew I was going to be lonely . I tried to protest but Betty always seems to get her way with me . Truthfully I was getting a little excited about the trip . Betty went on and on about all that we were going to do . She laughed and helped me finish packing . Her stuff was already packed and her folks were picking us up in a limo to take us to the airport . I hugged mom as she kept giving me last minute instructions . You know , do this , don 't do that , make sure . . . call me , send me a postcard . . . did you pack your . . . She was crying a little , I think . My eyes seemed a little blurry so I wasn 't sure . Finally we were off , the adventure starting . We were flying first class in a 747 . I had never even been on a plane before so everything was new . I felt like a princess with the way the stewardess treated me . I was so excited I almost wet my panties ! We talked and giggled a lot for a while until they served the meal . Betty fell asleep after that and I looked out the window at the land so far below and wondered at the lives of the people that lived on the ant - sized farms . I was too keyed up to sleep . The hotel was awesome - even to my inexperienced eye I could see it was luxurious . The suite was stunning . Betty told me that I had the small bedroom , but golly , the bath was bigger than my bedroom at home . Everything was marble and I had a small balcony that looked out over the ocean . After we got settled in , Betty dragged me down to the hotel shops to " make a new Kathy " as she put it . Nothing had prices on it but I knew it was expensive . I didn 't feel right letting her get me these things but she was so excited I went along with her . It was fun trying on everything . I blushed at the two sets of swimwear Betty picked out and told her I would never be able to wear them in public . We ate dinner at the hotel with Tal and Allison . I had probably the best meal of my life : a mixed ceviche followed by a wonderful local fish . Tal poured me a glass of wine , something white from France . I 'd had wine at home a couple of times with mom but this was something else ! Allison smiled at me and said , " Enjoy the wine . You only have to be eighteen in Mexico to drink . But be careful - you girls haven 't learned how to drink yet so take it easy . " After dinner Betty and I went down to walk around the grounds . We stopped by the pool and had a Margarita , my first . I didn 't care for the salt so Betty made me drink another one . I liked the taste better but I felt a little lightheaded as we made our way up to the rooms . It was a nice evening so I left the door to the balcony open . I lay awake for a bit , feeling the effects of the two drinks . I felt . . . I don 't know . . . maybe a little spacy . It wasn 't unpleasant , just kind of weird . I fell into a deep sleep , listening to the faint sound of the surf crashing endlessly on the white sand ; sleeping uninterrupted until Betty jumped on my bed , telling me the plans for the day before I was even awake . This first day we were all going to Xcaret . This turned out to be a fun place . I liked best the snorkeling ; I 'd never done that before . We also got to play with the dolphins and go horseback riding . They had built a replica Mayan village that all of us found fascinating . We got back to the hotel around three so Betty and I went down to the pool for an hour . Betty was flirting with a couple boys but I tried to stay out of it . I wasn 't listening too closely ; I was watching people walking around - a favorite activity of mine but I thought I heard their names as Benny and Ricard . Making a guess I asked Ricard in French where in France he was from . He became animated and started talking very fast . After getting him to slow down I was able to understand him fairly well . He was from the south of France , near Nice , and the pronunciation was different from what I was used to . I felt more confident with talking ; he didn 't have any trouble understanding me at all . I noticed another man sitting at a nearby table looking at us with interest ; he seemed to be listening to Ricard and I talking in French . He made eye contact with me and stood up and walked over . He was very attractive with dark , almost black wavy hair worn a little long . He was tall , maybe a couple inches over six feet , slim and looked a little older , maybe around twenty - five and was quite handsome , almost pretty . He really reminded me of Sal Mineo in " Exodus ; " my mom had rented that movie once and I had watched it with her . He picked up my hand and kissed it as he talked in French with a clear Parisian accent ; he sounded just like my French teacher ! I was confused when he took my hand and didn 't know whether to stand or sit . He was telling me what a beautiful woman I was and what a lovely accent I had . I was getting quite flustered when he turned to everyone else and introduced himself . He waved at the bar for another round of drinks . I tried to tell him I didn 't want any more - I was already feeling light - headed . He just looked at me and told me what lovely eyes I had . We all talked and the discussions became more animated as the new drinks were delivered . About halfway through my third Margarita I knew I had already had too much . I remembered what Betty 's dad had said so I stood up and excused myself . Betty said she would finish her drink and meet me in the suite . I mumbled something . . . I don 't remember even if it was in French or English . I knew I needed to go up and lie down ; I was feeling more than a little dizzy now . He smiled at me as the elevator doors closed . " Oh , it 's okay Betty . I think I had too much to drink and the way he kept looking at me made me a little nervous . You are so comfortable with people , I really envy you ! " " Honey , I 've been telling you that you are very pretty . You need to loosen up a little and be open to making new friends . Listen ! I have a great idea . Let 's go down to the spa in the morning and we 'll get a new look ! Mom told me they are very professional and can do wonders for a girl 's image . " They gave us the full treatment : facials , manicure , pedicure and then styled our hair . She cut a couple of inches off mine and then did a more up - to - date look . I was impressed ! I almost didn 't recognize myself and had a quick thought of how Alain would like the new me . I quickly told Betty how nice she looked and tried to put Alain out of my mind . Betty 's dad was going to play golf and she and her mom were going shopping . I was left alone so I went down to the pool and sat around in the shallow end sipping on an orange juice . I was being careful not to get my hair wet . I decided to get some sun so I laid down on one of the lounges and quickly fell asleep . There was a shadow covering my face as I gradually woke up . As my eyes opened a little I could see Alain looking at my body . Remembering the swimsuit Betty had made me buy my skin turned a bright red . I 'm sure he thought I was sunburned ! His eyes as he looked at me had a strange look , one almost predatory . I had spent one summer when I was twelve at my uncle 's dude ranch outside Coeur D ' Alene and had been in the barn . There was a big grey tomcat that had a mouse trapped between his large paws . He would play with it , let it escape and suddenly pounce on it again . As Alain looked at my body , barely hidden by the brief swimsuit , I felt like that mouse . My body gave an involuntary shudder and Alain saw / sensed the movement and looked at my eyes . " Kathy , how nice to see you . I can see the ice in your drink is melted ; can I get you a new one ? What are you drinking ? " He walked over to the bar and I put my on my filmy swimsuit cover - up . It was pretty transparent but I felt better . I had had enough sun so I grabbed my stuff and moved to the shade . A few minutes later Alain came back with my drink and something for himself . " I 'm glad you like it . It is orange juice and it has just a little champagne in it for flavor . I like it on a hot day like this but I like it even better with breakfast . " I hadn 't had very much alcohol before but this tasted pretty weak . We sat there and talked for an hour of so and I had a couple more of them . Alain told me they were called mimosas . When I asked , he agreed that they were mostly orange juice . From the way he had been looking at me I expected him to make a pass or something . . . although I wasn 't really sure what a ' pass ' was . Betty had talked about it a lot but no one had ever done it to me . Betty had assured me that I would know when someone ' put a move ' on me ( her words ) . " I hope we can meet again . You are a shining light in my dull existence . I lack the words to do proper justice to your beauty but if I may borrow from Shakespeare , you are " An Angel ; or , if not , an earthly paragon . " I stood there , my face some kind of pink , feeling a little bewildered . The last of what he said was in French except for the quote from Shakespeare . The quote from " Cymbeline " I was familiar with from helping with set decoration for a play last year at school . I gathered my stuff , feeling a little light headed as I stood up . I made it up to the suite but no one was there . I fell down on the bed feeling terribly sleepy all of a sudden . I was a bit dizzy again with the ceiling spinning around slowly . I turned over onto my face and feeling better fell into a deep sleep . I guess this was going to be a regular thing , Betty bouncing up and down on my bed so full of cheer at some ungodly hour . Well , I thought so anyway until I realized it was after nine and I hadn 't had dinner the night before . There were two other things that hit me all at once : I had a terrible headache and I was starved - even though my stomach felt a little queasy . We rushed through breakfast and took a taxi the short distance to the ferry . I was both surprised and somewhat uneasy that Alain was there . No one else seemed to pay much attention to him ; they just accepted his presence . He was very nice about it and asked if it was okay if he tagged along . When we got on the ferry he sat next to me . The boat was crowded so his leg was right up against mine . I tried to move over a little but Benny was right against me on the other side . It turned out to be a lot of fun . The snorkeling was fantastic and the trees were teeming with parrots . For lunch we took a taxi in to the downtown area - about three blocks by six blocks . We ate at an Italian place that had delicious thin crust pizzas . Betty ordered a beer - I think it was Victoria - for both of us but I didn 't like it . Alain said I should try a Cuba Libre . I didn 't know what it was but it tasted like a coke on ice although maybe a little sweeter . It was easy to drink so I had a couple of them . We went back to the park and mostly just lay in the sun . Alain was nice to me . He knew I wasn 't much of a drinker so he suggested I try a gin and tonic . He said he would have the bar guy make them very weak and assured me they would be refreshing on a hot day . I liked them better than the other thing , the Cuba something . That was too sweet but this was refreshing . It had a nice clean taste . Alain was nice and got me another one whenever I was thirsty . Betty was drinking Margaritas and I didn 't want to drink that - it was way too strong for me ! The ferry was even more crowded on the way back and the water was choppy . I was squashed between Alain and Betty and I kept bouncing against Alain . Several times he put his hand on my leg to steady me . It didn 't seem right but I was feeling so relaxed . . . I had never felt so mellow before . We got back to the dock in Cancun and Betty said we should all go dancing later . We had to meet her parents for dinner and afterwards she wanted to go to Poco Loco for dancing . Betty said it was a very famous nightclub with entertainment and live dance bands . I didn 't want to go until she said they had live acrobats , something like circus show in Las Vegas . I had never seen it or even been to Vegas before but Betty had been there with her parents and had told me many times how fantastic it was . We had a nice dinner with Betty 's mom and dad at the hotel and went up to the suite for a nap . The show didn 't start until 10 : 30 at night ! I had never gone anywhere that late and I was getting excited . I didn 't think I would be able to sleep but I dozed off in a few minutes . " Kath , this place is so neat . Don 't worry about the cover charge ; mom gave me the money for that . Besides the show , this is a disco - but they don 't have a dance floor ! People dance on the walkways , tables , chairs , just about any place they can find . It is really wild and you will love it . " The guys , Benny , Ricard and Alain , were waiting for us inside the entry . We watched the show first . After the acrobats , they had impersonators of Madonna and Brittney Spears . It was funny - at least I was laughing a lot . Alain was nice and kept bringing me more gin and tonic whenever I ran out . We started dancing and somehow got separated from Betty . Alain and I were towards the back of the club and mostly dancing . Everything seemed a little hazy - maybe we were just dancing slowly - and the lights were very dim in this part of the club . I felt light headed again ; it wasn 't unpleasant at all . I kept giggling over nothing but Alain didn 't seem to mind . I was having trouble breathing . I felt . . . disoriented , hurt . I was dizzy and nauseous . I came slowly to realize something heavy was on me , pummeling me . I fought to open my eyes and what I saw made me close them in anguish . Alain was raping me ! I tightly closed me eyes , wishing I were anywhere but here , that I was anyone but me . The room was half dark from a light in another room . The walls and ceiling were tracked with mildew , making crazy bizarre patterns . There was a lizard , motionless , frozen on one wall , staring at me as if I were invading his home . The sheets were . . . disgusting . Suddenly queasy I staggered to the light , hoping it was a bathroom . I retched a little but nothing came up - it came to me suddenly I had nothing to eat since lunch . I washed my face off with the rusty water from the faucet . The towel was too filthy to use , so I half walked , half crawled back to the room . My clothes were in a bunch on the floor and I struggled to put them on , starting to be aware enough to feel panic that Alain would come back . I couldn 't find my shoes and my purse was on a dresser scarred with the burns of countless cigarettes . The front window was open , the curtain in rags fluttering in the faint breeze off the ocean . Hearing voices in front of the room I moved quietly beside the curtain . It sounded like Benny and Alain talking . " No , she 's stupid drunk now . We want the films of the rape showing her fighting , showing the pain and anguish on her face . The pain is what sells these movies . Give her another hour and try to wake her up . Stick her in a cold shower if you have to . " The stuff for her to wear is in the bag here . You know the shots I want . Rip her clothes off but not too fast . Make it good ! I 've had my pleasure - even though she was more or less comatose . Have Ricard take her first . You will have to change the sheets so it will look like she is a virgin . After the shot splash a little of the chicken blood to make it look good . If Arturo ever finds out I 've been taking them first he 'll have my balls . " When you finish , clean her up , put on her own clothes and take her to the yacht . Jesus will take her to Aruba . I think she is scheduled for Colombia - one of the drug guys wants a new toy . You okay with everything ? " " Okay , I 'll take off . One of you stays in front of the cabin until you are ready to start filming to make sure no one comes by . Let her sleep for a while to give her a chance to sober up a little . Give her a cold shower if you have to . And goddamn it , Benny , leave her alone until you start filming ! " I froze for a minute , shocked and scared at what was said . Indecisive , I looked around the room and seeing my shoes in the corner I started moving . I grabbed the shoes and my purse and went into the small bathroom where I had remembered seeing a window . It was tight but I managed to wiggle through . In back of the cabin , there were some debris and palm trees and off to the side I could hear the pounding of the surf . As quietly as I could , I moved until I reached the sand . In the distance I could see some bright lights , maybe a mile away . Looking over to the cabins I could see a porch light and someone standing there smoking a cigarette . I carefully moved down the slope to the edge of the water until I couldn 't see the light anymore . I walked hunched over for about five minutes and then started running , falling a couple of times , running for the lights . It took a long time before I could see a hotel taking shape . I slowed as I got there and saw people dining under a large palapa with the hotel looming in the darkness . I made it over to the bathroom by the quiet swimming pool , finally throwing up in the toilet . I was shaking and felt cold ; my brain seemed numb . I cleaned up as best I could and walked through the hotel to the lobby . I asked a young man standing by the front door for a taxi . He assumed I was a guest and asked where I wanted to go . He took me out front and opened the door for me . Riding back to the hotel , I stifled my sobs , not wanting to alarm the driver . I tried to put it all together but parts were just a blur . I did remember that I had started feeling woozy at the club and hadn 't drunk several of my drinks . I remembered Alain going to the rest room and I was feeling full so I put my drink on another table and took an empty glass . Another time I took my glass to the ladies room and dumped it out . I understood now that Alain had been lying to me all along and that the drinks were a lot stronger than he had said . I guess I had been very naïve . More than that , I had just been plain dumb . But I think dumping those drinks saved me from some horror even worse than what had happened . And Benny calling Alain , " Klaus ? " What was that ? I was starting to get scared again . Finally the taxi pulled up in front of our hotel . I gave the driver some money Betty had given me and I put the change in my purse without looking at it . The clock on the taxi showed 3 : 22 . As I entered the lobby I saw Betty 's parents , Tal and Allison , standing there with a man with grey slacks and a blue blazer with the hotel logo on the pocket . I walked up to them , suddenly trembling and I started crying . Allison put her arms around me , holding tight . Somehow they got me up to the suite . The blue blazer guy came up also ; he was in charge of security for the hotel . I was able to gasp out part of what happened . Allison got a blanket and wrapped me up while Betty 's dad and the security guy , Oscar , Tal had called him , went out in the hallway to confer . " Okay . Allison , please call down for some hot chocolate . Kathy , you need to have a doctor come see you . Can we do that first ? " I nodded . The chocolate came up in a few minutes and just as I finished it the doctor arrived . She took me into my bedroom and had me sit down . " Okay . I 'll take a swab for the police and I 'll give you an exam . Then you can take a hot shower and we will get you to bed . Okay , Kathy ? " I nodded again and at her directions went into the bathroom to take my clothes off and put on the heavy terrycloth robe . I came back and lay down . The exam was a little uncomfortable but was over very fast . She was gentle and kept talking with a soothing voice , explaining what she was doing . " Okay , chica . I don 't see anything major . You do have some bruising and a small tear in your vagina that will need a couple of stitches . I want you to take a hot shower and clean up before I do that . I understand a woman will be here shortly to talk to you . I 'll tell her she has five minutes . Cancun has a special unit for sexual crimes and all the officers are women . The one coming to see you is Maribel Peña , and I have worked with her before . She is very nice . " " Kathy , this is María Isabel Peña , but she would like you to call her Maribel . I 've explained to her that she should just ask you urgent information right now . Do you feel up to this ? " " He had been coming around and was very nice to everyone . He introduced himself to us when he heard me speaking French . Oh , and by the way , he also speaks some other languages : Italian , and I think German for sure . His Spanish was okay but didn 't seem fluent . " He would have me try drinks that he said I would like . He told me that they didn 't have much alcohol , but I can see now he was lying to me . Last night Betty and I went to Poco Loco and he and two of Betty 's friends , Ricard and Benny met us there . Alain kept bringing me drinks and I guess he was trying to get me drunk . I wasn 't feeling good and he said he would take me back to my hotel , but I must have passed out . I was able to get rid of a couple of the drinks . . . thank God I did ! " It was about a mile or so down the coast from the hotel where I took the taxi . I think that was in Playa Del Carmen . There was a palm tree by itself on the ocean side of the place and it leaned towards the water . I 'm sorry . . . I can 't . . . " " Maribel , I think she has had enough for tonight . You can talk to her again in the morning . Kathy , please take this pill now . You should sleep fine . " Betty was next to me on the bed ; she must have been there all night . Her face was streaked with tears and the pillow was damp . Her skin was mottled with red splotches . It was clear that she had cried a great deal when I had disappeared . Knowing Betty , I was sure she blamed herself . I quietly eased off the bed and into the shower . With the water as hot as I could stand , tears came to my eyes as I thought about last night . I started sobbing but something came over me , something hard and implacable , something with . . . hate in it . I knew I would cry no more but I would carry last night in my heart forever . What happened last night was not Kathy ; I was someone different ! I walked out of the bathroom dressed and dry eyed . Betty had heard the shower and was sitting in the chair with her robe on . She looked at me uncertainly for a minute , then rushed and held me tight , whispering over her sobs . " Kathy , you need to talk to the police woman some more . Maybe with your help we can catch them . Before we go out I want to make sure you are all right . Do you have any pain from the stitches ? " Klaus - you knew him as Alain - has apparently left the country . I know a guy that owes me a favor that can get a message to Arturo - that 's Arturo Mendoza - about what he has been doing with the girls . I wouldn 't want to be Klaus - Arturo is not a nice guy . We got home and it was hard with mom . She was furious with Betty 's parents ; she blamed them . Betty wasn 't comfortable coming around and we started drifting apart . It all came together , and apart , on the day I found out I was pregnant . It took a while for me to figure out what had happened but Mom must have pulled in the garage as I cut my wrist . She had a funny feeling when she came in the house ; she couldn 't describe it , just that " things didn 't feel right . " I had to do some counseling . . . it seemed to help some . What surprised me , I mean really surprised me , was that thought that I had about killing two people . I started getting interested in having a baby , becoming a mother . I started focusing on my little boy ( somehow it seemed like it must be a boy ) and that was a distraction for me . I stopped thinking so much about myself and started thing about the baby . Mom seemed to be about as depressed as I was and wasn 't much help . She had kind of accepted what had happened in Cancun and even my being pregnant . What really bothered her was my trying to kill myself . I told her over and over that I was over that and that I was falling in love with my baby . I think she accepted that , at least in her mind , but she still watched me constantly and didn 't want to leave me alone . I don 't know how things would have turned out but everything changed when I was about four months along . Mom was talking to her brother in Idaho and lost it and started crying . I was reading a book so I picked up the phone and talked to Uncle Sean . I told him what had happened and about the baby and all . By that time , mom had settled down and talked to him again , for a long time . " Honey , Sean wants you to move to his ranch to have the baby . Afterwards you can either stay there or come home . I think it will be good for you to get away from here and see new faces . He has babysitting for his dude ranch customers so that will help a lot . He said he would find a job for you ; he mentioned he needed a hostess for the restaurant . What do you think , Kathy ? " Well , I thought it sounded great . The one time I had spent the summer there , I had loved the place and my aunt and uncle . The cowboys had fussed over me , both teasing me and watching out for me .

Posted on January 26 , 2017 by amywitkop 3 I 've been having nightmares . Not the kind that are irrational and scare the crap out of you , but full cinematic pictures that mirror real life , deep - seated psychological thrillers . The kind where you wake and you question if it was real . This election has really done a number on me . My childhood memories of a bullying Father who knew no boundaries has me wrapped in a child - like coma , rocking in the corner of my mind repeating " I want Momma , I want Momma , " creating nightmares underneath all the outer wrappings of adulthood . I know that that little girl from way back then needs me more than ever and this is my time to help her , to help myself , and in turn to collectively help all of us . It 's also a time for great anger and whenever I see anger , I know that anger comes from fear and behind fear is something missing , some longing . So , for me it 's a chance to look back and see why this is causing such a deep fear and deep mourning for myself . That 's how you get out of anger , fear , loathing and into elation , wonder and curiosity . She looks very serious , which is not unusual for her . She 's like that and I 'm like her , I can switch my mood from serious to hilarious in a moment 's notice and so can she . There is something different this time though . I don 't want to talk to her , because I can sense it underneath , something is very wrong . This is something I 've always done and we can all do , if we pay attention , we can feel what someone else is feeling . I hold my fists tight and start to cry and then I 'm out the door and I run , down the street , around the corner and into the woods until my lungs are heaving and my legs won 't go anymore . I bend over , hands on knees , tears rushing , mind racing , heart pounding . Giant long pine straw needles cover the ground and a tree is down on the ground next to me . I put my hands on the trunk of a pine tree , look up and scream , because there is nothing else to do . My life is beginning and hers - is ending . My brother Jim 's wife Tina just had a baby and I 'm going to stay with them for the summer in Florida before I start school in August . I 'll watch the baby while they work . My parents are moving back to Michigan because of my Mother 's cancer . Most of my brothers and sisters live there and I guess they 'll help out while Mom is sick . So , I go to graduation in my gown , we are told we cannot throw our hats a the end because it 's inappropriate and that if anyone does throw their hat they will not get their diploma . I want to throw my hat anyway , but I don 't risk it . My graduating class is 89 people , we had 93 , but 4 didn 't pass , so we 're 89 now and I 'm near the end of the graduation order and it feels like all day long sitting in this heat , by the dirt track in back of the school . I finally graduate and catch a ride with someone who is " going that way . " Everyone else is going to lunch with their families or doing something to celebrate . I 'm going home to pack and get the hell out of this country town . My boxes are packed . My room is empty . Jim and my Dad take the trash up to the green boxes , where country folk take their trash , because there is no weekly trash service in the country . When they come back , Jim comes into my room and tells me " Dad took your journals out of the trash and kept them . " He 's still trying to do this thing to me , to have power over me , from the time he moved in to now , it 's always a struggle to decide who is in charge . He wants me to come talk to him or challenge him , so he can prove something . That 's what guys like him do . They try to control you . They invade your privacy . They say things that cross the line of inappropriate about you . He wants to stop me from going and he 's not going to do it . What I didn 't know then was that I was angry . I felt slighted . I felt terrible about myself and I went on that way for years . Slowly though , those things fell away . That small girl inside of me saw a way out and she took it . She couldn 't stand up to her Father , but she could get away . She didn 't know that leaving all that behind was about curiosity . She could have stayed , but she didn 't . She was curious about the world . We have a chance to stay curious , we have a chance to wonder and through curiosity and wonder , we can find elation . They are on the opposite side of anger . I only wish I could breakthrough to the other side of this anger I feel about the election faster than I am . It took me 13 years last time . I 'm hopeful that it will take much less . I was in Charleston , South Carolina recently , a place that I once called home . A place that echoes a mysterious call to me . The food , the Charleston drawl , the landscape - the secrets . Walking around in the older parts of Charleston , I can almost hear the whispers of hundreds of years of history . I can also hear and feel the pain of those whispers . Some of those whispers are my own . On that trip , I ended up on a boat with some friends and friends of friends and some older white men and women who were obviously from money , or trying to seem like they were from money . Some were dressed in Polo shirts and khakis that were ever so crisp , others layered with beautiful linens and looked ever so " done " . Makeup , hair , clothes all in perfect alignment . We were surrounded by beauty , the inlets off Morgan Creek , the scent of pluff mud , the green grasses and marshy water , the sun high overhead with a cool breeze . As the booze flowed and we made our way through fresh oysters and beaufort stew with shrimp caught that very morning , conversations broke off into groups . Music and a little dancing began , it was exactly as Charleston should be . I sat on the edge of the boat looking off into the marsh , remembering other days , other times and was sinking into happiness , when off to the other side of the boat I overhead a man , late 60s early 70s say something about " some nigger " . My heart dropped and my chest puffed out , did I hear that ? And then he said it again . I thought to myself " I 've got to say something right now . He cannot say that . " Instead of jumping right up and marching over there , I was paralyzed . I 'm on a boat with people I do not know , some are colleagues of one of my friends . I want to go say something to this man and let him know it is not okay to say that in front of me , in front of anyone . And yet , I cannot move , I 'm a character in this story , this is not my story . It 's not my place , my people , I do not have to work with these people , my friends do . It reminded me of a time when I was in college as a Sophomore at the College of Charleston , it was a Friday , I was in my dorm room and there were parties going on out on the breezeway and in some rooms . My roommates and I were having beers . I went out on the breezeway and was smoking and just down the way were some Citadel cadets , obvious because of their haircuts . I didn 't know them , but one called out to me " Hey dyke ! " I looked and said " What ? What did you call me ? " he said " You 're a dyke right ? " I was seething , but what could I say back ? I didn 't identify as a dyke , I 'm definitely gay , but I 'm not all that butch or anything . I 'm also a Sophomore in college , still trying to figure things out in life . What do I say ? On that day on a boat in Charleston , the whispering of old Charleston sat right beside me and I said nothing . I didn 't have the courage to speak up in the same way that Brandon did . It wouldn 't have mattered , to anyone , but me . It would have mattered to me . And I have to admit , I let myself down that day . When I was 11 my parents left me with my two brothers - I 've written about this before in TODD . As we approached Christmas , I began to work on this piece about Christmas , but couldn 't finish it until now . It 's not that I hold onto these memories and dwell on them , it 's more like they hold onto me . The Holidays are hard for me , but not as hard as they used to be . Instead of avoiding the memories , I now embrace them in this way or that and they are only a part of the story I have lived . They don 't rule my life , they don 't define me now , but they are a reflection of my experiences and I can 't help but think about them from time to time . Mom calls once a week and talks to Bobby and Johnny , I sometimes talk to her and sometimes I don 't get a turn . When I do talk to her , I don 't know what to say . I just listen to her breathe on the phone . I wish she were home and I want to tell her that , but I don 't know how to make the words come out of my mouth . She sounds happier being away , she laughs , she 's fishing , going to the flea market and visiting with people and Dad is working . I like her to be happy . So , I don 't tell her anything about me or how I 'm feeling , because I don 't know . Mom is on the other end of the phone and she says , " We got you something you 've always wanted for Christmas . You 'll love it . We 're sending it in a box with some other things and it will get there right before Christmas . " As I look back today , I wonder what I thought she was sending . Love ? Safety ? Security ? What had I always wanted ? That 's what I needed , but I couldn 't say it . I didn 't know how and back then - I didn 't know that 's what I wanted . A week or more pass and Johnny and Bobby have decided they will get a Christmas tree , but not put it in the living room where we usually have it when Mom is here , but they will put it in Mom and Dad 's bedroom , which they have turned into the living room and the old living room is now the sitting room . Looking back , none of us belonged in that life , I wanted to be spectacular and they wanted a sitting room . We were made for better times and things . We tromp through the snow and the woods to find the tallest tree that will fit in the house and they chop it down - because they love to chop things , kick things , build things , fix things . They drag it back to the house and get it into the stand and decorate . I don 't like decorating , because whatever I put on the tree is not right and not in the right place - according to them . So , eventually I give up and sit on the couch . I eat some chewy Christmas candy left over from last year . They string the lights , put ornaments on , throw tinsel all over and then decide it is time to decorate the GIANT pine tree outside . The tree outside is so tall that I cannot see the top when I look up , I have to go out into the yard to see the top . I warn them about climbing that tree . " Remember Johnny - how you broke your arms climbing the tree across the street . Mom says don 't climb trees . " They laugh as if I 'm crazy and get a ladder and a big mess of lights and go out into the yard . The way Mom tells the story about Johnny 's fall is : " You were in the bathtub and I had to get you out fast because someone ran up to the door and said Johnny was hurt . So I pulled you out and told you get dry and dressed and ran to the front door . When I got there - I saw his arms and they were all crooked . And I took a deep breath and said someone run and get Ardis and see if she can drive us to the hospital . And then Johnny said " I 'm sorry Mom . " That 's all he said . That 's it . Broken arms and all and he said he was sorry . He didn 't cry one tear when they set them back in place . He was so brave . " All I remember was I had wet hair and was running a comb through it and I peeked out at Johnny and his arms were all twisted around , his wrists going in the wrong direction . I felt light - headed and sat down and combed my hair some more . He came home with casts up to the elbow on each arm and laid on the couch for a week or more and someone had to help him pee . I 'm glad it wasn 't me . That 's how I tell the story . They work for hours on that tree making sure every bulb is in the right place and when they are finished it 's the best Christmas tree I 've ever seen in person . Big red , green and blue bulbs light up and shine bright . We laugh and it 's fun being out with these guys in the snow putting up Christmas lights , even though I 'm only watching . I would like to be a dare - devil and climb that tree , but there is no way I want to break my arms so I 'm not doing it . A few days later , when I get home from school Bobby and Johnny are busy doing something , wrapping something and laughing . It 's the last day of school before Christmas and I am home now for the week , it 's Wednesday and I only have to wait two days until Christmas , but really only one day to open presents - on Christmas Eve . That tradition started because my Dad used to be with his other family on Christmas day . The one he was married to and not us and that is an entirely different story for another time . I 'm happy to be off school , but bored because I know I 'll be listening to a whole lot of Billy Joel and Foreigner on my Dad 's 8 - track player that is now in the sitting room . These guys listen to it non - stop , so loud that I can 't watch TV . They come out of the living room and say , " You can take a look now . " I don 't care anymore , but that small part of me that hopes for something special goes to take a look . The tree is full underneath with what looks like 30 or more presents all wrapped with bows and some even have a ribbon around them . There is one giant box in the back corner of the tree , almost behind it . " Guess . " I 'm really not into this whole thing of guessing . I 'm never right , so I don 't guess and sit on the couch again . On Christmas Eve , Johnny says " Let 's open presents on Christmas morning like normal people . " Bobby says " Yeah , that 's what normal people do . " I do not want to do this so I grumble around and get mad and punch the couch , but I know they are not going to change their minds . So , we watch some TV and drink soda , eat candy and eventually I fall asleep on the couch . We open socks and underwear and I open a new nightgown and some other things that don 't matter . There is wrapping paper everywhere , all over the living room . Bobby brings me the big box . My stomach flutters as I peel back the paper and pull back the tape on the top of the box . I close my eyes and open the box , it 's full of packing peanuts . I scoop handfuls out and onto the floor and then I see something . Gray and dark , so I dig on and I see more of something gray and dark and I stop and tears flow and flow and flow . I scoot back from the box and cry . " ROCKS ! " I scream " They sent me rocks ? " I can see on their faces - they realize - they were playing a joke - but I do not think this is a joke and it is not funny . " Amy , Amy , it 's okay , really there is a present in there , we just thought it would be funny to put rocks in there . There really is a present in there Amy , seriously . " I scoot back further . " I don 't want it . I don 't care . You are the meanest people I have ever known " I sob , sniffing snot back . I look and they have a brown plastic box in their hands . I rip it out of their hands and open it . It 's a silver watch with digital time - something I have always wanted . I pull it out of the box , it has a stretchy metal band on it . I pull back the band and slide it over my wrist . It feels cheap on my arm , like a play toy . I pull it off and throw it down . " I don 't want it . It 's like everything else , cheap . They probably got it at a flea market . " I put some jeans on , pull on a sweatshirt , two pairs of socks and my boots . Put my coat on , slam the door and walk to the woods where everything is quiet . In the middle of the trees and snow - I stand and cry again , the cold feels good on my hot wet face . I remember my Mother . The way her hands moved over the raw turkey , salting and buttering under the skin . She was mindful about food and set in her ways about how this or that should be done , when it came to cooking . All ten of us kids were banished from the kitchen , but I would watch - from a distance - in wonder - at how she made things - all from scratch - all on more than a tight budget . She 'd mash with an old hand masher , thick grooved metal at the end and a wooden handle that used to be red , but was mostly worn down to the wood . I 'd add things . In her way . Butter first . She 'd hand me a butter knife and put a stick of butter on the table , still cold in the wrapper . " We 've got to add this butter while the potatoes are hot . " I 'd slice off inch after inch of butter , unwrap and throw it into the pan - all as fast as I could . She 'd mash and then stop to look into the pan . " More butter . " I 'd slice , unwrap and throw in again . " See there , it 's not all white anymore . " Then milk . She 'd mash and I 'd pour into the old battered , but still solid cooking pot . My small hands balancing the gallon jug of milk , one hand at the top , one at the bottom . " Not too much milk . " She 'd mash and mash . " Potatoes should be creamy , not too thick , not too thin . Add some more milk . " Bang . She 'd hit the side of the pan with the masher . The potatoes fell back with a thud . " More milk . " More mashing - Bang - the potatoes fall back - with a lightness . Then pepper . " You should see the right amount of pepper all through the potatoes . " I 'd shake and shake , the pepper never came out of the pepper shaker very fast . " See that 's right , now you can see pepper everywhere . " Then salt to taste . I 'd shake the not really white anymore , plastic Tupperware shaker with the broken lid , a few times . " Potatoes need a lot more salt than you think , Amy . " I 'd shake and shake and laugh , so much shaking . She 'd press on , now with more stirring than mashing , fluffing up the potatoes . She 'd drop a finger into the pan and bring potatoes up to her mouth . The back of her hand would come into focus . Thin and thick at the same time , veins standing out , small brown spots , always tan , but not leathery . Their smell in my mind without ever smelling them , onions , salt , butter , flour - it 's as if she had been cooking her whole life . " Mmmm , but not yet , more salt , a little more milk . " I 'd pour and scramble to keep up . And then bang , bang , bang , the masher on the side of the pot , to shake off all the mashed potato stuck to the masher . With me standing on the chair next to the table - she 'd hand over the masher . I 'd scrape it clean with my hands , shoveling what was left into my mouth - jump down - turn on the sink - rinse the masher and throw it into the sink with another bang . Posted on March 26 , 2013 by amywitkop 5 I 've thought about this time in my life a lot lately . It 's hard to imagine me at 11 processing these feelings on my own . I think it all adds up , all the grief , you remember , even if you don 't remember consciously your body remembers and while I do believe if you work with it and acknowledge it , it helps in the letting go - there are still times that it comes back . One Sunday evening I am staring at nothing out the front windows in the kitchen and see a small black cat , sauntering - yes , he is sauntering - up the left set of stairs . He 's a tiny little thing with bright green eyes . " Oh look , a black cat , " I yell to my partner , Julie . " What ? " she says , running into the kitchen , leaning toward the window . He walks right up the steps onto the back patio . Julie is absolutely and utterly excited about the prospect of another cat . She grabs the cat food and rushes outside , sprinkling it on the ground . Not too rushed , though . " I don 't want to scare him off , " she says . I stand inside for a moment and eventually move to the doorway with the door nearly shut behind me so Isabel , the cat that lives with us , doesn 't run out . " Oh , he 's so skinny - he must not have a home . His head looks so big because he 's too skinny . " She is knelt down next to him , but not too close , barely touching him . I can see his tiny ribs , black fur flecked with gray . He is older than I would have thought , his skin sagging a little . The shining smile in Julie 's eyes when she looks up at me has me feeling momentarily outrageous , so much so that I want to shout out , " Let 's keep him ! " " We 'll call him Todd , since his head is so big - after Big Head Todd and the Monsters , " she says . I feel it in my heart , yes , let 's keep him . What happens next is how it always is with me - my brain and my body take over . My old memories flood back to me , and I hate using the word flood to describe emotions , but it is what it feels like . I can 't turn it off . I can talk myself through it , but I can 't turn it off . The images that come to me are the way they are . I can 't really say it out loud either . So I brood on it and sit there , feeling something stuck in my throat , as if to speak it would cause me great harm , but it 's in there and it wants to come out . So much so that this little cat has become a metaphor in my life for the words that I need to speak , that I need to say aloud to help myself and possibly to help someone else . Some part of me believes this . We don 't end up adopting him , but in a way , he adopts me - appearing at just the right times over the next few months to help me remember and pull up these old memories . Coincidence ? I think not - Carl Jung says what doesn 't come to you in consciousness comes to you as fate . For me , Todd is both . So while the world is going on , Julie talking about the cat outside and how he must not have a home and we 'll have to feed him and this and that , I try to distract myself , doing something on the computer or my phone , playing a game , drinking a glass of wine - but that 's not where I am . I 'm not even in my body . I 'm in a field in Hartland , Michigan , and I am 11 . I 'm in a field of tall grass in the heat of summer . Sweat drips and drops off of me . My blonde hair is pasted against my neck and face . I 'm not a very sweaty kid , I 'm more of misty kid . Sweat covers me most days from head to toe when it 's hot . I 've never liked the heat even though I was born in the summer . It gives me a headache . I wish I did like summer . Everyone else can 't wait until it comes around , but I 'm too fair - skinned to ever fall in love with it . Most summer days I 'm inside , in the water or somewhere cool . If not , I 'm likely complaining and miserable , because I can 't stand the heat . But not today . Today , I 'm out in the field next to our home in Hartland , Michigan , just three lines in from my thumb , that 's where I live on the map . I 'm playing with a bunch of kittens . They are the sweetest things ever , their tiny green eyes and soft baby fur . I love them so much I 'll even stand right in the heat of the sun for them . I whisper to them - things I 've never heard anyone say to me . " I love you , little kitten . " Always in a hush . I know if someone hears they 'll tease me . We don 't say such things at my house and I don 't know why we don 't , but we don 't and if you even think of such things , someone will call you a baby , an asshole , a witch or something worse . " You 're my best friends . " Grinning as I tell them . A tear wells in the corner of my eye when I say it . I don 't know why that tear does that . I blink it back . " No sense crying over some silly cats . " That 's what I tell myself whenever I start to worry about something I shouldn 't or can 't do anything about . I 'm 11 , crying is for babies . " No sense crying over that . " The cats are tiny , maybe six or eight weeks old , two gray , one black , and two black and white - " a mixed breed , " Momma would say . I 've named each of them after someone famous , someone I might be like when I grow up . I wouldn 't ever tell anyone their names . It 's a secret between me and my kittens and if I did tell someone theyMomma and Daddy have been gone for nearly a year - I 'm not sure they are ever coming back . Daddy , who is this old guy with wispy gray hairs on the top of his head , always covered by a trucker hat or a Greek fisherman 's hat , even though he is not Greek or a trucker , pulled me aside one day and dragged me into the park , which made me want to scream and run away because he gives me the creeps . I get that feeling inside that says something bad is about to happen whenever I am alone with him , and for all the things I don 't feel or don 't admit - that 's one thing I do listen to . He promised he just had something to tell me and wouldn 't do anything bad , so I went with him into the park - and tell me something he did . He told me , with his old coffee breath streaming right out of his mouth into my nose and out the top of my head , that he and Momma were leaving to find work and they 'd come back to get me . I didn 't really believe him because I hardly know him and in my family we don 't trust people we don 't know . I also didn 't know what to say . So I stood there in silence and pretended it wasn 't going to happen . I never knew Daddy before last year when he moved in with us . No one ever even told me he was moving in . I only overheard Momma saying to one of the older kids , " We need him . We 'll have a better life if he 's around . " I haven 't seen anything better since he 's been around . Anyone who was old enough to move out of the house did , right away . Johnny and Bobby are the only ones left with me . With Daddy moved in , the rules changed fast . No TV , unless you wanted to watch PBS , which is the most terrible channel I 've ever watched . We ate microwave food instead of real food and it didn 't taste good . Momma didn 't watch TV with us anymore , she played cards with him and I had to go to bed at 9 : 00 . Before that I always stayed up past 11 : 00 . Momma and Daddy left me with Johnny and Bobby . Johnny is 18 and Bobby is 16 . Johnny is in charge because he is older , taller than Bobby , and Daddy for that matter , and has a job . He doesn 't go to school anymore , because he quit . I don 't know why he quit , he never told me , and I never asked . He just stopped going one day and that was that . People do this kind of thing all the time in my family , they stop doing something or start doing something and never explain anything and no one asks and it seems no one even cares . Why would you ask anyway ? I 'm so sad that Momma left me here and is off doing something with Daddy . I yell at Bobby and antagonize him , until he can 't stand it any longer and he hits me or chases me or holds me down and tickles me until I pee my pants , then he laughs at me and I 'm humiliated , which actually makes me feel better than crying about missing Momma . That 's how we work through things around here . We don 't ever talk about a thing and wouldn 't know what you meant if you asked how we were feeling . I 'd respond with " I 'm alive aren 't I ? That 's good enough for me . " But on the inside , I tell you , there 's something dark in me that would love to just jump in the pond and go under the water and never ever come back out . Just stay at the bottom all cried out and dead . I much prefer living with Johnny and Bobby than having Daddy leering and lurking around every corner being weird and making me watch PBS . I sure do miss Momma though , but I never tell anyone that I do . It 's fun sometimes being with Bobby and Johnny . They let me stay up late , they give me money to leave them alone , and I go to the store and buy candy . They take me with them to places with this loud music playing - I feel like a wild animal , doing whatever comes into my head ! Sometimes , though , I wish I were not here but somewhere else , where it 's just me and Momma . These little kittens I have out in the field with me are like me . Well , not really . Their Momma kitty comes back and brings them food and they get milk from her sometimes , but they are kind of growing up on their own , just like me . Nobody tells me nothing about nothing about growing up , except wash your face , don 't chew with your mouth open and don 't wear that goddamn baseball hat every day . I try to act normal whenever I get in front of anyone I haven 't met before or when I 'm at school and everyone else seems to know what they are supposed to be doing , but I 'm just lost , walking around looking for someone to tell me what to do . But there isn 't anyone to tell me . These kittens are my only real friends . I know a few kids from school and from around town , but I don 't trust anyone outside my family . I can 't be honest with them . I might end up in a foster house or an orphanage or something worse , and I think the evil and good you know are better than the ones you don 't . It 's a sunny morning in the summer , the middle of June , before Bobby 's birthday , which is on the 25th . He is about to turn 17 . In my mind , he 's a slob and an ugly - faced pig , but in reality , he 's a sweet - looking boy with a swath of blond hair that 's unruly but handsome all the same . His eyes are twinkling blue , just like mine and just like Momma says Daddy 's are , but I 've seen Daddy and his eyes look old and gray , not twinkling at all . Bobby 's tall and trim and wears a pair of tight swim shorts when he works in the yard . Secretly I love him so much I 'd like to hug him , but I 'll never , ever mention that to anyone , not ever . I 'm out in the sun twirling around in the dirt and I see Bobby and my sister Jenny 's husband , Fred . Fred used to smoke a lot of pot and sell it right out of the kitchen in their trailer . Since they have two kids now , he stopped doing that . Fred seems old to me , 25 , with his long black ponytail and scraggly beard . They 're kind of whispering , but whispering in the way that boys do , not whispering at all . Fred says , " Man , there 's about 20 cats around here , I 've got no idea how in the hell so many cats popped up so fast , but we 've got to take care of them . The best way to do it is either put them in a bag and throw them in the pond , or put them in a bag and bury them in a hole . " I stop still from my twirling around and around and stare at the dirt . I 'm stiff like a board and I want to scream at them " Don 't kill my friends ! " but I don 't . It wouldn 't change a thing and they might decide to put me in the hole or in the pond as well , and while I would like to die lots of days , I can 't really make myself go through with that whole idea . Bobby slams the screen door to the back shed of our house . When Momma was here she would have yelled , " Don 't slam the goddamn door . " But she 's not here so no one cares . I don 't like the slam of the door , but it doesn 't bother me enough to start something with Bobby . He comes back out of the house with a shovel . He strips off his shirt and throws it over one of the three laundry lines we have hanging from the house to the old falling - down barn that has an outhouse connected to it . It 's not a working outhouse - someone filled the holes with dirt . Bobby 's back is brown from sun and I notice muscle on him that I 've never seen before . This summer he 's working on the hay farm for the first time ever . I don 't think he likes it too much but it 's the only work he can get . His mouth is closed tight and straight across - he 's on a mission . I stand out of the way with my back against the scraped - up house . We scraped the house last year and painted it , but didn 't have enough paint for the back of the house or the back shed , so they are rough to the touch and smell deep of rain and wood . It 's a smell that I would take with me in a bottle if I knew how . He marches off to the back right corner of the yard . He 's wearing his swimming shorts , his white tube socks and his blue Trax shoes from Kmart . I hate Kmart . I 'd rather go to the mall , but we can 't afford anything at the mall so we shop at Kmart once a year for clothes . He jabs the shovel at the ground and jumps up and lands on the top of the shovel with both feet pushing it deep into the ground . He does this over and over and over . I know what he 's doing , but I don 't want to admit it . So I watch and watch and then I get hungry as if nothing is going on at all and go over to where he is . " You want a bologna sandwich ? " I ask . " Get out of here , Amy , " he says , short and quick . Normally I 'd protest and yell something or say something back , but this time I slink off and go and make myself a fried bologna sandwich . I like to cook , and I can 't breathe , can 't breathe , can 't breathe . I lie down on the ground and hold onto it with my hands . The world is spinning out of control . Who puts cats in a bag and buries them ? Why couldn 't I ask what was going on ? Do I have time to dig them up ? There 's got to be some other solution , I know there has to be . I can 't do anything though , I 'm 11 and I 'm just a baby on the inside still . I can 't do anything , the tears drip right out of my head , I can 't blink them back . I hold the grass as if it 's holding me back , keeping me from spinning right off the earth and into another universe , maybe one where cats don 't get put in bags and get thrown into a hole . I know I 'm feeling something but I don 't know what . When I 'm sure Bobby is not around , I go and lie next to that pile of smoothed - over dirt and pretend I hear those famous kittens and in my mind they are singing my name and saying , " Go , Amy - go far away and be alive . " And I know that one day I will . I 'm not going to die here . I 'm not going to die . I will never give up . I will say it over and over and over , I 'm not going to do this . I 'm not going to stay here and be like this . I 'm going to get out . I 'm going to get out . Posted on March 11 , 2013 by amywitkop 9 Wonder dog 's ashes are in the kitchen on the counter in a red and yellow flowered tin . No one asked - plastic bag ? box ? plain silver tin ? I thought this was getting easier and yet - today it 's so much harder . I held back tears at least 10 times . I mean that 's what you are supposed to do - right ? when you can hold them back you do ? when you can 't you don 't ? They all came out later , but in the moment I didn 't want to cry anymore . We picked up Wonder 's ashes at Dignified Pets Cremation and drove to the Oregon Coast with the windows down and Wonder in her tin . Zelda our other dog laid in the back of the car as if nothing was different . The day Wonder died little Z went over to Wonder 's bed and laid down in it , but other than that nothing seems different for her . I asked Wonder for a sign - I know that sounds silly - seeing as I don 't believe in an afterlife . I do believe energy is energy and it has to go somewhere . So , I asked and at the Coast nothing remarkable happened . No sign - okay . We got home , fed Isabel the cat and Zelda and went for a drink and some dinner . We ended up at Cascade Barrel House . We don 't go there that often , but it was a spring - ish / summery kind of day and the only beer I like are sours and it seemed fitting for warm weather . Julie , my partner of partners , my forever dream date , has been amazing through all of this , looks at the menu and says they have a Wonder Red on the special list . I hadn 't told her about asking for the sign and I hadn 't looked at the menu yet . Wonder Red ? A sign ? I don 't know - I 'll take it . I 've never seen a beer called Wonder or another dog called Wonder . So maybe somehow the two mean something . Wonder . Wonder ? It takes me back to when my brother was dying . He was having a hard time coming to terms with it . He was 30 and I was 25 . I didn 't understand it either . He had moved to Portland to be closer to family . I didn 't know that meant he was going to die soon . Looking back , it should have been obvious . He had once been tall and handsome . But now his 6 ' 2 ″ muscly , strong body , had withered to less than 100lbs . He pulled me aside one day , his soft pin - striped button down brushing against my skin , his cane clicking every other step as we walked . It was just after my birthday , where he had given me a diamond earring . Now I see he was trying to tell me something . But at the time , I only wondered why he 'd given it to me . He 'd never given me anything before , except a hard time , like any good big brother . He stopped , his eyes dropped to mine , bending over a little . His blue eyes dancing , " I want to take you to breakfast this week , okay ? Just us , okay ? " " Yeah sure Bob , yeah . " He liked to be called Robert these days , but I could never come to terms with that change . He was Bobby to me . No matter what my Father said years ago about a real man not being called Bobby . He was a real man - an ex - Navy officer . We went to breakfast at his favorite place and he ordered his bacon - soft , not crispy . I thought - who orders bacon in a particular way ? It 's just bacon . That 's how he was though , unlike me he knew what he liked and how he wanted it . I took note that I might want to figure that out one day . I was young . Going to Hawaii was so far removed from my life that the thought of saying yes made me dreamy and so I did . " Yes , I 'll go with you . " Bob ended up in the hospital ten days later . He kept saying he wanted to go home and see his dog Molly . He wanted to be home with her . While people left to get " home " ready for him , I sat on the side of his hospital bed " Do you need more morphine ? " " You know Bob , if there is something after this , could you send me a sign ? I 've wondered if there is something else after this life and I know you understand that . So send me a sign okay ? " I went about life as quickly as I could , working , being busy , getting away from grief . Bob came to me in dreams those first couple of weeks , continuing to talk about his big trip . I thought that was sign enough , but I was young and kept asking him for more signs . I went camping not long after that . I loathe camping , but for some reason I was going camping . One night as a million stars shined down , I looked through the fire and there was Bob standing by a tree and he said - " I 'm still going on that trip . Do you want to go with me ? " I don 't know if it was real or I was delirious from grief , but it scared me , so much so that I yelled " You 're scaring me now ! I can 't do this - you have to go ! " I have not seen my brother again . Was he trying to tell me that there was something after this life or that your energy doesn 't die ? My brother and I agreed before he died that it was the latter . You don 't disappear you live on in some way even if only in the collective thoughts of everyone else . That 's how life goes . We learn from our previous experience , or if we choose not to learn , we might experience it in the same way . For me - when I ask for a sign , I 'll take the first one . Thank you Wonder Red for appearing on a menu . For my birthday , I 'm putting up this writing session which makes me sad , but at the same time , it makes me happy . I look back at the little me at five and think , you 're amazing . GO ! I also look back and think , THAT HAIR ! And a pink shirt ! ? I am pretty certain that my Mom must have cut my hair for this photo and for some reason it looks orange . My sister always argued with me about this photo and one other saying it was her , but I know this was me . So there . Regardless , it could have been any of us . " Momma , I can sing real good if you want me to . " I said . She looked down and said " No girl , singing 's not going to get you anywhere . Learning is what you need . " " But Momma , I 'm big when I sing . " I stand up tall . She shakes her head back and forth , short curls swaying close to her head . " No girl , singing 's not for you . " Looking down at me she lifts a hand , the back of it brown from sun , she slaps her leg and laughs a little . Her mouth is empty , only a few teeth left , those are black and brown and broken on the edges , she has one gold one in the back . We aren 't that bad off if she hasn 't had to sell that tooth yet . " Is a few more than a couple ? " I ask . " A couple means two right Momma ? " " Yes a few is more than two . " she says " Like five ? " " Yes , three , four or five is a few . " " No more than five , right Momma , that would mean many and you said a few . Do you promise Momma ? Do you promise it will only be a few ? " " How long , how long , how long , don 't leave , don 't leave . " the rhythm of the words choking back tears . Please just tell me " 5 minutes , 10 , an hour . " " Three , four , five , she 'll be back in three , four or five . " I sing , " 3 , 4 or 5 . 3 , 4 or 5 is a few , means more than a couple , that means 2 . " I watch the clock . I always watch the clock when she is gone . " Sit still , very still or you might cry . Watch the clock . Watch the clock . " At three minutes I am hopeful . I can move a little now because I know she 'll be back soon . Four feels good , hopeful . Five is very long but by six she 'll be home , she said so . Five comes and goes and I am not sure what to do . My head says she is not coming back . Five , five , five , she 's not home . I rock back and forth , running my hand along the seam of my pants . They are my favorite pants , purple pants . What if she doesn 't come back ? I punch my leg hard . Maybe I won 't think about her never coming back if I do something else . I hit the place where the bruise is deep , black and lumpy . The bruise is from Peggy and a game she plays with me to see how much I can stand before I cry . Peggy hits me over and over . I don 't even feel it anymore . It 's just about being strong enough to not cry . Last week when Momma was in the kitchen making noodles , I was on the couch , watching the black and white TV . Peggy sat beside me and hit the soft fleshy part of my thigh . I winced , but no crying . Pausing , in between the balling up of her fist , she pinched . I looked straight ahead , no crying . My face hot , not saying a word . It could have been worse she could have been kicking me or hitting me with the brush or broom handle , or threatening to stab me with a knife , which is much more scary than this . She turned away happy , smiling , her wavy brown hair flying behind her bee - bop walk into the other room . I got myself back together and just as she was about to leave the room , I laughed and I couldn 't even stop myself from doing it . I laughed and laughed , which brought her back and the hitting and asking started again . Today , when I hit myself , it doesn 't hurt much . The tears are already welling up because Momma is never coming back . The punching makes me wince , but I 'm not afraid of that hurt . Only afraid she is not coming back . It 's 8 now . I want to go looking for her . She said not to , but I have to . I can 't wait any longer . Ten minutes is too long for me , I will check with Granny to see if she knows where Momma is . She 's not really my Granny , but that is what everyone calls her . She is smaller than Momma and bent at the shoulders , her blue and pink flowery housedress is always pressed and clean , small glasses shade her eyes , her thick panty hose sag at the ankle . I don 't know her real name . She lives next door and I like that she only has a basin and a toilet , no bathtub or sink in the bathroom . I would like it if I did not have to take a bath . There is a sink in the kitchen , but none in the bathroom . If Momma is not there Granny will give me a cookie , she always does , the kind with jam in the middle from the store , not the kind we have at home . I peek out the front door though the plexiglass window . It used to be glass - glass but has been broken too many times from angry slams . Every time it broke Momma started crying , someone cleaned it up and put cardboard in the window . Whoever broke it was always long gone and the rest of the day we 'd all try to be quiet to not make Momma cry anymore . After checking the front door , to make sure no one is lying in wait , I open the door , the handle jiggles because it is loose . The smells of summer , grass , lilac , rough wood siding , slip through me . I run down the stairs and across the cement that was replaced earlier in the summer , but has already shown wear because one of my brothers didn 't know how to mix cement . There 's always something half way finished around here . Running fast across the two driveways , ours and Granny 's , touching the big maple tree that stands in - between them . Hand hitting bark , rough , it 's not smooth like a birch . The gravel is hard on my bare feet , but I am a fast runner and I don 't care . I hear them after me already , my brother Bobby and his friends , Phil , Joel and Pat , like a wild pack of heathens . Momma calls them that . I am not sure what a heathen is , I imagine it as some sort of monster , gray like a rat with yellow teeth and the legs of a lamb , where you aren 't quite sure what you are going to get the good side or the bad . " Yeah , get her , we 're going to pound you AmyBeth . " They say my name as if it is one word all strung together . Stomach lurching , eyes darting back and forth searching for an exit , I run faster . At Granny 's door , I know I should knock and wait for her to come but if I knock they 'll be here before I get in . And today they might wring my neck good . I reach and grab the doorknob , lungs pumping , hands slippery wet with sweat , open the door shove myself through and quickly but gently close it behind me . I slide my back down against it , breathing out fear . I walk through the kitchen , the dining room , and into the sitting room . Passing the cookie jar , which seems to smile at me as I walk past . Standing up tall and proud , a fake smile across my face , maybe they 'll think I 'm pretty . I pretend to leave , opening and closing the door and then shuffle into Granny 's bathroom , lifting the lid of the white wicker hamper , I hike one leg up and pull using my back to push forward , I slip down into the hamper and close the lid . The rubber rim around the lid does not make a sound when it closes . I sink down into the dirty clothes . It is musty here , but it feels safe . The smell is like the hair from Granny 's trash that we burn on the burn pile . She wears her hair in a bun , when she lets it down it 's down to her waist . When she brushes it hair gets trapped in the brush , she pulls it out in little bundles and throws it into the trash that we collect , because we are always helpful to Granny . I like to watch the long gray hairs burn , bright red at the ends , winding around through paper . The smell of it is nice and bad all at the same time and I like it . In the hamper , I get nervous that if I don 't go home Momma will hit me with the paddle for coming to look for her , I wait for a while longer , which is probably only a minute or two and scramble out of the hamper , head first , hands out , the whole thing tilting behind me . I make the few steps from the hamper to the door silently . I stand on tip - toes looking out the glass - glass in Granny 's window . No one is around . Bobby , Phil , Joel and Pat are in the backfield . I grab the handle and turn it as quiet as I can . Sliding out the door , this time not running at all . They may not hear me if I walk soft . I pass through gravel , tree , dirt , broken cement , uneven stairs that creak which reminds me . Momma says they 'll need to be fixed by winter and where the hell is she going to get that money ? To be safe , I move the couch out just a little using my hip and leg to push with force . I grab a wadded up blanket from the chair and slide behind and under the couch . The heathens can 't find me here . Momma will know to look for me if she comes home though . She knows all my hiding places . Lying there , I stare at the wall . She might be gone forever . Sleep , sleep , sleep . Sing your song . Sometimes singing makes me sleepy . Go on sing . I know that singing makes me feel better especially if I get all the words right . Where is thumbkin , where is thumbkin ? I sing quietly , the words rock me back and forth . I use one finger from each hand to talk to the other . It takes a long time to fall asleep during the day , especially if when Momma is gone forever and I don 't know where I 'll get any food . But , if I am behind the couch with a blanket it seems like a cocoon and that is good . I know I can 't get up and look at the clock because she is still not home and it makes the lie seem bigger the longer she stays away . I pick at the plaster and at the peeling off wallpaper . No one can see it here , it 's ok if I peel it off . I won 't get yelled at . The paper is brown on the edges . It used to be tan , now its ugly and torn like someone peed on it . I am sure someone probably did or spilled some slop on it . The carpet behind the couch smells like dirt and old things . It 's red and yellow with a wavy curly design in it . It has been worn thin , even here behind the couch . Yellow fibers show through where there should be red . Sometimes the dusty smell makes me sneeze . I know how to sneeze real quiet so no one will hear me or find me back here . As long as I am hiding , no one can see me , they can 't bother me .

I sat at my desk and looked over the push - pin board that was filled with info on Sonny Sugerland . Pictures of him and the guys that worked for him flowed down one side like a pyramid and we had an officer tailing each and every one of them . I had started to work like a mad man on this case since the paint blow up a few months ago . Between Alanna giving birth to Anna and the deal almost closed on the house I was buying for myself and Calla , I barely had time for much else . Tonight would be the first time I would get in the ring since before Christmas and I was itching to hit something , not to mention that I needed the money with the construction of the house going on . I was thinking about the fights so much that I hadn 't noticed some of the places where Sonny was being photographed . I leaned in to look at the photos closer and studied the background , each place looked just that little bit familiar . Frantically , I started to go through the papers of addresses where he was located , no wonder the other officers had to follow him and couldn 't find a set pattern to the places he was going to . Sonny was going to the same fights me and Dice went to . How could we have not seen him or noticed him there ? The place was packed but there was no way he could stay hidden from us this long . Someone with Sonny 's profile would draw a crowd , people would gather around him , he 'd have some kind of protection . I filled Dice in on what I knew and he went to the fights ready to catch sight of Sonny . I was in the change room getting myself ready for the fight . The tape on my left had to be tight , it was still giving me problems since the bullet went through it . The last time the doctor had looked at it he said I would have feeling back into it again soon but still nothing . I could move it and grab things but it was numb . I needed to have it wrapped tight to prevent it from being hurt too badly , I wouldn 't even know if it was until I took the wrappings off . " I 'll go find him , you just worry about the fight . I got a lot of money riding on you . " Dice always had a lot of money riding on me . He would bet twice as much as I would but I guessed he had more faith in me than I did . " Your hand is still bugging you , isn 't it ? You should tell the doctor about that . " Dice was comparing how tight the wrappings were on my hands . " It 's fine . " I lied . It was far from fine but I 'd be damned if I would admit it . " Lee is coming home . He called me the other day . " That was a good way to change the subject . " I don 't know , three years ? Maybe it 's only been two . " I relaxed back against the wall and finished the smoke Dice gave me , hopeful that Lee would come back and stay this time . " He 's in for a rude awakening when he shows up . I 'm going to get back to work . Look at the plus side to this , for once we can 't get in shit for being here . " As Dice left to go look for Sonny he laughed . As I entered the ring and sized up my opponent I gave a quick look around the ring before I snapped my mind back to the fight . needed to pay attention since the man across from me had a few inches and several pounds over me . I had to leave this search up to Dice and let him find Sonny . The fight started and we quickly set to a rhythm of hooks and jabs back and forth at each other . He had power behind his punch and one of his hooks sent my head snapping around to one side . It was then when I caught sight of Sonny , he was sitting not too far from the ring , watching me closely . The distraction was enough to let my opponent get another strong hit in to the side of my head and sent me to the floor . I was looking only at Sonny , I wanted out of the ring and I wanted to start pounding on his head . My ears were ringing and I received a kick to my gut , the wind was knocked out of me quickly and when I brought my eyes up to Sonny , he had a pleased smirk on his face . He was enjoying this , watching me get my ass handed to me . Another kick , far too close to my balls was enough to get me back to my feet and throwing accurate jabs and hook punches at my opponent . I had hoped that Dice had seen where I was looking , he needed to keep his eyes on Sonny since I couldn 't . I finally had caught sight of Dice on the other side of the ring and he was looking around the large room , he hadn 't seen Sonny . " Damn it ! " With a heaved breath I hit my opponent in the stomach to make him bend over and as he did I sent a hard right hook down on his temple . He dropped to the mat hard and didn 't move , he wouldn 't either . Not for a little while at least , he was knocked out cold . Now was my chance to go , I didn 't need to be announced the winner , I needed Sonny . I jumped over the side of the ring and started to take off after Sonny and the two men at his side . This time I was praying that Dice saw me , I had no gun or cuffs on me , Dice had everything and I could only go so far on my own unarmed . " Behind you ! " Dice shouted as I kept running . If Sonny got outside and in his car we would never catch him now . I hit a dead - end with two ways to go . Right or left , I wasn 't sure . There was no sign of Sonny down either way and Dice had caught up with me . " We 're going left . " Dice handed me my gun and we started down the hallway . There were offices along each wall , after we opened some of the doors we found most of them to be rooms filled with crap or empty and falling apart with holes right though the ceilings . I moved , with my back along the wall and Dice facing me , working with hand signals since we didn 't want to make noises and alert Sonny . We finally hit the last door in the hall and if this wasn 't his then we had to go all the way back down this one to go the other way or give up and hope for better luck next time . Dice gave me the nod and we pushed open the door , guns drawn and we scanned the room . It had to have been Sonny 's office , it was the only one that looked new and didn 't smell like a homeless man was living there and using it as a bathroom . " I think we missed him . " I put my gun in the back of my pants and started to look around the room a little more as Dice did the same . There wasn 't a whole lot , nothing we could really use as hard evidence on Sonny but it was a start . As Dice stepped around the desk somewhere off in the corner of the room among a bunch of books started to ring like an alarm clock . I knew one thing that could mean and so did Dice . The two of us made a mad dash to the door and ran as far down the hallway we could before the room exploded . Fire and debris following us down the hallway , the skin on my bare back burned for a few moments and then me and Dice were thrown down the hallway from the blast , falling over each other in a heap to the floor . " Fuck sakes ! I think my back is burned . " I got to my hands and knees and tapped Dice on the arm . " Common , we ain 't suppose to be here , remember ? " " Let 's go . I got some burn salve at the house , I 'll get Alanna to patch you up . " Dice helped me up then we got out of the warehouse as quick as we could and back to his place to get me fixed up so Calla wouldn 't worry herself sick about me almost being blown up . " You could have died ! What if you didn 't get out of there on time Dan ? " Calla paced her living room floor in front of me as I took deep drags off my smoke and avoided sitting back on the couch with my burned back . " Dan , listen to me . You let yourself fight tonight , then beat up , you went after a mob leader and almost got yourself blown up . Do you understand what I 'm saying ? What would I have done if something horrible happened ? What would Alanna have done if something happened to Dice ? She has that new baby . " Calla got down to her knees in front of me and ran her hands up my thighs . Her eyes pleading me for some kind of assurance that I was going to be safe . " I can 't change what the job is . This is what I do , I 've been doing it for years . " I kisses Calla 's forehead as I leaned over her to butt out my cigarette . " Just try not to get yourself killed . " It was hard not to roll my eyes at Calla . I didn 't have a death wish . I didn 't leave the house every day thinking about ways to kill myself or how to get in trouble . All I could do was nod and shrug it off for another day . Calla went to get me a bottle of whiskey , her way of keeping me home and not down at Mike 's all night drinking . I sat back on the couch and quickly set myself forwards again when the burn screamed at me in a fiery pain . I was ready for another cigarette when there was a loud boom that came from outside , similar to the one I heard earlier at the warehouse . My instincts kicked in and I ran from the apartment , first checking my own apartment . Nothing . I ran downstairs , secondly think that something had happened at Mike 's , it wouldn 't have been the first that the place had caught on fire or maybe it was a gas leak . I was met though that the bottom of the stairs by flames , my car was on fire , pieces of it scattered all over the road and sidewalk just outside my apartment . My car , a car I had bought when I was 17 . My first car , the car I put money and time into . Sure it was old and it had a few tricks to get it started but it was my car and it was totaled . " Fucking Sonny ! " This had now just gotten personal . Not only was I now going to have to deal with calming Calla down again , I was going to have to buy a new car . 13 years of my life was just blown up , the car I got laid in numerous times . Damn ! I was never going to find a back seat that had that kind of space in it again . I heard the sirens off in the distance , fire and ambulance had obviously been called . I 'd call work , let them know I was here and they can send a tow for my charred remains for evidence . As I lit a smoke I heard the door open behind me and there stood Calla with her arms crossed over her breasts , tapping her foot as the look on her face read a clear " I told you so . " Leave a comment It had been a few weeks since the murders and the funerals had just ended . I had driven Ma home with Gramps , he was going to be heading back to Arizona soon . The murders had put a tole on him and he was looking aged . Before the funerals started Gramps had pulled me off to the side to have a little talk away from everyone . " I need to know . " Gramps sat down in a fancy chair set by the door and leaned forward with the support from his cane . " Dan said you killed the man who did this . " " I 'm Dan , I killed the man . He 's dead Gramps . " Gramps grunted and stood up with the aid of his cane and some of my help . " I 'll find the guy that set this up . You know I will . " " I don 't doubt that for a minute Danny . You 're too obsessive . " Gramps hadn 't called me Danny since my Dad 's funeral . Before he had left that visit 20 years ago he started calling me Dan . " Don 't let these cases run you . Look at your brothers , Dice has a hot little number on his arm and look at Lee over there . A wife and baby . " Gramps was pointing his finger at one of the officers from the station , not Lee . " The who the hell is that ? " Gramps waved his hand in front of my face and shook his head . " It 's fine , that 's not my point . Are you still living in that shit hold apartment ? " " Your tab is close to a thousand at that bar each month , ain 't it ? " Gramps was yelling at me by now . Well , what anyone could call yelling with his wheeze . " Get to your point old Man . " His cane came across my arm hard and I flinched . I wouldn 't dare rub it . I just stood taller and looked ahead . " Don 't get smart with me . I want you change how you are before it 's too late . You drink away the fear and fight off the stress . You think I don 't know ? Look at your Ma and tell me she doesn 't worry about you . You 're going to end up working yourself to the grave if you don 't watch it . I 've lost both my boys now to this damn job and I 'll be damned if I have to come to more funerals . " Gramps wheezed out a few coughs and sat back down . " It 's my turn next . I 'm old , I 've seen my share of deaths and no man deserves to bury all his children before he passes . Don 't do to your Ma what I 've had to go through . " Now back in my apartment , alone , I rubbed my arm where Gramps had hit me with the cane . For an old man he was still strong . I changed and sat down with a bottle of whiskey . Despite what Gramps had said , I needed a drink . I sat down at what me and Dice considered a kitchen table , even though we only used it for cleaning our guns or for looking over cases . Right now I had everything that was in Uncle Artie 's office from home and work on this table . He had names on every sheet of paper , post - it notes with names and addresses . I was trying to get everything down into a chart to see where it all flowed together and things were finally getting down to just a few names . I had been sleeping few hour each night , it was more like passing out over a pile of papers and waking up after the same nightmare of watching my cousins and aunt murdered on that damn tape . I was expecting a call from an informant soon and I made sure to have some paper and a pen handy for when they did , I wasn 't gonna get a chance like this again . This informant was a find and didn 't work cheap . There was a bang out in the hall then another and before I could go tell Mike , who I assumed it was , that he was making too much noise my phone rang . I didn 't need this right now . I was so close to getting this guy and Mike was in moving shit up and down the stairs from the bar . I flung open my door ready to throw Mike himself down the long flight of steps . " What the fuck are you - " It wasn 't Mike there at all . It was a small girl . Maybe early twenties , long dark hair and big brown eyes . She was carrying boxes into the apartment next to mine . One that had been empty for years . " Dan . " I took her hand and shook it gently . Her hand was tiny inside mine . " If you need any help , just shout . I 'll hear , the walls are thin enough . " I had avoided Calla for sometime so I could focus on work and finding this Sonny Sugerland guy . I had guys out looking everywhere and I was sleeping more in my car each night outside of house that I had a lead on . Myself and Dice had shut down a few drug houses and let a few of the guys that we were interrogating go . The more word we could get out that we were looking for this Sonny the better . We wanted him to come after us so we had more to go after him with . I personally just wanted to be face to face with man who set a hit on my Uncle and his whole family . After a day spent in my car and the night spent in a boxing ring , I came home not just tired but blood as hell . I wanted the fight I was in to last , I was pissed off and frustrated and wanted to hit that out on someone . I was climbing the steps slowly , half from being beat up and half from drinking far too much when I heard a gasp and feet come rushing down the stairs to me . " I 'm fine . I just need some ice and shower . " I sat on her couch where she showed me to and watched her hurry around to get ice and a first aid kit . " You 're not fine and … just let me do this . " Calla sat in front of me and started to clean up the cuts , bandage areas on my face and chest and got me to hold ice on other parts . I didn 't bother talking to her cause every time I did she shushed me and kept working . She was quick and careful and I barely noticed when she used alcohol on the cuts . " There . That 's better . " She sat back on her stool in front of me and admired her work . " Are you going to tell me how this happened ? " " I need the money . " She didn 't argue back so I handed her back the ice and stood up . " Thanks woman , I gotta go though now . " " Wait ! " She jumped up just as quickly and grabbed my arm . " You don 't have to go . Are you hungry ? I have some leftovers I can heat you up . " I couldn 't tell if Calla wanted me there because I was just hurt or she wanted something else but I looked down at her fingers wrapped over my forearm and I went with what I knew best . I was quick and smooth and had her pinned against the wall before she could object , my lips found hers and I started to kiss her . I was rough , needy , I concurred her mouth like it belonged to me , my tongue caressing against hers . Her body relaxed and she brought her hands up my chest slowly , she moaned softly and I pressed into her more , arching her body to mine until she gave a small push with her hands . " Stop . Please . " She was breathless and her lips red but I respected a woman saying stop so stood back up straight . " I don 't just , I can 't do this . " " I 'll be here at 6 . Just dinner a few drinks . " I walked out of her apartment and over to mine , not knowing that it would be the first date of many . Christmas had come around and things were going good between myself and Calla . I was staying at her place more and we had even spent the holiday together , my best gift to her was the bulldog puppy I got her and we named Bear . My case was going strong against Sonny Sugerland and myself and Dice were getting closer to him . We almost had enough on him to take him and his whole operation down . " Who do you think it 's from ? It 's addressed to both of us . " Calla pulled the card off and handed it to me to read . As she started to opening the wrappings the box slowly started to expand like a balloon . " Fuck sakes ! Get down ! " I rushed over to Calla to tackle her and get her as far away from the box possible and it exploded . Bright red paint splattered all over the room . Covering the walls and furniture . Myself , Calla and Bear were covered head to toe in paint . I could honestly say when I saw the box expand I was glad it was only paint . " Who ? Why ? Dan , why would someone … " Calla was wiping paint from her face as he picked up Bear who was wiggling around to try to get the paint off him . " What the fuck Dan ! Alanna is covered in head to toe paint . She got some card from Sonny . Some present . She 's spent the whole day cleaning . She can 't be doing that , she 's pregnant ! Fuck ! " Dice was screaming on the other end of the phone . Alanna was due to have a baby girl soon and Dice sure was stepping into the protective role of fatherhood . " You got the same note as me ? He might be planning a bomb for us . He took out Uncle Artie , he might be planning to get us next . " Dice was talking quieter so I was guessing that Alanna must have been close by . " He might be . Hell , he … Shit ! Ma ! I 'll call . " I hung up the phone with Dice and quickly called Ma . If that asshole even sent a card to my Ma I was gonna hunt him down and kill him slowly . " Ma ? Ma ! You get box ? A package left at your door ? Like a gift ? Don 't fucking open it ! Leave it as is and I 'll come by and pick it up . " " Oh Daniel , what are you going on about ? I had a lovely package at the door and there were flowers inside of it . Who is Sonny dear ? " Ma was sounding very cheerful about the gift . " Flowers ? Ma , save the package and card and everything . I need it for evidence . " Calla came back from taking Bear to my place and started to clean up . It had been a few months since the raid , Dice was back to work and spending most of his nights over at Alanna 's place . His side was fine unless he was looking for a little extra TLC from Alanna , then he suddenly had some cramps . I just had my second cast taken off , the first one having been removed by me when curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to see if it had healed . Alanna made me go back to the hospital and get a new one on when she saw it . She had good reason too , I had no feeling from the wrist down and I couldn 't move my middle and ring finger . The cast was off , I could move my fingers but I still had no feeling . Due to that , Dice having doctors orders for light labor and the fact that we disobeyed the Captain , we were still doing paperwork and stuck going to physiotherapy an hour each day . The fact that we had killed Raymond left us starting from scratch to find out who was the head of the drug scene now . We had brought in a snitch a few days ago and when Dice and myself questioned him we got the name Sonny Sugerland . Since myself and Dice couldn 't go out there we had other officers out gathering what they could about this Sonny guy . The most news they had was he went by The Spike and he never stuck to a schedule . It was something to go on though . Today was no different from any other , I was already at my desk eating the last sugar doughnut from the box and drinking a coffee as I talked with the other guys around me , we made jokes and the guys from the night shift told stories about the hookers and druggies they brought in last night before leaving to get home . Dice still wasn 't in yet but he normally walked in 5 minutes after he was supposed to be there . I shot my hand up to wave to Uncle Artie as he walked in and went straight to his office , no one was late until he walked back out and gave the jobs for the day . If you were late , you got street patrol and no one wanted street patrol . I checked the time and guessed that Dice had 10 minutes before he would be in shit for being late but a man caught my eye . It wasn 't unusual for a civilian to walk though our floor , people came here to check on missing persons or stolen goods but this one seemed different . He didn 't look like he was lost or trying to find someone , he was making his way over to Uncle Artie 's office . Most of the men that went into his office were older men and this one I pegged to be close to 27 and that was being nice , his face looked younger than that . He wasn 't overly big but looked like he belonged on the streets , I was starting to think he was one of Uncle Artie 's snitches . He walked right onto Uncle Artie 's office without knocking , strike against him . No one , not even me or Dice did that . Hell , Aunt Sofia knocked before going inside . Joey started telling me something he thought was exciting and kept nudging my arm , I was keeping my eyes on the fogged glass that filled Uncle Artie 's office door . I didn 't hear Uncle Artie yell at anyone so I was starting to assume that whoever that man was he was friends with him . I was just starting to relax when I saw a quick flash of light and two second later the man left the office and walked right back out of the station . He never even stopped to talk to anyone . I was out of my seat before I even thought about what I was doing going to Uncle Artie 's office , I wanted to know who the hell that man was . I knocked and opened the door to the office and stuck my head in first , the sight of the wall behind Uncle Artie made me want to puke . Chunks of brain and skull splatter the wall behind him , this head was tilted back over the chair , his mouth was hanging wide open and there was a clean bullet hole from a close range shot though the middle of his forehead . That man had just walked right in here and shot my Uncle . Before I could go through regular protocol I started to run out of our floor to the stairwell , the man had headed out this way instead of the elevators . I knew time had passed but I doubt enough had that the man had gotten out of the building and away yet . I started jumping over the stair rails to get down them faster , 4 steps then jump , four steps then jump . " White man , dark hair , black coat . Did he come though here ? " I ran though the main floor towards the doors yelling at the receptionist . She nodded her head and pointed out the doors . " FREEZE ASSHOLE ! " I had my gun up and aimed at the guys back as I started to follow him . " I SAID FREEZE ! " The man turned and looked at me , confirming I had the right guy . People reacted after the second time I shouted , they ducked and ran to the sides when they saw my gun out and gave me a good clear shot to the man . I had to fight with myself to not pull the trigger , just for spite but I wanted to know why . A car pulled up in front of the man and I knew he was about to get in and I couldn 't let that happen . Not taking the chance . I fired two shots , a quick POP POP . The car sped off in the other direction as soon as the man 's body hit the sidewalk . I raised my gun to fire a shot at the cars tires but there was no clear shot that didn 't danger the people walking around downtown Detroit . I holstered my gun and ran to the man on the ground , hoping he was still alive enough for me to ask him questions . I grabbed his side and rolled him over , felt for a pulse and came up with nothing . He was dead . Other officers came over and I could hear an ambulance siren in the distance from the hospital a few blocks away and I stood up , looked around and lit a smoke . " Hey shit for brains . We got a perp break free ? " Dice walked over with coffee in his hand and checked out the scene . He had obviously just arrived and had no idea what was going on . " Uncle Artie 's dead . This guy killed him . " Saying it actually made it seem more real . Before it had been such a rush I hadn 't had time to think it though . " Yeah , here . Walked in , shot and left . I chased him down and killed him . " I was furious . Who was this guy ? Why did he kill my Uncle , my family . My uncle never did anything wrong . " And where the fuck were you ? Why the hell weren 't you here ? Why do I gotta deal with the shit all the fucking time while you go get coffee ? " I slapped the cup out of Dice 's hand and it splattered all over the wall of the station . " Dan , you got a call . Some girl in hysterics is asking for you and she won 't talk to anyone else . " Joey had interrupted Dice and was out of breath from the run down here . " Of course I got a fucking call . " I jabbed my finger into Dice chest . " You deal with this shit . I have more shit to handle . " I stormed past Dice and Joey and made my way into the station . I wasn 't even going to get any time to mourn my Uncle and I was getting calls . I had to talk to Aunt Sofia and tell her what happened . Tell her how I had let her and her children down . " I came to get Lizzie for school and they 're all dead ! Oh God it 's … Help me ! There 's blood everywhere ! " There was a pause on the line and I heard the girl dry heave . " Who 's dead ? " I couldn 't process though my mind that there had been more murders . It just didn 't make any sense . " What 's your name girl ? " Dice and myself drove in silence to Uncle Artie and Aunt Sofia 's house . They lived in a ritzy part of town where lawyers and doctor 's homes could be found . We pulled up to the house and a girl , I assumed to be Amy came running down to meet us . She gave us a double look as noticed we were twins and pointed back to the house . " The door was open and I didn 't want to miss first bell so I went inside to get Lizzie . That 's when - " Amy sighed and held herself together a little better . " That 's when I found her mom and well , the rest of them . I was so scared I called the station to talk to her dad and they said he was busy so I asked for you . Matt always talked about Dan so I asked for you . " She pointed to Dice . " Or you . I don 't know who 's who . " " You don 't think it was a hit , do you ? " Dice checked the living room . A room Aunt Sophia was so proud of and spent hours making perfect for parties . " Maybe . I 'm gonna go to the office . Check his security tapes . You clear the house . " I scanned Uncle Artie 's home office and holstered my gun . A few years back , after Matt kept seeing some guy wandering suspiciously up and down the street for a few nights , Uncle Artie had set up a security system that would make a bank jealous . There were two screens on the book shelf and a control panel on the desk , I rewound the recordings 3 hours back . I figured that would be a good time . I hit the volume button so I would get some sound and watched on the outside camera as the same man who came to the station knocked on the door , his hand behind his back . Aunt Sofia answered the door and he pointed the gun at her . " Where is he ? ! " Aunt Sofia stepped back then ran for the kitchen . The man fired a shot and all you could see was her feet sticking out the kitchen door way . The man had a gun on his silencer and I scanned over the little screens to Matt getting dressed . He would have been on his way to the academy . He was following the rest of us , would have graduated in two more months and joined us at the station . No wonder he hadn 't run to his mom 's side , he hadn 't heard the shot . His door kicked open and there was two flashes of shots from the end of the gun before Matt fell back to the floor , his tie only half done and the gun man moved on . I saw in the screens that Liz was packing her school bag , her back to the door , it was like watching a bad movie . I wanted to yell for her to turn around but seconds later I saw two more flashes and Liz fell forwards on her bed . She never even heard him come into her room . The last was Kennedy , my favorite of all my cousins . Me and her used to go places , she would make me go shopping for clothes when mine had too many holes and try to set me up with her friends . She was putting something away in her room and she caught sight of the man , letting out a loud scream as she tried to run but realized she had nowhere to go . There were two more flashes of light and she crumbled to the floor . " I know . I saw it . Same guy that came to the station . " I stopped the recording on the man leaving and taking off in the same car that had sped off earlier . I lit another smoke when I had stepped outside , Aunt Sofia didn 't like smoking in the house and hated it even more when had cigars in the office . The Calvary was on its way , I could see the flashing lights in the distance and hear the sirens . I started to wonder what it was that we did that seemed to kill off our family so young . The oldest Greggs member was my Gramps and he was living out his retirement in Arizona . He had a heart attack a few weeks after Dad was killed and I could only imagine what would happen when he found out about his last son and his family . I knew I 'd be the one to make the call , first Ma so she could make arrangements than Lee and last Gramps . I didn 't want to call him without some answers . If anyone deserved some answers it was the man who was out living his sons and half his grandchildren . For 3 months Dice and myself had been working on a drug case , sitting outside what we believed to be the main headquarters for the whole operation . We had just about everything we needed for a take down , right now we had a younger guy new to the force , Joey , inside . It was planned that he would go in , buy a kilo of cocaine and get out . It was the last bit of evidence we would need before we could go in and take the whole place down . The building was a 3 story house , run down with no yard . Dirt surrounded the run down house that should be condemned and there was a constant stream of cars coming and going from the house . We had pictures of everyone that came and went though the front door , most of them young kids barely out of high school . Some were big time dealers , buying enough cocaine and pot to last them for a month of sales . We knew who was inside , who lived there and who just worked there . We had a drug tree that showed who was at the top and who funneled down from there . Our main objective was to get the leader , a man named Raymond and find out who he worked for . If we managed to pull that off we 'd be taking down more than we planned . " This is it . Finally a little action around here . " Dice was already checking his gun . We weren 't supposed to charge in , we had to meet up with the rest of the SWAT team before we went in . They were parked a few blocks away from us . Joey would go there and we 'd have a quick briefing before going in . " Hold your roll . We need gear first . One thing we don 't know is the fire power they go in there . " We assumed , since more did , these guys were packing some heat . They would have weapons no doubt , just to keep junkies and gangs from taking their shit . We drove to the SWAT van after giving Joey some time to get away and got out of the unmarked car . Uncle Artie was already giving the guys that were in gear a run down of how things we going to happen . We had a floor plan laid out over one wall of the van and he was pointing out who would go where and when . Dice and myself listened as we geared up in vests and helmets . As always , checking each others gear and guns . It was something we always did to make sure neither of us missed anything . " I told your Ma I wouldn 't send you in unless you needed to go . She got wind of this operation and called me . I told her I would . " " Fuck that ! Our case ! We 're going in . " Dice hated this , we knew Ma worried but this was our case and we both silently loved the glory that came with a huge take down like this one . " If Davis ' wife had called in would you keep him back too ? Maybe I should give her call and tell her what her husband is walking into and let her have the choice . " I saw Davis pop his head up from deep in the van when he heard his name . " Come on ! You know this isn 't fair Uncle Artie ! " Dice was losing his temper quickly and I wondered if we would have a shoot out right here . " That 's Captain out here ! I call the shots ! You two better listen to them ! " Our Uncle had us by the vests and was right in our faces . " I told your Ma I would keep an eye on you two and I won 't let her go though losing her sons ! She 's lost enough ! " He let us go with such force we both staggered back a step . " Fine . " Dice placed his hand on my chest when I took a step forwards . He knew I was ready to hit the man and it would get us nowhere . I stood , seething mad as Uncle Artie walked back over to the guys and Dice pulled out the block ski masks that half the SWAT team had on . He had a plan , I could tell . I unclipped my helmet and pulled the mask on so only our eyes showed , no one would notice us in all the commotion of a raid . We got in the back of the truck and grabbed one of the shot guns that was issued to each officer and we took a seat , keeping quite . " Alright men , let 's have this go off without a hitch ! Team A you take the back ! I want you out there as soon as we stop . Team B , you funnel out and take the front ! I want all exits covered ! " Uncle Artie yelled out the final instructions as we all rocked back and forth in the van that was driving quickly to the house . " Know who 's around you ! I don 't want to have to do a head count when this is over ! " The van started to slow down and Uncle Artie had his hand on the door , ready to pull it up and let us out . My heart was thumping and my mouth was dry , I wanted out of this van bad , I wanted to find Raymond . " TEAM A GO ! " Uncle Artie flung open the back door of the van and Dice gave me a nudge to go with Team A . We filed out in the middle of the guys and ran to the front of the line as we could hear Uncle Artie sending in the next team . Dice was the one to kick in the back door and there nothing but chaos then . The B team was coming in the front and we were coming in the back , perfect timing . The fire power the perps had been more than we expected , tables and couches got knocked over to provide shields and shots started . Our guys got down and opened fire , round after round going though the air , windows breaking , stuffing from the sofa flying up in the air . I saw our target and he was making a crawl over to a door , if I was seeing it right it would take him out the side of the house and to where the cars were parked . I rolled to one side and got down in a sniper pose , sending a shot to his thigh . We wanted this guy alive so we could question him . He saw me right away as he howled in pain and fired two rounds in my direction . My next shot was more of a blind one since I was rolling back behind the couch . I knew it hit him somewhere when I heard him yell again and when I looked back around the couch he was slowly down . I thought he must be a heavy bleeder since he raised his gun up and it wavered in his hand , I wasn 't completely hidden but he was aiming 2 feet above me . I looked back to see Dice standing up . The gun fire had almost ceased and he was standing to d a scan . I looked back to Raymond and mentally lined up the shot in my head , he was aimed right at Dice and Dice was standing to his side and didn 't him . Everything ran in slow motion , it was something like a movie , my gun dropped from my hands and hung at my side as I got to my knees , the loud bang from Raymond 's gun , Dice starting to turn but it was too slow , I had to catch that bullet , I was wearing a vest and I could get it in the chest and be fine . Dice 's sides like all of ours weren 't covered , the padding didn 't wrap all the way around . I swear I could see the bullet coming , my eyes were set on Raymond when suddenly it was like someone hit fast forward . There was a flash of pain in my left hand and Dice spun and dropped at the same time I fell to the floor from mid jump . I pulled my gun back into my hands and stood up to fire a shot into Raymond 's head for shooting at my brother . " Dice ! " I turned around quickly and tossed my gun off the shoulder strap it was attached to and scrambled to Dice 's side . " DICE ! " I heard nothing but the echoing shots of the lasts gun fire . I grabbed onto the shoulders of Dice 's vest and dragged his still body out the back door . " Wake up asshole ! Wake up ! " I didn 't even notice the searing pain that was my left hand as I got Dice out of the house . I could hear the men inside shouting " CLEAR " . There was no more gun fire but I was outside , Dice was on the ground and he wasn 't moving . I dragged him further around to the front of the house , sweat was pouring down my face and I was feeling dizzy . " I NEED A MEDIC ! SOMEONE GET ME A MEDIC ! " I could hear someone rush over and I dropped to my knees with Dice 's lifeless upper body resting on my thighs . " We got a GSW here ! Two of them ! " There was more talk from the medics , one of them trying to talk me into letting go . I was still trying to figure out what they meant by two ? Dice was shot once , I saw it hit his ribs . I saw him drop . Dice was being set on a gurney and they were already wheeling him to the ambulance . Two medics were in front of me , getting off my helmet and mask . One was concerned with my hand , I had my eyes still set on Dice . " What hospital is he going to ? I gotta ride with him ! I NEED to go with him ! " I pushed though the medics and heard the shouts behind me . Someone tackled me from behind and I hit the ground hard , fighting my way up from the ground to get to that ambulance . My left hand seemed to be useless and I couldn 't even push up to get to my feet and something pinched in my neck . I didn 't know how many people were holding me down but it felt like there were hands all over me and everything started to go black , as much as I fought it , it closed in on me and I was left to my mind replaying the shooting over and over again in my head . When I woke up there a steady beeping sound somewhere rear by and my head was fuzzy . I went to sit up and found myself hooked up to an IV and my left arm was heavy . When I turned to look at what it was attached to I saw it suspended from a system of pulley 's and wires and in a thick cast up to my elbow . " Where 's Dice ? " My throat felt like sandpaper and my mouth was dry . Before I could even say anything there was a cup with a straw in front of me , held by slender hands . " I 'm not sure where your dice are but I 'm sure your Uncle has them . I 'll send him in , I couldn 't until you woke up . " The water moved away and I laid my head back down . How could this nurse not know where Dice was . He did come here with me , right ? I heard her footsteps walk away and I tried to wipe away the fuzziness in my head so I could think properly . I tried to think about what I did to my hand for it to be in a cast , I remembered the raid and Dice . All I could think about was that shot to Dice 's side . " This is why I told you two not to go in . Who 's bright idea was it ? You or Dice ? " Uncle Artie was storming into my room and standing at the foot of my bed , I wasn 't even listening to what he was saying . " Lay down Dan . He 's ok for now . The bullet missed his lung by half an inch but it did some damage . " Uncle Artie pushed me back to the bed and dared me to move with his stare . " Your Ma is going to tear a strip off me for this . She 's on her way now and she didn 't sound happy . Why the hell did you listen to me ? " " You know damn well we wouldn 't sit out . " I didn 't care that Ma was on her way or what she said about all this , I wanted to see for myself that Dice was alright . " Let me up so I can see him . " I sat up once he moved back and the nurse came back in . I kind of hoped that I was looking ok since she was pretty hot . " Now he 's more awake . " She moved around the bed so she could get my arm out of the suspension sling . " You and your brother really are identical . At least from a distance . " She smiled and looked me over and I didn 't know if she was complimenting me or not . I went to check out her tits and caught her name tag instead . Alanna . Different name , didn 't care . I was looking for some personal TLC later , especially if I was stuck here . " I wanna see Dice . You can let me go or call security and I 'll sneak down there . " I swung my legs off the bed and held my still dizzy head for a moment . I knew I 'd have more courage if I was in more than one of those opened back hospital gowns . " I 'm not sure where your Dice are but I made a deal with your doctor to let me wheel you down to see your brother . " Alanna brought a wheel chair over and helped me sit down in it . I even laughed a little when Uncle Artie explained that my brother 's name was Dice . " The bullet that almost killed your brother went through your hand . Clean through , broke two bones but we fixed those and had you all closed up . Your hand saved your brother 's life . If that bullet would have hit him dead on it would have gone into his lung . " I thought to myself that I could have done better if I have jumped sooner . " He 'll be fine . It 's just going to take him awhile to get better . " Alanna stopped my chair next to Dice and she walked around to check on everything . I could tell by the way she looked at him and checked everything so carefully she had picked which twin she liked more . " You dumb shit . Wake up . " I looked behind me to make sure Alanna was out of ear shot . " You and your stupid idea to go in there . This is your fault . When Ma gets here I 'm gonna tell her you made me do it and she can blame this on you . You better wake up now and get ready for it . You don 't wanna wake up to that stare she 's got . " I watched Dice 's face for sign that he would wake up and got nothing . " For fuck sakes Dice , wake up ! " I jumped when someone touched my shoulder and without having to look around I could tell it was Ma . She always was gentle with us , one would think that being raised by only our mother would have made us softer but it did the opposite . She always said I took too much on my shoulders when Dad died and she repaid each of us by always being there . Always listening and never over reacting . " I 'm sorry Ma . If I woulda jumped a little sooner I could have caught this . I should have killed the bastard with my first shot instead of crippled him . " I still couldn 't turn around to look at her . I knew each time either of us were hurt or in the hospital it killed her a little . " The doctor said he will be fine after a lot of rest honey . Don 't beat yourself up over it . That nice nurse told me your hand saved his life . I think you did just fine . " Ma walked around to the other side of the bed and I could tell she had been crying . " How is your hand ? A little sore ? " Ma took Dice 's hand and kissed his forehead as she ran her other hand over his short hair . " I 'm fine Ma . " She gave me that look that she always had when she knew one of us was lying . " It hurts like a bitch . " " Better . I 'll tell that nurse that you need to be hooked back up to the IV and given something for the pain . " Ma looked very devious as she stared me down . " Why didn 't you listen to Arthur ? I had told him I didn 't want you two going in there . Why didn 't you listen to him ? You would have listened to me if I was there . " " No we wouldn 't have . That was our case Ma . There was no way in hell I was gonna let some shit like Davis take all the credit . " I sat up , slower than I wanted to from the chair , my legs feeling like jello . " Daniel , sit back down and lose that tone . " I sat , knowing that the way Ma had lowered her voice I better do what she said . " You boys are going to do what you want , I can 't stop you and I don 't always ask you too but when I have a gut instinct I want you to listen . " Ma sighed heavily and turned her watery eyes to me . My gut sank , if there was anything I couldn 't stand it was a woman crying , especially my own Ma . " I never got to tell your father I had a bad feeling that day . I never second guess my gut anymore Daniel and neither should you . " " I have to take you back to room now . " I turned around to see Alanna keeping back so me and Ma could talk . " I 'll get you some shorts too . Just so that you 're covered if you decided to stand up again . Although some of the nurses and patients might be upset with me for it . " Alanna giggled and looked at a younger girl 3 beds down from Dice who was blushing deeply . I wasn 't thinking about my ass hanging out of the open - backed gown when I stood up so I winked at the girl to let her know I wasn 't embarrassed . " When you get him back there can you make sure he has something for his hand ? His pain is pretty bad . " Ma said to Alanna since she knew I wouldn 't say anything . The next time I woke up Dice was propped up in bed and talking with Alanna . She was sitting on the side of the bed and feeding him dinner , I could tell by the blush on her cheeks that Dice was smooth talking her . He could do it to any woman and he was famous among the girls at the casino for talking his way into anything . Especially panties . His color was back and he looked better without all the tubes attached to him . " Hey asshole . How long you been in here ? " I rubbed my eyes with my good hand and sat up slowly . I was really hating the after taste of the morphine . " I tried . You mumbled something about only liking the cock now . I thought I could get her to myself then . " I laughed and reached for my cup of water , eyeing over the cold , bland dinner beside it . " What time is it ? " " It 's … " Alanna checked her watch and gasped . " Oh my god ! It 's almost 11 : 30 ! I have to be back here in the morning . " She got up and started to rush off out the door but turned back and gave Dice a quick , shy , kiss on the cheek before taking off again . " She 's pretty hot . Sexy fucking voice . " Dice turned his head towards me . He did look a ton better . If he was moving more I 'd say he was his old self . " Ma left about an hour ago . She told me to tell you to relax and she would bring by food in the morning . Oh , and she said I had to thank you . " He paused and ran his hand over his side . " I owe you one . Even the doctor said I 'd be dead if your hand wasn 't hit first . Guess we should have listened to Uncle Artie . " " Don 't worry bout it . Call it even , I should have jumped faster and took it in the chest . We would have both been fine then . " I picked up the slice of chicken off the tray and looked it over before eating . Any food was good right now , I was starved . " I said don 't worry about it ! Fuck sakes Dice ! " I knew if I had killed Raymond with my first shot this would have been all avoided . Neither of us would have a scratch . " You saved my life today Dan . I won 't forget that so you can go fuck yourself . " Dice had gotten the remote at some point and changed the channel . Jabbing his finger down on the buttons . " If I would have killed him on the first shot we would both be fine ! So … You go fuck yourself . " I pushed away the tray of food and it clattered to the floor , bringing a very large and very crabby nurse into the room . I ain 't too sure where to start bout my Chloe . I guess it would have started after another failed attempted relationship . But it never even started with her . It started with Jordyn . I had just left the house of a one night stand and was driving home when I decided to stop at a bar to get a drink . Jordyn was hot , no doubt about that . When she walked into the bar I think every guy looked at her but she stood next to me . I let her use my phone to call for a tow truck to get her broken down car and after proving I was a cop and not crazy she came back to my place to sleep since her car wouldn 't have been ready for a few days . Being the guy I was , which was a complete horn dog , I took advantage to Jordyn staying at my place . It was nice having a woman back in the house after the last one ( who I bought the house for ) had left me . Jordyn was fun , relaxing and amazing in bed . It was an short lived romance for after a week she left . She had her own new place in Detroit to move into and my idea of starting a relationship with Jordyn was null and void . After all , she was staying i my home and I was still bed jumping with other women . I hadn 't expected a call from Jordyn a month later and to be honest , any time a woman called a month later it was never good news . I did my best to try and keep calm while I thought back to any unprotected sex we might of had and I was pretty sure we had been careful but to my surprise , she wasn 't pregnant at all . She was just scared . I vaguely knew about her ex Travis but I knew he scared her and he seemed to be back to get her . I had gone over to her place to go see what all had happened and to help her with this if she needed protection . That was when I met Chloe . Jordyn had called her to come visit when the shit with Travis started and she was staying with her . I won 't lie , my first thought was try and get both these women in bed with me but after Jordyn and Chloe filled me in as to what Travis had done I was afraid to leave them alone . I told them to come and stay with me until I could get this Travis fellow in jail and they agreed . When Travis kidnapped Jordyn the day she decided to move her stuff into my house I thought the worst and realized just how much I cared for both Jordyn and Chloe . Travis had taken her to a room where he had been staying and I wasn 't sure if his plan was to take her away or kill her , he was crazy enough to do either . It was a relief to know he was put away in the state pen for the next 20 years but sadly , it had already effected Jordyn and she moved back home to New York to be close to her family . I didn 't know where I stood with Chloe then , with Jordyn gone it was just another failed attempt at my trying to settle down but Chloe stayed . We had already told each other how we felt and I couldn 't think of losing her as well as Jordyn . I was more than pleased when Chloe agreed to stay and that was the start of us . Chloe and myself basically started up where we left off , dates , sex , living together . Everything was great until I had a little run in with man called Mr . Willis . Mr . Willis was using me to win set boxing fights for him , he framed me into working for him and when I denied him the win or loss he wanted he began threatening my Chloe . As much as I tried to keep her out of knowing what was going on , she still knew me well enough to know something was up and she was right . After not playing into Mr . Willis ' plans he kidnapped her to make me fight how he wanted . If it wasn 't for Dice helping me he probably would have killed her then me . We were able to save Chloe and I killed that bastard Willis just for taking her . Things are calm now , me and Chloe are happy . So happy I did something I had never done before , I asked her to marry me . Well , not so much asked as I told her to marry me . There was no way I was going to let her go , she 's my woman now and forever . I was 10 when my dad died , well he didn 't die , he was murdered on the job . He was working a drug deal case with his brother Arthur when it happened . I remembered the day , me and my identical twin brother Dice ( At the time we called by his actual name , Damien then ) were in the middle of trying to talk our younger brother , Lee into letting us push him down a hill in his wagon . It was nothing unusual for Uncle Artie to come home with Dad . All three of us came running around the house when he heard the car pull into the driveway , Dad would wait next to the car while we tackled him but today it was just Uncle Artie . I knew something was wrong , Dice knew something was wrong , Lee jumped up into our Uncles arms but came back to us when Uncle Artie set him down and told him to stay outside while he talked to our Ma . Ma never cried . I 'm sure she did but she never did in front of us . She even managed to tell us Dad was dead without even getting watery eyed . She held Lee until he fell asleep that night , he was young enough to know what Dad being dead meant but not old enough to understand the why . Dice and myself talked out our own frustrations outside , Dice cried I yelled . I wanted to find out why , who . I wanted to find the person that killed my Dad and beat him myself . There was no time to be sad , Dad wouldn 't have wasted time to be sad , he would have gone after the guy . I walked the 6 blocks to where my Uncle lived with his family , my Aunt Sofie and their young kids , Matt , Kennedy and Liz . I needed answers and I knew my Ma , she wouldn 't give me details . I argued with my Aunt to let me speak to Uncle Artie , despite the fact that she said he had been drinking . I pushed her aside and walked though the house to the office I knew my Uncle would be in , I barged though that door too and slammed it behind me . " Go home Dan , when you 're older we 'll talk . " His words were a little slurred from the drink and he couldn 't even look me in the eye . I think that 's what really hurt . Uncle Artie stood up so quick his chair fell backwards and his drink spilled . " He was my brother ! " I didn 't even shrink back I like normally would from any adult that yelled to a kid . Instead I did the opposite , I charged at my uncle and started to hit him over and over . Punching out my frustrations with him , my pent - up anger . I hit him until we were wrestling on the floor and my arms burned from the constant swinging . " Why didn 't you help him ? Where were you ? Why him and not you ! " I hit my uncle hard in the face and I felt his nose break under my knuckles , stopping the punches when I saw the blood . Breathless and panting heavily I got off my uncles chest and he sat up , patting his nose with his sleeve . " If I could trade places I would . Dan , I didn 't even see the man . I heard the shot and by the time I got out to him the guy was gone and your Dad was dead . " Uncle Artie seemed calmer then . He was answering my questions and crying at the loss of his brother . The man who killed my Dad and ruined my life was on the loose . There was a seething anger in the pit of my stomach and I still had yet to shed a tear . I was too busy to cry or mourn . As far as my young mind was concerned , I had work to do . It was up to me to find the asshole that did this . 20 years past , the case was unsolved . Dice and myself had a one room apartment together , two rooms if you count the bathroom . It was run down , small and even a little dirty but it was home . We lived above our favorite bar and Lee even had an apartment across the street . He was rarely there though , he worked for the city of Detroit so his winter months were spent in Vegas where he could gamble a living . Dice and myself were Detectives now , good ones if I say so myself . We had worked our way up the ranks as did our Uncle , who we had to call Captain now at work , or at least around the other officers . Even though me and Dice were identical , it was easy to tell us apart . Even easier if we didn 't have clothes on . Dice ( and this is how he got his nick name Dice ) was very clean - cut . Metro - sexual is what they call it . I think . He usually kept his hair short all the way around , had nice suits , expensive jewelry and one tattoo that ran from his left thumb to his elbow . He was always calm and relaxed , snotty as some would call him . His gambling let him live a rich life and if you didn 't know him , you would assume by the way he looked and acted he was some kind of business man . He lived at the casinos once he turned 21 and he had a horse shoe up his ass . There was no point in betting against him , you 'd always lose . Myself , I had become addicted to getting tattoos young and my whole body from the waist up was covered with crudely drawn art here and there . I wore t - shirts and jeans and boots so old they would fall apart before I 'd get new ones . I shaved when I had to so I almost always had a beard or few day old stubble on my face and I hated going to get hair cut . What was the point , I always wore a hat . I had money like Dice but most of mine went to whiskey instead of fancy clothes or cars like Dice . It was no secret , I was an alcoholic and if it didn 't have whiskey in it , I didn 't drink it . When we were young me and Dice found a way to make better money than what the force was paying us . With my talent to box / fight and Dice 's talent for making bets with people with deep pockets , we got involved with underground fighting . I would fight and Dice would place the bet , we always set each fight up so I knew when to take the other down so our winnings would pay off double . I used fighting as a release , it was the only place I could let out all my aggression . I had a few battle scars from the whole ordeal , I had been broken and bloody some nights so bad that Dice had no choice but to take me to a hospital . Every new scar meant a new tattoo . The rest of mine and Dice 's free time was spent with women . Dice never had a problem fighting off the ladies , neither of us did . Dice was the good - looking charming twin and I was the " A typical bad boy " . We would have several women a week and would always work out a system to who went where with who . Dice would take them to our apartment so he didn 't waste any time , I never took them home . Bathrooms stalls , back seats , ally ways and their places worked for me . No commitment , no sleepover , no awkward mornings . I couldn 't involve myself with a relationship , I was an irrational drunk that got off on power and control . " A short fuse " is what Uncle Artie called me . For the past 10 years folders and reports from the night my Dad died laid on mine and Dice 's " dinner table " , we never ate there so it served as a perfect work station . We weren 't supposed to work on the case unless we had nothing going on . It seemed though that the case we were on was similar to the one my Dad and Uncle were on when he had died . The best part was that the coffee shop the cops of Detroit were regular to seemed to be the center of it all . The owner , Joey , was also in mine and Dice 's debt from a previous bet some years back and he was a bit of a snitch for us at times . You always could get news sitting around at a coffee shop . We were looking into who was selling large amount of pot to the kids in Detroit and the case got much more interesting when an undercover agent was shot and killed the same way my Dad had been . Looking at the evidence photos side by same just proved it had been the same killer . My Dad and the other man both had been behind the wheel of their cars , parked in an ally by Joey 's Doughnuts and both men shot in the side of the head . Entry at the temple , brains and bits of skull splattered all over the passenger seat . Myself and Dice knew the photos so well they were engraved in our heads . I knew every word on every report for the case on my Dad , finding the killer had been my goal of being a cop . Every bad guy I put away was just getting me closer to finding the one that I wanted . Joey however , was not working with us . He was using the news we had for him to benefit himself . It wasn 't until the night we went to confront him and put him away for trafficking part of the grow up that we found out what he was really guilty of . Me and Dice had Joey pinned to the ally wall near the shops back entrance and we were giving him his chance to come clean , tell us who he worked for and what they planned . Joey was a whole new person , he was cursing us and carrying on like we had done him wrong . When he pulled the gun on Dice I almost all but lost it . Chance is if I shot Joey , he would still get a shot off and he was closer to Dice than I was to him . By luck , one of the employees opened the ally door to toss out some trash , the door hit Joey and sent him to the hard pavement without even letting the employee know he hit someone with a door . Dice rushed over to Joey and kicked his gun away and pulled his own out . We both stood above Joey , our guns with the safety off and pointed down at his head . There was no way we were going to let him just go to jail unharmed after holding a gun on one of us . " I should have killed your dad years sooner . Then I wouldn 't have to worry about you two shit having been born ! " Joey tilted his head up and spit at my foot . I wasn 't sure I even heard what he said correctly . " You shot him ? You 're the asshole we 're after ? " I felt my body start shaking . My blood was pounding in my ears so loud I thought there was a marching band behind me . " Yes , I shot him ! Didn 't you hear me ? It was easy too . He thought I was bringing him a coffee . I shot your dad and I would have gotten your uncle too if he was there . " Joey smirked , like what he did was some big accomplishment . " I need to know why . I need to know why you thought it was ok to kill him ! You knew us as kids ! You were at the funeral ! I want to know why ! ! " I hadn 't realized I was screaming and Dice was pulling me back . With each word I was kicking in his ribs , Dice had heard them snapping . " He was an honest man . Too good to work for a shit like you . You ruined everything . " Me and Dice stood over Joey . We could tell he was dying already . His ribs had punctured his lungs and he was drowning in blood . We aimed our guns at his eyes and each fired one shot , killing the man who had made us who we were today but murdering our father .

Letters from a hibakusha - a survivor of the atomic boming of Hiroshima This page contains our correspondence with Reiko Kajitani , a remarkable woman we met in Shimonoseki . My replies have been edited to remove some of the more mundane details of our daily lives . It is Reiko 's story that we want to tell . y husband is photographed with Reiko in her favorite sushi restaurant in Shimonoseki . Reiko asked me to " tell my story and tell people - no more atomic bombs " . A grammatical note : In Japanese they do not use definite or indefinite articles nor plurals as we understand them . I have generally made no edits to Reiko 's English , which is excellent . Occasionally I have made an edit where the meaning may be a little unclear and have put my change in [ square brackets ] . Do you remember me ? I met you at the bakery in Shimonoseki . After we said SAYONARA , I felt that I forgot to say something very important . You said you would go to Nagasaki . I forgot to ask why . Did you visit Nagasaki to know or to see about Atomic Bomb ? I 'd like to tell you about my experiences of Atomic Bomb I had in HIROSHIMA . In 1945 I was 19 years old and I was a college student in Hiroshima . In those days students had to work at the munitions industry . We worked very hard to make weapons . On the 6th of August , 1945 , that abominable day at 8 : 15 in the morning we students were in the meeting room of the factory . We were chatting about things to tell our friends . We chatted on and on . Then someone cried " B29 " . We looked at the plane in the sky . It was in the blue sky with a beautiful vapor trail . It was drawing a big circle . Then I saw a small black ball coming out of the plane . Then the big flash . . . Some one screamed , " A [ FLARE ] " . There was no moment to say , " NO , IT ' S NOT . " A huge BANG came . There was an unfilled space in my memory . I don 't know how long it was . I felt I was drifting in the dark air , or walking slowly into the dark hole . It was a very strange time . Then I heard weak voices around me , and the voices became louder and louder . The voices brought me to my senses . I found myself falling down on the floor far from the place where I had been . The factory where I was working was 4 . 1 kilometers far from the center of the explosion . All the windows were broken . There were fragments of glass all around . Some students sitting near the window were injured . We students didn 't know what happened in Hiroshima , neither did our teachers . Only what we could imagine was that plane might drop the bomb . Going out of the meeting hall , I came to the bank of the river with my friends . There we saw a big cloud growing up from the ground . It became bigger and bigger and shaped a huge mushroom or . . . I must say " TOADSTOOL " . " What is that ? " I said to myself looking at the big mushroom . " Maybe the B29 bombed an armory in Hiroshima city . But which part of the city ? " No one knew what happened . I though THIS IS THE WAR . At the meeting , a teacher told us the city of Hiroshima was utterly destroyed . So the students should go home now . We were told to make a group to go home together . Our group was made up of about 25 pupils or more . ( I don 't remember the number exactly . ) Miss Kanzaki , PE teacher , was our leader . Well , Elinor , may I continue my story of A - bomb ? When we came out of the gate of the factory , we saw many many wounded people walking slowly . It was a terrible and horrible scene . They were burned black and their burned skin were hanging down from their bodies like rags . They were walking quietly toward their homes . Their hair was standing on end with anger . They lost the words to speak out . That was a silent procession . They looked absent - minded but their eyes told us the anger . I couldn 't stare [ at ] them long . My house was in Itsukaichi , the suburbs of Hiroshima . We had to pass through Hiroshima city to go home . Miss Kanzaki decided to take a hill side way and followed her . On the way we saw many people dying , but there was nothing to eat except a small piece of tomato . Miss Kanzaki had two tomatoes that day , so we divided one tomato into twelve pieces . It was the sweetest tomato I have ever eaten . I 'll never forget the taste . It was so late that we decided to stay with our friend living there . Her house was broken . It had no windows and doors . [ It was ] full of broken furniture in the house , but we could have a little room to lie down . From her house we could see Hijiyama burning . Hijiyama was very far from her house , but nothing obstructed the view . Hiroshima was utterly destroyed indeed . Lying on a tatami mat I thought of my family . Did my father survive ? How about my brother ? They were supposed to be in Hiroshima . I spent an uneasy night . I got up at five and soon we started going home . Itsukaichi , where I was living was a bed - town of Hiroshima . Many of the people living there went to Hiroshima to work or to study . It was quite a distance from Koi . We walked and walked again . In the town I saw many people waiting for their family , wishing for their safe return . When I came near my house , a lady recognized me and ran to my house crying " Reiko - san came back Reiko - san came back . " I followed her running . I burst into tears . Tears flowed down my cheeks without stop . My father was waiting for me at the gate . As soon as he saw me he ran toward me and hugged me tightly . Mother came out running . We three hugged tightly crying . No words came out . All of my family had returned safely . My father said that he [ was in the ] black rain at Koi station but he didn 't have any injuries . That was luck I thought for my [ family was ] all safe . Though my house was broken , I had a house to living in with my FAMILY , I told myself . I had no time to rest . There were many wounded people coming from Hiroshima asking for help . They escaped with nothing but the clothes on their back . We had to help them . There were many things for young people to do . We got together in the temple . First we had to prepare their food . We cooked rice and made rice balls . The injured were taken to the nearby school and town office . We had no big hospitals in our town then . We delivered food to them . But few people could eat it . Their [ burned ] skins began to rot and had a bad smell . Flies flew around them worms came out and in from their skins . That was the most terrible scene that I had ever seen . " HELL ! NO ! MORE THAN A HELL ! " I thought . They could not speak a word . Only I could hear the groans of the injured . What could we do for them ? I didn 't know what to do . We had no medicine and no doctor . When I came home two families from Hiroshima came to live with us . One of them , a lady , came to rely on my father . The lady was a daughter of an owner of a big restaurant my father knew well . She alone survived . She came with her friend . The other was a shoe maker . He took his wife and a daughter . His daughter , a five year old girl , was injured . She [ was burned ] all over her body . My mother took up her old UKATA , a KIMONO for summer made of gauze , and made bandages out of it . She disinfected them by boiling . She quickly did it , and gave her mother the bandages and a phial of ointment for burns . The little girl lived for three days moaning about her pains . That morning she was sleeping soundly . So her parents were away from her for some time . I was in the next room and heard her speaking to someone . " Look , a butterfly is hovering . Mom , here 's another one . Mom . Come . Hurry , beautiful flowers ! Pick some for me , " she said and died . I was surprised at the scene . My eyes were willed with tears , and I thought that was a beautiful and wonderful death . A great many injured died and we had to burn the bodies to ashes by ourselves . We had a very hard time . On the 15th of August the war ended , but the hard time continued . I had a large family , my parents and their seven children . My parents had to feed their children . The government rationed food during the war , but it was not enough for a large family . Mother planted many kinds of vegetables in the garden . She was very good at growing tomatoes , pumpkins and cucumbers , and we ate weed that we could eat . When I was sick in bed , Mother made some juice made of medical herb called DOKUDAMI . I drank a glass of the juice every day . Mother said to me that it would take the poison of the A - bomb away from my body , and I believe it . We 'll I 'll stop writing her . ' Though 56 years went by , there have been many tragedies since then . I 'll write it again , maybe next time . I am afraid if you [ will not ] understand my broken English . If you have a chance to tell children you story , please them " No more Hiroshima 's or Nagasaki 's . " With love , Of course , we remember you . Meeting you was one of the highlights of our visit . We speak of you very often . Everything that happened to us in Shimonoseki was quite magical . We are deeply honoured that you would tell us your story of your experiences in Hiroshima . All the time that we were on the streets and buses in Hiroshima and Nagasaki , we kept looking at people of a certain age , and wondering how many of them had been there in August of 1945 , and had been through those terrible times . We were so sorry we knew so little of the language . Even if we had been able to speak Japanese , one cannot really ask strangers on a bus such a hard question . At the museum they had videotapes of survivors telling their stories , and we watched a few of them . I don 't know why it didn 't occur to us that we might meet someone in Shimonoseki who could have told us of this terrible experience . I suppose if we had been able to stay a little longer , you might have told us , but now you have written it for us anyway , and we are greatly moved and inspired by your story . It was so beautifully written . Your English is not " broken " . Everything you must have been feeling came through to us . We have been reading your letter aloud to everyone who comes to visit our house , and I know I will be telling it to many , many people . I am planning to make a little internet web - site about our travels in Japan , and I would very much like to make your story a part of it , if that is alright with you . For me , your story has now become inseparably linked to the story of Mimi - Nashi - Hoitchi . Hoichi . who was telling the story of the Heiki people who had also perished in a terrible way , and not so very far away from Hiroshima , either . Of course , our main interest in visiting Hiroshima and Nagasaki was to visit the museums and memorials . In the museum , we saw pictures of a munitions factory , and now realize that it was probably the one where you were working . Nothing could bring the events to us more clearly than to read your own story . What was most surprising to us was to see how well the cities have been rebuilt , and are thriving today . If it were not for the museums , and the determination that the world must not forget ; if it were not for the survivors ' stories , it would be too easy , in a city as beautiful as Nagasaki , to be unaware of what happened . While I was reading all the letters from the mayors of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in the two museums , the idea came to me that I would like to join them in writing protests to heads of state , too , whenever there is another atomic test anywhere , and so I bought a lot of postcards of the Atomic Bomb dome to use for this purpose . I believe that every world leader should be required to visit these museums at least once . I think they should all be required to read the work of Dr . Takashi Nagai as well . I would like to know more about him . From Hiroshima , I also sent some postcards to the children in the schools I visited to tell them about the story of Sadoko Sasaki , which I think is quite well known to many children in Canada . I have known this story for many years , because our little theatre company in Corner Brook put on a play of the story a number of years ago . A group of us who volunteer with the theatre met one morning to make paper cranes to hang t in the theatre lobby during the play ; then when the play was over , we sent the cranes all to Hiroshima . There was a Japanese student visiting Corner Brook on an exchange then , and she showed us how to make them . The rest of our travels in Japan were wonderful , as well , but in retrospect , we find that our day in Shimonoseki was one of the most memorable . After two nights in Nagasaki , we returned to our friends in Kawanishi City , then went on to visit Fuji - san , Tokyo , Takayama , Kanazawa briefly , and then back to Kawanishi again . There was a delightful young woman working at the tourist information desk in the prefecture office at Nagasaki . It turned out she had lived in Canada for several years and thought it great fun to be able to help a couple of Canadian tourists . In Tokyo , the highlight was an evening at Kabuki - za . They have head - sets with English commentary and some translation , so were able to enjoy it at a much higher level . How I wish we had more Japanese , for I know we missed a lot , but we will keep working on it . We do hope to return again one day , if we can afford it , and if I can face the two days of airplanes to get there . It is really quite an exhausting process , as you know . It has taken me several weeks to get back into my own time - zone . We are sending you a few photos . Perhaps the next time you visit the Uohide ( ? ) sushi restaurant , you will bring our greetings to those charming gentlemen , and tell them how much we enjoyed their sushi . It was the best we had ever eaten anywhere , and we loved their restaurant with its beautiful wooden and marble counters and the wooden devil on the wall . Here is a funny coincidence . Our favourite sushi restaurant in Calgary is called Reiko 's . Once again we thank you for the wonderful sushi experience . There is a picture of us at the museum in Nagasaki in front of the exhibit of children 's art . We were amazed by the mosaic pictures made from paper cranes , and a beautiful quilt with fabric cranes . The fish market picture is at the Kanazawa fish market . It was a wonderful market , but not quite as amazing as the one in Shimonoseki . We had fun there , though . All the merchants kept wanting us to try what they had . I think they like to tease westerners to see if they can find something that will make us say " Ugh ! " . They couldn 't . We tried everything they offered us . We got up too late to go to the tuna auction at the Tokyo fish market . We will have to save that for our next visit . I will close this letter for now . I hope you will tell us more about what happened after August of 1945 . I wondered how your father got on after being in the black rain at Koi . And I wondered about the herb dokudami . How did your mother know about it ? It must have done some good , for 56 years went by and you look very well indeed . We look forward to hearing from you again . Don 't you think there was a strange , mysterious power among us ? I was pulled into your story of Mimi - nashi - Hoichi , and the name of Lafcadio Hearn bound us together . That was magical incident indeed . Thank you for the pictures you have sent me . I 'll take two of them to Uohide - Suchi - Shop . They will be glad to have the wonderful pictures . Dokudami has been known well as a Chinese herb in Japan . We can easily find and pick them in a field or a roadside . The smell of dokudami is not good , but it has been said that it is good for health and it neutralizes a poison . So , my mother had known it . At that time there were a lot of dokudami around us , but in two or three days they were all gone . How we have dokuadmi tea . I sometimes pick them and dry them to make tea . The next question you asked me is about my father . How my father got on after being in the black rain at Koi . At that time he was a Hiroshima branch manager of Morinaga & co . Ltd confectionary company . I suppose that there would be about 60 staff members in his office , and he was the only survivor . In the ruins of his office he could gather about ten persons ' ashes . So , I suppose others were on their way to the office . One of the staff named Anpuku died in the shelter . He was on his way to the office . When my parents went to see him , they could hardly recognize him . He had burns all over his body and he died the next day . Back to my father . He seemed to be quite all right . He had not time to rest and had a lot of things to do . After the war ended on August 15 , four staff members returned to Hiroshima as demobilized soldiers one after another . My father was very glad to see them again , and soon they began to work to rebuild their office . As they had no house to live in , my father rented an inn in Itsukaichi . We five families got together to live there . The house was big enough for five families . We helped each other and shared anything . Though that was a very poor life , it was the most wonderful time for me . [ No more ] war for us . PEACE ! We can sleep at night . We could [ have light } in the house openly . De you understand this feeling ? Anyway our new life started in the new house . Well , Elinor , I have an unbelievable story to tell you . The office in Hiroshima had a big sturdy safe . A young woman in the account section used to put away money and the important papers in the safe , and she put some glasses of water in the safe for fire prevention . Before leaving her office , she filled the glasses with water . When my father found the burned safe , he was very surprised to see almost all of [ the papers had remained safe ] . My father and the staff began to work to rebuild their office . They lived together and worked together in the same house . They said the important papers remaining after the fire were very helpful They worked very hard to rebuild their office . My father retired after working six years . He returned to his hometown , Shimonseki . Those days he was troubled with his [ scalp ] . He had some strange tumors on his head . There was no good medicine for him . When a doctor found cancer on his upper jaw , it was too late . He died of cancer on the upper jaw . He lived to the age of 82 . I don 't know about the causal relation between his sickness and the A - bomb exactly , but when we burned his body to ashes , half of his skull was left black . I thought the black rain had remained on him to the end . After returning to Shimonoseki I became a junior high school teacher . You know Shimonseki was also air - raided , and half of the city had been burned down with incendiary bombs . Around my grand - parents ' house , two houses remained , my grand - parents and the [ house ] next door . In my garden we have a very big tree called KUSU ( I don 't know the English ) . The tree protected our house from FIRE . When the fire came near to the house , the tree spouted out water . This is what my grand - father told me . He said that he sometimes wanted to cut it down because it became too big to keep in a small garden , but he loved it so much that he could not do it . The tree is older than I . It is standing grandly as if it knew everything . I love this tree . After working 31 years as a teacher , I felt so tired that I decided to quit my job . I was 57 years old then , and I found that I had breast cancer . I had an operation and rehabilitation . I am quite all right now . Many people of my age have died of cancer , so I can not say there was a causal relation . But I can say there are many more people who have had cancer in Hiroshima than in Shimonoseki . Now I live with my sister and my brother - in - law . My sister is 13 years younger that I . We have an old do and an old cat . They are nice . Please tell me about your family . Do you have a pet ? Next time I 'll write about my elder sister who became a nun . She died last November . Writing a letter in English is difficulty for me . It takes me a long time . I 'll stop writing here and say SAYONARA . Sumimasen ! I have taken so long to reply . Your letter must have arrived just after we left to go to Nova Scotia for my father 's 80th birthday and 2 family weddings . We were away for three weeks . It was my fourth trip to Nova Scotia this summer , as there had been three unexpected trips in June and July for funerals of two aunts and an uncle . When we got back home to Newfoundland in the middle of August , we had to rush with our house renovations to get them all done before we went back to work . We had a new ceiling and a new floor put in the kitchen , and I painted it all . Then , there was work to be done in the bathroom . It is all finished now and all the furniture , and pots and pans are put back into the right places . Life is finally returning to normal , and I can start to relax . So can our three cats . They get very upset when anyone moves their food bowls away from the normal place . One of them was hit by a car while we were still away , but he was kept at the veterinarian 's and by the time we got home , he seemed to have recovered totally . I was so worried until I actually got to see him . All our cats are " alley " cats who have found their way to us . We never have to go looking for them . They find us . We also have a fourth cat part - time . He lives next door , but spends half his time with us , even though our cats are mean to him . I wish I could read Japanese so you wouldn 't have to work so hard at writing to me . I know how that feels , as I have a friend in Italy who does not speak English . It takes me a long time to write to her in Italian , and I feel like I am writing " baby - talk " . Your English is so good . It must be because you are a poet . By a happy coincidence we had two young Japanese people staying with us for about six weeks in July and August . They were travelling around Newfoundland and were looking for a place to stay in Corner Brook so they could stay awhile and learn something about our life here , and we were looking for someone to stay in our house and look after our cats while we were away . It was a perfect arrangement , and we got to eat some wonderful Japanese food again . I read your letters to Misako and showed her all our photos . She says she really needs to get to know her own country better , and do some more travelling in Japan . She was so amazed by your story and hopes to meet you someday , so I gave her your address . Her name is Misako Maki and she lives in Yokohama . She has never met anyone who is a hibakusha . There are a number personal stories of hibakusha on the internet and I found one for a Setsuko Iwamoto who was 13 years old at the time and had been evacuated from Tokyo to her grandparents house in Itsukaichi where she was attending Shintoku ( ? ) School . Her grandmother , too , used dokudami leaves and salt on her infected burns and she drank a great deal of water , and she survived . Maybe these stories are published in Japan , too , but it is good to find the English translations on the Internet , so I can tell the children where to look when they are studying about the war . When you said how wonderful it was that PEACE ! finally came and you could sleep at night and have lights in the house openly , you asked if I could understand . I am sure that I can never really fully understand what a relief that must have been , but I know that whenever I hear the English singer Vera Lynn 's song " When the lights go on again all over the world " it makes me sad and happy at the same time . I know what an important thing it was for both my parents to know the war was over , even though they did not have the terrible task of rebuilding a ruined city . I know Vera Lynn really was singing that song for everyone all over the world . What a feeling it must have been ! There is nothing in my life that could be anything like that . [ Here I have omitted three long paragraphs about my parents and Ron 's and his two brothers , and their various heath problems , and the difficulties of travel to see distant family members from eastern Canada . ] I took a little break from this letter and the world seemed to go crazy . I have finally made myself turn off the terrible television and radio news and put on some peaceful music and try keep my mind off it for a while . Another Hell on Earth . It is so distressing that there never seems to be an end to evil . I used to live in New York and I love the city and the people very much . I just hope that the saner American people will prevail , and not let President Bush listen to the crazy people and do something stupid and dangerous for the world . I don 't trust him . I have checked that my friends who work in New York are safe , although they want us to stay off the telephones so that the lines can be kept free for the stranded air travelers , so I haven 't called my friend near Boston who flies from that airport almost weekly . Over ten thousand travelers have been diverted to our four airports in Newfoundland when the American airports were shut down . Most of them had to spend at least part of the night still aboard the planes , as they have so few customs and security people available here . The townspeople involved have done everything they could to fix up temporary shelters and find enough bedding and towels and food . They bussed some of them in to hotels in Corner Brook . There were quite a few foreigners at the shopping mall this morning when I went up there . One lady was travelling from Kenya back home to Washington . We seldom see such exotic travelers here , except when we get a couple of cruise ships in each summer . I will soon start to work in the schools and am trying to learn a few new stories and get myself organized , and do some much overdue housework , and throw out some things . I don 't know where all these things come from , but whenever I get rid of one garbage bag full I feel like it is a little victory . I am looking out the window at our 60 year old apple tree . It is diseased and I know that we will have to take it down and it makes me sad . We had a second one that toppled over in the wind two winters ago , so this one really needs to be taken down . I do hope that your kusu tree can be kept growing . I think I will stop now as I am reaching the end of the 3rd page . I type now because my wrists hurt when I try to write by hand - even more than when I type . I am sure it is the fault of computers . I used to love doing calligraphy , and I hope that now that I have partly retired , I might be able to do it again , if I do the exercises to help my elbows and wrists . Each year , I seem to have more exercises for more different parts of the body . It is hard to keep them all up . I look forward to hearing about your sister . I am sending a couple of clippings from the Halifax newspaper . We were in Halifax at the time of the 56th anniversary of the Hiroshima bombing . Letter # 3 from Reiko - received in November What a long silence ! These day I have been busy composing haiku and practicing calligraphy . We have cultural festival at the public hall in Kokura in October . I have to write my haiku on a shikishi ( a square piece of fancy paper ) with a writing brush and Chinese ink called fude and sumi . And I have another exhibition held in November in Fukuoka . So I have to send my calligraphy work to Fukuoka , too . In this way I have spent my days pleasantly . Well , Elinor , I feel very sad to know about your parents , especially your father . I know you are in the hard time now . It reminds me of the days when I was in the hard time . When I was 47 my mother weakened her heart . She was troubled with a bad cough all through the night . At that time I was working at junior high school and my sister , whom I live with now , was a senior high school teacher . So we did not have enough time to help her . My father had been with her and helped her all day long as your father does . My father was a gentle and tender - hearted man indeed . He died one year after this wife had died . I think he knew he had a cancer himself . But he didn 't tell us about it . He fell down soon after the funeral of his wife . That time I didn 't know what and how should I do for him . We couldn 't be with him all day . My home doctor said it was too late . There was no way for him to recover . But I wanted to know the best way for him to get rid of his pain . A name of maruyama vaccine flashed into my mind . Though it [ had ] not obtained the authorization yet , it had a good reputation as a painkilling drug for a cancer . And it was free from harmful effects . So I consulted my home doctor and my cousin who was doctor in Tokyo about it . I at last decided to give him the vaccine injection . I asked the doctor how to inject . As it was a subcutaneous injection , it was easy for me to learn . I think it was a very good decision . My father soon got rid of the pain , and he could have a sound sleep and do almost everything by himself . Though I hired a woman , 65 years old , to help him in the day time , she said he did not ask her anything to do for him . He had wanted to do everything by hemself . Well , Elinor , it seems another Hell comes to the world . Of course , we should fight against the terrorism , but I think President Bush has to keep a cool head and think over and over before going to war . The grudge bears another deeper rooted grudge I think . I don 't want our world to be ruined . The earth is the only place that we can live . Man has to be wise enough to stop going down to Hell . Well , I want to say again , " No more Hiroshimas ! " I have to tell you about A - bomb now . When we were in the most difficult time in August in 1945 , the newspaper said that any living thing could not grow for 70 years in Hiroshima , and that the women contaminated with radioactivity might be affected on their babies . The news gave me a great shock . I felt hopeless in my future . That time I suppose I was in some kind of trauma . What 's the purpose of my life ? Why should I live with no hope ? And I began to deny the existence of God . I became pessimistic about the future . So when we found green weeds growing on the ground in Hiroshima , how delight [ ed ] we were ! I felt we could see a dim light in the dark . As I told you my family began to live with other families . That made me cheerful . They encouraged me so much . In April , 1946 , I decided to go to college again . The school building was just a temporary shelter . No glass in the window but we had desks and chairs , and good professors . That was enough ! While I was going to school , the city of Hiroshima was under reconstruction . One day when I went to the black market , I heard someone calling my name . It was Tomoko Tateishi , my friend ! At first I could not recognize her . She had a lot of scars on her face and wore a scarf to cover her bald head . All of her hair had fallen out ! She told me how she [ was able ] escape from the fire . At that time , she was living with her father in the centre of the city . Her mother and younger sisters were evacuated into the country . Her father was working for the law court as a judge . When A - bomb was dropped she was in the dining room , and her father was at the front door . He was going to go out . They were crushed under the broken house by an enormous blast . Her father [ was able ] get out of the smashed house soon , but she could not . She was under a big pillar . She tried to raise it up again and again , but the pillar would not move . Then she heard her father calling her ; she answered him with the sound of knocking . Her father tried to get her , he couldn 't move the pillar , never even touched it . She heard him trying to move it again and again . Then she smelled something burning . The smoke came in . She asked her father to run away , and said , " Don 't worry , Father . I 'm not afraid . You can [ go ] away . You have to [ go ] back to Mother and to help them " But he didn 't leave there . He tried again and again to get her out . Then a lot of smoke came around and covered them . He said , at last , pouring some water toward her , " This is your last water , " and got away . But he came back soon and he tried to take her out . She heard the crackling of a fire somewhere around her . When she could get out , her house was burning . They were in the fire . He took her out and the ran into the river . " My father saved me , " she said with tears in her eyes , " If he did not come back to take me out , I [ would have been ] burned at the stake [ while ] being conscious at the time . Her story told me how the people were burned . They were burned at the stake [ while ] being conscious . I saw many half - burned people . They might have been able to get out of the smashed house , but how could they be out from the fire when whole city was the FIRE . And more the light of the A - bomb burned out the whole city . The light burned the people working outside . Only one bomb could burn the whole city and people living there . THAT IS WAR ! Though my friend Tomoko died five years ago , I 've never forgotten what she told me . I could not see her again , but sometimes we talked on the telephone . She had been sickly . I 've stopped writing this letter so long . The war [ has broken ] out . That makes me so sad . A lot of good people will be sacrificed in this war . I have no words to say . The terrorism destroyed the world peace . We have to live with uneasiness all the time . I am afraid of biological weapon and chemical weapon . Those are very easy for terrorists to use , I think . And we have no way to avoid it . Terrorism is an unforgivable violence . How do the children living now on the earth think about their future ? Can they have HOPE . I hope they could have peaceful life without terrorism . Changing the subject , many migratory birds came to Shimonoseki , and MY KUSU gave them a night 's lodging . That was very nice . They gave me a very enjoyable time . They were singing their happy song ! Well , I will stop here . It is eleven o ' clock now . Good night ! Almost 10 years have gone by since we met Reiko . We have exchanged letters and cards at holiday times and photos . I have written to tell her of the amazing gift of 1000 paper cranes folded by Akiko Takahashi , one of our Japanese house guests , for me to take to my dying cousin in Halifax . Akiko worked secretly through the nights for a week to have them ready when to give me as a surprize when I started for the airport . They are still hanging in the house where my cousin lived , surrounded a a new generation young people . Inspired by Akiko , I gathered a group of friends to fold 1000 cranes to take to a friend who was undergoing difficultchemotherapy in Toronto . They hang in her kitchen to this day . Although I knew Reiko lived far from the area affected by the 2011 disaster in Japan , and was probably safe , I knew that she would be deeply affected by what we all saw unfolding at the Fukushima nuclear plant and wrote her to tell her we were thinking of her and all our friends in Japan , and had sent a contribution to the Red Cross . I told her we had run into a group of Japanese students of the Halifax market folding paper Cranes to raise funds for disaster relief , where my father made a contribution , too . She wrote back very quickly . The very big tsunami swallowed up the towns , houses , cars , ships , trees and many many people living peacefully in the town , at one gulp . I watched thetsunami on TV . It was a sight fearful to look at . 66 years ago when I was 19 years old , I saw many people dying on the roadside in Hiroshima . The big mushroom cloud burned their bodies and the big city . I recall that day again , and the nuclear problem . I 've been saying " no atomic nuclear 's " on the earth . This time we have both Tsunami and Nuclear at the same time , and I can say it was caused by both natural calamity and man - made disaster . We have to think over and over again , when we make a new material , if it is tender to the earth or not . The earth is the only place for us to live . Now , in the damaged district , the young people rose up to reconstruct their town . I think it 's wonderful . We Japanese united ourselves to cope with the difficulties . And more , many countries in the world help us . I am very much obliged to them . Now , I 'm sure we can get through this crisis . Elinor , thank you again and take care of yourself .

When I got married and finished my Ph . D . in psychology , I wanted to start a family . My plan was to work part - time . I really thought it was the perfect plan . At least until I had a baby . I couldn 't fathom turning my baby over to someone else . I cried when I was on maternity leave and told my husband , " He doesn 't want me to go back to work . " My husband was scared of me from the pregnancy / childbirth ordeal , so he just said , " OK . " I felt sick when I left my 8 - week - old baby with a woman I barely knew . Everyone told me I would get over it . It was nice to get back to the job I enjoyed and to see my colleagues . But it wasn 't long before my perfect plan didn 't seem so perfect . On my work days , I had time to bathe and feed my baby after I picked him up , but then it was time for him to go to sleep . I felt like I didn 't even get to see him . I loved my off - days with him , but as I saw him change in new and exciting ways on those days , I wondered what I was missing on the days I worked . Things were okay until we were finally off the waiting list to get our son into a daycare within a nursing home . There were only three other babies and several toddlers in the daycare . I liked that it was small and that he would be around older people . I didn 't have to wait long for him to get sick , however . The daycare called and said my baby had a fever and I would have to come get him . I had to cancel appointments , pick up my son , and take him to the doctor . My pediatrician examined him , said he had an ear infection , and pronounced , " It 's because he 's in daycare . " I don 't remember what I thought when my pediatrician said that . I was a brand - new mom and a brand - new psychologist . I was making a lot of adjustments . I probably thought that this was just part of being a working mom that I would have to adjust to . My baby got better and I took him back to daycare . I got another phone call . He had a fever , so I cancelled my appointments and took him back to the doctor . The doctor diagnosed another ear infection and said , " It 's because he 's in daycare . " This became a script for my life and my poor baby 's life that we replayed every week or two . During one doctor 's visit , my pediatrician warned that if he got another ear infection , we would have to consider tubes . Once again , the doctor said , " It 's because he 's in daycare . " I went home that day and sat at the kitchen table with my head in my hands and cried . I needed a new plan . My husband and my boss agreed that I could cut back to working two evenings a week . When my husband was out of town those nights , his sister - in - law agreed to take care of the baby . From the day that I decided to stay home , my son never had another ear infection . I , however , continued to have some pain . I faced the disdain of people who thought I was wasting my education staying home and the pain of loneliness and a confused identity . I went through several months of depression . I eventually invited several mom acquaintances from church to join me for a Bible study . I made friends and peace with who I was . My baby and I were both feeling better . Today I marvel that God used a pediatrician who wasn 't politically correct to call me home . My first baby will be 15 on Monday . 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children , 5 to be self - controlled and pure , to be busy at home , to be kind , and to be subject to their husbands , so that no one will malign the word of God . ( Titus 2 : 4 - 5 ) From childhood , I suffered from night time fear , but not of the dark or monsters . Mine was a more sophisticated fear . I was terrified that someone would break into my home and hurt me or my family . My parents were sound sleepers and I was convinced that it was up to me to save us all . My sleepless nights where every noise seemed to be evidence of a horrific scene about to unfold became even worse when I lived alone . My first year of graduate school , I lived amidst a wife beater , an alcoholic who thought I ought to be counseling him , and a stalker who called me repeatedly and left me notes . Many nights I could barely breathe because the fear was so overpowering . I prayed for God 's protection many , many times . After I got married and practiced as a Christian counselor , I asked God for relief from the fear itself . Having a husband who is a black belt in jujitsu did not stop the fear , in part because he traveled a lot when we were first married . To cope , I had a security alarm put in and used a door brace under my bedroom door handle . Yep , I was completely phobic . I didn 't get a dog to deal with my fear , but the fact that I had a little yapper who responded to anyone in the vicinity of our home , added to my feeling of security . One weekend evening , I was battling a bad cold . We had been invited to a friend 's party two hours away and I was fine with my husband going without me . He said he would be staying overnight with them as he often did while traveling for work . After he left , I went through my security routine . I turned off the power for the garage door opener , locked all the doors , and baracaded my bedroom door after I was sure my dog was with me . In the middle of the night ( 2 or 3 a . m . ) , someone knocked on my front door . I had heard on the news once ( I am sure all my fear developed from the news ! ) that robbers will often knock on the door to see if you are home and if you don 't answer , they will break in . I wasn 't going to let them think no one was home ! My dog was barking furiously . I turned on the television and hoped whoever it was would move on . Unfortunately , the knocking became more insistent . I turned up the volume on the TV . My dog was wild . Then my greatest fear became a reality . I could hear the person trying to break in . I ran to the bathroom , locked the door , picked up the phone and dialed 911 . I could barely breathe as I explained to the nice man who answered what was going on . He reassured me an officer was on his way . He asked me where Mr . Wilson was . I told him while I picked up a can of hairspray to use as a weapon . That 's when I heard the most terrifying noise possible . Someone was IN my house . I relayed that information to the nice man and tried not to notice that he sounded frightened , too . He kept speaking to me in a calming voice . I could hear whoever it was rattling my baracaded bedroom door . I was living my nightmare ! That 's when I heard , " Melanie ! It 's me ! " I told the nice man that the would - be attacker was my husband . He laughed and I could tell that he was more relieved than I was . I honestly was NOT relieved , but furious at my husband for putting me through the ordeal . He explained that he hadn 't been able to get into the house since I shut off the garage door opener . After I cried with relief and laughed at the absurdity of it all , I found that my lifelong fear was gone . All those years , what I was really afraid of was that I wouldn 't be able to move if someone broke into my home . Now I know they better look out ! Have I not commanded you ? Be strong and courageous . Do not be afraid ; do not be discouraged , for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go . " ( Joshua 1 : 9 ) I assumed I would meet my husband - to - be in college and would be married in my early twenties . When that didn 't happen and I had no prospects in graduate school , I felt pretty hopeless . The relationships I did have couldn 't have been more dysfunctional . I wish I could say my initial relationship with my husband was different , but it wasn 't . I met my husband in a bar after he hit on my engaged friend . Romantic , huh ? He had had several beers so when he asked for my phone number , I told him I wouldn 't write it down . If he remembered it after I said it once , fine . I was very surprised to hear from him the next evening . We began dating sporadically when he happened to be in town . He did just about everything wrong . I won 't recount his dating sins for you , lest you despise him as I did . I broke up with him after several dates and was as surprised by his response as I was that he remembered my phone number ( he later admitted he ran to his vehicle and wrote my number down when I was in the bathroom ) . After my inital breakup , he told me he didn 't blame me . He apologized for his bad behavior and committed to changing . I was so impressed with his attitude that I gave him another try . ( I didn 't understand at the time that my husband was a true salesman ) . It wasn 't long , however , before I had had enough and broke up with him again . He gave me the same contrite response and added in some roses . I didn 't have anyone else in the wings , so I took him back once again . Everything was going okay until he left for three weeks . He called me while he was gone and rather than say he missed me , he joked about the matter that had resulted in the last breakup . I was so disgusted that I went out with a girlfriend and latched onto a guy whose only date - worthy characteristic was that he repeatedly said , " You 're hot . " I spent enough time with the 6 ' 6 " 300 pound guy to discover that he , too , could be quite irritating . But when my now husband returned from his trip , I broke the news to him that we were through . I was shocked by how emotionally he took the news . But I didn 't relent , even when he called later and tried to change my mind several times . In an effort to confirm to myself that I had made the right decision , I decided to take the new big boyfriend to my cousin 's wedding back home . He didn 't own any clothing besides sweats , so I " lent " him the money to buy something to wear to the wedding . My mother was mortified when she met him , but I couldn 't worry about that . At least I had a date for the wedding . He sat head and shoulders above everyone else . Everything was fine until the soloist ( a family friend ) was singing while the bride and groom struggled to light the unity candle . Everyone began giggling and best as I can surmise , the soloist thought they were laughing at him . He completely choked . That 's when the buffoon I was sitting next to said in his deep booming voice , " Wow , he 's a really terrible singer . " I was the one mortified now . I elbowed him and shushed him only to have him say even louder , " Well , he IS terrible . " As I sat there taking stock of my life , I suddenly had a vision of me marrying the guy I 'd dumped . I had this sense of peace that could only be from God , despite my embarrassment . I knew in my heart of hearts that I was supposed to be with my other bad boyfriend . That sense of peace didn 't keep me from chewing out the big fool for his lack of social skills as we left the church . Unfortunately , there was more to be mortified about . My date began shoveling the food into his mouth before the bride and groom arrived at the reception - - no plate or silverware . Everyone stood and gawked at him . One of my aunts giggled , " Is it serious ? " Before we left , my date met my cousin and commented on her cleavage . I guess she was supposed to be flattered ? When the reception was over , I wasted no time telling Mr . No Social Skills that it was over . While he snored away that night , I told my mom that I was going to marry my other boyfriend . She wasn 't reassured . Once back at grad school , I called my three - strikes - and - you 're - out boyfriend and asked if we could get together . He seemed as surprised to get my phone call as I was to get his very first call . When we got together , we established some ground rules for the relationship . Five months later we were engaged . Today as I write , I have been married to this man for almost 19 years . I like to say that ours was not a fairy tale romance , but you know , maybe it is . There was a suitor with much to learn , an ogre , a separation , a reunion , and a love that will surely last forever . Only God could have given this story a happy ending . My dad changed dramatically when he retired . He had worked his entire life and he was truly happy when his time was his own . He quit smoking after five decades and spent lots of time fishing and spoiling my youngest brother . It was heartbreaking , when it seemed my dad had a new lease on life , to learn that he had COPD . He eventually required full - time oxygen . I had a hard time watching my father , who had never been afraid of anything , have panic attacks when he couldn 't breathe . Traveling and any activities that required him to walk became nearly impossible . At one point , he developed pancreatitis and was given a 50 / 50 chance of making it . He survived , but I had been warned . My dad was mortal . Warning or no , I wasn 't prepared the evening I got my mother 's phone call telling me that my dad was near death once again . I cried and cried and kept saying , " I 'm not ready . I 'm just not ready . " I had recently developed a habit of asking God to communicate with me through His Word . I begged God to let my father live . I loved him so much and I wasn 't even sure of his salvation . I opened the Bible randomly and read from Isaiah 38 : 16 , 18 I was absolutely convinced that the Lord had heard my prayer and was giving my dad more time . I wasn 't disappointed . My dad recovered . He had to move to a nursing home to get the care that he needed , but he never complained . He seemed to enjoy teasing the nurses and staff . I used the extra time with my dad to write him a letter explaining the Gospel and expressing my hope that he had received Christ as his Savior . During a visit following my letter , my dad said , " Let 's talk about what you wrote . " He told me that he believed in God and had been baptized in infancy . I still had my doubts . My dad was a humble , generous man , but he had never said anything about God . Was it just because he was quiet ? Or did he lack an authentic faith ? My dad and I had a routine . I called him at the nursing home the same night every week . On occasions when I had something else planned , I almost always forgot to call him until the next day . Dad was never upset when I forgot to call , though I always felt awful . I knew he looked forward to our talks . I did , too ! One evening , I realized that I was supposed to be at church the next night , which was my regular night to call Dad . I decided to call him right then . I joked with him that I was really on top of things this time and hadn 't forgotten until it was too late . We did the usual chit chatting . I told him about our new mini - van with the remote control door . I said I was walking around like the Queen of Sheba , expecting every door to open for me at the touch of a button . He laughed . He told me that a pastor had come and talked with him for a long time . My dad said , " And you know what ? I agreed with everything he said . " I was so happy to hear that . I was sure that the pastor had shared the Gospel with my dad and my dad once again affirmed that he believed . The next evening I was getting ready to go to my church meeting when my mom called . My dad had had a heart attack , she said . They didn 't think he was going to make it . In that moment , I knew he wouldn 't . When I returned home from church , I got the phone call that confirmed it . My dad was gone . Although I felt ready in comparison to the previous time his life was in danger , I still felt like someone was trying to rip my heart from my chest . I am so thankful my husband was there to hold me up . Even in my grief , I recognized how loving a God I serve . I 'm fully convinced that He moved me to call my father a day early and made sure that I knew my father 's salvation was secure . The Lord continued to comfort me as I attended a memorial at the nursing home where he lived . The staff seemed more broken up than I was ! Today I continue to be comforted with a vision of my father living in perfect health and peace with the Father of us all . I traveled to Europe in 1989 as part of a month - long May Seminar through my college . I was so excited to go to the Soviet Union , especially . Although I was excited , I was also afraid of losing my passport . I had a history of losing things , but I couldn 't afford to lose my passport or the case I kept it in . Inside the case were my cash , credit card , visas , airplane tickets , as well as my passport . On the initial flight to London , I awoke with a start and realized I had lost something very valuable . The girl next to me could see that I was searching for something and started helping me . She enlisted the help of our other seatmates . Soon we were all searching diligently for the lost item . " What does it look like ? " my initial helper asked . I didn 't respond verbally , but gestured wildly as I tried to explain the inexplicable . We both started laughing when we realized that I had just been dreaming . Two weeks later I was living the nightmare . We were on an overnight train from what was then Leningrad traveling to Moscow . Our seminar leaders advised us to sleep with our passport cases . American passports were very valuable in the Soviet Union , we were told , and were often stolen from train cars while their owners slept . I slept with my case around my neck . Early in the morning we were awoken and told we had to prepare to get off the train immediately . Groggily , I gathered my belongings and got on the bus that would take us to our hotel . We drove for an hour , listening to our tour guide tell us about the area . When we boarded the boat motel where we would be staying , the hotel employees began collecting our passports . Foreign visitors always have hotel staff collect their passports for safe keeping . In that instant , I knew where my passport case was - - in the sleeping car of the train . I had given the sheets a once over , but didn 't see the case lying there . I searched my bags , but the sick feeling in my stomach told me I wouldn 't find the case . I was shaking when I told my seminar leader what had happened . He immediately tried to get information about the train 's location . We were told the train had been moved to a cleaning station . There was nothing to do , but check into the hotel and wait . I had my clothes and about $ 250 in cash . I had no visa , so I would not be permitted to leave the country . My seminar leader gave me the grim news that the group would have to go on without me . I knew I would have to contact my family and ask for emergency assistance . The assistant seminar leader pointed out that my passport had probably already been sold . He further warned that a phone call to the US would be outrageously expensive . I had to admit to myself that my parents did not have the money to help me even if I could reach them . That evening , the other students went off to explore Moscow . I stayed in my room , realizing that I could not afford to spend even a penny of the money I had . I took a shower and the water alternated betwwen freezing cold and scalding hot . I may have needed that shower to bring me out of the shock I was in . I cried and cried . I realized that all I could do was pray . I hoped that God was still God in the USSR . I remembered hearing once that you should pray until you feel peace . I began praying more fervently than I had ever prayed in my life . " Lord , " I said , " You can do anything ! You can cause the person who finds my passport to turn it in rather than sell it . Please , Lord , please return my passport case to me ! " As I continued to call on Him for help , I felt a peace come over me . I knew that my prayer had been answered . Even though I was in the worst spot of my life , I fell asleep peacefully . At midnight , my seminar leader awakened me to tell me that my passport had been recovered . I was not surprised . I went back to sleep . The next day , my seminar leader and I made a trip to pick up the passport . My leader was nervous as we were away from our guides . When we arrived at the station holding the passport case , a sterm looking military man watched as I verified that not one coin had been stolen . He shook his head in disbelief , the same way my mother always did when I lost something . When we were back with the entire group on board our tour bus , my answer to prayer was announced and the group began cheering in response . Pictured above is my high school speech team , with my coach at the top . I have been able to win at the two - truths - and - a - lie game by including a statement that I was runner - up in a Miss Teen USA pageant . Maybe I should be insulted that people think that 's a lie ? My junior high years took a serious toll on my self - esteem . Although I began my school years as an extrovert , I had become very fearful of rejection . My mother was reading the paper one weekend morning and found an ad for the area teen pageant , which extolled the virtues of participation , including more self - confidence . For whatever reason , I let her convince me to enter the pageant and I set about conquering my fear of asking businesses to sponsor me . The pageant was scheduled for a Sunday and we had a bit of a drive to get to the church where it was being held . That morning I was listening to the radio while I was doing my makeup and a sermon was on . The pastor said , " The Lord stands with the losers of the world . Just when you are about to became a winner , God changes the rules . " I thought that was a nice sentiment , but really didn 't want to be a loser . My mom , my aunt , and I got in the car and drove to the church . I am not sure if my mom took a wrong turn or if we were supposed to be driving on a gravel road , but I remember distinctly her mowing down a flock of chickens that were in her way . She didn 't seem the slightest bit remorseful either ! I was concerned that our bumper would be covered in blood and feathers . Once at the church , I was happy to discover that there were only two of us entered in the pageant from my county . I figured I was a shoe in ! But you already know that I took second place . As I went back to the prep room following the announcements , I was honestly feeling pretty humiliated . As I fought back tears , I remembered the sermon I 'd heard . That 's when my attitude completely changed . I really felt like God was standing with me . I was actually in a great mood ! I probably teased my mom all the way home about her chicken massacre . The following fall , I was in a high school speech class . Our assignment was to give a personal experience speech . I spoke about my experience in the pageant and how God had taught me what winning really means . After class , my teacher told me I needed to give that speech in competition . My sophomore year of high school , that 's exactly what I did . Many times after giving that speech , other competitors would come up and thank me for sharing my experience and my faith . An extra bonus was the winning season I had . Becoming a loser at a beauty pageant was the beginning of a speaking ministry that continues today . It was also the beginning of my understanding of God 's ways . He has consistently used my failures and disappointments to change me and even to bless me . I have learned that when God stands with you , there is really no way you can lose . People are shocked when I explain that I was allowed to drive at 14 in South Dakota ( dawn to dusk ) . They should be shocked ! If they only knew the crazy way we drove at that age . We drove 80 miles an hour on gravel hills because fish tailing was fun . We drove one another 's cars , or should I say we drove the cars that belonged to one another 's parents . My girlfriend stopped her vehicle by throwing the transmission into park . You can imagine how excited I am to have my own kids get behind the wheel . When I was 16 , I could drive at night , and often did . We lived a good distance from my high school and I was involved in a number of extracurricular activities that kept me from home until later . I also had a boyfriend ( don 't tell my kids ) . I don 't recall what had me driving the Plymouth home in the dark alone one particular evening , but I will never forget the drive . On a dark and deserted county road , I suddenly heard a voice yell , " Watch out for that deer ! " I was so startled , I slammed on the brakes . That 's when a deer ran across the road in front of me . I spent the rest of the trip home trying to figure out what had just happened . Had I seen the deer in my peripheral vision ? Honestly , no . Was I looking out for deer ? No again . Whose voice was that ? Honestly , it seemed to be mine , but like someone else had taken over my head . It was too loud to be a thought . What would have happened if I had not heard the voice ? Would I have been injured or killed ? Would another accident have crippled my family financially and emotionally ? 1 Kings 19 : 12 calls God 's communication " a still small voice . " I can 't recall God ever yelling at me other than the night I avoided a deer collision . But I have heard His still small voice many times . I look forward to telling you what He had to say . Every year for many years , my family and some family friends took a weekend vacation at a Holiday Inn . We rented poolside rooms , went out to eat , and saw movies . It was a real treat that we looked forward to every winter . Our friends wanted to stop and get something from home , so we waited for them out in the car . As I waited , I thought , " I don 't want to go . " I questioned myself on this reaction because I absolutely loved these weekends with our friends . No matter how rational I tried to be , I couldn 't shake the feeling . I even considered telling everyone that I didn 't want to go , but I knew they would think I was crazy . I figured I was . We checked into the hotel , played some mini golf , and went out for a yummy pizza dinner . I went out to the parking lot of the restaurant and lifted up the door handle of our Volare . It was the only brand new car my parents had ever purchased . Without thinking much about it , I let the door handle go and I got into the car with my friends . This was very atypical behavior for me . I wasn 't one to decide to ride with another family on a whim . Our friends ' son climbed into the back seat of our car since I was taking his spot . We made the drive through a residential area on our way back to the hotel that night . My family was in front of our friends ' car . I saw a car speeding and swerving wildly up ahead of us . I watched as though seeing a movie in which I thought for sure the out - of - control car was going to miss my family . At the last second , the car careened into the front of my family 's vehicle sending it into a 360 spin . The next hours were horrific . My dad stumbled out of the vehicle with blood pouring down his face . The drunk and high driver put his head through the windshield of his car , but came over to my mother who was wedged under the dash , and tried to pull her out of the vehicle . Our friend , and the driver of the car I was in , was a police officer and immediately put a stop to that . My mother 's arm was shattered and it took more than a year of surgeries and treatment for her to recover . She was never able to return to her previous position as a service technician for Sears . My brother came out of car with the knee of his pants soaked in blood . He and my dad were treated at the hospital and released . I never saw our friend 's son , but learned that he had pushed the car 's headrest ( that we 'd never been able to budge ) up into the air with his mouth . He required a lot of dental work as a result of the accident . My baby brother , fortunately , wasn 't with us . After the initial shock wore off , I wondered at my initial reaction to our trip and at my decision to ride with my friends . Had God been trying to protect us ? Why wasn 't I in that car ? Even though our family , friends , and especially my mother suffered much as the result of the accident , we were also protected . No one lost their lives . It could have been much , much worse . Since the accident , I have learned to listen more closely to God 's warnings . I have also learned that even when I forge ahead anyway , I am still under His protection . As much pain as I 've experienced in life , without Christ , it could have been much , much worse . I returned to my hometown junior high school after a five year absence . There were just over fifty students in my class , so it was easy to get to know everyone again . What was hard was understanding why the girls in particular treated one another so poorly . Like some kind of crazy lottery , a girl was chosen without much rhyme or reason to be " dropped . " Dropping meant that none of the girls would speak to you . You were shunned . Completely . Anyone ( including boys ) who dared to associate with the dropped girl would also be shunned . The dropped girl ate alone . She walked back to school from having lunch in the cafeteria , followed by a group of girls who mocked and ridiculed her . I watched as girls subjected to this treatment completely fell apart . Then as quickly as the girl had been dropped , she was restored . It wasn 't long after I arrived at school before I took my turn . It 's no wonder . I was the " new girl . " I wasn 't shocked that I had been dropped . But I was devastated by how long I was the favorite social outcast . I had an okay time of it outside of school . I had a friend I spent time with . But school itself was unbearable . As a psychologist , I have asked myself why my dropping went on so long . I think one reason was that I never buckled . Unlike some other girls who sobbed , begging for it to stop , I never let anyone see me cry . I won 't say how long the ordeal lasted so I don 't exaggerate . All I know is that it was an eternity for a junior high girl . I had often prayed and cried out to God for help . Then one night I had a dream that it was over . When I woke up I knew that this was God 's answer . The end of this lonely road was in sight . I felt compelled to write a letter of submission to the girl who seemed to be the dropping ringleader . I heard her reading it out loud to some of the other girls . She was clearly shocked . My status was restored within days of my dream . In high school , the practice of dropping ended . I went on to become vice president of my class and was on the homecoming court . Since graduating from high school , the dropping ring leader seems to be the last person you 'd ever expect to be a " mean girl . " Be strong and courageous . Do not be afraid or terrified because of them , for the LORD your God goes with you ; he will never leave you nor forsake you . ( Deuteronomy 31 : 6 ) My father 's family was twice the size of mine , but unfortunately wasn 't twice the fun . His father was an abusive alcoholic . Dad was sent to live with and work for an abusive uncle at the age of four . He quit school after the eighth grade to help support his family . At eighteen he was drafted and was sent to the German front lines in World War II . While there , his life was in constant jeopardy and he watched many of his friends die . Dad came home to discover that his father had drunk up all the money he had sent home from the service . He eventually married twice and was left twice . When he married my mother and became a father to me in his early forties , he was ecstatic . I can 't tell you that he was a perfect father . Years of trauma and mistreatment took its toll on my dad emotionally . But I can tell you that he wasn 't an alcoholic , nor was he ever abusive to me . He told me he loved me and was proud of me all the time . He constantly made me laugh . He was one of the most humble men I 've ever known . He taught me how to fish , fast pitch softball , and basic carpentry skills . He loved beating me in cribbage . When I was on my own , he bailed me out of several financial jams I got myself into and wrote me precious letters . In one letter he wrote , " I 've been thinking of you all week , so I thought I 'd better write . "

As much as we loved our country home and its fifty - two acres , there came a time that we knew it was time to move on . For me it was the morning I had to run for the bathroom before I lost my breakfast . That 's right , pregnant again . Precious blessing number four would soon grace our family with love and joy and laughter like you would not believe . We had stretched the limits with three children in a two bedroom house - four would never work . For Edward it was a more sinister awakening . The basement of this house was little more than a cellar and none of us liked to go down there . However , a blown fuse or water heater gone awry would necessitate a trip for Edward . On one such an occasion Edward made the trip down those rickety old steps and into the abyss of damp , smelly darkness . He managed to fix the problem and decided as long as he was down there he would just clean up a bit . He had straightened up a shelf along the wall and turned around to dust off the old furnace and duct work . Needless to say he was slightly surprized to find two eyes staring back at him . There he stood , no hoe in hand , nothing but an old broom , face to face with yet another snake . It took him all of thirty seconds to run up those rickety old steps , yell " we 're moving " , and out the door he went . There comes a time in every family 's life when they have to say goodbye to a loved one . The pain and mourning that goes along with these departures is generally unbearable and sometimes causes you to do some very strange things . Gertrude 's passing was one of those times . I mourned , Edward mourned , the kids cried , and even Eli the dog mourned , albeit for different reasons . Early one morning I walked Edward to his car and waved as he drove out the driveway . Eli was barking so I decided he needed to be fed before he woke the children . I made my way to his dog house and stopped dead in my tracks when I spotted poor Gertrude laying just a few feet in front of me . I stifled a scream knowing that would cause the children to come running . Hers had not been a natural death , it was obvious to even my untrained eye . I knew I had to do something . There was no time to wait for the authorities . I scooped up poor Gertrude and ran behind the garage and dug as fast as I could . I wrapped her poor body in a trash bag and placed her lovingly into the shallow grave . Then I ran back to the dog house and raked up the billowing reminders of this once graceful lady and placed them in the trash bag . I was just patting down the last shovel full of dirt when I heard the children beginning to stir . Wiping my eyes , I started for the house trying to decide what I would tell them . It would have to be a beautiful story about how Gertrude had loved them and enjoyed living with them - but that sometimes bad things happen , even when you are a beautiful goose and you wander too far from the pond and strut your stuff too close to the Labrador Retriever . Seems like we had a lot of animals around that country house - George the moose head to all the snakes . Yet early one winter morning I had an encounter with one of the most vicious of all animals . I was pregnant - yet again - with just a few weeks to go and went back to bed when hubby left for work . I hadn 't much more than crawled into bed when I sensed that something had crossed the room . Out of bed I lumbered , the only way I could do anything those days , and searched the bedroom then all the rooms upstairs - nothing . Back to bed I crawled thinking I had missed out on twenty of those precious extra minutes I had before the other kids work up . I loved those extra minutes . I drifted in and out of dreamland , visions of sugar plums turning to size two ballgowns and tiny feet dancing on air . Suddenly I knew there were eyes on me - watching me - in that very room . Slowly I turned over and there they were - two enormous eyes right on me . Needless to say I was out of that bed in a shot - well as fast as my swollen feet and enormous girth would allow . I ran out of the room and pulled the door shut behind me . I was sure whatever was in there could easily take me down and carry me to whatever living arrangement that species preferred . I called my brother - in - law who lived nearby to come a runnin ' and to bring his elephant gun with him . When he showed up with just a flashlight I felt sorry for him but said he was on his own and pointed to the bedroom door as I was going into the kids ' room to protect them . Early one bright , summer morning I watched from the kitchen window as Edward pulled out the canoe and proceeded to tug and drag and finally get it into the pond and start rowing around . Now this pond was very small and the water was not exactly pleasant but if hubby wanted to row around I decided I would fix him a light breakfast and go outside to watch him while the little ones were still sleeping . Not bothering to change into some more " outdoorsy " clothes I threw my terry cloth robe over my see - through nightie ( this was back when what you could see through was , well much less and a whole lot better than it is now ) and headed out the door . Hubby was so proud of the fact that his 135 pound body had managed to get the 400 pound canoe into the water that he wanted to take me out for a spin . He rowed over to the edge , took his breakfast , and instructed me on the proper way to enter a boat . I failed the course . I had just managed to slide my foot over the side when my foot slipped on the morning dew and I fell into the canoe head first . Not to be outdone in the " how not to do it " department , hubby jumped up to help me and Eli the dog jumped in - not to help but to get the bacon and egg sandwich now laying unguarded on the floor of the canoe . Tragedies happen on days like this . People are found years later at the bottom of dried out farm ponds . Good dogs like Lassie get people to follow them with their " Timmy 's in the well " whine . Not today . Instinct kicked in and just as the canoe flipped over , papa went one way and mama went the other - Eli was on his own . Edward managed to contain the canoe and keep it from smashing us on the head . My terry cloth robe pulled me all the way to the bottom - remember it 's yukky water and mama don 't swim in yukky water - so I yanked that robe off and fought all the way to the top . Okay , so I just stood up but it is so much more dramatic to say I had to fight my way out than to admit I couldn 't , and still can 't , swim a lick . I lost my shoes , my dishes , the sandwich , an entire glass of expensive orange juice , and the best cup of coffee ever made . It was not a pretty picture as we drug the canoe out of the water and made our way back to the house soaking wet . It was not until I realized hubby 's clothes were sticking to him that I remember my see - through nightie . We were still living in the house in the country when man first walked on the moon . There were lots of people who did not believe this was possible and that it was just a stunt thought up by the government and Hollywood . Even Edward , who is generally pretty open minded ( okay that part is a lie ) , refused to believe it was possible to get a spaceship all the way to the moon , some men were able to get out of the spaceship and walk around uncharted territory , and then those same men were still alive and able to get their spacecraft safely back to earth . No , he was not believing any of this and he proclaimed it adamantly to the news reporter who called us randomly to see what we thought . In all fairness to hard headed Edward , he actually thought it was his sister playing a trick on him but it sure kept us from being interviewed ever again . I , on the other hand , believe not only was it possible to travel in outer space but I had first hand knowledge of this extraordinary discovery . No I was never an astronaut but we were " visited " by a spaceship when I was a teenager . One summer morning when I was about fifteen my father came home from the night shift at the machine shop where he worked . My sisters and I were still in bed since school was out for the year but we could hear daddy ranting about our leaving the garage door up during the night . Mother assured him we had not because she had checked it just before she went to bed and it was closed . This went on for several mornings even though all of us checked the door before turning in . After several irate calls from my father , Sears made house calls to check out the opener only to declare it good as new - yet each morning the door was opened . Perhaps , Sears announced , one of our neighbors had purchased the same kind of opener and it had somehow latched on to ours too . None of the neighbors had automatic openers . More irate calls to Sears , perhaps someone was playing a trick on us and was driving by at night , pointing their opener at the garage and viola , open door in the morning . We had just about decided we were going to have to buy a new opener , when we started to find the door open in the middle of the day too . More irate calls , more house calls , more good as new diagnosis , same irate father . My older sister , the one who never does anything wrong , decided one day she would climb up into the attic and wait to see who was doing this dastardly deed . Up , and sometimes down , went the door . Nobody there . Up , down , nobody around anywhere . More irate calls . More promises to check into it . We were certain by this point that Sears thought they were dealing with an entire family of certified nuts who didn 't have a clue as to how to operate these modern conveniences . In fact they admitted such to us - eventually . A few weeks after these strange events began Sears came back . The repairman could barely contain his laughter when he told us that he had seen everything that he thought he could possibly see in his job - until now . After much research Sears determined that the circuits of the Russian spaceship Sputnik had somehow linked to our garage door . In the middle of the United States , in the middle of Ohio , in the middle of the smallest town in the entire world , Russia was linked to our family . Our grandson Ed , that 's right there are three Edwards in this family and you can imagine how confusing that is , lives with us and is an absolute joy to have around . He is so pleasant that half the young men in town like to come over , play video games , take a nap ( or stay the night ) , and eat . So I do a lot of cooking . Edward , great husband and protector that he is , has taken exception to my title . He says all the old men from here to Timbuktu will be reading my blog and become very interested in me . " Oh , I see , " says I , " they will know that I am old and can cook . " " No , " says he , " they will think you are old and still cooking " . " That 's right , I am old but I can still cook " . " That 's what I mean . You 're retired and old men will think you mean cooking . You know - cooking . " So after I picked myself up off the floor from laughing so hard , I guess I could see his point . So I will digress forward long enough to say , I am old , I can still cook , but my heart belongs to only one old man . Happy Valentines ' Day honey , I still love you after all these years . Posted by There are a lot of phobias in this family . Spiders , heights , tight spaces , well , you name it and somebody has it , but nothing , and I mean nothing , frightens us more than snakes - especially hubby . Now the first time I witnessed this paralyzing phenomenon caught us both off guard , as do most snake attacks I am sure - nasty old sneaky creatures . We were outside just after a heavy rain . Our two older children were running through the front yard trying , not to successfully , to miss the puddles of rain water . All of a sudden I spotted what I was sure was an anaconda it was so big . It was headed straight toward Eddie who had just managed to not avoid a very muddy puddle . I proved to be no help at all as I stood there dumbfounded but a quick shout from hubby brought me out of my stupor just as Eddie came flying through the air and straight into my arms . Renee quickly came over the side of the porch and hubby went running for a hoe . I have never seen such vengeance in a man 's eyes as hubby raised that hoe and came down right behind that snake 's head . I am not sure but I think I saw that snake laugh . Time after time hubby brought that hoe down on the snake and time after time the snake turned a little closer toward hubby . Finally , in much frustration hubby hit the snake enough to stun it into submission and long enough for him to douse a nearby pile of leaves with gasoline and with one last effort toss the stunned reptile into the fire . Too crazed to do anything the snake lost the battle and hubby had won the war . No we did not have roasted snake for dinner . My children were always wanting to help me cook . Problem was they never wanted me around when they did it . Like the time Renee wanted to make us breakfast in bed so she got up really early to make us scrambled eggs and toast . She was about five and knew that eggs were cooked in a skillet on the stove . So she , the sweet child that she was , took a dozen eggs from the refrigerator , drug a chair up to the stove , grabbed a spatula from the drawer , climbed up on the chair , put the eggs in the skillet , took the spatula , and beat the stuffing out of the eggs - shells and all . Fortunately she did not know how to turn the stove on so fire was never a worry . When her little brother Eddie got up he was ordered to make the toast which turned out very well except the toaster wasn 't plugged in . However ( there is always a " however " where my children were concerned ) , he loved butter and sugar on his toast so that was exactly what he was going to do . He took a stick of butter and the sugar bowl and climbed up on the kitchen table - I guess to be closer to the toaster - and put the butter on the table then dumped the entire sugar bowl on top of it . Since he was only four he did not realize he was going to need something to mix this up with , but his hands were there and they were better than a spoon any day . Not to be outdone Eli , our enormous black lab , wanted his breakfast too . There was a fifty pound bag of dog food standing in the corner that we had not yet put away . So , with the faint smell of raw eggs and sugar in the air , Eli pounced on the dog food and ripped the bag just enough to spread fifty pounds of hard , meat flavored chunks all over the kitchen floor . ( Sugared toast was a treat my mother made for us when we were very young . She would butter slices of bread and sprinkle a little sugar on top . Then she would put it under the broiler until the sugar just started to turn slightly tan . We had a hard time waiting until it cooled . ) Posted by No it wasn 't a real moose - we live in the Midwest for goodness sake - but it might as well have been . My father , always a giving man , decided that our children needed George . George was the stuffed head of what must have been a very large moose . It had hung in our garage since I was a teenager - one of those " somebody needed money and had to sell something " items my father was always bringing home . Why he found this particular time to give George away is beyond me but our family became the recipient . We piled George in the trunk of our car , thank goodness we were not stopped on the way home because I don 't think a policeman would have understood why we had this moose head protruding out over the highway . Then we piled the sleeping children into the back seat . We reversed this process when we got home tucking the children into their warm beds . George unfortunately had to spend the night sitting on the floor because we were just too tired to hang him properly - I 'm sure a terrible disgrace to any self - respecting moose . The next morning our pajama clad little ones came running down the stairs . Renee , oblivious to anything out of the ordinary , ran straight into the kitchen for breakfast . Eddie on the other hand noticed everything . He ran through the living room , around the corner , and came face to face with George who looked like his head was sticking up out of the floor . Absolutely every bit of blood drained from poor Eddie 's face , he came to a dead stop , and immediately started to back up like a cartoon character who was leaving grooves in the floor . He managed to back himself into the couch and couldn 't go any further just about the time I caught up with him . I think he left claw marks on my back . I can 't say that George and Eddie ever came to be close friends but they did learn to tolerate each other - especially after Eddie learned that he could swing from old George 's beard once we hung him on the wall . Poor George , what a disgrace to any self - respecting moose . George paid the ultimate price many years later when he died one last time in a fire . Poor George , may he rest in peace - finally . Christmas at our house was a real treat . One in particular is most memorable . We had two children and had moved to the country . I was pregnant with our third child , but then when wasn 't I pregnant . We decided we would take the little ones to a tree farm and cut our own tree . I had also been having trouble with a wisdom tooth trying to work its way through my very sore and swollen gum . Not to worry , I would rush to the dentist , have the nasty thing yanked out and be back in plenty of time to join the family for a trek through the isle of misfit pine trees . All went well at the dentist in spite of the fact that my grandmother , two hundred miles away , was having palpitations because pregnant women should never have a tooth pulled and she was not going to rest until I was safely home and in bed for the next week . I don 't remember why teeth pulling and pregnant women didn 't go together , but Lynlie looked okay when she was born . I mean she didn 't have antlers or three eyes or anything like that . We bundled the kids up so tight they could barely walk and we were not much better - but then I was out of shape , weary from tooth pain , and very front heavy . We walked and walked . We picked the kids up over and over when they tripped in the snow . We walked and walked , picked up , and rested . Finally we found the perfect tree . It was about twenty - five feet tall , round and full . It was absolutely beautiful , problem was our ceilings were only ten feet high . So hubby climbed about half way up and chopped and sawed , then huffed and puffed , then chopped and sawed , then . . . oh well , you know what he did , and you probably also know he wasn 't happy about it at this point . It took a long time but it eventually fell down splashing snow all of our giggling children and their very frustrated mama . Finally we could go home and it was a good thing because I was about nine months pregnant and I really had to go - SOON ! Along about the time the tree hit the ground , the pain pills wore off and my tooth , or lack of a tooth , really started to throb . Edward and I grabbed the biggest limbs and Renee and Eddie pulled on anything they could latch onto between falling down and being too bundled up to stand back up on their own . So we walked and walked , picked up , and walked and walked . Finally we were at the car and tied the tree on top as best we could . The trip home was a lot of fun because it was like driving through a forest with all the branches laying on the windshield . Did I mention the frustrated husband . I don 't remember how the tree came off the car when we got home because I was making a mad dash for the bathroom . I do remember that once we cut off a couple of feet and set up the tree it took up about half of the living room - and the room was about twenty feet long . It was so big we nailed it to the floor and tethered it to both walls . We didn 't have nearly enough decorations for it so we only put them around the front and sides . The kids and I made paper chains and ornaments and strung popcorn . It looked very much like Charlie Brown might have helped us , but we loved it and I think the kids played hide and seek inside it 's branches when we weren 't looking . Our first night in our little bungalow was very memorable . Edward had allotted me ten dollars to buy groceries for the week . I spent a little over nine dollars and managed to fill the cupboards fairly well - again , remember this was a very long time ago . Between a few wedding gifts and some donated books of trading stamps we had managed to have some basic dishes , glasses ( the ones I had to grab every time the train went by ) , silverware , and pots and pans . The only problem was that we did not have a can opener or sharp knife . I had planned to have potatoes and corn with some kind of meat ( too long ago to remember what kind ) but I had no knife to peel the potatoes or can opener for the corn . What to do ? What to do ? Being the ingenious woman that I am I searched until I found an old army can opener for the corn - the kind that takes you eleven and a half minutes to open one can and I scrubbed the potatoes and cooked them with the peels on . A little salt and butter and hubby was none the wiser for my turmoil . Since Edward had worked his way up to assistant manager at the grocery store we were often the recipients of " gifts " from the store and its vendors . Sometimes it was in the form of dented and unlabeled cans , some display item like the colander ( from a macaroni company ) that I still have , and finally an old knife from a sympathetic butcher , I still have that too . The neighborhood children loved it once a month when an dairy vendor would give Edward an entire case of ice cream . We had a very small refrigerator with the smallest freezer compartment I have ever seen . There was no way we could eat all that ice cream so we passed it out . We were the most popular people in the neighborhood , with the kids anyway . Our first home was by a railroad track and very small , only a living room , bedroom , kitchen , and a bathroom so tiny the shower stuck out into the bedroom and you practically had to back into it if you wanted to use the facilities . I loved it there . Of course we only had one child then and she was so small I could contain her in very small spaces . The train would go past about noon and midnight and it was so relaxing to hear it rolling along and the gentle whistle blow as it crossed the intersection . Okay , so it was nice for a day or two then it became a royal pain . The clack of the wheels nearly drove me out of my mind . The dishes in the metal cupboards rattled and sometimes came close to shaking themselves out off the shelves . Sometimes the train was so long it held up traffic in front of the house and the horns would start to blow and shouts could be heard from angry drivers anxious to get where they were going . The house served us well for a short time - until we found out there would be two little ones under foot and we decided we had to move on . Besides its a little hard to potty train children when you both can 't fit in the bathroom at the same time . Many houses have come and gone since those early days but none has drawn us as close as the little bungalow by the tracks . Of course , had we stayed there I am sure we would not have the family we do today - one of us would have strangled the other . Posted by Elizabeth , our youngest , was born with a head full of dark curls and a desire to talk . When they laid her on my stomach I did what most mothers do , I threw up . If babies were in fact able to talk , I am sure she would have yelled " Hey what 's up with that ? " In all fairness , I threw up every time I had a baby so this was nothing special . Along about three weeks I think Elizabeth did say her first words and she has not stopped since . In fact , I think she was giving the doctor instructions on how to conduct her six week checkup and that she was quite capable to taking care of herself from then on . I went to many parent - teacher conferences while I was raising my children . I grew quite familiar with phrases like , such a wonderful child , a model student , wish I have a whole classroom of students like your child , always helping and putting others first . I loved these compliments for my children . However , we were soon hearing some new qualifiers to these compliments . Things like , I have never heard a child talk so much in my entire teaching career , she 's very helpful to the other students except she wants to do the work for them , does she talk this much at home , she tries to do my job teaching the other kids , can you do something to keep her from talking so much . Of course I know she talks that much , no I can 't do anything about it - I 've tried , yes she does tend to take over . blah , blah , blah . Why do you think I sent her to kindergarten at age 3 ! Somehow we always knew all our children would be leaders and successful in life , however , we also knew Elizabeth would take over the world . She is grown now , an excellent and talented ICU nurse . Yes she still talks , more than most people , and she is very passionate that things are done right at her hospital . So if you break the rules or go against the policies she will see to it you are fired - just ask the Chaplain ! But that is a story for another blog . Posted by Lynlie was our smallest baby at seven and a half pounds . She was tiny and had very thick , dark hair . When an older cousin saw her for the first time he said she wasn 't a baby it was just a toy doll . We invited him to touch her wiggly toes , he did and promptly stated that her foot was real but the rest of her was still a toy . She was a good baby but an even better child growing up . We never had to worry about her . If she told us she was going somewhere , that 's exactly where she went and she came home exactly when she said she would . Well , there was that time when she was eighteen and went to a birthday party and told us she would be home at 9 pm . Needless to say when it got to be 9 : 30 and she wasn 't home , we absolutely panicked . We were just grabbing our coats to make a frantic search for her when she finally pulled into the driveway . We didn 't even have a chance to ask where she had been when she blurted out , " Don 't worry , I 'm okay . I was with the police and because of me none of us had to go to jail " . Then she turned and started off to her room like that was all the information we needed to hear . Turns out Lynlie and the girls from the party had decided to go visit another girl who had not been able to come and they were a little late leaving so they were still driving after curfew at 9 pm . A young policeman , wanting to strut his stuff in front of a car load of teenage girls , pulled them over . He was in the process of reading them the riot act for being out past curfew without an adult when Lynlie stopped him , showed him her driver 's license and revealed that she was eighteen and therefore they did indeed have an adult with them . Embarrassed he let them go and they went back to the party and Lynlie came home . That was the one and only time she gave us any cause for concern . Posted by Little Eddie was born on a Sunday evening just about thirty minutes after we arrived at the hospital . Not a lot of extensive labor like his older sister but we managed to get there in time for daddy to watch Bonanza while I was breaking the sound barrier trying to get to the labor room in time . We soon found out that speed was going to be a vital part of this child 's life . By the time our son reached a whole year old he had given up his bottle , his crib , and afternoon naps . He had also learned how to terrorize his sister , open locked doors , ride a tricycle , and present partial bird carcases to his mama for approval . He also managed to cause speed in other people . Like the time he decided there were too many people in the pet store and he was not able to see the animals as quickly as he would like . So , in his bright male dominate mind he just ran through the store yelling , the snakes are loose , the snakes are loose . After that he was free to view all the animals at his convenience . He was a beautiful child , wavy blond hair , and a smile and dimples to die for . That 's why it was so hard to believe such innocence could reek so much havoc . But those are stories for more ( many , many more ) blogs . Have you ever had the feeling that no matter what you need to do you aren 't going to do it right ? Well that 's exactly the feeling I had when we brought our first child home from the hospital . Renee was born a long time ago , back when new mommies got to stay in the hospital for a full five days , the babies slept in the nursery where the nurses fed them at night , and there was always some medical professional nearby to help when you needed to rest . Renee was a really good baby . She hardly ever cried , spit up , or made disgusting bodily noises . Well there was that time she tinkled on her great uncle Charles , but we don 't talk about that . She started sleeping through the night at age one and a half weeks . That 's the truth . She would sleep from about 10 pm until 6 am with no problem at all . However , I should explain what led up to this phenomenon . You see , new daddy decided he should get up to feed her so I could get some rest . He changed her and made her toasty warm while her four - ounce bottle was warming . After being satisfied the bottle was just right he picked her up and headed for the rocking chair . Unfortunately in order to get to the chair he had to cross the bedroom and tiptoe past the old radiator that heated the apartment . The problem was that he didn 't tiptoe past the radiator , he tiptoed into the radiator and stubbed his toe , knocked my fuzzy slipper into the heater where it immediately fused to the heated metal , stomped off to the rocker , fed the poor child the entire bottle , did not burp her , and put her back in the crib where I am sure she realized if she was going to make it in this world she 'd better not tick off her new daddy . I knew then that God was listening the day we brought her home and I whispered this prayer , " God , please don 't let this child do anything that you and I can 't handle together " . So far He has done just that . My husband Edward is the sixth of seven children . He weighed just under three pounds when he was born , stayed an entire month in the hospital , and slept in a box near the stove when he came home . He has put on a few pounds since then but still likes to be wrapped up tightly when he sleeps - and he does like to sleep . Our youngest granddaughter says if she doesn 't get her sixteen hours of sleep each night then she can 't function . Grandpa taught her that . Hubby and I met while we were both in high school , rival schools . I went to the good one and he didn 't . Surprisingly they are both still in existence today and mine is still the best . He was working at the local grocery store . My sister ( the one who never does anything wrong ) and I trapped him one day and asked where the canned peas were ( not that we didn 't already know ) and managed to keep him talking for a few minutes . Long enough to bat our eyelashes and sway a little back and forth so our poodle skirts and crinolines would swish around . Unfortunately , we forgot we were both carrying a gallon of milk . Now for those of you who don 't remember , milk came in glass jugs in those days . Our swishing and swaying was good for flirting but not so good for glass . My sister swished and I swayed and BANG ! Suddenly there was a lake of milk everywhere and my poor hubby had to clean it up . He tells people he 's been crying over spilt milk ever since . About two weeks after the Ark settled and the waters dried up , Jane was born . My mother was a housewife ( that 's what they called stay - at - home moms back then ) and my father was an engineer on a river barge hauling coal up and down the Ohio River . One of my first memories was the day daddy ( who was handy with most household jobs ) built a well house so mother wouldn 't have to do the laundry on the back porch . He was very proud of job he did laying the blocks and putting on the roof . Then he poured cement on the walk between the house and the new laundry room . Wet cement and five year olds do not mix - anyone ever tell you that ? It became too much for me to bear and with a little help from some cousins I decorated the walkway . Names , world class artwork , even our new found talent to write our ages all became a part of that masterpiece . Little did we know that daddy , tired and impatient , would not be pleased and see the future importance of our art . As soon as we heard him come out the back door we knew we were in trouble . Where could we go , where could we hide ? Safety for us came in the little two - holer ( we were high - class back then ) at the back of the yard . We ran as fast as our little legs could carry us and slammed the door behind us . Since there was no lock on the door it took about three seconds for daddy to rip the door open , actually nearly off its hinges , and pull us one by one out the door and spank our little bottoms until we ran crying to mother who was about two steps behind him . Now this also included my older sister who , like most oldest siblings , never did anything wrong . And yes , in the case , she had indeed not done anything wrong and had just chosen that particular moment to use the little two - holer at the back of the yard for what it was intended to be used for . I believe that was the one and only time my sister ever got into trouble and it was my fault . Of course my parents never found out that she held that over me ( still does to this day ) and I became her own personal slave from that moment on . Greetings , welcome to my blog . I am a wife , mother , grandmother , great - grandmother , and retired . I love being with my family and having huge family dinners with lots of good food and fun . I am very grateful to have been blessed with my loved ones . It is my hope to inspire the younger generation with my age related wisdom and life experiences and perhaps share a laugh or two along the way .

" Bob , calm down " i said taking another sip from the hot chocolate " I 'm fine . Sit down and relax . Come here " I pointed to the chair next to the bed and asked him to sit down . " you are making me dizzy pacing back and forth like that " I said giggling . " I 'll be fine after taking the meds okay " He sighed and sat down . " is your arm still hurting ? " I just shook my head even though it still hurt badly . I just wanted him to relax and stop being so tense . It was making me tense too . " Bob , stop worrying about me . Just take a deep breath follow me okay " I started to breath in and out asking him to follow me and soon we were both laughing . " you feeling better now bob ? " I asked him smiling and drinking more of the hot chocolate . " trust me bob , I 've been through worse okay . I took the meds one by one and gave him the bottles as I finished each one . " there , I hate meds urrrgghh ! " I saw Bob smile out of the corner of my eye as he placed the bottles back in the bag . " I have had asthma all my life Bob , and the hospital , clinic etc is like my 2nd home " I said pulling the blankets over my shoulder . " trust me it 's not easy to go through that " I sighed and smiled at him . I laid my head down on the pillow and looked at Bob who was just staring at me . " What ? " I said tapping him on the arm " why are you staring at me like that bob ? " I was feeling awkward with the way he was looking at me . He didn 't answer he just smiled and shook his head sighing . He put the chair behind the door and went to the living room returning with a few of the sofa cushions and a blanket . I laid down and tried to sleep but the image of what happened last night still haunted me . Every time I tried to close my eyes I felt myself jump off the car and land on the pavement . I could still feel the pain and the words that came out of Bill 's mouth , " nobody is going to help you today Lyn " kept repeating in my head . " Bob ? are you still awake ? " I called out to Bob just to check if he was still awake . He was still awake . He sat up and asked me what was wrong . " I can 't sleep . I can 't get him off my mind , i 'm scared Bob " I fiddled with my fingers . Bob sighed and took my hand . I couldn 't help laughing as well . " I feel more comfy if someone was next to me " I said smiling . " sorry this is just how I am , just don 't do anything stupid okay . " I warned him shifting over a bit so there was enough room for him to lay down beside me . I didn 't have to ask twice he laid himself down beside me pulling the blanket over us and just closed his eyes . I cuddled closer to him to keep warm . I was actually freezing but I didn 't tell him . " Hey you 're pushing me off the bed Lyn " Bob sat up again and started laughing asking me move over more so he can lay down properly . I sat up and moved over more giving him more space . " are you cold ? i can get more blankets , just wait okay " He ran upstairs and was back with more blankets . There was a thermometer in his hand . " here I want to check your temperature " he handed me the thermometer and asked me to put it in my mouth . " i 'll be back " he left to go to the kitchen and came back with a glass of water . He took the thermometer and took a look at it . " Damn your temperature is insane Lyn ! " He put the thermometer on the table next to the bed . " you don 't look like you are sick girl are you okay ? " he handed me the glass of water and I took a sip and gave it back to him and asked him to lay down and sleep . I had already put the blankets over myself and as soon as he laid down I pulled his arm over my shoulder and laid right next to him with my head just leaning on his chest . " shh just close your eyes and sleep okay " Bob whispered in my ear pulling the blanket over us with his other hand . " I 'm here and I wont let him touch you " he pulled me closer and held my head with his other hand . It didn 't take me long to doze off and I fell asleep . " Lyn ? wake up it 's lunch time " I felt Bob tap my shoulder to wake me up . I stretched and yawned my head was throbbing . " go away my head hurts ! " i pushed bob 's hand away and put the pillow over my head . I fell asleep again and then I woke up feeling a cold sensation on my fore head . Bob had put a wet cloth on my head to keep my temperature down . " hey how u feeling ? " Bob helped me to sit up on the bed . Food was ready and placed on the table right next to the bed . " you need to get something to eat " " hey how u feeling ? " Bob helped me to sit up on the bed . Food was ready and placed on the table right next to the bed . " you need to get something to eat " I put my hands in front to reach out for the food but Bob just pushed them away . " I 'll help you girl , don 't worry about it okay " I couldn 't say anything I was too sore to say anything . After what seemed like hours I finally managed to talk " what time is it bob ? " I was trying to find a clock on the wall and my phone was nowhere to be seen " and where is my phone ? " I looked over at Bob who was reading his messages . " O sorry I charged it outside and it 's 4pm girl " he went outside to take my phone and handed it to me . He felt my forehead to check my temperature . " phiewph ~ glad you are not so warm anymore " he said sighing as he sat himself back down on the chair . I checked the texts and missed calls . there were so many and noticed that it was already Sunday . I needed to meet up with Grace tomorrow . I have to get better . " I need to get better bob , I have to see my Sister tomorrow . Not in this condition " I sighed and checked my left arm . It was no longer in pain but I know the wounds are not healed yet . " let me take a look at that " He lifted my arm and looked at the bandages " does it still hurt ? " I shook my head and smiled at him . " sorry for bringing u into this bob , i really appreciate you taking care of me like this " I took his hand and held it tight . " Thanks " After freshening up and changing the bandages Bob decided that we go out and eat . I still think it wasn 't safe for me to go out because Bill still kept sending me threatening text messages . I had already called his dad and asked for help because he was scaring me and what he did to me was so unacceptable . His Dad assured that he was going to make sure that Bill doesn 't disturb me anymore and if he did to call him right away . I was feeling better after that but I was still scared to eat out . I offered to cook dinner for Bob to thank him for all his help . May 23 , 2017RANTSadventures , amazing things that happen , hidupku , life oh life , life storyLyn My dad said when I was a kid I was really talkative and I didn 't care who it was and where I was , I would talk to anyone that stood beside me or in front of me , whether I knew them or not . Hahaha that 's funny Coz when I see myself now , It 's hard for me to talk to people I don 't know , unless they start talking to me that is … My dad also said that I would follow anyone as long as they gave me something I liked … That 's true till today but I don 't follow just anyone … I used to sing alot , ask alot of questions like a normal kid would . I was really annoying though and I wouldn 't stop asking till I thought what you said was correct " for me " and that didn 't mean that I was listening to the correct information . ERRRKKSSS … typical kid ! hahaha . There was this thing that happened back then that I would remember until today . It was celebration for Hari Raya Aidilfitri I forgot which year , we were on our way to my grandma 's place when we got involved in a car accident half way … . My cousin was killed and a few other people were badly injured . Back then they used trucks as public transport and that 's what we rammed into . I was sitting inside the pick up with my mom , sister , dad , and my grandma ( my mom 's mom ) , the others were sitting at the back . The others were 3 of my aunts and 2 of my cousins . As usual a kid would never sit still inside the car no matter how much you nag at them , so there i was jumping about inside the car listening to my grandma nagging when all of a sudden my dad started to swing his arm from side to side trying to shoo something away from his face , he said there was a bee in the car and he was trying to push it out of his view . From the front of the car I saw a big cloud of dust form up maybe because a car was coming from the other side . I could still hear my grandma nagging before I heard screams and felt myself fly out from the front of the car . Maybe the mirrors broke that 's why I flew out . I got up and saw that the pickup truck was facing away and I was under the other truck 's front Tyres . What I didn 't know was I nearly got run over by that truck and my head could have been smashed to bits if it didn 't stop in time . I wasn 't scared because I didn 't know what was happening at that time . I ran toward our pickup truck and started knocking on my dad 's side of the door . I didn 't know he was knocked out cold . He opened the door after what seemed like hours and I started to cry now afraid that they left me behind here in this place where I didn 't know anyone at all . Frankly speaking , I didn 't know what the hell was happening at that time . All I wanted was mommy ! My dad carried me and checked on the back of the pickup truck . My cousin was unconscious and my aunts were bleeding everywhere . After a while the ambulance came and I went in with my unconscious cousin on the same ambulance . When we reached the hospital , they didn 't treat us like we had an emergency . Don 't know what their system was like back then . They asked us to fill up some forms and without that we weren 't allowed in and no treatment was given to us ! Jack asses ! My cousin was unconscious for goodness sakes ! After what seemed like hours we finally finished all the paperwork , my cousin was taken to ICU and I had to get my head stitched up . My dad had a broken nose , my sis had a bruise on her bum and my grandma had a short amnesia … My other cousin had a cuts on her knees and that was it , my aunt broke her hand and the other 2 were fine just cuts along their necks and faces . That afternoon we heard the bad news about my cousin . She had internal bleeding in her brain so she didn 't make it . She died halfway through the surgery . I bet that 's because of the fact we took so long to fill up the paperwork before anybody decided to do something . I really was close to her and losing her was a big thing for me . Her parents were there when the doctor told us that she was gone . I saw my uncle punch the wall and left a big crack on the wall . He is gonna hate my dad forever ! That 's what was on my mind back then … That event , will be remain in my head till the day I die . Even though I was still a kid at that time … I faced a near death situation and I hope that will never happen again … . May 22 , 2017The not so Romeo & Juliet Storyadventures , amazing things that happen , cheating men and women , HELP , hidupku , liars die , life oh life , life storyLyn I opened my eyes and the lights were so bright I had to cover my eyes with my hands . I could hear Bob 's and David 's voice . " Is he gone ? " I said trying to get up . There was a sharp pain on my left arm . " Ouch ! " " I 'm fine " I said still holding my left arm in pain . " What if he comes again guys ? I 'm scared . " I said looking at both David and Bob hoping for an answer . " Here let me help " bob helped me carry my backpack and helped me down the stairs and just before we reached the front door , I stopped bob . " Bill has this thing about stalking people he might be out there somewhere waiting for us to drive out … " I said pausing " Great ! How did you get together with this guy anyway ? " He dialled a number and spoke to one of his friends then hung up . " We are going to wait for my boys to come over okay . " he took a chair from the dining table downstairs and told me to sit . " You are going to be in the same car as the boys ok Lyn . I will drive by myself with your stuff and we are going to meet up somewhere and change cars okay . " He 's nowhere to be seen Lyn let 's go " Bob unlocked his car and helped me in . He quickly drove off making sure I stayed down as low as I could so no one could see me in the car . I felt like I was a captive running for my life . We arrived at his house pretty quickly . " stay in the car till I ask you to come out okay " I just nodded and kept laying low while he parked his car and opened the door to his house . He grabbed my bags out of his car and placed it inside . I recieved a text and read it . " Stay in the car . I saw his car drive by I am just going to close the gate and door for a while . Will be back to get you okay . " I held my breath and kept laying as low as I could closing my eyes and trying to keep myself calm . I don 't want my asthma to ruin everything . I heard a car pull over in front of Bob 's house . He opened the door and opened the gate to let his friends in . I read the text from Bob and did as I was told . I didn 't bother to look left right or behind when the boys came by and opened the door . I got out quickly and followed them into the house . I sat down on the sofa and looked around . I heard Bob 's Sisters coming down the stairs as Bob walked into the house . " Thanks Guys " he said thanking his friends for the help " u okay girl ? " he walked over to sit next to me " I just nodded . " hey bobby we going out with mom tonight she 's meeting us out for dinner we will pack u both something to eat k . " They didn 't look surprised to see me there . " you must be Lyn " She put her hand out for a handshake I took her hand " I 'm Betty and she is Brenda just make yourself at home " she headed out toward the door " hurry up Brenda ! " I smiled at Bob " Bobby ? " and giggled " that is so cute " I pinched him on the cheeks and saw him blush . His friends started laughing . " ok Bob we better get going now " his friends headed out the door too and soon we were left alone in the house . My left arm was still hurting and I lifted my arm to check the bandages . " wow ! Your arm Lyn , it 's bleeding ! " he hurried over and checked my arm . " we have to change the bandages Lyn " he said pausing to get my bag . " Here … " he handed me tha bag " the guest room is straight to the right from the kitchen " I walked into the guest room and locked the door behind me . After cleaning my cuts I had trouble putting the new bandages on I need your help after all bob I said to myself as I walked out the door . Bob was watching TV . He looked at me with a worried look on his face . " has he done this to you before ? " He stood up to put the scissors back in the kitchen cabinet . " what did you see in him ? he nearly killed you ! " " you hungry ? What 's taking the girls so long ? " I heard Bob sigh as he started dialling numbers on his phone " Mom I 'm starving and Lyn is here " he said pausing and listening to his mom talk . " aaawww man . When u guys coming back ? That 's not fair ! " He walked into the kitchen and then came out with some vegetables a knife and cutting board . " okay mom c u guys " He hung up and put his phone on the table sighing . He looked at the vegies on the table then looked at me . " you know what ? I have no idea what to cook " He sat down at the dining table " i 'm going out to get some food " He packed the vegies and took his car keys heading for the door . " Go inside the room Lock the door and Wait till I get back . He switched off the TV , lights and fan closing the door behind him . I was left alone in the dark . I headed to the guest room and closed the door . I didn 't bother turning on the lights or the fan in the room . I was freezing anyway . Sam : Hi Lyn I dropped by at the hostel and your boss said you went back to your parents . Hope you already took your meds . Take care … Jane : Babe ? long time no hear . I just got back from outsation . Has Gary boy called yet ? Dropping by the cafe later on with Tim . cya Bill : Where are you ? I know that Guy is helping you hide from me Lyn ! Let 's just see how long you can hide from me … cu around princess muuahhx " Lyn ! ! open the damn door ! ! ! I know you 're inside ! " I was awakened by the sound of Bill 's voice Knocking on the front door . He laughed and then continued knocking " No one 's going to help you today Lyn … hahahaha " I felt my heart skip a beat . The banging on the door got louder and harder and eventually I heard the door break open . I stood up and tried to walk over to the guest room door to lock it but I was too tired . I couldn 't force myself . It was too late Bill already found me . He was standing in the middle of the doorway . " hahahahaha " I saw him smiling at me with the evil grin on his face " no one 's going to help you today Lyn " he started to walk toward me and put his hands around my neck choking me really hard . I tried to fight him but I wasn 't able to move I was too weak . " No one is going to help you today Lyn ! " He started shaking me really hard . Crazy thoughts ran through my mind " am i going to die today ? " I opened my eyes and the room was no longer dark . I quickly got up and tried running out the door . Bob grabbed my arms and pulled me back . " it 's me Lyn ! Look at me ! " I cried and hugged him without thinking . " He was here … " I said sobbing " He tried to Kill me Bob . " " It 's okay Lyn u were just dreaming " he tried comforting me hugging me really tight " He was never here . Trust me okay " He rubbed his hands up and down my back . I was still breathing hard and it was really hard to breathe . I pulled away from Bob and sat myself on the bed . " I 'm freezing … " I paused catching my breath " I can 't breathe properly Bob " I put my head between my knees breathing out really long breaths and breathing in short breaths . It took longer than expected but I managed to gain control of my breathing again . My heart was still thumping so hard . Bob had just gone upstairs to get some blankets and was walking into the room . " here some blankets to keep you warm . You want anything to eat ? " I was going to say no but remembering that I have to take my meds I just nodded and tried getting up to go to the dining table . " whoa … " I felt my knees buckle and Bob caught me just in time before I hit the floor . " steady there Lyn " My head was throbbing and I was feeling dizzy " U okay girl ? " Bob was looking at me , he helped me sit on the bed as he placed pillows behind me so i can lean back . " You feel warm " he said walking out of the room coming back with some food and a glass of water . I had already wrapped myself in the blankets he got earlier . May 20 , 2017The not so Romeo & Juliet Storyadventures , amazing things that happen , cheating men and women , HELP , hidupku , liars die , life oh life , life storyLyn I got up hearing the sound of knocking on my door . " coming ! " I said trying to get up putting my sweater on . I was freezing . I checked the time on my phone and it was already lunch time . I opened the door to see David there . " Holy Dumbells ! What happened to you ? " He said in shock walking into the room to sit on my bed . I just walked over to sit next to him . " Just an accident last night . Everyone left me behind so I had to walk back alone " I paused fiddling with my phone . " what 's up ? Anything you want me to do ? " He got up from the bed and walked towards the door . " Yeah actually I just came up to check if you already made up your mind about the promotion . " He winked and started to walk out " Tell me once you get better okay . How many days you gonna take MC ? " There were a few missed calls on my phone from Bill , Sam , Bob and Jane . I didn 't bother to call back because I really felt tired and needed to get some more sleep . I slumped myself back on the bed and stared at the ceiling . Then the call I was waiting for . Grace finally called me " Hey sorry about the chaos I created " She said when I answered the call . " you should be . Dad is furious he is threatening to leave us ! " I said trying to keep myself calm . " Everyone thought I helped you run away from home . What got into you ? " I added sitting up so I could talk better . " Can we talk later ? I 'll text you my address later and we can meet up okay ? " She hung up the call and I knew if I called her she wouldn 't answer so I just put my phone back on the bed and stared at the ceiling again . I guess staring at the ceiling was my favorite thing to do now that I have so many things to think about nowadays . I forgot that I had promised Sam to meet up today and my phone was ringing again . " Sam something happened last night and I don 't think I can go out . Kinda injured can you come up to my room ? " I said sighing . He hung up the call and soon I heard a knock on the door . I took a deep breath before opening the door expecting the same reaction that I got from David just then . " My goodness ! " He said in shock " Are you okay ? " He grabbed a chair from behind my door and sat down . I walked over to my bed and sat down too . I nodded and sighed " Long story " I paused for a few seconds " I jumped out of someone 's car last night . Don 't ask me anything yet okay I don 't feel like talking about it . I am so sore right now Sam " Sam still had the shocked look on his face . " You really jumped out of a moving car ? That 's like stunt man thing girl ! You are lucky you 're still alive . " he said sighing . " you had anything to eat yet ? I can go buy you some food and we can just hang out here for the rest of the afternoon . " I just nodded and told him he could get me anything and it was fine . He left and was back again really quickly . " you taken your meds yet Lyn ? " He said handing me the packed food . I shook my head puting the food on the make up table just in front of me . " No that 's fine Lyn we can eat out of the packaging " he said stopping me " you need to get some rest okay ? " i shrugged and sat back down on the bed and handed him the plastic bag with the 2 packages inside . He handed me one and we started eating straight away . I didn 't feel like eating and as usual I would just play around with the food with the chopstick . He noticed I was doing that " Here open up I know you don 't want to eat but you have to " I pushed the spoon away and put some food in my mouth . I didn 't want anyone else to spoonfeed me other than Gary . " My ex did it Sam . He said he was going to send me home last night coz everyone left me behind at the cafe . " I said pausing and looking at Sam who was still waiting for me to explain more on what happened last night . " He was pissed off because I didn 't notice he was at the cafe so he was just driving off and I didn 't know where he was taking me , so I jumped out of the car " I stopped talking and waited for his response . I didn 't bother answering I was too tired . I just sighed and looked down on the floor . " sorry i don 't feel like talking about that Sam " I said fiddling with my phone . I wish Gary would call me so I could tell him everything . I sighed and looked over at Sam who was also fiddling with his phone . " Hey take your meds where did you put them ? " Sam asked me suddenly after putting his phone into his pocket . I pointed to the bag behind him . He grabbed the bag and handed it to me . I took the bottles out of the bag one by one and checked the labels following the instructions on each label . " you are like a baby you know that Lyn ? " He sd laughing . " I am going to make sure you take your meds from now on till you are better okay . I 'll call you if I have to . " His phone suddenly rang and I knew he was talking to Ryan because whenever Ryan called they would call each other this name that I don 't even know how to pronounce . Sam told Ryan what happened and Ryan said he wanted to meet up somewhere later on . I heard him say 5pm then hung up the call . " I have to get going Lyn " he said placing his phone back into his pocket . " what 's your ex 's name anyway ? " he said standing up and putting the chair back behind the door . " And what car does he drive ? " " Okay got to go Lyn will call you later okay . see ya " he waved and was off . I watched him drive off and decided to take a nap . Before I could doze of my phone rang again . It was Bob . " Hey how you doing ? taken your meds yet " I couldn 't help but laugh when he said that . " What 's so funny girl ? " He said confused why i was laughing . " Sorry , I have been hearing the same thing for like nearly 2 hours when everyone calls me … " I said to him gigling " yeah I 'm fine bob and yes i have taken my meds . Where are you ? " " I 'm downstairs got you something to eat here coming up in a second " I looked out my window and there he was . I just ate something with Sam and now Bob is here with more food . I opened my door before he got upstairs and he came in with a big smile on his face . " so how r u feeling today ? " He put the food on the table and the packaging from Sam 's food was still on the table . " looks like you got visitors before me there haha " He said opening up the food . " luckily i got us snacks instead of lunch hey " " na ah ! " I shook my head and took it off his hands . " I 'll do that later Dr . Bob " I said giggling putting the bandage under my pillow . He smiled at me and started to munch on the snacks he bought . " want some ? " he handed me the box . I took the banana fritter and started eating it . " Guess what Bob ? " I said chewing on the banana fritter " My sister finally called me " I sighed and swallowed whatever was left in my mouth . " She is going to text me her address and hopefully I can meet her by tonight " Bob smiled and pinched my nose " You are one bubbly person you know that Lyn . It 's so fun just hanging out with you " He placed the box back on the table and handed me a drink he bought . We were interrupted by the noise of horning downstairs . we both looked at each other . " It 's him " I recocginzed the sound of that horn it was from Bill 's Car I was just about to look out my window when Bob stopped me . " let me go down to take a look , please lock your door . If anything happens don 't ever come down okay " He walked out and closed the door behind him . I heard him talking with Zack , Harry and Rico , they were heading off to work already . I looked at the time and it was 3pm . There were missed calls from Bill . I had blocked his number so I didn 't get notifications if he called in . My heart started to beat faster as I heard Bill scream out my name . " Lyn I know you are up there ! " he kept pressing his horn . " She 's not here Boss . " I heard Harry 's voice " She didn 't come home since yesterday . You want to pass a message ? " I heard Bill turn off his engine getting out of the car . OMG please don 't go up here . I was praying really hard he wouldn 't go up to the room . Bob please do something . I quickly hid in the corner beside my bed where there was just enough space for me to fit in . My heart was beating so hard I couldn 't hear anything but my heart . I heard another car pull over in the driveway . " please let that be david " i said to myself . " Hey what 's going on here " I gave a sigh of relief hearing David 's voice and I know if Bill was alone with more than 2 guys around he wasn 't brave enough to do anything stupid . " Anything I can help you with there bro " He said to Bill " you are Lyn 's Boyfriend right ? She 's not here she didn 't come home . I 'll tell her you dropped by okay . " I heard Bill get in the car and drive off . Zack Harry and David were talking downstairs and I heard Bob 's voice as well . He told David what happened last night and always to keep an eye on me just in case Bill came and caused any trouble at the cafe . I felt my breaths get shorter and it was harder for me to breathe . Soon the boys were knocking on my door . Gosh I locked the door ! I tried getting up but It was so hard to get up . I wasn 't able to breathe properly and I just couldn 't move anymore . I felt myself black out and the last thing I heard were the guys calling in for me to open the door . May 19 , 2017The not so Romeo & Juliet Storyadventures , amazing things that happen , cheating men and women , HELP , hidupku , liars die , life oh life , life storyLyn " you okay ? " Sam 's voice was clear on the other line and he sounded sleepy . " I just arrived home and getting into the house . What 's up ? " I didn 't expect him to call me back so fast . " Let 's just text okay " I said not in the mood to talk . I was fiddling with the bed sheet and the corner of my pillow . Sam picked me up from the hostel just after lunch to go look for Grace and we met up with some of her friends there and asked her to text or call me urgently . Sam had reserved a place so we could have lunch together and we spent the rest of the afternoon together just hanging out . He sent me to work and then was off to meet Ryan and his boys . It was a busy day and we were packing for the day and my phone started ringing . It was from an unknown overseas number . " omg Gary ! " I quickly answered the call and it was Gary . " Babe ! how are you ? I 'm going crazy over here without you ! " His voice was so clear and I felt so relieved to hear that voice again . I sat myself down at one of the benches nearby the bar at the cafe . " I don 't think I am able to come back that quick babe . So much to do " I heard him sigh . " I miss you Gary BOy " I said my eyes started to fill up with tears . I was crying and I couldn 't talk . " come back here , I need you " We didn 't talk for long it was 6am there and he had to get to work . He promised to call me back soon . I got up and walked over to where the staff were gathered but they were no longer there . There was a text from Berry and they had already gone ahead without me . Great ! now I had to walk home by myself . Jane , Tim and John hadn 't come by to the Cafe for some time now , have they forgotten about me ? I quickly walked toward the main road hoping I could catch up with the guys . I was shocked to see Bill 's Car parked right in front of the Gate . He was waiting for me . He flashed his lights signalling for me to get in the car . I walked over to the driver 's side and signalled for him to wind the windows down . " I was at the cafe the whole night Lyn , you didn 't notice me ? " His face was serious and he didn 't smile at all . It was really busy and I didn 't even see him the whole night . " who were you talking too on the phone just then huh ? your new boyfriend ? " I was getting annoyed but I tried to keep calm to make sure he would send me back to the hostel and not take me somewhere else . Bill had a temper problem and he would just yell scream hit me if he didn 't like what I said or did . " It was busy Bill , I think you did see me running around like crazy taking orders right ? " I said trying to explain the reason why I didn 't notice he was even there . " And I was talking with Gary boy on the phone , my best friend . I thought I told you about him already . " He didn 't say a word and drove faster . I didn 't like this and started to text Bob . He lived nearby and I didn 't want to disturb Sam at this hour . " Hey , my ex just picked me up from work sd he 's gonna send me back to the hostel but his temper is coming and I might need ur help . Will update you if i need help okay . Don 't call me . " I pressed the send button and took a deep breath . " I thought you 're sending me home Bill ? " I said looking over at him after he missed the junction to the hostel . Still no answer I was really getting restless now . I didn 't care I was getting out of this car no matter what happened . " Bill stop the car or I will jump out I don 't give a damn okay ! " I screamed at him . Still no answer he just kept driving on toward town . He had locked the car from his side but I still could unlock it from my side of the car . I tried my luck again . " STOP THE CAR BILL ! I ' M GOING TO CALL THE COPS ! STOP THE DAMN CAR ! ! ! " I was screaming at the top of my lungs and I was terrified . His dad was a cop and I knew he wasn 't scared . I dialled the first number I could remember . It was Bob 's number he answered the call after 2 rings . " HELP ! ! ! " that was the only thing I managed to say before Bill grabbed the phone off my hands . " No one is gonna help you today Lyn ! " He kept driving on . I didn 't care and I decided I had to take things into my own hands . I pulled hard at the lock and tried to open the door . If I was going to die today it would be better than being in the same car as Bill ! A ghust of wind blew in as I opened the door grabbed my bag and my phone which was on the floor . I took a deep breath and jumped out of the moving car . It was dark and I landed with a thump on the sidewalk and it was odd because there were no cars driving behind Bill 's Car . I had rolled a few times before I could regain control of myself . My head and arms were hurting and I don 't know how I got up but I ran in the opposite direction as fast as I could . I heard Bill 's brakes screech as I ran down the road . I know he couldn 't drive against traffic so I just kept running as fast as I could . I checked my phone and it was still on line with Bob . " Bob help ! ! ! " I was talking and running at the same time . " I have no idea where I am everything is dark . I just jumped out of his car . He just wont stop driving . " I said pausing to look back just in case Bill was crazy enough to drive against traffic " OMG Bob he is coming after me " I said panting really hard now . I crossed the road to the other side so he couldn 't run over me . I was crying and I didn 't recognize anything to find out where I was . " BOB ! ! " I screamed and kept running . then something caught my eye . I read out the first sign board I could see and Bob asked me to find somewhere to hide while he gets there . I couldn 't find anywere to hide so I hid behind a flower bush at the sidewalk right behind the bus stop . My heart thumping so hard it felt like it was going to jump out of my mouth . My arms and my head were hurting and I was feeling dizy . Bob was still on the line . " I 'm nearly there girl just hang in there okay . " I was blacking out and I don 't know if I could hold it any longer . I can hear Bill 's voice calling out and soon I heard his car drive off . " He 's gone … " I said to bob who was still on the line I sighed and felt myself black out . I got up to the vibrating and ringing of my phone . It was Bob . Before I could answer , the call ended and I heard footsteps coming . I held my breath and didn 't move . " Lyn ? " It was Bob 's voice . " Girl it 's me . Where are you ? " I tried to get up but my body was aching too bad to move . " I 'm here " I said as loudly as I can waving my arm in the air hoping he could see me . " Behind the bus stop " I added trying to get up again but it was still no use . " O my God ! " I heard Bob gasp in shock as he walked toward me . " Are you okay ? " I felt my breaths getting shorter I couldn 't talk . I just shook my head and covered my face with my hands . " let 's take you to the nearest Clinic okay " He said helping me up . I couldn 't even get up he had to carry me into the car . " How did you even get in the car with that idiot in the first place Lyn ? " Bob was furious with what happened . " You should have known better . " I didn 't bother answering him because I knew I shouldn 't have went with him in the first place . My whole body was hurting and I had bandages all over my arms and knees and my head . The doctor rubbed on my cuts so hard cleaning it just then to avoid infection . My asthma was just starting and I had to use that breathing technic again to feel better . I was so tired I couldn 't focus on what Bob was actually saying . I held my head between my knees bending over . We were in the car heading back to the hostel . " Can we not go back to the hostel yet Bob ? " I didn 't know what to do next . " no I feel like I got run over by a truck Bob . " I took a deep breath and closed my eyes leaning back on the seat . " Sorry for troubling you and thanks for helping . " I dug into my bag to get some cash and handed it to Bob . " I need to get something to eat " I said grinning at him . " starving … after that then we go home okay ? " He nodded and drove off to the nearest opened stall to pack some food . I waited for him in the car while he packed the burger i asked for . Suddenly I caught a glimpse of Bill 's Car drive past and park just ahead of Bob 's Car . I slid myself down so he couldn 't see me and quickly sent a text to Bob . I saw Bob turn toward me after reading the text and looked around to look for Bill 's Car . Once the burger was done he quickly walked over and got in the car . " He went over to join his friends at the table over there girl , don 't worry he didn 't see me . " He passed the plastic bag with the burger inside and drove off pushing my head down lower so no one could see me in his car . He drove the car to the 2nd beach and we parked there for a while . " Oh My Gosh Bob " I said sighing with relief " How is it we are always at the same place at the same time ? " I said opening the burger to take a bite . I wasn 't able to open the burger package my hands were hurting . " Gosh I hate it when this happens " I pushed the plastic bag back down and leaned back on the seat sighing and looking out the window . Bob grabbed the plastic bag and opened the burger for me . " There " Bob handed me the burger " eat up tell me if you need help okay ? " I started eating and then asked if he had a bottle of water in the car for me to drink . After that he sent me back to the Hostel and helped me all the way up to the room so I could rest . First of all Adrian and Amsyar caught the fever and when I sent them over to the babysitter on Monday I didn 't expect them to be sick because they weren 't acting like they were sick and they were totally fine . Monday evening I got a text from the babysitter saying that both were having a fever and she didn 't want to look after them when they are sick . She was giving a whole lot of excuses so she didn 't need to look after them . She asked me to pick them up the next day after work . I was too tired to argue with her so I just said okay . My sister was working the morning shift so I had to ask help from someone else . when we got there Adrian was awake by himself in front of the TV and the babysitter ? She was sleeping . That was just great ! If you found your kid in that situation what would you have thought ? I really was happy to take them back and look after both by myself not minding to take off for the next few days for my beloved babies . I was not going to leave my kids like that NO WAY ! so there I was asking someone else for help to get my kids and really I hate troubling other people . I needed to get my kids to the clinic A . S . A . P . I had to wait till my sister got back from work to take Adrian to the clinic . amsyar 's fever had gone down but Adrian just got worse . I called the office to inform that I couldn 't come if for work and left for the clinic . After that we just went home had dinner and that was it for that day . My mom arrived the next day and i didn 't get to go with my sister to get her at the airport because the kids were at home . Adrian got better so I went to work on the 10th but on the 11th I had just come in to work for like an hour and I had to go home because Adrian 's temperature had gone up again so there I was again going home off work . The next day I got a message from my Team Leader and she told me that I could take another day off to look after the kids . I was really grateful for that . The weekends came around and the kids got a bit better and then we sent them to the babysitter again on monday . May 17 , 2017The not so Romeo & Juliet Storyadventures , amazing things that happen , cheating men and women , hidupku , liars die , life oh life , life storyLyn " Goal ! ! ! " I stood up in delight and clapped as Chelsea scored another goal . I turned around and Sam was also up he looked at me and we gave each other a high 5 . " Sorry I am like this when I watch a match , even when I am alone . " I grinned and looked around us . The majority of the people at the restaurant were all Man U fans . " oopsss . " I said covering my mouth with my hand , shrugged and sat back down on my seat . I took a sip from my drink and sat down as we continued to watch the match which was in the last half . My phone rang and it was Bob on the line . " Hey girl you free next week my boys and I were thinking of going over to the bar and doing a birthday party for my friend here . Hope you can join us " I marked the date in my important dates on my phone and told Bob that I would text him for any updates . " just a customer at the bar , he wants to book the place for his friend 's birthday next week . I have check the dates so need to give him a call back later to update . " I smiled and kept watching the game when my phone rang again and this time it was my dad . " uh oh " my heart skipped a beat . " what now ? " I didn 't know whether to answer or not . I haven 't found Grace yet and I was scared . I looked over to Sam and he gave me a shrug . " Just answer it . what 's wrong ? " He stood up and went toward the counter i guess to buy cigarrettes . I quickly answered the call . " yes dad , what 's up ? " I wasn 't expecting a good answer and the question that I dreaded suddenly came around . " hey lyn , everything is up except your sister . Have you found her yet . I am getting sick of waiting you know ? " I bit my lip and kept quiet waiting for what he was going to say next . " Why are you quiet ? I know you haven 't even started looking yet . Just mark my words young lady . If you don 't find your sister soon you wont be seing your dad anymore and you have to take my place in looking after your mom , aunt and siblings if i leave okay . " He hung up the call and again I was left looking at the phone in dismay . i felt my eyes swell up with tears . I tried to hold the tears back and lit up a cigarette trying to focus on the game . I saw Ryan looking at me from across the table . I felt him kick my leg and asked me what 's wrong . I just shook my head and continued smoking . I didn 't realise Sam was watching me the whole time . " What happened ? who was that ? " Sam 's question was what i didn 't want to answer . I suddenly felt like crying and I needed to get out of there before they saw the other side of me " sorry guys i have to go . " I stood up and walked toward the nearest bus stop . Before I could reach the bus stop I felt someone pull my arm back . " hey Girl , what 's wrong , you don 't just walk away on people like that okay ? " I was already crying and I didn 't feel like talking so I looked down and just sat myself down at the sidewalk like I always did when I didn 't know what to do . I felt Sam sit down beside me . " You want to tell me about it ? " he said pushing my shoulder with his . " you want to go somewhere else I can go and get the car and we can get out of here okay . " I just nodded I saw him get up and walk off and after a minute I saw his car driving up in front of me . I stood up and went into his car . I looked out the window on my side of the car and focused on the view outside trying to avoid any conversation with Sam . He drove on toward the beach and stopped at the parking lot where Gary always took me . He handed me his cigarrette box and a lighter . I immediately took one stick and lit it looking out toward the beach . " I know what 's going on . " I heard Sam talk after a few minutes of silence . " I can help you look for her you know . " I was shocked . How did he know ? I looked at him in shock and sat up . " don 't ask me how i know okay , i just know . " He smiled and lit his cigarette . I don 't know why but Sam was a guy you can get attracted to quite quickly and yeah I was actually getting attracted to him . I was trying to avoid though because I still had Gary on my mind . " you want to tell me about it Lyn ? " I was getting uncomfortable but since no one was around I thought I could start by telling him what happened just then . I told him what my dad told me and I needed to find my sister as soon as possible . " why don 't we start tomorrow ? " he said suddenly . " Just go to where she works and ask her friends to tell her to call you . she knows your number right ? " I never thought of that . I was actually smiling now and I was feeling better . I sighed as I leaned myself back on the seat and threw my cigarette out the window . " Anyway " I paused , I really wanted to know how he found out my sister ran away from home . " How did you know about my sister Sam ? " I asked him looking him right in the eye . He was fiddling with his phone . He looked up at me and smiled giving me a shrug . " I could see it in your eyes I guess . " He said giggling . " your face shows a whole lot of emotions even if you don 't talk you know . " He added smiling at me . " no Sam , seriously " I was not buying that answer " How did you know ? do you know people I know ? " I was getting more confused every minute . " OMG ! really ? " I covered my face in embarrassment and laughed . " sorry I didn 't mean to drag you into my mess okay Sam . I never thought I would talk about that stuff when I 'm drunk . " I looked down fiddling with my hands and I really was getting restless when suddenly I felt Sam pull my chin up to look at him . " hey chin up okay ? we will find your sister " he smiled at me and patted me on the head " you don 't need to be embarrassed about anything okay and stop blushing " he said laughing . OMG he was really making me blush like heck and I couldn 't help but laugh and looked away from him scared he would see me blush even more . I checked the time on my Phone and it was already 1am and I was getting hungry . " i 'm kinda hungry Sam can we go get something to eat " I said as I put the phone back into my pocket . Before he could answer his phone rang . " she 's fine okay she 's with me and we are heading to Cafe Rio to get something to eat you wanna join ? " It was Ryan he was updating us on who won the match and asking Sam about me . " that was ryan being a worry wart " he said hanging up the call . " he worries about everyone except himself " he started to drive off to Cafe rio and surely there was ryan waiting for us already starting to eat what he ordered . He waved at us with a smile as he continued eating . The roads were busy tonight and yeah as usual Sam held my hand while we crossed the road . I hit him on the shoulder " I am not a kid anymore okay i can cross the road without you holding my hand . " He laughed as he walked toward Ryan and sat himself next to Ryan calling the waiter over for the menu . I didn 't know what to order so I asked Ryan and Sam to order for me . " let 's just order something for the both of us okay " Sam said looking through the menu and pointed to something i never had before . I just nodded and waited for the order to come . " Lyn please don 't walk away from us like that next time . You had me worried just then " Ryan was talking with his mouthful as he chewed on his food and took a sip from his drink . He swallowed his food and started talking again " You know there are no buses at this hour right ? " I didn 't realize that until today because my friends used to look after me like I was a baby and if I ran off they would always come after me and made sure I was Okay . I was laughing at him because he was talking and chewing at the same time . " I am serious okay Lyn don 't ever do that again . " he said pointing his finger at me . Sam was just laughing beside him and shaking his head . " Okay Ryan I wont do that again " I said smiling pushing his pointer away . The food and drinks arrived shortly after that and after we ate Sam asked me if I needed anything else before we went back . Nobody asked me that before , except for Gary that is . I just shook my head and said I was good . We headed home that night and Sam said he was going to pick me up tomorrow afternoon to look for Grace at her workplace . At least now I know that someone was going to help me find Grace . I stared at the ceiling in my room at the hostel with the freddy knife in my hand just looking at it and pushing the blade in and out . The urge to cut myself was so strong that I threw the knife toward the wall and pulled the covers over my head . Gary 's voice suddenly came back into my mind " Don 't you dare think about it Lyn ! put that knife away babe ! " Tears started rolling down my face . " When are you going to call me Gary boy ? I really miss you " I missed everything about him his smile , his laugh , his voice , his hugs and his jokes . I was going crazy just thinking about him . I wonder what he is doing right now ? I reached out for my phone and without thinking I texted sam . May 9 , 2017The not so Romeo & Juliet Storyadventures , amazing things that happen , cheating men and women , HELP , hidupku , liars die , life oh life , life storyLyn " Hey Lyn ! " I turned to see Ryan Running up the walkway from his outlet to the cafe . I had just finished setting up the Cafe and was on the way to Sandbar to open up . " I thought you are off today ? " He was scratching his head as he walked beside me . " There 's a football game today live on TV I know you love football let 's go and watch later after work ? " It made me wonder why he is being like this . Is he asking me out ? Darn I have too man boy problems already . I gave him curios look and kept walking . " Chelsea is playing ? " He said again . Before he could continue I stopped walking and turned to him . " Are you asking me out Ryan ? " He grinned and kept scratching his head . " really ? " I asked as I continued walking . He followed me from behind and walked faster to catch up to me . " I 'll call him later okay Ryan " I said as I walked into the bar to unlock the chillers and check the stock . Ryan was sitting at the stool in front of the bar . " Do you want anything to drink ? What time do you start work anyway ? " I said turning on the hot water for the hot drinks . " Actually I am finished and just about to leave . Yeah can you get me a teh tarik please . The way you always make it ? " He was giving me that cheeky grin again . I didn 't waste time , as soon as the water boiled I made his drink and placed it on the bar in front of him . We were just talking when Berry arrived . " sorry ma ' am I 'm late . The bus was so slow . Hi Ryan " She ran into the bar put her bag on the floor where we kept our bags took the broom and went ot the floor to start sweeping the sand . I just smiled and continued talking toRyan . " Why can 't he just call me or something ? I don 't eat people you know " Ryan actually knew that I was with Bill and he didn 't know I already broke up with him . He just smiled as he enjoyed the drink and soon he left . " what is it with the busses ? " I said as I cleared the sand from the sink and the floor in the bar . I walked to the back area for a smoke and automatically my mind drifted off back into time . " How could you do this Lyn ! Do you know how much I have spent for your fees and this is what you do ? " My dad was furious . My discipline teacher actually called him and told him that he caught me smoking with my school uniform on at a shopping complex . I had my Head of Prefect Blazer on and this caused the school a lot of problems . Not only that he also reported that I had missed school for 3 months and only came during school parliamentary sittings because I was the Chief minister of the school Government . My Dad was working overseas at that time and he only came back once a year for a long holiday . But this time he was coming back in 2 days because the discipline teacher called him . " You are one troubled child Lyn . I wish you were never born " he hung up the call and I was left looking at the phone in dismay . Tears in my eyes I looked over at Gary who was sitting beside me on the sidwalk of the shopping mall where we hung out all the time . " what 's wrong babe ? Why are you crying ? " I didn 't bother answering him . I just looked down resting my head on my arms and knees and cried my heart out . Gary was rubbing my back trying to comfort me . I didn 't feel like talking . I looked up wiped my tears and took a deep breath . " Let 's get out of here Gary boy ! " I grabbed his hand and pulled him up . I could see the confusion in his face . I turned and walked away from him . " Be slow and you 'll get left behind " I said as I walked toward a bus just stopping at the bus stop in front of us . " Hey Lyn ! wait up ! " I heard Gary run from behind . " where are we going ? " i just keptwalking and stopped when he pulled at my bag . " just follow and shut up okay . " i turned around and kept walking into the bus going to the beach . I heard him sigh as he followed me into the bus . I kept quiet all the way to the beach and got off on the 2nd stop where the stalls were . I walked straight to the corn and peanut stall with Gary tagging along behind me . After buying some boiled peanuts I walked over to the small huts at the park just opposite the stalls and took a seat . Gary was still running to catch up with me . " slow down babe ! " Gary was panting by the time he reached me . He sat next to me and took my backpack off my shoulders to put it on the table behind us . " what 's up ? please tell me . I can 't stand looking at you like this babe . " He pulled me closer and put his arm over my shoulders and pulled my chin to make me look at him . I couldn 't talk . I just put my head on his shoulder and cried . " sshhh , tell me babe , what is it ? " He gave me a hug and just held me like that . I didn 't want to talk and soon I had peanuts in my mouth and was looking at the beach watching the waves hit the sand over and over again . " Lyn ? are you okay ? " Gary 's voice broke the silence " you haven 't said a word since we got here . you are getting me all worried . " " i 'm fine " i sighed putting more peanuts into my mouth . " Mr . Zainal reported me to my dad … " I paused " and now my dad wished I was never born . " I felt tears filling up my eyes again so i wiped them away and stuffed more peanuts into my mouth . " I think I 'm suspended Gary boy . " " Is your dad coming ? " he asked me brushing my hair away from my eyes . I just nodded and kept eating the peanuts just looking at the beach . I reached into th plastic to find no more peanuts in the bag . I looked at Gary and smiled at him . I didn 't have to ask . " Okay wait here I 'll get more don 't go anywhere " " Thanks babe you 're the best ! " I said giving him a hug . It didn 't take long for him to come back with more peanuts . I was resting my head on the table and I saw him coming from a distance . " Looks like it 's gonna rain babe . " he said placing the bag of peanuts on the table . I wasn 't listening as usual because I was more focused on the nuts . I kept stuffing more and more nuts into my mouth and just kept eating . Before we knew it the wind started blowing really hard and the rain came down really heavily . We were stuck in the hut and we were both soaking wet . My hair was all over the place and the peanuts were soaked too . I was freezing and kept close to Gary to keep warm . It took about half an hour before the wind died down but the rain didn 't stop . I felt I was going to freeze to death then . I couldn 't bare the cold , if I was too cold I would get my asthma attacks . I was still okay but I was shiverring and I could see the concerned look on Gary 's face . He had seen me when I had my asthma attack and it isn 't easy to see someone sufferring I can tell you that . " Babe you okay ? " he was rubbing my arms and my back with his hands . " You are shiverring like crazy ! " I just nodded and kept hugging him . I saw him grab his phone and soon he was talking to his driver . I always told him i prefer taking public transport but in this weather there was no other option . " Don 't forget to bring some towels and extra shirts . " I heard him say before hanging up . He took his sweater from his bag and handed it to me . " Here put this over yourself and take that wet shirt off " I did as I was told and I felt better having a dry sweater on instead of the wet shirt I had on just then . His driver arrived 30 minutes later bringing some towels and umbrellas and plastic bags . Gary asked him to wait in the car while we got changed at the public toilets . I was still feeling cold after changing and I could hear my breath wheezing . " darn please don 't come " I said to myself as I walked out of the toilet . I saw Gary waiting for me with his umbrella and gave me one so we didn 't need to share an umbrella . I followed him from behind as we looked for his car and his driver . We both sat at the back seat . I could see Gary checking on me from time to time . " You want to stay over at my place babe ? Mom said she 's making steaming hot chicken soup . " The thought of staying home alone at a time like this wasn 't really what I wanted . I just nodded and didn 't say a word . I still had the towel wrapped around me and by the time we reached Gary 's house at the beach side the wheezing of my breathing caught Gary 's attention . " Lyn ? are you okay ? I can hear you breathing . " he said as he opened his door to get out of his side of the car . I got out too and followed him from behind . His mom was at the door and she didn 't look surprised to see me there . " Hi Lyn , how are you ? " She said taking our backpacks and putting them behind the door near the staircase leading up to the bedrooms . " I 'm fine aunty . Sorry for coming without informing . The weather was really bad just then " I said walking in after Gary . He was already sitting at the sofa watching TV . Gary 's mom told us she made us some hot chocolate and will be taking it to the living room for us . It was getting really hard for me to breath so I went to the bathroom . I locked the door behind me and put the toilet bowl cover down and sat down just trying to relax myself and stop myself from getting an asthma attack . Soon I heard Gary knocking on the door . " Lyn ? Babe is everything okay in there ? " How does this guy know there was something wrong ? " yup I 'm fine babe will be out in a bit " I said trying to sound as okay as I could . I quickly flushed the toilet and washed my face making sure I had the cover back up before getting out . I stepped out and surely there he was standing right outside the door just waiting for me to come out . " Everything okay babe ? " I was shocked . I thought you went to watch TV " I said just giving him a nod to his answer . I sighed and walked ahead to the living room and sat myself down on the sofa . " Guys I 'm heading out to go buy stuff for dinner okay just make yourselves comfortable and don 't do anything silly okay . " Gary 's mom walked past toward the door and soon she was gone . I took a sip from the hot chocolate in front of me and watched the tv . " i know you are not okay babe ? " Gary 's was sitting right next to me and drinking his hot chocolate . He rubbed his hand up and down my back . " just tell me if you need anything okay . " I just nodded . I didn 't know what else to say . Suddenly I felt a cold thrill down my back . It was so cold I nearly dropped my mug . " Oh shit ! " I didn 't realise i had said that and Gary who was sitting next to me jumped in shock too . I put my mug on the coffee table in front of me and touched the back of my neck . " OMG ! I just felt something cold go down my back and it hurts like heck ! " I turned to Gary who quickly looked down the back of my shirt . " Hey ! " I pushed him away . " I didn 't ask you to look down my shirt Gary Boy ! " " Sorry I didn 't mean to . I was just checking coz you said it hurt ! Are you okay . " I was already standing up and just pulling at the shirt so the thing could go down and out the bottom . But the pain didn 't go away . It hurt from the neck downward . I grabbed Gary 's hand and put it on the back of my neck . Gary pulled his hand away . " Damn your neck is cold like Ice . " He ran off to get some warm water and a cloth and put it on the back of my neck . It hurt so much that I was crying , I signalled Gary for my inhaler which was in my bag behind the door . He ran over to get it and was back really quick . I wasn 't supposed to use the inhaler anymore but I couldn 't help it because of the sudden shock . I felt the relief after inhaling the first puff . I had to put like 4 puffs before I was feeling okay , but the pain down my neck was so bad I couldn 't talk . Gary had run upstairs to take a thick blanket for me and he had wrapped me up like a cocoon . I couldn 't help but laugh . " how could you laugh at a time like this Silly " Gary was giving me that annoyed look . One of his eyebrows were up and he had this frown on his face . I covered my face with the blanket and just laughed silently . I felt him pull the blanket off my face . " are you okay ? " I just pulled the blanket back over my face and told him to leave me alone . " Go away and drink your hot chocolate or watch TV or something ! " I said enjoying the warmth of the blanket . The pain was still there but it was not as painful as when it just started . The vibrating of my phone in my pocket startled me and I was still sitting at the back area staring at the beach . It was Bill he had been texting me all morning . I pressed the reject button and dialled Sam 's number . " Hey , Ryan told me u wanted to watch the Match later on ? What 's with the message passing dude ? I don 't eat people okay . " I giggled waiting for him to answer . Text Widget This is a text widget , which allows you to add text or HTML to your sidebar . You can use them to display text , links , images , HTML , or a combination of these . Edit them in the Widget section of the Customizer .

Get ready for family , friends , food , and fun - Thanksgiving is only 15 days away ! When tight - knit groups get together , familiar stories often emerge ( whether we want them to or not ) . Which brings us to this week 's question : " I will play ' earn your sewing time . ' Each household task or Christmas event earns me sewing time . And of course , more sewing time is rewarded than the time it took to do the task or event . " - Jean on November 7 , 2012 This was 6 yrs ago right before Thanksgiving ( where we live we don 't have winters ; anyway myself , husband and kids were out at a lake and on one side there was this tree that hung over the water with a rope tied to it . Well the kids dared Mom ( me ) to go first . I grew up doing things like this so what was the big deal . Anyway , my husband pulled the rope back so I could stick my foot thru the loop and wrap the rest of my body around the rope , ready to swing over the water . He pushed me out pretty far , I came back and for some reason he pushed me just a tad harder so I went even further out over the water . . no biggie … didn 't scare … until I turned around in just enough time to scream " PAUL … TREE ! ! ! ! ! " I ended up smacking that tree with my left thigh and hip and hobbled around for 2 weeks but they think thats the funniest thing thats ever happened . My kids will come up behind me and holler " PAUL … TREE ! ! ! LOL And everytime they do I go up behind my husband , Paul , and smack him behind the head . LOL - Maria Carroll on November 7 , 2012 I had just had surgery and returned home and I was on pain pills . We were sitting at dinner and I wanted some more ice tea , so I asked " Please pass the ' pea titcher ' . This happened over twenty years ago and still gets repeated . - Sharon Theriault on November 7 , 2012 My mom , dad , sister and I always take lots of gifts to my brother 's family on Christmas eve . We usually have a car - full that requires several trips to carry them in . One year , I was carrying in presents when one of the kids gave me a gingerbread cookie . Not thinking , I shoved it in my mouth as I was going out to get the next load . I nearly choked before I could get outside . I coughed . I spit . I rinsed my mouth out with a soda . It was the worst cookie I have ever tasted . But , wanting to be polite and not hurt anyones feelings , I didn 't say a word when I went back in . I just carried on as we usually did . But , on the way home , I saw that my sister had one . I told her not to eat it because it was the worst , that I couldn 't get that taste out of my mouth , and something must have gone wrong with them . They gave me the strangest looks . Then , they burst out laughing . Everyone else had been in the house to hear that they were Christmas ornaments . Not cookies ! ! ! And so , being my ever loving and supportive family , they immediately told my sister - in - law about it . So now , they have to remind me ever year not to eat the ornaments … . - Tina on November 7 , 2012 My husband 's family can never let a story die , so this is one they tell over and over . One year at Christmas we were opening gifts and several gifts were packed in bubble wrap . After opening the gifts , the recipients ( and eventually those sitting near them ) sat and popped that bubble wrap endlessly . Eventually , the usually mild mannered me could take it no more , and I tossed a piece of bubble wrap on the floor and jumped up and down on it for a great deal of bubble popping . It shocked and amused them and they will never let me forget it . - Lisa Marie on November 7 , 2012 I have had 2 almost kitchen fires one with chicken one with hash browns . No one was hurt but the stories have humorous moments to others . They tell then every time i mention fry foods - Robin on November 7 , 2012 The story that is told over and over again is how when I was a toddler I fell out of a two story window and landed in our driveway which was two rows of gravel with grass in the middle . Just as I was slipping out the window my dad entered the room and saw me go . He was so afraid for me that he jumped out the window after me . I was fine but my dad hurt his legs but nothing was broken . My family always teases me about it saying that is my excuse for my goofy personality . I am almost 70 years old and they still tease . - Susan Paxton on November 7 , 2012 Right before I got married I tried to get tan so I would not burn in Hawaii . So , I spent a lot of time in the pool area and outside . Between the sun and cholrine my hair turned really white / blonde and so I decided I would dye it darker back to normal for my wedding . I bought the dye kit for DIYers and went home to dye it light brown . It turned Orange from all the chemicals on it and the very next day I was suppose to be on a plane to Hawaii . I quickly looked around for a shop that was open during the evening and they stayed late to fix my hair … rescued But my husband threats to show everyone the pictures of my bright orange hair , and yes we are still married even after he threatens to expose me . - Drayanna Lambert on November 7 , 2012 Every year my kids talk about how I always forgot where I put a Christmas present . I thought I had a good hiding spot so they wouldn 't snoop around and find their gifts before the holidays . I would always find one item at least 3 to 4 months after Christmas in a " special " hiding place . Now that they are older with familes of their own I think they understand ! They also followed the tradition of hiding . Now I 'm older I find I still find some quilt kits and fabric in a " special " hiding place . Some tradition just never go away ! ! Love my quilting ! ! No they didn 't , but that night they wouldn 't come out and I had to wait for them to come unstuck . The reason I used denture glue ; when I first met my husband of 40yrs I had false teeth , ( very young I was ) and we went to a swiming pool on a date . I dived into the pool and my teeth came out and sunk , he swam to the bottom of the pool and retrieved them , I was so embarrased I was not going to let that happen again . So I used an oversized portion of the adhesive . Not a word was spoken at the time , but I could hear him chuckle a lot telling the story to our children . - Raewyn on November 7 , 2012 Well the one we talk about all year is who won the thanksgiving table cloth . See for oh over 10 years now I make a new Thanksgiving tablecloth every year and there are at least oh anywhere from 10 to 21 people at our table for thanksgiving . We , my husband and I decided to take our thanksgiving to one more level and give a way the tablecloth to one of the family / friend members that we are having at our dinner . The hardest thing is trying to come up with a different way of deciding how to choose the winner each year … . . so everyone has a fair shot at it . I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday . . - Sharon Griffith on November 7 , 2012 This is one my brother loves to tell at Thanksgiving and Christmas . When I was about 7 or 8 , I was really into drawing and painting . My parents were so pleased , as not many of my immediate family members were interested in art , and I had even had a few drawings in area competitions at that time . Now , my Mother had just had new carpeting installed in the living room and hallways . ( I can feel peole cringing already ) My brother and I came home from school one day just before Christmas , and my brother noticed a shopping bag at the top of the hall closet while hanging up his jacket . I insist this was his idea although his story leads you to believe it was mine . Anyway , I climbed up on his shoulders , and tried to pull the bag down so we could see if it contained gifts for us . I dropped it , and we heard the sound of glass breaking . We stood motionless for a few seconds , and then we picked up the bag , only to find that several glass jars of paints had broken , and had seeped out onto the new carpeting ! - Karen on November 7 , 2012 When I was about 15 I decided to try making chocolate covered ants . I figured I would put the ants in boiling water and then cover them with chocolate . I told my brothers and they all gathered around . I didn 't tell my parents who were in the next room watching tv . I went outside and got a jar of ants and got the water boiling . Ants are fast and when I opened the jar to throw them in the water they all ran out and scattered all over the kitchen . My brothers started laughing hysterically as I tried to round up the ants and my mom came out to see what was going on . She had an hysterical fit and told me to get the ants out of the house . That , of course , was impossible . - Marlene on November 7 , 2012 Every year I make all my siblings something for them of their house . I always call their husband to get some helpful details so I can custom make an item . Example - dimensions of kitchen table , length of mantle , colors in family room , etc . and then I design something to fit exactly . For a while the wives couldn 't figure out how I could custom make something being so far away . Now they try to get details out of their husbands the whole month of Dec . to try to figure out what I will be making this year . Hubbies never tell ! - Rosemary Krupski on November 7 , 2012 My daughter was in a Bible tournament one year . A door was slammed into her right wrist and broke it . During the tournament she was at a point where she interrupted the question and had to finish the question then give the answer to it . She was laughing so hard she almost didn 't make the time limit . The question was " If thy right hand offends thee , what should you do ? " With her right hand in the cast she said , " Cut it off . " The entire group of pastors , young adults , siblings and parents broke into laughter . - Vickie - Tucson on November 7 , 2012 When we first married I insisted on going frog - gigging with my husband and his brother . They would gig a frog , cut off its legs and throw the body back into the lake . I finally asked why they threw the body back into the lake and my husband told me that it would grow new legs . Being from a small town and not having ever went frog - gigging before so I believed him . My parents came to my husband 's farm for a family Thanksgiving and when I told them about going frog - gigging they listened and when I got to the " growing back new legs " I thought the dining room had exploded with all the laughter . They do not grow new legs ! So they have a lot of fun reminding me of my gullibility . - S Gilmore on November 7 , 2012 When I was three we lived in a upper level duplex . My younger brother who was an year and a half was trying to open the door to go outside . Being the caring sister , I opened the door to let him out . Of coarse he fell down the entire flight of stairs . Family lore has it that I pushed him down the stairs ! - Tonya Reichard on November 7 , 2012 My sisters and I are very close , even though we each live in a different state . I am in Kansas City area , my little sister is in the St . Louis area and our older sister is in the Denver area . My little sister drove to my house and at 10 : 30 PM we loaded up our little boys and headed to Denver to see our older sister . We stopped to go to the bathroom at the Green Lantern Truck stop in Salina KS . We were driving a big van . Our sons , age 6 and 4 were sound asleep . We got out locked the doors and ran in quick . My nephew who was 6 opened the side door after we had went in and he decided he was going to the bathroom . We came out , I unlocked the doors and we climbed in and went on our way . Her son had been slreeping on the back seat way in the back we thought they were fine and still sleeping . We were pulled over by the Highway Patrol just east of Hays Kansas . We had no idea why we were being pulled over , ( I wasn 't speeding ) . He said he was looking for 2 red heads that left a little boy at a truck stop in Salina Ks . We both turned our heads to look back in the Van . Sure enough my son was there and hers was gone ! ! ! We about died . He said the Local police were with him at the truck stop . He radioed and told them we were on our way back . ( almost 2 hours away ) . When we got there we were a mess of emotions . We were told by the Highway Patrolman who was waiting with him these unforgetable words … . . He only knew he was going to see his Aunt . Didn 't know which way on I - 70 we had been going . He said we were 2 red headed ladies and one forgot to shave her legs . ( I had mentioned this on the way that I needed to shave my legs and wouldn 't you know it he picked up on that ! ! ) . We talk about this all the time . He is now 32 yrs old and he always brings this up at holidays . Now days it would have been more dangerous ! We never did that again . We were very lucky he was ok . - Janel Borg on November 7 , 2012 When I was about 6 years old . I went to the corner store to buy some candy . I exited the store on the wrong side and got lost . I don 't remember what happened after that , but my parents and family tell me that I was found sleeping in the couch of an entrance to a " Bordello " . The Ladies called the police and was taken to the police station , where my father came to pick me up . In every family gathering , the story is always mentioned by a family member . - Paula on November 7 , 2012 I was born and raised mostly in the south , however I don 't like , nor do I eat grits . While visiting a Georgia family of eight friends of mine , I decided to surprise everybody and cook breakfast . I made bisquits from scratch , turned the oven on to heat , started frying bacon and sausage and cracking the eggs to scramble , then I measured out what I thought to be enough grits for 8 people and one for the pot . While the children were setting the table , I popped the biscuits in the oven and started filling the serving dishes . When I was asked , what was in the three large stew pots , I replied grits . I didn 't know , grits swelled and I had cooked nine cups of grits . I was told , they were delicious , just the right texture and buttery flavor , and I was always welcomed to cook breakfast , but somebody else would cook the grits . Just for the record , the family had second ( and third ) helpings ; the hounds , chickens , and wild birds ate ; and the ants carried off the rest . Nothing goes hungry around me . Keep smiling , - Lynnita Shipman on November 7 , 2012 I still get teased about blowing up the green bean casserole ( a favorite of my family ) the last time I had Thanksgiving at my house . I had just taken the casserole out of the oven and put it on top of the stove ( not realizing the electric burner was still on . ) A few minutes later , the green bean casserole blew up leaving bits of glass and green beans in the squash casserole and all over the floor . The hot glass burned holes in my new vinyl flooring . Of course , nothing would do , but that I had to put another green bean casserole together before my family would sit down to eat ! My best friend and I were at a water slide park with a large group of friends and family . One of the slides was a gigantic one with inner tubes designed to hold two people . People waited for the next available inner tube at a pool at the bottom of the slide . So - for some unknown and insane reason my friend I decided to go on the slide together . Keep in mind , we are both , ahem , on the larger side . After huffing and puffing our way up the hill to the top , we started having second thoughts and asked the teenaged attendant if it was safe . He said " Sure ! " After he heaved us over the barrier at the beginning of the slide , we picked up unbelievable speed and started screaming . Our family and friends could hear us far below at the pool as we screamed at the top of our lungs all the way down the slide ! When we reached the bottom , instead of daintily dropping out of the end of the slide and into the pool , we SHOT out and skipped over the top of the water , and all the waiting people scattered to get out of our way . We slammed into the wall on the other end of the pool and looked around to see all these incredulous open - mouthed people . My friends daughter yelled " Mommy , I want to go with YOU next time ! " - Cornelia on November 7 , 2012 Several years ago our family Thanksgiving was a very small group due to recent moves , etc . It fell on my nephew Jason to play " man of house " and to handle the turkey . He was more then competent to do this as he had worked in the upscale food industry for years . When it was time to take the turkey from the roaster to the platter he prepared to do that while I stood ready with the platter . What we didn 't realize was that the turkey was very done and that I should have been a lot closer and faster with the platter . When Jason lifted the turkey my Mom pulled the roaster away but before I could get the platter under it the majority of the turkey simply fell away and landed on the floor . Jason was left with the lifting forks and his mouth hanging wide open . Mom and I exchanged horrified glances , the turkey had virtually carved itself when it landed and was not whole anymore ! My Mom kept a VERY clean kitchen so with only a moment 's hesitation we put the turkey back on the platter , arranged it attractively and served it . We didn 't say anything at the time to the guests and felt a little guilty when they complimented how moist and tasty the turkey was . It wasn 't until our Xmas gathering that we finally revealed the big secret of the turkey and it has been a source of laughter for us ever since ! My husband , a Marine from Utah , and I were driving from California to our duty station in Tennessee when we ran into an awful storm - rain , wind , sleet ! I reached up and put my hand on the car windshield and my puzzled husband asked what I was doing . I told him I was checking the " Windshield Factor " … - Leslie O . on November 7 , 2012 I was the only female in a NAVMTO Cargo Handlers Unit and just prior to muster , I was looking at all the men to the right and left of me . One asked what I was looking at , and my sincere reply was " Do you guys know , all your chests are bigger than mine ? " At that precise moment , the flag went up , the Star Spangled Banner was played , and the men were having a hard time restraining themselves from laughing . When the " At Ease " command was given , my arms got hit by the two men next to me and unfortunately for them , our Commanding Officer saw it . When asked why , I , in a very serious voice , claimed to be hit all the time and showed a bruise on my arm . It took me a while to convince my CO , I was only kidding and the bruise was from something else when he was going to put the two men on report . When I told him , what I had said just prior to the " Call to Colors " , his reply was , " Shipman , I would 've hit you too . " Keep smiling , moment , the flag started going up and the Star Spangled Banner was played . The men were having a hard time surpressing laughter . When the command of " At ease " was given , I got punched on both arms . Unfortunately the two men were seen by our commanding officer and when asked , I jokingly said , " Oh I get hit all the time " and showed the bruises on my arms . Our CO was going to write the two men up and it took me quite a while to convince our CO , I was joking ( a trait of mine ) and the bruises occurred elsewhere . When our CO learned the turth , he looked me square in the eye and said " Shipman , I would 've hit you too . " - Lynnita Shipman on November 7 , 2012 Every Thanksgiving I make the pumpkin pies for dessert ( I now make 6 - 8 pies due to the size of the family now ) . And every year I get asked if I remembered to put the sugar in the mix - all because one year when I was only 8 years old I forgot to add the sugar . You 'd think after 47 years of making the pies I learned my lesson . Will they ever forget this ? ? - Sue Fender on November 7 , 2012 We had recently moved into an apartment with a swimming pool right outside our door . I was dressed up to go out ; heels and all . As we stepped out the door , my brother in law gave me a shove . It was just enough to throw me off balance and send me stumbling towards the pool . I reached down to catch myself from going into the pool . The guys say I teetered on the edge of the pool - back and forth - so long that they were taking bets on whether I would fall in or not . Eventually , my hind - end merged with gravity and I went in and under all the way . Needless to say , I looked like a drowned rat . Of course each time the story is told , the shove gets less and less and I teeter longer and longer . But I got the last laugh when they had to wait on me to get dressed up again . - Marie on November 7 , 2012 There was a time that I bought a pair of tennis shoes off the clearance rack for $ 10 . 00 ( a great deal when they were orignally $ 60 - this was more than 20 years ago when sneakers were affordable ) . I made a comment to my family on how comfortable and great fitting they were . My sister wanted to try them on and discovered that one of the shoes was a size 9 and the other a size 10 . So now everytime I buy a new pair of tennis shoes and someone in the family notices the " new shoes " they always ask if both shoes are the same size . You know , to this very day , they were still the most comfortable " pair " of shoes I ever owned ! - Sue Fender on November 7 , 2012 When I was a young girl , MATH seemed as if it was invented soley to punish me . I hated it ! I didn 't get it and I thought it was both boring and hard at the same time . Once while doing my homework , out of sheer frustration , I shouted " I can 't wait until I grown up - then I will NEVER have to do math again ! " Of course , My Mother and older sister laughed . Also , something I said frequently when young was that I couldn 't wait to grow up and " not have to do anything I did not want to . " ( This was usually in response to having to do the dishes . ) My sister REALLY loves reminding me of this at Thanksgiving when I insist on me , and only me , hand washing my China . To make both of these stories even better ! ? I grew up to have three children who don 't like to do the dishes ANd I am an accountant . ( Guess I finally figured out that Math thing ! ) - Lisa on November 7 , 2012 they love to tell about how I threw a temper tantrum when I was about 5 - 6 years old . There werent enough little babies in the family 's baby Easter parade , so they included me . I wanted none of it . There is movie film of me being hauled along with my mom on one arm and my aunt on another , with me screaming and all red in the face . They tell it to prove the point that I was spoiled . Of course , none of them had to be in the parade …… . - Madeline on November 7 , 2012 Once when going through a dinner buffet line at a restaraunt , next to the jello was this big , beautiful bowl of what I thought was banana pudding or some sort of pineapple dessert . I took a nice big spoonful on my plate . Part way through the meal just I was getting ready to put a spoonful in my mouth , my husband said " your not going to eat that are you ? " I replied , " Yes ! " . After placing the bite in my mouth I realized it was whipped butter . This happened over 26 years ago and we still laugh over that story . He tells it every time he can get a chance to . - Bonnie on November 7 , 2012 My birthday is October 31 . One day I was up set and crying and I called out to my sister you 're the little Queenie and I 'm the little Witch . My Mama said that 's right you are my little witch . Needless to say that made me madder than I was . When we got older we set back and laugh about it . My Mama always called me her little witch . - Paula on November 7 , 2012 Like Lisa , MATH wasn 't my favorite subject either , and I 'd constantly tell my parents and teachers , who needs fractions ? All I needed to know , was how to read , write , add , subtract , multiply , and divide . Fractions wasn 't something I needed to know because I 'd never use them . THEN , I became a Quilter . Out there , are numerous math teachers rolling over in their graves laughing . I did accounting work too . - Lynnita Shipman on November 7 , 2012 When all four of my children were still at home ( in the 80 's ) the oldest was 16 and the youngest 6 we went on a vacation to the Smokey Mountains . It was the first time we had ever been there and this was prior to GPS and google maps . I had a Rand McNally map of the states for directions . In looking at the map i saw that there was a back entrance to Cade 's Cove which was much closer to where we were staying then going to the " front " entrance . If you have never been to North Carolina and on their back roads they are literally one curve after another . After searching for this " back entrance " to Cades Cove for over an hour and all 4 of my kids sick to their stomach and my oldest daughter who gets motion sickness in a car with a migraine and ready to throw up we finally stop and ask about where this is located and we are told that is not a public entrance it is an employee entrance only . My kids always remind me of this nauseating adventure when we reminisce about their childhood . We made it to Cades Cove another day using the front entrance and fell in love with the place . - Patricia Garcia on November 7 , 2012 My Mother 's family homesteaded the area I 'm from , in Michigan . My Grandmother , Mother and 9 siblings and Me and my two sisters all went to the same 1 room school house . Our community winter block sledding party 's consisted of a five mile square of families . We had 50 + at our Thanksgiving dinners in a rented hall . [ Family ] . My sister and I are moving back to Michigan next May . Even thought we go home every year to visit , it will great to be there forever . - Sally Hennessee on November 7 , 2012 As I was opening Christmas gifts a number of years back , I received salt and pepper shakers that were the small ball canning jars . I loved them but my first question was " I wonder how we will tell which one is salt and which is pepper ? " . My husband looked at me and said " I think we will be able to " see " that the salt is white and the pepper is black . " Haven 't lived this one down and we still laugh about it alot . - Di on November 7 , 2012 When my daughter was about 5 years old she was having a discussion with her 6 year old cousin about Parent 's Favourite Sayings . Matthew said his father ( my brother ) always says " Don 't insult my intelligence , Matthew " to which my daughter Deborah responded " Mum always says ' I 'll just finish this block ' " . Thirty years later they still laugh about it … and I am still ' just finishing a block ' ! - Susanne Baker on November 7 , 2012 It 's a long one but right to the punchline . I had 6 rolls of freezer paper in my hand in line at the grocery store . The man behind me asked what I did with that and I told him that I used it in my sewing , my applique . He reached into his pocket and slapped a badge on the counter saying , " I 'm a police detective . I had to ask . You have enough to wrap a body . " Quickly I snatched the tray out of the oven and blew out the flames , but then the smoke starting rising towards the smoke detector ! Well , how better to contain the smoke than putting it back into the oven ? Yes , in hind sight , it would have been better if I 'd turned the grill off first … . - Kayt on November 7 , 2012 When we were newlyweds 38 + years ago , my parents showed some old family movies of my brother 's and my growing - up years . In one , I am wearing orange pedal pushers and red knee socks ( or maybe it was the other way around - I don 't remember for sure ! ) . I was maybe 7 or 8 at the time - before I was in 4H and learned about what colors " don 't " go together , etc . ( wardrobe rules were a lot more rigid in the 1950s ) . Since I am now very particular about what colors and fabrics I put together in my wardrobe ( and red plus orange is NOT one of the combinations I would Ever wear ! ) , my husband picked up on that , and is still teasing me about it all these years later ! - Charlotte Trayer on November 7 , 2012 The time I was 12 and my younger sister was around 6 . I had been sent outside to pull weeds and my sister was playing with a friend , when the friend started yelling at her and pushed her into a puddle . I walked over , pick up the little girl and sat her in the puddle and told her , ' now stay there until you can apologize . ' That little girl never moved for over an hour before she finally said she was sorry ! - Susan Grancey on November 7 , 2012 I have always had extremely vivid dreams that were usually very strange , but rarely scary . My husband is a high school coach and works very long hours during his sports seasons . One night he came home and I had been asleep for a good while . He said I sat straight up in bed and told him quite forcefully , " You CAN ' T make tomato soup without TOMATOES ! " Then I laid my head down and went back to sleeping quietly . Just about every time we have anything to eat that involved tomatoes , that story gets repeated , so my kids have heard it many times over the years , and they 've taken to repeating it to their friends . I am the famous Tomato Soup lady . After watching The Wizard of Oz , I became fascinated with the apple trees that threw their fruit at Dorothy and her friends . I decided to do my own version of the story . So , with the help of my trusty puppy , I picked some unripe hard green apples from our small orchard and climbed the Maple tree out front to throw them at the mailman when he delivered the mail . He was my only available target since we lived way out in the country , and there was NO traffic . It was difficult climbing the tree one - handed , since I had to carry my little dog too . I put the apples in my T - shirt ( the T - shirt with the skunk on front that said " I 'm a little Stinker ) rolled it up and held it between my teeth , climbed with my right hand , and held Patches in my left hand … . Mom did not have any idea what was about to happen … it was a HOT summer day , and she was in the back summer - kitchen ironing in her underwear since it was too hot to even get dressed . This was the 1950 's and there was no air conditioning . Plus , like I said we lived in the middle of nowhere - no traffic ) I was so excited as I saw the mail man approaching … this was going to be FUN FUN FUN … The problem came when I realized I didn 't have enough hands to do it all - I had to let go of the dog to throw the apples … he fell pretty fast , and as I would tell my Dad later … he yelped and cried like a baby & got me in trouble ! He wasn 't actually injured , but looking back - I am sure he was terrified . When my mother heard him yelping , she came running out to see what happened , imagining some horrific accident . I have always maintained it was NOT my fault she ran out in her underwear ! The mailman seemed to get a big laugh out of it . I just couldn 't see whay she was mad , adn the mailman was so happy ! I was sent to my room for that , like all the other things that seemed to happen when I was a child growing up on the farm . Once again , I got in BIG TROUBLE … which was my nick name . As I heard dad coming up the stairs to my room that evening , I prepared my defense . The funny thing - Lorry Kirschner on November 7 , 2012 When I was about 7 I was staying with family friends for dinner . The wife asked what vegetable I would like and I said green beans was my favorite . When the green beans were passed at dinner time I served myself two green beans . The wife said I thought green beans were your favorite vegetable and I replied yes I served myself two . Usually I only have one vegetable . For some reason my family repeats that every time vegetables are passed at meals . - Ellen on November 7 , 2012 One of our family 's fav stories is the time my husband bought a bag of liberty of London fabric for me for my bday and hid it in a seldom used dining hutch . When I went to make a holiday dinner - I found it and thought - OMG - I must have bought this hiding it from my husband so he didn 't find out I was buying $ 22 / yd ( at the time - now its $ 32 / yd ) fabric . So without looking at it too closely ( I was in the middle of making a big dinner ) - I hid it in my stash ( then promptly forgot about it ) . So my bday comes up and my husband says - Well I did get you $ 100 worth of Liberties - but they seem to have disappeared from their hiding place - LOL ! ! The light bulb went off and I remembered - they were still in the bag - so it was still a nice surprise - and a good story ! - Nina - Marie on November 7 , 2012 When I was three , my grandfather died . While at the drugstore with my dad I disappeared , my dad called m mom and said " we 've got a problem … I lost Julie " . My mom went into a panic attack , because she 'd just lost her father and told my dad " you better not come home unless she 's with you " After closing the store and 45 minutes later I was found hiding under a cash register with a box of tobacco ( for a smoking pipe ) , because I thought that would bring him back to life . It 's been a FUNNY story with the family for over 40 years . - Julia on November 7 , 2012 Several years ago after a family dinner , I was cleaning up in the kitchen and everyone else was at the kitchen table playing games . I opened the cabinet under the sink and screamed ! There was a mouse in a glue trap looking up at me with those beady eyes . He scared me to death ! Everyone else enjoyed a good laugh . - Debbie Fowler on November 7 , 2012 When I was in my teens I had a big fight with my mom When I stormed out of the room I accidentally stepped in the wastepaper basket in the corner , which ended up getting stuck on my foot . I was mortified ! My sisters were rolling on the floor in hysterics . Today , 50 years later , my sisters still go into hysterics every time they tell someone this story and they tell it as often as they can ! - lindawwww on November 7 , 2012 My aunt had a heavy German accent . When I went to visit her in downtown Pittsburgh , she said that I should not go out in the alley because there was a " draft . " However , with her accent , and being only 5 years old at the time , I thought she said giraffe . I was constantly at the window looking for the giraffe . When I finally expressed my dismay at not seeing the animal , everyone figured out what had happened . I have never lived this down ! - Joyce Mosby on November 7 , 2012 My family and friends are great storytellers , and they remember incidents and occasions I don 't . One of their favorite stories is about the time I was a patient in the hospital after having my kidney removed . I felt so good after getting that thing out of me , I couldn 't stay in bed and rest . To fill my time I rearranged the hospital room so there would be space for my visitors . All the plants and tables had to be relocated to the long empty wall . The chairs were moved closer to the bed . When visitors stopped by , we all felt more " at home . " It was a wonderful time to celebrate life ! ! ! - VickiGene on November 7 , 2012 I come a family with 6 kids and I 'm the baker in the family . When I was in high school my newest thing was making homemade bread . It usually came out pretty good except one time . I took the bread out of the oven and was letting it cool . My brothers went to cut it and was unable to . That thing was harder than a brick . I was told by them we could use it as a doorstop . Some 30 odd years later I have not lived that down . - Marilyn R on November 7 , 2012 Every holiday or family get - together this story would always get brought up : When I was about 3 years old , my brother , who was about 10 at the time , apparently made me very angry and I bit him in the behind . I knew what was coming when my Mom or Dad would say , " You remember the time when Jan got so angry ? " Ugh ! - Janice Prunier on November 7 , 2012 My father in law made the best smoked turkey . When we returned from our honeymoon , he had left a smoked turkey in our refrigerator . That evening , we ate turkey sandwiches and I remember dreaming about eating one during my sleep . . . I awoke when I heard my husband say , " YEOW , That 's my ear ! " . . . I pretended I was still asleep . Course now , every time someone talks " turkey " my family shares this story ! - Donna Whittle on November 7 , 2012 Once when I was quite little , my parents were having a big argument over money . I was really upset and worried , so I solemnly told them that when I was older , I was going to bring them a back pack full of money . They never let me forget . - Joanne Lenigan on November 7 , 2012 Until high school i lived on a farm . Once a month my mom would drive all five kids to town and we would get some pizzas and soda . Truly a treat then . One time mom decided to eat in the car , so she asked me ( im the oldest ) to go in and order the pizzas and bring it back to the car . There where some things that I wasnt sure what they where . But the man said they where good so I said " sure , put them on " . When I took the pizzas out to the car my three brothers dug right in . By this time it was dark , so we where all eating in the moonlight . When one of my brothers says , " yuck my pizza has hair on it " My mother turned on the car inside light and looked at the pizza . There where anchovies all over it . They really where yucky . To this day my brothers will bring up this story . - Lori Smanski on November 7 , 2012 When my children were growing up I sewed a lot of their clothes ( until they came to the age where they were more embarrassed by that fact and wanted clothes from shops ) . I used to sew in the evenings once they were all in bed ( my best designing and productive moments ) . I often had items completed and would place them at the foot of their beds with notes saying that the " Sewing Fairy " had come and left these especially for them . When my daughter ( the middle child of 3 ) got a to be a teenager and acquired a taste for clothes that were in fashion and trendy I told her that some of these were out of range of the family budget . I suggested that she could start sewing her own clothes . She quickly replied that maybe the Sewing Fairy could whip up a few things ? … ; 0 ) - Marion on November 7 , 2012 Every Thanksgiving was ALWAYS at Mom 's house . She was such a wonderful cook , she never , ever made a bad dish , ever . One year my lovely Sister - in - law and I decided to give Mom a much needed hand with the cooking . One dish we thought we could produce equal to Mom 's was her Cranberry salad . Its really and easy recipe , strawberries , cranberries , some jello , and a couple of other ingredients . But , as simple as it was , we seemed to have messed up , BIG TIME . That year everyone complained about our traditional cranberry salad . Believe me , as simple as it was , we still don 't know what went wrong . This story was continously repeated each year , my Sis - in - law and I have never lived it down . And neither one of us have ever attempted to make that cranberry salad again . Sadly , Mom is no longer with us , and neither is her salad . - Jaan L on November 7 , 2012 My cousins in Iowa like to tell the story of when I , the California cousin , came to the midwest to visit our grandparents and treated the farm animals like pets . They howl when they remember that Grandma let me bring a chicken in the house to watch tv with me . What I remember is that a couple of days later when we were having dinner , Grandpa teased me that it was " Snowy " . Grandma reassured me that my favorite hen wasn 't on my plate . I wonder if that is why I have been a vegetarian for 20 years . - Beth T . on November 8 , 2012 A friend of mine and I were visiting all the winerys in Napa Valley , CA , and at each one , we 'd sample all thier white wines . He had given me strawberry wine coolers ( 7 % alcohol ) , to drink at my leisure , in route to our original destination . I never had wine coolers before . At the last winery , I thought , I asked the barkeeper for a sample of his white wine . In actuality , I asked for WEISS WIND . Until the day , my friend died , he would , on any occasion , ask me if I wanted some " weiss wind " and laugh . I miss him . - Lynnita Shipman on November 8 , 2012 I always start my Christmas shopping early , purchasing things on sale I know people like , most go into my bedroom closet . A few times we will be passing outand opening gifts and I will remember something I had not wrapped , sometimes even a part of a gift . Now someone always asks if everything is under the tree before we start opening . - It doesn 't always help and I still find little stocking stuffers in a bag in the bottom of the closet - Then everyone gets New Years presents ( a few older members are suspicious ) . - ELIZABETH CROSS on November 8 , 2012 To make a good paella , when it is time to cook the rice , you have to fry it a few minutes in oil before pouring the water . I repeated that to my husband since we met ( He 's a man from the North and , obviously , I come from a little further in the South ) . One day , 20 years ago , when we were just married , I prepared a paella for him , my brother and some friends . I let my brother with the paella cooking , told him to stop the fire after 30 mn and went to the station to greet our friends . My brother , lost in a book , forgot about the cooking and when my husband came back from work , the paella was burnt beyond salvation . They tried to make another , remembered the bit about the need to fry the rice , but forgot that , after friying , you have to put water with saffron in it ! The paella was uneatable … And now , family and friends always tell how I make paella without water … How unfair is that ? - Mary Chevalier on November 8 , 2012 I offered to go to the cemetery with my friend on Memorial day to give her support . Our timing was such that there were a lot of her relatives at the same grave sight . I was over come by sadness and had to make a discreet exit to the car . Since then I 've been dubbed the town crier . - Lee Suski on November 8 , 2012 Many years ago when we lived in California , my husband called and asked if I would like him to bring dinner home from a fish restaurant called Delaney 's . I had a very long day and was tired and I said I wasn 't very hungry but clam chowder sounded good . When he arrived home with the clam chowder I opened it to find it was the New England and not the Manhattan . We never ate the New England , we only ate the Manhattan . So I said I 'll take it back . When I got to Delaney 's I was greeted by the Mater Dei , I explained the problem . He insisted my husband must have asked for the New England . I told him no , we don 't like the New England … he kept insisting . Finally , I threw the container at him and when it hit his chest it popped open and soup spilled down his black tie and white shirt . My husband and family never let me live this down - Mary Ann on November 8 , 2012 This is a Thanksgiving story that always brings laughter , of the year when our oldest daughter Anji was almost two . My parents were coming from Kansas City and I was preparing our 20 pound turkey . It was frozen solid and I did not have time to thaw it out , so I figured I could just rub it with oil , season it and lay it in a large pan with celery and onions and close the oven door . I was not aware that when our house was built the oven was not secured into the wall as it should have been , so when I went to check on the turkey a while later , I pulled the rack out a little farther so I could baste it . Our little daughter was in the adjoining dining area next to the kitchen . Suddenly , I realized the oven was starting to tip out of the wall from the weight of the turkey on the extended rack . Before I could think , the pan was falling with the still partially frozen turkey being launched across the kitchen , sliding on the floor and proceeding into the dining room ( hardwood floors ) where it stopped right at the feet of our sweet child who was shaking and screaming in horror at the giant bird coming her way . I watched this happening as if in slow motion and was shaking right along with her . A few minutes later , after calming the two of us down , I saw a trail of grease , celery stalks and turkey skid marks to clean up before Mom and Dad arrived several hours later . Thankfully , I was calm enough to shove the oven back into the wall , clean the bird off , and put it back in the oven and continue the cooking process … this time , not pulling the rack quite so far out of the oven . The turkey turned out great along with the rest of the meal , but needless to say , my husband secured the oven into the wall the next day . - Pamela Zajicek on November 8 , 2012 My story would be the time I was sick in bed when I was a teenager . I don 't remember what I had but I felt bad and was taking medicine . On one of those days my mom came in my room and woke me up . She told me she was going to the grocery store and was there anything I wanted her to get for me . I sat up in bed and said " Yes will you get some Ceek " . She looked at me weird and said " You want what ? " I said " Ceek … . can you get some ceek ! " Now keep in mind I can hear what I am saying and it sounds right to me . Then my mom said " I don 't know what you are talking about . " By then I was getting frustrated and said " You know Ceek … . you pour it in a glass and drink it ! " I said this while doing the hand motions of pouring a drink in a glass . My mom then said " Oh do you mean Coke " and I said " Yes , that 's what I said . " I looked at her like she was crazy . In my mind I was thinking Ceek was the past tense of Coke ! ! That was over 30 years ago and still gets brought up occasionally . - Pam on November 8 , 2012 I have the type of coloring that usually gets red before tanning and always admire people who have really nice tans . One time my former husband and I went to the beach and someone was being friendly to us . I commented on the girls tan saying " she had such a nice tan " . Both her and my husband gave me a look of you got to be kidding . I didn 't get it right away but found out the girl was from African decent . I am not at all prejudice just thought she had a really nice tan . - Grace Capuano on November 8 , 2012 I was a new bride and prepared my first Thanksgiving meal with my inlaws and my parents in attendance . The turkey came out of the over looking like a " Betty Crocker " moment and was just THE perfect picture of how a turkey should look . As my dad carved the turkey a bit of white started peeking out and I 'm not referring to the " white " meat . LOL . When the cut was completed low and behold there before my horrified eyes was a plastic bag that had cooked in the turkey . It was the giblets ! What was amazing was that the bag had not melted and the giblets had cooked ; fed those to the cat . I had not been able to find any giblets in the breast cavity of the turkey so figured they were not included . It never occurred to me to look at the other end of the bird and not just the end you stuff . That turkey was the moistest and most flavorful turkey I had ever cooked . Needless to say each year I receive a phone call to ask if I checked the turkey at both ends to make sure the giblet bag had been removed . - Terri Drake on November 8 , 2012 The often repeated story here is how my husband and I got engaged . We had only been dating a few months , hadn 't talked about getting engaged . We went to his family reunion in Victoria , B . C . and the day of the dinner his sister , who was at that time working at Birks Jewellers , convinced him he should be looking at rings as the price of diamonds was good right then , so we went in to humour her . While we were looking , her manager told her to show us a recently returned ring ( not loved by the recipient ? ) . It was very nice , a cluster of 13 small diamonds . The manager told me to try it on , and lo and behold , it fit perfectly ! He then proceeded to tell my then boyfriend , he could use his sister 's discount , and since it fit why not take it now and settle with his sister later ? And suddenly we were engaged ! ! We were married two months later and just celebrated 35 years of marriage ! He jokes now that it was actually his sister who proposed to me , not him ! ! - Cher Merriman on November 8 , 2012 The story is about me being in our first home video when I was 8 , and had a retainer and told a story of our dog getting into a present of Chocolates . " Chocolates " sound horrible when you have a retainer in . I hate it , and everyone laughs . - Karrie Smith on November 8 , 2012 Our family used to switch being hosts for the Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners . One year it was our turn . Mom wanted to serve warm apple cider after dinner so she proceeded to warm it up and serve it . Wish you could have seen the looks on everyone 's faces when they took a drink . She accidently put the olive juice in the pan and heated that up instead of the apple cider . We all got a real laugh out of that and everyone always wanted to know if she put the apple cider in the pan after that . - Daisy C . on November 9 , 2012 The one thing that I make sure we do on Thanksgiving around the table … is after we have a reflection time of each one saying what they are ( one thing ) thankful for … then I pull out a questionnaire about Thanksgiving and let them answer my questions . Some are easy and others are hard . The ' prize ' is an antique candy cane … sometime in the late 1900 's ( I think ) . they all know what the prize is … but you know how competitive people can get … just to be the winner . - Suz on November 9 , 2012 Several years ago , a tenant in my apartment building began throwing his possessions out his windows , and then began shooting through the walls of his apartment . The rest of us tenants were immediately evacuated from the building , and very , very fortunately , no one was hurt . After a 14 - hour standoff with the SWAT Team , the tenant ran out of ammunition , was taken into custody , and we tenants were allowed back into the building . My family had arrived during the day to spend the weekend of my 50th birthday , and I had rented the vacant apartment across the hall for their stay . As we were returning into the building , a TV reporter asked if he could interview me and my family as we went into my apartment to see if any damage had occurred to it . We found that we couldn 't stay in either my apartment or the one across the hall because of the residual tear gas . The Red Cross found us lodging at a nearby motel . At the end of the interview , the reporter complimented me for my conciseness and my sense of humor in spite of the frightening events . My older sister said , " Well , of course ! She 's number five in a family of seven children , and she could never get a word in edgewise at home . Now that she 's grown up and does public speaking , we can 't shut her up ! " Now every time we get together , I hear a chorus of , " We can 't shut you up ! " And they 're right , they can 't ! - Kay Day on November 9 , 2012 After my mother - in - law passed away , my father - in - law took my daughter , who was 3 or 4 at the time , to his old hometown for many weekends . Several years later after he had passed away , someone was talking about the Statue of Liberty . She said she had been there with grandpa . Husband and I never knew that ! She was so insistant and we were so unbelieving that she contacted his companion to ask if they 'd ever gone to New York and was told ' no ' . It became a family joke and she had to take a lot of teasing about the Statue of Liberty . She still does at age 49 . - Valerie A . Clark on November 11 , 2012 My husband likes to tell the story about the first time I tried to make sage dressing for him . I was inexperienced enough not to realize that 3 Tablespoons ( ! ) was a bit much . It was pretty much inedible .

My husband was one of the men defending the Newport Bridge two days before the city fell . He was with the soldiers who huddled together and pulled the pins on their grenades after fighting for three days and nights on the far side of the bridge . When the men realized their situation was hopeless and they had no ammunition left they did not retreat into the city . They waited until dawn so the enemy could watch them . Only then did they so defiantly take their own lives . They were not afraid of death . Not long after that a line of enemy tanks snaked onto the road , slowly crossed the bridge and entered the city . As they passed the place where the defenders made their final stand , the boys sitting on top of the tanks stared in awe at the torn and bloody ground . My husband left no suicide note . No letter . One day he was defending the road to our home and the next day he was no more . He left me with our 5 year old daughter . Thousands of terrified people fled the city that last week . I know now I should have joined them . I saw the helicopters and planes carry them away . I saw the packed buses and cars race through the streets toward the American embassy and the river . I waited for my husband to find me . I was lost without him . When I heard he had died I wanted to die , too , and be with him . But what might happen to our daughter after that ? I was confused . All I could do , it seemed , was watch and cry . After the enemy occupied the city I stayed inside my small apartment and ventured outside only to buy food . A sympathetic neighbor gave me two little flags - one North Vietnamese and the other Viet Cong - so I could display them in my window . In all of the windows up and down our street the new flags blossomed one morning like spring flowers . The flags of the defeated Republic of Vietnam disappeared . I burned my husbands letters , awards , clothing , degrees and photographs - along with our wedding certificate - - and quietly whispered prayers as all evidence that he 'd ever existed turned into ashes . When I learned that Thuan was gone , that many eyewitnesses later reported what had happened , had watched the Marines calmly commit group suicide form the other side of the river , something inside me died too . The belief that life had meaning evaporated in an instant . That part of my heart that harbored and nourished romantic love also took flight . I believe I would never love again , could never give myself to anyone again . My life was truly over . I walked and talked and interacted but inside I was all ashes . If I had followed my impulse after that I should have gone to the center of the city as North Vietnamese tanks triumphantly paraded past and I should had thrown myself beneath their treads . I should have jumped into the Saigon river and drowned myself . I should have cut my wrists and my throat . But I did not . I did not because only I was responsible for the life of Thuy . My relatives were far away and out of touch . Thuan was gone . The innocent child now depended completely on me . She was my only reason for living . Without me she might perish also . And I felt she deserved better . She deserved at least the chance that I had been given , to live and to search for happiness . Perhaps she might find it . But for sure she needed me to guide her and to protect her . She was terrified in those days . She watched me crying and tried to comfort me . Climbed onto my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck and held her face to mine . She was afraid of what I 'd do , that I too might flee . At first her affection merely deepened my own despair . But in time she gave me the determination I needed to go on living . Thuan was a scholar . I fell in love with him when I first saw him readying in a small café in Danang near my home . He was slight , intense , with wide eyes and he wore a pair of wire rimmed gold glasses . He smiled at me when he looked up . A few days later I stopped to ask what he was reading . He told me . That is how it began . The was the fateful spring when the Americans began arriving in great numbers in Danang . They arrived in March , three months before Thuan and I were married . He was a school teacher . But the war called . Many of his friends became Marines . He did not try to avoid the military . With friends he joined the Marines . He believed in his country , he said . And he believed that the Communists in both the North and in the South would , if victorious , simply replace the old French Imperialism with a newer but even more oppressive form . Life was hard . But life had always been hard . When the Americans left it became a little harder . Still my husband believed our country would win the war and that some day he could return to teaching . But everything changed in the spring of 1975 . Everything collapses so suddenly . Thuan remained with his unit rather than return home . And finally , not far from home , at the Newport Bridge defending the gateway to the city , he died with his friends . He left me no note , sent me no final letter . Yet I know he was thinking of me in his last moment of life . And I know in my last moment I will think of him and see us together again . I know . My husband left me a several hundred piasters and some gold . He said that if things became worse than they already were - and , of course , they did - the piasters would be worthless . When that happened gold would be still accepted by merchants and people who dealt in favors . He was right . I thought I might live with the new rulers . They announced that we were all Vietnamese and that we had won the war and only the American imperialists were losers . But after saying this they rounded up thousands of people and sent them to camps far away in the north for reeducation . Most were never seen again and those few who straggled home years later were weak and broken and mere shells of the men and women they had once been . I had been a school teacher . But my school closed during the final crisis in the spring , and when it reopened and I reported for work I was told I could no longer teach because my husband had been a Marine . That made me untrustworthy and an enemy of the people . The new school officials had my records , they said . My name was on their black list . I looked for work but found little . I became a secretary for one small business and a clerk in another . Each time my past caught up with me , like a lazy shadow . No matter how hard I worked , I was let go after a few days . My sister advised me to move back to our home village near Phan Rang . I could work as a peasant , she said . I considered it . But I concluded that even there my shadow would find . I stayed in Saigon and did what I had to do to survive . War came again in late 1978 . Vietnam invaded Cambodia and a few weeks later a Chinese army invaded Vietnam . People in the marketplace said that since the war began there was a new route to escape from Vietnam and start a new life . People went to Thailand and applied for asylum at the American embassy in Bangkok , they said . And the Americans let them in ! But how could I get to Thailand ? I asked . Some people , I was told , organized groups to walk in the wake of the Vietnamese army . They crossed the Mekong River , avoided the remnants of the Khmer Rouge , and stayed safely near Vietnamese soldiers and finally sneaked past Thai soldiers along the border . It was not without danger , but it was said to be safer than going on a boat on the South China Sea where so many thousands disappeared . I thought about Thailand for several days . Finally I decided to try . I joined a group of 25 travelers for the journey across Cambodia - or Khampuchea as it was now called . We were scheduled to depart in the early March , before the start of the rainy season . I was assured that mine was a good group because several members spoke both Khmer and Thai . I paid the organizer several pieces of gold . She told me to pack some rice and dried fruit and vegetables in plastic bags for my daughter and me . My daughter Thuy was six years old and did not understand what was happening . Other travelers told me she was too small and she would slow us down and she could not make it and that I should leave her in Saigon . I told them if it became necessary I would carry her all the way on my back . They warned , " In that case you will be left behind , too . You will die in the jungles of Khampuchea with your child . You will be eaten by tigers . Do you want that ? " I said , " Ok . That is better than staying here and being starved by Communists . " I was afraid but I was not discouraged . We assembled on a street corner early one morning . An army truck that someone had hired took us from Saigon to the Khampuchea border . We climbed out and walked from there . We crossed the Mekong River on a small ferry . In Cambodia the road was crowded with refugees moving west . Vietnamese soldiers passed us going in both directions . They were friendly and waved and sometimes spoke to us and gave us food and water and information on the road ahead . We stayed in Phnom Penh for one week resting and gathering supplies for the rest of the journey . The rainy season began . One day when it did not rain we left the city and headed northwest on the main road toward Battambang and Sisophon . Everyone was tired but filled with hope . I heard laughter now and then . The further west we moved the more dangerous the route became . There were fewer Vietnamese soldiers to protect us and large numbers of Khmer Rouge soldiers . Some wore their old uniforms . But others wore Thai Army uniforms and a few even wore Vietnamese uniforms . All were unfriendly . Some stopped us and offered to protect us for gold . When our gold was gone , or when we said it was gone , they offered to help us for sexual favors from the women . When we refused sometimes they went away . Sometimes they stole women or children and we heard those being carried away crying for help from the surrounding jungle , their pleas growing more and more faint , mixing with the sounds of the birds and insects until they were gone . One morning we had to cross a large mined area . Earlier travelers had marked the safe path through it with bamboo stakes driven into the ground . Everyone was terrified of the passage . The man leading us stepped carefully and told us to step in the footprints of the person in front of us . I was told I could not carry Thuy on my back . Her weight might cause me to lose my balance and one wrong step and we would both perish . A woman showed my daughter how to wrap her arms around my waist , stand behind me and step exactly where I stepped , almost as if we were one person . Everyone else was told to walk ten meters apart so that if one of us set off a mine , the others would not be injured . There were rumors that each night some Khmer Rouge came into the area and placed mines in the safe path in order to discourage and kill refugees . After that they sold their services as a guide to lead people through the field . But sometimes they betrayed each other . We entered the field behind a Khmer Rouge guide . Our own leader walked behind him and then one after another we waited and walked along the path . The pace was slow . No one said a word . When we were almost to a tree line on the far side of the field a man behind us , an elderly man who had been a school teacher at a Catholic School in Saigon before the fall of the South , stepped on a mine . I heard a sound , the man said , Oh , as if he 'd stumble on something and lost he balance . There was a big explosion . I saw those in front of me halt and crouch . I did the same . Pieces of earth and pieces of the school teacher rained down on us a moment later . Thuy was clinging to my back . She screamed . I was afraid she had been hurt . A piece of the teacher - what appeared to be part of his wrist and arm , fell on Thuy 's back and slid to the ground , leaving a long red stain on her dark pajamas . I brushed off what debris I could and embraced her and calmed her and put my open hand over her eyes until she was quiet . I hoisted her onto my back again , saw the man and woman ahead resume walking and followed them . We passed along the shore of a large lake with a repulsive smell . When we asked what it was , some of the local people told us that thousands of young Khmer girls had been used to build a canal nearby by the Khmer Rouge . One day the Khmer raped and murdered all the girls and buried in mass graves . That is what caused the smell . We were supposed to continue on to Arayanaprathet and where Thai soldiers would guide us through more mine fields along the Thai border and give us a ride to Bangkok where some of us might find work and others could find transportation to America after saving their money and applying at the American Embassy on Telegraph Road . But somewhere southeast of Battambang we were stopped by Thai soldiers who were accompanied by UN workers . They ordered us into trucks and took us to a camp called Site 9 far off the main road in a clearing in the jungle . They told us it had been built specifically for Vietnamese refugees like us . I remember being afraid most of the time , in Site 9 , even though we were there , the workers told us , for our own protection . It was a dangerous place . But we learned how to protect ourselves , what to do and what not to do in order to survive . Every afternoon , I got away from the noise of that long house and sat under a nearby tree with Thuy . I taught her Vietnamese and English while we sewed some of our old clothes or fixed clothes that some of the Khmer soldiers paid us to repair . It was quiet under the tree and I enjoyed the beauty of the silence and I seemed to forget the heat or the bright burning sunshine and the hopelessness of Site 9 . Sometimes I stopped my working and looked at the mysterious beauty of death mountain . I called it death mountain because no plants and no vegetation grew on this ground . It was covered by tall dead skeletal trees . Nobody knew what killed everything on the mountain . It was supposed to be a haunted place . Anyone who walked through it , people said , died . I watched the shadows and silhouettes of the trees as the sun passed overhead . I leaned my back against a tree and my face felt good when a breeze blew out of the forest and rustled the leaves of the living trees . After she 'd tired of seweing and studying Thuy lay on the ground next to me , her head on my leg , her pillow . She looked so thin and so pale and unhealthy . Sometimes I sang to her , some sweet old Vietnamese song . She fell asleep so easily when I sang . It was so beautiful that I found I could sometimes forget the discomforts and indignities of the camp and even ignore the heat of the sunshine . Before I went to the edge of the jungle with Thuy , however , I blackened our faces with dirt . I 'd already used scissors to cut my hair short as a man and to make me as ugly as possible . Only in that way could the camp invaders and rulers be kept away from us . But it did not always work . While she was sleeping I was watching what went on in that terrible building put up to house the refugees . I call it terrible because of the things that happened in it . It was a long house made of bamboo and above the ground on thick bamboo piles . But so many terrible things happened inside . There was just one big room inside for about 200 people in each of the many houses lined up side by side in the clearing . The people slept , argued , fought and made love there . It was built of bamboo and special jungle grass . There was no door and no windows , no privacy and it was so cold at night . The Red Cross just gave each person in the house a small thin blanket , much like a baby blanket . It could not cover my entire body . So I held Thuy in my arms at night and we kept each other warm . All 200 refugees in this house slept in two very thin mats on the floor . Each family was separated from others by a mosquito net suspended from the ceiling . When children cried at night or someone snored or some couple made sounds of love , it awakened others and they yelled and complained and this was followed by arguments and fights in the dark . I had trouble sleeping . I lay on my back and watched the moonlight through the long opening in the wall that served as a window . The moon looked so beautiful at night . Maybe because I had nothing to enjoy there but my daughter and nature , the moon , and the hope I harbored of someday finding a better life if we could cross the border into Thailand . Every month when there was a full moon I stayed awake late and watched it . Sometimes I sat up to see better out the window . I remembered all the Vietnamese songs about moonlight and lovers . I felt at least I was lucky to be alive with Thuy . And I still at least had the moonlight to enjoy . Sometimes in that late night reverie , I remembered things from the past in my family . I remembered my husband . I remembered my family in Danang , now all scattered . I was a refugee . I had no country . No identity other than that . I had no papers with me . My life and my fate it belonged to others . The only things that were mine were Thuy and a few dreams . I constantly feared for our safety . Someone could kill us at any time without reason . I had seen this happen to others . I had seen Khmer and Thai soldier kill other women and men and carry their bodies off into the jungle to leave them to be eaten by animals . Then they reported to the Red Cross , if someone asked , that the missing person was seen trying to escape to Thailand I felt so bad when I thought about this . I sometimes almost regretted leaving Saigon . What a life had been given to me , I said to myself . And why ? What had I done in my past life to deserve this . What had all of these people around me , the ones crossing Kamphuchea , what had they done ? Why ? I leaned over and kissed my daughter . She opened her eyes and smiled up at me . Her smile was the smile of an angel and it pushed away the darkness . Again I felt sorrow cover me . " I am sorry , Thuy . But tonight we have nothing to eat but rice and salt . " My voice broke as I whispered to her . So little and so wise . How did this happen ? They gave us one small can of fish for a whole week . That was out protein . I looked at my frail little girl , held her face in my hands , combed my fingers through her hair . She was 8 years old . And she had walked all the way across Cambodia with me . The things that had happened ! She had suffered all that I had suffered and she had suffered it in silence . I was the one who cried . She was the one who comforted me . She seemed always to be trying to make me happy . Now in this border camp she had to suffer hunger too . I loved her so much . She never complained about anything here . Suddenly I remembered an old debt . " Baby , I said to her , I just remembered the Kampuchea lady I loaned some food to on our walk . She is here . She owes me food , right ? Two cans of fish ? But Mommy she is a Kampuchea lady . It is dangerous . I am afraid . I am not hungry , really . Rice and salt is enough for me tonight . I tried to hold back my tears when I saw the fear on her face . " Oh , God , " I said to the air . " Are you here ? Do you see this ? " Look at you Thuy , I said . You 're so thin and pale . You need more food . You need protein . I think that woman will remember my kindness and give us fish . There will be no problem . She grabbed my hand as if to keep me seated and held on tight . Her voice was strong . I am not hungry for fish , Mommy . Please . She smiled at me , in an effort to convince me that she was telling the truth . I 'll remember her smile , forever . It was the smile of a child when they pretend that they don 't need something that they do need . I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her . Thuy , you mean so much to me . You are so brave , I told her . You make me so happy and so proud . I almost forgot for a moment that we were in a death zone . That we were in this terrible lawless camp . Life is always beautiful I thought when you have someone to love and someone who needs you . I pulled her onto my lap . I kissed the top of her head and held her against me tightly . I looked in the direction she was pointing and I saw them . Not only were the coming into the camp but some of them had seen me , on the edge of the jungle , away from others , holding my daughter . They were walking toward us quickly . They were all in Thai uniforms and they carried guns . There were seven of them . I felt sick . It was too late . They were between us and the building . I stood . Thuy stood beside me her arms around my waist and her face buried in my stomach . I should have noticed that the camp was silent . Other children and women had apparently seen the Thai soldiers approach and they had run into the houses and crawled onto their mats and now they watched out the long windows . Usually there had been cries of warning , but this morning there was not . When the warning came the women ran into the jungles to hide . But now with Thuy there was no way for me to run . They came to our camp often , usually waiting until the Red Cross and other refugee workers from the UN went home . Sometimes they accompanied the UN workers . Sometimes they waited till the workers left and came into the camp to do what they wished . For that reason , I had cut my hair as short as possible with a knife . I also cut Thuy 's . And I kept my face covered with dust or dirt in order to look as ugly as possible . That was our only protection . Now it was too late . By the time Thuy saw them they were walking directly towards us . I froze and stared down at Thuy , holding her hand tightly , attempting through my grip to give her confidence . I felt her trembling . She 'd seen many times what these men did . In the past there had always been a warning , someone saw them and shouted and women ran into the jungle to hide from them . But this time there was no warning . By the time I saw them I knew it was too late . If I tried to run now , with Thuy , they might shoot me . I 'd seen them shoot down many people over the months I 'd been in the camp . As I stood waiting to learn my fate , my heart was pounding rapidly in my chest . I tried to slow my breathing , to contain my panic , for the sake of thuy . I was wearing a filthy worn tunic that I 'd taken from a dead soldier in the jungle several months earlier . I wore it and kept it dirty and each morning darkened my face with dirt and ran my fingers through my hair to mess it up . I needed to be as repulsive looking as possible to protect myself . I dare not look up into the men 's eyes , but started at the ground a few feet in front of me until I saw their boots . A tall slim soldier who seemed to be the leader of the group , in his mid 20s , was staring at me without speaking . No word passed between us and the soldiers too were silent . We sat there , staring at each other for several minutes . He motioned with his hands to the other soldiers and dismissed them . They walked toward the barracks building and went inside . I heard them shouting questions and commands to the people inside . Still the soldier sitting in front of me said nothing and did not look away . I don 't know . I was unsure how to answer him . I 'd seen soldiers approach women and use charm before flying into a rage and dragging them away into the jungle . He looked away for a moment , in frustration . When he fixed us with his gaze again , he stood . My name is Chai Naroory [ it sounded this way to me , but I do not speak Thai so I am unsure how to spell his name correctly ] . He said . Remember that , please . If someone tries to hurt you , any of the soldiers , call out my name . I will see you again . I promise , he said . After that he stood and walked away , leaving us there . The other soldiers , finished with their business soon emerged from the houses and the jungle and left together down the road they had come on . There is no problem . We are accustomed to it now . We only need to put something in our stomach every day , I said . My dog has better food than this he said . He was accompanied by a big dog that sayed near him while he spoke . It was non threatening . Indeed , he asked Thuy if she 'd like to pet the animal and after assuring her it was safe , she reached out and ran her fingers through the animals hair . After that he returned every day . Thuy and I ate together in the same spot and he always came to us . Sometimes he came alone , accompanied just by his dog . He always carried his gun . The other people in the camp watched us from a distance . None approached to talk . He began bringing us food . We talked , always in English . He asked about my husband , about life in Saigon , about the war and the Americans . He wanted to know where I 'd learned English . He told me also about his life , about his education in high school and his stay in a monastery for one year . After that he 'd joined the army . He said he had a girl friend in Phuket . He missed her very much , he said . He was in love with her . He thought about my question , turned it over in his mind . It 's hard to say , he said . You know , sometimes , in your life , you find someone , you see someone , and it feels in your heart . And you wan to do something for them . You want to help that person . I felt that way , my heart was moved , when I saw you here with your little girl . I did not come to make a friend . You know that . But I saw you and my heart changed . I felt , perhaps , ashamed of what I was planning to do when I saw how pathetic and frightened you looked . He liked to talk about his girl friend and how he missed her . I talked to him about Thuan and how I missed him . He became at ease with me , removed his sun glasses so I could see his eyes , sat close and talked in a low voice . I hope you can leave here soon , he told me , after hearing some of our stories about crossing Cambodia . This is a terrible place . It is neither freedom nor death , but it is halfway between , one foot in each . No place else in the world is like this , he said . I 'll listen for news about getting out of here and do what I can to help you . But I am just a soldier , there is not much I can do , I should say . I thanked him . He came every week on Saturday . Then one Saturday he did not come . I went to my customary place outside the house and near the edge of the jungle , sat down with Thuy and waited but he did not come . As the day ended and it became dark I felt a strange feeling inside . I missed him very much . I waited and waited . Thuy fell asleep in my arms and the lights were put out in the long houses . Still I waited . I waited outside on the steps of the house for him . I lay down in a hammock and looked up at the sky and wondered where he was . I watched the stars come out . Still there were no visitors . When the sky was full of stars I lay quietly in the hammock and held Thuy tightly and cried . He was my only contact with the outside world , with the world beyond the border . And he was decent and kind and now he , too , was gone . I cared for him so much . The need to love that I thought was dead had crept out slowly and began as his kindness . And now it too had been stifled and I cried for myself and for him . During the next week I tried to forget about him . I moved about more quietly , went through the motions of living . But again and again I found myself remembering him , his kind words , the sweets he brought to us , his smile when we smiled at him . His words about his love for his girl friend in faraway Phuket . She was so lucky . I was almost jealous of her . I found myself thinking that I must find a way to contain my feelings , my heart , in the future . This was too painful , growing attached to someone . The next Saturday I stayed in the long house with Thuy . I lay on the bed staring up at the ceiling as Thuy played on the rough floor . I thought of the boy . Wondered what had happened to him . I wanted to leap from the bed and embrace him . But I controlled myself . I stood up . He approached and held extended his hand . How are you , he said . I am sorry I was not here for two weeks , he said . I was given leave . I visited my girl friend in Phuket . There was no way to tell you . Shall we go outside and talk , he said . I brought you some food . He handed me a plastic bag with rice and some vegetables in it and several small cakes and a copy of the Bangkok newspaper to read . We sat outside and talked , sat on small wooden stools . The dog lay down between us . After a while he said , Is something wrong . You seem different tonight . Did something happen ? There were so many things going through my mind at that moment , confusing emotions and thoughts . I could express none of them and so merely said , Hello , it is a surprise to see you again . We missed you . Thuy missed your dog . My dog ? He told us about his visit to his sweetheart in Phuket . I told her about you and Thuy . He took out a picture of the two of them standing on a beach with the blue sea behind them . He was not in his uniform in the picture . The girl was wearing white pants and a long sleeved white blouse in the sunshine . I am happy for you , I said . I am happy you could get away from this place . He 'd brought us food , again . And this time new rubber sandals . No , nothing has happened , I told him . That is the problem . Nothing ever happens here . Every day it is the same . And then the soldiers come again . I worry about my future . About Thuy 's future . What does the world hold for us . They ask me here , if I go to America , what job can I do . I don 't know . I have no idea what I 'll do and they tell me I must come up with something . It 's big thinking , isn it ? He asked . I think you 'll have a good life over there , though . Many Vietnamese come through here . They leave from the other camps and they go to America . I 've seen them in camps in Bangkok . Some day you 'll be one of them . He handed me a plastic bag and inside was a blue cloth purse designed in the Hmong design , from the Chiang Mai area , he said . Blue was my favorite color . It was a ball of blue yarn . I love it , I said . I can make a very beautiful sweater . You can spend a lot of time doing it here , he said . Now perhaps you won 't be so bored . I saw you knitting one time and remembered . He had such a sweet smile when he saw my delight in the gift . His kindness and his caring moved me so deeply in this place where there was very little of either . Thank you . I 'll remember thisI said to him . You make me happy . You are a very special boy . You make me remember love , what it felt like to be in love . Then I am happy he said , and laughed . His teeth , I noticed , we so perfect and so white , his laugh so loud and genuine , and his greeting , as he clasped his hands before him and bowed , so unusual in this world we lived in . Moment later Thuy reappeared with the dog and I realized the boy had forgotten his dog . Now it was too late . I 'd hae to care for him till the boy returned . I told Thuy that the next time he came not to go out of my sight with the dog . He might be angry when he discovered he 'd left the animal behind . But the dog was happy around Thuy , it followed her everywhere and snuggled up beside her when she sat down or lay down in her hammock . A group of them came to the camp . They learned from others that Thuy and I had the Thai soldier 's dog . They came to our long house . They came to me . Give us the dog , the leader of the soldiers said , a mean little man with a scar down the right side of his face and several missing teeth . He rolled up the long sleeves on his military shirt , wore shorts and rubber sandals and carried an AK 47 on a strap . I had seen this man kill several other refugees and drag their bodies by the heels into the jungle to leave them . I 'd heard he did other horrible things , tortured refugees , took them to his camp . Terrible things . Thuy appeared outside with the dog . The soldier turned when someone called to him and he hurried outside . He pushed Thuy aside and shot the dog two times . I covered Thuy 's eyes with my hand . " Oh , God … I whispered . Are you still up there . Are you far away ? Please save us . " I stood still and dare not move except for my uncontrollable shaking and the whimpers , soft whimpers of Thuy . A Kampuchea soldier grabbed the hind leg of the dog and began dragging it away . " And one more thing , " the soldier said to me . If the Thai soldiers ask you what happened to their dog , and if you tell them , I will find you and kill you . And I 'll cut your daughter 's throat , too . OK ? Remember this ? I knew from the talk of the other soldiers that they would cook and eat the dog . It was a big animal and a welcome feast for them . They left dragging the dog behind them , leaving a thin trail of blood across the ground . He wanted his dog he said , he asked what they had done with it . They just stared at him and didn 't respond . He left a short time later with the other soldiers , not saying a word to us . I should kill you right here , he said . Right now . But I should beat you to death . You are not worth a bullet , you Vietnamese scum . But as he spoke , even as I saw him lift his gun , there was a voice form behind us . The voice of Chai naroory . Stop it , he yelled . Stop it . Drop your gun damn you , the Thai ordered , without lifting his own weapon . Don 't point your god damned gun at a woman . Drop it . This is my gun , he said . I can do anything with it that I want . This is my land , not yours . Remember that , Thai , this is my land . The Khmer stepped back and Chai Naroory kept his grip on the barrel . Suddenly the Khmer soldier pulled it loose , touched it to Chai Naroory 's heart and pulled the trigger . There was one loud explosion . Chai Naroory stumbled back past us and feel flat on the ground , blood soaking the front of his uniform . The Khmer soldier turned and ran into the jungle . Other Thai soldiers , hearing the shot came running , they yelled at the Khmer soldier as he ran away . There were several shots and all the men disappeared into the growth . Two Thai soldiers stopped and knelt beside their comrade . He just wanted to be decent . He was in love . His girl friend is in Phuket . He brought us food . I whispered in his ear , I will never forget you . I will never forget your kindness . You are always in my prayers . Then I stretched out my legs and rested his head on my legs . I ran my fingers through his hair . Thuy put her arms around me . I saw his lovely eyes . I looked up at the sky , so beautiful , so blue . I sat weeping over his body until the other Thai soldiers came and picked him up and carried him away with them . That evening I took out the sweater I had been knitting for him . I carried into into the jungle and dug a hole with my hands and buried it along with what remained of the yarn and the knitting needles . I returned to my hammock and held Thuy in my arms and lay awake all night staring up through the open ceiling and the mosquito netting at the stars . I said a short prayer for Chai Naroory and one for Thuy and one for me and one for my husband and then I listened to the sounds of the jungle . Three months later Pham Thao was notified that there was a sponsor for her in the United States , a church congregation in Wisconsin . She was transported to Bangkok where she was kept in another refugee center and after three more weeks flew to the US . She attended a vocational school and became a nurse . Thuy graduated from college and medical school and today is a pediatrician in Kaiser Permanente Hospital in * * * * * * * * * * , California . She is married and has three of her own children . Her mother lives nearby .

Both . I usually start off a bit more passive while getting used to the world and my character ( s ) , but once I feel like I know my character ( s ) well I usually feel very comfortable with becoming more aggressive . I like it if both parties can do things for the plot and create new characters , both villains and heroes . If you are completely passive , we might not fit each other . Scifi . Mecha . Combat . Overly action oriented stuff . Overly ecchi or sexual ( Characters can have sex , but fade to black is a must . ) . Slice of life ( I need something to spice up the rp , like supernatural stuff or a fantasy / historical setting . Otherwise it gets boring real quickly . ) Jasmine sat in the kitchen watching the sun go down behind the trees . She were sinken in to deep thoughts , thoughts about her parents . They had been dead for a week and the funeral had been just a day ago . A deep sight escaped her lips , she had barely gone out of her appartment since she had gotten to know about her parents death . She remembered the day that it had happened , they were going to have some family time together as fast as they got home . They would start with fishing , everyone in their family liked fishing especialy when they did it together . Then after that they would eat a nice family dinner , hopefully it would be the fishes they had catched during that day , if they didn 't catch anything then they would just buy something on their way home . But they wouldn 't get that far , because when her parents were on their way home there were a traffic accident . They died immediately when they colided with the other car , the man that drove the other car had been drunk . He survived , but her parents didn 't . She waited for hours on her parents and tried to call them many times , but no one picked up the phone and no one walked in threw the door . Had they forgotten about their promise and were out together instead ? She kept waiting , thinking that maybe there had been a trafic jam . But after hours of waiting she got the call , first she thought it were a prank call , then she got shocked and didn 't understand what was happening . It was first when she had gone to identify the bodies that she realised what was going on , as she saw her dead parents she broke down crying . Jasmine didn 't remember how she got home again after that , they probably called someone to take her home or maybe she were able to tell them were she lived so they could take her home . She had been on the funeral but not for long . While the others stayed and talked with eachother Jasmine decided to go home after they had done the ceremony . She didn 't shed even one tear during the funeral , it was as if she were to shocked to feel anything . Even Jasmine ( open ) Brodie strode up the path before him - passing doors of rising numbers until he spotted the one he needed to approach . The news of the deaths of this woman 's parents had reached him naught but three days prior . He barely felt his knuckles rap against the door as his mind raced with what he could possibly say to her . The funeral had been the day before and he had thankfully made it though he chose to stay aside and pay his respects that way . Approaching their daughter at the funeral would definitely have been rude and an affront to their memories . Finally the door labeled ' 121 ' cracked open and an unfamiliar scent filled his nostrils . He first noticed her brown eyes . They looked up to his with a dull shine . The recent loss of her parents was written in them . His brows furrowed as she showed no recognition of him . Brodie took a breath and asked her , " Are you Jasmine ? " Her door had opened by now to show what seemed like an empty house ; it was as if someone had written mourning into the walls . Both . I usually start off a bit more passive while getting used to the world and my character ( s ) , but once I feel like I know my character ( s ) well I usually feel very comfortable with becoming more aggressive . I like it if both parties can do things for the plot and create new characters , both villains and heroes . If you are completely passive , we might not fit each other . Scifi . Mecha . Combat . Overly action oriented stuff . Overly ecchi or sexual ( Characters can have sex , but fade to black is a must . ) . Slice of life ( I need something to spice up the rp , like supernatural stuff or a fantasy / historical setting . Otherwise it gets boring real quickly . ) Jasmine looked up at the guy , he were a bit taller than her and had to tilt her head to be able to look up in his eyes . Green eyes , it was the same colour as her fathers , she had gotten all her looks from her mother even the eye colour . " I 'm Jasmine . " She said short with a small nodd . Her right eyebrow raised itself and gave her a wondering and suspicious expression . " Can I help you with something ? " She asked mostly to be polite , even though she more than anything wanted to throw the door in to his face and pretend he weren 't there . It would be so much better if the world could leave her alone for some days , weeks , month 's , who were she kidding ? She wanted to be alone for the rest of her life . At least that was what it felt like for the moment . Could it be that the man were a friend to her parents and wanted to tell her how sorry he were for their loss ? Even though she didn 't believe in God she still prayed at the moment that it wasn 't like that , that was the reason why she had unplugged the phone . She didn 't want people that called her and told her how sorry they were for her loss . It was like putting more wood to the fire , she were already sad as it was and still they wanted to remind her about her loss . Before the funeral had even begun people had come forth towards her and told her how sorry they were for her loss . It was just irritaing when they did that . Before he could process what he was saying , Brodie said , " I am - was - a friend of your parents . May I come in ? It is extremely important that I talk to you now . " He knew how out - of - place he must have appeared standing outside Jasmine 's door : his charcoal trenchcoat went to just below his knees , his off - white button up shirt was tucked inside his black slacks , and his black , gucci leather shoes had obviously been recently shined . Compared to the apartment background he was a brand new coin to one dulled through weathering age . As he stood there , however , Brodie couldn 't help notice how beautiful Jasmine was in person . Her parents had showed him photos of her when they decided on him marrying her . At first he was shocked when they brought up the subject . At that point in time , the young businessman had only met with them a grand total of 4 times . The couple had looked so happy when the idea clicked in both of their minds at the same time . Anyone who had observed them could tell they were soulmates . In truth , they only wanted their daughter to be well cared for in the future . So he obliged them . An arranged marriage wouldn 't hurt him in the long run . Even if it was to a girl whose parents went fishing on his lake . ​ Both . I usually start off a bit more passive while getting used to the world and my character ( s ) , but once I feel like I know my character ( s ) well I usually feel very comfortable with becoming more aggressive . I like it if both parties can do things for the plot and create new characters , both villains and heroes . If you are completely passive , we might not fit each other . Scifi . Mecha . Combat . Overly action oriented stuff . Overly ecchi or sexual ( Characters can have sex , but fade to black is a must . ) . Slice of life ( I need something to spice up the rp , like supernatural stuff or a fantasy / historical setting . Otherwise it gets boring real quickly . ) He wanted to talk about something important ? If he knew her parents then it couldn 't hurt talking to him for a bit before she sent him away . " Come in . " She said and closed the door as fast as he were inside . He didn 't look like someone that would come to that sort of place , she lived in such a small apartment and he were probably living in a castle , his clothes gave it all away . The cloth he were wearing were probably worth more than her apartment and all things in it together . She made a gesture towards the table that he could sit down , she sat down at the opposit side of the table . " So what is so extremely important ? " Jasmine asked the man , whatever it was she would probably not be interested in it at all . When people said that something were important it was mostly just something silly that weren 't even worth listening to . She just had to listen to him and then make him get out of the house , it wouldn 't take that much time . Soon she could be alone again and just sit there and wait untill she slowly rot away in the sun that shined in threw the window . Even she thought that her thought were to depressing , hopefully she would feel better soon so she could just go back to her everyday life . Brodie took a look around as he walked into her small apartment . It was very quaint . Thankfully he had been adopted by the older gentlemen when he was younger . If he hadn 't been , he may have been worse off than this woman . Shrugging off the thoughts , he sat down at her offer . As she asked the question , he could think of no way to really open for that . He could try a joke but that set the mood as joking - which at this point in time he could not afford . The meeting on the day her parents died was supposed to be one where he would come back with them to tell her the news . But he wasn 't able to go that day to meet them . Still , everything had already been decided upon months ago and the wedding would be happening in about 7 months . So the sooner , the better . " I . . . uh . . I have something that I . . oh I 'm no good at skirting around this . " Brodie stood and walked a couple paces - his posture turning to that of a business man with a tentative deal on the board . " I am your fiance . " ( sorry these aren 't turning out so long . I normally go for longer but I can 't speak for your character . Hopefully they will get longer ^^; ) Both . I usually start off a bit more passive while getting used to the world and my character ( s ) , but once I feel like I know my character ( s ) well I usually feel very comfortable with becoming more aggressive . I like it if both parties can do things for the plot and create new characters , both villains and heroes . If you are completely passive , we might not fit each other . Scifi . Mecha . Combat . Overly action oriented stuff . Overly ecchi or sexual ( Characters can have sex , but fade to black is a must . ) . Slice of life ( I need something to spice up the rp , like supernatural stuff or a fantasy / historical setting . Otherwise it gets boring real quickly . ) ( ( the start usualy are a bit hard haha ) ) The man looked so out of place in her house , his rich looks made her apartment look much worse than it actually were . It seemed as if it were something really hard to talk about , what could be so hard to tell her ? It reminded her of when her father tried to tell her that she were going to get a litle sister or brother , he wasn 't good at expressing himself and he walked around in a cirkle trying to tell her properly . Later on her mother got a miscarriage and in the end she didn 't get a litle sister or brother . Her mother had become depressed for a while but after some time she had become better again . Jasmine hadn 't thought that much about it , because the child hadn 't even been born yet so it didn 't feel so bad for her . But she were a bit depressed to just the first couple of days . When he finally were able to say it she first sat stiff as a rock and stared at him . She were his fiance ? Was he serious ? Then she started to laugh , it must have been some kind of joke . Once her laughter started to die out she were able to speak . " Good joke , who made you do this ? Did Melissa put you up for this ? " She asked still giggling , her eyes had become a bit teary of the laughter . Her laugh startled him at first . He expected anger and shouting ; never would he have expected laughter . It was a pretty laugh though . But now was not a time for hilarity so he turned back to her with a kind of stone expression . " You may find this funny . . . but it is no joke . The . . . " Brodie trailed off not wanting to go into her parent 's death . It was inevitable though since she would find out soon enough about the hows and whys . With a deep sigh , he continued in a hushed but still audible voice , " The day your parents died , they were bringing you the news of what they had arranged . For the past 10 times that they have gone to fish at the lake , we have met to discuss life and what they felt was a wise decision for you . . . " His eyes softened and he gave her an apologetic gaze . " I know this may be hard to take in at a time like this . They - your parents - gave me this - " Inside his pocket was a picture of them and Jasmine - a picture from when she was 7 . Brodie 's large hand grasped the picture as delicately as he could and he passed it over to her . " I hate to be the one to bring you this news . But because of who I am , I needed to bring you into the fold as soon as allowed . " His weight shifted as he propped his body against the counter . " There is also another stipulation . . . but I will address that afterwards . " Both . I usually start off a bit more passive while getting used to the world and my character ( s ) , but once I feel like I know my character ( s ) well I usually feel very comfortable with becoming more aggressive . I like it if both parties can do things for the plot and create new characters , both villains and heroes . If you are completely passive , we might not fit each other . Scifi . Mecha . Combat . Overly action oriented stuff . Overly ecchi or sexual ( Characters can have sex , but fade to black is a must . ) . Slice of life ( I need something to spice up the rp , like supernatural stuff or a fantasy / historical setting . Otherwise it gets boring real quickly . ) She stopped laughing , he couldn 't be serious , they didn 't even know eachother so how could they marry eachother ? That was only things that happened in movies . Her parents wouldn 't think about doing such a thing as marry her away to someone else , they should know that she would never accept such a thing . But the further he talked the more she realised thta it could be her parents that had done just that . He handed her a picture of her when she was seven , she were with her parents . She remembered that day even though she had been so small when it was taken , they had been out on a camping trip for the first time since she was born . She didn 't remember much of it except when they had gotten back , right after they took the picture she got an ice cream for being so good during the whole trip . The litle she remembered from the trip itself she knew because of all the picture they had taken . Her hands were shaking when she looked at the picture that she held with both hands , how could her parents think that she would accept marrying someone she had never met ? She wouldn 't be engaged to someone before she knew that person . She slammed her hand in to the table and rose from her seat . " another stipulation ? " She was furious , that man dared to come there and tell her that when her parents just had died . Even if her parents had told her she would still be angry , even if they wanted the best for her they couldn 't choose how she would live her life . " I wouldn 't marry you even if you were the last man on earth , I don 't care what my parents have told you , get out of here now . " She said while walking closer to him . Brodie knew this wouldn 't go well . Anyone who was approached by someone unfamiliar , told their parents gave them away to be married without consulting them , and then allowed to respond would not respond in a positive way . He may be a businessman but in no way did he presume to know how to speak casually . In business , you gave it to them straight . He was a numbers guy and knew that no matter what , the bottom line is what people wanted to hear . Except with things like this . He had to take a public speaking class to know how to talk at work . This kind of thing . . . Brodie would never figure out . " Listen , I know this is a difficult time . I was close with your parents . It hurt me to hear of their passing . But what will you do now ? One of the main reasons they discussed it with me is they knew that if they were to pass soon , you would have no way of providing for yourself . " He looked her in the eyes and saw how angry she was . It was obvious he wasn 't going to win but he had to try . He had seen a friend from the orphanage years after he had been adopted . The guy had gone to a great family but they passed away . He was not written into their will since they kept putting it off . So everything went to the greedy Aunt and Uncle he had . They didn 't share a dime . As he was no longer under 18 , he was forced onto the street after the bank repossessed the house . Mr . Shaw did not want to ever see that happen again to someone who didn 't deserve it . " Please , I came to help . I don 't want to offer to help you without telling you the whole story ! " Both . I usually start off a bit more passive while getting used to the world and my character ( s ) , but once I feel like I know my character ( s ) well I usually feel very comfortable with becoming more aggressive . I like it if both parties can do things for the plot and create new characters , both villains and heroes . If you are completely passive , we might not fit each other . Scifi . Mecha . Combat . Overly action oriented stuff . Overly ecchi or sexual ( Characters can have sex , but fade to black is a must . ) . Slice of life ( I need something to spice up the rp , like supernatural stuff or a fantasy / historical setting . Otherwise it gets boring real quickly . ) He were right , she didn 't know what she should do now or where she should go . She couldn 't afford to pay for the apartment even though it was such a small place . She didn 't have any job at the moment because she had just finnished high school and were going to start university , how would she be able to afford that when she didn 't have a job ? She hadn 't been able to think about it before he pointed it out for her . But to get married to him because of that , it was absurd . She turned her back towards him , Jasmine had calmed down but she were still irritated . Even if she had been completely calm she would have refused a marriage with a stranger . " I am thankful that you want to help but I think I will be able to make it on my own somehow . I won 't get engaged with a person I don 't know and I can 't accept help from a stranger even though you knew my parents . " She said with a bit irritation in her voice . What would it take to make this guy leave her alone ? Had he befriended her parents so much so he would go threw the trouble of getting married to a total stranger . Maybe he had heard stories about her from her parents but he didn 't know her at all . What if he fell in love later in life and then were already married , would he just throw her out then and pretend the deal between him and her parents didn 't excist ? He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh , looking at her back . It was clear she didn 't want him here . But it wasn 't over . " I made them a promise . I intend to keep it . " Brodie knew that at least beginning a relationship of any kind took time . His voice was strong with conviction in his words . He pulled out his wallet then set down $ 2000 on the counter along with his business card and a diamond ring . " Your parents already told my father and set a date . I hope before then we can at least come to an understanding on a way to fulfill the wishes your parents had for you . " He passed her and opened the door , then paused to add , " Whether that is marriage without love or a friendship that is mutually beneficial . I 'm sure it hurts right now but think on this . I wouldn 't mind getting to know you . " With that , he closed the door and walked down the previously trodden path and back out to the small limousine . The car left to the mansion ; the time total coming to 30 minutes . It wasn 't that long of a ride but it was some nice time to think to himself . It would be nearly impossible slight of her marrying someone else or dying to get out of this . The message had been sent out to his father 's associates and the news would catch wind of it in approximately a month . Then he would really need to help her . This would never have gotten so bad if he had been able to speak with them the time before last at the lake . Instead , his father went . It was him who somehow made them cave to the decision of handing their daughter off to marry a stranger . In fact , he had been barred from attending that meeting . As it stood , he was more curious about that conversation than whether or not she would call him . Brodie leaned forward , his hands falling into his hands . That was a painful experience . " I will never be good at that . I already have a hard enough time as it is talking casually to my friends . . . . " The driver peered at him through the rear view mirror . " Sir . . if I might add . . . perhaps you can ask your buddies to give you some pointers ? I might dare say your brothers . . but that will only worsen the questioning I 'm afraid . " Father always loves hiring british people . " Martin , if I ever asked my brothers , I could be 50 and they would still tease me . " Brodie was now the age of 21 . He was a successful businessman - CFO for an international pharmaceutical company . He was top dog and earned top dollar . His father was proud . All of his brothers were adopted because their father was sterile . Tyko - his brother from Sweden - was busy in college studying biochemistry . Mostly he loved playing football / soccer and had actually taken up archery as a past time on the down - low . Wesley - his brother from Britain - had just reached the age of 26 ( the oldest of them all ) and was heading up an movie star career . Lucky for him , their father 's connection got him rocketed to a leading role in a new blockbuster film debuting in a month . Ignazio came from Italy . His English was by far the worst . He oftened practiced with Tyko on the soccer field after school . They both attended the same college . Only , Ignazio chose school over sport . Soccer was his absolute love but he felt as if he was not skilled enough to be on a team so it was pure recreation . While not playing , Ignazio goes to the library and studies so he can graduate from medical school . Finally , Craig came from America . He definitely was cocky but he could back anything he boasted about up with actions . At the present time , Craig was playing in a semi - pro football ( American ) league at college . He had no plans to graduate - only to be scouted for a team . If that went down the tubes , then he did not have a back up besides a general BA . Both . I usually start off a bit more passive while getting used to the world and my character ( s ) , but once I feel like I know my character ( s ) well I usually feel very comfortable with becoming more aggressive . I like it if both parties can do things for the plot and create new characters , both villains and heroes . If you are completely passive , we might not fit each other . Scifi . Mecha . Combat . Overly action oriented stuff . Overly ecchi or sexual ( Characters can have sex , but fade to black is a must . ) . Slice of life ( I need something to spice up the rp , like supernatural stuff or a fantasy / historical setting . Otherwise it gets boring real quickly . ) She didn 't turn back to face him as he spoke and didn 't notice that he put the money , business card and the ring on the counter . Maybe she were acting unfair towards him , he just did as her and his parents had asked of him . But she couldn 't just get married to him or even engaged , it was only something that should be done between two people that loved eachother . She flinched as he told her that the date already were set , they had set a date without talking to her first . It was all insane , how could they think that she would accept such a thing ? She let him talk to the end without looking at him but listening carefully . She couldn 't help but melt a litle when he told her that he only wanted to fulfill her parents wishes , but she wouldn 't show it to him . Even though she should also try to fulfill her parents wishes she couldn 't help but think it were wrong of them to wish something like that . She had a life of her own and she wanted to chose her own husband when the time would come , she wanted to have the time to fall in love with that special someone and not need to worry about getting married in some years . She were only twenty , she didn 't need to get married yet , no one got married so early now a days . He left her to think about it alone , she turned around to look at the door he just had closed . He hadn 't even told her his name , how were she supposed to know how to get in touch with him if she felt like it ? Not because she wanted to do so . Maybe he were going to come back in some days , hopefully not , she didn 't want to see that yerk again . She leaned at the counter with her eyes closed and sighted deeply , as she opened her eyes she got a shock , there was a ring lying on the counter . Under it were also money and a business card , had he left it there ? She took up the ring and looked at it for a while , it was a real diamond ring , she could only imagine how much it could have costed . How could she let him give her something so expensive ? Even though he probably were rich and it were her parents will to marry him she # 13 After he entered the mansion , he fled to the kitchen area for a snack . The head chef Eduardo quickly whipped him up a salad . Eduardo had always taken a liking to the businessman since he was always polite and did his best to not be a burden on him . " Gracias Eduardo . " He took it up to his room and finished it without much interruption except from Tyko trying to run through his room with a paintball gun , Craig and Wesley hot on his heels . Sighing , he set his plate on his nightstand and went out to his balcony . It over looked the maze garden and had a landing spot below it in case anyone wanted to jump off . There was also enough jumping room to leap to the balcony to the left which led to the maze staircase . The lights lit up in the gardens afore the maze in such a way that it seemed as if little fireflies were floating above the flowers , gracing them with beauty . If Jasmine saw this , she might just love the view . Another sighed escaped his mouth . She had no idea what would be coming in about a month . The paparazzi would surround her daily , swarm her apartment , stalk her to work and take photos of everything . He shook his head . Maybe agreeing to help through marriage wasn 't right . . . oh well . What 's done is done . He saw the gardeners yell at the paintballing boys for shooting some of the flowers on accident then running through the beautiful bed . Brodie saw where they trampled over it 's beauty . " They just have no respect . " Shaking his head , he watched the sun go down then returned to his bed after a shower and changing his clothes . It was not long before sleep waved over him and he fell into dreamland . Brodie rolled over , his phone 's unknown caller ringtone playing loudly . Today was his day off and he did NOT want to wake up anytime in the morning . But in case it had to do with work , he grabbed the phone with a groan . " H - hello ? " His voice was groggy and his eyes were still closed . Both . I usually start off a bit more passive while getting used to the world and my character ( s ) , but once I feel like I know my character ( s ) well I usually feel very comfortable with becoming more aggressive . I like it if both parties can do things for the plot and create new characters , both villains and heroes . If you are completely passive , we might not fit each other . Scifi . Mecha . Combat . Overly action oriented stuff . Overly ecchi or sexual ( Characters can have sex , but fade to black is a must . ) . Slice of life ( I need something to spice up the rp , like supernatural stuff or a fantasy / historical setting . Otherwise it gets boring real quickly . ) After some time she heard how the tones stopped and someone answered , it sounded like Brodie even though his voice sounded groggy . Maybe he weren 't fully awake yet , maybe she even had woken him up . Jasmine smiled a bit , she couldn 't help but think that it was a bit funny that she had happened to wake him up even though she hadn 't meant to . Maybe she should have waited untill later so that she could be certain that he were awake but she thought that he would be working or something and then he should be awake by then . " It 's me , Jasmine . " She started . " Did I wake you ? " She couldn 't help but sound a bit entertained by it even though she tried to keep it to herself . " I want to give back the money to you and the ring . But I also want to listen to my parents last wish , the easiest would be if we just met somewhere and talked about it . " She said , maybe she should have said that he could call her when he were fully awake but she wanted it over with . If they could come to an agreement on how to give her parents their last wish and she wouldn 't need to marry him then it would be the best , and she wanted it done as fast as possible . It was easier to talk eye to eye instead of over the phone so she needed to meet him even though she didn 't really want to . If she didn 't meet him then she wouldn 't be able to give the money and the ring back to him so that was another reason why she wanted to meet him as fast as possible . ( ( Srry a bit short , are in school and don 't have time to be creative ) ) " Jasmine ? " His mind tried to wake up , then it hit him . " OH ! Jasmine ! " Brodie Shaw shot straight up in his bed . A bit light - headed he added , " No . . I was getting up anyways . " An unconvincing argument . " But . . we can meet , I just won 't be taking back the money or the ring . " There was a pause then Brodie continued , " The money is for you . It 's a gift . As is the ring . It 's something your parents wanted me to get you . " He stayed silent for a bit then gazed outside . " How about I have the driver pick you up ? An early brunch perhaps ? " ( mine 's even shorter . but we are getting to dialogue so it 's a bit harder . mostly im just drained today . i wanna pass out ) Both . I usually start off a bit more passive while getting used to the world and my character ( s ) , but once I feel like I know my character ( s ) well I usually feel very comfortable with becoming more aggressive . I like it if both parties can do things for the plot and create new characters , both villains and heroes . If you are completely passive , we might not fit each other . Scifi . Mecha . Combat . Overly action oriented stuff . Overly ecchi or sexual ( Characters can have sex , but fade to black is a must . ) . Slice of life ( I need something to spice up the rp , like supernatural stuff or a fantasy / historical setting . Otherwise it gets boring real quickly . ) He sounded really tired , now she was certain that he had just woke up . It was a bit irritating that he wouldn 't let her give back what he had given to her , but she could always make him take them back when they met each other , if she couldn 't convince him then she maybe could sneak them in to his pocket when he didn 't watch . It almost sounded like they were going to give each other a bomb back and forth because they were afraid that it would explode , it reminded her of those cartoons she used to watch when she were a child . " Fine , lets have an early brunch . How long will it take until your driver can come ? " Jasmine wanted to tell him that she could take the buss or a cab there but then he would probably just try to convince her not to . She just wanted their talk over with so that they could live their own life away from each other and not get married . Hopefully she would be able to make him take back the ring and the money or at least one of them , she would just feel bad . What right did her parents have to ask after money from him ? They should have believed in that she could take care of herself better when they were gone . " Probably 30 minutes . He will wait until you are ready . " The sound of bedding rustling could be heard over the phone as Brodie got out of bed . He shuffled his feet into his slippers to avoid the cold floor . Unlike the rest of his brothers , he chose to not use the heat . He was frugal at time . " Uh . . . I don 't want to come across as rude but do dress in your sunday best . . I think that 's the phrase I 'm looking for anyways . I will meet you at the restaurant . Talk to you later . " With that he hung up the phone and proceeded to get dressed . First though , he buzzed the garage . " Norman , please send someone to pick up Ms . Jasmine at her house . The one I was at yesterday . Tell them to wait as long as they need . Also , they are to go to Le Jardin Des Cygnes . " " Of course sir . " " Thank you . " This time , he put on a nice , plain white button up and a pair of khaki slacks . Brodie threaded his belt through the loops on the pants - a black belt . Then he put on his black gucci shoes and a plain , subtle blue - grey tie , grabbed his throw on black jacket and headed out the door . " Norman , please pull a car around for me . We are to meet them at the garden . " " Yes sir , right away sir . " The driver opened the door and allowed Brodie to climb inside before quickly returning to the driver 's seat . The man was around the age of 65 but he had been employed with their father and his father since they were young . It took about 35 minutes for them to reach Le Jardin Des Cygnes but Brodie was able to reserve a spot . The spot he reserved and waited at overlooked a pristine river with native cymbidium orchids adorning its shores . There was not a foul smell from the river like there was closer to the downtown area where it was a bit more , but still not overly so , polluted . He made sure the menus he got were in English in case Jessica was not familiar with French . As the centerpiece of their table , a singular Middlemist Red flower in a diamond - carved vase . The table cloth was white and thankfully there was little to no breeze on the sunny day . Both . I usually start off a bit more passive while getting used to the world and my character ( s ) , but once I feel like I know my character ( s ) well I usually feel very comfortable with becoming more aggressive . I like it if both parties can do things for the plot and create new characters , both villains and heroes . If you are completely passive , we might not fit each other . Scifi . Mecha . Combat . Overly action oriented stuff . Overly ecchi or sexual ( Characters can have sex , but fade to black is a must . ) . Slice of life ( I need something to spice up the rp , like supernatural stuff or a fantasy / historical setting . Otherwise it gets boring real quickly . ) His words made her a bit angry , why would she dress up nicely just because she were meeting him ? They could as well sit at a little cafe in everyday clothes . She almost felt like going there in her usual clothes just to make him bothered , even if she would change in to her best clothes she didn 't have any clothes that were better than her others . Some summer dresses were the best thing she had in her wardrobe and she hadn 't even used them since she were fifteen , they probably didn 't even fit anymore . That guy just had to deal with that she came in her ordinary clothes . She went to her wardrobe and looked threw all the clothes she had , it should be easy , just pull out some clothes without thinking about what she put on herself . But of some reason she tried to find something that looked somewhat good even though nothing in her wardrobe were good looking . It wasn 't like she were rich and could buy all the clothes she wanted , she just bought the clothes she needed and she had never needed to go to a party or anything like that so she hadn 't needed nice clothes . Jasmine sighted and pulled out a pair of jeans and a blue tank top . That was the closest to nice looking clothes she could get with the money her family had . She changed in to the clothes and put her hair up in a tail but fast took it out again , it looked to formal to have it put up like that . She looked out of her window and noticed the car standing there , the only reason she knew that it was his car were because no one would ever come to that poor area if they had money enough to buy that car . The man that had driven the car were standing outside of it and waited . She wanted Brodie to wait as long as possible just to make him irritated and break the engagement but on the same time she didn 't want his driver to wait for her , it must be boring for him to just stand there waiting . It took some minutes before she decided to not let him wait , mostly for the poor drivers sake . She took the money and the ring Brodie had given her and put them in her pocket . She wou # 19 Brodie watched the river for a few minutes until he saw a maitre ' de approaching with Jasmine in tow . ' I guess asking her to wear nicer clothes was a bit of a stretch . . . I doubt she wants to do ANYTHING for me . ' He flashed a smile as he stood like a gentleman and dismissed the waiter until they were ready to order . He was a bit unsure of whether to pull out the chair or simply motion for her to sit . It was then his grandfather 's voice rang in his head , ' Brodie you listen to me you Irish gentleman . You must always be polite to a woman . Never raise a hand against her , never doubt her word when she has given you no reason to , and always do the polite thing - ESPECIALLY when in doubt . A gentleman also uses his language to be fluid and laved like water . Use your words in a kind manner and do your best not to use them as a weapon . A sharp mind moves you up but a sharp tongue leaves you alone . Now , keep up with your training - don 't let that accent slip out . ' So with a quick movement he pulled out her chair but stepped out of the way to let her decide whether to actually sit or not . " Please , have a seat Jasmine . " Brodie slid back to his side of the table but stood until she would sit . " I am glad you came . " Iwaku is a roleplay community . We don 't just write stories - we live them ! Roleplaying is stepping in to the life of a character and experiencing what they experience . Here on Iwaku , we 're all about giving you the freedom to write anything you want while providing a safe and friendly community to do it in . Our site contains forum roleplay , chat roleplay , group roleplay , private roleplay , as well as other methods for living your stories . We are a community ran by REAL PEOPLE ! We are not a corporation or a company . Our server , domain , and software licenses are privately owned and paid for 100 % out of our own pockets . To help pay for these monthly costs , we are more than happy to take donations from members in exchange for super spiffy extra tools and features on the boards . For more information you can view our Donating FAQs .

Posted on 8 August , 201630 May , 2017 by breanna carter Aleksandra Jakubowska 's first story translated to English . On the inside , Marta was just a terrified 17 year old , trying to make sense of this miserable world after being abandoned by her parents . On the outside , she 's a royal brat who 's gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd . It doesn 't take long for her to end up in prison where she must face the consequences of her actions . Looking on the years back , I wondered how I managed to survive . My life had never been as good as I wanted it to be . My father was a thief who spent most of his life in jail , and my mother was an alcoholic and junkie . From my early years I had to take care of myself alone . I couldn 't count on my parents , because they couldn 't even take care of themselves . It was a miracle that I didn 't spend my childhood in a foster home . When my mum wasn 't drunk everything was all right . I was attending school and I always had a warm dinner afterwards . I know that mother loved me , but because of my father , who always had problems with the law , she slowly closed herself inside . Nobody helped her ; she had to do all the chores by herself . In an attempt to not think about reality , she started to drink alcohol . Sometime she was drinking for a few days in a row , and she completely forgot that I existed . Actually , that 's how my whole childhood felt . That 's why I learnt how to care for myself alone . I did some small jobs after school to earn money , like working in the garden , or shopping or cleaning for older people . In that time I was caring for my mum more often than she was caring for me . As a little girl I was proud that I could help my mum . I never missed school . My grandma , who has since passed on , always told me " Learn girl , because the knowledge you will get will open a lot of doors for you . " Somehow I remembered those words and I treated school very seriously . I liked learning , and I always had a good grades . That 's why people from social care didn 't know about my poor situation at home , and I was happy about that . Sometimes I had to lie a little to the teacher about my mum , but it was for a good cause . When my mother finally sobered up , she always felt guilty that she 'd left me alone , so she would give me sweets and new toys , and would take me to carnivals and to eat ice cream . I was so happy then , and I loved my mum so much . Now I think that she just wanted to soothe me , or bribe me , just in case the social care would knock to our door . In the beginning , when my mum wasn 't drinking so much , she worked as cleaner in the school , but then she became very addicted and was eventually fired . We lived off of social benefits and the meager wages from my small jobs , and when my mum was sober , she cleaned people 's houses for money . But we could barely survive from this poor money we had . To add to the burden , my father appeared every few weeks . He had never held a normal job like other fathers in my neighborhood . He worked maybe 2 weeks in one job , then would say that it wasn 't right for him , then would start the process all over again . It was because he preferred easy money , without actually doing much work . And finally , one drunken night he broke into a shop and assaulted the cashier . He was arrested and taken to jail again , but this time for 12 years . I had no father again . Mum , like always , was living in her own world , and had started taking drugs , realizing that alcohol wasn 't enough anymore . I had no idea where she found money for it ( though I could guess ) . She was 38 years old when he was locked up , but looked 50 . Her body was destroyed by years of drinking alcohol and now taking drugs . Her skin was pale like dead , and her clothes were too big for her because she couldn 't afford to buy new ones . I , meanwhile , was 17 years old and my group of friends consisted of thieves and street fighters . The small amount of money I was earning stopped being enough for me . From a good girl I became a brat , the fear of the street . My mother started to annoy me , especially her helplessness and aptitude to self - destruction . She was trashed nearly every day and it disgusted me . I promised myself that I would never end up like her . I truly believed that I wouldn 't end up like my parents , but my actions told another story . Taking easy money was such a temptation . I was starting to understand my father and why he liked it . He was too stupid , though . I , on the other hand , knew to plan everything : the shop to rob , and where and when . The first time we were successful , so we kept doing it . My mother didn 't notice anything … She didn 't care if I came home or not . The most important thing for her was money on the table for drugs and alcohol . Then one day I came home to see her cold , limp body lying on the floor ; she was dead . I don 't remember much about what happened that day , only that I was crying so much and couldn 't stop . I cried out all the hurt and anger that I 'd held inside all these years . I wasn 't an adult yet , so the state put me in a foster home . I was a real brat then . I missed school many times , not caring anymore about my education . I got into fights all the time and was always stealing . I didn 't follow any rules in the house . My new guardians couldn 't handle me . Finally , I was caught robbing a shop and got arrested . They put me in juvenile house ( prison for teenagers ) , until 21 years old - 4 years ! When they announced the sentence I was crying like a baby . I wasn 't so tough anymore . I begged them not to send me to prison . I was a frightened and abandoned little girl who 'd just gotten into a little mischief . I was handcuffed like a criminal , and I was waiting for something even worse . I 'd ended up like my father , and it could have been so different . I had no idea what would happen with me next , but I knew I would be tough and brave , and nobody would break me . I was not going to end up like my mother . They took me to temporary police arrest , and I saw 4 other girls around my age . They were sitting in handcuffs , and looked as scared as I felt . Of course I didn 't show anybody that I was scared ; I played a tough girl . I pretended that I didn 't care about anything or anyone , wearing a scowl so that nobody would mess with me . But on the inside I was shaking like jelly . Later in the evening guards searched our pockets and whole body . They put cuffs on our ankles so that we couldn 't escape . I couldn 't even move , much less try to escape ! Then they put us in the police bus that drove us to the juvenile house . When we finally arrived I was in so much pain . My muscles were stiff from sitting all night in the same position , so I was barely able to stand when they let us out . I wanted to rest a little and stretch out my body , but I couldn 't , because they hurried us up all the time . " Faster , faster , you are not on holiday here ! " said the biggest woman guard , who I called Robocop , as she got us out of the bus . There were seven of us in total . Seven bad girls , headed to prison . I looked around , noticing we were in the middle of nowhere in the southern part of the country . The prison was huge . It was surrounded with a high wall with barbed wire on top , and the windows held bars . There was completely nothing beyond the prison , only mountains . Nobody could escape , and if someone tried , the guard had a good view of the escaper and could easy catch her or him . Everything was located in a perfect way . There was only one road to the prison and nothing else . The guard took us into a small building . It was a big bathroom with toilets and showers , and was connected to a locker room . We were left in the care of the women guards inside , who were dressed in uniform and looked big and strong . Their faces scared me . Next to their height , I looked like a small child ( actually I always looked smaller than girls my age , thanks to the blond hair and blue eyes I got from my father ) . One of the guards came over and unchained me . I felt relieved , and immediately started to rub my wrists hoping that the pain would subside . I looked at the other girls and they started to undress themselves without protest . So I did the same , although I didn 't want to . I wasn 't used to someone giving me commands . I was always a master of my own destiny and no one tried to tell me what to do . When I was standing only in my bra and panties I heard another sharp voice : " We will be here until you are all naked , so hurry up , I don 't have all day ! " I felt very shy , but I was too terrified and tired to protest . First I took off my bra and later my panties . I was standing naked in front of everyone , so immediately covered my private parts , but not for long . It all started to annoy me , and my fear turned to anger . " No one is going to order me around , I am not someone 's slave , nor am I a pushover , " I thought to myself and didn 't move a bit . The guard noticed my insubordination and came to me , inspecting me from top to toe with her cold eyes . When I didn 't move again , I got a slap on my face . My hand spontaneously went to cover my burning cheek . I didn 't manage to react when I felt that another guard took me by my arm , and dragged me to the table in the corner of the room . " We have a special method for dealing with such girls like you . You are not the first , nor the last , and if you aren 't going to cooperate with us , we will use force on you . So you better think about it before you do something stupid , " she said . I don 't know what got into me , but I started to struggle and kick . I wanted to free myself from her grip and get her to just leave me alone . But the more I struggled the stronger she held onto me . She bent me so that I was laying with my face down on the table . I couldn 't move and my bottom was in plain sight . From the corner of my eye , I saw another guard putting on latex gloves . In a few second I felt her wet and sticky finger slipping into my vagina . I struggled more and more but the hold was too strong . " Stand still . This is our procedure , " said the guard as she slipped her finger into my anus . I yelled again . Then she finally pulled her finger out and stood me on my feet . Afterwards she wrote something in her notepad , and took me to the bathroom with the shower . She turned the water on , and told me to wash myself . I was happy that they didn 't do it for me , but they watched while I was showering . It was very embarrassing . After that , the guard just threw the towel in my side , and told me to dry off . I was still naked , those witches didn 't let me keep that towel to cover myself . I was so angry . I was not a type of submissive person like my mother was . I promised to myself that I would not let anyone break me . The guard gave me some clothes and ordered me to dress . The clothes were awful . They were new , but I wasn 't going to wear such a nasty thing ! It was a creamy dress resembling a tennis dress with a collar . With it were knee socks , a blue jumper , and trainers without shoelaces . " Forget about it ! I won 't wear this crap ! This is from last century … Don 't you watch any TV here ? What a dump . Do you have anything different ? " I said and threw the clothes back to them . " No ! You stupid bitch ! " I shouted to her face . She came to me and grabbed me by my ear . " Ow ! Let go of me you sadist ! It hurts ! " " You 've earned it , we 're going to the principal , " she said and pulled me harder by my ear , dragging me naked through the whole corridor . It hurt like hell . I shouted at her and pleaded , hoping that she would let me go , but she didn 't . I finally found myself in the principal 's office . I don 't know how , but he wasn 't surprised to see me . The guard let go of my ear and stood me in the middle of the office . Then she went to the corner of the room and discreetly observed the scene . The office was spacious , and everything was made from dark wood . At the window was standing a big oak desk with a swivel chair . On the right side was a brown leather sofa and small coffee table , while on the left was a big bookcase full of books . On the wall hung lots of picture and different diplomas . I stood there completely naked and afraid , tired and embarrassed . I wanted to be a tough girl so much . Deep in my heart I wasn 't really such a brat at all ; I was a good , sensitive , loving and empathetic girl . The street turned me into the girl that I 'd become because if you 're weak on the streets , you won 't survive . But I didn 't want to be like that at all . I dreamt of living in a tiny house surrounded by a white picket fence . It would be on the hillside near the lake , and there 'd be a little fountain in front of the house . The water in the lake would change colour every time the sun would shine on it . I would have a normal job and a happy family . My child would never have such a crummy life like me . In the evenings my husband and I would be sitting on our patio and drinking a glass of wine while hugging each other on the bench , talking and dreaming about future . I hid my true self , though , so that nobody would know who I was or what I was feeling . So every time I felt like chickening out and just crying , I reminded myself of my mother … such a weak and mentally - wrecked woman . I couldn 't turn into her . I stood there naked , waiting for what would happen next . I covered myself again , feeling exposed and humiliated , and I even started to feel cold . Most of all I wanted to just put on those stupid clothes and get this all over with . I didn 't know what had gotten into me , getting in trouble on the very first day of my sentence . The principal stood up and came towards me . He was a handsome man with short dark hair and slight sideburns . He looked to be about 42 years old and was dressed in a dark suit with a white shirt and blue tie . He gave me a penetrating stare , and I thought that he would slap me like that bitch guard , but nothing happened . To my surprise he smirked at me . His hands were behind his back as he paced around me , eyeing me closely . I was happy that he allowed me to cover my private parts . Maybe he wasn 't so bad after all . Finally he spoke . " I read your file , miss Marta Kowalska , and I knew that we would meet soon , but I didn 't think it would be so fast . I don 't know if you 've noticed , but we have video cameras here almost everywhere . We see everything . As you know this prison is of maximum security , and we have a special method for dealing with such a girl like you . Soon you will get a handbook of our rules , but right now you will be punished for your bed behaviour . We don 't tolerate any disobedience . Now put your hands by your sides and stand straight . " I didn 't want to protest any more , so I did as told . I was afraid of him ; he had something in his eyes that I wasn 't able to resist . He went to the desk and took out a leather strap , 30 cm long and 5 cm wide . He lashed the strap in the air , like he was checking to see if it still works , and I realized what was about to happen . I 'd never been spanked before , and that strap scared me ! I ran to the door , wanting to escape , but I hadn 't thought rationally . The guard caught me near the door and escorted me back to my place . The principal gestured for her to lay me on the desk and hold me down . He stood behind me and as I felt the first stroke , hard and burning , I screamed . Another one came next and then another . I screamed after every smack . I 've never felt such a pain like that before ! Yes indeed , I been in plenty of fights before , but that was a completely different pain ! After another hard smack I started to struggle , trying to free myself from the guard 's strong grip , but I couldn 't move . I promised myself that I wouldn 't cry . I wouldn 't give that asshole the satisfaction of thinking that he broke me . But with every smack my silent promise was getting slashed . I wasn 't used to such intensive pain . I tightened all my muscles and gritted my teeth to endure the horrible pain . I screamed and struggled , and already I had tears in my eyes . One more smack and I would burst into tears ! " Don 't cry , don 't cry , " I repeated to myself in my mind . I was thinking about my suffocated mum , it always worked . My bottom was burning like hell . When I thought I couldn 't stand it any more , he finally stopped , and the Robocop guard loosened her grip and stood me on my feet . Uff , I managed not to cry . I immediately started to rub my bottom ; I didn 't care about the shame anymore , I didn 't care about anything . I wiped off the tear from my cheek and looked into his eyes with hate . " That was your first lesson of discipline . You better learn this lesson unless you want to repeat this again . If you want to spend these four years without any problems , you must follow all rules . So , are you going to dress yourself , or you need my help ? " he said . I grabbed my clothes from the desk and quickly got dressed . He observed my every move . When I was fully dressed I looked at him again . He was still holding a strap in hand . " I 'm sorry sir , " I said , ignoring the rest . I just couldn 't say it ! It was so stupid that stuck in my throat . Without waiting he grabbed me by the arm and laid me across his knees , giving me five hard smacks on the bottom . I yelled from the fresh pain . Maybe I was tough but not stupid . I knew I wouldn 't be able to stand it any more . " I 'm sorry sir , and thank you for the punishment ! " I said loud and clear , looking straight in his eyes . My father had always said that avoiding aye contacts means cowardice . I turned back and went to the door , and Robocop took me to my room ( later on I found out that her name was Jadwiga , but for me she would always be a big killing machine without any human feeling ) . My room was a small cell , 2 . 5m x 2 . 5m wide , with a small barred window on top . There was a bed and a desk , and in the corner stood a small sink and toilet , and of course an intrusive video camera hanging from the ceiling . The whole building was very modern and guarded well . To my surprise the cell door was not closed , though actually there was no need to do this because of the cameras and guards . Fucking BIG BROTHER ! On my bed I found extra clothes and the handbook of rules . I pushed everything to the side and laid down , face to the pillow as I burst into tears , crying myself to sleep . I only woke up when the guard shouted it was time for the assembly . I quickly stood and followed her , meeting the girls who had been on the bus with me . There were ten of us new girls for the assembly . After introductions and other stupid things , the principal entered . He noticed me at once , but said nothing . He started to talk about this prison , and about rules and everything we should know . After that there was a breakfast and I went back to my room and began to read the handbook . It wasn 't as bad as I 'd thought . If you were a good foster child you had a quite good life here - with progress and good behaviour , you would be rewarded . But as soon as you messed up , you were punished . Being in the middle of nowhere was a nightmare . I just wasn 't able to submit to these girls , teachers , guards … everything ! Everywhere was rules , rules and rules . I 'd never had anyone to care for me , or tell me what is right and wrong . Usually I 'd lived alone , so all the supervision and cameras annoyed me ( cameras were even in toilets ! ) . I felt suffocated and oppressed . I was choking here - Even thinking was difficult for me . I was always angry and in a bad mood . In addition , there were only girls in my building ; boys had separate buildings . Each building housed 50 adolescents , ages 12 to 21 , and there were 4 buildings for each gender , 400 of us in total . School was mandatory , but we could choose the type of school we wanted to attend . I chose a secondary school since I hadn 't taken it seriously before and had been expelled . Most of the girls , though , chose vocational school to gain skills for an occupation . If the first week in prison was a nightmare for me , the second week was even worse . I had no friends because of my continuous bad mood . I rebelled against everyone and everything . A few times I had to clean toilets for cursing , and then a few times I was spanked by my guardian . But I didn 't care … my guardian was a total asshole . He didn 't care about me . He was supposed to help me but didn 't do a good job . He pretended that he socially integrated me and I pretended that I listened to him . But in reality , I was behaving irrationally . I was really stupid and crazy . The street had brainwashed me . All I wanted to do was show everyone that I wasn 't a wimp . After two months I received a message about my father 's death . The principal came to me to tell me about it . He told me that my dad had a heart attack and died in prison . He was very sorry , but I was not sorry at all . In fact my father was a stranger to me . He was never beside me when I needed him . The principal apologized that he couldn 't send me to the funeral because of my bad behaviour . I only shook my head and said nothing . We sat for a while without taking , until he finally spoke and told me that my father left an insurance policy . Apparently my father wasn 't as stupid I 'd thought … He 'd left me a quite large sum of money . I would receive it when I turned 21 . That was good news - I wouldn 't have to worry about money after I left this stupid place . One less problem . The principal patted me on my shoulder and left my room . A few days later I got into big trouble during a history lesson . I started arguing with my teacher about some national hero . In my opinion he was a hero , but in her mind he wasn 't . So I told her that she was wrong , because I 'd read lots of book about it . She said her arguments and told me that the topic was over . I got so angry that I told her she shouldn 't be a teacher , and that she is a stupid bitch . I was so mad that I wanted hit her , but the guard stopped me . By that time , it didn 't matter who was right , I hadn 't shown any respect to the teacher , and that was a big NO NO . Again I found myself in principal 's office with the guard who kept a firm grip on my arm . The principal came to me and looked straight into my eyes . I felt scared to see him looking like that . My heart was racing . I don 't know what happened with me , but I started explain to him my bad behaviour before he said something . I talked a lot and a lot without thinking . I didn 't want a spanking , but without a word he took off his leather belt and told me to stand at the desk . I walked to it slowly , not feeling so brave anymore . He gave me a long lecture about respecting other , discipline , and other important things . I did as I was told . I felt him lift up my dress and take my panties down to my knees . He hit me with the belt the first time and I hissed . Then came a second and third blow . I screamed after each smack . He didn 't rush , he wanted me to feel deeply every stroke , and he was very good at this . After tenth stroke I started to wriggle and wail . After the fifteenth I shouted . When the next stroke hit me on my sit spot I covered my bottom with my hand . I took my hand back and he gave me another two smacks with the belt . When the next two hit me in the same place I covered myself again . It hurt like hell ! The principal didn 't say a word , just grabbed my wrist and pressed it to my back , then hit me three more times . I was almost at the limit of my stamina . Tears were coming to my eyes , and there was no end . He hit me a few more times in the same place and finally broke me . I burst into tears . I was crying like a baby , and I couldn 't stop . He 'd won and he knew it . Spontaneously I started to beg him to stop . I told him how sorry I was , everything to make him stop . My reputation of a ' tough girl ' died . I was so hysterical that I hadn 't even realised the spanking was over . I felt him stand me on my feet . My face was red and puffy . Tears were falling down my cheeks and my nose was snotty . My panties fell down to my ankles . I was so embarrassed , yet I didn 't care , I cared only about my burning backside . I stared to rub it furiously . The principal waited until I stopped , then passed me tissue to wipe my nose . When I recovered a little , he told me to pull my panties back . I did it quickly , but it was really painful . I was afraid to look in his eyes . We both were silent for a while . Then he lifted my chin and made me to look at him . " I hope that this time will be the last time when we met in such unpleasant circumstances . Do you think that I like to cause you a senseless pain ? No I don 't . I do this to show you a right way because I care about you . The way you chose so far is wrong and goes nowhere . You are a talented and intelligent girl , and you can succeed . It only depends on you how your life will look . " When he was saying that , for the first time since I can remember , someone cared about me . But in that time I didn 't appreciate the attention . I was insubordinate all the time , and I was drowning in my own swamp . It was a really hard time for me . It wasn 't such a simple thing to be good again , since nobody had given a damn about me in ages . At some point in my life I 'd put a ' tough girl mask ' on my face and my life suddenly became easier . Unfortunately after so many years of wearing that mask , it stuck on me and I couldn 't easily take it off . I looked in the principal 's eyes , hating him in that moment . He was trying to take my mask from me , but I wasn 't ready yet . I became tough again . I went back to my room . My backside was burning so I lay on my tummy . I don 't know why but I was thinking about what he said and felt terrible . I had only been there three months and already had enough of everything . This place was a nightmare for me . I couldn 't imagine spending four years in that hellhole . The next day everything was as usual . When lessons were over everybody went to lunch . As normal I was standing in the queue waiting for my turn . When I was waiting and waiting I saw that teachers were leaving the main door of the building without anyone noticing . I don 't know what got into me , but I thought about escape . I went to that door and just left the building . I barely passed the door when all hell broke loose . A siren started to shriek . Everyone was confused , unsure of what was happening . Guards were ready for action . Doors closed automatically , preventing anyone from leaving . I started to run as fast as I could , needing this escape . After 10 seconds I heard the loud voice from megaphone . " STOP right there and don 't move ! You are surrounded ! Put your hands in the air and kneel . Don 't try to escape , otherwise we use force . " I knew I had no chance of escaping . Actually I 'd known it from the beginning , and now for sure my actions would have painful consequences . I slowly put my hands on my head and kneeled . Two guards came over and handcuffed me . I didn 't resist , knowing I wouldn 't win . For my actions I spent two days in the isolation room without a window to look out of or anyone to talk to . I had a lot of time to think there . I was wondering about all my life and everything I 've done so far . My bad behaviour was only getting me in trouble , nothing else . I 've never wanted to finish like my father , and I was realizing that I 'd done everything to be just like him . When there is nobody to talk to , every minute feels like an hour . After one day I had enough . Why had I done this , why ? I was in a bad mental state . I was depressed . I didn 't want think anymore , I didn 't want to do anything , even live . After two days , which was forever for me , the door finally opened . I got up from the bed and went to the door . I was dirty and didn 't care about what would happen with me . When I passed the door I saw the principal . He looked at me and I noticed a disappointment in his eyes . I realised myself that he really wanted to help me , and I was disappointing him every time . I put my head down . I was sorry . For the first time in my life I was really sorry that I 'd behaved like that . I didn 't get a spanking then . Two days in isolation caused me to change my attitude . The principal noticed that change . He sent me to therapist to prove my mental condition . Those meetings really helped me . I wasn 't a teenager looking for trouble anymore . I finally accepted the stay in this prison . The rest of my sentence I spent without any trouble . Lots of talking with the principal , teachers and the therapist made me think that my destiny is in my hands , and it didn 't have to go in a wrong way at all . Time was passing slowly , but with no problems . To make it faster I focused on learning . I had always been a good student . On my 18th birthday the principal came to my room with a small birthday cake and gave me a book I 'd always wanted to read . There was a dedication on the first page . ' There are some things in life which are worth fighting for . Even when it feels like it couldn 't be worse , don 't abandon your dreams and always be yourself . ' Below was his signature and the date . " You are welcome . My dream is that you need to leave this place with pride , and show the whole world what you 've got , and who you really are . I believe in you and I know you will succeed . " After that everything completely changed . For the next whole year I wanted to prove to principal that he was right about me . I focused on learning and avoided troubles . Principal was helping me , and I started to treat him like the father I 'd never had . Sometimes I 'd think how wrong I 'd been about him . In the beginning I 'd thought that he was a sadist and tyrant , but no , he really wanted to help all those kids who missed their right way . After three years I wasn 't learning for him , but for myself . My dreams had the chance to come true . I graduated with distinction from the secondary school and decided to go to university . The whole management was very satisfied with my decision . Since I became a different person , or I rather took off my ' tough girl mask ' and became the person I 'd always been deep in my heart . They gave me the chance to study outside the prison in a free world . Everyday a guard took me to the University and drove me back to the prison . They trusted me , but I worked very hard for it . I wasn 't stupid anymore , I wasn 't going to destroy everything I 'd achieved so far by prison break . That would make no sense , especially since I only had six months left to serve . The much - awaited end of my sentence fell on my 21st birthday . The girls made a big farewell party for me . Before I left the complex I had a long conversation with the principal . He gave me lots of advice and reassurances that everything would be all right . He gave me his private phone number in case I would like to talk to him . I hugged him and thanked him for everything . " I know you won 't . Since the first time I saw you , I thought then , this girl has big potential , but she lost herself . I 'm sure you 'll make it . I hope you will ring your old guardian to say hello ? " I left the prison as a different person . I was a young woman with a past , but thanks to my father 's money and a small allowance from the prison I could graduate my studies and buy a small apartment . I broke off all contact with the past . Without a problem I got a job in a corporation as a Swedish translator . Everything went in a right way . I started to earn my own money . I was so happy then . At work I met my future husband . His name was Konrad . It wasn 't a love from the first sight , but second . We were dating , and every time we met , we became closer to each other . I didn 't hide my past , I told him everything , and he didn 't judge me and I was happy . He was happy that I told him the truth and he said that from now on we would start our new life , and he is in love with me . I was in love too , and after a year we got married . The wedding was very small and intimate . After 10 minutes we arrived to a place place . I came out from the car . The landscape was beautiful . Far away there were big mountains , and closer to us a valley with a river . The narrow path went down to the river , so we walked there . When I saw a view I just couldn 't speak . It took my breath away . I saw a little white house with a white fence suffused in the morning sun . It looked beautiful . I sold my apartment , and after six months we moved in . Another good news was that I was pregnant . Our son Jacob was born . We were happy and all my dreams came true . I invited principal to my son 's baptism . We hadn 't seen each other since I left the prison . When he arrived hugged for a few minutes , then Konrad finally met my saviour . The three of us talked almost all night . Principal told me that he is proud of me . Now my son is three years old , and my life is still happy . Konrad and I thinking about having another baby . I like my job . In my free time I signed up for a social project , and I help kids who were just as I had been . Kids listen to my lectures because they know that if I could succeed , that they can do as well . Knowing that I can help others was very satisfying . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :

Disclaimer : I don 't own NCIS . DPB , CBS Television , Belisarius Productions , and other people are the lucky ones who do own NCIS . I might own my sanity , but some days that 's debatable . I 'm making no profit off of this , so please don 't sue . If I have any sanity left , I 'd like to hold on to it . He felt it in an instant . Mid - sentence , she was gone , her smile cut tragically short , her voice fading into nothingness , into eternity , never to be heard again . He felt her blood as it hit him , the warmth fading far quicker than he knew possible . Time quit moving as he turned his attention to her , watching her fall , the small hole in the middle of her forehead so final , like the period at the end of a sentence . Just like that , she was gone . While Gibbs raised his gun to shoot her killer , Tony couldn 't move , couldn 't breathe , as if a part of him had been killed when the bullet shattered her skull and tore through her brain . He already knew it was hopeless ; neither of them had a weapon capable of reaching Ari across the open space on the other rooftop . Chances were , Ari knew it too . Tony could picture the sick and twisted smile on his face , hear his words , whispered across the distance , as he uttered an apology to Kate . And Tony knew , without a doubt , that if Ari ever crossed Gibbs 's path again , any of their paths , he would never live to see another moment . His fate was sealed as surely as Kate 's . Looking down at her now - still form , a body so filled with life just a moment earlier , he broke . He would never know if they had a chance . He would never know if she really was too smart to get involved with a guy like him or , as she claimed , if she really could see herself one day marrying a guy like him . He would never know . There was no undoing what had been done , no rewind button for him to hold his finger on and send these last few moments in reverse , bringing Kate back to life . No way to correct this . Her blood was still on him , coating him , still cooling . It was on his face , his hands , his chest , so close to his heart . As time began to move again , he realized he was going down , beside her , the roof of the building moving quickly upward to greet him . In an instant , Gibbs was beside him , beside them , but Tony never knew that . He never heard Gibbs 's shout of anger , frustration , pain , and sadness . The darkness had already claimed him , pulling him down into someplace where none of this had happened . When he came to , he was lying flat on his back on something far softer than the roof of the building should have been . Opening his eyes , he blinked in the sunlight , focusing on Gibbs 's face . The expression Gibbs wore should have told him all he needed to know , but he had to try , he had to know for sure , had to erase all doubt in his mind . He could replay every moment that had passed on the rooftop , but some part of him hoped it hadn 't happened , that he was really still lying back on that bed in isolation , Kate sleeping peacefully sleeping in the next bed . He could still hope that he was only dreaming . If a man didn 't have hope , what else did he have ? Gibbs shook his head slowly , saying sadly , " She 's gone , Tony . There was nothing anyone could have done . It was a shot that was meant to kill . " Closing his eyes , Tony felt his world spin even though he wasn 't moving . He could feel the burning of his tears as they welled behind his closed lids . There was no hope and he was left with nothing . Tony didn 't want to stick around . He wanted to go somewhere , anywhere else , some place where Kate was still alive , a place where she would come walking around the corner , a smile on her face , pulling off her Kevlar vest and laughing because he had been so concerned . But that wasn 't going to happen . And he didn 't want Gibbs to see him cry , didn 't want Gibbs to see how much this hurt him . Gibbs would never cry like this . Reluctantly , Tony opened his eyes , looking up into the stormy blue ones of his boss . Tony felt the tears as they spilled out of his eyes , cutting a salty path through the blood , now dried , on his cheeks . In the eyes above him , he saw pain and sadness … and tears . Gibbs was human after all , and capable of feeling loss . Turning his head to the side , Tony took in the scene around him . Medical and law enforcement personnel were milling everywhere , going in seemingly a million different directions , all going about a hundred miles per hour . Across from him , no more than ten or twelve feet away was another stretcher , the body on this one zipped up in a black body bag . Her . Kate . Gone . A few feet beyond her was McGee , looking sadly at the stretcher supporting the body of their coworker . Tony could see the tears falling from his eyes , too , and for once , Tony felt no urge to make fun of him . Instead , Tony felt like they all belonged to the same special club , a club now mourning the loss of their raison d ' être . " No , " Gibbs answered , shaking his head , " thankfully . But you passed out cold up there . They 're going to take you to the hospital just to make sure you are okay , though . " For once , Tony felt no need to protest . He didn 't have the energy to protest , nor the will . If it would have brought Kate back , he would have put up a hell of a fight , but it wouldn 't have changed anything . Nothing would change anything . Closing his eyes , Tony surrendered to the darkness that was calling his name . He didn 't want to deal with this anymore . Dealing with it ever again would have been too soon . He took another week off . As he understood it , everybody on the team took a few days off , took the time to mourn . Her funeral had been held the day after Memorial Day , a cold and rainy day , very unusual for late May , but somehow appropriate , as if all the heavens were weeping for her . Perhaps they were , though Tony found it odd that the heavens would choose her to waste their tears on , not when children were killing other children every night , not when fathers and mothers were killing their own flesh and blood . Why should the heavens weep for Kate when others were far more deserving ? The rain fell as hard as his tears did as he watched the coffin as it was lowered into the ground . Though he knew Gibbs was holding onto his shoulder to give him comfort , it didn 't reach into his soul . Nothing could penetrate that deep , except the pain of her loss . Tony didn 't even know the depths of his own emotions for her , until it was too late . Rain drops hit the polished wood , paused , and slid off , destined to be buried with her . Tony was the last man standing as the dirt was thrown on the coffin , covering Kate 's final bed for all eternity . Turning , he trudged back to the black SUV where the remaining members of the team were waiting for him . Dressed in her usual black , though far more subdued , her hair not in their usual pigtails , Abby took his hand and led him into the back seat of the vehicle . Resting her head on his shoulder , she squeezed his hand tightly . " We all miss her , Tony . But it will get better . " At the reception , Tony met Kate 's brothers , all good guys , and their children . Her mother , too , was there , a quiet and broken woman , displaying none of the strength Kate had shown in life . After staying for an appropriate amount of time , and picking at food he didn 't want to eat , Tony gave up and went home . Walking into work for the first time , the first day without her there , was one of the hardest things Tony had ever done . Her desk sat empty , unused , all her stuff cleared in preparation for a new agent . Tony already knew her voicemail had been disabled , as he had called it several times just to hear her voice , only to find it gone one day . Just like her . NCIS was nothing if not efficient . Opening his desk drawer to grab a pen to take notes as he listened to his voicemail messages , Tony was startled by the appearance of a spiral bound book in the drawer . Kate 's sketchbook , full of her drawings . Pulling it out , Tony gently opened it and flipped through the pictures . There were a few of Gibbs hard at work , one or two of McGee , Ducky , several with Abby at her equipment in the lab ( and one of Abby posing in a very seductive position ) , and a few of himself , more than he thought she had . Though Tony couldn 't remember ever telling her how good she was , Kate had been quite talented . The last picture in the notebook , the last one she had been working on , was of him . It hadn 't been completed , and never would be . He would remain forever frozen at his desk , asleep , and incomplete , but in that reality , Kate was still alive , her hand poised over the paper , gripping the pencil between her slender fingers . Looking up at the less experienced agent , Tony said , " Thanks , McGee . " He was glad they had given it to him . No matter what happened in his life from here on out , he would treasure this forever , some small part of her . Setting it down on his desk , the cover closed , he was reluctant to turn away , as if someone might snatch it from him , much like she had been snatched from him . A month later , it caught up to him , and Gibbs called him on it . Standing in one of the unused interrogation rooms , Tony let Gibbs rant , not having the will to argue with him . Plus , Gibbs was right . He had become more reckless , more careless with his own safety . He had been overworked and hadn 't been taking care of himself . Many pounds lighter than he had been several weeks earlier , his body less toned , Tony knew that Gibbs had a point . Finishing his tirade , Gibbs tossed a small card out onto the steel table between them , sat down , crossed his arms , and watched Tony 's every move . Tony knew he was free to leave , but knowing Gibbs , he would probably be out of a job if he walked out that door . Sighing , Tony took a seat across from Gibbs and picked up the card . On it was the name of a psychologist , a phone number , and an address . " That 's not an option . " Gibbs was not going to let Tony fall , was not going to lose two agents to a single action by one man . " Take some time off , as much as you need . You 're a good agent , there will space for you when you 're ready to come back . " " No . Medical leave . " Looking down , Gibbs sighed before he went on , " I don 't think any of us knew how deep things went between you and Kate . " Giving Tony a moment of silence , Gibbs continued , " We all miss her , Dinozzo . Her loss has affected all of us , but you … " he trailed off . He was usually straight - forward when he spoke , unafraid to say anything , but given Tony 's fragile emotional state , he hesitated to take his chances . " Can 't get passed it , " Tony finished for him . " I know . " Leaning back in his chair , Tony spoke some more , " I didn 't know how much I cared for her until I had the plague , until she was willing to stay with me when I was sick and she wasn 't . Once I realized that she wasn 't sick , that she had her mask on so I wouldn 't infect her , that 's when I realized that I would do the same for her , that she did it because she cared about me . " Pausing for a moment , he was forced to blink back a few tears . He hadn 't talked about any of this since her death , had tried not to think about it , but it was there , a heavy weight that was settled on his chest , pressing down , making it difficult to breathe normally . " When she took that first bullet , the one that was meant for you , when I saw her lying there … I was so relieved when she got up , and then … " " It isn 't easy , Tony , " Gibbs said , reverting to using Tony 's first name , given the intensity of the conversation . " But you need to give yourself time . You need to let it hurt . " " As long as you need . You 're a good agent , you 're good at what you do , " Gibbs admitted , one of his few compliments . " I want you to come back , but I don 't want you risking your life , or the lives of others , by making stupid decisions , like you have been . " Smiling slightly , he added , " And put some weight back on . I don 't need to be worrying about whether or not my agent is going to pass out because he hasn 't eaten when we 're out in the field . " Tony tried to smile at the last comment , but he wasn 't sure it ever reached his lips . Rising from his chair , Gibbs squeezed Tony 's shoulder as he walked past . " This team needs you , Dinozzo . Don 't forget that . " As he left the room , Tony heard the door shut behind Gibbs , the sound echoing in the small space . Putting his head down on the table , Tony couldn 't help but wonder how his life had come to this . He had watched them in the bullpen , circling , dancing to music only they could hear . Watching them glide over the floor , he couldn 't help but wish he was the one holding her ; he wanted to feel her soft skin , her gentle weight in his arms . He would hold her close , kiss her softly , never let her go . If he never let her go , she could never be hurt , Ari would never be able to point his gun at her and pull the trigger . They would stay like that , floating on air , safe with each other . If only … Opening his eyes , he let the sunlight in , the warmth covering his entire body . This was one good thing about being off of work - no phone calls in the middle of the night and sleeping in as late as he pleased . Blinking in the light , he stretched , the linen of his sheets sliding across his body , which was getting ever thinner . Despite his best efforts , which were admittedly pathetic , he had no interest in food . Nothing smelled good , nothing tasted good , and much of what he tried to eat , he couldn 't swallow . On a few occasions , what he had managed to get in his stomach hadn 't stayed there . After the confrontation with Gibbs , Tony had called the psychologist . On his first visit , he had signed the consent form , giving the doctor permission to tell Gibbs that he had been there . While no details of their sessions would be released , Gibbs could check up on him , make sure he was attending the sessions , and find out if he was improving . Tony was not going to be allowed to return to work until the good doctor gave him permission . Closing his eyes , Tony rolled over , pulling the covers up to his chin . He had been having a great dream . He and Kate had been dancing in the bullpen at work . The world had gone on around them , but they were left alone , untouched and unharmed . The banging on his front door removed Tony from his remembrance of that dream . They were banging awfully hard if he could here it all the way upstairs . Shutting his eyes tighter , he willed them to go away . When it became obvious they weren 't leaving , he slid out of bed and went downstairs , intending to get rid of them , prepared to push them off his porch if necessary . He was not , however , prepared to open the door and see Abby standing there , who was prepared to push her way in . Catching him off - guard , she entered his home , shut the front door behind them , and embraced Tony in a hug . " How are you doing , Tony ? " she asked as she released him from her hold . Noticing Tony 's state of undress , Abby said , " Love the outfit . You should wear it everyday . " Biting her tongue , she chose not to comment on the weight loss . " That 's too bad , " Abby shrugged , moving down the hall to the kitchen . " Because I was going to take you out for a cup of coffee . " Cocking her head to the side , she continued as if she could read his mind , " And I still am . Had you been expecting company , you could have already showered and been dressed and we could have been there a little sooner . Teach me to show up unannounced … " she grinned . As Tony opened his mouth to protest , Abby cut him off , " No excuses , Tony , you are getting out of this house , even if I have to drag you out kicking and screaming . " Sighing , Abby rolled her eyes . " Didn 't I just tell you I would drag you out of this house kicking and screaming if I had to ? I may be smaller than you , Tony , but I 'm tough , and I mean it , I will drag you . So I suggest you go upstairs and get ready to go . " Her voice had lost the joking tone , and Tony was beginning to suspect Gibbs had put her up to it . Behind his back , Abby smiled and said , " That 's the spirit ! And while you 're at it , put on a smile . It looks good on you . " Tony trudged up the stairs , his body feeling as if it weighed several tons . After a few minutes , Abby heard no movement above her head and figured she had better go check on him . As she got to the top of the stairs , she could see Tony was back in bed , his back to her , the covers pulled up high again . Rounding the corner , Abby took a few running steps into the bedroom and jumped onto the bed , stretching herself out next to Tony . She had him right where she wanted him . " Please ? " she begged , widening her eyes and giving Tony her best pleading puppy - dog , which she had to admit was rather good . " For me ? Pretty please with a cherry on top ? " Knowing he was a sucker , Tony sighed and got up off the bed , moving towards the bathroom . " Fine . I 'll be out in a few minutes . " Later , settling across from each other into two overstuffed yellow chairs , a small black table between them , at the coffee bar down the block from Tony 's townhouse , Abby got down to business . They had been quiet on the walk from the house , Abby secretly enjoying the sunshine . Despite her reputation as a lab - rat and her pale skin , she loved to be out in the sun . There was no better natural anti - depressant than sunshine . " You been going to your therapy sessions ? " she asked . No sense in dancing around the giant elephant in the room . Shrugging her shoulders , Abby took a sip of her drink . " I don 't know . If he has been , he hasn 't told any of the rest of us . " At least some parts of his life were staying private at work . " Most of them , " Tony responded honestly . There had been a few times where he just hadn 't been able to drag himself from the bed to go . " And they 're going okay ? " Abby asked , concerned . Tony didn 't look good , his skin was pale , he was too thin , there were dark circles under his eyes , and he looked listless , lost . This wasn 't the Tony they all knew . It had been two months since Kate 's death , and though it still hurt , the rest of them had managed to go on with their lives , find some way to move on without her . Tony nodded as he said , " I guess so . " Taking a tentative sip of his coffee , Tony waited a beat before he spoke . He hadn 't talked to anyone at work since he left . Ducky had called and left a message once when Tony didn 't answer the phone , asking him to call back . Tony hadn 't . Gibbs hadn 't even called to check up on him , though Tony wasn 't surprised . He didn 't do well with emotional stuff . Kate would have called , had she been able . When he was out sick , recovering from his bout of the plague , Kate had called several times to check on him . He missed her . " She says I 'm depressed . " Like he needed a doctor to tell him that . Abby really felt for him . Picking at her muffin , she watched Tony . He was watching everything around him , but unable to meet Abby 's eyes . " You 'll make it through this , Tony . " " I 'm not sure I want to , " Tony admitted softly , staring at the muffin Abby had insisted on buying for him . He knew he wasn 't going to be able to stomach it and was sorry Abby had wasted her money . " The doctor wants to wait a little while longer before trying drugs , see if I can get past this on my own . " Turning his head , he met Abby 's gaze for the first time since they had taken a seat . The lack of life in his eyes was heartbreaking . Abby wanted to go to the doctor and smack her upside the head . If there was ever anyone who needed an extra push to get back on the right track , it was Tony . While she didn 't think chemical altering drugs were always the answer , there were times when they could be useful , and to Abby , this seemed like one of those times . For the first time , she found herself really concerned for Tony , and what he was capable of doing to himself . " Back when I was in high school , " Abby began , " I dated a really great guy . He was good looking , smart , talented , kind of like you , " she tilted her head to the side and grinned at Tony . " He was going to go somewhere in life , and we all knew it . I was so in love with John , convinced he and I were going to get married after graduation . Anyway , we went out one night , and even though he had downed quite a few drinks , he refused to let me drive his car . That car was his baby , and nobody drove it except him . " Looking down , picking at crumbs on her plate , Abby took a deep breath before continuing . Despite the distance of the years , the memory still pained her , and it wasn 't something she brought up very often . " John was going way too fast , and I knew it , but there was nothing I could do to stop him . " Looking back up at Tony , she went on , " He was thrown from the car when he hit the tree . They later determined that his seatbelt hadn 't been buckled , something I hadn 't noticed . I had a few bumps and bruises , a few scratches , but I was fine . John was on the pavement , still alive , though badly broken . " Taking a deep steadying breath , Abby sipped her coffee before continuing . " I climbed out of the car and sat with him . John was bleeding everywhere . He had gone head first through the windshield , and broken his back upon landing . His skull was crushed , his lungs punctured … " Shaking her head , Abby averted her eyes . " He didn 't have a chance . He was dead long before the paramedics arrived . " Taking a small bite of her muffin , Abby took another deep breath . This wasn 't easy for her to admit , and it wasn 't something she liked to relive . This had been the worst period in her life . " I couldn 't get passed it . I went to his funeral , but couldn 't bear to leave after it was over . Leaving meant leaving him . I couldn 't get out of bed to go to school , I couldn 't eat , nothing would stay down . " Grinning slightly , trying to make light of the situation , she added , " It was the most effective diet I 've ever been on , though I wouldn 't recommend it . " Taking another swallow of her coffee , she went on . " Finally , my mom took me to a doctor . He said I was depressed , but didn 't want to put me on medication , figuring I would get past it on my own . " Shrugging her shoulders , Abby leaned back in her chair . " I lost 30 pounds , weight I couldn 't afford to lose , failed to pass my classes that year because I quit going and had to repeat my junior year , missed out on a lot of stuff in the lives of my friends , contemplated suicide , ruined what had been a good relationship with my mom , but I made it . The doctor was right . I eventually pulled through . It wasn 't easy , though . And I haven 't forgotten John . He 's always with me . " " Don 't give up , Tony . I know it isn 't easy , and I know it seems like things will never get better , but they will . You just have to hold on . " Shaking his head , he whispered , " I 'm not sure I want to , Abbs . " There had been days when killing himself had seemed like a better option than continuing his life as it was . Some part of him had been glad that he had been forced to turn in his service weapon when he left to go on medical leave . Though he could easily obtain another weapon , it would take more effort than he was willing to give , and having a gun around would make that option seem much more appealing . " Then do it for her . Someday , you 'll have to do it for you , but if it gets you through this now , then do it for her . You know she would want you to go on living . She knew what her job was , she knew that every time she went to work , there was a chance that she wouldn 't come home . We all take that risk every day . " Tony knew , and he wouldn 't have had it any other way . Though some macho part of him may have wanted to protect Kate , keep her from her job , he knew that doing so would have destroyed a part of her , a part of her that he loved . Her willingness to risk her life to protect and help others was just one of the many things Tony loved about her , and taking that away would have been criminal . Leaning his head back , he closed his eyes . " Gibbs has been putting in a lot of time on his boat . " Lacking one team member and having another team member out on medical leave had shaken things up at work . Instead of working as a team , they were all farmed out and used where needed . Though Abby missed working on the cases like they used to , she wasn 't sorry to have more time off . She knew that sooner or later , another agent would come in to take Kate 's place , Tony would come back , and they 'd all work together again . Until then … " He told me the other day he named it after her . " Shaking her head , Abby rose slightly , lifting her rear end off the seat in order to pull out her wallet . Pulling out a slip of paper , she handed it to Tony . " I 'm getting it to remember her . " On the paper was a drawing , two letters bound together by two roses . The letter K had a rose wrapped around it , the bloom hanging downward off the bottom leg of the K . Lower and slightly to the right was a T , with a rose winding upwards , the bloom extending off the upper left portion of the letter , meeting to bind with the other bloom . Underneath was the date , May 25 , 2005 . The blooms were pink , the stems green , and the letters and the date were a deep purple . Staring at it , Tony felt tears well up in his eyes . It was beautiful . " Where are you getting it ? " he asked . Taking a sip of his own coffee , Tony pondered Abby 's newest tattoo . It didn 't sound like such a crazy way to remember Kate , although he wasn 't sure he wanted something that permanent on his body . And Gibbs had named his boat after her . Perhaps they were on to something , all of them except him . He was just … struggling , drowning in his sadness and loneliness . " We need you back at work , Tony . We aren 't even a team anymore , and we won 't be until we get somebody else , whether it 's because you come back or somebody comes in … " Abby trailed off , hating to say it . " Take over for Kate , " Abby corrected . " Word is that we 'll be getting somebody fresh . Even McGee had some experience , but this one will be fresh out of basic training . " " Oh . " Tony had known it was coming , sooner or later . And it wasn 't that he disliked McGee , it was just that McGee was fun to tease , fun to play with . If it really bothered McGee , Tony would have quit a long time ago . He wasn 't that mean . It was like Kate . He always teased her because it was fun , and Kate was always up for a comeback , always had something smart to say . Although , she wouldn 't have a comeback for him ever again . " Gibbs isn 't too happy about it . He wants to wait a while , see how we can manage without another agent , but you know how it is , and we need another member . " There was a rule at NCIS that teams had to have a certain number of members . Teams were allowed to still function if they were a member short , but only temporarily . At some point , someone new would be brought in . " Even Gibbs can 't convince Morrow to leave us alone , though . " " So what are you guys doing now ? " Tony asked . Without him , they were two members short . " What ever needs to be done helping out other teams . And endless mountains of paperwork . You wouldn 't believe how much paperwork needs to be done ! " Abby sighed . Their jobs weren 't all fun and games ; sometimes the paperwork had to be filled out . Watching this , Abby was determined to keep Tony talking . He seemed to be doing better now than when she had shown up . Talking , Abby told him about the types of work she and McGee had been doing , and how upset Gibbs was to not be able to handle their own cases . After a while , Tony 's muffin was gone , as was Abby 's , and their coffee supply depleted . " You want to go for a walk ? " Abby asked , hoping for more time in the sunlight and additional vitamin D . Nodding , Tony rose to his feet , offering to take Abby 's plate . Returning them to the girl behind the counter , he couldn 't help but notice her . She was short , only about 5 ' 2 " or so , her hair was cut short and dyed red , but dark brown roots were showing through , she had multiple holes in each ear , and a bar in her eyebrow . At any other point in time , Tony would have found her attractive , in a bad - girl sort of way , but his heart was still holding on to Kate . Meeting Abby at the door , they stepped out into the sunshine . Abby 's weekly visits helped . In time , they talked not just about work , but also about Kate , shared their memories , and mourned her loss . In some ways , the discussions with Abby were more healing than all the therapy sessions to which Tony was subjected . Two survivors , two people left behind after the death of someone , could talk about things doctor and patient could not . In mid - September , nearly four months after Kate 's death , Tony was given the okay to return to work . Three weeks earlier , Kate 's replacement had come in . Tony knew little about her , other than that she was young , inexperienced , and despite Abby 's best efforts to not like her , she was failing . Taking a deep breath , Tony pulled the front door of the building open and stepped into the lobby . Nodding at the guards , he trudged towards the elevators . It wasn 't that he didn 't want to come back , because he did , but he was nervous about how he would be received . He and McGee had met for lunch once , and both Gibbs and Ducky had dropped by his place once or twice to check on him , but the only person he had spent any real time with was Abby . Getting off on his floor , Tony was greeted by the wall showing the faces of NCIS 's most wanted . Ari 's picture had been added to the wall , after much arguing . Gibbs insisted , but Director Morrow sided with the FBI and believed the picture shouldn 't be there . Several times , Gibbs had entered the building only to find the picture removed from the wall , and every time , Gibbs hung it again . Abby had described to him the battle of wills between Gibbs and Morrow , and the battle in the bullpen when Morrow caught Gibbs replacing the picture . " He killed a federal agent ! " Gibbs had yelled at Morrow , looking down on the director from where he was standing on top of a chair . " What more do you want ? ! Does he have to fly a plane into a damn building to get up on this wall ? ! " Still yelling , Gibbs said , " He knew what he was doing , damnit . And I 'll bet you everything I have he enjoyed it ! This bastard is a double agent and can 't be trusted , and if he ever crosses my path again , or the path of any of my agents , " Gibbs turned to look at the members of his team that were present , assembled near McGee 's desk , " we will not hesitate to kill him . And that is final . " Looking at the face responsible for Kate 's death caused the anger to bubble up inside of him momentarily . Gibbs had been right . If Ari ever crossed his path , no matter when or where , Tony would kill him any way he could , even with his bare hands . Looking away , Tony moved towards his desk . Abby was waiting for him , as were Ducky , McGee , and Gibbs . Receiving a hug from Abby and handshakes from the other three , Tony actually felt glad to be back . He had missed this , the camaraderie of the team . He missed his life having a purpose . After several minutes , Tony was allowed to actually sit down at his desk . She was sitting where Kate once did , across the aisle from him . Even while she was sitting , Tony could see that she was small in stature . Her hair came to her shoulders , was blonde , and curled into small ringlets , and her eyes were seawater green . And she was young , probably in her early to mid - twenties . Rising as well , Tony shook her hand . He towered over her by more than six inches , but despite her small size , she stood tall and proud . Tony was willing to bet she was a tough one . " Yeah , " Tony nodded . " Look , I don 't want this to be awkward , " she said . " I don 't know everything that happened , but I do know who used to sit at my desk , and I know you cared a lot for her . I 'm not trying to take her place , and I don 't ever want you to think that I am . I can only hope that one day I 'll be an agent as good as she was . " " Only with the important stuff , " she smiled . " It can 't be easy for you to come back and have me here , and I understand and respect that . So if there is anything I can do to make it easier for you , just let me know . " " Will do , " Tony agreed . He could understand why Abby had not been able to dislike her . Anyone willing to step up like that had to be tough . And though Tony had only known her for a minute , he could tell she was bursting with personality . At the end of the day , Tony headed home . As he stepped in his front door , he glanced at the pictures on the wall in the entryway . " Hey , Kate , I 'm home , " he spoke to the pictures , smiling at the one in the middle . " She 's not too bad , either . Has your ambition and intelligence , though not quite as witty as you , looks nothing like you , but she 's not bad . She won 't replace you . No one ever will . " On the wall were five pictures , in simple black frames . Four of them were sketches of Kate 's , the ones he had liked best from those in her sketchbook . The center picture was a photograph of Kate that Tony had taken one day last spring at a crime scene . He was taking pictures , and Kate had been studying something on the ground . Needing to stretch her legs , she had stood up , smiling gently , and in the sunlight , had never looked more beautiful to Tony . On impulse , he had snapped a picture , and despite Kate 's pleas , hadn 't deleted it . Though Abby had teased him mercilessly when she downloaded the pictures from the camera to her computer , he had insisted that Abby keep it . Later , they were both grateful , as it was the last picture ever taken of her . He had all the pictures framed a few weeks earlier , and Abby had helped him hang them on the wall . They were his tribute to Kate , his way to remember her . Gibbs had his boat , Abby had her tat , and he had his wall . No matter where he moved in this life , he could always pack the pictures up and take them with him , carrying a piece of her . Life would go on . Life has always gone on . It 's what she would have wanted . That 's not to say that there wouldn 't be dark days ahead , for he knew there would be , but his life would go on . FINIS

Caution : This Mystery Sex Story contains strong sexual content , including Ma / Fa , Consensual , Tear Jerker , Cheating , First , Desc : Mystery Sex Story : Chapter 1 - My life was a mess . My marriages awful , but I loved my step - daughter like she was my own . I 'm not marking all the discripions . Don 't want to give too much away . Not a lot of sex but there is some . I need to thank my editors , LadyCibelle and Techsan for making my story a much better read . I also need to thank Jake Rivers for his input . Why don 't people understand how much cheating tears a family apart ? Day after day , week after week , the paper is always filled with divorce notices and dissolution of marriages . I should talk ; I 've been married twice and divorced once and am now a widower . Let me tell you my story . I guess I could say I got married too early the first time . Hell , I was only a teenager . My girlfriend and I played around with unsafe sex and of course she got knocked up . We thought we loved each other and got married . Our son was born and life looked pretty good . After a while the grind of married life , which I wasn 't ready for , started happening . Bills and more bills , her mom telling me I wasn 't good enough for her daughter , that Mary could have found someone better . She was always coming between my wife and me . I 'll agree I wasn 't the greatest catch but she sure wasn 't helping us much by tearing me down . I was a high school dropout and ended up working in a warehouse , moving furniture . At least we got a discount on all the furniture we bought . I worked a lot but missed doing the things teenage kids do . I 'm not feeling sorry for myself here . I made my bed and now had to sleep in it . I 'm just trying to paint a picture of our situation at the time . Mary didn 't use birth control and got pregnant with our second child . Her mother berated me for getting her daughter pregnant a second time , like it was all my fault , Mary could do no wrong . Nine months later we had our second son . We lived in a trailer park , which was all we could afford . We were even renting the trailer . I didn 't consider us what some people call trailer trash . We were a young couple trying to make their way in life . Unfortunately , we didn 't succeed . I forgot to mention that Mary 's parents were well off . Not rich but they had enough money to live comfortably . They helped buy a lot of the things we needed for the kids . They also bought things for Mary . They wouldn 't help us out financially . I knew her mom was working against me hoping our marriage would fail . Sex was the only thing holding it together and little by little we were doing less of that . One day I had had enough . I turned twenty one and went to the bar . I got drunk and got in my car . I was arrested for driving while intoxicated . It was the straw that broke the camel 's back . I lost my job and Mary 's mother convinced her to divorce me . Life didn 't go very well for me for a while after that . I moped around and kept drinking . I picked up a few bucks here and there doing odd jobs . My wife took the kids and moved back home with her mother . Every time I called their house , I got hung up on . One night after getting drunk I went over to their house and raised hell . I 'll admit I was a total idiot and threatened her parents . I was arrested again and a restraining order was issued . Now I wasn 't even allowed to see my sons . In the months and years that followed they turned the boys against me . As they were growing up they were told that I was a bad person and to stay away from me . I got even by not paying any child support ; not a smart move on my part but that 's what I did , or didn 't do in this case . About two years later Mary got remarried to some guy that worked in her dad 's office . I got a call one day from Mary 's attorney asking me to relinquish my rights to the boys and they would stop the proceeding against me for back child support . It seems that Mr . ' New Husband ' wanted to adopt my boys . It didn 't leave me with much choice so I signed the damn paper giving up my legal rights to the boys . It wasn 't like I was a good father or anything , but I lost my sons which were a part of me . I went on another drinking binge . The only person that stood beside me was my sister Kate . She was two years older than me , married with two kids . She convinced me to seek help for my drinking and I did . It was really odd that I was drinking more out of boredom and depression than being an alcoholic . I drank to forget about my life . After going to counseling I decided to turn my life around and went back to school and got my GED . I then took up a trade as a mechanic . I studied hard and found a job in a car dealership repairing vehicles . I found that I liked the feeling of accomplishment and I was good at repairing vehicles . I started saving money to open my own vehicle repair shop . After a few years of saving money and learning more of my trade I was ready to take the next step . There was a local gas station for sale and I put down my down payment and started my own business . The hours were long but I loved working with my hands and I was becoming successful . Throughout the next few years I dated a few women but nothing serious . I even saw my boys as they were becoming teenagers . Strong healthy boys and they seemed pretty smart too . I kind of followed their lives without intruding on their privacy . I saw Mary a few times but never spoke much to her . She had a new life with her husband and I noticed she was pregnant and later she had a daughter . From then on my life was that of a confirmed bachelor . I dated but didn 't want to get involved anymore . I just wasn 't all that good with relationships . My business was my life . I hired a couple of good mechanics and it freed up a lot of my time . I could pretty much come and go when I wanted . I did go to my sons ' graduations . Even though they hardly knew me , I was proud of them . They both were headed for college . I guess I made the right choice for their well - being . It did bring a bit of sadness to me . It 's hard to explain but I guess they will always be a part of me . As they say , " Life goes on . " I always wondered who ' they ' are since they say a lot of things . One night , when the shop was near closing , a car pulled up . It was an old car making a lot of noise . " Can you fix this ? " the woman asked me , looking really concerned . I looked in the car and a sweet girl maybe six years old was sitting there looking a bit scared . " Come inside , the phone isn 't a portable . I 'll continue closing up while you locate your ride . " " I 'm Kara and this is my daughter , Amy . We moved here from West Virginia last month . I work at the department store and of course Amy is in the first grade . " The little girl looked at me and smiled . She thanked me for dropping them off at their house . Amy thanked me also ; she was a cute little girl . I finally got a good look at Kara . Probably twenty - six , twelve years my junior . Nice figure and she had a good personality . She never did mention a husband . Maybe I 'd ask her out . I had nothing to lose . The next day I looked at her vehicle . It was low on oil and needed a tune - up . I gave Kara a call and she told me to go ahead and fix it . I let her know it would be in the neighborhood of a hundred and twenty five dollars . I pulled up and she seemed happy to have her car back . I thought I would ask her out for lunch . Like I said , I had nothing to lose , but first I better make sure there wasn 't a husband in the picture . She looked at me and said , " There isn 't a husband now . I 'm divorced and Amy and I moved here to try to start over . " She looked rather sad . " I will knock twenty - five dollars off any repair job if the lovely lady would have lunch with me . I 'll even pay for the lunch . " I knew I had a silly grin on my face . I knew it was a stupid come - on but sometimes we all do stupid things . This time it worked . ( Shit , nothing ventured , nothing gained ! ) Kara handed me a check for a hundred dollars and smiled . " Not a bad deal . You might be getting awfully fat if you do this all day . " She was laughing as we got into her car and headed for the restaurant . After that day Kara would stop by and get gas and a few groceries fairly regularly . I knew she was coming on to me so I went with the flow . We started dating fairly often after that . I started to become attached to her daughter Amy ; she was a sweet lonely little girl . She had school and baby sitters most of the time . One night when Kara and I were planning on going to a movie , little Amy asked , " Can I go , Brad ? " Kara wasn 't overly happy but I didn 't care . Amy was becoming my pal . Whenever I went to their house Amy would always come and talk to me while her mother was getting dressed . Kara was never ready on time . I didn 't really mind because I would play games with Amy . Kara had a mixed work schedule . She would send Amy to childcare after school until she got off work . For some reason it bothered me ; I wanted this little princess to have a better life . Right now she spent her time in school and then daycare till late in the evening . I got a call one day that a school bus had broken down on a country road . The school called me and I headed over to see what I could do . When I got there another bus was there to transfer the kids and take them home . Amy saw me and ran up to me . I felt so sorry for her . What kind of life was a daycare center ? I quickly pulled out my cell phone and called the store and asked for Kara . I told her about the bus breaking down and that Amy wanted to come to the garage . I could tell she could care less one way or the other . I handed the phone to the driver and he got permission to leave Amy with me . She was as happy as can be . She stood there and watched while I found out the problem . It was a broken radiator hose . I told the driver of the first bus that I would be back in a few minutes with the new hose . He could contact the school garage and let them know he would be back within the hour . Amy climbed in my truck and we headed to the garage to get the new hose . She was talking a mile a minute as I drove along . We got the new hose , took it back and the bus driver was on his way . Amy watched me the whole time . It was enough to melt any man 's heart . I loved this little girl . I talked with her mom and instead of daycare the bus would drop Amy off at my store / garage . I had an office and she would sit there and do what little homework she had . She would always want a snack when she first arrived . First her snack , then her homework and after that she would come and watch me or one of the guys repair cars . She was a pure joy to have around . Sally , a woman I had running the store for me , took Amy under her wing . She was like a second mother to Amy . She had a daughter that was off at college and was happy to have Amy around . I was dumbstruck . What do you say to a little girl that says that to you ? I was dating her mother and we got along fine . I never really thought of marrying again . I had to say something to the sweet thing . " Honey , we 'll have to see what happens . We 'll always be friends and right now we are pals . " I liked Kara a lot but I wasn 't sure how she felt about me . We had become intimate and the sex with her was great . She totally gave of herself ; she was probably one of the best sex partners I 've ever been with , but marriage ? I just wasn 't sure . Here I was almost thirty - nine and had an established business . I decided to take a chance and ask Kara to marry me , more for little Amy 's sake , which might be a mistake . I wanted her to have a stable home life . I did have a pre - nuptial agreement signed to protect the business in case the marriage didn 't work out . I should explain a little about Kara 's first marriage and Amy 's father . Kara got married young . She said she was kind of a reckless teenager and hung out with a pretty wild crowd . Kurt , her former husband , was rather an unruly guy . To make a long story short , she got pregnant by Kurt and they got married . She told me that sex with Kurt was great . Something I really didn 't need - or want - to know , but Kurt was always getting into trouble . One day he got drunk and beat on Kara and little Amy . When I heard that I wanted to find the motherfucker and beat the shit out of him . Just the thought of a man striking a woman and hitting little Amy pissed me off . I know I wasn 't the best father and had been more or less a drunk myself , but I 'd never beat on Mary or the boys . Kurt went on a drinking binge and drove his car . He crashed into another vehicle killing the two passengers . His alcohol content was so high that he didn 't even know he did it . He came out with a few scrapes and bruises . He was arrested and ended up being sent to prison for vehicular homicide . He was sentenced to fifteen to twenty - five years . He could be out in as early as ten years . He had already served two years as she told me the story . Kara told me she couldn 't take any more of the harassment from his family and friends . They blamed her for him driving drunk because she was divorcing him . She finally got her job transfer to Ohio and that 's when she moved here . It made me think how no one wants to take the blame for their own actions . Kurt was the one that drank ; no one forced the booze down his throat . I should know ; I did the same thing . Thank God no one was ever killed by my drinking and driving . It also reminded me of Mary 's second pregnancy . Her mother blamed only me - like Mary didn 't have any say - so about birth control ! There I go regressing again . I guess we all look back and wondered what if we had done things differently . After our getting married , life was pretty good for a while . We had sex pretty often and went out regularly . I always wanted to include Amy , but Kara preferred dancing and drinking . I wasn 't much of a party person any more and of course it kind of pissed off Kara . I wanted to do family things . Whenever I found something we could do as a family , Kara had an excuse why she couldn 't do it . I decided that Amy was going to be a big part of my life , so we started doing everything together . Once in a while Kara would come with us . We went to amusement parks , the zoo , the beach , fishing and everything else we could think of . Throughout the next few years we became darn near inseparable . She always called me Daddy . I wanted to adopt her but Kara said it wasn 't possible because Amy 's dad wouldn 't sign over his rights to her . It was pretty shitty ; he did nothing to help support her . Again , it reminded me of myself and how stupid I had been and hadn 't supported my sons either . At least I ended up doing what was best for them . He was in prison , and yet he wouldn 't sign over his rights so I could adopt Amy . I considered her my daughter anyway and I was her daddy . Amy was crying slightly and came to my side of the bed . I pulled the covers back and she slid her little body in next to me . She fell asleep almost instantly . Having my arms around this precious little girl felt so good . It was like I was protecting her from the world . Kara and I argued about it a few times but it never stopped my little pal from coming back . Eventually I explained to her that she had to learn to sleep in her own bed . I put in a nightlight and told her we would leave her door open . She accepted this alternative and it made life more bearable with Kara . It wasn 't sexual but just protective love , which my little girl wanted so badly . I began living my life for her . I was doing everything with her that I missed out on with my sons . When she was about nine we went to a fair and I spent about twenty dollars at a shooting gallery trying to win her a big overstuffed teddy bear . We finally won it and she was so proud of it . It always sits in the middle of her big bed . My little pal and I even went hunting together . I showed her how to shoot but she only hunted with a BB gun . She said she wasn 't going to shoot any animals . She made me feel bad so I started hunting with my camera . There we were , both dressed up in our hunting gear , her with her BB gun and me with a camera . We got some really nice photos of the wild animals . Amy told me she was happy that I wasn 't shooting her little fuzzy friends . We did our shooting at targets at the rifle and gun range . Kara and I had a somewhat normal relationship . It wasn 't really bad but it really wasn 't loving either . We did our thing in the bedroom ; it was always good . I have to say she did her best work in the bedroom . She wasn 't much of a cook so most of our eating was done in restaurants . Kara went with Amy and me to different events but we nearly had to force her . It was always work , work , work with her . I was beginning to wonder if it really was all work or something else . For some reason , I really didn 't care ; Amy was my pride and joy . It was her life and her future I was worried about . I decided to help her out anyway I could so that she reached her potential . A typical example was when the school asked for volunteers , I volunteered . Amy was good in everything she did . She had both brains and talent . Getting Kara to Amy 's games was like pulling teeth , so I made sure I was always there to support Amy . Whenever she made a good play , I was there to cheer her on . She would always look back and smile at me . She knew how much I loved her . About a year had passed and Kara was working later and later . She also decided to start going out with the girls . Our sex life was diminishing ; I knew something was wrong . I hired a private investigator to start following her . He followed her on and off over a two month period . The results were just what I had expected . She was cheating on me . I wasn 't sure what to do about it . My first impulse was to divorce her but that meant I would lose my little girl . I wasn 't her biological father . I didn 't know what to do . Confront Kara with it , and tell her I knew ? Pretend I didn 't know and just go on with my life ? Amy was my problem . She was now my life . She was what I lived for and I knew she loved me and considered me her father . I waited a month to see if it would stop . Maybe it was just a fling . Something Kara needed to get out of her system . It wasn 't and I knew I had to do something . " Look , " she said . " We both know I married you to give Amy a good home . We weren 't in love even though the sex is good . I want more . I want to go out and party and try new things . I guess our age difference tells the story . " " No , Kara , our age difference has nothing to do with it . We have a wonderful daughter who didn 't ask to be brought into this world but she is here . You should be thinking more about her and her wants , needs and desires rather than your own . You 're so stuck on yourself that you can 't see beyond your own wants , and who you can fuck next . To you it 's all me , me , me . You don 't care about Amy , you just care about yourself . " I knew what I was talking about . I 'd lived it ; I did the same thing to my boys . Not a day goes by that I don 't remember what a horrible father I was . Here it was happening all over again but this time it was my wife doing it . " You promise to keep your affairs private , and we 'll stay married . I don 't give a damn about you anymore but I am concerned with Amy finding out . I 'll move into the guest room and you live your life and we 'll live ours . If you hurt her , I promise you I 'll kill you . " Kara looked a bit disturbed at my answer but she agreed to keep her affairs quiet . I moved my stuff into the guest room . I really didn 't want to sleep with Kara any longer . " Yes , Honey , I 'm afraid we did . I 'm going to sleep in the guest room for a while . Don 't worry , nothing else has changed . You 're still my little gal pal and I promise you I will always be here for you . " For the next three years that is the way we lived . Kara had her affairs in private . She was always telling Amy and me that she had to travel overnight or was working late . I knew what was really going on . I just hoped Amy didn 't . My friend Rick , the private investigator , kept track for me with names , addresses and places that Kara went . I guess she thought since I agreed to her indiscretions that I no longer had her followed . Wrong ! Whenever she didn 't come home I would call Rick and he had her followed . I had nearly three years worth of documentation on her affairs . Most men would call me cuckolded but I was doing it for Amy . Amy and her mom had an up and down relationship . I guess Kara wanted to have it both ways - her affairs and a good relationship with her daughter . Too often she chose her boyfriends over Amy , but I was always there to see Amy in the school plays and at all her sporting events . For all intents and purposes I was her father and a very proud one at that . " Thanks , Rick , you 're a real friend . As you know I 'm more worried about Amy than Kara . If that son - of - a - bitch goes near her , I swear I 'll kill him . " " Easy now , Brad . I 'll keep you updated as soon as I find out anything . Whatever happens , don 't do anything stupid . Amy needs you . " Now I was worried about my little girl . The bastard beat her when she was just a baby , I 'd hate to think what he might do to a fourteen - year - old girl . I decided not to approach Kara on the subject of Kurt just yet . I needed more information before going on the attack . After all Amy still wasn 't my flesh and blood . I stayed around Amy every night . We watched TV together and even went to the movies . I didn 't want to let her out of my sight . On Saturday she had soccer practice and I had some repairs to do at the garage . " Mommy 's dead in her bedroom . Please , Daddy , come home . I 'm scared . I don 't know what to do . " I could tell she was almost in shock . " Honey , get out of the house . Go sit on the front porch . I 'm on my way . I 'll call the police and they might even get there before me . Just get out of the house , Honey . " I told my guys to take over at the store . They had heard part of the conversation as I jumped into my truck . I had 911 on the phone . " Please , my daughter just called and said my wife was dead . Please send a squad car to 2775 Rose Lane . Please hurry . My daughter is there all alone . " I was in panic mode . It was all I could do to keep my wits about me . I never asked how Amy knew her mom was dead . Whether it was a heart attack or some sort of crime . I would know shortly ; I was about to pull up in front of my house . I could see my house ahead . There was a patrol car and an ambulance parked haphazardly in the drive . I pulled up in front of my house and jumped out . Amy came running to me . " Daddy , Daddy , Mommy 's dead , someone shot her . There is a dead man in bed with her . Daddy , I 'm scared , I 'm really scared . " " I 'm Brad Collins . I live here . I 'm the one who made the call to 911 . Where 's my wife ? Can I go in ? " " Crime scene ? What crime ? I live here , for Christ 's sake . My prints are all over the damn house . I need to know if it 's my wife . My daughter said she was shot . I demand to be let in . " " Sir , please , let us do our job . I know how you must feel but please wait a few minutes . The detective will be out to talk to you and your daughter . " It was no use arguing with the officer . I knew he was just doing his job but I was kind of messed up myself right now . I took Amy by the hand and we sat together on the porch swing . She seemed to be going into some type of shock . Another ambulance pulled up and the paramedic came over to attend to Amy . He took her over to the ambulance so she could lie down while he ran a few tests , blood pressure , pulse and whatever vitals they run . He said she needed to rest , that she seemed to be in shock . " My wife , what about my wife ? Is she dead ? Is there a man in there also ? Is he dead ? Why don 't you answer me ? " " My daughter , Amy . She must have come home from soccer practice and saw her mother dead . I 'm not sure what she saw . She just called me and said , ' Daddy , mommy 's dead . ' I had her repeat herself and then I told her to go outside and wait on the porch and that I would be right home . " " Mr . Collins , there are a man and a woman in the bedroom of the house . Yes , they were both shot and killed with a twenty - five - caliber revolver . Do you own any guns , Mr . Collins ? " The paramedic unzipped the top of the bag and I looked at the blood - covered face of Kara . " Yes , detective , that 's my wife , Kara . " I started crying . " We have his identification . We 'll run it through our records and see if it 's legit . Mr . Collins , I know this might be hard for you but we have a number of very personal questions for you to answer . We would like you to come down to the precinct for questioning . " " What ? Do you think I did this ? Do you think I murdered my wife ? I was at work ! I have a number of people who will back me up that I was there since seven this morning . " " Mr . Collins , no one is accusing you of anything yet . In any type of murder , which we feel this is , the spouse is always a suspect . I 'm sorry but that is just a fact . I assure you we will talk to all your witnesses to verify your whereabouts after finding out how long ago this shooting took place . Now , will you co - operate with us or do we have to do this by force ? " " I talked to the paramedics and they suggested she spend the night in the hospital . If you like , feel free to call your sister and tell her to meet the ambulance there . So you know , I will have to talk to your daughter soon . Since she discovered the bodies , she might have seen something else too , " explained the detective . I called Kate and told her about Kara being killed . I know she was distraught even though she wasn 't a good friend of Kara 's . I had talked to her when Kara and I kind of went our own ways . She didn 't know how I could live this way , but I told her I did it for Amy 's sake . She loved Amy also and agreed to meet her at the hospital and stay with her till I arrived . I went over to the ambulance to talk to my daughter . They had given her a sedative and she was about half asleep . " Amy , Honey , I have to go to the police station and talk with them . . . " " I 'm not leaving you , Honey . You 're going to the hospital and rest . Aunt Kate will be by to stay with you until I arrive . You 'll be fine . " " I love you too , Honey . Now you get some rest and I 'll see you later . " I kissed her forehead and turned to see the detective who I knew was listening to my every word . We went inside and I took my key out of a drawer in the bedroom . I saw the messed up bed and the blood all over everything . There was a crime crew looking through everything and taking possible evidence and pictures reached in my socks drawer and took out the key and handed it to the detective . We went down the basement and he opened up my gun cabinet . " Quite a collection you have , Mr . Collins . " He took out a twenty - five - caliber revolver and smelled the barrel . " Do you have any other guns that are not in the cabinet ? " The detective sent an officer to my bedroom to see if the gun was there . The officer brought back the gun and showed it to the detective who set it in the gun cabinet . The detective could read my face ; he knew I was hiding something . " Where is it , Mr . Collins ? Did you shoot your wife and throw it in the river ? Where 's the gun , Mr . Collins ? " " No , I never told her . She does know about the one in the night stand . I told my wife and daughter about it in case they ever needed it for protection . " The detective looked me in the eye . " Mr . Collins , we have to do a complete search of your house . Is there anything you want to tell us before we start ? " " Mr . Collins , you 've seen too many movies . We will go drawer - by - drawer , closet - by - closet , mainly looking for the pistol . We will disturb your house as little as possible . Do we have the permission to start the search or do we need a warrant first ? " " Look , Detective , I didn 't kill my wife or her lover . My only concern now is to help my daughter get through the murder of her mother . Do what you have to do . I have nothing to hide . " He said he still wanted me to come down to the station and answer questions . He was honest with me and told me I was still his prime suspect and that anything I could show him that it was someone else would help my case . Right now he didn 't have enough evidence to charge me but would keep looking for the truth . " Detective , if you want the truth about my wife 's life I suggest you get the briefcase out of my bedroom closet on the top shelf . All I ask is that you not let too many people see that folder . It will give you plenty of suspects . " " Detective , my wife knew that I was aware of her affairs . She didn 't know that I still had her followed on a number of occasions . The reason I thought you might want to keep this quiet is because there are a number of prominent people on that list , including a judge and several police officers . Also , for the sake of my daughter , she 's only fourteen and in high school here . If all this gets out , it will crush her . " " . . . but Mr . Collins , any court in the country would have let you have your daughter . Your wife was an unfit mother . Any woman having this many affairs should . . . " He didn 't finish his sentence ; I could tell how upset he was getting . " Detective Hurley , Amy isn 't my blood daughter . In fact she isn 't even my adopted daughter . I married her mother when she was six . Her biological father was recently released from prison . I am worried that he might come here and try to see Kara and take my daughter from me . You see , no court would grant me rights to a stepdaughter over her mother or her biological father for that fact . " I could have left but Amy is my life . There is no way I could forsake her . What was I to do ? I made an agreement with her mother that , if she kept her affairs private , then we would stay married . I figured I would stay with her till Amy graduated when she was eighteen and then divorce her using all the information I had accumulated . So you see , if I just wanted her dead , I would have done it years ago . " He looked through the list of men and knew he would have to question just about all of them . There were over thirty in all . Each one might have a reason to take Kara 's life . It could be anything from blackmail to a spouse getting involved . None of them could deny the affair since he had the photographs linking them to Kara . " Mr . Collins , the report came back on the man your wife was with . It was Kurt Lake , her ex - husband . Christ , I hope your alibi holds up . It sure isn 't looking good for you . " " I didn 't kill anyone . I didn 't know he was in town . My P . I . just told me a few days ago that he was released and I told you that . Damn , what else can I do to prove I had nothing to do with it ? " I had tears in my eyes , and I could tell the detective wanted to believe me . " Mr . Collins , I 'm not going to hold you now . I have to advise you to not leave the county and that we will be talking to you some more after we check out your alibis . We 'll also be talking to your daughter tomorrow . On another note , there was no evidence found in your house . No gun , no recognizable finger prints other than your family and the deceased male , and your rear door was pushed open . We feel the perpetrator could have run out through the rear door . There were cigarette butts , but they were the same type found in the trousers of the deceased , Kurt Lake . " " The fellow was on his back , the woman was straddling him . Of course he was penetrating her . She was shot three times in the back and once to the back of the head . He was shot point blank twice to the face . It was definitely a revenge shooting . She was of course lying across his body . As I said , Mr . Collins , don 't leave town and we will be talking to your daughter tomorrow . " I was troubled when I left the police station . Was it someone after Kara or maybe someone after her ex - husband ? Right now I had more important things to attend to . I had to make sure Amy was all right . " It was awful , Daddy ; I don 't think I 'll ever get that picture out of my mind . Who was that man , Daddy ? Why was Mom with him ? " " Later Honey , we 'll talk about it later . Right now you need to get some rest . Everything will be okay . I 'm here for you . " She gave me a slight smile and dozed back off to sleep . I turned to my sister . " Thanks , Kate , thank you for taking care of Amy . I don 't know what I would have done without you . " I got on my cell phone and called Child Protective Services . The woman was still at the hospital and would be up to see me . About a half hour later a woman showed up . " A matter of fact I do . He was released from prison last week and is now on a slab down at the morgue . He was killed along with my wife , Amy 's mother . Amy 's my daughter and she 's coming home with me . " " I don 't care how irregular it is . Amy might not be my flesh and blood but she is my daughter and she is coming home with me . No stranger is getting her . " " Mr . Collins , I can 't let a young girl go with a male who is not a relative . Surely you understand . If you had a female co - guardian it would probably be ok . " " You were ready to send her home with a man that beat her as a child and just got out of prison but you couldn 't possible let her go home with her father for the last eight years . How stupid are you ? " I was really getting pissed at this woman . Luckily for me Kate was there . Kate interjected , " Excuse me , Mrs . Baker . Brad - Mr . Collins here - is my brother . He 's a bit distraught at the moment but did you say that if a female signed as a co - guardian for Amy that she could go home with us ? " " He stepped out in the lobby for a minute , Amy . Everything is okay . Your dad and I have to sign some legal papers so you can go home with us when you get released from the hospital . " " Amy , I 'm Cheryl Baker from Child Services . I 'm looking after your interests here . Do you have a problem living with Mr . Collins and Kate Miller ? " " Of course not , that 's my dad and aunt . They 're the two nicest people on this earth . I won 't let you take me away from them , " screamed an irate Amy . " Where 's my dad ? " I walked back into the room . " I 'm right here , Sweetheart . No one 's taking you anywhere . You 'll be going back to our house . Don 't worry , daddy 's here now . " Kate looked at the woman , " Where 's these papers to sign ? Let 's get this over with , I know you 're just doing your job but even considering taking a girl away from her father is horrible to say the least . You can 't throw everyone in the same barrel . It seems to me that it should be a case by case process . " Mrs . Baker spoke . " I 'm sorry for the way I acted . You are right , I didn 't know enough about the case . Usually when a death occurs , the child goes to the living parent . I had no idea he was just released from prison , let alone killed . " " It ' alright , Daddy ; the only memory I have of him is him beating me . You 're my Daddy . The only daddy I 'll ever remember . " " Yes , but it has to go though a judge although I don 't see any problems . I 'll make sure the judge understands the case . Again , I apologize for my lack of judgment , " replied Mrs . Baker . " It 's okay , Aunt Kate ; nobody is going to take me away from my dad . I know he wouldn 't let it happen . Thank you for being here for me and dad . You 're the best aunt anyone could have . " " I love you too , Amy , but you better try and get some more rest . I have to leave now , but if you need me just call . I 'm only a phone call away . " I sat in the chair while my daughter slept . Tomorrow was going to be another bad day - more questioning and decisions to be made . It was starting to get late ; I told the nurse that I would be sleeping in this chair right next to my daughter .

" Well , look who it is , " Eric said , his face brightening as his gaze snagged behind Jeremy . Their lunches were already on the table , and it was all Jeremy could do for the past ten minutes to eat and act natural . The waiting was killing him . At that moment he felt her there - right behind him , and his heart filled his chest . However , he fought to stay cool as he turned in his seat . But the truth was there was no hiding his joy at seeing her , and he knew without a doubt that everyone at that table could see it . " Hey , there . " Shy was back , and Emily 's gaze fell to the floor . " Hey . " In her arms was a stack of books five high , and on her back she had a pack with more . However , she hesitated in putting them on the table . " Oh , here , let me get those for you . " Jeremy reached over and took several of the books from her hands . His heart flip - flopped in his chest when she glanced up at him . How she could look so amazing and yet so unassuming he had no idea . Lunch was nice . It took awhile , but eventually some of Emily 's shyness slipped away from her , and Jeremy liked that side of her as well . By the time lunch was over , his brain was on - loop with the question of how to ask her out without looking like a complete idiot . " So are you ladies interested in a little pool ? " Eric asked , and the other three looked at him skeptically . He wadded up the napkin and pitched it to the table . However , Eric looked at her with a smirk . " You 're so cute . I didn 't mean now . I meant Saturday night . Ryan and Ransom are itching to play again , and I told them I 'd say something to you guys . See if you were interested . " " Yeah , " Jeremy said . " Sounds great by me . " His gaze slid to Emily , and he willed her not to break his heart by finding an excuse not to come . It should have fried his brain being on a date with her with everyone else around , but truly , tonight Jeremy didn 't care . He sat with her when he wasn 't playing . They talked and laughed and joked with everyone . The truly weird thing was , he didn 't feel like he had to do or not do anything to keep up appearances . All he had to do was be himself . It was something he had never truly done . As the night wound to a close , his mind worked on the question of why that was . He had never in his life been with a girl like her . She had an easy way of being in the world that he felt but didn 't understand . On their way back to the dorms in his car , he pulled courage to him to voice what he was feeling . " Just be . " He shook his head knowing how impossible it would be to put it all into words . " You 're not trying to impress people . You 're not all ' will they like this outfit or those shoes . ' You 're just … you . " She sat for several seconds and then shook her head . " I 've tried it - doing it the world 's way . Being who they wanted me to be , or trying to . " Her eyes narrowed on the thoughts . " But then when God started showing me He loved me just like I am , all that stuff didn 't seem important anymore . " It seemed to Emily that life had finally hit smooth . She went to classes which were interesting and not nearly as overwhelming as she had initially thought . Every night either she or Jeremy would find an excuse to make a phone call , and those hours spent tethered to him by phone lines were some of the best of her life . Wednesday Bible Study , Thursday lunch . It was as if the problems in her life had vanished completely . Friday night they spent watching movies at the guys ' place , and Saturday night they played cards or pool . The only thing that puzzled her was why life had taken 21 years to feel this right . It wasn 't until Wednesday the first day of February that reality caught back up to her . She had just made it back to her room to get ready for Bible Study when she noticed the blinking light on her answering machine . Excitement traced through her at the thought of connecting with him , and she punched the button without hesitation . " Listen , I was coming to Boston next weekend for a student conference , and I was wondering if maybe we could get together . If you could give me a call . " He left the number even as she tried to make nonsense out of it so her brain would remember none of it . " I 'll talk to you later . ' Bye . " The beep jangled her nerves . Rooted to the spot , she didn 't move until a knock sounded on the door . She shook her head to get it clear of the voice and the suggestion as she strode to the door . " Hey , " Rebecca said , entering with a box of cookies in her hands . " I was hoping you 'd be early . " She walked in and set the box on the desk before she turned and took a real look at Emily . " What 's wrong ? " Emily fought to get a real smile to her face as she wound her arms across her middle . " Nothing . " Forcing herself to , she stepped over and picked the pillow from the floor and put it in the chair . " I 'm just running a little behind . " " Yeah . I 'm sure . I 'm just a little tired . That 's all . " Emily looked back into her room . " I 've really got some studying to get to . " Once it was closed , she leaned against it in relief that finally she could be alone . Defensively she went to her desk and grabbed one of her books . The next best thing to forgetting was just to bury herself under a mountain of work . " I 'm telling you , something 's not right , " Eric said , leaning over the table the next afternoon . The girls would be showing up at any moment , and Eric 's intensity rose with each breath . " Becca and I talked last night about it , but we can 't figure out what 's going on . " He pursed his lips . " Did you call her last night ? " " Hi . " Her gaze met his , and he struggled to read it all . However , nothing was there that hadn 't been there before . " Let 's go , Becca . " " It 's a great idea , " Emily said the next Thursday as they sat around the table strewn with sandwiches . " I even found a puzzle that would be perfect , but there 's no way we 'll have enough time to put it all together during class . It 's like 500 pieces . " " Well , what if you put some of it together before class ? " Jeremy asked completely into the conversation . " That way they could see parts of it , and still have parts to put together . " Emily sighed . " Yeah , but two problems with that . One I don 't have time to put enough of it together to make it work , and two , how in the world would I get what I got put together to the church ? " He wanted to offer , but the fact that his friends were right across the table made him hesitate . Still , they knew that he and Emily talked on the phone every night . They knew that Saturday she was at his place enjoying dinner and a movie . So finally he threw caution to the wind . " Well , maybe I could come over tonight , and we could work on it . I 'm sick of homework anyway . It would be fun . " Jeremy shrugged . He was in this now . He might as well go for broke . " We could get some cardboard and glue it down , you know , what we put together . Then we could take it to your class . " " I could help . I could come over and take you , " he said , and he felt the stares from across the table . He shrugged . " One Sunday night away from the television won 't kill me . " Emily 's nerves were at the surface of everything as she pulled on her shirt at five ' til seven . How had he talked her into this ? The puzzle thing sounded so cool when it was just an idea , but now it wasn 't just an idea . He was coming to help make her idea reality , and that was popping through her like an out - of - control cap gun . If anyone had told him six months before that he would be doing this and looking forward to it , Jeremy would never have believed them . Even as he waited for her to come down the steps , he still didn 't believe it . In fact , it wasn 't until he caught sight of her that the question of why he would even consider it disappeared . They climbed the two and a half more flights to her room , and at her door , he put his hand on his hip and waited for her to work the key . His gaze traced down the empty hallway . Inexplicably , he felt like they might be caught at any second . The lock clicked , and she stepped inside . For as much as they had been together over the last few weeks , they had only been alone a few minutes at the ends of evenings . However , when Jeremy stepped in , turned , and closed the door , he felt the world cede its hold on them . He took a breath to settle his nerves and then clapped his hands together . " So where 's this infamous puzzle ? " At her desk Emily slid the puzzle out of the plastic bag and held it up . Jeremy stepped over to it , took it from her , and examined it . Golden clouds illuminated the backdrop of the throne upon which sat Christ , a crown on his head , a scepter in his hand . This wasn 't a puzzle . It was unbelievable . It looked more like a painting . " Wow . " Emily put her hands in her back pockets as she watched him . " I got it when I first came here , but my old room was too small , and since I 've been here … " She looked around the room . " Well , I haven 't had a lot of time . " Nodding , Jeremy took the puzzle and sat down on the floor with it . He ripped off his jacket and pitched it onto the brown chair . Then he pulled the plastic covering away and carefully opened the box . With one look , the task before them suddenly seemed overwhelming . " And we 're going to have this done by when ? " By nine o ' clock they had most of the pieces sorted . Edges . Clouds . Golden pillars . Throne . Jeremy had just started piecing the edge together when the phone rang . He barely noticed as Emily stood to answer it . If she was trying to kill him , she was doing a very good job of it . Fighting not to listen , he reached over and picked up a handful of edge pieces . Blue . White . Blue . White . He sorted them , trying desperately to block out the conversation . The fact that he wasn 't breathing made Jeremy 's head swim . She hung up , stopped for one second and then turned and sat down . He wanted to look at her , to ask , but suddenly it was like the ability to speak had escaped his skill set . She shrugged and reached for more pieces . " He was a nice guy and everything . Well , kind of nice … I don 't know . I don 't really know him all that well . " " Oh . " Suddenly the feeling of being less - than crowded in on Jeremy . He withdrew into his own little world of a thousand pieces that suddenly didn 't quite fit . In truth they hadn 't gotten very far . There were stacks , but the stacks themselves were a challenge , not to mention how many stacks there were that hadn 't even been touched . It had taken more than thirty minutes for them to start talking again , and when they finally did , Jeremy felt only a little better . He couldn 't get that phone call to leave him alone . When they said goodnight minutes before midnight , he kissed her , but it was hesitant and uncertain . He knew she felt it too , but he had no idea what to do about that . They were supposed to get together to do more of the puzzle on Friday . Maybe then he would find a way to ask that didn 't make him sound like a jealous control - freak . " God , " he prayed in the car on the way home . " I know that You and I don 't know each other all that well , but well … You know Emily , better than I do , and … Could you please put in a good word about me to her ? " He gripped the wheel and lowered his eyebrows in concentration . " She 's different than all the other ones , and I feel like if I lose her , that might be it for me . Please help me . I 'd really appreciate it . " Emily sat in her chair , the Bible open on her lap , the puzzle pieces scattered at her feet . It was all going so well until Zack had called . She knew Jeremy was worried , but she didn 't know how to tell him about Zack without it leading to Brock and then to things she really didn 't want to talk about . Something in her said if she ever started talking , she might not be able to stop . " God , You know how much I like Jeremy . I want him in my life , Lord , but there are so many things that he doesn 't understand about me . " She sighed . " You for one . He doesn 't even know You , and I 'm not sure him helping me even has anything to do with You . " She shook her head and closed her eyes . " I don 't know . I don 't know how this could ever work . " A certain man had a fig tree which had been planted in his vineyard ; and he came looking for fruit on it , and did not find any . And he said to the vineyard - keeper , " Behold , for three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree without finding any . Cut it down ! Why does it even use up the ground ? " And he answered and said to him , " Let it alone , sir , for this year too , until I dig around it and put in fertilizer , and if it bears fruit next year , fine ; but if not , cut it down . " Emily put her head back on the chair and closed her eyes . " Dear Lord , I ask that You open Jeremy 's heart to the possibility of Your love . Yes , I want him in my life , but more than that , I want him to have Your love . Please don 't just cut him down . Search him out like You did the lost sheep . " She let out her breath . " That 's all I ask . Just show him Your love . " " Well . " Emily brushed the hair out of her face . She picked up five pieces and went about testing them against each other . " It 's like our lives . Each day is a piece . " She held up one , and Jeremy nodded as if he was truly listening . " By itself , each piece doesn 't make much sense . In fact , even when several pieces together , we can 't always see what they are all making . " Frustrated with those pieces , she grabbed two more . " The thing is too often we try to put the pieces together the way we think they should fit . Like me with the kids . I wanted them to listen to me because that 's how I thought they would learn . So I tried to make that situation fit , but the more I tried , the worse it got . It was only when I gave up and said , ' God , I don 't know how this goes together . You do it ' that things started getting better . " By this time there was a whole little ten piece section together by her feet . It was blue with the start of a billowing of clouds . " The funny thing is , He made the puzzle . He knows how every piece is supposed to fit , but He doesn 't just come in and yank it away from us and go , ' Here ! Let me do that . You are messing it up ! ' No . He loves us so much that He 's willing to step back and let us decide for ourselves whether to let Him help or not . " " If God said , ' Look , your puzzle goes together like this , it works better like this , and He never gave us a chance to try it on our own , we 'd never get how much He loves us . We 'd just take it for granted that there was no other option . But … if He lets us try it on our own , giving us hints about how much He loves us , about how we don 't have to do it because we have the option of relying on Him , then when we do finally learn to put it in His hands , He knows that we did it because we wanted to - not because He forced us to . " The question slid through her . " When we 're little we learn about what works and what doesn 't in the world . We test things out . We try them . This works . That doesn 't . Say a kid learns that throwing a temper tantrum will get him what he wants . Okay , then when he 's not getting what he wants , he throws a tantrum , and everyone jumps in to make him happy again . He 's learned his lesson . But then he becomes an adult , and maybe he 's at work and he throws a tantrum . The boss gets mad and fires him . New lesson . " That guy will probably spend a lot of time and energy trying to get things to work the way he always has . But eventually … eventually , if he 's lucky , he figures out that maybe there 's another way . It 's hard work to get those lessons in the world . It 's much easier with God . " Peace wrapped around her as she pushed a piece of hair over her ear . " Yes , but most people don 't realize that . They can 't figure out why life is so hard , why it 's so unfair . What they don 't get is that it 's hard because they are the ones trying to do it , which brings us back to the puzzle . " She held up a piece . " God knows where this piece of my life fits because He created it , and He saw where it fit long before I ever got to it . I can get mad at Him for making this piece the way He made it , or I can trust Him to do with it whatever He had in mind . " Emily smiled softly . " It 's always good when God 's the one doing it . Even the tough things can make you grow and stretch in ways you never would have otherwise . Trials come and make you more patient if you believe that God loves you and He 's showing you the lesson of patience . Suffering comes , and it can teach you endurance . Sorrow comes , and it can teach you to be a more compassionate person . " Jeremy 's face scrunched disbelievingly . " Yeah , but what about the really bad stuff ? Like rape or murder or something like that . Surely God doesn 't want those to happen . " At first she didn 't think she could get the words out , but she closed her eyes and breathed in God 's words of love and peace . " God never wants bad things to happen , but in a world where free will is , some people will choose bad things . Sometimes they 'll even do bad things to others . God isn 't going to violate our free wills to keep us from hurting each other , but he can take that hurt and turn it into something good if we will let Him . " " Old Testament , when the Israelites through Adam and Eve made the choice to do it on their own . Eve ate from the tree of ' I can do it myself , ' and Adam followed . Over and over again , the Israelites told God , ' Just give us Your laws , just tell us how to do it right , and we 'll prove to You that we deserve to be in Your Kingdom . ' " At her feet the clouds gave way to the pillars of light . " But they couldn 't do it . Just like we can 't . We need Him . Not just on Sundays or at night for fifteen minutes , but every minute . We need Him with us , in us , putting the puzzle together that we would never be able to shape by ourselves . " " He 's already there . His power , His presence , His purpose . It 's already there . He sees it in the big picture like we never can . He knows for example that this person … " She held up a piece . " plays a vital role in our lives , so vital that without their contribution , there would be a big , gaping hole in our lives . But if we 're putting the puzzle together - picking and choosing for ourselves where we go to school , who we 're around , what job we have … I think we can miss some of the wonderful pieces God knew we needed . " Slowly he slid back to the steel frame of her bed . " Okay . So how do you let Him do it ? How do you not miss the pieces ? " She shifted on the floor . " It 's like me going here to school . There were plenty of good schools back home . My mom and dad really wanted me to go back there , but I knew this was right - for me . It might not be right for anyone else , but it was for me . " By the time Jeremy was in bed later , his mind was spinning . How many hours had he spent fidgeting in a church pew while his mom glared at him for not being still . All those minutes had never felt like that one with her . It was as if he could see the glow around her , and that scared him more than what she was saying . He wasn 't one of those whackos who got quiet and listened . No . He set his goals , and he went for them . Trials were meant to be overcome - not to teach you anything . Suffering ? He tried to stay as far away from that as possible . Ditto for sorrow . Happiness . That 's what he wanted . Happiness and pleasure . At least he had until he met her . Now he wasn 't so sure . Worse , he wasn 't sure he could get back to how he had been before if this didn 't work out . It was four in the morning when his brain finally surrendered and let him go to sleep , and even then her words streamed through him - inviting him to something different , challenging him to see the world in a whole new way . It was at once exciting and terrifying , and even in his dreams he wasn 't sure which side of the question he would ultimately land on . From the edge of the room next to the barren wall , Jeremy watched her . The kids seemed to home in on her as she set a bag of pieces in front of each one of them . She had , of course , given him the option of bowing out before the kids got there , but since he had insisted on driving , he couldn 't very well leave her here . Instantly the kids dove into the bags . After only a few minutes several moved into small groups to work on their parts . They were a model of industrial engineering - assessing the problem and coming up with a plan to solve it . Only the red - headed kid to the side , sitting apart from everyone else failed to jump in . Jeremy caught Emily looking at the kid , and then she glanced over to him and half smiled . He shouldn 't , his brain said . He had nothing to offer this kid . He didn 't even know him . However , that hole she had talked about in the puzzle haunted him . Maybe this was a piece he needed but because of his need to control everything , he was going to let it slip past him . With a heave of air , he made the decision and pushed himself forward . Emily 's attention swung to him with the movement . Fear reached up into her chest and lodged there when she realized where he was headed . What was he doing ? In horror she watched as he crawled across the navy and gray flat carpet to where Matt sat . Panic told her to do something . He didn 't know what he was doing . Matt didn 't even know him . " This is stupid , " Matt said in disgust . " I 've got better things to do than to waste my time on some stupid puzzle . I 'm not five . " Jeremy laughed as he grabbed a couple of pieces . He 'd had enough practice with this puzzle that he could see some of the fits even before he put them together . " Yeah . I thought it was kind of lame too . " " Kind of ? " Matt looked at him derisively . " How about really lame . What 're you doing here anyway ? You 're not part of this class . " With a jerk Jeremy stopped cold . Had he heard what he thought he had ? It took everything he had not to level the kid , and for one minute this whole thing seemed like a very bad idea . Then a conversation from months before drifted through him . ' I , I , I . What happened to giving it to the Holy Spirit and letting Him take care of it ? ' He hadn 't understood it at that moment , but right now , it was his only shot at salvaging this wreck . " That 's what I used to think too , " Jeremy said , and he wondered where the words were coming from . He questioned his sanity but plowed ahead just the same . " I figured it was better to use people before they got a chance to hurt you . Use them for what you need and then throw them back on the heap . That was my philosophy . " Matt nodded , clearly surprised to find a kindred soul at youth group . Jeremy was glad for the hum of conversations and noise around them . At least this way they couldn 't all hear his confession . " But I 'm starting to see that 's not really the best way to live . Take this puzzle piece . " He held it up . " I used to go like this . " He took another piece that clearly didn 't fit and forced the two together . " Yeah , they do . See I made them fit . " Then he took another piece and jammed it into the end of the other two . This one was floppy and wouldn 't stay in the other hole so he laid it on the floor and kept building . Suddenly his old way of life flooded through him , and he saw in himself what he 'd never seen before . He grabbed another piece and jammed it into the others . " Doesn 't matter . They 're my pieces , and I 'm going to do whatever I want with them . " Jeremy kept putting pieces together , forcing them when they didn 't fit . He didn 't take time to so much as look at them . He just kept jamming them together so that they were now in an illogical but flat jumble on the floor in front of him . " Dude , you 're screwing up the whole puzzle . " Matt was looking at him like he 'd lost his mind . " You can 't just put it together however you want and expect it to come out right ! " " What do you mean ? " Jeremy asked him , stopping for a second . " What do I care if the whole thing looks good or not as long as I get to do whatever I want to , right ? " He went back to putting the pieces together . " No , man . Look around you . " Matt 's gaze traced across the room . " If you don 't do your part right , you 're going to screw it up for everyone else too . " " Oh . " Jeremy slowed and then stopped . He looked around at the others . " So my pieces and how I put them together make a difference to other people ? " " So if I take a girl out a night or two because she 's good looking and might give me what I want , then maybe I might be messing her puzzle up ? " Jeremy looked down at the utter mess his puzzle had become . His gaze slid across the room to the others , and he realized how diligently the other kids had been putting their puzzles together . They were beautiful . But the truth was staring him in the face . His disaster would ruin the experience for all of them . His willful need to put it together however it worked for him messed up the whole thing - not just for him but for them too . Then his gaze alighted on the puzzle piece on one edge of his mess , and ache filled his heart . It was the face of Jesus , patiently looking at up at him . It took a breath to steady his emotions . One piece at a time Jeremy began pulling the pieces apart . " The truth is I don 't know how my life is supposed to go together , and to be honest I 'm pretty bad about putting it together myself . " Memories slid through him . Gwen . The engagement . Eric . Rebecca . His arrogance . His mother . His father . The divorce . He was handling it all - his way , and boy , had he made a mess of things . As the last two pieces came apart , his gaze traveled across the room to where Emily stood , bending down with her arms over her middle as she guided two students in their attempts to put the pieces of their puzzles together . Gratefulness such that he had never known flooded through him . She was a piece he had never seen coming , a piece that on his own he would 've dismissed and discarded . Yet he now saw that without her , the other pieces of his life made no sense at all . Understanding cascaded through him as his gaze fell back to the pieces before him . " God gave you the puzzle of your life , Matt , and you can put it together yourself , or you can give it to Him to put together for you . If you do that , He will bring pieces into your life that you never saw coming , and He will fit them together so that it makes not just your part of the puzzle make sense , but so that the whole puzzle - all of it , your part and all the other parts make sense together . " A second as he put two pieces together correctly and then another as he added one more , and then he saw Matt 's hand from the corner of his eye . Slowly Matt reached out , grabbed a few pieces and carefully fit them together . One didn 't fit , so he tossed it back to the pile . In silence they built their own little parts , and when they were finished , Jeremy took a deep breath . " Okay . Let 's see what we 've got . " Gently , carefully , he took Matt 's half and his half . When they slid together , a gasp jumped through him . There on the throne of heaven sat Jesus Christ smiling back at them . It was the most beautiful thing he 'd ever seen . " Oh , my gosh . " He sat back in astonishment . " Wow . It 's a little piece of heaven . " " Yeah , " Jeremy breathed . He glanced at her . " I 'm really glad I came tonight . " It took a second for him to be able to continue . Finally he reached over and took her hand . " I think it was a piece I needed . " It was Thursday afternoon as they walked out into what would have to pass for mid - February warmth . He 'd been trying to find a way to ask since Monday . They 'd talked every night - two hours on Valentine 's Day , and still he hadn 't found the words . He 'd had every intention of asking her today during lunch , but the right moment had never come up . In fact , neither of them had said more than five words what with Eric and Rebecca making plans for their weekend trip to Rebecca 's parents ' house . Even now Jeremy wondered if this was the right one . Her look of anxiety increased , and Jeremy fought to tell himself just not to ask her . It was a disaster waiting to happen . Brett from accounting getting married ? That was bad enough , but now they were having a couple 's shower at Fire & Ice . Everyone was going . He couldn 't go alone , but not going was tantamount to snubbing the whole accounting class - not a good career move . Doing that could kill his chances of preserving contacts with these people that he might well need by the end of the semester . They were MBA 's . Some of them had jobs . Good jobs and could be good references when the time was right . That time was fast approaching . Still … he didn 't want to go , and he really didn 't want to drag her along . " It 's just this deal . Some friends of mine are getting together for a couple 's shower . " " Just some people I know from some business classes . They invited a bunch of us to come , and well … You don 't have to go if you don 't want . " Emily wished Rebecca would 've been around for moral support . She needed some . It should 've been exciting - going out on a Saturday night , dancing with the guy you were dating ; however , the thought of the crowd and a table full of strangers pushed her anxiety into five - alarm state . She pulled out the only red shirt she owned and a pair of jeans . She shook her head knowing she was going to fail the good - enough test miserably . These girls were business majors , and they probably went out to the bar three times a week . They were sophisticated and worldly , and here she was in her dumpy off - the - rack jeans and her little red shirt . The only cool thing about the entire outfit was the rip in the shirt just at the waistline . It wasn 't really cool . She 'd really ripped it on a trip up the stairs with her laundry basket ; however , maybe she would get lucky , and they would think it was a manufactured rip . In the middle of brushing on her blush , which she was hopelessly bad at , the phone rang . She closed her eyes to the reflection in the mirror . Oh , Holy Spirit , help . By the time they got to Fire & Ice , Jeremy was alternating between wondering what he had been so nervous about and trying to pretend she was going to fit in . He hadn 't had the heart to tell her Fire & Ice was a little black dress kind of place - not a jeans and ripped shirt kind of place . But he didn 't want to embarrass her . Worse , he knew from the times they had been out , her wardrobe was less - than - enormous , so it wasn 't really clear that she even owned a little black dress . Nonetheless , they had gone to eat , and although it wasn 't a fabulous restaurant , they 'd had a great time . Standing outside the club , her hand in his , it was easy to believe that this was exactly the way things were supposed to be . The line moved forward , and they moved with it . Her look held gratefulness - maybe for the fact he was concerned , maybe for the fact that this wasn 't going to be an all out beer bash . He couldn 't really tell which . At the door he paid , grabbed her hand , and led her into the dim lights made visible by the smoke . He glanced back at her , and the fear and awe in her touch were mirrored in her face . She nodded as their arms met from the shoulder down . It was clear she had no intention of letting his hand go , which was plenty fine with Jeremy . Halfway around the dance floor , he saw the group . Her grip tightened , but she said nothing . At the two tables someone had pulled together , Jeremy greeted his acquaintances . As expected the girls were all dressed to the nines and the guys all wore button - down shirts with ties . Casual it was not . " Jeremy ! " Brett , the groom - to - be said , standing from the end of the table . He came around and shook Jeremy 's hand . " Glad you could make it . " Then he eyed Emily head to toe and back up again . " And who is this ? " At that moment several women dressed in slinky silk tops and leather miniskirts descended on the table . One of them attached herself to Brett . He put an arm around her and turned back to them . " Jeremy , you remember Rhiannon . " Rhiannon shook her hand with a dismissive glance then turned to Brett . " Come on . I don 't want to sit here all night . I thought we came to dance . " She sat , but it looked difficult . Her gaze chanced up and then fell back to the table before gliding out to the dancers . He wanted to do something or say something to make her look less panicked , less uncomfortable , but he couldn 't think of anything . " Hey , Jeremy ! " Tad Hughes stepped up , and Jeremy stood , smoothing his tie as he did so . " Wow . I haven 't seen you in ages , man . Where 've you been hiding yourself ? " Torn . It was a good word for what Jeremy felt . Tad was one of those with the good job and the great prospects . Emily was the one looking wholly out of place and scared to death . He was somewhere in between . Jeremy wound his hands under his armpits and widened his stance . " Keeping my options open . My dad wants me to come to work at his firm , but I 'm not sure finance law is my forte . " Tad tipped his drink . " Never rule anything out . I didn 't think I wanted international , but it worked out that way . " Then Tad seemed to notice Jeremy 's lack of a drink . " Hey , it 's open tab for Brett 's party tonight . What do you want ? " " Oh , I 'm … " Jeremy tried to wave him off , but Tad stopped a buxom blonde waitress who was carrying shots . " No , really , I 'm … " Fear coiled around Emily so tight she couldn 't breathe . She 'd only seen one other person drink like that , and it was a memory she 'd done her best to forget . When Jeremy sat back down many minutes later , she let her gaze anchor to her fingers intertwined between her knees . Maybe if she became invisible , he would forget she was even there . After all , she wanted to . Every - so - often someone would come up , talk for a bit , notice he didn 't have a drink , and insist on fixing that problem . It occurred to Jeremy at one point that he had relaxed so much the room had softened . The music , though blaring , wasn 't harsh but mellow . He stood and offered her his hand to dance . Had he had a few less to drink , he would 've noticed her hesitation , but he didn 't . All he knew was that he wanted to dance with her , and this was his chance . On the dance floor he moved to the beat . He wasn 't a great dancer , but he liked watching her enough that he could forget about himself . It was too bad it wasn 't a slow song . A slow song would have been nice . Then as if the universe was listening , the beat slowed , and around them couples drifted together . He didn 't ask , simply stepped toward her . In the next breath she was in his arms , and calm descended on him . It might have been the alcohol , but the truth was he didn 't want his sight to ruin this feeling , so he closed his eyes and soaked her in . She felt so good , so soft , so right in his arms . It was like moving on a cloud . His hand drifted up her back , sliding over her and pressing her closer to him . He liked her so much . He liked being with her , talking with her , and now , dancing with her . She felt so right in his arms , so perfect . All he wanted to do was to feel every inch of her . If that moment had gone on forever , he wouldn 't have complained . However , it didn 't . When the song ended , she didn 't even look at him . She just stepped out of his arms and turned , heading for the tables . He saw her arms anchor across her middle . That slammed something close to rational back into him . Why did she look so hunched over herself ? Why did she look so uncomfortable and scared ? At the table he tried to beat through the alcohol haze to figure it out . His gaze slid across to her , and hazy worry drifted through him . She didn 't even look at him . In fact , she seemed to be looking at nothing at all as her gaze stayed anchored to the distant wall . He slid closer to her and put his arm over her chair . " You having fun ? " She sat , rod - straight , her arms wound around her . She nodded barely acknowledging him , but her face was blank . It held no real emotion at all . Confusion twined through Jeremy ; however , his mind wasn 't cooperating enough to untwist it . After a moment of trying , his attention drifted from her to the table , and he grabbed the last drink he 'd been working on . At least he could look like he knew what he was doing . He lifted the glass as Ray said some words . They all lifted their glasses and then drank . Jeremy followed with no real question . It was only when he put his glass on the table that he realized Emily didn 't have one . Her shoulders pulled together as if on a drawstring . She shook her head as her gaze fell . He felt bad , knowing she wasn 't having fun , but what could he do ? Movement across the table drew his attention . " Yeah , " Ray said as he stood with his date talking to Brett and Rhiannon . " We 're headed out , but we had a good time . " Handshakes and hugs ensued . Jeremy 's gaze fell to Emily , and the look on her face wrenched across his heart . He leaned closer to her . " If you want , we could go on home . Everybody else is bailing anyway . " Emily 's insides were twisted into clenched knots . In all her imaginations this wasn 't anything like what she had expected . Her out - of - place outfit was just the most obvious sign that she didn 't fit in with these people . It only got worse from there . Part of her knew when she 'd accepted that she couldn 't compare to these people , and part of her had no interest in trying . But it hadn 't taken three of the ten people who had come to talk to Jeremy to convince her that even if she wanted to , she could never be like them . They were dressed in clothes that cost half her tuition , and they had a smooth , knowing way about them as if this was all somewhat boring . None of them , including Jeremy , had even acknowledged her presence as they talked . She might as well have been part of the wall . Worse , the more he drank , the more Jeremy became like them . She hated that . It was like he was a completely different person than he was only hours before . Ache clutched Emily as she turned her gaze into the darkness , trying to stop the tears . Not once the whole night had he even remembered she was here with him . When the others came , he left her sitting in the dark to talk to them . It was humiliating . She let her gaze slide to the dance floor as she fought not to let the hurt split her in two . All she wanted to do was leave , but she knew he didn 't . If they left now , it would solidify that she was boring and childish , that she could never , ever be like these people . However , when he sat back down , the thought of staying even one more minute in this nightmare threatened to make her sick on her shoes . The stench of alcohol on him wafted around her in a sickening haze . He smelled just like … With a snap , she shook her head , set her jaw , and stood . Slowly his gaze went up with her . " Fine . Let 's go . " Although Jeremy was less than smooth as he stood , he took her hand , and together they went over to tell the happy couple good night . As they talked , once again Emily felt invisible . When the pleasantries were complete , she turned in front of Jeremy and strode through the crowd . She walked so fast , twice she all but lost him . That was fine . If she could just keep walking and lose him altogether , that would 've been better . However , once outside he grabbed for her hand and managed to catch it in his . Revulsion slid through her . It was then , however , that she noticed him fumbling with his keys from his other pocket . She closed her eyes , examined her options , and sighed . Holding out her hand , she made a point not to look at him . " I 'll drive . " " No . I don 't . " The firmness of her tone stopped him . At his car she hit the button and went to the driver 's side without bothering to wait for him . In two motions she was in the car . In two more she had it started . The ride home was cold and quiet . Emily knew he was fighting sleep , and it would 've been fine with her had he just relinquished the fight . She didn 't want to talk to him . She didn 't even want to be here with him . Rage boiled in her mostly at herself for ever believing he could be anything other than what he had shown her in the beginning . He was a jerk . A grade - A , number one , government - inspected jerk . No wonder Gwen left . It was becoming apparent that she was the smart one . The silver Audi flashed under the streetlights , and in no time they were at his apartment . Emily parked and killed the engine . Silence engulfed everything . Dully Jeremy looked over at her . " How 're you getting home ? " She shrugged . " The bus I guess . " She grabbed her purse and sorted through the few dollars she had brought . With a sigh of frustration , she yanked the door handle and whacked her shoulder into the door to get it open . The cold weather slapped into her , and she pulled her small jacket around her . He followed her but not fast . " You don 't have to do that . Why don 't you come up ? You can crash on the couch . " Jeremy was out of the car but not exactly stable . He looked like he might either fall over or fall asleep - or both - at any moment . " I 'll be fine . " Emily started toward the nearest through street . She didn 't want to be here . She wanted to be at home , in bed with this night far behind her . However , midway across the driveway , Jeremy got to her and stopped her with a hand on her arm . Incredulousness dropped over her . How could he not know ? She shook her head . " Yeah . Whatever . " Her feet carried her three more steps before he caught up with her again . " No , Em . Really . Come on . " His brown eyes pleaded with her . " I don 't want you mad at me , and I don 't want you out on some bus at all hours of the night . That 's not safe . Please . You can crash on the couch . I 've got blankets and pillows . Please . " His head tilted on the weight of the entreaty . " Don 't leave . " In truth she didn 't want to be on a bus in the middle of the night either . It truly wasn 't safe . Fear of the scenarios that might follow a rash decision like that made her head spin , but how could she be sure this scenario wouldn 't be worse ? The one and only thing that made her think it might not was how he was gazing at her . Just the vulnerability was enough to convince her that this was the better option . In the apartment Jeremy fought with the alcohol hazing his brain . He had to make this right . She was furious , and if he did one more stupid thing , she would be gone never to return . He got that much . He considered trying to talk about it , but talking it out now wouldn 't get them very far . He couldn 't have made sense if he had tried . Worse , he might say something too honest about his feelings for her , and at this moment he had no idea how she would take that . " I 'll get the blankets . " He went into his room and pulled three blankets from under the bed . He added a throw pillow and his own for good measure . In the living room , he angled his descent down the steps so he wouldn 't fall . It was beginning to dawn on him how much he must have had to drink . It had been a long time since he 'd drank this much . As that thought traced through his mind , he realized when that was - the night Gwen had walked out . Panic such that he 'd never felt cascaded through him . He willed himself to get it together . Emily was watching . He unfurled the blankets one - by - one and put them on the couch . Then he laid out the pillows . When the bed was made , there was nothing left to keep him busy . He wanted to go to her , kiss her , hold her , and make everything right , but he knew better . " I 'll just be … " He pointed up the stairs . " If you need anything … " Jeremy nodded , sensing that this would be the last time he would see her in his apartment . His gaze dropped as sadness washed over him . Finally he nodded . " Goodnight , Emily . " Staci Stallings shares her heart for God with her novels , articles , and conversations . She loves making new friends , writing , and playing piano and guitar . View all posts by Staci Stallings → This entry was posted in A Little Piece of Heaven , Novels and tagged A Little Piece of Heaven , Christian Romance , YA . Bookmark the permalink . ← A Little Piece of Heaven , Ch . 15 & 16 Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :

I 'm fine doing both . In some points in the rp I may be aggressive and lead the plot and in other parts I may look to my partner to lead it . I try to keep things equal though and keep us both equally leading . She 's not strong . At all . In fighting she 's one of the first to be taken out , but her running skills and being agile helps so that she won 't get pumbled . She is very much like her mother in appearance . She has the same facial features as Lilo did at her age , same tan skin . The only differences are that , since her father had blonde hair and blue eyes , Ava has the same . Her blonde hair and blue eyes , along with her tan skin , got her teased a lot as a child , but she quickly got over that . Again , surfing is something she loves and has a talent for . Building things as well . She can build something with very little instructions . She 's also very good at talking her way out of trouble . She is very clumsy . This tends to get her in trouble a lot actually . She 's constantly falling and tripping over things . She also is horrible at cooking . She 's claustrophobic . Tight and small spaces , as well as being in the dark , scare her . She doesn 't know why , but this is just a major fear of hers . Background of how Lilo had Ava : Lilo Pelkai and her husband Hampton Gemeni . When Lilo graduated high school , she went off to college , where she met Hampton . Since both were going to college for Astronomy they hit it off rather quickly and fell in love . Though of course , after college , Lilo had to return home to Hawaii . Much to her surprise , a month after she returned , she got a call from him . He had missed her so much , that , if she would have him be there with her , he was going to move there . She agreed and the two hit it off right where they left off . Unknown to Hampton though , Lilo was working for a group called the United Galactic federation , along with her ' dog ' Stitch . It was only after they were engaged that Lilo revealed the truth to him , wanting him to know about her secret life before they were married . After the initial shock , he came to terms with it and they were married a year later when Lilo was twenty three . Hampton even just a few years after their marriage , began helping with Lilo 's work and even joined the federation himself . When Lilo turned twenty five she gave birth to Ava and had to keep her work on the down low , even keeping Stitch out of sight , to protect her daughter . Never once in her life did she ever let Ari know the truth . She feared it would put her daughter in danger , something she would not risk . Ava 's Biography : Ava was pretty much an average girl . She grew out kind of an outcast . With her tan skin and golden blonde hair and blue eyes , people made fun of her . They always either said she dyed her hair to make it that color or spent too much time in the sun . Though , despite her sadness in being picked on so much , Ava found comfort in her mother , who told her differences are what made us unique . Her mother made her feel good about herself so that bullies didn 't really bother her . Despite having an average American father , she was very much raised in her Hawaiian culture as well . She grew up knowing all about Ohana and what it meant to be family . During the summers , while her parents When Ava turned eighteen , a month after she graduated high school and while she was out at her Aunt 's house , she got news that both her mother and father had died in a ' plane crash ' . The devastated girl couldn 't find it in her to return home after that and stayed in Hawaii with her aunt . Her parents were both buried in Hawaii as well , that being her mother 's birth place and her father stating in the will he wanted to buried with her . In the will , Ava was left an old house in Hawaii , where her mother used to live . It is there that Ava will be moving into and where she will be staying for the remainder of her college life in Hawaii . Little does she know that there is a little blue alien in that house and the two are about to cross paths and start an all new journey . I 'm fine doing both . In some points in the rp I may be aggressive and lead the plot and in other parts I may look to my partner to lead it . I try to keep things equal though and keep us both equally leading . It was so hard to believe that they were gone . Her parents had been such a big part of her life and now she would never see them again . Their funeral was nice , she made sure of that , but it was difficult for her to sit through . She felt everyone glancing her way with looks of pity and such . She didn 't want that . But they did it anyway . The only ones who probably really cared about how she felt were her Aunt Nani and her husband David . She visited them every summer and had been with them when she heard the news that her parents were gone . They had done their best to comfort her and though it didn 't help really , it was nice that they put their best efforts in . But soon , she would just want to be alone . Alone to think . Alone to grieve . Just alone in general to do whatever she wanted without another person saying she needed to act a different way . She wanted to get over her parents in her own way and in her own time . That was why , when Nani approached her with the will of her parents and said they had left her some old house there in Hawaii , Ava was willing to take the place as her new home . Obviously it would need work , as it hadn 't been lived in in many years , but she could do it . It would just take time . And so , here she was , riding with her aunt in her car to this house and when they pulled up , she looked up at it , studying it form the distance , " What 's the big sphere ? " Nani grinned and shrugged , " You 're parents were astronomers . What do you expect ? It 's where they studied the stars at night in . This also used to be our house when your mother was a little girl . Even then she was interested in the stars . She would spend hours with that thing opened up , just staring up at the sky at night . " She smiled and lead her inside , " I know its a little dirty . But its still very sturdy . Not much work needs to be done other than some cleaning . " Nani nodded , " Yeah , but we 'll get it done . Unfortunately , I can 't help today . I have to be at work in half an hour . But I 'll come by tomorrow morning to help you out . " Her aunt hugged her and kissed the top of her head , " Love you , Ava . You take care . " She nodded and hugged her back before watching her leave , the young woman alone in this new place . She sighed in the silence and looked around , " What a weird place . " She smiled , " Heh , but then again , my mother wasn 't exactly normal , so this place fits her well . " She figured , before she started cleaning , she should explore a bit and walked around to each room , looking in . Then , came the last room . The bedroom up in the sphere . She went up to the room hesitantly , an unsure look on her face , looking around as she walked around all the boxes and such piled in the room , rubbing her arms , " This place is creepy . No wonder they moved away from this place . " Of course , that wasn 't the real reason her parents moved , but she didn 't know that , all she knew was that this room gave her the creeps , yet she found herself too interested to not explore around in it , moving boxes and such as she looked around , a curious look on her face . He stood next to Nani at the funeral . short enough not to be seen , dressed in a black suite with fedora on his head , his ears covered by it as he watched . And still as they lowered the caskets into the ground , he stood there . The crowd dissipated until Only He was left . a blank stare in his pitch black eyes . Stitch walked the streets of town , looking to an ice - cream shop he use to visit with Lilo . Past the Pele 's thunder Cafe where they ' de had David and Nani 's wedding reception . To the open field he 'd said goodbye to the other aliens years before that . he shook his head , unable to figure where to go , what to do . Nani was at work , David too . he had learned by now not to interfere with that at least . IT was all he could think of . going behind a restaurant , he shuffled off all his clothes , stuffign them int he little brown clothe backpack he had . tossign it on and freeing his other two arms with a POP , Stitch looked to the left , suddenly hearing a growl . He met face to face with a large dog . " uhoh . " the dog came screaming out of the alleyway , trashcan stuff all over him and stitch scrambled up a wall with an annoyed growl . Soon he 'd be at the one place he was always welcome . Even if . . . even if Lilo was gone . He arrived at the house . a smile on his face . he had no idea what he 'd do . but he was here . he heard a car coming down the road behind him , and dove through the doggy door on the back porch fast as he could , hiding up int he observatory beneath the bed . I 'm fine doing both . In some points in the rp I may be aggressive and lead the plot and in other parts I may look to my partner to lead it . I try to keep things equal though and keep us both equally leading . " This place is going to need a lot of cleaning up . " Ava whispered to herself as she moved about the boxes . She didn 't want to get rid of anything in here though . After all , it did belong to her parents . But , then again , maybe she could just move them all down to the basement . That way it would still be here , but it wouldn 't be taking up space in the observatory . She didn 't know what exactly she could use the observatory for , but surely she could find some use for it . And so , nodding to herself , she set to work , carrying everything , box by box , down to the basement , which took quite a while . Soon though , she was done and smiled to herself , going back up tot he room with a broom in hand , as well as a clear container that carried other cleaning supplies . She began sweeping the dusty floors , when she heard a slight scratching sound on the wood of the floors , growing a little nervous . Ava hated animals such as mice and rats , so hearing that sound and knowing a house as old as this might have them , she was terrified . Carefully , broom turned upside down as if to swing it , she began searching about , tiptoeing through the room until she heard the sound again , this time coming from under the bed . Huffing and out of breath , she looked down to see it wasn 't a rat . At least , she didn 't think it was . It looked more like a strange dog . A wild dog that had snuck into the house ? How had it even got in here ? Of course , she had completely forgotten about the doggy door . She would have to seal that thing up later . For now she had to figure out what to do about this thing first . Maybe she could call somebody ? She nervously looked around , seeing she had left her phone across the room and there was no way she was going to reach it without letting the thing out . Great . Maybe she could make a run for her phone ? She looked down at the thing inside . Was it fast ? She hoped not . Looking back to her phone , she hopped off of the container and dashed toward it , scooping it up and then , seeing the thing had gotten out , she rushed over to the bunk beds , climbing up to the top one . Surely it couldn 't climb up there , right ? After all , dogs couldn 't climb that well . Then she began dialing Nani 's number . She only got voice mail , but at least she could leave a message for her to get there as soon as she got off of work , " Nani ? ! You have to come here as quick as you can ! T - There 's a . . . a thing here ! " She would feel a poke at her ankle . like a child . two large black eyes looked up at her and the cute little blue thing tilted his head . " you . . know Nani ? " he burbled . blinking . a fly landed on his eyeball and he quickly licked it off , swallowing it and smacking his lips . a sheepish toothy grin on his face . I 'm fine doing both . In some points in the rp I may be aggressive and lead the plot and in other parts I may look to my partner to lead it . I try to keep things equal though and keep us both equally leading . At the feel of something touching her ankles , Ava shrieked once more and in her fear dropped the phone , it clattering to the ground . She scooted away from the dog like thing , looking at it with wide eyes as it talked . Yes , TALKED . How was that even possible that an animal could do such a thing ? She looked down at it , " You . . . . you talk ? " Of course , then her mind was brought back to the thing 's question on if she knew Nani . She slowly nodded , " Nani . . . . is my aunt . " She slowly moved on the opposite side of the bed as this animal and the moment she slipped off , grabbed for the broom , holding it up , ready to swing at this animal if it came near her , " If you can talk , then tell me who you are . What you are . And why are you here ? " Stitch looked left . . then right . pictures used to hang on the walls here . lilo , stitch , nani and david . even Jumba and some of the other experiments . But not anymore . his ears flopped down and he made a dissatisfied groan in his throat . looking back at her , he smiled again , clambering to the edge of the bed and holding out his four arms . I 'm fine doing both . In some points in the rp I may be aggressive and lead the plot and in other parts I may look to my partner to lead it . I try to keep things equal though and keep us both equally leading . Nani . . . . ohana ? " Ava grew confused , looking at him , broom still raised . He didn 't really answer her questions , but who he was would have to do for now , " How in the world are you apart of Nani 's ohana ? " This just didn 't make any sense whatsoever . If this thing really knew Nani then why had she never seen him before ? And how did he even get to know Nani anyway ? After all , her aunt Nani was a practical woman who didn 't really seem like the type to go around befriending strange blue creatures . The only one that she would have known to ever befriend such a thing as this was her mother . Her eyes grew suddenly sad at the thought of her mother , the broom lowering just a little bit , but it was quick passing and soon the broom was raised once more , " You are NOT my family . The only family I have now is Nani and David . I don 't want anyone else in my family . " Family left . Family died . She didn 't want that anymore . All she needed was David and Nani . She wouldn 't be having anyone else trying to worm their way into her life . She ust couldn 't take that anymore . Stitch 's ears slipped down again and he looked at the floor . " More stubborn than Lilo . " he grunted . " I call Nani later . but you can stay in stitch 's house till then . " he said , hopping off the bed and swaggering across the floor like he owned the place , going to the stairs of the observatory to maybe find something to eat downstairs . I 'm fine doing both . In some points in the rp I may be aggressive and lead the plot and in other parts I may look to my partner to lead it . I try to keep things equal though and keep us both equally leading . " Your house ? Why I otta - - " But , before she could even do anything with her broom , the animal had left the room and her phone started ringing as well . Caught between whether to chase the thing down or answer her phone , she went to her phone first , seeing it was Nani calling her . Relieved , she snatched up the phone and answered it . " Ava ? What 's wrong ? I got a message about something in the house ? " Nani started , her voice full of urgency at the way Ava had sounded in such a panic earlier . " Yes there is something in here ! It 's . . I don 't even know what it is ! Its creepy and blue and it talks ! NANI ! IT FREAKIN ' TALKS ! " " Blue ? Talks . . . oh no . " There was a sigh on the other side of the phone , " Look , I just , I can 't leave work right now . But , trust me , Stitch is not going to hurt you . Just , hold out until I can get there after work . And don 't hurt him Ava . I have to go now . " " What do you mean ? Nani , this isn 't making any sense ! " Ava said desperately , but Nani hung up without giving her any answers , leaving the girl so confused . She heard the sound of doors opening and closing from downstairs though and figured it wasn 't time to just stand around thinking . She rushed downstairs and looked around , seeing the little blue thing going through her cabinets , which had yet to be stocked with food and such and then the little thing dared to go in her purse and grab one of her candy bars from there , " Hey ! " She rushed over , trying to grab it from him , and in the end she sat on the floor , holding him in her lap like she was wrestling a child , holding the half of the bar he hadn 't eaten yet out of his reach , " That is mine you little thief ! " She gasped when he got a hold of it anyway , eating the rest . She sighed and continued to hold him , looking down at him with a glare , " Here 's the deal you little . . . . thing . This is my house . My mother left it to me . When Nani gets here she is going to take you . . . where ever . But for now , I have to go get lunch and get things for the house . And since I 'm not leaving you in the house without me watching you , you 're coming with me . " She got up , struggling to hold the squirming blue creature in her grasp , looking about for something she could put on him . Finally , after rumaging through the drawers of the kitchen , found an old collar and leash , " Hah ! " She slipped it over his head and connected the leash to it , placing him on the floor , " There , you look like a dog now . A weird one , but it will do . " She tugged on the leash , trying to get him to follow her , " Come on you little thing . If you 're good I 'll get you something to eat while we 're out . " " mother ? ACK ! " he growled a little , but her glare made him sink back , grumbling as she carreid him off . stitch sw the collar , his ears perkign up . I 'm fine doing both . In some points in the rp I may be aggressive and lead the plot and in other parts I may look to my partner to lead it . I try to keep things equal though and keep us both equally leading . " Just when I thought you couldn 't get any stranger . . . " She mumbled after his antennas and extra arms retracted into his body . He did look much more like a dog now though , so maybe now no one would ask any questions . She sighed and rolled her eyes when he nuzzled her leg , " Come on , lets get going . " She walked with him down the street , looking for a good place to go shopping . The younger people in the town sure did give her strange looks , but the older locals looked as though everything were perfectly normal in seeing Stitch , as if they had seen him before . Finally after some walking she found a small store and nodded , kneeling down to look at him , " Okay , you stay here . I 'm just going to grab a few things , okay ? Then after that we can get some lunch . " With that , she tied the leash to the bike rack outside of the store , just as a precaution , and went inside . She was quick , picking up just enough food and such to do her the next few days , and walked out , the few bags on her arms as she untied the leash , " Alright , lets get going . " The two walked along down the road , until they reached a place called Pele 's Thunder Cafe , " Hey , Nani told me about this place . I 'll go grab us something from there . " " What ? " Ava asked in surprise , " Lilo was my mom . I don 't ever remember her having a dog . If she did I would sure know about it . " Unless she had a dog before Ava was born , in which case , that dog would be dead by now , right ? But , this dog thing was strange . Everything happening today was strange . " Well , I 'm sure that 's him . He comes and goes a lot tho . You can bring him inside . He always used to come in here to get snacks . " stitch scuttled up to one of the stool , hopping up onto it and smiling toothy at the old man , his eyes half shut as he awaited whatever Ava was going to get him . when she got their goodies he was at the table before Ava was . the same table they all used to go to . stitch wiggled his ears a little in anticipation . I 'm fine doing both . In some points in the rp I may be aggressive and lead the plot and in other parts I may look to my partner to lead it . I try to keep things equal though and keep us both equally leading . Ava sighed as she sat down , setting his food in front of him and eating her own . She wasn 't even sure if Stitch should be sitting at the table with her , but the old man said nothing about it , so she assumed that this probably wasn 't the first time Stitch had done this . She ate her food quietly , unlike this little Stitch who ate his food noisily and rather messily . This was sure going to be a long day . Once the two were finished eating , she thanks the old man and took Stitch 's leash , leading him out of the shop and down the road to the house once again . Once she was there , she took off the leash and collar , putting them away , " Alright , now , I have cleaning up I have to do , so just , keep out of my way . " With that , she went to work , cleaning and wiping things off , trying to get the house back into working order . The house was rather big though , and so it would take a long time before she would actually be done with it . After a while , she decided that was enough for the day and made her way outside , having not really looked around outside when she first got here . Out in the back yard , she found an old , but still in good shape , hammock . She smiled at this and went over to it , lighting the touches that were beside it and sat down on it . This was a really nice place to think . She sighed and leaned back , staring up at the stars before she reached in her pocket , bringing out a small family photo of herself and her mother and father . " Nani , what 's going on ? " Ava asked quietly , looking over at her aunt , " What is that . . . thing ? And why is he here ? " Nani sighed , " Let me tell you a little story . Well , a big story actually . You see , right after our parents died , I kind of had to step up and be a parent and a sister all in one . But , that also meant I had to work . A lot . And so , I had no time to really spend with Lilo a lot . She got really lonely and didn 't really have any friends . So , one night , I thought , ' what could be a better friend to her than a dog ? ! ' " Nani laughed , " Boy was I in over my head , because of course Lilo would choose the strangest and ugliest dog in the whole place . The lady even said he had been hit by a truck earlier that morning . Oi , was I freaked out . " She shrugged , " But Lilo wanted him , so I got him . Well , she payed for him after borrowing money from me , but you get the gist . That little monster was horrible . Stealing food from the fridge at night , made me loose my job , made it so I couldn 't find another job . I wanted to just toss him out or at least send him back to the shelter . " Sighing , she smiled and continued , " But , your mother wouldn 't have that . She went on to remind me that Stitch was ohana and that he belonged with us no matter what he did . Turns out , what he was ended up being more of a problem than anything he did . You see , Stitch was . . . different . He 's not a like we had thought dog . Never was . Stitch . . . . as hard as it may be to believe , is a genetic experiment made by an alien . " Ava looked at Nani like she was crazy and Nani held up her hands , " I know , I know . Its weird how I can say that with such ease now , as though its perfectly normal . But , I 've also been around him for years now . Long story short , the people who made him and people that wanted him locked up , came here to try and take him away . But , once again , your mother was stubborn in wanting to keep him , and to be honest , I didn 't want to see him go either . " She laughed softly , " Lilo guilted the alien trying to take him , saying how she bought him and the alien would be stealing if she took Stitch away . And so , they let Stitch stay . " She looked over at Ava once more , " He 's been apart of our Ohana ever since . He was very important to your mother . The two of them were together so much . Even after you were born . Your mother never told you much about her work , did she ? " Ava shook her head and Nani continued , " Both your mother and father worked for the aliens , along side Stitch , for the United Galatic Federation . In other words , this big alien council made up of a bunch of weird aliens bent on protecting peace in the universe . Those times you were left with babysitters or with me while your parents went on business trips ? That was her going off with Stitch and your father on missions . " She paused , Ava looked at her wide eyed , her eyes filling with tears , " W - what . . . . but you said . . . . you said it was in a plane crash ! " Nani hugged her , " I know , I know , I just . . . . didn 't know how to tell you the truth . The three of them , your mother , father , and Stitch were infiltrating a ship . I wasn 't told exactly what happened , but . . . there was an explosion and . . . . . they didn 't make it . " " Stitch is indestructible . The only thing that can kill him is water because he can 't swim in it . Ava . . . . I know this is hard for you to take in . . . . but . . . . you have to realize , Stitch , he 's Ohana . He 's Ohana to me . He was Ohana to your mother . And , he 's your Ohana too . " " I don 't want any more Ohana , Nani . The more Ohana , the more . . . . the more chance I have of loosing someone again . . . " She whispered , sinking back down into the hammock , staring down at the picture of her mother and father again . " Oh , baby . " Once again , Nani hugged her , " You can 't be so stuck on loosing people that you shut yourself off . If you do that , then you 'll always be alone . You have to let new people in . You have to try , Ava . Promise me you 'll give this a chance ? " With a sniffle , Ava nodded and Nani kissed her forehead before standing up , " I 'll come back again tomorrow to check on you . " With that , Nani began walking off , stopping just a little way from the house to see Stitch there . Kneeling down , Nani smiled at him and petted his head gently , " Hey Stitch . . . " She looked over her shoulder to where Ava was , the girl crying softly and holding onto that picture with a death grip , then looked back to him , " Take care of her , okay ? She really needs a friend right now . . . " Standing up she nodded , " I 'll see you later . " And with that , Nani walked off . " N . . nani . " Stitch looked up at her unable to let her go yet . He scrambled infront of her before she could get to the car . There was a sad look in his eyes . One that was unfamiliar to Nani . He held up a picture he took from his backpack . The edge was burnt , and there was a slight smudge of . . Of dries blood on the bottom . it was a picture of stitich , Lilo and her husband in federation suites on the deck of a ship . All smiling and confidant . " Stitch saw lilo . . Take photo to big store . Fixed it and made bigger . Made copies for Christmas . . . Can . . Nani fix stitch picture ? " He asked . the little blue guy held it up as high as he could for her to take . Nani looked at the picture with both sympathy and heartbreak in her expression . taking the photo gingerly from stitch 's hands , she looked at it for a second before holding it to her shirt . she didn 't know what to say or how to say it . Stitch had been around for so long now , but it was still hard to see him as anything but family . In that moment , Nani wished he was human , or at least . . . MORE human . it would have been easier to console him . to understand how he felt , but with how little he spoke and those eyes - more expressive than any human . . . she leaned down and scritched his head . " Of course i will , Stitch . Anything for Ohana . " she said . and left as quick as she could before either Ava or stitch could see her tears . she had to be strong . right ? Stitch watched her leave and slowly made his way over to ava . Without thinking twice , he hopped up into the hammock and curled up in her lap , eyes closed and ears down . he was warm and fuzzy . a bit dusty , but he didn 't even smell like an animal really . I 'm fine doing both . In some points in the rp I may be aggressive and lead the plot and in other parts I may look to my partner to lead it . I try to keep things equal though and keep us both equally leading . Ava stared down at the picture in her hand for the longest time as she sat there . She heard the soft voices of Stitch and Nani talking , but she really didn 't hear what they were saying . She was too caught up in her own thoughts . Of how she missed her parents . Of how she wanted things to go back to normal . She wanted anything to see her mother again and hug her , or to go out on father - daughter nights with her father . She just wanted things back to the way they were . Where she was with Ohana and everything was okay . She hugged the photo closely to her and closed her eyes tightly , only for them to snap open at the feel of something , or well , someone climbing onto the hammock . She watched as none other than Stitch crawled over to her , curling up in her lap . Carefully and hesitantly , the girl rested her hand on his head and began to stroke his blue her , brushing most of the dust off of him that had gotten on him from the house in the process . Then , after a moment , Ava picked him up and found herself hugging him close to her , feeling tears escape her eyes once more . It wasn 't for any reason really that she hugged him . Even though she hadn 't heard Nani say that to Stitch , it was pretty obvious what Nani had said to him had been true . She right about Ava just needing a friend . Someone to be there for her . And it seemed like Stitch needed the same thing . After all , he had just lost his best friend and a huge piece of his Ohana . Them two being kind of shoved together , this was best for both of them . They could be there for each other when no one else really could . Just like now . I 'm fine doing both . In some points in the rp I may be aggressive and lead the plot and in other parts I may look to my partner to lead it . I try to keep things equal though and keep us both equally leading . Ava smiled when Stitch hugged her back . He held him for a moment longer before setting him back down onto the hammock , whipping the tears from her face as she nodded , " Yes , Stitch is ohana . " She got up from the Hammock now , then picked him up going to carry him inside , " Like mom used to say , Ohana means family . And family means no body gets left behind . And that means you too Stitch . If you were my mothers ohana then you are my ohana too . " I 'm fine doing both . In some points in the rp I may be aggressive and lead the plot and in other parts I may look to my partner to lead it . I try to keep things equal though and keep us both equally leading . When Ava got in , she set the groceries down and went to take her photo back up to the observatory room . It was the only room she had completely cleaned and so she figured she would just sleep up there for now . When she set it down she walked back down to the kitchen where , much to her surprise , in such little time Stitch had made a mess of the kitchen , " Stitch ! " Rushing over she turned off the overflowing boiling water , then sighed turning to him , " You have to be more careful ! Do you want to burn the house down ? ! " Iwaku is a roleplay community . We don 't just write stories - we live them ! Roleplaying is stepping in to the life of a character and experiencing what they experience . Here on Iwaku , we 're all about giving you the freedom to write anything you want while providing a safe and friendly community to do it in . Our site contains forum roleplay , chat roleplay , group roleplay , private roleplay , as well as other methods for living your stories . We are a community ran by REAL PEOPLE ! We are not a corporation or a company . Our server , domain , and software licenses are privately owned and paid for 100 % out of our own pockets . To help pay for these monthly costs , we are more than happy to take donations from members in exchange for super spiffy extra tools and features on the boards . For more information you can view our Donating FAQs .

This is a topic that everyone likes and doesn 't like to talk about . Crime happens , it happens everywhere . The more people you have in an area , the more crime that is going to happen . That is just a fact of numbers . Have I been robbed ? Yes . I was also robbed in the US . The person , or people , who robbed our house knew us . That much we do know . We just couldn 't prove it , but we knew who it was . The night we got robbed at our home there were about four other houses that got robbed that night . All of this was planned by someone . We live in a small town with only a couple of police officers . So , while the cops were at one house taking a statement of what happened the people were onto another house robbing that one . They knew the cops would be at the last house taking the statement so they knew they had time to rob another house . It was very well planned . It really brought our community together though . It made us to be more aware of each others home , even letting neighbors know that they would be gone . We make sure to keep our bushes on the side of the house cut down so our neighbors can see our house and we can see theirs . We also have a couple of dogs now . A lot of people won 't go near a house with a dog because they will bark and wake up the owners , or fear of being bit . We have a small chihuahua mixed dog , she is the alarm system , and we have an American Stafford , he is the Calvary . It 's a good mix for us . When we go out in town , I always carry my purse across my body , this prevents someone from just snatching it and running off . Locally , my husband will keep his wallet in his back pocket , but when going to San Jose or another big city he carries it in his front pocket . Petty theft is the biggest thing to really worry about . Documents and credit cards can be replaced , so I don 't recommend carrying around a bunch of cash . Don 't be flaunting your cash either , that just makes you a target and look arrogant here . Expensive jewelry , leave it at home . If you want to wear something that looks nice , just get some costume jewelry , no one here is going to really know the difference . People here don 't really care what brand your clothes are , what brand your phone is , if you have the most high fashion purse , they care if you treat them well . They also don 't care if you have the biggest house or the nicest car . They care more about the kind of person you are . But that is another topic . When in the city , just be aware of your surroundings . If something doesn 't feel right , then it probably isn 't . And never let a taxi driver tell you the meter is not working . They are lying . Just get out of the taxi and get a different one . Pure and simple . In the city , only use official taxis , they are red with a yellow triangle on the side . Be street smart , which I know for a lot of people is very difficult . This is a foreign country with different laws and a different language . The court system can be extremely slow and hardly any results for petty theft . Always file a report though , even though it will take a while to do so . Most of this goes unreported by the locals . I will say about the night we got robbed . The police came out to our house at 2 am . We filled the report with them . They told us that the OIJ will be out later in the day to investigate and for us to not touch anything . The OIJ is like the FBI in the US . Well , they did actually come out to the house and dusted for prints , found nothing . I do believe that they went to the other houses as well and did the same thing . They called me about a week later to ask if I knew anything else or had anymore information for them . I had nothing . Then one day , about two weeks after the break - in , someone showed up at my gate telling me they found my purse . We followed him to his house , I think he was drunk at 10 am , and he had my purse with all my documents in it . The cell phone , camera , and MP3 players were gone though . But the IDs were more important . Also , the turtle eraser and gorilla key chain was gone . I was most upset about the turtle , long story . I went back to the OIJ and told them what had happened , they were shocked . Then about two months later they called me again to do a follow up . Still nothing new . I feel this is one of the advantages to living in a small community . More people seem to care . I have gotten to know several police officers in my town , they get rotated out every so often . I was taking my dog to the vet and one stopped me to ask about him . He was very impressed with him . He was very nice and respectful to me . One cop I gave a puppy to , since we had 5 that needed homes . He looked like a kid at Christmas when I finally gave it to him . This guy was over 6 feet tall and had a lot of muscles and he was just glowing with joy over this little pup ! It was so cute . I have never had a problem with the cops in my area , many have stopped us just to talk about where we are from . We have never been asked for ID . It 's good here . I know a lot of people have had very bad experiences with cops and the justice system down here . But that to happens everywhere . Well , if you have any questions just ask . Until manaña , Pura Vida . Taking the bus , you either love it or hate it . Taking the bus can be a very good thing . After all you can go anywhere in the country for very cheap . You let someone else do the driving while you take in the sights . A lot of people ride the bus so it cuts down on how many cars are on the road so it cuts down on emissions . It 's a really good thing … most of the time . Waiting for the city bus , even in San Jose , you need to flag them down like a taxi . Just because you are standing at a bus stop , doesn 't mean they are going to stop for you . I have seen people sit at a bus stop for hours not wanting a bus . Why ? I have no idea . I think they just wanted out of the house and probably away from the kids . You really need to pay attention when waiting for your bus as well , otherwise they are going to pass you by . Make sure you read the front of the bus to know it is the right one or not as it is approaching . Wave that arm until they stop , or you see them put on their turn signal to pull over . Waiting at the bus terminal can be a real bear at times . They start lining up about 30 minutes before the bus is scheduled to leave . We always got in line then so we could get our favorite seats , way in the back with leg room and no one kicking you in your back or the person in front of you reclining their seat into your lap . Some buses are much nicer than others . You have your typical city buses that do short routes , then you have your bigger buses that do the longer routes . Those are usually the 2 - 4 hour rides . Some of those have A / C , but not all of them . Oh , and we do have some double - decker buses down here too . I have seen those going to and from San Jose and Limon . I was always very happy to get on a bus that had A / C . When they first started these buses in our area people didn 't realize that they had A / C and always tried to open the windows . The bus driver would yell at them to close it , they finally got the hint about it . So , we do have some really nice buses here . Not the chicken buses like you used to see in the movies , not an old school bus , but real buses . The old school buses are usually used as work buses for pineapple farms and such . Also , in my area we don 't have real school buses . We have the 15 person passenger vans that pick up the kids . The parents are responsible for paying or the transportation also , not the government . I have a friend that drives one of these . They are trying to get it changed to where the government does pay for the transportation , it would really help out a lot of the families who are poor and don 't live close to the school . Well , some days are better riding the bus than others . My husband and I would do our best to not take the bus on a Friday , that is when everyone gets paid . Also , never go to a bank on Friday because it is packed . There were times that there would only be a few of us on the bus at a time , then there were times it was standing room only . Imagine taking a two hour bus ride through the mountains while standing . Done that before . I have seen it so crowded that the bus driver will get up and tell people to keep moving to the back of the bus to make more room . Then you have someone who needs to get off the bus through this crowd of people . It can take them several minutes just to try to make it to the door . This makes the ride that much longer . The bus is very reliable though . It is cheap too . It can just take a while . We finally did buy a car . My back was getting to the point that riding the bus was extremely painful . Standing and waiting and then sitting for a few hours without getting up , after that I am in a lot of pain . I have to be able to get up and move every so often . I have included a link to a youtube video that I think you will enjoy . It does help to explain how the bus can be at times . It is not always like this though , but it does happen . Until manaña , Pura Vida ! It has been just over four years since my husband and I moved to Costa Rica . We packed up our two cats , lots of clothes , and a few nick - nack items and away we went . We had three suitcases , several large duffel bags , and a couple of hiking backpacks ( those have really come in handy here , they are great for going to the farmers market and loading up with goodies , makes it much easier to carry everything ) and away we went . Within those four years I have been back to the US a total of three times and my husband has never been back . Before the big move you will have a couple of types of friends and family . You have the ones who say they are happy for you and can 't wait to come and visit you . Then there are the ones that say you are being selfish and only thinking of yourself . Still , there are some who say you are going to hate it and be back . You also have people who will tell you that they will keep in touch no matter what . Now , we do have a US phone number through Skype . I pay $ 30 a year for the number and $ 20 every three months for the service . We get unlimited calling to and from the US . I had one friend that I really kept in touch with and she kept in touch with me . She has since passed away this year from cancer . I had best friends who said they would call and never have . I have called them and they never returned my calls . This will happen to you also . Be prepared . It is one thing to have them on Facebook and for them to comment on something you post . It is a whole other ball of wax to even get a simple message from them . I get very few . But it is OK . I know they have their lives that they have to live , they have work , they have kids . My child is an adult now and moved out . We are retired . But do prepare yourself for this if you move to a foreign country . I pretty much knew it would happen . I have made more friends along the way , some have become like family to me here . I am grateful to be here in this beautiful country . But never believe someone when they tell you that they will come and visit you after you move . Oh , and don 't forget about the guilt they will put on you for not going and visiting them in the US . Hello ! We moved down here for a reason . I really don 't want to go back . My husband doesn 't either . You will get all sorts of people telling you that you need to go and visit them . They will try to lay a guilt trip on you about not seeing your family , not being there for a special occasion , or something else . Don 't let it get to you . Seriously , if they wanted to see you in this beautiful place they would . Now , I do have many friends that I know can 't afford to come down to visit . They have kids and can 't afford to fly all of them and take a few weeks off work . This I do understand . But they need to understand also that we are on a fixed income and can 't just pack up and go back whenever they want us to . We are still investing in our little home fixing it up . Are we being selfish ? Maybe . Do I care ? Not really . I spent years working two and three jobs at a time getting nowhere fast . This is my time here . If you want to be a part of it , great ! If not , that 's OK too . Until manaña , Pura Vida ! The husband and I had been trying to sell the house . We were thinking of going to either Nicaragua or Panama . Our main reason for this was the cost of living . It is high in Costa Rica when compared to other countries in Central America . But we sat down and really talked about things . We aren 't getting any younger , we had to have one of those conversations that you hate having when you get older . At our age , why would we want to go through this whole process again of immigrating to another country . That is a lot of time and money right there . Plus , getting all the paperwork to take the pets and take them on the long trip . The main thing that got us is that we bought this house . Yes , we do still have a mortgage , but it 's not that much . If we move to another country we would be going back to renting . Again , at our age that could be a problem . If something happens to one of us , the benefits are going to be cut down and it will make it difficult to afford rent with everything else . If we stay here , the house can be paid for and the other one will always have a place to live . So , we took the sign down today . We figured why not just stay here ? We have great friends , neighbors that treat us like family , completely covered healthcare , and it is a great town that we live in . I asked our neighbor the other day if he would cut down a tree for us in the yard ; it was really in the way and causing problems with the car . My husband and I both asked him how much to cut it down and he told us nothing . His son even came over and helped him remove it from the yard . I think I need to bake him a cake or something for this . We have planted other trees in the yard . This tree though was going into our power and internet lines , the leaves were very small and falling into the car clogging up the vents also . So now that it is out of the way we can also build our car port ; if it ever stops raining . We have a lot of plans for our little home . We have been slowly adding to it since we bought it , it was an ugly little house and now it is a When we first bought the house . It has been a pretty laid back and boring sort of week . Not a whole lot going on for us . I am actually looking at some sunshine right now though ! We need it after all this rain we have been having . We have had crazy amounts of rain for this time of year . Last week our clothes dryer decided to quit working . Not happy , especially with all the rain , I can 't even hang them out to dry . One day my neighbor came over and asked if she could use it . That is the first time she has ever asked to use it . I think she wants one now but they are very expensive here . Well , the husband went out and found someone to fix it for us . He came out to the house and spent about 4 hours trying to figure out what was wrong , went and bought the parts , and fixed it . Total cost was under $ 80 for parts and labor . I will take that . He also gave us a three month guarantee for parts and labor . That was on a Monday and it worked fine that day . We use it on Friday and the clothes come out super hot . I had a feeling something was wrong . Saturday , it didn 't do anything . So , I call the guy back . He came right out and took it apart again , found out what was wrong … again . Had to wait so he could get to the store to get another part to replace it . He told us he would be here Monday ; I called and he wasn 't able to get the part and is supposed to be here today , Wednesday . I really hope he gets this thing fixed today so I can do laundry ; it is starting to pile up . My cleaning lady quit . She got another job in San Jose . I was really sad to see her leave , but very happy for her at the same time . After all she has three kids and this new job pays her a heck of a lot more . She is trying to save up money to buy a piece of property and build a house . Really smart lady . She was so good at cleaning , very nice too . We already miss her . We also have some people staying with us from Spain right now . They are going to be here for two more nights . Very nice couple and easy to get along with . We have hosted a lot of different people from a lot of different countries here in our little home . It is a lot of fun getting to know them . Sometimes there is a language barrier , we had one couple stay with us that knew very little Spanish and very little English , they spoke French . We had a guy stay with us for so long that he started paying rent ! He also started calling us mom and dad . We enjoyed having him here a lot . He became part of our family . I think the only other thing that has been going on is me trying to find an air cast . I live in a very small town and this is not something that is used often here . I have been to every pharmacy around and have been told that I will have to go to one of the bigger cities to find it . I have tendinitis in my ankle and it is just not healing up this time . I had an air cast before and used it for a couple of weeks and was good after that . So , it looks like we are going to have to make a small trip one day soon . I miss taking my dog on long walks . It is good for him and me . So , that is about it for right now . Just a normal week in my little life , in my little house , in my little country , in my little town . Until manaña , Pura Vida ! This is a topic that really bothers me at times . Most of you have already seen my post about Bruno , the American Stanford that we adopted . Now , I have a huge soft spot for animals ; I like them more than most people . Animals , dogs and cats , have this way of giving you unconditional love . They don 't care if you are rich or poor , if you are fat or skinny , if you have a big or little house , what kind of clothes you wear , whether or not you have the latest technology . They will love you no matter what . All they ask is to be loved and cared for and they do the same in return . The first dog we had here was a street dog that came up to our house one day . He was a beautiful German Shepherd and we named him Duke . He was very emaciated and sick . He was also under a year old . We fed him , took him to the vet , and he stayed around for a long time . He protected our house , and our neighbors house . He was a beautiful dog . But one day he up and left . We seen him several months later walking with a little boy . The boy loved the dog and you could tell Duke felt the same way about him . Long story short , we let the kid keep him because we could tell they were happy with each other . Then there was Grace , a black German Shepherd that showed up one day in our neighborhood . She was very skinny and sick also . She kept hanging around the neighborhood so I tried to get her to come to me . I would throw out little bits of food for her to get . It took me three days , but I finally earned her trust and she let me pet her . That was all that it took . She had so many problems it wasn 't funny . She was anemic , a very low blood platelet count ( so we couldn 't get her fixed any time soon ) and she also had ehrlichia , which is a tick disease , and something else I can 't remember . We had all sorts of blood work done , including an ultrasound . She was a mess , but she turned into the sweetest dog . We were waiting for her to fully recover before getting her fixed , then she went into heat just as she got better . She got out on us and ended up pregnant . Poor thing had to have a cesarean section to have the puppies and my vet spayed her at the same time . Just over 4 months later she died of a heart attack . She was still very young , maybe three years old , but we believe it was because she had the ehrlichia before . It can have side effects that last a lifetime . I cried my eyes out over her . Before all of this was Spot the cat . He was a stripped kitten with a little spot on his nose . He was about 4 weeks old when he came to us . He was thrown out of a plastic garbage bag at our front gate ! He was so tiny , his eyes were still blue . We took him in and our older cat took him under his wing and helped him every step of the way . I had never seen an adult male cat care for a kitten the way Boo - Boo did . They even napped together . Boo - Boo was from the US , we brought him down with us . He was a rescue too . He had been hit by a car when he was found and brought to us when we were living in Ohio . Boo - Boo passed away just over three years ago . He was a very good boy and is still missed . Spot passed away about a year and a half ago . They both passed away from the same thing , a urinary track blockage . My vets tried their best to get them unblocked but couldn 't . There was nothing they could do . With my medical background they even showed me what was going on , let me in and explained to me what they had tried to do . I cried like a baby . Now there is Arainia . I found her as a kitten at a bus terminal . She was severally emaciated , I held up her leg and could light coming through because there was no muscle tissue . She was about 7 weeks old and weighed 500 grams , 1 . 1 pound . I got her onto the bus with me and took her home . We made some soft food for her to eat that night . She was so weak that she couldn 't even hold up her head . I was afraid that she would be dead by morning . I got up the next morning and went into the bathroom and got the carrier I had her in . She was meowing at me . I got her food and she dove into the bowl , not even giving me time to put it on a plate ! We knew we had a fighter here ! We rushed her to the vet and got her checked out . My vet about cried with how small she was . One month later she had tripled her weight ! She has grown into a beautiful cat now . Very sweet and loving , she just still doesn 't like Bruno . But my other cat , Coal , likes Burno and even puts up with getting dog kisses ! ( Coal is from the US , and is 7 years old now . We adopted him when he was only four months . ) Well , that is the background on our babies and some of what we have been through with them . That is not even close to being all of it . I am writing this today because of what I saw yesterday at one of the vets I go to for cat food and cat litter . The kind I use I cannot get here in my town . It is a small town and cats are not that common to have as an indoor pet . Yesterday I saw three of the tiniest kittens , their eyes were just starting to change colors . They should have still been with their mother , but they don 't know where she was . They were very dirty , their ears were a nightmare and their little bums needed to be cleaned off , something their mom would have done for them . This is not even the worst part . Outside the door they found a bag , similar to a big burlap bag , with three cats inside it . Someone put these cats inside this bag , tied up the bag , and then just dumped it off ! They were so beautiful . I think the one was the mother of the other two . They were very hot , as they were panting , and you could see the confusing on their face . I wanted to bring them home , but there is no way I could have . We already have two cats and two dogs and are on a fixed income . But things like this happen more than people realize . There are plenty of dog rescues around and people that work with dogs , but I have not found any that work specifically with cats . I want to do something about this . But it would take a lot of money and time . It would also take convincing the husband . ( He is a good husband . ) I would like to build a catio and take in up to five cats at a time and adopt them out . This way , I could continue the work of saving these precious creatures of God . But it all comes down to money . I would have to build a wall around my yard first , put in drainage ditches , put gutters on the roof , and then build the catio . There is only one place that I could build the catio and that is on the front porch and when it rains it gets a lot of water on it . So there is a lot I have to do to keep the water off of it . No easy task . Duke - Looks like he was laughing . This was when we first found him . He was still thin . Grace - She was so sweet . This was when she was still sick and we had to keep her close . Hated having her on a chain , but we spent a lot of time outside with her . My favorite picture of Spot and Boo - Boo . They were a pair ! Always playing together . Now they are together across the rainbow bridge . I miss them both so much . Back in March we finally bought a car . It is an older car , 2002 Hyundai Accent . Only had about 65 , 000 kilometers on it . Car was imported directly from South Korea . We even found a 10 , 000 Won bill in it . I will tell you that cars here are not cheap by any means . We have a very high import tax and they hold their value over the years . If you are looking for an SUV or something with four - wheel drive , you are going to pay for it . Cars can cost twice as much as they do in the US . I have seen used cars here that you would pay $ 3 , 000 for in the US cost around $ 7 , 000 here . No joke . Not to mention the price of gas as well . For regular unleaded you are looking at just under $ 5 a gallon , diesel is a little cheaper . But we don 't produce any of our oil and it all has to be imported . I can tell you that we are not the most expensive in the world , but we are definitely not the cheapest either . We do have the highest gas prices in Central America , and the worst roads . The roads here can tear up your car pretty quickly if you are not careful . In the city it 's not too bad , but once you get out into the country side and find those roads that aren 't paved , it can get pretty rough . The street I live on is not paved . We have a hole so big down the road that the neighborhood kids could use it for a kiddie pool . Plus with all the rain we have had lately , even the good roads have holes in them now . When we go out we get to play my favorite game while driving , pothole dodging . Driving here is another adventure . The Ticos are the most laid back and relaxing people in the world , until you put them behind the wheel of a car , or on a motorcycle . They drive like maniacs . The speed limit in our area is right around 60 kph . We will go 80 kph and still get passed like we are going the opposite direction . I think they believe the speed limit is the slowest that you are allowed to go and anything over that is fine , the faster the better . A stop sign is for decoration only , it has no meaning . Just make sure you look before pulling out , not everyone does . A double yellow line is to make the road look pretty , it has no meaning either . I have had people on motorcycles pass me on the right without a second thought about it also . Stopped in traffic , people on motorcycles will just cut down the middle in between the cars , why not ? They are small enough to fit through there . Out of the city also , it is not uncommon to see a family of three or four on one motorcycle ; and that little 125cc is really struggling . It doesn 't matter if it is raining , they are still out on the family bike . Now for the maintenance . We have had a couple of small problems with our car , after all it is older . We had a leak under the dash that was pretty bad actually . My friends step - son is a mechanic and works at their house . We took the car over to have him check it out . He found where the leak was coming from , had to take the corner panel off the car to get to it , had to put silicone around a cable to stop it , and did a tire rotation for us . Total cost was under $ 16 . The door handle on the passenger side broke . We bought a new one for under $ 10 and are having it installed for under $ 6 . My husband used to be a mechanic in the US , we just don 't have the tools here for all of this , and said that one of the places he worked at charged about $ 150 to replace the door handle . He took the car for an oil change a while back , they checked everything on the car , even the suspension , and he was charged about $ 30 including the oil . ( Oil is expensive here . ) So , always find a mechanic that you can trust , it can be difficult to do . Make friends with the locals and you won 't have any problems finding what you need . Until mañana , Pura Vida ! Just found this a few minutes ago and wanted to add it in . These are the fines for traffic violations . Don 't use your cell phone and drive . I woke up this morning to my dog telling me that he needed out . He is so funny about it as he just looks at me and I can feel him staring at me from the other room . I will hear him shake his body when he stands up and then feel the stare down . He is a rather big boy , about 60 pounds and we adopted him two months ago today ! We had to drive all the way down to San Jose to get him , just over two hours each way . He was in a foster home for less than a week when we picked him up . He had been beaten and left without food for a long time . He was very sick and emaciated . The people who rescued him had to get the police involved to get him removed from the home . They took him to the vet and got him on a couple of different medications for infections . On the way home , I rode in the back seat with him and he sat in my lap almost the entire way home . All he could do was just smile . He even gave me a couple of kisses on the way home . This poor dog had the worst case of diarrhea that I had ever seen in any animal , it was straight up water . We were so afraid of him getting dehydrated it wasn 't funny . We brought him home on a Saturday and that Monday I took him to my local vet to get checked out by him . My vet immediately fell in love with him . He couldn 't get over how sweet he was . He got me some vitamins and some anti - diarrhea medication to go with his other meds and home we went . He started doing better the following week , but then he started again . This time I took him to my other vet that speaks English . Her office is much farther away from us and I only go to her if I need to communicate really well or I believe there is a major problem that needs to be tested for . My local vet is wonderful , but his office is very small and doesn 't have a lot of the equipment that she has . We did so many tests that day , poor thing was starting to get frustrated with us . He was so tired of getting poked and prodded in places that should not be prodded . Every test she ran kept coming up negative , which is really a good thing . From there we decided just to try switching his food . Wouldn 't you know it , that worked ! He started getting so much better , then we gave him a bone . A real bone from a cow and he started getting sick again . He didn 't want to walk very far , he didn 't want to play , he wasn 't eating very much at all and not drinking a lot either . Back to the vet . I take him back to my local guy . Too much fat on the bones , his body can 't handle it . It caused him to get dehydrated . Thank God this guy is awesome because I didn 't actually have the money at the time for this . He told me not to worry about it and pay him when I could . ( Love living in a small town . ) It took me two weeks to finally be able to pay him as they had moved buildings and didn 't have their credit card machine working yet . I think I went in four different times to try to pay and they phone company kept telling them mañana , so that is what they had to tell me . We actually got a good laugh out of it . ( It is easier to use my card here as credit than to pay the ATM fees as it is still in the US . ) Finally when my husband was with me he saiSo today I take Bruno back to the vet to start his vaccinations , as I have no idea which ones he had or when . We walk in and my vet just smile ear to ear ! He couldn 't get over how beautiful he looks . He has put on a lot of weight and muscle and has turned into a really handsome dog . He is so sweet and gentle , as long as he knows you . When I get him in the morning to take him out he gives me a little kiss on the side of my face . If I let him he would curl up in my lap , which he has done before . All he asks is to be loved . I am so glad that he is a part of our little family here , he has been a wonderful addition to it . This was not too long ago . He looks so much better now . After his vaccinations he will be getting fixed . He is our big baby Bruno . He is an American Stanford .

Kids ! We are now accepting art and writing submissions . Just draw what you think any character looks like or write your own story and e - mail it to Lyn @ Yobaland . com . The winners will be posted on this website for the world to see ! Your work will remain your own and will be copyright protected through our publisher . You will be able to mention you are a published artist / author on your college application ! New Chapters will be posted for each story every weekend . The current chapter is at the top . Scroll down to read from the beginning . If you like this site , tell your friends and follow me ! After several long conversations with her pet , Jamie was finally beginning to get over Ratty McRatt 's escape and started to feel better . Ratty McRatt told Jamie she would agree to let the babies go to their new homes if she could keep one baby girl so she wouldn 't be so sad . Jamie was about to agree , when Ben came out of his igloo and bashfully asked Ratty McRatt if Jamie would let one of the boys stay with him in his cage , as well . Ratty McRatt could not help but love Ben even more . His eyes were lit up and he looked so happy . Ratty McRatt translated this new request to Jamie . Jamie went to ask her mother while Ratty McRatt gathered her babies around her . " I realize some of you wish to leave and start your own families . Dad and I would love it if two of you decided to stay with us and Jamie . What do you say ? " George crept up , cautiously . " Mother , I would like to stay with you and Father , " he said , quietly . Ratty McRatt grinned . Her babies were so different , but each had something she admired . George was her selfless baby boy and she appreciated that quality in him . Then Etta approached . " I would love to stay with you and Jamie , Mother . I like it here . " Ratty McRatt 's heart swelled with love and appreciation . " I am so proud of all of you . You are each such brave little ratties , and I know you will love your new homes , wherever they are . " Her eyes glistened with tears as her chest swelled with pride . She was very lucky to have known the six ratties who will soon be leaving her . Etta curled up with Ratty McRatt , too , and Ratty McRatt was so grateful that Etta had decided to stay . However , Jamie had a plan that Ratty McRatt didn 't know about yet . Ratty McRatt was about to learn a lot about science projects ! Ratty McRatt had just settled her babies down to sleep . It was early in the morning , but for the nocturnal rats it was just past nighty - night time . She was just dozing off herself when she heard a horrifying scream . Jamie was running through the house shouting , " Ratty McRatt ! Ada ! Ben Jr . ! Chuck ! Duncan ! Etta ! Frieda ! George ! Henry ! Where are you ? ! ! ! " Jamie 's mother rushed downstairs to find the empty cage and her hysterical child . Ben was hiding in his igloo with his paws over his eyes . This was a terrible thing to witness . Jamie 's mother hugged her and stroked her hair . " Don 't worry , Baby . They probably just snuck out for a stroll . They can 't have gone far . They are somewhere in our house , I 'm sure of it . I will look for them while you are at school . It will be OK . " Jamie 's chest was still heaving with sobs when she left for school , walking out the door after one last shout : " Ratty McRatt ! Please come back to your cage where you are safe ! " She waited a moment and then had to go on to school . Ratty McRatt was holding her breath and feeling terrible that she had hurt her best friend , Jamie . Her babies were asleep and did not hear what had happened . She sat very still and thought about what she should do . If she went back to the cage , her babies would be taken away . But , under the chair is no life for them either . She was quite depressed all day and hardly slept at all . Ratty McRatt heard Jamie 's mother searching the house . She did peek under the chair , but it was so dark she didn 't see the little rat family sleeping in a pile . When Jamie got home , she scoured the house , looking everywhere . Not finding her pets , she went to her room and cried . Ratty McRatt was holding her ears trying not to hear Jamie 's sobs when she was approached by George , the shy one of the litter . George quietly whispered , " Mother , I think we should go back to the cage . We are hurting Jamie by staying here . " Ada approached as well , " We love you , Mother , but it 's time for us to grow up now and begin our own lives . " Ratty McRatt 's eyes filled with tears as she realized her brave little ratties were right and they must return to the cage . While Jamie cried in her room , her mother was in the laundry room and her father wasn 't home yet . The little rat family quickly and quietly skirted the walls , reached the cage and climbed in , locking the door behind them . Ben and Rattie McRatt held paws through the bars and Ben 's eyes were glistening with tears . He was happy they had come home . Ratty McRatt quietly told Ben her plan . He agreed . He loved his babies , too , even if only through the bars of the cages , and he did not want them to leave either . The fact that Ratty McRatt could let him out of his cage to visit his children was even more icing on the cake . Ratty McRatt returned to her cage from Jamie 's warm hands . She told her babies nothing until the McMillan family was safe in bed . Then she brought her babies together and said , " We must leave . It is no longer safe here . " Questions flew at her . How would life without Jamie be safe ? Ratty McRatt just repeated over and over , " You must trust your mother . " The babies followed their mother as she hustled them out into the dark house and to a rarely used chair in the living room that had dangling fabric hanging to the floor . They went under the chair and began to set up house . Ratty McRatt spent the entire night transferring food and shavings from their cage to the territory underneath the chair . She even snuck into the bathroom and was able to reach enough toilet paper , with an assist from George who had boosted her up on his back in order to unroll a significant amount for their new " bathroom corner " at the intersection of the chair legs in the left corner of the space . The babies were still confused and full of questions . " Why ? " they asked continually . " All will be explained . I need time to plan , " said Ratty McRatt , who was most worried about Jamie 's reaction to the empty cage next to sad , lonely Ben . When the sun rose , Ratty McRatt ran to kiss Ben goodnight , and then hustled her babies down to their new lair to sleep quietly through the daylight . She was dreading what would happen when Jamie awoke . Ratty McRatt sat , shaking , in Jamie 's warm hands . Jamie had just told her that her precious babies would have to leave . " Why can 't they live with me forever ? ! " wailed Ratty McRatt . " I I don 't even remember my own mother . I don 't want my babies to forget me ! " If rats could cry , Ratty McRatt would definitely be crying . Jamie held Ratty McRatt against her cheek and petted her softly . She had a lump in her throat as she fretted about how to soothe her pet and best friend . She lifted Ratty McRatt up to her face and cleared her throat . She was not at all sure what to say . " I love you , Ratty McRatt . You are my best friend and I will never tell you lies . " Ratty McRatt relaxed a little , but was still very upset . " When I grow up , I 'm going to leave my parents , too . I will go to college and live there for a few years , then get my own house , and probably get married and have babies just like you and Ben did . " Jamie hesitated and then continued , " My mom says that this is what all people and animals do . Your babies want to grow up and become independent adult rats . They want their own people , their own homes , and their own families . " Ratty McRatt thought for a moment . " Will I stay here with your parents when you go to college , or will I go with you ? " She stared intently into Jamie 's blue eyes . Now Jamie knew full well that rats only live three to four years , but this was information Ratty McRatt did not need to know . Jamie did not believe that leaving out this bit of information was lying , so she told the truth . " Ratty McRatt , when it is time for me to leave for college , you can come with me or stay here . It is your choice . " Ratty McRatt was relieved to hear this , but was still upset about her babies . She sniffed and explained to Jamie that she wanted to go back in her cage to speak to her babies . Secretly , however , she had another plan . Ratty McRatt was going to hide her babies and keep them forever ! Ada crooned in her mother 's ear , " What shall we tell Jamie we want for breakfast ? " She sat back and looked adorable while her mother sighed . " Ada , dear , we cannot be greedy little rats just because Jamie can understand us . It is not fair to your other brothers and sisters whom the humans cannot understand . " Ada frowned , " But why is it they can understand us and not other rats ? " Ada asked , head tilted to one side . " Well , apparently , I have a special gift and you were also born with that special gift . We were very lucky to be born this way , and we should try to be deserving of it , not just use it to get what we want . Jamie feeds us a healthy diet with lots of choices . We don 't need to ask for anything , " Ratty McRatt said patiently . Ada frowned again and walked away to sulk in the corner . George approached his mother cautiously , " I heard what you said , Mother , and I agree with you . " He was very serious . Ratty McRatt had a hard time not smiling at this sweet rat that was her son . " Yes , George , we must treasure our gift and remember to share it with your father and siblings . " Suddenly , there was quite a scuffle ! Jamie had rushed in and dropped food through the top of the cage as she ran off to catch the bus to school . " Bye , guys ! " Jamie shouted as she ran by . Duncan and Chuck both grabbed on to the same piece of food and refused to let go . They tumbled around the cage , down a ramp and spilled into the shavings at the bottom , sending a cloud of shavings onto Etta and Frieda , who were still asleep . " Hey ! You boys stop fighting ! You woke us up ! " moaned Etta , not at all happy . Duncan gave up and slunk up the ramp to the rest of the food scattered on the second level of the cage . He sat and ate his food with his back to everyone else . Frieda , who was also a sweet , gentle rat , sat beside him , eating her food and nudging him for fun until he giggled . The babies were getting bigger and Jamie had been worrying . It was almost time for them to leave their mother . Jamie 's own mother had put an ad online offering the baby rats for sale . Jamie just knew Ratty McRatt 's heart would break when those babies left . When Jamie got home , she took Ratty McRatt out of her cage and sat on the couch . She lifted Ratty McRatt eye to eye with herself and said quietly , " It 's almost time for your babies to leave to go to their new homes and make their own families . " " Leave ? ! What do you mean my babies will leave ? ! ! " wailed Ratty McRatt . The fire damage at the McMillan house had been repaired , so the family happily returned home to the familiarity of their old routines . Ratty McRatt was a little put out . The farm had been so exciting ! What was she going to do to entertain herself now in this same , old boring house ? Ratty McRatt had been moping around for two days when Jamie finally asked her what was wrong . " I am SO bored ! " Ratty McRatt put both paws on Jamie 's nose and peered into her eyes . Can you find me a friend to play with ? Jamie thought for a moment and then had an idea . Within a day , Ben came to live with the McMillan family . Ben was a handsome , tawny colored rat . He was much bigger than Ratty McRatt , but also gentle and sweet . Ben was a little frustrated that Jamie was able to understand Ratty McRatt when she spoke , and not him , but that didn 't stop him from recognizing that Ratty McRatt was a very special rat . In fact , it was love at first sight for both of them . That night they had their own quiet ratty wedding and vowed to be true to each other forever . Three weeks later , at 3 AM on a Tuesday , eight little hairless pink babies were born . Ratty McRatt named them Ada , Ben Jr . , Chuck , Duncan , Etta , Frieda , George , and Henry . The babies started out with eyes closed , tiny and pink and hairless , but gradually they got bigger and fuzzier . After a few days their eyes opened ! Some looked like Ben while some looked like Ratty McRatt and some looked like a combination of both of them . They tumbled around the cage , fought over food , cuddled at bedtime and drove their mother and Jamie crazy with questions and demands . " Can I please have a carrot ? " whined Ada . " I don 't like carrots ! I would like some apple , please , " chirped Chuck . " I don 't like either one . Can I please have some cheese ? " moaned Etta . Jamie 's eyes were wide with both delight and consternation . What would she do with all of these demands from these babies ? ! George , the most considerate and shy of the babies , scolded his siblings , " You three are being rude to Jamie ! Take what she offers and be grateful ! " Jamie giggled . She came back with a carrot , apple slice , some cheese , and George 's favorite , a blueberry . Plus extra food for the other baby rats . Ratty McRatt grinned . Since she had seen those baby pigs being born at the farm , she had wanted a family of her own . Ben was moved to a cage next door . Jamie just couldn 't handle a new batch of babies every three weeks ! Ben and Ratty McRatt were sad at first , but soon learned to hold paws and sniff noses between the bars and they slept back to back , always touching through the bars of the cage . The babies slept all around and on top of Ratty McRatt . Ratty McRatt sighed . The farm house was again quiet with everyone asleep and this was just when she wanted to play . She quietly opened her cage door with her tail and left the house through the doggie door . She stayed close to the edges of the buildings as rats do in order to protect themselves . Everything was quiet . The chickens were asleep . The goats were asleep . The cow was asleep . How incredibly boring , she thought . Then she heard some strange noises coming from the piggery . She hugged the walls of the barn and approached very cautiously . The female pig was lying down , groaning loudly . Her belly was very large and Ratty McRatt feared the pig was very sick . She approached the pig and said , quietly through the fence , " are you alright ? " The pig responded with a groan and Ratty McRatt saw a tiny , pig face coming out of the back of the pig . The mommy pig was having babies ! Ratty McRatt was so very excited ! She had never seen any animals have babies . How very interesting to witness this event ! The first little baby came out and plopped onto the ground . His eyes were closed and he made soft grunts and rolled around in the straw . The mother pig turned and looked at him but could not respond because another baby pig was being born . This one also had closed eyes , grunted and rolled around in the straw . Ratty McRatt watched this happen seven times and was completely in awe of the process . However , something went wrong with the eighth piglet . Instead of seeing a little piggy face , she saw a little piggy tail and the little piggy seemed stuck . The mother pig groaned again and Ratty McRatt knew something was wrong . She squeezed through the fence and sniffed the stuck baby piggy . The mother pig was groaning and straining but the baby piggy wasn 't coming out ! Ratty McRatt knew she had to help ! She turned around and wrapped her tail around the baby piggy 's tail as tight as she could and then pulled with all her might . The baby piggy popped out and took a huge breath of air . The mommy pig then turned around and began to lick her babies . They all began to move to their mother and search for the milk they knew she could provide . The mommy pig was very tired but she took a moment to grunt and wink at Ratty McRatt before she flopped onto her side again and offered milk to her hungry babies . Eight little babies grabbed on and began drinking milk and slurping happily . Ratty McRatt was very pleased with herself and returned to her cage knowing she had saved the life of a baby pig . How cool is that ? It was midnight and the farm house was quiet . Ratty McRatt made up her mind , and used her tail to open her cage door . She very quietly went down the stairs and out the doggie door . There was a full moon out , and it lit up the farm nicely . Ratty McRatt hid behind a plant and looked around , and then she ran to the next plant when she felt it was safe . She passed the goat pen . All of the goats were snuggled in a pile , happily asleep . She went by the pig and the cow . Everyone was sleeping . She was annoyed that she had no one to play with ! Then , suddenly , she heard a ruckus coming from the chicken house . She sprinted to it without even thinking of her own safety . She rounded the corner of the barn and saw the chickens jumping and flapping around their pen . She hunkered down and quickly crawled quietly around the pen . Around two corners she came upon an animal she had never seen before . It was reddish in color and looked like a small dog . She had heard about these wild animals . It was a fox ! She somehow knew that foxes liked to eat both eggs and chickens , so this was a real problem ! Ratty McRatt was worried about the chickens and this made her feel bold . She stalked up to the fox and said , " Just what do you think you are doing ? ! " The fox jumped at the sound of her voice , stepped back and looked Ratty McRatt up and down . " Well , aren 't you a brave , little rat , " the fox said in a musical way . " I want you to leave these chickens alone right now , " said Ratty McRatt in the firmest tone she could muster . The fox snickered . " And what would you do if I didn 't ? " Ratty McRatt thought for a moment . " I think I would scratch your eyes out with my very sharp claws . " The fox tilted his head back and laughed , showing lots of gleaming white teeth . Ratty McRatt was suddenly afraid . She chose to ignore that feeling . She rose up on her hind legs and showed her sharp claws to the fox . The fox laughed again and began to approach Ratty McRatt with a threatening gleam in his eyes . Ratty McRatt knew she had to act fast . She leapt onto the fox 's head and raked her front claws across his eyes . The fox howled in pain and shook Ratty McRatt off . She flew into a small bush and watched the wailing fox run off into the trees . The chickens immediately calmed down and stared at Ratty McRatt with a mixture of respect and confusion . They were used to wild rats stealing their eggs . This rat was very unusual . Feeling very proud of herself , Ratty McRatt strolled back into the farm house and tucked herself into her cage , wondering what her next adventure would be . The damage from the fire caused the McMillan family to have to move in with relatives for a few weeks . The great news was that they lived on a farm ! Neither Jamie , nor Ratty McRatt , had ever been to a real farm . They were beyond excited about seeing all of the animals , how they lived , and what they ate . It was going to be so much fun ! The day of the move was dramatic . Lots of the McMillan 's clothes and personal belongings smelled like smoke . Many things needed to be cleaned or replaced . Fortunately , they had an insurance company to help them . Jamie packed up her clothes . Her mother said they could wash it all later to remove the smoky smell . She also brought along some of her most treasured items , which included a blanket her grandmother had made , and a bear made by a great aunt who had died from cancer . These things , along with Ratty McRatt , were the only things Jamie could not live without . They drove in the family car , packed like sardines , for two hours and finally landed at the cousin 's farm . " So glad to see ye ! " shouted Cousin Ernest . His short , round wife , Wilfreda , beamed with delight . They ushered the McMillans in and helped them carry their bags of smelly clothing into the laundry room . " Now , don 't you worry a lick ! We will have these clothes farm fresh in just a few days , " said Wilfreda to Jamie 's mother , who smiled with relief and gratitude . Ernest gave them all a tour of the farm . " We have some pigs and some goats and two cows , oh , and lots and lots of chickens because we sell their eggs ! " He puffed his chest out with pride . Ratty McRatt was on Jamie 's shoulder , but Ernest and Wilfreda tried to pretend she didn 't exist . Wild rats are surely not welcome on egg farms . Ratty McRatt settled beside Jamie 's right ear and commented very quietly on each animal , to which Jamie giggled in amusement . " I don 't really understand the purpose of goats , " chirped Ratty McRatt . Jamie repeated this to Cousin Ernest as if it was her own thought . " Well , Jamie . Goat cheese has become mighty popular and we certainly cashed in as quickly as we could , " muttered Cousin Ernest . He cast a glance at Ratty McRatt and quickly looked away in disgust . " Of course , we do have to deal with the local pests when it comes to our business , " he added coarsely . Much later , dinner was over , the dishes were clean and everyone had retired to their appointed bedrooms . Everyone settled down and the farm became very quiet . This is when things got interesting for Ratty McRatt . The McMillan family vacation was over and now they were home . The house was both inviting and foreign at the same time . It seemed like they had been gone a whole year , instead of just two weeks ! The McMillan family , and Ratty McRatt , settled back into their familiar routine . Jamie still had two weeks of summer left before school started , and there was a rush to buy her school supplies and new clothes . Jamie 's mother was surprised to see she went up an entire shoe size ! No wonder Jamie had been so hungry lately . The third night home was like any other night . Jamie sang during her entire bath , while Ratty McRatt listened and smiled her ratty smile . She just loved Jamie so much . The McMillans settled into their beds for the night , and Ratty McRatt was tidying up her cage . She had her food buried in the right front corner and her bathroom was in the left rear corner . Ratty McRatt slept in the right rear corner sometimes or up on the second floor in her green igloo house if it was a cold day . She was just finishing up and was about to decide what adventure she could invent when she smelled something odd . She opened her cage with her tail and crept towards the smell . It was coming from the furnace door . No one ever opened that door so it was strange to smell anything coming from there . Usually smells came from the kitchen . Ratty McRatt was even more confused to see a white , cloudy mist coming out of the crack in the door . Suddenly , orange and red things jumped out of the crack in the door and got bigger very fast . Ratty McRatt knew what this was . It was fire ! They had had a fire pit at the beach while on vacation . Ratty knew fire was OK in a controlled area , but it shouldn 't be happening without adults around . Ratty McRatt raced up the stairs , climbed Jamie 's bed skirt and hopped onto sleeping Jamie 's chest . She howled , " JAMIE , WAKE UP ! " as loud as she could . Jamie jumped awake , saw Ratty McRatt and whispered , " What 's wrong ? " " FIRE ! " shouted Ratty McRatt . Jamie leapt out of bed and ran to her parent 's room shouting , " FIRE ! MOM , DAD … FIRE ! ! " The McMillan parents jumped up . Mrs . McMillan grabbed Jamie 's hand and dragged her downstairs and out the front door with Ratty McRatt riding on Jamie 's shoulder . Mr . McMillan ran for the fire extinguisher and thankfully was able to put the fire out quickly . Fortunately , neither parent asked Jamie how she had been able to get her rat out of the cage during the fire . You know parents . They would never understand if she told them that their lives were saved by a talking rat that could open her cage with her own tail . They stopped suddenly , the door opened and the man exited the taxicab and slammed the door behind him . Simon and Ratty McRatt looked at each other , horrified . They were trapped ! Fortunately , the driver got out to remove the luggage from the trunk and he left his door hanging open . Simon hissed , " get out ! " and they did . They skirted along the walls of the closest building and hid in the shadows . " Where are we ? " whispered a very worried Ratty McRatt . She had noticed the sun was coming up . They were running out of time . Simon peered at the moon and looked at the buildings around them . " This way , " he said , gruffly . Ratty McRatt worried that they were lost and that Simon was afraid to tell her . They rounded a few corners , hugging the walls and avoiding street lights , but it was getting lighter and lighter as the sun rose . Ratty McRatt was about to cry when Simon lit up and hissed , " There 's your hotel , across the street ! Run ! " They dashed across the street and Ratty McRatt followed Simon as he traversed a familiar route to the alley behind the kitchen . They passed the infamous dumpster and scampered through the hole in the wall . Once safely in the quiet , darkened kitchen , Ratty McRatt turned to Simon and entwined her tail with his . She stared into his eyes for a moment and said , " I cannot repay you for what you have done for me , but I will never forget you . " She had tears in her little ratty eyes . If a rat could blush , Simon would have . Instead , he said , " Madam , you are running out of time . Take the north staircase , it will be fastest . " He then grinned his ratty grin and took off quickly through the hole back into the alley . Ratty McRatt did as she was told , squeezing under doorways and racing upstairs to her floor . She had to silently avoid a maid 's cart , but made it to the McMillan 's room . At least , she hoped it was the right room . All of the doors looked the same ! She held her breath , squeezed under the door and saw two beds occupied with sleeping people . Up on the dresser was her cage ! She quickly climbed up the curtain , hopped on the dresser and silently entered her cage closing the door with a quiet click . She had just settled into her green igloo house when she heard a quiet voice say , " So , Ratty McRatt , did you have an eventful night ? " Jamie peered in , her eyes shining . Ratty McRatt came out of her igloo , yawned and stretched . " Not really , just relaxing while on vacation . " Then she gave Jamie a quick wink . Since it was the middle of the night , very few people were on the streets so no one saw a big , black dog with two rats on his back dashing through the city . Ratty McRatt and Simon were hanging on with their claws as Buster bolted down street after street . Simon was giving directions and Ratty McRatt was translating to Buster since Buster only heard Simon squeaking . Simon was not at all happy about that . By the time they reached the Bus Station , Buster was panting and in need of a nap . He settled down in a quiet corner . Simon leaped off Buster but Ratty McRatt walked off slowly in a dignified manner . She approached the face of the panting , exhausted dog . " I cannot tell you how much I appreciate what you have done for us . I want to repay you but I don 't know how . " Buster simply panted at her , but he seemed to be smiling . Simon squeaked a bit and Ratty McRatt added , " Simon says the trash can here has wonderful food from the vending machines . People aren 't allowed to eat on the bus so they throw their food away , half eaten , as they run to catch their bus . " Buster nodded but his eyes were already half closed . Ratty McRatt and Simon walked to the other corner to await a taxicab . What if none came tonight ? What would they do ? Thought Ratty McRatt . She had no idea how far away the hotel was . She and Simon settled down for a bit and Ratty McRatt was surprised they ended up cuddling . It was nice . Ratty McRatt , being nocturnal , was usually perky at night but this had been quite an exciting evening and she actually fell asleep next to the warm being that was Simon . She awoke abruptly when a bus pulled into the station very loudly . People exited the bus and went into the station . Ratty McRatt hoped and hoped that someone would phone the cab company for a ride . Twenty minutes later , two cabs pulled into the lot . Simon nudged Ratty McRatt and they raced towards the cab . A woman was entering the backseat while the driver put her luggage in the trunk of the car . Unfortunately , the woman saw the rats and started screaming . Simon jumped , and scampered into a pile of trash . Ratty McRatt was about to do the same when she had a thought . " Hello there ! " she said in her most polite voice . " You are just who I am looking for . " The dog stepped back and cocked his head . " You can talk ? I 've never met a rat who can talk ! " The dog sat down , quite stunned . Simon crept up beside Ratty McRatt . " Of course we can talk , " sniffed Simon indignantly , but all the dog could hear from Simon was squeaking . " I can understand her , but you are just making rat noises , " said the dog to Simon . Simon was quite miffed by this revelation . " Oh great , " Simon turned to Ratty McRatt . " Now you 'll have to translate for a dog ! " Ratty McRatt ignored Simon and turned to the dog . " My name is Ratty McRatt , and his name is Simon . " She used her tail to point to Simon . " What is your name ? " she asked the dog . " My name is Buster , and this is my place . I think you two ought to be on your way now . " " Well , we both want the same thing but we will need your help . " said Ratty McRatt , taking a moment to scratch her nose . " I do not help rats , " barked Buster . Simon pulled himself up to his full height and squeaked loudly at Buster . Ratty McRatt grinned but ignored Simon once more . " In order for us to do as you ask , we will need a ride . You see , I am not a wild rat like Simon . I live in a cage and my owner , Jamie , will be very frightened when she wakes up and finds me gone . You don 't want to scare a little girl , now , do you ? " Buster considered this for a moment . " What 's in it for me ? " he said quietly , and cocked his head . Simon began squeaking loudly again . Ratty McRatt tried to make her sweetest face . " Simon says he will take you to a place where you can get the most wonderful treats … far better than what you can get here . " Buster stood up and paced . " Hmmm … That may work . Where do you need to go ? " Ratty McRatt looked stricken . She hadn 't realized she had no idea where the hotel was ! Simon squeaked quietly for a few moments . Ratty McRatt translated to Buster . " Simon says the bus station is close by . If you can give us a ride there , we can sneak into a cab and go to Hotel Row . Simon knows which hotel we came from . Buster sighed . " Hop on , then . " He crouched down , and Ratty McRatt walked delicately up Buster 's tail and settled down behind his right ear . Simon sat on his haunches and squeaked loudly . " Simon has chosen to walk next to us , " said Ratty McRatt . " I think he might be afraid of dogs , " she followed , in a whisper that she did not want Simon to hear . " That won 't work , little guy , " Buster barked down to Simon . " I plan to run , and you won 't be able to keep up . " Simon considered this for a moment , then he also sighed and stomped up Buster 's tail to settle behind his left ear . " Hang on ! It 's going to get rough ! " shouted Buster , and off they went . The engine noise and beeping was the trash truck ! Simon , who had apparently done this before , raced up the hill of trash bags and leapt onto the edge of the dumpster . Ratty McRatt tried to follow but she could not make the leap . She jumped again and again but could not reach the edge . Simon shouted , " grab my tail ! " and turned around . Ratty McRatt jumped again but still could not reach Simon 's tail . She was trapped ! The beeping got closer and the dumpster began to jiggle as the arms of the trash truck prepared to pick it up and empty it into the truck bed . Simon was running around the edge shouting encouraging suggestions to Ratty McRatt . Nothing was working ! Ratty McRatt shouted against the engine noise , " Simon ! Jump off ! I will be OK . " Simon shook his head , took a breath and leapt back into the dumpster next to Ratty McRatt just as it was being lifted into the air . " Rat code of honor , my dear . We never leave a rat in trouble , " said Simon with a smirk . The dumpster turned upside - down and two shadowy rats dove headfirst into the sea of trash bags in the back of the trash truck . They quickly leapt out of the way to avoid the cascading bags of trash raining down on them , and huddled together in the corner , miserably . Ratty McRatt was shaking . What would Jamie think when she found the cage empty this morning ? Simon began pacing , " You know , life at the dump might be very pleasant indeed ! " He stopped , facing Ratty McRatt , his eyes glittering with excitement . " Not for me , " wailed Ratty McRatt . " I want my Jamie ! " She layed down and put her front paws over her eyes . Simon thought for a moment . " Well , then we need a plan , don 't we ? " Ratty McRatt looked up at him in amazement . Here they were , trapped in a trash truck on the way to the dump , and he was not worried in the least . Simon began pacing again . " When we get to the dump , we will just have to see what options we have . There is a solution to every problem . Right now the most pressing problem is my growling tummy . Let 's eat ! " Ratty McRatt did feel better after a little snack . She had no idea how they were going to get out of this mess , but she had hope . The trash truck went up a hill , down the other side and then slowed . The beeping started again as the truck backed up a short distance . Then the back of the truck began to tilt . " Get as close to the rear edge as you can and jump out and to the right before the trash bags come tumbling down , " roared Simon over the very loud noises . Ratty McRatt did as she was told and both rats were off to the side when the trash dumped . They immediately dashed off and hid in a pile of trash many feet away from that noisy trash truck . " Now what ? " exclaimed Ratty McRatt . Simon stood up on two legs and looked around . " We need to find a ride , " announced Simon . " A ride ? " said Ratty McRatt , incredulously . " A ride to where , and how ? " she barked , rather irritated with Simon 's incredibly positive attitude . " Well , we will have to see what we have available . There are always options , my dear . There are many in every situation . The hard part is picking the best one . " Simon turned to his right and found himself nose to nose with a very big , black dog with very long teeth and a very loud growl . Ratty McRatt froze . Someone is in here , she thought . She crept around the corner of the center kitchen island and peered through the darkness to where the voice had come from . Rats see extremely well in the dark so it was no trouble to see the figure sitting in the corner with glittering eyes staring expectantly back at her . It was a dark grey male rat . His fur was a bit tousled and he didn 't look completely clean . " My ! Aren 't you the fancy rat ! " he said with a smirk . " Do you want help or not ? " He began to lick himself on the side of his belly for a moment and then focused back on her . Ratty McRatt still had not been able to find her voice . " So , it appears you have never been in a hotel kitchen before , nor have you met a wild rat . " " A wild rat ? " Ratty McRatt said in a quavering voice . " You don 't have a home ? " She was beginning to feel sorry for this scruffy stranger . " Sure I have a home ! " He appeared indignant . " Right here is my home , and the back alley , and the dumpster ! The whole world is my home . " He sat up and puffed his chest out , very proud indeed . " I did not mean to offend you , " Ratty McRatt replied meekly . She hurried forward on impulse . She felt badly for insulting him . " I am so sorry ! This is all very new to me . What is your name ? " She approached hesitantly and stopped a few inches in front of him . " My name is Simon , " he said . " Do you want help or not ? " He sniffed , still a little put - out . " Yes , indeed , I want help " Ratty McRatt admitted , as she moved closer and smiled as much as a rat can smile . " Well , they sometimes leave the trash inside , but tonight they took it to the dumpster , so there is no food we can get to in the kitchen . Want to go out to the alley ? " Simon asked devilishly . Ratty McRatt was afraid . She had never been outside without being cradled safely in Jamie 's arms . " Is it safe ? " she asked in a whisper . " Of course it 's safe ! I do it all the time . If any cats show up , I know what to do . " Simon again puffed up his chest with pride . They squeezed through the small hole in the wall and Ratty McRatt followed Simon through the walls , and through another small hole , into the alley . The air was crisp and smelled of many foods because the dumpster was right in front of them . Simon scurried up a wooden pallet that was against the dumpster and dove in . Ratty McRatt followed tentatively and hovered at the lip of the dumpster . " Come on in ! The food is great tonight ! " shouted Simon from somewhere in the dumpster . Ratty McRatt took a deep breath and jumped . " My goodness , all of this food in one place ? ! " shouted Ratty McRatt as she wiped pasta sauce from her snout . There was spaghetti , Caesar Salad , garlic bread , pastries , hamburgers , steak , French Fries , chicken and half a pancake complete with butter and syrup ! " Yep , we will be well fed tonight ! " giggled a happy Simon . " Well , Jamie fed me dinner , so I am not that hungry , but a snack would be nice . " Ratty McRatt took a bite of the pancake and marveled at the wonderful flavor . " Jamie has never fed me this before ! " she announced with a giggle . " Thank you for bringing me here , Simon . " Before Simon could reply , there was a loud engine noise and a beep , beep , beep ! Simon jumped and raced toward Ratty McRatt . He tapped her with his paw as he ran by . " We have to leave NOW ! " he shouted . Ratty McRatt dropped the pancake and raced after him . But , how would they get out ? When the family was settled and Ratty McRatt 's cage was sitting under the umbrella , Jamie peered in and became concerned . " What 's wrong ? " she whispered . " I 've never seen so much water , " whispered Ratty McRatt . " When it comes up here , I won 't be able to swim because I am in a cage ! " Jamie smiled , opened the cage and lifted the igloo off of Ratty McRatt , who backed up against the cage wall . Jamie gently lifted Ratty McRatt and placed the rat on her chest . Ratty McRatt squeezed her eyes shut . She didn 't want to see the water . " Ratty McRatt , The water will never come up this far . Look at the waves and the wet sand . Do you see that line that separates the wet sand from the dry sand that we 're sitting on up here ? The water never goes past that point . You are safe here . Even if I am swimming , Mom or Dad will be here with you . You will never be alone . Look at the water . It 's a gorgeous day ! " Jamie stroked Ratty McRatt , and the rat bravely opened one eye as Jamie turned and gestured towards the water . " Jamie , time for sun screen " chirped Jamie 's mother . Jamie kissed Ratty McRatt and put her back in her cage . " Everything will be fine , baby . You 'll see . " Jamie said quietly and went off to be sprayed with sun screen . Ratty McRatt opened both eyes and watched the waves crashing on the shore for a few minutes . The waves were actually not that big , and what Jamie said was true ; they never passed the wet sand line . After a while , Ratty McRatt realized that all this bravery had made her sleepy . Besides , she is nocturnal and it is bed time after all . When Ratty McRatt woke up , the McMillan family was back in the hotel room and getting ready for bed . She ate the food Jamie had placed in her cage earlier and watched the family interact and talk about their day . " Good night , Ratty McRatt ! " Jamie reached in and stroked her pet . They all got in their beds and settled down . Very soon , Ratty McRatt was incredibly bored . " I kind of hate being nocturnal , she thought . They are sleeping right when I am ready to play ! " She made an instant decision and opened her cage door with her tail . Just a brief tour of the hotel would be such fun , she thought . She climbed down the window curtains and squeezed under the door . They were on the third floor and there was nothing but doors and an elevator . Ratty McRatt knew getting in the elevator was impossible , so she found the door to the stairs and squeezed under it . She flopped down each step until she reached the bottom . After squeezing under that door , she saw the lobby to the right and what looked like a restaurant to the left . " Hmmm . A restaurant has a kitchen and kitchens have food ! " She giggled to herself , hugged the wall and sprinted through the empty restaurant . " Everyone has gone to bed , so I can play ! " she thought to herself . The kitchen was dark , but moonlight came into a window so Ratty McRatt could see there was no food on the counters . " What a shame ! " she said out loud . A voice from across the kitchen said , " Don 't worry . I can help . " The McMillan family was going on vacation , and they chose a pet friendly hotel so that Ratty McRatt could come as well . After many hours in the car , they arrived . Ratty McRatt was very excited . She had never been on vacation before ! They parked , and were heading towards the hotel . Jamie was in charge of Ratty McRatt 's cage , and her parents were struggling with the luggage . At some point , Jamie realized she had left her prized possession in the car . It was her first purse , which she had received as a birthday present . As her parents struggled to get the luggage through the glass doors , Jamie turned , carrying Ratty McRatt 's cage , and leapt off the curb in front of a moving car . Ratty McRatt couldn 't help herself . She screamed , " JAMIE , STOP ! ! " Jamie did . The car stopped , too . No one got hurt , but Jamie was scolded by her parents for jumping in front of a moving car . Apparently , they did not hear Ratty McRatt , or if they did , they didn 't say anything about it . Later , in the hotel room , Jamie took Ratty McRatt into the bathroom and set Ratty McRatt on her knee . Jamie stared into Ratty McRatt 's eyes and said , " That was not my mother 's voice who told me to stop . " Ratty McRatt shook her head , as if to say no . " It was you , wasn 't it ? " Jamie stared intently at Ratty McRatt . Ratty McRatt was afraid Jamie would reject her just as the breeder had done . She took a large breath of air and slowly nodded her head up and down . " Why haven 't you told me you could talk ? Don 't you trust me ? You know I love you , " said Jamie , with tears in her eyes . Ratty McRatt made an instant decision and she spoke . " Yes , and I love you too . I was afraid you would freak out . " Ratty McRatt said , quietly , and backed up on Jamie 's knee . Jamie asked why , and Ratty McRatt told her the entire story of how one day , as a very young rat , she once said a simple ' thank you ' to the breeder who had filled her food bowl , and the man was so overcome by the jitters and muttering to himself , that he finally dumped her at a pet store the next day . Ratty McRatt was deathly afraid of rejection . " Jamie , I 'm happier with you than with any human I have ever met . I just couldn 't risk losing you , " Ratty McRatt said with tears in her eyes . She had never felt more vulnerable . Jamie picked up Ratty McRatt and held her close to her chest for a moment . Then she pulled Ratty McRatt to her face . " I love you , Ratty McRatt . You can always trust me with your secrets . " Jamie placed Ratty McRatt on her shoulder . Ratty McRatt snuggled up against Jamie 's ear . " I love you , too , Jamie . " She whispered . Ratty McRatt had two choices . She could turn around and run , or be bold . She chose to be bold , ducked her head , and ran between Oscar 's front legs , under his belly and shot out under his tail as he leaped into the air in surprise . The chase was on as Oscar bolted after her . She ran through the kitchen and dining room , climbed up the curtains and leaped on to the top of the piano . Unfortunately , cats have claws too , and Oscar followed her every move . He , however , was not as graceful as Ratty McRatt , and he knocked the printer paper onto the floor . It fell in a cloud of gently wafting papers which landed almost silently on the floor . Now Ratty McRatt was getting angry . This house is hers and Oscar is just a rude guest . She decided their chase was over , so she stopped and reared up on her hind legs . Oscar skidded to a stop and also reared up , but more surprised than poised for attack . Ratty McRatt started to run past Oscar and , on impulse , grabbed a bite of his hair . The cat yowled as a chunk of hair was pulled from his belly and he jumped sideways . Ratty McRatt rounded the corner and jumped into her cage , closing the door with her tail . Now , that was something Simon couldn 't do ; open a cage door ! Ratty McRatt was sound asleep in her warm green igloo when she heard a ruckus near the front door . " Catch him ! " someone shouted , and then Jamie 's mother calmly responded , " Don 't worry . He will settle down soon . " A strange voice sounded exasperated , " Well , thank you for taking care of Oscar for the weekend , Jamie . " " I 'm sure it will be fun , " Jamie chirped in her happy way . Ratty McRatt peeked warily out of her igloo doorway . She saw something gray streak by . Ratty McRatt backed all the way back into her igloo and pressed her back end against the farthest wall of the igloo house . A minute later she ventured to the doorway again and saw large green eyes staring straight at her . A cat ! " What was Jamie thinking bringing a cat into our house , " wailed Ratty McRatt silently in her head . Cats eat rats , don 't they ? Ratty McRatt had quickly retreated to the back of her green igloo house and was thinking hard about this problem . " I just won 't be able to leave my cage for the entire weekend , " brooded Ratty McRatt . Jamie 's sweet face appeared in front of the cage and peered into the igloo . " Don 't worry , Ratty McRatt ! I will keep you safe from Oscar . " Jamie waved her hand , picked up the gray cat with the huge green eyes and walked away . Ratty McRatt was in a huff . " I know I shouldn 't feel jealous , but Jamie is MY human , " she sniffed . Ratty McRatt stayed in her igloo and wouldn 't even come out when dinner was served . Jamie placed the food in the usual place and closed the cage door . " Poor Ratty McRatt , " Jamie said , but she walked away from the cage to check on Oscar . As the sun went down , Ratty McRatt got really hungry and ventured out to quickly grab her dinner of turkey and peas and drag it into her igloo house . She ate her dinner and waited . It got darker and darker and quieter and quieter . The McMillan family had gone to bed , but where was that cat ? Sometime during the night , Ratty McRatt became stiff and sore from lying down in the igloo house for so long . She peeked out of her doorway and saw the gray cat curled up on the couch , asleep . This could be my only chance , thought Ratty McRatt . She carefully opened her cage door with her tail and quietly slipped out onto the floor . Noiselessly , she inspected the house as she always did . It was her job to protect the McMillan family and make sure all was as it should be . Ratty McRatt felt confident that all was well and was returning to her cage when she turned a corner and walked right into old green eyes ! So , she did something rats aren 't supposed to be able to do . She unlatched her cage door with her tail . It fell down like a ramp with a soft thump . Ratty McRatt looked around the darkness carefully . Rats can see much better at night and nothing looked dangerous . So she wandered around the house . She crept up to Jamie 's room and watched Jamie 's chest rise and fall . " I wish I could wake Jamie up to play with me , " thought Ratty McRatt . When she had checked on her people - family , she went back downstairs and moodily stared out the window . " I wonder … , " she thought . She used her front paws to unlock the window , pressed herself between the wall and the window ledge and pushed with all of her might . The window slid open just enough for Ratty McRatt to climb through . She was outside ! She had never been outside before . " This may be a very bad idea , " thought Ratty McRatt . She crept very quietly around the large Pepper tree that was in the center of the yard . She heard a noise and froze . It was a rustling sound and a faint " peep " . " I hope that 's not a cat ! " she worried , but she went that direction anyway because Ratty McRatt was a very brave and curious little rat . At the base of the tree she found a baby bird looking very forlorn indeed , sitting near a broken bird egg . The baby bird must have fallen out of the tree ! It would die if Ratty McRatt didn 't help it , but she knew she couldn 't touch the baby bird . If the mother bird smelled another animal scent on her baby , she might push it again out of her nest to protect her other babies . Ratty McRatt thought hard and came up with a solution . She took the large half of the empty egg shell and scooped the baby bird into it . Then , she began her slow ascent up the tree , carrying a quietly peeping baby bird . Ratty McRatt reached the nest . There were 3 more eggs in the nest but no mother . Mother bird must be off hunting for food . The eggs were beginning to crack and Ratty McRatt heard rustling inside them . Jamie loved animals . She would have owned dozens of them in every shape , size and color , but her parents were allergic to many . Fortunately , Jamie found one animal so special , it made up for her parent 's allergies . Jamie had Ratty McRatt and that rat was special . Ratty McRatt was white with a beige hood and a white blaze down her nose . Jamie knew she was special right at the pet store . When the store employee opened the cage , Ratty McRatt crawled right out , up the lady 's arm to her shoulder and stopped . She looked right at Jamie and Jamie saw those rattie eyes that seemed to say , " take me home , please , " and so Jamie did ! Jamie also knew Ratty McRatt was special because she had no fear . Jamie was sure Ratty McRatt thought she was a giant Blue Whale rather than a tiny , furry rat . Now , since rats are nocturnal , sleeping during the day , Jamie only got to play with Ratty McRatt after her homework was done . Usually , Ratty McRatt would wait patiently on her green igloo house until Jamie could open the cage . The strange thing was that Jamie always found odd things in the cage . Like today , Wednesday , there was a half a wild bird eggshell hidden under Ratty McRatt 's running wheel . How in the world could that get there ?

I chose that name because that was probably the first thing I said when I heard about the breed . And , I get that quite often when I have the girls out and they meet new people . Most people have never heard of the breed , although we do occasionally run into someone who actually knows what they are ! I do know one thing and that is Shiba owners love to see other Shibas and read about other Shibas . I recently came across I Am Shiba and within a few days , read the whole blog . Many times I found myself laughing so hard I was on the verge of tears . LOL While not every dog is the same , there are enough similarities . Through this blog , I would love to share how I came to have these two beautiful girls , what we have been though and what we are up to . Occasionally even the girls will add their input , they can be very opinionated you know . well sort of . If you read my post about the temper tantrums , this is sort of a continuation of that . To refresh your memory , Sami has her ways of getting me to come into the kitchen and give her ice cubes . First she scratches on the door of the fridge and if that doesn 't get me out there , she starts chewing on the door . From there , she knocks down all the pop and water bottles in front of the cabinets . If I don 't get out there by then , she then starts opening cabinet doors and drawers and looks for things to get into . And , as a final resort , she rakes her nails across the metal heat vent cover . All of this is pretty harmless , but I can easily see someone having an accident with the water and pop bottles all over the floor . So tonight I decided to put an end to at least part of her obnoxious behavior . I was going to get a milk crate to put all the bottles in . I have seen them many times when I 'm not looking for them , but tonight , I couldn 't find them . But , I happened to go by the isle that had the laundry baskets and decided that would work as well . So , I did my shopping and came home to set the stage . First I wanted you to see what she does with the bottles , so I set all the bottles in front of the cabinets like I always do and went back to the dining room and got on the computer . Pretty soon , Sami went into the kitchen and started in with her antics . I waited until I heard several bottles hitting the floor and then went in to see what all she had done . Here you can see her with her handiwork . LOL Now I bring in the basket and she watches me while I put all the bottles in it . Sami and Miko both go over to the basket to check it out . Miko is still checking out the basket , but I think Sami is really thinking about this . You can almost see the wheels spinning in her head . I think she now realizes her bottle knocking over days are through . Now she is giving me that look . Not sure what that look means , but I 'm sure I will find out sooner then later . LOL Our weather this week has been unseasonably warm and I decided to take Thursday night off to enjoy the weather Thursday and today . Thursday I spent the day in the yard which Sami and Miko liked as well . I hooked them up to their leads and they played and dug holes and had all kinds of fun while I worked . Today I decided to spend some time at the Toledo Zoo to do some photography . I really wasn 't having a good day up there so I didn 't stay long . I got home to find a rather large raccoon in my front yard next to one of my maple trees . It didn 't seem to be in any hurry to go anywhere . I didn 't have a good feeling about this . I saw the neighbor guy across the street and just jokingly I asked him if one of his pets had gotten loose . He was just as surprised as I was to see the raccoon . He came over and started talking to it . It acted like it was going to climb the tree , but after only going up about a foot , it slid back down . About this time , the two guys next door came home from work on their motorcycles and they came over to see the raccoon . Three more people came over from next door and then the guy that lives on the other side came home and soon I had quite a few people there checking out the raccoon . We stood and watched it for a little bit . It did a little bit of twitching and panting and I was pretty convinced at that point that there was definitely something wrong with this raccoon . So , while I went inside to call Animal Control , everyone else stayed to keep an eye on the raccoon . Well , they only had 1 officer on duty so they said it would be awhile before he would get there . So , we watched the raccoon some more . A couple times he would fall over and it looked like it was having some kind of seizures . Then it would get up and start walking around , I should say stumble around as it wasn 't moving very good at all . I ended up getting one of my rakes out to corral it back if it tried to stray very far . After about an hour , it just laid down on it 's stomach and occasionally it would twitch it 's ears or open it 's eyes . It didn 't seem like it was going to live that much longer . It took Animal Control 1 1 / 2 hours to get to my house . He got the stick with the noose to grab the raccoon . At that point , the raccoon did some growling as he was put into the cage . I asked the officer what he thought might be wrong with the raccoon . He said it was most likely Distemper . He said that they have had a lot of raccoons this year with Distemper . In fact , he already had 2 raccoons in his van that were acting the same way and he said he had another one to pick up just around the corner from my house . I have read that Distemper can really become bad in the raccoon population to the point that it will completely wipe out the raccoons in large areas . So , since Distemper can be transmitted to dogs , that 's a very good reason why you should make sure your dog has been vaccinated against it . I did take a few photos of the raccoon before he took a turn for the worse . In fact by looking at the pictures , you wouldn 't think there was anything wrong with it . Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day . I plan on doing some things with the girlies . It 's going to be another nice day so we will take a long walk in the park and then go to their favorite store . We are also going to see about getting some of those AntlerZ . I did find one store so far that carries them , but it 's not one that we normally go to . We will see if PetSmart carries them first and then if they don 't have them , we will go to the other store . I really think Sami needs something like this to keep her occupied when she starts into one of her ice cube binges . She has really been driving me crazy today . LOL Last weekend we had a dog show in town , the Old Fort Cluster Dog Show . They had 13 people showing Shiba 's . When one of the owners was finished showing her Shiba Nara , she went to leave and the dog got spooked and slipped out of it 's slip leash and ran outside , down the street and ran across one of the busiest roads here in Fort Wayne , Coliseum BLVD . After crossing the street , Nara ran into the wooded area behind the Red Cross Building . The woman searched for Nara all day , but didn 't find her . She lived in Wisconsin and instead of heading for home without Nara , she decided to stay at the Holiday Inn next to the Red Cross . She went into the woods and set up 3 dog cages like the one Nara was used to sleeping in . Monday morning she went to check the cages and thankfully , Nara was curled up in one of them . I 'm so glad there was a happy ending ! Has your dog ever had a temper tantrum ? If so , I would like to hear about it . Sami had what I would consider a temper tantrum this morning , this is how it went . I got home this morning and took the dogs out , fed them , gave them their medicine and then took them for their morning walk . We get home and we have the Shiba 500 for about 10 minutes . They wrestle , pull the blankets off the bed , shake up the kitchen rug and chase each other . When they are done , I make their bed and Miko climbs on and lays down . I had a few things I wanted to do on the computer before I went to bed and Sami goes into the kitchen . Here 's where it started . Sami goes into one of her ice cube binges . She starts scratching on the refrigerator door and I tell her , just a minute ! She is not satisfied with this and starts chewing on the door . I yell , Eh Eh , No ! I tell her to be patient . Still not happy , she starts knocking down all the water and pop bottles . Again , I tell her to be patient ! Now she proceeds to the big box fan that is standing in front of the utility card . She takes her paw and with her nails , starts pulling on the fan . It starts to fall and she jumps back and when it hits the floor , the sound makes her jump again . I don 't think she was expecting that ! LOL I finally get finished with what I was doing , go into the kitchen and pick up the fan and the water and pop bottles and throw her a couple ice cubes , grab a handful of ice cubes and put them in her cup and go back to the computer and throw her one when she starts scratching on the door again . We go through this ice cube thing , several times a day . One time we actually looked up ice cube craving on the internet and they said that some people or animals that crave ice cubes could be iron deficient . So , we had her tested and the results turned out just fine . So , I guess she just loves to eat ice cubes . It used to be that she would only do this a couple times a day , now it is all the time . Sometimes by the end of the day , I just feel ragged . I 'm sure a lot of you have watched the Shiba puppy cam . I came across it when the first litter was about 2 weeks old . It was fun watching the Shiba puppies grow up and move on to new homes . There is one thing that really bothered me by the cam , the fact that they let their dogs destuff the toys . And , everyone thought is was so cute ! I don 't think a lot of people realize how dangerous that seemingly innocent action can be ! There is a reason why most if not all toys for dogs have warning labels on them . Dogs don 't have the same abilities as humans to get things out of their mouths . They are either able to spit it out , or swallow it . Fluff tends to stick to wet surfaces like the mouth and most times it can end up being swallowed . And , some dogs just seem to like to eat things that are not edible . While small amounts of fluff rarely causes a problem , if large amounts are ingested at one time , it can lead to some pretty serious complications . Let me tell you a story . Sami and Miko were going on 2 years old when we decided to expand their horizons around the house and let them go upstairs . Not the bedrooms , but the hallway and bathroom . They had great fun going up and down the stairs . One day it just seemed a little too quiet upstairs and I went to investigate . Here Sami had figured out how to get the vanity doors open and she pulled the trashcan and it 's contents out into the hallway . I shooed her down the stairs and picked up the mess and closed the bathroom door . The door remained shut to them until I could install baby locks on the vanity doors . Fast forward 2 months and the girls celebrate their 2nd birthday with a venison and potato cake decorated with kibble and treats . We used Sami 's food since she has to eat a special diet . She was diagnosed just a little over a year earlier with Inflammatory Bowl Disease . She was doing great , so it was really a nice celebration . But , little did we know that the damage had already been done when she got into the trash can 2 months earlier . A couple weeks later , I noticed a change in her stools , they were the consistency of pudding . I thought maybe she had eaten something she wasn 't supposed to have and gave her just a little more prednisone . By Friday morning , it didn 't seem to be getting any better , but otherwise , she seemed to be doing okay . I work 3rd shift and on Fridays I try to get as much done as I can before I take a nap . Well , I was right in the middle of my nap when my daughter woke me up to say that Sami had thrown up . She said other then that , she seemed fine . Well , our vet was closing in just a few minutes , so I told her we would just keep an eye on Sami and if it got worse , we would just take her down to Indianapolis Veterinary Referral . Saturday comes and she threw up a couple more times and her stools were not any better . So , I called down to Indy to see if Dr . Speiser was going to be on duty Sunday . He was not , but they said a Dr . Smith would be there and that she had helped with Sami the year before and was familiar with the case . So , I told them we would get there around noon on Sunday . Another thing I had noticed that Sami had been doing the last couple days was pull her stomach up when I would put her harness on . I thought that was just her way of protesting us putting the harness on . ( We later found out that that was a sign that her stomach hurt ) Sunday morning I got up thinking I would take a shower before heading down to Indy , but that was not to be . Sami kept throwing up , over and over . So , we just grabbed what we needed and headed down to Indy . We took a trash can with us and Sami was very good about throwing up in the can . We called on the way down and Dr . Smith was waiting on us . She said that Sami was getting dehydrated and they would want to keep her on IV fluids at least over night . She said she would run a few test so see if she could determine what the problem was and would call us if they found out anything . So , we headed back home . We were barely in the door when she called to tell us that Sami had Pancreatitis . The only way to treat it was to keep her on an IV diet for three days to keep the pancreas from working . She said she had never seen pancreatic values that high . They actually had to dilute it to get the results . Dr . Speiser called me the next day and he felt it was caused by the prednisone . He said she was on such a small dose that he didn 't feel she needed it anymore . So , they took her off of it and after 3 days , the pancreatic values returned to normal and they had me pick her up . They told me it might take a couple days to get her appetite back since she hadn 't eaten anything by mouth for 3 days . Well , after a couple days , we still were not able to get her to eat much and when we did finally get her to eat something , she threw it up . So , we called Indy and they said to bring her back . They wanted to do an endoscopy to see if they saw signs of the IBD . If they did , she would have to go back on Prednisone . We had already discussed options on what to do if she still needed something for the IBD . There were only 2 other options , the one medicine was known to cause Pancreatitis and the other medicine was so expensive , I would not be able to afford it . So , they did the endoscopy and that is when they found the reason she got the pancreatitis . They found a blockage in the duodenum which is the first part of the small intestine . The pancreatic duct is located there . Dr . Speiser called me and said it looked like a big wad of hair . He said he tried to remove it with the endoscopy tools , but it wouldn 't budge . He said he would have to surgically remove it . He said that since she didn 't have a good appetite , he also wanted to install a feeding tube to use until her appetite returned to normal . So , she had to stay there 2 more days and then we went to pick her up . Poor thing , she had the big cone of shame on to keep her from messing with her staples and her neck was all bandaged up with a feeding tube sticking out . He said he wanted the feedSo please everyone , keep an eye on your dog when they are playing with toys . If they start tearing the fluff out or are chewing off pieces of the toy , it 's cheaper to fix or buy a new toy then to have to go through what we did . I don 't want anyone to have to go through what we did . Two is more fun then one . Posted by Before I got Sami and Miko , I had never heard of the Shiba Inu and had never seen a Shiba Inu . When my boss came to work and told me his daughter had dropped off her two Shiba Inu to keep until she could find them homes , he looked Shiba Inu up on the computer so I could see what they looked like . They were a certified breeding pair . Now , I really wonder what exactly that means . I never asked , but given the medical problems that we have had with both dogs , she must have gotten them at P * * * * * d , you know that one store that sells puppies . Before we decided to take them , I did a lot of research on the breed . The two things that stuck out to me was that they needed to be socialized with people and other pets and they needed obedience training . Not that they will always do what you want them to do , but I really think it makes them better behaved . LOL Another thing I remembered reading is that while they are the most popular breed in Japan , they are still considered a rare breed in the United States . Still , you would think you would see one floating around here or there . We didn 't see our first Shiba until the girls were several months old . We were at PetSmart at the obedience class and we met this guy that had a very tiny female Shiba named Isis . Now , I remember questioning to myself if she was really full blooded or not . There was just something not Shiba like to me about her . Besides being very small , her coat pattern really didn 't look Shiba like and the coat itself was not thick like a Shiba . The guy asked me where I got my two Shiba 's as he was looking to get a second one . If I 'm not mistaken , he also got his Shiba at P * * * * * d . And , he also eventually got his second one from there too . He got another female and called her Meeka . I guess he had some medical issues with Meeka at first that are often associated with puppy mill dogs , but they eventually got her all better and then they just disappeared into the woodwork . About a month ago , this guy at work told me that had a black and tan Shiba puppy at P * * * * * d and that weekend I decided to take the girls out to see it . When we got there , there was this guy in one of the cubicles holding an Australian Cattle dog puppy . It was really cute and sweet . I went over to see it when one of the employees came over to see Sami and Miko . I told them I heard they had a Shiba puppy , but was then told they had already sold it . The guy holding the puppy asked me if I liked Shibas , he of course couldn 't see Sami and Miko because he was sitting down . I said yes and he then told me he had two . Really ? What colors do you have ? He then tells me that he has a Black and Tan and a Cream Shiba . I then tell him he needs to stand up and see what 's on the other side of the wall . He stood up and he couldn 't believe his eyes ! He said Miko was bigger then his Black and Tan , but besides that , they looked very much alike . He had one of the employees take the puppy from him and then we sat on the floor while he checked them out and petted them . He went on and on about how he couldn 't believe how calm they were . He said his wife wouldn 't believe him when he told her , so he took some pictures of them with his phone . I asked him why he didn 't bring his Shiba 's to the store and he told me that they can 't take theirs out in public like this because they don 't behave . What a shame ! Then 2 weeks ago , I went back there and as we were leaving , this woman stopped me so she could see Miko and Sami . She said she has a Black and Tan Shiba at home . I asked her why she didn 't bring hers to the store and she tells me she can 't because every time she puts the leash on , the dog just wants to run . So , I now know that there are other adult Shibas around here , but I guess I 'm the only one that will take theirs out in public . LOL Maybe someday . Two are more fun then one . Posted by I guess the girls decided to have a slumber party and they invited Calista to join them . She is the only one of my 3 cats that really seems to enjoy being around the dogs . When she walks by them she rubs on them and she even lets Sami clean her ears . I think one of the reasons why she started spending so much time with them is because I spend so much time with them and she likes to be where I 'm at . And , generally they are pretty good to her except for a couple times she got run down in the heat of the Shiba 500 . LOL But , she has never been hurt and it hasn 't deterred her from wanting to be around them . Besides my two Shibas , I also share my home with 3 cats . Buzby is an 8 year old female Torte , Beau is a handsome 5 year old orange and white tiger and Calista , who is also 5 years old . She is a mitted Torte Point Snowshoe . She is my baby . Some day I will have to share the story about how I came to have her . It 's that time of year to get her yearly shots . In the past , I could tell the shots affected her a little as she just seemed to lay around a couple days afterward . So , since all my cats are strictly indoor cats , I asked the vet if all the shots were necessary . My normal vet is on maternity leave so had to see a different vet in the group . She told me that the rabies and distemper shots had to be given , but the feline leukemia shot could be skipped . So , she just got the 2 shots . Later that night , I was out in the living room watching some episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond and must have dozed off . The next thing I knew , I heard some retching and opened my eyes just in time to see Calista vomit on the living room floor . So , now I have to corral both the dogs into the dining room and put the gates up . I wiped up the mess and mopped the area . It was getting pretty late , so I decided to check a few things on the computer and was then going to bed . I took the girls outside one more time and then noticed that Calista had thrown up again in the living room . I cleaned that up as well and my son came down stairs and told me that Calista had thrown up in my bedroom . Cleaned that up and got ready for bed . I collected up Calista and put her on the bed as she loves to sleep with me . Well , she was definitely not acting very good at all . She hunkered down on the shelf of my waterbed headboard and within a few minutes started retching again . So , I picked her up to put her on the floor and that is when I really noticed how hot she felt . That was when I decided we needed to make a visit to the emergency vet . So , I call them up to let them know I was coming and got ready to go . Now , I really hate going to our emergency vet . Not just the cost , ( $ 125 just for the exam ) but I have had problems with them in the past with Sami . I won 't go into that as it just makes me so mad just thinking about it . Anyways , I took the papers from my vet in so they would know what shots she got . Well , the vet was not convinced that this was from the shots . Her temperature was 105 . 5 which is very high for a cat , normal being between 100 and 102 . She thought maybe she had some kind of infection going on . I told her she was just fine before she got the shots , but since my vet failed to take a temperature , she said there was no way knowing . Now comes the guilt trip , the vet says , if she were my kitty , I would have x - rays and blood work done and some other test . Now my blood is boiling . I tell her , I 'm almost positive this is from the shots and she tells me the only thing she is willing to do is give her a Benedryl shot to help bring down the fever . I told her that if she was not better in the morning , I would take her into the vet and have her rechecked . So , she gives her the shot and out we go minus $ 147 . She said the shot would probably make her sleepy , so when I went to bed , I put her next to me . Didn 't get a whole lot of sleep , didn 't get to go to bed until almost 4 : 30 and got back up by 7 : 30 so I could call the vet and take care of Sami and Miko . It was then I remember seeing a sign on the door to the vet that they would be open Saturday from 8 to noon , but only to get prescriptions filled and sell food . So , I call them up and tell them what happened and asked if they knew any other vet I could take her to . Just so happens there is another vet close to them that has Saturday hours . So I call them and luckily they could get her in at 10am . When I get her in there , her temperature is now down to 103 . The vet said this was definitely a bad reaction to the shots . She recommended another Benedryl shot , a shot of Fomotidine to keep the nausea down and some subcutaneous fluids injected between the shoulder blades to keep her from getting dehydrated . Now , why couldn 't they have done this at the emergency vets ? ? ? Total cost for this was $ 102 , but I felt this was well worth it . She went to one of her sleeping spots and slept for a few hours and later she was roaming about , acting more normal . I could also tell her fever seemed to be gone . I was afraid she would be a little mad at me for all she had been through . She has her ways of getting even , like opening up and taking all the clothes out of one or more of my waterbed drawers . LOL I had called my Mom to tell her what happened and she told me that in Indiana , the rabies shot is only required every 3 years . Now , why don 't they tell you that at the vets office . I am definitely going to make an appointment to have a talk with the vet and try to get some of this straightened out . I 'm definitely going to get some of my questions answered and possibly have Calista exempted from getting shots since she had such a bad reaction . So , I think everyone should find out what the requirements are for immunizations in your area . Why get unnecessary shots for your pets ? Especially when there are side effects involved . August was a very dry month for us . Especially the second half . But last night , shortly after I got to work , the rain finally came . So , it seemed logical that some things that depend on the rain would be out and about this morning . After the girls ate , I took Sami out for the second time . As we were walking across the yard , I saw something move on the ground just ahead . Just as I figured out what it was , a toad , Sami snatched it before I could pull her back . I told her to drop it , which she did , but before I could pull her back , the toad moved and she grabbed it again . I told her to drop it again , but I really don 't think I needed to tell her that , for as soon as she dropped it the second time , she started shaking her head , spewing saliva everywhere . Toads can be dangerous for your pets . Toads have a few defenses to avoid being eaten . One thing they do is take in air and puff up to look larger then they are and make it hard for say a snake to swallow them . The other thing they do is secrete a toxin from the large glands behind the eyes . Well , I think that is what happened and Sami didn 't think it tasted too good . The toad was curled up in a ball on it 's back and I was hoping that she didn 't hurt it . After a few minutes of shaking her head , she finally got her business done . On the way back to the house , I went over to where the toad was and it appeared unharmed and hunkered down by the oak tree . It then jumped and Sami really wanted it . It was all I could do to pull her away . On the plus side of this , this was the 4th toad I 've seen in the yard this year . So , if you have toads in your area , be careful that your pets don 't get a hold of them . I plan on keeping a close eye on Sami today to make sure she is not suffering any side effects from the toad . Now that Sami has caught her first mole , they now know what they are all about . They are so anxious to get to that spot in the park , that they literally drag me there . The day after Sami caught the mole , we were down in mole central and both Sami and Miko saw the ground move and immediately they pounced on it . They were both digging and sniffing , sticking their noses into the tunnels and breathing in so deeply that I was sure they would inhale dirt . Well as hard as they were working to get the mole , I knew they would come up with nothing . For while they were busily working away , I saw the ground moving a couple feet away , slowing moving farther away . The mole wins this time . The next night , the mole wasn 't so lucky . Before I knew what was going on , I heard a squeak and there was Sami with another mole ! The head and front feet sticking out of one side of her mouth and one foot and the behind sticking out of the other side . Don 't worry , the other foot was inside her mouth . This one was much more lively and was squirming around . You could tell Sami was so proud of herself . So proud in fact that she did not want to give this one up . I kept telling her to drop it and she would start shivering . It made me feel bad . So now I 'm trying to figure out what to do , she was not going to drop this one . So , we continued our walk around the park area and I was hoping that I would find someone on the next street to help me out . We finally get back on the road and Sami is just prancing down the street with mole in mouth . It was just my luck that Bob was sitting in his garage cleaning up his motorcycle and I asked him if he could help me out . He really got a kick out of Sami . A few years back , Bob had a Beagle that loved to go to the park and hunt moles . It brought back memories for him . He told her a few times to drop it , but that wasn 't happening . Bob was a little concerned that if he tried to take it from her , she might bite him . I assured him that she would not do that . She has never even acted like she would bite anyone . She 's the attention seeker and goes to anyone for some attention . So , he gets a pair of work gloves out of the garage and with a little work , was able to extract the mole from her mouth . Now the story gets a little ugly . Bob does not like moles , especially since they can be very destructive to your yard . He and his wife spend many hours in their yard , they just did some nice landscaping and planted lots of new plants . So , Bob did the mole in and disposed of it . I didn 't particularly care for how it ended , I would have preferred to see the mole released back to the park , but since he did help me out , I didn 't complain . I guess it all depends on who is looking at it . This morning we went for our usual walk . We go down into the park area more since we found the stolen items there . We have had a rash of thefts in the area that is escalating and everyone in the neighborhood is on high alert . There is one area of the park in particular that seems to have a lot of mole activity and Sami and Miko love to sniff around there . Well , Miko was sniffing at this one area and Sami rushed over there to see what was going on . They were sniffing and sniffing and sniffing . Then in the blink of an eye , BAM ! ! ! ! , Sami plucked a nice plump mole right out of its tunnel ! I of course was freaking out , trying to get her to drop it . She was not going to give up her prize that easily . I was not wanting to try and open her mouth to get her to drop it . Finally after telling her numerous times to drop it , she finally let go of her prize and I pulled both dogs away . It just laid there , so I 'm not sure if she hurt it or if it was just playing dead . Just goes to show how strong their natural instinct to hunt is , no training required ! And because of that , I did tell her what a good girl she was , we just weren 't going to take it home with us . LOL Yesterday morning we went for our usual walk around the back way by the park . When we got back to our street , that is when I started seeing things strewn along the side of the road . There was a plastic bag that looked like it had cosmetics in it . There were several small tubes of what looked like lotion . There was one big bottle of lotion , some perfume , then a hat , some gum and what looked like an unwrapped McDonald 's toy . It was when I saw the plastic huggie container containing baby wipes that I suspected that someone had been walking a stroller down the street and the stuff fell out . Later , I found a cheap mens sports watch which I took inside . Later that day after I got up , I found out the couple down the street had had their car broken into and a diaper bag which she also used as purse was stolen . The watch was one of the items that was in the bag . So , this morning on our walk , I got to this point in the road that looked like someone had slammed their brakes and then there were two trails that led down to the park area , like someone had gone off road . I had noticed this yesterday morning , so the girls and I decided to investigate the park . The first thing we found was some papers and a few store cards . Not credit cards , but the kind of cards that get you discounts , like a frequent shopper kind of card . Then I saw something on the other side of the park and we went over there , but it was just some junk food wrappers . Then I spied something that looked like money and went over there and found a $ 5 dollar bill and a set of car keys . I knew of this one area that lead into the woods and just before we got on the path , I found a small coin purse . Inside was a bank card and a drivers license . When I pulled out the license , I expected to see the one ladies face , but no , it was someone else in the neighborhood . So , we walked down to her house . She was ecstatic to get her things back , the keys and money were hers also . She said I saved her a ton of money as she was just getting ready to go to the dealer to get her locks tumbled and new keys made . Here her car had been broken into the same night as the other one . She had spent the day yesterday getting a new license and new bank card , but she felt so much better knowing that someone else did not have the old ones . It was very rewarding to find these items , I just wish we could have found the other ladies wallet that had her license and credit cards in it . I took them down to show them where I found the other stuff , but we didn 't find anything else . Hopefully it will show up . Two are more fun then one . And I 'm a ice cube - aholic ! They say admission is the first step to a cure … . . I don 't think so ! I have always loved ice cubes and my Mom says I get a little obnoxious at times . She really doesn 't like giving them to me after what happened last year . I had gotten really sick and Mom noticed that my breath was getting a little stinky . Two different vets said I had a little plaque buildup and that when I got all better , it would be a good idea to get my teeth cleaned . Well , when I had a checkup with my new vet to see how I was doing , again my Mom mentioned the stinky breath . The new vet , Jill , looked at my teeth and found a big problem . I had a fractured molar that was getting infected and she said looked very painful ! She showed my Mom and part of the tooth below the gum was sticking through the gum ! So , I was put on antibiotics and scheduled to have my teeth cleaned and have that tooth pulled . We are not sure how it happened , but my Mom mentioned that I loved to chew on ice and Jill said that ice was not really good on our teeth . That may or may not have caused it . But , since I still love ice , my Mom now only puts less then a half inch of water in the trays and makes very thin ice cubes that are easier to crunch ! The best part is , I can now eat more of them ! I am so smart that I figured out where the ice cubes come from and how to get all the ice cubes I want ! First , I scratch on the door like the picture shows here . Usually she will come in and throw me a couple cubes . If that don 't work , I then proceed to chew on the edge of the door . Mom says , thank God that the refrigerator is 22 years old , otherwise she would not be so happy with me scratching and chewing on it . It that doesn 't work , I find other obnoxious things to do like knock over all the pop and water bottles that are on the floor by the counter . Or , open the cabinet doors that she hasn 't Sami proofed yet and get into the Tupperware . Usually I don 't get that far before she comes into the kitchen and throws me a couple cubes . She has even gotten a little smart . When I go into one of my ice cube binges , she will get out my cup and put a few cubes in it and throw them to me from her computer chair . She says she even hates to think what would happen if our fridge had a crushed ice cube dispenser on the door . LOL We always have great fun with Sami and Miko . Today it was Miko 's turn . It was very warm today and that would probably explain why she was laying on the hard kitchen floor instead of her bed . She always gets into the funniest sleeping positions . So , she was sleeping against the doorway and Evanita pulled her upper lip back to reveal her " smile " LOL And she will just keep it there . So , I go and get my camera . She really looks like a vicious dog here , but we know better . We decide to have a little more fun . We bring in one of their favorite toys , the Alligator and place it on her . The Alligator is a really neat toy . We have found out that they seem to prefer the bigger toys . They are after all , big dogs in little bodies . Also , it makes it a lot safer to play with them as they tend to jump and grab the toy . The Alligators body is flat and has 16 squeekers in it and there is also a rattle in the head . You probably can 't see it , but one of the nostrels has been chewed off . LOL This toy is especially good when you have two dogs . Sometimes they play tug - of - war with it . It 's kind of funny when you go toy shopping with them . You hold toys out to them and they just don 't seem that interested in anything . So , I just have to use my judgement when buying toys . If it looks like something they would like , I just buy it . And , usually after all the tags come off , they are really ready to check out and play with their new toy . I guess I should have known that it was going to happen , sooner or later . I should know that after hitting the half century mark last year , I should try to be a little more careful . But , that isn 't always easy when you don 't feel that old . Here 's how it happened . When Evanita and I take the dogs out together , we often make it a little game to see who can get to the house first . Who 's dog actually gets inside the door first . And , there is often some cheating involved , like blocking the other dog or grabbing the other dogs leash so your dog can get inside first . LOL Also , it 's not always a good idea to run across the yard when it 's dark . We have many trees in our yard and there is always some kind of branch or twig that you can trip on . And , the dogs in the 3 years have dug a few small holes that you can trip in . During the day when it 's light , it 's easy to miss them , but I always try to keep the holes in mind if I 'm running back to the house at night , even with the security lights on . So , we take the dogs out and Sami usually gets her business done first . So , I take advantage of that to get the head start to the house . We sprint across the yard and make it to the stairs and that 's when it happened . Not exactly sure just how it happened though . The beginning happened so fast I 'm not sure if I tripped going up the cement stairs onto the cement porch or if I just lost my balance . But down I went and then it was slow motion . I 'm sure my right knee hit first as it hurts the worst . Then the left knee and then I think I tried to save myself with my right hand and then the left hand . I did manage to roll to the right to keep from hitting my face on the cement porch . Must have been quite the sight ! LOL So , I 'm laying on my right side , both knees and hands stinging really bad and Sami is just looking at me like , what happened ? What are you doing down here ? LOL I finally manage to get back up and get inside . I sure hope the neighbors next door didn 't see that , they probably got quite the laugh ! Evanita and Miko have not yet begun to start back up to the house , so I go inside to survey the damage . Both palms and knees are a little skinned up , but thankfully no bleeding . I 'm sure I will really be stiff in the morning . Evanita and Miko finally get to the house and here Miko just about got herself a bunny ! Evanita took Miko around the Lilac bush and this bunny darted out in front of her . I 'm sure Miko was wishing her leash was just a little bit longer . LOL I thought I knew all the dogs in the neighborhood , apparently I missed one . Either that , or the people just got a dog . We start out on our morning walk as usual , going around the back way by the park . Sami and Miko are walking along the edge of the park sniffing things . We get just past the second house and that 's when we hear and see it . This little black and tan number , looked like it might have been a Chihuahua . It starts barking and the girls stop in their tracks and are now looking at this dog . It is up by the house . Now it is really barking at us and the girls are starting to bark back and the hair on Sami 's back is all raised up into her Mohawk . The dog starts heading for the road and I 'm not liking this at all . It stops about half way to the road and I 'm trying to get the girls to move on down the street . Let me just say this now , I have never seen any dog aggression from either one . They really don 't like dogs getting in their face or jumping all over them . They have never growled or tried to bite another dog , instead they just try to get away . As long as the dog is on a leash and they just let them sniff at each other , both are perfectly fine . So , I 'm just hoping that this dog stays in it 's yard and doesn 't cause any trouble . Well , the dog decided to come out into the street about 10 feet away from us which was ten feet too close . I 'm really getting nervous now , still trying to get the girls to move . I look up at the house and notice that the door is open with just the screen door shut . So , I pull my glove off and start whistling , really loud , hoping that someone in the house hears me . No such luck , but the whistling seems to scare the dog and it goes back into it 's yard and I manage to get the girls to start going down the street . As I look back , I see someone let the dog back in . The whole thing just makes me mad . Apparently these people are not aware that you have to have control of your dog at all times . If they can 't keep the dog in it 's yard , then they either need to tether in the yard or take it out on a leash . A third option would be to fence in their yard . I just hope this was an isolated incident , because the next time it happens , I will be calling Animal Control . The rest of the walk went off without much of a hitch until we almost got home . Miko stopped and started barking at this house . The guy that lives there is usually leaving for work as we are going by . I don 't see the guy and I don 't see the dog that lives there , so at first I 'm not sure what she is barking at . Then Sami joins in and she has the Mohawk thing going again . That is when I figure out what they are barking at . They just put a flag on the front of the house and it 's flapping in the breeze . LOL We get home and I take the harnesses off and they get a drink of water . Then it is usually time for a quick Shiba 500 . The rugs get messed up and the blankets are usually pulled off their bed and in about 5 minutes it 's over and time for the morning nap . And , now it 's time for me to go to bed . My daughters bedroom window is very popular with the pets . They can see what is going on out front . Calista , the cat in the box really loves to lay in the windowsill or in this box that my daughter attached to the headboard of her bed . She loves to watch the birds and squirrels . Sami and Miko of course like to look for the people and dogs . Here is Sami and Calista looking out the window . With all the dogs and cats I 've had over the years , I really never paid much attention to what food I fed them . The dogs usually got something like Gravy Train and the cats , Meow Mix . I never had any issues with food allergies . When we had decided to get Sami and Miko , I thought it was time to step up to the plate and feed them the best food possible . So , after a little research , we decided to go with Nutro Max puppy food . At around 8 ½ months of age , Sami got really sick and for awhile we thought we were going to lose her . She was throwing up stomach bile and her appetite was not very good . My vet ran various tests and tried different medications and nothing was helping . So , he had me take her to Indianapolis Veterinary Referral and they got to the bottom of her problem rather quickly . She was having a severe allergic reaction to her food causing Inflammatory Bowl Disease . They said it would be time consuming and expensive to find out what it was in her diet that was causing the reaction , so the best route to go would be to put her on a limited ingredient diet or novel protein diet . So , she now eats Venison and Potato and takes a small dose of Prednisone each day . She has blood work done to make sure the Prednisone is not affecting any of her organs and so far she is doing great ! So , after we got that figured out , we got to thinking about what to feed Miko when she was a year old . Since we didn 't know what triggered the allergy in Sami , we weren 't willing to keep Miko on a diet that could potentially cause her problems as well . Then we heard about Blue Buffalo . It all sounded really great with the life source bits and all and she seemed to really like it . Then we started noticing the inconsistencies with the amount of life source bits in the food . We got one bag that was at least half life source bits . Well , after a few days , we noticed her poops were black . At first we were alarmed as dark stools can be a sign of blood in the stools . Then I got to thinking about the extra life source bits she was getting which are black in color . So , we separated out the life source bits out of about 3 days worth of food and after about the second day , her poops were back to normal . Then , this last bag had no life source bits at all ! Well , if these life source bits are so important , you would think they would make sure the bags of food were consistent . So , we decided to change her food because of that and a couple other things we were noticing . One , she chews on her feet a lot more then Sami does . She could be just more of a clean freak then Sami , but on the other hand , some things in the diet can cause skin allergies . The second thing is that she seems to belch a lot after eating . Well , I had noticed a few people lately talking about California Natural . Since a lot of dog food has chicken in it , I decided to go with the Lamb and Rice formula . I 'm just now starting to mix it in with the Blue Buffalo , so it will probably be a couple weeks before we can tell any difference . Also , I can 't remember what we had the cats on before we also had them put on the Blue Buffalo . So , we switched them to the California Natural as well . Well , our walks are continuing , weather permitting . For the most part it has been warm enough , but we 've been getting some rain . I wouldn 't say I hate getting my feet wet , I just don 't like to slop around in the mud or stand in driving rain . When the weather is bad , I get my business done fast and I 'm ready to go in . Miko on the other hand , just hates going out in the bad weather and Mom says she would rather stand out in the rain looking as wet and pathetic as possible than get her business done . And , when we come in , we have to stand on the towels for a few minutes to absorb the water in our paws so we don 't track mud all over the house . Well , we got more rain yesterday and luckily it quit over night and we were able to go for our morning walk . When Mom gets home , she takes me outside as I 'm on medicine that makes me drink more water . Miko , if she knows we are going for a walk , she would rather wait until after we eat to go potty . So , Mom takes me outside , then feeds us breakfast and gives us our medicine and then we get our harnesses on for our walk . We always go the back way so we can go out in the park area and sniff around . We follow the scents of animals that have come this way and also check out all the trees and sign posts . The park is still pretty flooded from all the rain we 've been getting , so it will probably be some time before we can fully investigate the park . So , we just check things out from the side of the road . I don 't notice , but Mom has been avoiding stepping on something out in the street . We finally make it down to the main park area and Miko finally decides to get her business done . So , we are heading back home and now there are houses on both sides of the street so we have to stay in the street now . Our Mom doesn 't believe in letting us go in someone elses yard . But don 't worry , our neighborhood is very quiet and not too many cars go down the streets . That is when I see it . A big worm in the middle of the street . Mom must not have seen me checking it out and I can 't help myself and I roll around on the worm . Okay , she gets disgusted and pulls me off the worm , but wait , there is another one and then another one , they are everywhere ! Now she is having problems keeping me off the worms , saying it 's like walking through a land mine . She 's trying hard to avoid the worms , but I manage to roll around on a couple more before we get home . We finally get in the house and Miko must have been feeling pretty good since she got her business done and she started it , the Shiba 500 . She turns into a mad dog and starts barking at me and getting into the play stance . Then she charges at me and we jump up at each other with teeth flashing and making all kinds of noise . The Moms are laughing at us . We chase each other in and out of the kitchen and the dining room and Miko starts digging on the area rug in the dining room and then grabs it like shes going to do the table clothe trick . We charge each other again with teeth flashing and pretty soon , it 's all over and we are out of energy and ready for our morning nap . Got to recharge for our afternoon walk ! Last weekend was busy . About once a month , my daughter and a friend of hers go get a massage from her friends Aunt . Well , early last week , Leslie calls Evanita and says she has to cancel her appointment . I hear Evanita say , well , I will have to cancel mine too as Mom has to sleep . I told her , I see no reason why I can 't take you as I don 't work that night . Well , her appointment isn 't until 1pm and that is usually around the time that I start getting really tired . I work 3rd shift . So , I now need to find something to do to keep myself awake while she gets her massage . That is when I remember that this pet store in town recently reopened , the only one in town that sells puppies . I want to go on record that I do not believe in buying a puppy from a pet store . If you want to read about puppies from pet stores , you can go here . http : / / www . canismajor . com / dog / petstor . html But , that doesn 't mean I can 't look at them . The thing I get a kick out of is this designer dog thing . Back in my days , they called them mutts . Now they give them fancy names and charge lots of money for them . Most of them I can tell what the dogs are by the name . For instance , a Labradoodle is a cross between a Labrador and a Poodle . A Chi - winnie is a cross between a Chihuahua and a dachshund . That was a new one to me this time . Then there was one I couldn 't figure out , an Ori - Pei . Okay , I figured out the Pei part as a Shar - Pei , but what was the Ori part ? I finally had to break down and ask , it was a Pug / Shar - Pei mix . It sure was a cute puppy , but I 've seen pictures of them grownup and they just don 't appeal to me . So , we are walking along , looking at all the puppies . The place is not busy and the employees are coming over to see Sami and Miko . They are getting some attention while I 'm looking at the puppies . Besides the designer dogs , they did have some purebred dogs . They had a few English Bulldogs that were adorable . They also had an Australian Cattle Dog that was interesting . It was just laying there and when we got close , he sprang into action . Startled me and the girls . They also had one of my other favorite dogs , the Pembroke Welsh Corgi . When I see them , they look like Shibas with big ears and tiny legs . LOL We walk a little further and then we see it , a Black and Tan Shiba all curled up in a corner sleeping . So cute , too bad it was asleep . Flash forward to the next day . Evanita 's Dad usually comes over on Saturday to spend some time with her . They were watching something in her room while I was making something to eat . After we ate we were going to watch a movie . I just happen to casually mention the Shiba puppy and now Evanita and her Dad want to go see it . So , we decided to go before we watch the movie . We always take the girls to the pet store with us , so we put their harnesses on and their bandanas and off we go . We arrive at the store and this one guy that was working there the day before sees me and asks , are you here to get the Shiba puppy ? No , we just came to see it . Then he offers to bring it out and I told Evanita I would hold the girls while she and her Dad go into the cubicle to play with the puppy . A couple of the employees ask if we want to see how our dogs would react to the puppy . Well , I already know how they are going to react . A couple years earlier they had a Black and Tan Shiba and it was all over the girls and in their faces and it totally freaked them out ! So , Evanita and her Dad are now playing with the boy Shiba and one of the employees gives them a knotted rag and they play tug - of - war with him and he is just so full of energy , I mean really rowdy ! Evanita tries to pick him up and he wants nothing to do with that . He starts thrashing around and clocks her right in the chin . Dazed look on her face , she decides to put him back down . LOL She tries a little bit later and the same response . This is the best picture we were able to get of her and the Shiba So , after they had been playing with him for about 15 minutes , her Dad decides to pick him up and surprisingly , he doesn 't seem to mind and you could see this big smile creep onto her Dad 's face . He was really liking this puppy and I 'm pretty sure the thought of taking this puppy home was starting to enter his mind . We quickly remind him that in no way is his house puppy proof and he really isn 't in the position right now to be taking care of and raising a puppy , especially this rowdy little Shiba boy . While all this is going on , this one guy that worked there was acting like he knew everything about the Japanese dogs . He told me that the Shiba was not the smallest of the Japanese breeds , the smallest was the Ainu Inu . Say what ? I told him that if there was a dog called the Ainu Inu and it was smaller then the Shiba then someone must have recently bred such a dog because every book and just everything in general that I 've read about the Japanese dogs is that the Shiba is the smallest and the Akita is the largest with 4 other dogs in between . So , he decides to prove me wrong and looks it up on the internet and sure enough , there is a Ainu Inu , only it 's actually called the Ainu - Ken or Hokkaido Inu . So , I ask him to show me how much this dog weighs . And imagine this , it clearly states that the weight for this dog is between 40 to 70 pounds ! Well , I think he was a little embarrassed that he was wrong . The Shiba is the smallest and this Ainu - Ken or Hokkaido Inu is one of the dogs that is between the Shiba and the Akita . Now , here is the funny part . We decide to see how the girls react to the puppy . I told Evanita to put the puppy on the seat so he doesn 't jump on the girls . So , she holds the puppy in her lap while we open the door and I take the girls in . I no sooner had the door shut and this tiny puppy starts doing the Shiba Scream . LOL I tell you , the whole store went quiet and the whole store was looking at us and I 'm sure they thought we were torturing that poor thing or trying to kill it . LOL It was so loud and Sami and Miko were panicking and wanted out of there NOW ! ! ! LOL So , I open the door back up and they fly out of there and immediately the puppy stops . I still think we were under suspicion of doing something to that poor puppy , it really was that loud . Of course I try to tell people that that was the Shiba Scream , but not knowing the breed , they have no idea what I 'm talking about . We have only heard it ourselves a few times when Sami and Miko were pups . One day we put them in their crates and Sami was mouthing on her crate and got her jaw stuck . It really is hard to believe how much noise can come out of such a small puppy ! As reported by Sami and Miko The Mom 's have said that since the warm weather seems to have returned , we can now go on our daily walks . One in the morning and one in the evening as weather permits . At the mere sound of the word " walk " , we both turn our heads , did we really hear that ? Then we hear the magic word again and now we are excited . Our harnesses are put on and we are ready . The back road on our walk has houses on one side and a nice park area with grass and trees on the other . We see all kinds of wildlife that for some reason we are not allowed to chase . This week we have seen many squirrels and birds . We also saw our friend Julia , a Jack Russell Terrier . Not very friendly we 're afraid . Last year she nipped Sami on the nose . We get to see lots of other dogs and stop occasionally to get some attention from the people in the neighborhood . We saw a guy riding a bicycle . He said , Nice looking dogs ! Okay , he didn 't know what we were , but he recognized the fact that we were nice looking . We also had a squirrel tease us . It ran only a couple feet up a pole and went on the other side and peaked at us . So , Mom took us closer and we chased him around the pole a few times and then he jumped off the pole and ran across the street . We would have been all over him if it hadn 't been for the leashes . One interesting thing we discovered on our walks this week are two different kinds of balls . The first one we found has all kinds of spikes on it . One of the Mom 's kicked one and Miko attacked it . Then I got one . Not sure I like it that well . It seems fun to play with , but has these spikes on them that makes them hard to chew . Did I mention that they have spikes on them ? So , I just pawed around at it and played with it and was careful not to get stuck by it , I 'm pretty sure I mentioned that they have spikes on them . The second ball is about the same size , but much smoother . Easier to grab and play around with . We did find out the drawback of these smoother balls . If you play too hard with them , they have this tendency to fall apart . Kind of fuzzy inside , and don 't taste all that great . When the ball falls apart , it 's just best to find a new one . We haven 't been able to explore the whole park yet as the ground is really mushy right now from all the snow that melted . Hopefully it will dry out soon so we can go down by the creek . At least we are able to make it to a couple different trees . Hey , us girls like to check things out also ! Why is it that when one pet has to go to the vet , at least one of the other pets has to go also ? Does the saying , " Comes in Three 's " also apply to this ? The last few weeks have been expensive vet wise . First it was Sami , she is on Prednisone and has to have blood work done every 6 months to make sure it isn 't causing other problems . Everything turned out great ! Then it was Beaus turn . He started getting this black crusty stuff on his chin and I was wondering if it was related to the Eosinophilic Granuloma that he gets . The vet says no , it 's chin acne . So , he gets a antibiotic shot and some antiseptic wipes . Then it 's Sami 's turn again . Monday when we went for a walk , she kept squatting to pee and most times there was hardly a dribble coming out . I suspected a UTI and took in a urine specimen . Sure enough she did and was started on antibiotics . Then it was Beaus turn again . The chin thing is not going away so made an appointment with a different vet at the clinic we go to and he thinks it is still the Eosinophilic Granuloma that I thought it was and so he got a steroid shot . Now we wait to see if that goes away . Since it was so nice out the last few days , we have been opening the windows in the house and letting some fresh air in . Calista loves to lay in the windowsill or in the box on my daughters headboard to her bed and watch the squirrels outside . Well , she comes walking out of Evanita 's room and her one eye was almost swelled shut ! Now what ? ! So , I 'm thinking I would probably have to schedule her an appointment when I took Beau in this afternoon , but by this morning it was looking much better and tonight it looks almost gone . So , I will just keep an eye on that for a few days . So , right now I 'm just hoping that everyone gets better and we have no more vet visits for the next couple months . Two is more fun then one , sometimes . LOL Today we finally celebrated the girlies birthday with a cake . The cake was made out of one can of Sami 's Venison and Potato and decorated with biscuits and kibble . I think they knew what was coming up as soon as I opened the can ! After I formed the cake and put the decorations on , I let them lick my hands off . Kind of like licking on the beaters . LOL Then I put the candle on . This year we decided to do a video instead of taking pictures . Here it is , enjoy ! Two is more fun then one . Today the girlies are 3 years old ! It 's hard to believe we have had them for that long . We were going to do something for them this last weekend , but my weekend was short since I was going from 2nd shift to 3rd . I had to make sure I got some sleep on Sunday . So , we will probably do something for them Friday and Saturday . I would like to share some photos from their previous birthdays . Right before Birthday # 1 , Sami was diagnosed with Inflamatory Bowl disease and was put on a special diet . So , the cake is made out of 2 cans of her food decorated with kibble . Of course Miko thought this was a very special treat ! Well , when Birthday # 2 came , they both got rather excited because they knew what the cake was all about ! For the second year , the cake was made out of 1 can of food decorated with kibble and treats . They are patiently waiting for me to tell them to dig in . They start out slow . . . . . And then Miko really starts digging in . Almost finished . . . . . Cleaning up the last few morsels . . . . This weekend they will get another cake and will probably go to their favorite store , PetSmart ! Two is more fun then one . Well , it looks like winter may be losing it 's grip . While we are still getting days in the 30 's with a chance of snow flurries , over the next couple days it 's supposed to get warmer . At the end of 10 days , it 's supposed to be 46 degrees ! Not exactly shorts weather , but I 'll take it ! I 'm not much of a cold weather person . Before I got the girls , I only went outside to go to the store or work . So , I really didn 't get used to the cold weather . Since we don 't have a fenced in yard , I have to go out several times a day with the girls . I think it helps me get more acclimated to the weather . Plus , the girls love the snow so much , it has actually helped me enjoy the snow more . The first big snow of the year is always fun . When I open the door and they see what is outside , they get really excited ! Miko loves to attack anything sticking out of the snow and Sami just loves to plunge her whole head into it . I 'm sure they will miss all the snow , I will not . LOLHere is a video I took a few days ago of Evanita and the girls out in the snow . Towards the end of the video you will see a little squabble . For you Shiba owners , you know exactly what they are doing . To the untrained eye , it looks like they are fighting , but this is merely play . They love to wrestle with each other . There is a lot of noise and teeth flashing that goes with it . Usually it only lasts for a few seconds , but sometimes if they are feeling really energetic , it can last for a few minutes , usually in association with the Shiba 500 . Two is more fun then one . Miko is our little Black and Tan Shiba and her name means Beautiful March Child . She is almost the complete opposite of Sami . She is super sweet and I sometimes call her Mini Miko or Charmin because she is huggable and squeezable soft . LOL She pretty much stays out of trouble . That is not to say Sami can 't convince of something otherwise . LOL If they are both into something , you can just about guess that Sami was the one that started it . Miko does not have an active roll as guard dog , but if Sami is really riled up , she will join in . Just the other night , half the power in our house went out and we had to call the power company out . Well , this just about put Sami over the edge . At one point , both dogs went charging into the dark kitchen and when we went in there , we could see flashes of light out there . We opened the back door and here this guy was walking around the backyard looking for a bad spot in our line . Both the girls sounded like they just wanted to eat him up ! LOL I will say though that when I walk Miko alone , she will act as my protector . One time while I think Sami was in the emergency hospital in Indy , I decided to take Miko for a walk around the block . We have this old man that lives just around the corner that likes to take walks by the park area . Well , I don 't think she liked the way he was walking and she started howling at him and doing this foot shuffle thing . Not sure what that is all about , but I 'm guessing it 's along the same lines as a cats hair standing up . I guess it makes them look bigger and badder . LOLMiko is our little athletic girl . She was the one that jumped over the baby gate at just 2 months old . Not climbed , but merely sailed over the gate . So , we had to put a second gate up to prevent escapes . She was also the first one to run up the stairs . In doing that , she discovered that that was where the cat food was . So , it gave her more motivation to jump the gate and run upstairs and eat as much cat food as she could before one of us retrieved her . LOLI think she has springs iPosted by First I want to tell you a little bit about each of the girls . I will start with Sami as she is the Alpha . Yes , she is the boss and she lets Miko know that . A lot of people don 't understand a female dog humping another dog . This is just her way of showing dominance , nothing else . And , while I know this is the natural order of things , I do try to keep this at a minimum . I try to discourage it . One thing I will say about this is that you should never let a dog hump you . That is the dogs way of telling you he or she is the boss . When they do that , you have to get that situation under control ASAP ! But , Sami does take care of Miko . She cleans her face and mostly her ears . Sami has this thing about ears and she will even clean our cat Calista 's ears if she sits still for it . Sami may look so sweet and innocent here and don 't get me wrong , she is a very good girl . But , she has a mischievous side to her . She can be the trouble maker . I hear it was that way from the start . When they were first introduced to food , Sami wasn 't satisfied with just sitting or standing next to the bowl , she had to be IN the bowl . Sami was the one that just loved to pull Evanita 's hoodie strings . And worse , she liked to sneak up from behind and pull her long hair . She is the one that will get into my pots and pans , my Tupperware and my towel drawer . She is the reason why some of my cabinet doors now have child locks on them . I can 't leave anything close to the edge of the counter or she will get it . She is my little protector and watchdog . She lets me know if she hears a noise outside whether it be the mailperson , a loud vehicle or the neighbors making noise . I 'll ask her , did you hear that ? What was that ? You can see the intense look on her face . When she goes into full alert , the hair down the middle of her back , which is darker , stands up and it looks like she has this Mohawk thing going on and she looks quite fierce . LOL And , when she gets really riled up , it may take her some time before she will settle down . She does love attentiPosted by These are my two girls , Masami and Miyako . They are Japanese Shiba Inu sisters that were born March 1 , 2007 . Masami who we call Sami is the cream colored one . She really has a lot of color to her and sometimes they are refered to as dilute reds . Miyako is the Black and Tan and we call her Miko . They came to live with me at the age of 5 1 / 2 weeks old the Saturday of Easter weekend . They are pretty good sized Shibas , Sami currently weighs 37 . 5 lbs and Miko weighs 36 . 8 lbs . Our vet would like to see them both get down to 32 lbs . We will track their progress in this blog . I 've heard it said that you are not really a parent if you don 't have more then one child . Because you would always know who broke the lamp or who left the light on . I think the same can be said about owning a Shiba Inu . I think in order to experience all that is Shiba , you have to have more then one . Two is more fun then one . Sami and Miko could both stand to lose a little weight . Our vet would like them to be between 28 and 32 pounds . I think we will get a better idea on how much they should weigh as they get closer to their goal of 32 pounds for now . To accomplish this , I 've decided that what we need to do was be consistent with the amount of food and treats we give them . To do this , I bought a digital kitchen food scale . I put how much food I normally feed them in a measuring cup and weighed it . I then divided that by 3 since they get fed 3 times a day . Since we want to cut them back just until they start losing weight , I decided to weigh their food in grams . We weighed them once a week and if they didn 't lose any weight , we decreased each feeding by 1 gram . Currently they are both losing a little bit of weight . We won 't adjust the amount they get until they stop losing weight . We are hoping that since the daily walks have resumed , we won 't have to worry about decreasing their food . Here are their current weights . _______ Miko Sami

When I was ten , I broke my back . There was this big rusty metal dome out on the playground . We weren 't supposed to climb on it , but we all did . No teacher stopped us . I fell from the top . It knocked the wind out of me , but I didn 't even know I was hurt until I tried to get up and couldn 't . Then I was scared . My grandpa heard it on the scanner when they called it in . Beat the ambulance to the school . And I remember seeing him lumbering across the playground , his big hunting knife in one hand , a squirrel in the other . Everyone in town hated him . Which was fine with him . He hated them right back . His whole life people called him " Spooky Jones " behind his back . Every once in a while , they 'd slip up and call him that to his face . " Spooky ! No ! " she shouted . I remember , too , that she was wearing these kitten heels with a really sharp point , so she sank a little into the ground every time she took a step . In a way , it was like watching two horrors - my grandpa , some ancient giant , his hands out in front of him like Frankenstein 's monster , taking each step almost in slow motion , and Mrs . Burch and her herky - jerky steps , arms bent like bat - wings , steady as the rest of her shook . " Don 't kill her , please ! " This did seem to get my grandpa 's attention . He stopped for a second , but then shrugged , as if it was too much effort to explain . By now , there were sirens and the daytime cop , Bill Evans , and a handful of volunteer firemen had arrived . They , too , were now racing toward me . My grandpa stood over me , slit that squirrel 's throat , and yelled out , " Make her lucky , motherfucker . " I was lucky , too . So very , very lucky . I cracked six vertebrae and two ribs , but just bruised my spinal cord . I lost most of the feeling in my back , but I wasn 't paralyzed . I did have to wear this big cast that wrapped around me like a plaster corset . My mom wanted to take me into the city to the hospital , to see if there was something more that could be done for me . But there was no way my family could have afforded that . This meant I spent a lot more time with my grandpa . Someone had to watch me . First thing in the morning , my dad would carry me out to the car , drive so slowly and gently , like he was afraid I might break , and lift me out and put my on his dad 's couch . Grandpa would be cooking breakfast . " Want some ? " He 'd ask , while my dad was back out at the car getting my books . And that might be all he 'd say to me until lunch time . Sometimes he 'd go out . He drove an old rusted - out pick - up that didn 't go into reverse anymore and that farted big black clouds of oil - tinged smoke when he came to the four - way stop . When it started up , it sounded like the end of the world . I could hear that truck for a good five minutes after he drove away and get that much warning when he was on his way back . When he got back , he 'd always ask me , " Been snooping around ? " But early on , I couldn 't get off the couch without help . During those afternoons when he 'd leave , I was always afraid that I 'd have to go to the bathroom . And how would I get up ? Sometimes , he 'd bring home groceries , a can of Coke for me , a six - pack of beer for him , a whole raw chicken for the one - eyed dog that sometimes roamed his back yard . That dog . He didn 't listen and he didn 't obey . No use naming him , he wouldn 't come when you called . He was a mess of scars and he was missing not just an eye , but part of an ear . He was the size of a Rottweiler and broad like that , but he was white , with black spots . I always wondered what kind of monster had taken his eye and his ear . It was hard to imagine who could have bested him . His tail had a weird bend to it - when he wagged it , it only went about half - way . And the dog always , always smelled like beer , like he must have sat in a bar when he wasn 't with my grandpa , though I never saw him around town . My grandpa never smiled . Never had a kind word for anyone , though he wasn 't always mean . He just wanted the world to leave him alone and resented when it didn 't . He never hugged me , never played with me , and never , that I could remember , even touched me before I needed help getting off his couch to go to the bathroom . He didn 't let me die while I was under his watch . He fed me , gave me something to drink when I wanted it , and make sure I didn 't pee myself . That was the extent to which he could do for others . " Just obligation , " My dad said . " He 's his father 's seventh son and his father was his father 's seventh son and on back , for generations . He did what he had to do to make sure the tradition was carried on . " " Is Uncle Matt supposed to have seven sons , too ? " I asked . My dad didn 't answer me . My dad had a hard time with his family , sometimes . Early on , when I was still pretty unsteady on my feet , Grandpa had gone out in the back yard with the chicken . I heard a noise like someone was trying to play an accordion that hadn 't been used in years . Grabbing various pieces of furniture to steady myself as I walked , I made my way to the back door . My grandpa sat on the stoop , the broken - up raw chicken spread out on a paper grocery bag on the porch next to him . He threw a wing into the air and that old boulder of a dog jumped up to snatch it right out of the sky . That strange noise ? My grandpa was laughing . " I don 't know how long it 's going to take me to get this straightened out , " he said . He was pulling some things - his knife , a rusty pistol , and , weirdly enough , his wallet - out of his pockets and putting them in one kitchen drawer . Out of the adjacent drawer , he pulled a rabbit 's foot , a red flannel bag about the size of a pouch of chewing tobacco , and a small , thick , gnarled root . He put those things in his pockets . He patted himself down , as if to make sure he had not forgotten any weapon he might be carrying on him , and then he headed out the back door . I waddled after him . His truck smelled like the dog . The vinyl seats burned the back of my legs . I couldn 't get the seatbelt to latch and my grandpa struggled with it a while . " Fuck it . " He finally said . The jail was the newest thing in our town , built just a couple of years before . It had twenty cells and a set of double doors that had to be opened remotely by a guard behind a bullet - proof window . We weren 't that dangerous - the people who lived there . Sure , people got beaten up and accidents that didn 't really seem like accidents happened . But , for the most part , our problems were not that bad and the people who had those problems , in turn , were also not that bad . The jail wasn 't really for us . The county made a lot of money handing the overflow from the city . Some of those guys really were dangerous . That time my uncle got arrested , he was one of three prisoners in the whole place . When we talked to him , they let us have the whole visitation room . Not counting the guard , the father of a girl in my class , we were the only people in there . At the time , I adored my Uncle Matt . He wore his hair long and shaggy , even though everyone at school called him a commie . He also liked to read and he gave me books he thought I would enjoy . When I finished them , he wanted to talk to me about them , wanted to hear what I thought of them . But then , sitting in that room , across that table from him , watching him run his fingers over the gouges someone had already carved in the tabletop , I was upset and afraid for him . He looked like hell . His eyes were sunk into his head and there were dark circles under them . The jumpsuit they had him in was too big for him and it made him look thinner than he was , so thin you 'd think he might break . My grandpa sat next to me , his hands folded in front of him , his head down . This upset me even more . Could he not see that something was terribly wrong with Uncle Matt ? What kind of man doesn 't hug his son when that son is in such obvious distress ? " Okay , okay , " Matt said . " Leave me here . That 's a good idea . " He meant it , which I found confusing . " The longest they 'll hold me is a week . Then I can come by your house and get the bail money . " I didn 't get what he was saying . Why would he need the bail money once he was out of jail ? But I got to grow up with Matt pulling this kind of shit on my parents , too . I came to recognize it . He was always scheming . Once he decided that you were going to give him money for something , he considered that money his . Once it was his money in his mind , he then felt no qualms about telling you what to do with it . Now , this was the other thing I came to learn about Matt . He thought everyone in the family 's wallets should be open to him , but it seemed to offend him when you asked questions about his financial situation . He bristled at the question . But he answered it . " That 's what they said . " Matt shifted in his seat . He looked at me and winked , like this was just some bullshit he had to go through before he inevitably got his way . " That 's the deal . They get the dog and I 'm free and clear . " " No , " Grandpa said , so quietly both Matt and I looked at each other to check if we 'd heard correctly . " No . You got yourself into this mess . You get yourself out . " " Louise ! " Matt cried out . He wanted me to come take his side . I was frozen between them . I said nothing . When Matt realized Grandpa wasn 't going to change his mind , he shot up out of the chair and began to pace furiously back and forth . Finally , he reached in his back pocket and pulled out a white handkerchief . He shifted in his seat and wrestled in his front pocket . I expected he was getting something strange , but he came back with two old mercury dimes . He spread the handkerchief out in front of him on the table . Then , he tied a knot in the two corners closest to me . In the folds of each knot , he slid a dime . He whispered something to it . I couldn 't make out anything but " in the whole round world , there is only one " and then that handkerchief stood up . The corners where the knots were stretched out toward me like rudimentary hands and the other two corners folded just enough to make the thing some feet . It took a few steps toward me , turned and took a few steps toward the way Matt had gone . It bent forward , and , with a great leap , it flipped over backward and landed . " Can I touch it ? " I asked , but I wasn 't paying any attention to the answer . I reached toward it and it slid , deftly , out of my way . It strutted around the table and , when I put my hands flat on the table top , the handkerchief came over and reached down with its knotted hand and touched my finger . It felt ordinary . Like cotton against my skin . I looked for the trick , but I could find no wires , no mechanism that made the thing move like that . I couldn 't take my eyes off it . But just as I felt I was making a new friend , Grandpa snatched the handkerchief back . I probably slumped down in disappointment as he untied the hands . I know I didn 't realize until later why he was pressing the handkerchief to his face before we got up and left . " It 'd make my life easier if you could , " he said . " But no . I never heard of anyone in our family being able but the seventh sons . " " Your Uncle Matt is not on drugs , " my mom said , but I could hear in her voice that it was a lie . " He just has some problems . He 's sick and he needs our help . " The next day , my grandpa never left the house . He didn 't come out of his room until nearly lunch . He looked rough , like he 'd been drinking all night . When he put my peanut butter and jelly sandwich in front of me , he said , " Sometimes I pray that one of those girls I ran around on your grandma with got knocked up . That there 's another son out there , older than Matt , I don 't know about . That maybe your dad is my seventh . " My dad was furious that he said that to me . I liked that he talked to me like I was an adult , though . And what could my dad do ? The medical bills being what they were , he and Mom had to work . Someone had to look after me . Who else could do it ? Uncle Matt ? The next day , when Grandpa left , he said , as usual , " Don 't be snooping around , " and this time , I took it as an acknowledgement that there was something to find if I did look . For the first time in my life , I went into his bedroom . It wasn 't big . The double bed that sat on the far wall took up so much space that I had to turn sideways to get between it and the Walmart pressed - board bookshelves that sagged into broad grins under the weight of all his books . Next to the bed , he had a record player and a few , very few records - Willie Dixon and Johnny Rivers are the ones I remember . On the other side , there was a huge old chest of drawers , but the bed was so close to them , I couldn 't get the bottom drawers open very far . Only enough to see that they were full of clothes . In the top drawers , though , I found a couple of things that seemed important . One was a picture of my grandfather as a young man , not much older than me , maybe early high school , with his six older brothers - at least that 's what it said on the back . I never met any of them . " I imagine your folks and you will be gone before long , too , " he said , but it took them a long time to get the money . My accident set them back , the town took a downturn , and then they spent a while being the ones Matt hit up or stole from . But , yeah , eventually , we left , too . Anyway , the photo . All of them were smiling except my grandpa . He had a huge black eye and he was holding his arm like it hurt . He glared out of the picture . Maybe if I saw that picture now , I 'd understand something different about it . Maybe there was some indication that his brothers were concerned for him . But I remember being so pissed at them . Could they not see that something bad had happened to him ? Was there nobody to look out for him ? He seemed so alone . The other thing I found was a small black book . I don 't know where I got the idea that it ought to hold all of the names of Grandpa 's girlfriends , but that was the kind of book it was . The leather binding was cracked and the spine was broken . A piece of butcher string kept the whole thing together . I opened it up and I didn 't recognize the handwriting . My only guess is that it must have been my great - grandfather 's based on the content . It was full of observations of the weather and about which moons marked the best times for planting , Bible verses with notes on their uses next to them - " Ezekiel 16 : 6 will stop any bleeding " - and names of relatives in my family going back eight generations with comments about them . Josiah Jones , my great - great grandfather , was marked " useless and unreliable . " Uncles , at various remove , sometimes shared the same description . It seemed to be a family trait , passed down for generations , even more common than all the seventh sons . There were a lot of seventh sons . By my count , twelve . And the rest of the Jones men seemed to have tried their damnedest to have that many - a lot of families had five or six sons . I remember flipping through those pages , and how itchy my cast was while I was reading , how it hurt pressing into my thighs when I leaned forward , how hot it was . And then I remember how an ice - cold chill ran through me as I realized I was the first girl in the family . Whoever had written in the little black book knew of none and I knew of none . I hadn 't met all my cousins , but the ones I had met were all boys . No one ever mentioned there being another Jones girl . Young girls daydream about being special , about how , one day , her real parents , who are kings and queens or astronauts or at least rich enough to buy her clothes anywhere other than Walmart , will show up and take her away , or about how she 's destined to save the world . I knew I was not special . Life had made that pretty clear . But I was one of a kind . That must be worth something . " Stand up , " I said to the linen heap now on the dresser . And it did . That handkerchief stood up just like the one at the jail had . I wasn 't even surprised . I was only disappointed that I hadn 't seen my grandpa doing other tricks , so I didn 't know anything else to try to do . Just then , I heard someone trying to open the front door . I knew it wasn 't my grandpa . I would have heard the truck and the only neighbor close enough to walk over never did because she was afraid of the dog . My parent were both at work and , anyway , they would have called to make sure Grandpa and I were home before coming clear out here . The bedroom was on the wrong side of the house to sneak a look out the window . But I knew something was wrong . I don 't know why I did it , but I slipped the black book down the front of my cast . I stood up and felt satisfied it was wedged in there firmly . I was just about to leave the bedroom when I turned back and grabbed the photo of Grandpa and his brothers . I shoved it down my cast , too , and then straightened up my shirt . I darted into the bathroom just as Uncle Matt was coming in the front door . " Louise ? " He said it so quiet that I almost didn 't hear him . I came out of the bathroom and was about to ask " What ? " when he hushed me and dragged me into the other bedroom . " Louise , " he whispered . " You get into the closet and hide under some blankets and you don 't come out until I tell you . " He was plainly terrified . " No , " Uncle Matt said . " Yeah , I think it 's too emotional for him , giving up that dog . He probably went to grab a beer . " " No he 's not ! " I said to Matt , but quietly , because I was afraid . He was making me afraid . Matt glared at me , but walked out of the room . I 've thought about this next part a long , long time . I 've wondered if there was ever some time when Grandpa kept the dog tied up in the back yard , maybe when Uncle Matt was a kid , and that 's why he thought the dog would just be there whenever he showed up ? But my dad says , no , the dog always roamed free and mostly only showed up in the back yard when he heard Grandpa 's truck . That was his signal to make himself available for food . I was about asleep when I heard Uncle Matt screaming . I jumped up and ran out of the closet . My legs were tingling and I had to use the hallway walls to support myself , but I rushed to the back of the house . Out the window , I could see that one , huge police officer kneeling over my uncle , beating him to a pulp . If Matt had tried to fight back , that strategy had failed him before I got to the porch . He was whimpering and crying , but making no efforts to even protect himself . The words " Stop or I 'll call the police " were out of my mouth before I could catch them . Here was the police , the only one on duty . Bill Evans , a man I had known my whole life , looked up at me and I swear , he was sorry . Not sorry he was trying to kill my uncle , but sorry that I had witnessed it . " Oh shit , " I said , next . I turned and ran back into the house . I locked the back door and then hurried to the front . I thought about trying to run for the neighbor 's , but I wasn 't very fast , especially not for long distances . I locked the front door . Then , I went into the bathroom , locked that door , and climbed into the tub . It was all I could think to do - this was an emergency so I treated it like a tornado . I could hear him pounding on the back door . He was yelling my name , yelling how he wasn 't going to hurt me . That was the last thing he said before he broke the glass out of the door and let himself in . He shook the whole house as he stomped through it . He only pounded on the bathroom door three times . I was shaking , I was so afraid . And , I don 't know why , but I thought of my grandpa the day I broke my back , him lumbering across the schoolyard with that half - dead squirrel . " Make me lucky , motherfucker , " I said , being at a loss for all other words . Officer Evans kicked the door . But it wasn 't solid . It was just one of those cheap old hollow pressboard doors . The handle and the hinges were the most firm thing about it . His foot went right through the plywood almost to his knee . He tried to pull it back out , but the door had broken in toward me . Pulling his foot back out caught his sock and shoe in the plywood splinters . He lost his balance and I heard a crack that made me feel nauseous . His foot was still on my side of the door , but it hanged in an unnatural way . I wasn 't sure what to do next . I could hear Bill moaning . And then , thanks to whatever god answers a prayer that goes ' make me lucky , motherfucker , ' I heard him call dispatch on his radio and ask for an ambulance . " I don 't want to hear it , " Grandpa said . Then he said , " Bill , I 'm going to make this simple for you . From here on out , whatever you do to my people is going to get done to yours . " " This what you want for your granddaughter when you have one ? " Grandpa asked him . " To hear you gunned down in your own home ? You got no mercy for my family , have some for yours . " The house was quiet enough that I could hear Bill holster his gun . Of course , everyone has to test a curse . That 's one of the first things you come to learn about human nature once you can curse . So , after the ambulance dropped Bill off at the hospital and they came back for Matt , we were both herded into the back to accompany him , even though Grandpa told the paramedics that Matt could " fuck himself . " Later , Grandpa and I stood in front of the ruins of his house . I cried to see the place I 'd spent so much time reduced to char and stink . Grandpa stood motionless , his hands hanging at his side . I reached for one , held it as tight as I could . He did not grasp back . I looked up at his face and I shuddered , without even meaning to . He looked so alone , like he might not have even known I was still by his side . I wanted him to be angry , to burn the whole rest of the town down around us , just by wishing and making it so . Seeing him sad was unbearable . How much is a person supposed to just take , before he breaks ? I didn 't know the whole story of my grandpa 's life , but I knew , as powerful , as spooky , as everyone thought he was , forces beyond his control had left him without a home . I wanted to make it better . To make it right . " I did snoop today . " I reached down the front of my shirt , into my cast , and pulled out the book and the picture . He took the picture from me and gave it a little shake , like he was making sure it was real . He nodded , which I believe was the closest he could come to saying thanks . I stood in the front yard , staring at the neighbor 's house , thinking about the daytime cop and my uncle and the couch and the day I saw my grandpa , sitting on his porch , laughing at that dog . The one time I ever saw him anything even remotely like happy . I was pissed again for him . Fuck this place . Fuck these people . Fuck a son that never stops taking so much from his father . Fuck a hard world that makes men into this . Fuck having so little and losing it so easily . Oooo . Spooky ! 6 thoughts on " 5th Spooky Saturday - Happy Halloween ! " SuperGenius says : October 31 , 2015 at 6 : 30 pm All of these have been so good but this one is just perfect ! That last line is like your Halloween drop the mic moment . : ) Actually , this is one of my favorite things that you 've written , Halloween or not . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :

After being orphaned , high school student Josie Barton only has one person she can turn to when things get rough - a mysterious legal guardian who calls himself her Benefactor . " Ben " takes care of everything for her . He pays her bills , provides food , clothes , and even a cell phone . But there is one thing Ben doesn 't know : Josie Barton sees scary imaginary creatures everywhere she goes . Even her apartment is being haunted by an invisible monster ! And just when Josie thinks things couldn 't get any worse . . . she meets the guy from across the hall . Zeph Clemmont is a man of many faces . He 's a changeling with enemies in all the worst places , fighting to undo a magical curse that could end his life . He loves a good argument and has incredible magical power , but he may have met his match in Josie . So far , she 's the only one who seems able to rein in his childish tantrums and magical explosions . Zeph will have to swallow his pride and finally let go of all his dark secrets if he really wants to break his curse . And with Josie at his side , he might actually stand a chance this time . Nicole enjoys hiking , camping , shopping , cooking , and spending time with her family and friends . She also loves watching children 's movies and collecting books . She lives at home with her husband , two cats , and dog . At first he was glad for the darkness , because it meant they would be firing the beacon in the lighthouse at the point . He leaned on his saddle - horns , craning his neck to look down the narrow cross streets , trying to catch a glimpse of the great light burning in the distance . By means of the lighthouse he could reorient himself . But the cross streets twisted away into deep shadow between the tenement blocks , and there was the irksome thought at the back of his mind that if they had wandered so far into the city as not see the lighthouse , then they had wandered so far as to be where Imperial control was more a matter of theory than practice - at least at night . Earlier , when the young summer sun was glaring white in a blue - glaze sky and the air under the awnings still and close and hot enough one could feel one 's skin baking in it - the tenements shut out the harbor breeze - the streets had seethed with people : sellers of figs and dates and pomegranates and honeyed almonds and goats ' milk and flavored ices and sour wine ; and potters and silversmiths and leatherworkers and basket - weavers at their shopfronts ; and housewives browsing the market stalls ; and slave girls with water in sloshing panniers over their shoulders ; and naked children playing sticks - andhoops along the foot - stones ; and now and then a mounted official in white linen , shouting and swearing until the crowd shuffled aside to let him pass . Now in darkness they were alone in the street . It was as though the rest of the city had died with the sun . The air was dry and rapidly cooling , heavy with silence like a bated breath . He would not mind the darkness if not for the silence . In a city such silence was unnatural . " Do you suppose they 'll look for us ? " Alluin said . " Or just wait until our bodies turn up in an alley in a week or so ? " It had been his idea to explore the city . Alluin was city - born and indifferent - all cities were the same when you got down to it ; there came a point when unwashed bodies and stray dogs and bad wine in dirty shops ceased to be as interesting as bed . But he , Torien , still had 3 Blood Road a provincial awe of big cities - an itching , impatient need to see and hear and know . He had been determined not to idle away his time in Modigne behind the fort walls . True that he and Alluin had no more than a smattering of bastardized Modigno between them , and that Modigne was a rabbit 's warren of nameless , ancient streets , built and overbuilt in incongruous layers - in daylight that had seemed far less important than it did now . In daylight it had been enough to know he was an officer of the Imperial army , and a Vareno nobleman , with sufficient coin on his person for any foreseeable difficulty and a sword at his hip in the event his coin should fail . It was remarkable how in darkness one saw things more clearly . There was a rustle on the rooftop above . Out of the corner of his eye , he saw a darker shadow take shape against the darkness . He recognized the glint of metal in time to jerk around in his saddle , hauling on the reins as he turned . He took the blade in the back of his left shoulder rather than in his throat . He had braced for it and did not slip from the saddle , though for a moment he thought he might : his knees , pressed against the horse 's ribs , went as weak as water . He lost the reins from his left hand . Above him , he heard very clearly the patter of footsteps as the knifeman fled across the rooftop for the nearest ladder . Just as clearly , he heard the thin cry and the muffled thump as the knifeman lost his footing on the ladder and fell back to the roof . Torien brushed away Alluin 's hand and propped his right shoulder against the wall . He nodded to the hut . " Bring him , " he said - calmly , though his heart was pounding . " That fall won 't have killed him . " In truth , his knees were still trembling , and he was speaking through clenched teeth because he knew if he unclenched them they would chatter . There was blood seeping through his tunic and jerkin , and he was conscious , as he hadn 't been at first , of the knife blade sunk to its hilt just beyond the cuff of his shoulder . His body was revolting against the thought , sickness threatening in the pit of his stomach . Lamplight blossomed inside the hut . Low voices filtered out through the reed curtain in the doorway . Torien dipped his chin again , with effort . Alluin swore and swung from his saddle and drew his sword . He pushed into the hut through the curtain , and Torien heard him issuing orders in a clumsy hybrid of Modigno and Vareno - heard the crash of pottery breaking , the scrape of wood dragging across stone , a child 's whimper . A moment later , Alluin 's head and shoulders and sword hand emerged above him from inside the hut . Alluin pushed himself up on his hands from the opening , landing lightly on his feet on the roof . Picking up his sword , he vanished beyond the roof edge . Torien leaned carefully back against the wall . He glanced down the street . There were no other doorways lit , no other sound than the clatter of Alluin 's hobnailed boots on the rooftop above . In Choiro , there would have been a crowd by now . Modigne lay as still and silent as a plague city . Alluin reappeared at the roof edge . He had sheathed his sword . He was handling the knifeman along by the shoulders - no , not a man , Torien thought , certainly a boy : he came barely to Alluin 's chest . His arms and legs , silhouetted black against the sky , were thin , stick - like things around which his tunic fluttered shapelessly . Torien pushed up from the wall and gathered himself together and dismounted . The ground was springy under his feet . He wavered for a moment as his heels touched , swallowing back the sickness . There was a ringing in his ears . He blinked in the sudden brightness of lamplight as Alluin flung aside the curtain in the doorway and shoved the boy before him out into the street . Behind him the hut 's occupants - a man and a woman and an assortment of half - dressed children - gathered silently in the doorway to watch . The boy had stumbled and fallen in a heap of skinny limbs and wool rags . He caught himself on his palms . He adjusted the cap on his head and sat back awkwardly , keeping his knobby legs to the side . In the dim light , Torien could see enough to know the left ankle was broken . There was blood dribbling from the boy 's nose , and he was sucking breath low and softly through his teeth . His eyes darted over Torien 's face , lingering for a moment at Torien 's shoulder . He looked quickly to the ground . He was , Torien judged , eleven or perhaps twelve - not yet old enough to face execution for an assault upon an Imperial soldier . He would go to a slaver 's block instead . There would be an examination to determine the guilt of his family . He caught Alluin 's eye and jerked his chin to the sullen family in the doorway . " Wine if they have it . Water otherwise - and something passable for bandage cloth . " The pain had started , and he was leaning into his horse 's shoulder for balance . The woman in the doorway said something in Modigno . He recognized the word for wine . He said , " What did she say ? " Alluin 's Modigno was bad , but better than his own . Alluin stood at his shoulder and unbuckled his cuirass while the woman went into the hut . " Do you want to do this inside ? " he said . His voice was quiet . " Not until I know he acted alone . " Torien nodded to the boy , who had sat motionless all this while , studying the ground as though he were reading something written there . " You . You speak Vareno ? " The boy looked up incuriously into Torien 's face . He had determined not to speak : Torien could see as much from the set of his mouth , the hollowness of his eyes . His thin brown hands were clenched to fists on his lap . The girl flung up her head suddenly to spit at the man 's feet . The man seemed embarrassed . He hunched his shoulders and looked at his hands . The woman came out from the hut with a water jug and a cloth . She held them out to Alluin at arm 's length , making a quick , nervous gesture with her hands . Alluin shook his head . " Hold them . Quedas - hold them , you understand ? " He jerked the knife from Torien 's shoulder . Torien folded to his knees . The street swam around him . He heard Alluin 's voice as though it were carrying to him underwater . He shook his head . Alluin was prying the cuirass from his shoulder and tugging the jerkin down his arm . The night air through his blood - soaked tunic was sharp and cold ; he shivered . The girl 's eyes were on him . She was watching with the same flat - eyed incuriosity . There was blood trickling over her lips from her nose , but she made no move to wipe it away . The Modigno walked ahead , self - consciously , shoulders still hunched in embarrassment . Alluin followed on foot , leading his horse by the reins . The girl huddled in his saddle with her hands outstretched to the horns , her face buried in the horse 's mane , her bare legs dangling limp against the horse 's belly . Torien rode at the rear . The street , which turned this way and that through the honeycombed huts , ran steadily downhill all the while , and he knew they must be close to the water because there was a stiff salt breeze rising to his face . It cut through his soaked tunic like a knife . His fingers were numb on the reins . He had knotted them in the horse 's mane to keep himself upright in the saddle . " Tell him the girl 's our concern . " Torien dismounted , cradling his left arm against his stomach . He was too tired for anger . Anyway , it was pointless to threaten reprisals : they would not find him again if they tried . He fumbled at his belt and withdrew a bronze from his wallet . He flicked the coin in the Modigno 's direction . " Bayas - go . " The Modigno dropped to his heels to dig out the coin from the mud . He made a mockery of a bow as he straightened : it had occurred to him that they had been essentially at his mercy . His shoulders were straight as he walked away back up the street . Alluin pulled the girl down from his saddle by the waist and held her before him , as easily as though she were made of straw . " I 'll have a look around . The harbor can 't be far . " " I don 't like the idea of splitting up . It won 't do my shoulder any good if you end up in the harbor with your throat cut . And I couldn 't drag myself back into a saddle right now if I wanted to . " Alluin was silent , studying him . He had the girl 's shoulder in one hand , his reins in the other . He let go the girl 's shoulder , reluctantly . " Adienta - inside , " he said . And to Torien : " I 'll see to the horses . " Weak moonlight filtered through the roof of the shanty , which was nothing more than a reed lattice tied down with leather strips . The girl sat down against the left - hand wall , stretching her bad leg straight before her . She watched silently and unmoving while Torien crouched on his heels at the fire pit and searched one - handed through the ashes for salvageable tinder . By the time he had built up a decent pile , and had found flint and iron to strike a light , Alluin had ducked in from the street with a saddle on each arm . Torien unbuckled his helmet and leaned his head back against the wall . He sat with the helmet on his lap , his eyes closed . Beyond the crackling of the fire and the rattling of the lattice in the salt breeze , the silence stretched vast and hostile . " If you speak , " he said , " it goes better for you . " He opened his eyes and looked at the girl across the fire pit . In the firelight , he could see the details of her bony bronze face . She was older than he had thought at first - older than he 'd thought when he 'd thought her a boy . It was possible she was fifteen . The smallness of her limbs and the sunkenness of her cheeks made it hard to tell . She was looking into the flame in silence , her eyes halfclosed , her face magnificently blank , but he knew she had heard and had taken his general meaning by the way her shoulders tightened against the wa The girl jerked her chin , suddenly . " No others , " she said . " I understand what you say . " Her eyes came up to his . Her voice was low but hard . " I do it alone . No family . The cobarte he lies when he brings you . No family . He says it because he wants your coin . " " Possibly you 'll go to the slavers . Possibly they 'll decide you 're old enough to face execution . My word means a great deal , either way . " He glanced over to Alluin , who shrugged very slightly against the wall . Torien could sense his discomfort in his silence . He looked back at the girl . " Speak now and I 'll listen , " he said . " Come tomorrow in the city prison , it 'll be too late . " He did not sleep . He lay against his saddle , carefully still on account of the shoulder , watching the sky through the cracks in the lattice and waiting for sleep to come , but his mind was moving on and on through the streets of Modigne , and in the silence he was restless . At length , he got up . The fire had died to embers . Across the room , the girl was huddled shapeless in the darkness . He could not tell if she was asleep . He went over to the doorway , where Alluin sat cross - legged against the corner post . " You sleep , " he said . " I can 't . " Torien sat with his back against the post , his sword unsheathed across his lap . Through the gap between the post and the curtain , he could see the horses and the moonlit street beyond . He watched a cat come noiselessly down the street . It saw him as it approached the shanty , and it paused and watched him and went on again when it decided he was no threat . Behind him , in the shanty , Alluin was breathing long and steadily in his sleep . It was perhaps midnight or a little past . He heard a noise like a muffled laugh or a cough , and he started , fingers seizing instinctively on his sword grip . At his movement , the noise stopped . Across the room , the girl was struggling to hold herself still against the wall . Her shoulders shook with trapped sobs . He pulled himself up to his feet , supporting himself on the sword . He crossed the room to her . She heard him approaching and drew herself stiffly up , but she did not raise her head . He knelt beside her . In the moonlight through the lattice , he could see the tear streaks on her cheeks . Leaning on the sword , he said , quietly , " Tell me why you did it . " " I know your justice . " She lifted her face to his , finally . Her voice was thick with anger and tears . " I know what you mean when you say justice . You take Mahlan when he does nothing wrong . I know what you mean by justice . " The curtain rustled in a draft of cold salt breeze . Torien was on his feet and spinning to the doorway in one motion , his sword ready in his hand . Behind him , Alluin sat bolt upright , flinging aside his cloak . He drew his sword and scrambled up , his back to the wall . The figure in the doorway stood frozen at Torien 's sword point . For a moment , there was silence in the shanty . Then Torien jerked his chin over his shoulder and said , " Sit - slowly . Linta . " Alluin dropped to his knees at the fire pit . There was another stretch of silence while he coaxed a flame from the spent tinder . In the moonlight , Torien could see the newcomer 's arms tight around the girl 's shoulders , head bowed against the girl 's head . He lowered his sword . After a moment 's consideration , he sheathed it . He turned on his heel and went to the curtain and looked out into the street . It lay empty and silent as before . The horses stood tethered at the post . He drew the curtain shut . There was a tightness in him that had nothing to do with the wound . " Use this . " With one booted foot , Torien prodded the bundle of sticks that the newcomer had let drop in the doorway . The girl watched him over the newcomer 's shoulder . Her face was set as hard as stone , but he saw the flicker of fear in her eyes . He crouched on his heels , facing her , the fire pit at his back . " No family ? So it 's not only Vareni who lie . " The girl said nothing . The newcomer straightened slowly against the wall and looked at him . He saw the girl 's face in near - exact duplicate , but duplicated as it would be in twenty years ' time : bronze skin prematurely lined , lips cracked by the sun , dark eyes sunken with hunger and hardship and grief . There was neither fear nor defiance in the woman 's face , but rather a resignation which shook him . " I give you what you want . Do not ask it of the girl . " She said nothing . Her fingers were tight around the girl 's arms . They were bony fingers , bent and blunted from work , the knuckles swollen , the nails split . The backs of her brown hands were traced over with lines like dry leather . He did not know the word . He darted a glance to Alluin , who was sitting and watching from the other side of the fire pit . " One of the crime lords , " Alluin said , quietly . He supposed in her mind and in the girl 's the Imperial governing authorities were partially culpable in that they had not stopped it ; and he supposed he had made more accessible a target than the jente for the girl 's retribution . It was a stupid reason to be knifed in the street , and a stupider reason to be executed . He was irritated . " You should have gone to the governor . He might have explained to you the difference between justice and vengeance before the girl need hang for it . " " I go to your courts . " The woman flung up her head . " I am a citizen . My daughter she is a citizen . My son he is a citizen . I go to your courts for justice . They say to me I have no case , and they tell me if I am not silent then they will silence me . Always it is the same . Always you pretend you do not see , because the jente he pays you not to see . I know what is justice and what is not justice . What you hang my daughter for it is not justice , and you know this too . " " How many others besides your son ? " There was a moment 's silence . He could sense Alluin frozen behind him across the fire pit . He said , " You say always like it 's common practice . How many others ? " The woman drew up a little . Her eyes were flat , her mouth tight . She thought he was mocking her . " There are hundreds the jente take . You know - " " I know nothing . I 've been two days in Modigne , and despite the fact I just took a knife in my shoulder , I hope to be shipboard and gone tomorrow . " He kneaded his temples with his fingertips . " So the jente takes them - why ? As slaves ? " Anger flashed across the sun - cracked face . " I say because I know . We tell him what happens . We tell him the jente he takes us to be slaves in the mines . We ask his protection . ' We are citizens , ' we say . ' Help us against the jente . ' But the ones who speak out he gives their name to the jente , and the jente he kills them or he takes them to the ships . I have seen this . The jente he kills us in the street , and your governor and your courts and your garrison they do nothing . " " Every ship coming into or going out from an Imperial port is inspected - slave ships more closely than the rest . Every manifest is reviewed , every cargo taxed . So many kidnapped citizens would hardly escape notice . It would take more than the governor turning a blind eye . At the least , it would mean the city guard , and the harbor master and his agents , and the harbor master at Tasso , and every level of the administration at the mines . This jente can 't have bought them all . " " The city guard always they belong to the jentes , " the woman said . " Anyway , the jente he doesn 't use the slave ships . I see it myself . In the night they put the slaves on trade ships - hundreds of slaves into hidden holds . In the day they fill the ships with jugs of wine , jugs of oil . That is what the harbor master sees . They put water in some of the jugs so it doesn 't show on the manifests that they carry water for the slaves . I don 't know about the mines . " Torien was silent . The girl was looking at him over the woman 's shoulder - unblinking , contemptuous , as though she were daring him to call it a lie . Alluin sat motionless behind him , waiting for him to speak , because in the end the decision was his alone , but he knew Alluin 's thoughts like his own , and he knew Alluin , too , was thinking of the empty streets outside the shanty and the silence like a bated breath - fear hanging over the city like a plague . He rocked back on his heels and got to his feet . The shanty spun as he stood . " This is what will happen . In the morning , I take ship for Tasso . You 'll go with me down to the harbor , and you 'll show me the jente 's ships , and I 'll investigate crew and cargo for myself . If I find nothing to convince me of this slaving business , then I 'll leave it for the governor 's court to decide your fate . Otherwise I 'll do what I can from Tasso to see this thing ended and those responsible made to pay for it - Modigno and Vareno alike . In any case , I swear to you I 'll see justice done . If you 've told me the truth , you 've nothing to fear by that . " The woman 's fingers were tight on the girl 's arms . " I tell you the truth , " she said . Her voice was low and hard , and in it he heard what she left unsaid : that she knew the value of Vareno oaths just as she knew the value of Vareno justice . The truth made no difference to whim . He ground out the fire under one boot heel . " I 'll take the watch , " he said to Alluin . It was perhaps four hours to dawn , and he knew he would not sleep . Stupid clock . That wasn 't even a real alarm sound . It was just an invented strange noise to annoy me . I checked the buttons on top . No alarm set and no radio . Maybe it was a dream ? Just to be sure , I gave the clock a good whack . Now it was nine o ' clock . I sat up and grabbed the clock with every intention of tossing it against the back wall . What a pleasure it would have been to see it smash into a million pieces . I win ! But , this clock was a birthday present from Uncle Artie . He 'd said it was " a special clock for a special kid . " I didn 't like being called " special " because that had a different meaning at school . But it was a cool clock . Since it was Thanksgiving , I was not at all surprised to see my mom up and in the kitchen . The turkey was on the counter in a large pan . Her arm was halfway up the turkey 's you - know - what . Not what I wanted to see this early in the morning , thank you very much . " We 'll need a few guest chairs from the basement when you get a chance . Nana and Papa are coming over , of course . Plus Grandma and Grandpa Boyce . And Uncle Artie too . " " Sure thing , Mom . " I was barely awake and she was already asking me to do math . Nobody was coming over for quite a while , so I wouldn 't need the , let 's see , two - plus - two - plus - one chairs for several hours . I had tons of time . What better way to spend it than on the couch watching TV ? It would probably be the most fun I would have all day , with both sets of grandparents coming over . It was annoying enough that they had different titles : " Nana and Papa " on the Barnes side , " Grandma and Grandpa " on the Boyce side . Then there was Uncle Artie . He wasn 't really an uncle but that 's what we always called him . I 've also heard him called a " distant cousin , " whatever that means . He said his job as an " importer " took him around the world to some pretty exotic places such as Vienna and Timbuktu and South America . No matter what faraway land he went to , he almost always brought us back a clock . We had wooden clocks , metal clocks , cuckoo clocks , and some that were just too odd to describe . Mom would open a package from him and say , " Hey , look . It 's a clock . Imagine that . " Each clock came with a wonderful story , so my parents loved to get them for just that reason . Unfortunately , both of them hated having all those clocks , with their constant ticking and chiming , so we kept them stashed away in the spare room upstairs until Uncle Artie came to visit . And since he was on his way , I sat up , knowing what was coming next . In three … two … one . " CJ ! Your Uncle Artie 's coming over , so you 'll need to set the clocks out . " Mom could sure belt it out when she needed to . I knew the drill . I went to the spare room , pulled the special box out of the closet , and lugged it down the stairs . The crescent moon clock went in the living room , replacing a family portrait , which was fine with me since I looked like a dork in that picture , anyway . There was a special cuckoo clock for the bathroom that was pretty cool . The doors on the upper level opened at the top of the hour , revealing either a boy dancer or girl dancer . I set the correct time and adjusted the weights at the end of a long chain to keep the gears going . Six clocks later , I had completed the task , finishing it off in Dad 's basement shop with a clock made from a circular saw blade . Uncle Artie 's favorite saying was , " You can never have too many clocks . " On this Thanksgiving Day , it was certainly true , even though I was sure my parents would disagree . Not me . Although I never paid a lot of attention to the clocks , I felt something strange as I took each one from the box and hung it in its rightful spot . The crescent moon clock had two huge eyes , one on the crescent side and the other on the orange side that completed the circle . The eyes were painted on but I swear they followed me as I moved around the room . I double - checked the time on the cuckoo clock in the bathroom and admired the details in it . The entire clock was a house from a German village , with people dressed in lederhosen on the lower level . Lucky for me it was the top of the hour and the clock chimed , revealing the bird from a door at the top and children dancing in the two small doors just below it . Why hadn 't I noticed that before ? What awesome detail ! I completed the clock replacement task , storing the non - clock items in the same box and returning it to the spare bedroom . That practically wore me out , so it was back to the couch . The smell from the great stuff Mom was cooking drifted into the room , reminding me I hadn 't eaten yet . This wasn 't fair , but it was the second time she 'd asked . The third time would not be as charmed . On my way to the basement , I realized my early morning math was wrong . There were four chairs already in the dining room , so I only needed four more . I could easily get them all in one trip . I passed Dad 's shop right at 10 : 30 and the heard the blade clock begin to make noise . I turned on the shop light to get a good look and , sure enough , the blade was slowly turning . Clockwise , not surprisingly . Even stranger was that the numbers never moved as the blade turned . A few seconds later , it stopped and went back to normal . Another clock I had never paid much attention to was suddenly freaking out . I hurried back upstairs with two chairs on each arm . At 11 : 00 , things got even weirder . Dad was up by now , sitting in front of his computer , but that wasn 't the weird part . When the hour struck , the crescent moon clock made a strange clicking noise , and those crazy eyes began to wink at me . The painted - on lips between the four and eight went from a Mona Lisa smile to a full - blown grin . I wanted to say something to Mom or Dad , but who would believe me ? I went into the bathroom , and the boy and girl dancers in the German village twirled next to each other while the bird stayed home . This was quickly moving into " bizarre " territory . It didn 't help when my watch - another gift from Uncle Artie - started chiming a sound I had never heard before . I took it off and stuffed it in my pocket . Problem solved . I grabbed plates and set them out on the table . I took one plate and placed it on the TV tray next to the window . That 's where I would sit . The rule was : adults at the big table and kids somewhere else . Sometimes it was a card table when my cousins showed up . Since I was the only kid this year , I would have to settle for a TV tray . My mom 's cell phone rang , and she talked with the phone squeezed against her shoulder as she mixed something in a large bowl . She stopped mid - mix and put the bowl down . " I 'm sorry to hear that . " Her voice was all serious . She walked out of the room before I could hear any more of it . I returned to my table - setting duties , grabbing forks , knives , and napkins . The smell of turkey and all the fixings hit me hard as I placed the silverware around the table . Maybe all this work would be worth it . I took another whiff . Maybe . She looked up at me with moist eyes . " Uncle Artie is in the hospital and can 't make it for Thanksgiving . He hasn 't missed one since your dad and I have been married . " She dabbed her eyes with her apron . " Fortunately , it 's nothing serious and my parents are heading there right now , so they can 't make it until the weekend . I 'd better go tell your father . Looks like we 'll only need five plates at the table . " No Nana and Papa Barnes ? No Uncle Artie ? I truly hoped Uncle Artie was okay , but this was my big chance to sit at the head of the table , something I 've always wanted to do . The head chair was bigger and had arms , and it felt like a throne . Uncle Artie always got the honors while I was stuck with the TV tray under the window . I followed Mom out to the garage where Dad was cleaning out the van , getting it ready for our traditional late - afternoon drive . Dad didn 't seem too bummed to hear the news about Uncle Artie or his in - laws . He barely looked up as he polished the dashboard . " Yeah , well , sorry to hear about Uncle Artie . He 's never down for very long . " " I wish Uncle Artie was coming today , I really do . " I tried my best to act like I was crying . It must have worked because I felt my throat tightening . " His are some tough shoes to fill , but I bet he 'd want me to sit in his spot at the head of table . After all , he gave me this watch for my birthday last year . " I pulled it out of my pocket to show them . " And we have the same middle name and everything . " I , Carlton James Boyce , was merely guessing at his middle name , hoping neither of my parents knew the truth . " Please ? I think I 've earned it . " Manners ? Oh , please . Uncle Artie smoked a lot , drank a lot , and sometimes swore a lot . In spite of all that , he was my favorite relative . Over the years , besides the watches and clocks , he had given me several toy cars , baseball cards , stuffed animals , and even a five - dollar bill . These gifts were always " our little secret . " Plus , he told the greatest stories . Grandma and Grandpa Boyce arrived a little later , and each gave me a quick hug . It 's a terrible thing to say , and I know I 'm supposed to love my grandparents without question , but Mom 's parents - the " good ones " who actually liked me - weren 't coming . If Mom and Dad ever found out I felt that way , I 'd be grounded for a month - Dad 's typical punishment . Everything was ready just before two o ' clock , and I grabbed the spot at the head of the table , with Grandma and Grandpa to my right and Mom and Dad to my left . Everyone sat down except Grandpa . He placed his hands on the table and leaned toward my dad . The Hoffhalder was a large mantle clock that sat in the corner of the dining room on what mom called the buffet . The Hoffhalder had been in the family for decades , and Dad would only wind it on special occasions . Uncle Artie always had the honors when he came over . " Sure he can , " Grandma said . " Now , make Uncle Artie proud . " She gave me her patented don 't - screw - it - up look . " Sure thing . " I had seen it wound a thousand times . I took the key from the drawer of the small desk nearby , carefully opened the glass in front , and put the key in the keyhole near the number four . There was another near the number eight . I knew it wound clockwise on the right and counterclockwise on the left . I started winding . One turn . Two turns . Then it started to get tight , so I stopped . I placed the key in the left hole and began to turn in the other direction with my left hand . One turn . Two turns . It wasn 't getting any tighter . Three turns . That was odd ; it usually tightened up by now , but I figured it had just been a while . Four turns and still not tight . I switched to my right hand to finish it up . Five turns . Surely it would start to get tight . Then I heard a faint click , and the key wouldn 't move anymore . Uh - oh . I pulled the key out and put it back in the drawer . " Everything 's great . " I looked at my watch , and then spun the Hoffhalder 's minute hand around until the time was five minutes until two . After closing the glass , I gently moved the large pendulum at the bottom , and the Hoffhalder began to tick . Whew ! All was well . When the Hoffhalder chimed , it made a beautiful sound . In fact , it seemed to be the only clock sound my family liked . It was a perfect combination of bells and gears and springs working in harmony . We now had three minutes until it would chime on the hour , and everyone at the table waited patiently for the moment to arrive . As the last thirty seconds ticked off , Grandpa nudged Grandma . " Here it comes , " he said in a low voice . I looked around the table , and three sets of eyes were on me . Mom reached out and touched my hand . At least someone was on my side . I knew the details by heart , and it just made matters worse . " I 'll get it fixed , okay ? I have some money saved up . " Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :

That picture to the right is of my father , David L . Henderson . We lost him in 1987 , after a year - long battle with lung cancer . He was fifty when he died , about six months before his fifty - first birthday . They all lived in Eutaw , Alabama , which , at the time , had a population a bit larger than it has , now . Eutaw is a very small town . Probably no more than 2500 people at any given time , if I had to guess . I was raised there , as well . I 've heard many , many stories about my father as a young man , and hear more every time there 's a family gathering . Some of those include a memorable story of him and his next - oldest brother , Jesse James , destroying a not insignificant part of a neighboring farmer 's corn field , and being whipped with a razor strop when their father found out . Of him getting hit so hard while playing football in high school that he blacked out and didn 't remember playing the rest of the game , then nearly punched his father later that evening when he was awakened , because he still thought he was on the field . Of him and Jesse fighting pretty much continuously , only the way brothers separated by a year or so can . Of how he lost the hearing in his left ear completely thanks to an ear infection when he was about twelve years old . I am told that my mother went into labor the morning of April 9 , 1965 , and called my father to tell him . Daddy had several sisters ( not to mention sisters - in - law , aunts , cousins , neighbors , and extended family ) and a mother who had given birth during his lifetime to that point . He knew it wasn 't a quick thing . So ( again , I 'm told ) he wasn 't in a particular hurry to come home from whatever building site he was working that day . So it was that my mother walked by herself to the hospital ( it was across the road , not five miles uphill through snow ) and had me after about an hour of labor . Did my mother ever , ever let him forget this ? I 'll let you imagine the answer . Speaking of my birth , leading up to that occasion , there was some discussion of what my name should be . The very first thing that got vetoed was me being a Jr . or II . Daddy 's full name was David Lamb Henderson . " Lamb " was a family name . He didn 't want to saddle me with a name guaranteed to make me the target of every bully , ever . So my middle name is David , and I got ' Gary ' as a first name because my mother ( a teacher at the time ) had never had a student named Gary . ( Yes , really . ) Yes , I was spanked . With a belt , when he did it . And I pretty much deserved it every time it was done . We didn 't call it " child abuse " back then . We called it " teaching us not to ever do that again . " It worked . When I was about four years old , we moved from that busy street to a very quiet neighborhood with a huge yard . I remember visiting the site while Daddy and his crew built that house . My name is carved somewhere on a concrete slab in that house . Maybe the carport , maybe the basement . But it 's there . Daddy was a carpenter for as long as I knew him . He worked at Henderson Construction Company until I was a teenager . His boss until then was his uncle Wilson Henderson . Daddy had a small crew and they did it all : foundation , slab , frame , roof , finishing . He contracted out the plumbing and the electrical stuff , but the rest of it was all him and his crew . They worked insanely long days , and I seldom saw him when he wasn 't wearing khakis , usually dripping sweat . He and Uncle Wilson had a . . . disagreement when I was in my early teens and Daddy quit and formed his own company , David Henderson Construction Company . With the same crew , doing the same thing . But without Wilson as a boss . He wasn 't schooled as a carpenter , however . His college degree was in accounting . My mother has told me that soon after he graduated , he had a job offer from an accountant firm in Arkansas , in what amounted to a big city , as well as an offer from an architectural firm somewhere else , but for that , he would have to learn to fly . He turned them both down and went back home to Eutaw to start his family . Why ? Family was very important to Daddy . He was one of eight children . His parents were each one of at least that many . He grew up with dozens of cousins , second cousins , and third cousins . Uncles and aunts abounded . Most of them lived in Eutaw or in the area of the neighboring " big city " of Tuscaloosa . He wanted his future children to grow up in that . To know and appreciate that closeness . He was well - liked in the city . I know he worked on many , many houses in Eutaw and the surrounding communities . He either built them from the ground up or repaired them or expanded them . Or , occasionally , moved them from one location to another . Everyone knew him . I wasn 't " Gary " to anyone over the age of 30 . I was " David 's son . " ( Or " Charlie and Sue 's grandson by David . " ) Daddy was awesome at math . I remember going to him in high school for help with some math homework , and he showed me a shortcut to solve it . I did my homework and took it to school the next day . The math teacher asked me after class how I got the answers , because my " show your work " was , like , one line instead of a page for each problem . I showed her the shortcut Daddy had shown me , and she looked at for a long time , and then said , " Do me a favor and keep this to yourself . " I think maybe she wanted the class to learn to do it the right way , and not via shortcut . Or maybe she just didn 't know how she would teach it to the whole class . I saw him eyeball angles and saw wood for picture frames , and the pieces would fit perfectly . He calculated heights using shadows and the angle of the sun , demonstrating to me the practical uses of trigonometry . Whatever math ability I might have is entirely from his genes . ( Just ask my mother . ) He liked music and could whistle and sing very well , although not many people knew it . When we went to church , you had to be standing right next to him to hear his voice , which was always on key . When we were in the car , he 'd sometimes whistle , and he did it flawlessly . Not really surprising considering how musical his entire family is . One of his off - time passions was golf . Greene County ( of which Eutaw is the county seat ) has a golf course . It was a pretty simple course with no sand traps , and only one real hazard : a lake you had to cross for the 8th and 9th holes ( it only had 9 holes ; if you wanted to play 18 holes , you went around twice ) . He would play at every possible opportunity . And when he wasn 't playing golf , he was watching it on television . My mother and I tried to share in his passion for the game . We went with him and attempted to enjoy it . I had special clubs for someone my age . My mother had clubs her size , as well . But neither of us really had our hearts in the game . Eventually , he just went by himself to play with his golf buddies and we stayed home to pursue our own passions . I recall an incident that happened on the course 's driving range . All three of us were there , and my mother and I were practicing our swings while Daddy " supervised . " Some other people were also on the driving range , practicing . I heard one of them hit the ball and then heard a sharp SLAP sound just to my left . I turned , and Daddy had stuck out his hand and caught that other person 's golf ball just before it slammed into the side of my head . That would have hurt . I 'm glad he had the reflexes of a mongoose on that day . Another of his passions was gardening . Behind my grandmother 's house in Eutaw was probably an acre ( I 'm bad at estimating area , so it could be a lot more or a lot less ) of garden , which he kept tended beautifully . If he wasn 't working one someone 's house or golfing , he was probably over at his mother 's house tending the garden . Tomatoes , potatoes , okra , peas , beans , squash , cucumbers , strawberries , corn , watermelons . . . if you can eat it , he probably grew it at one time or another . Many was the time he 'd come home from the garden with a truckload ( this is not an exaggeration , but a statement of fact ) of fresh vegetables , which he would then leave scattered all over the kitchen counters . . . and then go play golf and leave my mother to deal with . But that 's a whole different story for another day . : ) ( It also contains bad words , the way my mother tells it . ) He also used to watch " pro wrestling , " knowing it was fake , but enjoying it nevertheless . He enjoyed football and boxing . I don 't remember him getting all that excited about baseball or basketball . But he also deferred to my mother when she wanted to watch something other than sports . I got my own little twelve - inch color TV for my room because he was tired of having to compete against cartoons and sitcoms and Mr . Rogers and Sesame Street to just watch a round of golf . Daddy also joined a group of local men who got together weekly to play dominoes . I think it was mostly an excuse for the men to go somewhere without their wives and kids and gossip . Oh , um . . . not " gossip , " because men would never call it do that . They 'd probably say " shoot the breeze . " Yes , that 's it . Shoot the breeze . Anyway , I went with him a time or two , but it was just way too loud and smokey in there for me to enjoy . I never knew quite what he got out of it , but it was something he enjoyed doing . I 'm sure there was absolutely no gambling involved , either . Nope . None . At . All . Poker is gambling . Dominoes is just , you know . . . a game . Of skill . With little bits of ceramic with pips on them , totally unlike cards or dice in every possible way . : ) He was an honest businessman who took pride in his work , and tried to give his clients the best . I was with him one day when he was tallying up the bill for a client , and after he added up the time for all the crew and the materials , it came out to an even amount . Something like $ 4000 . 00 . I saw him write down $ 4000 . 07 on the invoice . I asked him why he added the extra seven cents . " Because if they see an even dollar amount , it looks like I just estimated and put down a figure , and they 'll argue . But if it comes out a little above or below , they know it 's an exact amount and that I didn 't pull it out of thin air . " Just little stuff like that . One of my mother 's favorite stories about Daddy is when an elderly lady who lived across from the park in an old house with a white picket fence called him to do some work . He had done things for her since he was just a boy . He went and did whatever it was she needed . It took most of a Saturday morning . She paid him with a coconut cake . He didn 't argue with her ; he just took the cake home . He cleaned up scrupulously all during the day during jobs . I know because I worked ( very briefly ) for him one ( 1 ) summer and discovered that I was not cut out to be a carpenter . I was the designated cleaner upper . I 'd no sooner finish sweeping up all the sawdust than they 'd crank up the table saw again . As I said , I didn 't last long . Whether this disappointed him , I don 't know . I do know he didn 't pressure me into going into his business , whether that be accounting or carpentry . Maybe because he knew I wasn 't cut out for it , or maybe because he just wanted me to find my own way . I did , of course , play at being a carpenter when I was young . He would give me wood and nails and a hammer and let me just nail them all over . He let me saw scrap lumber . But he never let me near the table saw or anything dangerous . And he used our uncle Buck ( Morris Roebuck ) as an example of why : Buck was missing part of one finger , and I was told it was because of a table saw . That may or may not be true ; I 've never verified it . When the customer was himself - or more appropriately , my mother - he was even more attentive to little details . I remember leaving one morning to go to school . My mother would drop me off at school in Eutaw , then drive to a neighboring county to where she worked . After school , I 'd either stay with one of my classmates , whose mother kept an eye on several of us whose parents both worked , or my maternal grandparents , and she 'd pick me up there and we 'd both go home . When we got home , the entire downstairs had been utterly transformed . Daddy had taken down and moved a fireplace - brick by brick - across the room , putting it where a set of windows used to be . The wall between the dining and living rooms had come down , there were now doors where another set of windows had been , a window where those doors had been , and the whole thing had been carpeted . He didn 't mess around . Remember , this was in the space of one day . Daddy pretended that he didn 't care much for animals . My mother and I had always had pets . My mother would hug a hippo if it were homeless , and she 'd find a way to feed it and keep it warm in the winter . Even if it meant sleeping in the bed with her and Daddy . We had a parade of feral and half - feral cats and several dogs . One such dog was Troubles , a little half - Chihuahua mutt that ruled our house with an iron paw . Well , my mother , anyway . Daddy claimed to be basically put out by her . Until one day when my mother and I were about to come downstairs to head to work and school and we saw him talking to Troubles , who was limping . " Oh , what 's wrong with your ' itta foot , girl ? " he said , softly . He then bent down and took her injured paw in one hand and gently manipulated it . His cover was so blown . As far as I know , we never let him know we 'd seen it . Why shatter the image ? When I was about sixteen or so , he came home from the golf course one day and told my mother about an old hound dog mother who had nine puppies , and she was living at the golf course , scrounging scraps from people . My mother got a bag of Puppy Chow , blended it up with some water , and drove out to the golf course , and made sure that old mother and those puppies had something to eat . She fed them for several days , and then one of the puppies was killed by someone in a golf cart . My mother made her intentions clear : she was going to go get the remaining eight , who were old enough to be weaned . Daddy threatened to leave home if she did it . We all knew it was an empty threat . We had eight puppies for a while , until we were able to find homes for six of them ( the males ) and ended up keeping the two females . When Daddy was diagnosed with lung cancer in 1986 , we had a cat named Sinbad . He was kind of a cantankerous thing , but he loved my mother and didn 't have much to do with anyone else . By this time , I was living at the dorms at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa . But after Daddy had to start staying home all the time because the radiation therapy made him weak , Sinbad took up with him and they became fast buddies . Daddy would sit on the couch , his breathing labored , and Sinbad would curl up in his lap and make Daddy pet him for hours on end . He pretended not to love that cat , but he did . Daddy didn 't like to leave Eutaw . Home and family were , as I said earlier , very important . He 'd no more leave Eutaw than he 'd start missing it and want to go home . We did , nevertheless , leave Eutaw . Many times . We visited my mother 's extended family in Arkansas several times ; Gulf Shores , Alabama every summer for some fun at the beach ; Fort Walton Beach , Florida when I was a teenager ( along with another family who had two kids still in elementary school ) ; California ( we drove there and back , stopping many times along the way ) ; West Virginia ( to visit my maternal grandparents ) ; Columbus , Mississippi ( to visit my maternal grandparents ) ; all over Florida when I was four ; Monroeville , Alabama ( to visit my maternal grandparents ) . . . but coming home was always the part he enjoyed most , I believe . Eutaw was where his roots were , and it 's where he felt most comfortable . He had a weird superpower that I 've only seen manifest in a couple of other people . No matter where we went , we would run into people that he knew . One memorable time , we had driven to West Virginia and were spending the day at Busch Gardens in Ohio , and we actually ran into someone not only from Eutaw , but with whom Daddy went to high school in the 50s . Bizarre . Another anecdote I never experienced , but which I 've heard told , is that when he was a boy , living at home with his family , they were all avid church - goers . The way I heard it phrased was , " Every time the doors opened , we had to be there . " It 's not that he didn 't believe the same things his family did , he just didn 't think going to church all those times a week and getting dolled up in go - to - meetin ' clothes were for him . And he didn 't want to subject me to that because it rankled him so much when it was him . So although we went almost every Sunday morning ( but not on Sunday night or Wednesdays ) , after a certain age , I was not forced to do so . When it was clear that I was not interested in the least , I was allowed to quietly stop going . He was a good cook , as well . His father - Paw - Paw - had a recipe that he probably inherited from his father , and so on . It was Brunswick stew . After Paw - Paw died in 1971 , his children inherited the recipe , and each came up with his or her own version . Daddy 's was so good . He 'd cook it all day in a huge pot on the stove , adding stuff , stirring , tasting it , adding more stuff , until it was just right . We 'd eat on it for several days . He also made wonderful cornbread , steaks , and apple sauce . Those sound odd when put together like that , but those are what I remember him doing really well . I 'm sure there were other things , but mostly my mother cooked unless it was the grill or the stew . He taught me how to clean a fish , although I never had ( or wanted ) to actually do it . We went fishing a lot when I was little , although not so much as I got older ( fishing is boring ) . It used to frustrate him to no end when I 'd goof around , scaring away any fish brave enough to approach our boat , clearly not caring whether I caught anything , and fish would ( literally , in one case ) jump out of the water to try to catch my lure . My mother caught a nice eight - pound bass that he had mounted . It hung in a place of honor in the house until after his death . When I was growing up , no one cursed around me . I 'm not sure whose idea it was , but everyone pretty much kept their language clean around me . I was probably twelve before I heard anyone say anything worse than ' damn . ' But I do clearly remember one night when I witnessed Daddy lose his temper big - time . Now , understand that Daddy was a gentle man with an even temper . He lost his temper a few times in my presence , and it was usually over something I did , and hindsight being 20 / 20 , I deserved the anger . : ) But this was something above and beyond that . I went to a private school , as I said earlier . Very small , about 150 kids from Kindergarten through twelfth grade . To keep financially solvent , the teachers weren 't paid all that well , and the school sponsored a lot of things like bake sales . One particular summer , they had a barbecue sale . But rather than offer BBQ pork butts for sale , the school chose instead to send out mail to all the parents that said , essentially , " We 're cooking two butts for you . You will pay us for them , and you will pick them up on July 4th . " Daddy . Was . Pissed . And the more he thought about it , the worse he got . But my mother said , " David , just leave it . " And as far as she knew , he did . Later that night , after they had gone to bed , I was in the living room watching TV when Daddy marched through the room in his underwear , thin - lipped . He went into his office and closed the door . This was probably 10 : 30 pm . Being a teenager , I eavesdropped outside the door to his office and heard him calling the parent who had organized the BBQ , and whose name was on the memo that went out . I had never heard some of those words , before , and I was probably thirteen or fourteen . I certainly had never heard Daddy use them . Needless to say , Mr . Pork Butt knew that not everyone was just thrilled to death about being told we had to pay for something we didn 't order . Sometimes , he saved her from herself , as well . Although my mother was employed in a different county by the public school system , I attended a private school with a high tuition . The idea was that I would get a better education . I don 't know if I did or not , but she certainly caught flack for the decision . Toward the end of my time in school , it just wore on her to have to pay the tuition each month . I remember her writing out the last check , and taking great glee in writing . . . let 's just say , " some unkind things " on the check . In the " For " field . In the " To " field . All over the face of the check . She put it in the envelope and sealed it . All of my father 's surviving siblings ( there are four ) have told me that of all of them , he was the most gentle . Some of them are stern , boisterous , charming , outgoing , and maybe more than a little crazy ( but absolutely in a good way ) . Daddy was even - tempered , quiet , respectful , probably a little introverted , and dependable . When Meme ( his mother ) had problems at her house , he 'd fix them at no charge to her . When she needed , say , a new lawn mower because her old one was no longer fixable , he 'd let the rest of the siblings know that it would cost whatever amount , and then he 'd pay whatever wasn 't covered by their donations . ( I 'm not saying this to be a jerk ; people have their own financial situations to deal with and he was well aware of that . He was also golf buddies with the guy who owned the store that sold the mowers and repaired them . ) I certainly didn 't want for anything growing up . Looking back on it , I was probably one of the luckiest kids in my class . I got tons of books , toys , a go - kart , my own TV at age six , comic books , a horse ( briefly ) , etc . When I wanted a tree house , he didn 't build me a tree house , because the trees weren 't suitable ( and it was dangerous ) . Instead , he put up four creosote poles in the back yard , built a very stable , sturdy platform up there ( ten to twelve feet high ) , and constructed a small play house atop that platform . My friends and I called it The Pole House . The only reason it didn 't have running water and lights is that we weren 't zoned for it . Both of my parents had new cars every few years , and once I started driving , I had my own car , too . Always my mother 's cast - off , but still , it was my own car . He paid for my gas and kept them maintained and in good working condition . Usually on Saturday mornings while I was sound asleep . He always rose at the crack of dawn . I always rose at the crack of noon . Daddy taught me to drive one afternoon when I was 15 . I didn 't even know what we were doing . He just said , " Let 's go for a drive , " and off we went . We drove a couple of miles over to a quiet street behind Meme 's house , where he parked the car , got out , and said , " Okay , your turn . " I don 't remember the process , but apparently , it took . : ) I broke my arm pretty much the first week of second grade . It may even have been the first day . I fell off the monkey bars and landed on my left wrist . I felt the radius snap . I started screaming , and the principal called my parents . Since my mother was in another county and couldn 't get there in time to do any good , he located my father ( I probably told him whose house he was working on that day ) . Meanwhile , he asked me which doctor I went to ( there were only two in Eutaw ) . I picked the doctor who wasn 't my actual doctor , because I didn 't much like Dr . Bethany at the time . So I said , " Dr . Staggers ! " By the time Dr . Staggers saw me , Daddy had arrived , and for some reason I still don 't quite understand , instead of taking me to the hospital literally a hundred yards from Dr . Staggers ' office , we were sent to the emergency room in Tuscaloosa , 35 miles away . Daddy drove me . I was in the back seat , lying with my arm on a pillow , sobbing in pain . " Go faster ! " I 'd shout . But when he did , the car would hit those rhythmic bumps and each bump hurt , so I 'd shout " Slow down ! " Speaking of patience . . . you know how they say patience is a virtue ? I 'm thinking that with Daddy , it was almost an art form . He broke his toe when I was very little . Like four . I believe it broke when someone drove a pickup truck over his foot , but I could be misremembering that . Anyway , there 's not a lot you can do for a broken toe other than just keep off it and keep it elevated . So he would sit on the couch with his foot propped up on the coffee table , and I , being me , would grab his big toe in one hand and the neighboring toe in the other . . . and spread them apart . When I was a little older , he and I spent a lot of time together because my mother was attending school at night to earn her second Master 's degree . Daddy drove us up , dropped her off , and then he and I found things to do in Tuscaloosa while she was in class , then picked her up afterwards and went home . I probably slept on the way home . We ate at various places ( including at least one place I 'm fairly sure was a dive bar , but they had TV and served me Shirley Temples while he had a beer ) and went , eventually , to every store in the entire city . At which I , more often than not , I 'm sure , wheedled him into buying me a toy . Growing up , my father was fairly athletic . He played high school sports and all that kind of thing . Yet I never felt pressured even a little into any of that . I had no interest in sports - still don 't , for that matter - and would rather watch TV or read than do all that stuff . I know some of the other parents said snide things , because I overheard them once . But if it bothered him , he never let on . I know it 's a big deal with a lot of fathers that their sons follow in their footsteps , and play sports and learn from them how to throw a football or hit a curve ball or hit the perfect drive . . . But as I said elsewhere , he let me be me and pursue my own interests and never pushed me to get interested in the things he was . I never expressed how grateful I was for that , because it never occurred to me until just now . Literally the only time I ever cut class in my ( pre - college ) life was at the very end of sixth grade . I forget what the occasion was , but there was a big gathering of my classmates for some event , and I either hadn 't been invited or didn 't want to go , so . . . I took the day off and spent it with Daddy at his office . He was working a block or so away on some building in downtown Eutaw . I had opened the office door for some reason - probably to get some fresh air ; everyone smoked back then , inside , and the building smelled perpetually of stale smoke - and dropped some fragile toy in the open doorway . The door was on a spring , and as it started to swing shut , without thinking , I put out my right hand to stop the door from closing . I hit one of the window panes squarely with my open right palm . And the door continued to close . The glass shattered and gouged out a shallow cut very close to the vein in my wrist . I saw the blood well up and clamped my left hand over the wound and high - tailed it out of the office over to Daddy 's work site . As soon as I saw him , I started crying . He looked down and saw blood out from between my fingers . He probably thought I 'd cut my arm half off from the theatrics . Again , he had to rush me to a doctor and leave his crew alone . ( I think I got a couple of stitches . It looked worse than it was . ) Our little dog Troubles , whom I mentioned above , was horribly spoiled . And not entirely right in the head . She would get out of our house and go on an adventure , looking for Daddy . Many times , Daddy would get a call from random people around town who knew us and knew Troubles . " David , your little black and white dog is running right up the middle of Highway 11 , nose to the yellow line . She was at so - and - so 's house headed toward town a few minutes ago . " Again , he would have to leave his crew and go find Troubles . Troubles wanted nothing in life so much as a ride in The Car . The Car was her favorite thing . So when Daddy would pull up , she would readily leap in , and he 'd take her home . One day , he told me , he just got a feeling that he should go home for lunch instead of eating with his crew . When he drove up at our house , this is what he saw : Troubles , standing in a pool of blood , leaned up against the carport door , barely alive . She had gotten out of the house and apparently picked a fight with the wrong dog . The much larger dog had picked her up in its jaws and shaken her . She managed to crawl home , and was propped up against the door with both lungs punctured . A few days later , the vet called us and said , " Come get your dog . You can watch her die at home as well as I can here . There 's nothing I can do for her . " We brought her home and put her on the couch , wrapped in bandages . There she lay for several weeks , looking pitiful as only a wounded dog can . We had to feed her by hand , and she got hot fried chicken breast from a local place . We fed her milk and water from a spoon . We would pick her up gingerly and take her outside so she could go to the bathroom . She got to sleep in the bed between my parents . When my mother was at work and I was at school , Daddy had to leave whatever site he was working and come home to do all this at least once or twice every day . And at night , she 'd get between him and my mother with her feet against his back , and just shoooooooooove as hard as she could . She got better . And was spoiled rotten from that day forth . How many men would have just written her off as a lost cause and let her die ? Not Daddy . Even though it inconvenienced him for weeks . He knew my mother and I would be devastated , so he did it without complaint . ( Or maybe there was complaint , but not that my mother has ever told me . ) Another time , there was a dog who chased our cat Sinbad up a tree . Sinbad could easily have gone up ten or twelve feet and gotten away , but . . . Sinbad wasn 't the brightest cat . He went all the way up the pine tree . Fifty or sixty feet up the pine tree . A very tall , very straight , very thin pine tree . And hugged the trunk . My mother was distraught . " David , you have got to get him out of the tree ! " He answered , " Dammit , Carlene , if he wants down , he 'll come down . " He was up there for at least a couple of days , yowling piteously . But no way was Daddy going up that tree for a damned cat . He put his foot down . And then a friend called and told us that there was a bad storm on the way . My mother begged Daddy once more to just get the cat out of the tree before the storm came . After what I 'm sure weren 't just a few expletives , he called Asplundh and got them to come out and lift him up to the top of that pine tree using their cherry picker . The idea was that the cat would know him , whereas if a stranger came up , he might panic and hurt himself or something . Daddy grabbed the cat and brought him back down . And from that day forward , Sinbad and Daddy were best friends . Sinbad followed him around wherever he went , demanding to be petted . In August , 1986 , he went to the doctor complaining of pains in his chest , teeth , and neck , and they discovered he had an inoperable tumor in his lung that was quite large , and pressing on his nerves , causing pain in different places . He had radiation therapy , and it seemed to work for a while , but then the tumor came back with a vengeance . I was to graduate from the University of Alabama in May of the next year . I distinctly remember studying for exams while staying with him in his hospital room . He intended to attend my graduation , but . . . it just wasn 't possible . He was too weak . A family friend helped me get ready and my uncle Jesse came with me to the ceremony , and filmed me marching across the stage , grabbing my college diploma , and walking off the stage . I have no memories at all of the entire ordeal . The stress was just too high . We went back to the hospital room and hooked the camera up to the TV in the room and made sure he saw it . It was very important to him , so it was important to us . I wouldn 't even have gone to graduation had it been up to me . Five days after my graduation , on May 21 , 1987 , he died quietly in his sleep , drugged on morphine because of the pain . The last thing he said to me , personally , before they administered the drugs was , " I want you to know that I 'm proud of you , and that I love you . " He then told all of us , " See you later . " I 'm very sorry I never got to know Daddy man to man . I had just turned 22 when he died , and was certainly not an " adult " or anything that could be called " a man . " Not that I still consider myself either of those things , but at age 50 , it seems kind of weird to insist I 'm not . If he were still here , he would be 78 years old . Probably retired ( although not retired from golf ) , but I wouldn 't count on that being complete . He 'd still be supervising . It was in his blood . My house would be in perfect repair , because he would see to it . He would have a large garden , and it would be full of every vegetable able to grow in Eutaw . I 'm certain my parents would still be living in the house he built in 1969 . They 'd probably travel some . To visit me in Atlanta , certainly , but to enjoy their retirement , as well . My mother 's brother is in Arizona ; his brother Jesse James is in Texas . A sister is in Tennessee . Another in the Birmingham area . One of Daddy 's dreams was to play golf at some of the courses where they did those tournaments he loved so much to watch . I have a feeling that coming to visit me in Georgia would be at least in small part an excuse to drag his clubs out to the links and get in 18 holes . Probably with someone he went to high school with in the 50s . : ) You may notice that I , a 50 - year - old man , refer to my father as " Daddy . " Not only is this Very Southern ™ , it 's because of what I say above : I never really knew him as a grown son knows his father . He never morphed from " Daddy " to " Dad . " ( Of course , my mother never morphed from " Mama " to " Mom , " either , so it 's entirely possible I would still call him Daddy , and that 's OK , too . ) Come to think of it , I 'm not 100 % sure where the carpentry skills came from . He had uncles who did carpentry , and Paw - Paw had a lot of carpentry equipment in his workshop . It 's probably something he learned growing up , surrounded by it on all sides . There was probably no formal " apprenticeship , " but I could be wrong . Crossett , Arkansas . You have to understand that a town of 5 , 000 people in 1960 was more than twice the size of Eutaw . Crossett is now about 10 , 000 people . My mother would fill your head with many tales of how horrible a baby I was , and how it ended their plans of ever , ever making that particular mistake again . But don 't listen to her . I was perfect then and am perfect now . ; ) Why in the hell do I remember this ? It was a series of problems where you had to take fractions and come up with an equivalent fraction for which the sum of the numerator and the denominator was a specific number . Example : Find a fraction n / d equivalent to 11 / 24ths where n + d = 4095 . ( 1287 / 2808 ) There were dozens of these . Most of the class solved it by just repeatedly adding the fractions together until they found the correct answer ( without Excel ! ) , but Daddy showed me a shortcut . When my extended family get together , spontaneous bell - choirs occasionally break out . No , I 'm not kidding . They can sing Christmas carols in four - part harmony with a few minutes of preparation . It 's both awesome and kind of weird at the same time . : ) This is fact . He stated it to me once it was built . He even checked about the zoning thing . I should also note that the shed is still in use . The local vet received it as a donation from my mother to get it out of the yard , and to our knowledge , it is still there . Daddy built to last . And my maternal grandparents , Nanny and Granddaddy , also fed her chicken and milk a time or two a day . Did I mention Troubles was aptly named and very spoiled ? Because she was . Author Gary D . Henderson is a speculative fiction writer living in the Atlanta , Georgia area . When he 's not writing , he 's writing . Code , that is . With over twenty years of experience in the software design industry , he currently wrangles wild software for , as they say , a " major healthcare company . " In his copious spare time , Gary attends writers groups in the Atlanta area , reads , instantly caters to his feline overlords ' every whim , and helps slay the occasional dragon or marauding horde of orcs . NaNoWriMo 2014 Progress What I 'm Reading First Contact ( Haunts For Sale # 1 ) by Kat GreenF @ ck It . I 'm Gonna Be A Unicorn : How I Was Vox Dayed Into Trying Something Different by Ken ScholesForensics : A Guide for Writers by D . P . LyleThe Story Grid : What Good Editors Know by Shawn CoyneLogan : A Trilogy by William F . NolanPyramids ( Discworld , # 7 ) by Terry PratchettThe Old Powder Line by Richard ParkerIt by Stephen KingCop Town by Karin SlaughterThe Chronicles of Amber : Volume I ( The Chronicles of Amber # 1 - 2 ) by Roger Zelazny

My husband has recently taken a position in England that will last 2 - 3 years . That meant I was able to give up my job and accompany him on this adventure . So it seems I 've been plopped down in jolly ole ' England for a while . This blog is to keep all my family and friends back home up to date on what I am up to and what life is like for us here so far from home . Hiya , as the British say . Just sitting around waiting for Friday . We are leaving early Friday morning to go to Scotland for five days ! A vendor of Joe 's ( Neil ) has invited us up to watch the Highland Games . He lives in Scotland , so we are heading up for the games which will be on Saturday . The Highland Games are in cities throughout the highlands ( as opposed to the lowlands and central Scotland ) . They are hosted by different cities throughout the summer . We are going to the Lonarch Highland Games . Neil lives a couple of hours away , this is his favorite . It is an 8 hour drive , so we will leave early Friday , stop and have lunch with Neil and then keep heading north to our hotel , about 25 miles outside of where the games are held . A couple of weeks ago I tried to get a hotel in the city where the games are ( Strathdon ) and there were no rooms available . Finally one inn keeper told me that there were no rooms as the same families reserve the same rooms for years in advance for the games ! I really don 't know what to expect . I know there will be lots of men in kilts ! They have all kinds of competitions including piping ( ? ) and highland dancing , track and field events , and the heavy events . These heavy events include hammer throwing , tug - of - war and tossing the caber . I thought tossing the caber would be like a shot put type thing . But I saw a picture online and it is a huge log ! Here is the description : " This event involves a tree trunk weighing approximately 150 lbs . , 18 feet long and 9 " in diameter on one end , narrowing to 5 " on the other . The competitor laces his hands together under the narrow end and rests the length of the caber on his shoulder . He then runs as fast as he can , stops dead and tosses the end he holds in the air so that the heavier end lands on the ground and the light end lands on the ground pointing away from him . " It sounds like entertainment to me ! After we spend Friday night and Saturday night there , we are going to drive to Edinburgh ( Scotland 's capital ) . They have an ongoing festival for the whole month of August with street entertainment , shows , all kinds of stuff going on . We will only be there for the day as our next two night lodging is an hour or two southwest of there in the Trossachs area of Scotland . The Trossachs is a beautiful area of lochs ( lakes or partially landlocked or protected bay ) and hills . This area is the setting of several novels written by Sir Walter Scott . Throughout Scotland are many places that Mary Queen of Scots hid while fleeing from the armies of King Henry VIII . One of those places is a priory in this area . Another neat thing is that we are going to be able to see the village where Rob Roy lived ( Robert MacGregor ) ( remember the movie Rob Roy with Liam Neeson , if you haven 't seen it you must ) , and his grave ! There is also a museum for him . There is a very pretty village named Luss , which is supposed to be one of the prettiest villages in Scotland . There is another village that has a fairly famous store called the Trossachs Woollen Mill http : / / www . trossachswoollenmill . com / that I can 't wait to shop in ! It doesn 't hurt that they sell homemade cakes , scones , biscuits and pancakes too ! This is supposed to be the relaxing part of our mini trip . Joe is happy to let me do all the planning . I was hoping we could stroll around the area and relax with some pretty scenery before he has to go back to work on Wednesday . I hope to have lots to write about when we get home on Tuesday . We are going to take our Flip camera that Joe 's managers gave him before we moved here . What a GREAT gift guys ! We 've been using it and having fun with it . Now I need to get busy and work out how to get a video put on this blog . Our sweet little granddaughter Caroline went to her first day of Kindergarten yesterday . Can you believe it ? There are pictures of this momentous day on Facebook . She is very confident and independent . After taking pictures when the bus picked her up , her mom followed in the car to see her to her classroom . She informed her mom , " I know where I 'm going " and off she went to put her backpack in her locker . How cute ! Brian asked her when she got home what the best part of her day was and she said , " the bus " ! LOL . I really miss those two grandkids . I am getting very tired of my meals tasting blah ! The other night I made a lasagna . One of Joe 's favorite meals . It was a Sunday and true to Joe 's M . O . he didn 't eat all day so he could be good and hungry for his lasagna . I don 't know how he does that , but oh well . So I work in the kitchen for over an hour making the lasagna the way he likes it with large sausages on top and ground beef in the sauce . I made a lovely spinach salad with mushrooms , croutons and tomatoes and my home made oil and vinegar dressing that never fails to delight . Finally the meal is ready and we sit down to eat . I was so disappointed by the outcome . Everything tasted just OK . It happens all the time and I am tired of it ! The lasagna didn 't have a lot of flavor . Joe asked me if I was using less beef now . The sausages were flavorless and believe it or not , my own salad dressing didn 't even taste good ! Joe asked me why I made so much salad and I told him that I was planning on having two big bowls of it ! As it was I didn 't even finish one bowl . Then had to throw the rest away as there was already dressing all over it . Joe is so good about it and always says the right things . He makes a good point that we are eating less because the food doesn 't taste as good to us . I laughed and said , " yeah , but there 's so much leftover we have to eat it again tomorrow night " ! We both decided that maybe it will season up overnight . We can always hope . The tomato sauce here is called ' sieved tomatoes ' . I 'm sure there 's hardly any salt added as that seems to be a running issue in the food . They are VERY health consciouse in their food products . Many times I have a food item that I am reading the directions for and it will say on the package , " salt may be added , but remember the daily salt requirement is . . . " . I have never salted food that much , but I have to here . And it still doesn 't taste quite right . The canned vegetables taste like you bought the kind that are low sodium at home . The ground beef tastes different . I don 't think there 's very much fat in it . I guess its all healthier , but man , I just want to TASTE again ! Joe is desperate for good tasting beef . My niece was having a cook out this weekend and put a picture of a huge beef brisket sandwich piled high with beef and oozing sauce . Joe and I were sitting here salivating ! Of course that was right during the time that he was " fasting " for the wonderful lasagna dinner ! Ha ! In the restaurants it all depends on where you are and what you order . In the nicer restaurants the food is very good . Of course restaurants anywhere are notorious for extra salt and butter because they have to make the food taste good . But sometimes in the cafe types the food is just bland . Many times I just don 't even finish mine , something I never used to do . I told Joe if it doesn 't taste that good , then I 'm not wasting calories on it ! He always finishes his though . Old habits die hard . I have to say though the fish and chips are wonderful here ! They huge pieces of fish with tons of batter and are fattening as all get out but YUM worth it . They serve them with something called mushy peas . They are actually mushy peas , a mound of that looks sort of like green mashed potatoes . I love them ! To me the flavor is kind of like split pea soup . But Joe likes split pea soup and doesn 't like the peas so go figure . The peanut butter here doesn 't have as much fat in it either and is real pasty . Kind of hard to spread on the bread . I don 't think they even used to have peanut butter so I guess we 're lucky to have it at all . They have a VERY small selection of crackers . I bought a box of " vegetable crackers " that sort of looked like crackers you 'd see at home . YUCK ! I tried some with my lunch today and they were awful . Threw the whole lot away . They don 't have anything remotely like saltines . I guess no one here eats crackers in their soup . You don 't get served any with soup in restaurants . When I asked in the grocery store they had no idea what I was talking about and showed me the salad croutons ( of which there are VERY few ) . I looked at cake mixes at the store the other day . They had Duncan Hines chocolate and marble . That was IT . Two flavors and no others , not even any other brands ! I COULD not believe it . Joe is not a sweet eater , although he does like yellow cake once in a while . But I knew if I bought the chocolate he wouldn 't eat much and then YOU KNOW WHO would eat the whole thing . I 'll have to make him one from scratch one of these days . Although the powdered sugar for the frostings is called " icing " so who knows , it may have some weird additives in it . After saying all that , I have to admit that the British are not as fat as Americans . Partly due to the food , the lack of fast food restaurants and the fact that they walk everywhere . It is a pretty healthy society I must admit . Except for the health care . I am saving up a whole blog for that subject one of these days ! So I suppose the lack of additives in the food is all good in the long run . I get very few calls on our home phone . Mainly just Joe telling me he 's on his way home from work . But when I do get a call during the day after I answer they always say , " Is that Mrs . Hawkins ? " Is that Mrs . Hawkins ? ? ? What the heck ? But they all do it . So I just say , " yes " and chuckle to myself . They love our accent so after a few words they are so pleased to talk to you . I was in a store the other day shopping and had a young sales girl helping me . She said she loved my accent and I swear would hardly let me go ! So funny . Many times watching TV I have to rewind something because I can 't figure out what they said . It 's usually when its someone being interviewed or something , not a TV personality . Their accents are not that thick . I have a new favorite show . Animal Cops . I know we had it at home , but I hardly ever watched it . Now I set the DVR to record all the shows from different cities ( here and US ) and watch them when Joe goes to bed . I don 't watch TV during the day . We watch FOX news in the evening . Although they are all the afternoon shows since the time difference is so big . But that way we keep up on what 's going on in the US . Then Joe goes to bed and its me watching all the people being cruel to animals getting their animals taken away and sometimes even jail or fines ! It is unbelievable how people neglect or abuse their animals . No one MAKES them have pets , so why do they get them if they aren 't going to take care of them ? I just don 't get it ! My favorite is when the animals are all healed and happy and get new homes . I SO long for an animal of my own . The closest thing I have is that one kitty up the street who I pet when I see her . ( Previous blog has a picture of her ) . I wait for a nice sunny day to do laundry . You need the sun and a breeze for the laundry to dry on the line . The sky was blue , sun was shining and I had a load almost ready to be finished in the washer . I went in and took a quick shower , came back out and the dark clouds have appeared and the wind is kicking up like crazy . This is typical of the weather here . Since England is basically one big island , we have a constant threat of rain and usually nice breezes . It rains one minute and the sun comes out the next . That 's one rule of going outside here . ALWAYS bring an umbrella . ( I 've been caught out on my bike three times when it started raining . ) So my clothes are out there whipping in the wind . I 'm hoping they dry before the rain comes . If not , they 'll get wet and then the sun will come out again and dry them . If you are in a store , making small talk about the weather , usually someone will say , " well I hung my wash out so it will surely rain , oh well " . I don 't think anyone here uses a clothes dryer . They just make due . I have finally started using my dryer for towJoe and I receive mail here about once a week . Don 't get me wrong , they have delivery six days a week . We just get ours sporadically . All houses have mail slots , no boxes on streets for curbside delivery . NONE . We live down a long lane and my personal feeling is that the mail carrier doesn 't want to walk down that lane until he gets a good handful of mail to make it worth it . Because on the day we do get mail delivery it is usually a good amount . I guess the Royal Mail does not have the strict rules of the Postal Service . It was a firing offence to leave a first class letter , or any first class mail behind and not deliver it . I guess I should be happy that I get the mail at all if they are that lax here . A letter from our insurance was mailed on 7 / 19 / 10 . It would have gone to our VA address and then forwarded here . The forwarding part would have taken about a week . So what is the hold - up for the month following that ? Who knows ! However , if I order something online here , usually it is delivered to me the next day ! By other shipping companies , not the Royal Mail . Most companies have UK divisions , like Amazon etc . I am always amazed at how fast I get orders like that . I have even ordered in the evening and many times still received the next day . Of course the UK is small so the warehouse is probably not too far away . One last update on the pet situation . I contacted a shelter and am speaking to the woman in charge about fostering a dog . They need fosters badly for dogs who are either ill or are not handling the kennels very well . Right now she has several animals in need of foster . The one I 'm interested in is a lab mix that is eight years old . His elderly owner just passed away and he is not doing well in the kennel situation at all . She is mailing me forms to fill out . I 'm a little worried that the owners of our house won 't want to agree to me having a pet . I wouldn 't even worry about it because the house is managed by a company and we have never even seen or heard from the owners at all . But some of the shelters ask for written permission from the landlords . I 'm hoping that the issue won 't even come up ! Wish me luck ! Last night around 10 : 00 PM I was sitting on the couch enjoying the television shows that Joe never wants to watch . Joe was already long gone to bed . All of a sudden I heard a sound like a pebble falling that landed on the ceramic floor around the fireplace . I looked over and didn 't see anything . No windows were open , so I just ignored it . About a second later this HUGE bee started buzzing through the air . Now , I 'm not afraid of bees , but this thing was so huge and flew SO FAST that I couldn 't even get a good look at it . I just knew it was not like any bee I 've seen , it had a big body and long wings . I jumped up and grabbed my newspaper and started to try to smack it . The thing kept flying high to the ceiling so I couldn 't get it good and also it was so fast that I didn 't come close to hitting it anyway . It just kept flying and buzzing like crazy . And I kept swinging at it because NO WAY was that thing going to stay in the house when I went to bed ! This went on for like 10 minutes . Finally I decided to open the sliding glass door that goes out back and try to swoosh it out the door . Which involved me unlocking the door with the key ( everything here unlocks from the inside AND the outside with a key ) , then unlocking the regular lock and then pulling HARD on the door to get it to open . ( This door wouldn 't open when we moved in and we had to get a locksmith out here . Turns out it wasn 't the lock , but the door hadn 't been opened in years and was basically stuck shut from debris in the slider . So now we are trying to work it lose day by day ) . But , I digress . So with the door open and the cold air coming in I continued my pursuit . I went from frantic swats of trying to kill him and swooshing the paper and trying to lead him out . Nothing seemed to work . I tell you that thing was a speed racer ! Suddenly there was silence ! I didn 't see it go out but it must have . There was no sound at all . I shut the door , locked it and went back to my show . Not five minutes later the stupid thing started up again ! Now it was really getting me mad . I unlocked the door and opened it again . I made another attack without success as he flew just out of my reach , landing on the ceilings and up in the window curtains where I couldn 't reach him . About this time I decided that I 'd better close off the living room because if it flew into the rest of the house I 'd never catch it . We have two sets of double doors that close the living room off ( thank goodness ) . I shut those and felt like this was it . It was he and I and I was determined to be the last man standing . I turned toward the thing with a new vigor and went into a wild frenzy violently swinging the paper at him for another 5 minutes and then again . . . silence . This time I thought maybe I 'd got him for sure . I hadn 't seen him fall but in my crazy attack mode I could have missed it . I stood for a minute and no sound . Again I closed and locked the door and went back to the TV . Another few minutes goes by and he flies out of hiding again ! ! I know he is probably mad as a hornet ( to coin a phrase ) but I was MAD too ! I flung the back door open again and was determined that this time I would not be fooled . The thing was going to be attacked until I saw it dead or outside . I was not falling for his little hiding tricks so he could rest up again ! I tell you I was so close to getting Joe up , but he had been extra tired that night and I just couldn 't do it . With my newspaper rolled into the perfect swatting machine I went crazy on that thing . Swinging at anything and everything . Sometimes I would get going and lose track of where he was . Just about that time he 'd buzz my head and I 'd run and turn around to try to beat him back . He was such a huge ugly beast . I was swinging in circles as he dive bombed from ceiling to furniture to windows . This went on for several minutes . I had him close to the door , but he kept staying up so high that the idiot was above the door . And then again silence ! " You 're not fooling me this time " , I thought . So I proceeded to search . I thought he was in the top of the curtains near the ceiling . So I kept slapping the curtains with the newspaper . I even got behind the curtains and stuck the paper underneath the rod and above them slapping and slapping trying to scare him into flight . But I guess he was educated by now . He remained quiet . So I sat down for a rest ( with cool air coming in and by now a few smaller bugs ) . After a few minutes I quietly got up and peeked underneath the valences that hung down over the top of the sliding door and there he was ! I hit that valence so hard he was thrown straight out the back door . HURRAY ! I closed the back door as fast as I could and locked it ! I was so happy and proud that I had won and he was gone . I sat down on the couch to relax once more and do you know that stupid bee kept slamming itself into the outside of the window that was next to my couch ! He did that for like a half an hour ! I 'd hear the ping of his body hitting the katylou I have to begin this blog by saying that I was completely overwhelmed by the support and well wishes of the PostSecret fans . Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would receive the wealth of responses that I did when Frank posted the link to my blog on his website . When I got up Sunday morning my husband told me to take a look at my blog stats . I casually got out my computer and turned it on . When I clicked on the stats and saw over 7 , 000 hits my eyes about popped out of my head . This blog had been started to be like a letter home to our family and friends about our experiences here in the UK . Now , I have had over 84 , 000 hits from all over the world ! I have over 230 comments from people that I call friends thanks to the wonderful well wishes that were wafting through my computer ! Such an outpouring I have never seen and am truly humbled . Isn 't it amazing how many lives have been touched because of PostSecret ? There are so many " strangers " who are being connected through Frank 's site in cyberspace , books , emails and for the lucky ones , a PostSecret event . Frank has done a great thing and he will probably never know how many lives he has affected . I would also like to thank the commenters who live here or have lived here . They read my older blogs and gave me such great advice on places to go while we are here in England . So many good suggestions . I have written them all down and started researching them for future trips . I find it funny how many Brits are reading my blog and laughing over our interpretations of them . I am glad that I have not offended anyone with my writings . I appreciate the warm welcome that I have received from you , and the British folks that we have met so far . I had several comments from people who are also Americans living temporarily in this country . I 'm glad to know you are out there ! Thanks for the blog addresses so we can share our experiences . But most importantly , thank you for reading ! This is a post that I have been looking forward to writing for some time now . And it has nothing to do with the United Kingdom or the British ! It is a project that I became involved in ( unknowingly ) a few years ago that has turned out to be a very interesting and unique experience . If you are unaware of PostSecret , let me start at the beginning . . . As a mail carrier ( in Germantown , MD ) you get used to seeing unusual things go through the mail . I have delivered ashes of deceased pets and humans to teary eyed customers ; tons of certified letters sent by bill collectors to equally teary eyed customers ; valuables in registered mail ; live baby chicks , ducklings , worms , crickets , car tires and wheels , steamer trunks , and even packages that are broken and oozing unknown materials . I have even been known to pick up a dog or two who had broken out of their yards and returned them to their owners . You 'd think I 'd be immune to odd things . But nothing prepared me for PostSecret ! Let me start off by explaining the process of casing mail . Every mail carrier has their own route covering a certain territory . In the office each route has their own case . The big metal case is labeled with everyone 's addresses , each address having their own slot where the mail is put . We carriers stand at that case all morning " casing " all the mail for our customers . The mail comes to us in trays and buckets and we are basically sorting for anywhere from 4 - 6 hours a morning . After all the mail is cased , we pull it all down , in order of delivery One customer of mine ( Frank Warren ) started receiving a few post cards in the mail daily . They were preprinted with his address and looked like a card that a dentist office would send reminding you of an upcoming appointment . It was just something I subconsciously noticed . There were just a few every day and they all looked the same . I never turned them over to look at the other side . All I was concerned with was the address side . So for a while I didn 't pay much attention . We deal with thousands upon thousands of letters during our mornings of casing our mail and don 't usually look to see who a letter is from or what it is . That all changed one day for me . While casing one of Frank 's post cards one fell out of my hands and landed upside down on the floor . I gasped when I read in huge bold letters I LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH STRANGERS . You can imagine my shock . That 's all it said . It had bright coloring underneath the letters . I 'll never forget it . I immediately ran around showing my close friends what I had found in the mail . One guy was so shocked he said , " Did a girl write it ? " I was like , " how the heck do I know , who cares ? " I looked on the address side of the card and read the preprinted instructions next to Frank 's address . It invited you to participate in a group art project by writing a secret ( that no one else knows ) on the other side of the card and mailing it anonymously to the printed address . I don 't have to tell you that I pulled the few postcards that were in his address slot that day and began reading them immediately ! From that day forward , me , ( and a few friends at work who I had showed the postcard to ) began reading all the cards daily . I still didn 't really know what was going on , but was intrigued . A few weeks later I happened to meet Frank 's lovely wife Jan at the mailbox . She had a knowing little smile on her face and looked as if she knew what I was going to ask . She explained that Frank started this little " experiment " a while ago , handing out these preprinted postcards at metro stations , art exhibits , and shops in Georgetown and the Washington , D . C . area . I think he also went to local libraries and put them inside various books for people to find . The postcards began to trickle in from his efforts . He was enjoying reading the cards and really didn 't expect much more from his experiment . We discussed it for a few minutes and I went on my way . However , as time went on the postcards began to more than just trickle in . We at the post office were having a blast reading them every day . There were silly , funny , serious , sad , lonely , hateful , every kind of emotion you could imagine on these little postcards . The exceptionally funny ones were passed around the office for everyone to share . One of my co - workers said she couldn 't believe that this person lived on MY route . She said , " of all people to get this on their route , YOU ! " I took it to mean that she knew I was thoroughly enjoying it and maybe she was a tad jealous ! I have to say that it was fun and a great conversation topic , but despite all that , I began to learn from it . There are many many sad and lonely people out there and some of these postcards would break your heart . Suddenly the problems that I or my friends might have , seemed small in comparison to the ones I was reading . It certainly made me take a look at my life and realize how lucky I was . I just wanted to reach out and help but they were always anonymous except for the postmark you hadn 't a clue where the card came from . By now I had also talked to Frank about his project . He came out to the box one day and said , " I hope some of these postcards aren 't too unsettling for you " . I thought it was such a perfect statement as some of them were very crude and he had to know that I was seeing them and possibly becoming offended . I assured him that I could handle it and thought the whole thing was a unique idea . Shortly thereafter Frank started a website for his cards . He began by posting several cards on the website every Sunday from his weekly bundle . And the whole thing just got bigger and bigger . Soon I was getting postcards from overseas , home made cards , extravagant cards that took hours to create . I remember one that had paper clips and office supplies taped all over it and said something to the effect of " I hate my boss so I waste office supplies " . So many people hate their bosses . I wish I could remember all the tricks that have been played on them . One of my favorites was from a person who wrote " When I was a young man in Florida I used to work in a post office as part time Christmas help . We used to read all the postcards that came through . Do you all still do that ? " I wanted to scream , " Yes , we still do ! " to the guy , but he will never know my answer . I also read ones that left me feeling depressed like the one that wrote about watching her neighbor starve his dog to death in his backyard and she hadn 't done anything about it . She feels so guilty and can 't get over it . I felt her sadness right through her words on the card . There were quite a few that were actual photographs where a whole family would be standing in the photo and the mom would be scratched out and something like " thanks Mom for ruining my life " over the photo . A lot of them about family dysfunction . There were some that were so bad I can 't even repeat here . I was getting a glimpse into strangers ' minds and souls . It was heartbreaking at times , and other times inspiring . I don 't know which happened first , the media got wind of the website or Frank put out his first book . All I know is that I rolled up in my truck one day and there were cameras and a reporter interviewing Frank by the mailbox . They were so excited that they happened to be there when the secrets were actually being delivered . I am camera shy ( yes , believe me , I am ) so I would never allow them to take pictures of me . However , many of them have pictures of my truck slowly pulling up to the box and my hand putting the mail in . I have been interviewed and asked all kinds of questions like " do you read the postcards ? " which at that time my reply was , " well , we 're not allowed to read the mail , but sometimes they accidentally get turned over " or " does Frank treat you well at Christmas ? " , which I respond with a resounding " YES " ( even though we aren 't supposed to accept tips , yeah right ) . One asked me if I 'd ever written in a secret . I actually HAD written a secret in , but his question took me off guard and I suddenly felt flustered , like somehow he would KNOW which one was mine , so I told him " no " . Now I realize how silly that was . I never told that to Frank , I guess I should have . Anyway , Frank would stand by with a proud smile knowing that I was enjoying my little moment of fame . He 'd go on a radio or talk show and my phone would start buzzing , " that guy on your route is on TV ! " Then one day Frank got me at a weak moment and snapped a picture of me delivering his mail . The next book that came out had that picture right in the front ! Was I ever shocked ! But it was a fun surprise . My daughter was reading the website one day and clicked on a clip of one of Frank 's speeches . She was amazed to see ME up on the screen behind Frank . She said , " hey , that 's my mom ! " I actually DID get a little fame from it ! Some of the postcards started coming with " Hi Kathy " on the front . Frank has a large mailbox with a marker inside where people can come and sign his mailbox . There are a lot of messages written on it to me , thanking me for delivering the secrets . Frank even organized a Internet Christmas letter to me with messages from his followers online and then he printed it out for me at Christmas time . I felt very special . He was always quick to acknowledge me as an important part of PostSecret . He has also given me all his books , signed to me by him of course . He even signed one for my daughter . I have friends from other states who have emailed me and asked if there was any way that I was " Kathy the mail carrier " that they had read about on this new website for secrets they found . It 's a small world , that 's for sure . I told him a funny story once . I was about a half a mile from his house serving another customer one day and she asked me the " are you the Kathy from PostSecret ? " question . I told her I was and she was SO impressed . She had just bought one of his books for her daughter who is a huge fan of PostSecret . She asked me if I would sign the book for her . I told her that I could do better than that . If she would give it to me I 'd take it to Frank and have him sign it . She responded , " Oh , no , I want YOUR signature ! " How funny is that ? Frank was tickled when I told him that . I actually out did him on that one ! Shortly after I quit work Frank had an exhibit at the American Visionary Art Museum . I was invited to attend but was traveling at the time . The Art Museum made me a brightly colored tiara with " USPS Wonder Woman " written on it . Frank sent it to me and I will always cherish it . I wish I could have been there in person to accept it . Sometimes when I arrived at his mailbox there would be a postcard just lying in there that someone had driven to his house and dropped off for him . I often wondered if it made him nervous to have his address " out there " to millions of people . But he never seemed worried about it . One day when I got to the box there was a note . I picked it up ( I wasn 't being nosy , a lot of times customers leave us notes to do something like go to the door to retrieve a package or whatever ) . To paraphrase , the note said " Our parents think we are sleeping in the tent in my backyard but we took a road trip to see your mailbox instead ! " and was signed by two girls from Ohio ! ! Crazy ! When I left the Post Office in January 2010 , to move to England ( for 3 years ) , the secrets were still coming fast and furious . For the past couple of years there were so many that I could not possibly read them all . I 'd read a few that happen to catch my eye . Sometimes one of the clerks who sort the mail to the various routes , would read an interesting one and leave it wrong side up in my stack of letters , so that I would read it . It has really opened my eyes to the lives of people all around you . There are so many stories behind the faces . If we could be as open to each other as the people who pour out their secrets , I think it would be a more understanding world . But too often people are afraid to show their inhibitions , sufferings and well , their secrets . As long as we have PostSecret , there is an outlet for those want to share . I have no doubt that it has been a good thing . Frank 's website is one of the most visited websites in the whole world . www . postsecret . com Even with that popularity he has never allowed any advertising on it . He hopes to keep it this way . His books and his travels have raised thousands of dollars for suicide prevention , a cause he cares about greatly . He travels all over the country delivering speeches mostly on college and university campuses . His speeches are very popular and draw huge crowds . As happy as I was to retire from the post office I was very sad to leave the PostSecret project and my friends ; Frank and Jan , their daughter Hailey and their wonderful , funny , lovable dog Shadow ! I couldn 't have asked for nicer customers and a more interesting experience . If Frank posts my blog on his website I hope his readers can tell how much their secrets meant to me over the years . Currently a middle - aged housewife ! Four children at home in US . All grown ( or I couldn 't have done this ) . One great daugher - in - law and

A young and handsome man , a soldier by the looks of him , stumbled into a small village in the forest . Wounded , he collapsed once he reached the village . People ran out to help him and took him to the hut of the healer and left him there to see if he would live . He was strong and with the help of the healer he lived . He became a member of the tribe and was grateful for all that was done for him . He was waiting to return to his home when the war that he was fighting was over and it would be safe to travel . His name was Felinus . A lovely girl helped the healer tend to him and he began to look forward to her visit each day . Her name was Katrine and it seemed to him that she was the one girl for him . By the time he healed he was in love and married into the village . His happiness was complete when she told him there would be a child . A baby girl was born and the soldier insisted that a small mark be tattooed on her foot . They named her Pearl as she was so beautiful . He told his wife that if something ever happened to him the child would be safe as this was the mark of his father a very powerful king . He planned to return with his family when the fighting was over . He went into the forest when Pearl was only a baby to check on the conditions and to see if he could travel . He never returned and the men of the village found him dead the next day . Pearl 's mother mourned him for the full year required by her people because she did love him so much then took another husband and had other children . She soon forgot about the mark on her daughter 's foot and wouldn 't know where to take her if she did try to find her husband 's people . The oldest girl was only 11 years old . Her name was Pearl and she felt responsible for the group of small girls that were hiding with her . The were told to stay out of sight until an adult came for them but it had been days and no one came looking for them . They were hungry and the youngest girl , only 3 years old , whimpered most of the time . " Some one keep Lola quiet . I can 't do everything all by myself . " Pearl was tired of trying to keep everyone safe and wished someone was older so she could sit and cry for a change . When the loud horn , made from some animal , kept sounding across the village she had run for the edge of the forest like her mother had taught her . Hide , she had said . Hide and don 't come back until some grown up comes and tells you it 's safe . When she was far enough away from the village she had hidden in a small cave that her mother had shown her . There was a water jug and some food hidden there along with some furs to sleep on . . Slowly other girls had come creeping in to the cave . They spent the first night huddled in fear and afraid to make a sound . Now the food and water were gone and Pearl was giving up hope that any one would come for them . These raids were part of life . The powerful Chieftain always looked for slaves and constantly raided other villages to take as many as possible . Many were sold to some powerful slave trader that took most of them to the big ocean . They were usually looking for men and boys but took any one that got caught in their nets . It had gotten worse this last year and the number in their village was shrinking . It was hard to find food as most of the hunters were taken in earlier raids . " I have to go see what happened to the people of our village and see if I can find us some food . All of you be quiet and wait for me . If I 'm not back by dark then you are on your own . " Pearl had made up her mind to find out for herself what had happened . She slipped through the shrubs and plants that grew so thick that it was hard to walk unless you knew the path . Soon she came to the edge of the trees and looked toward the village that had been her home since she was born . The first thing she noticed was the smell of smoke . The closer she came to the place that she called home the more frightened she became . At last she was close enough to see that all the smoke was coming from the village . It was gone . Burned completely . No one was there . No grown up she could run to and ask for help . No one . She listened for sounds of voices but it was eerie silence all around . Not even the birds were making their usual chatter and racket . She slowly moved closer trying to find her family 's hut but it was burned along with all the others . Frantically , she ran crying out for any one that might hear her . " It 's me , Pearl ! Where are you ? " She was crying from hunger and fear of what her brain didn 't want to accept . They were all gone and she was alone except for the young girls waiting back at the cave . She was so busy looking for food she could eat that she wasn 't thinking straight . With the silence she should have known that something was wrong . That was the first sign that something was going to happen . The trees around her home were full of birds and insects . When they grew silent it meant trouble . As she dug in the ashes and ruins of the simple huts her people lived in she didn 't notice the men coming into the clearing . Someone grabbed her from behind and lifted her up in strong arms . Pearl could feel strong arms lift her up and as she screamed and kicked her feet he carried her to the edge of the clearing and put her in a cart . " Lock her up . If there is one around there must be more . You know how much we can get for young ones like this . We have to find the rest of them . " The other girls had left the cave and followed Pearl , afraid that they would lose the only one that was taking care of them . One by one they were found close to the ruined village and put in the cart with Pearl . Most of the younger girls were crying . " Give them something to eat and some water to shut them up . I hate whining , crying kids . " The leader of the group was a soldier of the powerful Chieftain that ruled in this corner of the country . This place was cut off from the rest of the country and any one that ventured very far inside the borders of the guerrilla army was killed or captured and made a slave . Pearl 's village was outside the borders of this powerful man and lived in safety for as long as any one could remember . It was in the last few years that slaves came into demand and raids like this took place all the time . The young girls didn 't know the outside world and had no idea that they lived a very primitive life compared to the rest of the world . When Pearl saw them put Lola in the cart she counted heads and knew they had all been taken . It didn 't matter . They would have died soon without food or water . The girls eagerly ate the small travel cakes that the men carried with them and they were given water . As the cart began to move they were jostled from side to side but soon calmed down and stared with blank eyes at the men that kept talking and laughing behind the cart . They were riding horses , something rare in this part of the world . The girls had never seen one before and they looked big and powerful . Pearl dozed off as she resigned herself to what ever fate was waiting for her . During the night she woke up when someone put a hand over her mouth . She looked up into the eyes of the man that was leading this small group of men . He carried her over to the side of the small path they were following . Many of the girls were missing and Pearl could see a fire with men sitting around it . She could see the girls there with the men and hear some of them crying . Then she was carried into the darkness of the forest and laid on the ground . She was scared . She didn 't know what was going to happen . Why was he doing this ? He covered her body with his and pulled off her wrap . She could feel his naked skin on hers and even though it felt sort of good it also scared her . He put a cloth over her mouth and tied it behind her head to keep her from crying out . He kissed her neck and whispered to her words she didn 't understand . He was excited she could tell that . Then she felt him pushing something between her legs . She tried to get away as this was not right . She had to get away from him and hide in the forest . She tried to fight but he was too big and strong for a young girl like Pearl . He pushed her legs wide apart and then she felt him pushing something inside her body . He was using her for sex . She knew that much . She had never been used like this and was still a virgin . When his thing broke through her membrane she tried to scream but couldn 't . He had a hand over her throat and was slowly trying to kill her . She stopped fighting and he took his hand away and she could breathe . She lay under him as he pushed deeper into her body . It didn 't hurt as badly as she thought it would and when he was in all the way he began to thrust over and over at her body . His mouth was everywhere and he was moaning as he licked at her tiny nipples . He sucked on one and she felt a strange thrill go to her slit and didn 't know what was happening . The man was like someone possessed . He began to fuck at her tiny slit and small body . She was so tight and his cock was in a grip like nothing he had ever felt . No wonder some men wanted young girls . They were tight and soft and easy to control . He took his time pushing in and out of her body and then she felt his thing pressing on something inside that was making her feel very good . The more he did this the more she felt pleasure . Faster and faster he worked his hips , ramming his cock into her small body . Then his cum shot up his shaft and into her body she was gripped in the first orgasm of her life and while he struggled to keep from shouting out she moaned against his chest . When it was over he cleaned her legs of any trace of what he had done and carried her back to the cart . He locked her in and went to the fire and took one of the other girls to play with . Pearl was in some kind of shock and finally drifted off to sleep . She didn 't hear the other girls when they were brought back . The next morning it was as if nothing had happened . They traveled for several hours and finally reached their destination . Pearl woke to a nightmare of sounds , smells and a kaleidoscope of colors . Colorful tents were all around and many people moved back and forth talking and laughing . She could smell meat cooking and her stomach flip flopped as she was so hungry . The other girls were waking up and looking around and a few were crying again . The girls had never seen so many people in one place before and so many different kinds . Some had very dark skin , others were almost white . Some had yellow hair and she stared at a man that had thick red hair on his head . If they weren 't prisoners it would be fun to check out the many tents and food that was being cooked . This was the trading post for many different tribes . Not far away was the ocean that Pearl had never seen and she could see the tops of big ships with tall masts that sailed here from around the world . She had no idea what was going to happen to them and realized the other members of her village probably were brought here as well . She looked around trying to see someone she knew . But it was all strange and unfamiliar to her and she knew her life was about to change and it scared her . One man seemed to be crazy . His red hair was wild , sticking up all over his head . He was dirty and was missing some teeth . He laughed and pointed at the girls in the cart . As Pearl stared at him he grinned and reached under his dirty wrap and pulled out his pee thing . It was so big that Pearl stared in fascination . She had seen the little boys when they were bathed at her village but had never seem one on a grown man . Last night she hadn 't seen the one that was pushed into her , just felt it . Pearl didn 't know what it was at first , this long thing growing out of a mat of red hair . As all the girls stared at this strange sight he grabbed it with his hand and began to jerk it . It got bigger and he was moaning and looking at the young girls as he jerked off his cock . When his cum shot out the end on to the ground he moaned out very loudly then laughed like a hyena at the startled faces of the girls . " You . You ! Crazy man . Get away from those girls . " One of the guards was laughing but chasing the man away . " Well , girls . You are going to see a lot of that part of a man 's body from now on . " He laughed and watched the girls stare at the stuff on the ground that came from the man . Pearl looked away and somehow knew that had something to do with sex but she had never been exposed to it before last night . She refused to remember last night . It looked awful . That man was so big and she had heard that men put that thing in women and that it was supposed to be nice . She shuddered . Didn 't look nice to her . Yet what happened last night did feel good , that one moment . " Hey , I think they liked seeing that old man 's cock . What they need to see is a good one . " One of the guards was laughing and whipped out his own cock . " Look girls , I 'm much bigger and a lot better . " He waved his cock at them and stared into their eyes as he flashed his cock and balls at them . " Aw , I 'm not a dirty old man . I could buy you and make you suck on this every night of your life . Would you like that ? Huh ? Huh ? Make you eat my cum every night and you will grow to love it . " " Close your eyes , girls . We don 't have to look at that . " Pearl turned her back on the man only to discover that a large group of men had gathered around the cart and were laughing at the girls and all had their cocks in their hands and showing them off . " Ever see one of these ? You will see plenty after today . Tomorrow you go on the auction block and the only reason a man will buy you is to make you into a sex toy . You 're all too small and young to do much work . " He laughed and moved closer to Pearl . " Girlie , maybe I 'll buy you . Reach out and touch me . Go ahead and see how nice this is . " Pearl closed her eyes and refused to look at the crazy men that were crowding in toward the cart . The girls in her village were loved and respected and had never seen a man naked . They saw little boys running around naked but there was a big difference between a cute little boy and these ugly old men . " Get away from that cart ! " A big man with a whip came toward them and snapped the whip over the heads of the men . " Those are my captives and you have no right to scare them like that . " " Move that cart over to my tent and put the girls inside . I 'll have to get them cleaned up and decided what I 'm going to do with them . " The whip was still in his hand so his men hurried to do what he said . He stared at Pearl long and hard and then smiled at her . Pearl didn 't realize how pretty she was . She had long dark wavy hair and big , deep brown eyes . Her small body was slim but strong . Her tiny breasts were beginning to develop and swelled slightly under her simply wrap . Pearl had never seen so many people in one place and so many colors and scents that were unknown to her . She knew she was dirty . Her hair was a matted mess and as she looked at the people around the cart she felt shy and embarrassed as they stared at her in her primitive wrap . Then the cart was moving and they pulled up next to a big tent . The girls were lifted out of the cart and pushed in side the tent . It was cooler in the dim light of the tent and several old women were waiting for them . The girls didn 't understand what they were saying but soon warm water was brought in and poured into a big tub . One by one the girls were stripped of their dirty and primitive wraps and had to submit to soap and scrubbing by several women as they cleaned their bodies and hair . When they were dried off they were given clean shifts and a outer wraps that covered their bodies . These were pretty in all colors and the nicest thing the girls had ever seen . New sandals were left for them and all their old clothes were taken out to be burned . By the time they were all cleaned up food was brought into the tent and for the first time in days the girls were fed hot food and fresh fruit . All they could eat . They were given cups with a weak wine to wash down the food and by this time the sun was setting and the girls gave in to the exhaustion and begged for a place to sleep . Pearl was exhausted and fell into a deep sleep . When she was awakened the next morning some of the girls were gone . At first she panicked and then she didn 't care . She knew she had to concentrate on her self and try to survive what ever was going to happen next . The girls that were left were given a breakfast of fruit and a flat bread filled with meat . It was delicious and now that she was clean and refreshed from her sleep she ate till she was full . Resigned to her fate she tried hard not to care about the other girls . There was nothing she could do for them and very little she could do for herself . Her hair was brushed and she was given a clean shift to wear under her light robe . " Well , well , well . This one sure cleaned up nice . " The man that had used the whip yesterday came into the tent and was smiling down at her . He lifted her chin and looked into her dark brown eyes . Her lips were full and soft and her skin was light for this part of the country . She looked like she might be of mixed blood . He liked that as they were usually very attractive people . He touched her hair that was nice and soft after being washed and liked the way she stood still and let him look her over . He knew she was trying not to be scared and he liked that . She understood more of what was being said than she let on . In their village some people came from other places and had taught her some words that they said people out side the forest used . " I don 't know . I 've been offered a lot of money for her and that is hard to turn down . I think her value will go up when men see her cleaned up like this . I 'll wait and see what happens at the auction . " Some men had paid for the younger girls and had taken them away . Many wanted Pearl but the Chieftain wasn 't sure he wanted to sell her . There was a tribe to the north , in the mountains , that liked young girls . They paid a lot of money for one that was as pretty as this one . A buyer was here looking for girls and was interested in Pearl . If he could get a good price for her he would sell her . If not he would keep her . Pearl was able to understand enough and felt a deep chill go over her body . She was no longer the beloved daughter of an important man in her village . She was now a slave to be sold to any one that would pay the price . A tear leaked out of one eye and ran down her cheek . Seeing this , the man reached out and wiped it away . " So you do understand some of our words . Do you have any idea what is waiting for you from now on ? " He lifted her chin again and looked deep into those brown eyes . Pearl looked up at this man . He was not too old and had dark hair but very unexpected light brown eyes . Pearl had never seen eyes this light before . He was handsome and seemed nice and must be very powerful and rich . It didn 't matter one way or the other . This was all business to him and it was slowly sinking in to Pearl that she was no longer free to make her own decision . " No longer . The were sold before my men went back to look for you . I have no idea where they all went . I 'm sorry but if I didn 't raid your village some one else would . Our world is changing and the strong always win . " He stared at her for another minute and then turned and left the tent . Pearl tired to explain to the other girls what she knew then sunk down on a fur and turned her back to everyone . She just wanted to be alone . By the end of the day all the girls that came from her village were gone and only Pearl remained . After she ate a lonely dinner she was left alone but knew men were outside the tent watching over her . When she took her sandals off she looked at the small tattoo on the bottom of her foot . It had always been there and her mother told her it was a mark that was put there when she was born by her birth father . He had died and she had remarried and all her siblings were the children of this second husband . Her mother never talked about this man and when Pearl would ask she would sometimes blush then told her it didn 't matter any more so forget it . It was a strange mark . It almost looked like an animal face that was incomplete . Cat ears with a small nose . ^.^ She was told not to show this to anyone in the village and she never did . She almost forgot about it . She curled up and went to sleep . While she slept the Chieftain came in and looked down at her . One foot was uncovered and he noticed a mark on the bottom of her foot . He got down close to the small foot and studied the strange tattoo on her foot . He recognized it and had no idea why it was on her foot . He stared at her for a long time . Then he made up his mind . He had to take her to the mountains as she was marked by the most powerful King in their known world . He would pay well to see this girl . He covered the foot up and left to make plans . The next day Pearl was given a big breakfast and more new shifts and robes . She was cleaned again and dressed with care by the women that had helped before . A small saddle bag was carefully packed with her few belongings . A new hair brush , her new clothes and she was given a gold chain for her neck with a small cat hanging from it with green stones for its eyes . This was all very strange to her but when she was led out and up to a horse she almost fainted . The chieftain helped her up on the saddle on the horses back and got on his own . A small army of his men were escorts leading pack animals . " I hope you can understand what I 'm going to tell you . I 'm taking you to the mountains where a very powerful and rich man rules a large kingdom . You will be a gift to him . It will take us many days to get there as we will go slow for your sake . I hope you won 't be too uncomfortable on the trip . I don 't think you have ridden a horse before but you will get used to it . " Pearl was able to make out enough of what he said to know he was taking her some place and she was to be given to a king . " I 'll try to learn . This horse won 't hurt me will it ? " This was her only worry as it was such a big animal . " No . It is a gentle one and should be easy to ride . We will travel faster using the horses and this will make the trip shorter by many days . " He signaled for the caravan to start and with one look back at this strange place Pearl was not sorry to be leaving . A week later she could see the mountains in the distant . They were beautiful . The were big and some of them had white stuff on the tops and she was told this was snow . She had no idea what that was . The sky seemed bluer and as they came to the foot hills of these mountains she was getting a little excited . She had never been this far from her small village and never had seen such things as she had seen since she was taken . Soon they were beginning to climb a little . Small slopes that were easy to get over . Strange trees she had never seen grew tall and big meadows were filled with wild flowers . It was a very beautiful place . At long last then came to a big gate that they had to travel under . It covered the road and on the top of the gate was the sign of the king . The same sign that was tattooed on her foot . Some of the soldiers whispered to one another and some looked scared . " But that is the sign of the cat people . The king is very powerful and people come here never to be seen again . " One of the soldiers face was white as he talked to his leader . " This is one of the richest kings in the whole country . Many years ago he lost a son when he was on a trip to visit another king . This son must have ended up in your village and was your father . That tattoo on your foot would be there for one reason . To mark you as the daughter and kin of this king . Do you remember your father ? " " No . He was killed when I was very young . After some time my mother took another mate and had more children . She always told me to be careful who saw that mark on my foot . My real father had put it there right after I was born so someday I might be taken home . I didn 't understand that as I felt I was at home . My mother taught me some of the words of my father in case I was ever to find his people . " Pearl looked at the Chieftain . " That is all I know about him . " " I am taking you to your grandfather . I understand he is still alive and will welcome you once he sees the mark on your foot . It was wise of your father to put it there . You are marked as one that belongs to a king . " He smiled down at her as they rode slowly up a path that was leading to the end of their journey . " They don 't understand that you bear the mark of this King . He is very powerful and worships a God that uses cats to do his work . You will learn all about it when you get to your new home . " Pearl thought about all of this and touched the small cat on a chain around her neck . No wonder this man had given her this . He wanted to make sure she was marked by the cat . But were they mean ? The road curved around a hill and when they looked ahead they were in awe of what they saw . Another gate marked this road with the sign of the cat and up ahead they could see a palace that was very big and very beautiful . All along the road were small homes and people came out and looked at this strange group that was coming to see their king . Before they got to the palace a group of guards rode out and asked them what business they had with the king . Pearl was led forward on her horse and a long conversation took place while the guards looked at her . One came toward her and removed her sandal . He looked at the mark on her foot then bowed to her and smiled a big smile of welcome . Pearl sat up a little straighter and smiled back . He hurried back to the group in the middle of the road and told what he had seen . Two riders went to the palace riding fast and the rest led the strange party forward . When they arrived at the gate to the palace they went into a big courtyard where men came forward and helped them dismount and took their horses to a stable . Pearl walked with the Chieftain on one side a big guard on the other side toward the steps to the palace . Before they got there a man dressed in rich cloaks with many jewels and a crown of gold and precious stones came hurrying toward them . His eyes were on Pearl and he seemed very excited . This story is a work of fiction . Names , characters , places , and incidents either are products of the author 's imagination or are used fictitiously . Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons , living or dead , is entirely coincidental .

Stories The Case of the Gold PotThe phone in my office rang three times before I picked it up . It was Ms . Iolanthe , as always . Her tinny voice said to me , " You have a client . " " Who is it ? " I asked , feet propped up on the table and fedora low over my eyes . " He says his name is Adair , " she told me . I could barely hear her voice , even with the amplifier . " He 's a leprechaun . " " Tell him no , " I said and hung up the phone . Even so , a moment later , the door opened up and in walked this red - haired and bearded man in a red jacket , a cocked hat , and buckled shoes . He stood no taller than my waist . " I don 't deal with fae , " I told him quite plainly . He huffed and hopped into the chair in front of my desk and looked around at my shabby office . " Your secretary is a fairy . " He told me a fact I already knew , Ms . Iolanthe was a fairy plain as day to anyone who noticed her ; six inches tall , gossamer butterfly wings , blonde hair up in a bun , dress made out of a petal . " Who I employ doesn 't have anything to do with the cases I take , " I explained . " Now please remove yourself from my office . " It was as polite as I was willing to be with the man and if he tried to resist , I would have to get up and throw him out . I didn 't want to do that , as leprechauns could be quite the vindictive sort if they were mistreated , but it was also illegal for the fae to use their magic to cause harm except in self defense . It didn 't mean he wouldn 't test me on my willingness to go to the cops if I tossed him on his rump . " I can pay , " Adair told me , reaching into his pocket and removing an old , tarnished gold coin . He tossed it to me and I caught it more out of reflex than any desire to hold his money . It was heavy , good gold . I turned it over in my fingers , but didn 't recognize the embossed faces , which seems to be whimsical kobolds . I tossed the coin back to Adair , who snatched it out of the air and made it disappear almost as soon as I could blink . " Not enough , " I told him . He looked around my office once again and I could see him taking note of the cracking paint , the file cabinet which leaned so that the drawers were sliding out under their own gravity , a doctorate in world folklore hanging in a frame missing the glass , the rat trap in a corner with a rat currently sitting on it nibbling the bait peanut butter , and several other signs of my current poverty . " You look like you need it , " he said to me . I pushed my hat lower so that it covered my eyes entirely and I couldn 't see him one bit . " I don 't care what I need , " I told him . " I need you to leave my office . I don 't work for the fae . " " Why not ? What 've you got against us ? " he asked me . His voice , as might be expected from a man half the size of other men , was high and when he complained it took on a distressing whine . It set me on edge and made me grit my teeth . " It doesn 't look like you take cases from normal people either , " he told me quite bitterly . I ignored his remark , despite its harsh accuracy , and pretended to be sleeping for a few minutes . When I heard no indication that he 'd left the room , I removed my hat and sure enough found him still sitting in the chair I 'd last glimpsed him occupying . " You 're still here , " I said with no little bit of annoyance in my voice . " I can 't , " the leprechaun said , a desperate frustration saturating his words that finally at least gained my attention enough to take my feet off the desk . Taking my movement for interest , Adair pressed on . " You see , my situation is quite tricky , " he told me . " I am a most well respected businessman in the city . Were it to get out that my pot of gold had been so brazenly stolen , well , it would be quite an embarrassment for me . A leprechaun that can 't even keep his pot of gold safe ! Well , he 's certainly not someone we trust with our shoes . " I nodded my head . " So you 're that Adair , " I said , confirming my suspicions that the man was actually the owner and operator of Adair 's Fine Footwear , one of the largest shoemakers on the east coast . It had gone through tough times a few years back , but Adair had brought it back to prominence . " I am , so you can obviously see my plight . And why I need someone of your . . . special talents , " he remarked . " You mean you need some poor , broke schlub who won 't be believed if he goes blabbing your secret , " I said . From the bitter expression he made , I figured I guessed right . " And I guess you think the thief ain 't human . " " You 'd be right , " Adair said . " In fact , I know for sure my thief isn 't a human being , because there 's no way a human could get past my guard . You see , there 's no one I could come to more qualified for this case than you . " I sighed and adjusted my hat so it sat loosely on the crown of my head . " Yeah , I can see why you 'd want me . So what are you paying ? " Adair smiled and I didn 't like it much . " Half the coins in my pot of gold , " he told me . " Upon its safe return . " I raised an eyebrow . " Yeah ? Well , I don 't work on promises . I need up front payment . " " You already have one gold coin , " he said , gesturing at my hat . With a sigh I lifted it and the coin I 'd tossed back to him earlier came clattering to the desk . " That 's worth several hundred dollars in gold weight alone to say nothing of the collector 's value of a coin from Lóegaire 's treasury . " I doubted very much the coin was from the vault of that legendary Irish king , nor that there was much way to prove it either way , but he told the truth about the gold . It was enough of a retainer to start on the case , at least . " Fine , I 'll work for you . But you gotta be straight with me . Tell me everything you know . " He started in right from the beginning . The pot of gold was kept in a special vault at the end of a long hall he called the Rainbow Hall , because it used a prism to take a light and turn it into a spectrum over the entire floor . At the end of the hall was his security , a bulky troll named Grundle , who stood in unsleeping guard over the vault . Grundle had caught hundreds of thieves during his time as guard , both human and not , but this one had somehow slipped through without being detected and absconded with the pot . There were no clues that Adair had noticed , but he suspected I might be able to notice something he 'd missed . He also had a suspicion that the pot had been stolen by a vampire named Eclair , as revenge for an old slight he had caused her . " And what exactly is it that this vampire would hold against you ? " I asked him frankly . He shrugged his shoulders , not out of not knowing , but out of disgust at telling me . " I might have turned an old flame of hers back into a human when he caught me and wished it . He didn 't explicitly wish to turn her back into one , and since that was his third wish , I 'd held up my end of the bargain . " I didn 't buy his explanation , but I didn 't tell him that . Him hiding the truth from me was interesting enough to leave alone and see what dividends it could pay later . " Alright , let 's go see this vault then . " We headed out the front door . Ms . Iolanthe gave me a surprised look as we walked out , so I tossed the coin onto her desk . She had to leap out of the way to avoid being hit by it and she yelled obscenities at me as I reached for my coat . " Take that down to the pawn and see how much it 's worth , " I told her . I just shut the door behind me and started heading down the stairs . Adair looked at me sadly . " Pawning it ? It has so much more worth than that . " We took my car to Adair 's place out in the suburbs . I 'd expected he 'd have had a limo driver or something fancy for us , but he reminded me that he was trying to keep a low profile , so he 'd taken a cab to my place . I apologized for the smell and ripped seat , but he didn 't seem to mind . He had a bit less carelessness for the lack of a seat belt , especially as I took some of the turns at high speed . He lived in an old mansion about a half hour outside the city , one that had been built back in Lord Baltimore 's time , though it had gone through enough renovations that I doubted any original lumber still remained . As we reached the porch , Adair pointed at a line of salt stretching across it . " Mind breaking that for me ? " he asked . I kicked my foot through it , sweeping away a section large enough for Adair to walk through . He stepped gingerly past , then glanced back at his broken circle . " I 'll have one of my maids come out and repair it later . " He nodded to my question . " Fae , the undead , all sorts of things . The circle of salt keeps them from getting in , but it keeps me from getting in and out without someone pushing it out of the way . An inconvenience , but necessary for security . " He nodded his head vigorously as he unlocked the front door . " Of course I did . There weren 't any breaks that I found . " " Sounds like it had to be a human , then , " I told him as we walked inside . The mansion was old and creaky , with a musty smell to it . The furnishings were all very old looking , upholstery beginning to come apart . Nearly everything was half the size of regular furniture , all scaled down to the size of a leprechaun . He shook his head at me . " Not possible . No human got into my vault . It 's just not possible . You 'll see . " I nodded once sharply to him , though I didn 't believe him . " Even so , I 'd like to check the circle myself once I get a chance . " He waved his hand dismissively at me . " Of course , you can do that . " He gestured at an old staircase that looked far too rickety for my liking . " But first , the vault . " He bounced up it effortlessly , his feet so light they didn 't even make a sound as he went . Of course as soon as I laid a toe on the bottom stair it creaked like something out of a horror movie , sending a shiver up my spine . I took a good grip on the bannister just in case and tread lightly up the stairs . Motes of dust floated in the beams of light from the dingy window at the top . Adair fidgeted in it , waiting for me to ascend . In the sun , he seemed a bit more shabby than I had noticed before . His red coat was a bit faded and his buttons had a few spots of tarnish . Once I reached him , he started down a hallway and I followed . The hall took several twists and turns , seeming to nowhere , until it finally reached a full ninety degree turn where a strange device had been placed . It was a pedestal with an old shuttered lantern sitting on it . Only one of the shutters was open , allowing a bright light to shine upon a large prism . The prism was angled so that it shined its light down the turn . I took a step ahead of Adair and looked ; the refracted light cast a rainbow on the floor , making a sort of rainbow bridge . " Bifrost , " I muttered to myself , looking down to the troll standing guard in front of the vault . The troll was a big , ugly one , broad shoulders blocking nearly the entire hallway . He had a hunched posture , his legs bent in a slight squat so that his knuckles scraped the floor . The rainbow illuminated his warty , green skin in a motley . He wore a tuxedo , though it didn 't seem to have been properly sized for a troll and fit him poorly . The sleeves were too short , the pant legs too long , the tie tight around his neck . His hair was stringy and unkempt . I walked down the hall , watching as my shadow blocked out most of the rainbow . A poor imitation of Bifrost , I thought , and this Grundle was a poor imitation of Heimdallr . If the troll was watching me , I couldn 't tell . His bloodshot eyes were straight ahead , but unfocused . If not for his heavy breathing , I would have thought him some sort of taxidermied trophy . " Pretty impressive , isn 't it ? " Adair asked , lightly startling me . " Should we go inside the vault ? " I suggested , not wanting to admit that I found the entire setup rather tacky . A rather poor recreation of the myth of a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow . I took a few steps toward the door and the troll made a deep rumble in his chest and turned his face to look at me . His eyes finally focused on me and his lips pulled back , just slightly , in a challenging snarl . Adair laid a hand on my arm . " Don 't worry , Grundle , he 's fine . " He gently tugged my sleeve and pulled me back to the beginning of the hallway . " Now you see how a human can 't get into the vault . " I shrugged . " So you gotta nice guard . It doesn 't mean someone couldn 't get past him somehow . He 's gotta sleep some time . " " He doesn 't , " Adair told me . " Trolls only sleep when the sun is on them , but this hallway doesn 't get any sun in it , see ? " Sure enough , there were no windows in the hall . The only light was from the lamp making the rainbow . " Besides , that 's not what I meant . Grundle , move aside a minute . " The troll grunted and pressed itself against the wall . It didn 't really clear much space , but it was enough for me to see the vault " door " . There wasn 't one . It was just a wall . " What 's the deal ? " I asked . " I 'll show you , watch . " Adair took my hand and stepped forward onto the rainbow . He pulled me along . With every step , I felt myself lose a little cohesion . It made me feel sick to my stomach . The world seemed to become fuzzy around me , almost translucent and unreal . I looked down at myself and Adair . I was still like I 'd always been , as far as I could see , though Adair appeared somehow larger even though he stood no taller than before . With each step we took , the real world became harder to see . Grundle didn 't react as we passed him by . Adair stepped through the wall first and pulled me through , though I flinched a little just before I would have hit it . Once we were on the other side , a sudden rush of pressure hit me and I was slapped back into reality . We were in a small room , no more than ten feet by ten , with old windows allowing light to pour in from three walls . I looked out one , but didn 't recognize anything . " Where are we ? " I asked . " The end of the rainbow , " Adair answered with a big grin . " My vault , where I keep - kept - my pot of gold . " He pointed to a pedestal that came up to about my knees , or perhaps to his waist , that was mostly dusty except for a circle in the middle where the pot had presumably sat . It was the only thing in the room , though I noticed a few other spots along the wall where the paint was darker than the rest . I went up to one of them and examined it . It was a perfect rectangle . " You said the pot was the only thing that was taken ? " I asked . I traced a line in the dust over the dark spot with my finger . It was thick . " Yes , " he said . " You 're noticing where my other valuables used to be , I 'm sure . There was a quite old painting there . After the break in , I moved them elsewhere until the thief is caught , in case she comes back . " I went and inspected the pedestal . It was covered in thick dust , except for where the pot had been . I ran my finger over the empty spot and it came away clean . The pedestal didn 't seem to have been disturbed otherwise . " You didn 't find anything in here that could have been a clue ? " I asked . I made a noncommittal noise in my throat and went back to examining the room . I could make out the outline of footprints in the dust on the floor . A few were mine , a few were Adair 's . There were more of Adair 's than mine , scattered around the room . There weren 't any other footprints that I could see . I checked the windows . They were also dusty and looked like they couldn 't be opened . I checked them anyway , trying to pry one open , but there was nothing . " Careful , don 't break those , " Adair warned me . " Expensive to replace ? " I asked as I checked them . They were old glass , thicker on one end than the other , letting me know they 'd been made quite a while ago . " No , but we don 't want to let the outside in here , " he told me . " The faerie realm . Not a good place for a human to be exposed to . Even you being here is . . . tricky . " I grunted again , but felt perfectly fine . Everything seemed just the same as it had back in the real world . " So we 're in the faerie world . No one could come through the windows and get your pot ? " I nodded , starting to get an idea . " Alright , I 've seen enough of in here . How do we get out ? " There was no rainbow on this side to lead us back out into the hall . " Close your eyes , " Adair told me and I did . There was a brief feeling like a light breeze across my face and when I opened my eyes , we were back in the hall . Grundle was eyeballing me with an expression I couldn 't quite read . It was certainly one I 'd never seen on a troll before . Grundle nodded slowly and I worried I 'd be faced with a dimwitted troll , trying to press him for answers . Adair walked off around the corner and I waited until I couldn 't hear his footsteps any more . It was possible he 'd be listening around the corner , but I decided it was little enough chance to not take a peek . I pulled out a cigarette and lit it , then turned to Grundle and offered him one . He slowly shook his head . " How long have you been working for Adair ? " I asked him . It took him a few seconds to answer , " A long time , " he said , his voice low and full of the rumble of a rock slide . " Thirty years , at least . He contracted me to protect the vault . I 've been here ever since . " " It is a long time , " Grundle answered , his voice flat and tired . " I 've never let anyone inside without Mr . Adair being there . No one has ever gotten past me . " Grundle smiled a little bit at that , showing off a few of his uneven , jagged teeth . " Oh yes . At least a dozen . I 've lost count , to be honest . " I thought about this for a minute , then said , " And did you have to stop anyone coming through recently ? " He shook his head , but gave no further answer . " Did anyone come to the vault with Adair recently ? Say within the past six months . " " You don 't need to , " I pressed , " but you could if you wanted to . " I knew the answer already , of course . A troll couldn 't sleep unless it was out in the sun . When it was in the sun , a troll would turn to stone , only to reawaken when the sun went down . " I can 't sleep , " Grundle said . " I don 't sleep . I haven 't slept since I 've been working for Mr . Adair . " I nodded again and took a long drag of my cigarette , then tapped the ashes onto the floor . A few fluttered down through the multicolored light . " Well , that 's all I got , I guess . You didn 't see anything the night the pot went missing ? " " Only one thing , " Grundle said . " The rainbow went out for a second , but then it came back on . " He shrugged his shoulders . " I didn 't think about it . The wiring here is old , it flickers sometimes . " I started to walk away , but stopped when I reached the corner . I looked back over my shoulder . " This rainbow light , it doesn 't bother you at all ? I know you trolls prefer the dark . " Grundle paused and shrugged his shoulders slowly . " I got used to it a long time ago , " he said . I nodded and walked back through the halls . I found Adair waiting for me back near the staircase to the entrance . I told him I 'd need to talk to the other servants , so Adair rounded them up for me . A few maids , a butler , a driver , a cook . With that line of questioning getting me nowhere , I excused myself . I got the address of this Eclair woman he was sure had been responsible for the theft . Before I left , I walked around the outside of the house , inspecting the circle of salt . The place where I 'd pushed it out of the way for Adair had been repaired , the salt fresh and white . The other salt was browning from dust and dirt , though I suspected it had to be replaced any time there was a rain . There were a few places I could tell the salt had been wind blown , but not enough to break the circle to allow anything in . As I was about to give up this line of inspection , I saw a shadowy woman in all black standing at the edge of the circle . I walked toward her and noticed she was not quite all there ; her clothes were frayed at the edges and pieces seemed to flake off and reappear with each slight gust of wind . She could have been a peasant out of the middle ages . " Have you found anything , detective ? " she asked me as I got nearer . Her voice was hollow and grave , with a whistle like the wind through bare trees in winter . Her hair was long , stringy , and black . Her nails were black and cracked . " I am vâlvă , " she told me . I rubbed my chin . I 'd heard of the vâlve before ; they were Romanian spirits . " A black vâlvă , " I noted . " What do you want with the leprechaun ? " She shook her head slowly . Her hair hung in the air like a dark halo , almost as if she were underwater . " Not the leprechaun . Not him . The one who stole the gold , " she told me . " It was I who led its finders to the vein . It is I who must avenge its theft . " " A vâlvă of the mines , then , " I said , rubbing my chin again . " And now you 've turned into a black one , an evil one . " She didn 't say anything to my statement . " Why are you skulking around here if you should be punishing the person who stole it ? " She looked at me with big , white eyes that were almost empty save for two points in the center . " I cannot get inside . I cannot track the thief . I know it was taken , but that is all . Break the circle for me and I can do it . " " And do what , kill the perp ? " I asked , shaking my head . " Sorry , sister , I 'm here to bring the pot back to Adair , nothing else . I 'm not going to help you . " She stared at me , then turned back toward the mansion . " So be it . But I will discover the thief eventually and have my vengeance . " I walked away from her , back to the front door . The butler answered and then went to fetch Adair . He was surprised to see me , but not surprised about the vâlvă . " She 's been there since the pot was stolen . She wants to come in and do her own search . " I asked him why he hadn 't let her and he seemed shocked at the idea . " I just want my pot back . I certainly don 't want someone killed for simple theft . " I excused myself and drove off to Eclair 's . She lived in the city , in an apartment by the Inner Harbor . It was a nice place , but not too nice . The kind of place a person with a nice job would live , but not someone who really had money . I buzzed up to her apartment , but got no answer . It wasn 't yet dark , of course . She 'd still be sleeping , which was good for me . I waited around the outside of the apartment , smoking cigarettes , until a young woman came up to the apartment . I gave her a friendly nod and waited as she passed by . She didn 't give me a second look and opened the door . As it was slowly swinging closed , I flicked the cigarette away and hurried up the steps after her . I got my hand in the door right as it was closing and slipped inside . The girl stopped and turned to me . " Do you live here ? " she asked . I chuckled , " I 've never seen you before either , but maybe I 'd like to see more , " and gave her a wink . She rolled her eyes and turned away from me and went to the elevator . I turned and went to the stairway . It was a rough trip up to 312 , which was actually Eclair 's apartment . I wasn 't quite in the shape I 'd been as a younger man . After catching my breath , I found her door and knocked , just in case . There was no answer , so I scoped out the halls and then got to work picking the lock . It wasn 't too difficult and no one bothered me , so I slipped inside and took a look around . The apartment was messy , for a woman 's place . The coffee table was covered in opened mail and a half - read copy of the Sun . The television was a small , old box set with a cable box sitting on top . I turned the set on ; it was on a shopping channel . A pair of boots lay on their sides by the couch , while a pair of stockings were laid over the arm . The recliner chair was opened and had a small red stain on it . I meandered into the sparse kitchen . There was a stove and a fridge ; the stove was clean and the fridge was empty . This was a woman who did not receive many visitors . There were dishes in the cupboard , most looked unused except for a small plate off to the side . It had been poorly washed , at the very least , and had some white flakes of dried food stuck to it . I gave them a little taste ; mashed potatoes . I replaced the plate . I went back into the living room and started to poke around . I opened up drawers on cabinets and shuffled through them . For the most part , it was just old mail , bills and records , a few phone numbers and addresses written on wrinkled sheets of paper ( I examined these , but didn 't notice any that seemed worth remembering ) , a date book that was three years old . With the living room a bust , I went into her bedroom . The thick curtains were drawn , though her coffin was shut tight . I unlocked it and hefted it open . She was a pale , pretty girl with light blonde hair and thin eyebrows . She wore only a simple black nightgown that reached down to mid thigh . I closed the lid and made sure it was tight , then flung the curtains open to illuminate the room . Like the living room , it was mildly messy , with dirty clothes tossed into a corner rather than a hamper and clean ones split between the top of the dresser and a disorganized closet . I started to poke through her clothes , casually tossing aside the undergarments to reach the things with pockets . She seemed a modest sort of vampire , with jeans and the like , rather than one of those types that went all - out Victorian . None of the pockets revealed anything noteworthy . Finally I turned to rummaging through her drawers , but aside from a socks , bras , panties , and stowed winter clothing , I didn 't find anything . I only made half an effort to return things as I 'd found them . The girl wouldn 't recognize I 'd been going through her stuff if she kept her place in a state , after all . I was about to give up the snooping when I noticed an empty box sitting tucked off in a corner . It was green and had the words " UV LAMP " in big red letters across the front . I picked it up and examined it . The box had a picture of a snake and an iguana on it , assuring purchasers that it provided a full spectrum of light for basking reptiles . The box was empty and I hadn 't seen any reptiles in the apartment . I put the box back where I 'd found it . I opened the coffin one more time and checked her skin . It was all perfect , pale , the color of tiger lotus petals . I locked it up again and checked the time . It was a few hours until sunset and I was starting to get hungry . I left the apartment building and walked to a local bar . I bought a cheap hamburger and a bottle of Natty Boh , then sat back and enjoyed my meal as best I could and ruminated on everything I 'd learned in the day . I went out to the patio to smoke a cigarette and wait for the sun to set . The waitress came around and got me a second beer , then mostly left me alone for the rest of my wait . I emptied my wallet to pay and leave a tip , which was too small for the service but all I could manage , and headed back over to the apartment . I buzzed up just as the sun dipped below the horizon . I had to try three times before I got an annoyed answer from above . " Who is it ? " Eclair groaned , sounding in tone not unlike myself after a night of hard drinking . I gave my name and told her Adair had sent me and asked if I could come up . After a few moments of hesitation , in which I was sure she 'd tell me to bugger off , she told me to come up with a sigh . I rode the elevator up this time and knocked lightly on the door . Her voice , sounding much more chipper than before , answered , " Just a minute . " When she opened the door , I was actually rather shocked by how much better looking she looked awake . She 'd brushed out her hair , added on some dabs of makeup to cover up her vampiric colorlessness , and put on a simplistic baby tee and hip - hugging jeans . She smiled at me , showing two prominent hooked canines , and invited me into the apartment . She quirked her head to one side and scrunched up her eyebrows . " Caught ? " She laughed , but not at me . When she saw I wasn 't laughing , she asked , " What do you mean caught ? " " Don 't play with me , sister , " I told her . " His pot of gold . You stole it from him , didn 't you ? " She put her hand to her forehead and looked down , but she was smiling . " Someone stole it from him ? " she asked with amusement . " Serves him right . But it wasn 't me . " She looked back up at me . " I can 't even get into his place , you know . He 's got a salt circle around the entire thing . " " You could have had a helper break the circle , " I suggested . " A ghoul ; you vampires have ghouls . " With a glance around her apartment , she shrugged her shoulders . " Do I look like I have a ghoul ? " she asked . " Because I don 't . I didn 't take his pot . Why does he think I did ? " Her cold pale skin flushed a light red color in her cheeks , probably the very last of the blood she 'd had the night before . " He told you that , did he ? " she asked through clenched teeth . " Well , it 's true . I begged him to make me human too , but he told me we 'd caught him once and he 'd filled his end of the bargain . This was years ago , of course . Back in the 18th century , before they let us come here without having to worry about those sorts of things . " " I don 't care when you did it , " I told her . " But that sounds like a pretty good motivation for revenge . You wanted to be human again , he didn 't help you . " She laughed again . " To tell the truth , he did me a favor ! " She smiled at me , wide . " It was so much harder being a vampire back then , but now we 're just another bunch of people . I can go down to the market and buy enough blood to last me a month , or even go down to a club and find a dozen guys willing to doll for me . If he 'd turned me into a human again , I 'd just be a pile of bones and dust . No thanks . " She shrugged her shoulders . " There 's not much to tell . We met at a charity event . I went with my sire , Salvatore , oh . . . About two years ago . Well , Adair noticed me , but didn 't recognize me . I made some small talk , we wound up hitting it off , and soon we were dating . To be honest , he was head over heels for me , but . . . " She sighed and shook her head . " I should have never told him who I was . He wouldn 't have ever remembered . Once I did , thinks changed . He started being suspicious of everything I did , he kept claiming Salvatore had set us up for some sinister reason , that I didn 't really care about him . Things like that . " " Of course it is ! " she snapped . " I actually liked Adair ! He 's charming and nice . But he 's paranoid , after all . He 's had that salt circle around his house even before I met him . Salvatore told me so . " " Salvatore 's your sire ? " She nodded . " And he 's known Adair for a while now ? " She nodded again . " They 're old business partners . Salvatore loaned him the money he needed to start his business , years and years ago . Adair put his pot of gold up as collateral . " She laughed . " Oh , please . That debt was paid off a long time ago . " She shrugged one more time . " But if there was another debt , well . Maybe , I guess , Salvatore might have stolen it . " She shook her head . " But it 's impossible . There 's no way Salvatore could get into the house to take it . Even if he did , there 's no way he could get past the troll . " I rubbed my chin and thought about everything she 'd told me for a moment . " Say he could get past the troll somehow . Could he get into the vault ? " " He 's an old vampire , " she said . " If he turned into mist , he could get in there . Even with that silly rainbow pathway Adair 's got . But like I said , there 's no way he gets past the troll . " I leaned back in the recliner and propped my feet up . " That 's true . You know the troll well ? " I asked . " Would he tell a lie ? Or accept a bribe ? " " What do you think about your sire ? He the type who would raise some sort of convoluted plan to get the pot ? " I asked her . I already knew he would be ; he was a vampire , after all , and vampires loved the convoluted mess . But I wanted to hear her answer . The unexpected question took her aback . She stuttered for a moment , before shaking her head and saying , " No . " " Does Salvatore ? " " A cat , " she said , " I think . Why ? " I didn 't answer her , but instead asked , " Do you know what a vâlvă is ? " What little color there was drained from her face , but she shook her head . " No , " she answered firmly . " A nasty spirit , they come for people who steal gold that was given from the mines they protect . Gold like from Adair 's pot . One 's trying to find out who stole the pot and get vengeance for it . " Eclair 's eyes went wide . " You know , I don 't think they 'd bother with an accomplice , but a mastermind . . . Well , unless they have to come after the accomplice to get to the mastermind . I 'd be careful , if I were you . If Adair tells it you were behind the theft , it 'll come after you I 'm sure . " I stood up and started to leave , then stopped at her door . " You know , I believe you didn 't have anything to do with stealing the pot , " I told her . " But Adair thinks you did . " I waited for her to say something , but she didn 't . " I think if you want to be safe , you 'd better come with me , talk to Adair in person . Smooth things over . " " I don 't think that 's necessary , " she said hesitantly . " You don 't ? " I asked seriously . " Adair seems to think you were behind it pretty strongly . He said he wouldn 't get the vâlvă involved , but if I come back and tell him you weren 't the one responsible , he 'll ask me what other leads I have and I 'll say none . And then he 'll think that a pretty girl like you , she 's got ways to keep me quiet . Then maybe he tells the vâlvă and she comes after you . . . " She looked around nervously . I could tell she didn 't want to go with me , despite the threat to her , but that she couldn 't just keep saying no without a good reason . " You got something to do tonight ? " I asked her to interrupt her thinking . " No , " she said , before she really thought about the answer , and I could tell she wished she 'd said yes . She lowered her eyes . " Fine , I guess you 're right . I 'll go . " " You got a car ? " I asked her . " I don 't have cash for a cab . " No point in wasting my gas if I could waste hers . She did and we walked a block to where she 'd parked it . We made the trip in silence , though she turned on her radio to listen to the O 's game as we drove . I didn 't pay attention , I 'd never been much of a baseball fan . We got to Adair 's place at almost 9 . Even though it was dark , I could see the vâlvă creeping around the boundary of the circle . I stooped down and scooped a bunch of the salt into my hand , sticking it in my pocket as I walked through . Eclair followed me up to the house and I knocked . A servant answered and was surprised to see Eclair , but let us both in once I said so . I turned back and nodded at the vâlvă , who was inspecting the break in the circle . I don 't know if she noticed me or not , because I stepped inside before she could do anything else . The maid brought Adair a few minutes later . His own eyes went wide at seeing Eclair and she remained stiff and avoided looking at him . " What 's going on ? " Adair asked . " I caught the thief , " I said to him . His eyes went wider , then quickly smaller , and he looked at Eclair . " So it was her ? " he said , not at all pleased with finding out he was right . " Yes , " I said and Eclair jumped up , mouth agape . I smirked at her . " Just a lie , miss . I knew it was you all along . Don 't think I 'm stupid , " I said . " You were gunning for Adair the moment you saw him at that function . You might not care about being a human any more , but Adair still embarrassed you all those years ago . You wanted to embarrass him back and what better way than seducing him and then dumping him ? Of course , when you were going to have your moment of triumph , and tell him everything , he turned the tables on you . " " You expected him to say he was sorry , and then you 'd tell him you bet he was , but that you hadn 't forgotten , and then dump him as he begged you to stay . But instead he got angry and thought the whole thing was a setup . He kicked you out , so you had to go to another plan . . . Steal his pot , embarrass him that way . " " It 's true , " I said to Adair . " She 's behind it all . " I looked up at the murky figure lurking in the shadows and gently raised my hand , bidding it wait a bit longer . It remained motionless . I turned back to Adair . " I don 't know where she hid the pot , but I think we go out and tell the vâlvă and we should get our information in a few minutes . " " It 's not true , " Eclair said , turning angrily to me . " I told you everything I knew ! I didn 't take his pot ! You told me we were coming so Adair didn 't sic the vâlvă on me ! I 've told you everything I know ! Why would I come here if I was the one really behind it ? " I smiled as the final pieces all came together in my head . " She tried not to , " I said . " She kept saying no , but couldn 't come up with an excuse . So she finally came because if she begged off , it would look suspicious . " I turned to the vâlvă waiting in the shadows . " Vâlvă , why don 't you come and punish the thief ? " As the vâlvă got closer to her , Eclair shrank back away , pushing herself down into the couch as if she could simply vanish into it . Her eyes were wild and wide and she looked at Adair for salvation . " Stop him ! " she cried . " Please ! I didn 't do it ! I swear ! Adair , stop ! " Adair laid his hand on my arm and gripped it with urgency . " Now , listen , I don 't want anything like this happening in my house . Surely the girl 's words are enough for you to believe ! If she was behind it , she 'd tell us , wouldn 't she ? " " You 're right , " I said so softly that it seemed no one heard me . The vâlvă hesitated , though , and turned to look at me . Then it seemed both Adair and Eclair had heard my words and looked at me too . " Eclair didn 't steal the pot . You did . " I extricated myself from his grip and fished out a cigarette . " You stole your own pot , Adair . It 's the only explanation that makes sense . " " Something ill did happen to it , or at least ill was being done with it , " I explained . " You see , Adair was sure it was Eclair who stole the pot from him . He told me so right from the beginning and told me the story about her boyfriend from all those years ago to prove she had motive . But he left out the part about them dating ? Why ? A jilted lover would have given just as much motive for revenge as anything else . " Then there was Grundle , who doesn 't sleep and would never miss an intruder . He 's also honest ; he 's been guarding that vault for thirty years and hasn 't slept a wink . He wouldn 't have let anything by and wouldn 't have taken any sort of bribe either . He had to be telling the truth that no one but Adair ever got into the vault . " I took a drag from my cigarette and let it hang in my lungs as the gathered digested my words . The look in Adair 's eyes told me he knew what I was building toward , though he held out hope I 'd get something wrong that he could beg off . " Then there was the vault itself . There were spots on the wall where paintings had once hung , and others where other valuables had been kept . The walls around where they 'd been kept were faded from the sunlight , but the spots were still dark . Adair told me he 'd moved everything out after the theft , as a precaution . " But where could he move something that 'd be safer than the vault , even if it had been broken into . And the thief already took what he 'd wanted , the pot , so why think he 'd come back for the stuff ? Plus there was dust on the walls where those other valuables used to be , but there was no dust where the pot had sat . So the other valuables had been taken out long before the pot had been . " Put that together with the shabby state of this mansion and I realized that Adair had been hard up for money recently . He 'd sold the other valuables to pay someone . But I didn 't know who until I talked with Eclair . " You see , Eclair told me about Salvatore and how he once loaned Adair some money with the pot as collateral . She said Adair paid that loan off , which may be true . But when his business was going through that rough patch a few years back , Adair borrowed some more . Except this time , he couldn 't pay it back . He would have had to give up the pot . Eclair suggested that if Adair refused , Salvatore would steal the pot from him . " Adair snapped his fingers and said , with far too much enthusiasm , " Yes ! That must be it ! Salvatore stole it ! " I glared at him . " Let me finish . You know damn sure that 's not true . Salvatore wouldn 't do anything without a contract , he 's a vampire . They 're always good about that sort of thing . He didn 't need to steal anything . He could have just gone to court to get it , or whatever piece of business he wanted from you . " You couldn 't let that happen . You didn 't have anything else to sell to make your loan repayment , so you got desperate . You stole your own pot , knowing that a vâlvă was protecting the gold in it . You came to me , thinking I 'm a poor , broke detective so I must be dumb , and I 'd be easy to mislead into doing what you wanted . You wanted me to pin the blame on Salvatore , so the vâlvă would go after him and kill him and get you out from under the debt . You 'd be free of blame , too , since no one would question it if I came out and said the vâlvă had killed him because he stole the pot . " And Eclair here was in on it . She was too eager to tell me about her past relationship with you and Salvatore . He 's supposed to be her sire , but she sold him out without me having to even try . People don 't do that , not for nothing , so I knew she was in your pocket somehow . Maybe she loves you , maybe you told her you 'd turn her back into a human if she helped , maybe she was just in it for money . Maybe she just hates Salvatore after all these years . " When I mentioned the vâlvă to her , she wasn 't surprised to hear about it . She knew what it was , but she knew that she 'd never get implicated if everything went according to plan , but she also knew that if she didn 't go with me it 'd make me suspicious of why she wouldn 't do everything to keep herself safe , especially after I told her I thought she was innocent . So she had to come with me here . " I said she was behind everything to see your reactions . She didn 't try to convince Adair that she was innocent ; he already knew she was . She tried to convince me and the vâlvă . And Adair , if she was really responsible for the theft , you knew the vâlvă wouldn 't let her go unpunished anyway , so asking me to stop the vâlvă let me know that you knew she was innocent . If you knew that , you knew who the real criminal was . And the only way you 'd know that is if you were the one behind the theft the entire time . " I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for them to react . Adair had gone pale beneath his red garb and hair . He made a good match with Eclair now , in skin tone . The vâlvă remained silent , standing impassively , staring at Adair , waiting for a final confirmation before striking . Eclair was the only one who had already decided things were over . She had her head down and sat with her hands folded in her lap . I smiled and nodded my head . " Yeah , I thought about that . Why didn 't Grundle mention that ? Except he never did see anything , because he was turned to stone when it happened . " " But there doesn 't need to be , " I explained . " Grundle mentioned that the rainbow went out for a minute , then came back on . He thought it was just a flicker from the bad wiring in this place . But it wasn 't . Someone switched the bulb in the lamp really quickly , replaced it with a UV bulb . " " A UV bulb , " I said . " They usually use them for pet snakes and lizards , to give them something to sun themselves under . I found the empty box in Eclair 's apartment . I have to admit I broke in before I had a proper chat with her , while she was sleeping . You see , the reason trolls turn to stone in sunlight is from the UV light . It 's the same reason vampires burn themselves . Except the thing is , Eclair didn 't have any burns on her . She would have had some signs of burning if she 'd been the one to use the lamp . " The box might have been there for me to find . To throw me off the scent and think she 'd bought it for her boss or something . It might have fooled me if not for all the other incongruities . She gave the bulb to Adair , who plugged it into the lamp at the prism . It kept the rainbow on the floor , so that he could get into his vault , but it also turned Grundle to stone so that he wouldn 't be seen . After taking everything , Adair replaced the bulb and to Grundle , it just seemed like a brief flicker . " I looked at Adair and Eclair . They were both silent , faces hanging low . The vâlvă hung over them like a curse . " So I guess I 'm not going to get paid any more , " I said to Adair . He looked up at me and gave me a black smile . " I suppose not , " he said . " Too bad , " I said . I turned to the vâlvă and said to her , " You 're a black vâlvă , the ugliest and evillest of all the vâlvă . But if you take your revenge , you turn back into the vâlvă of the mines that you were before . So it 's not my place to tell you how to take your revenge or not . " The vâlvă remained silent and I started to walk away . As I reached the front door , I heard Adair say , " We can run , Eclair . Let 's run away together . " I closed the door before I could hear her answer . When I crossed the spot I 'd cleared off earlier , I took the handful of salt from my pocket and reconnected the circle of salt . Nothing magical could get in , now . Nothing could get out either .

" What ? What the hell time is it ? " Clement unwrapped the cord for the cell phone charger from his arm and sat up to look at his alarm clock . " Clement unplugged the cell phone and tucked the end of the charger cord behind the bedside table . He got up and walked over to the closet . " Yeah , I should have been . " " I believe it . You 've got a lot on your mind . You 've got a friend in jail accused of murder and an unreliable car . " " I can 't talk to her first thing this morning because I need to take care of some things in the office . We 've been getting some weird calls lately and I feel like I should see what 's going on . I wasn 't in yesterday and Jeff was gone yesterday and , obviously , won 't be in today either . Is Jeff coming in today ? " " Everything ? Longer than both of us have left on Earth . I can probably get a handle on these weird calls and put a couple of irons in the fire by noon . You want me to meet you there ? " Clement drained the day - old coffee into a large pitcher and dumped it down the sink before dismantling and washing the coffee urn . He wrapped his index finger in a soapy paper towel and scrubbed inside each piece . " Why the hell are these people calling and asking for things we don 't sell ? " He remembered how his mouth had watered when the woman described the sausages filled with chicken , green pepper and kalamata olives and Jeff saying , " I wish we did sell those . " He rinsed the pieces and set them on a three - layer stack of paper towels to air - dry . Opening the refrigerator , he found a can of Red Bull , which he took , and the last half of a tuna sandwich bearing impressions of the eater 's fingers , which he did not . Sitting down at his desk , he popped the top on the can , set it on the upper left corner of the blotter , and pulled his Rolodex closer . " Yeah , Mike ? This is Clement Powell . Yeah , like you know a lot of other Clements . You ever hear of sausages with chicken , green peppers and kalamata olives in them ? Who 'd know about them ? Some woman called me and asked if I could track them down for her and she 'll pay me extra . I dunno . I think they sound good too . Yeah , I 'll let you know if I find them . Thanks . " He flipped several cards forward . " Eco Meats . Who the hell is Eco Meats ? Must have been from a trade show . " He continued to look through cards but kept coming back to Eco Meats . He dialed . " Yeah , you 're gonna think I 'm crazy but I 'm looking for some sausages made with chicken , green peppers and kalamata olives . Do you have anything like that ? You do ? Oh , this is Clement Powell from Rockin ' Rooster . Yeah , the plain breaded chicken strips . How many to a package do the sausages come ? Really ? What else do you have ? With curry and apples ? Well , it doesn 't grab me but I 'm more of a Nathan 's Finest guy . Could you fax me over a price list ? No , I 've got somebody calling me wanting to know if I can order them and she 'll pay me extra . No , I 've never thought about jumping ship . No no , just send me the price list . Yeah . 555 - 4166 . Got it ? " Clement hung up the phone and put a paper clip on the Rolodex card for Eco Meats . Then he called the woman from King Foods and told her he was waiting on a price list and he 'd be in touch and yes she was very welcome and no he hadn 't thought of selling the sausages himself instead of the chicken strips which weren 't very good . She thanked him again , he hung up , he picked up the Red Bull , turned off the lights and went downtown to talk to Mari . The room Mari , Clement , and Buzz now sat in was light green . It was otherwise indistinguishable from the blue one the two men had visited the day before . Even the coffee in the cups appeared to be the same . " Because I never have time to go to the beach . I 'm always working or I have to drag someone like Jeff along who hates being there and gripes the whole time . I figured that this time I had an excuse to be out of town and while I was going on a trip anyway I might as well stop at the beach . " " Anywhere . Everywhere . CSI or Matlock or Columbo . You can 't go right to ' Did you kill him ' . You have to ease into it . You know , lead up to it a little more . " Buzz put his coffee cup on the table and stood up . He was just a little taller than Mari when everyone was on their feet but now he was the only one standing . " We 're not going to do it that way , Mari . Because this is my room and I 'm asking the questions so I get to decide how things are done but also because I don 't know just that you and Aaron were still seeing each other . You 're not the first person I 've talked to so I know a lot of things . I know about the Millennium Prize and that you had your eye on winning it . " Mari looked daggers at Clement but Buzz continued , " I know you 're smart enough to be working on one of the problems and to possibly solve it . Jeff knows too . " Mari put her hands on top of her head . " He doesn 't know you 're seeing Aaron but he does know you 're a lot smarter than you 've been pretending to be . That 's one scam you won 't be running any more . " " It wasn 't a scam . Yeah , I 'm smart and yeah I hid it but you don 't get it . When people know you 're smart they expect you to act smart all the time . That takes a lot of energy and sometimes I just didn 't have it . Everybody does stupid things sometimes but once people know you 're smart they don 't let you get away with that . " " They don 't let you get away with murder either . Even setting people up for murder takes more intelligence than most people have . Agatha Christie couldn 't pull it off so what makes you think you can ? " " I think you do . You 're looking at Clement and I think that 's a good thing . It 's only right that you finally pay attention to the dumb goat you intended to hang everything on . " " Sit down . I 'm asking the questions in this room . " Clement , started to intervene but Buzz gave him a hard look and he sank back into his chair . After a moment , Mari sat down as well . " You 're the one who told Jeff that Aaron had nude photos of you . You knew that Jeff would want them back and you knew he was too much of a coward to either confront Aaron or to go in and get them himself . What he would do is pass the job along to his good friend , the supreme gentleman , Clement . But Clement wouldn 't just barge right into the office and toss things around looking for the photos . Clement would be seen in the area a lot while he was researching Aaron 's schedule and determining the best time and the best way to go in . He might even talk with the man himself to get a better feel for how best to do this job for you . You knew all that because you did research yourself and you knew that not only is Clement a good friend but he 's a sucker for anyone in trouble . " " No . You 're wrong about all of that . Your wife should be the one getting out of town because you 're the one who 's completely irrational . " " Because he didn 't care about me the way Clement did . Clement wanted to know how I was going to get home and whether I had a safe place to be and Jeff asked me none of those things . I wanted to talk to someone who really gave a damn about me . " " No . That 's a pretty story but I don 't buy it and I hope Clement doesn 't buy it either . You called to thank him for going after the pictures because you knew that , if he hadn 't retrieved them yet , your call would be just the spur to get him moving . You called him to help alleviate any doubts he might be having about the whole thing . " " No , I think I was silly . Silly and stupid and pathetic . Only somebody who was all of those things would have been an attractive target for you . Jeff was in love with you and you didn 't pick him . He wasn 't desperate enough for your attention , I guess . " Mari stood and walked to the wastebasket . She dropped the half - full cup into the can and a little of the coffee splashed up onto the wall . " You 're not so innocent in all this . You were always hanging around us waiting to see what would happen . Maybe you were hoping Jeff and I would split up and you 'd get a chance with me or maybe you just got your jollies imagining what went on after Jeff and I left you in the living room at the end of the night . You 're not just pathetic ; You 're also a voyeur . " " This is entertaining as well as educational , " Buzz broke in , " but you still didn 't answer the original question of whether or not you killed Aaron Whittaker . You might as well have after all the work you went to covering your butt . You set Clement up and then he gave you an excellent alibi by telling you to get out of town . So , did you do it ? " Mari sat down at the table again . She leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs at the ankles . She looked at the two men . Low , muffled voices came through the wall from the room on their right . A phone rang five times before it was answered . " Did I kill Aaron Whittaker ? " She smiled and shrugged . " The honest answer ? Not really . " " No , I didn 't . So if that was the cause of death then I didn 't kill him and whatever I may or may not have done before that is irrelevant . Right ? " She uncrossed her legs , folded her arms across her chest and smiled again . Clement placed his hand beside Mari 's but didn 't take it . " Mari , I 'm sorry for what I said before but I was really hurt when I found out you were just using me as a cover for Aaron 's murder . Don 't you want to help us find out who killed him ? " Mari slipped her hand into Clement 's . She squeezed it and looked at him with soft eyes . Clement squeezed back . She increased the pressure and her gentle smile became a sneer . She dropped Clement 's hand . " Why no , Clement , I don 't particularly want to help you find out who killed my ex - boyfriend . Why the hell should I care who killed him ? He was my ex - boyfriend , emphasis on the word ' ex ' . Yeah , we still saw each other now and then and he was okay to talk to about math or science or gadgets but I didn 't love him , I didn 't like him and I don 't give a rat 's hindquarters who killed him as long as everyone is clear on the fact that it wasn 't me . " " No , I didn 't . " She stood and walked to the wall and back . " All right , maybe I did tell you that in a roundabout way but I didn 't have any reason to kill him . All right , maybe that 's not entirely true either but I didn 't kill him . Look at me ! Do I look big enough to be able to sever someone 's spinal cord with a shovel ? Especially somebody who was fighting with me ? " " You can do anything if you get enough leverage . Buzz , isn 't that what you told me when we were in Aaron 's office ? " Buzz nodded . " And I don 't believe Aaron was fighting with you when he was killed . They found his body in almost the same spot he 'd been in when I left him earlier that night . " " Well , I didn 't do it . I didn 't cut off anybody 's head with a shovel whether you think I could or not . Maybe I did something else and maybe I didn 't but you 're not gonna find out either way unless I get some promises . " " Yeah , I should have . ' Woulda shoulda coulda ' as my mother always says . But I didn 't . It doesn 't matter . I didn 't say anything I can 't deny later . I didn 't say anything you can hold me to . The only thing I said for sure is that I did not kill Aaron Whittaker . I don 't like the way this conversation is going and since I 'm not under arrest and I have other things I 'd like to do today , I would like to get the hell out of here . " Buzz knocked on the wall beside the door and Mari was let out . Clement saw a gray - haired man come forward and take her arm . " She 'll probably get everything she wants , " Buzz said , when the door was closed . " Now , you 're confusing me . I gotta ask Sylvia something . You wanna wait out here in a nicer chair in a room that actually has windows ? " The two men went into the larger room and Clement selected a chair and a magazine . Buzz walked over to Sylvia 's desk . " Do we have the toxicology report on Aaron Whittaker ? Also stomach contents ? " " Aaron told me he had a migraine . It 's a little weird that he was in his office instead of home or somewhere more comfortable but maybe this was the place he felt the most at home . Or maybe it came on pretty quickly and he didn 't feel able to drive anywhere else . " " My aunt had migraines that would lay her out . She couldn 't talk , she couldn 't eat , she couldn 't walk . The only thing that helped her feel better was puking . " He took him back to Brad and Vicky and the A & W . Except it wasn 't Brad today ; it was a red - headed kid named Tanner who was even less ept than Brad . Vicky , who was in charge for the moment , supervised the making of three BLTs before one passed her muster . Both men ordered root beer floats and Clement rocked Buzz by asking for a large Coney Island . " I wouldn 't go that far . I came out here the other day after I had lunch at the school . I was hoping some real food would help me recover from the sloppy Joe I 'd had at lunch but then I didn 't have the nerve to put any fast food on top of it . " " You know what ? I think it 's a little early in our relationship for you to be psychoanalyzing me . Usually that kind of thing doesn 't happen until two people have slept together which you and I aren 't gonna . I wouldn 't say I was the black sheep , I would say people were disappointed . They thought I was smart and they thought I was probably gonna do great things with my life and make the world a better place for all living things and it didn 't happen . I haven 't made the world a better place and what I do is sell chicken strips that are generally acknowledged to be nasty . " " How do you feel about selling nasty chicken strips ? " Buzz was smiling . " You said you had another question about Aaron Whittaker . You 've done your part ; I 'm sitting here with a BLT . Fire away . " " He could have walked over . He didn 't live far from the office . That 's probably one of the reasons he chose the new complex when he moved the office from downtown . " " Yes , when Whittaker 's father started the business it was right near the center of town . That was partly so customers could find him and partly because at that time that 's all the town there was . A few years ago the powers that be determined the old building could be more useful as condos and everybody had to go . Aaron decided to take advantage of the situation by moving into the new complex which was a medium walk from his home . " " That means he went to the office before the migraine got really bad . Why ? I mean , yeah it was dark there and quiet but why go to the office . " " Not a place I would choose or many other people would for that matter . But , like you said , it was dark and quiet . It had familiar and comforting things in it , stuff that had belonged to his dad . Mostly , I 'm guessing , it was the idea that it was a controlled environment . Nobody knew he was there or expected to see him there so he could be left to recover without anyone bothering him . " " ' Nothing worth killing anyone over ' . Like if he 'd had different rocks in his office there would be justification for his being dead now . Like there 's a good reason for killing someone , for cutting their head off with a shovel . " Brad and Vicky had competed an order for a family of five and they slid the trays across the counter towards them . Each parent picked up a tray and the mother gathered the children around her and urged them , duck - like , to a table on the far side of the restaurant . " It doesn 't matter . It 's the senselessness of the whole thing . One day you 're talking to a man about good and evil and Saul and David and the next day you find out someone cut his head off . The fathers go out to get food for their chicks and they come back to discover a bird ate them and it was a waste of time . " One of the little boys looked at their table and giggled . His mother , following his eyes , tapped his cheeseburger sternly . " Okay , you 're scaring mothers and children and you 're starting to sound like Jeff . I 'm not saying it isn 't hard to find out someone you knew has been murdered and I 'm not saying you 're wrong to be angry or even scared about all this . But let 's figure out who did it so you can feel at least a little satisfaction on that count . " They chewed and swallowed in silence . KC declared that was the way , presumably answering an unheard question regarding his preference , he liked it . The little girl tussled with her older brother over a French fry . Their father said something low and decisive . The girl slumped back against the booth . " I can see why your family was disappointed because even when you 're not paying any attention to what you 're saying you still come up with something that makes sense . " " There again , I don 't see how Aaron could have been a danger to anybody . The man was in extreme pain . He couldn 't even reach up to the desk to get his own thermos of coffee . " " I don 't know . Can you fake a migraine ? Women have been accused of faking things but I 've always heard there was a purpose to what they did . What would be the benefit of holing up in a dark room and lying on the floor if you weren 't actually sick ? I guess we could check with people who knew him and find out whether he actually suffered from migraines . Maybe Mari would tell you something if you promise her enough . " " She 's someone else 's problem right now and I 'm willing to keep it that way . Besides , everything we 've seen so far has been consistent with the reality that he was suffering a migraine . He was in the dark , he was lying down , he was drinking coffee , he made disturbing noises when he tried to sit up , and he hadn 't eaten much all day . " " So , we can assume he hadn 't already thrown up or he would have been feeling better ? " The family was leaving now and as they were passing Clement 's table , the smaller of the boys mimed making himself vomit . His mother swatted him with the hand not holding the tray of garbage . " Who called 911 ? Who called the police or whoever and said ' Hey , I found a dead body in this office ' ? Was it one of the cleaning people ? " " Sure . " He came back empty - handed to hear Buzz signing off a phone call . " Tanner says they do but since we seem like we 're okay he wouldn 't recommend it . Vicky suggested a frozen mocha dessert type thing . " " Patience , my good man . All will be revealed . She didn 't show up for work for two days but she did call in on the second day and say she was very sorry but she was having some drug problems and she planned to go into rehab so please don 't fire her . When they did sit down and talk with her in person she had a very interesting story to tell indeed . Before we talk with her , however , we need to pay a visit to my old friend Dr . Phillips . " Dr . Phillips filled three cups with coffee and gestured to the sugar . " I have milk too but maybe you 'll be a little hesitant to take things out of the refrigerator here . " Buzz helped himself to some milk and held the small carton to Clement who shook his head vigorously . " I have to say I take exception to all this I 'm reading about this young man being decapitated with a shovel . " " How do you figure that , Doc ? A man 's head is attached and then it 's detached . It didn 't happen by itself ergo he was decapitated . " " But it wasn 't completely detached . It would be almost impossible to remove someone 's head with a shovel . There 's a very tough assembly of muscle and bone in the spine a person would have to cut through . They 'd have to be incredibly strong . " " Clement was taking a nap in his hash browns a few nights ago over at the Shari 's . He didn 't seem to be drunk or on drugs so we gave him a ride to the bus stop . What 're you doing here , Clement ? " Clement and Buzz walked over to where Josh 's partner sat with Dolores . Keeping one eye on Dolores , the man stood and extended his hand to Clement . " We met the other night but it looks like there 's been a serious change of circumstances . I 'm Gary Roberts . " Clement shook his hand and nodded to Buzz . " Buzz and I know each other already . How 's it going ? " There was a wail from behind Gary . " Why are you all standing around and making new friends ? Doesn 't anyone remember me ? I 'm the one you should be talking to . " Josh came in with three cups of coffee . " Gentlemen , may I introduce the woman formerly known as Dolores Aceveda . " He handed a cup to Gary and set another just out of Dolores 's reach . He set the third on the desk in front of him and began adding sugar . " Why didn 't you just stab him with some scissors ? There 's scissors all over the place . " It was Dolores 's office . They were sitting in the outer room and Clement could read " Bliss In A Basket " on the door with the second line " Aceveda and Davidson , Props " just beneath the first . Spools of ribbon hung from rods along one wall , their tails waving brightly whenever there was sufficient breeze . Baskets , large and small , were piled along another wall . The fragrance of the handmade soaps and lotions nearly blotted out the smell of the not quite stale but definitely past fresh coffee in the cups Josh had carried in . Buzz grabbed two chairs , put one behind Clement and sat on the other . " Can we start at the beginning ? Were you angry with Aaron Whittaker for any reason ? " Dolores sighed again and took another sip of coffee . She gestured at Clement . " I see this man around this neighborhood several times . I know all the people who work here so I start to wonder why he is here . Then one day he comes into the building - a friend called me and I was at the elevator and ready to intercept him - and he is wearing coveralls and pretending he works for Mr . Gomez . I know Mr . Gomez would never hire someone like him and he is lying about why he is here . Mr . Gomez had to work very hard to get this building to clean and I know people were not happy when he did so I have been waiting for someone to come and try to take it away from him . " " I don 't understand , " Buzz said . " Why is it so important for you to have Mr . Gomez cleaning this building ? Why do you care who does it as long as they do a good job ? " " Because I work in an office and Mr . Gomez cleans the building . I was in an elevator in a building downtown before it was torn down and I saw him there and suddenly I was in love with him . I tried to forget him and they tore down the building and I thought I would be fine because I would never see him again . Then I heard he was trying to get the contract for this building and I was so happy because I would see him when I came to work . He would say ' Hello ' to me in the hallway or when he came to empty the wastebaskets . He hired more people and he only came by once in a while but it was enough . Then this man came and he and Aaron were trying to get the building taken away from my Mr . Gomez . " " All the time I try to talk with Aaron about the building and how I want him to put in a good word for Mr . Gomez and all the time he is busy with his own work . Then one night I come here late at night and his door is a little bit open . The lights are off and he always locks the door so I know he must be in there alone . " " No . He was just looking at me and he didn 't move and he didn 't say anything . So I told him again . ' I need to talk with you about Mr . Gomez and the cleaning . ' And he still didn 't say anything but he turned his head toward the window . " " He said to me , ' If you love me and you love Mr . Gomez and you love your people , you must kill this man . ' I said , ' Aaron , God is telling me I have to kill you to save the building for Mr . Gomez . What should I do ? ' " " No , he still said nothing and God said , ' He can 't hear me because he doesn 't believe . You pray to me and I answer your prayers but this man doesn 't answer you when you are physically in the same room with him . I talk with you because I care for you but this man cares so little about you that he turns his head away when you speak to him . " " I said , ' Aaron , why won 't you talk to me ? I thought we knew each other but now you don 't even recognize me . Why are you looking out the window instead of at me ? ' " " And God said , ' He doesn 't look at you because he feels you are not worth looking at . He has no respect for you or for your people . You must rise up and kill him so people like him will learn to respect you and your people and so Mr . Gomez will be safe . When you do this thing , I will give you a new name . Your name will no longer mean sadness but miracle . ' God told me he would give me the name ' Milagra ' and I would not be Dolores anymore because I made a miracle happen for me and for Mr . Gomez and for the Mexican people . " Her eyes were shining with tears and Clement realized she wasn 't feeling any regret for what she had done . Dolores looked up at the ceiling . " I knew that if God asks you to do something then you need to do it fast . I remembered how he told Abraham that a sacrifice would be provided and I knew if he wanted me to sacrifice Aaron then he would give me a weapon . I looked around and I saw the shovel shining by the door . " " You never thought about walking out the door and just keeping going ? Did you hear anyone outside ? " Clement was thinking of Jeff saying he had almost gone into the building but got scared and left . If he 'd actually come in , could he have saved Aaron 's life ? Would Dolores have attacked him too or could he have fought her off and called the EMS to counteract the drink Mari had given him ? " God said he would give me a new name and I picked up the shovel and went over to Aaron . Maybe I ran because when he came back with the shovel he was closer to the door than I remembered . He was lying there and the shovel was shining and his face was shining and when I saw his face like that I felt the strength of God flowing through my body and through my arms and a smaller voice in my heart said , ' Look how his face is shining . You 're going to be sending him home to God . ' " Milagra 's face was shining too but it looked as if she was lit up by a spotlight from the inside rather than streetlights on the outside . " I saw his face shining and I felt the power of God in my body as I lifted the shovel and I brought it down with all the strength of God . Then I saw his head sitting on the blade of the shovel and he looked like John the Baptist and I knew he was with God . " She took another sip of coffee . " That 's a good story , Milagra , but I wouldn 't count on God being too happy with you , " Josh said . " Forgiving sin is one thing but I 've never heard of him looking kindly on failure . " Milagra 's eyes widened and Clement thought she looked upset for the first time since she 'd begun relating what happened . " Yeah . You see , you didn 't do what God asked you to do . You didn 't cut off Aaron Whittaker 's head . We talked to the coroner and he told us the spine wasn 't severed . You have to slice all the way through the spine for it to count as decapitation . " " Whether you killed him or whether you didn 't is something a judge is going to have to decide . Aaron Whittaker wasn 't ignoring you ; He was in a diabetic coma . If you 'd called 911 and gotten some people in here to help him there 's a good chance we 'd be celebrating you as some kind of a hero right now . You might even get a city holiday with your name on it . " " No . I 'm not sure whether I should say ' I 'm sorry to tell you ' but the fact is you didn 't . In order to cut all the way through the spine you 'd have to be a lot stronger or a lot crazier than you are and maybe both . You haven 't saved Mr . Gomez any trouble either . " Milagra threw the coffee at Josh and put her hands over her face . " We 'll be looking into whether or not he knew you planned to kill Aaron Whittaker and if he was involved in your unnecessary mission to save his job . He may not lose any contracts he already has but I 'm guessing it will be hard for him to get any new ones . " Milagra wrapped her arms around herself and started rocking on the chair . " Oh , Mr . Gomez . Mr . Gomez , I 'm so sorry . Oh , Mr . Gomez . " Clement was at his desk , making notes , and he looked up when Jeff walked in . " There 's coffee in the big pot . I thought you could use some . It 's been a hell of a week , hasn 't it ? " " I wouldn 't know . I haven 't seen you in a week so I have no idea how your life has been . " Jeff pulled open the bottom right - hand drawer and dropped a paper bag into it . Clement went back to writing . Jeff got a cup of coffee , added cream and sugar and sat down across from him . " So , is that all you have to say then ? Nothing about what 's happened ? " " You know what , Jeff ? Typically when people don 't what to say in a situation the experts either tell them to say nothing and wait until the other person brings it up and sets the tone or they tell them to act casually . I 'm not sure how to treat what 's happened in a casual manner so I decided to wait and let you bring it up and set the tone . " " Did you want to talk about what happened ? Do you want to go out and get a real cup of coffee and catch up ? I tracked down those kalamata olive , chicken and green pepper sausages . I 'm wondering if we should bail on the old Rockin ' Rooster and start selling those . Would you like to talk about that instead ? " " I know that . Believe me , I am very aware that he 's dead . That doesn 't change the fact that Mari chose him over me . " " There 's still some doubt about whether she killed him or whether Milagra did . She gave him the coffee drink and the goody that spiked his blood sugar and sent him into a coma and then she left him there to die so she definitely had the intent to kill him . Milagra cut his head most of the way off and sufficiently damaged his spinal cord so he would have been unable to breathe even if they brought him out of the coma and reattached the rest of his head . According to the story she told us , she definitely intended to kill him as a sacrifice to God and Mr . Gomez . So , we 'll see how the whole thing shakes out . " " I guess she was and she wasn 't . I don 't think there was much chance she would have had to share the money with Aaron . He had plenty of money of his own and - in the short time I talked with him - I got the impression he mostly discussed those concepts with her because he enjoyed exchanging ideas and because he enjoyed torturing you . He did it because it made them both happy . " " Nope , nothing like it . Her eyes would light up and she 'd squeal or whoop and sometimes she 'd dance around . " He took a big swallow of coffee and set the cup down with a thump . " No point thinking about it . It 's not something I 'll ever see again . " " Of course you will . She 'll be very happy to see you on visiting day . Especially if you bring a cake with a file in it . " " My teachers didn 't have that problem . They knew exactly where to put me . They usually stuck me next to the biggest suck - up in the room . Nothing like spending six hours a day , five days a week , nine months of the year listening to some kid tell you ' Shut up ! I 'm trying to hear . ' Or ' Stop bugging me ! I 'm trying to get my work done so I can go out for recess . ' " " I could have told you that . We gotta get out and run around or we 're gonna go stir crazy . What are you gonna do about it ? " " Well , yeah . If you tell Mrs . Lamb about this though you didn 't hear it from me . Okay ? I don 't want word to get around that I was helping a principal . " Jeff swallowed some more coffee . " When I was starting the sixth grade , I was still getting in trouble . I had to sit in the hall a lot . I started to kind of like it because I could see the teachers walking around and the kids with messages would go down to the office and back and I saw the delivery guys bringing in the lunch stuff and it was interesting ; There was always something happening . Plus I was out in the hall . I was different . Everybody else was sitting in the classroom doing division and I was seeing the world go by . " " Or something . She was this great big woman . She liked to wear a lot of bright colors and she had little curls that stuck out from her head like she wanted to have one of those old - fashioned waves but it didn 't take . " " Whatever . She was standing behind me and I could feel her watching me . I put my pencil on the edge of my desk and I was pushing it off with the side of my hand when she scooped it up . She leaned over my chair and she said , real quietly , ' You seem to have a lot of imagination and not much to do with it . I guess I 'll have to help you find something . ' I didn 't care . I heard that before . I figured she 's gonna say I have to discover a new way to clean erasers or something . She said , ' Come with me . ' " " Yeah . I wrote a whole bunch of stories about the hippo and how he couldn 't get shoes that fit so he had to wear roller skates and he got into trouble . She started sending me to the office too . " " Your house ? What for ? And where are we going first ? " Clement picked up both cups , carried them in to the sink and rinsed them out . " You gonna wash those now ? " " Nope . " Clement shook the excess water from the mugs and placed them facedown on a three layer stack of paper towels . " First we are going to Eco Meats . Then we are going to my house to grill a taste test . " Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :

I saw myself in a seven star cruise ship , at dinner time with candle lights , bulbs , chandeliers etc . I saw myself talking to a lot of high profile people , one at a time . We had a meal in person and I ordered something for every date . When the time ran out , I excused myself and went to another table to meet the next person . Eventually , the party was over for me when I had met everyone I had to . From among the last set of people I met , a girl came over to me , poked me on the arm and asked me if I wanted to hang out , and I replied , " Let me get my food first . " The thing is that I had some leftovers after meeting every person and I wanted to go back to those tables and finish them . But the place had closed down for the night and the cleaners had begun their work . I couldn 't find my leftovers , and I was still hungry . I walked up to the end of the ship to the small hall facing the ocean which had a long table with some leftovers . I started scavenging for untouched food among them . The cleaner approached me and asked me to stop doing that but a lady asked the cleaner to allow me to continue . I saw myself backstage , few minutes before my speech or announcement but a stage presence nonetheless . I was nervous , but quite excited . Some people looked at me , few of the onstage ones also , as I frantically went through my speech . Maybe it were the large audience , the bright stage lighting or both that made me feel overwhelmed about the whole situation . Next I saw myself in a pool of crystal clear blue water . I was swimming and keeping away from sharks which were sharing the pool . The pool was small in size but when a person is in the pool , the person shrinks perhaps because the pool seems much bigger . I was in the pool , preparing for my speech when a shark advanced towards me with its open mouth and large , uneven knife - like teeth . I swam for my life , and did a rookie mistake . I went deeper into the pool . I got myself a much needed push from the pool floor ( which was all soil and tiny water plants ) and heaved myself upwards , but the shark was prepared to block my way . I lost most of my momentum while changing direction away from the shark . To my relief , Inderjeet came to my rescue . He knew how to deal with the sharks and helped me out of the pool . As we both sat staring at the tiny sharks in the pool , I thanked him . He said that we 're trained among the sharks to improve our public speaking skills so that stage feels much less scary . I was at my house , with my mother and sister ( I think ) and few other kids . I wanted to have bath but couldn 't because of cloudy weather . I was waiting for the weather to change but my wait had been too long so I had to take a bath asap . I looked at the mirror to check my hairline . I was scared when I saw that my hairline had reduced almost a centimeter since the last time I had taken a bath . I saw myself traveling in a bus . There was this school friend of mine sitting behind me with whom I was talking and a guy in one of the backseats moved his lips to say that my friend was really pretty and showed me a thumbs up . I moved my lips to say , I know and smiled . Later , I got down with my friend at her stop near her house instead . While walking to her house , I took her hand in mine and to make conversation I suggested she don 't bite her nails because fingers don 't look good with bitten nails . Yeah , the guy in the backseat successfully made me feel conscious in her presence . After leaving my friend at her house , I decided to walk back home because I guessed by time taken in my regular ride of the bus that my house won 't be more than two kilometers from there . In a few seconds , I realized I had no idea which direction to take . I recalled the direction bus takes and walked in that direction . A few minutes later I found myself in a completely different locality with differently colored tall buildings . I was enjoying the experience . I kept on walking for half an hour in various army cantonment colonies and felt as if I had visited different states or countries . Tired and eager to get home asap , I decided to take help when I saw the army jawans on the gate of one of the colonies . When I asked one of them the direction to my house , he showed his palm and asked for Rs . 2 as charges . I was surprised , and amused . As I stood there looking at him , he lowered his charges to Rs . 1 , then added that had I given him Rs . 2 , he 'd have given Rs . 1 to his partner , and pointed at his partner who was looking out towards the gate . My mother was at IIIT - H celebrating my birthday ! There were so many people around who were probably my friends . We had few snacks and then my mother brought a huge chocolate birthday cake . And all this in front of the incomplete building in front of library building ! One of my mother 's childhood friends was also there . I remember locking a person in bathroom of my house because he was disturbing me by making too much noise or telling me things that bothered me . He was strong so I could lock him up only by tricking him into it . After more than 12 hours I realized I had done wrong and he was not really the reason for my disturbed state of mind . I unlocked the door and allowed him out . I expected him to hit me for treating him like that so I apologized just after I opened the door but he was generous enough not to hit me and said he was glad I allowed him out . I saw myself sitting in a room lighted with bulbs and having ancient style furnishing . There was this other girl sitting near me and few other people sitting around us . Some person came to us and asked that girl and me to sign on a sheet of paper at some specific location in the sheet . She promptly signed it . I signed , the realized I had not put my own signature but a disturbed form of it . Nobody else knew what my signature looks like , until they verify with some source but I knew my signature but couldn 't recall it . I cut the previous signature and signed again , producing a different signature , yet not my own . I took a separate sheet of paper and tried recalling my signature . That person left with the sheet of paper with my wrong signature . Almost everybody was looking at what I was doing . Finally I scribbled a signature that satisfied me . Reality : Yesterday , PKR suggested me an idea for publishing a research paper and told me that after finishing that work my MS work would be over . I should have felt delighted because I wanted MS to be over asap but I felt sad because I didn 't contribute anything original yet . Perhaps that 's why I was not able to recall my signature . I saw myself trying to race my toy car by pushing it with a lot of energy . Sadly I couldn 't generate much speed . There was this other guy who kept on telling me that my car was much faster than that but I wouldn 't believe him . Few hours later I discovered it for myself that he was telling the truth . All I had to do was rewind my car , as in push it back on the ground and leave it , and gently release it from my grip and see it zooming to the other end of the room . Interestingly enough , it bounced back from the opposite wall , and then the wall behind me , and then the opposite wall so as to make four lapses with just one rewind ! Moral : Sometimes you must get back to basics , you must listen to the other person who has more experience . I saw myself in a group of few guys and girls going to some isolated , deserted place . The girls seemed excited after reaching the location . It looked like a photoshoot and the girls were the models I guess . I am not sure why I was there but there was this other guy who was a photographer . After a brief session , two older men came to that photographer and whispered in his ear . They turned and looked at me . Next thing I remember seeing two of the girls lying shot dead and the lead actress standing and trembling in fear . The older men pushed the revolver at me and forced me to shoot that lady . I refused . They threatened me that they 'd kill me if I didn 't obey them . I refused , fully understanding the risks but also aware that they 'd kill me anyways ( a situation akin to that in the movie ' Nick of Time ' which I watched few days back ) . I was nervous but not scared of them . The photographer guy didn 't look comfortable . The actress was continuously gazing at that guy , perhaps wanting to ask him , " why ? " . Next thing I saw myself lying on the awkward stony floor of a completely wrecked room with some wall still left around it . I was lying with my head down . I remember seeing a wall on both sides and then looking up and seeing that photographer guy pointing the revolver at me . I looked down again , well aware that I 'd be shot dead anytime . I wanted to indicate at the top of my head with my index finger so that the guy shoots me there but I guess I was numb with fear . I quickly tried to recall all the important things in my life , but to my embarrassment could only recall the TV show characters like That 70s Show etc . I focused hard and recalled my father , my mother and my sister , visualizing each of them giving me a kiss and a beautiful smile . After that my mind started recalling the TV shows again . : ( I heard the gunshot and for a second felt like the top of my head had exploded but that was my imagination . I was not shot at , I was still alive . Cautiously , I looked up and saw the photographer guy on the floor , bleeding from his head . Apparently he had killed himself . I guess he couldn 't take it anymore . I grabbed his revolver in my handkerchief and started running away from there . My efforts at running were similar to the end scene in the movie " Ferris Bueller 's Day Off " in which Ferris runs hard and a for long time to reach his house from his girlfriend 's house before either of his parents could reach the house . I was running for my life . I ran through a wild patch of land , then through a small town and then through an urban settlement . I happened to gaze into one of the houses which had a glass door and was well lit from inside , and saw my father talking to some other man in there . I banged at the glass door hard enough for them to hear me and take me in . My father was concerned and asked me about the situation . I tried to tell him but was gasping and struggling to breathe in properly . My father introduced me to the other man who was probably his senior because my father addressed him as " sir " . Strangely enough he told him that I was from the batch of ' 97 or perhaps he was talking about someone else but he was definitely talking about some defense force academy student . I recalled that I did my 10th in year 2003 and 12th in year 2005 and am in college . Near death experience does make one remember one 's past really quickly ! It was dusk . My father took me outside in the backyard which was covered with grass and had a high hedge , strangely covered with the certificates of many cadets . I wanted to ask my father about reason of his presence there but didn 't . I took him into a dark corner , away from the sight of that other man and started telling him about the situation . After what I experienced , I couldn 't trust any stranger anymore ! A few minutes later , after all the explanations , my father promised me that he 'd find help for me and others but as we turned and started walking back into the house , I saw one of the older men walking out of the house and turning at us , pointing a pistol / revolver at us . I was in front , so I turned back , took my father and ducked back in the darkness . After a few seconds , I plunged out of the darkness , kicked his arm holding the revolver with my knee and then knocked him out . At that moment itself , it was the other older man who was standing in front of us , pointing his revolver at us . This time , either my father or I got shot in the arm . This man was physically stronger than the previous one and I found it hard to hold his arm with the revolver and struggle with him . My father joined in and we disarmed him . Funny thing happened after that . The man inside the house and I were comparing our biceps and arm size , in front of a mirror and clearly his were far more superior , and reminded me of Bob 's ( from That 70s Show ) thick arms . I was smiling into the mirror and at my relatively fragile physique . Many of my friends , batchmates and some strangers were beating me , hitting me . I didn 't understand why , but I do know that whenever I went outside my house , they attacked me . Later they started attacking me even in my lawn ! And eventually inside the house too . Apparently I had been staying alone because my parents and sister were probably somewhere else . Hence , I had to sneak into my own house most of the times ! Eventually I started staying in someone else 's house , a friend 's house I think . They came there as well , so I had to escape so that they follow me and not harm my friend . I did see that I was not the only one being beaten up . After being beaten , I felt tired but didn 't feel much of pain . After a few beatings , I decided to train myself and beat them back when I 'm ready . Their beatings made me stronger , and I exercised and practiced . At a grand party / ceremony , all the people who beat me were sitting on either side of me in a long row at a long table . We were having dinner . They started hitting me now and then , I was feeling angry and I decided to retaliate . Within a few minutes , all those guys were lying on the floor , groaning in pain ! I saw myself at my uncle 's house . I saw myself meeting Renu aunty in the kitchen . I touched her feet and she hugged me and seemed happy to have me at her house . I didn 't meet uncle I think . I am certain my father was there but not sure about my mother and sister , even though I feel they were there ! I saw daadi sitting in a chair in front of a table . I guess her walking stick was standing beside her . I didn 't know how to meet her as I was surprised to find here there . Initially we just nodded our face and smiled at each other but finally I went to her , touched her feet and I think she was happy to see me . I remember getting out of a military convoy vehicle . There were fold - able thin set of steps to be used while getting down and out of the vehicle . I got down from it , then offered my father a hand but he said he was alright , then some other man got down after him , I guess he was a friend or a relative . My father beckoned me to help him get down . I offered to hold his two hands , he put his hands into mine and I tried to take all his weight on me while he stepped down those shaky set of steps . At a railway station , I got into an argument with some railway workers . I could see the yellow stone board which has name of the railway station but couldn 't see the name . Those people were praising some guy who called himself ' Warren Buffet ' and said they respect him a lot and are willing to die for him . I told them that the guy they met was probably a phony as the real Warren Buffet was probably somewhere else . They became furious and threatened to kill me if I said another word . I left . Later I saw that phony guy in common man 's clothes on the asbestos rooftop of railway platform . It was early morning or late evening . I realized he had a plan . He appeared in front of the railway workers and started abusing / accusing that ' Warren Buffet ' . Those railway workers got angry and were about to hit him when he revealed that it was him , he was the phony ' Warren Buffet ' but wearing neat and classy upper class suit and tie . Feeling cheated , those workers ran after him , few managed to hurt him from a distance . I didn 't involve myself in his business but observed the event . Later , I saw myself at a hospital . I could smell the anesthesia . I saw that phony guy there , waiting for his turn to get treated for the wounds . As soon as he entered the room , he saw another patient , who was probably a railway worker because he struggled to get up but because of severe wounds couldn 't . It was as if he was tied to the bed with thin threads / strands that he could break but doesn 't feel strong enough to . He probably wasn 't there at the station when this guy revealed the truth , but others might have informed him about it when they came to meet him . This phony guy , sensing danger , just left the hospital . Looking at that event through an ajar door made me forgot why I was in the hospital ! I saw myself at a conference with almost all my friends and batchmates . The talks and presentations were being held at a grand hall . We were given the conference program and details at the start of the conference at the registration desk . We were sitting in the front rows of the second set of seats from the stage . Some person had created his own self in a machine . I saw them carry the lookalike of that person which was sitting in a cardboard box and the box was being carried . The lookalike machine was programmed so that it could make a conversation and keep it up . It gave exactly the same responses ( verbatim ) which the researcher would have given . I might have gone to wash my face or to the loo but when I came back , I saw none of my friends at our sitting place but others . I looked around , then at the stage where the speaker was . There , around a big table , on the chairs , were sitting all my friends and batchmates . I saw them talking and chatting with that machine . I felt rather left out and neglected . In a sulky mood , I sat on one of the chairs in the second set of seats and stared at the screens which showed the action on stage to people sitting rather away from the stage to hear anything . That night , we were moving around the town in a jeep . We all had stuffed ourselves in the jeep . The town closed early everyday and had many unfinished or broken shops , narrow streets through which the jeep barely came through . Yeah , daddu was driving the jeep ! Although dood fought hard to take the control of the wheel ! Next morning while walking the corridor of our place of stay to leave for the conference , I met an acquaintance on the way . She told me about the dream she had last night and asked me if I had such dreams . I said , her dream was quite interesting and that I had such dreams many times . I saw myself with my parents and sister , all dressed up for a party and walking into this large hall with few long tables neatly covered with red cloth , in the center and chairs all around the hall , by the walls . Few families were there but clearly all the men were higher officials . Although I felt out of place among them , I did feel after a while that I was smarter than many there . The ambiance was great . The grand hall was well lit ; there was a chandelier in the center , I guess . The big silver wares for each food dish and the cutlery felt upper class . One side of the hall had a small door that led straight to the kitchen , the other door led to the bar . The opposite side of the hall had a small lobby which faced the glass door that led straight to a green and well lit park , with fountain and grass and flowers and shrubs , and benches to sit on . All the kids were playing outside in the park when we entered the grand hall . While in line for dinner , I filled my plate completely . For some more space , I took another plate , a smaller one and put the dessert , gulab jamun , into it . I smiled as I managed to put the gulab jamun into the smaller plate I was holding with my left hand . I then thought , how 's this possible . I looked behind my back at others who were staring at me . I looked down and saw the main plate with all the food fallen on the carpeted floor . I was expecting lots of food on the carpet and my shoes but there wasn 't food at all , only that big white plate , unbroken . I silently had my dessert , then helped serve the other dessert , which looked like gulab jamuns , but were oblong in shape . I saw myself traveling in train but this time I was responsible for all the others traveling with me . Almost all of them were my juniors from college . We just managed to get in the train before it left . Some were sitting on their luggage , some where standing . It looked as if we were in the general compartment but the compartment wasn 't really crowded . The train and the platforms etc . looked like in the times before our national independence ( early 20th century ) . Roughage , chaff etc . was lying on the other side of the compartment . We were chatting and laughing . We got ready to get down . We were at that place for some reason . While keeping our luggage at the entrance of the bogie , we found one of our suitcases missing . I couldn 't remember if we had that suitcase with us in the first place . I called one of my juniors ( either Akshat or Neeraj ) back in college to ask him if we had taken that suitcase for the journey . He said how could I expect him to know that ! Of course , stupid of me ! I made a few more calls but all in vain . Later I saw myself alone at the station , late at night , waiting for a passenger train to come . I saw my parents , sister and me outside a temple . We had traveled in a jeep to visit that temple . We had a lot of luggage in the jeep and jeep 's backdoor wouldn 't close . So my father took the wheel , applied the reverse gear and parked the jeep touching the outer wall of the temple . He did it so smoothly that the backlights were unaffected . I saw myself at the wrong residence . I opened the door , realized my mistake but before I could close it back and leave , the one sitting on the bed called me in . I went in . The truth is , I was supposed to keep tabs on them and update my friend with the information . My friend and I were working for the government , collecting information on such people . They had committed many cold blooded murders . I knew I had to think of an excuse for mistakenly barging into their one room house which looked like hut from outside but had a lot of room inside . It was among the many hut looking houses in that row , and I opened one door sooner . I went in , greeted them and sat on the bed , pretending that I was their ally . I began giving them some information on my friend 's progress in the case . But before I could tell them much , he stopped me and asked me , " Naam kya hai tera ? " ( what 's your name ? ) . He caught me off guard . I wasn 't prepared for that question . At any cost I was not to reveal my real name , or any Indian or American fake name . I spoke some Afghan name . He looked at me and gave me clear signs that he didn 't trust my lies . The style in which he killed the impostors played over and over again in my mind as we sat to eat . I remember fighting few men with rods emitting electric current , and the dead lady officer hanging from the great wall on that roadside . I was hoping to rescue her , so that if she may still be breathing , we could revive her , but those men stopped me and eventually I had to save myself when I saw the lady was no more alive . My friend was living in the adjacent hut . If only I could switch roles with him because he was more experienced , he could find a way out of this situation . I couldn 't just run away from this place , if I did they 'd track me down and kill me . We were in their country , so they had the upper hand . The shrieks of the lady , who was an agent from our agency , they killed at the roadside by hanging her on a wall and throwing stones and sharp objects at her . It was a dream , I told myself . Crap ! I thought , why couldn 't I opt for the other character , instead of the current character I was in ? I thought I had a choice , maybe I didn 't . I imagined how it 'd feel to die , and since I would die , I wouldn 't be able to see how it all ends , which made me sad . They started threatening me to tell the truth . I was really scared and tried to disguise my heavy breathing with sneezing and coughing . I laughed at their accusations and spoke most of the times in native language of Afghanistan . I knew this mission was hanging on my little shoulders and I could not , at any cost , give in even if it means death . We needed to catch the whole organization , not just those two men , who commit atrocities and cold blooded murder in the name of God and law . Alas , I was made a bait and my team was asked to show up , else I 'd be killed the way the lady officer was . Before they taped my mouth , I kept on laughing hysterically and telling them they had weird sense of humor , putting their own man on the line , pretending he belonged to the enemy and expecting the enemies to surrender . The information I gave them about my friend and our team 's plan was all true , except for the end game , which is my friend is a world class expert . But the game had changed now . I was going to die , and I wished my friend and our team didn 't come trying to save me . I wanted those savages killed in cold blood , which would only happen when my friend executed his plan ( plan B , since I have been captured ) as decided . I saw myself ( from above ) in an ocean with many others floating / swimming nearby and far . I remember talking to a lady about it who told me that I was in a much smaller water - body , and she told me that there 's an even bigger water - body in which many more people swim . I remember myself planning for swimming in this water - body for quite some time . I remember myself surrounded by many people in that ocean size water - body . Initially I was surprised to see myself there ; I look around . I saw the nearest shore , so I started swimming towards it . I saw myself at a fort like place . I had to wait at diff . places , then climb stairs through thin paths with stone walls on both sides . The small rooms where others and I waited were spacious but the stair steps were big and the stairs path was very thin , hence only one person could climb up or go down . I felt a little claustrophobic thinking of a scenario when people have to escape the place , they all will fight to go through that thin stairs path , it was horrifying . BTW , among others , I saw aunties with their little kids sitting in a row of chairs , which means that that place was not just a center for karate exam but had other things going on in it as well . I was probably at that place to take the exam for first belt of karate . While waiting in one of the rooms on the way , I saw many books lying in that room . I started reading those books and became really interested in them . Those books consisted knowledge of fighting as well as various sciences including physics and medicine . So I guess instead of taking the exam , I left that place with those books . I obsessively read for days and days with very little breaks . I was scared as to what would happen if I couldn 't finish reading those books . I had to finish reading those books asap . I saw the guy I met at the center for the exam . We exchanged smiles . I saw him looking around but he didn 't tell me reason for his business there . He said he was just visiting our campus . I resumed my reading . Later Asrar came to my room ; that guy saw him from a distance . He came to me and asked me if Asrar was my friend . I answered in affirmative and he said that my friend would die tonight . I was astonished as to what he said . Later I caught that guy and made him understand that it wasn 't worth it , that he should go back and think on it . He said he hated my friend and people like him , he hated all such people . I told him to think if his hatred was worth taking someone 's life , I told him that if next time he saw my friend and felt the same way , he may kill him . But that guy wouldn 't listen . He called his ally and both stood in the line for the food at our mess . Surprisingly , our mess was bigger and quite spacious . They had firm grip on their daggers but had placed them in a hidden position . I was confused as to what to do . I went to Dhingra who was near the start of the line and told him everything . Dhingra , in his regular jolly mood said we 'd handle them , that I shouldn 't worry . Dhingra asked me where they were , I pointed at their direction , but then one person extended his height to hide others behind him and had two window handles snugged in his night - pants . Dhingra said that I told him they had daggers but that guy had window handles , a court case is also not registered for window handles . Akshay was also standing nearby , so I agreed and asked Akshay for his confirmation for participation . Akshay agreed . I said , great , we 're four , they 're two . But I was still scared because I saw him at that place , which means he knew karate and definitely better karate than me . I told Asrar about it , but he laughed it off and said my sense of humor was strange today . I saw Pradeep aunty laughing a lot , laughing with delight , but more with the satisfaction akin to being proved right and making fool out of someone . She laughed out loud when I told her about the colonel / brigadier who turns out to be the bad guy . She paused in between her laughter just to tell me that she had known from the start that the head of the team was the bad guy . I saw the brigadier / colonel , and few of the other officers serving under him , one of them being a lady officer . One of the officer and the lady officer started having an affair . The head didn 't like / approve of that for some reason unknown . The two officers broke up , only had the professional relationship . But the few days ' affair had served its purpose and the head started making wonky decisions and the team started suffering defeats . On being questioned , the head dared them to question his judgment and authority . The two officers , who were good friends before their short lived affair , went to the head to discuss the seriousness of his misplaced decisions . The last thing I see , is the male officer asks the head , who stands a little away from them , his back to them , his hands clasped behind him . He then turns back to look at the male officer , then the female officer . It was then I noticed the head 's mustache . The girl lying on the bed was someone I loved a lot , perhaps my sister or a very good friend . Her habits did hint towards such an outcome , but I could never have foreseen the present moment . She did get drunk once in a while but drugs . . . That guy and I did , and still resent each other . But he was ready to help in whatever way possible . I wanted to appreciate his help , but was too perturbed at the moment . I saw the grand casino of Las Vegas . The building was glittering in yellow light . I saw myself lying in a black SUV . I saw my father rushing towards us from the casino , he takes the wheel , my mother closes the door and we nearly escaped them . I guess I was shot , but I felt sick rather than in pain . There wasn 't much chase and we reached home safely . I saw myself at this hotel which had this vast circular area with elevators or turning door at its circumference . I entered the hotel at one end and saw people coming in and out of those elevators and turning doors . I got a call from my father . He asked me when I 'd be home . I told him I 'd be home the day after tomorrow . The signal was bad so I had to put my mouth just on the mouthpiece and whisper loudly . The call was cut eventually . I saw her leaving through one of the turning door on the other side . I was with my friends . We were looking for some place to play , some card games I guess , gamble I guess . I was reluctant at first , but then later we all played , me and many of my batch friends . It was a gala time for us . I saw myself in a seminar hall with steps type seating arrangement for audience . I saw someone giving a lecture on some topic of social science / sociology and I saw many of my batchmates , including Atul , attending that . And they were really enjoying it ! ! I saw myself sitting at some neighbor of ours . They had those village kind of wooden cots . My parents , especially my mother was concerned because they had arranged for their daughter 's marriage but their daughter already liked / loved someone else . My mother , with all her wisdom gained by watching India TV and other stupid news channels said that children commit suicide if parents force them to do anything . She tried to convince the neighbors , don 't know how far she succeeded . I remember climbing down some curvy flight of stairs . I saw my parents and some other couple who had just bought a puppy because I remembered that they didn 't have one before . It was amusing to see that puppy trying to climb the stairs on its own . It put one leg on a stair , then tried to heave itself . I saw my father using a stick to support the puppy from behind and raise it horizontal . The puppy pushed itself ahead and reached the next stair . I saw myself , among others , doing a series of events , which included writing , performing , reciting etc . in front of a large audience . I remember being nervous and the environment wasn 't very hostile . Later I saw myself looking at my answer sheet . I was writing an exam and things like performance , recitation , large audience etc . was my imagination . : D I was surprised to have got one of the highest marks . I saw the answers I had written and the teacher told me that most of them were just perfect ! The subject was English . Many of my classmates congratulated me , including the girl I had crush on . It felt good but I was so happy about getting highest marks in English that I wanted to think about English and marvel my own work more than thinking about her or talking to her . I saw a local don walking towards me with his minions closely walking behind him , in a corridor of some building that looked like the building of Imperial College of Engineering in 3 idiots ! I was feeling a little uncomfortable , but then he saw me and patted me , then wrapped his arm around my shoulders from behind and hinted me to walk with him . He was there to attend some meeting with his associates . They had a meeting in some classroom , as I could see the green board on one side . That classroom was in the league with the best office conference rooms , with AC and good furnishing . The meeting commenced . After few minutes , I saw a sexy lady , of my age group come and sit on the chair beside me . Most of my attention was now diverted to her hair , her scent and those cursory glances I gave her . In a while , I noticed don 's khaas aadmi ( right hand man ) , who had long hair and beard and looked stupid with his sunglasses on , frequently looking at her , so I stopped glancing at her . Later that night , the don called me . I never wanted to be his friend but he seems to like me and trust me as a friend , and can 't say no to a don ! His mansion was like the ones shown in Bollywood movies ! I climbed up to his room and saw him in a pathetic situation . He looked sick , and scared . He wouldn 't tell on being asked , but after some cajoling and reminding him that he can tell me anything , he realized he could trust me and told me all about it . " Yes , but that 's not the complete truth . I did kill a woman , unintentionally . She was bent on exposing me . I got a little violent and her death was an accident . " " Don 't be stupid ! I 'm sober now . I saw her walking towards me . She didn 't say anything though . But that 's not all . " The idea of the mansion being haunted scared me . I saw a ghost walking through the walls of the mansion , then out of the mansion and towards me , standing in front of it . I didn 't want to die with that don because of something I wasn 't involved in . But he never looked more scared . I was a little concerned . I did think that was coming . But I was puzzled as to why he saw other woman 's ghosts he didn 't kill . Could it be that his minions killed those women ? A don confessing , I was amused . I wanted to smile but couldn 't . I didn 't feel scared or nervous of him anymore , but started feeling better in his company . Finally he might become one of the good guys . " I think the only way to nullify the effects of your bad deeds , is to start doing good deeds . You 've to become one of the good guys . Sir , I 'm with you . You must become a good person and use all your capabilities and resources towards it . The ghosts of all the woman would feel satisfied to see you do good work and would leave . " I saw myself at some get - together in some dim lighted big room . It looked like some seminar hall of a 5 star . Few of my immediate juniors had this list of marks and grades for a course I was TA of . Those were a year old records . One of them said that I had the authority to make changes in those records and since they were old records , others won 't bother verifying it . He said I was the TA , so I would have the password which would still be valid ! He wrote something which looked like 'm ' and ' n ' in his ow writing , but sideways . He explained those were the current marks and marks to be updated ( which were fake of course ! ) . I looked at them for sometime to figure out the numerical figure they resembled . I remember Kamal sir addressing all of us after that . Perhaps we all were at Dean 's Dinner . He said if we could all promise him that we would stop drinking from that moment onwards ! I happen to meet two students of Police Academy sitting at a table , in a small room / back of a big vehicle . I met them for the first time but they seemed friendly . Some other friend of their walked in and sat on the third chair and then some other came in and stood beside me . One of them already sitting there asks the ones who just came in about their training and if the gun was issued to them . The one sitting said that he 'd be issued the gun next week / month . The table had a plate with some confectionary stuff but I can only remember brown muffins . They offered me the whole pack of big brown fresh muffins . I took it , hesitatingly . I saw a couple jumping into the water and from inside the water I saw them kissing each other once , then swimming deeper towards the Sri Ram temple at the bottom of the lake . I swam to the temple and visited it . I saw a hawker distributing prasad so I accepted a packet . I opened it and ate a little boondi from it . I realized I couldn 't stay without breath under water for a long time so I started going back upwards . I called my sister and asked her to leave with me . She was puzzled but she did . I pushed her upwards , then started swimming towards the surface . I had to go through a thin opening which had stairs below it . I then realized that the temple was submerged in the lake but wasn 't when was originally built . Sensing that I might be out of breath , I left the packet of prasad at the start of the opening for better comfort in swimming . On reaching the surface , I started feeling hungry and regretted leaving prasad back at the lake . I looked around for vendors selling prasad but didn 't find anyone selling the same prasad . Finally I asked one of them for 3 out of 5 diff . kinds of prasads that he was selling but he refused , as he sold them all as a set and not individually and I didn 't have enough money to buy the whole set . My sister and I were to wait for a vehicle to take us home but we waited for sometime and it didn 't come . Coincidentally I saw Alok , Sachin and other IIIT - H friends who are currently working and staying in Bangalore leaving the temple in their car . Alok looked out of the window and in his usual style greeted me . Apparently some of the guys in that car were to be dropped somewhere so it would take more time than usual for us to reach home . We made a few minutes stop at their place . I told them that it reminded me of my school and the place looked like a part of Army cantonment area . It did have small rooms arranged in a circle , a TV room , a playground and a large area for exercises . I saw a playroom with a paper piano in it . My sister went there and started playing the piano . I was astonished to see that piano make music . My friends and I walked around the place and talked for a few minutes . I asked them if there was anything available to eat and although I had a biriyani and something else , still I was hungry . My sister came to us from the other room and said that the paper piano was dismantled . I saw the broken into pieces piano and got a little worried . My friends said it can be fixed easily and that I should not worry . I was at a marketplace ( sadar bazar , Jalandhar , lookalike ) with my father and some friend of his . My father left me with him to buy something from some shop a little far . My father 's friend asked me if I would like to have something . I said , and he brought me a large hot - dog and something else in packing . My father called us outside so that we may leave . While leaving the shop , I forgot to take my half - eaten hot - dog and the something else in packing . Halfway out of the marketplace , I remembered that I had left my stuff at that shop . My father and his friend looked at each other , concerned . " Never mind , it 'll not take long , " my father 's friend said and we went back . It was closing time for all the shops . Initially we were not sure if we were at the same shop because the place looked like an abandoned patch , as if nothing ever existed there ! There was a man taking rounds of the street , asking everyone to close down their shops . He wore a uniform similar to the security guards ' at IIIT - H . On watching us enter the abandoned shop , he walked to us and said we were not allowed to enter that place because it was past closing time for shops . We tried reasoning with him that we 'd left our stuff inside the shop but he wouldn 't listen . Finally we had to give him a little something , which my father and his friend debated upon , and went into the abandoned shop , only to find my stuff lying there , untouched , among the emptiness . Later , we walked the empty streets of the city . There was enough lighting , both natural and artificial to confuse a brightly lit night to a cloudy daytime . I saw a big banner of indibloggers on our way back and got excited about it . I pointed to it , saying that they 'd have their meeting in the same building which hosted the banner . My father asked me " What do you guys really do in such meetings ? " not convinced those meetings and get - together serve any purpose . I saw myself in a long table conference type of meeting , sitting close to the head of the meeting . Somebody , I think it was Mux , greeted him , " Konbanwa " which the boss interrupted saying it was morning time . The boss asked others if they knew the Japanese greeting for " good morning " . Many , including me and Mux said " Oya sumi masen " with a little hesitation . He repeated the greeting with better intonation and pronunciation . He finally asked who knew basic Japanese . Many hands shot up , and it was then I saw Mohit sitting in the meeting , a couple of chairs away from me . It must be 8 or 9 am , we were trekking , me and few others . Among others I remember a couple of families , some other middle aged people , and few of my friends . We were walking through a posh colony , akin to an army cantonment colony . We looked around and saw only few people around . One of my friends pointed to a house and said , " This is house of Rocky , Sylvestor Stallone . " I thought he was kidding but when I looked at him , I knew he wasn 't . I slipped away from the group , walked up to his apartment on the first floor . I knocked at his door . He came out in his night clothes . He stared at me for a few seconds . " What is it that you want , kid ? " His apartment was really huge from inside . It looked as if he lived alone but there was a lot of stuff at his house that suggested otherwise . I saw collections of bollywood movies / songs from the 70s , especially Shammi Kapoor 's . I saw a big poster of Shammi Kapoor at one corner of his living room , below which was his big stereo music system . I went to his verandah , and peeped below . I was surprised to see Ruhela sir . I asked him what he was doing there . He said he was waiting for someone , and that I should leave at once and suggested an escape route , other than the front door . But I went back inside . I was surprised to see my mother come to his house . I asked her what she was doing there . She didn 't reply . My mother was with others on trekking , how come she was there as well ? Maybe she was some other woman of my mother 's age , and not my mother . She started making something in the kitchen . Mr . Stallone had prepared something snacks so we ate that and talked for sometime . I saw Ruhela sir from the window beside me , he was beckoning me to urgently leave that place . I said I had to leave , and asked that woman who looked like my mother , if she wanted to come too , but Mr . Stallone said she 'll leave after she was done with her work . I left from the front door , with Mr . Stallone closing it behind me . I saw myself at a mansion . I was alone . I remembered looking at a pack of hounds tearing apart an alive human body from a window while standing over the fireplace stand . He was an acquaintance , but I was too scared to go out to help him , I was too scared to move . I ate cold food , didn 't leave the mansion for the fear of those hounds . I couldn 't contact anyone . I was cold , had a blanket to keep me warm . I wanted to get rid of those hounds , preferably destroy all of them . There was a little girl who went missing . It was Mahaveer who first asked me to search for her . There were two other things also that I had to search but the little girl worried me the most . Her absence haunted me in my dreams too . I knew I had to find her ! Once something got stuck in my throat and I was trying hard to push it out but in vain . I felt as if the little girl was telling me that I 'd left her in the dark and she was scared . I tried harder to push out the thing stuck in my throat . I didn 't come out , so I swallowed it with force . I had late breakfast as usual and was carrying a glass of milk to drink after sometime . I saw Kapil , Atul , Parashar , Pankaj , Alok , Mahaveer and others playing some stupid game in which they 'd hold anyone and push that person very hard and run with that person , then eventually releasing him / her from their grip . I tried to tell them that I had a full big glass of milk in my hand and that the milk would fall and that would make me angry . They didn 't bother and the group , like a group of bees surrounded me from behind and pushed me randomly left , right , front . I got angry and spilled all my milk on the person on my right because I was holding the milk in my right hand . Sadly the person was Atul ! After that I did throw the remaining drops at Parashar as well but the damage had been done . I went to mess to refill the glass with some milk . On the wall clock above the entrance to the stairs that led to Yuktahaar mess , I saw the time , 12 : 13 pm . It was way past the breakfast time , so I had to do without milk . There was some guy who came to me asking for Sushanta . I said I didn 't know where he was at the moment . He asked me what bothered me and I said a little girl was missing and he said if I had investigated it thoroughly . I said I didn 't ask the girls of the college . He said Sushanta was incharge of ice - creams and that girls would definitely come to him for ice - creams and we could ask them at that time . I looked at him , he seemed to be quite interested in meeting the girls . Then Sashidhar came along and I asked him , " hey how would you suggest a missing person could be found ? " Sashidhar thought for a few seconds and suggested that we could trace her by the IP address . He then explained that the last number would be the person 's ID , second last number would be the person 's batch , third last number . . . Finally I asked him , could this method be used at present ? Sashidhar , who was sitting on the sidewalk divider , looked up at me , I looked at the other guy . Both of them nodded in negative . Nobody seemed to be bothered about the missing little girl . Was I the only one who knew about it ? Did I imagine Mahaveer telling me about the little girl ? Have I been doing too much detective work , as in searching for lost things that I 've started hallucinating ? I was to go to some place , somewhere far . Perhaps Andaman and Nicobar . I had to get myself registered for the trip , some days prior to the day of travel . I called in a travel agent . I heard a knock at my door . I saw myself walking in an old , perhaps 1 BHK flat towards the door . I asked the agent to come in but he seemed rather perturbed and wanted me to quickly sign the papers confirming my journey . I signed but his uneasiness made me doubtful as to what was bothering him . I didn 't ask . I offered him a beverage but he left in haste without a word . I concluded that maybe he wanted to cover maximum customers for a bonus or promotion . It rained heavily on the day of the journey . The heavy rain reminded me that for some reason I had been to Andaman and Nicobar some months before , and had a miserable experience . I decided to quit and was about to go to the office to cancel my journey when that agent crossed my mind . I picked up my bag , put on my hat , took my umbrella in my arm , looked back at my flat which only had a study table by the window and no other furniture , and only one bulb to light the room , I left for Andaman and Nicobar . I was at a party at a rich person 's house . The living room was almost packed with guests . It was an invitation only party and I had been invited because of something I was or something I had done , so I was there . The lights were dim and people were slow dancing on the music playing in the background . I felt isolated in the party because I knew limited number of people , all of whom were busy chit - chatting with others , slow dancing , and eating . I stood at a corner with my drink , looking at others . Next thing , I saw my high school friend at the party ! ! I was looking at her after many years but could recognize her because she looked quite the same . In that dress she was wearing , and under the dim bluish lighting and slow music , I found her beautiful . I saw her chatting with a married couple and smiling pleasantly . I had always liked her more than a friend . We met like old buddies meet after years . She was a joyous sense of relief in that boring party . We talked for sometime , then she suddenly left me and went to talk to others . She said she would be back in a bit but she wasn 't . I felt isolated again . I went to refill my drink ( which was non - alcoholic , btw ) when I met the hostess . She asked me for a favor and I agreed to do it . But while doing it I realized my mistake . Doing that favor was more boring than standing alone like a statue in that party . Two ladies whom I had seen standing at a corner , just like me , joined me at what I was doing , as if they were looking for something to do . None of the two would speak , only stare at me , at what I was doing . They looked like twin sisters , only they didn 't look alike . Some idiot in a leather jacket , started chit - chatting with the hostess who was standing beside me and the twin ladies . Before she could ask him for the same favor , he offered his services , probably to have a good impression on her . Either he had a crush on that lady , or his mommy must have told him to do so , because the favor wasn 't worth any good impression or riches ! Thank you , I said to him and left my work to him . I saw my friend standing in isolation with her drink at the spot I stood for most of the party , aloof in her thoughts . I went to her and in our casual conversation , told her my feelings about her . She gave me the exact reaction I had expected . She said it was very sweet of me and that she also liked me but some things had changed in past few months that at the moment she wasn 't ready for any such commitment . I persisted , because I had fell in love with her all over again in the moment I saw her for the first time after many years . I saw myself at a check post while leaving for home . There was some commotion because somebody said a terrorist had been caught . I got down from my jeep and went to check when I saw Ragunathan sir talking to other policemen or some other security agency personnel . He was their senior , I learned , and was congratulating them on their success and motivating them to keep up the good work . I saw a person looking at all of them with a disgust on his face . I could guess he was the terrorist . He offered me Rs . 90 if I allowed him to walk away and not tell the police that he was running away . He said he only had that much money with him . I refused . He reduced the offer to Rs . 50 and I asked him , " Do you even know how to count ? " He was taken away . I rode back to home in my gypsy . My mother wasn 't feeling well so we had to leave . My sister , mother and some friend was sitting behind in the gypsy . My father was staying at some other place . I saw us driving my the streets of Persia , as shown in the game , ' Prince of Persia ' . I thought of my work and that there were some people I didn 't like at my department , but due to joining of some new people , that dislike had been lessened , as if the new people act like neutralizers . I started thinking of numerology and also trying to find a relation between first alphabet of names of people I keep away from in my department and the new people in my department . While such thoughts occupied my mind , I saw kids playing on the street as we took a turn to the right . Most of the city was stone floored and each road had either houses or a wall on either side . I get a phone call from the same terrorist even before we are able to drive out of the city . He threatens me that since I didn 't help him escape , he 'll make my life miserable . He started telling me what all damage he could possibly do and I start feeling scared . His voice and mannerism of speaking made me laugh but I controlled myself , lest I 'd offend him even more . My mother wasn 't feeling well , my sister was with me , I had a girlfriend now and we were still away from home , driving on strange roads . Suddenly I see myself doing push - ups , and then I see another self of mine jogging on the streets of the city , as shown in ' Prince of Persia ' . Could that be my alter - ego ? Or my own self preparing for the future ? Atul was sick , so I took him to a hospital where a girl worked as a nurse who used to be in my school , one year junior to me . She was so pretty and I had a big time crush on her . On reaching the hospital , with atul hanging on my shoulder with his arm , I realized the hospital was a military hospital and Atul would have a hard time there . Atul screamed like a baby when he got injections and whenever I visited him , he begged me to take him to some other hospital ! I did meet the girl from my school . She had come to check on Atul . I saw her in her group of nurses giggling in the corridor for some stupid reason . I wanted to say " hi " when our eyes met but refrained from doing so . She was still so pretty , the only beautiful thing ( like sunshine ) in the morose ambiance of the hospital . Since her first visit , Atul had stopped complaining about the hospital . : ) I saw myself with my sister walking into a colony we had lived in , few years ago . The first house to the left , in the row of houses as one entered the colony looked familiar to us , perhaps because one of our friends lived there . The door was locked from inside but nobody replied to our bell ring . We walked around the house and entered through the backdoor . Most of the house was marooned but for a pizza box that I found lying on the floor in one empty room close to the main door . I looked at it , then found it open but untouched . I looked at the date , more than a year old but the pizza didn 't smell stale . I had this English assignment due next month . I was at home , because somebody had died in the family and everybody was very sad about it . I managed to write some pages , almost half the assignment , till my last day at home . With a few days to spare before submission day , I stood outside in the train , planning my strategy to complete the assignment . When I reached hostel I realized I had left my assignment at home . : ( Later , I saw myself with a lady in white saree , who had some awesome gadgets . She helped me get my assignment transferred from home to college . My sister thouPosted by 1 . I saw myself pleading to Atul and Prashant that they teach me for an exam . I did so for a few hours till 8 am . When I started to study for the exam , I looked at my watch and the time is 8 : 20 am , 10 minutes before exam . I lost my temper , and started hitting Atul . Atul hit back , playfully at first but when he saw that I wasn 't fooling around , he got serious too . Meanwhile , Prashant slips away for exam I guess . We sparred for few minutes , landed few blows on each other and finally we were on the floor , bleeding . I then saw us on the hospital bed . My plan worked . . . we gave the exam later . : D : P2 . This was during morning time in bus from Pune to Hyderabad : I saw them transfer some plants to main field . One of the plants couldn 't stand in its water filled space and its shoot got submerged in water . In my attempt to help , I pulled it out and put it straight when no one else dared to touch it . Something from the plant stuck to my fingertips and it had teeth . It bit me . : ( ( although I think I did wake up because of the bite , not sure though ! ) 3 . 3rd Feb 2010 early morning : I saw a lady sitting in front of her dressing table looking in the tall oval mirror . Suddenly her groom comes into the room who looks like a zombie . The zombie attacks her and after initial struggle , tears off her left hand and part of her right hand . She bleeds and shrieks in pain . Her would be mother - in - law comes into the tent room . The groom zombie rushes out of the tent room and into the woods . The bride goes after him , concerned . The would be mother - in - law goes after them , then stops the bride and says , " Oh , you look so beautiful for the wedding ! " 4 . 20th March 2010 early morning : I was dying . I had a disease that the doctor did know about but he said he could never understand the nature of that disease and that disease always puzzled him . He said that a cure does exist , he gives me a prescription for the medicine but says that medicine would take few months to arrive , and I might be dead before the medicine arrived . I saw myself sitting alone in Posted by I saw myself making a trip to some weird city . They had spacious toilet space like big halls . Some relative of mine , an uncle or a cousin , and I with backpacks on them , traveled to that city on foot , on bike , and train or some public transport . I also saw us jumping from one floating ( in air ) particle to other during last few hundred meters away from the city . We got very strange reception from the city and its people . The people talked rudely to us and to each other even when they didn 't seem so . I observed that the city was mostly deserted and I remember mostly finding the cleaners in the city , cleaning I wonder what ! I remember packing for the same trip , a week later , deciding on clothes and accessories . The second trip was also to be a two day stay there . I saw my father talking to me about the trip and how he appreciated that I was helping out the family ! ( This dream was probably inspired by Arrested Development , a TV show whose finale I finished watching yesterday night . ) I saw myself as a warrior from a different era because many men dressed as warriors from Spartan 's era visited me and convinced me to return , realize my roots and destiny . I remember one of the men saying , " You are destined to be a warrior , what are you even doing here ? " looking down upon the work I did . I was an employee in a corporation . : D On insistence of my colleagues , I tried drinking and smoking after initial hesitation . I didn 't feel any beginner 's discomfort . The first puff of smoke from my lungs was liberating and whiskey was so smooth ! Everyone was surprised ! Later at home , I heard my father talking about whiskey . I realized that my parents had asked me never to drink or smoke . Innocently , I asked father more about whiskey and how it tastes . He seemed to like whiskey and praised it , but didn 't offer me a chance to drink ! : PI saw myself as a kid , in a large area surrounded by net . My friends and I were waiting for the boxing training when we all got an option to do attend something else instead , which was something silly and quite boring , but harmless ! I just got up and walked out of the net and joined the queue for the other activity . My good friend looked at me , surprised ( Arpit Khasgiwala , I think ) . Some distance from the net , I looked back and saw my friends and others sitting on the sand area lighted from top and surrounded by net . I realized I was leaving behind my great chance of learning how to fight and endure pain . I left the queue , jogged back to the net . My friend saw me , knew my concerns , punched me hard in the face . I fell back on the sand , my nose bleeding a little and my head still confused . " Welcome back ! " he said , offered his hand . I grabbed it and he pulled me up . Maybe he was my friend who later convinced me to return and embrace my destiny of a warrior ! : D Hi ! I am working as a researcher and a developer at Tata Research , Development and Design center , Pune . I am a retired member of Madhapur Toastmasters . I like watching movies , sitcoms and reading novels . I enjoy writing .

by Ingrid Prohaska I was in an ugly mood that day . I remember only a few days in my life when I was in such a bad mood . The sun was shining outside and it was a really warm day in early summer but I had those destructive thoughts about my life . Well with one word I couldn 't stop looking on my dark side . Sinking deeper and deeper into the swamp of that part of my soul I thought about what I couldn 't have reached yet and why I was such a loser . Nearly on the bottom of my black thoughts I spoke out loud , " Is there anybody on earth who really needs me ? " And I started crying . My hand just reached for a handkerchief when I heard a gentle voice saying very shyly , " Hey you , I need you . " I was really surprised wondering who was speaking because I was very sure that I was alone . I looked around and saw - a little figure looking at me ; expecting how I would react . The figure was hardly to describe , maybe half of a meter tall , somehow transparent like a piece of fog in the form of a little human , the contour very weak , but with a pleasant charisma , somehow like - able and somehow even familiar . " Who are you ? " I asked . " I 'm Somebody , " the little figure answered , " and I need you . You can help me . " " I don 't think that I can help somebody . I even can 't help myself . " I replied . " But … " its voice sounded a bit sad , but then - this little figure actually started singing , " You are the sunshine of my life … " I had to laugh , but immediately very serious again I said , " Stop singing . You make me laugh . " " What 's wrong when you are laughing ? " the little Somebody wanted to know and started singing again , " You are the sunshine of my life … " " Stop it ! " I shouted , " Don 't you see that I 'm in a bad mood ? " The little Somebody looked at me very sadly . " I love you , " the little Somebody said very softly , " I trust you . And I know you can help me . " Its eyes looked at me very gently and warmly , and its words touched me . " So , how do think I can help you ? " I asked a bit moRead more » by Ingrid ProhaskaWalking through the life the mirror always in front of me no view into the future only a look into a reflection of the past . Du und ich - ich und Du the only thing between us is the mirror . Just a step through the mirror is all I have to do landing in the present of the other side the future lies in front of me . Du und ich - ich und Du will be one right there . Just a step through the mirror is all I have to do finding more I can imagine , even Jeanny 's * waiting here , no need for desire anymore . Du und ich - ich und Du is one right now . Just a step through the mirror was all I had to do which side is reality ? Die Zeit steht still . You and I - I and you eins sein right now . Recently I was asked about my life history and that reminded me on a CV written in summer 2007 . That time I was attending my first english lessons . We had to do homework and should write a CV about ourselves or a person we wanted to talk about . I decided to introduce my class " The Girl in the Mirror " . I can 't remember our first meeting , but I know I met her when she was about 4 years old . There was an invitation to a carnival festivity in kindergarten . She wanted to be " Pippi Langstrumpf " . Her mother dressed her , made those typical plaits and painted freckles into her face . She looked out of the mirror and - I was shocked - and she started crying , " No , no mum that 's not me ! " I really felt strange about her look . I know I met her at the age of 10 . She had a new haircut . She looked at me out of the mirror I think a hundred times that day . I thought she was really good looking . I felt like she was looking like . I met her again at the age of 13 . Her face had become spotty . I felt mercy with her , but - I didn 't like her face . I couldn 't feel like she was looking like . I met her again at the age of sweet 16 . She had got her first kiss that night . I thought , " That is a kissed girl looking like ? " I missed something in her eyes . I met her again in the age of 22 . She lived together with her boyfriend . She had started a serious life , had started to wear serious clothes and had a serious haircut . I didn 't like the woman in the mirror . I felt strange about the woman I saw . She split up , she changed the job , she started to study , she moved the apartment . She was on holiday . When she looked out of the mirror I was pleased to see her . I felt like she was looking like . She worked too much , she had a lot of stress , she missed time for herself , she missed love , she looked for happiness . She couldn 't find what she missed . The woman in the mirror looked old , had hard features , small dim eyes , her mouth was just a line . I couldn 't stand the woman in the mirror . I didn 't want to feel how she was looking like . She quitted her job , she took up her study again , she started to enjoy life . She was 36 . When I met her that time I said , " Hey Lady in the mirror you look better ! " Today is the anniversary of my mother 's death and this story is about it . I thought a lot about if I should publish it , but for me that day is much more than the day my mother died . I think being so close to death was the most important happening in my life and since that day I have a new and for me a special view on living , loving and dying . For me started a new life that day . I will leave you now alone with my story . I hope you will enjoy reading it . It all started with my mother 's heart operation on 9th November 2006 . It was a very bad day in fact , the operation wasn 't as successful as the doctors had expected . It was nearly midnight when I left the hospital , the words of the doctor still in my head , " She has a two percent chance at surviving the night . " But I wasn 't allowed to stay with her ; they actually sent me home , but they promised to phone if her end should come . I went to the underground , only a handful people were waiting for the last train . I walked along the platform when I heard my mother 's voice behind me somehow above , " Hallo Puppe , " she said , " was ist los ? " And automatically I started telling her what the matter was . I told her all I knew about the operation , everything I did that day , to whom I spoke , where I had waited , when I had a meal , when I smoked a cigarette . I told her every detail . That was the day when I started speaking to her . When I was with her in hospital - they had sent her into an artificial sleep - I spoke to her , I told her everything from outside , about my everyday , told her everything I saw in the moment , told her stories about our past , and I talked to her about our future plans . I was sure she understood my words . Sometimes she moved her closed eyes as if she wanted to answer . by Ingrid Prohaska They said " This is her last chance . " And a day full of hope began with a beautiful sunrise behind my mother 's bed ; and I said - I said - I said " This must be a good day " They brought her into a room ; There was no sun ; and I said - I said - I said to her , " We 'll see each other soon " I walked around , the time went by , I asked for her ; And they said - they said - they said " Stay calm , not all is alright . " I walked around , the time went by , I asked for her ; And they said - they said - they said She has only a little chance . " They sent me home , they promised to phone , because they said - they said " She will die . " and I said " No , she won 't . " Time went bygood days , bad daysand they said - they said - they always said " She will die . " and I said " No , she won 't . " One day I asked her " Do you want to go ? " and I felt she said - she said " No , I don 't . " Time went bybad days , worse daysAnd I just said " Please stay with me ! " But then I felt she said - she said " I want to go . " The day camewhen they phonedand they said - they said - they said " She 's dying now . " And I said " No , not today . Any day but not today . Why should she take that step ? She couldn 't come back ! " And a ray of sunshine on that foggy dayreached my mother 's face . And I saidholding her handand kissing her cheek " We 'll see each other again . " And they said - they said - they just said " She 's dead . " And I said , " No , she is alive ! " And , dear God , I hear herwhen she says - she says , " Don 't cry for me dear child . I 'm with you all the time . " Copyright © 2008 Ingrid Prohaska _ I was about three years that fall , but I can remember that scene as if it had happened yesterday . I see us walking through the wood , my grandpa held my left hand . My right hand swung with the rhythm of my steps . I wore my new ocher yellow wool - coat my mother had made for me . I can see the large pine - trees around swaying and rushing with the wind and the soft pine - needle - covered path we walked on ; the roots of the trees rose out of the ground and the path was even so wide that two people could walk together . Every time we had a rest in that small inn in the middle of the wood . The cottage was built half of stone and half of wood ; it had two levels and an open but roofed room built on the house for the guests in the warm seasons . The daily business happened in the basement , the room in the higher level was only used for festivities . So we went downstairs into the warm dark wooded guest - room . The interior was simple and practical , but comfortable enough to sit in there for a long while . Opposite the entrance door on the left hand I can see the bar with all the bottles and I can also see that small show - case low enough that I could have a look into it . There they had the sweets and also the chocolates . One of them would be mine in a few moments . On the right hand there stood the jukebox . We normally sat down on the table left the door ; my grandpa under the small window and I over the corner to him . The table right the door was occupied with regular guests , all male , drinking , chatting , laughing , playing cards . Once upon a time there was a little girl living in a small town . Everybody loved her . She was the sunshine of her family and had a lot of friends . Time went by and the little girl started going to school . She was looking forward to learning whatever she could , because she felt she could become someone great . Sitting still wasn 't easy for her and sometimes she would rather have looked out of the window than follow the teacher . But she learned easily and so everyone was satisfied with her . The little girl noticed that they were watching her and she started feeling insecure . She recognized that her friends were walking and running . But she was only able to move by - dancing . Her friends felt strange about the way the little dancer moved . Some friends felt mercy with her , some others laughed at her " Look at her , she can 't move right ! " The little dancer felt sad . " Why can 't I be like the others ? The only thing I want is for the others to like me . " So the little dancer began looking at her friends and she began studying , how they walked and ran . She really tried hard and she gave her best to walk and to run like her friends did . But although she tried so hard , it didn 't work . The others walked so well , that she couldn 't follow . She was always a few steps behind the others . Time went by and the little dancer grew up . She had lost many of her friends , because she wasn 't really able to walk in the right way . She started looking for what was wrong with her . The more she tried walking like the others , the more she failed . She felt sad and unhappy . The friends she had when she was a child seemed so happy . They had their professions , they had founded their own families , they had already found their ways . The dancer tried to find her own way , but sometimes it seemed impossible for her to find her happiness . She felt emptiness around her . But she was still dreaming about love and happiness . Her dreams became her biggest treasure . Sometimes she put on her dancing - shoes and danced secretly . All her sorrows were gone while she was dancing . She felt happy in these moments . One evening the dancer looked at the stars . She often did this , while she was dreaming . One of the stars she liked more than the others . Its light seemed brighter than the light of all the other stars . And sometimes she thought that this one star was dancing . Suddenly she heard the star speaking to her " Do you want to dance with me ? Come on , dance with me " the star said . The dancer was surprised . " Dance with me " the star repeated " You are a dancer . And you look very beautiful when you dance . " The dancer began to understand what had been wrong all the years . She put on her dancing - shoes and started dancing . And suddenly - she heard the music in her life . " Sorry , may I introduce myself . I 'm Captain Heart , commander on this ship . And this " , pointing to the other person , " is Chief Engineer Belly . He makes sure that everything is working in the right way . We both lead you through your life . We know the sea , we know the route , we know every iceberg . But we really need a reliable sailor . If you want that job you can get it . " Still eating she continued , " One day after the flowering time they lose their petals and it is time to grow up to a plum . First very small and insignificant , later bigger and green . And every ray of sunshine helps the plum to become a violet - blue and sweet fruit . Could be that the plum enjoys its life . " After eating a few plums she continued , " But the ripeness goes together with the decision of the further destiny . The plum could be picked from the tree and eaten - life is over . Or the plum could be picked and transported - there is still hope of a further living . But it will be - like these plums in the glass - that the plum comes into a fruit - fabric . There it will be stoned and will be put together with other its unknown plums in one of these glasses . " Still eating the plums one after another she continued , " But it could also be that the plum is lucky , is overlooked and is let on the tree . Perhaps the plum has leaves as friends and they have hidden it . So the plum has the chance to ripe completely until it doesn 't like to keep on the tree anymore . Then the plum falls to the ground and with good luck it rolls towards a place , where it can not be found . In time its friends the leaves will follow and they will cover the plum . " I felt very bad that day and so I decided to have a walk into the nature to get out of my bad mood . I didn 't think about where I should go and ran around just following my nose . I reached a wall and walked along it . It was shady on this side of the wall and so it was cold . I longed for sun and warmth and the desire of getting to the other side of the wall grew up . I walked along the dark side of the wall , hoping that I could find a way to get to the other side of the wall , the light side . I looked for a door or a hole to get though or a suitable place to climb over the wall . But I wasn 't successful . In time I felt tired and cold ; that not enough it had started raining and the rain got worse . I found a dry place under a tree . I sat down , snuggled myself into the coat to warm myself , listened to the raindrops falling on the leaves and closed my eyes . I saw me walking along the dark side of the wall , hoping that I could find a way to get to the other side of the wall , the light side . Suddenly I found the door . It was easy to open and I got into a very beautiful garden . The garden was very big , I couldn 't see an end . I saw large blooming trees and a seemingly endless meadow full of flowers ; one flower more beautiful than the others ; birds were singing ; the sun was shining and warming me . I took off my coat . I enjoyed what I saw and what I heard . I felt that everything was alright . " What a beautiful garden , " were the only words I could find . " You did a step into your dream , " she explained and continued , " You can stay as long as you like . But before you leave the garden again please pick one of these flowers and take it with you . " " Isn 't the flower dying when it is picked ? " I asked her sorrowful . She smiled and answered , " The flower is living as long as your dream is living . " Although there were flowers everywhere it was an easy choice for me which of all these flowers I 'd like to take with me . I stepped into the meadow and picked one flower . I felt that this one belonged to me . I held it near my chest and smelled its sweetness . " So take care of your dream flower , " she said and repeated , " Live your dream and the flower lives too . " I opened my eyes and I felt warm . I had a smile on my face . I looked around and saw my coat beside me . The rain had stopped , the birds were singing again . My right hand lay on my heart and my fingers were still holding the imagined flower . I stood up , still smiling . The dark side of the wall wasn 't as dark as before . This imagined flower seemed to lighten the darkness . I continued my way easily and full of hope . On that Friday afternoon I drove my car on the highway out of the city . A lot of others did the same , so there was a lot traffic , but it worked fluently . After a few miles I noticed the brake lights of the cars in front of me . The traffic stood still and so I had to stop my car . I looked around . In front of me cars as far my sight could reach . Left of me cars and behind me the number of cars got more and more . I saw the fields and the meadows , a small forest and a brook winding its path through the scene . Far away I noticed a village ; I could see the tower of the village - church . And I saw a country lane leading to the village ; a single car was driving there seemingly slowly . I hadn 't thought about what I did , when I turned the steering wheel to the right and drove my car towards the slope . I heard some horns trying to alert me while my car was rolling down the slope . I reached the bottom of the slope and felt the car setting up . The car rolled out on a meadow . I opened the window and sighed relieved . I always had troubles with my plants and Mr . Greenleaf was known as the man with the green thumb . I told him about my problems and so I came into his little paradise . I went on a stoned path . Beside the path were flowers , each more beautiful than the others . You could feel that he really loved his work in the garden . " Follow me " Mr . Greenleaf went towards his glasshouse . " Oh , what a beautiful flower ! " I said when I saw this flower . I thought , it was the most beautiful plant , I could see in his garden . " What is your secret ? " I asked . We went into the glasshouse and stopped at a sack of seeds . He took a handful seeds and let them ran through his fingers . " They all have the same genes " he told me " you can handle them right or wrong . " He moved his arm to follow him . He stopped at a table . Many pots stood on the table . " First you put the seed in a pot with good earth . The earth outside is too hard for a seed . The seed 'll have only a very small chance of sprouting . " He chose a pot and while he hold the pot with his right hand , his left hand moved into a big pot with good wet earth and he put the earth into a small pot . Then he put the seed in the middle of the pot and pressed it with his thumb into the earth . " So , this seed has its chance " he smiled . " But now all depends on our care . Give the seed enough water , but not too much . Take care that the air is wet enough and that the seed gets enough sun . It needs warm air . Handle the seed with care , do it with love , give the seed time , be patient . If everything is all right , a few weeks later you 'll see a sprout . It is always a great pleasure for me when the sprout appears . But this is only the beginning . The sprout also needs the same care . Handle the sprout with care , do it with love and - don 't laugh at me - I always speak to the sprouts . A few weeks later you have seen the sprout grown up . Now you can put the pot outside during the day . But bring it inside for the night . It could be too cold for the plant . Keep patient and keep handling the plant with care , give love to it and well - speak to the plant . You 'll see , a few weeks later you can see the first flower buds . The plant is now strong enough to put it outside . Continue to handle it with care , give love to it and - maybe speak to it . One day the buds will be open and you will be happy . The flower will give you a lot of pleasure ; you will see . So , all over I tell you : Be careful , you can have seeds with the best genes . If you don 't handle them with care and love , they only have a little chance to become what they could have become . " Copyright © 2007 Ingrid Prohaska My steps got slower . I really wanted to know where the music was coming from . I was planning on leaving my apartment , planning on leaving the town . So I spent a lot of time in the staircase , moving up and down the stairs to carry my things into my car . And so I had heard this music several times that day . A middle - aged man opened the door . He was a handsome man and he had this really bright eyes . You know , that kind of eyes that let you staring at somebody , that kind of eyes that make you bounded . " Excuse me , Sir " I whispered , " I heard the music coming out of your apartment and I want to ask you , who had written it . It is my last day in this house and I 'd like to buy the song . Could you please tell me the title and the name of the composer ? " " Oh , " he answered , " I 'm sorry , but I think , I can 't help you . This music isn 't available . You can 't buy it . " " Oh , " my eyes fell , " what a pity , I really have fallen in love with this music . " " So , come in , if you want to . " He said quickly . I didn 't think about what I was doing in this moment and suddenly I was in his apartment and he closed the door behind us . " This music isn 't available . " he repeated " It never has been published , but if you want to listen to it , I will play it for you . " He took a chair for me to take a seat . I nodded and sat down . He went to his piano and started playing . I didn 't know how long I had sat there . This magic music conquered my heart and I felt every cell in my body was swinging . I had closed my eyes and even didn 't want to open them after the music was over . There was a great silence . I didn 't know how long I had sat there . I felt a lot of emotions and I felt tears running over my face . I opened my eyes . He was still sitting at his piano staring at me .

I was supposed to meet my mother at a café by the sea . She would be dressed in the same jacket that I had picked out for her five years ago . She would have on a high - crowned hat , but I wasn 't sure about the shoes . She loved shoes and she always had new ones when she came to visit . She liked leather ankle boots . She might be wearing some when she stepped off the train , looking out for puddles . She didn 't wear much make - up . I don 't remember her ever using powder , although I 'm sure she did . I could describe her eye make - up more precisely : a little eye shadow , a little mascara , and that 's all . That 's all ? I don 't know my mother . As a child , I lived too much in my own world and it was only after I left home that I was able to look at her from far enough away to learn to know her . She had been so near that I hadn 't noticed her . I ground some coffee , spooned the grounds into the pot , and put it on the stove . My apartment was clean , just in case . I hadn 't asked my mother if she planned to stay over or wanted to go home in the evening . We never talked about that ahead of time . The cat rubbed up against my ankle . I gave him some kibble , poured water into his cup , and sat down to wait . I looked out into the yard . It was going to be a beautiful day . I watched the cat . He was beautiful , too . When I 'd moved from the halls of residence into my studio apartment , I had called Meleena and asked if she still needed a home for her nameless cat . The cat had moved in that same day , but I didn 't give him a name either . I gave him a litter box , a blanket , and a piece of padding . He sniffed every corner , circled the room , and leapt into closets to see how the place looked from the shadows . Then he sat down in the middle of the floor and licked himself . After the washing , he turned his head , stared at me , and miaowed . He knew this was home . When the coffee was done I went to my desk . The cat jumped up and marched with his tail in the air to stand under my hand on the windowsill and look out at the sparrows . I watched them , too . Me and the cat , watching the sparrows as they fluttered their wings on the balcony . He liked the smell of coffee , and so did I . The sun dawdled behind a brick house . Chubby kids from poor families were scuffling on the lawn . The heaviest one laid down in defeat , and one of the others bit his foot , another pulled his hair . On the asphalt , a girl was kissing a boy . The girl 's mother threw a pair of panties from the balcony and hit the boy in the head . The girl yelled at her . She laughed and the sparrows took off towards the clouds . She went inside and fell down onto the sofa , still laughing and kicking with her feet , seemingly unable to stop . I saw all this clearly ; a gleaming , wondrously beautiful April moment . The cat wanted me to play . When I didn 't pay him any attention , he climbed up my leg and pressed his whiskers against my neck . The game was simple : I tugged on a piece of string and he followed it . Sometimes he stalked , sometimes he ran so that his claws clicked against the floor . He ran until he was panting , and I heard his little lungs puffing . He looked happy . Nine lives and one death . I watched the cat , and I loved him . He was easy to love . You 're dead , so you 're lighter , I thought , and the pastor must have thought the same thing . The pastor said , ' You 're dead now , so you 're lighter , and we 've come to bury you . Your body is in its coffin and you are heavier than the casket . He who has ears , let him hear . ' I was sitting on a sloping pew . A hymn was sung . After the hymn we prayed with our hands clasped . Then bright flowers were spread over the coffin . White handkerchiefs , clean white handkerchiefs , a long carpet up the aisle , dark corners where the white thread was indistinguishable from the black , hiding places , secret chambers where only the pastor could go , and even he only surreptitiously . The babies didn 't cry . The man in the back row stopped coughing . The trembling old man next to the cougher fell quiet . The coffin swung along the carpet . Six men in black suits carried the light body , but they were panting , because the coffin was heavy . Their faces shone palely . Pale until they reddened and then turned as black as their black suits . We walked behind the coffin out of the church , the church doors gave way and the clobbering whiteness of the churchyard burned our eyes . The pallbearers arrived at the grave first . They lowered the coffin onto the boards and waited . I could hear them panting . The birds heard it , too , and sang more loudly , but not too loudly , because then their throats would have become sore . ' That happens sometimes in the summer , ' said the grey - haired old man who had been sitting next to the cougher . ' But only rarely . The last time was before the wars . Back then the birds became too hoarse to sing . They couldn 't compete with the noise of the human machines . ' The mourners gathered at the edge of the pit . Men and women with faces and men and women without faces , who were carefree because their brains weren 't there . The walls of the grave were yellow and slippery . It was a good place to lie down . No one would want out of that earth , except for certain bones , little disobedient bones like the radius , the hammer and anvil . The children in the area collected them and held dark markets in root - cellars . The pastor began again . I knew he would . I even guessed that the pastor wanted to say a few more words about the deceased . ' I 'd like to say a few more words about the deceased , ' the pastor said , and looked at us sternly . No one would take it into their head to shut him up . ' As a young man , you went voluntarily to war , ' the pastor began . ' Your platoon was in the middle of a forest . You heard groans and the rumble of weapons farther off . At the foot of a tree , you found a Russian sentry hiding . His machine gun had frozen . You thought about what to do . You couldn 't shoot him , because it would have revealed your position to the enemy . They had superior force and you needed the element of surprise . So you had to think of a quiet method . You decided to take an axe and sneak up behind him . You were the only one in your platoon soulless enough to do that kind of thing . When you 'd made up your mind , you raised your weapon and struck . The man 's pointed cap fell off . And so did his hair , and his head . The man tumbled sideways , his head splattered . That was that . You stood staring at the sight , very pleased . They cheered you afterward . You had saved the platoon . Because of your work , they succeeded in surrounding the enemy and mowing them all down . They gave you an extra bread ration . They gave you wool socks , a drink of vodka , a medal . A tight - lipped colonel pinned a medal on your chest . ' We need men like you , ' he said . That winter it was so cold that the birds fell frozen from the trees and left holes in the shape of birds in the crust of snow . Among the holes were criss - crossing cat tracks that were broad , the way cat 's paws are when they 're plumped up for a hard freeze . Then spring shoved the cold through to the next winter . Summer arrived , another war came , and it , too , ended . There were no acts of heroism . On the contrary , Marshal Mannerheim marched back to his spartan home straight as a stick . When you got home , you fathered so many children that you couldn 't keep them fed . While your wife got thinner , you became a heavy man . You couldn 't fit through the front door . You decided to stay on the sofa . You lay on it until it sat at a slant . Your nose sank into your face . Your wife washed your folds . Your children climbed on your belly like it was a woodpile . You told your children violent stories of the war till they crapped themselves . You told them how the colonel had said that they needed men like you , but you didn 't know who needed them or what they needed them for . You didn 't want to think about that , insofar as you managed to think at all . You reminded one of dough more than a person . You may have put some of your boys in the orphanage when there got to be too many of them . Your wife languished and turned into a string . She died and was buried . You took another . You lived with her till the end of your life . Three days before you died the doorbell rang . That alone was a wonder , you never had visitors . Your wife ran to the door . A handsome man stood there . A boy and a girl cowered behind him . ' I 'm your son , but you 're not my father , ' the man blurted , peering at the slanting sofa over your wife 's shoulder . The girl and the boy didn 't say anything . They were afraid of the grandfather that they had never seen . ' We aren 't here to pass judgement for your deeds ; God alone can do that . God sees what 's right and what 's wrong . He is ever watchful , and his ten fingers extend over all the land . He loves not the tree , but its fruit , unlike man , who loves the tree and hates the fruit . He who has ears , let him hear . ' So said the pastor , and finished his sermon with a furious prayer . We sang a hymn . The pallbearers lowered the coffin into the grave like an elevator car . That 's when I realised that my grandfather was dead . We slapped some sand down on top of him . He didn 't hear the patter on the lid of the coffin . He finally slept soundly . He hadn 't done evil in his life , except to the Russian soldier and the son that he sent away , who grew up to be my father . My grandfather had meant well in everything he did . He was disappearing under the gravel . Soon we couldn 't see his coffin at all . There were a lot of people there tossing dirt in . The mound was covered with boards and flowers . The pallbearers handed the cloths to the sexton . He rolled them up and ran off to a wedding with the pastor . I peed in my pants . My mother grabbed me by the hand . My father grabbed my sister by the hand . Copper and silver . We cut a clearing in the crowd like it was a forest . We drove through the town , reeking of brimstone . We passed the statue of Marshal Mannerheim , the playing fields , City Hall and the market . The sky wasn 't blue , so you could see that the end extended this far . The sky was one great firebrand . At home I looked into a spoon and saw my eyeball blistering like the back of an old mirror . My mother and father had gone into the bedroom and slammed the door . My sister had veered off to the backyard with Toni . Animals that were smaller than people came to me for shelter . They all had the same urgency . They had an urge to fly back and forth , but they didn 't have any wings . Some tried to run , but they couldn 't find their paws . I didn 't yell because there wasn 't any air to yell with , I just struggled for air , but it had run out . It was terribly cold , so cold that it felt hot . I was still chilled . I pushed the blankets off , got up , and went into the bathroom to take off my wet pyjamas . I changed into dry clothes and went into the kitchen . In the kitchen the chill returned , but when I had eaten three slices of oat bread , I felt warm again . I gave my mother a fairly long hug . She asked if I had had another nightmare . My mother could see through me . I was her glass son , blabbing all my secrets . I said I 'd been at my grandfather 's funeral . My mother said it was just a dream , both of my grandfathers were still alive . I went into the living room and hugged my father . Hug your dad more , that 's what he 's for , I said , and laughed along with him . The floor rumbled . The crystal beads on the wall sconces trembled , although my mother had forbidden us to rattle them . I was remembering my grandmother and the pins that used to fall out of her hair . As a child , I didn 't even understand that they were coming from my grandmother 's head , because her hair was brown and the pins didn 't show . I found them everywhere , under the sofa and chair , in the kitchen pantry , on the carpet and under the red bookshelf . Those were exciting times . The pins kept showing up , but only until Grandma 's hair turned grey and they could be seen clearly . She started to forget little things , then bigger things , but never the really big things . She remembered names - my father 's , my mother 's , Aliina 's and lastly mine . Sometimes she remembered her two brothers who had died before 1920 . The older one died in a Red camp , and the younger one died with the Whites . But when I was a child , I didn 't know who the Reds and the Whites were . I thought they were tin soldiers , and they were , smiling men who were soon to die in a field or somewhere outside of Tampere . I collected the pins in a tin can . I took them out of the tin can and put them in my pocket . They measured out the time . They were parts from my grandmother that kept her alive , although she would eventually die . And she did die . I sat next to her . I listened to what she said . We all listened ; Mum , Dad , Aliina and I ; everyone that she remembered , or kept unforgotten . Grandma looked at us and said that our children would have a reason to hear the truth . What truth ? Aliina and I asked . That I 'm not your grandmother and you 're not my grandchildren . That 's what Grandma said . Aliina and I were sent into the other room , not because of the revelation but because Grandma needed to pee . Apparently my mother and father thought it wouldn 't be good for us to see an old woman pee . The next night , Grandma died . She had barked all night like a dog and we hadn 't been able to sleep , although we slept downstairs - we hadn 't been sleeping , we 'd been listening . Even then I had the pins in my pocket . They were in the breast pocket of my pyjamas . TMy father was adopted . I was told after Grandma died . My biological grandfather , as my father called him , was a fat man from Hämeenlinna . He was a war hero and many other things . What other things , I asked , war and noise interested me - I loved guns , cannons , swords , and tanks - what other things was he ? He was your grandfather and my father , Dad answered . He was and he wasn 't . I might have needed him , he continued , but he didn 't need me . He gave me away , and here I am . I hugged my father . It was a sad story . You won 't give me away , will you ? I asked , like a child in a black - and - white movie . No , I won 't give either of you away , Dad said , and held me more tightly than I remembered . I 'm born with an umbilical cord around my neck one March day in nineteen hundred seventy - three . I let out a yell , not in disappointment , but in the joy of escape . My mother and father have moved away from the spoon factory , first to Helsinki , and then to a neighbourhood where they can 't stand the pace . They 're going to move to a small town . On the edge of town , Mannerheim keeps walking purposelessly . The city - dwellers call themselves water people . One of them says one thing , the other says another . They love gossip , backbiting , and life . Aliina is two years old , a jealous older sister . She pulls my ears in secret , but she can 't get me to open my eyes , they 're hidden beneath my eyelids , which are flushed with blood . I don 't have any control over the movement of my limbs , I have a greedy mouth and I curl my toes when you tickle the bottom of my feet . I don 't open my eyes . I don 't want to see my sister . I want to see my mother . I am the darkness , I am the light that makes my mother shine . I am spring . I am the promise of summer , the promise that autumn won 't come . And I have a large head , but my thoughts are hidden , and they can 't get out because I have to wait until consciousness starts to clear away space in my mind . From that moment on I 'll be able to remember everything ; nothing I see , hear , or feel will ever be forgotten . I am the light , I am a smiling child , my mother gave birth to me so I would beg , the sun loves me . I babble to the moon , everyone loves me , and I reward everyone for that love ; I smile , laugh , sing , try not to cry so that I won 't make my lovers angry . I begin to fear sleep , and death . I begin to fear the thing whose name no living language knows , hapax legomenon . I give it the name Onopriyenko . I don 't dare say this god 's name out loud because that would mean death . I 'm afraid of death , I 'm afraid of sleep , because that 's when God will come and take me to a place that doesn 't exist , where there 's no one , and when I come back a hundred years will have passeAnd I am born and I grow and I sit in the middle of the floor in the shadow of the Greek cactus and draw . I hold the pencil tightly in my hand . The autumn sun shines through the just - washed windows and makes sun windows on the carpet . The arrangement of the living room isn 't unfamiliar to me . I know where the sofa is , where the armchair is , and the television , and table . What 's inside me is unfamiliar . Are you sad ? my mother asks as she walks past . I don 't answer . She stops . I 'm drawing a twisted face on a soldier . Her face is crushed . If only she wouldn 't do things to herself , if only she wouldn 't take medicine or run under the train … . My mother took me in her arms and I got to breathe her , the way you breathe before diving deep into the water , into the foundation , the cellar . Today isn 't Friday . Friday is past . It 's Saturday , and the house is clean . I sit on the floor in the shadow of the cactus and draw a crooked face on a soldier . My mother asks me why I 'm sad . I lie , and to prove my words I laugh loudly . My mother doesn 't believe me . I 'm the glass boy ; I can 't keep secrets . I don 't know how to lie , or how to tell the truth . She looks at me a long time , reaches out and takes hold of my face and asks what 's bothering me . I can 't answer ; there 's something in my throat . I put it there myself , a plug that prevents me from upsetting my mother and father - that plug doesn 't melt ; it stays in my throat for years , years , years . I don 't know what troubles my mother , I don 't know that inside my mother live two blackened babies who whimper at their wretched fate . I draw round fortresses , ghosts , and soldiers . I don 't draw them , I find them inside myself , surprised to find such wonderful pictures , a world that I 'd had a vague idea of . I make the invisible visible : beautiful princesses , great gates and deep moats that I draw by the hour without knowing why , my mother crouches down beside me , takes the paper in her hand and looks at it in silence . The drawing hasn 't stayed on the paper . I tell my mother that you shouldn 't go outside the edges . She nods , looks first at the picture , then at me . If you have troubles , she says , talk about them . I nod . The sun window creeps onto my drawing like a primeval animal . My mother gets up . There are flies in my neck , they rub their legs against their wings , I get up , we both stand , I have my mother 's joints , her vertebrae and spine , I am my mother and she is me - we can 't get it said , we don 't need to say it . If I have troubles I can 't put them into words , I turn mute , I stuff the fear down into my belly , I feel sick to my stomach , I cough up bile and bite my blanket in agIt 's two weeks before everything is back to normal . My mother 's face becomes whole . I see my mother laugh . I don 't know what happened . No one tells me . I don 't want to tell . In the morning I run to the kitchen to hug my mother . I have a mother , I have a father . They 're married and I am their son . I have a sister who takes the bigger of the two cardamom buns . The ancient order is restored . Soon I would see my mother . I would sit at the same table with her and listen to what she said , I would carry everything that I remembered with me : the sunny days under the maple tree , the rainy days with my nose in a book , the smell of boiled potatoes , or oat bread , copper , silver , and gold , a light blue shirt , a girl - boy mixed up and a god 's cold eyes , which are my eyes now . I really should write to my mother . I should tell my father as soon as we get a chance to talk , I should put into words the thing that 's been kept silent before . I wouldn 't know how to stop writing , or talking , the story would be heavy and light , a picture of things that happened , games that only I knew how to play , it would be an account of the garden , the apples , and the world 's most immovable unambiguity . I would talk about the cobblestones on Railway Square that clattered , moved by an unknown force , about the Latin on the frieze of the Ateneum Art Museum , the artists that saw us , the invisible crevices , I had plenty of time - my mother 's train hadn 't arrived yet - I decided to walk around the department store and see the statue of the Three Smiths and the Mannerheimintie street thundering with traffic and hear the hum of voices , the rhythmic panting . And when I 'd strolled to the café through Esplanadi Park , I would realise what my mother had wanted to tell me . A circle was drawn tight around these things , and no one ever stepped out of it .

Of the first six postcards from Natalie , I only have three . Mom was able to intercept the other three while I was at school or , after June , working a shift at the Tractor Supply Store . I wouldn 't even have known about them except that she made sure I knew , saved them until I got home before she ripped them into the smallest pieces her stiff - knuckled fingers could manage and set them on fire in her ashtray . She was angry at Nat but punishing me was the closest she could get now . I 'd manage to get a few pieces out of the garbage just singed after she went to sleep , every time , but Nat 's handwriting was so big and loopy that I 'd only get a few letters or a short word , an is or an I or a too . I wish now that I 'd kept them and tried to piece them back together like a scientist on one of those cop shows , but at the time it didn 't seem like a good idea to defy Mom straight - up like that . So I stared at them until I had taken everything I could from the letters , and from the pictures on the front , and then tucked them back in the trash and washed my hands . The three I did get , when Mom was the one working late , I saved of course . I hid them inside of a copy of Little Women that someone had given me as a present and I 'd never read . The first one was from not long after Nat left . It was from Ohio , Rock and Roll Hall of Fame , and it was all things are so good and so in love and talked about how Keith had gotten - stolen , since she didn 't say bought - her a silver ring with onyx chips that made a turtle . She drew a cartoon turtle at the bottom and signed it Love You Always Little Mandy , From Nat . The second one was from the Big Bend Family Campground in Michigan . They 'd been there a while , I guess , because she complained about having to send the same card twice . She said there weren 't that many to choose from . Also I figured out that they 'd picked up a puppy somewhere along the way because she was proud of having almost taught " Strider " not to hump on people even though Keith would laugh and egg it on . We 're a real family now ! she said , and the bottom of my throat squeezed for a moment , but I couldn 't be sad that she was happy . That was what someone like Mom did . And she signed it Love You Always Little Mandy again and turned the a in Mandy into a heart , and I felt better . The third one was from Sleeping Bear Dunes in Wisconsin . I could see that something had happened even before I read the words , because Nat 's handwriting was still big and slanted but the letters looked thinner and shakier . I hid in the bathroom with the shower running to read it , in case Mom came home and I was too distracted to hear her . Keith left , it said without a greeting . He did it the worst way , Mandy . I passed out partying last night and when I woke up I was under an old down tree in the woods and the fire was dead and he was gone . He took the car and Strider and my bag - everything . I woke up colder than I 've ever been . I don 't know what I 'll do now . I just feel sick and sad . I left the bathroom and hid the card with the others , and then I went back to the bathroom to throw up . I couldn 't tell why . I just knew that when I thought of Keith leaving her all alone to wake up under a dead tree full of bugs and rot , everything on my body prickled and I felt as though the whole world was full of nothing but humiliation the color of pencil lead . Part of me wanted to find Keith and punch him in the face while I screamed at the top of my lungs , and the other part of me knew that no matter how hard I punched or how loud I screamed it would never make this not have happened , would never again change the balance of the universe into one where people treated my beautiful big sister the way she deserved . Those two parts went in opposite directions and made my lunch come up . The next thing I did , after I drank a glass of water to take away the taste , was call Tractor Supply and quit with no notice . I might have had some thought that Nat would come home now , and that Mom might not let her in - although of course Mom would let her in , how else would she get her back to punish ? The real reason was that I knew that I couldn 't let Mom get her hands on any more of the cards . I made it through dinner as though everything was normal , and went to bed early . It was only when I was curled up on my side in the dark , trying not to think about Nat waking up all alone and confused , that I thought instead to wonder how she 'd gotten a postcard and a stamp if Keith had taken all her stuff with him . She must be ok , I told myself , if she got a postcard and a stamp . I finally told Mom I 'd quit a week or so later . She made a lot of remarks about how I was lazy and spoiled and worthless , but she was pleased to have me around all the time . I 'd known she would be . She could offload all the cooking onto me now , and all the laundry and the yard work too . Plus I think when Nat left it gave her the fear that I might leave someday too , but I couldn 't do that without any money coming in . I couldn 't do much without any money coming in . Just wait for the mail . One day I went to the library and used the computer to look up pictures of Sleeping Bear Dunes , to see if I could stare hard enough and see where Na might be , but I was antsy about Mom coming home early so I didn 't stay long . Before I left , though , I printed out a bunch of pictures - the ones that looked most like the postcard - for a dime a page . I hung them in my room on the back of the door . I stared at them long enough that I could see them in the dark . I get used to any new normal quickly , that 's a talent that I 've always had . In a few weeks my life had always been about waiting for postcards , and in a few weeks more those postcards had always never come - even though the first two postcards that Mom burned had come within a few days of each other and of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame . I cooked dinners for Mom and packed lunches too - she 'd skip lunch if left to her own devices and she was skinny enough as it was - and checked the mail three times a day , even though I always knew when it actually came by the neighbors ' huskies . I looked at the classifieds in the Pennysaver every week , but everything that claimed MAKE MONEY FROM HOME seemed too good to be true . Twice Mark called , drunk and sorry that he 'd dumped me before he went in the Marines , and once Nat 's best friend Katie called from college to ask if we 'd heard from her . Mom said no and hung up before I could get to the extension . The leaves fell off the maples and I raked them up , but then I decided I didn 't want the colors to go away so instead of bagging them I left them in a pile and let the wind spread them back out across the lawn . I expected Mom to yell about that , but she didn 't . She sat on the porch and looked at the carpet of leaves and when I came out to smoke a cigarette with her , she said , " It 's pretty , isn 't it ? Just as pretty as anything on those damn cards . " We 'd both been not mentioning postcards to each other at all , except when she had one in her hands to tear up . I froze . In July I 'd have silently disagreed , thought what Nat would have said out loud , that the pine woods and the lake shore and any place that wasn 't here was a thousand times prettier by definition . Even the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame . But I 'd stared at Sleeping Bear Dunes and thought of being cold and lonely long enough that the leaves looked much more comfortable . " I wish there was a return address on one of those postcards , " Mom went on , after another drag . " We could send that girl a picture back . Remind her that she used to like it here . " I 'd wished there were a return address on the postcards too , so now I didn 't know what to think . After that , Mom had burned out or thawed out or something and she was more like the Mom I thought I remembered from before Nat left , and from before she and Nat would butt heads every day over every little thing , and from before Dad took off before that . But at that point we 'd be talking little kid memories , so I wasn 't quite sure . Definitely not sure enough that I showed her the next card from Nat when it finally showed up . She 'd doubled back as far as Ohio ; the card had bright red covered bridge on it and the caption " Greetings From Troy . " But if she 'd thought about coming all the way home , she didn 't mention it . Instead she just said Hi Mandy ! I met the neatest girl . She 's just like Laura from Little House , two long braids and a deerskin jacket that she made herself . Her boyfriend ditched her , too , so we 're going to travel around together for a while . She 's been on the road a lot and she knows how to get along . I guess we 'll head west . Love you miss you little Mandy . Your Nat . P . S . Her name is Beth . The loop was back in her letters and that made me happy , even if she was heading away again . A girl with a homemade buckskin jacket sounded exactly like the kind of person Nat would find , too , out of a crowd of a thousand people in regular t - shirts and cotton blouses . Maybe they 'd get out west somewhere in California and like it there so much they 'd invite me to come visit . Maybe they 'd get another dog along the way . Mom managed to pick up a friend too , a guy who worked at Wende with her , not a guard but one of the guys who maintained the HVAC and electrical stuff . I kind of liked him , or at least I was glad he wasn 't a guard because I never liked the guards she dated . When she first brought him home he stuck out his hand and said " You must be Amanda " and he didn 't clutch too tight , like it was a contest , and he didn 't try to pull me in to get a feel . So that was alright . " I 'm Greg . " You could tell that his sport jacket wasn 't something that he wore so often , in fact it reminded me of an old picture I had of Dad at one of my aunts ' weddings , looking awkward with his elbows sticking out . When Mom didn 't come home that night , I wasn 't surprised . Mom never had Greg spend the night at our place , but once a week or so he 'd come for dinner . She 'd cook those nights so it was nice for me , and maybe that helped me along , but anyway I got to like him more and more . Just like that first handshake , he always treated me like a grown - up person , which hardly anyone ever did . And he made Mom a lot more relaxed , easier to live with . She began , just a tiny bit , to treat me like a grown - up person too . Like for instance , one night after we 'd all had lasagna , her favorite fancy thing to make , and brownies with cream cheese swirls on top , she opened up the bottle of wine Greg brought and she poured one for him and for herself and then she poured one for me too . I 'd started clearing the plates but she gestured the wine bottle at me and said " Sit down . There 's no rush . " So I did , and I sipped the wine . It wasn 't like I 'd never had a drink before - I 'd teethed with Old Crow on my gums , and Nat had been giving me sips of her Genny Cream Ale since I was in middle school - but sitting there drinking out of the good glasses made everything shift sideways a little . I felt giddy right away , even though the wine was kind of sour . " Really , Joanne , you have to let go the worry . I 'm sure she 's a smart kid . Amanda 's got a good head on her shoulders already , and she 's two years younger . " Greg made eye contact with me and for a moment I was worried that Mom was going to flare up , but she knew she had no reason to be jealous , not with Greg . " Amanda 's always been the steady one . " Mom nudged me with an elbow . " I know I 'm not supposed to compare you kids , but you know it 's true , Mandy . You were born responsible . Nat had a wild streak . " " But you 're right , Greg . She 's smart . They 're both of them smart girls , they take after me that way , thank God . Both of them straight A 's in school , and both of them know how to take care of themselves . I made sure of that . " " She taught me how to split firewood when Dad first left , " I threw in , because I felt like I had to talk eventually . " Got me a little tiny hatchet and put me on kindling . She and Nat talked me up like I 'd saved us all from freezing to death . It was years before I realized that it must have taken way longer to watch me do it than it would have to do it herself . " Mom chuckled , and poured more wine all around . " We made a go of it , didn 't we ? I think he expected us to all fall apart without him , but we managed . " " Oh in those days , everyone thought it was the hardest thing . All on the news , the divorce rates and the single mothers . Old women looking at me in Ames with so much pity . As though men haven 't been running off since forever . " Mom set the bottle down a little hard . " No offense . " " I 'm sure she will be , " Mom said . And then , as though it had just come to her , " We 'll see her in the spring , I bet . She 'll be sick of it by then . " Snow fell before the next postcard came , but near Buffalo that 's not saying much , is it ? This girl named Tammy is travelling with us now , this one said . She says she 's spent a lot of time in WNY , she 's even been to Mumford ! She was trying to get home to Florida but she changed her mind and decided to go west with us . Then we found a lost kid in the road , a little black boy maybe two years old with no clothes on but a pair of underpants . I wanted to help him but he wouldn 't talk to me and he ran away , way faster than I would have thought a toddler could . Beth says more parents lose their kids out here than you 'd think , and there 's nothing I can do . She looked upset about it though . The words at the end were cramped , like she 'd been trying to squeeze in as much as she could , and the Love you always Little Mandy ran into the address part of the card . I flipped it over and looked at the picture , a steamboat on the Mississippi River . No word if it was snowing where she was , but snow never fell on steamboats , did it ? Just in case , I bought her a pair of purple knit gloves with bright green turtles on them for Christmas , and a giant Toblerone . I put three maple leaves I 'd saved from the front yard in the package too ; one red , one orange , and a yellow one that still had some green on it when it fell . I wrapped it up and I put it under my bed , just in case . Of course it turned out to be just Mom and I on Christmas morning . Greg was with his sister and brother - in - law and their kids , though he 'd promised to come by for dinner later . He 'd helped us set up a tree that was taller than either of us , but that just meant that presents for two looked even lonelier underneath . The gloves Mom got me were black leather , with purple trim and cashmere on the inside . When I put them on they were a little small , but they felt like they would stretch . She got me boots , too , which I could tell from the box were from the consignment shop but they were pretty much like new . And a purse with a bird worked on it in leather . Mom shook her head . " I wasn 't fair to you either . You 've been a rock , Mandy . I don 't know what I 'd do without you . " She squeezed me tighter , just for a second , and then let go . " Even if you do leave someday , I know at least you 'd keep writing . " The next postcard proved that I shouldn 't have worried about snow . Nat was smart , like Mom had said . She was in Texas now , down on the Gulf coast . The card had a sea turtle on it and I smiled when I thought how happy she must have been when she found that . Her letters were loopy again too , although smaller now since she seemed to have realized she could write more that way . Finally met a cute guy out here on the road , she wrote , and of course , my luck , he 's a major faggot . Sweet kid though . Named Alejandro . He said there were like 30 other kids travelling with him but they all upped and disappeared on him a while back . So he 'll probably stick with us for a while . I could picture Nat giggling and sighing , what a waste , probably trying to pet his hair - not being mean about it but just typical thoughtless Nat . I hoped she didn 't pester this kid to death , but at the same time , thinking of her giggling was the best , so too bad for Alejandro . Beth says people disappear on the road a lot , the main thing is that we all have to stick together and not talk to cops , or even let them see us if we can help it . But sometimes you can 't , of course . Mostly never tell them your name . Never Tell a Cop Your Name , Little Mandy ! was her sign - off . Spring came early that year , and Greg had his motorcycle on the road by the middle of March . Lots of people had their motorcycles out early and lots of other people weren 't looking out for them . The only thing that made Greg 's accident different was that it was a hit - and - run . There was a long hunt for a dented car , a guilty conscience , or something , but they never found anyone . The only comfort was that Mom and Greg both died pretty much instantly . I just put my head down , the way I did when Dad and Nat left , and at first I thought that maybe it wasn 't so different being alone with the postcards all the time than it had been to be alone with them most of the time . But it was . Now that I had nothing I had to do and no one to do it for , I read over all the postcards two , three times a day and they were starting to get bent and soft at the corners , and that wasn 't ok . Besides , the part of my brain that wasn 't numb knew that Mom 's insurance money wouldn 't last that long even if I never felt like eating again . My old manager at Tractor Supply had always liked me , and felt bad for me now . She argued up the chain that I 'd always been reliable until the one day I hadn 't , and I think she put that on Mom , although I didn 't ask . Mom had been known pretty well around town for her temper . Anyway , whatever she said worked , and I had a job again , although back down on the first rung being managed by kids two and three years younger than me . It wasn 't so bad . I swept up spilled birdseed , I put the Carhart jackets back in order , I worked the register . And every day I had a single moment of turning into the driveway and opening up the mailbox , instead of listening for the huskies all afternoon . The next postcard arrived about a week after I started working again , although it felt like the years and years that it should have taken the whole world to change . She 'd made it to California , the land of dreams where we always talked about going , the place that we 'd seen on TV . The postcard showed a Navy ship in blue water and said San Diego . Weirdest thing , it said on the back . Not long after we got here I saw a woman who looked just like Mom along the road . Just like her , Mandy . I stared at her and she stared at me but she turned away without saying anything . That wouldn 't be like Mom , would it ? Not if she had something to say . And she was with some guy I didn 't recognize . So it probably wasn 't Mom . But I hope everything is ok at home . . . I don 't miss it , but I do miss you . Nat hadn 't written a date , she never did . But the postmark was from the day after Mom 's funeral . And it had just gotten here now . I was starting to think that maybe time worked a whole different way on the road Nat was on . But that was a crazy way to think , and I did worry a little bit , now that I had regular everyday people to compare myself to , that I might be going crazy . People did , after grief , in empty houses . One might pile beer bottles to the ceiling and another one might fill the barn and shed and house with cats that reeked of piss and someone else might get Jesus in a hard and peculiar way , but it was all the same crazy underneath . I didn 't want to go there . I 'd only read the postcards every other day , I told myself . Or once a week . They 'd last a lot longer if I only read them once a week , and I would too . I took every hour they would give me at Tractor Supply . I didn 't let on that I recognized him at first . It was almost sort of believable that I wouldn 't - he 'd let his dyed black hair grow back out to a dirty blond , and he looked a lot older now that he had when he and Nat left . Not quite a year ago . I hadn 't thought of it in terms of an actual date . Time worked weird here too . Only after I 'd rung up the Alpo and taken his money , while I was handing him his receipt , did I say , " That wasn 't cool what you did to Nat . " I said it as quiet and calm as I could . I didn 't want the girls at the other registers to think I was making a scene like Mom would have done . He dropped the receipt and ran out without the dog food . I spent the rest of the night worrying that Strider was hungry . Nat wouldn 't have wanted that . He came back for the dog food in the morning when I wasn 't there , and I didn 't expect to see him again . But he did turn up , the next week when I had the same closing shift again . He grabbed one of the caramel nut logs we sold near the register , obviously just as an excuse . I never knew anyone to actually eat those things . I knew words were coming out of his mouth and he was shaking his head , but I didn 't really listen . " But you left her . You shouldn 't have left her out there . " He shook his head harder , and his greasy hair swung against his cheeks . " There was nothing I could do , Mandy . What could I do ? I 'm as sorry about it as anybody , what could I do ? I couldn 't do any good . " He kept saying variations on that same sentence until I pushed the nut log into his hand . Then he looked down at it like he 'd never seen one before and walked out . When I went out to the parking lot at nine I found the red nut log wrapper torn into a rough heart shape and stuck underneath my windshield wiper . I pulled it out and dropped it in a garbage can . I got the idea that I was supposed to take it home and keep it forever , maybe tuck it into a book as well , and now I knew how Mom felt to not do that . The crazy part of me wondered if Nat would know , somehow , in her next postcard but it was nothing like that . It was San Francisco , two men in cowboy hats and sunglasses and no shirts , a rude slogan that if Mom had been around I would have pretended not to get . I got Alejandro a hat just like that , cause he 's from Texas . Got , so stole , not bought . Good old Nat . He told Beth she should let him wear her suede jacket too , but of course she won 't . I love San Francisco , Mandy . I wish we could stay . The only bad thing that 's happened here is that Tammy disappeared on us , a couple of days ago . Maybe she told a cop her name ? Anyway , that upset Beth of course and she says we have to keep moving , head north . I 'm not sure why . But going to Seattle would be neat I guess . I 'm not sure why that jogged my memory , it wasn 't like I read the news or watched it . But it had been on the front page , so maybe I 'd just seen it out of the corner of my eye , or heard on the radio of a car with an open window , or some ladies had gossiped about it in line at McDonald 's while I was getting coffee . Nice old ladies like the saddest , grossest , and most violent crime stories to talk over when they 're out shopping . I tried to tell myself that this was it , for sure I was crazy , but I went to the library anyway and got the Buffalo News from two weeks ago Monday . We Know Her Name , the headline said . What was left of her body now would be exhumed and sent back to be buried in the proper place , the waiting slot where she belonged , under the proper label . I was angry that they weren 't even going to ask her if she wanted to go back , until I realized how stupid that sounded . I sat in the library , not wanting to be alone , until it closed . Then I went home and stared at the dull , now curled - up pictures of Sleeping Bear Dunes still pinned to the back of my door . He 'd left Nat somewhere all alone in those dark pines . And she 'd found a way to walk out , to keep writing to me anyway . She loved me and missed me . I didn 't even have to put my head down to go on this time . It was already down . I didn 't quit Tractor Supply or cry in the shower or forget to eat , since I 'd done all those things already . The only real change in my habits was that I stopped turning the lights on when I was at home . I knew where everything was and there was no one else who needed to see . Besides , the days were getting longer now . I was a little bit afraid that figuring it out would mean she wouldn 't write to me any more . That seemed like what would happen in a fairy tale . But thinking like that was crazy . And another postcard came the very next week , from Klamath Falls . A lake with a mountain poking up above it , covered in snow . Something 's going on , Mandy . We came up on this whole group of women . . . mostly women and young girls , some kids , some guys . Some of them knew Beth , and acted like they 'd been expecting her . She was introducing me and Alejandro to everyone . Everyone 's excited . It 's like we 're on our way to a festival or something . There 's a woman who seems to be in charge , an Indian woman named Anna , and she has everyone organized like you wouldn 't believe and heading north so fast I barely had time to mail this . I 'm gonna find out what 's going on as soon as I can and write you again , I bet this is gonna be good ! I miss you so much , Little Mandy . I kept going to work , but people asked if I 'd been sleeping . They could tell . The phone rang and I didn 't answer it . I felt as though I didn 't need even coffee , although somehow I found myself drinking more of it than ever , because I needed to walk out of Tractor Supply and into the air as often as I could get away with . I started bumming cigarettes and going on smoke breaks too , but people on smoke break wanted to talk and that was hard when I was filled with something no one could talk to me about except Nat . Only one thing mattered and that was launching through the days until I got to the next postcard . It reached me just in time . It was from Seattle , weirdly old - timey , black and white with horses in the street and men with hats , some kind of official - looking building . All the light parts , the sky between the buildings and the paler grey of the sidewalks , were filled with upside - down letters , printing much tighter than anything I 'd ever seen from Nat before , spillover from a back crammed margin to margin with tiny letters - well , tiny for Nat , maybe not that tiny - except for the outlined box with my address and the tiny square for the stamp . They 'd put a sticker with a barcode over part of it but I was able to peel it off , carefully , without pulling up any of the ink beneath . We 're going up the mountain . There are so many of us that soon they won 't be able to ignore us any more , Nat . Just the Indian girls - just from Vancouver and British Columbia alone - would be an army , and then so many from California , so many from Ohio , so many from Michigan , we 're from everywhere , every single state . Each of us alone they ignore , it was one bad pill or one bad man , we got in one wrong car , whatever . But together , if you don 't pull us apart and look at us one by one but all together , you see it 's not that . It 's much bigger . I didn 't realize myself until just now , Little Mandy . I thought it was my fault . I 'm glad I can tell you so you don 't have to go around thinking that . So like I said , here I had to turn the card over , we 're going up the mountain . When we I had just put it into my copy of Little Women with the others when the doorbell rang . If they 'd waited even half an hour more I 'd have been crying and they might have won . But when the police were standing outside , all I could think was Never Tell a Cop Your Name , Little Mandy ! and I didn 't . I nodded , and I even turned on the lights so they wouldn 't think I was weird , but that 's not the same . And when they held out the ring with the onyx chips like a turtle and asked about Nat , I said , no , my sister is fine . I just got a postcard from her .

Ben has been playing pilot for over a week . He got Eliza to play with him and they had a blast flying the plane . They put two dining room chairs side by side and a little folding table behind them . Drape a blanket between the two as a place for the maletas ( suitcases ) to go and . . . Presto ! You have an airplane ! He is a very attentive pilot . He always puts on his costume and someone has to wear a walkie talkie so they can talk to the guys that tell them where to land and call their moms if they need something . Hats are a must when you are a pilot . I noticed Maddie jumped on board in the cockpit this time as a stowaway and stole a peach from my canning project . . . little stinker . On Monday we " set a goal " to go swimming 3 times before the pool closed the next Monday . Then we canned peaches and worked in the kitchen getting the trim up . . . time marched on while we were busy working . Then came the rain and cool weather . Finally , Saturday , it was hot and sticky again so we went over to the pool . The kids had fun and we loved visiting with their favorite neighbor , Claudia . We didn 't make it back to our pool again this year because Monday we went to The Water Mine water park . The kids thought it was a blast . Ben is still pretty chicken to go down many slides , but the entire park was 3 feet or less , so he could go about anywhere he wanted walking around . We rode the lazy river on a tube a bunch of times . Finally , we left when Maddie 's diaper told us it was time and she was sleepy and shivering . We changed and Maddie napped in the car with me while Brian got some things at Home Depot and I grabbed groceries at Wegmans . Then we had a BBQ at the park with friends and called it an early night . Overall , a pretty good Labor Day weekend . Posted by I 've been working on updating posts and putting pictures on a lot of the old blog posts this morning . I decided it was time for the kids to get cleaned up and have a bath . I was about to take them up when I saw the familiar squatting , concentrating look on Maddie 's sweet face . Ben asked when we were going to have a bath and I told him Maddie needed a minute to get ready . I gave her a minute . Sure enough , mega mess in the diaper . She squirmed and didn 't want me to bother her , so I gave her another minute . As I was standing up from the table to go take care of the diaper and give them baths , Brian came down the stairs , hollering all happy and in his most excited voice , " Who 's ready for a bath ? Let 's go ! " Maddie all but ran to his arms , " Maddie do it , Maddie bath ! " Ben LOVES to help Dad make smoothies ( smooffies ) . It is definitely their special thing they do together . Ben gets so excited to help . Tonight Brian gave him some extra responsibility while he got the frozen peaches from the basement . He was to find all the white parts that they needed to assemble the smoothie maker . Ben went one step further and assembled it . When he finished and Brian returned to the kitchen , Ben said , " That 's how it goes , Dad . " It brought huge grins to both our faces as we looked at his work . Can you spot the problem ? Notice the bottom blade assembly just dropped into the middle of the mixing area ? Ben 's comments when asked what he wants to say on the blog ( dictated slowly one word at a time so I can type it . . . ) : " I love riding my bike , but when I was riding my bike , my helmet got on my neck . That 's the whole entire part of the story I want to put on the internet . The End . " We picked up a cool , purple bike at the thrift store on Monday afternoon for $ 9 . 99 . It has flowers and butterflies all over the sides . Ben was totally excited to ride it right there in the store . I let him steer it up to pay and out to the car , but it didn 't have training wheels , so he couldn 't ride it yet . Wednesday we went shopping to get training wheels and were surprised how hard they were to find . We finally located one package left , but it was missing a nut to tighten down the wheel . I asked for a discount and had Brian go to Home Depot to match the nut on Thursday . Friday was busy , but Ben was patient . It poured rain all day anyway . Saturday morning , I put the training wheels on and sent him around the side of the house to ride on the sidewalk while I got his helmet out . When I came out the front door with his helmet , I was greeted with a huge smile and a 4 year old zooming past . He was so excited ! I guess I expected to go teach him what to do . Oh well , huh ? We got his helmet adjusted to match his head size this year and headed out . He hates the helmet and having a strap under his chin . He 'll get over it . Brian fit it pretty well to his head , but he still isn 't a fan . Then we rode around our court . We passed a random guy who rode up on his motorcycle , Ben stopped and declared " This is my bike that only has TWO wheels . " I laughed and told him that the guy only had two wheels just like Ben . Then we went to show our neighbor Claudia . She gave all the proper praise and excitement a four year old craves . The kids love visiting her and her daughter Aimee . Ben and Maddie each got a coupon book for cool free stuff by local retailers for participating in the summer reading program this year . I explained to Ben the rules of the coupon book and read him the statement and made him sign himself . It said , and he agreed , every kid got one book . If you lose the book , you don 't get another one and you can 't use the coupons you lost . Last Saturday we used our first coupon for a free ice cream cone at McDonald 's . Ben was elated , it then began to really hit home what all this junk paper really could mean to him . He was catching on and loving it ! When we got home , he had to return the book to the safe spot on top of his dresser , where Maddie couldn 't get it . There it would be safe until we used the next coupon in a few days . Friday came around and I knew one or two were set to expire soon , so I planned a morning of cashing in coupons . We were all excited and ready to go . We 'd hit story time , get a free book , grab a box of popsicles for each of the kids and meet dad for a free lunch at noon . All was going well until Ben was sent to get his coupon book . It was gone . We searched his entire room , behind the dresser , inside the drawers , under the bed , everywhere . No luck . I called off the excursion and we looked and looked . Finally , we called Dad to verify the book had come in from the car on Saturday night . Ben was in tears , knowing the rules that we can 't get another one . Dad said yes , the book came in and he hadn 't seen it . Ugh . What was I to do ? Pretend ? Lie ? Tell him to suck it up and be tough , life isn 't fair ? Poor kid . I ran through every possible thought in my head . If it fell in the trash , I had taken it out on Tuesday and it was long gone ( of course , I took it out this week , I only do it once every two months , what rotten luck ) . If it got stuck in the mail on the way into the house , it had been recycled and again , was long gone . I checked through every random paper I had laying around the kitchen and dining room ( not a small job . . . ) . It was gone . We changed plans with Dad . We met at a restaurant and used Maddie 's coupon for Ben since she was so young she was free anyway . Ben was totally sad , but starting to come to grips with his loss . Later that day , Maddie was playing in the living room while I relaxed on the couch . She had her backpack and was filling and dumping junk out of it . It hit me like a bolt of lightning . CHECK THE BACKPACK ! ! Sure enough . The coupon book , and everything else special Ben keeps on his " really tall " dresser that Maddie can 't reach was in there . The heavens rejoiced and Ben was giddy with excitement . We formally acknowledge entrance of a new stage of development and mischief for Maddie . I remember this stage from the Ben days . I recall when Ben was about two years old . The most random things would just disappear and be gone for days . It was a twice a day event to locate Potsy so he could take a nap . His most usual location was in the lift - up seat of his trusty push around car . Once Brian was on a business trip to London . We bought a ticket for me to join him and our fantastic neighbors were planning to watch Ben for 6 days so we could do some fun touring . About 4 days before I was to depart , I thought I had better verify I had my passport and all was in order . The keys to the safe were missing . The were kept high up on top of the computer monitor on top of the desk . I looked for 3 days and tore the entire house apart . I looked everywhere . The night before I was supposed to go , I was desperate . I put Ben to bed , prayed again for divine intervention and started looking for the hundredth time in all the regular places . I went quietly in Ben 's room and pulled every last toy out of his toy chest . Just as I was about to put things back in , I saw , in the dark back corner , the keys . I just sat on the floor and cried . I wasn 't going to have to skip my trip to London after all . We finished the peaches ! Thanks mostly to that wonderful husband of mine . I worked Monday and got one jar filled . Tuesday I decided I needed to really focus and get it done , so I got two jars done . I knew I 'd never finish at that rate . The kids just kept interrupting my work . I had to get snacks , help with the potty , wash hands , chase Maddie away from the peaches all over the dining room table , build forts , make lunch , get drinks , open windows , change CDs , get down snacks , etc , etc . You know , be a mom . Plus I had to wash up and dry off between each task . To top it all off , neither of the kids would nap Monday or Tuesday . It was slow going to say the least . Wednesday rolled around and I had to make sure I was focused and the kids had plenty to do . Ben was a huge help . We had a multi - purpose fort built in the living room that helped a lot . It was an airplane , train tunnel , fort and lots of other things . He did all sorts of things to help Maddie and seemed pretty understanding when I told him I couldn 't help him with this or that . The biggest blessing was that at 10 : 30 Maddie asked if she could take a nap in her bed . ABSOLUTELY ! ! I got her settled and was able to plow through half the peaches by dinner time . I was ecstatic . When Brian got home , he was planning to work on the kitchen remodeling . Unfortunately for him , but lucky for me , it was sprinkling outside . He couldn 't cut the remaining boards , so he helped me can peaches and we finished all of them ! Isn 't he great ? Now , no more for me , I 'm tired of swollen ankles and throbbing feet . A few weeks ago I got a notice in the mail that the fantastic Virginia State DMV saying that they had rechecked my information with the Social Security Administration and that the information no longer matched . Interesting , I thought . I haven 't changed my name , my SS # or my birthday ( is that even possible ? ? ) in the last 4 year years . I 'm still me , as far as I know . In any case , I was instructed to fix the situation and appear in person to renew my license with proper documentation to prove my identity . I called the DMV to protest . I 'm still the same old me , I told them . They didn 't care . I was told to call Social Security and work it out with them . They said everything was the same . DMV said they couldn 't help me over the phone , so I had to come in . Ugh . That 's just what everybody wants to do , especially with kids in tow . I called a friend , Mary , to see if she was free any morning this week to watch the kids while I went in to fight it out . So , today I went in . I was in a foul mood , expecting a disaster , not knowing what to really say . Nothing had changed , so what do I fight with them about ? Everything turned out just fine . After waiting , I approached the counter , presented my notice and asked what I needed to do . He looked it up on the computer and said , " Hummm , it doesn 't show any problem at all . We 'll just renew it like normal then . " I could hear the choirs of angels singing ! ! Hallelujah ! ! So , other than waiting , it turned out to be no big deal . During my quiet waiting time though , I reminisced about my last visit to the DMV . It wasn 't so easy on me . Every move we 've ever made , at some point in the process , have a total and complete emotional breakdown . Sobbing so hard I can hardly breathe , snot running down my face , red puffy eyes , total despair in my heart , you know a COMPLETE emotional breakdown ! Unfortunately for me , the Texas to Virginia breakdown just happened to occur at the DMV . Ugh . Brian and I took Ben with us to change over our drivers licenses , license plates , etc , etc . Everything was going okay other than having a 13 month old and trying to wait . We juggled him alright . Finally , after about an hour , Brian got called up for his picture , then picked up his license , and I was still waiting . Time was passing slower and slower , Ben was hungry and needed a nap . I was getting more and more aggitated and upset . I waited over an hour past when Brian had picked up his actual license , then finally approached the counter to demand they find out why mine hadn 't been processed , it had been over 2 hours I had been sitting . They didn 't know anything and weren 't willing to look . I waited another 30 minutes or so and approached again , this time they could see I had been crying . They had mercy on my and started looking for my file . It got lost somewhere in the back , but they did eventually find it and start working on it . By this time , Brian had left me and had Ben strapped into his carseat in the rental car in the parking lot , napping . I finally had to leave the building because my crying was so totally out of control . As I walked out the Exit Only door , a sweet woman with a muslim head scarf tried to comfort me . She said , " Don 't worry sweetie . You will pass your driving test next time you come back . I didn 't pass either . " I was so upset , I couldn 't even laugh even though my soul knew exactly how funny that was . Now that the moment is past , I think it is hilarous that she thought I had failed my road test . In the end , I got my license , but my picture was terrible . My face was literally as red as an apple and my eyes were totally swollen . So , now I have a new picture on my license , though it 's not really much better than the original one . But , the best part of the story , I won 't have to set foot in the DMV for another 8 beautiful years . Hooray ! Maddie loves to be in the middle of everything . Since Brian has decided , rightly so , that remodeling the kitchen should take less than one year , he 's back on the job . As much as I try to help , I do the most good to get totally engaged with the kids , and well , just keep them away from the work zone . I figure in approximately 8 years , we 'll be able to work together again on projects . Maddie measuring the board for Dad . Just about right ? Maddie helps Dad decide what to do next . Dad isn 't so sure Maddie has good input . Maddie is such a helper . Here are some instructional photos to help anyone just starting out canning . Here is how we use the peeler to remove the skins of the peaches before bottling them . First , choose a peach to your liking . This is not the peach that Mom is forcing upon you because you previously took a bite in it . Insist on new , untouched peaches because they work much better than the peaches that already have a single bite missing . Second , take the smaller end of the peeler and press it firmly against the outside of the peach as shown in the picture . Once you have penetrated the peach , twist the peeler several times to enlarge the hole . Make sure you create enough holes to let all the juice out . Once you have created enough holes , bludgeon the peach using the larger end of the peeler while walking around the kitchen . Hold the peach up so the juice runs down your arm and drips off your elbow . This way you can control the drip and maximize the splatter by moving your elbow in random patterns above the floor , stool , and if you are lucky the carpet . Mom will be delighted to see the sticky mess you have left in your wake . Once the peach stops dripping or has lost all of its pulp , discard and select another to begin again . Good thing Mom just went to the orchard and bought 6 pecks of peaches - - you can stay busy all day " helping " bottle the peaches . Enjoy ! All you Utahns and Idahoans should go see this movie opening out there . My friend wrote it and I think it 's great . Finally , a woman perspective on serving an LDS mission . I loved the music in particular . We hosted a Mother - Daughter event for our stake YW in April where we watched an early release of the movie - - it was a hit . We had Heidi , the writer , do a Q & A session after we watched the movie and it was totally cool to hear her perspective on how it all came together . We love Heidi ! So our lesson yesterday in RS was about missionary work , but one of the quotes they used ( see below ) made me think about Juli 's pictures of chocolate cake the whole lesson from the Robinson Family Blog . Could anything look more appetizing than that chocolate cake , dripping in chocolate syrup and photographed perfectly on a pure white plate ? Yumm . . . ' In many cookbooks there are pictures of the perfect dishes that recipes make the fulness of the joy of cooking . These pictures are important because they help us envision the outcome if we strictly follow the directions as given in the recipe . It is important to begin with the end in mind , but the end represented by pictures in cookbooks is an end that is only possible if everything is done right . If directions are not followed or an ingredient is left out or miscalculated , the desired taste and appearance are seldom attained . The picture of a perfect dish , however , can serve as motivation to try again to create something that is both delicious and beautiful . When we think of eternal life , what is the picture that comes to mind ? I believe that if we could create in our minds a clear and true picture of eternal life , we would start behaving differently . We would not need to be prodded to do the many things involved with enduring to the end , like doing our home teaching or visiting teaching , attending our meetings , going to the temple , living moral lives , saying our prayers , or reading the scriptures . We would want to do all these things and more because we realize they will prepare us to go somewhere we yearn to go . ' - - L . Tom Perry , Conf April 2008 . Posted by We were all in the living room this morning . I was trying to sleep on the couch , Brian was working on the computer , Maddie playing with something on the floor and Ben was using his imagination . We have a bunch of puppets that he has recently become interested in . I realize when I bought them ( he was 6 months old ) that I might have been jumping the gun a bit , but he 'd eventually like them , right ? Well , 4 years later , he started playing with them . Today I had early morning meetings . On my leisurely Sunday morning drive home , I saw something that totally surprised me . On the left side of the road was a squirrel . A car was approaching . The squirrel ran at the car and between the front and rear tires of the driver side . It wasn 't quite quick enough to make it all the way out from under the car . The back passenger tire caught the squirrel 's tail . . . and it came off . The tail rolled across the road and the squirrel kept running . GROSS ! Now I will always have to wonder , did the squirrel live ? How bad of a wound is losing a tail ? Hummm . . . During our recent trip to Utah , one of our car conversations centered on animals . In Utah , you would have had to drive to the mountains to even see a squirrel . I thought of squirrels , fox , deer and the like as wild animals you only got the opportunity to see if you went WAY far away from civilization up in the mountains . The whole conversation started when we were driving to Uncle Brett 's wedding in Manti , UT , a fairly rural community . We crossed the path of a skunk and Ben asked what was " making all that stink . " We laughed , while we had definitely smelt the skunk , neither of us had thought much about it . Brian and I talked with Ben about how animals are different in different areas of the country . In Virginia ( and Texas and Kentucky and Michigan too ) you will find squirrels running in your yard all day long . When we first moved from Utah to Michigan , we have tons of pictures of the squirrels eating right on our balcony . It was such a unique thing for us to see , we were totally amazed and amused . In Kentucky , there were fields and fields of thousands of fire flies . Again , we were TOTALLY amazed ! The other interns taught us how to squish them and squeeze their light juice on your arms to have a glow in the dark tattoo . We have some fire flies here in Virginia , but not enough to squish and paint with . Ben loves to chase them and watch them at dusk before bedtime . Last May we had a fox at our house . When we would come home in the evening , a beautiful red fox would be sitting on the porch . I called animal control when he didn 't leave for several days and was hunting the tree for squirrels right outside the front door . It was like having Discovery Channel in my kitchen so see him pounce and eat a squirrel . Animal control said unless the red fox was sick , just let it be . Just keep a watch on my small children because , while it probably won 't approach them , if my kid thinks it 's a dog and approaches him , they will attack because they are small enough they aren 't intimidated by someone Maddie 's size . Comforting , huh ? We 've also had a few turtles living in the front bushes and lots of frogs . One night when our porch light was out , I came out the front door and stepped on a poor frog . It did hop away , so I hope it was okay . Anyway , compared to where I grew up in Salt Lake City , sometimes I 'm surprised by how many wild animals I see from my front porch . The kids and I had another enjoyable day picking peaches at the orchard in Markham , Virginia . As usual , we all picked for a while and then the kids retreated to the car to " drive " while I finished up . Ben had fun trying to climb the trees to reach the high up fruit . Then he picniced alone on a blanket while he watched me pick and Maddie wander the rows . Maddie picked up a bunch of peaches from the ground and put them in her bag . After the bottom of the bag was covered , she started whining " too heavy , mommy , too heavy . " In my good faith efforts to help solve the problem , I offered to trade her bags for an empty one . She happily agreed to the trade . Then she got mad when I turned to leave with her bag . She carefully , moved each and every peach from her original " heavy " bag to the new empty bag . Upon completion of the task , she happily walked off . " All better , " she claimed . Whatever . . . I was surprised how much longer it took me to pick peaches and how much less fun I had since we went without Brian this time . We 've never been to the orchards without him . I think taking him is a must now . Though we had fun , it wasn 't the regular fun family day I usually envision at the orchards without him there . Posted by Maddie likes to be just like Ben . She dressed up in his pirate garb after he finished today . She asked for my help getting the eye patch on . After just a short time , she decided that it sure is hard to see with this thing in front of her eye . With a slight modification to the pirate outfit , she was happy as a clam and kept it on for a long time . She walked around saying , " I a pie - wat , Mommy , I a pie - wat ! ! " So , you can quit all bothering Brian . We laugh everytime we hear the stats on the radio about how much ExxonMobil has made this week , this quarter , this year , whatever . . . It is fair to say that they don 't really have the buckets of money in the lobby for the employees to take , like the stories he tells everyone . I passed a gas station yesterday and the price listed at the bottom was $ 4 . 07 . I thought it was really weird that they had switched the prices and put regular on the bottom and must have moved premium to the top . My jaw dropped when I saw that regular was ONLY $ 3 . 69 . Of course , when you realize how much the cost of a barrel of oil has gone up in the last year , I realize if it was a direct relation , we 'd have been paying a lot more than $ 4 . 07 , more like $ 8 . 00 / gallon . The whole gas price thing is so complicated , but I don 't whole heartedly subscribe to the thought that all gas companies are evil , even ExxonMobil . There Brian , I finally said it , ExxonMobil is not really the Evil Empire . Several of my engineer friends and I had a running joke when I worked for the competitor , BP . No one ever actually said ExxonMobil , we just asked how Brian was doing at The Evil Empire . Oh the good old days . . . So today , it was like Christmas in my closet . I finally took the time to clean out my closet of all the things I can 't wear anymore and won 't fit into for at least 8 months . I hung up all my maternity clothes and put the bin that has been sitting on the floor for over a month away in the basement . I could actually shut my closet door and could see everything I could fit into hanging on hangers . It 's great ! Me and a few of my fun girlfriends went out for a wild night on the town tonight . We went bowling and for ice cream to celebrate a happy divorce . We had such a relaxing time together and I 'm pleased to report that I was the bowling champ with a score or 134 ! Likely the best score of my life , I remember thinking a 120 would be amazing and knowing I usually get in the mid 90s . Go me ! Then we went to Friendly 's for a sweet treat . I was totally sucked in by the add thing on the table and ordered a chocolate brownie ice cream sundae just like in the picture . I didn 't read the fine print though , it did not say " actual size " on the add and it sure wasn 't . I got a full , dinner sized plate full of ice cream , brownies , whipped cream , carmel and chocolate fudge . Holy cow it was a lot of ice cream . . . but I ate it all . Hey , I 'm pregnant . I have to exercise a few of the perks that come along with the pain and misery . I was home and in bed by 10 : 30 . Okay , so it wasn 't my most wild night on the town ever , but fun just the same . Congrats Lauren ! ! So tonight at dinner , it was Maddie 's turn to pray . She wanted Daddy to help her do it . He started the prayer , " Father in Heaven . " Maddie repeated exactly what she heard , " Seven . " She looked up and her smile was growing . . . If you read my post about the kids and numbers yesterday , you know that I knew exactly what was coming since Brian hadn 't caught the goof . Brian continued , something about thank you for the food , I don 't know . . . I was laughing too hard to hear him . All I could hear was Maddie excitedly saying , " Eight , Nine ! " The prayer continued in a totally normal way , except that I was busting up laughing . You 'd think I would learn . Whenever I get feeling busy or don 't want to sit and monitor the lengthy breakfast eating process , we get a mess like this yogurt painting and bath time we got this morning . Of course , we also get really happy smiles . . . When we had been married for one year , we had saved a bit of our wedding money . I knew that eventually I would need a good sewing machine and thought that we should use the money we had left to get a good name brand one that would last our entire marriage or at least 30 years . So , we shopped and shopped . Finally , I got a Bernina that was the best we could get without going into the computerized styles . That way , we figured maybe we could fix it ourselves if it ever broke . Right from the start , it was either off or turbo speed . I really loved it and didn 't want anything else . I convinced myself and Brian that over time , I would break in the spring and it would have all the desired speeds , like slow , medium , fast in addition to turbo . Well , it has been eight years now and I 've still been operating on stop or turbo . Until today . . . . . A good friend stopped by while I was cooking dinner and we were chatting about sewing . I asked if she knew a good place to have my machine serviced and maybe the spring in the foot replaced with a normal one . She had some recommendations and I pulled it out to show her the style of machine we have . After dinner , since it was still sitting out next to the kitchen table , Brian decided to take a look at it . He opened up the foot pedal and quickly found the potentiometer . In about 2 minutes , I have the full range of speeds . It is like heaven to me ! ! He 's the best . Now I 'm excited to sew my Halloween costumes again . I didn 't finish in time for our ward party last year , so we 're going to finish up those costumes this year and go as the Wizard of Oz clan . Good thing that the Dorothy costume has an empire waist . My big belly this year would never have fit in a regular dress . . . Maddie did so well at moving all around during our vacations the last two weeks ! She would basically sleep anywhere we stuck her , a crib in the dark basement , pack - n - play in a mountain cabin with kids playing around her , a futon bed in the spare bedroom . Brian decided to capitalize on her flexibility yesterday . We got home from our trip to Utah and he put the side rail on the big boy bed Ben used to use before he graduated to his loft bed last month . She thought it was a totally cool idea . " Maddie night - night Bens woom ? " she said . Ben has to have a lamp on in his room for light , so Maddie could see and it kept her awake for the extra half hour until Ben came to bed . Ben climbed in bed and was asleep in a few minutes . Maddie stayed awake until we went in after Ben was out and turned the light off . Then she was asleep right away . She stayed asleep the entire night . For naps today , she demanded to sleep in Ben 's room . The one bad side is that Ben told us this morning he didn 't sleep the entire night . He kept his eyes open the whole time to make sure Maddie didn 't fall off the bed . Poor kid . He must be exhausted ! ! So , assuming the good luck holds , the nursery can now be for the new baby . Not bad to be 4 months early ! Next task : loose the binkie . . . Everyone always has a million things to complain about , but sometimes I realize how many amazing things I have to be thankful for too . This is the view outside my front door in the summertime . Could you ask for anything more ? We love our little place here in Virginia . It is so beautiful and peaceful . I also greatly value going to the bathroom alone without little voices probing me for answers to urgent questions ( like what time does Dragon Tales start on PBS ? ) and little fingers poking under the door to get my attention . . . : ) Just a random thought I had while I was home spending time with my family . I remember long conversations with my poor mother . Me laying on the floor , pushing my little mouth up to the crack under the door so that my voice would carry through . Poor woman . Now I know why she got dinner ready , served us and then left to go " check her blood sugar " every day . I bet she loved that time alone ! Just kidding , Mom . I know you really had to get a shot of insulin , but I have been considering " checking my blood " lately . Maddie is obsessed with counting . Just 7 - 8 - 9 though . She walks around the house singing , chanting , yelling or just saying 7 - 8 - 9 . Weird . Ben occupied himself with Grandpa Dave 's remote control car this morning . His giggles and squeals are hilarious for us to watch . In his mind , the remote control car has a mind of its own . He pushes random buttons and switches and it zooms any which way it wants . There was absolutely no correlation between his moves and where it went . Grandpa Dave did give him lessons after a while of playing and then set up an obstacle course on the driveway . Of course , my camera card was full right at that moment , so no great photos to show . By the end , Ben had figured more or less how to maneuver and could get it mostly where he wanted to go . Maddie thought it was a funny toy too . She liked Ben to drive it up onto her feet . She kept telling him , " AGAIN ! ! " He would laugh and happily oblige her requests . Who doesn 't want to run over their sister on occasion ? Maddie is much more familiar with the facts of life than we had previously been aware . At my parents house , she and Ben played with a little toy farm . It had a fence , tractor , horse , cow , pig and two chickens . Every time she was left alone with it , she would talk to herself . She would pick up the chickens and say , over and over , " Maddie 's chicken nuggets . Maddie chicken nuggets . Chicken nuggets for Maddie . " All my growing up years in Utah , I knew that the pregnant leaders of our youth group weren 't allowed to go to camp with us up in the mountains . I just didn 't know why . Something about going into labor , I don 't really know . I figured I wasn 't far along enough to really worry about going into labor at 4 or 5 months . We headed up the mountain to my family reunion . Heber Valley Camp sits between 7 , 500 and 10 , 000 feet depending on where you are . Fairfax , Virginia is right near 400 feet above sea level . Quite a change to do in a week for anyone to adjust . I was just fine for a few hours and then I started feeling not so great . I was a weird kind of sick though and my abdomen hurt in a funny sort of way . After a while , I went to lay down on my bunk . Everything got better pretty quick , but every time I got up and around again it would start . I asked our local nurse Kristie and seasoned mom Juli why pregnant people really weren 't supposed to go camping . Turns out the baby doesn 't get the oxygen it is used to getting . The rest of the time , about 12 hours more , I just took it really easy , laid down when I needed to and chose not to participate in the high adventure course stuff . Everything was just fine as long as I was relaxing and we were home in no time at all . Guess you learn something new everyday . As we left the Hogle Zoo , Ben noticed the massive granite monument at This Is the Place with statues of several people on top . He was worried about it and asked , " Did those guys die and then they just put them up there after they were dead ? " Poor kid , thinking he was looking at dead people . While we were camping with the Robinson side of my family at the Heber Valley Camp , we got all the kids in the bunk house and I was the designated babysitter while the other adults hung out and played kick the can in the dark . After quite a while , Ben started complaining that Potsy wouldn 't be quiet . His favorite doll ( version number five no less ) had finally given up the ghost or at least he was trying . He is one of those plush Precious Moments dolls that if you squeeze the tummy , it says A Child 's Prayer . He wouldn 't stop saying the prayer , only you couldn 't really understand the words anymore , just more of a weird squeaky rumble that never stopped . Potsy really did go for almost 20 minutes straight and Ben couldn 't sleep with him snuggled against his face . The other kids were pretty much asleep , so I took Potsy outside to see what I could figure out in the light . I could not get him to stop , but Brian and I both knew Ben wouldn 't sleep without him . Brian found a sharp kitchen knife , opened Potsy 's pajamas and ripped his back seam totally open . He pulled out the batteries and Potsy was finally quiet . He gently stuffed all the stuffing back inside and velcroed the pajamas back together . Ben slept through the night . Pictures . . . well . . . my kids weren 't exactly on board with the whole idea . I give them a smidgen of credit because the reception didn 't even start until after bedtime on the East Coast , but they were really , really bad . The both would scream and arch their backs and would run out of the picture zone if we let go of them . Sorry , Brett & Missy . Hope you got at least one good one . If it makes you feel any better , they enjoyed chanting for you guys on our drive to the reception . Brian had Maddie all riled up , fist raised , chanting , " Uncle Brett , Uncle Brett , Aunt Messy ! " We 're working on pronouncing " Missy , " for now , you 're just going to have to be " Aunt Messy . " After picture time , they dimmed the lights to set a nice mood . To this , Ben queried , " Why did they turn the lights down ? " I told him it was to make it fancy . He looked around with skepticism in his brow . " It doesn 't look fancy to me yet . " Uncle Brett and Aunt Missy 's wedding luncheon went okay . Better than expected though I must admit ( from a nervous mother 's perspective ) . Who really wants to take a 4 year old and a 2 year old to a nice lunch with fancy dishes and linen napkins ? They did great . As soon as Ben sat down and saw all the silverware , he was immediately aware that he had too much for just him to use . He knelt on his chair , picked up a fork and began trying to give it to someone in need . He yelled , " Whooooo neeeeds a fooork ? " Ben decided that he could provide better entertainment on our drive from Uncle Brett 's wedding in Manti , Utah to his reception in Bountiful than the DVD player and his stack of movies . He started telling us stories he made up . This one in particular sticks in my mind . A balloon was up in the sky . It had a long , long string . The balloon got higher and higher and higher ( the giggles begin ) until Jesus ATE IT UP ! ! The End . I 'm not sure if I should be glad he thinks about Jesus and God a lot or worried about where he takes his imagination . . . For now , I 'm just enjoying the moments as they come . Maddie watched Dora and Diego so many times that she became convinced that she was the map . She will sing , " I 'm the map , I 'm the map , I 'm the map , I 'm the map , I 'm the MAP ! ! ! " She gets so excited about it that we just laugh at her . Maddie had trouble saying Grandpa . For four days , it was Grandma and Grandma . We worked and worked to get a Grandpa out of her , but it was tough going . We tried Papa and other things like that , she could say them , but wouldn 't call grandpa anything but Grandma . Finally , on the fifth day , a Grandpa popped out of her mouth . So we ripped up our kitchen about 10 months ago ( October 2007 ) and had it mostly put together for my family to all come visit at Christmas . We decided to hold onto the extra fridge because it would make feeding 19 people a lot easier if we had the extra space . Well , we just kept keeping it and keeping it . Brian worked diligently to empty it many , many times . He would empty the door and start slowly shifting everything to the new fridge . Then , I would go shopping and fill it right back up . Since the old fridge was right by the table , I could put away all the condiments , milk , juice , etc so much faster if I just threw them into the spots Brian had just emptied . Eventually , he gave up the fight . Sunday night I decided to finally just post the fridge on Craigslist even if it wasn 't ready . Sure enough , like magic , when I had an appointment for someone to come see it , I had emptied and wiped the whole thing down in about an hour . It was a trick to get everything to fit in the new fridge though . Let 's just say don 't open the door unless you are ready to catch a stray orange or apple . . . Seriously , I think I could do so much more with myself if I just have proper motivation . If I was accountable for more on a daily basis , I might could move the world . As it is , I don 't even think about moving the world , just a mess from the left side of the counter to the right side . . . how could I find anything if I actually put it away . The mortgage bill is about 1 / 4 " inch down on the leaning pile on the left , not in the finance file , etc , etc . That 's just the way I 've always operated . Sorry , Brian , but you did see my bedroom before you married me . You can 't say you weren 't warned . Side Note : I 'm not alone . Wednesday night I was talking to a sweet friend who told us that she had 3 cans of paint , rollers , etc in her entry way closet from an unfinished project for 3 years while the shoes and other things that should go there have been on the floor all over in front of the front closet . Just occurred to her this weekend that she could move the Posted by Our family spends a great deal of time ( and water ) waging a futile war against the ground bees that share our real estate . We are totally aware in our heads that we 're being stupid , but we can 't overcome the impulse inside to keep trying to win the battle . They are totally uninvited guests . Our house is at the bottom of a nice gentle sloping hill . Apparently , the exact type of place ground bees like to nest . In three years , we 've never been attached , heck , even bothered . They couldn 't care less that we are around . The first year we were here , Brian and I would chase them with a can of Raid that would spray up to 20 feet away . It was fun to watch them dive bomb and then totally crash after they had enough of poison soaking their tough little bodies . We went through LOTS of cans that summer . Ben thought it was cool that as soon as Dad came home from work , he could watch out the bay window and see him fight the daily battle . Year two they came back . I was so mad ! I even took it to the community association to see what they could do for us since the field in front of our house was swarming with hundreds of bees . It was there , that I really learned about them . Basically , they 'll never really go away . They have been tormenting our hill forever and no one has ever been stung . They did send an exterminator out , but the word was that his poison would work for a week but they babies would hatch and we would be back to square one . Mr . Exterminator did educate us a little bit as did the internet . Basically , I should ignore the big monster bees . They will all be dead in 2 weeks anyway . Concentrate my efforts on killing the babies by flooding the underground tunnels they dig to lay the eggs . So , every morning , all summer long for two years , we go outside with Ben and " water the bees " . Ben thinks it is a blast . It was actually reasonable effective , but realize the size of the problem I was fighting is huge . One single morning when I went out , I counted 52 NEW bee holes that had appeared overnight . Last night , Brian decided to water Posted by Sometime between last Saturday and this Wednesday , I magically became pregnant . I realized that lifting Maddie was starting to make me feel winded if I do it too much and my back would start to ache . After sitting on the floor , playing with the kids , I noticed that I have to get up like a pregnant lady now . I moved pretty much everything non - maternity from my closet into a huge pile on the floor . People started commenting on how I look pregnant now , but didn 't just last week . I know , I know , I 'm gaining weight . . . Great timing . We 're visiting family for the next two weeks and I was really hoping to look fat in all the pictures . On the up side , my doctor wrote my weight down wrong last month , so he told me I had lost weight at my appointment this week . Seriously , I think he does stuff like that to stay on my good side . Smart man . Ben 's ready to go . We leave in two days for Utah for Uncle Brett 's wedding , but he packed tonight . Good thing I did the laundry today . We went shopping yesterday and got him a new backpack . He chose purple with wheels and a handle so he can pull it around the airport . He played with it for about 4 hours this afternoon . He wouldn 't let it go for a second . Maddie had to stop eating dinner while he was busy just to get a chance to use it while he was distracted . The backpack is supposed to be " the big surprise " when we go to Utah . He 's going to show it to everyone . So , if you read this before our arrival , please act totally surprised when you see his snazzy new accessory .

Ben has been playing pilot for over a week . He got Eliza to play with him and they had a blast flying the plane . They put two dining room chairs side by side and a little folding table behind them . Drape a blanket between the two as a place for the maletas ( suitcases ) to go and . . . Presto ! You have an airplane ! He is a very attentive pilot . He always puts on his costume and someone has to wear a walkie talkie so they can talk to the guys that tell them where to land and call their moms if they need something . Hats are a must when you are a pilot . I noticed Maddie jumped on board in the cockpit this time as a stowaway and stole a peach from my canning project . . . little stinker . On Monday we " set a goal " to go swimming 3 times before the pool closed the next Monday . Then we canned peaches and worked in the kitchen getting the trim up . . . time marched on while we were busy working . Then came the rain and cool weather . Finally , Saturday , it was hot and sticky again so we went over to the pool . The kids had fun and we loved visiting with their favorite neighbor , Claudia . We didn 't make it back to our pool again this year because Monday we went to The Water Mine water park . The kids thought it was a blast . Ben is still pretty chicken to go down many slides , but the entire park was 3 feet or less , so he could go about anywhere he wanted walking around . We rode the lazy river on a tube a bunch of times . Finally , we left when Maddie 's diaper told us it was time and she was sleepy and shivering . We changed and Maddie napped in the car with me while Brian got some things at Home Depot and I grabbed groceries at Wegmans . Then we had a BBQ at the park with friends and called it an early night . Overall , a pretty good Labor Day weekend . Posted by I 've been working on updating posts and putting pictures on a lot of the old blog posts this morning . I decided it was time for the kids to get cleaned up and have a bath . I was about to take them up when I saw the familiar squatting , concentrating look on Maddie 's sweet face . Ben asked when we were going to have a bath and I told him Maddie needed a minute to get ready . I gave her a minute . Sure enough , mega mess in the diaper . She squirmed and didn 't want me to bother her , so I gave her another minute . As I was standing up from the table to go take care of the diaper and give them baths , Brian came down the stairs , hollering all happy and in his most excited voice , " Who 's ready for a bath ? Let 's go ! " Maddie all but ran to his arms , " Maddie do it , Maddie bath ! " Ben LOVES to help Dad make smoothies ( smooffies ) . It is definitely their special thing they do together . Ben gets so excited to help . Tonight Brian gave him some extra responsibility while he got the frozen peaches from the basement . He was to find all the white parts that they needed to assemble the smoothie maker . Ben went one step further and assembled it . When he finished and Brian returned to the kitchen , Ben said , " That 's how it goes , Dad . " It brought huge grins to both our faces as we looked at his work . Can you spot the problem ? Notice the bottom blade assembly just dropped into the middle of the mixing area ? Ben 's comments when asked what he wants to say on the blog ( dictated slowly one word at a time so I can type it . . . ) : " I love riding my bike , but when I was riding my bike , my helmet got on my neck . That 's the whole entire part of the story I want to put on the internet . The End . " We picked up a cool , purple bike at the thrift store on Monday afternoon for $ 9 . 99 . It has flowers and butterflies all over the sides . Ben was totally excited to ride it right there in the store . I let him steer it up to pay and out to the car , but it didn 't have training wheels , so he couldn 't ride it yet . Wednesday we went shopping to get training wheels and were surprised how hard they were to find . We finally located one package left , but it was missing a nut to tighten down the wheel . I asked for a discount and had Brian go to Home Depot to match the nut on Thursday . Friday was busy , but Ben was patient . It poured rain all day anyway . Saturday morning , I put the training wheels on and sent him around the side of the house to ride on the sidewalk while I got his helmet out . When I came out the front door with his helmet , I was greeted with a huge smile and a 4 year old zooming past . He was so excited ! I guess I expected to go teach him what to do . Oh well , huh ? We got his helmet adjusted to match his head size this year and headed out . He hates the helmet and having a strap under his chin . He 'll get over it . Brian fit it pretty well to his head , but he still isn 't a fan . Then we rode around our court . We passed a random guy who rode up on his motorcycle , Ben stopped and declared " This is my bike that only has TWO wheels . " I laughed and told him that the guy only had two wheels just like Ben . Then we went to show our neighbor Claudia . She gave all the proper praise and excitement a four year old craves . The kids love visiting her and her daughter Aimee . Ben and Maddie each got a coupon book for cool free stuff by local retailers for participating in the summer reading program this year . I explained to Ben the rules of the coupon book and read him the statement and made him sign himself . It said , and he agreed , every kid got one book . If you lose the book , you don 't get another one and you can 't use the coupons you lost . Last Saturday we used our first coupon for a free ice cream cone at McDonald 's . Ben was elated , it then began to really hit home what all this junk paper really could mean to him . He was catching on and loving it ! When we got home , he had to return the book to the safe spot on top of his dresser , where Maddie couldn 't get it . There it would be safe until we used the next coupon in a few days . Friday came around and I knew one or two were set to expire soon , so I planned a morning of cashing in coupons . We were all excited and ready to go . We 'd hit story time , get a free book , grab a box of popsicles for each of the kids and meet dad for a free lunch at noon . All was going well until Ben was sent to get his coupon book . It was gone . We searched his entire room , behind the dresser , inside the drawers , under the bed , everywhere . No luck . I called off the excursion and we looked and looked . Finally , we called Dad to verify the book had come in from the car on Saturday night . Ben was in tears , knowing the rules that we can 't get another one . Dad said yes , the book came in and he hadn 't seen it . Ugh . What was I to do ? Pretend ? Lie ? Tell him to suck it up and be tough , life isn 't fair ? Poor kid . I ran through every possible thought in my head . If it fell in the trash , I had taken it out on Tuesday and it was long gone ( of course , I took it out this week , I only do it once every two months , what rotten luck ) . If it got stuck in the mail on the way into the house , it had been recycled and again , was long gone . I checked through every random paper I had laying around the kitchen and dining room ( not a small job . . . ) . It was gone . We changed plans with Dad . We met at a restaurant and used Maddie 's coupon for Ben since she was so young she was free anyway . Ben was totally sad , but starting to come to grips with his loss . Later that day , Maddie was playing in the living room while I relaxed on the couch . She had her backpack and was filling and dumping junk out of it . It hit me like a bolt of lightning . CHECK THE BACKPACK ! ! Sure enough . The coupon book , and everything else special Ben keeps on his " really tall " dresser that Maddie can 't reach was in there . The heavens rejoiced and Ben was giddy with excitement . We formally acknowledge entrance of a new stage of development and mischief for Maddie . I remember this stage from the Ben days . I recall when Ben was about two years old . The most random things would just disappear and be gone for days . It was a twice a day event to locate Potsy so he could take a nap . His most usual location was in the lift - up seat of his trusty push around car . Once Brian was on a business trip to London . We bought a ticket for me to join him and our fantastic neighbors were planning to watch Ben for 6 days so we could do some fun touring . About 4 days before I was to depart , I thought I had better verify I had my passport and all was in order . The keys to the safe were missing . The were kept high up on top of the computer monitor on top of the desk . I looked for 3 days and tore the entire house apart . I looked everywhere . The night before I was supposed to go , I was desperate . I put Ben to bed , prayed again for divine intervention and started looking for the hundredth time in all the regular places . I went quietly in Ben 's room and pulled every last toy out of his toy chest . Just as I was about to put things back in , I saw , in the dark back corner , the keys . I just sat on the floor and cried . I wasn 't going to have to skip my trip to London after all . We finished the peaches ! Thanks mostly to that wonderful husband of mine . I worked Monday and got one jar filled . Tuesday I decided I needed to really focus and get it done , so I got two jars done . I knew I 'd never finish at that rate . The kids just kept interrupting my work . I had to get snacks , help with the potty , wash hands , chase Maddie away from the peaches all over the dining room table , build forts , make lunch , get drinks , open windows , change CDs , get down snacks , etc , etc . You know , be a mom . Plus I had to wash up and dry off between each task . To top it all off , neither of the kids would nap Monday or Tuesday . It was slow going to say the least . Wednesday rolled around and I had to make sure I was focused and the kids had plenty to do . Ben was a huge help . We had a multi - purpose fort built in the living room that helped a lot . It was an airplane , train tunnel , fort and lots of other things . He did all sorts of things to help Maddie and seemed pretty understanding when I told him I couldn 't help him with this or that . The biggest blessing was that at 10 : 30 Maddie asked if she could take a nap in her bed . ABSOLUTELY ! ! I got her settled and was able to plow through half the peaches by dinner time . I was ecstatic . When Brian got home , he was planning to work on the kitchen remodeling . Unfortunately for him , but lucky for me , it was sprinkling outside . He couldn 't cut the remaining boards , so he helped me can peaches and we finished all of them ! Isn 't he great ? Now , no more for me , I 'm tired of swollen ankles and throbbing feet . A few weeks ago I got a notice in the mail that the fantastic Virginia State DMV saying that they had rechecked my information with the Social Security Administration and that the information no longer matched . Interesting , I thought . I haven 't changed my name , my SS # or my birthday ( is that even possible ? ? ) in the last 4 year years . I 'm still me , as far as I know . In any case , I was instructed to fix the situation and appear in person to renew my license with proper documentation to prove my identity . I called the DMV to protest . I 'm still the same old me , I told them . They didn 't care . I was told to call Social Security and work it out with them . They said everything was the same . DMV said they couldn 't help me over the phone , so I had to come in . Ugh . That 's just what everybody wants to do , especially with kids in tow . I called a friend , Mary , to see if she was free any morning this week to watch the kids while I went in to fight it out . So , today I went in . I was in a foul mood , expecting a disaster , not knowing what to really say . Nothing had changed , so what do I fight with them about ? Everything turned out just fine . After waiting , I approached the counter , presented my notice and asked what I needed to do . He looked it up on the computer and said , " Hummm , it doesn 't show any problem at all . We 'll just renew it like normal then . " I could hear the choirs of angels singing ! ! Hallelujah ! ! So , other than waiting , it turned out to be no big deal . During my quiet waiting time though , I reminisced about my last visit to the DMV . It wasn 't so easy on me . Every move we 've ever made , at some point in the process , have a total and complete emotional breakdown . Sobbing so hard I can hardly breathe , snot running down my face , red puffy eyes , total despair in my heart , you know a COMPLETE emotional breakdown ! Unfortunately for me , the Texas to Virginia breakdown just happened to occur at the DMV . Ugh . Brian and I took Ben with us to change over our drivers licenses , license plates , etc , etc . Everything was going okay other than having a 13 month old and trying to wait . We juggled him alright . Finally , after about an hour , Brian got called up for his picture , then picked up his license , and I was still waiting . Time was passing slower and slower , Ben was hungry and needed a nap . I was getting more and more aggitated and upset . I waited over an hour past when Brian had picked up his actual license , then finally approached the counter to demand they find out why mine hadn 't been processed , it had been over 2 hours I had been sitting . They didn 't know anything and weren 't willing to look . I waited another 30 minutes or so and approached again , this time they could see I had been crying . They had mercy on my and started looking for my file . It got lost somewhere in the back , but they did eventually find it and start working on it . By this time , Brian had left me and had Ben strapped into his carseat in the rental car in the parking lot , napping . I finally had to leave the building because my crying was so totally out of control . As I walked out the Exit Only door , a sweet woman with a muslim head scarf tried to comfort me . She said , " Don 't worry sweetie . You will pass your driving test next time you come back . I didn 't pass either . " I was so upset , I couldn 't even laugh even though my soul knew exactly how funny that was . Now that the moment is past , I think it is hilarous that she thought I had failed my road test . In the end , I got my license , but my picture was terrible . My face was literally as red as an apple and my eyes were totally swollen . So , now I have a new picture on my license , though it 's not really much better than the original one . But , the best part of the story , I won 't have to set foot in the DMV for another 8 beautiful years . Hooray ! Maddie loves to be in the middle of everything . Since Brian has decided , rightly so , that remodeling the kitchen should take less than one year , he 's back on the job . As much as I try to help , I do the most good to get totally engaged with the kids , and well , just keep them away from the work zone . I figure in approximately 8 years , we 'll be able to work together again on projects . Maddie measuring the board for Dad . Just about right ? Maddie helps Dad decide what to do next . Dad isn 't so sure Maddie has good input . Maddie is such a helper . Here are some instructional photos to help anyone just starting out canning . Here is how we use the peeler to remove the skins of the peaches before bottling them . First , choose a peach to your liking . This is not the peach that Mom is forcing upon you because you previously took a bite in it . Insist on new , untouched peaches because they work much better than the peaches that already have a single bite missing . Second , take the smaller end of the peeler and press it firmly against the outside of the peach as shown in the picture . Once you have penetrated the peach , twist the peeler several times to enlarge the hole . Make sure you create enough holes to let all the juice out . Once you have created enough holes , bludgeon the peach using the larger end of the peeler while walking around the kitchen . Hold the peach up so the juice runs down your arm and drips off your elbow . This way you can control the drip and maximize the splatter by moving your elbow in random patterns above the floor , stool , and if you are lucky the carpet . Mom will be delighted to see the sticky mess you have left in your wake . Once the peach stops dripping or has lost all of its pulp , discard and select another to begin again . Good thing Mom just went to the orchard and bought 6 pecks of peaches - - you can stay busy all day " helping " bottle the peaches . Enjoy ! All you Utahns and Idahoans should go see this movie opening out there . My friend wrote it and I think it 's great . Finally , a woman perspective on serving an LDS mission . I loved the music in particular . We hosted a Mother - Daughter event for our stake YW in April where we watched an early release of the movie - - it was a hit . We had Heidi , the writer , do a Q & A session after we watched the movie and it was totally cool to hear her perspective on how it all came together . We love Heidi ! So our lesson yesterday in RS was about missionary work , but one of the quotes they used ( see below ) made me think about Juli 's pictures of chocolate cake the whole lesson from the Robinson Family Blog . Could anything look more appetizing than that chocolate cake , dripping in chocolate syrup and photographed perfectly on a pure white plate ? Yumm . . . ' In many cookbooks there are pictures of the perfect dishes that recipes make the fulness of the joy of cooking . These pictures are important because they help us envision the outcome if we strictly follow the directions as given in the recipe . It is important to begin with the end in mind , but the end represented by pictures in cookbooks is an end that is only possible if everything is done right . If directions are not followed or an ingredient is left out or miscalculated , the desired taste and appearance are seldom attained . The picture of a perfect dish , however , can serve as motivation to try again to create something that is both delicious and beautiful . When we think of eternal life , what is the picture that comes to mind ? I believe that if we could create in our minds a clear and true picture of eternal life , we would start behaving differently . We would not need to be prodded to do the many things involved with enduring to the end , like doing our home teaching or visiting teaching , attending our meetings , going to the temple , living moral lives , saying our prayers , or reading the scriptures . We would want to do all these things and more because we realize they will prepare us to go somewhere we yearn to go . ' - - L . Tom Perry , Conf April 2008 . Posted by We were all in the living room this morning . I was trying to sleep on the couch , Brian was working on the computer , Maddie playing with something on the floor and Ben was using his imagination . We have a bunch of puppets that he has recently become interested in . I realize when I bought them ( he was 6 months old ) that I might have been jumping the gun a bit , but he 'd eventually like them , right ? Well , 4 years later , he started playing with them . Today I had early morning meetings . On my leisurely Sunday morning drive home , I saw something that totally surprised me . On the left side of the road was a squirrel . A car was approaching . The squirrel ran at the car and between the front and rear tires of the driver side . It wasn 't quite quick enough to make it all the way out from under the car . The back passenger tire caught the squirrel 's tail . . . and it came off . The tail rolled across the road and the squirrel kept running . GROSS ! Now I will always have to wonder , did the squirrel live ? How bad of a wound is losing a tail ? Hummm . . . During our recent trip to Utah , one of our car conversations centered on animals . In Utah , you would have had to drive to the mountains to even see a squirrel . I thought of squirrels , fox , deer and the like as wild animals you only got the opportunity to see if you went WAY far away from civilization up in the mountains . The whole conversation started when we were driving to Uncle Brett 's wedding in Manti , UT , a fairly rural community . We crossed the path of a skunk and Ben asked what was " making all that stink . " We laughed , while we had definitely smelt the skunk , neither of us had thought much about it . Brian and I talked with Ben about how animals are different in different areas of the country . In Virginia ( and Texas and Kentucky and Michigan too ) you will find squirrels running in your yard all day long . When we first moved from Utah to Michigan , we have tons of pictures of the squirrels eating right on our balcony . It was such a unique thing for us to see , we were totally amazed and amused . In Kentucky , there were fields and fields of thousands of fire flies . Again , we were TOTALLY amazed ! The other interns taught us how to squish them and squeeze their light juice on your arms to have a glow in the dark tattoo . We have some fire flies here in Virginia , but not enough to squish and paint with . Ben loves to chase them and watch them at dusk before bedtime . Last May we had a fox at our house . When we would come home in the evening , a beautiful red fox would be sitting on the porch . I called animal control when he didn 't leave for several days and was hunting the tree for squirrels right outside the front door . It was like having Discovery Channel in my kitchen so see him pounce and eat a squirrel . Animal control said unless the red fox was sick , just let it be . Just keep a watch on my small children because , while it probably won 't approach them , if my kid thinks it 's a dog and approaches him , they will attack because they are small enough they aren 't intimidated by someone Maddie 's size . Comforting , huh ? We 've also had a few turtles living in the front bushes and lots of frogs . One night when our porch light was out , I came out the front door and stepped on a poor frog . It did hop away , so I hope it was okay . Anyway , compared to where I grew up in Salt Lake City , sometimes I 'm surprised by how many wild animals I see from my front porch . The kids and I had another enjoyable day picking peaches at the orchard in Markham , Virginia . As usual , we all picked for a while and then the kids retreated to the car to " drive " while I finished up . Ben had fun trying to climb the trees to reach the high up fruit . Then he picniced alone on a blanket while he watched me pick and Maddie wander the rows . Maddie picked up a bunch of peaches from the ground and put them in her bag . After the bottom of the bag was covered , she started whining " too heavy , mommy , too heavy . " In my good faith efforts to help solve the problem , I offered to trade her bags for an empty one . She happily agreed to the trade . Then she got mad when I turned to leave with her bag . She carefully , moved each and every peach from her original " heavy " bag to the new empty bag . Upon completion of the task , she happily walked off . " All better , " she claimed . Whatever . . . I was surprised how much longer it took me to pick peaches and how much less fun I had since we went without Brian this time . We 've never been to the orchards without him . I think taking him is a must now . Though we had fun , it wasn 't the regular fun family day I usually envision at the orchards without him there . Posted by Maddie likes to be just like Ben . She dressed up in his pirate garb after he finished today . She asked for my help getting the eye patch on . After just a short time , she decided that it sure is hard to see with this thing in front of her eye . With a slight modification to the pirate outfit , she was happy as a clam and kept it on for a long time . She walked around saying , " I a pie - wat , Mommy , I a pie - wat ! ! " So , you can quit all bothering Brian . We laugh everytime we hear the stats on the radio about how much ExxonMobil has made this week , this quarter , this year , whatever . . . It is fair to say that they don 't really have the buckets of money in the lobby for the employees to take , like the stories he tells everyone . I passed a gas station yesterday and the price listed at the bottom was $ 4 . 07 . I thought it was really weird that they had switched the prices and put regular on the bottom and must have moved premium to the top . My jaw dropped when I saw that regular was ONLY $ 3 . 69 . Of course , when you realize how much the cost of a barrel of oil has gone up in the last year , I realize if it was a direct relation , we 'd have been paying a lot more than $ 4 . 07 , more like $ 8 . 00 / gallon . The whole gas price thing is so complicated , but I don 't whole heartedly subscribe to the thought that all gas companies are evil , even ExxonMobil . There Brian , I finally said it , ExxonMobil is not really the Evil Empire . Several of my engineer friends and I had a running joke when I worked for the competitor , BP . No one ever actually said ExxonMobil , we just asked how Brian was doing at The Evil Empire . Oh the good old days . . . So today , it was like Christmas in my closet . I finally took the time to clean out my closet of all the things I can 't wear anymore and won 't fit into for at least 8 months . I hung up all my maternity clothes and put the bin that has been sitting on the floor for over a month away in the basement . I could actually shut my closet door and could see everything I could fit into hanging on hangers . It 's great ! Me and a few of my fun girlfriends went out for a wild night on the town tonight . We went bowling and for ice cream to celebrate a happy divorce . We had such a relaxing time together and I 'm pleased to report that I was the bowling champ with a score or 134 ! Likely the best score of my life , I remember thinking a 120 would be amazing and knowing I usually get in the mid 90s . Go me ! Then we went to Friendly 's for a sweet treat . I was totally sucked in by the add thing on the table and ordered a chocolate brownie ice cream sundae just like in the picture . I didn 't read the fine print though , it did not say " actual size " on the add and it sure wasn 't . I got a full , dinner sized plate full of ice cream , brownies , whipped cream , carmel and chocolate fudge . Holy cow it was a lot of ice cream . . . but I ate it all . Hey , I 'm pregnant . I have to exercise a few of the perks that come along with the pain and misery . I was home and in bed by 10 : 30 . Okay , so it wasn 't my most wild night on the town ever , but fun just the same . Congrats Lauren ! ! So tonight at dinner , it was Maddie 's turn to pray . She wanted Daddy to help her do it . He started the prayer , " Father in Heaven . " Maddie repeated exactly what she heard , " Seven . " She looked up and her smile was growing . . . If you read my post about the kids and numbers yesterday , you know that I knew exactly what was coming since Brian hadn 't caught the goof . Brian continued , something about thank you for the food , I don 't know . . . I was laughing too hard to hear him . All I could hear was Maddie excitedly saying , " Eight , Nine ! " The prayer continued in a totally normal way , except that I was busting up laughing . You 'd think I would learn . Whenever I get feeling busy or don 't want to sit and monitor the lengthy breakfast eating process , we get a mess like this yogurt painting and bath time we got this morning . Of course , we also get really happy smiles . . . When we had been married for one year , we had saved a bit of our wedding money . I knew that eventually I would need a good sewing machine and thought that we should use the money we had left to get a good name brand one that would last our entire marriage or at least 30 years . So , we shopped and shopped . Finally , I got a Bernina that was the best we could get without going into the computerized styles . That way , we figured maybe we could fix it ourselves if it ever broke . Right from the start , it was either off or turbo speed . I really loved it and didn 't want anything else . I convinced myself and Brian that over time , I would break in the spring and it would have all the desired speeds , like slow , medium , fast in addition to turbo . Well , it has been eight years now and I 've still been operating on stop or turbo . Until today . . . . . A good friend stopped by while I was cooking dinner and we were chatting about sewing . I asked if she knew a good place to have my machine serviced and maybe the spring in the foot replaced with a normal one . She had some recommendations and I pulled it out to show her the style of machine we have . After dinner , since it was still sitting out next to the kitchen table , Brian decided to take a look at it . He opened up the foot pedal and quickly found the potentiometer . In about 2 minutes , I have the full range of speeds . It is like heaven to me ! ! He 's the best . Now I 'm excited to sew my Halloween costumes again . I didn 't finish in time for our ward party last year , so we 're going to finish up those costumes this year and go as the Wizard of Oz clan . Good thing that the Dorothy costume has an empire waist . My big belly this year would never have fit in a regular dress . . . Maddie did so well at moving all around during our vacations the last two weeks ! She would basically sleep anywhere we stuck her , a crib in the dark basement , pack - n - play in a mountain cabin with kids playing around her , a futon bed in the spare bedroom . Brian decided to capitalize on her flexibility yesterday . We got home from our trip to Utah and he put the side rail on the big boy bed Ben used to use before he graduated to his loft bed last month . She thought it was a totally cool idea . " Maddie night - night Bens woom ? " she said . Ben has to have a lamp on in his room for light , so Maddie could see and it kept her awake for the extra half hour until Ben came to bed . Ben climbed in bed and was asleep in a few minutes . Maddie stayed awake until we went in after Ben was out and turned the light off . Then she was asleep right away . She stayed asleep the entire night . For naps today , she demanded to sleep in Ben 's room . The one bad side is that Ben told us this morning he didn 't sleep the entire night . He kept his eyes open the whole time to make sure Maddie didn 't fall off the bed . Poor kid . He must be exhausted ! ! So , assuming the good luck holds , the nursery can now be for the new baby . Not bad to be 4 months early ! Next task : loose the binkie . . . Everyone always has a million things to complain about , but sometimes I realize how many amazing things I have to be thankful for too . This is the view outside my front door in the summertime . Could you ask for anything more ? We love our little place here in Virginia . It is so beautiful and peaceful . I also greatly value going to the bathroom alone without little voices probing me for answers to urgent questions ( like what time does Dragon Tales start on PBS ? ) and little fingers poking under the door to get my attention . . . : ) Just a random thought I had while I was home spending time with my family . I remember long conversations with my poor mother . Me laying on the floor , pushing my little mouth up to the crack under the door so that my voice would carry through . Poor woman . Now I know why she got dinner ready , served us and then left to go " check her blood sugar " every day . I bet she loved that time alone ! Just kidding , Mom . I know you really had to get a shot of insulin , but I have been considering " checking my blood " lately . Maddie is obsessed with counting . Just 7 - 8 - 9 though . She walks around the house singing , chanting , yelling or just saying 7 - 8 - 9 . Weird . Ben occupied himself with Grandpa Dave 's remote control car this morning . His giggles and squeals are hilarious for us to watch . In his mind , the remote control car has a mind of its own . He pushes random buttons and switches and it zooms any which way it wants . There was absolutely no correlation between his moves and where it went . Grandpa Dave did give him lessons after a while of playing and then set up an obstacle course on the driveway . Of course , my camera card was full right at that moment , so no great photos to show . By the end , Ben had figured more or less how to maneuver and could get it mostly where he wanted to go . Maddie thought it was a funny toy too . She liked Ben to drive it up onto her feet . She kept telling him , " AGAIN ! ! " He would laugh and happily oblige her requests . Who doesn 't want to run over their sister on occasion ? Maddie is much more familiar with the facts of life than we had previously been aware . At my parents house , she and Ben played with a little toy farm . It had a fence , tractor , horse , cow , pig and two chickens . Every time she was left alone with it , she would talk to herself . She would pick up the chickens and say , over and over , " Maddie 's chicken nuggets . Maddie chicken nuggets . Chicken nuggets for Maddie . " All my growing up years in Utah , I knew that the pregnant leaders of our youth group weren 't allowed to go to camp with us up in the mountains . I just didn 't know why . Something about going into labor , I don 't really know . I figured I wasn 't far along enough to really worry about going into labor at 4 or 5 months . We headed up the mountain to my family reunion . Heber Valley Camp sits between 7 , 500 and 10 , 000 feet depending on where you are . Fairfax , Virginia is right near 400 feet above sea level . Quite a change to do in a week for anyone to adjust . I was just fine for a few hours and then I started feeling not so great . I was a weird kind of sick though and my abdomen hurt in a funny sort of way . After a while , I went to lay down on my bunk . Everything got better pretty quick , but every time I got up and around again it would start . I asked our local nurse Kristie and seasoned mom Juli why pregnant people really weren 't supposed to go camping . Turns out the baby doesn 't get the oxygen it is used to getting . The rest of the time , about 12 hours more , I just took it really easy , laid down when I needed to and chose not to participate in the high adventure course stuff . Everything was just fine as long as I was relaxing and we were home in no time at all . Guess you learn something new everyday . As we left the Hogle Zoo , Ben noticed the massive granite monument at This Is the Place with statues of several people on top . He was worried about it and asked , " Did those guys die and then they just put them up there after they were dead ? " Poor kid , thinking he was looking at dead people . While we were camping with the Robinson side of my family at the Heber Valley Camp , we got all the kids in the bunk house and I was the designated babysitter while the other adults hung out and played kick the can in the dark . After quite a while , Ben started complaining that Potsy wouldn 't be quiet . His favorite doll ( version number five no less ) had finally given up the ghost or at least he was trying . He is one of those plush Precious Moments dolls that if you squeeze the tummy , it says A Child 's Prayer . He wouldn 't stop saying the prayer , only you couldn 't really understand the words anymore , just more of a weird squeaky rumble that never stopped . Potsy really did go for almost 20 minutes straight and Ben couldn 't sleep with him snuggled against his face . The other kids were pretty much asleep , so I took Potsy outside to see what I could figure out in the light . I could not get him to stop , but Brian and I both knew Ben wouldn 't sleep without him . Brian found a sharp kitchen knife , opened Potsy 's pajamas and ripped his back seam totally open . He pulled out the batteries and Potsy was finally quiet . He gently stuffed all the stuffing back inside and velcroed the pajamas back together . Ben slept through the night . Pictures . . . well . . . my kids weren 't exactly on board with the whole idea . I give them a smidgen of credit because the reception didn 't even start until after bedtime on the East Coast , but they were really , really bad . The both would scream and arch their backs and would run out of the picture zone if we let go of them . Sorry , Brett & Missy . Hope you got at least one good one . If it makes you feel any better , they enjoyed chanting for you guys on our drive to the reception . Brian had Maddie all riled up , fist raised , chanting , " Uncle Brett , Uncle Brett , Aunt Messy ! " We 're working on pronouncing " Missy , " for now , you 're just going to have to be " Aunt Messy . " After picture time , they dimmed the lights to set a nice mood . To this , Ben queried , " Why did they turn the lights down ? " I told him it was to make it fancy . He looked around with skepticism in his brow . " It doesn 't look fancy to me yet . " Uncle Brett and Aunt Missy 's wedding luncheon went okay . Better than expected though I must admit ( from a nervous mother 's perspective ) . Who really wants to take a 4 year old and a 2 year old to a nice lunch with fancy dishes and linen napkins ? They did great . As soon as Ben sat down and saw all the silverware , he was immediately aware that he had too much for just him to use . He knelt on his chair , picked up a fork and began trying to give it to someone in need . He yelled , " Whooooo neeeeds a fooork ? " Ben decided that he could provide better entertainment on our drive from Uncle Brett 's wedding in Manti , Utah to his reception in Bountiful than the DVD player and his stack of movies . He started telling us stories he made up . This one in particular sticks in my mind . A balloon was up in the sky . It had a long , long string . The balloon got higher and higher and higher ( the giggles begin ) until Jesus ATE IT UP ! ! The End . I 'm not sure if I should be glad he thinks about Jesus and God a lot or worried about where he takes his imagination . . . For now , I 'm just enjoying the moments as they come . Maddie watched Dora and Diego so many times that she became convinced that she was the map . She will sing , " I 'm the map , I 'm the map , I 'm the map , I 'm the map , I 'm the MAP ! ! ! " She gets so excited about it that we just laugh at her . Maddie had trouble saying Grandpa . For four days , it was Grandma and Grandma . We worked and worked to get a Grandpa out of her , but it was tough going . We tried Papa and other things like that , she could say them , but wouldn 't call grandpa anything but Grandma . Finally , on the fifth day , a Grandpa popped out of her mouth . So we ripped up our kitchen about 10 months ago ( October 2007 ) and had it mostly put together for my family to all come visit at Christmas . We decided to hold onto the extra fridge because it would make feeding 19 people a lot easier if we had the extra space . Well , we just kept keeping it and keeping it . Brian worked diligently to empty it many , many times . He would empty the door and start slowly shifting everything to the new fridge . Then , I would go shopping and fill it right back up . Since the old fridge was right by the table , I could put away all the condiments , milk , juice , etc so much faster if I just threw them into the spots Brian had just emptied . Eventually , he gave up the fight . Sunday night I decided to finally just post the fridge on Craigslist even if it wasn 't ready . Sure enough , like magic , when I had an appointment for someone to come see it , I had emptied and wiped the whole thing down in about an hour . It was a trick to get everything to fit in the new fridge though . Let 's just say don 't open the door unless you are ready to catch a stray orange or apple . . . Seriously , I think I could do so much more with myself if I just have proper motivation . If I was accountable for more on a daily basis , I might could move the world . As it is , I don 't even think about moving the world , just a mess from the left side of the counter to the right side . . . how could I find anything if I actually put it away . The mortgage bill is about 1 / 4 " inch down on the leaning pile on the left , not in the finance file , etc , etc . That 's just the way I 've always operated . Sorry , Brian , but you did see my bedroom before you married me . You can 't say you weren 't warned . Side Note : I 'm not alone . Wednesday night I was talking to a sweet friend who told us that she had 3 cans of paint , rollers , etc in her entry way closet from an unfinished project for 3 years while the shoes and other things that should go there have been on the floor all over in front of the front closet . Just occurred to her this weekend that she could move the Posted by Our family spends a great deal of time ( and water ) waging a futile war against the ground bees that share our real estate . We are totally aware in our heads that we 're being stupid , but we can 't overcome the impulse inside to keep trying to win the battle . They are totally uninvited guests . Our house is at the bottom of a nice gentle sloping hill . Apparently , the exact type of place ground bees like to nest . In three years , we 've never been attached , heck , even bothered . They couldn 't care less that we are around . The first year we were here , Brian and I would chase them with a can of Raid that would spray up to 20 feet away . It was fun to watch them dive bomb and then totally crash after they had enough of poison soaking their tough little bodies . We went through LOTS of cans that summer . Ben thought it was cool that as soon as Dad came home from work , he could watch out the bay window and see him fight the daily battle . Year two they came back . I was so mad ! I even took it to the community association to see what they could do for us since the field in front of our house was swarming with hundreds of bees . It was there , that I really learned about them . Basically , they 'll never really go away . They have been tormenting our hill forever and no one has ever been stung . They did send an exterminator out , but the word was that his poison would work for a week but they babies would hatch and we would be back to square one . Mr . Exterminator did educate us a little bit as did the internet . Basically , I should ignore the big monster bees . They will all be dead in 2 weeks anyway . Concentrate my efforts on killing the babies by flooding the underground tunnels they dig to lay the eggs . So , every morning , all summer long for two years , we go outside with Ben and " water the bees " . Ben thinks it is a blast . It was actually reasonable effective , but realize the size of the problem I was fighting is huge . One single morning when I went out , I counted 52 NEW bee holes that had appeared overnight . Last night , Brian decided to water Posted by Sometime between last Saturday and this Wednesday , I magically became pregnant . I realized that lifting Maddie was starting to make me feel winded if I do it too much and my back would start to ache . After sitting on the floor , playing with the kids , I noticed that I have to get up like a pregnant lady now . I moved pretty much everything non - maternity from my closet into a huge pile on the floor . People started commenting on how I look pregnant now , but didn 't just last week . I know , I know , I 'm gaining weight . . . Great timing . We 're visiting family for the next two weeks and I was really hoping to look fat in all the pictures . On the up side , my doctor wrote my weight down wrong last month , so he told me I had lost weight at my appointment this week . Seriously , I think he does stuff like that to stay on my good side . Smart man . Ben 's ready to go . We leave in two days for Utah for Uncle Brett 's wedding , but he packed tonight . Good thing I did the laundry today . We went shopping yesterday and got him a new backpack . He chose purple with wheels and a handle so he can pull it around the airport . He played with it for about 4 hours this afternoon . He wouldn 't let it go for a second . Maddie had to stop eating dinner while he was busy just to get a chance to use it while he was distracted . The backpack is supposed to be " the big surprise " when we go to Utah . He 's going to show it to everyone . So , if you read this before our arrival , please act totally surprised when you see his snazzy new accessory .

MySpace CommentsIt amazes me how fast 2007 has gone by . We 've looked back at the year and realize so much has happened . We found our son ( March ) AND brought him home ( November ) , Sarah won 3rd place at the State level in the national PTA Reflections Contest for dance choreography , Analiese had TWO surgeries to close her palate , Dave got a promotion , Gracie learned to read and I became a volunteer with Love without Boundaries . We 've had our health , lots of happiness , good friends and lots of opportunities . We have been blessed and thank God everyday for all the good in our lives . We look forward to 2008 and know that it will be just as busy as 2007 was . To start the year , Sarah will be performing in the half - time show at the Jan 5th Atlanta Hawks game . In May , our boys , William and Thomas are graduating from High School , as is our niece Liz . The kids are just going to love all the celebrations . We 'll , once again , vacation with the Browns ; this time we are meeting in Gatlinburg . The summer will find us at the beach - - with Matthew who will love it as much as we all do . In the fall , Analiese will start kindergarten and Matthew will have learned enough English to communicate with us ! Grace is moving into 2nd grade and Sarah will be in her last year of elementary school ( big transition for Mom ! ) . Through all of the wonderful events we hope to slow down and enjoy each other and help Matthew ( and each other ) become a part of our family . We all have new roles and places to fill with his arrival . One thing that we 've decided is that we will no longer run the Chinese school . Dave 's dream was to bring the school to life , which he did , and I am so proud of his accomplishment ! Hopefully the school will continue to blossom and we can bring the kids as students sometime in the future ! When Dave and I married we never , ever envisioned this future for us . God 's plan has unfolded in so many wonderful ways for us ; we are so excited to see what He has in store for us in 2008 ! Happy New to all of you , may you be as blessed as we are ! Love , Posted by We had a very nice visit from Granddad Matt ( Wygong ) and Grandmom Eileen ( Waipo ) . The kids just loved showing off and getting lots and lots of attention ! Matthew instantly bonded with them and freely , without warning , gave lots of hugs ! I loved having some help as Eileen is wonderful around the house ; cooking and cleaning ! The night before Dad and Eileen left I tried to explain to Matthew that they were leaving . As I tucked him in I said , and pantomimed , " Waipo and Waigong going bye - bye " . Matthew 's response surprised me ; he started to cry , covered his eyes and said , " No go Waipo and Waigong " . It was just heartbreaking . I had Eileen come up to comfort him and tell him that he would be able to talk to them on the phone . It was obvious he was so sad . Needless to say , this morning when Matthew woke up , he ran through the house , yelling for Waipo and Waigong . He wanted to know where they were . Once again , we tried to explain that they had to go home , unfortunately , Matthew hung his head . The good news about this is that Matthew has shown how much he loves having a family . He understood the attention and he seemed to understand the relationship . On many occasions I would point to Granddad Matt and say , " my dad " and Matthew would smile and repeat . The only time he seemed to be distressed is when I told Matthew that Wygong 's name was also Matthew . He whined and kept pointing to himself , saying , " Matthew " . He really did not like it that Granddad Matt had the same name as he did . The visit really was so much better than I could have imagined for Matthew . . . . he is making such great progress ! I sure wish y ' all could have shared in our day . It was wonderful , to say the least ! We are so blessed to be a family , to be healthy and to be able to enjoy the fun things ! We had our visit with Santa today . Matthew was very excited while we waited in line . He was curious to see what was going on and waved to Santa several times . When it was our turn , Matthew and the girls readily climbed up into the chair to chat with the jolly old elf . We told Santa that Matthew did not speak english but that did not stop him from speaking quietly to Matthew . It was so fun watching Matthew smile for the camera . The girls all told Santa what they wanted . Grace also asked Santa how old Hershey was ; Santa said that Hershey was one of his oldest elves at ( at least ) 200 years old ! Grace 's eyes just got so BIG and then she giggled . After we saw Santa all of the kids were so animated - - including Matthew . Even though he has no clue what all of this is about he is loving every minute of it ! On the way home Matthew was singing , " It must be Santa " and then " Jingle Bells " . As soon as I figure out how to post a video I 'll share . It was so clear and Matthew was truly happy . This is such a magical time of year for all of us ! Today Matthew saw the cardiologist . I can 't say we are encouraged about the results but on the other hand we are not discouraged . After several tests and a sonogram , it seems that the diagnosis is a " Fistula of the right atrium " . Basically it is an interruption of the flow of blood . The cardiologist seems to think that this is was most likely caused by the deficits in Matthew 's diet and that after 6 months of a good solid , appropriate diet , rich in protein , Matthew 's heart will heal itself . So , for now , Matthew must take antibiotics prior to any medical or dental procedure . He doesn 't have any restrictions on his activities but I certainly will alert the coaches at school that Matthew has heart issues . I just would hate for ANYTHING to go wrong during PE . We will forward the report to the dentist and we should be able to now make a plan of care for Matthew . I shudder to think what is in store for Matthew . He is more like Grace in regard to medical procedure ; fear and screaming . Unlike sweet Analiese who just takes everything in stride . Speaking of Analiese , she was at the dentist the other day and he just RAVED about how well she is doing , in healing and in dealing with the appliance . It was agreed that she would return the day after Christmas for another evaluation . In the meantime we have scheduled the removal of her appliance for January 3rd . Unfortunately Analiese will have to be put under for this procedure but the risks of doing it in the office are way too many . Right now the appliance is basically cemented in . There is a possibility of the device " sticking " and having to be forcibly removed . We just don 't want Analiese to go through that . Right now she doesn 't have any fear of the dentist , the surgeon nor any medical procedure and we want to keep it that way . In her mind the doctors are there to help her not hurt her . So , for both of our children , their medical needs are more than what we first imagined . The good news is that nothing is insurmountable and we have the best care possible . We just hate that thPosted by The Elves brought us another gift today . . . it was the Elf on the Shelf . What is that you ask ? Well , the material items are a book and an elf . The other part of the gift is that it is a beginning of a new Christmas Tradition for our family . According to the book , this elf , whom we 've named Hershey , is here to watch the children and each evening he races back to the North Pole and reports what he sees to Santa . Because of Christmas " magic " he is able to go and return very quickly . To have Hershey in our home , Santa has lain down some rules ; 1 . Hershey cannot speak to the children , although the children can speak to him and tell him all of their wishes for Christmas , 2 . We cannot touch Hershey or he may lose the magic that allows him to travel between here and the North Pole . 3 . Every morning Hershey will be in a different place and the children must find him and 4 . The final rule is that Hershey will return to the North Pole on Christmas Eve but will return next year . This gift is very timely because Sarah was just asking me yesterday if Santa was real ! She says that some of the kids at school have told her that her Santa is not real and that parents bring all of the gifts . I did my best to explain to her that everyone believes something different . But , just like in the Polar Express , if you don 't believe then you don 't have the magic of Christmas and Santa will not visit those that do not believe ! She cried and begged for me to tell her the " truth " . I told her the truth was in her heart . The most amazing thing ? When we got home , the elves had left her a gift of a Santa hat that we had JUST talked about in the car that Sarah needed for her chorus and her dance performance . The elves also left a note that said , " Santa is real " . That pretty much sealed it for Sarah ; Santa DOES exist ! Matthew had a HORRIBLE day at school . It seemed to start , according to his teacher , first thing . She noticed that he did not want to do his morning work , something that he loves to do . It went down hill from there . By 10AM she came to me and said that he had just refused to do anything , even PE class . When I went to see , he was standing outside of the gym , refusing to go in . I tried to get him to comply but he told me no . I removed him , called Dave and then went and had my own little melt down as the assistant principal dealt with my son . Dave arrived and it was agreed that I would no longer be the first line of defense . I just cannot deal with the issues 24 / 7 . By the end of the afternoon , after Matthew refused to go with his ESOL teacher , he had to be restrained because he was screaming , yelling , falling on the floor , kicking and hitting anyone within reach ( which happened to be teachers and administrators ) . When we left school he was kept from the tumbling he so enjoyed and then sent to his room . I explained , the best that I could , why he was being punished . He had no tears and , what seemed like , remorse . At one point , in his room he wrote , MATTHEW , with no help . This child is learning so I cannot write off his behavior as not understanding , because he DOES understand and he has changed his behavior at home . All I can surmise is that he is choosing to be defiant because he just doesn 't want to do what he is asked to do and somewhere in his past , this behavior got him what he wanted ! Next week we have a meeting at school . This is just my worst nightmare . I am now the PARENT of the type of children I am responsible for ! What do I do ? ? ? ? Dave took Matthew ( and of course Analiese ) to see Dr . Thomas , the dentist , who just was involved in Analiese 's surgery this past week . So , he took a look at Analiese while she was there and said things look GREAT but she isn 't healed yet . He said the longer we keep the appliance in the better . He and Dr . Williams , the surgeon , believe that Analiese is somehow causing the breakdown of her palate ( with her tongue , maybe ? ? ? ? ) . Anyway , the appliance doesn 't bother her so if they want us to keep it in , keep it in is what we 'll do ! As for Matthew we didn 't get much encouraging news . Where do I begin ? Well for one , they won 't do any work until we get Matthew seen at the cardiologist for the heart murmur that the pediatrician has diagnosed . So , next week we are off to the cardiologist for an echo . The dental evaluation revealed that Matthew 's molars are in great shape and can be used to anchor some teeth . He also has 3 other teeth coming in . One is a molar that looks good and the other 2 are coming in sideways which is not so good . If they do not " upright " themselves they will have to be pulled . Not good when these are the only teeth he will get . Even the 4 front teeth are permanent teeth ( ? ? ) . The teeth that Matthew gets are permanent . . . no baby teeth for him . I guess the tooth fairy will have to come when he gets his dentures instead of when the teeth fall out ! The dentist also said that Matthew 's lower jaw bone is very thin and they will consider building up the bone with additional bone . We will get into all of the specifics once we have the full report from the cardiologist . Through the entire evaluation Matthew did very well . Much better than yesterday when he saw the pediatrician and had to get 4 shots . He screamed and cried and tried to run away . Sounds like Grace a little ! Anyway , Matthew was very reluctant to go to the dentist this AM after his appointment yesterday even though I tried to tell him he wasn 't getting any shots . Oh well . . . Matthew may not have gotten any shots at the dentist today but he did tonight . Posted by Last night , just as the Grace and Analiese were taking a shower , the doorbell rang . I didn 't see anyone when I looked out of the upstairs window but I thought I saw some elves running away from the house . Well , sure enough , when we went to look to see if the elves had left something for the kids we saw a very LARGE box . We quickly ran to open the door . To our surprise we found that the very large box was really a dog carrier and inside was a very tiny kitten . On top of the carrier was a bow and tag from Santa to the kids ! The kitten is so tiny and so very sweet . We 've tentatively named him ( YES a boy ! - - I guess Santa didn 't realize that we really preferred girl cats ) Clarence . Why Clarence you ask ? Well for those of you who seen the move , " It 's a Wonderful Life " you know that the angel sent to help Jimmy Stewart was named Clarence . This sweet little cat has been sent from heaven to help fill in the hole that has been here since our wonderful Mei - Mei disappeared . He is already litter box trained and is trying to win over Duchess . Unfortunately Duchess isn 't nearly as excited as we all are to have a new baby in the house . I 'm sure Clarence will win her over ! Analiese 's surgery went very well . Dr . Williams spent about an hour working on her palate and reported that the repair went well and Analiese has the best chance for a full repair . Unfortunately , the second layer of tissue is thin as Analiese just doesn 't have lots of healthy tissue . Dr . Williams hope that the appliance Dr . Thomas , the dentist , put in will give the tissue the opportunity to not only heal but regenerate . The appliance is very similar to a mouth guard that football players use . It not only covers the entire palate , but also the teeth . Analiese doesn 't seem to be bothered by it . She has to keep it in for at least 3 weeks and then we go for a follow up with Dr . Thomas who will determine if the appliance needs to stay . He will remove it , clean it and view the healing . If needed he will reattach the appliance . We will then visit Dr . Williams . The day of the surgery Analiese and I arrived at Scottish Rite very early ; 6 AM ! We were told by the nurse that the hospital was full and we may have some waiting after surgery for a room . Boy was she ever right ! Analiese was out of surgery and in recovery by 9 : 15 ( surgery started at about 7 : 45 ) . Dave and I were taken to the recovery room at about 10 : 00 to wait because there were no rooms available . As you can see from the photos Analiese was very distraught when we first arrived but it didn 't take very long for her to calm down . She is such a great little patient . The nurse said that she was so refreshing because most children are not nearly so calm . We waited until about 11 : 00 AM before we were moved into a room . It was not one of the rooms that we had in the past , it was one of the smaller rooms generally used for pre / post op only . We made the best of it , it was much easier after we were given a larger bed . The hospital is NOT the place to get any rest as the noise is outrageous and the nurses and techs are in and out so much . But . . . Analiese was a trooper and a charmer ! She is so compliant and just does everything that is asked of her . On the one hand I am so prouPosted by Yesterday Grace 's other front tooth came out . . . of course it was with alittle help from Mom , Mrs . McGuire , her teacher , and Grace herself ! Gracie actually was the one who finally pulled the tooth out . I told her that her big girl tooth was growing in before we could get a picture of " no front teeth " and she had to wiggle and wiggle her tooth so it would come out . She looks and sounds so cute ! On her letter to Santa she included " her two front teeth " as something she wanted ! Matthew 's reaction to the lost tooth was priceless . He looked at the tooth in shock and then stared in Grace 's mouth . He kept looking from one to the other . Then he motioned for me to wiggle his teeth ( none are loose ) and he then pointed to an area on the bottom of his mouth that seems to have a new tooth erupting . I 'm guessing that it is an adult tooth as this would be the time that the lower teeth fall out and the new ones come in . We have a dental appointment in a few weeks and will know more . But he was so AMAZED that Grace 's tooth came out . Unfortunately we just weren 't able to communicate about the tooth fairy so when he loses his teeth it will be a very brand new experience ! Tomorrow Analiese has surgery - - again - - to close her palate . This time they are putting in an obturator ( orthodontic appliance ) that will be wired to her teeth . The team hopes that this will help the fistula heal and stay repaired . We will have to bring Analiese back to Scottish Rite once a week to have the area cleaned because we will not be able to remove the appliance . I know that this surgery is going to have more behavioral consequences because it will be more restrictive for Analiese . I also anticipate longer than one night in the hospital . On the other hand , Analiese is such a trooper and very well prepared for the surgery ! She is not nervous or apprehension in the least bit . To her , she is going to see Dr . Williams , whom she loves ! I am so glad all of this has not frightened her . She really is a wonderful , special little girl ! Matthew 's morning did not go well atPosted by Yesterday Matthew had a VERY bad day at school . He has not wanted to go with the ESOL teacher , Amy , and she really hasn 't pushed the issue . Yesterday , when she went to try and bring him to her class he was defiant , folded his arms around his chest and told her " NO " then ran away from her . Well Amy did not want to force Matthew and insist that he come . When I found out , about an hour later , I went and got Matthew and brought him to Amy 's class . He told me no also and refused to sit in the seat given to him . I picked him up and plopped him down - - - he refused to look at Amy or the other children in the class . During the class Matthew would not participate and began to kick the table , when corrected he continued and Amy had to remove his chair from the group . When she did that Matthew proceeded to rake his fingernails against the chair to make noise . He continued to be a disruption . You would have thought that when it was time to go he would have jumped at the chance . Oh no , he didn 't want to do ANYTHING that Amy wanted him to and he refused to move out of her class . I was called in . I was able to get Matthew to go as far as the hallway of his classroom when he just threw himself onto the floor . Poor Amy was so distraught having to be a part of this scene . She offered to help , to get help , ANYTHING to make things better . But , I knew that the situation had to play out as Matthew was replaying his behaviors of China . So I sent Amy away and promptly took Matthew into the teachers lounge and had a mom to son moment - - which resulted in him screaming at me . With him screaming I walked him , not very easily , to his classroom to pick up his backpack and his coat and off to my office we went . When we got to my office I got a chair , faced in to my cabinet and sat Matthew in it . He not only continued to scream but began to scream louder and louder . Oh and he threw in some tears out of frustration . I would periodically look at him and he would gesture he wanted to get out of the chair but I told him no , he would then scream louder ! OPosted by How amazingly fast this week went . . . . Right before we left for China we were looking for a place to store our Halloween candy and today I started my Christmas shopping ! ! The time is just flying by . Matthew is making huge strides in transitioning into our family . Yesterday he participated in his first tumbling class . He absolutely loved it ! He laughed , he giggled and he acted just like a 6 year old boy trying something for the first time . I so wish I had remembered my camera as the photos would have been so great - - next week I 'll try and remember ! Today Matthew met his brothers for the first time . I think he was very surprised that they were " big " . I think he expected them to be older but still " boys " . He was very excited before they got here and then he became extremely shy - - - however he played basketball with them , played on the swings and played some games with them . He just had a great time . His english is just expanding everyday . He is learning the names of so many things and using them correctly ! He is just a smart kid . He says thank you without being prompted , covers his eyes if his sisters are in the bathroom and he just HAS to put his clothes in the laundry basket and best of all , his table manners have improved dramatically ! Last week at school was OK . Matthew gets tired in the afternoon , that is obvious . He tries hard to keep up with the other kids and does a great job even though he doesn 't understand ANYTHING that they are doing . His handwriting is perfect as is his copying from the board . His ESOL teacher spent some time with him and on Friday got to be the one to experience Matthew 's first ride on the swing ! Things are moving along . We have to take him to the ENT to check his one ear as it seems to be blocked and then he has to see the dentist for his entire mouth . Then next week he starts on his immunizations . . . he just will not like that at all ! I have to say that the bonding I did not feel in China is beginning now . I enjoy watching him and am fiercely protective of him ! When I check on him at night I seePosted by We finally made it home after a HORRENDOUS journey ! We started out with a very good day . We did not have to wake up early and enjoyed a relaxing breakfast at Chef Mickey 's . We got to the Hong Kong airport with more than enough time to catch our flight . The trouble began when we boarded the flight . We did not all have seats together and when we tried to get a couple to swap with us they refused . . . . I was angry as none of our kids are quite old enough to fend for themselves on an 11 hour flight ! then we were not in our seats 10 minutes when the captain told us that we would be delayed for a " mechanical problem " . Turns out the toilets are not working and you know how BIG of a problem that could be on an 11 hour flight ! So we waited . . . and waited . . . . with not air conditioning . Well Matthew could not wait and started to overheat so I was able to take him to the galley to try and cool down . A flight attendant gave Matthew some ice but pulled it back because he didn 't say " thank you " . I explained that he didn 't speak english but she insisted he could say it in Chinese , she would understand . I then told her that he had NO idea why she was giving him the ice . With that she walked away . Matthew chewed on some ice but you could see it was not cooling him down . When he started to rub the ice on his arms I knew I had to get him cooler . Thank goodness a decent flight attendant came by and I explained the situation . He took us to the front of the plane ( where we were immediately stopped and questioned as to WHY we would intrude on the first class area . Once again the same flight attendant came to our rescue . He even cleared a small spot so we could sit down . And down we sat for almost 3 hours . Dave had to eventually bring Analiese up to me as she was so hot and crying for me . The remainder of the flight went well . Analiese kept occupied ( for the most part ) and got a good bit of sleep . Matthew also did very well keeping himself busy and getting sleep . Sarah , on the other hand , barely slept feeling uncomfortable next to the old battlPosted by I am SO glad that we had the time to visit Hong Kong Disneyland ! In the usual Disney style , we were pampered and made to feel as if we were one of the most important people at the resort ! The other visitors , in the park , were another story . Talk about rude ! The lack of understanding of taking turns , standing in line and the impoliteness of staring took its toll on all of us . We finally took to pushing and staring back ! The guests at the hotel were of another caliber ; they obviously have traveled and understood what appropriate behavior is . Speaking of the hotel it was quite beautiful . In true Disney style , it was fabulously decorated for Christmas ( I 'll post more photos later ) . Our room , even though it was smaller than the suite at the Victory Hotel in Guangzhou was more than bearable ! The beds , linens and bathroom were immaculate . After a day at the park it was pleasure to come back to ! The park itself is very small compared to what we are used to at Orlando . There is only the Magic Kingdom with limited rides . The characters were few and only the most recognizable ones were available . On the positive side , we had NO waits and could ride over and over again if we wanted . The kids just loved the lack of crowds ! Because we stayed in a resort hotel we were given a second day of access to the park free with our room . So , the first day we toured until 2 : 00 , went back to the hotel , went swimming ( that 's another story for a different post ) and the next day we stayed ALL day long ; from 10AM to 8PM . We watched the parade ( WOW ! ) and the fireworks over the castle . Because the park was beginning the Christmas holiday season it was decorated with all beautiful lights . The castle , in particular was amazing ! The castle is not Cinderella 's castle but Sleeping Beauty 's castle and is much smaller , with no stores and no place to eat ( and definitely nowhere to spend the night ) . Matthew was amazed and had a great time . He rode Space Mountain twice ( each time being frightened ) but passed on the third time , opting to sit out with AnaliesePosted by Things seem so much brighter here in Hong Kong Disneyland has a way of easing your stress levels ! The hotel is wonderful , just like the Grand Floridian back home ! We arrived via the train and it was a grand adventure . We had so many bags , so many kids but we did it and it was good ! Matthew is turning out to be a great traveler . It helps that his sister are such good role models . Matthew 's behavior has changed immensely . He really gets it that he is supposed to do certain things . He very rarely yells at us at meals , he puts his napkin in his lap , mostly uses it to wipe his face ( instead of his arm ! ) and he consistently uses a fork ! He is such a quick learner . We had a temper tantrum on the way into the park until we got past the castle and he saw the rides then he whined and yelled that he wanted to go on the rides . Dave and I agreed to keep him off of the first ride ( the carousel ) . Matthew did not cry or yell . When we got off the ride and walked over to the second one he was very well behaved and we have not had an issue in 24 hours ! Seems that our structure and our boundaries are working . He is happy , skipping and enjoying himself as well as having appropriate behavior ! Today was the first day that I had been able to read any comments on the blog . For those of you who felt that you had to defend us THANK YOU , for those of you who so ignorantly blasted us , I feel so very sorry for you . You quite obviously do not know the first thing about children or child development . There is nothing mean nor malicious about setting boundaries and having expectations for children . You are entitled to your opinion but for your sake I hope you never get into to a situation where you must rise to the occasion because you just won 't know what to do . Happy Thanksgiving to everyone , we will go back to the park today and I will post pictures when we return ! I 've not posted because frankly , I 'm stressed beyond belief . Matthew 's behavior has been HORRIBLE , HORRIBLE , HORRIBLE - - to say the least ! When he doesn 't get what he wants , and he wants a lot , he throws temper tantrums . The other day Dave took him out of the hotel and Matthew screamed for about an hour . During that time he threw his socks in the river and just basically made himself very unlikeable . Yesterday he stole AGAIN from another store . What made it so bad was that he mad a BIG show of pulling out his pockets to indicate that he didn 't take anything . However , he had some trading cards stuffed into waistband of his shorts . I was LIVID when I found them . I marched him right back to the store , gave them to the shopkeeper and ask her to please be stern with him ; she would not be . Oh how frustrating . I even stopped a policeman to see if he spoke english - - he did not ! At meals Matthew continues to eat like he is an animal - - to put it bluntly . He yells and demands that we get things for him . I now just remove him from the restaurant . Yesterday he didn 't think I was serious and stomped back to the table and demanded more food . I promptly removed him again and made him stay away for awhile ! Today has been a bit better . He made a big show of allowing the girls to get on the elevator first instead of pushing his way in front of them , he only yelled twice in the restaurant and I removed him once . The only time he had a behavior issue is when he was in the bank with David . The security guard had to speak with him because he was crying and whining . The girls and I were in the store across the street and I would not allow Matthew into the shop . He did not like it but the shopkeeper ( the first one Matthew stole from ) gave him a stern talking to . I know I 'm being very hard on him but feel that is my only recourse due to the lack of communication . Last evening we had our guide speak to Matthew but he didn 't respond at all . He had his head down but I 'm not sure what that means . On a more positive note , we went to the safari park andPosted by Well another lesson learned another corner turned . Yesterday David took the children to the store to drop off our laundry ( yes a store ! ! ) . When they returned , Matthew ran into the bedroom portion of our suite and came out with a yo - yo . When I asked Dave if he purchased it he said no . Now I have been through all of Matthew 's things , the majority of the items are ones that we gave to him and I have never come across a yo - yo . I tried to ask Matthew where he got it from but no luck . When our guide came we asked that she question Matthew as to where he got the yo - yo . He simply refused to talk to her . At that point I had taken the yo - yo from him because he kept throwing it around in the air and would not listen when I told him no . He , of course , kept asking for it , over and over . Later that evening , when Dave went to pick up our laundry he spoke to the shopkeeper and asked if she sold yo - yo 's . Of course she did and lo and behold they were the same one that Matthew had . David explained to the young lady that Matthew had taken the yo - yo without paying and then asked her if she would take it back if we had Matthew return it ; she said she would if it was still in the package . Of course it was not in the package so David paid for it . Before leaving for dinner I slipped the yo - yo into my pocket and we made a detour back to the store . Matthew was very reluctant to go inside the store . Once inside I sat him down and out I pulled the yo - yo . Immediately his head went down . I had the young lady there explain to Matthew that we knew he had taken the yo - yo without paying for it and that it was very wrong to do that . She also had Matthew apologize to me . I then got a bag , put the yo - yo into it and gave it to the lady and told her to give it some other child . She immediately handed back to Matthew ; I told her no that he had to understand that he does not get to keep something that he did not pay for . After that Matthew was quiet and compliant . I hugged him and put my arm around him . He did not cry nor did he whine . Later , at another stPosted by We 've arrived In Guangzhou at the Victory hotel . It cannot hold a candle to the White Swan . The first suite they put us in was small and very tired looking . Definitely NOT big enough for the 6 of us ! So . . . . down to the front desk I went to inquire about a bigger room . We were given a bigger suite but not much bigger . We are struggling to fit everything into the room as well as ourselves . It is going to be a CHALLENGE for the next couple of days . The buffet is not even in the competition with the White Swan . Getting to the White Swan in the past has always been a breathe of fresh air . Here at the Victory I feel like we 've taken a step backward . I think we might be able to tough it out until Tuesday . Grace is sick this morning . She has a temperature and a headache . Hopefully this is just minor , something our meds can take care of . We 've been giving her breathing treatments regularly so I don 't think it has anything to do with her asthma . I , on the other hand , am feeling a bit better . I was able to eat a small breakfast but still do have a headache . Since yesterday I 've been struggling to find some fresh air . . . there just isn 't any here in China . That is part of the reason I am feeling so bad , I just feel like I can 't get a breathe of fresh air ; no wonder Grace is feeling so awful . We are off to the medical appointment this morning . I 'll tell you I 'll be glad to get this all over with and move on . Our flight from Fuzhou to Guangzhou went very well , the worst part was that we had to sit in the airport for several hours waiting . The kids did well even though it was quite a task staying occupied . Matthew had a time on the plane . He was very excited about flying and kept asking when we would board the plane . However , once we got on the plane he did not want to stay in his seat , keep his seat belt on or follow any of the rules . It was frustrating for Dave who had to eventually swat Matthew to get him to listen . Matthew cried and whined the last part of the flight but eventually got over it . Right now he is playing with a yo - yo Posted by In a few short hours we leave to go to Guangzhou . This transition plays such a major role in our adoption journey . For whatever reason the children change when they get to this next province . Maybe it 's a feeling of security that they aren 't going to be returned to the orphanage . Whatever it is we know that Matthew will turn yet another corner . I , unfortunately , got very sick yesterday . I spent the better part of the day and the night in the bathroom . I 'm sure it was something that I ate , who knows what it was . This morning I was able to have some tea and a bananna but nothing else . I 'm trying to stay hydrated but cannot think of putting any food into my mouth . What a horrible diet this is . . . . For those of you who think I 'm having my children the easy way I so want to scream . . . . being very far from home , not speaking the language and GETTING SICK on top of all of that is not easy , far from it ! Matthew continues to do well though this morning he quickly ate his breakfast and stomped his feet and whined when he couldn 't immediately leave the table . He tried to play under the table and really was not happy when Dave put him in his seat . Oh well , we quickly got past that . As we were packing yesterday and this morning I tried to tell him we were all going on a plane . I mimicked a bird and he giggled . He is a little nervous because he just doesn 't know what is happening . When our guide gets here she will be able to explain it all to him . Oh , I 've had several emails asking if I can read the comments left on my blog . No I cannot . But please don 't let that stop you from leaving them . Some day Matthew will be able to have a nice record of his journey and all of the support we received . Right now I 'm regretting the choice to go to Hong Kong for a few days , I 'm exhausted . Hopefully after our time in Guangzhou I will get reenergized and be ready for Disneyland . That is a question we get a lot . Just look at our photos , THAT ' S why we have so many childen - - - for massages ! Seriously , we 've been celebrities here in China , especially Sarah ! Everyone wants to take her picture and more importantly be in the photo with her . Yesterday , at the park , Sarah was in her glory , smiling , posing and pretending to be a Hollywood star . We even had a family give us their baby to hold so they could photograph the baby with us ! This part of China we enjoy . As you can see from the new photo taken this morning , Matthew is just full of smiles and happiness this morning . I got my first KISS last night from Matthew as I was tucking all of the kids into bed . He giggled after he did he gave it to me . He goes to bed very well , no arguing and falls fast asleep . Oh what a dream ! This morning at breakfast he looked at me everytime he did something he knew I would approve of and smiled when I told him " good boy " . Oh how wonderful he is ! Today we received an email with some photos of Malone , Matthew 's best friend from the orphanage . What a reaction from our boy , first amazement , then excitement and then yelling out his name ! I think he was in shock that somehow his Momma got his friend on the computer . These first experiences are so fun to watch . Today we have a free day and tomorrow we leave for Guangzhou . So . . . we will go back to the park , let the kids run for a while and then just relax . I 'm not sure what we 'll do for dinner . Last night we went back to the Chinese restaurant . The food was yummy and Analiese only broke one spoon ! After she did that the waitress brought out a fork and a knife . . . how funny ! The kids are all doing so well . I am so proud of Sarah ! She has bounced back from being sick to being a helper , a great big sister and a wonderful young lady ! I 'll tell you she really is an angel ! Today Dave took the kids out to do Tai Chi with the locals . The ladies were so impressed with Sarah 's grace and movement . Thanks to the teachers at Bravo , Sarah is showing off her skills on the other side of the worPosted by We spent the morning visting the temple . Dave took lots of photos , it really was an amazing place . We saw lots of families there praying for a recently deceased loved one . You could tell that 's what they were doing because they all had a red rope ( or ribbon ) tied around their waist . Dave said lots of prayers and lit incense to leave by the temples . QingNan just liked to light the incense . There was a woman who was near tears when she found out that all four of the kids were ours . She said we were just like " Buddha " and had great big hearts . She kept telling me thank you . She was very sweet and kind . We did get to see an amazing Banyan tree . . . that 's what the kids are climbing on in the photo . It was a great day , warm and pleasant . After the temple we went to lunch at KFC . Qing Nan wanted icecream and was quite agreeable to eat all of his lunch before he could get the icecream . We then went into the supermarket to get some water and juice . Matthew was quite funny when he said , " no toys again . . . " What a great sense of humor ! He did throw a small temper tantrum when I would not allow him to go up to the hotel room with Sarah and Grace for water . He stomped his foot and started to whine . I told him " no " and stomped my foot for emphasis . He came right back to me , not happy , but compliant . That was the end of that . Our guide , Catherine , commented that she saw lots of changes in Matthew . So we are making progress , little by little . We spent some time in the hotel room and Matthew kept calling me , trying to get my attention . He helped put lotion on my arms and just wanted to be near me . I 'd say he 's accepting his Momma . . . . We are off to the park and then to dinner . We may attempt the chinese restaurant again . . . We had a very uneventful night , we all slept fairly well . The kids were tired and all were asleep by 7 : 00 PM . I actually fell asleep by 7 : 30 but paid for it by getting up at 3 : 30 and only be able to doze until 5 : 00 AM . Breakfast was less of an adventure today . Matthew is ( mostly ) learning to eat with silverware , sit up to the table , take one item at a time and use a napkin instead of his arm . He still belches loudly and giggles but does cover his mouth ! He tries not to put his face into his plate but is not always successful . He RUNS everywhere , especially to food . Dave had an adventure in the bathroom with Matthew this morning when Qingnan grabbed the deodorizer from the bottom of the urinal before Dave could stop him . Needless to say hands were washed VERY well ! We know that these behaviors are the result of having no structure and no experiences in the orphanage but boy is it hard when the child is older and your mental expectations are different than if there were a baby . We went to a Chinese restaurant last night and it was a great experience . The entire staff was there watching us . It was a challenge to order and even more of one to eat without any silverware . BUT , none of us went home hungry ! The kids were troopers and tried everything but didn 't eat a lot ( especially the soup where Sarah said there were eyes in the bottom of the bowl - - I had a sneaking suspicion she might have been right ! ) . Once again we are enjoying most of our time but are getting very tired of being stared at . Last evening , on the way to eat , a young girl looked at QingNan and made a disgusted face . Boy did I become protective . I stared her down and was willing to defend my son . How dare she judge that sweet little boy who has been dealt a terrible hand . All I can say is that he may not be what she thinks as acceptable but he is going to have all of the opportunities she will NEVER be afforded . Success is the best revenge ! Dave and I know that we have a long road ahead of us with Matthew . But , once we get home things will be easier . I hopePosted by We had a very full day today ! We went to the Panda Park , the Lakeside Park and McDonalds ! For the most part it was fun and the kids had a great time . However , sweet Matthew threw a MAJOR temper tantrum ( see photo ) because he was not allowed to buy a toy at the park . We had just finished riding some of the amusement rides and were headed to lunch when Matthew asked to buy a toy , I told him no and he started crying , stomping his feet and then he eventually threw himself onto the ground . Boy did he attract a crowd ! I tried to carry him but boy is he heavy . Dave had to finally carry him and Matthew screamed the entire way . As you can see from the photo he sat next to me , threw off his shoes and screamed . When we got into the van , he was swinging his arms and feet , hit Dave a few times but David held him down and kept telling him no . Eventually he calmed down when Dave told Catherine to tell Matthew that his behavior was inappropriate and that he would not get McDonalds if he continued . The behavior stopped and Matthew eventually told us he was sorry . The rest of the afternoon was calm and full of smiles and laughter ! We went into a butterfly park and as you can see from the photos Matthew was very good at catching the butterflys and letting them go . We got lots and lots of smiles and laughter during that time . That was part of the reason why the meltdown was so unexpected . . . . During the rides Grace and Matthew went on one ride where you go up and down . He does not like heights . . . he kept telling Grace , " too high " and you could see the fear on his face . When they got off the ride , just like a true brother , he pushed Grace on her back , not hard and said , " TOO HIGH ! " Matthew is speaking lots to us and is trying to speak English . He has said his name , " Matthew " a few times and seems to be in agreement with it . He is curious about everything and asks lots of questions . I sure wish I understand just 1 / 2 of what he said ! Sarah is better today , no problems eating . Grace 's asthma is acting up but the new nebulizer works like a charPosted by It was an exhausting night for all of us . . . except for Matthew . He slept like a baby ! The rest of us had a horrible night . Sarah had food poisioning and could not keep anything down , Dave had a migraine headache and Grace and Analiese because of the long nap they had woke up at 3 : 30 AM and couldn 't get back to sleep . Needless to say we are pretty grumpy . Matthew has shown to be attached to Dave . When he awoke this morning and Dave was down in the lobby with Grace and Analiese , Matthew got into bed with me but was very quite . . . until Daddy came in ! Then he perked up and immediately wanted to watch these awful cartoons his irresponsible mother bought for him yesterday ! They are full of violence and fortunately they are going to get " lost " on the way home next week ! We worked on some table manners this morning . Matthew is very willing to change his behaviors ( putting his face into the plate and sucking up his food ) but it is hard to constantly remind him . Overall he is very compliant and listens well . It is obvious that he had very few rules to follow in the orphanange . Matthew did allow me to bathe him last night . Boy did I get lots of giggles and smiles ! He so ADORABLE with his few teeth . We are in love with this little boy who in spite of his rough beginnings has the foundation of a wonderful child ! He is trying to mimic our language . . . he repeats the girls names and particularly likes to repeat what I say and giggle . I 'll post some more later after we go to the Panda Park today . Let 's hope we can get the energy out of ALL of the children ! We 've had quite a ride these past two days . We met Matthew yesterday around 3 : 00 . He came into the conference room very shy , very frightened . He had a backpack on and also the director had a bag of things for him . When he walked into the room he shrunk back and was reluctant to come to us . However with some coaxing he came in , came to me and stood there . Of course everyone started speaking to him , and he became more confused . I held his hand , which he allowed , the girls each handed him a gift and David came over and knelt by him . Matthew continued to be shy and frightened by not duly alarmed . The aunties had Matthew give each of us a gift of yogurt and to Baba he gave an orange . It was obvious that he was becoming quite upset . One of the gifts the girls gave him was a watch which he put on and now was pushing every button and not wanting to put up his head . When Catherine , our guide , had me , Dave and Matthew sit together for our family picture was when the dam broke ! Matthew began to cry , wail and hurt . He threw his head back , opened his mouth and just began to howl with grief . It did not help that everyone was " talking " to him to get him to look at the camera . As he was on my lap I tried to comfort him as best as I could but it was to no avail . Dave finally asked them to give him a moment . It was so heartbreaking . Matthew was finally able to stop crying enough for the photo but he wanted NOTHING to do with us ! He only wanted the ayis . Catherine was great and had the ayis leave and tried to talk with Matthew ; it was obvious he only wanted to leave . We then went up to our room . Matthew only wanted to hold Catherine 's hand . When we got into the room the drama only increased ! Matthew wailed and screamed , threw himself onto the floor , tried to scratch himself , he hit his head on the wall and kept trying to run to the door . Dave was on his knees stopping Matthew every time he tried to get by . I 'll tell you our son is strong and strong willed ! ! ! Eventually Catherine had to leave because Matthew kept grabbing her and askinPosted by We are here in Fuzhou ! The trip was uneventful but so L - O - N - G ! The flight from Chicago to Beijing was delayed by and hour and a half , which really worked out for the best because we had less of a layover in Beijing . Sleeping was hard on the flight but we got enough to get us through . We arrived at our hotel at approximately 1 : 00 AM Saturday ( which was 1 : 00 PM Atlanta time ) . That makes a total of 20 hours of travel . We lost an entire day . . . The girls did GREAT ! Yes , even Analiese . . . Daddy took care of her , kept her occupied and we have very little drama . Sarah was and continues to be a fantastic help , all of this travel has made her very confident in foreign airports . Our hotel is nice , everyone is exploring right now while I post . We have adjoinging rooms , our has a wonderful king sized bed . I slept like a baby last night . Right now we aren 't feeling too bad from the time change . We 'll see how that progresses through the day . We met our guide , Catherine , last evening . She seems very nice and competent . She brought us some typed answers to questions about Matthew . He sounds like he is ALL BOY ! He is healthy and has a good apetite ( welcome to the Evans family ! ) . We are told he is happy and excited to be meeting us . I do expect to see some anxiuosness and most likely some tears . However , with the girls he will be kept busy ! We 've had breakfast and the girls are loving the choices . I even had some CABBAGE this morning ! We get to meet Matthew at about 3 : 00 this afternoon . Hopefully I 'll be able to post some video of our meeting . We are so excited and just cannot believe the time is here to meet our son ! It is our last night at home without our son ! Tomorrow we get on the plane to China to finally bring him home . we are full of excitement and a few nerves as we head off to the other side of the world . We hope that Matthew is being prepared for his transition and is looking forward to it . I finished packing and feel so very proud of myself . We have 3 checked bags and 3 bags we will carry - on as well as our stroller . I guess this just gets easier each time you do it ! I know that I 've not taken nearly the number of items that I 've packed before . Part of the reason is because the girls were so young and I took lots of baby items . I also realize that I 'm not going to a deserted island ; I may even find a Walmart where we can pick up some needed things I might have forgotten ! We leave at 5 : 15 AM to go to the airport and will not arrive at our final destination until Saturday morning at 11AM Georgia time ( 11 PM China time ) . It will be long and hard but that just goes to show that even having a child via the adoption route there is the long and hard labor ! The girls are excited and I know they will be good travelers . Sarah and Grace will be a big help with Analiese . The sad part is that we will be making this trip without the Browns . Our first two trips we traveled together and celebrated our newest additions together . I know that they are with us in spirit but geez it really is much more fun when they are in China with us . Whatever will we do if we get lost , who will draw the pictures ? ? ? ? We did get two care packages from them today and promptly put everything into our suitcases . . . . we will be very well prepared for Lucy 's ! We love you Brown family and will miss your company ! Yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of Analiese 's Gotcha Day . I must admit , I thought about it a few nights prior and made a mental note to be sure and get cookies for her classmates but it got so pushed to the back that I forgot until I picked her up from school ! Boy did I feel guilty ! But . . . . today we bought cookies and took them in to school and celebrPosted by We are just 3 days from travel and the stress is starting to set in ! With working full time ( and being in training until Wednesday ) , the girls dance schedule , packing , cleaning and final travel arrangements I feel like I 'm going to burst ! Most of the " stuff " is laid out ready for the suitcase but I need some time to be able to do that . I had not planned on taking any time off on Thursday but I 'm thinking that I 'm going to need at least half of a day to just make sure things are taken care of ! I wonder if Matthew is nervous or excited that he will soon meet his family . I just cannot imagine how a 6 year old can process the changes that are about to happen in his life . Nothing is going to be the same for him , nor for us . What a journey we all have ahead of us . I had to make a paper chain for Analiese this weekend ; she still cannot understand the passage of time . Every day , many times during the day , she would ask if we were going to get Qing Nan . Now we remove a chain from our link each night before bed time . I so wish I had thought of this earlier ! ! ! I 've been following our friends , the Straights , who are in China right now with their new daughter , Shelby . I can hear the ups and downs in her writing but also the joy and excitement . We think we are ready . . . . Dave has finished his painting and I am ( almost ! ) finished with the decorating . . . . We are ready for Matthew to come home ! As you can see we did his room in a race car motif . I don 't know why , but it just " felt " right . It turned out so cute , I sure hope Matthew likes it . I still need to get a couple of items but I 'm waiting so Matthew can help pick them out . I 'd like to get a side lamp and a throw rug for next to his bed . We redid the bathroom in a fish scene . . . I love the bubbles that Dave painted . I think it tones down the pink just enough . I LOVE the accessories , especially the octopus toothbrush holders ! Analiese and Grace are sharing a room ; I 'll post some photos of their room later . Analiese is falling asleep lots faster but has asked why Matthew got her room . She wants her bed back even though we bought a new full size for the girls . Grace is having a little difficulty sharing " her room " . Ah , just a small piece of what we know we will experience in the weeks to come . We went to First Fridays yesterday and just loved our time there . The Chapman 's put together a wonderful video that just brought tears to my eyes and Craig and Kristie 's story so touched our hearts . But , it was when Craig said that there was a " little boy named Matthew waiting in China for his family " , that the tears really flowed . Kristie said a wonderful prayer for us and we felt the love and support of all who were in the room . It was very moving and we love Dan and Susan for thinking of us ! We leave in 6 short days . We 've heard that Matthew is excited about coming to America and has his family photo album out looking at it . He wanted to know if he or Grace was the older sibling . Ah , once again , just a preview of things to come . Oh Matthew , your life awaits you with a family who is already so in love with you ! ! !

I just got in from a lovely dinner with my nephew from Houston , his wife , my son and my daughter . It is always a marvel to me that I get to have family who I love and who seem to love me and we actually enjoy spending time together . How cool is that ? I stopped on my way home from work and got a pedicure and manicure which was lovely . It gave me a good excuse to put my feet on my new jute rug and take a photo . I think this rug is the cat 's meow . I tried not to buy one for my dining room , but bamboo is so soft , the floor was getting scuffed up from the dining room chairs . So , now I have a lovely rug to protect my floor - and look beautiful . It even smells good ! I have been running since 3 : 30 this a . m . , and I need to get up tomorrow at about that time and go all day tomorrow too . Getting ready for vacation is really a lot of work ! But fun ! I will meet one of my sponsee 's at the meeting tomorrow morning at 6 : 30 . It is a good thing . Very good thing . It is amazing to me how much love can be contained in one little room - an AA meeting . If you don 't understand - keep coming back - you will . XXXOOOO , MC I am technically challenged tonight - so instead of having the caption of the photo just underneath the photo , I will bunch them up here . My daughter and I went out for pizza one Friday night and on the way home ( one mile from my house ) , I looked over as I was driving and saw that elk ! I thought I was seeing things ! It was humungous ! It was gorgeous and looked like a statue . I pulled over and started taking pictures . After a while , I noticed that there was a whole line of cars behind us , all with arms with cell phones hanging out of the windows - taking pictures . It was really something . My daughter and I ( oh , it is so nice to write that phrase ) were at an AA Founder 's Day picnic . It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon , but we are in a severe weather pattern and beautiful can turn strange very quickly . Some guy was standing and said " look , there is a funnel cloud ! " I looked and didn 't see it - but I looked a minute longer and saw the most amazing thing up in the sky . That is a photo of the first one . There were three funnel clouds in all as we stood there , getting pounded with wind and rain . And , being a wonderful mother , setting a wonderful example for my daughter , I stood out in this crazy weather taking pictures with my cell phone , along with my daughter and a whole lot of other nutty sober drunks . It was scary , but oddly exciting . It was a wonderful day . Parenthetical : what a miraculous thing to attend an AA picnic with my daughter . She knew more people than I did ! And there were some people who said hello to both of us and then found out I am her mother - the shock ! and then the recognition that " Gee ! This makes sense ! " And to sit with her and her ex and eat lunch - all of us sober . What a miracle . I could never have anticipated 10 years ago when they first got together that I would some day relish the sober company of those two . I truly love that guy I thought was the worst nightmare that ever darkened my door 10 short years ago ! Two roses from my garden . In a tiny vase that was brought to me by a beau from PraMary Christine My medal for completing the triathlon today . I earned this one ! For this race , they not only marked your arms and thighs with your bib number , but they marked the back of your calf with your age . I declined to have this done yesterday , but this morning , I thought - heck yes ! I am 57 years old and participating in a triathlon ! I am happy to claim that . This race was HARD . The water was cold which necessitated the use of a wetsuit . Swimming in a wetsuit is like swimming in a body sized girdle . I think if you are stick thin that might feel good , but it is tricky for others . As I was swimming , there were two separate occasions , with two separate women , where I needed to stop and stay with women who were in trouble and flag down some help . I had to do what I learned how to do in AA - just be with someone and just let them know someone is there , and someone cares . They both couldn 't breathe because of their wetsuits . My swim took about 15 minutes longer than it normally does , but I was grateful to be able to be there for those women who needed a hand . If I would have gone out there this morning just to show off my athletic prowess , the day would have to be considered a dismal failure . But before I left the house this morning , I prayed for God to show me how I could be of service to Him and my fellows , and He did ! It is also very nice to hang out with women my age in the transition area . There aren 't many of us at a triathlon . It is super fun to hang out before and after the race and also as we may catch each other on the transitions . The other thing ? It is so nice to see women 's breasts . Most women who do triathlons wear tri suits , which are like swimming suits , and then when we get out of the water , we just get on the bike with that and a shirt or not - I always put a skirt and a shirt over my tri suit . Anyway , so here are all these women without their usual breast hardware , a . k . a . bras . And do you know that real women 's breasts look virtually nothing like those big round hard things that protrude just south of the colMary Christine Getting ready for a triathlon tomorrow morning . At the crack of dawn . I need to be on the road by 4 : 00 a . m . I am excited ! In the above backpack is my wetsuit and other stuff that I didn 't feel like hauling out just for a photo . . . but I think the photo captures the mood . . . preparation and excitement . And I just threw in a rose for good measure . I have missed 25 days worth of roses and peonies . In fact , the peonies are already spent - but it was a banner year for them . They were gorgeous ! My daughter went missing for 24 or so hours . By the time I went to church tonight , I cried through the whole thing . I kept telling myself that she was fine and that I was wasting a lot of energy worrying . But it is a hard thing to allow yourself to love like that and have the kind of hope that is shining bright in my heart for her . She called tonight at about 6 : 30 . She and her fellow decided to spend an extra day fishing in Wyoming . They were having such fun . Oh , I cried with relief when I got this call . It is almost easier to live in despair . But I will take the hard path if it means having hope and love in my heart . Wish me good luck on my first triathlon wearing a wetsuit . Thanks ! Praise God ! This is the end of this series of posts . I have complained , but it has been very good for me . I don 't sit around thinking about my early sobriety or my later years , and I certainly don 't sit around thinking - Gosh , I have come a long way ! I am not done with my twenty - fifth year yet . I have 5 weeks or so left in it . I hope to stay sober until July 24 . If I had to bet , I would be willing to place money on the odds that I will still be sober then . But I am keenly aware that it is one day at a time and I can get drunk just as well as anyone else . But if I keep doing what I have been doing for the last 24 . 91 years , I will likely get what I have been getting for that time . . . that is sobriety . Not always the prettiest picture of sobriety , but it is sober - for reals . When I think back on this year , I think of being tired . I haven 't had a vacation for a year now . It has been my triennial super - busy year at work . It has been busy at home too . Here 's the other thing I think of when I think of the past year . My darling daughter asked me in January if she could go to the 6 : 30 a . m . meeting with me . I was a little bit shocked , but acted like it was the most normal thing in the world . I love to see God work in the life of a person making the most tentative exploration of maybe being sober . . . I took her to this meeting of mostly well - educated , well - to - do , middle - aged white people . Yuppies , she would call them . My precious girl is covered in tattoos and has chosen a very tough life for herself . That life is evident when you look at her . She is very very charming ( as we tend to be ) and it never fails to surprise me the favorable way people react to her . Anyway . . . on this morning in the middle of January , at this yuppie meeting , there was a lot of talk about prison , parole officers , probation officers , etc . It was a perfect meeting for my daughter . It was a weird meeting , I just sat back and got to admire the evidence of the hand of God - again . I have hope in my heart for her for the first time in over a decade . She hasMary Christine Let me just tell you : I am sick to death of this . ME ! ME ! ME ! Good Lord ! Enough ! However , I have just two years ( days ) left to complete my commitment to document each year of my sobriety . This gets tricky . As my sobriety has gone on and I have grown , my life has changed . My beliefs have changed . I usually write my blog keeping my readership in mind . I get a lot of readers who don 't know much about AA and are wondering if AA is for them . People search for info about AA and I have been writing this blog for so long ( every single day ) and I write the words " Alcoholics Anonymous " so often that my blog comes up when someone googles AA or Alcoholics Anonymous , or any number of searches about alcoholism and recovery from alcoholism . That , I feel is my mission here , to provide some information about what it was like , what happened , and what it is like now - for an alcoholic - me . When we get into the later years , if I am honest , I need to write about my spiritual journey , which offends some . That is why I keep these cards kind of close to my chest most of the time . When I got to AA , I was so happy to be able to choose my own concept of a higher power . As time went on , this concept changed . I was finally led very gently back to the church of my youth . If you had told me that I would have to go back to the Catholic Church when I got sober , I would have told you where to go . But the Hand of God has led me many places I haven 't wanted to go - and then I have been eternally grateful that I got to go . My journey back to Catholicism has been one of the most wonderful aspects of being sober . To do it by the book is something that is so important to me . The " rules " are no longer something for " other " people , they are for me . I don 't have it perfect by any means , but I am trying every day . I have been enrolled in Biblical School for the last two years . I thought I would become somewhat of a biblical scholar after 4 years of study , but I have to say that I have learned that I could study for a lifetime and not " get " a fraction of thMary Christine Its kind of weird to be writing here about the years when I have been writing every single day in this blog . Nothing much has changed in the last couple of years . In year twenty - three , I was plugging through having my son in Iraq . It was an unbelievable challenge for me . I started going to meetings a lot - sometimes 2 a day . I was going to so many meetings , I ended up sponsoring 7 women at the same time . Which just about drove me out of my mind . The way I sponsor is a bit too time intensive to do this with 7 people , 6 of whom were in their first year and doing the steps for the first time . We had the winter of insane snow . I hurt my back by falling on my driveway the very first day of the blizzard . I was running a lot ! I realized I could train to run a half - marathon . And I did so . I ran my first half - marathon in May of 2007 . It was a tremendous thing for me . I was thrilled to be able to sign up for a four year biblical school . It was something that I was able to commit to and I was pretty happy about that . OK , I am going to transcribe what is written in my birthday journal because it sums it up : " The overriding feeling this year is gratitude for a pretty big chunk of my life lived sober . I raised my kids sober . I got my education sober . I started my career in healthcare sober . My grandchildren have never seen me drink . My kids don 't remember me drunk . It is a miracle . This last year ? K . in Iraq - that 's been hard . Thank God I did what I know how to do and jumped into AA with both feet . Thank God . I ran a half - marathon in May and will do another in October . My triathlon is next weekend . I start Biblical School in August . I am very excited about that ! Really , a very very good year . Thank you Lord . " In 2005 , I celebrated 21 years of sobriety . It had been a hard but good year . I was spending a lot of time running , biking , and swimming and it really added a whole new dimension to my life . I have always suffered from depression , and this physical activity seemed to keep the depression at bay , which was pretty wonderful . On August 19 2005 ( two years from the day my cowboy left for the last time ) I went over the handlebars of my bike on my way to work . I broke one or more ribs and was sidelined from all of my physical activity . It was rough . I was in a lot of pain . Once the pain subsided I thought I could run again , but it only made the pain come back . So I sat quietly and tried to learn whatever lessons God had in store for me . I had started a blog the year before to talk about triathlon training . I found that boring , so I started another one about politics . I love politics and I used to spend a lot of time keeping track of what was going on . I had endless opinions about most everything and I thought it would be fun to express them . It was the time of Katrina and my son had gone with the National Guard to help . I wrote about the frustration of knowing that the people he went to help were shooting at helicopters - like the one he was in . And some jackass came along and started arguing with just about everything I said . I had NO readership whatsoever , except for this guy . I went to HIS blog with the intent to retaliate and found that he was an AA member . Well , I wasn 't going to put my AA life on my blog with my real name and political junk on it , so I started a whole different account just to be anonymous and talk to this guy . Once we were AA members talking to each other , all the differences were overlooked . . . we were just fellow travelers on this road . Soon he stopped blogging and I was blogging maybe once a week . Then in November of 2005 , a wonderful blogger who has since stopped blogging discovered my blog and let her blogger buddies know and before long I had readers ! It was the most exciting thing ! I had a broMary Christine I was stunned to realize that I forgot to mention that my youngest granddaughter was born in November 2003 . I have forgotten to mention several other huge things , but I figure I was not meant to write about them . But how can I not be meant to write about my little monkey ? She was born . I was there . So was her father and aunt . And her mom - who didn 't have a choice in the matter . So , back to 2004 - with the " nice " sober boyfriend . In September , with the approval of one and all , he purchased me a diamond engagement ring . And got on his knee and asked me to marry him . And I said yes . He put that ring on my finger and the relationship changed from that second . Our " engagement " lasted 6 days . Six days of him not showing up where he was supposed to be . 6 days of his sudden rage that I had never seen before . 6 days of a person I had no concept was hidden under the facade that I thought I loved . The last day involved him sharing with me the fact that the television set talked to him and that the dome light in his truck would flash on and off if he was having " impure " thoughts . Etc . Etc . Etc . It was like the cruelest joke I had ever heard . Only it wasn 't a joke and it wasn 't funny . It was another disaster in my life . He asked me if I thought he was " crazy " and I had to tell him that all this sounded delusional and paranoid . He said that " They " said the Wright Brothers were crazy too . I gave him back the ring and ended another relationship . I did count my blessings that it ended before it had gone any further . But then I started counting the people who knew he was that psychotic and just smiled and acted happy when I was talking about marrying him . There were only a few , but I will never forget that . I can forgive them because I have to , but I will never trust them . A very dear girlfriend was one of them and I tried for a year to just get over my feelings of betrayal and then finally told her that although I wished her no ill , I simply could not remain her friend . It was extremely difficult . I had known her since I got sobMary Christine In the summer of 2003 , I had to take a business trip to Las Vegas . By the end of the trip , I had a painful swelling under my left ear . When I got home I went to see my physician and was diagnosed with a parotid gland infection . It was like mumps . It hurt like hell , my face was swollen , I had a fever , and I was very sick . I had taken a couple of days of vacation to go to the State Fair with my sweetheart the cowboy . I didn 't want to go because I felt like hell , but I felt that I had to honor my commitment to go with him . He was rather put out about my trip to Seattle without him , and I think even a bit jealous of the trip to Vegas . So , he showed up to pick me up , he reeked of cologne , and he was talking very loud - which was all out of character . It only took me a minute to realize he was drunk - and we weren 't going on any trip . He had promised me that I would never see him drink , and until this day he had honored that . He was being obnoxious and I couldn 't get him out of my house . I told him he could " sleep it off " in my basement . I failed to anticipate that he wasn 't going to be getting sober because he was still drinking . I sat in my bedroom and cried . He sat downstairs getting more and more drunk . For the first time ever I was afraid of him . He was 6 ' 5 " and buff ( and beautiful ) . At the end of 36 or so hours , he left . It was the end of the relationship for me . I was devastated . The next day , I knew I needed to do something drastic to keep me alive and so I started running again . At that time I could only run for 5 minutes - downhill . After a while , I could run 10 minutes , then I knew I could run a mile . I would run a mile and feel so happy ! It took me a long time to get up to a mile and a half , and I stayed there for a while . Sometime early in 2004 , I met a woman who was training for a triathlon . I told her I would do it with her ! I started training early in the year for an August triathlon . I needed all that training because I did not even know how to swim properly . I learned . I registered for a triathlon in Mary Christine Everything was going so splendidly in my life , it really couldn 't stay that way , could it ? It didn 't . The relationship with the cowboy was a revelation to me . We got along . We did not fight . If we had disagreements , we discussed them rationally . He had endless patience with me . I had a lot of patience with him as well . We had tons o ' fun together . And we were a good AA couple - even though he was sober only a few years . As you might imagine , we started talking about him moving into my house . And we started talking about getting married . And I don 't think that was unreasonable . Then one night in October , 2002 , he called me . He was on his way to his brother 's house . He was angry about something that I didn 't understand . And it took only a few minutes to realize he was also quite drunk . I thought I was going to die . Just absolutely die . He disappeared for 3 or 4 days . I later learned that he drove to Montana and just got insanely drunk and slept in his truck for days . This put all our plans on hold - what turned out to be permanent hold . He was remorseful and resolved . . . . bla bla bla . . . . I listened , bla bla bla . The oldest story in the world . It doesn 't even bear repeating . We didn 't break up , but our relationship definitely changed . My heart was broken . By summer 2003 , I wanted to take a vacation and realized he was not reliable enough to plan one with , so when my old ( gay ) buddy from school asked me to come and visit him in Seattle , I did it . He was also in the process of getting sober - again . He said he would take a week off work and we would go be tourists by day and go to AA meetings at night . I asked him if he would indulge me in driving up to the small town in Northern Washington where I had lived with my husband and had last left - without saying goodbye - ten years earlier . I wanted to go on the night my old home group met . I looked in the directory and it was still listed , and still on Tuesday night . So , we ventured up there . He had a very fancy Lexus convertible , with a navigation system - which was very Mary Christine Oh , now this was a grand year ! Well , aside from some pretty tragic national events . Just after I celebrated my 17th AA anniversary , my realtor called me and told me she had found the perfect house for me . I wasn 't even looking for a house ! She asked me to just come and look at it . I walked in , fell in love , and although I thought the house was too expensive for me , I decided to just try to buy it . Absolutely everything fell into place . I was able to get the financing . I was able to sell my little townhouse and my closing was set for September 27 , 2001 . In the meantime , September 11 happened . I had gone to the opening Broncos game at the new Invesco Field at Mile High the night before . The Broncos beat the Giants , but my Eddie McCaffery broke his leg ! On September 11 , I got up late for work and walked downstairs to check the news on Eddie 's leg . I turned on the TV just in time to see the second airplane hit the World Trade Center . I stood at my television set for a long time trying to make sense of what I had seen - just like the rest of the world . My daughter called me because I have an uncanny ability to make the worst situations seem better . She was expecting me to do that . Instead , we were on the phone when the first tower fell - and I cried and said " the whole world just changed . " I knew it would be the end of peace for us , and I was right . My daughter cried and said I was making her feel worse , not better ! After that , my packing and preparing to move just came to a halt . All I was doing was going to AA meetings and cooking and knitting . I canned peaches and pears , I made mass quantities of peach jam , pear chutney , dill pickles , salsa . . . standing in the kitchen staring at the television and crying . While I should have been packing . I got moved just the same . It was the worst move I have ever had - because I was not prepared . But I still got moved . I had less than 3 months of school left to go . I sat in my new family room and spread out my papers and books and finished writing my thesis . It was pretty wonderful . Mary Christine After I got my bachelor 's degree , I decided I was in the habit of going to school and should just keep right on going to get a master 's degree . It was also my first year in management at work . It was a blur of work and school . It wasn 't much fun . In December of 2000 , I went to the 6 : 30 meeting as I was in the habit of doing . About half way through the meeting , an old man who had once been my friend said something so insulting about me , something sexual , and really disgusting , I started crying . I noticed that a couple of the younger men he sponsored laughed at this disgusting thing . When they passed the basket at 7 a . m . , I walked out . Instead of going to work , I went home because I could not stop crying . One person from the group called me to see if I was OK . I was not OK . I was so sad . He had been my friend . He is maybe 25 years older than me - he is about 80 now . He got sober in 1973 - same as my sponsor - but a month later than her . He had always flirted with me , in an innocent way , but after his wife died in 1999 , his attitude towards me turned really mean . I don 't know why ( and I don 't really care either ) . I ignored him for a while . But when he said something right in the meeting and those men laughed , I thought to myself , " I have no use for a group that tolerates this kind of behavior , and I am out of here . " And I was . I could accept that he was a bitter old man . But I could not accept that the rest of the group just sat there and tolerated it . So , I found another group . But I felt so hurt about this . It was a hard time in my life and feeling homeless in AA did not help . Honestly , all I remember of that year is all the hours I worked , and then I went to school all day Saturday and Sunday every other weekend , and spent every other free minute working on homework . On my Seventeenth birthday , I wrote in my birthday journal : " This year , I truly know that God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself . I let ____ run me out of my home group . I am having problems with other people . I want to move back up north wherPosted by As I said in my last post , I spent seven weeks with a neck brace on , it was difficult . Especially to be a student . I had to hold books up to my eye level to read them because I could not bend my neck to look down . But I continued in school and continued to have good grades . Sometime in late summer 1999 , my meth addict daughter was at my house and whatever she did caused me to say " Oh my God , you are pregnant ! " She looked at me like I was on meth ! And then she thought about it . And then she went to the doctor and found that she truly was pregnant . Since she was on meth for part of her first trimester , some family members ( her dad ) were insistent that she have an abortion . I was just as insistent that she didn 't . Her sister and I both made the commitment to take care of her and the baby no matter what happened . It could have been horrible . I am so grateful that we made that commitment and that the pregnant one went along with it . She moved in with me and we had a lovely 6 or 7 months of waiting for a baby . It was such a special time . We really didn 't know if the baby was going to be " OK " or not , but we knew we would love the baby just the same . On March 19 , 2000 , a perfectly perfect and beautiful baby girl was born . The father ( another meth addict ) was present for the birth and so were auntie and nana . She was born on my mother 's birthday . It was the most wonderful thing to happen . I was a grandmother ! My daughter was a mother ! And she was a good one ! The baby was not only perfectly healthy , but had a gentle and sweet disposition . They moved back in with me and I was in seventh heaven . A few short weeks later , their nuclear family was assembled under the same roof , and it wasn 't mine . In other words , they moved out . And they moved in with the father of the child . I expected a nightmare , but I was wrong . For a few years , they remained off meth and did a pretty good job of being responsible adults . ( for a few years . . . ) In May 2000 I graduated from college ! I was a Bachelor of Science - my major was Health Information MMary Christine I think this is getting really tiresome . . . Any opinions anyone would care to express ? I was thinking of maybe doing 5 year blocks from here on out - and therefore getting this done in two more days . I am happy to write them year by year , but the later years start blending . . . . Ok , so I celebrated 14 years . I moved into my very own little townhouse . I was driving to work one day shortly thereafter in my vintage Subaru , holding the driver 's side door shut , and admiring the steam billowing from under the hood . I thought - that 's it ! I am buying a new car ! And I did ! I purchased myself a brand new 1999 white Volkswagen Jetta , and oh , how I loved that car . Since I had a new car , I decided to take the road trip I had wanted to take for years . I drove ( by myself ) from Denver to Youngstown , Ohio to see my old childhood friends , and then on to Pittsburgh to see my parents ' graves . I also decided to stop in Akron to go to 855 Ardmore Ave . I didn 't really have a huge desire to go there because I think Bill and Dr . Bob are constantly spinning in their graves with the way we have idolized them . But since I was driving right through Akron , I thought I might as well go there . I sheepishly asked my non - alcoholic childhood friend if she would mind - since we were traveling together on this leg . She was happy to go . As we walked up the stairs to that house , I got goose bumps all over . When we walked in the door and a couple of old geezers seated in the living room said " Welcome Home , " I cried . I turned to my friend , embarrassed , and was amazed to see that she was crying too ! She found it incredibly moving as well . To think of all that transpired in that house was pretty inspiring ! I am glad the house is preserved , but I do wish we would stop idolizing those two fully human drunks . . . . but I digress . . . By this time , I had decided to go to school part time instead of full time , so I was watching my original classmates get ready to graduate , while I had another year to go . I still think it was a good decision . I still enjoyed school , I wasPosted by In fall of 1997 I started classes at the university I had always dreamed of attending . It was pretty wonderful . It was a revelation to me to find that I was getting " A " s at this school too . And to find that I had a gift for statistics was absolutely incredible to me . I had gotten a couple of promotions at work and was doing a job I really liked . I had been on the Ethics Committee for a couple of years and had learned a lot . I felt that I really belonged at my workplace - which is a feeling I hadn 't had in too many places other than AA . I was still living in North Denver , but that year , on Cinco De Mayo , I decided I really had to move . I lived 2 blocks off the main cruising drag and the days around the 5th of May were a scary nightmare where I had to either stay indoors and not leave the house , or leave the house and stay away . It was terrifying . There was a shooting in the alley behind my house . For as much as I loved the house and the neighborhood , I knew I needed to get away . So I started looking for a house to buy . I applied for a mortgage and wonder of wonders , I got pre - qualified ! There were a couple of old debts that I needed to clear up , so I did . I spent months looking and finally found a townhouse I wanted to buy . It was tiny - 870 square feet , but it was in a pretty area , very close to my workplace and my morning meeting place , and it was painted green ! I made an offer and it was accepted ! The closing was on July 24 , 1998 - my 14th AA birthday . I went to the closing and gratefully signed my name a thousand times . I went to the meeting to celebrate that night and had a whole new realization . Many of my old friends were at the meeting , including my first boyfriend in sobriety - the one who brought wine and beer on our first date , and the young man from East LA who had lived with me . As these people shared in the meeting , they painted a picture of a person that I later realized that the newer people didn 't even recognize . A few of the people in their first 5 years or so talked to me after the meeting and toldMary Christine I am not real clear on how I am going to do this for another 12 days . The longer I have stayed sober , the " less " I have had going on - which is a good thing . I guess as I look back on 1996 - 1997 , there are several things that stand out in my mind . I discovered that one of the down sides of a life of stability was that when you are not the one leaving all the time , other people leave and it is YOU left behind . In January 1997 , my best friend moved away to the UK . She was in love and left . I couldn 't believe a person in her 50s would leave her home , her family , give away almost everything she owned and leave the country - for a man ! Granted , I had done the same things a few years previous , but I thought this gave me special insight into why this was a horrible idea ! I was pretty devastated that she left . It left a big hole in my life . I need to say that she is now married to this man and still lives in the UK . She did however start drinking again and as far as I know she is still drinking today , and it feels sad to me that my first sponsor has been drinking for probably ten years now . A few months later , my other dear friend got a job in San Francisco , and decided to leave town . I was heartbroken . My Saturday afternoon hikes and movies became a thing of the past . A really wonderful thing that happened is that I applied and was accepted into the big time university I had always dreamed of attending . It just seemed like it was too much to believe that I would be attending this fabulous university . They actually let me in ! But why wouldn 't they ? I had a very good GPA for the couple of years I had been attending community colleges . It was amazing what happened when I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing . I didn 't have to fix my life in one moment . I just kept chipping away at it . I remember one night driving to class , I had a huge final exam to take - in my worst class , Anatomy and Physiology . I started praying in the car , sort of begging God to help me take the test , and I rMary Christine This is where I stopped keeping my journal . I just didn 't have much drama going on , or much time to write . I was busy working , being a student , being an AA member , and generally living life on life 's terms . Since I had started my job in September of 1994 , things really started changing for me . I had some real stability . I actually had vacation time ! I actually had a little bit of money to go take vacations . I was hanging around with my old best friend - my first sponsor in AA . I had made a wonderful friend in a man who had gotten sober just a couple of months after I did . We would meet at the meeting on Saturday mornings and then go take day long hikes in the mountains . When we were done with that , we would generally go to a movie . I love movies , but for some reason , I usually go when it is someone else 's idea - but it was great fun to know all the movies . In November 1995 , I rented a house in North Denver . Oh , how I loved that house ! It was over 100 years old . It was 2 blocks from a lovely old church , which I walked to frequently . If you have read about my journey for the last eleven or so days , you might have a pretty good concept of why I was so excited to live in a pretty little house and go to the pretty church two blocks away . I always paid my rent on time . I never caused a problem for my landlady and landlord - who lived just next door . ( When I told them I was moving 3 years later , my landlady actually cried ! ) The police only came to my door once - and that was when my house was burglarized . I was working in Southwestern Denver , living in North Denver , and going to meetings in a northern suburb . I was doing a lot of driving . At that time , I also started having a lot of pain in my neck . I was diagnosed with arthritis in my spine . My physician looked at the x - ray of my neck and told me my neck had been broken in several places - and he wondered what the heck happened ! I couldn 't begin to explain it to him . He told me with a very sad face that I would be in pain for the rest of my life . By that time , I alreadyMary Christine Something changed for me when I turned 10 years old in AA . I don 't know what happened , but everything changed . I used to say in meetings that it was like in the movie " The Wizard of Oz " when Dorothy 's house lands in Oz , she opens the door and the world has gone from black and white to color . My life became 100 % in color . I had gotten really broke , as I expected I would - after taking several months off of work . I was working as a temp at a quilting magazine . It was really fun , but it wasn 't much money . I remember one day looking at the way someone had written their numbers like a bunch of lower case letter " i " s and I missed my life in medical records terribly . I said something about working " in my field , " and thought - wow , I have a " field . " That day , I checked my messages on a break and found I had a message asking me to come in for an interview in a medical records department at a hospital . It was a smaller hospital , and a small department . It was extremely low - tech , and I fell in love with it the minute I hit the door . I prayed I would get that job , and I did . ( There is a wonderful side story about this interview I blogged about when I was a new blogger , you can find it here if you would like to more time reading about ME ! ME ! ME ! ) I wrote this in September of 1994 , " It feels like I 've come around a huge corner . I actually feel happy and I am looking forward to the future . " What a wonderful thing , after the abysmal years of that marriage . My divorce was final in October . I changed my name back to my maiden name . I was so grateful to go to bed alone at night . I was grateful to go places alone . I was grateful to be alone . My daughter by this time was incarcerated , so I was living alone . My son was now in the Army . I had that pretty apartment and it was clean and wholesome and the rent was paid and I had a job . I felt like a real bonafide human being . A real woman who was living a life consistent with my values . I loved my job and I loved my boss . She took a mentor role with me and actually talked me into going to Mary Christine At nine years of sobriety , things were just about to start happening . My dad , who had been in a nursing home for several years , had a stroke . I went to Iowa to sit at his side as he was dying . It seems like I was there for months , it was only a week . He died on August 29 , 1993 . I loved my dad so much , it was so difficult to lose him , even though he was old , in poor health , and had lived years longer than anyone thought he would . I came back home to Denver - to this man who had invaded and was occupying my home . My daughter was just starting to " act out , " and so despite years of court battles and thousands of dollars in a custody battle that I had lost , my ex was suddenly happy to have her come and live with me . And I was happy to have her . Somehow watching the way my husband treated my daughter was finally the thing that made me willing to walk away . One week from the day my dad died , on September 12 , 1993 , I walked away from my home . I had a backpack . It had a change of underwear , my toothbrush , big book , and my journal . And I didn 't care what I lost anymore . I just needed peace for me and my daughter . We went and stayed with an AA friend . I had to find a car and an apartment and suddenly this did not seem like an overwhelming task . My sponsee loaned me her car so that I could go look for a car . I went to many buy here - pay here lots until I found one where they were willing to finance me . . . which made no sense at all . I remained friends with the owner of that lot for a very long time and always made sure he knew that he made it possible , just by financing that old hail - damaged Ford Escort , for me to have a new life . ( I did pay every cent I owed , and on time every month . ) I borrowed against a small inheritance to get the money I needed for a deposit and first month 's rent . I found a wonderful apartment that will always be one of my favorite places in my memory . It had an exposed brick wall all across one side of it , and a screen door , a deck for my plants , and it looked out on a courtyard full of trees . My daughPosted by Do you know that when I talk to people today , I call this last marriage a " brief marriage ? " I have a convenient memory . I have mostly forgotten the details of how awful it was . And I thank God for that , because I do not need to carry this stuff around with me . It is a heavy load . One which , thanks be to God , I have largely gotten rid of long ago . I don 't walk around with the anger that would maybe be understandable - if you wanted to live in understandable misery . On August 5 , 1992 , I left Washington AGAIN . I took the train . I had my journal with me , so I wrote in my journal . There is one memory so crystal clear to me , it is wonderful to read what I wrote in that moment and see that it is exactly the same as my memory . I was on the train , I had salted away money for a month or more so that I had a little stash of my own money . And with that I paid my train fare from Seattle to Denver . I was unable to get a sleeper car on such short notice , so I was just sitting in a seat , all day and all night long . Here 's what I wrote in my journal : " I woke up at about 3 a . m . and felt that wonderful feeling of safeness . There are people all around me and I am safe . My neighbors on the train are four strange men and one strange woman , but I feel safe because there are people around me . I actually slept more than I have for months . " By the last days in Washington , I was sleeping with my purse under the mattress , partially for quick escape , and partially because I didn 't want him to steal from me . I got back home to Denver AGAIN . My friends welcomed me AGAIN . My kids were glad to have me back AGAIN . I was back at my home group and with my sponsor . My group elected me to be treasurer ( that 's a whole other story ) , and I was volunteering at Central Office . I was heartbroken over the marriage AGAIN . I had found a letter to his son he had left where I could find it that said that he should have left me years ago , but he needed me for immigration purposes . . . but I already knew that . It hurt just the same . By October , I was getting back onPosted by It was 1991 , and I had just celebrated seven years of sobriety . I was back to Denver , less than a year after getting married . I guess I could have been humiliated , but I was just so grateful to be back home with my old friends and my family . I got back in touch with my old sponsor , who I loved very much , and I was grateful for that relationship . I got a little apartment just a couple of blocks away from my home group . It was the dumpiest place I have ever lived . But I loved it . It was mine . I could easily afford it on my disability check . It was one of those apartment complexes full of AAs . I knew a lot of my neighbors . I got very close to several of them . We would walk en masse every morning to the 7 : 30 meeting . And hang out afterwards . It was nice . Somehow my husband talked his way back into my life . It might have been because I loved him , who knows why this happened , but it did . Obviously , nothing changed . But I was commuting between northern Washington and Denver . I wouldn 't give up my apartment , thank God , so I always had a place to go . But the emotional upheaval was tremendous . Some time during this year , my sponsor called me and asked me if I was sitting down . I was . She told me she was drinking . I could not believe it ! This woman had been a superstar of AA . . . she knew all the " right " people out in California . I thought I was hooked up with AA royalty with her . . . and here she was , drunk . I was flabbergasted . I sought a new sponsor and my only qualification was that she not be some old prissy Christian hag who was going to shove her religion down my throat . There was a woman I disqualified just because she wore a cross around her neck . So I picked Eva . Eva was from Mexico . She was sober 15 years and went to a meeting every day . She was truly an AA member . She cussed like a sailor and I suspected she was a lesbian . English wasn 't her first language , it was barely her second language , but she did punctuate nearly every sentence with the word " fock . " I thought she would be great . The first time we got together , Posted by I celebrated 6 years of sobriety on July 24 , 1990 . I had a great home group , I had a new sponsor from that group , I had a man I adored who wanted to marry me . My family liked him , my friends liked him . It seemed my bad taste in men was history . We were married on August 6 , 1990 . It was a civil ceremony in a park . We were surrounded by our AA group . It was a nice wedding . I don 't know if I was ever happier . Within the first month , he slapped me across the face , but I thought it was just a strange fluke , certainly not in character for this man . We moved back to the United States . . . and he began the 3 year residency before he became a citizen . . . but I am getting ahead of myself . One month and one day after we were married , his two teenage sons from Australia came to visit . We lived in a beautiful house on a lake . One thing I never thought about as we rented it was that the master bedroom was a loft - open to the living area downstairs . I didn 't know his sons would be living with us . And I certainly could have never imagined two teenage boys would dislike me - hate me even . I had never met a kid previous to this who didn 't just love me . I left my husband for the first time in October . But came back because I realized I had no where to go . It got worse . It got a lot worse . On May 3 , I wrote in my journal that as I was preparing dinner for these people , one of the kids said " 64 % of Americans are overweight , doesn 't that make you feel better ? " I don 't remember this , thank God . I just wrote it in my journal . And just found it now and want to go kick some Aussie ass . The next day I wrote " I won 't write that it can 't get any worse than this , that 's just tempting fate , isn 't it ? " oh dear . I knew . I had been hit in the face with a metal thermos , I had two fingers broken . I can 't even catalog the injuries , it is just ridiculous . And of all the things I lost , the belief that I could never be a battered woman was probably the most painful . I came to understand why they stay . It is impossible to understand until you have experieMary Christine It turns out I am missing my journals for the period of August 20 , 1989 to August 30 , 1990 . That saves me from looking at all the stuff I wrote . This missing period is most of my sixth year of sobriety . I came back to Denver from New York in August 1989 . I didn 't have anything to return to , no home , no car , no kids . . . I had a storage unit . And a home group . I was happy to be back in Colorado . I stayed here and there for a week or so after I returned until I could rent an apartment . I got a small apartment 2 miles away from the club . I bought a bicycle for transportation . I learned how to ride the bus . I got a small job at the club ( and promptly lost it - imagine getting fired from a $ 3 . 65 an hour job at an AA club ! ) I was learning how to be a human being instead of a human doing . I was learning to love myself even when I wasn 't doing anything stellar . I was learning how to let go of things and trust God . Oh , I would have been able to " tell you " about all this stuff in my first couple of years , but this was a very deep experience of surrender which I had never imagined before . I missed my kids horribly , but they were being well cared for by my ex - husband and his new wife . I was actually very grateful that my kids had a good place to go while their mother was not really able to care for them . I was getting disability checks in the mail , and believe me , if there was ever anyone who was disabled , it was me . It was enough to live on in my new humble lifestyle . I was actually able to save enough money to pay cash for a 1979 Audi - the first used car I had ever purchased in my life ! I think I might have loved that car more than any other I have ever owned before or since . On November 1 , 1989 , a man I had met earlier in the year came back to town . He was from Australia , he had been in Denver attending a school . He had decided not to go back home after being in the United States for 6 months or so . He had been in California , and we had stayed in touch . But in November , he clearly wanted to come to Denver to see me . I was a bPosted by

I just got in from a lovely dinner with my nephew from Houston , his wife , my son and my daughter . It is always a marvel to me that I get to have family who I love and who seem to love me and we actually enjoy spending time together . How cool is that ? I stopped on my way home from work and got a pedicure and manicure which was lovely . It gave me a good excuse to put my feet on my new jute rug and take a photo . I think this rug is the cat 's meow . I tried not to buy one for my dining room , but bamboo is so soft , the floor was getting scuffed up from the dining room chairs . So , now I have a lovely rug to protect my floor - and look beautiful . It even smells good ! I have been running since 3 : 30 this a . m . , and I need to get up tomorrow at about that time and go all day tomorrow too . Getting ready for vacation is really a lot of work ! But fun ! I will meet one of my sponsee 's at the meeting tomorrow morning at 6 : 30 . It is a good thing . Very good thing . It is amazing to me how much love can be contained in one little room - an AA meeting . If you don 't understand - keep coming back - you will . XXXOOOO , MC I am technically challenged tonight - so instead of having the caption of the photo just underneath the photo , I will bunch them up here . My daughter and I went out for pizza one Friday night and on the way home ( one mile from my house ) , I looked over as I was driving and saw that elk ! I thought I was seeing things ! It was humungous ! It was gorgeous and looked like a statue . I pulled over and started taking pictures . After a while , I noticed that there was a whole line of cars behind us , all with arms with cell phones hanging out of the windows - taking pictures . It was really something . My daughter and I ( oh , it is so nice to write that phrase ) were at an AA Founder 's Day picnic . It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon , but we are in a severe weather pattern and beautiful can turn strange very quickly . Some guy was standing and said " look , there is a funnel cloud ! " I looked and didn 't see it - but I looked a minute longer and saw the most amazing thing up in the sky . That is a photo of the first one . There were three funnel clouds in all as we stood there , getting pounded with wind and rain . And , being a wonderful mother , setting a wonderful example for my daughter , I stood out in this crazy weather taking pictures with my cell phone , along with my daughter and a whole lot of other nutty sober drunks . It was scary , but oddly exciting . It was a wonderful day . Parenthetical : what a miraculous thing to attend an AA picnic with my daughter . She knew more people than I did ! And there were some people who said hello to both of us and then found out I am her mother - the shock ! and then the recognition that " Gee ! This makes sense ! " And to sit with her and her ex and eat lunch - all of us sober . What a miracle . I could never have anticipated 10 years ago when they first got together that I would some day relish the sober company of those two . I truly love that guy I thought was the worst nightmare that ever darkened my door 10 short years ago ! Two roses from my garden . In a tiny vase that was brought to me by a beau from PraMary Christine My medal for completing the triathlon today . I earned this one ! For this race , they not only marked your arms and thighs with your bib number , but they marked the back of your calf with your age . I declined to have this done yesterday , but this morning , I thought - heck yes ! I am 57 years old and participating in a triathlon ! I am happy to claim that . This race was HARD . The water was cold which necessitated the use of a wetsuit . Swimming in a wetsuit is like swimming in a body sized girdle . I think if you are stick thin that might feel good , but it is tricky for others . As I was swimming , there were two separate occasions , with two separate women , where I needed to stop and stay with women who were in trouble and flag down some help . I had to do what I learned how to do in AA - just be with someone and just let them know someone is there , and someone cares . They both couldn 't breathe because of their wetsuits . My swim took about 15 minutes longer than it normally does , but I was grateful to be able to be there for those women who needed a hand . If I would have gone out there this morning just to show off my athletic prowess , the day would have to be considered a dismal failure . But before I left the house this morning , I prayed for God to show me how I could be of service to Him and my fellows , and He did ! It is also very nice to hang out with women my age in the transition area . There aren 't many of us at a triathlon . It is super fun to hang out before and after the race and also as we may catch each other on the transitions . The other thing ? It is so nice to see women 's breasts . Most women who do triathlons wear tri suits , which are like swimming suits , and then when we get out of the water , we just get on the bike with that and a shirt or not - I always put a skirt and a shirt over my tri suit . Anyway , so here are all these women without their usual breast hardware , a . k . a . bras . And do you know that real women 's breasts look virtually nothing like those big round hard things that protrude just south of the colMary Christine Getting ready for a triathlon tomorrow morning . At the crack of dawn . I need to be on the road by 4 : 00 a . m . I am excited ! In the above backpack is my wetsuit and other stuff that I didn 't feel like hauling out just for a photo . . . but I think the photo captures the mood . . . preparation and excitement . And I just threw in a rose for good measure . I have missed 25 days worth of roses and peonies . In fact , the peonies are already spent - but it was a banner year for them . They were gorgeous ! My daughter went missing for 24 or so hours . By the time I went to church tonight , I cried through the whole thing . I kept telling myself that she was fine and that I was wasting a lot of energy worrying . But it is a hard thing to allow yourself to love like that and have the kind of hope that is shining bright in my heart for her . She called tonight at about 6 : 30 . She and her fellow decided to spend an extra day fishing in Wyoming . They were having such fun . Oh , I cried with relief when I got this call . It is almost easier to live in despair . But I will take the hard path if it means having hope and love in my heart . Wish me good luck on my first triathlon wearing a wetsuit . Thanks ! Praise God ! This is the end of this series of posts . I have complained , but it has been very good for me . I don 't sit around thinking about my early sobriety or my later years , and I certainly don 't sit around thinking - Gosh , I have come a long way ! I am not done with my twenty - fifth year yet . I have 5 weeks or so left in it . I hope to stay sober until July 24 . If I had to bet , I would be willing to place money on the odds that I will still be sober then . But I am keenly aware that it is one day at a time and I can get drunk just as well as anyone else . But if I keep doing what I have been doing for the last 24 . 91 years , I will likely get what I have been getting for that time . . . that is sobriety . Not always the prettiest picture of sobriety , but it is sober - for reals . When I think back on this year , I think of being tired . I haven 't had a vacation for a year now . It has been my triennial super - busy year at work . It has been busy at home too . Here 's the other thing I think of when I think of the past year . My darling daughter asked me in January if she could go to the 6 : 30 a . m . meeting with me . I was a little bit shocked , but acted like it was the most normal thing in the world . I love to see God work in the life of a person making the most tentative exploration of maybe being sober . . . I took her to this meeting of mostly well - educated , well - to - do , middle - aged white people . Yuppies , she would call them . My precious girl is covered in tattoos and has chosen a very tough life for herself . That life is evident when you look at her . She is very very charming ( as we tend to be ) and it never fails to surprise me the favorable way people react to her . Anyway . . . on this morning in the middle of January , at this yuppie meeting , there was a lot of talk about prison , parole officers , probation officers , etc . It was a perfect meeting for my daughter . It was a weird meeting , I just sat back and got to admire the evidence of the hand of God - again . I have hope in my heart for her for the first time in over a decade . She hasMary Christine Let me just tell you : I am sick to death of this . ME ! ME ! ME ! Good Lord ! Enough ! However , I have just two years ( days ) left to complete my commitment to document each year of my sobriety . This gets tricky . As my sobriety has gone on and I have grown , my life has changed . My beliefs have changed . I usually write my blog keeping my readership in mind . I get a lot of readers who don 't know much about AA and are wondering if AA is for them . People search for info about AA and I have been writing this blog for so long ( every single day ) and I write the words " Alcoholics Anonymous " so often that my blog comes up when someone googles AA or Alcoholics Anonymous , or any number of searches about alcoholism and recovery from alcoholism . That , I feel is my mission here , to provide some information about what it was like , what happened , and what it is like now - for an alcoholic - me . When we get into the later years , if I am honest , I need to write about my spiritual journey , which offends some . That is why I keep these cards kind of close to my chest most of the time . When I got to AA , I was so happy to be able to choose my own concept of a higher power . As time went on , this concept changed . I was finally led very gently back to the church of my youth . If you had told me that I would have to go back to the Catholic Church when I got sober , I would have told you where to go . But the Hand of God has led me many places I haven 't wanted to go - and then I have been eternally grateful that I got to go . My journey back to Catholicism has been one of the most wonderful aspects of being sober . To do it by the book is something that is so important to me . The " rules " are no longer something for " other " people , they are for me . I don 't have it perfect by any means , but I am trying every day . I have been enrolled in Biblical School for the last two years . I thought I would become somewhat of a biblical scholar after 4 years of study , but I have to say that I have learned that I could study for a lifetime and not " get " a fraction of thMary Christine Its kind of weird to be writing here about the years when I have been writing every single day in this blog . Nothing much has changed in the last couple of years . In year twenty - three , I was plugging through having my son in Iraq . It was an unbelievable challenge for me . I started going to meetings a lot - sometimes 2 a day . I was going to so many meetings , I ended up sponsoring 7 women at the same time . Which just about drove me out of my mind . The way I sponsor is a bit too time intensive to do this with 7 people , 6 of whom were in their first year and doing the steps for the first time . We had the winter of insane snow . I hurt my back by falling on my driveway the very first day of the blizzard . I was running a lot ! I realized I could train to run a half - marathon . And I did so . I ran my first half - marathon in May of 2007 . It was a tremendous thing for me . I was thrilled to be able to sign up for a four year biblical school . It was something that I was able to commit to and I was pretty happy about that . OK , I am going to transcribe what is written in my birthday journal because it sums it up : " The overriding feeling this year is gratitude for a pretty big chunk of my life lived sober . I raised my kids sober . I got my education sober . I started my career in healthcare sober . My grandchildren have never seen me drink . My kids don 't remember me drunk . It is a miracle . This last year ? K . in Iraq - that 's been hard . Thank God I did what I know how to do and jumped into AA with both feet . Thank God . I ran a half - marathon in May and will do another in October . My triathlon is next weekend . I start Biblical School in August . I am very excited about that ! Really , a very very good year . Thank you Lord . " In 2005 , I celebrated 21 years of sobriety . It had been a hard but good year . I was spending a lot of time running , biking , and swimming and it really added a whole new dimension to my life . I have always suffered from depression , and this physical activity seemed to keep the depression at bay , which was pretty wonderful . On August 19 2005 ( two years from the day my cowboy left for the last time ) I went over the handlebars of my bike on my way to work . I broke one or more ribs and was sidelined from all of my physical activity . It was rough . I was in a lot of pain . Once the pain subsided I thought I could run again , but it only made the pain come back . So I sat quietly and tried to learn whatever lessons God had in store for me . I had started a blog the year before to talk about triathlon training . I found that boring , so I started another one about politics . I love politics and I used to spend a lot of time keeping track of what was going on . I had endless opinions about most everything and I thought it would be fun to express them . It was the time of Katrina and my son had gone with the National Guard to help . I wrote about the frustration of knowing that the people he went to help were shooting at helicopters - like the one he was in . And some jackass came along and started arguing with just about everything I said . I had NO readership whatsoever , except for this guy . I went to HIS blog with the intent to retaliate and found that he was an AA member . Well , I wasn 't going to put my AA life on my blog with my real name and political junk on it , so I started a whole different account just to be anonymous and talk to this guy . Once we were AA members talking to each other , all the differences were overlooked . . . we were just fellow travelers on this road . Soon he stopped blogging and I was blogging maybe once a week . Then in November of 2005 , a wonderful blogger who has since stopped blogging discovered my blog and let her blogger buddies know and before long I had readers ! It was the most exciting thing ! I had a broMary Christine I was stunned to realize that I forgot to mention that my youngest granddaughter was born in November 2003 . I have forgotten to mention several other huge things , but I figure I was not meant to write about them . But how can I not be meant to write about my little monkey ? She was born . I was there . So was her father and aunt . And her mom - who didn 't have a choice in the matter . So , back to 2004 - with the " nice " sober boyfriend . In September , with the approval of one and all , he purchased me a diamond engagement ring . And got on his knee and asked me to marry him . And I said yes . He put that ring on my finger and the relationship changed from that second . Our " engagement " lasted 6 days . Six days of him not showing up where he was supposed to be . 6 days of his sudden rage that I had never seen before . 6 days of a person I had no concept was hidden under the facade that I thought I loved . The last day involved him sharing with me the fact that the television set talked to him and that the dome light in his truck would flash on and off if he was having " impure " thoughts . Etc . Etc . Etc . It was like the cruelest joke I had ever heard . Only it wasn 't a joke and it wasn 't funny . It was another disaster in my life . He asked me if I thought he was " crazy " and I had to tell him that all this sounded delusional and paranoid . He said that " They " said the Wright Brothers were crazy too . I gave him back the ring and ended another relationship . I did count my blessings that it ended before it had gone any further . But then I started counting the people who knew he was that psychotic and just smiled and acted happy when I was talking about marrying him . There were only a few , but I will never forget that . I can forgive them because I have to , but I will never trust them . A very dear girlfriend was one of them and I tried for a year to just get over my feelings of betrayal and then finally told her that although I wished her no ill , I simply could not remain her friend . It was extremely difficult . I had known her since I got sobMary Christine In the summer of 2003 , I had to take a business trip to Las Vegas . By the end of the trip , I had a painful swelling under my left ear . When I got home I went to see my physician and was diagnosed with a parotid gland infection . It was like mumps . It hurt like hell , my face was swollen , I had a fever , and I was very sick . I had taken a couple of days of vacation to go to the State Fair with my sweetheart the cowboy . I didn 't want to go because I felt like hell , but I felt that I had to honor my commitment to go with him . He was rather put out about my trip to Seattle without him , and I think even a bit jealous of the trip to Vegas . So , he showed up to pick me up , he reeked of cologne , and he was talking very loud - which was all out of character . It only took me a minute to realize he was drunk - and we weren 't going on any trip . He had promised me that I would never see him drink , and until this day he had honored that . He was being obnoxious and I couldn 't get him out of my house . I told him he could " sleep it off " in my basement . I failed to anticipate that he wasn 't going to be getting sober because he was still drinking . I sat in my bedroom and cried . He sat downstairs getting more and more drunk . For the first time ever I was afraid of him . He was 6 ' 5 " and buff ( and beautiful ) . At the end of 36 or so hours , he left . It was the end of the relationship for me . I was devastated . The next day , I knew I needed to do something drastic to keep me alive and so I started running again . At that time I could only run for 5 minutes - downhill . After a while , I could run 10 minutes , then I knew I could run a mile . I would run a mile and feel so happy ! It took me a long time to get up to a mile and a half , and I stayed there for a while . Sometime early in 2004 , I met a woman who was training for a triathlon . I told her I would do it with her ! I started training early in the year for an August triathlon . I needed all that training because I did not even know how to swim properly . I learned . I registered for a triathlon in Mary Christine Everything was going so splendidly in my life , it really couldn 't stay that way , could it ? It didn 't . The relationship with the cowboy was a revelation to me . We got along . We did not fight . If we had disagreements , we discussed them rationally . He had endless patience with me . I had a lot of patience with him as well . We had tons o ' fun together . And we were a good AA couple - even though he was sober only a few years . As you might imagine , we started talking about him moving into my house . And we started talking about getting married . And I don 't think that was unreasonable . Then one night in October , 2002 , he called me . He was on his way to his brother 's house . He was angry about something that I didn 't understand . And it took only a few minutes to realize he was also quite drunk . I thought I was going to die . Just absolutely die . He disappeared for 3 or 4 days . I later learned that he drove to Montana and just got insanely drunk and slept in his truck for days . This put all our plans on hold - what turned out to be permanent hold . He was remorseful and resolved . . . . bla bla bla . . . . I listened , bla bla bla . The oldest story in the world . It doesn 't even bear repeating . We didn 't break up , but our relationship definitely changed . My heart was broken . By summer 2003 , I wanted to take a vacation and realized he was not reliable enough to plan one with , so when my old ( gay ) buddy from school asked me to come and visit him in Seattle , I did it . He was also in the process of getting sober - again . He said he would take a week off work and we would go be tourists by day and go to AA meetings at night . I asked him if he would indulge me in driving up to the small town in Northern Washington where I had lived with my husband and had last left - without saying goodbye - ten years earlier . I wanted to go on the night my old home group met . I looked in the directory and it was still listed , and still on Tuesday night . So , we ventured up there . He had a very fancy Lexus convertible , with a navigation system - which was very Mary Christine Oh , now this was a grand year ! Well , aside from some pretty tragic national events . Just after I celebrated my 17th AA anniversary , my realtor called me and told me she had found the perfect house for me . I wasn 't even looking for a house ! She asked me to just come and look at it . I walked in , fell in love , and although I thought the house was too expensive for me , I decided to just try to buy it . Absolutely everything fell into place . I was able to get the financing . I was able to sell my little townhouse and my closing was set for September 27 , 2001 . In the meantime , September 11 happened . I had gone to the opening Broncos game at the new Invesco Field at Mile High the night before . The Broncos beat the Giants , but my Eddie McCaffery broke his leg ! On September 11 , I got up late for work and walked downstairs to check the news on Eddie 's leg . I turned on the TV just in time to see the second airplane hit the World Trade Center . I stood at my television set for a long time trying to make sense of what I had seen - just like the rest of the world . My daughter called me because I have an uncanny ability to make the worst situations seem better . She was expecting me to do that . Instead , we were on the phone when the first tower fell - and I cried and said " the whole world just changed . " I knew it would be the end of peace for us , and I was right . My daughter cried and said I was making her feel worse , not better ! After that , my packing and preparing to move just came to a halt . All I was doing was going to AA meetings and cooking and knitting . I canned peaches and pears , I made mass quantities of peach jam , pear chutney , dill pickles , salsa . . . standing in the kitchen staring at the television and crying . While I should have been packing . I got moved just the same . It was the worst move I have ever had - because I was not prepared . But I still got moved . I had less than 3 months of school left to go . I sat in my new family room and spread out my papers and books and finished writing my thesis . It was pretty wonderful . Mary Christine After I got my bachelor 's degree , I decided I was in the habit of going to school and should just keep right on going to get a master 's degree . It was also my first year in management at work . It was a blur of work and school . It wasn 't much fun . In December of 2000 , I went to the 6 : 30 meeting as I was in the habit of doing . About half way through the meeting , an old man who had once been my friend said something so insulting about me , something sexual , and really disgusting , I started crying . I noticed that a couple of the younger men he sponsored laughed at this disgusting thing . When they passed the basket at 7 a . m . , I walked out . Instead of going to work , I went home because I could not stop crying . One person from the group called me to see if I was OK . I was not OK . I was so sad . He had been my friend . He is maybe 25 years older than me - he is about 80 now . He got sober in 1973 - same as my sponsor - but a month later than her . He had always flirted with me , in an innocent way , but after his wife died in 1999 , his attitude towards me turned really mean . I don 't know why ( and I don 't really care either ) . I ignored him for a while . But when he said something right in the meeting and those men laughed , I thought to myself , " I have no use for a group that tolerates this kind of behavior , and I am out of here . " And I was . I could accept that he was a bitter old man . But I could not accept that the rest of the group just sat there and tolerated it . So , I found another group . But I felt so hurt about this . It was a hard time in my life and feeling homeless in AA did not help . Honestly , all I remember of that year is all the hours I worked , and then I went to school all day Saturday and Sunday every other weekend , and spent every other free minute working on homework . On my Seventeenth birthday , I wrote in my birthday journal : " This year , I truly know that God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself . I let ____ run me out of my home group . I am having problems with other people . I want to move back up north wherPosted by As I said in my last post , I spent seven weeks with a neck brace on , it was difficult . Especially to be a student . I had to hold books up to my eye level to read them because I could not bend my neck to look down . But I continued in school and continued to have good grades . Sometime in late summer 1999 , my meth addict daughter was at my house and whatever she did caused me to say " Oh my God , you are pregnant ! " She looked at me like I was on meth ! And then she thought about it . And then she went to the doctor and found that she truly was pregnant . Since she was on meth for part of her first trimester , some family members ( her dad ) were insistent that she have an abortion . I was just as insistent that she didn 't . Her sister and I both made the commitment to take care of her and the baby no matter what happened . It could have been horrible . I am so grateful that we made that commitment and that the pregnant one went along with it . She moved in with me and we had a lovely 6 or 7 months of waiting for a baby . It was such a special time . We really didn 't know if the baby was going to be " OK " or not , but we knew we would love the baby just the same . On March 19 , 2000 , a perfectly perfect and beautiful baby girl was born . The father ( another meth addict ) was present for the birth and so were auntie and nana . She was born on my mother 's birthday . It was the most wonderful thing to happen . I was a grandmother ! My daughter was a mother ! And she was a good one ! The baby was not only perfectly healthy , but had a gentle and sweet disposition . They moved back in with me and I was in seventh heaven . A few short weeks later , their nuclear family was assembled under the same roof , and it wasn 't mine . In other words , they moved out . And they moved in with the father of the child . I expected a nightmare , but I was wrong . For a few years , they remained off meth and did a pretty good job of being responsible adults . ( for a few years . . . ) In May 2000 I graduated from college ! I was a Bachelor of Science - my major was Health Information MMary Christine I think this is getting really tiresome . . . Any opinions anyone would care to express ? I was thinking of maybe doing 5 year blocks from here on out - and therefore getting this done in two more days . I am happy to write them year by year , but the later years start blending . . . . Ok , so I celebrated 14 years . I moved into my very own little townhouse . I was driving to work one day shortly thereafter in my vintage Subaru , holding the driver 's side door shut , and admiring the steam billowing from under the hood . I thought - that 's it ! I am buying a new car ! And I did ! I purchased myself a brand new 1999 white Volkswagen Jetta , and oh , how I loved that car . Since I had a new car , I decided to take the road trip I had wanted to take for years . I drove ( by myself ) from Denver to Youngstown , Ohio to see my old childhood friends , and then on to Pittsburgh to see my parents ' graves . I also decided to stop in Akron to go to 855 Ardmore Ave . I didn 't really have a huge desire to go there because I think Bill and Dr . Bob are constantly spinning in their graves with the way we have idolized them . But since I was driving right through Akron , I thought I might as well go there . I sheepishly asked my non - alcoholic childhood friend if she would mind - since we were traveling together on this leg . She was happy to go . As we walked up the stairs to that house , I got goose bumps all over . When we walked in the door and a couple of old geezers seated in the living room said " Welcome Home , " I cried . I turned to my friend , embarrassed , and was amazed to see that she was crying too ! She found it incredibly moving as well . To think of all that transpired in that house was pretty inspiring ! I am glad the house is preserved , but I do wish we would stop idolizing those two fully human drunks . . . . but I digress . . . By this time , I had decided to go to school part time instead of full time , so I was watching my original classmates get ready to graduate , while I had another year to go . I still think it was a good decision . I still enjoyed school , I wasPosted by In fall of 1997 I started classes at the university I had always dreamed of attending . It was pretty wonderful . It was a revelation to me to find that I was getting " A " s at this school too . And to find that I had a gift for statistics was absolutely incredible to me . I had gotten a couple of promotions at work and was doing a job I really liked . I had been on the Ethics Committee for a couple of years and had learned a lot . I felt that I really belonged at my workplace - which is a feeling I hadn 't had in too many places other than AA . I was still living in North Denver , but that year , on Cinco De Mayo , I decided I really had to move . I lived 2 blocks off the main cruising drag and the days around the 5th of May were a scary nightmare where I had to either stay indoors and not leave the house , or leave the house and stay away . It was terrifying . There was a shooting in the alley behind my house . For as much as I loved the house and the neighborhood , I knew I needed to get away . So I started looking for a house to buy . I applied for a mortgage and wonder of wonders , I got pre - qualified ! There were a couple of old debts that I needed to clear up , so I did . I spent months looking and finally found a townhouse I wanted to buy . It was tiny - 870 square feet , but it was in a pretty area , very close to my workplace and my morning meeting place , and it was painted green ! I made an offer and it was accepted ! The closing was on July 24 , 1998 - my 14th AA birthday . I went to the closing and gratefully signed my name a thousand times . I went to the meeting to celebrate that night and had a whole new realization . Many of my old friends were at the meeting , including my first boyfriend in sobriety - the one who brought wine and beer on our first date , and the young man from East LA who had lived with me . As these people shared in the meeting , they painted a picture of a person that I later realized that the newer people didn 't even recognize . A few of the people in their first 5 years or so talked to me after the meeting and toldMary Christine I am not real clear on how I am going to do this for another 12 days . The longer I have stayed sober , the " less " I have had going on - which is a good thing . I guess as I look back on 1996 - 1997 , there are several things that stand out in my mind . I discovered that one of the down sides of a life of stability was that when you are not the one leaving all the time , other people leave and it is YOU left behind . In January 1997 , my best friend moved away to the UK . She was in love and left . I couldn 't believe a person in her 50s would leave her home , her family , give away almost everything she owned and leave the country - for a man ! Granted , I had done the same things a few years previous , but I thought this gave me special insight into why this was a horrible idea ! I was pretty devastated that she left . It left a big hole in my life . I need to say that she is now married to this man and still lives in the UK . She did however start drinking again and as far as I know she is still drinking today , and it feels sad to me that my first sponsor has been drinking for probably ten years now . A few months later , my other dear friend got a job in San Francisco , and decided to leave town . I was heartbroken . My Saturday afternoon hikes and movies became a thing of the past . A really wonderful thing that happened is that I applied and was accepted into the big time university I had always dreamed of attending . It just seemed like it was too much to believe that I would be attending this fabulous university . They actually let me in ! But why wouldn 't they ? I had a very good GPA for the couple of years I had been attending community colleges . It was amazing what happened when I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing . I didn 't have to fix my life in one moment . I just kept chipping away at it . I remember one night driving to class , I had a huge final exam to take - in my worst class , Anatomy and Physiology . I started praying in the car , sort of begging God to help me take the test , and I rMary Christine This is where I stopped keeping my journal . I just didn 't have much drama going on , or much time to write . I was busy working , being a student , being an AA member , and generally living life on life 's terms . Since I had started my job in September of 1994 , things really started changing for me . I had some real stability . I actually had vacation time ! I actually had a little bit of money to go take vacations . I was hanging around with my old best friend - my first sponsor in AA . I had made a wonderful friend in a man who had gotten sober just a couple of months after I did . We would meet at the meeting on Saturday mornings and then go take day long hikes in the mountains . When we were done with that , we would generally go to a movie . I love movies , but for some reason , I usually go when it is someone else 's idea - but it was great fun to know all the movies . In November 1995 , I rented a house in North Denver . Oh , how I loved that house ! It was over 100 years old . It was 2 blocks from a lovely old church , which I walked to frequently . If you have read about my journey for the last eleven or so days , you might have a pretty good concept of why I was so excited to live in a pretty little house and go to the pretty church two blocks away . I always paid my rent on time . I never caused a problem for my landlady and landlord - who lived just next door . ( When I told them I was moving 3 years later , my landlady actually cried ! ) The police only came to my door once - and that was when my house was burglarized . I was working in Southwestern Denver , living in North Denver , and going to meetings in a northern suburb . I was doing a lot of driving . At that time , I also started having a lot of pain in my neck . I was diagnosed with arthritis in my spine . My physician looked at the x - ray of my neck and told me my neck had been broken in several places - and he wondered what the heck happened ! I couldn 't begin to explain it to him . He told me with a very sad face that I would be in pain for the rest of my life . By that time , I alreadyMary Christine Something changed for me when I turned 10 years old in AA . I don 't know what happened , but everything changed . I used to say in meetings that it was like in the movie " The Wizard of Oz " when Dorothy 's house lands in Oz , she opens the door and the world has gone from black and white to color . My life became 100 % in color . I had gotten really broke , as I expected I would - after taking several months off of work . I was working as a temp at a quilting magazine . It was really fun , but it wasn 't much money . I remember one day looking at the way someone had written their numbers like a bunch of lower case letter " i " s and I missed my life in medical records terribly . I said something about working " in my field , " and thought - wow , I have a " field . " That day , I checked my messages on a break and found I had a message asking me to come in for an interview in a medical records department at a hospital . It was a smaller hospital , and a small department . It was extremely low - tech , and I fell in love with it the minute I hit the door . I prayed I would get that job , and I did . ( There is a wonderful side story about this interview I blogged about when I was a new blogger , you can find it here if you would like to more time reading about ME ! ME ! ME ! ) I wrote this in September of 1994 , " It feels like I 've come around a huge corner . I actually feel happy and I am looking forward to the future . " What a wonderful thing , after the abysmal years of that marriage . My divorce was final in October . I changed my name back to my maiden name . I was so grateful to go to bed alone at night . I was grateful to go places alone . I was grateful to be alone . My daughter by this time was incarcerated , so I was living alone . My son was now in the Army . I had that pretty apartment and it was clean and wholesome and the rent was paid and I had a job . I felt like a real bonafide human being . A real woman who was living a life consistent with my values . I loved my job and I loved my boss . She took a mentor role with me and actually talked me into going to Mary Christine At nine years of sobriety , things were just about to start happening . My dad , who had been in a nursing home for several years , had a stroke . I went to Iowa to sit at his side as he was dying . It seems like I was there for months , it was only a week . He died on August 29 , 1993 . I loved my dad so much , it was so difficult to lose him , even though he was old , in poor health , and had lived years longer than anyone thought he would . I came back home to Denver - to this man who had invaded and was occupying my home . My daughter was just starting to " act out , " and so despite years of court battles and thousands of dollars in a custody battle that I had lost , my ex was suddenly happy to have her come and live with me . And I was happy to have her . Somehow watching the way my husband treated my daughter was finally the thing that made me willing to walk away . One week from the day my dad died , on September 12 , 1993 , I walked away from my home . I had a backpack . It had a change of underwear , my toothbrush , big book , and my journal . And I didn 't care what I lost anymore . I just needed peace for me and my daughter . We went and stayed with an AA friend . I had to find a car and an apartment and suddenly this did not seem like an overwhelming task . My sponsee loaned me her car so that I could go look for a car . I went to many buy here - pay here lots until I found one where they were willing to finance me . . . which made no sense at all . I remained friends with the owner of that lot for a very long time and always made sure he knew that he made it possible , just by financing that old hail - damaged Ford Escort , for me to have a new life . ( I did pay every cent I owed , and on time every month . ) I borrowed against a small inheritance to get the money I needed for a deposit and first month 's rent . I found a wonderful apartment that will always be one of my favorite places in my memory . It had an exposed brick wall all across one side of it , and a screen door , a deck for my plants , and it looked out on a courtyard full of trees . My daughPosted by Do you know that when I talk to people today , I call this last marriage a " brief marriage ? " I have a convenient memory . I have mostly forgotten the details of how awful it was . And I thank God for that , because I do not need to carry this stuff around with me . It is a heavy load . One which , thanks be to God , I have largely gotten rid of long ago . I don 't walk around with the anger that would maybe be understandable - if you wanted to live in understandable misery . On August 5 , 1992 , I left Washington AGAIN . I took the train . I had my journal with me , so I wrote in my journal . There is one memory so crystal clear to me , it is wonderful to read what I wrote in that moment and see that it is exactly the same as my memory . I was on the train , I had salted away money for a month or more so that I had a little stash of my own money . And with that I paid my train fare from Seattle to Denver . I was unable to get a sleeper car on such short notice , so I was just sitting in a seat , all day and all night long . Here 's what I wrote in my journal : " I woke up at about 3 a . m . and felt that wonderful feeling of safeness . There are people all around me and I am safe . My neighbors on the train are four strange men and one strange woman , but I feel safe because there are people around me . I actually slept more than I have for months . " By the last days in Washington , I was sleeping with my purse under the mattress , partially for quick escape , and partially because I didn 't want him to steal from me . I got back home to Denver AGAIN . My friends welcomed me AGAIN . My kids were glad to have me back AGAIN . I was back at my home group and with my sponsor . My group elected me to be treasurer ( that 's a whole other story ) , and I was volunteering at Central Office . I was heartbroken over the marriage AGAIN . I had found a letter to his son he had left where I could find it that said that he should have left me years ago , but he needed me for immigration purposes . . . but I already knew that . It hurt just the same . By October , I was getting back onPosted by It was 1991 , and I had just celebrated seven years of sobriety . I was back to Denver , less than a year after getting married . I guess I could have been humiliated , but I was just so grateful to be back home with my old friends and my family . I got back in touch with my old sponsor , who I loved very much , and I was grateful for that relationship . I got a little apartment just a couple of blocks away from my home group . It was the dumpiest place I have ever lived . But I loved it . It was mine . I could easily afford it on my disability check . It was one of those apartment complexes full of AAs . I knew a lot of my neighbors . I got very close to several of them . We would walk en masse every morning to the 7 : 30 meeting . And hang out afterwards . It was nice . Somehow my husband talked his way back into my life . It might have been because I loved him , who knows why this happened , but it did . Obviously , nothing changed . But I was commuting between northern Washington and Denver . I wouldn 't give up my apartment , thank God , so I always had a place to go . But the emotional upheaval was tremendous . Some time during this year , my sponsor called me and asked me if I was sitting down . I was . She told me she was drinking . I could not believe it ! This woman had been a superstar of AA . . . she knew all the " right " people out in California . I thought I was hooked up with AA royalty with her . . . and here she was , drunk . I was flabbergasted . I sought a new sponsor and my only qualification was that she not be some old prissy Christian hag who was going to shove her religion down my throat . There was a woman I disqualified just because she wore a cross around her neck . So I picked Eva . Eva was from Mexico . She was sober 15 years and went to a meeting every day . She was truly an AA member . She cussed like a sailor and I suspected she was a lesbian . English wasn 't her first language , it was barely her second language , but she did punctuate nearly every sentence with the word " fock . " I thought she would be great . The first time we got together , Posted by I celebrated 6 years of sobriety on July 24 , 1990 . I had a great home group , I had a new sponsor from that group , I had a man I adored who wanted to marry me . My family liked him , my friends liked him . It seemed my bad taste in men was history . We were married on August 6 , 1990 . It was a civil ceremony in a park . We were surrounded by our AA group . It was a nice wedding . I don 't know if I was ever happier . Within the first month , he slapped me across the face , but I thought it was just a strange fluke , certainly not in character for this man . We moved back to the United States . . . and he began the 3 year residency before he became a citizen . . . but I am getting ahead of myself . One month and one day after we were married , his two teenage sons from Australia came to visit . We lived in a beautiful house on a lake . One thing I never thought about as we rented it was that the master bedroom was a loft - open to the living area downstairs . I didn 't know his sons would be living with us . And I certainly could have never imagined two teenage boys would dislike me - hate me even . I had never met a kid previous to this who didn 't just love me . I left my husband for the first time in October . But came back because I realized I had no where to go . It got worse . It got a lot worse . On May 3 , I wrote in my journal that as I was preparing dinner for these people , one of the kids said " 64 % of Americans are overweight , doesn 't that make you feel better ? " I don 't remember this , thank God . I just wrote it in my journal . And just found it now and want to go kick some Aussie ass . The next day I wrote " I won 't write that it can 't get any worse than this , that 's just tempting fate , isn 't it ? " oh dear . I knew . I had been hit in the face with a metal thermos , I had two fingers broken . I can 't even catalog the injuries , it is just ridiculous . And of all the things I lost , the belief that I could never be a battered woman was probably the most painful . I came to understand why they stay . It is impossible to understand until you have experieMary Christine It turns out I am missing my journals for the period of August 20 , 1989 to August 30 , 1990 . That saves me from looking at all the stuff I wrote . This missing period is most of my sixth year of sobriety . I came back to Denver from New York in August 1989 . I didn 't have anything to return to , no home , no car , no kids . . . I had a storage unit . And a home group . I was happy to be back in Colorado . I stayed here and there for a week or so after I returned until I could rent an apartment . I got a small apartment 2 miles away from the club . I bought a bicycle for transportation . I learned how to ride the bus . I got a small job at the club ( and promptly lost it - imagine getting fired from a $ 3 . 65 an hour job at an AA club ! ) I was learning how to be a human being instead of a human doing . I was learning to love myself even when I wasn 't doing anything stellar . I was learning how to let go of things and trust God . Oh , I would have been able to " tell you " about all this stuff in my first couple of years , but this was a very deep experience of surrender which I had never imagined before . I missed my kids horribly , but they were being well cared for by my ex - husband and his new wife . I was actually very grateful that my kids had a good place to go while their mother was not really able to care for them . I was getting disability checks in the mail , and believe me , if there was ever anyone who was disabled , it was me . It was enough to live on in my new humble lifestyle . I was actually able to save enough money to pay cash for a 1979 Audi - the first used car I had ever purchased in my life ! I think I might have loved that car more than any other I have ever owned before or since . On November 1 , 1989 , a man I had met earlier in the year came back to town . He was from Australia , he had been in Denver attending a school . He had decided not to go back home after being in the United States for 6 months or so . He had been in California , and we had stayed in touch . But in November , he clearly wanted to come to Denver to see me . I was a bPosted by

I decided I needed a place to vent and / or to celebrate about writing . I 'm a Wordsmith : stories , novels , poems , religious statements , political commentaries . I Post on writing : how to - venting - updates on my writing , and on anything I 'm excited about . I will also be posting a story or three . And I review on books and / or writers I 'm reading and anything else that might strike my fancy such as concerts I 've been to , adventure dreams I recall etc . . I ended up adding over 1 , 000 words to my original tale . That was after I cut a few sentences and phrases . I added more in descriptions , action and the five human senses to draw people deeper into the various scenes . It 's very hard to do that with just one or two senses , even though there are a couple of authors who can . But for most of us we need the whole batch of human senses . Even with that I believe I would have done more of that if I had rewritten this by scratch . He figured the something was him . He saw one of them glance his way . John glanced down at his clothes . He cursed - silently again . He had forgotten he was wearing a red plaid shirt . That wasn 't good at all , he must be standing out like a Yankee among Johnny Rebs . John spurred his horse and raced down the other side of the hill , and around a huge outcropping of rock . He jumped off his horse , opened a saddle bag , then rummaged around in it . He hurriedly sorted though the three shirts he had in it , finding the one that would be the least noticeable in this terrain . It was dark blue with some green in it . Not the best , but at least the green was the same as some of the leaves this far up the mountain , and it would be harder to see in shade . John quickly pulled off the red shirt , popping two buttons as he did . He stuffed it into the saddle bag under the other shirts , than put on the blue one . He leapt back onto his horse and started off , buttoning his shirt as he did . The new shirt was thicker and may keep him warmer too . It didn 't smell of sweat either . One less thing to alert them to where he was . He looked around , listened for birds , squirrels , horse steps or low voices . Now he would take the fight to them . Old instincts came alive as he circled the hill to get behind them . Even his senses seem to come alive . It always seemed that he could hear and see better . And he would notice a tiny breeze brush his arms hairs . His nose functioned a cut above its normal ability . Forty - five - seconds later he found that he was now behind and to one side of them . He watched them as they rode on . Now there were five and none seemed to be wounded . Maybe the wounded one was hold up somewhere , too hurt to join in looking for him . He could hope anyway . John noticed that all five were about to ride around a second large outcropping of rock near that hill he had been on . This one had a cleft in it and two tiny trees growing from it . Around the rock there were many trees clumped together . He heard their horses snort and their hoofs hitting the mulch covered ground but they didn 't speak . Not even in a whisper . A heavy breeze blew over him . He thought it was away from them . The only odors he caught came from the forest : mulch being stepped on and crushed , bird droppings , pine needles . They probably thought he was still running , and would be easy to spot in that red shirt he had been wearing . Their mistake , he thought . Wished he had some mint leaves to chew on to keep his mouth busy . The last man was behind the others by a few feet . He looked young and probably did not have as much experience as the others seemed to have . He wore new solid blue shirt and denim pants too . John urged his horse onward . He , even though a gelding , was a good horse well trained in being quiet . He planned to come up behind the man from one side . John debated how to take him out . Shooting would make too much noise this close to the others . Looks like it has to be the hard way . John didn 't let him finish , before he grabbed him and pulled . Both men fell off their horses . John made sure he landed on top and was up first and punched the other just as he was standing . It was a hard hit , but the other took the punch and threw one of his own . He was faster then expected and hit John on the chest . It hurt , but John ignored the pain and swung again . They traded blows for a few seconds with John landing more hits then his foe . The younger man must have realized he was losing for he stepped back and started to draw his gun . John could smell the man 's sweat as his fear grew . John almost nodded because he had expected that action . As the gun cleared the holster and started swinging up , John brought down his hand hard . His hand impacted the top of the gun and the man 's thumb . The force of the blow hurt , but not bad enough to interfere . The weapon flew out of the guy 's hand . The man made an automatic reach for the gun , even though it was a useless action . It was a short motion for the man aborted the effort , but John still could take advantage off it . First he jabbed the guy in the stomach hard . The man bent over and as he did John threw an uppercut right into his moving chin . The man 's eyes glazed over and he collapsed . John had almost cried out from the pain of the impact , it hurt a lot more than he recalled . Age or out of practice . That had taken longer then John had planned . He backed up and smacked into the unconscious man 's horse . The horse spooked and took off around the bend . The same curve the others had taken not that long ago . They would be wondering what was taking their companion so long . If they didn 't know something was up , they would now . John ran over and leaped on his horse and rode into the trees . In scant heartbeats the four riders came back around the bend and galloped into the trees after his own horse 's thundering hoofs . For the next few minutes he and the four played a deadly game of hide and seek . They managed to get three shots off . Twice as he slipped , barely in time , out of a small clearing as one or more of the others rode in . One of those thumped into a tree next to him . Birds took off screaming their fear . Bile came up in Tom 's mouth . The third shot missed be a good distance . Finally John decided it was time to end it , in a way he didn 't want to , but had already decided to do . He maneuvered his horse though a thicket then in between two trees very close together . The trees had high brush around them and some very low branches . He had his horse ease into a clump of bushes - the bark on either side scrapped his outer legs even though his pants - and stop . He just sat there while waiting for the others . He saw three ride nearby slowly looking though the brush . All three turned to their right and entered a small clear area . He backed his horse out silently , then followed them in drawing his gun as he did . As they were about to head back into the trees , he said , " Hello , " . He had his pistol ready and fired one round as he finished saying , " Hello " . John moved his arm to his left , firing again . He kept his arm moving , without slowing and fired once more . When they heard his hello , two had started to twist around in their saddles , drawing their pistols as they did . His first two shots hit them before they could finish the movement . The first one had his gun halfway out of his holster when John 's bullet drilled into him . The impact knocked him off his horse . The second had twisted around enough to see John , but the second bullet hit him before he could even think about aiming his revolver . He fell sideways , landing by his horse 's hoofs in a clump . Both men were dead . John 's third shot missed . John reamed and as he did he noticed that the third man was the one he thought of as the leader of this band . Before he could fire again there was a movement behind he more felt then heard . He did something he hadn 't had to do in years , but his body still remembered . He pitched himself off his horse , rolling as he hit the ground . He hit a little hard , but was able to keep rolling . He rolled for a few feet though a small clump of bushes . He finally came up on one knee facing toward the leader , on one side and his horse on the other . There was a fourth rider on a horse behind and to the right of John 's horse . He had a rifle pointing at where John had been a moment ago . The guy looked puzzled like he couldn 't figure out why John was no longer in his sights . John thought about shooting him , but the angle was wrong to get a good shot , so he fired at the leader again . Right after squeezing the trigger , he stood and took off , running in a zig zag pattern . He stopped behind one of the larger trees and quickly reloaded his pistol . It wasn 't empty , but he had been taught , which had been confirmed by experience , that he should take the time to reload any chance he got . It was not a good idea to have a suddenly empty gun in the middle of a fight like this one . When he was done he courteously peered around the tree he was behind . The bark dug into his face but it wouldn 't be deep enough to cause bleeding . He had his gun out ready , but John didn 't see anyone . Gun smoke drifted and spread out from his original position and he could smell it . With a suddenness that always surprised him , two bullets thudded into the other side of the tree . Neither penetrated all the way though the tree , though . Both John and his wife was glad of that . He pulled back and as he did he realized that from the sound of the impacts , each bullet had come from different directions . So they were trying to come at him from opposite directions , like a pincer . Since he hadn 't heard them talking , they were probably using hand signals to communicate . Which supported his idea that they had some experience , probably from the military . He spied another hiding place , crouching low , he ran though some underbrush . He ran for some heartbeats before half jumping behind another wide tree . He kept low and peered around the tree . Nothing , he moved to the other side and peered around it again . There was one of the two making his way though the underbrush , going from tree to tree . John carefully aimed and pulled the trigger . He thought he hit the man , but in case he hadn 't , John dived behind another tree . There was no return fire . Very courteously he made his way to where he had shot the man . No body , not even any blood . That meant he had missed . He froze except for his head . He moved his head around looking for any movement , but saw nothing . They must be waiting for him to move , he thought . He stood there for what seemed like five minutes , or more trying to look in every direction at once . He was in a position he had hated getting into during the war . He finally saw something move . He watched the place for a moment since he could not tell if it had been an animal , or one of the men . On his way through the forest , he had seen , raccoons , squirrels and the like . It could quite easily been one of them that had just moved . In a fast movement , he bent over picked up a large pine cone and threw it where he had seen the movement . It landed and bounced , but there was no further movement . He dived to his right and scrambled on his knees though some bushes . He could feel that the knees of his pants had worn thin with all of this scrambling . He ended up behind a four foot tall , five foot wide rock . Two bullets hit near one side of the rock , throwing up miniature geysers of dirt . Tom 's heart rate jumped and he ran in a crouch again , as close to rocks , trees and taller bushes as he could . He made it among a group of trees small very close together . No movement , then a leave rustled on one side of a tree . He ran from the other side of the tree , crouching as he did . At least two bullets buzzed past him and he dived into a roll . He came up on one knee firing . The leader was standing in front of him and to one side . John had seen him , as he came out of the roll , and had his gun ready . John fired three shots at the man . The bullets hit him in the stomach , chest and face . Blood sprayed out of the holes . As the leader went flying backwards from the force of the impact of the bullets , John heard a grasp from behind him . He fell over to his left . He flipped over to his back and very fast pushed with his feet to get his head under some heavy brush . Pine needles , dirt and tiny pebbles poured through the neck hole in his shirt , but he ignored the discomfort . He laid there and tried not to breath hard , and hoping that he was right in thinking that he would not be seen by a standing man . Suddenly something larger than an arm crashed into the brush to one side . Seconds later another crash happened a couple of feet from his right side . He could see part of what looked like a rather large branch . It looked like the last man must have picked up a heavy branch and was trying to smash John with it . He must have lost it when he saw his leader get shot . Again there was a crash , this time a bit further away , near his feet . John saw two feet smash though the underbrush . Dust was thrown up , some settled into Tom 's mouth . He would have to wait to wash it out . He could stand the taste as long as he didn 't have to start coughing to clear his throat . The feet came his way , so he scooted backwards again . This time though his upper half popped out into a clear place . The man and John saw each other at the same time . The man flung the branch at John then drew his gun . The branch landed heavily right next to John 's face , but he ignored the crashing branch and more raised dust . John raised his gun and shot the man before he could aim his own weapon . The man just stood there for a long moment then his expression changed from rage and anger to shock . He stood another moment or two , half way bent over , said , " You 're not . . . , " then fell forward . John scrambled up and hurried over to check to check the body . He was dead . Next John rushed over to the leader . He was surprised to find that he was still alive . The last bullet had just scraped one cheek , probably because the first two bullets had pushed him backwards . John couldn 't believe his ears . He felt even more rage and bought down both hands , hitting the ground hard . He let out an angry scream . He didn 't feel the small pebbles and dirt particles dig into his hands . " All of this death ! You killed innocent men and you forced me to kill you and it was all over a mistaken identity . " The man looked taken back by the violent reaction , he coughed in pain , then said , " We 've . . . paid for our mistake . The man we were after pretended to join us , became out friend . He . . . ( cough ) he cheated us out of some money and a job we had been hired to do . When we saw you , we thought you were him . . . two of our younger men started shooting at you . They reacted too soon because of lack of experience . Then when you led us to that minor 's camp , " He coughed again , swallowed hard , then continued , " The same two men opened up , when they thought the minors were drawing on us . I saw what was happening and shouted not to fire , but it was too late . I really am sorry about their deaths . " John sat back and thought about the death that he had just seen and participated in . He had thought that he had left all this violence behind , far behind in the war , but it had come back into his life the hard way . Over a stupid mistake even . He shook his head again . A few seconds later the man he was kneeling next to gasped and died . John checked the body to make sure the man was dead then walked over to where the two men were . He double checked them as well . One had died instantly , but the other may have lived a couple of minutes after being shot . Next he found his horse . After he had brought his horse back to where the leader 's body was he went back to the two , than he found the last man he had shot . He dragged all of the bodies together . More dust rose up but now he could drink from his canteen . The warm afternoon weather made the water taste better than usual . A new idea formed . He went though the pockets of the dead men , taking what he thought was valuable . That included their weapons and money . There was not much on the way of jewelry . He bundled what he found together in an old half blanket he had . He then put it in one saddle bag . When he was done he got on his horse and rode to the minor 's camp . As he neared the camp , he rode slowly making sure his horse made plenty of noise this time . When he rounded the curve in the trail , he was met by two guns , a revolver and a rifle . He stopped making sure he kept his hands in plain sight . Ignoring the weapons pointed at him , he explained that he had seen what had happened and after finishing some personal business he came back to see if he could be of assistance . At first the two surviving minors did not want his aid , but he used a quiet voice and was able to convince them that to allow him to help . They finally agreed and he slowly got off his horse , still keeping his hands in plain view . As he helped dig graves for the dead he talked with the survivors finding out that the two had been off hunting when the others were shot . One had heard the shots and had hurried back . He was in time to see someone ride off , but hadn 't get a good look at him . The minor didn 't know if he had been responsible for this or not . John , who thought that it was good that he had changed his shirt , just nodded . John also learned that only one of the dead had a wife and child waiting for him back home . One other , the youngest , had two parents and some brothers as well as sisters who would be sad to learn of his fate . When the dead minors , were buried and a few words said over each grave , they put the dead killer on the back of John 's horse . While digging John had explained the he knew where to dispose of the body . John got on his horse and after a farewell he rode off . As he neared the trees he stopped , and said that he had something he had gotten while taking care of his business . It could go the widow of the one dead man . He fished the half blanket out of his saddle bag , dropped it , then hurriedly rode off . He stopped within the trees though . One of the two walked over to the bundle , unwrapped it , stood up in surprise , then called his buddy over . The other came over and grasped in surprise when he saw the money , guns and two rings . They bent down probably to examine the revolvers . One was a fine one that officers used in the army . After a discussion John thought they may have decided that they would sell the weapons and rings and add what they got to the cash . They would then give it all to the widow of their friend . It would not bring him back and it would not be as much , as if they had struck it rich , but it should help ease some of her burdens . John rode back to where he had left the bodies of the other killers . He dropped the one on the back of his horse . He then went off to take care of some bodily needs , which including eating . It had been hours since he had last taken a bite of food and even though he was still emotionally upset his body insisted he feed it . That was something else he had learned to do during the war . To ignore various bodily needs for long periods of time , but at the same time his body did need fuel eventually . Best to feed it when he could . That had come in handy during this reopening of his war wounds . He had ridden off for a good distance so he could eat without any reminders of what he had just been though . When he was done with everything he made his way back to the bodies . They were gone . He thought he heard some horses riding off in the distance , but still checked the surroundings to make sure no one was around . He found no one , but he did find tracks to indicate that seven horses , all with burdens , had ridden off . He decided not to go after them . He rode slowly back down the hill and at one point when he came out into a clearing next to a short cliff on the side of the mountain . As he scanned the terrain he noticed seven horses that were being led down another area of the mountain , two had riders while the others had something laying across their saddles . One of the two looked to be assisting the other rider . John hoped that the wounded man would make it Ok . He wondered if the two would keep after the man they hated so much , he surprised himself by hoping that they would find and deal with the person who had cheated them . The man most have gotten some false information to this gang and that is what had set up this rotten , damnable fiasco . John Adler shook his head , his mind still on the fact that he had thought he had left all this killing behind . Yet he had slipped back into it as easy as he slipped his pants on every day . True his life had been threaten , but that didn 't explain how he easy it had been . He thought he had left it far behind him , but it was still there . At least though it had come in handy for something good . Keeping himself alive and stopping a band of marauders with revenge on their minds . With that gang that was a good thing . He decided he would have to live with his abilities and the memories of what happened during the war , for the rest of his life . With both just under the surface . He tilted his head , maybe , just maybe , he could after all . After all during this fight his mind had stayed clear of his memories of war . After another pause he gave himself a one quick nod and decided it was time to head home . His wife would be glad to see him , especially when he told her he would be home for a while . He spun his horse around and started back down the trail . I finished correcting the edits of chapter three . That didn 't take half as long as chapter two , which was good . That battle I referenced last time takes up a good bit of three . Sometimes I shake my head at what I have to correct . Some I may not know or wasn 't sure about : as in who and whom . But must and most - I know the difference but still type in the wrong word at times then don 't see when I do a revision . - Footsteps came up fast . I spun and punched the incoming guy in the face . I had augmented my arm so he went flying backwards to land on the sidewalk in a lump . I may have broken something in his cheek . I didn 't care . I ran - limped over and grabbed the knife that fell from his hands . It gleamed on its own , and tingled when I picked it up . After I looked it over , I searched all of the other men . None were in any condition to stop me . I found three more special knives . They were new , with barely enough V - nergy hooked onto them so they could defeat low powered V - nergy constructs . If I had known their limits , I could have beaten them . However during the fight I hadn 't thought about testing them . I was too busy thinking on other things like being kicked , and not getting cut . I looked for the leader . He had taken off running toward the street . I threw another bolo and he fell again . Boy , he was going to have a lot of bruises in the morning . I ran to him , again with a limp even though I did better . In the time it took me to get to him , he had tried to cut off the tangled construct around his feet . I had made sure they were extra strings on that bolo though . I kicked his knife hand . The guy tried to grab for my legs , but puppy was there with a loud growl . He pulled his hand back . Puppy guarded him as I searched him . He tried to cast a spell - yes there is a difference - on me , but this time I was ready . With a wave of my hand the spell went wide and hit something on the sidewalk - maybe the mailbox . I finished the search . I took his wallet and took out a hundred dollar bill . He cursed me again . " One more lesson . I doubt if you will heed it , but if you do there is a city rehabilitation center around here some place , plus a rescue mission . Take your choice . If you choose neither , something worse will happen to you . " May 14 2016Time for War Wound an action packed Western tale filled with suspense , by me . L . E . Doggett . : ) I originally wrote this one three or four years ago . I have revised it since at least once so I was thinking it wouldn 't need that much work . Well , even though it had better writing than the last two stories I posted , it did need a bunch of work . I redid the opening , working for depth , I redid certain scenes adding things to clarify what was happening and so it would make more sense . More of what my hero would do . I also added a couple of animal sightings , more of the five human senses too . Could use a couple more of both though . So in all even though I deleted a few sentences and phrases I added a total of 500 word . And that was just in the first half . Over all I think it is one of my better stories with plot and writing but only you readers can say for sure . I had planned on making this part 2 , 000 and a couple hundred words but it kept growing , now it is 3 , 020 words . Anyway enjoy : War WoundThe rider sat on his horse as he surveyed the flat land around him . Nothing but sage , grass and cows . The warm , dry air didn 't bother John Adler even though he kept his hat on to block the sun . He liked to watch the cattle for he enjoyed the quiet out here away from people . Not much to smell out here either , except horse and cow droppings and the sage . Scents from a fire and dinner of rabbit and bread would come later . As his habit John and his horse rested still as a snake , waiting for its prey to come into striking range . John Adler had developed the skill , while serving in the Great War . It had come in handy while he carried out special missions behind the Southern lines . John brushed one hand over his blue dungarees , and thought on how his pants and red plaid shirt made him stand out . He shook his head , reminding himself for the thousandth time , that he didn 't have to worry about that anymore . He didn 't like to think of the War , but at the same time he was glad he was able to use some of the skills he had developed durPosted by Lucinda 's Story Part Four - conclusion . May 7 This one is the fourth and last part of Lucinda 's Story . A grand Science Fiction adventure and a story of a deaf young woman who is going off planet to a special conference . The ship was attacked and damaged by parties unknown . Now it is drifting toward a sun . Will Lucinda save the ship ? Freak out over too much blood ? Trip and knock herself out ? Totally space out on her instructions ? Actually that last could happen but . . . " Captain White made you one of the command crew just like him . As far as I know , he never rescinded that command . That means it will obey your commands just as if you were the Captain . " " Something happened to him , or he would have done it already . He doesn 't answer calls to the bridge . He 's either dead or unconscious . " Her breath caught hope filled her heart but at the same time unbelief fought for room in her heart . She knew it all showed on her face . She shook her head started to say something , but Hackney spoke up first , " You obviously couldn 't hear it , but they announced over the ship 's intercom that she is alive . She and two others are being treated . Your friend was badly hurt . She will live but not if we don 't get the drive going . " He motioned for her to go over to the open panel . She looked inside . She saw what looked like a tunnel - a very narrow tunnel - barely wide enough for her . The first half was lit with flickering lights , but the second half was pitch black . She could tell that most people would have to bend over part way , to be able to walk through it . Every so often there were flat panels on both sides , along with cables and mysterious objects , hanging here and there . She could see debris laying on the floor . Somewhere in the darker section she could see a cable hanging down sparking ever few seconds . The crewman tapped her on the shoulder . Once she looked at him , Neal explained that because of the way the ship was designed this was the access way to get to the computer core , and to certain circuits . At the other end there was another smaller , round hatch leading from the bridge , which she could use to get onto the bridge . She flinched at the thought of going in there , looking back at General Hackney 's face she said , " I 've never done anything like this . " " I know , but I know people . You know my background , I can pick people who are right for the job . I know you can do it . You have to do it but as I said you can do it - I know it . " For a moment tears came to her eyes . Her mind was a mixture of thoughts - she could because he said so . He picked the heroes of that battle . But he didn 't know her , her heart beat faster . Even more sweat popped out on her forehead , down her back . After a couple of moments . She had failed at other things but after what seemed like an hour she nodded . Lucinda watched in dismay as Hackney dropped his head and sagged for a moment in relief . Looking back up at her face he said , " Thank you - you will have to be careful , and we don 't know what you will find . The area of the hull where the bridge is took a couple of hard hits , at the end of the attack . The Captain could be dead , if he was at a console that exploded , he could be badly burned , or - there could be blood splattered around . " She knew she looked sick , she wanted to refuse again , but if Chelsea was alive she depended on Lucinda to do this , her own parents depended on her to get their daughter home . She had to , so she would . She felt her mouth move to a straight line . She would do this . Hackney took Lucinda over to the crew member . He repeated the instructions twice more . Than the general took hold of her face again to make sure she could see his lips , " I know you can do it . Remember I know people . We , Chelsea , need you to do it . " Neal said , " Once on the bridge all you have to do is go to the video pickup and sign what it should do . We believe that pickup was still operational even though the one in engineering was shorted out . " After another warning to be careful of loose wires , cables and to avoid that dangling cable , she was ready to go in . Neal told her to stay low while going through the access tunnel . Still looking unsure she nodded . She felt like crying , but climbed into the tunnel . Her foot scrapped the edge of the hatchway but she barely noticed it . Once in she stood a quarter of the way bent over . She smelled electrical arcs , burnt plastic . Coughed from smoke she didn 't see . Before she took her first step though Lucinda turned around and tried to say , " I can 't do this , I can 't remember all I 'm supposed to say , " but Hackney interrupted her saying , " Yes , you can , I know it . Remember , Chelsea would say the same thing , that you can do it . " She knew she looked at him with pain showing followed by resignation . Lucinda turned back around and begun to walk through the tunnel . Just four feet into the tube something fell from the ceiling sparking and almost hitting her . Lucinda let out a short scream , but kept going as a shower of sparks fell behind her . Later Hackney explained how he and the crew member tried to follow her progress and shielded their eyes from the sparks . She soon disappeared into the dark section . In the tunnel Lucinda made her way through the dark section . A sudden pain shot through her head as something fell on it . It hit hard enough to push her to her knees . She made a sound she couldn 't hear : the floor felt hard on her knees . She couldn 't see what fell , but it felt like a panel . She turned half around looked back the way she had come , but than turned back continued . If something larger fell on her she could be in trouble . Thinking that everyone , which included her parents , depended on her , she kept going . The smoke became thick enough for her to taste it , her eyes teared . But memories came up in her mind . When she first met Chelsea when they were four years old . Later when Chelsea showed her that were something called sounds . Her parents had tried to explain but Chelsea did it a way that made her understand . Then Chelsea had learned sign language so she could communicate with her new friend . No matter how much Lucinda 's body hurt or how hard her heart beat form fear she would do what was needed , even if she threw up all that bile that kept coming up she would do it . As General Hackney later explained , the two men heard a short " EEeee " sound Hackney said , " I hope she 's ok . " There was a pause then General Hackney said , " There is no way to check on her , so we wait . " They waited and waited . After what seemed to be more then enough time both beginning to wonder if something had happen to her or if Captain White had rescinded the command after all . Suddenly the computer 's voice blared from the intercom . Once done with what she could , the computer said it has sent the message but there was no way for her to know for sure , she knelt next to the Captain again , place a hand in front of his mouth . She couldn 't be sure if the air on her skin came from him or the ship 's air circulation . Her knees ached , from bruises and maybe a cut . The top of her head still felt there could be another one there . Her clothes were sweat soaked . A moment later though she jumped and spun around when something touched shoulder . Her heart calmed when she saw Hackney behind her , so he had tapped her shoulder . Her muscles relaxed . Lucinda stepped back so they could check on the Captain . Hackney made a motion with his hands and said while looking at her face , " You did it . " He then placed his fingers on the Captain 's throat and a wrist . He turned to say that the Captain was alive . Hackney explained that they had used the intercom to speak to Joash in engineering . They had asked him to turn off the power to this section of the ship , now that he could . A few seconds later the shower of sparks stopped , two - seconds later the cable stopped flipping around and sparking at the other end of the tube stopped moving . They both had climbed up into the tube . Once in they both rushed through the tunnel . Once at the other end they carefully exited it onto the bridge . They found it a mess . It looked like that not only had Lucinda stopped to check the Captain , but she had had to move some debris out of her way . She nodded at him and after what seemed like a very long time she saw the crew member say , " They have started the engines . " Lucinda did just that . With Hackney 's help she climbed back into the access tunnel , and hurriedly crawled through it . Once out she ran to the med center . Halfway there she almost ran into Tommy who was hurrying the other way to see to his captain . Once at the med center Lucinda almost ran into the doors when they were a little slow in sliding apart . She quickly glanced around , recognizing one form on a bed , rushed over to it . Chelsea was asleep though . She noticed Ferdinand in a bed next to her friend . He was awake . Ten minutes later they brought in the Captain . After a quick check , with the help of the med computer , Tommy was sure he would survive but it had been close . If they had had to burn through the door to the bridge he would have died before they could get to him . As Hackney had predicted the drives , even at half power , were able to move the ship out of the gravitational pull of the sun and into a trade route . Two days later Lucinda was in the Med center talking to Chelsea . She had been there almost every waking moment . Today her friend woke up enough to be able to sign . True , but you still did it . That was good thinking with telling the computer to do what the engineer said and than to have the computer repeat what you told it in sign language . I 'm proud of you , you did good . Your parents will be proud when they hear of this . You should be proud of yourself . Chelsea moved her hands as she said to Lucinda , Looks like Hackney was right we would be picked up once we were in trade route . I just got a full check up by this ship 's doctor and he says I am recovering just fine . The Captain is doing good too . He will be able to recover faster with the better med center they have on this ship . Chelsea continued with , Looks like Hackney may have been right about our attackers coming back too . I heard some of the crew talking while I was resting in the med center . Once the ship 's engines were fixed the power came back up . Chelsea continued , Not only were the lights , gravity and stove powered , but the weapons also . Twice a ship came by and buzzed us . I don 't know if it was the same ship both times , or if either was the one that attacked us , but Neal told Ferdinand that they ' painted ' us with sensors . Our ship 's weapons were ' hot ' and they could tell we had plenty of power , so they went on without attacking us . They didn 't help us even with the distress signal going , but they didn 't hurt us either . The second time they came around Hackney thought they were going to attack , I 'm not sure why he thought that , but he was sitting at the weapons controls ready to use his experience to defend us . Billy and Ferdinand thought that it was his expert handling of the weapons when he followed them as they buzzed by , that gave them second thoughts . Whatever the reason they kept on going . So now we are safe and the ship can be repaired . You really are a hero Lucinda . * Joe sez : * This blog originally appeared in 2010 . It 's extremely prescient about the future of ebooks , but that isn 't the reason I 'm reposting it . I Love Being Behind … In indie publishing , what I hear over and over from indie writers everywhere is that they are behind . Always behind . A simple reason f . . . Well , it finally happened . Or rather , I made it happen . A new blog by yours truly has come into existence . All the posts from this blog have been moved the . . . My writing name is L . E . Doggett . I am a writer who lives with my wife of 31 years and 20 year old autistic daughter . We live in the Central San Joaquin Valley of California , where its HOT during the summer , not so bad during the winter , except for the FOG . We attend a nice conservative , hopeful church and both work . I am a blue collar worker , with a collage education . I have written stories since I was a wee lad , but only seriously for the last four years . I have sold one story which was published in the Star Trek anthology Strange New Worlds 10 .

Once upon a time there was a king in Persia who had a beautiful wife and a handsome son called Gavin . Life was very happy until one day when he went hunting , the king fell from his horse and was killed . The dead ruler 's brother was named the new king . His name was May . He fell in love with the widowed queen and married her , and they soon had a son named Talend . Some time later , the new king died and only the queen and her two sons remained . They were brothers , of course , but with different fathers . The question was soon raised : " Which brother will become king of Persia ? " The queen said nothing at all . However , sooner or later , she would have to come to a decision , and she didn 't want to disappoint either boy . As long as the two boys were small , it didn 't matter . But when they grew up and began to ask when one or the other was going to be crowned king , the problems began . Years went by . Gavin and Talend grew up to be young men , and became rivals . As children they were always together ; as youths , they saw little of each other . Each had his own group of friends . In that way , two opposing sides were formed : one supported Talend , the other supported Gavin . As the years passed , the kingdom drifted toward civil war . The two princes did not see eye to eye . Neither one wanted to give up the throne ; neither one wanted to step down . Some of the provinces sided with Talend , others with Gavin . Certain battalions in the army swore allegiance to Talend , others to Gavin . The two young men met , but only to stare at each other coldly and to promise war instead of peace , and war was fast approaching . Two opposing armies were built . Gavin 's army began to march against Talend 's . All Persia held its breath , awaiting the conflict that was to decide its fate . The battle was fought with equal forces . Both armies had the same number of foot soldiers , standard - bearers , and elephants . Elephants were very important in Persia because they carried on their backs wicker turrets from which archers fired arrows at the enemy . Neither of the brothers wanted the other to die . In spite of everything , the brothers felt the pull of their family ties . Indeed , each had given an order that if the soldiers found they were about to kill the enemy leader , they were to stop and warn him by shouting , " Watch out , King ! " The conflict lasted for a long time , until Gavin 's troops were overcome and Talend found himself with only a few soldiers to defend him . Then , a little later , quite alone , Talend found himself surrounded on all sides by Gavin 's turreted elephants , slowly advancing on him . No arrows were fired on the prince ; he turned this way and that , searching for a way to escape . But his heart failed at that moment , and he fell to the ground dead . High in the palace tower , the queen had watched the battle with deep sadness in her heart , knowing that she was at that moment losing one of her sons . When she saw that the dust had settled on the distant plain and the cries of battle had faded , the queen came down from the tower and rushed through the palace to meet those returning from the field . She stopped in her tracks . Her son Gavin , his clothes in tatters and splashed with blood , staggered sadly toward her . " Talend ? " stammered the queen . He then thought of a way to show his mother how the battle had been fought . First of all , he asked a carpenter to make him a board , as flat as the plain . Then to mark the positions and maneuvers of the two armies , the board was divided into white and black squares . A wood carver made him a miniature army of foot soldiers , a king , standard - bearers , knights , and towers , to take the place of the elephants and their turrets . When everything was ready , Gavin called the queen and , moving one piece at a time , acted out the various stages of battle . " You see , Mother , my foot soldiers advanced like this , so Talend maneuvered his like that . Each time my brother was about to be killed , I had the men cry out , ' Watch out , King ! ' so that he could reach safety , " said Gavin . Gavin sadly replied , " That 's true . He was surrounded . But I would never have had him killed , Mother . It was his heart that gave out . My brother realized he had lost , and so he died . " The queen then said , " I understand , Son , and I forgive you . I believe you 'll be a good king for our country . But I wonder why , in a battle between two kings , one must win and the other lose . " The poor queen kept asking herself the same question for a very long time . She would sit all day long beside the little battlefield moving the pieces - foot soldiers , standard - bearers , and towers - always trying to save the king . In the end , she understood that , in make - believe as in real life , when there is a fight to the last , one of the opponents must fall , just as her son Talend had fallen . This is one of the stories about the origin of chess . Today , it is a peaceful contest that recalls a real - life battle . In the modern world it is a fun game , but then it caused a poor mother who saw her sons fight against each other , sadness and suffering . While visiting Emperor Akbar 's residence at Fatherpur Sikri , we saw a giant courtyard with chess board marked out . The king and queen sat on pedestal in the middle and they played the game with slave girls dressed in various colors , instead of pawns . There is a town in England called Gotham . One day , news was brought to Gotham that the king was coming that way , and that he would pass through the town . This did not please the men of Gotham at all . They hated the king , for they knew that he was a cruel , bad man . If he came to their town , they would have to find food and lodging for him and his men ; and if he saw anything that pleased him , he would be sure to take it for his own . At that time in England , any road the king traveled on had to be made a public highway and the people of Gotham did not want a public highway through their village . What should they do ? So they went out with their axes , and soon all the roads and paths to the town were filled with logs and brush . The king 's horsemen would have a hard time of it getting into Gotham . They would either have to make a new road , or give up the plan altogether , and go on to some other place . Then one , whose name was Dobbin , and who was thought to be the wisest of them all , said , " Let me tell you something . Many a man has been punished because he was wise , but I have never heard of any one being harmed because he was a fool . So , when the king 's sheriff comes , let us all act like fools . " It was no easy thing for the king 's men to open the roads ; and while they were doing it , the king grew tired of waiting , and went back to London . But very early one morning , the sheriff with a party of fierce soldiers rode through the woods , and between the fields , toward Gotham . Just before they reached the town , they saw a queer sight . The old men were rolling big stones up the hill , and all the young men were looking on , and grunting very loudly . " Ah , would it , though ? " said the man . " Now , I never thought of that . You are the wisest man that I ever saw . " Among the Spaniards who flocked to America in the hope of finding gold , there was a certain officer whose name was Juan Ponce de Leon . He had distinguished himself in the Spanish army and was very rich . He also had much influence with the king - so much , in fact , that he was soon appointed governor of all the eastern part of Haiti . Ponce de Leon was so much pleased by the reports which were brought to him of the great wealth of Porto Rico that he at once made up his mind to get that wealth for himself . The king of Spain was very willing to please him and to have a share of the profits , and therefore appointed him governor of Porto Rico . Ponce was not a man to waste time in any undertaking . With eight stanch ships and several hundred men , he at once set sail for his new province and in due time landed upon the island . The natives were kind and gentle . They welcomed the white men to their pleasant country and tried to help them in such ways as they could . Ponce de Leon repaid them as the Spaniards at that time usually repaid a kindness , - he robbed them of all they had and made slaves of as many as he could . Then at length the harassed savages turned against their oppressors and tried to drive them from the island ; but what could they do against enemies so cunning and strong ? Ponce was as heartless and unfeeling as any wild beast . Soon the once happy island was filled with distress and terror . The Indians were hunted from their homes . Thousands of them were killed , and the rest became the slaves of their conquerors . Ponce began to form a settlement at a place now called Pueblo Viejo ; but he soon changed his plans and removed to a fine harbor on the north shore of the island . There he laid out the city of San Juan . He built for himself , near the mouth of the harbor , a grand house which he called Casa Blanca , or the White Castle ; and there he made his home for some time . But , with all his wealth , Ponce was not happy . He had lived so carelessly and wildly that his youth went from him early . At fifty years of age he was a miserable old man . There was no more joy in the world for him . " There is a fountain there , a spring of clear water , the most wonderful in the world . Every one that bathes in it becomes as young and strong as he was in his best days . No one grows old in Bimini . " " Ah , no . It is too far away for any of our people to make the voyage . But we have heard talk of the fountain all our lives . " Ponce asked other Indians about Bimini and its magic fountain . All had heard of it . It . was a land fragrant with flowers . It lay far to the northwest - too far for frail canoes to venture . But the great ships of the white men could easily make the voyage in a few days . Ponce made up his mind to discover the fountain . He first got the king 's permission to conquer Bimini , wherever it might be . Then with three ships and a number of followers he sailed toward the northwest . He passed through the great group of islands known as the Bahamas ; and , wherever there were natives living , he stopped and made inquiries . They pointed to the northwest . It was always a little farther and a little farther . No one had ever seen the fountain , but Ponce understood that every one had heard of it . Nobody could tell . The coast stretched so far northward and southward that Ponce felt sure it was no island but the mainland of a continent . The day was Easter Sunday , which in Spain is called Pascua de Flores , or the Feast of Flowers . For this reason , and also because of the abundance of flowers , the Spaniards named the land Florida . Ponce de Leon went on shore at many places and sought for the wonderful fountain . He drank from every clear spring . He bathed in many a limpid stream . But his lost youth did not come back to him . Nine years passed , and then he sailed again for Florida . This time he took a number of men with him in order to conquer the country and seize upon whatever treasures he might find there . More than this , he expected to explore its woods and rivers and seek again for the mysterious fountain of youth . The Florida Indians did not have any treasures ; but they were brave and loved their homes . They would not be conquered and enslaved without a struggle . They therefore fell upon the Spaniards when they landed , and drove them back to their ships . On his return , he went to visit one of the little towns in the island of Zealand . The whole town knew who the stranger was ; and one of the richest men in the place gave a party in his honor , and all who were of any consequence , or who possessed some property , were invited . It was quite an event , and all the town knew of it , so that it was not necessary to announce it by beat of drum . Apprentice - boys , children of the poor , and even the poor people themselves , stood before the house , watching the lighted windows ; and the watchman might easily fancy he was giving a party also , there were so many people in the streets . There was quite an air of festivity about it , and the house was full of it ; for Mr . Alfred , the sculptor , was there . He talked and told anecdotes , and every one listened to him with pleasure , not unmingled with awe ; but none felt so much respect for him as did the elderly widow of a naval officer . She seemed , so far as Mr . Alfred was concerned , to be like a piece of fresh blotting - paper that absorbed all he said and asked for more . She was very appreciative , and incredibly ignorant - a kind of female Gaspar Hauser . " I should like to see Rome , " she said ; " it must be a lovely city , or so many foreigners would not be constantly arriving there . Now , do give me a description of Rome . How does the city look when you enter in at the gate ? " " An organist ! " exclaimed the lady , who had never heard the word ' obelisk . ' Several of the guests could scarcely forbear laughing , and the sculptor would have had some difficulty in keeping his countenance , but the smile on his lips faded away ; for he caught sight of a pair of dark - blue eyes close by the side of the inquisitive lady . They belonged to her daughter ; and surely no one who had such a daughter could be silly . The mother was like a fountain of questions ; and the daughter , who listened but never spoke , might have passed for the beautiful maid of the fountain . How charming she was ! She was a study for the sculptor to contemplate , but not to converse with ; for she did not speak , or , at least , very seldom . " I may perhaps win a hundred thousand dollars in the lottery , " said the naval officer 's widow ; " and if I do , we will travel - I and my daughter ; and you , Mr . Alfred , must be our guide . We can all three travel together , with one or two more of our good friends . " And she nodded in such a friendly way at the company , that each imagined himself to be the favored person who was to accompany them to Italy . " Yes , we must go , " she continued ; " but not to those parts where there are robbers . We will keep to Rome . In the public roads one is always safe . " The daughter sighed very gently ; and how much there may be in a sigh , or attributed to it ! The young man attributed a great deal of meaning to this sigh . Those deep - blue eyes , which had been lit up this evening in honor of him , must conceal treasures , treasures of heart and mind , richer than all the glories of Rome ; and so when he left the party that night , he had lost it completely to the young lady . The house of the naval officer 's widow was the one most constantly visited by Mr . Alfred , the sculptor . It was soon understood that his visits were not intended for that lady , though they were the persons who kept up the conversation . He came for the sake of the daughter . They called her Kæla . Her name was really Karen Malena , and these two names had been contracted into the one name Kæla . She was really beautiful ; but some said she was rather dull , and slept late of a morning . " She has been accustomed to that , " her mother said . " She is a beauty , and they are always easily tired . She does sleep rather late ; but that makes her eyes so clear . " What power seemed to lie in the depths of those dark eyes ! The young man felt the truth of the proverb , " Still waters run deep : " and his heart had sunk into their depths . He often talked of his adventures , and the mamma was as simple and eager in her questions as on the first evening they met . It was a pleasure to hear Alfred describe anything . He showed them colored plates of Naples , and spoke of excursions to Mount Vesuvius , and the eruptions of fire from it . The naval officer 's widow had never heard of them before . Alfred and Kæla were betrothed , which was a very natural result ; and the betrothal was announced in the newspaper of the little town . Mama purchased thirty copies of the paper , that she might cut out the paragraph and send it to friends and acquaintances . The betrothed pair were very happy , and the mother was happy too . She said it seemed like connecting herself with Thorwalsden . " You are a true successor of Thorwalsden , " she said to Alfred ; and it seemed to him as if , in this instance , mamma had said a clever thing . Kæla was silent ; but her eyes shone , her lips smiled , every movement was graceful , - in fact , she was beautiful ; that cannot be repeated too often . Alfred decided to take a bust of Kæla as well as of her mother . They sat to him accordingly , and saw how he moulded and formed the soft clay with his fingers . Then he unfolded to them both the beauties of Nature , in all her works ; he pointed out to them how , in the scale of creation , inanimate matter was inferior to animate nature ; the plant above the mineral , the animal above the plant , and man above them all . He strove to show them how the beauty of the mind could be displayed in the outward form , and that it was the sculptor 's task to seize upon that beauty of expression , and produce it in his works . Kæla stood silent , but nodded in approbation of what he said , while mamma - in - law made the following confession : - Kæla 's beauty had a firm hold on Alfred ; it filled his soul , and held a mastery over him . Beauty beamed from Kæla 's every feature , glittered in her eyes , lurked in the corners of her mouth , and pervaded every movement of her agile fingers . Alfred , the sculptor , saw this . He spoke only to her , thought only of her , and the two became one ; and so it may be said she spoke much , for he was always talking to her ; and he and she were one . Such was the betrothal , and then came the wedding , with bride 's - maids and wedding presents , all duly mentioned in the wedding speech . Mamma - in - law had set up Thorwalsden 's bust at the end of the table , attired in a dressing - gown ; it was her fancy that he should be a guest . Songs were sung , and cheers given ; for it was a gay wedding , and they were a handsome pair . " Pygmalion loved his Galatea , " said one of the songs . Next day the youthful pair started for Copenhagen , where they were to live ; mamma - in - law accompanied them , to attend to the " coarse work , " as she always called the domestic arrangements . Kæla looked like a doll in a doll 's house , for everything was bright and new , and so fine . There they sat , all three ; and as for Alfred , a proverb may describe his position - he looked like a swan amongst the geese . The magic of form had enchanted him ; he had looked at the casket without caring to inquire what it contained , and that omission often brings the greatest unhappiness into married life . The casket may be injured , the gilding may fall off , and then the purchaser regrets his bargain . The young married pair often sat together hand in hand ; he would talk , but she could only now and then let fall a word in the same melodious voice , the same bell - like tones . It was a mental relief when Sophy , one of her friends , came to pay them a visit . Sophy was not , pretty . She was , however , quite free from any physical deformity , although Kæla used to say she was a little crooked ; but no eye , save an intimate acquaintance , would have noticed it . She was a very sensible girl , yet it never occurred to her that she might be a dangerous person in such a house . Her appearance created a new atmosphere in the doll 's house , and air was really required , they all owned that . They felt the want of a change of air , and consequently the young couple and their mother travelled to Italy . " There is no real pleasure in travelling , " said mamma ; " to tell the truth , it 's very wearisome ; I beg pardon for saying so . I was soon very tired of it , although I had my children with me ; and , besides , it 's very expensive work travelling , very expensive . And all those galleries one is expected to see , and the quantity of things you are obliged to run after ! It must be done , for very shame ; you are sure to be asked when you come back if you have seen everything , and will most likely be told that you 've omitted to see what was best worth seeing of all . I got tired at last of those endless Madonnas ; I began to think I was turning into a Madonna myself . " The journey had also tired Kæla ; but she was always fatigued , that was the worst of it . So they sent for Sophy , and she was taken into the house to reside with them , and her presence there was a great advantage . Mamma - in - law acknowledged that Sophy was not only a clever housewife , but well - informed and accomplished , though that could hardly be expected in a person of her limited means . She was also a generous - hearted , faithful girl ; she showed that thoroughly while Kæla lay sick , fading away . When the casket is everything , the casket should be strong , or else all is over . And all was over with the casket , for Kæla died . Alfred wept , and mamma wept , and they both wore mourning . The black dress suited mamma very well , and she wore mourning the longest . She had also to experience another grief in seeing Alfred marry again , marry Sophy , who was nothing at all to look at . " He 's gone to the very extreme , " said mamma - in - law ; " he has gone from the most beautiful to the ugliest , and he has forgotten his first wife . Men have no constancy . My husband was a very different man , - but then he died before me . " " ' Pygmalion loved his Galatea , ' was in the song they sung at my first wedding , " said Alfred ; " I once fell in love with a beautiful statue , which awoke to life in my arms ; but the kindred soul , which is a gift from heaven , the angel who can feel and sympathize with and elevate us , I have not found and won till now . You came , Sophy , not in the glory of outward beauty , though you are even fairer than is necessary . The chief thing still remains . You came to teach the sculptor that his work is but dust and clay only , an outward form made of a material that decays , and that what we should seek to obtain is the ethereal essence of mind and spirit . Poor Kæla ! our life was but as a meeting by the way - side ; in yonder world , where we shall know each other from a union of mind , we shall be but mere acquaintances . " " Yet she is not so beautiful as our mother , " said the elder boy . " She has a fine dress , it is true ; but her face is not noble and kind . It is our mother who is like a queen . " Soon Cornelia , their mother , came down the walk to speak with them . She was simply dressed in a plain white robe . Her arms and feet were bare , as was the custom in those days ; and no rings nor chains glittered about her hands and neck . For her only crown , long braids of soft brown hair were coiled about her head ; and a tender smile lit up her noble face as she looked into her sons ' proud eyes . The brothers looked shyly at their mother 's friend . Was it possible that she had still other rings besides those on her fingers ? Could she have other gems besides those which sparkled in the chains about her neck ? When the simple outdoor meal was over , a servant brought the casket from the house . The lady opened it . Ah , how those jewels dazzled the eyes of the wondering boys ! There were ropes of pearls , white as milk , and smooth as satin ; heaps of shining rubies , red as the glowing coals ; sapphires as blue as the sky that summer day ; and diamonds that flashed and sparkled like the sunlight . There are three hundred and fifty - five stories about Suleiman - bin - Daoud ; but this is not one of them . It is not the story of the Lapwing who found the Water ; or the Hoopoe who shaded Suleimanbin - Daoud from the heat . It is not the story of the Glass Pavement , or the Ruby with the Crooked Hole , or the Gold Bars of Balkis . It is the story of the Butterfly that Stamped . Suleiman - bin - Daoud was wise . He understood what the beasts said , what the birds said , what the fishes said , and what the insects said . He understood what the rocks said deep under the earth when they bowed in towards each other and groaned ; and he understood what the trees said when they rustled in the middle of the morning . He understood everything , from the bishop on the bench to the hyssop on the wall , and Balkis , his Head Queen , the Most Beautiful Queen Balkis , was nearly as wise as he was . Suleiman - bin - Daoud was strong . Upon the third finger of the right hand he wore a ring . When he turned it once , Afrits and Djinns came Out of the earth to do whatever he told them . When he turned it twice , Fairies came down from the sky to do whatever he told them ; and when he turned it three times , the very great angel Azrael of the Sword came dressed as a water - carrier , and told him the news of the three worlds , - - Above - - Below - - and Here . And yet Suleiman - bin - Daoud was not proud . He very seldom showed off , and when he did he was sorry for it . Once he tried to feed all the animals in all the world in one day , but when the food was ready an animal came out of the deep sea and ate it up in three mouthfuls . Suleiman - bin - Daoud was very surprised and said , ' O Animal , who are you ? ' And the animal said , ' O King , live for ever ! I am the smallest of thirty thousand brothers , and our home is at the bottom of the sea . We heard that you were going to feed all the animals in all the world , and my brothers sent me to ask when dinner would be ready . ' Suleiman - bin - Daoud was more surprised than ever and said , ' O Animal , you have eaten all the dinner that I made ready for all the animals in the world . ' And the Animal said , ' O King , live for ever , but do you really call that a dinner ? Where I come from we each eat twice as much as that between meals . ' Then Suleiman - bin - Daoud fell flat on his face and said , ' O Animal ! I gave that dinner to show what a great and rich king I was , and not because I really wanted to be kind to the animals . Now I am ashamed , and it serves me right . Suleiman - bin - Daoud was a really truly wise man , Best Beloved . After that he never forgot that it was silly to show off ; and now the real story part of my story begins . He married ever so many wifes . He married nine hundred and ninety - nine wives , besides the Most Beautiful Balkis ; and they all lived in a great golden palace in the middle of a lovely garden with fountains . He didn 't really want nine - hundred and ninety - nine wives , but in those days everybody married ever so many wives , and of course the King had to marry ever so many more just to show that he was the King . Some of the wives were nice , but some were simply horrid , and the horrid ones quarrelled with the nice ones and made them horrid too , and then they would all quarrel with Suleiman - bin - Daoud , and that was horrid for him . But Balkis the Most Beautiful never quarrelled with Suleiman - bin - Daoud . She loved him too much . She sat in her rooms in the Golden Palace , or walked in the Palace garden , and was truly sorry for him . One day , when they had quarrelled for three weeks - all nine hundred and ninety - nine wives together - Suleiman - bin - Daoud went out for peace and quiet as usual ; and among the orange trees he met Balkis the Most Beautiful , very sorrowful because Suleiman - bin - Daoud was so worried . And she said to him , ' O my Lord and Light of my Eyes , turn the ring upon your finger and show these Queens of Egypt and Mesopotamia and Persia and China that you are the great and terrible King . ' But Suleiman - bin - Daoud shook his head and said , ' O my Lady and Delight of my Life , remember the Animal that came out of the sea and made me ashamed before all the animals in all the world because I showed off . Now , if I showed off before these Queens of Persia and Egypt and Abyssinia and China , merely because they worry me , I might be made even more ashamed than I have been . ' The Butterfly was dreadfully frightened , but he managed to fly up to the hand of Suleiman - bin - Daoud , and clung there , fanning himself . Suleiman - bin - Daoud bent his head and whispered very softly , ' Little man , you know that all your stamping wouldn 't bend one blade of grass . What made you tell that awful fib to your wife ? - - for doubtless she is your wife . ' Balkis the Most Beautiful stood up behind the tree among the red lilies and smiled to herself , for she had heard all this talk . She thought , ' If I am wise I can yet save my Lord from the persecutions of these quarrelsome Queens , ' and she held out her finger and whispered softly to the Butterfly 's Wife , ' Little woman , come here . ' Up flew the Butterfly 's Wife , very frightened , and clung to Balkis 's soft hand . ' They get angry , ' said the Butterfly 's Wife , fanning herself quickly , ' over nothing at all , but we must humour them , O Queen . They never mean half they say . If it pleases my husband to believe that I believe he can make Suleiman - bin - Daoud 's Palace disappear by stamping his foot , I 'm sure I don 't care . He 'll forget all about it tomorrow . ' ' Little sister , ' said Balkis , ' you are quite right ; but next time he begins to boast , take him at his word . Ask him to stamp , and see what will happen . We know what men - folk are like , don 't we ? He 'll be very much ashamed . ' ' I don 't believe you one little bit , ' said the Butterfly 's Wife . ' I should very much like to see it done . Suppose you stamp now . ' ' It wouldn 't matter if you did , ' said his wife . ' You couldn 't bend a blade of grass with your stamping . I dare you to do it , ' she said . Stamp ! Stamp ! Stamp ! ' Suleiman - bin - Daoud , sitting under the camphor - tree , heard every word of this , and he laughed as he had never laughed in his life before . He forgot all about his Queens ; he forgot all about the animal that came out of the sea ; he forgot about showing off . He just laughed with joy , and Balkis , on the other side of the tree , smiled because her own true love was so joyful . Presently the butterfly , very hot and puffy , came whirling back under the shadow of the camphor - tree and said to Suleiman , ' She wants me to stamp ! She wants to see what will happen , O Suleiman - bin - Daoud ! You know I can 't do it , and now she 'll never believe a word I say . She 'll laugh at me to the end of my days ! ' Away flew the Butterfly to his wife , who was crying , ' I dare you to do it ! I dare you to do it ! Stamp ! Stamp now ! Stamp ! ' Balkis saw the four vast Djinns stoop down to the four corners of the gardens with the Palace in the middle , and she clapped her hands softly and said , ' At last Suleiman - bin - Daoud will do for the sake of a Butterfly what he ought to have done long ago for his own sake , and the quarrelsome Queens will be frightened ! ' The the butterfly stamped . The Djinns jerked the Palace and the gardens a thousand miles into the air : there was a most awful thunder - clap , and everything grew inky - black . The Butterfly 's Wife fluttered about in the dark , crying , ' Oh , I 'll be good ! I 'm so sorry I spoke . Only bring the gardens back , my dear darling husband , and I 'll never contradict again . ' So he stamped once more , and that instant the Djinns let down the Palace and the gardens , without even a bump . The sun shone on the dark - green orange leaves ; the fountains played among the pink Egyptian lilies ; the birds went on singing , and the Butterfly 's Wife lay on her side under the camphor - tree waggling her wings and panting , ' Oh , I 'll be good ! I 'll be good ! ' They stood on the marble steps one hundred abreast and shouted , ' What is our trouble ? We were living peacefully in our golden palace , as is our custom , when upon a sudden the Palace disappeared , and we were left sitting in a thick and noisome darkness ; and it thundered , and Djinns and Afrits moved about in the darkness ! That is our trouble , O Head Queen , and we are most extremely troubled on account of that trouble , for it was a troublesome trouble , unlike any trouble we have known . ' Then up and spoke an Egyptian Queen - the daughter of a Pharoah and she said , ' Our Palace cannot be plucked up by the roots like a leek for the sake of a little insect . No ! Suleiman - bin - Daoud must be dead , and what we heard and saw was the earth thundering and darkening at the news . ' They came down the marble steps , one hundred abreast , and beneath his camphor - tree , still weak with laughing , they saw the Most Wise King Suleiman - bin - Daoud rocking back and forth with a Butterfly on either hand , and they heard him say , ' O wife of my brother in the air , remember after this , to please your husband in all things , lest he be provoked to stamp his foot yet again ; for he has said that he is used to this magic , and he is most eminently a great magician - one who steals away the very Palace of Suleirnan - bin - Daoud himself . Go in peace , little folk ! ' And he kissed them on the wings , and they flew away . And Suleiman - bin - Daoud , still looking after the Butterflies where they played in the sunlight , said , ' O my Lady and Jewel of my Felicity , when did this happen ? For I have been jesting with a Butterfly ever since I came into the garden . ' And he told Balkis what he had done . Balkis - The tender and Most Lovely Balkis - said , ' O my Lord and Regent of my Existence , I hid behind the camphor - tree and saw it all . It was I who told the Butterfly 's wife to ask the butterfly to stamp , because I hoped that for the sake of the jest my Lord would make some great magic and that the Queens would see it and be frightened . ' And she told him what the Queens had said and seen and thought . Then Suleiman - bin - Daoud rose up from his seat under the camphor - tree , and stretched his arms and rejoiced and said , ' O my Lady and Sweetener of my Days , know that if I had made a magic against my Queens for the sake of pride or anger , as I made that feast for all the animals , I should certainly have been put to shame . But by means of your wisdom I made the magic for the sake of a jest and for the sake of a little Butterfly , and - behold - it has also delivered me from the vexations of my vexatious wives ! Tell me , therefore , O my Lady and Heart of my Heart , how did you come to be so wise ? ' And Balkis the Queen , beautiful and tall , looked up into Suleiman - bin - Daoud 's eyes and put her head a little on one side , just like the butterfly , and said , ' First , O my Lord , because I loved you ; and secondly , O my Lord , because I know what women - folk are . ' Once upon a time there lived a woman who had no children . She dreamed of having a little girl , but time went by , and her dream never came true . She then went to visit a witch , who gave her a magic grain of barley . She planted it in a flower pot . And the very next day , the grain had turned into a lovely flower , rather like a tulip . The woman softly kissed its half shut petals . And as though by magic , the flower opened in full blossom . Inside sat a tiny girl , no bigger than a thumb . The woman called her Thumbelina . For a bed she had a walnut shell , violet petals for her mattress and a rose petal blanket . In the daytime , she played in a tulip petal boat , floating on a plate of water . Using two horse hairs as oars , Thumbelina . sailed around her little lake , singing and singing in a gentle sweet voice . Then one night , as she lay fast asleep in her walnut shell , a large frog hopped through a hole in the window pane . As she gazed down at Thumbelina . , she said to herself : " How pretty she is ! She 'd make the perfect bride for my own dear son ! " She picked up Thumbelina . , walnut shell and all , and hopped into the garden . Nobody saw her go . Back at the pond , her fat ugly son , who always did as mother told him , was pleased with her choice . But mother frog was afraid that her pretty prisoner might run away . So she carried Thumbelina out to a water lily leaf in the middle of the pond . " And we have plenty of time to prepare a new home for you and your bride . " Thumbelina . was left all alone . She felt so desperate . She knew she would never be able to escape the fate that awaited her with the two horrid fat frogs . All she could do was cry her eyes out . However , one or two minnows who had been enjoying the shade below the water lily leaf , had overheard the two frogs talking , and the little girl 's bitter sobs . They decided to do something about it . So they nibbled away at the lily stem till it broke and drifted away in the weak current . A dancing butterfly had an idea : " Throw me the end of your belt ! I 'll help you to move a little faster ! " Thumbelina . gratefully did so , and the leaf soon floated away from the frog pond . " Isn 't she pretty ? " he said to his friends . But they pointed out that she was far too different . So the beetle took her down the tree and set her free . It was summertime , and Thumbelina . wandered all by herself amongst the flowers and through the long grass . She had pollen for her meals and drank the dew . Then the rainy season came , bringing nasty weather . The poor child found it hard to find food and shelter . When winter set in , she suffered from the cold and felt terrible pangs of hunger . One day , as Thumbelina . roamed helplessly over the bare meadows , she met a large spider who promised to help her . He took her to a hollow tree and guarded the door with a stout web . Then he brought her some dried chestnuts and called his friends to come and admire her beauty . But just like the beetles , all the other spiders persuaded Thumbelina 's rescuer to let her go . Crying her heart out , and quite certain that nobody wanted her because she was ugly , Thumbelina . left the spider 's house . As she wandered , shivering with the cold , suddenly she came across a solid little cottage , made of twigs and dead leaves . Hopefully , she knocked on the door . It was opened by a field mouse . " What are you doing outside in this weather ? " he asked . " Come in and warm yourself . " Comfortable and cozy , the field mouse 's home was stocked with food . For her keep , Thumbelina . did the housework and told the mouse stories . One day , the field mouse said a friend was coming to visit them . " He 's a very rich mole , and has a lovely house . He wears a splendid black fur coat , but he 's dreadfully shortsighted . He needs company and he 'd like to marry you ! " Thumbelina . did not relish the idea . However , when the mole came , she sang sweetly to him and he fell head over heels in love . The mole invited Thumbelina . and the field mouse to visit him , but to their surprise and horror , they came upon a swallow in the tunnel . It looked dead . Mole nudged it with his foot , saying : " That 'll teach her ! She should have come underground instead of darting about the sky all summer ! " Thumbelina . was so shocked by such cruel words that later , she crept back unseen to the tunnel . " It 's kind of you to nurse me , " it told Thumbelina . But , in spring , the swallow flew away , after offering to take the little girl with it . All summer , Thumbelina . did her best to avoid marrying the mole . The little girl thought fearfully of how she 'd have to live underground forever . On the eve of her wedding , she asked to spend a day in the open air . As she gently fingered a flower , she heard a familiar song : " Winter 's on its way and I 'll be off to warmer lands . Come with me ! " Thumbelina quickly clung to her swallow friend , and the bird soared into the sky . They flew over plains and hills till they reached a country of flowers . The swallow gently laid Thumbelina . in a blossom . There she met a tiny , white - winged fairy : the King of the Flower Fairies . Instantly , he asked her to marry him . Thumbelina . eagerly said " yes " , and sprouting tiny white wings , she became the Flower Queen ! So Golden Hair took Blue Eyes ' hand , and they started up the mountain side . It was a warm day , and they were obliged to stop many times to rest under the great oak trees which grew on either side of the path . They made baskets of leaves and filled them with berries as a gift for the old woman . They chased the squirrels and watched the gay little fishes darting about in the brook . On and on they walked in the rocky path , until the sun went down and the birds forgot to sing and the squirrels went to bed . Before long the stars peeped out and the moon shone down on them , and they were a long way from home - but they kept on climbing and climbing . But though Cophetua had all these goods , he lacked one thing . He had no wife , and he was lonely . He was not an old man , - not at all . He was young and fair to look at ; and he was , beside , not spoiled by his riches and his power . He treated every one about him kindly , and he was known throughout his kingdom as a good and generous king . The people wished him to marry , and his old counsellors wagged their heads together and named over all the young princesses in the neighboring kingdoms . They took journeys to see the different princesses , but could not agree amongst themselves . One princess was ill - tempered ; another thought of nothing but her clothes ; another was silly ; and then , what they disliked most , all the princesses wanted so much to marry King Cophetua that they behaved ridiculously whenever his name was mentioned . So it was that the king , for all his riches and power , led a lonely life . But he did not sit down and mope . He went cheerfully about his daily duties , and , to tell the truth , he had seen so many foolish princesses that he came to feel a great contempt for women . Mother and sisters had he none , and in his country it was not the way for young kings to see any women but princesses and slaves . But one day , as King Cophetua was riding out to hunt with his nobles , there stood by the wayside a blind old man , and by his side was his daughter , a young maid , in poor clothing . They were beggars , for even when a king is rich he may have beggars in his kingdom . King Cophetua was about to toss a coin into the out - stretched hand of the old man , when he caught sight of the girl 's face . He stopped his horse . King Cophetua had never seen such a face as hers . It was not only beautiful ; it showed at once a beautiful soul behind it . The king forgot in a moment his disdain for women . He sprang from his horse to the ground , and took the girl 's hand . " Wilt thou love me and be my wife ? " he asked , a little fear in his voice , lest she should say him nay . She looked at him and saw that he was a true man . No one ever had asked her that question before , and she answered very simply , " Yes . " " Then back to the palace , " shouted King Cophetua , joyously . " There shall be no hunt today . " Amazed were the nobles , and amazed were the people , when they heard the news , but King Cophetua wedded the beggar maid , and together they reigned over a happy people . Such an one was a certain Diedrich , who had no father or mother living , and was left to shift for himself . And when he came to Java he was bound out to a rich planter ; but he worked so hard and was so faithful that it was not long before he was free and his own master . Little by little he saved his money , and as he was very careful it was not many years before he was very rich indeed . " I know well , " said the captain , as he pulled away at his pipe . " There is a little house I know by a canal just outside of Amsterdam . I mean to buy that house ; and I will have a summer - house in the garden , and there I will sit all day long smoking my pipe , while my wife sits by my side and knits , and the children play in the garden . " " I have made a great deal of money , " said he , " which you know I am carrying home with me . I will tell you what I am going to do with it . There are a great many poor children in Amsterdam who have no home . I am going to build a great house and live in it , and I am going to have the biggest family of any one in Amsterdam . I shall take the poorest and the most miserable children in Amsterdam , and they shall be my sons and daughters . " Now , while they were talking , the man at the wheel listened ; and , as he heard of the bags of gold that Diedrich was carrying home , his evil heart began to covet the gold . As he steered the ship , and after his turn was over , he thought and thought how he could get that gold . He knew it would be impossible for him alone to seize it , and so he whispered about it to one and another of the sailors . The crew had been got together hastily . There was not one Dutchman among them , and there was not one of the crew who had not committed some crime . They were wicked men , and , when the sailor told them of the gold that was on board , they were ready for anything . These wicked men made short work . They threw the captain and Diedrich and the two mates , each bound hand and foot , into the sea . " Dead men tell no tales , " said the man at the wheel . Then they sailed for the nearest port . But as they sailed a horrible plague broke out on board . It was a plague which made the men crave water for their burning throats , and , as they fought to get at the water - casks , they spilled all the water they had . " We have great store of gold , " the crew cried with their parched mouths . " Only give us water ! " But the people drove them away . It was the same when they went to the next port , and the next . They turned back , away from their homeward voyage , to the ports of the East . Then a great storm arose and they were driven far out to sea , and when the gale died down they steered again for the land . And when they drew near once more , another gale sprang up , and they were driven hither and thither . And once more they were swept far away from the shore . That was years and years ago . But when ships make the Cape of Good Hope , and are rounding it , through the fog and mist and darkness of the night they see a ghostly ship sailing , sailing , never reaching land , always beating up against the wind . Its sails are torn , the masts are bleached , and there are pale figures moving about on deck . Then the sailors whisper to each other : - Damon and Pythias had been the best of friends since childhood . Each trusted the other like a brother , and each knew in his heart there was nothing he would not do for his friend . Eventually the time came for them to prove the depth of their devotion . It happened this way . Dionysius , the ruler of Syracuse , grew annoyed when he heard about the kind of speeches Pythias was giving . The young scholar was telling that no man should have unlimited power over another , and that absolute tyrants were unjust kings . In a fit of rage , Dionysius summoned Pythias and his friend . At that instant Damon , who had stood quietly besides his friend , stepped forward . " I will be his pledge , " he said . " Keep me here in Syracuse , as your prisoner , until Pythias returns . Our friendship is well known to you . You can be sure Pythias will return so long as you hold me . " Dionysius studied the two friends silently , " Very well , " he said at last . " But if you are willing to take the place of your friend , you must be willing to accept his sentence if he breaks his promise . If Pythias does not return to Syracuse , you will have to die in his place . " " Your time is almost up , " the ruler of Syracuse sneered . " It will be useless to beg for mercy . You are a fool to rely on your friend 's promise . Did you really think he would sacrifice his life for you or anyone else ? " " He has merely been delayed , " Damon answered steadily . " The winds have kept him from sailing , or perhaps he has met with some accident on the road . But if it is humanly possible , he will be here on time . I am confident of his virtue as I am of my own existence . " The fatal day arrived . Damon was brought from prison and led before the executioner . Dionysius greeted him with a smug smile . " It seems you friend has not turned up , " he laughed . " What do you think of him now ? " " He is my friend , " Damon answered . " I trust him . " Even as he spoke , the doors flew open , and Pythias staggered into the room . He was pale and bruised and half speechless from exhaustion . He rushed to the arms of his friend . " You are safe , praise the gods , " he gasped . " It seemed as though the fate was conspiring against us . My ship was wrecked in a storm , and then bandits attacked me on the road . But I refused to give up hope , and at last I 've made it back on time . I am ready to receive my sentence of death . " " The sentence is revoked , " he declared . " I 've never believed that such faith and loyalty could exist in friendship . You have shown me how wrong I was , and it is only right that you be rewarded with your freedom . But I ask that in return you do me one great service . " Long ago , England was ruled by a king named Canute . Like many leaders and men of power , Canute was surrounded by people who were always praising him . Every time he walked into a room , the flattery began . " Bring it closer to the sea , " Canute called . " Put it right here , right at the water 's edge . " He sat down and surveyed the ocean before him . " I notice the tide is coming in . Do you think it will stop if I give the command ? " " Very well . Sea , " cried Canute , " I command you to come no further ! Waves , stop your rolling ! . Surf , stop your pounding ! Do not dare touch my feet ! " " How dare you ! " Canute shouted . " Ocean , turn back now ! I have ordered you to retreat before me , and now you must obey ! Go back ! " And in answer another wave swept forward and curled around the king 's feet . The tide came in , just as it always did . The water rose higher and higher . It came up around the king 's chair , and wet not only his feet , but also his robe . His officers stood before him , alarmed , and wondering whether he was not mad . " Well , my friends , " Canute said , " it seems I do not have quite so much power as you would have me believe . Perhaps you have learned something today . Perhaps now you will remember there is only one King who is all - powerful , and it is He who rules the sea , and holds the ocean in the hollow of His hand . I suggest you reserve your praises for Him . " One morning when he was home from the wars , he rode out into the woods to have a day 's sport . Many of his friends were with him . They rode out gayly , carrying their bows and arrows . Behind them came the servants with the hounds . On the king 's wrist sat his favorite hawk ; for in those days hawks were trained to hunt . At a word from their masters they would fly high up into the air , and look around for prey . If they chanced to see a deer or a rabbit , they would swoop down upon it swift as any arrow . Toward evening they started for home . The king had often ridden through the woods , and he knew all the paths . So while the rest of the party took the nearest way , he went by a longer road through a valley between two mountains . The day had been warm , and the king was very thirsty . His pet hawk had left his wrist and flown away . It would be sure to find its way home . The king rode slowly along . He had once seen a spring of clear water near this pathway . If he could only find it now ! But the hot days of summer had dried up all the mountain brooks . At last , to his joy , he saw some water trickling down over the edge of a rock . He knew that there was a spring farther up . In the wet season , a swift stream of water always poured down here ; but now it came only one drop at a time . It took a long time to fill the cup ; and the king was so thirsty that he could hardly wait . At last it was nearly full . He put the cup to his lips , and was about to drink . This time he did not wait so long . When the cup was half full , he lifted it toward his mouth . But before it had touched his lips , the hawk swooped down again , and knocked it from his hands . He had hardly spoken , before the hawk swooped down and knocked the cup from his hand . But the king was looking for this . With a quick sweep of the sword he struck the bird as it passed . At last he reached the place . There indeed was a pool of water ; but what was that lying in the pool , and almost filling it ? It was a huge , dead snake of the most poisonous kind . He clambered down the bank . He took the bird up gently , and laid it in his hunting bag . Then he mounted his horse and rode swiftly home . He said to himself , His father and mother felt very bad about this . And , as for the poor Please itself , it would sit up on the roof of the boy 's mouth day after day , hoping for a chance to get out . It was growing weaker and weaker every day . This boy Dick had a brother , John . Now , John was older than Dick - he was almost ten ; and he was just as polite as Dick was rude . So his Please had plenty of fresh air , and was strong and happy . One day at breakfast , Dick 's Please felt that he must have some fresh air , even if he had to run away . So out he ran - out of Dick 's mouth - and took a long breath . Then he crept across the table and jumped into John 's mouth ! " I know it , " replied Dick 's Please . " I live over there in that brother mouth . But alas ! I am not happy there . I am never used . I never get a breath of fresh air ! I thought you might be willing to let me stay here for a day or so - - until I felt stronger . " " Why , certainly , " said the other Please , kindly . " I understand . Stay , of course ; and when my master uses me , we will both go out together . He is kind , and I am sure he would not mind saying ' Please ' twice . Stay , as long as you like . " All this time little Dick had been calling , " Give me an egg ! I want some milk . Give me a spoon ! " in the rude way he had . But now he stopped and listened to his brother . He thought it would be fun to try to talk like John ; so he began , He was trying to say " please " ; but how could he ? He never guessed that his own little Please was sitting in John 's mouth . So he tried again , and asked for the butter . But the next morning , no sooner had they sat down to breakfast than Dick 's Please ran home again . He had had so much fresh air the day before that now he was feeling quite strong and happy . And the very next moment , he had another airing ; for Dick said , " Father , will you cut my orange , please ? " Why ! the word slipped out as easily as could be ! It sounded just as well as when John said it - John was saying only one " please " this morning . And from that time on , little Dick was just as polite as his brother . Christmas at Gas Station The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve . He hadn 't been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away . It was just another day to him . He didn 't hate Christmas , just couldn 't find a reason to celebrate . He was sitting there looking at the snow that had been falling for the last hour and wondering what it was all about when the door opened and a homeless man stepped through . Instead of throwing the man out , Old George as he was known by his customers , told the man to come and sit by the heater and warm up . " Thank you , but I don 't mean to intrude , " said the stranger . " I see you 're busy , I 'll just go . " He turned and opened a wide mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger . " It ain 't much , but it 's hot and tasty . Stew … Made it myself . When you 're done , there 's coffee and it 's fresh . " Just at that moment he heard the " ding " of the driveway bell . " Excuse me , be right back , " George said . There in the driveway was an old ' 53 Chevy . Steam was rolling out of the front . . The driver was panicked . " Mister can you help me ! " said the driver , with a deep Spanish accent . " My wife is with child and my car is broken . " George opened the hood . It was bad . The block looked cracked from the cold , the car was dead . " But Mister , please help … " The door of the office closed behind George as he went inside . He went to the office wall and got the keys to his old truck , and went back outside . He walked around the building , opened the garage , started the truck and drove it around to where the couple was waiting . " Here , take my truck , " he said . " She ain 't the best thing you ever looked at , but she runs real good . " George helped put the woman in the truck and watched as it sped off into the night . He turned and walked back inside the office . " Glad I gave ' em the truck , their tires were shot too . That ' ol truck has brand new . " George thought he was talking to the stranger , but the man had gone . The Thermos was on the desk , empty , with a used coffee cup beside it . " Well , at least he got something in his belly , " George thought . George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start . It cranked slowly , but it started . He pulled it into the garage where the truck had been . He thought he would tinker with it for something to do . Christmas Eve meant no customers . He discovered the block hadn 't cracked , it was just the bottom hose on the radiator . " Well , shoot , I can fix this , " he said to himself . So he put a new one on . " Those tires ain 't gonna get ' em through the winter either . " He took the snow treads off of his wife 's old Lincoln . They were like new and he wasn 't going to drive the car anyway . As he was working , he heard shots being fired . He ran outside and beside a police car an officer lay on the cold ground . Bleeding from the left shoulder , the officer moaned , " Please help me . " George helped the officer inside as he remembered the training he had received in the Army as a medic . He knew the wound needed attention . " Pressure to stop the bleeding , " he thought . The uniform company had been there that morning and had left clean shop towels . He used those and duct tape to bind the wound . " Hey , they say duct tape can fix anythin ' , " he said , trying to make the policeman feel at ease . " Something for pain , " George thought . All he had was the pills he used for his back . " These ought to work . " He put some water in a cup and gave the policeman the pills . " You hang in there , I 'm going to get you an ambulance . " The phone was dead . " Maybe I can get one of your buddies on that there talk box out in your car . " He went out only to find that a bullet had gone into the dashboard destroying the two way radio . He went back in to find the policeman sitting up . " Thanks , " said the officer . " You could have left me there . The guy that shot me is still in the area . " George sat down beside him , " I would never leave an injured man in the Army and I ain 't gonna leave you . " George pulled back the bandage to check for bleeding . " Looks worse than what it is . Bullet passed right through ' ya . Good thing it missed the important stuff though . I think with time your gonna be right as rain . " " Oh , yer gonna drink this . Best in the city . Too bad I ain 't got no donuts . " The officer laughed and winced at the same time . The front door of the office flew open . In burst a young man with a gun . " Give me all your cash ! Do it now ! " the young man yelled . His hand was shaking and George could tell that he had never done anything like this before . He turned his attention to the young man . " Son , it 's Christmas Eve . If you need money , well then , here . It ain 't much but it 's all I got . Now put that pea shooter away . " George pulled $ 150 out of his pocket and handed it to the young man , reaching for the barrel of the gun at the same time . The young man released his grip on the gun , fell to his knees and began to cry . " I 'm not very good at this am I ? All I wanted was to buy something for my wife and son , " he went on . " I 've lost my job , my rent is due , my car got repossessed last week . " George handed the gun to the cop . " Son , we all get in a bit of squeeze now and then . The road gets hard sometimes , but we make it through the best we can . " He got the young man to his feet , and sat him down on a chair across from the cop . " Sometimes we do stupid things . " George handed the young man a cup of coffee . " Bein ' stupid is one of the things that makes us human . Comin ' in here with a gun ain 't the answer . Now sit there and get warm and we 'll sort this thing out . " The young man had stopped crying . He looked over to the cop . " Sorry I shot you . It just went off . I 'm sorry officer . " George could hear the sounds of sirens outside . A police car and an ambulance skidded to a halt . Two cops came through the door , guns drawn . " Chuck ! You ok ? " one of the cops asked the wounded officer . George went into the back room and came out with a box . He pulled out a ring box . " Here you go , something for the little woman . I don 't think Martha would mind . She said it would come in handy some day . " The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he ever saw . " I can 't take this , " said the young man . " It means something to you . " George reached into the box again . An airplane , a car and a truck appeared next . They were toys that the oil company had left for him to sell . " Here 's something for that little man of yours . " " Well , after my wife passed away , I just couldn 't see what all the bother was . Puttin ' up a tree and all seemed a waste of a good pine tree . Bakin ' cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn 't the same by myself and besides I was gettin ' a little chubby . " The stranger put his hand on George 's shoulder . " But you do celebrate the holiday , George . You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I was cold and hungry . The woman with child will bear a son and he will become a great doctor . The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from being killed by terrorists . The young man who tried to rob you will make you a rich man and not take any for himself . " That is the spirit of the season and you keep it as good as any man . " The stranger moved toward the door . " If you will excuse me , George , I have to go now . I have to go home where there is a big celebration planned . " This blog may contain copyrighted material . Such material is made available for educational purposes , to advance understanding of human rights , democracy , scientific , moral , ethical , and social justice issues , etc . This constitutes a ' fair use ' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U . S . C . section 107 of the US Copyright Law . This material is distributed without profit . Images and text are copyrighted to their respective authors and publishers . The author does not have any financial benefit from posting them . In the event a problem or error with copyrighted material is brought to notice , the break of the copyright is unintentional and non - commercial and such material will be removed immediately by request . All images and news items shown on this blog ( apart from where indicated as my own ) , are the property of their respective owners . These images have been collected from various public sources , including websites , considering to be in public domain . If anyone has any objection in displaying any image or news , it may be brought to my attention via email & the same will be be removed immediately , after verification of the claim .

• January 2 , 2013 • 2 Comments I considered making a list of resolutions and sharing them here . I even thought of funny ways to say them that I 'm sure you would have enjoyed . But I 'm going to assume that you 're either so impressed with all the resolutions you 've already read , or so sick of them , that my version would fall into one list or the other and be forgotten . So instead , I 'm going to share a story . About a year ago I was taking a shower . I shave in the shower , though I admit it 's a bit risky . I wouldn 't have admitted that before , but I can no longer argue otherwise . I perched my razor in the little corner where we keep our shampoo . I even tucked it in nicely behind the shampoo so it wouldn 't fall . It was a system I 'd used for years with no problem . I 'm not sure why it didn 't occur to me that it would be bad to pick up the shampoo . I heard two clacks . I knew what they were , because I also felt the tiny vibration of a razor hitting the floor and breaking apart . I even felt it bounce off my heel . I thought to myself that I shouldn 't move my feet until I could get the shampoo off my face and look to see where the blade had landed . That was the last sane thought I had . I found the blade somewhere in the middle of the red whirlpool at my feet . I don 't like blood . I just stared at it for a moment , confused and unconvinced that it even was blood I was seeing . Nothing hurt . But then I remembered that little bounce , and I glanced at my heel . Now before I tell you how I reacted , I need to explain the actual injury . It will make a difference , I promise . In my defense , this was no little scratch . I had somehow taken a chunk of skin from the inside of my heel where I didn 't even know a chunk existed . But ! I would say the entire injury was about the size of a dry pinto bean . So don 't feel bad for me . Feel free to laugh . I put my thumb into the hole in my heel and sat down . I was sitting in blood , thumb in my heel , with hot water raining down . I saw stars . I 'm not sure why they call them stars , though . If you 've ever seen them , then you know that they move . If you were able to appreciate it when you were in the condition to see them , you might even say they were pretty . Like fireflies . I did not think they were pretty . The spot that had previously felt like an innocent bounce against my skin turned to a searing pain as soon as I saw it , as if the panic of seeing blood wasn 't enough . My body was telling me that I was dying , and for a moment I was fool enough to believe it . I explained to myself , not kindly , that I was being stupid . I had , after all , been through two C - Sections . No one had ever died of a heel injury , except perhaps Achilles . All I had to do was turn off the water and get out of the shower . I tried to do that but found that I was too small to reach up and turn off the water without taking my other hand off my heel - not an option . I didn 't figure out how to partially stand and do it until the water started turning cold . I hate cold almost as much as I hate blood . By then , I had begun to berate myself out loud . I was fully aware of how ridiculous the situation was , and I was helpless to improve on it . I crawled , yes , crawled like I was dying , out of the shower and curled up on the rug , still holding my injury and still seeing stars . I considered calling my son to help me , but I had enough pride left to prevent that . Thankfully , I could reach my towel , which I draped over myself to stop the shivering . Noah did find me , and what he saw must have looked much worse than it was , because he went white . I told him not to panic . Then I laughed like a maniac at the irony . That didn 't help either of us . He asked if he should call 911 , and that 's when I realized I had to be the most pathetic thing in the world at that moment . I don 't know if I was laughing or crying as I crawled out of the bathroom . I know I left a trail of blood that still didn 't make sense to me . Gabe had somehow managed to hear that I was dying , so he came in to see . Noah tried to herd him out , with whispered promises that he would try to keep me alive . I know for certain I laughed then . I considered calling 911 just to cap it off . But no . I got up , sort of . I never took my thumb from that hole . But I managed to get dressed enough to face my sons . I even figured out how to hop around while holding the injury . I wasn 't ready to let it go . I even considered just living that way until it healed . I hopped out of my room and onto our tile floor . I have great balance , so don 't worry . I never fall down . Except when I land on Gabe 's lasso , which I did at that moment . It slid forward , taking my foot with it , and I landed flat on my tailbone . That brought the list of injuries up to five . Heel , tailbone , wrist , back , cheek . ( I bit my cheek when I landed . ) And I still hadn 't taken my thumb out . Not even to stop my fall . It 's a testament both to how special my boys are , and to how bad I must have looked , that neither of them laughed . Noah said , " Mom , please let me call 911 now , " and Gabe said , " Get Dad ! " Dad was at work , but I appreciated the thought . I survived , against the odds . I no longer perch my razor in the shampoo spot , but I do still shave in the shower . There 's a little pink scar on my heel to remind me that it takes very little to turn me into an idiot . My sons still don 't laugh at that story , and that is a reminder of how blessed I am . If I were to make a resolution , it would be to be more like them . To be able to see someone in very little trouble but making big trouble from it , and not laugh . To be willing to help those whose problems may seem smaller than my own . • December 28 , 2012 • 2 Comments I 'm not afraid of getting old . I don 't mind the idea of flabby skin and wrinkles , of extra softness . I remember how I used to play with my granny 's hands , pressing the skin at the tips of her fingers in an attempt to fill in what was empty . Her skin didn 't fit her anymore , but I didn 't see it that way . She looked the way a granny was supposed to look . Old and soft . Sweet . That , I look forward to . It 's the in - between stuff I fear . At my age , thirty - five , I 'm supposed to still shine . I don 't have any wrinkles yet , but as I said , I don 't mind them . What I hate is this mediocre version of myself I 've become . In the beginning , we 're only hints of what we 'll become , and at the end we 're a shadow of what we were . But what am I right now ? Is there ever a time when I 'm exactly what I 'm supposed to be ? I only have one scar on my body . It 's the place where they opened me up to bring my children into the world . I can 't hate that scar , because I know what it represents . But I can hate how it changes the way any amount of fat looks on me . I hate that I still have it in me to be what I was a decade ago , but that I 'm not doing it . Or maybe I am . Maybe I 've reached a point where I realize that I have to choose which parts of me will grow old first . That sounds too much like mediocrity . So I stretch myself too thin . In my writing , I fear the same things . I don 't fear the end , when my mind is spent , and I 've said all I can . I laugh at myself when I read the first book I wrote . I read it from between my fingers , but I know it for what it is . A start . But this stuff , in the middle , when I 'm experiencing life at break - neck speed and writing every chance I get - this is what I worry about . This is where I don 't want to be a hint or a shadow . I want to be twenty - one , full of inspiration and promise . I want my words to fit the page and leave no room for squashing around . • December 22 , 2012 • 3 Comments Every now and then I like to take a moment to go through my work and see what I 've accomplished . I did that this week and discovered that I have seven completed novels , three of which have been revised enough that I feel I should be submitting them . I have seven novels in the first draft process and seven more concepts in the early stages . My current work in progress is the second book in my science fiction series , Collected . I 've been to this point before , when I realize I have so much going on that I 've lost sight of my goals . It 's time to seek an agent or to consider other options . This part is more difficult to me than writing a book . The agent search , the query , the synopsis … And now , it seems self - publishing is not what it used to be . Should I consider it ? Or should I save it for later , if I don 't find an agent ? The internet is filled with opinions on this topic , and I could spend all day looking through them and not find an answer . I have done that , actually . What I 'm thinking right now is that I 'm open - minded to self - publishing , but not determined to do it . I have one book that 's been ready for a long time . It 's a middle grade novel , though I usually write for young adults . Sam and Millie is the story of one summer seen through the eyes of a twelve - year - old boy with Autism . The book is not about Autism . It 's about Sam . I haven 't decided if I will self - publish , but I designed a possible cover . I would love advice , especially from those who have made this journey . • December 20 , 2012 • Leave a Comment Most of the time , my characters come completely from my imagination . I try not to use people from my life , except in small ways . But every now and then a part of my life is fun to see as fiction . Nina swung her mace , taking the beast in the jaw , though it did little damage . Her strength wasn 't in fighting , but she didn 't back down . Not until Mike stepped around her and finished the beast with one wave of his staff . Fire erupted from it , a torrent that forced Nina to shield her eyes . She checked Mike to see if he had taken any damage , but he hadn 't . She would have healed him as she had done so often in the past , but he hardly seemed to need her anymore . Nina smiled . It wasn 't long ago he was just a novice , hardly able to keep himself alive in the safest places . But he had changed . Nina followed him now , not to keep him safe , but to keep him from leaving her . " You 're quiet again , " he said , stopping to rest beside a tree . Nina eyed the tree and didn 't sit beside him until she was satisfied it wouldn 't come to life and attack them . You could never be too sure . Mike waited only a moment to press her further . " What 's on your mind ? " " Of course not , " Mike said , chuckling . " As many worlds as I 've visited , I have yet to find one where women say what they mean . Give me a clue ? " Mike sighed . He didn 't seem surprised by it , and why would he ? He was used to having to drag things out of her . Oh , she could talk . She could go on for hours about anything in the world that didn 't really matter . But as soon as his questions turned to the things that haunted her , she lost the ability to verbalize . She concentrated on picking the tangle out of her hair and didn 't attempt to speak anymore . " I could write it , " Nina agreed . " But I 'd never give it to you . " The tangle was unfixable . She took her small scissors from her pack and cut it loose from her hair , and Mike shook his head at her . Nina considered making some comment about men not saying what they meant , but it couldn 't be applied to Mike , not even as a jibe . He was as direct as he was strong . Caught without a witty reply , she did what she always did . She changed the subject . " We should get moving . " A glance at Mike 's face left no question he was aware of her attempt to distract him , but he would let it pass . For now . They crept through the forest together , keeping close , and keeping silent , until they reached the place where the ogres had gathered . Nina was useless . She could only fight one at a time , and even then , they were too strong for her . But Mike barely hesitated before he drew a ring of ice around them . He took a few injuries , but nothing Nina couldn 't fix . She healed the bruises as if they 'd never happened , but she muttered under her breath . Nina refused to smile , though she loved it when he said that . " Some of this , at least , came from you getting between me and the ogres . " She jabbed him in the chest to make it clear how she felt about that . Nina glared up at him . For all his directness , he was still a mystery to her . His hair , mostly gray with bits of brown still showing , made him seem older than he really was . Sometimes he seemed like he could be her father , though they were only five years apart . Other times , he seemed … She cocked one eyebrow at him . " Why should I carry it , when I have you ? " But she did carry it . She 'd do pretty much anything he told her to , and he seemed to know it . He carefully phrased his suggestions , keeping them as far from commands as he could . She used that to her advantage as often as possible . She enjoyed twisting his words , and sometimes she was sure he enjoyed having them twisted . " I think we 've done enough today , " Mike said suddenly . He looked to the sky , though it couldn 't be clearly seen through the canopy . " What do you think ? " " I 'm satisfied , " Nina said . She 'd have hunted through the night , but she understood his desire to stop . " We should both be getting home , I guess . " " Yes . My boys will be wanting their bedtime stories , " Mike said . " And I 've spent too little time with the wife , of late . " That thing Nina wanted to say bubbled to the surface again , but she pushed it down . Mike watched her sideways as they headed for home . When they reached the point where they could no longer travel together , he stopped and shifted from foot to foot . " Will you be okay ? " She nodded . " If you show up , " she said . He frowned at her , but she turned and walked away without waiting for a reply . " Someday , " she whispered , " you won 't . " She heard him stop walking . Had she said it too loudly ? When she turned around , he was standing there , looking down at her , his brown eyes filled with worry . " Why did you say that ? " he asked . She tried to back away , but she hit a tree . " You should give up . " She pushed him back , and he moved willingly . But he stopped , and her wrist bent backward . A reminder that it was willingness that moved him . " I come here for you , " she said . " I don 't care about monsters any more than you do . And don 't take it the wrong way . I love my husband as much as you love your wife . But I 've come to need you somehow . I don 't have a right to need you . And you can 't help me . Not any more than you already have . " " Yes . " She smiled . " Part of me wants to beg you not to go . And part of me wants to scream at you to disappear , just the way I 've always known you would . To leave me hanging , wondering if you 're alive , or if you were ever real to begin with . Because you came at a time when I needed you , and though I never really knew you , you changed me . I 've healed you a thousand times , but really , all this time , you 've been healing me . " • December 20 , 2012 • 2 Comments Today 's post is a sample of my writing . Toadie and Gwen is a work in progress . Feedback is welcome and appreciated . Toadie rolled up the legs of his pants as high as they 'd go and put one foot into the stream . Cold as a puppy 's nose , the water licked his ankle and sent a shiver through him . He added his other foot and let out a whoop . The rocks were slick , painted with yellow moss and some kind of slime he 'd never understood . But he stayed up as he inched his way across . Gwen stood on the bank behind him and watched . His twin , she 'd been called for as long as he could remember . But not for any similarities in appearance . Toadie looked like his people , dark haired , bronze skinned and brown eyed . But Gwen looked like no one else he 'd ever seen , with her fair skin , blond hair and lavender eyes . She 'd been named for it , for how pale her skin was , like the moon on a cloudless night . She and Toadie were born at the exact same moment , eighteen years ago , and the village had dubbed them twins , though they were not related . And they couldn 't have been more different . Or more likely to be seen together , despite their differences . Or maybe because of them . Toadie looked back at Gwen to make sure she was still close . She wore a dress , the silly girl , like she didn 't know she 'd end up butt - first in the water before she got across . He held out his hand to her , but she shook her head . That 's why she 'd end up butt - first . That , and a tendency to giggle at anything cold . Toadie was halfway across when he heard it . Giggle . Squeal . Splash . Always the same . He went back and pulled her to her feet . " Don 't know what 's so funny about cold water , " he said . Her fingers were icicles in his hand after their dunking , so she twisted them around every which way to steal his warmth . Shameless . Even with the summer sun straight overhead she couldn 't warm her own skin . Toadie saw a fish twitching around in a rock bed and pointed it out to her . He squeezed his lips together . She 'd cry for sure if he said what he was thinking . But how the heck was he supposed to carry a fish ? If Gwen ever got loose alone in the wilderness , she 'd be dead in ten minutes . He loosened his lips enough to smile at her . " Maybe on the way back if it 's still there . " He helped her onto the bank and bent down to unroll his pants . She started to walk away before he was done , so he snatched her sleeve and pulled her back . She liked it when he did that , though she tried to pretend she didn 't . If he let her get too far from him she 'd come back on her own , but then she 'd pout for the rest of the day . " So do I . And she 'll tell you what she says every time . I don 't know . I don 't see those things . " He led her up the bank and into the trees . " Why don 't you ask something new this time ? " Toadie gave up . She could ask what she wanted , even if she would pout all the way home . His hand found its way to his pouch . He checked that it was still there every so often without realizing it . " Did you bring a gift ? " " Well , no . But I love it . " She smiled . She shook her dress out and ran her hands over it , and her fingers caught on something - a stick . She pulled it off and held it up . " Is this one of those sticks that can start a fire ? " she asked . She gave him an exasperated look . " No , Silly . Matches don 't come from trees . If they did , don 't you think every forest in the world would have burned down by now ? " He knew a good spot for gathering mushrooms , but it was out of the way . He might be able to find some along the path , but if he didn 't , they 'd have a long walk back . Either way , getting a gift for Gwen was going to cost them time . He looked up at the sun and judged it was almost noon . Twelve hours left , but only eight in the light . He turned back to ask Gwen which way she 'd prefer to go , but she wasn 't there . " Gwen ? " It wasn 't like her to wander off , and she 'd never played a prank in her life . " Gwen ! " He tried to remember if she 'd made any sounds while he was thinking , but he just didn 't know . So he searched the ground for a sign of which way she 'd gone . It didn 't take long for him to pick up her trail . A squashed section of moss here , a broken twig there . She was headed toward the creek again , only on higher ground . Upstream from where they 'd crossed , not the direction her gift would have traveled , but she might not know that . Toadie heard the rushing water up ahead , so he ran . And he found her . So he spoke softly . " Gwen . Don 't move . " She didn 't seem to hear him . She stood on a fallen log high above the water . Above rocks and rapids . Her arms were at her sides , not raised as they should be to help her balance . She lacked even the most basic survival instincts . He couldn 't call to her without risking startling her and making her fall . So that left one choice . He stepped out onto the log . It was old , and it wanted to crumble under his weight . It didn 't seem to mind Gwen 's lighter frame , but the two of them together might be too much . He examined it closely . Tiny holes , signs of insects having bored inside to enjoy the feast . He had to assume it was at least partly hollow . Yelling at Gwen was starting to sound like a better idea . But she hadn 't moved since he first found her . And that was not like Gwen at all . He couldn 't see her face , but he could almost imagine her eyes were closed . Sleep was the only time when she did or said nothing , and even then it wasn 't always so . More than once he 'd seen her wake herself with a giggle . But of course , she wasn 't sleeping , not standing upright in such an odd place . Was she ? He took a tentative step toward her and heard the sound of softened wood crunching . Gwen was still ten feet away . He looked down and tried to line her up with what was underneath . Could she possibly survive if they fell ? No . There were jagged rocks exactly under her , as if she 'd chosen the spot that would give him the most grief . Or had she stopped for another reason ? He looked past her feet to examine the log just in front of where she stood . What he saw erased any idea he had of reaching her and pulling her back . The log was not hollow , but he could see inside it . A chunk had been knocked away , and what was left looked like it could be carved by a spoon . How was she not breaking it ? He certainly would if he joined her . He inched backward until he reached moist earth again . And he felt helpless , truly helpless , for the first time in his life . He stood so still and thought so hard that the first sound he heard startled him . Only a bird , but it snapped him out of his thoughts . And it did the same for Gwen , apparently , because her right foot lifted and moved as if to step where the soft center of the log was exposed . Toadie yelled before he could stop himself , and Gwen froze with her foot just above the gap . The bird called again , and she put her foot into it . Then Toadie understood , though it was a stupid thing to understand . Gwen was following a bird . Maybe to her death . But that gave Toadie an idea . He was good at bird calls . He didn 't recognize the one Gwen was following , but he was sure he could duplicate the sound . He threw back his head and let out the warbly screech , and the bird answered immediately , maybe angrily . Gwen twitched , as if she didn 't know which way to go . Could it work ? He did the call again , and when the bird tried to answer , he repeated the call loudly . He expected Gwen to back up , but she whirled around and scanned the trees with wild eyes . Toadie was right there at eye level with her , but she didn 't even glance at him . He screeched again . And again . And Gwen took slow steps toward him , never looking down , never taking her eyes from the highest branches in search of her bird . The real bird called out behind her , but Toadie was louder and more insistent , so he kept her moving in his direction . In his mind , something else was happening . A different battle , where on one side of his consciousness he was out - crying a bird , and on the other , he knew just how silly such a notion was . But this was Gwen , and if he 'd learned anything in his eighteen years , it was that anything was possible with Gwen . Anything but a normal day . Not one since the day they were born . As soon as Gwen was in reach , Toadie grabbed her , and not gently . All the fear that had been simmering unacknowledged inside him turned to anger , and he tucked her under his arm and carried her far from the log . Far enough not to hear the water or the bird , and far enough to work some of the heat out before he set her down and freed up his hands . There was still enough fire left to force him to hold his arms at his sides until he could convince himself not to take any of it out on Gwen . He shook his head . The words that wanted to come out were the kind that brought tears , and he had no skill at stopping them once they 'd started . Best to just keep his mouth shut and his hands to himself until his heart took up residence in his chest again . And until the idea of taking a switch from the nearest tree and chasing her all the way home with it stopped seeming so appropriate . It didn 't take long . Gwen had figured out years ago that the best thing to do when Toadie was angry was to stand and blink at him . Being mad at Gwen was like being mad at a kitten . It could only last as long as the mischief lasted , because the cuteness was overwhelming . And the innocence . And Gwen had that wide - eyed innocent stare down after so many years of practice . It worked on Toadie , even if it didn 't work on her father . He felt himself cooling off , so he relaxed his arms and even managed a small smile . " What did I do this time ? " Gwen asked , aware of his softened stance . It was what she always asked , but this time Toadie was surprised by it . Surely she wasn 't that clueless . " Matches ? Why on Earth would it be about matches ? " The heat was rising again . The least she could do is acknowledge what she 'd done ! She sensed his anger and took a step back from him . But there was not so much as a flicker of recognition in her round eyes . She didn 't know what she 'd done . Or didn 't remember . Toadie rolled his shoulders and shook off the urge to clobber her . Maybe someone else needed clobbering . " Do you remember the log ? " he asked . He held out his hand , and Gwen rushed to him . Her arms clamped around his waist , and he patted her back . But his eyes were on the forest now , searching for the trickster , for anyone cold enough to put Gwen in danger . He wished he 'd brought his bow , but since he hadn 't intended to hunt today , it was sitting unstrung in his kitchen . He pulled out the only thing he had that would pass for a weapon . His knife , which would be useless against a bird but might be perfect for a person controlling one . When Gwen stepped back and faced him again , her eyes were back to their regular size , which was still a bit wider than anyone else 's . She wouldn 't ask about the log or question why Toadie had been angry with her . It was always enough that he was happy again . So he gave her his best smile and a tweak to her chin for good measure and led her back to the path they had been on earlier . But he kept his eyes on her , and when she lagged behind a bit , he told her to hold his belt loop , a thing she loved to do . Toadie was so intent on getting Gwen safely to the cave he almost forgot she still needed a gift . He checked the sun again . They 'd lost at least an hour to the mystery bird , and they were on the wrong part of the path for mushrooms . He 'd gone the sunniest way possible in his attempt to watch the woods . But there was no use going without a gift . So he turned right around and headed into the thickest trees he could find . It was a part of the woods he 'd never explored , but there were ferns and thick mossy patches , and that led him deeper . Wetter ground , shadier corners , a stand of Pines . He was on the right track . His eyes fell on a fallen tree , and he pulled Gwen toward it . He could already see the mushrooms as he neared the tree , but he would let Gwen find them . It meant more that way . Gwen dove right in and looked so wrong doing it , it almost made Toadie chuckle . In that boggy place with so little light and color , she was like a lantern on a foggy night . The only thing he could see . But she ran her fingers through the decomposing leaves and bark , upsetting lizards and even a snake once , without any hint of fear . She moved all around the mushrooms without seeing them , and Toadie 's sense of dread mounted . Something would bite her eventually , the wrong thing no doubt , and he 'd have to suck the venom from her fingers . It wouldn 't be the first time , but she 'd treat it as if it were . Because even after being bitten , Gwen would be tickled by his lips around her skin . Sometimes he wondered if she sought out an attack for the pleasure of it . But even Gwen couldn 't be that silly . Could she ? Her squeal jarred him out of his thoughts . He was already searching her fingers for the bite before he realized he had moved . But there was no bite . She had a fistful of mushrooms and a glorious smile on her face that only a personal success could bring . He couldn 't put them in the pouch with his gift , so he put them in his pocket . " Back on my belt loop , " he told Gwen , and her finger darted through the hole and formed a hook . Toadie looked to the sky again . " Almost two , " he said . " We need to pick up the pace . " He worked his way back to the path , tossing the knife in quick circles , catching the tip and then the handle and back again . Not because it was fun , or even to show off for Gwen , but because he couldn 't decide which way to hold it . One to stab , the other to throw . And he didn 't know who or what might jump out at them . He could think of only one person who could control a bird or put Gwen in a trance , and that thought nearly turned him around for home . But the opportunity only came once a year , and even if he was marching right toward the trickster herself , he couldn 't pass it up . Not for himself , and especially not for Gwen . Gwen , who was now singing a song about elves who liked to steal mushrooms and toads from unsuspecting forest wanderers . His hand drifted to his pouch . " Are you making that up ? " he asked , glancing at Gwen over his shoulder . Her giggle was answer enough . " How do you make it rhyme ? " He caught the knife by the tip and turned back around . He didn 't toss it anymore . Gwen 's song had changed to a story about a man who juggled knives to win the hearts of pretty girls , and Toadie hoped the man in the story wasn 't supposed to be him . Who would suppose juggling knives would attract a girl anyway ? Let alone the gaggle of them in Gwen 's story . Really , the girl had a wild imagination . " It 's okay , " Toadie told her . " I 'll let you ride on my back . And remember there 's a spring just on the other side . " It wasn 't dangerous , really . Not for Toadie with his good balance . But it smelled terrible . The green mud bubbled and spewed fumes into the air , and it made anything he 'd eaten that day try to come back up his throat . He could try breathing through his mouth for a while , but eventually it coated his tongue if he did it . Tasting it was worse than smelling it . Toadie pulled out two hankies and wrapped one around Gwen 's mouth and nose . Then he applied his own and helped her onto his back . She rested her chin on his shoulder , which jabbed a bit . But he didn 't complain . He had to concentrate to stay on the stone walkway through the muck . Gwen was a good rider . She hooked her feet together around his waist and never clamped his arms down , knowing he 'd need them if he wavered . The bog was long and wide , by far the longest stretch any one feature of the journey would take up on its own , and it sapped even the most pleasant thoughts . It didn 't belong there , halfway up the mountain where the air should be crisp and clean . Toadie suspected it wasn 't natural at all , but part of the magic that protected the cave from curious eyes . A thick green cloud billowed up just in front of him , and he had to stop and hold his breath . Gwen 's stomach stopped moving against his back . They both gasped when the cloud dissipated , which took longer than either of them could have hoped . Gwen wouldn 't speak while they were there , not without an emergency , but she 'd developed a language all her own . She rubbed his cheek , and that meant keep moving . So he stepped to the next stone , which required him to put his foot into the sticky film that coated the stone after the latest eruption . It was hot and about as nasty as anything could be . But he was onto the next stone before he had time to fret over it . Gwen sighed , a soft sound made even softer by the cloth over her mouth , and Toadie knew it was a sigh of gratitude . She 'd stepped in the grime a few times , and it did worse things to her sensitive skin than it would to his . One year she had come wearing shoes , but that had ended worse than any other year . She wasn 't used to wearing them , and it had resulted in a tumble into the stuff . Shoes had never again been part of the journey . Toadie caught sight of his shadow slanting across the stones and realized he 'd lost more time than he could afford to . If he was going to get Gwen back home before dark , he would need to get a move on . So he did a thing he 'd never done before . He charged across the rest of the bog , heedless of where he put his feet , and only stopping when the bursts were large enough to reach Gwen 's feet , which hung somewhere around his knees . The result of his speed was a happy Gwen and a thick coating of slime on his legs from his feet up to the middle of his calves . He put Gwen down and headed for the spring as fast as he could go , collecting grass , leaves and bugs on his sticky flesh . Gwen found a boulder , the one she always sat on , and dangled her clean toes in the unnaturally warm water while Toadie pulled out his pack of salt and started to work cleaning himself off . Already the mud was hardening into glue that tried to claim bits of his skin as he scrubbed . But the green skin was soon replaced by pink , raw but cleaner than it had been in weeks . " You have very nice calves , " Gwen said , and Toadie yanked his pant legs down to hide them . What a thing to say ! He never said anything about her calves , and he 'd had a mind to more than once . But it wasn 't proper . She should know that . But she was Gwen . And Gwen knew only what she saw , and even that was wrong more often than not . He wondered if she was wrong about his legs , but only long enough for his cheeks to burn . She leapt from her perch with no concern for where her feet would land , because of course , they would land in the air , which they did . And Toadie set her on the ground and offered her his hip so she 'd hook the loop that would put her beside him , not behind him . The next part of the journey would be simple and difficult at the same time - a climb up steps chiseled into the side of the mountain . Steps you 'd never find unless you knew where to look . It was a trip straight up , which was one of the reasons it was traveled only by the young and fit . Toadie let Gwen go up first . He stayed very close behind her for two reasons . First , so that he could catch her if she fell . And second , to avoid seeing up her dress , which she seemed not to know was a possibility . She was in good shape , but even for her , it was taxing . She stopped to rest more often than Toadie would have liked , but he didn 't complain . He just waited , shifting his weight from one leg to the other . Once they climbed higher than the tallest trees , the sun hit them full force . Gwen 's dress , which had long since dried from its dunking in the stream , began to show signs of the moisture being drawn out of her . Her breathing became labored , and her legs shook . Toadie prepared himself to catch her , but she didn 't fall . " Why don 't you stop for a second ? " he said , and she made a sound of disgust . One of the many things that confused him about her was this peculiar twist . She didn 't mind being weak when it was a choice . She even played it up a bit for attention , he was sure . But when real weakness reared its ugly head , she fought it . She wouldn 't stop if she thought Toadie was insinuating she needed to . So he put a different spin on it . Her feet quit moving , and she let a sigh escape . Toadie unhooked his canteen from his belt and handed it to her , and she took the first drink without arguing . But she left him enough and handed it back . He drank it down to half full and hung it back on his belt . She couldn 't see him without twisting enough to risk falling , so he didn 't bother to look relieved . She started moving again after only a couple minutes , but Toadie didn 't stop her . They really did need to hurry . He was sure her legs were going to give out before they reached the top , but she made it , if barely . She collapsed on the ledge and waited for Toadie to join her , so he sat down beside her and breathed a bit more heavily than he needed to . Another drink , another couple minutes of rest , and they were on their way again . The rest of the journey was an easy walk around the side of the mountain . The path was too narrow for them to walk side by side , so Toadie took the lead . But it frightened him , not seeing Gwen or even hearing her , so he switched places with her and watched her back . She trailed her fingers along the side of the mountain , which Toadie encouraged , because it kept her close to the mountain and far from the cliff . But more than once , she let her fingers slip inside a crevice as she passed , heedless of what might be lurking inside . But she didn 't stop doing it , though she tried for a few minutes . It simply wasn 't in her nature to pay attention . Or to learn from her mistakes , apparently , because the first bite she 'd ever received had come from something inside one of those very holes . Toadie had never even seen what bit her that time , because it had disappeared into the dark recess . He 'd sucked on it just the same . You could never be too cautious . Toadie started tapping on the mountainside with his knife , warning any critters living inside to step back . It must have worked , too , because nothing bit her . She stopped outside the entrance to the cave and let Toadie go ahead of her . The torches lit , and she became visible , a hunched creature with sallow skin and long black hair . The Oracle . She shuffled toward them , and with a wave of her hand , bid them come closer . " Is it July already ? " she asked . " Yes . I suppose it is , " the Oracle said . " Theodore and Gwendolyn . What have you brought me ? " She always called him Theodore , though she was the only one who ever did . It puzzled Toadie , since she was also the one who had given him his nickname . But he never asked why . It wasn 't a good question . Toadie pulled out the mushrooms and gave them to Gwen . Then he took his pouch from his belt and opened it . He took out his gift and placed it in the Oracle 's outstretched hand . " A toad , " she said . " And just in time , too . " The toad disappeared into a pocket on her cloak , and she held her hand out to Gwen . Gwen gave her the mushrooms . " Morels , " the Oracle said . She smelled them . " I have need of these often . Your gifts are sufficient . Come inside . " • December 18 , 2012 • 6 Comments I know it can be infuriating to hear people say they know how you feel . I didn 't like it much myself . But I 'm writing this because I DO know how you feel . I carried my pain around like a new part of my body . I didn 't heal . I just learned to move differently so I could keep it with me . It has taken me since September 22 , 2009 until this very month to finally decide I want to heal . And that 's only the first step . How can I lay my grief down after learning to live with it ? I 'll have to relearn how to move . I know how it feels to grieve longer than people think you should . I know how it feels to watch others celebrate and not be able to say what you want to , because others won 't understand or accept it . You put on a brave face . You say Merry Christmas , and you even mean it , because you don 't hate anyone for having joy . You 're just dying inside . You can wish for good things for other people without bothering to want them for yourself . You can convince yourself you shouldn 't find joy . Not when the one you love is gone . It feels too much like admitting you didn 't need that person . That you can live without them . And you lose sight of the truth , that the person you miss would never have wished this for you . You tell yourself it 's enough to get up and get through your day . You can live without laughter , you can even love other people . But no one can compete with what you lost . You fail to see that any one of the people around you could have easily been the one you lost . Would you carry that burden around and lose sight of your love for the one you really did lose , had you not lost them ? Imagine for a moment that she 's still here . That he 's still here . But something else has crushed your spirit , and you don 't recognize the gift . That 's what the people who love you are . They 're the gift you don 't see . Grief is a blindfold . It 's a destroyer of perspective . What used to be a hole inside you has filled up with things , but they 're not the right things . They make your burden heavier , and they block the way out . Nothing tastes good , music only brings pain , you don 't even care that people can see how far you 've fallen into despair . You may still know God loves you , but that doesn 't even help . You 've stopped listening to anything positive . You see something good , and it pulls at your heart , but you shove it away . No more tears . You 're sick of it . You want to hit someone , something , yourself . You want it to stop . But you 're holding onto it as if laying it down means giving up the dream that you can make it not real . Sometimes you let yourself pretend you really can make it not real . It doesn 't make sense , after all . How can it be true ? But it is true . You lost something . Someone . And there is no time limit on pain . I can 't take your pain from you any more than I could take it from myself . And no matter what I say or how hard I beg you to listen , I can 't even make you want to heal . But I can love you . And I do . I love you . So do the other people in your life , but they just don 't know what to say . Remember that when you feel yourself slipping . I know how hopeless it can feel . I know it because I felt it . But I laid my burden down , and I pray you will , too . • December 17 , 2012 • 2 Comments I had an idea a few days ago that if I decided to write something here before the holidays were over , it would be about the holidays . An obvious assumption . Then came Friday . I told myself I wouldn 't write anything about it . Everyone would be writing about it , and I doubted I 'd have anything significant to add . Nothing that hasn 't been said already , posted and re - posted on facebook . And most of all , the one thing I wouldn 't say … I homeschool my children . I talk about it often , because it 's my life . But when so many people were mourning the loss of their children , I couldn 't mention it . But of course , it was on my mind . I gave it some heavy thought , because I didn 't want to say anything insensitive . And what I realized was something I already knew but perhaps had forgotten . I don 't homeschool my children because I want to shelter them from school shootings . That has never been my reason . And if it was my reason , then I would have to question my ability to use reason in the first place . Evil isn 't only visiting our schools . You don 't even need to do research to hear of other incidents that have happened recently . They 're being discussed on the news , too . If you keep your children home from school to avoid violence , you 'll need to also keep them from malls , restaurants and movie theatres . You might want to consider not staying home as well , because home invasions can be fatal . So am I saying I 'm no longer an advocate for homeschooling ? No way ! But I 'm also an advocate for public schooling . I 'm an advocate for our teachers . One of the most heartfelt pieces I 've ever written here was written about one of my former teachers , a man I love as if he were family . He 's a man , who like so many other teachers , would have put himself between his students and danger if need arose . I 've seen too many posts and articles written by homeschooling parents that seem to say what we do is better , that we 're right and the parents who send their children to school are wrong . And I want to shout that we 're not all that way . Some of us see both sides . Some of us have respect for the system we 've chosen not to use . Or if not the system itself , then the people who breathe life into it . This fall , when my family was on vacation , we met a man who wanted someone to take a photo of him and his wife . He had a nice camera , similar to mine , but with one difference . Mine is a Canon , and his is a Nikon . If you 're into photography , you know where I 'm going . I giggled when he placed his camera in my hands . My Canon hung heavy around my neck , and he glanced at it and chuckled . He pretended to take his camera away from me . " No , I 'll just sterilize my hands really well when I 'm done , " I teased back . I took the pictures and gave him back his unharmed camera , and we talked for a moment about the Nikon / Canon debate . I find it amusing that such a debate exists . One is not better than the other . In fact , they just keep outdoing one another . That 's the way technology works . And at the end of the day , the superior camera doesn 't win anyway . The superior photographer does . It 's the same with education . Whether or not my decision to homeschool will benefit my children is dependent upon me , the teacher . Homeschooling vs . public schooling is a silly debate . One is not better than the other . It is an individual decision , and it is different for each of us . And protecting my children from madness may be as difficult for me as it is for any parent who watches her children board a school bus . Would I want to be there to shelter my child if someone pointed a gun at him ? Yes . Of course I would . But in my absence , I could only hope to have someone else there , someone who would put herself in danger to protect a child who was not her own . Top Posts & Pages I know how you feel . . . I 'd Rather Be Writing Sam and Millie For the Teachers The Uninvited Guest The Fishing Pablo Character Inspiration Thirty - Five Chapter One of Toadie and Gwen NaNo ! Rachel McMahon Rachel McMahon Facebook My photography business Wordpress View Full Profile → Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . Rachel McMahon Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . Send to Email Address

The other day , a mere couple of blocks from home in my affluent neighborhood , I was shocked to see two people curled up in a doorway . So covered in blankets and rags , they almost escaped my notice . Every week there are new people trolling the streets , their shopping carts piled high with recyclables . What kind of country are we becoming , really ? I have moments of cynicism when I wonder how much good any one of us can do , when it feels like the world is broken beyond repair . What will it take to make our world better ? What is required of us as human beings ? How do we rise to the challenge , day after day after day ? I struggle with my own brokenness as well . Miserliness was etched into my DNA long before I had anything to say about it . It 's not a fatal mutation ; I see that now . And it needn 't keep me from living a full and generous life , although that will always be hard work . I have found a way to make a difference . For me . For now . Every time I surprise a stranger with a gift , I look them in the eye and promise wordlessly to shoulder a tiny fraction of their burden . Whatever they 'll give me for $ 100 . Sometimes I get more than I paid for , which I normally would consider a real bargain . Posted by Jill Ginsberg under Giving | Tags : angels , connection , courage , family , Giving , mother | [ 22 ] Comments I love Christmas , I really do . I love that all the stores are closed and there isn 't anywhere to go . I love that the phone probably won 't ring . In the unlikely event the doorbell chimes , it will be a crafty friend with cookies or other homemade goodies . I understand the deep significance of the holiday for those who celebrate it and mean no disrespect . As a Jew , Christmas for me means a nice day off and sometimes Chinese food and a movie . We never celebrated Christmas when I was a child and I have never hung an ornament . I think the lights are pretty but I would probably be one of those people that left them up all year round out of sheer laziness . There 's a book I 've had my eye on at Powell 's : Rambam 's Ladder , A Meditation on Generosity and Why it is Necessary to Give , by Julie Salamon . A few months into this adventure , I still have a lot to learn about generosity and giving . I forgot that I would not be the only person happy to get out of the house today . The streets downtown were teeming , and people had that wistful post - holiday daze about them . As I approached Powell 's , I saw a young woman crouched over on the traffic island across the street . I couldn 't really make it out , but it looked like she had some paper or a drawing pad on her lap . People were streaming by in all directions . No one looked at her and she didn 't look up . I decided to try my luck at finding a parking place and then see if she was still there . A spot opened up halfway down the block , which was amazing . After I parked I went back to the corner . There she was , still hunkered down practically into a ball . People and cars passed without seeming to notice her . I stood watching and it seemed to take forever for the light to change . When I finally got across the street , I went over and tried to peek over her shoulder to see what was on the yellow paper in her lap . I was hoping to see an artist 's rendition of the surrounding landscape . Instead , I caught a glimpse of a few words . My heart sank . " Hey , how ya doing ? " I asked . " Oh , I 'm okay , " she said cheerlessly . " What 's the matter ? " I asked her . " Oh , I 'm just trying to make this sign with this dumb pen . " She straightened up just enough for me to see what was in her lap : a sign with block letters that said " Lost My Job . Couldn 't Pay Rent . " She held the ballpoint pen out and said she was trying to fill in the outline of the letters to make it more visible . " It 's taking forever with this . " It was cold outside and starting to drizzle . The young woman looked 17 , maybe 18 . I asked her what was going on and she told me that she had lost her job as a house cleaner and had split up with her boyfriend . She couldn 't afford the rent for their small apartment on her own and got kicked out . She told me that the women 's shelters were only for pregnant women or domestic violence victims , and she had nowhere to go . I was somewhat surprised to hear myself say , " How about you let me get you something hot to drink ? " There was a pause and then she said , " Okay . If you want to . Actually , I don 't want to give up this spot . I just got here and someone else will take this spot if I leave . A lot of people walk by here . " " C ' mon , " I urged . " Let 's go inside for a bit . Maybe we can get you a better pen in the bookstore . " It really wasn 't hard to convince her . She got up and we crossed the street together . It crossed my mind that I hoped she wasn 't always so trusting . The bookstore was absolutely packed , a madhouse . On our way to the café we passed one of the information desks and I saw a Sharpie sitting on the counter . " Do you sell pens like this here ? " I asked . No , they didn 't , but the employee offered to let us use it while we were in the store . " Just make sure you bring it back . " I asked her name ; it was Lauren . When we got to the café I told her to pick out whatever she wanted to eat . They were out of sandwiches but there were pastries in the case , and bagels . " Maybe I 'll get a scone . What do you think looks good ? " she asked me . She settled on a lemon scone and hot chocolate . I sent her to find a seat while I waited in the long line to pay . I wasn 't sure I would even be able to find her again . It was crowded and I had barely seen her face . But there she was : a small woman sitting by the window , hunched over her paper . I asked for extra whipped cream on her hot chocolate and I got one without . She was saving the seat next to me with her bag . As she moved it to make room she said , " I had a real nice backpack but I gave it to my friend . He really needed it . " We sat together and her story came rolling out as she worked on her sign . She was 21 and had been doing okay until her hours got cut back at work . Her mother lives nearby , in Beaverton , but recently remarried " someone weird " . She 's not welcome in their home and doesn 't even know their address . Her Dad lives in San Francisco . She was hoping to get the money together to take the bus to California ; in addition to her Dad she has other family and friends there . " At least I 'd have some options . " She was wearing a lightweight black coat over a blue sweatshirt , the dirty cuffs sticking out and partially covering over her hands . I tried not to stare , noticing dirty nails and chipped dark blue nail polish . She was intent on her task . " If I say ' Looking for a room ' do you think they 'll know what that means ? It 's a lot easier than writing ' Looking for a place to stay ' . I said I thought that sounded fine , flashing back to sitting with my kids while they did their homework . There were two women sitting next to me , a stack of GRE study manuals on the counter in front of them . Their lighthearted banter stood in heartbreaking contrast to Lauren 's grim narrative . " 25 Math Concepts You Absolutely Must Know . Okay , check this out . The area of a triangle , the volume of a cylinder . ' The complete arc of a circle is 360º . ' Hey , I knew that one ! " The women were laughing about how much smarter they used to be when they were in high school . Lauren was telling me that her new stepfather didn 't want to see her for at least two years , and then only if she was in school or steadily employed . " It 's not like I want to throw my life away . " She continued slowly filling in the letters on the sign . I asked her what she did yesterday , on Christmas . " Nothing . I really didn 't do anything , " she said sadly . I decided it was time to go and told Lauren I was going to take off . I had a C - note folded up in my pocket and I held it out to her . " I hope this helps out a little . Take care of yourself . " " Oh , thank you ! Are you sure ? " she asked . " Yeah , " I said . " Look at it . " She opened the bill and let out a gasp . " Are you sure ? " she asked again . For the first time , she looked at me full on , relief flooding her features . Her eyes sparkled with intelligence and a flash of optimism . I saw how pretty she was behind the piercings , dirty hair and guardedness . " I think I 'm just going to go right to the bus station and see if I have enough for a ticket to San Francisco . I could be there tomorrow ! " She reached out and pulled me into a hug , saying " No one has ever helped me out like this before . " I told her she was smart and beautiful and I just knew things would work out for her . On the way out , I passed by the employee who had lent us the pen . " She 'll bring it back soon , " I promised . He shrugged . " We 'll see . " " I 'm sure she will , " I insisted . Now I think maybe she held onto it as a reminder of the strange and wonderful thing that happened today . I kind of hope she did . Posted by Jill Ginsberg under Giving | Tags : connection , Giving , hope | [ 9 ] Comments A gift of a fresh loaf of homemade bread got today off to a perfect start . The morning 's blue sky gradually surrendered to the usual gray . It was cold and windy but not raining , so I decided to walk to the library . I 'm reading a terrific book right now , called Keep the Change by Steve Dublanica . It 's all about tipping , generosity and human connection . I know what my # 1 New Year 's resolution will be . Maybe you can guess . I had a couple of books to pick up and also a C - note to give away . I 'd been carrying it around all week . On the way to the library , I passed my favorite bakery and looked longingly inside . No time for self - indulgence . I was on a mission . Sam 's ( Good Food and Drink ) is on the next corner , and I glanced inside . I 've only been inside once ; it 's a real old fashioned bar and grill . It was about lunchtime , and the place was pretty busy . There was a woman sitting at a table by the window , reading a book . She had a cup of black coffee in front of her . I wondered what it would be like to slide into a chair across from her , but I kept going . I took a peek in the laundromat before heading to the library . That could be a sad place to spend a Sunday and I liked the idea of brightening someone 's day . A woman and her daughter were talking quietly . I heard the girl say , " Maybe we 'll just do less drying time . " My ears perked up . Could it be they didn 't have enough money to finish their wash ? How horrible would that be to have to lug home half - dry clothes ? The mother went out to smoke a cigarette and I sidled up to the girl . " Laundry day , hunh ? " " Yeah , our washer is broken , " she said . " And the dryer here takes forever . " Through the window I could see her mom out front , keeping an eye on the situation while she finished her smoke . I kept a polite distance from the girl , who looked about 10 . She was pointedly avoiding my gaze . " You 're right to be careful about talking to strangers . " She looked down at her shoes and started muttering , " Stranger danger , stranger danger . " It was really creepy . I went outside and talked with the girl 's mom for a minute so she would know I wasn 't up to trouble . Part of me wanted to show them that strangers can be wonderful , but I worried that my actions would be misinterpreted . The enthusiasm drained away and I took off . On the way home I passed by Sam 's again and the woman with the book was still there . I decided to go in . The door weighs a ton and , arms full of books , I had to struggle to get it open . I stepped into the dark entryway . The dimly lit bar to my left was empty . On the other side , light was flooding in through the windows and the occupied tables were abuzz with animated conversation . The woman was sitting by herself , her book open in front of her and her coffee cup almost empty . I walked over to her table and asked the woman if I could talk with her for a minute . " Sure , " she said . I noticed that the book was in large print . I sat down across from her as a waitress came over and put down a knife and fork in front of me . " Can I get you something to drink ? " she asked . " Oh , no thanks . I 'm just going to sit for a minute , " I explained . The woman was watching me , unfazed . I introduced myself and said a few dumb things about the weather . Then I told her that I had a gift for her for the holidays , that I figured she could use it . I slid the folded up bill across the table . " Oh , no , " she said . Her eyes filled with tears . " Why would you do that ? " I explained that I was honoring my mother and trying to rid myself of some wrong - headed ideas about money . And hoping to help some people at the same time . I asked her name . She said her name was Sharon . I could see she was struggling to keep her emotions in check and wasn 't going to share any more . The bill was still on the table , her hand on top of it . As I got up she said , " Just know it makes a really big difference . Merry Christmas . And God bless you . " Posted by Jill Ginsberg under Giving | Tags : connection , Giving , Inspiration , secret santa , shopping | [ 20 ] Comments I was thinking about Gloria from Day 13 today , how she said you never know what gifts or burdens other people are carrying . That seems especially true this time of year . Yesterday 's story about Secret Santas in Charlotte , NC really tickled me . 100 people got surprised with $ 100 ! And a lot of people who appear to be happy - or feel like they should be - simply aren 't . As a Jew , I have always been baffled by the whole Santa Claus concept . So , I am certainly no expert . But it seems like all that jolliness must be exhausting . Not to mention all the shopping , decorating , and entertaining . Oy . I got out for a walk today and was thinking about some of the comments I 've gotten on the blog . I was thinking about what it means to connect with others and what makes it so difficult . And what it means to make the world better and how that happens . All kinds of heady stuff . I wanted to see if Carrie was at her post near the Goodwill . I wanted to check on her and , at the same time , it was very cold out and I knew it would break my heart to see her sitting on the corner wrapped in her dirty blanket . Carrie wasn 't there . Goodwill was hopping , though . Every aisle was crowded with shoppers . Two women were browsing through the blouses , holding up one after the other . " This is CUTE . You should try this on . Wait , Lauren Golf ? Is this for golf ? " A man looking at the kitchenware got a call on his cellphone . " Hi . Oh , I don 't know . I usually hold it up there for , like , five seconds . Four or five . " I pretended to look at the mugs for sale ; I really wanted to know what he was talking about but he ended the call and I got no more clues . I caught sight of a large woman in a tattered orange windbreaker and a colorful headscarf . She was carrying a plastic shopping bag through which I could see a 4 - pack of toilet paper . She was heading out and we ended up almost bumping into each other on our way through the door . There was a kind of stoic resolve in the way she set off down the street that pulled at my heart , and I found myself walking beside her . " How you doing today ? " I asked her . " Oh , I 'm alright , " she said , somewhat wearily . We made some more small talk and then I took the plunge . I don 't really know why , but I told her I was practicing to be a secret Santa ! And that I was Jewish . " Well , that 's a little strange , " she said . But she gave me an encouraging smile so I carried on . I handed her the folded up bill and she took it gratefully , avoiding looking at it . " Oh , thank you so much ! " I said how it seems most everyone can use a little help these days . She had just moved back after being away for a few years and said she needed some stuff for her place , pots and pans and things . I encouraged her to look at the bill and she took a little peek . " Oh , praise the Lord ! " she cried out . I said maybe she would do something nice for herself , at least with some of the money . " The way I do it , " she said , " is I make a list . Of all that I need . That 's how I do it . " I asked what was on her list and she said " Oh , I need a new coat . And some boots . I have layers on here . See this ? This coat isn 't warm at all . " I said that sounded like a good idea . " Do you know where I can get a coat ? " she asked me . " I 've only been to , like , the Dollar Store and the grocery store . And the Goodwill . " We were a few blocks from the shopping mall and could see Marshall 's from where we were standing . " Well , you could go to the mall , " I suggested . " Maybe someplace like Sears . " " I should go there right now , " she said . " While I still have the money . " I asked if I could walk with her a ways and she said she was happy for the company . She wasn 't in a rush to get back to her apartment . Why ? I asked . Well , if she 's alone at home all she wants to do is eat . She 's trying to be healthier , walk more and eat less snacks . I asked her name and she said she 's called Thelma . She seemed somehow uncertain and I asked if she would like me to help her find a coat . She said she would really like that , since she didn 't know too much about shopping at the mall . On the way she told me about her four kids and 17 grandkids , and how she 's on disability for arthritis and fibromyalgia . She volunteers three days a week at a school helping third graders with their reading . Finding a coat took a while . The first three stores we went to didn 't have anything in Thelma 's size . A couple of times she suggested " you just pick one out for me . " I could feel her flagging a bit , and the crowds were getting to both of us . I hoped we could find something at Macy 's but knew it would probably bust her budget . There was one rack of plus - size coats at Macy 's , including some nice warm hooded ones like she said she wanted . She tried on a red one and then the same thing in purple . " You pick . Which one should I get ? " I said I liked the red one on her . She looked at the price tag . It was $ 99 . 98 , more than she had ever spent on any item of clothing . " Well , that 'll be my whole … well , that 's okay . I 'm so happy to have it ! " I snatched the coat from her hands and started for the register . " I want you to keep that money . I 'll get this . " She was so appreciative . She asked me what I do - " you know , when you 're not out following people ! " I told her I was a doctor and we talked for a while more . We were getting ready to say goodbye and I told her I was hoping to see her out walking in her warm coat . " No excuse now ! " I joked . She gave me a big Thelma hug . " Oh , you 'll see me sometime , " she said with a smile . Then , " I 'm not going to call you Santa Claus . You know what you are ? You 're a blessing . " I was at Safeway down on Broadway near the Dollar Tree with a C - note in my pocket . After I paid , I saw a man standing in front of the lottery ticket dispenser . He was rifling through his wallet . " You ever have any luck ? " I asked . " Yeah , every once in a while , " he said . " One time I hit one for forty eight thousand ! Forty eight thousand five hundred and twenty . " " Wow ! What 'd you do with the money ? " I asked him . " Oh , I have five children and 100 grandchildren , " he said , rather bitterly . " That 's where most of that went . " I wished him luck and headed out . It had started to rain by the time I left the store . I thought of Frank from Day 27 and listened for his harmonica as I crossed the walkway . I would have loved to see him but hoped he was at home , warm and dry , rather than outside selling his newspapers . I was dressed for the weather but still felt the sting of the windblown drizzle on my cheeks . The sky was white as chalk . I stopped for a minute under the Dollar Tree awning . No Frank . I was trying to decide whether I would wait for the bus or set off walking home . I had a scarf around my head and was all bundled up in an old coat . Just another gray - haired lady trying to stay warm . A handsome young store employee was standing inside . He gestured for me to come in , then opened the door and held it wide . " Come on in ! " he encouraged . " It 's awful chilly outside ! " I didn 't need anything from the Dollar Store , but couldn 't resist the warm invitation . His name tag said " Tyrone " . I stepped inside the store and teased him a little . " I didn 't really want to come in . but I couldn 't resist you ! " He laughed and said that Dollar Tree was paying him to be a greeter . " Can you believe it ? ! A greeter ! At Dollar Tree ! " He said he loved to surprise people with friendliness and respect . Especially if they have problems , and if they just need to talk . We settled into a comfortable exchange and he told me had been in Portland for 18 months . He had been running with the wrong crowd in Pasadena and one day realized he had to turn things around . He left his old life behind and arrived in downtown Portland on the Greyhound , penniless . Everywhere he turned , people reached out to help him . He got a shelter bed , then a job , then another job , then an apartment . A steady stream of customers came through the door . One woman had a couple of plastic bags in her hands . " Excuse me , ma ' am . You have to put your bags into the locker while you shop . " " Does it cost money ? " she asked . Tyrone responded in his easy - going manner . " You put a quarter in to lock it , and you 'll get your quarter back when you return the key . And , if you don 't have a quarter , I 'm here . I 'll keep an eye on it . " One man came in and shook Tyrone 's hand like an old friend . He stopped a few more people carrying bags and politely asked them to use the lockers . He told me he is so grateful for his present life that he sometimes breaks down and cries while he is preparing his lunch for work . " I can 't help it ! My life is just so good now . " He said someone told him once that you can make any situation better by putting love into it and he is starting to think that 's true . " I wish I 'd learned these lessons earlier . You just gotta do the next right thing . Simple . That 's all . " I asked Tyrone if he would get in trouble if I gave him something . " Yeah , maybe . I don 't know . I think they worry more about money , like they don 't want us to be taking no tips . Really ? Tips ? Ha ! " His good - humored laugh took any sting out of the words . I told him I wanted to give him something , but it wasn 't a tip , it was just a gift for the holidays . " It 's legit , " I said . " But I don 't want to get you in trouble . " I gave him the C - note and he slipped it into his pocket . " Oh , thank you so much . " He turned away , fighting back emotion . " Look , " I said . " If anyone asks about it , they can check it out . I 'll write down my name . " He wrote down his email address and I said I would send him the picture . I patted at my hair , laughing about a chunk that I could see sticking up in the photo . " It 's down now , " he said , smiling . We shook hands . I stepped back outside into the drizzle . Somehow , it didn 't feel cold at all . The guy I had seen at the lottery ticket machine was at the bus stop . " Any luck ? " I asked . " Nope , not today , " he said . " Maybe next time , " I offered . " Yeah . Maybe next time . " Posted by Jill Ginsberg under Giving | Tags : blindness , connection , courage , curiosity , family , Giving , Inspiration , Month of hundreds | [ 27 ] Comments I guess I was just born nosy , because I can 't ever remember a time when I didn 't like grilling people with questions . Maybe it 's simple curiosity , but I seem to have a greater tendency and need to pry than most . This serves me well in my work as a physician , which is really all about stories and getting to the bottom of things . Having the intention of giving away $ 100 really opened up this part of me ; I became like a question machine . It was a natural part of the giving process but moreso a by - product of feeling more aware and connected . I am simply amazed at how willing people are to share personal information with a total stranger . That 's what happened today . I was back at good old Fred Meyer , along with most everyone in the neighborhood . There was a C - note tucked in my pocket . I had stuff to pick up from all over the store , so I covered some ground . I saw the cashier woman from Day 31 and was happy to see that she seemed to be in a better mood . I said hello to a few people I knew as I worked my way through my list . I was inexplicably browsing through the oral health supplies when I spotted a young girl with a white cane . She appeared to be about 14 and was holding on to a slightly older kid 's arm . Every so often he would stop and she would feel her way along the shelves . " What is this ? " I heard her ask . " It 's candy . And gum and stuff . " Seems like I went around the store in circles a few times but I finally grabbed my last item , a bottle of canola oil . A few yards down was the blind girl . She was standing in front of the packaged pudding , the boy standing somewhat protectively at her side . A woman was behind them , giving her directions . " Look to the … I mean , feel to the left . No , I mean the right . That 's Jello . " " It 's already cooked ? " asked the girl . The woman had a shopping cart full of packaged food . She was in her 60s , had a soft round face and short spiky hair . She saw me looking at her and smiled . She took a few lurching steps and I noticed that one of her legs was about four inches shorter than the other . The kids came over and they all conferred quietly . A large man joined them and I realized he was part of the family too . I stood there and pretended to compare the prices of brown sugar . Lots of people were coming and going . Finally the five of us were alone in the aisle and I wheeled my cart next to theirs . I said hello to the woman , who fixed me with a friendly and open gaze . " Is this your family ? " I asked her . " Yes , we drove up from Medford . " She cocked her head toward the girl . " She 's going to the School for the Blind . So we 're getting stuff to get her cupboards set up . You know , stuff she doesn 't have to cook very much . It 'll be the first time she 's been on her own . " I looked at the small girl standing next to me . " How old are you ? " I asked . " I 'm eighteen , " she said , her eyelids fluttering . We stood there chatting for a while as if we were old friends . I felt the cocoon of love , pride and concern that was surrounding this brave girl . I flashed back to the emotion of dropping my own son off at college not long ago . " I 'd like you to have this . For good luck . " I tucked the bill into the woman 's hand . She looked at it and then at me . " Are you sure ? Are you sure ? ? " I smiled and said I was . The woman reached out and pulled me into a big hug . She pressed her soft cheek against mine in a tender and surprisingly intimate gesture . Then she whispered into my ear , " Thank you . I 'll give it to my granddaughter . " She left a damp spot on my cheek when she finally pulled away . " What is it , Grandma ? " asked the girl . " It 's some money , sweetie . " The woman thanked me , her eyes glistening . I said goodbye and turned to go . I 'll never be sure what she meant but as I pushed off toward the checkout stand I heard the girl say , " Grandma ? I told you I could see with my heart . " I spent the weekend in Boston , where Elijah is attending college . We had a great visit and talked , among other things , about my verifiable history as a cheapskate . He told me how the Oregonian reporter had called and asked if he could give her some examples of my cheapness . He apparently had no problem coming up with a slew , and reminded me about the time I drove around the block waiting for the guys at Jiffy Lube to put out their " $ 10 Off " sign . Stuff like that . I am very glad to see that my kids are both sensible and generous without having absorbed any of my bizarre relationship to money . The streets were positively teeming with people ; scads of tourists as well as lots of folks who looked pretty down on their luck . It was chilly out , though nothing like it will be in a month or two . I saw people curled up in doorways , huddled in sleeping bags and sometimes under a sheet of cardboard . On Saturday morning I went to get coffee at Borders and was doing some browsing when I noticed a well dressed man sitting in a comfy chair . He was sitting up straight with his eyes closed and appeared to be sound asleep . I watched him out of the corner of my eye as I thumbed through a book about the back roads of Ireland . After a few minutes a store employee approached . He didn 't say a word , just grabbed the back of the guy 's chair and lifted it up . Then he let it bounce , hard . " Hey ! Get up ! " he barked . The sleeper 's eyes opened ; he was now dazed yet alert . The employee told him to leave , then stood there staring him down . I found this scene very upsetting and impulsively stepped to the guy 's side . " Have you read this book ? " I asked him . I guess I wanted the employee to know whose side I would be on if it came down to it . The sleeper looked at me somewhat blankly and said , " No , I haven 't read that one . " Then he stood up and left . I went to tell the employee what I thought of the situation and found him standing behind the counter . I understand that they don 't want the store used as a hotel , but the guy wasn 't bothering anyone and I didn 't see the need to be rude and disrespectful . He told me they had been trying to wake the guy up for a while ( really ? ) and were about to call an ambulance . " And " , he preached , " These people generally don 't want an ambulance called . " I put the books I had selected back and left without buying anything . When I got to the airport today I still had the C - note in my pocket . I had plenty of time and a long flight ahead . It felt good to stretch my legs so I wandered around for a bit . I passed a shoe shine stand and was offered a shine . My suede boots were not a good candidate but I stopped to chat for a while . The shoe shine man asked me where I was going and told me he was headed for Berlin tomorrow ; he 's lived there on and off since he married a German woman in 1977 . His wife doesn 't like living in the US , although they tried to make a go of it . He has a second job with the airlines so he flies for free and goes back and forth every few months . My mother was from Berlin , I told him . " You 're German , then ! That 's what I tell my kids ! Don 't deny your heritage ! Just because you 're American doesn 't mean you 're not German , too ! " He told me his name was " Brown , like the color . " A man came to get his shoes shined and Mr . Brown turned away and got to work . I walked around a little more and thought a lot about Mr . Brown . He was going to Berlin ? Tomorrow ? It seemed such an unlikely coincidence . And he didn 't strike me as an international traveler . But there I go again with my assumptions . Berlin is the city from which my mother fled as a young woman and never returned . The city where her wealthy parents had their business and all their property confiscated by the Nazis . I 've never visited and never wanted to . Berlin seems … scary somehow . I turned back and went to find Mr . Brown . I told him I had a favor to ask him . A bit warily , he said sure , what was it ? I explained about my mother 's family and that they had been largely ruined by the Nazis . How my mother had left some of her fear planted deep within me . And that she had died not long ago . He nodded with understanding and watched me carefully . I handed him the C - note . " It would mean a lot to me if you would take this with you to Berlin and do something good with it . " His eyes lit up . " Oh , wow ! Yes , ma ' am ! Yes , I certainly will ! " He wanted some ideas for what I had in mind so we talked about some possibilities . " There 's no homeless there , you know , " he reminded me . " Germany has got it going on ; they know how to run a country ! " Then he said , " OK , I get it ! You 're blessing me and I 'll put a blessing on someone over there . " Then , " I 'll be thinking about you the whole time ! " I thanked him and we shook hands . He pulled a guy over to snap our photo then laughed at how small I looked . " At least I have a nice smile , " he said . He gave me all his phone numbers . In case I want to talk some time . And I really should make it over there . Berlin is a beautiful city , he said . With beautiful people .

So I am attempting to raise my debt ceiling . I have excellent credit - - I 'm a very responsible person . I have lots of equity in my house even though no one wants to buy it for what I consider to be a fair market price . The house could fall down and the land would still be worth more than I want to borrow on it . First the bank said that my income was not enough . That didn 't make any sense , because the monthly payment would actually be less ( refinancing to a much lower rate and restarting that 30 year clock ) . They said that they figure out the very highest payment that I would have to pay after the rate is adjustable and assuming that I have to pay penalties , etc . Ok , how much am I too low ? Before they can answer that question , they change their mind . Hmmm . Next they said that there was a problem with the appraisal . I thought , ok , my house didn 't sell , the appraisal is really low , but no , the appraisal shows that my loan to value ratio is 35 - 65 . It only needs to be 20 - 80 and they advertise that they will loan as much as 10 - 90 . So I 'm confused . What 's wrong with the appraisal . The house needs a new roof and a heater in the living room , they say . I know , I say - - that 's why I need a loan . Well those things have to be fixed . Well I can 't fix them until you loan me money . Hmmm . The next day , the bank calls and says , good news , just give us estimates for the work and we 'll give you the loan . Estimates , I say , what 's to stop me from just keeping the money ? Hmmm . We just need to see the estimates . Ok . I ask the roofer to give me an estimate . He gave me one two years ago and told me that my roof still had two more years in it . He 'd be happy to come out next wednesday . Don 't you have anything sooner I ask ? How about tuesday . Ok . The heating guy said that someone from the office would call me to set up a time . The roofer 's secretary is on vacation . He doesn 't know how to send me a fax . He put it in upside down , so I never got the blank piece of paper he sent . The heating guy 's secretary never called me so I called her on Wednesday . They couldn 't come until next week sometime . I 'm trying not to care . The bank said even with the estimates , it 's going to take three weeks to close . This is already three weeks after I put in the application . I had to wait three weeks to put in the application so that my listing agreement would expire first . The bank called me on friday . My loan is ready to close now as soon as I have the estimates . I knew they should want to loan me money . I am like the poster child of good risk - - guarenteed return . I call the roofer and explain how to send a fax . After a few tries he gets it . I call a different heating guy and luckily they can come out the same day . He wouldn 't write an estimate on the spot , so I expect it Monday . It is Wednesday and I don 't have it yet . I listen to the news about America 's debt ceiling . I think that if it doesn 't get raised and bad things happen , my mild annoyance at tea party conservatives is going to escalate exponetially . I wonder if they feel the same way about me . This is how civil wars get started . An expert from Harvard advised the President to simply take the matter away from congress like Lincoln did . I 'm not the first person to have this idea . When I first saw the price tag from the Iraq and Afganistan wars , I thought - - this is not in the budget , we cannot afford this . When my taxes did not rise to help pay for WAR , I thought , this is not good . This is not fiscally sound . If I have a huge expense , I make some new provision to take care of it . I understood the stimulus program ( presented by Bush ) . A soft landing and not mass starvation . What I don 't understand is how we can expect to pay out these huge amounts ( past tense - - the money is already spent ) and not expect to pay for it . Conservatives are opposed to closing tax loopholes ? [ Realtors in my City all drive Hummers because they get a very large tax incentive for owning a vehicle with an axil the size of a tractor - - it is cheaper for them to buy a Hummer ( with its horrible gas mileage ) , then to buy a more responsible vehicle - - that 's an example of a tax loop hole . ] The every person is supposed to be opposed to raising income taxes on the super rich ? If I am willing to pay my bills ( my country really did spend the money - - I owe it and so do you ) , then why are we being held hostage by an angry few ? I am all for a balance budget ( except for emergencies - - I need a new roof and I can afford to pay for it over time - - that is the balance for me being a home owner which adds stability to the neighborhood , etc . - - otherwise , I can 't afford a house and we will all live in Potterville . ) But I am opposed to head in the sand , no compromise politics . I see people who have lost their jobs and can no longer pay their bills . It is scary . I don 't want that to be my country . Is the tea party conservative plan tGod Bless America and God Bless , President Obama . So yesterday my ipad just went blank . I tried holding down the button , I tried shaking it , I tried plugging it into the charger and then onto the computer . I tried holding down the button again and again . I let it sit for an hour and then tried again . I went on line ( first on my iphone , but I couldn 't read it because it was so small , so then I booted up my computer at home which I almost never use anymore ) . I went to Ask dot com , I went to Apple , I downloaded the 286 page manual from apple and went page by page ( why don 't they have a search box in their manual - - seems really dumb ) . I looked at the ipad for a long time trying to figure out if there was something else that I could plug in or press down to make it come on . Nothing worked . I went to bed pretty heartsick . I just started a really good book that I downloaded on my ipad . I almost went on e - reader to buy the book again on my iphone , but reason and common sense jumped in and talked me off the ledge . Today ( Friday ) was going to be a really crazy day and then two appointments cancelled . So as I drove to work ( I work next to the mall that has an apple store in it ) , I decided that I would go to the apple store first , before I started any part of my day . But it wasn 't 10 a . m . yet and they don 't open until 10 a . m . . So I started a very small project for my appointment at 11 : 30 . When I looked up it was 1 : 00 p . m . and my 11 : 30 appointment had just showed up . The small project turned into a large project and just kept getting more and more complicated . A meeting that I thought would only take 15 minutes took over an hour . And then I had two emergency things that I had to do immediately . It felt like a mountain of extriment had fallen on my and I was very mindful of the time slipping away over the next hours . I missed a self imposed deadline and although I am confident that there will be no direct fall out , I am still shell shocked from having so many things hit all at once so that I couldn 't get it done . [ My theory is that I have too much work for a person to complete without a better support staff , but in a recession , you don 't say no to any work and you don 't hire more support staff , but I digress . ] Meanwhile , I haven 't even stopped for lunch . I did get a call from my doctor - - there is a tiny chance I have cancer so she 'll need to do this incredibly gruesome test ( she described the test in minute detail over the phone as if hearing the word cancer in the sentence wasn 't awful enough ) . Don 't worry - - just an abnormality to be checked - - my luck - - it happens to me a lot . I think they see attorney and figure I 'm good for screwing with , but I digress . Next I get a call from the bank . I 'm trying to get an equity loan so that I can do some work on my house that no one wants to buy . It needs a new roof . I have plenty of equity , so this should be a no brainer . The bank says that they can 't give me a loan until I fix the roof . But I can 't fix the roof without the loan I point out nicely to the bank . That is a problem , I 'm told . So I 've had it with work and phone calls . My ipad doesn 't work , so I 'm going to the apple store . It 's a long walk through the mall , but I don 't care . I love my apple store . They 'll fix it . They have to fix it . It can 't be dead . I have no money . What if it really is dead . . . My heart is heavier and heavier as I get closer and closer to the store . I can 't have a new one . There is no budget for replacing a complete luxury item . I guess I could get a kindle . It is a lot cheaper . So 's going to the library . I 'm never getting an ice maker ( inside joke on me ) . I walk into the apple store and it is so crowded that there is not a single blue shirt not engaged with a customer . I walk all the way back to the genius bar . No one will make eye contact . I walk back to the front of the store . When a service person is finished with a customer , they go back to the front door to help people . I 'll just wait by the front door . I spot a customer that has two service people helping him and I walk toward them trying to make eye contact . A line forms . The extra service person turns to me . It is like someone turned on the sun , he smiles so brightly and welcomingly . I tell him my problem and he immediately shares my concern - - " oh no , " he says in a serious tone . " I don 't know what I 'd do if my ipad didn 't work . " " I know , " I say . Simpatico - - I 'm home . He holds down the sleep button . I 've tried that I tell him . He holds down the sleep button and the bottem button at the same time . I think I 've tried that but wait - - THE APPLE APPEARED ON THE SCREEN . I was so happy . This was opening presents on Christmas morning happy . This was seeing the ocean and being on vacation happy . This was a new Nora Roberts or John Grisham book happy . I love Apple . I love my ipad . That service guy is my new favorite person on the planet . I was finally able to sleep in until 5 a . m . , but it was my last day and I was supposed to leave in less than a half hour . No worries , I was all packed the night before and by 5 : 25 I was in the lobby with my last can of ice cold diet coke looking for a place to sit and wait for Adam . There was no place to sit down . What kind of a hotel has no place in their lobby to sit down . Oh , I could have walked down the two large stairs to their " waiting area " with big uncomfortable furniture , but I didn 't want to do that again to my knees . They had two chairs next to the desk and I could have tried to sit on those . But they were antiques and really low . Not chairs anyone would actually sit on . Clearly just for show for the brochure ( that really should have mentioned that no ice and no wireless thing ) . I was just trying to decide if I would chance sitting on my luggage , when Adam pulled up in front . [ He didn 't help me with my luggage - - that 's a bad sign - - he 's a very helpful guy . ] Did you get any sleep I asked him and he said a little , but clearly his " little " was as deceptive as his " few blocks " . Ok , I thought , just stay awake long enough to drive me to the airport and then you can go back to bed and sleep for days , but I didn 't say it out loud . I was already thinking ahead . Twenty minutes to drive to the airport . Fifteen minutes to return the rental car . That would get me to the reservation desk for the airport approximately four hours early . That 's my target now . I have to get a window seat . I focus on the window seat and try not to think about actually getting on the plane and staying there for 14 hours . I try to put that out of my mind completely . I 'm focused on the window seat plan . I 'm focused . Twenty minutes , Fifteen minutes , rental car . . . and then I looked at the gas tank gauge . " Didn 't you go get gas last night " I yell frantically to Adam . " No , " he says , " it was raining . " It 's raining now too . Suddenly my twenty minute , fifteen minute , four hour plan is unraveling like cheap yarn at the paws of a frisky kitten . And donLucky for Adam , we passed a gas station and I yelled ( in my no nonsense - - don 't forget who in charge - - voice ) pull in . He said , we can stop closer to the airport , but I gave him a very cool , don 't mess with me stare and he pulled in . It was a very nice gas station ( open all night luckily ) . I tried to switch gears to " I 'm on vacation - - this is the last time I 'll be seeing Adam for a while - - get back to the fun part " and asked Adam if I could get him anything from the little convenience store . " Milk , " he said sulking . He 's so tired I thought vowing silently to try not to sweat the small stuff . We 're getting gas . It 's taking no time at all . My plan is not ruined . Just don 't think about the 14 hour ordeal around the corner - - that corner is still plenty far away . Back on the road , we started seeing signs for the airport . We passed the intersection where I had told Adam to go right , meaning left - - good times . When we got to the airport , there were no signs for Thrifty car rental return , but we were able to go right back to where we picked up the car and we parked it there . We went into the terminal and back to the car rental counter . The same little kid was there . He said did you fill it with gas ? Yes . Ok , great . Here 's the key , we parked it back in the same spot . Ok . And that was it . The car was returned . It was 5 : 55 a . m . . I was there 4 hours and 15 minutes early . And the airline counter wouldn 't open until 7 a . m . I hate being early . I thought about being the first person in line ( no one was anywhere near the ticket counter ) , but I really wanted to sit down too . I tried to sit on my luggage - - not pretty - - did not work . So Adam and I found some seats where we could see the counter and make sure no one else got in line ahead of me . It was a long wait , but I was no longer anxious about the rental car and Adam was no longer enduring mean old Aunt Kathy yelling at him . We settled in to pleasant conversation . I 'm going to miss this kid . At 6 : 45 we started to see lots of activity at the counter - - all the agents were arriving to work . A couple with small children got in line and well , that 's just the sort of thing the universe does to lull you into complacency , so I jumped up and got in line too . Within seconds , there were six people in line behind me . Meanwhile , Adam is looking at me puzzled - - like did aliens just snatch my body or something - - one minute we are sitting nicely and talking and the next minute I 've turned into a mad person racing to be in line . There 's hardly nobody here he says - - there are more people behind the counter than there are in line . I try to let him put things into perspective , but my mind is singlely focused on getting a window seat . It is necessary for my very survival . As we wait in line I scope out the behind the counter people . There are all sorts of signs over their stations . There is a station for first class . There is a station for business elite . There is a station for domestic . None of the signs seem to be for me . I 've seen this movie before . It looks like there are lots of people to help you , but actually , the airline only has " peggy " ( that guy on the phone in siberia - - cute comercial ) to help me . I 'm flying economy . I have a bad feeling . Finally , a very pleasent , competent looking person calls me to their station . I hand her my ticket , I put my luggage on the scale ( did all those suveniers put me over the weight limit - - I worry about the weirdest things - - I bought four baby tee shirts , six magnets , some little boxes of butter cookies and some paintings on cloth . If they weighted six ounces , I 'd be surprised , but I 'm holding my breath to make sure that my luggage doesn 't exceed the weight limit ) . Anyway , the gal smiles at me very bright and says , ok , we 're all set and I remember ( how could I have let this go so long in the exchange ) " can I have a window seat " I blurt out . There I 've said it . Her smile dims noticeably . The air cools dramatically . " Let me see , " she says . She types . And then she types some more . I 'm practically the first person in line - - surely no one else has had an opportunity to take all the window seats . " Ok , " she says ( kind of meanly ) , " you have the last window seat . It 's in the last row . " " The last row , " I say ( whine actually ) . " Don 't you have anything more toward the middle . " " No , " she says . " That 's the last window seat . " Maybe Peggy Sue gets asked for a window seat a lot and there never are any window seats . Maybe I should be feeling sorry for Peggy Sue , because it is her job to tell lots of people that they have to sit in the center seats . Why on earth would airlines even make planes with three seats and even five seats across - - what were they thinking . And poor Peggy Sue gets to be the punching bag for all those poor hapless souls who have to sit in tI suppose that my single minded obsession with getting in line and getting a window seat has a tiny bit to do with not wanting to say good - bye to Adam . He 's really tired and he still has to take the train home before he can go back to bed . I give him a nice long hug and he tells me to message him when I get home . And I go through security and wave goodby as the line snakes around a corner . My vacation is over and the ordeal of airtravel is about to begin . Riddle me this . They will not let you take liquids through the security check points . But they have lots and lots of shops and restaurants before you get to security . In LA at least , they have lots of shops and restaurants inside after security , but Brisbane - - not so much . One shop and one restaurant inside . I looked through the one shop for a long time and couldn 't find anything I wanted to buy . I thought surely there will be something closer to my gate . And then I walked six miles to my gate . SIX MILES . At this point it feels like walking in sand . At mile four , there was a sidewalk mover - - that was pure heaven , but it was over too soon and I still wasn 't to my gate yet . Meanwhile there is nothing - - not a single vending machine anywhere on this six mile treck . I finally get there and off to the side , I can see a vending machine . I can 't believe how incredibly relieved I felt . There is no way I am walking back . It was for water , not diet coke . I sit down . The seats are too low - - it is really going to hurt my knees to get up . I 'm ready to cry . I take out my book and try to read . Don 't forget , I 'm now three hours early . It 's going to be a long day . After about an hour , I start to get my second wind . I really want a diet coke and potato chips and chocolate and a magazine and maybe a new book and some more souveniers . I 'll just walk back to that little store and hey , maybe I 'll go and have breakfast at that little restaurant . That would make the walk worthwhile . I 'm certainly not eating on the plane . This little bit of logic has me walking back the long , long treck . The moving sidewalk only goes one way and now I am going the opposite way , but there 's certainly diet coke and chips at the end of this treck - - I can make it . Even though my carry on doesn 't have any diet coke in it , it is still really heavy ( got to be the ipad ) . I 'm trying not to think about how I will be able to make it back to my gate carrying an even heavier carry on filled with diet coke . The restaurant was really crowded and nothing on the menu sounded palatable , so I pass and move on to the little store . There were lots of isles and I slowly went up and down each one twice . They had lots of toys that the kids would like , but I laughed at myself for even letting the thought cross my mind - - no way am I carrying that stuff on the plane . The books are all books I will be just fine ordering on - line for my ipad and let 's face it , I don 't really want to add an ounce of weight . None of the magazines were worth their weight . The chips look suspect , but walking all that way just for a diet coke seems like a waste , so I got three diet cokes and a bag of chips . As I stared down that long , long corridor I happened to see an abandoned luggage cart . No one was anywhere near it . It did not belong to anyone . It wouldn 't matter if it was abandoned here or at the end of the six mile treck . I put my carry on on the cart . It was so easy to push . It was so easy to walk without that horrible weight of the carry on . The cart was soo nice . I couldn 't believe my luck and in no time at all I was to the moving sidewalk and in no time at all I was at my gate . There was an empty table with nice high chairs . The chips tasted salty , the diet coke was nice and cold , and my book started getting good . Ah , the life . I love being on vacation . A while later , an airline guy said he 'd need to clear the area around our gate . They had to set up another check point for the international flight . By now the other gates had lots of people and there were only low seats available , but my book was still good at least . I didn 't really pay attention , but when I looked up there was suddenly a very long line to go through the new security check point . And they were starting to talk about boarding our flight . How had all that time passed by so quick . I got in line and when I got to the front they told me I couldn 't take the cart . Boo hoo . I was really pretty attached to that cart now . My carry on was heavy . They singled me out for an additional security check and I was directed to a curtained area . They were finishing up with a twelve year old boy behind the curtain . I was next . Then they directed another guy over and he went in ( cutting in front of me ) . I was annoyed but no one seemed to care and how annoying are you allowed to be at a secondary airport check point to see if you have a bomb . I didn 't say anything . Then they sent two more women over . They saw me . They wouldn 't cut in line . Then they sent another woman over . She said - - what 's going on - - are only females being checked ? There was nervous laughter but no one was willing to engage further . It is not fun to be checked by security at the airport . When it was my turn , the security person put special gloves on and checked my hands and my luggage for bomb residue . There wasn 't any , whew . By now I was fed up with my carry on . I transfered the bare necessities to my purse and on the plane ( all the way in the back ) I put everything else in the overhead bin . I gave the airline pillow and blanket to the steward and tried to make my seat belt as loose as possible . I settled in and opened my book . The seat all the way in the back was only two across , so I would have just one seat mate . When she got there she was skinny and didn 't seem to speak English . She went right to sleep - - it doesn 't get any better than that . I think my book lasted a good two hours into the flight . Then I tried to sleep - - nope . I started a new book and that lasted a while . No I don 't want breakfast , but I was not shy and demanded a cup of ice . So I had my diet coke and the snacks I brought and tried to sleep - - nope . I watched tv and tried to sleep - - nope . Then I did nothing at all . Just stared off into space . That 's when I got sick . I thought - - oh , no . Not a heart attack at 10 , 000 feet . I 'm all the way at the back of the flight , in economy . They are only going to have doctors in first class . I was hot and ready to puke and couldn 't breath and I started to wonder , ok , what part of my life is going to pass before me as I die on this plane . Luckily , the ready to puke is an age old trigger for get out of your seat and to the rest room ( right next to me ) as soon as possible . I was still dying , but now I was up and moving and dying - - it didn 't seem so very dire if I was able to stand up . I didn 't throw up and I didn 't die and soon I just really , really , really wanted to sit down . I turned the air blower on me full blast and I survived . Wow , I thought , an EPISODE at 10 , 000 feet . I tried to sleep - - nope . I looked into space . It was dark outside , but I couldn 't see any stars . I think we were in clouds because there was a lot of turbulance . We left a 10 a . m . , but we were going back in time because we were going to arrive the same day at 6 a . m . . After a while , I asked a steward for a refill on my ice and handed them back my cup . I 'm happy to recycle - - I 'm right there at the back near their station . I was given back the cup with ice and I poured in the last of my water which was now leaking like a waterfall from the cup . I yelled back to the steward station that had about six people milling around as the water poured over me and my neighbor . It still took about five minutes for them to hand me another cup and another five minutes to get a couple of napkins to dry up the spills . Fun times . Finally , I watched a movie , but I was now racing the clock . We were almost there and the captian kept interrupting the movie to tell us how close we were . I was the last person off the plane , but at least I was home in LA . The shuttle bus took forever ( six stops before me ) , but soon I was in my own bed , under my own covers . I slept and slept and slept . Days later I still had jet lag , but not so many days later I was able to relive my whole trip on this blog . That was pretty awesome . This was Adam in the surf on our first day at the beach north of Brisbane . When we got to Day 6 and Adam asked what did I want to do , I said , I don 't know , what do you want to do ? Going back to the beach North of Brisbane should have immediately jumped to mind , but we had to get lost first . Sure we had lots more experience driving and navagating , but I was still pretty crappy at it . Let 's start at the beginning . On Day 5 , I couldn 't stay awake past 8 : 30 p . m . ( again ) and so , I was up by 4 a . m . on Day 6 ( again ) . By now I was very familar with my tv options and I decided to watch some news . That early in the morning , it was on a loop , but I just kept changing channels ( there were four news channels ) so I mixed it up some . And then of course I had to see Jessica kill someone off at 6 . It seems like the killer always catches her alone when she explains the evidence that will convict them - - why don 't they just shoot her when they have the chance . But I digress . Anyway , we had talked about different things to do , but we hadn 't made any definite plans . So first things first , we drove to McDonald 's so I could check my e - mail . I had logging in down to a science and I didn 't even have to yell at Adam because it was taking too long ( I know , like it is his fault or something just because he moved to Australia and MY hotel doesn 't have wireless , but I digress ) . There was a botanical gardens downtown that we hadn 't been to , so we were going to start our day there . Except that when I tried to navagate us there from McDonald 's it was one of those - - you can 't get there from here kind of deals . I mean we went at it from about six different routes and none of them worked until finally we were on something heading north and Adam said , why don 't we just go to Deception Bay up at Sunshine Coast - - YES , I said , that sounds excellant . I had read a book about Australia before I went that talked about how long it took explorers to find Australia . I seemed to remember that Deception Bay may have been one of the first landing spots . Anyway , the signs to Deception Bay were easy to follow and we didn 't really care where we ended up . So of course we did get lost , but at least we just didn 't care very much that we were sort of lost . We were driving up one very residential street in Nudgee and there in the middle of the block was a little neighborhood market . It 's time for a diet coke . Then we parked and looked at the ocean for a while and then we continued north to Deception Bay . There was a nice little park ( I wanted a restroom , so I walked and walked and walked toward a building that looked like a public restroom , but when I got to it , it was a wall with nothing behind it . I walked and walked and walked all the way back to where Adam was waiting and the restroom was a few feet past him in the opposite direction - - that was fun ) . That little park was ok , but we decided to go a little further north . The last place we parked was a larger parking lot for the beach and it was a nice looking vacation sort of town ( except it is Winter , so there weren 't many people - - the parking lot was fullish , but it wasn 't really crowded or anything ) . Anyway , the first thing we saw was a condo on the beach for sale - - $ 1 , 000 , 000 . The sign looked really old , like they didn 't have too many lookers . There was a nice , flat walkway along the top of the beach so we walked up it . There were beautiful vacation homes all along the walkway looking out over the beach . It was easy to pretend that they were rentals to a new family every week in the summer and what a great time any family or big group of friends would have staying so close to the ocean like that . Most of the homes looked closed up for the winter , but every once in a while there were signs of residency . It was so peaceful and happy looking . When we were all strolled and sitting out , we drove back to the City . By now it was late afternoon and I wanted to see the Storybook Bridge lit up at night , so we walked down to the River again . We were looking for someplace to eat and I said , why not the pizza , that I already know I like and we went to the restaurant we 'd gone to the first day . This time they just had dumb cartoons on the tv ( no tennis ) , but we had a nice view of the river and as it started to get dark , I got to see the Storybook bridge lit up . We called it a night ( and I went back to my room to eat cake - - I only had one more day to finish it ) . The next morning , Adam had a job interview . I was expecting him at 10 , but he didn 't come until closer to 11 : 30 . He said the interview went well , but I just didn 't feel like either of us was in the mood to try anymore driving . I suggested that we go to the Queen 's Mall again and just walk around and we did . First McDonalds ( darn if I didn 't forget about the elevator and go up those darn stairs without thinking ) and then to the Mall . This time , Adam goes in a door and suddenly we are in front of a hairdressers . He said , didn 't you want to have your hair done ? Yes , how did he remember that . I went in without an appointment and they took me right away ( then I felt kind of bad because someone came in a few minutes later and said , ok , I 'm back , can you take me now ? They had told her to come back in 15 minutes and then I beat her in and now they were telling her to come back in a half and hour - - my hair takes a really long time to blow dry ) . My hairdresser was from New Zealand and she actually used a hair straightener iron or something on my hair . I told her , my hairdresser never used that and she said , that 's because she 's more experienced so she knows the right tools . It was different , but I 'm not going to ask for it . I like my hairdresser 's experience slash tools , just fine . It was pricey and at the last minute I remembered not to add a tip ( whew ) . Well this time around , I noticed a few suvenier shops and I was worried that I didn 't have enough suveniers , so I picked up a few more . And Adam took me to his favorite pizza place for a slice for lunch ( except that there was only seating outside - - have I mentioned that it is Winter there ? ) Across the street the ice skating rink was open , but Adam declined to go ice skating alone ( you didn 't think I was going ice skating - - haha ) . We also went into a very cool looking building that was a public library - - Adam really likes going to the library in Brisbane , but he needs two forms of picture id in order to get a library card ( or even to volunteer at the library ) . He only has one picture id - - his passport ( his wallet was stolen soon after he got to Australia , so he doesn 't have his picture driver 's license - - he got a temporary license , but there 's no picture on it and it will take six to eight weeks to get a new picture id . It is always something and then it is something else . But I digress . ) It was cold and the air felt like it would start raining at any time . I suggested that we go back to the hotel and play some cards and Adam agreed . Except that he doesn 't like to play cards , so we ended up playing scrabble on my ipad . He thought using the hearts to have the computer come up with the best word was cheating , but with that handicap for me , we were pretty well matched and he did start to use it after a while . Later he showed me that he was also playing a word game on his iphone with someone else at the same time and winning soundly . It was a very dreary day outside , but it didn 't actually rain ( or at least I didn 't see it rain ) . Adam said that it was kind of a record - - it rains a lot there and for it to go almost a whole week without raining was very unusual . We ended the day going to the hotel restaurant for steak . And chips ( or should I say very very yummy french fries - - score ) . The steak was excellent and the fries were even better . A big group of very noisy guys came into the restaurant right after we were seated and Adam said oh , no . But they didn 't stay long and soon we shared the restaurant with a couple having a romantic dinner and a group of four women friends having dinner . At one point , ( we were right next to the hotel lobby ) a worker was putting out an extra carpet in the lobby ( because it looked like rain ) . The carpet was red and he was arranging it to roll it out . One of the ladies at the table of the four women friends having dinner , jumped up from her seat and ran out so that she could follow the unrolling carpet and take her bows on the red carpet . It was hilarious . She is definitely my new best friend in Australia . Well I didn 't finish the cake , but I moved it to the baggies so that Adam could take his cake pan home . I sent him home right after dinner , because I wanted to leave at 5 : 30 a . m . for the airport ( well I wanted to leave at 4 , but then I changed to 5 and then 5 : 30 - - but I wanted to be there no later than 6 - - more than 4 hours early - - I didn 't want to take any chances with my window seat and we still had to return the car ) . I asked Adam to go out and get gas , so that we wouldn 't have to worry about that in the morning and he very kindly said , sure . I gave him a hug , just in case I would forget the next day and saw him go off into the night . What an awesome trip . I 'll never forget a minute of it . So Day Five - - I was looking forward to sleeping in , but I was up early , early again . I had a really good book to read . I had ice to chip off my block of ice . I had snacks I hadn 't eaten on the plane . I had cake - - yummy . I had 14 channels of unwatchable stuff to flip through and don 't forget " Murder She Wrote " at 6 : 00 a . m . - - I 'm sorry , but if I ever meet Jessica Fletcher in real life , I 'm running away - - someone is always getting murdered around that broad - - she had more nieces and nephews and old friends than anyone on the planet and by golly everytime she went to see them , someone got murdered , but I digress . So an altogether fine , lazy morning , but by noon when I was expecting Adam , I was watching the bottem of the building across the street , which was mirrored so that I could see him coming into the hotel . Adam and I were just going to walk around - - check out Queen 's Mall and the downtown area . But first , I needed to go to McDonald 's to check my e - mail . The closest one was at the Train station , just a few blocks away . I was prepared for a long walk , because I know Adam 's idea of a few blocks . Also , I never saw a train or even an entrance for a train station . I 'd seen a ferry stop on the River on our first day , but no trains . I knew they had them , because I had originally mapped out taking the train from the airport to my hotel . Anyway , Adam leads the way and a few blocks later he starts going up this very steep broad set of stairs . From the street , I can 't see the top of the stairs , but there are lots and lots of people going up and down . I , of course , stop . When faced with a flight of stairs , my knees require at least an inquiry into an alternate route - - an elevator or lift ? An escalator ? Two very large men to carry me ? Surely there is some alternative to very long , steep flight of stairs - - don 't they have a McDonalds on the next block at street level ? Adam is not amused and says come on . At the top of the stairs , straight ahead is an elevator - - I throw Adam the death stare , but he has his suit of armor on and it doesn 't even faze him . We then walk into what I can only describe as a cave - - it felt like we were underground . It felt like going into the bart stations in San Francisco . You go down a really long stairway ( escalators ) down underground to the trains . It felt like we were underground , except that I had just climbed a very tall stairway to get here . Weird . Anyway , the McDonalds was straight ahead - - it was tiny and dark . I was hoping for pizza for lunch , so I just ordered fries . Adam once again has to figure out how to get the internet on my phone and I check my e - mail , review , answer , review , answer . My office really could live without me - - oh they missed me , but no one died . Darn . But I digress . After Maccas , Adam and I walked out ( I think I made him wait for the elevator , but maybe not because I really don 't recall taking the elevator - - maybe there was another way out ) and over a few streets to the Queen 's Mall . There were a bunch of shops , but nothing that I wanted to see and then Adam said , let 's go in here . It was a very crowded corner of some shops and straight ahead was an escalator . Suddenly we were in a giant indoor mall with grocery stores , general merchandize stores , lots of clothing stores , little fruit and vege stores , just everything under the sun . There were eight floors and so many , many people . This was a Thursday , but it was wall to wall people everywhere . It was huge . And bright - - very clean and pretty indoors . I dragged Adam into a store and made him look at folding chairs , but he refused to let me buy one for him . On one of the floors , the escalator went right into a store that was like a Michaels Craft store ( but not ) . I wanted to look at cross stitch supplies , but they didn 't have any - - none . When I had gone to London , I had gone into Harrod 's and their craft and sewing area was really millinary ( for making hats ) - - that 's what this store reminded me of . But we went up another flight ( escalator , thank you Queen ) and we were still in the same store , but they had lots of cross stitching and knitting supplies . It was cool , but I didn 't really need anything and I wasn 't going to have room in my suitcase . It was just cool to look . We kept going up on the escalator and at the very top was the movie theater . Super 8 had just opened and Adam wanted to see it . Me , not so much . On the other hand , it was really gloomy outside , it didn 't look like I was getting pizza , so popcorn sounded pretty good just then . And no flights of stairs to walk up to get there . I was in . The movie exceeded my expectations and Adam did not succeed in making me remove my hands from my eyes and ears for the scary parts ( why did he even try , silly boy ) . We walked around the mall a little bit more and then I said how do you get out - - I hadn 't seen a single entrance or exit out . Adam said that had puzzled him for a while too - - there are only three places to get back out to the street , but he had memorized them and we did find our way out . There was some construction across the way and Adam said that they were builing an ice rink ( because it was winter ) , but that it wouldn 't be completed for a few weeks . Well , I was malled out , so we walked to Adam 's apartment to pick up the car ( I did not walk up all the stairs to his apartment - - just to the parking lot ) . We drove out to another part of town to the Sizzlers that Adam knew of . He was telling me about when he and Wayne had been at the train station in this part of town . A weird , crazy guy had tried to talk to them and seemed like he was following them . Adam said that he had tried to be nice , but that little bit of not rude , niceness had made the weird guy follow him more . Adam said that they were careful walking home , because they didn 't want that guy to know where they lived . It really freaked him out . Anyway , driving there , I tried to close my eyes . I was not in charge of navigating ( thank goodness ) . Adam found his way there and although the parking structure was the seventh level of hell ( think very skinny circular concrete enclosed driveways , driving on the wrong side of the road ) , we survived and walked a long distance through a concrete parking structure maze to an out of the way , non - descript door . It was all very twilight zone and then out of nowhere was the very pleasant sign for Sizzlers . It was very bright and lovely on the inside - - a stark contrast to how gloomy and dark it was outside in the concrete parking structure . Anyway , we ordered and we were shown to a very nice table . The place was just starting to get crowded , so I was glad we were having dinner so early . Adam was back to the table and I got up to get my drink . When I came back to the table , Adam said , " That was him . Did you see that guy you just passed ? " " Who , " I said . " The weird guy that followed Wayne and I that I was just telling you about . " Adam was totally freaked out , but the guy didn 't see him and left . How weird was that . After a while , we relaxed into our dinners . I could only eat half of my steak , but since it is kind of a buffet , they really don 't let you take home left overs - - no containers . Adam said that he would take the other half of my steak home , but as it got closer to the time to leave , he said are we really fold up half your steak in a napkin and take it home , kind of people ? He doesn 't even have a dog . No , we were not . On the way home , we stopped at the grocery store and I got another bag of ice . ( This time when I got back to the hotel , I divided the bag of ice into smaller ziploc bags so that it wouldn 't melt into a giant block - - score ) . It had been a nice lazy day ( no pizza , but a nice steak dinner and a good movie - - it was a very good movie when you close your eyes and ears during the scary part - - I can 't attest to the movie that Adam saw , since he kept his eyes open , but I digress ) . And I had cake for dessert back at the hotel . All was right with the world . Let 's start at the beginning again . Although I had been bound and determined to get with the time zone differences , I still couldn 't keep my eyes open past 8 p . m . . I woke up at 3 : 00 a . m . AGAIN , but this time I would not allow myself to get up . I was determined to try to sleep later , so that I could stay up later . Finally at 4 : 30 a . m . , I gave up and turned on the tv . The tv was on one of the rugby channels , but they were showing the Men 's Finals from the French Open and they were already in the third set ! If I had turned on the tv at 3 a . m . when I first woke up , I would have seen the whole thing . Oh well . My Nadal won . Yeah ! I was outside at 9 : 00 a . m . again and this time Adam pulled up on the street right on time - - score . We were going to drive south toward the Gold Coast , first to the Sky Walk ( a series of elevated bridges over a rain forest that promised to show us exotic birds and wild life ) , then to Sea World ( since I really , really , really was not going to go snorkling at the Great Barrier Reef ) and finally to the Ocean at Gold Coast . If we ran out of time , we 'd just continue and do some stuff the following day - - silly me . We had plenty of time and I should have known by now that the less time we spent driving , the happier we 'd be . So I had the brochure for the Sky Walk place and it was south , but it was much farther inland - - not near the coast . On the map it looked like a nice sized highway to get there . In reality , not so nice sized and actually pretty mountainie and long - - like driving on Topanga Canyon , but much worse . And we were running out of gas . After what seemed like a very long drive , we found the rainforest and the Sky Walk . It was a little pricey , but I 'm on vacation . So we started out on the walk . They said it would take us 20 minutes out and 20 minutes back . It took us about 10 minutes , so we started to try to slow down , except that there wasn 't anything to see except trees . Ok , they were nice looking trees , and there was a little brook , but how long can you look at that . We had seen some pictures of exotic birds , butterflies and really big bugs at the lobby of the place , but outside it was just cold and cloudy . No birds , no butterflies and no bugs . I think we saw a spider 's web . Although this place took no time at all , it was really a long drive back to the coast and we drove and drove . First I made Adam stop at the first gas station we saw - - out in the middle of no where . I couldn 't figure out what gas we were supposed to use , so the gas station attendent tried to help me , but he didn 't know either . So we looked in the book for the car and finally figured it out . So frustrating . Then we drove and drove and drove with the ipad map going in and out , never knowing if we were on the right road or going in the right direction . Eventually , we got back to the coast and stopped at a McDonalds for lunch . And I got to check my e - mail ( yeah ! ) . Recharged , we plotted our next stop at Sea World . They were doing some kind of construction near the ocean and Sea World was not coming up on the map , but the place it was shown on a brochure was like on a penisula . It was very confusing to try to get to it ( and my ipad showed an intercection that was actually an overpass situation ) , but we found it . It was awful . It was mostly a cut rate amusement park with lots of food vendors , suvenier shops , rides , games and kind of tucked out of sight as almost an after thought was a large fish aquarium with some sharks , a dolphin show , one sorry looking polar bear and very fat penguins . It was really expensive too . Adam saw the price and realized that our admission would probably pay his rent and he didn 't want to go . ( But this was before I saw how sorry their aquarium was , so I really wanted to go and I 'm on vacation ) . We spent a long time at the aquarium , we hung out as long as we could stand at the stinky penguin house , we felt sorry for the polar bear and we were done really quickly . The dolphin show was going to start in about 45 minutes , so we decided to hang out and wait for it . We got some sodas ( I think they were on sale - - 2 for $ 4 , so we really could not pass them up ) and just sat on a bench until they opened the stands . It was a lazy , cloudy , but relaxing afternoon . The dolphin show was enjoyable and on our waBut it was chilly . But gorgeous . As we walked to the Hard Rock Cafe , we saw lots and lots of shops - - very upscale - - very Beverly Hills , Rodeo Drive . The Hard Rock Cafe was exactly the same as every Hard Rock Cafe I 've ever been in ( diet coke , not so good , hamberger and fries , fine , but not great ) . I got my required Tee Shirt and I was very happy . I even got a milk shake . I love being on vacation . The only bad thing was that the restaurant was up stairs - - no lift ( elevator ) . What is it with Australia , don 't they know that fat tourists cannot climb stairs ? Anyway on the way out , I actually fell on the stairs - - well on the landing . A guy was there and he and Adam tried to help me up , but they were pulling me - - that wasn 't going to work , because my knees were not cooperating . It was pretty akward , but I finally manuvered around and made my knees do their job ( such slackers ) . I was fine , but totally fed up with stairs . On our walk back to the car we stopped at all the cheesy suvenir shops along the way and I found lots of stuff that I wanted . I tried to be brutal - - what ever I buy , I 'm going to have to pack because I 'm moving next month . Will I love this thing so much that I 'm willing to pack it and pay a mover to move it ? I said yes to that question way too much , but it did fit in my suitcase , sooooo ( I 'm on vacation ) . I think I fell asleep on the ride home - - it was really long . I told Adam that we should start late the next day - - sleep in and not meet until noon for lunch . I wanted to sit on the balcony and read a book , we would just hang out in the City and do nothing . It sounded like a great plan and I was already looking forward to a lazy day . I love being on vacation .

My name is Sol , well , really it 's Solomon , but they call me Sol . I am the one you know as " the inn keeper . " You have heard much about me down through the years . But , like many other parts of the story of the birth of Jesus , you 've never heard my story . How many times have you seen a small boy dressed in his father 's too big bathrobe with a towel wrapped around his head open the cardboard door to a motel with a star on top and shout to Joseph , " I tell you there 's no room in my inn . " It wasn 't that way at all . The word translated " inn " simply means a dwelling place , or a guestroom . Bethlehem was Joseph 's ancestral home . It 's why he had to come back to register for the census . The idea that his family would let Mary and Joseph stay outside in a stable would be unheard of . Joseph and Mary stayed with me . You see , Joseph was my older brother . He moved to Nazareth to find work and we had not seen him for quite sometime . Our mother was living with my family and me because our father had died . Most of the village homes were two room dwellings . One room was the family living space and the other was a bedroom . The family stayed together and at night the family 's valued animals were brought inside for warmth for the family and protection so the animals would not be stolen . The animals were separated in the living area by a makeshift wall , and there was a small manger dug into floor at one end for hay . The family wasn 't really sure what was going on with Joseph and Mary . We had heard rumors that Mary was pregnant by someone else before they were married and Joseph was going to break the betrothal by divorce . Then Joseph said he found out that Mary had not been unfaithful to him so he suddenly married her anyway . It was not like Joseph to be impulsive or unreasonable and so we thought it must really be his child . When word of the census came out , we knew we would see Joseph again soon and Mary , too . They had been with us for a few days when Mary went into labor . It was not such a big deal because all women had their babies at home . Our mother was there and some of other ladies were able to help with the delivery . The men were outside with Joseph , where we belong . Things got back to normal for a few days after the baby was born except for the extra commotion that is caused by a new baby crying in the night . But then some shepherds came by with an odd story . They said a few nights before an angel appeared to them in the field and told them that the messiah had been born in Bethlehem and they could find him there . They had been in town knocking on doors and asking for the house where a baby had been born . They said they had come to worship him because he was the Savior . We thought they were just crazy old shepherds . You know how they are , but after they were gone , Joseph told us that an angel had also appeared to him in a dream telling him that Mary 's baby was from God and then Mary told her story of the angel which had appeared to her saying she would have God 's son . It was a lot to take in and we weren 't sure exactly what to believe . I was particularly skeptical . Eight days later the baby was circumcised and they gave him the name , Jesus . They said it was the name the angel told them to use . Yeah … okay ! Things sort of got back to normal until it was time to take Mary and Jesus to Jerusalem for the rite of purification . While we were in the temple courts , this crazy old man named Simeon grabbed Jesus out of Mary 's arms and cried out , ' " Sovereign Lord , now let your servant die in peace , as you have promised . " blah , blah , blah , or some such thing . Joseph didn 't know what to do and then the old guy blessed them and turned to Mary and as he handed Jesus back to her he said quietly , " This child is destined to cause many in Israel to fall , but he will be a joy to many others . He has been sent as a sign from God , " and mumbled some other stuff but ended with , " And a sword will pierce your very soul . " How uplifting ! What a crock ! While Simeon was still talking , Anna came up . She 's an old woman who went crazy when her husband died and she came to live in the temple and has never left . She prays and fasts and worships all day and goes around giving so - called prophecies . She doesn 't smell very good either . She began praising God and talking about the child being the one who they had been waiting for . We got out of there as quickly as we could since she was starting to draw a crowd . My wife and my mother were intrigued by the stories about the angels and the babblings of the two crazy people in the temple and convinced themselves that Jesus might really be the messiah . Yeah sure , the King of Israel would be born in my house . What a laugh ! Joseph found a job with me as a carpenter and they stayed with us for a while after all of the other relatives left . It was nice having them around . A year or so later a group of astrologers arrived in the area . Great … educated , crazy people ! They , too , were going house to house looking for some special baby . They said a sign had appeared to them in the sky and they had been following that sign for quite awhile . They had stopped by Herod 's palace to ask his wise men about the scriptures . Anyway , somehow they wound up here , but at least they brought gifts . They had gold , frankincense and myrrh . The gold was pretty cool , but the other two items seemed odd gifts for a baby and we didn 't understand . After they were satisfied they had found the right baby , the guys left . They mentioned they were supposed to go back to let Herod know where they found the baby , but they didn 't trust him and were going home a different way . We sat up and talked most of the night about their visit . After finally going to sleep , Joseph woke up alarmed by another dream . Another angel had appeared to him and said that Herod was going to try to kill the baby . Joseph said he was taking Mary and Jesus to Egypt , which is where the angel supposedly told him to go . We tried to talk him out of it , I mean , you 're going to Egypt on a dream ? I guess it was a good thing they had been given the gold , because it allowed them to travel and get started in a new life in Egypt . We thought Joseph had lost his mind until a few days later the whole country was overrun with soldiers who came into every house and killed all the baby boys that were about two years or younger . For the first time I really wondered about the " angel " stories because without Joseph 's dream , Jesus would have surely been killed . A couple of years later , after Herod died , we heard that Joseph was going back to Nazareth . Every year , we all meet in Jerusalem for the Passover festival and get to have a sort of family reunion together . I remember the year that Jesus was twelve . After the celebration , all of the Nazareth family was leaving because they had farther to travel than us . We were staying in Jerusalem a few extra days . A couple of days later , Joseph and Mary came to where we were staying saying that Jesus was lost . They had assumed he was with the rest of the family and had travelled for a day without noticing he wasn 't with them . They had travelled back and wondered if Jesus was with us or if we had seen him . We had not , so we joined in the frantic search . We went to the big market and all of the other places that might interest a twelve - year - old boy . Frustrated and frightened , we stopped by the temple for evening prayers . There he was , sitting with the religious teachers . We watched … it was like a game . They would ask him tricky questions and he would answer with another question , which would stump them , then he would grin and explain what he meant . Mary finally went up and tried to make him feel guilty for their frantic anguish … Jewish mother , you know . He seemed clueless . He said , " Didn 't you know I would be in my Father 's house doing His business ? " I glanced at Joseph and he looked as if for the first time he truly realized that Jesus was not really his son . I think all of the dreams became his nightmare that day . Joseph was never the same after that . Oh , Jesus continued to honor and obey him , as his earthly father , but Joseph knew that Jesus was on a path Joseph couldn 't follow or understand . Fortunately , he died right before John went nuts . Zechariah and Elizabeth 's son , John , had always been , what shall we say , different . He had sort of been raised that way . His parents were really old when he was born and they always told him that his birth was a miracle and God had special plans for him . I always felt sorry for him . Then he finally cracked and moved out into the desert wearing animal skins and eating insects . He preached to nobody until people began to go out to listen to his crazed ravings . His crowds grew larger and even the religious leaders began to worry about him and started going out to watch him . It was hilarious . He called them a pile of snakes ! One day Jesus showed up to listen to John and was baptized . John started the talk about Jesus being the messiah again and things went down hill from there . John was arrested and killed and Jesus started his ministry of teaching . I was back in Bethlehem working again and only heard stories of Jesus ' teachings and miracles . I knew the authorities were getting scared of the crowds that were following him . Many of them were hoping that Jesus was really the messiah and would restore Israel to greatness again . I guess in my heart , I hoped the same thing . But who can overthrow the Romans ? I had never really believed he was the messiah until I started hearing of the miracles . I began to study the scripture . Micah 5 : 2 says , " But you , O Bethlehem are only a small village among all the people of Judah . Yet a ruler of Israel will come from you … " And Isaiah 7 : 14 says , " Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign : The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son , and will call him Immanuel . " Hosea 11 : 1 says , “… I called my Son out of Egypt . " These and other scriptures reminded me of the stories told around his birth . I began to hope and wonder . We were in Jerusalem again for Passover when everything went wrong . Jesus came riding in on Sunday with crowds praising him . I knew this would lead to trouble with the authorities . Neither the Jewish nor Roman leaders liked this sort of thing . Before the week was over the crowd was crying for Jesus to die . How could this have happened ? We tried to stay close to Mary to support her in her tragedy , but I was angry . Angry with the crowd of followers who turned on him ; angry with his disciples who didn 't get him out of Jerusalem when they saw this coming , angry with God … God … Jehovah … I 'm not even supposed to speak his name . He had played games with my brother and his family … angels and shepherds and stupid wise men . Why would he save Jesus from the quickly merciful sword of Herod 's soldiers just to let him die an agonizing death on a cross years later ? It made no sense . It couldn 't be God . I felt betrayed and foolish that I 'd allowed myself to even hope and ALMOST believe that Jesus was the one . I went home . It wasn 't long before the rumors reached us of the resurrection . Jesus had come back to life . Really ! You expect me to buy this stuff again . I found my peace in the scriptures . I saw God 's games ; Abraham and the promise … the " almost " sacrifice of Isaac . Jacob and Esau and the deceit and lies , even Jacob was tricked by his father in law . I especially enjoyed rereading the story of the Exodus from Egypt . I enjoyed God 's games , but this time he was playing with Pharaoh . Each plague brought him closer and closer to letting the Israelites go . A couple of years after Jesus ' death , we went back to Jerusalem for Passover . I was more excited than usual because of my detailed study of the scripture . I understood that life was required for forgiveness and life was in the blood . As in all of the sacrifices through the years , be it a bull or goat or lamb or dove , it is blood that is required for forgiveness of sin . I found myself meeting with some of Jesus ' disciples that I had known while he was alive . They were called " apostles " now . Jesus ' followers had multiplied since his death . They were organized and meeting to continue his teaching . Not only were they saying that he had come back to life , but they talked of the Passover meal shared together the night before he died . On that night he took the Passover meal that we had celebrated for centuries to remember being set free from slavery , and used it to portray himself as the lamb slain , whose blood would be our salvation . And after the supper as the cup of salvation is shared , he took the cup and said , " TAKE THIS , ALL OF YOU , AND DRINK FROM IT : THIS IS THE CUP OF MY BLOOD , THE BLOOD OF THE NEW AND EVERLASTING COVENANT . IT WILL BE SHED FOR YOU AND FOR ALL SO THAT SINS MAY BE FORGIVEN . DO THIS IN MEMORY OF ME . " Suddenly , I understood … I can 't explain . It was as if all of the stories came together in one vision . The pregnant young girl , the questioning and unsure groom , the birth in our poor , crowded home , the crazy Simeon and Anna , the shepherds and the astronomers , the escape to Egypt even as we had escaped from Egypt … the grin on a boy in the temple and Joseph 's face as he lost his son . Even crazy John the baptizer fell into place and the miracles and teachings of Jesus made sense . I realized that the King of the Jews was really born in my house . But it was a kingdom not of a house , but of a heart . It was not about our love of life , but about living a life of love . He came on that day so long ago so He could give His life , so that we could then have His Life , so that we could then give Our Lives … for Him . It 's not a cycle … it 's not a circle of life … it doesn 't go back around … it moves forward . He 's not the lamb slain at the Passover … He 's the lamb slain from the very foundation of the world for forgiveness . And as He lives His life in us and through us , we become his living sacrifices so that our world may know that He is the baby , He is the Lamb , He is the Life and the Light of Life that came into the world . One Sabbath , we were all with Jesus as he was teaching in a synagogue . I think it was the last time I remember being in a synagogue with Jesus . People loved listening to him teach . His teaching in the synagogue was usually different from his teaching to the crowds . Outside , he often taught with stories and we were never really sure what he was trying to get across . People would go away with all different kinds of ideas of what he was saying . Sometimes he would sit with us later and tell us what he meant , but sometimes he just let us find our own meaning , too . In the synagogue , it was sort of different because he was teaching from the scripture . As I 've said before , his teaching was so different from the other rabbis . As people listened , the scripture came alive in Jesus . He explained the words of the prophets as if they were his own . His interpretations of the law took away the burden in a way that made sense and even made it desirable to obey . It was amazing to listen . Anyway , on this particular day , while Jesus is teaching , he notices this woman in the back of the room . You can barely see her because she 's bent over in a horrible position . When Jesus looks at her , he stops teaching and everyone starts turning around trying to see what he 's looking at . You can tell she is starting to feel uncomfortable with all of the attention . To make matters worse , Jesus points her out and asks her to come up front . Now everyone is really looking at her . As she is sort of shuffling forward , Jesus changes her humiliation to hope by saying , " Woman , you are free of this disease ! " You could feel the excitement . As she got to Jesus , he put his hands on her and immediately she straightened up . You should have seen the look on her face , wow ! She started praising God and most of the crowd was laughing and rejoicing with her . But there were a few of the regular religious jerks sitting together in the front . They were scowling , as if something was wrong with this picture . A couple of them put their heads together and mumbled a few things , then one of them , who was actually the leader of the synagogue , stood up and got the people to be quiet . He looked over at Jesus like he was going to scold him or something , but when their eyes met , he turned away quickly and glared at the woman and the crowd . " There are six days for working , so come on one of those days to be healed , not on the Sabbath . " His cronies were nodding their heads and making grunting sounds of agreement . Peter leaned over to me and whispered real loud , " Yea , like that happens here just any day of the week . " Everyone laughed . The leader looked over at Peter , but before he could say anything , Jesus spoke up . You could tell he was , uh , ticked off . He looked straight at the leader and the other jerks , " You bunch of hypocrites , every Sabbath , you untie your ox or donkey and lead them to water , don 't you ? " They just stared at Jesus with this blank look on their faces . They hadn 't caught where he was going with this . He went on , " And yet you think this woman , this daughter of Abraham , should be left bound by this disorder today , just because it 's the Sabbath ? " Well , they finally got it … you should have seen their faces now . It 's hard to describe a look of embarrassment and anger together . The crowd loved it . They enjoyed seeing the jerks on the other side for once , but they quickly moved on and started rejoicing with the woman , who was still standing in the middle of all of this . She stood so proud and looked at Jesus with an amazing look of gratitude . It was as if she was so thankful for being healed , but equally grateful that Jesus stood up for her and the others . Jesus just smiled and nodded to her … he understood . One of the days when we were out walking , I don 't remember exactly when , a synagogue leader came up in kind of a hurry and then knelt down in front of Jesus . That always looks kind of weird and starts to draw a crowd even if one is not already following us . The fact that he was a leader in the synagogue and known by the locals was another reason people started looking our way . So , his name is Jarius and he starts to talk and sobs a couple of times and finally says , " Jesus , my 12 year old daughter is dying . But come and put your hand on her , and she will live . " Well , I thought that sounded pretty presumptuous and I said so . I even thought this might be some kind of trap , since he was from the synagogue . But Jesus would hear nothing but this father 's faith in the middle of his grief . So off we go to this guy 's house . By now , there 's a pretty good crowd following along with us . They are pushing and shoving trying to stay close to the action . All of a sudden , Jesus stops and looks around . " What 's wrong ? " Peter asked quickly , looking around for someone to whack . He 's always looking for someone to whack . Jesus says , get this , he says , " Somebody touched me . " We laughed and looked at each other like , " You 've got to be kidding me . " Peter actually said it , " You 've got to be kidding me , people are pushing and shoving and a dozen people or more must have touched you . " Jesus said , " No , that 's not what I mean . Somebody touched me on purpose , and I felt healing power leave me . " Well , good grief , we didn 't know what that meant , but we started looking around the crowd like we did know . All of a sudden this woman slinks out of the crowd and kneels in front of Jesus with her head bowed . " It was me , " she stammered . She was shaking and looked really frightened , and we didn 't know why . Then she told him that she had suffered from a bleeding disorder for twelve years and no one could cure her . That 's why ! A woman bleeding is unclean and shouldn 't even be out among other people . If she touches them , she makes them unclean , too . She went on , " I know I 'm not supposed to be out with people and I know I 'm not supposed to touch you , but I thought if I could just touch your robe , I could be healed . " Jesus just looked at her and smiled . He said , " Well , we don 't do so well with that clean and unclean thing ourselves , but it wasn 't my robe that did the healing ; it was your faith that made you well . Now get up and go in peace . " Well , she jumped up and hugged Jesus and then ran off shouting , " Thank you , " as she headed home , well for the first time in a long time . Bleeding was a really difficult thing for women . It made them weak and anemic besides the " unclean " thing they always had to deal with . Many of them just took their chances and went on with a fairly normal life and hoped they never got caught . This one was able to touch Jesus and her life was changed . We all knew where the healing came from , though . So after this little interruption , we had almost forgotten where we were going in the first place , when a messenger shows up and tells Jarius that his daughter has died and there 's no more reason to bother Jesus . Jarius turned to Jesus with this hopeless look and Jesus said , " Don 't be afraid , just have faith . She 's going to be okay . " Jarius looked at us for some kind of assurance , but we just shrugged our shoulders . We had no idea what was going on anymore . When we finally arrived at his house , you could hear the mourners from the street . Jesus told everyone to stay outside , but Peter , James and John walked in with Jarius . The rest of us hung around and listened to what was going on . When Jesus went in , he told the mourners that they could stop wailing since the girl was just asleep . Well , you should have heard the wailing turn to laughing . These women were professional mourners ; they 've been around dead before , and they know dead . Peter told me later , Jesus takes the little girl by the hand and tells her in a really loud voice to get up . We heard that part from the street . So , I guess the little girl just jumps up and the first thing she said was she was hungry . So Jesus told them to feed her but then he asked them not to tell anyone what had happened . Well , that was pretty useless since the women mourners had left the room screaming as soon as they saw the little girl stand . They weren 't use to seeing dead people get up . So they were already out spreading the news . It 's hard to keep miracles a secret , I guess . After the storm , when we were getting close to the shore , Jesus was up and standing in the bow of the boat . He seemed to be anticipating something , even though no one knew we were headed this way . This was a Gentile area ; not many Jews live over here . As we were approaching the shore we heard the most terrifying screaming . It made you cringe . We couldn 't imagine the torture someone was experiencing that would cause that kind of screaming . Plus , it sounded like more than one person in agony . Jesus looked back at us with a look of excitement . We had never seen him react to someone 's suffering that way . As soon as we got close enough , Jesus jumped out of the boat and ran up into the cemetery that was there . Some of us jumped out and tried to keep up as others stayed back to secure the boat . After we ran a good way into the cemetery toward the tombs in the rocks , where it seemed the screaming was coming from , a couple of men jumped out from behind a tree . They were huge and looked like they might rip off your head and spit down your neck . Their hair was wild and they were naked . Their bodies were bleeding from cuts they appear to have caused themselves . They were dirty and smelled worse than any leper I had ever smelled . We knew about guys like this . Every city had some . They were crazy and their families couldn 't keep them around anymore . Some were worse than others . Obviously these guys were worse than most . They still had remnants of chains locked around their necks where they had been chained down but broke away . They stayed out here around the tombs where no one would bother them . All of us screeched to a halt except Jesus . He walked right up to the men . " Hey guys , what 's going on ? " Their faces just contorted into horrible expressions and they just howled . One of them growled in the most frightening voice I 've ever heard , " Son of God , why do you torture us before it 's time ? " Jesus was so calm with his answer , " Because you are destroying these men 's lives . What 's that about ? What are your names anyway ? " He screamed , " We are Legion ! " Jesus turned around to look at us as if to say , " Wow ! " We all knew that a Legion in the Roman Army had from 2000 - 4000 men in it . That 's a lot of demons . We took a few steps back . The rest of the guys had joined us by now but were looking like they wish they had stayed with the boat . Jesus turned back and said , " You know you guys are going to have to come out now , don 't you ? " They both screamed so loud that we had to put our fingers in our ears . One of them stopped screaming and asked , " Can you send us into that herd of pigs ? " Jesus frowned , " I don 't know , they didn 't do anything wrong ! " Peter yelled from three rows back , " Yeah , but they 're unclean , anyway ! " Jesus looked back at him and said , " It 's not their fault ; they didn 't do anything to deserve that . Besides , I 've heard that bacon is wonderful . We might have to rethink that " unclean " thing someday , but I guess today 's not the day for that . I 've got to give these guys some help . " He turned back around , " Okay , you can go in the pigs . " Suddenly both men collapsed and the pigs squealed a horrible sound and the herd started running for the lake and ran like lemmings , one after the other into the lake , where they drowned . The guys watching the pigs took off . They were scared and they wanted to tell the story so they wouldn 't get the blame for the loss of the pigs . We heard the crowd coming before we could see them . They were mad about the pigs and they were running toward us . When they got close enough to see the two men who had been possessed , they stopped suddenly . They all knew these men . They knew how wild and dangerous they had been . Seeing them dressed and sitting quietly at the feet of Jesus listening stopped them in their tracks . You could see their expressions change from anger to fear . Something had happened and they didn 't know what it was , but it was scary for them . The guys who had been watching the pigs and saw everything told them the story . They started coming toward us again , but with a lot more caution . The leader asked what had happened to the men . Jesus said , " Well , I had to cast some demons out of them and they went into your pigs … sorry about that . " They assured him that it was okay about the pigs , but they asked us if we would leave the area . Jesus was surprised , " Really , after seeing what I can do , you want me to leave ? " They assured him that they did . So we started getting into the boat . The two men asked if they could come with us . Jesus said , " I wish you could , but I need you to go back to your families and friends and tell them what I did for you , so they won 't be afraid . No one should fear what I bring . " So we left and headed back across the lake . As we were talking about what happened , Jesus said , " You know , I expected the religious leaders and Pharisees to be against the change I would bring , but I thought sinners and especially the gentiles would be glad to hear the good news that they are welcome in my kingdom . I guess receiving forgiveness and acceptance is not as easy as it sounds . " 2 Comments One day , after Jesus had been teaching and telling stories , he said , " Let 's go to the other side of the lake . " Sometimes we knew his plans and why we were going to a particular place , but sometimes he just decided to go and we went , without asking questions about why . So , we got into a boat and headed out . It was a beautiful day when we started . The sails were up and the lake was calm . There was a nice breeze that carried us along . Jesus was really tired , because I think he was up all last night . He did that every now and then . After we were asleep , he would slip away to be alone . Since he was so tired , he found a soft spot in the back of the boat , crawled under a tarp and went to sleep . We were about half way across when dark clouds started forming . Storms often came up pretty quickly on the lake , but this one looked bad . Matthew , who had spent all of his life on the land , was looking pretty nervous . He said , " We 'd better hurry . " Peter , who was steering , laughed , and shouted over the wind that was rising , " Maybe you want to paddle , then . " It was a nervous kind of laugh , though , and I could see on Peter 's face that even he was worried . He had been out on this lake his whole life as a fisherman and he knew how bad this storm looked . The wind didn 't seem to be coming from any particular direction that allowed us to continue to use the sails , so we pulled them down before the boat was capsized . We threw out the oars and started rowing . Peter steered us into the waves so , hopefully , they wouldn 't come in over the sides . It got pretty scary . It was so dark that we could barely see and it was so rough that I could hear a couple of guys throwing up over the side of the boat . Or , at least , I hoped it was over the side . The rain was cold and sharp and it stung when it hit because the wind was blowing so hard . The waves were washing over the bow by now , and Peter yelled for anyone not rowing to start bailing . Someone yelled back , " What do you think we 're doing ? " But Peter couldn 't really see them ; he only knew the water was up to his knees . The storms on the lake were usually pretty short lived , but this one didn 't seem to be slackening . I don 't how it could get any worse , but it seemed to by trying . We were getting exhausted from rowing and bailing and I was beginning to worry that we might all drown . A big waved washed over the bow and Matthew , who didn 't know enough to lash himself to something to keep from being washed overboard , was knocked down . The water washed him , screaming all the way , to the back of the boat , where he bumped into Jesus , who was still asleep . Everything had happened so fast , that we almost forgot he was with us . Matthew grabbed him , still screaming , and yelled what appeared to be the obvious , " Wake up , wake up , we 're going to drown . " Jesus crawled out from under the cover and waded to the middle of the boat , where we could all see him and he raised his hands and said , " Peace … be still . " Well , the rain suddenly stopped and the wind quit blowing , so the waves died down , too . We watched the sky as the clouds just began to disappear . In a moment 's time , the sun was out , the water was calm and the easy breeze was back . Jesus looked around at the mess the boat was in and then looked at all of us . OnWe hauled up the sails and as the boat started moving across the calm waters , we all spent the rest of the trip , quietly in our own minds , just thinking about that question . Sometime after Matthew joined us we were confronted one day by the disciples of John the Baptist . That 's what they were calling him now … it was sort of like a stage name . But , because Jesus was becoming so popular , John was losing his crowd . This group of hardcore John followers was pretty upset about that and when we saw them coming toward us , we sort of gathered in a circle around Jesus to protect him . Yeah , I know it sounds stupid . Looking back on it , I can see how ridiculous it was that we thought we needed to protect Jesus . But we did . Peter even picked up a couple of rocks to have handy . That was the nice thing about where we lived , there were always rocks around . Anyway , as these guys walk up , Jesus steps out of the circle . The leader comes up to Jesus and in this real whiny voice asks , " Why don 't your disciples fast like we and the Pharisees do ? " It had this " John 's disciples are better than yours " sound to it . Jesus turned around and looked at us with this smirk on his face that only we could see and sort of whined , " Yeah , you guys . You haven 't been fasting ? You told me you were . What are the Pharisees going to think of you ? " We weren 't always sure when Jesus was joking , but we were pretty sure this time . James pipes up , " It makes us too hungry . " We all laughed , even Jesus . Then Jesus turned back and said , " Sorry , we were just joking around . But seriously , do wedding guests mourn while they are celebrating with the groom ? Of course not , but someday the groom will be taken away from them , and then they will fast . " The guy just stood there with this blank look on his face . Jesus looked around at us and we were all nodding our heads like we knew what he was talking about even though we didn 't understand what he meant either . So he tries again , " Besides , who would patch old clothing with new cloth ? The new patch would shrink and rip the old cloth , leaving an even bigger tear . " He 's getting nowhere here . He continues , " And no one puts new wine into old wineskins . The old skins would burst from the pressure , spilling the wine and ruining the skins . New wine is stored in new wineskins so that both are preserved . " You should have seen those guys … by this time their brows were furrowed and they were nodding and some were stroking their beards like they were thinking real hard and beginning to understand what this wise teacher was saying . They thanked Jesus for his answer and backed away and left . Jesus turned to us and said , " I thought that went well . " We all burst out laughing and were patting Jesus on the back and John said , " Great answer , they 'll be trying to figure that stuff out for awhile . " You see , we all thought Jesus made up a bunch of convoluted stuff just to confuse John 's arrogant disciples . It wasn 't until after he was resurrected and gone that we realized what he was saying . He was the groom who would be taken and the Kingdom he was bringing was so new that it couldn 't be just mixed in with the old . The old way wouldn 't contain it . Remember what I wrote about Jesus at his baptism , " Suddenly he knew that he was to lead God 's people on a new path … into a new kingdom … a kingdom , not about law , but about love ; not about rules , but about righteousness ; and he knew that he was to be that path . " Well , the old is rarely excited about the new . And the old Kingdom , even the one we were hoping for , was not prepared for what Jesus was bringing . We would find that out soon enough . Being a tax collector , Matthew was a pretty rich guy and the first thing a rich guy wants to do when anything happens is throw a party . They don 't care what it 's about ; they 'll celebrate anything because they can afford to throw great parties . So , this life changing decision to follow Jesus starts out with a banquet . The rest of us didn 't mind . We really didn 't like the idea of a tax collector joining us , but we didn 't feel strongly enough about it to miss a party . Besides , we knew that Jesus was going to reach out to whoever he wanted and he wasn 't going to listen to us . So , it was party time . Matthew knew how to be a great host . He invited all of his friends to come so they could meet Jesus , too . His family wasn 't so sure of what was going on , though . They were glad he was leaving the service of Rome , but leaving everything to follow a teacher around wasn 't really their idea of a wise career move . While we were inside eating , some religious leaders and the lawyers who had argued with Jesus earlier came by and were standing out front . Matthew and a couple of us went out and he invited them in . He was just fooling around ; since he knew they wouldn 't come in and eat with us . One of the lawyers asked , " Why does Jesus eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners ? " Matthew laughed , " Because we 're more fun than you guys . " We all laughed , but they didn 't think it was very funny . They don 't think anything is funny . Jesus had noticed something happening and he came outside and asked , " What 's going on ? " The lawyer started , " The law says if you eat with these people , you 're unclean . " Jesus smiled and asked , " God 's law or your law ? " Nobody answered , they just glared … they knew the answer . Jesus waited a little to let them think about it and squirm , and then he went on , " Do people go to the doctor if they don 't know they 're sick ? Of course not , only sick people go to a doctor . You need to learn what Hosea meant when he said , ' I want you to show love , not offer sacrifices . ' You 've missed that part . You 're all about the sacrifices , but you don 't know anything about the love and mercy . You see , I have not come for those who think they are righteous , like you … but for those who know they are sinners . " Well , the discussion changed pretty quickly from unclean to , " Who do you think you are to tell us we only think we 're righteous . Besides that , why would you be calling sinners , they just need to offer sacrifices for their sins and change their ways . Nothing you are saying makes any sense . " Jesus just listened and smiled at them . You know that smile . The one someone has when they know something you don 't know . Jesus said , " Maybe someday you 'll understand what I mean . " Then we watched them storm off . I looked at Jesus and said , " A lot of what you say doesn 't make any sense to us either . " He put his arm around my shoulder and whispered , " I know , but it will , and at least you 're trying . That 's enough for right now . "

I didn 't go to the PTSD meeting today . Just too many roadblocks . I 've been keeping busy during this week off . I made a list and have knocked most of the chores off it already . I even added a few and discharged them . I still am unsure how things will go when I get back to school on Monday . I have to find a way to get back and stay back . Last week I was unable to go to work on consecutive days . We had a snow day last Wednesday , so I was only in school on Monday and Thursday . I can 't keep doing that . I 'll quickly run out off sick days . I am owed 61 hours of missed prep periods , which means I could miss 12 days and they 'd still owe a few hours , but it doesn 't work like that . I still feel a little numb and slow , but have only had one disturbing new event . When I try to sleep or when my mind wanders , I see myself standing across the street from my classroom . I 'm looking up at my window and , just in my field of view to my right , I see myself standing in front of the kid with the gun in the same area it all took place . There 's no sound or movement . It 's a like a posed scene . No sense of menace or threat , just an odd sense of seeing myself seeing myself . It 's like the feeling I tried to describe earlier of how , during the event , my mind seemed to split , part of it observing and commenting on the action . Except now I seem to have constructed another me , a third me , witnessing the action out of the corner of my eye . I don 't know why I 'm across the street from my school looking up at my classroom . Perhaps I feel like I 'm being kept away from teaching by the events playing out on my periphery . No response from DFT union president , although he said that he would do what he could to help . No response from my principal , either . I suspect both of them are on vacation somewhere this week . I wasn 't planning to write anything tonight . It 's been a dull day interspersed with errands and chores . But I just saw a brief report from one of the local papers that there was a shooting about four blocks south of my school . Two thirty - year olds , one dead at the scene , one rushed to the hospital with a bullet wound to the head . He 's in critical condition . The East Side of Detroit is so violent this probably has no connection with the incident at my school , but it could . It also could have repercussions , as family members and gang members try to even the score . I 'm probably overreacting and nothing will happen , but who knows ? The next decision is whether or not to go to a PTSD group that the psychiatrist in charge has invited me to join . KS thinks I should , but joining groups is difficult for me in the best of times . When I think about this group , I imagine that the people in the group have suffered " real " trauma that eclipses my trivial experience . When I think about going , I feel like a fraud , like I 'm trading on the experience somehow . Oh , well . I 'll decide later . I wouldn 't bet on my going . I went to class to this morning , but more physically present than mentally . I wasn 't much interested in another lecture on behaviorism . My mind wandered and , one or twice , I realized that my chest was tightening and my breathing was shallow and rapid . There is a cocky bastard in the class and I usually ignore him , but I couldn 't today . I challenged him several times before I realized that it was pointless . When he couldn 't deal with my arguments , he just repeated his points in a more insistent manner . I finally ignored him because I wanted the class to end as soon as possible and I realized that I wasn 't angry at the fool , I was just angry . I wandered home slowly , stopping at Target for no real reason . I drifted around the store and bought a few things that I really didn 't need . Then I headed home . I spent the rest of the day at my desk or napping . Tomorrow I want to make a plan for the next eight days . I want a list of things to do so I can stay focused and feel that I got something done . Yesterday , as I thought about nine days off , I wanted to go to a dealer , buy a car , and go somewhere . I didn 't care where . I imagined some smallish city like Cincinnati , or Louisville . Maybe Pittsburg . A moderately priced suite in a hotel just off the interstate . Wander around during the day , seeing new things . Quiet nights at the suite . But I didn 't want to go alone and KS has commitments all week . She needs the car . And I couldn 't leave her here on her own . I 'd worry about her safety the whole time . So I 'm here and I want to stay busy . As expected , I didn 't hear from either the union or my principal . I suspect that my principal wants this whole thing to disappear and she 'd like me to fall off the face of the Earth to further that end . She 'll shit when she hears that I 've been talking to the Union about this . After all , I went out there and she stayed in her office . I 'd love to see her statement to the DPS police . I heard that she was incensed that our female , overweight , 50 's - ish unarmed security guard didn 't rush outside and wrestle the gunman to the ground . KS reminds me that my principal 's probably upset also , but I know that I would have checked in with her if the roles were switched . But that 's something I 'll never have to worry about . I go back and forth on this thing . Am I making too much of it ? It 's been a week and the event is fading into unreality . But the emotions bubble up at odd times and the memories come back . The anxiety returns . I need to find something to do to get my mind away from this . I 'm going see if KS wants to join the Y . We 've talked about it and it might help . I miss the physicality of my younger years . Maybe I can regain some of that feeling . I also need to return to my classes . I 'll go tomorrow . The other class doesn 't meet until three weeks from Monday . I need to return to that one as well . I am very glad that winter break has begun . I hope that after this week I can get back to school on a regular basis . I need to get back . Up and down , anxious and angry . I went to school today and arrived nervous . I 'd taken half a Klonopin and that helped , but I was still anxious . I had to reassemble my room again , but there was less damage that last time . I guess I made my point . I got through the morning by keeping things moving at a breakneck speed . The usual suspects tried to play around and generally act like idiots , but I just kept moving . By eleven , my anxiety was rising and I took the other half of the Klonopin . I took the kids to lunch and had to deal with the usual chaos in the hallways and lunchroom . I made my way back to my room , avoiding the packs of kids wandering around in the halls . I had lunch with a friend who had been out sick since before last Friday . Her room was vandalized on Tuesday . She was still out sick and her door was left unlocked . Some kids smashed the door handle free of the door . They then used the handle to smash the glass in the window of the door . Not satisfied , they picked up her computer and monitor and smashed both of them . If I had been at school that day , I would have heard it . She 's only two doors down from me . I would have heard and gone to investigate . I wouldn 't have gone empty - handed . As I was going back to my room , a bunch of middle - school boys were running down the hallway . They weren 't supposed to be on the floor and my thoughts were still on the damage to my friends room . These kids were strong possibilities . I tried to stop the boys and get them to go back downstairs . The pushed past me laughing . I caught up to one boy , the one I knew was the leader . He is a totally useless punk . Before I knew it , he was yelling at me and insulting me . And I was yelling back . He stepped toward me and I said to him , " So what are you going to do ? " At that time , at that moment , I wanted him to take a swing at me . I would have have smashed him . He kept jawing , but kept his distance . I realized that I could smash him , but I couldn 't win . Somehow I turned away . I went to my room , locked the door , and stepped away from the door . I considered calling KS and having her come and get me . In the end , I decided to try and make it through the day . I picked up my afternoon class , and sealed myself off from the insanity in hallways , as I got back to room as quickly as possible . I told the class that I needed their cooperation , that I wasn 't in any mood to put up with any stupidity . I know that isn 't the best thing to say , but that is what I felt and that is what I did . Almost immediately , my most annoying student rose to the challenge . Within ten minutes he 'd tired of arguing and flipped me the bird . He also mumbled something about hitting me . I kicked him out of my room and sent him to the office . About 15 minutes , he was back , smiling and grinning . No admittance note from the principal , no suspension , no nothing . Five minutes later , he got tired of annoying everyone around him and me , in particular . Something in his addled brain convinced him that it would be a good idea to leap out of his chair toward me . He sits about six feet from me and his leap brought him too far inside my personal space . I shoved a desk out of the way and turned toward him . The look on my face and tightness of my muscles scared the shit of him . He turned and ran from the room . I called the office and reported the incident . The Secretary asked for a report and wrote it up . I sent the second note to the office . The kid never returned to my class . I didn 't care were he was . There were 45 minutes to go until dismissal . The class had dissolved after this latest incident . I 'd had it . If I 'd had a car , I would have left . As it was , I told the class that I was finished for the day and would not speak any more . I cleaned up my materials and gathered up my things . I had no intention of returning on Friday . When I got home I wrote a long email to my principal . I haven 't seen her all week . She has taken to holing up in her office with the door closed . I 've emailed her and tried to talk to her , but she has not said one word to me all week . I have been in touch with the Union president . A close friend of mine who is very active in the union strongly recommended this action and I grudgingly took her advice . He said he was going to find help for me , but I was so upset when he was talking to me that I messed up his email address . I 'm embarrassed to call him back . I 've asked the friend who recommended him to forward the details to him , but tonight was an ugly union meeting and everyone is busy , I guess . No response from either person . I 'm not going to school tomorrow . After that I have a week off for winter break . I don 't know what I 'll do when winter break is over . Several people have said I was brave to face down the kid with the gun . Usually they then say I was crazy or beg me never to do it again . I don 't know what to say when they talk of bravery . I didn 't feel brave at the time and I don 't feel brave now . I couldn 't even tell you what bravery means . Something happened and I responded . I didn 't decide what to do , I just acted . I was aware of all the kids and gun . I was aware of the danger to all of them . I knew that I was in danger as well , but somehow that didn 't matter . I just knew that the kid couldn 't start shooting . He just couldn 't . I was there and I had to stop him . And I know that I would do it again . Bravery seems so demeaned these days . Perhaps all values are , I don 't know . Maybe the corruption of our times has left no ideal untarnished . No worthy act or sentiment can escape exploitation by the all consuming money machine . After the first two world wars , some poets forsook poetry claiming that language had been so corrupted that poetry was impossible . Maybe that time has come for words like " bravery . " Maybe I 'm just full of shit . When I got home Friday night , I was still calm . I wondered if I was in shock , but I wasn 't sure what shock was . I remember reading about wrapping people up in blankets or giving them brandy . KS assured me that brandy wasn 't a good a idea and , besides , we didn 't have any . That sense of observing myself continued and with it flowed a general feeling of unreality . I let KS take over and she got me into bed . KS was also shaken up , of course , but she kept talking to me and listening as well . She told me what was likely to come as my split mind converged on the memory of the incident . She fed me , and loved me , and put me to sleep . While I slept , she was by my side , only dozing herself , watching over me . The rest of the weekend slid by in a slow , featureless trickle . I didn 't go to my Saturday class . I just couldn 't . The hours blurred . I made a short trip out to the store , but mostly I stayed at my desk or napped . I kept thinking about the incident or other incidents that might occur on Monday . I found myself thinking about weapons that I could lay my hands on in my classroom . I had been able to make an appointment with a psychiatrist for first thing Monday morning and I was counting on that . From there , I was determined to go school and see if I could return to work . On Monday morning , I went to the psychiatrist and showed her the transcript I had written Friday evening . She was very concerned about my state of mind . She offered to give me a medical pass to miss work for the next week . The week after is winter break , so that would be two weeks off . I said no . I was afraid that if I didn 't go back , I might not ever go back . She agreed and said that was the best thing to do , if I could . She gave me a medical leave form for Tuesday through Friday , in case I needed it . She also gave me the name of a doctor on the staff who specialized in PTSD and told me to call him directly if I needed more help . She kept my incident report and I suspected that she might show it to him . She also gave me a prescription for Klonopin , an anti - anxiety medication , and recommended that I take one before I returned to school . I did . I returned to school about 10 : 45 a . m . on Monday . I didn 't know the name of the kids involved in the incident . I didn 't know why the thing had happened . When the middle school kids came roaring past me in hall , I flinched . My team - teacher was watching both of the 5th grade classes and he told me to take it easy . He 'd keep them until lunch at noon . I went in and cleaned up my room a bit . I made myself go over to the window and look out onto the site where most of the incident took place . During lunch , three middle school boys were running through the second floor . They should have been in the lunchroom . These boys do this everyday , and everyday I write them up and the office does nothing . As usual , they mouthed off and walked past me like I didn 't matter . I didn 't know the leader 's name , but he was wearing a ghetto special T - shirt , white covered in brand names written in ornate gold script . He wouldn 't tell me his name , so I said , " Oh well , with that shirt on I 'll be able to find you . " " And I 'll be able to find you , " he said . My stomach tightened , my face hardened , and my fists clenched . He stood there looking at me , and his buddies pulled him away . They hustled him downstairs and I slowly exhaled . Had he moved toward me , I 'm not sure what I would have done . I went and got my class as swiftly as I could . I kept the door closed and locked the rest of the day , a complete departure for me . I ignored the yelling and banging in the boy 's bathroom across the hall . I ignored the screams and thundering feet in the hallway as middle school kids changed rooms . Normally , I am out there trying to gain control of the chaos . I couldn 't do it today . I sent one kid to the office within five minutes of class and had written up three other within ten . I realized that I had to get control of myself , so I held the last three forms , but the first kid had to go . I was afraid I would hit him if he continued to disrupt the class , and he always continued . Just before dismissal , I told them about the kid with gun , leaving out my part , and warned them that they need to go straight home , no hanging around , no clowning . If something started , a fight , or worse , they need to run away from it , not toward it like so many kids always did . When 4 : 15 finally arrived , I simply opened my classroom door and told the kids to get their things and go straight home . I couldn 't face walking my class through the chaos of dismissal . When the bell rang , I was packed and ready to go . KS was waiting in the parking lot and I was gone by 4 : 20 . This is our usual pattern , as I have a Monday night class . Half - way home I realized that I could not go to class . I 'd made it through school , but it had drained me . I just wanted to go to bed . When I got home I sat down at my desk and tried to think . I tried listening to a audiobook , hoping it would fill my mind , but that didn 't work . I tried a mystery , a history , another mystery , music , but nothing would soothe . I finally selected an old , familiar mystery , one of favorites , put in my ear buds , and played hand after hand of high speed solitaire . I was trying to stay on the curl of the wave that building inside me . About 8 : 30 the wave crashed and drew me under . I put my head on my desk and started to cry . I cried like I had never had cried before in my life . Not my father 's death , not the divorce of an unfaithful wife , not my experience in DC , nothing . I could not stop crying . KS was downstairs , and when she heard me , she ran up the steps to see what was wrong . All I could say was that I couldn 't stop crying . She held me and soothed me , gave me whatever comfort she could . I cried for at least an hour and a half . She helped me to bed and covered me . She held me and wiped my face with a cool washcloth . She told me that this was normal and that it would pass . And I cried . When I was able to stop , I knew that I would not be able to go to school on Tuesday . On Tuesday morning , I left messages for the psychologist and the PTSD expert . I emailed a good friend , who is a building rep , to see if the union had any services . She was shocked at what had happened and gave me the Union president 's personal phone number . She insisted that I call him . She said that he would want to know about this and that he could help . After a few hours , I decided to call the union president . He was stunned that this had happened and that no one seemed to have heard about it . I reminded him that education is built on the big lie . It was after 5 pm at this point and a heavy snow storm was coming our way . We were pretty sure that Wednesday would be a snow day , but he promised to get back to me by Thursday . I didn 't hear from either psychiatrist on Wednesday . Tuesday night was very tense . I kept watching the weather radar , praying for snow . KS kept checking the school closings and , although districts all around us were closing , neither of ours were . My district closed schools at 4 : 30 a . m . while her 's waited until 6 : 00 a . m . Meanwhile my stomach stayed in knots all night as I waited for the damn snow . KS finally settled me down by saying that snow or no snow , I wasn 't going in . At 8 : 30 , Wednesday morning , the PTSD specialist called . He was matter of fact and reassured me that my crying was to be expected . He gave me a brief run down on what to expect and encouraged me to get to school as soon as possible . I told him that was what I wanted to do . He said then I should go to it . He ended by saying that if I felt I needed it , he ran a PTSD group that met at 11 : 00 Wednesdays and that all I had to do was show up . I thanked him , and said that I was going to try going back to school first . I haven 't heard from the Union president , but , to be fair , a snow day makes everyone hard to reach . I guess that where things are , here on Wednesday night . As the night goes on , I 'm starting to feel tense . I guess that 's to be expected . I 'm going to try to push through the next two days to reach winter break . Six hours ago , I spent five minutes about six inches away from a angry kid with a pistol . I think it was five minutes , it 's hard to be exact . All I know is that he wanted to shoot a kid from our school and somehow he left without anyone getting hurt . About 3 : 30 pm , fifteen minutes after dismissal , I went to office the see if everything was alright . All week about a dozen middle school girls had been fighting after school in front of the school . On Thursday , yesterday , several girls had brought knives to school . As I walked toward the office , several teachers and parents were pointing toward the front door and shouting " There 's a fight . " I ran out of the door and saw about a hundred kids running and screaming toward a knot of bodies on the ground . I jumped the low fence and ran across the front yard toward the center of the convergence . A tall kid dressed in an oversized , solid - black , cotton sweatsuit got to his feet and ran around the corner . Kids were running everywhere , but most were going around the same corner . Two boys flanked the kid in the sweatsuit and appeared to be with him . I turned the corner where two school buses were idling . The crowd had thinned out , so I thought it might be over . Then I saw the kid in the sweatsuit and his two friends coming back in a half - trot . The kid in the sweatsuit had a glazed , angry look on his face and his friends were pointing and yelling , " He 's over there . " I took a few steps back to see if any of the other teachers or maybe the police were behind me . All I saw was kids running back the way they came , running from the kid in the black sweatsuit . Some were shouting " He 's got a gun ! " Others were just shouting . The three kids cut between the buses and headed around to the front of the school . I ran up behind the kid in the sweatsuit . Passing two parents , I yelled at them to call the police . Two of my students , drawn as always to the excitement , were ahead of me and only about ten feet from the kid with the gun . I yelled at them to get away . One stopped and looked at me , anThe kid with the gun was just standing there , about fifteen feet in front me . He was looking around and his buddies were jumping , yelling , and pointing . I looked around and saw a four - foot long branch about three - inches thick lying on the ground . I picked it up and walked toward the kid with the gun . This whole time , he had held the gun under his oversized sweatshirt . I never saw it , but I saw its outline as he ran . I decided that if I saw his hand start to come out from under the sweatshirt , I was going to hit his wrist as hard as could and then go for his groin , eyes , and throat . The branch was rotten , and I was worried that it wouldn 't be solid enough , but it was I had . I ran toward the kid with the gun , staying behind him . As I got closer , I threw the stick down . I just did . I don 't know why . As I got close to the kid , he and friends turned around and started back in my direction . I had the sense that I was invisible to them . I was just another white teacher who didn 't matter . They didn 't even look at me as they trotted past . I turned and followed . Kids were still running all over . The kid with the gun turned back toward the main crowd of students . This time , I put myself directly in his path . I raised my hands , open - palmed , and held them up in front of his chest . I looked him in his eyes and started talking . For the next five minutes or so we were never more than six inches apart . I kept talking to him in a soft voice saying things like , " You need to go home . Turn around , it 's going to be alright , but you 've got to stop this right now . The police are coming , you 've still got a chance to walk away . If you keep going , this 'll land you in jail . Come on , do the right thing , you know the right thing , turn around , time to go home . " I kept my eyes on his eyes , but I could see his right hand shoved under his sweatsuit . I decided that if he pulled it out , I was going to have to leap at him , with him skull aimed for his nose . After that , I had no idea what would happen . He kept ignoring me . He was about six feet tall and he kept looking over my shoulder and trying to go around me . He would slap my hands away , and I would raise them up again . I kept my body in front of him , but stepped back a bit when he tried to push past me . The only thing he ever said was , " I been to jail . I don 't care about jail . " Later one of the my fellow teachers told me the kid with gun was a 9th grader from the nearby high school . Once one of his friends , an eighth - grader at our school , tried to get between us so his friend with the gun could get away from me . He grabbed at my hands , but I kept close to the kid with gun and the other kid couldn 't get between us . During the time I was locked up with the kid with the gun , I had no idea what else was going on around me . My mind was strangely calm . It felt like my mind had split into two pieces . One was acting and responding , and the other was observing and commenting on the activity swirling around me . The acting part moved and spoke and rapidly decided what to do . The observing part noted the danger and shrugged . Yes , this is dangerous , it said , but what else can you do ? Oddly , I felt no fear . I felt danger and risk and realization that this could end up very badly . But felt is the wrong word . I thought those things , or rather , the observing mind thought those things . Finally , the kid with the gun and friends turned and headed away from school . I walked a little way behind them and then stood and watched while they turned down a side street . I waited a bit , until I was sure they didn 't return . Turning away , I walked to the front of school to see what was going on there . A boy , he must have been 13 or 14 walked toward me . His arm was draped over the tiny shoulders of very young girl . He was pulling her close to him , trying to protect her . He looked scared . " Where did they go ? , " he asked . I told him and pointed him in safe direction to walk . He nodded and swiftly headed off in that direction , the young girl glued to his side .

She began with the caravan from Alabama to Costa Rica , and her mother 's hospitalization in Mexico . " My mother was gone from us for half a year , " she said . " I was too little to understand . We needed to reach our new place before the rainy season . She made us go on without her . " The land in Costa Rica was on a mountain , a cloudforest so high and so remote the men needed a month to build the road and winch the buses to their land . Her mother rejoined them , and was fine for years , but then began to suffer from hepatitis , which went undiagnosed for a decade . She talked about riding horses , and milking cows , and wandering the forest with her brother , collecting bird feathers and eggs . " I dreamed about getting away , getting an education . " She won a scholarship for birthright Quakers . Until it was time to go she rode her horse everywhere , saying goodbye to the places and people she had grown up with . She didn 't know when she would return , and she wanted to remember . Now that she was leaving , as she had always aspired to , she understood how much she loved all these people , all these places , even all these plants and animals and houses and barns , loved them to the verge of pain , and could not comprehend how she had failed to notice the strength of that feeling . A few weeks before she left , her mother died from the hepatitis . She began to fall asleep on the sofa just before dawn , talking about her journey to the United States : " The airplane surprised me . So functional . So modern to be inside a machine . To be carried in it , through the air . Wonderful . I didn 't know how to fasten the strap around my waist , and the woman in the uniform had to show me . The window was like a porthole on a ship . The propellors spun , so slowly , then they blurred . " She yawned . " It stopped at the end of the runway . The roaring got louder , and everything vibrated . To be contained inside this - - craft - - and passive . Nothing I could do . I started to panic , and then I looked at everyone around me , and they were reading magazines or staring out the window . They didn 't seem to think it was anything unusual . Then we drifted forward , and the speed gathered me . It was thrilling . I thought it was too late and we would never fly , we would all die , but there was a thud and we went up , and tilted . Then I saw the trees lowering and the city below , and the plane went forward and up and finally levelled off . The land was under us , and the clouds whipped past like rapids . I was entering a greater scope . My new life . " That night I stayed in a hotel , and I didn 't know what room service was so I went hungry . I pressed the knob on the television , then I pulled out on it , and heard a popping noise , and saw a point of light that became a picture . It seemed like an alien artifact . Was that all ? It didn 't look like much . " The next morning I got my last flight , then I got a bus into town . Then I took another bus to Lawrence . I was proud of myself . I didn 't make any mistakes . " But I forgot to tell you my favorite special thing . There was a huge tree behind the barn and my father needed wood , so he cut it down . But he left the stump tall . I was only five , and there weren 't any children my age . He made it into a playhouse . He cut the top like a pencil point , and shingled it . He hollowed the inside into a little room . Then he made a table and chair from some of the wood and made a door , with a lock , and gave me the key on my sixth birthday . He wouldn 't tell me what he was doing until he gave me the key , and that was the most wonderful moment of my life , until I won my scholarship . I always wore the key around my neck , even when I slept . We cut niches and shelves in the inside walls where I could put my books and things . And we cut holes for windows . When I wanted to be alone , or study , I 'd go in and light the lantern and close the door and no one would bother me . " She pressed a hand to her chest and yawned again . " Every year when the rainy season ended , I scrubbed the inside of my house with lye and took out the windows so it would be fresh . I 've never seen light like that . It was - - diffuse - - it was mellow , and the shade changed all day . Then my friend Maria gave me some colored glass , and I used that . I arranged them so in the afternoon there were red , yellow and blue stripes on the floor . I called it the rainbow hour . " He had no desire to rest , only to think about her . He draped the blanket over her , and watched from his chair . She had looked at him with as little reservation as her speech showed . He had never imagined such guilelessness . She watched until he wondered whether she would speak again . " The fire hydrant has on a white cap , like in a children 's story . Everything is so smooth , and all the lines from the trees , the shadows , they 're crossing like a river delta . " She looked for a moment , and said , " The shadows are blue . How odd . " She stared for minutes , the light full on her face . been anywhere , never seen anything , never had any interesting experiences . I 've read books and milked cows and ridden horses and watched birds and grown vegetables , and nothing else . " She laughed again . " You think your life is ordinary ? You have electricity and movies and central heating and indoor plumbing and you can get any book you want . You have a telephone if you want to call someone . Lawrence is full of people and interesting things to do . This is not ordinary , not at all . " " Help me , " she pleaded . " Please . The only place I 've been since I was old enough to remember was Monteverde , and San Jose two or three times . Everything I knew about the States I either overheard , or read , or listened to on short - wave radio . I don 't understand politics . People don 't dress plainly , like Quakers or Ticos . There aren 't any horses , and the cars aren 't all worn out , and the roads are paved . The trees drop their leaves all together ! The days are getting short . To me , ' winter ' means the rainy season , in July . I 'd never seen ice cubes , or blue jays , or popcorn . I don 't know how to get on escalators . So this is not ordinary . Not to me . You have to tell me everything . I need to know . I don 't understand this place , or these people . " " I only wanted to hear about you . I 'm not very good at this . " He stopped . She said nothing ; she was going to outwait him . " I have a brother , " he began . The snowplow went by about noon , as his voice was wearing out . She looked at the clock and said it was time to go . He loaned her a coat . She dropped the snow . " I should have known it wouldn 't have any taste . It 's only water . " With the back of a hand she brushed the flakes of snow from her lips . She aimed at a tree , and her windup was awkward , with the shoulder movement of unathletic girls . She cried " Oh , no ! " when the snowball shattered and left a lump on a car instead of the tree . She laughed when she saw that she 'd done no harm . Traffic was light . They walked in the street to avoid the deep snow . She wobbled on the icy patches , and he had to steady her several times . He tried to keep her elbow in his hand but she pulled it free . At the door of her room she said , " Thank you . You 've been very kind . I 'm sorry to have put you to all that trouble . " " Trouble ? No . That was the best conversation I 've had since , I don 't know . I 've never . . . " He looked , but couldn 't hold his eyes on hers , and averted his gaze . " There 's time . You know . Thanksgiving break . No classes . We could get some lunch . " " I shouldn 't . " She took off his coat and handed it to him . She opened the door , which wasn 't locked . " Goodbye , " she said . " Thank you . " He saw her on campus early the next week , in the distance , but didn 't manage to catch her before she vanished into Strong Hall . He waited two days , so her class schedule would be the same . He positioned himself at the door , and caught her arriving . She smiled , brilliantly . The sight of her went straight into him , and toppled an equilibrium he hadn 't known he had . Someone was singing an aria . This girl was worth giving up everything for . What am I thinking ? he wondered . I don 't believe in this . It only happens in songs . She replied after a moment , as if considering what to say . " Fine . You probably saved me from getting ill . I didn 't thank you properly . That was so very kind of you , to help me that way . " She started to touch his arm , and stopped just short . She arrived before him . He saw her sitting outside the Union , on the low brick wall between the patio and the sidewalk . The crowd flowed past ; unbelievably , no one seemed to notice her . " I 'm glad we chanced on each other again , " she said . " I forgot your last name . I felt guilty about keeping your clothes . " She laughed : three short notes , the second and third an interval of a perfect fifth above the first one . " My roommate thought I 'd had a boy in the room . She said it was the last thing she expected . " They traded sacks and she said , " See my coat ? It 's heavy . I learned my lesson . " She held up an arm and showed him . A navy blue wool coat ; a pea coat . " It 's used . " It was too big . He guessed that for her , saving money would be more important than clothing that fit . " Now you need a scarf and a pair of gloves and a hat , " he said . " And winter shoes , so you don 't slip when you walk . " " I have a lot to learn . One of the girls on my floor wouldn 't believe I don 't have any dresses until I showed her my closet . She said the police will arrest me because my clothes are a crime . " They walked toward the door . He heard a dull explosion and saw the glass of the door bow toward them and distort their reflections like a funhouse mirror . He stopped . No one else had paid attention ; they were going about their business . He looked at Ada , who was staring at the glass . Then she looked at him . The wind lifted her hair momentarily He held the door for her , feeling a doubleness , an unfamiliar dissociation . He watched himself walk to the counter , buy two cups of coffee , and join her at a table . " You flew , " he said , " to get here . You 'd never done that ? " " No . It was so different . All my life I walked on the ground , and then I was in the air , and it was like seeing , like seeing from heaven . I looked out the window the entire way . My neck got sore from being turned one direction so long , even when we were in the clouds and I couldn 't see through them . Clouds like a kingdom of dreams . But I like it better when you can see the land . All the rivers and the highways were tiny , and so were the cities at night in the dark with their lights on and the lights of the cars . It was magic . Everything opened up . It was the same feeling I get when I learn something . " " Yes . The campus feels like a town . It 's very big , isn 't it ? And I 'm used to looking at everyone and saying hello and stopping and talking , but there are so many people here , and I don 't know them . At home I knew everyone by name , and their parents , and their children and husbands and wives . It 's odd , being among strangers , in crowds all the time . I tried to nod to everyone the first day , but I had to stop . There were too many people , and they ignored me or acted surprised . Nobody nodded back . I 'm learning not to look at them . " She stared at her coffee . " Oh . It 's so different . I 'm not used to handling money . I never handled money until it was time to come here , and they explained , and made me practice . I 'm glad they did . I didn 't know what ' change ' was . . . I miss the green . Everything was green at home . I used to go barefoot when it was dry . Sometimes I wore sandals . When it rained , I wore rubber boots . Now I wear these . " She pointed to her sneakers . They were bright red Keds , the sort Wyatt had owned in grade school . Not even children had those now ; he 'd assumed they 'd disappeared from the planet . " It 's just as my teacher warned me . Everything is different . The roads are paved . People don 't act the same . Some of the boys are so rough and loud they frighten me , and everyone is always in a hurry . Especially when they drive . There 's so much traffic I 'm afraid to cross the street . " The silence stretched too long for him ; it seemed not to bother her . " Too many people ? " he asked . So much was missing . I couldn 't understand why my parents would give up their place in a rich country to come to a poor country , why they had exchanged a broader life for a narrow , cramped one . They took it much too far . But now I 'm here and I truly don 't belong . The evening before classes started my roommate invited her friends from high school to our room . Every one of those girls was beautiful . They had perfect hair , and nice clothes , and they all knew what to do . The orientation didn 't confuse them . I thought , even if I get the academic things and the bureaucratic things figured out , like getting a social security number , I 'll never fit in . They asked me out for pizza , and one of them offered to let me drive her nice new car . I don 't even know how to drive a car . Everyone knows how to drive a car , don 't they ? I 'd never even used a phone , and the first time I needed to , my roommate had to show me how , and she looked so sorry for me . . . So when they invited me and I didn 't know what pizza looked like I thought I might embarrass myself . I said no thank you , and after they left I went in the bathroom and cried . Then I wrote my father and asked to come home . " When Wyatt didn 't answer she said , " I shouldn 't have told you this . You 're such a good listener , I forgot myself and kept going . " " No , " he said . He grabbed for her and in reaching out snagged his sleeve on the corner of the table . Unaware for a moment of the impediment , he pulled harder , and the table skittered across the floor with a scraping sound , cups bouncing and coffee slopping . The image of himself in a silent movie flicked through his brain : an inept man battling some recalcitrant , inanimate object . He yanked . His arm rose , but only because the button from his shirt cuff had popped loose and flown away . It sailed in an arc , landed , and rolled on its edge across the floor . Ada burst into laughter . " I 've never seen anything like that . " She stepped on the button , which had circled round , and picked it up and handed it to him . " I think your father is a wise man . It was hard for me , being halfway across the country . Being on my own . But I got used to it . After a while everything was okay . I was actually enjoying school . You 'll see . " He ran down the stairs and ordered a large supreme . They seemed to take longer than usual to make it . He watched the clock and hoped she was still there , and ran back up the stairs with the pie , two sodas balanced on top . " You let it ferment , " she said . " Curdle is a better word . " She explained the process of separating the curds , squeezing out the water , adding the salt and starter . " You have to milk every day , or the cows ' udders get full and they suffer . So you make cheese because milk spoils fast . Our cheese is - - savorier ? If there 's such a word . Much stronger than this . This is bland . " " Yes . We left partly to get Henry away from the conscription . I 'm glad I 'm not a man . That choice is impossible , deciding whether to take up a weapon at command , or go to prison , or leave your own country . " " The monthly Meeting . They wanted to get away from the wars . So many wars , and our men , so many of them . . . They were worried about the boys . . . My parents didn 't want Henry to have to face that . Prison was hard for my father . It 's the only thing he won 't talk about . " " He was a conscientious objector . It 's the only thing he 's bitter about , that he would be jailed for what he believed . Mother said that he spent a lot of the war in solitary confinement . He wouldn 't do anything he thought would help war work . But he won 't talk about it . He ignores my questions . " Wyatt was stunned that a man would give up all human speech and contact for his beliefs . Best change the subject . " What did you do for fun ? " " I watched birds and collected their eggs . Henry climbed the trees for me . I never took more than one egg from any kind of bird . I read . I read , every minute I could . " She smiled . " There was a lot of work , sometimes we were very busy , but there wasn 't much to do otherwise , nowhere to go . . . I had to keep myself entertained . I wrote in my journals . " " My family , my chores , the books I was reading , but sometimes I wrote stories . I had an imaginary friend , a hero who rescued me when I got in trouble . He was a grandee of the kingdom of Penumbria . He had a white horse and a sword of Toledo steel . His name was Zodon De Castellon . " " Zodon . " de Castel - - what ? " Yes . A honeybee . She used to land on his sleeve , and he would ignore her , or brush her off , but she loved him , so she taught herself to talk , and then they would have long conversations , with her sitting on his ear , and she was such a wonderful talker that he fell in love with her , too . She brought him honey from the hive , and he trusted her to fly into his mouth and put it on his tongue . She used to sleep in his hair , and he always had to wake her in the morning , so she wouldn 't drown when he took his bath . " " Bettina . Bettina the bee . One day at school a girl flirted with the boy , and Bettina was in his hair . She was jealous , and she stung him . He told her to go away . He never wanted to see her again . She tried to apologize , but he chased her away with a flyswatter . Later he was sorry , and he looked for her everywhere , but none of the other bees had learned human language , so they couldn 't understand him . She died of a broken heart , but he never found out . He thought she 'd flown away and left him . It was very sad . " When the Union closed he walked her home in the great wind that howled over the top of Mount Oread in winter . Ada clutched her coat under her chin . Her face was red , and she shivered , but she said nothing . " It helps to wear layers , " he offered . " Buy a quilted shirt . Wear it between your regular shirt and your coat . It traps warm air . And a hat . A hat helps . " But she hadn 't done it after a week . He bought the shirt and a watch cap , and tried to give them to her , but she wouldn 't accept them until he made himself such a pest that it was easier to take them than to put up with his nagging . After that she shivered less . He loved the way she looked with the black cap on her head , wisps of red hair sticking out in back and at her ears . He always wanted to tuck the strands in , but he couldn 't bring himself to touch her . She was intimate only in speech . She seemed , there in her body , to exist in a space separate from his . To touch her would be to breach her . For the next couple of months they met and walked to the library or the Union and talked and studied . Her questions were neverending . She wanted to know about his family , his childhood , his music ; she wanted to know what high school had been like for him ; she couldn 't understand why so many of her classmates didn 't take their studies more seriously , or see the opportunities they were wasting ; she wanted to know what it felt like to drive a car ; she didn 't understand how people could laugh while they poured catsup over the heads of students trying to integrate a lunch counter . Most of her questions he couldn 't answer , some because he didn 't know the answers , others because he didn 't know how to express them , and some because he thought it was better that she go on not understanding . He saw how little he understood of what he had always taken for granted , believing that he knew , but without ever having paid attention , not having asked why since he was a child , until her questions reminded him that he still didn 't understand , he 'd only forgotten to remain curious . He never tired of hearing her voice , or seeing her face . Often , he had to look away , so she wouldn 't notice him staring , and perhaps guess the strength of his feeling . He saw that she was very lonely : her family was distant , her mother had died . She had acquaintances from her classes , but her only friend was her roommate Jackie , and Jackie was a counsellor as much as a friend . There was no one for her to confide in , but it didn 't matter . She was not unfinished , she was simply unpolished . But she was determined , she was patient , she would make her own luck . What she sought would come to her . He knew she would not fail .

So , yesterday was such a beautiful , wonderful , fun and loving day with the boys . I think I wrote something like ' it doesn 't get much better than this ' in yesterday 's post . I guess I should have expected things would take a nose dive today : ) . I heard Nick crying around 3 : 00am and he sounded pretty upset set ( " mommy , daddy , mommy , daddy ! " ) , so I ran upstairs and rocked him for a bit . When I told him that we both needed to go back to bed , he wanted to get into his new bed ( the boys are still sleeping in their cribs at night ) . He has slept in his new twin bed several times now and I was thinking that maybe he had had a bad dream and felt he needed a change of scenery so I tucked him into his twin bed and I went back to bed . Fast forward about thirty minutes . I had not been able to go back to sleep yet and was laying in bed awake . The dad was asleep , never knowing there had been an issue . All of a sudden , out of nowhere , BOOM ! ( that 's what it seemed like ) , the lights in our bedroom were on , right in our faces . Now that is a rude awakening , even when you are already awake . It took the dad a minute to wake up and realize something was going on . Since I was already awake , I sat up and looked towards the light switch . Standing in the doorway next to the light switch with a big smile on his face , was little Nick . He seemed quite happy with himself . After a quick explanation to the dad as to what happened , I turned out the light and took Nick to the living room to rock for a few minutes and explain to him how this is not a good thing to do : ) . For some reason , he had a really hard time sleeping last night and I 'm not sure why . I heard him again around 6 : 30am and he again sounded very upset . I had finally gone back to sleep and was sleeping later than usual , trying to make up for some of the sleep I had lost . I went up to him again and calmed him down . . . . calmed them down , since Ben was now also awake and they both went back to sleep for another hour or so . You would think with all of the time they spent outside yesterday playing at the park ( the dad took them again yesterday afternoon so they ended up going to the park twice yesterday ) , that he would have slept really good . NOT . That 's the first time I have ever had to get up with one of the boys during the night when there was no fever . I hope this is not going to be a regular thing . I really don 't do very well without my sleep . I guess it is not surprising that we are all a bit tired and cranky today . Plus , I took them shopping today , which is not how they really enjoy spending their morning , and I was late fixing their lunch and getting them down for their nap . As the boys are all too quick to say these days , oh well . I went to the Christian bookstore today and bought a DVD that has children singing and doing hand motions to some of the old Christian children 's songs that we used to sing when we were kids . I think the boys will really enjoy watching it . I was singing some of them with them yesterday , from memory , but I knew I was missing a bunch of the ones we used to sing and I could not remember all of the hand motions that went with the songs . I will probably enjoy this DVD as much as the boys do . So the next time they get their hair cut , they will have something new to watch , although we should probably not encourage the hand motions while they are in the barber chair : ) . I also got some small pencil grips that put the kid 's fingers in the correct position to hold the pencil . I am hoping it will help the boys learn how to hold their pencil better and maybe give them more incentive to try to hold it the correct way . We 'll see . I also got a couple of books . One of them is A Survivor 's Guide to Home Schooling which was recommended in one of the seminars I went to at the home schooling convention last weekend . I am looking forward to reading it . . . . which I am going to start now . Bye . Yesterday evening we returned from our Kansas City trip . We had such a great time . We stayed with friends with whom we were in Russia on one of our trips . They are such gracious and fun people and we all really had a lot of fun and laughs while we were there . They have two girls from Russia , an almost three year old and a five year old . The boys had so much fun with the girls and it was so cute to watch . The five year old would hold both of the boys ' hands and lead them around and they really liked it . It was adorable . Watching all four of the kids playing together made me think that God surely must have meant for people to have larger families , since children clearly thrive in that situation . We went to K . C . to visit our friends but we also went to attend their homeschooling convention . This was the first homeschooling convention we had ever been to and it was quite an exciting thing for me . I really enjoyed it . There were many wonderful speakers and a couple that were just OK . The great thing is that you can buy CD 's of the seminars that you miss so my husband and I listened to three of them on the way home , while the boys slept . I really enjoyed walking around the exhibit hall and seeing all of the wonderful tools available to homeschoolers these days . It is really amazing how much is out there now to make our jobs easier . There was one speaker who talked about " Homeschooling in the Real World " who I especially liked . That was one of the CD 's that we listened to on the way home and my husband really liked it too . The speaker had some great information and advice . He and his wife are the authors / owners of the ' Our Father 's World ' curriculum , which I enjoyed learning more about . Before attending the convention , I had been leaning towards the ' Tapestry of Grace ' curriculum . They were there also , as was the Sonlight folks , which my friend in K . C . is leaning towards . So she and I both enjoyed getting to talk to reps for all three curriculums and compare and contrast them . After doing this , she is still leaning towards Sonlight and I am leaning towards My Father 's World , although we still have a couple of years before we need to make a decision , so we will keep our eyes and ears open and keep praying about it . We went to church with our friends yesterday and then we all went out to eat at the Rain Forest Cafe . I had been to one a couple of times in Houston but our sons and the dad had not been . All of the kids really enjoyed it . After that , we let them ride a carousel twice . This was the prettiest carousel I have ever seen . It was actually a two story carousel , which I had never seen before . As we left for home , both boys fell asleep not long into the trip . Nick slept until we drove into our city and Ben woke up just a little before that and had a snack . So we had an easy trip back and we drove straight through , which was nice . On the trip there , we stopped about half way to eat and let the kids play , so it added about an hour and a half to our trip . It was a bit colder and wetter there than it was here so the kids did not get to play outside . Also , I had not seen them for the largest part of two days , which is the longest time I have been away from them since I was in the hospital . So this morning , we just took it easy and had fun all morning long . We read books , ate a late breakfast , stayed in our PJ 's later than usual , and colored , cut and paste paper . We went upstairs to get them some clothes and stayed for a while so the boys could jump on the beds . Then we all laid down together on one bed and read a book and then read their Bible and prayed . After that , we got ready to go to the park . We had a beautiful morning at the park . The weather was cool but not cold and it was sunny with bright , blue skies . There were very few people at the park , which was nice because the boys could have a lot more freedom to run around and try different things . We took a walk along the creek in the park and looked at waterfalls , ducks , birds and squirrels . We stopped to look at ants and threw rocks and sticks off the small bridge , into the water below . We ate snacks as we walked and met a dog as we were leaving the park . The boys got to feed the dog a fish cracker , which they thought was great fun . We came back and read some more books , at lunch , played and , finally , it was time for nap , which is where we are now . What a beautiful day . It just does not get much better than this : ) . It seems that sometime , while I was sleeping or something , my little baby boys became little boys . What 's with this seemingly sudden change that toddlers go through around the 2 . 5 year old mark ? The dad noticed it too , so it 's not just me . The boys just seem so different and it seems to have happened so quickly . They remember people , places and events so much better and they talk about them or reenact them more now . After our trip to the park at the end of last week ( our first since last fall ) , they cannot get enough of the park and they talk about it all day long . So we have been to the park three times in four days . They want to be outside all the time , which is great . I love for them to be outside , playing and getting good exercise . They are talking more and more in sentences ( toddler sentences - no prepositions and there are some other things missing but still sentences ) and can better carry one half of a conversation , although there is still a lot of deciphering required to understand it all clearly . . . . though I am improving in that regard . They are very into climbing these days . They now sit on the tall chairs at the kitchen island without booster seats and they climb up and down all on their own ( and pity the one who unknowingly tries to help ! ) . They still sit in their booster seat at the table though . They can open the car door without help , from the inside or the outside and they climb in and out of the car and into and out of their car seats without help . We are working on dressing / undressing skills . They are pretty good on the bottom half but still have trouble getting out of a pull over shirt . They can take their own shoes and socks off . I just bought them a new pair of sandals on Monday , so they are now practicing with their sandals . Nick can put his on by himself , although he needs help with velcro - ing the straps for the correct fit . They can sometimes take them off without help but are still getting the hang of it . I am finding it very interesting how quickly they become independent on so many things . It is truly amazing how God made people , isn 't it ? That He instilled them with this desire to learn to do things for themselves and they protect that and practice it so diligently and with such eagerness and joy just amazes me . I have relocated all of their dishes and some of ours ( the nonbreakable ones ) to shelves within their reach so they now help me by getting plates , bowls and cups and also putting them away when we empty the dishwasher . They can also reach the silverware drawer well enough ( on tiptoes ) to get their own forks and spoons and they pull up a stool to help put away the clean silverware . They can also help empty the trash , load the washing machine ( they sit on the dryer and I hand them the clothes ) , load the dryer and empty the dryer . And they love to help pour and stir when I am preparing food in the kitchen . They are quite the little helpers these days and it makes them so happy to be able to help . They really are such pleasant little boys and I just love them so very much . We are enjoying the beautiful spring weather we have been having lately and spending a lot of time outdoors . Yesterday we spent all morning at the zoo and we had a great time . Unfortunately , since it is towards the end of the school year , there were lots of bus loads of kids there and the place was packed . This wasn 't so bad , since it is a pretty good size zoo , except for when we were playing at the park that is inside the zoo . Trying to keep track of two when there are that many children is quite a challenge , although the boys were pretty good ( sometimes reluctantly : ) at staying together and nearby to where I was . They spent a good deal of time playing on this truck - like climbing toy . It was quite large . When they were sitting in ' the cab ' of the truck , they were at eye level with me . It had a steering wheel and they both really enjoyed driving and they were pretending they were going to see Papa and Mimi , Mama and Aunt Kathy , and Uncle Kenny ( Uncle Kenny has been taking showers and eating dinner here off and on lately , as he has been staying with a friend who is in the hospital nearby ) . At one point , Ben was driving the truck and Nick was playing in the back part of the truck . This group of boys , probably around 8 years old , descended upon the truck . . . they were everywhere . I was helping Nick with something , while keeping my eye on Ben . These boys started moving in on Ben and were basically in the process of intimidating him and taking over the steering wheel , when I moved back by the window near Ben . I let them know , very nicely but firmly , that he was playing with it , he was only two years old and what they were doing was not very nice . They looked a bit ashamed of themselves as they moved away from him . I find it very interesting how bold kids become when acting in a group , whereas it is likely that , had only one of those boys been there , he would not have considered doing what the group was trying to do . There was another situation where Ben wanted to ride one of those animals on the springy thing . He was standing near it , waiting for me to put him on it , so he kind of had his back to it . Two boys got on it and Ben started whining about it and pointing to it . I told him he had to wait his turn and he still stood nearby , whining / crying . One of the boys told the other one , " that little boy wants to ride this " ( they were a little old for it ) and he got off so the other boy did too . Ben and I told them " thank you " . So , in that case , it was nice to see those two boys do the right thing . Anyway , the boys especially enjoyed riding the carousel and the train and playing in the park and petting the goats and sheep and , of course , seeing all of the animals . Even though we had the stroller , they walked ( and ran ) a good amount of the time . At one point , they were running and Ben fell down and skinned both knees but he bounced back fairly quickly . We were late getting home for nap time so they were pretty exhausted by the time they finally were in bed . Last evening after dinner , we all went for a walk and took some bread with us to feed the geese at the neighborhood pond . We live in a hilly neighborhood and we ended up walking a loop , which meant that we had to climb two large hills . The boys did great , although Ben did let us know that it was a " hard hill " both times we were climbing up . He did very well though and seemed to be commenting rather than complaining . We ended up feeding two geese , four ducks and a turtle so the boys really enjoyed that . They were , once again , exhausted when they went to bed . . . and so was mom : ) . We had such a nice weekend . The weather here was absolutely beautiful , sunny and in the high 70 's and low 80 's in the afternoons and then cooling off at night . We hired our babysitter on Saturday . They boys were so excited to see her , they were asking about her at breakfast . She arrived while the boys were napping and we left while they were still asleep . That was the first time we had ever done that so I was not sure how they would do with it but she said they did not cry when they woke up . They were in such a good mood when we got home , it was quite obvious that they had had a wonderful time with her . I am so thankful we found a great babysitter who the boys love . She spent time outside with them , playing in the sandbox and on the swingset and slide and going for a walk . They played with the bean box and they played in the water at the kitchen sink . They always get to do fun things with her and she plays with them the entire time so they have a great time . She fed them their snack and the were eating dinner when we got home , while she read to them . The boys told me that she prayed with them before they ate . Ben also told me that she has nice hair . Isn 't that a funny thing for a two and a half year old to say ? They got to see her again today at church so they were excited to go to church today too . While the boys were having so much fun , the dad and I went looking for tile for our bathroom again . This process is going very slow but it 's a good thing because the shower leaked again recently ( I may have already posted about this but I can 't remember and don 't want to take the time to look it up ) . We had some bad caulk so we think our problem is now fixed . We found several tiles that we liked . We brought one home to look at in our bathroom and the sales lady is going to order a couple of others that we liked and we should have them by Tuesday to see how they look . After looking at tile , we went to the movies . We saw Expelled , No Intelligence Allowed ( I think that 's the name ) . I 'm not sure what I expected but it exceeded my expectations by a lot . It was quite an eye opener and also entertaining . We thought Ben Stein did an excellent job on this documentary and I hope lots of people will see it . Today we went to church and it was our turn to watch over the boys ' class during the worship service hour . This was also quite an eye opener . Our little guys are not so little anymore : ) . It was so funny to see them with all of the other little ones in their class . There were children in there who were about the same age as our sons when they first started going to this class . Our sons were the tallest in the class and appeared to be the oldest . There were two little girls who are probably very close in age but they are small compared to our two . Also , our two seemed to talk more than anyone else but maybe that was because we were in there . While the boys were napping , I went shopping . Yep . I . . . . . . went . . . . . shopping . And I have much more shopping to do . I have been neglecting my wardrobe since we moved here and I quit my job . I have not bought one nice outfit since moving , since I had plenty of stuff from my corporate days . But that can only take one so far and I think I have pushed it further than it should have been pushed . I also need to lose some weight : ( . I ended up just shopping for every day casual stuff today but I still need to buy some nice outfits for church and dressier occasions , although we are pretty casual people and avoid dressy events most of the time , except church of course . I 'm really not looking forward to this shopping thing and , this year , I really must buy a new swim suit also . Yuck . I really dislike buying new swimsuits and don 't particularly enjoy shopping for myself all that much these days . But shop I must so shop I will . I also gave myself a pedicure today , my first for this spring and I 'm enjoying my pretty feet : ) . When the boys woke up , we went to the park . I had taken the boys to the park on Friday and they have been talking about it since then and wanting to go back . They started asking about it again on the way to church , saying they wanted to go back and wanted the dad to go too . So we told them we would go after nap time today . Unfortunately it was absolutely packed with people but the boys had a fun time and we did too . We had such a nice weekend . The weather here was absolutely beautiful , sunny and in the high 70 's and low 80 's in the afternoons and then cooling off at night . We hired our babysitter on Saturday . They boys were so excited to see her , they were asking about her at breakfast . She arrived while the boys were napping and we left while they were still asleep . That was the first time we had ever done that so I was not sure how they would do with it but she said they did not cry when they woke up . They were in such a good mood when we got home , it was quite obvious that they had had a wonderful time with her . I am so thankful we found a great babysitter who the boys love . She spent time outside with them , playing in the sandbox and on the swingset and slide and going for a walk . They played with the bean box and they played in the water at the kitchen sink . They always get to do fun things with her and she plays with them the entire time so they have a great time . She fed them their snack and the were eating dinner when we got home , while she read to them . The boys told me that she prayed with them before they ate . Ben also told me that she has nice hair . Isn 't that a funny thing for a two and a half year old to say ? They got to see her again today at church so they were excited to go to church today too . While the boys were having so much fun , the dad and I went looking for tile for our bathroom again . This process is going very slow but it 's a good thing because the shower leaked again recently ( I may have already posted about this but I can 't remember and don 't want to take the time to look it up ) . We had some bad caulk so we think our problem is now fixed . We found several tiles that we liked . We brought one home to look at in our bathroom and the sales lady is going to order a couple of others that we liked and we should have them by Tuesday to see how they look . After looking at tile , we went to the movies . We saw Expelled , No Intelligence Allowed ( I think that 's the name ) . I 'm not sure what I expected but it exceeded my expectations by a lot . It was quite an eye opener and also entertaining . We thought Ben Stein did an excellent job on this documentary and I hope lots of people will see it . Today we went to church and it was our turn to watch over the boys ' class during the worship service hour . This was also quite an eye opener . Our little guys are not so little anymore : ) . It was so funny to see them with all of the other little ones in their class . There were children in there who were about the same age as our sons when they first started going to this class . Our sons were the tallest in the class and appeared to be the oldest . There were two little girls who are probably very close in age but they are small compared to our two . Also , our two seemed to talk more than anyone else but maybe that was because we were in there . While the boys were napping , I went shopping . Yep . I . . . . . . went . . . . . shopping . And I have much more shopping to do . I have been neglecting my wardrobe since we moved here and I quit my job . I have not bought one nice outfit since moving , since I had plenty of stuff from my corporate days . But that can only take one so far and I think I have pushed it further than it should have been pushed . I also need to lose some weight : ( . I ended up just shopping for every day casual stuff today but I still need to buy some nice outfits for church and dressier occasions , although we are pretty casual people and avoid dressy events most of the time , except church of course . I 'm really not looking forward to this shopping thing and , this year , I really must buy a new swim suit also . Yuck . I really dislike buying new swimsuits and don 't particularly enjoy shopping for myself all that much these days . But shop I must so shop I will . I also gave myself a pedicure today , my first for this spring and I 'm enjoying my pretty feet : ) . When the boys woke up , we went to the park . I had taken the boys to the park on Friday and they have been talking about it since then and wanting to go back . They started asking about it again on the way to church , saying they wanted to go back and wanted the dad to go too . So we told them we would go after nap time today . Unfortunately it was absolutely packed with people but the boys had a fun time and we did too . And this is Nick , pretending that his baby spinach is an airplane . They are both very into pretending that their food is an animal or truck or plane or whatever . It makes for a very interesting meal . I have really set their expectations now so that every time they sit down for breakfast , lunch or snacks , they want me ( or the dad , on weekends ) to read to them while they eat : ) . I have mentioned before that the staircase in our house does not have a landing . It is just one long , tall staircase that goes straight up . . . or down , depending on where you are standing : ) , and we have 9 foot ceilings so it is extra long . To make it worse , the floor at the bottom of the stairs is a hardwood floor and the first step up is also hardwood . So , if someone were to fall down the stairs and land at the bottom , it would be a pretty long fall with a pretty hard landing . We still have gates on each end and we still use them , as we think it is risky for the boys to do alone . The other day ( I think it was Wednesday ) , I went upstairs to get the boys up from their naps . As we started to walk down the stairs , Ben took the first step before he took hold of my hand . That 's all it took . Down he went , tumbling over and over . Thankfully he landed on his hands and knees and stopped about two thirds of the way down . . . or may three quarters . . . . either way , he went down a long ways , just a few steps short of the bottom hardwood floor . It scared all three of us ( Nick , Ben and me ) pretty badly and the dad and I have thanked God many times that he was not hurt . Yesterday was a cool , very cloudy and rainy day so we went to an indoor bouncing place . The boys loved it and I got a pretty good work out myself . It was $ 7 per child for as long as we wanted to stay . They have been open for 6 months and are pretty close to where we live . I wish I had known about it before now . It is a wonderful way to spend a rainy morning . We had a very busy week this week . We went somewhere every day this week , which is not my favorite way to spend a week . I end up feeling like I don 't get to spend enough time just relaxing and having fun with the boys , sitting and reading , coloring or working puzzles , etc . I think I am going to try to start setting aside two mornings a week where we don 't go anywhere , although I think this week is a bit of an anomaly for us . Monday we went clothes shopping all morning , ate out at Subway and came home in time for naps . Tuesday morning we went to MOPS , came home in time for lunch , 30 minutes of playtime and then naps . Wednesday we went back to the MOPS church to retrieve my cell phone , since I had dropped it the day before and didn 't miss it until we were home . After that we went to an indoor play area at a small mall that we had never been to before . It was cute and the boys really enjoyed it . After playing , we ate lunch at the food court and came home in time for naps . Yesterday was the bouncing place and today we went shopping at Sam 's Club . We really needed a lot of stuff today so we were there for quite a while and ended up eating lunch there before coming home . This was a very unusual week for us , as we normally hardly ever eat out during the week . We always eat out after church on Sunday 's and once in a while I take the boys out to eat for lunch during the week but that is usually only maybe twice a month , if that . Next week we will be staying home much more , as I need lots of home time before we head out to Kansas City , introvert that I am : ) . . . . did I mention we are going to K . C . for an extended weekend ? We will be staying with friends and attending our first ever homeschooling conference . I am really looking forward to it . Posted by Can you guess what happened ? On Sunday morning , while I was getting ready for church ( not sure what the dad was doing ) , Nick was sitting on the potty chair and one of the boys decided that Nick needed some toilet paper . So Ben got him some : ) . Isn 't that hysterical ? I cracked up laughing when the dad showed me these pictures . I 'm so glad he remember to take pictures before cleaning up . There is always something amusing going on around here , with two little two year olds running around . What a very busy day , with a few mishaps . The boys and I hit the ground running this morning . They were up around 7 : 00am and I sat upstairs and watched them play in their room until about 7 : 30 . They are very into jumping off of the end of their new beds . They are not so into sleeping in them yet , although they are still very into the idea of sleeping in them : ) . Thanks for the comments on the sleeping issues . I think you are right . . . they just may not be ready yet . I think if they were in separate rooms , they would likely settle down and go to sleep more quickly . Since they are both in the same room , they start playing and jumping and get totally wound up . We considered putting them each in their own room but then decided against it . It would take a big effort to move everything around , including breaking down one of the cribs and then putting it back together . Neither of them have ever spent a night in a room alone , as far as we know . So we decided that it would be a bit risky to separate them now . We might turn our great sleepers into not - so - great sleepers and it 's just not worth it . For now , we will continue to let them try to sleep in their new beds at nap time . I am allowing more time for them to play on their new beds and we are also now lying on their new beds when we read our night time stories before bed . They also get to play and jump a bit before and after brushing teeth at bedtime . So in time I 'm sure they will get their fill of the excitement of the new beds and they will be able to settle down and actually sleep in them . After playing , it was downstairs for breakfast / quick kitchen clean up , reading some books , brushing our teeth , getting dressed and running out the door to do a bit of shopping . We went to Target , Kohl 's , Babies R Us and Walmart looking for clothes , sandals and jackets and the overall selection was pretty slim . We did find a couple of great jean jackets for $ 5 each and Babies R Us had some cute shorts and shirts for $ 5 each . We did not find any sandals that I liked though so we 'll have to keep looking . We ate at Subway in the Super Walmart and the very sad news of the day is that we lost the most favorite Ya Ya today . We left it at Subway and we believe that someone else took it home . I called Walmart when we got home and they did not see it anywhere . I did not know we had left it at Subway . I ran back over there when the dad got home , while the boys were napping , and looked for it myself . There were two ladies in the Subway that said they had just seen it a few minutes before I arrived but it was no longer there and they thought a child had taken it . Then the lady at the Walmart Customer Service desk said she had seen it at Subway too but nobody had turned it in . I went by Tuesday Morning to see if they might have another one just like it but they did not . I picked up three new small stuff animals to see if we might convince Nick to accept a new Ya Ya . More on that later . After we came home , the boys went down for their nap and I cleaned up around the house a bit . Then I went outside to plant some flowers and vines in some very large pots that I have had for years . I wanted to put them on the corners of our front porch . So I got the dolly out of the garage and it was very hard for me to load one pot on the dolly because the pots are so big and heavy . But I did it , Yay ! And I moved the pot the front of the house and was trying to pull it up the steps to the front porch . I was not strong enough to do it so I decided to leave it there until the husband got home and could help . He was due home any time . As I lowered the pot back to the ground , it was so heavy and large that it tip off the dolly away from me and fell over onto the sidewalk . The huge pot just broke into about six large pieces and dirt and plants / flowers went all over the sidewalk . It was the second sad moment of the day . Nick seemed very happy about his new Ya Ya 's . He picked two of the new ones to be his new Ya Ya 's and Ben got a new bear too . So everyone seemed happy but I was not sure what would happen when bedtime came around . Nick was happy until it was time to lay down and that 's when he started asking about the " other Ya Ya ? " . We talked about it and about the new ones and he was doing OK . But when we came downstairs , we heard him crying for " other Ya Ya " over the baby monitor a few times . Fortunately , it did not last long and he and Ben were playing for a while before they fell asleep ( in their cribs ) . Hopefully , he will quickly attach to another Ya Ya and forget about the lost one . I plan to check back at Walmart / Subway tomorrow again , just in case . The funny thing is that he still has the very first , original Ya Ya , which we bought in Russia . It was the favorite one until we lost it and then he grew to like this other one that was lost today . We eventually found the original one months later behind the dryer and Nick was very happy to see it but it never became number one again . Other than that , we had a wonderful day today . The boys were really very good , considering how many stores I dragged them to and we had a fun evening together too , including some time playing outside . Now they are both sleeping and I am soon to follow . Today was the first day in I don 't know how long that I did not have to wipe a running nose . . . other than blowing my own nose . The boys seem to have gotten over their colds . I am still not feeling great though . On Saturday I thought I had beat it . I was feeling much better , had a lot of energy and just wanted to enjoy the day . I bought some flowers and spent a good amount of time planting them in the front flower beds . Before I was finished , I could tell I had over done it and I have really not felt very well since then . By last night , my voice was almost gone but it is better again today . We had a very bad thunderstorm Monday night . We have one of those emergency radios that will come on with an alert anytime there is a severe thunderstorm or tornado threat . It woke us up during the night and we turned on the local weather channel to keep up with what was going on out there . They sure have great technology for tracking bad weather these days . They can tell you down to the street level , where the hail is or where there is a possibility of a tornado or whatever . It really is amazing . My husband and I watched the reports on TV for a while , trying to decide when we should go up and get the boys and bring them down . We were watching the worse part of the storm move straight towards us . When the local tornado warning siren went off , we decided that was probably a good indicator that it was time to bring them downstairs : ) . I have heard that siren go off every Wednesday at noon for the weekly test since moving here but this was the first time I had ever heard it for real . We woke up the boys and carried them downstairs and put them in bed with us . We kept watching the news to determine whether we needed to go hunker down in the small downstairs bathroom , which is the safest place in our house for a tornado threat . As it turned out , the spinning area that was causing the tornado warning ended up going north of us so we did not have to hunker down . We did end up getting to see quite a spectacular hail storm , with some pretty big size hail . It was not golf ball size but it was not too much smaller than that . Sadly enough , it did quite a number on the flowers I had planted and the huge amount of rain will probably finish them off . Oh well ( I say this so often , the boys now say it quite frequently for me : ) . The boys were in our bed for about two hours and then around 4 : 00am we took them back upstairs . They were little troopers , went right back to sleep and slept until 9 : 00 am . It looks like we are going to be replaying this scene , maybe multiple times , over the next couple of days . I can already hear the thunder starting up again . It 's that season here in Oklahoma . On the flip side , everything here is so beautiful now . The flowering trees are all blooming , there are tons of flowers everywhere , the grass is turning green again , the leaves are coming out on the trees and there is beautiful color everywhere you turn . My azalea 's have little tiny red buds all over them and will be exploding into color anytime now . Hopefully we will get to enjoy them a bit longer this year than we did last year , when they were cut short due to a late ice storm . I love this time of year . We have not been very successful in switching the boys to their new beds so I am thinking our approach must be flawed . In the beginning , we would put them in their new beds every time it was nap time or night time . Inevitably , Ben would get up and sometimes Nick would get up . The rule has been that if they get up , they have to sleep in their old bed ( crib ) . The getting up became so regular that we decided to make them sleep in their old beds ( cribs ) for a few days . Starting yesterday , I decided I would let them try to sleep in their new bed at nap time . They lasted less than 5 minutes . Today we tried it again . I waited outside of their door and in less than one or two minutes they were opening the door to come out , so I put them back in their cribs . I 'm not quite sure what approach to take to make them stay in their new beds . I really think that if Ben would stay in his , Nick would stay in his . Nick has slept in his new bed several times but Ben has never slept in his because just won 't stay in it long enough to fall asleep . I think it has become this kind of game for them . They are not climbing out of their cribs though , so that 's a good thing . I 'm not sure if we should change our approach with the new beds or just keep doing what we 're doing until they get to the point where they really do want to sleep in their new beds . What do you think ? On that note , the boys are awake so I must run . Last night was the second time in the year and two months that they boys have been home that I had to get up during the night with Nick . Nick caught another virus from church last Sunday . He seemed fine when we went to MOPS on Tuesday , but by that evening his nose was running . On Wednesday he started running a fever and his nose has been running very badly since then . Yesterday afternoon , he was playing as if he felt fine . I took his temperature and was shocked to see that it was 105 . 3 . We had to start overlapping Ibuprofen and Tylenol to get it to stay down . The Ibuprofen wore off right around 2 : 00am last night . When I got him out of bed yesterday morning , he had wet through his diaper and was soaking wet . . . and he was burning up with fever and clearly felt very badly . I knew that with being that wet and having the fever , he had probably been chilling at some point . I told him that if he wakes up and needs me he should call " mommy ! mommy ! " and I will come to help him . He repeated the " mommy ! mommy ! " after me , as if practicing , but I was not sure if he really understood . This morning at around 2 : 00am , I heard " mommy ! daddy ! mommy ! daddy ! " . He was also crying and it sounded as if he was scared . I rushed upstairs and picked him up and he was pointing to his bed , saying " ants ! ants ! " . This is the second time this has happened . . . . that he thought there were ants in his bed , although the first time was towards the end of a nap , a week or so ago . We have been battling ants in the sandbox for a couple of weeks and we have also had some ant problems in the house recently , although none in the bedrooms , thankfully . Ben was awake and sitting up at this point so I turned on the light to show them there were no ants in the bed . I was going to lay down with Nick but he was frantic about the ants and wanted no part of his new bed at that point . Also , as I was sitting down on the bed , my cheek rubbed against his and I realized that his fever was back up . So I took him downstairs and gave him more medication . We went back upstairs and rocked in the rocking recliner in their room . Ben sat in his crib , watching ( he was in his crib because he still has not been able to stay in his new bed , although he has been , and continues to be , given lots of opportunities . . . . he 's just not quite ready yet it seems : ) . I asked Ben if he wanted to rock with us but he said no . Nick and I rocked for quite a while . At one point I could tell he was a bit restless and was not falling asleep so I asked him if he wanted to get back in his bed . He said " yes , old bed " . He did not want to sleep in the new bed because he still thought it might have ants . So I put him in his crib and rubbed his back a bit and then rubbed Ben 's back a bit and then just stood leaning on Nick 's crib , watching him try to go back to sleep . I thought he would fall asleep fairly quickly at this point but he was very restless . He finally fell asleep on his back , his thumb falling out of his mouth . Ben was also asleep by this time . So I tip toed towards the door and , just when I was out of his line of sight , I heard " mommy ! " . I went back to Nick 's crib and explained to him that I was tired and needed to go night night too . When we were downstairs , he had asked me where Daddy was and I had told him that daddy was in his bed sleeping . I think this was all a revelation to him , that mommy and daddy sleep too at night time . Anyway , he told me " hug ? " and stood up to give me a big hug and then he was fine . The funny thing is that I ended up feeling that both of the boys were so very sweet , even though neither of them were feeling that great . ( Ben is congested with the same virus that Nick has . ) I sat in the rocking chair , rocking Nick and watching Ben , thinking that I could just sit there all night . I am thankful that my boys are such good sleepers but since this was only the second time I have had to get up during the night with Nick ( and once so far with Ben ) , I just ended up feeling privileged and thankful that I am their mom and I could be there for them when they needed me . There is just nothing quite like seeing your little ones sick and feeling badly that brings out that nurturing feeling in a mom . When Nick 's temp spiked yesterday afternoon , it was just before lunch so we had not eaten yet . He was chilling and shaking badly so I sat with him with a blanket over him and rocked , all the while knowing that Ben was probably starting to get pretty hungry . But Nick did not want me to put him down . At one point , he said " night night ? " and I asked him if he wanted to go night night and he said yes . I explained that Ben would not want to go night night yet and asked if he still wanted to go by himself . He said no but then a couple of minutes later he asked " mommy and daddy 's bed ? " . I asked him if he wanted to go lay down in our bed and he said yes . So I took him in there , tucked him in , gave him a few small toys and turned on a children 's program . I explained to him that I needed to fix lunch for Ben and he could call me if he needed me . I checked in on him often and he was doing fine . About the time Ben was almost finished with his lunch , Nick was feeling better . The medicine had brought his temperature down a bit so he was ready to eat and he ate well and then they both took a good nap . I am happy to say that the boys both seemed to be feeling better this morning . We read for a while and then had a fun time playing with play dough . After that , the boys had fun playing with buttons . They pretend they are food ( they don 't put them in their mouths though ) and they pour them from bowl to cup and bowl to bowl , etc . Then they had the best time pouring them on the top of the cardboard slide we still have set up in the library / playroom and watching all the buttons slide down the slide . I would help them pick them up and they would do it over and over . It actually looked pretty cool when all of those different colored and sized buttons all slid down the slide : ) . In the past , I have not been so easy going about the button play and did not like them to scatter them all over the floor . I have been working on chilling out about stuff like this and I was rewarded for it today . What a fun time they had . They were just giddy and I found it quite funny . Afterwards , they decided to ' go shopping with / for mama gorilla ( Grandma Rilla ) ' and they pushed their shopping carts all around the house . I made up a grocery list for each of them , which helped them enjoy their shopping adventure a bit longer . They are playing so nicely together these days and we are all having a fun time together . I recently relocated all of their dishes and cups to a low shelf that they can reach so they can help get their dishes and cups and put them away from the dishwasher . They love to help with everything these days so I look for ways in which they can help . They sit up on the dryer and I hand them clothes to throw into the washing machine . They help get the clothes out of the dryer and they have helped to dust and clean some windows here and there . They love to try to sweep and they love to help stir anything I am fixing in the kitchen . Yesterday when Ben was playing , he did a great imitation of me mixing up some scrambled eggs . It was really funny . We may all be going to Kansas City later in April to a homeschooling convention . There are lots of speakers I would like to hear so I am hoping it works out . We 're still waiting to see if the dad can get the time off . He is suppose to give two months notice for time off and we only had one months notice so we may not get to go but we are hopeful . Also , our friends from KC are coming to visit us the weekend before the convention . So , if we end up going , we will get to see them two weekends in a row , which would be so much fun . Overall , life is good with us , even though we are going through another round of colds so soon . I am always amazed at how the boys just keep going , like energizer bunnies , even when they don 't feel that great . I love spending time with them , playing with them and teaching them things . I have not been spending nearly as much time online lately , since I have been working on lifebooks and also had been doing some reorganizing of my ' stuff ' ( life / scrap booking stuff and homeschooling stuff mostly ) . Well , I have written a book , making up for missing so many days . Time to go get something done before the sweeties wake up : ) . Have I mentioned that I love being a mom and wife ? I love my life . Thank you Lord for blessing me so abundantly : ) . I was raised in Oklahoma and , although I have lived in many cities in the U . S . , I consider OK home . My husband ( aka ' the dad ' or ' the husband ' , since he doesn 't want me to use his name ) was raised in the Chicago area but Tucson , AZ is home for him . We were married a little later in life but we know that God brought us together and we are very thankful for that . I am now a stay at home wife of my dear husband , mom of our two sweet little boys and soon to be homeschool teacher of my two sons . . . and I love it ! The adoption of our beautiful sons from Volgograd Russia was finalized on January 17 , 2007 . It took around a year from the very beginning of our process to the end . I have tried to include lots of information about our adoption process on this blog , all of the ups and downs we experienced , what to bring and what not to bring , what our trips to Russia were like , etc . If you have any questions for us , please feel free to email me at lea @ pisarik . com . Various Blogs I Read

This , my friends , is heaven on a plate . Screwie Louie 's of Madeira Beach was just down the road from our motel , so we walked up there one morning for breakfast . I had the breakfast burrito , which came with delicious home fries ( and I can take or leave potatoes most of the time ) . It was also served on a pretty blue and yellow plate . The service , honestly , could have been better , as they weren 't busy and we only saw our waitress when she took our order and dropped off the bill ( someone else brought the food ) , but I would recommend the place and I would definitely eat there again . Hopefully the waitress was just having an off day . Rats - now I 'm hungry ! At the end of December , my oncologist started me on Tamoxifen . I take a daily dose of this drug , which is a hormone therapy formulated to help prevent a recurring cancer . Tamoxifen has the potential to cause a number of side effects , but so far I 've only experienced one : night sweats . It 's funny because during the day I pretty much always feel cold . It doesn 't matter how many layers I dress in , I 'm still feeling a chill . Even when I go to bed , I feel cold until I fall asleep . If I 'm lucky I get five or six hours of good rest before I wake , hot , uncomfortable , and covered in sweat , unable to get back to sleep . Walker tells me I throw all the covers off as soon as I fall asleep . We have a ceiling fan in the bedroom , but it isn 't helping . My doctor tells me that my body should adjust to the Tamoxifen in a couple months , if I can tough it out . If this is as bad as it gets , no problem ! But the lack of sleep concerns me . At first it was kinda nice to have the extra hours in the day ; now I 'm just tired . I can get through the day ( thank God for caffeine ! ) but I would really like a good night 's sleep . It 's been snowing all day . Big , fat , lazy flakes that just keep falling . Diva and Squeak shoveled the driveway for $ 2 each - they charge a dollar for each inch of snow . Can 't beat that . Unfortunately , my happy snowman neighbor succumbed to the warm temps . He 's now a pile of broken snow chunks . When they weren 't outside working , Diva and Squeak were busy in the kitchen whipping up new flavors of soda . I gave Squeak the soda making set for Christmas , but this is the first time I have been recruited as a taste tester . I tried a few sips here and there , but in the end I paid my nephew Cubbie a dollar to take over for me . Some of the flavors they came up with were . . . . . appealing only to a kid . Let 's just leave it at that . I spent a little time in the basement , trying to get reorganized after The Flood Saga of 2011 . I should not say this , but so far , we 've been dry since the plumber came last Monday . I hope that statement doesn 't tempt fate . Anyway ~ we still need to get the burst pipe repaired but it won 't leak unless someone turns on the outside tap . Given the weather , that is not likely . We 're hoping to have someone in next week . Until that pipe is repaired , I can 't put anything on the shelves in the storage room , as they are directly beneath the pipe . We did a good job of drying out the things we could , and everything that was not salvageable has been carted to the local burning plant , where they convert garbage into usable energy . I 'm pretty much done down there until I can start moving things back to the shelves . It was a lot of work , but in a weird way , I 'm not sorry it happened . We needed to do some cleaning and I don 't think anything less than disaster would have motivated us at this point . It 's funny how fast you can fill a house ~ we 've been here about five and a half years , after moving from a home half this size . And our storage area was full of junk we did not need . Posted by Driving home from work this morning , I spotting this happy guy in the neighbor 's yard . Looks like Diva 's playmates had a good time in the snow on Monday . Because I never learn , I didn 't have my camera with me . When I got home I grabbed it and walked back around the block to take this photo . If you 're wondering why I didn 't wait until morning , the thermostat in my car read 34 * at 2am . At the angle this guy was to begin with , I wasn 't sure he 'd stay standing when the sun came up . You can 't tell from the photo , but he 's over six feet tall , easily . I don 't know how the kids managed to build him but I think that 's the reason for his posture . I just love snowmen , especially ones with this much personality . Okay , I have to rave about this stuff ! I 've been wanting to write this post for a while , but I made myself wait until I 'd gone through a full jar , just to be sure it was as great as I thought in the beginning . It is . I found this hand cream back in November , when I was in the middle of my radiation treatments . I bought it for my hands , since my skin gets so dry it cracks in the winter . The claim to fame is cranberry oil , an ingredient I had not found in any of the other hand creams I 've ever tried . I ordered the cream from berryworks . com , a website owned and operated by Dr Jonathan and his wife , Michelle . The package showed up on my doorstep on a Saturday . I immediately used the hand cream . It has a light , slightly berry scent , light enough that Walker decided to try it , too . It felt wonderful , sank in easily , and made my hands feel soooo much better . By the end of the day the scaly patches were gone . They 're still gone . Which got my wheels turning . . . . . My skin had started opening in my " treatment area " , and none of the creams I got from the doctor seemed to be helping much . I knew I should check with the doctor before using this hand cream on my boob , but it was a Saturday and the cancer center was closed . I decided to give it a shot . Now , obviously I 'm not a doctor , and I don 't claim that everyone else will have the results I did , but honestly , by the time I went for my next treatment , two days later , my skin was healed . The open areas had new skin in them and it never opened again , though I had several more weeks of treatment . The doctor was anticipating I would lose a large patch of skin under my arm , because the color was so dark it looked like a purple bruise . By Monday , it was just a dark tan color . I never lost that skin . That Monday , I took the hand cream to the cancer center , and after my treatment I tracked down the doctor and showed it to him . He read the ingredients and told me there were several that had naturally anti - inflammatory properties . He gave me his blessing to keep using it . For the remainder of my treatments , everyone commented on how well my skin held up . I can 't say with 100 % certainty that it was this cream that made the difference , but I would definitely recommend it to anyone who was having radiation treatment . In fact , I 've been recommending it to everyone I know , LOL . Now , two months post treatment , I still use the hand cream . It 's been very effective at preventing the winter dryness I normally get this time of year . I just ordered a second batch , and I added a few more lotions and potions to try . So far , I love everything . In case you 're wondering , I don 't know Dr Jonathan or his wife or anyone else who works at this company . I haven 't been given products or any other form of compensation . I just really , really love this stuff . The plumber didn 't find a darn thing blocking our mainline drain . Um , WTH ? I was not imagining all the water bubbling up out of it on Saturday . After he left , I tried running a small load of laundry to test things out . The drain did not back up - YAY ! - but the hose on the washer apparently loosened enough to start leaking . Lucky for me I was standing right there and noticed immediately that the sound was different and was washer wasn 't filling very quickly . I turned it off , found the loose hose , and fixed it . Still ? Grrrr . . . . . . more water to mop up . Our snow continues to fall . Schools opened late this morning and probably will tomorrow . Walker has shoveled our driveway three times . My brother is recovering from surgery and can 't lift a shovel loaded with snow , but he can move the cars out of the driveway and sweep up the front steps . I 'm happy to leave it to the boys . Not that I have a choice : since my breast cancer surgery Walker doesn 't want me shoveling so he either takes the shovel in the van with him or puts it in the garage rafters where I can 't reach it . Last time he did that I used Diva 's tiny kid shovel to clear a path to the street . The handle is half as long as a regular shovel , so I was hunched the whole time . No fun . But I got it done . Tomorrow , we go to a family education class to learn how to help my brother . Walker and I are the only ones from my family that signed up . My mom is avoiding the whole thing and I think my sister is , too . I guess it 's a good thing he moved in with us and not one of them . I got a post card in the mail from the Susan G Koman foundation . Someone who loves me has made a donation in my name . What a thoughtful gift ! I was very touched . With all the stress and drama we 've had lately , it was a nice surprise to know that someone I don 't see often was thinking of me . Well , either everyone else on the plumber 's list canceled or Walker owed him a favor . Either way , he was here bright and early at 8 : 30 . Right now , he 's doing whatever it is plumbers do to clear a mainline drain , and I 'm waiting to see how bad the news is . If we 're lucky , he can clear it without having to dig up the yard . We 're due for some good news , I think . I wish it worked that way . Since I had to get up early ( very early for me ) I think I 'll try to tackle the rest of that darn to - do list . Maybe by the time I have to go to work I 'll be back on track . We 're in the middle of a nasty winter storm . First we had snow the size of quarters falling thick and fast , making visibility very poor . Then it warmed up and the snow turned to freezing rain . After the sun went down , the rain turned back into snow . I don 't want to run our washing machine until the plumber works his magic , and I feel pretty certain that the weather will slow him down . I don 't expect him now until Tuesday . With that in mind , I planned to go to the laundromat today after Walker got home from work . His van is the best vehicle for transporting a week 's worth of laundry . Because of the weather , I stayed home instead . Lil Bro and I cleaned out the kitchen cupboards in the morning , then the boys went out to shovel while I cleaned the inside of the house . We all fell asleep in the living room after lunch . Now it 's 2am , Walker is getting ready to go to work , and I 'm mourning the end of another weekend with my to to - do list half finished . I don 't know if I 'm not managing my time well or I 'm simply trying to do too much , but I always feel a huge sense of frustration when Monday morning rolls around . That 's my cat , Ernie , napping on the bathmat . She just started doing this . I have no idea why . She turned twenty - two years old this month , so I pretty much let her do what she wants , where she wants . In all her years , I could count on one hand the number of times she entered the bathroom . Now she seems to be making a new home there . Eventually she relocated to my brother 's lap , and I got the bathroom done . Today 's flood was brought to us courtesy of a washing machine and a floor drain . Yep , that 's right . . . . after all the cleaning and mopping and fan running we did on Thursday and Friday , I got up this morning , started a load of laundry , and returned an hour later to yet another chapter in the Flooded Basement Chronicles . This time , I was the only adult onsite . My nephews were here and offered to help , but there 's no way I 'd let a little kid clean up sewer water . Since it was the washing machine that caused it , the basement smelled Downy fresh ~ a plus while I mopped and wet vac - ed . The challenge today was , since it was the floor drain backing up , I could not dump the mopped water inside the house . I had to schlep the shop vac , then bucket , full of water up the stairs , through the garage , and into the yard where I dumped it on the nearest snowbank . I made about twenty of those trips before I was done . I know I will be sore in the morning . Walker came home and called a plumber . We 're now on his list of house calls but we don 't know if he can come Monday or if it will be Tuesday ; it depends on how long it takes him to fix the folks ahead of us . We decided to wait for this particular guy because he has a little camera that he sticks down the drains to find out what , exactly , the problem is . I don 't want to waste any more time or effort " trying things " and hoping the issue is fixed . Been there , done that . I cannot keep spending hours a day mopping up water . After I cleaned up all the puddles I set fans around to dry the damp concrete . I also set up a space heater and turned on the fan in the furnace to keep the air moving as much as possible . A couple hours later I went back downstairs and started the real project : sorting , tossing , and storing in totes all the stuff we had on the shelves that got wet . If you had asked me before all this , I would have said all we had was some holiday decorations , old furniture , paint cans , and a couple boxes of assorted " stuff " . Now I know just how much crap was packed onto those shelves . I did not know we had six coolers and three thermoses . I do now , because I dried each and every one of them . We will not be keeping six coolers and three thermoses . I see rummage sales in my future . Even though I only got through about a third of the stuff , I filled four large garbage bags with stuff that was unsalvagable or just plain junk to begin with . I can 't put anything back on the shelves until the plumber fixes the pipe , so I have Rubbermaid totes stacked in the laundry room . We now have a very large pile of stuff in the garage , waiting for trash day . I also had to remove two computers that were soaked when the pipe burst . Those can 't go out in the trash ; we need to have them recycled . I verified with my insurance agent that I 'm covered for both the burst pipe and the sewer backup , but I don 't know yet if it will be worth filing a claim . I have a high deductible for flood damage . I am so , so tired right now . And I get to do it all again tomorrow . Posted by So yesterday I went down to our basement to put some stuff away and discovered that a pipe going to an outside hydrant had burst . The pipe in question was way in the back of the basement , in the storage room . The first puddle I stepped in was at the very front of the basement , at the bottom of the stairs . Gallon after gallon of water had flooded down from the pipe in the ceiling , covering the storage room floor , seeping under the wall , running the entire length of the utility room , seeping under the next wall , and into Walker 's man cave at the bottom of the stairs . I was not happy . Lucky for me , both Walker and my brother had just gotten home so I had help with the cleanup . Where do you even start with something like that ? My brother ran the carpet steamer just to suck up the puddles he could get to , Walker did the same with the wet vac in another room , and I pulled boxes and totes off the shelves to check for damage . There was a lot of damage . By the time I had to leave for work we had all the standing water mopped up . The concrete was still damp but no actual puddles remained . I had carried box after dripping box up the stairs to the garage , where they will sit until the garbage goes out next week . I don 't know , yet , how much was lost . It will take the whole weekend and then some to get everything cleaned up . The bad part is , since the water heater was leaking , I had shoved some things onto the shelves in the storage room to keep them from getting wet . They would have been safer left alone , as the water heater wasn 't leaking all that much . Ah , well . Who knew ? The silver lining in all this is that I was meaning to clean up the basement this winter . Now I have no choice . We will be seriously purging some ( read : most ) of the " stuff " stored down there . It 's been a long time coming and I 'll be glad when it 's done . The prayers and good wishes have worked their magic . My visit to the Cancer Center was very reassuring . Well , for the most part . When I walked in the receptionist commented on how great I looked , which was nice . Then the nurse called me , and she commented how great I looked . Still nice . We went down the hall toward a treatment room and ran into the patient advocate , who commented several times how great I looked . Here 's the thing : I didn 't do anything special to get ready for my appointment . Nothing . I haven 't lost weight or changed my hair or bought any new clothes . I started wondering how crappy I must have looked before . Ah , well . Apparently I 'm over that now . When the doctor came in he took a look at the problem area on my boob , then he did a full exam . He was pretty sure he knew what was going on but he called in another doctor for a second opinion . The consensus is the goo balls coming out of my skin are excess sebum , which occurs naturally but usually in small amounts that you 'd never notice . My mammary ducts apparently are clogged , which causes the sebum to build up , until it has no more room , at which time it seeps from my pores as yucky little goo balls . They are very sure that this does not indicate infection or recurrent cancer . Yay ! The bad news is , there is really no treatment for it . It should clear up on it 's own but if it doesn 't the only course of action is to surgically clean out the clogged ducts . Because the effected area is relatively widespread , they don 't know how feasible surgery would be for me . They advised I wait until my next mammo in April , unless it gets worse or shows signs of infection . The area is tender but it doesn 't bother me too much from a pain standpoint ; it 's just the yuck factor that I don 't care for . So waiting isn 't a problem . They do want me to chart how often and how much goo I see , so they can see if it 's getting better or worse . And I have to keep using the skin cream I got last time . The assumption is this was caused by radiation treatment , since it 's only happeninForty Pound Sack I have an appointment at the Cancer Center today . For the most part , they 've been routine for months now but this one has me a little unsettled . I 'm still having drainage in my treatment area . It 's been almost two months since I finished radiation and I would think that by now this would have cleared up . The skin healed long ago , but there are what I call " goo balls " coming out of the pores . Every couple of days , the skin gets puffy and sore , then a day or so later this goo drains out . The swelling goes away with the goo , as does the tenderness . For a couple days , at least . Then it starts again . The doctor didn 't feel it was an infection ; he said it doesn 't happen often but they have seen it before . He told me at my last appointment , a month ago , that it would probably clear up by now , and he ordered yet another skin cream for me . It 's gotten better but it has not cleared up . I couldn 't sleep this morning so I got up and took my borrowed dogs for a walk . I did some housework . The water heater we put in a few weeks ago has been leaking , so we had a plumber in today to swap it out . I went outside , to a gorgeous , sunny , pre - spring day , and cleaned up some of the debris that comes with winter : tree branches , blown in litter , like that . Then I came back in and watched some TV . I 'm still anxious . Right after my appointment I have to head into work . I know I 'll be dog tired by the end of my shift . Hopefully , there will be good news at the doctor and an easy night at the office . Cross your fingers for me , please ! Gail Vaz - Oxlade , I 'm gonna make you proud ! I just love Gail on ' Til Debt Do Us Part . Her no - nonsense approach not only makes great TV , it makes sense to me . This show is one of only about three that I actually sit down and watch . Usually the TV is on , keeping me company , while I 'm doing other things . This show is worth paying attention to . One of the things I like best about Gail 's approach is that she encourages balance ; even if you have debt to pay off , or you are lacking in your emergency fund , Gail believes that you need to have some fun once in a while , so long as you budget for it ahead of time and don 't go overboard with the spending . I think that 's important . Nobody can thrive when all you do is work for a paycheck . Anyway - Walker and I had planned to spend a week on Sanibel Island in the Gulf of Mexico last November . Those plans had to be canceled so I could do my daily radiation treatments . When we were ready to try for another trip , we could not find decent airfare to Fort Meyers , the closest airport to Sanibel . We could have waited a bit to see if the airfare came down , but there was stuff coming up at work that would require my presence , and Walker really needed some time away sooner rather than later , so we decided instead to check alternate destinations . Walker has some family snowbirds in Orlando , and while we could get there for a good price , the flights had not one but two stops along the way . This time of year , with unpredictable weather , that bothered me . Who wants to get stuck in an airport half way to their destination due to snow and ice ? We ended up deciding on Tampa , and were thrilled to discover we could get frequent flier seats with one slight catch - we had to fly down a day earlier than we were planning to . Ah well , what can you do ? Our vacation went from a week to eight days , challenging the budget a bit more . Total budgeted cost for seven days and nights was $ 2 , 800 , which is just a bit less than we had saved in cash . But this is the year of fiscal reform , at least at our house . So here 's what we actually spent : Airfare $ 212 plus 50 , 000 frequent flier miles . $ 92 of that was baggage fees . The thing is , Walker paid to check his golf clubs . He would have spent more renting them than bringing his own , so it was money well spent in my opinion . Hotel $ 748 golf fees $ 122 Entertainment , meals & miscellaneous spending $ 636 in cash , $ 108 on the credit card , and 400 Disney reward " dollars " . The credit card will be paid in full as soon as all the charges post . The total came to $ 2 , 233 , which is $ 567 less than we originally planned for , even though we stayed an extra day . That 's just over 20 % . Wahoo ! The thing that 's worth mentioning is , we didn 't scrimp . We did not live on peanut butter bread and tap water as some of my friends did when vacationing during their college days . We spent a full day at Disney World , Walker went golfing three times , we rented a mid - size SUV rather than a compact car , we ate good food in fun restaurants , and we brought shirts and treats home for the kids . Could we have cut the budget further ? Sure . But I 'm happy with the budget and the experience we had . We found the balance . It 's funny how you can feel like you know people you 've never actually met . When we were in Florida , I kept seeing things that made me think of my blogger pals and wonder how y ' all were doing . This is a tshirt that was in the window of a surf shop in John 's Pass . It reminded me of Donna and her husband , Cliff . Donna has spoken of Cliff 's love of ketchup . Once home , I realized it would make a good Ruby Tuesday entry . For more Ruby Tuesday photos , click here . The best weather we had on our vacation occurred the day we visited Disney World . These colorful umbrellas shade a popular dining spot between Main Street and Cinderella 's Castle . For more Blue Monday posts , click here . For more Mellow Yellow Monday posts , click here . My wish for a bit of a break must not have reached whomever is in charge of the universe . This morning , after doing laundry all day yesterday , my floor drain backed up into the basement . I 'm grateful that it wasn 't the sewer , but honestly , I still feel like : " Really ? This too ? ? " I found the mess fairly early and was able to minimize the damage , but I had to call Walker home from errands to help my brother and me in the cleanup . The kids had a party to attend , so they were occupied all afternoon . We had mopped up the water and cleared the drain lines before they got back . All in all , a minor inconvenience , though it put me behind in the unpack - and - get - ready - to - return - to - work routine . Several hours behind , actually . I doubt I will have myself caught up before I go back to work tomorrow . I still have to go through all the mail that accumulated in our absence , as well as finish the last load of laundry . Walker went for groceries , and my brother has done all the cooking and dishes . The kids will go back home after school tomorrow . The sun came out today . The air feels downright balmy . The snow is melting , even now , after dark . I can hear it running through the gutters when I step out the front door . Though I know there is more winter still to come , I feel like we 're in the home stretch . Spring is right around the corner . This morning , we checked out of our motel long before the sun came up . We flew north , trading palm trees and crashing waves for frozen rivers and piles of snow . I confess : I am not good at flying . I get totally nervous every time I set foot on a plane . I hate the noise , the fuel smell , the cramped spaces . The only reason I do it is the payoff of more time spent on vacation , less time in the travel itself . This time , I didn 't really care about any of that . I just wanted to get home . While we were in Florida , my brother was released from the hospital . He 's in the middle of a divorce , so he couldn 't go home . The doctors wanted him to not be alone , so he moved into our house and my mom stayed with him . My sister picked us up at the airport and brought us home to a house full of people : my mom , Diva , my brother , and my brother 's children were all here to greet us . It was chaos , and it was wonderful . I think given the circumstances , we had a good trip . We spent half our time at the beach and half visiting Walker 's snowbird relatives in Orlando . We spent a day at Disney World , just the two of us , playing like teenagers on a date . We took each other out to breakfast , and cheered the Packers to a Superbowl victory at an outdoor sports bar . We walked on the beach , slept late , and ate ice cream sundaes for lunch . I feel rested and ready to move on to the next challenge , but I wouldn 't mind a bit if that challenge didn 't present itself for a while . Posted by Y ' all might be wondering why I happen to have photos of the food we ate on vacation . The answer is a little dull , but I 'll tell you anyway . Walker really wanted me to do some reviews . The thing is , when I plan a trip for myself or someone else , I rely pretty heavily on reviews , most of which I get from blog posts . I look for posts by people who live in the area we 're planning to visit . Hey , if the locals love the food , or put their family members in that hotel , you know it 's good . For all that I love reading reviews , I have mixed feelings about writing them . Why ? Cause I don 't want to screw with someone 's business . If everything is great , no problem . But if things aren 't so good . . . . . You know , anyone can have an off day . We mostly try to avoid chain type places in favor of local restaurants , and if there is a family run motel or a private condo , we choose that over a big chain place . So , you know , if they 're short staffed or have new employees or whatever , it has a bigger impact . I don 't want to assume that the service is generally terrible if our waitress is lacking . That sort of thing . Having said all that , I 'm going to go ahead and post a review of our motel on Madeira Beach , Florida . We 've stayed several times , so I think we have a pretty good idea of what to expect . The Schooner Motel is a small facility located directly on Madeira Beach . That was the big selling point the first time we stayed there . The parking lot is very small , maybe a dozen spaces . There is no street parking in front of the motel , but they do have an additional lot across the street , which is unpaved . The street has fairly heavy traffic , but half a block from the motel they have pedestrian crossing lights . Right next door to the motel is a public parking lot and public beach access . The motel itself is older . While it could use some serious updating , the rooms have always been very clean . I can 't imagine what it takes to keep beach sand and bugs at bay , so I 'm always impressed with the cleanliness . The front desk staff is very friendly anOutside , there 's a shared patio with umbrella tables , plenty of chairs , and barbeque grills . We generally grill a time or two but this trip , due to rain , we did not . The patios are swept every morning , and each table and chair is wiped down . The beach is also raked clean by a tractor of sorts that sifts any debris out of the sand . The motel is pet friendly , and they keep beach toys on hand for the kids ~ all you have to do is ask for them . There is a very small pool at the building next door , which is owned by the Schooner Motel . That pool did not seem to be heated . Next door to that is the third Schooner building and an even smaller pool . That one has always been warm when we 've visited , including this trip , when the weather was much cooler than normal . We go on vacation to spend time on the beach , to shop , to play golf , not to sit in the room . The decor and furnishings did not bother us one bit . This trip , however , we had a few issues with our room . The biggest problem was that the bathroom fan did not work . There was a smoke detector mounted on the wall outside the bathroom and it went off every time one of us showered . Since Walker was getting up very early - 5ish - to play golf , this was a concern for us as we didn 't want to disturb the neighbors . So , I would open the windows and turn on the ceiling fan , while Walker made sure to keep the bathroom door shut tight . Which presented another problem : the bathroom door knob was loose . Very loose . Not loose as in coming out of the door , but loose as in , you turn the knob and it just keeps going . It didn 't catch right away . It took some fancy jiggling to get it open . I was pretty convinced that while Walker was on the golf course I would end up locked in the bathroom , stuck until he got back . Lucky for me , that didn 't happen . The other problem we had was that in order to open the windows , we had to jiggle them as well . The frames are quite bent . The bent frames also mean that the windows don 't stay open unless you prop them . I used empty water bottles . It worked buThe bottom line for us is , we would not consider the Schooner to be our first choice when we visit Madeira Beach again . We will keep an eye on the website , and hopefully they will make repairs and updates at some point . If not , I doubt we would stay there again . Posted by Walker and I are in Florida . Right up until the plane took off , I wasn 't sure I should go . I kept thinking about my family , especially my brother , and I would think there was no way I could just leave town . Then I would look at Walker , knowing how much he needed this time away . I could not let him down . In the end , I decided I had to trust in my brother and his doctors . I wish I had stronger faith in God . I envy people who find relief in prayer . I try , but I can 't release my worries . I haven 't learned to " let go and let God . " So we came to the beach . I sat in the sun and sank my toes in the sand . I watched the dolphins play just offshore . It helps , some . I know I need to let go of the guilt I carry but I don 't know how . When we get home I plan to call my brother 's social worker to see if they have some sort of support group for family members . Hopefully , she 'll be able to hook me up . Right now , it 's just a day at a time . We call home every day . The rest of the time we walk on the beach , or shop , or hang out in a tiki bar listening to music . From our room , we have a view of the Gulf . We fall asleep listening to the surf . Walker has spent some time on the golf course . While he plays , I 'm content to sit on the patio with a good book . I do love the beach . The ocean air is healing for me . I sleep like a rock here . I needed that . I was supposed to get a phone call this week . Maybe yesterday , maybe today . I 'm not sure who would have called me . I would guess maybe my mom . Maybe not . I was supposed to pick up the phone to learn that my brother 's body had been found . I was supposed to hear the word , " Suicide " . I was supposed to help plan his funeral . I was supposed to mourn the loss of his life . Instead , I got a very different call . I was wrapping up my shift at work when I got a call saying that my brother was in an ambulance on his way to the hospital . I didn 't know if he was okay , or even if he would still be alive when I got there . But right then , when he was supposed to be gone , he was alive . I went there , to the hospital , in the middle of a storm , in the middle of the night . I was calm , I was numb , I was as prepared as one can ever be for what I would find . I was taken to the critical care unit , to my brother 's room , where the nurse told me I could not come in : he did not want visitors . Inside the room a woman in a jacket sat near his bed . I did not know her ; who was she , and why was she allowed to be there ? I 'm sure I glared at her , though I didn 't intend to . But then the nurse said my name , and my brother 's groggy voice said , " Oh , she can come in . Let her in . " So I was brought in , too . The woman in the jacket turned out to be another nurse , sent to watch my brother , to keep him safe . She gave me a pager so I could call her if I needed help , and she left us . I sat next to my brother 's bed , in the dark room , holding his hand , watching him sleep . He would wake , and we 'd talk a bit , and he 'd be out again . Still safe . Nurses came , took vitals , took blood . Morning came . I had to go , to start on the phone calls , very different phone calls than the ones I should have had to make . Thank you , God , for ruining the plan . Thank you . I will gladly make one thousand of these phone calls , though I hate them . How to you tell your mother , " No , it wasn 't an accident . You have to face that , Mom , or you won 't be able to help him . Yes , I 'm sure , it was notPosted by Walker and I took his sister out to lunch on Monday , which meant that I rolled my fanny out of bed before noon on a workday . That doesn 't happen too often , as I 'm one of those wacky people who actually enjoys working into the wee hours of the morning . At any rate , we finished lunch and had hours before I had to go to work , so I had Walker drive us out to the mall . While he did whatever boys do in the sporting goods department , I headed to Lingerie to get myself fitted for a bra that would balance out my girls . Now , I probably sound like a cranky old biddie but when I saw the teenager working behind the counter I figured I was on my own . My apologies to the young lady , but honestly , how much experience could she really have ? And it 's not like I was there just to pick out something pretty . I needed actual help . Or so I thought . You know those molded bras that look like they come with boobs already in them ? The ones that flank the aisles of the department store making you believe that yes ! You too can look like a proud owner the very finest implants , ready and waiting for an open casting call to Jerseylicious . Yep , those . Being somewhat , ahem , generously proportioned , I had never even considered buying something like that . I considered it that day . I also tried it on . It came home with me . And it brought a friend . All I had to do was find one that fit the healthy boob . The other side ? Well , it 's got some extra breathing room , but in this thing , no one can tell . Score one for me !

2 : Sunday , February 5 , 2012 For Christmas this year the kids received a special gift , a ticket to go on a cruise ! We warned all their teachers that they would be missing a week of school , and we packed our bags . We had everything packed yesterday except a few last minute things like make - up and glasses . Following sacrament meeting we ran home to lock up the house and drop off Nathan . My running buddy Jenn Frazier agreed to watch Nathan for the whole week ! I have left babies before , ( Alex was 8 months old when I left him ) but because of Nathan 's temperamental nature I have been really nervous . | Day 1 | This was the last picture taken of Nathan before we left , so I looked at it all week long whenever I missed him . 4 : With 7 people , we had a lot of luggage . It was drizzling when we unloaded the car and everyone ran to the shuttle . Initially I had nothing to carry so I helped lighten the load of one of the boys . The kids were so excited as we pulled up to the terminal and could see our ship towering over the building . Once we were on the ship everyone was so astounded by how big and spectacular everything was . We were just on the outside deck and they were pointing everything out . It was so much fun to be with them and soak in those first few moments , realizing we were going to be on this ship for the next week . Once we were on the ship we found our rooms , even though our bags wouldn 't get there for awhile . We were in rooms 8645 and 8647 on deck eight . The first thing on our agenda was to go to the Windjammer café and eat lunch . We just walked around and surveyed the food , testing what looked good . I saw my favorite coconut cookies and knew from experience they would not be around in a few days so I got one while I could . We were required to go to the muster drill , although no one liked it that much . Other years we had to take our life jackets with us , but we were assured we didn 't need them . Our group had to meet in the dining room , so at least we had a nice place to sit while we waited for everyone to be accounted for , and we were served water . I don 't think anyone outside or in the halls go that nice of treatment . Because of the weather they moved the sail away party inside but we went up on deck anyway ! | Gulf of Mexico 5 : All day long we explored the ship . Samantha was really excited to find a library . It was so much fun because I had so many memories from two years ago when I was on this ship for my dad 's birthday with most of my family . I 'm sure the kids didn 't care , but everywhere we went I would point out something that happened there . It was really fun to show them the room where we had surprised grandpa , and it looked exactly the same . We showed them the Ellington 's lounge and I pointed out how I had taken a picture last time and changed it to say Ethington 's I really liked being on the same ship . We knew where everything was but it was all still so new to the kids . 7 : We ate in the dining room called Sound of Music , which was the same level as we were before and towards the back corner , 553 . The table was set for six so it made it squishy for seven but Alex is small . The kids were on their best behavior and we were putting their manners to the test . We tried to have everyone from the table order something different so we could try everything . Our waiter thought I was vegetarian but I assured him I just wanted to try something different . Joshua didn 't know what he wanted but he could see the dessert on the right hand side and tried to order the black forest cake for dinner . We helped him pick something else out . When it did come time for dessert , there were too many choices . So Daddy ordered a few extras so we could all try everything , and Josh finally got his black forest cherry cake . Everyone was jealous because he got a cookie and ice - cream , so we asked for extra lady fingers too . Our waiter was trying so hard that he brought out extra cookie wafers the next day before the boys even asked for them . The funny thing was they weren 't that good , so by the next day no one wanted to eat them . 8 : Fast forward a few hours after a wonderful first day on the ship , our tummies were full , the ship was moving towards or first port , the kids were getting ready for bed and I couldn 't find my toothbrush . My suitcase was missing ! We checked with the front desk and made sure it wasn 't confiscated . I hadn 't brought anything illegal like an iron ( fire hazard ) . Then it dawned on me , Scott had loaded the car last night but I had kept my bag out to add any last minute items . Then I had put it up front . When we unloaded the car to catch the shuttle we only got the bags from the back . My suitcase was still in the car ! I had no clothes except the ones I was wearing and the formal dresses I had put in the garment bag . While everyone else was watching the super bowl I was shopping for the essentials . I bought some lounge shorts , two shirts and a sun dress that I eventually returned ( I wore it to dinner one night and decided I really didn 't like it ) . My total came to $ 112 . Our stateroom attendant found me a set of kid 's toothbrushes , I used Samantha 's little make - up kit that I had been saving for her birthday , and luckily I had packed all my shoes separate . I was thinking that the suitcase full of Samantha 's presents would have been a good one to have left behind , she would have been sad but she would have survived . I am thankful that it wasn 't the boy 's suitcase . Can you imagine finding clothes for 4 boys , the ship shop didn 't even have women 's swimsuits , and they definitely wouldn 't have had boys ' clothes . 9 : Day 2 - At Sea | Monday , February 6 , 2012 Since we stayed up so late last night we decided to sleep in this morning , or at least not set an alarm . We just waited till the kids woke us up . Joshua was first one up wondering where his clothes were . Within minutes everyone but Jacob and Alex were awake . 10 : Once we were dressed we went to our first breakfast in the Windjammer . Alex got cereal , muffins and a donut . I got oatmeal , a delicious bran muffin and juice . Then I ate off all the other plates . A favorite was biscuits and gravy . The Adventure Ocean programs started at 9 AM and the boys didn 't want to be late . Daddy ran to get Ice - show tickets and I headed to check all 5 kids into the kid programs . After that we didn 't know what to do , there were too many choices . We peeked through the windows to spy on the kids before we settled on some chairs overlooking the back of the ship . Samantha , tired of the kid activities , checked everyone out around eleven . Luckily we found them in the room . Everyone went with us to the Thriller Dance class . Alex just watched but everyone else was interested in learning the Michael Jackson moves . Apparently we will know the whole dance by the end of the week and do a flash - mob style performance . We were a little late for the Meet and Mingle and barely got our raffle tickets in the bowl before the drawing . There was quite a crowd and we couldn 't find any seats but we won 2 prizes ! Alex got a bar of coffee flavored chocolate ( yuck ! ) and Matthew got a hat . I was excited because I needed one , but he has been wearing it all day . I guess I 'll have to get my own . Next we had ice - skating on the agenda . All the kids were in pants and I borrowed Samantha 's leggings , but I don 't think I needed them . I had also grabbed all the jackets but no one used them . It was surprisingly warm and the ice was even melting . Matthew fell once in a puddle of water and his pants were all wet . Jacob had fun collecting ice and making a snow ball . Matthew and Alex lasted the longest on the ice . We had to convince Alex we would come back to get his skates off . They made us wear helmets and a girl pointed out half way through that mine was on backwards . I will look goofy in the pictures . 12 : Johnny Rockets | By now we had worked up quite an appetite and were ready for Johnny Rockets . Unfortunately , Samantha tried to get ahead of the group and got temporarily lost . The buddy system only works if we use it - - we found her on the stairs . Jacob wanted to eat outside but without sun screen we decided to eat inside instead . The fries and onion rings were awesome ! The server kept bringing us more , but we wanted to save room for dessert . My BLT was really good and Alex actually ate his grilled cheese . When we ordered dessert we tried to get everyone to share , but all the kids at my table ended up with their own . Josh and Matthew were a little upset that they had to share , but I think they just liked the idea of getting their own , they would not have been able to finish . | Matthew , Daddy , and Joshua 14 : Back at the room we had quite the drama getting ready to go to the pool but we finally made it up to the deck . Since I don 't have a swimsuit I get to watch everyone swim while I sit here eating an ice - cream cone . I am reading a book and listening to the music . | Samantha 19 : Everyone on the ship looked fancy tonight , dressed up for formal night . I am so glad I had a nice dress to wear . All the boys were in their suits and matching ties and Scott looked dashing in his tuxedo . We let Samantha open an early birthday present so she could wear her brand new dress . To say that dinner was great would be an understatement . I tried Escargot and Jacob ordered the Duck . Jacob also tried caviar this afternoon at the Meet & Mingle , so we are getting quite the culinary experience . The pineapple soup wasn 't as good as the watermelon soup yesterday ; but the rolls were really good . Following dinner we went to meet the Captain . The guys standing in the reception line were more talkative than the Capitan . We had the main camera on us and Alex got camera shy , hopefully the picture turned out . The older boys wanted to go to Adventure Ocean while Samantha and Alex went with us to the evening show . The place was packed with standing room only . We were amused with some of the musical numbers . The performers picked out a girl Samantha had met to sing a Kermit the Frog song with them , it was cute but not enough to make us stay . The advantage to standing in the back means it is really easy to sneak out . Instead we went to explore the front of the ship on the helicopter pad . The ship had passed through a rain storm so the ground was wet but the sky above was clear and there was a full moon and clouds on the horizon . I tried to take a picture to capture the mood but nothing turned out because it was too dark . With a long day ahead of us tomorrow we picked up the boys early . They had a fun evening with Space activities and got to bring home space mud as a souvenir . We tried getting kids to sleep quickly , but that is always hard . Daddy and I left to go get sandwiches for the next day and when we got back I thought they were asleep but then I heard giggling . They were faking and had started a sock fight - - Samantha was their target . At least Alex was asleep ! 22 : Tuesday , February 7 , 2012 What an exciting day ! Can I say that every day ? Josh turned on the lights about 30 seconds before the wakeup call at 6 : 30 AM . He was ready to get the day started . 23 : Everyone but me got in their swimsuits before going to breakfast . Samantha was given another early birthday present - new Keen sandals . Perfect water shoes for our day of walking and playing by the beach . I had tummy troubles all night , which I will blame on the Escargot , so for breakfast I just stuck with a bran muffin and bananas . However I saw lots of donuts , sausage , gravy and waffles piled with strawberries and cream at our table . We also cleared out the ice water tray to fill our water bottles . Our goal was to be off the ship by 8 AM ( because I still needed a swim suit ) and I think we were close . We found a dive shop and I tried several suits on , but they were all 1069 pesos . I found a cute one with a skirt for 869 pesos but that was still $ 66 . 00 . I wanted a better deal . A taxi took us to town but the flea markets had only cover - ups or men 's suits . After driving around he finally took me to Mega Mart ! I spent all my time trying on swimsuits that didn 't fit or I didn 't like . This is where I needed to be to get all my supplies , be we had a taxi full of kids waiting for me so I tried to be quick . When my time was up I made me way to the register . My new swim suit was $ 15 , definitely worth the extra $ 10 to have a taxi take us there , but I never got my lipstick or contact solution . 24 : We finally made it to Chankanaab . Our appointments with the dolphins were at 11 AM and 12 PM . To see the sea lions half of our group went to the first show while the others played on the beach till their turn to go swim with the dolphins . Daddy , Jacob and Matthew were the first to go . Daddy had the camera but the people arranged it so he missed a lot of the good shots . Back on the beach , Alex and I attempted to build a sandcastle but found that volcanoes are a lot easier to build . Samantha and Josh came to help when we started filling the lava ( water ) from our masks but that would have taken a long time . We ended up with a lot of pictures of the kids with buried legs instead . | Jacob & Matthew 25 : Samantha , Josh and I got to go swim with the dolphins next . Joshua was hungry and a little nervous but when Matthew came back super excited I think it helped . Jacob , Matthew , Scott and Alex went snorkeling while we headed off to our appointment with the dolphins . We had a group of 7 people with 2 dolphins . Throughout the next hour we got to take turns doing tricks with the dolphins - - give a kiss , get a kiss , dance , hand touch , a dorsal fin and foot push . Josh got lucky because the trainer got confused and had the dolphins give him a dorsal fin swim twice . Then when he was to do the foot push he almost got another fin swim because he was giving the dolphins the wrong signal . They had another trainer come out and help him and he flew out of the water and stood up . It was an amazing feeling when the dolphin pushes you out of the water . I thought it was hard to stand up straight . I got the most pictures and video of Joshua . However , when I was out with the dolphins Josh was the photographer , so I was glad that he got one of me . Everyone loved our experience ! In the past when we have fed the dolphins at Sea World I always kept my distance , but now I realized it was the fish I didn 't like , not the dolphins . We got multiple chances to pet the dolphin and hold our hands out and touch them . We got to hold them and really play with them . I still can 't believe I got to ride them . That was the best experience ; I was shocked when the first person from our group did it and made it look so easy . The trainer had given them directions in Spanish so I didn 't know what was coming . At dinner Matthew mentioned that riding the dolphins was the best part of his day . | Samantha & Joshua 27 : We spent the next 2 hours playing at the beach and snorkeling . I know the park had more to offer , but it was easier to just relax under the umbrella and play in the sand and the shade . Samantha found her friend Shaina and collected shells while Matthew and I snorkeled . Daddy and Alex recreated the volcano that we had started . Of course they went above and beyond and also made a cruise ship out of sand ! We had to be back on the ship by 3 : 30 PM . I picked up some vanilla as a souvenir for our babysitter and Samantha found a nice wrap for her swimsuit . For lunch we had packed sandwiches from the ships so we were hungry but didn 't want to spoil our dinner . 28 : YOU ' RE ON THE WRONG SHIP ! - - It was like being in a narrow canyon when these two Royal Caribbean ships were next together . Ice - cream cones were the snack of choice as we headed up to the pool to watch the ship set sail . I loved it up there . It was perfect weather . Samantha and I ran down to get books and read in the chairs . We were up on the deck with the view of the ocean and the clouds on the horizon . I know we had worried about rain ruining our day , but the sun had been out all day until then . Most of the kids had sunburns to prove it . While Samantha and I were reading , Scott and the boys snuck down to the Windjammer for more snacks . Needless to say , Alex only ate his roll and dessert at dinner . Of course he probably would have done that anyway . 30 : DINNER | Alex : Jacob you 're awesome . In fact everyone at this table is awesome , but not Samantha . Samantha : What ? I 'm not awesome ? Alex : Oh , alright , you 're awesome too . | For dinner most of us had the crab cakes and clam chowder . YUM ! Samantha was looking forward to the Beef Stroganoff , her favorite meal . She wondered if it would be with pasta or potatoes , but it came with rice . My fish was good but nothing exciting . Our waiters gave us a little show and marched around the dining room and sang a song on the stairs . Alex loved swinging his napkin and cheering . He tried to show the waiter but kept dropping his napkin . | Dinner Conversation | After dinner there wasn 't much going on so we let the boys go up to the Adventure Ocean kids club . Scott was getting sick and fell asleep early . Samantha and I read our books and ordered room service . At 8 : 30 PM I picked the boys up for bed time . We had ordered them hot chocolate and it took an hour to get them all ready for bed and settled . With everyone sleeping I went up to see a game show . When you see stuff like that on TV I always think it would be fun just to play , so on a cruise ship you actually can play . Did you know by popular opinion the most handsome man is George Clooney ? And most people think a tiger would be a good pet to have ? 33 : Wednesday , February 8 , 2012 Samantha got another early birthday present today , a new swimsuit . Super cute ! I had plans to go run , but without clothes to exercise in those plans were shot . We ate breakfast in the Windjammer with all the fixings ' . Yogurt with granola , waffles with fruit and whipped cream , donuts , muffins . The four older kids had come up to breakfast without us and got their food . A nice lady came up later and commented on how well they had behaved . I am glad the kids are doing so well . We have had a lot of comments this trip . On a ship with not very many kids , a family with 5 kids ( 4 of whom are boys ) really stands out . When we were going down the stairs I saw two people start counting . I bet people do it a lot and I just don 't notice . Today we are in Grand Cayman . Our ship was still moving while we were eating breakfast . Here we have to tender over to the island , so Daddy got in line to get tender tickets while I took a group to the rock climbing wall . Since it was a port day no one was there . Matthew , Jacob and Samantha got to go " as many times as we wanted . " Matthew was good with going up once , but the cruise people convinced him to try again . He went up even higher the second time . The first time up Jacob gave up half way , but then he made it to the top the next two times . Samantha wanted to race Jacob but they put her on a hard course with an overhang . I sped my way up the first two times , but my third try I got a harder course that took a lot of upper body strength . It would have been fun to do it more , but our muscles needed a break . We were finishing up just as Daddy came to see . We headed to our room to get ready to get on the boats and go to the island . After we were on land we took a bus ride through the town and passed the beaches and went through a jungle to get to the other side of the island . Then we got on a boat with a small tour group . We headed out to Stingray City first . Our boat had a deck with a great view . | Jacob , Samantha , Josh , Matthew , Mom & Alex 36 : Jacob wasn 't shy and jumped right in with his mask . Alex watched from up on top while the rest of us got in the water . As long as you keep your feet on the ground you are safe . I got a lot of chances to hold the stingray with the guides help and even kissed one this time . Grandpa was the name of a small stingray that they brought over to the kids . The males are small and look like babies . Joshua and Matthew really liked the little ones . After 20 minutes they brought out the food . At first we had 3 stingrays swimming around , but once the squid came out there were stingrays swimming all over the place . If you held the squid under the water they would come and suck it right up . | Stingray City | Jacob , Joshua & Mom 38 : Next we went snorkeling at the coral garden . Jacob was the first one in the water again , and one of the last ones out . Scott had brought easy cheese , so he was ready to see lots of fish . My favorite fish had a blue head , yellow tail with a thick black stripe down the middle and a thin white stripe in the middle of that . I saw more stingrays and a big shell at the bottom . The sun wasn 't out so all the colors seemed muted and not as vibrant as I remembered . Alex got dressed up in his snorkel gear , but then he changed his mind . It would have made a cute picture but since daddy had the camera it will only be a picture in my memory . We worked hard this last month to get Alex comfortable wearing his mask and breathing under water . He could do it , but he just wasn 't ready for the challenge . As a post note a month following our vacation Alex was looking at our pictures and expressed his regret that he didn 't go swim with the fish . He asked me if we could go again because he wanted to try it . Actually all the kids always ask when our next cruise will be and now I always answer - not till you get married . 41 : We got to snorkel for awhile but it never seems long enough . We thought they were going to take us to another snorkeling spot with star fish , but the boat only stopped long enough for a guide to jump in . I thought he was looking for star fish but within minutes he had 4 in his hand that they brought on board and continued our ride back to the dock . Alex didn 't feed the stingray and didn 't get to swim with the fish , but at least he got to touch the starfish . All our kids on the boat loved the starfish , but after the novelty wore off they sat back down . Alex stayed right there and kept picking them up and feeling their ridges . I 'm sure it was the highlight of his day . 42 : Seven Mile BEACH ! | Our tour included a ride back to the ship , but Scott talked the guide into dropping us off early at 7 mile beach . We could see our ship down the shore , but we still had a few hours to enjoy before we had to be back on board . They had a lot of fun activities on the beach , parasailing and such but I think the kids were just happy to play in the sand . Right there on the beach we ordered some Caribbean Jerk Chicken , fried mozzarella sticks and the kids loved the French fries . It is hard to pay for food when you know there is plenty on the ship , so we were just trying to hold their appetites over . 43 : " " Our memories of the ocean will linger on , long after our footprints in the sand are gone . " | Gradually the beach crowds disappeared and the activities and beach chair places started closing up . I got kicked off my chair . Apparently Grand Cayman is an hour ahead and with another ship already having left the port their work day was over . Then again I don 't think we realized how close we were cutting our time to getting back on the ship . We called the kids out of the water and told them the situation and that it was time to go . Our plan was to get a bus back into town . We started washing our feet , and gathering our stuff and I noticed Jacob had crossed the busy street to wait for a bus ; I started to chase him down with my 50 pounds of snorkel gear . 44 : I was mad , but really Jacob saved the day . A bus ( a little passenger van ) stopped and Jacob convinced him to wait for the entire family . We all loaded in , sand and all . When the driver got to the edge of town and had let everyone else off he detoured off his route and took us straight to the terminal . I felt so bad for the mess we had made - - wet suits - - bottles of sand dumped , so I hope we gave him a nice tip . We made it to the terminal with only minutes to spare . There was a security line , so Samantha and I felt we had at least a minute to pick up a quick souvenir . The problem was that I only had a credit card which wasn 't going through . Samantha had already left the store with our purchase , so just not buying wasn 't an option . I was the last one to board the tender and had the embarrassment of walking up the gangway all by myself . I couldn 't even find where Scott and the kids were sitting on the boat ; I guess they were too embarrassed to admit they knew me . We finally reconnected once we were back on the ship . We had tickets to the ice show so we decided to skip the dining room and just eat in the Windjammer . As much as I love the dining experience , sometimes it is too much for the kids . They are working hard on their manners , but it is a long time to | sit and be polite . Plus I feel like we are wasting a lot of food . The kids order these gourmet meals that they hardly touch . In the Windjammer they could see it before they put it on their plate and go back for more . The cold chill soups have been really good all week , but we found them in the Windjammer too . Instead of sipping it properly from a bowl , we both just filled a cup and drank it like a smoothie . So good ! | We sent the kids up to play in the adventure ocean while we waited in line for good seats . We were at the front of the line and got a tip to put our kids in the front row so they could be part of the show . Apparently those seats were reserved , and since there weren 't that many kids we didn 't have much competition for them . We probably didn 't have47 : Thursday , February 9 , 2012 We woke up early for our day in Jamaica . Samantha loved the decorations that we had put up last night after she went to sleep . I even put a balloon by her bed and she couldn 't believe she didn 't wake up when we put them up . | Day 5 - Jamaica & Samantha 's Birthday ! 48 : Breakfast was good but I noticed everyone getting the same things . By 8 AM we got off the ship and found our driver easily . Courtney Taylor . We took an hour drive to Ocho Rios for Dunn 's River falls . At the falls it was crazy . We were put in a group of 40 people and told to hold hands . There were lots of people and it was slow moving at first . Luckily we were at the front of our group so once when they stopped we kept going and lost our guide . Think that 's when things got better , we could go at our own pace which was a lot faster . 49 : The falls were so amazing and Alex was such a trooper even when going through deep water . When we got to the top we went back down in and climb up again . The second time was even better . The crowds were gone and we could just play as we went up . We got lots of pictures and slid down the rocks in a few places | Dunn 's River Falls | Dunn 's River Falls 50 : One thing that people don 't like about Jamaica is the pushy salesman . We told our kids not to act interested , but when people start giving stuff to your kids and saying it is free , it is hard to resist . At one point all the kids were holding wooded turtles and had necklaces . We walked away with 2 necklaces , 1 turtle , and 1 stingray . I think we negotiated down and got a good deal . Next we wanted to go tubing . I felt like we had the river all to ourselves . Alex wanted to just stay and watch , but we convinced him to sit down and try his tube . After the waterfalls he thought we were going to fall down , but once we convinced him it was safe and the rapids hit he was all smiles after that . He loved them ! We were singing songs too . If you 're happy and you know it say , " Yah Man " Our driver had also taught us to say , " No Problem " and " I - ree " which were all part of the song . We sang Happy Birthday to Samantha too . Towards the end we stopped for some fun , high jumping , swinging and looking at pictures that we didn 't buy . Josh was ready to give up his life savings but I had to convince him I had some good pictures too . Plus they didn 't even have a picture of the group . It was had keeping all the tubes together but at the end when it calmed down we just held each other to make sure we kept going - - that 's a picture I would have paid for . Our day was going fast ! For lunch we stopped at a local joint for Juicee Patties . They were meat filled pastries like empanadas but they were spicy ! Scott asked Alex if he could have a taste of his and Alex replied , " Yeah , you can taste it all gone ! " Everyone was calling for water , be we were running low on cash . Luckily by the time we got back in the car they forgot . 52 : Green Grotto | CAVES | The Chosen One | Lead the way , | We still had a few hours before it was time to board the ship so we stopped at the Green Grotto Caves . Samantha wasn 't so sure that is what she wanted to do on her birthday but majority ruled out . Actually the caves were on the road back to Ocho Rios , so the plan was to stop and see if they took credit cards . Luckily for us they did , because I think it was a highlight of the day . | As we got to go into the caves , we all had to wear hard hats for safety . We had an exceptional guide who really interacted with the kids . First off he gave them all nicknames . Princess , Superman . . . wish I could remember them all . . . . and The Chosen One . Joshua was a little nervous about being in the cave , but the guide picked up on it and picked Joshua as her personal helper . Joshua got to hold the flashlight and help guide others . I have been in caves before , but there was something so amazing about these caves and how they would open up to the rain forest above them . The trees had super long roots and would have to grow down to get to the hidden lake beneath . We also heard great stories about movies that had been filmed there and how people had lived in the caves in hiding for years . I was really sad when we left because we had no cash for a tip , but he definitely deserved it one because he did such a good job . | Kim , Samantha , Jacob , Joshua , Matthew , and Alex 53 : Yah man Be happy I - ree | Our personal taxi driver took us back to our ship . He had been so much fun and over the day had shared so much history and culture with us . The kids were so timid and quiet at first , but by the end of the day they were laughing and making up jokes with him . Just as we were getting out of the car we were about to pass the souvenir shops and we commented that we didn 't have any more money , but Jacob said excitedly , " But I still have $ 30 ! " Jamaican money is a little different , it sounds like a lot but he just had some left over change from lunch . Scott told him to keep it , it was a better souvenir than any thing he could buy . | Courtney Taylor 55 : Hip Hip Hooray , It 's My Birthday Today | Before dinner we had a little birthday celebration with a tradition we like to call , opening presents . Samantha had actually been opening her presents all week long , so there wasn 't much left to surprise her with . Matthew and Joshua had pulled their money together to buy her a purse that I helped pick out . Jacob had bought her one of her favorite books ( he had another book picked out , but then she got it from one of her friends so we had to make a switch ) , and Alex had picked out cute window stickers for her room . She got sandals , clothes , dresses and new swim suit , and a cruise from us . She is definitely growing up when all she wants and gets are clothes , I am glad she thinks I did a good job of picking them out for her . I think those days are limited . We decided to skip the show for the evening and went swimming instead . It was fun sitting in the hot tubs ( there were three to choose from ) but once you were in the warm water it was hard to get in the pool . I went straight for the warm water , so I never did swim . Just before the Windjammer was about to close we rushed down there to get some ice - cream . You can 't have a birthday without the ice - cream ! This birthday was so much fun . Different , but a lot of fun , plus everyone enjoyed the day with Samantha . 56 : Friday , February 10th You would think that with a day at sea everything would be relaxing and calm , but we had quite the schedule . Following breakfast we sent the boys to Adventure Ocean for some fun activities , even Alex was ready to go play with kids his age . Then Scott , Samantha and I went to a lecture on how to become an author . Samantha loves writing stories and dreams of becoming an author someday . It really was more on how to self publish and get your name out there . I thought it was really interesting . It seemed like we were just going from one thing to the next all day . We played family crazy tag , went to more dance rehearsals , Samantha and I went to a jewelry making class , and some of us went to see the ice - skating performance again . | Day 6 At Sea | Matthew | Joshua 59 : Sunset ! | I think the boys would have come to the ice - show again if they could have sat in the kids seats to go on the train , but we thought they should give some other kids a turn . Ironically , there were no other kids . Alex was the only one with one other boy and they really had room for 5 - 6 kids . 61 : For formal night we got all dressed up again and headed to the dining room . It was another fun night of exciting food . Joshua was brave enough to try the lobster . I think it looked better than it tasted . Every night we have been taking pictures of our food , so tonight we let the kids control the camera and we just ended with a lot of blurry pictures of rolls . Following the torture of family pictures we let the kids change and let them go back to Adventure Ocean . | Jacob and Samantha | Scott and Alex 63 : " Arrr ! " | They had a pirate theme night and took the kids on a pirate parade . I actually remember seeing the pirate parade when we were on the ship a few years ago , but we missed it tonight . Daddy and I were getting ready for our zombie performance But here are some of the quotes that we heard for the next week . " ARRR - - We are the Pirates - - Swords up , Swords up - - Where 's grandma ? - Bingo , Bingo , Bingo - - Walk the plank ! - See ya wouldn 't want to be ya . - - How do you feel ? Sea sick , Ugh - - We 're not cute - give me all your lute ; we 're not funny , give me all your money . " Our thriller Dance was just before the Quest Game show which is an adult - only show . But I wanted the kids to see it and I wanted Samantha to help with the video . Five kids walking in the door just before 10 PM got them a lot of attention , and they got a personal escort over to us . I had saved seats for them , but by the time people had filled in they had moved our stuff . Samantha had a perfect view but seconds after the video started she saw the record button turn off . So she turned it back on , but really it was just flashing on and off , so she turned the video off and didn 't realize it . I was so sad that we didn 't get the video . Someone else posted it on YouTube , but you can hardly see us . 65 : Saturday , February 11th My watch started going off at 6 : 20 AM . I had thoughts of getting up for the sunrise , but sleep won over . I got up later to go running and met the family at breakfast . My idea was to run on the track but now that we are back in the Gulf the weather is switching . It is cold and windy ! I only made it a half lap around the track and then found the treadmill down in the fitness center . With the last day there is so much to do . The boys all wanted to go play in the Adventure Ocean so they went upstairs . Jacob hasn 't ' spent any money this trip so he wanted to play some arcade games . Because we were afraid of the money they would spend we never told them how to load their cards . Scott went to hear the Captain talk about the ship and navigation . I went to an enrichment lecture on video scrapbooking which was over in 15 minutes . So I went up to hear the captain too . Samantha finally hooked up with her friend and we gave her a little bit more freedom to wander for an hour with a meeting place . Without kids , Scott and I ventured to the Future Cruise Sales desk and put down our deposit on our next cruise . We know we will go again , we just don 't know when . We also watched the boat races ( out by the pool ( we wanted to make one but lost our directions the first day ) . The boys would have had fun , especially being such great competitors for the pinewood derby last month . Since it 's too windy and cold outside we found a nice and comfy cozy corner to just sit and relax and write . Samantha loved her morning wandering with her friend and we arranged to all meet at noon for family Bingo . However when it was time to meet , the boys had gone down to the real BINGO room . Luckily they noticed we weren 't there and finally came back to the right spot . We also found out that they did learn how to load their cars and have spent $ 50 in the arcade . That 's right $ 50 ! Jacob spent $ 20 and it was gone quickly . Joshua also loaded $ 20 and had $ 5 left . Matthew was a little more conservative and loaded $ 10 but still has $ 7 l66 : Joshua was really interested in the towel folding so we headed down to the demonstration while Scott took the others to the pool . Joshua wanted me to record the whole thing . There weren 't enough handouts to go around so I had to take a picture of the directions we missed out on . Back in the room Joshua and I practiced our new skills and then tried to trick the family into thinking our stateroom attendant had already visited our room . Too bad we saved our swimming for today because now I wished we had taken advantage of the beautiful weather yesterday . The kids participated in the pool games , so once they were wet it was easier to stay in the water . But when Josh and I came up they were all huddled in the hot tubs . The ice - cream cone still was good even though it was cold outside . We decided to skip the dining room tonight . Although it would have been fun to say goodbye to our waiters , I don 't think they missed us . The Windjammer at dinner time is so nice because it isn 't crowded . At one point we were sitting at a table and Matthew came over with a server carrying a plate of fries for him . Scott asked , " How do you get a personal server to bring you fries ? " Matthew 's response : " I dropped the first plate of fries ! " | Joshua 67 : While we were waiting for the evening show to start we snuck into a conference room for some family games . The kids were worried we were somewhere we weren 't supposed to be , and we assured them that if anyone needed the room they could kick us out . We had already looked upstairs at the official game room and it was full . Plus it was nice | to have a big room to let the kids be in where we didn 't have to worry about bothering anyone . However I think it was Daddy who did start to get into trouble . He started playing with the monitors and lighting and somehow turned on the cameras and lowered the projector . It was a fun game of Incan Gold but I don 't think anyone remembers who won . | Samantha and Matthew | Alex 68 : The Farewell show was fun to see a lot of the performers again , and plus they did a number with an assortment of all the staff that are on board . The kids loved the confetti that came raining down on us at the end . Jacob was trying to collect it so we could take it home , but I assured him it we weren 't packing it away . We decided to let the kids stay up as late as they wanted . We had to play in the arcade to spend the rest of the money on the cards , but we also had a 11 PM deadline to have our luggage packed to be picked up . I thought it would be fast , but we were scrambling to stuff everything in a bag . A little bit of contention crept in and the kids were fighting . I guess it shouldn 't have been a surprise , they were all sleep deprived and then we let them stay up as late as they want ? ! ? | Matthew and Joshua just wanted to go sleep so we let them rest while the rest of us left our bags in the hall as requested and then snuck down for a midnight snack . All week long I had been visiting the café late at night asking for lots of cookies and sandwiches , or hot chocolate so it was fun to bring the kids down to pick out their own treat . I couldn 't believe Alex stayed up so late , I guess he got a second wind . 70 : Samantha , Alex , Joshua , Kim and Matthew | Last Day Galveston , Texas | We were hoping there would be fog so the ship wouldn 't be able to dock and delay our arrival . We were in no hurry to return home , although we were excited to see how Nathan was . Alex had mentioned all week how much he had missed him . Following our last meal on the ship we just had to wait . We could either wait on the ship or wait in the long line to get off the ship and go through customs . 72 : We took pictures of the ship and went upstairs for some miniature golf . This was one of Alexander 's favorite things , and we hadn 't made time for it on Saturday . A few days before Jacob accidentally hit his ball and it had hit a poor lady in the head . Luckily we had the course to ourselves , so we didn 't have to worry about that . Everyone was cold and bundled up , so I was glad we all had our jackets . 73 : When the ship finally seemed empty and like it really was time to get off , we took the glass elevator all the way back down . All week long we only used the elevator a handful of times since we insisted the kids walk up and down the stairs . Once we were off the ship and onto the gangway we realized too late that there was still a long line and we should have waited another half hour to avoid just standing . 74 : When we finally made it back to the car , we found my lost bag in Nathan 's car seat . I can 't believe I made it all week long without all that stuff . I had been hoping to pick Nathan up before church , but we were running late . I had to sneak into the chapel and sit on the bench next to him . At first he didn 't notice me , but when he did he ran over to my friend and then buried his head in his blanket and just stayed that way for a minute . I finally dared to pick him up and he just started crying , so I had to take him out . It took the full 3 hours for him to really warm back up to me , and then he wouldn 't let me out of his site for the next week . I felt bad for him , but a week without taking care of a baby while on vacation was worth it .

As he walked down the alley across from the intersection , he immediately radioed for help . " 131 Bravo requesting assistance and ambulances . Two victims , one with multiple gunshot wounds , one badly beaten , " he said before running to his car and grabbing the emergency medical kit . He tried his best to take care of her , but wasn 't sure how bad things were , as all he could see was bruising and discoloration . The ambulances shortly after he finished working on the few wounds he could treat for her . He helped the medics load her into the ambulance , and then waited with the other squad car before getting radioed back to the station to file reports . Beep . Beep . Beep . The slow and steady rhythm was the first thing she heard . Trapped in a world of darkness , her eyes too heavy to open , she floated in a world of stillness . She didn 't want to open her eyes , to join reality . But the slowly building noises around her , the shuffling of hurried feet and calls for assistance , and the stinging smell of industrial cleaners and bodily fluids were too much for her to take . For what felt like hours , she struggled to open her eyes . It was as if someone had put weights on her eyelids . Finally , she opened them to bright , blinding light . As the stars in her eyes cleared , she took in the white and beige that surrounded her . Her fingers flexed and she felt the stiff , scratchy fabric beneath her . Whatever covered her made her whole body itch . She tried to turn her head , but pain flooded her and she grimaced , deciding to remain still . " Oh you 're finally awake . " A woman 's voice floated somewhere to her left . She didn 't dare try to look for fear of the pain returning . A deeply tanned face , wrinkles etched sharply around soft brown eyes , starred down at her . " I . . . " words felt rough in her throat , like she 'd swallowed sand . " I don 't know . " She fought to form the words , worried of hurting her throat and that she didn 't know anything . " Hmm , that is a problem . Are you sure you don 't know your name ? " The lips pursed above her . Pink lipstick had smeared just at the right corner of the mouth , like half a clown 's smile . " No . " The word terrified her . She didn 't know . Who was she ? Where was she ? What was going on ? " Okay , no need to panic . " The face hurried to reassure as the beeping sound grew louder , faster , more urgent . The eyes flicked towards the source of the sound . " Some memory loss is expected after the kind of trauma you 've been through . " " Now don 't strain yourself . Your memories will come back in time . Why don 't I go get someone who can explain what happened . " And with that the face was gone . " We don 't know , dear , you didn 't have any identification on you . " The face reappeared . She didn 't know she 'd spoken aloud . " We have you down as a Jane Doe until we find out who you are . " Connor was told to head over to the hospital after filling his report out . The doctors said that the woman would be waking up at any time , and he might be needed to help her remember things . He also had to identify the body as well , before it was shipped to the morgue . The gunshot wounds turned out to be fatal , with the first victim D . O . A . He pulled on a precinct polo , stretching a bit to relieve the tension in his well muscled frame . The hours at a desk filling out reports had left him a little cramped , and now he would have to go sit in a waiting room until the woman woke up . He sighed , checked his phone , and then finished pulling on some slacks before heading out to his truck . He was happy he didn 't need to be in a squad car , but still didn 't quite want to go to the hospital . Oh well , that 's work . It took him about 5 minutes with the traffic , and then he was parking in the restricted lot for cops . He walked in and found the information desk . " I 'm looking for a jane doe and a body , " he told the young girl working the computer . Her fingers clicked over the keys , and she quickly pulled a sheet out of the printer before handing it to him . She went back to working , leaving him to find his way . He sighed and then went to identify the body . He shrugged before following her into the room . He could see that the woman was obviously beautiful , but knew this was professional . He stepped up to the bed and then turned around . The nurse was gone . He shook his head before looking back down at the woman . " What happened ? " She forced the words from her dry lips , desperate for answers . " And who are you ? Do I know you ? " She prayed he knew who she was , that he could provide her with the missing pieces of her identity . Sadly , that was not so . She listened as he explained who he was and how he 'd found her . Jane tried not to let the disappointment show on her face . There would be no answers tonight ( was it night ? She couldn 't tell as her room had no windows ) . " Who was the other . . . " What did she call him , the other victim ? The other body ? " The man with me ? " Maybe if they knew his identity it would give her a clue as to her own . Conner took a deep breathe and launched into his explanation . " We got a call about a shooting , and I went to check it out . When I got there , you and the deceased male were on the ground . You were beaten , he was shot . He died before getting to the hospital , you are here . Neither of you had identification , and don 't show up in our system , " he said , keeping it short and full of what was the truth . He could see she wanted to know who she was , but he unfortunately didn 't have that info . He wasn 't going to talk her ear off either . He looked down at her and sighed . " Get some rest . I 'll send the nurse in to check on you . If I find anything , I 'll let you know , " he said before walking out . He rubbed his fingers against the stubble on his cheek as he tried to figure out what to do with this woman . He could tell that she was from a better income situation based on her looks . They were too well manicured to be from a middle or low income situation . He wasn 't at liberty to guess though , and could tell that it would just cause her more discomfort than what she was already in . " Find a bed and hunker down . You 're on duty at the hospital until we can figure out what to do with this jane doe , " he said . Conner sighed as he walked to the information booth again . Luckily , a male nurse was working , and quickly pointed him to a room where the doctors often slept on the night shift . He wearily made his way to the room , selecting the bed closest to the door as he waited . He stayed ready , and made sure that his radio was loud enough to wake him if he fell asleep . He checked his phone again , ignored the text from his sister , and then laid down to think on the past 48 hours . Her head still ached , her brain felt fuzzy , and her body ached from bruises that were turning a sickening yellow color . When the nurse had bathed her , Jane had seen the bruises and the wave of nausea that consumed her at the sight of them was almost too much for her to take . Her torso was covered in the bruises , marring the pale skin with the sickening blotches . The nurse said that they would fade in time , but Jane didn 't think she 'd ever get the image from her mind . Nor would she ever get the questions from her mind . Her thoughts ran in circles as she tried to recover her memories of what happened . Any memory would do , in fact . Even if she could just remember what her favorite color was . Did she even have one ? And what about family ? Surely her family was looking for her . But no one had come to see her except for the officer who had found her . Laying in the hospital bed , Jane could feel tears slowly streaming down her face . They fell from her cheeks , some landing on the lumpy pillow beneath her and others in her ears . It was too much . It was all too much . How was she supposed to live if she didn 't know who she was ? Everyone said her memories would come back . The doctors , the nurses , the cop , they all believed it . But Jane didn 't . How could she when she was trying so hard and she still couldn 't get even an inkling of who she was ? Her crying tired her out and sent Jane into a fitful sleep . She could feel herself floating away into the oblivion of a dreamless sleep . Footsteps sounded in the hall , coming towards her room . She ignored them , determined to fall asleep no matter what those nurses did . The footsteps entered her room and moved towards her bed . A soft sigh escaped her cut lips as her subconscious readied her to be awoken . And she was awoken , by a pillow covering her face , cutting off her air . Connor was shaken awake . He immediately sprang up into a sitting position , his gun out of the holster . He looked at the male nurse who woke him up before standing up . Connor nodded before holstering his weapon . He got his handcuffs out before following the nurse . He was lead to the bathroom inside the jane doe 's room . He stepping into the bathroom and was greeted with a fist to his stomach . He shook it off before stepping to the side . " Fuck ! " the man attacking him said , as his fist connected with the solid wood of the door . Connor stepped into him and hit him with an uppercut to the stomach , knocking the wind out of him . As the man doubled over , Connor took him down , before easily rolling him over and cuffing him . He pulled out zip - ties and cuffed his ankles as well , to make sure he couldn 't get away . When he was satisfied the man wouldn 't get away , he went to look Jane over . He smiled , seeing that she was okay , but scared and a little worse for wear . " Do you know why anyone would do this to you ? " he asked , already knowing the answer . He still had to ask though , following procedure . Even though the pillow no longer covered her face , Jane felt as if she couldn 't breathe . She struggled to catch her breath , fighting off the rising panic of nearly being smothered to death . Tears streamed down her face as the nurses tried to reassure her that everything was alright . Her body shook uncontrollably and goosebumps covered her flesh . She tried to calm down , but a brush with death was nothing to be calm about . Especially when it came on the cusp of her losing her memory due to a brutal beating . Something was seriously wrong and Jane was , suddenly , afraid of regaining her memories . What would happen when she got her memory back and it turns out she had done , or was involved with , something horrible . Cold fear surrounded her as the nurse settled her back down in the bed . Jane was certain she would never be able to sleep again . The cop came in , Jane couldn 't remember his name , and arrested the man who had attacked her . After everything had calmed down in the room , everything except for Jane 's heart which continued to race inside her chest , the cop settled into a chair not far from her bed . " I 'll be here , so go to sleep , " he said quietly . The fact that he 'd situated his chair close to the door , but in a way that he would not be seen by anyone coming in , did not go unnoticed by Jane . " You think someone else will try , don 't you ? " She said , her voice shaky as she eyed the door . She turned her head to meet his eye , noticing the way that he wouldn 't return her gaze . " Maybe it would be better for everyone if I had just died . Then none of this would be happening . " Connor just shook his head . He hated the way she had thought that being dead would fix everything . From a selfish point of view , it would mean a lot more paperwork for him , and it would be a victim that he lost when he could have prevented it . He knew she needed to sleep , but decided that she needed to hear it . " It wouldn 't be good , or easier , or whatever , if you were dead . You 'd be dead , and we 'd be no closer to finding out who did this . As for your question , I don 't think it will happen again , but I want to be in a place where I can make sure I stop it , " he said simply . He turned the lights off , knowing that he would be fine for the rest of the night , before a squad car would bring two more officers , probably recruits or people on shit detail , to let him get some shut eye . He knew he would need some after dealing with this woman . Jane had already found a way to drain him of energy , simply with her negative view of things . So what if she didn 't recover her memories . It was better than her dying to make others feel better . It wouldn 't make anything better , and she 'd be dead . He shook his head , knowing the value of human life . He had already lost a friend and fiancee to homicide several years ago , and knew that it didn 't do anything but make people angry , hurt , and vengeful . He settled down , derailing that train of thought . Instead , he remembered a mental exercise his sensei had taught him when he was growing up . It helped him focus , but also helped with his memory . He sat doing that , watching the nursing shifts change , waiting for the next detail to come relieve him . When they came , he nodded before looking at Jane . She was still asleep , and he made sure both the officers knew that only her personal doctor and the red - haired nurse were allowed in the room , as per agreements between the chief and the head of the hospital . He went back to his bed and laid down , resting for as long as he could before being needed . It had been five days since Jane had woken up . Her body , while still sore , was slowly healing and , aside from her memory loss , there was nothing wrong with her . At least nothing that the doctors could cure . Which left Jane at a crossroads . Where did she go from here ? Where could she go ? In the five days that she 'd been in the hospital nobody had showed to lay claim to her . In fact , her only visitors were Officer Mason and the other officers that took turns watching over her after her other visitor , the would be killer , had made his appearance . So now what ? Jane was back to wondering where she would end up , what she would do . Without her memories she had no idea where she lived or what she did for a living . And now she was going to be tossed out with nowhere to go . And who was going to pay the hospital bill , which had to be an astronomical amount as Jane had no clue if she had health insurance . The thoughts whirling through her brain were starting to make her head hurt and Jane closed her eyes with a groan . " Good morning , Officer . " Mona greeted him with a flirtatious smile . Mona had to be at least fifty - five , but that didn 't deter her from flashing a smile at the handsome cop whenever he was around . " I take it you heard the news , are girl is getting out today . " " You 're staying with me . Chief 's orders . Once you 're released , we 'll drive to my place , and we can get you situated , " Connor said to Jane , ignoring Mona . He liked Mona , but knew she was married and had a daughter his age . The flirting was harmless , but he still tried to dissuade her from doing it , especially because she could be a little over the top at times . He smiled tightly , not exactly happy with the news . He hadn 't told his family , due to not keeping in touch with them . He also didn 't like the idea of them getting ideas about Jane . He was just keeping her safe until she knew who she was . He had extra space , especially after renovating his house . He just wondered if she would be comfortable there . It was definitely a man 's home , and he didn 't really have any qualms about it being that . He had his hobbies , namely his martial arts , as well as his library of videos and books . He was also a huge DIY guy , and had a huge workshop in his garage . He waited for Mona to release Jane , before grabbing her things and waiting for her . " We are parked in the private lot , and I 'm the big silver Chevy . I 'll be right behind you , so we can leave once you 're ready , " he said calmly and quietly to Jane . The attendant wheeled Jane out to the hospital entrance ; the gray sky and pattering rain were a perfect backdrop to her own mood . After days of laying in a hospital bed with Mona only letting her up to go to the bathroom and the occasional walk around her room , Jane was tired of sitting , tired of laying down , and tired of not feeling in control of her own life . No one had outright said that Jane had to stay with Officer Mason , but the way in which he 'd told her the situation had made it implied . But what other choice did she have ? Jane had no where to go and staying with the officer , who was at least a little attractive , was better than a park bench somewhere . After wheeling her out and making sure the wheelchair was locked , the attendant returned to the hospital , leaving Jane to sit by herself until Officer Mason pulled his car around . Sitting out there , all on her own , she felt completely exposed and all too aware of how she looked . The bruises had faded for the most part , but her skin was still tinged a delightful mustard yellow . When Jane had surveyed herself in the mirror earlier she imagined that her face looked just like a person 's hands after trying to wash off paint , a faded color that was still noticeable to the naked eye . Her hair was a complete mess , she 'd tried running a brush through it , but there had been so many snags and tangles that she had been sorely tempted to grab the nearest pair of scissors - not that there were any - and hack off whatever she could reach . The clothes that she 'd been admitted in were trashed . They 'd been too covered in blood for anyone to salvage . So , Jane was dressed in some of the old clothes that Mona had brought her , clothes that no self - respecting woman in her fifties had any right owning . Along with the few items that were packed away in a bag that Mona had brought , Jane was dressed in a frayed jean mini - skirt and a tank top . She looked , at least in her mind , like a whore and was not comfortable in the least . Once she was settled at Officer Mason 's , Jane was determined to make a shopping trip her number one priority . Memories be damned , she needed clothing that actually covered her . " So , I guess if I 'm living you I should call you something other than Officer Mason , huh . " She said , buckling in as he pulled the car out of the parking lot . Her whole time in the hospital , Jane had only known him as Officer Mason , the serious , no - nonsense cop that watched over her like a hawk . They hadn 't really spent much time in conversation , talking only as little as possible , each wrapped up in their own thoughts . But now , time stretched before them and Jane didn 't know what to think . What would they talk about ? Would they even talk ? It was all to confusing for her poor , damaged brain . Connor had started to unbuckle his seatbelt to help Jane into the truck , but when he saw that she was already up and out , he let her do it . He knew what it was like to finally be able to get out of that type of situation and move forward . He waited until she was buckled in before taking off , the big diesel engine roaring to life as it was fed fuel . When he heard her question , he just answered , " Connor , " without looking at her , focused solely on his own thoughts . He hadn 't lived with a woman in a long time , and wasn 't sure how things were going to work out . He shrugged to himself , figuring things would work themselves out as they happened . He knew right away that she needed new clothes , and was happy to see that that would be provided for . He had plenty of money , but didn 't know if she would let him buy her clothes , or anything for that matter . Instead , all her needs would be taken care of by the police station for the time being . He sighed softly as he started to think about how to plan everything . He did have the spare bedroom , so he 'd just need to put sheets on the bed . He 'd also have to buy new pillows , as the old ones were well used and ready to go anyways . He realized he also needed food , as she probably wouldn 't like his odd tastes . As he started compiling a mental list , he realized this could be harder than he thought . He reached over into the glove box while they were stopped , and pulled out a pen and pad of paper . " Write down the foods you think sound good , the types of entertainment that might interest you , and anything else that you think you 'd need , aside from clothes and toiletries , " he said quietly , trying to figure out everything exactly that would be needed . He heard the pen scribbling on paper as he pulled through the intersection . He quickly zoned out as he drove , reaching his house quickly and efficiently . He killed the engine before hopping out of the cab and making his way to her door . He opened it and offered his hand , before saying , " home . " Tapping the pen on the pad of paper he handed her , Jane considered what she should write down . How did she know what sounded good or what might keep her entertained ? She could always use this moment , however , to do or try things she never would have if she had her memories . . . or maybe she was the adventurous type and this would be a chance she would have jumped at . The thoughts circling themselves in her brain made Jane dizzy . Deciding that it was a win - win situation no matter what she chose , she began to scribble down the first things that popped into her brain . The task kept her busy for the rest of the ride , which she was grateful for as the drive had been filled with uncomfortable silence as neither she nor Connor knew what to say to each other . " Home . " Connor 's single word pulled Jane from her writing and she realized that she had filled nearly three pages with things she wanted to try . Glancing out the window , Jane took in the house sitting before her . It was a modest home , but seemed welcoming all the same . Jane couldn 't help but wonder what her own home looked like . . . if she even had one . Climbing out of the car , she followed Connor inside the front door , taking in the obvious bachelor pad feel . If she had wondered about it before , it was now painfully obvious that Officer Mason was single . Jane was unsure of how she felt staying with a man who had no woman in his life . Just the two of them , all alone in the house , could get uncomfortable . But , for the moment , Jane had other things to focus on , such as regaining her memories , and finding a bathroom . " Um . . . where 's your restroom ? " She asked softly , the fact that she had to pee had snuck up on her during the drive . With Connor 's direction , she quickly found the bathroom and , after taking care of business , decided to take the time to poke around . Jane had a feeling that she was a nosy person , a fact that she was made certain of as she opened up the medicine cabinet and sifted through the items inside . Her curiosity satisfied , at least for the moment , she moved out of the bathroom and back into the living room to find Connor . But he wasn 't there . " Connor ? " She called softly , a sudden fear gripping her . The walls began to close in on her and the breath caught in her throat . She hadn 't been alone , even for a moment , since she 'd woken in the hospital . Jane could feel her heart beating rapidly inside her chest as she glanced around the living room , searching . " Connor ? " Her voice cracked with building fear , her body beginning to shake . What was happening to her ? Jane couldn 't control the fear that was quickly swallowing her . Tears sprung to her eyes , falling in rapid waterfalls down her cheeks . Her knees felt weak and Jane felt herself falling to the floor , collapsing on herself . The fact that her body was rebelling scared Jane . The fear was irrational and Jane knew that , but her body refused to admit to it . It was as if her mind and body were reacting to something that Jane didn 't remember . Connor heard Jane call for him and immediately stepped out of his room , shirt in hand and jeans unbuttoned . He could hear the fear in her voice , and when he walked into the living room it was confirmed . She looked like a complete mess . He stepped towards her , and could see her body unconsciously drawing away from him . " Jane , I 'm right here , and I won 't hurt you , " he said calmly , trying to soothe her . He finally got next to her and wrapped her in a hug , holding her , letting her know that she was secure , and wouldn 't be hurt . He picked her up gently before walking her to the guest bedroom . He figured that she needed rest to calm down , and gently laid her down on the bed . He stayed with her , holding her as he softly started to hum while rubbing her back . He wanted her to feel safe with him , and didn 't know any other way than to let her know he was there for her and wouldn 't hurt her . He realized she had fallen asleep when he heard her regular , deep breathing . He quickly slid out from under her , careful not to wake her , as he went to start making what food he had . He decided to not worry about it , knowing that he needed to just be himself . He changed back into the shorts he was going to wear , opting out of a shirt . He stood over the stove , making some noodles to eat as he tried to figure out how to help Jane cope with what she had been through . He didn 't have any experience , and knew that he would end up messing things up if he tried to take control . Instead , he fixed a cup of coffee after finishing his noodles . He left a note on the end table next to Jane 's bed letting her know he was just outside , and started to read a book as he waited for Jane to find him . Jane 's eyes opened slowly , her lids heavy with exhaustion . She groaned as the soft light of the setting sun invaded her vision . Her throat felt scratchy and her eyes crusted . Struggling to sit up , the memory of her break down flooded back . Jane had no idea what had set her off or why it had even happened in the first place , but some unknown fear had gripped her and caused her panic attack . If only she knew the cause . Seeing Connor 's note , Jane picked it up and read it quickly . He had been so kind , so compassionate , wrapping her in his arms and trying to comfort and reassure her . Jane knew she 'd never be able to repay him for everything he had already done for her . The scales would forever balance in his favor . Stretching out the kinks in her back and neck , Jane moved around the room to find the bag of clothes that Mona had given her . She tried to find something that looked comfortable , but everything was too tight looking . Right then , Jane wanted nothing more than a pair of baggy sweatpants and a sweatshirt . Figuring that she already deeply in debt to Connor , Jane moved through the house until she found his room . Going through his dresser she found what she was looking for , a pair of gray sweatpants and an over - sized t - shirt . After pulling on the clothes , she wound her hair up into a messy bun and decided to find Connor and see if she could get something to eat as her stomach was making its emptiness known . " I hope you don 't mind , " Jane said coming to sit in the chair beside him , " but I borrowed some of your clothes . Mona 's stuff isn 't very comfortable . " Her smile was soft and shy , as she was suddenly aware of how intimate a moment this would be if they were anyone else . Connor smiled softly , nodding his head . He forgot what it was like to see a woman in his clothes , and lost himself for a minute just looking at her . It struck him hard how much he missed her . " I wish things had been different , " he said softly to himself . He finally shook his head and looked back at Jane and smiled . " What we need to do is run into town and get you some clothes of your own , " he said smiling . He wasn 't going to bull through a response until she said yes , but he would let her know that the finances were taken care of . He knew how uncomfortable she was with the stuff Mona packed , and to be honest , he was too . He thought for a minute and then smiled sheepishly as his stomach started to grumble . " If you 'd be okay with it , we can go to the mall in town , get you some clothes , toiletries , and stop at the food court for dinner . We can finish the shopping out with anything else we need , " he said , thinking that it would solve most of the problems . They could worry about food tomorrow . He stood up , stretching his long frame out . He heard the popping in his back and groaned softly . It had been some time since he had slept in a comfy spot , or a bed for that matter , as he slept in her room for the remainder of her stay after the man attacked her . He sighed as the muscles in his back felt like they slid back into place now that his back was more loose . He smiled down at her and then went to pull on a tank top , and slipped into some sandals . He realized he had an old pair of sandals , from her before everything happened . He smiled tightly at Jane and then said , " I have a pair of women 's sandals if you 'd like to wear them while we go to the mall , " he said . He waited for an answer as he rubbed his hand over his face , making a mental note to pick up a new razor and shaving cream . His old one had lost most of its sharpness , and he needed a shave badly . He ran a finger through his hair and then smiled , happy that the haircut still felt semi new . Sitting in the car once more , Jane tried not to think about the woman who had worn the sandals she now donned . But the questions came to her anyway , at least she kept from asking them aloud . Though it was extremely difficult . Who had she been ? Was it possible that Connor had been married once ? Did they belong to an old girlfriend ? Or did they belong to a current girlfriend ? Pulling her hair out of her face , Jane twisted the brown locks into a makeshift bun and tucked the strands securely in place . The action felt so familiar , like one she 'd done numerous times before . The thought gave her pause and she tried to recall doing it before , but , as usual , her mind was a blank . She glanced at Connor , his eyes focused firmly on the road ahead . He was just as much a mystery as she , and Jane found herself wanting to learn more about him . The way that he had looked at her , dressed in his clothes , had sent a shiver down her spine . A shiver that wasn 't completely unwanted . Now , as they pulled into the mall parking lot , their drive having passed in complete silence , Jane couldn 't help wondering what was going through his head . " So . . . " Jane paused , her voice sounding extremely loud as it broke the silence . " Where should we start ? " The mall was massive and Jane was fairly certain that she would get completely turned around if Connor didn 't take the lead . Not to mention , she had no clue where anything was . Connor smiled Jane 's helpless expression , before patting her hand . He realized the gesture , and pulled his hand away slowly . " How about we start with clothes ? There 's a chain store , or there are a few local stores that we have . I think the chain store will have a better selection , but we can swing by the local shops after for anything we specifically need , " he said . He walked to Jane 's side of the truck and smiled as he opened the door for her , before holding out his hand . It didn 't dawn on him that he used to do this gesture all the time with her . He waited patiently , making the mental note longer as he tried to think of what all they could eat for lunches and dinners . He also knew that the captain had given him the next two weeks off , so as to make sure Jane was comfortable . It had been the captain 's order to make sure that nothing was bothering her , and that she wasn 't trying to remember anything too hard . He had been told to keep her safe as well , and that was what he was going to do . He smiled back at her as he waited . " Are you ready to go shopping for new clothes ? " he asked . Jane browsed the racks , quickly flipping through the clothes , eager to find what she needed and get out of there . Unlike so many of the women in the store , Jane wasn 't findin the experience overly exciting . If anything , the process of looking at and trying on clothes was exhausting . She wondered , though , if she 'd always felt this way or if this hate of shopping was a result of her memory loss . " I 'm ready . " She said quietly , indicating the stack of clothes in her arms . Jane couldn 't help feeling embarrassed as Connor paid for the clothes . There was something that didn 't set right with her about behind beholden to someone . She did not like feeling that now she owed Connor for his kindness , though he wasn 't the one actually purchasing the clothing for her . As they left the store , Jane excused herself and headed into the restroom . Ripping the tags off a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a plum - colored V - neck t - shirt , she quickly donned the clothing and felt a million times better for it . It was nice to get out of someone else 's clothing and into something that was her own , something that felt right to wear . Gathering up her bags , she made her way out of the restroom to where Connor stood in the mall 's food court . " I guess shoes are next . " She grimaced , glancing down at her feet and the borrowed sandals that were a size too small . If clothes shopping was bad , shoe shopping was sure to be a nightmare . " Why do women enjoy this so much ? " She muttered , more to herself than Connor . " Dante could have used it to create a tenth circle of hell . " In the back of her mind , lines from Dante 's Inferno floated through her thoughts and Jane couldn 't help the slow smile that tugged at her lips . She was remembering something . Granted it wasn 't a life altering memory , but still , at some point in her life she had studied Dante and the thought of herself snuggled up with the text engulfed her and , for once since all this had happened , Jane could feel hope returning . Connor noticed the murmurs that Jane had said , smiling . He knew all about the Divine Comedy , having read it in high school for a project , and enjoying it immensely . He decided to keep quiet after seeing her smile , knowing she was remembering something about her past . " Well , we can either get shoes , or food . It 's up to you , " he said , thinking that food might be a good break for her from her shopping . It was refreshing to know that he wouldn 't be in the stores for hours on end while she tried stuff on . He waited patiently , idly replaying parts of the Comedy in his head , reflecting on the 9 circles of hell : Limbo , Lust , Gluttony , Greed , Anger , Heresy , Violence , Fraud , and Treachery . It surprised him that he was still able to remember all of the circles . He looked at her , smiling softly as he saw her reaching her decision . " Food , " she replied quickly . The very thought of trying on shoe after shoe was enough to make her scream . Plus , she was starving and ready for a break . As if to agree with her , her stomach rumbled , causing Jane to blush . After another couple of hours passed , Jane was , happily , tucked away in Connor 's car and on the way back to his place , the backseat loaded with the fruits of their labor . Glancing back at the bags that covered the backseat , Jane wondered , not for the first time , whether or not this aversion to shopping was something new or if it carried over from the life she couldn 't remember . Her thoughts were looped around like a carousel , always wondering when she would remember her past and half - afraid that , when she did , she would wish she hadn 't . Though Jane wanted to remember who she had been , she couldn 't shake the feeling that there was something dark lingering in the corner of her former life . Something that was biding its time until it could jump out and get her . " Do you think I 'll ever remember ? " She asked quietly . " Do you think I 'll ever remember who I am or where I came from ? " Her eyes moved to Connor 's face , watching him as he maneuvered through the afternoon traffic . Connor was relegated to carrying bags for the rest of the day after the stopped and got food . He was okay with that though . It kept his hands full , and his thoughts occupied on other things . He was wondering what would happen when Jane remembered everything . She seemed to hate shopping currently , and he wondered if that carried over from something else . As the loaded up the truck , he smiled . The whole back seat was full of bags and boxes . He chuckled before holding her door open then climbing into his side . He knew traffic wouldn 't be too bad , but it would still take a little while for them to get home , at least longer than it took to get to the mall . Connor heard her question and thought for a minute . " I do think you 'll remember . I think that you 're still recovering , and that you 'll start to get things back slowly , before it all comes back to you . Just take your time , don 't try to push your mind , and enjoy the present , " he said softly , stopping at a red light . He looked over at her and took her hand softly , squeezing it to try to reassure her . He didn 't want her to stress about this . It would take the natural course of things , and if she tried to rush it , things would just get worse . He didn 't want that to happen to her , so tried to let her know he was there for her . " Thank you , " she said , her voice soft , her eyes on fixed firmly on his . " Thank you for everything . I know that babysitting me is the last thing that you want to do , but I appreciate it . " Embarrassed of the tears that began to surface , Jane ducked her head , allowing the curtain of her hair to hide her face . " I don 't know what I would do if you weren 't helping me . " Her voice , husky with emotion , broke as the tears began to fall down her cheeks . Connor pulled to the side of the road , away from traffic and slid across the seat . He wrapped his arms around Jane , hugging her softly . " I 'm not babysitting you , and I 'm happy to help . I 'm just trying to help you get back on your feet , and make sure you have a place to stay , that 's all , " he said , rubbing her back softly . He didn 't know why he was doing this , as he normally was closed off with people . He chastised himself inwardly for thinking that , and realized he needed to be a bit more open , especially with a housemate . " Jane , look at me , " he said , tilting her chin and moving her hair . " You and I are housemates . I 'm not babysitting you , you 're not babysitting me . We are grown ups just living life . Don 't worry about my helping you . I want to , and you 'd be doing just fine without me . You 're a very strong woman , just so you know , " he said , smiling and wiping her tears from her eyes softly .

I am a single mother , Jack of all trades , Stage IV cancer survivor , inventor , chef , and natural health advocate . I write about my life , openly and honestly . Join me . . . This man opened his car door and threw up in the carpool line today . Moments later , we smelled the contents of his stomach wafting through our open windows . Posted by This post is about things that I have seen that just don 't seem right . These are my own photos . How often do you see this when you 're driving down the road ? ? As I was driving home this morning , after dropping Natalie off at school , I got lost in thought . Who was I before children , before I was a mother ? The truth is , I don 't really know . I remember having a great job as a Marketing Director for an assisted living community . I remember how much I loved dressing up for work every day and feeling important . I had a closet full of at least fifty business suits from expensive stores . I had dozens of high heels that I wore 18 hours a day without a complaint . I remember being good at my job , and with people , and with money . I remember going out and listening to live music or dancing in clubs . I remember trying new restaurants and going to see movies . I remember staying out late , sometimes till dawn , just having fun with my friends . Ah , I remember spending time with my friends . . . But I don 't really know WHO I was or where I was headed . I have had a million jobs . I have lived a million places . I 've been married twice . Was I ever happy ? Yes , of couse . But I was also happy in change . I 'm constantly changing , as I 'm sure everyone does as well . I think what makes me different than other people is that I don 't live in my discontent of a situation , I make change happen . I don 't want to waste a minute of my life in the wrong situation . Being a mother now , there really isn 't a whole lot of option for change . I know I was meant to do this , and I know a million mothers have said the same thing , but there are times that I want to do something else , something important , something life - changing . I love my children and would never want to change the fact that I am their mother . But I want to be good at something . I take that back , I want be GREAT at something . I want my brain to work like it used to . I don 't want to stare at plans to make a simple birdhouse at Home Depot and think " I can 't figure this out , it makes my brain hurt " . I used to run an assisted living , damn it , why can 't I make a birdhouse ? I want to dress up again . I stood in my closet this morning and held up dresses that I want to wear one day . I tried on high heels that I want to wear . But I have no where to go today , except to take Eliah to Occupational Therapy . So , I put on the same old jeans and t - shirt I wear every day . I want to go places and do things . Having a child that is in a wheelchair and gets overwhelmed easily , makes going anywhere a challenge . Eliah sleeps until noon , then eats lunch . By the time he is done , it 's time to pick up Natalie from school . By the time I pick her up , it 's time for the home health aide to arrive . By the time we get settled , it 's time to make dinner . . . . then homework . . . . then baths . . . . then bed . And then it starts over . I want to talk to adults again , and be able to maintain a conversation about things other than what brand of diapers I use or how long it takes Natalie to do her homework . I want to discuss music and movies and literature ( although reading just makes my brain hurt ) . I want to try new restaurants and local hot spots . Although , I can honestly say I don 't want to stay up all night . I 'm over that part . I want my body back . Motherhood is not kind to the female figure . I know I 'm too old for mini - skirts and leather pants , but I want to be able to wear a bikini again . I want to wear form fitting dresses again . I want to be able to see all my body parts when I look down . Is this what a mid - life crisis is ? Is it a matter of trying to define who I am now ? Is it figuring out how to combine the old me with the person I 've become ? My guess is yes . I will say this , I am happy as a mother and I am comfortable in the life I have . I think I 've changed my perception of my ideal life to include a special needs child . I still feel important . Is it changing the world ? No , not really . Is a mid - life crisis about changing the life you have ? Or is it coming to a place of understanding and comfort with what you already have ? I have no clue . But I do know there is always room to make my life better . Maybe tomorrow I will dress up . Posted by Handicapped Placard for the wheelchair van . There 's a ramp that comes out of the side of the van , so that I can roll Eliah 's wheelchair down . It 's awesome . The only problem is , it requires a LOT of room . . . . which brings me to this post . I don 't know if it 's true or not , but it seems that many people that have a handicapped placard think that all handicapped spaces are for them . It seems that if they have the placard , they are required to park in a handicapped space , even if there are regular spaces free nearby . It seems that people with a placard think the extra space in a handicapped space is for their bad parking skills . And while some of this may be technically true , it 's really not polite at all . Every day I search for a handicapped space to park the wheelchair van . No ordinary space will do . It has to be large enough for the ramp and wheelchair to come out on the side . Basically , it requires the space of two vehicles . And every day I see compact cars in van accessible spaces , with several vacant regular - sized handicapped spaces right next to it . Every day I see cars parked in the ramp space , not the actual parking space . It 's so frustrating . It also seems , at least where I live , that everyone and his brother has a handicapped placard . I 'm not saying they don 't deserve it , but it seems excessive when I pull into a Walmart parking lot and all 20 of the handicapped spaces are filled , and I see people , that walk without difficulty , jump into those cars . There are even people that park in someone elses ramp space , as if it were an actual handicapped space . I 've even been unable to get the ramp out , because someone used my ramp space as their handicapped parking space . Yesterday we went to Walmart , and like other times , every handicapped space was taken . So , we drove around looking for two empty spaces together . When I finally found them , a good distance from the door , we parked and quickly got Eliah out of the van , through the rain , and into the store . By the time we got back to the van , I was greeted with dirty looks from several people for taking up two spaces . I even had cars honking at me , because they needed to park and I was hogging two perfectly good spaces . In the past , I 've even gotten a note on the windshield calling me a jerk for taking up two spaces . So , I am letting all of you with handicapped placards know , that just because you have the placard , it doesn 't mean you HAVE to park in a handicapped space . Please TRY to look nearby , or at least save the van accessible spaces , because there may be someone that really needs that extra space . And if you need to park in a handicapped space , please try to stay in the lines . In honor of the wild animal that lives under my bedroom , I shall post about my old , dear friend , Trimble . He was a squirrel that used to visit me every day in my old house . I used to post about him on Facebook two years ago . Here is the story , with pictures , about Trimble . From 2009 : This squirrel stalks me daily , regardless of how much I try to scare him with my hip hop moves in the kitchen . Maybe I 'm better at the Running Man than I thought . His name is Trimble . He sits in the corner and eats the trim off the side of the window . I don 't know if that 's an attempt to eat his way into the house , but he is not phased by ANYTHING . He is still sitting there now , even after I ran the garbage disposal six inches away from him . The funny part is , he sits up and looks in , then when I look over at him , he sits back down and pretends like he 's doing something . I 'm waiting to hear him whistling when I look over . He always find me , wherever I am in the house . ( Pay no attention to that dirt . I 'm a much better housekeeper now . Plus , I blame dogs for that ) Eliah had to get in the action too . They were both so curious about each other . I think he wanted a kiss . Trimble is the sweetest little squirrel . And then one day , I opened the door to find this . . . . . . . . . Every day I wait in a long carpool line to pick Natalie up from school . I usually sit there for about 15 minutes before the line begins to move . I get bored . . . . really bored . I don 't have a cool phone to make posts on Facebook , and I don 't bring a book , because Eliah would never let me read . So , we sit and listen to the same cd over and over again . When the weather is nice , I open up the moon roof and both sliding doors on the mini - van , so Eliah gets a great cross breeze as he sits in his wheelchair . Parents in the other carpool lanes like to see Eliah 's big smile as they drive past . Each day , in my boredom , I discover new things . There 's always a woman that gets out of her car to talk to other mothers . There 's always a woman that jumps out of her van to open her back door to yell at her other children . There 's always someone that gets caught up texting or reading and holds up the line because they aren 't paying attention . Today was special though . There is a woman that is responsible for calling out the numbers off everyone 's cars . This way , they can have your child ready and waiting when you pull up . I arrived a few minutes early , so that I could be closer to the front of the line . And this woman was walking down the line , writing down the numbers on the cars . She had a large mircophone tucked into the top of her pants . When she passed me , I laughed and yelled out , " Hey . . . Is that a microphone in your pocket , or are you just happy to see me ? " . Man , I crack myself up . What I didn 't expect was her response . She started to strut , then grabbed the microphone inappropriately and started saying , " Yeah . . . . . baby " . She was REALLY into it . Hahahaha . Well , that 's just wrong . . . I think it wouldn 't have shocked me if I had actually known her , or ever spoken a single word , or if Eliah wasn 't staring out of the open van door at her . The funny part was that as she was doing her " show " , Eliah pressed his " Pick up Lines " button on his wheelchair , and the recording said , " Have you been arrested before ? Because I believe it 's a felony to look THAT good ! " . How appropriate . Anyway , I guess I need to be prepared for the response I 'm going to get when I start a conversation with " Is that a ____ in your pocket ? " Lesson learned . Posted by When I became single and moved to my apartment last year , I discovered the wonderful world of Living Social Deals . For those that don 't know , Living Social , like Groupon , provides major discounts on food , adventures , vacations , clothing , jewelry , beauty treatments and so on . Immediately , I was sucked into these fantastic deals . I bought my skydiving ticket for half price . I bought my ziplining tickets for half price . I bought bowling tickets , which have now expired , because what was I thinking ? And when I saw a One Hour Deep Tissue Massage for $ 30 , I jumped on it and bought three vouchers . So that I wasn 't selfish , I decided to share my vouchers with my friends . We could have a girls ' day out , enjoying shopping , massages and margaritas together . I called and scheduled our massages right away . When I called , I found out the " spa " was on the other side of town ( not in the best neighborhood ) , but shrugged it off . Hey , it was only $ 30 , what am I complaining about ? The day of our massages arrived , and my friend Heidi was unable to make it into town due to inclement weather , so it was just me and Brenda . I picked her up and we drove over together . We were thrilled about spending an entire hour relaxing . As we followed our printed directions , we turned into a small , old corporate park . I saw a sign for a spa and we pulled in . When we walked in the door , we were in a small hallway with stairs in front of us and a door to the side . Brenda says , " Oh God , what is that smell ? It stinks in here ! " . The door was filthy and said , " Please knock " . We looked at each other in horror and I knocked . A small Asian woman answer the door and said , " Can I help you ? " . I enthusiastically said , " Yes , we 're here for our massages ! " . She gave me a very bizarre look and said , " You have wrong place " . We breathed a very heavy sigh of relief and got back in the car to look for the REAL massage place . We drove to the back of the parking lot , around the back of a building , and THERE it was . Whew , finally . We went inside relieved to see a fairly clean and not so smelly hallway . We entered the office and there was a very large man sitting behind a desk . He was approximately 60 years old , 300 pounds , covered in tattoos up and down both arms , and reeked of cigarette smoke . He greeted us and explained that all of his six children work for him and do the massages . I dare not look at Brenda at this point . If I did , I think she would have just gotten back in the car . Lucky for her though , I had indicated that she required a woman to do her massage . A nice 28yr old girl popped in from the hallway and greeted Brenda with a big smile . They walked toward a small , dimly lit room with a table . I said , " Have fun ! Relax ! " Personally , I had visions of a tall , strong , handsome man named Sven giving my massage , so I had indicated ( beforehand ) that I was just fine with a man doing my massage . So , as this man is setting up the paperwork , he looked me up and down and said , " Oh , I will do you " . I think I may have gotten a little sick to my stomach here . I filled out my paperwork , explaining that my trouble area is my upper back and neck . You know , I carry Eliah around all day . So , we walked back to a large room with a warm table and serene music playing . He left me alone to get undressed and lay on the table ( face up he told me ) . I had no idea what I was in for . The man entered the room and uttered a little small talk . Then he began the " rub down " . He explained that he doesn 't really do " deep tissue " , he likes to be gentle . But all his friends told him he gives a great massage ! Didn 't I buy a Deep Tissue massage voucher ? ? As he started rubbing my neck from underneath , he was explaining to me that some women prefer he do a " preventative breast massage " as part of the session . I said , " Oh no thank you " in my most polite and uncomfortable way . Then , as he worked on one of my arms , he pulled it high above my head so the sheet was dangerously close to breaking loose the contents underneath . I didn 't worry though , since I had another free hand to pull the sheet up higher , much to his dismay . I tried to relax and listen to the music . But every couple minutes I heard a loud cough and he would hack up some mucous , no doubt from the years of smoking . The unfortunate part was that the one time I opened my eyes , I discovered that he was using his hand to cover his mouth when he coughed . . . . then put his hand right on me . When I turned over on my stomach is when it got really . . . questionable . He started at my feet . After 10 minutes on one foot , I started to wonder what was going on back there . After another 5 minutes with just one hand barely rubbing that same foot , I started to wonder what he was " really " doing back there . Was he texting ? Was he doing other things ? ? I 'm not even sure I want to know . It was so absurd that I actually started laughing to myself . I tried to control it so that I wasn 't violently shaking . I didn 't want him to think I was really enjoying that one - handed foot rub . As he worked his way up , he was sure to offer the glute rub as a bonus option . Again , I turned down the offer . By the time he got to my back , he was only able to put in about five minutes of lightly shifting the hair pattern on my back and the time was up . He then left the room and I got dressed . I wasn 't sure if I was supposed to feel relaxed , violated or cheated . It was NOT a happy ending . But I walked out of the room to discover that Brenda had a wonderful time and felt renewed , refreshed and relaxed . At least one of us had a good time . Needless to say , I never used that third voucher , and I don 't ever buy the massage packages on Living Social anymore . Life is like a Living Social massage , you never know what you 're gonna get . Posted by What are the odds of yelling out a mental illness in public and someone nearby actually having it ? Apparently , a lot better than one might think . I may or may not have learned my lesson though . Brenda and I went on our weekly dinner outing on Thursday night , but instead of being spoiled with great service and exceptional food by our normal mexican restaurant , we decided to go downtown . I figured I had more of a chance of running into other single people if I 'm not hiding in a booth cramming my food hole with endless amounts of chips . I thought I would do that right in the middle of town . After dinner , we decided to walk , and maybe we would stop in a popular bar for a drink . We sat on a bench in front of the bar for about half an hour . I say we were people watching , Brenda says we were too chicken to just go in . I was scoping the place out , she was bored . In her boredom , she looked at me and said , " I have Narcolepsy " . So I laughed and said , " Fine , we 'll go in " . And we went into the bar and had a drink . Well , I had a drink , Brenda drank water . We are total party animals . . . . so much so , that we were there for about 12 whole minutes . On our way back to the car , we stopped in the drug store . And as Brenda took forever to choose a pack of gum , I shouted out , " COME ON ! I ' M GETTING NARCOLEPSY ! " I laughed and turned to the cashier , who was staring back at me with a shocked look on her face . She said , " I actually have Narcolepsy " . Was she serious ? YEP . She went into a whole description of how and when she was diagnosed . Then we looked at each other and laughed and laughed until there were tears in our eyes . Luckily , she was not offended and was quite amused by it all . We even talked about the movie Deuce Bigalo , which had a funny character with the disorder . What lesson did I learn ? Don 't repeat things Brenda says . This happened once before , years ago , with my friend Amanda . Whenever she would walk away from me , she would smack her own butt ( as if in defiance to whatever I had just said ) . Then we would laugh . Well , I used to think it was hilarious , so one day I did it to someone . . . . I was at the batting cages waiting for a cage to open up . Another woman ( with a few others ) walked up and took a cage I had been waiting for . I spoke up . She spoke louder , with backup . So , I backed down . And as I walked away , I smacked my own butt , just as Amanda had taught me . Apparently , that is the signal to come beat my ass . This woman , and her group of friends , were so offended that they threw down their helmets and ran full speed in my direction . Holy crap , I 'm about to be pummeled in a public place ! I ran as fast as my legs could go . Luckily , I had a head start of about 30 yards , so I was able to make it to the car in time . What did I learn ? Don 't do things Amanda does . . . . . . or maybe I just need to learn discretion . . . . . . I have become somewhat self - reflective and analytical like Carrie Bradshaw of Sex in the City ( that means I have too much time on my hands ) . I will admit that I am naive , gullible , and sometimes way too nice . What I get in return ( more often than not ) is people that take advantage of my good nature . Am I an angel ? HELL no . But I 'm not the devil either . I try to always do the right thing . ( small rant ) There are times that I want to scream out the injustices of the world . There are times that I want to expose people for what they really are , not what they show on the outside . There are times that I want explain why I do things the way I do . But I don 't . Why , you ask ? Because it doesn 't change anything , it 's not nice to talk about other people , and sometimes people really don 't care to hear it . So I continue on my way , believing that " Do good things , good will come to you " . ( rant over ) So that brings me to Saturday afternoon . I pull back my shower curtain to clean , and as I reach into the drain to pull out the hair cork , a bug jumps into the air and almost hits my face . I may have screamed , I don 't remember . But I look down , and it 's this big bug , half stink bug half spider . It was a mutant . And being that I have a son that is " different " , I felt sorry for this bug . I spoke to it ( in my head ) , " Ok , you can hang out " , then left the bathroom with my new little mutant friend still enjoying my new shower , and me feeling proud of myself for being so kind to God 's little creature . Then came Sunday morning . No bug in the shower . Where did he go ? I searched and searched , finally discovering him in my bedroom , watching me from the wall above the window curtains . And I spoke to him again , " Okay , you can hang out , but don 't be jumping on me " . I left once again , leaving my friend to play in my room . Monday evening came around , and I told Natalie ( the bug queen ) of my new mutant friend . We searched everywhere , but could not find him . Natalie thought she found him , but it turned out to be a dead spider ( I 've really got to clean better ) . So , no sign of him Monday night . I figured he crawled back outside the way he came in . What a nice visit . Then came Tuesday night , last night . . . . . ( insert dramatic music ) . . . . . I tucked the kids in bed , turned out the lights , and went to my bedroom . I started to pull the decorative pillows off my bed , and low and behold , that bug was under the pillow , right on my sheet . And I spoke to him , " Oh no you didn 't ! " . He immediately did the guilty dog pose . He KNEW he had gone too far . I went and got toilet paper and was talking to myself the whole time , " Why does everyone have to take everything too far ? Why is everyone so selfish ? Why wasn 't what I offered enough ? " . When I got back , he was still there giving me his best guilty look , and pleading with me to let him stay . But I held my breath , scooped him up with the paper , and flushed him . In addition to this mutant friend , my shadow stalker from the previous post was not necessarily a cat . I 'm not really sure what it is , but it lives under my bedroom . It 's large . It goes to bed around 11pm and wakes in the morning around 6am . I would like to know what is making such a racket under there , but I would probably just let it stay . I even tip toe when I have to get up in the middle of the night , so I do not disturb it . Seriously , what is wrong with me ? This morning , in dealing with my anger , confusion and guilt over the wild kingdom in my bedroom , I couldn 't help but wonder . . . . Is being nice out of style ? Do I have to be ruthless to have life go my way ? Is there a class on this , because I have no idea how to do it . Posted by Well , I fell a long way and I landed on my feet ( so far ) . I am now a proud homeowner of an AWESOME house that happens to be handicapped accessible in very subtle ways . It 's been a very long journey with many ups and downs . The air conditioner caused a massive leak in the attic , and the laundry room flooded with approximately 600 gallons of water , all before I completely moved in . But . . . . I have recovered , both mentally and mostly with the repairs . I have spent the last week moving tote after tote after tote . If I never see another 18 gallon tote , I will be happy . My friends came to my aide and saved me having to move entirely by myself . I even had a friend drive 11 hours just to help . For all of that , I am so thankful . I still can barely move . . . even typing hurts . And how on earth did I get a bruise in between my toes ? ? ( damn toes ) Anyone that knows me , knows that within 24 hours I had the entire place unpacked and decorated . I feel at home . I feel happy . I still waiver between feeling like I 'm over my head , with feeling proud of myself . But I am here . And after buying and changing my first toilet seat , then crawling in the attic to dig in a condensate drip pan , I feel like roaring and drinking a beer . ( yeah , I don 't know what that means ) Just wait till my friend Brenda and I do lawn care ! Last night was the first night that I did not collapse into bed from exhaustion . Because of that , my ears perked up when I heard noises right outside the house . I sprung out of bed , grabbed my knife and phone , and snuck through the house ( yeah , I 'm a total badass . lol ) . As I tip - toed through the living room , I saw a figure in the window in front of me . He was a scary , hunched - over man walking past my front window . I was ready to cut him . What I didn 't realize at the time was that the garage light goes directly through my house from back to front , and the figure I saw was merely my own shadow on the curtain . Luckily , I didn 't start swinging or I could have gotten hurt . I found out today that the noise was a neighborhood cat making himself at home on my porch . Also , I am now working on standing up straighter . Tonight is the first night with the kids in the house . I hope I have made it feel like home for them so they sleep well . At least I know I will cut somebody to protect them ! : ) For the first time ever , I had a dream that I was falling . It was night , and I was driving my van with Eliah in the back . I was downtown ( not where I live ) , but somewhere I 'd never been , that had the very high ramps to get on and off the interstate . It was dark and I was lost . I chose one of the ramps and started driving up . It went higher than all the other ramps , then suddenly I could see that the ramp had a sharp turn ahead , almost a u - turn . I slowed down as much as I could , and I eased around the corner . But it didn 't matter , the wheels glided over the edge and I could see the front of the van with nothing underneath . The van started to fall over the edge , and I remember saying to myself , " There is nothing I can do now " . As it started to fall straight down in slow motion , I resolved to the fact that this was the end . I thanked God for the wonderful life I have had and asked forgiveness for all the things I had done wrong . It felt like I fell for at least a mile . Because the van was straight up and down , I could not see where I was going or what was at the bottom . I assumed it was concrete . All I could see was straight ahead of me , It was scary , but I had made my peace . I was just waiting for that moment of impact . I kept thinking , " I wonder what it will feel like . I wonder if I will feel pain or just die instantly " Right before impact , the van turned upside down , and I could see that there was dark water beneath me . Then I hit it with great force . The van sunk under the water , and I looked around in the darkness . I remember thinking , " I 'm not dead . Why am I not dead ? Why am I not even hurt ? " . This part is silly , but I remembered an episode of Mythbusters about not panicking when you are in a car underwater , and I followed the rules as best I could to get out . I swam to shore , but I don 't remember getting Eliah out . He was on shore with me though when the medics were all around . He didn 't look to be hurt or bruised , but he was never conscious . I just kept saying , " He has Hemophilia , I have to give him his shot or he 'll die . " Then someone gave me some half - assed supplies , and I ended up breaking off the needle in Eliah 's port and not being able to finish . I felt like I was panicking and doing everything I could possibly do , as fast as possible , but still failing . That was it . I didn 't wake up , but the dream ended there . I know it was a metaphor for what 's going on in my life right now . I 'm looking forward to going back to the flying dreams . : ) . . . . and that 's what I 'm doing . I find it interesting that over the course of the past four years . . . . not so coincidentally as long as my son has been around . . . . I have been on a roller coaster of emotions so extreme that something like skydiving could not compare . If you follow my son 's blog , eliahjames . blogspot . com , you know that he has come close to death several times over the past four years of his life . I can now say , with complete certainty , skydiving is easier than being a parent to Eliah ; and not just a little easier , a LOT easier . I have always wanted to go skydiving . In fact , I wanted to be an aerial artist and do the formations for shows . When I was 18 , I decided to do it . My parents told me I could not go , but I was determined to do it anyway . My friend , Emily and I , went to the skydive center , she as my photographer . I paid the $ 180 and did all my training for a tandem jump at 10 , 000ft . But the wind was against me that day , and just as we were about to head up in the plane , they canceled and sent me home . I never had a chance to go back after that , but I always dreamed of one day flying through the clouds with a parachute on my back . Since Christmas , I have hiked the mountains in North Carolina ( in small amounts , since I 'm completely out of shape . hehehe ) , zip - lined in the tree tops of Seneca National Forest , and this past weekend , I finally got my chance to skydive . I fully expected to be afraid , nervous , sick to my stomach , and possibly even back out . When we saw the first jumpers gliding to the ground with their parachutes , I felt excitement . When I watched the video explaining that I may die while jumping , I only felt anticipation . When I was in the plane , looking at the ground getting further and further away , I only felt happiness . And when I was leaning out of the open door of the plane , 14 , 000ft above the Earth , I only felt peace . Some people say that skydiving is a life - changing experience , and I can understand that completely . It was completely AMAZING to glide to Earth with a parachute , to see the world with an airplane view and be able to reach out and touch the clouds . But where was the RUSH these adrenaline junkies crave ? I expected to be a changed person . I expected . . . . . more . I thought my Thrill - o - meter was busted . Was it ? ? I thought and thought , then it hit me , I 've had the big adrenaline rush a hundred times . . . with Eliah . Nothing will get your heart racing faster than your child turning blue . Nothing will make you as sick to your stomach as seeing your child lying in a hospital with someone pumping air into their lungs . I 've held my breath , my legs have shaken , and I 've been physically weak from nerves over Eliah . He has trained me to handle stress . I could skydive with ease because he conditioned me . I could sit back and enjoy the moment without fear because I have dealt with SO much more . There is something so freeing with that feeling . I know I can stand in front of a crowd and sing at the top of my lungs . I know I can bungee jump from a helicopter . I know I can do ANYTHING . The world is a new place . . . . . I guess it WAS a life - changing experience . Here 's the video to my skydive - http : / / www . lifepursuitvideo . com / asppublic / Video29706 . aspx ? CLIENT = 29706 & VF = AnnPeart _ 052811 - 2220 . flv When I was about three years old , my family took me to a huge church Easter egg hunt . You know the kind . . . all the kids line up in front of what seems like an enormous field filled with colored eggs at every bush , tree and oddly shaped blade of grass . I was so proud to participate in my first big event . There was a large crowd of children waiting for the hunt to begin . You could feel the excitement in the air . An adult told all the children to line up on the sidewalk , and then sit down facing the field of eggs . Everyone was already looking for eggs from their seated positions . As I sat down , my sister noticed that I missed a step in getting dressed in my Easter best . I was not wearing any underwear beneath my frilly white dress . My sister , in her oh so helpful way , immediately brought it to my parents ' attention . They scooped me up out of the line and said , " We 'll just run home and put some underwear on . We 'll be right back . You won 't miss a thing " . But I did . By the time we got back , the children had emptied the field of all it 's eggy goodness , and I was left standing there with a covered bottom and an empty basket . It was pitiful . Each year following , everyone made sure I was wearing underwear before the Easter egg hunt . Posted by As a child , I learned the phrase , " I didn 't do it " , as all children do . I used it often . However , most of the time , I was telling the truth . There were also times that I used it when I was , in fact , the one that did it . Yes , I ate the last banana and hid the peel behind the couch . Yes , I ate an entire pound of grapes . Yes , I MAY have played with hair spray and a lighter in my brother 's room . But they all soon learned how to read me . . . When I was about 13 years old , my brother had a part time job at the People 's Drug store . Or was it Peebles ? Regardless , he worked there after school and on weekends . Occasionally , he would bring home things that the store did not want or could not sell , like expired food or overstock . In the several months following Halloween that year , he brought home approximately 100 + bags of Halloween candy . The store had obviously over estimated their buyers purchasing power that year . So all these wonderful bags of snack - sized candy bars made their way to my brothers room , where they sat on display across a long shelf . The temptation was too great . I took a bag of Reese 's peanut butter cups for myself . Oh , how good those forbidden treats tasted . To top it off , my brother never noticed or suspected the loss . Maybe I could take one more . . . or two . . . Over the course of the next month , I took almost 30 + bags of candy off my brother 's shelf . He went about his teenage life , never noticing that his stash was now reduced by a third . I hid the bags in the top of my closet , where I needed a chair to reach , and nobody would ever think to look there . I didn 't even know what to do with all of them . I couldn 't eat that much . And then , I had another one of my brilliant ideas . I would sell the candy to my friends . I was born to be a salesperson . I took several different candy bars to school each day in my backpack . I ate them in front of my friends , taunting them by opening one and taking a bite . " Oh my gosh , these are SOoo good . . . " . And then the orders started pouring in . I sold the candy bars for 25 cents a piece . For about a month , I was known as the " go to " girl for candy during the day , and I was raking in the dough . And then my big mouth got me in trouble . I MAY have told one or two people where I got the candy . And as I became smug in my selling abilities and hoards of money coming in , others became resentful of my success . As I and my friends walked home from the bus stop , one of them shouted to my brother , who was standing in the front yard , " Ann 's been stealing your candy and selling it at school ! ! " Busted . That evening , my family ( all of them ) , sat in front of me and plainly asked , " Did you take Glen 's candy ? " . And I replied , " I did not do it . " They repeated , " Ann , did you take Glen 's candy ? " , when they clearly knew the answer . But I stuck to my guns , " I did NOT do it " " . Although , once they had the candy in their possession , obtained from the top of my closet , I could not refute any longer . My lie was out in the open , and was just as bad as the crime itself . From that point on though , unbeknownst to me , everyone knew the telltale sign of my lies . . . I did not use a contraction . They figured me out . If I said , " I did NOT do it " , they knew I lied . Still , to this day , my family mocks and laughs at me about what a bad liar I am . I don 't even realize I do it . I am the youngest of three . My brother is older by five years , and my sister by two and a half years . And when we were kids , we were out of control . We were " those " kids that you see running around stores and restaurants , wildly screaming and climbing on furniture . My parents often hired babysitters to escape us , even if just for a few hours . However , we rarely had the same babysitter twice . We never went to bed , or stayed in bed once there . We even tied up a babysitter for our parents to find when they came home . Ah . . . . good times . . . . When my brother was old enough to supervise us , my parents would leave , only saying , " You kids be good ! We 'll be home in a couple hours . . . . " But the couple hours didn 't come . They would call SEVERAL hours later and say , " Oh , we 're in another state . We 'll be home in a couple days . " And we were left to fend for ourselves with TV dinners and endless hours of public television ( we didn 't have cable ) . But we survived , unscathed . As I got older and more mature ( age 12 ) , I felt confident in my abilities to govern those younger than I . So I began taking babysitting jobs . Most were easy . All I had to do was sit for an hour or two and watch MTV while the kids had afternoon snacks . Then , I starting getting more serious jobs . . . . babies . Who in there right mind would let a 12 - 15 year old watch their baby ? ! Or more importantly , Who in the right mind would let ME watch their baby ? ! And I will be honest , I admit that I was not always the best babysitter . As I sit and think about those days , I recall some very disturbing moments in my babysitting history . I remember trying to test breastfeeding on an infant , who was not at all interested in my mosquito bites . And I recall another instance with a different baby that happened to wander out of eye sight and subsequently fell down a small flight of stairs . Luckily , he was not injured . ( I did tell the parents ) And then , there was the time that I THOUGHT I was an awesome babysitter . I had two older boys to watch , and we all had a brilliant plan to ride their mattress down the stairs like a sled . It was a blast . No one was injured , but the parents were none too pleased to come home as their six year old is barreling down the stairs on a Serta Sled . As you can imagine , I was not asked to babysit again . Luckily , as I grew old enough to work legitimately , I was able to work with kids in a structured environment . However , that didn 't seem to stop the antics . When I worked for the summer camp with the local YMCA , watching 24 five and six year olds , I used to get in trouble for napping when the kids did . Parents would sometimes have to wake me to pick their children up . When I ran the Saturday Morning Fun Club at the local YMCA , I got in trouble for taping a kid to the wall . Now don 't get all upset , it was a few single pieces of scotch tape , and the boy was all for it . But his parents were not nearly as amused . Nowadays though , I would probably be berated on national tv showing that my youtube videos of the incidents went viral . Anyway , the point was , I sucked as a babysitter . I was a wild kid , that grew into a semi - wild teenager ( only wild with fun , I never did drugs ) , and then a more subdued wild adult . And yes , I still do crazy stuff with my own children , and I MAY have broken that younger one , but overall , I 'm a great mom . Luckily , I can 't get fired from this job ! Hair Growth Progression after Chemo - Six Months with UPDATE ! It 's hard to believe that it 's been six months since my last chemotherapy . I DO NOT MISS IT ! And one of the things I 've been . . . You will not want to see the photos near the end if you are at all squeamish . The journey isn 't glamorous ! When I did the DIEP Fla . . . I 've had several people ask me how my cancer was found . So I thought I would write it out for everyone all at once . Who knows , it may . . .

Summer time is the worst for me . I like the cold of winter . I like sitting on the couch with a blanket wrapped around me and a warm cup of hot chocolate in my hands . I love the smell of snow . I love the way it covers the world and makes it feel like a completely different place . I love the way it feels when the soft flakes land and melt on my face . I like to hear the crunch of hard packed snow under my feet . So as I sat on the sofa with the windows open and multiple fans strategically placed throughout the house blowing as hard as their hardware would allow , I tried to think of that beautiful time of year . A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts . I stood and put on shorts and a tank top before answering . " Look what I have ! " My over - zealous friend Katie said , displaying the wooden board dramatically in front of her . I turned and sat back down on the sofa . She shut the door behind her and sat on the floor in front of me . " Come on . It 'll be fun ! I found it at a yard sale . They only wanted a quarter for it ! Can you believe that ? It 's in such good condition . It 's practically brand new ! " I slowly rolled off the couch and onto the floor across from her . I had never used an Ouija board before and honestly didn 't know much about them except that they were used to speak to spirits . " Because my mom would never let me have one as a kid . She called them ' the devil 's tool " and wouldn 't allow one in her house . " " And if I say the same thing ? " " Why are you acting so blah ? " She asked with slumped shoulders . She really was the yin to my yang ; always bubbly , never a care in the world , excited about everything . " Summer just started , I haven 't had a chance to lay out yet . Now are we going to do this or what ? " I shrugged again . " Sure . " She clapped with excitement and set the board down with its planchette on top . She put her fingers on top on used her head to motion for me to do the same . I complied . " Why don 't we start with the basics ? Is there a spirit in this room ? " We sat quietly ; our fingers resting gently on the heart shaped piece of wood . " Please , if there is anyone here , let us know . " Katie was looking up into the air , waiting expectantly . The planchette did not move . " Your apartment is old . There has to be something living here . " " I think if a spirit were around , it wouldn 't care what time of day it is or what lights are on . " She shrugged . It was like all the energy had been sapped from her . I reached over the arm of the couch and into a book caddy . I handed her a book . " How to enjoy the here and now : a guide to self - love and acceptance of the present . " She looked over at me incredulously after reading the title aloud . " You know , because you 're searching for what 's in the past . " I laughed when she threw the book back at me . " I thoroughly enjoy the present ! " She grabbed the remote from the side table . " Although I may change my mind if I keep hanging out with you . " She turned the TV on and found a show for us to watch . While the people talked and the " studio audience " laughed at just the right moments ( and Katie along with them ) , I grabbed my phone and did some research on this Ouija board . " No it won 't . " Tears were streaming down Luciana 's face . " I was just fired for being late too often . My boyfriend is the reason I was late and now he 's left me , rent is due in two weeks , I have barely enough money for food , let alone gas to drive around trying to find a job . " I felt bad for her , but she had honestly put herself in this situation . " I told you ! " She said blowing her nose . " He wouldn 't let me get into the bathroom while he was getting ready so I 'd have to wait until he got done and by then I 'd be running behind . " She could have just woken up earlier , but I didn 't think saying that would help matters right now . I was about to console her again when the car jerked to the side and a thumping noise sounded from toward the back . Lucy slowed the car down and pulled off to the side . " Great now I have a flat . " She dropped her head against the steering wheel as her shoulders slumped forward . She was making it seem like this was the end of the world . " Do you have a spare ? " Her ponytail bobbed as she shrugged , then nodded . I got out of the car and looked around . There were cornfields on both sides of the road for as far as I could see . This actually was a bad time to get a flat tire . We hadn 't seen a car in a solid 20 minutes and I still saw none in sight . I checked my cell and found next to no service . I tried to call my insurance company to see if they could send someone , but the signal was so bad that the agent couldn 't verify who I was or what I needed . I hung up after trying to explain it a fourth time . I looked up and down the road again , still no sign of a car . " Mine fell in the toilet when I went into the bathroom to cry after they fired me and doesn 't work anymore . I haven 't had a chance to buy a new one . " She sighed . " Or the money . " " You didn 't think it might be important to tell me that before the 17 hour trip back home ? " Now I was pissed . Not only was she acting like a dramatic 15 year old instead of the 39 year old that she was , but she was now leaving out vital information . " Why in the hell wouldn 't you mention you don 't have a phone ? I could have bought one of those pay as you go phones to make sure we have a backup . " She scowled at me . " I 'm sorry , I 've just been a bit preoccupied with things I thought were more important than my cell phone . " She rolled the window back up and turned her head . She wasn 't even going to attempt to help me . I walked a bit back the way we had come hoping to get better signal . It got worse , dropping out completely . I walked back toward the car , passed it , and continued walking , hoping I would have better luck in that direction . None . I got back to the car and looked to see if enough time had gone by that another car would be coming . Again , no such luck . I finally realized I was going to have to do something I hadn 't done since I was 16 . It struck me like a smack in the face . That was over 20 years ago . I leaned against the back of the car and tried one more time to get with my insurance company 's roadside assistance . Again I had to hang up because we just couldn 't hear each other clear enough . I put my phone in my pocket , said a little prayer of thanks for sunshine and a cool breeze , then yelled for Lucy to pop the trunk . This is to serve as my formal resignation . I am quitting effective immediately . I will not even try to keep this professional . I am fed up . I 've had enough . You and me work well together , I get that . But you 're not healthy for me . You delay things that need to be done sooner rather than later . You interfere with my daily life and even cause me to be late going into work . You 've turned my house into a mess . Because of you , dishes are piled on the sink . The living room is cluttered with papers , tools , and other things that should have found a home months ago . Because of our work together , I have a box of papers from the last 2 years that have not been sorted and filed properly . Procrastination , we just can 't keep working together . It 's impossible for me to get anything done while we work together . I push things off until I forget about them altogether . I 'm tired of feeling guilty because I have pushed off writing my book . I hate the rush of trying to figure out a good birthday plan for my husband because of our work together . Dollar Message You 're at your favorite department store buying a birthday present for a friend . As the cashier gives you change , you notice a message with specific instructions scribbled on one of the bills . What do the instructions say ? Do you carry them out and , if so , how ? I stood outside the door reading the instructions carefully one more time . They were obviously from someone in this area , but why put these instructions on a dollar bill ? I had just finished shopping and was getting ready to head home , but when the cashier handed me my change , this caught my eye and I was now rethinking my afternoon . The instructions were written in tiny scroll and covered almost the entire bill , front and back . I walked to my car and put my items in the back . I sat in the driver 's seat and stared at the bill . I could go and see what this view was about . Or I could go and get myself murdered . I felt my bodyguard . 380 pressing against my side and decided to take a chance . I didn 't have anything better to do anyway . I parked where I was supposed to park . The lot was empty besides my car . This was not in a well known area of the park . I felt a tingle of doubt creep down my spine . I suspected it received few visitors . Every other parking lot I had passed was full . It was 75 ° and sunny out on a Saturday , for this area it was heaven . This particular lot was about a mile from the main part of the park and even the driveway getting to the lot was longer than the others . I flipped the safety off on my conceal carry weapon and started down the path . It was almost exactly 300 yards to the boulder . I carefully made my way down the hill , slipping a few times , but ultimately making it safely down . There was no path at bottom . It was level ground , but not an actual path . I could hear that the river was close , maybe only 100 feet through the trees in front of me . I started walking in the direction the bill advised . I could hear so many beautiful sounds . There were bird calls I had never heard . Even the sounds the bugs made seemed to add a little sweetness to the chorus . There was a mild breeze that rustled the leaves as fallen branches cracked under my feet . I could see the cave coming up through the mist of water . The rock above jutted out and a stream poured over the edges . I stood in front of the mist for a moment deciding if I should walk through . I had come this far , why not ? I jumped through quickly , managing to stay mostly dry . Now came the really hard decision ; walk into what was surely a trap to rape and kill me or turn back and save myself . Step # 14 kept coming to the front of my mind . Enjoy the view . I was in a park , maybe these caves led to a look out point . I took the cave on the right . I continued through the tunnel of rock and earth . Sometimes it felt like I was walking down , other times up , I wasn 't really sure where I stood in terms of " feet above sea level " . After about 10 minutes of walking , the path began to tighten . My claustrophobia began to kick in as the walls narrowed and I had to turn to walk sideways . Thankfully that only lasted a few minutes before I came out on the other side and into the cavern . I stumbled out of the opening and took a deep breath . When I looked up that breath caught in my throat . On the far side of the cavern was a trickling waterfall that flowed into a pool on the cavern floor . The water was clear and blue . The size of the cavern and the pretty water were not the things that took my breath away . What took my breath away were the intricate paintings that covered the cavern walls in their entirety . It appeared that not an inch of rock had been left unpainted . The scenes depicted , while varied , were each detailed and precise . It could be seen that whoever created them had taken care with each brush stroke . I put the bill back into circulation that day . I wanted so badly to tell my friends , to take them there . I also wanted to respect the artist 's simple wishes though . They wanted people to search for the unknown and find something beautiful and wondrous . I 've been going there at least once a month . I pack a bag of food and sit in the cavern and think or read or write or brainstorm for work . It 's a haven in a crazy world . In the 5 years that I 've been going , I 've only ran into two people , neither of which claimed to be the artist . PHILADELPHIA - Charlie Kelly , 42 , passed away Saturday after huffing what doctors are calling " an impossible amount of glue " and eating more than 10 pounds of spaghetti mixed with cat food . Born on February 9 , 1976 to Bonnie Kelly and Frank Reynolds ( alleged father ) , Charlie lived a fast - paced and sometimes wreckless lifestyle which he loved . Charlie was passionate about his screenplay " The Nightman Cometh " which he wrote and directed despite illiteracy . He was inventive in his cooking style and enjoyed many types of cheeses . He was unashamed of his persistent attempts to date The Waitress even after multiple restraining orders were issued . Although he sold his shares to the other partners , he continued to care for Paddy 's Pub which is expected to close in the next month as their health inspection is nearing . A music prodigy , Charlie could play piano , harmonica , saxophone and bugle . He was also the inventor of Kitten Mittens which we all love and use regularly . Full Disclosure They toured the house with the real estate agent . " We love it , " he said . " Is there anything we should know about the house 's past ? " The agent looked down . They toured the house with the real estate agent . " We love it , " he said . " Is there anything we should know about the house 's past ? " The agent looked down . It was a colonial so the young couple had guessed that there would be something wrong with it . " Well … " The agent hesitated as he looked at the couple who waited expectantly . " Just some mold that was cleaned out . A few of the floors needed redone , that 's all . " He said in a rushed voice and ended with a smile . The couple looked at each other , then back at the agent . " OK , well let 's go look at the damage . " The agent slowly led them toward the basement door . He reiterated all the good qualities of the home as they made their way through the house . The couple was moving across the country and were trying to find a place to raise their soon - to - be family . This home seemed perfect with the three bedrooms upstairs as well as a master bedroom with its own master bath . The ground floor had an open floor plan that made the house feel bigger than it was . It also had a surprising number of large windows that let in the summer sun . " I mean you just can 't beat natural , original , wood floors in this condition . " The agent was saying as he stopped in front of a door . The couple smiled and nodded . The husband reached for the door handle and the agent put out his hand . " Please remember that this is an old house and , like I said , the mold damage was extensive in the basement . They had to gut most of it and what 's left isn 't very pretty . " " Yes , we 'll keep it in mind . " The husband said as he grasped the door handle . When he opened the door , a musky smell floated up from the dark steps . The husband flipped on the light and began to descend the stairs . The wife followed . The agent did not . The wife turned around when she realized he wasn 't coming . " The ceilings are quite low in there and I 'm very claustrophobic . I 'll wait here for you . " The wife eyed him suspiciously , but continued on . The musty smell grew the further down they went . The floors were a mixture of dirt and concrete . The ceilings were so low the couple had to bend forward to walk through . Steel weight - bearing rods stood in strategic places around the open basement . The concrete bricks that had once made up the walls were gone and it was only dirt that could cave in at any minute . The basement looked like it continued past the edge of the house . " Yeah , it looks like someone dug through the wall . " The husband pulled out his phone to use as a flashlight and began walking toward it . The wife pulled out her phone as well , but to Google the house instead . " There 's a hole over here . " The husband said from across the room . " It 's at least eight feet deep . What could they have possibly been doing ? " " Well that 's the obvious guess . " He chuckled . " Maybe there was a sump pump that went bad . Or maybe their septic tank was here before the new regulations would have forced them to put a new one in outside . " " No . They hid dead bodies . " The wife said again . " Police responded to a call on the 100 - block of Havana Avenue today . The complaint was that there was a fowl smell coming from the home of Monica Fuller , 27 . It has since been discovered that the house contains a hidden mass burial site behind the concrete walls of the basement . The smell of rotting bodies began to surface in the heat of summer . The number of bodies and any details related have yet to be released . " The husband began walking toward the wife . " Today police have released more information on the Monica Fuller burial home . Fifteen child and four adult bodies have been uncovered so far as they continue to break down the walls of the home 's basement . The names of the victims have not been released , but Monica Fuller is in police custody . " Back From the Future A knock at the door catches you off guard . Upon answering it , you 're greeted by a man who says he 's from the future - and he can prove it . More important , he says he has information that will save your life . Disclaimer : This may not be one of my best . I 'll be honest that I 'm not a real fan of this prompt and to add to it , I 'm very tired . I 've had an emotionally trying day and am not feeling very creative tonight . Here 's to hoping it turns out better than I expect ! I lurched upright and shook my head , trying to clear the fog of sleep . The knock came again , confirming I wasn 't dreaming . I flipped the cover back and wiped my eyes as a yawn slipped out . I grabbed the shorts next to my bed and pulled them on as another knock pounded in my door . " I 'm coming . I 'm coming . " I said through another yawn . I snatched the robe from the hook on the door and wrapped it around me . I was two feet from the door when the knock came again . I looked through the peephole . " Who is it ? " I didn 't recognize the man . He was tall and soaked in rain water , but had no other defining features . His face was regular , the kind you would see in a supermarket and swear you knew , but that was just because it was covered in common features . " I don 't know an Andre . " I responded now annoyed because he probably just had the wrong apartment . " Not yet , but you will . I 'm from the future and have some information you may find useful . " And now I thought of him as a drunk or maybe he was one of the stoners from down the hall . " Isabelle Hill . " I stopped and turned around . " You grew up in this town . Your mom died two years ago and your father lives eight blocks over , but will move to a neighboring town because he can 't stand living in the house your mom loved . You are dating Josh Macklyn and are thinking about moving in with him , but haven 't told him that yet because you have to decide if that 's the right move for you . " I leaned my head against the door . " How do you know all that ? How do you know about Josh ? " I had been very careful not to mention moving in with him to anyone . I still wasn 't sure I wanted to . " Why should I believe you ? " I watched him go into his pocket and pulled out an envelope . I watched him carefully open it and pull out a photo . He held it in front of the peephole and I studied it as best I could through the fisheye lens . It was Josh and me , but we looked older . My hair was cut in a way I had never cut it before , it was also a different color , but the face was definitely mine . " You gave it to me . You asked me to do this should things go wrong . You seemed to know something was coming . You knew the work I was doing and asked me to stop you . " " Moving in with Josh . " I stood silent for a few seconds , thinking about what he was saying . I looked at the picture again , but his arm must have been tired because he dropped it and moved closer to the door . " Look , can I just come in and talk ? " I stayed quiet thinking . " You said that if you didn 't believe me to say ' Remember to never give up hope " . I don 't know what it means , but you said it would change your mind . " It did change my mind . I swung the door open . " If you are from the future , and that 's a big if , why are you now coming to tell me this stuff ? " He asked if we could sit down . I shrugged and motioned to the couch . " If you died . Josh gets involved in some shady business with some dangerous people . You get pulled into it . You try to leave several times , but he always guilts you into coming back . " He reached back into the envelope and pulled out a few more photos . The woman 's body was twisted and bloody . She had stab wounds on her chest and the side of her neck . She was in what looked like night clothes . Her hands were covered in cuts as if she was trying to defend herself . Her eye was bruised and bulging . " No . I don 't believe you . You need to leave . " I stood and pointed at the door . " You need to leave now . " He nodded and got up without any further argument . As I was closing the door he stopped me . " Just … " He dropped his head and rubbed his forehead . " Just please don 't move in with Josh . That 's all I 'm asking . Don 't move in . " " Thanks for the advice . " I said and pushed the door shut on him . I watched through the peephole as he went down the steps and disappeared . I 'm screaming and and trying to run to the kitchen . He grabs my hair and pulls my head back before shoving it into the nearest wall . I feel a hard impact in between my shoulders blades and think he 's punched me , but then I feel something warm sliding down my back . I make it to the kitchen and just as I 'm reaching for the knife block I feel another blow against my back . He grabs my arm and twists me around . It 's not until I see the glint of steel moving through the air that I realize he 's been stabbing me . I throw my hands in front of me and feel the steel slice through my skin . I keep trying to grab the knife , but he 's too quick . I feel the pressure against my chest and the pain starts to take my breath away . I start feeling weak as he stabs my chest repeatedly . I feel the pressure in my neck and my world fades to black . " Well Vicki , have the lambs stopped screaming ? " I knew those words from somewhere , but where ? The graffiti was the most vulgar thing I 'd ever seen . It covered the side of an orphanage . It was the side that looked out over the small , fenced - in yard next to the building . The building itself was a white block with few windows . There was one door that led into the play yard and one that led into the street . The other two sides were butted against other buildings and even the yard was surrounded by buildings on three sides . How had no one seen the artist and caught him ? Downtown was busy enough during the day , surely there were people walking at night as well . Painted against the white wall was a black and red monstrosity of a woman sprawled out on a bed . Her red underwear were twisted around her ankles . There was blood trailing down her legs from the thick black fuzz of her groin . Her arms were spread to each side and blood flowed from her wrists onto the bed . Her breasts had red slash marks ripping flesh away from itself . There was a thick red gash from one side of her neck to the other with the red flowing down her shoulders and chest . Her head lulled to the side in an unnatural way , neck pulling away from neck at the gash . Her eyes were rolled so far you almost couldn 't see the iris . They cried tears of red . Her hair lay sloppily above her head with flecks of red spattered throughout . The words were written across the top in rough , jagged letters . What was worse then the imagery was that I knew this woman . Vicki worked in the cube next to me . We talked every day and even went to lunch together from time to time . Whoever painted this new her well enough to get every detail right , down to the birthmark on her thigh that she hated . I picked up my phone and dialed her number . It rang . And rang . And rang . Until finally her voice came on asking for a message . " Vicki , it 's Anita . I 'm looking at a really fucked up painting . Call me as soon as you get this . " I hung up and tapped the phone against my leg while looking at the painting . I paused for a moment and then turned to look at each building . I couldn 't see anything that resembled a security camera on a single one of them . I tried Vicki again . Still no answer . That didn 't mean she was dead , it just meant that she was busy . It was still early in the morning , maybe she was sleeping . I couldn 't stand around and do nothing . I knocked on the door of the orphanage . After a few more aggressive knocks a woman in her 60 's answered . " Well when the police arrive you can tell them . " Before I could say anything else she shut the door on me . I tried calling Vicki again and I got her voicemail , again . Where did I know that line from ? I went back to stare at the graffiti . I stared hard at the words . It wasn 't until I saw the butterfly as the dot of the question mark that I knew what it was from . It was the only thing of a different color . It was dark yellow with negative space for the white skull - like design on its back . I shuttered as I realized what movie the line came from and then tried Vicki again . There was nothing in the output tray . I stood in front of the printer with my mouth hanging open and hands on my head . I had sent it to the printer on the other side of the office instead of the one right next to me , but had thought I jumped up fast enough to catch it . I turned my back to the printer and looked at the sea of cubes . My hands dropped limp against my sides . How could I possibly figure out who had it ? Also , why would they take it if they knew it wasn 't theirs ? It would be on top of theirs ​ once they flipped over the stack of things that printed . They could have easily put it back on the printer . My stomach clenched and I felt like I might throw up . Maybe they wouldn 't even know what it meant . No , that 's impossible . It may say " HCG , Total , Quantative " at the top ( which most people wouldn 't understand ) , but it clearly states " pregnancy ( HCG ) interpretation " in the description which then proceeds to detail exactly what the values mean , then confirming that , yes , I am indeed pregnant . It was a one night thing . I hadn 't planned on it . He hadn 't planned on it . We had only known each other since that night and hadn 't seen each other since the following morning . I had talked to him on the phone a couple times but that was it . Everyone here knew I didn 't have a steady boyfriend . Everyone here knew my long - time boyfriend had split several months ago . Now they also would know that I 'm pregnant . " What ? " She asked , but I had already started walking away . I found the nearest bathroom and threw up every drop of my lunch . I heard a tap on the door at one point . " I 'm fine . Leave me alone . " I responded before wretching again . After there was nothing left to throw up I put the seat down and sat pondering what I would do with myself . " Taneka , are you in here ? " I tried to be as quiet as possible . " Taneka , I saw you heading this way earlier . You need to get back on the phones . " My supervisor was not exactly the kindest person in the world . " I 'm going through something right now , Malcolm . Can I get the rest of the day off ? " " No . You 're already on warning number 2 about your schedule . Get back on the phone in 5 minutes or we 'll be having a different sort of conversation . " I heard the door fall shut and groaned . Working in tele - customer service is , by the way , one of the worst jobs ever . You are just a number to the managers , someone to yell at to the customers , and an easily replaceable voice to the company . I cleaned myself up and walked out of the bathroom . Malcolm stood in the middle of the cubes and locked eyes with me immediately . The guy had to have been watching the bathroom door the entire time . He pointed to my desk with a hard straight finger . I rolled my eyes and mouthed " I 'm going . " I sat back down , put my headset on , and let the calls distract me from my current dilemma . I took call after call , not taking any breaks in between . When my shift ended , I transfered my last call to a supervisor ( it was that kind of call ) , and punched out . I stood , stretched , and saw a couple girls talking by the door of the cafeteria . They saw me and one covered her mouth as she spoke in the ear of the other . The other laughed and then said something back in the same manner . I didn 't even know their names , how would they know me ? I picked up my stuff and headed toward them . They quickly dispersed . I walked into the cafeteria and went straight to the bulletin board . Another note about working in a customer service call center , it 's like being in highschool . Everyone is immature and rude . I found my test results pinned to the board with a photo of a pregnant woman with my face photoshopped onto it . Why would someone even take the time to do that ? How did they even get my picture ? I took it down and carefully peeled the tape , removing the photoshopped image from the test results . The only reason I printed it was to show the one night stand guy proof that I wasn 't lying . I should have just said screw it and not tried to tell him anything . But I had wanted my kid to grow up with a dad since mine died while my mom was pregnant and had never remarried . No , it was better for a child to have a father . " Well they did , so it is what it is . " I sat down next to him . We weren 't exactly friends , but we did talk every now and then . " Have you heard what anyone is saying about it ? " " Duh ! I was drunk , he was drunk . I meant why does this whole building have to know ? Why does it feel like I 'm still in highschool ? How does everyone find out about my personal life so easily ? " I sat up a little straighter . " The guy doesn 't even want it . I printed this as proof because he claims that I 'm not really pregnant and that , if I am , it 's not his . " " I think it 's a little too late for a pill to do anything . " I looked at him . He raised his eyebrows at me and I understood . " Oh , that plan B . " I thought about it for a second then shook my head . " No . This was my mistake . I got myself into this , I was willing even though I knew the risk . Ugh ! I 'm such an idiot ! " I said as I threw my head back to look at the ceiling .

Welp , no short fiction for you today . Today I have been working my creative side all day . I started by writing a piece of music , I liked it so I recorded a very rough demo . That is how we do it . We do a really rough demo and work with that until we have all the kinks out of it and then we do it for real . Otherwise , its gone . I have the memory of a hummingbird . So usually I will do a little demo on my phone that is 10 times crappier than this little number . I was just bored and having fun with it . Also , be on the lookout for new things . Ive got fiction coming up and I 've been working on my review site too . Big things are ahead . If I can get it worked out , we are also going to play some shows this summer . Stay tuned for more details on that front , but I have been hearing the love out there . Thanks for all the support . I am not sure what the title of this posts summons to mind for you , but it is indicative of a little personal battle I have been having with myself . With so much going on lately , I have been stretched pretty thin . I am watching Dexter and playing Mr . Mom while Addie is at work and when she is home I am job searching ( still no luck ) , doing school work , building my website , trying to do writing exercises , so that I can get better at writing , all while trying to squeeze in time for my story wherever I can find it . Truthfully , its the job searching that is destroying my time , and seemingly in vein . I swear one more assessment and my head will pop off . I have applied for almost every job in every established business in Corinth , as well as in the surrounding cities . The only places I haven 't applied are food service based . Why would I go back to food service when I left a 4 star restaurant and a salary job ? I am trying to / have been trying to move away from food service . Seems that I don 't have much experience in retail or whatever ( insert random business here ) . I think it is those pesky assessments . Do you guys actually answer them honestly ? That is what I have been doing and apparently I am a terrible person . Which is funny , because I left Liberty National because I didn 't like feeling like I was scamming people and cold calling . Alright , I am done ranting , on to the purpose of this post . So , this is not about my lack of a job , nor is it about Liberty National and my disgruntled status . This is about my current work of fiction . I haven 't posted in awhile and I wanted to say hello , I am still here , thanks for hanging in there with me , but for what purpose . I have no story for you . In fact , it isn 't even halfway done . BUT … I could give you some of it now ? Thus we get to the relevance of the title . Would you rather get the unedited first two chapters / segments now ? Or wait until I complete the whole story and receive it as a lump dump ( I enjoyed that ) . I can tell you this much for sure , it will be fairly long , at least in terms of short stories , might even be on the novella side of things , but it has me excited . At the end of this post I will include a poll . I encourage you all to vote . If you say you want it now , then you shall have it and I can get some immediate feedback . And if you say wait for gold ( hoping that it does in fact turn into gold ) , then we 'll wait . If no one votes , which I expect to be what actually happens , I mean we have to be realistic here , I have 21 followers and how many of you really get into this type of post ? I would wager not many , but I don 't know you . If no one votes , I will wait , so what I am saying is , if you want it now you have to earn it . If you want to wait , that is fine too . Instead , I will just write a review for my website or tell you some other random story about my personal life . I have a post in mind for this blog entitled " Mr . MOM , My Life As A Stay At Home Dad " . I think it will turn up some interesting events and emotions . I 'll tell you one thing , it has been an interesting ride so far . I felt the unmistakable urge to just start weeping while we were watching the lion king earlier . That never happened before ? In my head it was like , WTF is happening to me ! I am about to cry . We quickly turned it off and began to play dinosaurs and Batman . Alright , enough of all that before I ruin that other post . That was going to be one of my punchlines . I am finished here . I will leave you with the poll and return to working on the story while Dexter sleeps . Nap time will be over soon anyway . Thanks to all of you who read this . Its pretty cool that you care . This is another old gem . I believe it was my first attempt , maybe second , at flash fiction . Its a story about an old man . I think the original title was the old man , but I thought it cheesy or something . Reading it now , it seems so short , but thats the whole point of flash fiction . So enjoy the short little read . The dark staircase creaked as he crept down to the basement . The even whoosh - whoosh of the washing machine was comforting to him . He reached for the light as he entered the room . A dim bulb blinked on above him . There was a small table across the room from the washer - dryer combo . It was his work station . Many hours of his life had he spent there on various projects . Upon reaching the desk he flipped a switch and flooded the table with greenish light . In the center of the table was a small wooden box , mahogany . A small latch hung on the front held shut by a tiny lock . The old man removed the key from a leather strap that he kept around his neck and placed it next to the box on the table . Then he noticed his hands had begun to shake , trembling ever so gently . Outside the night was cold and the wind was blowing . If not for the steady whoosh - whoosh of the washer , he could hear it howling , almost calling his name . The box on the table seemed to be staring at him , waiting patiently . He picked up the key . The washer stopped shaking and the room was silent for a moment . The old man put the key inside the lock and opened it . He pulled the small lock off and unhinged the latch . His hands were still shaking . He opened the box . A purple velvet cloth filled the inside and folded over the top of its contents . His hands were shaking harder now and he reached down into the box . His wife had gone years ago . Cancer had taken her . His only son had died two days earlier in a car accident . He had no living family or friends . No reason to go on at all . He was old and lonely and ready for it to be over . From beneath the velvet cloth , he pulled the . 35 . He put it in his mouth and thought of his wife and son . Then he pulled the trigger . The washer clicked off the spin cycle and the only sound left in the room was the wind , calling his name . Alright , so I posted earlier about wetting your appetite . I was fumbling around my archives and I have realized that I lost a lot of my old stories . Sad . I may stil have some of them in hard copy , but that means I have to type them up , which is as much or more work than actually writing more new stuff . I did find this one . It 's called " Hello Cheryl " and I wrote it way back in 2006 . So without further ado : He was Ally 's current boyfriend . They had been together since her divorce six months ago . Ally and Daniel 's divorce had come in summer . It was a clean break and there hadn 't been any problems , except for the kids . Emily and Andy . She was 12 and he was 10 . The divorce had been hard on them . It upset Ally to see them like that , but over time they came to accept that mommy and daddy didn 't love each other and didn 't want to live together anymore . Edward came around just after the divorce . Daniel always accused her of cheating , but she suspected that he was just trying to justify his own cheating throughout the marriage . She hadn 't cheated , but she hadn 't felt bad either for getting involved with another man directly after the divorce . Although Emily and Andy had had a rough time with the divorce , they knew where they wanted to be , with Ally . She had been a stay at home mom before the divorce . She liked spending time with the kids and thought it motherly to keep the house up . Emily and Andy weren 't messy children . She got a nice little house and a job as a housekeeper in town . She got to keep the mini - van from the divorce and of course , she was allotted a child support of four hundred and fifty dollars a month . It sounds like a lot , but for a high - class attorney like Daniel , it wasn 't that big of a deal . He never paid much interest in what his children wanted or liked . It was , take what you can get or get nothing at all . He had planned once to take them all to Disneyland , but just like always he backed out at the last minute . It seemed that Daniel was the king of making promises that he couldn 't keep . He knew he couldn 't keep them , but he didn 't want them to think that he wasn 't a good father . There wasn 't any way of getting around it . He was failing . " Oh , just out for dinner and a movie . We 're going to see the late show . It 's that new film , just been released , about that boy who can change his appearance and make himself look like anything . " " Well , that 's nice . I think you and Jason make a great couple . " Ally replied , and continued on with her instructions . " Just put the kids to bed around eleven or eleven thirty . We 're gonna let them sleep in tomorrow . The only things they 'll miss are the Saturday morning cartoons . " She said with a giggle . They continued to say their goodbyes as Edward waited in the car . Cheryl assured her that everything would be fine and that she 'd take good care of Ally 's two little munchkins . " I got it Ms . Dawson . Eleven or eleven thirty , bed . Make sure they get a snack . No scary movies . Keep all the doors locked until you get back . And no visitors . " " I 'm sure you 'll do fine . " Ally said , pulling Cheryl next to her for a hug . " But there is just one more thing . Andy has been having bad dreams about a monster in his closet , so just make sure you check on him every so often , or else he 'll stay up all night . " Cheryl was the eighteen year old from down the street . She baby - sited for all the neighbors with kids . She had earned herself quite a reputation as a reliable babysitter and Ally felt like she was one of her own . In small towns , like Rossdale , it seemed that everyone raised everyone else 's kids . At least in the big neighborhoods like the one just off county road no . 3 that they lived on . The night crept by as it always did , slowly . It 's a good thing I get paid by the hour , she told herself . She let them watch all their favorite shows on Disney and Nickelodeon . After , The Spastic Life of Jake and Tyler or something , she decided that it was time to put the children to bed . She clicked off the tube and told the children that it was time for bed . They made a little sigh , but didn 't argue . Mom had told them to be good . She walked them to their rooms and put them in their beds . " What about the monster in my closet ? " Andy asked , wondering how she 'd handle the situation . " Yes , there is and as soon as I go to sleep he is going to come out of there and eat me . Then he 's going to vomit me up and eat me again . You know , like the flies . " " Fine . " She exclaimed . " I 'll show you . " She walked over to the closet door and opened it quickly . " See , " She said mocking him . " No monster . No nothing . Just your clothes and some toys . " Andy was not persuaded . " He 's in there , he is just hiding . " Cheryl pulled the clothes back to reveal the open closet . The closet was fully illuminated and almost every possible shadow had been removed . " See , still nothing . " She repeated . " I 'll leave your door open and turn on your night light , how about that ? " " Now , I 've got to go tuck your sister into bed , so , I 'll be in the living room just down stairs if you need anything . But I don 't want to hear any of this mess about closet monsters , or monsters under your bed or anything else because I 've shown you that they aren 't hiding . They just aren 't here . " " He 's had them since my mom got the divorce . Mom thinks that it 's because of the move . He had to move into that new bedroom , so , he has to go through the whole closet monster thing again . " She was gone , out of the room and on her way back downstairs . Andy had already come out of the bathroom and since she saw no sign of him suspected that he was already back in bed . He 'll be gone in no time , she told herself , off to sleep . Andy came out of the bathroom in a stumble . It was later than his usual bedtime and he felt special because he 'd gotten to stay up as late as he had . Even though he was excited about getting to stay up late his eyes were heavy . If only it weren 't for that tricky closet monster he 'd be able to get some sleep . The walk down the hall seemed long and treacherous , but he finally made it to his bedroom . He felt a breeze as he stepped in and noticed his window was up . He thought nothing of it . It was the closet monster that was on his mind . " Jesus protects me . " He said under his breath . Then he said it again , this time louder . " Jesus protects me . " He turned and looked at the closed closet door . He had a spider - man poster draped across it . The dwelling place of a monster , he thought to himself . " Jesus protects me . " He said again . He opened the closet door to check one last time before getting into bed . The closet stood empty , just as it had before . This Jesus protects me stuff really works , he thought to himself . He went back to the bed and climbed in . He closed his eyes and lay there in the bed quiet for a moment . There was a crackling noise from across the room . Andy sat up in bed immediately . Surely it was the closet monster out to get him . He noticed the closet door was still standing open . Come on in closet monster , he thought , feeling foolish . He put his feet on the floor , feeling the carpet tickle his bare feet and toes . He walked slowly to closet door , careful to inspect the area , ready to run at any moment . Upon reaching the door , he found the closet once again empty . You 're tricky Mr . Closet Monster . He closed the closet door and ran back to his bed in fear . Knowing at any moment the closet monster would come out and get him . He reached the bed and to his surprise , there was no monster after him . He was alone in his room , " Jesus protects me . " He repeated again and climbed into bed . Lying there quiet and still wasn 't easy . But it was a good trap . He 'd lie there till the monster thought he was asleep . When the monster came out he 'd get up and run out of his bedroom and down to Cheryl in the living room . He closed his eyes and lay quiet and still . The creak from across the room came again . Echoes from an old house were transformed into the steps of an evil closet monster . He didn 't falter . He lay quiet and still . Andy began to chant , as quietly as he could but loud enough so the monster might here . " Jesus protects me . Jesus protects me . Jesus protects me . Jesus protects me … " over and over . The closet monster was standing over him . He could feel the breath of it beating down on him in the dark . He had waited too long . It was too late to run away . He opened his eyes to see the face of his closet monster , the face of his enemy . Andy opened his eyes and there wasn 't a furry monster with horrid , pointy teeth just waiting for the right moment to smash his skull and drink his blood . There was only a man . His eyes were the only things visible through the black ski mask . " Where 's your Jesus , now ? " he asked . His monster was absent , replaced by this man in black , but Andy found he was more scared by the man than he could ever have been of the monster . He opened his mouth to scream , but only air came out . Before Andy could find his voice , or even begin to fight the man with dark blue eyes , the man covered his mouth and scooped him out of the bed . Cheryl made it down the stairs in little time at all . She immediately flipped the TV over to MTV to watch her favorite show . She had become a regular TV Guide since she started babysitting , memorizing all the channels and the shows they played . It was fifteen after twelve when the phone rang . She was deep into her show by this point and almost didn 't answer the phone . It wasn 't her house , who would be calling for her ? The phone rang and rang . It seemed endless . To keep from waking up the children , she answered it . " Hello , " she said as she picked up the phone . " Hello , Cheryl " the voice on the other end of the phone replied . It was strong but raspy , yet quiet and controlled . The fellow sounded like he had a frog in his throat . " Oh , I could go on for days . " He continued . " But that isn 't why we 're here . You 're being paid to do a job and if Ms . Dawson knew of the job you 've done , she wouldn 't be very pleased . " " Can you be so sure ? " His raspy voice taunted her , begging her to see for herself . " Why don 't you go upstairs and take a look ? You 're on a cordless phone . " There was silence for a moment as she looked around . There were four windows in the living room , two in the kitchen , one in the upstairs hall and one in each bedroom . There was no way to tell if he was really watching her . If he were , it would be near impossible to tell from where . The mystery man on the other end of the phone waited quietly for her to inspect the perimeter . She was unable to locate him and frozen in fear of what he 'd said . She sprinted up the stairs and into Sarah 's bedroom . She flipped the light switch and saw Sarah roll over in bed and yell out " Turn off the light ! " Cheryl flipped the light back off and exited the bedroom , apologizing the whole way out . As she closed the door , she was greeted with laughter at the end of the phone . " See , " she said . " Just like I said , in bed asleep . Now , who the fuck are you ? " " Now , that 's no way to treat a guest in the house . I come for a visit and that 's how you talk to me . That 's terrible . Ms . Dawson wouldn 't be very happy . " More laughter . Deep and hearty , but with that raspy twist , the laughter cut like a knife . " What about dear old Andy ? You haven 't checked on him yet . " " Listen asshole , I 'm not getting paid enough for this kind of bullshit . So , go prank call someone else and give them your bullshit story about watching them . Cause I 'm not putting up with it . " And she hung up . She started back down the stairs , but decided to checkup on Andy anyways . That laugh , she thought . Gives me the creeps . She shivered as she walked . Andy 's door was closed . He must 've closed it , she thought . He did go to the bathroom . She cracked open the door . The night light had been turned off and the room was dark . A breeze grazed her face as she flipped on the light . Illumination revealed the pulled back sheets and the missing Andy . The phone rang in her hand . " Where 's Andy ? " She screamed , answering the phone . " What have you done with him , you bastard ? " She was staring out the window , but the voice on the other end of the phone wasn 't the mystery man . The mystery man revealed his position in the house by placing his 9mm at the base of her neck . " Hello , Cheryl . " He said . " Wouldn 't want to do anything hasty would we ? " " Oh , yes , that 's normal . " He said . " Tell you what , when my ex gets in tell her to call me ASAP , okay ? " With a click Mr . Dawson was gone and so were her chances of using him as a savior . The mystery man repeated . " Hello , Cheryl . How are we this evening ? " " I 'm here to make Daniel Dawson pay . " He said . " Simple as that , I will kill his son , write his name on the wall and be on my way . I 'd hate to have to kill you , too . " He said calmly . " I just couldn 't risk the temptation of scaring the shit out of you . " Then he spurted out a laugh . " Worked too didn 't it . " " Well , that is that . " He said as he stepped over her and opened the closet door . Andy lay bound and gagged in the floor of the closet . " Come here little man , " he said and sprayed a little substance in his face . Ally returned home at ten to one . The house was silent as she opened the door . The TV was off . Cheryl must 've left , she thought , but didn 't mind because the kids were sleeping quietly . Motherly instinct told her to check on the kids , at least to make sure everything was like it should be . On to Andy 's room . She opened the door . Paused a moment to let her eyes adjust to the darkness of the room . There was no night light on . After a moment , her eyes adjusted and she saw Andy lying in his bed in a deep sleep . Cheryl had done her job well . Even Emily still slept with a light . She had to know this secret , how she got him to sleep without it . She woke up at 8 : 30 . There was no alarm . No noises throughout the house . Only silence . The children were still in bed . She would 've bet her life that Cheryl had let them stay up later than she had told her too , but what was the harm in that ? They would only sleep longer this morning . She wasn 't mad , but the silence of the house brought unrest in her . She felt like she should make sure they were sleeping . They were . Andy was lying still in his bed , just as she had seen him the night before , and Emily was the same as well . They appeared untouched , unmoved in every way . Ally didn 't want to disturb them so she made her way back down the stairs and into the living room . The phone rang . The cordless was missing ; apparently Cheryl had been doing some calling last night , too . So , she ran into the kitchen and grabbed the mounted wall phone . " Ally , " Daniel asked . " Aren 't you listening ? Ally , " A pause . " I said , the mob . I didn 't put the mob in prison . Just one man . " " Well , the kids . Maybe you . All I 'm saying is that if you went to stay with your mother for a few days then you might be a little safer . " She was pacing . He always did that to her . He made her nervous . That was part of the reason for the divorce , other than his affair . " Please just do this for me . Before they do anything . Please . When the kids get up , pack a bag , and go to your mother 's for three days . Please . " " Fine . " She said . She had no intention of going . Ally was the epitome of stubborn when it came to Daniel and his requests . She had only agreed to get him off her back . She hung up the phone with a hard click . He had ruined her morning . Someone 's going to come to her house and kill her kids just because her ex husband and they 're terrible dad , put some criminal away for the rest of his days . Maybe she should have cared , but for some reason she didn 't . She thought it was just another of his tricks to get her to take him back . It 's not happening Daniel . You can forget it . The coffee pot was whistling , signifying that the coffee was done . " A little coffee , sugar , and some milk , that 's how you start the day off right . " She said . " Not by packing your things and going to your mother 's house . " She opened the refrigerator after some milk . Inside the refrigerator , beside the milk was a small object about the size of a mini carrot , but it was a very pale white with a red tip . At the end of the red tip was a small pool of red liquid . Ally picked up the finger and dropped it in the floor just as soon as she saw the nail at the end of it . " HOLY SHIT ! " she screamed and almost passed out . That had been in there all night . Something had happened last night . That was Cheryl 's finger . Cheryl wasn 't a concern anymore . If this had happened to her , then what about Emily and Andy . She sprinted upstairs to Emily 's room . She shook her , gently . " Baby , wake up . Momma 's here . " No response . She began to shake her more and more until she was thrashing her back and fourth . " Emily , wake up ! " she shouted . She ran to Andy 's room to repeat the process . Her efforts were fruitless . Neither child responded to her in any way . Ally shook them as hard as she could , but they were mannequins , dead to the world . Dead . Ally slid to the floor , weeping . Daniel had been right . The mob had come and taken her children in the night . She pulled herself up from the floor and over to the closet where the monster sleeps . The door knob was crusted with a crimson substance . It appeared quite similar to blood , but it was crusty and seemed thicker than any blood she had ever seen . She opened it . Cheryl was bound at her hands and feet . A finger missing from her right hand and the cordless phone in her left . She was pale , paler than normal and completely naked . She was dead . Ally didn 't have to look very hard to see that . It was the markings and cuts on her that made her drag Cheryl out of the closet . Ally stretched Cheryl out on the floor in Andy 's room . She untied the knots around her wrists . Her stiff , naked body was already starting to have an odor . Across her arms , she had been cut , with probably a razor or a thin knife . " JESUS PROTECTS ME " had been sketched over them . On her stomach , had been carved " HELLO CHERYL " . The sight of Cheryl 's stiff , twisted body made Ally sick . She could no longer hold back the vomit that had been building up inside her . She grabbed the small trashcan beside Andy 's desk and lurched . She felt her stomach tighten up and release as it forced the orange and yellow liquid past her lips and into the can . She couldn 't fight it anymore . Her eyes rolled back and she passed out . The cops arrived somewhere between nine thirty and quarter to ten . Ally had called them when she made it back down stairs . They came and took Cheryl , Andy , and Emily away . Their autopsies revealed that it was poison that had killed them . It was taken in through the lungs . There seemed to have been a substance breathed in by the victims . The poison affected the lungs first . Then it entered the bloodstream making the blood more thick that it normally would 've been . The gas had worked so quick that it took only seconds to kill them . The police followed up on the murders . Although the mob was accused , no evidence was found that might link them to the murders . No one was prosecuted for the murders , up to this point . Considering that this story is old and I didn 't do any editing before posting , I hope that it was at least mildly entertaining . I 'm sure I could 've polished it up a bit , but really I posted it for you guys . To show my appreciation for the love I have been receiving so far . If you liked this story feel free to let me know and if the general consensus is that you guys want more , then more you shall have . Thanks again . Before I get right to this , I want to do a little explaining of what is going on here an why . Otherwise , you may read this and end up confused at the end . I was reading The Daily Post 's Writing 101 : Daily Blog about SOC writing . The assignment was to write anything for twenty minutes . Simple enough . So , I opened word and started the timer . The result turned out to be a decent snapshot of my life at the moment . Maybe 2000 more words would 've gotten a better look at it , but I was trying to write fast . I fixed most of the grammar and spelling mistakes afterward . Either way , I told myself I would post the results afterward . So , here goes . Then , I will return to working on my story . Be on the lookout for it pretty soon . Writing in a stream of conscious style has its advantages and disadvantages . A lot of the time this is the method I would use to tackle a story , except with that I have some form of idea toward which I am directing my writing . This is not the case here . I am just writing and I will let it take me wherever , for the next twenty minutes . My son is asleep in the other room . The house is quiet , for once . The dog is crashed out somewhere in the house , probably the living room . She sneaks up onto the couch when no one is in the room . I suppose she thinks she is getting away with something , because as soon as we step foot in there she is off the couch and at my feet saying how sorry she is with her eyes . Truthfully , I don 't mind it . The only time we don 't let her up is when she is shedding real bad ( twice a year for about a month ) and when she is having lady times . I keep telling myself to go get that taken care of . Then I get a bit of spare time and forget all about it . Before you know it , its rag time again . Evee is great . She is the best dog I have ever had . She acts like a much older dog these days . She 's almost three and she acts like she is seven and on her last leg . I think it 's because we stopped being as active with her when Dexter was born and now she has gotten used to being lazy and fat . The most exercise she gets aside from out walks and park trips is running from Dexter around the house . I don 't blame her . He wants to pull her tail one minute and give her kisses the next . He is a wild card and you never know what to expect . Haha , twenty minutes almost entirely spent talking about my dog . That 's a bit funny , but it makes sense . I have a soft spot in my heart for dogs . A lot of my fiction writing has had dog characters in it . My best attempt to date at a novel had a dog in it . It was my main character 's best friend . Speaking of writing , I am really enjoying getting back into it again . You see , I go through phases , music , writing , music , writing . Only occasionally will I get a brief window in between phases where I am able to do both . Lately , I have been trying to write on topics for review , especially considering that I have not published a single review yet . I also have my fiction that I am working on . It is truly the joy of writing , but it is somehow intimidating . I am always reluctant to start . I tell myself that I should be reading instead . Sometimes I will read about writing instead of writing , hoping that it will make the writing I actually do better . That 's a silly idea . You get better at writing by writing . I also am the creative force behind a band that will get stagnate if I don 't keep everyone 's fire lit . So I have to keep coming up with music . Don 't let me make that sound like a chore , I love guitar and I love writing music , but it has been a long time since I wrote any lyrics . This is why I am able to write now . I do however plan to post future lyrical journeys hear as poetry . Maybe I will even record a demo and post that . Who knows ? Lately , I have been reading Bentley Little 's short story works . I like to read short stories when I am writing short stories , makes me think about things differently . In fact , the story I am working on now was inspired by one of his stories . It doesn 't have the same plot or anything , but the idea of the Faulkner style , but with a terror twist seemed really appealing . I like to take the reader on a journey , make them think a little bit if I can . I can 't really say much more about all of this , because I am still working on it and I don 't want to give anything away . I have four minutes left on my twenty minute challenge . What now ? Should I go on about myself ? I should be writing not thinking about what to write next … Only a short period of time left , hmm . Rather than worry about finishing on time , I have elected to finish with some sort of point or resolution , before returning to my story . You see , I have limited time each day to work on anything like this . My morning is spent with Dexter , followed by lunch and an afternoon outside ( learning the trike recently ) . Then , on to nap time . This is when I get to write , read , whatever . He will wake up and either I play with him while Addie makes dinner or vice versa . After dinner , we do calming things . We play with blocks , or do coloring , etc . As bedtime nears , we take a bath with lavender or chamomile if we have any . Then he drinks warm milk while I / Addie ( we take turns ) read him a story . Then into bed for a second story . Addie usually reads him a book of his choice . I read the same book . Right now , we are reading the golden compass . After which , I get free time again . This is a bit confusing because it is free time in the sense that I can do what I want . That doesn 't really make it free time . This is because I have obligations . I am a student at an online college . This means I have numerous weekly assignments that must be done during this time . I am unemployed , which means I must be job searching during this time , there are other things happening during this time , like spending time with Addie , and trying out products like board games and video games for review . Watching movies , and other things would also fall into this time . I just realized that I am over on time . I could really stop there . What is most important ? Writing definitely falls in that category . But I like to tackle my music and writing in the same way . If I can get a little bit done every day , I can throw out the bad and keep the good . I will steadily make progress and before long . I have a plethora of material . This is how all of Dead Perspective 's music came about , a little at a time over a period of time . So I have a lot of things going on right now . I have about 100 things to write about and make a post and not really sure which to actually do . I have a list of reviews to write , but I get the feeling that you guys could really care less . Some of this stuff I like and want to recommend that you buy , some of it I want to warn you about . Also , I quit my job at Liberty National . Legally , I can 't say anything negative about them or I could be fined $ 1000 . The truth is that most of them that I got to know are good people , but I couldn 't do what was asked of me . It was against my " ethical code " . That story in itself is another blog post . Now I am on the job market and who knows what that will mean . What it probably means is that I will end up working for CCA at the prison in Clifton , TN . It also means moving . That I am not excited about . I hate Mississippi , but I like our house . We really made a home here . With Addie having got a job at BAM , it means we won 't be moving back to Savannah , so even though we will probably be moving , I won 't get to be any closer to my family . Boo . Oh yeah , so I got some recording software , and I have been doing some demos . I figure that you guys are in on my personal life , I might as well post some here too . What do you think of that ? Hungry for some metal ? Haha , if you want to call my music metal . I am also starting two new classes at CTU . There 's a review , or more of a warning . I don 't know about the competition , but I have been sorely disappointed . Each term I start looking at other schools , but being to afraid of losing the FA I have now , I just keep going .

Lavinia opened the door and got out of the car . She allowed her mother to take her arm and lead her to the house . Her father took her things out of the trunk . He opened the door with the third key on the ring and held the door open for the other two . No one said anything to the others . Lavinia 's small bag was placed beside the door as they encouraged her to look around the house and reacquaint herself with everything . There were framed photos along the wall leading up the stairs to the second floor bedrooms . Lavinia pointed to a young girl in one of the photos . " Is that me ? " Lavinia walked closer to the photograph behind the glass , set in the gilded frame . The girl was sitting between her parents at a professional photographer 's studio , smiling with her hair pulled away from her face . She didn 't even recognize her own picture . Did she really look like that only a few years ago ? How much her face had changed during those pivitol years of adolescence . " I don 't remember , " she declared , never taking her eyes from the girl 's face . The smiles disappeared from her parents ' faces but they continued to encourage her . She gauged their reactions from what she could see reflected in the mounted photo . " It 'll come back to you . It 'll just take some time , but it will all come back , " her father said . It was like an order for her mind . Her mother walked over and placed a hand on her shoulder . Lavinia shrank back from the woman 's touch . The mother 's face couldn 't hide the pain . She quietly excused herself and left the room with tears in her eyes . Lavinia sighed when she realized it was her fault . " I 'm … I 'm sorry . I want to remember , but … I don 't know how to make it come back . " Lavinia continued to gaze at the girl . " I 'll show you to your room , " her father said . He picked up her suitcase and headed up the stairs . He paused and turned back to Lavinia . " She 'll be fine . It 's just been hard on her . That 's all . " He forced a smile and she in turn forced one back . He brought her things the rest of the way up the stairs . Lavinia followed , keeping her eyes on the young girl 's face until the last possible moment . Her father put the suitcase down beside the bed , neatly made with a flowery comforter and sheets set . " Maybe looking around a bit will help me remember , " she offered . She sat down on the edge of the bed . The room was a cluttered mess . " Maybe , " he agreed , nodding his head . " I 'd , um … I 'd better go see how she 's doing . " He left Lavinia alone in the strange room . She took off her coat and laid it out on the bed . She walked around the room , looked at the books on the shelves , the pictures tacked and taped up on the walls . The calendar next to the bed was seven years old but was open to what must be one of her favorite pictures , a rose garden in full bloom . She flopped down on the bed . " Watch your head . It wasn 't much of a problem when you were younger , " her mother came in with a photo album and sat down beside Lavinia . She spread the album across both their laps . Lavinia made sure that there was still plenty of space between the two of them . " I thought , that maybe taking a look at some of these would help to jog your memory . " She opened the front cover of the album . Turning the pages slowly , she pointed out some of the photos a mother held dearest . " There 's one of you helping me bake . I think … those … are cookies . It looks like cookie dough . And that would make those chocolate chips . " Lavinia just sat there staring at the unfamiliar pictures of herself as a young child . The pictures kept coming and still Lavinia couldn 't remember any of them . Not a single birthday , vacation , holiday , or family gathering . The woman sitting next to her didn 't seem to notice that she wasn 't making any connection with her daughter . " Lucia , " her husband said gently from the doorway where he 'd suddenly appeared . Both of them looked up . " Let her rest . " He crossed the room and picked up the photo album . Closing the book gingerly , he put his hand on his wife 's back and gave her a small nudge in the direction of the door . " It can 't be forced . The doctor said … " he let his sentence trail off rather than become a lecture . " You 're right , " Lucia said . She was staring off into space , unable to focus , or focusing on something that wasn 't there . " I 'm going to bed , James . I … I can 't . " She shook her head in disbelief . She managed to make her way out of the room , grabbing at the doorway and walls to help her on her way . " She will be okay , won 't she ? " the tired girl asked from the bed . She may not have been able to remember her mother , but she understood that it couldn 't be easy on her . To have your own daughter not remember you had to be similar on some level to her own memory loss , to not knowing who she was . " She 'll be fine . You should get some rest too , " he said staring down at the album cover in his arms and recalling better times . " There 's some clothes in the dresser and closet . The stuff on the right is freshly washed . Toothbrush is in the bathroom up here . Other than that , I don 't know where you put anything . " He had the album tucked under his arm as he headed out of the room . " Wait , " Lavinia called out , getting up from the bed . " Can … would you leave that here ? I 'd like to look at it some more on my own . If you don 't mind , of course . " " Well , sure . " Her father came back and put the photo album on the bed beside her . " I don 't think it 'll hurt for you to look through it . Lavinia closed the door to be more completely alone . She picked up the album and flipped through it slower this time . She tried to see herself in the pictures . Tried to guess at the kinds of things she had enjoyed . It only took her a few minutes to figure out that something wasn 't right . The photo album was only half filled . There were no pictures from her tenth birthday onward . The pictures just stopped . There were a bunch from her birthday , a few from her first day of school that year and then nothing . The last pages were empty . There were probably other albums with the rest of the pictures . She got up from the bed and crept to the door of her parents ' bedroom . Gently easing the door open with her foot , she held the album open to the last occupied page . She was about to speak up when she saw the two adults asleep in bed , clearly in another place . Careful to close the door just right , Lavinia hurried back to her own room and shut the door . She put the album on the floor beside the bed and made herself a mental note to ask about it in the morning . Maybe by then she wouldn 't have to ask about it . She might remember on her own where the rest of the albums were . Yawning , she crossed to the dresser and pulled open the drawers . She pulled out a nightgown from the top drawer and held it up against herself . Covered with frills and lacy ribbons , she could clearly see it would be too small . She balled it up and jammed it back in , mixing up all the neatly folded clothes and rendering what little knowledge her father had given her irrelevant . The next three sets of pajamas were similarly small and childish . Frustrated and tired , Lavinia crawled under the blankets in her clothes . The smell of bacon woke her up the next morning . Lavinia pushed the blanket away from her and just lay there for a moment . It was an exercise she 'd learned in the hospital . Upon waking she would focus and try to remember what her dreams had been about , what they 'd involved , to see if she recognized something or someone , just to jog her memory . So far all she was able to remember from her dreams had been bits and flashes . A picture , a sound , an emotion . Pieces of her humanity . Lavinia had no idea what was memory and what was just her imagination . This particular morning the pieces went by fast and had vanished before she could even try to comprehend them . An ice cream cone . An old car . A radio playing a snippet of a song . The sound of change falling to the ground . And cars going by on a road only upside down . She was once again a girl who couldn 't remember who she was . A timer went off downstairs . Lavinia blinked and forced herself out of the stupor . She rolled to her left and hit the wall that the bed was up against . She was definitely awake . She rolled back the other way and swung her feet over the correct side of the bed . Lavinia stood up and sat back down as a sharp pain went through her foot . Using both hands to rub the offended limb , she peered over the edge of the bed . The photo album lay open on the floor , the metal teeth of the clasp open like a bear trap . She picked it up snapping its jaws closed and headed downstairs in the direction of the bacon … and eggs , judging from the new aroma mingling with the meat 's hearty scent . Hissing and popping came from the microwave and stove . Her mother was leaning over the toaster oven in an apron with her hair still dripping from a morning shower . She was noisily scraping butter across burnt toast . Lucia put the buttered toast on a plate and put two more slices of bread in the toaster oven , pushing the button down with her finger as Lavinia put the photo album on the table and crossed the kitchen again to the fridge . Lavinia was a little unsure of herself as she moved about the room . Her mother , who had seemed a little distracted before , was now watching Lavinia 's every move . When she had a glass of juice and was seated at the table , a steaming pile of eggs with several strips of bacon along the side was placed before her . Lavinia was looking at the photos again . " I , was wondering , " she began . She couldn 't bring herself to call this strange and slightly overbearing woman " Mom " yet . " When I was flipping through the pictures last night , " she began again . " I saw that there weren 't any pictures from … well , taken more recently . Where 's the album that has the pictures from my eighth grade graduation or my Sweet Sixteen ? I didn 't want to go poking around last night when you were trying to sleep . " She began eating , trying to eat casually , but waiting for an answer . She switched from spearing the eggs to nibbling a piece of the dry bacon but her mother never said anything . Maybe the woman hadn 't heard her . " Did … I did say that out loud didn 't I ? " Lavinia said , trying not to sound too sarcastic . She wasn 't comfortable with these people yet . She knew that they were her parents ; at least , they were the ones who 'd been there when she woke up in the hospital . " I heard you , " Lucia answered coldly . She was putting coffee grounds in the filter paper , filling the coffee pot with water . " I … " she never finished . She didn 't know how to explain . The smile was gone . Her arms dropped to her sides with the knife still clenched in her fist . She relaxed a little and put the knife back , letting the drawer slam into place . " No , I 'm afraid we don 't have any cinnamon and sugar . " Her mother went back to what she had been doing , trying to keep her hands busy . " James , let me get that for you . " Lucia wiped her hands on her apron and adjusted the necktie so that it sat just right . She whispered something in his ear that made his eyebrows knit together and a scowl appear in his eyes . He clenched his jaw . Lavinia sensed the change in the room and examined the two adults . She was focusing too hard on people and not enough on food and choked on a piece of bacon . She coughed until she could breathe properly again before she swallowed her entire glass of juice and blinked her eyes to clear away the tears of pain . " I 'm all right , " she insisted , barely getting the words out . " I 'm okay . " She looked up but her parents were gone . Lavinia stood up , knocking the photo album off the table . She bent and picked it up , leaving it open to the last photo . Voices . There were muffled voices coming from somewhere in the house . Lavinia followed the sounds to the bathroom door . She leaned against the washing machine and eavesdropped on her parents . " Yes , Luce . They said that even if we got her back , she may not remember us . She may not remember them . They could have brainwashed her . She may not remember a thing . She could already have … repressed it all , depending on what happened . There was no telling what may happen . " " I want her to hear me . Don 't you understand , she isn 't our daughter … anymore . She 's … she 's become someone else . " Lavinia 's knees dropped out from under her . There was a loud thud from the machine as she bounced off the side . There was one quick step before the bathroom door opened . Her parents frowned down at her . Their faces were a mix of disappointment and suspicion . She didn 't stick around to see what they would say to her . As soon as she regained her footing , Lavinia ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs . She didn 't know which way to go . She heard them coming and turned the corner . She opened the first door she came across and found a flight of stairs . Not having any other options , she went up . Wrong choice . It was the attic . She should have just gone outside . The furthest corner of the room would have to do . Crouching beside a card table and an old television , she kept an eye on the stairway , waiting for them to follow her . She 'd unconsciously grabbed the photo album on her way out of the room . She looked at the picture of her last birthday at home and took it out of the protective plastic sleeve . She understood why her parents were confused . She felt stupid for believing their lie . She should have been able to see through it . But she just couldn 't understand why she didn 't remember anything , no matter how hard she tried . What had happened to her ? She was the only one who knew and she couldn 't tell them anything about what had happened . The only things she knew about the past were what she was told . Think she urged herself . Remember . She hit herself lightly on the forehead with the album . The photo fell to the dusty floor . Lavinia leaned her head against the drywall . Her parents hadn 't followed her up the stairs . A car door shut outside and an engine started up . When she stood up , hitting her head on yet another slanted ceiling , she looked out the window to find one of the two cars missing from the driveway , the one they 'd arrived in the evening before . Relief at avoiding confrontation just a little longer overwhelmed her . She sat back down and closed her eyes . The rough night came back to her and she drifted off to sleep . Lavinia followed the strange girl outside of whatever building they 'd been in . The next thing she saw was a gorgeous pond . The sky and the trees reflected perfectly off the water 's surface . There was a rusted out boat that the girl climbed into the front of and pretended to steer . " Where are we ? What is this place ? " Lavinia couldn 't help asking questions . There was an odd familiarity about the place . It was as if she had been there before . " We 're sailing across the ocean , searching for uncharted territory to explore , " the girl replied . " Wind 's picking up . Adjust the sail . " She was back in the attic . The photo album was spread open in her lap . She clutched it tight , her knuckles turning white . Her mother wrenched it gently from her grasp , closed it and put it away in a musty , waterproof box . Lavinia slid her foot to block the photo on the floor from view . The woman was cold as she descended the stairs . About halfway down she turned back to the young girl crouched in the corner . " Your father has gone into work for a quick meeting . I suggest that you clean your room or go for a walk until he returns . We 'll discuss this … situation , later . " Lavinia sat for a moment , absorbing and digesting the statement . She heard the television come on two floors below and the voice of an annoying talk show host drifted up the two flights of stairs . She dug the album out of the box her mother had put it in and brought it back to the sanctuary of her bedroom , laying it safely under the bed . She examined the books on the shelves around the room . Picking one up , she flopped down on the bed to read . Hours later she hadn 't gotten very far . Her mind kept going back to the dream and the unknown girl calling her Gwen . She gave up on the book . For all she knew , she 'd already read it ten times . She felt chilly and searched through the closet until she found a sweatshirt that looked warm and climbed into it . Lavinia ran into a problem . The sleeves didn 't reach down her arms the way they should and the mobility of her arms was severely restricted . She was stuck . It was a little too small . She ran from the room to her mother for help . Her hands were beginning to tingle from the restricted blood flow . As she rushed down the stairs , the television that had been blaring earlier was now turned down to a lower volume and the channel had been changed to the midday news . Lavinia had to turn her whole body to see the living room . Her neck was as restricted as her arms and only part of her head made it out to the rest of the world . " Help ! " she called out pitifully . She had wanted to call out " Mom " but still couldn 't bring herself to actually say it . Lucia 's low - heeled shoes clomped up the basement stairs after a loud thud . " Please , if you have any information , " a girl only a year or two younger than herself , was crying in front of a bouquet of media microphones . " All we want is for Gwen to come home . " An older couple with tears in their eyes stood a step behind the girl who was now addressing the press . Each had a hand one of her shoulders and was nodding in silent , grief - filled agreement . The woman had one arm in a sling . The man was on crutches , though considering he was largely hidden by the podium it was difficult to see the full extent of his injuries . Upon closer examination , the girl had a bandage on her forehead and Lavinia was sure that she 'd seen the girl before . She looked remarkably like the girl in her dream but it was probably because she saw her on the television at the hospital earlier . " We want whoever took her to know . . . " The television went blank . Lavinia 's mother was there with the remote control in one hand and a cardboard box containing a frozen pizza in the other . " That 'll happen in seven years , " she remarked , setting the pizza and the remote control down . It only took a few seconds of twisting and tugging for the sweatshirt to relinquish its prisoner . Lavinia moved her arms around in a windmill , glad to have her mobility back . " Come and help me make up this pizza . You must be getting hungry . " For the first time , Lavinia really noticed the older woman 's face . Lines of worry had engraved themselves into the flesh of her forehead . Behind her eyes were years of pain and uncertainty . Her eyes shone with the yearning to have some bit of recognition from the daughter who 'd been stolen from her . Lavinia headed wordlessly towards the kitchen . She would have to put in a little effort . Luckily , the incident with the sweatshirt had broken some of the tension between mother and daughter . " I guess when we found out that you were coming home , " Lucia started talking as she turned the dial on the oven to preheat it and took out a flat baking sheet . " We should have anticipated that you would have grown a bit in seven years and gotten more clothes . How did you miss the new stuff in the bag beside the desk though ? " She spread a sheet of aluminum foil on the tray and placed on it the frozen pizza from the box . Lavinia , having figured out where the dishes and cups were housed during breakfast , set the table and poured soda into glasses filled to the rim with ice cubes . " Well , last night he said the dresser and closet . He didn 't say anything about a bag on the floor . " She wasn 't ready to call either of them anything yet but was less ashamed if not less self - conscious about it . Lavinia smiled as she put the soda back into the refrigerator . " If we don 't , these clothes … " she trailed off , pretending to sniff the sleeve . The face made Lucia laugh . It was the first time Lavinia had seen her mother that relaxed . When they 'd been with her in the hospital , her mother was so … stiff and had constant streams of tears pouring from her eyes . She couldn 't be the same person before her who was taking the pizza from the oven . " I know you said we 'd talk about it later , " Lavinia began cautiously . Her mother 's jaw slowed its motion as she swallowed , anticipating what would come next . She put down the bit of crust and dusted her fingers off by rubbing them together . She picked up a napkin and dabbed at the grease on the tips of her manicured nails . Lavinia moved on when her mother finally looked up and confronted her , eye to eye . " Could you tell me what you meant earlier … I mean … the whole … kidnapping thing . " Nervousness set in and she laughed adding , " I didn 't manage to eavesdrop on the whole conversation and was wondering if you would fill in some of the gaps . " Lucia smiled ; a forced grin was really what it was . " You were in the fourth grade and since you 'd just turned ten , you wanted to show us you could walk home from school on your own . I had a doctor 's appointment that afternoon and pushed your father into letting you do it , to save me the trip . We gave you a key and dropped you off at school . I came home and you weren 't here . " Tears had once again won out and spilled over onto Lucia 's cheeks , dragging her mascara along for the ride . " I got back into the car and drove up and down the street for an hour before I called your father and the police . " The napkin was twisted in her hands , a wrinkled mess . Even the birds outside had ceased chirping as they listened intently to the confession . " We did it all you know . Those fliers in the mail , the evening news . There were search parties and … those dogs . All they found was one of your shoes . Soon the leads had all been looked into and the police stopped calling with updates . Then , about a week ago , one of the detectives called . He said that he wanted us to meet him at the station in the city , that they may have found something and needed to see us in person . We couldn 't leave fast enough . We got in the car and started driving . On the highway we saw you wandering in the break down lane and pulled over . " Lavinia sat listening to the narrative , afraid to move a muscle in the event that it would shatter the woman 's concentration . Lucia was staring out the French doors , or was she seeing something on the glass ? It was giving Lavinia the creeps , the intensity of her mother 's stare . She wasn 't even blinking . " When we realized that it was you , we couldn 't believe it . A miracle . I 'm not even sure the detective really called . I 'm convinced it was a sign from God . He knew you were going to be there and led us to you . We took you to the hospital , for your injuries . But then , you remember that , " she said , coming out of her meditative state . " I blamed myself . I knew you were too young and I let you do it anyhow . Because it would 've been too much of a hassle to pick you up early and bring you with me . It 's why I wouldn 't let go when they all told me to . But we proved them wrong , didn 't we Nia . " The blow - up that Lavinia expected when her father came home from work that afternoon never happened . If anything , he seemed relieved that it had all been discussed without him . At dinner he explained . " You understand why we didn 't tell you … " he said at the dining room table . " We never expected your memory to be gone for this long . It 's like the doctors said , it 'll come back in time . I guess part of me doesn 't want you to remember . I 'd rather have you start over with us than have you remember something painful . " " James , " Lucia interjected . He stopped his speech and put a forkful of food in his mouth to prevent any other words from slipping out . His wife turned off her evil - eye stare and pivoted her head to face her daughter . " He didn 't mean that . We want your memory to come back because it is the best way to put this whole thing in the past where it belongs . " She faced her husband again adding , " Besides , I want the bastards who did this to rot in prison on their way to Hell . " Now it was his turn to glare but instead he just sighed and briefly closed his eyes . His clean knife punctuated his words as he said to Lavinia , " We 're just happy to have you home , Nia . That 's the important thing . " His eyes never left his wife 's face . Lavinia was embarrassed and scared simultaneously . When they 'd fought earlier they 'd at least had the decency to leave the room . With the two adults locked in a staring contest , Lavinia found it hard to look away . Putting the saltshaker back she knocked over her glass of water . A flurry of napkins mopped up the mess . Though the argument was over , a curtain of tension hung between the couple . Wife cleared the dishes while Husband retreated to the living room and the evening news . Lavinia got up , picked up a dishrag and waited by the sink . Lucia glanced at her daughter standing there with the cloth in her waiting hands . The woman 's eyebrows raised as she rinsed a dish . Holding the dripping plate over the sink , with the other hand Lucia pulled up on the handle of the dishwasher . The door swung down like a drawbridge and a rack rolled out on little wheels . Imitating Vanna White , she demonstrated wordlessly how to place a dish in the rack . Lavinia gently lobbed the dishrag at the counter and nodded . " I feel stupid , " she said smiling and blushing . " You probably just forgot , " Lucia added making herself sound foolish . Of course Lavinia had forgotten . But still , she remembered seeing the dishwasher earlier that day . She hadn 't thought about drying the dishes . It seemed like she 'd done it out of … habit . She walked to the bathroom . Closing the door , she leaned against the towel rack . She strained to catch hold of a memory . Only flashes came . The clinking noise the plates made as they were put into a sink full of water . A girl complaining , " But it 's Gwen 's turn to wash . " Her own voice , " No , I did it yesterday . It 's my day to dry . " Fighting over the cheerfully drab dishcloth . An older woman 's frustrated voice , " Anna you wash , Gwendolyn you dry . And if you keep fighting over this … you 'll both wash . Every day . " The sink filled with soapsuds . Lavinia jumped and flushed the toilet . She heard her mother 's footsteps walking away . After turning on the faucet for a moment she opened the door and left . She didn 't look up as she made a beeline for her bedroom . She didn 't want to think anymore , she didn 't want to remember . She just wanted to be doing something . She looked around the room , discovering the hiding places of her lost youth and the treasures they held . There was an old diary on a board under her bed . Clippings from magazines in a drawer . Things from when she 'd been a Girl Scout and the years she 'd taken ballet lessons . Looking around she began to hum to herself in an absentminded manner . Behind a cardboard box in her closet she found an old sewing kit with some pillowcases , the printed flowers half embroidered with a needle and thread still attached . Cardboard cards with the colorful thread wrapped round them overflowed the case . Lavinia took the unfinished pillowcase out of the plastic container and ran her finger over the loose stitches . Her finger was stuck by the protruding needle , but not enough to draw blood . There was a small pair of stainless steel scissors , the style that fold up on themselves . Lavinia picked up a few of the cards of embroidery floss . She gathered up the loose ends from the cards and unwound the thread until it stretched out before her , the same length as her arm . She unfolded the clumsy scissors and cut the threads . She found safety pins in one of the tiny compartments near the spools of finer threads and the buttons . Folding the embroidery floss in half and tying a loop knot , she threaded the loop onto a safety pin . Sitting cross - legged on the bedroom floor , Lavinia began tying knots in the thread . Her hands flew and a pattern began to form from the tiny knots . She continued to hum as she worked . When her neck began to ache she moved up onto the bed . With on foot propped up on the other knee , she worked fastidiously . A polite knock on the door wasn 't quite enough to break Lavinia 's trance . Her father came into the room and watched her at work for a minute or so before commenting . " What 's that you 're making ? " Without looking up from her work she replied , " A friendship bracelet . Like the one I bought on vacation last summer . " Her humming never ceased and words soon made their way into the tune . " What vacation ? And what is that you 're humming ? " He sat on the edge of the bed directly in her line of vision . In doing so , he gained Lavinia 's full attention and awareness . She sat up and hit her head on the ceiling , again . Rubbing the fresh bump on her forehead , she stared at him for a moment , but it wasn 't who she expected to see . She remembered going on vacation with her mother , father , and sister . She remembered going into the little shop and seeing a complex friendship bracelet . There were two . She and Anna had each gotten one . She remembered them , but he wasn 't anywhere in the picture . Her father was staring at her waiting for her to answer him . He got tired of waiting and said , " The last summer vacation we went on was when you were a toddler . Where did you hear that music ? What … have you started to remember … " He appeared frustrated . It didn 't make sense . He pleaded for answers from her with a hurt look on his face . She didn 't know what to tell him . " The music , it 's from a band we went to see in New York . " She then arrived at the first logical conclusion . " The people who … who took me . It must have been with them . " The pained look on her father 's face dissipated a little , but there was still a line of tension in his jaw , like he was clenching his teeth . He had to leave the room to escape from her prying eyes . She knew it was because he didn 't want her to see how much she 'd hurt him . But it was too late . She unpinned the bracelet , pricking the skin on her thumb again , deeply this time . A drop of blood squeezed through the tiny hole and soaked into the half - finished bracelet . She threw the pile of thread across the room . Alone , Lavinia collapsed against the pillows on the bed . She sighed deeply and blinked back tears of frustration . It was a wasted effort as the salty streams broke new ground on her feverish cheeks . Counting to ten didn 't work either ; the sobs came anyway . The only thing that helped was rolling on her stomach and punching the pillow . She was too afraid to let out a muffled scream . Her energy quickly fizzled and the pain returned to her head , radiating from where she 'd bumped it , several times now . A cold clammy hand reached up to feel her forehead . Exhausted , she gave up . She couldn 't think or try to remember anymore . It was only making things worse . She may not remember her parents but she didn 't want to hurt them with these absurd recollections . Lavinia decided to begin afresh . She wouldn 't mention anything else that came back to her from now on . Nothing . She 'd learn how to be their little girl again . She was determined . The pain in her head grew worse and worse , blocking out all other thoughts . The light of the lamp was like a flood light pointing directly into her eyes . She closed them and rubbed the lids with her palms . Finally , she slept with her arm thrown over her eyes , blocking out the world . Lavinia dreamt . She saw the same girl in this dream as before , the one called Anna . " Hurry up , Gwen . We 're always waiting for you , " the girl said . She slammed the door to a bedroom , her room . Her favorite posters were on the walls , her clothes hung in the closet . A duffel bag lay open on the bed . She shoved the sweater she was holding on top of the pile that was already packed . She grabbed the closest book off the shelf and her mp3 player and hoped it was charged . " Gwendolyn , get down here . Everyone 's ready , " a female voice shrieked . " I 'm coming ! ! " she shouted back . As she went down the stairs she let the duffel bag drop heavily on each and every step . " Drop the attitude , Gwen . You 've done it to yourself . You alone control how long you take to get ready . Betsy , are you sure you locked the house ? " a man said as he picked up the bag and hurled it into the empty space in the trunk of the car . The lecture didn 't cease as they piled into the car and clicked their seat belts into place . It was the same lecture she 'd heard a thousand times before . She mouthed the words she knew he was saying as she plugged her ears with her headphones and turned up the volume on the mp3 player ; just loud enough so she couldn 't make out what he was saying , but quiet enough to know he was still talking and when a response was required . She stared out of the window as the car moved from main streets to the small highway . Lost in the hypnotic rhythm of the music and gazing at the guardrail , she faintly heard the squeal of the tires and felt the jerk of the seat belt as it held her fast to her seat . Rolling , rolling , the guardrail and the road were upside - down and visible through a veil of trees . Broken glass from the window cut at her face before falling to the ceiling like ice chips . Anna was moaning to her left and bled heavily from her head where the window had left a deep gash . Her mother was passed out in the front seat , cut up , bleeding and with her arm bent at an awkward angle . Her father was lost in a cloud of deployed airbag . Unbuckling the seat belt , she fell to the ceiling , or was it the ground ? She was dizzy and disoriented , but managed to force the door open and crawled out onto a muddy patch next to a tree . She mumbled something about getting help before stumbling up the incline back towards the road . There hadn 't been very many cars on the highway that early in the morning . She tried to call out to anybody going by but couldn 't even remember where she was . Just ahead of her , a car pulled off to the side and barely managed to come to a full stop before a woman leapt from the passenger side door . " Lavinia ! " the woman cried , rushing to her side . " I knew we 'd find you . Oh my God , you 're hurt . James , we have to take her to the hospital , quick ! Come on Nia , get in the car . " She was too disoriented to resist . The back door of the car opened and the woman tried to ease her onto the seat . Suddenly , she came alive . The trance she 'd been under was gone . " You 're not my mother ! " she shouted . She threw her arms up and tried to hit and kick the woman but was forced into the car all the same . She screamed and struggled in vain . No one came to her aid . A hand shook her awake . Gwen screamed and backed away from the woman who 'd abducted her . " Lavinia , what 's wrong ? Is it a nightmare ? Did you see the people who took you ? Who are they ? I promise you , we 'll find them . " Gwen shook her head and backed away on the bed but came up against the wall . The low ceiling brushed the hair on the top of her head . " You took me . You … kidnapped me , " she muttered repeatedly . The look on the woman 's face was some combination of confusion , shock , and fear , the look a mother would have if her child had smacked her across the face . But Gwen didn 't care about this woman any longer . " Lavinia , what are you talking about ? We didn 't … " " My name is Gwen . Gwendolyn … not Lavinia . I 'm not your daughter ! " She made a leap off the bed past her kidnapper and landed on her knees . Ignoring the sudden , sharp pain in her legs , she crawled to the stairs and scrambled down . It took only a moment to get herself down the stairs , but Gwen was already outside and sprinting down the street . Where had everyone gone ? It was the middle of the day . There was a blue sedan moving down the street when she turned . Gwen ran up to the driver 's window and pounded on the glass . The man driving stopped and rolled the window down . He put his arm up and leaned out to see what the terrified teenager wanted . She gasped for breath and grabbed the man 's arm , wrinkling his suit . She couldn 't get the words out now that she had someone 's attention . " Lavinia , " Lucia cried , no longer trying to comprehend the situation . She approached the car with her eyes on the girl . " This is absurd . Get back in the house . " A smile spread across her face when she saw the man in the car . " Nia , let Detective Johnson pull into the driveway . You 're blocking the street . " Gwen 's words came back to her all at once . She held on to his arm tighter and was so desperate she pulled it out of the window up to his shoulder . " You 've got to help me . She 's not my mother . They kidnapped me . The … the people on the evening news ; they 're my family . Not these people . I 'm not their daughter . Help me , please . " The detective looked at Lucia smiling down at him , nodded and returned the smile before reaching over and giving Gwen 's hand a squeeze . Gwen looked into his eyes as they turned back to her and knew she was safe . This man would be able to handle Lucia 's irrational and erratic behavior . She let go of his arm and stood back from the car . As she walked into the driveway she made sure she kept the car and Detective Johnson between her and Lucia . " I just knew you would come here to check up on Lavinia . As you can see she 's coming along . When we first picked her up she couldn 't remember a thing . " Lucia spoke with the detective as she took his arm and led him into the house . Gwen stared after them as Lucia opened the door . Detective Johnson gave her a little nod and beckoned Gwen to follow them inside . It took all that was in her to go back in that house , but she trusted the detective . He was the only one she had to rely on . Inside Lucia was already making jokes about doughnuts and brewing a fresh pot of coffee for the detective who was seated at the kitchen table , fingering a thick folder he 'd carried in with him . Gwen sat beside the detective , and as far away from Lucia as possible . By now Gwen knew only that Lucia was delusional if not completely crazy and she feared what the unstable woman might do . The detective looked strong and Gwen knew that he could overpower Lucia , if it came to that . " I know we should have brought her to your headquarters when we picked her up , but she was hurt so we took her straight to the hospital . After that I didn 't see the point of turning around again and driving all the way back to the city . Besides , the doctors said she had amnesia and when we realized that meant she couldn 't tell us anything about the people who took her … It just seemed pointless . But she 's started remembering things now , about the people who took her that is . I meant to give you a call , later this evening , " Lucia poured coffee into three mugs and handed one to each of them . The detective gulped his down in a few seconds . " Of course . It 's right through the hall over there . " Lucia pointed then went back to quietly sipping from her own steaming mug . She made a displeased face and reached for the sugar bowl . " Lavinia , what 's the matter ? Is your coffee bitter too ? Add a little sugar and drink your coffee before it gets cold . " Gwen was lost in the absence of the detective . She took the mug and blew on it before setting it down again , untouched . The smell made her want to vomit . She focused on the folder beside her on the table . She looked closely at the handwritten name on the cover . Sherman , Lavinia Helen . A red stamped CLOSED slanted across the name . " Nia , don 't look at things that don 't belong to you , " Lucia snapped at Gwen . " And for Pete 's sake , drink your coffee . It 's hazelnut , your favorite flavor . I 'm sorry if it 's a little on the strong side but cream and sugar should fix that . " " Now Nia , don 't be silly . Even when you were little you drank coffee . When you were young you used to sneak sips from our mugs when we weren 't looking . We gave you your own little cup for Christmas when you were five . We 'd given up trying to get you to stop and settled for giving you decaf . I can 't believe you don 't remember . " " This is Lavinia . She 's been found after seven years . " There was no doubt left in their minds . Lucia truly believed that Gwen was Lavinia . The detective opened the folder and took out the pile of papers . " Mrs . Sherman , " Johnson began slowly . " My call , last week … we found something about Lavinia . It 's why we wanted you and your husband to come down to the station . By the way , where is your husband ? " Lucia had put her mug down and was running her finger around the rim . " James went to the store to pick up some milk . He should be back any minute . Wait , I don 't understand . Lavinia is doing fine . She 's right here . Do you want to interview her about the people who took her ? Nia tell Detective Johnson about what you 've remembered so far . If you want me to leave the room , I will , though I don 't think it 's necessary . I 'll try my best to keep from commenting until you 're done . " Gwen looked desperately at the detective . She hoped it would start going better real soon . She wanted to get home . Now that she remembered who she was and where she belonged , Gwen wanted to get back . She wanted to apologize for everything from having acted like a brat to letting herself get kidnapped so easily and actively trying to become someone else . She knew most of her guilt was unreasonable and tried to redirect it towards the woman sitting on the other side of the table . " Well , actually … I think that there 's been a mistake . You see , we wanted you two to come down to the station because … we received a report about some , remains , found by a hiker about two weeks ago . The only way we were able to identify the remains was by going through the open case data bases for the surrounding area from the past decade . " The detective paused and looked down at his cell phone , vibrating quietly on his belt . He flipped it open , pushed a few buttons and snapped it shut . Lucia still hadn 't grasped what he was trying to tell her . He went on . " Mrs . Sherman , I didn 't want to tell you over the phone that we 'd found your daughter 's remains but since you didn 't show up at the station for our appointment , I was sent out to tell you . I 'm sorry that it took so long to find her , but whoever took her … kept her alive for at least a year . The body was too … far gone , to be able to tell much but we don 't believe that she was tortured . There were things done … to the body , but they appear to all have been done post - mortem . She didn 't suffer … At least , not as much as … " He was beginning to fumble for words and kept looking out the window to the street in front of the house . He took the papers and held them out to Lucia . " It 's all here in the Medical Examiner 's report , if you wish to see it . " Of all the identification calls he 'd had to do , this one took the cake . He 'd seen people in shock but never anything like this . " I 'm not sure you want to look at those pictures , Mrs . Sherman , " Johnson warned when she arrived at the small stack of crime scene photos near the bottom of the pile . He couldn 't believe that he 'd left them in the folder . One hand reached out in an attempt to retrieve them but she brushed his hand away . Lucia plowed through the photos with determination . Gwen saw the look on the woman 's face as she examined the pictures . She felt sorry for this pitiful woman but wouldn 't let herself forget what her own mother must have been going through the last few days . She sat at the table waiting . She didn 't know what for anymore ; she just wanted to go home . Lucia finished with the papers and put them down on the table with a sense of finality . " Those aren 't pictures of my daughter , " she stated defiantly , as she stood up and walked around the table . She put her hands on Gwen 's shoulders . " This is my daughter . This is my Lavinia . Those are some other girl . My daughter is not a corpse . Her hands are right here , " she moved her hands down Gwen 's arms and held them up for the detective to see , like she was manipulating the arms of a large doll . " They 're right where they belong . " Gwen 's eyes pleaded for Johnson to stop what was happening but he seemed too shocked to do anything . Gwen felt abandoned by the detective . She closed her eyes and thought about her family , savoring each memory of them that she had worked so hard to get back . It would all be over soon . She 'd be home soon . A tear escaped from one of Gwen 's clenched eyes . Then Lucia put an arm abound Gwen 's shoulders and pulled her close . " My daughter is not dead , " she said again firmly . " She 's right here . " " Mrs . Sherman , " he said quietly , calmly , composed . " I understand that this is difficult to accept , but we used your daughter 's old dental records . " He had to make her see what she had done . But he had to be gentle with it . The slightest thing could send the woman further over the edge . He had his eyes on the girl 's , trying to reassure her . She wouldn 't look at him so he turned to the grieving mother . " These match the teeth from the remains we found two weeks ago . The girl we found is Lavinia . " Gwen heard a few car doors slam outside and footsteps rushing towards the house . " Ma ' am , " Johnson began . " This is not your daughter . I 'm afraid I must ask you to let the girl go . The house is surrounded . Please , let her go . No one wants to hurt you . We 'll work something out , but first you have to let her go . " Gwen looked the woman in the eyes . A wave of pity washed over her . " I 'm sorry , " she whispered . She wasn 't sure that she could do it . The woman 's hopes and dreams , everything she lived for and fought for over the last seven years rested in Lavinia . Gwen felt that she was the only one who Lucia would listen to . " I 'm not your daughter . " Tears streamed silently down Lucia 's cheeks but her heart continued to hope even if her mind was wrestling to reestablish the truth she 'd built up in the last few days . " My name is Gwendolyn West . I 'm sorry about Lavinia , but please … let me go . " Lucia broke down sobbing and clutched at Gwen . She kept saying her daughter 's name , over and over between sobs . Gwendolyn put her arms around the woman and just let her cry . The police officers led Mrs . Sherman out to the waiting cruisers . She was subdued and most of her tears had dried up . All that remained was the blank and indifferent look on her face as one of the officers forced her head down to enter the back seat of the car . " You can always say something at the trial or try talking to the D . A . It couldn 't hurt . " He smiled and went on to talk to her parents . Gwen found it hard to deal with knowing she 'd been the one to break the string that had held the poor woman 's hopes . She had plenty of obstacles ahead of her though , now that she was back where she belonged . Another car pulled onto the street and into the driveway . The police had handcuffs on him before James Sherman had stepped out of the car . Two gallons of milk and a box of cereal were left behind in a paper bag on the back seat . The police led him to a different cruiser while reading him his rights . Detective Johnson sat shotgun as they pulled away from the unusually active house . He turned to his detainee and asked , " Why 'd you do it ? You had to know she wasn 't your kid . " Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :

So , a friend that I was discussing lest weeks post with had , what might be , a really good idea . He suggested that I should start forcing my writing into different genres . I write a lot of stories where monsters happen , I should start writing something different . I like this idea . I am going to give it a try next month . Now , if you have an opinion , please feel free to share it . This weeks story was testing using the Hemingway Editor that Jon Jefferson suggested . I love this site . It is easy to use and catches passive voice , which is something I am horrible at finding . If the writing on here does improve , we all have Jon to thank for it . He spent four hours trying to get some attention from any of them . He knew it would be hard , being a little older than they were . Now that they were college girls , five years shouldn 't have mattered . He believed that they should view him as worldly . The blonde turned to look at him and her eyes bulged . Her mouth puckered and twisted . Her nose flared with her effort not to laugh out loud at him as she lifted her eyes up to his . " No . No thank you . " He narrowed his eyes and his lip pulled back from his teeth a little bit . It was all he could do to keep from snarling at her . To keep from lashing out . " You been doing that all night . Ain 't no girl liking it . I had one complaint and you was looking at her like you meant to do something stupid . Time to go . " The bouncer was at least six inches taller than Thomas and about fifty pounds heavier . Thomas thought he had a shot , but then he noticed two other bouncers walking up . He wasn 't so sure about three , so he nodded and turned to leave . The blonde was standing beside the door talking to some preppy guy with his collar turned up . As Thomas walked past he heard her say . " I 'm Clare Ames . Nice to meet you . " " I doubt that . " Thomas stood and pulled off his shirt . He stepped up to the mirror and took a long look at himself . " Time to show Clair who is a loser and who isn 't . " He turned to his open window and jumped towards it . The cat sat down and watched as the people did their thing . Every now and then , it would nod when she made a loud noise or changed positions . It didn 't take long , maybe five or six minutes all together , before they split apart and the guy started putting his clothes back on . Thomas didn 't move . He sat , naked and cross - legged , where the cat had been a moment earlier . He took a deep breath and sighed . Revenge wasn 't his answer . There was a soft sound in the clearing and Clare sat up . She looked around , and then reached into the pile of clothes above her head to grab her phone . She clicked on the flashlight , and a pair of amber eyes reflected its light back at her . The cat meowed once , then turned and darted away from the clearing . Clair turned her phone off and stretched back out . " Yeah , " she said . " Everyone else leaves me alone out here . Why don 't you just leave too . " He was speeding towards the highway , wondering if he would get back in time to order a pizza , when an owl came in the passenger window . Talons sank into his arm and wings smacked his face . He took his hands off the wheel , trying to cover his eyes while screaming and swatting at the bird . I submitted a flash fiction piece to Freeze Frame Fiction and it was rejected . The letter I received was one of the best rejections I have ever received . Freeze Frame included a few of their slush reader 's comments . This brings up a few things that have been bothering me recently . One , this is one of the only finished pieces that I have for this year . I am working on editing a couple of stories , but I haven 't been writing enough new stuff . Can 't make it without writing it . I have to start finishing more of what I start . Now , this is something that only I can address . I can 't ask for help and I have to buckle down and be a professional . I need to get off my ass . In that spirit , I did just finish a new short that I will be submitting this week . The other thing was the content of the comments . Tired , overdone , not tight enough and forced were all words that were used . After reading the pieces that they accepted for their inaugural issue , I have to agree . My piece wasn 't up to par . But how do I address this ? I post stories on this blog as a way to practice and try to foster a positive work habit . It is an exercise . I would appreciate comments from anyone with an idea . I don 't need words of praise or a pep talk . It isn 't a matter of being down on my work . This is an issue of not knowing the best way to proceed from here . I can see the gap between my work and the selected works , but I don 't know how to get off the plateau that I think I have hit . If you have any ideas for someone who can 't afford to take writing classes at this time , I would love to hear them . Today 's story is an older one . One that has been submitted a few places but never accepted . It has holes , but I think it is better than what I had . The piece I was trying to write for today just came out like sludge . It isn 't good , it isn 't interesting and it doesn 't deliver any punch at all . Lackluster is the only word I can think of to describe it . Therefore , it gets thrown into the bin . We stood there looking at it with our mouths hanging open . Considering how long we stood there , every one of us should have choked on a fly . Stunned by the beauty , complexity and sheer size of it ; not one of us could have formed a coherent thought ; we just stood in silent amazement . Staring as our lights glinted off of the smooth surfaces of the prize we had discovered . Neither Indiana Jones nor Benjamin Franklin Gates had anything on us . We had found the clues . We had made the connections and we had surrendered jobs , family , money , blood , sweat and tears to stand here . In a sense we had given our lives to be here . We were in a room that was hundreds of feet tall and hidden below a little church in Greece . We were about three quarters of the way down the wall on a stone platform . The church was old and said to have been built on top of the site of an ancient shrine . The tunnel we had used to get here had been a carved spiral staircase that was connected to a crypt in the cemetery beside the Church . The platform had been carved out of the rock as the chamber had been cleared , a polished nightstand for a sleeping giant . There were a variety of metal bands laid into the floor and wall , forming an intricate pattern that looked similar to a modern circuit board . The clockwork angel was enormous and made of something that looked like bronze . It knelt on the ground as if in a silent prayer . Spider webs as thick as a down comforter stretched over it , almost as if the arachnids had tried to hide this marvelous work of art . The other three looked at me with a mix of confusion and surprise . They had been in such awe of what we saw that it was as if they had forgotten what we planned to do in coming here . In an instant their confusion was replaced with excitement and anticipation . This was what we were here for . Each of us pulled out our key and began looking for its lock . I looked at the tiny thing in my hand . An intricate metal disc with ancient writing carved into it . I had found this in a flea market in Indiana almost ten years ago . It was the pendant in a necklace that consisted of a leather thong that someone had threaded through one of the holes in the top . The seller had said he found it in a storage unit when he had cleaned it out . I gave the guy two bucks for it and started trying to figure out what the symbols were . From the moment I had looked at them I had thought that they were more than just pretty squiggles . So much time had been spent looking before I discovered that they were written in what was supposed to be Olympian . The Greeks had believed that their gods lived on Olympus . What almost nobody knew was that they had their own language that was unique from ancient Greek . After years of searching , I had stumbled across a book that told of an ancient medium that had been given the language . His book had proved to be difficult to find . After months of searching I had discovered that the only known copy was in a university museum in France . While I was there trying to decipher the disc I had met Paul , the owner of another key . Paul 's family had been collectors of old crap for generations . I was looking for other old books when he saw my necklace . The discovery of the second puzzle piece had kept me going when I had been ready to give up . Over the years we had met Sam and then Emily . Each key held more clues to the nature of our quest . We continued researching for years with little success until about six months ago when Emily had found our breakthrough . The old map had named this hill the Daemons Perch . Now I was here with the owners of the other three discs . We had pieced the riddles and clues together to get here . Each key was unique , meaning that there would be four places to put them on this platform to trigger the machine . According to what we had translated from the keys this was the daemon of hope ; a gift from Hephaestus , the Greek god of the forge , to his people centuries ago . I was following one of the metal bands set into the wall when Sam found the first of the key holes . There was a slot in the floor that separated one of the metal bands . Beside it was an inset metal plate with an etching of my disk . We all helped him to wipe the dust and grime away from the spot . Once the crack was cleaned out I slipped the disk in and heard a click as it fit into place . There wasn 't any of the key above the floor for me to get a grip on if I tried to remove it . Just like that , it was gone . Sam 's key was the last and he smiled at all of us as he dropped it into place . After a moment or two of nothing happening a low vibration could be felt in the floor . There was a hum in the air that sounded like electricity in an old radio . Another minute and we could see the metal bands beginning to glow . We were all standing at the edge of the platform . The others started shinning their lights around to see what else was changing but I decided to turn mine off and get a better look at the glowing symbols . As I peered into the darkness I could see the glow spreading along the metal bands that had been set into the walls . It was like watching water run down a window . The light crawled around and down the walls . As the minutes passed I moved to the wall to get a better look at the bands while the others stayed near the edge , watching as the light reached its way down to the angel . The bands in the walls were covered in the same cryptic writing that the disks had been . The symbols themselves were glowing brighter than the rest of the metal . I pulled a notebook out of my pocket and started to make a rubbing of one of the bands when we heard the shrieking of metal rubbing against metal and I dropped the paper from hands now slack with wonder . I joined the others at the edge but was driven back by great jets of steam that sprayed up as the angel began to awaken . Grinding metal and clicking gears produced a deafening cacophony that could be compared to hundreds of railroad cars all crashing together . How the other three stayed at the edge of the platform I will never know , but I was pinned flat beside the entrance to the stairs as if I had been crucified right there on there that wall . The great thing began to rise up . A single glowing symbol , Omega , stood out from the center of its massive forehead . As the magnificent winged machine stood the plates that made up its surface shifted , as if a shiver had caused goose flesh to spread across its skin . At every joint , great wheels and gears could be seen moving against one another . Springs , as small as my arm and as great as a bus , joined to the feathers of its wings to make hundreds of different angles to catch the winds . Everything about the giant was beautiful . The glowing light of the chamber even caused glinting lights to dance across the angels lines like lightning in a summer sky . It stood straight , placing the platform at waist level . Wind and dust and great sheets of spider web buffeted us as the wings twitched a little . Watching this , you would have sworn that it was preparing to spread them out to fly . The mystic glow kissed its wings , sending a kaleidoscope of lights around the room . I was mesmerized to the point of paralysis . So fixed that I had forgotten to even breathe ; gasping for air when my body demanded it . Sam broke from his stupor at the edge of the platform and had the presence of mind to raise his camera and start snapping photos . The flash reflected off the angel and then again off the bands in the walls . The great head creaked and groaned as it turned to look down upon the platform where we stood . The angel bent its knees to lower its great head closer to us . The idea of having this bronze titan looking down upon us was as terrifying as it was inspirational . After all these years we were face to face with a machine of legendary stature . This moment was humbling in a way that was beyond description . It took a few seconds but then the moment was gone and the titan stood straight again . With one smooth and terrible motion the clockwork marvel raised its right hand up above the platform and swatted down like it was trying to kill a fly . To it , we may well have seemed like flies , there is no way to know , but in the second that it took for the monstrous mechanical marvel to slap the platform we were on Sam turned and looked at me in shock , not fear , but shock . I saw his face and realized what was happening with just enough time to take a step along the wall so that I stood in front of the doorway . One step in that one second was all the time that any of us had . The gigantic hand hit the stone and knocked most of it off of the wall . My companions did no more than start to raise their voices before the sound was stopped and replaced by what could sounded like the god 's hammer breaking a stone . I was deafened by the noise and thrown backwards by the force of the blow . I hit the stairs and felt a single sharp blast of pain shoot down my legs before I felt nothing in them at all . I could see the odd angle between my knee and ankle . A bend in the leg where there was no joint but at that moment it didn 't matter . I was much too concerned with looking out at the metal monster that had just squashed my companions . The angel didn 't seem to notice me so I drug myself the few feet to the edge of the doorway where the platform had just been . I could not stand so I lay down on the floor and turned to look up at the beast without poking my head out of the door . My fear was that it had seen me evade it but I had nothing to worry about . It did not bother to look back down ; instead , it turned to look up the shaft . I watched in morbid fascination as it took hand holds on the other side of the chamber and began to climb towards the surface . When I at last saw the light seeping in around the edges of the door at the top of the stairs I began to cry . A new burst of energy pushed through me and I struggled up the last of the steps . I drug myself out of the old crypt and thanked god when I saw the rising sun . We had broken into the crypt at night to try and avoid detection which meant that it had taken me all night to climb out of that hole . I pulled my way to the edge of the cemetery and propped my back against a stone so that I might see the town where we had rented rooms . What I saw though was smoke and rubble . A few small fires burned in what had been the village but now there was nothing to speak of . Standing in the middle of that tiny hamlet was the angel . The clockwork beast towered over the remnants of the little town . It looked around as though it had lost a pen on the floor before its head to the side as though listening . The great bronze monstrosity drew its fist back and punched the ground . The strike came down with such force that it made ripples on the surface of a puddle a short distance away . Whatever , or whoever , it had heard was no more . It spread those unbelievable wings and beat down with them . The force of the gale that those wings created was so strong that I felt it in my hair despite the distance that separated us . Rubble and what looked like bodies flew out in a great rolling cloud as the angel 's wing beats did the impossible and lifted its massive frame into the air . The sun reflecting off of it was blinding to the point that I had to close and shield my eyes . A moment later the glare was gone and I could look at the thing as it raised high into the air before flying to the east ; towards the next closest town . I sat there in shock at what we had done . The machine that was supposed to be the angel of hope from an ancient Greek god was now destroying everything in its path . I looked in brainless fascination at my bloody pant leg for few minutes before I realized that my blood was still leaking out . I had no idea how much blood I had lost and was too tired to care . I knew that my actions had caused this destruction . That I was responsible for all the lives which that thing would take before someone destroyed it . I was getting cold . I felt like I had been out camping in the morning frost . The last thing I thought before a sleepy darkness claimed me was that the symbol on the angel had been appropriate in its irony . Omega was the end . Now , I am a big fan of xkcd . I have shared some of the comics on here before . I am also a big fan of the science questions , so having just found this , because I hadn 't been doing anything except reading the comic , was a big bonus . However , this particular question is really good considering its relationship with writing . P . S . There is a link at the top of the page where they are releasing a what if book . If you enjoy the site , you should look into getting a copy once it is released . My wife and I just started watching season two of Hemlock Grove , a paranormal drama from Netflix . I have to recommend this . The show is well done , there is good acting and in most cases , it trumps any werewolf or vampire movie you want to watch . No , it doesn 't beat them all , there are a few that do a really good job , but in truth , those seem to be few and far between . On the writing front , I am editing three different things at the same time and plotting two more stories . This is frying my brain in new and unusual ways . I don 't enjoy editing . I am happy to make revisions , but editing is my bane . I love my editors for taking the time to tell me what to fix so that you guys will enjoy the story more . A week later , he was in this maze of hallways and offices . Martin was covered in small wounds and bruises . He was naked and grimy , with blood splattered all over him . He was sure something was in this place with him . Martin had heard a strange whistle a couple of time , followed by screaming and some gigantic wild beast roaring or howling . He didn 't know what made that noise and he was sure he did not want to find out . Until they saw the blood . Then , they would look at him with wide , terrified eyes . They would stand still , mouth open , and then every single one would ran away . He didn 't want to be alone , but after chasing and losing a few of them , he would just let them run . Every time he stopped chasing them , he would hear the whistle . Every time he heard the whistle , he would pass out . When he woke up , Martin would find himself alone . Most of the time , there was also a slick smear of blood somewhere in the room with him . A door , almost in the opposite corner of the room opened , and a beautiful woman with dark red skin walked in . She was wounded and covered in blood and gore like he was , but she did not look afraid . She looked at him , and for a minute , Martin wondered if she was crazy . She looked at him like a piece of meat . He watched her drop onto her hands and knees , facing him . He started to ask what she was doing , but his voice failed him when she grunted in pain . A ripple in the muscles on her back ran down her arms to her wrists before the skin on her knuckles split and she howled at him . He sat in the corner , shivering , as he watched a creature out of his childhood nightmares tear its way out of the woman . It rolled on the ground , whimpering and whining , and Martin started to lean forward , as if he might be able to help it stop the pain . Then he heard another whistle . It was deeper and felt like his bones began to vibrate while it played . As a memory of hearing it before tried to reach him , his own skin began to split and fall off his hands . Searing pain shot through him as the skin peeled away , revealing thick , wet , dark fur . We went to Midian , a new camp ground and festival area between Bloomington and Bedford Indiana . Midian is owned by a group of our friends and after just two months , was rented out for a major festival . After talking to them about that success , they mentioned having a pitch in dinner with a few fireworks on the fourth and then a clean up day for the grounds on the fifth . We got there and everyone was sitting around , taking it easy on Friday . Saturday would be the work day , but not the 4th . So , I set up the smoker , helped put up some playground equipment for all the kids that showed up and pitched a tent . As the evening went on , I ended up cooking a whole lot more meat that I had figured I would . We had brought ribs and whole chickens , but others brought in sausages and brats and hot dogs that I smoked as well . These were all a first and to my surprise , they turned out very well . The fireworks that had been donated were amazing . There was a whole lot more than fountains and roman candles . There were a bunch of the big mortar shells and the show ended up being competitive with any of the professional shows I have seen in my area . Then , we got serious with our fun . The fire tenders lit the main fire and I joined the drummers . People danced around the flame , kids included , until the little ones went to bed . We kept playing and dancing into the night and everyone had a blast . The next day , my wife and I started cleaning out the area we camped in . We removed stumps , pulled weeds , cut down small trees and dug up rocks . By the time we called it a day , our brush pile was close to four feet tall . I don 't know how you celebrated your holiday , but mine turned out to be wonderful . We accomplished something useful and got to spend time with our friends . My boys made new friends and were happy to have given up their electronics and AC . The trick will be to get them to do the same thing at home . The festival was huge , one of the largest she had ever attended . There were so many new faces in the crowd that Nancy lost track of names . For every dozen new people she met , there were two dozen that she only saw walking by . There were far too many people to get to know in a single weekend . As Nancy went by , she watched the crowd . She would smile and wave at old friends or reach out and beckon new ones to join her in her dance . When she saw the slender brunette she stumbled , shocked by the intensity of her stare . Nancy recovered and continued around , looking for the woman as soon as she was around the fire . The ghost of a girl , pale and tall with hair so blonde that is was almost white , stared at her with a hungry expression that reminded Nancy of a man who wanted to be alone with her . The woman was full of desire and her eyes blazed with longing . " Warm me up ? " The woman 's voice was soft and a little scratchy . It sounded like she was a heavy smoker who lived by drinking straight bourbon for years . The pain was sudden and sharp . Nancy tried to jerk away as she said , " Ow . Don 't bite , " but when she pulled backwards , the woman 's arms tightened , crushing the air from her lungs . She watched the beautiful woman drop the fire tender before turning around . Nancy saw the wide , red , stripe that ran down the woman 's face and neck to roll over her breasts and stain the front of her dress . The woman hissed and disappeared from Nancy 's line of sight . Her eyes moved , and the shrinking tunnel focused on the vacant stare of the fire tender . His mouth was moving , reminding her of a fish out of water that was trying to catch its breath . There was a red mess below his chin , but the fire must have finished going out because Nancy couldn 't see him through the darkness any more . That said , I do have quite a bit of writing done . I am almost half way through the final edit of my first book . This is a modern fantasy story with wizards and monsters living in the world today . My working title is Double Occupancy . Once I finish the editing , I will be submitting this to agents and trying to find representation . Wish me luck . I have also submitted a handful of stories to a number of different places and I am waiting to see if any of them will be accepted . One of them , a pre - colonial Native American 's and Cthulhu story , has been accepted and I am waiting to get the marked up copy from the editors . I will wait to announce it fully until we are closer to publication . I love working with editors . I have heard of other writers who go on tilt when someone marks up their submission . I don 't get this . The editor is there to help your work make more money . What part of this is a problem ? Dr . Martin sat a tiny digital recorder on the table between them and pressed the little green button . There wasn 't a sound , but the square display flashed and changed from its reflective black surface to a soft , dark grey with a single white line across it . The doctor cleared his throat , and the line spiked up and down at the sound . " This is Dr . Zackery Martin , interview tape 12 with patient Allen Black . " The movement of the display mapped the modulation of the voice it recorded . Spikes up and down showed that he was speaking in an even , steady voice . The flat line bounced up and down as the doctor made a variety of noises while shifting in his seat and adjusting his clip board . There was one final spike when he clicked his pen into writing position and then the line went flat . It remained that way while he looked at his subject . Neither said a word for at least a minute . " I will . " The voice that answered Dr . Martin was soft and deep . When he heard it , he always thought that it sounded very calming . The voice did not draw attention to the speaker and Dr . Martin assumed that it would be easy to miss in a crowd . He looked down at the recorder . As Allen spoke , the line would drop down below the mean , but it never spiked up . Dr . Martin had experimented with his recorder for hours after his first interview with Allen . For everyone he recorded , the voice would cause the line to move up and down , showing more than just volumn , but modulation . " We had laid the candles out in a large circle around the woman who was suspended above the well . She did not scream or cry , because she believed that we were about to make the world a better place . The all knelt , bending until their heads rested upon the earth . Once they were in place , I struck the triangle , signaling that they begin their chanting . " Dr . Martin started when Allen paused for breath . He looked down at his tablet and saw a strange symbol of curving lines and tiny circles that he had doodled . " What was the chant , " he asked , running his finger over the symbol . Dr . Martin felt a tiny shock where his finger traced the symbol . It was like he had just touched the doorknob after walking across the carpet . It was the same snapping sensation as he remembered from childhood . The doctor glanced at the recorder and his eyes widened . As Allen continued the chant , the modulation stopped moving at all . Dr . Martin had the sudden image of those words in the air , moving out of the room and down the hall rather than into the recorder .

The ' Q ' Factor Chapter 7 Three months later the group was still getting together even though Lidia had not come back since that night . Agnes struggled everyday trying not to think of her daughter . The one she let go for her own good now let her go when Agnes didn 't want to be let go . She worked harder with her patchwork making the best she could to place in shows . She did well with placing each time . The group was doing well as well . Amanda would come when she could and show us all the beautiful wall hangings she made for her thriving restaurant . Cindy had settled well into motherhood ; young Kathryn was keeping her busy every time they came with touching everything she could get her tiny adorable hands on . Another Tuesday night was upon Lidia . All she could do was think about Aggie and the group . It had been a few months since she walked out on her " mother " . She missed the group very much , but she couldn 't forgive Agnes for what she had done so long ago . Lidia found the confidence she had built up from the group soon disappeared . She was back to hiding her face behind cubicles at work . She started to wear sunglasses to hide her eyes . She didn 't want anyone to look into her soul through her eyes and see the pain she was feeling . It was bad enough to feel it on her own she didn 't want anyone else to feel her pain as well . After a week of wearing them she liked how she could hide from the world yet still are a part of it . She thought back to Sandy and wondered how she was doing in the home . She had heard the Tommy was happy with his adopted parents ; mind you he was still young just wait until he is old enough to understand , she wondered if anyone would tell him the truth . Lidia picked up the phone and asked for directory assistance a trip to the home would do her some good ; this might even help Sandy if she was still there . Sandy sat beside the window looking out at the raindrops that hit the window pain . The smile hid the sadness she felt inside . No one seemed to understand why she dreamed of her precious Nick . By keeping him in her dreams then he never left her site . He was always near her holding her kissing her pain away . Everyone even her friends thought she had lost her mind . Didn 't they know she knew Nick was gone forever ? She missed him so much so she chose to dream of him every night . In every dream he always looked handsome always smelled the same . He never aged or changed . Why was this so wrong of her to think of him like this ? " Mrs Camp someone is here to see you would you like to move to the lounge for your visitor ? " Jumping out of her daze she stood slowly beside the nurse . Lidia sat nervously twisting her hair something she had stopped for a longtime . But it helped her as she placed strands of hair around her finger and twisted until it hurt , and then she would start over . She looked up to see Sandy walking into the room ; " Would she remember me " she wondered . Sandy saw a woman who stood up and walked toward her to give her a hug . Sandy hadn 't been hugged in a longtime so backed off so this woman would know she didn 't care for hugs anymore . " Hi Sandy , do you remember me " ? The nurse sat her on the couch and Lidia sat beside her . Sandy stared at her as if to say " no I don 't think I know you " " My name is Lidia , I met you when you " Lidia stopped there she was being selfish and not thinking of Sandy . She may not want to hear Nick 's name mentioned . " I met you at the quilting group that Agnes ran in her home " When Sandy heard Agnes 's name she smiled knowing this name meant happiness from her past . Lidia felt the smile meant something good so she relaxed and sat back so she could be more comfortable with Sandy and their visit . " Sandy , how are you ? How have you been ? I have missed you not being with us at the group " Lidia didn 't have the heart to tell her that she wasn 't going anymore . That would have to wait until Sandy was better ; if she ever got better again . " How is everyone in the group Lidia ? " Sandy felt she knew more people than just Agnes . " Amanda how is she ? She belongs to the group if I remember rightly . " Lidia felt a smile come across her own face This must be a good sign she thought " She is doing well ; her restaurant is popular . She changed the name to ' The Q ' Factor ' she is fully booked most nights so she doesn 't come as much as she would like . She still finds time to make wall hanging quilts and has them in her restaurant " . Sandy felt a bit jealous knowing someone was happy when that was all she ever wanted . Her right hand started to play with her left wrist out of frustration Sandy found this helped her deal with whatever was happening that day . Lidia noticed she became fidgety ; then Lidia noticed she started scratching her arm and that 's when Lidia noticed Sandy had cuts on her wrists . " Sandy , what happened to you ? Are you okay ? " Sandy woke out of her daydream of Nick and Tommy and noticed Lidia was staring at her . She looked down to see the scars that now covered her wrists . Once again she could tell someone didn 't get what they meant to her . She wondered if Miss Lidia Summer knew REAL pain like Sandy did . Sandy found she hurt so much inside that one day she had to get all this pain out so she started to self - harm herself . This surprised Sandy ; not that she did it but more because she felt better every time she cut herself . She didn 't want to commit suicide she only wanted the pain to go away . The pain did go away on the inside anyway ; sometimes the pain would still be there only weaker . She never felt the pain on her wrist . Sandy was too numb to feel the pain on the outside that was why she tried to get the inside empty of pain . Lidia waited to hear from Sandy what had happened to her . Maybe someone attacked her , she knew Sandy had been through a lot but she never felt she would kill herself . " Sandy , I 'm waiting ; what happened . " After a long silence Sandy replied . " Lidia , have you ever had so much pain inside you ; pain that went deep into your soul that could never find its way out ? " " Because Lidia that is where I have been ; since I lost Nick , Yes I know he died Lidia since that horrible day the pain I have inside me as increased almost on an hourly bases . While I carried our child I couldn 't ache for my Nick , I couldn 't help but wonder what if ? Maybe I should have gone to work to pick him up ? I had found out that day that we were going to have our first child ; I was over the moon while I prepared a special meal for us . I had no idea he was going to take a walk after work . Thanks to someone else 's selfishness I 'm now without him . I have a son I can no longer see because they feel I 'm an unfit mother . I miss my son and my husband , one I can win back and one I can never have again . It is because of all of this that I feel the pain ; it 's because of this pain I try as hard as I can to get rid of this pain ; even if it isn 't how others would . It is how I would and have tried for a longtime now . " Lidia sat stunned ; she didn 't know what to say or to do next . A long silence filled the air when the nurse came over to let Lidia know it was time for Sandy 's medicine and then she needed some rest . Lidia looked at Sandy as the nurse helped her up and saw someone who had suffered so much ; someone who was still suffering now and probably will for the rest of her life . Lidia knew what she had to do . She said her good - byes As Sandy walked out of the room then Lidia went for a drive . Agnes sat at the kitchen table trying to have her diner when the door bell rung . She slowly walked to the door not sure if she felt like a visitor . As the door swung open Agnes began to cry . Lidia looked at her mother and began to cry as well . Agnes held her arms out hoping her daughter would want to be held by her mom . " Mom " , was all Agnes could hear as Lidia fell into her arms weeping . " Sweetie , I have missed you so . The two stood in the doorway crying and enjoying the comfort of a single most needed hug anyone could ever wish for . It seemed to take forever before the tears subsided . Then Lidia looked up into her mother 's eyes and whispered " I 'm sorry mom , please forgive me " Four months later with the group going strong another member joined this very special group . He was only a year old but He had a good teacher . Lidia went to court knowing how it felt to be adopted and raised by people who were never her parents . She applied for custody for Tommy Nicholas Camp . Lidia felt that when Sandy was ready to come home ( she felt that day would come ) then her son would be there for her to bring up as a mother should always do . Tommy loved being with the group playing with his tankers pretending they delivered milk to the stores . Lidia loved being his pretend mother . She knew one day Sandy would be back and healthy as ever ; for now she would fill her shoes . Four months later the group were laughing and enjoy their time making more quilts when Cindy stopped laughing . " Hey , guys she said , I have something to tell everyone " Everyone stopped laughing as well afraid more bad news was about to be told by her . " I 'm pregnant ! I 'm going to have a baby ! Isn 't that wonderful ! Everyone screamed with excitement . She was soon smothered with hugs and kisses . This was the best news the group had heard in so long . " How does Jack feel Cindy ? " Cindy was laughing and crying at the same time . " He is over the moon ; we 've been trying to have another baby for awhile but we wanted to wait until I was pregnant before I told you . I hope you don 't mind I didn 't tell you sooner " ? Lidia looked up from her block , " Cindy how pregnant are you ? " Cindy sat quiet for a few seconds and then whispered " five months " Then she couldn 't stop laughing . The group understood why she waited to say anything to them . Soon everyone was laughing again and crying for the joy this baby was sure to bring to Cindy and Jack . The months seem to fly by for everyone ; Cindy was due soon and looking ready to have her baby any day now . She was starting to feel nervous remembering how her last delivery had gone . No one wanted her to go through anything like that again . Tuesday night rolled around when Cindy was past her due date ; no one was worried other mothers - to - be have gone over . Thirty minutes into the night Cindy felt something happen . She looked down under - the - table and noticed that her waters had broken . Agnes could tell by the look on her face the time for this baby to be brought into the world had come . Everyone rushed around grabbing Cindy calling Jack and getting her to the hospital . Jack paced the floor waiting to go and help his wife deliver their unborn child . The doctor came and took Jack into the delivery room ; it was time to be the loving husband . An hour later Jack came in with the biggest smile on his face and told them they had a healthy baby boy . Agnes was in tears as was Lidia , Amanda , Lucy , and even Tommy started crying because he saw everyone else crying . Cindy sat up in bed nice and warm at home waiting for Jack to bring Jackson to her so she could feed him . No one told her how special this moment could be . She missed out the last time because of how things went . Cindy wouldn 't allow anyone to steal that away from her this time . Jack walked in carrying a bundle of blankets that held his son and handed him to her as he kissed his wife to let her know she meant the world to him . The joy of being a mother went deep for Cindy , knowing how special a life could be and could be lost in a blink of an eye . She told herself she would enjoy every moment while it lasted . Amanda stood in the foyer of her restaurant looking over the vast room that was all set and ready to go for the evenings dining guests . She felt almost complete ; there was something missing in her life . She has a restaurant that is becoming popular . But when she goes home at night and she is alone . She knew everyone in the group were happy . That was well overdue after so many tragedies that we felt . She did find one of the chef 's she hired seemed handsome to her ; she wondered if he would go out with her . Stuart had worked for Amanda about six months now . He was good at his work ( which she liked ) he lived close by on his own . He had soft blonde hair that he tied back every night he had to work . His blue eyes with his tanned skin made him an interest among the waitresses as well . Amanda decided she was going to ask him when he arrived in a few minutes . What did she have to lose ? The worst he could say was no . Lucy sat down at the table after dinner ; Edward needed to talk to her about his work . " Sweetheart , my boss called me into the office this afternoon . He offered me another position but this position is not here in Maine . It 's back in Arkansas " " what your joking right " " We just moved from there not long ago , why do they want you back there ? " " The manager there is taking sick leave and won 't be able to work again . They liked my work so they offered it to me " " So what would you like to do ? " I know it would mean moving back ; the bank will pay for this and a bonus because of the second move . I think I should take it ; the pay is an increase and a large one as well . I think I would be making a big mistake to turn this down . " Lucy sat in shock ; she knew his job meant moving a lot but back to the same branch ! After a long silence Lucy took hold of Edward 's hand . " I agree with you honey let 's do it . " Stuart arrived at the restaurant and placed his gear in the kitchen like he always did . Amanda was in the fridge waiting for him to come in and get some supplies . Stuart jumped as he turned the corner to take out the milk ; Amanda spoke to him asking how his day was . " Amanda , are you all right ? Hiding behind the door like that you frightened me " " Sorry Stuart I wanted to catch you before you started cooking the menu tonight for the first service . " Stuart looked at her with a question in his eyes . " How can I help you Amanda " " I was wondering if Friday night would you go to the club down the road with me ? " " Are you asking me out on a date Miss Amanda ? " A smile came over his lips at the thought she finally noticed him enough to ask something ; anything that had nothing to do with work . " Why Yes I would love to join you this Friday . " With a smile on her face as well she went out to start doing her part for the menu . Agnes waited for the group to arrive for their next session . They were working on a quilt as a team to place inside Amanda 's restaurant . Everyone started to arrive including Amanda . Agnes wondered how she swung this with her job keeping her so busy . Amanda walked past her gave her a kiss on the check and walked into the dining room . The atmosphere was full of electricity everyone knew something was going on with Amanda and Lucy . Lidia wouldn 't hold it back any longer she had to ask . " Who 's going to spill the beans first ? " Amanda looked at Lucy and Lucy looked back at Amanda . " Okay , said Lucy I will go first . I know we haven 't known each other for as long as the rest of you I feel like you 're a part of my family Edward was offered a manager 's position last week " everyone looked shocked but was happy for her and her family . " The thing that is the real kicker is its back at the branch were we moved from ! " Everyone stopped their work they were surprised . " How do you feel about this " asked Agnes . " The children are in shock ; Heather is blaming us again for moving her in the first place . Edward and I feel we should take this position . " " Then we 're happy for you . We will miss you but this is your life , not ours . " Then all eyes turned to Amanda waiting for her to share her news . " What , don 't look at me like that I 'm getting there guys ; All I wanted to say was that I met someone . Well I knew him already ; he works at " G Factor " he is one of the chef 's . His name is Stuart and we had our first date last Friday ! " Lidia looked at her ; all she could say was " FINALLY " with that everyone started to laugh . Lucy had tears welling up in her eyes . This was going to be the last time she would be with the quilting group . She was surprised the months went by so fast . She looked around the table and saw everyone was looking at her with tears as well . Amanda spoke up . " I have a wonderful idea . Let 's change the name of this group I think with so many changes happening a change would do us some good ; what does everyone think ? " Agnes being the teacher looked at her with shock and wonder in her eyes . " What would you suggest Amanda " Agnes felt tired after such a long day with the group . They did quilting all - day on a Saturday so they could send something for Lucy and her family . They had moved back six months ago and were missed by the " Q " Factor . She thought she must ring Lidia in the morning to come and pick up Tommy 's tankers ; they left in a hurry so they could make the movies and left them behind . Lidia was woken early Sunday morning by the phone . She knew her mom was going to ring ; she picked it up half asleep . Two minutes later Lidia dropped the phone . Amanda had gone to Aggie 's to have lunch with her . Aggie didn 't answer the phone so Amanda went to the back door that was unlocked and went in to make sure Aggie was all right . Amanda found her still in bed ; she had fallen asleep and never woke up . Lidia sat with Tommy in the church in the front row staring at her mother 's coffin . She felt robbed again ; someone had given her back to her and now she was taken away ; this time for a lifetime . This couldn 't happen ; Lidia forgot she was getting older it wasn 't like Aggie had not lived a life . Cindy and Jack with Jackson and Kathryn sat behind Lidia . Amanda and Stuart were next to them with tears streaming down Amanda 's face . Lucy had come back to be there as support for the " Q " Factor group ; the people she grew to love in such a short time . Lidia felt so alone now even though she knew she had Tommy ; this wouldn 't last Sandy would back someday to take her son back . Who would Lidia have then ? The " Q " Factor group stood up to carry their mentor to her last resting place . The coffin had the last quilt that Aggie had ever made tucked inside to keep her soul warm as she rest her fingers and her soul forever . The rain fell and tears continued for many months for Lidia . The group meet one last time to have a farewell party for Caleb , Lisa , Nick , and Aggie . As the sun set deep into the night Lidia closed her eyes seeing each person that had once belonged to the quilters group over the ten years she took part . She saw Agnes , the one who was her mentor and her mother , Nick the one who lost his love then found her again ; then through a twist of fate lost his own life . Then there was Cindy , who learned the hard way how it felt to lose someone who should have touched her life . Amanda : the dreamer of owning her own place found love and her own place to cook food . Lisa , the only one who cared about her health found out she had breast cancer that took her life soon after . Lucy she came to our group six months after Lisa died . She had a smile that lit up the room and made us all . Lucy came in and left so fast it was a shame she had to move so soon after arriving ; she did come back for Aggie s funeral her support will never be forgotten . Then there was Tommy he touched my life more than I could have ever imagined . Sandy got better and came back for her son . After six months she saw how he missed me his second mom . She brought him back knowing it was easier for everyone . She still comes and visits him every month . The loss of Agnes took a toll on all of us . We never met for quilting again the quilt we made as a family still hangs in the restaurant today forever loved . The ' Q ' Factor Chapter 6 Sandy Gave birth to a healthy baby boy just like she saw in her dream . She named him Tommy Nicholas Camp . Sandy stayed where she needed to be ; she still didn 't believe it to be totally true that Nick was gone ; she tried to believe it but every night in her dreams Nick came to her kissing her and holding her as he always did . The group went to see little Tommy when he was in the hospital waiting to be placed in foster care . They felt it was a shame he would never know his father but what made it worse was that his mother may never know he was real , alive and needing him . They took many photos of Tommy so they could always see this boy who looked so much like his father . They hoped one day Sandy would come home and have her son and see the photos of when he was a baby . Lidia was feeling excited again knowing the group was meeting that night . Aggie asked her if she could come an hour before everyone else so they could have that talk she promised a longtime ago . She wondered what it was all about . All she wanted to know was why she always called her " sweetie " It was surely not a big deal . Agnes opened the door for Lidia and had her sit on the couch next to her . Lidia noticed there were photos spread out on the table before her . She wondered how this could have anything to do with her . " Lidia , you asked me that night while looking at photos why I called you ' sweetie ' all the time . I think it 's time I told you the story behind that . " Lidia looked at Agnes in shock she looked so serious AND she called her by her real name ! " I 'm listening " " First let me ask you something ; do you remember your childhood ? " " Aggie what does my childhood got to do with this ? You 're not making sense " " just answer the question Lidia , do you remember your childhood ? " Lidia sat for a few moments . She always expected her past would come back to her one day but at this point she had no idea what had ever happened when she was young . " When you were a baby , I couldn 't take care of you . Your father wouldn 't help and you were sick all the time . So " sweetie I handed you over for adoption so a happy childless couple could take care of you . " While she spoke she bent over to the table and picked up two baby photos . The baby in one photo had a smile held in time on paper . " Is this baby me Agnes ? Are you saying that you 're my mother ? " Because if you are then why would you send me away ? " " I had no choice sweetie ; your father was a lot older than me I was only 16 when I had you . He was always out getting drunk all the time and then I found out he was with other women . He left for some young bimbo in the end . I couldn 't handle trying to take care of a baby ; your my Sweetie , I called you that the whole time I had you in my life . When I heard you were coming to the group I wasn 't sure I could handle having you so close without you knowing who I really was . Once I met you again I couldn 't tell you the truth , I was concerned you would walk away and never come back . We have lost a lot of people who mean a lot to us so I felt that you deserved to know the truth " . Lidia 's head was spinning why is she was telling me this now ? She thought . " I don 't care how much we 've been through she yelled at Agnes you shoulder NEVER given me up look how poor little Tommy has no mother or father and he may never know his mother ! Sandy can 't think for herself let alone a child but you ! You can and you should have ! I needed you ; if I were as sick as you say then I needed my mother to take care of me . You 're so weak to give up ! I can 't believe you gave up . You don 't give up on your quilts ! " " Sweetie that 's different " " STOP calling me that I HATE it " Lidia had had enough ; " I 'm leaving I can 't sit here and listen to anymore or act like things are okay because they 're not ! " Lidia slammed the door behind her feeling the tears build up and well out over her face . All she could think about was the loss she had for her entire life . Lucy liked the idea the bank paid for the movers to come in and do all of all the packing . She was ready for a change now that everyone got used to the idea . The sooner they moved and settled the better . She studied all about Maine on the internet so she knew the children would have decent schools to attend . This helped her feel more relaxed about moving them from their environment . They had two days left before they had to travel . Lucy made sure she let all her friends in her patchwork club know where to contact her just in case they were ever in the neighborhood . " Everyone , listen up , " I need to tell everyone something " Agnes stood up to get everyone 's attention . " I had a phone call last night from Lucy Bancroft . Her family is new to the area . She saw the ad I had in the paper about our quilting group . She would like to join us . She will be here next week . How does that sound ? " Everyone liked having new members ; the last time was Lidia several years ago . " Tell us a bit about her " " She 's married with three children ; she has been quilting for ten years . Her husband works for the bank . This is why they 're moving they needed him in a new branch " " Yes that 's right the bank is next door to MY restaurant " she yelled a bit too loud for everyone to hear . Everyone stared at her not knowing what she was talking about . " So much was going on at the time with Caleb and Lisa ; then Nick got married so I just figured I would wait for the right moment to tell everyone " Mr . " Turner liked my offer on " Petite " ! " " I take over in three weeks ! How exciting is that huh ! " The next thing Amanda knew she was covered in hugs and kisses . " This is so exciting Amanda ; we will have to celebrate next week when Lucy is here ; make it a real party night . A new week has begun ; Lidia was starting to feel excited again about the group meeting tomorrow night . A new member and a party to celebrate Amanda buy " Petite " . We have a lot to celebrate when I think about it thought Lidia . We have Sandy who comes with Nick because she says we make her feel at home when we are all together . Then there is Cindy and Jack ( Jack works long hours at the hospital ) but Cindy comes with young Kathryn , who plays with the material while we are sewing and talking ( I 'm sure she is a budding quilter in the making ) ! Amanda may not be at the group much now that she has her own restaurant ; she has promised to pop in every so often to say hello . Then there is Agnes ; she misses Lisa as all of us do but she does get up every day and smile while she thinks of all the fun times she had with her . Tuesday night and Lucy is feeling a bit nervous and excited about meeting the new quilting group she is hoping to be a part of . The children have settled in school ; Heather complained for about a week . That was until she met this dreamy boy ( she says ) and now she can 't get to school fast enough ! She reminded Lucy a lot of herself at that age . Justin found the boys at the new school a mystery . He had come home from school the other day telling Lucy how they like taking lots of toilet paper and placing it all over people 's yards . Lucy laughed saying this happened in her day as well and thought it had died a longtime ago ! Little Samantha or Sam we sometimes call her . Likes having new girls to play with everyday ; she likes her new room and talks about how she will place many of her art works up soon . Ed has settled at work as well ; he says the staffs there seems pleasant and friendly to work with . It seems everyone had something but I thought Lucy . She cleared the breakfast dishes so she could get everything sorted for the group tonight . She hoped that everyone there would be friendly and easy to talk too . She knew that they would be shy of her at first ; but Lucy hoped to change all that as quickly as possible . Agnes rushed all over the house trying to be sure she had enough seats and everything was set for tonight . She had no idea why she was nervous but made herself push through this and kept working . As far as she knew everyone would be there tonight so it should be a good night had by all . Agnes decided the group would only party for some of the night . She wanted Lucy to have some time to sit and share something about her and her family . Plus she wanted her to do some sewing so she would fit in quicker . Only time would tell how well Lucy fitted in with everyone . The group were easy people to talk too so Agnes didn 't see any major problems ahead . The first person was at the door ; Agnes rushed to see who this could be . " Hey Aggie " , Lidia said knowing she wanted her to be Lucy instead ; Lidia hugged her and told her not to worry everything would be fine . " I thought I would arrive early to see if I could do something to help you out . " " Oh , thank you sweetie " Lidia still didn 't know if she liked being called " sweetie " she must ask Agnes why she calls her this and no - one else in the group . The dining room looked all set and ready for everyone tonight , the doorbell rung as Agnes was about to place more food on the table . " Good evening Aggie how are you ? " Cindy walked in without Kathryn . " Cindy where is Kathryn ? I was looking forward to some cuddles with her " " Sorry Aggie she has a cold so Jack is taking care of her tonight ; maybe she will be better for next week " . " Fair enough , now go get settled with a cup of coffee while I make sure Lidia isn 't lost in the other room " . Agnes had asked Lidia to look through some photos that had been taken over the last few years of the group . She felt that by having these to look through it might be a way of bringing back some fond memories for everyone . She felt that this might help break the ice for Lucy as well . Lidia was busy going through them as Agnes walked in . " How 's it all going Sweetie ? " " Agnes may I ask you something ? " Lidia lifted her eyes from a photo of her and Cindy laughing while they were hand sewing a quilt . " Yes sweetie you may ask me anything you like " Agnes sat down beside Lidia on the bed as Lidia began . " I have always wondered why is it you call me sweetie ; and why nobody else in the group ? " Agnes Laughed from deep inside her . " Lidia , I 've been waiting for you to ask this for so long now . I want you to listen to the story but I fear we will have to wait until tomorrow . We have guests coming remember " The sigh was deep and heavy ; Lidia didn 't want to wait another day . But she knew she couldn 't push it with Aggie not tonight . Soon after Nick and Sandy arrived ready for a party and some sewing gossip ! It was 7 : 30 pm and no sign of Lucy . Everyone decided they would start and have her join in when she arrived ; she might be shy and nervous about meeting them . Amanda arrived late and stayed for an hour ; then she had to do more prep for tomorrow menu . Lucy stood outside feeling the excitement as she rang the doorbell . " Good - evening you must be Lucy ; my name is Agnes ; please come inside and meet the group " . " Thanks you Agnes I 'm glad we have finally met " Lucy stepped in and was lead to the lounge were everyone was laughing and having drinks . " Have I come on a bad night ? " Lucy looked concerned . " No , we 're having a celebration . Amanda over at the table has bought a restaurant in town . It 's called " Petite " " I 've seen it my husband works in the bank next door " " That 's amazing it 's next door to the restaurant " Amanda said with excitement " now we have another reason to celebrate ! " Nick and Sandy stood up as Agnes told Lucy who they were . Then Lidia placed her hand out " Welcome to the group " . Standing up Cindy looked at Lucy and smiled " We 're all so happy you have joined us . " Lucy ' come and have something to drink and some nibbles while you tell us more about yourself " Cindy felt her ear twitch wanting to take it all in but she was no longer into making other people 's business her business . She stopped talking only because she wanted to get to know Lucy . Once she had something to drink and eat ; Lucy sat down next to Agnes and started to share more about who she was . " I 'm thirty - four years old ; I 've been married to my husband Ed for fourteen years . We have three beautiful children ; Heather is thirteen , Justin is eight and little Samantha is six years old . I have been quilting now for ten years ; I have had some of my quilts put into show and have managed to place second a few times so far . " Sipping on her coffee , she hoped this was enough for now . She was ready to get into her patchwork she had started before the move into town . After everyone had a few drinks they sat down ready to do what they had missed doing " patchwork " was a fun night for everyone . Lidia sat next to Lucy and watched her work ; she seemed to work with such speed and smiled the whole time she worked , even when she had to un - pick her work ! Who smiles when they have to un - pick she thought ! The next six months flew by quickly as everyone would arrive with work in hand ready to sew away . There was a show coming up and everyone wanted to have something in the show to represent who they were a group . Agnes started them on a block each to work on ; something that meant a lot to them and would show anyone who looked at the quilt could see something from each person within the quilt . Lidia found she was excited doing this project ; it meant a lot to her to make something special about the group . After thinking long and hard she knew what she would do . Sandy being new to making quilts found the block a challenge . She was grateful her husband knew so much about quilting or she would have to ask Agnes or Amanda what to do . At night when they were on their bed they would sit together working on their projects . If Sandy ever felt stuck she only had to ask the man she loved so much . Everything in life was going so well for them ; she 's so thankful for Agnes and the rest of the group who helped Nick become the man she had always wanted him to be . Sandy found that men in general always thought about themselves but when she met him this first time five years ago he acted like the perfect gentleman . As the months progressed they seemed to have fallen in love . Soon after they married Nick changed ; he would do things he wanted when he wanted no matter what she would be doing . Quite often she would come home to find he was out and would stay out . She found she was alone more than she had Nick at home . She took up painting as something that would help keep her calm and at peace with how her life seemed to turn out . The day he turned to her and told her he was leaving didn 't surprise her ; he hurt her that he could walk away as he was doing but if this was best then so be it . Not long after she had heard through his parents that he had been dared to join a craft group by his co - workers . She was surprised to hear how quickly he had changed . Now she has him again ; this time he is a different person . More caring and a lot more sensitive to her needs ; He would bring her flowers while she slept in the morning ; with breakfast as well . Sandy smiled as she thought of her husband and couldn 't wait to see him after work . She had planned a special diner for the love of her life . Nick 's day had been very busy with a lot of building work needing to be completed within three months . The tension at work seemed to increase each day everyone turned up for work . He was hoping that things would settle down . He hated coming home with tension from work showing on his face . Tonight he decided he would go for a walk down by the beach before he went home . He knew this would help clear any sign of tension in his head . As soon as the clock showed five pm ; He put everything away and started to head toward the beach . It was good it was only a five - minute walk from the site ; he saw this as a chance to put in more walking time anyway . The breeze was cool but refreshing ; the sea was busy splashing the waves on the shoreline . There were birds flying overhead probably looking for food . The sun was starting to set ; Nick walked along the shoreline with the sand going between his now exposed toes he could feel the tension draining from his body . Nick was absorbed in his on world he didn 't hear someone come from behind him . The last thought he had was of his wife waiting for him at home . Sandy had everything ready for Nick waiting on the table ; she fixed a special meal for him tonight hoping to have a talk about where their lives were going to head in the future . But he was late . " Where are you Nick " she thought with concern as well . Two hours had gone by and still Nick wasn 't at home . Sandy picked up the phone and rung Agnes to see if maybe he had shown up there with his patchwork ( he was having trouble with getting something right on his block ) . " No Sandy I haven 't seen Nick since out meeting last week ; let me call everyone to see if they heard from him " Sandy hung up the phone more worried now than ever . This wasn 't like him to not be home by now or at least call her if he was going to be late . She decided she couldn 't wait alone ; she grabbed the keys on the side table and rushed out the door . As she opened the door Agnes and the group were standing at the door . After many hugs and kisses she sat down and started to weep knowing in her heart that something terrible had happened to him . Thirty minutes later there was a knock at her door . Agnes offered to answer for her but she refused to let her . " Mrs . Camp , I 'm Officer Williams from the police station " Sandy 's legs started to shake . She wasn 't sure she wanted to hear anymore . " May I come inside Mrs . Camp " ? She motioned for him to step in and take a seat on the couch . He saw she had a few people there and asked if they could go into the kitchen to talk . She looked at Agnes pleading in her eyes for her to come with her . Agnes nodded and went with the officer . " Mrs . Camp when was the last time you saw your husband Nick ? " " This morning before work , he left early because they have a job that needs to be completed . He wanted to have as much time as he could to get the work done , why officer do you know where he is ? Tell me I want to know I need to know " Where is Nick " ? Sandy tensed her body for the words she knew in her heart he was about to speak . " Mrs . Camp , I 'm truly sorry to have to tell you this . We believe your husband 's body was found down by the beach " As she heard the words " his body " she fell to the floor . Her body began to shake uncontrollably as she felt the tears flowing down her face . Agnes too was crying as she tried to hold Sandy while she wept for the man she loved so much . " Mrs . Camp I know this is hard for you ; I wish I didn 't have to say this but we need someone who knows Nick to come to the morgue to identify his body " . Hearing this word made her cry even more she thought she would lose control . Out in the lounge Lidia was sitting on the couch talking to Amanda whispering so they wouldn 't distract from what was going on the kitchen . But when she heard Sandy scream Lidia along with Cindy and Amanda ran into the kitchen ( Lucy felt to stay in the lounge and wait ) . They could see Sandy was weeping beyond control ; Agnes was trying to comfort her while the officers stood there not knowing what to say next . " Sandy , what 's going on Lidia asked as her voice started to shake . Sandy heard Lidia but had no voice to speak to her . All she could do was weep . Agnes looked at Lidia with the tears running down her face . Whispering so she wouldn 't upset Sandy anymore than she already was . " They found Nick 's body down by the beach . " Lidia couldn 't believe what she was hearing " NO , not Nick " She ran out of the kitchen and out of the house at this point she wanted nothing more to do with this group . She couldn 't handle losing her friends like this . How could this be she screamed to anyone who might be nearby . She didn 't care who heard her she was angry that another important life had been taken from her and more importantly from Sandy . Back inside the kitchen Sandy was sitting at the table , Agnes was holding her while Amanda made a herbal tea for everyone . Lucy knew he was gone but didn 't know him well . She stayed in the lounge and cleaned the room for her hoping that this would help in some strange way . " Mrs . Camp , I 'm sorry but I need I need you to come with me to the morgue ; we need you to tell us if this is your husband or not " . She looked at Agnes who held her tight and reassured Sandy that the sooner she went the sooner she could get some rest . There would be some plans made over the next few days . At the hospital with Agnes holding her tight so she wouldn 't collapse again ; Officer Williams took her to the bottom floor where the morgue was . The doors looked heavy , Sandy wasn 't sure if she could step inside to see her precious Nick under some sheet and no one told her if he was hurt . She couldn 't handle seeing him if he was hurt really bad . " Mrs . Camp he 's ready for you now when you 're ready " she thought who is ever ready to do something like this ? Her feet dragged on the floor as she struggled to walk . Agnes was her wall holding her so she wouldn 't fall . The room was cold and lifeless ; Sandy could feel why it was the " morgue " . As she approached the table a doctor who was standing on the other side lifted back the sheet that covered his lifeless body . Sandy looked at his lips the lips she loved being kissed by and that was all she could remember . Upstairs in another ward Agnes was talking to Officer Williams . " Thank you Officer , I know this part of your job isn 't easy " . Sandy will need all the support she can get right now . We won 't let her go through this alone " " When Mrs . Camp feels better give me a call so I can talk to her " he passed a card that had his details to Agnes . She thanked him again and then went into Sandy 's hospital room to sit with her until she woke . Lidia sat at home with Amanda , Cindy and Lucy wondering what to do now . They were in shock ; no one said anything as they sat crying . The group had once again changed ; would the group ever meet again after this ? Lidia couldn 't help but wonder . To lose two special people and a precious baby as well and all within a year was a lot for anyone to handle . Could the group get through this ? The hours went by with everyone sitting and crying letting out their anger at time with yelling and questions to God . " Again he took another life how could he do this again to us " Lidia spoke louder than she realized out loud . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . In Sandy 's hospital room Agnes sat watching over Sandy not knowing how long she would be unconscious for . The doctor said that it could take hours for someone who is in shock to wake up . She wanted to be there when she woke in case she needed someone beside her . Sandy was in awe of how her new home looked as she started at the big wide kitchen . She touched the oven and the wooden bench . She could see she would cook many meals for her Nick and her baby . She started to cook she wanted the diner cooked and waiting for Nick . Tommy was outside playing since he had come home from school he had taken his bag up to his room and then found his tanker in the sandpit . He had been there an hour already making those sounds a young boy does when the imagination runs wild . Half an hour past dinnertime and Nick wasn 't home . She dished Tommy 's meal out for him so he wouldn 't go hungry . Then waited patiently at the table ; She heard the door bell ring . Running to the door she opened it as she was saying " Nick , did you leave your keys somewhere " the door swung open with Nick pale standing there . Sandy screamed as she sat up sweat pouring from her forehead she had no idea where she was . Agnes shushed her and told her to lie down . " Nick Where is Nick he didn 't come home for dinner ? We were waiting for him , Where is he Agnes ? " " Oh Sandy don 't you remember what happened ? " No Agnes I was at the table with Tommy " , " who 's Tommy Sandy ? " " Our son , Nick and I have a son . He is about seven ; we were at the table waiting for nick to come home when I heard the door bell . I ran to the door teasing Nick he shouldn 't have left his keys at work but Agnes when I opened the door Nick stood there pale and lifeless what does this mean ? " " Sandy You don 't have a son and Nick wasn 't at the door sweetheart ; Nick was found at the beach don 't you remember going to the morgue ? You fainted and now you 're resting in the hospital " " Agnes please tell me this isn 't true I can 't lose Nick a second time and this time I will never see him again ! I need him Agnes I need him to help me with our child he has to be alive " Agnes didn 't know what to say ; she was afraid Sandy was taking her dream to far and believed she had a child . " Sandy darling listen to me Nick isn 't coming back , you saw him downstairs . You are imagining things you don 't have a son . Sandy that was only a dream " " No Agnes , you don 't understand we do have a son , I 'm pregnant with our baby ; Nick and I are going to have a baby " The next few days the group took over the details for Sandy while she rested no one wanted her to have to deal with anything else in her condition . The doctor said that for now the baby was fine but she had to rest as much as possible . Nick 's parents arrived and made all the funeral arrangements . Flowers arrived form Nick 's work plus donations to help Sandy as she goes through her loss . Once again the group had to sit in the same church to see off another precious member . As the coffin sat up - front and Sandy weeping Agnes couldn 't say for sure whether she would teach patchwork again . Nick should not have gone when he did ; this was without a doubt not fair in life . Nick had gone to the beach to relax before he went home to be with his wife and the baby he had yet to find out about . While he was there a stranger came up to him from behind and stabbed him so they could rob him of everything he had . This included his life ; why did the innocent have to pay with such a heavy price for those who are greedy in life ? As the months went by the police searched for Nick 's killer . Sandy struggled with the thought of raising a child on her own . She didn 't sleep well ; and didn 't take care of herself or the baby that was growing inside her . Lidia was concerned for her mental health ; she didn 't feel Sandy was thinking clearly anymore . Whenever Lidia would visit her at home she would hear Sandy talking to Nick as if he was sitting next her . " Agnes , I 'm worried about Sandy , she 's always talking to Nick like he is still alive , what should we do ? " Agnes 's heart ached for her special friends especially for sweetie . " I don 't know Sweetie ; maybe we should take her to see someone and see what they say " " Do you think she will let us take her Aggie ? " Lidia , Sandy and Agnes sat in the doctor 's office waiting to see what would be the safest solution for Sandy she had clearly not handled Nick 's death well and to have the killer still out there made Sandy worse . After an hour in with the doctor he felt Sandy should go to a facility that could take care of her until she became more stable . She had a baby due in a month so everyone was concerned she wouldn 't be able to take care of him when he was born . Sandy didn 't even understand what happened . In her new world Nick and Tommy and Sandy were happy . The group had a meeting to decide what to do from now on . They felt that maybe the group should wait awhile before they started up again . But Lucy the newest member in the group felt the only way to hold onto Nick or Lisa 's memory they should continue making beautiful quilts . Everyone hesitated yet could see where Lucy was coming from and agreed to wait until after Sandy had her baby then they would meet again . Two months after the funeral Nick and Sandy had a quiet ceremony at their home wanting to keep it simple for everyone who was still feeling emotional for Cindy and Jack . The day was as special as it was needed for the two who found each other for the first time . Even in their marriage before they didn 't know each other well . Now they 're happily in love ; a love deeper than they ever thought possible . Everyone from the quilting group made the wedding even though Cindy was still mourning her son . She wanted to be there for Nick and Sandy . Cindy painted on the happy smile she promised Jack she would keep on for the day . The happy couple left for a special honeymoon in Florida as Mr . And Mrs Ward ; Holding hands as they flew off into the sunset . Lisa found it hard to smile with everything that had happened over the last ten months . Everyone in the group struggled with how life had gone for everyone . Ben had moved into her place as they grew closer and more in love like she never knew love before . Happiness had become a part of her life now . Work was hard but she loved knowing her Ben was nearby . A few months after the wedding Lisa woke one morning feeling tired . She had slept well but her body was telling her she should sleep more . She rose out of bed went downstairs to make a herbal tea to see if this would help her body come alive again . Ben stirred when she moved but she whispered for him to sleep in some more . After her tea , Lisa jumped into the shower to feel more refreshed . She knew this would help her wake up more and then she would make breakfast for Ben . The shower was good and hot as Lisa washed her arms , but she noticed her Breast was sore . I must have slept on it funny , she thought . As she moved from her right breast to her left the pain brought tears to her eyes . Lisa decided she would do a breast examine while in the shower and alone ( while she was in school they taught the young women how to check for any lumps ) it was something Lisa never forgot . As her right - hand moved over her left breast as she was shown how too she could feel a lump near her armpit . Panic set in quickly making her heart race . What was this ? A cysts or worse ; no it couldn 't be worse she always ate healthy and exercised daily . There was no way this could be . Lisa quietly got dressed after her shower and went downstairs to make an appointment to see a doctor . She didn 't want to leave this for any length of time . She had too much to live for now that she had Ben . She decided not to tell anyone within the group for now . Everyone had been through enough as it was . She would wait until she knew more before saying anything . Lucy and Ed sat down at their dining room table to tell the children of what would be happening soon . Heather the oldest at thirteen would find it all the hardest . She was making friends in her school ; but she would adjust well in time . Justin who is eight will fight the idea all of about a minute then move back to his trucks on the floor . Little Samantha who is six won 't even know what it all meant . The news was pretty much taken how Lucy felt it would . Heather cried and told her parents that life isn 't fair as she stormed off into her room . Everyone in the Bancroft family would soon settle once the shift had taken place . Three weeks after Lisa found a lump in her breast she had a phone call from her doctor . He found that it was malignant ; he found while scanning her breasts she had many lumps within her chest . " What no Doctor you don 't know what you 're talking about , are you telling me I have cancer ? " " Miss Adams I would like you to come and see me this afternoon so I can talk to you in private . I think you need to see the x - rays as well " . By three o ' clock that afternoon Lisa was sitting in his office looking at her left breast like it was a photograph to admire . She couldn 't however admire the cancer that was throughout her breast and her ribs . When the doctor had finished explaining to her what this all meant ; Lisa walked out of his office numb . Life she thought is always too short to take it for granted . Everyone was finally going to have a night of quilting . The last few months had taken up so much time that no - one felt it was right to have their group time . Agnes and Lidia prepared fresh muffins for everyone to enjoy ; even Lisa would like them with all the bran in them . The door bell rung , " I 'll get that " Aggie , you keep baking " " Thanks sweetie " , Agnes yelled out to her as she placed another tray in the oven . Lidia couldn 't wait to see everyone again ; Nick and Sandy had a wonderful time in Florida . He was bringing all the photos to show everyone . Cindy had slowly gotten used to being a mother to her daughter Kathryn who she was bringing with her tonight . Amanda said she would be a little late but had some news to share so she said she would make it one - way or the other . Lisa was the only one who didn 't say for sure whether she would make it . She said something about being tired and wanting to spend time with Ben . Lidia wondered why she hadn 't called her in the last few weeks . She put it down too young lovers being in love . As the door opened Cindy passed Kathryn Rose to her saying " here , can you hold her a minute I need to rush to the ladies room . " Five minutes later Cindy came back in thanking Lidia for holding Kathryn . " Thanks for your help Lidia , Jack has had a stomach bug and spends most of the day in the bathroom ( laughing as she explained ) who wants to use the bathroom after one of his sessions . . . Not me ! " That 's okay Cindy I loved holding her boy hasn 't she grown . Cindy frowned for a second hearing what Lidia said . She had to push it all aside and move on . " Yeah she is six months old now . She is trying to crawl and place every little piece of fluff on the floor into her MOUTH ! The both of them laughed out loud while Cindy shook her finger at her daughter to show she wasn 't happy with this idea . The door went again with Nick opening it and stepping inside . " Hey everyone how are you I missed everyone " After a few hugs from everyone including Agnes who had come into see little Ka . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lidia tried to ring Lisa at work but they had said she was on vacation . This was odd because Lisa never mentioned she was going away . Lidia decided she would go to her apartment to see if she was there . Lidia knocked several times before Lisa answered the door . " Oh what are you doing here ? I can 't talk right now I 'm tired and need sleep Lidia can you please come back another time " Lidia was shocked to see Lisa she looked terrible . " Lisa what 's going on , I went to your work and they said you were on vacation Why are you acting like you 're on vacation when your clearly not ! " " Lidia , I don 't feel up to talking right now , can we talk another time " " No , I 'm coming in and you can 't stop me . You have some explaining to do " " Lidia I don 't know if I can talk about it . Everyone has been through so much already this year " . The alarm bells started to go off in Lidia 's head . " Well you might as well start talking because I 'm here until you tell me everything ! " Ten minutes into listening to everything Lisa had to say , Lidia had to excuse herself , her stomach couldn 't handle the thought of losing Lisa . Inside the bathroom with the door shut Lidia brought up her diner and then she cried for five minutes . She cleaned up and then joined Lisa back on the couch . " I 'm sorry Lisa for doing that ; I was surprised and found it hard knowing you 're so sick . Why didn 't you tell us ? " " You know everyone has been through so much , I didn 't want to add to this " " Lisa , come on we are family remember ? We go through everything together . What did the doctors say ? " " They say to get my life in order . They say I have not got long ; that the cancer is in my ribs and my breasts . They have nothing they can do for me now " . Two weeks later Lisa gave up fighting for her life . Ben was at a loss ; he missed his love so much . He planned out her funeral because her family had all moved away or was no longer around . It was hard for everyone within the group to deal with another loss so soon after Caleb . The funeral was held in the same church but this time it was raining and gloomy . Everyone sat in silence asking God why he took another person who should still be alive . Many tears fell from everyone daylong . Ben struggled all the way through . He loved Lisa to the point he was going to ask her to marry him . But two weeks earlier she told him they were no longer suited for each other and told him to never ring her again . Then Lidia called him up and told him what was going on . He cried for two days . Ben tried to see her but she wouldn 't open the door for him . He will always question why she locked him out of her life when she needed him most . The group had changed ; Agnes didn 't know if she could continue having everyone at her place . But that much change may hurt everyone ; during a meeting everyone agreed to keep going because they felt Lisa would want them to create more amazing quilts . Six months after Lisa died the group had made a quilt in honor of Lisa . It hung in Ben 's home so he could always think of her . The quilt was full of all the healthy food she loved to eat and a photo of her designed into the quilt . The quilt read " In Loving Memory of Lisa Adams , we will Never Forget Her " A year had passed since Nick sat in the hospital with Sandy . She recovered from her injuries and he courted her for eight months then asked her to marry him again . The love they felt for each other was stronger than ever before . No - one could fault that . Lisa enjoyed her time with Ben , spending all their free time together . The quilting group were happy she had met " mister right " Every Tuesday she would come to the group with something new he had done for her . The smile that seemed glued to her face was always there . She made Quilts that were bright and happy looking with wonderful bright yellows and deep reds . Two weeks after Sandy 's accident the group were sitting and laughing enjoying each other company . " Hey everyone " , Cindy wanted everyone 's attention . " I have something to tell you but wanted to be sure Sandy was okay first . Jack and I found out we 're going to have our FIRST baby ! " The screaming and jumping that came from everyone including Nick filled the room and beyond . Everyone was grabbing Cindy and hugging her she could hardly breathe . But Cindy didn 't mind , if felt good to know so many people cared about her . No - one could do any more patchwork that night . The laughter filled the air the happiness was shining , nothing could be any better than seeing everyone so happy . Agnes couldn 't help think this as she watched everyone talking . Waiting in the foyer of the restaurant that Amanda was going to own one day , she sat patiently waiting for the present owner . Amanda had a meeting with him to see if he would think about selling her the restaurant . She had heard he was hard to talk too but she wouldn 't know unless she tried . The restaurant " Petite " was known for its fine dining but Amanda wanted to change that . " Fine dining " is special but she wanted to have a jazz band playing and have steak and chicken on the menu instead all of the fancy items you can see in many restaurants these days . She heard Mr Turner coming out of the office ; she rose to greet him with her handout as a friendly gesture . " Hello Mr . Turner thanks for taking the time to meet me today . " " Good afternoon Miss Wild come sit in my office " " Mr Turner , as you may know I have been looking for the right place for me to own and run . I like the look and feel of this restaurant . I am hoping that today I will have an offer you couldn 't refuse " . . . Cindy was starting to look like she was carrying an elephant but was only four months pregnant . She never imagined pregnancy would be so tiring early on . They had an appointment to meet with the doctor today and have a scan to see how the baby was doing . She was nervous hoping the baby would have five toes and five fingers and everything else a baby should have . How have other women managed being pregnant she wondered ! Sitting in the waiting room holding hands Cindy found it hard to keep her mind focused on anything else other than the baby . Jack was reading some car magazine when their time came to see the doctor . " Good afternoon Mr . And Mrs . Jacobs how are we today ? " " To be honest Dr . Hope we 're a bit nervous we have not seen a baby like this before ; we don 't know what to expect . " " It 's normal to feel like this Mrs . Jacobs ; we always scan to see how the baby is . This helps us know how the baby is doing ; how have you been feeling ? " " Well , I have been sick a lot lately . I was told this would settle down after the third month " Nodding his head he explained how every pregnancy is different and that it was a good sign of a healthy pregnancy . " I 'll need you on the table so we can have a good look at the baby . Mrs Jacobs place this robe on and wait for me here " Lying on the bed with a funny robe on Cindy wanted this over ; she wanted to know for sure their baby was healthy . Dr . Hope turned on the machine and placed a gel all over her stomach . Jack was standing at the head of the bed holding her hands as the doctor started to scan for their baby . He was quiet for a long - time Cindy thought . " Dr . Hope is everything okay ? What can you see ? How is our baby ? " " Mrs . Jacobs you need to be patient with me there is a lot to look at before I say too much Give me another few minutes . " This felt like a lifetime to Cindy . The doctor finally started to explain what he was seeing . " Here I need the both of you to look at the screen now " you can see the head ( as he was pointing to the screen ) we could see a round circular head as he said on the screen . Jack and I looked at each other , the tears were flowing ; our baby IS real . The doctor continued . " Here is your baby 's heartbeat which is a strong heartbeat . There are five fingers and five toes . What I want you to look at here can you see this arm here ? " " Cindy focused on the arm he said was there but it didn 't seem right how could the arm be where was ? " What 's wrong with our baby Doctor how can the baby have an arm by it 's leg ? " He laughed calmly said " Mr and Mrs Jacobs your baby is fine . The arm you 're looking at is the arm of your second baby Your having twins " Cindy shook her head and said " no way I don 't believe you are you for real ? " " Mrs Jacobs I have been a doctor a long - time and have seen many twin pregnancies . This explains your size and the reason you are still sick . Congratulations " Jack had to sit down ; he never imagined he would be a father to a set of twins . Double of EVERYTHING ! How could he do it ! How would he cope ? Cindy sat up on the bed and starred at the screen that showed the life of two of their babies . How did they manage this ? How would she be as a mother of twin babies ? While sitting at the table we were making our quilts while Lidia and Agnes had a cup of coffee . " Lidia , how are you feeling these days ? You seem in another world sometimes " A deep sigh comes out of Lidia 's lips . " I 'm sorry Aggie I do have somethings on my mind " " Would you like to talk about it Sweetie ? " Lidia 's heart ached at thinking about the lost years with her mother . " Aggie , promise me this won 't get out at our group session " " Sweetie , what you and I talk about will always stay with us , it 's nobody else 's business but our own " " When I was thirteen my mother was killed in a car accident " " Oh , that is sad sweetie , what happened ? " " She was coming home and was hit by a tanker , she died instantly ! It was hard Aggie losing mom that way but there is something else about that day something I have never told anybody " She took a deep breath and continued . " Mom had been drinking her and dad had a huge fight about something dad had done . She had left angry had a few drinks at a bar then she died ! Dad never forgave himself and has never told me what happened to make her leave like that . " " Oh my , that is horrible Lidia , have you asked him what happened for your own peace of mind . " " I tried when I was twenty - two years old . I started to ask him when he had to go . So I never got a chance to ask him " Agnes stood up and lifted her out of her seat and then held Lidia while she cried tears long overdue for her mother . Lidia had become close to Agnes like she was her grandmother or mentor maybe . Either way Agnes had become a big part of Lidia 's life . The day was looming for Nick and Sandy 's big day . He would have Sandy as his wife again . He made sure that each quilter 's group member had their invitations even though Cindy was close to having her twins . He knew that bringing into the world two babies meant more in their own right than Sandy 's and his wedding . He would forgive her if she couldn 't make it . Nick had asked Sandy if she would wed him at their home in the backyard where she used to paint . This meant much more to Sandy than Nick ever knew . He could see by the look on her face she was fighting back tears of joy . Jack and Cindy were sitting down for dinner when Cindy felt a twinge she never felt before . She started to shake as she looked up at Jack as if say " this is it honey " He saw the look on her face and knew instantly they were going to be parents soon ! The drive to the hospital took a long - time , cars were everywhere and traffic was slow . Cindy could tell her body was doing something different . Her stomach hurt a lot then the muscles would tighten hard . They told her that this would happen when she was going into labour . The hospital was in sight which made Cindy 's heart race knowing the day had come were her life would change forever . Once settled in a room Jack went to call all the family and friends so they could help support them through something they knew nothing about . Jack could hear Cindy screaming from each contraction that grew in intensity each time . Agnes was home when he called and she was going to let everyone know from the group so he knew that soon they would be there for them . He was thankful for the group , they had taught Cindy so much over the years since she started to attend and make beautiful quilts . He couldn 't wait to have them there for Cindy especially . Her mom and dad lived - in another town so they would be four hours before they arrived and by then this could all be over ! Two hours later with everyone sitting in the same waiting room where Sandy was taken and Lidia 's mom died ; everyone was pacing the floor trying not to look worried . The doctor had told Jack that one of the twins was breach so they needed to take her to surgery . Jack couldn 't believe Cindy had to go through this alone ; he was beside himself pacing more than the others and checking the hallway for any sign of the doctor . Thirty minutes later and everything changed for Cindy ; she had been given something to help her sleep so they could perform a Cesarean Section to try to save the babies . One was in trouble because he had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and needed to be delivered soon or he wouldn 't make it . Being breech this can happen the Doctor assured Jack and Cindy as she was heading to the theatre . " Mr . Jacobs " Jack raised his head from between his hands afraid to hear what the doctor might say . " Mr . Jacobs I 'm sorry to have to tell you this ; we didn 't make it in time to save your little boy , the oxygen had been cut off from his tiny brain for too long . I 'm sorry Mr . Jacobs . " Mrs . Jacobs and your baby daughter will be fine . She is healthy as you would want with all her toes and fingers ; she has a good crop of black hair as well . I know this is hard for you to have all different kinds of emotions right now . Mr . Jacobs please know we did all we could for both of your children and Mrs . Jacobs be strong for your wife she will find it hard to take in when she wakes up " The shock was overwhelming for Jack . There was a part of him hurting he had lost his son . Then there was part of him who was elated he had a healthy daughter ! " Tell me Doctor , when can I see Cindy ? I want to be the one to tell her " " Give her another twenty minutes to wake up and then you and only you can go and see her for ten minutes . " " Thanks doctor . . . . . For everything " Three days later everyone gathered at Agnes 's home before the funeral . This day was supposed to be Nick and Sandy 's special day . But they couldn 't have their day until they knew the funeral had passed . They needed to think of Cindy and Jack . Cindy was sore from the delivery . Sore also from her loss that no mother should ever experience ; she found it hard to pick up little Kathryn Rose . The daughter she dreamed of holding and loving with all she had only a few months ago now was in her crib crying for a loving touch . The funeral was in an hour ; Cindy couldn 't move off the bed ; she felt frozen in time . Inside she asked herself what she could have done differently to save Caleb . If only she had known more about this . Why didn 't the doctor tell her about this ? Warn her she thought deep in her soul . The pain was more than she could bear . Poor Kathryn needed her yet she couldn 't touch her ; any time she heard her she could only see Caleb in the morgue laying there cold lifeless , with no sign of love in his face . Cindy fell to the floor weeping into the carpet her hands were flying all over the place trying to hit whatever came into contact . Soon Jack was with her on the floor taking the hits as her fists kept swinging at him but in Cindy 's mind she was hitting God ; she was so upset at him for taking their son . She would find it hard to forgive him for this . To put Jack and her through this ; she was told he is about life and not death ! So why would he take a child ; one that had no life with his parents or his sister ? This was the hardest thing she had ever been through . Now she was going to have to hold her head high . Be strong for Jack and Kathryn who she had to find the love this child would need to survive in life . The church felt cold inside ; maybe that is how churches are when someone dies . Agnes had arrived first in her black dress and black stylish hat . She looked burdened thinking of Cindy and Jack . The group had changed in a matter of months from a laughing happy group ; to sadness and not much quilting since the death of Caleb . Lidia arrived soon after taking hold of Agnes and weeping more into her shoulder . Not even the soft whisper from her mentor made this any easier for Lidia . She had found Cindy someone who may not be easy to get along with . She still felt losing a child is something no one should ever go through . The two walked slowly to their seats close to the front by Cindy 's request . Jack was sitting next her holding her like she would fall over without the support . She seemed like a doll sitting there motionless , empty but hurting at the same time . Kathryn was with her nanny in the waiting room in the church ; Cindy didn 't feel she could handle a crying baby during the service . Amanda arrived and sat next to Lidia who held her hand to let her know she was glad she made it . Lisa and Ben walked in and together sat next to Amanda ; the mood was somber and dark between them . With a tap on Ben 's shoulder he looked up to see Sandy and Nick was taking their seats next to him . It was time to say their goodbyes to a young soul who only briefly knew life . Three months had passed since the night she meet everyone . It was Tuesday once again . Lidia 's heart raced knowing she was going to have a pillowcase completed to show everyone . She hoped they would see all the hard work she put into it . As she stood at the door she hesitated ; would they see she had to change the pattern a bit when she cut the fabric wrong ? Just as she was about to ring the doorbell Agnes opened the door . " Hello sweetie ( Lidia cringed , she wasn 't sure she liked the name " sweetie " ) Come in , we 're waiting for Nick to arrive so make a coffee while we wait . The lounge seemed different tonight ; everyone was talking loud as if they were trying to talk over everyone who sat in the room . Lisa had something on her lap ; so did Cindy . In fact everyone had something on their laps . She no longer wanted to show off her pillowcase ; all she wanted to do was go home . She had a feeling her pillowcase wouldn 't be like what they had to show . The doorbell went off again and the door then opened with Nick and his smiley face appearing out of nowhere . " Good evening all , how 's your day been ? " Everyone mumbled they had days that couldn 't go fast enough and then went back to their chatter among themselves . " Nick I 'm making a coffee would you like me to make you one ? " " Yes I would love a coffee please " Nick liked his coffee strong and with three sugars . Lidia wasn 't sure why he had it so strong if he had to have so much sugar . Maybe she thought he should try milk with it as well . " Coming right up " Nick was a strange man ; coming to a quilting group with all women . She had meant to ask him why he started a woman 's craft . Later tonight she would ask him . He told Lidia two weeks ago how he and his wife Sandy had divorced . He admitted he only ever thought of himself ; leaving Sandy to have a better life was best for her . He explained how his co - workers felt he needed to learn more about how a woman ticked . They dared him to join a craft group where he would soon learn about women and their sensitive feelings . He felt they were being arrogant and wanted to prove them wrong . One day he searched through the paper and found an ad for this quilters group . He joined to show his work buddies they didn 't know him at all back then ; Nick hasn 't stopped since . " Yeah , " said Nick " I realize now that I 've been coming here for a year I didn 't know women at all . I felt they whined and moaned because they could . Now , I know that a woman has special needs . If I had known this when married to Sandy ; it would be different now " The frown on his face showed Lidia he had become a man who cared about others when he made it clear he never used to care about anyone but himself . She noticed after three months of coming here she wasn 't as shy as she used to be . She wondered what else this group had seen happen over their time together . Cindy was always trying to find out more information about her mom . Lidia soon learned who the gossip was in the group . There always had to be one in every group . She made sure she didn 't reveal too much to her whenever they were sitting next to each other . Cindy and Jack had been married for just over a year now . They 've been trying to have a baby for six months ; Lidia could see the strain on Cindy 's face each month since they met when she would share she was still not pregnant yet . Lidia thought she shouldn 't rush trying to be a parent . Children are time - consuming ; Lidia didn 't feel Cindy was mature enough to have children at the moment . Amanda always intrigued Lidia with her daily appearance of jeans and a top no matter if it was raining outside or not . She often wondered why she would love wearing them all the time . She had mentioned one day that she would own her own restaurant one day . She once met Gordon Ramsey and found him abrupt with his comments both good and bad . She almost left cooking school because he told her if she couldn 't cook scrambled eggs then she shouldn 't consider being a chef . That day someone else had taken over her station . The sloppy mess Mr . Ramsey received in front of him had nothing to do with her . He wouldn 't listen to her so she walked away to keep her head straight . Later she apologized to him and moved on in her life . Now she is thankful he had come in that night . " Oh , yes after you showed me how to cut the fabric and how to quilt by hand ; I went home and slowly worked on this pillowcase . I did make a mistake in the cutting but still managed to save the pattern " Agnes liked to hear how Lidia worked this out on her own . Lifting the pillowcase up for everyone to see and hiding her face to save any embarrassment . " Why Lidia , you did well for your first project on your own . " She could tell this was Agnes and was thankful for her encouraging words . " Yes I agree " Cindy stated with fact in her voice . Everyone had done a brilliant job with their quilts . The night went well I was sure everyone enjoyed themselves . Nick was a bit quiet even though everyone tried to get him to talk to us . Maybe he was feeling lonely now that he knew he had something with his ex - wife . I know that I had felt good as I crawled into bed with a smile in my face . Waking up early was never easy for Lisa ; she hates morning and the thought of getting out of her warm bed . She was enjoying her job ; she still hadn 't met " mister right " she felt lonely waking up on her own . Crawling out of bed she could hear Ferret her budgie chirping away ; he must be hungry . " Man " she thought " I hate mornings and I 'm always so tired anymore ; I must make sure I have more iron " . After breakfast of tofu and wheat toast she sat out on her balcony watching the sun begin to rise . She felt a sense of peace seeing the sunrise knowing it will do its job for the day . Now she had to go and do her job as well . The traffic was slower than normal ; turned out to be an accident earlier . Lisa knew she would be late for work . Her boss hated late workers but what could she do ? It was out of her hands . Thirty minutes late she finally stepped into the office . " I 'm sorry I 'm late Mr . Weakly ; there was an accident on the freeway " " Yes Miss Adams I heard the report on the radio ; can you work a bit harder this morning to catch up , I have that report due in today that has to be on my desk in an hour " The morning dragged for Lisa as she worked hard to get the report completed for Mr . Weakly . She managed to get it completed within an hour and a half and then had a much - needed hot green tea with her muesli muffin . She was hoping to get to the cafe ' for lunch today . She normally eats lunch at her desk but forgot to make something this morning . The cafe ' next door has a warm feeling any time she would come in to buy some water or get a hot tea to go . She didn 't like the idea of having lunch alone in the cafe ' but she didn 't know anyone at work . She liked keeping to herself most of the time . The cafe ' seemed busier than usual Lisa thought as she stood in line so she could give her order . People were talking among themselves . The three women working behind the counter were busy . " Excuse me miss , May I take your order " The voice shook her out of her thoughts of dancing in the moonlight with some stranger ( I wish ) she thought . " Could I have a wheat bread sandwich with chicken , lettuce and tomato hold the Mayonnaise please . Could I have a hot green tea as well thank you " Once her order was ready Lisa searched for somewhere to sit and enjoy her lunch but the place was busy . She felt a tap on her shoulder as she turned she saw a man looking down at her . " Would you care to join me ? " She could feel her cheeks turning red that a handsome stranger would offer her a seat . " Yes thank you that would be lovely " Lisa noticed he had jet - black hair and dark - brown eyes . He had a smile that made her feel excited . She didn 't know what that meant but she liked how it felt . He had a strong handshake plus he had a voice that sounded strong . " Where do you work Ben ? " " I work next door at the lawyers firm I 'm one of the newer lawyers there " . " What I work there as well I 've never seen you where do you hide yourself " Ben 's laugh made her heart race . " I started there last week ; so our paths hadn 't crossed until today " " How do you like it so far " ? Lisa hoped she hadn 't asked the wrong question with not knowing Ben at all . " I have to say that I love it . Was the best move I have ever made and now meeting you made it even better " Lisa felt her cheeks turn a bright red from his compliment she didn 't know what to say next . " Thank you Mr . Hicks I mean Ben " " I think your tea is getting cold maybe we should have our lunch " The conversation with Ben made her laugh a lot while enjoying their food . " Oh look at the time Ben I need to go back to work " " Yes I 'm afraid it 's time for me as well to head back , let me walk you " . Back in the office Ben walked her to her desk . " I like your space you have here " he said trying to find a way to ask her out " Thank you , it does the job " Lisa felt awkward not knowing what to say next . " Listen Lisa , Can I take you out for dinner Friday night ? " " I don 't know Ben we have only just met . " " I know , what a good way to get to know each other . Have dinner with me and if you don 't enjoy yourself then we don 't have to go out again I think we would have a good time " Ben took her hand and gently kissed her making her flushed and hot all over . " What a pleasure to have met you Miss Adams : until we meet again . " He stepped back with that warm smile Lisa couldn 't help but smile . " Until we meet again Mr . Hicks ; goodbye " . Lisa felt like all the air in her lungs had escaped her . " What just happened " she asked herself . She couldn 't wait until Friday and what will her friends say in the group next Tuesday ! Once her heart stopped racing from all the excitement , Lisa completed her day with faster speed and musical sound in her voice . Cindy felt eager again , Jack and Cindy wanted a baby so much . As each month passed and still no baby on the way , she felt herself sink into a sadness that only other married couples would understand . Jack and Cindy loved being married almost two years now . She hoped that when she went to see the nurse this morning the pregnancy test would show up positive this time . Standing in the kitchen she made a coffee and sat outside hoping , dreaming of what their child or children would look like . Our daughter she thought will have long blonde hair and blue eyes . I would dress her in dresses and put her hair into pigtails . I would take her out for lunches and to the zoo as well . I would have Jack teach her the piano since he plays so well . We would love her with all we have inside us and make her happy . If we have a boy , Jack would teach him baseball and take him to McDonald 's for lunch . They would go fishing and get all smelly from the fish . I know Jack would love him with all he has inside as well . Dreams are free ; this dream was one that needed to come true Cindy thought as she whispered " if only " . Nick hated being alone now that he saw how much of a jerk he was to Sandy . He wondered if he called here would she listen to him . As he sat in his office at home he couldn 't help but wonder this on a daily bases since he met the women at the quilters group . He thanked his co - workers after he had been going to the group for six months . He told them it was the best choice he made and told them they should try a craft as well . They laughed at him ; they couldn 't see themselves making anything other than buildings ! He knew they were losing out on something special so he decided to leave the subject , for now anyway . The office was getting warm as the afternoon sun drifted in past the drawn curtains . Nick gazed out the window and saw the cane chair that was Sandy 's favorite place to sit while she painted the trees or flowers or whatever her heart desired on the day . His heart sank as he realized she had such a talent that he never complimented her on . If any man could be a pig he knew he had been one . He jumped as the phone began to ring . He reached for the phone not knowing who was on the other end . " Speaking , may I help you ? " " Yes Mr . Camp , I 'm sorry to give you this news , this is County General Hospital calling . Ms Collins arrived by ambulance this morning after being in a car accident . She mentioned your name can you come quickly to the hospital ? " Nick felt his heart stop beating and a lump form in his throat . What if he never got another chance to tell her he was sorry ? " Yes , I will be there in fifteen minutes please how is she is she seriously hurt ? " " Mr . Camp she 's seriously hurt from a truck that went through the lights and hit her from side on . Her seat belt kept her from flying out the side window . You need to get here as soon as you can " " I 'll be right there " . . . . . . . Agnes knew that she had to keep going . She didn 't want to end her life as an old woman in a rest home when she got older , MUCH older . She pulled herself out of bed , Cesar was barking away wanting to go out and take care of his business . He wouldn 't wait long so she jumped up and raced downstairs . " Here we go again Cesar , why can 't you learn some much needed patience ? Out you go " The door slammed shut from a gust of wind as Agnes walked into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee . The doctors told her she should cut back but coffee in the morning makes the day run smoother she thought . She had finished the quilt top she started 5 months ago and was ready to place the batting and backing to it so she could quilt it and then bind it . The next quilt show was in three weeks so she knew she needed to start working soon . Agnes jumped as she heard the phone . " Hello Agnes Ward speaking " " Agnes it 's Nick here , I need your help . Sandy 's in hospital in critical condition can you come to County General ? " " Oh Nick I will be there shortly ; how bad is she " ? " She has some broken ribs and a ruptured spleen . She broke her right arm and leg ; a truck who failed to stop at the lights hit her car . The doctors said she has been so traumatized by the accident the shock may kill her " " Nick calm down I will be there soon " . Grabbing her keys of the mantelpiece Agnes rushed toward the door then she realized that if everyone could be there for Nick and Sandy then this might help him through this with so much support . Soon Agnes had called everyone and she was on her way . Everyone dropped what they were doing to help support Nick . When Agnes arrived everyone was sitting with Nick who looked exhausted . Agnes took hold of him and hugged him with all she had hoping this would help him . " Nick any word on how she is ? " " She is still in surgery ; they have to remove her spleen . The doctors said she will be in surgery for another hour or so . " We 're all here for you Nick You need to keep strong For Sandy 's sake . " " Hey Lidia how are you holding up ? Your looking a bit pale " Lidia was in shock , Memories of her mom came flashing back to her as she sat in the same hospital waiting room that she had when she was thirteen . Her hands were shaking and her heart was racing but she wanted to be there for Nick . That day still haunts her to she can 't think of anything else . It was raining that day when dad had a phone call from the hospital telling him that his wife , my mother had been in a car accident . The rain had blurred her vision as she was trying to turn a corner a tanker didn 't see her car . The car received the full force of the impact which made the car turn in three complete circles . She died instantly from the impact . Lidia hadn 't told anybody at the group what had happened . They would show sympathy until they hear the rest of the story . " Yeah Agnes I 'm all right I just need some fresh air , if you will excuse me Nick I will be right back . " Cindy had her hand on Nick 's shoulder and noticed how Lidia was acting strange and then walked out of the waiting room . She wondered what was going on . She wanted to rush after her to see if she would finally tell her what she was hiding . Cindy knew she was hiding something ; but so was Cindy . " Nick Lidia has stepped for a minute " She whispered in his ear ; " She will be right back " . To Nick however all he could think about was Sandy and how if she makes it out of this he was going to win his wife back whatever it took he would win her back . Lisa was sitting on the couch wondering what she could do to help Nick . She had made him a coffee and brought him a chocolate muffin . She found it hard to keep her thoughts on him after her night with Ben had gone so well . She started to drift away in her thoughts as she could smell his cologne on her blouse she wore . The night was magical ; Ben was such a gentlemen buying her tulips for the date ( her boss told him she often had tulips on her desk ) . He opened all the doors for her and would kiss her hand every chance that got . They had a reservation at Paris ' the nicest French restaurant in town . They laughed and shared their past with each other . Ben had lived close by all his life with his mom and dad and two younger sisters . Studied at Harvard University ; he wanted only the best education money could buy for his future and for his future wife he knew he would meet one day . With the twinkle in his eye Lisa wondered if he felt maybe she was that person . As the night grew to a close and she ate more than she should have , she didn 't want the night to end . Ben offered to take her home when she was ready so she took this opportunity to ask if a walk along the park might be something special . She enjoyed his touch and his smile . As they walked through the park he slowly took hold of her hand and lightly kissed it as he looked up at her with a warm passionate desire . She knew that this night had to carry on at her place . The smile on her face showed Nick that she was somewhere and not in the waiting room any more . He could tell there was someone special in her life . Only someone in love could look as she did with this glowing light all over her . He hoped that whoever stole her heart would treat her better than he did Sandy . Nothing was worse than realizing this too late . Lisa didn 't mean to be dreaming of Ben she had no idea Nick was watching her . He wasn 't the only one either ; Cindy was staring at her wondering what secret she wasn 't sharing . So too was Agnes and Amanda ; no - one had seen her smile like that before . Within her thoughts again Lisa saw how Ben held her at her door . How he lightly kissed her soft lips at first and then couldn 't help himself . He passionately looked into her eyes lifted her head and kissed her with such a heated passion she thought her knees would give out on her . Once the long heated kiss was over she whispered in his ear ; " Come in for a nightcap , I don 't want this night to end just yet " He smiled and agreed as she opened the door and quietly shut it behind her . The next morning he kissed her before leaving saying this was only the beginning of something special . Lisa heard a noise that was like a bang that woke her out of her dream . A nurse had dropped a tray at the nurse 's station . Then Lisa noticed the doctor was talking to Nick , everyone was standing around him listening to what the doctor was saying . . . . " Mr Camp Ms Collins your ex - wife has come out of surgery . She has had some major broken bones but as long as she can stay stable for the next twenty - four hours she should be fine . But of course the next twenty - four hours are the most important time for her . She needs your support to give her more to live for ; can you do this Mr Camp ? " Nick was numb and in shock he was so relieved he didn 't hear everything he said . Once the doctor said she should be he started to plan what he would do to win her back , the first step was to be by her side until she is well again . Agnes held Nick firmly as he was lead down the hallway to see his soon to be wife AGAIN . He was nervous and shaking he knew he was thankful for Agnes and the groups support . He must tell them later how much he loves them . Sandy looked weak but alive , Nick walked up to the bed and touched her soft skin something he never noticed before today . She 's a beautiful woman with her soft brown hair flowing past her shoulders even in hospital he couldn 't take his eyes off her . The tears were welling up as he bent over her bed and whispered he loved her and told her he would never leave her side again . He took a hold of her hand and squeezed it firmly in his . Her hand moved slightly in his , He knew then he had not yet lost her for good . He couldn 't stop the tears and wept for hours as she lie there beginning to mend her broken body .

The ' Q ' Factor Chapter 7 Three months later the group was still getting together even though Lidia had not come back since that night . Agnes struggled everyday trying not to think of her daughter . The one she let go for her own good now let her go when Agnes didn 't want to be let go . She worked harder with her patchwork making the best she could to place in shows . She did well with placing each time . The group was doing well as well . Amanda would come when she could and show us all the beautiful wall hangings she made for her thriving restaurant . Cindy had settled well into motherhood ; young Kathryn was keeping her busy every time they came with touching everything she could get her tiny adorable hands on . Another Tuesday night was upon Lidia . All she could do was think about Aggie and the group . It had been a few months since she walked out on her " mother " . She missed the group very much , but she couldn 't forgive Agnes for what she had done so long ago . Lidia found the confidence she had built up from the group soon disappeared . She was back to hiding her face behind cubicles at work . She started to wear sunglasses to hide her eyes . She didn 't want anyone to look into her soul through her eyes and see the pain she was feeling . It was bad enough to feel it on her own she didn 't want anyone else to feel her pain as well . After a week of wearing them she liked how she could hide from the world yet still are a part of it . She thought back to Sandy and wondered how she was doing in the home . She had heard the Tommy was happy with his adopted parents ; mind you he was still young just wait until he is old enough to understand , she wondered if anyone would tell him the truth . Lidia picked up the phone and asked for directory assistance a trip to the home would do her some good ; this might even help Sandy if she was still there . Sandy sat beside the window looking out at the raindrops that hit the window pain . The smile hid the sadness she felt inside . No one seemed to understand why she dreamed of her precious Nick . By keeping him in her dreams then he never left her site . He was always near her holding her kissing her pain away . Everyone even her friends thought she had lost her mind . Didn 't they know she knew Nick was gone forever ? She missed him so much so she chose to dream of him every night . In every dream he always looked handsome always smelled the same . He never aged or changed . Why was this so wrong of her to think of him like this ? " Mrs Camp someone is here to see you would you like to move to the lounge for your visitor ? " Jumping out of her daze she stood slowly beside the nurse . Lidia sat nervously twisting her hair something she had stopped for a longtime . But it helped her as she placed strands of hair around her finger and twisted until it hurt , and then she would start over . She looked up to see Sandy walking into the room ; " Would she remember me " she wondered . Sandy saw a woman who stood up and walked toward her to give her a hug . Sandy hadn 't been hugged in a longtime so backed off so this woman would know she didn 't care for hugs anymore . " Hi Sandy , do you remember me " ? The nurse sat her on the couch and Lidia sat beside her . Sandy stared at her as if to say " no I don 't think I know you " " My name is Lidia , I met you when you " Lidia stopped there she was being selfish and not thinking of Sandy . She may not want to hear Nick 's name mentioned . " I met you at the quilting group that Agnes ran in her home " When Sandy heard Agnes 's name she smiled knowing this name meant happiness from her past . Lidia felt the smile meant something good so she relaxed and sat back so she could be more comfortable with Sandy and their visit . " Sandy , how are you ? How have you been ? I have missed you not being with us at the group " Lidia didn 't have the heart to tell her that she wasn 't going anymore . That would have to wait until Sandy was better ; if she ever got better again . " How is everyone in the group Lidia ? " Sandy felt she knew more people than just Agnes . " Amanda how is she ? She belongs to the group if I remember rightly . " Lidia felt a smile come across her own face This must be a good sign she thought " She is doing well ; her restaurant is popular . She changed the name to ' The Q ' Factor ' she is fully booked most nights so she doesn 't come as much as she would like . She still finds time to make wall hanging quilts and has them in her restaurant " . Sandy felt a bit jealous knowing someone was happy when that was all she ever wanted . Her right hand started to play with her left wrist out of frustration Sandy found this helped her deal with whatever was happening that day . Lidia noticed she became fidgety ; then Lidia noticed she started scratching her arm and that 's when Lidia noticed Sandy had cuts on her wrists . " Sandy , what happened to you ? Are you okay ? " Sandy woke out of her daydream of Nick and Tommy and noticed Lidia was staring at her . She looked down to see the scars that now covered her wrists . Once again she could tell someone didn 't get what they meant to her . She wondered if Miss Lidia Summer knew REAL pain like Sandy did . Sandy found she hurt so much inside that one day she had to get all this pain out so she started to self - harm herself . This surprised Sandy ; not that she did it but more because she felt better every time she cut herself . She didn 't want to commit suicide she only wanted the pain to go away . The pain did go away on the inside anyway ; sometimes the pain would still be there only weaker . She never felt the pain on her wrist . Sandy was too numb to feel the pain on the outside that was why she tried to get the inside empty of pain . Lidia waited to hear from Sandy what had happened to her . Maybe someone attacked her , she knew Sandy had been through a lot but she never felt she would kill herself . " Sandy , I 'm waiting ; what happened . " After a long silence Sandy replied . " Lidia , have you ever had so much pain inside you ; pain that went deep into your soul that could never find its way out ? " " Because Lidia that is where I have been ; since I lost Nick , Yes I know he died Lidia since that horrible day the pain I have inside me as increased almost on an hourly bases . While I carried our child I couldn 't ache for my Nick , I couldn 't help but wonder what if ? Maybe I should have gone to work to pick him up ? I had found out that day that we were going to have our first child ; I was over the moon while I prepared a special meal for us . I had no idea he was going to take a walk after work . Thanks to someone else 's selfishness I 'm now without him . I have a son I can no longer see because they feel I 'm an unfit mother . I miss my son and my husband , one I can win back and one I can never have again . It is because of all of this that I feel the pain ; it 's because of this pain I try as hard as I can to get rid of this pain ; even if it isn 't how others would . It is how I would and have tried for a longtime now . " Lidia sat stunned ; she didn 't know what to say or to do next . A long silence filled the air when the nurse came over to let Lidia know it was time for Sandy 's medicine and then she needed some rest . Lidia looked at Sandy as the nurse helped her up and saw someone who had suffered so much ; someone who was still suffering now and probably will for the rest of her life . Lidia knew what she had to do . She said her good - byes As Sandy walked out of the room then Lidia went for a drive . Agnes sat at the kitchen table trying to have her diner when the door bell rung . She slowly walked to the door not sure if she felt like a visitor . As the door swung open Agnes began to cry . Lidia looked at her mother and began to cry as well . Agnes held her arms out hoping her daughter would want to be held by her mom . " Mom " , was all Agnes could hear as Lidia fell into her arms weeping . " Sweetie , I have missed you so . The two stood in the doorway crying and enjoying the comfort of a single most needed hug anyone could ever wish for . It seemed to take forever before the tears subsided . Then Lidia looked up into her mother 's eyes and whispered " I 'm sorry mom , please forgive me " Four months later with the group going strong another member joined this very special group . He was only a year old but He had a good teacher . Lidia went to court knowing how it felt to be adopted and raised by people who were never her parents . She applied for custody for Tommy Nicholas Camp . Lidia felt that when Sandy was ready to come home ( she felt that day would come ) then her son would be there for her to bring up as a mother should always do . Tommy loved being with the group playing with his tankers pretending they delivered milk to the stores . Lidia loved being his pretend mother . She knew one day Sandy would be back and healthy as ever ; for now she would fill her shoes . Four months later the group were laughing and enjoy their time making more quilts when Cindy stopped laughing . " Hey , guys she said , I have something to tell everyone " Everyone stopped laughing as well afraid more bad news was about to be told by her . " I 'm pregnant ! I 'm going to have a baby ! Isn 't that wonderful ! Everyone screamed with excitement . She was soon smothered with hugs and kisses . This was the best news the group had heard in so long . " How does Jack feel Cindy ? " Cindy was laughing and crying at the same time . " He is over the moon ; we 've been trying to have another baby for awhile but we wanted to wait until I was pregnant before I told you . I hope you don 't mind I didn 't tell you sooner " ? Lidia looked up from her block , " Cindy how pregnant are you ? " Cindy sat quiet for a few seconds and then whispered " five months " Then she couldn 't stop laughing . The group understood why she waited to say anything to them . Soon everyone was laughing again and crying for the joy this baby was sure to bring to Cindy and Jack . The months seem to fly by for everyone ; Cindy was due soon and looking ready to have her baby any day now . She was starting to feel nervous remembering how her last delivery had gone . No one wanted her to go through anything like that again . Tuesday night rolled around when Cindy was past her due date ; no one was worried other mothers - to - be have gone over . Thirty minutes into the night Cindy felt something happen . She looked down under - the - table and noticed that her waters had broken . Agnes could tell by the look on her face the time for this baby to be brought into the world had come . Everyone rushed around grabbing Cindy calling Jack and getting her to the hospital . Jack paced the floor waiting to go and help his wife deliver their unborn child . The doctor came and took Jack into the delivery room ; it was time to be the loving husband . An hour later Jack came in with the biggest smile on his face and told them they had a healthy baby boy . Agnes was in tears as was Lidia , Amanda , Lucy , and even Tommy started crying because he saw everyone else crying . Cindy sat up in bed nice and warm at home waiting for Jack to bring Jackson to her so she could feed him . No one told her how special this moment could be . She missed out the last time because of how things went . Cindy wouldn 't allow anyone to steal that away from her this time . Jack walked in carrying a bundle of blankets that held his son and handed him to her as he kissed his wife to let her know she meant the world to him . The joy of being a mother went deep for Cindy , knowing how special a life could be and could be lost in a blink of an eye . She told herself she would enjoy every moment while it lasted . Amanda stood in the foyer of her restaurant looking over the vast room that was all set and ready to go for the evenings dining guests . She felt almost complete ; there was something missing in her life . She has a restaurant that is becoming popular . But when she goes home at night and she is alone . She knew everyone in the group were happy . That was well overdue after so many tragedies that we felt . She did find one of the chef 's she hired seemed handsome to her ; she wondered if he would go out with her . Stuart had worked for Amanda about six months now . He was good at his work ( which she liked ) he lived close by on his own . He had soft blonde hair that he tied back every night he had to work . His blue eyes with his tanned skin made him an interest among the waitresses as well . Amanda decided she was going to ask him when he arrived in a few minutes . What did she have to lose ? The worst he could say was no . Lucy sat down at the table after dinner ; Edward needed to talk to her about his work . " Sweetheart , my boss called me into the office this afternoon . He offered me another position but this position is not here in Maine . It 's back in Arkansas " " what your joking right " " We just moved from there not long ago , why do they want you back there ? " " The manager there is taking sick leave and won 't be able to work again . They liked my work so they offered it to me " " So what would you like to do ? " I know it would mean moving back ; the bank will pay for this and a bonus because of the second move . I think I should take it ; the pay is an increase and a large one as well . I think I would be making a big mistake to turn this down . " Lucy sat in shock ; she knew his job meant moving a lot but back to the same branch ! After a long silence Lucy took hold of Edward 's hand . " I agree with you honey let 's do it . " Stuart arrived at the restaurant and placed his gear in the kitchen like he always did . Amanda was in the fridge waiting for him to come in and get some supplies . Stuart jumped as he turned the corner to take out the milk ; Amanda spoke to him asking how his day was . " Amanda , are you all right ? Hiding behind the door like that you frightened me " " Sorry Stuart I wanted to catch you before you started cooking the menu tonight for the first service . " Stuart looked at her with a question in his eyes . " How can I help you Amanda " " I was wondering if Friday night would you go to the club down the road with me ? " " Are you asking me out on a date Miss Amanda ? " A smile came over his lips at the thought she finally noticed him enough to ask something ; anything that had nothing to do with work . " Why Yes I would love to join you this Friday . " With a smile on her face as well she went out to start doing her part for the menu . Agnes waited for the group to arrive for their next session . They were working on a quilt as a team to place inside Amanda 's restaurant . Everyone started to arrive including Amanda . Agnes wondered how she swung this with her job keeping her so busy . Amanda walked past her gave her a kiss on the check and walked into the dining room . The atmosphere was full of electricity everyone knew something was going on with Amanda and Lucy . Lidia wouldn 't hold it back any longer she had to ask . " Who 's going to spill the beans first ? " Amanda looked at Lucy and Lucy looked back at Amanda . " Okay , said Lucy I will go first . I know we haven 't known each other for as long as the rest of you I feel like you 're a part of my family Edward was offered a manager 's position last week " everyone looked shocked but was happy for her and her family . " The thing that is the real kicker is its back at the branch were we moved from ! " Everyone stopped their work they were surprised . " How do you feel about this " asked Agnes . " The children are in shock ; Heather is blaming us again for moving her in the first place . Edward and I feel we should take this position . " " Then we 're happy for you . We will miss you but this is your life , not ours . " Then all eyes turned to Amanda waiting for her to share her news . " What , don 't look at me like that I 'm getting there guys ; All I wanted to say was that I met someone . Well I knew him already ; he works at " G Factor " he is one of the chef 's . His name is Stuart and we had our first date last Friday ! " Lidia looked at her ; all she could say was " FINALLY " with that everyone started to laugh . Lucy had tears welling up in her eyes . This was going to be the last time she would be with the quilting group . She was surprised the months went by so fast . She looked around the table and saw everyone was looking at her with tears as well . Amanda spoke up . " I have a wonderful idea . Let 's change the name of this group I think with so many changes happening a change would do us some good ; what does everyone think ? " Agnes being the teacher looked at her with shock and wonder in her eyes . " What would you suggest Amanda " Agnes felt tired after such a long day with the group . They did quilting all - day on a Saturday so they could send something for Lucy and her family . They had moved back six months ago and were missed by the " Q " Factor . She thought she must ring Lidia in the morning to come and pick up Tommy 's tankers ; they left in a hurry so they could make the movies and left them behind . Lidia was woken early Sunday morning by the phone . She knew her mom was going to ring ; she picked it up half asleep . Two minutes later Lidia dropped the phone . Amanda had gone to Aggie 's to have lunch with her . Aggie didn 't answer the phone so Amanda went to the back door that was unlocked and went in to make sure Aggie was all right . Amanda found her still in bed ; she had fallen asleep and never woke up . Lidia sat with Tommy in the church in the front row staring at her mother 's coffin . She felt robbed again ; someone had given her back to her and now she was taken away ; this time for a lifetime . This couldn 't happen ; Lidia forgot she was getting older it wasn 't like Aggie had not lived a life . Cindy and Jack with Jackson and Kathryn sat behind Lidia . Amanda and Stuart were next to them with tears streaming down Amanda 's face . Lucy had come back to be there as support for the " Q " Factor group ; the people she grew to love in such a short time . Lidia felt so alone now even though she knew she had Tommy ; this wouldn 't last Sandy would back someday to take her son back . Who would Lidia have then ? The " Q " Factor group stood up to carry their mentor to her last resting place . The coffin had the last quilt that Aggie had ever made tucked inside to keep her soul warm as she rest her fingers and her soul forever . The rain fell and tears continued for many months for Lidia . The group meet one last time to have a farewell party for Caleb , Lisa , Nick , and Aggie . As the sun set deep into the night Lidia closed her eyes seeing each person that had once belonged to the quilters group over the ten years she took part . She saw Agnes , the one who was her mentor and her mother , Nick the one who lost his love then found her again ; then through a twist of fate lost his own life . Then there was Cindy , who learned the hard way how it felt to lose someone who should have touched her life . Amanda : the dreamer of owning her own place found love and her own place to cook food . Lisa , the only one who cared about her health found out she had breast cancer that took her life soon after . Lucy she came to our group six months after Lisa died . She had a smile that lit up the room and made us all . Lucy came in and left so fast it was a shame she had to move so soon after arriving ; she did come back for Aggie s funeral her support will never be forgotten . Then there was Tommy he touched my life more than I could have ever imagined . Sandy got better and came back for her son . After six months she saw how he missed me his second mom . She brought him back knowing it was easier for everyone . She still comes and visits him every month . The loss of Agnes took a toll on all of us . We never met for quilting again the quilt we made as a family still hangs in the restaurant today forever loved . The ' Q ' Factor Chapter 6 Sandy Gave birth to a healthy baby boy just like she saw in her dream . She named him Tommy Nicholas Camp . Sandy stayed where she needed to be ; she still didn 't believe it to be totally true that Nick was gone ; she tried to believe it but every night in her dreams Nick came to her kissing her and holding her as he always did . The group went to see little Tommy when he was in the hospital waiting to be placed in foster care . They felt it was a shame he would never know his father but what made it worse was that his mother may never know he was real , alive and needing him . They took many photos of Tommy so they could always see this boy who looked so much like his father . They hoped one day Sandy would come home and have her son and see the photos of when he was a baby . Lidia was feeling excited again knowing the group was meeting that night . Aggie asked her if she could come an hour before everyone else so they could have that talk she promised a longtime ago . She wondered what it was all about . All she wanted to know was why she always called her " sweetie " It was surely not a big deal . Agnes opened the door for Lidia and had her sit on the couch next to her . Lidia noticed there were photos spread out on the table before her . She wondered how this could have anything to do with her . " Lidia , you asked me that night while looking at photos why I called you ' sweetie ' all the time . I think it 's time I told you the story behind that . " Lidia looked at Agnes in shock she looked so serious AND she called her by her real name ! " I 'm listening " " First let me ask you something ; do you remember your childhood ? " " Aggie what does my childhood got to do with this ? You 're not making sense " " just answer the question Lidia , do you remember your childhood ? " Lidia sat for a few moments . She always expected her past would come back to her one day but at this point she had no idea what had ever happened when she was young . " When you were a baby , I couldn 't take care of you . Your father wouldn 't help and you were sick all the time . So " sweetie I handed you over for adoption so a happy childless couple could take care of you . " While she spoke she bent over to the table and picked up two baby photos . The baby in one photo had a smile held in time on paper . " Is this baby me Agnes ? Are you saying that you 're my mother ? " Because if you are then why would you send me away ? " " I had no choice sweetie ; your father was a lot older than me I was only 16 when I had you . He was always out getting drunk all the time and then I found out he was with other women . He left for some young bimbo in the end . I couldn 't handle trying to take care of a baby ; your my Sweetie , I called you that the whole time I had you in my life . When I heard you were coming to the group I wasn 't sure I could handle having you so close without you knowing who I really was . Once I met you again I couldn 't tell you the truth , I was concerned you would walk away and never come back . We have lost a lot of people who mean a lot to us so I felt that you deserved to know the truth " . Lidia 's head was spinning why is she was telling me this now ? She thought . " I don 't care how much we 've been through she yelled at Agnes you shoulder NEVER given me up look how poor little Tommy has no mother or father and he may never know his mother ! Sandy can 't think for herself let alone a child but you ! You can and you should have ! I needed you ; if I were as sick as you say then I needed my mother to take care of me . You 're so weak to give up ! I can 't believe you gave up . You don 't give up on your quilts ! " " Sweetie that 's different " " STOP calling me that I HATE it " Lidia had had enough ; " I 'm leaving I can 't sit here and listen to anymore or act like things are okay because they 're not ! " Lidia slammed the door behind her feeling the tears build up and well out over her face . All she could think about was the loss she had for her entire life . Lucy liked the idea the bank paid for the movers to come in and do all of all the packing . She was ready for a change now that everyone got used to the idea . The sooner they moved and settled the better . She studied all about Maine on the internet so she knew the children would have decent schools to attend . This helped her feel more relaxed about moving them from their environment . They had two days left before they had to travel . Lucy made sure she let all her friends in her patchwork club know where to contact her just in case they were ever in the neighborhood . " Everyone , listen up , " I need to tell everyone something " Agnes stood up to get everyone 's attention . " I had a phone call last night from Lucy Bancroft . Her family is new to the area . She saw the ad I had in the paper about our quilting group . She would like to join us . She will be here next week . How does that sound ? " Everyone liked having new members ; the last time was Lidia several years ago . " Tell us a bit about her " " She 's married with three children ; she has been quilting for ten years . Her husband works for the bank . This is why they 're moving they needed him in a new branch " " Yes that 's right the bank is next door to MY restaurant " she yelled a bit too loud for everyone to hear . Everyone stared at her not knowing what she was talking about . " So much was going on at the time with Caleb and Lisa ; then Nick got married so I just figured I would wait for the right moment to tell everyone " Mr . " Turner liked my offer on " Petite " ! " " I take over in three weeks ! How exciting is that huh ! " The next thing Amanda knew she was covered in hugs and kisses . " This is so exciting Amanda ; we will have to celebrate next week when Lucy is here ; make it a real party night . A new week has begun ; Lidia was starting to feel excited again about the group meeting tomorrow night . A new member and a party to celebrate Amanda buy " Petite " . We have a lot to celebrate when I think about it thought Lidia . We have Sandy who comes with Nick because she says we make her feel at home when we are all together . Then there is Cindy and Jack ( Jack works long hours at the hospital ) but Cindy comes with young Kathryn , who plays with the material while we are sewing and talking ( I 'm sure she is a budding quilter in the making ) ! Amanda may not be at the group much now that she has her own restaurant ; she has promised to pop in every so often to say hello . Then there is Agnes ; she misses Lisa as all of us do but she does get up every day and smile while she thinks of all the fun times she had with her . Tuesday night and Lucy is feeling a bit nervous and excited about meeting the new quilting group she is hoping to be a part of . The children have settled in school ; Heather complained for about a week . That was until she met this dreamy boy ( she says ) and now she can 't get to school fast enough ! She reminded Lucy a lot of herself at that age . Justin found the boys at the new school a mystery . He had come home from school the other day telling Lucy how they like taking lots of toilet paper and placing it all over people 's yards . Lucy laughed saying this happened in her day as well and thought it had died a longtime ago ! Little Samantha or Sam we sometimes call her . Likes having new girls to play with everyday ; she likes her new room and talks about how she will place many of her art works up soon . Ed has settled at work as well ; he says the staffs there seems pleasant and friendly to work with . It seems everyone had something but I thought Lucy . She cleared the breakfast dishes so she could get everything sorted for the group tonight . She hoped that everyone there would be friendly and easy to talk too . She knew that they would be shy of her at first ; but Lucy hoped to change all that as quickly as possible . Agnes rushed all over the house trying to be sure she had enough seats and everything was set for tonight . She had no idea why she was nervous but made herself push through this and kept working . As far as she knew everyone would be there tonight so it should be a good night had by all . Agnes decided the group would only party for some of the night . She wanted Lucy to have some time to sit and share something about her and her family . Plus she wanted her to do some sewing so she would fit in quicker . Only time would tell how well Lucy fitted in with everyone . The group were easy people to talk too so Agnes didn 't see any major problems ahead . The first person was at the door ; Agnes rushed to see who this could be . " Hey Aggie " , Lidia said knowing she wanted her to be Lucy instead ; Lidia hugged her and told her not to worry everything would be fine . " I thought I would arrive early to see if I could do something to help you out . " " Oh , thank you sweetie " Lidia still didn 't know if she liked being called " sweetie " she must ask Agnes why she calls her this and no - one else in the group . The dining room looked all set and ready for everyone tonight , the doorbell rung as Agnes was about to place more food on the table . " Good evening Aggie how are you ? " Cindy walked in without Kathryn . " Cindy where is Kathryn ? I was looking forward to some cuddles with her " " Sorry Aggie she has a cold so Jack is taking care of her tonight ; maybe she will be better for next week " . " Fair enough , now go get settled with a cup of coffee while I make sure Lidia isn 't lost in the other room " . Agnes had asked Lidia to look through some photos that had been taken over the last few years of the group . She felt that by having these to look through it might be a way of bringing back some fond memories for everyone . She felt that this might help break the ice for Lucy as well . Lidia was busy going through them as Agnes walked in . " How 's it all going Sweetie ? " " Agnes may I ask you something ? " Lidia lifted her eyes from a photo of her and Cindy laughing while they were hand sewing a quilt . " Yes sweetie you may ask me anything you like " Agnes sat down beside Lidia on the bed as Lidia began . " I have always wondered why is it you call me sweetie ; and why nobody else in the group ? " Agnes Laughed from deep inside her . " Lidia , I 've been waiting for you to ask this for so long now . I want you to listen to the story but I fear we will have to wait until tomorrow . We have guests coming remember " The sigh was deep and heavy ; Lidia didn 't want to wait another day . But she knew she couldn 't push it with Aggie not tonight . Soon after Nick and Sandy arrived ready for a party and some sewing gossip ! It was 7 : 30 pm and no sign of Lucy . Everyone decided they would start and have her join in when she arrived ; she might be shy and nervous about meeting them . Amanda arrived late and stayed for an hour ; then she had to do more prep for tomorrow menu . Lucy stood outside feeling the excitement as she rang the doorbell . " Good - evening you must be Lucy ; my name is Agnes ; please come inside and meet the group " . " Thanks you Agnes I 'm glad we have finally met " Lucy stepped in and was lead to the lounge were everyone was laughing and having drinks . " Have I come on a bad night ? " Lucy looked concerned . " No , we 're having a celebration . Amanda over at the table has bought a restaurant in town . It 's called " Petite " " I 've seen it my husband works in the bank next door " " That 's amazing it 's next door to the restaurant " Amanda said with excitement " now we have another reason to celebrate ! " Nick and Sandy stood up as Agnes told Lucy who they were . Then Lidia placed her hand out " Welcome to the group " . Standing up Cindy looked at Lucy and smiled " We 're all so happy you have joined us . " Lucy ' come and have something to drink and some nibbles while you tell us more about yourself " Cindy felt her ear twitch wanting to take it all in but she was no longer into making other people 's business her business . She stopped talking only because she wanted to get to know Lucy . Once she had something to drink and eat ; Lucy sat down next to Agnes and started to share more about who she was . " I 'm thirty - four years old ; I 've been married to my husband Ed for fourteen years . We have three beautiful children ; Heather is thirteen , Justin is eight and little Samantha is six years old . I have been quilting now for ten years ; I have had some of my quilts put into show and have managed to place second a few times so far . " Sipping on her coffee , she hoped this was enough for now . She was ready to get into her patchwork she had started before the move into town . After everyone had a few drinks they sat down ready to do what they had missed doing " patchwork " was a fun night for everyone . Lidia sat next to Lucy and watched her work ; she seemed to work with such speed and smiled the whole time she worked , even when she had to un - pick her work ! Who smiles when they have to un - pick she thought ! The next six months flew by quickly as everyone would arrive with work in hand ready to sew away . There was a show coming up and everyone wanted to have something in the show to represent who they were a group . Agnes started them on a block each to work on ; something that meant a lot to them and would show anyone who looked at the quilt could see something from each person within the quilt . Lidia found she was excited doing this project ; it meant a lot to her to make something special about the group . After thinking long and hard she knew what she would do . Sandy being new to making quilts found the block a challenge . She was grateful her husband knew so much about quilting or she would have to ask Agnes or Amanda what to do . At night when they were on their bed they would sit together working on their projects . If Sandy ever felt stuck she only had to ask the man she loved so much . Everything in life was going so well for them ; she 's so thankful for Agnes and the rest of the group who helped Nick become the man she had always wanted him to be . Sandy found that men in general always thought about themselves but when she met him this first time five years ago he acted like the perfect gentleman . As the months progressed they seemed to have fallen in love . Soon after they married Nick changed ; he would do things he wanted when he wanted no matter what she would be doing . Quite often she would come home to find he was out and would stay out . She found she was alone more than she had Nick at home . She took up painting as something that would help keep her calm and at peace with how her life seemed to turn out . The day he turned to her and told her he was leaving didn 't surprise her ; he hurt her that he could walk away as he was doing but if this was best then so be it . Not long after she had heard through his parents that he had been dared to join a craft group by his co - workers . She was surprised to hear how quickly he had changed . Now she has him again ; this time he is a different person . More caring and a lot more sensitive to her needs ; He would bring her flowers while she slept in the morning ; with breakfast as well . Sandy smiled as she thought of her husband and couldn 't wait to see him after work . She had planned a special diner for the love of her life . Nick 's day had been very busy with a lot of building work needing to be completed within three months . The tension at work seemed to increase each day everyone turned up for work . He was hoping that things would settle down . He hated coming home with tension from work showing on his face . Tonight he decided he would go for a walk down by the beach before he went home . He knew this would help clear any sign of tension in his head . As soon as the clock showed five pm ; He put everything away and started to head toward the beach . It was good it was only a five - minute walk from the site ; he saw this as a chance to put in more walking time anyway . The breeze was cool but refreshing ; the sea was busy splashing the waves on the shoreline . There were birds flying overhead probably looking for food . The sun was starting to set ; Nick walked along the shoreline with the sand going between his now exposed toes he could feel the tension draining from his body . Nick was absorbed in his on world he didn 't hear someone come from behind him . The last thought he had was of his wife waiting for him at home . Sandy had everything ready for Nick waiting on the table ; she fixed a special meal for him tonight hoping to have a talk about where their lives were going to head in the future . But he was late . " Where are you Nick " she thought with concern as well . Two hours had gone by and still Nick wasn 't at home . Sandy picked up the phone and rung Agnes to see if maybe he had shown up there with his patchwork ( he was having trouble with getting something right on his block ) . " No Sandy I haven 't seen Nick since out meeting last week ; let me call everyone to see if they heard from him " Sandy hung up the phone more worried now than ever . This wasn 't like him to not be home by now or at least call her if he was going to be late . She decided she couldn 't wait alone ; she grabbed the keys on the side table and rushed out the door . As she opened the door Agnes and the group were standing at the door . After many hugs and kisses she sat down and started to weep knowing in her heart that something terrible had happened to him . Thirty minutes later there was a knock at her door . Agnes offered to answer for her but she refused to let her . " Mrs . Camp , I 'm Officer Williams from the police station " Sandy 's legs started to shake . She wasn 't sure she wanted to hear anymore . " May I come inside Mrs . Camp " ? She motioned for him to step in and take a seat on the couch . He saw she had a few people there and asked if they could go into the kitchen to talk . She looked at Agnes pleading in her eyes for her to come with her . Agnes nodded and went with the officer . " Mrs . Camp when was the last time you saw your husband Nick ? " " This morning before work , he left early because they have a job that needs to be completed . He wanted to have as much time as he could to get the work done , why officer do you know where he is ? Tell me I want to know I need to know " Where is Nick " ? Sandy tensed her body for the words she knew in her heart he was about to speak . " Mrs . Camp , I 'm truly sorry to have to tell you this . We believe your husband 's body was found down by the beach " As she heard the words " his body " she fell to the floor . Her body began to shake uncontrollably as she felt the tears flowing down her face . Agnes too was crying as she tried to hold Sandy while she wept for the man she loved so much . " Mrs . Camp I know this is hard for you ; I wish I didn 't have to say this but we need someone who knows Nick to come to the morgue to identify his body " . Hearing this word made her cry even more she thought she would lose control . Out in the lounge Lidia was sitting on the couch talking to Amanda whispering so they wouldn 't distract from what was going on the kitchen . But when she heard Sandy scream Lidia along with Cindy and Amanda ran into the kitchen ( Lucy felt to stay in the lounge and wait ) . They could see Sandy was weeping beyond control ; Agnes was trying to comfort her while the officers stood there not knowing what to say next . " Sandy , what 's going on Lidia asked as her voice started to shake . Sandy heard Lidia but had no voice to speak to her . All she could do was weep . Agnes looked at Lidia with the tears running down her face . Whispering so she wouldn 't upset Sandy anymore than she already was . " They found Nick 's body down by the beach . " Lidia couldn 't believe what she was hearing " NO , not Nick " She ran out of the kitchen and out of the house at this point she wanted nothing more to do with this group . She couldn 't handle losing her friends like this . How could this be she screamed to anyone who might be nearby . She didn 't care who heard her she was angry that another important life had been taken from her and more importantly from Sandy . Back inside the kitchen Sandy was sitting at the table , Agnes was holding her while Amanda made a herbal tea for everyone . Lucy knew he was gone but didn 't know him well . She stayed in the lounge and cleaned the room for her hoping that this would help in some strange way . " Mrs . Camp , I 'm sorry but I need I need you to come with me to the morgue ; we need you to tell us if this is your husband or not " . She looked at Agnes who held her tight and reassured Sandy that the sooner she went the sooner she could get some rest . There would be some plans made over the next few days . At the hospital with Agnes holding her tight so she wouldn 't collapse again ; Officer Williams took her to the bottom floor where the morgue was . The doors looked heavy , Sandy wasn 't sure if she could step inside to see her precious Nick under some sheet and no one told her if he was hurt . She couldn 't handle seeing him if he was hurt really bad . " Mrs . Camp he 's ready for you now when you 're ready " she thought who is ever ready to do something like this ? Her feet dragged on the floor as she struggled to walk . Agnes was her wall holding her so she wouldn 't fall . The room was cold and lifeless ; Sandy could feel why it was the " morgue " . As she approached the table a doctor who was standing on the other side lifted back the sheet that covered his lifeless body . Sandy looked at his lips the lips she loved being kissed by and that was all she could remember . Upstairs in another ward Agnes was talking to Officer Williams . " Thank you Officer , I know this part of your job isn 't easy " . Sandy will need all the support she can get right now . We won 't let her go through this alone " " When Mrs . Camp feels better give me a call so I can talk to her " he passed a card that had his details to Agnes . She thanked him again and then went into Sandy 's hospital room to sit with her until she woke . Lidia sat at home with Amanda , Cindy and Lucy wondering what to do now . They were in shock ; no one said anything as they sat crying . The group had once again changed ; would the group ever meet again after this ? Lidia couldn 't help but wonder . To lose two special people and a precious baby as well and all within a year was a lot for anyone to handle . Could the group get through this ? The hours went by with everyone sitting and crying letting out their anger at time with yelling and questions to God . " Again he took another life how could he do this again to us " Lidia spoke louder than she realized out loud . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . In Sandy 's hospital room Agnes sat watching over Sandy not knowing how long she would be unconscious for . The doctor said that it could take hours for someone who is in shock to wake up . She wanted to be there when she woke in case she needed someone beside her . Sandy was in awe of how her new home looked as she started at the big wide kitchen . She touched the oven and the wooden bench . She could see she would cook many meals for her Nick and her baby . She started to cook she wanted the diner cooked and waiting for Nick . Tommy was outside playing since he had come home from school he had taken his bag up to his room and then found his tanker in the sandpit . He had been there an hour already making those sounds a young boy does when the imagination runs wild . Half an hour past dinnertime and Nick wasn 't home . She dished Tommy 's meal out for him so he wouldn 't go hungry . Then waited patiently at the table ; She heard the door bell ring . Running to the door she opened it as she was saying " Nick , did you leave your keys somewhere " the door swung open with Nick pale standing there . Sandy screamed as she sat up sweat pouring from her forehead she had no idea where she was . Agnes shushed her and told her to lie down . " Nick Where is Nick he didn 't come home for dinner ? We were waiting for him , Where is he Agnes ? " " Oh Sandy don 't you remember what happened ? " No Agnes I was at the table with Tommy " , " who 's Tommy Sandy ? " " Our son , Nick and I have a son . He is about seven ; we were at the table waiting for nick to come home when I heard the door bell . I ran to the door teasing Nick he shouldn 't have left his keys at work but Agnes when I opened the door Nick stood there pale and lifeless what does this mean ? " " Sandy You don 't have a son and Nick wasn 't at the door sweetheart ; Nick was found at the beach don 't you remember going to the morgue ? You fainted and now you 're resting in the hospital " " Agnes please tell me this isn 't true I can 't lose Nick a second time and this time I will never see him again ! I need him Agnes I need him to help me with our child he has to be alive " Agnes didn 't know what to say ; she was afraid Sandy was taking her dream to far and believed she had a child . " Sandy darling listen to me Nick isn 't coming back , you saw him downstairs . You are imagining things you don 't have a son . Sandy that was only a dream " " No Agnes , you don 't understand we do have a son , I 'm pregnant with our baby ; Nick and I are going to have a baby " The next few days the group took over the details for Sandy while she rested no one wanted her to have to deal with anything else in her condition . The doctor said that for now the baby was fine but she had to rest as much as possible . Nick 's parents arrived and made all the funeral arrangements . Flowers arrived form Nick 's work plus donations to help Sandy as she goes through her loss . Once again the group had to sit in the same church to see off another precious member . As the coffin sat up - front and Sandy weeping Agnes couldn 't say for sure whether she would teach patchwork again . Nick should not have gone when he did ; this was without a doubt not fair in life . Nick had gone to the beach to relax before he went home to be with his wife and the baby he had yet to find out about . While he was there a stranger came up to him from behind and stabbed him so they could rob him of everything he had . This included his life ; why did the innocent have to pay with such a heavy price for those who are greedy in life ? As the months went by the police searched for Nick 's killer . Sandy struggled with the thought of raising a child on her own . She didn 't sleep well ; and didn 't take care of herself or the baby that was growing inside her . Lidia was concerned for her mental health ; she didn 't feel Sandy was thinking clearly anymore . Whenever Lidia would visit her at home she would hear Sandy talking to Nick as if he was sitting next her . " Agnes , I 'm worried about Sandy , she 's always talking to Nick like he is still alive , what should we do ? " Agnes 's heart ached for her special friends especially for sweetie . " I don 't know Sweetie ; maybe we should take her to see someone and see what they say " " Do you think she will let us take her Aggie ? " Lidia , Sandy and Agnes sat in the doctor 's office waiting to see what would be the safest solution for Sandy she had clearly not handled Nick 's death well and to have the killer still out there made Sandy worse . After an hour in with the doctor he felt Sandy should go to a facility that could take care of her until she became more stable . She had a baby due in a month so everyone was concerned she wouldn 't be able to take care of him when he was born . Sandy didn 't even understand what happened . In her new world Nick and Tommy and Sandy were happy . The group had a meeting to decide what to do from now on . They felt that maybe the group should wait awhile before they started up again . But Lucy the newest member in the group felt the only way to hold onto Nick or Lisa 's memory they should continue making beautiful quilts . Everyone hesitated yet could see where Lucy was coming from and agreed to wait until after Sandy had her baby then they would meet again . Two months after the funeral Nick and Sandy had a quiet ceremony at their home wanting to keep it simple for everyone who was still feeling emotional for Cindy and Jack . The day was as special as it was needed for the two who found each other for the first time . Even in their marriage before they didn 't know each other well . Now they 're happily in love ; a love deeper than they ever thought possible . Everyone from the quilting group made the wedding even though Cindy was still mourning her son . She wanted to be there for Nick and Sandy . Cindy painted on the happy smile she promised Jack she would keep on for the day . The happy couple left for a special honeymoon in Florida as Mr . And Mrs Ward ; Holding hands as they flew off into the sunset . Lisa found it hard to smile with everything that had happened over the last ten months . Everyone in the group struggled with how life had gone for everyone . Ben had moved into her place as they grew closer and more in love like she never knew love before . Happiness had become a part of her life now . Work was hard but she loved knowing her Ben was nearby . A few months after the wedding Lisa woke one morning feeling tired . She had slept well but her body was telling her she should sleep more . She rose out of bed went downstairs to make a herbal tea to see if this would help her body come alive again . Ben stirred when she moved but she whispered for him to sleep in some more . After her tea , Lisa jumped into the shower to feel more refreshed . She knew this would help her wake up more and then she would make breakfast for Ben . The shower was good and hot as Lisa washed her arms , but she noticed her Breast was sore . I must have slept on it funny , she thought . As she moved from her right breast to her left the pain brought tears to her eyes . Lisa decided she would do a breast examine while in the shower and alone ( while she was in school they taught the young women how to check for any lumps ) it was something Lisa never forgot . As her right - hand moved over her left breast as she was shown how too she could feel a lump near her armpit . Panic set in quickly making her heart race . What was this ? A cysts or worse ; no it couldn 't be worse she always ate healthy and exercised daily . There was no way this could be . Lisa quietly got dressed after her shower and went downstairs to make an appointment to see a doctor . She didn 't want to leave this for any length of time . She had too much to live for now that she had Ben . She decided not to tell anyone within the group for now . Everyone had been through enough as it was . She would wait until she knew more before saying anything . Lucy and Ed sat down at their dining room table to tell the children of what would be happening soon . Heather the oldest at thirteen would find it all the hardest . She was making friends in her school ; but she would adjust well in time . Justin who is eight will fight the idea all of about a minute then move back to his trucks on the floor . Little Samantha who is six won 't even know what it all meant . The news was pretty much taken how Lucy felt it would . Heather cried and told her parents that life isn 't fair as she stormed off into her room . Everyone in the Bancroft family would soon settle once the shift had taken place . Three weeks after Lisa found a lump in her breast she had a phone call from her doctor . He found that it was malignant ; he found while scanning her breasts she had many lumps within her chest . " What no Doctor you don 't know what you 're talking about , are you telling me I have cancer ? " " Miss Adams I would like you to come and see me this afternoon so I can talk to you in private . I think you need to see the x - rays as well " . By three o ' clock that afternoon Lisa was sitting in his office looking at her left breast like it was a photograph to admire . She couldn 't however admire the cancer that was throughout her breast and her ribs . When the doctor had finished explaining to her what this all meant ; Lisa walked out of his office numb . Life she thought is always too short to take it for granted . Everyone was finally going to have a night of quilting . The last few months had taken up so much time that no - one felt it was right to have their group time . Agnes and Lidia prepared fresh muffins for everyone to enjoy ; even Lisa would like them with all the bran in them . The door bell rung , " I 'll get that " Aggie , you keep baking " " Thanks sweetie " , Agnes yelled out to her as she placed another tray in the oven . Lidia couldn 't wait to see everyone again ; Nick and Sandy had a wonderful time in Florida . He was bringing all the photos to show everyone . Cindy had slowly gotten used to being a mother to her daughter Kathryn who she was bringing with her tonight . Amanda said she would be a little late but had some news to share so she said she would make it one - way or the other . Lisa was the only one who didn 't say for sure whether she would make it . She said something about being tired and wanting to spend time with Ben . Lidia wondered why she hadn 't called her in the last few weeks . She put it down too young lovers being in love . As the door opened Cindy passed Kathryn Rose to her saying " here , can you hold her a minute I need to rush to the ladies room . " Five minutes later Cindy came back in thanking Lidia for holding Kathryn . " Thanks for your help Lidia , Jack has had a stomach bug and spends most of the day in the bathroom ( laughing as she explained ) who wants to use the bathroom after one of his sessions . . . Not me ! " That 's okay Cindy I loved holding her boy hasn 't she grown . Cindy frowned for a second hearing what Lidia said . She had to push it all aside and move on . " Yeah she is six months old now . She is trying to crawl and place every little piece of fluff on the floor into her MOUTH ! The both of them laughed out loud while Cindy shook her finger at her daughter to show she wasn 't happy with this idea . The door went again with Nick opening it and stepping inside . " Hey everyone how are you I missed everyone " After a few hugs from everyone including Agnes who had come into see little Ka . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lidia tried to ring Lisa at work but they had said she was on vacation . This was odd because Lisa never mentioned she was going away . Lidia decided she would go to her apartment to see if she was there . Lidia knocked several times before Lisa answered the door . " Oh what are you doing here ? I can 't talk right now I 'm tired and need sleep Lidia can you please come back another time " Lidia was shocked to see Lisa she looked terrible . " Lisa what 's going on , I went to your work and they said you were on vacation Why are you acting like you 're on vacation when your clearly not ! " " Lidia , I don 't feel up to talking right now , can we talk another time " " No , I 'm coming in and you can 't stop me . You have some explaining to do " " Lidia I don 't know if I can talk about it . Everyone has been through so much already this year " . The alarm bells started to go off in Lidia 's head . " Well you might as well start talking because I 'm here until you tell me everything ! " Ten minutes into listening to everything Lisa had to say , Lidia had to excuse herself , her stomach couldn 't handle the thought of losing Lisa . Inside the bathroom with the door shut Lidia brought up her diner and then she cried for five minutes . She cleaned up and then joined Lisa back on the couch . " I 'm sorry Lisa for doing that ; I was surprised and found it hard knowing you 're so sick . Why didn 't you tell us ? " " You know everyone has been through so much , I didn 't want to add to this " " Lisa , come on we are family remember ? We go through everything together . What did the doctors say ? " " They say to get my life in order . They say I have not got long ; that the cancer is in my ribs and my breasts . They have nothing they can do for me now " . Two weeks later Lisa gave up fighting for her life . Ben was at a loss ; he missed his love so much . He planned out her funeral because her family had all moved away or was no longer around . It was hard for everyone within the group to deal with another loss so soon after Caleb . The funeral was held in the same church but this time it was raining and gloomy . Everyone sat in silence asking God why he took another person who should still be alive . Many tears fell from everyone daylong . Ben struggled all the way through . He loved Lisa to the point he was going to ask her to marry him . But two weeks earlier she told him they were no longer suited for each other and told him to never ring her again . Then Lidia called him up and told him what was going on . He cried for two days . Ben tried to see her but she wouldn 't open the door for him . He will always question why she locked him out of her life when she needed him most . The group had changed ; Agnes didn 't know if she could continue having everyone at her place . But that much change may hurt everyone ; during a meeting everyone agreed to keep going because they felt Lisa would want them to create more amazing quilts . Six months after Lisa died the group had made a quilt in honor of Lisa . It hung in Ben 's home so he could always think of her . The quilt was full of all the healthy food she loved to eat and a photo of her designed into the quilt . The quilt read " In Loving Memory of Lisa Adams , we will Never Forget Her " A year had passed since Nick sat in the hospital with Sandy . She recovered from her injuries and he courted her for eight months then asked her to marry him again . The love they felt for each other was stronger than ever before . No - one could fault that . Lisa enjoyed her time with Ben , spending all their free time together . The quilting group were happy she had met " mister right " Every Tuesday she would come to the group with something new he had done for her . The smile that seemed glued to her face was always there . She made Quilts that were bright and happy looking with wonderful bright yellows and deep reds . Two weeks after Sandy 's accident the group were sitting and laughing enjoying each other company . " Hey everyone " , Cindy wanted everyone 's attention . " I have something to tell you but wanted to be sure Sandy was okay first . Jack and I found out we 're going to have our FIRST baby ! " The screaming and jumping that came from everyone including Nick filled the room and beyond . Everyone was grabbing Cindy and hugging her she could hardly breathe . But Cindy didn 't mind , if felt good to know so many people cared about her . No - one could do any more patchwork that night . The laughter filled the air the happiness was shining , nothing could be any better than seeing everyone so happy . Agnes couldn 't help think this as she watched everyone talking . Waiting in the foyer of the restaurant that Amanda was going to own one day , she sat patiently waiting for the present owner . Amanda had a meeting with him to see if he would think about selling her the restaurant . She had heard he was hard to talk too but she wouldn 't know unless she tried . The restaurant " Petite " was known for its fine dining but Amanda wanted to change that . " Fine dining " is special but she wanted to have a jazz band playing and have steak and chicken on the menu instead all of the fancy items you can see in many restaurants these days . She heard Mr Turner coming out of the office ; she rose to greet him with her handout as a friendly gesture . " Hello Mr . Turner thanks for taking the time to meet me today . " " Good afternoon Miss Wild come sit in my office " " Mr Turner , as you may know I have been looking for the right place for me to own and run . I like the look and feel of this restaurant . I am hoping that today I will have an offer you couldn 't refuse " . . . Cindy was starting to look like she was carrying an elephant but was only four months pregnant . She never imagined pregnancy would be so tiring early on . They had an appointment to meet with the doctor today and have a scan to see how the baby was doing . She was nervous hoping the baby would have five toes and five fingers and everything else a baby should have . How have other women managed being pregnant she wondered ! Sitting in the waiting room holding hands Cindy found it hard to keep her mind focused on anything else other than the baby . Jack was reading some car magazine when their time came to see the doctor . " Good afternoon Mr . And Mrs . Jacobs how are we today ? " " To be honest Dr . Hope we 're a bit nervous we have not seen a baby like this before ; we don 't know what to expect . " " It 's normal to feel like this Mrs . Jacobs ; we always scan to see how the baby is . This helps us know how the baby is doing ; how have you been feeling ? " " Well , I have been sick a lot lately . I was told this would settle down after the third month " Nodding his head he explained how every pregnancy is different and that it was a good sign of a healthy pregnancy . " I 'll need you on the table so we can have a good look at the baby . Mrs Jacobs place this robe on and wait for me here " Lying on the bed with a funny robe on Cindy wanted this over ; she wanted to know for sure their baby was healthy . Dr . Hope turned on the machine and placed a gel all over her stomach . Jack was standing at the head of the bed holding her hands as the doctor started to scan for their baby . He was quiet for a long - time Cindy thought . " Dr . Hope is everything okay ? What can you see ? How is our baby ? " " Mrs . Jacobs you need to be patient with me there is a lot to look at before I say too much Give me another few minutes . " This felt like a lifetime to Cindy . The doctor finally started to explain what he was seeing . " Here I need the both of you to look at the screen now " you can see the head ( as he was pointing to the screen ) we could see a round circular head as he said on the screen . Jack and I looked at each other , the tears were flowing ; our baby IS real . The doctor continued . " Here is your baby 's heartbeat which is a strong heartbeat . There are five fingers and five toes . What I want you to look at here can you see this arm here ? " " Cindy focused on the arm he said was there but it didn 't seem right how could the arm be where was ? " What 's wrong with our baby Doctor how can the baby have an arm by it 's leg ? " He laughed calmly said " Mr and Mrs Jacobs your baby is fine . The arm you 're looking at is the arm of your second baby Your having twins " Cindy shook her head and said " no way I don 't believe you are you for real ? " " Mrs Jacobs I have been a doctor a long - time and have seen many twin pregnancies . This explains your size and the reason you are still sick . Congratulations " Jack had to sit down ; he never imagined he would be a father to a set of twins . Double of EVERYTHING ! How could he do it ! How would he cope ? Cindy sat up on the bed and starred at the screen that showed the life of two of their babies . How did they manage this ? How would she be as a mother of twin babies ? While sitting at the table we were making our quilts while Lidia and Agnes had a cup of coffee . " Lidia , how are you feeling these days ? You seem in another world sometimes " A deep sigh comes out of Lidia 's lips . " I 'm sorry Aggie I do have somethings on my mind " " Would you like to talk about it Sweetie ? " Lidia 's heart ached at thinking about the lost years with her mother . " Aggie , promise me this won 't get out at our group session " " Sweetie , what you and I talk about will always stay with us , it 's nobody else 's business but our own " " When I was thirteen my mother was killed in a car accident " " Oh , that is sad sweetie , what happened ? " " She was coming home and was hit by a tanker , she died instantly ! It was hard Aggie losing mom that way but there is something else about that day something I have never told anybody " She took a deep breath and continued . " Mom had been drinking her and dad had a huge fight about something dad had done . She had left angry had a few drinks at a bar then she died ! Dad never forgave himself and has never told me what happened to make her leave like that . " " Oh my , that is horrible Lidia , have you asked him what happened for your own peace of mind . " " I tried when I was twenty - two years old . I started to ask him when he had to go . So I never got a chance to ask him " Agnes stood up and lifted her out of her seat and then held Lidia while she cried tears long overdue for her mother . Lidia had become close to Agnes like she was her grandmother or mentor maybe . Either way Agnes had become a big part of Lidia 's life . The day was looming for Nick and Sandy 's big day . He would have Sandy as his wife again . He made sure that each quilter 's group member had their invitations even though Cindy was close to having her twins . He knew that bringing into the world two babies meant more in their own right than Sandy 's and his wedding . He would forgive her if she couldn 't make it . Nick had asked Sandy if she would wed him at their home in the backyard where she used to paint . This meant much more to Sandy than Nick ever knew . He could see by the look on her face she was fighting back tears of joy . Jack and Cindy were sitting down for dinner when Cindy felt a twinge she never felt before . She started to shake as she looked up at Jack as if say " this is it honey " He saw the look on her face and knew instantly they were going to be parents soon ! The drive to the hospital took a long - time , cars were everywhere and traffic was slow . Cindy could tell her body was doing something different . Her stomach hurt a lot then the muscles would tighten hard . They told her that this would happen when she was going into labour . The hospital was in sight which made Cindy 's heart race knowing the day had come were her life would change forever . Once settled in a room Jack went to call all the family and friends so they could help support them through something they knew nothing about . Jack could hear Cindy screaming from each contraction that grew in intensity each time . Agnes was home when he called and she was going to let everyone know from the group so he knew that soon they would be there for them . He was thankful for the group , they had taught Cindy so much over the years since she started to attend and make beautiful quilts . He couldn 't wait to have them there for Cindy especially . Her mom and dad lived - in another town so they would be four hours before they arrived and by then this could all be over ! Two hours later with everyone sitting in the same waiting room where Sandy was taken and Lidia 's mom died ; everyone was pacing the floor trying not to look worried . The doctor had told Jack that one of the twins was breach so they needed to take her to surgery . Jack couldn 't believe Cindy had to go through this alone ; he was beside himself pacing more than the others and checking the hallway for any sign of the doctor . Thirty minutes later and everything changed for Cindy ; she had been given something to help her sleep so they could perform a Cesarean Section to try to save the babies . One was in trouble because he had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and needed to be delivered soon or he wouldn 't make it . Being breech this can happen the Doctor assured Jack and Cindy as she was heading to the theatre . " Mr . Jacobs " Jack raised his head from between his hands afraid to hear what the doctor might say . " Mr . Jacobs I 'm sorry to have to tell you this ; we didn 't make it in time to save your little boy , the oxygen had been cut off from his tiny brain for too long . I 'm sorry Mr . Jacobs . " Mrs . Jacobs and your baby daughter will be fine . She is healthy as you would want with all her toes and fingers ; she has a good crop of black hair as well . I know this is hard for you to have all different kinds of emotions right now . Mr . Jacobs please know we did all we could for both of your children and Mrs . Jacobs be strong for your wife she will find it hard to take in when she wakes up " The shock was overwhelming for Jack . There was a part of him hurting he had lost his son . Then there was part of him who was elated he had a healthy daughter ! " Tell me Doctor , when can I see Cindy ? I want to be the one to tell her " " Give her another twenty minutes to wake up and then you and only you can go and see her for ten minutes . " " Thanks doctor . . . . . For everything " Three days later everyone gathered at Agnes 's home before the funeral . This day was supposed to be Nick and Sandy 's special day . But they couldn 't have their day until they knew the funeral had passed . They needed to think of Cindy and Jack . Cindy was sore from the delivery . Sore also from her loss that no mother should ever experience ; she found it hard to pick up little Kathryn Rose . The daughter she dreamed of holding and loving with all she had only a few months ago now was in her crib crying for a loving touch . The funeral was in an hour ; Cindy couldn 't move off the bed ; she felt frozen in time . Inside she asked herself what she could have done differently to save Caleb . If only she had known more about this . Why didn 't the doctor tell her about this ? Warn her she thought deep in her soul . The pain was more than she could bear . Poor Kathryn needed her yet she couldn 't touch her ; any time she heard her she could only see Caleb in the morgue laying there cold lifeless , with no sign of love in his face . Cindy fell to the floor weeping into the carpet her hands were flying all over the place trying to hit whatever came into contact . Soon Jack was with her on the floor taking the hits as her fists kept swinging at him but in Cindy 's mind she was hitting God ; she was so upset at him for taking their son . She would find it hard to forgive him for this . To put Jack and her through this ; she was told he is about life and not death ! So why would he take a child ; one that had no life with his parents or his sister ? This was the hardest thing she had ever been through . Now she was going to have to hold her head high . Be strong for Jack and Kathryn who she had to find the love this child would need to survive in life . The church felt cold inside ; maybe that is how churches are when someone dies . Agnes had arrived first in her black dress and black stylish hat . She looked burdened thinking of Cindy and Jack . The group had changed in a matter of months from a laughing happy group ; to sadness and not much quilting since the death of Caleb . Lidia arrived soon after taking hold of Agnes and weeping more into her shoulder . Not even the soft whisper from her mentor made this any easier for Lidia . She had found Cindy someone who may not be easy to get along with . She still felt losing a child is something no one should ever go through . The two walked slowly to their seats close to the front by Cindy 's request . Jack was sitting next her holding her like she would fall over without the support . She seemed like a doll sitting there motionless , empty but hurting at the same time . Kathryn was with her nanny in the waiting room in the church ; Cindy didn 't feel she could handle a crying baby during the service . Amanda arrived and sat next to Lidia who held her hand to let her know she was glad she made it . Lisa and Ben walked in and together sat next to Amanda ; the mood was somber and dark between them . With a tap on Ben 's shoulder he looked up to see Sandy and Nick was taking their seats next to him . It was time to say their goodbyes to a young soul who only briefly knew life . Three months had passed since the night she meet everyone . It was Tuesday once again . Lidia 's heart raced knowing she was going to have a pillowcase completed to show everyone . She hoped they would see all the hard work she put into it . As she stood at the door she hesitated ; would they see she had to change the pattern a bit when she cut the fabric wrong ? Just as she was about to ring the doorbell Agnes opened the door . " Hello sweetie ( Lidia cringed , she wasn 't sure she liked the name " sweetie " ) Come in , we 're waiting for Nick to arrive so make a coffee while we wait . The lounge seemed different tonight ; everyone was talking loud as if they were trying to talk over everyone who sat in the room . Lisa had something on her lap ; so did Cindy . In fact everyone had something on their laps . She no longer wanted to show off her pillowcase ; all she wanted to do was go home . She had a feeling her pillowcase wouldn 't be like what they had to show . The doorbell went off again and the door then opened with Nick and his smiley face appearing out of nowhere . " Good evening all , how 's your day been ? " Everyone mumbled they had days that couldn 't go fast enough and then went back to their chatter among themselves . " Nick I 'm making a coffee would you like me to make you one ? " " Yes I would love a coffee please " Nick liked his coffee strong and with three sugars . Lidia wasn 't sure why he had it so strong if he had to have so much sugar . Maybe she thought he should try milk with it as well . " Coming right up " Nick was a strange man ; coming to a quilting group with all women . She had meant to ask him why he started a woman 's craft . Later tonight she would ask him . He told Lidia two weeks ago how he and his wife Sandy had divorced . He admitted he only ever thought of himself ; leaving Sandy to have a better life was best for her . He explained how his co - workers felt he needed to learn more about how a woman ticked . They dared him to join a craft group where he would soon learn about women and their sensitive feelings . He felt they were being arrogant and wanted to prove them wrong . One day he searched through the paper and found an ad for this quilters group . He joined to show his work buddies they didn 't know him at all back then ; Nick hasn 't stopped since . " Yeah , " said Nick " I realize now that I 've been coming here for a year I didn 't know women at all . I felt they whined and moaned because they could . Now , I know that a woman has special needs . If I had known this when married to Sandy ; it would be different now " The frown on his face showed Lidia he had become a man who cared about others when he made it clear he never used to care about anyone but himself . She noticed after three months of coming here she wasn 't as shy as she used to be . She wondered what else this group had seen happen over their time together . Cindy was always trying to find out more information about her mom . Lidia soon learned who the gossip was in the group . There always had to be one in every group . She made sure she didn 't reveal too much to her whenever they were sitting next to each other . Cindy and Jack had been married for just over a year now . They 've been trying to have a baby for six months ; Lidia could see the strain on Cindy 's face each month since they met when she would share she was still not pregnant yet . Lidia thought she shouldn 't rush trying to be a parent . Children are time - consuming ; Lidia didn 't feel Cindy was mature enough to have children at the moment . Amanda always intrigued Lidia with her daily appearance of jeans and a top no matter if it was raining outside or not . She often wondered why she would love wearing them all the time . She had mentioned one day that she would own her own restaurant one day . She once met Gordon Ramsey and found him abrupt with his comments both good and bad . She almost left cooking school because he told her if she couldn 't cook scrambled eggs then she shouldn 't consider being a chef . That day someone else had taken over her station . The sloppy mess Mr . Ramsey received in front of him had nothing to do with her . He wouldn 't listen to her so she walked away to keep her head straight . Later she apologized to him and moved on in her life . Now she is thankful he had come in that night . " Oh , yes after you showed me how to cut the fabric and how to quilt by hand ; I went home and slowly worked on this pillowcase . I did make a mistake in the cutting but still managed to save the pattern " Agnes liked to hear how Lidia worked this out on her own . Lifting the pillowcase up for everyone to see and hiding her face to save any embarrassment . " Why Lidia , you did well for your first project on your own . " She could tell this was Agnes and was thankful for her encouraging words . " Yes I agree " Cindy stated with fact in her voice . Everyone had done a brilliant job with their quilts . The night went well I was sure everyone enjoyed themselves . Nick was a bit quiet even though everyone tried to get him to talk to us . Maybe he was feeling lonely now that he knew he had something with his ex - wife . I know that I had felt good as I crawled into bed with a smile in my face . Waking up early was never easy for Lisa ; she hates morning and the thought of getting out of her warm bed . She was enjoying her job ; she still hadn 't met " mister right " she felt lonely waking up on her own . Crawling out of bed she could hear Ferret her budgie chirping away ; he must be hungry . " Man " she thought " I hate mornings and I 'm always so tired anymore ; I must make sure I have more iron " . After breakfast of tofu and wheat toast she sat out on her balcony watching the sun begin to rise . She felt a sense of peace seeing the sunrise knowing it will do its job for the day . Now she had to go and do her job as well . The traffic was slower than normal ; turned out to be an accident earlier . Lisa knew she would be late for work . Her boss hated late workers but what could she do ? It was out of her hands . Thirty minutes late she finally stepped into the office . " I 'm sorry I 'm late Mr . Weakly ; there was an accident on the freeway " " Yes Miss Adams I heard the report on the radio ; can you work a bit harder this morning to catch up , I have that report due in today that has to be on my desk in an hour " The morning dragged for Lisa as she worked hard to get the report completed for Mr . Weakly . She managed to get it completed within an hour and a half and then had a much - needed hot green tea with her muesli muffin . She was hoping to get to the cafe ' for lunch today . She normally eats lunch at her desk but forgot to make something this morning . The cafe ' next door has a warm feeling any time she would come in to buy some water or get a hot tea to go . She didn 't like the idea of having lunch alone in the cafe ' but she didn 't know anyone at work . She liked keeping to herself most of the time . The cafe ' seemed busier than usual Lisa thought as she stood in line so she could give her order . People were talking among themselves . The three women working behind the counter were busy . " Excuse me miss , May I take your order " The voice shook her out of her thoughts of dancing in the moonlight with some stranger ( I wish ) she thought . " Could I have a wheat bread sandwich with chicken , lettuce and tomato hold the Mayonnaise please . Could I have a hot green tea as well thank you " Once her order was ready Lisa searched for somewhere to sit and enjoy her lunch but the place was busy . She felt a tap on her shoulder as she turned she saw a man looking down at her . " Would you care to join me ? " She could feel her cheeks turning red that a handsome stranger would offer her a seat . " Yes thank you that would be lovely " Lisa noticed he had jet - black hair and dark - brown eyes . He had a smile that made her feel excited . She didn 't know what that meant but she liked how it felt . He had a strong handshake plus he had a voice that sounded strong . " Where do you work Ben ? " " I work next door at the lawyers firm I 'm one of the newer lawyers there " . " What I work there as well I 've never seen you where do you hide yourself " Ben 's laugh made her heart race . " I started there last week ; so our paths hadn 't crossed until today " " How do you like it so far " ? Lisa hoped she hadn 't asked the wrong question with not knowing Ben at all . " I have to say that I love it . Was the best move I have ever made and now meeting you made it even better " Lisa felt her cheeks turn a bright red from his compliment she didn 't know what to say next . " Thank you Mr . Hicks I mean Ben " " I think your tea is getting cold maybe we should have our lunch " The conversation with Ben made her laugh a lot while enjoying their food . " Oh look at the time Ben I need to go back to work " " Yes I 'm afraid it 's time for me as well to head back , let me walk you " . Back in the office Ben walked her to her desk . " I like your space you have here " he said trying to find a way to ask her out " Thank you , it does the job " Lisa felt awkward not knowing what to say next . " Listen Lisa , Can I take you out for dinner Friday night ? " " I don 't know Ben we have only just met . " " I know , what a good way to get to know each other . Have dinner with me and if you don 't enjoy yourself then we don 't have to go out again I think we would have a good time " Ben took her hand and gently kissed her making her flushed and hot all over . " What a pleasure to have met you Miss Adams : until we meet again . " He stepped back with that warm smile Lisa couldn 't help but smile . " Until we meet again Mr . Hicks ; goodbye " . Lisa felt like all the air in her lungs had escaped her . " What just happened " she asked herself . She couldn 't wait until Friday and what will her friends say in the group next Tuesday ! Once her heart stopped racing from all the excitement , Lisa completed her day with faster speed and musical sound in her voice . Cindy felt eager again , Jack and Cindy wanted a baby so much . As each month passed and still no baby on the way , she felt herself sink into a sadness that only other married couples would understand . Jack and Cindy loved being married almost two years now . She hoped that when she went to see the nurse this morning the pregnancy test would show up positive this time . Standing in the kitchen she made a coffee and sat outside hoping , dreaming of what their child or children would look like . Our daughter she thought will have long blonde hair and blue eyes . I would dress her in dresses and put her hair into pigtails . I would take her out for lunches and to the zoo as well . I would have Jack teach her the piano since he plays so well . We would love her with all we have inside us and make her happy . If we have a boy , Jack would teach him baseball and take him to McDonald 's for lunch . They would go fishing and get all smelly from the fish . I know Jack would love him with all he has inside as well . Dreams are free ; this dream was one that needed to come true Cindy thought as she whispered " if only " . Nick hated being alone now that he saw how much of a jerk he was to Sandy . He wondered if he called here would she listen to him . As he sat in his office at home he couldn 't help but wonder this on a daily bases since he met the women at the quilters group . He thanked his co - workers after he had been going to the group for six months . He told them it was the best choice he made and told them they should try a craft as well . They laughed at him ; they couldn 't see themselves making anything other than buildings ! He knew they were losing out on something special so he decided to leave the subject , for now anyway . The office was getting warm as the afternoon sun drifted in past the drawn curtains . Nick gazed out the window and saw the cane chair that was Sandy 's favorite place to sit while she painted the trees or flowers or whatever her heart desired on the day . His heart sank as he realized she had such a talent that he never complimented her on . If any man could be a pig he knew he had been one . He jumped as the phone began to ring . He reached for the phone not knowing who was on the other end . " Speaking , may I help you ? " " Yes Mr . Camp , I 'm sorry to give you this news , this is County General Hospital calling . Ms Collins arrived by ambulance this morning after being in a car accident . She mentioned your name can you come quickly to the hospital ? " Nick felt his heart stop beating and a lump form in his throat . What if he never got another chance to tell her he was sorry ? " Yes , I will be there in fifteen minutes please how is she is she seriously hurt ? " " Mr . Camp she 's seriously hurt from a truck that went through the lights and hit her from side on . Her seat belt kept her from flying out the side window . You need to get here as soon as you can " " I 'll be right there " . . . . . . . Agnes knew that she had to keep going . She didn 't want to end her life as an old woman in a rest home when she got older , MUCH older . She pulled herself out of bed , Cesar was barking away wanting to go out and take care of his business . He wouldn 't wait long so she jumped up and raced downstairs . " Here we go again Cesar , why can 't you learn some much needed patience ? Out you go " The door slammed shut from a gust of wind as Agnes walked into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee . The doctors told her she should cut back but coffee in the morning makes the day run smoother she thought . She had finished the quilt top she started 5 months ago and was ready to place the batting and backing to it so she could quilt it and then bind it . The next quilt show was in three weeks so she knew she needed to start working soon . Agnes jumped as she heard the phone . " Hello Agnes Ward speaking " " Agnes it 's Nick here , I need your help . Sandy 's in hospital in critical condition can you come to County General ? " " Oh Nick I will be there shortly ; how bad is she " ? " She has some broken ribs and a ruptured spleen . She broke her right arm and leg ; a truck who failed to stop at the lights hit her car . The doctors said she has been so traumatized by the accident the shock may kill her " " Nick calm down I will be there soon " . Grabbing her keys of the mantelpiece Agnes rushed toward the door then she realized that if everyone could be there for Nick and Sandy then this might help him through this with so much support . Soon Agnes had called everyone and she was on her way . Everyone dropped what they were doing to help support Nick . When Agnes arrived everyone was sitting with Nick who looked exhausted . Agnes took hold of him and hugged him with all she had hoping this would help him . " Nick any word on how she is ? " " She is still in surgery ; they have to remove her spleen . The doctors said she will be in surgery for another hour or so . " We 're all here for you Nick You need to keep strong For Sandy 's sake . " " Hey Lidia how are you holding up ? Your looking a bit pale " Lidia was in shock , Memories of her mom came flashing back to her as she sat in the same hospital waiting room that she had when she was thirteen . Her hands were shaking and her heart was racing but she wanted to be there for Nick . That day still haunts her to she can 't think of anything else . It was raining that day when dad had a phone call from the hospital telling him that his wife , my mother had been in a car accident . The rain had blurred her vision as she was trying to turn a corner a tanker didn 't see her car . The car received the full force of the impact which made the car turn in three complete circles . She died instantly from the impact . Lidia hadn 't told anybody at the group what had happened . They would show sympathy until they hear the rest of the story . " Yeah Agnes I 'm all right I just need some fresh air , if you will excuse me Nick I will be right back . " Cindy had her hand on Nick 's shoulder and noticed how Lidia was acting strange and then walked out of the waiting room . She wondered what was going on . She wanted to rush after her to see if she would finally tell her what she was hiding . Cindy knew she was hiding something ; but so was Cindy . " Nick Lidia has stepped for a minute " She whispered in his ear ; " She will be right back " . To Nick however all he could think about was Sandy and how if she makes it out of this he was going to win his wife back whatever it took he would win her back . Lisa was sitting on the couch wondering what she could do to help Nick . She had made him a coffee and brought him a chocolate muffin . She found it hard to keep her thoughts on him after her night with Ben had gone so well . She started to drift away in her thoughts as she could smell his cologne on her blouse she wore . The night was magical ; Ben was such a gentlemen buying her tulips for the date ( her boss told him she often had tulips on her desk ) . He opened all the doors for her and would kiss her hand every chance that got . They had a reservation at Paris ' the nicest French restaurant in town . They laughed and shared their past with each other . Ben had lived close by all his life with his mom and dad and two younger sisters . Studied at Harvard University ; he wanted only the best education money could buy for his future and for his future wife he knew he would meet one day . With the twinkle in his eye Lisa wondered if he felt maybe she was that person . As the night grew to a close and she ate more than she should have , she didn 't want the night to end . Ben offered to take her home when she was ready so she took this opportunity to ask if a walk along the park might be something special . She enjoyed his touch and his smile . As they walked through the park he slowly took hold of her hand and lightly kissed it as he looked up at her with a warm passionate desire . She knew that this night had to carry on at her place . The smile on her face showed Nick that she was somewhere and not in the waiting room any more . He could tell there was someone special in her life . Only someone in love could look as she did with this glowing light all over her . He hoped that whoever stole her heart would treat her better than he did Sandy . Nothing was worse than realizing this too late . Lisa didn 't mean to be dreaming of Ben she had no idea Nick was watching her . He wasn 't the only one either ; Cindy was staring at her wondering what secret she wasn 't sharing . So too was Agnes and Amanda ; no - one had seen her smile like that before . Within her thoughts again Lisa saw how Ben held her at her door . How he lightly kissed her soft lips at first and then couldn 't help himself . He passionately looked into her eyes lifted her head and kissed her with such a heated passion she thought her knees would give out on her . Once the long heated kiss was over she whispered in his ear ; " Come in for a nightcap , I don 't want this night to end just yet " He smiled and agreed as she opened the door and quietly shut it behind her . The next morning he kissed her before leaving saying this was only the beginning of something special . Lisa heard a noise that was like a bang that woke her out of her dream . A nurse had dropped a tray at the nurse 's station . Then Lisa noticed the doctor was talking to Nick , everyone was standing around him listening to what the doctor was saying . . . . " Mr Camp Ms Collins your ex - wife has come out of surgery . She has had some major broken bones but as long as she can stay stable for the next twenty - four hours she should be fine . But of course the next twenty - four hours are the most important time for her . She needs your support to give her more to live for ; can you do this Mr Camp ? " Nick was numb and in shock he was so relieved he didn 't hear everything he said . Once the doctor said she should be he started to plan what he would do to win her back , the first step was to be by her side until she is well again . Agnes held Nick firmly as he was lead down the hallway to see his soon to be wife AGAIN . He was nervous and shaking he knew he was thankful for Agnes and the groups support . He must tell them later how much he loves them . Sandy looked weak but alive , Nick walked up to the bed and touched her soft skin something he never noticed before today . She 's a beautiful woman with her soft brown hair flowing past her shoulders even in hospital he couldn 't take his eyes off her . The tears were welling up as he bent over her bed and whispered he loved her and told her he would never leave her side again . He took a hold of her hand and squeezed it firmly in his . Her hand moved slightly in his , He knew then he had not yet lost her for good . He couldn 't stop the tears and wept for hours as she lie there beginning to mend her broken body .

I am daughter , although my parents have passed , a wife , mother and grandmother , and now another woman battling breast cancer . These are a few thoughts about my life and life in general . Some may be humorous , some serious - just like life . Come join me ! This weekend should prove to be very interesting . Simone gets to go to The Little Place in West Texas . It is a long trip from here - some five hours . Thankfully she does appear to like riding in the car . We are supposed to go to the Community Club Christmas Party tonight . I just am not sure about leaving her alone . It 's a case of getting to the house , taking things out of the truck , and going to the party . Simone has never seen that house . I 'm not sure what she will do . Here at home , she is getting very adjusted . Today was trash day . We have back door pick up . When she heard the trash cans rattle , she was very interested . She then did something she has never done - she barked . The only time I have heard her is when she was sleeping and having a dream . I had to go out again this afternoon . She hid the handset to the phone AND the tv remote . The handset was fairly easily found . The remote was in her crate . Oh , my - we are in for some interesting times . G said we will have to start putting things up more . Well , if I put the remote up somewhere , Sasha , B 's cat that I am fostering , will knock it down . Sasha loves to watch things commit " assisted " suicides . She will tap them until they fall off the surface they are resting on . We are trained to put glasses away - especially since most of my house has tile floors . I think she loves the sound of glass shattering . I think Simone keeps Sasha fairly honest though . Simone is cat friendly , but Sasha seems to push the envelop . She is always around . Sebastian is smarted than that . He has always been the black ghost cat , but it is even worst now , but Sasha is constantly running around in front of Simone . The only thing that beats having children is having " fuzzy " children . For those who are not animal people , the following statement is probably not " incredibly cute . " To me it is endearing as can be . Simone is a little thief . My suspicions have been proven in aces . On Sunday , I got my first inkling she had a shoe fetish . I left my dear ( $ 5 / pair ) moccasins in the bathroom . When I went into the bedroom , there was one . I checked and the other was still in the bathroom . Since I have a bad habit of not putting shoes into the closet , I noticed she had rearranged some other shoes . OK - no damage . Yesterday I observed her taking off with one of my shoes I had just taken off . I stopped that immediately , but still found it quite amusing . While I was out yesterday , I called G to tell him I had gotten the Christmas presents he asked me to pick up . He told me he left a message for me , so I called home to retrieve the message . When I got in , I noticed the light for the messages was still blinking . I began looking for the phone . It was no where to be found . When I went to the bedroom to change clothes , there it was on the floor . It was on . The thief had struck again ! Today when I came in here to the study , her new D * entabone was on the floor where she had left it . She is a sneaky one ! I 'm curious as to what else we are going to find out about her personality . I look at her and fervently wish I could roll time back to take away all the pain she must have endured . Her canines wouldn 't just break themselves . I really feel that she was kicked in the mouth or something along those lines because her sweet little tongue often slips out of her mouth . It gives her a certain character , but it isn 't normal . Even for a boxer . I think she is going to be a source of great stories . After all Boxers are the clowns of the dog world . Things have been jumping around here for the last week . The first thing was that I filled out an application to adopt a rescue boxer . We lost our boxer about four years ago , and I wanted another . We had two other dogs at the time , and at their ages it was not prudent to try to bring another dog into the home . Sam , the last one , died in July , and I felt it was the right time to put in my application . When I was checking the web site , I found a new boxer that would probably fit out needs . She liked cats and kids . Well , ok then . After several attempts to get the application submitted ( the first email address was incorrect ) I got a response stating that a volunteer would be calling me . She did , and we set the home visit . I felt almost like a was trying to adopt a child ! When the volunteer came , she had a beautiful flashy brindle female . She was so incredibly sweet . She is a real people dog . She obviously had not been given the attention she so wanted . She also was probably used as a " puppy mill . " It is obvious she has delivered many litters of pups . But she won my heart . Friday morning early , G was awake and moving about . I was awake wondering what was wrong with him when he told me to either call the ambulance or take him to the hospital . He was having chest pains . That will get your blood moving . I was set to take him . I had the car warming up since it was one of our unusual cold snaps , and he had complained he couldn 't ever get warm at work on Thursday . He said that the pain was worse . I called the ambulance . They got here after what seemed like an hour , but I know the response time was actually good . We are a volunteer service , so they had to get up and get to the station . G was a paramedic with them some years back . After their assessment , we all arrived at the hospital an hour later . He spent the day there getting treated like a pin cushion . He had an emergency stress test , Fortunately all was normal as far as the heart was concerned . Now he just has to heal the bruises from the needle sticks ! We were supposed to gGrandma K After I posted yesterday , I realized that I completely forgot to use spell check . It 's not that I am that much of a poor speller , it 's just that as a typist I make a much better speller ! ! I really make many typos . Probably the reason I make so many typos is that back in the dark ages when I was in school , my mother absolutely forbid me taking typing . She was so afraid I would become a secretary , and she wanted more for me . One of the ironies here is that she refused to type my papers for me . My high school was a college prep school , and every course had a term paper . What fun that was . Folks , this is before PCs . The other irony is that good secretaries these days make more than teachers . I think I could have been a great secretary . I also learned that if I go to blogger later in the day to try to redeem by post , I can just forget it . I guess they get so busy that I am constantly trying to edit and repost , but all I can do is to go through the password stuff again and again . I promise that I will not post again without going through spell check . G went along with me yesterday to visit my dad . The new activity director had three women pulled over in the dining area coloring . My dad was standing when we got there picking up a crayon . I could never ascertain if he was actually coloring with that group or not . When he looked up and G greeted him , there was clear confusion on his face . When he looked toward me , there was the same confused look . G " introduced " himself , and it was clear that the name meant something , but the look was still there . He said " and this is your daughter " to which Dad parroted back " this is your daughter . " We went to another table to sit . I was frantically looking for something to talk about . In a flash I pulled out pictures of Lady Bug and Monkey Boy . I asked if he remembered his great grandchildren , he , of course , indicated he did . I just don 't know where he is right now . He has been so successful at covering up all these years he remembers how to do that . My heart is ripped out of my body every time we go to visit . I told G that 's the reason I usually try to go with a crowd . You can see that Dad wants to participate in some kind of conversation , but he struggles to find the words . This must be incredible frustration . If K and the kids are there , he seems to be content with watching them and listening to our conversation . The down side of taking the kids is that the women in there revert back to the time they were mothers or functioning grandmothers . It really scared Lady Bug when they try to tough her . This is going to sound like a very proud grandmother , but the girl is stunning . She has the curls of Shirley Temple , and her face is beautiful . Monkey Boy is 16 months which in itself draws all the women to him , but he too is a very handsome kid . The last time I was afraid one of the women would hurt him without meaning to because she was sure that he was part of her family ( who fortunately showed up after a bit - and she didn 't recognize them ) . I pray every day that this terrible disease will pass me by , or that I get lucky and somethPosted by Yesterday I participated in our little incorporated suburb 's " Holiday in the Park . " It 's a fun little celebration where they bring snow in for the children of our city , and collect food for one of the shelters nearby . I was hesitant to go . I feared the weather wasn 't going to allow the event , but it didn 't rain until the whole thing was over , so it was a success . K and I started a little candle and crafts business about four years ago . We never have made a profit , but it was fun . I have been making jewelry this year , and began making purses also . K talked me into taking a vendor " s booth to sell these things . We also brought the candles along for good measure . The idea was " let 's get rid of these suckers . " We have had those candles for about 3 years . We are getting out of business with that particular brand because they don 't want us and other small dealers anymore . They have a new policy for ordering the candles . To order candles wholesale now , you must place a $ 500 order . When we first ordered , the minimum was about $ 150 . We have about $ 300 invested in the candles . Do you see where I 'm headed . If we placed a minimum now , she would inherit my half because I don 't think we could sell that many in my lifetime ! ! So we packed up the jewelry , purses ( including the cigar box ones ) , candles , and what we described as " fun purses " for the little girls , and headed off to the park . We really weren 't prepared to set up . The last time we set up was probably two years ago . We were a table short , so we were very cramped . We couldn 't display the items - namely the jewelry well . One woman came over to look at the jewelry . She found a set she was quite taken with . She asked if we had a mirror . Eghad , we never thought of THAT ! ! Needless to say , even though she said she would be back - she wasn 't . We severely slashed the candle prices . People who normally buy that brand saw the price , and bought . Now these candles are wonderful candles . I love them . I 'm just mad at their new policy for us small dealers . We always tried to sell them forPosted by I suppose this is going to sound like a rather negative post . Let 's just say that I need to vent , and this is my safe place . All in all Thanksgiving was really quite good , but there were some rough spots to get over . Isn 't that always the way when there are seven people living in 1700 square feet for about five days . The good part was that the turkey was just great . Son in law , S was going to fry the turkey this year - even though he had never done such a thing before . He had used the frier , but for catfish and shrimp . I fifteen pound turkey is another thing . He was banished into the north pasture ( I forgot to tell you we were in the Middle of Nowhere Hill Country place ) . It has been so dry up there I was very afraid of a fire . Let 's face it - a propane burner , four gallons of hot peanut oil and a dropped turkey could equal disaster . Husband was self proclaimed " Safety Officer " armed with a shovel and water hose . The shovel for the grass fire and the water to stop the flames on S . There was a minor mixup with the turkey . S thought I had the baster and I was sure this was his deal . The solution I came up with was to brine the turkey for about 4 hours . Not really long enough , but it worked . The parts to moan and groan over now come . On Friday , S was going to do ribs on the pit . G HATES beef ribs . What kind does S do ? You guessed it - beef . Our little pit is a side fire box smoker that CAN be used as a regular pit . Monkey Boy would not let me hold him at all this weekend , so S had him outside with him . When S asked for the bag of charcoal , I assumed ( I know the saying about assume ) he was going to set it in the main part of the grill and cook the ribs that way . Nope ! When I looked out the door , there were flames rising five feet from the tiny fire box . Daughter and step granddaughter were out hunting . K called on the radio . She shot something . G was going to take over at the pit . I walked out to see what was going on . The top door of the firebox was completely charred - paint burned off . The fire was entirely too hot . Posted by I guess this time of year really sends me back to yesterday ! Different things bring vivid memories back to me , and not all of them I want to remember . One that I remember with warmth is the " ceremony " of the " pulley bone . " Have you ever heard of the pulley bone ? That was one of my favorite things that went along with the Thanksgiving turkey . And since I was the only child , I always got one end of that pulley bone with Dad usually on the other . For this of you who have no idea what I am talking about , the " pulley bone " is otherwise known as the wishbone ! There is a commercial that shows two children making a wish over this bone . I began remembering my adventures with said bone . I couldn 't wait for that bird to be sufficiently devoured so we could get to that bone . That was the only thing I really wanted from old Tom Turkey ! I know there is another name for that blasted bone . Forgive me Dr Hartman but my anatomy lessons fail me now ! Humph , some biologist I am ! Use it or lose it , you know ! There is another memory that came flooding back to me . I hadn 't thought of it at all until I was reading another blog that it hit me ( someday I will learn how to put in links and will have my favorite sites over there on the side ) . She was a history professor , and commented that she will miss being behind a lecturn today . She loved to lecture on the JFK assassination . That is not the real memory that haunts me . The real one is that today , on that very day , I had the stupid idea to elope . Now if that doesn 't make for a terrible memory , I don 't know what does . I am so thankful that the plan was discovered , and there was an immediate stop put to it . I never set out to hurt my parents like that . I thought that at 18 I knew all there was to know , and I thought I wanted to marry this boy . It would have been such a horrible mistake . But I remember fleeing to my best friends house because I simply couldn 't stay in the same house with my understandingly distraught parents . But there on the news was coverage of JFK . And so , even though I try wiPosted by This morning I was watching " Today . " During the show , they went to various department stores in New York that were unveiling their Christmas windows . Those beautiful decorated windows sent me right back to my childhood in the 50 's . Joske 's Department Store in San Antonio used to decorate their windows every Christmas . I remember waiting with great anticipation seeing those beautiful windows . Of course to a young child , it was not only the wonder of those windows , but the great event that soon followed - Christmas Eve . Remembering that time , I also remember what a more simple time it was . Perhaps I really remember the " fancified " version that was popularized in TV programs like " Happy Days . " Those were really happy days . I felt safe and protected . I was unaffected by what was going on - even the Cold War with its threats of THE BOMB . My memories are like an old Christmas card in which the scene is a little out of focus . Very softened . Joske 's is gone now . Not the building , but the store . Since moving to Houston some 36 years ago , I have only been back to the building once . It is now part of the huge River Center Mall , but the feeling of that old store is the same . I spend many hours in that store . I would get on the bus at the corner of my street and ride downtown . That was nothing new for me . I would get on the bus every Saturday morning for two years to ride to my church located downtown to attend confirmation ( I am Lutheran ) . When I got older , but still couldn 't drive , I would ride downtown on summer days . I was an only child of working parents , and I really got bored . SO downtown I went . It was a little walk from where I would get off the bus , but Joske 's was my destination of choice . When I got my driver 's license , I would still go to Joske 's . I would buy LP 's there ( for those who don 't know they are the bid 33 1 / 3 records ) . I had quite a collection although mostly off beat performers . Those records were inexpensive , and I was into the " oldies " that orchestras like " Silver Strings " would play . To me their music Grandma K This morning I was watching " Today . " During the show , they went to various department stores in New York that were unveiling their Christmas windows . Those beautiful decorated windows sent me right back to my childhood in the 50 's . Joske 's Department Store in San Antonio used to decorate their windows every Christmas . I remember waiting with great anticipation seeing those beautiful windows . Of course to a young child , it was not only the wonder of those windows , but the great event that soon followed - Christmas Eve . Remembering that time , I also remember what a more simple time it was . Perhaps I really remember the " fancified " version that was popularized in TV programs like " Happy Days . " Those were really happy days . I felt safe and protected . I was unaffected by what was going on - even the Cold War with its threats of THE BOMB . My memories are like an old Christmas card in which the scene is a little out of focus . Very softened . Joske 's is gone now . Not the building , but the store . Since moving to Houston some 36 years ago , I have only been back to the building once . It is now part of the huge River Center Mall , but the feeling of that old store is the same . I spend many hours in that store . I would get on the bus at the corner of my street and ride downtown . That was nothing new for me . I would get on the bus every Saturday morning for two years to ride to my church located downtown to attend confirmation ( I am Lutheran ) . When I got older , but still couldn 't drive , I would ride downtown on summer days . I was an only child of working parents , and I really got bored . SO downtown I went . It was a little walk from where I would get off the bus , but Joske 's was my destination of choice . When I got my driver 's license , I would still go to Joske 's . I would buy LP 's there ( for those who don 't know they are the bid 33 1 / 3 records ) . I had quite a collection although mostly off beat performers . Those records were inexpensive , and I was into the " oldies " that orchestras like " Silver Strings " would play . To me their music Grandma K Today was my day with Lady Bug . I carefully poured over cookie recipes choosing the ones that I thought would be easy for us to do together . I made a list of where these were located , made the shopping list , went to the store and then set everything out . I had chosen five recipes , and I thought they were wonderful . We made the first one and had just set the first baking sheet into the over . Did I say this recipe makes FIVE dozen ? Lady Bug says to me : " OK Grandma , what do we do now ? When are we making the Christmas cookies ? " My quick response was " these ARE Christmas cookies . We will have them at Christmas . " Dead silence followed . She thinks Christmas cookies are the rolled out , cookie cuttered , decorated cookies . This became very clear half way into the second recipe . In the mean time she wanted to watch " Madagascar " or play the " Earnie " game on the computer . I had lost her . At noon , I made the enough to make the thousand cookies dough . I convinced her that it had to chill , and all was well . After its " resting time " I began to roll it out . I had the cookie cutters out . LB asked what they were . Oh , boy . I DID forget she isn 't five yet . When she would cut out a cookie , it was from the middle of the dough . We got that settled . I gave her the first Silpat covered cookie pan . She began using the tinted sugar . I didn 't pay attention - at first . When I looked over , there was no visible cookie - just green sugar . A huge lump of green sugar . To end this - we did about two dozen cookies . I have enough dough in the frige to make nine hundred more cookies , but she got to make her Christmas cookies with Grandma ! ! ! Today was my day with Lady Bug . I carefully poured over cookie recipes choosing the ones that I thought would be easy for us to do together . I made a list of where these were located , made the shopping list , went to the store and then set everything out . I had chosen five recipes , and I thought they were wonderful . We made the first one and had just set the first baking sheet into the over . Did I say this recipe makes FIVE dozen ? Lady Bug says to me : " OK Grandma , what do we do now ? When are we making the Christmas cookies ? " My quick response was " these ARE Christmas cookies . We will have them at Christmas . " Dead silence followed . She thinks Christmas cookies are the rolled out , cookie cuttered , decorated cookies . This became very clear half way into the second recipe . In the mean time she wanted to watch " Madagascar " or play the " Earnie " game on the computer . I had lost her . At noon , I made the enough to make the thousand cookies dough . I convinced her that it had to chill , and all was well . After its " resting time " I began to roll it out . I had the cookie cutters out . LB asked what they were . Oh , boy . I DID forget she isn 't five yet . When she would cut out a cookie , it was from the middle of the dough . We got that settled . I gave her the first Silpat covered cookie pan . She began using the tinted sugar . I didn 't pay attention - at first . When I looked over , there was no visible cookie - just green sugar . A huge lump of green sugar . To end this - we did about two dozen cookies . I have enough dough in the frige to make nine hundred more cookies , but she got to make her Christmas cookies with Grandma ! ! ! Thursday I am going to venture into the world of new experiences ! Lady Bug and I are going to make cookies . I didn 't even do this with my children . Isn 't it funny what we will do for our grandchildren ? She wants to cook something so desperately . When I stayed with the kids last week , she asked if she could cook with M that night . I think she was a little disappointed when I told her I was going to order Chinese . That was a big mixed experience for her . While she loves Chinese , she wanted to cook . Now I have to decide what kind of cookies we can make together . I am thinking drop cookies would be the best . They are relatively easy to produce . I believe she would enjoy cutting cookies out too , and I know she would enjoy decorating them . I just worry about the mess . In reality , I am really looking forward to Thursday . I think it will be fun . I am certainly past the stage where a little mess gets to me . There are things much more important in life . Spending time with my granddaughter is really right at the top of things that are important to me . We went to Little Place in the Hill Country this past weekend . My niece was there with her son . I enjoyed watching my sister in law interact with him . She was sure that there would never be a grandchild . I know she was a bit jealous when Lady Bug came along , especially since I was less that thrilled at the prospect of being a grandmother . I am so glad she has her grandson . She makes a special effort to go to the little church to show him off on the occasions he is there . I know she would love to have a granddaughter . She has a wonderful doll collection , and she always buys Lady Bug the cutest outfits for Christmas . All I can do is hope E will come though with a girl sometime . I was thrilled when we found that K was having a girl . C ( daughter in law ) can have all boys if it comes to that - I have my granddaughter ! I wouldn 't mind if C has girls though . They are so much fun . Our extended family Christmas will once again be at Little Place in the Hill Country since G 's siblings all haPosted by Well , G called his father last night to wish him a " Happy Birthday . " When the conversation turned to the agreed upon visit of an assisted living facility , the answer was exactly what I thought it would be . No they didn 't go to look . Everything is just fine , and the 17 year old dog with kidney disease who stroked out a month and a half ago is just fine . They have no problems . They are going to stay in the old house in a neighborhood that is no longer what it was . Strange how 50 years can being changes to a neighborhood that aren 't positive . So what a huge waste of time and gasoline money ( it was pushing $ 3 per gallon then ) . How did I know things would turn out this way ? Experience . There will have to be an emergency . Fortunately , I was rather prepared when it happened to my parents . The fact remains whoever , we do live at least 3 hours away , and that is in good traffic conditions . I guess the other siblings who live in Capital City only a little over an hour away will have to cope with this one . I sound harsh , and I really this is not what I mean . As my days in this bank of life begin to dwindle ( even though I try to ignore that fact - I 'm still 21 , right ? ? ? ) I think about what will happen to me . The thought of giving up my independent life is not something I want to do . G 's aunt was thinking about assisted living . She 's younger than the in - laws and goes everywhere . Her house was sold , and assisted living was one of her options . Her comment was that she didn 't want to live with those " old people . " I deeply agree . I look at the people in the place where I go to visit dad . There are three levels of people there . Very independent with " apartments " of their own , those who live in the facilities in rooms , and the locked unit . There are some folks who look to be less than 70 . I still wouldn 't want to live there . I would go nuts . But the fact remains that , if I live long enough , I will not be able to remain totally independent . I will not be able to care for this 2800 square foot house . It 's difficult now ; soon it will be Posted by I stayed with the grandchildren last night because K and S were both out of town on business trips . I knew I would be doing this for about a month and a half . I didn 't see that there would be a problem - well perhaps with step granddaughter . She sometimes can pull real boner stunts , but that 's mostly with K and S . K promised that she would wean Monkey Boy and have him sleeping in his crib by the time I was going to stay with them . Guess what ! She didn 't . Monkey Boy is 15 months old and still nurses . Last night it was cold turkey ! There was just a bottle and there is no comparison there . Yesterday afternoon he would realize Mom wasn 't there and would cry so hard . This is in addition to cutting two molars . M came downstairs when she heard him , and I decided to go ahead and feed him his dinner . Fortunately she knew to give him a cup that allows for a straw . This made him happier . Then she let him have some of the chocolate milk she made herself . Things went quite well until about 7 : 45 . He realized that there was still no mom . The crying began again . M then said that the best move at that point was to take him for a drive . Worked like a charm ! The only drawback was that when I got him back , they were watching a movie . That meant I missed " Boston Legal . " As the credit card commercial states : Drive with Monkey Boy - $ 2 . 30 / gallon ; missed show - no real set amount ; sleeping Monkey Boy - PRICELESS ! I was able to put him into the crib . Lady Bug sleeps on a pallet in their room . I was able to put her there after she fell asleep . About 2 : 30 Monkey Boy woke . He DID take a bottle this time . By 7 : 30 I had them both in bed with me . Now I 'm ready for a nap . All in all , it was a good experience , but I sure do wish she would wean him ! Especially if I have to do this again . I had another session of beating myself up emotionally this weekend . I revisited the world of doubting myself as to putting my dad in the Memory Support Unit . How could I put my father in a that locked unit ? How could I not go visit everyday ? I know how I would feel were it I . It would kill me to be dumped with no daily visits . I know this because I expect it ! Yes , I know I do . I 've only been in a hospital four times . Twice for child birth , and twice because ofaccidents , and I expected visits . As good as he is about some things , my husband is not one to sit in a hospital room , and I was in a snit . When I broke my ankle , I had to have surgery to put a pin in it . I had a 24 hour , 59 minute admit - wonderful insurance - this was " out patient " surgery . G stayed during the surgery and recovery , but as soon as I was in my room , he was gone . He and my son came for a visit that evening , but they didn 't stay long . I didn 't like that ! Yeah , it 's all about me . The only child syndrome at its best . Seriously , I could have used a little help though . When it was meal time the nurse put the tray on the bed table not even setting it up for me . I guess I was freaked out because the doctor told me if I rebroke the ankle , pulling out the pin , there would have to be a bone graft from my hip . At this point I had only a soft cast . I was afraid to even move ! Back to Dad . When I do get out there , he is always the same . Sitting off to the side , head in hands , appearing to sleep . He always brightens when I speak to him , but he is at the stage that he simply parrots back questions most of the time . You can see him really searching for words when he tries to say something else . It kills me ! With him being in this situation , and watching his fellow residents , just who in the world do I expect him to interact with . All those others are in their own worlds . They have no grasp on reality . Even the ones that I suspect to be a little more " with it " will begin speaking logically - then it 's gone . They are out in left field somewhere . So it 's no wondePosted by Tuesday I had an appointment for my regular dental cleaning , and I was really feeling great about it . For the first time in a year there were no dental emergencies ! No teeth were suddenly broken , no pain in any of my teeth , gums healthy and all that good stuff . The cleaning went so well . No pockets in the gums . Not much plaque . Great ! ! Then the dentist came in to survey my mouth . When he asked for the camera , I knew I was in trouble . He took several pictures , then put them on the screen for me to see . The last top molar on the top was cracked . Even though there was no pain , if it were to be lost he couldn 't even bridge it . After braces ( and an abscessed tooth when I was 12 ) I 'm already down a molar . I also don 't have any erupted wisdom teeth , and the one I have unerupted gives no trouble - thank God ! So the decision was that we would crown that molar ASAP . Then the dentist began talking about the other 4 he want to crown , but these are more cosmetic that functional . Some unattractive fillings and one chipped tooth are the reasons for that . Suddenly we are talking about $ 5000 . Internet , I am a retired Texas public school teacher . I simply don 't have that kind of money ! So they have this plan that you can get credit for 1 year without interest . I ( silly me ) thought we were referring to the $ 1000 plus some change for the one . Great ! Finance that for a year . That won 't hurt a bit . NO ! We are talking the whole $ 5000 . There is not that much extra money per month for me to do that . So , at this time , we are doing the one molar . When that treatment is complete we will then face the other . That means no ! My dental problems are my fault . For several years our dental insurance provided for a clinic . They were terrible ! Consequently , I didn 't go as I should . Even when I went , they missed problems I knew were there . When our insurance changed , and we could go to the good dentist , I still put off going . Then the teeth began breaking , and the odyssey began - and continues yet ! As I mentioned last , we took " Wannabe Sports Car " sedan with us . In our part of that particular Texas county , the roads are not paved . It is in the hill country where boulders are the common topographical items . The roads , in other words , are not at all smooth . They are , in fact , the complete opposite of smooth . Two years ago , my son had a real sports car . It was one of the only times he didn 't have a truck . They were coming up to the property to hunt . At that time , our private road was really in terrible condition . Our " neighbors " were living on down the road , but H had not retired yet . He was still going to an adjacent town to work everyday . I really don 't know how he managed that road twice a day , but he did . Getting back to my son , by the time they arrived , he was completely shaken . The car drug on rocks several times . He dreaded the trip back out also ! Needless to say , they bought a truck in a short time so that trip would never have to be taken again . Since H has retired , he bought a bull dozer and started to work on the road . D , his wife , told him that when they moved out there H had promised D that her mother could drive her car all the way to their house . Being a good husband , that is exactly what he did . When my husband asked if I thought Wannabe would make the trip , I told him I really believed it would . It would be the vehicle to take on out little day trips since it gets about 26 miles per gallon . So the time came . Off we went . Things were great until we got to the county roads . They were rough , but Wannabe handled them like a champ ! Not even a rattle . Then we made the turn from the first to the second . Obviously Happy Farmer ( this I 'm not making up - that is his name ) had had his crew out to grade the road . This means turning the rocks over . There were many very loose rocks left in their wake . Wannabe wasn 't happy . She felt like she was going to spin around . Forget the " traction control " - it seemed to be non existent . So as hubby in the green monster sped off , I was left to creep along . When I finally Posted by The news last night showed a 15 passenger van carrying old people that had been rear ended by a cement truck . The driver of the truck was so visibly upset . Then this morning it came out the van had a blow out . This resulted in , as of now , four deaths . So what 's so incredible about this . Sad for sure by why would I think it was incredible ? This is incredible because a few hours earlier , I could have died because of a blow out . We had been gone to Little Bitty Hill Country Town for 10 days . Since we are out on dirt ( read ROCK ) roads , we usually take the 4x4 monster truck . We were going to visit surrounding areas , and 14 miles per gallon just doesn 't do the trick . We decided to take my 4 door Wannabe Sports Car . The tales about the car and the rock roads are another story . We were returning home yesterday . I was following the monster truck when I saw a car crossing the center stripe heading for me . All I saw was this car coming straight for me with door moldings flapping , but I could tell the driver actually was trying to keep to the right . As we passed , I saw him careen across the road to the shoulder on my side . About that time I passed a tire that was shredded . I thought he must have hit it and damaged his vehicle . I was so shaken . I really came so close to being hit head on . About 45 minutes later we stopped for lunch . I was still very shaken . My husband was passing this vehicle when he heard the tire on that vehicle explode ( which is something because his radio is usually at maximum volume when I 'm not with him ) . He said that rubber went everywhere . His thought was that I would be hit by that vehicle . Our common thought was that other driver was really gifted . He was running at seventy on a tire rim . I guess God was my passenger yesterday . I just wish he could have been with those old folks in the van . But more than anything I pray He was with that driver that spared me . I can 't believe there is ANOTHER hurricane out there . It 's so late in the year . We certainly have had an unusual year for the storms this year . This one is going to give a good blow . When I was small , I remember all the hurricanes seemed to be more in the Atlantic . I knew water wasn 't that far away from us , but the storms hit the East Coast . Then they began coming into the Gulf . There were some very serious ones too . Then the numbers dropped off . I never thought about it again until we moved closer to the Gulf . The scientists seem to uphold my early belief that they come in cycles . I believe this cycle is going to continue for a while . Perhaps it will be a good thing to move away from here . If K must move for the promotion in her job ( and that sucks big time ! ) , we very well may move to the hill country . We have a house up there , and that may become an option . Yes , boys and girls , sex discrimination exists . It seems as though we have a movie coming out about this subject . It is a serious subject - especially in the work place . But it doesn 't always appear in such blatant terms . It can appear in attitudes . The other day , I took my car to have the alignment checked . The only person who I assumed was in charge of the counter was outside with another customer . After I stood there for what seemed to be a long time , a man arrived carrying a car battery . He placed it on the counter , and in about two minutes someone came out from the back . The clerk asked that man with the battery how he could help HIM . I guess he made the assumption that I was just a woman who had no clue what she wanted , and this was obviously superior male who had successfully extracted a battery from a vehicle . I made the comment that I just loved standing around tire / battery / alignment stores . They both looked at me with some shock . Now that man who had come in with the battery KNEW I was there first . He never said one blessed word . As far as I 'm concerned they BOTH are guilty of being MCPs . The funny part of all this is that I probably know about as much about cars as both of these men . I watched my dad and uncle ( who was a professional mechanic ) work on motors and cars about as soon as I could stand . I have changed spark plugs , changed tires , changed oil and filters , helped my son " lift " his Jeep . But the assumption of those two men was that I was merely a woman . The same sort of thing happened to me about 15 years ago . My husband called . He was stranded in a downtown parking garage . He said he thought the problem was the lower battery cable . I knew what he was talking about . It was getting dark , and I hurried to the auto parts store that was close by so that I could get downtown before it really got late . I told the clerk what I needed . When he handed it to me I questioned him , but he assured me that it was the proper part . I guess he thought " Oh , you poor little lady . I am the learned one here ; trust me Posted by Today I had a new experience , and it was one I hope to never have again . I was served with a summons ! Apparently he was here yesterday and left a card in the mail box ( my attorney quipped something about that being illegal since mail boxes are considered Federal property ) . I couldn 't understand why I didn 't get the card until I remembered I got the mail while I was still in the car . I couldn 't see into the mail box . The reason for the summons was that I had not paid the entire amount of the bond . Being guardian is not a pleasant job to begin with , but then it also becomes expensive . You pay a bond based on the value of the estate . Since it comes from the estate , the estate diminishes rapidly . What a scheme by the courts , but I do know there are cases of guardians misusing the estate . I was aware of the increase in the estate . When I called the bonding company , they did not give me the new amount . So the payment was not what the court wanted . I told my attorney that when I called the company , the person to whom I was speaking seemed really irritated by my call . The attorney said she 's like that to everyone . Oh well - here goes more money for the bond - and the attorney ! I 'll still try to do right by my dad . By the way , my nerves are still shot ! Things have always been rocky between my mother in law and me . I really think part of the reason goes to her feelings about my husband , but that 's another story . When I was trying to get my dad and V to go into assisted living , I also got a book for the in laws . She had been making noise about wanting to go into something like it for a couple of years . I gave them the book . She said they didn 't need it - they weren 't going to leave the house . Given our history , I was not at all surprised ; I was just a little miffed . After the reunion this past weekend , her daughter was talking with her . She again said she wanted to go into assisted living . In fact she had two places in mind . The daughter called the brother , P , who in turn called my husband . Now they are all about trying to get the parents into assisted living . Well , well ! The BIG hitch here is a small poodle who is , as they brag , 17 years old . The poor thing has had dialysis , and he recently had a stroke . My personal opinion is that is no longer a dog . Somehow the vet removed the dog body and put a robot in place and covered it with the fur . The poor thing has seizures when it wakes . Anyway , there is no place that will take them and the dog . I 'm sure that my husband will have to make the trip back to Hometown with gas at $ 3 per gallon to waste his time ! They aren 't going anywhere . Now those are two words that can bring fear to one 's heart - especially if it is not your blood family ! In my husband 's families , there are family reunions . When we were first married , I didn 't dread them , but I would sit and smile and look for my brother in law and his wife so there would be someone I really knew . Now , after 38 years , I actually enjoy going , and , miracles of miracles , have finally learned the cousins ! Of course the cousins have had children who have grown up , and I don 't know those people ! Saturday we went to his father 's family reunion . I really worried about this one however . It was going to be in a hotel conference room . Now one thing this family CAN do is eat . There were no facilities in this conference room . There was no frig , stove , sink . Even when I walked in , table space was sparse . There was not room for the dishes of food . When it was time to sit and eat , space was at a premium . But that turned out to be a blessing in disguise . This is a close family . There is a lot of love there . Being this confined actually made things even better . The comment constantly being made was what fun we had at this reunion . It really was great . We took advantage of being back in Hometown . We went to " Cathedral of the Southwest " where I had been baptized and confirmed . I felt the people who were in the narthex sensing fresh blood , so I immediately said " I was a member here 50 years ago and wanted to come back to visit since we were in town . " That sort of stilled the waters some . I got to the door of the sanctuary and gave the greeter the same excuse . She asked what my name had been . When I told her , she said her name had been such and such . We had been through junior and senior high together , and been confirmed together . That was such a sweet surprise ! That evening we spent with my remaining cousin with whom I am close . He is in his late 70 's . He lost his wife of almost 60 years a few months ago , and I was concerned about him . While being depressed still ( but fortunately on medication for it ) , he is doing greaPosted by That 's how I 'm feeling right now . I am not really completely satisfied with the Alzheimer 's facility my dad is in . I toured a new , beautiful facility today . The problem is it 's $ 650 more than we are paying now . They have a great staff to resident ratio . I know they would try to keep him busy , but I don 't think even one on one would do it . There are times I can 't keep him awake . I really don 't know what is cognitative factor is right now . Sometimes he just looks at you when you expect him to respond . When the aides come to take him to the restroom ( read change diaper ) , he just looks blankly at you . If the other facility had been around two years ago , the decision would have been easy . I would pay the extra money . Now I just don 't see changing . I can also tell myself the change itself would be hard . And I really think it would . $ 650 is nothing to sneeze at . He is safe where he is . He is treated well . I think this is the right decision . Posted by Times have changed - and this time for the better . When my kids were growing up , day care was a necessary evil . I always had the perception that I was a bad mother because I wasn 't home with my kids . I guess that is the main reason I kept teaching . I would be home when they were home . Both of the grandchildren are now in day care . Of course there are day cares and then there are day cares . They are in an excellent day care . The quality of the " school " has everything to do with the director . This one has my daughter - in - law 's mother , and she runs a tight ship . Lady Bug just blossomed when she left my care and went into day care . She was about 22 months old . She mastered all kinds of skills . She can do so many things now . She is about ready to read , and she is not 5 yet . She had K call me last night so she could tell me she learned to tie her shoes . Day care has been a real boon for her . Dad is living in a memory support unit at an assisted living center . The center has been bought out , and they put on a brunch to introduce us to one of the vice presidents today . He really got an ear full from the families of the MSU people . The woman sitting next to me was going to complain about the increases we get every year in rent , but didn 't . I wish she would have . There were complaints however ! Most of them were how the laundry never got to the right patient . We have all had things lost . My dad has lost glasses , an electric shaver , his wedding ring , shoes , clothes , and bedding . I hope things get better there . I really don 't want to move him . At the rate increases are going , I may have to move him into a semi - private room though . My dad was such a vibrant and interesting man . He built one house completely , added on to another . And finished out a third . He could work on cars - before the computer . When he was in his eighties , he decided he wanted to learn to play music . He paid for over 10 years of lessons for me . So he bought an electronic organ and took lessons . He was actually pretty good until the dementia . I could tell his playing was so much worse . What was even worst for me was to see him sit there crying . That 's what this disease has done the most - he cannot sort out his emotions . Sad . And I am grateful . The unrelenting heat of the past few days has been terrible . I sit here in air conditioned comfort while I think of our neighbors to the east and north east . These folks have been without electricity since last Saturday . No electricity also means the gas pumps at the stations don 't work . I see reports of people who spend their days and nights outside because the house is simply too hot . I see their children who are covered with mosquito bites , and I worry about their health . I know how many mosquitoes can live in the Piney Woods of Texas . I can only hope and pray that the lights come on soon for them . Then I see the occupants of the apartment complex on the northeast side of Houston who returned to their homes only to find they had been robbed . To add insult to injury , the thieves cooked themselves a meal before cleaning out the pantry . These folks used any extra money trying to evacuate from a cat 5 storm - or so we kept being told . They don 't have extra money to replace all these things . In the editorials ( which I don 't normally read ) , there was criticism of those who did not live in evacuation areas trying to get away from the hurricane . Well duh ! If our FEMA guy here is getting his family out by the Wednesday morning before the expected land fall , and the county judge gets his family to Austin , the rest of us should stay to " hide from the wind . " That became the motto by our great leaders when it was obvious that an area of roughly 5 million folks couldn 't all fit onto 4 main highways . Our homes are not built to withstand winds like that . I 'm not sure had Rita come this way all of us would have been able to " hide from the wind " in cat 5 force winds . I believe our homes would have become our tombs . I fully understand getting away from the storm surge areas , but come on , I personally don 't like the prospect of my roof coming down on my head . All this makes me think about the possibility of a terrorist attack . We do have a few refineries here . We do have a major port in the ship channel . We are a Posted by Things that happen in life really get me to thinking . The irony of our lives is sometimes just too much to take in . K will be going to St Louis is November . The same days S is also going out of town for business . So who keeps the kids ? The first thought was family . Now if they move , and the same thing happens , who keeps the kids ? Of course , they could end up back in Home Town . The irony there just slaps me in the face . S 's family lives there . So what 's the problem then ? Well as a family they are a train wreck . They are so disfunctional that it is ridiculous . I should not judge them harshly , but they are just flat out trashy people . They want a free ride . I hate the thought they would have a great influence on my grandchildren . S is the only one of the 4 that has turned out to be a good , hardworking , devoted father . This got me to think about their wedding day . K wanted to be married in our church , by the only pastor she remembers . S 's parents wanted to have the wedding in Home Town with the reception being a " bar - b - que in the backyard . " Of course , I 'm sure we would be expected to provide the food . After all , they had no money . They had and still have the impression we are wealthy . Come on , I 'm a retired Texas teacher . After my deductions ( the largest being health care ) I probably make less than they do on their welfare . The day of the rehearsal only baby brother was here . He and S got into a huge argument . Baby Brother called his dad . He called S telling him that he was not part of the family any more . Nice touch . We worked hard to get S 's daughter to become best friends with my niece and Maid of Honor , E . Otherwise she would have not cooperated as flower girl . She was a terribly spoiled 4 year old - thanks to S 's parents . The day of the wedding , we were not sure the other parents would even show up . They arrived about 30 minutes before the ceremony . At the reception , things got worse . They kept trying to get M to them . They said they would take her to McDonalds . Can you imagine ? She was too close to E by that time , Grandma K I just got off the phone with my daughter . To some people , this would not be such sad news , but it is to me . In order to be promoted , she will have to relocate . These words send me into a very deep depression . Not only will she be gone to another area , so will my precious grandchildren . When K was growing up , I practiced the " I 'm not your friend - I am your mother " style of parenting . I tried my best to have a good relationship with my children , but there was always " the line . " My mother was a very mercurial person . I never knew which way the wind was going to blow . I was also an only child . That gave her too much time to notice me . She would say hurtful things ; she would unfavorably compare me to others . She is probably the reason I am the way I am as I illustrated in the last post . K is a grown woman now , and we are friends . We are close friends . In addition , we are business partners . We so many things together . Weekends we are with her family . I can be with my grandchildren . Our relationship is very close . If she leaves , there will be a huge gap in my life . I was not able to count on family for back up when my kids were little . They were ( at the time of lower speed limits ) four hours away . If one of the kids were sick , one of us would have to stay home . If there was a scheduling problem that was just too bad . There was no one else to pick them up . These are things I have been able to do for her , and I have been thrilled to do them . The old adage is so true . A daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life . A son is a son until he takes a wifeMy son still comes by some . Well , for now that is not an option . He has his cats here . But since he married , his relationship with us is very different . We just don 't see them very often . Even when they have children , my relationship will probably be different . His wife , C , is just different . Our relationship is different . I was in the delivery room with K . While I don 't certainly expect this , I 'm not sure C even wants us in the hospital . I guess this is the time to simply enjoPosted by I am basically a very shy person . The problem with being shy is that all too often you are deemed " aloof . " That most certainly is not me . When you total it up , I probably would be on the far spectrum of aloof . I don ; t have a very high sense of self esteem . When I get to know someone , I am completely different . To strangers , I am not outgoing at all . I am reticent and almost withdrawn . When I know you , I am very outgoing . I mention this because I suppose that is the reason I have not posted much about me . My profile is basically nill . I have not said where I live or anything more personal about me than the posts I have done . It 's just that I don 't know you . I guess when some others get " hate mail " and the like I think that if you don 't know much about me that will protect me . Well , that is going to begin to change , especially after this Rita thing . I live outside of Houston , Texas . You know , that small town near the gulf coast . I 'm sure you 've heard of us somewhere . This Rita thing has really gotten me thinking . I would like to share some thoughts . We always said that if we were threatened by a category 4 storm or above , we would evacuate . That was our stand . When it seemed that was the fact , we couldn 't . There was no way to get out of our place . We live along the Highway 290 . Since my husband and kids had at one time been members of the local volunteer fire department , we still have a scanner we bought when they were in service , I listened to the calls for help from the local EMS . I listened to all the ambulances being called for . People were having heat emergencies . One elderly woman died . There was absolute gridlock on the highway . We were stuck right here . Even if we wanted to leave , it was not practical . My daughter and I made the decision that we shouldn 't add to the congestion . There were people trying to get away from the storm surge . We would have wind and rain . Perhaps I would be flooded in because the bayou backs up all around us , and we get cut off . We were not ever faced with a 20 foot surge of water . PluPosted by It is very interesting that most people blogging are so young . I guess many of us older types are just behind the times . I know a lot of older folks that would be very interesting if they would blog their thoughts . Time has a way of teaching you things . Some of us have logged a few years on this old rock . On the other hand , there are a lot of older folks that are quite simple put foolish . Wouldn 't it be wonderful if we would be guaranteed to become wise sages as the years pile up . Wouldn 't it be wonderful to actually learn from our mistakes instead of being so bull headed that we continue to repeat the same stupid stuff ? Wouldn 't it be really wonderful ! I am an animal lover . I have always had animals . We lost out last pet in July , but I still have animals . I am fostering my son 's two cats , Sasha and Sebastian . He cannot have them where he is currently living . Sebastian is a beautiful black long hair . He is so terribly shy that when anyone comes into the house , he disappears . He really must know you to stay around . It is sad that when B comes to take care of them ( that was the deal ; - we just house them ) Sebastian doesn 't know him and hides . He is a sweet cat who causes no problems , unless you consider he " fights the outside cats " through the windows . That is hard on the blinds ! Sasha on the other hand is a difficult cat . She is small and agile . She is over 5 , but thinks she is still a kitten . She even looks like a teenaged cat . The biggest problem with her is that she loves to help items , especially glass , commit suicide . She will tease and tease the item until it falls off of the bar , table , mantle , whatever . She almost has me trained . I try to be very careful what I leave around . This morning when I walked from the den to the breakfast room , barefooted , I stepped on glass . I couldn 't remember what I had left out . As I investigated further , I found that she had really worked hard to knock a baby food jar with a little diluted glue that I was using to line a cigar box purse onto the floor . All in all , there really was no damage , but she can be so infuriating . The answer ? Well , I guess I could force B to remove her . But that would probably mean she would have to go to a shelter for adoption . That is really not an option . It 's not her fault she is here . It 's not really B 's fault that he cannot have her right now . Things in his life have changed since he rescued her from his apartment 's parking lot . I guess the only answer is to do what you so with an infant - just cat proof ! So that 's what I 'll try to remember , and we will live somewhat harmoniously . You would think after teaching them for 29 years , all the psychology classes I sat through with them , and raising two of them into adulthood I would understand this teen . She is my barely 13 year old step granddaughter , and I can 't figure her out . She came to live with K and S June 2004 , and this year she made the decision to remain here . She doesn 't want to go back to her mother at all . I 'll be the first to admit her like there was not good , but I wonder exactly how much she brought on herself . When she got here , she was very rude and mean to Lady Bug . Sibling rivalry at its worst . That has gotten a little better , though not much in reality . I don 't understand it because she has four siblings at her mother 's house . That , in itself , makes her very needy , but she can 't get over the desire to be the center of everything . I guess her neediness is why she is constantly testing limits . Children do like and need limits , and they will test them . It gives them a sense of security . They know they are loved . Back in the late seventies , I had tried my luck at real estate . WRONG timing . I ended up being the " educational therapist " at an inpatient psychiatric hospital . I saw those kids needing structure . They had none in their homes . Most of the homes were non - nuclear . Because of this , most of the kids were in charge , and they felt like there was no one there for them . They acted out , and behavior management allowed for no variation . Break the rule - suffer the consequence . My step granddaughter , M , tests the SAME rules over and over . The outcome is the same , but she goes back and repeats the same behavior . If she is expecting different results , this is the " definition " of crazy . There are rules about makeup , clothes , grades , computer , and phone . She tests them at every turn . She gets grounded , she gets corrected , but turns around and does the same thing . She has been in therapy , and will continue . It really doesn 't seem to do much good though . I hope something works soon . She needs it to happen . I worry about her future . I also wGrandma K We are coming up on an anniversary , but not a joyful one . It is one followed by sadness , but there is a little joy left . Bittersweet . It is the anniversary of the wonderful news that both my daughter and daughter - in - law were pregnant due due in July . The images we conjured in our minds were vivid . There would be cousins living close together and being so close in age . What fun they would have together . All of this and in the extended family my niece was due in January , wouldn 't that make for fabulous family Christmas times ? Having cousins close in age is not new for this family . My sister - in - law had my niece in September and my daughter was born in December . Our sons were due about the same day , but my son , B , was impatient , couldn 't wait . He was a week early . Hers , being her usual luck , was late . So we are familiar with close in age cousins , but we live in different cities . One of these pregnancies was successful , but the other ended very early . Even at that early gestational age I mourned for the little one we would never know all the while rejoicing for the one would be coming . It was a very hard time . I think my daughter - in - law , C , suffered more than we knew . Outwardly , she seemed to go on and accept it . Deep down I think she resented K 's successful pregnancy . I can 't blame her . It had to be very painful . When I was alone with B , I told him his cousin had the same thing happen to her . K was about to deliver Lady Bug when we were at her house for the family Christmas . K was as big as a house , and E seemed to be cheerful about everything . I later learned she had just miscarried . I would only imagine how devastating that Christmas was for her . I believe B related this to C , and I think it helped . All this happened a couple of years ago . B and C are going to try again . I pray they will be successful . All the women in her family has fertility problems . Only time will tell . Posted by Any day we visit Dad is a difficult thing . I WISH I could say that I go with a happy heart , and return with joy , but that it the direct opposite . The trip depresses me so much that I am a coward and make someone go with me . My poor daughter is usually the one who is elected . Seeing my father is the worse part of the experience because he is no longer the man I remember as my father . This horrible disease has turned him into a person who is incontinent and drools constantly . He cannot form phrases because the words escape him . He will parrot , but that 's about it . It helps to have someone with me because then he can sit and listen . The other part of the trip that is so terrible is watching the others . We have been there so long . I have watched them deteriorate , die or simply disappear . There are still two who have been there longer than my dad . They are both women . One was becoming violent , but you can tell she has been medicated . Looking around the unit , it would seem that many of these souls could continue much longer , but they do . They languish daily . Some are in wheel chairs ; some just slump in chairs . There are the few that just wander , and then there are those who " talk " to you making no sense at all . R is one of those people . She was there when my dad and step mother got there . Her husband was in the assisted living section and R was in the Memory Support Unit ( locked unit ) . I didn 't know that at the beginning . When I would arrive , R and her husband would be in the rocking chairs out on the front porch or just in the lounge area . They were such a smart looking couple . They were meticulously groomed . Suddenly , I noted that R was in MSU and her husband was no where around . I met her son in a family support group where he explained that his father had a stroke before coming to the center . He was left without the ability to speak . Since she had dementia , they had to be moved . He died sometime after V . I haven 't seen her son in quite sometime . R would slouch in chairs , moaning and crying . She was no longer groomed . APosted by I was a woman who dreaded the thought of getting older and becoming a grandmother . Now being a grandmother is one of my greatest joys . Time changes us all . Hopefully for the better . Retirement is the greatest thing in the world - I wish I could have done it at 23 .

Chuck had another challenge . I 'm supposed to be doing something else , I 'm sure of it . But what the hell , it 's only a hundred words . What can happen in a hundred words ? This week , he gave us five words , pick one and use it . One of the words was " powder . " I didn 't use that one . I used " frog . " To find out more , go check out his site . I 'm not going to kiss that frog . I don 't care how many promises he makes . Wishes he can grant . Dreams he can fulfill . His moist eyes beckon to me , with an amphibious come - hither . A smile played upon his lips . " Come on , " he croaked casually . " What have you got to lose ? " Well , I wasn 't ready to look for another job just yet . I wanted to take some time off - maybe a week - and then start looking . Besides , my cousin Greg was having a party at his house on Saturday , and I * was * going to miss it - I forgot how this went exactly , but I think Detroit called me because she was home . She was home because right before Labor Day she had a dispute with her boss and was fired after the fact . It was kind of shitty how that went down , and she is in the process of an appeal so she can at least collect unemployment . Well , that was interesting . As part of the agreement in the sale , Bob or Marsha was going to work about two hours a day for two weeks with the new owner , showing him how things worked . They were about two days into the new ownership running things when I got the call . Bob said that the new owner , Henry , could probably use some help after all . No coincidence , I imagine , that this was Friday , after the big A - B delivery . " Why don 't you come in and talk to him ? I can 't understand him too well , but you can work something out with him . " Henry is the new owner . I have no idea how short he is , but man , this fucker is small . I would guess he is just under five feet tall . Maybe that 's normal for a Vietnamese dude . Bob was still there too , which helped . After the odd introductions , Henry beckoned me to the back of the store , and we stepped outside the back door . He was hard to understand at first - Good thinking , Bob . I was never much for negotiation . They had paid me eight bucks an hour . Not great , but considering I didn 't have to work very hard , I was down with it . Eight bucks an hour on a paycheck , you don 't get all of it . Most , but not all . It came out to about 6 . 75 an hour net . So nine would have been a little more . But nine in cash ? Unless my math is whacked out , to net 9 an hour my gross would have had to be close to 12 bucks an hour on a check , maybe more . That ain 't bad at all for a PTJ . I would work that very night - I was ready - have Saturday off because I already had plans , and work Sunday night . The rest would come later . Okay . Well , the way it worked with Henry was not the way it worked with the Beckers . I told myself it was because it was new to him and it was his store and he wanted to immerse himself in it , but there was never the thing where I came in and he would leave . No , he stayed . All the time he stayed . God . ALL THE TIME . When he first hired me , he said , " I not your boss , okay ? I friend . You , me , friend . Okay . You help me , okay , I help you . " I helped him with the register , and with things on the computer . I helped him communicate with customers , too . Often I would be in the cooler , and he would come and get me . " Y - an - you help dem , okay . " That 's how he said my name . No B , and definitely no r . My name started with a Y . Y - an . The next week , I worked Thursday , Friday , and Saturday . Off Sunday . Thursday , I noticed that the cooler was not as cool as it should be . " It okay . Bob take care . " " Aye - yi - yi , " Henry said . As part of the sale , Bob was having some work done to the cooler . I never got the straight scoop from Bob and I couldn 't understand Henry , but it sounded like while Bob 's guy was here fixing one thing , another thing broke . The compressor up on the roof . When I came in on Friday , Henry said it was fix , but it no fix . He said , " Man say it take while to cool . It fix , though . " Henry … didn 't believe me . Here 's the thing about Henry . He seems to be a pretty smart guy . The language barrier is more than I would be able to get past , for one thing . And despite that he picked up on things pretty well , and learned quickly . But he didn 't believe that I was smart enough to know anything . Never mind that I 've been a restaurant manager for twenty years and have always had to deal with equipment like this , and never mind that I am actually a smart motherfucker . I couldn 't convey my knowledge or experience to him because he was too stubborn to listen , and despite his pledge that " we friend , okay ? " I was just a grunt to him . I did , but but later , when I tried to convince Henry that he could go home , I would take care of things , he needed to be up early , he wouldn 't budge . He wouldn 't say why he wouldn 't go home , but he definitely wouldn 't say that he didn 't trust this gringo with his money and his store . Whatever . I came in Saturday night , and it was all still warm . Fuck . What the fuck ? Henry at least had had the foresight ( or hindsight , considering the fact that it had been two days already ) to clear out the bottom of the wine cooler and put some beer in there . Plus , he had two display ice coolers filled with ice and tallboys and single sodas in the middle of the aisle . The deal was , the compressor on the roof was indeed out . There is no getting one on a Saturday , apparently . It was going to be like this through Monday . To make things better , there was no internet service . The name and ownership was switched over , and AT & T couldn 't ( or wouldn 't ) switch it over until Monday . So it was cash only and warm beer . Add a horse and wagon and we 're back in the dark ages . Sales were really , really slow now . First someone would come in for some beer . Sorry , no cold beer . That 's okay , they 'll take a warm 30 pack and chill it . Great . Then they get to the counter . Sorry , no cledit card . In between that , I re - arranged the wine cooler where he had beer . I took out some of the crap he had in there , because he has no idea what sells and what doesn 't , and I put in the popular stuff , stacked it neater , and got more in there . Every time somebody took some , I waited to see if they were actually going to buy it , then I would replace it , to always have some cold and some chilling down . After that , I went in the cooler and worked up a sweat . It was warm in there , and stuffy and stale smelling . But damn me and my ADD medication , I needed something to do . I pulled all the shelves away from the cooler doors , one by one , swept , deck scrubbed , and mopped . Some of that crusty shit had been there for 20 years . At some point , some crusty old guy came in through the back door - he had been up on the roof . Henry wasn 't willing to believe the verdict of the guy who serviced the equipment and called someone else in . Old Crusty looked like a pirate in Mr Greenjean 's clothes . He started to explain what was going on to Henry , but when it was obvious there was no receiving of understanding , he turned to me and continued to rattle on . And on and on and on . He told me about shit for which I had no frame of reference , and even more shit that I cared not one bit about . At the very beginning I got all I needed from the conversation : Yes , Virginia , the compressor is out . It 's a cast - iron sonovabitch ( literally ) , built in 1978 . Those old compressors last a long time , but this one is shot for sure . Back in my day - Maybe it 's not Vietnamese people or maybe it is , and maybe this is an admirable trait . But I had to talk to Henry 's friend Tim on the phone . He 's Henry 's mentor in the business world , more or less . Henry had told him there 's no internet , so no credit card . Unacceptible . There has to be a way around it . He tries to explain to me his idea and he wants me to try it . Of course , I have a degree in computer networking , and when I finally understand his ridiculous premise , I know it won 't work . " Try it . " " It won 't work . " Luckily , after several minutes , I guess he believed that I was actually trying it while I was talking to him . But no , I wasn 't . If there is no internet connection through the modem , he wanted me to take the cord straight from the phone and hook it into the computer 's built in modem . I doubt it had it one , and I wasn 't going to pull it out to see . Even if it did , there is STILL NO SERVICE . There 's nothing to dial into . Being a dumbass about technology is universal , I guess . Whenever I would close , I would count the till , make a deposit , and put the deposit in an envelope and put it in the safe . Henry counted the money - slowly - while I waited . He calculated my pay , gave me cash - He waits until after I eat , then tells me that we should no eat up front where customer see . Eat only in back , okay ? Because there 's nothing to sit on . I figured that for a cultural thing - everyplace has different customs for eating . I couldn 't tell him that this is how we do it in America , even though it is . And when the Beckers owned it , we did it all the time - because we did . His place , his rules . But he no want me to smoke in front , okay ? It look bad , okay ? You go out back doo and smoke . He patted me on the back in a dismissive way . Of course we shouldn 't smoke out front . It 's not like this is a liquor store where people come in primarily for alcohol and cigarettes . I seldom smoked at work anyway . Now when I did , I would go out the van so I could sit down for a few minutes . Because , yeah , if I went out the back door , there is no sitting down . Eventually , Henry got to where he would trust me jus a riddle bit , and he go to store to buy some tings . He would tell me like it was a big deal . " I go now store . You take care here . You run ting , okay ? You be okay here , okay ? " The chance to work with the freedom of not being constantly watched was soothing to my jagged , ate - up soul . Then he would come back . We worked together putting the tings away , on shelf , and also entering the inventory into the computer - which I had to figure out how to do and then explain and show to him . About three weeks in , he finally decides that I can close by myself . Either that or he is drunk or tired . He would disappear for a few hours and I would have no idea where he was , but I learned later he was spending time at the bar . God , I hope he wasn 't singing karaoke . The following week I closed by myself on Thursday , and the money was short about 40 bucks . He didn 't come right out and accuse me , but he did say that I no have to do that . If I need hep , he hep me , no ploblem . He hep lif me up . Jus ask , okay ? Don 't take . Because here 's the thing : We never did a drawer change - out . We operated from one drawer all day . I never knew what he did all day , but it was perfectly legitimate for him to accuse me of stealing from him . But that night I did close . Because he disappeared again , for several hours . About 1030 I get a call from Henry . He say I close for him , okay ? I take care tings . Awright ? Saturday night he 's feeling better about it and so am I . The money had never been off like that with Becker 's ( without a reason ) . Saturday night he leaves about 9pm . Yeah . It 's after midnight . It 'll take him over half an hour to get there . And then we 'll spend a few hours of neither one of us being sharp , with him accusing me and me not being able to back up my defense . " No , Henry . You can come up here if you want . I 'm going home . I am tired . I will come up here tomorrow morning and we will work it out . " I came up Sunday , but not in the morning . We open at 11 , I got there about 1230 . Why am I in a hurry ? Is my insolence showing ? Bingo ! It 's exactly what I thought . Being born and raised in this country I could easily see what was perhaps a little to subtle for his suspicious eyes to see : When you do a cash payout properly , the number has parentheses around it , to indicate a negative number - a payout . The receipts that had a payout that did not have a negative number added up to 285 dollars . Now , if you were good at math , you would know that that is twice the amount we need , and the money is still probably off for some other reason . But it was enough to clear my name , if I could get him to listen . I went next door and got the young Vietnamese dude that ran the nail salon . He spoke better English . " Hey , can you help me out here a minute ? " I explained it briefly , and he got it . " Can you explain it to Henry for me ? He doesn 't get . He just made a mistake , but he 's blaming me for cash missing . " It was another week before I would close without being babysat again , and only once . Even though we worked things out , there was a strain , and he was different after this . He did buy be some Chinese food ; perhaps that was his way of apologizing . We sat in the back of the store , which is a very small room , and managed to not look at each other while we ate . Well , when he 's not there , after everything is done , I sit the fuck down . I don 't have to run around looking for things to do constantly . It 's a tiny hole in the wall fucking liquor store , not a nuclear submarine . Henry see that we no work all time . I found out he had a girl that worked with him during the day , when I showed him the camera set up . When it was slow , she would sit down as well . So what is the point of this ? He has us working even when it is slow and he stays and watches us to make sure we work all the time . It soon becomes obvious that is what he is doing , especially when he sits in the chair and closes his eyes because he is tired , because he is there all the time , but he won 't leave because he thinks we might not work our asses off if he isn 't there . And that part is true , but my feeling is that we don 't have to work our asses off , we just have to work . Am I wrong ? Well , maybe I am . On a very slow Thursday , it was obvious he wasn 't going to leave . If he isn 't , I am . But I asked him , when he was sitting down in the back on some boxes , obviously trying to get some rest . " Henry , it 's pretty slow tonight . You don 't have to stay . You can go home . " " Fuck it . " I turned and walked back to the front of the store . It is his store and he is the boss and the owner . But he is also a suspicious little turd . I 'm not going to keep working like this . I had already decided that I was not going to come in the next night . Friday , a busy night and we also get our delivery . Let him deal with it . Let him call me . I was already struggling with the whole thing - dammit , I need this job , but a shitty little job like this shouldn 't be so stressful . One said , " Hello , customer . how ma I help yuo ? " That 's his spelling . Below the monitor it said , " Thank you , customer sir . " Along the edge of the counter on our side were three or four little ones . " No facebook . " " No texting . " " Always be work . " " Pay attention . " I 've argued with him before about other things , so this was no different . Whatever . I went out to have a smoke , but I didn 't have a car here , so I went out front . But I didn 't sit in front of the liquor store , I went down by the bar and sat in front of the Subway , which was closed for the night . I think he saw it as an outright violation , if not at least a spiritual one . But he didn 't say anything about it . Still , I need to leave . I really need to leave . I didn 't have my phone , so I picked up the store phone to call Detroit . If she can get here early , I 'm out . Sarah , the girl that used to work there , came in about 11 and got some wine , and we chatted in American . I explained my problem with Henry . She totally got it , especially about someone being around all the time . To what purpose ? In fact , shortly after I took the job with him , we had talked . Of course Bob had offered her the job first - they had known her longer . She declined , seeing that it would be a fucked up work day in the rice patties for her . So they called an offered it to me . Yay , me . I finished cleaning everything up . I took the rugs out , swept and mopped , took out the trash , put the rugs back in , cleaned the glass . That 's it , that 's all there is to do . Then I just stand there , behind the counter . Just stand . Around 1130 , I called Detroit again . " I hope you are on your way . " She was . " I tried to call you earlier , to come right after class . " About a quarter till , Henry says to me , " Y - an , you give me you key , okay ? Doo key . " He motioned with his finger . I guess I 'm not closing any more . Fine . Bitch . I gave it back to him . He starts doing the money , and I 'm just waiting for Detroit to arrive . When she pulls up , he sees it . He pulls some money out of his pocket and hands it to me . He usually pays me at the end of the week . Saturday . Well , this must be the end of the week for me . I displayed no emotion . He didn 't say anything , and I didn 't either . I just walked out . I used to be so good at writing in my journal and keeping up with it . However , I looked back at the last several months ' worth of folders and they are empty . Have I given up on writing ? Actually , no . I 've been writing more . I 've been writing with focus and with a purpose . Just not journal - type things . But that doesn 't mean that nothing as happened to me . Actually , quite the contrary . It looks like the last current thing I wrote was in April . After that I wrote about some memories from Domino 's Pizza , and then I started writing some fiction . I found a writer 's group online , and they have a weekly flash fiction challenge , which I have been getting into . And I 've also been getting a response to , as well . A lot of readers , and a few fans . I told them all that it tickles me pink to have actual published writers read my shit and like it , or at least say kind words about it . In April , if you recall - and I do , just barely - I had quit Pizza Hut . I had been there almost 10 months . About February of this year , gas prices started going up and up and up . I swear to God it was too expensive to drive to work , and then drive the van on the job delivering as well . I was out of work , and looking for a new PT job . It seems a good PTJ has been my life 's pursuit as an adult . If I could only get paid for doing some creative work , like writing or drawing a comic strip , or streaking with political statements painted on my ass . Speaking of slogans painted on my ass , I finally did find a PTJ on Craigslist . A little mom and pop liquor store needed some help . It was in St Charles , near where the Pizza Hut was . Like a pair of bruised testicles , I delicately weighed my options . It was still far , but at least I wasn 't driving once I was there . Plus , I had to concede , when I worked during the week I was already most of the way there at my day job . I met the owners , Bob and Marsha , and they liked me . It seemed like a really good fit . Marsha was especially impressed with a few lines in my reply letter ( because I 'm an impressive bullshitter ) , like the fact that I was looking for a long - term part time job . And that 's the truth . I 'm going to need to work two jobs for the foreseeable future , unless I win the lottery or civilization is destroyed . You can take your pick as to which one is more likely at this point . It 's a small store right off the highway in a little strip mall . I worked with Marsha my first few nights . She said it is two thousand square feet , to which I say bullshit . I would put it at one thousand , straight up . Marsha and Bob are an older couple - or at least older than me . They seem to be a pretty spry 60 - year - old husband and wife team . They 've owned it for about ten years . The last time I did retail was about twenty - five years ago . Other than the technology - touch screens and bar codes - things haven 't changed much . They were happy and so was Sarah ( the other employee ) that I liked taking care of the cooler . We would get our big delivery on Friday , and I would work Friday night , so I would put the stuff away that the driver just stacked in the middle of the cooler floor . It was a small , mom and pop shop , and it acted like it , too . Lots of regulars came through the door . I learned what they wanted , chatted them up , and tried to get them out the door quickly , if that 's what they wanted . I also needed to learn about the wine , and the beer , and the hard liquor . Their philosophy , which makes sense , is that you can go anywhere for liquor . But getting help - suggestions , knowledge , recommendations - is a rarity . We offered personal service . If anyone spends too long in the wine aisle , we go over and talk to them , try to find what they want and help them . If somebody wants something and we don 't have it , we write it down . Bob and Marsha would look into ordering it . Anything special somebody wanted , we would order , no problem . Not just wine , but also other spirits , and beer . I wasn 't able to try all the beers - because who has that kind of time ? - but I did manage to try a few . People are into the ales and the IPAs ( India Pale Ales ) , which are too " hoppy " for me . Hoppy is a pleasant euphemism for " bitter as hell . " I prefer a lager , or a Boch . But I listened to what people liked , what they said , processed it all , and could make some recommendations . And I learned something about being in sales : But I can tell people to try a wine , and they will . " Oh , yes , I 've had that one . I do like it ; however , this cab is more full - bodied . " " I would thoroughly recommend any of the wines from South America . This Australian Shiraz is really good , too . " " I usually have some of that Moscato chilled - I like a Riesling more , Germany makes an excellent sweet wine . " Say it with confidence , say it like you mean it . Be helpful . Just like evangelicals that proselytize their religion , most people just want someone to agree with their decision . And for the people that are into it , wine is a religion . It has its fanatics . With us in the plaza is , from stage right , a tanning salon , a dry cleaner , a Chinese restaurant , us , a Vietnamese nail salon , a Subway , and a bar . Having the bar there is pretty cool . For one thing , we are never the last one to close in strip , so I don 't walk out of there in the dark . For another , there is a never - ending flow of people , and a lot of hot chicks . The tanning place is too far down for me to see , but I know a few cute girls go in and out . The Chinese food place has one hot girl and a bunch of overly - protective family members . The nail salon has some pretty girls that I hardly get to see - they are kept out of sight like a rare commodity . They had planned to train me for three weeks . I would come in about a quarter to six , do the shift change , and the day person would leave and me and the other night person would stay . But seriously , the place is small , and there is not much to do for one person . For two people , it is sheer boredom and overkill . Maybe I was good , but I 'm sure they were looking for an excuse to let me go it alone . After a week and a half - which was five shifts - Marsha said I was ready . And I guess I was . The register - no problem . Lottery ? A little bit of practice was all it took . Plus , we had a couple of regular players that were patient and took the time to help , and that was more valuable than the normal training , as they talked me through their special ways of running tickets . I learned how to do kegs . All it took was a couple of people ordering them . At the end of the night , run the slip and count the money . My first night closing with Marsha , she showed me what to do . The next night I closed with her , I did it and she talked me through it . And the last part of the night I sweep and mop , take the rugs outside , clean the glass on the cooler doors , and take out the trash . Nothing to it . Once in a while there was something special , like dust off the wine bottles , or sweep in front of the store . I wasn 't paid a whole lot but it wasn 't hard , either . Sundays were slow . I worked more with Marsha than with Bob . Bob was your typical gruff old man , and not quite sure how to take me . But he liked me because I did good work , and word got back to him and Marsha from the customers that I was a good joe . People liked me . And why not ? I am one likeable asshole . Sarah was nice too . I would place her in her mid - twenties . She was not beautiful , but she was cute , and very sweet and helpful . Of course , after I was done training , I saw whomever I was relieving for no more than half an hour while we did the shift change and made some chitchat , and got an update on anything new or different . We have an apartment complex behind us , and that is a large part of the clientele as well . I remember delivering to that place from various delivery places I worked at . Lots of regulars from there . Lots of regulars - Jason , Marsha 's son , lives there with his girlfriend . He is out of work . Why didn 't they hire him ? Well , he had worked for them , for a couple of years . He was a young , good - looking jock - type . Oddly , we hit it off . The first few times he came in he was drunk , and he gave me an extensive tour of the craft beers and the wines . I remembered when I worked at Papa John 's in the nineties , we had a large international crew . One driver was a tall young Chinese dude . He mentioned that his parents owned a restaurant . I asked him , " Why don 't you work there ? " There was Don , a man of about 70 . Actually , I bet he was younger than that , but alcohol abused has aged him . He might be only 60 . I 've heard that he is super - smart , and he seems to be , when he 's not lit . He is a slight , skinny fellow with a snow white beard . I never caught the name of most of the other regulars . I would see a few people from the bar - people that worked there , I mean . They had a few cute servers that would come over for smokes , or for some airline bottles of vodka to drink on the job . Marty owned the bar , and he is a piece of work . Just really a spastic piece of work . And ask to go out the back door . I don 't know all the rules and laws about alcohol , but I guess the ATF frowns on liquor establishments buying liquor from places other than their approved vendors . I 'm sure this is a big deal . To me it 's arbitrary and bullshit , and I 'm sure the law was enacted more for the protection of the big breweries and their salespeople than whatever reason they claim it was enacted for . July and August I worked there , it was fun and easy , and no problem . I had asked for one day of the Labor Day weekend off - and I didn 't care which one , I just didn 't want to work all three . They obliged . My first day back was Wednesday . I was relieving Marsha , and she had some news . I didn 't notice the sign taped to the door . I need to be positive . " Well , that sounds great . I hope it works out for you then . " I could sense some guilt in her , like she felt bad for me , which is sweet . But this is her deal anyway , and I couldn 't stop it . They had been nice to me , so I didn 't want to add to their burden . She explained what she knew , which wasn 't much . The buyer was a Vietnamese guy , he didn 't speak much English . He had a friend , another Vietnamese guy , helping him . He was only slightly easier to understand . The deal would happen sometime this month . I thought I was going to have until the end of the month . but it turned out that September 11th was my last day . The deal would be done on that Wednesday . I thought I was going to work that Wednesday night , but the deal would be done during the day on Wednesday , so that Sunday , close to closing time , Marhsa and Bob came in . This was my last day . We chatted , I cleaned , I closed . Marsha counted the money , while Bob took me over to the bar and bought me a couple of beers . They had my check ready , my last check . With an extra fifty bucks in it , that was nice . Marsha joined us in the bar and we all talked about random stuff and interacted with the regulars . But Sunday night at the bar is Karaoke night . Marty , the bar owner , gets up there to sing first . He does that a lot - we can hear it from the liquor store . November 6 , 2011 at 1 : 10 PM | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments This is a short story , so I have some space for commentary . This is something I wrote a while back when a large number of people left my company for another . At least that was voluntary ; just a few months ago we had a large layoff . Of the 50 people on my floor , only 33 are left . It was like the rapture , in a way . I don 't blame the company ; they did what they had to do given the circumstances , and they did everything else they could before this happened . I work at a small bank . Yet , we do more business than the larger ones in terms of mortgage business in this area , and then we sell most of our loans to the larger ones . We have been fairly solvent and did not need the government bailout . However - Capitalism is not " evil , " nor are most corporations . As a conservative , I am generally against most regulation . However , I 'm actually more of a libertarian , which is just a conservative with loose morals . I 'm trying to be reasonable and logical . There is a right way to do things . And just as ridiculous is the notion that government can do anything constructive and useful . Riddle me this , Batman - has the government ever actually FIXED something , and made it better ? When laws are put into place that place arbitrary restrictions on some companies , but not on others , it is obvious that there is corruption and favoritism going on . Any new laws , new rules , or new regulations will do the same . Is there a logical reason for small companies being restricted from doing certain things , other than the fact that the larger ones don 't want them to , and they have the money to buy Congressmen to make it happen ? Occupy Wall Street should really be " Occupy Washington . " That 's where the goddamn problem is . Taking money from the rich will only frustrate you , because they will find a new way to make it . Meanwhile , if it 's taken from them , will it go to the poor ? No - no it won 't , Einstein . It will go to the House ( i . e . , the Government ) , because the House ALWAYS gets their cut . You are completely delusional if you think it 's going to be any other way . The dark and the rain only compounded the confusion . The giant ship seemed small as it tilted away from the iceberg . Survivors were running and screaming , scrambling for the sparsely numbered life boats . A few , a lucky few , had escaped in the skiffs before the storm , which was sometime between the pirate attack and being chased by the sea monster . The captain yelled above the fray , trying to maintain order . His voice was unheard before the din . Lightning crackled in the sky , and illuminated the ominous wall of ice that all but supported the ship , the SS Mortgage Division . A loud horn sounded , and everyone turned to see another ship , dropping anchor and prepared to help . Or was it ? The Jolly Roger whipped in the wind from its highest mast , and a voice over a bullhorn called to them , " Join us or die ! We can save you ! Bring your rolodex and your documents ! " A swarm heeded the call , and the doomed captain tried to call them back . " Don 't go ! It 's a trap ! The market is too volatile ! " he yelled in vain as one after another the passengers and crew jumped in the water and began to swim . Some made it … and some were eaten by sharks . Others were scooped out of the water by rabid polar bears . In the end , after the storm had died down to a drizzle , the pirate ship had sailed on , and only dozen or so were left . Bryan numbered among them , and he counted himself lucky . Here he was , in the captain 's boat . Safe , secure . Homefree - " Water ! We 're takin water over the side , captain ! " Panic spread through out the small boat quickly . Thinking quickly , the captain made a decision . Bryan tread water , shivering , as the skiff floated away . The other passengers on the boat wished him well . " Good luck ! " " Hang in there ! " and " We really appreciate this ! " They floated off to the mythical land of job security and 401k growth .

Before I started working on " Paul Writes " again a couple months back , I was doing a Hippie kind of blog to try and promote the lofty idea of loving everyone . I can 't decide if I want to continue with that blog , so I thought I 'd guest post it here to see if anyone is interested in this kind of thing . Love you guys ! Neo Hippie Me Like the header on the blog implies , every one is welcome here and all are safe . I don 't care what walk of life you come from or how far down the path you have come , you are my brother or sister . It doesn 't matter your race , age , gender , religion , sexual orientation , or whatever other tag Society can place on you to make you feel different , here in the hippie world we are all the same and are all equals . It took me some time to understand that . Before getting in touch with the real me , the person I always wanted to be , I believed in a different style of equality , and it 's the same one society seems to encourage . Equal , but separate . Equal , until I don 't agree with you . And that is not the way to be , peeps . We have to look at everyone with open eyes . No preconceived notions … Note : Hello Friday ! Today , as we prepare to enter the weekend , we celebrate with a post that is a little bit longer than usual . This part relays a little back story involving the house , and as such , to break it up into two posts would disrupt the flow of the story . Still , I hope you enjoy the read and have a great weekend . see you tomorrow with more ! Summer was in the kitchen , having finished her bath and gotten ready to go to the orchard store . She flashed me a smile , but she knew something had happened . " What 's wrong ? " she asked . " I called my brother . " I hesitated . Now wasn 't the time to tell her I wasn 't going back home . " No , not really , " I replied . I flashed her a smile and reached for her hand . . " You ready to go ? " She leaned to me and gave me a kiss on my waiting lips . " Yeah , I 'm ready . " She looked at her bags by the door . " But I haven 't taken these up yet . " No matter how many times I walked through the orchard , with or without Summer , I was always amazed of how peaceful it was to me . Out here on this apple farm it seemed I was worlds away from the life I had lived , worlds away from anything I had expected to be . Some would probably say it 's just a farm , just a normal walk among apple and peach trees , nothing special about it at all . But I was learning it was very special indeed . It wasn 't just the fact you didn 't hear the sound of horns and traffic , or the shouts of people arguing in all the apartments around you . It wasn 't just the fact the air was cleaner , more natural , or that the sky looked bluer with bleach white clouds racing across the sky . No , it was more than those things . It was the knowing that this was the kind of life you always wanted - carefree , simple , slow paced , no concern for tomorrow , just this moment of walking through God 's beautiful acre . Summer made it even better . Not only was this the kind of living I always wanted , but unknown to me , this was the kind of girl I wanted - down to earth , beautiful inside and out , with a way to make sun shine out of the darkest clouds that could ever hover overhead . Spirited , compassionate , smart , easy to talk to and even easier to fall for . Maybe this isn 't the right way to say it , but Summer was everything Ashley wasn 't . The latter was one of those girls that when you were with her she had a way of making you feel you were the most important thing in the universe . But when you were away from her you weren 't sure , or maybe you didn 't even think about it . It was only after she ditched me at the altar that I began to think of her and all the things she had been and all the things she hadn 't . Ashley was pure city girl . Trendy restaurants , parties to be seen at , expensive designer clothes , hundred dollar hairdressers . She wouldn 't have been caught dead tubing on a river , sitting on a porch and watching a sunset , or even walking through an apple orchard on the way to a little country storI looked over at Summer as we walked among the rows of trees down the dirt path . I didn 't have to do much to please her . She didn 't need to have expensive things or be seen by all the important people . It was enough for her to be walking hand in hand with me on a beautiful clear morning without a care for what the day would bring , other than that I would be there to share it with her . I couldn 't imagine Summer as the kind of girl that on the way to her wedding would decide the groom wasn 't good enough ; she would have already known that . She would have known the depths of her heart and how much her husband - to - be meant to her . Ashley 's problem was she didn 't know what she wanted because she didn 't have a mind of her own . Too concerned about what everyone else thought or wanted for her , I don 't believe she ever took the time to ask herself what truly made her happy . She would never do anything out of pure love , or even out of wanting to be loved . As long as it kept up appearances , any relationship , close or distant , was good enough for her . Now , with summer 's hand in mine , for the first time I felt happy I had been left to stand at the altar . I know I would never have been this happy walking beside Ashley , and my life with her would never have been my own . Happiness , love , contentment , peace - it would have all been pretend with her . But not with Summer . I stopped . We were almost at the store . " Summer , " I said , turning her towards me . " I want you to know how happy I am right now this very instant . " She smiled and it lit up her whole face . " I am happy too , Matthew . There 's nowhere else I would rather be than here with you under the apple trees . " Technically speaking , we weren 't under the trees , but one look in her beautiful brown eyes told me what she was thinking . She moved into my arms and kissed me soft on the lips . If a man could melt in the morning sun , I would have been a puddle . She took my hand and led me off the path until we were , in fact , under an apple tree . She eased me down onto the ground , tenderly pulling me on top of her . Slowly and ever so sweetly , we kissed and touched each other 's faces , so lost in each other we didn 't hear the approaching truck until it had passed by on the path we had just left . We could hear a few giggles as it went by , and I thought I heard one member of our rolling audience exclaim , " Tipo con suerte ! " It was twenty minutes later that we made it to the store . After the Latino workers had driven by in their truck , we had lay there together curled up under the tree . Staring into each other 's faces , we didn 't say much of anything . There was no need to . We both knew what we were feeling , even if we were still too scared to put it into words . Instead , our conversation was held with the eyes and lips , until we knew we had to get going to the store again . Helen was working the register at the front of the store , and being Friday it was a little busier than usual . Still , the older woman spotted us from behind the counter and gave us a nod and smile as she waited on her customers . Summer wandered down an aisle made up of baskets of apples . Each basket held a different variety , and as I came up alongside her and asked her what she was looking for , she wistfully smiled . The woman laughed at this and rolled her eyes in my direction . " I don 't know what it is , but this country air is sometimes charged with tomfoolery . " She shrugged . " But that 's okay , if it wasn 't for that , I imagine most of us wouldn 't be here , now would we ? " I didn 't know if she meant frisky behavior brought us all into the world or whether the reason we were here was to get frisky ourselves . Either way , she may not have been too far off the mark . " I 'll just grab us a soda , " I told Summer and made my way to the drink cooler . I grabbed two drinks out of the cooler and came back over to them . Summer must have broached the subject of paying to stay on an extra couple days . Helen was shaking her head . " Yes , that 's exactly what he said too . " She smiled at us both . " He was serious about it then , but you 're not now . So keep your money and have fun at Orchard House . " " I guess you didn 't know , " Helen went on . " Orchard House has a way of bringing people together no matter where they came from or how they was brought up . In fact , my mother met my father there . It wasn 't for rent then . She lived there with her parents , her older sister , and a younger brother . It was a regular farmhouse then , my grandparents had started the orchard and it was young in those days . Her younger brother Sammy was in the war . This was about ' 42 or ' 43 , and he came home with this buddy of his , a fella he called Gunboats . Now right away , they fixed that blonde hair , blue eyed soldier boy up with the older sister , Jessica , but the one that boy really had the eye for was my mother , Hope . " Helen stopped long enough to make sure there weren 't any customers that needed waiting on and then continued with her story . " Now , Gunboats was staying at Orchard House while the boys were on leave , and it always seemed to everyone , even my grandparents , that he was going to end up proposing to Jessica before they had to go back to England and the war . Problem was , Jessica was the lady type , and prim and proper , all dolled up all the time . She wouldn 't let no boy see her without her being perfectly presentable , if you know what I mean . So , in all the times she made Gunboats wait to see her , he entertained himself by making conversation with Hope , who was to most the tomboy type . She didn 't dress up for nobody , didn 't doll herself up , and was more content going outside and climbing a tree than going to dances . " The bell over the door jingled , and a couple customers came in . Helen waved to them and then turned back to us . " Care to guess what Gunboats did ? " " He went and bought a ring for Hope . She wouldn 't wear it though . Said she didn 't want the pain of having him , and then losing him in that awful war . When he asked her to at least be his girl , she wouldn 't do that either . She told him they could be friends while he was away , and if he came back they could court . So , he took that ring he bought , put it on a chain around his neck , and promised her both the ring and he would come back . " " Tell you what , " she said . " Come back tomorrow and I 'll tell you the rest . " We both gave her a look of disappointment . We wanted the rest now . " I 'll tell you this much . The ring came back before the body did . " " Yeah me too . Come on , let 's get in line and pay for these . " We went up to the counter , and after a few minutes Helen was ringing us up . She looked at our said faces . " Oh don 't have them long faces , you two . Orchard house is about living and loving , not dying and losing . Just do me a favor , tonight when you 're up there , think of Gunboats sleeping on a cot set out in the living room . Around the corner down the hall , Jessica waiting for him to wise up and marry her before the war killed him . And upstairs , Hope , wanting that boy more than anything but not wanting to endure losing him . I think sometimes the fear of losing someone keeps us from loving them . Hope knew that . The house up there knew that . But Gunboats didn 't . He left Orchard House thinking that girl didn 't love him , and it took two years before the house drug him back . But that 's a tale for another time . " " You bet . Just come see me and I 'll dish the rest . " She smiled . " But before you go , let me give you a piece of advice just in case you get busy and don 't come back for the rest of the story . Don 't either one of you be a Gunboats , thinking the other don 't care . Because you know as well as I do , you can say you 're not a couple , but Orchard house knows you are . " " No need to hide , young lady . I know who you are . He won 't shut up about you no matter how much I plead him to stop . " He leaned down towards us and grinned . In his arms , he held two bags of groceries . " I would ask you two to help me with these , but I can see you 're otherwise busy . Well , never mind , stay prostrate as you like . The air is probably livelier down there anyway . " Haru got up from his prone position and helped me to my feet . " He probably doesn 't need it , but we can be civil . What I wanted to show you is inside anyway . " In the kitchen , Uncle Tomoko had set the bags on the dining table . Coming through the back door , we both proceeded to unload the groceries so he could put them up . From the looks of things , everything had its place . Tomoko ran a tight , organized kitchen . The older man laughed . " Miss Williams , no maid would be able to take our brand of madness for long . But don 't think we haven 't considered it . You interested ? " I smiled . " Sure , why not ? " In that moment , I felt like we were typical teenagers , rather than a centuries old vampire and his human girlfriend . We left Tomoko in the kitchen and moved through the house . If I was expecting sparse furnishings , I was wrong . It could have been a show house , one of those places you find in homes magazines . It reminded me of a trip around the world with stops in Egypt , France , England , and of course , Japan . Everywhere you looked , there was something representing a different country . This was not a gothic vampire house , this was a suburban castle of a world traveler . As always , he seemed to know where my thoughts lie . " I 'm sorry we didn 't invite your family , " he said . " We 'd been told you were vampire hunters . That wasn 't quite the atmosphere my uncles wanted . " He smirked . " Oh well , it was Ryo who wanted them to come . He saw them outside Amanda 's house when we arrived in town . They got the first invite , even before a party was even planned . " His room wasn 't at all what I expected . If I was thinking it would be painted black with pinups of Vampirella , Bloodrayne , or Alice Cullen I was mistaken . And it didn 't have the appearance of a teenage boy 's room , either . At first glance , it looked more like a template for a hotel room . Sparse and generic , it held a bed , dresser , mirror on the wall , and a small , open closet . A divider ran through the back half of the room , separating it from a toilet and shower . The simple furnishings helped remind me that though he had the look of a teenage boy , Haru had lived hundreds of years . I imagine having to follow the latest , ever changing trends for that long would get old . Trying to keep up with what kids found popular would be maddening , so instead he had settled for a room that reflected none of those flighty things . He did , however , have a wall mounted television , under which sat a shelf of DVD 's and Blu - Ray discs . A quick perusal gave me insight to his various interests and likes . As he had already told me , he had the Suspiria movie , in several editions , as well as other Italian horror films . I hadn 't heard of any of them , but the covers looked quite terrifying . On the American side of things , he had foregone Twilight and Vampire Diaries for American Horror Story and the original Dark Shadows , a black and white TV show dad had gotten me hooked on when I was little . From Japan , he had a small collection of ghost story movies , like Ringu and Ju - On . Despite his apparent love of horror , which endeared me to him even more , a few movies in his collection looked out of place : The Breakfast Club and Pretty In Pink . When I raised an eyebrow and looked at him , he just shrugged and said , " Ducky should have got the girl . " I didn 't see any computers or laptops around , and the only decorations on the wall were two framed photographs , one of a creepy looking forest , the other of a woman in white sleeping on top of a mausoleum . There were no rock and roll posters , girly pinups , or any other things a young man would have in his room . There wasn 't even a stereo , as far as I could tell , though I did notice a small clock radio on an end table at his bedside . We ordered in pizza , and I used Haru 's cell to call Angela . She didn 't answer , but I figured she didn 't recognize the number . If I 'd used mine , she might not have answered either after our argument the night before . I smiled and gave him a quick kiss . " Okay , thank you . I won 't lie . I 'm still worried , even though you said he wouldn 't turn her . " I let him draw me close . As his lips met mine , I swore I heard singing from somewhere in the house . The lilting voice seemed to be butchering an Adele song in wonderful ways . It was a nice serenade , and with Haru 's mouth on mine , my fingers fumbling with the removal of his shirt , we fell back on the bed . I half expected an explosion of roses to erupt from the mattress , as Rolling In The Deep became Tearing Up The Sheets . An hour later , we lay in bed , the covers tossed about us , clothes laying on the floor . He cradled me in one arm . His free hand played with my hair , as if he were fascinated with every strand on my head . He leaned close and breathed me in . He sighed as if he had just caught a whiff of grandma 's freshly baked Christmas cookies . I had to smile . It was wonderful having a boy make over me like this . All the little moments a girl dreams of , all the things she wishes a boy to be , it was right here in this bed , where space was so tight the only thing keeping me on the mattress was Haru 's strong arm around me . " No , it 's not , " I answered with confidence . After all , I had been asking myself the same thing . We had been making love like a brush fire out of control . Our lovemaking was intense and often , as if today was all we had . I think we both knew we would have to slow it down soon , but right now it was fresh , exciting , and we were so insatiable for each other we couldn 't stand it . To not be able to touch Haru , or to feel his body next to mine , was now my biggest fear . I wanted him all the time and was not ashamed . I kissed him and threw my bare leg over his thighs . I lay my head on his chest and breathed in his scent . I was going to hate going back to school tomorrow . It was the last week until summer break , but I really didn 't … . Chinatsu was dressed all in black . Tight fitting spandex and high turtleneck . Hair pinned back . She looked like a ninja assassin in a Marvel comic book . She didn 't seem surprised to find us in bed together , but instead got straight to the point for her interruption . " The custodian at the high school was the first victim it looks like . Happened last night sometime . Trail of bodies through town , heading out to the highway and beyond . We don 't know how far the trail leads . Luhan sent me back for you and Ryo . We don 't know how many we 're dealing with . " " Seven . I 'm sure there 's more . No apparent connections . Looks pretty random . Just people in the wrong place at the wrong time . " " I 'll wait outside , " she said . She stepped back through the doorway and then stopped . " I know parting is such sweet sorrow , but make it a quick goodbye . " When she was gone , I came out from under the covers . Haru was almost dressed by the time my feet touched the floor . " You can stay here if you like , " he said . " You 'll be protected under this roof . " I knew there was no point in arguing , no matter how bad I wanted to be part of their clan . The truth of the matter was that I 'm human . I would be a distraction and a liability . My fear alone would alter the playing field . " There will be many more , " he whispered , as if he were in my head seeing all those fears . " I am forever and always yours . I will always return from the hunt . " He smiled and kissed me again . " I will . " And then he was out the door , leaving me standing there , fearing for not only his safety , but my own . I sat in his room for a little bit , perched on the edge of his bed , debating on what to do . I knew I couldn 't follow them ; there was no way I 'd be able to keep up . But to stay here holed up inside the vampire 's suburban fortress wasn 't much of an option either . Not while mom was next door alone and unprotected . I still had dad 's vampire slaying kit in my closet if I needed it , but mom would be clueless how to react in the event of a bloodsucker home invasion . I looked around Haru 's room . Once he had gone it seemed devoid of anything , like a blank canvas in which the painter forgot how to even mix the paints . It was as if Haru had been the very thing that brought life to the bleak surroundings , and without him it was more like a crypt than a bedroom . The stifling atmosphere was too much , so I got up and left the room . The rest of the house seemed just as lonely . I could still hear singing coming from somewhere within the house , but it was softer now . There was no sign of the vampire uncles , but I didn 't feel I was alone . They were here somewhere . I thought of calling out a goodbye to let them know I was leaving , but I figured they already knew , so I left by the back door and crossed the yard towards my house . I looked across the street to the Winston house . All looked quiet over there . I assumed Ryo had taken off with Haru and Chi , and so now the house looked the way it used to in the days before Mrs . Winston was turned into a vampire . It was crazy how so much had changed in just a short amount of time . The vampire boys had arrived , and with them had come a whole new world . Before , my worries had been about being bullied , passing grades , and what new rumors about me were being spread . Now my head was filled with new , different series of worries . Were we under a vampire attack ? How long would I have with Haru before he moved on or I wasted away from age ? What was mom going to think when she found out not only was I having sex , but I was having it with a vampire ? With that thought , my mind returned to home and mother . She was by herself , and somewhere vampires were killing people . I had to get in there and be ready to protect my family if need be . It would be the thing my father would do if he were here . And since he was locked up , it was up to me to step up and be the ' man ' of the house . I walked up the porch and opened the front door . It was quiet in the house , which was not that unusual , as mom preferred silence when she was drinking , cooking dinner , or trying to sleep . She didn 't watch television much , but did keep the stereo turned on in the living room . Usually it was just set on a local radio station and turned down low as a whisper , but now there was dead silence . I walked into the kitchen . " Mom , " I called out , thinking that was where she would be , but the room was empty . A half eaten plate of food sat on the counter , as well as an empty glass . I bent down and took a whiff . Rum and Coke . I left the kitchen and went back out into the hallway . I hesitated at the stairs , figuring what I would find if I went up to her room . Mom passed out on her bed , or drinking in the tub , most likely . I took a deep breath and started up the steps . That 's when I heard it . A quiet sobbing underneath the silence . Was mom crying ? Had she gotten so drunk now it was time for a sobfest ? She wasn 't one who got that way much when drinking , but I had seen it on occasion after an argument with myself or dad . On the landing , I paused . The sobbing wasn 't right . It was louder now , going from sniffles and sad moans to a loud anguished wail , as if someone was being tortured to their very soul . I bolted down the hallway . For a brief moment , I considered stopping at my room to retrieve the stake from the vampire slaying kit , but there wasn 't time . The cacophony of pain was increasing , and if there was an enemy vampire in my mom 's room I was going to have to take it on bare handed . I burst into the room . Mom was on her bed , her face red , tears streaming down her face . I cast my gaze back and forth across the length of the room , looking for the invader , but I saw no one . Perhaps he had fled , scared off by footsteps or her screaming . Back in the house it seemed different . The air of dread that hung over us both that morning had dissipated , replaced by a reprieve that would allow us to relax and find ourselves , and indeed each other , in all the turmoil that our lives had been . We closed the door behind us , and as she sat on one of the stools around the kitchen island , I poured us both a cup of coffee . " Would you do me a favor ? " I asked as I set her cup in front of her . " Shut up . " She leaned towards me and planted a kiss firm on my lips . I closed my eyes . This was so wonderful . If I 'd known her kisses tasted this heavenly I would have shut up the first moment I met her . I sighed . " Well , in actuality you don 't have to . And neither do I . According to Helen at the store , the price I paid to stay was for double occupancy . So you could just stay as my guest and nobody owes anyone anything . " She seemed to think about that one for a minute . " That may be so , but I should still offer to pay them . " She looked at me with a teasing smile . " That way you 'll know I 'm staying for sure . " She put her hand on top of mine . " I 'm glad you wanted me to . No one has ever tried to get me to stay when I get that flight feeling in me . They just let me go and don 't try to convince me otherwise . It really means something to me that you are … . well , different than anyone else . " I squeezed her hand and leaned close to her . " I have a feeling , " I said . " A feeling that the both of us have needed someone to be honest with us . And that 's one thing I promise you right here , I will always be honest . You can count on me ; I 'm not going to let you down or make you regret your decision to stay . " She placed her lips soft against mine and we closed our eyes . The kiss was wonderful , sending butterflies through my stomach and making me dizzy with the need to hold her and kiss her for the rest of our days here . When we parted , she smacked her lips together as if she had just put on some chap stick . Without another word , I lifted her from her stool and set her over in my lap . I wrapped my arms around her , enveloping her like a cocoon , and she in turn straddled me , wrapping arms and legs about me , two lovers desperately trying to be one . Her mouth full upon mine , lips parted and tongues darting , I rose , carrying her across the room , her legs and arms still wrapped around me , until we reached the hallway where we collapsed against the wall . Pleasantly pinned , her hands groped my back , and I found my hands sliding down her backside , as well . She grabbed my butt , giving it a loving squeeze , and I pressed myself against her , placing her back to the wall . I could feel her breasts pushing against my chest and our breaths grew louder and ragged , mouths devouring each other , hands exploring bodies through our clothes . And then just as suddenly as it had begun , it ended . She dropped her legs from around me and let them touch the floor . Gently and without much force , she separated herself from me , her breathing still hard as she took a deep breath . She put her hand to my lips to hush me . " I know , I couldn 't help myself either . I really am enjoying this … but let 's just take it easy for now , ok ? " I took a breath too , and she gave me a reassuring smile to let me know I had done nothing wrong . She was just not used to things going so fast . After all , just minutes ago she was prepared to leave , and now we were making out in the hallway like there would never be a tomorrow . In this day and age it may not have been unusual for a relationship to get heated and go to the next level in twelve hours , but I don 't think either of us were emotionally prepared for that . Perhaps our flesh and passions were , but we needed to take a time out and think about this . She was afraid of being hurt someday soon by yours truly and I was … Well , I needed to get some things out of my system before I could let my heart completely open and allow my desire for Summer to soar free . " I 'll go with you , " I said . She looked up at me with a look on her face that said she wasn 't ready for communal bathing . I laughed . " I meant I 'd go with you to the store . " The shocked look left her face , and with a little embarrassment , returned my smile to me . " Oh , okay . Guess you can tell where my mind is at . " She looked away so I couldn 't see the red growing on her cheeks . " Yeah , well okay , bath time , " she stammered . " I 'll be in my room . Just give me a shout when you 're ready to go . " I leaned towards her and kissed her on the cheek . " See you in a bit . " Then I headed to my room and the task I had been avoiding ever since I had arrived at Orchard House . I sat down at the writing desk and looked at my cellphone laying there . I wasn 't real anxious to do it , but I knew I had to call my brother and get all this over with . I hit the speed dial and waited for it to connect . " Hello Eric , " I said , when he picked up on his end . " Matthew ! " he shouted in my ear . " Man , I have been worried sick about you ! Where the hell did you take off to in such a hurry ? " My leaving hadn 't been that big of a hurry , but I didn 't want to start off the conversation with a disagreement . We would get to that soon enough . " I needed to get away for a little while , brother . Clear my head and just go for a drive . " There was silence on the line . I knew he was trying to work it out in his head if I was talking about getting away from him or Ashley . " Long drive , " he finally replied . " Look Matthew , I 'm sorry about the talking to Ashley thing . I know I should have told you , and I was wrong . I know you feel I betrayed you … " " I needed you , Eric . I needed for you to stand up for your little brother . You stood up when I got picked on in school . You stood up for me when I was in the hospital last year . But when it comes to a woman , you won 't stand up for me at all . You just took her side without asking how I was holding up or how I felt . " " You don 't get it . What if Liza took herself and the boys and left you , then I started talking to her immediately afterwards and didn 't tell you . Wouldn 't that hurt ? " " This is like the hospital , isn 't it ? " he said . " Look , bro , none of this is your fault . Mom and dad wasn 't your fault . You and Ash wasn 't your fault . It 's just everything has its season , and when that season ends , you either wait for it to come around again or you leave it behind and get on with the next season . " " That 's exactly what I 've done . Because I 've learned that my time with Ashley was a season cold as winter . But I 've discovered there 's nothing like Summer . " At this point the ideal thing would have been to hang up on him or tell him about Summer herself , but I didn 't . " I don 't want to fight with you , Eric . I just called to let you know it 's okay , I 'm over it . " I took a deep breath . " I don 't know where this particular journey ends , but I 'm ready to let everything go . Mom and dad , Ashley , you . " " No , you listen to me for once . We were happy brothers . Inseparable . We took every journey together . But you can 't go on this journey with me . " " Not like that Eric . I 'm sorry for her . That she 'll never love anyone , nor ever be happy , because she can 't be honest about her feelings . It 's sad , but she 'll always be haunted by the one that she threw away . " I hung up on him . I set the cellphone down on the desk top . My hands were shaking . Not because of nervousness , but from anger . Calling my brother should have made me feel better , but all it did was upset me more . It made me think of what I had originally set out to do when I first pulled in the driveway of Orchard House . I felt a tear well up in my eye , but I wasn 't going to cry over this anymore . I wouldn 't waste another tear on anyone . No one but Summer . I looked in the mirror to make sure my composure would be okay when I faced her . After the conversation with my brother , I was convinced only one thing would make me feel better , and I could hear her in the kitchen . I faked a smile at my reflection and went out into the hall . The Artist 's Village was across from Orchard House . Right beside a rolling creek lay several wooden buildings , all with porches and awnings . Hand painted signs decorated each one , signifying which artist or craftsman set up shop there . At the first , handmade jewelry was laid out on the porch railing . Across the bottom of the awning , a few dozen brightly colored dream catchers spun , trying to catch the sun more than dreams . We stopped and spoke to the woman who was set up here . It was the very same one who crafted the jewelry we had seen on display at the Italian restaurant in town . After perusing a few of her pieces and engaging in small talk , we moved on to the next little building . Here , an older man was sitting on the steps , telling an audience of three how the local Native Americans who once graced the area made their own knives . He was deeply engaged in showing them how they used flint to shape the arrowheads , and was in the process of making one himself as he talked . I found this fascinating , but it wasn 't why we had come to the village , so we moved on . At the very last building we discovered the fortune teller . Her shop was surrounded by little stone cairns she had made from rocks drug up from the creek bed . A sign hung over the awning declaring " Fortunes Divined " , and the woman who stood there at the railing as if expecting us fit the bill of wandering gypsy . Hair wrapped up in a colorful bandana and wearing a dress so long it dragged the earth , beaded necklaces around her throat , she looked like something out of an old novel getting ready to warn us not to go to Dracula 's castle . She greeted us with a smile . " I do divine fortunes , but not as in palm reading or tarot cards , or giving vague predictions about tall dark strangers . I help others divine their fortunes , mostly in the form of finding things they have lost . Have you lost something ? " She smiled , and when she spoke her reply sounded like a doctor gently trying to tell a patient whatever they have is terminal . " Both of you should consider this . Often , lost things have a way of coming back to you . Now you can be as you say and refuse to accept it back , but remember , some things lose themselves just so you will come looking for them again . " Great , we not only had a gypsy who didn 't tell fortunes , but she also talked so cryptic it could take weeks to decipher her meaning . So I cut to the chase . " What do you mean ? " She looked at me as if it was obvious and I was only embarrassing myself . " You lost someone you believed you loved . You are almost over this person , but something remains , some little piece of you that craves to know what was lost . If anything . " I glanced over at Summer . She looked a bit put out , as if all this time I had been harboring a secret desire to call up Ashley and beg her to come back . Before I could tell her that was preposterous , the fortune teller fixed her with her gaze . " And you , young lady , are in the same boat . Someone you believed you could love disappointed you , and yet you still long to know why they could not love you . It is a man of course , but not necessarily this one . " Summer smiled as gracious as she could , but I could tell the woman 's words were hitting her close to the belt . " That 's correct . But I 'm not going to waste time on that particular disappointment anymore . So in this case , I guess it 's best to stay lost . " The woman smiled at both of us and gave a slight bow , more for effect than any courtesy I imagine . " Then you have no need of my services . I believe you both know what you want . You just don 't know how to get there , or what to do with it once you have it . " She sighed . " But it will come to you in time . Fate always gets her way like that . " The walk back up the drive seemed longer than the walk down . And it wasn 't because we were going uphill either . It was because of what I dreaded lying in wait once we arrived at the house . My hope had been this fortune teller would encourage Summer that something wonderful could be waiting in the wings for her instead of cryptic predictions about her father and my ex . I don 't think it helped out my cause any . " Batting her eyelashes and calling you darling . Fishing to find out if you 'd take Ashley back or if she had a chance . I could have smacked her if I hadn 't been afraid she 'd put a hex on me . " I shook my head , embarrassed . I don 't believe any girl had ever thought of me like that . " You 're nuts , " I said . I thought I would die laughing if she hadn 't looked so serious about it . " Now see , this is why I love your company , " I admitted . " You make me laugh and smile like I haven 't in ages . And even when I say something that hurts your feelings I still find myself craving to be around you . " I started walking again , and she kept the pace with me . The laughter was over now though . We were drawing alongside her car in the drive . It was just a short walk around the corner to the back door where her bags waited . I didn 't know what else to say , what else I could do , to convince her to stay . The only thing I had left was honesty . " Look Summer , I don 't know what 's happening between us . I don 't know what to call this that I feel . " We both stopped at the porch steps . " All I know is when I 'm with you , I feel good . About myself . About the world around me . About you . And to even imagine you being gone makes me feel lost . Even more lost than … " I couldn 't finish the sentence , I couldn 't even look at her for fear she would know how scared I was . " Well , regardless , all I 'm asking is if you feel the same way , or even a shade of what I feel . . Please stay . We can take these few days and figure things out together . If you needed me to be there when you faced your father , then I need you here to face . . Well , whatever 's next for me . " " Matthew , you know I like you . I really do . But I am scared . Absolutely terrified of my feelings . And of yours . I don 't know what this is either . I feel it , but it scares me . And I do want to run . I want to hide away where no hurt can come to me . My defense has always been to run when I find myself getting close to someone . But if I 'm going to stay , I 'm going to need you to keep me from running . " She finally looked up into my face and I noticed the look in her eyes was desperate , pleading . " I 'm going to need you to make me stay . " We stood in silence for a moment and then I stepped towards her . I opened my arms and she came into them like a prodigal returning home after a long absence . I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my lips to her ear . " Don 't run , " I whispered . My lips grazed her cheek and I felt her sob against me , her body quietly shaking in my embrace . I kissed her cheek and spoke a quiet " shhh " in her ear . I felt her clutch me as if it were the last time she would ever do so , and then she pulled away . With her arm she wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at me with a new sense of resolve . I wasn 't sure what she was resolved to do , though . I felt I had only one more shot at convincing her , if that . I didn 't want her to go . If I knew only one thing in my life , this was it . More than anything , I wanted her here with me . I took her back into my arms and held her so tight that if she changed her mind she wouldn 't be able to run , not even in place . We stood there like that , two statues of flesh and blood , perfectly molded in place . With her breath in my ear , and my kisses upon her cheek , her lips came seeking mine in a tenderness that said things our own voices could not : I need you . Before we begin with today 's post , I want to thank you for following and reading this little novel of mine in this ongoing daily format . If you are new to the story or just need to play catch up , click on the link below to go to the Orchard House main page . There you will find a table of contents that will allow you to go back to the beginning , or any previous part in the story . Keep in mind , each part is 2000 words or less , allowing you to read as time and schedule allows . Again , thank you for visiting Orchard House . I hope you will enjoy your stay . There are many things that go unspoken by new couples . Perhaps they just assume the other knows how they feel , and so they don 't take the moment to confess their fears and worries about the relationship . But in my mind later that night , I pondered if the relationship would even survive past tomorrow . Summer had retired to her room and the sleep she said she needed for whatever tomorrow would bring . I knew she meant the fact that she would be leaving , even though she hadn 't quite told me so . After our dance and night of kissing , the bed I lay in seemed very lonely . You don 't think of these things much when you have no one . It isn 't until the experience of that first kiss , that first taste of longing and desire , does the bed reveal itself as empty . I lay there wondering what it would be like to sleep at Summer 's side , to feel her breathing form resting against me , to watch her peaceful countenance as she slept and sweetly dreamed . To see her smile in her sleep would be one of life 's greatest pleasures , I imagined . I awoke to the sound of my phone ringing . It roused me up from sleep like someone screaming in my ear . I checked my cell to see who was calling . It was my brother . I didn 't answer it . I still wasn 't ready to talk to him . I had bigger worries now that I was awake . I looked out my bedroom to the driveway . Summer 's car was still there . I breathed a sigh of relief . Getting dressed , I feared what I would find once I walked out the room . With just the slightest hesitation , I made my way out into the hall . I glanced up the stairs and noticed Summer 's bedroom door was open . I went around the hallway and to the living room . Looking to my right into the kitchen , I saw her bags sitting by the backdoor and my face fell . " Matthew , " I heard her say , and I walked towards the sound of her voice . She was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee . " I have to talk to you . " I didn 't even bother with fixing myself any coffee . I was already wide awake and a bundle of wired nerves . I sat down across from her and looked into her face . It was evident she had been crying . She sighed heavily . " Matthew , I know you want to help , and being here with you has been so nice . I will always be grateful for how you helped me with my dad , and all the wonderful times we 've had , but I have to go . " " I know you don 't . And part of me doesn 't want to . But I have to just get away and clear my head for a while . Decide what to do . " I couldn 't believe what I just heard , not after all we had been through together . " I see , " I stammered . " Well then . . " I got up from the table . " I guess you better go then . " " You 're not the only one , Summer . I was in turmoil too before you came , but you brought me peace . You made me see things different , made me open my heart and take a chance . But now I feel you won 't take a chance . " " Yeah , what about tomorrow ? Better yet , what about today ? Whatever happened with living day by day ? You are making judgments against me before I have even done anything . You are just assuming one day I will do you wrong . " " Look , Summer . Last night to me was the most beautiful thing I could ever have experienced , and you to me are the most amazing , beautiful woman I have ever met . And now , just when I 'm getting to know you , to get close to you , you want to run . " " When are you going to stop running ? I 'm not your father . I 'm not any ex you may have had . I 'm me , and though I know I 'm not much , I am honest with you and I feel we have a shot at something amazing . Now if you want to go , then I can 't stop you . But know that as you do , you are leaving behind a man who is ready to throw all caution to the wind and leap into the unknown with you . " " Oh Matty , " she said , reaching for me . She wrapped her arms around me and clung to me tightly , resting her head on my shoulder . " I 'm so scared . " " Summer , stop the what ifs . Why are you trying to convince yourself things won 't work between us ? Why can 't you just put a little trust and faith in what we have ? " I could tell by how rigid her body was against me that she was torn . I knew she wanted to stay . But another part of her wanted to bolt . Just like she did in the orchard . If she bolted this time however , it would be in her car , and I didn 't think she would be returning at nightfall . " Summer , I know , just from the past few days that we have a connection . Despite our different backgrounds , our age gap , and our past sorrows , we have something special . I know you can feel it . " Look , you don 't have to leave right at this instant , do you ? Even if you want to leave today , you don 't have to go immediately . Would you just stay a little longer ? " I laughed at the expression on her face . " At the artist 's village . They are set up this morning . There 's a sign out there that says fortunes divined . So , let 's go get divined . " Resurrection Diaries has come to the itunes store at the ridiculous price of FREE . This is so awesome . First Amazon , now apple . So whether you are about the kindle or ibooks , you can download my first book for free . Hope you 'll go check it out 🙂 Resurrection Diaries by Paul D . Aronson on iBooks

Today I learned the coolest dance . I totally have to work it into my Christmas traditions . A lady from Sweden taught it to us . Basically , you hold hands in a long line and run around the room and in and out of doors . It was awesome ! Of course , we did it with about 30 people . It might loose something if it 's just the three of us . I 'll definitely have to teach my brothers and sisters this one . I think it will be more fun with more people . And it 's from another country , so it 's cultural . Posted by I did it ! I was unsure about this when I started , but I made it anyway . Now , I might take a break for a bit . But I 'll be back soon . Thank you to all of you who have commented and made me feel like this was worthwhile . And thank you to those of you who read this and still like me instead of thinking I 'm just a huge dork . And thank you all for not pointing out too many of my grammar and spelling mistakes , and for at least pretending like what I say makes sense . Thanks for all of you who supported me in this challenge by " following " me . It 's been a good experience for me . Posted by Well , I 'm trying to decide what to do about this blog after I finish my 365 days . I might get ambitious and pretend like it 's leap year and do an extra day ! Just kidding . I want to keep blogging , I 'm not sure how to keep my self motivated . I thought I 'll blog unless it 's one of those days when I can 't think of anything to say . But , if it turns out to be like this month I 'll be taking about 28 days off , and that would effectively be the end of my blog , because I would never get back to it . I 've learned something about myself . I 'm an all or nothing kind of person . Matt tried to get me to blog years ago . I think I made 2 entries . It just didn 't make it to the top of my priority list . Now , he makes a challenge , and if I do it every day , I can somehow get it done . But if I say I 'll blog when something big happens or when I have time or feel like it or whatever , it will never get done . It 's the same way with treats for me . I can 't moderate myself . I say I will , but I can 't . But if I say I 'm not eating any treats at all ( and Matt always laughs at me ) I can do it . All or nothing . Of course having a challenge motivates me a little . When I started this blog , I was thinking along the lines of a personal history . I thought I could get some memories down and stories that Logan might like to have record of . I didn 't get as much of that done as I thought I would . But , I think it will be fun to look back and see what our everyday life was like . Because I don 't usually keep track of the normal stuff . So , If I keep blogging , I think I will try to get more of those things down . I just can 't decide how to regulate myself so I don 't start skipping and get to the point where I never blog again . So there you have it . I have one day left , and I don 't know what I 'm going to do . Maybe put more pictures up because I realize I 've gotten kind of slacky at posting pictures . I found a picture ! I figured , why wait to fix that picture problem . I knew I had to have one of Logan I could use . Posted by So , I 've turned my son onto a new habit . I love drinking hot chocolate in the winter . I especially love flavored hot chocolate . But every once in a while I throw in something from my childhood . I still call it Postum . I know the container says Pero , and that they don 't make the Postum brand anymore . But , I always thought they were the same thing , so , I still call it postum . Well , every now and then I have some postum . It 's only good with sugar and cream . But , since I really like the flavored hot chocolate , I figured I would like the flavored coffeemate creamer in my postum . Well , I do . And now so does Logan . He never wanted to try postum before , but the other day he decided for some reason to try it . Oh , wait , I think it 's because he saw the creamer . That must have looked good to him . I guess it was . He has wanted postum over hot chocolate ever since . So , first thing this morning , he asked for some postum . He eats breakfast at school every morning . And Logan has been recruiting . He turned his dad . After they shoveled on Sunday , Logan offered to make Matt a cup of postum . It 's now officially a family habit . Yeah , we went to the store last night buy more postum and pick a new coffeemate . And that was our dessert last night . Mmmmmm . . . . How the Grinch stole Christmas ( the Dr . Seuss version ) is my favorite Christmas movie . I was going to list some of my favorite quotes form it , then I realized that I have too many . I will just refer you to the book . OK , I 'll pick one . " The Grinches small heart grew three sizes that day . " And I 'm holding myself back from adding more . We just finished watching this show on TV . I love that my son can quote it and has just as many favorite parts as I do . The whole show is someones favorite part . And Logan can point out the differences between the movie and the book . Like , in the movie the Grinch uses black thread to tie a big horn on the top of Max 's head . In the book , he uses red . Classic show , and it has a great meaning . We read the book yesterday , the movie today , and I 'm sure it 's not the last time we 'll read or see it this holiday season . Sometimes it 's nice to feel loved . I work at my sister Lynn 's house . She has this adorable little girl that I 've seen just about every day of her life . ( Now if seeing your aunt every day of your life isn 't just the coolest thing ever , I don 't know what is . . . . j / k . ) Jessica is , well , Jessica , and I love the girl , but sometimes I 'm glad I don 't have to take her home with me . She 's 3 , what more do I have to say . But , somedays , I would do anything for her . I mean she loves her aunt ( me ) ! When I left today she gave me a hug , kiss and the electric " I love you " sign . Then she told me to come back again . I told her I 'd come back tomorrow . And she got excited ! Like I don 't come back every day . One day not too long ago , one of the kids left while Jessica was in the bathroom . She heard me tell them goodbye when they went out the door . She started crying and throwing a fit because she thought I left and she didn 't get to hug me or tell me to come back . When I yelled to her I was still there , she calmed down . It 's really sweet to feel so loved . But this new one takes the cake .  But this has to start with . . . Backstory ! When I was three I nearly choked to death . Here is my version of the story . Put together from what I remember in my unconscious state and what I have heard over and over through the years . We 'd been grocery shopping . We got home and Renae , who was a baby , was hungry . So was I , but being the middle child , no one cared about that . ( Just kidding , that 's for you mom ! ) Anyway , mom , was feeding the baby . ( I don 't hold anything against Renae . ) I just got too hungry , so I decided to do something about it . We had bought this loaf of bread at the store . I took a big bite out of it . Then , I choked on it . My mom was still feeding the baby . Sherry , bless her , noticed something was wrong , and went to tell mom that I was turning blue . Mom came and got me . She tried to get the bread out , but couldn 't . She started to call 911 , then I passed out and she had to stop dialing the number to catch me . This was old rotary phone timesThis weekend , Jessica and some of my other nieces and nephews were eating at my mom and dad 's . Jessica has this new bad habit of stuffing tons of food in her mouth . And she doesn 't like to sit still and eat . ( Ask Lynn , I 'm very sensitive to the threat of choking . I am always telling the kids to be careful so they don 't choke . ) Anyway , Jessica was running around with food in her mouth , so my mom told the kids the story of when I almost choked to death . ( Logan loves to hear that story too . It 's one of his most requested . Maybe he likes to see me cry . ) Well , that night when Jessica said her prayers , she stopped to ask Lynn if it was her mom that saved me , Lynn told her yes , so Jessica continued , " Thanks for moms mom for saving Aunt Kirsty so she can be with us today . " Isn 't that just sweetest thing you ever heard ! Yeah , sometimes it 's just nice to know that you are so loved . Electric " I love you " ! Looking around at toys and gifts for Christmas I notice that a lot of the toys we had as kids are back again for our children to enjoy . Seeing them brings back some childhood memories and remind me of the things I loved as a kid . Well , here 's a weird , random memory that came up after seeing these toys . I was talking to my sister , Sherry , the other and she mentioned that there was a sale on Strawberry shortcake dolls and she was planning on getting some for her daughter . It instantly reminded me of the Strawberry shortcake doll that Sherry had when we were kids . It actually smelled like strawberries . We were playing with it one day ( and by playing with it , I mean smelling it . That 's all I ever remember doing with it . ) and one of my little brothers ( I don 't remember which one ) wanted to smell it . So Sherry it up by his nose and when she pulled it away , there was a big booger on Strawberries hat . It wasn 't intentional , but funny . I wonder if that 's when Sherry became a germaphobe ? Posted by We went to Salt Lake yesterday for Thanksgiving dinner with my family . Now it 's been a couple of days since this " blizzard " . I figured they had plenty of time to clear the roads for holiday travelers and we would be fine driving down . The roads were ice packed ! We were skidding and moving maybe 20 mph . By the time we got to Wellsville , Matt was talking about turning around because he didn 't want to drive all the way in those conditions , besides we wouldn 't be there in time for dinner . But , we went on and found Sardine Canyon in perfect condition . Wha ? I guess they concentrated all their efforts on the canyon and didn 't worry about city streets . Oh , well , at least we made it the rest of the way at a decent speed . And , we were on time for dinner . Dinner was great and then we got to enjoy some basketball and football . Good times . Then it was time for what Matt has termed " Pie Fest " . OK , so maybe we get a little carried away with our pies sometimes . You have to have the traditional , but then this is the oly time of year the I make / eat pie , so we have to try some new stuff . Like eggnog pie , pumpkin spice cake , orange cream , cookies and cream , cherry chocolate , pumpkin cheesecake , peanut butter pie , and so on and so forth . So , you kind of end up with a lot of pie . I think it 's OK when we eat " dinner " around lunch time and then have pie for dinner .  Today we got to go Matt 's dads and enjoy another delicious meal . And some fun games . Me and Matt rocked at pictionary ! Cornstartch ! Unfortunately , Matt is the only that can decipher my drawing , and because of a late night last night , my brain shut down half way through the girls vs . boys game , and I wasn 't much help . Sorry ladies . I still had fun laughing at myself . I love this time of year . We get to spend time with family , play games and eat food . Bring on Christmas ! Well , we got notice last night that the schools would let out early today because of the blizzard warning . I 've lived in Utah my whole life and I only remember ever having one snow day in all my years of school . It snowed a few feet overnight , and they cancelled school . So , we stayed home and played in the snow all day . I was in middle or high school . Me and Renae wanted to make use of our day off , but we didn 't have good boots or gloves . We knew that if we could keep dry , we would be able to play outside longer . So , we used bread bags to keep us warm . We put on socks , then a bread bag , then more socks and then our shoes . We did the same for our hands . When we were little , and didn 't have gloves , my mom used to put socks on our hands to keep them warm . So , we put socks on out hands , then a bag , then more socks , and went out to play . It worked ! We played outside forever , and we didn 't get wet , so we stayed warm . One time when I was in college , they cancelled church because it was so cold . Today I lived through my first blizzard . It wasn 't as bad as I expected a blizzard to be . Of course , I planned to be home , and stay home . It did get very windy for a while . And there was snow that made it very hard to see . At some points , we could barely see the neighbors house . And , I think the school district feels justified for the early release . The storm blew in , right at time that we would have been going to pick Logan up from school . I think the storm has mostly passed now . We have a bout 8 - 10 inches of snow , and it is cold . But , we survived . And we didn 't even loose power . So , while we were waiting out the storm , we introduced Logan to another classic . We watched the " Princess Bride " while drinking hot chocolate . He liked it , laughed in the right places and went to bed quoting , " mawrage , mawrage , is what brings us togever today . " Now , I hope it 's about done , because I have to go shopping tomorrow for my Thanksgiving food . When I married Matt , I was blessed with some wonderful in laws . His dad has always been very supportive and willing to help . He is such a loving man . And a good cook ! Hope your birthday was wonderful ! Posted by Yesterday we got parsnips in our Bountiful Basket . Today we ate them for dinner . Everyone liked them ! That 's what 's been fun about getting baskets . We get to try things I probably wouldn 't buy , and find out that we like them . And we get more variety in what we eat . Plus , it 's like Christmas every time , because you never know what you 're going to get . * went for a run in the rain . ( I didn 't know that it was raining until I walked out the door . I just thought it was really windy . But , I went anyway because I really felt like running . It was a good run . ) * helped with the Bountiful Baskets . It 's kind of amazing how fast and efficient they can be . And we got good fruits and vegetables . * played volleyball . Our women 's team took first place in region ! It 's been fun to play with them . It 's nice that they let me play . They are all so much better than me . Just every now and then I get a really lucky hit and they think I can play a little . Now I 'm just going to have to do something about the soreness that 's setting in . Posted by Line a 13 x 9 in . pan with foil and grease with 1 T . butter , set aside . In a large saucepan , combine sugar , eggnog , cream and remaining butter . Bring to a boil over medium heat , stirring constantly . Reduce heat , cook until it reaches 238 ( soft ball stage ) , stirring occasionally . Remove from heat . Stir in chips until melted . Stir in the marshmallow cream , walnuts and vanilla . Spread into prepared pan . Cool to room temperature . Using foil , lift out of pan . Discard foil , cut fudge into 1 in . squares . Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator . So , I was just about to walk out the door this morning when the phone rang . I checked the caller ID and it said Logan City Schools . As I picked up the phone , I was really hoping that it was Jennifer . But it wasn 't . I dropped Logan off at school for breakfast , after he eats he always goes back outside to play before school starts . Turns out he got in a fight and I had to go pick him up from school . She said they had put some ice on his eye and they didn 't think he would need stitches . Awesome . OK , so that 's not really what happened . We just wanted to see if people would believe it . The school called and Miss Shauna ( the secretary ) told me that Logan was hit by a swing while he was playing before school . She told me he had a small cut on his eyelid . She didn 't think he would need stitches , but they needed a parent to make that call . I said I would be right over . He was sitting in the office with ice on his eye . He looked pretty banged up . I realized later that it wasn 't as bad as it looked . He wasn 't all scraped up , it was just blood on his face . He looked better after we cleaned him . He looked so sad though . ( Probably because his eye was swollen . ) He wanted to come home , and I wanted a second opinion about the whole stitches thing , so I brought him home . We finally decided that we didn 't think he needed stitches . He was glad . His eye is still puffy and is turning colors , it hurts a little , but he 's OK . It turns out that they were playing a game running behind the kids on the swings . He got kicked in the face . He tells me it doesn 't sound like such a fun game anymore . I told him he better not , because next time I 'll take him get stitches . In a large bowl , combine the flour , baking powder , salt , cinnamon and nutmeg . In another bowl , beat the eggs , sugar , eggnog , butter and extracts ; stir into dry ingredients just until moistened . Pour into three greased 5 3 / 4 in . x 3 in . x 2 in . loaf pans . Bake at 350 for 30 - 35 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near center comes out clean . Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pans to wire racks . Posted by I hate blogging on Sundays . I would prefer to just take it easy and not have to do anything on the computer on a Sunday . So , when I finish this challenge that will be my first day to go . Also , this last month of blogging is dragging on forever . I don 't know if it 's because I 'm so close to the finish and I think it should be flying past faster , or if it 's because other people have already finished their year of blogging so I feel like I should be done too . . . . . Anyway , it 's getting frustrating typing those numbers everyday when they don 't seem to get any higher . ( Andrea , have you checked to make sure I 've counted right ? ) I 'm pretty sure I 've said this before , but being an aunt is the best . I 'm grateful for all my nieces and nephews , especially the ones that try to keep me in touch with what 's cool out there . Thanks Breanna ! You 're a beautiful young woman . Happy birthday to a cute , funny , spunky , tell it how it is , active , creative , sometimes rambunctious , smart little boy . I miss seeing you everyday . Happy Birthday Dax ! Posted by Hmmmmmm . . . . How to describe Aaron ? I always describe him as a big teddy bear . He 's always been very sweet and willing to include people and help them out . Heather got lucky with him because he knows how to be gentleman and take care of a lady . He is also a hard worker and willing to lend a hand when it 's needed . He 's just a good guy ! Happy Birthday Aaron ! We don 't see movies very often , so we 're always behind on what 's out . And , it only took us three days , but we finally finished " How To Train Your Dragon " . ( Or as the preschoolers call it , " Dragon Train " ) I liked it . I thought it was a really cute movie . I couldn 't wait to see how it ended . I almost stayed up both nights and watched the end by myself because I wanted to see what happened . I would recommend it . Posted by This is a fuyu persimmon . We got them in our bountiful basket this weekend . We are neutral on them . It wasn 't bad , but it wasn 't super great either . Of course , I don 't even know if they are ripe yet . So , maybe they could be better . Posted by Logan said we have can 't decorate for Christmas yet . We need to decorate for Thanksgiving . I bet he 'll like it when our Thanksgiving decoration is a tree and everyday he has to write something on a leaf that he is thankful for . Today I got to go shopping with my mom in law and sister in law . Every year before Christmas , we head down to Layton to hit some of the stores we don 't have in Logan , like Toys R Us and Target , and try to get some of our Christmas shopping done . I 'm not usually a big shopper , but I look forward to this trip . Maybe we just don 't have the right stores in Logan to get me excited about shopping . But , I think it 's the company . We always have a good time , and see some fun stuff . This year I didn 't get much shopping done . Maybe it 's a little too early in the season ? But , I did get a lot of good ideas and some prices to compare . I love Thanksgiving and I think it 's a great holiday . It 's good to spend time counting our blessings and having an attitude of gratitude . And sometimes I think that Thanksgiving gets skipped over ( especially in the retail world ) . But , after doing nothing fun to celebrate Halloween or get in the spirit , I 'm almost ready to start decorating for Christmas . Even though it 's warm outside . At least I know it would get done and we 'd be able to enjoy it for a while . Then I 'd feel like we get to have at least one really fun holiday this year . And shopping puts me in even more of a Christmas mood . Good Day ! I was waking Logan up . I really like to wake him up because he doesn 't want to get out of bed so he gets all cuddly and gives me these sleepy smiles , which are adorable . Then he offers to read to me . It would be wonderful quality time if it wasn 't making us late for work and school . So , I love it , but we don 't usually have time for it . Until I can get up earlier . And that would probably be worth getting up early for , but then I would probably fall back asleep in his bed , and we 'd be really late . OK , now I 'm going to get back to my original thought . The other day I went in to wake Logan up . As usual , he got cuddly and was hugging me . I said something to him that ended with , " My only son . " * It feels lonely without so many people blogging everyday . * I had a good idea for a blog post , but I 'm too lazy to find the pictures to go along with it . I guess it 's time for me to admit that I 'm not going to get any scrapbooking done any time soon , and find a way to organize my pictures so that we can look through them and actually enjoy them . Or find the ones we want to blog about . * Chelsea asked me about traditions at my high school . I must be getting really old , I hardly remember high school . It 's kind of sad that I can 't think of anything . I guess I 'll have to keep blogging and get down some of those memories before I forget them completely . * I 'm tired of being sick . In the last couple of months , I 've had two colds , the flu , and now it feels like a sinus infection . I 'd just like to feel all the way good sometime . * Did you know that you can 't buy egg nog during the summer ? I found this recipe for egg nog bread that I wanted to try , but until a couple of weeks ago , I couldn 't find egg nog in the stores . Tonight I made egg nog bread . I have two different recipes . After we try them both , I 'll let you know which one is better . * What are the chances that I will get to bed early tonight ? Posted by Is it just me , or does he look really old ! And finally . . . a picture where they didn 't make him show his teeth . He looks much more natural this way . Have you ever laughed so hard that sound stops coming out and you just shake ? That happens to me sometimes . More often when I 'm tired . And usually caused by Matt . We 're almost a 2 car family again . My dad and Darrell came over today to help Matt put a new starter in the car . It works now ! But it sounded kind of horrible , so I don 't know if we 're going to have to do something else big . It took them all afternoon to put in the starter . They have to take half the car part to get to it . When they were finishing , I laughed because this is the shirt my dad was wearing . I hope it didn 't really ruin his whole day . I really appreciate my dad for be willing to help us . And Matt for working on figuring it out , and crawling under car even though he got grease all over his Jets shirt . It 's a huge relief to be able to take care of these things without having to pay someone a ton of money I don 't have . I would just like to say Congratulations to all of you bloggers who took this challenge when it was first given and have blogged everyday for a whole year now . It 's been fun to read your blogs . I 'm looking forward to getting together with you . ( Matt has approved me to come even though I have not blogged an entire year . ) And , I 'm a little jealous because I have had a really rough time with blogging lately ( I don 't know if you could tell from some of my lame - o blogs . . . ) . I almost quit , but I 'm so close to the end now . I 'm excited to see what everyone will do now with blogging . CONGRATULATIONS ! Today we took Logan trick or treating at Macey 's grocery store and Papa Murphy 's . Then we went around Grandpa and Grandma Pauline 's neighborhood in the rain . I think I 'm glad that my son doesn 't feel the need to get as much candy as possible . He 's just good with something . It 's nice because then I don 't have to stay out for hours . And it was cold tonight . And rainy . But , Logan didn 't make me stay out in it for long . Then we visited Dax , Jace and Aunt Jennifer . Then we came home and he went straight to bed . I 'm ready for it too . I 'm not looking forward to church tomorrow . I have never seen this boy on such a bad sugar high . He was pretty much a jerk . I hope he sleeps it off , so I don 't have to deal with it during church . Posted by Tonight we went to the Fall Festival at Logan 's school . I don 't know if it 's this way everywhere , but a lot of the schools around here try to avoid the dressing up thing and celebrating Halloween at school . One of the schools I worked at , scheduled parent - teacher conferences around Halloween so they had school off on Halloween and didn 't have to do anything for it . This week was Red Ribbon Week at Logan 's school . Today was wear red day ( not wear a costume ) . So , the fall festival is their way to celebrate Halloween without doing it during school hours . They did a costume parade around the block . Then we had a trunk or treat . Each class was in charge of having a trunk and passing out candy . They had a pumpkin decorating contest and donuts and cider . It was pretty fun . Good , Halloween fun , in a safe environment , with friends ! I like to look at pictures of beautiful places . OK , maybe sometimes I don 't , because then I just feeling like I wish I could go these places when I know I can 't , but . . . . . . We live in a beautiful world . At least when I 'm looking at the pictures I can still get the peaceful feeling of the place , even if I 'm not there . And I see how amazing and beautiful the rest of the world is . The other day I was looking at this picture I have had for a long time . I love the trees lining the road in this picture . After I looked at this picture , I was thinking how I would love to be on a street like this . Where there are trees on both sides and the leaves hang over and touch in the middle . And if you walk down it , it 's like being under a bridge of trees . Yeah , I thought that would be cool . And then , one day we were walking to school and I realized I live on a street like that ! Maybe it looses a little something with the paved road and power lines ( and I 'll admit the photographer isn 't the best ) , but the trees still line the road and cover over it . And it is beautiful , especially when the leave change colors and when the snow sticks to them in the morning . And it 's only a block away from our house . On a clear day , the mountains stand higher behind it . Throw in a deer or two and some squirrels and you 'd think your in the mountains . And , if you look close you can see Logan walking to school ! I love where I live . I am such a lame mom . Halloween is this week , and we have done nothing Halloweenish . We don 't have any decorations up . We haven 't carved pumpkins . And , it doesn 't look like any of that is going to happen before Saturday . At this point , I just look it and think , it 's not worth it to do all that work for 5 days and then have to clean it up again . I did get the Halloween decoration box out a couple of weeks ago . We were looking for costume stuff for our family party . Then Logan found it , moved it into his room and started playing with the contents . I asked him if he wanted to help me decorate . He said no . If he wasn 't worried about it , I wasn 't going to . But , he did find some things to play with . And really , we have one Halloween decoration . Logan found the light up pumpkin and has been using it as his night light for the past couple weeks . Of , course , we have to turn the face away from him so he doesn 't get scared . ( His words . ) Oh , I 'm so happy . Eating dinner today actually sounded good . I was starving . I ate dinner , and I still feel good . This is a good sign . When ever I watch the Broncos play at home it reminds of when we went to Colorado to visit Matt 's Aunt Julie and Uncle Jerry . We were there just after the new stadium opened . Julie had us a read an article about it . They had a concert or something at the stadium to celebrate its ' opening . The guy writing the article was saying that they should have tested the sound system and worked out the bugs before they started because from where he was sitting it sounded like they said , " Welcome to Nabisco field at bile pie . " I don 't know why I still remember that but during the game today when they said " Invesco Field at Mile High " , me and Matt both said , " Nabisco field at bile pie . " Posted by Today I got to go to a science class . They gave us a lot of cool ideas to help teach our children science principles and encourage them to wonder . The best part was that we got to do the experiments and try everything out . I didn 't take my camera to class , so when I got home I let Logan try the stuff we did , and I took pictures of him . We learned how to hold bubbles . Here 's Logans ' . Also , I saw a square bubble . I need to get some materials , but if I get it to work , I 'll show ya . This is snow that is growing in Logan 's hands . I know it would be better as a video , but you couldn 't see it very good . You 'll have to trust me . It grew and it looks like snow . We made a solution then added the worm goo and out came worms . We also made slime and glow sticks . Logan asked me if I was taking this stuff Lynn 's . I told him I didn 't know . He said I should leave it here so he can play with it . He said it was fun . Then he told me , " Usually I just play video games , but this is funner than playing video games . " Posted by All week I 've felt like I 've got a million things to do and I haven 't had time to get any of them done . Somethings gotta give . So , I 'm choosing to do something else tonight instead of blog . Maybe tomorrow I 'll tell you all about the class I get to go to . It was Logan 's turn to make dinner tonight . Well , we got celery in our bountiful basket last time . Logan was excited to see it . He immediately talked about making soup . In the past we 've used our celery to make homemade chicken noodle soup or Greek lemon soup . I told him we could make soup . He wanted me to make Greek lemon soup , but he talked about making chicken noodle soup on his night . So , tonight I asked him if he wanted to make chicken noodle soup for dinner . He said he did . So , I got chicken cooking and had him start making homemade noodles . Then we were getting the veggies out and chopping them up . Then Logan says , " I just wanted the kind from the can . " Well , that would have given me the whole night off . He could have handled that by himself . Sometimes it good to find out exactly what your kids mean when they say something or ask a question . It was just a couple of weeks ago that I gave him chicken noodle soup from a can for lunch . He thought it was awesome . I made his day by buying some at Macey 's when it was on sale . I got a big hug from him when I got home and showed him what I bought . I thought it was funny that he liked it so much . But , he admitted that the soup we made tonight was better than the canned kind . He still wants to eat that canned soup though . I 'll probably save it one of my dinner nights when I really don 't feel like cooking . Right now I have four pony tails in my hair . I am wearing purple plaid pajamas with a pocket which were a present , a pearl bracelet , my personal progress necklace with a pendant , pumpkin earrings , a flag pin , perfume , and pink and purple striped socks . My last name is Platis , and I ate pink popcorn . Tonight at young womens we had a personal progress party . We had a contest to see who could come with the most things that start with " P " . I didn 't win . But I had fun . Posted by Logan was out of school last week , so he came to work at Lynn 's with me . Later he informed me that he wasn 't going to go to college . When he finished school , he was going to work at Lynn 's house . Lynn 's right , he is very businesslike . ( When he wants something . ) He proceeded to tell me that he already knew all of the activities , because he 's done them , so he would be able to teach and help the kids . ( All ready for his interview . ) I informed him that he would go to college and he would have to work hard in school to earn a scholarship . He told me he would go to Utah State . But , I 'm getting a little off . That 's not really what I was going to blog about today . Logan was playing at Lynn 's house . The kids were playing cats . Logan was a pet cat and Kya was his owner . Kya was talking about going to the store to buy some salmon for her cat to eat . I 'm pretty sure this idea came from Logan . He loves salmon . I don 't know where he got the idea to feed it to a cat . I 'd never pay that much for cat food . Anyway , Kya was heading out to get some salmon for her cat . So she told the cat where she was going . " I 'm going to salmontonio to get some salmon . " ( San Antonio if you didn 't get it . Kya was in Texas last week for a family reunion . They went to San Antonio , or salmontonio , as the kids call it now . ) * Day 319 * These are the kind of things I get to do when I 'm with Logan . Notice where the real sidewalk is , on the left . Logan is riding on the little " bonus " sidewalk he discovered . I am instructed to " follow me " , so I get to ride on it too . I 'm really not sure if I would have noticed the mini sidewalk there if it hadn 't been for Logan . I love that when I 'm with him I get a chance to see new things and discover . ( Unless , of course , I 'm in a hurry . ) But , I do love that he takes the time to notice things around him and explore . Yesterday we went to Salt Lake for our family Halloween Party . Not everyone was able to come . We missed those that weren 't there , but we decided to have fun anyway . ( Sorry guys . Pencil it in for next year . ) We played pictionary ( go girls , for the win ! ) , the kids had a bounce house and blow up slide to play on , we had some good food and of , course , great company . I love spending time with my family ! Wa ha ha ha ha ! ! ! ( That 's Logan laughing . ) When Lynn tried to go on the slide , she collapsed it and got stuck inside . We made some peanut butter truffle pumpkins . Posted by Breanna was my first niece . It was so nice to have a sweet little girl around . It is just amazing to me how she has grown into such a beautiful young lady . She is still sweet , and I still like to be around her . Happy Birthday Breanna ! Posted by It felt like fall today . It was a nice day . We don 't have a yard of our own so , we used Lynn 's to rake leaves , clean and play . It 's really fun to watch Logan play with the little kids there . He 's so good with them . My day was easy because he came up with things for them to play all day . And they played together well ( unlike the other day ) . It reminded me of how we spent our time when we were kids . Logan making a leaf storm . Posted by Well , I think Logan has a new specialty . He perfected his eggs , now he 's become very good at cake mix cookies . While I was gone tonight , his aunt called . She wanted to talk to me , but since I wasn 't here , she talked to Logan . They told me she asked some questions about making cake mix cookies . And , Logan answered them . Then he went into the kitchen , pulled out the recipe and checked to make sure he gave the right information . He did . I think it 's so cute that he has the recipe memorized and can make them all by himself . Now , what should I teach him next ? Something that will really help me out . I just feel really bad for my daycare kids on days like this . I try really hard . It 's good they have Lynn . Hopefully tomorrow will feel better . Today we went to parent teacher conferences . The good news is that Logan 's teacher likes him . He 's doing well in reading and math . He still has a hard time keeping on task . But , he can be off task for most of the time and work the last few minutes and still manage to get his work done . I 'm not sure if that 's good or not . His teacher said that he has a hard time pairing up to work because everyone wants to work with Logan . She also said he 's very helpful . He even likes to help other students . But , sometimes he forgets to finish his work before he helps others . As long as he 's getting his work done , and his teacher can handle him , I 'm happy . Sometimes I just crave stuffed mushrooms . It 's one of those times . Here 's the recipe if any of ya 'll ever get a similar craving . Wash mushrooms and remove stems . Cook and drain sausage . Mix sausage into cream cheese . Spoon into mushrooms . Bake at 350 for 20 - 25 minutes or until they are bubbly . ( My mom always turned it to broil for a few minutes at the end to brown them on top . ) Enjoy ! Well , Lynn has been my big sister for as long as I can remember . And for about that same length of time Lynn has also been my idol . She was good at everything . She was smart . She was good at sports . She . . . . . well , that 's really all I cared about . I wanted to be like that too . So , I tried to be like Lynn . She was on the high school basketball team when I was in elementary school ( yes , she 's that old ) . She used to run around the neighborhood for conditioning for basketball . So , I started tagging along . And She was nice enough to let me . She helped learn me learn the basic skills I needed to be able to compete in sports . She still helps me . Just last year in region basketball after I missed my first shot , she told me what I needed to do to make it . I went 4 for 4 after that . ( Of course , the next day when we played her team , she didn 't give me any advice . ) We 've done a lot of stuff together through the years . We 've logged many miles together and had conversations on all sorts of things . From comparing and contrasting Charles Dickens , to the gospel , to rehashing last nights softball game . It 's always been interesting , educational , testimony building , thought provoking and uplifting . I planned to come to Utah State when I graduated high school . I had no friends coming up here . Me and Lynn planned on being roommates . I was so excited because we were going to have so much fun . Then , she got married . I had to move into a dorm with 5 people I 'd never even seen before . But having Lynn close by was still very comforting . We still did " stupid " things together and she was there when I needed her . When I wanted to visit home so badly , but didn 't have a way to get there . Me and Lynn walked to the grocery store to get ice cream , then we ordered pizza and I slept over at her house . And I felt really bad when I got a job and moved to Salt Lake right after her husband died . I wished I could have stayed for her . When we moved back to Logan Lynn started babysitting Logan . I was kind of sad that she took him to the Library for the first time or that they always went to the park . But , I was glad that Lynn was taking care of him because I know she loved him and that he was safe . Lynn is such a caring person . She doesn 't think about herself first . After she married Darrell she asked me if I wanted to come work with her . There aren 't very many people out there that would willingly cut their pay in half so that someone else could have a job where they could be with their child all day and have a schedule that works for them . But Lynn did . It amazes me because I 'm not sure I would be selfless enough to do that for someone else . I have been blessed to have Lynn for a sister and friend . She is such a good example to me . She still offers me excellent advice and is a source of strength to me . I love Lynn for everything she is and stands for . And I 'm glad she takes my teasing too . YOU ARE SO OLD ! ! ! I CAN ' T BELIEVE YOU ' RE 40 ! Happy Birthday ! When you are meeting your boyfriends family it can be worrisome . You worry whether or not they will like you , but you also worry about whether or not you are getting involved with a crazy family . Especially if you 're thinking about getting married . Because then those people will become your in - laws . I was scared to meet Matt 's family . But it turned out just great . I couldn 't ask for better in - laws . I remember the first time I met Jennifer . Matt was performing in the play " Chess " out in Smithfield . I wanted to go see him , but I didn 't have a car . Matt arranged with Jennifer to give me a ride .  I was totally scared . Not really of Jennifer ( I mean , I didn 't know her ) , just the situation . I was ( OK , still am ) shy , so I was way out of my comfort zone . But Jennifer was really nice . I 'm sure she had to work really hard to keep a conversation going . We got to the play early and were waiting in the car for a while . So , she gave me the dirt on her brother . ( Well , she tired , then she told me that she didn 't have much because he was really a good brother . ) I 'm not so scared of Jennifer anymore . I love her and the example she is to me . I love that she is so strong . She can ( and will ) do what ever she wants too . She 's her own person and doesn 't worry about what other people think . She is good at her job . She was good at all the jobs she 's had . She works hard and gives her best . She is very loving . She is concerned about other people . I admire that she is a social person . It 's something I 'm not . But watching her makes me wish I was little more . And she is funny . I wish I could do some of things Jennifer does , and envy her talents . She is just great , and I 'm glad that she was willing to accept me into her family and welcome me as a sister . And , I 'm sorry that I don 't have a super cool rap , or even a poem . But Matt wants me to exercise my abilities in the kitchen so you have something to enjoy for your birthday . Or slightly after . ( Even though it won 't be as impressive now that you can do it yourself . :) ) Today on the way to school , Logan saw the biggest slug I have ever seen in my whole life . It was amazing . So , of course , I had to catch it and take it to preschool to show my kids . They were pretty amazed ( until Mikell and Ashlynn brought their new puppies for show and tell ) . There was talk of seeing what would happen to this Goliath if we sprinkled salt on it , but in the end , Logan had pity on it and released it into the backyard . After he helped ( pushed ) it off the porch because it was taking too long for it to get there itself . Enjoy some picture we took while it was in our care . There was this hole in him . I think he breaths through it . It would get bigger and smaller . There was only a hole on one side . I thought that was kind of weird . And Jessica is pretty sure that it has eyes on its antennae . ( Yeah , we might have spent a little too much time looking at the thing , but I was just amazed . ) Joey has been patient and easy going ever since we started pushing his forehead to make him angry baby , or his eyebrows to make him sad baby . ( I really thought I had pictures , but I can 't find them anywhere . ) I love Joey . He is kind and gentle . Even though he is older than Logan , he always takes time to play with him . I love that in his cousins . They are such good examples to Logan . I love having Joey as a nephew . Posted by Matt left this afternoon to go to the Alice Cooper / Rob Zombie concert in Salt Lake . So , me and Logan got to spend the evening together . We . . . - Rode our bikes to the new Carl 's Jr . for dinner . ( Matt has the car . I asked Logan if he wanted to order pizza or something , but he wanted a burger so he didn 't mind the bike ride . ) We only got rained on a little . I knew teaching my child to cook would have it 's benefits . I ( usually ) love it when Logan comes in the kitchen and helps me cook . I can 't wait for the day when he isn 't afraid of the stove and oven and can finish something all by himself . For now , I 'll take all the help I can get . Like today . Matt wanted some cookies , and I was busy . So , Logan made cookies . He can do all of it but put them in the oven and take them out . He uses a simple recipe , but he can do it all himself . He knows where the recipe is , and can measure everything himself . Really , I was so happy today . I only had to put them in the oven and take them out . That 's it ! So , here 's his recipe . Mix all ingredients together . Drop by spoonfuls onto cookie sheet . Bake at 350 for 8 - 10 minutes . We usually add frosting and turn them into " oreos " . Today Logan used spice cake mix for his dad . They were good . Matt was gone at the Priesthood session of conference tonight so me and Logan got to spend some time together . We went on a bike ride . ( After we fixed his flat tire this afternoon . And , why can 't we get a stupid thorn in a front tire every now and then ? It would be easy to fix the front tire . No brakes , or chains or gears or any of that crap to worry about . But , no , it 's always the back tire . And we have had so many flats this year . All form stupid little thorns . OK , now I can move on . ) Then we walked over to the Island Market and got a Frazil . Came home and drank them while we watched TV . This is my Logan moment of the day . We walked out of the Island Market and he wanted to cross the street to watch the water in the canal . We started across the street , and some dogs that were out next door started running over barking . Logan panicked right away . I tried to get him to keep walking , but he just froze . Soon , he jumping up on me with his drink in hand , and I was trying to get to the other side of the street . The kid was crying and nearly hysterical . The girl finally got the dogs back in the house , but it took a while before Logan would let me put him down . They had to be in the house , not just on the other side of the street . Then , we were a block from home and there was another dog out on the corner . This dog is out all the time , so I was able to coax him past it on his own two feet . Poor kid . Logan quote of the day . " Dad , I T - I - M - E you . " ( After listening to President Uchtdorf , who said , " Love is more often spelled T - I - M - E . " I was impressed that he heard something from conference . And that it was funny . Good kid . ) It 's the little details I wouldn 't have done well with . Like having little envelopes made and ready so that a student has a safe place to keep their tooth if they loose it at school . Logan 's friend was pointing at something and poked Logan in the mouth . His tooth fell out . It 's the first one he 's lost at school . And , I was glad his teacher had something for him to put it in . Logan is planning on keeping the envelope . He thought it was perfect that the tooth fairy took his tooth out of it , and put his money in it . I 'm glad the weekend 's almost here . I just wish I had less on my weekend to do list . Oh , well . I am also really glad for Logan 's inspired words tonight , " Wear good clothes . " Thanks bud ! Wow ! 300 days . That seems like a lot . And I remember when I told Matt I couldn 't this . I thought about doing something really special for a day like this . But , today I am feeling very overwhelmed with all that I need to get done . I was going to post a picture of my kitchen so you understood how behind I am . But , I would be way to embarrassed to let you see it . So , you 'll have to take my word for it . It 's bad . And it 's not the only thing that 's been neglected . So , for my 300th day , I 'm going to try to get some other stuff done that I need to do . Thanks for understanding . The other day , one of my fellow bloggers wrote about her love for peanut butter . I also love peanut butter . So , Logan was rummaging through recipes looking for a treat to make and came across this . We had to try it . Peanut Butter Rolls 1 loaf ( 16 ounces ) refrigerated or thawed frozen sweet roll dough ( We made our own . OK I 'll be honest , Lynn made our dough . In exchange for the recipe . It was a great deal for me . And it turned out delicious . ) Coat a 13x9 baking dish with cooking spray . Stir together peanut butter , brown sugar and butter . Roll dough out on a lighty floured surface into a 12x6 inch oval . Spread peanut butter mixture over dough . Roll up dough jelly - roll style , starting with 1 long edge . Cut dough into 12 slices . Place slices in prepared dish . Cover and let rise until almost double in size , about 45 minutes . Bake at 350 for 20 - 25 minutes or until golden . Posted by

John Reginald Halliday Christie Serial Killer Reg Christie pinned one of his eight murders on the witless Timothy Evans before he was discovered to be the " Monster of 10 Rillington Place . " Evans 's execution by hanging - and his posthumous pardon - helped lead to the abolishment of the death penalty in Great Britain . by Mark Pulham When most people think of Notting Hill , there are a few things that first come to mind . One could be the Notting Hill carnival , a colorful event held every year by the West Indian community and , after Rio , the second largest street carnival in the world . Or it may be Portobello Road , home to the worlds largest Antiques Market , held every Saturday , and also the home to the Portobello Film Festival , where over 700 films have had their premiers . Rillington Place was a typical street in the area . Number 10 was a narrow , dreary , and depressing house at the end of a narrow , dreary , and depressing cul - de - sac . Built probably around 1869 , it was a grimy and cramped house that had been , like many others , split into three flats , one on each floor . At the beginning of 1948 , only two of the flats were occupied . In the ground floor flat lived the Christies , Reg and Ethel . Their flat consisted of a front living room , a back bedroom , and a kitchen , which included a pantry or cupboard . A passageway led from the front door of the house through to the back door , splitting the Christie 's kitchen from their other rooms . Outside , there was a small wash - house with a sink and a boiler , where the occupants could do small amounts of laundry . Also outside was the only lavatory , which everyone had to use . Access to both of these was through the passageway that separated the Christie 's kitchen from the rest of their flat . Even before he was born , he had lost someone . His father , Daniel , had walked out on his pregnant wife Thomasina and their daughter , 3 - year - old Eileen . Nothing was heard from Daniel again . Young Timothy had problems as a child . He would have unmanageable tantrums and had trouble learning to speak . He also had a low IQ and had great difficulty learning anything at school . To make matters worse , at the age of 8 , he suffered an injury to his right foot and he developed a tubular plantar wart . It never healed completely , and much of his time was spent at the hospital , which only added to his lack of education . Timothy 's older sister , Eileen , had found a place for them . It wasn 't too far away , just around the corner in Rillington Place . The young couple moved into number 10 . On October 10 , 1948 , at Queen Charlotte 's Maternity Hospital , Beryl gave birth to a baby daughter who they named Geraldine . Her arrival could not have helped . There was now less space in the small two roomed flat , and Timothy 's wages were barely enough to cover the two of them , let alone a baby as well . He told them that he had disposed of his wife . Her body had been put down a drain outside his home in London . The police took him to Merthyr Tydfil police station where Detective Sergeant Gough and Detective Constable Evans took a statement . According to Timothy , it had all been an accident . Beryl was anxious to have the second pregnancy terminated , but abortion was illegal in Britain at that time . Timothy told the police that he met a man in the pub who told him he had something that would do the trick . If Beryl took it , it would cause an abortion . The man gave him a bottle which contained some mixture for Beryl to drink . It took three of them to lift the manhole cover , a sign in itself that Evans was lying , there was no way a man of his short stature could have lifted the cover alone . They looked down the drain and could see that there was no body down there . In any case , the drain was too narrow for a body to fit . Evans had to be lying . The police at Merthyr Tydfil were informed that nothing was found , and they told Timothy . He was then questioned again . Timothy changed his story , saying he may as well tell them the truth . He now told them that Beryl had died when their ground floor neighbor , Reg Christie , had tried to give her an abortion . Reg said that the last time he saw Beryl Evans was on Tuesday , November 8 . It was around midday and he saw her go out with Geraldine . He said that she looked scared about something . That same night , around midnight , he and Ethel were woken up by noises coming from upstairs , thumping sounds , as if someone was moving stuff around . It couldn 't have been Mr . Kitchener , Reg explained , as he was in the hospital . It had to have come from Evans 's flat . As the noise didn 't last for very long , they thought no more about it , and both went back to sleep . The following day , Evans came down to see the Christies . He explained to them that he was upset with his boss at work and had quit his van driver job . According to Christie , he was going to move to Bristol to be with Beryl , and so he had decided to sell all of his furniture . Evans had also been around to see his mother , and to her , he told a different story . He told her that Beryl had gone , not to Bristol , but to Brighton , to see her father . This seemed odd to Timothy 's mother . She knew that Beryl and her father did not get along . Why would she go there ? The Notting Hill Police , their suspicions aroused , did a quick search of the house and the garden , but nothing much was found . The only thing of significance was a newspaper clipping found in the Evans 's flat . The clipping was about the recent Stanley Setty murder case . The month before , Setty 's neatly wrapped torso had been discovered in some marshes in Essex . Had Timothy Evans done the same with his wife ? A briefcase was also found in the Evans flat , and it turned out to be stolen . Informed of the briefcase , the Merthyr Tydfil police charged Evans with theft and he was to be returned to London . The theft charge allowed the police to hold him while the search for Beryl continued . On December 2 , the police returned to number 10 , and the search this time produced grisly results . They tried to get into the tiny wash - house at the back of the building , but the door had become stuck . Ethel found a piece of metal that could be used to pry the door open and gave it to the police . They forced the door open and looked inside . It was dark in the wash - house , but they could see that there was some wood stacked up against the sink . One of the officers felt behind the wood and could feel some sort of package . The wood was removed and they found what appeared to be a large parcel wrapped up in a green tablecloth . They turned to Ethel and asked her what it may be , and she told them she had never seen it before . The police pulled the package out and untied the cord that was holding the package together . No sooner was the package loosened when out slipped a pair of feet . Unwrapped , the package revealed the moldering corpse of Beryl Evans . She had been beaten and strangled . The bodies were taken to Kensington Mortuary where the Home Office pathologist conducted the post mortems . Bruising over the right eye and on the lip showed that Beryl had been hit , probably more than once , and then she had been strangled with cord or rope . There was no evidence that any attempt at an abortion had taken place , though there was some bruising inside the vagina , indicating there may have been an attempt at sex . Timothy Evans was returned to London . He believed he was going to be questioned about the stolen briefcase that had been found in his flat . However , when he arrived at the train station accompanied by police officers , there were photographers waiting to take pictures of him . It was clear to Evans that this was not about the briefcase . She was incurring one debt after another and I could not stand it any longer , so I strangled her with a piece of rope and took her down to the flat below the same night whilst the old man [ Mr . Kitchener ] was in hospital . I waited until the Christies downstairs had gone to bed , then I took her to the wash - house after midnight . This was on Tuesday 8 November . On Thursday evening after I came home from work I strangled my baby in our bedroom with my tie and later that night I took her down into the wash - house after the Christies had gone to bed . Later , Timothy Evans would make a longer confession that , according to the police , took 75 minutes to write and read back to him . This confession goes into greater detail about the murders . He told of how he got angry and how he hit Beryl , and then , in an uncontrollable fit of temper , he strangled her . He told of how he got her body downstairs and into the wash - house and used the wood to cover her body before locking the door . The trial of Timothy Evans began on January 11 , 1950 at the Old Bailey . Unlike the present day , in the 1950 's you could only be tried for one murder at a time . Mr . Christmas Humphries was the prosecutor , and he wanted to avoid the defense motive of provocation that the defense would surely put forth if the trial was for the murder of Beryl Evans . With Geraldine , there could be no such motive , and so , although the murder of Beryl would be included in the testimony , the trial was for the murder of his 13 - month old - daughter . The prosecution 's case was simple . Evans and Beryl were in a difficult relationship . Their marriage was under a great deal of strain , with little money coming in , a baby to feed and clothe , and now , a second baby on the way . Dr . Teare gave his evidence , and Christie was also called by the prosecution . With Christie , Morris thought he saw a way to help with the defense . He had discovered that Christie had some past criminal convictions and hoped that would at least discredit him as a witness . It didn 't work . It did the opposite . Christie , for all his past faults , had not been in any trouble for the past 17 years . The jury was impressed by this man and the fact that he had turned his life around to become a model citizen . Reg Christie was a war hero , having been gassed during the First World War , which had left him with his soft voice . He had also been a War reserve policeman during World War Two . But the evidence was all against him . Evans had described the murders in precise and accurate detail , because , the prosecution pointed out , he was the one who committed the murders . Only the killer would know the details so clearly . Morris pointed to the second confession given by Evans in which he implicated Christie . Morris hoped that it would confuse the issue and raise a reasonable doubt . But it was useless . Evans was a known liar , he was a known drunk , he was known to be violent , and he was known to have a short temper . He 'd admitted to the murders in more than one statement . The jury filed out of the courtroom for its deliberations , but was back within 40 minutes . The verdict , reached swiftly , was a foregone conclusion . Timothy John Evans was found guilty on the charge of murdering his 13 - month - old daughter . The sentence was death by hanging . Christie , still in the courtroom , burst into a flood of tears . Other news quickly replaced that rapidly dwindling interest in the killings . That same year , in July , Sainsbury 's opened the first purpose built supermarket , and in August , Princess Elizabeth gave birth to her second child , Princess Anne . In November , George Bernard Shaw died at the age of 94 . In addition to the top flat now being empty after the murders , the second floor flat was also vacant as Charles Kitchener had also moved out . Ethel Christie also wanted to move away , the new tenants scared her , and Reg had gone into a depression after the trial . Reg had also lost his job , thanks to some of the disclosures about his convictions that were revealed at the trial . By the end of 1952 , Reg was living alone . Reg had found a new job up in Sheffield , and Ethel had already left , having relatives there . Reg would join her later . Reg was desperate to move out and sold all of his furniture . He stayed in the unfurnished flat well into March 1953 , when he met a woman named Reilly . She told Christie that she was looking for a flat to rent , and Christie said that she could have his . She came round with her husband and had a look at the flat . They thought it would suit them , and Christie took three months rent in advance off them . Christie then borrowed a suitcase from them , put the last of his things in it , and left on March 20 , 1953 . The Reilly 's didn 't get much of a chance to settle in . The next day , the landlord came around and was surprised to find them there . He was angry ; Christie had no right to rent the place out as it wasn 't his . Beresford liked music while he worked , and so the first thing he wanted to do was put up a shelf so he had somewhere to put his radio . He began to tap on the walls to find a suitable spot , and one part of the wall sounded hollow . There had to be some sort of space behind the wall . At the edge , some of the wallpaper was coming away and he pulled on that . He found the door that led to the pantry or cupboard . He managed to get the door partly open , and then he grabbed his flashlight and looked through the crack in the door . What he saw made him reel back in horror . The beam from his flashlight had revealed a woman sitting there , her back toward him . She was semi - naked and obviously dead . Beresford called the police . Several officers arrived and the door to the pantry was opened . The woman sat with her back toward them , leaning forward . The police took her out and moved her to the front room for examination . She was wearing only a bra , a garter belt , and stockings . Her wrists had been bound together by a handkerchief tied in a reef knot , and some clothing had been wedged between her legs to act as a diaper to absorb seepage from her vagina and rectum . There was another object in the cupboard , wrapped in a blanket . The police removed it , and found that it was the body of a second woman . In the cupboard , she had been placed upside down on her head and leaned against the wall . The police were not finished yet . They removed a third body , like the second placed upside down in the cupboard . This victim had her ankles bound , this time with electrical cord , and once again , a reef knot was used . Also tied with a reef knot was the cloth used to cover her head . If the police felt relieved and thought that it was now over , that relief was short lived . Noticing that the floorboards in the living room were loose , the police took them up . There was some loose rubble underneath and , after a short dig , they found the remains of a fourth woman . Back at the mortuary , the post mortems began . The first body to be found was that of a brunette in her early to mid twenties . She had been dead for around four weeks , killed by a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and strangulation . It was determined that she had been suffering from the effects of the carbon monoxide gas when she was strangled with a smooth surfaced cord . There were scratch marks along her back which indicated that she had been dragged along the floor after she was dead . There were also indications that sexual intercourse had also taken place . The next body was also in her mid - twenties with light brown hair . She seemed to have been in good health when she died . She had a pinkish color to her , which indicated that she too had been poisoned with carbon monoxide gas . Like the first , she had also been strangled . She showed signs of heavy drinking on the day that she had died , and she had also had sexual intercourse , either just before or just after she had died . She was wearing a cardigan and a vest , and another vest had been placed between her legs to act as a diaper . She had been dead somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks . The third body , this time a blonde , was , like the first two , in her mid - twenties . Once more , the pinkness of the corpse indicated that she had been gassed before strangulation had taken place . This victim wore a dress , a petticoat , two vests , a bra , and a cardigan . Once more , there was a piece of cloth between the legs to act as a diaper . This victim was also six months pregnant . Once again , sexual intercourse seemed to have occurred either just before or just after death . When the fourth body arrived the next morning , it was clear that there was a significant difference between this one and the first three . First of all , she was older , somewhere in her mid fifties , a plump woman , with missing teeth . A flowered dress and a silk nightgown were wrapped around the body , and then wrapped once more in a flannel blanket . Her head had been covered by a pillowcase . It did not take long to identify the victims . The three younger victims turned out to be prostitutes that Christie had invited back to the flat . They were Rita Nelson , aged 25 , Kathleen Maloney , aged 26 , and Hectorina McLennan , also aged 26 . The older woman who was found under the floor was Ethel Christie . The search of Number 10 continued the next day . Among the things found was an old tobacco tin which , when opened , was found to contain four tufts of pubic hair . None of the pubic hair matched the victims . In the garden , more searchers discovered a human femur , in plain view , propping up the sagging back fence . More bones were discovered , along with some hair and some parts of a dress . By the time the search was completed , they had two more victims , though one of them was missing a head . Both were female . It wasn 't long before both of the victims were identified . Ruth Fuerst was 21 years old when she disappeared . A tall girl at five - foot - eight , she had left Austria in 1939 to come to London . She went missing on August 24 , 1943 . Muriel Eady worked at Ultra Radio Works in 1944 . One day , the 32 year old met a fellow worker in the canteen . His name was Reg Christie . She vanished in October of that year . She was last seen wearing a black wool dress , just like the scraps of a dress that was found in the garden . Some hair that was found also matched Muriel 's . Six bodies were found in total , and now the hunt was on for Christie . John Reginald Halliday Christie was born on April 8 , 1899 , in an isolated house known as " Black Boy " in Turner Lane , Shibden , a small village a few miles east of Halifax , Yorkshire . According to Christie himself , he had a very rosy childhood . He enjoyed school , was excellent at math , and was good at games , especially soccer . He loved animals , a love that lasted all of his life , and at one point , he was an assistant Scout master and a member of the local choir . Christie 's father , Ernest John Christie , was feared in his home . He was a severe and tyrannical man whose temper would explode on the slightest annoyance . Reg was scared of his father and his grandfather . At the age of 8 , Reg experienced death for the first time , when his hated grandfather died . The body was laid out in the house for visitors to come and pay their respects and , like the rest of the family , Reg viewed the body . It must have been a revelation to Reg , that this man , who scared him so badly while he was alive , now didn 't scare him at all in death . It is likely that this is the moment when Reg saw that the dead cannot hurt you , and this lasted into his adult life . Soon after , Reg began playing in the local cemetery where he liked to look at the graves . In June , 1918 , Christie was caught in a mustard gas attack , and spent a month in hospital . According to Christie , he was blinded by the gas for three months and unable to talk for three and a half years because of the attack . There is no evidence of his blindness , and although he may have been unable to speak for a short while , it was more likely due to a psychological reason , and not a physical one . Even so , it could not have been for the length of time that he claimed as just seven weeks later he was declared fit enough for active duty . During his time in the army , Christie became a frequent customer of prostitutes . He discovered that as he didn 't have to please them or prove his manhood , he was able to perform normally . However , they had to be compliant and unresponsive for him to achieve erection and penetration . After he left the army , he met Ethel Simpson Waddington , a very passive girl , which suited Christie . On May 10 , 1920 , they married at Halifax Registry Office . But Christie 's sexual problems remained , and during their courtship , they never had sex at all . Christie , instead , continued to use the services of prostitutes for his sexual needs . In January , 1923 , he found himself in trouble again . This time , he was convicted of obtaining money by false pretences and violent conduct . For this , he received a sentence of 12 months probation . The following year , 1924 , he got nine months hard labor for stealing goods and money . By this time , Ethel was fed up with her husbands petty stealing and inability to hold down a job . She left him and moved in with relatives . Christie moved down to London . By 1929 , Christie was living in Battersea , South London , with a prostitute , and once more , Christie found himself in trouble . In what was described by the judge as a " murderous attack , " Christie had clubbed the prostitute across the head with a cricket bat . Yet , despite the severity of the attack , Christie was only sentenced to six months hard labor . While in prison , Christie got in touch with Ethel and asked if she would visit him . Ethel was lonely , and dismissing the past , came to see him . After Christie was released from prison , Ethel and Christie decided to put the past behind them and reconcile . They moved back in together . In 1934 , Christie was hit by a car while he was out cycling . Taken to hospital , he had to have an operation on his knee . Once again , playing for sympathy , he exaggerated his injuries , stating that he was unconscious for more than an hour , a fact that is not mentioned in hospital records . Christie , for the first time in his life , was in a position of power , and he used it . His neighbors began to dislike this man who abused his position and acted like a bully . He even got himself a new nickname , " The Himmler of Rillington Place . " While he was at Harrow Road , Christie met a married woman whose husband was fighting overseas , and he began to see her in secret , although whether there was a sexual relationship is unknown . The relationship lasted until the middle of 1943 , when the husband returned home unexpectedly and caught them together . Christie took a beating from the husband , and this may have been the trigger that started the murders . In 1943 , most likely after his beating , Christie , still a War Reserve policeman , visited a snack bar in Ladbroke Grove . He was there , supposedly , on police business , though he was actually off duty at the time . While there , he caught the eye of a 21 - year - old Austrian girl named Ruth Fuerst , who worked at a munitions factory and lived not far from Rillington Place . There is some suggestion , likely correct , that Ruth supplemented her income by working as a prostitute part time . Christie struck up a conversation with her , and a relationship began . Soon , they were meeting regularly , and one day in August , Christie took Ruth back to 10 Rillington Place . Ethel was away visiting relatives in Sheffield and Christie had the flat to himself . According to Christie , he and Ruth were in the bedroom at 10 Rillington Place when suddenly , " She undressed and wanted me to have intercourse with her . I got a telegram while she was there , saying that my wife was on her way home . The girl wanted us to team up together and go right away somewhere together . I would not do that . I got on the bed and had intercourse with her . I strangled her with a piece of rope . " The next day , Ethel 's brother left , and Ethel went off to work , leaving Christie to carry on with the disposal of his first victim . After removing the floorboards , he dragged Ruth out to the wash - house in the back and hid the body there . Then he began to dig a grave for her in the garden . Before he had finished , Ethel came home , and they had a cup of tea together . That night , after Ethel had gone to bed , Christie stayed up and carried on with his grisly task . When the hole was deep enough , he went to the wash - house and dragged the body of Ruth Fuerst over to the grave and dropped her in , along with her clothes . He then filled the hole and went to bed . Christie would later admit that he felt a powerful thrill as he looked down at his first victim . The next day , Christie raked over the area where he had buried the body , and accidentally pulled up some of the clothing . This he put in an old dustbin that was used for burning rubbish . Some months later , Christie accidentally dug up Ruth 's skull . This went into the dustbin as well , where it would eventually be discovered during the police search . Muriel suffered from bronchial catarrh and had told Christie about it . Christie had always liked to give the impression he had some medical knowledge , a claim supported by the " medical " books that he owned , which were really nothing more than books he had picked up as a first aid worker . Some even believed that he was a doctor who had been struck off for some reason . Christie told Muriel that he could help with her problem , and he invited her around the Rillington Place for some treatment . It was October , 1944 , and Ethel was , once again , away visiting relatives in Sheffield , leaving Christie home alone . It was the opportunity he had been waiting for . He invited Muriel around and made her a cup of tea , and then showed her the device that he would use to cure her of her problems with catarrh . It was a fairly simple device . A square jar with a metal lid held the special inhalant that smelled of Friar 's Balsam . The lid had two holes in it , and through these holes were two tubes . One of the tubes went down into the liquid while the other end trailed off around the back of the deck chair that she was to sit in . The other tube did not go into the liquid , and the other end was attached to a home made mask that the user would breathe through . As Muriel breathed deeply , Christie reached behind the chair . The other end of the tubing that went into the liquid was attached to the coal gas pipe . Christie released the gas , and Muriel , unable to smell the poisonous carbon monoxide gas because of the Friar 's Balsam , quickly went limp as consciousness faded away . The sexually aroused Christie began to strangle Muriel as he penetrated her body . Soon he was finished , and Muriel was dead . Christie had cured her catarrh , and any other ailment she may have been suffering from . Once again , he dragged the body out to the wash - house where it remained while he dug another grave in the garden . Muriel was buried not too far from where Ruth Fuerst lay . When , some time later , Christie managed to dig up her femur by accident , he just used it to prop up the sagging fence . It is probable that Christie felt a desire for Beryl Evans right from the beginning , he just had to bide his time . Timothy Evans was impressed with his soft spoken neighbor , who was obviously educated beyond Evans 's capabilities , especially as he had medical knowledge , or so he hinted . Christie showed Timothy his " medical " books , and Evans would believe anything Christie said . Christie had to have realized that here was a man who could be manipulated and easily tricked . And when the time came , Christie struck . With a second baby on the way , Beryl wanted to have an abortion , and who better to turn to than their neighbor , a respectable former policeman with medical expertise . He would surely help . But when Timothy Evans found out about Beryl 's plan to get rid of the baby , he wanted no part of it , and he told Christie that they were not interested in getting an abortion . Christie , seeing an opportunity slip away , tried to persuade him that everything would be okay , but Timothy still refused . But Beryl was still insistent , and would go through with it . A short while later , Timothy discovered that money he had been giving to Beryl for housekeeping had been spent on other things , and a serious argument broke out . Timothy threatened to leave , and Beryl told him to go . Instead , he went to the movies . There were workmen in the house the next day . They had been coming since the end of October , working on the wash - house and the roof , and ripping out walls and floors where Christie felt there was a problem . Kitchener was away in the hospital , and apart from the workmen , Christie and Beryl were alone in the house . According to Christie , he came upstairs to Beryl sometime around midday . She had made preparations by spreading out a quilt in front of the fire . When Christie came in , Beryl lay down upon it . Christie is then unclear about what happened next . In one account , Beryl went into a panic and Christie started to hit her . He then pulled out a cord and strangled her . In one of his accounts he says that he tried to have intercourse with her , but he couldn 't , and in another account , he states that he did have intercourse with her . He also stated that a short while before , Beryl had tried to kill herself with gas , and he had found her lying on the floor in front of the fire with the gas on . He opened the door and the windows to get rid of the gas , then made her a cup of tea and comforted her . According to Christie , the next day she asked him to help her commit suicide , and " she said she would do anything … I think she was referring to letting me be intimate with her . " Once again , the death was not his fault , she wanted to die . All he did was help her . " I turned the gas tap on and as near as I can make out I held it close to her face . When she became unconscious I turned the tap off . I was going to try to have intercourse with her but it was impossible . I couldn 't bend over . I think that is when I strangled her . " Which of his accounts , if any , is the true one is not clear , though it is more likely that he attempted sex but couldn 't do it as he was suffering from back pains at the time , making some movement difficult . Joan Vincent was a friend of Beryl 's , and around this time , she paid a call on her . She was surprised to find that the door to Beryl 's flat was closed , something Beryl never did . Joan knocked on the door but there was no answer , which was also a surprise as Beryl was usually home at this time . Joan tried the door , which opened a little and then was blocked . Joan said later that although there was no sound , she was certain that there was someone on the other side of the door , blocking it from opening . If this is true , then Christie must have been in a panic , but managed to show coolness under pressure . When Timothy arrived home from work that evening , he found Christie waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs . He told Evans to go up , he would follow behind . When they reached the top floor , Christie told Timothy that it was bad news . The abortion procedure didn 't work , and Beryl had died . Christie led the distraught Timothy into the bedroom where , lying on the bed and covered with a blanket , was the body of his wife , Beryl . Timothy was distressed and vulnerable , and open to suggestion . Christie persuaded Timothy that going to the police would just cause trouble for the both of them . Would that be fair on Christie , as all he had done was try to help , and abortion was illegal . As for Timothy , the arguments and the violence would surely point the finger at him for the death of his wife . Christie 's persuasiveness worked , Timothy would agree to whatever Christie said . Christie told Timothy that he would dispose of the body . First , they would both move it down into Kitchener 's empty flat and put the body in the kitchen . Christie would need Timothy 's help with this as he was unable to lift her on his own because of his bad back . Christie then told Timothy that he would get rid of the body later by putting it down the drain outside . Evans would have to leave and so he agreed to stay with his mother . However , he would take Geraldine with him . Christie said this was a bad idea . It would cause too much suspicion . People would see him with Geraldine and begin to wonder where Beryl was . Christie said that he would think of something . Timothy stayed in the flat overnight , and by the next day , Christie had come up with a solution . Christie knew of a young couple who were childless and desperately wanted a baby . They would take Geraldine and Timothy would be assured that she was being looked after . Timothy was to let people know that Beryl had gone away with Geraldine for a holiday . Timothy prepared Geraldine 's things for her move to a new home , having been told by Christie that the couple would be arriving sometime that day to collect her . Joan Vincent returned later that day and she started up the stairs to see Beryl . Christie , seeing her , headed her off and asked what she wanted . When she said that she 'd come to visit Beryl , Christie told her that Beryl and Geraldine had gone away . However , Joan could see the baby furniture and the pram . Christie said it would be better if she did not come back . When the builders finished their work and had left the premises , Christie got both bodies downstairs and out to the back . Beryl and Geraldine , now neatly wrapped in blankets and tablecloths , were hidden in the wash - house and covered with the floorboards that had been left by the workmen . They stayed there until they were discovered by the police on December 2 . After the execution of Timothy Evans , things began to change at 10 Rillington Place . Christie , always a hypochondriac , had become worse . He felt that he was being persecuted , and his mental state caused him to be examined at the Springfield Mental Hospital for a short while , where he was found by Dr . Petit to be " an insignificant , old womanish city man . Girlish voice , mincing walk . Latent homosexual , though not overt . " By 1952 , Christie had quit his job and was now home all the time , and Ethel was not visiting her relatives in Sheffield as much as she did in the past . Christie was frustrated . He wanted to kill again , he had not murdered anyone since Beryl over three years before , and there was an obstacle in his way . Ethel . On the morning of December 14 , 1952 , Christie strangled Ethel as she lay in bed . According to Christie , " I was awakened at about 8 : 15 a . m . I think it was my wife moving about in bed . I sat up and saw that she appeared to be convulsive . Her face was blue and she was choking . I did what I could to try to restore her breathing , but it was hopeless . It appeared too late to call for assistance , that is when I couldn 't bear to see her , so I got a stocking and tied it around her neck to put her to sleep . " He added he had no idea what it was that were causing his wife to have convulsions , but as he got out of bed after her death , he " saw a small bottle and a cup half - full of water on a small table near the bed . I noticed that the bottle contained two pheno - barbitone tablets and it originally contained twenty - five . I knew then that she must have taken the remainder . " Ethel 's post mortem , however , showed no trace of pills in her stomach . He left her in bed for three days as he did not know what to do with her , but then remembered the loose floorboards in the living room , where Ruth Fuerst once spent the night . Christie also began sending out letters from Ethel to relatives that she had written but had not gotten around to mailing before she was killed . Christie changed the date on them to make it appear they were written later . In subsequent letters , he wrote them himself , explaining that Ethel 's rheumatism prevented her from writing and that she was dictating them to him . Christie had been unemployed since December 6 , and needed money . He sold Ethel 's wedding ring and her watch , and started to sell off the furniture . Each week , he went down to the Labour Exchange to collect unemployment benefits , and on January 26 , 1953 , he forged Ethel 's signature and went to the bank where he emptied her account . Sometime between January 2 and 19 , 1953 , Christie had a chance meeting with 25 - year - old Rita Nelson , a prostitute who was six months pregnant . It 's likely that she met Christie in a pub , and once again pretending to have medical knowledge , he persuaded Rita that he could abort the unwanted child . Rita came round to Rillington Place where , as he did with Muriel Eady , had Rita sit in a chair while he helped her put on the gas mask . Once unconscious , her fate was the same as the previous victims , pulled to the floor and raped as he strangled her to death . Christie 's version is different . I lived in the flat and one evening I went up Ladbroke Grove to get some fish and chips for the animals . I had a dog and a cat . On the way back , in Ladbroke Grove , a drunken woman stood in front of me and demanded a pound for me to take her round the corner . I said . ' I am not interested and I haven 't got money to throw away . ' I 'm not like that . I haven 't had intercourse with any women for over two years , my doctor will tell you that . He is Doctor Odess , Colville Square . She then demanded 30 shillings and said she would scream and say I had interfered with her if I didn 't give it to her . I walked away as I am so well known around there and she would have obviously caused a scene . She came along , she wouldn 't go and she came right to the door still demanding 30 shillings . When I opened the door she forced her way in . I went to the kitchen and she was still on about this 30 shillings . I tried to get her out and she picked up a frying pan to hit me . I closed with her and there was a struggle and she fell back on the chair . It was a deck chair . There was a piece of rope hanging from the chair . I don 't know what happened but I must have gone haywire . The next thing I remember she was lying in the chair with the rope round her neck . I don 't remember taking it off . It couldn 't have been tied . I left her there and went into the front room . After that I believe I had a cup of tea and went to bed . A few days after the death of Rita Nelson , Christie went into a café in Notting Hill . The café was crowded and Christie had to share a table with two young women . The two women were talking about their search for a suitable flat for accommodation . Christie gave his account of the meeting . I went into a café in Notting Hill for a cup of tea and a sandwich . The café was pretty full ; there wasn 't much space . Two girls sat at a table and I sat opposite at the same table . They were talking about rooms , where they had been looking to get accommodation . Then one of them spoke to me . She asked me for a cigarette and then started a conversation . During the conversation , I mentioned about leaving my flat and that it would be vacant very soon , and they suggested coming down together to see it in the evening . Only one came down . The one that came down was 26 - year - old Kathleen Maloney , a part time prostitute and nude model . How he got her to sit in the chair while he gassed her is unknown , but as her post mortem showed that she had been drinking heavily , it is likely that she was drunk enough for Christie to handle her with some ease and get the mask over her face . Once again , Christie 's version is self serving . She looked over the flat . She said it would be suitable subject to the landlord 's permission . It was then that she made suggestions that she would visit me for a few days . She said this so that I would use my influence with the landlord as a sort of payment of kind . I was rather annoyed and told her that it didn 't interest me . I think she started saying I was making accusations against her when she saw there was nothing doing . She said that she would bring someone down to me . I believe it was then that she mentioned something about Irish blood . She was in a violent temper . I remember she started fighting . I am very quiet and avoid fighting . I know there was something , it 's in the back of my mind . She was on the floor . I must have put her in the alcove straight away . Hectorina McLennan was Christie 's final victim . On March 3 , the 26 year old was leaving a café with her boyfriend , a man named Baker , when they bumped into Christie . As Baker crossed over the road to chat with a friend , Christie struck up a conversation with Hectorina . During the conversation , she told Christie that she and Baker had just been evicted from their flat and were looking for somewhere else to stay . Christie , no doubt seeing an opportunity , offered them both accommodations at his home for a few days until they could find somewhere more suitable . The girl came back alone . She asked if he had called and I said ' No ' , but I was expecting him . She said she would wait , but I told her she couldn 't and that he may be looking for her , and that she must go and that she couldn 't stay there alone . She was very funny about it . I got hold of her arm and tried to lead her out . I pushed her out of the kitchen . She started struggling like anything and some of her clothing got torn . She then sort of fell limp as I got hold of her . She sank to the ground and I think that some of her clothing must have got caught around her neck in the struggle . She was just out of the kitchen in the passageway . I tried to lift her up but couldn 't . I then pulled her into the kitchen on to a chair . I felt her pulse , but it wasn 't beating . I pulled the cupboard away again and I must have put her in there . The Hunt for the Monster of Rillington Place Christie went to a Rowton House , a hostel for working men , in Kings Cross , where he paid for lodging for seven days , using his real name . But when the news of what had been discovered at Rillington Place hit the headlines , Christie left . For the rest of the time , he wandered around London , sleeping rough and spending most of his time in cafés and movie theatres . Norman Rae was the chief crime reporter for the News Of The World newspaper , and he remembered the Evans case very well , having covered it for the newspaper three years earlier . As with all of the newspapers , the News Of The World was considering the Evans 's side of the story , and Rae was about to become personally involved . It was late at night on March 29 when Rae 's telephone rang at the News Of The World office . Rae picked it up . On the other end , a whispery voice asked Rae if he remembered him . Rae remembered him very well ; he had interviewed Christie three years earlier when he covered the Evans killings . Christie wanted to give Rae an exclusive , and offered to meet a few hours later outside Wood Green Town Hall . Rae said that he would be there . Rae , along with a driver , got over to Wood Green and waited in the darkened car for Christie to show . Soon , there was movement , and Christie appeared in the shadows . On the last day of March , Christie was on the bank of the Thames at Putney Embankment , leaning over the railing and looking at the river . A police constable named Thomas Ledger walked past and thought the man looked suspicious . Ledger stopped and asked the man his name . " John Waddington " replied the man , and said he was 35 years old and was waiting to get his unemployment cards . Ledger asked the man to remove his hat . Once Ledger got a good look at him , with his bald head and his whispering voice , he knew who stood in front of him . Ledger arrested him and took him to Putney Police Station in a police van that happened to be passing at the right moment . Realizing that the pretense would do no good , " John Waddington " gave his real name . John Reginald Halliday Christie , the monster of Rillington Place , had been captured . Over the following few months , Christie would confess to his crimes on three separate occasions . His confessions , though essentially true in that he was the murderer , were designed to show him in the best light , and his explanations as to how and why the killings took place were self serving . Facts were altered , some details were exaggerated , and some details were conveniently forgotten . He gave an account of his life to the Sunday Pictorial newspaper in which he claimed that a powerful and mysterious force that he couldn 't control made him commit the murders . He tried to present himself as someone who was forced to kill his victims by the victims themselves . Ruth asked for it by stripping off and demanding sex . Beryl wanted to commit suicide , all he did was help . His last three victims were violent and the deaths were self defense . Even Ethel 's death was a mercy killing . The truth was that Ethel was in the way , and Christie wanted to pursue his murderous hobby . It also may have been that Ethel had put two and two together , and was beginning to suspect that he may have had a hand in the death of Beryl Evans . Muriel Eady was the only one of his victims that he didn 't blame for her own death . And he never admitted , not officially anyway , that he was responsible for the death of Geraldine Evans . But he couldn 't , not if his defense plan was going to work . With all of his victims , it was their own fault , or , in the case of Ethel , it was a mercy killing . The prostitutes provoked him with their overt sexual attempts or their violent attacks on him , and Beryl wanted to die anyway . None of these excuses could be placed on a 13 - month - old little girl . The truth was that Geraldine was murdered simply to get rid of a problem . If Beryl and Geraldine disappeared , then it could be assumed that they had just left , with Beryl fed up with Timothy and taking the baby with her . If Timothy and Geraldine were together , then people would start asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Beryl , and the truth could come out . The trail could have led back to Christie . So Geraldine had to go . The facts as stated by the prosecution showed a man who was devious , who tried to conceal the murder of his wife by hiding the body underneath the floorboards , who tried to convince others through forged letters that she was still alive . This was a man who had forged his wife 's signature in order to obtain the contents of her bank account by deceit , and then forged her signature to a receipt to say that she had received it . This man had told people that she was with her relatives in Sheffield , and he had told the person to whom he sold the furniture that she had gone away and that he was joining her later . The defense chose to bring into evidence the other killings , which may prove that he was insane . The defense maintained that although Christie knew what he was doing , he did not know that it was wrong . Christie was called on to testify , and throughout his story , he would mumble , or refuse to speak , and answered many of the questions with , " I don 't know " or " I cannot remember . " The prosecution called its psychiatrist for the rebuttal . In his opinion , Christie knew that what he was doing was wrong , he just didn 't care . A second psychiatrist told the court that the " falsification of memory " in which he cannot remember specific details of the murders , which the defense put forth as further proof of insanity , were merely Christie 's attempts to deliberately hide the truth . His lapses of memory were only apparent when it was convenient for him not to remember something that was damning , but his memory appeared to be perfectly sound when he was remembering anything that was of benefit to his defense . The defense had a weak case . It tried to convince the jury that the murder of Ethel Christie was completely motiveless , and only a madman would kill for no reason . Yet a reason had come up . The motive for the murder of Ethel Christie was a by - product of lust . Christie needed Ethel out of the way to continue his lustful killings of the other women . On July 15 , just 20 days after the judge read the sentence , Christie faced the noose at Pentonville Prison , the same noose that Timothy Evans faced just over three years before . With his arms bound , Christie complained that his nose was itchy . The hangman , Albert Pierrepoint reassured Christie , " It won 't bother you for long . " Did Christie kill more than eight people ? It seems likely that these were not his only victims . As a wartime policeman , there would be many opportunities to kill and get rid of the body in a bombed building . The four clumps of pubic hair that didn 't belong to any known victims would point to there being others . And the gaps between killings are long , which is also unusual . But these are questions that can never be answered . For the residents of Rillington Place , life became a nightmare . Sightseers flocked to see the infamous house , crowding the already narrow cul - de - sac . Mrs . Sarah McFadden , the resident at number 3 , organized a petition , which was signed by 83 residents , asking for a change to the street name . It was presented to the council on May 19 , 1953 . Although the council felt that the name change would make no difference to the sightseers , the name was finally changed in May the following year , to Ruston Close . As the council suspected , it didn 't stop the sightseers . But there was a problem , the police had not done their job . The fact was the police investigation into the deaths of Beryl and Geraldine was a mess . When Evans told the police in Wales that he had disposed of his wife , they were certain that he was responsible . The fact that it took three men to lift the cover on the drain showed that Evans was a liar . The police , believing that they had their man , were determined that he should not escape justice . Evans , after being told that his wife 's body was not where he told them it would be , told them that Christie did it . The police decided that this was just to shift the blame . They may have been right , but they should still have checked Christie 's background , just to be on the safe side . If they had , Christie past convictions , including one for the " murderous attack " on a woman , would have come to light , and Christie would not have been regarded as the decent and upstanding citizen that he pretended to be . But beyond that , there were other aspects of the " investigation " that were , at best , criminally negligent . While searching for Beryl 's body in the garden , the police failed to notice a human thigh bone propping up the sagging fence , even though the garden was , supposedly , examined . Some other bones were visible , thanks to Christie 's dog having dug them up . Shortly after the police search , the dog pulled up the skull of Muriel Eady . Christie slipped it under his coat and walked past the policemen waiting outside the house and threw it into a bombed out house in St . Mark 's Road , where it was discovered shortly after . It was handed in to the police , who decided it was a bomb victim . Why did they not question the fact that the house had been bombed eight or nine years before , but the skull only discovered now ? Why did they not consider it to be too much of a coincidence that they find a skull at the same time as they are looking for a body just around the corner ? It defied explanation . The discovery of the clipping concerning the Stanley Setty murder told the police that Evans was going to get rid of the bodies in the same manner . Why would he have a clipping otherwise . The problem was , why would he have a clipping at all , he couldn 't read , it would have been indecipherable to him . But Christie was known to be an avid clipper . The bodies of Beryl and Geraldine were found in the wash - house on December 2 , and had been dead for three weeks . That , according to the police thinking , is where Evans left them . But the workmen who had been doing work there since October had been using the wash - house to store their tools , and the bodies were certainly not there during that time . The workmen had only finished using the wash - house the day before the bodies were discovered . The workmen also stated that the wood that was used to cover the bodies was from floorboards that had been taken up after Evans had left , and the wood had been given to Christie . With this evidence , the guilt of Timothy Evans should have been , at the very least , questioned . He couldn 't have moved the bodies to the wash - house the day before ; he was already in police custody . But the confessions were proof that Evans committed the murders . They were very detailed and accurate , he knew where the bodies were , he knew how they had been killed , and he knew what they were wearing . How could he know so much detail if he was not the killer . The fact was that all of these details were already known to the police , and the police coached Evans in what to say during the confession . Evans was fearful of the police , there had been hints of violence if he didn 't come clean , and with this threat over him Evans was scared that he would be hurt . As they fed him the details of the murders , he agreed that it was so , and after a long night of interrogation ( and not the 75 minutes that the police stated it took ) , Evans had confessed to a murder that he didn 't commit in details that should have been known only to the killer . But the workmen who were at 10 Rillington Place were never called . In addition , the police re - interviewed the workmen , and managed to get some of them at least to change their story to fit in with the theory that Evans killed his family . According to one source , they even produced a photograph of a dead baby ( not connected to the case ) to manipulate the workers emotionally . In his summing up , the judge presented the jury with two options . Either Dr . Teare , the pathologist was lying about the post mortem results , or Evans was lying . He pointed out that Evans had a reputation and a record as a habitual liar , and pointed out the luminous reputation of Christie . The newspaper cutting about the Setty murder was referred to in the inquiry , showing that Evans probably planned to dispose of the bodies in the same manner . The fact that Evans was illiterate and couldn 't read , and that Christie was known to be an avid newspaper clipper , was also dismissed . Other evidence that would have pointed to Evans being innocent of the charge was also ignored . In Parliament , the report was viciously attacked . Geoffrey Bing , QC , the MP for Hornchurch delivered what , at the time , was called by Michael Foot , " one of the most formidable which has been delivered in this house for many years . " Bing stated , " The whole of the report was shot through with prejudice and evidence of all sorts of irregularities . " Michael Foot said it was not worth the paper it had been written on , and Reginald Paget said that it deliberately concealed the truth and was dishonest . One man stood up and gave his support to a growing campaign for justice for Timothy Evans . He was James Chuter Ede , later Baron Chuter - Ede , who in 1950 was the Home Secretary at the time of Evans ' execution . He concluded that a terrible mistake had been made . In 1955 , The Man on Your Conscience was published . Written by Michael Eddowes , it was the first important book on the case , and generated a renewed interest . Four influential editors , Ian Gilmour of The Spectator , John Grigg of The National and English Review , Sir Lynton Andrews of The Yorkshire Post , and David Astor of The Observer petitioned the Home secretary for a new inquiry . It was denied . Kennedy also stressed the evidence given by Dr . Teare that there were signs of sexual penetration of Beryl 's body , suggesting the murderer was sexually aroused by the act of killing , and possibly a necrophiliac . This evidence was suppressed by Evans 's own defense . Had this come up in court , it would have removed some suspicion from Evans who may have been short tempered and violent , but was certainly not a necrophiliac , and would not have had sex with his wife 's body . By now , Britain had a new Home Secretary , R . A . Butler . The campaigners , including Labour MP Sir Frank Soskice , asked for a new inquiry , and Butler said that he would examine the evidence that was presented in the book . Just over seven weeks later , Butler made his decision . No inquiry . With the Governments reversed , Labour , after years of vociferous campaigning for the inquiry , took on the former Governments position and was now refusing it . The Conservative 's , in their turn , took up Labour 's former stance , and were now pushing for an inquiry . " I do not think that an inquiry would serve any useful purpose at this stage . I think it would be kinder not to express views one way or the other . " said Soskice . Herbert Wolfe was a German refugee living in Darlington , who had arrived in Britain in 1933 to escape what was happening in his own country . To him , the concept of British justice was precious and something that should not be taken for granted . He had read Kennedy 's book and , convinced of the innocence of Timothy Evans , wrote an article that he sent to the editor of his local paper , The Northern Echo . Darlington is far from London , and the local paper could hardly have any influence on the Government . But the editor happened to be Harold Evans , an exceptional journalist who would go on to become editor of The Sunday Times and is now editor at large for Reuters . He said , " After receiving Wolfe 's article , I got hold of Kennedy 's book . I read it on the train to London , and became so angry I wanted to pull the communication cord . I thought , this is an outrage ; something must be done about it . " Every day , for months , Evans published something about the case . He produced pamphlets , while Wolfe ceaselessly telephoned people about the case . On July 28 , 1965 , with Ludovic Kennedy as its chairman , the Timothy Evans committee was formed . With the press coverage that was generated , Evans pressed the Prime Minister Harold Wilson , who capitulated and promised that the Government would do something . The conclusion was bizarre . Christie , the report decided , did kill Geraldine Evans , but Timothy killed Beryl . Despite this astonishing conclusion , the report did agree that a jury could not have convicted Evans on any murder if all of the available evidence had been presented in court . Mary Westlake , Evans ' half - sister , and his sister Eileen Ashby , were awarded payment as compensation for their brothers ' miscarriage of justice , in January 2003 . Lord Brennan , the independent assessor for the Home Office , stated that " the conviction and execution of Timothy Evans for the murder of his child was wrongful and a miscarriage of justice . " He went on to add , " there is no evidence to implicate Timothy Evans in the murder of his wife . She was most probably murdered by Christie . " Brennan believed that Brabin 's conclusion that Evans murdered Beryl should be rejected . The following year , on November 16 , Mary Westlake appealed to the High Court . She wanted them to overturn a decision made by the Criminal Cases Review Commission not to refer Evans 's case to the Court of Appeal . Her argument was that though he had been pardoned , it had not formally erased his conviction for murder . The Evans Case Helps Fire the Anti - Death Penalty Movement in Great Britain Although the case of Timothy Evans was a boost to those who were opposed to capital punishment , it wasn 't the only one to have an impact , and it wasn 't , as some have thought , one of the cases that started the abolition campaign . The truth is that the abolition question had been around for several decades . However there is no doubt that the Evans case was of major importance for those wishing to end the practice . Capital punishment was suspended as a five year experiment , and became permanent in 1969 . But this was only for murder . Until 1971 , the death penalty remained for causing a fire or explosion in a naval dockyard , and remained until 1981 for espionage . Piracy that included violence was still a hanging crime until 1998 , as was treason and various offenses within the military . AboutWith the purpose of writing about true crime in an authoritative , fact - based manner , veteran journalists J . J . Maloney and J . Patrick O ' Connor launched Crime Magazine in November of 1998 . Their goal was to cover all aspects of true crime : Read More

John Reginald Halliday Christie Serial Killer Reg Christie pinned one of his eight murders on the witless Timothy Evans before he was discovered to be the " Monster of 10 Rillington Place . " Evans 's execution by hanging - and his posthumous pardon - helped lead to the abolishment of the death penalty in Great Britain . by Mark Pulham When most people think of Notting Hill , there are a few things that first come to mind . One could be the Notting Hill carnival , a colorful event held every year by the West Indian community and , after Rio , the second largest street carnival in the world . Or it may be Portobello Road , home to the worlds largest Antiques Market , held every Saturday , and also the home to the Portobello Film Festival , where over 700 films have had their premiers . Rillington Place was a typical street in the area . Number 10 was a narrow , dreary , and depressing house at the end of a narrow , dreary , and depressing cul - de - sac . Built probably around 1869 , it was a grimy and cramped house that had been , like many others , split into three flats , one on each floor . At the beginning of 1948 , only two of the flats were occupied . In the ground floor flat lived the Christies , Reg and Ethel . Their flat consisted of a front living room , a back bedroom , and a kitchen , which included a pantry or cupboard . A passageway led from the front door of the house through to the back door , splitting the Christie 's kitchen from their other rooms . Outside , there was a small wash - house with a sink and a boiler , where the occupants could do small amounts of laundry . Also outside was the only lavatory , which everyone had to use . Access to both of these was through the passageway that separated the Christie 's kitchen from the rest of their flat . Even before he was born , he had lost someone . His father , Daniel , had walked out on his pregnant wife Thomasina and their daughter , 3 - year - old Eileen . Nothing was heard from Daniel again . Young Timothy had problems as a child . He would have unmanageable tantrums and had trouble learning to speak . He also had a low IQ and had great difficulty learning anything at school . To make matters worse , at the age of 8 , he suffered an injury to his right foot and he developed a tubular plantar wart . It never healed completely , and much of his time was spent at the hospital , which only added to his lack of education . Timothy 's older sister , Eileen , had found a place for them . It wasn 't too far away , just around the corner in Rillington Place . The young couple moved into number 10 . On October 10 , 1948 , at Queen Charlotte 's Maternity Hospital , Beryl gave birth to a baby daughter who they named Geraldine . Her arrival could not have helped . There was now less space in the small two roomed flat , and Timothy 's wages were barely enough to cover the two of them , let alone a baby as well . He told them that he had disposed of his wife . Her body had been put down a drain outside his home in London . The police took him to Merthyr Tydfil police station where Detective Sergeant Gough and Detective Constable Evans took a statement . According to Timothy , it had all been an accident . Beryl was anxious to have the second pregnancy terminated , but abortion was illegal in Britain at that time . Timothy told the police that he met a man in the pub who told him he had something that would do the trick . If Beryl took it , it would cause an abortion . The man gave him a bottle which contained some mixture for Beryl to drink . It took three of them to lift the manhole cover , a sign in itself that Evans was lying , there was no way a man of his short stature could have lifted the cover alone . They looked down the drain and could see that there was no body down there . In any case , the drain was too narrow for a body to fit . Evans had to be lying . The police at Merthyr Tydfil were informed that nothing was found , and they told Timothy . He was then questioned again . Timothy changed his story , saying he may as well tell them the truth . He now told them that Beryl had died when their ground floor neighbor , Reg Christie , had tried to give her an abortion . Reg said that the last time he saw Beryl Evans was on Tuesday , November 8 . It was around midday and he saw her go out with Geraldine . He said that she looked scared about something . That same night , around midnight , he and Ethel were woken up by noises coming from upstairs , thumping sounds , as if someone was moving stuff around . It couldn 't have been Mr . Kitchener , Reg explained , as he was in the hospital . It had to have come from Evans 's flat . As the noise didn 't last for very long , they thought no more about it , and both went back to sleep . The following day , Evans came down to see the Christies . He explained to them that he was upset with his boss at work and had quit his van driver job . According to Christie , he was going to move to Bristol to be with Beryl , and so he had decided to sell all of his furniture . Evans had also been around to see his mother , and to her , he told a different story . He told her that Beryl had gone , not to Bristol , but to Brighton , to see her father . This seemed odd to Timothy 's mother . She knew that Beryl and her father did not get along . Why would she go there ? The Notting Hill Police , their suspicions aroused , did a quick search of the house and the garden , but nothing much was found . The only thing of significance was a newspaper clipping found in the Evans 's flat . The clipping was about the recent Stanley Setty murder case . The month before , Setty 's neatly wrapped torso had been discovered in some marshes in Essex . Had Timothy Evans done the same with his wife ? A briefcase was also found in the Evans flat , and it turned out to be stolen . Informed of the briefcase , the Merthyr Tydfil police charged Evans with theft and he was to be returned to London . The theft charge allowed the police to hold him while the search for Beryl continued . On December 2 , the police returned to number 10 , and the search this time produced grisly results . They tried to get into the tiny wash - house at the back of the building , but the door had become stuck . Ethel found a piece of metal that could be used to pry the door open and gave it to the police . They forced the door open and looked inside . It was dark in the wash - house , but they could see that there was some wood stacked up against the sink . One of the officers felt behind the wood and could feel some sort of package . The wood was removed and they found what appeared to be a large parcel wrapped up in a green tablecloth . They turned to Ethel and asked her what it may be , and she told them she had never seen it before . The police pulled the package out and untied the cord that was holding the package together . No sooner was the package loosened when out slipped a pair of feet . Unwrapped , the package revealed the moldering corpse of Beryl Evans . She had been beaten and strangled . The bodies were taken to Kensington Mortuary where the Home Office pathologist conducted the post mortems . Bruising over the right eye and on the lip showed that Beryl had been hit , probably more than once , and then she had been strangled with cord or rope . There was no evidence that any attempt at an abortion had taken place , though there was some bruising inside the vagina , indicating there may have been an attempt at sex . Timothy Evans was returned to London . He believed he was going to be questioned about the stolen briefcase that had been found in his flat . However , when he arrived at the train station accompanied by police officers , there were photographers waiting to take pictures of him . It was clear to Evans that this was not about the briefcase . She was incurring one debt after another and I could not stand it any longer , so I strangled her with a piece of rope and took her down to the flat below the same night whilst the old man [ Mr . Kitchener ] was in hospital . I waited until the Christies downstairs had gone to bed , then I took her to the wash - house after midnight . This was on Tuesday 8 November . On Thursday evening after I came home from work I strangled my baby in our bedroom with my tie and later that night I took her down into the wash - house after the Christies had gone to bed . Later , Timothy Evans would make a longer confession that , according to the police , took 75 minutes to write and read back to him . This confession goes into greater detail about the murders . He told of how he got angry and how he hit Beryl , and then , in an uncontrollable fit of temper , he strangled her . He told of how he got her body downstairs and into the wash - house and used the wood to cover her body before locking the door . The trial of Timothy Evans began on January 11 , 1950 at the Old Bailey . Unlike the present day , in the 1950 's you could only be tried for one murder at a time . Mr . Christmas Humphries was the prosecutor , and he wanted to avoid the defense motive of provocation that the defense would surely put forth if the trial was for the murder of Beryl Evans . With Geraldine , there could be no such motive , and so , although the murder of Beryl would be included in the testimony , the trial was for the murder of his 13 - month old - daughter . The prosecution 's case was simple . Evans and Beryl were in a difficult relationship . Their marriage was under a great deal of strain , with little money coming in , a baby to feed and clothe , and now , a second baby on the way . Dr . Teare gave his evidence , and Christie was also called by the prosecution . With Christie , Morris thought he saw a way to help with the defense . He had discovered that Christie had some past criminal convictions and hoped that would at least discredit him as a witness . It didn 't work . It did the opposite . Christie , for all his past faults , had not been in any trouble for the past 17 years . The jury was impressed by this man and the fact that he had turned his life around to become a model citizen . Reg Christie was a war hero , having been gassed during the First World War , which had left him with his soft voice . He had also been a War reserve policeman during World War Two . But the evidence was all against him . Evans had described the murders in precise and accurate detail , because , the prosecution pointed out , he was the one who committed the murders . Only the killer would know the details so clearly . Morris pointed to the second confession given by Evans in which he implicated Christie . Morris hoped that it would confuse the issue and raise a reasonable doubt . But it was useless . Evans was a known liar , he was a known drunk , he was known to be violent , and he was known to have a short temper . He 'd admitted to the murders in more than one statement . The jury filed out of the courtroom for its deliberations , but was back within 40 minutes . The verdict , reached swiftly , was a foregone conclusion . Timothy John Evans was found guilty on the charge of murdering his 13 - month - old daughter . The sentence was death by hanging . Christie , still in the courtroom , burst into a flood of tears . Other news quickly replaced that rapidly dwindling interest in the killings . That same year , in July , Sainsbury 's opened the first purpose built supermarket , and in August , Princess Elizabeth gave birth to her second child , Princess Anne . In November , George Bernard Shaw died at the age of 94 . In addition to the top flat now being empty after the murders , the second floor flat was also vacant as Charles Kitchener had also moved out . Ethel Christie also wanted to move away , the new tenants scared her , and Reg had gone into a depression after the trial . Reg had also lost his job , thanks to some of the disclosures about his convictions that were revealed at the trial . By the end of 1952 , Reg was living alone . Reg had found a new job up in Sheffield , and Ethel had already left , having relatives there . Reg would join her later . Reg was desperate to move out and sold all of his furniture . He stayed in the unfurnished flat well into March 1953 , when he met a woman named Reilly . She told Christie that she was looking for a flat to rent , and Christie said that she could have his . She came round with her husband and had a look at the flat . They thought it would suit them , and Christie took three months rent in advance off them . Christie then borrowed a suitcase from them , put the last of his things in it , and left on March 20 , 1953 . The Reilly 's didn 't get much of a chance to settle in . The next day , the landlord came around and was surprised to find them there . He was angry ; Christie had no right to rent the place out as it wasn 't his . Beresford liked music while he worked , and so the first thing he wanted to do was put up a shelf so he had somewhere to put his radio . He began to tap on the walls to find a suitable spot , and one part of the wall sounded hollow . There had to be some sort of space behind the wall . At the edge , some of the wallpaper was coming away and he pulled on that . He found the door that led to the pantry or cupboard . He managed to get the door partly open , and then he grabbed his flashlight and looked through the crack in the door . What he saw made him reel back in horror . The beam from his flashlight had revealed a woman sitting there , her back toward him . She was semi - naked and obviously dead . Beresford called the police . Several officers arrived and the door to the pantry was opened . The woman sat with her back toward them , leaning forward . The police took her out and moved her to the front room for examination . She was wearing only a bra , a garter belt , and stockings . Her wrists had been bound together by a handkerchief tied in a reef knot , and some clothing had been wedged between her legs to act as a diaper to absorb seepage from her vagina and rectum . There was another object in the cupboard , wrapped in a blanket . The police removed it , and found that it was the body of a second woman . In the cupboard , she had been placed upside down on her head and leaned against the wall . The police were not finished yet . They removed a third body , like the second placed upside down in the cupboard . This victim had her ankles bound , this time with electrical cord , and once again , a reef knot was used . Also tied with a reef knot was the cloth used to cover her head . If the police felt relieved and thought that it was now over , that relief was short lived . Noticing that the floorboards in the living room were loose , the police took them up . There was some loose rubble underneath and , after a short dig , they found the remains of a fourth woman . Back at the mortuary , the post mortems began . The first body to be found was that of a brunette in her early to mid twenties . She had been dead for around four weeks , killed by a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and strangulation . It was determined that she had been suffering from the effects of the carbon monoxide gas when she was strangled with a smooth surfaced cord . There were scratch marks along her back which indicated that she had been dragged along the floor after she was dead . There were also indications that sexual intercourse had also taken place . The next body was also in her mid - twenties with light brown hair . She seemed to have been in good health when she died . She had a pinkish color to her , which indicated that she too had been poisoned with carbon monoxide gas . Like the first , she had also been strangled . She showed signs of heavy drinking on the day that she had died , and she had also had sexual intercourse , either just before or just after she had died . She was wearing a cardigan and a vest , and another vest had been placed between her legs to act as a diaper . She had been dead somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks . The third body , this time a blonde , was , like the first two , in her mid - twenties . Once more , the pinkness of the corpse indicated that she had been gassed before strangulation had taken place . This victim wore a dress , a petticoat , two vests , a bra , and a cardigan . Once more , there was a piece of cloth between the legs to act as a diaper . This victim was also six months pregnant . Once again , sexual intercourse seemed to have occurred either just before or just after death . When the fourth body arrived the next morning , it was clear that there was a significant difference between this one and the first three . First of all , she was older , somewhere in her mid fifties , a plump woman , with missing teeth . A flowered dress and a silk nightgown were wrapped around the body , and then wrapped once more in a flannel blanket . Her head had been covered by a pillowcase . It did not take long to identify the victims . The three younger victims turned out to be prostitutes that Christie had invited back to the flat . They were Rita Nelson , aged 25 , Kathleen Maloney , aged 26 , and Hectorina McLennan , also aged 26 . The older woman who was found under the floor was Ethel Christie . The search of Number 10 continued the next day . Among the things found was an old tobacco tin which , when opened , was found to contain four tufts of pubic hair . None of the pubic hair matched the victims . In the garden , more searchers discovered a human femur , in plain view , propping up the sagging back fence . More bones were discovered , along with some hair and some parts of a dress . By the time the search was completed , they had two more victims , though one of them was missing a head . Both were female . It wasn 't long before both of the victims were identified . Ruth Fuerst was 21 years old when she disappeared . A tall girl at five - foot - eight , she had left Austria in 1939 to come to London . She went missing on August 24 , 1943 . Muriel Eady worked at Ultra Radio Works in 1944 . One day , the 32 year old met a fellow worker in the canteen . His name was Reg Christie . She vanished in October of that year . She was last seen wearing a black wool dress , just like the scraps of a dress that was found in the garden . Some hair that was found also matched Muriel 's . Six bodies were found in total , and now the hunt was on for Christie . John Reginald Halliday Christie was born on April 8 , 1899 , in an isolated house known as " Black Boy " in Turner Lane , Shibden , a small village a few miles east of Halifax , Yorkshire . According to Christie himself , he had a very rosy childhood . He enjoyed school , was excellent at math , and was good at games , especially soccer . He loved animals , a love that lasted all of his life , and at one point , he was an assistant Scout master and a member of the local choir . Christie 's father , Ernest John Christie , was feared in his home . He was a severe and tyrannical man whose temper would explode on the slightest annoyance . Reg was scared of his father and his grandfather . At the age of 8 , Reg experienced death for the first time , when his hated grandfather died . The body was laid out in the house for visitors to come and pay their respects and , like the rest of the family , Reg viewed the body . It must have been a revelation to Reg , that this man , who scared him so badly while he was alive , now didn 't scare him at all in death . It is likely that this is the moment when Reg saw that the dead cannot hurt you , and this lasted into his adult life . Soon after , Reg began playing in the local cemetery where he liked to look at the graves . In June , 1918 , Christie was caught in a mustard gas attack , and spent a month in hospital . According to Christie , he was blinded by the gas for three months and unable to talk for three and a half years because of the attack . There is no evidence of his blindness , and although he may have been unable to speak for a short while , it was more likely due to a psychological reason , and not a physical one . Even so , it could not have been for the length of time that he claimed as just seven weeks later he was declared fit enough for active duty . During his time in the army , Christie became a frequent customer of prostitutes . He discovered that as he didn 't have to please them or prove his manhood , he was able to perform normally . However , they had to be compliant and unresponsive for him to achieve erection and penetration . After he left the army , he met Ethel Simpson Waddington , a very passive girl , which suited Christie . On May 10 , 1920 , they married at Halifax Registry Office . But Christie 's sexual problems remained , and during their courtship , they never had sex at all . Christie , instead , continued to use the services of prostitutes for his sexual needs . In January , 1923 , he found himself in trouble again . This time , he was convicted of obtaining money by false pretences and violent conduct . For this , he received a sentence of 12 months probation . The following year , 1924 , he got nine months hard labor for stealing goods and money . By this time , Ethel was fed up with her husbands petty stealing and inability to hold down a job . She left him and moved in with relatives . Christie moved down to London . By 1929 , Christie was living in Battersea , South London , with a prostitute , and once more , Christie found himself in trouble . In what was described by the judge as a " murderous attack , " Christie had clubbed the prostitute across the head with a cricket bat . Yet , despite the severity of the attack , Christie was only sentenced to six months hard labor . While in prison , Christie got in touch with Ethel and asked if she would visit him . Ethel was lonely , and dismissing the past , came to see him . After Christie was released from prison , Ethel and Christie decided to put the past behind them and reconcile . They moved back in together . In 1934 , Christie was hit by a car while he was out cycling . Taken to hospital , he had to have an operation on his knee . Once again , playing for sympathy , he exaggerated his injuries , stating that he was unconscious for more than an hour , a fact that is not mentioned in hospital records . Christie , for the first time in his life , was in a position of power , and he used it . His neighbors began to dislike this man who abused his position and acted like a bully . He even got himself a new nickname , " The Himmler of Rillington Place . " While he was at Harrow Road , Christie met a married woman whose husband was fighting overseas , and he began to see her in secret , although whether there was a sexual relationship is unknown . The relationship lasted until the middle of 1943 , when the husband returned home unexpectedly and caught them together . Christie took a beating from the husband , and this may have been the trigger that started the murders . In 1943 , most likely after his beating , Christie , still a War Reserve policeman , visited a snack bar in Ladbroke Grove . He was there , supposedly , on police business , though he was actually off duty at the time . While there , he caught the eye of a 21 - year - old Austrian girl named Ruth Fuerst , who worked at a munitions factory and lived not far from Rillington Place . There is some suggestion , likely correct , that Ruth supplemented her income by working as a prostitute part time . Christie struck up a conversation with her , and a relationship began . Soon , they were meeting regularly , and one day in August , Christie took Ruth back to 10 Rillington Place . Ethel was away visiting relatives in Sheffield and Christie had the flat to himself . According to Christie , he and Ruth were in the bedroom at 10 Rillington Place when suddenly , " She undressed and wanted me to have intercourse with her . I got a telegram while she was there , saying that my wife was on her way home . The girl wanted us to team up together and go right away somewhere together . I would not do that . I got on the bed and had intercourse with her . I strangled her with a piece of rope . " The next day , Ethel 's brother left , and Ethel went off to work , leaving Christie to carry on with the disposal of his first victim . After removing the floorboards , he dragged Ruth out to the wash - house in the back and hid the body there . Then he began to dig a grave for her in the garden . Before he had finished , Ethel came home , and they had a cup of tea together . That night , after Ethel had gone to bed , Christie stayed up and carried on with his grisly task . When the hole was deep enough , he went to the wash - house and dragged the body of Ruth Fuerst over to the grave and dropped her in , along with her clothes . He then filled the hole and went to bed . Christie would later admit that he felt a powerful thrill as he looked down at his first victim . The next day , Christie raked over the area where he had buried the body , and accidentally pulled up some of the clothing . This he put in an old dustbin that was used for burning rubbish . Some months later , Christie accidentally dug up Ruth 's skull . This went into the dustbin as well , where it would eventually be discovered during the police search . Muriel suffered from bronchial catarrh and had told Christie about it . Christie had always liked to give the impression he had some medical knowledge , a claim supported by the " medical " books that he owned , which were really nothing more than books he had picked up as a first aid worker . Some even believed that he was a doctor who had been struck off for some reason . Christie told Muriel that he could help with her problem , and he invited her around the Rillington Place for some treatment . It was October , 1944 , and Ethel was , once again , away visiting relatives in Sheffield , leaving Christie home alone . It was the opportunity he had been waiting for . He invited Muriel around and made her a cup of tea , and then showed her the device that he would use to cure her of her problems with catarrh . It was a fairly simple device . A square jar with a metal lid held the special inhalant that smelled of Friar 's Balsam . The lid had two holes in it , and through these holes were two tubes . One of the tubes went down into the liquid while the other end trailed off around the back of the deck chair that she was to sit in . The other tube did not go into the liquid , and the other end was attached to a home made mask that the user would breathe through . As Muriel breathed deeply , Christie reached behind the chair . The other end of the tubing that went into the liquid was attached to the coal gas pipe . Christie released the gas , and Muriel , unable to smell the poisonous carbon monoxide gas because of the Friar 's Balsam , quickly went limp as consciousness faded away . The sexually aroused Christie began to strangle Muriel as he penetrated her body . Soon he was finished , and Muriel was dead . Christie had cured her catarrh , and any other ailment she may have been suffering from . Once again , he dragged the body out to the wash - house where it remained while he dug another grave in the garden . Muriel was buried not too far from where Ruth Fuerst lay . When , some time later , Christie managed to dig up her femur by accident , he just used it to prop up the sagging fence . It is probable that Christie felt a desire for Beryl Evans right from the beginning , he just had to bide his time . Timothy Evans was impressed with his soft spoken neighbor , who was obviously educated beyond Evans 's capabilities , especially as he had medical knowledge , or so he hinted . Christie showed Timothy his " medical " books , and Evans would believe anything Christie said . Christie had to have realized that here was a man who could be manipulated and easily tricked . And when the time came , Christie struck . With a second baby on the way , Beryl wanted to have an abortion , and who better to turn to than their neighbor , a respectable former policeman with medical expertise . He would surely help . But when Timothy Evans found out about Beryl 's plan to get rid of the baby , he wanted no part of it , and he told Christie that they were not interested in getting an abortion . Christie , seeing an opportunity slip away , tried to persuade him that everything would be okay , but Timothy still refused . But Beryl was still insistent , and would go through with it . A short while later , Timothy discovered that money he had been giving to Beryl for housekeeping had been spent on other things , and a serious argument broke out . Timothy threatened to leave , and Beryl told him to go . Instead , he went to the movies . There were workmen in the house the next day . They had been coming since the end of October , working on the wash - house and the roof , and ripping out walls and floors where Christie felt there was a problem . Kitchener was away in the hospital , and apart from the workmen , Christie and Beryl were alone in the house . According to Christie , he came upstairs to Beryl sometime around midday . She had made preparations by spreading out a quilt in front of the fire . When Christie came in , Beryl lay down upon it . Christie is then unclear about what happened next . In one account , Beryl went into a panic and Christie started to hit her . He then pulled out a cord and strangled her . In one of his accounts he says that he tried to have intercourse with her , but he couldn 't , and in another account , he states that he did have intercourse with her . He also stated that a short while before , Beryl had tried to kill herself with gas , and he had found her lying on the floor in front of the fire with the gas on . He opened the door and the windows to get rid of the gas , then made her a cup of tea and comforted her . According to Christie , the next day she asked him to help her commit suicide , and " she said she would do anything … I think she was referring to letting me be intimate with her . " Once again , the death was not his fault , she wanted to die . All he did was help her . " I turned the gas tap on and as near as I can make out I held it close to her face . When she became unconscious I turned the tap off . I was going to try to have intercourse with her but it was impossible . I couldn 't bend over . I think that is when I strangled her . " Which of his accounts , if any , is the true one is not clear , though it is more likely that he attempted sex but couldn 't do it as he was suffering from back pains at the time , making some movement difficult . Joan Vincent was a friend of Beryl 's , and around this time , she paid a call on her . She was surprised to find that the door to Beryl 's flat was closed , something Beryl never did . Joan knocked on the door but there was no answer , which was also a surprise as Beryl was usually home at this time . Joan tried the door , which opened a little and then was blocked . Joan said later that although there was no sound , she was certain that there was someone on the other side of the door , blocking it from opening . If this is true , then Christie must have been in a panic , but managed to show coolness under pressure . When Timothy arrived home from work that evening , he found Christie waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs . He told Evans to go up , he would follow behind . When they reached the top floor , Christie told Timothy that it was bad news . The abortion procedure didn 't work , and Beryl had died . Christie led the distraught Timothy into the bedroom where , lying on the bed and covered with a blanket , was the body of his wife , Beryl . Timothy was distressed and vulnerable , and open to suggestion . Christie persuaded Timothy that going to the police would just cause trouble for the both of them . Would that be fair on Christie , as all he had done was try to help , and abortion was illegal . As for Timothy , the arguments and the violence would surely point the finger at him for the death of his wife . Christie 's persuasiveness worked , Timothy would agree to whatever Christie said . Christie told Timothy that he would dispose of the body . First , they would both move it down into Kitchener 's empty flat and put the body in the kitchen . Christie would need Timothy 's help with this as he was unable to lift her on his own because of his bad back . Christie then told Timothy that he would get rid of the body later by putting it down the drain outside . Evans would have to leave and so he agreed to stay with his mother . However , he would take Geraldine with him . Christie said this was a bad idea . It would cause too much suspicion . People would see him with Geraldine and begin to wonder where Beryl was . Christie said that he would think of something . Timothy stayed in the flat overnight , and by the next day , Christie had come up with a solution . Christie knew of a young couple who were childless and desperately wanted a baby . They would take Geraldine and Timothy would be assured that she was being looked after . Timothy was to let people know that Beryl had gone away with Geraldine for a holiday . Timothy prepared Geraldine 's things for her move to a new home , having been told by Christie that the couple would be arriving sometime that day to collect her . Joan Vincent returned later that day and she started up the stairs to see Beryl . Christie , seeing her , headed her off and asked what she wanted . When she said that she 'd come to visit Beryl , Christie told her that Beryl and Geraldine had gone away . However , Joan could see the baby furniture and the pram . Christie said it would be better if she did not come back . When the builders finished their work and had left the premises , Christie got both bodies downstairs and out to the back . Beryl and Geraldine , now neatly wrapped in blankets and tablecloths , were hidden in the wash - house and covered with the floorboards that had been left by the workmen . They stayed there until they were discovered by the police on December 2 . After the execution of Timothy Evans , things began to change at 10 Rillington Place . Christie , always a hypochondriac , had become worse . He felt that he was being persecuted , and his mental state caused him to be examined at the Springfield Mental Hospital for a short while , where he was found by Dr . Petit to be " an insignificant , old womanish city man . Girlish voice , mincing walk . Latent homosexual , though not overt . " By 1952 , Christie had quit his job and was now home all the time , and Ethel was not visiting her relatives in Sheffield as much as she did in the past . Christie was frustrated . He wanted to kill again , he had not murdered anyone since Beryl over three years before , and there was an obstacle in his way . Ethel . On the morning of December 14 , 1952 , Christie strangled Ethel as she lay in bed . According to Christie , " I was awakened at about 8 : 15 a . m . I think it was my wife moving about in bed . I sat up and saw that she appeared to be convulsive . Her face was blue and she was choking . I did what I could to try to restore her breathing , but it was hopeless . It appeared too late to call for assistance , that is when I couldn 't bear to see her , so I got a stocking and tied it around her neck to put her to sleep . " He added he had no idea what it was that were causing his wife to have convulsions , but as he got out of bed after her death , he " saw a small bottle and a cup half - full of water on a small table near the bed . I noticed that the bottle contained two pheno - barbitone tablets and it originally contained twenty - five . I knew then that she must have taken the remainder . " Ethel 's post mortem , however , showed no trace of pills in her stomach . He left her in bed for three days as he did not know what to do with her , but then remembered the loose floorboards in the living room , where Ruth Fuerst once spent the night . Christie also began sending out letters from Ethel to relatives that she had written but had not gotten around to mailing before she was killed . Christie changed the date on them to make it appear they were written later . In subsequent letters , he wrote them himself , explaining that Ethel 's rheumatism prevented her from writing and that she was dictating them to him . Christie had been unemployed since December 6 , and needed money . He sold Ethel 's wedding ring and her watch , and started to sell off the furniture . Each week , he went down to the Labour Exchange to collect unemployment benefits , and on January 26 , 1953 , he forged Ethel 's signature and went to the bank where he emptied her account . Sometime between January 2 and 19 , 1953 , Christie had a chance meeting with 25 - year - old Rita Nelson , a prostitute who was six months pregnant . It 's likely that she met Christie in a pub , and once again pretending to have medical knowledge , he persuaded Rita that he could abort the unwanted child . Rita came round to Rillington Place where , as he did with Muriel Eady , had Rita sit in a chair while he helped her put on the gas mask . Once unconscious , her fate was the same as the previous victims , pulled to the floor and raped as he strangled her to death . Christie 's version is different . I lived in the flat and one evening I went up Ladbroke Grove to get some fish and chips for the animals . I had a dog and a cat . On the way back , in Ladbroke Grove , a drunken woman stood in front of me and demanded a pound for me to take her round the corner . I said . ' I am not interested and I haven 't got money to throw away . ' I 'm not like that . I haven 't had intercourse with any women for over two years , my doctor will tell you that . He is Doctor Odess , Colville Square . She then demanded 30 shillings and said she would scream and say I had interfered with her if I didn 't give it to her . I walked away as I am so well known around there and she would have obviously caused a scene . She came along , she wouldn 't go and she came right to the door still demanding 30 shillings . When I opened the door she forced her way in . I went to the kitchen and she was still on about this 30 shillings . I tried to get her out and she picked up a frying pan to hit me . I closed with her and there was a struggle and she fell back on the chair . It was a deck chair . There was a piece of rope hanging from the chair . I don 't know what happened but I must have gone haywire . The next thing I remember she was lying in the chair with the rope round her neck . I don 't remember taking it off . It couldn 't have been tied . I left her there and went into the front room . After that I believe I had a cup of tea and went to bed . A few days after the death of Rita Nelson , Christie went into a café in Notting Hill . The café was crowded and Christie had to share a table with two young women . The two women were talking about their search for a suitable flat for accommodation . Christie gave his account of the meeting . I went into a café in Notting Hill for a cup of tea and a sandwich . The café was pretty full ; there wasn 't much space . Two girls sat at a table and I sat opposite at the same table . They were talking about rooms , where they had been looking to get accommodation . Then one of them spoke to me . She asked me for a cigarette and then started a conversation . During the conversation , I mentioned about leaving my flat and that it would be vacant very soon , and they suggested coming down together to see it in the evening . Only one came down . The one that came down was 26 - year - old Kathleen Maloney , a part time prostitute and nude model . How he got her to sit in the chair while he gassed her is unknown , but as her post mortem showed that she had been drinking heavily , it is likely that she was drunk enough for Christie to handle her with some ease and get the mask over her face . Once again , Christie 's version is self serving . She looked over the flat . She said it would be suitable subject to the landlord 's permission . It was then that she made suggestions that she would visit me for a few days . She said this so that I would use my influence with the landlord as a sort of payment of kind . I was rather annoyed and told her that it didn 't interest me . I think she started saying I was making accusations against her when she saw there was nothing doing . She said that she would bring someone down to me . I believe it was then that she mentioned something about Irish blood . She was in a violent temper . I remember she started fighting . I am very quiet and avoid fighting . I know there was something , it 's in the back of my mind . She was on the floor . I must have put her in the alcove straight away . Hectorina McLennan was Christie 's final victim . On March 3 , the 26 year old was leaving a café with her boyfriend , a man named Baker , when they bumped into Christie . As Baker crossed over the road to chat with a friend , Christie struck up a conversation with Hectorina . During the conversation , she told Christie that she and Baker had just been evicted from their flat and were looking for somewhere else to stay . Christie , no doubt seeing an opportunity , offered them both accommodations at his home for a few days until they could find somewhere more suitable . The girl came back alone . She asked if he had called and I said ' No ' , but I was expecting him . She said she would wait , but I told her she couldn 't and that he may be looking for her , and that she must go and that she couldn 't stay there alone . She was very funny about it . I got hold of her arm and tried to lead her out . I pushed her out of the kitchen . She started struggling like anything and some of her clothing got torn . She then sort of fell limp as I got hold of her . She sank to the ground and I think that some of her clothing must have got caught around her neck in the struggle . She was just out of the kitchen in the passageway . I tried to lift her up but couldn 't . I then pulled her into the kitchen on to a chair . I felt her pulse , but it wasn 't beating . I pulled the cupboard away again and I must have put her in there . The Hunt for the Monster of Rillington Place Christie went to a Rowton House , a hostel for working men , in Kings Cross , where he paid for lodging for seven days , using his real name . But when the news of what had been discovered at Rillington Place hit the headlines , Christie left . For the rest of the time , he wandered around London , sleeping rough and spending most of his time in cafés and movie theatres . Norman Rae was the chief crime reporter for the News Of The World newspaper , and he remembered the Evans case very well , having covered it for the newspaper three years earlier . As with all of the newspapers , the News Of The World was considering the Evans 's side of the story , and Rae was about to become personally involved . It was late at night on March 29 when Rae 's telephone rang at the News Of The World office . Rae picked it up . On the other end , a whispery voice asked Rae if he remembered him . Rae remembered him very well ; he had interviewed Christie three years earlier when he covered the Evans killings . Christie wanted to give Rae an exclusive , and offered to meet a few hours later outside Wood Green Town Hall . Rae said that he would be there . Rae , along with a driver , got over to Wood Green and waited in the darkened car for Christie to show . Soon , there was movement , and Christie appeared in the shadows . On the last day of March , Christie was on the bank of the Thames at Putney Embankment , leaning over the railing and looking at the river . A police constable named Thomas Ledger walked past and thought the man looked suspicious . Ledger stopped and asked the man his name . " John Waddington " replied the man , and said he was 35 years old and was waiting to get his unemployment cards . Ledger asked the man to remove his hat . Once Ledger got a good look at him , with his bald head and his whispering voice , he knew who stood in front of him . Ledger arrested him and took him to Putney Police Station in a police van that happened to be passing at the right moment . Realizing that the pretense would do no good , " John Waddington " gave his real name . John Reginald Halliday Christie , the monster of Rillington Place , had been captured . Over the following few months , Christie would confess to his crimes on three separate occasions . His confessions , though essentially true in that he was the murderer , were designed to show him in the best light , and his explanations as to how and why the killings took place were self serving . Facts were altered , some details were exaggerated , and some details were conveniently forgotten . He gave an account of his life to the Sunday Pictorial newspaper in which he claimed that a powerful and mysterious force that he couldn 't control made him commit the murders . He tried to present himself as someone who was forced to kill his victims by the victims themselves . Ruth asked for it by stripping off and demanding sex . Beryl wanted to commit suicide , all he did was help . His last three victims were violent and the deaths were self defense . Even Ethel 's death was a mercy killing . The truth was that Ethel was in the way , and Christie wanted to pursue his murderous hobby . It also may have been that Ethel had put two and two together , and was beginning to suspect that he may have had a hand in the death of Beryl Evans . Muriel Eady was the only one of his victims that he didn 't blame for her own death . And he never admitted , not officially anyway , that he was responsible for the death of Geraldine Evans . But he couldn 't , not if his defense plan was going to work . With all of his victims , it was their own fault , or , in the case of Ethel , it was a mercy killing . The prostitutes provoked him with their overt sexual attempts or their violent attacks on him , and Beryl wanted to die anyway . None of these excuses could be placed on a 13 - month - old little girl . The truth was that Geraldine was murdered simply to get rid of a problem . If Beryl and Geraldine disappeared , then it could be assumed that they had just left , with Beryl fed up with Timothy and taking the baby with her . If Timothy and Geraldine were together , then people would start asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Beryl , and the truth could come out . The trail could have led back to Christie . So Geraldine had to go . The facts as stated by the prosecution showed a man who was devious , who tried to conceal the murder of his wife by hiding the body underneath the floorboards , who tried to convince others through forged letters that she was still alive . This was a man who had forged his wife 's signature in order to obtain the contents of her bank account by deceit , and then forged her signature to a receipt to say that she had received it . This man had told people that she was with her relatives in Sheffield , and he had told the person to whom he sold the furniture that she had gone away and that he was joining her later . The defense chose to bring into evidence the other killings , which may prove that he was insane . The defense maintained that although Christie knew what he was doing , he did not know that it was wrong . Christie was called on to testify , and throughout his story , he would mumble , or refuse to speak , and answered many of the questions with , " I don 't know " or " I cannot remember . " The prosecution called its psychiatrist for the rebuttal . In his opinion , Christie knew that what he was doing was wrong , he just didn 't care . A second psychiatrist told the court that the " falsification of memory " in which he cannot remember specific details of the murders , which the defense put forth as further proof of insanity , were merely Christie 's attempts to deliberately hide the truth . His lapses of memory were only apparent when it was convenient for him not to remember something that was damning , but his memory appeared to be perfectly sound when he was remembering anything that was of benefit to his defense . The defense had a weak case . It tried to convince the jury that the murder of Ethel Christie was completely motiveless , and only a madman would kill for no reason . Yet a reason had come up . The motive for the murder of Ethel Christie was a by - product of lust . Christie needed Ethel out of the way to continue his lustful killings of the other women . On July 15 , just 20 days after the judge read the sentence , Christie faced the noose at Pentonville Prison , the same noose that Timothy Evans faced just over three years before . With his arms bound , Christie complained that his nose was itchy . The hangman , Albert Pierrepoint reassured Christie , " It won 't bother you for long . " Did Christie kill more than eight people ? It seems likely that these were not his only victims . As a wartime policeman , there would be many opportunities to kill and get rid of the body in a bombed building . The four clumps of pubic hair that didn 't belong to any known victims would point to there being others . And the gaps between killings are long , which is also unusual . But these are questions that can never be answered . For the residents of Rillington Place , life became a nightmare . Sightseers flocked to see the infamous house , crowding the already narrow cul - de - sac . Mrs . Sarah McFadden , the resident at number 3 , organized a petition , which was signed by 83 residents , asking for a change to the street name . It was presented to the council on May 19 , 1953 . Although the council felt that the name change would make no difference to the sightseers , the name was finally changed in May the following year , to Ruston Close . As the council suspected , it didn 't stop the sightseers . But there was a problem , the police had not done their job . The fact was the police investigation into the deaths of Beryl and Geraldine was a mess . When Evans told the police in Wales that he had disposed of his wife , they were certain that he was responsible . The fact that it took three men to lift the cover on the drain showed that Evans was a liar . The police , believing that they had their man , were determined that he should not escape justice . Evans , after being told that his wife 's body was not where he told them it would be , told them that Christie did it . The police decided that this was just to shift the blame . They may have been right , but they should still have checked Christie 's background , just to be on the safe side . If they had , Christie past convictions , including one for the " murderous attack " on a woman , would have come to light , and Christie would not have been regarded as the decent and upstanding citizen that he pretended to be . But beyond that , there were other aspects of the " investigation " that were , at best , criminally negligent . While searching for Beryl 's body in the garden , the police failed to notice a human thigh bone propping up the sagging fence , even though the garden was , supposedly , examined . Some other bones were visible , thanks to Christie 's dog having dug them up . Shortly after the police search , the dog pulled up the skull of Muriel Eady . Christie slipped it under his coat and walked past the policemen waiting outside the house and threw it into a bombed out house in St . Mark 's Road , where it was discovered shortly after . It was handed in to the police , who decided it was a bomb victim . Why did they not question the fact that the house had been bombed eight or nine years before , but the skull only discovered now ? Why did they not consider it to be too much of a coincidence that they find a skull at the same time as they are looking for a body just around the corner ? It defied explanation . The discovery of the clipping concerning the Stanley Setty murder told the police that Evans was going to get rid of the bodies in the same manner . Why would he have a clipping otherwise . The problem was , why would he have a clipping at all , he couldn 't read , it would have been indecipherable to him . But Christie was known to be an avid clipper . The bodies of Beryl and Geraldine were found in the wash - house on December 2 , and had been dead for three weeks . That , according to the police thinking , is where Evans left them . But the workmen who had been doing work there since October had been using the wash - house to store their tools , and the bodies were certainly not there during that time . The workmen had only finished using the wash - house the day before the bodies were discovered . The workmen also stated that the wood that was used to cover the bodies was from floorboards that had been taken up after Evans had left , and the wood had been given to Christie . With this evidence , the guilt of Timothy Evans should have been , at the very least , questioned . He couldn 't have moved the bodies to the wash - house the day before ; he was already in police custody . But the confessions were proof that Evans committed the murders . They were very detailed and accurate , he knew where the bodies were , he knew how they had been killed , and he knew what they were wearing . How could he know so much detail if he was not the killer . The fact was that all of these details were already known to the police , and the police coached Evans in what to say during the confession . Evans was fearful of the police , there had been hints of violence if he didn 't come clean , and with this threat over him Evans was scared that he would be hurt . As they fed him the details of the murders , he agreed that it was so , and after a long night of interrogation ( and not the 75 minutes that the police stated it took ) , Evans had confessed to a murder that he didn 't commit in details that should have been known only to the killer . But the workmen who were at 10 Rillington Place were never called . In addition , the police re - interviewed the workmen , and managed to get some of them at least to change their story to fit in with the theory that Evans killed his family . According to one source , they even produced a photograph of a dead baby ( not connected to the case ) to manipulate the workers emotionally . In his summing up , the judge presented the jury with two options . Either Dr . Teare , the pathologist was lying about the post mortem results , or Evans was lying . He pointed out that Evans had a reputation and a record as a habitual liar , and pointed out the luminous reputation of Christie . The newspaper cutting about the Setty murder was referred to in the inquiry , showing that Evans probably planned to dispose of the bodies in the same manner . The fact that Evans was illiterate and couldn 't read , and that Christie was known to be an avid newspaper clipper , was also dismissed . Other evidence that would have pointed to Evans being innocent of the charge was also ignored . In Parliament , the report was viciously attacked . Geoffrey Bing , QC , the MP for Hornchurch delivered what , at the time , was called by Michael Foot , " one of the most formidable which has been delivered in this house for many years . " Bing stated , " The whole of the report was shot through with prejudice and evidence of all sorts of irregularities . " Michael Foot said it was not worth the paper it had been written on , and Reginald Paget said that it deliberately concealed the truth and was dishonest . One man stood up and gave his support to a growing campaign for justice for Timothy Evans . He was James Chuter Ede , later Baron Chuter - Ede , who in 1950 was the Home Secretary at the time of Evans ' execution . He concluded that a terrible mistake had been made . In 1955 , The Man on Your Conscience was published . Written by Michael Eddowes , it was the first important book on the case , and generated a renewed interest . Four influential editors , Ian Gilmour of The Spectator , John Grigg of The National and English Review , Sir Lynton Andrews of The Yorkshire Post , and David Astor of The Observer petitioned the Home secretary for a new inquiry . It was denied . Kennedy also stressed the evidence given by Dr . Teare that there were signs of sexual penetration of Beryl 's body , suggesting the murderer was sexually aroused by the act of killing , and possibly a necrophiliac . This evidence was suppressed by Evans 's own defense . Had this come up in court , it would have removed some suspicion from Evans who may have been short tempered and violent , but was certainly not a necrophiliac , and would not have had sex with his wife 's body . By now , Britain had a new Home Secretary , R . A . Butler . The campaigners , including Labour MP Sir Frank Soskice , asked for a new inquiry , and Butler said that he would examine the evidence that was presented in the book . Just over seven weeks later , Butler made his decision . No inquiry . With the Governments reversed , Labour , after years of vociferous campaigning for the inquiry , took on the former Governments position and was now refusing it . The Conservative 's , in their turn , took up Labour 's former stance , and were now pushing for an inquiry . " I do not think that an inquiry would serve any useful purpose at this stage . I think it would be kinder not to express views one way or the other . " said Soskice . Herbert Wolfe was a German refugee living in Darlington , who had arrived in Britain in 1933 to escape what was happening in his own country . To him , the concept of British justice was precious and something that should not be taken for granted . He had read Kennedy 's book and , convinced of the innocence of Timothy Evans , wrote an article that he sent to the editor of his local paper , The Northern Echo . Darlington is far from London , and the local paper could hardly have any influence on the Government . But the editor happened to be Harold Evans , an exceptional journalist who would go on to become editor of The Sunday Times and is now editor at large for Reuters . He said , " After receiving Wolfe 's article , I got hold of Kennedy 's book . I read it on the train to London , and became so angry I wanted to pull the communication cord . I thought , this is an outrage ; something must be done about it . " Every day , for months , Evans published something about the case . He produced pamphlets , while Wolfe ceaselessly telephoned people about the case . On July 28 , 1965 , with Ludovic Kennedy as its chairman , the Timothy Evans committee was formed . With the press coverage that was generated , Evans pressed the Prime Minister Harold Wilson , who capitulated and promised that the Government would do something . The conclusion was bizarre . Christie , the report decided , did kill Geraldine Evans , but Timothy killed Beryl . Despite this astonishing conclusion , the report did agree that a jury could not have convicted Evans on any murder if all of the available evidence had been presented in court . Mary Westlake , Evans ' half - sister , and his sister Eileen Ashby , were awarded payment as compensation for their brothers ' miscarriage of justice , in January 2003 . Lord Brennan , the independent assessor for the Home Office , stated that " the conviction and execution of Timothy Evans for the murder of his child was wrongful and a miscarriage of justice . " He went on to add , " there is no evidence to implicate Timothy Evans in the murder of his wife . She was most probably murdered by Christie . " Brennan believed that Brabin 's conclusion that Evans murdered Beryl should be rejected . The following year , on November 16 , Mary Westlake appealed to the High Court . She wanted them to overturn a decision made by the Criminal Cases Review Commission not to refer Evans 's case to the Court of Appeal . Her argument was that though he had been pardoned , it had not formally erased his conviction for murder . The Evans Case Helps Fire the Anti - Death Penalty Movement in Great Britain Although the case of Timothy Evans was a boost to those who were opposed to capital punishment , it wasn 't the only one to have an impact , and it wasn 't , as some have thought , one of the cases that started the abolition campaign . The truth is that the abolition question had been around for several decades . However there is no doubt that the Evans case was of major importance for those wishing to end the practice . Capital punishment was suspended as a five year experiment , and became permanent in 1969 . But this was only for murder . Until 1971 , the death penalty remained for causing a fire or explosion in a naval dockyard , and remained until 1981 for espionage . Piracy that included violence was still a hanging crime until 1998 , as was treason and various offenses within the military . AboutWith the purpose of writing about true crime in an authoritative , fact - based manner , veteran journalists J . J . Maloney and J . Patrick O ' Connor launched Crime Magazine in November of 1998 . Their goal was to cover all aspects of true crime : Read More

John Reginald Halliday Christie Serial Killer Reg Christie pinned one of his eight murders on the witless Timothy Evans before he was discovered to be the " Monster of 10 Rillington Place . " Evans 's execution by hanging - and his posthumous pardon - helped lead to the abolishment of the death penalty in Great Britain . by Mark Pulham When most people think of Notting Hill , there are a few things that first come to mind . One could be the Notting Hill carnival , a colorful event held every year by the West Indian community and , after Rio , the second largest street carnival in the world . Or it may be Portobello Road , home to the worlds largest Antiques Market , held every Saturday , and also the home to the Portobello Film Festival , where over 700 films have had their premiers . Rillington Place was a typical street in the area . Number 10 was a narrow , dreary , and depressing house at the end of a narrow , dreary , and depressing cul - de - sac . Built probably around 1869 , it was a grimy and cramped house that had been , like many others , split into three flats , one on each floor . At the beginning of 1948 , only two of the flats were occupied . In the ground floor flat lived the Christies , Reg and Ethel . Their flat consisted of a front living room , a back bedroom , and a kitchen , which included a pantry or cupboard . A passageway led from the front door of the house through to the back door , splitting the Christie 's kitchen from their other rooms . Outside , there was a small wash - house with a sink and a boiler , where the occupants could do small amounts of laundry . Also outside was the only lavatory , which everyone had to use . Access to both of these was through the passageway that separated the Christie 's kitchen from the rest of their flat . Even before he was born , he had lost someone . His father , Daniel , had walked out on his pregnant wife Thomasina and their daughter , 3 - year - old Eileen . Nothing was heard from Daniel again . Young Timothy had problems as a child . He would have unmanageable tantrums and had trouble learning to speak . He also had a low IQ and had great difficulty learning anything at school . To make matters worse , at the age of 8 , he suffered an injury to his right foot and he developed a tubular plantar wart . It never healed completely , and much of his time was spent at the hospital , which only added to his lack of education . Timothy 's older sister , Eileen , had found a place for them . It wasn 't too far away , just around the corner in Rillington Place . The young couple moved into number 10 . On October 10 , 1948 , at Queen Charlotte 's Maternity Hospital , Beryl gave birth to a baby daughter who they named Geraldine . Her arrival could not have helped . There was now less space in the small two roomed flat , and Timothy 's wages were barely enough to cover the two of them , let alone a baby as well . He told them that he had disposed of his wife . Her body had been put down a drain outside his home in London . The police took him to Merthyr Tydfil police station where Detective Sergeant Gough and Detective Constable Evans took a statement . According to Timothy , it had all been an accident . Beryl was anxious to have the second pregnancy terminated , but abortion was illegal in Britain at that time . Timothy told the police that he met a man in the pub who told him he had something that would do the trick . If Beryl took it , it would cause an abortion . The man gave him a bottle which contained some mixture for Beryl to drink . It took three of them to lift the manhole cover , a sign in itself that Evans was lying , there was no way a man of his short stature could have lifted the cover alone . They looked down the drain and could see that there was no body down there . In any case , the drain was too narrow for a body to fit . Evans had to be lying . The police at Merthyr Tydfil were informed that nothing was found , and they told Timothy . He was then questioned again . Timothy changed his story , saying he may as well tell them the truth . He now told them that Beryl had died when their ground floor neighbor , Reg Christie , had tried to give her an abortion . Reg said that the last time he saw Beryl Evans was on Tuesday , November 8 . It was around midday and he saw her go out with Geraldine . He said that she looked scared about something . That same night , around midnight , he and Ethel were woken up by noises coming from upstairs , thumping sounds , as if someone was moving stuff around . It couldn 't have been Mr . Kitchener , Reg explained , as he was in the hospital . It had to have come from Evans 's flat . As the noise didn 't last for very long , they thought no more about it , and both went back to sleep . The following day , Evans came down to see the Christies . He explained to them that he was upset with his boss at work and had quit his van driver job . According to Christie , he was going to move to Bristol to be with Beryl , and so he had decided to sell all of his furniture . Evans had also been around to see his mother , and to her , he told a different story . He told her that Beryl had gone , not to Bristol , but to Brighton , to see her father . This seemed odd to Timothy 's mother . She knew that Beryl and her father did not get along . Why would she go there ? The Notting Hill Police , their suspicions aroused , did a quick search of the house and the garden , but nothing much was found . The only thing of significance was a newspaper clipping found in the Evans 's flat . The clipping was about the recent Stanley Setty murder case . The month before , Setty 's neatly wrapped torso had been discovered in some marshes in Essex . Had Timothy Evans done the same with his wife ? A briefcase was also found in the Evans flat , and it turned out to be stolen . Informed of the briefcase , the Merthyr Tydfil police charged Evans with theft and he was to be returned to London . The theft charge allowed the police to hold him while the search for Beryl continued . On December 2 , the police returned to number 10 , and the search this time produced grisly results . They tried to get into the tiny wash - house at the back of the building , but the door had become stuck . Ethel found a piece of metal that could be used to pry the door open and gave it to the police . They forced the door open and looked inside . It was dark in the wash - house , but they could see that there was some wood stacked up against the sink . One of the officers felt behind the wood and could feel some sort of package . The wood was removed and they found what appeared to be a large parcel wrapped up in a green tablecloth . They turned to Ethel and asked her what it may be , and she told them she had never seen it before . The police pulled the package out and untied the cord that was holding the package together . No sooner was the package loosened when out slipped a pair of feet . Unwrapped , the package revealed the moldering corpse of Beryl Evans . She had been beaten and strangled . The bodies were taken to Kensington Mortuary where the Home Office pathologist conducted the post mortems . Bruising over the right eye and on the lip showed that Beryl had been hit , probably more than once , and then she had been strangled with cord or rope . There was no evidence that any attempt at an abortion had taken place , though there was some bruising inside the vagina , indicating there may have been an attempt at sex . Timothy Evans was returned to London . He believed he was going to be questioned about the stolen briefcase that had been found in his flat . However , when he arrived at the train station accompanied by police officers , there were photographers waiting to take pictures of him . It was clear to Evans that this was not about the briefcase . She was incurring one debt after another and I could not stand it any longer , so I strangled her with a piece of rope and took her down to the flat below the same night whilst the old man [ Mr . Kitchener ] was in hospital . I waited until the Christies downstairs had gone to bed , then I took her to the wash - house after midnight . This was on Tuesday 8 November . On Thursday evening after I came home from work I strangled my baby in our bedroom with my tie and later that night I took her down into the wash - house after the Christies had gone to bed . Later , Timothy Evans would make a longer confession that , according to the police , took 75 minutes to write and read back to him . This confession goes into greater detail about the murders . He told of how he got angry and how he hit Beryl , and then , in an uncontrollable fit of temper , he strangled her . He told of how he got her body downstairs and into the wash - house and used the wood to cover her body before locking the door . The trial of Timothy Evans began on January 11 , 1950 at the Old Bailey . Unlike the present day , in the 1950 's you could only be tried for one murder at a time . Mr . Christmas Humphries was the prosecutor , and he wanted to avoid the defense motive of provocation that the defense would surely put forth if the trial was for the murder of Beryl Evans . With Geraldine , there could be no such motive , and so , although the murder of Beryl would be included in the testimony , the trial was for the murder of his 13 - month old - daughter . The prosecution 's case was simple . Evans and Beryl were in a difficult relationship . Their marriage was under a great deal of strain , with little money coming in , a baby to feed and clothe , and now , a second baby on the way . Dr . Teare gave his evidence , and Christie was also called by the prosecution . With Christie , Morris thought he saw a way to help with the defense . He had discovered that Christie had some past criminal convictions and hoped that would at least discredit him as a witness . It didn 't work . It did the opposite . Christie , for all his past faults , had not been in any trouble for the past 17 years . The jury was impressed by this man and the fact that he had turned his life around to become a model citizen . Reg Christie was a war hero , having been gassed during the First World War , which had left him with his soft voice . He had also been a War reserve policeman during World War Two . But the evidence was all against him . Evans had described the murders in precise and accurate detail , because , the prosecution pointed out , he was the one who committed the murders . Only the killer would know the details so clearly . Morris pointed to the second confession given by Evans in which he implicated Christie . Morris hoped that it would confuse the issue and raise a reasonable doubt . But it was useless . Evans was a known liar , he was a known drunk , he was known to be violent , and he was known to have a short temper . He 'd admitted to the murders in more than one statement . The jury filed out of the courtroom for its deliberations , but was back within 40 minutes . The verdict , reached swiftly , was a foregone conclusion . Timothy John Evans was found guilty on the charge of murdering his 13 - month - old daughter . The sentence was death by hanging . Christie , still in the courtroom , burst into a flood of tears . Other news quickly replaced that rapidly dwindling interest in the killings . That same year , in July , Sainsbury 's opened the first purpose built supermarket , and in August , Princess Elizabeth gave birth to her second child , Princess Anne . In November , George Bernard Shaw died at the age of 94 . In addition to the top flat now being empty after the murders , the second floor flat was also vacant as Charles Kitchener had also moved out . Ethel Christie also wanted to move away , the new tenants scared her , and Reg had gone into a depression after the trial . Reg had also lost his job , thanks to some of the disclosures about his convictions that were revealed at the trial . By the end of 1952 , Reg was living alone . Reg had found a new job up in Sheffield , and Ethel had already left , having relatives there . Reg would join her later . Reg was desperate to move out and sold all of his furniture . He stayed in the unfurnished flat well into March 1953 , when he met a woman named Reilly . She told Christie that she was looking for a flat to rent , and Christie said that she could have his . She came round with her husband and had a look at the flat . They thought it would suit them , and Christie took three months rent in advance off them . Christie then borrowed a suitcase from them , put the last of his things in it , and left on March 20 , 1953 . The Reilly 's didn 't get much of a chance to settle in . The next day , the landlord came around and was surprised to find them there . He was angry ; Christie had no right to rent the place out as it wasn 't his . Beresford liked music while he worked , and so the first thing he wanted to do was put up a shelf so he had somewhere to put his radio . He began to tap on the walls to find a suitable spot , and one part of the wall sounded hollow . There had to be some sort of space behind the wall . At the edge , some of the wallpaper was coming away and he pulled on that . He found the door that led to the pantry or cupboard . He managed to get the door partly open , and then he grabbed his flashlight and looked through the crack in the door . What he saw made him reel back in horror . The beam from his flashlight had revealed a woman sitting there , her back toward him . She was semi - naked and obviously dead . Beresford called the police . Several officers arrived and the door to the pantry was opened . The woman sat with her back toward them , leaning forward . The police took her out and moved her to the front room for examination . She was wearing only a bra , a garter belt , and stockings . Her wrists had been bound together by a handkerchief tied in a reef knot , and some clothing had been wedged between her legs to act as a diaper to absorb seepage from her vagina and rectum . There was another object in the cupboard , wrapped in a blanket . The police removed it , and found that it was the body of a second woman . In the cupboard , she had been placed upside down on her head and leaned against the wall . The police were not finished yet . They removed a third body , like the second placed upside down in the cupboard . This victim had her ankles bound , this time with electrical cord , and once again , a reef knot was used . Also tied with a reef knot was the cloth used to cover her head . If the police felt relieved and thought that it was now over , that relief was short lived . Noticing that the floorboards in the living room were loose , the police took them up . There was some loose rubble underneath and , after a short dig , they found the remains of a fourth woman . Back at the mortuary , the post mortems began . The first body to be found was that of a brunette in her early to mid twenties . She had been dead for around four weeks , killed by a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and strangulation . It was determined that she had been suffering from the effects of the carbon monoxide gas when she was strangled with a smooth surfaced cord . There were scratch marks along her back which indicated that she had been dragged along the floor after she was dead . There were also indications that sexual intercourse had also taken place . The next body was also in her mid - twenties with light brown hair . She seemed to have been in good health when she died . She had a pinkish color to her , which indicated that she too had been poisoned with carbon monoxide gas . Like the first , she had also been strangled . She showed signs of heavy drinking on the day that she had died , and she had also had sexual intercourse , either just before or just after she had died . She was wearing a cardigan and a vest , and another vest had been placed between her legs to act as a diaper . She had been dead somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks . The third body , this time a blonde , was , like the first two , in her mid - twenties . Once more , the pinkness of the corpse indicated that she had been gassed before strangulation had taken place . This victim wore a dress , a petticoat , two vests , a bra , and a cardigan . Once more , there was a piece of cloth between the legs to act as a diaper . This victim was also six months pregnant . Once again , sexual intercourse seemed to have occurred either just before or just after death . When the fourth body arrived the next morning , it was clear that there was a significant difference between this one and the first three . First of all , she was older , somewhere in her mid fifties , a plump woman , with missing teeth . A flowered dress and a silk nightgown were wrapped around the body , and then wrapped once more in a flannel blanket . Her head had been covered by a pillowcase . It did not take long to identify the victims . The three younger victims turned out to be prostitutes that Christie had invited back to the flat . They were Rita Nelson , aged 25 , Kathleen Maloney , aged 26 , and Hectorina McLennan , also aged 26 . The older woman who was found under the floor was Ethel Christie . The search of Number 10 continued the next day . Among the things found was an old tobacco tin which , when opened , was found to contain four tufts of pubic hair . None of the pubic hair matched the victims . In the garden , more searchers discovered a human femur , in plain view , propping up the sagging back fence . More bones were discovered , along with some hair and some parts of a dress . By the time the search was completed , they had two more victims , though one of them was missing a head . Both were female . It wasn 't long before both of the victims were identified . Ruth Fuerst was 21 years old when she disappeared . A tall girl at five - foot - eight , she had left Austria in 1939 to come to London . She went missing on August 24 , 1943 . Muriel Eady worked at Ultra Radio Works in 1944 . One day , the 32 year old met a fellow worker in the canteen . His name was Reg Christie . She vanished in October of that year . She was last seen wearing a black wool dress , just like the scraps of a dress that was found in the garden . Some hair that was found also matched Muriel 's . Six bodies were found in total , and now the hunt was on for Christie . John Reginald Halliday Christie was born on April 8 , 1899 , in an isolated house known as " Black Boy " in Turner Lane , Shibden , a small village a few miles east of Halifax , Yorkshire . According to Christie himself , he had a very rosy childhood . He enjoyed school , was excellent at math , and was good at games , especially soccer . He loved animals , a love that lasted all of his life , and at one point , he was an assistant Scout master and a member of the local choir . Christie 's father , Ernest John Christie , was feared in his home . He was a severe and tyrannical man whose temper would explode on the slightest annoyance . Reg was scared of his father and his grandfather . At the age of 8 , Reg experienced death for the first time , when his hated grandfather died . The body was laid out in the house for visitors to come and pay their respects and , like the rest of the family , Reg viewed the body . It must have been a revelation to Reg , that this man , who scared him so badly while he was alive , now didn 't scare him at all in death . It is likely that this is the moment when Reg saw that the dead cannot hurt you , and this lasted into his adult life . Soon after , Reg began playing in the local cemetery where he liked to look at the graves . In June , 1918 , Christie was caught in a mustard gas attack , and spent a month in hospital . According to Christie , he was blinded by the gas for three months and unable to talk for three and a half years because of the attack . There is no evidence of his blindness , and although he may have been unable to speak for a short while , it was more likely due to a psychological reason , and not a physical one . Even so , it could not have been for the length of time that he claimed as just seven weeks later he was declared fit enough for active duty . During his time in the army , Christie became a frequent customer of prostitutes . He discovered that as he didn 't have to please them or prove his manhood , he was able to perform normally . However , they had to be compliant and unresponsive for him to achieve erection and penetration . After he left the army , he met Ethel Simpson Waddington , a very passive girl , which suited Christie . On May 10 , 1920 , they married at Halifax Registry Office . But Christie 's sexual problems remained , and during their courtship , they never had sex at all . Christie , instead , continued to use the services of prostitutes for his sexual needs . In January , 1923 , he found himself in trouble again . This time , he was convicted of obtaining money by false pretences and violent conduct . For this , he received a sentence of 12 months probation . The following year , 1924 , he got nine months hard labor for stealing goods and money . By this time , Ethel was fed up with her husbands petty stealing and inability to hold down a job . She left him and moved in with relatives . Christie moved down to London . By 1929 , Christie was living in Battersea , South London , with a prostitute , and once more , Christie found himself in trouble . In what was described by the judge as a " murderous attack , " Christie had clubbed the prostitute across the head with a cricket bat . Yet , despite the severity of the attack , Christie was only sentenced to six months hard labor . While in prison , Christie got in touch with Ethel and asked if she would visit him . Ethel was lonely , and dismissing the past , came to see him . After Christie was released from prison , Ethel and Christie decided to put the past behind them and reconcile . They moved back in together . In 1934 , Christie was hit by a car while he was out cycling . Taken to hospital , he had to have an operation on his knee . Once again , playing for sympathy , he exaggerated his injuries , stating that he was unconscious for more than an hour , a fact that is not mentioned in hospital records . Christie , for the first time in his life , was in a position of power , and he used it . His neighbors began to dislike this man who abused his position and acted like a bully . He even got himself a new nickname , " The Himmler of Rillington Place . " While he was at Harrow Road , Christie met a married woman whose husband was fighting overseas , and he began to see her in secret , although whether there was a sexual relationship is unknown . The relationship lasted until the middle of 1943 , when the husband returned home unexpectedly and caught them together . Christie took a beating from the husband , and this may have been the trigger that started the murders . In 1943 , most likely after his beating , Christie , still a War Reserve policeman , visited a snack bar in Ladbroke Grove . He was there , supposedly , on police business , though he was actually off duty at the time . While there , he caught the eye of a 21 - year - old Austrian girl named Ruth Fuerst , who worked at a munitions factory and lived not far from Rillington Place . There is some suggestion , likely correct , that Ruth supplemented her income by working as a prostitute part time . Christie struck up a conversation with her , and a relationship began . Soon , they were meeting regularly , and one day in August , Christie took Ruth back to 10 Rillington Place . Ethel was away visiting relatives in Sheffield and Christie had the flat to himself . According to Christie , he and Ruth were in the bedroom at 10 Rillington Place when suddenly , " She undressed and wanted me to have intercourse with her . I got a telegram while she was there , saying that my wife was on her way home . The girl wanted us to team up together and go right away somewhere together . I would not do that . I got on the bed and had intercourse with her . I strangled her with a piece of rope . " The next day , Ethel 's brother left , and Ethel went off to work , leaving Christie to carry on with the disposal of his first victim . After removing the floorboards , he dragged Ruth out to the wash - house in the back and hid the body there . Then he began to dig a grave for her in the garden . Before he had finished , Ethel came home , and they had a cup of tea together . That night , after Ethel had gone to bed , Christie stayed up and carried on with his grisly task . When the hole was deep enough , he went to the wash - house and dragged the body of Ruth Fuerst over to the grave and dropped her in , along with her clothes . He then filled the hole and went to bed . Christie would later admit that he felt a powerful thrill as he looked down at his first victim . The next day , Christie raked over the area where he had buried the body , and accidentally pulled up some of the clothing . This he put in an old dustbin that was used for burning rubbish . Some months later , Christie accidentally dug up Ruth 's skull . This went into the dustbin as well , where it would eventually be discovered during the police search . Muriel suffered from bronchial catarrh and had told Christie about it . Christie had always liked to give the impression he had some medical knowledge , a claim supported by the " medical " books that he owned , which were really nothing more than books he had picked up as a first aid worker . Some even believed that he was a doctor who had been struck off for some reason . Christie told Muriel that he could help with her problem , and he invited her around the Rillington Place for some treatment . It was October , 1944 , and Ethel was , once again , away visiting relatives in Sheffield , leaving Christie home alone . It was the opportunity he had been waiting for . He invited Muriel around and made her a cup of tea , and then showed her the device that he would use to cure her of her problems with catarrh . It was a fairly simple device . A square jar with a metal lid held the special inhalant that smelled of Friar 's Balsam . The lid had two holes in it , and through these holes were two tubes . One of the tubes went down into the liquid while the other end trailed off around the back of the deck chair that she was to sit in . The other tube did not go into the liquid , and the other end was attached to a home made mask that the user would breathe through . As Muriel breathed deeply , Christie reached behind the chair . The other end of the tubing that went into the liquid was attached to the coal gas pipe . Christie released the gas , and Muriel , unable to smell the poisonous carbon monoxide gas because of the Friar 's Balsam , quickly went limp as consciousness faded away . The sexually aroused Christie began to strangle Muriel as he penetrated her body . Soon he was finished , and Muriel was dead . Christie had cured her catarrh , and any other ailment she may have been suffering from . Once again , he dragged the body out to the wash - house where it remained while he dug another grave in the garden . Muriel was buried not too far from where Ruth Fuerst lay . When , some time later , Christie managed to dig up her femur by accident , he just used it to prop up the sagging fence . It is probable that Christie felt a desire for Beryl Evans right from the beginning , he just had to bide his time . Timothy Evans was impressed with his soft spoken neighbor , who was obviously educated beyond Evans 's capabilities , especially as he had medical knowledge , or so he hinted . Christie showed Timothy his " medical " books , and Evans would believe anything Christie said . Christie had to have realized that here was a man who could be manipulated and easily tricked . And when the time came , Christie struck . With a second baby on the way , Beryl wanted to have an abortion , and who better to turn to than their neighbor , a respectable former policeman with medical expertise . He would surely help . But when Timothy Evans found out about Beryl 's plan to get rid of the baby , he wanted no part of it , and he told Christie that they were not interested in getting an abortion . Christie , seeing an opportunity slip away , tried to persuade him that everything would be okay , but Timothy still refused . But Beryl was still insistent , and would go through with it . A short while later , Timothy discovered that money he had been giving to Beryl for housekeeping had been spent on other things , and a serious argument broke out . Timothy threatened to leave , and Beryl told him to go . Instead , he went to the movies . There were workmen in the house the next day . They had been coming since the end of October , working on the wash - house and the roof , and ripping out walls and floors where Christie felt there was a problem . Kitchener was away in the hospital , and apart from the workmen , Christie and Beryl were alone in the house . According to Christie , he came upstairs to Beryl sometime around midday . She had made preparations by spreading out a quilt in front of the fire . When Christie came in , Beryl lay down upon it . Christie is then unclear about what happened next . In one account , Beryl went into a panic and Christie started to hit her . He then pulled out a cord and strangled her . In one of his accounts he says that he tried to have intercourse with her , but he couldn 't , and in another account , he states that he did have intercourse with her . He also stated that a short while before , Beryl had tried to kill herself with gas , and he had found her lying on the floor in front of the fire with the gas on . He opened the door and the windows to get rid of the gas , then made her a cup of tea and comforted her . According to Christie , the next day she asked him to help her commit suicide , and " she said she would do anything … I think she was referring to letting me be intimate with her . " Once again , the death was not his fault , she wanted to die . All he did was help her . " I turned the gas tap on and as near as I can make out I held it close to her face . When she became unconscious I turned the tap off . I was going to try to have intercourse with her but it was impossible . I couldn 't bend over . I think that is when I strangled her . " Which of his accounts , if any , is the true one is not clear , though it is more likely that he attempted sex but couldn 't do it as he was suffering from back pains at the time , making some movement difficult . Joan Vincent was a friend of Beryl 's , and around this time , she paid a call on her . She was surprised to find that the door to Beryl 's flat was closed , something Beryl never did . Joan knocked on the door but there was no answer , which was also a surprise as Beryl was usually home at this time . Joan tried the door , which opened a little and then was blocked . Joan said later that although there was no sound , she was certain that there was someone on the other side of the door , blocking it from opening . If this is true , then Christie must have been in a panic , but managed to show coolness under pressure . When Timothy arrived home from work that evening , he found Christie waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs . He told Evans to go up , he would follow behind . When they reached the top floor , Christie told Timothy that it was bad news . The abortion procedure didn 't work , and Beryl had died . Christie led the distraught Timothy into the bedroom where , lying on the bed and covered with a blanket , was the body of his wife , Beryl . Timothy was distressed and vulnerable , and open to suggestion . Christie persuaded Timothy that going to the police would just cause trouble for the both of them . Would that be fair on Christie , as all he had done was try to help , and abortion was illegal . As for Timothy , the arguments and the violence would surely point the finger at him for the death of his wife . Christie 's persuasiveness worked , Timothy would agree to whatever Christie said . Christie told Timothy that he would dispose of the body . First , they would both move it down into Kitchener 's empty flat and put the body in the kitchen . Christie would need Timothy 's help with this as he was unable to lift her on his own because of his bad back . Christie then told Timothy that he would get rid of the body later by putting it down the drain outside . Evans would have to leave and so he agreed to stay with his mother . However , he would take Geraldine with him . Christie said this was a bad idea . It would cause too much suspicion . People would see him with Geraldine and begin to wonder where Beryl was . Christie said that he would think of something . Timothy stayed in the flat overnight , and by the next day , Christie had come up with a solution . Christie knew of a young couple who were childless and desperately wanted a baby . They would take Geraldine and Timothy would be assured that she was being looked after . Timothy was to let people know that Beryl had gone away with Geraldine for a holiday . Timothy prepared Geraldine 's things for her move to a new home , having been told by Christie that the couple would be arriving sometime that day to collect her . Joan Vincent returned later that day and she started up the stairs to see Beryl . Christie , seeing her , headed her off and asked what she wanted . When she said that she 'd come to visit Beryl , Christie told her that Beryl and Geraldine had gone away . However , Joan could see the baby furniture and the pram . Christie said it would be better if she did not come back . When the builders finished their work and had left the premises , Christie got both bodies downstairs and out to the back . Beryl and Geraldine , now neatly wrapped in blankets and tablecloths , were hidden in the wash - house and covered with the floorboards that had been left by the workmen . They stayed there until they were discovered by the police on December 2 . After the execution of Timothy Evans , things began to change at 10 Rillington Place . Christie , always a hypochondriac , had become worse . He felt that he was being persecuted , and his mental state caused him to be examined at the Springfield Mental Hospital for a short while , where he was found by Dr . Petit to be " an insignificant , old womanish city man . Girlish voice , mincing walk . Latent homosexual , though not overt . " By 1952 , Christie had quit his job and was now home all the time , and Ethel was not visiting her relatives in Sheffield as much as she did in the past . Christie was frustrated . He wanted to kill again , he had not murdered anyone since Beryl over three years before , and there was an obstacle in his way . Ethel . On the morning of December 14 , 1952 , Christie strangled Ethel as she lay in bed . According to Christie , " I was awakened at about 8 : 15 a . m . I think it was my wife moving about in bed . I sat up and saw that she appeared to be convulsive . Her face was blue and she was choking . I did what I could to try to restore her breathing , but it was hopeless . It appeared too late to call for assistance , that is when I couldn 't bear to see her , so I got a stocking and tied it around her neck to put her to sleep . " He added he had no idea what it was that were causing his wife to have convulsions , but as he got out of bed after her death , he " saw a small bottle and a cup half - full of water on a small table near the bed . I noticed that the bottle contained two pheno - barbitone tablets and it originally contained twenty - five . I knew then that she must have taken the remainder . " Ethel 's post mortem , however , showed no trace of pills in her stomach . He left her in bed for three days as he did not know what to do with her , but then remembered the loose floorboards in the living room , where Ruth Fuerst once spent the night . Christie also began sending out letters from Ethel to relatives that she had written but had not gotten around to mailing before she was killed . Christie changed the date on them to make it appear they were written later . In subsequent letters , he wrote them himself , explaining that Ethel 's rheumatism prevented her from writing and that she was dictating them to him . Christie had been unemployed since December 6 , and needed money . He sold Ethel 's wedding ring and her watch , and started to sell off the furniture . Each week , he went down to the Labour Exchange to collect unemployment benefits , and on January 26 , 1953 , he forged Ethel 's signature and went to the bank where he emptied her account . Sometime between January 2 and 19 , 1953 , Christie had a chance meeting with 25 - year - old Rita Nelson , a prostitute who was six months pregnant . It 's likely that she met Christie in a pub , and once again pretending to have medical knowledge , he persuaded Rita that he could abort the unwanted child . Rita came round to Rillington Place where , as he did with Muriel Eady , had Rita sit in a chair while he helped her put on the gas mask . Once unconscious , her fate was the same as the previous victims , pulled to the floor and raped as he strangled her to death . Christie 's version is different . I lived in the flat and one evening I went up Ladbroke Grove to get some fish and chips for the animals . I had a dog and a cat . On the way back , in Ladbroke Grove , a drunken woman stood in front of me and demanded a pound for me to take her round the corner . I said . ' I am not interested and I haven 't got money to throw away . ' I 'm not like that . I haven 't had intercourse with any women for over two years , my doctor will tell you that . He is Doctor Odess , Colville Square . She then demanded 30 shillings and said she would scream and say I had interfered with her if I didn 't give it to her . I walked away as I am so well known around there and she would have obviously caused a scene . She came along , she wouldn 't go and she came right to the door still demanding 30 shillings . When I opened the door she forced her way in . I went to the kitchen and she was still on about this 30 shillings . I tried to get her out and she picked up a frying pan to hit me . I closed with her and there was a struggle and she fell back on the chair . It was a deck chair . There was a piece of rope hanging from the chair . I don 't know what happened but I must have gone haywire . The next thing I remember she was lying in the chair with the rope round her neck . I don 't remember taking it off . It couldn 't have been tied . I left her there and went into the front room . After that I believe I had a cup of tea and went to bed . A few days after the death of Rita Nelson , Christie went into a café in Notting Hill . The café was crowded and Christie had to share a table with two young women . The two women were talking about their search for a suitable flat for accommodation . Christie gave his account of the meeting . I went into a café in Notting Hill for a cup of tea and a sandwich . The café was pretty full ; there wasn 't much space . Two girls sat at a table and I sat opposite at the same table . They were talking about rooms , where they had been looking to get accommodation . Then one of them spoke to me . She asked me for a cigarette and then started a conversation . During the conversation , I mentioned about leaving my flat and that it would be vacant very soon , and they suggested coming down together to see it in the evening . Only one came down . The one that came down was 26 - year - old Kathleen Maloney , a part time prostitute and nude model . How he got her to sit in the chair while he gassed her is unknown , but as her post mortem showed that she had been drinking heavily , it is likely that she was drunk enough for Christie to handle her with some ease and get the mask over her face . Once again , Christie 's version is self serving . She looked over the flat . She said it would be suitable subject to the landlord 's permission . It was then that she made suggestions that she would visit me for a few days . She said this so that I would use my influence with the landlord as a sort of payment of kind . I was rather annoyed and told her that it didn 't interest me . I think she started saying I was making accusations against her when she saw there was nothing doing . She said that she would bring someone down to me . I believe it was then that she mentioned something about Irish blood . She was in a violent temper . I remember she started fighting . I am very quiet and avoid fighting . I know there was something , it 's in the back of my mind . She was on the floor . I must have put her in the alcove straight away . Hectorina McLennan was Christie 's final victim . On March 3 , the 26 year old was leaving a café with her boyfriend , a man named Baker , when they bumped into Christie . As Baker crossed over the road to chat with a friend , Christie struck up a conversation with Hectorina . During the conversation , she told Christie that she and Baker had just been evicted from their flat and were looking for somewhere else to stay . Christie , no doubt seeing an opportunity , offered them both accommodations at his home for a few days until they could find somewhere more suitable . The girl came back alone . She asked if he had called and I said ' No ' , but I was expecting him . She said she would wait , but I told her she couldn 't and that he may be looking for her , and that she must go and that she couldn 't stay there alone . She was very funny about it . I got hold of her arm and tried to lead her out . I pushed her out of the kitchen . She started struggling like anything and some of her clothing got torn . She then sort of fell limp as I got hold of her . She sank to the ground and I think that some of her clothing must have got caught around her neck in the struggle . She was just out of the kitchen in the passageway . I tried to lift her up but couldn 't . I then pulled her into the kitchen on to a chair . I felt her pulse , but it wasn 't beating . I pulled the cupboard away again and I must have put her in there . The Hunt for the Monster of Rillington Place Christie went to a Rowton House , a hostel for working men , in Kings Cross , where he paid for lodging for seven days , using his real name . But when the news of what had been discovered at Rillington Place hit the headlines , Christie left . For the rest of the time , he wandered around London , sleeping rough and spending most of his time in cafés and movie theatres . Norman Rae was the chief crime reporter for the News Of The World newspaper , and he remembered the Evans case very well , having covered it for the newspaper three years earlier . As with all of the newspapers , the News Of The World was considering the Evans 's side of the story , and Rae was about to become personally involved . It was late at night on March 29 when Rae 's telephone rang at the News Of The World office . Rae picked it up . On the other end , a whispery voice asked Rae if he remembered him . Rae remembered him very well ; he had interviewed Christie three years earlier when he covered the Evans killings . Christie wanted to give Rae an exclusive , and offered to meet a few hours later outside Wood Green Town Hall . Rae said that he would be there . Rae , along with a driver , got over to Wood Green and waited in the darkened car for Christie to show . Soon , there was movement , and Christie appeared in the shadows . On the last day of March , Christie was on the bank of the Thames at Putney Embankment , leaning over the railing and looking at the river . A police constable named Thomas Ledger walked past and thought the man looked suspicious . Ledger stopped and asked the man his name . " John Waddington " replied the man , and said he was 35 years old and was waiting to get his unemployment cards . Ledger asked the man to remove his hat . Once Ledger got a good look at him , with his bald head and his whispering voice , he knew who stood in front of him . Ledger arrested him and took him to Putney Police Station in a police van that happened to be passing at the right moment . Realizing that the pretense would do no good , " John Waddington " gave his real name . John Reginald Halliday Christie , the monster of Rillington Place , had been captured . Over the following few months , Christie would confess to his crimes on three separate occasions . His confessions , though essentially true in that he was the murderer , were designed to show him in the best light , and his explanations as to how and why the killings took place were self serving . Facts were altered , some details were exaggerated , and some details were conveniently forgotten . He gave an account of his life to the Sunday Pictorial newspaper in which he claimed that a powerful and mysterious force that he couldn 't control made him commit the murders . He tried to present himself as someone who was forced to kill his victims by the victims themselves . Ruth asked for it by stripping off and demanding sex . Beryl wanted to commit suicide , all he did was help . His last three victims were violent and the deaths were self defense . Even Ethel 's death was a mercy killing . The truth was that Ethel was in the way , and Christie wanted to pursue his murderous hobby . It also may have been that Ethel had put two and two together , and was beginning to suspect that he may have had a hand in the death of Beryl Evans . Muriel Eady was the only one of his victims that he didn 't blame for her own death . And he never admitted , not officially anyway , that he was responsible for the death of Geraldine Evans . But he couldn 't , not if his defense plan was going to work . With all of his victims , it was their own fault , or , in the case of Ethel , it was a mercy killing . The prostitutes provoked him with their overt sexual attempts or their violent attacks on him , and Beryl wanted to die anyway . None of these excuses could be placed on a 13 - month - old little girl . The truth was that Geraldine was murdered simply to get rid of a problem . If Beryl and Geraldine disappeared , then it could be assumed that they had just left , with Beryl fed up with Timothy and taking the baby with her . If Timothy and Geraldine were together , then people would start asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Beryl , and the truth could come out . The trail could have led back to Christie . So Geraldine had to go . The facts as stated by the prosecution showed a man who was devious , who tried to conceal the murder of his wife by hiding the body underneath the floorboards , who tried to convince others through forged letters that she was still alive . This was a man who had forged his wife 's signature in order to obtain the contents of her bank account by deceit , and then forged her signature to a receipt to say that she had received it . This man had told people that she was with her relatives in Sheffield , and he had told the person to whom he sold the furniture that she had gone away and that he was joining her later . The defense chose to bring into evidence the other killings , which may prove that he was insane . The defense maintained that although Christie knew what he was doing , he did not know that it was wrong . Christie was called on to testify , and throughout his story , he would mumble , or refuse to speak , and answered many of the questions with , " I don 't know " or " I cannot remember . " The prosecution called its psychiatrist for the rebuttal . In his opinion , Christie knew that what he was doing was wrong , he just didn 't care . A second psychiatrist told the court that the " falsification of memory " in which he cannot remember specific details of the murders , which the defense put forth as further proof of insanity , were merely Christie 's attempts to deliberately hide the truth . His lapses of memory were only apparent when it was convenient for him not to remember something that was damning , but his memory appeared to be perfectly sound when he was remembering anything that was of benefit to his defense . The defense had a weak case . It tried to convince the jury that the murder of Ethel Christie was completely motiveless , and only a madman would kill for no reason . Yet a reason had come up . The motive for the murder of Ethel Christie was a by - product of lust . Christie needed Ethel out of the way to continue his lustful killings of the other women . On July 15 , just 20 days after the judge read the sentence , Christie faced the noose at Pentonville Prison , the same noose that Timothy Evans faced just over three years before . With his arms bound , Christie complained that his nose was itchy . The hangman , Albert Pierrepoint reassured Christie , " It won 't bother you for long . " Did Christie kill more than eight people ? It seems likely that these were not his only victims . As a wartime policeman , there would be many opportunities to kill and get rid of the body in a bombed building . The four clumps of pubic hair that didn 't belong to any known victims would point to there being others . And the gaps between killings are long , which is also unusual . But these are questions that can never be answered . For the residents of Rillington Place , life became a nightmare . Sightseers flocked to see the infamous house , crowding the already narrow cul - de - sac . Mrs . Sarah McFadden , the resident at number 3 , organized a petition , which was signed by 83 residents , asking for a change to the street name . It was presented to the council on May 19 , 1953 . Although the council felt that the name change would make no difference to the sightseers , the name was finally changed in May the following year , to Ruston Close . As the council suspected , it didn 't stop the sightseers . But there was a problem , the police had not done their job . The fact was the police investigation into the deaths of Beryl and Geraldine was a mess . When Evans told the police in Wales that he had disposed of his wife , they were certain that he was responsible . The fact that it took three men to lift the cover on the drain showed that Evans was a liar . The police , believing that they had their man , were determined that he should not escape justice . Evans , after being told that his wife 's body was not where he told them it would be , told them that Christie did it . The police decided that this was just to shift the blame . They may have been right , but they should still have checked Christie 's background , just to be on the safe side . If they had , Christie past convictions , including one for the " murderous attack " on a woman , would have come to light , and Christie would not have been regarded as the decent and upstanding citizen that he pretended to be . But beyond that , there were other aspects of the " investigation " that were , at best , criminally negligent . While searching for Beryl 's body in the garden , the police failed to notice a human thigh bone propping up the sagging fence , even though the garden was , supposedly , examined . Some other bones were visible , thanks to Christie 's dog having dug them up . Shortly after the police search , the dog pulled up the skull of Muriel Eady . Christie slipped it under his coat and walked past the policemen waiting outside the house and threw it into a bombed out house in St . Mark 's Road , where it was discovered shortly after . It was handed in to the police , who decided it was a bomb victim . Why did they not question the fact that the house had been bombed eight or nine years before , but the skull only discovered now ? Why did they not consider it to be too much of a coincidence that they find a skull at the same time as they are looking for a body just around the corner ? It defied explanation . The discovery of the clipping concerning the Stanley Setty murder told the police that Evans was going to get rid of the bodies in the same manner . Why would he have a clipping otherwise . The problem was , why would he have a clipping at all , he couldn 't read , it would have been indecipherable to him . But Christie was known to be an avid clipper . The bodies of Beryl and Geraldine were found in the wash - house on December 2 , and had been dead for three weeks . That , according to the police thinking , is where Evans left them . But the workmen who had been doing work there since October had been using the wash - house to store their tools , and the bodies were certainly not there during that time . The workmen had only finished using the wash - house the day before the bodies were discovered . The workmen also stated that the wood that was used to cover the bodies was from floorboards that had been taken up after Evans had left , and the wood had been given to Christie . With this evidence , the guilt of Timothy Evans should have been , at the very least , questioned . He couldn 't have moved the bodies to the wash - house the day before ; he was already in police custody . But the confessions were proof that Evans committed the murders . They were very detailed and accurate , he knew where the bodies were , he knew how they had been killed , and he knew what they were wearing . How could he know so much detail if he was not the killer . The fact was that all of these details were already known to the police , and the police coached Evans in what to say during the confession . Evans was fearful of the police , there had been hints of violence if he didn 't come clean , and with this threat over him Evans was scared that he would be hurt . As they fed him the details of the murders , he agreed that it was so , and after a long night of interrogation ( and not the 75 minutes that the police stated it took ) , Evans had confessed to a murder that he didn 't commit in details that should have been known only to the killer . But the workmen who were at 10 Rillington Place were never called . In addition , the police re - interviewed the workmen , and managed to get some of them at least to change their story to fit in with the theory that Evans killed his family . According to one source , they even produced a photograph of a dead baby ( not connected to the case ) to manipulate the workers emotionally . In his summing up , the judge presented the jury with two options . Either Dr . Teare , the pathologist was lying about the post mortem results , or Evans was lying . He pointed out that Evans had a reputation and a record as a habitual liar , and pointed out the luminous reputation of Christie . The newspaper cutting about the Setty murder was referred to in the inquiry , showing that Evans probably planned to dispose of the bodies in the same manner . The fact that Evans was illiterate and couldn 't read , and that Christie was known to be an avid newspaper clipper , was also dismissed . Other evidence that would have pointed to Evans being innocent of the charge was also ignored . In Parliament , the report was viciously attacked . Geoffrey Bing , QC , the MP for Hornchurch delivered what , at the time , was called by Michael Foot , " one of the most formidable which has been delivered in this house for many years . " Bing stated , " The whole of the report was shot through with prejudice and evidence of all sorts of irregularities . " Michael Foot said it was not worth the paper it had been written on , and Reginald Paget said that it deliberately concealed the truth and was dishonest . One man stood up and gave his support to a growing campaign for justice for Timothy Evans . He was James Chuter Ede , later Baron Chuter - Ede , who in 1950 was the Home Secretary at the time of Evans ' execution . He concluded that a terrible mistake had been made . In 1955 , The Man on Your Conscience was published . Written by Michael Eddowes , it was the first important book on the case , and generated a renewed interest . Four influential editors , Ian Gilmour of The Spectator , John Grigg of The National and English Review , Sir Lynton Andrews of The Yorkshire Post , and David Astor of The Observer petitioned the Home secretary for a new inquiry . It was denied . Kennedy also stressed the evidence given by Dr . Teare that there were signs of sexual penetration of Beryl 's body , suggesting the murderer was sexually aroused by the act of killing , and possibly a necrophiliac . This evidence was suppressed by Evans 's own defense . Had this come up in court , it would have removed some suspicion from Evans who may have been short tempered and violent , but was certainly not a necrophiliac , and would not have had sex with his wife 's body . By now , Britain had a new Home Secretary , R . A . Butler . The campaigners , including Labour MP Sir Frank Soskice , asked for a new inquiry , and Butler said that he would examine the evidence that was presented in the book . Just over seven weeks later , Butler made his decision . No inquiry . With the Governments reversed , Labour , after years of vociferous campaigning for the inquiry , took on the former Governments position and was now refusing it . The Conservative 's , in their turn , took up Labour 's former stance , and were now pushing for an inquiry . " I do not think that an inquiry would serve any useful purpose at this stage . I think it would be kinder not to express views one way or the other . " said Soskice . Herbert Wolfe was a German refugee living in Darlington , who had arrived in Britain in 1933 to escape what was happening in his own country . To him , the concept of British justice was precious and something that should not be taken for granted . He had read Kennedy 's book and , convinced of the innocence of Timothy Evans , wrote an article that he sent to the editor of his local paper , The Northern Echo . Darlington is far from London , and the local paper could hardly have any influence on the Government . But the editor happened to be Harold Evans , an exceptional journalist who would go on to become editor of The Sunday Times and is now editor at large for Reuters . He said , " After receiving Wolfe 's article , I got hold of Kennedy 's book . I read it on the train to London , and became so angry I wanted to pull the communication cord . I thought , this is an outrage ; something must be done about it . " Every day , for months , Evans published something about the case . He produced pamphlets , while Wolfe ceaselessly telephoned people about the case . On July 28 , 1965 , with Ludovic Kennedy as its chairman , the Timothy Evans committee was formed . With the press coverage that was generated , Evans pressed the Prime Minister Harold Wilson , who capitulated and promised that the Government would do something . The conclusion was bizarre . Christie , the report decided , did kill Geraldine Evans , but Timothy killed Beryl . Despite this astonishing conclusion , the report did agree that a jury could not have convicted Evans on any murder if all of the available evidence had been presented in court . Mary Westlake , Evans ' half - sister , and his sister Eileen Ashby , were awarded payment as compensation for their brothers ' miscarriage of justice , in January 2003 . Lord Brennan , the independent assessor for the Home Office , stated that " the conviction and execution of Timothy Evans for the murder of his child was wrongful and a miscarriage of justice . " He went on to add , " there is no evidence to implicate Timothy Evans in the murder of his wife . She was most probably murdered by Christie . " Brennan believed that Brabin 's conclusion that Evans murdered Beryl should be rejected . The following year , on November 16 , Mary Westlake appealed to the High Court . She wanted them to overturn a decision made by the Criminal Cases Review Commission not to refer Evans 's case to the Court of Appeal . Her argument was that though he had been pardoned , it had not formally erased his conviction for murder . The Evans Case Helps Fire the Anti - Death Penalty Movement in Great Britain Although the case of Timothy Evans was a boost to those who were opposed to capital punishment , it wasn 't the only one to have an impact , and it wasn 't , as some have thought , one of the cases that started the abolition campaign . The truth is that the abolition question had been around for several decades . However there is no doubt that the Evans case was of major importance for those wishing to end the practice . Capital punishment was suspended as a five year experiment , and became permanent in 1969 . But this was only for murder . Until 1971 , the death penalty remained for causing a fire or explosion in a naval dockyard , and remained until 1981 for espionage . Piracy that included violence was still a hanging crime until 1998 , as was treason and various offenses within the military . AboutWith the purpose of writing about true crime in an authoritative , fact - based manner , veteran journalists J . J . Maloney and J . Patrick O ' Connor launched Crime Magazine in November of 1998 . Their goal was to cover all aspects of true crime : Read More

John Reginald Halliday Christie Serial Killer Reg Christie pinned one of his eight murders on the witless Timothy Evans before he was discovered to be the " Monster of 10 Rillington Place . " Evans 's execution by hanging - and his posthumous pardon - helped lead to the abolishment of the death penalty in Great Britain . by Mark Pulham When most people think of Notting Hill , there are a few things that first come to mind . One could be the Notting Hill carnival , a colorful event held every year by the West Indian community and , after Rio , the second largest street carnival in the world . Or it may be Portobello Road , home to the worlds largest Antiques Market , held every Saturday , and also the home to the Portobello Film Festival , where over 700 films have had their premiers . Rillington Place was a typical street in the area . Number 10 was a narrow , dreary , and depressing house at the end of a narrow , dreary , and depressing cul - de - sac . Built probably around 1869 , it was a grimy and cramped house that had been , like many others , split into three flats , one on each floor . At the beginning of 1948 , only two of the flats were occupied . In the ground floor flat lived the Christies , Reg and Ethel . Their flat consisted of a front living room , a back bedroom , and a kitchen , which included a pantry or cupboard . A passageway led from the front door of the house through to the back door , splitting the Christie 's kitchen from their other rooms . Outside , there was a small wash - house with a sink and a boiler , where the occupants could do small amounts of laundry . Also outside was the only lavatory , which everyone had to use . Access to both of these was through the passageway that separated the Christie 's kitchen from the rest of their flat . Even before he was born , he had lost someone . His father , Daniel , had walked out on his pregnant wife Thomasina and their daughter , 3 - year - old Eileen . Nothing was heard from Daniel again . Young Timothy had problems as a child . He would have unmanageable tantrums and had trouble learning to speak . He also had a low IQ and had great difficulty learning anything at school . To make matters worse , at the age of 8 , he suffered an injury to his right foot and he developed a tubular plantar wart . It never healed completely , and much of his time was spent at the hospital , which only added to his lack of education . Timothy 's older sister , Eileen , had found a place for them . It wasn 't too far away , just around the corner in Rillington Place . The young couple moved into number 10 . On October 10 , 1948 , at Queen Charlotte 's Maternity Hospital , Beryl gave birth to a baby daughter who they named Geraldine . Her arrival could not have helped . There was now less space in the small two roomed flat , and Timothy 's wages were barely enough to cover the two of them , let alone a baby as well . He told them that he had disposed of his wife . Her body had been put down a drain outside his home in London . The police took him to Merthyr Tydfil police station where Detective Sergeant Gough and Detective Constable Evans took a statement . According to Timothy , it had all been an accident . Beryl was anxious to have the second pregnancy terminated , but abortion was illegal in Britain at that time . Timothy told the police that he met a man in the pub who told him he had something that would do the trick . If Beryl took it , it would cause an abortion . The man gave him a bottle which contained some mixture for Beryl to drink . It took three of them to lift the manhole cover , a sign in itself that Evans was lying , there was no way a man of his short stature could have lifted the cover alone . They looked down the drain and could see that there was no body down there . In any case , the drain was too narrow for a body to fit . Evans had to be lying . The police at Merthyr Tydfil were informed that nothing was found , and they told Timothy . He was then questioned again . Timothy changed his story , saying he may as well tell them the truth . He now told them that Beryl had died when their ground floor neighbor , Reg Christie , had tried to give her an abortion . Reg said that the last time he saw Beryl Evans was on Tuesday , November 8 . It was around midday and he saw her go out with Geraldine . He said that she looked scared about something . That same night , around midnight , he and Ethel were woken up by noises coming from upstairs , thumping sounds , as if someone was moving stuff around . It couldn 't have been Mr . Kitchener , Reg explained , as he was in the hospital . It had to have come from Evans 's flat . As the noise didn 't last for very long , they thought no more about it , and both went back to sleep . The following day , Evans came down to see the Christies . He explained to them that he was upset with his boss at work and had quit his van driver job . According to Christie , he was going to move to Bristol to be with Beryl , and so he had decided to sell all of his furniture . Evans had also been around to see his mother , and to her , he told a different story . He told her that Beryl had gone , not to Bristol , but to Brighton , to see her father . This seemed odd to Timothy 's mother . She knew that Beryl and her father did not get along . Why would she go there ? The Notting Hill Police , their suspicions aroused , did a quick search of the house and the garden , but nothing much was found . The only thing of significance was a newspaper clipping found in the Evans 's flat . The clipping was about the recent Stanley Setty murder case . The month before , Setty 's neatly wrapped torso had been discovered in some marshes in Essex . Had Timothy Evans done the same with his wife ? A briefcase was also found in the Evans flat , and it turned out to be stolen . Informed of the briefcase , the Merthyr Tydfil police charged Evans with theft and he was to be returned to London . The theft charge allowed the police to hold him while the search for Beryl continued . On December 2 , the police returned to number 10 , and the search this time produced grisly results . They tried to get into the tiny wash - house at the back of the building , but the door had become stuck . Ethel found a piece of metal that could be used to pry the door open and gave it to the police . They forced the door open and looked inside . It was dark in the wash - house , but they could see that there was some wood stacked up against the sink . One of the officers felt behind the wood and could feel some sort of package . The wood was removed and they found what appeared to be a large parcel wrapped up in a green tablecloth . They turned to Ethel and asked her what it may be , and she told them she had never seen it before . The police pulled the package out and untied the cord that was holding the package together . No sooner was the package loosened when out slipped a pair of feet . Unwrapped , the package revealed the moldering corpse of Beryl Evans . She had been beaten and strangled . The bodies were taken to Kensington Mortuary where the Home Office pathologist conducted the post mortems . Bruising over the right eye and on the lip showed that Beryl had been hit , probably more than once , and then she had been strangled with cord or rope . There was no evidence that any attempt at an abortion had taken place , though there was some bruising inside the vagina , indicating there may have been an attempt at sex . Timothy Evans was returned to London . He believed he was going to be questioned about the stolen briefcase that had been found in his flat . However , when he arrived at the train station accompanied by police officers , there were photographers waiting to take pictures of him . It was clear to Evans that this was not about the briefcase . She was incurring one debt after another and I could not stand it any longer , so I strangled her with a piece of rope and took her down to the flat below the same night whilst the old man [ Mr . Kitchener ] was in hospital . I waited until the Christies downstairs had gone to bed , then I took her to the wash - house after midnight . This was on Tuesday 8 November . On Thursday evening after I came home from work I strangled my baby in our bedroom with my tie and later that night I took her down into the wash - house after the Christies had gone to bed . Later , Timothy Evans would make a longer confession that , according to the police , took 75 minutes to write and read back to him . This confession goes into greater detail about the murders . He told of how he got angry and how he hit Beryl , and then , in an uncontrollable fit of temper , he strangled her . He told of how he got her body downstairs and into the wash - house and used the wood to cover her body before locking the door . The trial of Timothy Evans began on January 11 , 1950 at the Old Bailey . Unlike the present day , in the 1950 's you could only be tried for one murder at a time . Mr . Christmas Humphries was the prosecutor , and he wanted to avoid the defense motive of provocation that the defense would surely put forth if the trial was for the murder of Beryl Evans . With Geraldine , there could be no such motive , and so , although the murder of Beryl would be included in the testimony , the trial was for the murder of his 13 - month old - daughter . The prosecution 's case was simple . Evans and Beryl were in a difficult relationship . Their marriage was under a great deal of strain , with little money coming in , a baby to feed and clothe , and now , a second baby on the way . Dr . Teare gave his evidence , and Christie was also called by the prosecution . With Christie , Morris thought he saw a way to help with the defense . He had discovered that Christie had some past criminal convictions and hoped that would at least discredit him as a witness . It didn 't work . It did the opposite . Christie , for all his past faults , had not been in any trouble for the past 17 years . The jury was impressed by this man and the fact that he had turned his life around to become a model citizen . Reg Christie was a war hero , having been gassed during the First World War , which had left him with his soft voice . He had also been a War reserve policeman during World War Two . But the evidence was all against him . Evans had described the murders in precise and accurate detail , because , the prosecution pointed out , he was the one who committed the murders . Only the killer would know the details so clearly . Morris pointed to the second confession given by Evans in which he implicated Christie . Morris hoped that it would confuse the issue and raise a reasonable doubt . But it was useless . Evans was a known liar , he was a known drunk , he was known to be violent , and he was known to have a short temper . He 'd admitted to the murders in more than one statement . The jury filed out of the courtroom for its deliberations , but was back within 40 minutes . The verdict , reached swiftly , was a foregone conclusion . Timothy John Evans was found guilty on the charge of murdering his 13 - month - old daughter . The sentence was death by hanging . Christie , still in the courtroom , burst into a flood of tears . Other news quickly replaced that rapidly dwindling interest in the killings . That same year , in July , Sainsbury 's opened the first purpose built supermarket , and in August , Princess Elizabeth gave birth to her second child , Princess Anne . In November , George Bernard Shaw died at the age of 94 . In addition to the top flat now being empty after the murders , the second floor flat was also vacant as Charles Kitchener had also moved out . Ethel Christie also wanted to move away , the new tenants scared her , and Reg had gone into a depression after the trial . Reg had also lost his job , thanks to some of the disclosures about his convictions that were revealed at the trial . By the end of 1952 , Reg was living alone . Reg had found a new job up in Sheffield , and Ethel had already left , having relatives there . Reg would join her later . Reg was desperate to move out and sold all of his furniture . He stayed in the unfurnished flat well into March 1953 , when he met a woman named Reilly . She told Christie that she was looking for a flat to rent , and Christie said that she could have his . She came round with her husband and had a look at the flat . They thought it would suit them , and Christie took three months rent in advance off them . Christie then borrowed a suitcase from them , put the last of his things in it , and left on March 20 , 1953 . The Reilly 's didn 't get much of a chance to settle in . The next day , the landlord came around and was surprised to find them there . He was angry ; Christie had no right to rent the place out as it wasn 't his . Beresford liked music while he worked , and so the first thing he wanted to do was put up a shelf so he had somewhere to put his radio . He began to tap on the walls to find a suitable spot , and one part of the wall sounded hollow . There had to be some sort of space behind the wall . At the edge , some of the wallpaper was coming away and he pulled on that . He found the door that led to the pantry or cupboard . He managed to get the door partly open , and then he grabbed his flashlight and looked through the crack in the door . What he saw made him reel back in horror . The beam from his flashlight had revealed a woman sitting there , her back toward him . She was semi - naked and obviously dead . Beresford called the police . Several officers arrived and the door to the pantry was opened . The woman sat with her back toward them , leaning forward . The police took her out and moved her to the front room for examination . She was wearing only a bra , a garter belt , and stockings . Her wrists had been bound together by a handkerchief tied in a reef knot , and some clothing had been wedged between her legs to act as a diaper to absorb seepage from her vagina and rectum . There was another object in the cupboard , wrapped in a blanket . The police removed it , and found that it was the body of a second woman . In the cupboard , she had been placed upside down on her head and leaned against the wall . The police were not finished yet . They removed a third body , like the second placed upside down in the cupboard . This victim had her ankles bound , this time with electrical cord , and once again , a reef knot was used . Also tied with a reef knot was the cloth used to cover her head . If the police felt relieved and thought that it was now over , that relief was short lived . Noticing that the floorboards in the living room were loose , the police took them up . There was some loose rubble underneath and , after a short dig , they found the remains of a fourth woman . Back at the mortuary , the post mortems began . The first body to be found was that of a brunette in her early to mid twenties . She had been dead for around four weeks , killed by a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and strangulation . It was determined that she had been suffering from the effects of the carbon monoxide gas when she was strangled with a smooth surfaced cord . There were scratch marks along her back which indicated that she had been dragged along the floor after she was dead . There were also indications that sexual intercourse had also taken place . The next body was also in her mid - twenties with light brown hair . She seemed to have been in good health when she died . She had a pinkish color to her , which indicated that she too had been poisoned with carbon monoxide gas . Like the first , she had also been strangled . She showed signs of heavy drinking on the day that she had died , and she had also had sexual intercourse , either just before or just after she had died . She was wearing a cardigan and a vest , and another vest had been placed between her legs to act as a diaper . She had been dead somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks . The third body , this time a blonde , was , like the first two , in her mid - twenties . Once more , the pinkness of the corpse indicated that she had been gassed before strangulation had taken place . This victim wore a dress , a petticoat , two vests , a bra , and a cardigan . Once more , there was a piece of cloth between the legs to act as a diaper . This victim was also six months pregnant . Once again , sexual intercourse seemed to have occurred either just before or just after death . When the fourth body arrived the next morning , it was clear that there was a significant difference between this one and the first three . First of all , she was older , somewhere in her mid fifties , a plump woman , with missing teeth . A flowered dress and a silk nightgown were wrapped around the body , and then wrapped once more in a flannel blanket . Her head had been covered by a pillowcase . It did not take long to identify the victims . The three younger victims turned out to be prostitutes that Christie had invited back to the flat . They were Rita Nelson , aged 25 , Kathleen Maloney , aged 26 , and Hectorina McLennan , also aged 26 . The older woman who was found under the floor was Ethel Christie . The search of Number 10 continued the next day . Among the things found was an old tobacco tin which , when opened , was found to contain four tufts of pubic hair . None of the pubic hair matched the victims . In the garden , more searchers discovered a human femur , in plain view , propping up the sagging back fence . More bones were discovered , along with some hair and some parts of a dress . By the time the search was completed , they had two more victims , though one of them was missing a head . Both were female . It wasn 't long before both of the victims were identified . Ruth Fuerst was 21 years old when she disappeared . A tall girl at five - foot - eight , she had left Austria in 1939 to come to London . She went missing on August 24 , 1943 . Muriel Eady worked at Ultra Radio Works in 1944 . One day , the 32 year old met a fellow worker in the canteen . His name was Reg Christie . She vanished in October of that year . She was last seen wearing a black wool dress , just like the scraps of a dress that was found in the garden . Some hair that was found also matched Muriel 's . Six bodies were found in total , and now the hunt was on for Christie . John Reginald Halliday Christie was born on April 8 , 1899 , in an isolated house known as " Black Boy " in Turner Lane , Shibden , a small village a few miles east of Halifax , Yorkshire . According to Christie himself , he had a very rosy childhood . He enjoyed school , was excellent at math , and was good at games , especially soccer . He loved animals , a love that lasted all of his life , and at one point , he was an assistant Scout master and a member of the local choir . Christie 's father , Ernest John Christie , was feared in his home . He was a severe and tyrannical man whose temper would explode on the slightest annoyance . Reg was scared of his father and his grandfather . At the age of 8 , Reg experienced death for the first time , when his hated grandfather died . The body was laid out in the house for visitors to come and pay their respects and , like the rest of the family , Reg viewed the body . It must have been a revelation to Reg , that this man , who scared him so badly while he was alive , now didn 't scare him at all in death . It is likely that this is the moment when Reg saw that the dead cannot hurt you , and this lasted into his adult life . Soon after , Reg began playing in the local cemetery where he liked to look at the graves . In June , 1918 , Christie was caught in a mustard gas attack , and spent a month in hospital . According to Christie , he was blinded by the gas for three months and unable to talk for three and a half years because of the attack . There is no evidence of his blindness , and although he may have been unable to speak for a short while , it was more likely due to a psychological reason , and not a physical one . Even so , it could not have been for the length of time that he claimed as just seven weeks later he was declared fit enough for active duty . During his time in the army , Christie became a frequent customer of prostitutes . He discovered that as he didn 't have to please them or prove his manhood , he was able to perform normally . However , they had to be compliant and unresponsive for him to achieve erection and penetration . After he left the army , he met Ethel Simpson Waddington , a very passive girl , which suited Christie . On May 10 , 1920 , they married at Halifax Registry Office . But Christie 's sexual problems remained , and during their courtship , they never had sex at all . Christie , instead , continued to use the services of prostitutes for his sexual needs . In January , 1923 , he found himself in trouble again . This time , he was convicted of obtaining money by false pretences and violent conduct . For this , he received a sentence of 12 months probation . The following year , 1924 , he got nine months hard labor for stealing goods and money . By this time , Ethel was fed up with her husbands petty stealing and inability to hold down a job . She left him and moved in with relatives . Christie moved down to London . By 1929 , Christie was living in Battersea , South London , with a prostitute , and once more , Christie found himself in trouble . In what was described by the judge as a " murderous attack , " Christie had clubbed the prostitute across the head with a cricket bat . Yet , despite the severity of the attack , Christie was only sentenced to six months hard labor . While in prison , Christie got in touch with Ethel and asked if she would visit him . Ethel was lonely , and dismissing the past , came to see him . After Christie was released from prison , Ethel and Christie decided to put the past behind them and reconcile . They moved back in together . In 1934 , Christie was hit by a car while he was out cycling . Taken to hospital , he had to have an operation on his knee . Once again , playing for sympathy , he exaggerated his injuries , stating that he was unconscious for more than an hour , a fact that is not mentioned in hospital records . Christie , for the first time in his life , was in a position of power , and he used it . His neighbors began to dislike this man who abused his position and acted like a bully . He even got himself a new nickname , " The Himmler of Rillington Place . " While he was at Harrow Road , Christie met a married woman whose husband was fighting overseas , and he began to see her in secret , although whether there was a sexual relationship is unknown . The relationship lasted until the middle of 1943 , when the husband returned home unexpectedly and caught them together . Christie took a beating from the husband , and this may have been the trigger that started the murders . In 1943 , most likely after his beating , Christie , still a War Reserve policeman , visited a snack bar in Ladbroke Grove . He was there , supposedly , on police business , though he was actually off duty at the time . While there , he caught the eye of a 21 - year - old Austrian girl named Ruth Fuerst , who worked at a munitions factory and lived not far from Rillington Place . There is some suggestion , likely correct , that Ruth supplemented her income by working as a prostitute part time . Christie struck up a conversation with her , and a relationship began . Soon , they were meeting regularly , and one day in August , Christie took Ruth back to 10 Rillington Place . Ethel was away visiting relatives in Sheffield and Christie had the flat to himself . According to Christie , he and Ruth were in the bedroom at 10 Rillington Place when suddenly , " She undressed and wanted me to have intercourse with her . I got a telegram while she was there , saying that my wife was on her way home . The girl wanted us to team up together and go right away somewhere together . I would not do that . I got on the bed and had intercourse with her . I strangled her with a piece of rope . " The next day , Ethel 's brother left , and Ethel went off to work , leaving Christie to carry on with the disposal of his first victim . After removing the floorboards , he dragged Ruth out to the wash - house in the back and hid the body there . Then he began to dig a grave for her in the garden . Before he had finished , Ethel came home , and they had a cup of tea together . That night , after Ethel had gone to bed , Christie stayed up and carried on with his grisly task . When the hole was deep enough , he went to the wash - house and dragged the body of Ruth Fuerst over to the grave and dropped her in , along with her clothes . He then filled the hole and went to bed . Christie would later admit that he felt a powerful thrill as he looked down at his first victim . The next day , Christie raked over the area where he had buried the body , and accidentally pulled up some of the clothing . This he put in an old dustbin that was used for burning rubbish . Some months later , Christie accidentally dug up Ruth 's skull . This went into the dustbin as well , where it would eventually be discovered during the police search . Muriel suffered from bronchial catarrh and had told Christie about it . Christie had always liked to give the impression he had some medical knowledge , a claim supported by the " medical " books that he owned , which were really nothing more than books he had picked up as a first aid worker . Some even believed that he was a doctor who had been struck off for some reason . Christie told Muriel that he could help with her problem , and he invited her around the Rillington Place for some treatment . It was October , 1944 , and Ethel was , once again , away visiting relatives in Sheffield , leaving Christie home alone . It was the opportunity he had been waiting for . He invited Muriel around and made her a cup of tea , and then showed her the device that he would use to cure her of her problems with catarrh . It was a fairly simple device . A square jar with a metal lid held the special inhalant that smelled of Friar 's Balsam . The lid had two holes in it , and through these holes were two tubes . One of the tubes went down into the liquid while the other end trailed off around the back of the deck chair that she was to sit in . The other tube did not go into the liquid , and the other end was attached to a home made mask that the user would breathe through . As Muriel breathed deeply , Christie reached behind the chair . The other end of the tubing that went into the liquid was attached to the coal gas pipe . Christie released the gas , and Muriel , unable to smell the poisonous carbon monoxide gas because of the Friar 's Balsam , quickly went limp as consciousness faded away . The sexually aroused Christie began to strangle Muriel as he penetrated her body . Soon he was finished , and Muriel was dead . Christie had cured her catarrh , and any other ailment she may have been suffering from . Once again , he dragged the body out to the wash - house where it remained while he dug another grave in the garden . Muriel was buried not too far from where Ruth Fuerst lay . When , some time later , Christie managed to dig up her femur by accident , he just used it to prop up the sagging fence . It is probable that Christie felt a desire for Beryl Evans right from the beginning , he just had to bide his time . Timothy Evans was impressed with his soft spoken neighbor , who was obviously educated beyond Evans 's capabilities , especially as he had medical knowledge , or so he hinted . Christie showed Timothy his " medical " books , and Evans would believe anything Christie said . Christie had to have realized that here was a man who could be manipulated and easily tricked . And when the time came , Christie struck . With a second baby on the way , Beryl wanted to have an abortion , and who better to turn to than their neighbor , a respectable former policeman with medical expertise . He would surely help . But when Timothy Evans found out about Beryl 's plan to get rid of the baby , he wanted no part of it , and he told Christie that they were not interested in getting an abortion . Christie , seeing an opportunity slip away , tried to persuade him that everything would be okay , but Timothy still refused . But Beryl was still insistent , and would go through with it . A short while later , Timothy discovered that money he had been giving to Beryl for housekeeping had been spent on other things , and a serious argument broke out . Timothy threatened to leave , and Beryl told him to go . Instead , he went to the movies . There were workmen in the house the next day . They had been coming since the end of October , working on the wash - house and the roof , and ripping out walls and floors where Christie felt there was a problem . Kitchener was away in the hospital , and apart from the workmen , Christie and Beryl were alone in the house . According to Christie , he came upstairs to Beryl sometime around midday . She had made preparations by spreading out a quilt in front of the fire . When Christie came in , Beryl lay down upon it . Christie is then unclear about what happened next . In one account , Beryl went into a panic and Christie started to hit her . He then pulled out a cord and strangled her . In one of his accounts he says that he tried to have intercourse with her , but he couldn 't , and in another account , he states that he did have intercourse with her . He also stated that a short while before , Beryl had tried to kill herself with gas , and he had found her lying on the floor in front of the fire with the gas on . He opened the door and the windows to get rid of the gas , then made her a cup of tea and comforted her . According to Christie , the next day she asked him to help her commit suicide , and " she said she would do anything … I think she was referring to letting me be intimate with her . " Once again , the death was not his fault , she wanted to die . All he did was help her . " I turned the gas tap on and as near as I can make out I held it close to her face . When she became unconscious I turned the tap off . I was going to try to have intercourse with her but it was impossible . I couldn 't bend over . I think that is when I strangled her . " Which of his accounts , if any , is the true one is not clear , though it is more likely that he attempted sex but couldn 't do it as he was suffering from back pains at the time , making some movement difficult . Joan Vincent was a friend of Beryl 's , and around this time , she paid a call on her . She was surprised to find that the door to Beryl 's flat was closed , something Beryl never did . Joan knocked on the door but there was no answer , which was also a surprise as Beryl was usually home at this time . Joan tried the door , which opened a little and then was blocked . Joan said later that although there was no sound , she was certain that there was someone on the other side of the door , blocking it from opening . If this is true , then Christie must have been in a panic , but managed to show coolness under pressure . When Timothy arrived home from work that evening , he found Christie waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs . He told Evans to go up , he would follow behind . When they reached the top floor , Christie told Timothy that it was bad news . The abortion procedure didn 't work , and Beryl had died . Christie led the distraught Timothy into the bedroom where , lying on the bed and covered with a blanket , was the body of his wife , Beryl . Timothy was distressed and vulnerable , and open to suggestion . Christie persuaded Timothy that going to the police would just cause trouble for the both of them . Would that be fair on Christie , as all he had done was try to help , and abortion was illegal . As for Timothy , the arguments and the violence would surely point the finger at him for the death of his wife . Christie 's persuasiveness worked , Timothy would agree to whatever Christie said . Christie told Timothy that he would dispose of the body . First , they would both move it down into Kitchener 's empty flat and put the body in the kitchen . Christie would need Timothy 's help with this as he was unable to lift her on his own because of his bad back . Christie then told Timothy that he would get rid of the body later by putting it down the drain outside . Evans would have to leave and so he agreed to stay with his mother . However , he would take Geraldine with him . Christie said this was a bad idea . It would cause too much suspicion . People would see him with Geraldine and begin to wonder where Beryl was . Christie said that he would think of something . Timothy stayed in the flat overnight , and by the next day , Christie had come up with a solution . Christie knew of a young couple who were childless and desperately wanted a baby . They would take Geraldine and Timothy would be assured that she was being looked after . Timothy was to let people know that Beryl had gone away with Geraldine for a holiday . Timothy prepared Geraldine 's things for her move to a new home , having been told by Christie that the couple would be arriving sometime that day to collect her . Joan Vincent returned later that day and she started up the stairs to see Beryl . Christie , seeing her , headed her off and asked what she wanted . When she said that she 'd come to visit Beryl , Christie told her that Beryl and Geraldine had gone away . However , Joan could see the baby furniture and the pram . Christie said it would be better if she did not come back . When the builders finished their work and had left the premises , Christie got both bodies downstairs and out to the back . Beryl and Geraldine , now neatly wrapped in blankets and tablecloths , were hidden in the wash - house and covered with the floorboards that had been left by the workmen . They stayed there until they were discovered by the police on December 2 . After the execution of Timothy Evans , things began to change at 10 Rillington Place . Christie , always a hypochondriac , had become worse . He felt that he was being persecuted , and his mental state caused him to be examined at the Springfield Mental Hospital for a short while , where he was found by Dr . Petit to be " an insignificant , old womanish city man . Girlish voice , mincing walk . Latent homosexual , though not overt . " By 1952 , Christie had quit his job and was now home all the time , and Ethel was not visiting her relatives in Sheffield as much as she did in the past . Christie was frustrated . He wanted to kill again , he had not murdered anyone since Beryl over three years before , and there was an obstacle in his way . Ethel . On the morning of December 14 , 1952 , Christie strangled Ethel as she lay in bed . According to Christie , " I was awakened at about 8 : 15 a . m . I think it was my wife moving about in bed . I sat up and saw that she appeared to be convulsive . Her face was blue and she was choking . I did what I could to try to restore her breathing , but it was hopeless . It appeared too late to call for assistance , that is when I couldn 't bear to see her , so I got a stocking and tied it around her neck to put her to sleep . " He added he had no idea what it was that were causing his wife to have convulsions , but as he got out of bed after her death , he " saw a small bottle and a cup half - full of water on a small table near the bed . I noticed that the bottle contained two pheno - barbitone tablets and it originally contained twenty - five . I knew then that she must have taken the remainder . " Ethel 's post mortem , however , showed no trace of pills in her stomach . He left her in bed for three days as he did not know what to do with her , but then remembered the loose floorboards in the living room , where Ruth Fuerst once spent the night . Christie also began sending out letters from Ethel to relatives that she had written but had not gotten around to mailing before she was killed . Christie changed the date on them to make it appear they were written later . In subsequent letters , he wrote them himself , explaining that Ethel 's rheumatism prevented her from writing and that she was dictating them to him . Christie had been unemployed since December 6 , and needed money . He sold Ethel 's wedding ring and her watch , and started to sell off the furniture . Each week , he went down to the Labour Exchange to collect unemployment benefits , and on January 26 , 1953 , he forged Ethel 's signature and went to the bank where he emptied her account . Sometime between January 2 and 19 , 1953 , Christie had a chance meeting with 25 - year - old Rita Nelson , a prostitute who was six months pregnant . It 's likely that she met Christie in a pub , and once again pretending to have medical knowledge , he persuaded Rita that he could abort the unwanted child . Rita came round to Rillington Place where , as he did with Muriel Eady , had Rita sit in a chair while he helped her put on the gas mask . Once unconscious , her fate was the same as the previous victims , pulled to the floor and raped as he strangled her to death . Christie 's version is different . I lived in the flat and one evening I went up Ladbroke Grove to get some fish and chips for the animals . I had a dog and a cat . On the way back , in Ladbroke Grove , a drunken woman stood in front of me and demanded a pound for me to take her round the corner . I said . ' I am not interested and I haven 't got money to throw away . ' I 'm not like that . I haven 't had intercourse with any women for over two years , my doctor will tell you that . He is Doctor Odess , Colville Square . She then demanded 30 shillings and said she would scream and say I had interfered with her if I didn 't give it to her . I walked away as I am so well known around there and she would have obviously caused a scene . She came along , she wouldn 't go and she came right to the door still demanding 30 shillings . When I opened the door she forced her way in . I went to the kitchen and she was still on about this 30 shillings . I tried to get her out and she picked up a frying pan to hit me . I closed with her and there was a struggle and she fell back on the chair . It was a deck chair . There was a piece of rope hanging from the chair . I don 't know what happened but I must have gone haywire . The next thing I remember she was lying in the chair with the rope round her neck . I don 't remember taking it off . It couldn 't have been tied . I left her there and went into the front room . After that I believe I had a cup of tea and went to bed . A few days after the death of Rita Nelson , Christie went into a café in Notting Hill . The café was crowded and Christie had to share a table with two young women . The two women were talking about their search for a suitable flat for accommodation . Christie gave his account of the meeting . I went into a café in Notting Hill for a cup of tea and a sandwich . The café was pretty full ; there wasn 't much space . Two girls sat at a table and I sat opposite at the same table . They were talking about rooms , where they had been looking to get accommodation . Then one of them spoke to me . She asked me for a cigarette and then started a conversation . During the conversation , I mentioned about leaving my flat and that it would be vacant very soon , and they suggested coming down together to see it in the evening . Only one came down . The one that came down was 26 - year - old Kathleen Maloney , a part time prostitute and nude model . How he got her to sit in the chair while he gassed her is unknown , but as her post mortem showed that she had been drinking heavily , it is likely that she was drunk enough for Christie to handle her with some ease and get the mask over her face . Once again , Christie 's version is self serving . She looked over the flat . She said it would be suitable subject to the landlord 's permission . It was then that she made suggestions that she would visit me for a few days . She said this so that I would use my influence with the landlord as a sort of payment of kind . I was rather annoyed and told her that it didn 't interest me . I think she started saying I was making accusations against her when she saw there was nothing doing . She said that she would bring someone down to me . I believe it was then that she mentioned something about Irish blood . She was in a violent temper . I remember she started fighting . I am very quiet and avoid fighting . I know there was something , it 's in the back of my mind . She was on the floor . I must have put her in the alcove straight away . Hectorina McLennan was Christie 's final victim . On March 3 , the 26 year old was leaving a café with her boyfriend , a man named Baker , when they bumped into Christie . As Baker crossed over the road to chat with a friend , Christie struck up a conversation with Hectorina . During the conversation , she told Christie that she and Baker had just been evicted from their flat and were looking for somewhere else to stay . Christie , no doubt seeing an opportunity , offered them both accommodations at his home for a few days until they could find somewhere more suitable . The girl came back alone . She asked if he had called and I said ' No ' , but I was expecting him . She said she would wait , but I told her she couldn 't and that he may be looking for her , and that she must go and that she couldn 't stay there alone . She was very funny about it . I got hold of her arm and tried to lead her out . I pushed her out of the kitchen . She started struggling like anything and some of her clothing got torn . She then sort of fell limp as I got hold of her . She sank to the ground and I think that some of her clothing must have got caught around her neck in the struggle . She was just out of the kitchen in the passageway . I tried to lift her up but couldn 't . I then pulled her into the kitchen on to a chair . I felt her pulse , but it wasn 't beating . I pulled the cupboard away again and I must have put her in there . The Hunt for the Monster of Rillington Place Christie went to a Rowton House , a hostel for working men , in Kings Cross , where he paid for lodging for seven days , using his real name . But when the news of what had been discovered at Rillington Place hit the headlines , Christie left . For the rest of the time , he wandered around London , sleeping rough and spending most of his time in cafés and movie theatres . Norman Rae was the chief crime reporter for the News Of The World newspaper , and he remembered the Evans case very well , having covered it for the newspaper three years earlier . As with all of the newspapers , the News Of The World was considering the Evans 's side of the story , and Rae was about to become personally involved . It was late at night on March 29 when Rae 's telephone rang at the News Of The World office . Rae picked it up . On the other end , a whispery voice asked Rae if he remembered him . Rae remembered him very well ; he had interviewed Christie three years earlier when he covered the Evans killings . Christie wanted to give Rae an exclusive , and offered to meet a few hours later outside Wood Green Town Hall . Rae said that he would be there . Rae , along with a driver , got over to Wood Green and waited in the darkened car for Christie to show . Soon , there was movement , and Christie appeared in the shadows . On the last day of March , Christie was on the bank of the Thames at Putney Embankment , leaning over the railing and looking at the river . A police constable named Thomas Ledger walked past and thought the man looked suspicious . Ledger stopped and asked the man his name . " John Waddington " replied the man , and said he was 35 years old and was waiting to get his unemployment cards . Ledger asked the man to remove his hat . Once Ledger got a good look at him , with his bald head and his whispering voice , he knew who stood in front of him . Ledger arrested him and took him to Putney Police Station in a police van that happened to be passing at the right moment . Realizing that the pretense would do no good , " John Waddington " gave his real name . John Reginald Halliday Christie , the monster of Rillington Place , had been captured . Over the following few months , Christie would confess to his crimes on three separate occasions . His confessions , though essentially true in that he was the murderer , were designed to show him in the best light , and his explanations as to how and why the killings took place were self serving . Facts were altered , some details were exaggerated , and some details were conveniently forgotten . He gave an account of his life to the Sunday Pictorial newspaper in which he claimed that a powerful and mysterious force that he couldn 't control made him commit the murders . He tried to present himself as someone who was forced to kill his victims by the victims themselves . Ruth asked for it by stripping off and demanding sex . Beryl wanted to commit suicide , all he did was help . His last three victims were violent and the deaths were self defense . Even Ethel 's death was a mercy killing . The truth was that Ethel was in the way , and Christie wanted to pursue his murderous hobby . It also may have been that Ethel had put two and two together , and was beginning to suspect that he may have had a hand in the death of Beryl Evans . Muriel Eady was the only one of his victims that he didn 't blame for her own death . And he never admitted , not officially anyway , that he was responsible for the death of Geraldine Evans . But he couldn 't , not if his defense plan was going to work . With all of his victims , it was their own fault , or , in the case of Ethel , it was a mercy killing . The prostitutes provoked him with their overt sexual attempts or their violent attacks on him , and Beryl wanted to die anyway . None of these excuses could be placed on a 13 - month - old little girl . The truth was that Geraldine was murdered simply to get rid of a problem . If Beryl and Geraldine disappeared , then it could be assumed that they had just left , with Beryl fed up with Timothy and taking the baby with her . If Timothy and Geraldine were together , then people would start asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Beryl , and the truth could come out . The trail could have led back to Christie . So Geraldine had to go . The facts as stated by the prosecution showed a man who was devious , who tried to conceal the murder of his wife by hiding the body underneath the floorboards , who tried to convince others through forged letters that she was still alive . This was a man who had forged his wife 's signature in order to obtain the contents of her bank account by deceit , and then forged her signature to a receipt to say that she had received it . This man had told people that she was with her relatives in Sheffield , and he had told the person to whom he sold the furniture that she had gone away and that he was joining her later . The defense chose to bring into evidence the other killings , which may prove that he was insane . The defense maintained that although Christie knew what he was doing , he did not know that it was wrong . Christie was called on to testify , and throughout his story , he would mumble , or refuse to speak , and answered many of the questions with , " I don 't know " or " I cannot remember . " The prosecution called its psychiatrist for the rebuttal . In his opinion , Christie knew that what he was doing was wrong , he just didn 't care . A second psychiatrist told the court that the " falsification of memory " in which he cannot remember specific details of the murders , which the defense put forth as further proof of insanity , were merely Christie 's attempts to deliberately hide the truth . His lapses of memory were only apparent when it was convenient for him not to remember something that was damning , but his memory appeared to be perfectly sound when he was remembering anything that was of benefit to his defense . The defense had a weak case . It tried to convince the jury that the murder of Ethel Christie was completely motiveless , and only a madman would kill for no reason . Yet a reason had come up . The motive for the murder of Ethel Christie was a by - product of lust . Christie needed Ethel out of the way to continue his lustful killings of the other women . On July 15 , just 20 days after the judge read the sentence , Christie faced the noose at Pentonville Prison , the same noose that Timothy Evans faced just over three years before . With his arms bound , Christie complained that his nose was itchy . The hangman , Albert Pierrepoint reassured Christie , " It won 't bother you for long . " Did Christie kill more than eight people ? It seems likely that these were not his only victims . As a wartime policeman , there would be many opportunities to kill and get rid of the body in a bombed building . The four clumps of pubic hair that didn 't belong to any known victims would point to there being others . And the gaps between killings are long , which is also unusual . But these are questions that can never be answered . For the residents of Rillington Place , life became a nightmare . Sightseers flocked to see the infamous house , crowding the already narrow cul - de - sac . Mrs . Sarah McFadden , the resident at number 3 , organized a petition , which was signed by 83 residents , asking for a change to the street name . It was presented to the council on May 19 , 1953 . Although the council felt that the name change would make no difference to the sightseers , the name was finally changed in May the following year , to Ruston Close . As the council suspected , it didn 't stop the sightseers . But there was a problem , the police had not done their job . The fact was the police investigation into the deaths of Beryl and Geraldine was a mess . When Evans told the police in Wales that he had disposed of his wife , they were certain that he was responsible . The fact that it took three men to lift the cover on the drain showed that Evans was a liar . The police , believing that they had their man , were determined that he should not escape justice . Evans , after being told that his wife 's body was not where he told them it would be , told them that Christie did it . The police decided that this was just to shift the blame . They may have been right , but they should still have checked Christie 's background , just to be on the safe side . If they had , Christie past convictions , including one for the " murderous attack " on a woman , would have come to light , and Christie would not have been regarded as the decent and upstanding citizen that he pretended to be . But beyond that , there were other aspects of the " investigation " that were , at best , criminally negligent . While searching for Beryl 's body in the garden , the police failed to notice a human thigh bone propping up the sagging fence , even though the garden was , supposedly , examined . Some other bones were visible , thanks to Christie 's dog having dug them up . Shortly after the police search , the dog pulled up the skull of Muriel Eady . Christie slipped it under his coat and walked past the policemen waiting outside the house and threw it into a bombed out house in St . Mark 's Road , where it was discovered shortly after . It was handed in to the police , who decided it was a bomb victim . Why did they not question the fact that the house had been bombed eight or nine years before , but the skull only discovered now ? Why did they not consider it to be too much of a coincidence that they find a skull at the same time as they are looking for a body just around the corner ? It defied explanation . The discovery of the clipping concerning the Stanley Setty murder told the police that Evans was going to get rid of the bodies in the same manner . Why would he have a clipping otherwise . The problem was , why would he have a clipping at all , he couldn 't read , it would have been indecipherable to him . But Christie was known to be an avid clipper . The bodies of Beryl and Geraldine were found in the wash - house on December 2 , and had been dead for three weeks . That , according to the police thinking , is where Evans left them . But the workmen who had been doing work there since October had been using the wash - house to store their tools , and the bodies were certainly not there during that time . The workmen had only finished using the wash - house the day before the bodies were discovered . The workmen also stated that the wood that was used to cover the bodies was from floorboards that had been taken up after Evans had left , and the wood had been given to Christie . With this evidence , the guilt of Timothy Evans should have been , at the very least , questioned . He couldn 't have moved the bodies to the wash - house the day before ; he was already in police custody . But the confessions were proof that Evans committed the murders . They were very detailed and accurate , he knew where the bodies were , he knew how they had been killed , and he knew what they were wearing . How could he know so much detail if he was not the killer . The fact was that all of these details were already known to the police , and the police coached Evans in what to say during the confession . Evans was fearful of the police , there had been hints of violence if he didn 't come clean , and with this threat over him Evans was scared that he would be hurt . As they fed him the details of the murders , he agreed that it was so , and after a long night of interrogation ( and not the 75 minutes that the police stated it took ) , Evans had confessed to a murder that he didn 't commit in details that should have been known only to the killer . But the workmen who were at 10 Rillington Place were never called . In addition , the police re - interviewed the workmen , and managed to get some of them at least to change their story to fit in with the theory that Evans killed his family . According to one source , they even produced a photograph of a dead baby ( not connected to the case ) to manipulate the workers emotionally . In his summing up , the judge presented the jury with two options . Either Dr . Teare , the pathologist was lying about the post mortem results , or Evans was lying . He pointed out that Evans had a reputation and a record as a habitual liar , and pointed out the luminous reputation of Christie . The newspaper cutting about the Setty murder was referred to in the inquiry , showing that Evans probably planned to dispose of the bodies in the same manner . The fact that Evans was illiterate and couldn 't read , and that Christie was known to be an avid newspaper clipper , was also dismissed . Other evidence that would have pointed to Evans being innocent of the charge was also ignored . In Parliament , the report was viciously attacked . Geoffrey Bing , QC , the MP for Hornchurch delivered what , at the time , was called by Michael Foot , " one of the most formidable which has been delivered in this house for many years . " Bing stated , " The whole of the report was shot through with prejudice and evidence of all sorts of irregularities . " Michael Foot said it was not worth the paper it had been written on , and Reginald Paget said that it deliberately concealed the truth and was dishonest . One man stood up and gave his support to a growing campaign for justice for Timothy Evans . He was James Chuter Ede , later Baron Chuter - Ede , who in 1950 was the Home Secretary at the time of Evans ' execution . He concluded that a terrible mistake had been made . In 1955 , The Man on Your Conscience was published . Written by Michael Eddowes , it was the first important book on the case , and generated a renewed interest . Four influential editors , Ian Gilmour of The Spectator , John Grigg of The National and English Review , Sir Lynton Andrews of The Yorkshire Post , and David Astor of The Observer petitioned the Home secretary for a new inquiry . It was denied . Kennedy also stressed the evidence given by Dr . Teare that there were signs of sexual penetration of Beryl 's body , suggesting the murderer was sexually aroused by the act of killing , and possibly a necrophiliac . This evidence was suppressed by Evans 's own defense . Had this come up in court , it would have removed some suspicion from Evans who may have been short tempered and violent , but was certainly not a necrophiliac , and would not have had sex with his wife 's body . By now , Britain had a new Home Secretary , R . A . Butler . The campaigners , including Labour MP Sir Frank Soskice , asked for a new inquiry , and Butler said that he would examine the evidence that was presented in the book . Just over seven weeks later , Butler made his decision . No inquiry . With the Governments reversed , Labour , after years of vociferous campaigning for the inquiry , took on the former Governments position and was now refusing it . The Conservative 's , in their turn , took up Labour 's former stance , and were now pushing for an inquiry . " I do not think that an inquiry would serve any useful purpose at this stage . I think it would be kinder not to express views one way or the other . " said Soskice . Herbert Wolfe was a German refugee living in Darlington , who had arrived in Britain in 1933 to escape what was happening in his own country . To him , the concept of British justice was precious and something that should not be taken for granted . He had read Kennedy 's book and , convinced of the innocence of Timothy Evans , wrote an article that he sent to the editor of his local paper , The Northern Echo . Darlington is far from London , and the local paper could hardly have any influence on the Government . But the editor happened to be Harold Evans , an exceptional journalist who would go on to become editor of The Sunday Times and is now editor at large for Reuters . He said , " After receiving Wolfe 's article , I got hold of Kennedy 's book . I read it on the train to London , and became so angry I wanted to pull the communication cord . I thought , this is an outrage ; something must be done about it . " Every day , for months , Evans published something about the case . He produced pamphlets , while Wolfe ceaselessly telephoned people about the case . On July 28 , 1965 , with Ludovic Kennedy as its chairman , the Timothy Evans committee was formed . With the press coverage that was generated , Evans pressed the Prime Minister Harold Wilson , who capitulated and promised that the Government would do something . The conclusion was bizarre . Christie , the report decided , did kill Geraldine Evans , but Timothy killed Beryl . Despite this astonishing conclusion , the report did agree that a jury could not have convicted Evans on any murder if all of the available evidence had been presented in court . Mary Westlake , Evans ' half - sister , and his sister Eileen Ashby , were awarded payment as compensation for their brothers ' miscarriage of justice , in January 2003 . Lord Brennan , the independent assessor for the Home Office , stated that " the conviction and execution of Timothy Evans for the murder of his child was wrongful and a miscarriage of justice . " He went on to add , " there is no evidence to implicate Timothy Evans in the murder of his wife . She was most probably murdered by Christie . " Brennan believed that Brabin 's conclusion that Evans murdered Beryl should be rejected . The following year , on November 16 , Mary Westlake appealed to the High Court . She wanted them to overturn a decision made by the Criminal Cases Review Commission not to refer Evans 's case to the Court of Appeal . Her argument was that though he had been pardoned , it had not formally erased his conviction for murder . The Evans Case Helps Fire the Anti - Death Penalty Movement in Great Britain Although the case of Timothy Evans was a boost to those who were opposed to capital punishment , it wasn 't the only one to have an impact , and it wasn 't , as some have thought , one of the cases that started the abolition campaign . The truth is that the abolition question had been around for several decades . However there is no doubt that the Evans case was of major importance for those wishing to end the practice . Capital punishment was suspended as a five year experiment , and became permanent in 1969 . But this was only for murder . Until 1971 , the death penalty remained for causing a fire or explosion in a naval dockyard , and remained until 1981 for espionage . Piracy that included violence was still a hanging crime until 1998 , as was treason and various offenses within the military . AboutWith the purpose of writing about true crime in an authoritative , fact - based manner , veteran journalists J . J . Maloney and J . Patrick O ' Connor launched Crime Magazine in November of 1998 . Their goal was to cover all aspects of true crime : Read More

John Reginald Halliday Christie Serial Killer Reg Christie pinned one of his eight murders on the witless Timothy Evans before he was discovered to be the " Monster of 10 Rillington Place . " Evans 's execution by hanging - and his posthumous pardon - helped lead to the abolishment of the death penalty in Great Britain . by Mark Pulham When most people think of Notting Hill , there are a few things that first come to mind . One could be the Notting Hill carnival , a colorful event held every year by the West Indian community and , after Rio , the second largest street carnival in the world . Or it may be Portobello Road , home to the worlds largest Antiques Market , held every Saturday , and also the home to the Portobello Film Festival , where over 700 films have had their premiers . Rillington Place was a typical street in the area . Number 10 was a narrow , dreary , and depressing house at the end of a narrow , dreary , and depressing cul - de - sac . Built probably around 1869 , it was a grimy and cramped house that had been , like many others , split into three flats , one on each floor . At the beginning of 1948 , only two of the flats were occupied . In the ground floor flat lived the Christies , Reg and Ethel . Their flat consisted of a front living room , a back bedroom , and a kitchen , which included a pantry or cupboard . A passageway led from the front door of the house through to the back door , splitting the Christie 's kitchen from their other rooms . Outside , there was a small wash - house with a sink and a boiler , where the occupants could do small amounts of laundry . Also outside was the only lavatory , which everyone had to use . Access to both of these was through the passageway that separated the Christie 's kitchen from the rest of their flat . Even before he was born , he had lost someone . His father , Daniel , had walked out on his pregnant wife Thomasina and their daughter , 3 - year - old Eileen . Nothing was heard from Daniel again . Young Timothy had problems as a child . He would have unmanageable tantrums and had trouble learning to speak . He also had a low IQ and had great difficulty learning anything at school . To make matters worse , at the age of 8 , he suffered an injury to his right foot and he developed a tubular plantar wart . It never healed completely , and much of his time was spent at the hospital , which only added to his lack of education . Timothy 's older sister , Eileen , had found a place for them . It wasn 't too far away , just around the corner in Rillington Place . The young couple moved into number 10 . On October 10 , 1948 , at Queen Charlotte 's Maternity Hospital , Beryl gave birth to a baby daughter who they named Geraldine . Her arrival could not have helped . There was now less space in the small two roomed flat , and Timothy 's wages were barely enough to cover the two of them , let alone a baby as well . He told them that he had disposed of his wife . Her body had been put down a drain outside his home in London . The police took him to Merthyr Tydfil police station where Detective Sergeant Gough and Detective Constable Evans took a statement . According to Timothy , it had all been an accident . Beryl was anxious to have the second pregnancy terminated , but abortion was illegal in Britain at that time . Timothy told the police that he met a man in the pub who told him he had something that would do the trick . If Beryl took it , it would cause an abortion . The man gave him a bottle which contained some mixture for Beryl to drink . It took three of them to lift the manhole cover , a sign in itself that Evans was lying , there was no way a man of his short stature could have lifted the cover alone . They looked down the drain and could see that there was no body down there . In any case , the drain was too narrow for a body to fit . Evans had to be lying . The police at Merthyr Tydfil were informed that nothing was found , and they told Timothy . He was then questioned again . Timothy changed his story , saying he may as well tell them the truth . He now told them that Beryl had died when their ground floor neighbor , Reg Christie , had tried to give her an abortion . Reg said that the last time he saw Beryl Evans was on Tuesday , November 8 . It was around midday and he saw her go out with Geraldine . He said that she looked scared about something . That same night , around midnight , he and Ethel were woken up by noises coming from upstairs , thumping sounds , as if someone was moving stuff around . It couldn 't have been Mr . Kitchener , Reg explained , as he was in the hospital . It had to have come from Evans 's flat . As the noise didn 't last for very long , they thought no more about it , and both went back to sleep . The following day , Evans came down to see the Christies . He explained to them that he was upset with his boss at work and had quit his van driver job . According to Christie , he was going to move to Bristol to be with Beryl , and so he had decided to sell all of his furniture . Evans had also been around to see his mother , and to her , he told a different story . He told her that Beryl had gone , not to Bristol , but to Brighton , to see her father . This seemed odd to Timothy 's mother . She knew that Beryl and her father did not get along . Why would she go there ? The Notting Hill Police , their suspicions aroused , did a quick search of the house and the garden , but nothing much was found . The only thing of significance was a newspaper clipping found in the Evans 's flat . The clipping was about the recent Stanley Setty murder case . The month before , Setty 's neatly wrapped torso had been discovered in some marshes in Essex . Had Timothy Evans done the same with his wife ? A briefcase was also found in the Evans flat , and it turned out to be stolen . Informed of the briefcase , the Merthyr Tydfil police charged Evans with theft and he was to be returned to London . The theft charge allowed the police to hold him while the search for Beryl continued . On December 2 , the police returned to number 10 , and the search this time produced grisly results . They tried to get into the tiny wash - house at the back of the building , but the door had become stuck . Ethel found a piece of metal that could be used to pry the door open and gave it to the police . They forced the door open and looked inside . It was dark in the wash - house , but they could see that there was some wood stacked up against the sink . One of the officers felt behind the wood and could feel some sort of package . The wood was removed and they found what appeared to be a large parcel wrapped up in a green tablecloth . They turned to Ethel and asked her what it may be , and she told them she had never seen it before . The police pulled the package out and untied the cord that was holding the package together . No sooner was the package loosened when out slipped a pair of feet . Unwrapped , the package revealed the moldering corpse of Beryl Evans . She had been beaten and strangled . The bodies were taken to Kensington Mortuary where the Home Office pathologist conducted the post mortems . Bruising over the right eye and on the lip showed that Beryl had been hit , probably more than once , and then she had been strangled with cord or rope . There was no evidence that any attempt at an abortion had taken place , though there was some bruising inside the vagina , indicating there may have been an attempt at sex . Timothy Evans was returned to London . He believed he was going to be questioned about the stolen briefcase that had been found in his flat . However , when he arrived at the train station accompanied by police officers , there were photographers waiting to take pictures of him . It was clear to Evans that this was not about the briefcase . She was incurring one debt after another and I could not stand it any longer , so I strangled her with a piece of rope and took her down to the flat below the same night whilst the old man [ Mr . Kitchener ] was in hospital . I waited until the Christies downstairs had gone to bed , then I took her to the wash - house after midnight . This was on Tuesday 8 November . On Thursday evening after I came home from work I strangled my baby in our bedroom with my tie and later that night I took her down into the wash - house after the Christies had gone to bed . Later , Timothy Evans would make a longer confession that , according to the police , took 75 minutes to write and read back to him . This confession goes into greater detail about the murders . He told of how he got angry and how he hit Beryl , and then , in an uncontrollable fit of temper , he strangled her . He told of how he got her body downstairs and into the wash - house and used the wood to cover her body before locking the door . The trial of Timothy Evans began on January 11 , 1950 at the Old Bailey . Unlike the present day , in the 1950 's you could only be tried for one murder at a time . Mr . Christmas Humphries was the prosecutor , and he wanted to avoid the defense motive of provocation that the defense would surely put forth if the trial was for the murder of Beryl Evans . With Geraldine , there could be no such motive , and so , although the murder of Beryl would be included in the testimony , the trial was for the murder of his 13 - month old - daughter . The prosecution 's case was simple . Evans and Beryl were in a difficult relationship . Their marriage was under a great deal of strain , with little money coming in , a baby to feed and clothe , and now , a second baby on the way . Dr . Teare gave his evidence , and Christie was also called by the prosecution . With Christie , Morris thought he saw a way to help with the defense . He had discovered that Christie had some past criminal convictions and hoped that would at least discredit him as a witness . It didn 't work . It did the opposite . Christie , for all his past faults , had not been in any trouble for the past 17 years . The jury was impressed by this man and the fact that he had turned his life around to become a model citizen . Reg Christie was a war hero , having been gassed during the First World War , which had left him with his soft voice . He had also been a War reserve policeman during World War Two . But the evidence was all against him . Evans had described the murders in precise and accurate detail , because , the prosecution pointed out , he was the one who committed the murders . Only the killer would know the details so clearly . Morris pointed to the second confession given by Evans in which he implicated Christie . Morris hoped that it would confuse the issue and raise a reasonable doubt . But it was useless . Evans was a known liar , he was a known drunk , he was known to be violent , and he was known to have a short temper . He 'd admitted to the murders in more than one statement . The jury filed out of the courtroom for its deliberations , but was back within 40 minutes . The verdict , reached swiftly , was a foregone conclusion . Timothy John Evans was found guilty on the charge of murdering his 13 - month - old daughter . The sentence was death by hanging . Christie , still in the courtroom , burst into a flood of tears . Other news quickly replaced that rapidly dwindling interest in the killings . That same year , in July , Sainsbury 's opened the first purpose built supermarket , and in August , Princess Elizabeth gave birth to her second child , Princess Anne . In November , George Bernard Shaw died at the age of 94 . In addition to the top flat now being empty after the murders , the second floor flat was also vacant as Charles Kitchener had also moved out . Ethel Christie also wanted to move away , the new tenants scared her , and Reg had gone into a depression after the trial . Reg had also lost his job , thanks to some of the disclosures about his convictions that were revealed at the trial . By the end of 1952 , Reg was living alone . Reg had found a new job up in Sheffield , and Ethel had already left , having relatives there . Reg would join her later . Reg was desperate to move out and sold all of his furniture . He stayed in the unfurnished flat well into March 1953 , when he met a woman named Reilly . She told Christie that she was looking for a flat to rent , and Christie said that she could have his . She came round with her husband and had a look at the flat . They thought it would suit them , and Christie took three months rent in advance off them . Christie then borrowed a suitcase from them , put the last of his things in it , and left on March 20 , 1953 . The Reilly 's didn 't get much of a chance to settle in . The next day , the landlord came around and was surprised to find them there . He was angry ; Christie had no right to rent the place out as it wasn 't his . Beresford liked music while he worked , and so the first thing he wanted to do was put up a shelf so he had somewhere to put his radio . He began to tap on the walls to find a suitable spot , and one part of the wall sounded hollow . There had to be some sort of space behind the wall . At the edge , some of the wallpaper was coming away and he pulled on that . He found the door that led to the pantry or cupboard . He managed to get the door partly open , and then he grabbed his flashlight and looked through the crack in the door . What he saw made him reel back in horror . The beam from his flashlight had revealed a woman sitting there , her back toward him . She was semi - naked and obviously dead . Beresford called the police . Several officers arrived and the door to the pantry was opened . The woman sat with her back toward them , leaning forward . The police took her out and moved her to the front room for examination . She was wearing only a bra , a garter belt , and stockings . Her wrists had been bound together by a handkerchief tied in a reef knot , and some clothing had been wedged between her legs to act as a diaper to absorb seepage from her vagina and rectum . There was another object in the cupboard , wrapped in a blanket . The police removed it , and found that it was the body of a second woman . In the cupboard , she had been placed upside down on her head and leaned against the wall . The police were not finished yet . They removed a third body , like the second placed upside down in the cupboard . This victim had her ankles bound , this time with electrical cord , and once again , a reef knot was used . Also tied with a reef knot was the cloth used to cover her head . If the police felt relieved and thought that it was now over , that relief was short lived . Noticing that the floorboards in the living room were loose , the police took them up . There was some loose rubble underneath and , after a short dig , they found the remains of a fourth woman . Back at the mortuary , the post mortems began . The first body to be found was that of a brunette in her early to mid twenties . She had been dead for around four weeks , killed by a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and strangulation . It was determined that she had been suffering from the effects of the carbon monoxide gas when she was strangled with a smooth surfaced cord . There were scratch marks along her back which indicated that she had been dragged along the floor after she was dead . There were also indications that sexual intercourse had also taken place . The next body was also in her mid - twenties with light brown hair . She seemed to have been in good health when she died . She had a pinkish color to her , which indicated that she too had been poisoned with carbon monoxide gas . Like the first , she had also been strangled . She showed signs of heavy drinking on the day that she had died , and she had also had sexual intercourse , either just before or just after she had died . She was wearing a cardigan and a vest , and another vest had been placed between her legs to act as a diaper . She had been dead somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks . The third body , this time a blonde , was , like the first two , in her mid - twenties . Once more , the pinkness of the corpse indicated that she had been gassed before strangulation had taken place . This victim wore a dress , a petticoat , two vests , a bra , and a cardigan . Once more , there was a piece of cloth between the legs to act as a diaper . This victim was also six months pregnant . Once again , sexual intercourse seemed to have occurred either just before or just after death . When the fourth body arrived the next morning , it was clear that there was a significant difference between this one and the first three . First of all , she was older , somewhere in her mid fifties , a plump woman , with missing teeth . A flowered dress and a silk nightgown were wrapped around the body , and then wrapped once more in a flannel blanket . Her head had been covered by a pillowcase . It did not take long to identify the victims . The three younger victims turned out to be prostitutes that Christie had invited back to the flat . They were Rita Nelson , aged 25 , Kathleen Maloney , aged 26 , and Hectorina McLennan , also aged 26 . The older woman who was found under the floor was Ethel Christie . The search of Number 10 continued the next day . Among the things found was an old tobacco tin which , when opened , was found to contain four tufts of pubic hair . None of the pubic hair matched the victims . In the garden , more searchers discovered a human femur , in plain view , propping up the sagging back fence . More bones were discovered , along with some hair and some parts of a dress . By the time the search was completed , they had two more victims , though one of them was missing a head . Both were female . It wasn 't long before both of the victims were identified . Ruth Fuerst was 21 years old when she disappeared . A tall girl at five - foot - eight , she had left Austria in 1939 to come to London . She went missing on August 24 , 1943 . Muriel Eady worked at Ultra Radio Works in 1944 . One day , the 32 year old met a fellow worker in the canteen . His name was Reg Christie . She vanished in October of that year . She was last seen wearing a black wool dress , just like the scraps of a dress that was found in the garden . Some hair that was found also matched Muriel 's . Six bodies were found in total , and now the hunt was on for Christie . John Reginald Halliday Christie was born on April 8 , 1899 , in an isolated house known as " Black Boy " in Turner Lane , Shibden , a small village a few miles east of Halifax , Yorkshire . According to Christie himself , he had a very rosy childhood . He enjoyed school , was excellent at math , and was good at games , especially soccer . He loved animals , a love that lasted all of his life , and at one point , he was an assistant Scout master and a member of the local choir . Christie 's father , Ernest John Christie , was feared in his home . He was a severe and tyrannical man whose temper would explode on the slightest annoyance . Reg was scared of his father and his grandfather . At the age of 8 , Reg experienced death for the first time , when his hated grandfather died . The body was laid out in the house for visitors to come and pay their respects and , like the rest of the family , Reg viewed the body . It must have been a revelation to Reg , that this man , who scared him so badly while he was alive , now didn 't scare him at all in death . It is likely that this is the moment when Reg saw that the dead cannot hurt you , and this lasted into his adult life . Soon after , Reg began playing in the local cemetery where he liked to look at the graves . In June , 1918 , Christie was caught in a mustard gas attack , and spent a month in hospital . According to Christie , he was blinded by the gas for three months and unable to talk for three and a half years because of the attack . There is no evidence of his blindness , and although he may have been unable to speak for a short while , it was more likely due to a psychological reason , and not a physical one . Even so , it could not have been for the length of time that he claimed as just seven weeks later he was declared fit enough for active duty . During his time in the army , Christie became a frequent customer of prostitutes . He discovered that as he didn 't have to please them or prove his manhood , he was able to perform normally . However , they had to be compliant and unresponsive for him to achieve erection and penetration . After he left the army , he met Ethel Simpson Waddington , a very passive girl , which suited Christie . On May 10 , 1920 , they married at Halifax Registry Office . But Christie 's sexual problems remained , and during their courtship , they never had sex at all . Christie , instead , continued to use the services of prostitutes for his sexual needs . In January , 1923 , he found himself in trouble again . This time , he was convicted of obtaining money by false pretences and violent conduct . For this , he received a sentence of 12 months probation . The following year , 1924 , he got nine months hard labor for stealing goods and money . By this time , Ethel was fed up with her husbands petty stealing and inability to hold down a job . She left him and moved in with relatives . Christie moved down to London . By 1929 , Christie was living in Battersea , South London , with a prostitute , and once more , Christie found himself in trouble . In what was described by the judge as a " murderous attack , " Christie had clubbed the prostitute across the head with a cricket bat . Yet , despite the severity of the attack , Christie was only sentenced to six months hard labor . While in prison , Christie got in touch with Ethel and asked if she would visit him . Ethel was lonely , and dismissing the past , came to see him . After Christie was released from prison , Ethel and Christie decided to put the past behind them and reconcile . They moved back in together . In 1934 , Christie was hit by a car while he was out cycling . Taken to hospital , he had to have an operation on his knee . Once again , playing for sympathy , he exaggerated his injuries , stating that he was unconscious for more than an hour , a fact that is not mentioned in hospital records . Christie , for the first time in his life , was in a position of power , and he used it . His neighbors began to dislike this man who abused his position and acted like a bully . He even got himself a new nickname , " The Himmler of Rillington Place . " While he was at Harrow Road , Christie met a married woman whose husband was fighting overseas , and he began to see her in secret , although whether there was a sexual relationship is unknown . The relationship lasted until the middle of 1943 , when the husband returned home unexpectedly and caught them together . Christie took a beating from the husband , and this may have been the trigger that started the murders . In 1943 , most likely after his beating , Christie , still a War Reserve policeman , visited a snack bar in Ladbroke Grove . He was there , supposedly , on police business , though he was actually off duty at the time . While there , he caught the eye of a 21 - year - old Austrian girl named Ruth Fuerst , who worked at a munitions factory and lived not far from Rillington Place . There is some suggestion , likely correct , that Ruth supplemented her income by working as a prostitute part time . Christie struck up a conversation with her , and a relationship began . Soon , they were meeting regularly , and one day in August , Christie took Ruth back to 10 Rillington Place . Ethel was away visiting relatives in Sheffield and Christie had the flat to himself . According to Christie , he and Ruth were in the bedroom at 10 Rillington Place when suddenly , " She undressed and wanted me to have intercourse with her . I got a telegram while she was there , saying that my wife was on her way home . The girl wanted us to team up together and go right away somewhere together . I would not do that . I got on the bed and had intercourse with her . I strangled her with a piece of rope . " The next day , Ethel 's brother left , and Ethel went off to work , leaving Christie to carry on with the disposal of his first victim . After removing the floorboards , he dragged Ruth out to the wash - house in the back and hid the body there . Then he began to dig a grave for her in the garden . Before he had finished , Ethel came home , and they had a cup of tea together . That night , after Ethel had gone to bed , Christie stayed up and carried on with his grisly task . When the hole was deep enough , he went to the wash - house and dragged the body of Ruth Fuerst over to the grave and dropped her in , along with her clothes . He then filled the hole and went to bed . Christie would later admit that he felt a powerful thrill as he looked down at his first victim . The next day , Christie raked over the area where he had buried the body , and accidentally pulled up some of the clothing . This he put in an old dustbin that was used for burning rubbish . Some months later , Christie accidentally dug up Ruth 's skull . This went into the dustbin as well , where it would eventually be discovered during the police search . Muriel suffered from bronchial catarrh and had told Christie about it . Christie had always liked to give the impression he had some medical knowledge , a claim supported by the " medical " books that he owned , which were really nothing more than books he had picked up as a first aid worker . Some even believed that he was a doctor who had been struck off for some reason . Christie told Muriel that he could help with her problem , and he invited her around the Rillington Place for some treatment . It was October , 1944 , and Ethel was , once again , away visiting relatives in Sheffield , leaving Christie home alone . It was the opportunity he had been waiting for . He invited Muriel around and made her a cup of tea , and then showed her the device that he would use to cure her of her problems with catarrh . It was a fairly simple device . A square jar with a metal lid held the special inhalant that smelled of Friar 's Balsam . The lid had two holes in it , and through these holes were two tubes . One of the tubes went down into the liquid while the other end trailed off around the back of the deck chair that she was to sit in . The other tube did not go into the liquid , and the other end was attached to a home made mask that the user would breathe through . As Muriel breathed deeply , Christie reached behind the chair . The other end of the tubing that went into the liquid was attached to the coal gas pipe . Christie released the gas , and Muriel , unable to smell the poisonous carbon monoxide gas because of the Friar 's Balsam , quickly went limp as consciousness faded away . The sexually aroused Christie began to strangle Muriel as he penetrated her body . Soon he was finished , and Muriel was dead . Christie had cured her catarrh , and any other ailment she may have been suffering from . Once again , he dragged the body out to the wash - house where it remained while he dug another grave in the garden . Muriel was buried not too far from where Ruth Fuerst lay . When , some time later , Christie managed to dig up her femur by accident , he just used it to prop up the sagging fence . It is probable that Christie felt a desire for Beryl Evans right from the beginning , he just had to bide his time . Timothy Evans was impressed with his soft spoken neighbor , who was obviously educated beyond Evans 's capabilities , especially as he had medical knowledge , or so he hinted . Christie showed Timothy his " medical " books , and Evans would believe anything Christie said . Christie had to have realized that here was a man who could be manipulated and easily tricked . And when the time came , Christie struck . With a second baby on the way , Beryl wanted to have an abortion , and who better to turn to than their neighbor , a respectable former policeman with medical expertise . He would surely help . But when Timothy Evans found out about Beryl 's plan to get rid of the baby , he wanted no part of it , and he told Christie that they were not interested in getting an abortion . Christie , seeing an opportunity slip away , tried to persuade him that everything would be okay , but Timothy still refused . But Beryl was still insistent , and would go through with it . A short while later , Timothy discovered that money he had been giving to Beryl for housekeeping had been spent on other things , and a serious argument broke out . Timothy threatened to leave , and Beryl told him to go . Instead , he went to the movies . There were workmen in the house the next day . They had been coming since the end of October , working on the wash - house and the roof , and ripping out walls and floors where Christie felt there was a problem . Kitchener was away in the hospital , and apart from the workmen , Christie and Beryl were alone in the house . According to Christie , he came upstairs to Beryl sometime around midday . She had made preparations by spreading out a quilt in front of the fire . When Christie came in , Beryl lay down upon it . Christie is then unclear about what happened next . In one account , Beryl went into a panic and Christie started to hit her . He then pulled out a cord and strangled her . In one of his accounts he says that he tried to have intercourse with her , but he couldn 't , and in another account , he states that he did have intercourse with her . He also stated that a short while before , Beryl had tried to kill herself with gas , and he had found her lying on the floor in front of the fire with the gas on . He opened the door and the windows to get rid of the gas , then made her a cup of tea and comforted her . According to Christie , the next day she asked him to help her commit suicide , and " she said she would do anything … I think she was referring to letting me be intimate with her . " Once again , the death was not his fault , she wanted to die . All he did was help her . " I turned the gas tap on and as near as I can make out I held it close to her face . When she became unconscious I turned the tap off . I was going to try to have intercourse with her but it was impossible . I couldn 't bend over . I think that is when I strangled her . " Which of his accounts , if any , is the true one is not clear , though it is more likely that he attempted sex but couldn 't do it as he was suffering from back pains at the time , making some movement difficult . Joan Vincent was a friend of Beryl 's , and around this time , she paid a call on her . She was surprised to find that the door to Beryl 's flat was closed , something Beryl never did . Joan knocked on the door but there was no answer , which was also a surprise as Beryl was usually home at this time . Joan tried the door , which opened a little and then was blocked . Joan said later that although there was no sound , she was certain that there was someone on the other side of the door , blocking it from opening . If this is true , then Christie must have been in a panic , but managed to show coolness under pressure . When Timothy arrived home from work that evening , he found Christie waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs . He told Evans to go up , he would follow behind . When they reached the top floor , Christie told Timothy that it was bad news . The abortion procedure didn 't work , and Beryl had died . Christie led the distraught Timothy into the bedroom where , lying on the bed and covered with a blanket , was the body of his wife , Beryl . Timothy was distressed and vulnerable , and open to suggestion . Christie persuaded Timothy that going to the police would just cause trouble for the both of them . Would that be fair on Christie , as all he had done was try to help , and abortion was illegal . As for Timothy , the arguments and the violence would surely point the finger at him for the death of his wife . Christie 's persuasiveness worked , Timothy would agree to whatever Christie said . Christie told Timothy that he would dispose of the body . First , they would both move it down into Kitchener 's empty flat and put the body in the kitchen . Christie would need Timothy 's help with this as he was unable to lift her on his own because of his bad back . Christie then told Timothy that he would get rid of the body later by putting it down the drain outside . Evans would have to leave and so he agreed to stay with his mother . However , he would take Geraldine with him . Christie said this was a bad idea . It would cause too much suspicion . People would see him with Geraldine and begin to wonder where Beryl was . Christie said that he would think of something . Timothy stayed in the flat overnight , and by the next day , Christie had come up with a solution . Christie knew of a young couple who were childless and desperately wanted a baby . They would take Geraldine and Timothy would be assured that she was being looked after . Timothy was to let people know that Beryl had gone away with Geraldine for a holiday . Timothy prepared Geraldine 's things for her move to a new home , having been told by Christie that the couple would be arriving sometime that day to collect her . Joan Vincent returned later that day and she started up the stairs to see Beryl . Christie , seeing her , headed her off and asked what she wanted . When she said that she 'd come to visit Beryl , Christie told her that Beryl and Geraldine had gone away . However , Joan could see the baby furniture and the pram . Christie said it would be better if she did not come back . When the builders finished their work and had left the premises , Christie got both bodies downstairs and out to the back . Beryl and Geraldine , now neatly wrapped in blankets and tablecloths , were hidden in the wash - house and covered with the floorboards that had been left by the workmen . They stayed there until they were discovered by the police on December 2 . After the execution of Timothy Evans , things began to change at 10 Rillington Place . Christie , always a hypochondriac , had become worse . He felt that he was being persecuted , and his mental state caused him to be examined at the Springfield Mental Hospital for a short while , where he was found by Dr . Petit to be " an insignificant , old womanish city man . Girlish voice , mincing walk . Latent homosexual , though not overt . " By 1952 , Christie had quit his job and was now home all the time , and Ethel was not visiting her relatives in Sheffield as much as she did in the past . Christie was frustrated . He wanted to kill again , he had not murdered anyone since Beryl over three years before , and there was an obstacle in his way . Ethel . On the morning of December 14 , 1952 , Christie strangled Ethel as she lay in bed . According to Christie , " I was awakened at about 8 : 15 a . m . I think it was my wife moving about in bed . I sat up and saw that she appeared to be convulsive . Her face was blue and she was choking . I did what I could to try to restore her breathing , but it was hopeless . It appeared too late to call for assistance , that is when I couldn 't bear to see her , so I got a stocking and tied it around her neck to put her to sleep . " He added he had no idea what it was that were causing his wife to have convulsions , but as he got out of bed after her death , he " saw a small bottle and a cup half - full of water on a small table near the bed . I noticed that the bottle contained two pheno - barbitone tablets and it originally contained twenty - five . I knew then that she must have taken the remainder . " Ethel 's post mortem , however , showed no trace of pills in her stomach . He left her in bed for three days as he did not know what to do with her , but then remembered the loose floorboards in the living room , where Ruth Fuerst once spent the night . Christie also began sending out letters from Ethel to relatives that she had written but had not gotten around to mailing before she was killed . Christie changed the date on them to make it appear they were written later . In subsequent letters , he wrote them himself , explaining that Ethel 's rheumatism prevented her from writing and that she was dictating them to him . Christie had been unemployed since December 6 , and needed money . He sold Ethel 's wedding ring and her watch , and started to sell off the furniture . Each week , he went down to the Labour Exchange to collect unemployment benefits , and on January 26 , 1953 , he forged Ethel 's signature and went to the bank where he emptied her account . Sometime between January 2 and 19 , 1953 , Christie had a chance meeting with 25 - year - old Rita Nelson , a prostitute who was six months pregnant . It 's likely that she met Christie in a pub , and once again pretending to have medical knowledge , he persuaded Rita that he could abort the unwanted child . Rita came round to Rillington Place where , as he did with Muriel Eady , had Rita sit in a chair while he helped her put on the gas mask . Once unconscious , her fate was the same as the previous victims , pulled to the floor and raped as he strangled her to death . Christie 's version is different . I lived in the flat and one evening I went up Ladbroke Grove to get some fish and chips for the animals . I had a dog and a cat . On the way back , in Ladbroke Grove , a drunken woman stood in front of me and demanded a pound for me to take her round the corner . I said . ' I am not interested and I haven 't got money to throw away . ' I 'm not like that . I haven 't had intercourse with any women for over two years , my doctor will tell you that . He is Doctor Odess , Colville Square . She then demanded 30 shillings and said she would scream and say I had interfered with her if I didn 't give it to her . I walked away as I am so well known around there and she would have obviously caused a scene . She came along , she wouldn 't go and she came right to the door still demanding 30 shillings . When I opened the door she forced her way in . I went to the kitchen and she was still on about this 30 shillings . I tried to get her out and she picked up a frying pan to hit me . I closed with her and there was a struggle and she fell back on the chair . It was a deck chair . There was a piece of rope hanging from the chair . I don 't know what happened but I must have gone haywire . The next thing I remember she was lying in the chair with the rope round her neck . I don 't remember taking it off . It couldn 't have been tied . I left her there and went into the front room . After that I believe I had a cup of tea and went to bed . A few days after the death of Rita Nelson , Christie went into a café in Notting Hill . The café was crowded and Christie had to share a table with two young women . The two women were talking about their search for a suitable flat for accommodation . Christie gave his account of the meeting . I went into a café in Notting Hill for a cup of tea and a sandwich . The café was pretty full ; there wasn 't much space . Two girls sat at a table and I sat opposite at the same table . They were talking about rooms , where they had been looking to get accommodation . Then one of them spoke to me . She asked me for a cigarette and then started a conversation . During the conversation , I mentioned about leaving my flat and that it would be vacant very soon , and they suggested coming down together to see it in the evening . Only one came down . The one that came down was 26 - year - old Kathleen Maloney , a part time prostitute and nude model . How he got her to sit in the chair while he gassed her is unknown , but as her post mortem showed that she had been drinking heavily , it is likely that she was drunk enough for Christie to handle her with some ease and get the mask over her face . Once again , Christie 's version is self serving . She looked over the flat . She said it would be suitable subject to the landlord 's permission . It was then that she made suggestions that she would visit me for a few days . She said this so that I would use my influence with the landlord as a sort of payment of kind . I was rather annoyed and told her that it didn 't interest me . I think she started saying I was making accusations against her when she saw there was nothing doing . She said that she would bring someone down to me . I believe it was then that she mentioned something about Irish blood . She was in a violent temper . I remember she started fighting . I am very quiet and avoid fighting . I know there was something , it 's in the back of my mind . She was on the floor . I must have put her in the alcove straight away . Hectorina McLennan was Christie 's final victim . On March 3 , the 26 year old was leaving a café with her boyfriend , a man named Baker , when they bumped into Christie . As Baker crossed over the road to chat with a friend , Christie struck up a conversation with Hectorina . During the conversation , she told Christie that she and Baker had just been evicted from their flat and were looking for somewhere else to stay . Christie , no doubt seeing an opportunity , offered them both accommodations at his home for a few days until they could find somewhere more suitable . The girl came back alone . She asked if he had called and I said ' No ' , but I was expecting him . She said she would wait , but I told her she couldn 't and that he may be looking for her , and that she must go and that she couldn 't stay there alone . She was very funny about it . I got hold of her arm and tried to lead her out . I pushed her out of the kitchen . She started struggling like anything and some of her clothing got torn . She then sort of fell limp as I got hold of her . She sank to the ground and I think that some of her clothing must have got caught around her neck in the struggle . She was just out of the kitchen in the passageway . I tried to lift her up but couldn 't . I then pulled her into the kitchen on to a chair . I felt her pulse , but it wasn 't beating . I pulled the cupboard away again and I must have put her in there . The Hunt for the Monster of Rillington Place Christie went to a Rowton House , a hostel for working men , in Kings Cross , where he paid for lodging for seven days , using his real name . But when the news of what had been discovered at Rillington Place hit the headlines , Christie left . For the rest of the time , he wandered around London , sleeping rough and spending most of his time in cafés and movie theatres . Norman Rae was the chief crime reporter for the News Of The World newspaper , and he remembered the Evans case very well , having covered it for the newspaper three years earlier . As with all of the newspapers , the News Of The World was considering the Evans 's side of the story , and Rae was about to become personally involved . It was late at night on March 29 when Rae 's telephone rang at the News Of The World office . Rae picked it up . On the other end , a whispery voice asked Rae if he remembered him . Rae remembered him very well ; he had interviewed Christie three years earlier when he covered the Evans killings . Christie wanted to give Rae an exclusive , and offered to meet a few hours later outside Wood Green Town Hall . Rae said that he would be there . Rae , along with a driver , got over to Wood Green and waited in the darkened car for Christie to show . Soon , there was movement , and Christie appeared in the shadows . On the last day of March , Christie was on the bank of the Thames at Putney Embankment , leaning over the railing and looking at the river . A police constable named Thomas Ledger walked past and thought the man looked suspicious . Ledger stopped and asked the man his name . " John Waddington " replied the man , and said he was 35 years old and was waiting to get his unemployment cards . Ledger asked the man to remove his hat . Once Ledger got a good look at him , with his bald head and his whispering voice , he knew who stood in front of him . Ledger arrested him and took him to Putney Police Station in a police van that happened to be passing at the right moment . Realizing that the pretense would do no good , " John Waddington " gave his real name . John Reginald Halliday Christie , the monster of Rillington Place , had been captured . Over the following few months , Christie would confess to his crimes on three separate occasions . His confessions , though essentially true in that he was the murderer , were designed to show him in the best light , and his explanations as to how and why the killings took place were self serving . Facts were altered , some details were exaggerated , and some details were conveniently forgotten . He gave an account of his life to the Sunday Pictorial newspaper in which he claimed that a powerful and mysterious force that he couldn 't control made him commit the murders . He tried to present himself as someone who was forced to kill his victims by the victims themselves . Ruth asked for it by stripping off and demanding sex . Beryl wanted to commit suicide , all he did was help . His last three victims were violent and the deaths were self defense . Even Ethel 's death was a mercy killing . The truth was that Ethel was in the way , and Christie wanted to pursue his murderous hobby . It also may have been that Ethel had put two and two together , and was beginning to suspect that he may have had a hand in the death of Beryl Evans . Muriel Eady was the only one of his victims that he didn 't blame for her own death . And he never admitted , not officially anyway , that he was responsible for the death of Geraldine Evans . But he couldn 't , not if his defense plan was going to work . With all of his victims , it was their own fault , or , in the case of Ethel , it was a mercy killing . The prostitutes provoked him with their overt sexual attempts or their violent attacks on him , and Beryl wanted to die anyway . None of these excuses could be placed on a 13 - month - old little girl . The truth was that Geraldine was murdered simply to get rid of a problem . If Beryl and Geraldine disappeared , then it could be assumed that they had just left , with Beryl fed up with Timothy and taking the baby with her . If Timothy and Geraldine were together , then people would start asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Beryl , and the truth could come out . The trail could have led back to Christie . So Geraldine had to go . The facts as stated by the prosecution showed a man who was devious , who tried to conceal the murder of his wife by hiding the body underneath the floorboards , who tried to convince others through forged letters that she was still alive . This was a man who had forged his wife 's signature in order to obtain the contents of her bank account by deceit , and then forged her signature to a receipt to say that she had received it . This man had told people that she was with her relatives in Sheffield , and he had told the person to whom he sold the furniture that she had gone away and that he was joining her later . The defense chose to bring into evidence the other killings , which may prove that he was insane . The defense maintained that although Christie knew what he was doing , he did not know that it was wrong . Christie was called on to testify , and throughout his story , he would mumble , or refuse to speak , and answered many of the questions with , " I don 't know " or " I cannot remember . " The prosecution called its psychiatrist for the rebuttal . In his opinion , Christie knew that what he was doing was wrong , he just didn 't care . A second psychiatrist told the court that the " falsification of memory " in which he cannot remember specific details of the murders , which the defense put forth as further proof of insanity , were merely Christie 's attempts to deliberately hide the truth . His lapses of memory were only apparent when it was convenient for him not to remember something that was damning , but his memory appeared to be perfectly sound when he was remembering anything that was of benefit to his defense . The defense had a weak case . It tried to convince the jury that the murder of Ethel Christie was completely motiveless , and only a madman would kill for no reason . Yet a reason had come up . The motive for the murder of Ethel Christie was a by - product of lust . Christie needed Ethel out of the way to continue his lustful killings of the other women . On July 15 , just 20 days after the judge read the sentence , Christie faced the noose at Pentonville Prison , the same noose that Timothy Evans faced just over three years before . With his arms bound , Christie complained that his nose was itchy . The hangman , Albert Pierrepoint reassured Christie , " It won 't bother you for long . " Did Christie kill more than eight people ? It seems likely that these were not his only victims . As a wartime policeman , there would be many opportunities to kill and get rid of the body in a bombed building . The four clumps of pubic hair that didn 't belong to any known victims would point to there being others . And the gaps between killings are long , which is also unusual . But these are questions that can never be answered . For the residents of Rillington Place , life became a nightmare . Sightseers flocked to see the infamous house , crowding the already narrow cul - de - sac . Mrs . Sarah McFadden , the resident at number 3 , organized a petition , which was signed by 83 residents , asking for a change to the street name . It was presented to the council on May 19 , 1953 . Although the council felt that the name change would make no difference to the sightseers , the name was finally changed in May the following year , to Ruston Close . As the council suspected , it didn 't stop the sightseers . But there was a problem , the police had not done their job . The fact was the police investigation into the deaths of Beryl and Geraldine was a mess . When Evans told the police in Wales that he had disposed of his wife , they were certain that he was responsible . The fact that it took three men to lift the cover on the drain showed that Evans was a liar . The police , believing that they had their man , were determined that he should not escape justice . Evans , after being told that his wife 's body was not where he told them it would be , told them that Christie did it . The police decided that this was just to shift the blame . They may have been right , but they should still have checked Christie 's background , just to be on the safe side . If they had , Christie past convictions , including one for the " murderous attack " on a woman , would have come to light , and Christie would not have been regarded as the decent and upstanding citizen that he pretended to be . But beyond that , there were other aspects of the " investigation " that were , at best , criminally negligent . While searching for Beryl 's body in the garden , the police failed to notice a human thigh bone propping up the sagging fence , even though the garden was , supposedly , examined . Some other bones were visible , thanks to Christie 's dog having dug them up . Shortly after the police search , the dog pulled up the skull of Muriel Eady . Christie slipped it under his coat and walked past the policemen waiting outside the house and threw it into a bombed out house in St . Mark 's Road , where it was discovered shortly after . It was handed in to the police , who decided it was a bomb victim . Why did they not question the fact that the house had been bombed eight or nine years before , but the skull only discovered now ? Why did they not consider it to be too much of a coincidence that they find a skull at the same time as they are looking for a body just around the corner ? It defied explanation . The discovery of the clipping concerning the Stanley Setty murder told the police that Evans was going to get rid of the bodies in the same manner . Why would he have a clipping otherwise . The problem was , why would he have a clipping at all , he couldn 't read , it would have been indecipherable to him . But Christie was known to be an avid clipper . The bodies of Beryl and Geraldine were found in the wash - house on December 2 , and had been dead for three weeks . That , according to the police thinking , is where Evans left them . But the workmen who had been doing work there since October had been using the wash - house to store their tools , and the bodies were certainly not there during that time . The workmen had only finished using the wash - house the day before the bodies were discovered . The workmen also stated that the wood that was used to cover the bodies was from floorboards that had been taken up after Evans had left , and the wood had been given to Christie . With this evidence , the guilt of Timothy Evans should have been , at the very least , questioned . He couldn 't have moved the bodies to the wash - house the day before ; he was already in police custody . But the confessions were proof that Evans committed the murders . They were very detailed and accurate , he knew where the bodies were , he knew how they had been killed , and he knew what they were wearing . How could he know so much detail if he was not the killer . The fact was that all of these details were already known to the police , and the police coached Evans in what to say during the confession . Evans was fearful of the police , there had been hints of violence if he didn 't come clean , and with this threat over him Evans was scared that he would be hurt . As they fed him the details of the murders , he agreed that it was so , and after a long night of interrogation ( and not the 75 minutes that the police stated it took ) , Evans had confessed to a murder that he didn 't commit in details that should have been known only to the killer . But the workmen who were at 10 Rillington Place were never called . In addition , the police re - interviewed the workmen , and managed to get some of them at least to change their story to fit in with the theory that Evans killed his family . According to one source , they even produced a photograph of a dead baby ( not connected to the case ) to manipulate the workers emotionally . In his summing up , the judge presented the jury with two options . Either Dr . Teare , the pathologist was lying about the post mortem results , or Evans was lying . He pointed out that Evans had a reputation and a record as a habitual liar , and pointed out the luminous reputation of Christie . The newspaper cutting about the Setty murder was referred to in the inquiry , showing that Evans probably planned to dispose of the bodies in the same manner . The fact that Evans was illiterate and couldn 't read , and that Christie was known to be an avid newspaper clipper , was also dismissed . Other evidence that would have pointed to Evans being innocent of the charge was also ignored . In Parliament , the report was viciously attacked . Geoffrey Bing , QC , the MP for Hornchurch delivered what , at the time , was called by Michael Foot , " one of the most formidable which has been delivered in this house for many years . " Bing stated , " The whole of the report was shot through with prejudice and evidence of all sorts of irregularities . " Michael Foot said it was not worth the paper it had been written on , and Reginald Paget said that it deliberately concealed the truth and was dishonest . One man stood up and gave his support to a growing campaign for justice for Timothy Evans . He was James Chuter Ede , later Baron Chuter - Ede , who in 1950 was the Home Secretary at the time of Evans ' execution . He concluded that a terrible mistake had been made . In 1955 , The Man on Your Conscience was published . Written by Michael Eddowes , it was the first important book on the case , and generated a renewed interest . Four influential editors , Ian Gilmour of The Spectator , John Grigg of The National and English Review , Sir Lynton Andrews of The Yorkshire Post , and David Astor of The Observer petitioned the Home secretary for a new inquiry . It was denied . Kennedy also stressed the evidence given by Dr . Teare that there were signs of sexual penetration of Beryl 's body , suggesting the murderer was sexually aroused by the act of killing , and possibly a necrophiliac . This evidence was suppressed by Evans 's own defense . Had this come up in court , it would have removed some suspicion from Evans who may have been short tempered and violent , but was certainly not a necrophiliac , and would not have had sex with his wife 's body . By now , Britain had a new Home Secretary , R . A . Butler . The campaigners , including Labour MP Sir Frank Soskice , asked for a new inquiry , and Butler said that he would examine the evidence that was presented in the book . Just over seven weeks later , Butler made his decision . No inquiry . With the Governments reversed , Labour , after years of vociferous campaigning for the inquiry , took on the former Governments position and was now refusing it . The Conservative 's , in their turn , took up Labour 's former stance , and were now pushing for an inquiry . " I do not think that an inquiry would serve any useful purpose at this stage . I think it would be kinder not to express views one way or the other . " said Soskice . Herbert Wolfe was a German refugee living in Darlington , who had arrived in Britain in 1933 to escape what was happening in his own country . To him , the concept of British justice was precious and something that should not be taken for granted . He had read Kennedy 's book and , convinced of the innocence of Timothy Evans , wrote an article that he sent to the editor of his local paper , The Northern Echo . Darlington is far from London , and the local paper could hardly have any influence on the Government . But the editor happened to be Harold Evans , an exceptional journalist who would go on to become editor of The Sunday Times and is now editor at large for Reuters . He said , " After receiving Wolfe 's article , I got hold of Kennedy 's book . I read it on the train to London , and became so angry I wanted to pull the communication cord . I thought , this is an outrage ; something must be done about it . " Every day , for months , Evans published something about the case . He produced pamphlets , while Wolfe ceaselessly telephoned people about the case . On July 28 , 1965 , with Ludovic Kennedy as its chairman , the Timothy Evans committee was formed . With the press coverage that was generated , Evans pressed the Prime Minister Harold Wilson , who capitulated and promised that the Government would do something . The conclusion was bizarre . Christie , the report decided , did kill Geraldine Evans , but Timothy killed Beryl . Despite this astonishing conclusion , the report did agree that a jury could not have convicted Evans on any murder if all of the available evidence had been presented in court . Mary Westlake , Evans ' half - sister , and his sister Eileen Ashby , were awarded payment as compensation for their brothers ' miscarriage of justice , in January 2003 . Lord Brennan , the independent assessor for the Home Office , stated that " the conviction and execution of Timothy Evans for the murder of his child was wrongful and a miscarriage of justice . " He went on to add , " there is no evidence to implicate Timothy Evans in the murder of his wife . She was most probably murdered by Christie . " Brennan believed that Brabin 's conclusion that Evans murdered Beryl should be rejected . The following year , on November 16 , Mary Westlake appealed to the High Court . She wanted them to overturn a decision made by the Criminal Cases Review Commission not to refer Evans 's case to the Court of Appeal . Her argument was that though he had been pardoned , it had not formally erased his conviction for murder . The Evans Case Helps Fire the Anti - Death Penalty Movement in Great Britain Although the case of Timothy Evans was a boost to those who were opposed to capital punishment , it wasn 't the only one to have an impact , and it wasn 't , as some have thought , one of the cases that started the abolition campaign . The truth is that the abolition question had been around for several decades . However there is no doubt that the Evans case was of major importance for those wishing to end the practice . Capital punishment was suspended as a five year experiment , and became permanent in 1969 . But this was only for murder . Until 1971 , the death penalty remained for causing a fire or explosion in a naval dockyard , and remained until 1981 for espionage . Piracy that included violence was still a hanging crime until 1998 , as was treason and various offenses within the military . AboutWith the purpose of writing about true crime in an authoritative , fact - based manner , veteran journalists J . J . Maloney and J . Patrick O ' Connor launched Crime Magazine in November of 1998 . Their goal was to cover all aspects of true crime : Read More

John Reginald Halliday Christie Serial Killer Reg Christie pinned one of his eight murders on the witless Timothy Evans before he was discovered to be the " Monster of 10 Rillington Place . " Evans 's execution by hanging - and his posthumous pardon - helped lead to the abolishment of the death penalty in Great Britain . by Mark Pulham When most people think of Notting Hill , there are a few things that first come to mind . One could be the Notting Hill carnival , a colorful event held every year by the West Indian community and , after Rio , the second largest street carnival in the world . Or it may be Portobello Road , home to the worlds largest Antiques Market , held every Saturday , and also the home to the Portobello Film Festival , where over 700 films have had their premiers . Rillington Place was a typical street in the area . Number 10 was a narrow , dreary , and depressing house at the end of a narrow , dreary , and depressing cul - de - sac . Built probably around 1869 , it was a grimy and cramped house that had been , like many others , split into three flats , one on each floor . At the beginning of 1948 , only two of the flats were occupied . In the ground floor flat lived the Christies , Reg and Ethel . Their flat consisted of a front living room , a back bedroom , and a kitchen , which included a pantry or cupboard . A passageway led from the front door of the house through to the back door , splitting the Christie 's kitchen from their other rooms . Outside , there was a small wash - house with a sink and a boiler , where the occupants could do small amounts of laundry . Also outside was the only lavatory , which everyone had to use . Access to both of these was through the passageway that separated the Christie 's kitchen from the rest of their flat . Even before he was born , he had lost someone . His father , Daniel , had walked out on his pregnant wife Thomasina and their daughter , 3 - year - old Eileen . Nothing was heard from Daniel again . Young Timothy had problems as a child . He would have unmanageable tantrums and had trouble learning to speak . He also had a low IQ and had great difficulty learning anything at school . To make matters worse , at the age of 8 , he suffered an injury to his right foot and he developed a tubular plantar wart . It never healed completely , and much of his time was spent at the hospital , which only added to his lack of education . Timothy 's older sister , Eileen , had found a place for them . It wasn 't too far away , just around the corner in Rillington Place . The young couple moved into number 10 . On October 10 , 1948 , at Queen Charlotte 's Maternity Hospital , Beryl gave birth to a baby daughter who they named Geraldine . Her arrival could not have helped . There was now less space in the small two roomed flat , and Timothy 's wages were barely enough to cover the two of them , let alone a baby as well . He told them that he had disposed of his wife . Her body had been put down a drain outside his home in London . The police took him to Merthyr Tydfil police station where Detective Sergeant Gough and Detective Constable Evans took a statement . According to Timothy , it had all been an accident . Beryl was anxious to have the second pregnancy terminated , but abortion was illegal in Britain at that time . Timothy told the police that he met a man in the pub who told him he had something that would do the trick . If Beryl took it , it would cause an abortion . The man gave him a bottle which contained some mixture for Beryl to drink . It took three of them to lift the manhole cover , a sign in itself that Evans was lying , there was no way a man of his short stature could have lifted the cover alone . They looked down the drain and could see that there was no body down there . In any case , the drain was too narrow for a body to fit . Evans had to be lying . The police at Merthyr Tydfil were informed that nothing was found , and they told Timothy . He was then questioned again . Timothy changed his story , saying he may as well tell them the truth . He now told them that Beryl had died when their ground floor neighbor , Reg Christie , had tried to give her an abortion . Reg said that the last time he saw Beryl Evans was on Tuesday , November 8 . It was around midday and he saw her go out with Geraldine . He said that she looked scared about something . That same night , around midnight , he and Ethel were woken up by noises coming from upstairs , thumping sounds , as if someone was moving stuff around . It couldn 't have been Mr . Kitchener , Reg explained , as he was in the hospital . It had to have come from Evans 's flat . As the noise didn 't last for very long , they thought no more about it , and both went back to sleep . The following day , Evans came down to see the Christies . He explained to them that he was upset with his boss at work and had quit his van driver job . According to Christie , he was going to move to Bristol to be with Beryl , and so he had decided to sell all of his furniture . Evans had also been around to see his mother , and to her , he told a different story . He told her that Beryl had gone , not to Bristol , but to Brighton , to see her father . This seemed odd to Timothy 's mother . She knew that Beryl and her father did not get along . Why would she go there ? The Notting Hill Police , their suspicions aroused , did a quick search of the house and the garden , but nothing much was found . The only thing of significance was a newspaper clipping found in the Evans 's flat . The clipping was about the recent Stanley Setty murder case . The month before , Setty 's neatly wrapped torso had been discovered in some marshes in Essex . Had Timothy Evans done the same with his wife ? A briefcase was also found in the Evans flat , and it turned out to be stolen . Informed of the briefcase , the Merthyr Tydfil police charged Evans with theft and he was to be returned to London . The theft charge allowed the police to hold him while the search for Beryl continued . On December 2 , the police returned to number 10 , and the search this time produced grisly results . They tried to get into the tiny wash - house at the back of the building , but the door had become stuck . Ethel found a piece of metal that could be used to pry the door open and gave it to the police . They forced the door open and looked inside . It was dark in the wash - house , but they could see that there was some wood stacked up against the sink . One of the officers felt behind the wood and could feel some sort of package . The wood was removed and they found what appeared to be a large parcel wrapped up in a green tablecloth . They turned to Ethel and asked her what it may be , and she told them she had never seen it before . The police pulled the package out and untied the cord that was holding the package together . No sooner was the package loosened when out slipped a pair of feet . Unwrapped , the package revealed the moldering corpse of Beryl Evans . She had been beaten and strangled . The bodies were taken to Kensington Mortuary where the Home Office pathologist conducted the post mortems . Bruising over the right eye and on the lip showed that Beryl had been hit , probably more than once , and then she had been strangled with cord or rope . There was no evidence that any attempt at an abortion had taken place , though there was some bruising inside the vagina , indicating there may have been an attempt at sex . Timothy Evans was returned to London . He believed he was going to be questioned about the stolen briefcase that had been found in his flat . However , when he arrived at the train station accompanied by police officers , there were photographers waiting to take pictures of him . It was clear to Evans that this was not about the briefcase . She was incurring one debt after another and I could not stand it any longer , so I strangled her with a piece of rope and took her down to the flat below the same night whilst the old man [ Mr . Kitchener ] was in hospital . I waited until the Christies downstairs had gone to bed , then I took her to the wash - house after midnight . This was on Tuesday 8 November . On Thursday evening after I came home from work I strangled my baby in our bedroom with my tie and later that night I took her down into the wash - house after the Christies had gone to bed . Later , Timothy Evans would make a longer confession that , according to the police , took 75 minutes to write and read back to him . This confession goes into greater detail about the murders . He told of how he got angry and how he hit Beryl , and then , in an uncontrollable fit of temper , he strangled her . He told of how he got her body downstairs and into the wash - house and used the wood to cover her body before locking the door . The trial of Timothy Evans began on January 11 , 1950 at the Old Bailey . Unlike the present day , in the 1950 's you could only be tried for one murder at a time . Mr . Christmas Humphries was the prosecutor , and he wanted to avoid the defense motive of provocation that the defense would surely put forth if the trial was for the murder of Beryl Evans . With Geraldine , there could be no such motive , and so , although the murder of Beryl would be included in the testimony , the trial was for the murder of his 13 - month old - daughter . The prosecution 's case was simple . Evans and Beryl were in a difficult relationship . Their marriage was under a great deal of strain , with little money coming in , a baby to feed and clothe , and now , a second baby on the way . Dr . Teare gave his evidence , and Christie was also called by the prosecution . With Christie , Morris thought he saw a way to help with the defense . He had discovered that Christie had some past criminal convictions and hoped that would at least discredit him as a witness . It didn 't work . It did the opposite . Christie , for all his past faults , had not been in any trouble for the past 17 years . The jury was impressed by this man and the fact that he had turned his life around to become a model citizen . Reg Christie was a war hero , having been gassed during the First World War , which had left him with his soft voice . He had also been a War reserve policeman during World War Two . But the evidence was all against him . Evans had described the murders in precise and accurate detail , because , the prosecution pointed out , he was the one who committed the murders . Only the killer would know the details so clearly . Morris pointed to the second confession given by Evans in which he implicated Christie . Morris hoped that it would confuse the issue and raise a reasonable doubt . But it was useless . Evans was a known liar , he was a known drunk , he was known to be violent , and he was known to have a short temper . He 'd admitted to the murders in more than one statement . The jury filed out of the courtroom for its deliberations , but was back within 40 minutes . The verdict , reached swiftly , was a foregone conclusion . Timothy John Evans was found guilty on the charge of murdering his 13 - month - old daughter . The sentence was death by hanging . Christie , still in the courtroom , burst into a flood of tears . Other news quickly replaced that rapidly dwindling interest in the killings . That same year , in July , Sainsbury 's opened the first purpose built supermarket , and in August , Princess Elizabeth gave birth to her second child , Princess Anne . In November , George Bernard Shaw died at the age of 94 . In addition to the top flat now being empty after the murders , the second floor flat was also vacant as Charles Kitchener had also moved out . Ethel Christie also wanted to move away , the new tenants scared her , and Reg had gone into a depression after the trial . Reg had also lost his job , thanks to some of the disclosures about his convictions that were revealed at the trial . By the end of 1952 , Reg was living alone . Reg had found a new job up in Sheffield , and Ethel had already left , having relatives there . Reg would join her later . Reg was desperate to move out and sold all of his furniture . He stayed in the unfurnished flat well into March 1953 , when he met a woman named Reilly . She told Christie that she was looking for a flat to rent , and Christie said that she could have his . She came round with her husband and had a look at the flat . They thought it would suit them , and Christie took three months rent in advance off them . Christie then borrowed a suitcase from them , put the last of his things in it , and left on March 20 , 1953 . The Reilly 's didn 't get much of a chance to settle in . The next day , the landlord came around and was surprised to find them there . He was angry ; Christie had no right to rent the place out as it wasn 't his . Beresford liked music while he worked , and so the first thing he wanted to do was put up a shelf so he had somewhere to put his radio . He began to tap on the walls to find a suitable spot , and one part of the wall sounded hollow . There had to be some sort of space behind the wall . At the edge , some of the wallpaper was coming away and he pulled on that . He found the door that led to the pantry or cupboard . He managed to get the door partly open , and then he grabbed his flashlight and looked through the crack in the door . What he saw made him reel back in horror . The beam from his flashlight had revealed a woman sitting there , her back toward him . She was semi - naked and obviously dead . Beresford called the police . Several officers arrived and the door to the pantry was opened . The woman sat with her back toward them , leaning forward . The police took her out and moved her to the front room for examination . She was wearing only a bra , a garter belt , and stockings . Her wrists had been bound together by a handkerchief tied in a reef knot , and some clothing had been wedged between her legs to act as a diaper to absorb seepage from her vagina and rectum . There was another object in the cupboard , wrapped in a blanket . The police removed it , and found that it was the body of a second woman . In the cupboard , she had been placed upside down on her head and leaned against the wall . The police were not finished yet . They removed a third body , like the second placed upside down in the cupboard . This victim had her ankles bound , this time with electrical cord , and once again , a reef knot was used . Also tied with a reef knot was the cloth used to cover her head . If the police felt relieved and thought that it was now over , that relief was short lived . Noticing that the floorboards in the living room were loose , the police took them up . There was some loose rubble underneath and , after a short dig , they found the remains of a fourth woman . Back at the mortuary , the post mortems began . The first body to be found was that of a brunette in her early to mid twenties . She had been dead for around four weeks , killed by a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and strangulation . It was determined that she had been suffering from the effects of the carbon monoxide gas when she was strangled with a smooth surfaced cord . There were scratch marks along her back which indicated that she had been dragged along the floor after she was dead . There were also indications that sexual intercourse had also taken place . The next body was also in her mid - twenties with light brown hair . She seemed to have been in good health when she died . She had a pinkish color to her , which indicated that she too had been poisoned with carbon monoxide gas . Like the first , she had also been strangled . She showed signs of heavy drinking on the day that she had died , and she had also had sexual intercourse , either just before or just after she had died . She was wearing a cardigan and a vest , and another vest had been placed between her legs to act as a diaper . She had been dead somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks . The third body , this time a blonde , was , like the first two , in her mid - twenties . Once more , the pinkness of the corpse indicated that she had been gassed before strangulation had taken place . This victim wore a dress , a petticoat , two vests , a bra , and a cardigan . Once more , there was a piece of cloth between the legs to act as a diaper . This victim was also six months pregnant . Once again , sexual intercourse seemed to have occurred either just before or just after death . When the fourth body arrived the next morning , it was clear that there was a significant difference between this one and the first three . First of all , she was older , somewhere in her mid fifties , a plump woman , with missing teeth . A flowered dress and a silk nightgown were wrapped around the body , and then wrapped once more in a flannel blanket . Her head had been covered by a pillowcase . It did not take long to identify the victims . The three younger victims turned out to be prostitutes that Christie had invited back to the flat . They were Rita Nelson , aged 25 , Kathleen Maloney , aged 26 , and Hectorina McLennan , also aged 26 . The older woman who was found under the floor was Ethel Christie . The search of Number 10 continued the next day . Among the things found was an old tobacco tin which , when opened , was found to contain four tufts of pubic hair . None of the pubic hair matched the victims . In the garden , more searchers discovered a human femur , in plain view , propping up the sagging back fence . More bones were discovered , along with some hair and some parts of a dress . By the time the search was completed , they had two more victims , though one of them was missing a head . Both were female . It wasn 't long before both of the victims were identified . Ruth Fuerst was 21 years old when she disappeared . A tall girl at five - foot - eight , she had left Austria in 1939 to come to London . She went missing on August 24 , 1943 . Muriel Eady worked at Ultra Radio Works in 1944 . One day , the 32 year old met a fellow worker in the canteen . His name was Reg Christie . She vanished in October of that year . She was last seen wearing a black wool dress , just like the scraps of a dress that was found in the garden . Some hair that was found also matched Muriel 's . Six bodies were found in total , and now the hunt was on for Christie . John Reginald Halliday Christie was born on April 8 , 1899 , in an isolated house known as " Black Boy " in Turner Lane , Shibden , a small village a few miles east of Halifax , Yorkshire . According to Christie himself , he had a very rosy childhood . He enjoyed school , was excellent at math , and was good at games , especially soccer . He loved animals , a love that lasted all of his life , and at one point , he was an assistant Scout master and a member of the local choir . Christie 's father , Ernest John Christie , was feared in his home . He was a severe and tyrannical man whose temper would explode on the slightest annoyance . Reg was scared of his father and his grandfather . At the age of 8 , Reg experienced death for the first time , when his hated grandfather died . The body was laid out in the house for visitors to come and pay their respects and , like the rest of the family , Reg viewed the body . It must have been a revelation to Reg , that this man , who scared him so badly while he was alive , now didn 't scare him at all in death . It is likely that this is the moment when Reg saw that the dead cannot hurt you , and this lasted into his adult life . Soon after , Reg began playing in the local cemetery where he liked to look at the graves . In June , 1918 , Christie was caught in a mustard gas attack , and spent a month in hospital . According to Christie , he was blinded by the gas for three months and unable to talk for three and a half years because of the attack . There is no evidence of his blindness , and although he may have been unable to speak for a short while , it was more likely due to a psychological reason , and not a physical one . Even so , it could not have been for the length of time that he claimed as just seven weeks later he was declared fit enough for active duty . During his time in the army , Christie became a frequent customer of prostitutes . He discovered that as he didn 't have to please them or prove his manhood , he was able to perform normally . However , they had to be compliant and unresponsive for him to achieve erection and penetration . After he left the army , he met Ethel Simpson Waddington , a very passive girl , which suited Christie . On May 10 , 1920 , they married at Halifax Registry Office . But Christie 's sexual problems remained , and during their courtship , they never had sex at all . Christie , instead , continued to use the services of prostitutes for his sexual needs . In January , 1923 , he found himself in trouble again . This time , he was convicted of obtaining money by false pretences and violent conduct . For this , he received a sentence of 12 months probation . The following year , 1924 , he got nine months hard labor for stealing goods and money . By this time , Ethel was fed up with her husbands petty stealing and inability to hold down a job . She left him and moved in with relatives . Christie moved down to London . By 1929 , Christie was living in Battersea , South London , with a prostitute , and once more , Christie found himself in trouble . In what was described by the judge as a " murderous attack , " Christie had clubbed the prostitute across the head with a cricket bat . Yet , despite the severity of the attack , Christie was only sentenced to six months hard labor . While in prison , Christie got in touch with Ethel and asked if she would visit him . Ethel was lonely , and dismissing the past , came to see him . After Christie was released from prison , Ethel and Christie decided to put the past behind them and reconcile . They moved back in together . In 1934 , Christie was hit by a car while he was out cycling . Taken to hospital , he had to have an operation on his knee . Once again , playing for sympathy , he exaggerated his injuries , stating that he was unconscious for more than an hour , a fact that is not mentioned in hospital records . Christie , for the first time in his life , was in a position of power , and he used it . His neighbors began to dislike this man who abused his position and acted like a bully . He even got himself a new nickname , " The Himmler of Rillington Place . " While he was at Harrow Road , Christie met a married woman whose husband was fighting overseas , and he began to see her in secret , although whether there was a sexual relationship is unknown . The relationship lasted until the middle of 1943 , when the husband returned home unexpectedly and caught them together . Christie took a beating from the husband , and this may have been the trigger that started the murders . In 1943 , most likely after his beating , Christie , still a War Reserve policeman , visited a snack bar in Ladbroke Grove . He was there , supposedly , on police business , though he was actually off duty at the time . While there , he caught the eye of a 21 - year - old Austrian girl named Ruth Fuerst , who worked at a munitions factory and lived not far from Rillington Place . There is some suggestion , likely correct , that Ruth supplemented her income by working as a prostitute part time . Christie struck up a conversation with her , and a relationship began . Soon , they were meeting regularly , and one day in August , Christie took Ruth back to 10 Rillington Place . Ethel was away visiting relatives in Sheffield and Christie had the flat to himself . According to Christie , he and Ruth were in the bedroom at 10 Rillington Place when suddenly , " She undressed and wanted me to have intercourse with her . I got a telegram while she was there , saying that my wife was on her way home . The girl wanted us to team up together and go right away somewhere together . I would not do that . I got on the bed and had intercourse with her . I strangled her with a piece of rope . " The next day , Ethel 's brother left , and Ethel went off to work , leaving Christie to carry on with the disposal of his first victim . After removing the floorboards , he dragged Ruth out to the wash - house in the back and hid the body there . Then he began to dig a grave for her in the garden . Before he had finished , Ethel came home , and they had a cup of tea together . That night , after Ethel had gone to bed , Christie stayed up and carried on with his grisly task . When the hole was deep enough , he went to the wash - house and dragged the body of Ruth Fuerst over to the grave and dropped her in , along with her clothes . He then filled the hole and went to bed . Christie would later admit that he felt a powerful thrill as he looked down at his first victim . The next day , Christie raked over the area where he had buried the body , and accidentally pulled up some of the clothing . This he put in an old dustbin that was used for burning rubbish . Some months later , Christie accidentally dug up Ruth 's skull . This went into the dustbin as well , where it would eventually be discovered during the police search . Muriel suffered from bronchial catarrh and had told Christie about it . Christie had always liked to give the impression he had some medical knowledge , a claim supported by the " medical " books that he owned , which were really nothing more than books he had picked up as a first aid worker . Some even believed that he was a doctor who had been struck off for some reason . Christie told Muriel that he could help with her problem , and he invited her around the Rillington Place for some treatment . It was October , 1944 , and Ethel was , once again , away visiting relatives in Sheffield , leaving Christie home alone . It was the opportunity he had been waiting for . He invited Muriel around and made her a cup of tea , and then showed her the device that he would use to cure her of her problems with catarrh . It was a fairly simple device . A square jar with a metal lid held the special inhalant that smelled of Friar 's Balsam . The lid had two holes in it , and through these holes were two tubes . One of the tubes went down into the liquid while the other end trailed off around the back of the deck chair that she was to sit in . The other tube did not go into the liquid , and the other end was attached to a home made mask that the user would breathe through . As Muriel breathed deeply , Christie reached behind the chair . The other end of the tubing that went into the liquid was attached to the coal gas pipe . Christie released the gas , and Muriel , unable to smell the poisonous carbon monoxide gas because of the Friar 's Balsam , quickly went limp as consciousness faded away . The sexually aroused Christie began to strangle Muriel as he penetrated her body . Soon he was finished , and Muriel was dead . Christie had cured her catarrh , and any other ailment she may have been suffering from . Once again , he dragged the body out to the wash - house where it remained while he dug another grave in the garden . Muriel was buried not too far from where Ruth Fuerst lay . When , some time later , Christie managed to dig up her femur by accident , he just used it to prop up the sagging fence . It is probable that Christie felt a desire for Beryl Evans right from the beginning , he just had to bide his time . Timothy Evans was impressed with his soft spoken neighbor , who was obviously educated beyond Evans 's capabilities , especially as he had medical knowledge , or so he hinted . Christie showed Timothy his " medical " books , and Evans would believe anything Christie said . Christie had to have realized that here was a man who could be manipulated and easily tricked . And when the time came , Christie struck . With a second baby on the way , Beryl wanted to have an abortion , and who better to turn to than their neighbor , a respectable former policeman with medical expertise . He would surely help . But when Timothy Evans found out about Beryl 's plan to get rid of the baby , he wanted no part of it , and he told Christie that they were not interested in getting an abortion . Christie , seeing an opportunity slip away , tried to persuade him that everything would be okay , but Timothy still refused . But Beryl was still insistent , and would go through with it . A short while later , Timothy discovered that money he had been giving to Beryl for housekeeping had been spent on other things , and a serious argument broke out . Timothy threatened to leave , and Beryl told him to go . Instead , he went to the movies . There were workmen in the house the next day . They had been coming since the end of October , working on the wash - house and the roof , and ripping out walls and floors where Christie felt there was a problem . Kitchener was away in the hospital , and apart from the workmen , Christie and Beryl were alone in the house . According to Christie , he came upstairs to Beryl sometime around midday . She had made preparations by spreading out a quilt in front of the fire . When Christie came in , Beryl lay down upon it . Christie is then unclear about what happened next . In one account , Beryl went into a panic and Christie started to hit her . He then pulled out a cord and strangled her . In one of his accounts he says that he tried to have intercourse with her , but he couldn 't , and in another account , he states that he did have intercourse with her . He also stated that a short while before , Beryl had tried to kill herself with gas , and he had found her lying on the floor in front of the fire with the gas on . He opened the door and the windows to get rid of the gas , then made her a cup of tea and comforted her . According to Christie , the next day she asked him to help her commit suicide , and " she said she would do anything … I think she was referring to letting me be intimate with her . " Once again , the death was not his fault , she wanted to die . All he did was help her . " I turned the gas tap on and as near as I can make out I held it close to her face . When she became unconscious I turned the tap off . I was going to try to have intercourse with her but it was impossible . I couldn 't bend over . I think that is when I strangled her . " Which of his accounts , if any , is the true one is not clear , though it is more likely that he attempted sex but couldn 't do it as he was suffering from back pains at the time , making some movement difficult . Joan Vincent was a friend of Beryl 's , and around this time , she paid a call on her . She was surprised to find that the door to Beryl 's flat was closed , something Beryl never did . Joan knocked on the door but there was no answer , which was also a surprise as Beryl was usually home at this time . Joan tried the door , which opened a little and then was blocked . Joan said later that although there was no sound , she was certain that there was someone on the other side of the door , blocking it from opening . If this is true , then Christie must have been in a panic , but managed to show coolness under pressure . When Timothy arrived home from work that evening , he found Christie waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs . He told Evans to go up , he would follow behind . When they reached the top floor , Christie told Timothy that it was bad news . The abortion procedure didn 't work , and Beryl had died . Christie led the distraught Timothy into the bedroom where , lying on the bed and covered with a blanket , was the body of his wife , Beryl . Timothy was distressed and vulnerable , and open to suggestion . Christie persuaded Timothy that going to the police would just cause trouble for the both of them . Would that be fair on Christie , as all he had done was try to help , and abortion was illegal . As for Timothy , the arguments and the violence would surely point the finger at him for the death of his wife . Christie 's persuasiveness worked , Timothy would agree to whatever Christie said . Christie told Timothy that he would dispose of the body . First , they would both move it down into Kitchener 's empty flat and put the body in the kitchen . Christie would need Timothy 's help with this as he was unable to lift her on his own because of his bad back . Christie then told Timothy that he would get rid of the body later by putting it down the drain outside . Evans would have to leave and so he agreed to stay with his mother . However , he would take Geraldine with him . Christie said this was a bad idea . It would cause too much suspicion . People would see him with Geraldine and begin to wonder where Beryl was . Christie said that he would think of something . Timothy stayed in the flat overnight , and by the next day , Christie had come up with a solution . Christie knew of a young couple who were childless and desperately wanted a baby . They would take Geraldine and Timothy would be assured that she was being looked after . Timothy was to let people know that Beryl had gone away with Geraldine for a holiday . Timothy prepared Geraldine 's things for her move to a new home , having been told by Christie that the couple would be arriving sometime that day to collect her . Joan Vincent returned later that day and she started up the stairs to see Beryl . Christie , seeing her , headed her off and asked what she wanted . When she said that she 'd come to visit Beryl , Christie told her that Beryl and Geraldine had gone away . However , Joan could see the baby furniture and the pram . Christie said it would be better if she did not come back . When the builders finished their work and had left the premises , Christie got both bodies downstairs and out to the back . Beryl and Geraldine , now neatly wrapped in blankets and tablecloths , were hidden in the wash - house and covered with the floorboards that had been left by the workmen . They stayed there until they were discovered by the police on December 2 . After the execution of Timothy Evans , things began to change at 10 Rillington Place . Christie , always a hypochondriac , had become worse . He felt that he was being persecuted , and his mental state caused him to be examined at the Springfield Mental Hospital for a short while , where he was found by Dr . Petit to be " an insignificant , old womanish city man . Girlish voice , mincing walk . Latent homosexual , though not overt . " By 1952 , Christie had quit his job and was now home all the time , and Ethel was not visiting her relatives in Sheffield as much as she did in the past . Christie was frustrated . He wanted to kill again , he had not murdered anyone since Beryl over three years before , and there was an obstacle in his way . Ethel . On the morning of December 14 , 1952 , Christie strangled Ethel as she lay in bed . According to Christie , " I was awakened at about 8 : 15 a . m . I think it was my wife moving about in bed . I sat up and saw that she appeared to be convulsive . Her face was blue and she was choking . I did what I could to try to restore her breathing , but it was hopeless . It appeared too late to call for assistance , that is when I couldn 't bear to see her , so I got a stocking and tied it around her neck to put her to sleep . " He added he had no idea what it was that were causing his wife to have convulsions , but as he got out of bed after her death , he " saw a small bottle and a cup half - full of water on a small table near the bed . I noticed that the bottle contained two pheno - barbitone tablets and it originally contained twenty - five . I knew then that she must have taken the remainder . " Ethel 's post mortem , however , showed no trace of pills in her stomach . He left her in bed for three days as he did not know what to do with her , but then remembered the loose floorboards in the living room , where Ruth Fuerst once spent the night . Christie also began sending out letters from Ethel to relatives that she had written but had not gotten around to mailing before she was killed . Christie changed the date on them to make it appear they were written later . In subsequent letters , he wrote them himself , explaining that Ethel 's rheumatism prevented her from writing and that she was dictating them to him . Christie had been unemployed since December 6 , and needed money . He sold Ethel 's wedding ring and her watch , and started to sell off the furniture . Each week , he went down to the Labour Exchange to collect unemployment benefits , and on January 26 , 1953 , he forged Ethel 's signature and went to the bank where he emptied her account . Sometime between January 2 and 19 , 1953 , Christie had a chance meeting with 25 - year - old Rita Nelson , a prostitute who was six months pregnant . It 's likely that she met Christie in a pub , and once again pretending to have medical knowledge , he persuaded Rita that he could abort the unwanted child . Rita came round to Rillington Place where , as he did with Muriel Eady , had Rita sit in a chair while he helped her put on the gas mask . Once unconscious , her fate was the same as the previous victims , pulled to the floor and raped as he strangled her to death . Christie 's version is different . I lived in the flat and one evening I went up Ladbroke Grove to get some fish and chips for the animals . I had a dog and a cat . On the way back , in Ladbroke Grove , a drunken woman stood in front of me and demanded a pound for me to take her round the corner . I said . ' I am not interested and I haven 't got money to throw away . ' I 'm not like that . I haven 't had intercourse with any women for over two years , my doctor will tell you that . He is Doctor Odess , Colville Square . She then demanded 30 shillings and said she would scream and say I had interfered with her if I didn 't give it to her . I walked away as I am so well known around there and she would have obviously caused a scene . She came along , she wouldn 't go and she came right to the door still demanding 30 shillings . When I opened the door she forced her way in . I went to the kitchen and she was still on about this 30 shillings . I tried to get her out and she picked up a frying pan to hit me . I closed with her and there was a struggle and she fell back on the chair . It was a deck chair . There was a piece of rope hanging from the chair . I don 't know what happened but I must have gone haywire . The next thing I remember she was lying in the chair with the rope round her neck . I don 't remember taking it off . It couldn 't have been tied . I left her there and went into the front room . After that I believe I had a cup of tea and went to bed . A few days after the death of Rita Nelson , Christie went into a café in Notting Hill . The café was crowded and Christie had to share a table with two young women . The two women were talking about their search for a suitable flat for accommodation . Christie gave his account of the meeting . I went into a café in Notting Hill for a cup of tea and a sandwich . The café was pretty full ; there wasn 't much space . Two girls sat at a table and I sat opposite at the same table . They were talking about rooms , where they had been looking to get accommodation . Then one of them spoke to me . She asked me for a cigarette and then started a conversation . During the conversation , I mentioned about leaving my flat and that it would be vacant very soon , and they suggested coming down together to see it in the evening . Only one came down . The one that came down was 26 - year - old Kathleen Maloney , a part time prostitute and nude model . How he got her to sit in the chair while he gassed her is unknown , but as her post mortem showed that she had been drinking heavily , it is likely that she was drunk enough for Christie to handle her with some ease and get the mask over her face . Once again , Christie 's version is self serving . She looked over the flat . She said it would be suitable subject to the landlord 's permission . It was then that she made suggestions that she would visit me for a few days . She said this so that I would use my influence with the landlord as a sort of payment of kind . I was rather annoyed and told her that it didn 't interest me . I think she started saying I was making accusations against her when she saw there was nothing doing . She said that she would bring someone down to me . I believe it was then that she mentioned something about Irish blood . She was in a violent temper . I remember she started fighting . I am very quiet and avoid fighting . I know there was something , it 's in the back of my mind . She was on the floor . I must have put her in the alcove straight away . Hectorina McLennan was Christie 's final victim . On March 3 , the 26 year old was leaving a café with her boyfriend , a man named Baker , when they bumped into Christie . As Baker crossed over the road to chat with a friend , Christie struck up a conversation with Hectorina . During the conversation , she told Christie that she and Baker had just been evicted from their flat and were looking for somewhere else to stay . Christie , no doubt seeing an opportunity , offered them both accommodations at his home for a few days until they could find somewhere more suitable . The girl came back alone . She asked if he had called and I said ' No ' , but I was expecting him . She said she would wait , but I told her she couldn 't and that he may be looking for her , and that she must go and that she couldn 't stay there alone . She was very funny about it . I got hold of her arm and tried to lead her out . I pushed her out of the kitchen . She started struggling like anything and some of her clothing got torn . She then sort of fell limp as I got hold of her . She sank to the ground and I think that some of her clothing must have got caught around her neck in the struggle . She was just out of the kitchen in the passageway . I tried to lift her up but couldn 't . I then pulled her into the kitchen on to a chair . I felt her pulse , but it wasn 't beating . I pulled the cupboard away again and I must have put her in there . The Hunt for the Monster of Rillington Place Christie went to a Rowton House , a hostel for working men , in Kings Cross , where he paid for lodging for seven days , using his real name . But when the news of what had been discovered at Rillington Place hit the headlines , Christie left . For the rest of the time , he wandered around London , sleeping rough and spending most of his time in cafés and movie theatres . Norman Rae was the chief crime reporter for the News Of The World newspaper , and he remembered the Evans case very well , having covered it for the newspaper three years earlier . As with all of the newspapers , the News Of The World was considering the Evans 's side of the story , and Rae was about to become personally involved . It was late at night on March 29 when Rae 's telephone rang at the News Of The World office . Rae picked it up . On the other end , a whispery voice asked Rae if he remembered him . Rae remembered him very well ; he had interviewed Christie three years earlier when he covered the Evans killings . Christie wanted to give Rae an exclusive , and offered to meet a few hours later outside Wood Green Town Hall . Rae said that he would be there . Rae , along with a driver , got over to Wood Green and waited in the darkened car for Christie to show . Soon , there was movement , and Christie appeared in the shadows . On the last day of March , Christie was on the bank of the Thames at Putney Embankment , leaning over the railing and looking at the river . A police constable named Thomas Ledger walked past and thought the man looked suspicious . Ledger stopped and asked the man his name . " John Waddington " replied the man , and said he was 35 years old and was waiting to get his unemployment cards . Ledger asked the man to remove his hat . Once Ledger got a good look at him , with his bald head and his whispering voice , he knew who stood in front of him . Ledger arrested him and took him to Putney Police Station in a police van that happened to be passing at the right moment . Realizing that the pretense would do no good , " John Waddington " gave his real name . John Reginald Halliday Christie , the monster of Rillington Place , had been captured . Over the following few months , Christie would confess to his crimes on three separate occasions . His confessions , though essentially true in that he was the murderer , were designed to show him in the best light , and his explanations as to how and why the killings took place were self serving . Facts were altered , some details were exaggerated , and some details were conveniently forgotten . He gave an account of his life to the Sunday Pictorial newspaper in which he claimed that a powerful and mysterious force that he couldn 't control made him commit the murders . He tried to present himself as someone who was forced to kill his victims by the victims themselves . Ruth asked for it by stripping off and demanding sex . Beryl wanted to commit suicide , all he did was help . His last three victims were violent and the deaths were self defense . Even Ethel 's death was a mercy killing . The truth was that Ethel was in the way , and Christie wanted to pursue his murderous hobby . It also may have been that Ethel had put two and two together , and was beginning to suspect that he may have had a hand in the death of Beryl Evans . Muriel Eady was the only one of his victims that he didn 't blame for her own death . And he never admitted , not officially anyway , that he was responsible for the death of Geraldine Evans . But he couldn 't , not if his defense plan was going to work . With all of his victims , it was their own fault , or , in the case of Ethel , it was a mercy killing . The prostitutes provoked him with their overt sexual attempts or their violent attacks on him , and Beryl wanted to die anyway . None of these excuses could be placed on a 13 - month - old little girl . The truth was that Geraldine was murdered simply to get rid of a problem . If Beryl and Geraldine disappeared , then it could be assumed that they had just left , with Beryl fed up with Timothy and taking the baby with her . If Timothy and Geraldine were together , then people would start asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Beryl , and the truth could come out . The trail could have led back to Christie . So Geraldine had to go . The facts as stated by the prosecution showed a man who was devious , who tried to conceal the murder of his wife by hiding the body underneath the floorboards , who tried to convince others through forged letters that she was still alive . This was a man who had forged his wife 's signature in order to obtain the contents of her bank account by deceit , and then forged her signature to a receipt to say that she had received it . This man had told people that she was with her relatives in Sheffield , and he had told the person to whom he sold the furniture that she had gone away and that he was joining her later . The defense chose to bring into evidence the other killings , which may prove that he was insane . The defense maintained that although Christie knew what he was doing , he did not know that it was wrong . Christie was called on to testify , and throughout his story , he would mumble , or refuse to speak , and answered many of the questions with , " I don 't know " or " I cannot remember . " The prosecution called its psychiatrist for the rebuttal . In his opinion , Christie knew that what he was doing was wrong , he just didn 't care . A second psychiatrist told the court that the " falsification of memory " in which he cannot remember specific details of the murders , which the defense put forth as further proof of insanity , were merely Christie 's attempts to deliberately hide the truth . His lapses of memory were only apparent when it was convenient for him not to remember something that was damning , but his memory appeared to be perfectly sound when he was remembering anything that was of benefit to his defense . The defense had a weak case . It tried to convince the jury that the murder of Ethel Christie was completely motiveless , and only a madman would kill for no reason . Yet a reason had come up . The motive for the murder of Ethel Christie was a by - product of lust . Christie needed Ethel out of the way to continue his lustful killings of the other women . On July 15 , just 20 days after the judge read the sentence , Christie faced the noose at Pentonville Prison , the same noose that Timothy Evans faced just over three years before . With his arms bound , Christie complained that his nose was itchy . The hangman , Albert Pierrepoint reassured Christie , " It won 't bother you for long . " Did Christie kill more than eight people ? It seems likely that these were not his only victims . As a wartime policeman , there would be many opportunities to kill and get rid of the body in a bombed building . The four clumps of pubic hair that didn 't belong to any known victims would point to there being others . And the gaps between killings are long , which is also unusual . But these are questions that can never be answered . For the residents of Rillington Place , life became a nightmare . Sightseers flocked to see the infamous house , crowding the already narrow cul - de - sac . Mrs . Sarah McFadden , the resident at number 3 , organized a petition , which was signed by 83 residents , asking for a change to the street name . It was presented to the council on May 19 , 1953 . Although the council felt that the name change would make no difference to the sightseers , the name was finally changed in May the following year , to Ruston Close . As the council suspected , it didn 't stop the sightseers . But there was a problem , the police had not done their job . The fact was the police investigation into the deaths of Beryl and Geraldine was a mess . When Evans told the police in Wales that he had disposed of his wife , they were certain that he was responsible . The fact that it took three men to lift the cover on the drain showed that Evans was a liar . The police , believing that they had their man , were determined that he should not escape justice . Evans , after being told that his wife 's body was not where he told them it would be , told them that Christie did it . The police decided that this was just to shift the blame . They may have been right , but they should still have checked Christie 's background , just to be on the safe side . If they had , Christie past convictions , including one for the " murderous attack " on a woman , would have come to light , and Christie would not have been regarded as the decent and upstanding citizen that he pretended to be . But beyond that , there were other aspects of the " investigation " that were , at best , criminally negligent . While searching for Beryl 's body in the garden , the police failed to notice a human thigh bone propping up the sagging fence , even though the garden was , supposedly , examined . Some other bones were visible , thanks to Christie 's dog having dug them up . Shortly after the police search , the dog pulled up the skull of Muriel Eady . Christie slipped it under his coat and walked past the policemen waiting outside the house and threw it into a bombed out house in St . Mark 's Road , where it was discovered shortly after . It was handed in to the police , who decided it was a bomb victim . Why did they not question the fact that the house had been bombed eight or nine years before , but the skull only discovered now ? Why did they not consider it to be too much of a coincidence that they find a skull at the same time as they are looking for a body just around the corner ? It defied explanation . The discovery of the clipping concerning the Stanley Setty murder told the police that Evans was going to get rid of the bodies in the same manner . Why would he have a clipping otherwise . The problem was , why would he have a clipping at all , he couldn 't read , it would have been indecipherable to him . But Christie was known to be an avid clipper . The bodies of Beryl and Geraldine were found in the wash - house on December 2 , and had been dead for three weeks . That , according to the police thinking , is where Evans left them . But the workmen who had been doing work there since October had been using the wash - house to store their tools , and the bodies were certainly not there during that time . The workmen had only finished using the wash - house the day before the bodies were discovered . The workmen also stated that the wood that was used to cover the bodies was from floorboards that had been taken up after Evans had left , and the wood had been given to Christie . With this evidence , the guilt of Timothy Evans should have been , at the very least , questioned . He couldn 't have moved the bodies to the wash - house the day before ; he was already in police custody . But the confessions were proof that Evans committed the murders . They were very detailed and accurate , he knew where the bodies were , he knew how they had been killed , and he knew what they were wearing . How could he know so much detail if he was not the killer . The fact was that all of these details were already known to the police , and the police coached Evans in what to say during the confession . Evans was fearful of the police , there had been hints of violence if he didn 't come clean , and with this threat over him Evans was scared that he would be hurt . As they fed him the details of the murders , he agreed that it was so , and after a long night of interrogation ( and not the 75 minutes that the police stated it took ) , Evans had confessed to a murder that he didn 't commit in details that should have been known only to the killer . But the workmen who were at 10 Rillington Place were never called . In addition , the police re - interviewed the workmen , and managed to get some of them at least to change their story to fit in with the theory that Evans killed his family . According to one source , they even produced a photograph of a dead baby ( not connected to the case ) to manipulate the workers emotionally . In his summing up , the judge presented the jury with two options . Either Dr . Teare , the pathologist was lying about the post mortem results , or Evans was lying . He pointed out that Evans had a reputation and a record as a habitual liar , and pointed out the luminous reputation of Christie . The newspaper cutting about the Setty murder was referred to in the inquiry , showing that Evans probably planned to dispose of the bodies in the same manner . The fact that Evans was illiterate and couldn 't read , and that Christie was known to be an avid newspaper clipper , was also dismissed . Other evidence that would have pointed to Evans being innocent of the charge was also ignored . In Parliament , the report was viciously attacked . Geoffrey Bing , QC , the MP for Hornchurch delivered what , at the time , was called by Michael Foot , " one of the most formidable which has been delivered in this house for many years . " Bing stated , " The whole of the report was shot through with prejudice and evidence of all sorts of irregularities . " Michael Foot said it was not worth the paper it had been written on , and Reginald Paget said that it deliberately concealed the truth and was dishonest . One man stood up and gave his support to a growing campaign for justice for Timothy Evans . He was James Chuter Ede , later Baron Chuter - Ede , who in 1950 was the Home Secretary at the time of Evans ' execution . He concluded that a terrible mistake had been made . In 1955 , The Man on Your Conscience was published . Written by Michael Eddowes , it was the first important book on the case , and generated a renewed interest . Four influential editors , Ian Gilmour of The Spectator , John Grigg of The National and English Review , Sir Lynton Andrews of The Yorkshire Post , and David Astor of The Observer petitioned the Home secretary for a new inquiry . It was denied . Kennedy also stressed the evidence given by Dr . Teare that there were signs of sexual penetration of Beryl 's body , suggesting the murderer was sexually aroused by the act of killing , and possibly a necrophiliac . This evidence was suppressed by Evans 's own defense . Had this come up in court , it would have removed some suspicion from Evans who may have been short tempered and violent , but was certainly not a necrophiliac , and would not have had sex with his wife 's body . By now , Britain had a new Home Secretary , R . A . Butler . The campaigners , including Labour MP Sir Frank Soskice , asked for a new inquiry , and Butler said that he would examine the evidence that was presented in the book . Just over seven weeks later , Butler made his decision . No inquiry . With the Governments reversed , Labour , after years of vociferous campaigning for the inquiry , took on the former Governments position and was now refusing it . The Conservative 's , in their turn , took up Labour 's former stance , and were now pushing for an inquiry . " I do not think that an inquiry would serve any useful purpose at this stage . I think it would be kinder not to express views one way or the other . " said Soskice . Herbert Wolfe was a German refugee living in Darlington , who had arrived in Britain in 1933 to escape what was happening in his own country . To him , the concept of British justice was precious and something that should not be taken for granted . He had read Kennedy 's book and , convinced of the innocence of Timothy Evans , wrote an article that he sent to the editor of his local paper , The Northern Echo . Darlington is far from London , and the local paper could hardly have any influence on the Government . But the editor happened to be Harold Evans , an exceptional journalist who would go on to become editor of The Sunday Times and is now editor at large for Reuters . He said , " After receiving Wolfe 's article , I got hold of Kennedy 's book . I read it on the train to London , and became so angry I wanted to pull the communication cord . I thought , this is an outrage ; something must be done about it . " Every day , for months , Evans published something about the case . He produced pamphlets , while Wolfe ceaselessly telephoned people about the case . On July 28 , 1965 , with Ludovic Kennedy as its chairman , the Timothy Evans committee was formed . With the press coverage that was generated , Evans pressed the Prime Minister Harold Wilson , who capitulated and promised that the Government would do something . The conclusion was bizarre . Christie , the report decided , did kill Geraldine Evans , but Timothy killed Beryl . Despite this astonishing conclusion , the report did agree that a jury could not have convicted Evans on any murder if all of the available evidence had been presented in court . Mary Westlake , Evans ' half - sister , and his sister Eileen Ashby , were awarded payment as compensation for their brothers ' miscarriage of justice , in January 2003 . Lord Brennan , the independent assessor for the Home Office , stated that " the conviction and execution of Timothy Evans for the murder of his child was wrongful and a miscarriage of justice . " He went on to add , " there is no evidence to implicate Timothy Evans in the murder of his wife . She was most probably murdered by Christie . " Brennan believed that Brabin 's conclusion that Evans murdered Beryl should be rejected . The following year , on November 16 , Mary Westlake appealed to the High Court . She wanted them to overturn a decision made by the Criminal Cases Review Commission not to refer Evans 's case to the Court of Appeal . Her argument was that though he had been pardoned , it had not formally erased his conviction for murder . The Evans Case Helps Fire the Anti - Death Penalty Movement in Great Britain Although the case of Timothy Evans was a boost to those who were opposed to capital punishment , it wasn 't the only one to have an impact , and it wasn 't , as some have thought , one of the cases that started the abolition campaign . The truth is that the abolition question had been around for several decades . However there is no doubt that the Evans case was of major importance for those wishing to end the practice . Capital punishment was suspended as a five year experiment , and became permanent in 1969 . But this was only for murder . Until 1971 , the death penalty remained for causing a fire or explosion in a naval dockyard , and remained until 1981 for espionage . Piracy that included violence was still a hanging crime until 1998 , as was treason and various offenses within the military . AboutWith the purpose of writing about true crime in an authoritative , fact - based manner , veteran journalists J . J . Maloney and J . Patrick O ' Connor launched Crime Magazine in November of 1998 . Their goal was to cover all aspects of true crime : Read More

John Reginald Halliday Christie Serial Killer Reg Christie pinned one of his eight murders on the witless Timothy Evans before he was discovered to be the " Monster of 10 Rillington Place . " Evans 's execution by hanging - and his posthumous pardon - helped lead to the abolishment of the death penalty in Great Britain . by Mark Pulham When most people think of Notting Hill , there are a few things that first come to mind . One could be the Notting Hill carnival , a colorful event held every year by the West Indian community and , after Rio , the second largest street carnival in the world . Or it may be Portobello Road , home to the worlds largest Antiques Market , held every Saturday , and also the home to the Portobello Film Festival , where over 700 films have had their premiers . Rillington Place was a typical street in the area . Number 10 was a narrow , dreary , and depressing house at the end of a narrow , dreary , and depressing cul - de - sac . Built probably around 1869 , it was a grimy and cramped house that had been , like many others , split into three flats , one on each floor . At the beginning of 1948 , only two of the flats were occupied . In the ground floor flat lived the Christies , Reg and Ethel . Their flat consisted of a front living room , a back bedroom , and a kitchen , which included a pantry or cupboard . A passageway led from the front door of the house through to the back door , splitting the Christie 's kitchen from their other rooms . Outside , there was a small wash - house with a sink and a boiler , where the occupants could do small amounts of laundry . Also outside was the only lavatory , which everyone had to use . Access to both of these was through the passageway that separated the Christie 's kitchen from the rest of their flat . Even before he was born , he had lost someone . His father , Daniel , had walked out on his pregnant wife Thomasina and their daughter , 3 - year - old Eileen . Nothing was heard from Daniel again . Young Timothy had problems as a child . He would have unmanageable tantrums and had trouble learning to speak . He also had a low IQ and had great difficulty learning anything at school . To make matters worse , at the age of 8 , he suffered an injury to his right foot and he developed a tubular plantar wart . It never healed completely , and much of his time was spent at the hospital , which only added to his lack of education . Timothy 's older sister , Eileen , had found a place for them . It wasn 't too far away , just around the corner in Rillington Place . The young couple moved into number 10 . On October 10 , 1948 , at Queen Charlotte 's Maternity Hospital , Beryl gave birth to a baby daughter who they named Geraldine . Her arrival could not have helped . There was now less space in the small two roomed flat , and Timothy 's wages were barely enough to cover the two of them , let alone a baby as well . He told them that he had disposed of his wife . Her body had been put down a drain outside his home in London . The police took him to Merthyr Tydfil police station where Detective Sergeant Gough and Detective Constable Evans took a statement . According to Timothy , it had all been an accident . Beryl was anxious to have the second pregnancy terminated , but abortion was illegal in Britain at that time . Timothy told the police that he met a man in the pub who told him he had something that would do the trick . If Beryl took it , it would cause an abortion . The man gave him a bottle which contained some mixture for Beryl to drink . It took three of them to lift the manhole cover , a sign in itself that Evans was lying , there was no way a man of his short stature could have lifted the cover alone . They looked down the drain and could see that there was no body down there . In any case , the drain was too narrow for a body to fit . Evans had to be lying . The police at Merthyr Tydfil were informed that nothing was found , and they told Timothy . He was then questioned again . Timothy changed his story , saying he may as well tell them the truth . He now told them that Beryl had died when their ground floor neighbor , Reg Christie , had tried to give her an abortion . Reg said that the last time he saw Beryl Evans was on Tuesday , November 8 . It was around midday and he saw her go out with Geraldine . He said that she looked scared about something . That same night , around midnight , he and Ethel were woken up by noises coming from upstairs , thumping sounds , as if someone was moving stuff around . It couldn 't have been Mr . Kitchener , Reg explained , as he was in the hospital . It had to have come from Evans 's flat . As the noise didn 't last for very long , they thought no more about it , and both went back to sleep . The following day , Evans came down to see the Christies . He explained to them that he was upset with his boss at work and had quit his van driver job . According to Christie , he was going to move to Bristol to be with Beryl , and so he had decided to sell all of his furniture . Evans had also been around to see his mother , and to her , he told a different story . He told her that Beryl had gone , not to Bristol , but to Brighton , to see her father . This seemed odd to Timothy 's mother . She knew that Beryl and her father did not get along . Why would she go there ? The Notting Hill Police , their suspicions aroused , did a quick search of the house and the garden , but nothing much was found . The only thing of significance was a newspaper clipping found in the Evans 's flat . The clipping was about the recent Stanley Setty murder case . The month before , Setty 's neatly wrapped torso had been discovered in some marshes in Essex . Had Timothy Evans done the same with his wife ? A briefcase was also found in the Evans flat , and it turned out to be stolen . Informed of the briefcase , the Merthyr Tydfil police charged Evans with theft and he was to be returned to London . The theft charge allowed the police to hold him while the search for Beryl continued . On December 2 , the police returned to number 10 , and the search this time produced grisly results . They tried to get into the tiny wash - house at the back of the building , but the door had become stuck . Ethel found a piece of metal that could be used to pry the door open and gave it to the police . They forced the door open and looked inside . It was dark in the wash - house , but they could see that there was some wood stacked up against the sink . One of the officers felt behind the wood and could feel some sort of package . The wood was removed and they found what appeared to be a large parcel wrapped up in a green tablecloth . They turned to Ethel and asked her what it may be , and she told them she had never seen it before . The police pulled the package out and untied the cord that was holding the package together . No sooner was the package loosened when out slipped a pair of feet . Unwrapped , the package revealed the moldering corpse of Beryl Evans . She had been beaten and strangled . The bodies were taken to Kensington Mortuary where the Home Office pathologist conducted the post mortems . Bruising over the right eye and on the lip showed that Beryl had been hit , probably more than once , and then she had been strangled with cord or rope . There was no evidence that any attempt at an abortion had taken place , though there was some bruising inside the vagina , indicating there may have been an attempt at sex . Timothy Evans was returned to London . He believed he was going to be questioned about the stolen briefcase that had been found in his flat . However , when he arrived at the train station accompanied by police officers , there were photographers waiting to take pictures of him . It was clear to Evans that this was not about the briefcase . She was incurring one debt after another and I could not stand it any longer , so I strangled her with a piece of rope and took her down to the flat below the same night whilst the old man [ Mr . Kitchener ] was in hospital . I waited until the Christies downstairs had gone to bed , then I took her to the wash - house after midnight . This was on Tuesday 8 November . On Thursday evening after I came home from work I strangled my baby in our bedroom with my tie and later that night I took her down into the wash - house after the Christies had gone to bed . Later , Timothy Evans would make a longer confession that , according to the police , took 75 minutes to write and read back to him . This confession goes into greater detail about the murders . He told of how he got angry and how he hit Beryl , and then , in an uncontrollable fit of temper , he strangled her . He told of how he got her body downstairs and into the wash - house and used the wood to cover her body before locking the door . The trial of Timothy Evans began on January 11 , 1950 at the Old Bailey . Unlike the present day , in the 1950 's you could only be tried for one murder at a time . Mr . Christmas Humphries was the prosecutor , and he wanted to avoid the defense motive of provocation that the defense would surely put forth if the trial was for the murder of Beryl Evans . With Geraldine , there could be no such motive , and so , although the murder of Beryl would be included in the testimony , the trial was for the murder of his 13 - month old - daughter . The prosecution 's case was simple . Evans and Beryl were in a difficult relationship . Their marriage was under a great deal of strain , with little money coming in , a baby to feed and clothe , and now , a second baby on the way . Dr . Teare gave his evidence , and Christie was also called by the prosecution . With Christie , Morris thought he saw a way to help with the defense . He had discovered that Christie had some past criminal convictions and hoped that would at least discredit him as a witness . It didn 't work . It did the opposite . Christie , for all his past faults , had not been in any trouble for the past 17 years . The jury was impressed by this man and the fact that he had turned his life around to become a model citizen . Reg Christie was a war hero , having been gassed during the First World War , which had left him with his soft voice . He had also been a War reserve policeman during World War Two . But the evidence was all against him . Evans had described the murders in precise and accurate detail , because , the prosecution pointed out , he was the one who committed the murders . Only the killer would know the details so clearly . Morris pointed to the second confession given by Evans in which he implicated Christie . Morris hoped that it would confuse the issue and raise a reasonable doubt . But it was useless . Evans was a known liar , he was a known drunk , he was known to be violent , and he was known to have a short temper . He 'd admitted to the murders in more than one statement . The jury filed out of the courtroom for its deliberations , but was back within 40 minutes . The verdict , reached swiftly , was a foregone conclusion . Timothy John Evans was found guilty on the charge of murdering his 13 - month - old daughter . The sentence was death by hanging . Christie , still in the courtroom , burst into a flood of tears . Other news quickly replaced that rapidly dwindling interest in the killings . That same year , in July , Sainsbury 's opened the first purpose built supermarket , and in August , Princess Elizabeth gave birth to her second child , Princess Anne . In November , George Bernard Shaw died at the age of 94 . In addition to the top flat now being empty after the murders , the second floor flat was also vacant as Charles Kitchener had also moved out . Ethel Christie also wanted to move away , the new tenants scared her , and Reg had gone into a depression after the trial . Reg had also lost his job , thanks to some of the disclosures about his convictions that were revealed at the trial . By the end of 1952 , Reg was living alone . Reg had found a new job up in Sheffield , and Ethel had already left , having relatives there . Reg would join her later . Reg was desperate to move out and sold all of his furniture . He stayed in the unfurnished flat well into March 1953 , when he met a woman named Reilly . She told Christie that she was looking for a flat to rent , and Christie said that she could have his . She came round with her husband and had a look at the flat . They thought it would suit them , and Christie took three months rent in advance off them . Christie then borrowed a suitcase from them , put the last of his things in it , and left on March 20 , 1953 . The Reilly 's didn 't get much of a chance to settle in . The next day , the landlord came around and was surprised to find them there . He was angry ; Christie had no right to rent the place out as it wasn 't his . Beresford liked music while he worked , and so the first thing he wanted to do was put up a shelf so he had somewhere to put his radio . He began to tap on the walls to find a suitable spot , and one part of the wall sounded hollow . There had to be some sort of space behind the wall . At the edge , some of the wallpaper was coming away and he pulled on that . He found the door that led to the pantry or cupboard . He managed to get the door partly open , and then he grabbed his flashlight and looked through the crack in the door . What he saw made him reel back in horror . The beam from his flashlight had revealed a woman sitting there , her back toward him . She was semi - naked and obviously dead . Beresford called the police . Several officers arrived and the door to the pantry was opened . The woman sat with her back toward them , leaning forward . The police took her out and moved her to the front room for examination . She was wearing only a bra , a garter belt , and stockings . Her wrists had been bound together by a handkerchief tied in a reef knot , and some clothing had been wedged between her legs to act as a diaper to absorb seepage from her vagina and rectum . There was another object in the cupboard , wrapped in a blanket . The police removed it , and found that it was the body of a second woman . In the cupboard , she had been placed upside down on her head and leaned against the wall . The police were not finished yet . They removed a third body , like the second placed upside down in the cupboard . This victim had her ankles bound , this time with electrical cord , and once again , a reef knot was used . Also tied with a reef knot was the cloth used to cover her head . If the police felt relieved and thought that it was now over , that relief was short lived . Noticing that the floorboards in the living room were loose , the police took them up . There was some loose rubble underneath and , after a short dig , they found the remains of a fourth woman . Back at the mortuary , the post mortems began . The first body to be found was that of a brunette in her early to mid twenties . She had been dead for around four weeks , killed by a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and strangulation . It was determined that she had been suffering from the effects of the carbon monoxide gas when she was strangled with a smooth surfaced cord . There were scratch marks along her back which indicated that she had been dragged along the floor after she was dead . There were also indications that sexual intercourse had also taken place . The next body was also in her mid - twenties with light brown hair . She seemed to have been in good health when she died . She had a pinkish color to her , which indicated that she too had been poisoned with carbon monoxide gas . Like the first , she had also been strangled . She showed signs of heavy drinking on the day that she had died , and she had also had sexual intercourse , either just before or just after she had died . She was wearing a cardigan and a vest , and another vest had been placed between her legs to act as a diaper . She had been dead somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks . The third body , this time a blonde , was , like the first two , in her mid - twenties . Once more , the pinkness of the corpse indicated that she had been gassed before strangulation had taken place . This victim wore a dress , a petticoat , two vests , a bra , and a cardigan . Once more , there was a piece of cloth between the legs to act as a diaper . This victim was also six months pregnant . Once again , sexual intercourse seemed to have occurred either just before or just after death . When the fourth body arrived the next morning , it was clear that there was a significant difference between this one and the first three . First of all , she was older , somewhere in her mid fifties , a plump woman , with missing teeth . A flowered dress and a silk nightgown were wrapped around the body , and then wrapped once more in a flannel blanket . Her head had been covered by a pillowcase . It did not take long to identify the victims . The three younger victims turned out to be prostitutes that Christie had invited back to the flat . They were Rita Nelson , aged 25 , Kathleen Maloney , aged 26 , and Hectorina McLennan , also aged 26 . The older woman who was found under the floor was Ethel Christie . The search of Number 10 continued the next day . Among the things found was an old tobacco tin which , when opened , was found to contain four tufts of pubic hair . None of the pubic hair matched the victims . In the garden , more searchers discovered a human femur , in plain view , propping up the sagging back fence . More bones were discovered , along with some hair and some parts of a dress . By the time the search was completed , they had two more victims , though one of them was missing a head . Both were female . It wasn 't long before both of the victims were identified . Ruth Fuerst was 21 years old when she disappeared . A tall girl at five - foot - eight , she had left Austria in 1939 to come to London . She went missing on August 24 , 1943 . Muriel Eady worked at Ultra Radio Works in 1944 . One day , the 32 year old met a fellow worker in the canteen . His name was Reg Christie . She vanished in October of that year . She was last seen wearing a black wool dress , just like the scraps of a dress that was found in the garden . Some hair that was found also matched Muriel 's . Six bodies were found in total , and now the hunt was on for Christie . John Reginald Halliday Christie was born on April 8 , 1899 , in an isolated house known as " Black Boy " in Turner Lane , Shibden , a small village a few miles east of Halifax , Yorkshire . According to Christie himself , he had a very rosy childhood . He enjoyed school , was excellent at math , and was good at games , especially soccer . He loved animals , a love that lasted all of his life , and at one point , he was an assistant Scout master and a member of the local choir . Christie 's father , Ernest John Christie , was feared in his home . He was a severe and tyrannical man whose temper would explode on the slightest annoyance . Reg was scared of his father and his grandfather . At the age of 8 , Reg experienced death for the first time , when his hated grandfather died . The body was laid out in the house for visitors to come and pay their respects and , like the rest of the family , Reg viewed the body . It must have been a revelation to Reg , that this man , who scared him so badly while he was alive , now didn 't scare him at all in death . It is likely that this is the moment when Reg saw that the dead cannot hurt you , and this lasted into his adult life . Soon after , Reg began playing in the local cemetery where he liked to look at the graves . In June , 1918 , Christie was caught in a mustard gas attack , and spent a month in hospital . According to Christie , he was blinded by the gas for three months and unable to talk for three and a half years because of the attack . There is no evidence of his blindness , and although he may have been unable to speak for a short while , it was more likely due to a psychological reason , and not a physical one . Even so , it could not have been for the length of time that he claimed as just seven weeks later he was declared fit enough for active duty . During his time in the army , Christie became a frequent customer of prostitutes . He discovered that as he didn 't have to please them or prove his manhood , he was able to perform normally . However , they had to be compliant and unresponsive for him to achieve erection and penetration . After he left the army , he met Ethel Simpson Waddington , a very passive girl , which suited Christie . On May 10 , 1920 , they married at Halifax Registry Office . But Christie 's sexual problems remained , and during their courtship , they never had sex at all . Christie , instead , continued to use the services of prostitutes for his sexual needs . In January , 1923 , he found himself in trouble again . This time , he was convicted of obtaining money by false pretences and violent conduct . For this , he received a sentence of 12 months probation . The following year , 1924 , he got nine months hard labor for stealing goods and money . By this time , Ethel was fed up with her husbands petty stealing and inability to hold down a job . She left him and moved in with relatives . Christie moved down to London . By 1929 , Christie was living in Battersea , South London , with a prostitute , and once more , Christie found himself in trouble . In what was described by the judge as a " murderous attack , " Christie had clubbed the prostitute across the head with a cricket bat . Yet , despite the severity of the attack , Christie was only sentenced to six months hard labor . While in prison , Christie got in touch with Ethel and asked if she would visit him . Ethel was lonely , and dismissing the past , came to see him . After Christie was released from prison , Ethel and Christie decided to put the past behind them and reconcile . They moved back in together . In 1934 , Christie was hit by a car while he was out cycling . Taken to hospital , he had to have an operation on his knee . Once again , playing for sympathy , he exaggerated his injuries , stating that he was unconscious for more than an hour , a fact that is not mentioned in hospital records . Christie , for the first time in his life , was in a position of power , and he used it . His neighbors began to dislike this man who abused his position and acted like a bully . He even got himself a new nickname , " The Himmler of Rillington Place . " While he was at Harrow Road , Christie met a married woman whose husband was fighting overseas , and he began to see her in secret , although whether there was a sexual relationship is unknown . The relationship lasted until the middle of 1943 , when the husband returned home unexpectedly and caught them together . Christie took a beating from the husband , and this may have been the trigger that started the murders . In 1943 , most likely after his beating , Christie , still a War Reserve policeman , visited a snack bar in Ladbroke Grove . He was there , supposedly , on police business , though he was actually off duty at the time . While there , he caught the eye of a 21 - year - old Austrian girl named Ruth Fuerst , who worked at a munitions factory and lived not far from Rillington Place . There is some suggestion , likely correct , that Ruth supplemented her income by working as a prostitute part time . Christie struck up a conversation with her , and a relationship began . Soon , they were meeting regularly , and one day in August , Christie took Ruth back to 10 Rillington Place . Ethel was away visiting relatives in Sheffield and Christie had the flat to himself . According to Christie , he and Ruth were in the bedroom at 10 Rillington Place when suddenly , " She undressed and wanted me to have intercourse with her . I got a telegram while she was there , saying that my wife was on her way home . The girl wanted us to team up together and go right away somewhere together . I would not do that . I got on the bed and had intercourse with her . I strangled her with a piece of rope . " The next day , Ethel 's brother left , and Ethel went off to work , leaving Christie to carry on with the disposal of his first victim . After removing the floorboards , he dragged Ruth out to the wash - house in the back and hid the body there . Then he began to dig a grave for her in the garden . Before he had finished , Ethel came home , and they had a cup of tea together . That night , after Ethel had gone to bed , Christie stayed up and carried on with his grisly task . When the hole was deep enough , he went to the wash - house and dragged the body of Ruth Fuerst over to the grave and dropped her in , along with her clothes . He then filled the hole and went to bed . Christie would later admit that he felt a powerful thrill as he looked down at his first victim . The next day , Christie raked over the area where he had buried the body , and accidentally pulled up some of the clothing . This he put in an old dustbin that was used for burning rubbish . Some months later , Christie accidentally dug up Ruth 's skull . This went into the dustbin as well , where it would eventually be discovered during the police search . Muriel suffered from bronchial catarrh and had told Christie about it . Christie had always liked to give the impression he had some medical knowledge , a claim supported by the " medical " books that he owned , which were really nothing more than books he had picked up as a first aid worker . Some even believed that he was a doctor who had been struck off for some reason . Christie told Muriel that he could help with her problem , and he invited her around the Rillington Place for some treatment . It was October , 1944 , and Ethel was , once again , away visiting relatives in Sheffield , leaving Christie home alone . It was the opportunity he had been waiting for . He invited Muriel around and made her a cup of tea , and then showed her the device that he would use to cure her of her problems with catarrh . It was a fairly simple device . A square jar with a metal lid held the special inhalant that smelled of Friar 's Balsam . The lid had two holes in it , and through these holes were two tubes . One of the tubes went down into the liquid while the other end trailed off around the back of the deck chair that she was to sit in . The other tube did not go into the liquid , and the other end was attached to a home made mask that the user would breathe through . As Muriel breathed deeply , Christie reached behind the chair . The other end of the tubing that went into the liquid was attached to the coal gas pipe . Christie released the gas , and Muriel , unable to smell the poisonous carbon monoxide gas because of the Friar 's Balsam , quickly went limp as consciousness faded away . The sexually aroused Christie began to strangle Muriel as he penetrated her body . Soon he was finished , and Muriel was dead . Christie had cured her catarrh , and any other ailment she may have been suffering from . Once again , he dragged the body out to the wash - house where it remained while he dug another grave in the garden . Muriel was buried not too far from where Ruth Fuerst lay . When , some time later , Christie managed to dig up her femur by accident , he just used it to prop up the sagging fence . It is probable that Christie felt a desire for Beryl Evans right from the beginning , he just had to bide his time . Timothy Evans was impressed with his soft spoken neighbor , who was obviously educated beyond Evans 's capabilities , especially as he had medical knowledge , or so he hinted . Christie showed Timothy his " medical " books , and Evans would believe anything Christie said . Christie had to have realized that here was a man who could be manipulated and easily tricked . And when the time came , Christie struck . With a second baby on the way , Beryl wanted to have an abortion , and who better to turn to than their neighbor , a respectable former policeman with medical expertise . He would surely help . But when Timothy Evans found out about Beryl 's plan to get rid of the baby , he wanted no part of it , and he told Christie that they were not interested in getting an abortion . Christie , seeing an opportunity slip away , tried to persuade him that everything would be okay , but Timothy still refused . But Beryl was still insistent , and would go through with it . A short while later , Timothy discovered that money he had been giving to Beryl for housekeeping had been spent on other things , and a serious argument broke out . Timothy threatened to leave , and Beryl told him to go . Instead , he went to the movies . There were workmen in the house the next day . They had been coming since the end of October , working on the wash - house and the roof , and ripping out walls and floors where Christie felt there was a problem . Kitchener was away in the hospital , and apart from the workmen , Christie and Beryl were alone in the house . According to Christie , he came upstairs to Beryl sometime around midday . She had made preparations by spreading out a quilt in front of the fire . When Christie came in , Beryl lay down upon it . Christie is then unclear about what happened next . In one account , Beryl went into a panic and Christie started to hit her . He then pulled out a cord and strangled her . In one of his accounts he says that he tried to have intercourse with her , but he couldn 't , and in another account , he states that he did have intercourse with her . He also stated that a short while before , Beryl had tried to kill herself with gas , and he had found her lying on the floor in front of the fire with the gas on . He opened the door and the windows to get rid of the gas , then made her a cup of tea and comforted her . According to Christie , the next day she asked him to help her commit suicide , and " she said she would do anything … I think she was referring to letting me be intimate with her . " Once again , the death was not his fault , she wanted to die . All he did was help her . " I turned the gas tap on and as near as I can make out I held it close to her face . When she became unconscious I turned the tap off . I was going to try to have intercourse with her but it was impossible . I couldn 't bend over . I think that is when I strangled her . " Which of his accounts , if any , is the true one is not clear , though it is more likely that he attempted sex but couldn 't do it as he was suffering from back pains at the time , making some movement difficult . Joan Vincent was a friend of Beryl 's , and around this time , she paid a call on her . She was surprised to find that the door to Beryl 's flat was closed , something Beryl never did . Joan knocked on the door but there was no answer , which was also a surprise as Beryl was usually home at this time . Joan tried the door , which opened a little and then was blocked . Joan said later that although there was no sound , she was certain that there was someone on the other side of the door , blocking it from opening . If this is true , then Christie must have been in a panic , but managed to show coolness under pressure . When Timothy arrived home from work that evening , he found Christie waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs . He told Evans to go up , he would follow behind . When they reached the top floor , Christie told Timothy that it was bad news . The abortion procedure didn 't work , and Beryl had died . Christie led the distraught Timothy into the bedroom where , lying on the bed and covered with a blanket , was the body of his wife , Beryl . Timothy was distressed and vulnerable , and open to suggestion . Christie persuaded Timothy that going to the police would just cause trouble for the both of them . Would that be fair on Christie , as all he had done was try to help , and abortion was illegal . As for Timothy , the arguments and the violence would surely point the finger at him for the death of his wife . Christie 's persuasiveness worked , Timothy would agree to whatever Christie said . Christie told Timothy that he would dispose of the body . First , they would both move it down into Kitchener 's empty flat and put the body in the kitchen . Christie would need Timothy 's help with this as he was unable to lift her on his own because of his bad back . Christie then told Timothy that he would get rid of the body later by putting it down the drain outside . Evans would have to leave and so he agreed to stay with his mother . However , he would take Geraldine with him . Christie said this was a bad idea . It would cause too much suspicion . People would see him with Geraldine and begin to wonder where Beryl was . Christie said that he would think of something . Timothy stayed in the flat overnight , and by the next day , Christie had come up with a solution . Christie knew of a young couple who were childless and desperately wanted a baby . They would take Geraldine and Timothy would be assured that she was being looked after . Timothy was to let people know that Beryl had gone away with Geraldine for a holiday . Timothy prepared Geraldine 's things for her move to a new home , having been told by Christie that the couple would be arriving sometime that day to collect her . Joan Vincent returned later that day and she started up the stairs to see Beryl . Christie , seeing her , headed her off and asked what she wanted . When she said that she 'd come to visit Beryl , Christie told her that Beryl and Geraldine had gone away . However , Joan could see the baby furniture and the pram . Christie said it would be better if she did not come back . When the builders finished their work and had left the premises , Christie got both bodies downstairs and out to the back . Beryl and Geraldine , now neatly wrapped in blankets and tablecloths , were hidden in the wash - house and covered with the floorboards that had been left by the workmen . They stayed there until they were discovered by the police on December 2 . After the execution of Timothy Evans , things began to change at 10 Rillington Place . Christie , always a hypochondriac , had become worse . He felt that he was being persecuted , and his mental state caused him to be examined at the Springfield Mental Hospital for a short while , where he was found by Dr . Petit to be " an insignificant , old womanish city man . Girlish voice , mincing walk . Latent homosexual , though not overt . " By 1952 , Christie had quit his job and was now home all the time , and Ethel was not visiting her relatives in Sheffield as much as she did in the past . Christie was frustrated . He wanted to kill again , he had not murdered anyone since Beryl over three years before , and there was an obstacle in his way . Ethel . On the morning of December 14 , 1952 , Christie strangled Ethel as she lay in bed . According to Christie , " I was awakened at about 8 : 15 a . m . I think it was my wife moving about in bed . I sat up and saw that she appeared to be convulsive . Her face was blue and she was choking . I did what I could to try to restore her breathing , but it was hopeless . It appeared too late to call for assistance , that is when I couldn 't bear to see her , so I got a stocking and tied it around her neck to put her to sleep . " He added he had no idea what it was that were causing his wife to have convulsions , but as he got out of bed after her death , he " saw a small bottle and a cup half - full of water on a small table near the bed . I noticed that the bottle contained two pheno - barbitone tablets and it originally contained twenty - five . I knew then that she must have taken the remainder . " Ethel 's post mortem , however , showed no trace of pills in her stomach . He left her in bed for three days as he did not know what to do with her , but then remembered the loose floorboards in the living room , where Ruth Fuerst once spent the night . Christie also began sending out letters from Ethel to relatives that she had written but had not gotten around to mailing before she was killed . Christie changed the date on them to make it appear they were written later . In subsequent letters , he wrote them himself , explaining that Ethel 's rheumatism prevented her from writing and that she was dictating them to him . Christie had been unemployed since December 6 , and needed money . He sold Ethel 's wedding ring and her watch , and started to sell off the furniture . Each week , he went down to the Labour Exchange to collect unemployment benefits , and on January 26 , 1953 , he forged Ethel 's signature and went to the bank where he emptied her account . Sometime between January 2 and 19 , 1953 , Christie had a chance meeting with 25 - year - old Rita Nelson , a prostitute who was six months pregnant . It 's likely that she met Christie in a pub , and once again pretending to have medical knowledge , he persuaded Rita that he could abort the unwanted child . Rita came round to Rillington Place where , as he did with Muriel Eady , had Rita sit in a chair while he helped her put on the gas mask . Once unconscious , her fate was the same as the previous victims , pulled to the floor and raped as he strangled her to death . Christie 's version is different . I lived in the flat and one evening I went up Ladbroke Grove to get some fish and chips for the animals . I had a dog and a cat . On the way back , in Ladbroke Grove , a drunken woman stood in front of me and demanded a pound for me to take her round the corner . I said . ' I am not interested and I haven 't got money to throw away . ' I 'm not like that . I haven 't had intercourse with any women for over two years , my doctor will tell you that . He is Doctor Odess , Colville Square . She then demanded 30 shillings and said she would scream and say I had interfered with her if I didn 't give it to her . I walked away as I am so well known around there and she would have obviously caused a scene . She came along , she wouldn 't go and she came right to the door still demanding 30 shillings . When I opened the door she forced her way in . I went to the kitchen and she was still on about this 30 shillings . I tried to get her out and she picked up a frying pan to hit me . I closed with her and there was a struggle and she fell back on the chair . It was a deck chair . There was a piece of rope hanging from the chair . I don 't know what happened but I must have gone haywire . The next thing I remember she was lying in the chair with the rope round her neck . I don 't remember taking it off . It couldn 't have been tied . I left her there and went into the front room . After that I believe I had a cup of tea and went to bed . A few days after the death of Rita Nelson , Christie went into a café in Notting Hill . The café was crowded and Christie had to share a table with two young women . The two women were talking about their search for a suitable flat for accommodation . Christie gave his account of the meeting . I went into a café in Notting Hill for a cup of tea and a sandwich . The café was pretty full ; there wasn 't much space . Two girls sat at a table and I sat opposite at the same table . They were talking about rooms , where they had been looking to get accommodation . Then one of them spoke to me . She asked me for a cigarette and then started a conversation . During the conversation , I mentioned about leaving my flat and that it would be vacant very soon , and they suggested coming down together to see it in the evening . Only one came down . The one that came down was 26 - year - old Kathleen Maloney , a part time prostitute and nude model . How he got her to sit in the chair while he gassed her is unknown , but as her post mortem showed that she had been drinking heavily , it is likely that she was drunk enough for Christie to handle her with some ease and get the mask over her face . Once again , Christie 's version is self serving . She looked over the flat . She said it would be suitable subject to the landlord 's permission . It was then that she made suggestions that she would visit me for a few days . She said this so that I would use my influence with the landlord as a sort of payment of kind . I was rather annoyed and told her that it didn 't interest me . I think she started saying I was making accusations against her when she saw there was nothing doing . She said that she would bring someone down to me . I believe it was then that she mentioned something about Irish blood . She was in a violent temper . I remember she started fighting . I am very quiet and avoid fighting . I know there was something , it 's in the back of my mind . She was on the floor . I must have put her in the alcove straight away . Hectorina McLennan was Christie 's final victim . On March 3 , the 26 year old was leaving a café with her boyfriend , a man named Baker , when they bumped into Christie . As Baker crossed over the road to chat with a friend , Christie struck up a conversation with Hectorina . During the conversation , she told Christie that she and Baker had just been evicted from their flat and were looking for somewhere else to stay . Christie , no doubt seeing an opportunity , offered them both accommodations at his home for a few days until they could find somewhere more suitable . The girl came back alone . She asked if he had called and I said ' No ' , but I was expecting him . She said she would wait , but I told her she couldn 't and that he may be looking for her , and that she must go and that she couldn 't stay there alone . She was very funny about it . I got hold of her arm and tried to lead her out . I pushed her out of the kitchen . She started struggling like anything and some of her clothing got torn . She then sort of fell limp as I got hold of her . She sank to the ground and I think that some of her clothing must have got caught around her neck in the struggle . She was just out of the kitchen in the passageway . I tried to lift her up but couldn 't . I then pulled her into the kitchen on to a chair . I felt her pulse , but it wasn 't beating . I pulled the cupboard away again and I must have put her in there . The Hunt for the Monster of Rillington Place Christie went to a Rowton House , a hostel for working men , in Kings Cross , where he paid for lodging for seven days , using his real name . But when the news of what had been discovered at Rillington Place hit the headlines , Christie left . For the rest of the time , he wandered around London , sleeping rough and spending most of his time in cafés and movie theatres . Norman Rae was the chief crime reporter for the News Of The World newspaper , and he remembered the Evans case very well , having covered it for the newspaper three years earlier . As with all of the newspapers , the News Of The World was considering the Evans 's side of the story , and Rae was about to become personally involved . It was late at night on March 29 when Rae 's telephone rang at the News Of The World office . Rae picked it up . On the other end , a whispery voice asked Rae if he remembered him . Rae remembered him very well ; he had interviewed Christie three years earlier when he covered the Evans killings . Christie wanted to give Rae an exclusive , and offered to meet a few hours later outside Wood Green Town Hall . Rae said that he would be there . Rae , along with a driver , got over to Wood Green and waited in the darkened car for Christie to show . Soon , there was movement , and Christie appeared in the shadows . On the last day of March , Christie was on the bank of the Thames at Putney Embankment , leaning over the railing and looking at the river . A police constable named Thomas Ledger walked past and thought the man looked suspicious . Ledger stopped and asked the man his name . " John Waddington " replied the man , and said he was 35 years old and was waiting to get his unemployment cards . Ledger asked the man to remove his hat . Once Ledger got a good look at him , with his bald head and his whispering voice , he knew who stood in front of him . Ledger arrested him and took him to Putney Police Station in a police van that happened to be passing at the right moment . Realizing that the pretense would do no good , " John Waddington " gave his real name . John Reginald Halliday Christie , the monster of Rillington Place , had been captured . Over the following few months , Christie would confess to his crimes on three separate occasions . His confessions , though essentially true in that he was the murderer , were designed to show him in the best light , and his explanations as to how and why the killings took place were self serving . Facts were altered , some details were exaggerated , and some details were conveniently forgotten . He gave an account of his life to the Sunday Pictorial newspaper in which he claimed that a powerful and mysterious force that he couldn 't control made him commit the murders . He tried to present himself as someone who was forced to kill his victims by the victims themselves . Ruth asked for it by stripping off and demanding sex . Beryl wanted to commit suicide , all he did was help . His last three victims were violent and the deaths were self defense . Even Ethel 's death was a mercy killing . The truth was that Ethel was in the way , and Christie wanted to pursue his murderous hobby . It also may have been that Ethel had put two and two together , and was beginning to suspect that he may have had a hand in the death of Beryl Evans . Muriel Eady was the only one of his victims that he didn 't blame for her own death . And he never admitted , not officially anyway , that he was responsible for the death of Geraldine Evans . But he couldn 't , not if his defense plan was going to work . With all of his victims , it was their own fault , or , in the case of Ethel , it was a mercy killing . The prostitutes provoked him with their overt sexual attempts or their violent attacks on him , and Beryl wanted to die anyway . None of these excuses could be placed on a 13 - month - old little girl . The truth was that Geraldine was murdered simply to get rid of a problem . If Beryl and Geraldine disappeared , then it could be assumed that they had just left , with Beryl fed up with Timothy and taking the baby with her . If Timothy and Geraldine were together , then people would start asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Beryl , and the truth could come out . The trail could have led back to Christie . So Geraldine had to go . The facts as stated by the prosecution showed a man who was devious , who tried to conceal the murder of his wife by hiding the body underneath the floorboards , who tried to convince others through forged letters that she was still alive . This was a man who had forged his wife 's signature in order to obtain the contents of her bank account by deceit , and then forged her signature to a receipt to say that she had received it . This man had told people that she was with her relatives in Sheffield , and he had told the person to whom he sold the furniture that she had gone away and that he was joining her later . The defense chose to bring into evidence the other killings , which may prove that he was insane . The defense maintained that although Christie knew what he was doing , he did not know that it was wrong . Christie was called on to testify , and throughout his story , he would mumble , or refuse to speak , and answered many of the questions with , " I don 't know " or " I cannot remember . " The prosecution called its psychiatrist for the rebuttal . In his opinion , Christie knew that what he was doing was wrong , he just didn 't care . A second psychiatrist told the court that the " falsification of memory " in which he cannot remember specific details of the murders , which the defense put forth as further proof of insanity , were merely Christie 's attempts to deliberately hide the truth . His lapses of memory were only apparent when it was convenient for him not to remember something that was damning , but his memory appeared to be perfectly sound when he was remembering anything that was of benefit to his defense . The defense had a weak case . It tried to convince the jury that the murder of Ethel Christie was completely motiveless , and only a madman would kill for no reason . Yet a reason had come up . The motive for the murder of Ethel Christie was a by - product of lust . Christie needed Ethel out of the way to continue his lustful killings of the other women . On July 15 , just 20 days after the judge read the sentence , Christie faced the noose at Pentonville Prison , the same noose that Timothy Evans faced just over three years before . With his arms bound , Christie complained that his nose was itchy . The hangman , Albert Pierrepoint reassured Christie , " It won 't bother you for long . " Did Christie kill more than eight people ? It seems likely that these were not his only victims . As a wartime policeman , there would be many opportunities to kill and get rid of the body in a bombed building . The four clumps of pubic hair that didn 't belong to any known victims would point to there being others . And the gaps between killings are long , which is also unusual . But these are questions that can never be answered . For the residents of Rillington Place , life became a nightmare . Sightseers flocked to see the infamous house , crowding the already narrow cul - de - sac . Mrs . Sarah McFadden , the resident at number 3 , organized a petition , which was signed by 83 residents , asking for a change to the street name . It was presented to the council on May 19 , 1953 . Although the council felt that the name change would make no difference to the sightseers , the name was finally changed in May the following year , to Ruston Close . As the council suspected , it didn 't stop the sightseers . But there was a problem , the police had not done their job . The fact was the police investigation into the deaths of Beryl and Geraldine was a mess . When Evans told the police in Wales that he had disposed of his wife , they were certain that he was responsible . The fact that it took three men to lift the cover on the drain showed that Evans was a liar . The police , believing that they had their man , were determined that he should not escape justice . Evans , after being told that his wife 's body was not where he told them it would be , told them that Christie did it . The police decided that this was just to shift the blame . They may have been right , but they should still have checked Christie 's background , just to be on the safe side . If they had , Christie past convictions , including one for the " murderous attack " on a woman , would have come to light , and Christie would not have been regarded as the decent and upstanding citizen that he pretended to be . But beyond that , there were other aspects of the " investigation " that were , at best , criminally negligent . While searching for Beryl 's body in the garden , the police failed to notice a human thigh bone propping up the sagging fence , even though the garden was , supposedly , examined . Some other bones were visible , thanks to Christie 's dog having dug them up . Shortly after the police search , the dog pulled up the skull of Muriel Eady . Christie slipped it under his coat and walked past the policemen waiting outside the house and threw it into a bombed out house in St . Mark 's Road , where it was discovered shortly after . It was handed in to the police , who decided it was a bomb victim . Why did they not question the fact that the house had been bombed eight or nine years before , but the skull only discovered now ? Why did they not consider it to be too much of a coincidence that they find a skull at the same time as they are looking for a body just around the corner ? It defied explanation . The discovery of the clipping concerning the Stanley Setty murder told the police that Evans was going to get rid of the bodies in the same manner . Why would he have a clipping otherwise . The problem was , why would he have a clipping at all , he couldn 't read , it would have been indecipherable to him . But Christie was known to be an avid clipper . The bodies of Beryl and Geraldine were found in the wash - house on December 2 , and had been dead for three weeks . That , according to the police thinking , is where Evans left them . But the workmen who had been doing work there since October had been using the wash - house to store their tools , and the bodies were certainly not there during that time . The workmen had only finished using the wash - house the day before the bodies were discovered . The workmen also stated that the wood that was used to cover the bodies was from floorboards that had been taken up after Evans had left , and the wood had been given to Christie . With this evidence , the guilt of Timothy Evans should have been , at the very least , questioned . He couldn 't have moved the bodies to the wash - house the day before ; he was already in police custody . But the confessions were proof that Evans committed the murders . They were very detailed and accurate , he knew where the bodies were , he knew how they had been killed , and he knew what they were wearing . How could he know so much detail if he was not the killer . The fact was that all of these details were already known to the police , and the police coached Evans in what to say during the confession . Evans was fearful of the police , there had been hints of violence if he didn 't come clean , and with this threat over him Evans was scared that he would be hurt . As they fed him the details of the murders , he agreed that it was so , and after a long night of interrogation ( and not the 75 minutes that the police stated it took ) , Evans had confessed to a murder that he didn 't commit in details that should have been known only to the killer . But the workmen who were at 10 Rillington Place were never called . In addition , the police re - interviewed the workmen , and managed to get some of them at least to change their story to fit in with the theory that Evans killed his family . According to one source , they even produced a photograph of a dead baby ( not connected to the case ) to manipulate the workers emotionally . In his summing up , the judge presented the jury with two options . Either Dr . Teare , the pathologist was lying about the post mortem results , or Evans was lying . He pointed out that Evans had a reputation and a record as a habitual liar , and pointed out the luminous reputation of Christie . The newspaper cutting about the Setty murder was referred to in the inquiry , showing that Evans probably planned to dispose of the bodies in the same manner . The fact that Evans was illiterate and couldn 't read , and that Christie was known to be an avid newspaper clipper , was also dismissed . Other evidence that would have pointed to Evans being innocent of the charge was also ignored . In Parliament , the report was viciously attacked . Geoffrey Bing , QC , the MP for Hornchurch delivered what , at the time , was called by Michael Foot , " one of the most formidable which has been delivered in this house for many years . " Bing stated , " The whole of the report was shot through with prejudice and evidence of all sorts of irregularities . " Michael Foot said it was not worth the paper it had been written on , and Reginald Paget said that it deliberately concealed the truth and was dishonest . One man stood up and gave his support to a growing campaign for justice for Timothy Evans . He was James Chuter Ede , later Baron Chuter - Ede , who in 1950 was the Home Secretary at the time of Evans ' execution . He concluded that a terrible mistake had been made . In 1955 , The Man on Your Conscience was published . Written by Michael Eddowes , it was the first important book on the case , and generated a renewed interest . Four influential editors , Ian Gilmour of The Spectator , John Grigg of The National and English Review , Sir Lynton Andrews of The Yorkshire Post , and David Astor of The Observer petitioned the Home secretary for a new inquiry . It was denied . Kennedy also stressed the evidence given by Dr . Teare that there were signs of sexual penetration of Beryl 's body , suggesting the murderer was sexually aroused by the act of killing , and possibly a necrophiliac . This evidence was suppressed by Evans 's own defense . Had this come up in court , it would have removed some suspicion from Evans who may have been short tempered and violent , but was certainly not a necrophiliac , and would not have had sex with his wife 's body . By now , Britain had a new Home Secretary , R . A . Butler . The campaigners , including Labour MP Sir Frank Soskice , asked for a new inquiry , and Butler said that he would examine the evidence that was presented in the book . Just over seven weeks later , Butler made his decision . No inquiry . With the Governments reversed , Labour , after years of vociferous campaigning for the inquiry , took on the former Governments position and was now refusing it . The Conservative 's , in their turn , took up Labour 's former stance , and were now pushing for an inquiry . " I do not think that an inquiry would serve any useful purpose at this stage . I think it would be kinder not to express views one way or the other . " said Soskice . Herbert Wolfe was a German refugee living in Darlington , who had arrived in Britain in 1933 to escape what was happening in his own country . To him , the concept of British justice was precious and something that should not be taken for granted . He had read Kennedy 's book and , convinced of the innocence of Timothy Evans , wrote an article that he sent to the editor of his local paper , The Northern Echo . Darlington is far from London , and the local paper could hardly have any influence on the Government . But the editor happened to be Harold Evans , an exceptional journalist who would go on to become editor of The Sunday Times and is now editor at large for Reuters . He said , " After receiving Wolfe 's article , I got hold of Kennedy 's book . I read it on the train to London , and became so angry I wanted to pull the communication cord . I thought , this is an outrage ; something must be done about it . " Every day , for months , Evans published something about the case . He produced pamphlets , while Wolfe ceaselessly telephoned people about the case . On July 28 , 1965 , with Ludovic Kennedy as its chairman , the Timothy Evans committee was formed . With the press coverage that was generated , Evans pressed the Prime Minister Harold Wilson , who capitulated and promised that the Government would do something . The conclusion was bizarre . Christie , the report decided , did kill Geraldine Evans , but Timothy killed Beryl . Despite this astonishing conclusion , the report did agree that a jury could not have convicted Evans on any murder if all of the available evidence had been presented in court . Mary Westlake , Evans ' half - sister , and his sister Eileen Ashby , were awarded payment as compensation for their brothers ' miscarriage of justice , in January 2003 . Lord Brennan , the independent assessor for the Home Office , stated that " the conviction and execution of Timothy Evans for the murder of his child was wrongful and a miscarriage of justice . " He went on to add , " there is no evidence to implicate Timothy Evans in the murder of his wife . She was most probably murdered by Christie . " Brennan believed that Brabin 's conclusion that Evans murdered Beryl should be rejected . The following year , on November 16 , Mary Westlake appealed to the High Court . She wanted them to overturn a decision made by the Criminal Cases Review Commission not to refer Evans 's case to the Court of Appeal . Her argument was that though he had been pardoned , it had not formally erased his conviction for murder . The Evans Case Helps Fire the Anti - Death Penalty Movement in Great Britain Although the case of Timothy Evans was a boost to those who were opposed to capital punishment , it wasn 't the only one to have an impact , and it wasn 't , as some have thought , one of the cases that started the abolition campaign . The truth is that the abolition question had been around for several decades . However there is no doubt that the Evans case was of major importance for those wishing to end the practice . Capital punishment was suspended as a five year experiment , and became permanent in 1969 . But this was only for murder . Until 1971 , the death penalty remained for causing a fire or explosion in a naval dockyard , and remained until 1981 for espionage . Piracy that included violence was still a hanging crime until 1998 , as was treason and various offenses within the military . AboutWith the purpose of writing about true crime in an authoritative , fact - based manner , veteran journalists J . J . Maloney and J . Patrick O ' Connor launched Crime Magazine in November of 1998 . Their goal was to cover all aspects of true crime : Read More

John Reginald Halliday Christie Serial Killer Reg Christie pinned one of his eight murders on the witless Timothy Evans before he was discovered to be the " Monster of 10 Rillington Place . " Evans 's execution by hanging - and his posthumous pardon - helped lead to the abolishment of the death penalty in Great Britain . by Mark Pulham When most people think of Notting Hill , there are a few things that first come to mind . One could be the Notting Hill carnival , a colorful event held every year by the West Indian community and , after Rio , the second largest street carnival in the world . Or it may be Portobello Road , home to the worlds largest Antiques Market , held every Saturday , and also the home to the Portobello Film Festival , where over 700 films have had their premiers . Rillington Place was a typical street in the area . Number 10 was a narrow , dreary , and depressing house at the end of a narrow , dreary , and depressing cul - de - sac . Built probably around 1869 , it was a grimy and cramped house that had been , like many others , split into three flats , one on each floor . At the beginning of 1948 , only two of the flats were occupied . In the ground floor flat lived the Christies , Reg and Ethel . Their flat consisted of a front living room , a back bedroom , and a kitchen , which included a pantry or cupboard . A passageway led from the front door of the house through to the back door , splitting the Christie 's kitchen from their other rooms . Outside , there was a small wash - house with a sink and a boiler , where the occupants could do small amounts of laundry . Also outside was the only lavatory , which everyone had to use . Access to both of these was through the passageway that separated the Christie 's kitchen from the rest of their flat . Even before he was born , he had lost someone . His father , Daniel , had walked out on his pregnant wife Thomasina and their daughter , 3 - year - old Eileen . Nothing was heard from Daniel again . Young Timothy had problems as a child . He would have unmanageable tantrums and had trouble learning to speak . He also had a low IQ and had great difficulty learning anything at school . To make matters worse , at the age of 8 , he suffered an injury to his right foot and he developed a tubular plantar wart . It never healed completely , and much of his time was spent at the hospital , which only added to his lack of education . Timothy 's older sister , Eileen , had found a place for them . It wasn 't too far away , just around the corner in Rillington Place . The young couple moved into number 10 . On October 10 , 1948 , at Queen Charlotte 's Maternity Hospital , Beryl gave birth to a baby daughter who they named Geraldine . Her arrival could not have helped . There was now less space in the small two roomed flat , and Timothy 's wages were barely enough to cover the two of them , let alone a baby as well . He told them that he had disposed of his wife . Her body had been put down a drain outside his home in London . The police took him to Merthyr Tydfil police station where Detective Sergeant Gough and Detective Constable Evans took a statement . According to Timothy , it had all been an accident . Beryl was anxious to have the second pregnancy terminated , but abortion was illegal in Britain at that time . Timothy told the police that he met a man in the pub who told him he had something that would do the trick . If Beryl took it , it would cause an abortion . The man gave him a bottle which contained some mixture for Beryl to drink . It took three of them to lift the manhole cover , a sign in itself that Evans was lying , there was no way a man of his short stature could have lifted the cover alone . They looked down the drain and could see that there was no body down there . In any case , the drain was too narrow for a body to fit . Evans had to be lying . The police at Merthyr Tydfil were informed that nothing was found , and they told Timothy . He was then questioned again . Timothy changed his story , saying he may as well tell them the truth . He now told them that Beryl had died when their ground floor neighbor , Reg Christie , had tried to give her an abortion . Reg said that the last time he saw Beryl Evans was on Tuesday , November 8 . It was around midday and he saw her go out with Geraldine . He said that she looked scared about something . That same night , around midnight , he and Ethel were woken up by noises coming from upstairs , thumping sounds , as if someone was moving stuff around . It couldn 't have been Mr . Kitchener , Reg explained , as he was in the hospital . It had to have come from Evans 's flat . As the noise didn 't last for very long , they thought no more about it , and both went back to sleep . The following day , Evans came down to see the Christies . He explained to them that he was upset with his boss at work and had quit his van driver job . According to Christie , he was going to move to Bristol to be with Beryl , and so he had decided to sell all of his furniture . Evans had also been around to see his mother , and to her , he told a different story . He told her that Beryl had gone , not to Bristol , but to Brighton , to see her father . This seemed odd to Timothy 's mother . She knew that Beryl and her father did not get along . Why would she go there ? The Notting Hill Police , their suspicions aroused , did a quick search of the house and the garden , but nothing much was found . The only thing of significance was a newspaper clipping found in the Evans 's flat . The clipping was about the recent Stanley Setty murder case . The month before , Setty 's neatly wrapped torso had been discovered in some marshes in Essex . Had Timothy Evans done the same with his wife ? A briefcase was also found in the Evans flat , and it turned out to be stolen . Informed of the briefcase , the Merthyr Tydfil police charged Evans with theft and he was to be returned to London . The theft charge allowed the police to hold him while the search for Beryl continued . On December 2 , the police returned to number 10 , and the search this time produced grisly results . They tried to get into the tiny wash - house at the back of the building , but the door had become stuck . Ethel found a piece of metal that could be used to pry the door open and gave it to the police . They forced the door open and looked inside . It was dark in the wash - house , but they could see that there was some wood stacked up against the sink . One of the officers felt behind the wood and could feel some sort of package . The wood was removed and they found what appeared to be a large parcel wrapped up in a green tablecloth . They turned to Ethel and asked her what it may be , and she told them she had never seen it before . The police pulled the package out and untied the cord that was holding the package together . No sooner was the package loosened when out slipped a pair of feet . Unwrapped , the package revealed the moldering corpse of Beryl Evans . She had been beaten and strangled . The bodies were taken to Kensington Mortuary where the Home Office pathologist conducted the post mortems . Bruising over the right eye and on the lip showed that Beryl had been hit , probably more than once , and then she had been strangled with cord or rope . There was no evidence that any attempt at an abortion had taken place , though there was some bruising inside the vagina , indicating there may have been an attempt at sex . Timothy Evans was returned to London . He believed he was going to be questioned about the stolen briefcase that had been found in his flat . However , when he arrived at the train station accompanied by police officers , there were photographers waiting to take pictures of him . It was clear to Evans that this was not about the briefcase . She was incurring one debt after another and I could not stand it any longer , so I strangled her with a piece of rope and took her down to the flat below the same night whilst the old man [ Mr . Kitchener ] was in hospital . I waited until the Christies downstairs had gone to bed , then I took her to the wash - house after midnight . This was on Tuesday 8 November . On Thursday evening after I came home from work I strangled my baby in our bedroom with my tie and later that night I took her down into the wash - house after the Christies had gone to bed . Later , Timothy Evans would make a longer confession that , according to the police , took 75 minutes to write and read back to him . This confession goes into greater detail about the murders . He told of how he got angry and how he hit Beryl , and then , in an uncontrollable fit of temper , he strangled her . He told of how he got her body downstairs and into the wash - house and used the wood to cover her body before locking the door . The trial of Timothy Evans began on January 11 , 1950 at the Old Bailey . Unlike the present day , in the 1950 's you could only be tried for one murder at a time . Mr . Christmas Humphries was the prosecutor , and he wanted to avoid the defense motive of provocation that the defense would surely put forth if the trial was for the murder of Beryl Evans . With Geraldine , there could be no such motive , and so , although the murder of Beryl would be included in the testimony , the trial was for the murder of his 13 - month old - daughter . The prosecution 's case was simple . Evans and Beryl were in a difficult relationship . Their marriage was under a great deal of strain , with little money coming in , a baby to feed and clothe , and now , a second baby on the way . Dr . Teare gave his evidence , and Christie was also called by the prosecution . With Christie , Morris thought he saw a way to help with the defense . He had discovered that Christie had some past criminal convictions and hoped that would at least discredit him as a witness . It didn 't work . It did the opposite . Christie , for all his past faults , had not been in any trouble for the past 17 years . The jury was impressed by this man and the fact that he had turned his life around to become a model citizen . Reg Christie was a war hero , having been gassed during the First World War , which had left him with his soft voice . He had also been a War reserve policeman during World War Two . But the evidence was all against him . Evans had described the murders in precise and accurate detail , because , the prosecution pointed out , he was the one who committed the murders . Only the killer would know the details so clearly . Morris pointed to the second confession given by Evans in which he implicated Christie . Morris hoped that it would confuse the issue and raise a reasonable doubt . But it was useless . Evans was a known liar , he was a known drunk , he was known to be violent , and he was known to have a short temper . He 'd admitted to the murders in more than one statement . The jury filed out of the courtroom for its deliberations , but was back within 40 minutes . The verdict , reached swiftly , was a foregone conclusion . Timothy John Evans was found guilty on the charge of murdering his 13 - month - old daughter . The sentence was death by hanging . Christie , still in the courtroom , burst into a flood of tears . Other news quickly replaced that rapidly dwindling interest in the killings . That same year , in July , Sainsbury 's opened the first purpose built supermarket , and in August , Princess Elizabeth gave birth to her second child , Princess Anne . In November , George Bernard Shaw died at the age of 94 . In addition to the top flat now being empty after the murders , the second floor flat was also vacant as Charles Kitchener had also moved out . Ethel Christie also wanted to move away , the new tenants scared her , and Reg had gone into a depression after the trial . Reg had also lost his job , thanks to some of the disclosures about his convictions that were revealed at the trial . By the end of 1952 , Reg was living alone . Reg had found a new job up in Sheffield , and Ethel had already left , having relatives there . Reg would join her later . Reg was desperate to move out and sold all of his furniture . He stayed in the unfurnished flat well into March 1953 , when he met a woman named Reilly . She told Christie that she was looking for a flat to rent , and Christie said that she could have his . She came round with her husband and had a look at the flat . They thought it would suit them , and Christie took three months rent in advance off them . Christie then borrowed a suitcase from them , put the last of his things in it , and left on March 20 , 1953 . The Reilly 's didn 't get much of a chance to settle in . The next day , the landlord came around and was surprised to find them there . He was angry ; Christie had no right to rent the place out as it wasn 't his . Beresford liked music while he worked , and so the first thing he wanted to do was put up a shelf so he had somewhere to put his radio . He began to tap on the walls to find a suitable spot , and one part of the wall sounded hollow . There had to be some sort of space behind the wall . At the edge , some of the wallpaper was coming away and he pulled on that . He found the door that led to the pantry or cupboard . He managed to get the door partly open , and then he grabbed his flashlight and looked through the crack in the door . What he saw made him reel back in horror . The beam from his flashlight had revealed a woman sitting there , her back toward him . She was semi - naked and obviously dead . Beresford called the police . Several officers arrived and the door to the pantry was opened . The woman sat with her back toward them , leaning forward . The police took her out and moved her to the front room for examination . She was wearing only a bra , a garter belt , and stockings . Her wrists had been bound together by a handkerchief tied in a reef knot , and some clothing had been wedged between her legs to act as a diaper to absorb seepage from her vagina and rectum . There was another object in the cupboard , wrapped in a blanket . The police removed it , and found that it was the body of a second woman . In the cupboard , she had been placed upside down on her head and leaned against the wall . The police were not finished yet . They removed a third body , like the second placed upside down in the cupboard . This victim had her ankles bound , this time with electrical cord , and once again , a reef knot was used . Also tied with a reef knot was the cloth used to cover her head . If the police felt relieved and thought that it was now over , that relief was short lived . Noticing that the floorboards in the living room were loose , the police took them up . There was some loose rubble underneath and , after a short dig , they found the remains of a fourth woman . Back at the mortuary , the post mortems began . The first body to be found was that of a brunette in her early to mid twenties . She had been dead for around four weeks , killed by a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and strangulation . It was determined that she had been suffering from the effects of the carbon monoxide gas when she was strangled with a smooth surfaced cord . There were scratch marks along her back which indicated that she had been dragged along the floor after she was dead . There were also indications that sexual intercourse had also taken place . The next body was also in her mid - twenties with light brown hair . She seemed to have been in good health when she died . She had a pinkish color to her , which indicated that she too had been poisoned with carbon monoxide gas . Like the first , she had also been strangled . She showed signs of heavy drinking on the day that she had died , and she had also had sexual intercourse , either just before or just after she had died . She was wearing a cardigan and a vest , and another vest had been placed between her legs to act as a diaper . She had been dead somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks . The third body , this time a blonde , was , like the first two , in her mid - twenties . Once more , the pinkness of the corpse indicated that she had been gassed before strangulation had taken place . This victim wore a dress , a petticoat , two vests , a bra , and a cardigan . Once more , there was a piece of cloth between the legs to act as a diaper . This victim was also six months pregnant . Once again , sexual intercourse seemed to have occurred either just before or just after death . When the fourth body arrived the next morning , it was clear that there was a significant difference between this one and the first three . First of all , she was older , somewhere in her mid fifties , a plump woman , with missing teeth . A flowered dress and a silk nightgown were wrapped around the body , and then wrapped once more in a flannel blanket . Her head had been covered by a pillowcase . It did not take long to identify the victims . The three younger victims turned out to be prostitutes that Christie had invited back to the flat . They were Rita Nelson , aged 25 , Kathleen Maloney , aged 26 , and Hectorina McLennan , also aged 26 . The older woman who was found under the floor was Ethel Christie . The search of Number 10 continued the next day . Among the things found was an old tobacco tin which , when opened , was found to contain four tufts of pubic hair . None of the pubic hair matched the victims . In the garden , more searchers discovered a human femur , in plain view , propping up the sagging back fence . More bones were discovered , along with some hair and some parts of a dress . By the time the search was completed , they had two more victims , though one of them was missing a head . Both were female . It wasn 't long before both of the victims were identified . Ruth Fuerst was 21 years old when she disappeared . A tall girl at five - foot - eight , she had left Austria in 1939 to come to London . She went missing on August 24 , 1943 . Muriel Eady worked at Ultra Radio Works in 1944 . One day , the 32 year old met a fellow worker in the canteen . His name was Reg Christie . She vanished in October of that year . She was last seen wearing a black wool dress , just like the scraps of a dress that was found in the garden . Some hair that was found also matched Muriel 's . Six bodies were found in total , and now the hunt was on for Christie . John Reginald Halliday Christie was born on April 8 , 1899 , in an isolated house known as " Black Boy " in Turner Lane , Shibden , a small village a few miles east of Halifax , Yorkshire . According to Christie himself , he had a very rosy childhood . He enjoyed school , was excellent at math , and was good at games , especially soccer . He loved animals , a love that lasted all of his life , and at one point , he was an assistant Scout master and a member of the local choir . Christie 's father , Ernest John Christie , was feared in his home . He was a severe and tyrannical man whose temper would explode on the slightest annoyance . Reg was scared of his father and his grandfather . At the age of 8 , Reg experienced death for the first time , when his hated grandfather died . The body was laid out in the house for visitors to come and pay their respects and , like the rest of the family , Reg viewed the body . It must have been a revelation to Reg , that this man , who scared him so badly while he was alive , now didn 't scare him at all in death . It is likely that this is the moment when Reg saw that the dead cannot hurt you , and this lasted into his adult life . Soon after , Reg began playing in the local cemetery where he liked to look at the graves . In June , 1918 , Christie was caught in a mustard gas attack , and spent a month in hospital . According to Christie , he was blinded by the gas for three months and unable to talk for three and a half years because of the attack . There is no evidence of his blindness , and although he may have been unable to speak for a short while , it was more likely due to a psychological reason , and not a physical one . Even so , it could not have been for the length of time that he claimed as just seven weeks later he was declared fit enough for active duty . During his time in the army , Christie became a frequent customer of prostitutes . He discovered that as he didn 't have to please them or prove his manhood , he was able to perform normally . However , they had to be compliant and unresponsive for him to achieve erection and penetration . After he left the army , he met Ethel Simpson Waddington , a very passive girl , which suited Christie . On May 10 , 1920 , they married at Halifax Registry Office . But Christie 's sexual problems remained , and during their courtship , they never had sex at all . Christie , instead , continued to use the services of prostitutes for his sexual needs . In January , 1923 , he found himself in trouble again . This time , he was convicted of obtaining money by false pretences and violent conduct . For this , he received a sentence of 12 months probation . The following year , 1924 , he got nine months hard labor for stealing goods and money . By this time , Ethel was fed up with her husbands petty stealing and inability to hold down a job . She left him and moved in with relatives . Christie moved down to London . By 1929 , Christie was living in Battersea , South London , with a prostitute , and once more , Christie found himself in trouble . In what was described by the judge as a " murderous attack , " Christie had clubbed the prostitute across the head with a cricket bat . Yet , despite the severity of the attack , Christie was only sentenced to six months hard labor . While in prison , Christie got in touch with Ethel and asked if she would visit him . Ethel was lonely , and dismissing the past , came to see him . After Christie was released from prison , Ethel and Christie decided to put the past behind them and reconcile . They moved back in together . In 1934 , Christie was hit by a car while he was out cycling . Taken to hospital , he had to have an operation on his knee . Once again , playing for sympathy , he exaggerated his injuries , stating that he was unconscious for more than an hour , a fact that is not mentioned in hospital records . Christie , for the first time in his life , was in a position of power , and he used it . His neighbors began to dislike this man who abused his position and acted like a bully . He even got himself a new nickname , " The Himmler of Rillington Place . " While he was at Harrow Road , Christie met a married woman whose husband was fighting overseas , and he began to see her in secret , although whether there was a sexual relationship is unknown . The relationship lasted until the middle of 1943 , when the husband returned home unexpectedly and caught them together . Christie took a beating from the husband , and this may have been the trigger that started the murders . In 1943 , most likely after his beating , Christie , still a War Reserve policeman , visited a snack bar in Ladbroke Grove . He was there , supposedly , on police business , though he was actually off duty at the time . While there , he caught the eye of a 21 - year - old Austrian girl named Ruth Fuerst , who worked at a munitions factory and lived not far from Rillington Place . There is some suggestion , likely correct , that Ruth supplemented her income by working as a prostitute part time . Christie struck up a conversation with her , and a relationship began . Soon , they were meeting regularly , and one day in August , Christie took Ruth back to 10 Rillington Place . Ethel was away visiting relatives in Sheffield and Christie had the flat to himself . According to Christie , he and Ruth were in the bedroom at 10 Rillington Place when suddenly , " She undressed and wanted me to have intercourse with her . I got a telegram while she was there , saying that my wife was on her way home . The girl wanted us to team up together and go right away somewhere together . I would not do that . I got on the bed and had intercourse with her . I strangled her with a piece of rope . " The next day , Ethel 's brother left , and Ethel went off to work , leaving Christie to carry on with the disposal of his first victim . After removing the floorboards , he dragged Ruth out to the wash - house in the back and hid the body there . Then he began to dig a grave for her in the garden . Before he had finished , Ethel came home , and they had a cup of tea together . That night , after Ethel had gone to bed , Christie stayed up and carried on with his grisly task . When the hole was deep enough , he went to the wash - house and dragged the body of Ruth Fuerst over to the grave and dropped her in , along with her clothes . He then filled the hole and went to bed . Christie would later admit that he felt a powerful thrill as he looked down at his first victim . The next day , Christie raked over the area where he had buried the body , and accidentally pulled up some of the clothing . This he put in an old dustbin that was used for burning rubbish . Some months later , Christie accidentally dug up Ruth 's skull . This went into the dustbin as well , where it would eventually be discovered during the police search . Muriel suffered from bronchial catarrh and had told Christie about it . Christie had always liked to give the impression he had some medical knowledge , a claim supported by the " medical " books that he owned , which were really nothing more than books he had picked up as a first aid worker . Some even believed that he was a doctor who had been struck off for some reason . Christie told Muriel that he could help with her problem , and he invited her around the Rillington Place for some treatment . It was October , 1944 , and Ethel was , once again , away visiting relatives in Sheffield , leaving Christie home alone . It was the opportunity he had been waiting for . He invited Muriel around and made her a cup of tea , and then showed her the device that he would use to cure her of her problems with catarrh . It was a fairly simple device . A square jar with a metal lid held the special inhalant that smelled of Friar 's Balsam . The lid had two holes in it , and through these holes were two tubes . One of the tubes went down into the liquid while the other end trailed off around the back of the deck chair that she was to sit in . The other tube did not go into the liquid , and the other end was attached to a home made mask that the user would breathe through . As Muriel breathed deeply , Christie reached behind the chair . The other end of the tubing that went into the liquid was attached to the coal gas pipe . Christie released the gas , and Muriel , unable to smell the poisonous carbon monoxide gas because of the Friar 's Balsam , quickly went limp as consciousness faded away . The sexually aroused Christie began to strangle Muriel as he penetrated her body . Soon he was finished , and Muriel was dead . Christie had cured her catarrh , and any other ailment she may have been suffering from . Once again , he dragged the body out to the wash - house where it remained while he dug another grave in the garden . Muriel was buried not too far from where Ruth Fuerst lay . When , some time later , Christie managed to dig up her femur by accident , he just used it to prop up the sagging fence . It is probable that Christie felt a desire for Beryl Evans right from the beginning , he just had to bide his time . Timothy Evans was impressed with his soft spoken neighbor , who was obviously educated beyond Evans 's capabilities , especially as he had medical knowledge , or so he hinted . Christie showed Timothy his " medical " books , and Evans would believe anything Christie said . Christie had to have realized that here was a man who could be manipulated and easily tricked . And when the time came , Christie struck . With a second baby on the way , Beryl wanted to have an abortion , and who better to turn to than their neighbor , a respectable former policeman with medical expertise . He would surely help . But when Timothy Evans found out about Beryl 's plan to get rid of the baby , he wanted no part of it , and he told Christie that they were not interested in getting an abortion . Christie , seeing an opportunity slip away , tried to persuade him that everything would be okay , but Timothy still refused . But Beryl was still insistent , and would go through with it . A short while later , Timothy discovered that money he had been giving to Beryl for housekeeping had been spent on other things , and a serious argument broke out . Timothy threatened to leave , and Beryl told him to go . Instead , he went to the movies . There were workmen in the house the next day . They had been coming since the end of October , working on the wash - house and the roof , and ripping out walls and floors where Christie felt there was a problem . Kitchener was away in the hospital , and apart from the workmen , Christie and Beryl were alone in the house . According to Christie , he came upstairs to Beryl sometime around midday . She had made preparations by spreading out a quilt in front of the fire . When Christie came in , Beryl lay down upon it . Christie is then unclear about what happened next . In one account , Beryl went into a panic and Christie started to hit her . He then pulled out a cord and strangled her . In one of his accounts he says that he tried to have intercourse with her , but he couldn 't , and in another account , he states that he did have intercourse with her . He also stated that a short while before , Beryl had tried to kill herself with gas , and he had found her lying on the floor in front of the fire with the gas on . He opened the door and the windows to get rid of the gas , then made her a cup of tea and comforted her . According to Christie , the next day she asked him to help her commit suicide , and " she said she would do anything … I think she was referring to letting me be intimate with her . " Once again , the death was not his fault , she wanted to die . All he did was help her . " I turned the gas tap on and as near as I can make out I held it close to her face . When she became unconscious I turned the tap off . I was going to try to have intercourse with her but it was impossible . I couldn 't bend over . I think that is when I strangled her . " Which of his accounts , if any , is the true one is not clear , though it is more likely that he attempted sex but couldn 't do it as he was suffering from back pains at the time , making some movement difficult . Joan Vincent was a friend of Beryl 's , and around this time , she paid a call on her . She was surprised to find that the door to Beryl 's flat was closed , something Beryl never did . Joan knocked on the door but there was no answer , which was also a surprise as Beryl was usually home at this time . Joan tried the door , which opened a little and then was blocked . Joan said later that although there was no sound , she was certain that there was someone on the other side of the door , blocking it from opening . If this is true , then Christie must have been in a panic , but managed to show coolness under pressure . When Timothy arrived home from work that evening , he found Christie waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs . He told Evans to go up , he would follow behind . When they reached the top floor , Christie told Timothy that it was bad news . The abortion procedure didn 't work , and Beryl had died . Christie led the distraught Timothy into the bedroom where , lying on the bed and covered with a blanket , was the body of his wife , Beryl . Timothy was distressed and vulnerable , and open to suggestion . Christie persuaded Timothy that going to the police would just cause trouble for the both of them . Would that be fair on Christie , as all he had done was try to help , and abortion was illegal . As for Timothy , the arguments and the violence would surely point the finger at him for the death of his wife . Christie 's persuasiveness worked , Timothy would agree to whatever Christie said . Christie told Timothy that he would dispose of the body . First , they would both move it down into Kitchener 's empty flat and put the body in the kitchen . Christie would need Timothy 's help with this as he was unable to lift her on his own because of his bad back . Christie then told Timothy that he would get rid of the body later by putting it down the drain outside . Evans would have to leave and so he agreed to stay with his mother . However , he would take Geraldine with him . Christie said this was a bad idea . It would cause too much suspicion . People would see him with Geraldine and begin to wonder where Beryl was . Christie said that he would think of something . Timothy stayed in the flat overnight , and by the next day , Christie had come up with a solution . Christie knew of a young couple who were childless and desperately wanted a baby . They would take Geraldine and Timothy would be assured that she was being looked after . Timothy was to let people know that Beryl had gone away with Geraldine for a holiday . Timothy prepared Geraldine 's things for her move to a new home , having been told by Christie that the couple would be arriving sometime that day to collect her . Joan Vincent returned later that day and she started up the stairs to see Beryl . Christie , seeing her , headed her off and asked what she wanted . When she said that she 'd come to visit Beryl , Christie told her that Beryl and Geraldine had gone away . However , Joan could see the baby furniture and the pram . Christie said it would be better if she did not come back . When the builders finished their work and had left the premises , Christie got both bodies downstairs and out to the back . Beryl and Geraldine , now neatly wrapped in blankets and tablecloths , were hidden in the wash - house and covered with the floorboards that had been left by the workmen . They stayed there until they were discovered by the police on December 2 . After the execution of Timothy Evans , things began to change at 10 Rillington Place . Christie , always a hypochondriac , had become worse . He felt that he was being persecuted , and his mental state caused him to be examined at the Springfield Mental Hospital for a short while , where he was found by Dr . Petit to be " an insignificant , old womanish city man . Girlish voice , mincing walk . Latent homosexual , though not overt . " By 1952 , Christie had quit his job and was now home all the time , and Ethel was not visiting her relatives in Sheffield as much as she did in the past . Christie was frustrated . He wanted to kill again , he had not murdered anyone since Beryl over three years before , and there was an obstacle in his way . Ethel . On the morning of December 14 , 1952 , Christie strangled Ethel as she lay in bed . According to Christie , " I was awakened at about 8 : 15 a . m . I think it was my wife moving about in bed . I sat up and saw that she appeared to be convulsive . Her face was blue and she was choking . I did what I could to try to restore her breathing , but it was hopeless . It appeared too late to call for assistance , that is when I couldn 't bear to see her , so I got a stocking and tied it around her neck to put her to sleep . " He added he had no idea what it was that were causing his wife to have convulsions , but as he got out of bed after her death , he " saw a small bottle and a cup half - full of water on a small table near the bed . I noticed that the bottle contained two pheno - barbitone tablets and it originally contained twenty - five . I knew then that she must have taken the remainder . " Ethel 's post mortem , however , showed no trace of pills in her stomach . He left her in bed for three days as he did not know what to do with her , but then remembered the loose floorboards in the living room , where Ruth Fuerst once spent the night . Christie also began sending out letters from Ethel to relatives that she had written but had not gotten around to mailing before she was killed . Christie changed the date on them to make it appear they were written later . In subsequent letters , he wrote them himself , explaining that Ethel 's rheumatism prevented her from writing and that she was dictating them to him . Christie had been unemployed since December 6 , and needed money . He sold Ethel 's wedding ring and her watch , and started to sell off the furniture . Each week , he went down to the Labour Exchange to collect unemployment benefits , and on January 26 , 1953 , he forged Ethel 's signature and went to the bank where he emptied her account . Sometime between January 2 and 19 , 1953 , Christie had a chance meeting with 25 - year - old Rita Nelson , a prostitute who was six months pregnant . It 's likely that she met Christie in a pub , and once again pretending to have medical knowledge , he persuaded Rita that he could abort the unwanted child . Rita came round to Rillington Place where , as he did with Muriel Eady , had Rita sit in a chair while he helped her put on the gas mask . Once unconscious , her fate was the same as the previous victims , pulled to the floor and raped as he strangled her to death . Christie 's version is different . I lived in the flat and one evening I went up Ladbroke Grove to get some fish and chips for the animals . I had a dog and a cat . On the way back , in Ladbroke Grove , a drunken woman stood in front of me and demanded a pound for me to take her round the corner . I said . ' I am not interested and I haven 't got money to throw away . ' I 'm not like that . I haven 't had intercourse with any women for over two years , my doctor will tell you that . He is Doctor Odess , Colville Square . She then demanded 30 shillings and said she would scream and say I had interfered with her if I didn 't give it to her . I walked away as I am so well known around there and she would have obviously caused a scene . She came along , she wouldn 't go and she came right to the door still demanding 30 shillings . When I opened the door she forced her way in . I went to the kitchen and she was still on about this 30 shillings . I tried to get her out and she picked up a frying pan to hit me . I closed with her and there was a struggle and she fell back on the chair . It was a deck chair . There was a piece of rope hanging from the chair . I don 't know what happened but I must have gone haywire . The next thing I remember she was lying in the chair with the rope round her neck . I don 't remember taking it off . It couldn 't have been tied . I left her there and went into the front room . After that I believe I had a cup of tea and went to bed . A few days after the death of Rita Nelson , Christie went into a café in Notting Hill . The café was crowded and Christie had to share a table with two young women . The two women were talking about their search for a suitable flat for accommodation . Christie gave his account of the meeting . I went into a café in Notting Hill for a cup of tea and a sandwich . The café was pretty full ; there wasn 't much space . Two girls sat at a table and I sat opposite at the same table . They were talking about rooms , where they had been looking to get accommodation . Then one of them spoke to me . She asked me for a cigarette and then started a conversation . During the conversation , I mentioned about leaving my flat and that it would be vacant very soon , and they suggested coming down together to see it in the evening . Only one came down . The one that came down was 26 - year - old Kathleen Maloney , a part time prostitute and nude model . How he got her to sit in the chair while he gassed her is unknown , but as her post mortem showed that she had been drinking heavily , it is likely that she was drunk enough for Christie to handle her with some ease and get the mask over her face . Once again , Christie 's version is self serving . She looked over the flat . She said it would be suitable subject to the landlord 's permission . It was then that she made suggestions that she would visit me for a few days . She said this so that I would use my influence with the landlord as a sort of payment of kind . I was rather annoyed and told her that it didn 't interest me . I think she started saying I was making accusations against her when she saw there was nothing doing . She said that she would bring someone down to me . I believe it was then that she mentioned something about Irish blood . She was in a violent temper . I remember she started fighting . I am very quiet and avoid fighting . I know there was something , it 's in the back of my mind . She was on the floor . I must have put her in the alcove straight away . Hectorina McLennan was Christie 's final victim . On March 3 , the 26 year old was leaving a café with her boyfriend , a man named Baker , when they bumped into Christie . As Baker crossed over the road to chat with a friend , Christie struck up a conversation with Hectorina . During the conversation , she told Christie that she and Baker had just been evicted from their flat and were looking for somewhere else to stay . Christie , no doubt seeing an opportunity , offered them both accommodations at his home for a few days until they could find somewhere more suitable . The girl came back alone . She asked if he had called and I said ' No ' , but I was expecting him . She said she would wait , but I told her she couldn 't and that he may be looking for her , and that she must go and that she couldn 't stay there alone . She was very funny about it . I got hold of her arm and tried to lead her out . I pushed her out of the kitchen . She started struggling like anything and some of her clothing got torn . She then sort of fell limp as I got hold of her . She sank to the ground and I think that some of her clothing must have got caught around her neck in the struggle . She was just out of the kitchen in the passageway . I tried to lift her up but couldn 't . I then pulled her into the kitchen on to a chair . I felt her pulse , but it wasn 't beating . I pulled the cupboard away again and I must have put her in there . The Hunt for the Monster of Rillington Place Christie went to a Rowton House , a hostel for working men , in Kings Cross , where he paid for lodging for seven days , using his real name . But when the news of what had been discovered at Rillington Place hit the headlines , Christie left . For the rest of the time , he wandered around London , sleeping rough and spending most of his time in cafés and movie theatres . Norman Rae was the chief crime reporter for the News Of The World newspaper , and he remembered the Evans case very well , having covered it for the newspaper three years earlier . As with all of the newspapers , the News Of The World was considering the Evans 's side of the story , and Rae was about to become personally involved . It was late at night on March 29 when Rae 's telephone rang at the News Of The World office . Rae picked it up . On the other end , a whispery voice asked Rae if he remembered him . Rae remembered him very well ; he had interviewed Christie three years earlier when he covered the Evans killings . Christie wanted to give Rae an exclusive , and offered to meet a few hours later outside Wood Green Town Hall . Rae said that he would be there . Rae , along with a driver , got over to Wood Green and waited in the darkened car for Christie to show . Soon , there was movement , and Christie appeared in the shadows . On the last day of March , Christie was on the bank of the Thames at Putney Embankment , leaning over the railing and looking at the river . A police constable named Thomas Ledger walked past and thought the man looked suspicious . Ledger stopped and asked the man his name . " John Waddington " replied the man , and said he was 35 years old and was waiting to get his unemployment cards . Ledger asked the man to remove his hat . Once Ledger got a good look at him , with his bald head and his whispering voice , he knew who stood in front of him . Ledger arrested him and took him to Putney Police Station in a police van that happened to be passing at the right moment . Realizing that the pretense would do no good , " John Waddington " gave his real name . John Reginald Halliday Christie , the monster of Rillington Place , had been captured . Over the following few months , Christie would confess to his crimes on three separate occasions . His confessions , though essentially true in that he was the murderer , were designed to show him in the best light , and his explanations as to how and why the killings took place were self serving . Facts were altered , some details were exaggerated , and some details were conveniently forgotten . He gave an account of his life to the Sunday Pictorial newspaper in which he claimed that a powerful and mysterious force that he couldn 't control made him commit the murders . He tried to present himself as someone who was forced to kill his victims by the victims themselves . Ruth asked for it by stripping off and demanding sex . Beryl wanted to commit suicide , all he did was help . His last three victims were violent and the deaths were self defense . Even Ethel 's death was a mercy killing . The truth was that Ethel was in the way , and Christie wanted to pursue his murderous hobby . It also may have been that Ethel had put two and two together , and was beginning to suspect that he may have had a hand in the death of Beryl Evans . Muriel Eady was the only one of his victims that he didn 't blame for her own death . And he never admitted , not officially anyway , that he was responsible for the death of Geraldine Evans . But he couldn 't , not if his defense plan was going to work . With all of his victims , it was their own fault , or , in the case of Ethel , it was a mercy killing . The prostitutes provoked him with their overt sexual attempts or their violent attacks on him , and Beryl wanted to die anyway . None of these excuses could be placed on a 13 - month - old little girl . The truth was that Geraldine was murdered simply to get rid of a problem . If Beryl and Geraldine disappeared , then it could be assumed that they had just left , with Beryl fed up with Timothy and taking the baby with her . If Timothy and Geraldine were together , then people would start asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Beryl , and the truth could come out . The trail could have led back to Christie . So Geraldine had to go . The facts as stated by the prosecution showed a man who was devious , who tried to conceal the murder of his wife by hiding the body underneath the floorboards , who tried to convince others through forged letters that she was still alive . This was a man who had forged his wife 's signature in order to obtain the contents of her bank account by deceit , and then forged her signature to a receipt to say that she had received it . This man had told people that she was with her relatives in Sheffield , and he had told the person to whom he sold the furniture that she had gone away and that he was joining her later . The defense chose to bring into evidence the other killings , which may prove that he was insane . The defense maintained that although Christie knew what he was doing , he did not know that it was wrong . Christie was called on to testify , and throughout his story , he would mumble , or refuse to speak , and answered many of the questions with , " I don 't know " or " I cannot remember . " The prosecution called its psychiatrist for the rebuttal . In his opinion , Christie knew that what he was doing was wrong , he just didn 't care . A second psychiatrist told the court that the " falsification of memory " in which he cannot remember specific details of the murders , which the defense put forth as further proof of insanity , were merely Christie 's attempts to deliberately hide the truth . His lapses of memory were only apparent when it was convenient for him not to remember something that was damning , but his memory appeared to be perfectly sound when he was remembering anything that was of benefit to his defense . The defense had a weak case . It tried to convince the jury that the murder of Ethel Christie was completely motiveless , and only a madman would kill for no reason . Yet a reason had come up . The motive for the murder of Ethel Christie was a by - product of lust . Christie needed Ethel out of the way to continue his lustful killings of the other women . On July 15 , just 20 days after the judge read the sentence , Christie faced the noose at Pentonville Prison , the same noose that Timothy Evans faced just over three years before . With his arms bound , Christie complained that his nose was itchy . The hangman , Albert Pierrepoint reassured Christie , " It won 't bother you for long . " Did Christie kill more than eight people ? It seems likely that these were not his only victims . As a wartime policeman , there would be many opportunities to kill and get rid of the body in a bombed building . The four clumps of pubic hair that didn 't belong to any known victims would point to there being others . And the gaps between killings are long , which is also unusual . But these are questions that can never be answered . For the residents of Rillington Place , life became a nightmare . Sightseers flocked to see the infamous house , crowding the already narrow cul - de - sac . Mrs . Sarah McFadden , the resident at number 3 , organized a petition , which was signed by 83 residents , asking for a change to the street name . It was presented to the council on May 19 , 1953 . Although the council felt that the name change would make no difference to the sightseers , the name was finally changed in May the following year , to Ruston Close . As the council suspected , it didn 't stop the sightseers . But there was a problem , the police had not done their job . The fact was the police investigation into the deaths of Beryl and Geraldine was a mess . When Evans told the police in Wales that he had disposed of his wife , they were certain that he was responsible . The fact that it took three men to lift the cover on the drain showed that Evans was a liar . The police , believing that they had their man , were determined that he should not escape justice . Evans , after being told that his wife 's body was not where he told them it would be , told them that Christie did it . The police decided that this was just to shift the blame . They may have been right , but they should still have checked Christie 's background , just to be on the safe side . If they had , Christie past convictions , including one for the " murderous attack " on a woman , would have come to light , and Christie would not have been regarded as the decent and upstanding citizen that he pretended to be . But beyond that , there were other aspects of the " investigation " that were , at best , criminally negligent . While searching for Beryl 's body in the garden , the police failed to notice a human thigh bone propping up the sagging fence , even though the garden was , supposedly , examined . Some other bones were visible , thanks to Christie 's dog having dug them up . Shortly after the police search , the dog pulled up the skull of Muriel Eady . Christie slipped it under his coat and walked past the policemen waiting outside the house and threw it into a bombed out house in St . Mark 's Road , where it was discovered shortly after . It was handed in to the police , who decided it was a bomb victim . Why did they not question the fact that the house had been bombed eight or nine years before , but the skull only discovered now ? Why did they not consider it to be too much of a coincidence that they find a skull at the same time as they are looking for a body just around the corner ? It defied explanation . The discovery of the clipping concerning the Stanley Setty murder told the police that Evans was going to get rid of the bodies in the same manner . Why would he have a clipping otherwise . The problem was , why would he have a clipping at all , he couldn 't read , it would have been indecipherable to him . But Christie was known to be an avid clipper . The bodies of Beryl and Geraldine were found in the wash - house on December 2 , and had been dead for three weeks . That , according to the police thinking , is where Evans left them . But the workmen who had been doing work there since October had been using the wash - house to store their tools , and the bodies were certainly not there during that time . The workmen had only finished using the wash - house the day before the bodies were discovered . The workmen also stated that the wood that was used to cover the bodies was from floorboards that had been taken up after Evans had left , and the wood had been given to Christie . With this evidence , the guilt of Timothy Evans should have been , at the very least , questioned . He couldn 't have moved the bodies to the wash - house the day before ; he was already in police custody . But the confessions were proof that Evans committed the murders . They were very detailed and accurate , he knew where the bodies were , he knew how they had been killed , and he knew what they were wearing . How could he know so much detail if he was not the killer . The fact was that all of these details were already known to the police , and the police coached Evans in what to say during the confession . Evans was fearful of the police , there had been hints of violence if he didn 't come clean , and with this threat over him Evans was scared that he would be hurt . As they fed him the details of the murders , he agreed that it was so , and after a long night of interrogation ( and not the 75 minutes that the police stated it took ) , Evans had confessed to a murder that he didn 't commit in details that should have been known only to the killer . But the workmen who were at 10 Rillington Place were never called . In addition , the police re - interviewed the workmen , and managed to get some of them at least to change their story to fit in with the theory that Evans killed his family . According to one source , they even produced a photograph of a dead baby ( not connected to the case ) to manipulate the workers emotionally . In his summing up , the judge presented the jury with two options . Either Dr . Teare , the pathologist was lying about the post mortem results , or Evans was lying . He pointed out that Evans had a reputation and a record as a habitual liar , and pointed out the luminous reputation of Christie . The newspaper cutting about the Setty murder was referred to in the inquiry , showing that Evans probably planned to dispose of the bodies in the same manner . The fact that Evans was illiterate and couldn 't read , and that Christie was known to be an avid newspaper clipper , was also dismissed . Other evidence that would have pointed to Evans being innocent of the charge was also ignored . In Parliament , the report was viciously attacked . Geoffrey Bing , QC , the MP for Hornchurch delivered what , at the time , was called by Michael Foot , " one of the most formidable which has been delivered in this house for many years . " Bing stated , " The whole of the report was shot through with prejudice and evidence of all sorts of irregularities . " Michael Foot said it was not worth the paper it had been written on , and Reginald Paget said that it deliberately concealed the truth and was dishonest . One man stood up and gave his support to a growing campaign for justice for Timothy Evans . He was James Chuter Ede , later Baron Chuter - Ede , who in 1950 was the Home Secretary at the time of Evans ' execution . He concluded that a terrible mistake had been made . In 1955 , The Man on Your Conscience was published . Written by Michael Eddowes , it was the first important book on the case , and generated a renewed interest . Four influential editors , Ian Gilmour of The Spectator , John Grigg of The National and English Review , Sir Lynton Andrews of The Yorkshire Post , and David Astor of The Observer petitioned the Home secretary for a new inquiry . It was denied . Kennedy also stressed the evidence given by Dr . Teare that there were signs of sexual penetration of Beryl 's body , suggesting the murderer was sexually aroused by the act of killing , and possibly a necrophiliac . This evidence was suppressed by Evans 's own defense . Had this come up in court , it would have removed some suspicion from Evans who may have been short tempered and violent , but was certainly not a necrophiliac , and would not have had sex with his wife 's body . By now , Britain had a new Home Secretary , R . A . Butler . The campaigners , including Labour MP Sir Frank Soskice , asked for a new inquiry , and Butler said that he would examine the evidence that was presented in the book . Just over seven weeks later , Butler made his decision . No inquiry . With the Governments reversed , Labour , after years of vociferous campaigning for the inquiry , took on the former Governments position and was now refusing it . The Conservative 's , in their turn , took up Labour 's former stance , and were now pushing for an inquiry . " I do not think that an inquiry would serve any useful purpose at this stage . I think it would be kinder not to express views one way or the other . " said Soskice . Herbert Wolfe was a German refugee living in Darlington , who had arrived in Britain in 1933 to escape what was happening in his own country . To him , the concept of British justice was precious and something that should not be taken for granted . He had read Kennedy 's book and , convinced of the innocence of Timothy Evans , wrote an article that he sent to the editor of his local paper , The Northern Echo . Darlington is far from London , and the local paper could hardly have any influence on the Government . But the editor happened to be Harold Evans , an exceptional journalist who would go on to become editor of The Sunday Times and is now editor at large for Reuters . He said , " After receiving Wolfe 's article , I got hold of Kennedy 's book . I read it on the train to London , and became so angry I wanted to pull the communication cord . I thought , this is an outrage ; something must be done about it . " Every day , for months , Evans published something about the case . He produced pamphlets , while Wolfe ceaselessly telephoned people about the case . On July 28 , 1965 , with Ludovic Kennedy as its chairman , the Timothy Evans committee was formed . With the press coverage that was generated , Evans pressed the Prime Minister Harold Wilson , who capitulated and promised that the Government would do something . The conclusion was bizarre . Christie , the report decided , did kill Geraldine Evans , but Timothy killed Beryl . Despite this astonishing conclusion , the report did agree that a jury could not have convicted Evans on any murder if all of the available evidence had been presented in court . Mary Westlake , Evans ' half - sister , and his sister Eileen Ashby , were awarded payment as compensation for their brothers ' miscarriage of justice , in January 2003 . Lord Brennan , the independent assessor for the Home Office , stated that " the conviction and execution of Timothy Evans for the murder of his child was wrongful and a miscarriage of justice . " He went on to add , " there is no evidence to implicate Timothy Evans in the murder of his wife . She was most probably murdered by Christie . " Brennan believed that Brabin 's conclusion that Evans murdered Beryl should be rejected . The following year , on November 16 , Mary Westlake appealed to the High Court . She wanted them to overturn a decision made by the Criminal Cases Review Commission not to refer Evans 's case to the Court of Appeal . Her argument was that though he had been pardoned , it had not formally erased his conviction for murder . The Evans Case Helps Fire the Anti - Death Penalty Movement in Great Britain Although the case of Timothy Evans was a boost to those who were opposed to capital punishment , it wasn 't the only one to have an impact , and it wasn 't , as some have thought , one of the cases that started the abolition campaign . The truth is that the abolition question had been around for several decades . However there is no doubt that the Evans case was of major importance for those wishing to end the practice . Capital punishment was suspended as a five year experiment , and became permanent in 1969 . But this was only for murder . Until 1971 , the death penalty remained for causing a fire or explosion in a naval dockyard , and remained until 1981 for espionage . Piracy that included violence was still a hanging crime until 1998 , as was treason and various offenses within the military . AboutWith the purpose of writing about true crime in an authoritative , fact - based manner , veteran journalists J . J . Maloney and J . Patrick O ' Connor launched Crime Magazine in November of 1998 . Their goal was to cover all aspects of true crime : Read More

John Reginald Halliday Christie Serial Killer Reg Christie pinned one of his eight murders on the witless Timothy Evans before he was discovered to be the " Monster of 10 Rillington Place . " Evans 's execution by hanging - and his posthumous pardon - helped lead to the abolishment of the death penalty in Great Britain . by Mark Pulham When most people think of Notting Hill , there are a few things that first come to mind . One could be the Notting Hill carnival , a colorful event held every year by the West Indian community and , after Rio , the second largest street carnival in the world . Or it may be Portobello Road , home to the worlds largest Antiques Market , held every Saturday , and also the home to the Portobello Film Festival , where over 700 films have had their premiers . Rillington Place was a typical street in the area . Number 10 was a narrow , dreary , and depressing house at the end of a narrow , dreary , and depressing cul - de - sac . Built probably around 1869 , it was a grimy and cramped house that had been , like many others , split into three flats , one on each floor . At the beginning of 1948 , only two of the flats were occupied . In the ground floor flat lived the Christies , Reg and Ethel . Their flat consisted of a front living room , a back bedroom , and a kitchen , which included a pantry or cupboard . A passageway led from the front door of the house through to the back door , splitting the Christie 's kitchen from their other rooms . Outside , there was a small wash - house with a sink and a boiler , where the occupants could do small amounts of laundry . Also outside was the only lavatory , which everyone had to use . Access to both of these was through the passageway that separated the Christie 's kitchen from the rest of their flat . Even before he was born , he had lost someone . His father , Daniel , had walked out on his pregnant wife Thomasina and their daughter , 3 - year - old Eileen . Nothing was heard from Daniel again . Young Timothy had problems as a child . He would have unmanageable tantrums and had trouble learning to speak . He also had a low IQ and had great difficulty learning anything at school . To make matters worse , at the age of 8 , he suffered an injury to his right foot and he developed a tubular plantar wart . It never healed completely , and much of his time was spent at the hospital , which only added to his lack of education . Timothy 's older sister , Eileen , had found a place for them . It wasn 't too far away , just around the corner in Rillington Place . The young couple moved into number 10 . On October 10 , 1948 , at Queen Charlotte 's Maternity Hospital , Beryl gave birth to a baby daughter who they named Geraldine . Her arrival could not have helped . There was now less space in the small two roomed flat , and Timothy 's wages were barely enough to cover the two of them , let alone a baby as well . He told them that he had disposed of his wife . Her body had been put down a drain outside his home in London . The police took him to Merthyr Tydfil police station where Detective Sergeant Gough and Detective Constable Evans took a statement . According to Timothy , it had all been an accident . Beryl was anxious to have the second pregnancy terminated , but abortion was illegal in Britain at that time . Timothy told the police that he met a man in the pub who told him he had something that would do the trick . If Beryl took it , it would cause an abortion . The man gave him a bottle which contained some mixture for Beryl to drink . It took three of them to lift the manhole cover , a sign in itself that Evans was lying , there was no way a man of his short stature could have lifted the cover alone . They looked down the drain and could see that there was no body down there . In any case , the drain was too narrow for a body to fit . Evans had to be lying . The police at Merthyr Tydfil were informed that nothing was found , and they told Timothy . He was then questioned again . Timothy changed his story , saying he may as well tell them the truth . He now told them that Beryl had died when their ground floor neighbor , Reg Christie , had tried to give her an abortion . Reg said that the last time he saw Beryl Evans was on Tuesday , November 8 . It was around midday and he saw her go out with Geraldine . He said that she looked scared about something . That same night , around midnight , he and Ethel were woken up by noises coming from upstairs , thumping sounds , as if someone was moving stuff around . It couldn 't have been Mr . Kitchener , Reg explained , as he was in the hospital . It had to have come from Evans 's flat . As the noise didn 't last for very long , they thought no more about it , and both went back to sleep . The following day , Evans came down to see the Christies . He explained to them that he was upset with his boss at work and had quit his van driver job . According to Christie , he was going to move to Bristol to be with Beryl , and so he had decided to sell all of his furniture . Evans had also been around to see his mother , and to her , he told a different story . He told her that Beryl had gone , not to Bristol , but to Brighton , to see her father . This seemed odd to Timothy 's mother . She knew that Beryl and her father did not get along . Why would she go there ? The Notting Hill Police , their suspicions aroused , did a quick search of the house and the garden , but nothing much was found . The only thing of significance was a newspaper clipping found in the Evans 's flat . The clipping was about the recent Stanley Setty murder case . The month before , Setty 's neatly wrapped torso had been discovered in some marshes in Essex . Had Timothy Evans done the same with his wife ? A briefcase was also found in the Evans flat , and it turned out to be stolen . Informed of the briefcase , the Merthyr Tydfil police charged Evans with theft and he was to be returned to London . The theft charge allowed the police to hold him while the search for Beryl continued . On December 2 , the police returned to number 10 , and the search this time produced grisly results . They tried to get into the tiny wash - house at the back of the building , but the door had become stuck . Ethel found a piece of metal that could be used to pry the door open and gave it to the police . They forced the door open and looked inside . It was dark in the wash - house , but they could see that there was some wood stacked up against the sink . One of the officers felt behind the wood and could feel some sort of package . The wood was removed and they found what appeared to be a large parcel wrapped up in a green tablecloth . They turned to Ethel and asked her what it may be , and she told them she had never seen it before . The police pulled the package out and untied the cord that was holding the package together . No sooner was the package loosened when out slipped a pair of feet . Unwrapped , the package revealed the moldering corpse of Beryl Evans . She had been beaten and strangled . The bodies were taken to Kensington Mortuary where the Home Office pathologist conducted the post mortems . Bruising over the right eye and on the lip showed that Beryl had been hit , probably more than once , and then she had been strangled with cord or rope . There was no evidence that any attempt at an abortion had taken place , though there was some bruising inside the vagina , indicating there may have been an attempt at sex . Timothy Evans was returned to London . He believed he was going to be questioned about the stolen briefcase that had been found in his flat . However , when he arrived at the train station accompanied by police officers , there were photographers waiting to take pictures of him . It was clear to Evans that this was not about the briefcase . She was incurring one debt after another and I could not stand it any longer , so I strangled her with a piece of rope and took her down to the flat below the same night whilst the old man [ Mr . Kitchener ] was in hospital . I waited until the Christies downstairs had gone to bed , then I took her to the wash - house after midnight . This was on Tuesday 8 November . On Thursday evening after I came home from work I strangled my baby in our bedroom with my tie and later that night I took her down into the wash - house after the Christies had gone to bed . Later , Timothy Evans would make a longer confession that , according to the police , took 75 minutes to write and read back to him . This confession goes into greater detail about the murders . He told of how he got angry and how he hit Beryl , and then , in an uncontrollable fit of temper , he strangled her . He told of how he got her body downstairs and into the wash - house and used the wood to cover her body before locking the door . The trial of Timothy Evans began on January 11 , 1950 at the Old Bailey . Unlike the present day , in the 1950 's you could only be tried for one murder at a time . Mr . Christmas Humphries was the prosecutor , and he wanted to avoid the defense motive of provocation that the defense would surely put forth if the trial was for the murder of Beryl Evans . With Geraldine , there could be no such motive , and so , although the murder of Beryl would be included in the testimony , the trial was for the murder of his 13 - month old - daughter . The prosecution 's case was simple . Evans and Beryl were in a difficult relationship . Their marriage was under a great deal of strain , with little money coming in , a baby to feed and clothe , and now , a second baby on the way . Dr . Teare gave his evidence , and Christie was also called by the prosecution . With Christie , Morris thought he saw a way to help with the defense . He had discovered that Christie had some past criminal convictions and hoped that would at least discredit him as a witness . It didn 't work . It did the opposite . Christie , for all his past faults , had not been in any trouble for the past 17 years . The jury was impressed by this man and the fact that he had turned his life around to become a model citizen . Reg Christie was a war hero , having been gassed during the First World War , which had left him with his soft voice . He had also been a War reserve policeman during World War Two . But the evidence was all against him . Evans had described the murders in precise and accurate detail , because , the prosecution pointed out , he was the one who committed the murders . Only the killer would know the details so clearly . Morris pointed to the second confession given by Evans in which he implicated Christie . Morris hoped that it would confuse the issue and raise a reasonable doubt . But it was useless . Evans was a known liar , he was a known drunk , he was known to be violent , and he was known to have a short temper . He 'd admitted to the murders in more than one statement . The jury filed out of the courtroom for its deliberations , but was back within 40 minutes . The verdict , reached swiftly , was a foregone conclusion . Timothy John Evans was found guilty on the charge of murdering his 13 - month - old daughter . The sentence was death by hanging . Christie , still in the courtroom , burst into a flood of tears . Other news quickly replaced that rapidly dwindling interest in the killings . That same year , in July , Sainsbury 's opened the first purpose built supermarket , and in August , Princess Elizabeth gave birth to her second child , Princess Anne . In November , George Bernard Shaw died at the age of 94 . In addition to the top flat now being empty after the murders , the second floor flat was also vacant as Charles Kitchener had also moved out . Ethel Christie also wanted to move away , the new tenants scared her , and Reg had gone into a depression after the trial . Reg had also lost his job , thanks to some of the disclosures about his convictions that were revealed at the trial . By the end of 1952 , Reg was living alone . Reg had found a new job up in Sheffield , and Ethel had already left , having relatives there . Reg would join her later . Reg was desperate to move out and sold all of his furniture . He stayed in the unfurnished flat well into March 1953 , when he met a woman named Reilly . She told Christie that she was looking for a flat to rent , and Christie said that she could have his . She came round with her husband and had a look at the flat . They thought it would suit them , and Christie took three months rent in advance off them . Christie then borrowed a suitcase from them , put the last of his things in it , and left on March 20 , 1953 . The Reilly 's didn 't get much of a chance to settle in . The next day , the landlord came around and was surprised to find them there . He was angry ; Christie had no right to rent the place out as it wasn 't his . Beresford liked music while he worked , and so the first thing he wanted to do was put up a shelf so he had somewhere to put his radio . He began to tap on the walls to find a suitable spot , and one part of the wall sounded hollow . There had to be some sort of space behind the wall . At the edge , some of the wallpaper was coming away and he pulled on that . He found the door that led to the pantry or cupboard . He managed to get the door partly open , and then he grabbed his flashlight and looked through the crack in the door . What he saw made him reel back in horror . The beam from his flashlight had revealed a woman sitting there , her back toward him . She was semi - naked and obviously dead . Beresford called the police . Several officers arrived and the door to the pantry was opened . The woman sat with her back toward them , leaning forward . The police took her out and moved her to the front room for examination . She was wearing only a bra , a garter belt , and stockings . Her wrists had been bound together by a handkerchief tied in a reef knot , and some clothing had been wedged between her legs to act as a diaper to absorb seepage from her vagina and rectum . There was another object in the cupboard , wrapped in a blanket . The police removed it , and found that it was the body of a second woman . In the cupboard , she had been placed upside down on her head and leaned against the wall . The police were not finished yet . They removed a third body , like the second placed upside down in the cupboard . This victim had her ankles bound , this time with electrical cord , and once again , a reef knot was used . Also tied with a reef knot was the cloth used to cover her head . If the police felt relieved and thought that it was now over , that relief was short lived . Noticing that the floorboards in the living room were loose , the police took them up . There was some loose rubble underneath and , after a short dig , they found the remains of a fourth woman . Back at the mortuary , the post mortems began . The first body to be found was that of a brunette in her early to mid twenties . She had been dead for around four weeks , killed by a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and strangulation . It was determined that she had been suffering from the effects of the carbon monoxide gas when she was strangled with a smooth surfaced cord . There were scratch marks along her back which indicated that she had been dragged along the floor after she was dead . There were also indications that sexual intercourse had also taken place . The next body was also in her mid - twenties with light brown hair . She seemed to have been in good health when she died . She had a pinkish color to her , which indicated that she too had been poisoned with carbon monoxide gas . Like the first , she had also been strangled . She showed signs of heavy drinking on the day that she had died , and she had also had sexual intercourse , either just before or just after she had died . She was wearing a cardigan and a vest , and another vest had been placed between her legs to act as a diaper . She had been dead somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks . The third body , this time a blonde , was , like the first two , in her mid - twenties . Once more , the pinkness of the corpse indicated that she had been gassed before strangulation had taken place . This victim wore a dress , a petticoat , two vests , a bra , and a cardigan . Once more , there was a piece of cloth between the legs to act as a diaper . This victim was also six months pregnant . Once again , sexual intercourse seemed to have occurred either just before or just after death . When the fourth body arrived the next morning , it was clear that there was a significant difference between this one and the first three . First of all , she was older , somewhere in her mid fifties , a plump woman , with missing teeth . A flowered dress and a silk nightgown were wrapped around the body , and then wrapped once more in a flannel blanket . Her head had been covered by a pillowcase . It did not take long to identify the victims . The three younger victims turned out to be prostitutes that Christie had invited back to the flat . They were Rita Nelson , aged 25 , Kathleen Maloney , aged 26 , and Hectorina McLennan , also aged 26 . The older woman who was found under the floor was Ethel Christie . The search of Number 10 continued the next day . Among the things found was an old tobacco tin which , when opened , was found to contain four tufts of pubic hair . None of the pubic hair matched the victims . In the garden , more searchers discovered a human femur , in plain view , propping up the sagging back fence . More bones were discovered , along with some hair and some parts of a dress . By the time the search was completed , they had two more victims , though one of them was missing a head . Both were female . It wasn 't long before both of the victims were identified . Ruth Fuerst was 21 years old when she disappeared . A tall girl at five - foot - eight , she had left Austria in 1939 to come to London . She went missing on August 24 , 1943 . Muriel Eady worked at Ultra Radio Works in 1944 . One day , the 32 year old met a fellow worker in the canteen . His name was Reg Christie . She vanished in October of that year . She was last seen wearing a black wool dress , just like the scraps of a dress that was found in the garden . Some hair that was found also matched Muriel 's . Six bodies were found in total , and now the hunt was on for Christie . John Reginald Halliday Christie was born on April 8 , 1899 , in an isolated house known as " Black Boy " in Turner Lane , Shibden , a small village a few miles east of Halifax , Yorkshire . According to Christie himself , he had a very rosy childhood . He enjoyed school , was excellent at math , and was good at games , especially soccer . He loved animals , a love that lasted all of his life , and at one point , he was an assistant Scout master and a member of the local choir . Christie 's father , Ernest John Christie , was feared in his home . He was a severe and tyrannical man whose temper would explode on the slightest annoyance . Reg was scared of his father and his grandfather . At the age of 8 , Reg experienced death for the first time , when his hated grandfather died . The body was laid out in the house for visitors to come and pay their respects and , like the rest of the family , Reg viewed the body . It must have been a revelation to Reg , that this man , who scared him so badly while he was alive , now didn 't scare him at all in death . It is likely that this is the moment when Reg saw that the dead cannot hurt you , and this lasted into his adult life . Soon after , Reg began playing in the local cemetery where he liked to look at the graves . In June , 1918 , Christie was caught in a mustard gas attack , and spent a month in hospital . According to Christie , he was blinded by the gas for three months and unable to talk for three and a half years because of the attack . There is no evidence of his blindness , and although he may have been unable to speak for a short while , it was more likely due to a psychological reason , and not a physical one . Even so , it could not have been for the length of time that he claimed as just seven weeks later he was declared fit enough for active duty . During his time in the army , Christie became a frequent customer of prostitutes . He discovered that as he didn 't have to please them or prove his manhood , he was able to perform normally . However , they had to be compliant and unresponsive for him to achieve erection and penetration . After he left the army , he met Ethel Simpson Waddington , a very passive girl , which suited Christie . On May 10 , 1920 , they married at Halifax Registry Office . But Christie 's sexual problems remained , and during their courtship , they never had sex at all . Christie , instead , continued to use the services of prostitutes for his sexual needs . In January , 1923 , he found himself in trouble again . This time , he was convicted of obtaining money by false pretences and violent conduct . For this , he received a sentence of 12 months probation . The following year , 1924 , he got nine months hard labor for stealing goods and money . By this time , Ethel was fed up with her husbands petty stealing and inability to hold down a job . She left him and moved in with relatives . Christie moved down to London . By 1929 , Christie was living in Battersea , South London , with a prostitute , and once more , Christie found himself in trouble . In what was described by the judge as a " murderous attack , " Christie had clubbed the prostitute across the head with a cricket bat . Yet , despite the severity of the attack , Christie was only sentenced to six months hard labor . While in prison , Christie got in touch with Ethel and asked if she would visit him . Ethel was lonely , and dismissing the past , came to see him . After Christie was released from prison , Ethel and Christie decided to put the past behind them and reconcile . They moved back in together . In 1934 , Christie was hit by a car while he was out cycling . Taken to hospital , he had to have an operation on his knee . Once again , playing for sympathy , he exaggerated his injuries , stating that he was unconscious for more than an hour , a fact that is not mentioned in hospital records . Christie , for the first time in his life , was in a position of power , and he used it . His neighbors began to dislike this man who abused his position and acted like a bully . He even got himself a new nickname , " The Himmler of Rillington Place . " While he was at Harrow Road , Christie met a married woman whose husband was fighting overseas , and he began to see her in secret , although whether there was a sexual relationship is unknown . The relationship lasted until the middle of 1943 , when the husband returned home unexpectedly and caught them together . Christie took a beating from the husband , and this may have been the trigger that started the murders . In 1943 , most likely after his beating , Christie , still a War Reserve policeman , visited a snack bar in Ladbroke Grove . He was there , supposedly , on police business , though he was actually off duty at the time . While there , he caught the eye of a 21 - year - old Austrian girl named Ruth Fuerst , who worked at a munitions factory and lived not far from Rillington Place . There is some suggestion , likely correct , that Ruth supplemented her income by working as a prostitute part time . Christie struck up a conversation with her , and a relationship began . Soon , they were meeting regularly , and one day in August , Christie took Ruth back to 10 Rillington Place . Ethel was away visiting relatives in Sheffield and Christie had the flat to himself . According to Christie , he and Ruth were in the bedroom at 10 Rillington Place when suddenly , " She undressed and wanted me to have intercourse with her . I got a telegram while she was there , saying that my wife was on her way home . The girl wanted us to team up together and go right away somewhere together . I would not do that . I got on the bed and had intercourse with her . I strangled her with a piece of rope . " The next day , Ethel 's brother left , and Ethel went off to work , leaving Christie to carry on with the disposal of his first victim . After removing the floorboards , he dragged Ruth out to the wash - house in the back and hid the body there . Then he began to dig a grave for her in the garden . Before he had finished , Ethel came home , and they had a cup of tea together . That night , after Ethel had gone to bed , Christie stayed up and carried on with his grisly task . When the hole was deep enough , he went to the wash - house and dragged the body of Ruth Fuerst over to the grave and dropped her in , along with her clothes . He then filled the hole and went to bed . Christie would later admit that he felt a powerful thrill as he looked down at his first victim . The next day , Christie raked over the area where he had buried the body , and accidentally pulled up some of the clothing . This he put in an old dustbin that was used for burning rubbish . Some months later , Christie accidentally dug up Ruth 's skull . This went into the dustbin as well , where it would eventually be discovered during the police search . Muriel suffered from bronchial catarrh and had told Christie about it . Christie had always liked to give the impression he had some medical knowledge , a claim supported by the " medical " books that he owned , which were really nothing more than books he had picked up as a first aid worker . Some even believed that he was a doctor who had been struck off for some reason . Christie told Muriel that he could help with her problem , and he invited her around the Rillington Place for some treatment . It was October , 1944 , and Ethel was , once again , away visiting relatives in Sheffield , leaving Christie home alone . It was the opportunity he had been waiting for . He invited Muriel around and made her a cup of tea , and then showed her the device that he would use to cure her of her problems with catarrh . It was a fairly simple device . A square jar with a metal lid held the special inhalant that smelled of Friar 's Balsam . The lid had two holes in it , and through these holes were two tubes . One of the tubes went down into the liquid while the other end trailed off around the back of the deck chair that she was to sit in . The other tube did not go into the liquid , and the other end was attached to a home made mask that the user would breathe through . As Muriel breathed deeply , Christie reached behind the chair . The other end of the tubing that went into the liquid was attached to the coal gas pipe . Christie released the gas , and Muriel , unable to smell the poisonous carbon monoxide gas because of the Friar 's Balsam , quickly went limp as consciousness faded away . The sexually aroused Christie began to strangle Muriel as he penetrated her body . Soon he was finished , and Muriel was dead . Christie had cured her catarrh , and any other ailment she may have been suffering from . Once again , he dragged the body out to the wash - house where it remained while he dug another grave in the garden . Muriel was buried not too far from where Ruth Fuerst lay . When , some time later , Christie managed to dig up her femur by accident , he just used it to prop up the sagging fence . It is probable that Christie felt a desire for Beryl Evans right from the beginning , he just had to bide his time . Timothy Evans was impressed with his soft spoken neighbor , who was obviously educated beyond Evans 's capabilities , especially as he had medical knowledge , or so he hinted . Christie showed Timothy his " medical " books , and Evans would believe anything Christie said . Christie had to have realized that here was a man who could be manipulated and easily tricked . And when the time came , Christie struck . With a second baby on the way , Beryl wanted to have an abortion , and who better to turn to than their neighbor , a respectable former policeman with medical expertise . He would surely help . But when Timothy Evans found out about Beryl 's plan to get rid of the baby , he wanted no part of it , and he told Christie that they were not interested in getting an abortion . Christie , seeing an opportunity slip away , tried to persuade him that everything would be okay , but Timothy still refused . But Beryl was still insistent , and would go through with it . A short while later , Timothy discovered that money he had been giving to Beryl for housekeeping had been spent on other things , and a serious argument broke out . Timothy threatened to leave , and Beryl told him to go . Instead , he went to the movies . There were workmen in the house the next day . They had been coming since the end of October , working on the wash - house and the roof , and ripping out walls and floors where Christie felt there was a problem . Kitchener was away in the hospital , and apart from the workmen , Christie and Beryl were alone in the house . According to Christie , he came upstairs to Beryl sometime around midday . She had made preparations by spreading out a quilt in front of the fire . When Christie came in , Beryl lay down upon it . Christie is then unclear about what happened next . In one account , Beryl went into a panic and Christie started to hit her . He then pulled out a cord and strangled her . In one of his accounts he says that he tried to have intercourse with her , but he couldn 't , and in another account , he states that he did have intercourse with her . He also stated that a short while before , Beryl had tried to kill herself with gas , and he had found her lying on the floor in front of the fire with the gas on . He opened the door and the windows to get rid of the gas , then made her a cup of tea and comforted her . According to Christie , the next day she asked him to help her commit suicide , and " she said she would do anything … I think she was referring to letting me be intimate with her . " Once again , the death was not his fault , she wanted to die . All he did was help her . " I turned the gas tap on and as near as I can make out I held it close to her face . When she became unconscious I turned the tap off . I was going to try to have intercourse with her but it was impossible . I couldn 't bend over . I think that is when I strangled her . " Which of his accounts , if any , is the true one is not clear , though it is more likely that he attempted sex but couldn 't do it as he was suffering from back pains at the time , making some movement difficult . Joan Vincent was a friend of Beryl 's , and around this time , she paid a call on her . She was surprised to find that the door to Beryl 's flat was closed , something Beryl never did . Joan knocked on the door but there was no answer , which was also a surprise as Beryl was usually home at this time . Joan tried the door , which opened a little and then was blocked . Joan said later that although there was no sound , she was certain that there was someone on the other side of the door , blocking it from opening . If this is true , then Christie must have been in a panic , but managed to show coolness under pressure . When Timothy arrived home from work that evening , he found Christie waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs . He told Evans to go up , he would follow behind . When they reached the top floor , Christie told Timothy that it was bad news . The abortion procedure didn 't work , and Beryl had died . Christie led the distraught Timothy into the bedroom where , lying on the bed and covered with a blanket , was the body of his wife , Beryl . Timothy was distressed and vulnerable , and open to suggestion . Christie persuaded Timothy that going to the police would just cause trouble for the both of them . Would that be fair on Christie , as all he had done was try to help , and abortion was illegal . As for Timothy , the arguments and the violence would surely point the finger at him for the death of his wife . Christie 's persuasiveness worked , Timothy would agree to whatever Christie said . Christie told Timothy that he would dispose of the body . First , they would both move it down into Kitchener 's empty flat and put the body in the kitchen . Christie would need Timothy 's help with this as he was unable to lift her on his own because of his bad back . Christie then told Timothy that he would get rid of the body later by putting it down the drain outside . Evans would have to leave and so he agreed to stay with his mother . However , he would take Geraldine with him . Christie said this was a bad idea . It would cause too much suspicion . People would see him with Geraldine and begin to wonder where Beryl was . Christie said that he would think of something . Timothy stayed in the flat overnight , and by the next day , Christie had come up with a solution . Christie knew of a young couple who were childless and desperately wanted a baby . They would take Geraldine and Timothy would be assured that she was being looked after . Timothy was to let people know that Beryl had gone away with Geraldine for a holiday . Timothy prepared Geraldine 's things for her move to a new home , having been told by Christie that the couple would be arriving sometime that day to collect her . Joan Vincent returned later that day and she started up the stairs to see Beryl . Christie , seeing her , headed her off and asked what she wanted . When she said that she 'd come to visit Beryl , Christie told her that Beryl and Geraldine had gone away . However , Joan could see the baby furniture and the pram . Christie said it would be better if she did not come back . When the builders finished their work and had left the premises , Christie got both bodies downstairs and out to the back . Beryl and Geraldine , now neatly wrapped in blankets and tablecloths , were hidden in the wash - house and covered with the floorboards that had been left by the workmen . They stayed there until they were discovered by the police on December 2 . After the execution of Timothy Evans , things began to change at 10 Rillington Place . Christie , always a hypochondriac , had become worse . He felt that he was being persecuted , and his mental state caused him to be examined at the Springfield Mental Hospital for a short while , where he was found by Dr . Petit to be " an insignificant , old womanish city man . Girlish voice , mincing walk . Latent homosexual , though not overt . " By 1952 , Christie had quit his job and was now home all the time , and Ethel was not visiting her relatives in Sheffield as much as she did in the past . Christie was frustrated . He wanted to kill again , he had not murdered anyone since Beryl over three years before , and there was an obstacle in his way . Ethel . On the morning of December 14 , 1952 , Christie strangled Ethel as she lay in bed . According to Christie , " I was awakened at about 8 : 15 a . m . I think it was my wife moving about in bed . I sat up and saw that she appeared to be convulsive . Her face was blue and she was choking . I did what I could to try to restore her breathing , but it was hopeless . It appeared too late to call for assistance , that is when I couldn 't bear to see her , so I got a stocking and tied it around her neck to put her to sleep . " He added he had no idea what it was that were causing his wife to have convulsions , but as he got out of bed after her death , he " saw a small bottle and a cup half - full of water on a small table near the bed . I noticed that the bottle contained two pheno - barbitone tablets and it originally contained twenty - five . I knew then that she must have taken the remainder . " Ethel 's post mortem , however , showed no trace of pills in her stomach . He left her in bed for three days as he did not know what to do with her , but then remembered the loose floorboards in the living room , where Ruth Fuerst once spent the night . Christie also began sending out letters from Ethel to relatives that she had written but had not gotten around to mailing before she was killed . Christie changed the date on them to make it appear they were written later . In subsequent letters , he wrote them himself , explaining that Ethel 's rheumatism prevented her from writing and that she was dictating them to him . Christie had been unemployed since December 6 , and needed money . He sold Ethel 's wedding ring and her watch , and started to sell off the furniture . Each week , he went down to the Labour Exchange to collect unemployment benefits , and on January 26 , 1953 , he forged Ethel 's signature and went to the bank where he emptied her account . Sometime between January 2 and 19 , 1953 , Christie had a chance meeting with 25 - year - old Rita Nelson , a prostitute who was six months pregnant . It 's likely that she met Christie in a pub , and once again pretending to have medical knowledge , he persuaded Rita that he could abort the unwanted child . Rita came round to Rillington Place where , as he did with Muriel Eady , had Rita sit in a chair while he helped her put on the gas mask . Once unconscious , her fate was the same as the previous victims , pulled to the floor and raped as he strangled her to death . Christie 's version is different . I lived in the flat and one evening I went up Ladbroke Grove to get some fish and chips for the animals . I had a dog and a cat . On the way back , in Ladbroke Grove , a drunken woman stood in front of me and demanded a pound for me to take her round the corner . I said . ' I am not interested and I haven 't got money to throw away . ' I 'm not like that . I haven 't had intercourse with any women for over two years , my doctor will tell you that . He is Doctor Odess , Colville Square . She then demanded 30 shillings and said she would scream and say I had interfered with her if I didn 't give it to her . I walked away as I am so well known around there and she would have obviously caused a scene . She came along , she wouldn 't go and she came right to the door still demanding 30 shillings . When I opened the door she forced her way in . I went to the kitchen and she was still on about this 30 shillings . I tried to get her out and she picked up a frying pan to hit me . I closed with her and there was a struggle and she fell back on the chair . It was a deck chair . There was a piece of rope hanging from the chair . I don 't know what happened but I must have gone haywire . The next thing I remember she was lying in the chair with the rope round her neck . I don 't remember taking it off . It couldn 't have been tied . I left her there and went into the front room . After that I believe I had a cup of tea and went to bed . A few days after the death of Rita Nelson , Christie went into a café in Notting Hill . The café was crowded and Christie had to share a table with two young women . The two women were talking about their search for a suitable flat for accommodation . Christie gave his account of the meeting . I went into a café in Notting Hill for a cup of tea and a sandwich . The café was pretty full ; there wasn 't much space . Two girls sat at a table and I sat opposite at the same table . They were talking about rooms , where they had been looking to get accommodation . Then one of them spoke to me . She asked me for a cigarette and then started a conversation . During the conversation , I mentioned about leaving my flat and that it would be vacant very soon , and they suggested coming down together to see it in the evening . Only one came down . The one that came down was 26 - year - old Kathleen Maloney , a part time prostitute and nude model . How he got her to sit in the chair while he gassed her is unknown , but as her post mortem showed that she had been drinking heavily , it is likely that she was drunk enough for Christie to handle her with some ease and get the mask over her face . Once again , Christie 's version is self serving . She looked over the flat . She said it would be suitable subject to the landlord 's permission . It was then that she made suggestions that she would visit me for a few days . She said this so that I would use my influence with the landlord as a sort of payment of kind . I was rather annoyed and told her that it didn 't interest me . I think she started saying I was making accusations against her when she saw there was nothing doing . She said that she would bring someone down to me . I believe it was then that she mentioned something about Irish blood . She was in a violent temper . I remember she started fighting . I am very quiet and avoid fighting . I know there was something , it 's in the back of my mind . She was on the floor . I must have put her in the alcove straight away . Hectorina McLennan was Christie 's final victim . On March 3 , the 26 year old was leaving a café with her boyfriend , a man named Baker , when they bumped into Christie . As Baker crossed over the road to chat with a friend , Christie struck up a conversation with Hectorina . During the conversation , she told Christie that she and Baker had just been evicted from their flat and were looking for somewhere else to stay . Christie , no doubt seeing an opportunity , offered them both accommodations at his home for a few days until they could find somewhere more suitable . The girl came back alone . She asked if he had called and I said ' No ' , but I was expecting him . She said she would wait , but I told her she couldn 't and that he may be looking for her , and that she must go and that she couldn 't stay there alone . She was very funny about it . I got hold of her arm and tried to lead her out . I pushed her out of the kitchen . She started struggling like anything and some of her clothing got torn . She then sort of fell limp as I got hold of her . She sank to the ground and I think that some of her clothing must have got caught around her neck in the struggle . She was just out of the kitchen in the passageway . I tried to lift her up but couldn 't . I then pulled her into the kitchen on to a chair . I felt her pulse , but it wasn 't beating . I pulled the cupboard away again and I must have put her in there . The Hunt for the Monster of Rillington Place Christie went to a Rowton House , a hostel for working men , in Kings Cross , where he paid for lodging for seven days , using his real name . But when the news of what had been discovered at Rillington Place hit the headlines , Christie left . For the rest of the time , he wandered around London , sleeping rough and spending most of his time in cafés and movie theatres . Norman Rae was the chief crime reporter for the News Of The World newspaper , and he remembered the Evans case very well , having covered it for the newspaper three years earlier . As with all of the newspapers , the News Of The World was considering the Evans 's side of the story , and Rae was about to become personally involved . It was late at night on March 29 when Rae 's telephone rang at the News Of The World office . Rae picked it up . On the other end , a whispery voice asked Rae if he remembered him . Rae remembered him very well ; he had interviewed Christie three years earlier when he covered the Evans killings . Christie wanted to give Rae an exclusive , and offered to meet a few hours later outside Wood Green Town Hall . Rae said that he would be there . Rae , along with a driver , got over to Wood Green and waited in the darkened car for Christie to show . Soon , there was movement , and Christie appeared in the shadows . On the last day of March , Christie was on the bank of the Thames at Putney Embankment , leaning over the railing and looking at the river . A police constable named Thomas Ledger walked past and thought the man looked suspicious . Ledger stopped and asked the man his name . " John Waddington " replied the man , and said he was 35 years old and was waiting to get his unemployment cards . Ledger asked the man to remove his hat . Once Ledger got a good look at him , with his bald head and his whispering voice , he knew who stood in front of him . Ledger arrested him and took him to Putney Police Station in a police van that happened to be passing at the right moment . Realizing that the pretense would do no good , " John Waddington " gave his real name . John Reginald Halliday Christie , the monster of Rillington Place , had been captured . Over the following few months , Christie would confess to his crimes on three separate occasions . His confessions , though essentially true in that he was the murderer , were designed to show him in the best light , and his explanations as to how and why the killings took place were self serving . Facts were altered , some details were exaggerated , and some details were conveniently forgotten . He gave an account of his life to the Sunday Pictorial newspaper in which he claimed that a powerful and mysterious force that he couldn 't control made him commit the murders . He tried to present himself as someone who was forced to kill his victims by the victims themselves . Ruth asked for it by stripping off and demanding sex . Beryl wanted to commit suicide , all he did was help . His last three victims were violent and the deaths were self defense . Even Ethel 's death was a mercy killing . The truth was that Ethel was in the way , and Christie wanted to pursue his murderous hobby . It also may have been that Ethel had put two and two together , and was beginning to suspect that he may have had a hand in the death of Beryl Evans . Muriel Eady was the only one of his victims that he didn 't blame for her own death . And he never admitted , not officially anyway , that he was responsible for the death of Geraldine Evans . But he couldn 't , not if his defense plan was going to work . With all of his victims , it was their own fault , or , in the case of Ethel , it was a mercy killing . The prostitutes provoked him with their overt sexual attempts or their violent attacks on him , and Beryl wanted to die anyway . None of these excuses could be placed on a 13 - month - old little girl . The truth was that Geraldine was murdered simply to get rid of a problem . If Beryl and Geraldine disappeared , then it could be assumed that they had just left , with Beryl fed up with Timothy and taking the baby with her . If Timothy and Geraldine were together , then people would start asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Beryl , and the truth could come out . The trail could have led back to Christie . So Geraldine had to go . The facts as stated by the prosecution showed a man who was devious , who tried to conceal the murder of his wife by hiding the body underneath the floorboards , who tried to convince others through forged letters that she was still alive . This was a man who had forged his wife 's signature in order to obtain the contents of her bank account by deceit , and then forged her signature to a receipt to say that she had received it . This man had told people that she was with her relatives in Sheffield , and he had told the person to whom he sold the furniture that she had gone away and that he was joining her later . The defense chose to bring into evidence the other killings , which may prove that he was insane . The defense maintained that although Christie knew what he was doing , he did not know that it was wrong . Christie was called on to testify , and throughout his story , he would mumble , or refuse to speak , and answered many of the questions with , " I don 't know " or " I cannot remember . " The prosecution called its psychiatrist for the rebuttal . In his opinion , Christie knew that what he was doing was wrong , he just didn 't care . A second psychiatrist told the court that the " falsification of memory " in which he cannot remember specific details of the murders , which the defense put forth as further proof of insanity , were merely Christie 's attempts to deliberately hide the truth . His lapses of memory were only apparent when it was convenient for him not to remember something that was damning , but his memory appeared to be perfectly sound when he was remembering anything that was of benefit to his defense . The defense had a weak case . It tried to convince the jury that the murder of Ethel Christie was completely motiveless , and only a madman would kill for no reason . Yet a reason had come up . The motive for the murder of Ethel Christie was a by - product of lust . Christie needed Ethel out of the way to continue his lustful killings of the other women . On July 15 , just 20 days after the judge read the sentence , Christie faced the noose at Pentonville Prison , the same noose that Timothy Evans faced just over three years before . With his arms bound , Christie complained that his nose was itchy . The hangman , Albert Pierrepoint reassured Christie , " It won 't bother you for long . " Did Christie kill more than eight people ? It seems likely that these were not his only victims . As a wartime policeman , there would be many opportunities to kill and get rid of the body in a bombed building . The four clumps of pubic hair that didn 't belong to any known victims would point to there being others . And the gaps between killings are long , which is also unusual . But these are questions that can never be answered . For the residents of Rillington Place , life became a nightmare . Sightseers flocked to see the infamous house , crowding the already narrow cul - de - sac . Mrs . Sarah McFadden , the resident at number 3 , organized a petition , which was signed by 83 residents , asking for a change to the street name . It was presented to the council on May 19 , 1953 . Although the council felt that the name change would make no difference to the sightseers , the name was finally changed in May the following year , to Ruston Close . As the council suspected , it didn 't stop the sightseers . But there was a problem , the police had not done their job . The fact was the police investigation into the deaths of Beryl and Geraldine was a mess . When Evans told the police in Wales that he had disposed of his wife , they were certain that he was responsible . The fact that it took three men to lift the cover on the drain showed that Evans was a liar . The police , believing that they had their man , were determined that he should not escape justice . Evans , after being told that his wife 's body was not where he told them it would be , told them that Christie did it . The police decided that this was just to shift the blame . They may have been right , but they should still have checked Christie 's background , just to be on the safe side . If they had , Christie past convictions , including one for the " murderous attack " on a woman , would have come to light , and Christie would not have been regarded as the decent and upstanding citizen that he pretended to be . But beyond that , there were other aspects of the " investigation " that were , at best , criminally negligent . While searching for Beryl 's body in the garden , the police failed to notice a human thigh bone propping up the sagging fence , even though the garden was , supposedly , examined . Some other bones were visible , thanks to Christie 's dog having dug them up . Shortly after the police search , the dog pulled up the skull of Muriel Eady . Christie slipped it under his coat and walked past the policemen waiting outside the house and threw it into a bombed out house in St . Mark 's Road , where it was discovered shortly after . It was handed in to the police , who decided it was a bomb victim . Why did they not question the fact that the house had been bombed eight or nine years before , but the skull only discovered now ? Why did they not consider it to be too much of a coincidence that they find a skull at the same time as they are looking for a body just around the corner ? It defied explanation . The discovery of the clipping concerning the Stanley Setty murder told the police that Evans was going to get rid of the bodies in the same manner . Why would he have a clipping otherwise . The problem was , why would he have a clipping at all , he couldn 't read , it would have been indecipherable to him . But Christie was known to be an avid clipper . The bodies of Beryl and Geraldine were found in the wash - house on December 2 , and had been dead for three weeks . That , according to the police thinking , is where Evans left them . But the workmen who had been doing work there since October had been using the wash - house to store their tools , and the bodies were certainly not there during that time . The workmen had only finished using the wash - house the day before the bodies were discovered . The workmen also stated that the wood that was used to cover the bodies was from floorboards that had been taken up after Evans had left , and the wood had been given to Christie . With this evidence , the guilt of Timothy Evans should have been , at the very least , questioned . He couldn 't have moved the bodies to the wash - house the day before ; he was already in police custody . But the confessions were proof that Evans committed the murders . They were very detailed and accurate , he knew where the bodies were , he knew how they had been killed , and he knew what they were wearing . How could he know so much detail if he was not the killer . The fact was that all of these details were already known to the police , and the police coached Evans in what to say during the confession . Evans was fearful of the police , there had been hints of violence if he didn 't come clean , and with this threat over him Evans was scared that he would be hurt . As they fed him the details of the murders , he agreed that it was so , and after a long night of interrogation ( and not the 75 minutes that the police stated it took ) , Evans had confessed to a murder that he didn 't commit in details that should have been known only to the killer . But the workmen who were at 10 Rillington Place were never called . In addition , the police re - interviewed the workmen , and managed to get some of them at least to change their story to fit in with the theory that Evans killed his family . According to one source , they even produced a photograph of a dead baby ( not connected to the case ) to manipulate the workers emotionally . In his summing up , the judge presented the jury with two options . Either Dr . Teare , the pathologist was lying about the post mortem results , or Evans was lying . He pointed out that Evans had a reputation and a record as a habitual liar , and pointed out the luminous reputation of Christie . The newspaper cutting about the Setty murder was referred to in the inquiry , showing that Evans probably planned to dispose of the bodies in the same manner . The fact that Evans was illiterate and couldn 't read , and that Christie was known to be an avid newspaper clipper , was also dismissed . Other evidence that would have pointed to Evans being innocent of the charge was also ignored . In Parliament , the report was viciously attacked . Geoffrey Bing , QC , the MP for Hornchurch delivered what , at the time , was called by Michael Foot , " one of the most formidable which has been delivered in this house for many years . " Bing stated , " The whole of the report was shot through with prejudice and evidence of all sorts of irregularities . " Michael Foot said it was not worth the paper it had been written on , and Reginald Paget said that it deliberately concealed the truth and was dishonest . One man stood up and gave his support to a growing campaign for justice for Timothy Evans . He was James Chuter Ede , later Baron Chuter - Ede , who in 1950 was the Home Secretary at the time of Evans ' execution . He concluded that a terrible mistake had been made . In 1955 , The Man on Your Conscience was published . Written by Michael Eddowes , it was the first important book on the case , and generated a renewed interest . Four influential editors , Ian Gilmour of The Spectator , John Grigg of The National and English Review , Sir Lynton Andrews of The Yorkshire Post , and David Astor of The Observer petitioned the Home secretary for a new inquiry . It was denied . Kennedy also stressed the evidence given by Dr . Teare that there were signs of sexual penetration of Beryl 's body , suggesting the murderer was sexually aroused by the act of killing , and possibly a necrophiliac . This evidence was suppressed by Evans 's own defense . Had this come up in court , it would have removed some suspicion from Evans who may have been short tempered and violent , but was certainly not a necrophiliac , and would not have had sex with his wife 's body . By now , Britain had a new Home Secretary , R . A . Butler . The campaigners , including Labour MP Sir Frank Soskice , asked for a new inquiry , and Butler said that he would examine the evidence that was presented in the book . Just over seven weeks later , Butler made his decision . No inquiry . With the Governments reversed , Labour , after years of vociferous campaigning for the inquiry , took on the former Governments position and was now refusing it . The Conservative 's , in their turn , took up Labour 's former stance , and were now pushing for an inquiry . " I do not think that an inquiry would serve any useful purpose at this stage . I think it would be kinder not to express views one way or the other . " said Soskice . Herbert Wolfe was a German refugee living in Darlington , who had arrived in Britain in 1933 to escape what was happening in his own country . To him , the concept of British justice was precious and something that should not be taken for granted . He had read Kennedy 's book and , convinced of the innocence of Timothy Evans , wrote an article that he sent to the editor of his local paper , The Northern Echo . Darlington is far from London , and the local paper could hardly have any influence on the Government . But the editor happened to be Harold Evans , an exceptional journalist who would go on to become editor of The Sunday Times and is now editor at large for Reuters . He said , " After receiving Wolfe 's article , I got hold of Kennedy 's book . I read it on the train to London , and became so angry I wanted to pull the communication cord . I thought , this is an outrage ; something must be done about it . " Every day , for months , Evans published something about the case . He produced pamphlets , while Wolfe ceaselessly telephoned people about the case . On July 28 , 1965 , with Ludovic Kennedy as its chairman , the Timothy Evans committee was formed . With the press coverage that was generated , Evans pressed the Prime Minister Harold Wilson , who capitulated and promised that the Government would do something . The conclusion was bizarre . Christie , the report decided , did kill Geraldine Evans , but Timothy killed Beryl . Despite this astonishing conclusion , the report did agree that a jury could not have convicted Evans on any murder if all of the available evidence had been presented in court . Mary Westlake , Evans ' half - sister , and his sister Eileen Ashby , were awarded payment as compensation for their brothers ' miscarriage of justice , in January 2003 . Lord Brennan , the independent assessor for the Home Office , stated that " the conviction and execution of Timothy Evans for the murder of his child was wrongful and a miscarriage of justice . " He went on to add , " there is no evidence to implicate Timothy Evans in the murder of his wife . She was most probably murdered by Christie . " Brennan believed that Brabin 's conclusion that Evans murdered Beryl should be rejected . The following year , on November 16 , Mary Westlake appealed to the High Court . She wanted them to overturn a decision made by the Criminal Cases Review Commission not to refer Evans 's case to the Court of Appeal . Her argument was that though he had been pardoned , it had not formally erased his conviction for murder . The Evans Case Helps Fire the Anti - Death Penalty Movement in Great Britain Although the case of Timothy Evans was a boost to those who were opposed to capital punishment , it wasn 't the only one to have an impact , and it wasn 't , as some have thought , one of the cases that started the abolition campaign . The truth is that the abolition question had been around for several decades . However there is no doubt that the Evans case was of major importance for those wishing to end the practice . Capital punishment was suspended as a five year experiment , and became permanent in 1969 . But this was only for murder . Until 1971 , the death penalty remained for causing a fire or explosion in a naval dockyard , and remained until 1981 for espionage . Piracy that included violence was still a hanging crime until 1998 , as was treason and various offenses within the military . AboutWith the purpose of writing about true crime in an authoritative , fact - based manner , veteran journalists J . J . Maloney and J . Patrick O ' Connor launched Crime Magazine in November of 1998 . Their goal was to cover all aspects of true crime : Read More

John Reginald Halliday Christie Serial Killer Reg Christie pinned one of his eight murders on the witless Timothy Evans before he was discovered to be the " Monster of 10 Rillington Place . " Evans 's execution by hanging - and his posthumous pardon - helped lead to the abolishment of the death penalty in Great Britain . by Mark Pulham When most people think of Notting Hill , there are a few things that first come to mind . One could be the Notting Hill carnival , a colorful event held every year by the West Indian community and , after Rio , the second largest street carnival in the world . Or it may be Portobello Road , home to the worlds largest Antiques Market , held every Saturday , and also the home to the Portobello Film Festival , where over 700 films have had their premiers . Rillington Place was a typical street in the area . Number 10 was a narrow , dreary , and depressing house at the end of a narrow , dreary , and depressing cul - de - sac . Built probably around 1869 , it was a grimy and cramped house that had been , like many others , split into three flats , one on each floor . At the beginning of 1948 , only two of the flats were occupied . In the ground floor flat lived the Christies , Reg and Ethel . Their flat consisted of a front living room , a back bedroom , and a kitchen , which included a pantry or cupboard . A passageway led from the front door of the house through to the back door , splitting the Christie 's kitchen from their other rooms . Outside , there was a small wash - house with a sink and a boiler , where the occupants could do small amounts of laundry . Also outside was the only lavatory , which everyone had to use . Access to both of these was through the passageway that separated the Christie 's kitchen from the rest of their flat . Even before he was born , he had lost someone . His father , Daniel , had walked out on his pregnant wife Thomasina and their daughter , 3 - year - old Eileen . Nothing was heard from Daniel again . Young Timothy had problems as a child . He would have unmanageable tantrums and had trouble learning to speak . He also had a low IQ and had great difficulty learning anything at school . To make matters worse , at the age of 8 , he suffered an injury to his right foot and he developed a tubular plantar wart . It never healed completely , and much of his time was spent at the hospital , which only added to his lack of education . Timothy 's older sister , Eileen , had found a place for them . It wasn 't too far away , just around the corner in Rillington Place . The young couple moved into number 10 . On October 10 , 1948 , at Queen Charlotte 's Maternity Hospital , Beryl gave birth to a baby daughter who they named Geraldine . Her arrival could not have helped . There was now less space in the small two roomed flat , and Timothy 's wages were barely enough to cover the two of them , let alone a baby as well . He told them that he had disposed of his wife . Her body had been put down a drain outside his home in London . The police took him to Merthyr Tydfil police station where Detective Sergeant Gough and Detective Constable Evans took a statement . According to Timothy , it had all been an accident . Beryl was anxious to have the second pregnancy terminated , but abortion was illegal in Britain at that time . Timothy told the police that he met a man in the pub who told him he had something that would do the trick . If Beryl took it , it would cause an abortion . The man gave him a bottle which contained some mixture for Beryl to drink . It took three of them to lift the manhole cover , a sign in itself that Evans was lying , there was no way a man of his short stature could have lifted the cover alone . They looked down the drain and could see that there was no body down there . In any case , the drain was too narrow for a body to fit . Evans had to be lying . The police at Merthyr Tydfil were informed that nothing was found , and they told Timothy . He was then questioned again . Timothy changed his story , saying he may as well tell them the truth . He now told them that Beryl had died when their ground floor neighbor , Reg Christie , had tried to give her an abortion . Reg said that the last time he saw Beryl Evans was on Tuesday , November 8 . It was around midday and he saw her go out with Geraldine . He said that she looked scared about something . That same night , around midnight , he and Ethel were woken up by noises coming from upstairs , thumping sounds , as if someone was moving stuff around . It couldn 't have been Mr . Kitchener , Reg explained , as he was in the hospital . It had to have come from Evans 's flat . As the noise didn 't last for very long , they thought no more about it , and both went back to sleep . The following day , Evans came down to see the Christies . He explained to them that he was upset with his boss at work and had quit his van driver job . According to Christie , he was going to move to Bristol to be with Beryl , and so he had decided to sell all of his furniture . Evans had also been around to see his mother , and to her , he told a different story . He told her that Beryl had gone , not to Bristol , but to Brighton , to see her father . This seemed odd to Timothy 's mother . She knew that Beryl and her father did not get along . Why would she go there ? The Notting Hill Police , their suspicions aroused , did a quick search of the house and the garden , but nothing much was found . The only thing of significance was a newspaper clipping found in the Evans 's flat . The clipping was about the recent Stanley Setty murder case . The month before , Setty 's neatly wrapped torso had been discovered in some marshes in Essex . Had Timothy Evans done the same with his wife ? A briefcase was also found in the Evans flat , and it turned out to be stolen . Informed of the briefcase , the Merthyr Tydfil police charged Evans with theft and he was to be returned to London . The theft charge allowed the police to hold him while the search for Beryl continued . On December 2 , the police returned to number 10 , and the search this time produced grisly results . They tried to get into the tiny wash - house at the back of the building , but the door had become stuck . Ethel found a piece of metal that could be used to pry the door open and gave it to the police . They forced the door open and looked inside . It was dark in the wash - house , but they could see that there was some wood stacked up against the sink . One of the officers felt behind the wood and could feel some sort of package . The wood was removed and they found what appeared to be a large parcel wrapped up in a green tablecloth . They turned to Ethel and asked her what it may be , and she told them she had never seen it before . The police pulled the package out and untied the cord that was holding the package together . No sooner was the package loosened when out slipped a pair of feet . Unwrapped , the package revealed the moldering corpse of Beryl Evans . She had been beaten and strangled . The bodies were taken to Kensington Mortuary where the Home Office pathologist conducted the post mortems . Bruising over the right eye and on the lip showed that Beryl had been hit , probably more than once , and then she had been strangled with cord or rope . There was no evidence that any attempt at an abortion had taken place , though there was some bruising inside the vagina , indicating there may have been an attempt at sex . Timothy Evans was returned to London . He believed he was going to be questioned about the stolen briefcase that had been found in his flat . However , when he arrived at the train station accompanied by police officers , there were photographers waiting to take pictures of him . It was clear to Evans that this was not about the briefcase . She was incurring one debt after another and I could not stand it any longer , so I strangled her with a piece of rope and took her down to the flat below the same night whilst the old man [ Mr . Kitchener ] was in hospital . I waited until the Christies downstairs had gone to bed , then I took her to the wash - house after midnight . This was on Tuesday 8 November . On Thursday evening after I came home from work I strangled my baby in our bedroom with my tie and later that night I took her down into the wash - house after the Christies had gone to bed . Later , Timothy Evans would make a longer confession that , according to the police , took 75 minutes to write and read back to him . This confession goes into greater detail about the murders . He told of how he got angry and how he hit Beryl , and then , in an uncontrollable fit of temper , he strangled her . He told of how he got her body downstairs and into the wash - house and used the wood to cover her body before locking the door . The trial of Timothy Evans began on January 11 , 1950 at the Old Bailey . Unlike the present day , in the 1950 's you could only be tried for one murder at a time . Mr . Christmas Humphries was the prosecutor , and he wanted to avoid the defense motive of provocation that the defense would surely put forth if the trial was for the murder of Beryl Evans . With Geraldine , there could be no such motive , and so , although the murder of Beryl would be included in the testimony , the trial was for the murder of his 13 - month old - daughter . The prosecution 's case was simple . Evans and Beryl were in a difficult relationship . Their marriage was under a great deal of strain , with little money coming in , a baby to feed and clothe , and now , a second baby on the way . Dr . Teare gave his evidence , and Christie was also called by the prosecution . With Christie , Morris thought he saw a way to help with the defense . He had discovered that Christie had some past criminal convictions and hoped that would at least discredit him as a witness . It didn 't work . It did the opposite . Christie , for all his past faults , had not been in any trouble for the past 17 years . The jury was impressed by this man and the fact that he had turned his life around to become a model citizen . Reg Christie was a war hero , having been gassed during the First World War , which had left him with his soft voice . He had also been a War reserve policeman during World War Two . But the evidence was all against him . Evans had described the murders in precise and accurate detail , because , the prosecution pointed out , he was the one who committed the murders . Only the killer would know the details so clearly . Morris pointed to the second confession given by Evans in which he implicated Christie . Morris hoped that it would confuse the issue and raise a reasonable doubt . But it was useless . Evans was a known liar , he was a known drunk , he was known to be violent , and he was known to have a short temper . He 'd admitted to the murders in more than one statement . The jury filed out of the courtroom for its deliberations , but was back within 40 minutes . The verdict , reached swiftly , was a foregone conclusion . Timothy John Evans was found guilty on the charge of murdering his 13 - month - old daughter . The sentence was death by hanging . Christie , still in the courtroom , burst into a flood of tears . Other news quickly replaced that rapidly dwindling interest in the killings . That same year , in July , Sainsbury 's opened the first purpose built supermarket , and in August , Princess Elizabeth gave birth to her second child , Princess Anne . In November , George Bernard Shaw died at the age of 94 . In addition to the top flat now being empty after the murders , the second floor flat was also vacant as Charles Kitchener had also moved out . Ethel Christie also wanted to move away , the new tenants scared her , and Reg had gone into a depression after the trial . Reg had also lost his job , thanks to some of the disclosures about his convictions that were revealed at the trial . By the end of 1952 , Reg was living alone . Reg had found a new job up in Sheffield , and Ethel had already left , having relatives there . Reg would join her later . Reg was desperate to move out and sold all of his furniture . He stayed in the unfurnished flat well into March 1953 , when he met a woman named Reilly . She told Christie that she was looking for a flat to rent , and Christie said that she could have his . She came round with her husband and had a look at the flat . They thought it would suit them , and Christie took three months rent in advance off them . Christie then borrowed a suitcase from them , put the last of his things in it , and left on March 20 , 1953 . The Reilly 's didn 't get much of a chance to settle in . The next day , the landlord came around and was surprised to find them there . He was angry ; Christie had no right to rent the place out as it wasn 't his . Beresford liked music while he worked , and so the first thing he wanted to do was put up a shelf so he had somewhere to put his radio . He began to tap on the walls to find a suitable spot , and one part of the wall sounded hollow . There had to be some sort of space behind the wall . At the edge , some of the wallpaper was coming away and he pulled on that . He found the door that led to the pantry or cupboard . He managed to get the door partly open , and then he grabbed his flashlight and looked through the crack in the door . What he saw made him reel back in horror . The beam from his flashlight had revealed a woman sitting there , her back toward him . She was semi - naked and obviously dead . Beresford called the police . Several officers arrived and the door to the pantry was opened . The woman sat with her back toward them , leaning forward . The police took her out and moved her to the front room for examination . She was wearing only a bra , a garter belt , and stockings . Her wrists had been bound together by a handkerchief tied in a reef knot , and some clothing had been wedged between her legs to act as a diaper to absorb seepage from her vagina and rectum . There was another object in the cupboard , wrapped in a blanket . The police removed it , and found that it was the body of a second woman . In the cupboard , she had been placed upside down on her head and leaned against the wall . The police were not finished yet . They removed a third body , like the second placed upside down in the cupboard . This victim had her ankles bound , this time with electrical cord , and once again , a reef knot was used . Also tied with a reef knot was the cloth used to cover her head . If the police felt relieved and thought that it was now over , that relief was short lived . Noticing that the floorboards in the living room were loose , the police took them up . There was some loose rubble underneath and , after a short dig , they found the remains of a fourth woman . Back at the mortuary , the post mortems began . The first body to be found was that of a brunette in her early to mid twenties . She had been dead for around four weeks , killed by a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and strangulation . It was determined that she had been suffering from the effects of the carbon monoxide gas when she was strangled with a smooth surfaced cord . There were scratch marks along her back which indicated that she had been dragged along the floor after she was dead . There were also indications that sexual intercourse had also taken place . The next body was also in her mid - twenties with light brown hair . She seemed to have been in good health when she died . She had a pinkish color to her , which indicated that she too had been poisoned with carbon monoxide gas . Like the first , she had also been strangled . She showed signs of heavy drinking on the day that she had died , and she had also had sexual intercourse , either just before or just after she had died . She was wearing a cardigan and a vest , and another vest had been placed between her legs to act as a diaper . She had been dead somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks . The third body , this time a blonde , was , like the first two , in her mid - twenties . Once more , the pinkness of the corpse indicated that she had been gassed before strangulation had taken place . This victim wore a dress , a petticoat , two vests , a bra , and a cardigan . Once more , there was a piece of cloth between the legs to act as a diaper . This victim was also six months pregnant . Once again , sexual intercourse seemed to have occurred either just before or just after death . When the fourth body arrived the next morning , it was clear that there was a significant difference between this one and the first three . First of all , she was older , somewhere in her mid fifties , a plump woman , with missing teeth . A flowered dress and a silk nightgown were wrapped around the body , and then wrapped once more in a flannel blanket . Her head had been covered by a pillowcase . It did not take long to identify the victims . The three younger victims turned out to be prostitutes that Christie had invited back to the flat . They were Rita Nelson , aged 25 , Kathleen Maloney , aged 26 , and Hectorina McLennan , also aged 26 . The older woman who was found under the floor was Ethel Christie . The search of Number 10 continued the next day . Among the things found was an old tobacco tin which , when opened , was found to contain four tufts of pubic hair . None of the pubic hair matched the victims . In the garden , more searchers discovered a human femur , in plain view , propping up the sagging back fence . More bones were discovered , along with some hair and some parts of a dress . By the time the search was completed , they had two more victims , though one of them was missing a head . Both were female . It wasn 't long before both of the victims were identified . Ruth Fuerst was 21 years old when she disappeared . A tall girl at five - foot - eight , she had left Austria in 1939 to come to London . She went missing on August 24 , 1943 . Muriel Eady worked at Ultra Radio Works in 1944 . One day , the 32 year old met a fellow worker in the canteen . His name was Reg Christie . She vanished in October of that year . She was last seen wearing a black wool dress , just like the scraps of a dress that was found in the garden . Some hair that was found also matched Muriel 's . Six bodies were found in total , and now the hunt was on for Christie . John Reginald Halliday Christie was born on April 8 , 1899 , in an isolated house known as " Black Boy " in Turner Lane , Shibden , a small village a few miles east of Halifax , Yorkshire . According to Christie himself , he had a very rosy childhood . He enjoyed school , was excellent at math , and was good at games , especially soccer . He loved animals , a love that lasted all of his life , and at one point , he was an assistant Scout master and a member of the local choir . Christie 's father , Ernest John Christie , was feared in his home . He was a severe and tyrannical man whose temper would explode on the slightest annoyance . Reg was scared of his father and his grandfather . At the age of 8 , Reg experienced death for the first time , when his hated grandfather died . The body was laid out in the house for visitors to come and pay their respects and , like the rest of the family , Reg viewed the body . It must have been a revelation to Reg , that this man , who scared him so badly while he was alive , now didn 't scare him at all in death . It is likely that this is the moment when Reg saw that the dead cannot hurt you , and this lasted into his adult life . Soon after , Reg began playing in the local cemetery where he liked to look at the graves . In June , 1918 , Christie was caught in a mustard gas attack , and spent a month in hospital . According to Christie , he was blinded by the gas for three months and unable to talk for three and a half years because of the attack . There is no evidence of his blindness , and although he may have been unable to speak for a short while , it was more likely due to a psychological reason , and not a physical one . Even so , it could not have been for the length of time that he claimed as just seven weeks later he was declared fit enough for active duty . During his time in the army , Christie became a frequent customer of prostitutes . He discovered that as he didn 't have to please them or prove his manhood , he was able to perform normally . However , they had to be compliant and unresponsive for him to achieve erection and penetration . After he left the army , he met Ethel Simpson Waddington , a very passive girl , which suited Christie . On May 10 , 1920 , they married at Halifax Registry Office . But Christie 's sexual problems remained , and during their courtship , they never had sex at all . Christie , instead , continued to use the services of prostitutes for his sexual needs . In January , 1923 , he found himself in trouble again . This time , he was convicted of obtaining money by false pretences and violent conduct . For this , he received a sentence of 12 months probation . The following year , 1924 , he got nine months hard labor for stealing goods and money . By this time , Ethel was fed up with her husbands petty stealing and inability to hold down a job . She left him and moved in with relatives . Christie moved down to London . By 1929 , Christie was living in Battersea , South London , with a prostitute , and once more , Christie found himself in trouble . In what was described by the judge as a " murderous attack , " Christie had clubbed the prostitute across the head with a cricket bat . Yet , despite the severity of the attack , Christie was only sentenced to six months hard labor . While in prison , Christie got in touch with Ethel and asked if she would visit him . Ethel was lonely , and dismissing the past , came to see him . After Christie was released from prison , Ethel and Christie decided to put the past behind them and reconcile . They moved back in together . In 1934 , Christie was hit by a car while he was out cycling . Taken to hospital , he had to have an operation on his knee . Once again , playing for sympathy , he exaggerated his injuries , stating that he was unconscious for more than an hour , a fact that is not mentioned in hospital records . Christie , for the first time in his life , was in a position of power , and he used it . His neighbors began to dislike this man who abused his position and acted like a bully . He even got himself a new nickname , " The Himmler of Rillington Place . " While he was at Harrow Road , Christie met a married woman whose husband was fighting overseas , and he began to see her in secret , although whether there was a sexual relationship is unknown . The relationship lasted until the middle of 1943 , when the husband returned home unexpectedly and caught them together . Christie took a beating from the husband , and this may have been the trigger that started the murders . In 1943 , most likely after his beating , Christie , still a War Reserve policeman , visited a snack bar in Ladbroke Grove . He was there , supposedly , on police business , though he was actually off duty at the time . While there , he caught the eye of a 21 - year - old Austrian girl named Ruth Fuerst , who worked at a munitions factory and lived not far from Rillington Place . There is some suggestion , likely correct , that Ruth supplemented her income by working as a prostitute part time . Christie struck up a conversation with her , and a relationship began . Soon , they were meeting regularly , and one day in August , Christie took Ruth back to 10 Rillington Place . Ethel was away visiting relatives in Sheffield and Christie had the flat to himself . According to Christie , he and Ruth were in the bedroom at 10 Rillington Place when suddenly , " She undressed and wanted me to have intercourse with her . I got a telegram while she was there , saying that my wife was on her way home . The girl wanted us to team up together and go right away somewhere together . I would not do that . I got on the bed and had intercourse with her . I strangled her with a piece of rope . " The next day , Ethel 's brother left , and Ethel went off to work , leaving Christie to carry on with the disposal of his first victim . After removing the floorboards , he dragged Ruth out to the wash - house in the back and hid the body there . Then he began to dig a grave for her in the garden . Before he had finished , Ethel came home , and they had a cup of tea together . That night , after Ethel had gone to bed , Christie stayed up and carried on with his grisly task . When the hole was deep enough , he went to the wash - house and dragged the body of Ruth Fuerst over to the grave and dropped her in , along with her clothes . He then filled the hole and went to bed . Christie would later admit that he felt a powerful thrill as he looked down at his first victim . The next day , Christie raked over the area where he had buried the body , and accidentally pulled up some of the clothing . This he put in an old dustbin that was used for burning rubbish . Some months later , Christie accidentally dug up Ruth 's skull . This went into the dustbin as well , where it would eventually be discovered during the police search . Muriel suffered from bronchial catarrh and had told Christie about it . Christie had always liked to give the impression he had some medical knowledge , a claim supported by the " medical " books that he owned , which were really nothing more than books he had picked up as a first aid worker . Some even believed that he was a doctor who had been struck off for some reason . Christie told Muriel that he could help with her problem , and he invited her around the Rillington Place for some treatment . It was October , 1944 , and Ethel was , once again , away visiting relatives in Sheffield , leaving Christie home alone . It was the opportunity he had been waiting for . He invited Muriel around and made her a cup of tea , and then showed her the device that he would use to cure her of her problems with catarrh . It was a fairly simple device . A square jar with a metal lid held the special inhalant that smelled of Friar 's Balsam . The lid had two holes in it , and through these holes were two tubes . One of the tubes went down into the liquid while the other end trailed off around the back of the deck chair that she was to sit in . The other tube did not go into the liquid , and the other end was attached to a home made mask that the user would breathe through . As Muriel breathed deeply , Christie reached behind the chair . The other end of the tubing that went into the liquid was attached to the coal gas pipe . Christie released the gas , and Muriel , unable to smell the poisonous carbon monoxide gas because of the Friar 's Balsam , quickly went limp as consciousness faded away . The sexually aroused Christie began to strangle Muriel as he penetrated her body . Soon he was finished , and Muriel was dead . Christie had cured her catarrh , and any other ailment she may have been suffering from . Once again , he dragged the body out to the wash - house where it remained while he dug another grave in the garden . Muriel was buried not too far from where Ruth Fuerst lay . When , some time later , Christie managed to dig up her femur by accident , he just used it to prop up the sagging fence . It is probable that Christie felt a desire for Beryl Evans right from the beginning , he just had to bide his time . Timothy Evans was impressed with his soft spoken neighbor , who was obviously educated beyond Evans 's capabilities , especially as he had medical knowledge , or so he hinted . Christie showed Timothy his " medical " books , and Evans would believe anything Christie said . Christie had to have realized that here was a man who could be manipulated and easily tricked . And when the time came , Christie struck . With a second baby on the way , Beryl wanted to have an abortion , and who better to turn to than their neighbor , a respectable former policeman with medical expertise . He would surely help . But when Timothy Evans found out about Beryl 's plan to get rid of the baby , he wanted no part of it , and he told Christie that they were not interested in getting an abortion . Christie , seeing an opportunity slip away , tried to persuade him that everything would be okay , but Timothy still refused . But Beryl was still insistent , and would go through with it . A short while later , Timothy discovered that money he had been giving to Beryl for housekeeping had been spent on other things , and a serious argument broke out . Timothy threatened to leave , and Beryl told him to go . Instead , he went to the movies . There were workmen in the house the next day . They had been coming since the end of October , working on the wash - house and the roof , and ripping out walls and floors where Christie felt there was a problem . Kitchener was away in the hospital , and apart from the workmen , Christie and Beryl were alone in the house . According to Christie , he came upstairs to Beryl sometime around midday . She had made preparations by spreading out a quilt in front of the fire . When Christie came in , Beryl lay down upon it . Christie is then unclear about what happened next . In one account , Beryl went into a panic and Christie started to hit her . He then pulled out a cord and strangled her . In one of his accounts he says that he tried to have intercourse with her , but he couldn 't , and in another account , he states that he did have intercourse with her . He also stated that a short while before , Beryl had tried to kill herself with gas , and he had found her lying on the floor in front of the fire with the gas on . He opened the door and the windows to get rid of the gas , then made her a cup of tea and comforted her . According to Christie , the next day she asked him to help her commit suicide , and " she said she would do anything … I think she was referring to letting me be intimate with her . " Once again , the death was not his fault , she wanted to die . All he did was help her . " I turned the gas tap on and as near as I can make out I held it close to her face . When she became unconscious I turned the tap off . I was going to try to have intercourse with her but it was impossible . I couldn 't bend over . I think that is when I strangled her . " Which of his accounts , if any , is the true one is not clear , though it is more likely that he attempted sex but couldn 't do it as he was suffering from back pains at the time , making some movement difficult . Joan Vincent was a friend of Beryl 's , and around this time , she paid a call on her . She was surprised to find that the door to Beryl 's flat was closed , something Beryl never did . Joan knocked on the door but there was no answer , which was also a surprise as Beryl was usually home at this time . Joan tried the door , which opened a little and then was blocked . Joan said later that although there was no sound , she was certain that there was someone on the other side of the door , blocking it from opening . If this is true , then Christie must have been in a panic , but managed to show coolness under pressure . When Timothy arrived home from work that evening , he found Christie waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs . He told Evans to go up , he would follow behind . When they reached the top floor , Christie told Timothy that it was bad news . The abortion procedure didn 't work , and Beryl had died . Christie led the distraught Timothy into the bedroom where , lying on the bed and covered with a blanket , was the body of his wife , Beryl . Timothy was distressed and vulnerable , and open to suggestion . Christie persuaded Timothy that going to the police would just cause trouble for the both of them . Would that be fair on Christie , as all he had done was try to help , and abortion was illegal . As for Timothy , the arguments and the violence would surely point the finger at him for the death of his wife . Christie 's persuasiveness worked , Timothy would agree to whatever Christie said . Christie told Timothy that he would dispose of the body . First , they would both move it down into Kitchener 's empty flat and put the body in the kitchen . Christie would need Timothy 's help with this as he was unable to lift her on his own because of his bad back . Christie then told Timothy that he would get rid of the body later by putting it down the drain outside . Evans would have to leave and so he agreed to stay with his mother . However , he would take Geraldine with him . Christie said this was a bad idea . It would cause too much suspicion . People would see him with Geraldine and begin to wonder where Beryl was . Christie said that he would think of something . Timothy stayed in the flat overnight , and by the next day , Christie had come up with a solution . Christie knew of a young couple who were childless and desperately wanted a baby . They would take Geraldine and Timothy would be assured that she was being looked after . Timothy was to let people know that Beryl had gone away with Geraldine for a holiday . Timothy prepared Geraldine 's things for her move to a new home , having been told by Christie that the couple would be arriving sometime that day to collect her . Joan Vincent returned later that day and she started up the stairs to see Beryl . Christie , seeing her , headed her off and asked what she wanted . When she said that she 'd come to visit Beryl , Christie told her that Beryl and Geraldine had gone away . However , Joan could see the baby furniture and the pram . Christie said it would be better if she did not come back . When the builders finished their work and had left the premises , Christie got both bodies downstairs and out to the back . Beryl and Geraldine , now neatly wrapped in blankets and tablecloths , were hidden in the wash - house and covered with the floorboards that had been left by the workmen . They stayed there until they were discovered by the police on December 2 . After the execution of Timothy Evans , things began to change at 10 Rillington Place . Christie , always a hypochondriac , had become worse . He felt that he was being persecuted , and his mental state caused him to be examined at the Springfield Mental Hospital for a short while , where he was found by Dr . Petit to be " an insignificant , old womanish city man . Girlish voice , mincing walk . Latent homosexual , though not overt . " By 1952 , Christie had quit his job and was now home all the time , and Ethel was not visiting her relatives in Sheffield as much as she did in the past . Christie was frustrated . He wanted to kill again , he had not murdered anyone since Beryl over three years before , and there was an obstacle in his way . Ethel . On the morning of December 14 , 1952 , Christie strangled Ethel as she lay in bed . According to Christie , " I was awakened at about 8 : 15 a . m . I think it was my wife moving about in bed . I sat up and saw that she appeared to be convulsive . Her face was blue and she was choking . I did what I could to try to restore her breathing , but it was hopeless . It appeared too late to call for assistance , that is when I couldn 't bear to see her , so I got a stocking and tied it around her neck to put her to sleep . " He added he had no idea what it was that were causing his wife to have convulsions , but as he got out of bed after her death , he " saw a small bottle and a cup half - full of water on a small table near the bed . I noticed that the bottle contained two pheno - barbitone tablets and it originally contained twenty - five . I knew then that she must have taken the remainder . " Ethel 's post mortem , however , showed no trace of pills in her stomach . He left her in bed for three days as he did not know what to do with her , but then remembered the loose floorboards in the living room , where Ruth Fuerst once spent the night . Christie also began sending out letters from Ethel to relatives that she had written but had not gotten around to mailing before she was killed . Christie changed the date on them to make it appear they were written later . In subsequent letters , he wrote them himself , explaining that Ethel 's rheumatism prevented her from writing and that she was dictating them to him . Christie had been unemployed since December 6 , and needed money . He sold Ethel 's wedding ring and her watch , and started to sell off the furniture . Each week , he went down to the Labour Exchange to collect unemployment benefits , and on January 26 , 1953 , he forged Ethel 's signature and went to the bank where he emptied her account . Sometime between January 2 and 19 , 1953 , Christie had a chance meeting with 25 - year - old Rita Nelson , a prostitute who was six months pregnant . It 's likely that she met Christie in a pub , and once again pretending to have medical knowledge , he persuaded Rita that he could abort the unwanted child . Rita came round to Rillington Place where , as he did with Muriel Eady , had Rita sit in a chair while he helped her put on the gas mask . Once unconscious , her fate was the same as the previous victims , pulled to the floor and raped as he strangled her to death . Christie 's version is different . I lived in the flat and one evening I went up Ladbroke Grove to get some fish and chips for the animals . I had a dog and a cat . On the way back , in Ladbroke Grove , a drunken woman stood in front of me and demanded a pound for me to take her round the corner . I said . ' I am not interested and I haven 't got money to throw away . ' I 'm not like that . I haven 't had intercourse with any women for over two years , my doctor will tell you that . He is Doctor Odess , Colville Square . She then demanded 30 shillings and said she would scream and say I had interfered with her if I didn 't give it to her . I walked away as I am so well known around there and she would have obviously caused a scene . She came along , she wouldn 't go and she came right to the door still demanding 30 shillings . When I opened the door she forced her way in . I went to the kitchen and she was still on about this 30 shillings . I tried to get her out and she picked up a frying pan to hit me . I closed with her and there was a struggle and she fell back on the chair . It was a deck chair . There was a piece of rope hanging from the chair . I don 't know what happened but I must have gone haywire . The next thing I remember she was lying in the chair with the rope round her neck . I don 't remember taking it off . It couldn 't have been tied . I left her there and went into the front room . After that I believe I had a cup of tea and went to bed . A few days after the death of Rita Nelson , Christie went into a café in Notting Hill . The café was crowded and Christie had to share a table with two young women . The two women were talking about their search for a suitable flat for accommodation . Christie gave his account of the meeting . I went into a café in Notting Hill for a cup of tea and a sandwich . The café was pretty full ; there wasn 't much space . Two girls sat at a table and I sat opposite at the same table . They were talking about rooms , where they had been looking to get accommodation . Then one of them spoke to me . She asked me for a cigarette and then started a conversation . During the conversation , I mentioned about leaving my flat and that it would be vacant very soon , and they suggested coming down together to see it in the evening . Only one came down . The one that came down was 26 - year - old Kathleen Maloney , a part time prostitute and nude model . How he got her to sit in the chair while he gassed her is unknown , but as her post mortem showed that she had been drinking heavily , it is likely that she was drunk enough for Christie to handle her with some ease and get the mask over her face . Once again , Christie 's version is self serving . She looked over the flat . She said it would be suitable subject to the landlord 's permission . It was then that she made suggestions that she would visit me for a few days . She said this so that I would use my influence with the landlord as a sort of payment of kind . I was rather annoyed and told her that it didn 't interest me . I think she started saying I was making accusations against her when she saw there was nothing doing . She said that she would bring someone down to me . I believe it was then that she mentioned something about Irish blood . She was in a violent temper . I remember she started fighting . I am very quiet and avoid fighting . I know there was something , it 's in the back of my mind . She was on the floor . I must have put her in the alcove straight away . Hectorina McLennan was Christie 's final victim . On March 3 , the 26 year old was leaving a café with her boyfriend , a man named Baker , when they bumped into Christie . As Baker crossed over the road to chat with a friend , Christie struck up a conversation with Hectorina . During the conversation , she told Christie that she and Baker had just been evicted from their flat and were looking for somewhere else to stay . Christie , no doubt seeing an opportunity , offered them both accommodations at his home for a few days until they could find somewhere more suitable . The girl came back alone . She asked if he had called and I said ' No ' , but I was expecting him . She said she would wait , but I told her she couldn 't and that he may be looking for her , and that she must go and that she couldn 't stay there alone . She was very funny about it . I got hold of her arm and tried to lead her out . I pushed her out of the kitchen . She started struggling like anything and some of her clothing got torn . She then sort of fell limp as I got hold of her . She sank to the ground and I think that some of her clothing must have got caught around her neck in the struggle . She was just out of the kitchen in the passageway . I tried to lift her up but couldn 't . I then pulled her into the kitchen on to a chair . I felt her pulse , but it wasn 't beating . I pulled the cupboard away again and I must have put her in there . The Hunt for the Monster of Rillington Place Christie went to a Rowton House , a hostel for working men , in Kings Cross , where he paid for lodging for seven days , using his real name . But when the news of what had been discovered at Rillington Place hit the headlines , Christie left . For the rest of the time , he wandered around London , sleeping rough and spending most of his time in cafés and movie theatres . Norman Rae was the chief crime reporter for the News Of The World newspaper , and he remembered the Evans case very well , having covered it for the newspaper three years earlier . As with all of the newspapers , the News Of The World was considering the Evans 's side of the story , and Rae was about to become personally involved . It was late at night on March 29 when Rae 's telephone rang at the News Of The World office . Rae picked it up . On the other end , a whispery voice asked Rae if he remembered him . Rae remembered him very well ; he had interviewed Christie three years earlier when he covered the Evans killings . Christie wanted to give Rae an exclusive , and offered to meet a few hours later outside Wood Green Town Hall . Rae said that he would be there . Rae , along with a driver , got over to Wood Green and waited in the darkened car for Christie to show . Soon , there was movement , and Christie appeared in the shadows . On the last day of March , Christie was on the bank of the Thames at Putney Embankment , leaning over the railing and looking at the river . A police constable named Thomas Ledger walked past and thought the man looked suspicious . Ledger stopped and asked the man his name . " John Waddington " replied the man , and said he was 35 years old and was waiting to get his unemployment cards . Ledger asked the man to remove his hat . Once Ledger got a good look at him , with his bald head and his whispering voice , he knew who stood in front of him . Ledger arrested him and took him to Putney Police Station in a police van that happened to be passing at the right moment . Realizing that the pretense would do no good , " John Waddington " gave his real name . John Reginald Halliday Christie , the monster of Rillington Place , had been captured . Over the following few months , Christie would confess to his crimes on three separate occasions . His confessions , though essentially true in that he was the murderer , were designed to show him in the best light , and his explanations as to how and why the killings took place were self serving . Facts were altered , some details were exaggerated , and some details were conveniently forgotten . He gave an account of his life to the Sunday Pictorial newspaper in which he claimed that a powerful and mysterious force that he couldn 't control made him commit the murders . He tried to present himself as someone who was forced to kill his victims by the victims themselves . Ruth asked for it by stripping off and demanding sex . Beryl wanted to commit suicide , all he did was help . His last three victims were violent and the deaths were self defense . Even Ethel 's death was a mercy killing . The truth was that Ethel was in the way , and Christie wanted to pursue his murderous hobby . It also may have been that Ethel had put two and two together , and was beginning to suspect that he may have had a hand in the death of Beryl Evans . Muriel Eady was the only one of his victims that he didn 't blame for her own death . And he never admitted , not officially anyway , that he was responsible for the death of Geraldine Evans . But he couldn 't , not if his defense plan was going to work . With all of his victims , it was their own fault , or , in the case of Ethel , it was a mercy killing . The prostitutes provoked him with their overt sexual attempts or their violent attacks on him , and Beryl wanted to die anyway . None of these excuses could be placed on a 13 - month - old little girl . The truth was that Geraldine was murdered simply to get rid of a problem . If Beryl and Geraldine disappeared , then it could be assumed that they had just left , with Beryl fed up with Timothy and taking the baby with her . If Timothy and Geraldine were together , then people would start asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Beryl , and the truth could come out . The trail could have led back to Christie . So Geraldine had to go . The facts as stated by the prosecution showed a man who was devious , who tried to conceal the murder of his wife by hiding the body underneath the floorboards , who tried to convince others through forged letters that she was still alive . This was a man who had forged his wife 's signature in order to obtain the contents of her bank account by deceit , and then forged her signature to a receipt to say that she had received it . This man had told people that she was with her relatives in Sheffield , and he had told the person to whom he sold the furniture that she had gone away and that he was joining her later . The defense chose to bring into evidence the other killings , which may prove that he was insane . The defense maintained that although Christie knew what he was doing , he did not know that it was wrong . Christie was called on to testify , and throughout his story , he would mumble , or refuse to speak , and answered many of the questions with , " I don 't know " or " I cannot remember . " The prosecution called its psychiatrist for the rebuttal . In his opinion , Christie knew that what he was doing was wrong , he just didn 't care . A second psychiatrist told the court that the " falsification of memory " in which he cannot remember specific details of the murders , which the defense put forth as further proof of insanity , were merely Christie 's attempts to deliberately hide the truth . His lapses of memory were only apparent when it was convenient for him not to remember something that was damning , but his memory appeared to be perfectly sound when he was remembering anything that was of benefit to his defense . The defense had a weak case . It tried to convince the jury that the murder of Ethel Christie was completely motiveless , and only a madman would kill for no reason . Yet a reason had come up . The motive for the murder of Ethel Christie was a by - product of lust . Christie needed Ethel out of the way to continue his lustful killings of the other women . On July 15 , just 20 days after the judge read the sentence , Christie faced the noose at Pentonville Prison , the same noose that Timothy Evans faced just over three years before . With his arms bound , Christie complained that his nose was itchy . The hangman , Albert Pierrepoint reassured Christie , " It won 't bother you for long . " Did Christie kill more than eight people ? It seems likely that these were not his only victims . As a wartime policeman , there would be many opportunities to kill and get rid of the body in a bombed building . The four clumps of pubic hair that didn 't belong to any known victims would point to there being others . And the gaps between killings are long , which is also unusual . But these are questions that can never be answered . For the residents of Rillington Place , life became a nightmare . Sightseers flocked to see the infamous house , crowding the already narrow cul - de - sac . Mrs . Sarah McFadden , the resident at number 3 , organized a petition , which was signed by 83 residents , asking for a change to the street name . It was presented to the council on May 19 , 1953 . Although the council felt that the name change would make no difference to the sightseers , the name was finally changed in May the following year , to Ruston Close . As the council suspected , it didn 't stop the sightseers . But there was a problem , the police had not done their job . The fact was the police investigation into the deaths of Beryl and Geraldine was a mess . When Evans told the police in Wales that he had disposed of his wife , they were certain that he was responsible . The fact that it took three men to lift the cover on the drain showed that Evans was a liar . The police , believing that they had their man , were determined that he should not escape justice . Evans , after being told that his wife 's body was not where he told them it would be , told them that Christie did it . The police decided that this was just to shift the blame . They may have been right , but they should still have checked Christie 's background , just to be on the safe side . If they had , Christie past convictions , including one for the " murderous attack " on a woman , would have come to light , and Christie would not have been regarded as the decent and upstanding citizen that he pretended to be . But beyond that , there were other aspects of the " investigation " that were , at best , criminally negligent . While searching for Beryl 's body in the garden , the police failed to notice a human thigh bone propping up the sagging fence , even though the garden was , supposedly , examined . Some other bones were visible , thanks to Christie 's dog having dug them up . Shortly after the police search , the dog pulled up the skull of Muriel Eady . Christie slipped it under his coat and walked past the policemen waiting outside the house and threw it into a bombed out house in St . Mark 's Road , where it was discovered shortly after . It was handed in to the police , who decided it was a bomb victim . Why did they not question the fact that the house had been bombed eight or nine years before , but the skull only discovered now ? Why did they not consider it to be too much of a coincidence that they find a skull at the same time as they are looking for a body just around the corner ? It defied explanation . The discovery of the clipping concerning the Stanley Setty murder told the police that Evans was going to get rid of the bodies in the same manner . Why would he have a clipping otherwise . The problem was , why would he have a clipping at all , he couldn 't read , it would have been indecipherable to him . But Christie was known to be an avid clipper . The bodies of Beryl and Geraldine were found in the wash - house on December 2 , and had been dead for three weeks . That , according to the police thinking , is where Evans left them . But the workmen who had been doing work there since October had been using the wash - house to store their tools , and the bodies were certainly not there during that time . The workmen had only finished using the wash - house the day before the bodies were discovered . The workmen also stated that the wood that was used to cover the bodies was from floorboards that had been taken up after Evans had left , and the wood had been given to Christie . With this evidence , the guilt of Timothy Evans should have been , at the very least , questioned . He couldn 't have moved the bodies to the wash - house the day before ; he was already in police custody . But the confessions were proof that Evans committed the murders . They were very detailed and accurate , he knew where the bodies were , he knew how they had been killed , and he knew what they were wearing . How could he know so much detail if he was not the killer . The fact was that all of these details were already known to the police , and the police coached Evans in what to say during the confession . Evans was fearful of the police , there had been hints of violence if he didn 't come clean , and with this threat over him Evans was scared that he would be hurt . As they fed him the details of the murders , he agreed that it was so , and after a long night of interrogation ( and not the 75 minutes that the police stated it took ) , Evans had confessed to a murder that he didn 't commit in details that should have been known only to the killer . But the workmen who were at 10 Rillington Place were never called . In addition , the police re - interviewed the workmen , and managed to get some of them at least to change their story to fit in with the theory that Evans killed his family . According to one source , they even produced a photograph of a dead baby ( not connected to the case ) to manipulate the workers emotionally . In his summing up , the judge presented the jury with two options . Either Dr . Teare , the pathologist was lying about the post mortem results , or Evans was lying . He pointed out that Evans had a reputation and a record as a habitual liar , and pointed out the luminous reputation of Christie . The newspaper cutting about the Setty murder was referred to in the inquiry , showing that Evans probably planned to dispose of the bodies in the same manner . The fact that Evans was illiterate and couldn 't read , and that Christie was known to be an avid newspaper clipper , was also dismissed . Other evidence that would have pointed to Evans being innocent of the charge was also ignored . In Parliament , the report was viciously attacked . Geoffrey Bing , QC , the MP for Hornchurch delivered what , at the time , was called by Michael Foot , " one of the most formidable which has been delivered in this house for many years . " Bing stated , " The whole of the report was shot through with prejudice and evidence of all sorts of irregularities . " Michael Foot said it was not worth the paper it had been written on , and Reginald Paget said that it deliberately concealed the truth and was dishonest . One man stood up and gave his support to a growing campaign for justice for Timothy Evans . He was James Chuter Ede , later Baron Chuter - Ede , who in 1950 was the Home Secretary at the time of Evans ' execution . He concluded that a terrible mistake had been made . In 1955 , The Man on Your Conscience was published . Written by Michael Eddowes , it was the first important book on the case , and generated a renewed interest . Four influential editors , Ian Gilmour of The Spectator , John Grigg of The National and English Review , Sir Lynton Andrews of The Yorkshire Post , and David Astor of The Observer petitioned the Home secretary for a new inquiry . It was denied . Kennedy also stressed the evidence given by Dr . Teare that there were signs of sexual penetration of Beryl 's body , suggesting the murderer was sexually aroused by the act of killing , and possibly a necrophiliac . This evidence was suppressed by Evans 's own defense . Had this come up in court , it would have removed some suspicion from Evans who may have been short tempered and violent , but was certainly not a necrophiliac , and would not have had sex with his wife 's body . By now , Britain had a new Home Secretary , R . A . Butler . The campaigners , including Labour MP Sir Frank Soskice , asked for a new inquiry , and Butler said that he would examine the evidence that was presented in the book . Just over seven weeks later , Butler made his decision . No inquiry . With the Governments reversed , Labour , after years of vociferous campaigning for the inquiry , took on the former Governments position and was now refusing it . The Conservative 's , in their turn , took up Labour 's former stance , and were now pushing for an inquiry . " I do not think that an inquiry would serve any useful purpose at this stage . I think it would be kinder not to express views one way or the other . " said Soskice . Herbert Wolfe was a German refugee living in Darlington , who had arrived in Britain in 1933 to escape what was happening in his own country . To him , the concept of British justice was precious and something that should not be taken for granted . He had read Kennedy 's book and , convinced of the innocence of Timothy Evans , wrote an article that he sent to the editor of his local paper , The Northern Echo . Darlington is far from London , and the local paper could hardly have any influence on the Government . But the editor happened to be Harold Evans , an exceptional journalist who would go on to become editor of The Sunday Times and is now editor at large for Reuters . He said , " After receiving Wolfe 's article , I got hold of Kennedy 's book . I read it on the train to London , and became so angry I wanted to pull the communication cord . I thought , this is an outrage ; something must be done about it . " Every day , for months , Evans published something about the case . He produced pamphlets , while Wolfe ceaselessly telephoned people about the case . On July 28 , 1965 , with Ludovic Kennedy as its chairman , the Timothy Evans committee was formed . With the press coverage that was generated , Evans pressed the Prime Minister Harold Wilson , who capitulated and promised that the Government would do something . The conclusion was bizarre . Christie , the report decided , did kill Geraldine Evans , but Timothy killed Beryl . Despite this astonishing conclusion , the report did agree that a jury could not have convicted Evans on any murder if all of the available evidence had been presented in court . Mary Westlake , Evans ' half - sister , and his sister Eileen Ashby , were awarded payment as compensation for their brothers ' miscarriage of justice , in January 2003 . Lord Brennan , the independent assessor for the Home Office , stated that " the conviction and execution of Timothy Evans for the murder of his child was wrongful and a miscarriage of justice . " He went on to add , " there is no evidence to implicate Timothy Evans in the murder of his wife . She was most probably murdered by Christie . " Brennan believed that Brabin 's conclusion that Evans murdered Beryl should be rejected . The following year , on November 16 , Mary Westlake appealed to the High Court . She wanted them to overturn a decision made by the Criminal Cases Review Commission not to refer Evans 's case to the Court of Appeal . Her argument was that though he had been pardoned , it had not formally erased his conviction for murder . The Evans Case Helps Fire the Anti - Death Penalty Movement in Great Britain Although the case of Timothy Evans was a boost to those who were opposed to capital punishment , it wasn 't the only one to have an impact , and it wasn 't , as some have thought , one of the cases that started the abolition campaign . The truth is that the abolition question had been around for several decades . However there is no doubt that the Evans case was of major importance for those wishing to end the practice . Capital punishment was suspended as a five year experiment , and became permanent in 1969 . But this was only for murder . Until 1971 , the death penalty remained for causing a fire or explosion in a naval dockyard , and remained until 1981 for espionage . Piracy that included violence was still a hanging crime until 1998 , as was treason and various offenses within the military . AboutWith the purpose of writing about true crime in an authoritative , fact - based manner , veteran journalists J . J . Maloney and J . Patrick O ' Connor launched Crime Magazine in November of 1998 . Their goal was to cover all aspects of true crime : Read More

John Reginald Halliday Christie Serial Killer Reg Christie pinned one of his eight murders on the witless Timothy Evans before he was discovered to be the " Monster of 10 Rillington Place . " Evans 's execution by hanging - and his posthumous pardon - helped lead to the abolishment of the death penalty in Great Britain . by Mark Pulham When most people think of Notting Hill , there are a few things that first come to mind . One could be the Notting Hill carnival , a colorful event held every year by the West Indian community and , after Rio , the second largest street carnival in the world . Or it may be Portobello Road , home to the worlds largest Antiques Market , held every Saturday , and also the home to the Portobello Film Festival , where over 700 films have had their premiers . Rillington Place was a typical street in the area . Number 10 was a narrow , dreary , and depressing house at the end of a narrow , dreary , and depressing cul - de - sac . Built probably around 1869 , it was a grimy and cramped house that had been , like many others , split into three flats , one on each floor . At the beginning of 1948 , only two of the flats were occupied . In the ground floor flat lived the Christies , Reg and Ethel . Their flat consisted of a front living room , a back bedroom , and a kitchen , which included a pantry or cupboard . A passageway led from the front door of the house through to the back door , splitting the Christie 's kitchen from their other rooms . Outside , there was a small wash - house with a sink and a boiler , where the occupants could do small amounts of laundry . Also outside was the only lavatory , which everyone had to use . Access to both of these was through the passageway that separated the Christie 's kitchen from the rest of their flat . Even before he was born , he had lost someone . His father , Daniel , had walked out on his pregnant wife Thomasina and their daughter , 3 - year - old Eileen . Nothing was heard from Daniel again . Young Timothy had problems as a child . He would have unmanageable tantrums and had trouble learning to speak . He also had a low IQ and had great difficulty learning anything at school . To make matters worse , at the age of 8 , he suffered an injury to his right foot and he developed a tubular plantar wart . It never healed completely , and much of his time was spent at the hospital , which only added to his lack of education . Timothy 's older sister , Eileen , had found a place for them . It wasn 't too far away , just around the corner in Rillington Place . The young couple moved into number 10 . On October 10 , 1948 , at Queen Charlotte 's Maternity Hospital , Beryl gave birth to a baby daughter who they named Geraldine . Her arrival could not have helped . There was now less space in the small two roomed flat , and Timothy 's wages were barely enough to cover the two of them , let alone a baby as well . He told them that he had disposed of his wife . Her body had been put down a drain outside his home in London . The police took him to Merthyr Tydfil police station where Detective Sergeant Gough and Detective Constable Evans took a statement . According to Timothy , it had all been an accident . Beryl was anxious to have the second pregnancy terminated , but abortion was illegal in Britain at that time . Timothy told the police that he met a man in the pub who told him he had something that would do the trick . If Beryl took it , it would cause an abortion . The man gave him a bottle which contained some mixture for Beryl to drink . It took three of them to lift the manhole cover , a sign in itself that Evans was lying , there was no way a man of his short stature could have lifted the cover alone . They looked down the drain and could see that there was no body down there . In any case , the drain was too narrow for a body to fit . Evans had to be lying . The police at Merthyr Tydfil were informed that nothing was found , and they told Timothy . He was then questioned again . Timothy changed his story , saying he may as well tell them the truth . He now told them that Beryl had died when their ground floor neighbor , Reg Christie , had tried to give her an abortion . Reg said that the last time he saw Beryl Evans was on Tuesday , November 8 . It was around midday and he saw her go out with Geraldine . He said that she looked scared about something . That same night , around midnight , he and Ethel were woken up by noises coming from upstairs , thumping sounds , as if someone was moving stuff around . It couldn 't have been Mr . Kitchener , Reg explained , as he was in the hospital . It had to have come from Evans 's flat . As the noise didn 't last for very long , they thought no more about it , and both went back to sleep . The following day , Evans came down to see the Christies . He explained to them that he was upset with his boss at work and had quit his van driver job . According to Christie , he was going to move to Bristol to be with Beryl , and so he had decided to sell all of his furniture . Evans had also been around to see his mother , and to her , he told a different story . He told her that Beryl had gone , not to Bristol , but to Brighton , to see her father . This seemed odd to Timothy 's mother . She knew that Beryl and her father did not get along . Why would she go there ? The Notting Hill Police , their suspicions aroused , did a quick search of the house and the garden , but nothing much was found . The only thing of significance was a newspaper clipping found in the Evans 's flat . The clipping was about the recent Stanley Setty murder case . The month before , Setty 's neatly wrapped torso had been discovered in some marshes in Essex . Had Timothy Evans done the same with his wife ? A briefcase was also found in the Evans flat , and it turned out to be stolen . Informed of the briefcase , the Merthyr Tydfil police charged Evans with theft and he was to be returned to London . The theft charge allowed the police to hold him while the search for Beryl continued . On December 2 , the police returned to number 10 , and the search this time produced grisly results . They tried to get into the tiny wash - house at the back of the building , but the door had become stuck . Ethel found a piece of metal that could be used to pry the door open and gave it to the police . They forced the door open and looked inside . It was dark in the wash - house , but they could see that there was some wood stacked up against the sink . One of the officers felt behind the wood and could feel some sort of package . The wood was removed and they found what appeared to be a large parcel wrapped up in a green tablecloth . They turned to Ethel and asked her what it may be , and she told them she had never seen it before . The police pulled the package out and untied the cord that was holding the package together . No sooner was the package loosened when out slipped a pair of feet . Unwrapped , the package revealed the moldering corpse of Beryl Evans . She had been beaten and strangled . The bodies were taken to Kensington Mortuary where the Home Office pathologist conducted the post mortems . Bruising over the right eye and on the lip showed that Beryl had been hit , probably more than once , and then she had been strangled with cord or rope . There was no evidence that any attempt at an abortion had taken place , though there was some bruising inside the vagina , indicating there may have been an attempt at sex . Timothy Evans was returned to London . He believed he was going to be questioned about the stolen briefcase that had been found in his flat . However , when he arrived at the train station accompanied by police officers , there were photographers waiting to take pictures of him . It was clear to Evans that this was not about the briefcase . She was incurring one debt after another and I could not stand it any longer , so I strangled her with a piece of rope and took her down to the flat below the same night whilst the old man [ Mr . Kitchener ] was in hospital . I waited until the Christies downstairs had gone to bed , then I took her to the wash - house after midnight . This was on Tuesday 8 November . On Thursday evening after I came home from work I strangled my baby in our bedroom with my tie and later that night I took her down into the wash - house after the Christies had gone to bed . Later , Timothy Evans would make a longer confession that , according to the police , took 75 minutes to write and read back to him . This confession goes into greater detail about the murders . He told of how he got angry and how he hit Beryl , and then , in an uncontrollable fit of temper , he strangled her . He told of how he got her body downstairs and into the wash - house and used the wood to cover her body before locking the door . The trial of Timothy Evans began on January 11 , 1950 at the Old Bailey . Unlike the present day , in the 1950 's you could only be tried for one murder at a time . Mr . Christmas Humphries was the prosecutor , and he wanted to avoid the defense motive of provocation that the defense would surely put forth if the trial was for the murder of Beryl Evans . With Geraldine , there could be no such motive , and so , although the murder of Beryl would be included in the testimony , the trial was for the murder of his 13 - month old - daughter . The prosecution 's case was simple . Evans and Beryl were in a difficult relationship . Their marriage was under a great deal of strain , with little money coming in , a baby to feed and clothe , and now , a second baby on the way . Dr . Teare gave his evidence , and Christie was also called by the prosecution . With Christie , Morris thought he saw a way to help with the defense . He had discovered that Christie had some past criminal convictions and hoped that would at least discredit him as a witness . It didn 't work . It did the opposite . Christie , for all his past faults , had not been in any trouble for the past 17 years . The jury was impressed by this man and the fact that he had turned his life around to become a model citizen . Reg Christie was a war hero , having been gassed during the First World War , which had left him with his soft voice . He had also been a War reserve policeman during World War Two . But the evidence was all against him . Evans had described the murders in precise and accurate detail , because , the prosecution pointed out , he was the one who committed the murders . Only the killer would know the details so clearly . Morris pointed to the second confession given by Evans in which he implicated Christie . Morris hoped that it would confuse the issue and raise a reasonable doubt . But it was useless . Evans was a known liar , he was a known drunk , he was known to be violent , and he was known to have a short temper . He 'd admitted to the murders in more than one statement . The jury filed out of the courtroom for its deliberations , but was back within 40 minutes . The verdict , reached swiftly , was a foregone conclusion . Timothy John Evans was found guilty on the charge of murdering his 13 - month - old daughter . The sentence was death by hanging . Christie , still in the courtroom , burst into a flood of tears . Other news quickly replaced that rapidly dwindling interest in the killings . That same year , in July , Sainsbury 's opened the first purpose built supermarket , and in August , Princess Elizabeth gave birth to her second child , Princess Anne . In November , George Bernard Shaw died at the age of 94 . In addition to the top flat now being empty after the murders , the second floor flat was also vacant as Charles Kitchener had also moved out . Ethel Christie also wanted to move away , the new tenants scared her , and Reg had gone into a depression after the trial . Reg had also lost his job , thanks to some of the disclosures about his convictions that were revealed at the trial . By the end of 1952 , Reg was living alone . Reg had found a new job up in Sheffield , and Ethel had already left , having relatives there . Reg would join her later . Reg was desperate to move out and sold all of his furniture . He stayed in the unfurnished flat well into March 1953 , when he met a woman named Reilly . She told Christie that she was looking for a flat to rent , and Christie said that she could have his . She came round with her husband and had a look at the flat . They thought it would suit them , and Christie took three months rent in advance off them . Christie then borrowed a suitcase from them , put the last of his things in it , and left on March 20 , 1953 . The Reilly 's didn 't get much of a chance to settle in . The next day , the landlord came around and was surprised to find them there . He was angry ; Christie had no right to rent the place out as it wasn 't his . Beresford liked music while he worked , and so the first thing he wanted to do was put up a shelf so he had somewhere to put his radio . He began to tap on the walls to find a suitable spot , and one part of the wall sounded hollow . There had to be some sort of space behind the wall . At the edge , some of the wallpaper was coming away and he pulled on that . He found the door that led to the pantry or cupboard . He managed to get the door partly open , and then he grabbed his flashlight and looked through the crack in the door . What he saw made him reel back in horror . The beam from his flashlight had revealed a woman sitting there , her back toward him . She was semi - naked and obviously dead . Beresford called the police . Several officers arrived and the door to the pantry was opened . The woman sat with her back toward them , leaning forward . The police took her out and moved her to the front room for examination . She was wearing only a bra , a garter belt , and stockings . Her wrists had been bound together by a handkerchief tied in a reef knot , and some clothing had been wedged between her legs to act as a diaper to absorb seepage from her vagina and rectum . There was another object in the cupboard , wrapped in a blanket . The police removed it , and found that it was the body of a second woman . In the cupboard , she had been placed upside down on her head and leaned against the wall . The police were not finished yet . They removed a third body , like the second placed upside down in the cupboard . This victim had her ankles bound , this time with electrical cord , and once again , a reef knot was used . Also tied with a reef knot was the cloth used to cover her head . If the police felt relieved and thought that it was now over , that relief was short lived . Noticing that the floorboards in the living room were loose , the police took them up . There was some loose rubble underneath and , after a short dig , they found the remains of a fourth woman . Back at the mortuary , the post mortems began . The first body to be found was that of a brunette in her early to mid twenties . She had been dead for around four weeks , killed by a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and strangulation . It was determined that she had been suffering from the effects of the carbon monoxide gas when she was strangled with a smooth surfaced cord . There were scratch marks along her back which indicated that she had been dragged along the floor after she was dead . There were also indications that sexual intercourse had also taken place . The next body was also in her mid - twenties with light brown hair . She seemed to have been in good health when she died . She had a pinkish color to her , which indicated that she too had been poisoned with carbon monoxide gas . Like the first , she had also been strangled . She showed signs of heavy drinking on the day that she had died , and she had also had sexual intercourse , either just before or just after she had died . She was wearing a cardigan and a vest , and another vest had been placed between her legs to act as a diaper . She had been dead somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks . The third body , this time a blonde , was , like the first two , in her mid - twenties . Once more , the pinkness of the corpse indicated that she had been gassed before strangulation had taken place . This victim wore a dress , a petticoat , two vests , a bra , and a cardigan . Once more , there was a piece of cloth between the legs to act as a diaper . This victim was also six months pregnant . Once again , sexual intercourse seemed to have occurred either just before or just after death . When the fourth body arrived the next morning , it was clear that there was a significant difference between this one and the first three . First of all , she was older , somewhere in her mid fifties , a plump woman , with missing teeth . A flowered dress and a silk nightgown were wrapped around the body , and then wrapped once more in a flannel blanket . Her head had been covered by a pillowcase . It did not take long to identify the victims . The three younger victims turned out to be prostitutes that Christie had invited back to the flat . They were Rita Nelson , aged 25 , Kathleen Maloney , aged 26 , and Hectorina McLennan , also aged 26 . The older woman who was found under the floor was Ethel Christie . The search of Number 10 continued the next day . Among the things found was an old tobacco tin which , when opened , was found to contain four tufts of pubic hair . None of the pubic hair matched the victims . In the garden , more searchers discovered a human femur , in plain view , propping up the sagging back fence . More bones were discovered , along with some hair and some parts of a dress . By the time the search was completed , they had two more victims , though one of them was missing a head . Both were female . It wasn 't long before both of the victims were identified . Ruth Fuerst was 21 years old when she disappeared . A tall girl at five - foot - eight , she had left Austria in 1939 to come to London . She went missing on August 24 , 1943 . Muriel Eady worked at Ultra Radio Works in 1944 . One day , the 32 year old met a fellow worker in the canteen . His name was Reg Christie . She vanished in October of that year . She was last seen wearing a black wool dress , just like the scraps of a dress that was found in the garden . Some hair that was found also matched Muriel 's . Six bodies were found in total , and now the hunt was on for Christie . John Reginald Halliday Christie was born on April 8 , 1899 , in an isolated house known as " Black Boy " in Turner Lane , Shibden , a small village a few miles east of Halifax , Yorkshire . According to Christie himself , he had a very rosy childhood . He enjoyed school , was excellent at math , and was good at games , especially soccer . He loved animals , a love that lasted all of his life , and at one point , he was an assistant Scout master and a member of the local choir . Christie 's father , Ernest John Christie , was feared in his home . He was a severe and tyrannical man whose temper would explode on the slightest annoyance . Reg was scared of his father and his grandfather . At the age of 8 , Reg experienced death for the first time , when his hated grandfather died . The body was laid out in the house for visitors to come and pay their respects and , like the rest of the family , Reg viewed the body . It must have been a revelation to Reg , that this man , who scared him so badly while he was alive , now didn 't scare him at all in death . It is likely that this is the moment when Reg saw that the dead cannot hurt you , and this lasted into his adult life . Soon after , Reg began playing in the local cemetery where he liked to look at the graves . In June , 1918 , Christie was caught in a mustard gas attack , and spent a month in hospital . According to Christie , he was blinded by the gas for three months and unable to talk for three and a half years because of the attack . There is no evidence of his blindness , and although he may have been unable to speak for a short while , it was more likely due to a psychological reason , and not a physical one . Even so , it could not have been for the length of time that he claimed as just seven weeks later he was declared fit enough for active duty . During his time in the army , Christie became a frequent customer of prostitutes . He discovered that as he didn 't have to please them or prove his manhood , he was able to perform normally . However , they had to be compliant and unresponsive for him to achieve erection and penetration . After he left the army , he met Ethel Simpson Waddington , a very passive girl , which suited Christie . On May 10 , 1920 , they married at Halifax Registry Office . But Christie 's sexual problems remained , and during their courtship , they never had sex at all . Christie , instead , continued to use the services of prostitutes for his sexual needs . In January , 1923 , he found himself in trouble again . This time , he was convicted of obtaining money by false pretences and violent conduct . For this , he received a sentence of 12 months probation . The following year , 1924 , he got nine months hard labor for stealing goods and money . By this time , Ethel was fed up with her husbands petty stealing and inability to hold down a job . She left him and moved in with relatives . Christie moved down to London . By 1929 , Christie was living in Battersea , South London , with a prostitute , and once more , Christie found himself in trouble . In what was described by the judge as a " murderous attack , " Christie had clubbed the prostitute across the head with a cricket bat . Yet , despite the severity of the attack , Christie was only sentenced to six months hard labor . While in prison , Christie got in touch with Ethel and asked if she would visit him . Ethel was lonely , and dismissing the past , came to see him . After Christie was released from prison , Ethel and Christie decided to put the past behind them and reconcile . They moved back in together . In 1934 , Christie was hit by a car while he was out cycling . Taken to hospital , he had to have an operation on his knee . Once again , playing for sympathy , he exaggerated his injuries , stating that he was unconscious for more than an hour , a fact that is not mentioned in hospital records . Christie , for the first time in his life , was in a position of power , and he used it . His neighbors began to dislike this man who abused his position and acted like a bully . He even got himself a new nickname , " The Himmler of Rillington Place . " While he was at Harrow Road , Christie met a married woman whose husband was fighting overseas , and he began to see her in secret , although whether there was a sexual relationship is unknown . The relationship lasted until the middle of 1943 , when the husband returned home unexpectedly and caught them together . Christie took a beating from the husband , and this may have been the trigger that started the murders . In 1943 , most likely after his beating , Christie , still a War Reserve policeman , visited a snack bar in Ladbroke Grove . He was there , supposedly , on police business , though he was actually off duty at the time . While there , he caught the eye of a 21 - year - old Austrian girl named Ruth Fuerst , who worked at a munitions factory and lived not far from Rillington Place . There is some suggestion , likely correct , that Ruth supplemented her income by working as a prostitute part time . Christie struck up a conversation with her , and a relationship began . Soon , they were meeting regularly , and one day in August , Christie took Ruth back to 10 Rillington Place . Ethel was away visiting relatives in Sheffield and Christie had the flat to himself . According to Christie , he and Ruth were in the bedroom at 10 Rillington Place when suddenly , " She undressed and wanted me to have intercourse with her . I got a telegram while she was there , saying that my wife was on her way home . The girl wanted us to team up together and go right away somewhere together . I would not do that . I got on the bed and had intercourse with her . I strangled her with a piece of rope . " The next day , Ethel 's brother left , and Ethel went off to work , leaving Christie to carry on with the disposal of his first victim . After removing the floorboards , he dragged Ruth out to the wash - house in the back and hid the body there . Then he began to dig a grave for her in the garden . Before he had finished , Ethel came home , and they had a cup of tea together . That night , after Ethel had gone to bed , Christie stayed up and carried on with his grisly task . When the hole was deep enough , he went to the wash - house and dragged the body of Ruth Fuerst over to the grave and dropped her in , along with her clothes . He then filled the hole and went to bed . Christie would later admit that he felt a powerful thrill as he looked down at his first victim . The next day , Christie raked over the area where he had buried the body , and accidentally pulled up some of the clothing . This he put in an old dustbin that was used for burning rubbish . Some months later , Christie accidentally dug up Ruth 's skull . This went into the dustbin as well , where it would eventually be discovered during the police search . Muriel suffered from bronchial catarrh and had told Christie about it . Christie had always liked to give the impression he had some medical knowledge , a claim supported by the " medical " books that he owned , which were really nothing more than books he had picked up as a first aid worker . Some even believed that he was a doctor who had been struck off for some reason . Christie told Muriel that he could help with her problem , and he invited her around the Rillington Place for some treatment . It was October , 1944 , and Ethel was , once again , away visiting relatives in Sheffield , leaving Christie home alone . It was the opportunity he had been waiting for . He invited Muriel around and made her a cup of tea , and then showed her the device that he would use to cure her of her problems with catarrh . It was a fairly simple device . A square jar with a metal lid held the special inhalant that smelled of Friar 's Balsam . The lid had two holes in it , and through these holes were two tubes . One of the tubes went down into the liquid while the other end trailed off around the back of the deck chair that she was to sit in . The other tube did not go into the liquid , and the other end was attached to a home made mask that the user would breathe through . As Muriel breathed deeply , Christie reached behind the chair . The other end of the tubing that went into the liquid was attached to the coal gas pipe . Christie released the gas , and Muriel , unable to smell the poisonous carbon monoxide gas because of the Friar 's Balsam , quickly went limp as consciousness faded away . The sexually aroused Christie began to strangle Muriel as he penetrated her body . Soon he was finished , and Muriel was dead . Christie had cured her catarrh , and any other ailment she may have been suffering from . Once again , he dragged the body out to the wash - house where it remained while he dug another grave in the garden . Muriel was buried not too far from where Ruth Fuerst lay . When , some time later , Christie managed to dig up her femur by accident , he just used it to prop up the sagging fence . It is probable that Christie felt a desire for Beryl Evans right from the beginning , he just had to bide his time . Timothy Evans was impressed with his soft spoken neighbor , who was obviously educated beyond Evans 's capabilities , especially as he had medical knowledge , or so he hinted . Christie showed Timothy his " medical " books , and Evans would believe anything Christie said . Christie had to have realized that here was a man who could be manipulated and easily tricked . And when the time came , Christie struck . With a second baby on the way , Beryl wanted to have an abortion , and who better to turn to than their neighbor , a respectable former policeman with medical expertise . He would surely help . But when Timothy Evans found out about Beryl 's plan to get rid of the baby , he wanted no part of it , and he told Christie that they were not interested in getting an abortion . Christie , seeing an opportunity slip away , tried to persuade him that everything would be okay , but Timothy still refused . But Beryl was still insistent , and would go through with it . A short while later , Timothy discovered that money he had been giving to Beryl for housekeeping had been spent on other things , and a serious argument broke out . Timothy threatened to leave , and Beryl told him to go . Instead , he went to the movies . There were workmen in the house the next day . They had been coming since the end of October , working on the wash - house and the roof , and ripping out walls and floors where Christie felt there was a problem . Kitchener was away in the hospital , and apart from the workmen , Christie and Beryl were alone in the house . According to Christie , he came upstairs to Beryl sometime around midday . She had made preparations by spreading out a quilt in front of the fire . When Christie came in , Beryl lay down upon it . Christie is then unclear about what happened next . In one account , Beryl went into a panic and Christie started to hit her . He then pulled out a cord and strangled her . In one of his accounts he says that he tried to have intercourse with her , but he couldn 't , and in another account , he states that he did have intercourse with her . He also stated that a short while before , Beryl had tried to kill herself with gas , and he had found her lying on the floor in front of the fire with the gas on . He opened the door and the windows to get rid of the gas , then made her a cup of tea and comforted her . According to Christie , the next day she asked him to help her commit suicide , and " she said she would do anything … I think she was referring to letting me be intimate with her . " Once again , the death was not his fault , she wanted to die . All he did was help her . " I turned the gas tap on and as near as I can make out I held it close to her face . When she became unconscious I turned the tap off . I was going to try to have intercourse with her but it was impossible . I couldn 't bend over . I think that is when I strangled her . " Which of his accounts , if any , is the true one is not clear , though it is more likely that he attempted sex but couldn 't do it as he was suffering from back pains at the time , making some movement difficult . Joan Vincent was a friend of Beryl 's , and around this time , she paid a call on her . She was surprised to find that the door to Beryl 's flat was closed , something Beryl never did . Joan knocked on the door but there was no answer , which was also a surprise as Beryl was usually home at this time . Joan tried the door , which opened a little and then was blocked . Joan said later that although there was no sound , she was certain that there was someone on the other side of the door , blocking it from opening . If this is true , then Christie must have been in a panic , but managed to show coolness under pressure . When Timothy arrived home from work that evening , he found Christie waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs . He told Evans to go up , he would follow behind . When they reached the top floor , Christie told Timothy that it was bad news . The abortion procedure didn 't work , and Beryl had died . Christie led the distraught Timothy into the bedroom where , lying on the bed and covered with a blanket , was the body of his wife , Beryl . Timothy was distressed and vulnerable , and open to suggestion . Christie persuaded Timothy that going to the police would just cause trouble for the both of them . Would that be fair on Christie , as all he had done was try to help , and abortion was illegal . As for Timothy , the arguments and the violence would surely point the finger at him for the death of his wife . Christie 's persuasiveness worked , Timothy would agree to whatever Christie said . Christie told Timothy that he would dispose of the body . First , they would both move it down into Kitchener 's empty flat and put the body in the kitchen . Christie would need Timothy 's help with this as he was unable to lift her on his own because of his bad back . Christie then told Timothy that he would get rid of the body later by putting it down the drain outside . Evans would have to leave and so he agreed to stay with his mother . However , he would take Geraldine with him . Christie said this was a bad idea . It would cause too much suspicion . People would see him with Geraldine and begin to wonder where Beryl was . Christie said that he would think of something . Timothy stayed in the flat overnight , and by the next day , Christie had come up with a solution . Christie knew of a young couple who were childless and desperately wanted a baby . They would take Geraldine and Timothy would be assured that she was being looked after . Timothy was to let people know that Beryl had gone away with Geraldine for a holiday . Timothy prepared Geraldine 's things for her move to a new home , having been told by Christie that the couple would be arriving sometime that day to collect her . Joan Vincent returned later that day and she started up the stairs to see Beryl . Christie , seeing her , headed her off and asked what she wanted . When she said that she 'd come to visit Beryl , Christie told her that Beryl and Geraldine had gone away . However , Joan could see the baby furniture and the pram . Christie said it would be better if she did not come back . When the builders finished their work and had left the premises , Christie got both bodies downstairs and out to the back . Beryl and Geraldine , now neatly wrapped in blankets and tablecloths , were hidden in the wash - house and covered with the floorboards that had been left by the workmen . They stayed there until they were discovered by the police on December 2 . After the execution of Timothy Evans , things began to change at 10 Rillington Place . Christie , always a hypochondriac , had become worse . He felt that he was being persecuted , and his mental state caused him to be examined at the Springfield Mental Hospital for a short while , where he was found by Dr . Petit to be " an insignificant , old womanish city man . Girlish voice , mincing walk . Latent homosexual , though not overt . " By 1952 , Christie had quit his job and was now home all the time , and Ethel was not visiting her relatives in Sheffield as much as she did in the past . Christie was frustrated . He wanted to kill again , he had not murdered anyone since Beryl over three years before , and there was an obstacle in his way . Ethel . On the morning of December 14 , 1952 , Christie strangled Ethel as she lay in bed . According to Christie , " I was awakened at about 8 : 15 a . m . I think it was my wife moving about in bed . I sat up and saw that she appeared to be convulsive . Her face was blue and she was choking . I did what I could to try to restore her breathing , but it was hopeless . It appeared too late to call for assistance , that is when I couldn 't bear to see her , so I got a stocking and tied it around her neck to put her to sleep . " He added he had no idea what it was that were causing his wife to have convulsions , but as he got out of bed after her death , he " saw a small bottle and a cup half - full of water on a small table near the bed . I noticed that the bottle contained two pheno - barbitone tablets and it originally contained twenty - five . I knew then that she must have taken the remainder . " Ethel 's post mortem , however , showed no trace of pills in her stomach . He left her in bed for three days as he did not know what to do with her , but then remembered the loose floorboards in the living room , where Ruth Fuerst once spent the night . Christie also began sending out letters from Ethel to relatives that she had written but had not gotten around to mailing before she was killed . Christie changed the date on them to make it appear they were written later . In subsequent letters , he wrote them himself , explaining that Ethel 's rheumatism prevented her from writing and that she was dictating them to him . Christie had been unemployed since December 6 , and needed money . He sold Ethel 's wedding ring and her watch , and started to sell off the furniture . Each week , he went down to the Labour Exchange to collect unemployment benefits , and on January 26 , 1953 , he forged Ethel 's signature and went to the bank where he emptied her account . Sometime between January 2 and 19 , 1953 , Christie had a chance meeting with 25 - year - old Rita Nelson , a prostitute who was six months pregnant . It 's likely that she met Christie in a pub , and once again pretending to have medical knowledge , he persuaded Rita that he could abort the unwanted child . Rita came round to Rillington Place where , as he did with Muriel Eady , had Rita sit in a chair while he helped her put on the gas mask . Once unconscious , her fate was the same as the previous victims , pulled to the floor and raped as he strangled her to death . Christie 's version is different . I lived in the flat and one evening I went up Ladbroke Grove to get some fish and chips for the animals . I had a dog and a cat . On the way back , in Ladbroke Grove , a drunken woman stood in front of me and demanded a pound for me to take her round the corner . I said . ' I am not interested and I haven 't got money to throw away . ' I 'm not like that . I haven 't had intercourse with any women for over two years , my doctor will tell you that . He is Doctor Odess , Colville Square . She then demanded 30 shillings and said she would scream and say I had interfered with her if I didn 't give it to her . I walked away as I am so well known around there and she would have obviously caused a scene . She came along , she wouldn 't go and she came right to the door still demanding 30 shillings . When I opened the door she forced her way in . I went to the kitchen and she was still on about this 30 shillings . I tried to get her out and she picked up a frying pan to hit me . I closed with her and there was a struggle and she fell back on the chair . It was a deck chair . There was a piece of rope hanging from the chair . I don 't know what happened but I must have gone haywire . The next thing I remember she was lying in the chair with the rope round her neck . I don 't remember taking it off . It couldn 't have been tied . I left her there and went into the front room . After that I believe I had a cup of tea and went to bed . A few days after the death of Rita Nelson , Christie went into a café in Notting Hill . The café was crowded and Christie had to share a table with two young women . The two women were talking about their search for a suitable flat for accommodation . Christie gave his account of the meeting . I went into a café in Notting Hill for a cup of tea and a sandwich . The café was pretty full ; there wasn 't much space . Two girls sat at a table and I sat opposite at the same table . They were talking about rooms , where they had been looking to get accommodation . Then one of them spoke to me . She asked me for a cigarette and then started a conversation . During the conversation , I mentioned about leaving my flat and that it would be vacant very soon , and they suggested coming down together to see it in the evening . Only one came down . The one that came down was 26 - year - old Kathleen Maloney , a part time prostitute and nude model . How he got her to sit in the chair while he gassed her is unknown , but as her post mortem showed that she had been drinking heavily , it is likely that she was drunk enough for Christie to handle her with some ease and get the mask over her face . Once again , Christie 's version is self serving . She looked over the flat . She said it would be suitable subject to the landlord 's permission . It was then that she made suggestions that she would visit me for a few days . She said this so that I would use my influence with the landlord as a sort of payment of kind . I was rather annoyed and told her that it didn 't interest me . I think she started saying I was making accusations against her when she saw there was nothing doing . She said that she would bring someone down to me . I believe it was then that she mentioned something about Irish blood . She was in a violent temper . I remember she started fighting . I am very quiet and avoid fighting . I know there was something , it 's in the back of my mind . She was on the floor . I must have put her in the alcove straight away . Hectorina McLennan was Christie 's final victim . On March 3 , the 26 year old was leaving a café with her boyfriend , a man named Baker , when they bumped into Christie . As Baker crossed over the road to chat with a friend , Christie struck up a conversation with Hectorina . During the conversation , she told Christie that she and Baker had just been evicted from their flat and were looking for somewhere else to stay . Christie , no doubt seeing an opportunity , offered them both accommodations at his home for a few days until they could find somewhere more suitable . The girl came back alone . She asked if he had called and I said ' No ' , but I was expecting him . She said she would wait , but I told her she couldn 't and that he may be looking for her , and that she must go and that she couldn 't stay there alone . She was very funny about it . I got hold of her arm and tried to lead her out . I pushed her out of the kitchen . She started struggling like anything and some of her clothing got torn . She then sort of fell limp as I got hold of her . She sank to the ground and I think that some of her clothing must have got caught around her neck in the struggle . She was just out of the kitchen in the passageway . I tried to lift her up but couldn 't . I then pulled her into the kitchen on to a chair . I felt her pulse , but it wasn 't beating . I pulled the cupboard away again and I must have put her in there . The Hunt for the Monster of Rillington Place Christie went to a Rowton House , a hostel for working men , in Kings Cross , where he paid for lodging for seven days , using his real name . But when the news of what had been discovered at Rillington Place hit the headlines , Christie left . For the rest of the time , he wandered around London , sleeping rough and spending most of his time in cafés and movie theatres . Norman Rae was the chief crime reporter for the News Of The World newspaper , and he remembered the Evans case very well , having covered it for the newspaper three years earlier . As with all of the newspapers , the News Of The World was considering the Evans 's side of the story , and Rae was about to become personally involved . It was late at night on March 29 when Rae 's telephone rang at the News Of The World office . Rae picked it up . On the other end , a whispery voice asked Rae if he remembered him . Rae remembered him very well ; he had interviewed Christie three years earlier when he covered the Evans killings . Christie wanted to give Rae an exclusive , and offered to meet a few hours later outside Wood Green Town Hall . Rae said that he would be there . Rae , along with a driver , got over to Wood Green and waited in the darkened car for Christie to show . Soon , there was movement , and Christie appeared in the shadows . On the last day of March , Christie was on the bank of the Thames at Putney Embankment , leaning over the railing and looking at the river . A police constable named Thomas Ledger walked past and thought the man looked suspicious . Ledger stopped and asked the man his name . " John Waddington " replied the man , and said he was 35 years old and was waiting to get his unemployment cards . Ledger asked the man to remove his hat . Once Ledger got a good look at him , with his bald head and his whispering voice , he knew who stood in front of him . Ledger arrested him and took him to Putney Police Station in a police van that happened to be passing at the right moment . Realizing that the pretense would do no good , " John Waddington " gave his real name . John Reginald Halliday Christie , the monster of Rillington Place , had been captured . Over the following few months , Christie would confess to his crimes on three separate occasions . His confessions , though essentially true in that he was the murderer , were designed to show him in the best light , and his explanations as to how and why the killings took place were self serving . Facts were altered , some details were exaggerated , and some details were conveniently forgotten . He gave an account of his life to the Sunday Pictorial newspaper in which he claimed that a powerful and mysterious force that he couldn 't control made him commit the murders . He tried to present himself as someone who was forced to kill his victims by the victims themselves . Ruth asked for it by stripping off and demanding sex . Beryl wanted to commit suicide , all he did was help . His last three victims were violent and the deaths were self defense . Even Ethel 's death was a mercy killing . The truth was that Ethel was in the way , and Christie wanted to pursue his murderous hobby . It also may have been that Ethel had put two and two together , and was beginning to suspect that he may have had a hand in the death of Beryl Evans . Muriel Eady was the only one of his victims that he didn 't blame for her own death . And he never admitted , not officially anyway , that he was responsible for the death of Geraldine Evans . But he couldn 't , not if his defense plan was going to work . With all of his victims , it was their own fault , or , in the case of Ethel , it was a mercy killing . The prostitutes provoked him with their overt sexual attempts or their violent attacks on him , and Beryl wanted to die anyway . None of these excuses could be placed on a 13 - month - old little girl . The truth was that Geraldine was murdered simply to get rid of a problem . If Beryl and Geraldine disappeared , then it could be assumed that they had just left , with Beryl fed up with Timothy and taking the baby with her . If Timothy and Geraldine were together , then people would start asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Beryl , and the truth could come out . The trail could have led back to Christie . So Geraldine had to go . The facts as stated by the prosecution showed a man who was devious , who tried to conceal the murder of his wife by hiding the body underneath the floorboards , who tried to convince others through forged letters that she was still alive . This was a man who had forged his wife 's signature in order to obtain the contents of her bank account by deceit , and then forged her signature to a receipt to say that she had received it . This man had told people that she was with her relatives in Sheffield , and he had told the person to whom he sold the furniture that she had gone away and that he was joining her later . The defense chose to bring into evidence the other killings , which may prove that he was insane . The defense maintained that although Christie knew what he was doing , he did not know that it was wrong . Christie was called on to testify , and throughout his story , he would mumble , or refuse to speak , and answered many of the questions with , " I don 't know " or " I cannot remember . " The prosecution called its psychiatrist for the rebuttal . In his opinion , Christie knew that what he was doing was wrong , he just didn 't care . A second psychiatrist told the court that the " falsification of memory " in which he cannot remember specific details of the murders , which the defense put forth as further proof of insanity , were merely Christie 's attempts to deliberately hide the truth . His lapses of memory were only apparent when it was convenient for him not to remember something that was damning , but his memory appeared to be perfectly sound when he was remembering anything that was of benefit to his defense . The defense had a weak case . It tried to convince the jury that the murder of Ethel Christie was completely motiveless , and only a madman would kill for no reason . Yet a reason had come up . The motive for the murder of Ethel Christie was a by - product of lust . Christie needed Ethel out of the way to continue his lustful killings of the other women . On July 15 , just 20 days after the judge read the sentence , Christie faced the noose at Pentonville Prison , the same noose that Timothy Evans faced just over three years before . With his arms bound , Christie complained that his nose was itchy . The hangman , Albert Pierrepoint reassured Christie , " It won 't bother you for long . " Did Christie kill more than eight people ? It seems likely that these were not his only victims . As a wartime policeman , there would be many opportunities to kill and get rid of the body in a bombed building . The four clumps of pubic hair that didn 't belong to any known victims would point to there being others . And the gaps between killings are long , which is also unusual . But these are questions that can never be answered . For the residents of Rillington Place , life became a nightmare . Sightseers flocked to see the infamous house , crowding the already narrow cul - de - sac . Mrs . Sarah McFadden , the resident at number 3 , organized a petition , which was signed by 83 residents , asking for a change to the street name . It was presented to the council on May 19 , 1953 . Although the council felt that the name change would make no difference to the sightseers , the name was finally changed in May the following year , to Ruston Close . As the council suspected , it didn 't stop the sightseers . But there was a problem , the police had not done their job . The fact was the police investigation into the deaths of Beryl and Geraldine was a mess . When Evans told the police in Wales that he had disposed of his wife , they were certain that he was responsible . The fact that it took three men to lift the cover on the drain showed that Evans was a liar . The police , believing that they had their man , were determined that he should not escape justice . Evans , after being told that his wife 's body was not where he told them it would be , told them that Christie did it . The police decided that this was just to shift the blame . They may have been right , but they should still have checked Christie 's background , just to be on the safe side . If they had , Christie past convictions , including one for the " murderous attack " on a woman , would have come to light , and Christie would not have been regarded as the decent and upstanding citizen that he pretended to be . But beyond that , there were other aspects of the " investigation " that were , at best , criminally negligent . While searching for Beryl 's body in the garden , the police failed to notice a human thigh bone propping up the sagging fence , even though the garden was , supposedly , examined . Some other bones were visible , thanks to Christie 's dog having dug them up . Shortly after the police search , the dog pulled up the skull of Muriel Eady . Christie slipped it under his coat and walked past the policemen waiting outside the house and threw it into a bombed out house in St . Mark 's Road , where it was discovered shortly after . It was handed in to the police , who decided it was a bomb victim . Why did they not question the fact that the house had been bombed eight or nine years before , but the skull only discovered now ? Why did they not consider it to be too much of a coincidence that they find a skull at the same time as they are looking for a body just around the corner ? It defied explanation . The discovery of the clipping concerning the Stanley Setty murder told the police that Evans was going to get rid of the bodies in the same manner . Why would he have a clipping otherwise . The problem was , why would he have a clipping at all , he couldn 't read , it would have been indecipherable to him . But Christie was known to be an avid clipper . The bodies of Beryl and Geraldine were found in the wash - house on December 2 , and had been dead for three weeks . That , according to the police thinking , is where Evans left them . But the workmen who had been doing work there since October had been using the wash - house to store their tools , and the bodies were certainly not there during that time . The workmen had only finished using the wash - house the day before the bodies were discovered . The workmen also stated that the wood that was used to cover the bodies was from floorboards that had been taken up after Evans had left , and the wood had been given to Christie . With this evidence , the guilt of Timothy Evans should have been , at the very least , questioned . He couldn 't have moved the bodies to the wash - house the day before ; he was already in police custody . But the confessions were proof that Evans committed the murders . They were very detailed and accurate , he knew where the bodies were , he knew how they had been killed , and he knew what they were wearing . How could he know so much detail if he was not the killer . The fact was that all of these details were already known to the police , and the police coached Evans in what to say during the confession . Evans was fearful of the police , there had been hints of violence if he didn 't come clean , and with this threat over him Evans was scared that he would be hurt . As they fed him the details of the murders , he agreed that it was so , and after a long night of interrogation ( and not the 75 minutes that the police stated it took ) , Evans had confessed to a murder that he didn 't commit in details that should have been known only to the killer . But the workmen who were at 10 Rillington Place were never called . In addition , the police re - interviewed the workmen , and managed to get some of them at least to change their story to fit in with the theory that Evans killed his family . According to one source , they even produced a photograph of a dead baby ( not connected to the case ) to manipulate the workers emotionally . In his summing up , the judge presented the jury with two options . Either Dr . Teare , the pathologist was lying about the post mortem results , or Evans was lying . He pointed out that Evans had a reputation and a record as a habitual liar , and pointed out the luminous reputation of Christie . The newspaper cutting about the Setty murder was referred to in the inquiry , showing that Evans probably planned to dispose of the bodies in the same manner . The fact that Evans was illiterate and couldn 't read , and that Christie was known to be an avid newspaper clipper , was also dismissed . Other evidence that would have pointed to Evans being innocent of the charge was also ignored . In Parliament , the report was viciously attacked . Geoffrey Bing , QC , the MP for Hornchurch delivered what , at the time , was called by Michael Foot , " one of the most formidable which has been delivered in this house for many years . " Bing stated , " The whole of the report was shot through with prejudice and evidence of all sorts of irregularities . " Michael Foot said it was not worth the paper it had been written on , and Reginald Paget said that it deliberately concealed the truth and was dishonest . One man stood up and gave his support to a growing campaign for justice for Timothy Evans . He was James Chuter Ede , later Baron Chuter - Ede , who in 1950 was the Home Secretary at the time of Evans ' execution . He concluded that a terrible mistake had been made . In 1955 , The Man on Your Conscience was published . Written by Michael Eddowes , it was the first important book on the case , and generated a renewed interest . Four influential editors , Ian Gilmour of The Spectator , John Grigg of The National and English Review , Sir Lynton Andrews of The Yorkshire Post , and David Astor of The Observer petitioned the Home secretary for a new inquiry . It was denied . Kennedy also stressed the evidence given by Dr . Teare that there were signs of sexual penetration of Beryl 's body , suggesting the murderer was sexually aroused by the act of killing , and possibly a necrophiliac . This evidence was suppressed by Evans 's own defense . Had this come up in court , it would have removed some suspicion from Evans who may have been short tempered and violent , but was certainly not a necrophiliac , and would not have had sex with his wife 's body . By now , Britain had a new Home Secretary , R . A . Butler . The campaigners , including Labour MP Sir Frank Soskice , asked for a new inquiry , and Butler said that he would examine the evidence that was presented in the book . Just over seven weeks later , Butler made his decision . No inquiry . With the Governments reversed , Labour , after years of vociferous campaigning for the inquiry , took on the former Governments position and was now refusing it . The Conservative 's , in their turn , took up Labour 's former stance , and were now pushing for an inquiry . " I do not think that an inquiry would serve any useful purpose at this stage . I think it would be kinder not to express views one way or the other . " said Soskice . Herbert Wolfe was a German refugee living in Darlington , who had arrived in Britain in 1933 to escape what was happening in his own country . To him , the concept of British justice was precious and something that should not be taken for granted . He had read Kennedy 's book and , convinced of the innocence of Timothy Evans , wrote an article that he sent to the editor of his local paper , The Northern Echo . Darlington is far from London , and the local paper could hardly have any influence on the Government . But the editor happened to be Harold Evans , an exceptional journalist who would go on to become editor of The Sunday Times and is now editor at large for Reuters . He said , " After receiving Wolfe 's article , I got hold of Kennedy 's book . I read it on the train to London , and became so angry I wanted to pull the communication cord . I thought , this is an outrage ; something must be done about it . " Every day , for months , Evans published something about the case . He produced pamphlets , while Wolfe ceaselessly telephoned people about the case . On July 28 , 1965 , with Ludovic Kennedy as its chairman , the Timothy Evans committee was formed . With the press coverage that was generated , Evans pressed the Prime Minister Harold Wilson , who capitulated and promised that the Government would do something . The conclusion was bizarre . Christie , the report decided , did kill Geraldine Evans , but Timothy killed Beryl . Despite this astonishing conclusion , the report did agree that a jury could not have convicted Evans on any murder if all of the available evidence had been presented in court . Mary Westlake , Evans ' half - sister , and his sister Eileen Ashby , were awarded payment as compensation for their brothers ' miscarriage of justice , in January 2003 . Lord Brennan , the independent assessor for the Home Office , stated that " the conviction and execution of Timothy Evans for the murder of his child was wrongful and a miscarriage of justice . " He went on to add , " there is no evidence to implicate Timothy Evans in the murder of his wife . She was most probably murdered by Christie . " Brennan believed that Brabin 's conclusion that Evans murdered Beryl should be rejected . The following year , on November 16 , Mary Westlake appealed to the High Court . She wanted them to overturn a decision made by the Criminal Cases Review Commission not to refer Evans 's case to the Court of Appeal . Her argument was that though he had been pardoned , it had not formally erased his conviction for murder . The Evans Case Helps Fire the Anti - Death Penalty Movement in Great Britain Although the case of Timothy Evans was a boost to those who were opposed to capital punishment , it wasn 't the only one to have an impact , and it wasn 't , as some have thought , one of the cases that started the abolition campaign . The truth is that the abolition question had been around for several decades . However there is no doubt that the Evans case was of major importance for those wishing to end the practice . Capital punishment was suspended as a five year experiment , and became permanent in 1969 . But this was only for murder . Until 1971 , the death penalty remained for causing a fire or explosion in a naval dockyard , and remained until 1981 for espionage . Piracy that included violence was still a hanging crime until 1998 , as was treason and various offenses within the military . AboutWith the purpose of writing about true crime in an authoritative , fact - based manner , veteran journalists J . J . Maloney and J . Patrick O ' Connor launched Crime Magazine in November of 1998 . Their goal was to cover all aspects of true crime : Read More

John Reginald Halliday Christie Serial Killer Reg Christie pinned one of his eight murders on the witless Timothy Evans before he was discovered to be the " Monster of 10 Rillington Place . " Evans 's execution by hanging - and his posthumous pardon - helped lead to the abolishment of the death penalty in Great Britain . by Mark Pulham When most people think of Notting Hill , there are a few things that first come to mind . One could be the Notting Hill carnival , a colorful event held every year by the West Indian community and , after Rio , the second largest street carnival in the world . Or it may be Portobello Road , home to the worlds largest Antiques Market , held every Saturday , and also the home to the Portobello Film Festival , where over 700 films have had their premiers . Rillington Place was a typical street in the area . Number 10 was a narrow , dreary , and depressing house at the end of a narrow , dreary , and depressing cul - de - sac . Built probably around 1869 , it was a grimy and cramped house that had been , like many others , split into three flats , one on each floor . At the beginning of 1948 , only two of the flats were occupied . In the ground floor flat lived the Christies , Reg and Ethel . Their flat consisted of a front living room , a back bedroom , and a kitchen , which included a pantry or cupboard . A passageway led from the front door of the house through to the back door , splitting the Christie 's kitchen from their other rooms . Outside , there was a small wash - house with a sink and a boiler , where the occupants could do small amounts of laundry . Also outside was the only lavatory , which everyone had to use . Access to both of these was through the passageway that separated the Christie 's kitchen from the rest of their flat . Even before he was born , he had lost someone . His father , Daniel , had walked out on his pregnant wife Thomasina and their daughter , 3 - year - old Eileen . Nothing was heard from Daniel again . Young Timothy had problems as a child . He would have unmanageable tantrums and had trouble learning to speak . He also had a low IQ and had great difficulty learning anything at school . To make matters worse , at the age of 8 , he suffered an injury to his right foot and he developed a tubular plantar wart . It never healed completely , and much of his time was spent at the hospital , which only added to his lack of education . Timothy 's older sister , Eileen , had found a place for them . It wasn 't too far away , just around the corner in Rillington Place . The young couple moved into number 10 . On October 10 , 1948 , at Queen Charlotte 's Maternity Hospital , Beryl gave birth to a baby daughter who they named Geraldine . Her arrival could not have helped . There was now less space in the small two roomed flat , and Timothy 's wages were barely enough to cover the two of them , let alone a baby as well . He told them that he had disposed of his wife . Her body had been put down a drain outside his home in London . The police took him to Merthyr Tydfil police station where Detective Sergeant Gough and Detective Constable Evans took a statement . According to Timothy , it had all been an accident . Beryl was anxious to have the second pregnancy terminated , but abortion was illegal in Britain at that time . Timothy told the police that he met a man in the pub who told him he had something that would do the trick . If Beryl took it , it would cause an abortion . The man gave him a bottle which contained some mixture for Beryl to drink . It took three of them to lift the manhole cover , a sign in itself that Evans was lying , there was no way a man of his short stature could have lifted the cover alone . They looked down the drain and could see that there was no body down there . In any case , the drain was too narrow for a body to fit . Evans had to be lying . The police at Merthyr Tydfil were informed that nothing was found , and they told Timothy . He was then questioned again . Timothy changed his story , saying he may as well tell them the truth . He now told them that Beryl had died when their ground floor neighbor , Reg Christie , had tried to give her an abortion . Reg said that the last time he saw Beryl Evans was on Tuesday , November 8 . It was around midday and he saw her go out with Geraldine . He said that she looked scared about something . That same night , around midnight , he and Ethel were woken up by noises coming from upstairs , thumping sounds , as if someone was moving stuff around . It couldn 't have been Mr . Kitchener , Reg explained , as he was in the hospital . It had to have come from Evans 's flat . As the noise didn 't last for very long , they thought no more about it , and both went back to sleep . The following day , Evans came down to see the Christies . He explained to them that he was upset with his boss at work and had quit his van driver job . According to Christie , he was going to move to Bristol to be with Beryl , and so he had decided to sell all of his furniture . Evans had also been around to see his mother , and to her , he told a different story . He told her that Beryl had gone , not to Bristol , but to Brighton , to see her father . This seemed odd to Timothy 's mother . She knew that Beryl and her father did not get along . Why would she go there ? The Notting Hill Police , their suspicions aroused , did a quick search of the house and the garden , but nothing much was found . The only thing of significance was a newspaper clipping found in the Evans 's flat . The clipping was about the recent Stanley Setty murder case . The month before , Setty 's neatly wrapped torso had been discovered in some marshes in Essex . Had Timothy Evans done the same with his wife ? A briefcase was also found in the Evans flat , and it turned out to be stolen . Informed of the briefcase , the Merthyr Tydfil police charged Evans with theft and he was to be returned to London . The theft charge allowed the police to hold him while the search for Beryl continued . On December 2 , the police returned to number 10 , and the search this time produced grisly results . They tried to get into the tiny wash - house at the back of the building , but the door had become stuck . Ethel found a piece of metal that could be used to pry the door open and gave it to the police . They forced the door open and looked inside . It was dark in the wash - house , but they could see that there was some wood stacked up against the sink . One of the officers felt behind the wood and could feel some sort of package . The wood was removed and they found what appeared to be a large parcel wrapped up in a green tablecloth . They turned to Ethel and asked her what it may be , and she told them she had never seen it before . The police pulled the package out and untied the cord that was holding the package together . No sooner was the package loosened when out slipped a pair of feet . Unwrapped , the package revealed the moldering corpse of Beryl Evans . She had been beaten and strangled . The bodies were taken to Kensington Mortuary where the Home Office pathologist conducted the post mortems . Bruising over the right eye and on the lip showed that Beryl had been hit , probably more than once , and then she had been strangled with cord or rope . There was no evidence that any attempt at an abortion had taken place , though there was some bruising inside the vagina , indicating there may have been an attempt at sex . Timothy Evans was returned to London . He believed he was going to be questioned about the stolen briefcase that had been found in his flat . However , when he arrived at the train station accompanied by police officers , there were photographers waiting to take pictures of him . It was clear to Evans that this was not about the briefcase . She was incurring one debt after another and I could not stand it any longer , so I strangled her with a piece of rope and took her down to the flat below the same night whilst the old man [ Mr . Kitchener ] was in hospital . I waited until the Christies downstairs had gone to bed , then I took her to the wash - house after midnight . This was on Tuesday 8 November . On Thursday evening after I came home from work I strangled my baby in our bedroom with my tie and later that night I took her down into the wash - house after the Christies had gone to bed . Later , Timothy Evans would make a longer confession that , according to the police , took 75 minutes to write and read back to him . This confession goes into greater detail about the murders . He told of how he got angry and how he hit Beryl , and then , in an uncontrollable fit of temper , he strangled her . He told of how he got her body downstairs and into the wash - house and used the wood to cover her body before locking the door . The trial of Timothy Evans began on January 11 , 1950 at the Old Bailey . Unlike the present day , in the 1950 's you could only be tried for one murder at a time . Mr . Christmas Humphries was the prosecutor , and he wanted to avoid the defense motive of provocation that the defense would surely put forth if the trial was for the murder of Beryl Evans . With Geraldine , there could be no such motive , and so , although the murder of Beryl would be included in the testimony , the trial was for the murder of his 13 - month old - daughter . The prosecution 's case was simple . Evans and Beryl were in a difficult relationship . Their marriage was under a great deal of strain , with little money coming in , a baby to feed and clothe , and now , a second baby on the way . Dr . Teare gave his evidence , and Christie was also called by the prosecution . With Christie , Morris thought he saw a way to help with the defense . He had discovered that Christie had some past criminal convictions and hoped that would at least discredit him as a witness . It didn 't work . It did the opposite . Christie , for all his past faults , had not been in any trouble for the past 17 years . The jury was impressed by this man and the fact that he had turned his life around to become a model citizen . Reg Christie was a war hero , having been gassed during the First World War , which had left him with his soft voice . He had also been a War reserve policeman during World War Two . But the evidence was all against him . Evans had described the murders in precise and accurate detail , because , the prosecution pointed out , he was the one who committed the murders . Only the killer would know the details so clearly . Morris pointed to the second confession given by Evans in which he implicated Christie . Morris hoped that it would confuse the issue and raise a reasonable doubt . But it was useless . Evans was a known liar , he was a known drunk , he was known to be violent , and he was known to have a short temper . He 'd admitted to the murders in more than one statement . The jury filed out of the courtroom for its deliberations , but was back within 40 minutes . The verdict , reached swiftly , was a foregone conclusion . Timothy John Evans was found guilty on the charge of murdering his 13 - month - old daughter . The sentence was death by hanging . Christie , still in the courtroom , burst into a flood of tears . Other news quickly replaced that rapidly dwindling interest in the killings . That same year , in July , Sainsbury 's opened the first purpose built supermarket , and in August , Princess Elizabeth gave birth to her second child , Princess Anne . In November , George Bernard Shaw died at the age of 94 . In addition to the top flat now being empty after the murders , the second floor flat was also vacant as Charles Kitchener had also moved out . Ethel Christie also wanted to move away , the new tenants scared her , and Reg had gone into a depression after the trial . Reg had also lost his job , thanks to some of the disclosures about his convictions that were revealed at the trial . By the end of 1952 , Reg was living alone . Reg had found a new job up in Sheffield , and Ethel had already left , having relatives there . Reg would join her later . Reg was desperate to move out and sold all of his furniture . He stayed in the unfurnished flat well into March 1953 , when he met a woman named Reilly . She told Christie that she was looking for a flat to rent , and Christie said that she could have his . She came round with her husband and had a look at the flat . They thought it would suit them , and Christie took three months rent in advance off them . Christie then borrowed a suitcase from them , put the last of his things in it , and left on March 20 , 1953 . The Reilly 's didn 't get much of a chance to settle in . The next day , the landlord came around and was surprised to find them there . He was angry ; Christie had no right to rent the place out as it wasn 't his . Beresford liked music while he worked , and so the first thing he wanted to do was put up a shelf so he had somewhere to put his radio . He began to tap on the walls to find a suitable spot , and one part of the wall sounded hollow . There had to be some sort of space behind the wall . At the edge , some of the wallpaper was coming away and he pulled on that . He found the door that led to the pantry or cupboard . He managed to get the door partly open , and then he grabbed his flashlight and looked through the crack in the door . What he saw made him reel back in horror . The beam from his flashlight had revealed a woman sitting there , her back toward him . She was semi - naked and obviously dead . Beresford called the police . Several officers arrived and the door to the pantry was opened . The woman sat with her back toward them , leaning forward . The police took her out and moved her to the front room for examination . She was wearing only a bra , a garter belt , and stockings . Her wrists had been bound together by a handkerchief tied in a reef knot , and some clothing had been wedged between her legs to act as a diaper to absorb seepage from her vagina and rectum . There was another object in the cupboard , wrapped in a blanket . The police removed it , and found that it was the body of a second woman . In the cupboard , she had been placed upside down on her head and leaned against the wall . The police were not finished yet . They removed a third body , like the second placed upside down in the cupboard . This victim had her ankles bound , this time with electrical cord , and once again , a reef knot was used . Also tied with a reef knot was the cloth used to cover her head . If the police felt relieved and thought that it was now over , that relief was short lived . Noticing that the floorboards in the living room were loose , the police took them up . There was some loose rubble underneath and , after a short dig , they found the remains of a fourth woman . Back at the mortuary , the post mortems began . The first body to be found was that of a brunette in her early to mid twenties . She had been dead for around four weeks , killed by a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and strangulation . It was determined that she had been suffering from the effects of the carbon monoxide gas when she was strangled with a smooth surfaced cord . There were scratch marks along her back which indicated that she had been dragged along the floor after she was dead . There were also indications that sexual intercourse had also taken place . The next body was also in her mid - twenties with light brown hair . She seemed to have been in good health when she died . She had a pinkish color to her , which indicated that she too had been poisoned with carbon monoxide gas . Like the first , she had also been strangled . She showed signs of heavy drinking on the day that she had died , and she had also had sexual intercourse , either just before or just after she had died . She was wearing a cardigan and a vest , and another vest had been placed between her legs to act as a diaper . She had been dead somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks . The third body , this time a blonde , was , like the first two , in her mid - twenties . Once more , the pinkness of the corpse indicated that she had been gassed before strangulation had taken place . This victim wore a dress , a petticoat , two vests , a bra , and a cardigan . Once more , there was a piece of cloth between the legs to act as a diaper . This victim was also six months pregnant . Once again , sexual intercourse seemed to have occurred either just before or just after death . When the fourth body arrived the next morning , it was clear that there was a significant difference between this one and the first three . First of all , she was older , somewhere in her mid fifties , a plump woman , with missing teeth . A flowered dress and a silk nightgown were wrapped around the body , and then wrapped once more in a flannel blanket . Her head had been covered by a pillowcase . It did not take long to identify the victims . The three younger victims turned out to be prostitutes that Christie had invited back to the flat . They were Rita Nelson , aged 25 , Kathleen Maloney , aged 26 , and Hectorina McLennan , also aged 26 . The older woman who was found under the floor was Ethel Christie . The search of Number 10 continued the next day . Among the things found was an old tobacco tin which , when opened , was found to contain four tufts of pubic hair . None of the pubic hair matched the victims . In the garden , more searchers discovered a human femur , in plain view , propping up the sagging back fence . More bones were discovered , along with some hair and some parts of a dress . By the time the search was completed , they had two more victims , though one of them was missing a head . Both were female . It wasn 't long before both of the victims were identified . Ruth Fuerst was 21 years old when she disappeared . A tall girl at five - foot - eight , she had left Austria in 1939 to come to London . She went missing on August 24 , 1943 . Muriel Eady worked at Ultra Radio Works in 1944 . One day , the 32 year old met a fellow worker in the canteen . His name was Reg Christie . She vanished in October of that year . She was last seen wearing a black wool dress , just like the scraps of a dress that was found in the garden . Some hair that was found also matched Muriel 's . Six bodies were found in total , and now the hunt was on for Christie . John Reginald Halliday Christie was born on April 8 , 1899 , in an isolated house known as " Black Boy " in Turner Lane , Shibden , a small village a few miles east of Halifax , Yorkshire . According to Christie himself , he had a very rosy childhood . He enjoyed school , was excellent at math , and was good at games , especially soccer . He loved animals , a love that lasted all of his life , and at one point , he was an assistant Scout master and a member of the local choir . Christie 's father , Ernest John Christie , was feared in his home . He was a severe and tyrannical man whose temper would explode on the slightest annoyance . Reg was scared of his father and his grandfather . At the age of 8 , Reg experienced death for the first time , when his hated grandfather died . The body was laid out in the house for visitors to come and pay their respects and , like the rest of the family , Reg viewed the body . It must have been a revelation to Reg , that this man , who scared him so badly while he was alive , now didn 't scare him at all in death . It is likely that this is the moment when Reg saw that the dead cannot hurt you , and this lasted into his adult life . Soon after , Reg began playing in the local cemetery where he liked to look at the graves . In June , 1918 , Christie was caught in a mustard gas attack , and spent a month in hospital . According to Christie , he was blinded by the gas for three months and unable to talk for three and a half years because of the attack . There is no evidence of his blindness , and although he may have been unable to speak for a short while , it was more likely due to a psychological reason , and not a physical one . Even so , it could not have been for the length of time that he claimed as just seven weeks later he was declared fit enough for active duty . During his time in the army , Christie became a frequent customer of prostitutes . He discovered that as he didn 't have to please them or prove his manhood , he was able to perform normally . However , they had to be compliant and unresponsive for him to achieve erection and penetration . After he left the army , he met Ethel Simpson Waddington , a very passive girl , which suited Christie . On May 10 , 1920 , they married at Halifax Registry Office . But Christie 's sexual problems remained , and during their courtship , they never had sex at all . Christie , instead , continued to use the services of prostitutes for his sexual needs . In January , 1923 , he found himself in trouble again . This time , he was convicted of obtaining money by false pretences and violent conduct . For this , he received a sentence of 12 months probation . The following year , 1924 , he got nine months hard labor for stealing goods and money . By this time , Ethel was fed up with her husbands petty stealing and inability to hold down a job . She left him and moved in with relatives . Christie moved down to London . By 1929 , Christie was living in Battersea , South London , with a prostitute , and once more , Christie found himself in trouble . In what was described by the judge as a " murderous attack , " Christie had clubbed the prostitute across the head with a cricket bat . Yet , despite the severity of the attack , Christie was only sentenced to six months hard labor . While in prison , Christie got in touch with Ethel and asked if she would visit him . Ethel was lonely , and dismissing the past , came to see him . After Christie was released from prison , Ethel and Christie decided to put the past behind them and reconcile . They moved back in together . In 1934 , Christie was hit by a car while he was out cycling . Taken to hospital , he had to have an operation on his knee . Once again , playing for sympathy , he exaggerated his injuries , stating that he was unconscious for more than an hour , a fact that is not mentioned in hospital records . Christie , for the first time in his life , was in a position of power , and he used it . His neighbors began to dislike this man who abused his position and acted like a bully . He even got himself a new nickname , " The Himmler of Rillington Place . " While he was at Harrow Road , Christie met a married woman whose husband was fighting overseas , and he began to see her in secret , although whether there was a sexual relationship is unknown . The relationship lasted until the middle of 1943 , when the husband returned home unexpectedly and caught them together . Christie took a beating from the husband , and this may have been the trigger that started the murders . In 1943 , most likely after his beating , Christie , still a War Reserve policeman , visited a snack bar in Ladbroke Grove . He was there , supposedly , on police business , though he was actually off duty at the time . While there , he caught the eye of a 21 - year - old Austrian girl named Ruth Fuerst , who worked at a munitions factory and lived not far from Rillington Place . There is some suggestion , likely correct , that Ruth supplemented her income by working as a prostitute part time . Christie struck up a conversation with her , and a relationship began . Soon , they were meeting regularly , and one day in August , Christie took Ruth back to 10 Rillington Place . Ethel was away visiting relatives in Sheffield and Christie had the flat to himself . According to Christie , he and Ruth were in the bedroom at 10 Rillington Place when suddenly , " She undressed and wanted me to have intercourse with her . I got a telegram while she was there , saying that my wife was on her way home . The girl wanted us to team up together and go right away somewhere together . I would not do that . I got on the bed and had intercourse with her . I strangled her with a piece of rope . " The next day , Ethel 's brother left , and Ethel went off to work , leaving Christie to carry on with the disposal of his first victim . After removing the floorboards , he dragged Ruth out to the wash - house in the back and hid the body there . Then he began to dig a grave for her in the garden . Before he had finished , Ethel came home , and they had a cup of tea together . That night , after Ethel had gone to bed , Christie stayed up and carried on with his grisly task . When the hole was deep enough , he went to the wash - house and dragged the body of Ruth Fuerst over to the grave and dropped her in , along with her clothes . He then filled the hole and went to bed . Christie would later admit that he felt a powerful thrill as he looked down at his first victim . The next day , Christie raked over the area where he had buried the body , and accidentally pulled up some of the clothing . This he put in an old dustbin that was used for burning rubbish . Some months later , Christie accidentally dug up Ruth 's skull . This went into the dustbin as well , where it would eventually be discovered during the police search . Muriel suffered from bronchial catarrh and had told Christie about it . Christie had always liked to give the impression he had some medical knowledge , a claim supported by the " medical " books that he owned , which were really nothing more than books he had picked up as a first aid worker . Some even believed that he was a doctor who had been struck off for some reason . Christie told Muriel that he could help with her problem , and he invited her around the Rillington Place for some treatment . It was October , 1944 , and Ethel was , once again , away visiting relatives in Sheffield , leaving Christie home alone . It was the opportunity he had been waiting for . He invited Muriel around and made her a cup of tea , and then showed her the device that he would use to cure her of her problems with catarrh . It was a fairly simple device . A square jar with a metal lid held the special inhalant that smelled of Friar 's Balsam . The lid had two holes in it , and through these holes were two tubes . One of the tubes went down into the liquid while the other end trailed off around the back of the deck chair that she was to sit in . The other tube did not go into the liquid , and the other end was attached to a home made mask that the user would breathe through . As Muriel breathed deeply , Christie reached behind the chair . The other end of the tubing that went into the liquid was attached to the coal gas pipe . Christie released the gas , and Muriel , unable to smell the poisonous carbon monoxide gas because of the Friar 's Balsam , quickly went limp as consciousness faded away . The sexually aroused Christie began to strangle Muriel as he penetrated her body . Soon he was finished , and Muriel was dead . Christie had cured her catarrh , and any other ailment she may have been suffering from . Once again , he dragged the body out to the wash - house where it remained while he dug another grave in the garden . Muriel was buried not too far from where Ruth Fuerst lay . When , some time later , Christie managed to dig up her femur by accident , he just used it to prop up the sagging fence . It is probable that Christie felt a desire for Beryl Evans right from the beginning , he just had to bide his time . Timothy Evans was impressed with his soft spoken neighbor , who was obviously educated beyond Evans 's capabilities , especially as he had medical knowledge , or so he hinted . Christie showed Timothy his " medical " books , and Evans would believe anything Christie said . Christie had to have realized that here was a man who could be manipulated and easily tricked . And when the time came , Christie struck . With a second baby on the way , Beryl wanted to have an abortion , and who better to turn to than their neighbor , a respectable former policeman with medical expertise . He would surely help . But when Timothy Evans found out about Beryl 's plan to get rid of the baby , he wanted no part of it , and he told Christie that they were not interested in getting an abortion . Christie , seeing an opportunity slip away , tried to persuade him that everything would be okay , but Timothy still refused . But Beryl was still insistent , and would go through with it . A short while later , Timothy discovered that money he had been giving to Beryl for housekeeping had been spent on other things , and a serious argument broke out . Timothy threatened to leave , and Beryl told him to go . Instead , he went to the movies . There were workmen in the house the next day . They had been coming since the end of October , working on the wash - house and the roof , and ripping out walls and floors where Christie felt there was a problem . Kitchener was away in the hospital , and apart from the workmen , Christie and Beryl were alone in the house . According to Christie , he came upstairs to Beryl sometime around midday . She had made preparations by spreading out a quilt in front of the fire . When Christie came in , Beryl lay down upon it . Christie is then unclear about what happened next . In one account , Beryl went into a panic and Christie started to hit her . He then pulled out a cord and strangled her . In one of his accounts he says that he tried to have intercourse with her , but he couldn 't , and in another account , he states that he did have intercourse with her . He also stated that a short while before , Beryl had tried to kill herself with gas , and he had found her lying on the floor in front of the fire with the gas on . He opened the door and the windows to get rid of the gas , then made her a cup of tea and comforted her . According to Christie , the next day she asked him to help her commit suicide , and " she said she would do anything … I think she was referring to letting me be intimate with her . " Once again , the death was not his fault , she wanted to die . All he did was help her . " I turned the gas tap on and as near as I can make out I held it close to her face . When she became unconscious I turned the tap off . I was going to try to have intercourse with her but it was impossible . I couldn 't bend over . I think that is when I strangled her . " Which of his accounts , if any , is the true one is not clear , though it is more likely that he attempted sex but couldn 't do it as he was suffering from back pains at the time , making some movement difficult . Joan Vincent was a friend of Beryl 's , and around this time , she paid a call on her . She was surprised to find that the door to Beryl 's flat was closed , something Beryl never did . Joan knocked on the door but there was no answer , which was also a surprise as Beryl was usually home at this time . Joan tried the door , which opened a little and then was blocked . Joan said later that although there was no sound , she was certain that there was someone on the other side of the door , blocking it from opening . If this is true , then Christie must have been in a panic , but managed to show coolness under pressure . When Timothy arrived home from work that evening , he found Christie waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs . He told Evans to go up , he would follow behind . When they reached the top floor , Christie told Timothy that it was bad news . The abortion procedure didn 't work , and Beryl had died . Christie led the distraught Timothy into the bedroom where , lying on the bed and covered with a blanket , was the body of his wife , Beryl . Timothy was distressed and vulnerable , and open to suggestion . Christie persuaded Timothy that going to the police would just cause trouble for the both of them . Would that be fair on Christie , as all he had done was try to help , and abortion was illegal . As for Timothy , the arguments and the violence would surely point the finger at him for the death of his wife . Christie 's persuasiveness worked , Timothy would agree to whatever Christie said . Christie told Timothy that he would dispose of the body . First , they would both move it down into Kitchener 's empty flat and put the body in the kitchen . Christie would need Timothy 's help with this as he was unable to lift her on his own because of his bad back . Christie then told Timothy that he would get rid of the body later by putting it down the drain outside . Evans would have to leave and so he agreed to stay with his mother . However , he would take Geraldine with him . Christie said this was a bad idea . It would cause too much suspicion . People would see him with Geraldine and begin to wonder where Beryl was . Christie said that he would think of something . Timothy stayed in the flat overnight , and by the next day , Christie had come up with a solution . Christie knew of a young couple who were childless and desperately wanted a baby . They would take Geraldine and Timothy would be assured that she was being looked after . Timothy was to let people know that Beryl had gone away with Geraldine for a holiday . Timothy prepared Geraldine 's things for her move to a new home , having been told by Christie that the couple would be arriving sometime that day to collect her . Joan Vincent returned later that day and she started up the stairs to see Beryl . Christie , seeing her , headed her off and asked what she wanted . When she said that she 'd come to visit Beryl , Christie told her that Beryl and Geraldine had gone away . However , Joan could see the baby furniture and the pram . Christie said it would be better if she did not come back . When the builders finished their work and had left the premises , Christie got both bodies downstairs and out to the back . Beryl and Geraldine , now neatly wrapped in blankets and tablecloths , were hidden in the wash - house and covered with the floorboards that had been left by the workmen . They stayed there until they were discovered by the police on December 2 . After the execution of Timothy Evans , things began to change at 10 Rillington Place . Christie , always a hypochondriac , had become worse . He felt that he was being persecuted , and his mental state caused him to be examined at the Springfield Mental Hospital for a short while , where he was found by Dr . Petit to be " an insignificant , old womanish city man . Girlish voice , mincing walk . Latent homosexual , though not overt . " By 1952 , Christie had quit his job and was now home all the time , and Ethel was not visiting her relatives in Sheffield as much as she did in the past . Christie was frustrated . He wanted to kill again , he had not murdered anyone since Beryl over three years before , and there was an obstacle in his way . Ethel . On the morning of December 14 , 1952 , Christie strangled Ethel as she lay in bed . According to Christie , " I was awakened at about 8 : 15 a . m . I think it was my wife moving about in bed . I sat up and saw that she appeared to be convulsive . Her face was blue and she was choking . I did what I could to try to restore her breathing , but it was hopeless . It appeared too late to call for assistance , that is when I couldn 't bear to see her , so I got a stocking and tied it around her neck to put her to sleep . " He added he had no idea what it was that were causing his wife to have convulsions , but as he got out of bed after her death , he " saw a small bottle and a cup half - full of water on a small table near the bed . I noticed that the bottle contained two pheno - barbitone tablets and it originally contained twenty - five . I knew then that she must have taken the remainder . " Ethel 's post mortem , however , showed no trace of pills in her stomach . He left her in bed for three days as he did not know what to do with her , but then remembered the loose floorboards in the living room , where Ruth Fuerst once spent the night . Christie also began sending out letters from Ethel to relatives that she had written but had not gotten around to mailing before she was killed . Christie changed the date on them to make it appear they were written later . In subsequent letters , he wrote them himself , explaining that Ethel 's rheumatism prevented her from writing and that she was dictating them to him . Christie had been unemployed since December 6 , and needed money . He sold Ethel 's wedding ring and her watch , and started to sell off the furniture . Each week , he went down to the Labour Exchange to collect unemployment benefits , and on January 26 , 1953 , he forged Ethel 's signature and went to the bank where he emptied her account . Sometime between January 2 and 19 , 1953 , Christie had a chance meeting with 25 - year - old Rita Nelson , a prostitute who was six months pregnant . It 's likely that she met Christie in a pub , and once again pretending to have medical knowledge , he persuaded Rita that he could abort the unwanted child . Rita came round to Rillington Place where , as he did with Muriel Eady , had Rita sit in a chair while he helped her put on the gas mask . Once unconscious , her fate was the same as the previous victims , pulled to the floor and raped as he strangled her to death . Christie 's version is different . I lived in the flat and one evening I went up Ladbroke Grove to get some fish and chips for the animals . I had a dog and a cat . On the way back , in Ladbroke Grove , a drunken woman stood in front of me and demanded a pound for me to take her round the corner . I said . ' I am not interested and I haven 't got money to throw away . ' I 'm not like that . I haven 't had intercourse with any women for over two years , my doctor will tell you that . He is Doctor Odess , Colville Square . She then demanded 30 shillings and said she would scream and say I had interfered with her if I didn 't give it to her . I walked away as I am so well known around there and she would have obviously caused a scene . She came along , she wouldn 't go and she came right to the door still demanding 30 shillings . When I opened the door she forced her way in . I went to the kitchen and she was still on about this 30 shillings . I tried to get her out and she picked up a frying pan to hit me . I closed with her and there was a struggle and she fell back on the chair . It was a deck chair . There was a piece of rope hanging from the chair . I don 't know what happened but I must have gone haywire . The next thing I remember she was lying in the chair with the rope round her neck . I don 't remember taking it off . It couldn 't have been tied . I left her there and went into the front room . After that I believe I had a cup of tea and went to bed . A few days after the death of Rita Nelson , Christie went into a café in Notting Hill . The café was crowded and Christie had to share a table with two young women . The two women were talking about their search for a suitable flat for accommodation . Christie gave his account of the meeting . I went into a café in Notting Hill for a cup of tea and a sandwich . The café was pretty full ; there wasn 't much space . Two girls sat at a table and I sat opposite at the same table . They were talking about rooms , where they had been looking to get accommodation . Then one of them spoke to me . She asked me for a cigarette and then started a conversation . During the conversation , I mentioned about leaving my flat and that it would be vacant very soon , and they suggested coming down together to see it in the evening . Only one came down . The one that came down was 26 - year - old Kathleen Maloney , a part time prostitute and nude model . How he got her to sit in the chair while he gassed her is unknown , but as her post mortem showed that she had been drinking heavily , it is likely that she was drunk enough for Christie to handle her with some ease and get the mask over her face . Once again , Christie 's version is self serving . She looked over the flat . She said it would be suitable subject to the landlord 's permission . It was then that she made suggestions that she would visit me for a few days . She said this so that I would use my influence with the landlord as a sort of payment of kind . I was rather annoyed and told her that it didn 't interest me . I think she started saying I was making accusations against her when she saw there was nothing doing . She said that she would bring someone down to me . I believe it was then that she mentioned something about Irish blood . She was in a violent temper . I remember she started fighting . I am very quiet and avoid fighting . I know there was something , it 's in the back of my mind . She was on the floor . I must have put her in the alcove straight away . Hectorina McLennan was Christie 's final victim . On March 3 , the 26 year old was leaving a café with her boyfriend , a man named Baker , when they bumped into Christie . As Baker crossed over the road to chat with a friend , Christie struck up a conversation with Hectorina . During the conversation , she told Christie that she and Baker had just been evicted from their flat and were looking for somewhere else to stay . Christie , no doubt seeing an opportunity , offered them both accommodations at his home for a few days until they could find somewhere more suitable . The girl came back alone . She asked if he had called and I said ' No ' , but I was expecting him . She said she would wait , but I told her she couldn 't and that he may be looking for her , and that she must go and that she couldn 't stay there alone . She was very funny about it . I got hold of her arm and tried to lead her out . I pushed her out of the kitchen . She started struggling like anything and some of her clothing got torn . She then sort of fell limp as I got hold of her . She sank to the ground and I think that some of her clothing must have got caught around her neck in the struggle . She was just out of the kitchen in the passageway . I tried to lift her up but couldn 't . I then pulled her into the kitchen on to a chair . I felt her pulse , but it wasn 't beating . I pulled the cupboard away again and I must have put her in there . The Hunt for the Monster of Rillington Place Christie went to a Rowton House , a hostel for working men , in Kings Cross , where he paid for lodging for seven days , using his real name . But when the news of what had been discovered at Rillington Place hit the headlines , Christie left . For the rest of the time , he wandered around London , sleeping rough and spending most of his time in cafés and movie theatres . Norman Rae was the chief crime reporter for the News Of The World newspaper , and he remembered the Evans case very well , having covered it for the newspaper three years earlier . As with all of the newspapers , the News Of The World was considering the Evans 's side of the story , and Rae was about to become personally involved . It was late at night on March 29 when Rae 's telephone rang at the News Of The World office . Rae picked it up . On the other end , a whispery voice asked Rae if he remembered him . Rae remembered him very well ; he had interviewed Christie three years earlier when he covered the Evans killings . Christie wanted to give Rae an exclusive , and offered to meet a few hours later outside Wood Green Town Hall . Rae said that he would be there . Rae , along with a driver , got over to Wood Green and waited in the darkened car for Christie to show . Soon , there was movement , and Christie appeared in the shadows . On the last day of March , Christie was on the bank of the Thames at Putney Embankment , leaning over the railing and looking at the river . A police constable named Thomas Ledger walked past and thought the man looked suspicious . Ledger stopped and asked the man his name . " John Waddington " replied the man , and said he was 35 years old and was waiting to get his unemployment cards . Ledger asked the man to remove his hat . Once Ledger got a good look at him , with his bald head and his whispering voice , he knew who stood in front of him . Ledger arrested him and took him to Putney Police Station in a police van that happened to be passing at the right moment . Realizing that the pretense would do no good , " John Waddington " gave his real name . John Reginald Halliday Christie , the monster of Rillington Place , had been captured . Over the following few months , Christie would confess to his crimes on three separate occasions . His confessions , though essentially true in that he was the murderer , were designed to show him in the best light , and his explanations as to how and why the killings took place were self serving . Facts were altered , some details were exaggerated , and some details were conveniently forgotten . He gave an account of his life to the Sunday Pictorial newspaper in which he claimed that a powerful and mysterious force that he couldn 't control made him commit the murders . He tried to present himself as someone who was forced to kill his victims by the victims themselves . Ruth asked for it by stripping off and demanding sex . Beryl wanted to commit suicide , all he did was help . His last three victims were violent and the deaths were self defense . Even Ethel 's death was a mercy killing . The truth was that Ethel was in the way , and Christie wanted to pursue his murderous hobby . It also may have been that Ethel had put two and two together , and was beginning to suspect that he may have had a hand in the death of Beryl Evans . Muriel Eady was the only one of his victims that he didn 't blame for her own death . And he never admitted , not officially anyway , that he was responsible for the death of Geraldine Evans . But he couldn 't , not if his defense plan was going to work . With all of his victims , it was their own fault , or , in the case of Ethel , it was a mercy killing . The prostitutes provoked him with their overt sexual attempts or their violent attacks on him , and Beryl wanted to die anyway . None of these excuses could be placed on a 13 - month - old little girl . The truth was that Geraldine was murdered simply to get rid of a problem . If Beryl and Geraldine disappeared , then it could be assumed that they had just left , with Beryl fed up with Timothy and taking the baby with her . If Timothy and Geraldine were together , then people would start asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Beryl , and the truth could come out . The trail could have led back to Christie . So Geraldine had to go . The facts as stated by the prosecution showed a man who was devious , who tried to conceal the murder of his wife by hiding the body underneath the floorboards , who tried to convince others through forged letters that she was still alive . This was a man who had forged his wife 's signature in order to obtain the contents of her bank account by deceit , and then forged her signature to a receipt to say that she had received it . This man had told people that she was with her relatives in Sheffield , and he had told the person to whom he sold the furniture that she had gone away and that he was joining her later . The defense chose to bring into evidence the other killings , which may prove that he was insane . The defense maintained that although Christie knew what he was doing , he did not know that it was wrong . Christie was called on to testify , and throughout his story , he would mumble , or refuse to speak , and answered many of the questions with , " I don 't know " or " I cannot remember . " The prosecution called its psychiatrist for the rebuttal . In his opinion , Christie knew that what he was doing was wrong , he just didn 't care . A second psychiatrist told the court that the " falsification of memory " in which he cannot remember specific details of the murders , which the defense put forth as further proof of insanity , were merely Christie 's attempts to deliberately hide the truth . His lapses of memory were only apparent when it was convenient for him not to remember something that was damning , but his memory appeared to be perfectly sound when he was remembering anything that was of benefit to his defense . The defense had a weak case . It tried to convince the jury that the murder of Ethel Christie was completely motiveless , and only a madman would kill for no reason . Yet a reason had come up . The motive for the murder of Ethel Christie was a by - product of lust . Christie needed Ethel out of the way to continue his lustful killings of the other women . On July 15 , just 20 days after the judge read the sentence , Christie faced the noose at Pentonville Prison , the same noose that Timothy Evans faced just over three years before . With his arms bound , Christie complained that his nose was itchy . The hangman , Albert Pierrepoint reassured Christie , " It won 't bother you for long . " Did Christie kill more than eight people ? It seems likely that these were not his only victims . As a wartime policeman , there would be many opportunities to kill and get rid of the body in a bombed building . The four clumps of pubic hair that didn 't belong to any known victims would point to there being others . And the gaps between killings are long , which is also unusual . But these are questions that can never be answered . For the residents of Rillington Place , life became a nightmare . Sightseers flocked to see the infamous house , crowding the already narrow cul - de - sac . Mrs . Sarah McFadden , the resident at number 3 , organized a petition , which was signed by 83 residents , asking for a change to the street name . It was presented to the council on May 19 , 1953 . Although the council felt that the name change would make no difference to the sightseers , the name was finally changed in May the following year , to Ruston Close . As the council suspected , it didn 't stop the sightseers . But there was a problem , the police had not done their job . The fact was the police investigation into the deaths of Beryl and Geraldine was a mess . When Evans told the police in Wales that he had disposed of his wife , they were certain that he was responsible . The fact that it took three men to lift the cover on the drain showed that Evans was a liar . The police , believing that they had their man , were determined that he should not escape justice . Evans , after being told that his wife 's body was not where he told them it would be , told them that Christie did it . The police decided that this was just to shift the blame . They may have been right , but they should still have checked Christie 's background , just to be on the safe side . If they had , Christie past convictions , including one for the " murderous attack " on a woman , would have come to light , and Christie would not have been regarded as the decent and upstanding citizen that he pretended to be . But beyond that , there were other aspects of the " investigation " that were , at best , criminally negligent . While searching for Beryl 's body in the garden , the police failed to notice a human thigh bone propping up the sagging fence , even though the garden was , supposedly , examined . Some other bones were visible , thanks to Christie 's dog having dug them up . Shortly after the police search , the dog pulled up the skull of Muriel Eady . Christie slipped it under his coat and walked past the policemen waiting outside the house and threw it into a bombed out house in St . Mark 's Road , where it was discovered shortly after . It was handed in to the police , who decided it was a bomb victim . Why did they not question the fact that the house had been bombed eight or nine years before , but the skull only discovered now ? Why did they not consider it to be too much of a coincidence that they find a skull at the same time as they are looking for a body just around the corner ? It defied explanation . The discovery of the clipping concerning the Stanley Setty murder told the police that Evans was going to get rid of the bodies in the same manner . Why would he have a clipping otherwise . The problem was , why would he have a clipping at all , he couldn 't read , it would have been indecipherable to him . But Christie was known to be an avid clipper . The bodies of Beryl and Geraldine were found in the wash - house on December 2 , and had been dead for three weeks . That , according to the police thinking , is where Evans left them . But the workmen who had been doing work there since October had been using the wash - house to store their tools , and the bodies were certainly not there during that time . The workmen had only finished using the wash - house the day before the bodies were discovered . The workmen also stated that the wood that was used to cover the bodies was from floorboards that had been taken up after Evans had left , and the wood had been given to Christie . With this evidence , the guilt of Timothy Evans should have been , at the very least , questioned . He couldn 't have moved the bodies to the wash - house the day before ; he was already in police custody . But the confessions were proof that Evans committed the murders . They were very detailed and accurate , he knew where the bodies were , he knew how they had been killed , and he knew what they were wearing . How could he know so much detail if he was not the killer . The fact was that all of these details were already known to the police , and the police coached Evans in what to say during the confession . Evans was fearful of the police , there had been hints of violence if he didn 't come clean , and with this threat over him Evans was scared that he would be hurt . As they fed him the details of the murders , he agreed that it was so , and after a long night of interrogation ( and not the 75 minutes that the police stated it took ) , Evans had confessed to a murder that he didn 't commit in details that should have been known only to the killer . But the workmen who were at 10 Rillington Place were never called . In addition , the police re - interviewed the workmen , and managed to get some of them at least to change their story to fit in with the theory that Evans killed his family . According to one source , they even produced a photograph of a dead baby ( not connected to the case ) to manipulate the workers emotionally . In his summing up , the judge presented the jury with two options . Either Dr . Teare , the pathologist was lying about the post mortem results , or Evans was lying . He pointed out that Evans had a reputation and a record as a habitual liar , and pointed out the luminous reputation of Christie . The newspaper cutting about the Setty murder was referred to in the inquiry , showing that Evans probably planned to dispose of the bodies in the same manner . The fact that Evans was illiterate and couldn 't read , and that Christie was known to be an avid newspaper clipper , was also dismissed . Other evidence that would have pointed to Evans being innocent of the charge was also ignored . In Parliament , the report was viciously attacked . Geoffrey Bing , QC , the MP for Hornchurch delivered what , at the time , was called by Michael Foot , " one of the most formidable which has been delivered in this house for many years . " Bing stated , " The whole of the report was shot through with prejudice and evidence of all sorts of irregularities . " Michael Foot said it was not worth the paper it had been written on , and Reginald Paget said that it deliberately concealed the truth and was dishonest . One man stood up and gave his support to a growing campaign for justice for Timothy Evans . He was James Chuter Ede , later Baron Chuter - Ede , who in 1950 was the Home Secretary at the time of Evans ' execution . He concluded that a terrible mistake had been made . In 1955 , The Man on Your Conscience was published . Written by Michael Eddowes , it was the first important book on the case , and generated a renewed interest . Four influential editors , Ian Gilmour of The Spectator , John Grigg of The National and English Review , Sir Lynton Andrews of The Yorkshire Post , and David Astor of The Observer petitioned the Home secretary for a new inquiry . It was denied . Kennedy also stressed the evidence given by Dr . Teare that there were signs of sexual penetration of Beryl 's body , suggesting the murderer was sexually aroused by the act of killing , and possibly a necrophiliac . This evidence was suppressed by Evans 's own defense . Had this come up in court , it would have removed some suspicion from Evans who may have been short tempered and violent , but was certainly not a necrophiliac , and would not have had sex with his wife 's body . By now , Britain had a new Home Secretary , R . A . Butler . The campaigners , including Labour MP Sir Frank Soskice , asked for a new inquiry , and Butler said that he would examine the evidence that was presented in the book . Just over seven weeks later , Butler made his decision . No inquiry . With the Governments reversed , Labour , after years of vociferous campaigning for the inquiry , took on the former Governments position and was now refusing it . The Conservative 's , in their turn , took up Labour 's former stance , and were now pushing for an inquiry . " I do not think that an inquiry would serve any useful purpose at this stage . I think it would be kinder not to express views one way or the other . " said Soskice . Herbert Wolfe was a German refugee living in Darlington , who had arrived in Britain in 1933 to escape what was happening in his own country . To him , the concept of British justice was precious and something that should not be taken for granted . He had read Kennedy 's book and , convinced of the innocence of Timothy Evans , wrote an article that he sent to the editor of his local paper , The Northern Echo . Darlington is far from London , and the local paper could hardly have any influence on the Government . But the editor happened to be Harold Evans , an exceptional journalist who would go on to become editor of The Sunday Times and is now editor at large for Reuters . He said , " After receiving Wolfe 's article , I got hold of Kennedy 's book . I read it on the train to London , and became so angry I wanted to pull the communication cord . I thought , this is an outrage ; something must be done about it . " Every day , for months , Evans published something about the case . He produced pamphlets , while Wolfe ceaselessly telephoned people about the case . On July 28 , 1965 , with Ludovic Kennedy as its chairman , the Timothy Evans committee was formed . With the press coverage that was generated , Evans pressed the Prime Minister Harold Wilson , who capitulated and promised that the Government would do something . The conclusion was bizarre . Christie , the report decided , did kill Geraldine Evans , but Timothy killed Beryl . Despite this astonishing conclusion , the report did agree that a jury could not have convicted Evans on any murder if all of the available evidence had been presented in court . Mary Westlake , Evans ' half - sister , and his sister Eileen Ashby , were awarded payment as compensation for their brothers ' miscarriage of justice , in January 2003 . Lord Brennan , the independent assessor for the Home Office , stated that " the conviction and execution of Timothy Evans for the murder of his child was wrongful and a miscarriage of justice . " He went on to add , " there is no evidence to implicate Timothy Evans in the murder of his wife . She was most probably murdered by Christie . " Brennan believed that Brabin 's conclusion that Evans murdered Beryl should be rejected . The following year , on November 16 , Mary Westlake appealed to the High Court . She wanted them to overturn a decision made by the Criminal Cases Review Commission not to refer Evans 's case to the Court of Appeal . Her argument was that though he had been pardoned , it had not formally erased his conviction for murder . The Evans Case Helps Fire the Anti - Death Penalty Movement in Great Britain Although the case of Timothy Evans was a boost to those who were opposed to capital punishment , it wasn 't the only one to have an impact , and it wasn 't , as some have thought , one of the cases that started the abolition campaign . The truth is that the abolition question had been around for several decades . However there is no doubt that the Evans case was of major importance for those wishing to end the practice . Capital punishment was suspended as a five year experiment , and became permanent in 1969 . But this was only for murder . Until 1971 , the death penalty remained for causing a fire or explosion in a naval dockyard , and remained until 1981 for espionage . Piracy that included violence was still a hanging crime until 1998 , as was treason and various offenses within the military . AboutWith the purpose of writing about true crime in an authoritative , fact - based manner , veteran journalists J . J . Maloney and J . Patrick O ' Connor launched Crime Magazine in November of 1998 . Their goal was to cover all aspects of true crime : Read More

John Reginald Halliday Christie Serial Killer Reg Christie pinned one of his eight murders on the witless Timothy Evans before he was discovered to be the " Monster of 10 Rillington Place . " Evans 's execution by hanging - and his posthumous pardon - helped lead to the abolishment of the death penalty in Great Britain . by Mark Pulham When most people think of Notting Hill , there are a few things that first come to mind . One could be the Notting Hill carnival , a colorful event held every year by the West Indian community and , after Rio , the second largest street carnival in the world . Or it may be Portobello Road , home to the worlds largest Antiques Market , held every Saturday , and also the home to the Portobello Film Festival , where over 700 films have had their premiers . Rillington Place was a typical street in the area . Number 10 was a narrow , dreary , and depressing house at the end of a narrow , dreary , and depressing cul - de - sac . Built probably around 1869 , it was a grimy and cramped house that had been , like many others , split into three flats , one on each floor . At the beginning of 1948 , only two of the flats were occupied . In the ground floor flat lived the Christies , Reg and Ethel . Their flat consisted of a front living room , a back bedroom , and a kitchen , which included a pantry or cupboard . A passageway led from the front door of the house through to the back door , splitting the Christie 's kitchen from their other rooms . Outside , there was a small wash - house with a sink and a boiler , where the occupants could do small amounts of laundry . Also outside was the only lavatory , which everyone had to use . Access to both of these was through the passageway that separated the Christie 's kitchen from the rest of their flat . Even before he was born , he had lost someone . His father , Daniel , had walked out on his pregnant wife Thomasina and their daughter , 3 - year - old Eileen . Nothing was heard from Daniel again . Young Timothy had problems as a child . He would have unmanageable tantrums and had trouble learning to speak . He also had a low IQ and had great difficulty learning anything at school . To make matters worse , at the age of 8 , he suffered an injury to his right foot and he developed a tubular plantar wart . It never healed completely , and much of his time was spent at the hospital , which only added to his lack of education . Timothy 's older sister , Eileen , had found a place for them . It wasn 't too far away , just around the corner in Rillington Place . The young couple moved into number 10 . On October 10 , 1948 , at Queen Charlotte 's Maternity Hospital , Beryl gave birth to a baby daughter who they named Geraldine . Her arrival could not have helped . There was now less space in the small two roomed flat , and Timothy 's wages were barely enough to cover the two of them , let alone a baby as well . He told them that he had disposed of his wife . Her body had been put down a drain outside his home in London . The police took him to Merthyr Tydfil police station where Detective Sergeant Gough and Detective Constable Evans took a statement . According to Timothy , it had all been an accident . Beryl was anxious to have the second pregnancy terminated , but abortion was illegal in Britain at that time . Timothy told the police that he met a man in the pub who told him he had something that would do the trick . If Beryl took it , it would cause an abortion . The man gave him a bottle which contained some mixture for Beryl to drink . It took three of them to lift the manhole cover , a sign in itself that Evans was lying , there was no way a man of his short stature could have lifted the cover alone . They looked down the drain and could see that there was no body down there . In any case , the drain was too narrow for a body to fit . Evans had to be lying . The police at Merthyr Tydfil were informed that nothing was found , and they told Timothy . He was then questioned again . Timothy changed his story , saying he may as well tell them the truth . He now told them that Beryl had died when their ground floor neighbor , Reg Christie , had tried to give her an abortion . Reg said that the last time he saw Beryl Evans was on Tuesday , November 8 . It was around midday and he saw her go out with Geraldine . He said that she looked scared about something . That same night , around midnight , he and Ethel were woken up by noises coming from upstairs , thumping sounds , as if someone was moving stuff around . It couldn 't have been Mr . Kitchener , Reg explained , as he was in the hospital . It had to have come from Evans 's flat . As the noise didn 't last for very long , they thought no more about it , and both went back to sleep . The following day , Evans came down to see the Christies . He explained to them that he was upset with his boss at work and had quit his van driver job . According to Christie , he was going to move to Bristol to be with Beryl , and so he had decided to sell all of his furniture . Evans had also been around to see his mother , and to her , he told a different story . He told her that Beryl had gone , not to Bristol , but to Brighton , to see her father . This seemed odd to Timothy 's mother . She knew that Beryl and her father did not get along . Why would she go there ? The Notting Hill Police , their suspicions aroused , did a quick search of the house and the garden , but nothing much was found . The only thing of significance was a newspaper clipping found in the Evans 's flat . The clipping was about the recent Stanley Setty murder case . The month before , Setty 's neatly wrapped torso had been discovered in some marshes in Essex . Had Timothy Evans done the same with his wife ? A briefcase was also found in the Evans flat , and it turned out to be stolen . Informed of the briefcase , the Merthyr Tydfil police charged Evans with theft and he was to be returned to London . The theft charge allowed the police to hold him while the search for Beryl continued . On December 2 , the police returned to number 10 , and the search this time produced grisly results . They tried to get into the tiny wash - house at the back of the building , but the door had become stuck . Ethel found a piece of metal that could be used to pry the door open and gave it to the police . They forced the door open and looked inside . It was dark in the wash - house , but they could see that there was some wood stacked up against the sink . One of the officers felt behind the wood and could feel some sort of package . The wood was removed and they found what appeared to be a large parcel wrapped up in a green tablecloth . They turned to Ethel and asked her what it may be , and she told them she had never seen it before . The police pulled the package out and untied the cord that was holding the package together . No sooner was the package loosened when out slipped a pair of feet . Unwrapped , the package revealed the moldering corpse of Beryl Evans . She had been beaten and strangled . The bodies were taken to Kensington Mortuary where the Home Office pathologist conducted the post mortems . Bruising over the right eye and on the lip showed that Beryl had been hit , probably more than once , and then she had been strangled with cord or rope . There was no evidence that any attempt at an abortion had taken place , though there was some bruising inside the vagina , indicating there may have been an attempt at sex . Timothy Evans was returned to London . He believed he was going to be questioned about the stolen briefcase that had been found in his flat . However , when he arrived at the train station accompanied by police officers , there were photographers waiting to take pictures of him . It was clear to Evans that this was not about the briefcase . She was incurring one debt after another and I could not stand it any longer , so I strangled her with a piece of rope and took her down to the flat below the same night whilst the old man [ Mr . Kitchener ] was in hospital . I waited until the Christies downstairs had gone to bed , then I took her to the wash - house after midnight . This was on Tuesday 8 November . On Thursday evening after I came home from work I strangled my baby in our bedroom with my tie and later that night I took her down into the wash - house after the Christies had gone to bed . Later , Timothy Evans would make a longer confession that , according to the police , took 75 minutes to write and read back to him . This confession goes into greater detail about the murders . He told of how he got angry and how he hit Beryl , and then , in an uncontrollable fit of temper , he strangled her . He told of how he got her body downstairs and into the wash - house and used the wood to cover her body before locking the door . The trial of Timothy Evans began on January 11 , 1950 at the Old Bailey . Unlike the present day , in the 1950 's you could only be tried for one murder at a time . Mr . Christmas Humphries was the prosecutor , and he wanted to avoid the defense motive of provocation that the defense would surely put forth if the trial was for the murder of Beryl Evans . With Geraldine , there could be no such motive , and so , although the murder of Beryl would be included in the testimony , the trial was for the murder of his 13 - month old - daughter . The prosecution 's case was simple . Evans and Beryl were in a difficult relationship . Their marriage was under a great deal of strain , with little money coming in , a baby to feed and clothe , and now , a second baby on the way . Dr . Teare gave his evidence , and Christie was also called by the prosecution . With Christie , Morris thought he saw a way to help with the defense . He had discovered that Christie had some past criminal convictions and hoped that would at least discredit him as a witness . It didn 't work . It did the opposite . Christie , for all his past faults , had not been in any trouble for the past 17 years . The jury was impressed by this man and the fact that he had turned his life around to become a model citizen . Reg Christie was a war hero , having been gassed during the First World War , which had left him with his soft voice . He had also been a War reserve policeman during World War Two . But the evidence was all against him . Evans had described the murders in precise and accurate detail , because , the prosecution pointed out , he was the one who committed the murders . Only the killer would know the details so clearly . Morris pointed to the second confession given by Evans in which he implicated Christie . Morris hoped that it would confuse the issue and raise a reasonable doubt . But it was useless . Evans was a known liar , he was a known drunk , he was known to be violent , and he was known to have a short temper . He 'd admitted to the murders in more than one statement . The jury filed out of the courtroom for its deliberations , but was back within 40 minutes . The verdict , reached swiftly , was a foregone conclusion . Timothy John Evans was found guilty on the charge of murdering his 13 - month - old daughter . The sentence was death by hanging . Christie , still in the courtroom , burst into a flood of tears . Other news quickly replaced that rapidly dwindling interest in the killings . That same year , in July , Sainsbury 's opened the first purpose built supermarket , and in August , Princess Elizabeth gave birth to her second child , Princess Anne . In November , George Bernard Shaw died at the age of 94 . In addition to the top flat now being empty after the murders , the second floor flat was also vacant as Charles Kitchener had also moved out . Ethel Christie also wanted to move away , the new tenants scared her , and Reg had gone into a depression after the trial . Reg had also lost his job , thanks to some of the disclosures about his convictions that were revealed at the trial . By the end of 1952 , Reg was living alone . Reg had found a new job up in Sheffield , and Ethel had already left , having relatives there . Reg would join her later . Reg was desperate to move out and sold all of his furniture . He stayed in the unfurnished flat well into March 1953 , when he met a woman named Reilly . She told Christie that she was looking for a flat to rent , and Christie said that she could have his . She came round with her husband and had a look at the flat . They thought it would suit them , and Christie took three months rent in advance off them . Christie then borrowed a suitcase from them , put the last of his things in it , and left on March 20 , 1953 . The Reilly 's didn 't get much of a chance to settle in . The next day , the landlord came around and was surprised to find them there . He was angry ; Christie had no right to rent the place out as it wasn 't his . Beresford liked music while he worked , and so the first thing he wanted to do was put up a shelf so he had somewhere to put his radio . He began to tap on the walls to find a suitable spot , and one part of the wall sounded hollow . There had to be some sort of space behind the wall . At the edge , some of the wallpaper was coming away and he pulled on that . He found the door that led to the pantry or cupboard . He managed to get the door partly open , and then he grabbed his flashlight and looked through the crack in the door . What he saw made him reel back in horror . The beam from his flashlight had revealed a woman sitting there , her back toward him . She was semi - naked and obviously dead . Beresford called the police . Several officers arrived and the door to the pantry was opened . The woman sat with her back toward them , leaning forward . The police took her out and moved her to the front room for examination . She was wearing only a bra , a garter belt , and stockings . Her wrists had been bound together by a handkerchief tied in a reef knot , and some clothing had been wedged between her legs to act as a diaper to absorb seepage from her vagina and rectum . There was another object in the cupboard , wrapped in a blanket . The police removed it , and found that it was the body of a second woman . In the cupboard , she had been placed upside down on her head and leaned against the wall . The police were not finished yet . They removed a third body , like the second placed upside down in the cupboard . This victim had her ankles bound , this time with electrical cord , and once again , a reef knot was used . Also tied with a reef knot was the cloth used to cover her head . If the police felt relieved and thought that it was now over , that relief was short lived . Noticing that the floorboards in the living room were loose , the police took them up . There was some loose rubble underneath and , after a short dig , they found the remains of a fourth woman . Back at the mortuary , the post mortems began . The first body to be found was that of a brunette in her early to mid twenties . She had been dead for around four weeks , killed by a combination of carbon monoxide poisoning and strangulation . It was determined that she had been suffering from the effects of the carbon monoxide gas when she was strangled with a smooth surfaced cord . There were scratch marks along her back which indicated that she had been dragged along the floor after she was dead . There were also indications that sexual intercourse had also taken place . The next body was also in her mid - twenties with light brown hair . She seemed to have been in good health when she died . She had a pinkish color to her , which indicated that she too had been poisoned with carbon monoxide gas . Like the first , she had also been strangled . She showed signs of heavy drinking on the day that she had died , and she had also had sexual intercourse , either just before or just after she had died . She was wearing a cardigan and a vest , and another vest had been placed between her legs to act as a diaper . She had been dead somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks . The third body , this time a blonde , was , like the first two , in her mid - twenties . Once more , the pinkness of the corpse indicated that she had been gassed before strangulation had taken place . This victim wore a dress , a petticoat , two vests , a bra , and a cardigan . Once more , there was a piece of cloth between the legs to act as a diaper . This victim was also six months pregnant . Once again , sexual intercourse seemed to have occurred either just before or just after death . When the fourth body arrived the next morning , it was clear that there was a significant difference between this one and the first three . First of all , she was older , somewhere in her mid fifties , a plump woman , with missing teeth . A flowered dress and a silk nightgown were wrapped around the body , and then wrapped once more in a flannel blanket . Her head had been covered by a pillowcase . It did not take long to identify the victims . The three younger victims turned out to be prostitutes that Christie had invited back to the flat . They were Rita Nelson , aged 25 , Kathleen Maloney , aged 26 , and Hectorina McLennan , also aged 26 . The older woman who was found under the floor was Ethel Christie . The search of Number 10 continued the next day . Among the things found was an old tobacco tin which , when opened , was found to contain four tufts of pubic hair . None of the pubic hair matched the victims . In the garden , more searchers discovered a human femur , in plain view , propping up the sagging back fence . More bones were discovered , along with some hair and some parts of a dress . By the time the search was completed , they had two more victims , though one of them was missing a head . Both were female . It wasn 't long before both of the victims were identified . Ruth Fuerst was 21 years old when she disappeared . A tall girl at five - foot - eight , she had left Austria in 1939 to come to London . She went missing on August 24 , 1943 . Muriel Eady worked at Ultra Radio Works in 1944 . One day , the 32 year old met a fellow worker in the canteen . His name was Reg Christie . She vanished in October of that year . She was last seen wearing a black wool dress , just like the scraps of a dress that was found in the garden . Some hair that was found also matched Muriel 's . Six bodies were found in total , and now the hunt was on for Christie . John Reginald Halliday Christie was born on April 8 , 1899 , in an isolated house known as " Black Boy " in Turner Lane , Shibden , a small village a few miles east of Halifax , Yorkshire . According to Christie himself , he had a very rosy childhood . He enjoyed school , was excellent at math , and was good at games , especially soccer . He loved animals , a love that lasted all of his life , and at one point , he was an assistant Scout master and a member of the local choir . Christie 's father , Ernest John Christie , was feared in his home . He was a severe and tyrannical man whose temper would explode on the slightest annoyance . Reg was scared of his father and his grandfather . At the age of 8 , Reg experienced death for the first time , when his hated grandfather died . The body was laid out in the house for visitors to come and pay their respects and , like the rest of the family , Reg viewed the body . It must have been a revelation to Reg , that this man , who scared him so badly while he was alive , now didn 't scare him at all in death . It is likely that this is the moment when Reg saw that the dead cannot hurt you , and this lasted into his adult life . Soon after , Reg began playing in the local cemetery where he liked to look at the graves . In June , 1918 , Christie was caught in a mustard gas attack , and spent a month in hospital . According to Christie , he was blinded by the gas for three months and unable to talk for three and a half years because of the attack . There is no evidence of his blindness , and although he may have been unable to speak for a short while , it was more likely due to a psychological reason , and not a physical one . Even so , it could not have been for the length of time that he claimed as just seven weeks later he was declared fit enough for active duty . During his time in the army , Christie became a frequent customer of prostitutes . He discovered that as he didn 't have to please them or prove his manhood , he was able to perform normally . However , they had to be compliant and unresponsive for him to achieve erection and penetration . After he left the army , he met Ethel Simpson Waddington , a very passive girl , which suited Christie . On May 10 , 1920 , they married at Halifax Registry Office . But Christie 's sexual problems remained , and during their courtship , they never had sex at all . Christie , instead , continued to use the services of prostitutes for his sexual needs . In January , 1923 , he found himself in trouble again . This time , he was convicted of obtaining money by false pretences and violent conduct . For this , he received a sentence of 12 months probation . The following year , 1924 , he got nine months hard labor for stealing goods and money . By this time , Ethel was fed up with her husbands petty stealing and inability to hold down a job . She left him and moved in with relatives . Christie moved down to London . By 1929 , Christie was living in Battersea , South London , with a prostitute , and once more , Christie found himself in trouble . In what was described by the judge as a " murderous attack , " Christie had clubbed the prostitute across the head with a cricket bat . Yet , despite the severity of the attack , Christie was only sentenced to six months hard labor . While in prison , Christie got in touch with Ethel and asked if she would visit him . Ethel was lonely , and dismissing the past , came to see him . After Christie was released from prison , Ethel and Christie decided to put the past behind them and reconcile . They moved back in together . In 1934 , Christie was hit by a car while he was out cycling . Taken to hospital , he had to have an operation on his knee . Once again , playing for sympathy , he exaggerated his injuries , stating that he was unconscious for more than an hour , a fact that is not mentioned in hospital records . Christie , for the first time in his life , was in a position of power , and he used it . His neighbors began to dislike this man who abused his position and acted like a bully . He even got himself a new nickname , " The Himmler of Rillington Place . " While he was at Harrow Road , Christie met a married woman whose husband was fighting overseas , and he began to see her in secret , although whether there was a sexual relationship is unknown . The relationship lasted until the middle of 1943 , when the husband returned home unexpectedly and caught them together . Christie took a beating from the husband , and this may have been the trigger that started the murders . In 1943 , most likely after his beating , Christie , still a War Reserve policeman , visited a snack bar in Ladbroke Grove . He was there , supposedly , on police business , though he was actually off duty at the time . While there , he caught the eye of a 21 - year - old Austrian girl named Ruth Fuerst , who worked at a munitions factory and lived not far from Rillington Place . There is some suggestion , likely correct , that Ruth supplemented her income by working as a prostitute part time . Christie struck up a conversation with her , and a relationship began . Soon , they were meeting regularly , and one day in August , Christie took Ruth back to 10 Rillington Place . Ethel was away visiting relatives in Sheffield and Christie had the flat to himself . According to Christie , he and Ruth were in the bedroom at 10 Rillington Place when suddenly , " She undressed and wanted me to have intercourse with her . I got a telegram while she was there , saying that my wife was on her way home . The girl wanted us to team up together and go right away somewhere together . I would not do that . I got on the bed and had intercourse with her . I strangled her with a piece of rope . " The next day , Ethel 's brother left , and Ethel went off to work , leaving Christie to carry on with the disposal of his first victim . After removing the floorboards , he dragged Ruth out to the wash - house in the back and hid the body there . Then he began to dig a grave for her in the garden . Before he had finished , Ethel came home , and they had a cup of tea together . That night , after Ethel had gone to bed , Christie stayed up and carried on with his grisly task . When the hole was deep enough , he went to the wash - house and dragged the body of Ruth Fuerst over to the grave and dropped her in , along with her clothes . He then filled the hole and went to bed . Christie would later admit that he felt a powerful thrill as he looked down at his first victim . The next day , Christie raked over the area where he had buried the body , and accidentally pulled up some of the clothing . This he put in an old dustbin that was used for burning rubbish . Some months later , Christie accidentally dug up Ruth 's skull . This went into the dustbin as well , where it would eventually be discovered during the police search . Muriel suffered from bronchial catarrh and had told Christie about it . Christie had always liked to give the impression he had some medical knowledge , a claim supported by the " medical " books that he owned , which were really nothing more than books he had picked up as a first aid worker . Some even believed that he was a doctor who had been struck off for some reason . Christie told Muriel that he could help with her problem , and he invited her around the Rillington Place for some treatment . It was October , 1944 , and Ethel was , once again , away visiting relatives in Sheffield , leaving Christie home alone . It was the opportunity he had been waiting for . He invited Muriel around and made her a cup of tea , and then showed her the device that he would use to cure her of her problems with catarrh . It was a fairly simple device . A square jar with a metal lid held the special inhalant that smelled of Friar 's Balsam . The lid had two holes in it , and through these holes were two tubes . One of the tubes went down into the liquid while the other end trailed off around the back of the deck chair that she was to sit in . The other tube did not go into the liquid , and the other end was attached to a home made mask that the user would breathe through . As Muriel breathed deeply , Christie reached behind the chair . The other end of the tubing that went into the liquid was attached to the coal gas pipe . Christie released the gas , and Muriel , unable to smell the poisonous carbon monoxide gas because of the Friar 's Balsam , quickly went limp as consciousness faded away . The sexually aroused Christie began to strangle Muriel as he penetrated her body . Soon he was finished , and Muriel was dead . Christie had cured her catarrh , and any other ailment she may have been suffering from . Once again , he dragged the body out to the wash - house where it remained while he dug another grave in the garden . Muriel was buried not too far from where Ruth Fuerst lay . When , some time later , Christie managed to dig up her femur by accident , he just used it to prop up the sagging fence . It is probable that Christie felt a desire for Beryl Evans right from the beginning , he just had to bide his time . Timothy Evans was impressed with his soft spoken neighbor , who was obviously educated beyond Evans 's capabilities , especially as he had medical knowledge , or so he hinted . Christie showed Timothy his " medical " books , and Evans would believe anything Christie said . Christie had to have realized that here was a man who could be manipulated and easily tricked . And when the time came , Christie struck . With a second baby on the way , Beryl wanted to have an abortion , and who better to turn to than their neighbor , a respectable former policeman with medical expertise . He would surely help . But when Timothy Evans found out about Beryl 's plan to get rid of the baby , he wanted no part of it , and he told Christie that they were not interested in getting an abortion . Christie , seeing an opportunity slip away , tried to persuade him that everything would be okay , but Timothy still refused . But Beryl was still insistent , and would go through with it . A short while later , Timothy discovered that money he had been giving to Beryl for housekeeping had been spent on other things , and a serious argument broke out . Timothy threatened to leave , and Beryl told him to go . Instead , he went to the movies . There were workmen in the house the next day . They had been coming since the end of October , working on the wash - house and the roof , and ripping out walls and floors where Christie felt there was a problem . Kitchener was away in the hospital , and apart from the workmen , Christie and Beryl were alone in the house . According to Christie , he came upstairs to Beryl sometime around midday . She had made preparations by spreading out a quilt in front of the fire . When Christie came in , Beryl lay down upon it . Christie is then unclear about what happened next . In one account , Beryl went into a panic and Christie started to hit her . He then pulled out a cord and strangled her . In one of his accounts he says that he tried to have intercourse with her , but he couldn 't , and in another account , he states that he did have intercourse with her . He also stated that a short while before , Beryl had tried to kill herself with gas , and he had found her lying on the floor in front of the fire with the gas on . He opened the door and the windows to get rid of the gas , then made her a cup of tea and comforted her . According to Christie , the next day she asked him to help her commit suicide , and " she said she would do anything … I think she was referring to letting me be intimate with her . " Once again , the death was not his fault , she wanted to die . All he did was help her . " I turned the gas tap on and as near as I can make out I held it close to her face . When she became unconscious I turned the tap off . I was going to try to have intercourse with her but it was impossible . I couldn 't bend over . I think that is when I strangled her . " Which of his accounts , if any , is the true one is not clear , though it is more likely that he attempted sex but couldn 't do it as he was suffering from back pains at the time , making some movement difficult . Joan Vincent was a friend of Beryl 's , and around this time , she paid a call on her . She was surprised to find that the door to Beryl 's flat was closed , something Beryl never did . Joan knocked on the door but there was no answer , which was also a surprise as Beryl was usually home at this time . Joan tried the door , which opened a little and then was blocked . Joan said later that although there was no sound , she was certain that there was someone on the other side of the door , blocking it from opening . If this is true , then Christie must have been in a panic , but managed to show coolness under pressure . When Timothy arrived home from work that evening , he found Christie waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs . He told Evans to go up , he would follow behind . When they reached the top floor , Christie told Timothy that it was bad news . The abortion procedure didn 't work , and Beryl had died . Christie led the distraught Timothy into the bedroom where , lying on the bed and covered with a blanket , was the body of his wife , Beryl . Timothy was distressed and vulnerable , and open to suggestion . Christie persuaded Timothy that going to the police would just cause trouble for the both of them . Would that be fair on Christie , as all he had done was try to help , and abortion was illegal . As for Timothy , the arguments and the violence would surely point the finger at him for the death of his wife . Christie 's persuasiveness worked , Timothy would agree to whatever Christie said . Christie told Timothy that he would dispose of the body . First , they would both move it down into Kitchener 's empty flat and put the body in the kitchen . Christie would need Timothy 's help with this as he was unable to lift her on his own because of his bad back . Christie then told Timothy that he would get rid of the body later by putting it down the drain outside . Evans would have to leave and so he agreed to stay with his mother . However , he would take Geraldine with him . Christie said this was a bad idea . It would cause too much suspicion . People would see him with Geraldine and begin to wonder where Beryl was . Christie said that he would think of something . Timothy stayed in the flat overnight , and by the next day , Christie had come up with a solution . Christie knew of a young couple who were childless and desperately wanted a baby . They would take Geraldine and Timothy would be assured that she was being looked after . Timothy was to let people know that Beryl had gone away with Geraldine for a holiday . Timothy prepared Geraldine 's things for her move to a new home , having been told by Christie that the couple would be arriving sometime that day to collect her . Joan Vincent returned later that day and she started up the stairs to see Beryl . Christie , seeing her , headed her off and asked what she wanted . When she said that she 'd come to visit Beryl , Christie told her that Beryl and Geraldine had gone away . However , Joan could see the baby furniture and the pram . Christie said it would be better if she did not come back . When the builders finished their work and had left the premises , Christie got both bodies downstairs and out to the back . Beryl and Geraldine , now neatly wrapped in blankets and tablecloths , were hidden in the wash - house and covered with the floorboards that had been left by the workmen . They stayed there until they were discovered by the police on December 2 . After the execution of Timothy Evans , things began to change at 10 Rillington Place . Christie , always a hypochondriac , had become worse . He felt that he was being persecuted , and his mental state caused him to be examined at the Springfield Mental Hospital for a short while , where he was found by Dr . Petit to be " an insignificant , old womanish city man . Girlish voice , mincing walk . Latent homosexual , though not overt . " By 1952 , Christie had quit his job and was now home all the time , and Ethel was not visiting her relatives in Sheffield as much as she did in the past . Christie was frustrated . He wanted to kill again , he had not murdered anyone since Beryl over three years before , and there was an obstacle in his way . Ethel . On the morning of December 14 , 1952 , Christie strangled Ethel as she lay in bed . According to Christie , " I was awakened at about 8 : 15 a . m . I think it was my wife moving about in bed . I sat up and saw that she appeared to be convulsive . Her face was blue and she was choking . I did what I could to try to restore her breathing , but it was hopeless . It appeared too late to call for assistance , that is when I couldn 't bear to see her , so I got a stocking and tied it around her neck to put her to sleep . " He added he had no idea what it was that were causing his wife to have convulsions , but as he got out of bed after her death , he " saw a small bottle and a cup half - full of water on a small table near the bed . I noticed that the bottle contained two pheno - barbitone tablets and it originally contained twenty - five . I knew then that she must have taken the remainder . " Ethel 's post mortem , however , showed no trace of pills in her stomach . He left her in bed for three days as he did not know what to do with her , but then remembered the loose floorboards in the living room , where Ruth Fuerst once spent the night . Christie also began sending out letters from Ethel to relatives that she had written but had not gotten around to mailing before she was killed . Christie changed the date on them to make it appear they were written later . In subsequent letters , he wrote them himself , explaining that Ethel 's rheumatism prevented her from writing and that she was dictating them to him . Christie had been unemployed since December 6 , and needed money . He sold Ethel 's wedding ring and her watch , and started to sell off the furniture . Each week , he went down to the Labour Exchange to collect unemployment benefits , and on January 26 , 1953 , he forged Ethel 's signature and went to the bank where he emptied her account . Sometime between January 2 and 19 , 1953 , Christie had a chance meeting with 25 - year - old Rita Nelson , a prostitute who was six months pregnant . It 's likely that she met Christie in a pub , and once again pretending to have medical knowledge , he persuaded Rita that he could abort the unwanted child . Rita came round to Rillington Place where , as he did with Muriel Eady , had Rita sit in a chair while he helped her put on the gas mask . Once unconscious , her fate was the same as the previous victims , pulled to the floor and raped as he strangled her to death . Christie 's version is different . I lived in the flat and one evening I went up Ladbroke Grove to get some fish and chips for the animals . I had a dog and a cat . On the way back , in Ladbroke Grove , a drunken woman stood in front of me and demanded a pound for me to take her round the corner . I said . ' I am not interested and I haven 't got money to throw away . ' I 'm not like that . I haven 't had intercourse with any women for over two years , my doctor will tell you that . He is Doctor Odess , Colville Square . She then demanded 30 shillings and said she would scream and say I had interfered with her if I didn 't give it to her . I walked away as I am so well known around there and she would have obviously caused a scene . She came along , she wouldn 't go and she came right to the door still demanding 30 shillings . When I opened the door she forced her way in . I went to the kitchen and she was still on about this 30 shillings . I tried to get her out and she picked up a frying pan to hit me . I closed with her and there was a struggle and she fell back on the chair . It was a deck chair . There was a piece of rope hanging from the chair . I don 't know what happened but I must have gone haywire . The next thing I remember she was lying in the chair with the rope round her neck . I don 't remember taking it off . It couldn 't have been tied . I left her there and went into the front room . After that I believe I had a cup of tea and went to bed . A few days after the death of Rita Nelson , Christie went into a café in Notting Hill . The café was crowded and Christie had to share a table with two young women . The two women were talking about their search for a suitable flat for accommodation . Christie gave his account of the meeting . I went into a café in Notting Hill for a cup of tea and a sandwich . The café was pretty full ; there wasn 't much space . Two girls sat at a table and I sat opposite at the same table . They were talking about rooms , where they had been looking to get accommodation . Then one of them spoke to me . She asked me for a cigarette and then started a conversation . During the conversation , I mentioned about leaving my flat and that it would be vacant very soon , and they suggested coming down together to see it in the evening . Only one came down . The one that came down was 26 - year - old Kathleen Maloney , a part time prostitute and nude model . How he got her to sit in the chair while he gassed her is unknown , but as her post mortem showed that she had been drinking heavily , it is likely that she was drunk enough for Christie to handle her with some ease and get the mask over her face . Once again , Christie 's version is self serving . She looked over the flat . She said it would be suitable subject to the landlord 's permission . It was then that she made suggestions that she would visit me for a few days . She said this so that I would use my influence with the landlord as a sort of payment of kind . I was rather annoyed and told her that it didn 't interest me . I think she started saying I was making accusations against her when she saw there was nothing doing . She said that she would bring someone down to me . I believe it was then that she mentioned something about Irish blood . She was in a violent temper . I remember she started fighting . I am very quiet and avoid fighting . I know there was something , it 's in the back of my mind . She was on the floor . I must have put her in the alcove straight away . Hectorina McLennan was Christie 's final victim . On March 3 , the 26 year old was leaving a café with her boyfriend , a man named Baker , when they bumped into Christie . As Baker crossed over the road to chat with a friend , Christie struck up a conversation with Hectorina . During the conversation , she told Christie that she and Baker had just been evicted from their flat and were looking for somewhere else to stay . Christie , no doubt seeing an opportunity , offered them both accommodations at his home for a few days until they could find somewhere more suitable . The girl came back alone . She asked if he had called and I said ' No ' , but I was expecting him . She said she would wait , but I told her she couldn 't and that he may be looking for her , and that she must go and that she couldn 't stay there alone . She was very funny about it . I got hold of her arm and tried to lead her out . I pushed her out of the kitchen . She started struggling like anything and some of her clothing got torn . She then sort of fell limp as I got hold of her . She sank to the ground and I think that some of her clothing must have got caught around her neck in the struggle . She was just out of the kitchen in the passageway . I tried to lift her up but couldn 't . I then pulled her into the kitchen on to a chair . I felt her pulse , but it wasn 't beating . I pulled the cupboard away again and I must have put her in there . The Hunt for the Monster of Rillington Place Christie went to a Rowton House , a hostel for working men , in Kings Cross , where he paid for lodging for seven days , using his real name . But when the news of what had been discovered at Rillington Place hit the headlines , Christie left . For the rest of the time , he wandered around London , sleeping rough and spending most of his time in cafés and movie theatres . Norman Rae was the chief crime reporter for the News Of The World newspaper , and he remembered the Evans case very well , having covered it for the newspaper three years earlier . As with all of the newspapers , the News Of The World was considering the Evans 's side of the story , and Rae was about to become personally involved . It was late at night on March 29 when Rae 's telephone rang at the News Of The World office . Rae picked it up . On the other end , a whispery voice asked Rae if he remembered him . Rae remembered him very well ; he had interviewed Christie three years earlier when he covered the Evans killings . Christie wanted to give Rae an exclusive , and offered to meet a few hours later outside Wood Green Town Hall . Rae said that he would be there . Rae , along with a driver , got over to Wood Green and waited in the darkened car for Christie to show . Soon , there was movement , and Christie appeared in the shadows . On the last day of March , Christie was on the bank of the Thames at Putney Embankment , leaning over the railing and looking at the river . A police constable named Thomas Ledger walked past and thought the man looked suspicious . Ledger stopped and asked the man his name . " John Waddington " replied the man , and said he was 35 years old and was waiting to get his unemployment cards . Ledger asked the man to remove his hat . Once Ledger got a good look at him , with his bald head and his whispering voice , he knew who stood in front of him . Ledger arrested him and took him to Putney Police Station in a police van that happened to be passing at the right moment . Realizing that the pretense would do no good , " John Waddington " gave his real name . John Reginald Halliday Christie , the monster of Rillington Place , had been captured . Over the following few months , Christie would confess to his crimes on three separate occasions . His confessions , though essentially true in that he was the murderer , were designed to show him in the best light , and his explanations as to how and why the killings took place were self serving . Facts were altered , some details were exaggerated , and some details were conveniently forgotten . He gave an account of his life to the Sunday Pictorial newspaper in which he claimed that a powerful and mysterious force that he couldn 't control made him commit the murders . He tried to present himself as someone who was forced to kill his victims by the victims themselves . Ruth asked for it by stripping off and demanding sex . Beryl wanted to commit suicide , all he did was help . His last three victims were violent and the deaths were self defense . Even Ethel 's death was a mercy killing . The truth was that Ethel was in the way , and Christie wanted to pursue his murderous hobby . It also may have been that Ethel had put two and two together , and was beginning to suspect that he may have had a hand in the death of Beryl Evans . Muriel Eady was the only one of his victims that he didn 't blame for her own death . And he never admitted , not officially anyway , that he was responsible for the death of Geraldine Evans . But he couldn 't , not if his defense plan was going to work . With all of his victims , it was their own fault , or , in the case of Ethel , it was a mercy killing . The prostitutes provoked him with their overt sexual attempts or their violent attacks on him , and Beryl wanted to die anyway . None of these excuses could be placed on a 13 - month - old little girl . The truth was that Geraldine was murdered simply to get rid of a problem . If Beryl and Geraldine disappeared , then it could be assumed that they had just left , with Beryl fed up with Timothy and taking the baby with her . If Timothy and Geraldine were together , then people would start asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Beryl , and the truth could come out . The trail could have led back to Christie . So Geraldine had to go . The facts as stated by the prosecution showed a man who was devious , who tried to conceal the murder of his wife by hiding the body underneath the floorboards , who tried to convince others through forged letters that she was still alive . This was a man who had forged his wife 's signature in order to obtain the contents of her bank account by deceit , and then forged her signature to a receipt to say that she had received it . This man had told people that she was with her relatives in Sheffield , and he had told the person to whom he sold the furniture that she had gone away and that he was joining her later . The defense chose to bring into evidence the other killings , which may prove that he was insane . The defense maintained that although Christie knew what he was doing , he did not know that it was wrong . Christie was called on to testify , and throughout his story , he would mumble , or refuse to speak , and answered many of the questions with , " I don 't know " or " I cannot remember . " The prosecution called its psychiatrist for the rebuttal . In his opinion , Christie knew that what he was doing was wrong , he just didn 't care . A second psychiatrist told the court that the " falsification of memory " in which he cannot remember specific details of the murders , which the defense put forth as further proof of insanity , were merely Christie 's attempts to deliberately hide the truth . His lapses of memory were only apparent when it was convenient for him not to remember something that was damning , but his memory appeared to be perfectly sound when he was remembering anything that was of benefit to his defense . The defense had a weak case . It tried to convince the jury that the murder of Ethel Christie was completely motiveless , and only a madman would kill for no reason . Yet a reason had come up . The motive for the murder of Ethel Christie was a by - product of lust . Christie needed Ethel out of the way to continue his lustful killings of the other women . On July 15 , just 20 days after the judge read the sentence , Christie faced the noose at Pentonville Prison , the same noose that Timothy Evans faced just over three years before . With his arms bound , Christie complained that his nose was itchy . The hangman , Albert Pierrepoint reassured Christie , " It won 't bother you for long . " Did Christie kill more than eight people ? It seems likely that these were not his only victims . As a wartime policeman , there would be many opportunities to kill and get rid of the body in a bombed building . The four clumps of pubic hair that didn 't belong to any known victims would point to there being others . And the gaps between killings are long , which is also unusual . But these are questions that can never be answered . For the residents of Rillington Place , life became a nightmare . Sightseers flocked to see the infamous house , crowding the already narrow cul - de - sac . Mrs . Sarah McFadden , the resident at number 3 , organized a petition , which was signed by 83 residents , asking for a change to the street name . It was presented to the council on May 19 , 1953 . Although the council felt that the name change would make no difference to the sightseers , the name was finally changed in May the following year , to Ruston Close . As the council suspected , it didn 't stop the sightseers . But there was a problem , the police had not done their job . The fact was the police investigation into the deaths of Beryl and Geraldine was a mess . When Evans told the police in Wales that he had disposed of his wife , they were certain that he was responsible . The fact that it took three men to lift the cover on the drain showed that Evans was a liar . The police , believing that they had their man , were determined that he should not escape justice . Evans , after being told that his wife 's body was not where he told them it would be , told them that Christie did it . The police decided that this was just to shift the blame . They may have been right , but they should still have checked Christie 's background , just to be on the safe side . If they had , Christie past convictions , including one for the " murderous attack " on a woman , would have come to light , and Christie would not have been regarded as the decent and upstanding citizen that he pretended to be . But beyond that , there were other aspects of the " investigation " that were , at best , criminally negligent . While searching for Beryl 's body in the garden , the police failed to notice a human thigh bone propping up the sagging fence , even though the garden was , supposedly , examined . Some other bones were visible , thanks to Christie 's dog having dug them up . Shortly after the police search , the dog pulled up the skull of Muriel Eady . Christie slipped it under his coat and walked past the policemen waiting outside the house and threw it into a bombed out house in St . Mark 's Road , where it was discovered shortly after . It was handed in to the police , who decided it was a bomb victim . Why did they not question the fact that the house had been bombed eight or nine years before , but the skull only discovered now ? Why did they not consider it to be too much of a coincidence that they find a skull at the same time as they are looking for a body just around the corner ? It defied explanation . The discovery of the clipping concerning the Stanley Setty murder told the police that Evans was going to get rid of the bodies in the same manner . Why would he have a clipping otherwise . The problem was , why would he have a clipping at all , he couldn 't read , it would have been indecipherable to him . But Christie was known to be an avid clipper . The bodies of Beryl and Geraldine were found in the wash - house on December 2 , and had been dead for three weeks . That , according to the police thinking , is where Evans left them . But the workmen who had been doing work there since October had been using the wash - house to store their tools , and the bodies were certainly not there during that time . The workmen had only finished using the wash - house the day before the bodies were discovered . The workmen also stated that the wood that was used to cover the bodies was from floorboards that had been taken up after Evans had left , and the wood had been given to Christie . With this evidence , the guilt of Timothy Evans should have been , at the very least , questioned . He couldn 't have moved the bodies to the wash - house the day before ; he was already in police custody . But the confessions were proof that Evans committed the murders . They were very detailed and accurate , he knew where the bodies were , he knew how they had been killed , and he knew what they were wearing . How could he know so much detail if he was not the killer . The fact was that all of these details were already known to the police , and the police coached Evans in what to say during the confession . Evans was fearful of the police , there had been hints of violence if he didn 't come clean , and with this threat over him Evans was scared that he would be hurt . As they fed him the details of the murders , he agreed that it was so , and after a long night of interrogation ( and not the 75 minutes that the police stated it took ) , Evans had confessed to a murder that he didn 't commit in details that should have been known only to the killer . But the workmen who were at 10 Rillington Place were never called . In addition , the police re - interviewed the workmen , and managed to get some of them at least to change their story to fit in with the theory that Evans killed his family . According to one source , they even produced a photograph of a dead baby ( not connected to the case ) to manipulate the workers emotionally . In his summing up , the judge presented the jury with two options . Either Dr . Teare , the pathologist was lying about the post mortem results , or Evans was lying . He pointed out that Evans had a reputation and a record as a habitual liar , and pointed out the luminous reputation of Christie . The newspaper cutting about the Setty murder was referred to in the inquiry , showing that Evans probably planned to dispose of the bodies in the same manner . The fact that Evans was illiterate and couldn 't read , and that Christie was known to be an avid newspaper clipper , was also dismissed . Other evidence that would have pointed to Evans being innocent of the charge was also ignored . In Parliament , the report was viciously attacked . Geoffrey Bing , QC , the MP for Hornchurch delivered what , at the time , was called by Michael Foot , " one of the most formidable which has been delivered in this house for many years . " Bing stated , " The whole of the report was shot through with prejudice and evidence of all sorts of irregularities . " Michael Foot said it was not worth the paper it had been written on , and Reginald Paget said that it deliberately concealed the truth and was dishonest . One man stood up and gave his support to a growing campaign for justice for Timothy Evans . He was James Chuter Ede , later Baron Chuter - Ede , who in 1950 was the Home Secretary at the time of Evans ' execution . He concluded that a terrible mistake had been made . In 1955 , The Man on Your Conscience was published . Written by Michael Eddowes , it was the first important book on the case , and generated a renewed interest . Four influential editors , Ian Gilmour of The Spectator , John Grigg of The National and English Review , Sir Lynton Andrews of The Yorkshire Post , and David Astor of The Observer petitioned the Home secretary for a new inquiry . It was denied . Kennedy also stressed the evidence given by Dr . Teare that there were signs of sexual penetration of Beryl 's body , suggesting the murderer was sexually aroused by the act of killing , and possibly a necrophiliac . This evidence was suppressed by Evans 's own defense . Had this come up in court , it would have removed some suspicion from Evans who may have been short tempered and violent , but was certainly not a necrophiliac , and would not have had sex with his wife 's body . By now , Britain had a new Home Secretary , R . A . Butler . The campaigners , including Labour MP Sir Frank Soskice , asked for a new inquiry , and Butler said that he would examine the evidence that was presented in the book . Just over seven weeks later , Butler made his decision . No inquiry . With the Governments reversed , Labour , after years of vociferous campaigning for the inquiry , took on the former Governments position and was now refusing it . The Conservative 's , in their turn , took up Labour 's former stance , and were now pushing for an inquiry . " I do not think that an inquiry would serve any useful purpose at this stage . I think it would be kinder not to express views one way or the other . " said Soskice . Herbert Wolfe was a German refugee living in Darlington , who had arrived in Britain in 1933 to escape what was happening in his own country . To him , the concept of British justice was precious and something that should not be taken for granted . He had read Kennedy 's book and , convinced of the innocence of Timothy Evans , wrote an article that he sent to the editor of his local paper , The Northern Echo . Darlington is far from London , and the local paper could hardly have any influence on the Government . But the editor happened to be Harold Evans , an exceptional journalist who would go on to become editor of The Sunday Times and is now editor at large for Reuters . He said , " After receiving Wolfe 's article , I got hold of Kennedy 's book . I read it on the train to London , and became so angry I wanted to pull the communication cord . I thought , this is an outrage ; something must be done about it . " Every day , for months , Evans published something about the case . He produced pamphlets , while Wolfe ceaselessly telephoned people about the case . On July 28 , 1965 , with Ludovic Kennedy as its chairman , the Timothy Evans committee was formed . With the press coverage that was generated , Evans pressed the Prime Minister Harold Wilson , who capitulated and promised that the Government would do something . The conclusion was bizarre . Christie , the report decided , did kill Geraldine Evans , but Timothy killed Beryl . Despite this astonishing conclusion , the report did agree that a jury could not have convicted Evans on any murder if all of the available evidence had been presented in court . Mary Westlake , Evans ' half - sister , and his sister Eileen Ashby , were awarded payment as compensation for their brothers ' miscarriage of justice , in January 2003 . Lord Brennan , the independent assessor for the Home Office , stated that " the conviction and execution of Timothy Evans for the murder of his child was wrongful and a miscarriage of justice . " He went on to add , " there is no evidence to implicate Timothy Evans in the murder of his wife . She was most probably murdered by Christie . " Brennan believed that Brabin 's conclusion that Evans murdered Beryl should be rejected . The following year , on November 16 , Mary Westlake appealed to the High Court . She wanted them to overturn a decision made by the Criminal Cases Review Commission not to refer Evans 's case to the Court of Appeal . Her argument was that though he had been pardoned , it had not formally erased his conviction for murder . The Evans Case Helps Fire the Anti - Death Penalty Movement in Great Britain Although the case of Timothy Evans was a boost to those who were opposed to capital punishment , it wasn 't the only one to have an impact , and it wasn 't , as some have thought , one of the cases that started the abolition campaign . The truth is that the abolition question had been around for several decades . However there is no doubt that the Evans case was of major importance for those wishing to end the practice . Capital punishment was suspended as a five year experiment , and became permanent in 1969 . But this was only for murder . Until 1971 , the death penalty remained for causing a fire or explosion in a naval dockyard , and remained until 1981 for espionage . Piracy that included violence was still a hanging crime until 1998 , as was treason and various offenses within the military . AboutWith the purpose of writing about true crime in an authoritative , fact - based manner , veteran journalists J . J . Maloney and J . Patrick O ' Connor launched Crime Magazine in November of 1998 . Their goal was to cover all aspects of true crime : Read More

It 's said Ernest Hemingway wrote that six word story . I checked my list of the 1200 most common English words and " sale " wasn 't there but " sell " was . " Worn " wasn 't there but " wear " was . All the other words were there except " shoes " . Not even " shoe " was there … This quote from Mark Twain gave me the idea for my challenge : " I notice that you use plain , simple language , short words and brief sentences . That is the way to write English - it is the modern way and the best way . Stick to it ; don 't let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in . When you catch an adjective , kill it . No , I don 't mean utterly , but kill most of them - then the rest will be valuable . They weaken when they are close together . They give strength when they are wide apart . An adjective habit , or a wordy , diffuse , flowery habit , once fastened upon a person , is as hard to get rid of as any other vice . " You can use any of the 1200 words in the list at that last link ( which is a downloadable Word . doc ) or go to the W . E . B . DuBois Learning Center website to use a slightly different list of only 1000 words ( and , it has " shoes " : - ) . That last list is on ten pages of 100 words each , and it 's beginning description is priceless : common words , English language , Ernest Hemingway , Mark Twain , Most common words in English , story , story challenge , writing challenge ← Be Real ~ Especially If You 're Writing Fiction . . . Quoting A Writer Quoting Writers . . . → 63 responses to " Writing Challenge ~ Use The 1200 Most Common Words To Write A Story … " Blossom Dreams June 10 , 2011 at 8 : 54 am Here 's a question for you - do you know if Microsoft Word has the capacity to list the words you have used in your writing and how many times you have used each one ? I would find that amazingly useful ! Love the quote from Mark Twain - think I 'll be reading that one often ! Chloe xx It sounds fun , Alex . When I opened the word doc , my first thought was to attempt the cut up method used by the Dadaists . Would that be considered cheating ? I am so late to this party but I wanted to tell you that I find the list of 1 , 000 words fascinating - and a bit puzzling . Why is the word " suffix " on the list ? And even more curious , why is it before words such as " cotton " ( which we know is printed on billions of clothing / linen labels ) and " seat " ? I will be pondering this all day ! btw - Any idea where Simone is hiding ? When a fav blogger just abruptly stops it causes concern . ( The major drawback to anonymous blogging ) . I 'm hoping she is just so enamored with her new pool that she 's decided to take a break until the heat breaks ! I dread thinking of any other scenarios . Thanks . I shall return as a reader on more recent posts ! I picked up a pencil and turned over on old stage program that happened to be located there . I began writing down how we had arrived about our present condition . Even though I hadn 't intended to , I had used a pamphlet out of our library for my rough copy . I was thankful that I had an extra copy since I had gone with my husband before he slipped out of the realm of ordinary . To classify him now would take a dictionary . I was determined to discover a way to clear our names . I blew a feather away with the back of my hand and looked for an angle that would get us out of this serious difficulty . Whenever I wrote seriously I needed a cup of coffee , and a turn of the thermostat to lower the climate in the den . I fiddled with the model of an athletic statue standing on the desk , noting its muscles and the details of its bronze casting . Nobody was allowed in the den when I wrote . I had used all the force I could to convince the family to stay out , and I hoped I wouldn 't have to review the rules like I would with a bad employee . Actually I had used the newspaper to find my latest part time job over on Pacific Avenue . It was one instance where I wanted to prepare to be just where I needed to be and didn 't need to repeat a multitude of telephone calls before the job was settled . The best part was that it was doing one of my favorite things and I immediately grabbed the opportunity . My mind was swimming with the anticipation of the job . But first I had to iron out this chapter in our past history , spelling out some form of prose to make peace with our numerous debtors , especially with the leader of the pack , the bankers holding our mortgage . In any event , if that wasn 't put off soon , I would not be able to take this job and our whole family would be put in a dangerous position . There would be no place on the planet to live together . I threw out my plan of action to escape our demise and made fifty copies of it . Surely I wouldn 't need that many , if the bakers would agree I wouldn 't need the rest of the magazine of ideas that I had entered on my pieces of paper . I suggested all kinds of calamities to them , including the dissolution of my married status , a knife that would cut off my family from each other , and even suggested that the bank might be trying to railroad me into this disaster ( I did indicate that this was just something that they might observe during the height of my rant , not something I was accusing them of ) . I did stop to reflect on the sheer height of the bank 's building , a structure standing like a silent soldier , holding my secret and other innumerable secrets within its walls . I would be like a bicycle run over by a tank if they decided to come after me . I might as well forget about any flight and take to drinking and riding the bottle into an asylum rather than go into a jail somewhere for being destitute . I did belong to several social groups , some of which had connections to big dollars , but I sincerely doubted if they would address my problem . Instead they would run like insects at the sight of my falling out of their financial circles . They were not students of reality and their only concern was to increase their wealth . My chance of being in their service would remain in my ability to keep my appearances intact . Once I had been in the hospital when they had made a mistake in the charge , and nearly bankrupt me before the president of the hospital intervened and corrected the false charges . It turned out that a certain doctor a design on me and wasn 't shy about ruining my family so that he could take advantage of it for his own foul purposed . The next time I saw him he did receive a stiff knee in the groin . I think I mashed his potatoes pretty good and he didn 't continue his assault after that . He barely climbed into his leather chair as I left his office . I don 't even think he squeaked to his secretary soon afterwards . I hadn 't given him any quarter for what he had attempted , and I surely wasn 't going to thank him for it . I wasn 't popular with him after that , but every time I went to buy groceries I had to laugh about him holding ice to his genitals beneath his desk . I 'm sure they 're still sore . His financial circles included bankers as well . So I knew the banking industry wasn 't exactly going to support us , any more than making some gross symbol or gesture to keep their own image clean . I expected that they would rather use a rubber baseball bat on us rather than sending us a dozen letters with threats for non - payments . At one time I had to consider going to the police when their agents wouldn 't accept our word and leave us alone on the street . Accosting my children wasn 't going to happen . Alex , let me know if you recieved Chapter Two , I had some difficulty with passwords , etc . As any good writer , I keep a copy . ha ha . I plopped my butt on the seat of the car and put it into the usual position . Fortunately my husband had his own car and the adjustments were minimal . I straightened out my plain dress and set out to discover just where our finances were . I had a handful of papers to guide me in my quest to get the bank not to foreclose on us , and hoped that I wouldn 't have steam coming out of my ears by the time I was finished . I knew that I was going to get further this time if I would raise the issue of the other bank executive . It was obvious that I could cook them if I wanted to , but of course I had no intention to use that bit of pressure . All I really wanted to do was to protect my family . I shivered at the thought of having to take to bus to work every day instead of this old but reliable vehicle . Even though it had been a doctor who tried to manipulate us into bankruptcy , he was still a Captain of the Community , and this bank was part of that group , the doctor being the head of the group . While I had no intention to blackmail anyone , I wanted to find out what they thought it was worth to keep me from sending at least one of their bunch to jail . I imagined the scoundrel of a banker sitting in a cell full of dust , maybe a rat or two running between his legs . I knew that everybody would benefit if the pervert was put behind bars . The only problem was that to do it would require years of legal wrangling , even if I was right beyond a doubt . I could feel the electricity tingling my skin as I thought about snatching every red cent out of the doctor . My temper continued to burn every time I thought about what he attempted to do . Suing him was probably a solution to our financial problem , but I doubted that we could live for a year with no money coming in while we tried to get it out of him . I had to stop at a gas station to put enough fuel into the car to get me to the bank . I could barely finish dribbling it into my tank when I remembered the population that had turned its back on us and nearly drove us out of town . This was before the doctor 's plan had been exposed . Tomorrow would be the first day of our future , and I wasn 't going to experience it from the poor house . To myself I wondered if they even had poor houses anymore . I decided to take a drink that the station would provide inside . My throat was already drying up from the thought of my plea with the bankers . The stream of water refreshed me greatly , keeping me alive with the liquid . I would die for a cup of coffee instead , but it was only average quality here anyway , and I couldn 't risk spilling it on my dress . The brown liquid would never match the bright yellow skirt that only reached down to my mid - thigh . I hadn 't worn anything suggestive when I had met the doctor in question , but today I was not pulling any stops until the money was in the till . I figured the double standard was worth the risk since I was not going to stop until I had some respect in the valley . I was going to pound every drum I could hit until my current status with this company was changed . The advantage was mine as I faced the twelve member board . Not being ignorant , I had hired an attorney to give my argument and intentions strength . Without her I would be wasting my breath , even with the noose around the doctor 's neck , due to the papers I had proving his liability . I was going to hold my head high and proud , as suggested by the attorney . It was all show when meeting a board like this she had told me . But I clutched my bag and smoothed my dress before entering the offices . I was heated by the sun hitting the southern side of the building as I pushed open the door . I could hear angry voices as I shot into the room through the huge door . My attorney was already inside and both sides were heatedly trying to express their opinions . I let the door push me out of the way as it swung closed . I had to straighten my short dress coat after the door knocked me off balance while trying to maintain the proper dignity . I wasn 't too impressed by a short , sloppy - looking man who wore a rumpled suit with a bit of breakfast on his shirt . I could see that the wide tie had a purpose of hiding the old stain , which was in danger of ruining his appearance of an executive . I could only imagine that most of his time was spent in some camp , sitting in a large bare - wood cabin . Being an executive was probably only practiced when it was necessary , judging by his almost laughable effort to be dignified . It would probably take an army of personal caretakers if he was going to expect some change in his real self . My attorney had a finger in the air as accusations flew around the room . " We 're not in the market … " one of the bankers declared , " We represent … " another attempted to state to my legal aide . It was a regular frenzy that I watched jump in the air as I made my sudden appearance . They all seemed to share an equal stare at me while I was pulling down my skirt . My attorney smiled wryly as she witnessed their group mistake . It was like the changing of a season while they began a variety of mumbling excuses and tried to continue their pleas . I could barely sort the arguments as they began speaking loudly towards my side of the table . One well - dressed man , whom I suspected was their legal representative , stared at me with a wooden face as the other 's would feed him bits of information and suggestions . He was the star that they hid slightly behind . His shirt had a very tiny flower pattern that seemed white from all but the closest view . He walked over to the northern end of the room where a solid oaken chair sat heavily . After sitting there he wet his mouth with a glass of water and played with the band around his finger . The other bankers group made a crowd around him like a bunch of fruit . The entire bunch made me sick . He pointed at the huge table with a finger pointed like a gun and made a surprise announcement to us . My attorney seemed to know what was coming and sat next to me in the padded chair . " My Dear , " he began , " these documents laid before me tell me that it would take a minimum of a year , possibly five , before we would supply a jury with enough arguments to defend our doctor 's actions . There is a large divide between the various schools of thought , with myself leaning towards taking that long route to the resolution of this issue . But according to the wishes of this committee . . , " he hesitated like he was playing the part of Perry Mason on television . " We decided that it was in our best interest to alleviate the difficulty of going through this process , and we allow a settlement with you . " My attorney sat still , a small smile appeared . I nearly jumped in the air , even without knowing what the possible settlement would be . Perhaps that was why she only smiled . I watched the bus shoot through a tunnel shaped like a narrow , claustrophobic tube , then join heavier traffic , I realized that I was going even deeper into the middle of the city . While I hadn 't any plans , never knowing how long a legal meeting was going to take , I believed that I was going to be hungry sooner than later . My stomach made a statement with the noise it was creating . I stood in the doorway of the bus and waited for it to slow . The bus driver herself came to a stop , I jumped off in a fair hurry , and a couple of people began to load the bus at its front doors , making a loud noise . I watched the corner of the bus rise with its hydraulics , then a final burst of air as it began rolling down the street once again . I couldn 't lie about it , all this law stuff had worn me out . I practically dove into a restaurant for a quick bite of something to eat . It was a blow to me when I realized what time it was . I couldn 't imagine where the hours had gone . Stepping onto the short set of stairs that led into the restaurant itself , I saw a familiar face staring at me from across the dining room . I hadn 't a clue that my sister would be here , it wasn 't expensive enough for her taste . It was likely that it was a part of the string of businesses her husband owned . The only thing she would enjoy was someplace original for her to experience . As she walked towards me I noticed her clothes immediately . They were in high style , and I was sure that I had seen them advertised in the biggest store in the state , only a month ago . I always believed that the chief reason she stayed with the ' good ' doctor was because of the style of clothes she could afford while being with him . As it stood now , I wouldn 't trade her boyfriend for all the clothes in the world . I could count on her going for the riches , a farmer would never make a husband for her , at least not from any report I ever heard of about her . She even tried to pressure me once to date a friend of hers , another doctor of course . It wasn 't for my sake , she was just trying to solve a double date dilemma that I fit the bill for . She couldn 't make the date without having a date for his brother . To me , dating brothers was like something that you see on television , not something that I looked forward in real life . I couldn 't separate myself from her due to her insistence that we go shopping together after our little snack . She never ate , or had a meal , but had numerous little snacks during the day . It was something that she had picked up from the East during her travels with her rich husband . Sliding the chair out from under the table , I let myself drop into it and pulled myself closer to the table . I watched her touch the menu and experiment with methods to opening it without ruining a nail or something . I watched her spend a couple of minutes fiddling with it until my head began to hurt just from watching her efforts . We were looking at the dinner menu , indicating how late it had already become . Eventually we ate and waited for the waitress to appear . Her knowledge of food was amazing , but then , she had been all over the nation experiencing it . We set forth on our shopping excursion while she was giving me a speech on the pleasures of being wealthy . Of course she added a scant bit of praise , calling me the " salt of the earth " type , and saying how essential they were . It took real steel for me not to inform her of the world according to me . Perhaps had we not been in public I might have blown a gasket . It turns out that my meeting with her was useful , as she absolutely necessary to buy me nine separate outfits . Trying to figure out her mental status wasn 't ever hard for me to do , it always had been rather narrow . I still had to be careful not to criticize the path that she had chosen , our directions had gone apart a long time ago . Nature had taken its course and the process had led us far away from each other , financially as well as value - wise . She went for the bread , I went for the exercise . I wasn 't so sure at the moment which of us had gone in the right direction . I felt a movement as her car stopped in front of my house , it rocked as the chauffer stopped suddenly and leaped out to open the door for me . By the time we returned my car had been brought home somehow , and I let myself compare the lengths of the two vehicles as they sat in the driveway . I was fearful that he would run out of breath just running around the length of hers . Her car had the best interior possible throughout , and the best paint job I 'd ever seen on anything so long . I could only imagine it pulling up the a yacht parked on the shore of the lake , probably painted the same color of blue . I had both a fear of water and rope , knowing that I would become tangled in one someday and being strangled . I shook off the whole dream when she spoke through the open window . Her voice was pure cotton as it rose to reach me as I led her driver into the house with my packages . I felt so guilty at having come home with such riches after our budget was down to the wire . I looked up at the house and realized that I would have to sell it and my car to reach the total cost of her vehicle . Then I doubted that I would have enough even then . Oh , sorry , I just re - read your question . I 've started the story from the end of the list , but I 'm not trying to write it towards the beginnning … . . I 'm not totally mad … yet ! ! ! Not at all , I started another story from the other end of the list . I have to start reading your questions before I post . I didn 't see that you had asked another question already . I was still on the last one . I almost felt like I won at the banker 's convention , but the farther from the meeting at the bank became , the less certain I became as well . Nothing had been sent to me for signing , or even nodding in agreement . I felt like I had been abandoned in the desert , the meeting itself a product of my imagination instead of reality . I set my key down with a clink next to the canister of sugar . Returning to the living room I noticed that the sofa was covered every inch by the packages bought with my sister . Looking out the window again , I noticed how beat the grass was in the yard I watched the huge car depart with my sister in it . I still couldn 't get over the fact that the value of her vehicle was equal or better than my house . Her stuff was increasing in value , while everything in my own life was falling apart and dilapidated . I wondered about stuffing my packages into my office until I told my husband , but I 'd have to keep the door closed . Out of the window I could see a couple of sheep decorations planted under a tree . Of course I decided right away that I wouldn 't have given any of it up for my sister 's wealth anyway . I did wonder what it would be like to visit her house though . Noticing the it seemed a little dark , I had to wonder what the weather was like . I looked out of the window and above me the clouds were gray and it looked like a major storm was about to descend on us . I had to believe that it was going to downpour any second . Fearing that it might be more than that , I went out onto the front porch and looked to the sky . It wasn 't a minute before the first drop landed on my arm . I backed onto the porch before it also drenched my hat . I wasn 't used to wearing a fancy hat and had to act fast . I didn 't want to wear it anyway , but of course my sister insisted on it . Like everything else we bought , cost was most important to her and it was rather elaborate and looked more like it had been grown on my head . I was caught up in feeling feminine after being a wife and mother for so long . I held it in my hand and realized that I was a basic type of person anyway , on the scale between fancy and plain . I certainly didn 't pick the hat , although it was overwhelming with its bright colors . I think it reminded me of my kitchen with its flowery wallpaper . Then I realized that it had been a long time since we had moved in here , even the appliances were being converted back to gas . I didn 't pay that much attention to what type of stove I had anyway . I couldn 't pass on the new one though , this one was old regardless of whether it was run by gas or electricity . I decided to take action right away and was glad about my decision . I couldn 't just change everything and move over to the west side of the city just because my sister thought it was a better side of town . It wasn 't that I ever had any intention to do it anyway , but I probably nodded while my sister was talking in the car . Before I knew it I had a lady stop me in front of the meat department at the grocery store a few days later . She wanted me to " Please , please consider my offer . " she pleaded while holding several pages of real estate offers . I would like to consider her cause , but I just wasn 't in the market . The house was getting cool as I left the windows open . I had to admit that I did love having a cool breeze blowing through the windows . It blew past a lilac tree that would send its fragrance well beyond its branches . Before long I was busy deciding where to put my new belongings . I just wasn 't sure how to deal with all of them . I couldn 't just fill the basement with them , I did like them after all . I shook my head at the amount of capital my sister spent . I had to fight her sharp comments at my life compared to hers . I was very cross , but she wouldn 't let a comment coast if she didn 't like it . " You 'll never amount to anything if you don 't present yourself properly . " She repeated until I was beginning to recite it myself . On the level of sisters , she was a big pain in the butt most of the time , but she was never malicious either , therefore I could take her constant ribbing in her not - so - subtle way . I figured it would be a century and she would never stop sticking her nose in the air and pointing out that her silver was shinier than mine would ever be . Of course she had several servants to polish it all afternoon . I would have to stick to the ancient method of putting on gloves and rubbing it the old ancient way like most housewives would . Suddenly I realized how quiet it was in the house . I gritted my teeth and spun the wedding ring around my finger . I recalled how my husband had spent too much money on it , before he became Mr . Invention and money ran out of the windows . Right now I was more likely to declare him a section eight , ready for the booby hatch rather than the hall of fame . After a shower I slipped into a brown evening dress and decided to spread myself across the city in a complete loss of control . I might even pass by my sister 's boat , climb on board , and listen to its powerful engine turn over a few thousand revolutions . I tried to back down several times while dressing , putting on makeup , and looking for ' appropriate ' jewelry . When I was closest to yielding to this temptation , a song came over the radio about a woman who had also been holding onto hope for a long time and couldn 't bear to change the course of her future . After that I couldn 't help but change my position and decide to go another direction . I looked at my foot and hoped the corn on my toe wouldn 't push its way through my stocking until my return home . It was the same treatment that I had given a similar intruder on my other foot , with good results . The drive through town was anything but fresh in my mind , the incident with the train . My sister 's car nearly torn in half as it stopped just a little beyond the broken gate and the train struck it , pulling it apart just in front of the driver . He wasn 't a pretty sight as a flying piece of metal slashed across his face , leaving a streak of thick blood pooling on his cheek . He was taking a chance that he could make it across the tracks before the train , but I no longer had any interest in what he thought since he had risked our lives . We were sitting in the middle of a broken vehicle , scared to death as the train still whipped by us at about a hundred miles an hour . Although the tracks were meant of freight trains , occasionally a passenger train would fly across its rails as well . I think the driver was expecting the former and didn 't expect the gate to come down quite as quickly . " Son of a …… " the driver began , but stopped after realizing that every movement was going to pull at the jagged cut in his face and ended his tirade suddenly . It didn 't seem like such a small wound , although bloody , could produce such a sudden reaction . I glanced over at the busted window and saw a couple of women and a man standing at the front door , looking down at the damaged driver . I could see that they were afraid , but I didn 't expect them to turn away suddenly and begin retching in horror . As I got out of the back , the train still whistling by , I looked into the front seat as well . I could see that science could fix his face , but probably not the fact that the steering column was sticking into his stomach , just below the ribs . As a rule I would normally join the others at the disgust of the anyone showing his innards like that , but I guess was still shocked from my own brush with death . It seemed like a million people were shuffling around like cattle around the scene as soon as the train was gone . I only hoped they had enough sense to keep the tracks clear for the next train . As I was being helped onto a stretcher , for a wound I hadn 't realized I had yet , I noticed that all of them weren 't born with such common sense . They were piling across from the opposite side , not even looking down the tracks first . All I heard was , " We 'll be going to … . " before I passed out or something . From there it was moments of going in and out of consciousness as I recovered . It wasn 't too long before the hospital ejected me and I found myself on an island with someone 's wife looking down at me . Apparently I had hit my head on something in the back of the Limousine and didn 't realize it . I looked out ahead of me , trying to focus on a huge stone near the dock . Looking up into the sky I noticed the thin clouds and then looked down at myself lying across a colorful beach lounge chair . I inhaled sharply as I looked at my body , clearly not anywhere near the weight I remembered before the accident . " Am I dead ? " I asked aloud , thinking that I must be dreaming if not actually deceased . " This doesn 't make sense . " I added after hearing no answer to the first question . I tried to figure it out myself , but my addition wasn 't working like it should , too many parts of my memory were missing . I saw my brother standing over me next , and I figured that he was also a result of my head injury . He hadn 't been back to this state for many years . I bit my lip to try to regain some sense of consciousness , but all it did was make my mind race some more . Various things spun n my head , but nothing of note that helped me know where I was . I recalled being on my sister 's island , and being led from the boat and across the dock that I was just staring at . I recognized the flower garden that I had seen before , the smell of it both shocked me and pleased me with the amount of pollen floating into my nose from it . From that period until this moment , neither could I remember my own injury , nor what had happened since . My brother told me I had severely banged a region of my brain that dealt with memory . The ride from the accident and until now might always be a huge hole to me . I had to look forward to life from here on , it was anyone 's guess as to what would happen from here on it . His advice didn 't seem very important while I was still wondering if I even recognized him for sure . A paper was held before me to sign , and I recall that it had about a thousand zero 's behind a big number six . " Money isn 't going to be your problem any longer . " He was telling me . I hadn 't a clue what he meant , but I shivered suddenly . I felt a rough material cover me quickly after watching it float in my general direction . Reacting to it was difficult , my hand didn 't respond like I wanted it to and I had to wait while it settled over me . I wasn 't cold , but something in the mention of money had made me shiver . I didn 't even know why . I felt wrong lying here most days , but had to look ahead when my arms and hands worked together like a pair once again . Whatever month of the year it was , the temperature wasn 't bad and I got to test this every day with the dog . Being stubborn , I began to force myself to do this repetition every moment I was brought out to the beach chair . But time passed eventually , and soon I was at a party being hosted in my honor . I slipped into a yellow dress was hanging in the closet of the room I was staying it . " I 've no recall of this . " I was telling my sister , who wasn 't paying attention as usual . She was only concerned with her own part of running this party for me . I turned to the mirror and was quite amazed at the color of my skin . It was a dark brown , subject to the sun while lying on the beach . It had a exposure from the south that baked me while I played with the dog . " He 's necessary , especially if we are to get through this forest of paper . There must be a copy of all of these for the permanent record . And we have to do it before we meet that committee or we 'll be running into a brick wall . " I sat down quickly in the chair in front of the mirror , many things returning to my mind . I traced the shape of a figure eight on the cloth with my fingertip and tried to speak , but was breathless . The rest of those zero 's had amounted to millions between the comma 's and the dollars written after them . I was rich , and maybe even richer than my sister . My mind whirled as I began throwing everything around that was appearing back into my once nearly vacant memory . I had so much to remember , and they sort . Putting those numbers written on the paper , and the statements made outside my door was going to be harder . I had no idea what was going on out there , but everything else was coming back to me . Oh , by the way Alex , I keep forgetting to mention that I kept the 1200 words highlighted in red within the writing , and if the blog page doesn 't remove it , it is there for the checking . If not , I would gladly give you a copy of my saved pages , for whatever use you might for it . … . also by the way , or P . S . S . - I 'm halfway done . : - ) I was shocked to put it bluntly . In all the attempts he made to make money , I never expected his latest to be a book . While he had always continued to fish for new ideas , writing a book had never been even remotely a possibility that I would have expected . I looked at the cover again , looking at the red banner that ran across the upper half of it . It still proclaimed how many copies of it had already been sold . He was suddenly out of the picture as far as having a reason to want my money , and especially not to have me killed . While it was true that we would never have the same relationship we once had a long time ago , I couldn 't believe he hated me enough to cause me any harm , now that the financial aspect of it was removed . Among the group of reasons I believed he may have had reason was if he had endured himself with some shady financial dealings that he had to pay off or he 'd be killed or injured himself . I had read too many novels while sitting in the sun on the island , and it was an easy conclusion to jump to . I decided to spend some money doing my own search for who my attacker was , along with finding out more about the good doctor who had tried to ruin me financially . I employed an agency nicknamed " The " Security Dome " from another city . I had no real good contacts within this town since mine had been cut with the killing of my financial friend . At this point I had no more than suspicion , but with all the other things happening around me , I wasn 't going to close the door on that possibility , just because the police wouldn 't face the possibility of it . I figured it was my move , and in turn I had hired the detective team . Anything I found out I could turn over to the police later , assuming that they had begun some kind of case . Of course , if they didn 't , they would probably begin one after I or someone else in my family had been killed or more obviously threatened again . " I 'm certainly not going down there . " I stated firmly when he suggested that I go with him . I had no idea why he would even request it since the friend had been identified several different ways , including his vehicle , his identification , which hadn 't been burned up since it was in his wallet and he had been sitting on it that morning . The car was the most obvious since I told them I had watched him drive away in it , and even I didn 't have any difficulty recognizing the make and model of it . The investigator went down and seen it anyway , as soon as I paid his up - front money . He was still adamant about his course of action , even though I am usually pretty persuasive , and I couldn 't see any use in doing it myself . I guess he had to see for himself and that was all there was to it . I didn 't understand the detective work so I guess I had to allow him his five minutes of doing it his way , if it would go toward whatever purpose he saw fit . Now I would have to wait and see how his information would play out , and if it could be used if they ever found out who was harassing me . After putting my money towards his bills , he promptly left . He said he had to go across the city where the vehicle or the body was being kept , I was a little rattled by the whole discussion and missed the point of why he kept mentioning it to me . All I wanted was to learn who was behind my fears and put him in the hands of the police . I knew it was a risk , but I had to get out of the house for the afternoon . I felt a little bit of comfort knowing that someone was watching besides the man with the rifle . At one point I was sure that it had been the doctor in the woods with the rifle , but the misapprehensions of the police confused me , and I was no longer sure . But my own eyes couldn 't be turned away from the fact that the doctor had been in front of this house . My camera couldn 't lie about that . Suddenly I had a reason to leave the house , and it was one that came over me with fear that I might forget and never bring it up again . I reached into the top drawer of a desk and pulled out the camera . I had thrown it with such force after taking the pictures that it had slide all the way to the back of the drawer and rested against the back of it there . My thought about taking a ride along the sea had been lost as I ran out of the room . I had no idea where the detective was going first , and the phone number he had given me wouldn 't answer . I would have to stop at the morgue first , hoping he would be there . If I missed him by going to the police vehicle lockup sight first , I would probably never run into him , even if I did change my route . I had several misgivings rolling through my mind as I decided to leave . I had heard that it was a good investigative service , and listened to the example that I had been given on their television commercial . I don 't believe everything that I hear of course , but the whole commercial seemed to be the thing that I needed for my own satisfaction . I was caught by the sun through the window and briefly returned to when I was so young and waiting to get on with my life . I did what I was told whenever possible , but no matter how one would try , something always interferes . It 's a fact of life that I knew long ago , and I was sure that nothing had changed after the last few examples recently . However , today I was beginning to make my own decisions , and during the talk with the personal spy , I think I had gotten across to myself that serving myself and making things happen would be the best for me . It certainly had to be better than I had been doing so far . I felt like I was doing some kind of sentence rather than living a life . I had always held someone near as my support , and it was hard to let go , even now . The paper I had signed was as good a document as any that I was ever going to get to signify it . I put the white envelope into a drawer of the desk , which was becoming filled ever since I had placed my husband 's book into it . I had to end this story soon . All the investigations , fears , and even the hatred was beginning to give me second thoughts about whatever life remained ahead of me . I had to do a quick study of myself . I was tired of being a reactor to someone else 's life . I wanted to paint my own picture , even if it was a night scene . I had let my negative thoughts control me so long already . Always afraid to disappoint my father , even when we left his body in the country and moved to the city . I had to discover another light to follow from now on , my own . I had to change my clothes first , yielding to my mother . Her advice was to always dress up for going into any kind of office . " You never know who you might meet . " She would repeat whenever we attempted to leave while carelessly dressed . Of course the implication was that we might meet a boy ( or a man ) , who worked in an office that would be suitable for a husband . I snickered while I dressed , remembering that the year I met my husband he was downtown trying to copyright something he had done . I walked around with my head high in the air for a year at the prospect of being married to such a creative person . When He asked for my hand in marriage I was far too much in love to think about the need for money or other living essentials . Even after that , and after some successes , I didn 't come down to earth for many years . I got to the morgue before I realized that I hadn 't even had a chance to page through his book . I was barely able to concentrate about it while I was determined to live . I also wasn 't sure if it might be one of those vanity presses that published strictly for the self - diluted , something that he could easily be according to his past behavior . I stuffed it into another drawer . I had almost retrieved it once , but began thinking about the financial hell he had caused and any kind thoughts about him disappeared . I tapped the desk above the drawer but never opened it . I scanned the parking for the car that I had watched leave my driveway , but I couldn 't find it . I was suddenly distracted by a single helicopter hanging over my head . For a long time I ignored it , allowing that it had something to do with the city , a police helicopter , a medical helicopter , or something of that nature . But traffic wasn 't that busy in the middle of the city where I was , and it didn 't seem to be moving anywhere . Eventually it took my attention from looking for the car . It was becoming annoying enough that I began fearing for my life once again . I hunkered down in the car like I was a chased animal . Once that feeling began I was soon in panic mode and almost hit a boy crossing the road in front of me . I hit the brakes hard , but not enough to catch his attention . Without so much as a glance to the side where I was threatening him , he made it to the grass on the other side of the street . He jumped on the grassy land with both feet as children often do while acting their age . He wandered off oblivious to the danger he had been in just seconds before . I took a deep breath and decided to return to my house . Then I changed my mind again and headed for the police department instead . I would make one more attempt to show them proof that the doctor had using some mysterious behavior around my house , something that warranted investigation . I also wanted to inform them that I had hired a private detective as well . I hated the thought of them arresting someone on my side by mistake . " You can 't keep me here ! " I shouted as I was roughly grabbed by the arms and lifted into the air . As I was carried up the stairs by the shoulders , I watched my bag of food split open as it hit the step . A bottle of milk smashed open , spreading out to form a fan shaped coating as it dripped down step after step , until it hit the sidewalk below and made a single line headed for the curb . It was obvious that it wasn 't important to the police that I had just paid good money for the groceries . I didn 't know where they went to school to learn such brutality , but it was certainly not any place I would want to go to . At the moment the only placed I was going was to jail . What in the world they had decided I certainly don 't know , but I was surprised that they hadn 't ripped me right out of my house after this display of suppressing my rights . I was asked my name and address together , like they were trying to trap me in a lie or something . I am often confused when faced with such aggression , and especially by the large men who now surrounded me . I couldn 't help but show that I was afraid of them , and they took advantage of it quickly . There were always those types around in any police force I guessed . They informed me of a few quick facts about why I was hauled in , and it was obvious that both of them thought they had caught me doing something . The first tidbit of information they faced me with was that they saw me run out of the house with a pistol and wave it at the two people around the red car below . They even claimed that I had fired a shot when it was in fact the sound of their car backfiring in their haste to leave . They next claimed that I had put some sort of explosive in the banker 's car . I might have been yelling while he was in the house about the stupid contract he had brought with him . While that may have been true , my temper had died down long before he left the house . Along with that , he also shook my hand at the top of the stairs . At the end of the accusations , the two enormous cops left me alone finally . I sat on the bench , thankful that I hadn 't been handcuffed to it . The three of us hadn 't fit very will on it , but I would never have pointed that out to those two if it was the last thing I would ever do . I read the sign behind the large wooden desk where the sergeant sat . " Did you read your prisoner his rights ? " was the big question . The sergeant sat right under it so that you couldn 't help but see it right there in your face . I hadn 't been read any rights , so I assumed that I hadn 't really been arrested at all . I was just being bullied . I had a cup of coffee on the arm of the bench , graciously given to me by one of the female cops with her own police techniques . I set it there carefully since it was pretty narrow . A line formed in front of the sergeant and I was thankful that I wasn 't in it . I wasn 't sure if the air had turned blue from the vocabulary that was coming from the new prisoners and their cop escorts , or if it was due to the acute smells in the air that they also brought with them . As I sat alone and silent on my bench , I watched as a blond girl . She was thin enough that I suspected that she was a hooker , and she certainly acted like one . I watched her give her arresting officer a kick in the shin that was surely going to give him a big blue bruise on his way home tonight . She should have been gentler cause the burly cop shoved her so hard into the bench that I was sitting on that my coffee flew off the arm and splattered across the floor . " I said Carissa , you big lummox . " She answered as we stared over the short distance between us . " It 's the same thing . " She claimed rather calmly , trying to appease him . She shuffled around , trying to ease the pain in her butt I imagine , while I sat very still . I was very confused at her appearance . I found her less than attractive with the large blonde wig hiding her face , a face that I had given her . Every little thing I remembered about her was changed , even the small details that I barely recognized . It was the second time that I had seen her since the accident , but only the first time that I had recognized her . " You were in the red car ! " I accused her wickedly . " What do you have to say for yourself ? " I yelled right into her face now , remembering the harassment she was apparently helping with . Before long several men were hustling around us and began to tell us that we would be leaving with them . We were hustled into a room that could only be used for interrogation . It fit the Hollywood depiction of it perfectly . " Me and the men were only trying to persuade you to give up some of that money you won . " She told me as she began realizing that I was still her mother , the one who had given up so much for her and taught her much better ways than blackmail . Then she began to tell me and the officers a great number of things that I was shocked to hear . To the police it was old hat , something they had heard a hundred times before . Karen went on and on , while the cops went off and returned again . One would go away while keeping a couple different faces in our room as came and went out of the room . Karen was sobbing terribly and I put a hand on her arm to comfort her while she continued her stories . I couldn 't help but wonder why she had gotten so deeply into something that made me the sufferer . I listened about the doctor who wanted to ' take her under his arm ' while her mother was likely to die from her wounds on the island . Here and there he eventually took her into his warped , twisted world where only revenge was acceptable . I was his target for having escaped his plan , and ruined his life as a doctor along with it . Karen was unable to take such emotional pressure and easily fell victim to his treachery . She was well into helping him to get money from me , having heard his morbid twisting of the facts . He had left her stay at his place , still letting her believe I was the evil one , and that he was only trying to even the score between us . He took her heart like a thief does , just because it served his purposes . Her turmoil must have been horrible through the three hours in that interrogation room . All the work that the criminal doctor had done was unraveling quickly . Soon the police would come to his apartment and then return to this building . I hoped he came in very tight handcuffs . Another round of questions came around when they began asking about the murder of the banker . By that time they also didn 't think that it was my doings at all . They were shuffling papers back and forth between them . They began to look at them and shuffle them as they passed them right and left , and restacked them several times . It was the same thing for another day . I had realized that my daughter was only aware of the attempts to blackmail or otherwise get money from me . Any attempts that were made on my life , or facts about the killing of the banker were kept from her . It was too bad for the doctor , because it pointed out to everyone that he was the man behind all of the efforts to get revenge on me . Oh , unless you count on ' our ' secretary back at the offices where he had been thrown out . His real girlfriend , aside from his wife , did write the paperwork that kept things moving in the illegal department . Along with new information that my daughter was supplying about her dearest friend in the attorney 's office , the one who switched the will that I was supposed to have signed . It was good to hear all of these things that now cleared my daughter of most all of the charges . The police let her go without so much as a warning . It was clear that back when the doctor had grabbed her mercilessly and corrupted her , she was no match for his conniving . She was so broken by what had happened , and her own guilt , that I wondered if she could ever get through the horrible year into her past . I hoped that it was possible , but for the time being , I just wanted to get to know her again . It had been a very long time . The biggest lesson I had to learn was how integrated this town was . It seemed that most of the people in it were either related , or at least well known by each other . Where the division occurred was right between the richest of the rich , and everyone else . But since there were just so many people in the city , some crossing did occur . While we in the lower segment of the population were called all sorts of off - colored words , the realization occurred to them that the rich couldn 't live without people to serve them . After a while this led to a sort of contamination . Very few people ever actually crossed the dividing line , and if it were the will of the rich , very little ever would either . The plan had been in action long before I was born , and was the established pattern of life around here . " May I never become as crazy as those people , no matter how much money I eventually get from the hospital . " I told Karen . I will use the money for much better purposes than just to make more money . I will find some way of making our family better . " I told her , but I only wished that I had a better idea how to do that . As we sat on a picnic table she laid the book I had given to her down on its top . I wondered if she could understand her father , or me for that matter , after what I did to her opinion of him over the years . I made many statements that were out of anger at my worry over finances . It was my luck that this windfall came after all of the hardship . I supposed that most people suffered the same fate , and probably never got the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow . Now and then I wondered just who was responsible in the first place for the whole mess . I knew it 's easy to blame the rotten doctor , but I had been naïve when I first came to him and was more than a little intimidated by his advances . I watched him make some questionable moves , but he seemed to understand the word ' no ' , at least for the time . I could have been more careful about where I met him for reports , but I really had to go by his time , as we all do when we visit a doctor 's office . I couldn 't see that I was responsible though , he clearly had ideas that seemed to him as an easy plan that he was sure to like . He saw the two of us together , and afterward , using my daughter was just as moral and ethical and her own weaknesses due to my ' accident ' . With the investigation and interrogation of the ' good ' doctor , more and more was found out to fill in the time between his first encounter with me , and when it all came apart . He has plenty of time to look into his own guilt while he spends it behind bars for one murder , and many other criminal complaints . This would have to include my injuries as Trudy ( my sister ) had her car tampered with by a mechanic of the doctor . These facts came out after the brakes were discovered to have been damaged . He had made this attempt so that I would be punished , but not necessary killed . He intended to revive his attempts on me after the island stay though , so that I couldn 't question anything about it after healing . He feared that some or many of my memories would come back about seeing his Mistress in the supermarket . She was helping him plan then , and continued to help him . She didn 't want me in the picture in the first place , but if I could be knocked off afterward , that would please them both , and her in particular since I would be out of the way . She was always up to trouble , but she seemed so sweet that I never knew she was following me . I didn 't find out exactly how involved she was , but I expected that it was about up to her neck . Each of them deserved a long time in jail . She was also the one that arranged for meetings between my daughter and the doctor while he worked on her will to assist in my blackmail . Suddenly I jumped back to my feet , having sat down on the picnic table with my daughter . " Do you still carry those binoculars in your car ? " I was asked suddenly by Karen . She was standing up on one of the seats herself , with me standing on the grass , she was an inch or two taller than I was . She was looking down the river with a hand shielding her eyes . " What can you see ? " I asked , not seeing anything but a couple of birds that were there for our enjoyment , paddling on the bank of the river . We first came here when they were further down the river and were all seeming to group together as them came nearer . What they were doing , only ducks knew . But I enjoyed them whether or not I knew their motivations . " Have I got some bad news from the river . " She said as she focused the glasses way down the river . " I can 't see for sure from this angle … " she paused and turned the thumbscrew . " But that looks to be the good doctor and his wench at the helm of that huge boat . " I looked but nearly passed out with disbelief . I sat down on the table again . " They couldn 't have gotten out again ? " I nearly cried . " Are you kidding ? " I said as I ran for the bridge . I felt completely insane as I stood on it as he was turning around for a tenth time , mocking us . I couldn 't believe that he had won once again . It blinded me as I leaned over the edge of the railing that went from one end of the other . " You Bastard ! " I yelled as he passed under me . " Is this what you want ? " I yelled as I tore at my blouse and threatened to tear it open . While he glanced towards me , and in the same instance that his girlfriend was jerking his arm to get his attention . I watched his hand slip on the wheel and come off . A second later the boat slide sideways and they both fell into the bottom of the boat . The last I saw of it was when it hit a solid cement buttress and crumpled , then exploded into a fire ball that enveloped the bridge from below . Orange flames were everywhere and continued to burn for several minutes both under and above the bridge . I watched in horror , even though I hated them . They could not have survived the crash , much less the explosion and burning of the boat . I wondered if he had spent a lot of his money to fill the boat to capacity before heading down the river , thinking that it may have been money well spent , finally . Top Posts & Pages : The World Is Still A Pretty Awesome Place Photos . . . Friday Story Bazaar ~ Tale Forty - Nine How Politically Correct Should Writers Be ? Can Nonfiction Be Literary ? Is the tone of your prose in tune with your novel ? A simple exercise with Pharrell Williams and Yellow Magic Orchestra Writing Challenge ~ Use The 1200 Most Common Words To Write A Story . . . Diagramming Sentences ~ A Lost Art ? Friday Story Bazaar Two Important Warnings for Writers ~ False News & Toxic Advice 10 Sites with # Free # Ebooks Top Tags > Larger Words Mean More Posts # mainstreetwriters Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :

" I don 't care about money ! I told you already , we can both get jobs and work . As long as we 're together I don 't care what happens . " " Don 't you love me , Henry ? Don 't you want to be with me ? " Henry pulled her to his chest and kissed her passionately . " I love you with every breath I take , Lin . I just want to make sure we can get away from here , from all of this . The Chiang family 's control spans over many states . If I can get us enough money maybe we can go to California … far away from their loyal followers . Dr . Wong shook his head . " I won 't allow it . You have been pledged to Peter Chiang , one day you will marry him . It 's best that you just forget this Henry boy . " Dr . Wong 's demeanor changed to one of remorse and he absently caressed her hair as he did when she was a small girl . " You must honor the Wong name and stand behind the commitment I made when you were just a little girl ! It will be best for all concerned ! " Lin left his side and walked into her room and stared rebelliously out the window . " How can you ask me to marry a man I don 't love , Grandfather ? ! " she muttered . " How can a man who knows nothing about me bring me happiness ? " Dr Wong closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep but was plagued by the look in his granddaughter 's eyes . He would come to know that the only thing he succeeded in doing that night was to drive the young lovers closer together . Over the next few months , they became more creative in finding stolen moments to be alone and the two fell into an even deeper love . But it was a beautiful , impossible love . Everyone was against them . No one wanted them together except the young lovers themselves . All of the girl 's arguments fell on deaf ears and the desire to disobey was great . Still , custom dictated that young woman obey her family 's wishes . To go against them was unheard of , and Dr . Wong did not believe she would do that . One day , Lin Wong sat in her basement and thought back to the last time she heard of her fate . The day her grandfather destroyed her dreams for her future : What he had to tell his granddaughter would not be easy . She had known since she was a young girl that she was pledged to marry a boy . What she didn 't know was that the time had come to honor the pledge made by him so many years ago . Dr . Wong sighed . " Lin , I have met with Chiang Lo Yi . " Lin nodded but a fear had settled into the pit of her stomach . Dr . Wong looked at that fear as it flittered across his granddaughter 's eyes . " Chiang and I have decided that it is time for the union between you and his grandson . A union with Peter would be beneficial for everyone concerned . It will be the joining of two proud bloodlines and it will produce many fine grandchildren . " Lin shook her head and answered quietly . " But Grandfather , I do not love Peter Chiang " Dr . Wong shrugged his shoulders as he nodded sadly . " No , but perhaps you will learn to love him . " Lin shot to her feet . " No ! I have told you I am in love with Henry Pei . He holds my heart and I will love him forever . If he would ask me , I would marry him instantly . " " Henry Pei is a poor boy who has nothing to offer you . Peter Chiang comes from one of the most influential families in Chinatown . Their wealth will bring you security and . . . in time . . . perhaps happiness . " Lin started to cry . " But it won 't bring me love . " Dr . Wong walked over to her . " Lin , I am an old man . I will not be around forever . I wish to see you taken care of as your father would have seen to it had he still been alive . " Lin pleaded with him . " Grandfather , I 'm an adult . I don 't need to be taken care of anymore , but I do need to be loved … " " You know that after your parents died , I had to bring you here . Chiang Lo helped me to do that . It was decided then that when the time came you and Peter would be joined . You will do this for me . You will honor my commitment . " Lin knew that he ordered her to do this . She was raised to be obedient and she must follow her grandfather 's wishes . She walked away from him , distraught and with the knowledge that the time of the union was upon them , she was desperate . She didn 't know how to stop the wedding . " William is sending me to Dr . Wong 's for some herbs he needs for cooking . Do you need me to pick up anything for you ? " Vincent knew that it had been a month since he had last ventured to Dr . Wong 's . He knew Father 's supply was running low . Father smiled at his son , thankful for his thoughtfulness . " Yes Vincent , thank you , please pick - up my standard order and ask if I could have an additional half order . " Father remembered that Mary had almost fainted when after the cave - in he suggested that she be the one to put stitches in his head . " Mary stitched it ? However did she manage ? " Vincent sighed . He did not want his Father to feel guilty for not being the one to take care of him and he knew that he would . " Actually , Mary anesthetized the area and I stitched it myself . " Vincent came over and pulled up his pant leg . Father gasped at the black and blue marks on his son 's legs then studied the cut carefully , looking for infection . He noticed how tight the stitches were and grunted in satisfaction . " Still . . . Vincent your strength amazes me . I meant to tell you how proud you made me during the cave - in . You took charge and never once let me falter . " " I wasn 't so strong , Father . On the inside , I was an emotional wreck . I 've never been as frightened in my life as I was when I couldn 't find you in the rubble and later towards the end when it seemed as if you were giving up . If they hadn 't broken through when they did . . . " Father reached up and held his son 's head . " You would have managed , as you always do . " He kissed Vincent 's forehead . " Let 's just give thanks that Catherine was around . " Vincent nodded . " I might stop at Catherine 's on my way home from Dr . Wong 's . It has been awhile since I last saw her and . . . . " He stopped and dropped his head shyly . " And you miss her . " Father chuckled . " Vincent , it 's only been two days since you saw her last . " Vincent thought for a second and realized Father was correct . " It seems like longer . " Father shook his head with amusement . " There is nothing wrong with that , She 's a good person and has become a good friend to all of us . " Vincent mumbled to himself . " If not more . " " HMMM , what was that ? " " Nothing , I 'm leaving . I 'll try not to be late . " Vincent turned to leave . Father called out to his son 's back . " Tell Catherine I said hello and please be careful . " Father couldn 't see Vincent roll his eyes but he noticed the wave of his hand in acknowledgment . Dr . Wong looked up as he mixed Father 's special blend . He nodded then grabbed another scoop of herbs and rolled it into its own package . " You tell him , I say to take this . Mix a small amount into his tea . No questions , he will find great relief and be back to himself in no time . " Dr . Wong chuckled as he reminisced about how long he had been fixing this blend for Father . Vincent smiled saying he remembered coming here often as a boy . " What I remember is you always helping Lin with her problems . It was nice of you to help someone so much younger than yourself . You always managed to help her find her way , no matter how trivial the problem seemed . " " Loneliness can be conquered by reading a book or turning on the TV or radio . " Dr . Wong scoffed . " Hunger … true hunger robs you of your ability to reason . When your body enters starvation mode it craves nourishment . When none is forthcoming it will slowly shut down all but the few organs that it needs to exist . " Meanwhile , Lin had sat at a dinner in honor of her coming wedding . Chiang Lo announced it was to take place in three weeks . She couldn 't hide her true feelings and as Peter Chiang saw her home that night she was reprimanded by him for disgracing he and his family . He demanded she accept her future and act as though she were happy . Lin didn 't know that as they spoke , across town Henry Pei was being beaten up by Peter 's friends as a warning to stay away from Lin . Peter dropped her off at her home and after he left , Henry came out from around the corner . Lin was devastated by what had happened to him . He begged her to run away with him but she was afraid now . Afraid to disobey her grandfather , afraid they would hurt Henry if she did leave with him . She left Henry outside with a promise to get back to him . She needed time to think of a plan . She walked into her grandfather 's store and her grandfather inquired about her announcement dinner . Lin started arguing with him , desperate to try to sway him to her way of thinking . Dr . Wong pointed out that they had a guest and Lin looked up and saw Vincent . She looked at him apologetically . " Vincent . " Vincent felt badly that he had overheard their private conversation but he could see Lin 's distress . " What has made you so unhappy ? " Lin shook her head . " Hasn 't my grandfather told you ? I 'm to be married . " Vincent looked at her quizzically . " A wedding . . . should be a time of joy . " " Not in Chinatown . " Lin muttered disgustedly as she walked away . Vincent shook his head in confusion . " She does not love him . " Dr . Wong shrugged . " Well perhaps she will learn to love him , it is going to be a good marriage . " He told Vincent of the debt he felt he owed to Chiang Lo for his help in bringing Lin here from Tai Pei . " Now she thinks she is in love with another , a poor boy . What can he hope to give her ? " Vincent 's thoughts turned to his relationship with Catherine and he was able to answer honestly . " His heart . " Dr . Wong looked down . In his heart , he knew Vincent was right . He wished Lin could afford to marry for love but he knew he had little to offer . He thought it would be better to ensure her financial security instead . Vincent looked up the stairs towards where Lin had gone . " Perhaps I could talk to Lin . " Dr . Wong nodded his head gratefully . " You 're a good son , Vincent . You know about duty . Perhaps it would help , thank you . " Vincent nodded . He came over and sat in a chair at their kitchen table . He and Lin had a lot of conversations at this table . Lin set a cup in front of him and poured him a very tasty blend of tea . Lin shook her head . " I don 't think you could help me with matters of the heart … " Vincent looked down with shame . Lin realized he thought she meant because of who . . . or what he was . She rushed to quickly explain her statement . " What I meant to say , Vincent is that this is not some teenage problem of mine that you can offer me advice for . This is a problem of grave consequence . " Vincent 's head didn 't move . Lin realized her statement did little more than make it worse . It made it sound like Vincent couldn 't handle anything but trivial problems . Lin shook her head and reached out her hand to him . " Vincent , I 'm so upset I am saying this all wrong ! Let me start over . You are a man , and as a man you think differently than a woman . . . " Vincent looked up , intrigued to see where this was going . " Why do you say that ? " Lin smiled that he forgave her earlier rumblings and continued . " Because when a man thinks about a woman all he sees is someone that must be taken care of , provided for . He feels that financial security is an attribute that will bring a woman happiness . " Lin rolled her eyes . " Men are so stupid ! Yes , to some extent a woman thinks about where she 'll live and what she 'll eat . But if a woman truly loves a man she will eat rice for every meal and sleep on a mat on the dirt floor if she can be next to the one she loves . " Vincent felt a slight pull at his heart . Could this explain why Catherine would sit with him night after night on a hard cement balcony instead of in her comfortable apartment ? He looked at Lin quizzically . " What about children ? Doesn 't a woman want to know that a man will always have enough to provide for his children ? " " When I think of Henry , I think of how proud I would be to put a son in his arms . I think of how beautiful our baby would be . I am young and strong , I will work side by side with Henry every day to provide for our family . He doesn 't need to do it alone , we will be partners . " Tears welled up in her eyes . " Vincent , the thought of being married and having children with a man I do not love is one I can 't bear to think about right now . There are times when the image of Peter Chiang 's hands on me is enough to send me to the bathroom to be sick . " Vincent sighed , Lin was right . There was little advice that he had to offer her . He wished he could find the words that would bring her comfort but he knew anything he said would be inadequate . " Lin , follow your heart . Perhaps it will lead you to a solution . " Vincent smiled . He knew at this age , boys and girls still thought that the other had ' cooties ' . Vincent caught Lin 's eye . " What 's the boy 's name ? " Vincent thought of Mitch Denton . He knew from his own dealings that every once in awhile there was a child that was just plain mean . He himself had learned to stay clear of those children . " Well , then perhaps you should sit with the older people . You know , Lin . Sometimes when you spend time with them you find that they have wonderful stories from the past . " Lin looked up and pondered the wisdom of his statement . She smiled when she thought of Peter 's grandmother . She was a very kind woman and Lin liked her . She could see herself listening to this woman 's stories . Dr . Wong looked surprised . An hour ago , he and Lin argued about her going , now she seemed like she was looking forward to it . He turned to Vincent . " Whatever you said worked . It is important for Lin to go and spend time with this family . " Vincent ignored the puzzling comment . He wanted to get back for a concert that was going on tonight in the park . " Thanks for the herbs , Dr . Wong . " Both chuckled as Vincent turned and left . Lin and Vincent met many times after that . Lin came to Vincent seeking his opinion and they spent countless nights together in the basement talking . Lin appreciated Vincent 's wisdom , and Vincent appreciated the friendship he had with Lin . Her talks helped pass the endless hours he spent Below , waiting for the sky to darken so he could walk in the park . His mind wandered back to the present . He wished he could find a solution for Lin that would make everyone happy but he feared that it would be impossible . Lin had an unfortunate choice to make . He returned the hug , surprised at the unusual exuberance in her greeting . " Hello , Catherine . " Catherine had recently told Vincent she loved him . . . well , indirectly but she had told him . She wanted him to know she truly meant it . " How 's Father today ? Has he recovered from the accident ? " He knew she was referring to the cave - in he and Father had recently been trapped in . " He is healing quickly , he sends his greetings . " " I 'm glad he 's doing well , tell him I said hello . " She wondered about his melancholy mood . " And how are you , Vincent ? You seem . . . distracted . " Vincent shook his head . " I 've just received some troubling news . " " Then why don 't you share it with me ? " He stood for a moment gathering his thoughts then sighed as he looked out over the city . " Why does it seem as though the world conspires to keep lovers apart ? " She thought he was talking about them and caught onto his melancholy mood . " Or brings them together when it 's impossible . " They looked deeply into each other 's eyes , both understanding that they were talking about their life together . Vincent shied away from the intensity of the moment and told her the story of another couple . " There is a man , Catherine . A good man , who for more years than I can count has helped us selflessly , kept our secrets . I know him , I know how gentle and wise he is and how much he loves his granddaughter . Yet now he is trying to force her to marry a man she does not love . " Catherine looked confused . " How could he do that ? This is the 20th century there are no arranged marriages . " " Not in your world or in mine , but Chinatown is another world … apart from both of ours . " " How does the girl feel ? " " She 's angry and afraid . She would like to comply with her grandfather 's wishes but her heart is crying out against it . " Catherine came closer . " Would you like me to talk to her , Vincent ? " He nodded gratefully . " I think Lin would like that . It 's good of you to try to comfort her , talk to her in this troubling time . " " I know what it 's like to want to comply with your family 's wishes . I also know how hard it is to venture out against them . If I could offer her any advice I would . I don 't understand though , why does her grandfather want her to marry a man she doesn 't love ? " Catherine rolled her eyes and shook her head . " He has his love and that 's worth so much more than all the money in the world . " Vincent nodded . Those were almost the same words that Lin had just spoken to him . Maybe there was truth to her statement that men and women think differently about love . Catherine smiled , hoping Vincent would catch on to her double meaning . Vincent caught her eye then lowered his head , unable to accept the truth in Catherine 's words . Catherine noticed his embarrassment and changed the subject . " Vincent , who is this girl ? " " Her name is Lin Wong . " " Do you have her address ? " Vincent shrugged . " I always enter through the basement but she lives at Wong 's Herb Company in Chinatown its on Pell Street . " " Thank you , Catherine . I think Lin would love to talk to another woman . " Catherine looked at him quizzically as he rushed to explain . " She 's just explained to me that men and women approach problems of the heart differently . I 'm beginning to think there 's some truth to her statement . " Catherine shrugged her shoulders . " Well , I 'll be there for Lin if she needs me , and you are quite welcome . " She touched his arm and smiled at him . " Do you want to read for awhile ? Or we could listen to some music ? " " He is , he 's still sore from the accident . I 'm hoping if he has some of the herbs tonight he can get a peaceful sleep . I hope you understand . " Catherine addressed the pretty young girl behind the register . " Lin Wong ? " Lin nodded , smiling . " Yes ? " Catherine extended her hand . " I 'm Catherine Chandler . I 'm a friend of Vincent 's . " Lin took her hand and shook it . " Any friend of Vincent 's is a friend of mine . It 's nice to meet you , Catherine . " Catherine noticed Lin 's smile wasn 't reflected in her eyes . Lin blinked in surprise . " For me ? What could you possibly do for me ? " " Vincent was upset about your situation last night . He told me about your problem . I offered to see if I could help . Is there anything I can do for you ? Do you need someone to talk to , or can I help in any other way ? " " No one can help me , Catherine . Vincent has offered me advice my whole life . Now when I need a solution quickly , he doesn 't know what to say . I don 't think he 's had a lot of experience with problems of the heart . " Lin sat back and told Catherine everything . Catherine saw how distressed she became when she talked of her coming nuptials . And she noticed how her face lit - up when she spoke of Henry Pei . She offered to help the young lovers . She told Lin she understood about duty to family but she said Lin should have the right to choose her own future . Lin explained to Catherine how things worked in the Chinese community . How she struggled with going against her grandfather 's wishes . Catherine smiled . " From Vincent . He taught me to face my fears and go out into the world and do whatever I wanted to do … to find my own happiness . " Catherine chuckled when she remembered saying similar words to Vincent . " Lin , sometimes I wanted to give up . It was so hard but it was at those times I thought about Vincent and drew strength from the knowledge that there was someone who believed in me , believed in my dreams . " " Lin , my father was very upset with me , very concerned for the changes I was suddenly making in my life . But he loves me and he understands about my choices . He may not like them but he knows that I 'm happy and that makes him happy . " " Catherine , thank you , you have given me much to think about . I wish I could talk with Henry but it 's too dangerous right now . I 'll have to make this decision on my own . " Lin told her Henry was beaten up last night by Peter 's gang members as a warning to stay away from her . Catherine said she could help protect Henry but Lin refused . She didn 't want to get any more people involved in the war the Chiang 's were sure to start . She lied and told Catherine she and Henry would be okay . After Catherine left , Lin asked Vincent to give her and Henry permission to come below for sanctuary . She pleaded her case to Vincent , who sympathized with her situation and promised to talk to Father for her . On her way home , Lin made a quick decision and went to Henry 's restaurant that night . She told Henry that they were leaving together the next night . She told him she was taking him to a forgotten place , a secret place where they could be safe . " Hello , Mary . Am I interrupting ? I need to speak with Father about an urgent matter . " Father shook his head . " No , Mary was just leaving . " Vincent apologized . " I 'm sorry , Mary , I didn 't mean to intrude . " Mary patted Vincent on the cheek . " Don 't be silly , Vincent . I was just getting up to go to the nursery . " She left and Vincent turned to his Father . " Lin Wong asked me to speak to you on her behalf . " Father 's brows rose in surprise . " Yes . " " She would like to bring a young man , Henry Pei , Below with her to stay for a while . " Father thought he understood and nodded . " The man that she is pledged to marry ? " " No , Dr . Wong has forbid her to see Henry … she does not love the man she is pledged to . " Father rubbed his temple in confusion . " Well , then why is she marrying him ? " " Because Dr . Wong has arranged for her to do so . " Father blew out a long breath . " Well then , Vincent . In respect for Dr . Wong , I must deny her request . " Vincent couldn 't believe Father 's reasoning . He was ready to go to battle for Lin . " How can we possibly deny them ? " " Well , to begin with , we 've never met this Henry Pei . How can we know we can trust him ? " " Because Lin trusts him . " Father ignored Vincent 's answer and continued his speech . " Not to mention the fact that Dr . Wong has expressly forbidden it , now we cannot just dismiss his part in this . " Vincent was getting angrier . " Lin is a woman , responsible only to herself . She is not Dr . Wong 's possession or any other man 's . " " But part of that responsibility includes a respect to the man who has done so much , sacrificed so much of himself for her . " Vincent 's started to raise his voice in anger . " So Lin must sacrifice herself ? ! Will the satisfaction from this comfort her during the endless nights to come ? ! Will it keep her warm on cold nights as she lies next to a man she does not love ? " " Dr . Wong knows what is best for Lin , " Father argued . Father looked at Vincent , acknowledged the truth in his statement then looked away . There it is ! Vincent could see in his father 's eyes the change in direction of his thoughts . He had managed to sway his father 's opinion . He backed down , safe in the knowledge they would be together in this . Father nodded and sighed . " Very well , I 'll present her case to the council . " " There is no longer time for that . " Father looked at his son and smiled . " Then … you and I must share the responsibility for our decision . " Vincent nodded his head gratefully . He was proud that his father trusted him enough to side with him . " Thank you , Father . " That same afternoon , Catherine met with Henry Pei . She offered to help him and he too denied her request . He tried to explain that China Town operated under its own set of laws . She was frustrated with the lovers , but she left Henry her card and told him to call if he needed anything . That night , Henry met Lin as they planned . When they started to walk to the back of the store , to the tunnel entrance , Peter Chiang walked around the corner . His gang members surrounded the couple . Henry told Lin to run and she took off for the entrance to the tunnels . Some of the gang members pursued her , but she got away when she entered the hidden door . Peter Chiang drew a knife out and he and Henry fought . Peter inadvertently stabbed himself with his own knife and died out in the street . Fearing for his life , Henry took off and hid . Lin ran to the tunnels . She called out for help and one of the sentries heard her . She told him who she was and asked to speak to Vincent . The sentry brought her to Father 's study . Vincent was surprised as she walked in . " Lin ? " " Vincent , I couldn 't wait to hear your decision , something dreadful has happened . " Vincent turned to him . " Father , do you remember Lin Wong ? " Father smiled . " Of course , though you were much younger when I saw you last . " Lin smiled demurely . " Yes , sir , and I remember your kindness last time I was here . " Vincent sensed Lin 's distress . " Father , Lin was about to tell me something of grave importance . " Father nodded . " I 'm sorry Lin , go ahead . " " Peter Chiang came after Henry and I tonight . Henry told me to run and I barely got away , but I fear for what may have happened to Henry . If anything has happened to him . . . I was afraid to go home , so I came here , I 'm sorry . " Vincent touched her shoulder . " Lin , I sent word earlier that you and Henry would be welcomed here . " Father thought about how in a single evening Catherine had found out about his entire life before he entered the tunnels . He smiled wryly . " If Catherine sets her mind to finding Henry , she 'll find him . Now , Lin , it 's late . Would you like to stay Below with us tonight ? " " Yes , please . After what I did tonight I can never go back to grandfather 's store . Peter will also search for me and I don 't want to be the one his anger is directed at . " Father called for Mary and asked her to show Lin to a guest chamber . Vincent left to go to Catherine 's . Catherine was asleep but woke upon hearing Vincent 's tap at her window . She knew immediately that something was wrong . She ran to the balcony and opened the door . " Lin and Henry were to come Below tonight . They were on their way when the man Lin was to marry came after them . Henry told Lin to run and Peter 's men chased her . She doesn 't know what happened to Peter or Henry . She can 't go back to look for them and she can 't get a hold of Henry . " Catherine nodded . " Okay , I 'll call around . See what I can find out , I 'll let you know if I get any information . " Keith chuckled . " You got radar or something , Cath ? Peter Chiang was found dead tonight outside a store in Chinatown . He was stabbed by his own knife , it had his initials engraved on it . Who 's Henry Pei ? " Catherine showered and dressed then headed for the office . She knew Henry would need her at some point . She hoped she would be able to uncover more of the truth to help him when he needed it . The next afternoon , Henry finally called Catherine for help . He told her Lin said she was going to take him to a secret place . Henry admitted to Catherine that he killed Peter Chiang but he swore it was in self defense . Catherine believed him and asked Henry if he could meet her somewhere , she believed she knew where Lin was . Catherine wrote a quick note to Vincent telling him that Peter was dead and that Henry finally contacted her . She told him she was meeting Henry and would bring him Below . On her way to meet Henry , she left the message to Vincent with another helper . Henry wasn 't aware of it but he was followed to the place where he was to meet Catherine . They were walking down the street when he turned around and saw the gang member right behind them . He and Catherine ran and managed to get into a tunnel entrance . Vincent , brought by Catherine 's fear , met them at the entrance . Henry looked up and slammed to a stop when he saw Vincent . Catherine grabbed him and pushed him through the entrance and Vincent slammed the steel door shut behind them . Henry stood there with his mouth wide open . Catherine made the introductions . " Henry , this is Vincent . He 's the secret friend Lin spoke about . Vincent , this is Henry . " Vincent extended his hand . " Hello , Henry . " Henry shook it and apologized . " Hello , I 'm sorry my manners are usually much better . " Vincent , used to people 's reactions , shrugged . " That 's understandable considering the unusual circumstances . " Henry smiled . " Is Lin here ? " The three walked quickly but Henry took in his surroundings . " Vincent , this place is amazing . " Vincent nodded and Catherine took his hand then turned to Henry . " So are the people who live here . " They were soon entering Father 's study . Vincent entered first and nodded at his Father . Lin came from across the room and ran into Henry 's arms . Their love was almost visible in the air . Catherine turned to Vincent and smiled , she knew just how Lin felt . Vincent looked at Catherine and smiled back shyly . " I still can 't believe this is real , " Henry said . He was interrupted by the arrival of Dr . Wong who angrily stormed into the room . Father tried to soothe him . " Ah , my dear old friend , please try to understand . " " Are you aware that Peter Chiang was murdered ? " Dr . Wong asked . Dr . Wong 's eyes flashed angrily . " Doesn 't matter what he was doing . He 's dead and now Chiang Lo Yi won 't rest until he 's tasted revenge . He 'll kill you both ! " " No one is safe ! It 's you who don 't understand . They know about these tunnels , they 've been using them for over a century . He 'll send down a whole army , " Dr . Wong declared . The seriousness of the dilemma hit them hard . " Oh God , " Father said sitting in his chair . Vincent felt the impact of his decision . He had talked Father into allowing this to happen . In his desire to help Lin and Henry , who reminded him so much of Catherine and himself , he had failed to look at all the facts . It didn 't matter that the whole thing was a misunderstanding ; Vincent alone would shoulder the burden . It wasn 't long before Father and Vincent had the tunnel community organized and ready for the intrusion . All of the safety measures had been put into place . The children were safe and there were extra sentries posted everywhere . Henry wanted to surrender himself and Lin begged him to stay with her . Henry said that he had to do something . " This is my fight . " Vincent quietly addressed the room . " There will be no fight if we can help it . We will do everything in our power to avoid bloodshed . " " And what if you can 't ? " Henry asked . Vincent let everyone know his intentions . " This is our home they threaten . We will do what we must . " " You don 't know them , " Henry warned . Chiang Lo Yi 's men reported that they followed Henry and a woman into the tunnels . Chiang Lo did just as Dr . Wong predicted . He organized an army of heavily armed men and entered the tunnels . They split off into two groups and started to make their way though the tunnels . The sentries started reporting their progress . Mouse turned off the lights but the men had flashlights and continued rapidly forward . These men were warriors , they were not afraid of anything . They found the false walls that barricaded the tunnels and quickly knocked them down as they continued coming closer to the central tunnels . As they made steady progress and penetrated further , reports flooded into Father as he sat in the library . Father worriedly addressed the group . " They 've found our hidden doors and secret passageways . Both groups have penetrated into the lower levels . " Catherine was shocked . " Are you sure ? " Father nodded . " Jamie saw them pass . We 've been safe for so long and now they bring their violence and their hatred to our very home . " Vincent approached his Father and laid a hand on his shoulder . " They 've given us no choice . " Father turned from him and shook his head . " None . " Vincent threw his cloak on as he started to leave . " If I 'm not back within the hour you must flee . " Father couldn 't meet Vincent 's eyes . He was distraught at having to send his son out to take care of the problem . He wished there was another way but he knew that Vincent was their only hope . Catherine had stood up as Vincent put on his cloak . Fear flooded into her heart , she knew instantly what he was planning to do . She looked at Father willing him to come up with another way . She saw the resignation in his face . As Vincent moved to walk past her , Catherine put her hand on this chest . He turned back and looked at her . She was already seeing the change in him and even though he stopped when she asked , his eyes held no emotion . " Come back to me , Vincent . " She begged him to come back but he couldn 't respond . He wouldn 't make promises he couldn 't keep . Without a word , he turned and walked away . He needed to be able to clear his mind from all distractions . He began to shut off all of his feelings and rely on his instincts . Catherine sat down heavily in a chair . She was looking down as the tears flowed from her eyes . Father noticed her tears , came over and sat down next to her . He put his arm around her and pulled her close . She buried her face in his shirt and cried harder . When all her tears were spent , she pulled away sniffling . He offered her a handkerchief and she smiled up at him weakly . " I 'm so sorry Father , I can 't believe I just broke down like that . " His voice was thick with emotion when he answered her . " No need to apologize , Catherine . I 'm just as worried as you are . " " I wish there could 've been another solution . " " Me too , it 's so hard when he 's called upon to do what must be done . " She looked up incredulously . " He 's done this before ? " Catherine tried not to be angry but couldn 't help herself . She stood and began to pace . " Is Vincent the only one required to defend this place ? ! Is he the only one that will step forward ? " Father knew Catherine didn 't mean to be harsh . She was worried and her anger was seemingly justified . " It happened so many years ago , Vincent was barely out of his teens . . . " Father began to share the story of how Vincent came to be the protector to the tunnels . He needed to share it with her so she would understand . He waited while Catherine looked over at him then came to stand in front of him anxious to hear the rest . " Vincent was on sentry duty with one of our older men . Norman was in his late seventies . He was in excellent physical and mental shape . He insisted to be allowed to continue sentry duties , so we often teamed up a younger person with him to help him run messages and whatever else he needed . " " Vincent loved Norman . They were the best of friends . Norman had fascinating stories and Vincent would sit for hours and listen to him tell them . One day , some men came into the tunnels . Somehow they made it through several of our checkpoints . Vincent heard them , but Norman refused to let him go out to look for them . He went instead and left Vincent behind . Norman never heard the men come up behind him . He screamed but they beat him to the ground . Vincent ran out after he heard Norman 's first cry , but he was too late , the men had already killed Norman . Winslow came on the scene and said it took Vincent less than two minutes to . . . well . . . stop the other three men . Vincent was crushed that Norman had been killed protecting him and since then he has taken over the handling of intruders . He refuses to let anyone he cares about be involved . We 've had endless arguments over this but it 's always the same result . " Father sighed . He hated to tell her this but he could feel her resentment towards the others that no one was helping Vincent . ' Catherine , Vincent told me about the three men that tried to kill you . He said that you witnessed him kill those men . " " When . . . " Father cleared his throat . " When . . . he 's sent to or called upon to do these things he allows another side of himself to come forward . It sort of takes over the Vincent we know so he can do whatever must be done . " Catherine looked up curiously at his words . " He loses himself in his rage and the one time he allowed someone from here to help him in a fight that man was inadvertently wounded as well . " Father nodded his head . " Thomas lived . He needed seventy two stitches to fix the damage . He told Vincent it was not his fault that it was just an accident but Vincent never forgave himself . To this day , he still fights alone . " She looked up at him , her eyes wet with unshed tears . " Will he be okay ? " My God , she looks just like a little girl ! No wonder Vincent feels so protective over her , Father thought as he gently patted her shoulder . " I don 't know Catherine , we can only hope and pray . " He smiled . " But Vincent has the home field advantage , that 'll help with the outcome . " She smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood . She continued to hold Father 's hand , as it seemed to help them both draw strength from one another . Catherine looked around and noticed that she and Father were alone . " Where 'd everyone go ? " " Dr . Wong went home to see if he could find out anything . Lin and Henry went with Mary . " Catherine nodded and began to pace . For some reason , she felt restless and caged . Emotions were flooding through her that she was hard pressed to name . She knew they came from the bond , is this what Vincent was feeling ? She turned to face Father . " What can I do when he comes back ? " Father shrugged . " I don 't really know . Just be there for him . . . that should be enough . " Vincent mentally prepared himself to do battle . He allowed the beast in him to emerge as he hunted the intruders . The men had foolishly separated into two groups . Their forces were now divided and it would make the job easier for him . He would have the advantage as this was his home ; he knew these tunnels better than anybody . He quickly found the first group of men . He knew their strength was in numbers so he planned to lessen their groups one man at a time . Hiding above on a rock ledge , Vincent grabbed the last man in the group as he passed . He lifted him up and snapped his neck dropping him to the floor in front of his friend . As that man turned back around , Vincent dropped down in front of him and leapt back as the man swung out with his sword . He quickly disposed of him and fled again only to rise up out of the fog to dispose of the last man . This group taken care of , he moved onto the next . This new group had come into an open area . The sounds echoed through the room . Vincent followed them there and using the echoes , he growled out warnings . Vincent had scared them and the men became reckless . Vincent knocked the first of the men to the ground . The man was dying slowly as he crawled along the ground . Vincent knew he would die so he left him to get to the others . Next , he frightened the man , who against Chiang 's orders had brought a gun Below and in his fear he recklessly shot out , killing one of his own men . The shock of his actions left him vulnerable and Vincent pounced and brought him swiftly to the ground . Chiang had seen flashes of Vincent . Now , Vincent approached Chiang and asked him what he would do if he let him go . Chiang warned that he would come back again and again . Instincts allowed Vincent to feel someone coming up behind him . The man he had knocked down earlier had crawled out into the open area . He struggled to get to his feet . For his last act alive , he flung a throwing star at Vincent . Vincent ducked and it hit Chiang in the heart killing him instantly . The other man fell to the floor deaCatherine had eventually sat in a chair and gazed into the flame of a candle . Father observed her and wondered where her mind had taken her . Catherine cleared her throat but her voice was still low and husky with emotion . " It 's done , he 's coming back . " Soon enough , the sentries reported that Vincent was coming back . Father sent a crew to " clean up " the mess he was sure existed . He knew Vincent would not be in a good frame of mind . He turned to Catherine who sat quietly waiting for his return . She nodded at him in understanding . " I know . " " I 'll check out his medical condition . . . afterwards . . . " Father sighed and shrugged . He never knew what to do when this happened . " I don 't know . . . if you could just sit with him ? " She shook her head and smiled her voice back to normal . " Father , I 'll stay as long as he needs me . " He smiled and patted her cheek , thankful once again for this woman in his son 's life . Vincent walked in the door of the library and looked at his Father . " It 's over , I 'm . . . fine . " He glanced at Catherine , then shamefully turned and walked to his chamber . Catherine looked at Father with a question in her eyes . He nodded at her . " Go on … " He was sitting on the edge of his bed staring at nothing when she came to the doorway . He looked up at her as she walked in then looked down at the floor again . She came over to the edge of the bed . He cringed at her touch as she whispered in his ear , " I 'm here … " It took several moments then with a sigh ; he turned and put his head to her shoulder . He reached and clung to her with his arms . She put her arms around his neck and caressed his back and mumbled soothing words , letting him come to terms with all that had happened . They sat that way for a long while before Vincent finally pulled away . " I should . . . walk you home . " She shook her head in protest . " Vincent , one of the children can walk me home . You should try to rest . " " Vincent , would you like me to leave now ? " Vincent looked at her with such desperation in his eyes she rushed to reassure him . " . . . Because , I could stay longer if you like . " His head was lowered but she thought she detected him nod . She scooted close and pulled his head to her shoulder again . She was lightly running her hands through his hair when Father came in . He held up his medical bag for proof . Vincent nodded and Father walked in . Catherine scooted over but Vincent reached for her hand . She held his hand and squeezed it gently , whispering to him . " I won 't go . " Father sat in a chair across from the bed . He leaned over and peered at his son . He grimaced as he saw the pain his son was trying to hide from him . He sat back in his chair as Vincent blushed and looked down . Father knew he was acknowledging that he was hurt . Father rolled his eyes . " Where ? " Vincent didn 't move and Catherine knew that he was embarrassed by her presence . She looked at Father then back at Vincent who was still looking down . " Father , as long as you 're here I think I 'll go use the facilities . Is that okay ? " Father looked down knowing she was coming up with an excuse to be gone for awhile . Vincent blushed but never looked up . Catherine left and Father turned back to Vincent . " Well , it seems we ran into a bit of luck . Let me see that arm . " Vincent knew Catherine made up an excuse . " It was not luck , " he replied angrily . He knew Catherine had guessed that he was embarrassed by his differences . She was making her usual concessions . He sighed and pulled his sleeve up past his elbow . Father gasped when he saw the nasty bruise on Vincent 's arm . It still held the indentations from the links of the chain , almost like it was branded into his arm . " That can 't feel good , Vincent . " Vincent didn 't answer , so Father dug through his bag . He brought out antiseptic and cleansed the area then bandaged it as best he could . " I really can 't do anything for it , Vincent , the skin isn 't broken , neither is the bone . " He shrugged . " Time will heal it … is there anywhere else ? " " Yes , " Father grimaced . " I 'm sorry , Vincent . I am so sorry . Mouse should 've never made that announcement in front of you . " Father knew that Vincent was asking where the men had taken the bodies . " No , I didn 't want anyone else asking about what happened to the Chiangs . The men took them to a dockside warehouse . They were told to phone in a tip . " Father was relieved that Vincent seemed to be able to draw strength from Catherine 's presence . He stood , smiled , and kissed Vincent 's head . " Take care of that arm . " If Vincent wondered what Catherine meant by her comment , he didn 't ask . Instead , he sat in much the same place as he had when she left . Catherine noticed the bandage on his arm . " Does it hurt ? " Vincent realized he hadn 't pulled down his shirt sleeve . Embarrassed , by the nakedness of his arm and the difference he knew existed by his excess hair , he reached up and tried to pull it over the bandage . He hit his bruise and hissed in pain . Catherine came forward . She gently picked up his arm and leaned over and kissed the bandage . She looked into his eyes as she put her fingers up inside the band of his shirt sleeve , stretched it and gently pulled it over the bandage . She took his hand and caressed the back of it . " There , is that better ? " He nodded shyly , shocked that she was indifferent to his differences , but he didn 't answer her . Catherine sighed . " You should rest , Vincent . I 'll see if one of the children will take me home . " " Catherine , please , I . . . " Vincent stopped and looked at her . He had been about to say he needed to spend more time with her but he stopped himself . He was disgusted with what he had done tonight . He was amazed she could sit with him so calmly after he just killed five men . He wanted to send her away but he needed her close . He needed her love to help heal his heart . " I . . . want to see you home . " Catherine looked at him and tried to assess his demeanor , but he seemed closed off from her . " If you 're sure . " He nodded and rose , reaching out and grabbing his cloak . Catherine reached out and took his hand as she led him through the tunnels . He remained silent the entire journey . She felt like she was pulling him along behind her . Several times , he just stopped and looked around like he was trying to see where he was . She led him until they stopped at her threshold . She turned to him and he looked at her in surprise . " I don 't remember our walk here . " Catherine , misunderstanding , shook her head and came close . " That 's okay Vincent , I don 't expect . . . " " No , no you don 't understand . . . I did not lead us here . " She looked at him with a question in her eyes so he continued . " Catherine , you found your own way . " She looked at him incredulously . " I did ? " She smiled back , proud of herself but happier that he was starting to feel better . " I did , didn 't I ? Now if I can only find my way to you . " She nodded at him in understanding . " You 're welcome . I 'll see you soon ? " He smiled shyly at her . She stepped forward and hugged him warmly . She tried to send wave after wave of her love through the bond . He gently tightened his arms around her . Catherine thought she could probably stay that way forever but she felt Vincent starting to tire . " Vincent , you have a long walk home . " Two days later , late in the afternoon , Lin came to see Catherine at work . Catherine looked up in surprise . " Hi Lin , please sit down . " " Hello , Catherine . I came to ask you for another favor ? " " What is it ? " " Henry and I are leaving for awhile . We are going to stay with some of his family in San Francisco . Because of the announcement of my engagement to Peter Chiang , Henry and I cannot be married here . We are to be married Below , tomorrow night . " " Oh Lin , that 's wonderful . " Catherine came around and hugged her in congratulations . " But what can I do for you ? " Lin shyly looked at her . " Will you stand next to me as my maid of honor ? " Catherine nodded . " Oh Lin , I 'd be honored , of course . " Lin beamed then lowered her voice . " It will mean so much to me . If it wasn 't for you and Vincent , Henry and I wouldn 't be together . " Catherine handed him the file . " Just finished . " She looked over at Lin then back at Joe . " Hey , Joe . I 'm going to leave . Lin and I have a special occasion I need to get a dress for . " Catherine glanced around at the empty office before she looked at her watch . " I 've already worked an hour and a half over . Let 's go ! " " Lin , I need something special to wear . What do Chinese bridesmaids wear ? " Lin laughed and guided Catherine to a store that specialized in traditional attire . Catherine surprised Lin when she fell in love with an outfit and bought it immediately . " Lin , what are you wearing ? " Catherine shook her head . " But Lin , since you 're traveling , I can 't buy you anything for a gift . Let this be from Vincent and I . " The next night , Catherine went Below as planned and stood as Lin 's witness . Father stood as Henry 's . The priest 's words floated through the air over the tunnel inhabitants . Catherine turned , searched , and found Vincent in the crowd . They only had eyes for each other as the ceremony continued on . The words could have been written for them . The tunnel family had a special dinner in the dining hall for the newlyweds . Catherine had provided some extra provisions so William could make this a special night . She hoped he would keep it a secret . Vincent and Catherine sat with Father and Mary , Henry and Lin and Dr . Wong at a table near the front of the room . " Thank you for the wonderful meal . It was unexpected , " Lin gushed happily . Father looked surprised . " I 'm not sure I know what you mean ? I assumed these extras were from you . " Dr . Wong shook his head . " No , unfortunately I could never afford fine food for this many people . " " Well then I wonder who . . . " Father stopped as he caught a glance exchanged between Catherine and Mary . Father looked at Catherine who blushed profusely and looked down at her plate pretending a fascination with her broccoli casserole . Vincent came to Catherine 's rescue and changed the subject . " It was a beautiful ceremony . " Father frowned but recognized what Vincent did and went along . " It was indeed a nice ceremony . " " The words touched me deeply , " Catherine said . The community celebrated Lin and Henry 's marriage . It was late notice so there were no musicians but Catherine had brought down a radio with a package of batteries and appropriate music . The teenagers kept the music going and a good time was had by everyone in the community . Lin and Henry walked up to Catherine towards the end of the night . Most of the gifts they received tonight were simple and could be easily packed . But they had opened one card that brought tears to both their eyes . Henry held out his hand and took Catherine 's . " Catherine , I can 't thank you and Vincent enough for the wedding present . " Lin looked up . " No , Catherine , it was most generous of you and Vincent . Henry and I were going to take the bus but with the airline tickets you gave us we can begin our new lives tomorrow . " Other well wishers came up and Catherine and Vincent slipped away . Later , Vincent walked Catherine home . Catherine as always , reached for his hand . Vincent silently took it . " Your generosity is amazing , Catherine . " She looked puzzled so he explained . " The tickets for Lin and Henry . . . " She carelessly shrugged it off . " Oh , that , I knew it would be nicer for them to start out fresh not bedraggled from a long journey . They 've been through so much . Besides , no one should have to spend five days on a bus for their honeymoon . " Catherine laughed . " Vincent , I don 't know of a man alive who has ever been involved with buying a wedding gift . Every couple I know does the same thing . The woman just signs the man 's name on the card and he gets to share in the credit . " Vincent stood in awe . She was treating them like any other average couple . He felt a wave of emotions at the thought of belonging to Catherine and at the prospect of people believing that they were one . Catherine was troubled by his silence . She had only just recently met everyone Below . Maybe , Vincent was uncomfortable with her assuming that they were together and announcing it to his family and friends . Catherine looked embarrassed . She had interpreted his question the wrong way . " I . . . guess . . . I mean , yes , I thought we were . I thought it would be okay to include your name with mine . . . I . . . " She turned and grabbed his arms and put them around her waist . She put her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest . " The only requirement to being a couple with me is to hold me like this whenever you get a chance . " The next night , Vincent came to Catherine 's balcony . " Lin has sent word to Dr . Wong she and Henry are settled safely in San Francisco . " Catherine nodded and smiled . " Good . They deserve it . Their love was truly inspiring . They 'll have a wonderful life . " " Yes , it was a rough start but their love will see them through . " She smiled and looked out into the city . " The ceremony was beautiful , the priest 's words were perfect … " " You looked . . . so beautiful . For a moment . . . I allowed myself to dream . " Catherine nodded , she too had dreamed about it being her and Vincent standing there . " So did I . " " They have a lifetime together . Our time together is always measured in minutes , seconds . " She came closer . " Then we must learn to measure our lifetime in another way . " He sighed . " Yes . " They looked into each other 's eyes . Once again , Catherine stepped forward and moved into his arms . She laid her head on his chest as he tightened his arms around her and lowered his head to rest on hers . They hoped this moment would last forever .

I stood in the bathroom staring at my reflection in the mirror . It was time to end this , to put this chapter of my life behind me . Hopefully for good this time . Patrick walked in and wrapped his arms around my waist . " No , but I don 't have a choice . " He placed a kiss on my forehead . When he let go I turned and followed him out of the room . It was time for court . About a month ago Patrick and I went out for dinner . I didn 't leave the house much unless it was for work , but he 'd convinced me to go that night . We pulled into the driveway and found Quentin sitting in a chair on the front porch . He stood up when he saw us and I eyed him warily as I got out of the car . " Sorry to be waiting , but I wanted to give you the news in person . " My breath caught in my throat . Could it be ? " We got him . " I hadn 't been sure how I 'd respond to the news . Would I laugh ? Cry ? Jump up and down ? Fist pump like I 'd seen Patrick do after a goal ? Moonwalk ? I did none of the above . My legs turned to jelly and I sank to the ground . Patrick and Quentin both rushed to my side . I sat on the couch and listened to what Quentin had to say . When he finished was when my laughter started . Apparently Vince had been staying in some fleabag motel you could rent by the hour under some alias . Prostitution was also prevalent at this place . A hooker got arrested and in a desperate attempt to stay out of prison for the third time she gave Vince up . The case had become a little high profile because of Patrick and she 'd seen it on the news . Now I was walking into the courthouse for the first day of the trial . Despite the evidence , Vince had plead not guilty and now I have to go through a trial with him all over again . I sat in a row and listened to the DA 's opening argument as Patrick held my hand . When he was done it was time for Vince 's lawyer . I clenched my jaw as I was portrayed as vengeful , as someone looking to put a person who made a mistake in the past back in jail because I was still angry . He said that instead of bringing the real criminal to justice I was trying to pin it on an innocent man I couldn 't forgive . He said a lot of bullshit . I could feel Patrick 's hand tightening on mine at everything Vince 's lawyer said . When the first part of the trial was over I was partly relieved and partly sick . It had gotten started so it would be over soon . I also still had to get on the stand and describe what he 'd done to me and that was never easy . We walked out into the hallway with the DA . He was telling us what would come next and what to expect . Patrick was listening and I was tuned out . While this was the first trial he 'd experienced , I 'd been through this before . I was looking around at all the other unfortunate people who had to go to court . And then I stopped dead in my tracks . Standing on the other side of the hallway was someone I never expected to see . She was standing there looking at me and wringing her hands nervously . I was too in shock to do anything more than stand there and stare back at her . That was when Patrick realized I was no longer walking next to him . " Hi , " I repeated awkwardly . Patrick was now standing at my side , his hand on my back , looking between the two of us . Then his hand tightened on me and I knew he recognized her . " What are you doing here , Bailey ? " " I heard that the trial was starting and I wanted to be here , " she told me . I didn 't get it . I didn 't know why she 'd come . Plenty of things had happened in my life that she 'd been absent for , so why was this one any different ? " Thanks . " I wasn 't sure what else to say . I hadn 't seen my sister in 10 years . Suddenly I saw her eyes fill with tears and she covered her mouth with her hands . " I 'm sorry . I 'm so sorry . This is my fault . All of it . I should have been there . I 'm your older sister and I abandoned you and you almost died . I don 't know how you could ever forgive me . I just know that even though I wasn 't there for you in the past when you needed someone , I 'm going to be here now , as long as you 'll have me . " I didn 't know what to do or say . I hadn 't spoken to Bailey in 10 years and now suddenly she was standing here in front of me telling me that she was here to support me . I 'd never seen my sister in distress , and I 'd never seen her cry . I didn 't think she was capable of it . Now I struggled between shock , anger , and hope as I watched her . I knew full well that we couldn 't have any sort of conversation standing here in the middle of the courthouse in front of hundreds of people . I didn 't know what direction the conversation would take and I wouldn 't chance an argument . And despite it all , I didn 't want people seeing Bailey cry the way she was . I may not know my sister well , but I knew that was something she wouldn 't want . Bailey followed us back home and parked on the street . I held the door open for her and Loxley and Dudley greeted her at the front door . She widened her eyes in surprise at the two dogs winding themselves around her legs , tails wagging , before smiling and bending down to pet them both . " I always wished Mom and Dad would let me have a dog , " she said as she accepted kisses from them both . That took me by surprise as well . I 'd had no idea she liked dogs , or animals in general . I led her into the living room and Patrick offered to get us something to eat or drink . We both declined , and he left us alone to talk . Bailey and I looked everywhere but at each other in an uncomfortable silence for what seemed like forever . I finally realized that someone needed to get this started and decided to just dive right in . " I don 't want to be rude , and I don 't want you to take this the wrong way , but I don 't understand why you 're here . Why now ? " I asked . Bailey took a deep breath before answering . " I feel guilty about everything . I have for a long time , but didn 't know how to try to fix it . When this happened , I felt responsible and I had to come . I wanted to see if there would be a chance that you could ever forgive us . " I was about to ask her why she could possibly feel guilty or responsible for what happened when it hit me . The family meeting Kaylen had called me about that had ended up being about Vince getting out of jail . I felt like someone had wanted to tell me . Now I knew . Bailey had wanted to warn me . Knowing that made sitting here across from her a little bit easier . " They wouldn 't let you tell me , would they ? " I asked quietly , not wanting to hear the answer , but needing to . Bailey seemed just as reluctant to tell me . " Mom ? Mom wanted to tell me ? " I couldn 't believe it . I hadn 't expected that . Not after the way she 'd treated me my entire life . " I didn 't mean it like that . I just didn 't expect this . I didn 't think I 'd ever seen any of you again , and now I 've seen you all within the last year . It 's just difficult . Especially after my death . . . . . " I let my voice trail off . I hadn 't intended on bringing that up , but it just came out . Now it was out there . And Bailey groaned . " I was never okay with that . I didn 't even know they were going to do it . They never told me . I had to read it in the newspaper . I didn 't speak to them for months . " Another wave of surprise hit me . This hadn 't been a family decision ? Bailey hadn 't wanted to do that to me ? She 'd actually defended me ? I hadn 't expected that , or any of this . I was happy about it , but then again , what would that have changed ? She defended me after the fact . Where was she when I 'd needed someone to defend me when I still had a chance ? " How could I tell you ? I wasn 't there for you when it mattered . I didn 't speak to them , but I didn 't search you out either . I 'm not like you . I couldn 't ever stand up to them . You were always so strong , even as a child . I envied that , and I think that 's why . You were who I wish I was , and I resented that . " And the hits just kept on coming . " Strong ? I let the whole family run me over . I hit rock bottom . That 's not being strong , " I told her . She shook her head . " No , you were strong . You still are . You didn 't let them turn you into someone you weren 't . You stood up to them , became your own person . Maybe you fell down , but you got back up . Weak people can 't overcome addiction , especially without any support from family . I didn 't want to be the way I was growing up , but I was too scared to challenge them . I just did what they said and there 's not a moment of my adult life that I don 't regret it . " I 'd had no idea that Bailey had ever felt that way about . I was caught so off guard by the admission . Here I had been , a child wishing I was more like my older sisters , when one of them was wishing she was more like me . Bailey and I continued to talk , and I could feel any anger I 'd held towards her melting away . She hadn 't abandoned me , she 'd just been too worried about what my family would do to her . And then she hit me with a bombshell , one that made so much sense when she said it . My mother was terrified of my father . He never physically abused her , but the things he said , the power he wielded kept her in constant fear . She couldn 't so much as disagree with him or the threats of being out on the streets , poor , disgraced , and unwanted would start . She hadn 't wanted to kick me out , she just didn 't have a choice . She wanted to return Olivia and my phone calls , but she was too afraid of being caught . She wanted to talk to me , to see how I was doing , but he 'd killed me . The one time she 'd stood up for me was the day they 'd come to the hospital . My father hadn 't wanted to go , but she wouldn 't let up , and she finally fought him until he gave in . I was crying by the time Bailey finished . The signs were all there . They always had been . How had I not seen it ? How had I not seen the fear my mother had lived with everyday ? How had I not seen the monster that my father was ? I was trained to notice these things , and I 'd neglected to see it in my own parents . I felt horrible . Bailey nodded and we sat in silence for a while . We 'd talked about everyone on the family . I knew about Rachel and her family . I knew that Rachel had sided with my father on everything , but Bailey was sure it was because she didn 't know how to do anything else . Being the first daughter had made Rachel the guinea pig and the most easily controlled . " Quinn . She 's the spitting image of you . I can look at pictures of you at her age and can 't tell the difference . She 's stunning . " My breath caught in my throat as I glanced down at the photo that Bailey handed me . I stared down at the image of my daughter . It was the first time I 'd seen her since I 'd left . New tears came as I stared into eyes that looked just like mine . I didn 't know what to say , and I was pretty sure that even if I had , I wouldn 't be able to speak . " She doesn 't just look like you . She is you . It 's funny how someone who didn 't grow up knowing you can be just like you . She 's strong - willed , independent , intelligent , funny , and artistic . Half the time the only thing she wants to do is paint , just like you . She 's good at everything she does , just like you were . She 's perfect . " Hearing about Quinn , listening to Bailey describe her was almost too much . It hurt to hear it , but I couldn 't get enough . I grilled Bailey about her . I had to know everything , no matter how badly my heart ached . I didn 't know my daughter at all and this was all I had right now . Maybe someday , but for today , this would do . Bailey stayed for dinner , and Patrick and I invited her to stay with us . The day 's revelations left me needing to have her around , to get to know her . I wasn 't sure how I felt about everything , but I had time to figure it out . All I knew at the moment was that I had a sister sitting across from me at the dinner table telling stories and laughing . I 'd never expected that to happen again , and it felt amazing . So sorry it 's been pretty much forever since I 've posted . I 'm still around , don 't worry , but on occasion my life happens to suck . Nothing major or awful has happened , but things just keep coming up and happening . There might be a small window in here where I can get some writing done , but then life is going to get crazy again for a bit . I can 't promise anything , but hopefully it won 't be this long again . I also have a kind of wacky idea . I had a dream the other night and when I woke up I realized I could totally turn it into a short story . I 've already gotten a little bit of it written , but I 'm not sure if I should post it or not , so I 'm going to leave it up to you guys . It 'll definitely be short , maybe 10 - 15 chapters . What I 'm not sure of is how long it will take me to finish it . Do you want me to start posting it as I go , with possible long gaps between , or should I save it until I have time to finish ? Your choice ! Now on to our scheduled programming . . . . . It was quiet in my hospital room . It had been since the day before . There had been virtually no conversation between Patrick and I since my parents had walked out of the room . I was just spent and hadn 't been up to listening to an explanation of how Patrick had known my parents and they had known him . He hadn 't offered one up either . He had stayed with me the rest of the day and night , but we 'd just avoided talking . This morning looked like it was heading in the same direction . Patrick was here , sitting next to the bed , and we were just watching TV . The only other thing to do when you were stuck in a hospital bed was talk . I was ready to know now . " Why did you go see my parents ? " He turned his head and looked at me , not quite in surprise , but in uncertainty . " I just wanted them to know what they 'd done by not telling you that Vince was out of jail . " His explanation seemed true enough , it made sense , but he looked uneasy , like there was something else . " You didn 't have to do that . " He let out a sigh and turned his entire chair to face me . " ThePosted by I 've been working on this chapter forever and I still don 't feel like I got it right . It feels like Gabby is too bitchy and bitter , but I guess she has a reason , right ? Oh well , here it is . And if anyone cares , the song for this chapter is Bridges by Lifehouse . For some reason I couldn 't get it to upload so I just wanted you to know . I woke up in the morning to see Patrick sitting in a chair next to me , asleep in an uncomfortable position . I had no idea how long he 'd been here , but I knew that he 'd hardly been away from my side for the past three days . All except yesterday , when he 'd been gone for most of the afternoon . We hadn 't talked much , not about what really mattered anyway . He hadn 't asked what was going to happen with us when I got out of the hospital , and I hadn 't initiated conversation either . It wasn 't that I didn 't want to tell him how I felt , that I didn 't want to apologize , it was that I was scared that despite the fact that he 'd been here , he wouldn 't forgive me . He began to stir as I watched him . I smiled when his eyes opened and he glanced over at me , like I was his first thought upon waking up . He smiled back when he saw me looking at him , grinning like an idiot . " Good morning , " I joked as he yawned and stretched out . " I was tired ! " he defended himself . I felt my mood darken slightly . " You don 't have to be here all the time you know , " I told him . His smile faded too . " I know that . " Those words hung in the air , the real meaning behind them going unspoken , but clear as day . We were both quiet as we kind of took it in , wondering who was going to speak first , what we should say . We had to talk . It had to happen , and now was as good a time as any . I just wasn 't used to talks like this . I finally opened my mouth to say something when the door opened . My mouth closed quickly as my eyes widened in complete shock . I could feel my heart start to race as I saw who was in the doorway . I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment before opening them again and seeing that what I had seePosted by Patrick left the hospital room to give Gabby some time alone with Olivia . She 'd just gotten into Chicago this morning and he knew that Gabrielle was going to need to talk to her . He got onto the elevator and took it down to the first floor before walking outside and pulling out his phone . He 'd been granted time off from practice today and tomorrow at least to stay with Gabrielle while she was in the hospital . He 'd promised to give an update and he left a message on Tazer 's phone . It was cold outside so he made his way back inside and went to the cafeteria . He wasn 't hungry , but he grabbed a coffee and sat down to drink it before he 'd start to make his way back to Gabrielle 's room . It had been hard for him to see her lying in bed looking the way she did . That bastard Vince had done this to her a second time . He wanted to kill him . However , he knew that he needed to leave this to the police . If Quentin was telling the truth , Vince wasn 't going to be getting out of jail when they caught him and sent him back . There was however , some people that he could blame . He had half a mind to go to St . Louis right now and knock on their door to tell them exactly what he thought of them . He knew he couldn 't , but it didn 't stop him from wishing . He just couldn 't imagine cutting your child out of your life to the point that you hide something that could potentially end in their death . Then again , he supposed they had already killed her once already . He finished his coffee and made his way back upstairs to Gabby 's room . If her and Olivia were still talking , then he 'd just wait in the lounge that was provided on the floor until they were done . When he reached the door he saw that there were more people than just Olivia in the room . Upon closer inspection , he realized it was Paige , Isaiah , Gia , and Nathan . " And see , I got a B on my English essay , " he heard Nathan announce as he handed something over to Gabrielle . " That 's great Nathan . I 'm glad your grades are going up in that class , but are you enjoyinPosted by No , I have not forgotten about Patrick and Gabby . There 's still so much for them to go through coming up , but life has gotten in the way of writing it all out and sharing it with you all . I 'm so sorry , but hopefully I 'll have an update up sometime soon . Thanks for your patience ! Patrick practically leapt out of Tazer 's truck before it even came to a complete stop . Even so , Tazer was hot on his heels as he ran into the hospital . He 'd called Quentin Monahan back on his way here to find out what room Gabrielle was in . Now he was weaving through people to the elevator that would take him to her floor . He and Tazer both stood impatiently as the elevator seemed to stop on every floor on the way up . When they 'd finally reached the floor they both ran out and headed straight to where Patrick could see Quentin standing outside of a room . Quentin glanced up at the commotion in surprise only to hold his hands out to slow the two of them as they approached . " Where is she ? " Patrick asked in a panic . " In the room behind me . Whoa , hold on . We need to talk , " Quentin said , holding out a hand to stop him from rushing in . " Let me just see her ! " he insisted , desperate to know if Gabrielle was okay or not . " Sharpie , " he heard Tazer whisper as he placed a hand on his shoulder . Patrick let out a deep breath but then nodded . " What was Gabrielle doing at her apartment ? " Quentin asked . Patrick 's eyes widened in surprise . Her apartment ? Gabrielle wouldn 't have gone to her apartment . " What do you mean ? She was there ? " he asked . Quentin narrowed his eyes a little and nodded . " You didn 't know that she 'd go back there ? " Patrick shook his head . " We got into a fight . She moved out of my place a week ago . She told me she was staying with a friend . I have no idea why she 'd go back there . She knew it was the one place Vince could get to her . " " You two had a fight ? " Quentin questioned . Patrick suddenly understood what was going on and held his hands up in self defense . " Hey , am I a suspect here ? I was out all night . I was with Tazer here , " he said pointing over at him . Quentin sighed . " No , you 're not . These are just standard questions I have to ask . We talked to the neighbors . Apparently Gabrielle had been living in her apartment for the past week , " Quentin told him . Patrick Posted by I walked out of Paige 's after giving Loxley a long hug . I missed not having him around all the time , but I hadn 't wanted to risk anything happening to him if Vince got to me . Now I may not have to worry about that anymore if tomorrow went the way I hoped it would . I was still planning on going over to Patrick 's in the afternoon . I fully intended on groveling at his feet and begging for him to forgive my momentary lapse of sanity . I knew how I really felt about him now , and I wasn 't afraid of it anymore . Hopefully he 'd be able to forgive me for what had to be the millionth time in our relationship . I got out of my car and walked inside the building , stopping to grab my mail on the way . The entire ride up the elevator and walk down the hallway to my apartment door I practiced and revised the speech I was going to give him in my head . I was so distracted that I realized just a second too late that the doorknob had turned in my hand before the key had unlocked it . I nearly stumbled through the doorway in surprise . I caught myself even as my brain screamed at me to turn around and run . My legs didn 't react in time . The world went dark before I ever saw anything coming . Suddenly I felt like a thousand sharp objects were being shot through my skull . My head was throbbing and I quickly remembered feeling like this once before in my life . My vision began to come back slowly , but everything was still blurry . At some point I realized I was lying on the ground surrounded by my mail . I let out a groan of pain as a bout of dizziness joined the stabbing sensation . I tried to move , to push myself up off of the floor , but it didn 't seem as if my brain and the rest of my body were currently connected . Then a blurry figure moved into view . " Hello , Gabrielle . " My stomach clenched at the sound of the voice . Suddenly I felt my arm being grabbed and then I was being pulled up to my feet . I struggled to get my feet under me and hold me up . I could see clearer now and took in the sight of my attacker as he stood and grinned atPosted by

Kayley Gaines knew werewolves existed all her life , for she lived with one . All her life , she had stayed far away from them , knowing the horrors of their lives . Her mom was enough to deal with each month . But then she meets Rayne , a good - looking , scary but also broken guy . Can she let go of her lifetime vow , just because Rayne plays with her emotions ? Or will she keep herself save from what she feared her whole life ? It was a sunny day when I got out of bed . Exactly the kind of spring day I was hoping for . The winter had been cold and long and seemed to last forever , but with streams of sunlight coming through my red curtains I woke up with a smile on my face . Mom was probably working already and I figured dad was out of the house too . So I slowly wandered to the bathroom where I got dressed and went downstairs . There I found a note on the kitchen sink from my mom . It 's such a sunny day ! I hope you love it as much as I do . I wanted to ask you if you would like to go to the store for me . I 'm not going to be home before the shops are closed and I need flour , sugar and butter for the cake we will bake tomorrow . I rolled my eyes , smiling . It was such a typical thing for my mother to forget about little things like ingredients for a cake we would bake and send me off to get them . Though I didn 't mind to buy them . I liked to wander through the town centre and look into the show window 's whether they had something special to offer or not and since it was Saturday I didn 't have to go to school . So , what was there to do otherwise ? A pleasant sound came from the living room . I peeked through the kitchen door and saw the back of my brothers black - haired head on the couch . He was playing guitar . " Woke up early , huh ? " I said , walking in his direction and wrapping my arms around his neck , " Doesn 't happen often . " " Yeah well , I had to practice for the rehearsals and … Wait , that 's not true . I wake up early all the time , " he said indignant . " Aahh … " There was it again . We never seemed to be able to not think about my mother 's ' problem ' for a long time and since it happened ten days ago , it was still fresh in our minds , well , my mind anyway . " I know , but that doesn 't make it any easier . " I stood up and walked back to the kitchen . " Oh Sam , did you have breakfast already ? I can make you some if you like ? " I heard Sam laugh in the living room , then the couch sighed and within ten seconds he stood in the doorway . " I 've had breakfast already , but thanks for the offer . " I looked back at him and he smiled . His smile always made a smile appear on my face too , so I smiled back . We had a special bond which I truly loved . We were closer than most siblings I knew , but I didn 't want to have it any other way . Sam worked with his lips . " I 'm not sure . It depends on how fast Trevor will be able to get the lyrics run along with the melody . " He sighed . Trevor was loved in the band my brother was in , but he had some trouble to get to work when it was needed sometimes . I took milk and butter from the fridge and slammed the door shut . I felt eyes on my back , so I turned to Sam . I looked up at him . His tight black skinny jeans , spiky belt , black band - shirt and his long thick black hair , the thin ends resting on his shoulders while the first locks got shorter each , surrounding the sides of his smiling face with thick strays of hair and covered one of his eyes with a long lock . I liked his appearance , it was a part of him , but his way of dressing was not appreciated by everyone . Next to his band members he never had many friends and some people looked at him in a disapproving way when he passed them . It 's stupid how people judge you for what you 're wearing . Well , that 's how I thought about it anyway . No one knew how good Sam was on the inside . Luckily he learned to deal with it through the years . It didn 't hurt him as much as it did in the past anymore . I turned back to my bread , sulking . " You remind me of it too often . " He laughed . I took a deep breath and waved away my small irritation . " Anyway , what I wanted to ask you , mom asked me to buy the supplies for the cake tomorrow . In for going with me ? " I asked , walking past him with my breakfast I and taking a seat on the kitchen table . Sam 's phone buzzed in his pocket . He slid it out and read his text . " Yeah , it will … sorry sis . Trevor just texted me that he 's delayed . He slept in , but he will come as soon as he can , so he wants me to get over to Greg 's already . " " Not fair . " I sulked . Sam stood up from the kitchen table , went to the hallway and put his coat on . " When will you be home ? " I asked , not expecting a useful answer . He peeked his head through the doorway one more time . " Sorry , didn 't mean to , love ya , bye . " His head disappeared and the front door opened and closed and then it was just me . " Great , " I mumbled as I washed my plate . I grabbed the recipe and walked to the hallway to get my coat . I wasn 't going to spend a sunny day like this within these four walls and since I couldn 't call Gwyn or Mallory to spend some time together , I would go alone . It seemed like the warmth of spring made everyone gather downtown . The square was filled with people with bags talking to each other , laughing or having a little fight between a mother and a four - year - old , because she wanted an ice - cream , but her mother had spent too much money already . Across the street there was an outdoor café completely filled . I went to the supermarket and the music store and some others stores . With my head up to the clear blue sky I walked past a musician playing accordion and woman standing next to him sang . I was done so I was on my way back to my bike . I quickened my pace , content smile on my face , enjoying the sun and the people when out of nothing I bumped into someone . I looked up , taking in the muscular chest , board shoulders in a black leather jacket . Whoever I had walked in to was tall . I had to bend my neck to be able to see his lightly tanned face . He had a sharp jawline , full pink lips , brown hair that was sided to the left by the wind at front and dark - brown eyebrows . As I looked into his eyes with thick lashes my breath stopped . I could feel the colour leave my face , I wanted stop it , but I couldn 't . I couldn 't think straight . I stumbled backward , snapped my head down so I looked straight ahead and away from his eyes . I tried to fix my expression , but I wasn 't sure if it was successful . " I 'm sorry , " I mumbled and paced around him . All I wanted was to get away from the slightly orange grey eyes and his muscular body . I hurried to my bike with a fast , steady pace that I hoped he wouldn 't take in as me running away and unlocked my bike . I didn 't dare to look back at him , fearing he would still look at me . I fiercely hoped I didn 't made him suspicious by my fast take off , but I couldn 't check because that would make him suspicious . The girl in front of me went from calm and happy - looking to frightened or even terrified . That 's how I knew . My eye colour wasn 't strong enough after ten days to be able to frighten people , they probably wouldn 't even notice when they wouldn 't pay enough attention . It only took her half a second to figure it out , though . She knew things . I was completely sure of it and that made me incredibly curious . I had waited years for this ; more knowledge on what I was . But apart from the look in her eyes , her soft pink cheeks going white , her heart racing , I couldn 't take my eyes of her . Her waist - long auburn hair that danced in the wind and shone in the sunlight , making even it brighter red than it really was , her large blue - grey eyes , her small nose , her strawberry face , her great legs in the tight navy coloured skinny jeans . She was breathtakingly beautiful . Why was she so terrified ? I never saw her before . I didn 't do anything wrong , in my view anyway , but still , there she was ; stumbling with her bike in attempt to get away . She finally got on her bike and cycled away . She never turned around to look at me again . If I hadn 't been so mesmerized by her looks , I would have called her back . But by the time I snapped out of my spell , she was a hundred yards away . After a fight in my head for a minute , curiosity won and I jumped on my bike as well . I couldn 't let her go off like that , I wanted to know what happened in that half second between our touch and her looking in my eyes . Next to that , I wanted to see that beautiful pleased smile again just before she had seen me . Keeping my distance , we drove through town . I didn 't want her to know that I was following her . That would make her even more afraid , for a good reason this time . After ten minutes she slowed down . I had cycled into a neat neighbourhood with alone standing houses . Most homes had a little porch at the front . There were trees about every four meters or so and parking placed across the street . I smelled the sea . The breaking waves on the shore and the smell of salt water . That meant that the ocean was close , maybe two miles farther , maybe closer . She stopped in front of a large , white house , not gigantic though . It had a little porch like the rest and on the first floor red curtains hung to the side of the window . She dumped her bike against a fence and went inside . I found a little bench about eleven yards from her house and sat down . She couldn 't see me here unless she would push her face up against the window . And I doubted that she would do that , so I was save here . I waited and frequently looked in the direction of her house , but she didn 't came out again . I must admit it even felt creepy for me to watch someone like this , but that didn 't stop me . I watched TV , tried to make homework , I even made cupcakes to get my mind off him . Nothing helped . He kept appearing in my view ; his muscular body underneath a navy blue T - shirt , his face blocking the sun from mine , his big orange - grey eyes . Those eyes never left me alone . I was probably going to be home alone till five o ' clock and I wasn 't sure if I was able to calm myself down in time in our bright white , but also shadowy living room . I knew Gwyn was busy and I promised her I wouldn 't interrupt , but I needed distraction . I didn 't even know why I was still freaking out about it , to be honest . I got away , it was definitely possible I would never see him again , so why was it so hard to get him of my mind ? I sat down on our couch one more time . His sudden appearance made me think back to just over a week ago . It had been full moon . We had seen it coming , I checked the moon twice a week to know how fast it would come , the last week mostly every single night . Sam didn 't seem to struggle with my mother 's ' family problem ' as much as I did . I didn 't know why . Every full moon , my mom would turn into a werewolf for one night till the sun rose again . If that would have been everything , I wouldn 't have been so scared . I wish that was it , but no . She went from loving , careful mother to the complete opposite . Her wolf instincts were building up two days before the full moon . First she would become crabby . Her crankiness would turn into something stronger and more aggressive . Slowly the wolf poison would let her loving character disappear and it would make place for real wolf instincts : she would keep her distance from humans , be aggressive , violent and uncontrollable . She was almost unrecognizable the last day before she turned . She snarled at us all day , didn 't want you closer to her than one yard and if something didn 't go her way , she would start breaking things . Her eyes were glowing orange these two days . Dad would leave her alone these days . He knew her well enough to know what he could do and what not . With the full moon , she would turn at twelve o ' clock in the middle of the night , but she was in the basement under the shed at eight already . After dinner , Dad would go in there and make sure she was as calm as she could possibly get and then he would carefully and slowly put the special more strong handcuffs around her wrists and ankles and would lock the door , three times , as he went out . He would go back the following morning after sunrise and carry her limp body back in the house into her bed . She slept the whole day and when the evening sun slowly set , she woke up , ate a four - person meal on her own and dragged herself back upstairs to sleep until the following morning . She didn 't say a word to us the first day , but she wasn 't awake much of it either . On the second one she was herself and had her own brown eyes again , with the slightest shade of orange in it . That 's how I recognized what he was . With his own grey eyes it was easier to see the orange flowing in them , although it just had been full moon . With his eyes the memories of my mother 's last turn came back to me , something I tried to avoid at all times . Suddenly , I knew what I needed . There was one place in this world where I always was able to clear my mind ; the beach . With the fresh , salty wind coming from the ocean and the birds flying in the air . I grabbed my jacket and a blanket and took our back door . Walking was way easier since the beach was close to our home . I couldn 't help to peer into our backyard before I opened the door and I felt stupid for doing so immediately . I crossed the yard and within ten minutes I passed the first sand dune where I found a path down to the beach . There was only a small part of the coast where you could actually come by the water without having to throw yourself off a cliff here . I was so lucky to have one of the very few parts right behind our house . As soon as the first salty breeze hit my face , I could feel my body relax . A small smile appeared on my face and I let out a deep breath . I spread out my red blanket close by the water and sat down . It could have been hours or minutes sitting there , gazing to the sea , earphones in my ears , listening to my music . I realized all of sudden that it had been hours . The sun was setting . I got up , shook the sand from my blanket , folded it and headed to the sand hills . As I passed them the sun disappeared behind a little cloud so suddenly twilight set in . A couple of streets from our home , I saw a shadow following me . My heartbeat fastened when I realized it was quiet in the streets . The shadow grew longer in front of me with every step I took . I didn 't know whether it was because the sun set lower or the person behind me closed in on me . I prayed that it was the first . I quickened my pace , but as I did , the person behind me did too . I should turn around , ask if he or she wanted something from me . That was mostly how I reacted , but with the event of this morning still in my mind and my weird overreacting to that event , I got cold feet . After another ten steps I couldn 't take it anymore . That build up my courage enough to peek over my shoulder . My breath stopped . I froze . With the red sunlight coming from behind him , sharpening the outlines of his body , he was so handsome . Now there was more distance between us I saw he had a small Mohawk I hadn 't seen this morning . Flutters appeared in my stomach at his good looks , but it only lasted two seconds , then I realized what happened ; he followed me . I opened my mouth , but nothing came out so I closed it again . I couldn 't turn around , I was nailed to the ground . I tried to think of something to say , just anything , but my mind was completely blank . He was the first one who spoke , his voice calm and steady , he said , " Hi . " A nervous little smile appeared on his face . " I know this probably is weird . I 'll be honest , this is no coincidence . " He waited for a response I couldn 't give for another minute . He looked down at his feet , lifted his head and looked apologetically at me , then he smiled again . " I have to say it , your hair is so beautiful in this red sunlight , it 's amazing . " That took me by surprise . He gave me a compliment while there was no way I was giving him a friendly gaze . I relaxed the tiniest , but although he tried to be nice , I couldn 't forget that he was a creep for following me and I wasn 't sure if it made it worse that he admitted it or not . Apart from his words I constantly saw his face in front of me turn into a wolf face and I couldn 't fight that image well . I managed a little smile and said , " Thank you , I guess . " He seemed happier with my response then I thought he would . " Listen , our meeting this morning was strange . You were terrified when you looked up at me . I - I wanted to know why . " I couldn 't take his blunt honesty any longer and I still didn 't want anything to do with him , so I slowly turned away from him . I tried to sound uninterested as I said , " Yeah well , I didn 't expect to walk into someone like that . There was no need to follow me for something so unimportant as an weird meeting , happens all the time . Bye . " I took a step backward and turned around , walking away from him . He wasn 't about to let me go that easily . I called names inside my head for reacting so stupid this morning . If I had just reacted normal , like everyone else would , he never would have followed me . He caught up with me and stopped in front of me , blocking my way . " Don 't leave that fast . Wait , I 'm being rude . " He just figured that out ? After a whole day of following me , he finally managed to figure out he was rude ? Wow , he really was a fast thinker , wasn 't he … He extended his hand in front of me , waiting for me to take it . I didn 't want to take it , but I hoped he would leave me alone when I did things his way , so I tentatively took his hand . " I 'm Rayne McCoy . May I know your name ? " His sudden formality made me say mine . " I 'm Kayley . Kayley Gaines . " I let go of his hand as soon as he gave me the chance . I couldn 't believe I just told him my name ; it made me flush . " Listen , I really have to go . My parents are waiting for me , " I said as I turned around . I had my back to him already when he said that . I gasped inwardly . I couldn 't think ; he knew where I lived . Walking away was useless when he knew where he could find me . This was a disaster . Again , he paced around me to look at my face . He looked into my eyes as he said , " Why are you afraid of me ? You don 't have to be afraid , I won 't hurt you . " I couldn 't keep up my poker face any longer , if I had had a poker face at all . I snorted . " You won 't hurt me ? How in the world could you be sure about that ? No one knows who he 's going to hurt or not . Just leave me alone ! " My voice broke in the end although it had been strong in the beginning . " I didn 't intend to upset you , I 'm sorry . I just … " He looked away into the trees and bit his lip . Okay , why did that look so good ? I shoved the thought away immediately . I glanced around , I was so close to our home … " Okay , come with me , " he suddenly said , grabbing my arm tight , though it didn 't hurt . I wasn 't going anywhere with him , no matter how often he would say " I 'm sorry . " I tried to stay put , but he was stronger and pulled me with him . He stopped , looked down at me and locked his free hand in his brown hair , but it only stuck there for a second . " You want to know what I want from you , right ? " I nodded slightly , not sure where this was going . " Then let me explain . " He started walking again . " Where are you taking me ? " I asked , hating how full with fear my voice was . My worst nightmare was coming true . Isn 't this what always happened in those movies were the girl ended up dead ? He would drag me somewhere extremely quiet , with no other people around and he could do anything with me he wanted . I didn 't want to think about what , but every minute I spend with him , made me think I wasn 't going to see my family ever again . I tried to get out his grip , but he was too strong . We arrived at a little alley with an old , large building on my left and a new , yet also giant building on my right . Why was he taking me here ? This only seemed to prove my fears . I felt my heartbeat pick up . He pushed my back against the wall and lowered his head until he could look straight into my eyes . He had put his hands on the wall on both sides of my face to be able to get his head on my eye level . This was way too close . He was so tall he was all around me . There was no way out . I knew my fear would only make things worse for me , but I couldn 't help the ragged breath coming through my nose . When he spoke his voice was soft , honest and calm again . " Calm down , you 're gonna give yourself a heart attack . I won 't hurt you . " He paused , my heart continued pounding . " Listen , I know you know something . Don 't try to deny it , it won 't work , " he said with the same soft tone . My heart skipped a beat , but with his calm voice , somehow , my breathing calmed too . What was I supposed to say now ? I tried to avoid looking in his eyes when I talked . " What makes you think I want to talk to you about it ? " " You 're really sure of yourself aren 't you ? " I snapped at his face before I knew it . His overwhelming presence and his way of approach made me annoyed . Avoiding his eyes , I mumbled , " I 'm not afraid of you . " Though I never was a good liar , especially not when someone was four inches away from my face and peering into my eyes . He figured that out quite fast . He laughed and finally put some place between the two of us so I could breathe again . When he talked again , he wasn 't looking at me , his smile was gone and his voice sounded somewhat baffled . " I 've never met someone before who knew . " He looked at me again when he said , " Will you give me another chance , please ? I want to know more . Will you please meet with me again , in a café or something . It doesn 't matter where , but please don 't turn away before you gave me a chance . " His voice was full with fear and hope at the same time . Now it was my turn to put my hand in my hair . I didn 't know what to say . " I don 't know a lot either , " I mumbled . His eyes grew desperate and he looked so lonely it made my stomach twist uncomfortably . I wanted to turn away and leave , but I just couldn 't . Even though it was completely against everything I always vowed to myself , I couldn 't make myself tell him to leave me alone . God , I 'm crazy . I took a deep breath . " All right , we 'll meet again , but I don 't know if I have any useful information for you . Don 't be mad when I can 't help you . " His eyes turned from deep sadness to the biggest happy puppy eyes I had ever seen . He put both hands in his hair this time and looked so incredibly relieved . " Are … are you serious ? You 're not saying that so I will let you leave and never appear again ? " Even if I had planned to do that , I wouldn 't have been able to deny and do it after he said that . " No , I didn 't say it go get away . I promise we will meet again . I can 't meet tomorrow though , but Monday after school if that 's possible for you ? " What was I doing ? I still was afraid of him , but being under the eyes of lots of people would help . " Where we met this morning . We will see where to go from there , " I said . Chewing on my lip , I added , " I don 't want to be rude or anything , but I really do have to go now , my parents will be home in a half hour and I have to cook . " He blinked and came back into the present , his eyes looking into mine again . " Right , yeah , of course . So I 'll see you Monday afternoon then ? " My head went through the conversation over and over again as I crossed the last streets before I ended up in our backyard again . The change in his eyes had made me change my mind . I never intended to meet him again , I didn 't want to see him again , but when he was almost begging me on his knees not to abandon him , something inside me broke . I felt for him , although I didn 't trust him and still was afraid of him too . He could be intensively sweet now , but in three weeks , he would be the same monster as my mother was those last days . One supernatural creature in my life was enough to deal with . All the lights were off in our house and as I walked inside , I turned it on in the kitchen and in the living room . I had taken a bunch of potatoes with me from the shed and dumped them on the kitchen table . Within a couple of minutes I heard a key turn in the front door and Sam came in with his guitar on his back , his mouth grim . I looked at him as he came through the doorway . " Don 't start , I 've had enough for today already , " Sam said . " That bad ? " I asked , concern growing . He looked sombre , if not worse . " You don 't have to tell me if you don 't want to . Don 't feel pressured , " I added . He eased up a bit , still sombre though . I continued cooking as he fell down on the couch and watched television . At 17 . 15 pm mom walked in and I heard a flop as she let her bag fall to the ground from what sounded like a yard high . " Hi mom , how was your day ? You were off early . " " Yeah , I did and yes of course I have the supplies . There in the cupboard . " As my mother walked through the kitchen I pointed out in what cupboard exactly . " No , one further left . Yeah , there . Now open it and there they are . Did I get the right butter ? I wasn 't sure if this is the same as we use normally , because they changed the wrapping . " She realized then what I was doing . " Oh honey , are you cooking for us ? That 's so sweet and it is the right butter indeed . " She came over to me and hugged me . " You always know exactly what I need after a long day work . " She buried her face in my neck for a moment and she looked up again . " Ah , your dad is home too . " I served dinner and we ate in silence . Dad had had a nice day off with his colleagues . His work organized an amusing event once a half year and this time he had spent the day on the water in a canoe . He deserved a day off like that , for everything he got through once a month , every month . After dinner Sam and I got upstairs to make some homework in my room . He still was down , while he normally was cheered up all the time . He couldn 't concentrate himself and I couldn 't either , so we stopped soon after we started . I got to bed early , I was tired and I just wasn 't in the mood to go downstairs to watch some kind of television show that included nail - biting games . No movies were on tonight anyway . When I woke up after I slept for a while , or at least I thought I had slept , I heard my mother talking to my dad in the bathroom . " Honey , I know what I smelled . You know I can recognise it . " " No , it wasn 't something else . I recognize that scent out of anything and you know it . Kayley was around a werewolf today and it wasn 't me . " My eyes shot open . She knew . That 's why she laid her head in my neck . She smelled something was off and she had to make sure it was me , but how was that possible ? I hadn 't noticed a different smell on him when the wind blew my way . Even in my dreams he came back to me . His long legs in a blue jeans , his muscular torso in a navy T - shirt , his body surrounded by red sunlight coming from behind his back . His face lit by bright yellow sunlight or by dark , strong red sunlight , his enormous begging grey eyes and a wolf with yellow eyes staring aggressively into mine . When I woke up the images were still haunting me and lines of our conversation were strangled with them . I couldn 't get them off my mind and after two hours of struggling with my head , I stopped trying . Monday I would meet him again and I desperately hoped seeing him in normal daylight and with the little things I knew of him now , would help me to free myself of my thoughts of him . I vowed to myself years ago that I would never get myself involved with someone of my mother 's kind in my life , because I knew the consequences of her curse too well , and now here I was ; I had agreed to meet with this Rayne again , because I felt sorry for him . Was it really that hard to keep the one promise I made to myself ? I would tell him some things I knew and I would friendly make sure he understood he had to leave me alone after that . It felt like the weekend had lasted forever , while it only had been a night and a day . I would meet Kayley this afternoon again and I couldn 't wait . I knew it was stupid to rely on this conversation so much . Kayley didn 't trust me at all and if I could trust my instinct , she didn 't want anything to do with me . It wasn 't that I didn 't understand . I was a complete stranger , coming into her life out of nothing , following her all day long waiting for a chance to speak with her . It was naïve to think she would be eager to help me , but I had been alone for so long . With nobody around to talk to once in a while . But there she was . This beautiful girl , who knew about the curse , who could help me understand more about it , who could make an end to my lonely and quiet life , if I could earn her trust so she wouldn 't turn away after all . Now the silence was killing me . I didn 't see my family and friends anymore , I had to break my bond with them for their safety . Not that they were so sad about it after I broke them mentally and the house literally . So left my hometown soon after my parents made sure they didn 't want me in their lives anymore . I had been alone after that , and two and half years of being on my own had even been too much for me . I needed some sound on the background now , always . I went crazy without it . I was lucky that both of my neighbours had little children who would scream and yell at seven that they didn 't want to go to bed already when they were playing outside or when they didn 't got what they wanted . Thinking about my parents made me think of what Kayley had said about hers . She needed to make dinner for them . That meant she still had a good bond with her parents . I was wondering who she knew that was a werewolf . She didn 't seemed broken , only terrified when I was close . I would find out this afternoon . I looked at the clock . Cafe Book BeanTalk Books . Drink Coffee . RedheadedBookloverJust a redheaded woman who is obsessed with booksFNM100 Books and Reviews for 2017The Nutty Book BloggerFree to be Me ! Dirty Sci - Fi BuddhaLucas LeJosep GodedSeeking TruthDPNewsWATTPAD REVIEW CORNERStory picks from wattpad and more . . . . Aidan J . ReidBestselling Irish Thriller Authorcassiellensecretstorysamantha the reader Wandering WivesA Comedy Lesbian Travel BlogThe Historical Diaries : Looking Into Our Pastmiss . shelby . dianeReading is my passion . Writing is my outlet . Creativity is my medium . Books and Bliss " What really knocks me out is a book that , when you are all done reading it , you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up whenever you felt like it . " - J . D . SalingerTable 41 : A Novel by Joseph SugliaSelected Essays and Squibs by Joseph SugliaThe Web log of Dr . Joseph SugliaLibby ColeRomance writer and readerthewildbookworms

What , another Mormor story , so soon ? Well , the first part is a little story that Mormor wrote , and after it , in honor of independence Day , a story from the other side of my family . First , from Mormor . . . Though my father was a naturalized citizen he always celebrated the Fourth of Julyas a loyal American by going some place for a picnic , and by ordering ice cream and soda pop from Scotia . As we started out we stopped at the station in South Fork to pick up these goodies . Of course , Mother had used the previous day to cook all kinds of picnic food . Dad didn 't own a car at first , so we traveled in the spring wagon to nearby places like the Green Point Ranch or the Patmore place near the base of Old Baldy . * Later , my father 's cousin Alfred Anderson came out from Rio Dell to take us where there were public picnics planned for the day , such as at Devoy 's Grove , Lane 's Flat , or Bear Creek . ( I recall very vividly my excitement when Alfred drove up in his new Hudson Super - Six . It was black and had real leather cushions that smelled so good in the hot summer sun . Later he had other cars , but none so impressed me as that Hudson . ) * I often Google Mormor 's site references such as Old Baldy and Devoy 's Grove , and very often find no references . They may very well be archaic names which have faded in the past 100 years . * * * * * Meanwhile , a couple of hundred miles ( and about 30 ˚ F ) away , the residents of Chico , a hot and dusty Northern California valley town , were enjoying the holiday as well . On one of those long - ago Independence Day picnics the Pierce family were at Children 's Park , by the Bidwell Mansion in Chico , for the festivities . There were fireworks as the light faded , but something went horribly wrong on this evening . An errant rocket strayed into the crowd of onlookers , and killed a child . The toddler Helen , the youngest Pierce child who would one day become my great aunt , became separated from her older sisters in the ensuing confusion and horror , and stood screaming as crowds of people rushed past . Helen remembers bI hope all who visit Foolery today fully enjoy the holiday weekend ahead , in safety and togetherness with the ones you love . My grandmother , Mormor , was a decent , upright citizen and a lady . However . No one could get a twinkle in her eye over something daring , something naughty , quite the way Mormor could . She was a fascinating mix of exemplary behavior and a taste for trouble . This story of Mormor 's captures her mischievous spirit quite well , and the asides are all hers , not mine . Also , please keep in mind that she told this story to children when we were barely old enough to know what alcohol was . * ( Photo stolen from Matthew Harris on Flickr ) As a growing girl my folks allowed me now and then to go to the public dances nearby with the Lou Reid family , so I learned to dance quite young . Midnight supper was to be eaten in the hall with the Reids no matter who might ask me to be his supper partner . ( Later on I was allowed to go to dances with the boyfriend of the moment , so usually ate supper in his car . However , I always managed to include another couple to eat with us . Foxy Mormor ! ) To digress a bit , this was in the Prohibition era , so the dance was a fine sales place for moonshine liquor . I was told that the procedure was to lay a dollar bill on a certain stump in back of the dance hall , leave for a few minutes , and then come back to pick up a full bottle . The secrecy was because the government revenuers might show up any minute to arrest the liquor makers . Well , one night they did just that as Fay Myers rounded the corner of the hall hugging his bottle . Then the chase was on . Someone turned on his car lights that shone right on Fay , and the officers took off down the dusty road after him . Somehow Fay escaped into the woods nearby with his bottle intact . I shall always remember Fay 's bow legs sprinting down the road with three men after him , and how we kids laughed at the whole proceeding . * Foxy Mormor ! ( and that aside is all mine ) I 've been fighting a losing battle with laundry this week - - aww , who am I kidding ? All of my life ! But I was reminded of this story of Mormor 's , and I 'm planning not to complain about laundry , or gas prices , or heat , or ANYTHING . For a few days . Martin , Esther ( who was later to be Mormor ) , Art , Eileen , and Elise ( who would be called Momone , rhymes with " hominy , " by her grandchildren ) My mother was addicted to washing on Monday so , when the water pipes to the ranch house became frozen , some other means of washing had to be worked out . So my father hooked up our old white horse , Lad , to a sled on which he heaped two tubs , some wood and kindling , soap , a scrub board , two iron bars , and the dirty clothes to top off the load . Then away we went down to the Eel River which bordered out place . There we helped Dad make a circle of stones while I carried water to partially fill one tub . Then Dad built a fire inside the stones , laid the bars across , and put the tub on them . Then Dad went home and Mom began washing as soon as the water got hot . I filled the second tub with rinse water . After the job was done and things put back on the sled , I happily had the privilege of driving old Lad home . I must confess that I doubt if I could have turned him away from the trail - - he knew where his barley box was ! Anyway , all this happened more than once , and that was a far cry from our automatic washers of today . ( Photo stolen from Nikolay Chigirev ) In honor of a long holiday weekend , here is a very long Mormor story . * * * * * The road to San Francisco went by our ranch when we first lived at Camp Grant , because the Redwood Highway along the south fork of Eel River was not yet constructed . The road was not a very good one ; it was rough , full of slip - outs and slides here and there , and with sharp turns and steep hills . It was especially bad in stormy weather . Late one rainy afternoon a fine - looking car drove by the place , apparently on its way to San Francisco . We noticed it because there were not many cars in the area , and people usually didn 't do much traveling toward night , especially if it was stormy . About eight - thirty , as we all were sitting by the fireplace , there came a knock at the front door . My father opened it and there stood a bloody , muddy , soaked - to - the - skin man who immediately said , " We 've had a car accident . Will you help us ? " " Of course , " said Dad . " Come in . " Then the man told us his name was Dusenbery , he had his brother with him , and also an older man who was a banker from New York who was interested in buying redwood acreage . He said he couldn 't see very well in the darkness ( cars had poorer headlights in those days ) so he drove into a slip - out on a sharp curve . The car slid over and rolled down the hill , stopping up against a tree . The men were thrown out of the car and he , after determining that he had only a broken arm plus scratches and bruises , began to feel about and call to locate the other two . Finally he found the banker whose chief problem was a bad scalp wound that was bleeding profusely . There being no first aid kit there wasn 't anything he could do for the man , and he feared greatly for the banker 's life . Then he called and called as he slipped and slid around on the muddy hillside but could not find his brother . He knew it was up to him to get help , remembered passing our farmhouse , so somehow he found his way to our place . Mother had hurried to get hot water to wash blood and mud off Mr . Dusen ( Photo stolen from these guys ) It was not too easy to find the exact spot where the accident happened , but , after several stops , they finally found the place . Dad managed to turn the wagon around , and then went slipping and sliding down the hillside to where the banker lay while Mr . Dusenbery called for his brother . Finally he , too , was located , and was able to help his brother and Dad put the banker on the ladder ; the men , by pulling and pushing him , got the banker up to the road at last . How they got that man into the wagon is more than I know , but they did , and then started back . Dad tried to make the trip back as gentle as possible , though he had a hard time , for those horses knew a warm barn was waiting . When they got into the house Mother put the banker , Mr . Franchot , in an easy chair by the fire , feeling that his head wound would bleed less if he were sitting erect . Then she cleaned around the wound and put on butterfly patches to hold the sides together . Then , oddly enough and despite the loss of blood , he seemed quit comfortable . Meanwhile Mother insisted that the other young man lie down on the lounge because she said his eyes didn 't look right . ( It turned out that he had suffered a bad concussion and really didn 't become aware of much for a week or so . ) So they waited for the train with Mr . Dusenbery sitting by the fire in a lot of pain . Then my father came in after putting the wagon under shelter and the horses in the barn . Knowing that he 'd be using them again soon he didn 't unharness them . The horses must have felt that Dad really had lost his mind , nevertheless they accepted the extra tidbit of barley that he gave them . Ed came back shortly with the good news that the train , doctor , and nurses were on the way . The engineer would blow a long blast every now and then so that as soon as we heard it , preparations could start to get the victims to the siding . I felt quite important as I was assigned to listen for the train whistle ( childhood 's acute hearing ) , so I sat by a slightly opened window so I wouldn ' ( Photo stolen from these guys ) Since I wasn 't there I don 't know just how my father and Ed managed this , but several days later there was this beautiful Chalmers Six safely fastened down on a flat car that had been ordered . The car really wasn 't hurt very much ; I guess the mud was soft . Anyway I recall the odor of its leather seats when the sun shone on them and how I enjoyed just sitting in the car . In later years Mr . Dusenbery came by several times and always insisted on giving my father a $ 50 bill on each visit . He told us the banker 's wound simply would not heal until the doctor found and removed from deep down in his head a redwood needle . ( Photo stolen from these guys ) Near Christmastime the year of the wreck I was amazed to get a little package from Olean , New York . You can imagine how I hurried to open it . There lay , in a jeweler 's box , a most lovely little lavaliere that had a central ruby surrounded by small pearls . Accompanying it was a wee thank - you note addressed " to the little girl who helped . " It was the only piece of jewelry that I had for many years , and I wore it on all dress - up occasions . I 've kept it all these years and now have given it to Sheri , my oldest granddaughter , along with the story about it , in the hope that she 'll enjoy it as much as I did . In the thick redwood groves of early 20th century Humboldt County , California , where the car was not yet king and hitching up the team of horses was a big job , walking the railroad tracks was probably the best way to get from one place to another . It was certainly a direct route in land carved up by rivers and overgrown by ferns and redwood seedlings . Consequently , many of my grandmother 's childhood stories involved train tracks , trains and sometimes the people who operated them . Here are four of these stories , just as she wrote them , which was just the way she told these stories to her grandchildren at bedtime . ( Original photo stolen from oohkumar on Flickr ) Several odd and funny incidents happened to me as I walked the railroad track from the ranch to the school at South Fork . Rarely did I take the walk alone , but one time I had gone to the store at Dyerville for mail and snuff for Dad , so the other students had gone ahead . The gentle rain turned into a thunderstorm that soon seemed right above me . I got off the railroad track as soon as I could ( safer ) and took refuge in a small subway below the track . There the county road ran beneath the railroad as did a small creek , which was separated from the roadbed by a four - foot high cement wall . I leaned against the wall as there was a place above where not quite so much rain could come pelting down . In a moment the lightning struck very near , and its concussion and possibly the steel in the cement combined to knock me flat on my face into the muddy roadbed . You can be sure that I lost no time getting out of there in spite of the rain . When I told my folks what had happened they warned me never to seek shelter there as I could have easily been killed . ( Photo stolen from The Big Jiggety on Flickr ) Another time when I was alone I saw a hobo walking toward me but at quite some distance away . I got the strongest hunch that I 'd better get off the track and out of there , so over the bank I slid and on down to the river bar . It was wide and open but I lost no time in crossing it and getting to the trees nearby . I decided not to follow the old road that wound through the pepperwoods but to cut across the fields as the shortest way home . I also figured if the hobo had followed me he would think I 'd taken the road . I arrived home safely , out of breath , and really unable to explain my flight . I can tell you , though , that that guy would have had no luck trying to catch me . ( Photo stolen from these guys ) When we moved to Camp Grant the Northwestern Pacific Railroad tracks were being built through our land . The supervisors and foremen ate lunch at our place so we got to know them all quite well . Often they 'd give me a ride to school whether by engine , caboose , flat car , handcar or speeder . One time I was riding on a noisy speeder having been given a ride by one of the supervisors . All of a sudden there was a loud whistle blast right behind us . Engineer St . Louis had somehow sneaked his engine up real close without our hearing it . The supervisor threw the speeder off the track while I lost no time sliding down the bank . Then we saw St . Louis laughing his head off . Ever after you know who kept a sharp eye to the rear . I 'll never understand how such a huge thing could be moved so close so quietly . ( Photo stolen from these guys ) St . Louis obviously enjoyed his little jokes because he also had some fun at my cousin Bill 's expense . The track had very few places wide enough to allow one to get off the railroad and be a safe distance from a passing train . There was one small canyon where Bill , Carl ( Bill 's brother ) and I were standing when St . Louis covered us all with steam shot out from the engine . Bill began to scream and swear , all the while shaking his little boy fist at St . Louis . Just Bill 's fist stuck up out of the steam , which evidently amused the engineer no end . Ever after it was a game with him to try to catch Bill in a narrow spot and cover him with steam . ( Original photos stolen from this guy and this guy ) The Mormor Stories : Saturday Night Dance ( Original photo stolen from JAM1978 on Flickr ) We take so much for granted these days . It 's easy to think of the obvious - - television , Tivo , computers , even electricity . But what about how to spend your occasional unfettered Saturday nights ? We THINK we could get along with a strong candle and a good book , but really ? Could we do without a Miles Davis or Grateful Dead disc playing in the background while we read ? Or a scented pomegranate candle , maybe ? And who among us would be jonesing for a Starbucks coffee or ( like Yours Truly ) a big balloon of Trader Joe 's Two - Buck Chuck diesel red ? Now read this account , and ask yourself if you really long for those days of simpler pleasures . You still may . The first winter we were on the ranch at Camp Grant my mother discovered that we were , by custom , supposed to hold dances now and then at our house . This because we had a big living room and a large dining room that had good floors for dancing if well - smeared with candle wax ahead of time . Mom didn 't mind the wax , but she adamantly refused having a bale of hay to work in the wax ; she said that shoes will soon do the job . Midnight supper , consisting of box lunches and coffee , also became my mother 's job . It was no small task , for she never knew how many to prepare , and the nearest store was miles away . I got to stay up way past my bedtime for I could help Mom , and besides , who could sleep with an accordion and violin being played very loudly so dancers in both rooms could hear ? After I 'd finished my little jobs one winter night , I sidled into the dining room to watch , and was quite thrilled with it all . Then along came Jinx Hall , a young man of about twenty , who asked me why I wasn 't dancing . I answered most seriously and truthfully , " Jinx , I don 't know how . " So we went whirling about with my toes touching the floor only now and then . We must have made an odd - looking couple because my nine - year - old frame only reached to his top vest button . But it was heaven for me and , after that dance number was over , he gravely thanked me and brought me back to my corner . You can bet I rushed into the kitchen calling , " Mama , Mama , I danced ! I danced with Jinx Hall . He asked me and he thanked me too ! Isn 't he beautiful ? " ( Photo stolen from these guys ) Bringing the herd in to be milked is almost always easy . There are very few real ups , but then there are not so many downs , either . Here in the flat flat North Valley , with good strong fences and the promise of grain in the barn to entice the cows , bringing in a docile herd was almost always a piece of cake . My grandmother 's experience nearly 100 years ago , in the wilds of redwood country ( probably with no fencing ) , was a different matter . Here is her story . One of my jobs on the ranch was to round up the dairy cows for the evening milking . They wandered all over the flat at Camp Grant and might be just anywhere . My father put a bell on one cow which was supposed to help me locate them , but really didn 't , because hills on both sides of the flat caused the sound to echo and re - echo in a most unhelpful way . One afternoon I had looked for the herd at one end of the area with no success so I half - ran to the upper end as it was getting late . Finally , about a half mile from the ranch I located the cows peacefully feeding in a meadow on what we called " The Island . " They were in no mood to go home , so I had quite a time rounding them up . The way back was a trail that led through a thick redwood grove which made it seem darker and later than it may have been . When we were part way through the grove I heard the most awful scream and right away thought of our hired man 's telling of seeing panther tracks a few days before . Since the scream seemed to come from my right , I quickly rushed over to the left and ran up to get into the middle of the herd , figuring the animal wouldn 't find me among them . And , anyhow , the cows were bigger and juicier than I was . The screams kept on and I was terribly worried that the animals would panic and outrun me . However , they didn 't , and finally we came out into the open again where I could see much better and felt much safer . Well , it turned out that the screams I heard came from two small trees scraping against each other when a gust of wind blew them together . No one teased me about it , and I soon figured out why - - somebody else would get the job of finding those wandering cows . ( Photo stolen from jessthespringer on Flickr ) June , 1902 . Taking you back to the very beginning of Mormor 's stories : the true tale of her mother 's brave journey , alone , into a country bigger than her imagination could stretch . Waiting for her there were her fiancé and his cousin ( the only two people she knew in America ) , and American English , a language she would never really learn . My mother , Elise Holmgren ( born Alis Karlsson ) was born in the province of Skâne in southern Sweden . After she finished school she met my father and they became engaged . To Dad there didn 't seem to be much of a future in Sweden as there wasn 't enough family money to send him to a university , so , when an offer of a job in California came , he set off . Both he and Mom were to save money for her passage to join him as soon as possible . Finally the great day arrived and she sailed off for America . ( Photo stolen from these guys ) She was afraid she 'd get seasick , so a friend of Dad 's gave her a small bottle of brandy with instructions to take a small swallow every morning which , he said , would take care of that . Well , the Atlantic was calm in June and many passengers spoke Swedish so Mom had a great time . She made the transfer from Ellis Island and to the train for Chicago with not much trouble , but there her difficulties began . A clerk in Liverpool had sold her a ticket on a slow , old milk train that wound up through the Dakotas , far from the direct route by Union Pacific to San Francisco that she had paid for . Of course , the clerk kept the difference in the fare price . As the train poked along it stopped at every tiny station . Then Mom discovered there was no diner or sleeping car so she knew something was wrong , but couldn 't do anything about it for she spoke no English . All she had to reassure herself was asking the conductor , " San Francisco ? " and seeing him nod , " Yes . " After about two days of this the train stopped for water and a few men passengers . Mom had her window open a bit and heard one of the men swear lustily in Swedish . She threw the window open wide and called out , " Can you speak Swedish ? " One young man looked quite startled and answered that he did , and could he help her in any way ? He came up into her car and heard her sad story . He , too , assured her that the train was going to San Francisco , and that he was traveling on that train to a place called Sacramento , which wasn 't very far from her destination . At the next station he found some food for Mom and even rustled up a pillow . He said he was an electric engineer who had just finished a job on a dam and was going to a similar job up the San Joaquin River in California . Mom told him that she was going to Eureka where she would be met by the man to whom she was engaged . For the rest of the way the engineer saw that they both had regular meals with little treats , for he was becoming quite enamored of the unexpected passenger ( Mom was a cute little When Dad came to see her the next weekend the hotel owner hurried to ask him who Mom knew in Fresno . Of course he wanted to know why she asked him that , and she answered that my mother had gotten two letters from there in the past week , and they were in a man 's handwriting . Well , I guess they had quite a quarrel about it , which ended with Mom 's promise to write the engineer and tell him she was going ahead with her plans to marry Martin . Which she did on October 12 , 1904 , after working two years to build up a dowry in the European fashion . Somewhere between work and home tonight I came down with a head cold , soon to be avian flu or rabies . Until that kicks in I have some blogs to check on , some fermented medicine to administer to myself , and a movie to watch ( since I rented it about eight years ago , I may as well ) . I had all kinds of plans for my blogging activities tonight , but I 'm taking the easy way out and writing up another Mormor story . In light of this week 's federal and state decision to ban all salmon fishing this year on the California coast , and I think in the rivers , this story seems appropriate . Esther 's ( Mormor 's ) little sister Eileen and baby brother ArtLong ago it was not against the law to spear salmon on the Eel River - - just don 't do it at night . But what with school , chores and supper , not much daylight was left in which to fish . So my brother , Art , and sister , Eileen , strapped a flashlight on a long spear and took off for a big riffle near the ranch . Though it rapidly became dark they felt they were in the clear because our land deed stated we owned to the middle of the river . Therefore they were fishing on their own property and no Fish and Game officer could arrest them . After sitting on the bank for a bit just listening to the quiet ripple of the water , there finally came the great splashing that told of a salmon working its way up the riffle . Art dashed into the water , located the fish with the flashlight , jabbed his spear at it , missed , and tried again . This time he was successful and had dragged the fish almost to the shore , when a big , bass voice boomed out of the darkness , saying For an instant the kids were paralyzed with fear , then they both thought of running for it , but by that time the man 's flashlight had exposed them both . In another second or so a loud laugh greeted them , and a voice said , " Hey , this is Bob . How are you doing ? " It was the neighbor 's hired man who had wondered what was going on when he saw the glow of the kids ' flashlight . He complimented Art on his catch for it was a fine , big fish , but he 'd taken away any desire they had for night fishing again . When I was in the 6th grade at South Fork we heard that a movie was being made in the redwoods between South Fork and Dyerville . It was to be called " The Valley of the Giants " and the male lead was Wallace Reid . I don 't recall the name of the heroine . Several days later I was visiting Ruby Patmore who lived near the railroad station . Apparently the movie group was leaving for Hollywood as they were at the station waiting for the train . Mrs . Patmore answered a knock at her door and there was Wallace Reid , who bossily ordered her to get him a drink of water . " Mr . Reid , " she said , " I 'm just a country person , but I was taught early to say please when I wanted a favor . " The actor looked most oddly at her and finally said , " Please may I have a drink of water ? " " That 's better , " she replied . " I 'll get one for you . " She did , and he learned his lesson well enough to remember to say thanks . Years later the movie moguls decided on a remake of " The Valley of the Giants . " They used the lumbering town of Crannell as the site of the story . Because I was teaching there I didn 't get to watch the movie - making , but did eat at a special dining room with the extras . I got somewhat acquainted with William Powell , to whom I confided that I thought the choice of big , handsome Milton Sills for the lead was much better than the earlier hero - - Wallace Reid . On the next Friday night I took the train from Eureka to go home for the weekend . Who should walk up to my seat , asking if he could join me , but William Powell ! After an hour or so of chatter we arrived at the station at South Fork . It was practically totally dark , so he was much concerned that I might not be met . I agreed to wave Dad 's flashlight to show him my father was there , which he was . As I waved , Dad remarked that it was nice of the man to be concerned , and really out of character from what he 'd heard of Hollywood men . I heard this Mormor story many times over the years , as I did all of her stories . But it was only as I prepared this story for my blog that I realized which actor Mormor had met . ( Photo stolen from these guys ) ( Photo stolen from these guys ) Camp Grant is not a town , but more an area . It 's one of the places where Ulysses S . Grant made camp once when , as an army officer , he was stationed in San Francisco . I forget why he went north to Humboldt . In any case , it is a flat area along the Eel River in Humboldt County . Those tall trees are probably redwoods and cedars . It 's a beautiful site , as this picture from 2005 shows , but a century ago it was a challenging place to scratch out a living , and it was sometimes dangerous . Here 's another Mormor story . About two years after we moved to Camp Grant we experienced a very bad , stormy winter . After over two weeks of rain and snow in the mountains the streams were flooding , and the whole country was soggy . On New Year 's Eve 1914 - 15 my father became very concerned for our safety as the Eel River that bordered our place was rising fast . Also , part of the river broke through on the other side , leaving our house and barn on a small island . Dad thought he could save us by nailing two scrubs together to make a raft ( about eight feet by twelve feet ) which he hoped to pole across the river 's bypass , which was not very deep but was swift . Meantime he had put stakes into the river 's edge so he could measure how fast it was rising , and he went there each hour all night long to check , and to drive new stakes as the others were swept away . Of course we all were terribly frightened and couldn 't sleep at all . We got ready our rain coats and boots and prayed we wouldn 't have to use the raft . If so , Dad had built a new barn on the hill beyond the bypass , so thought we could stay there until the flooding was over because part of the barn had a dirt floor so we could have a bonfire . Luckily about four in the morning the rain stopped , and at five o ' clock the stake showed that the river had stopped rising . By six o ' clock it had begun to fall a little , and by ten the water was nearly gone from the field near the house . It had risen to a part of the barn and to the corner of the woodshed , so you can know how rThe Eel River eventually won , and Esther 's parents moved " to town " in their twilight years . A quick Mormor story , since it is very late and I 've been up drinking beer talking to Gubby on the phone drinking beer talking to Gubby on the phone and scanning old old old photos . There are great disadvantages in not knowing the language very well when you live in an English - speaking country . For instance , I broke out with a rash that my mother saw was getting worse despite home remedies . So my father described it to a nice neighbor lady who immediately diagnosed it as poison oak . She told Dad to put me in an Epsom Salts bath which would neutralize the poison . So Dad came back , told Mother what to do , and Mom prepared the tub of warm water , ready to cure the rash . Well , something was lost in translation because she had put in lots of plain salt . When I hit the water and the salt got into the places I 'd scratched , I screamed , and Mom was unable to hold me in the tub . Dad came running to help and between them I had a real salty bath , yelling my head off the whole time . Do you know there IS justice in this world - - I 've never had poison oak since ! Humboldt County is one of the northernmost counties in California , and is famous for its redwood groves . The sequoia sempervirens are the tallest trees in the world ( the tall redwoods , not the girth - y ones down in Yosemite , which can be encircled by no fewer than 48 tree - huggers holding hands ) . Into this world of columns of sunlight and fog was born my grandmother Esther a century ago . Not much has changed there since then , except for the advent of electricity ( my great grandfather got electricity in his home after the second world war , only after much badgering by his daughter Esther ) , the disintegration of the logging business , and the subsequent rise of both tourism and the underground marijuana industry . Here is another of Esther 's stories from very early in her life . Rohnerville , where we lived before moving to Camp Grant , had in my estimation a real big school , with four rooms and four teachers . I began first grade there with , as nearly as I can recall , just two English words - - hello and no . Since I couldn 't understand anyone the kids left me strictly alone , and I recall sitting on the school steps nearly in tears because no one asked me to join their recess games . Finally the teacher , a Miss Nelson ( who later became Mrs . Archie Cathey of Miranda ) delegated the job of teaching me English to her little sister who was in my class . Now , Alice was a real go - getter who took her job seriously , so I went through a series of instruction you wouldn 't believe . After I learned the English word for a thing I tried never to use the Swedish word again ( a big error ) , and I pestered Mom ' til she used English too . ( It 's a wonder she didn 't drown me ! ) All this leads up to my unexpected birthday party , which occurred before Alice had made me her project . As I was ready to leave for school I asked Dad , " How do I say in English that today is my birthday ? " He told me , and I repeated it as I hurried to school so I wouldn 't forget how to say it . So , as soon as I got on the grounds I piped up , " Today is my birthday . " The kids then asked me , " Are you having a party ? " I didn 't know what they asked , so I said , " No . " They looked so downcast that I thought I 'd said the wrong thing so I said , " Yes . " Then I was asked , " Can I come ? " Again the same problem so I said , " No . " Sad looks again so I changed it to , " Yes . " All of a sudden I was very popular and this lasted all day . I knew something was wrong but I couldn 't figure it out . When school was out I raced home , burst in the door and asked Mom , " What is a party ? " She explained and I told her what had happened . " Kara Gud , what shall I do ? How many are coming ? " Of course I couldn 't answer . Soon Mom called us to come for birthday cake that she had cut into twenty small pieces , and there was a rush of about twenty kids to our broad back stairs where she had spread newspaper for the guests to sit on . On a table above the stairs Mom had set out the cake , the cookies , and the lemonade , plus all the cups , glasses , and small plates in the house . Alice Nelson lined the kids up so Mom could serve them easily . Every one sat on the stairs except one boy who insisted on sitting at the table because he said you were supposed to do that at a party . After we were finished eating ( which didn 't take long ) Alice came out from the house with an armload of things all wrapped up , and put them in my lap . I wondered what I was to do with them until Mom said to open them - - they were for me . There were ribbons , small toys , and now and there a dime - - all things that the pupils ' mothers had gathered together for the impromptu party . However , I could scarcely credit my good fortune as they all were treasures to me . I lost my grandmother , my mother 's mother , when I was 22 . Until that day I was lucky enough to have all four of my grandparents living . My mother 's mother was born Astrid Patrina Holmgren , although her first name was changed , by her teacher , to Esther , once she started school . Her immigrant parents spoke only Swedish in the home , and little Esther knew very few - - maybe even zero - - English words . Her parents , my great grandparents , had settled in coastal Northern California , an enclave for Swedish immigrants at the turn of the 1900s . They settled in among the redwoods , started a family , and carved out a new life as Americans . ( Original photo stolen from this guy ) Mormor , as we called my grandmother decades later ( Mormor is the Swedish name for maternal grandmother ) had three special gifts that she shared with the world . The first was her ability to talk to children ; she became an elementary school teacher . Her second gift was a flair for story - telling , and with this post as my first post in a series , I will type word - for - word from a packet of stories Mormor made for each of her children , grandchildren , nieces and nephews . These are the stories we kids grew up hearing ; every night we spent under Mormor 's roof meant there would be Mormor stories at bedtime . Her stories often rabbit - trailed , and she was the first person I ever heard use the phrase " but I digress , " regularly and without sarcasm . And yet I realize as I again read the true tales I 've known all my life , she never varied her stories by much . I have tears rolling down my face and I 'm a snotty mess as I hear her voice speak these words in my ear . * * * * * When one is nearly six and can 't talk English one can get quite lonely . My little sister had passed away and there was no one at home with whom to play . Down the road from us there lived a family who had a number of boys ; Mama considered them roughnecks and wouldn 't allow me to go near them . However I was so anxious to find someone to play with that I sneaked down through the orchard to their place , where I wasn 't received graciously at all , so I just sat on a stump and watched their ball game . Time went on ; I was lonesome again . I had practically forgotten the punishment so I sneaked off once more to watch the boys playing . This time Mama came after me with a rope in her hand . Well , when we got about halfway across the orchard I suddenly figured out what the rope was for - - my mother had been pushed too far and was going to hang me . ( Don 't ask me how I knew about hanging . ) You can imagine how I yelled all the way to the house . There Mama tied the rope around me and fastened me to the drain pipe under the sink . Just then there came a knock on the door . Two of our neighbor ladies had heard me screaming and came over to see if my mother was really beating me or if I had a broken arm or something . Mama explained as best she could in halting English what had happened . But the ladies insisted on seeing for themselves , so Mama took them to the kitchen where I had hastily closed the cabinet doors . One lady opened the doors and took a good look at me , though I had squeezed myself back as far as I could . Mama told the ladies that I had to stay there one hour , which apparently satisfied them that I wouldn 't come to any harm .

When you ball up that hamburger wrapper and toss it towards the trash can - he shoots , he scores , the crowd goes wild ! - do you ever consider the feelings of the wrapper as it sails through the unknown ; how it feels when it lands , bruised and confused , in a dark , lonely hole filled with foul - smelling odors ? Ever wonder if that wrapper is wondering what it did to be left , forgotten , abandoned in a dank trash bin ? No ? Well , let me enlighten you : it is sad . It feels like the guy in the movie " Scanners " before his head explodes . It is filled with self - loathing , berating itself over and over for whatever it was that it did to cause you to hate it , to destroy it without a thought . How do I know this ? Because I have been that wrapper . Like that wrapper , I have given my life ( more than once , sad to say ) to others , doing all within my power to keep their food warm , bug - free , and fresh . And yet , no matter how hard I try , I always seem to end up in the trash can confused , alone and abandoned ; never knowing why . It 's scary in the dark alone where I cannot find a way out . I am left purposeless and full of pain . Beyond that , there are monsters out there who love nothing better than to put discarded items in a masher . The metal arms of the masher cut and tear me to bits . Even though I twist myself into a myriad of shapes to fit any hot ( or cold ) sandwich " they " desire , it 's never enough . Some other , prettier , flashier , thicker wrapper always takes my place . I don 't understand , though , why they use me until I am full of holes , my edges totally frayed , and I am no longer good for anything . Where 's the respect for the poor little hamburger wrapper ? Maybe instead of the guy from " Scanners " , I 'm really more like Rodney Dangerfield - you know , " I can 't get no respect ! " Somehow it just seems wrong . Next time you throw away a hamburger wrapper , etc . , be kind to it . Tell it good - bye and thank it for all it has done for you . Is that too much to ask ? Maybe fold it neatly and place it gently in the trash . Better yet , save it , keep it with you , let it prove its usefulness before just carelessly tossing it aside for the next wrapper you come across . You know what ? I think I will start an After - Care program for abused and discarded hamburger wrappers . Crushed soda cans , french fry containers , coffee cups - any used container will be welcome . I think I 'll call it Abused Wrappers Anonymous . Eminem and Vanilla Ice need not apply . There are many things I wish I didn 't remember at all . Being raped at sixteen . A stepfather who beat the hell out of my mother , my sister and me . The hatred I felt towards him . Taking a gun to kill him and nearly killing myself instead . Rejection . The disappointment of every romantic relationship I have ever had . I went from a drunken , mentally , sexually and physically abusive husband to one who was emotionally withdrawn and distant - as usual , from one extreme to another , yes ? My stupidity in returning to that first husband twenty - odd years later , believing things could be different , only to find that nothing had changed after all . The pain of my grandmother 's death . Abandonment . The sexual abuse by a relative . The miscarriages . The pain of being mocked and used and abused over and over again . The self - loathing induced by my cowardice , my inability - or was it really unwillingness ? - to stand up for myself ; for letting these things happen . The physical pain I inflicted on myself by holding so much pain and rage inside . The loss of myself … that 's not really true . I never really knew myself , except for one brief moment in time , and I was too young to appreciate what was happening then . Instead I was a chameleon , changing my look , my sound , even my thoughts to match those around me . Afraid to be me - not even sure there WAS a me to be - because then everyone would know I was stupid and ugly . As long as I reflected them in a flattering light , they wouldn 't notice how distorted and warped I was . The pain of living a lie , of living without the one person who made me real , who made life ( not mere existence ) possible . A lifetime of dissatisfaction . The guilt I feel for whining about any of it . What did my grandmother always say ? " I was sad I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet . " I hate my weakness and self - pity . And yet , there are some things I am glad to remember . The smell of my grandmother cooking bacon and eggs in the morning . The ice blue color of her eyes . Her smile . The look on my mother 's face when she was pleased with me . Riding my pony . The first time I read The Secret Garden or The Chronicles of Narnia or even The Picture of Dorian Gray . Riding on the ferry to Portsmouth with my mom , watching the sun rise . Playing with Paul 's " wah - wah " pedal while he played his guitar . The matching Easter dresses my aunt and I had for church one year . Sitting on the roof of the barn , staring at the bay , the wind blowing through my hair . Getting to sit in the front seat of my dad 's car when he had one of his girlfriends with us . Playing with Steph , singing , holding hands , laughing on the tire swing , giggling together under the covers at night when we were supposed to be asleep . The first time my son really laughed . The first time I saw in a student 's eyes that s / he knew I cared and that I could be trusted . When Charley 's book was published and I knew I had done a good thing for him . The first time I saw Cheap Trick and the original Star Wars movie . And you , Michael . The first time you smiled at me and touched my hand . Your voice . Dancing with you at a junior high school dance . Spending the day at the theme park … the night before we went . Walking in the moonlight with you , watching it play along the sharp planes of your face . The first time we kissed - by the lockers , wasn 't it ? Hellstarr . Your bedroom . The Kiss records . The joy . The long , long , long talks we had - face - to - face or on the phone . The constant touching . The way you would ( and still do ! ) cock your head to the side and purse your lips - ah , those beautiful lips ! The tenth hole green of the golf course . Your mouth . Your jealousy . Your kindness . Your blazing blue - but grey - eyes that make me feel that you see me as a particularly tasty meal you want to devour . Your unconditional love and acceptance of me . The incredibly gentle , yet demanding way you make love to me . The way you sigh my name . The way you cry . The passion , pain and happiness I see in your eyes when you look at me . The contentment we find in each other 's presence . Until you , I didn 't know anyone could really love ME . I always felt I was less than nothing , until you found me . For the majority of my life I have felt only useful , not beloved , not pretty , not smart , not good . You are the only one who can make me feel those things . Somehow , you give me feelings of freakish strength and peace and happiness , just by being in my life - even from a distance . Belief in you , in what was , has held me together through my darkest , loneliest , most horrifying hours ; has forced me not to abandon all hope . Belief in you and what is , and what can be , will get me through now . Thank you , Michael , for the most precious gift of yourself . Thank you for teaching me that love doesn 't have to be degrading or painful or ugly ; that it truly can be beautiful and breathtaking and glorious . But thank you especially , for giving me back to me . For showing me , for allowing me to be , finally , who I truly am . And for loving me anyway . Those things I will happily nev2 Comments » In the spring of 1998 , it was my fourth year of teaching and my first year at what was considered to be the " worst " elementary school in my county . It serviced a very poor neighborhood on the edges of a huge military base . At various times it was , in fact , off - limits to military personnel . Not a weekend went by without a murder , a robbery , a domestic dispute that erupted into violence , " court " versus " court " rumbles , and at least one arrest - and usually more than one . The school population was predominantly African - American , and eighty - nine percent of the student body received free breakfast and lunch . During the 1996 - 1997 school year , the state threatened to take over the school due to poor test performance and behavioral issues . The principal was replaced mid - year . The new principal told the school board and the Superintendent to forget any change in test scores that first half a year ; she had to get the school under control before any academic changes could occur . To that end , all staff had to go through the hiring process again - more than half were thanked for their time and sent on their way . Mrs . T . changed everything about the way that school did business and stuck to her belief ( which I share ) that students must feel safe before any learning can occur . The home lives of most of our students were so unstable , so crazy , that it was no wonder academics were the last thing on their list of priorities . Making it through another day in one piece was number one for most of them . I 'll save the rest of the story about the school itself for another day . Let me say , though , that Mrs . T . and her new staff and positive student / family policies made a really huge difference to those children and their families . Anyway , during the 1997 - 1998 school year I taught a self - contained class of about thirteen students . I was lucky enough to have an assistant , Mrs . M . She was wonderful . I don 't know how I would have managed without her . The students in our class were in grades two through six . One child had mild cerebral palsy , three were borderline mentally retarded , five were emotionally disturbed , and four had a learning disability . Scattered throughout the children were other issues , such as ADHD , Fetal Alcohol Syndrome , and Autism . I was teaching all four academic subjects ( English , Math , Science and Social Studies ) across all five grades , trying to differentiate everything so it hit everyone at their own level . It was a difficult assignment , but I truly loved it . One of my students , the one about whom I was thinking today - hence this story - was a third grader named D . He was small - maybe , maybe , three and a half feet tall . He had a well - above - average IQ . He was emotionally disturbed . His head was shaved , he was thin , he was fast , and he could be really mean - his temper was legendary in the neighborhood . At the age of five , D . had seen his cousin murdered . He then took a knife , used a mirror so he could see his shoulder , and carved a " V " into his shoulder blade . He did this , he later explained to me , to remind him of his cousin 's murder and his vow to avenge him . He was very disturbed . I loved him , but I didn 't trust him very much , until one day in December . I had this thing with my elementary kids , where , if I thought they weren 't telling me the truth , I would say that I could smell their hair burning when they lied . ( A trick my aunt used on her kids to great effect back in the day . ) One day a student approached me and told me that D had done something offensive ( I can 't recall what ) , but when I asked D . about it he denied it . I looked at him suspiciously . He hopped up and down , rubbing the fuzz on his head . I smothered the laugh that threatened to erupt , knelt down and obliged , making a pretense of smelling his hair . Nodding , I hugged him and told him I believed him . He smiled , relieved , and yelled , " I told you so ! " when the child who had come to me initially hung his head in shame and admitted he had lied . From that point on I trusted D . and knew he trusted me . One afternoon in May I walked my students out of the school at the end of the day . Mrs . M . had left early for a doctor 's appointment . I watched as the students moved , en masse , to cross the street and return to their homes . Smiling , glad the day was over and I , too , could go home , I went back to my classroom to get my things . I was startled , upon entering , to see D . sitting at his desk , drawing . I asked what he was doing back in the classroom . He refused to answer me , just kept drawing , scribbling , really , with a black crayon , making huge sweeping movements on the white paper in front of him . I walked over to him , knelt by his desk and tried again . He shook his head again and kept drawing , refusing to even make eye contact with me . Five more minutes of talking - in a calm , quiet voice - proved fruitless . The only responses I received from D . were head shaking and one , " NO . I am NOT going home . " At a loss , I called the office and asked for our head of security , Mr . P . He came down to the room . He had no more luck with D . than I did . After several minutes , Mr . P . told me to leave the room and said he would have to call the police . We are not allowed to touch students , so we couldn 't MAKE him get up and go home , so calling the police was , apparently , the only option . Reluctantly , I left the room , asking D . one more time if he wouldn 't , please , come with me and go home . He looked up at me , finally making eye contact , but shook his head no . I walked out into the media center , which was also the center of the school , and decided to wait there until D . had gone home . I watched the policemen walk towards my room a few minutes later . There were , I noticed , three of them . Three really large policemen , all to deal with a little third grade boy not even four feet tall . Suddenly I heard yelling . Startled , I looked towards my room . The three policemen rounded the corner carrying D . It took all three of them . In their arms he was bucking , flailing his arms , and screaming at the top of his lungs - " Fuck you , you mother fuckers ! ! Put me the fuck down or I will fucking kill you ! " He tried to bite the policeman whose arm was closest to his face . " Goddammit ! ! Fuck you , pigs ! Let me fucking go ! ! ! ! I fucking hate you , fucking mother fuckers ! ! " I wanted to cry as they passed me on the way to the office . I looked around the media center and was sorry to see four or five general education teachers standing in the media center , watching D . 's not - so - graceful exit . I was sorry they were seeing him at his worst , knew it would forever color their dealings with him . Shrugging , I turned to follow D . and his escort , determined to see if there was anything I could do to help . They had taken him to a small conference room off the main office . I walked into the room to see D . sitting in a chair much too big for him , his little hands gripping the arms of the chair so tightly that his dark cream colored skin showed almost bone white . Tears were threatening to run down his face . The three policemen were standing together at the end of the conference table , about six feet from D . I sat in a chair opposite D . and smiled encouragingly at him . He looked at me ; stared , really , tears still filling his eyes . After a few moments he appeared to calm down a bit . I spoke to him softly . I don 't really remember what I said . " I called home , D . , and someone is on their way to get you . I am sorry it had to come to this , son , but we really had no choice . " Mr . P . was an African - American gentleman of average height and build , with a usually smiling face . Not smiling at that moment , though . D . looked up and said , " Fuck you , Mr . P . , and you cops , too . Fuck you . I 'm not going home ! " His body had tensed again at Mr . P 's words , almost as if he was expecting a blow . No one spoke for the next few minutes , we just waited for someone from D . 's home to arrive . " Where the fuck is he ? " I hear someone growl in the main office . " I don 't have time for this shit . Where - " The door opened and in walked a very dark - skinned woman in , perhaps , her early fifties . Her face was angry , her eyes bulging , her hair in disarray . D . 's whole body language screamed fear as soon as she entered the room . She approached the table and began screaming at him immediately . As she spoke , she reached toward him and he flinched away from her . I knew what that meant and I was already sorrier than I could say that we had called this woman to come and get him . I was to become even sorrier . " You think I 'm gonna put up with this shit ? " She screamed . " Well , I won 't , dammit . You think yer gonna grow up to be like yer damn father ? ? Well ! I tell you , " she leaned forward , index finger in his face , voice lowered menacingly , " I tell you that I will fucking KILL YOU MYSELF before I let that happen ! " Her voiced raised to a near scream . " You hear me , boy ? " She slapped his face . " You fucking hear me ? ? ? " I looked at Mr . P . and at the three policemen , totally in shock . How could they let her treat him this way ? Wasn 't her behavior illegal ? Certainly they weren 't going to let this crazy woman take him home ? ? Mr . P . was looking at the floor , obviously uncomfortable . The policemen were looking at each other or at the wall , one of them even smiling . I was nauseated . The woman , D . 's grandmother I found out later , then uttered her piece - de - resistance : " You 're such a bad child . I will not let you upset yer mother anymore . She has cancer , boy , and it all because of YOU ! You 're killin ' yer ma and I ain 't gonna let you hurt her no more ! ! ! " She raised her hand as if to strike him again , and , finally , one of the policemen did something . " Ma ' am , " he said in a very stern voice as he shook his head in the negative . She started in on D . again and I could no longer take it . I got up , like a coward , and left the room , leaning against the wall , tears now streaming down my face , my breath ragged . A moment later the door I had just used opened again and out walked Mr . P . I could still hear the grandmother screaming at D . I put my hands over my ears and cried harder . I stared at him as if he had told me to fly to the moon . " No . I can 't go back in there . I cannot listen to her anymore . Please … " I looked at him pleadingly . Stealing myself , I took a deep breath and opened the door . It was quiet - at last - in the room . Mr . P . looked at me and said , " Ah , Mrs . B . Glad you could rejoin us . D . is going home in a few minutes . Shall I go get his things from the room ? " I looked at D . and then at her . " How about if I take him to the room , Ma ' am ? You rest here and we 'll be right back . " She started to argue but Mr . P . cut her off , saying , " I think that 's an excellent idea , Mrs . B . I 'll escort you both . " I took D . 's hand and we left the conference room followed by Mr . P . , but not , thankfully , by the grandmother . We talked quietly about homework and " normal " things til we got to the classroom . Once in the room I helped him pack his backpack , slipping a few pieces of candy into the outside pocket . I smiled at him and he smiled shyly back . Mr . P . stayed in the background , giving D . some space . A tear trickled down his cheek . He held out his arms to me . I got on my knees and hugged him tightly , and he hugged me back . " I know , D . I can 't smell your hair , so I know you are telling me the truth . " We looked at each other and laughed , then I said , " I love you , too , D . Now let 's go . When you come back on Monday we 'll have a great day , right ? " Rose sat bolt upright in her bed and looked around , confused . That 's odd , she thought . Why would I dream about him now ? She shook her head , took a drink of water from the carafe on her bedside table , and settled back under the comforter . Jeff slept soundly beside her , mouth open as usual , snoring . Sleep claimed her again , and this time it was dreamless . At work the next day , she felt off somehow , like something was nagging at the back of her brain . Throughout the day she drifted off into space , her mind blank , and it took her much longer than usual to get the client billing done . Then she had to complete an inventory of the editing truck they had brought back from the beauty pageant two days before . By the time she got home , she was exhausted and eager for bed . Luckily , Jeff wasn 't home when she got there , so she quickly showered , brushed her teeth , and put on her nightgown - an old , comfortable flannel one . She crawled into bed and fell asleep almost immediately . That night , when she awoke , she knew something was dreadfully , terribly wrong , and it wasn 't only the dream in which she had been trapped that filled her with fear . Afraid to look around the room , she opened her eyes only a very tiny bit , little reptilian slits darting around the room . Outside the moon was nearly full and the silvery glow was pouring into the bedroom window , making it easier to see than usual . Suddenly she knew what was wrong , but she couldn 't quite wrap her mind around it . Jeff was on the bed , on top of her - perhaps it seems incredible that she hadn 't known that sooner , but she had been deeply asleep , dreaming , and it had taken a while for her consciousness to fully rise to the surface . He was on top of her , naked . Her nightgown was pulled up around her hips . This in itself was not particularly odd , as he had some weird habit of fucking her ( yes , fucking , it certainly wasn 't making love ) when she was asleep - almost like he believed she would reject him if he approached her when she was awake . Which she probably would have done . This had happened several times now , though , and she just let it happen because it was easier than fighting him off . She had , to her credit , asked why he did that to her , had asked him to stop . His only answer to why was , " I don 't know " . His answer to being asked to stop was to wait a week or two before assaulting her again . This time , tIn a mercifully short time , Jeff was finished . She thought she would give herself away and jump up when she felt his hot sperm land on her stomach . It was all she could do to keep from wretching and flinching . She did stiffen like a board , knowing by then that he was too drunk or high and too aroused to notice much of anything except his own need . Her eyes tightly closed , she heard a dull thud as the hammer hit the floor , and the squeak of the bed springs as he fell over to the side . Within moments he was snoring . She lay there , tears flowing from her still - closed eyes , pulled down her night gown and moved as far from him as she could in the double bed they shared . She kept repeating to herself , That didn 't really happen . It didn 't . It was just a bad dream . He wouldn 't do that to me … To prove it , she forced herself to look down on the floor beside the bed to see if the hammer was really there . Shit . It was . She got up then , quickly , heedless of waking Jeff , and ran into the bathroom where she ( who NEVER vomited ) threw up repeatedly . She cried as she knelt in front of the toilet , great wracking sobs . Finally spent , she got up , washed her face and brushed her teeth , and returned to her house of torment . She climbed back into bed , careful this time not to do anything to disturb Jeff . She stayed on the very edge of the bed , tense and taught as a bowstring , waiting for the snake next to her to strike again . But he snored on peacefully . She hated him then , more than she ever had done in the past , but her hypervigilence took it 's toll and eventually she fell asleep again . In her sleep she saw Christopher . He was in a car when suddenly there was a bright flash of light and a nauseating crunch of metal . The next thing she saw was his crumpled body in the car . His face was bleeding , as was his arm , profusely . His leg looked to be at an odd angle . She screamed his name and woke up . Little more than a week later Jeff hit her for the first time and knocked her down the stairs . Later she would find it curious that he had done the two things she had specifically said she could not , would not , tolerate : sexual abuse ( she 'd had enough of that already ) , and physical abuse . The night he hit her , after she returned home with his " two fucking packs of cigarettes " , she had told him he had to leave . " I am going to my dad 's in two weeks to stay there for two weeks while he 's out of town . " He had looked at her angrily and replied , " Alone ? " She nodded . " Well , I don 't want to stay here at your mom 's house alone ! " She smiled at him . " That 's the general idea . Pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house . I don 't care where you fucking go , but you cannot , repeat , NOT , stay here . AND I want a divorce . " At that he cried and apologized for being such a bad husband . She just sighed and told him not to worry about it , that their marriage had been a mistake from the beginning , made for all the wrong reasons . She loved him , but not like a husband . She had felt gratitude towards him for " rescuing " her ( or so she thought ) from the relative who was sexually abusing her . When Christopher had written and told her to marry Jeff , be happy , and have lots of babies , what else was there for her ? ( Of course , that was partly her fault , too , as she had not told him the truth about what was going on or about how much she still cared - what if he didn 't want her ? What if he was repulsed by her now that she was damaged goods ? What if he didn 't love her , only pitied her ? Nah , better not to take any chances with that , just hope he would see through the lies she told him . But , he didn 't . ) No one cared or believed her when she tried to tell them about what was happening to her … She was angry at Jeff , but felt guilty because she , at least , had known she was doing something wrong in marrying him . Maybe that was why she took his abuse for so long : she believed she deserved it . Once it was said , Rose felt much better , much calmer , more at peace than she had in a very long time . She was able to sleep , although she went downstairs and slept with her sister . And again the dream came . The car wreck , Christpopher covered in blood , leg broken . This time , though , there was more . She was in the hospital standing by his bed . His head was bandaged and there were all kinds of IVs in his arm . She was holding his hand and talking to him , telling him that she loved him and that he would be fine . At one point his head turned towards her . She smiled at him and told him he would be fine , that she was with him . The shock on his face was almost comical . Then she woke up . What the hell ? ? ? ? she asked herself . " I 'm afraid of what I will hear … . I don 't know . Won 't you do this for me ? ? Please , pretty please with sugar on ? " " Hello " , she heard Donna say into the phone . " My name is Rose and I was trying to reach Christopher . Is he there by any chance ? " Instantly the grandmother 's tone changed to one of welcome . " Honey , let me give you his number , he will be so glad to hear from you ! Call him right away ! " " Well , honey , it 's funny you would ask that because about two weeks ago he was in a pretty bad car accident . " Donna 's eyes nearly popped out of her head and she looked at Rose in awe . " A car accident ? " Rose 's heart sank . " Yes , dear , and he broke his leg , and had some other hurts , but he 's okay now . So you give him a call . Bye now . " " Bye , ma ' am " , Donna said as she hung up the phone . " Did you hear that , Rose ? ? He was in a car accident , just like your dream ! And his leg was broken ! How did you know ? " " No . This is one call I need to make myself . " Breathing deeply , Rose picked up the phone and dialed the number Donna had scribbled on the paper . The phone was picked up on the second ring . It was him . " Hello ? " he asked . She was at a loss for a moment and didn 't know what to say . She lamely ended up saying , " Uh , hi . Bet you don 't know who this is ! " How lame was that , she thought to herself . Dead silence greeted her . " Um , hello ? Are you there ? " They began to talk , and it was like they had never parted , really . Suddenly he said , " You know , Rose , it 's really strange that you would call me now . I mean , at this time . " " Well , a couple of weeks ago I was in a pretty bad car accident " , he began . " I 'm okay now , but the strangest thing happened while I was in the hospital . There was a nurse there , and I couldn 't see her , but she was holding my hand and telling me that I would be fine . And she called me " Christopher " , not " Chris " like everyone else , and , well … it was YOU . I know it was you . Isn 't that stupid ? " He sounded embarrassed , like he wished he hadn 't told her .

In the beginning there was no fire and the earth was cold . Then the Thunderbirds sent their lightning to a sycamore tree on an island where the Weasels lived . The Weasels were the only ones who had fire and they would not give any of it away . The people knew that there was fire on the island because they could see smoke coming from the sycamore , but the water was too deep for anyone to cross . When winter came the people suffered so much from the cold that they called a council to find some way of obtaining fire from the Weasels . They invited all the animals who could swim . Most of the animals were afraid of the Weasels because they were bloodthirsty and ate mice and moles and fish and birds . Rabbit was the only one who was brave enough to try to steal fire from them . " I can run and swim faster than the Weasels , " he said . " I am also a good dancer . Every night the Weasels build a big fire and dance around it . Tonight I will swim across and join in the dancing . I will run away with some fire . " He considered the matter for a while and then decided how he would do it . Before the sun set he rubbed his head with pine tar so as to make his hair stand up . Then , as darkness was falling , he swam across to the island . The Weasels received Rabbit gladly because they had heard of his fame as a dancer . Soon they had a big fire blazing and all began dancing around it . As the Weasels danced , they approached nearer and nearer the fire in the centre of the circle . They would bow to the fire and then dance backwards away from it . When Rabbit entered the dancing circle , the Weasels shouted to him : " Lead us , Rabbit ! " He danced ahead of them , coming closer and closer to the fire . He bowed to the fire , bringing his head lower and lower as if he were going to take hold of it . While the Weasels were dancing faster and faster , trying to keep up with him , Rabbit suddenly bowed very low so that the pine tar in his hair caught fire in a flash of flame . He ran off with his head ablaze , and the angry Weasels pursued him , crying , " Catch him ! Catch him ! He has stolen our sacred fire ! Catch him , and throw him down ! " " Rubbish , " said Alligator . " I know that I am not afraid of the devil and I am not afraid to look at him . Please tell him so for me the next time you see him . " " That is just fine with me , " replied Rabbit . " But Mr . A . , when you see some smoke rising somewhere , do not be afraid . It is a sign that the devil is moving about and will soon be on his way . " " If you hear some fire crackling and its comes closer to you , do not be scared , " said Rabbit . " If the grasses near you begin to smoke , do not be scared . The devil is only wandering about . Then is the time for you to get a good look at him when the heat is hottest . " Next day , Rabbit returned and asked Alligator to crawl up the hill , following him . Rabbit led him to the very top and directed him to lie in the tallest grass . Then Rabbit left Alligator , laughing to himself all the way down the hill , because he had led Alligator to the farthest place away from his home in the water . Alligator could not stand any more toasting ! He started to crawl as fast as he could down the hillside toward the water . He wriggled through the burning grass , snapping his jaws , rolling in pain , and choking from the smoke . " Those girls have seen you now , " Rabbit said . " I will tie you here and go up to see them and try to explain everything . I 'll come back after a while and get you . " After a while Rabbit thought he ought to untie Wolf , and he started back to the place where he was fastened . He knew that Wolf must be very angry with him by this time , and he thought up a way to untie him and get rid of him without any danger to himself . He found a thin hollow log and began beating upon it as if it were a drum . Then he ran up to Wolf as fast as he could go , crying out : " The soldiers are hunting for you ! You heard their drum . The soldiers are after you . " Near the girls ' house was a large peach orchard , and one day they asked Rabbit to shake the peaches off the tree for them . They went to the orchard together and he climbed up into a tree to shake the peaches off . While he was there Wolf suddenly appeared and called out : " Rabbit , old fellow , I 'm going to even the score with you . I 'm not going to leave you alone until I do . " Rabbit raised his head and pretended to be looking at some people off in the distance . Then he shouted from the treetop : " Here is that fellow , Wolf , you 've been hunting for ! " At this , Wolf took fright and ran away again . Wolf 's greed was excited by this , and he said he was willing to hold up the tree . He squeezed in beside Rabbit , who said , " You must hold it tight or it will fall down . " Rabbit then ran off , and Wolf stood with his back pressed hard against the bent tree - trunk until he finally decidedhe could stand it no longer . He jumped away quickly so the tree would not fall upon him . Then he saw that it was only a leaning tree rooted in the earth . " That Rabbit is the biggest liar , " he cried . " If I can catch him I 'll certainly fix him . " After that , Wolf hunted for Rabbit every day until he found him lying in a nice grassy place . He was about to spring upon him when Rabbit said , " My friend , I 've been waiting to see you again . I have something good for you to eat . Somebody killed a pony out there in the road . If you wish I 'll help you drag it out of the road to a place where you can make a feast off it . " Rabbit tied their tails together carefully so as not to awaken the pony . Then he grabbed the pony by the ears as if he were going to lift it up . The pony woke up , jumped to its feet , and ran away , dragging Wolf behind . Wolf struggled frantically to free his tail , but all he could do was scratch on the ground with his claws . " Hah ! " snorted the rabbit , " you know very well that I am the one most full of tricks hereabouts . " And Keoonik did not deny it , for he had suffered much in the past from the rabbit 's mischief . Miko gave a little shiver . " Nonsense ! " snapped Ableegumooch . " Anything a squirrel can do , a rabbit can do better . After all , I am Glooscap 's official forest guide . And his very good friend , " he added proudly . " Strength and speed are on Lusifee 's side , so I must rely on craft , " said Ableegumooch and grinned mysteriously . " When a rabbit 's skin falls short , he must borrow another 's . Well , he 's sure to come here to find me . I 'm off ! " And the rabbit sprang into the air , landing a long distance from his lodge , so as to leave no track near his home . Ableegumooch kept jumping in this way until he thought he was out of scent and sight , then scampered away like the wind . Finding the rabbit 's wigwam empty , he snarled with disappointed fury . However , taking the wigwam for a centre , he kept going round and round it , making each circle a little wider than the one before , until at last he found the rabbit 's scent . He kept on circling until he reached the spot where the rabbit had stopped jumping . Then , swearing by his tail to catch Ableegumooch and kill him , he set out swiftly on a clear trail . As the day passed , Lusifee knew by the freshness of the track that he was overtaking the rabbit , but he did not catch sight of his prey while daylight lasted . As night fell , Lusifee came upon a wigwam all alone on the open marsh , and he poked his head inside . There sat a grave and dignified old fox , whose white hair stuck up oddly on either side of his head . When asked if he had seen Ableegumooch , the old fellow shook his head , but invited Lusifee to pass the night with him . Towards morning , however , he began to shiver and feel most uncomfortable . Waking at last , he looked around in amazement . He was no longer in the warm lodge but lying on the open marsh with snow blowing over him . Then Lusifee saw dimly the marks of a rabbit 's feet and knew Ableegumooch had fooled him . The rabbit , artful at disguise , had masqueraded as the fox and had removed himself and the wigwam while Lusifee slept . " Hush ! " said the porcupine . " Can 't you see we are listening to the storyteller ? " Then Lusifee noticed that the whole tribe was gathered around the fire listening to an old porcupine with white whiskers and oddly - shaped ears . In the land of the Wabanaki , the storyteller is greatly respected , and it is considered most impolite to interrupt him . So the cat was obliged to wait until the stories were over . Then he turned once more to the young porcupine . " Rabbit ? " The storyteller rattled his quills as he thought , and the cat moved back prudently . " No , I 've seen no rabbit . But , my friend , you look tired . You may pass the night with me , if you like , in my lodge outside the village . " Lusifee sprang up more enraged than ever and , swearing now by his claws , as well as by his teeth and his tail , to be revenged on the rabbit , he set out again on the trail . He ran all day and at night came to another village , inhabited by a tribe of bears . He was so weary he could only gasp out : The bears said they had not , but invited him to join in a feast with them , and when they had done eating , they politely asked him for a song . Now the cat was very vain about his voice , and right willingly he lifted up his voice in a song of hate against rabbits . The bears applauded and invited him to join in the dancing , but the cat begged to be excused on account of weariness and sat to one side , watching . Now one of the bears was smaller than the others and his ears were somewhat longer than bears ' are usually . How ever , he was a great dancer and leaped higher in the air than any other . As he passed by Lusifee he accidentally , it seemed , gave the cat a fierce kick , cutting his head and knocking him senseless . When the cat came back to consciousness , he found him self in a wigwam outside the village . A medicine man of the bear tribe was bending over him and the cat noticed that he wore long white feathers on either side of his head . By now Lusifee was growing more suspicious and he looked at the medicine man with narrowed eyes . Forgetting pain and cold , he rushed off , exulting when he found the track of Ableegumooch very fresh . Evidently the rabbit too was tiring from the race and could not be far off . Yes , there was the tricky follow just ahead ! In fact Ableegumooch had been obliged to stop short as he came to the edge of a broad river . The cat grinned with triumph , for he knew that rabbits are no good at swimming . " You can 't escape me now , " he shouted . Poor Ableegumooch . He could run no further . Trembling with fright , Ableegumooch sank down to rest at last . He was not half so cocky as he had been when he started out , for he knew that but for the hawks he would have been a dead rabbit . A flute was playing far off , and the rabbit listened . Then he knew who had sent the hawks to him in the nick of time . In the Old Time , as you know , Ableegumooch was Glooscap 's forest guide and helped wayfarers lost in the forest . However , as time went on , Indians and animals learned to find their own way through the trees and did not need the rabbit 's services so often . Ableegumooch grew fat and lazy . If there was something easy and pleasant to do , he did it . If the thing were difficult or tiring , he did not . Now that is no way to keep a wigwam stocked with food . Often , poor old Noogumee , his grandmother , with whom he lived , had to hunt for food herself , or they would have gone hungry . And no matter how much she scolded him , Ableegumooch refused to mend his ways . Glooscap , far away in his lodge on Blomidon , saw that the rabbit was becoming a thoroughly useless creature . He must be warned against the dangers of laziness . So , wasting no time , Glooscap descended from his lodge to the beach in three huge strides , launched his canoe , and paddled across the Bay of Fundy to the shore near the rabbit 's home . He paid no attention to the tasty leaves and berries he might have been gathering for dinner . He was much more interested in watching other people work . There was Miko the Squirrel scampering up the big maple tree , his cheeks bulged out with nuts , pausing only long enough to scold Ableegumooch for coming too near his storehouse . There was Mechipchamooech the Bumble Bee , busy at the golden rod , gathering honey for his hive . And there was Teetees the Blue Jay , flying worms to his family in the big pine . It was all so interesting that Ableegumooch stopped beside a stately fir tree to enjoy the scene . Suddenly behind him , he heard a voice . The rabbit 's legs were still trembling from fright and exertion , and he promised at once that he would take care to mend his lazy ways in future . And indeed , for a while , he went busily about his hunting and kept the wigwam well stocked with food . But , when autumn came , he grew lazy again and went back to his old careless ways . So sang Ableegumooch as he sauntered through the glory of autumn trees . Noogumee begged and scolded and pleaded , but he continued to spend more time visiting his neighbours than gathering food . One day , when winter had come to the land , he came to the wigwam of Keoonik the Otter . Keoonik politely asked him to dine , and the rabbit promptly accepted . Keoonik turned to his elderly house keeper and addressed her in the usual Indian fashion : Then he took some fishhooks and went off , the rabbit hopping along behind , curious to see what he was going to do . Keoonik sat on the snowy bank of the river and slid down an icy path into the water . In a moment , he reappeared with a string of eels which he carried to his grandmother , and she promptly cooked them for dinner . " Gracious ! " thought Ableegumooch . " If that isn 't an easy way to get a living . I can do that as well as Keoonik , " and he invited the otter to be his guest at dinner on the following day . Then he hurried home . " Come , " he said to his grandmother , " we are going to move our lodge down to the river . " And in spite of all she could say , he insisted on moving it . Noogumee reminded him that the wigwam was empty of food , and he ought to be out hunting , but Ableegumooch paid no attention . He was busy making a slide like Keoonik 's . The weather was cold , so all he had to do was pour water down the snowy bank , where it soon froze , and there was his fishing slide . Early next day , the guest arrived . When it was time for dinner , Ableegumooch said to his grandmother : " Oh , I will see to that , " said the rabbit with a confident laugh , and he took his place at the top of the slide to go fishing . When he tried to push off , however , he found it was not so easy . His coat was rough and bulky and dry , not smooth and slippery like the otter 's . He had to wriggle and push with his heels until at last he slid down and plunged into the water . The cold took his breath quite away , and he suddenly remembered he was unable to swim . Struggling and squealing , he thought no more of fishing , for he was in great danger of drowning . But do you think that cold bath cured Ableegumooch ? Not at all . The very next day , as he ran idly through the forest , he came to the lodge of some female woodpeckers . He was delighted when these Antawaas invited him to dinner . " My , oh my ! " thought Ableegumooch . " How easily some people get a living . What is to prevent me from getting mine in that fashion ? " And he told the Antawaas they must come and dine with him . He took the stone point from an eel spear and fastened it on his head in imitation of a woodpecker 's bill , then climbed a tree and began knocking his head against it . Soon his head was bruised and bleeding , and he lost his hold and fell to the earth with a tremendous crash . The Antawaas could not keep from laughing . Now , sore as he was , you would certainly think the rabbit had learned his lesson . Yet , a day or two later , he was idling in the woods as usual when he came upon Mooin the Bear , who invited him to dinner . He was greatly impressed at the way in which the bear got his meal . Mooin merely took a sharp knife and cut small pieces off the soles of his feet . These he placed in a kettle on the fire , and in a short while they enjoyed a delicious meal . " This must be the easiest way of all to get a dinner , " marvelled Ableegumooch , and he invited Mooin to dine with him next day . Now what the rabbit did not know was that the bears preserve food on their feet . They press ripe blueberries with their paws and , after the cakes have dried upon them , cut bits off to eat . The silly rabbit thought Mooin had actually cut pieces off his paws ! At the appointed time , Ableegumooch ordered his grand mother to prepare the meal , and when she said there was nothing to prepare , he told her to put the kettle on and he would do the rest . Then he took a stone knife and began to cut at his feet as he had seen Mooin do . But oh dear me , it hurt . It hurt dreadfully ! With tears streaming down his cheeks , he hacked and hacked , first at one foot and then at the other . Mooin the Bear was greatly astonished . " Oh dear ! " he said . " My own ways of getting food are hard , but others ' are harder . I shall stick to my own in the future , " and he did . In the beginning there was no fire and the earth was cold . Then the Thunderbirds sent their lightning to a sycamore tree on an island where the Weasels lived . The Weasels were the only ones who had fire and they would not give any of it away . The people knew that there was fire on the island because they could see smoke coming from the sycamore , but the water was too deep for anyone to cross . When winter came the people suffered so much from the cold that they called a council to find some way of obtaining fire from the Weasels . They invited all the animals who could swim . Most of the animals were afraid of the Weasels because they were bloodthirsty and ate mice and moles and fish and birds . Rabbit was the only one who was brave enough to try to steal fire from them . " I can run and swim faster than the Weasels , " he said . " I am also a good dancer . Every night the Weasels build a big fire and dance around it . Tonight I will swim across and join in the dancing . I will run away with some fire . " He considered the matter for a while and then decided how he would do it . Before the sun set he rubbed his head with pine tar so as to make his hair stand up . Then , as darkness was falling , he swam across to the island . The Weasels received Rabbit gladly because they had heard of his fame as a dancer . Soon they had a big fire blazing and all began dancing around it . As the Weasels danced , they approached nearer and nearer the fire in the centre of the circle . They would bow to the fire and then dance backwards away from it . When Rabbit entered the dancing circle , the Weasels shouted to him : " Lead us , Rabbit ! " He danced ahead of them , coming closer and closer to the fire . He bowed to the fire , bringing his head lower and lower as if he were going to take hold of it . While the Weasels were dancing faster and faster , trying to keep up with him , Rabbit suddenly bowed very low so that the pine tar in his hair caught fire in a flash of flame . He ran off with his head ablaze , and the angry Weasels pursued him , crying , " Catch him ! Catch him ! He has stolen our sacred fire ! Catch him , and throw him down ! " " Rubbish , " said Alligator . " I know that I am not afraid of the devil and I am not afraid to look at him . Please tell him so for me the next time you see him . " " That is just fine with me , " replied Rabbit . " But Mr . A . , when you see some smoke rising somewhere , do not be afraid . It is a sign that the devil is moving about and will soon be on his way . " " If you hear some fire crackling and its comes closer to you , do not be scared , " said Rabbit . " If the grasses near you begin to smoke , do not be scared . The devil is only wandering about . Then is the time for you to get a good look at him when the heat is hottest . " Next day , Rabbit returned and asked Alligator to crawl up the hill , following him . Rabbit led him to the very top and directed him to lie in the tallest grass . Then Rabbit left Alligator , laughing to himself all the way down the hill , because he had led Alligator to the farthest place away from his home in the water . Alligator could not stand any more toasting ! He started to crawl as fast as he could down the hillside toward the water . He wriggled through the burning grass , snapping his jaws , rolling in pain , and choking from the smoke . " Those girls have seen you now , " Rabbit said . " I will tie you here and go up to see them and try to explain everything . I 'll come back after a while and get you . " After a while Rabbit thought he ought to untie Wolf , and he started back to the place where he was fastened . He knew that Wolf must be very angry with him by this time , and he thought up a way to untie him and get rid of him without any danger to himself . He found a thin hollow log and began beating upon it as if it were a drum . Then he ran up to Wolf as fast as he could go , crying out : " The soldiers are hunting for you ! You heard their drum . The soldiers are after you . " Near the girls ' house was a large peach orchard , and one day they asked Rabbit to shake the peaches off the tree for them . They went to the orchard together and he climbed up into a tree to shake the peaches off . While he was there Wolf suddenly appeared and called out : " Rabbit , old fellow , I 'm going to even the score with you . I 'm not going to leave you alone until I do . " Rabbit raised his head and pretended to be looking at some people off in the distance . Then he shouted from the treetop : " Here is that fellow , Wolf , you 've been hunting for ! " At this , Wolf took fright and ran away again . Wolf 's greed was excited by this , and he said he was willing to hold up the tree . He squeezed in beside Rabbit , who said , " You must hold it tight or it will fall down . " Rabbit then ran off , and Wolf stood with his back pressed hard against the bent tree - trunk until he finally decided he could stand it no longer . He jumped away quickly so the tree would not fall upon him . Then he saw that it was only a leaning tree rooted in the earth . " That Rabbit is the biggest liar , " he cried . " If I can catch him I 'll certainly fix him . " After that , Wolf hunted for Rabbit every day until he found him lying in a nice grassy place . He was about to spring upon him when Rabbit said , " My friend , I 've been waiting to see you again . I have something good for you to eat . Somebody killed a pony out there in the road . If you wish I 'll help you drag it out of the road to a place where you can make a feast off it . " Rabbit tied their tails together carefully so as not to awaken the pony . Then he grabbed the pony by the ears as if he were going to lift it up . The pony woke up , jumped to its feet , and ran away , dragging Wolf behind . Wolf struggled frantically to free his tail , but all he could do was scratch on the ground with his claws . You have heard how Glooscap came to rule over the Wabanaki and how he made the animals , and how at first some of them were treacherous and disobedient . In time , however , he gave posts of honor to those whom he could trust , and they were proud to be Glooscap 's servants . Two dogs became his watchmen , and the loon his messenger and tale - bearer . And , because the rabbit had the kindest heart of all the animals in the forest , Glooscap made Ableegumooch his forest guide . Now in those days Ableegumooch the Rabbit was a very different animal than he is today . His body was large and round , his legs were straight and even , and he had a long bushy tail . He could run and walk like other animals , not with a hop - hop - hop as he does today . One day in springtime , when the woods were carpeted with star flowers and lilies - of - the - valley , and the ferns were waist - high , Ableegumooch lay resting beside a fallen log . Hearing a rustle on the path , he peered around his log to see who was coming . It was Uskool the Fisher , a large animal of the weasel tribe , and he was weeping . " What is the matter with him , " wondered the rabbit , who was inquisitive as well as soft - hearted . He popped his head up over the log and Uskool nearly jumped out of his fur with surprise . " It 's only me - Ableegumooch , " said the rabbit . " Do you mind telling me why you are crying ? " " But I have no time to spare , " groaned the fisher . " My future father - in - law has sworn that if I do not arrive for the wedding by sunset today , he will marry his daughter to Kakakooch the Crow . And , look , already the sun is low in the sky ! " Uskool held on to the rabbit 's tail , and Ableegumooch strained mightily to haul him up . Alas , the weight of the fisher was too great . With a loud snap , the rabbit 's tail broke off short , within an inch of the root , and there was poor Ableegumooch with hardly any tail at all ! Now you would think that this might have discouraged the rabbit from helping Uskool , but not so . When Ableegumooch made up his mind to do something for somebody , he did it . Holding on to a stout tree with his front paws , he lowered his hinder part into the pit . " Well ! " said the rabbit as he sat down to catch his breath . " My waist isn 't so round as it was , and my hind legs seem a good bit longer than they were . I believe it will make walking rather difficult . " And sure enough , it did . When the rabbit tried to walk , he tumbled head over heels . Finally , to get along at all , he had to hop . At last , just before the sun touched the rim of the trees , they arrived at the bride 's village . All the fishers were gathered , waiting , and they smiled and cheered at sight of Uskool and his guide - all but Kakakooch the Crow , who was far from glad to see them ! In fact , as soon as he saw Uskool take the bride 's hand , he flew out of the village in a temper , and never came back again . But nobody cared about him . Ableegumooch was the most welcome guest at the wedding when Uskool told the other fishers what he had done . All was feasting and merriment , and the rabbit danced with the bride so hard she fell into a bramble bush and tore her gown . She was in a dreadful state when she found she was not fit to be seen in company , and ran to hide behind a tree . The rabbit was terribly sorry and wanted to help her , so he hopped away to get a caribou skin he had seen drying in the sun , and made a new dress out of it for the bride . " You must have a fine girdle to go with it , " said he , and he cut a thin strip off the end of the skin . Then he put one end of the strip in his mouth and held the other end with his front paws , twisting the strip into a fancy cord . He twisted and twisted , and he twisted it so hard the cord snapped out of his teeth and split his upper lip right up to his nose ! And now you see why it is that rabbits are hare lipped ! Now it happened that before he had gone far , he came to a small pool in the woods , so smooth it was like a mirror . Looking into it , the rabbit saw himself for the first time since his accidents , and was aghast . Was this he - this creature with the split lip , the hind legs stretched out of shape , and a tail like a blob of down ? " Oh dear , oh dear , " sobbed Ableegumooch , " how can I face my friends looking like this ? " Then , in his misery , he remembered Glooscap , his Master . " O Master ! See what has happened to your poor guide . I 'm not fit to be seen any more , except to laugh at . Please put me back to my former shape . " " Why I believe you 're right ! " he cried , but then his face fell again . " But my tail , Master ! I mind that most of all . I was so proud of it . " " That 's true ! " cried the rabbit , excitedly , " and it was very awkward when Wokwes the Fox was chasing me ! Now I can slip through the narrowest places with no trouble at all ! " And he laughed with delight . " Why - with my new legs , my cleft lip , and without my long tiresome tail , I 'm a better rabbit than I was before ! " " So you are ! " said Glooscap , and at last he was able to laugh . When Glooscap laughs heartily , the land shakes and the trees bend over , so the rabbit had to hold on tightly to a tree to keep from being knocked over . " So you are indeed ! " laughed Glooscap . Rabbit began to run for his life . He ran as fast as he could around trees and between rocks , making a great circle in the hope that he would lose Fox . But when he looked back he saw that Fox was gaining on him . " I am Ongwe Ias , " Fox barked again . " You cannot escape . " Rabbit knew that he had to use his wits . He slipped off his moccasins and said , " Run on ahead of me . " The moccasins began to run , leaving tracks in the snow . Then , using his magic power , Rabbit made himself look like a dead , half - rotten rabbit and lay down by the trail . When Fox came to the dead rabbit , he did not even stop to sniff at it . " This meat has gone bad , " he said . Then , seeing the tracks that led on through the snow he took up the chase again and finally caught up with Rabbit 's old moccasins . " Hah , " Fox snarled , " this time he has fooled me . Next time I will eat the meat no matter how rotten it looks . " He began to backtrack . Just as he expected when he came to the place where the dead rabbit had been , it was gone . There were tracks leading away through the bushes , and Fox began to follow them . " Yes , " said the old woman , handing him a beautifully carved wooden bowl filled with hot stew . " I saw a very skinny rabbit go by . There was no flesh on his bones , and he looked old and tough . " " Indeed ? " said the old woman . " You will surely do so , for the rabbit looked tired and frightened . He must have known you were close behind him . Now eat the good stew I have given you . " " These feathers ? " said the old woman . " I wear them to remind me of my son who is a hunter . Look behind you - here he comes now . " When Fox woke up his head was sore . He looked for the stew pot , but all he could see was a hollow stump . He looked for the wooden soup bowl , but all he could find was a folded piece of bark with mud and dirty water in it . All around him were rabbit tracks . " So , he has fooled me again , " Fox said . " It will be the last time . " He jumped up and began to follow the tracks once more . " Grandson , " said the medicine man , " you must let me treat that wound , so that it heals quickly . Rabbit cannot go far . Come here and sit down . " " These two feathers , " the medicine man answered , " show that I have great power . I just have to shake them like this , and an eagle will fly down . Look , over there ! An eagle is flying down now . " " I will not be fooled again ! " Fox snarled . He gave a loud and terrible war cry . " I am Ongwe Ias , " he shouted . " I am Fox ! " When Fox came to the tree he stopped . " This tree must be Rabbit , " he said , and he struck at one of the small dead limbs . It broke off and fell to the ground . " No , " said Fox , " I am wrong . This is indeed a tree . " He ran on again , until he realized the tracks he was following were old ones . He had been going in a circle . " That tree ! " he said . He hurried back to the place where the tree had been . It was gone , but there were a few drops of blood on the ground where the small limb had fallen . Though Fox didn 't know it , the branch he had struck had been the end of Rabbit 's nose , and ever since then rabbits ' noses have been quite short . Rabbit was worn out . He had used all his tricks , and still Fox was after him . He came to a dead tree by the side of the trail . He ran around it four times and then , with one last great leap , lumped into the middle of some blackberry bushes close by . Then , holding his breath , he waited . Fox came to the dead tree and looked at the rabbit tracks all around it . " Hah , " Fox laughed , " you are trying to trick me again . " He bit at the dead tree , and a piece of rotten wood came away in his mouth . " Hah , " Fox said , " you have even made yourself taste like a dead tree . But I am Ongwe Ias , I am Fox . You cannot fool me again . " Then , coughing and choking , Fox ate the whole tree . From his hiding place in the blackberry bushes , Rabbit watched and tried not to laugh . When Fox had finished his meal he went away , still coughing and choking and not feeling well at all . Fox one day met a Rabbit who was sewing a sack . " What do you intend to do with that sack ? " asked he . " I am making this coat to protect myself from being killed by the hard hail which we are going to have today , " replied Rabbit . When overtaken Rabbit was chewing soft gum with which to make spectacles . Fox 's curiosity was stronger than his passion for revenge . " What are you making those for ? " said he . Rabbit set fire to the brush all around Fox , who was badly singed in running through it . The gum melted in the fire , and yet remains as the dark rings around his eyes . Fox again started on the trail of Rabbit , with the determination of eating him as soon as he saw him . " You must not kill me , " replied Rabbit . " I am teaching these children , " and he closed the opening of the hive , so that Fox could not see what was inside . Fox desired very much to see what was in the hive making such a noise . " If you wish to see , stay here and teach them while I rest . When it is dinner time , strike them with a club , " said Rabbit , who then ran away . Many native American tribes have legends in which various animals display their ways and means of obtaining food from others , sometimes using trickster methods . They return meal invitations and even attempt to provide food of a similar nature and in the manner of the previous host . Sometimes , this leads to trouble . There were two wigwams . Otter lived in one with his grandmother , and Rabbit lived with his grandmother in the other . One day Rabbit started out and wandered over to visit Otter in his camp . When Rabbit entered Otter 's wigwam , Otter asked if he had anything to eat at home . " No , " replied Rabbit . So Otter asked his grandmother if she would cook something for Rabbit , but she told him she had nothing to cook . So Otter went out to the pond directly in front of his camp , jumped in , and caught a nice long string of eels . Meanwhile , Rabbit was looking to see how Otter would catch his food . With Otter 's great success , Rabbit thought he could do the same . Rabbit then invited Otter to come over to his camp the next day . His grandmother had already told him that she had nothing to cook for their meal , but asked him to go out and find something . Then Rabbit went out to the same pond where Otter had found the string of eels ; but he could get nothing , not one fish , as he could not dive no matter how hard he tried . The next day , Rabbit started out to visit Woodpecker . When he reached Woodpecker 's wigwam , Rabbit found him at home with his grandmother . She got out her large pot to cook a meal , but said , " We have nothing to cook in the pot . " So Woodpecker went out front to a dry tree - trunk , from which he picked a quantity of meal . This he took to his grandmother , and she made a good dinner for them . Rabbit had watched how Woodpecker obtained his meal , so he invited Woodpecker over to visit him . The very next day Woodpecker arrived at Rabbit 's wigwam for a visit . Rabbit asked his grandmother to hang up her pot and cook them some dinner . " But we have nothing to cook , " she replied . So Rabbit went outside with his birch - bark vessel to fill it with meal . He tried to dig out the meal with his nose , as he had seen Woodpecker do . Soon Woodpecker came out to see what caused the delay . Poor Rabbit was hurt , with his nose flattened out and split in the middle from trying to break into the wood . Woodpecker left to return to his own wigwam without any dinner . Ever since then , Rabbit has had to carry around his split nose . Another day , desperate for food , Rabbit thought he would go and steal some of Otter 's eels . He got into the habit of doing this every second night . Toward spring , Otter began to wonder where his eels had gone as his barrel was getting low . So began Otter 's search for Rabbit , who guessed Otter would be trailing him . Otter began to gain on Rabbit , who picked up a small chip and asked it to become a wigwam . Immediately , the chip became a wigwam and Rabbit became an old man sitting inside . When Otter came along and saw the wigwam , he also saw the gray - headed old man sitting inside . He pretended to be blind . Otter did not know that this was Rabbit himself . Out of pity for him , Otter gathered some firewood for the old man and asked if he had heard Rabbit passing by . " No , I have not heard any one today . " So Otter continued his search . Later , Rabbit left his wigwam and started out on another road . Otter could not pick up Rabbit 's trail , so he returned to the wigwam . Not only was it empty , but gone entirely . Only a chip remained in its place . Otter then saw Rabbit 's tracks where he had jumped out of the wigwam . This trick made Otter very angry and he cried out , " You won 't fool me again . " Otter followed the new trail . This , of course , was Rabbit himself , but Otter did not know it . He asked the big gentleman , " Have you seen Rabbit go this way ? " The man appeared not to hear . So Otter asked again . The gentleman replied in Pidgin English a phrase that meant , " Never saw Rabbit . " But Otter looked hard at him and noticed the man 's feet , which were Rabbit feet . So Otter felt certain this was his prey . The big gentleman gave Otter some bread and wine , and Otter left hurriedly to again track Rabbit back to the house . He came to the place , but the house was not there . Otter could see the tracks where Rabbit started running away . Otter came to the same shore and saw the big ship anchored there , and the big gentleman in a white suit walking the deck . Otter called to him , " You can 't trick me now ! You 're the man I want . " Then Otter swam out toward the ship , to board it and to kill Rabbit . But the big gentleman sang out to this sailors , " Shoot him ! His skin is worth a lot of money in France . " Long ago , Rabbit was a great hunter . He lived with his grandmother in a lodge which stood deep in the Micmac forest . It was winter and Rabbit set traps and laid snares to catch game for food . He caught many small animals and birds , until one day he discovered that some mysterious being was robbing his traps . Rabbit and his grandmother became hungry . Though he visited his traps very early each morning , he always found them empty . At first Rabbit thought that the robber might be a cunning wolverine , until one morning he found long , narrow footprints alongside his trap line . It was , he thought , the tracks of the robber , but they looked like moonbeams . Each morning Rabbit rose earlier and earlier , but the being of the long foot was always ahead of him and always his traps were empty . Rabbit made a trap from a bowstring with the loop so cleverly fastened that he felt certain that he would catch the robber when it came . He took one end of the thong with him and hid himself behind a clump of bushes from which he could watch his snare . It was bright moonlight while he waited , but suddenly it became very dark as the moon disappeared . A few stars were still shining and there were no clouds in the sky , so Rabbit wondered what had happened to the moon . Someone or something came stealthily through the trees and then Rabbit was almost blinded by a flash of bright , white light which went straight to his trap line and shone through the snare which he had set . Quick as a lightning flash , Rabbit jerked the bowstring and tightened the noose . There was a sound of struggling and the light lurched from side to side . Rabbit knew b the tugging on his string that he had caught the robber . He fastened the bowstring to a nearby sapling to hold the loop tight . Rabbit raced back to tell his grandmother , who was a wise old woman , what had happened . She told him that he must return at once and see who or what he had caught . Rabbit , who was very frightened , wanted to wait for daylight but his grandmother said that might be too late , so he returned to his trap line . When he came near his traps , Rabbit saw that the bright light was still there . It was so bright that it hurt his eyes . He bathed them in the icy water of a nearby brook , but still they smarted . He made big snowballs and threw them at the light , in the hope of putting it out . As they went close to the light , he heard them sizzle and saw them melt . Next , Rabbit scooped up great pawfuls of soft clay from the stream and made many big clay balls . He was a good shot and threw the balls with all of his force at the dancing white light . He heard them strike hard and then his prisoner shouted . Rabbit was so terrified that he raced back to tell his grandmother about his strange captive . She too was much afraid and told Rabbit to return and release the thief immediately . Rabbit went back , and his voice shook with fear as he told the man in the moon that he would be released if he promised never to rob the snares again . To make doubly sure , Rabbit asked him to promise that he would never return to ear , and the moon man swore that he would never do so . Rabbit could hardly see in the dazzling light , but at last he managed to gnaw through the bowstring with his teeth and the man in the moon soon disappeared in the sky , leaving a bright trail of light behind him . Rabbit had been nearly blinded by the great light and his shoulders were badly scorched . Even today , rabbits blink as though light is too strong for their eyes ; their eyelids are pink , and their eyes water if they look at a bright light . Their lips quiver , telling of Rabbit 's terror . The man in the moon has never returned to earth . When he lights the world , one can still see the marks of the clay which Rabbit threw on his face . Sometimes he disappears for a few nights , when he is trying to rub the marks of the clay balls from his face . Then the world is dark ; but when the man in the moon appears again , one can see that he has never been able to clean the clay marks from his shining face . One day , when Keoonik was in swimming , Ableegumooch ran off with a string of eels he had left on the shore . Keoonik rushed out of the water and went in angry pursuit . He had no difficulty in tracking the rabbit , for the mark of the fish , touching the ground between jumps , clearly showed the way . He was astonished , however , when the trail ended at a clearing in the woods where a withered old woman sat by a small fire . Obligingly , Keoonik went off to do so . Returning with the wood , he stared around in surprise . The old woman was gone . On the spot where she had sat , he saw the mark of a rabbit 's haunches , and familiar paw - prints leading away in to the woods . Then he remembered that Ableegumooch was very clever at changing his appearance and fooling people . " Oh , that miserable rabbit ! " cried Keoonik and set off again on the trail . This time the tracks led straight to a village of the Penobscot Indians , where Keoonik could see the rabbit in conversation with a thin sad man wearing the feather of a Chief in his hair string . The wily otter cut himself a stout stick and waited behind a tree . Presently , Ableegumooch came strolling down the path , his face creased in an absent - minded frown . " All right , " he agreed . " We 'll have a truce , " and they shook hands solemnly . Then they started back to the village to ask the Chief what they might do to help , but when they were still some way off they saw two other animals talking to him . These were Uskoos the Weasel and Abukcheech the Mouse , two animals so troublesome even their own families would have nothing to do with them . " Shhh ! Let 's think about it a little , Keoonik . Have you any idea how those two get their living ? They sleep all day and go hunting only after dark . " " Well , but listen , " said the rabbit . " All the fur robes in the camp have been chewed and scratched and spoiled . What animals chew and scratch wherever they go ? " " The smaller ones will be afraid to say no to us , " declared Uskoos . " We will use trickery on the others . We will tell them the Penobscots plan to destroy all the animals in the land , and we must unite in order to defend ourselves . " " Come on , " whispered Keoonik , but the rabbit only crouched where he was , tense and unmoving . The fact is , he wanted to sneeze ! Ableegumooch wanted to sneeze more than he ever wanted to sneeze in his life before , but he mustn 't sneeze - the sound would give them away . So he tried and he tried to hold that sneeze back . He pressed his upper lip , he grew red in the face , and his eyes watered - but nothing was any good . " I have a better plan , " said Uskoos . " These two will be our first recruits . " Then he told the prisoners they must become members of his band , or be killed . Poor Ableegumooch . Poor Keoonik . They did not wish to die , yet they could never do as the thieves wished , for the Penobscots were their friends . Ableegumooch opened his mouth , meaning to defy the villains no matter what the consequences , and then his mouth snapped shut . He had heard a strange sound , the sound of a flute piping far away , and he knew what it was . It was the magic flute of Glooscap , and the Great Chief was sending him a message . Into the rabbit 's head popped the memory of something Glooscap had said to him once long ago , half in fun , half in earnest . " Ableegumooch , " he seemed to hear the words again , " the best way to catch a snake is to think like a snake ! " At once the rabbit understood . He set himself to think like the mice and the weasels , feeling the greed and selfishness that was in them . Then he had a plan . " Very well , " he said , " we will join you . Those Indians are certainly very cruel and dishonest . They deserve the worst that can happen to them . Why , only yesterday " - and here he gave Keoonik a secret nudge - " my friend and I saw them hide away a great store of food in a secret place . Didn 't we , Keoonik ? " Abukcheech the Mouse was right at their heels , but Uskoos soon shouldered him aside . Then each animal fought to be in front , and in this way all rushed through the forest , across the meadows , down into the valleys and over the hills , until at last - pushing and panting and grunting - they all reached the bottom of a grassy hill . Ableegumooch pointed to a pile of rocks at the top . Away they all went , each struggling to be first . The ra bit and the otter stood aside and watched as the wild mob scrambled up the hill - up and up until suddenly , too late to stop , they found themselves teetering on the edge of a cliff , with nothing in front of them but space , and the sea far below . Those who were first tried to stop but were pushed over by those crowding behind - and so , screaming with terror , down they all went , headlong into the sea . It was the height of summer , the time of year called Hadotso , the Great Heat . All day long , from a blue and cloudless sky , the blazing sun beat down upon the earth . No rain had fallen for many days and there was not the slightest breath of wind to cool the stifling air . Everything was hot and dry . Even the rose - red cliffs of the canyons and mesas seemed to take on a more brilliant colour than before . Rabbit was the unhappiest of all . Twice that day the shimmering heat had tempted him across the baked earth towards visions of water and cool , shady trees . He had exhausted himself in his desperate attempts to reach tem , only to find the mirages dissolve before him , receding further and further into the distance . Now , tired and wretched , he dragged himself into the shadow of an overhanging rock and crouched there listlessly . His soft fur was caked with the red dust of the desert . His head swam and his eyes ached from the sun 's glare . ' Why does it have to be so hot ? ' he groaned . ' What have we done to deserve such torment ? ' He squinted up at the sun and shouted furiously , ' Go away ! You are making everything too hot ! ' Sun took no notice at all and continued to pour down his fiery beams , forcing Rabbit to retreat once more into the shade of the rock . ' Sun needs to be taught a lesson , ' grumbled Rabbit . ' I have a good mind to go and fight him . If he refuses to stop shining , I will kill him ! ' As he ran , he practised with his bow and arrows and , to make himself brave and strong , he fought with everything which crossed his path . He fought with the gophers and the lizards . He hurled his throwing stick at beetles , ants and dragonflies . He shot at the yucca and the giant cactus . He became a very fierce rabbit indeed . In those days , Sun did not appear slowly as he does now . Instead he rushed up over the horizon and into the heavens with one mighty bound . Rabbit knew that he would have to act quickly in order to ambush him and he fixed his eyes intently on the spot where the Sun usually appeared . Sun , however , had heard all Rabbit 's threats and had watched him fighting . He knew that he was lying in wait among the bushes . He was not at all afraid of this puny creature and he thought that he might have some amusement at his expense . One morning , however , Sun grew careless . He rose more leisurely than usual , and this time , Rabbit was ready . Swiftly he drew his bow . His arrow whizzed through the air and buried itself deep in Sun 's side . Rabbit was jubilant ! At last he had shot his enemy ! Wild with joy , he leaped up and down . He rolled on the ground , hugging himself . He turned somersaults . He looked at Sun again - and stopped short . Where his arrow had pierce Sun , there was a gaping wound and , from that wound , there gushed a stream of liquid fire . Suddenly it seemed as if the whole world had been set ablaze . Flames shot up and rushed towards Rabbit , crackling and roaring . Rabbit paused not a moment longer . He took to his heels in panic and ran as fast as he could away from the fire . He spied a lone cottonwood tree and scuttled towards it . Terrified and almost out of breath , Rabbit continued to run , but his strength was failing . He could feel the fire licking at his heels and his fur was beginning to singe . Suddenly he heard a voice calling to him . With a thunderous roar , the sheet of flame leaped overhead . The little bush crackled and sizzled . Then , gradually , the noise receded and everything grew quiet once more . The little bush which had sheltered him was no longer green . Burned and scorched by the fire , it had turned a golden yellow . People now call it the desert yellow brush , for , although it first grows green , it always turns yellow when it feels the heat of the sun . Rabbit never recovered from his fright . To this day , he bears brown spots where the fire scorched the back of his neck . He is no longer fierce and quarrelsome , but runs and hides at the slightest noise . " Hah ! " snorted the rabbit , " you know very well that I am the one most full of tricks hereabouts . " And Keoonik did not deny it , for he had suffered much in the past from the rabbit 's mischief . Miko gave a little shiver . " Nonsense ! " snapped Ableegumooch . " Anything a squirrel can do , a rabbit can do better . After all , I am Glooscap 's official forest guide . And his very good friend , " he added proudly . " Strength and speed are on Lusifee 's side , so I must rely on craft , " said Ableegumooch and grinned mysteriously . " When a rabbit 's skin falls short , he must borrow another 's . Well , he 's sure to come here to find me . I 'm off ! " And the rabbit sprang into the air , landing a long distance from his lodge , so as to leave no track near his home . Ableegumooch kept jumping in this way until he thought he was out of scent and sight , then scampered away like the wind . Finding the rabbit 's wigwam empty , he snarled with disappointed fury . However , taking the wigwam for a centre , he kept going round and round it , making each circle a little wider than the one before , until at last he found the rabbit 's scent . He kept on circling until he reached the spot where the rabbit had stopped jumping . Then , swearing by his tail to catch Ableegumooch and kill him , he set out swiftly on a clear trail . As the day passed , Lusifee knew by the freshness of the track that he was overtaking the rabbit , but he did not catch sight of his prey while daylight lasted . As night fell , Lusifee came upon a wigwam all alone on the open marsh , and he poked his head inside . There sat a grave and dignified old fox , whose white hair stuck up oddly on either side of his head . When asked if he had seen Ableegumooch , the old fellow shook his head , but invited Lusifee to pass the night with him . Towards morning , however , he began to shiver and feel most uncomfortable . Waking at last , he looked around in amazement . He was no longer in the warm lodge but lying on the open marsh with snow blowing over him . Then Lusifee saw dimly the marks of a rabbit 's feet and knew Ableegumooch had fooled him . The rabbit , artful at disguise , had masqueraded as the fox and had removed himself and the wigwam while Lusifee slept . " Hush ! " said the porcupine . " Can 't you see we are listening to the storyteller ? " Then Lusifee noticed that the whole tribe was gathered around the fire listening to an old porcupine with white whiskers and oddly - shaped ears . In the land of the Wabanaki , the storyteller is greatly respected , and it is considered most impolite to interrupt him . So the cat was obliged to wait until the stories were over . Then he turned once more to the young porcupine . " Rabbit ? " The storyteller rattled his quills as he thought , and the cat moved back prudently . " No , I 've seen no rabbit . But , my friend , you look tired . You may pass the night with me , if you like , in my lodge outside the village . " Lusifee sprang up more enraged than ever and , swearing now by his claws , as well as by his teeth and his tail , to be revenged on the rabbit , he set out again on the trail . He ran all day and at night came to another village , inhabited by a tribe of bears . He was so weary he could only gasp out : The bears said they had not , but invited him to join in a feast with them , and when they had done eating , they politely asked him for a song . Now the cat was very vain about his voice , and right willingly he lifted up his voice in a song of hate against rabbits . The bears applauded and invited him to join in the dancing , but the cat begged to be excused on account of weariness and sat to one side , watching . Now one of the bears was smaller than the others and his ears were somewhat longer than bears ' are usually . How ever , he was a great dancer and leaped higher in the air than any other . As he passed by Lusifee he accidentally , it seemed , gave the cat a fierce kick , cutting his head and knocking him senseless . When the cat came back to consciousness , he found him self in a wigwam outside the village . A medicine man of the bear tribe was bending over him and the cat noticed that he wore long white feathers on either side of his head . By now Lusifee was growing more suspicious and he looked at the medicine man with narrowed eyes . Forgetting pain and cold , he rushed off , exulting when he found the track of Ableegumooch very fresh . Evidently the rabbit too was tiring from the race and could not be far off . Yes , there was the tricky follow just ahead ! In fact Ableegumooch had been obliged to stop short as he came to the edge of a broad river . The cat grinned with triumph , for he knew that rabbits are no good at swimming . " You can 't escape me now , " he shouted . Poor Ableegumooch . He could run no further . Trembling with fright , Ableegumooch sank down to rest at last . He was not half so cocky as he had been when he started out , for he knew that but for the hawks he would have been a dead rabbit . A flute was playing far off , and the rabbit listened . Then he knew who had sent the hawks to him in the nick of time . Two young Fawns sat on the ground talking about their condition . They were two boys without a mother . " We used to have a deer for our mother , " they said . Rabbit came to them and said " I 'm hungry . I 've travelled without eating , and I 've come a long way . " The Fawns said , " We have nothing to eat here ; our food is not here . " Where is it ? " asked Rabbit . " It is not here , I say to you again , " said one Fawn . Rabbit said , " Tell me where it is , I am hungry and I want to eat . " He continued talking about the Fawns ' food for a long time . But they concealed from him how they obtained it . " But we never eat here , " the Fawns said . Rabbit said , " You boys do not know me . I am your grandfather . You did not recognize me ; that is why you hid your food from me . " The one boy nudged the other and whispered to him , " I think he is our grandfather ; I will tell him where we eat . " For a while , the other boy said nothing . Then he spoke up and said , " What we eat is not on the ground ; our food is far up in the sky ; and we eat at a certain time . When we ask for our food , something always comes down from the sky ; it is white like a cloud . At the end of the cloud it 's like a person ; it has an eye , a mouth , and it watches us . It comes only at a certain time . If we ask before time , it will think someone else wants our food . But when it 's time for us to ask for it , we will hide you out of sight . " Then they hid him . One ran toward the East , the other toward the West ; then they ran toward each other . When they met , they cried like young animals at play . They circled about , met each other again , crying , and gradually came nearer to the tent . Something white came down from the sky . Rabbit saw it coming . It looked like a cloud with a face above it ; like a man sitting on their food . The boys took up dull knives , and when the food arrived , they cut off a piece . They cut more than usual , so there would be enough for their grandfather . Then the cloud flew upward as fast as lightning . The Fawn boys cut up their food and called Rabbit to come out and eat with them . The food tasted good and sweet , and Rabbit wanted more and asked the boys to make the thing come again . The Fawns said , " But it only comes at set times . " Rabbit replied , " I will live with you , for your food is very good . " He made a burrow in the brush nearby and watched . The food did come down again . The person riding on it looked around like an antelope watching . Rabbit took a bow and arrow from his quiver . Just before the cloud came low enough for the boys to cut off another piece of food , Rabbit shot at the manlike object on the cloud . The white object fell down in a heap . " I thought that was what it would do , " said the older brother to the younger , as if blaming him . Rabbit said to them , " Well , my grandchildren , I will leave you now . You have something to eat and it will last you a long time . After you have consumed all of it , you will go to the mountains and eat grass and become Deer . " " Brother , look at the cap [ antlers ] Our Father gave me . " " Come here , brother , " said the deer , " Lend it to me , " said the deer to the rabbit . " You 're too small , it doesn 't fit you , but I 'm big . Maybe your cap will fit me , I 'm going to try it on my head . " " Look brother , how nice it looks on me . I 'm going to dance so you can see . Then I 'm going for a walk and afterwards I 'll come back here to you and I 'll give you your cap back , " said the deer to the rabbit . The deer went off and didn 't come back with the rabbit 's cap . The rabbit was waiting for him , just waiting and crying because he didn 't have his cap any more . It occurred to him to get up from where he was crying and go notify his king . He came before the king : " Father , " said the rabbit to the king . " What have you come to tell me , my son ? " The king asked the rabbit . " My brother went off with the cap you gave me , father . My brother , the deer told me he was just going to try it on , and I gave him the cap you had given me , father . Why did our father give it to you ? ' the deer asked me . Our father should have given it to me , because I 'm big . Your cap fits me well , ' my brother said . I thought he was my brother . So I gave it to him , but he just went off with it any way . He left , and I just sat waiting for him to come back with my cap . He didn 't come back and I got tired of waiting for him so long . That 's why I have come to ask you , father , to give me another cap in place of the one my brother took , and also make me taller because my uncle deer said I was too little . That cap doesn 't fit you , ' he told me , father . That 's why I want to grow as big as my uncle deer . " " All right , I 'll make your taller , my son . I 'll make your body grow . If you do what I say , I 'll give you what you ask for , " said the king to the rabbit . " Now I 'm telling you that if you want to be as big as your brother the deer , I 'm going to grant your wish , " said the king to the rabbit . " Now , go and bring me fifteen loads of skins . If you bring them to me I 'll make your body grow and I 'll give you your cap back . " " All right , " said the rabbit , and went off to the fields , to the mountains and to the sea . The rabbit bought himself a guitar . When he came to a plain he sat down to rest . He had been playing music with his guitar for a while when an old snake came up to him . " Of course you may dance . That 's why I came to play a son for you . But I would just like to ask you , uncle , where is your weak spot ? Because my marimba stick * * * might reach your weak spot . Show it to me , so I can see where it is , " said the rabbit to the snake . " Dance ! Go ahead and dance . Enjoy your dance , " said the rabbit to the snake , because that 's why I came to play near your house . Dance , enjoy , and don 't be afraid . Here , come close to me . " When he saw him nearby , the rabbit thought : " He 's mine now . I know where his weak spot is . " The snake danced and came near the rabbit . " Bring your tail near , " said the rabbit to the snake . The snake raised his tail near the rabbit . The rabbit saw that the snake was near him and he killed him . Then he skinned him and went off with his skin . The rabbit came to a mountain and began to play his guitar once more . Shortly after he had come to the mountain a big old lion * * * * approached Uncle Rabbit . He was playing his music when the lion arrived . " Hey , uncle , why have you come here to play ? " the lion asked the rabbit . " I just have come to play , brother , " the rabbit said . " Do you like music ? " " I 'm going to play some music for you , because the reason I came to your house was to play music . Dance , enjoy your dance . Don 't be afraid , Good , dance , only tell me where your weak spot is . I 'd just like to ask you where your weak spot is . Dance , enjoy your dance , " said the rabbit to the lion . " All right brother , " said the rabbit . " Dance uncle , dance , dance , dance . Don 't be afraid , come closer , come here beside me . I know where your weak spot is , so I won 't hit you there . I know where it is . Try to dance a little bent over . " The lion became careless while he was dancing , and the rabbit hit him on the head . The lion died , the rabbit skinned him and took away two more skins , two large skins . The rabbit walked , and walked and walked . He took his skins to a place on the beach , and played there once more . An alligator heard the rabbit playing a son and came up to him : " Is that you playing , Uncle Rabbit ? " the alligator asked . " Yes , I 'm the one who is playing for you , " said the rabbit , " for I want you to dance . I thought maybe uncle would like a son . So I came to play a son for you . " I 'd like to ask you where your weak spot is . Just tell me where your weak spot is . Don 't worry , just show me where it is . If my marimba stick hits you , you could die , " said Uncle Rabbit to the alligator . " All right , so dance . Dance with all your might and stretch out your tail . " While he was dancing the alligator became careless and the rabbit hit his weak spot . The alligator died and the rabbit skinned him . The rabbit left the beach and came near a plantation where there was sugar cane , where there were bananas , where there were oranges , where there were sapotes . Near the plantation there was a house with monkeys and coatis , as well as two other households . He came to one of the houses bringing bananas . " There 's a lot of food , and it 's just going to waste , because there 's no one to eat it , " said the rabbit to the monkeys . " Tomorrow we 'll go to my plantation , all of you and your families , and if there are some others they can come with us too . Aren 't there some other friends of ours here ? " the rabbit asked the monkeys . " We 're going to rest , " the rabbit said to them . They rested on the plain . The monkeys were playing with the coatis and didn 't know that the rabbit was plotting against their lives . The rabbit said to them : " All right , " the fools said . The rabbit closed up the nets and went to look for a club , saying : " When I come back you 'll get out of the nets . " But when the rabbit came back with the club he was ferocious , and struck them on the snout : " Now uncles , you 're going to pay for the bananas you ate . " He killed the uncles in the two nets . All those that were in the two nets died , and he skinned them all . He used an armadillo as a pack animal , the armadillo carrying the skins for him . He had collected them as the king had ordered , so that he would increase his height and give him back his cap . He returned and came before the king with fifteen loads of skins . The king didn 't believe the rabbit was going to succeed , and so he didn 't realize he was bringing all those skins . When he came before the king with the skins , the rabbit said : " See , father , I have brought the skins . " The king was astonished . " Did you really go and get them ? " he asked . " I don 't believe you . " " No father , they 're here . " " Oh , " said the king , " what a shameless rabbit you are . In spite of everything you want to be big . You actually killed your own brothers . You actually killed them . You 're so small . If you were larger , if I made you bigger , you 'd kill all your brothers . Look here , you killed the lion , the alligator , and the snake , even though you 're real little . Well , now , you 're going to have to forgive me , my son , but this is the punishment I 've decreed : Bring me your ears so I can stretch them . You shameless thing , you already killed your brothers who are bigger than you . Now never come back here again . You 're going once and for all , I 'm just going to make your ears grow . This is a story of Uncle Rabbit and the coyote . The rabbit came to a big rock , and there he deceived the coyote . He was leaning on the rock when the coyote came by . " Come here quickly , brother , the sky is falling down on top of us . Lean against the rock and hold it up while I go for a stick . We 'll prop it up with that , " said the rabbit to the coyote . " All right , " said the coyote and began holding it up with all his might . Since the coyote was so stupid , he did exactly what the rabbit told him to . The rabbit had said that he was going to get a stick , but he went and left the coyote holding up the rock . When the rabbit didn 't return the coyote shouted : " No matter , I 'm going to leave even though the sky may fall down on top of us , " said the coyote . But when he ran away he fell into a ravine . The rabbit never came back to the rock and the coyote was lost . Later the rabbit came to a pond and saw the reflection of the moon in there . As the rabbit was very tricky , he was always deceiving the coyote . The dumb coyote always followed him and didn 't know that the rabbit was deceiving him . The coyote came to the pond where the rabbit was . When he saw the coyote coming he began to drink the water from the pond . " There 's a cheese in the water , " the rabbit said to the coyote . " If we drink all the water we can get the cheese . Drink it , you 're big and you can finish all the water . " The coyote continued to drink the water , but the rabbit was gone . The coyote 's stomach began to hurt him , and he got the runs . He wasn 't able to finish the water , so the coyote abandoned the effort and left . Once upon a time the rabbit teamed up with the crab to grow some carrots . They worked for several days together in harmony . First they chose the seed and then they planted it . Then they took care of the young plants , the two of them always in agreement . They harvested the crop and separated the tops from the carrots . " See ? We have two piles there , a big one and a little one . You can have the big one and I 'll take the small one . " " Thank you very much , my dear friend , but I like to be fair . Let 's divide the two piles in half , I 'll divide and you choose , or you divide and I 'll choose , as you prefer . What do you say ? " " No , no ! I can 't agree , " said the rabbit . Let 's walk some thirty paces from here and we 'll come back running . The first one to get there gets the carrots and the other one gets the tops . What do you say ? " " Finally we 're in agreement ! " said the rabbit . He was very happy , because he was sure he was going to win : " I 'm so pleased about this , that if you win , I 'm prepared to give you all the carrots and all the tops . Do you agree ? " " No , that 's too much ! I can 't accept that , " said the crab , pretending that he didn 't want to take advantage of him . " You 're the one that ought to have a ten - pace handicap . I won 't take no for an answer . " With this agreement they went together in a friendly fashion to the place where the race was going to start . The rabbit went ahead to take the ten - pace handicap . But , as soon as he turned his back , the crab , who was neither slow nor lazy , seized the rabbit 's tail with his claws , without him realizing it . That day was the first time ever that the rabbit lost . He was very sad because he could not understand how the crab got ahead of him . That 's how the crab got to keep the carrots . There was once a ram who liked to roam in a bean patch . He was very mischievous , and when they weren 't paying attention , he would abandon his companions and end up eating in the bean patch . One day he stayed there enjoying eating the bean plants when the sun set . His stomach was full but he kept on eating . When it got dark he wanted to go back but his horns had become tangled up in the bean tendrils . He kept trying to free himself , but the tendrils wouldn 't release him . He was beginning to move from one side to the other among the bean plants when the rabbit arrived . " Don 't worry , my friend , I 'm going to untangle you right now . There 's no problem . After all , aren 't we friends ? " asked the rabbit . " Let 's go and eat far from here at a place I know where there 's food . " The rabbit took the ram to that place . After they were through eating , they looked for a place to spend the night . " Listen , my friend , we 're going to look for a good place to sleep , so we won 't have any problems and nothing will happen to us tonight , for there are some people who hate us . Not everyone is kind , " said the rabbit . They were near a big rock . " My friend , what 's going to happen to us ? Maybe they 'll finish us off . " " Don 't move , because if you move they 'll know someone is up here , " said the rabbit . " Something could happen to us , friend . Maybe you ought to leave well enough alone . If they hear you climbing down , that 'll be the end of us . Lie on your back and relieve yourself that way . Look how thick your wool is : the wetness will disappear into your wool . If I were like you , I wouldn 't have to worry about that , " said the rabbit . The ram tried to lie on his back , but he didn 't have any hands to hold on with and he fell down among those who were at the foot of the rock . They were all asleep when the ram fell among them and they all fled out of fear . The rabbit and the ram spent the night in the other animals ' house . When dawn came those who had been sleeping at the foot of the rock came back . From afar they were looking to see if the rabbit and the ram were still there . They saw that the rabbit was moving his paws from side to side , and beginning to lick them . So they said to each other : " The little one is the most rascally one , and the big one keeps saying úyes , sir ; yes , sir . ' When they look at us , it is as if they 're telling us that they 're going to knock us down . They 're gesturing with their hands , " they said . They were all very frightened . But the rabbit was just shooing away flies . That 's why he was moving his hands to and fro , and the ram was just complaining . Later they went to eat some more where they had eaten the previous afternoon . The other animals had fled out of fear that night and they never saw them again . " All right , my friend , you take care of yourself too . " And so they parted . This is what happened to these two animals , the ram and the rabbit . " Sir , by any chance would you have any work for me ? I 'm poor and I 'm looking for work . I can 't find anybody who will give me a job , " said the rabbit . " I 'm not particular about the type of work . I just want to work . That 's why I 've come here to ask you , " said the rabbit . " All right , if you want to you , can take care of some of my animals , " said the man , and they agreed . " All right , come back tomorrow and we 'll leave it that way , " said the man . The next day the rabbit came to work . A few days went by . He did something once when he was taking care of the man 's cattle , and some cattle merchants came by . They bought the cows and herded them off . After the rabbit sold the cows he began to place some empty gourds in the tops of some large trees . And when he had finished placing them , he went to notify the owner of the livestock . " Sir , I 've come to tell you that some thieves came and stole all the cows , " he said . " Who knows where they took the animals . When they stole them , they threatened me . If I had gone after them , they would have beaten me up , " said the rabbit . " Let 's go and look for them now , " said the man , and saddled up his horse . They went to where the rabbit had sold the cows . When they got there they heard the cows mooing . But it was only the wind passing through the gourds . The rabbit knew that it was the gourds that were making the sound . As the gourds were mooing , he asked the man : " Sir , don 't you hear them mooing ? " The man heard the mooing and answered : " You 're right , friend , the animals are far away from us . " And they started to look for the cows and as they were looking for them they heard them mooing across the way . " Listen , they 're mooing over there , " said the rabbit . " Let 's do this : we 'll separate , you go this way and I 'll go that way . " " All right , " said the man , and they separated to go look for the cows , because the owner imagined they were far away . But when they were far apart , the rabbit took the opportunity to escape once more . This is what the rabbit did the time he sold the cows . " Sorry , friend , there won 't be any work for a few months , although come to think of it , there might be some now , " said the man . " If you agree , you can take care of some of my pigs . " " Just give me some work , sir , because that 's what I 'm looking for , " said the rabbit . " All right , then , cut them off , " they said , and they were very pleased . The merchants took the pigs and went off with them . The rabbit buried the tails in the ground . When he had them all buried he went to talk to the pigs ' owner . " Boss , all the pigs have sunk into the swamp , " he said . After he told him , the boss went with all his digging tools to where the rabbit deceived him . This is what the rabbit did ; he abandoned his boss . The rabbit was in the cave that was the abode of all the animals : the snake , the turkey vulture , the buzzard , the deer , the lion , the skunk and the coyote . They began to get together there to discuss how they could kill the rabbit mayor . But the rabbit mayor was very clever and was looking for a way to escape . They began to keep watch on him in that house because they intended to kill him , but they were not able to kill him as they had planned . They had wanted to smash him to pieces . " Make him come out so that he will die right now . Don 't let him escape ; that good - for - nothing mayor has deceived us too many times . Well , now he 's surely going to be finished , we 're going to finish him off . Be on your guard and don 't let him get away . When he comes out of the cave we 're going to smash him to pieces , for there 's a lot of us . Pity him . Compared to all of us , he 's nothing . We are many against one . I hope now he 's going to pay for all the crimes he has committed against us . That 's why he must to die now . You , turkey vulture , go and watch for him to come out , and you deer , go right after him . Since you can run as fast as the mayor , you 'll be able to catch up with him . Be on guard , all of you . " " All right , " they said . " Snake , you look to see when he comes out , and we 'll all pile on top of him . You snake , call him . " " All right , mayor . Throw out your sandal . " And the turkey vulture caught the sandal . He gave it to the deer and the deer threw it away , as they thought that it was the rabbit 's sandal . They were all shouting in the cave . They didn 't know it was the mayor they had thrown away . " Come on out , " shouted the snake into the cave , " come out right away . " When they realized that he wasn 't answering them they were sad . They sent the snake into the cave and the snake shouted : " Some day you 'll pay for the crimes you committed against me , the mayor . You wanted to kill me , but you weren 't able to . Just wait and see what 's going to happen to you later on . " Glenn Welker is an author , researcher , and Website editor in the field of indigenous American studies . This noted and incredibly talented professor and webmaster offers his endless list of bookmarked links . You can click on anything here from American / Canadian and Latin American Indian languages , history and cultures to an abundance of information about computing information , the internet , and web development . Indigenous Peoples Literature Websites promote indigenous artwork , literature , and culture . Glenn Welker has also enjoyed a thirty year love of Music , particularly ethnomusicology , the music of many cultures . View all posts by ghwelker3 Text Widget This is a text widget . The Text Widget allows you to add text or HTML to your sidebar . You can use a text widget to display text , links , images , HTML , or a combination of these . Edit them in the Widget section of the Customizer .

This story takes place right after the second season finale of Smallville . It will have spoilers for that episode , and possibly some other episodes up to that point . Before my story I do a short recap of the episode for those who haven 't seen it . For anyone who doesn 't know , Smallville is a TV show about Superman as a teenager living in a small town with his adoptive parents . I think Clark is supposed to be 16 or 17 . S In the season finale Clark starts hearing the voice of his biological father , Jor - El coming out of the space ship his family keeps hidden in the storm cellar . The voice tells him he will have to leave his parents and girlfriend , Lana , or he will end up hurting them . He tells his parents , and they tell him he can choose his own destiny , and that they believe in him . The next night he hears the voice again and it tells him he has to leave Smallville by noon the next day , or the voice will make him . Then it burns a symbol on Clark 's chest . Clark doesn 't tell his parents about this . The next day is Lex 's wedding where Clark is supposed to be the best man and have Lana as a date . He tells his parents to go ahead to the wedding without him . He says he will arrive with Lana . His dad asks if everything is okay , and if he has heard any more voices . Clark lies and says he is fine , and has heard nothing . His parents head to the wedding . Clark gets his friend Pete , and tells Pete he is going to ruin the space ship before noon , so that he can be free from its power . He figures that since Kryptonite hurts him , it can also hurt the space ship . He needs Pete to help him distract Lionel Luther while he steels a Kryptonite disk / key for the ship . Pete distracts Lionel and Clark gets the key ( it is in some kind of metal box so he can carry it ) . Clark takes the key back to the farm where Lana is waiting for him . He sends her to the wedding without him . She is worried , but leaves . When she gets to the wedding , and Clark 's parents see her without Clark they decide to rush back to the farm to see what is wrong . As his parents are driving back , Clark puts the key in the space ship ( he touches the Kryptonite key , and his hand gets all green with veins , and he barely has the strength to put it in the slot ) . It explodes and sends a shock wave for miles around . His parents drive through the shock wave and their truck crashes and turns over . Clark wasn 't harmed in the explosion , so he gets up and sees that the ship is gone along wiOh yeah , and Lex gets married to Helen , and then gets on his private plane . Then he is asleep and when he wakes up the plane is empty and crashing into a body of water . I suspect Helen is in cahoots with Lionel somehow . I 'm just going to leave that out of my story because it makes me mad . I mean really , can 't Lex be happy for one season ? I know ; then he can 't turn evil , but I feel sorry for him . So this is my take on what should happen when next season opens ( but I 'm sure will never happen on any prime time show ) . During the past three weeks , Clark had been going from town to town looking for people to follow him . He usually went to the bars first , and challenged the biggest guy to an arm wrestling match . Then Clark would say something like , ' If you win , I 'll give you fifty bucks , but if I win you have to ride to the next town with me . ' In most towns this ended with a large bar fight , which often destroyed the bar , but it also ended with more than one person following Clark to the next town . After a person had ridden with him for a day , Clark would tell that person about his plan to rule the world , and that the people he picked up first along the way would be helping him to rule . Generally because of the people he chose , and because of his strength , the people believed him and were soon true followers . By the end of three weeks he had gathered over 300 followers . It had taken three weeks for Jonathan and Pete to find Clark . It wasn 't hard to follow the news reports from each town , but it was hard to get to the town before Clark left . But in the last town he was in , Clark had told everyone in the bar where he would be going next , and the ones that didn 't go with him had told Jonathan where he was headed . Once they were checked in Jonathan called Martha for his daily update . Martha had wanted to go with them , but she wasn 't in good shape mentally or physically after loosing the baby . And someone needed to say home and take care of the farm . Jonathan said , " We found him . " " I 'm fine . Don 't you worry about me . Just get Clark back . Everything will be okay again as soon as he 's home with us where he belongs . " Pete called his parents and talked for a while . Pete 's parents thought Pete was helping Jonathan and Clark buy some new cows and farm equipment . Jonathan listened with half an ear as Pete talked to his folks . Jonathan shook his head and thought , ' I hate that I 'm making Pete to lie to his parents . ' He thought again that things could have been different if he had been calmer at the hospital with Clark . He had been angry , and he had said some things that regretted . He thought , ' I shouldn 't have shut the door on Clark . I should have made him come in with me . I should have made Clark visit Martha every day , and given him a direction for his guilt . I should have helped him to forgive himself . ' Jonathan had gone over these same thoughts daily since Clark had left , and he had a hard time forgiving himself . But he also knew Clark had made the choice to leave , and to put on the red ring . Clark was old enough to take responsibilities for his actions , and as soon as they got the ring off Clark , Jonathan was going to make sure Clark knew what those responsibilities were . The pizza came and brought Jonathan out of his musing . He and Pete ate and played cards while keeping an eye out the window for people going into and out of the bar . About four hours later Pete said , " There he is . " Jonathan looked out the window and saw his son coming out of the bar . He said , " Get down Pete . I don 't want him to notice us . " Jonathan got behind the curtain and watched through a small hole he had made . He couldn 't believe it when Clark came towards them . He said , " He 's coming this way . He might have already seen us . Try to get the box from off the bed without standing up . " Pete crawled on the floor towards the bed , but then Jonathan said , " It looks like he went into the office . Maybe he hasn 't seen us . Maybe he 's getting a room for the night . " Four hours later Jonathan and Pete were standing outside the door they had seen Clark go in . Pete was carrying a small lead lined box that had a medium sized piece of meteor rock in it . He was also carrying a hammer . Jonathan was carrying a couple of small tools that he hoped he could pick the lock with . Jonathan was about to put the thin piece of metal into the lock when a thought occurred to him . He looked at Pete , and tried to open the door . As he suspected it wasn 't even locked . They went in , and saw Clark sleeping on the bed . His hand was on top of the covers , and the red ring was reflecting the street lamp out the window . Jonathan closed the door and locked it . Then he made sure Pete was in the right position , and closed the drapes . As soon as the drapes were closed , Pete opened the box . The Kryptonite had a soft green glow , and Clark immediately started groaning in his sleep . Jonathan turned on the light and took the hammer . Clark opened his eyes to see his father bringing down the hammer on his hand . He tried to move fast , but felt the green Kryptonite 's effects , and he couldn 't make himself move at all , let alone move fast . As the ring shattered Pete stepped back from the bed a couple of steps . He watched as Clark moaned on the bed , and took another step back . Soon Clark just looked winded and weak instead of looking like he was on his deathbed with a green tint and dark veins . Jonathan picked up as many of the red Kryptonite fragments as he could find , and flushed them down the toilet . He took the ring off Clark 's hand and nodded to Pete . Pete closed the box and Clark looked immediate better . Clark was confused and said , " Dad ? Pete ? " Jonathan sat down on the bed and put a hand on Clark 's shoulder . He said , " Now you listen to me Clark Kent . I know you have been blaming yourself for your mom losing the baby , but you 're wrong . It was an accident . You thought we were going to be at the wedding . Now I 'm not condoning what you did , and we will be talking about that when we get home , but your mother loosing the baby was an accident . " " How can you say that ? It was my fault . If I hadn 't destroyed the ship , Mom would still be pregnant . She must hate me . " Jonathan said , " You won 't be able to keep us safe all the time Clark , and as your parents we 're supposed to keep you safe , not the other way around . You can 't burden yourself with our safety . Just because you 're stronger than everyone else doesn 't mean that you are omnipotent . " Clark looked his dad in the eye and said , " I miss you and Mom . I miss Lana , Pete , Chloe , and Lex too , but I can 't take the chance that I will hurt any of you . " Jonathan looked sternly at his son and said , " You owe it to your mother to go home and at least talk to her about what happened . You also owe it to us to help us fix up the farm . Then when that 's done , we 'll see about you staying or leaving . " At the mention of his follower 's Clark got very red . Jonathan said , " Come on and get your stuff together . We have a rented truck out side of door two . Pete go pack up our stuff and put it in the truck while I help Clark pack okay ? " Clark got up and started to gather his few belongings , and over heard his father talking . Jonathan said , " We got him , and we 're on our way home . Martha , are you there ? Don 't cry honey , we 'll be home soon . I love you too . Bye . " He turned to Clark and said , " Your mother is very happy you 're coming home . " They loaded stuff into the truck , and Clark put the motorcycle in the back of the truck . They rode to the airport , and turned in the rental car . While they were there , Jonathan paid to have someone drive the motorcycle back to Smallville . Once that was taken care of , they got the first available flight to Metropolis , which was leaving in two hours . The three of them got a late night / early morning snack at the deli in the airport while they waited for their flight . Jonathan and Pete slept on the plane ride home , while Clark looked out the window and worried . Jonathan 's truck was still parked in the long term parking area , so they made it to Pete 's house by mid morning . Jonathan got out and talked to Pete 's parents for a few minutes . He told them Pete had been a great help to him , and that things had gone well . The ride back to the Kent farm was uncomfortably quiet . Clark hadn 't heard the voice yet today , and he was very worried about what the voice would say and do when it learned that Clark was back home . Soon they were home , and Martha ran out to the truck to meet them . Clark got out of the truck and hugged his mom . He said , " I 'm so sorry about the baby Mom . " They all went into the living room and sat down . Martha brought out cookies and lemonade for everyone , but no one had any . After a few moments of silence Jonathan said , " While you were traveling , did you tell anyone the truth about yourself ? " " He tells me where to go next , and what to do when I get there . He has told me the master plan . I am supposed to get about 500 followers , and then set up a base for a couple of months so I can build up money and followers . Then when he says the time is right I am to take over America , and eventually the rest of the world . " Clark opened his shirt . His mother took a sharp breath in at the site of Clark 's scar . Jonathan said , " Clark , have you ever x - rayed yourself ? " Clark looked down and soon saw the small piece of metal imbedded in his skin . He said , " Your right ! There is a piece of metal stuck under my skin . Do you think that is how he 's talking to me ? " Jonathan said , " The only time I ever saw a needle go through you was when you were sick . I wonder if we had your mom hold a meteor rock close to you , if your skin would be weak enough for me to cut . Then I could get the metal piece out . " Clark nodded while Martha shook her head . Martha said , " But Jonathan , that is so risky . We don 't know if extended exposure to the meteor rock builds up in his system . " Clark said , " If we can 't get the metal out of me , I can 't stay here . I 'll end up hurting you both . We have to try to get it out . Please mom . " Jonathan went to get the box with the Kryptonite , while Martha went to the kitchen and got a knife and a pair of tweezers . She cleaned them both with rubbing alcohol and brought them out . Clark had gotten a towel from the drawer , and taken off his shirt . Jonathan said , " Okay Martha , I want you to stand behind the couch and open the box . It 's probably better if you don 't watch . " Clark pointed to a spot right over his heart , and Jonathan nodded . Martha opened the box , and Clark immediately felt sick . Jonathan put a hand on Clark 's shoulder and said , " I 'm sorry I don 't have any thing to numb the pain , but it should go away as soon as I 'm done . Keep your hands on the carpet . " Clark groaned , nodded , and grabbed the throw rug in a death grip . Jonathan took the knife , and found it easy to cut Clark 's skin . He tried not to let Clark 's small scream distract him as he fished around for the metal piece . He got a hold of it with the tweezers and pulled it out . He said , " Close the box . " Martha closed it and turned around . They both watched as Clark 's skin healed before their eyes . Not only did the knife wound clear up , but the scar from the ship also healed itself . Jonathan held up the small metal piece and said , " The scar must have been an elaborate way to hide this . " Clark said , " We need to destroy that too . " Once they were in the hole Jonathan said , " Kryptonite destroyed the ship , so it should destroy this piece too . I 'll drop the metal piece in the box , and close the lid . Then you can get us out of here before it explodes " Clark stood on the opposite side while Jonathan dropped the small metal piece into the box with the Kryptonite . As soon as the lid was closed Clark went and got his father . He carried him as fast as he could out of the hole . They were back to the house before Jonathan realized any time had passed . They waited for a few seconds until they heard a small popping sound . Jonathan turned to Clark and said , " That 's it ? " Jonathan nodded , and Clark climbed down and opened the box . He didn 't see the metal piece , but the Kryptonite was still there , so he closed the lid quickly . Jonathan said , " Let me see . " Clark handed the box to Jonathan , and climbed out of the cellar . Jonathan opened the box and took out the Kryptonite . The metal piece was gone . He put the Kryptonite back in the box and said , " Well that was easy . Let 's go back in . " " First of all , you lied to your mother and me about hearing the voice . You decide to destroy the space ship without consulting us , because you thought we wouldn 't agree with you . Then you stole a key from Lionel Luther , and used Pete to help you . You and Pete are lucky that he didn 't get into more trouble for that stunt by the way . Next you skipped your friends wedding where you were supposed to be the best man . How do you think it made Lex feel when you didn 't even show up ? " " I would think that would be an even more important reason to show up , and support your friend when he needed you . Then you put the key in the space ship . I hope you realize that touching the Kriptonite key could have killed you , and that the explosion from the ship when you were already weak might have killed you too . " " If you had talked to us son , we might have come up with a better way to do it together , a way that would not have been so dangerous . After you destroyed the ship , and got your mother and me to the hospital , you decided that you needed to leave town . But what I see as the biggest mistake of them all , was your decision to get a red Kriptonite ring to make yourself feel better . So you stole the ring from your good friend Chloe . I don 't know why you have this idea that stealing is okay now , but that is going to change . " Jonathan paused , but Clark didn 't say anything . Jonathan continued with , " I don 't blame you for the things you did while you had the red ring on , but I do expect you to acknowledge the fact that those things wouldn 't have happened if you hadn 't put the ring on in the first place . " Clark did feel very guilty about the things he had done in the past three weeks , and he nodded his head and said , " Yes sir . " Jonathan looked at Martha and said , " Okay , I think your mother and I need to talk alone for a few minutes about your punishment . I want you to go to your room . You can try to get some rest since you didn 't sleep much last night . Then after we have lunch we 'll talk about what you 're going to be doing to make up for what you 've done . " " I know that if I had screwed up as badly as Clark did , my father would have spanked me . I also know that Clark left because he felt extremely guilty for what he had done . Now add on the three weeks of doing even worse things because of the red ring , and he has to be wallowing in guilt . It would help him to feel like he had paid for his mistakes . But even with that aside , I think he has been too cocky for his own good for the past few months . Lately he has been doing whatever he thinks is best whether we think it 's a good idea or not . He doesn 't consult us , or tell us where he 's going , or what he 's doing anymore ; he just does what he wants . Now most of the time I agree with his actions , but not always . He needs to have a little more control , and sometimes he needs to think more before he acts . Like the time he threw that boy who was bugging Lana against the car . I know that he needed to protect Lana , but tossing the boy was not the right thing to do , and it got him into trouble with that policewoman . Maybe if he knew he could be spanked when he made really big mistakes , he would think things through a little more often . " " Martha , you 'll have to trust me here . It won 't make Clark want to leave . In fact it will make him want to stay with us even more , and it will make him feel less guilty about the things he has done . " Clark nodded . Jonathan continued , " You will help me rebuild the cellar during the month you 're grounded . You will carefully write a thousand times ' I will not lie to my parents . ' You will apologize to Lex for missing his wedding , and ask him how you can make it up to him . You will tell Lex and Helen that you 're volunteering at the hospital Helen works at during the month you 're grounded . You will apologize to Chloe and you will buy her a new class ring . Then you will volunteer to help her with the torch for a month after your done volunteering at the hospital . Because you stole from Lionel , Chloe , and me , you will write ' I will not steal ' one thousand times . " Clark was starting to feel nauseous . He knew that he had screwed up , and he knew that he deserved to be punished , but as the list of punishments got longer , he realized that three weeks ago he had made the biggest mistakes of his life . He also realized that his father was not going to let him just forget about them , or push them under the rug . Jonathan continued , " You will help me give the bike you stole from me a tune up once it gets here , and you will pay for new tires for it . You will apologize to Pete for using him to get the Kryptonite key . I have already told him , that if he goes along with you when you come up with another plan like that , that I will be talking to his parents . He already knows that he will be helping us to rebuild the cellar , since he helped destroy it . You should ask him what you can do to make it up to him , but I doubt Pete will make you do anything . You 're really lucky to have a friend like him . " Jonathan nodded to Martha , and she went to pick up the box with the Kryptonite and opened it . Clark felt a little weak , but she wasn 't close enough for him to feel really sick . Clark was scared and said , " What are you going to do ? " Martha took a few steps closer , and Clark fell back down to the couch feeling quite ill . Jonathan waved her back to the door , and Clark felt just weak again . Jonathan said , " It is going to happen Clark . You need to accept that sometimes I know what is best for you whether you like it or not . " Jonathan looked Clark in the eyes and said , " I can , and I 'm going to . Take down your pants , or I will take them down for you . " Clark found himself fumbling with the zipper of his jeans . Then stopped and looked at his mom . He gave her a pleading look , and she gave him a slight nod and turned around so she couldn 't see them . Clark stood up to push his pants down , and watched as his father stood up and took his belt off and doubled it over in his hand . Clark looked like he was about to cry and shook his head no . Jonathan took Clark 's upper arm , and pulled Clark down over his lap as he sat back down on the couch . Jonathan pulled Clark 's briefs down to mid thigh , and brought the belt down on Clark 's butt with a solid whack . Clark made no noise , and there was no red spot where the belt had connected , so Jonathan said , " Take a step towards us Martha . " She stepped backwards and Jonathan brought the belt down again . This time Clark 's body jumped a little at the impact , and there was a faint red line on his butt where the belt had struck him . Jonathan said , " Half a step more Martha . " He began to spank Clark methodically . Laying the stripes one right above , and slightly overlapping the previous spot until he got to the top of Clark 's butt . Then starting to head down until he got to Clark 's upper thighs . By the time he got down to Clark 's thighs , Clark was yelping with each whack . Jonathan started the belt back up Clark 's butt and said , " You will never purposely put on a red ring again . " Whack , Whack , Whack . " You will not run away from us . " Whack , Whack , Whack . " You will not lie to us . " Whack , Whack , Whack . " We love you , and we will not sit by and watch you hurt yourself . " Whack , Whack , Whack . Clark was now crying and said , " I 'm sorry ! Dad , I 'm so sorry . " Jonathan had gotten to Clark 's thighs for the second time , and gave Clark four harder whacks moving back up . Then he stopped , and set the belt down on the couch beside him . He rubbed Clark 's back for a few seconds while Clark cried . He looked over to Martha and could tell she was crying too . He pulled up Clark 's underwear , and said , " Okay son , it 's all over . Your mother and I forgive you . " He helped Clark stand up and Clark pulled his pants up . Jonathan pulled Clark down onto the couch to sit next to him and put an arm around his shoulders . Clark winced as his sore butt hit the couch . He turned into his father 's chest and hugged him while he cried . Jonathan said , " Okay Martha , you can close the box . " As soon as Martha closed the lid Clark 's butt healed , and he no longer hurt , but he still cried into his father 's chest . Martha put the box down and came over to sit on the other side of Clark on the couch . She still had some tears in her eyes , and she put her hand over her husband 's hand on Clark 's back . Clark felt her close to him , and turned to look at her . He saw that she had been crying , and said , " I 'm sorry mom . " That night the tree of them stayed up all night talking . Together they came up with a plan to deal with any of Clark 's followers who might show up . They also stayed together to make sure Clark didn 't hear the voice . To everyone 's relief , Clark didn 't hear the voice that night . Jonathan made it very clear that if Clark ever lied to them again , that he would be spanked again . By morning they were all tired , but happy too . Three weeks later Clark and Pete were working on the cellar together . They had been working for about an hour , and Pete said , " Hey Clark , has Lana completely forgiven you yet ? " " My dad would have spanked me if I pulled a stunt like you did . I mean , he hasn 't spanked me for years , but I know he still would if he thought I needed it . All your dad can do is ground you . " Clark looked at him and said , " You know , after a few days , I actually was glad he did it . It made me feel better . Do you think that 's crazy ? "

Alvin Junior wasn 't scared when he saw the beam falling , and he wasn 't scared when it crashed to the floor on either side . But when all the grown - ups started carrying on like the Day of Rapture , a - hugging him and talking in whispers , then he got scared . Grown - ups had a way of doing things for no reason at all . Like the way Papa was setting on the floor by the fire , just studying the split pieces of the shivered ridgepole , the piece of wood that sprung under the weight of the ridgebeam and sent it all crashing down . When Mama was being herself , not Papa or nobody could bring big old pieces of split and dirty wood into her house . But today Mama was as crazy as Papa , and when he showed up toting them big old splinters of wood , she just bent over , rolled up the rug , and got herself out of Papa 's way . Well , anybody who didn 't know to get out of Papa 's way when he had that look on his face was too dumb to live . David and Calm was lucky , they could go off to their own houses on their own cleared land , where their own wives had their own suppers cooking and they could decide whether to be crazy or not . The rest of them weren 't so lucky . With Papa and Mama being crazy , the rest of them had to be crazy , too . Not one of the girls fought with any of the others , and they all helped fix supper and clean up after without a word of complaint . Wastenot and Wantnot went out and chopped wood and did the evening milking without so much as punching each other in the arm , let alone getting in a wrestling match , which was right disappointing to Alvin Junior , seeing as how he always got to wrestle the loser , which was the best wrestling he ever got to do , them being eighteen years old and a real challenge , not like the boys he usually hunkered down with . And Measure , he just sat there by the fire , whittling out a big old spoon for Mama 's cooking pot , never so much as looking up - but he was waiting , just like the others , for Papa to come back to his right self and yell at somebody . The only normal person in the house was Calvin , the three - year - old . The trouble was that normal for him meant tagging along after Alvin Junior like a kitten on a mouse 's trail . He never came close enough to play with Alvin Junior , or to touch him or talk to him or anything useful . He was just there , always there at the edge of things , so Alvin would look up just as Calvin looked away , or catch a glimpse of his shirt as he ducked behind a door , or sometimes in the dark of night just hear a faint breathing that was closer than it ought to be , which told him Calvin wasn 't lying on his cot , he was standing right there by Alvin 's bed , watching . Nobody ever seemed to notice it . It had been more than a year since Alvin gave up trying to get him to stop . If Alvin Junior ever said , " Ma , Cally 's pestering me , " Mama would just say , " Al Junior , he didn 't say a thing , he didn 't touch you , and if you don 't like him just standing quiet as a body could ask , well , that 's just too bad for you , because it suits me fine . I wish certain other of my children could learn to be as still . " Alvin figured that it wasn 't that Calvin was normal today , it 's that the rest of the family had just come up to his regular level of craziness . Papa just stared and stared at the split wood . Now and then he 'd fit it together the way it was . Once he spoke , real quiet . " Measure , you sure you got all them pieces ? " Ma was listening , of course . Papa once said that when Ma was paying attention , she could hear a squirrel fart in the woods a half mile away in the middle of a storm with the girls rattling dishes and the boys all chopping wood . Alvin Junior wondered sometimes if that meant Ma knew more witchery than she let on , since one time he sat in the woods not three yards away from a squirrel for more than an hour , and he never heard it so much as belch . Measure wasn 't half so worried about his eternal fate as he was worried about Mama being riled at him . He didn 't try to argue that he wasn 't talking smart or being sassy - only a fool would do that when Mama was already hot . He just started in looking humble and begging her pardon , not to mention the forgiveness of Papa and the sweet mercy of the Lord . By the time she was done with ragging him , poor Measure had already apologized a half a dozen times , so that she finally just grumped and went back to her sewing . Alvin Junior couldn 't help himself . Her dire threat just struck him funny . And even though he knew he was taking his life in his hands , he opened up his mouth to laugh . He knew that if he laughed he 'd have Mama 's thimble hard on his head , or maybe her hand clapped hard on his ear , or even her hard little foot smashed right down on his bare foot , which she did once to David the time he told her she should have learnt the word no sometime before she had thirteen mouths to cook for . This was a matter of life and death . This was more frightening than the ridgebeam , which after all never hit him , which was more than he could say for Mama . So he caught that laugh before it got loose , and he turned it into the first thing he could think of to say . Well , that did it . Alvin Junior just laughed out loud . And that set half the girls to laughing . Which made Measure laugh . And finally Mama laughed , too . They all just laughed and laughed till they were mostly crying and Mama started sending people upstairs to bed , including Alvin Junior . All the excitement had Alvin Junior feeling pretty spunky , and he hadn 't figured out yet that sometimes he ought to keep all that jumpiness locked up tight . It happened that Matilda , who was sixteen and fancied herself a lady , was walking up the stairs right in front of him . Everybody hated walking anywhere behind Matilda , she took such delicate , ladylike steps . Measure always said he 'd rather walk in line behind the moon , cause it moved faster . Now Matilda 's backside was right in Al Junior 's face , swaying back and forth , and he thought of what Measure said about the moon , and reckoned how Matilda 's backside was just about as round as the moon , and then he got to wondering what it would be like to touch the moon , and whether it would be hard like a beetle 's back or squishy as a slug . And when a boy six years old who 's already feeling spunky gets a thought like that in his head , it 's not even half a second till his finger is two inches deep in delicate flesh . Alvin Junior could never understand why Mama didn 't like that song , but it was true that the boys never sang it where she could hear . The twins stopped singing and clambered up the ladder to the loft . At that moment the door to the big girls ' room was flung open and Matilda , her eyes all red from crying , stuck her head out and shouted , " You 'll be sorry ! " Only then did Alvin remember that when the girls set out to get even , he would be the main victim . Calvin was still considered the baby , so he was safe enough , and the twins were older and bigger and there was always two of them . So when the girls got riled , Alvin was first in line for their deadly wrath . Matilda was sixteen , Beatrice was fifteen , Elizabeth was fourteen , Anne was twelve , Mary was ten , and they all preferred picking on Alvin to practically any other recreation that the Bible would permit . One time when Alvin was tormented past endurance and only Measure 's strong arms held him back from hot - blooded murder with a hayfork , Measure allowed as how the punishments of hell would most likely consist of living in the same house with five women who were all about twice a man 's size . Alvin went into the little room he shared with Calvin and just set there , waiting for Matilda to come and kill him . But she didn 't come and didn 't come , and he realized that she was probably waiting till after the candies were all out , so that no one would know which of his sisters snuck in and snuffed him out . Heaven knew he 'd given them all ample reason to want him dead in the last two months alone . He was trying to guess whether they 'd stifle him with Matilda 's goosedown pillow - which would be the first time he was ever allowed to touch it - or if he 'd die with Beatrice 's precious sewing scissors in his heart , when all of a sudden he realized that if he didn 't get outside to the privy in about twenty - five seconds he 'd embarrass himself right in his trousers . Somebody was in the privy , of course , and Alvin stood outside jumping and yelling for three minutes and still they wouldn 't come out . It occurred to him that it was probably one of the girls , in which case this was the most devilish plan they 'd ever come up with , keeping him out of the privy when they knew he was scared to go into the woods after dark . It was a terrible vengeance . If he messed himself he 'd be so ashamed he 'd probably have to change his name and run away , and that was a whole lot worse than a poke in the behind . It made him mad as a constipated buffalo , it was so unfair . He waited , but whoever was in there didn 't say , " If you do I 'll make you lick it off my shoe , " and since that was the customary response , Al realized for the first time that the person inside the privy might not be one of his sisters after all . It was certainly not one of the boys . Which left only two possibilities , each one worse than the other . Al was so mad at himself he smacked his own head with his fist , but it didn 't make him feel no better . Papa would probably give him a lick , but even worse would be Mama . She might give him a tongue - lashing , which was bad enough , but if she was in a real vile temper , she 'd get that cold look on her face and say real soft , " Alvin Junior , I used to hope that at least one of my boys would be a born gentleman , but now I see my life was wasted , " which always made him feel about as low as he knew how to feel without dying . " Are you sure ? There 's some wild animals around here that think it 's smart to leave their do on the ground outside privy doors . I tell you that if there 's any such animal I 'll lay a trap and catch it by the back end one of these nights . And when I find it in the morning , I 'll stitch up its bung hole and turn it loose to bloat up and die in the woods . " Papa shook his head and started walking toward the house . " I don 't know what 's wrong with your bowel , boy . One minute you don 't need to go and the next minute you 're about to die . " Alvin rinsed his hands at the pump a long time , because he feared what was waiting for him back in the house . But then , alone outside in the darkness , he began to be afraid for another reason . Everybody said that a White man never could hear when a Red man was walking through the woods , and his big brothers got some fun out of telling Alvin that whenever he was alone outside , especially at night , there was Reds in the forest , watching him , playing with their flint - bladed tommy - hawks and itching to have his scalp . In broad daylight , Al didn 't believe them , but at night , his hands cold with the water , a chill ran through him , and he thought he even knew where the Red was standing . Just over his shoulder , back over near the pigsty , moving so quiet that the pigs didn 't even grunt and the dogs didn 't bark or nothing . And they 'd find Al 's body , all hairless and bloody , and then it 'd be too late . Bad as his sisters were - and they were bad - Al figured they 'd be better than dying from a Red man 's flint in his head . He fair to flew from the pump to the house , and he didn 't look back to see if the Red was really there . As soon as the door was closed , he forgot his fears of silent invisible Reds . Things were right quiet in the house , which was pretty suspicious to start with . The girls were never quiet till Papa shouted at them at least three times each night . So Alvin walked , up real careful , looking before every step , checking over his shoulder so often he started getting a crick in his neck . By the time he was inside his room with the door closed he was so jittery that he almost hoped they 'd do whatever they were planning to do and get it over with . But they didn 't do it and they didn 't do it . He looked around the room by candlelight , turned down his bed , looked into every comer , but there was nothing there . Calvin was asleep with his thumb in his mouth , which meant that if they had prowled around his room , it had been a while ago . He began to wonder if maybe , just this once , the girls had decided to leave him be or even do their dirty tricks to the twins . It would be a whole new life for him , if the girls started being nice . Like as if an angel came down and lifted him right out of hell . He stripped off his clothes quick as he could , folded them , and put them on the stool by his bed so they wouldn 't be full of roaches in the morning . He had kind of an agreement with the roaches . They could get into anything they wanted if it was on the floor , but they didn 't climb into Calvin 's bed or Alvin 's neither , and they didn 't climb onto his stool . In return , Alvin never stomped them . As a result Alvin 's room was pretty much the roach sanctuary of the house , but since they kept the treaty , he and Calvin were the only ones who never woke up screaming about roaches in the bed . Something bit him under the arm . He cried out from the sharp pain . Something else bit him on the shoulder . Whatever it was , it was all over inside his nightgown , and as he yanked it off , it kept right on nipping him everywhere . Finally it was off , and he stood there stark naked slapping and brushing with his hands to try to get the bugs or whatever they were off him . Then he reached down and carefully picked up his nightgown . He couldn 't see anything scurrying away from it , and even when he shook it and shook it , nary a bug fell off . Something else fell off . It glinted for a moment in the candlelight and made a tiny twinking sound when it hit the floor . Only then did Alvin Junior notice the stifled giggling from the room next door . Oh , they got him , they got him sure . He sat on the edge of his bed , picking pins out of his nightgown and poking them into the bottom coRNer of his quilt . He never thought they 'd be so mad they 'd risk losing one of Mama 's precious steel pins , just to get even with him . But he should have known . Girls never did have any bounds of fair play , the way boys did . When a boy knocked you down in a wrestling match , why , he 'd either jump on you or wait for you to get back up , and either way you 'd be even - both up or both down . But Al knew from painful experience that girls 'd kick you when you were down and gang up on you whenever they had the chance . When they fought , they fought in order to end the fight as quick as they could . Took all the fun out of it . Just like tonight . It wasn 't a fair punishment , him poking her with his finger , and them getting him all jabbed up with pins . A couple of those places were bleeding , they stabbed so deep . And Alvin didn 't reckon Matilda had so much as a bruise , though he wished she did . So he knelt down on the floor and set the candle right there , and he began whispering to the roaches , just the way he did the day he made his peace treaty with them . He started telling them all about nice smooth sheets and soft squishy skin they could scamper on , and most of all about Matilda 's satin pillowcase on her goosedown pillow . But they didn 't seem to care about that . Hungry , that 's all they are , thought Alvin . All they care about is food , food and fear . So he started telling them about food , the most perfectly delicious food they ever ate in their life . The roaches perked right up and came close to listen , though nary one of them climbed on him , which was right in keeping with the treaty . All the food you ever wanted , all over that soft pink skin . And it 's safe , too , not a speck of danger , nothing to worry about , you just go on in there and find the food on that soft pink squishy smooth skin . It wasn 't ten seconds before he heard the first whoop from the room next door . And within a minute the whole house was in such an uproar you 'd 've thought it was on fire . Girls screaming , boys shouting , and big old boots stomping as Papa rushed up the stairs and squashed roaches . Al was about as happy as a pig in mud . Finally things started calming down in the next room . In a minute they 'd come in to check on him and Calvin , so he blew out the candle , ducked under the covers , and whispered for the roaches to hide . Sure enough , here came Mama 's footsteps in the hall outside . Just at the last moment , Alvin Junior remembered that he wasn 't wearing his nightgown . He snaked out his hand , snatched the nightgown , and pulled it under the covers just as the door opened . Then he concentrated on breathing easy and regular . Mama and Papa came in , holding up candles . He heard them pull down Calvin 's covers to check for roaches , and he feared they might pull down his as well . That would be such a shameful thing , to sleep like an animal without a stitch on . But the girls , who knew he couldn 't possibly be asleep so soon after getting stuck with so many pins , they were naturally afraid of what Alvin might tell Mama and Papa , so they made sure to hustle them out of the room before they could do more than shine a candle in Alvin 's face to make sure he was asleep . Alvin held his face absolutely still , not even twitching his eyelids . The candle went away , the door softly closed . Still he waited , and sure enough , the door opened again . He could hear the padding of bare feet across the floor . Then he felt Anne 's breath against his face and heard her whisper in his ear . " We don 't know how you did it , Alvin Junior , but we know you set those roaches onto us . " She 's in here , Papa , threatening to kill me , thought Alvin . But of course he didn 't say it out loud . Anyway , she was just trying to scare him . That would work , thought Alvin . Anne was just the one to think of something so devilish clever , since she was the very best at secretly pinching people and being a good ten feet away before they screamed . That was why she always kept her fingernails so long and sharp . Even now , Alvin could feel one of those sharp nails scraping along his cheek . He knew that by rights he should still be scared to death by Anne 's threats , but it wasn 't so . He had won the battle . He pictured the roaches crawling all over the girls , and he started to laugh . Well , that wouldn 't do . He had to stifle that , breathe calm as could be . His whole body shook from trying to hold in the laughter . He couldn 't hear anything , and when he opened his eyes he couldn 't see anybody . But he knew somebody was there . Hadn 't come in the door , so they must 've come in the open window . That 's plain silly , Alvin told himself , there isn 't a soul in here . But he lay still , all laughter gone out of him , because he could feel it , somebody standing there . No , it 's a nightmare , that 's all , I 'm still spooked from thinking about Reds watching me outside , or maybe from Anne 's threat , something like that , if I just lie here with my eyes closed it 'll go away . The blackness inside Al 's eyelids turned pink . There was a light in his room . A light as bright as daylight . There wasn 't no candle in the world , no , not even a lantern that could burn so bright as that . Al opened his eyes , and all his dread turned into terror , for now he saw that what he feared was real . There was a man standing at the foot of his bed , a man shining as if he was made of sunlight . The light in the room was coming from his skin , from his chest where his shirt was tore open , from his face , and from his hands . And in one of those hands , a knife , a sharp steel knife . I am going to die , thought Al . Just like Anne promised me , only there wasn 't no way his sisters could conjure up such an awful apparition as this one . This bright Shining Man had come on his own , that was sure , and planned to kill Alvin Junior for his own sins and not cause somebody else had set him on . Then it was like as if the light from the man pushed right through Alvin 's skin and came inside him , and the fear just went right out of him . The Shining Man might have him a knife , and he might 've snuck on into the room without so much as opening a door , but he didn 't mean no harm to Alvin . So Alvin relaxed a little and wriggled up in his bed till he was mostly sitting , leaning up against the wall , watching the Shining Man , waiting to see what all he 'd do . The Shining Man took his bright steel knife and brought the blade against his other palm - and cut . Alvin saw the gleaming crimson blood flow from the wound in the Shining Man 's hand , stream down his forearm , and drip from his elbow onto the floor . He hadn 't seen four drops , though , before he came to see a vision in his mind . He could see his sisters ' room , he knew the place , but it was different . The beds were up high , and his sisters were giants , so all he could see clear was big old feet and legs . Then he realized he was seeing a little creature 's view of the room . A roach 's view . In his vision he was scurrying , filled with hunger , absolutely fearless , knowing that if he could get up onto those feet , those legs , there 'd be food , all the food he 'd ever want . So he rushed , he climbed , he scurried , searching . But there wasn 't no food , not a speck of it , and now huge hands reached and swept him off , and then a great huge shadow loomed over him , and he felt the hard sharp crushing agony of death . And then in his vision he was one who lived , one who got away from the looming , stomping boots , under the beds , into the cracks in the walls . He fled from the room of death , but not into the old place , not into the safe room , because now that was no longer safe . That was where the lies came from . That was the place of the betrayer , the liar , the killer who had sent them into this place to die . There were no words in this vision , of course . There could be no words , no clarity of thought in a roach 's brain . But Al had words and thoughts , and he knew more than any roach what the roaches had learned . They had been promised something about the world , they had been made sure of it , and then it was a lie . Death was a fearful thing , yes , flee that room ; but in the other room , there was worse than death - there the world had gone crazy , it was a place where anything could happen , where nothing could be trusted , where nothing was certain . A terrible place . The worst place . Then the vision ended . Alvin sat there , his hands pressed against his eyes , sobbing desperately . They suffered , he cried out silently , they suffered , and I did it to them , I betrayed them . That 's what the Shining Man came to show me . I made the roaches trust me , but then I cheated them and sent them to die . I 've done murder . And now the Shining Man was gone . The light was gone from the room , and when Al opened his eyes , there was no one in the room but Cally , fast asleep . Too late even to beg forgiveness . In pure misery Al Junior closed his eyes and cried some more . How long was it ? A few seconds ? Or did Alvin doze off and not notice the passage of a much longer time ? Never mind how long - the light came back . Once again it came into him , not just through his eyes , but piercing clear to his heart , whispering to him , calming him . Again Alvin opened his eyes and looked at the face of the Shining Man , waiting for him to speak . When he said nothing , Alvin thought it was his turn , and so he stammered out the words , so weak compared to the feelings in his heart . " I 'm sorry , I 'll never do it again , I 'll - " He was babbling , he knew it , couldn 't even hear himself speak he was so upset . But the light grew brighter for a moment , and he felt a question in his mind . Not a word was spoke , mind you , but he knew that the Shining Man wanted him to say what it was he was sorry for . Then the light pushed at him again , and he saw another vision . Not roaches this time . Now he saw the image of a Red man , kneeling before a deer , calling it to come and die ; the deer came , all trembling and its eyes wide , the way they are when they 're scared . It knew it was coming to die . The Red loosed him an arrow , and there it stood , quivering in the doe 's flank . Her legs wobbled . She fell . And Alvin knew that in this vision there wasn 't no sin at all , because dying and killing , they were both just a part of life . The Red was doing right , and so was the deer , both acting according to their natural law . So if the evil he done wasn 't the death of the roaches , what was it ? The power he had ? His knack for making things go just where he wanted , making them break just in the right place , understanding how things ought to be and helping them get that way ? He 'd found that right useful , as he made and fixed the things a boy makes and fixes in a rough country household . He could fit the two pieces of a broken hoe handle , fit them so tight that they joined forever without glue or tack . Or two pieces of torn leather , he didn 't even have to stitch them ; and when he tied a knot in string or rope , it stayed tied . It was the same knack he used with the roaches . Making them understand how things was supposed to be , and then they did what he wanted . Was that his sin , that knack of his ? The Shining Man heard his question before he even found words for it . Here came the push of light , and another vision . This time he saw himself pressing his hands against a stone , and the stone melted like butter under his hands , came out in just the shape he wanted , smooth and whole , fell from the side of the mountain and rolled away , a perfect ball , a perfect sphere , growing and growing until it was a whole world , shaped just the way his hands had made it , with trees and grass springing up on its face , and animals running and leaping and flying and swimming and crawling and burrowing on and above and within the ball of stone that he had made . No , it wasn 't a terrible power , it was a glorious one , if he only knew how to use it . This time the Shining Man didn 't show him a thing . This time Alvin didn 't see no burst of light , there wasn 't a vision at all . Instead the answer just came , not from the Shining Man but from inside his own self . One second he felt too stupid ever to understand his own wickedness , and then the next second he saw it all as clear as could be . It wasn 't the roaches dying , and it wasn 't the fact he made them do it . It was the fact that he made them do it just to suit his own pleasure . He told them it was for their own good , but it wasn 't so , it was for Alvin 's benefit alone . Harming his sisters , more than harming the roaches , and all so Alvin could lie in his bed shaking with laughter because he got even - The Shining Man heard the thoughts of Alvin 's heart , yes sir , and Al Junior saw a fire leap from his gleaming eye and strike him in the heart . He had guessed it . He was right . So Alvin made the most solemn promise of his whole life , right then and there . He had a knack , and he 'd use it , but there was rules in things like that , rules that he would follow even if it killed him . " I 'll never use it for myself again , " said Alvin Junior . And when he said the words he felt like his heart was on fire , it burned so hot inside . Alvin lay back , slid down under the blanket , exhausted from weeping , weary with relief . He 'd done a bad thing , that was so . But as long as he kept this oath he made , as long as he only used his knack to help other people and never ever used it to help himself , why then he would be a good boy and didn 't need to be ashamed . He felt lightheaded the way you do coming out of a fever , and that was about right , he had been healed of the wickedness that grew inside him for a spell . He thought of himself laughing when he 'd just caused death for his own pleasure , and he was ashamed , but that shame was tempered , it was softened , cause he knew that it would never happen again . As he lay there , Alvin once again felt the light grow in the room . But this time it didn 't come from a single source . Not from the Shining Man at all . This time when he opened his eyes he realized the light was coming from himself . His own hands were shining , his own face must be glowing the way the Shining Man had . He threw off his covers and saw that his whole body glowed with light so dazzling he couldn 't hardly bear to look at himself , except that he also couldn 't bear to look anywhere else . Is this me ? he thought . No , not me . I 'm shining like this because I 've also got to do something . Just like the Shining Man did something for me , I 've got something to do , too . But who am I supposed to do it for ? There was the Shining Man , visible again at the foot of his bed , but not shining no more . Now Al Junior realized that he knew this man . It was Lolla - Wossiky , that one - eyed whisky - Red who got himself baptized a few days ago , still wearing the White man 's clothes they gave him when he turned Christian . With the light inside him now , Alvin saw clearer than he ever did before . He saw that it wasn 't likker that poisoned this poor Red man , and it wasn 't losing one eye that crippled him . It was something much darker , something growing like a mold inside his head . The Red man took three steps and knelt beside the bed , his face only a little way from Alvin 's eyes . What do you want from me ? What am I supposed to do ? For the first time , the man opened his eyes and spoke . " Make all things whole , " he said . A second later , Al Junior realized that the man had said it in his Red language . Shaw - Nee , he remembered , from what the grown - ups said when he was baptized . But Al had understood it plain as if it was the Lord Protector 's own English . Make all things whole . Well , that was Al 's knack , wasn 't it ? Fixing things , making things go the way they were supposed to . Trouble was , he didn 't even half understand how he did it , and he surely had no idea how to fix something that was alive . Maybe , though , he didn 't have to understand . Maybe he just had to act . So he lifted his hand , reached out as careful as he could , and touched Lolla - Wossiky 's cheek , under the broken eye . No , that wasn 't right . He raised his finger until it touched the slack eyelid where the Red man 's other eye was supposed to be . Yes , he thought . Be whole . All the light was gone from the room . Just the moonlight now coming in the window . Not even a glimmer of the brightness was left . Like as if he just woke up from a dream , the strongest dream he ever had in his life . It took a minute for Alvin 's eyes to change so he could see . It wasn 't no dream , that was sure . Cause there was the Red man , who had once been the Shining Man . You ain 't dreaming when you got a Red man kneeling by your bed , tears coming out of his one good eye , and the other eye , where you just touched him - That eyelid was still loose , hanging over nothing . The eye wasn 't healed . " It didn 't work , " whispered Alvin . " I 'm sorry . " It was a shameful thing , that the Shining Man had saved him from awful wickedness , and he hadn 't done a thing for him in return . But the Red man said nary a word of reproach . Instead he reached out and took Alvin 's naked shoulders in both his large strong hands and pulled him close , kissed him on the forehead , hard and strong , like a father to a son , like brothers , like true friends the day before they die . That kiss and all it held - hope , forgiveness , love - let me never forget that , Alvin said silently . Lolla - Wossiky sprang to his feet . Lithe as a boy he was , not staggering drunk at all . Changed , he was changed , and it occurred to Alvin that maybe he had healed something , set something right , something deeper than his eyes . Cured him of the whisky - lust , maybe . The Red man rushed to the window , swung over the sill , hung for a moment by his hands , then disappeared . Alvin didn 't even hear his feet touch the ground outside , he was that quiet . Like the cats in the barn . How long had it been ? Hours and hours ? Would it be daylight soon ? Or had it taken only a few seconds since Anne had whispered in his ear and the family had quieted down ? Didn 't matter much . Alvin couldn 't sleep , not now , not with all that had just happened . Why had this Red man come to him ? What did it all mean , the light that filled Lolla - Wossiky and then came to fill him ? He couldn 't just lie here in bed , all full of wonder . So he got up , slithered into his nightgown as fast as he could , and slipped out of his door . Now that he was in the hall , he heard talking from downstairs . Mama and Papa were still up . At first he wanted to rush down and tell them what all happened to him . But then he heard the tone of their voices . Anger , fear , all upset . Not a good time to come to them with a tale of a dream . Even if Alvin knew it wasn 't a dream at all , that it was real , they 'd treat it like a dream . And now that he was thinking straight , he couldn 't tell them at all . What , that he sent the roaches into his sisters ' room ? The pins , the pokes , the threats ? All of that would come out too , even though it felt like months , years ago to Alvin . None of it mattered now , compared to the vow he had taken and the future he thought might be in store for him - but it would matter to Mama and Papa . After just a few minutes , he forgot about being out of sight , too . He crept farther down , until he could see into the big room . Papa sat on the floor , surrounded with wood . It surprised Al Junior that Papa was still doing that , even after coming upstairs to kill roaches , even after so much time had passed . He was bent over now , his face buried in his hands . Mama knelt in front of him , the biggest hunks of wood between them . Papa lifted his head and looked at her . " It was water that seeped into the tree and froze and thawed , long before we even cut it down . And we happened to cut it in just such a way that the flaw never showed on the surface . But it was split three ways inside , just waiting for the weight of the ridgebeam . It was water done it . " " The time you slipped on a wet floor when you were holding him . The time David knocked down the boiling cauldron . Three times when he was lost and we found him on the bank of the river . Last winter when the ice broke on the Tippy - Canoe River - " Papa slapped his hand down hard on the floor . The sound rang like a gunshot through the house . It startled Mama , and of course she started to look toward the stairs to where the children would be sleeping . Alvin Junior scampered right back up the stairs and waited out of sight for her to order him back to bed . But she must not have seen him , cause she didn 't shout anything and nobody came up after him . Mama was icy now . Alvin Junior knew that look - it was the maddest Mama knew how to get . No slaps then , no tongue - lashings . Just coldness and silence , and any child who got that treatment ftom her began to long for death and the tortures of hell , because at least it would be warmer . Alvin Junior thought of hanging onto the well bucket , falling down into the darkness , until the rope bound up on the windlass and the bucket stopped just above the water , where he would have drowned for certain . They told him he wasn 't yet two years old when that happened , but he still dreamed sometimes about the stones that lined the inside of the well , getting darker and darker as he went down . In his dreams the well was ten miles deep and he fell forever before waking up . Papa 's face looked strange then , twisted up a little , as if it was hard for him to speak at all . " I tell you that there 's something wants him dead . I know it . " Then , suddenly , Papa didn 't have no trouble talking at all . Papa just gave up saying the hard thing , and Alvin Junior felt let down , like when somebody said uncle before they even got throwed . But he knew , the minute he thought about it , that his papa wouldn 't give up like that lessen it was some terrible force stopping him from speaking up . Papa was a strong man , not a bit cowardly . And seeing Papa beat down like that , well , it made the boy afraid . Little Alvin knew that Mama and Papa were talking about him , and even though he didn 't understand half what they said , he knew that Papa was saying somebody wanted Alvin Junior dead , and when Papa tried to tell his real proof , the thing that made him know , something stopped his mouth and kept him still . Alvin Junior knew without a word being said that whatever it was stopped Papa 's mouth , it was the plain opposite of the shining light that had filled Alvin and the Shining Man tonight . There was something that wanted Alvin to be strong and good . And there was something else that wanted Alvin dead . Whatever the good thing was , it could bring visions , it could show him his terrible sin and teach him how to be shut of it forever . But the bad thing , it had the power to shut Papa 's mouth , to beat down the strongest , best man Al Junior ever knew or heard of . And that made Al afraid . When Papa went on with his arguments , his seventh son knew that he wasn 't using the proof that counted . " Not devils , not angels , " said Papa , " it 's the elements of the universe , don 't you see that he 's an offense against nature ? There 's power in him like you nor I can 't even guess . So much power that one part of nature itself can 't bear it - so much power that he protects hisself even when he don 't know he 's doing it . " She slapped his face . Alvin Junior saw it with his own eyes . And it wasn 't the offhand kind of cuffing she gave her sons when they lipped or loafed around . It was a slap that like to took his face off , and he fell over to sprawl on the floor . " I 'll tell you this , Alvin Miller . " Her voice was so cold it burned . " If that church is finished , and there 's none of your handiwork in it , then you will cease to be my husband and I will cease to be your wife . " If there were more words , Alvin Junior didn 't hear them . He was up in his bed a - trembling that such a terrible thought could be thought , not to mention being spoke out loud . He had been afraid so many times tonight , afraid of pain , afraid of dying when Anne whispered murder in his ear , and most of all afraid when the Shining Man came to him and named his sin . But this was something else . This was the end of the whole universe , the end of the one sure thing , to hear Mama talk about not being with Papa anymore . He lay there in his bed , all kinds of thoughts dancing in his head so fast he couldn 't lay hold of any one of them , and finally in a that confusion there wasn 't nothing for it but to sleep . In the morning he thought maybe it was all a dream , it had to be a dream . But there were new stains on the floor at the foot of his bed , where the blood of the Shining Man had dripped , so that wasn 't a dream . And his parents ' quarrel , that wasn 't no dream neither . Papa stopped him after breakfast and told him , " You stay up here with me today , Al . " " You 're going to stay here with me , today . You 're going to help me build something . " Papa swallowed , and stopped himself from looking at Mama . " That church is going to need an altar , and I figure we can build a right nice one that can go inside that church as soon as the roof is on and the walls are up . " Papa looked at Mama and smiled a smile that sent a shiver up Alvin Junior 's back . " You think that preacher 'll like it ? " That took Mama back , it was plain . But she wasn 't the kind to back off from a wrestling match just because the other guy got one throw , Alvin Junior knew that much . " What can the boy do ? " she asked . " He ain 't no carpenter . " " He 's got a good eye , " said Papa . " If he can patch and tool leather , he can put some crosses onto the altar . Make it look good . " " Then I 'll have the boy burn the crosses in . " Papa put his hand on Alvin Junior 's head . " Even if he sits here all day and reads in the Bible , this boy ain 't going down to that church till the last pew is in . " Papa 's voice sounded hard enough to carve his words in stone . Mama looked at Alvin Junior and then at Alvin Senior . Finally she turned her back and started filling the basket with dinner for them as was going to the church . " Well , too bad , " said Measure . " But when Mama and Papa get cold , the whole Wobbish Valley has a snowstorm . " He winked at Alvin Junior , just the way he had last night , when it got him in so much trouble . That wink made Alvin figure he could ask Measure a question that he wouldn 't normally speak right out . He walked over closer , so his voice wouldn 't carry to the others . Measure caught on to what Alvin wanted , and he squatted down right there by the wagon wheel , to hear what Alvin had to say . " But if he don 't . That 's what I 'm asking . How do I know about things like that , when Mama says one thing and Papa says another ? " Measure started to answer something easy , but he stopped himself - Alvin could see in his face how he made up his mind to say something serious . Something true , instead of something easy . " Al , I got to tell you , I wisht I knew . Sometimes I figure ain 't nobody knows nothing . " Alvin could see just the opposite thing this time . Measure thought of telling the truth , but he changed his mind . Stood up tall and tousled Alvin 's hair . That was a sure sip to Alvin Junior that a grown - up was going to lie to him , the way they always lied to children , as if children weren 't reliable enough to be trusted with the truth . " Oh , I reckon they just quarrel to hear theirselfs talk . " Measure squatted down again . " I can 't always do that , Al , cause sometimes it 'd just be too hard . Sometimes I 'd have to explain things that I just don 't know how to explain . Sometimes there 's things that you have to figure out by living long enough . " " Don 't you be so mad at me , little brother . I can 't tell you some things because I just don 't know myself , and that 's not lying . But you can count on this . If I can tell you , I will , and if I can 't , I 'll just say so , and won 't pretend . " " I won 't forget , you know . " Alvin remembered the vow he had made to the Shining Man last night . " I know how to keep a promise , too . " Measure laughed and pulled Alvin to him , hugged him right against his shoulder . " You 're as bad as Mama , " he said . " You just don 't let up . " Calm rode up on his old mare about then , and Mama came out with the dinner basket , and everybody that was going , went . Papa took Alvin Junior out to the barn and in no time at all Alvin was helping notch the boards , and his pieces fit together just as good as Papa 's . Truth to tell they fit even better , cause Al could use his knack for this , couldn 't he ? This altar was for everybody , so he could make the wood fit so snug that it wouldn 't ever come apart , not at the joints or nowhere . Alvin even thought of making Papa 's joints fit just as tight , but when he tried , he saw that Papa had something of a knack at this himself . The wood didn 't join together to make one continuous piece , like Alvin 's did - but it fit good enough , yes sir , so there wasn 't no need to fiddle . Papa didn 't say much . Didn 't have to . They both knew Alvin Junior had a knack for making things fit right , just like his Papa did . By nightfall the whole altar was put together and stained . They left it to dry , and as they walked into the house Papa 's hand was firm on Alvin 's shoulder . They walked together just as smooth and easy as if they were both parts of the same body , as if Papa 's hand just growed there right out of Alvin 's neck . Alvin could feel the pulse in Papa 's fingers , and it was beating right in time with the blood pounding in his throat .

Monday 12 / 31 / 07 Happy New Year ! ! ! . . . Hello ! Happy New Year ! ! ! I am sorry that I haven 't written in a while , I needed to stop and concentrate on Christmas . I hope that you have had a good 2007 and will have a wonderful 2008 . at Tuesday 12 / 11 / 07 Christmas cards . . . I am filling out the Christmas cards tonight . I had cards that were bought earlier in the year , but at the last minute , I misplaced them . I really didn 't want to re - buy something that I already had , so I put off re - buying them . Finally , they never turned up , and I am just starting to address the cards . I really like to mail the cards about a week after Thanksgiving . at Monday 12 / 10 / 07 Pictures and snow . . . We got our family pictures in the mail last week . They look good . We had wanted a picture of all of us before William went away to college . It is a relief that the picture is done . There is a small amount of painting that needs done on the house . William 's shelves for his closet need done and the heater in the bathroom needs some rust - o - lium . Maybe this week would be a good time to do it . Then I could quit thinking about painting Monday 12 / 03 / 07 Planning to decorate . . . We decided to put up the Christmas decorations next Saturday . We had wanted to put them up sooner , but we wanted to make sure that we had enough time to put them up . We had thought about putting them up on a Friday night , but thought that if we started in the morning when we weren 't tired and had a full day open , it would feel fun and not rushed . We have an artificial tree . We also have a lot of decorations . We started out with some decorations . Each year the kids make some at school , and each year we make ornaments as a family , and a few years ago when my grandmother passed away , we got some of her decorations . I like to take down a few pictures off of the wall and cover the picture with wrapping paper and put a bow on it . When we hang it back up , It looks like there is a present on the wall . at Sunday 12 / 2 / 07 my favorite plants . . . There are a few plants around the yard that I really care about . There are some hastas from my grandparent 's farm and also some rhubarb that came from the farm . There are the snow drop bulbs , the hastas from the neighbors down the street and the strawberries from my mom . If we move in the spring when the ground is still frozen , these plants won 't be able to come with us . A few months ago I bought some flower pots . Saturday I took some of each of these plants and put them into the pots and put them into the garage . Now I can quit worrying about moving without them . I have two more plants that I care a lot about , my great - grandparents roses . I have brought seven cuttings of both of them in the house to root . All of great - grandpas sprouted . None of great - grandmas have . There is only one of great grandmas rose bushes outside , I didn 't want to put it into the garage , for fear that it would die . The cuttings are still alive , maybe they will sprout . at Friday 11 / 30 / 07 The fridge quit working . . . Our refrigator quit working last night . Its never a good time to buy a major appliance . I went to the store today to get a used fridge . They will deliver it tomrrow morning at about 11 : 00 am . This sounds so simple . . . fridge quits . . . bought new one . . . new one ( new - to - me ) gets delivered tomorrow before lunch . In reality , we still have four hungery people at home who are ready to eat dinner , and who will want breakfast in the morning . I didn 't think that this would be a problem , we have food in the cupboard . Everything needed milk to cook it . We ended up having macronni and cheese , from a box so that the cheese was in a pouch in the box , canned fruit , canned vegetable , and baked beans . For breakfast we have some instant oatmeal . The kids still like it without milk . I need to get some foods that only require water or that are already ready , like canned spagetti . Something that we could just heat up . Also . . . do the stores sell powdered milk in packets that make one gallon of milk at a time ? How long would the powdered milk keep for in the pouches ? We need to have a few ' ' easy to prepare ' ' foods for emergencies . at Thursday 11 / 29 / 07 The tree in front of our house . . . The tree in front of our house was cut down this last summer . The city had to take it down before they fixed a broken pipe in the street . They were concearned that the roots would be cut when the street was worked on and the tree would fall . The city came back yesterday and ground up the stump . The did a really nice job . I have to say that they have really done an excellent job with our tree and street . I wonder if they will come back next summer and plant a new tree ? at Wednesday 11 / 28 / 07 Decorating the church . . . We decorated the church for Christmas tonight . It was fun . We helped decorate two trees and sang Christmas songs . There were twenty to forty people decorating . The first tree had a long . . . white . . . veil type ( see through ) piece of material that we draped around the tree first . Next we put on green plastic leaves and big bows . It looked very elegent . The second tree , in another room , had some ornament art work from the kids Sunday School class . . After the ornaments were up we took strips of paper and stapled them into a chain to put on the tree . We had about ten kids and three staplers . We were at a round table so we ended up having the kids staple one link to their chain and pass the stapler to the left . When we all had to go the kids stapled their individual chains together to make a long chain . We made a lot of memories tonight . at Monday 11 / 26 / 07 ' ' The Waltons ' ' . . . We needed a television series on DVD to watch at home . I wanted something that I had watched as a kid , so that the content would be ok for my kids . I first thought of " Little House on the Prarie " but there were so few boys on the show . Their brother came in years after the show started . The series that we chose needed to have boys and men so that William would be interested in it too . I also liked " My three Sons " , but I can 't find it on DVD or VHS . It has all men and one of the boys , is young , one is just starting to date , and one is . . I don 't know maybe high school . I remember watching it as a child and thinking that the oldest son was really old . My third choice was " The Waltons " . It had lots of boys and men , good values and a lot going on in each episode . My kids love it . William tries not to show that he likes it . Now and then when the show is on William will be walking through the room and he will stop to watch it before he realizes it , he is enjoying the show . We have now watched years one and two . Friday 11 / 23 / 07 Holidays and shopping . . . The kids have almost finished the Thanksgiving left - overs . We will be back to non - holiday foods tomorrow . That 's OK . It was fun . We may put the tree up on Sunday . I had wanted to start filling out my Christmas cards , putting on their addresses one night , signing them another . . . but now I can 't find them . I saw the cards last week , I must have moved them . William wanted to go to the bookstore at the mall today , and Beth had money from her birthday to spend . I don 't go to the mall very often . I enjoy buying groceries , I just don 't enjoy shopping at the mall . While we were there we saw two little girls on a ride . It was a roller coaster ride . The kids sit in the seat and the view on the screen is what you would see if you were riding on a coaster . It was a ride for little kids . The girls were about three of four years old . Their parents were standing close by . As the screen changed from going up hill to down hill the seat where the girls sat moved so that the riders feel like they are moving on the ride . The little girls were so excited , hanging onto the handle and cheering . I remember when I was young and everything that happened was so exciting . We played outside today . I raked up the dead leaves from the hasta plants and only found three of the kids toys under them . The mums have started to bloom . It is so exciting to have some color in the yard . at Thursday 11 / 22 / 07 Thanksgiving . . . We celebrated Thanksgiving today . First the kids helped me to clean the house up . We vacuumed and put the odds and ends away . Then we made the meal . William finished the deviled eggs . Maggie mashed the potatoes . Beth stirred everything . Every year I say to myself that we should learn to make stuffing from scratch . . . and every year we don 't do it . We wrote what we were thankful for on the muslin cloth . . . I put it on the buffet so that we wouldn 't spill on it . We all wrote ' ' friends and family ' ' on the cloth . I will put it away for next year tomorrow when it has dried . I need to put a note on next years calender where I am putting it , so that I can find it . at We started getting ready for Thanksgiving tonight . We have a tradition of all four of us pealing the potatoes together . We started it years ago . The first year the kids weren 't able to peal many potatoes , but they wanted to try . The next year they were excited to be able to try again . We all sat around the table and the kids all talked about how difficult pealing the potatoes was last year , and how much easier it was this year . Now the kids are old enough to help make another dish for the meal . It is nice to get to teach them to cook and they feel good at the meal that they contributed to helping make it . We are starting a new tradition this year . I heard about this from a friend at church . . . They got a piece of muslin cloth and some cloth pens . Before the Thanksgiving meal they took turns writing on the cloth what they were thankful for , their name and the date . Then the next year they do this again on the same cloth . They said that it is nice to see what each person writes , how the hand writing of the children changes from year to year , and if a relative passes away it is nice to have what they wrote with them at the holiday . It is like having a part of their deceased relative with them . We are going to start this tradition this year . at Monday 11 / 14 / 07 Thanksgiving . . . I like all of the holidays . It bothers me that Thanksgiving is now being pushed aside . The kids are now old enough to like all of the Thanksgiving foods . When they were young they wouldn 't eat mashed potatoes or turkey . Now they like it . Years ago I told the kids that we won 't start decorating for Christmas until all of the Thanksgiving leftovers have been eaten . . . not the left - over turkey that I froze , just what was in the refrigerator . It gives us a chance to think about this thankful holiday for a day or two . This morning in the car Maggie asked ' ' What if we finish all of the left - overs at lunch on Friday , could we put the tree up that same day ? ' ' The kids are really anxious for Christmas to get here this year . I wonder how fast they will eat the left overs ? I need to explain to the kids again that my goal is not to have the left - overs eaten quickly , but to enjoy Thanksgiving . We will see how it goes . at Monday 11 / 12 / 07 Dying blue jeans . . . Beth asked me the other day if it was possible to dye her jeans pink . I said that I didn 't have any idea . She wanted her jeans to match her shirt . We have never dyed anything before . I said that we could get some dye and see if it was possible . On Saturday we went to the Salvation Army store and bought Beth a pair of jeans for $ 4 . 99 . Then we went to the Dollar Store and bought a container with a lid that was big enough to dye jeans in . Neither of these stores sold dye . . . so we went to a third store . This store had dye , but no pink dye . They had ' ' faded white " , brown , black , yellow and purple . Beth chose purple . We came home and dyed the jeans . They are drying right now . The inside tag and the inside of the pockets are purple . We think that the jeans are purple , but we can 't tell if they are purple , or if it is just wishfull thinking on our part . Beth was so excited to do this , I hope that they turn out . at Monday 11 / 12 / 07 William and College . . . William has always wanted to go to college . A few years ago I was saying that he should go to the community college . It has smaller class sizes and might be a good place to start . He said ' ' no ' ' he wants to go to the local four year college . I finally started to agree with him that he was ready for larger class sizes . The other day William mentioned that we were almost out of toothpaste . I went to show him again which cupboard the toothpaste was kept in but he said ' ' no ' ' he would be leaving to go away to college soon and he really didn 't need to know where anything was kept . I said ' ' away ' ' to college ? He has now decided that he would prefer to go away to college . I have always told the kids that anything is possible , as long as you work hard for it . I hadn 't thought that they were listining to me . We were all talking a few days later and William mentioned that he would be gone in about six months . He said that after he finishes high school he will be filling out his college paperwork and leaving . I have never seen so much enthusium in him . ( Where did my little boy who wanted to stay at home go ? ) I tried to explain that most freshmen classes started in the fall quarter and he may be with us all summer . He is so excited about college , which is cool , and he does truely believe that he can start college the day after he graduates from high school . I do wish that he wanted to go to a local college , and live with us . We will miss him so much , but I don 't want to take away any of his excitement and drive . at Friday 11 / 9 / 07 Hobbies for me . . . There are some hobbies that I would like to have if I had some free time . Here are a few of them : I would like to buy a sewing machine that embroiders cute pictures on jeans , like hearts or birds . I could buy jeans at garage sales cheaply and put the designs on them . They could be re - sold at my garage sale for more money . I think that the sewing machine could be programmed by someone else and I would just need to put the correct thread into it . The problem is that the machine will probably cost a lot , and I would have to sell a lot of jeans just to break even . My second idea is making sock dolls . I got a book on making these , and have made one . It took about one evening . The doll is about six inches tall , and really cute . Then I decided to move and didn 't have time to do any more . When I am at the store there are so many cute sox that it is hard to say ' ' move first then get more sox ' ' . at Thursday 11 / 8 / 07 Rock Tumblers . . . Maggie turned twelve this year . She collects rocks with the neighbor boy . Her birthday present was a rock tumbler . It looked like a nice , low maintence gift . It came with a small base that has a small motor in it and a container with a lid to put the rocks in . There were also three kinds of grit to put in to make the rocks progressively smoother . We had a tererible time getting the container to seal closed . The directions said to put a small ammount of vegetable oil between the container and the lid to get a good seal . It kept leaking . After about ten tries we got it sealed . The problem is that the container sits on it 's side in the base as it spins . After we got it sealed we put it in the dining room by the frogs . We needed an open spot by an electrical outlet . When it was turned on it was the loudest thing in the house . We couldn 't talk on the phone or hear the TV , and I am sure that the frogs didn 't like the noise . We moved it to the living room . That was on Friday night . When we went outside we turned it on . . . and back off when we came in . It is now in the kitchen , away from the frogs , the phone and the TV . Maggie really likes the gift and is glad that we found a place for it . at Wednesday 11 / 07 / 07 Zoo . . . We went to the Zoo over the summer . We havn 't gone in ta few years . It was fun to go back again . The reason that we went is because the Zoo had a butterfly exibit . We wanted to see what that was like , all of those graceful , fragile creatures flying around us . When we got there the exibit was a room that was warm with a lot of flowers and plants in it . They also had some bowls with sponges in them . In the bowls was a red liquid . I asked the Zoo person that was in the room what the liquid was . She said that it was red Gatoraid . It attracks the butterflies . We went late in the summer , so there weren 't a huge number of butterflies , but there were a lot . Some did fly onto us . Whe we left there we went and saw the fish and the monkey exibits . It takes us a long time to go through each area , so we don 't see many exibits . at Tuesday 11 / 06 / 07 Postcards . . . The kid 's don 't bring home any homework . At their school they have study hall the last class of the day . Their school set this up so that they can do their homework at school where the teachers can help them if they need it . My kids do need help with hand writing . . . I used to have them keep a journal . Most nights after school , while I am making dinner , they write a few sentences . I have them put the date on it also . They can write about their day , or their favorite toy . . . or anything . Any writing is good . It all helps their handwriting . The journal was only fun for the kids for a while . Now I have them send postcards to their cousins . A postcard only needs about two sentences . This made the kids happy , Their cousins have started writing back . It is cheaper to send a postcard then to send a letter . The stamps are cheaper . Also . . . the Post Office only requires that the postcard be the correct size , not have any folds in it , and be sturdy . It doesn 't make any difference to the Post Office if you make or but the post card . I bought one post card to get the correct size . Then I took some cereal boxes and began tracing and cutting them out . I did need to draw the line on the postcard and tell the kids to only write on the left side of it . If they cross the line there isn 't enough room for the address . Monday 11 / 05 / 07 Winter Jackets . . . About a month ago I started looking for winter jackets for the kids . William has not grown in the last two years and his jacket is still in great shape , so he didn 't need a new one . Maggie and Beth still fit last years jacket , but the jackets will be outgrown before winter is over . I started going to the re - sale shops last month . . . I knew that it was too early , but ' ' the early bird catches the worm ' ' . I was hoping to find jackets their size . It didn 't happen . We need jackets with attached hoods . Not hats that snap on or zip on , but are part of the jacket , permanently sewn on . The kids always end up loosing their hats and on cold days the kids don 't have their ' ' jacket hat ' ' to go over their separate hat . So . . . I kept looking at the shops for jackets in the correct size , with connecting hats and non - frilly for Maggie and frilly for Beth . These types of jackets never came in . We finally went out last Friday to other stores to look for jackets . Before we left we had William try on his gloves to see how big they were so that I could get him gloves that were large enough . I explained to the girls that we needed to find jackets with connecting hats . Off we went . At store one . . . the only jacket that we found that the girls like was not on sale and was out of my price range . At store two , we found a jacket for Maggie . She was wearing a thin fall shirt , so we couldn 't tell if the jacket would fit in the winter over sweaters . She tried on two sweaters and then put the jacket on to check the size . It fit . We also got her a hat and gloves . At the third store . . . ok , I was tired now . I don 't like to shop and was willing to change my mind on the ' ' connecting hat ' ' idea just to let us go home . . . Beth couldn 't find a jacket . She said that none of the ones that she liked had connecting hats . I wanted to tell her that I had changed my mind , but they had listened to my directions so I didn 't want to say anything . At the fourth store , Beth found a jacket . She also tried on two sweaters with it . . They can still wear last years jackets for a while , but I feel better now that I know that they are all set for the whole winter . We can look at boots another day . at Friday 11 / 02 / 07 One more ' ' getting ready for Halloween ' ' story . . . We bought pumpkins . It took a while to find ones that had a smooth side . We usually carve the pumpkins on the kitchen floor . The mess ends up on the floor any way , so we might as well start there . First , we put down newspaper . I keep a bag of old newspapers in the basement , but because everything was moved to paint the basement walls , we couldn 't find them . We put down un - opened garbage bags instead . William wanted us to get him a pumpkin , but he didn 't want to carve it . The girls drew faces on their pumpkins with a pen , and then I cut the faces out . They had a great time stirring the bowl of seeds . Maggie did a cat and Beth did a princess . I bought candy that same day . The kids wanted ' ' kid ' ' candy , so I bought candy that adults wouldn 't eat . We don 't have any Hershey 's with Almonds or M & M 's . at Thursday 11 / 01 / 07 Mulch . . . I have been buying mulch now and then to put in the yard just before the house is listed . If the bags of mulch at the store are broken , a lot of times the stores will sell them for half price . The stores will put the broken bag into another bag so that the mulch won 't spill out into the customers car . I get the same ammount of mulch for half the price . I was buying whatever mulch bags were broken . The problem is that I wound up with red mulch between mine and my neighbors garage , black mulch along the house and brown mulch in the front yard . The yard did look better than it did before the mulch , but it still looked bad . The next time that I went to the store I looked at all of the kinds of mulch . More of them were black then any other color . So now I only buy black or or very dark mulch . The origional multi - color mulch has faded . We are now ready to add more mulch to the yard . I have an assortment of mulches that I have bought over the months , all dark colors . Between the garages I have schreded bark . Along the house and in the front yard there are what looks like bigger chuncks of bark . The yard looks better now that it is all one color . I did get two yellow mums for the front yard . They were so pretty in the store . They have been planted on each side of the front steps . About two days after they were planted all of the blooms started to turn brown . I began to pinch the blooms off . I don 't want the plant 's energy to go into dying blooms . After about a week , all of the blooms had turned brown and were pinched off . Underneath are the new blooms that arn 't ready to open . I planted these two flowers about a month ago . I don 't know if it is too late for the new blooms . The leaves still look healthy . Maybe they will wait and bloom next year . at Wednesday 10 / 31 / 07 Halloween . . . The kids went trick - or - treating tonight . William said that he didn 't want to go and he didn 't want to share their candy . He wasn 't upset . . . he just wasn 't interested . When it was time to go trick - or - treating I asked William if he wanted to go with us , just up and down our street . I knew that he had already said ' ' no ' ' but I wanted to make sure that he felt welcome . He said ' ' yes ' ' . I was so suprised . He put his shoes and jacket right on and went outside . There were four houses on our street with lights on . After we went to those houses , he said that he wanted to go along . . . just to watch . . . and maybe he could bring a bag . Horray ! ! ! I am always so glad when William chooses to go with us . He ran into the house to get a bag . It is so different now that he is eighteen years old . He needs and can handle some time alone . . . but we miss him . We have always been a close family , and it is odd . . . different . . . strange . . . not to have him with us . Tuesday 10 / 30 / 07 Trick - or - treating . . . We went trick - or - treating last Saturday night at a local park . William didn 't want to go with us . I took the girls . We did have fun , but the girls and I miss William . The park has a small lake in the center of it . There were tables all around the lake with people at them giving out candy . We must have stopped at thirty tables . Maggie went in an armed forces uniform , and Beth went as a cowgirl . The park supplied all of the candy and local groups or churches had people at the tables in costume to hand out the candy . When we left the house to go to the park I had the girls put on winter coats and hats . . . because I 'm always cold , I think that everyone else is cold too . When we stepped out of the house it was nice out , no hat needed and jackets could be unzipped . I didn 't say anything about the weather and we left for the park . When we got to the park it was still warm out , lots of the other kids didn 't have any jackets . . . but my kids looked like they were ready for winter . After we were there for about fifteen minutes , the wind started to blow and it got cold . Then I wished that we had brought gloves . The most popular costume was the cat . Big kids and small kids were cats . I saw a lot of witches too . The most unique ones that I saw was a McDonalds Coca - Cola cup and a giant chicken . I enjoyed tha walk around the lake . Monday 10 / 29 / 07 William 's birthday . . . We celebrated William 's birthday on Saturday . It went well . My mom and brother came over to celebrate . The lunch was at 2 : 00 . That gave us plenty of time to pick up the house , do the laundry and make sandwiches for next weeks lunches . . . peanut butter and jelly and bologna and cheese freeze well and are still OK after one week of being frozen . William wanted to move his computer from the dining room to his room . He does not have access to the internet or any games that I wouldn 't approve of . . . so I said OK . He wanted it moved so that at night when he went to his room , he could still play on it . William got the whole computer moved and he and I moved the desk , then he realized that he has a three prong plug and two prong outlets . I never thought to look at his outlets before the computer was moved . I felt so bad that the computer couldn 't be used . William didn 't want to move the computer back to the dining room so I will buy him an extension cord to plug it in in the bathroom . How long can the cord be ? Is 10 - 15 feet too long ? at We are celebrating William 's birthday tomorrow . He will be 18 . His birthday is next week , but it is more relaxing to celebrate on weekends . We have dinner . . or lunch . . then have cake . . . or pie . . . and ice cream . Next we measure the birthday child on the measuring stick . Last is the presents . We tried having the presents earlier , but it was hard to get the kids to have cake or get measured after they had the gift in their hands . We use a measuring stick . It is a piece of wood from the lumber yard that is 6 feet long and smooth on all sides . This was chosen when the kids were little , because we were in an apartment , and I wanted the stick to move with us . It has worked really well except for the year that it wasn 't put flat on the floor and it warped . For the next few years , the measurements were a bit off because the board was curved . Now it is almost straight again and the measurements are closer to reality . at Thursday 10 / 25 / 07 Yesterday 's post continued . . . Yesterday 's posting said that I want to move but the house needed painted . The closet , the deck and the bedroom could never have that ' ' all over ' ' ' ' just - about - to be - sold - look ' ' . The basement had been painted by a previous owner . One of the walls still looked clean and white . The other three had paint pealing off of them . I don 't have water problems with my walls , but it looked like I did . The realitor said that everyone would assume that the basement has water problems . Scraping the basement was the worst . Everything had to be moved away from the walls . The washer and dryer couldn 't be used until the paint behind them was dry . I painted behind them first . The worst part was scraping and painting under the stairs . I was going to skip that area , but with the rest of the basement looking so clean , that area really stuck out . I painted it . I have now finished painting , except for one small unused heater that I would like to put rustoleum on . We now need to get things to storage . I have been going to the grocery store to get boxes . But . . . the problem now is that it is getting colder . I have two rooms that were added on to the house . I don 't think that any insulation was added . Also . . . the windows now need plastic on them . Will the house sell with two cold rooms and plastic on the windows ? Lots of people have plastic on their windows , they just don 't sell their house with plastic on the windows . I would like to insulate the two rooms before we move . Especially if we stay here another winter . at Wednesday 10 / 24 / 07 I would like to move . . . I want to move to a different house , to get the kids into better schools . I had looked in other areas when I bought this house , but I couldn 't wait long enough for a house in my price range to come onto the market . I started painting the inside of this house last year . I painted the chair - rail in the dining room , around the living room windows and the wood around the living room outside door a blue gray . It is mostly blue and not bright at all . The kitchen ceiling and walls also got painted . Then I called the realitor this summer to list the house and was told that one of the upstairs closets needed painted , one of the bedrooms needed painted , the back porch ( deck ) needed painted and also the basement . All of these rooms did need paint , and I am glad that I have finished them . I still have not listed the house at Monday 10 / 22 / 07 - Cutting the front yard tree down There has always been a small puddle in the street in front of my house . One day the water started flowing out of the crack in the street . The city came and put an orange cone by it . A few days later , when we came home the city workers were in front of my house taking away the last part of the huge tree that stood between the sidewalk and the street . They had two huge double dump trucks ( one dump truck pulling another ) . All four trucks were full . They said that when they start to cut open the street to repair the leak , they couldn 't risk cutting a root and hurting the tree . If the tree had fallen on my house , it would have destroyed most of my house . I was glad that they were being careful , but sad to see the tree go . The gas company had also come and marked where their lines were . A few days later another group came and cut open the street . When the repair work was done , they said that it was a large pipe that took all of the water from the neighborhood by us . They were able to put bands around the pipe and not replace it . He said that if it had not been fixed there would have been enough water pressure to take out the front of my house . They put a black - top patch over the road ( this was at the end of last fall ) When they cut the area of the road , they also took out the curb . I was glad that it was fixed , but it looked awful . The man said that it was too cold to put cement in , it wouldn 't dry . They would come back in the spring to fix it correctly . I was upset . I was starting to think about moving my family to a new house and the road in front of my house was all patched up . I decided not to panic . They might come back and repair it before we moved . I still needed to do a lot of painting inside , and take items to storage . . . so that we didn 't look so cluttered . The City people came back in the spring , fixed the street and the curb . There was still a ditch between the yard and the new curb . After the curb dried they came back and filled in the ditch with dirt and seeded it . It settled . They came back again and added more dirt and added more grass seed . I had been so worried , and now it looks so nice . Saturday 10 / 20 / 07 - Hello Hello , I 'm back . I can 't get into my previous blog ' ' joycerowley . blogspot . com ' ' , so I had to start a new one . If I can figure out how , I will get all of the posts onto one blog .

Eric was night , and batu was day . The girl , Charley , was the moon . Every night , she drove past the All - Night in her long , noisy , green Chevy , a dog hanging out the passenger window . It wasn 't ever the same dog , although they all had the same blissful expression . They were doomed , but they didn 't know it . The All - Night Convenience was a fully stocked , self - sufficient organism , like the Starship Enterprise , or the Kon - Tiki . Batu went on and on about this . They didn 't work retail anymore . They were on a voyage of discovery , one in which they had no need to leave the All - Night , not even to do laundry . Batu washed his pajamas and the extra uniforms in the sink in the back . He even washed Eric 's clothes . That was the kind of friend Batu was . All during his shift , Eric listened for Charley 's car . First she went by on her way to the shelter and then , during her shift , she took the dogs out driving , past the store first in one direction and then back again , two or three times in one night , the lights of her headlights picking out the long , black gap of the Ausible Chasm , a bright slap across the windows of the All - Night . Eric 's heart lifted whenever a car went past . Charley looked like someone from a Greek play , Electra , or Cassandra . She looked like someone had just set her favorite city on fire . Eric had thought that , even before he knew about the dogs . Sometimes , when she didn 't have a dog in the Chevy , Charley came into the All - Night Convenience to buy a Mountain Dew , and then she and Batu would go outside to sit on the curb . Batu was teaching her Turkish . Sometimes Eric went outside as well , to smoke a cigarette . He didn 't really smoke , but it meant he got to look at Charley , the way the moonlight sat on her like a hand . Sometimes she looked back . Wind would rise up , out of the Ausible Chasm , across Ausible Chasm Road , into the parking lot of the All - Night , tugging at Batu 's pajama bottoms , pulling away the cigarette smoke that hung out of Eric 's mouth . Charley 's bangs would float up off her forehead , until she clamped them down with her fingers . Batu said he was not flirting . He didn 't have a thing for Charley . He was interested in her because Eric was interested . Batu wanted to know what Charley 's story was : he said he needed to know if she was good enough for Eric , for the All - Night Convenience . There was a lot at stake . What Eric wanted to know was , why did Batu have so many pajamas ? But Eric didn 't want to seem nosy . There wasn 't a lot of space in the All - Night . If Batu wanted Eric to know about the pajamas , then one day he 'd tell him . It was as simple as that . Eric had even rehearsed the start of a conversation . Charley would say , " Where 's Batu ? " and Eric would say , " Asleep . " Or even , " Sleeping in the closet . " Charley 's story : she worked night shifts at the animal shelter . Every night , when Charley got to work , she checked the list to see which dogs were on the schedule . She took the dogs - any that weren 't too ill , or too mean - out for one last drive around town . Then she drove them back and she put them to sleep . She did this with an injection . She sat on the floor and petted them until they weren 't breathing anymore . " I 'm supposed to give you what you want , " Eric said , " and then you give me what you want to give me . It doesn 't have to be about money . It doesn 't even have to be something , you know , tangible . Sometimes people tell Batu their dreams if they don 't have anything interesting in their wallets . " " All I want is a Mountain Dew , " Charley said . But she must have seen the panic on Eric 's face , and she dug in her pocket . Instead of change , she pulled out a set of dog tags and plunked it down on the counter . " This dog is no longer alive , " she said . " It wasn 't a very big dog , and I think it was part Chihuahua and part collie , and how pitiful is that . You should have seen it . Its owner brought it in because it would jump up on her bed in the morning , lick her face , and get so excited that it would pee . I don 't know , maybe she thought someone else would want to adopt an ugly little bedwetting dog , but nobody did , and so now it 's not alive anymore . I killed it . " " I 'm sorry , " Eric said . Charley leaned her elbows against the counter . She was so close , he could smell her smell : chemical , burnt , doggy . There were dog hairs on her clothes . When Eric looked at her , he saw that that city was still on fire . It was still burning down , and Charley was watching it burn . She was still holding the dog tags . She let go and they lay there on the counter until Eric picked them up and put them in the register . " This is all Batu 's idea , " Charley said . " Right ? " She went outside and sat on the curb , and in a while Batu came out of the storage closet and went outside as well . Batu 's pajama bottoms were silk . There were smiling hydrocephalic cartoon cats on them , and the cats carried children in their mouths . Either the children were mouse - sized , or the cats were bear - sized . The children were either screaming or laughing . Batu 's pajama top was red flannel , faded , with guillotines , and heads in baskets . Eric stayed inside . He leaned his face against the window every once in a while , as if he could hear what they were saying . But even if he could have heard them , he guessed he wouldn 't have understood . The shapes their mouths made were shaped like Turkish words . Eric hoped they were talking about retail . The way the All - Night worked at the moment was Batu 's idea . They sized up the customers before they got to the counter - that had always been part of retail . If the customer was the right sort , then Batu or Eric gave the customer what they said they needed , and the customer paid with money sometimes , and sometimes with other things : pot , books on tape , souvenir maple syrup tins . They were near the border . They got a lot of Canadians . Eric suspected someone , maybe a traveling Canadian pajama salesman , was supplying Batu with novelty pajamas . What Eric thought about saying to Charley : " If you 're going away , take me with you . I 'm about to be twenty years old , and I 've never been to college . I sleep days in a storage closet , wearing someone else 's pajamas . I 've worked retail jobs since I was sixteen . I know people are hateful . If you need to bite someone , you can bite me . " Charley drives by . There is a little black dog in the passenger window , leaning out to swallow the fast air . There is a yellow dog . An Irish setter . A Doberman . Akitas . Charley has rolled the window so far down that these dogs could jump out , if they wanted , when she stops the car at a light . But the dogs don 't jump . So Charley drives them back again . Batu said it was clear Charley had a great capacity for hating , and also a great capacity for love . Charley 's hatred was seasonal : in the months after Christmas , Christmas puppies started growing up . People got tired of trying to house - train them . All February , all March , Charley hated people . She hated people in December too , just for practice . Being in love , Batu said , like working retail , meant that you had to settle for being hated , at least part of the year . That was what the months after Christmas were all about . Neither system - not love , not retail - was perfect . When you looked at dogs , you saw this , that love didn 't work . Batu said it was likely that Charley , both her person and her Chevy , were infested with dog ghosts . These ghosts were different from the zombies . Nonhuman ghosts , he said , were the most difficult of all ghosts to dislodge , and dogs were worst of all . There is nothing as persistent , as loyal , as clingy as a dog . Eric woke up and found it was dark . It was always dark when he woke up , and this was always a surprise . There was a little window on the back wall of the storage closet , which framed the dark like a picture . You could feel the cold night air propping up the walls of the All - Night , thick and wet as glue . All day long , in Eric 's dreams , store managers had arrived , one after another , announced themselves , expressed dismay at the way Batu had reinvented - compromised - convenience retail . In Eric 's dream , Batu had put his large , handsome arm over the shoulder of the store managers , promised to explain everything in a satisfactory manner , if they would only come and see . The store managers had all gone , in a docile , trusting way , trotting after Batu , across the road , looking both ways , to the edge of the Ausible Chasm . They stood there , in Eric 's dream , peering down into the Chasm , and then Batu had given them a little push , a small push , and that was the end of that store manager , and Batu walked back across the road to wait for the next store manager . It was the middle of February , and there was snow in the All - Night parking lot . Batu was clearing the parking lot , carrying shovelfuls of snow across the road , dumping the snow into the Ausible Chasm . Eric went outside for a smoke and watched . He didn 't offer to help . He was still upset about the way Batu had behaved in his dream . There was no moon , but the snow was lit by its own whiteness . There was the shadowy figure of Batu , carrying in front of him the shadowy scoop of the shovel , full of snow , like an enormous spoon full of falling light , which was still falling all around them . The snow came down , and Eric 's smoke went up and up . He walked across the road to where Batu stood , peering down into the Ausible Chasm . Down in the Chasm , it was no darker than the kind of dark the rest of the world , including Eric , especially Eric , was used to . Snow fell into the Chasm , the way snow fell on the rest of the world . And yet there was a wind coming out of the Chasm that worried Eric . " Zombie Land , " Eric said . He could almost taste it . " Zomburbia . They have everything down there . There 's even supposed to be a drive - in movie theater down there , somewhere , that shows old black - and - white horror movies , all night long . Zombie churches with AA meetings for zombies , down in the basements , every Thursday night . " " I never went to college . I 've never even been to Canada , " Eric said . " Not even when I was in high school , to buy beer . " All night the zombies came out of the Chasm , holding handfuls of snow . They carried the snow across the road , and into the parking lot , and left it there . Batu was back in the closet , sending off faxes , and Eric was glad about this , that Batu couldn 't see what the zombies were up to . This man had a tattoo of a mermaid coiled around his meaty forearm , and even this mermaid had an unpleasant look to her : scaly , corseted bottom ; tiny black dot eyes ; a sour , fangy smile . Charley said it was as if even the mermaid were telling her to bite the arm , and so she did . When she did , the dog went nuts . The guy dropped its leash . He was trying to get Charley off his arm . The dog , misunderstanding the situation , or rather , understanding the situation , but not the larger situation , had grabbed Charley by her leg , sticking its teeth into her calf . Charley 's boss at the shelter was going to fire her , anytime soon - in fact , he had fired her . But they hadn 't found someone to take her shift yet , and so she was working there , for a few more days , under a different name . Everyone at the shelter understood why she 'd had to bite the man . " When a bear hibernates , " she told Batu and Eric , " it sleeps all winter and never goes to the bathroom . So when she wakes up in spring , she 's really constipated . The first thing she does is take this really painful shit . And then she goes and jumps in a river . She 's really pissed off now , about everything . When she comes out of the river , she 's covered in ice . It 's like armor . She goes on a rampage and she 's wearing armor . Isn 't that great ? That bear can take a bite out of anything it wants . " The snow kept falling . Sometimes it stopped . Charley came by . Eric had bad dreams . Batu did not go to bed . When the zombies came in , he followed them around the store , taking notes . The zombies didn 't care at all . They were done with all that . Batu was wearing Eric 's favorite pajamas . These were blue , and had towering Hokusai - style white - blue waves , and up on the waves , there were boats with owls looking owlish . If you looked closely , you could see that the owls were gripping newspapers in their wings , and if you looked even closer , you could read the date and the headline : Batu had spent a lot of time reorganizing the candy aisle according to chewiness and meltiness . The week before , he had arranged it so that if you took the first letter of every candy , reading across from left to right , and then down , it had spelled out the first sentence of To Kill a Mockingbird , and then also a line of Turkish poetry . Something about the moon . The zombies came and went , and Batu put his notebook away . He said , " I 'm going to go ahead and put jerky with Sugar Daddies . It 's almost a candy . It 's very chewy . About as chewy as you can get . Chewy Meat gum . " " Squeezable Pork . It 's on your mind , it 's in your mouth , it 's pork . Remember that ad campaign ? She can come live with us , " Batu said . It was the same old speech , only a little more urgent each time he gave it . " The All - Night needs women , especially women like Charley . She falls in love with you , I don 't mind one bit . " " What about me ? " Batu said . " Charley and I have the Turkish language . That 's enough . Tell me something I need . I don 't even need sleep ! " Batu said , " The All - Night is a great place to raise a family . Everything you need , right here . Diapers , Vienna sausages , grape - scented Magic Markers , Moon Pies - kids like Moon Pies - and then one day , when they 're tall enough , we teach them how to operate the register . " " There are laws against that , " Eric said . " Mars needs women . Not the All - Night . And we 're running out of Moon Pies . " He turned his back on Batu . For example , ocean liners navigating icebergs on a pair of pajama bottoms . A man with an enormous pair of scissors , running after women whose long hair whips out behind them like red and yellow flags , they are moving so fast . Spiderwebs with houses stuck to them . Batu 's eyes were closed , although that doesn 't necessarily mean he was asleep . The woman stood and flicked through magazines , and then at some point she realized that the man standing there with his eyes closed was wearing pajamas . She stopped reading through People magazine and started reading Batu 's pajamas instead . Then she gasped , and poked Batu with a skinny finger . " You 're wearing my diary , " the woman said . Her voice went up and up in a wail . " That 's my handwriting ! That 's the diary that I kept when I was fourteen ! But it had a lock on it , and I hid it under my mattress , and I never let anyone read it . Nobody ever read it ! " Batu held out his arm . " That 's not true , " he said . " I 've read it . You have very nice handwriting . Very distinctive . My favorite part is when - " " I don 't know , " Batu said . " The thing is , I thought she looked familiar ! And I was right . Hah ! What are the odds , you think , the woman who kept that diary coming in the store like that ? " Batu had originally worked Tuesday through Saturday , second shift . Now he was all day , every day . Eric worked all night , all nights . They didn 't need anyone else , except maybe Charley . What had happened was this . One of the managers had left , supposedly to have a baby , although she had not looked in the least bit pregnant , Batu said , and besides , it was clearly not Batu 's kid , because of the vasectomy . Then , shortly after the incident with the man in the trench coat , the other manager had quit , claiming to be sick of that kind of shit . No one was sent to replace him , so Batu had stepped in . The door rang and a customer came into the store . Canadian . Not a zombie . Eric turned around in time to see Batu duck down , slipping around the corner of the candy aisle , and heading towards the storage closet . The customer bought a Mountain Dew , Eric too disheartened to explain that cash was no longer necessary . He could feel Batu , fretting , in the storage closet , listening to this old - style retail transaction . When the customer was gone , Batu came out again . " It was a bad idea in the first place , " Batu said . He gestured towards the parking lot and the Ausible Chasm . " Not enough steady business . " " So why do we stay here ? " Eric said . " How do we change the face of retail if nobody ever comes in here except joggers and truckers and zombies and Canadians ? I mean , I tried to explain about how new - style retail worked , the other night - to this woman - and she told me to fuck off . She acted like I was insane . " " The customer isn 't always right . Sometimes the customer is an asshole . That 's the first rule of retail , " Batu said . " But it 's not like anywhere else is better . I used to work for the CIA . Believe me , this is better . " " We used to go to this bar , sometimes , me and the people I worked with , " Batu said . " Only we have to pretend that we don 't know each other . No fraternizing . So we all sit there , along the bar , and don 't say a word to each other . All these guys , all of us , we could speak maybe five hundred languages , dialects , whatever , between us . But we don 't talk in this bar . Just sit and drink and sit and drink . Used to drive the bartender crazy . We used to leave nice tips . Didn 't matter to him . " " Do I look like a killer ? " Batu said , standing there in his pajamas , rumpled and red - eyed . When Eric burst out laughing , he smiled and yawned and scratched his head . Around this same time , Batu 's girlfriend had kicked him out , and with Eric 's permission , he had moved into the storage closet . That had been just before Christmas , and it was a few days after Christmas when Eric 's mother lost her job as a security guard at the mall and decided she was going to go find Eric 's father . She 'd gone hunting online , and made a list of names she thought he might be going under . She had addresses as well . Eric wasn 't sure what she was going to do if she found his father , and he didn 't think she knew , either . She said she just wanted to talk , but Eric knew she kept a gun in the glove compartment of her car . Before she left , Eric had copied down her list of names and addresses , and sent out Christmas cards to all of them . It was the first time he 'd ever had a reason to send out Christmas cards , and it had been difficult , finding the right things to say in them , especially since they probably weren 't his father , no matter what his mother thought . Not all of them , anyway . The rent was still paid through the end of January , but after his mother left , Eric had worked longer and longer hours at the store , and then , one morning , he didn 't bother going home . The All - Night , and Batu , they needed him . Batu said this attitude showed Eric was destined for great things at the All - Night . Every night Batu sent off faxes to the World Weekly News , and to the National Enquirer , and to the New York Times . These faxes concerned the Ausible Chasm and the zombies . Someday someone would send reporters . It was all part of the plan , which was going to change the way retail worked . It was going to be a whole different world , and Eric and Batu were going to be right there at the beginning . They were going to be famous heroes . Revolutionaries . Heroes of the revolution . Batu said that Eric didn 't need to understand that part of the plan yet . It was essential to the plan that Eric didn 't ask questions . The zombies didn 't talk at all , or they said things that didn 't make sense . " Wooden hat , " one zombie said to Eric , " Glass leg . Drove around all day in my wife . Did you ever hear me on the radio ? " They tried to pay Eric for things that the All - Night didn 't sell . Real people , the ones who weren 't heading towards Canada or away from Canada , mostly had better things to do than drive out to the All - Night at 3 a . m . So real people , in a way , were even weirder , when they came in . Eric kept a close eye on the real people . Once a guy had pulled a gun on him - there was no way to understand that , but , on the other hand , you knew exactly what was going on . With the zombies , who knew ? Not even Batu knew what the zombies were up to . Sometimes he said that they were just another thing you had to deal with in retail . They were the kind of customer that you couldn 't ever satisfy , the kind of customer who wanted something you couldn 't give them , who had no other currency , except currency that was sinister , unwholesome , confusing , and probably dangerous . Meanwhile , the things that the zombies tried to purchase were plainly things that they had brought with them into the store - things that had fallen , or been thrown into the Ausible Chasm , like pieces of safety glass . Rocks from the bottom of Ausible Chasm . Beetles . The zombies liked shiny things , broken things , trash like empty soda bottles , handfuls of leaves , sticky dirt , dirty sticks . Eric thought maybe Batu had it wrong . Maybe it wasn 't supposed to be a transaction . Maybe the zombies just wanted to give Eric something . But what was he going to do with their leaves ? Why him ? What was he supposed to give them in return ? The zombie customers made Eric feel guilty . He hadn 't been trying hard enough . The zombies were never rude , or impatient , or tried to shoplift things . He hoped that they found what they were looking for . After all , he would be dead someday too , and on the other side of the counter . It wasn 't just the zombies . Weird stuff happened in the middle of the day too . When there were still managers and other employers , once , on Batu 's shift , a guy had come in wearing a trench coat and a hat . Outside , it must have been ninety degrees , and Batu admitted he had felt a little spooked about the trench coat thing , but there was another customer , a jogger , poking at the bottled waters to see which were coldest . Trench - coat guy walked around the store , putting candy bars and safety razors in his pockets , like he was getting ready for Halloween . Batu had thought about punching the alarm . " Sir ? " he said . " Excuse me , sir ? " The man walked up and stood in front of the counter . Batu couldn 't take his eyes off the trench coat . It was like the guy was wearing an electric fan strapped to his chest , under the trench coat , and the fan was blowing things around underneath . You could hear the fan buzzing . It made sense , Batu had thought : this guy had his own air - conditioning unit under there . Pretty neat , although you still wouldn 't want to go trick - or - treating at this guy 's house . " Hot enough for you ? " the man said , and Batu saw that this guy was sweating . He twitched , and a bee flew out of the gray trench coat sleeve . Batu and the man both watched it fly away . Then the man opened his trench coat , flapped his arms , gently , gently , and the bees inside his trench coat began to leave the man in long , clotted , furious trails , until the whole store was vibrating with clouds of bees . Batu ducked under the counter . Trench - coat man , bee guy , reached over the counter , dinged the register in a calm and experienced way so that the drawer popped open , and scooped all the bills out of the till . Then he walked back out again and left all his bees . He got in his car and drove away . That 's the way that all All - Night stories end , with someone driving away . But they had to get a beekeeper to come in , to smoke the bees out . Batu got stung three times , once on the lip , once on his stomach , and once when he put his hand into the register and found no money , only a bee . The jogger sued the All - Night parent company for a lot of money , and Batu and Eric didn 't know what had happened with that . Eric has been having this dream recently . In the dream , he 's up behind the counter in the All - Night , and then his father is walking down the aisle of the All - Night , past the racks of magazines and towards the counter , his father 's hands full of stones from the Ausible Chasm . Which is ridiculous : his father is alive , and not only that , but living in another state , maybe in a different time zone , probably under a different name . " I 'm sorry if it upsets you , but it was definitely your father , " Batu said . " You look just like him . If I dream about him again , what do you want me to do ? Ignore him ? Pretend he isn 't there ? " Eric never knew when Batu was pulling his leg . Dreams could be a touchy subject . Eric thought maybe Batu was nostalgic about sleeping , maybe Batu collected pajamas in the way that people nostalgic about their childhoods collected toys . Another dream , one that Eric hasn 't told Batu about . In this dream , Charley comes in . She wants to buy a Mountain Dew , but then Eric realizes that all the Mountain Dews have little drowned dogs floating in them . You can win a prize if you drink one of the dog sodas . When Charley gets up to the counter with an armful of doggy Mountain Dews , Eric realizes that he 's got one of Batu 's pajama tops on , one of the inside - out ones . Things are rubbing against his arms , his back , his stomach , transferring themselves like tattoos to his skin . " You need to make your move , " Batu said . He said it over and over , day after day , until Eric was sick of hearing it . " Any day now , the shelter is going to find someone to replace her , and Charley will split . Tell you what you should do , you tell her you want to adopt a dog . Give it a home . We 've got room here . Dogs are good practice for when you and Charley are parents . " " How do you know ? " Eric said . He knew he sounded exasperated . He couldn 't help it . " That makes no sense at all . If dogs are good practice , then what kind of mother is Charley going to be ? What are you saying ? So say Charley has a kid , you 're saying she 's going to put it down if it cries at night or wets the bed ? " " That 's not what I 'm saying at all , " Batu said . " The only thing I 'm worried about , Eric , really , is whether or not Charley may be too old . It takes longer to have kids when you 're her age . Things can go wrong . " " How old do you think she is ? " Batu said . " So what do you think ? Should the toothpaste and the condiments go next to the Elmer 's glue and the hair gel and lubricants ? Make a shelf of sticky things ? Or should I put it with the chewing tobacco and the mouthwash , and make a little display of things that you spit ? " " Sure , " Eric said . " Make a little display . I don 't know how old Charley is , maybe she 's my age ? Nineteen ? A little older ? " Batu looked pleased . " You know , since I started sleeping less , I think I 've stopped getting older . I may be getting younger . You keep on getting a good night 's sleep , and we 're going to be the same age pretty soon . Come take a look at this and tell me what you think . " " Not bad , " Eric said . " We could put watermelons with this stuff too , if we had watermelons . The kind with seeds . What 's the point of seedless watermelons ? " " It 's not such a big deal , " Batu said . He knelt down in the aisle , marking off inventory on his clipboard . " No big thing if Charley 's older than you think . Nothing wrong with older women . And it 's good you 're not bothered about the ghost dogs or the biting thing . Everyone 's got problems . The only real concern I have is about her car . " " Well , " Batu said . " It isn 't a problem if she 's going to live here . She can park it here for as long as she wants . That 's what the parking lot is for . But whatever you do : if she invites you to go for a ride , don 't go for a ride . " " Think about it , " Batu said . " All those dog ghosts . " He scooted down the aisle on his butt . Eric followed . " Every time she drives by here with some poor dog , that dog is doomed . That car is bad luck . The passenger side especially . You want to stay out of that car . I 'd rather climb down into the Ausible Chasm . " Something cleared its throat ; a zombie had come into the store . It stood behind Batu , looking down at him . Batu looked up . Eric retreated down the aisle , towards the counter . " And who will be fired out of the cannon ? " the zombie said . It was wearing a suit and tie . " My brother will be fired out of the cannon . " " Why can 't you talk like sensible people ? " Batu said , turning around and looking up . Sitting on the floor , he sounded as if he were about to cry . He swatted at the zombie . The zombie coughed again , yawning . It grimaced at them . Something was snagged on its gray lips now , and the zombie put up its hand . It tugged , dragging at the thing in its mouth , coughing out a black , glistening , wadded rope . The zombie 's mouth stayed open , as if to show that there was nothing else in there , even as it held the wet black rope out to Batu . The wet thing hung down from its hands and became pajamas . Batu looked back at Eric . " I don 't want them , " he said . He looked shy . " What should I do ? " Eric said . He hovered by the magazines . Charlize Theron was grinning at him , as if she knew something he didn 't . " You shouldn 't be here . " It wasn 't clear to Eric whether Batu was speaking to the zombie . " I have all the pajamas I need . " There was another zombie in the store now . The first zombie took Batu 's arms and the second zombie took Batu 's feet . They dragged him down the aisle and toward the storage closet . Eric came out from behind the counter . But the zombies had Batu in the closet . They put the black pajamas on him , yanking them over the other pair of pajamas . They lifted Batu up onto the mattress , and pulled the blanket over him , up to his chin . Eric followed the zombies out of the storage closet . He shut the door behind him . " So I guess he 's going to sleep for a while , " he said . " That 's a good thing , right ? He needed to get some sleep . So how did you do that with the pajamas ? Is there some kind of freaky pajama factory down there ? " The zombies ignored Eric . They held hands and went down the aisles , stopping to consider candy bars and Tampax and toilet paper and all the things that you spit . They wouldn 't buy anything . They never did . Eric went back to the counter . He wished , very badly , that his mother still lived in their apartment . He would have liked to call someone . He sat behind the register for a while , looking through the phone book , just in case he came across someone 's name and it seemed like a good idea to call them . Then he went back to the storage closet and looked at Batu . Batu was snoring . His eyelids twitched , and there was a tiny , knowing smile on his face , as if he were dreaming , and everything was being explained to him , at last , in this dream . It was hard to feel worried about someone who looked like that . Eric would have been jealous , except he knew that no one ever managed to hold on to those explanations , once you woke up . Not even Batu . Charley came by at the beginning of her shift . She didn 't come inside the All - Night . Instead she stood out in the parking lot , beside her car , looking out across the road , at the Ausible Chasm . The car hung low to the ground , as if the trunk were full of things . When Eric went outside , he saw that there was a suitcase in the backseat . If there were ghost dogs , Eric couldn 't see them , but there were doggy smudges on the windows . " Good , " Eric said . " Normal is good . " He stood and looked at his feet . A zombie wandered into the parking lot . It nodded at them , and went into the All - Night . " In a bit , " Eric said . " It 's not like they ever buy anything . " But he kept an eye on the All - Night , and the zombie , in case it headed towards the storage closet . " Are you flirting with me ? " Charley said . " Yes ? No ? How about in dog years ? How old would you say I am in dog years ? " The zombie finished looking for whatever it was looking for inside the All - Night . It came outside and nodded to Charley and Eric . " Beautiful people , " it said . " Why won 't you ever visit my hand ? " " The thing I think about sometimes , " Charley said , " is whether or not they have animal shelters , and if someone has to look after the dogs . If someone has to have a job where they put down dogs down there . And if you do put dogs to sleep , down there , then where do they wake up ? " " I like him too , " Charley said . " But I don 't want to live in a convenience store . No offense . I 'm sure it 's nice . " " There are worse jobs , " Charley said . She leaned against her Chevy . " Maybe I 'll stop by later tonight . We could always go for a long ride , go somewhere else , and talk about retail . " " Like where ? Where are you going ? " Eric said . " Are you thinking about going to Turkey ? Is that why Batu is teaching you Turkish ? " He wanted to stand there and ask Charley questions all night long . " I want to learn Turkish so that when I go somewhere else I can pretend to be Turkish . I can pretend I only speak Turkish . That way no one will bother me , " Charley said . " Oh , " Eric said . " Good plan . We could always go somewhere and not talk , if you want to practice . Or I could talk to you , and you could pretend you don 't understand what I 'm saying . We don 't have to go for a ride . We could just go across the road , go down into the Chasm . I 've never been down there . " " No , wait , " Eric said . " I do want to come with you . We can go for a ride . It 's just that Batu 's asleep . Someone has to look after him . Someone has to be awake to sell stuff . " " Batu says the All - Night is thinking about opening up another store , down there , " Charley said , waving across the road . " You and he are this big experiment in retail , according to him . Once the All - Night figures out what dead people want to buy , it 's going to be like the discovery of America all over again . " " It 's not like that , " Eric said . He could feel his voice going up at the end , as if it were a question . He could almost smell what Batu meant about Charley 's car . The ghosts , those dogs , were getting impatient . You could tell that . They were tired of the parking lot , they wanted to be going for a ride . " You don 't understand . I don 't think you understand ? " " Batu said that you have a real way with dead people , " Charley said . " Most retail clerks flip out . Of course , you 're from around here . Plus you 're young . You probably don 't even understand about death yet . You 're just like my dogs . " " You shouldn 't let Batu mess you around so much , " Charley said . " I shouldn 't be saying all this , I know . Batu and I are friends . But we could be friends too , you and me . You 're sweet . It 's okay that you don 't talk much , although this is okay too , us talking . Why don 't you come for a drive with me ? " If there had been dogs inside her car , or the ghosts of dogs , then Eric would have heard them howling . Eric heard them howling . The dogs were telling him to get lost . They were telling him to fuck off . Charley belonged to them . She was their murderer . " Well , that 's okay . I 'll stop by later , " Charley said . She smiled at him and for a moment he was standing in that city where no one ever figured out how to put out that fire , and all the dead dogs howled again , and scratched at the smeary windows . " For a Mountain Dew . So you can think about it for a while . " She reached out and took Eric 's hand in her hand . " Your hands are cold , " she said . Her hands were hot . " You should go back inside . " It was already 4 a . m . and there still wasn 't any sign of Charley when Batu came out of the back room . He was rubbing his eyes . The black pajamas were gone . Now Batu was wearing pajama bottoms with foxes running across a field towards a tree with a circle of foxes sitting on their haunches around it . The outstretched tails of the running foxes were fat as zeppelins , with commas of flame hovering over them . Each little flame had a Hindenburg inside it , with a second littler flame above it , and so on . Some fires you just can 't put out . The pajama top was a color that Eric could not name . Dreary , creeping shapes lay upon it . Eric had read Lovecraft . He felt queasy when he looked at the pajama top . " You 've been asleep for almost six hours , " Eric said . When Charley came , he would go with her . He would stay with Batu . Batu needed him . He would go with Charley . He would go and come back . He wouldn 't ever come back . He would send Batu postcards with bears on them . " So what was all that about ? With the zombies . " " I don 't know what you 're talking about , " Batu said . He took an apple from the fruit display and polished it on his non - Euclidean pajama top . The apple took on a horrid , whispery sheen . " Has Charley come by ? " " Yeah , " Eric said . He and Charley would go to Las Vegas . They would buy Batu gold lamé pajamas . " I think you 're right . I think she 's about to leave town . " " Well , she can 't ! " Batu said . " That 's not the plan . Here , I tell you what we 'll do . You go outside and wait for her . Make sure she doesn 't get away . " " She 's not wanted by the police , Batu , " Eric said . " She doesn 't belong to us . She can leave town if she wants to . " " And you 're okay with that ? " Batu said . He yawned ferociously , and yawned again , and stretched , so that the pajama top heaved up in an eldritch manner . Eric closed his eyes . " Not really , " Eric said . He had already picked out a toothbrush , some toothpaste , and some novelty teeth , left over from Halloween , which he could give to Charley , maybe . " Are you okay ? Are you going to fall asleep again ? Can I ask you some questions ? " " Questions about our mission , " Eric said . " About the All - Night and what we 're doing here next to the Ausible Chasm . I need to understand what just happened with the zombies and the pajamas , and whether or not what happened is part of the plan , and whether or not the plan belongs to us , or whether the plan was planned by someone else , and we 're just somebody else 's big experiment in retail . Are we brand - new , or are we just the same old thing ? " " This isn 't a good time for questions , " Batu said . " In all the time that we 've worked here , have I lied to you ? Have I led you astray ? " " Perhaps I haven 't told you everything , " Batu said . " But that 's part of the plan . When I said that we were going to make everything new again , that we were going to reinvent retail , I was telling the truth . The plan is still the plan , and you are still part of that plan , and so is Charley . " " Okay , then . My pajamas are experimental CIA pajamas , " Batu said . " Like batteries . You 've been charging them for me when you sleep . That 's all I can say right now . Forget about the Canadians . These pajamas the zombies just gave me - do you have any idea what this means ? " " We need you to go outside and wait for Charley , " Batu said . " We don 't have time for this . It 's getting early . Charley gets off work any time now . " " So everybody starts here , " Batu said . " Not here , in the All - Night , but somewhere here , where we are . Where we live now . Where we live is here . The world . Right ? " " And where we go is there , " Batu said , flicking a finger towards the road . " Out there , down into the Ausible Chasm . Everybody goes there . And here we are , here , the All - Night , which is on the way to there . " " So it 's like the Canadians , " Batu said . " People are going someplace , and if they need something , they can stop here , to get it . But we need to know what they need . This is a whole new unexplored demographic . So they stuck the All - Night right here , lit it up like a Christmas tree , and waited to see who stopped in and what they bought . I shouldn 't be telling you this . This is all need - to - know information only . " " Why does that matter to you ? " Batu said . He put his hands on his head and tugged at his hair until it stood straight up , but Eric refused to be intimidated . " I thought we were on a mission , " Eric said , " to help mankind . Womankind too . Like the Starship Enterprise . But how are we helping anybody ? What 's new - style retail about this ? " " Eric , " Batu said . " Did you see those pajamas ? Look . On second thought , forget about the pajamas . You never saw them . Like I said , this is bigger than the All - Night . There are bigger fish that are fishing , if you know what I mean . " " Excellent , " Batu said . His experimental CIA pajama top writhed and boiled . " Your job is to be helpful and polite . Be patient . Be careful . Wait for the zombies to make the next move . I send off some faxes . Meanwhile , we still need Charley . Charley is a natural - born saleswoman . She 's been selling death for years . And she 's got a real gift for languages - she 'll be speaking zombie in no time . Think what kind of work she could do here ! Go outside . When she drives by , you flag her down . Talk to her . Explain why she needs to come live here . But whatever you do , don 't get in the car with her . That car is full of ghosts . The wrong kind of ghosts . The kind who are never going to understand the least little thing about meaningful transactions . " " You better put on a hat too , " Batu said . " It 's cold out there . You know you 're like a son to me , which is why I tell you to put on your hat . And if I lied to you , it would be for your own good , because I love you like a son . One day , Eric , all of this will be yours . Just trust me and do what I tell you . Trust the plan . " Eric said nothing . Batu patted him on the shoulder , pulled an All - Night shirt over his pajama top , and grabbed a banana and a Snapple . He settled in behind the counter . His hair was still standing straight up , but at 4 a . m . , who was going to complain ? Not Eric , not the zombies . Eric put on his hat , gave a little wave to Batu , which was either , Glad we cleared all that up at last , or else , So long ! , he wasn 't sure which , and walked out of the All - Night . This is the last time , he thought , I will ever walk through this door . He didn 't know how he felt about that . Some woman , a real person , but not Charley , drove into the parking lot . She went inside , and Eric thought he knew what Batu would say to her when she went to the counter . Batu would explain when she tried to make her purchase that he didn 't want money . That wasn 't what retail was really about . What Batu would want to know was what this woman really wanted . It was that simple , that complicated . Batu might try to recruit this woman , if she didn 't seem litigious , and maybe that was a good thing . Maybe the All - Night really did need women . Eric walked backwards , away and then even farther away from the All - Night . The farther he got , the more beautiful he saw it all was - it was all lit up like the moon . Was this what the zombies saw ? What Charley saw , when she drove by ? He couldn 't imagine how anyone could leave it behind and never come back . Maybe Batu had a pair of pajamas in his collection with All - Night Convenience Stores and light spilling out ; the Ausible Chasm ; a road with zombies , and Charleys in Chevys , a different dog hanging out of every passenger window , driving down that road . Down on one leg of those pajamas , down the road a long ways , there would be bears dressed up in ice ; Canadians ; CIA operatives and tabloid reporters and All - Night executives . Las Vegas showgirls . G - men and bee men in trench coats . His mother 's car , always getting farther and farther away . He wondered if zombies wore zombie pajamas , or if they 'd just invented them for Batu . He tried to picture Charley wearing silk pajamas and a flannel bathrobe , but she didn 't look comfortable in them . She still looked miserable and angry and hopeless , much older than Eric had ever realized . He jumped up and down in the parking lot , trying to keep warm . The woman , when she came out of the store , gave him a funny look . He couldn 't see Batu behind the counter . Maybe he 'd fallen asleep again , or maybe he was sending off more faxes . But Eric didn 't go back inside the store . He was afraid of Batu 's pajamas . But a few hours later , when Charley drove by - he was standing on the curb , keeping an eye out for her , she wasn 't going to just slip away , he was determined to see her , not to miss her , to make sure that she saw him , to make her take him with her , wherever she was going - there was a Labrador in the passenger seat . The backseat of her car was full of dogs , real dogs and ghost dogs , and all of the dogs poking their doggy noses out of the windows at him . There wouldn 't have been room for him , even if he 'd been able to make her stop . But he ran out in the road anyway , like a damn dog , chasing after her car for as long as he could .

The old man was a creepy feature in our house that summer . Each morning , after breakfast , my mother would wheel him out onto the landing outside our kitchen door , and there he remained for most of the day . His eyes were sunk deep into their sockets . He was nearly blind ; supposedly he could see only shadows . His nose was bony and hawkish , jutting out from a face that was just a mass of wrinkles . His pale skin appeared paler under the early morning sun , and no matter how warm it was , a heavy afghan lay across his lap and over the arms of his wheelchair . His lips were always parted , and sometimes you could catch a glimpse of his two remaining front teeth . The only time he ever spoke now was to ask for water . " Cold , cold water , " he rasped softly whenever he was thirsty . It never sounded like a request , but an observation , as though he was seeing in his mind some mountain stream whose crystal clear water was babbling through a formation of rocks . He would repeat the words at almost exactly intervals , never certain anybody was close enough to hear . I was fourteen then , and every time I had to pass him to enter through the kitchen door , my scrotum shrunk slightly , as if the temperature on the landing was hovering just above zero . " Cold , cold water . " His eyelids drooped a bit , so you could see only a sliver of green and white . I knew he couldn 't see me , but the way his eyes appeared made me feel that he wasn 't blind , but that I was invisible . That was the summer my brother , Ricky , decided to kill the Greek . I never for a moment believed he would actually do it . He had changed quite a bit in the last year ; he had developed opinions - on just about everything , it seemed - started to pass judgment on everything and everybody . But he had not changed that much . So when he told me his plans , I was sure that it was all talk . We sat on out on the back stairs of our house . He was sitting on one of the higher stairs , as though that somehow reflected that he was older than me and therefore ought to be elevated . On the landing the old man loomed over us , a silent sentinel . I considered this , but it just didn 't make any sense to me . The Greek had bought the neighborhood candy store last year . It was true that he was not as likeable as Mr . Bellini , the old owner who had dispensed candy to the kids and milk and bread to their parents for about a hundred years . He always seemed sullen , walking around in a dirty t - shirt . His black hair was receding and slicked back , and his dark eyes were somewhat protuberant , as though he was always on the verge of losing his temper . He was not the nicest human being , but I couldn 't see that he was worthy of being killed , and I told Ricky as much . " Oh , his daughter … " I said knowingly . Ricky had had a crush on the Greek 's daughter , Lori , since he first laid eyes on her . I couldn 't blame him , really ; she was quite pretty , with long wavy dark hair and the kind of face you 'd see on a cameo - and her body wasn 't bad , either . For some reason , though , Ricky , lately , had lost interest in her . " Don 't give me ' Oh , her daughter ' like you know everything , " he chided me . " She 's aside from the point . " " Just stay away from her - that 's all , " he said . He stared over the railing again . In the yard birds were swooping down , landing in the lawn and pecking at the grass seed our mother had spread yesterday . It was no wonder why the lawn always had the scruffy look , with tiny bare spots here and there . You just couldn 't put down enough grass seed - there were just too many birds . On the landing the old man started to murmur , " Cold , cold water , " but neither one of us took much notice . " You know I nearly got her , " Ricky said in a mischievous way . " Yeah ? " Ricky snorted . " You don 't know nothing , " he said , and sounded just the way adults sound when they 're talking to kids sometimes . " No , he didn 't catch anything . " " Yeah , and her body was - perfect - I mean , perfect . You know ? She got down to her underwear and then she takes me into her bedroom . So I 'm getting excited , you know , like we were really going to do it and somehow that seemed so unreal - like it was a dream . We were going to do it while the Greek was down stairs , right under us , putting price tags on the canned food . So I start getting undressed . She took off his panties , and that was that - I 'll tell you , " he said with great disdain . " She had this - I never seen anything like it . You know , it wasn 't anything like the girls you 'd see in the Playboys dad keeps hidden from mom in the back of the closet . " He leaned down closer , and lowered his voice , as though afraid the old man on the landing might hear . " She had this bush - it wasn 't a bush ; it was the whole freaking forest , you know . It was totally gross . The hair went almost up to her navel - I 'm not kidding . Well , I just couldn 't deal with that . I could never be that horny - no way . It was disgusting . I was totally pissed . It could have been perfect , but she ruined it . " He shook his head , as if he still couldn 't believe it . " You know , I went through a lot of trouble to talk her out of her clothes . You 'd think she 'd have the decency not to show me something like that , you know . I mean , her old man sells razor blades downstairs . How much trouble would it have been - you know ? " " No , no , no , I told you she was aside from the point . I was just telling you what happened , because you asked . Can 't you remember anything ? " " See , that 's what I mean about people being out of order . Nobody ought to live that long . A person 's great - grandfather ought to be underground somewhere - not put out on the landing ever day , like … like a potted plant or something . The same thing with the Greek ; he 's out of order . Old Mr . Bellini was fine ; he really liked the kids . The Greek just pretends . He actually hates the kids . He just takes their money - that 's all . He doesn 't care . He gloms money , and beats his wife and daughter . He doesn 't fit . " " A lot of people have eyes but how many of them see ? It 's funny . When you 're a little kid , you accept everything you see , whether it 's good or bad . But you get to a point where you see that some things just aren 't right and that something ought to be done about it . So , yeah , the Greek should die . He should die and his wife should get everything . That would restore order - " A moment later , our mother walked out onto the landing with a glass of water . She gave Ricky a sour look - I could hardly blame her - and then she held the glass up to the old man 's wrinkled lips . He slurped the water , which started to run off at the corners of his mouth , and dripped down onto the afghan . When the glass was empty , our mother paused to give Ricky another look of disapproval before going back into the kitchen . He showed it to me only once . It was an automatic - a 9mm - and the handle and barrel were covered with tiny scratches , as though it had been dropped many times . After he showed it to me , he hid it some where in his bedroom . After that , I didn 't have to see it again ; it was enough to know that it was in the house . I should have told my parents then , but I just couldn 't bring myself to do that . I really still didn 't think he would go through with it . His reasoning for wanting to shoot the Greek didn 't seem sound to me , and I was sure that he would see that , too , and forget about the whole thing . So I just kept my mouth shut . One day my mother took the old man down the stairs , so that he could spend the day on the small patio in the yard . She wheeled him out onto the landing , and then awkwardly turned the wheelchair so that it faced the stairs . She tipped the chair back slightly , which was easily because the old man was so light , and then slowly lowered the chair down the stairs . Every time the large , rubber rimmed wheels hit a stair , there was a low thump and the wood of the stair would creak , as though it was some kind of warning that something unnatural was occurring . She got him out to the patio , and arranged the wheelchair so that it was facing the yard . She seemed irrationally particular about how the wheelchair was positioned , as though she was unaware the old man was blind and was concerned about him having a good view of her flower garden . At lunchtime , she brought him a bowl of apple sauce and spooned it into his mouth . Whenever some of the apple sauce escaped his mouth and slid down his chin , which was often , she scrape it off it the spoon and fed it to him . After she had finished she retreated to the house , and settled herself in the living room to watch soap operas , as she did every day . Later , with my father home from work , we all sat down at the kitchen table to have dinner . This was always an oddly quiet time for us ; nobody ever spoke , and all you could hear was the soft scraping of folks on our plates . Nobody much looked at each other , either , but I noticed , now and then , my parents pause and frown slightly , as if wondering whether all the windows were closed because it had started raining pretty hard outside . All of a sudden my mother shot up from her chair and said something . It came out garbled , but sounded like " Oh , my God ! " She raced toward the back door , and I followed her . The old man was still sitting out on the patio . He was soaking wet by now . His head - so remindful of a baby bird 's , for some reason - was slightly tilted up toward the gray sky as the rain struck his face . His mouth was slightly opened as though he was trying to catch the raindrops . My mother tugged him back up the stairs . As she wheeled him through the kitchen , I could hear him murmur , " Cold , cold water . " It was hard to tell if he was thirsty or complaining about the rain . After all the ruckus had died down , I sat down to finish eating . Ricky looked at me . Like our father , he had not left his seat . He said one word : " Soon . " Ricky was spending a lot of time in his room . There were some days I didn 't even see him . I could hear music playing from his stereo , and sometimes he was watching the small black - and - white television that was atop his dresser . It seemed unhealthy . He barely ever went outside . During previous summers he would seldom be at home ; he would go to the park to get into a pick - out baseball game , or hang around the street corner with friends , or just go for a walk - anything to be outside . Now he was content to be holed up in his room , with the door always shut . I could picture him lying there on his unmade bed . He never made his bed . His room was always a mess , with dirty clothes strewn on the floor . Once , my mother swore , she found a pair of sweat socks under his bed that were nearly as stiff as a board , they were so dirty . Sometimes , I could hear the springs of his bed squeaking , and I know he was doing push - ups ; he always did push - ups off the floor with his feet atop his bed , lowering his face toward the dirty laundry . Other times , there was no sound at all . Then I 'd wonder what he was doing . Was he sleeping or did he have the gun out of its hiding place , looking it over , removing and replacing the clip , thinking about his plan ? I could never bring myself to knock on his door . To him that seemed to be the ultimate affront . If somebody did that , he would start screaming at them through the door - even if it was my father , who didn 't like that kind of disrespect and wasn 't shy about telling him that . One evening I noticed his bedroom door was opened . His dirty clothes almost spilled out into the living room . He was nowhere in the house . My mother told me he 'd gone for a walk . I felt like searching the room to see if he 'd taken the gun with him . But I wouldn 't have known where to start ; his room was such a mess , it might take hours for me to determine if the gun was there . When I looked at the kitchen clock and saw the time , I knew he had the gun with him . It was almost seven o ' clock , the time the Greek closed up for the night . I was struck with the buzzy feeling people get when confronted with something otherworldly . He was actually going to do it . It seemed so unreal , but I knew it was true . The next day the news was all over the neighbor . Even people who didn 't like the Greek were horrified that he 'd been shot dead while closing up the store . Nobody saw who shot the Greek , but there were police cars cruising throughout the area all day long just the same . The old man sat in his wheelchair in the living room all that day . My mother was afraid that he would catch a chill and develop pneumonia if she put him outside . She fed him his lunch , and then took the car to the store to buy groceries . I sat on the sofa , and watched cable shows . I tried my best to ignore the old man , but sometimes I couldn 't help looking at him . His sightless eyes seemed to be staring at me . I couldn 't concentrate on what was on the television . I kept wondering what the old man knew , how much he heard and understood - if anything . I was sure he didn 't know that the Greek was dead and that his great - grandson had killed him and that his other great - grandson had known that he was going to do it but didn 't do or say anything to stop him . Beyond that , the old man could have been thinking anything , or nothing . Ricky wandered out of his room just then . It was almost noon - he was sleeping later every day , it seemed . He was wearing sleeveless shirt that showed off his well - muscles shoulders . His hands were jammed into the pockets of his pants , and he seemed to be in one of his broody moods . He looked at me briefly , and then turned to stare at the old man . " Somebody ought to put a pillow over his face , really , " Ricky said . I must have given him a look of disapproval - either that or a look of panic at the idea he might actually do it . I just didn 't know what to expect from him anymore . He shrugged his thick shoulders . " There 's definitely a quality of life issue here . " " Don 't even , " I said , disgusted . I felt that he had betrayed a trust by actually killing the Greek . He knew I hadn 't believed he 'd do it , and when he actually did do it , he made me his accomplice . I couldn 't say anything now , and he knew that - he wasn 't stupid . I didn 't much like the feeling of being put in that situation . He snorted . " Think what you want . I explained to you how things were . I can 't do anything if you don 't understand . Some people are just out of line . Nobody does anything about it , and that 's what causes the world to go wrong . You think it 's right for that old man to still be living and breathing ? What 's the point of it ? " He shrugged . " I started to understand things , I guess . You know , they try to teach you right from wrong , but they don 't really want you to know . They want to keep you stupid . And you know why ? Because they don 't want you to know that half the things they do are wrong . Like last year , when I had to go to summer school . Remember ? They were all concerned about my falling behind , and , oh , they were going to help , and they were going to take care of me . Yeah , right . Then when you go , they treat you like you 're stupid . They even call you stupid . What ? - is that supposed to help ? They just don 't know what they do to kids . Not me , of course - I understand what 's going on ; I see their faults . But you take your average kid . He 's trusting and all , and listens to everything he 's told , and believes it , and they end up making him feel he 's not even good enough to go to school . It 's not worth their precious efforts . That 's what they do , every one of those teachers who teach during the summer at school . They tell the parents one thing , and then turn round and treat their kids a whole different way - as though they 're burdens the teachers have to endure . Well , that 's what they get paid for , right ? It 's their job . But they can 't just do it ; they have to mess with peoples ' minds . I wonder how many kids they ruin every summer , how many kids never get to go where they 're meant to go , because they 've been discouraged , because they 've been led to believe they 're hopeless . It 's not right , I 'm telling you , it 's not right . If I walked into that school tomorrow morning I shot every one of them in the head , I 'd be doing everybody a big favor . " Long before he finished , I had begun to get a sick feeling in my gut . It wasn 't that he was getting excited as he spoke ; he showed no passion at all , in fact , but just spoke in a steady , calm drone . That was the creepiest thing about it , really , the way he said the words as though he was reading off the batting averages of his favorite baseball players . I knew he meant every word he said . The threat was real . He 'd already killed the Greek . He was like a tame animal that tastes blood for the first time , and now he was ruined forever . Every time he passed judgment on somebody now , it would not be enough ; he would actually want to do something about it . It was madness . I couldn 't understand how this had happened to him , how he 'd had turned into himself and got so twisted up . He wasn 't even like my brother anymore , but some stranger that had invaded the house . " Cold , cold water , " I heard the old man say . At the moment they seemed like the saddest words in the world . For a change , I went to the kitchen to get him a glass . At night I had dreams about him . I couldn 't rightfully call them nightmares , because they lacked the terror that true nightmares evoked in me . The content of the dreams were disturbing enough , but it presented itself in such a matter - of - fact way that I barely found the dreams disturbing . In one of the dreams Ricky had been wounded by the cops . He was holed up in one of the abandoned factories that were plentiful in our lower - middle class neighborhood . It was bringing him food in a large open room that had once been filled with machinery used in the manufacturing of bicycle parts . Everything appeared in black and white . He was wearing a sleeveless white tee shirt and the large splotch of blood that showed at the side of his stomach appeared in dark gray and not red . The beat - up 9mm poked out from the top of his jeans . He paced around slowly , but not as though in pain , eating a tuna salad sandwich that looked dull and tasteless . Between bits , he droned on how the world was filled with wrong that he planned to make right . He would give his life if he must . He painted himself as some heroic figure on a noble quest . Then , just as the last crumbs fell from his lips , he pulled the 9mm from the front of his pants , aimed at me , and fired . The 9mm bucked in his hand , but made no noise . That was when I 'd wake up . I wouldn 't be soaked in sweat . I wouldn 't feel fear or even dread . I wouldn 't feel anything , in fact , as though it all had been of little importance . Maybe I felt this way , I thought , because it all seemed so unreal to me . Maybe Ricky had been right to suggest that I was blind to things that he could see . I suspected I would be better off to go through life so unenlightened . Share this : FacebookRedditTwitterMoreGoogleTumblrPrintEmailLike this : Like Loading . . . She was always jumping into something or other . First , when she was younger , it was ballet . Then it was martial arts . Then rock collecting … . No sooner did she get involved in some interest or hobby than she grew bored and jumped to something new . I often suspected she had the attention span of a fruit fly . " Yeah , I did , " she insisted . " It was just too important . It was critical . If you were about to step on a land mine and blow yourself into bloody little bits , I 'd have to warn you . I mean , I could never just sit there and say nothing . " " No , no , you can 't , " she said , getting all pushy now . " They put MGA in so it tastes better . My point is , you really don 't know what it tastes like , and the MGA is really bad for you . " She rolled her eyes , as though she were the one talking to a moron and not the other way around . " Not now . But if you keep eating stuff with MGA in it - you know , in the long run - well , it 's just not good for you . " " I don 't know . That 's the scariest part ; nobody knows for sure what could happen . Maybe your uterus will drop out one day . Who knows ? " I looked around the lunchroom . Everybody was too busy eating or talking or playing with their cubes of green jello to notice Coralee . Really that was one of the good things about her : she was easily over - looked . She could probably strip naked and run up and down the lunch line and hardly anybody would realize what was happening . " Look , " she said , and dug out a pill . " This is B - complex . It 's good for infections and your skin . " She set it on the tabletop and dug out another pill . " Vitamin C - good for colds … Vitamin D - good for bones … . " " You got anything that 's good for insanity , because I think you need to pop a few of those . What that one there ? " I asked , fascinated because one of the pills was incredibly large . " That humongous white , " I said , pointing at it . " Well , not yet , but they will , " she said . " I 'm still waiting for the accumulative effect . You wanna try some ? " she asked eagerly , again digging to the bottom of her purse . " That 's not the point , " I said . The point was that I never involved myself in any of Coralee 's interests , not after the last time . She 'd been all enthused about hiking , and talked me into going with her once . It had seemed safe enough , but I ended up stepping in a gopher hole and breaking my ankle . Of course , it wasn 't really her fault , but I 'd always taken the experience as a warning . " I just hate taking pills , " I lied , hoping she would accept the lame excuse . Before I could get her to take them back , she grabbed her lunch tray , muttered something about having to go somewhere before her next class , and left me sitting there , with a small extremely suspicious little baggie in front of me . I was forced to put it in my pocket before anybody noticed and I had to explain everything about how they were just vitamins , vitamins I had never wanted , and how my cousin Coralee was an incredible airhead who , for the most part , was harmless . I doubted that I could make it all sound very convincing . I took the pills after I got home that day . I 'd completely forget I had them in the pocket of my jeans , when I pulled them out , I almost threw them out . But I was afraid my parents might discover them , and end of thinking that one of their kids was a turning into a pill - popping degenerate . Also , I was somewhat curious . Would these things actually make me feel better ? And how ? I really didn 't think I needed them . I didn 't think there was anything wrong with the way I felt normally . Still I wondered . I peered through the glass of the counter to see what was being served today . We always had the choice of three entrees . The first large stainless steel tub in the steam table contained some kind of creamy chicken casserole dish that look a lot like vomit . The next tub … a creamy beef dish that looked like vomit . The third tub … charred pieces of some type of meat that actually made the stuff in the first two tubs look good . But in the end she couldn 't . " It 's not a bad thing , you know . Did you really wanna eat any of that - stuff ? " " Well , " she said , and leaned forward as though about to tell me some dark secret . " The school district gives a contract to a company to provide all the meals . It 's all business . The district doesn 't have actual control over what goes into the food - the company does . " " It 's all common sense , " she said . " It 's all about money and cutting cost . Of course the food is going to be bad ; the contract went to the lowest bidder . " " Believe me , " she went on . " You 're better off with a salad . There 's no reason to put anything in salads , because nobody 's expecting anybody to like them anyway . " " ' Slim ' doesn 't run on my side of the family , if you haven 't noticed , " I said stiffly . Every one in my immediate family was not slender . My older brother was stocky , my younger two sisters with chubby , and my parents were - well , I had to admit they were downright fat . I always liked to think of myself as a little chucky , not horribly so , just an little extra weight that really didn 't matter ; after all , guys still looked at me in an interested kind of way - well , some guys , anyway . She made a circle with her thumb and finger . " That much - zero , nada . They don 't even teach it in medical school . And , by the way , when a doctor says anything is because of genetics , that means he doesn 't know the real reason . " " Really , " she promised . " Doctors aren 't as smart as they lead everybody to believe . If they were , nobody would ever get sick . Why do you think they call it a ' medical practice . ' ? Doctors practice medicine . They never perform medicine . " " And you 're what ? - five foot three ? " She shook her head . " Too much . And you have to fix that now . If you wait , it 'll just get worse . One day you 'll have to butter your hips to fit through doorways . " That was a horrifying thought , and in that instant , before I even realized it , I committed myself to one of Coralee 's interests . I promised myself that I would eat better , that I would exercise , and that I would drink more water . It would all be so simple , and how could it ever be a bad thing ? " I don 't that I have much time , " I said . " Today I fell asleep during an English test , and last week I nearly got run down by a truck while I was jogging . You know , it was a lt safer when I didn 't care what I weighed . ' But it turned out to be good advice . As soon as I started stuffing my face with vegetables , my weight started to ease down . I had discovered I actually weighed 142 pounds - much higher than I had believed - but within a month I was down to 125 . Everything from my waist down slimmed out so much I needed new jeans . And I did feel better , which was the main reason I 'd started to watch my diet . Of course , my parents were a bit mystified . They weren 't used to some one in our house losing weight . But they figured that my new , healthy life - style agreed with me , and that it was for the better . " Didn 't work for me , " she said , chewing her food . " I 'm naturally skinny , anyway . But you - wow ! Guys are actually looking at you . " " No , really , girl . Just keep up whatever you 're doing - seriously . By spring , you 're gonna be smoking . You should get on of those teeny bikinis and started going to the tanning salon . You 're gonna have guys drooling over you . " " You 're sick , you know that , " she said . " I send you on the path to gain these new powers , and you 're gonna waste them on sports ? You don 't even care about the guys and whether your favorite cousin picks up your leftovers ? That 's gratitude for you , " she said , and stood and grabbed her tray . Before she left , she said , " You know , I don 't even know you . " I couldn 't believe that she was getting all snarky on me . She was actually mad at me . What was with that ? It was bizarre . She never got mad at me . Well , let her be mad , then , I figured . It didn 't make any sense , anyway ; she 'd been the one who encouraged me . What did she have to be mad about ? Coralee avoided me like the plague . At first , it didn 't seem like a terrible thing , but after a while it didn 't seem natural for her not to be around , jabbering on and on about this or that . I missed her babbling . She could be annoying , sure , but annoying in a comforting way . Now I sit alone in the lunchroom every day , left to realized how few friends I had always had . Guys who had never before noticed me now began to drift in my direction , sitting at the opposite end of the lunch table . Lose a few pounds and all of a sudden you are visible to people who had never really seen you . How incredibly shallow . Inside I was exactly the same person I had always been , but it seemed people , especially guys , were interested in outsides . I just ignored them and their hedging attempts to talk to me . They probably thought I was stuck - up , but I didn 't care what they thought . Oddly they more I ignored them , the more the tried to talk to me , which annoyed me in a much more annoying way than Coralee had ever been , and that made me miss her even more . By Christmas vacation , I was down to 109 pounds . The clothes I had worn were all now baggy . My waist was so slim I could see the abdominal muscles I never knew I had . My wrists and ankles seemed too bony , and veins looked like tiny blue worms under the skin of my hands and feet . To me it was pretty gross , but everybody seemed to like the way I looked now - as though before there had been something wrong with me , and nobody had had the heart to mention it . On Christmas Eve , my aunt and uncle visited my house , as they always did . For them it was a short walk down the street . They brought gifts , but they also brought Coralee . I had no doubt she had made a fuss about even being in the same house with me . It appeared as though she would rather be anywhere else on earth , maybe even in the simmering cone of some active volcano . After all the food was eaten and the gifts opened , I found myself sitting alone in the living room . The Christmas tree was lit up , with some strings of lights pulsing . The television was showing some sappy old Christmas movie , but thankfully somebody had turned off the sound . She flopped down at the opposite end of the sofa . She didn 't say anything . She just sat there , pretending to be interested in the movie , which she couldn 't even hear . And we ended up almost getting into an argument over who had been mad at whom . We stopped and looked at each other , and then broke out laughing . It was so ridiculous . " Ideal weight ? Listen to you , " she said , and sighed . " I shouldn 't have pushed you into all of it . I think I ruined you somehow . Ideal weight . You wouldn 't have ever said anything like that before . " She seemed satisfied , but still wouldn 't explain why she had got all snarky on me to begin with . " You should just eat regular now , the way you did before , you know ? Even if you gain back a couple pounds . " Some things take on a life of their own . Sometimes that 's good . Sometimes it 's bad . Whatever the case , you have no control over what is happening , and that can get pretty scary . By the time I returned to school , I had been on my old diet for over a week . It didn 't seem , though , that I was gaining back any weight . At first I thought this was a good thing , but then one day , after gym , I weighed myself on the scale in the locker room . I was astonished to discover I 'd lost another two pounds ! How was that even possible ? I 'd eaten like this before and never lost an ounce . But she just shook her head . " No way . Everything will go back to normal . Just keep eating like that , " she said , nodding at my lunch tray ; I had two chili dogs , French fries , a piece of chocolate cake , and a non - diet soda . " I already did that . I was up to three miles a day . Now I 'm down to one . I don 't want to stop completely , because I sort of like it . " " Like running ? You 're sick , you know that , " she said . " Well , I wouldn 't worry about it . It 's just gonna take some time to get back to nor - " she stopped , as though struck by a troubling thought . " All the food you 're eating - it is staying down , right ? " " Well , not me . It 's doing it all on its own . My stomach 's just a little messed up - it 's getting better . " My cheeks seemed a bit to hollow , and on some days I woke with dark circles under my eyes . Worse than how I looked , I started to feel bad . I felt drained all the time , and so I had to give up running . The last few lost pounds changed a lot of things . Guys who had been hovering around , looking for an opening to talk to me , slowly shied away . Everybody gave me odd looks now . At home my parents grew fretful . I probably didn 't even look like their child , but rather some kid they had had pity on and adopted . They insisted I see a doctor , but after he examined me and reviewed my blood tests , he claimed that I was in excellent condition . Which was hard for me to believe . I didn 't feel in excellent condition ; most of the time I felt like a wrung - out wash rag . I couldn 't stop thinking about how Coralee said doctors only practice medicine . Coralee stopped talking about my weight or vitamins or anything like that . I wasn 't sure whether that was because she felt guilty or because her interest was already waning , giving way to another interest . She was talking an awful lot about needlepoint . " Just turn it off - turn it off , " I said . I had my eyes half - covered with my hand ; I couldn 't bare to look at the screen . I certainly didn 't want to know how the movie ends . When Coralee spoke again , she asked if I wanted to turn on the stereo . I could tell that she felt pretty bad about the movie . You knew ? Maybe it was an honest mistake . Maybe out there somewhere somebody would name their dog Thinner . " No , " I said about the stereo . I didn 't run the risk of hearing some song about bulimia . That just would have been too much . Our basement was always chilly during the winter , but I still felt warm . I was wearing just an old tee shirt and a pair of cut - off jeans . My legs looked like sticks , and my knees look like large knobs in the branch of an old tree . Beneath my skin you could see the roadmap of blue veins that ran everywhere . I wanted to make her feel better . None of it was her fault ; there was no way she could have known what kind of reaction I 'd have to a simple change of eating habits . Suddenly me stomach started to churn and make a gurgly sound , and I knew what was about to happen - something I noticed a couple weeks before , something that I thought would cheer her up . " Watch this . " I lifted my shirt so that she could see my stomach . She winced , and I told her , " No , just keep watching . " And then it happened . " No , it 's not funny . Nothing about it is funny , " she cried . She jumped to her feet and began pacing the way she always did whenever she was upset . " I should have kept my big mouth shut . I can 't believe I did this to you - " I tried to stop her , but couldn 't . Everything must have built up inside her over the weeks , and now she just had to get it all out . Finally she flopped down to the floor like a rag doll , and sat their softly crying and sniffling . " There , you did it again . I swear , " she said , and balled her hand into a fist , " if you say it again , I 'll punch you right in the head . " And she looked about ready to do it , too . " Dying ? " That was ridiculous . Of course , I wasn 't dying . " Coralee , I 'm not dying . What would put that in your head ? " " No , I 'm not , " I said , astounded that she would accuse me of such a thing . " I told you before - it 's just that my stomach bothers me sometimes - that 's all . Trust me . I 'm not doing that , and I 'm not dying . " " I 've been watching it really close . It took a lot longer to lose the last couple pounds . My stomach is feeling better . It 's about to stop . " By summer I was back to 111 pounds , and it seemed as though that was where my weight would settle . I resumed running , which , even today , I still enjoy . It makes me feel good . Of course , there is always that little letdown after I run , but that only makes me look forward to the next day , when I can run again . I am up to six miles a day , and I am sure that in the fall I will have no trouble making the cross - country team . Coralee went through three or four more hobbies . Sometimes , I lose track . By summer she was into archery . She tried to get me interested , too , but I begged off ; I couldn 't shake off the image of an arrow zipping straight for my forehead as she tried to shoot an apple off my head . This even caused a couple nightmares . Her family moved away at the beginning of summer . In the fall she will be attending a different school . As annoying as she can be , I will still miss her . If nothing else , she has always been well - meaning . And she really does care , in her own demented sort of way . Sometimes I still laugh to myself at how she actually believed I was sticking my finger down my throat to make myself vomit . I mean … as if … . I still wonder where she got the idea ; even I couldn 't picture myself doing something like that . Oh , sure , there were a couple times I did do it . But it was never a habit . My stomach was bothering me and I was going to throw up anyway . I figured I 'd just save the time , and get it over with . Also , I felt a little stupid standing and leaning over the toilet , and waiting . So what not ? All that is behind me now , anyway . My weight is fine . My stomach is fine . I 'm running six miles a day , and by the fall , I will be up to seven or eight , or maybe even ten . Who knows ? All I know is that everything is fine and it 's going to stay that way - really . It was late spring that year , and I had that giddy feeling I got every year after school let out for the summer . The whole world was green , and green had a smell , and that smell was of new leaves and mowed grass . Even the dusty , dank attic of our house smelled green - if you left the window open long enough . I spent endless hours playing catch with my brother , Biddy . I wasn 't clear how he 'd come to be called Biddy , for his name was really Bobby . He was three years younger than I , who was eleven at the time , and he had such bad co - ordination that he caught the ball only about half the time before it hit him - in the chest or stomach or knee - if it hit him in the face , he 'd go crying into the house , and that signaled the end of playing catch for the day . Once he got hit in the eye , which turned purple and nearly swelled shut , and my father gave me a good whipping for throwing the ball so hard . It had been an accident , of course , and I felt bad about it - sort of - but still I got the whipping . That was the way it was in our house ; there was no such thing as a mishap . My father was a devout Christian , and though he believed you if you told him whatever happened was an accident , he also believed that the devil had got into you and made you have the accident without you realizing it and so he had to whip the devil out of you . He 'd say that you couldn 't smell evil , because it gave off no scent , but you could pretty well assume it was always around . It didn 't seem fair , sure , but it was no less fair than many other things . I supposed I was a good Christian , too , from what I recalled from the Bible ; Christians always seemed to be taking a beating for no good reason I could see , and then , when I thought about the ones that were eaten by lions and such , I figured I didn 't have much to complain about . Biddy and I still tossed the ball back and forth every day . The heat didn 't bother us as much as it bothered the adults , who sat out on their front porches each evening and tried to catch the slightest breeze . We were throwing the ball back and forth in front of the house when something strange happened . Biddy reached out to catch the ball and missed , which he did pretty often , only this time he missed in a peculiar way . The ball snicked off the end of his glove , which he was raising at the moment , and went up into the air and bounced in the street . It was a rubber - coated league ball , and it bounced fairly high . As wicked luck would have it , a panel truck - one we didn 't recognize , and obviously driven by an evil minion of Satan - was speeding down the street and before the ball could hit the pavement again , the truck intervened and the ball shot off the front fender of the truck . The ball was propelled up and across the street where it ricocheted off the trunk of a large old oak tree , changed directs again and ended up crashing through one of the four little windows of the front door of house across the street . Biddy and I looked at each other in horror . We knew there was no way somebody wasn 't taking a beating for this one . It was a bizarre incident , and it looked as if the devil himself had sent that ball on its crooked course , like one of the small silver balls in pinball machine , which we could never play because our father said they were evil . We did the worse thing possible , then ; we ran , we ran and hid under our front porch . Our father had always told us that there was one thing worse that committing a sinful act , and that was running away from the punishment you had coming to you . We didn 't think of that of the moment , and as we hunkered down unseen we felt very safe - for the time being , anyway . We watched from under the porch and spied on Mr . Crawford , who lived in that house , as he walked outside with our baseball in his hand , which was gnarled like the roots of an old tree . Under the best circumstances , he was a crotchety old guy who retired years ago because arthritis ruined most of his joints , along with anything pleasant in his personality . He had to be even more miserable than usual , what with the heat and no air conditioning or fans and his T - bones steaks , which he enjoyed barbequing in solitude , going bad in his warm freezer . He paused on his porch , propped up by his wooden cane , and looked up and down the street in a searching way . As though to settle the manner , Mr . Crawford crept down his stairs and headed straight for our house . It would have been an actual beeline if he hadn 't been so slow . At last he reached our porch , and as he climbed the wooden stairs , dust fell down on us from under the stair boards . We couldn 't hear exact what Mr . Crawford said to our father , but from our position , it didn 't sound too neighborly . After our father dragged us out from our hiding place , we discovered that we each would get a whipping . We went up to the living room , where my father spent most of his free time watching television and waiting for my mother to bring him something to eat . Because of the lack of power , the television and the electric stove weren 't working , and so he was in a particularly foul mood himself . He didn 't even try to amuse himself in other ways , but just sat there on our beat - up sofa and stared into space , as though growing more irritated by the minute that the electric wasn 't coming on . So it wasn 't a good time to take a whipping from him - no time was , really . There was a set process to the event . I , being the older child , would be dealt with first . While he sat on the sofa , pulling off his belt , I stood in front of him and dropped my pants . The receiver of a whipping - in his book , anyway - was expected to stand there and take it without crying and trying to run away . Either transgression was punishable by harder or more numerous lashes of his belt . I had taken so many beating in my life already , I knew all the tricks . It was always advisable not to stand too far away ; my father was a husky man - if he hadn 't been my father , I 'd say he was downright fat - and his belt seemed endlessly long . If you stood too far away , you got caught by the very tip of the belt and it felt as though you 'd been hit with a bull whip . In baseball , the same principle applies when you pitch a batter inside rather than over the plate . I had also learned the trick of appearing badly hurt by the whipping although it barely bothered me at all . This little deception was necessary , since I never wanted my father to get the idea in his head that he was under - punishing me . It was amazing what could inspire a person to develop acting abilities . After he was finished with me , it was Biddy 's turn . Biddy did not know how to act . He never cried any more . He had run once , but had discovered what a huge mistake that was , and so no longer tried to escape . He just stood there and took the whipping as though it was nothing . That was why our father always beat him more . The kid didn 't have the sense to fake anything , and afterward he would always seem very proud that he had got beat worse than I had and endured the procedure without so much as a whimper . He was a good kid , really , but I suspected not too bright . I learned later that the whipping was only part of my punishment . It seemed that throwing the ball - as though the devil himself threw the ball with my arm - was a much greater sin than Biddy 's sin of not catching it . My father informed me that I would have to go and fix the window that had been broken . I couldn 't protest any more , for fear of getting another whipping . I had never in my life had back - to - back whippings , and I didn 't wish now to see whether I could withstand them . It didn 't seem fair to me , though ; it was like going to the store and paying for a gallon of milk , and then having the cashier ask you for an extra quarter . He assured me that Mr . Crawford understood everything and that he was a good and forgiving Christian . He told me just go over there and fix the window and promise him that it will never happen again . It puzzled me that I had to make such a promise ; considering the weirdness of the incident , how could I know for sure that it wouldn 't happen again ? All that concerned me , really , was that Mr . Crawford understood I 'd been punished , because I didn 't want him hovering around me as I replaced the glass , harping at me , as old folks tend to do , for breaking the glass in the first place . After I rang the doorbell , I thought it would take a month for the old man to reach the door and let me in . I could see him through the old , broken glass as he approached the door . He was snail slow . I really did feel sorry for him , though , when I saw how his knees bowed out badly and how his pants hung off his waist so baggy . His body was so bent and skinny from age . It was clear that the years and the arthritis had taken a bad toll on him , and then to boot his wife had passed away long ago and left him to suffer alone . I took the old broken glass out of the frame first , and then cleared away the old caulking , which was so dried out it nearly fell off itself . I set the new glass in the frame . The glass fit perfectly , and I was relieved my father had taken a good measurement the day before - I would hardly have known what to do if the glass had been too big . With my fingers I pressed eight , two on each side , of the small flat metal triangles into the frame so that they held the glass in place . The points of the triangles were pretty sharp and they dug easily into the old sun bleached wood . I caulked around the edges of the glass , then , trying to kept the caulking even and neat while making sure the tops of the metal triangles were completely covered . When I was finished , I stepped back to assess my job . It was pretty good , really , considering that I had never done anything like before , never seen anybody perform the job , and was only going on my father 's oral instructions . Except for a couple smudgy fingerprints on the glass , I had to say the job looked pretty professional . I went back to the kitchen to look for Mr . Crawford to tell him how totally sorrow I was about what had happened and how it would never happen again . I found him standing at the old kitchen sink . He was scrubbing some pots and pans . His back was to me , and I paused to notice how old and frail he looked . With his legs so bad , he seemed to have a hard time balancing without his cane , which was set against the side of the sink so he could use both hands to scour a pan that looked hopelessly caked with brown stuff . There were suds halfway up his forearms , which were so thin you could nearly see the bones and wrinkled skin hung loosely off those bones . I felt totally ashamed then , standing there and watching him . He was just an old man who wanted to live alone with his pains until the Good Lord saw fit to relief him . The last thing he needed was a baseball crashing through his front window . Even though I believed it had been an accident , I still thought it was an awful thing to do to him and I felt responsible . I just wandered out of the house , then , went across the street and settled down on my front stairs . I sat there and felt the lump rise at the top of my forehead . It felt about as big as a large robin egg when the swelling finally stopped . " I 'm sure God forgives you , and that 's about all that really counts . Sounds like the devil got into Mr . Crawford . It happens . It happens to everybody now and then , " he said and sounded wistful . Then he walked away and let me alone . I sat there for a long while , staring across the street at the house whose front door had three dirty windows and one so new it shined so brightly it made the other three seem all the dirtier . I wished that someone would invent something , some kind of machine that could detect evil , like an electronic evil sniffer . That way everyone would know when evil was about , and they could protect themselves - or at least learn when to duck . Until we have such a machine , I guessed , we all have to assume evil is all around us all the time , and we all , from time to time , are going to have to take a beating . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :

He struggled to raise himself from the ground but got only up to his elbows when a splitting pain shot through his head . He grabbed his temples and fell back to the ground and tried to go back to sleep , but it was no good , he was awake . He rolled over and groaned , and then felt a nudge on his back . This produced more laughter . Chepe sat up and his head began to throb . He rubbed his temples and blinked his eyes . He was in a courtyard , with groups of men scattered around here and there . He smelled something foul . He looked down at himself and saw that he was covered with vomit . He dropped back to the ground and rolled over . Again he felt a nudge . They joined a line of men queued up behind the women . When it was Chepe 's turn he was handed two tortillas , and then some amorphous substance was ladled onto the tortillas from the garbage pail . It looked like vomit , and Chepe thought it smelled like it too , but it could have been his clothes . He felt nauseous . " Now , now , that 's no way to act . You have to keep up your strength . You don 't want to get old before your time like me . " They walked to the other end of the courtyard . The old man indicated a door , and Chepe pushed it open . A stench of piss and shit wafted into his face and brought back his nausea . The floor was half an inch deep in piss , the two toilet bowls were overflowing , and the urinals were brimming with piss and vomit . Chepe tiptoed to the sink and turned on the tap . A trickle of water dribbled out . He cupped his hand and sloshed water over his face , and then he removed his shirt and tried to wash it in the trickle . He tried not to breathe through his nose . He wrung out the wet shirt , then moved to the urinal and pissed into it from a distance . That made him feel better , even though his head still hurt . He went back out into the courtyard , but the old man wasn 't there . He wanted to go back to sleep , but he didn 't want to lie down on the ground again . His head was still throbbing . He felt like a drink . Chepe made his way across the courtyard to the door . Actually , it wasn 't just his clothes , the whole place had a smell of something like piss and vomit . He arrived at the door and saw a small sign saying : " Director . Please Knock . " He knocked , but got no answer . There was a bench next to the door , so he sat down on it to wait . After a few minutes he began to get sleepy , so he lay down on the bench and went to sleep . Chepe waited , perhaps an hour , sitting on the bench . He didn 't dare go back to sleep , but he wasn 't as sleepy now anyway , and his head didn 't hurt as much ; but he sure felt like a drink . In that hour no one else came , but neither did the director call him into the office . Thinking that maybe the director had forgotten about him , he stood up and knocked on the door . After a moment it was opened by the director 's flunky . Chepe went back to waiting . After another half hour the door opened and the flunky came out and beckoned Chepe to enter . Chepe went in and stood before the director 's desk . There was no place to sit . The director stared at him and said nothing . " No doubt . Let me see . " He beckoned to the flunky , who brought a sheaf of papers . The director leafed through them , found the one he was looking for , and studied it a moment . " Yes . You were found last night lying in the gutter by the National Police . They took you in and called your wife , and then they and she brought you here , and she signed you in . Since she is the one who is responsible for you , you can only leave when she signs you out again . " Peta , the bitch ! The filthy bitch ! No doubt she and her mother were having a good laugh over this one right now . The bitch ! The filthy bitch ! The director turned to some papers on his desk . Chepe left , taking care not to slam the door . Once outside he kicked the ground . The bitch ! The bitch ! He stomped around and cursed . The bitch ! He beat his fist against the post at the edge of the patio . The bitch ! The bitch ! Oh God , I want a drink ! Chepe sat down and stared at the concrete . Peta ! Would he wring her filthy neck when he got the chance ! Her and her mother both ! The bitch ! He cursed Peta with every breath he took that day , and he stomped on her with every step he took in his aimless wanderings around the yard . And as he lay awake on the pallet they assigned him that night , shivering because he didn 't have a blanket , he plotted Peta 's demise . He was torn over the question of strangling Peta first while her mother watched , or strangling the mother first while Peta watched . He wished he had a drink . Finally he slept . The next day he had calmed down somewhat . In between rages at Peta , he considered his position calmly . The little bitch had the whip hand , he had to give her credit . Now what ? Eventually she 'd have to come to see him , probably today or tomorrow at the latest . He couldn 't beat her up then and there , not if he wanted out . He 'd have to stay calm . Smile at her . Take her in his arms and kiss her . Peta , dear Peta . You 've certainly taught me my lesson ! Very clever of you . Once he got her home , then the bitch would pay ! " I think you 're mistaken . " said the porter , and he went back to sleep . Chepe felt like cursing that bastard too , but he thought better of it . He walked back into the courtyard . God , how he wanted a drink ! Peta didn 't come that day ; nor did she come the next day . Or the next , or the next . Chepe 's rage did not abate , no indeed . With every passing day it waxed and took new forms , and new ideas for torture and vengeance came into his mind . The problem was that there was really nothing to do all day except to think about vengeance on Peta and to wish for a drink . His companions in Our Lady of Compassion were not the most sparkling conversationalists : the chief topic of discourse was the wish for a drink . Some of them apparently could afford to drink , judging by their smell , but these certainly were not disposed to share their bounty . One of them was a dapper old man of about sixty , who lived in a room by himself which was fitted out like an office , with diplomas on the wall and a desk and filing cabinet . This was Licensiado Ruiz , a lawyer , who continued to practice law even though his family had committed him to Our Lady of Compassion . He had a runner who worked for him taking messages back and forth to the outside world , and on occasion he would see a client through the grill of the main door . The runner brought him his meals , and every afternoon at 2 : 00 p . m . he would close his office , walk across the courtyard to the porter 's chair , return to his office , and not be seen again until the next morning . Chepe had heard that on occasion Licensiado Ruiz had even succeeded in winning liberation from Our Lady of Compassion for some of her wealthier inmates . Why then , Chepe had asked , couldn 't he liberate himself ? He had nowhere to go , was the answer . His family didn 't want him back , and besides , he had gotten used to it . He had been there twenty years . Aha ! At last ! Stay calm , take deep breaths , don 't lose your temper . He went to the porter who escorted him to the main door and opened the grill . Chepe looked out the grill . It wasn 't Peta , as he 'd expected , but Rosa , his little sister . " Mama went to talk to Peta . She told us you were here . She said it was good for you , that they would cure you of drinking . " " She tried , Chepe . We went to the lawyer . He said only Peta could sign you out , since she 's the one who signed you in . " " Tell her I want to see her . " He could figure out the details later on . Then , as an afterthought he added , " Tell her I love her . " though he almost choked getting the words out . " Tell her I love her and I want to see her , okay ? " He watched her descend to the sidewalk and cross the street . Then the porter was there , shutting the grill . He wished he could kick the man ! But instead he said , He grabbed the glass , almost spilling some , and walked over to a corner of the patio and sat down . He would do this right , his first drink in a week ! He would savor it , in little sips . He raised the glass to his lips and took the tiniest of tastes . It was delicious ! He let the warm liquid roll around his tongue before swallowing gently . He took another delicate sip , then another . With each sip he closed his eyes and concentrated upon his taste buds . What delight ! Towards the end of the glass he took half sips ; and when it was all gone he placed the glass lovingly beside him and lay back against the wall . The first warm buzz from the alcohol rose into his head . He felt so relaxed , so peaceful . He waited for a stronger feeling of intoxication to come . He waited patiently for five minutes , but no stronger feeling came . That was it . He looked up and saw the glass . There were a few drops left in the bottom . He picked it up and thirstily drank them down , and then licked the inside of the glass . No more . That was all . He felt cheated . His first drink after long deprivation , and that was all there was to it ! He wanted more . He picked up the glass and went back to the porter . Swine ! Chepe walked back into the courtyard and gave the old man his glass back . If only he hadn 't given him that sip ! Oh well , tomorrow he 'd ask Rosa to bring him a glass . " A blanket , Chepe , here it is . I couldn 't bring more than my fifty cents lunch money . You know Mama hasn 't any money . " " Until I 'm cured ! Until I 'm cured ! What do you mean , until I 'm cured ? Rosa , do you know what it 's like in here ? It 's a prison ! " " Don 't do that , Chepe ! I 'll come every day . Mama couldn 't come . No , actually she could have come , but she was ashamed to come . She said you wouldn 't want her to see you like this . She sent you a cake . " " Listen , Rosa , I 'm sorry I yelled . Really , I appreciate this . Tell Mama I appreciate it . Listen , Rosa , go back and tell Peta I 'm cured . Okay ? Tell her I hate myself for having been such a drunk , and that I really love her and want to see her . Okay ? " They tried to kiss through the grill but couldn 't touch . Only after Rosa had left did Chepe remember he 'd forgotten to ask her to bring a glass . He turned to the porter and showed him the fifty cents . Chepe glared at him and took the glass . He went back to his corner . Today he would drink it all down in one gulp , and see if that gave him more of a lift . He raised the glass and toasted , And he swallowed it down in two gulps . He glared around . He felt like smashing the glass on the floor , but thought better of it . He returned to the porter , and then he remembered the cake . Chepe stepped into the courtyard . That was a good idea , to drink it all down in one gulp . He could feel a bit higher than he had yesterday . Actually that one glass wasn 't anywhere near enough to get drunk on , but it was enough to remind you of how good it felt . He sat down in the middle of the courtyard and looked at the cake . At least he wouldn 't have to eat tortillas and slop tonight . That was nice of Mama . She had always loved him . She had always known he would make good , and he was doing pretty well until he met Peta . That was his downfall ! Peta ! Strangling was too good for her . He 'd slice her up into little slivers , beginning at her ugly toes , and moving up the line . He became aware of a circle of men forming around him . " Three cents ! For my mother 's cake ! Why , my mother bakes for the priest of our parish . He 's an Italian . Five cents , the lowest . " " Of course I don 't have a knife . " the man replied . " Do you think they 'd let us have knives ? Ask the porter . " The porter took his piece and Chepe took the rest back to the courtyard , where he soon had them all sold . He counted his money . Forty cents . He went back to the porter . You can 't win with these swine . Chepe took the glass and downed it in a gulp , and just in time , too , because he was coming down from his previous high . He stepped back into the courtyard and looked around for the blanket , but it wasn 't there . " My blanket ! " he yelled . " Where 's my blanket ? You thieves ! Bring me that blanket or I 'll strangle every one of you ! " Chepe grabbed it away from him . What a miserable bunch of thieves and no - goods . At least that night was the first warm night he 'd had since he entered the place . The next day Rosa didn 't come . Chepe waited for her all day long , and not until nightfall did he admit to himself that she wasn 't coming . Rosa ! Little Rosa ! Where the hell was she ? Was everyone turning against him ? The only thing worse than not being able to drink was expecting that any minute you 'd be able to drink and then not being able to drink . That was far worse than not being able to drink and knowing you weren 't going to be able to drink . How he 'd love to wring all their necks , starting with the porter . He sat down on the ground with his tortillas and slop and ate them slowly . Another man , about his age , sat down next to him . " That 's how it always is . " the man said . " At first they come , they even bring you money , and then after a while they don 't come anymore . " " She 'll come ! What are you saying ? My sister loves me ! Maybe no one loves you , and it 's not hard to see why . " " They come at first , and then they don 't come anymore . " the man said thoughtfully . " At first they care about you , and then they don 't care anymore . " " And then , after a while , you stop caring yourself . You know ? And then all you care about is the tortillas and slop , because there 's nothing left to care about . " " Wonderful ! A philosopher . Listen , Mr . Philosopher , why don 't you go eat your tortillas and slop over there and let me eat my tortillas and slop in peace ? " Rosa didn 't come the next day , or the next . Chepe was beginning to get desperate . But on Saturday he was called to the main door again . " I know you do , I know . Dear , sweet Rosa . I 'm sorry . I 'm no good , I know it . You know I love you , Rosa . " " The bitch ! Closing the door on my sister ! My door ! I 'll kill her ! I swear , as God and all the saints are my witnesses , I will kill her with these hands ! " " I 'm sorry , Rosa , I 'm sorry . You just don 't know what it 's like in here , with all these bums . With all these filthy bums ! And the food ! " " Nothing , nothing . So help me , God ! You go and tell Peta that they can 't keep me in here forever . Some day they will let me out , and when they do I will kill her . You tell her that , okay ? Tell her that if she doesn 't get me out of here tomorrow I will kill her . If they keep me here twenty years , when I get out I will kill her . Tell her that . " " I can 't tell her that ! Besides , if I told her that she 'd never let you out . Besides , she won 't let me tell her anything . " " Rosa , please , please do something . Anything ! I don 't care what . Write letters to the deputy . Go back to see the lawyer . Maybe bribe the director . " " I don 't know . Borrow the money . Rosa , please listen , you 're my only hope . You 've got to get me out of here . " " And please , please come to see me every day . No matter how hard it is . When I don 't see you , I die . Really , it kills me . " He reached two fingers through the grill and took her fingers in his , and squeezed them . Then she was gone . Chepe turned to the porter and handed him fifty cents . He took it without speaking and returned with a little more than half a glass . Chepe gave him a dirty look , took the glass , and downed it in two gulps . He asked for the penknife and sliced the cake , offering the porter his piece . Then he went into the courtyard and made his sales . Rosa didn 't come the next day , or the next . This produced some amused comment from the denizens of the tortilla line , but Chepe ignored them . Once the man his age sat down next to him again , but didn 't speak . He just looked at Chepe with a knowing look . Chepe turned away from him . When the man finished eating he stood up and looked down at Chepe and said , Well , now what ? He couldn 't count on Rosa or his mother , that was becoming obvious . He 'd have to buy his way out , but with what ? There was some cottage industry in Our Lady of Compassion , some hammock weavers and a potter , but they weren 't making much money . He thought about Licensiado Ruiz . The Licensiado held himself aloof from the other inmates . Chepe had never even seen him talk to another inmate . He had a runner who worked for him , and apparently he had other employees on the outside . Maybe he needed a clerk . Chepe had studied some accounting back in high school ; maybe the Licensiado would hire him . Chepe walked to the lavatory and stepped into the pool of piss . He waded to the sink and took a look at himself in the mirror . He was dirty and unshaven , and his clothes were filthy . He hadn 't bathed or changed his clothes since he 'd been admitted . He removed his shirt and scrubbed it in the trickle of the faucet , and then took it out to the sun to dry . He bent over the sink and sloshed water over his face and torso , and wet his hair and tried to comb it with his fingers . He went out into the courtyard and waited for the shirt to dry . When it was almost dry he put it back on , took another swipe at his hair , and walked purposefully to the door of Licensiado Ruiz 's office . He knocked and waited . A drunk ! What effrontery the man had ! What a swine ! Chepe turned without speaking and slammed the door behind him . A drunk ! The filthy drunk , calling me a drunk ! Chepe kicked the ground and spat in fury . A drunk ! He leaned on his arm against the post at the end of the patio and closed his eyes . They all treat you like dirt , no matter how hard you try , and then when you take an occasional drink to relieve your misery , they call you a drunk . He felt like weeping , but no tears came . He heard a sound behind him and turned around . It was the wizened old man . " Well , what do you want ? " " Oh , it 's not so bad . You get used to it , after a while . At least there 's food , and no one knocking you about . " " Oh yes , you will . They all do , after a few years . Sooner . Actually , it isn 't far from heaven . If there were only liquor here , it would be heaven . Sometimes there even is liquor , when you get a little money together . Then it is heaven , truly heaven . " Rosa came on Saturdays now . She came every Saturday afternoon , and gave Chepe fifty cents . He didn 't dare ask her why she didn 't come more frequently , for fear of antagonizing her . Sometimes she brought a cake , or some other little delicacy he could sell . When she brought a cake he would sell it and get drunk that Saturday afternoon . When she didn 't bring a cake , he would save the fifty cents until the next Saturday , when by uniting the earnings of two weeks he could get drunk properly . Well , " properly " was scarcely the word for it , but he reasoned that a quetzal 's worth of booze was worth more than two fifty cents ' worth , and two weeks of deprivation made the final bash all the better . He was making a virtue of self - restraint . Although he surely didn 't consider it heaven , he was getting used to Our Lady . He was even getting used to the food . And although he still didn 't like it , he began to look forward to meal times as welcome punctuation points in the boring routine of the day . One day a new man appeared in Our Lady . When Chepe awoke that morning he spied a body lying outside in the courtyard , and out of curiosity he walked over to it and hung over the man until he awoke . Some other inmates , including the little old man ( whose name , Chepe had learned , was don Ramon ) also came over to examine the object . The man looked up and blinked around , and then fell back to sleep . " Everybody up ! " don Ramon called cheerfully , lifting the man by his armpits , and indicating for Chepe to help him . Between the two of them they got the man to his feet , and began marching him to the tortilla line , albeit unsteadily . " Who the hell are you ? Where the hell am I ? " the man grumbled as he staggered along . " Oh , jolly ! This is very jolly ! My wife ! My whore of a wife ! The filthy slut ! " The man went on and on , disgusting even Chepe with his turns of phrase and the spittle which accompanied them , not to mention the stench of vomit and piss which hung on the man . " Take your filthy hands off of me ! " the man spat at them , twisting away from them and then falling to the ground . Chepe and don Ramon picked him up again and marched him to the line in silence , but the man carried on and on . When the food was served , he took one look at it and heaved it to the ground and stomped on it . He went on . Chepe tried to ignore it . What a fool , he thought . Oh well , I suppose everyone has to go through it , but this guy just won 't shut up . The man stood up and started to take a swing , but he threw himself off balance and fell to the ground . All the men laughed . The man stayed down and began to cry , and pounded the ground with his fists . Later that day Chepe thought back over the incident and was amused by his reactions to the man . He still hated Peta , but somehow he didn 't think about her much anymore . He had exhausted himself thinking about her . Only rarely would thoughts of Peta stimulate his murderous creativity - usually when something had happened to make him angry , and then he 'd turn around and get angry at Peta . But most of the time , when the thought of Peta came up , it bored him and he dismissed it . Even when , after he 'd been in Our Lady for six months , Rosa reported to him that Peta was now living with another man in his house , Chepe couldn 't get the old anger flowing very well . He spent a few days trying , trying to be as jealous and hateful as he could be , but somehow the old vibrancy wasn 't there . He really didn 't care . He resented the aspersion upon his manhood that Peta 's cuckolding him entailed ; the laughter and innuendo he 'd have to put up with from his friends and neighbors , but really , who cared ? What the hell could he do about it anyway ? And if you can 't do anything , then why get all excited about it ? One day don Ramon complained of stomach pains . He slept in the same room as Chepe , on the next pallet . Chepe reported don Ramon 's condition to the director , but the director said it would have to wait until the doctor came on his next scheduled round , in a week 's time . The doctor was an important man , who volunteered his services to Our Lady , and he could only be summoned in a grave emergency . The next morning , when Chepe awoke , don Ramon was dead . Chepe shook him to wake him up , but he didn 't move . Chepe touched his skin ; it was cold . Chepe sat down on his pallet . He couldn 't think . Tears came to his eyes , but he didn 't weep . At length he stood up and walked to the porter 's chair and informed the porter , and the porter told him to wait until the director arrived , and then to inform the director , which Chepe did . In the meantime he returned to his room and sat on the pallet and looked at don Ramon . He hadn 't really liked don Ramon , and he hadn 't disliked him either . In any case , he felt very sad . He felt sad for don Ramon , and he felt sad for himself , and he felt sad for everyone . He even felt sad for Peta . She had been pretty and flirtacious . She didn 't know what she was getting into when she got married , any more than he did . They were just kids . They didn 't know anything . Her mother . What could Peta do ? She was caught in the middle . She only could do what her mother had taught her to do . Later , after the director arrived , Chepe helped carry don Ramon , wrapped in a blanket , out to the main door , where he was loaded into a pickup truck and carted away . For ten days after don Ramon died Chepe felt very depressed . For the first time in a long time he strongly craved a drink . When Rosa came the next Saturday he begged her for a few quetzales , but all she had to give him was the usual fifty cents . He drank that up right away , but it didn 't help much . He slept more ; he slept most of the day when he could . Then one day , about two weeks after don Ramon 's death , Chepe woke up with a decisive attitude . He had to get out of there . No one was going to help him . He 'd have to buy his way out . It would probably take a lot of money , to bribe the director or whoever , but he would do it . Even his attitude about drinking began to change . It disgusted him the way the others could only talk about drinking . It was true that he was jealous of the ones whose families supplied them with enough money to regularly patronize the porter , but also he was learning to live without . He was proud of his ability to keep fifty cents in his pocket for a week and not spend it on booze . Eventually he cut his drinking down to one bout per month , and then he cut it out altogether . He began to save the money Rosa brought him every Saturday , and the proceeds from the cake sales . He hung around the hammock weavers , and after a while he learned how to weave hammocks . When he had saved enough money , he bought some skeins of string from the porter ( who had a string business too , and who bought the finished hammocks from the inmates to sell on the outside ) , and he began weaving hammocks . In a few months he had a sizable nest egg saved up , more than fifty quetzales . He had settled into a daze , in which nothing really penetrated except for the porter 's payments for his hammocks and the daily tortillas and slop . " Here you are . " he said , handing Chepe the receipt . " The next payment will be due … " consulting his calendar , " August 12th . In the meantime I will solicit the judge . You must give me some personal data , and the names of three witnesses as to your good character … " Chepe gave him the information , and the names of Rosa and his mother as character witnesses , but it took him a long time to think of a third character witness . He finally gave the name of Mrs . Juarez , his mother 's next door neighbor and best friend . Mrs . Juarez would do anything his mother asked . He got up , thanked the Licensiado and shook his hand , and left . He felt so good that afternoon that he even whistled a tune to himself as he wove his hammock . One morning , several weeks after his visit to the Licensiado , Chepe received a message that there was a woman waiting for him at the main door . It wasn 't Saturday ; he wondered what the matter could be . When he got to the door , he looked out and saw Peta . He was flabbergasted . He didn 't know what to think or feel , nor what to say . He just looked at her in surprise . " My lawyer drew up some papers . I have them with me . All you have to do is sign them , and I 'll go to the director 's office and sign you out . " There was a long pause . Chepe looked at her through the grill . Her eyes were lowered . Her face was gaunt . She had a pinched look around her jaw , as if her shoes or brassiere were too tight and she was trying not to show it . She had lost weight . She wasn 't pretty anymore . When he had married her , she was pretty . Well , whoever gets her now is welcome to her . She was looking at him . There was no life in her eyes ; those eyes that used to smile shyly . He guessed that , if he could see himself , he would see the same thing : a hollow , dull - eyed wreck where there had once been a cocky young macho with a gleam in his eye . " Who knows ? He treats me okay . He 's a good lover . He brings home money . He doesn 't get drunk . " she said pointedly . There was a long moment of silence . He looked at her drawn face . He felt a wave of warmth for her , but with a deep gulp he swallowed it back down . He turned and shut the grill . He walked slowly back to his room and lay on his pallet . He felt sad . He felt like he wanted to weep , now , but no tears would come . It was funny , to finally see Peta again , and instead of being angry with her , he felt sad for her . Funny world . But he wasn 't about to trust her with his freedom . He got up again and went to Licensiado Ruiz 's office , but it was after two o ' clock and the door was locked . He 'd have to wait until morning . " Okay . Then can you handle the divorce and signing me out ? I don 't trust her . I think she 'll get the divorce and scram . " Peta thought about it a moment , and then agreed . She handed the papers she had brought through the grill , and Licensiado Ruiz examined them . She dug into her purse and came out with a fifty quetzal note , and passed it through . " The papers are in order . " Licensiado Ruiz said . " I 'll go speak to the director . " " I don 't know . I 've thought about it . For a long time , that 's all I thought about . I don 't know . I 'm sorry , Chepe . " He passed it through the grill , with a pen . Peta signed it . Licensiado Ruiz went back to the director 's office , and then returned . He handed the porter a document . The porter examined it slowly , and then said to Chepe , The porter opened the door , and Chepe passed through . Peta was looking the other way . He walked up to her and put his arm around her . She startled and turned to him with a searching look . He felt a tear coming , so he looked down and steered her gently with his arm , and they walked together down the steps and out into the street .

Well , where am I ? On a greyhound bus , with forty other guys , every single one of them is quiet . No one is talking , I heard one guy go into the bathroom awhile ago , and when he came back out I saw that he looked almost like the cartoon character that got sick . I think I will name him , Elmer . Heh , it seems strange to me now , that I can even notice small things like that , because when you think about it , in a few hours I will be in the same position as these guys . I am not even sure what I am going to do the moment I step off this bus and have some guy screaming at me to move , move , move . The guy I am sitting next to on the bus says his brother told him , ' It is a bunch of Hurry up and wait . ' Hurry up and wait , doesn 't that sound like growing up ? As children all we could do was to be in a hurry to grow older , but we had to wait . Then as adults we realize we were so stupid . Ha , I am only 18 and even I know that . I am on a bus to join the country 's ' fighting boys ' , how 's that for trying to grow up too quickly ? Anyway , I need to tell you something , it is about when I left Joy 's house yesterday . Well in all honesty , I need to ask you something as well . So here goes , and hopefully you will forgive my stupidity for being a coward . Remember when we were all out on the deck , just enjoying the quiet ? When I looked over at you I saw you staring at me , I knew right away you caught me staring back . But you never said a word , and I feel so stupid for not asking you to go for a walk . Would you have said yes ? Would you have asked me why all I could do was stare at you ? Maybe I would have been able to tell you then , that I have stared at you like that since we first met at the camping grounds , that one year . God , five years ago seems like a life time ! You came with the Mackenzie 's , every summer . It had just been us , as in the Blackmore 's and the Mackenzie 's . No friends were allowed , just the families but then you came that year , and broke my heart . Did you even know I couldn 't speak , did you not wonder why all I did was nod my head grinning , or shaking ? God what a fool I was . Scratch just woke up , that 's my buddy next to me . He was snoring loudly on the bus seat about a minute ago . The reason I call him Scratch is because he is always scratching his head . Well . . . he weaseled my nick - name out of me , a nick - name I 've been trying to hide from all my life . My god , is that what this military has come to ? Giving people weird or embarrassing names because they want to sound like those movies ? So many questions , and so little time to ponder . Elmer went to the bathroom again . This time it was quick but he looks even worse now . As he passed me I offered him a smile of ' It 's ok man , no worries . ' He nodded his head in thanks , then quickly went back to his seat . God , this letter has begun to run on and ramble I guess , I am not exactly sure what is in my head right now . At first I thought perhaps it was just nerves , but now I am thinking it is me needing you to be my priest , my dirty confessor , hell I don 't know . Just please bear with me and do not try to pass too much judgment on me . Well , the driver just announced that we will be there soon , so I guess it is time to tell you what I have waited five years and one month to say . Last night when you ran off and would not speak to me again before you left , all I could do was to wish that I was hugging you tightly and telling you that I love you . Maybe you would have returned the same words . . . I don 't know , but I wish you would have . The ringing was what initially woke Joseph up from the start of what was hopefully a very good dream , then the quiet again . Joseph groaned just slightly , and rolled over in the bed , his head spinning just slightly but that was ok . He could sleep it off . Tomorrow he had nothing to do , he thought . Friday was his day off , or at least what he considered his day off . Getting up at nine in the morning was a blessing for him . Groaning quietly again , he rolled to the side of his bed . Each time he tried to focus on the numbers on his clock , they would slowly shift out of whack . Better off going back to sleep he thought , at least then that incessant ringing would quit . Rolling back onto the other side of the small bed , he closed his eyes and in his half sleep , half awake slumber he thought to himself , what was that ringing ? It wouldn 't stop and wait . . . why was it in short bursts like a phone ? Was he finally losing his marbles ? One day of being a civilian and he was already going nuts ? Bolting upright , he quickly knew what that ringing was . It was a phone , yes a phone , those things people called each other on . Quickly scooting to the edge of his bed , he stood . While his legs seemed strong enough to hold him up , his head sure felt like it wouldn 't . Walking over to the wall beside his bathroom , he picked up the handset and brought it tentatively to his head , hoping that it wasn 't some emergency with his unit . Wait , what unit ? he thought , I am a free man . His eyes quickly snapped back to his alarm clock , on the military looking night stand . Three in the morning . Why would his mother be calling him at three in the morning , half way around the world ? Did something happen ? Did dad get in an awful wreck ? " What fli . . . Oh god the wedding , the flight . . . The . . . Holy fuck ! Bye mom , I will see you tomorrow ! I gotta go . Love you ! " he said quickly , staring at his room , and looking at the blankets of his bed which were only a sheet and a rough wool blanket . " Holy what ? ! ? Just because you are speaking to your . . . Oh fine . Hurry up honey , You had a long night , I 'll bet . Make sure not to miss your connector and we will leave your jeep in the over - night parking . Third row from the right . I left you something under the seat . Don 't forget to look . We are at the Mackenzie 's , if you get stuck , give us a call there . " " Mom , wait . I am not sure I will be able to stop by their house before the wedding . I don 't think I will have the time . Go ahead if I am not there and I will see you at the church . " " Yes dear , she will be there . Now hurry up and catch your flight . I love you , make sure you shave . " Always the mother , Joseph thought with just the faintest of chuckles . Hanging up the phone , Joseph looked around . This was the last time he would look at this room and he wanted to take a good long look . Three years here and what had he done with it ? Sadly , he thought , nothing . There was the lone picture on the wall of Luke , Joy , Alissa , and Isabelle but what else ? Looking around the sparse confinement he could only laugh . Nothing . That was the scary fact . Nothing had been done beyond the basic essentials . He used to have a television in the corner but that was before he gave it to Sergeant Morales two days ago , along with the stand it came with . The writing desk that had also been used as a night - stand , had nothing but a lamp and alarm clock on it . The lime green cement walls had certainly been meant for more than just that one picture . But with a dreadful feeling , he had picked up some of the superstitions of the army . Rule number one he would remind himself , never leave too much for a buddy to have to clean out . It was supposed to make it easier and less heart breaking on the poor guy who had to clean out your locker and room . It wasn 't that he really believed it but he had to clean out one of his privates ' lockers two weeks after he got to the base . Not a pleasant experience , especially since he barely knew the guy . His buddies looked at Joseph as if he was the devil himself while doing it , but Joseph had taken his responsibilities to heart and knew that he would expect no less of someone else . ' Writing the letter ' , as they would call it . That was what deadened his senses . It was supposed to be short and to the point but it wasn 't . He couldn 't help telling the private 's mother and father that he barely knew the man , but was so proud to have a hero like him in the squad . When the letter came back , he read it with a sense of fear . Asking around , not a single sergeant had ever received a letter back from a parent , but he had . Opening it with dread , all he had to do was read the first line to know that the parents blamed him for their loss . Maybe that was why he did it , not out of superstition but knowing that every one of his men had parents who might blame the poor man writing them . Looking around the room , he felt a sudden jolt of elation and suspense . This was only a chapter in his life ; he had much more to go . ' I made it , Joseph ! ' He heard in his head . ' I made it ' , that simple statement brought a warm joyous feeling , but then again that small corner of his soul that he 'd made sure to wall off asked , ' Did you ? Are you so sure you made it ? ' Answering that question was not safe , Joseph reminded himself , not safe at all . Maybe when he got home , done with the wedding , done with seeing her . Only when he was old in his bed and almost dead would he answer that question . Quickly packing up the last of what he had left till this morning ; only small things really . Shaving kit , his dress uniform and the alarm clock . Beyond that were his notebook and a couple of pens . Throwing the things quickly into his pack , he walked over to the wall . Looking at the picture , he couldn 't help but smile . It had been taken that trip when Isabelle came to the camp in southern Kentucky with the Mackenzie 's for the first time . All of them had a goofy grin , ' the terrible five ' the parents had called them , but like most times in his life , he had chosen to stay behind the camera instead of in the picture . Arms around each other , the three girls and Luke . God , they all looked so young . Luke and Alissa both fifteen , Joy and Isabelle were both thirteen like him . Something more though was behind those smiles . Maybe the innocence , maybe the not knowing the future . Whatever it was , he doubted a picture of them now would reveal much more than simply happy grins , and if it did ? What would they see ? God he thought to himself what would it show ? Army green was his choice today . He knew he might catch hell from his captain but to hell with it , he thought , it 's not like he doesn 't do the same thing when he has a choice . The Captain was tall and lean , with black and gray sand speckled hair , a deep tan with a still rock hard body . He and his wife lived off base along with their two daughters , Emily and Melissa . The older of the two , Emily , being 24 and the youngest being 14 . The house they lived in always reminded Joseph of home . It had a warm welcoming atmosphere . While almost every Wednesday he was there for dinner with the family , he had always made sure to be polite and courteous but there was a sneaking suspicion with a lot of the base that the Captain had finally found a son in Joseph . He in return thought of them as his family . Walking to the mirror in the bathroom , he watched closely as he finished his tie and buttoned his coat . Looking one last time , he nodded his head . Good shape , he had shaved before he went out the night before and was happy to admit shaving for him had never been a more than once a week routine . His black hair , short and closely cropped , was still growing in from the last hair - cut he had gotten . While he had slowly grown out of his baby fat , he still looked young . At twenty six years of age , he sometimes still got carded when he went on leave to America . He was six feet tall , with a very athletic build . While he did not force himself to work on his body , which thanks to good genes came easily , he still would spend a couple hours a week in the gym . His gray eyes were one of the most striking features of his lean face , they seemed to be the color of a dark stormy sky . When he looked to both of his parents , who had blue eyes , he could not help but wonder sometimes ; but then again , if he looked to his pure blooded Irish grandfather , he knew that instant he had been blessed with his black Irish roots . The slight tan he had gotten since he came here was what set his lop - sided grin off . He would sometimes look mischievous when he gave that grin . Most men in his squad had quickly learned that if Sarge grinned like that , they were going to have very angry mothers at home , if they heard what he was planning . In the green dress uniform , he looked slightly older , but not much . When he had originally come to the company , his Captain had asked if he was ready for jail or not . Unsure how to respond he said nothing . With a loud cackle of laughter , it was then explained to him that as young as he looked , most people would assume he had lied about his age to join . Only a groan escaped his lips as he shook his head at the Captain 's humor . Walking away from the mirror with a smirk , he could not help but remember that conversation , where it seemed each of them was playing chess ; each trying to gain the upper hand and figure how to approach the other with what would end up as almost a father - son relationship . Going back to the wall with the phone , he picked it up and just for a moment stared at it . Gathering his thoughts , he dialed up the number he knew from heart . " Yes sir . Scout reporting for his last call , sir , " Scout said quickly , almost too quickly he thought . If he had said anymore , he might lose his composure and not be able to speak . " Good God son , your mother called here five times ! Do you have any idea how much that woman scares me ? " the man laughed loudly , " She thought you were going to miss your flight and have that pretty lass on your wall all alone for the wedding . " " Yes sir , just finished up . Remind me to tell you which of the men you should wake up early for some PT . The bastards had me out drinking and trying to celebrate my leaving . " " They 're going to miss you . Perfectly natural to want to get drunk , especially when one of my men is leaving . Have yourself out of the barracks in five , son , " the captain said , and then promptly hung up . With a slightly bewildered look at the receiver as he pulled it away from his head , Joseph hung up the phone . Well , he thought , all I can expect is him to be quick . Although it surprised the young man , to think that the captain would be so quick to hang up , Joseph had wanted to speak to him more and thank him for all the help , and advice , he had received . Maybe the Captain expected this and decided he was finished talking . Shaking his head again , this time with a touch of sadness , he walked over to the wall , looking one last time at the picture . He took it down from the wall . Putting it carefully in his pack , he zipped up the backpack and walked to the foot of his bed . Grabbing his green army duffel bag , he slung it over his right shoulder , while carrying the backpack by its handhold . He walked to the door , opening quietly so as not to disturb his neighbors , he turns around , closing the door , leaving it unlocked and his room key on the desk . Someone else 's room now , Joseph thought . The walls will soon be staring emptily back at someone else . Walking down the darkened hallways , he quickly put one foot in front of the other . He wasn 't exactly sneaking away , he had told everyone he would be leaving this weekend , but didn 't happen to mention that he actually had an early - morning flight on Friday . Not good at goodbyes , he wrote his squad and friends a short letter saying where he was going and his address . Then said goodbye . Short and simple he thought . As he walked by the message board , he pinned it quickly to the cork board . Written on the envelope was simply ' From Sergeant Blackmore to ALL ' . He knew he would get letters and calls from most of them but he still did not want to have all those people out there and have it get even sappier than last night at the bar . Opening the door to the front of his barracks , he was slightly curious to see two cars parked close by ; one a military Jeep , the second was a black Honda Civic . Even more curious was that they both had their engines running , their headlights shining brightly into the black , cool early morning . Then quickly the Jeep pulled up beside him as he started heading off to the garage . Looking to his left , he looked into the interior of the jeep , the top still on , he saw Captain Jones . " I got that one in Burma , Scout . The drinking there . . . Wow . . . ! " Captain Jones smiled . Jones quickly put the car in gear and pulled away from the door , leaving the barracks and getting out onto the road . " Oh yeah , sir , forgot that , " he laughed loudly , as he looked over his shoulder spotting the black Civic again . " Sir , you aware you got a tail ? You 've had it since the barracks . " " Wow , that was very observant . . . That is Marge and Emily . They both wanted to see you off , so I thought we would take you to the airport . " the older man said sadly , " Sorry about Mel , she just couldn 't do it . . . Poor thing . . . " he shook his head . When Joseph looked at him with slight a slight nod of his head , he still seemed a bit unsure of what to say . Captain Jones laughed , " Now don 't bother trying to act like you 're not a part of my family , Scout . Trust me , if that little girl you write to every week didn 't have your head wrapped around her little finger , Emily would have beaten you till you married her . " While Emily certainly would have made Joseph a wonderful wife , Melissa was the Captain 's 14 - year - old daughter . She had always turned a bright pink whenever Joseph would talk to her , or smile at her . Joseph had truly come to think of them both as his own family . Then as he turned left out of the base , he looked back into the mirror and spoke again . " Marge and I wanted to be sure you got off in time . She was beside herself earlier , when she told me it was like letting one of her own kids move out . She and I both consider you one of our own . " Looking over at the Captain , Joseph sat stunned . While he had always thought he had been treated better than almost anyone else Captain Jones ever dealt with , the meals at his house almost being a regular event , he still had never heard the Captain say anything of how close they felt he was to them . He knew he looked up to them both as parents , but shock was still there . " How do you mean , sir ? " Joseph asked still in shock but then quickly looking forward . His thoughts moved a thousand miles a minute as he tried to assemble the pieces of the last words he heard . " Well next week you will wake up as a civilian . I have had many men re - enlist two weeks after they got out . Some adjusted ; some found the lack of direction too much . " " Well , Scout , I want you to do me a favor and think about it for a few weeks . I know you will want to start on your life but do me that favor and think about it , " Jones said but then continued , " You might do well , you might not , son . Just remember you can do anything you set your mind to . If you come back , I will see you get promoted quickly , and hopefully you will be able to attend officer candidate school . But if not , I expect a call once a month , at the least . " " Sir , I have been thinking about that as well . I mean I really have no idea what I will be doing . I kinda thought I would just fall into something when I was done , at least I thought so a couple of years ago . " Joseph paused to quickly gather the his thoughts . " But now , I honestly want to do something with my life . I don 't think I want to work in a factory . . . " " I see . " Jones said , " Well factory work is an honest living . But only for the man that wants that life . You son , have a good head on your shoulders and you are highly intelligent . I think working in a factory would ruin your mind and creativity . I think you should go to college , but whether you do become a teacher is up to you . But get a degree son , do not be a grunt . You are too smart for that . " " Thank you sir , and I would like to say I know . But then I . . . I 'm not sure . Too much can happen now that I will no longer be expected to be up at a certain time and in the field , " Joseph said quietly , his mind a thousand miles away . Each time he tried to speak , he failed to come up with a complete thought . " I know , son . God knows I do , " Jones replied , then looked over to the sergeant beside him . " But you 've got time , a lifetime of mistakes and happiness ahead of you . Do not forget that . " For a long time they both sat silently in the jeep , each with his own thoughts . Joseph for his part was debating with himself , repeatedly , whether he was right to have gotten out . The wedding would have been no problem ; he had saved up his vacation . The only thought that ran through his mind , was two months ago when he was out on a patrol . He had relaxed somewhat . He had what many had come to call the ' last year sickness ' . It was where a man got close to the end of his contract and was relaxing , not worrying as much as he had before about making it through . That was until he had taken the wrong footpath and stepped onto a land mine . It should not have been there , the army engineers had gone through the path a day before , but there it was . He was quietly leading a patrol through the night , down a long sandy road , over and on the side of it , so as not to spook any vehicle that happened to come by . One false step , and all he heard was ' click ' . Quickly freezing his body , he stood planted , throwing his fist up and signaling the men behind him to halt . He could not breathe , his lungs felt like they were in his head . His heart far into his throat while his stomach had just landed somewhere near his feet . Not daring to move , he turned his head ever so slightly and looked behind him to his men . Each was crouched down and scanning around themselves , a new guy was right behind him . What was his name he thought , how old was he ? Then quickly to the corporal behind him , motioning him to come forward , the corporal came up quickly with a questioning look . It may not have been the correct word to use in a situation like this , but it was all the corporal needed to hear . He took a small , but very quick , step backwards and turned to motion another man forward . After a quick conversation they both crouched down , and began to move the sand gently and slowly away from the area around Joseph 's foot . The corporal came back up with rivers of sweat dripping down his face . He whispered behind him , for the men to take up defensive positions . As he looked back to Joseph , he had a strange look of calm on his face . Only the sweat dripping down and off his chin , gave away the true thoughts he held to himself . " Sarge . . . It 's exactly what you think it is , I will try and see if I can disarm it . Just . . . well . . . don 't move , " he winked to Joseph , and quickly bent down . A half hour later , they were all back on the trail again , moving ahead quickly . Each man now , especially Joseph , being more careful than they had been for months . Joseph had gone back three spots , so that his nerves could work themselves down from the ends of his hair . Shaking his head to free himself from the thoughts running wildly through it , he looked back over at Captain Jones . He saw that he had been watched as he relived that moment . " Just thinking about the dud sir . " " Good . Because you need to remember that dud , when you see her at the wedding . It will give you that rush of nothing left to lose , " Jones said with a warm smile . " Sir ? I can barely think , or even breathe when I see her . She is the one and only person who has ever made me feel like a complete mute . I doubt even that would help me , " he laughed quietly to himself . " Believe me son , from when I first saw you as a young punk , you have grown into a fine upstanding man and soldier . You have led men into battle , and into places few ever see or want to see . You have been bloodied with the rest of us old men . You will do just fine son , trust me . If you need any help speaking , just think of what would happen if I found out you didn 't try , " Jones said with a smile , but also with a faint hint of sadness in his voice . But just as quickly as it came , the sadness disappeared . " Funny Sergeant , but trust me when I say ' trust the training ' . You just remember who you are , and what you have been through . Let the rest come naturally , and for god 's sake do not dance with the poor lass . Emily limped for a week after you tried fast dancing with her ! " Jones howled with laughter , after looking over to Joseph 's mock - offended look . Looking back on that hilarious night , he realized that he really did want to dance with Emily , but was more worried about his blossoming relationship with the family . When Emily had literally begged him to dance with her at the Company dance , he balked many times with many very good and some even true excuses . Being an absolutely horrible dancer , the real but unspoken reason was that he in all honesty did not know how Captain Jones would respond . Flinging himself out onto the dance floor with Emily , he had found more luck . The first two songs they danced to were slow , but that did come with some problems . One , he had no clue where to put his hands . Second , he had even more no clue how to dance slowly with the Captain 's daughter . Emily quickly took charge by taking his right hand and placing it on her lower back . Then taking his right hand and holding it in hers , she winked and nodded her head over to her father . When Joseph looked , he saw Captain Jones laughing again in pure mirth , as he watched the young man standing straight as a plank . The Captain grabbed his wife 's hand and as they walked out onto the dance - floor , he smiled to Joseph . Unlike the rest of the dances he was dragged onto the floor for , those two had been both wonderful and sad . Each time he would look at Emily , she would smile and tease him . But when he looked back out into the slight darkness , he would think about how easily he could imagine doing this for the rest of his life . He knew he would have more work ahead of him , but Emily would have made him a wife he would never be ashamed to say that he loved with all his heart . With that one fateful night six months after he had arrived to the base , he became a part of the family . A few times he and Emily had gone out on dates , or they went to the dances together . But she had known something was amiss that night at the first dance , so when she asked who was waiting for him at home , he spilled his guts . Every word he said brought a smile or frown from her , but he could tell she understood and would not pressure him . Thankfully , it seemed like they were more friends than anything else , although Captain Jones ' wife did not look at it that way , he was either their son or their daughter 's future husband . One way or the other , she was going to be having him a part of her family . " Son , I would have been beaten to death if I had said no . But I know where your heart belongs . I know that if you had wanted to marry Em you would have made the best husband I could have chosen for her , " the Captain said evenly , as he nodded his head back to Joseph . " Isn 't that the truth ? However , she is more like her mother , in that respect . She wouldn 't have let you settle for anything but what she thought the best , " Jones smiled , and then looked ahead onto the road . Nodding at the airfield ahead , he said , " Well son , looks like we are almost there . " Joseph had a hard time concentrating on much of anything as he watched the airfield becoming larger and larger . Each second seemed to stretch out into eternity , but quickly passing . Looking to the field he closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them quickly , resigning himself to do what he knew he had to . He pulled the backpack from between his legs up into his lap , and quickly straightened himself in his seat . The whole flight he thought , should take about 17 hours . But minus eight hours for his time zone , he would be arriving into Louisville about noon , today . Strange , he kept thinking to himself . He never seemed to be able to grasp how he could be flying for such a long time , and then end up only having gone an actual eight hours difference from where he started . For the flight , he had no clue what he was going to do for that whole time . He could hardly think of what to do for the first hour beyond trying to hold down anything he had drank the night before . Flying for him had always been a sketchy thing . At best he was a poor flier , at worst he was a terribly sick person , who could barely make it to the bathroom . But as the old adage said , ' If you can 't be happy , make sure you are quiet about it . ' " Sir thanks for the ride and well . . . Thanks for everything you and your family have done for me over the last , what is it now . . . five years ? " Joseph said to Jones . " You 're welcome son , but remember you are a part of this family , so you never need to worry about having a place to sleep , or someone to talk to , " Jones said , " Five years ; doesn 't seem that long does it ? I remember the first time I saw you . You came into my office looking like you were going to fall over if I waved a feather at you , " Jones said , his voice full of amusement and mirth . " Yes sir . I had no clue you were going to be such a pushover . I worried this would have been like the real military , " Joseph quipped . Joseph had saved quite a bit of money while he was in the army . He tried to live as cheaply as possible . Using his pay - checks sparingly , he ate at the base cafeteria , he bought only what was absolutely necessary and what he had to in order to survive . This was not to say he was a penny pincher by any means , but he wanted enough money when he got out to be able to go to college , with the G . I . Bill . The extra money he wanted to put it into investments and stocks . He had a broker at home who made sure each week that at least half of his paycheck went into stock re - investments or into a savings account . His parents while far from being in the poor - house , were only at the most at the top of the upper - middle class bracket . They had always made a comfortable living ; his father being an electrical engineer , while his mother went into chemical analysis . Each worked for the huge corporation Hewitt - Gramble . They lived in the Cincinnati - suburb Montgomery . Their house was set well back from the street they lived on . It had a tall privacy gate at the end of the driveway , and a tall wall surrounding the property . Like most families , Joseph 's was the typical family full of function and dysfunction at the same time . No outstanding quirks like those that a few of the families on their street had showed , but they still had their moments . He had one older brother , Luke , who was two years older than him . When they were younger Luke was a well behaved terror as his mother would say . Luke would try to see where exactly every line he could cross was , and do almost a ballet dance on the line , never exactly crossing it , but having a dancers grace of pulling back each time he felt the line was about to break . Joseph on the other hand , had always been a very quiet and reserved child . Never one to cause too much mischief , he was more likely to be found out in his fort in the back yard . All matter of things went into that fort , from his favorite blanket named booger because of the awful lime green color it was quilted with , to his parents ' toaster . Each had served a valuable purpose in the fort ; the blanket was his hero cape , the toaster his science experiment . His imagination was his greatest toy though , because it would lead to learning everything , from exactly how to take apart a lock for his parents ' room to sitting down for hours and playing with his action figures , always giving them a life of their own . Later Joseph and his family moved away from his childhood home in Louisville Kentucky , to Cincinnati Ohio . It was a much different city where the lines of who he was and who he was to become crossed each other so many times that he could barely recognize the child he once was . Back then things seemed very simple to him , he would grow up , become a hero in the military and that was it . No real aspirations beyond that . He would laugh sometimes at night when he laid in his bunk , as he thought back to those days . When a trip to the ice cream store would fix any possible problem he could ever think of . Thinking back to those days , he vaguely remembered going into the small convenience store just across his the street from their house in Louisville . He was about ten on that fateful day . Ten years old , and full of the innocence of the young , one which would be broken forever . He had walked with his father to the store , after dinner . Today was a treat for just him , because he had successfully pulled up ever single weed in his mother 's garden , leaving the large plot of land behind the house in Louisville a lush and beautiful place of wonder . He had often lain out back there during his summers , between the rows of vegetables , looking up into the sky . It was a refuge unlike his fort . There he could think of anything and everything he wish . " Well when you use a cord to say a lamp , it is rubber coated . Therefore it is insulated , since rubber is a poor conductor of electricity . In all honesty though Scout , rubber can conduct electricity but it is almost not noticeable . Inside the cord are a ground wire , a hot wire , and a common wire . The hot wire is what comes from the power plant , through the power lines to the house . It is what gives us the electricity to turn on the lights or keep the refrigerator running . " " It also turns on the T . V . , the vacuum and mom 's hair drier , right dad ? Okay got that , but why does it not hurt me to put a fork in the power socket , or when I touch the cord ? " Joseph quickly asked his father as he watched the much taller man with rapt attention . As they entered the small store , Joseph had kept his questions up , each time he had finally grasped one concept of the talk , he would quickly try to find a fault with the logic his father explained . Why is rubber such a poor conductor if electricity could still go through it ? Or better yet , why not use wood , water , or metal . Each answer he knew before he asked , but he wanted to know why the electricity seemed to have so many limits but was still so powerful . " Enough , enough , enough ! " his father called out as he laughed at the pure inquisitiveness of his son . " How about this Scout , tomorrow when I get home from work , we can head over to the library and we will find a book that explains why exactly electricity can be used on a body , but only in small amounts ? That way when you learn , you will also have a full amount of reasons and explanations . " " Okay Dad , but I am not sure if I really understand the difference between ac , and the dc thingy . It kinda makes sense but it doesn 't sound right , " Joseph said as he quickly looked over the candy aisle and headed back to the large coolers of pop . Eying a bottle of root beer , he grabbed one quickly , all the other ones from Coca Cola , to Nehi orange looked nice but his favorite was root beer . Heading back to the where his father stood speaking to the elderly man behind the counter , his father looked down at the boy . He shook his head slightly with mirth , asking quietly , " Root beer again ? Scout some things you seem to love I guess . But root beer is your obsession I suppose . " Shaking his head quickly , Joseph brought himself back from the childhood memory . Too many things to think about , he quietly told himself . And some of them not safe to think about right now . It had been like this lately for him . It seemed that every time he had a moment to think about things , his mind would slowly begin to slip back in time . That might have actually been why he stepped onto that mine when he did . What is wrong with me , he questioned himself quietly in his head . Why could he not quit thinking of his past , which had to be the reason for that mistake he made ? " Ah , I thought so . Me saying your name three times didn 't really get your attention . I thought you might have fallen asleep until I looked at your open eyes . " Joseph looked at the Captain and nodded . It was the only thing he could think to do that would work for him at that moment . He was leaving the life he knew . And he had no clue where his new life would start .

We have had a pretty busy weekend around here . On Friday morning we had our Music Together class . After that I took the boys to my office , because Ryan has been asking where I work , and all kinds of questions about my office . Plus , my boss has been wanting to meet the boys since started , and it has just never worked out before . We got to my office about 11 : 15 , and discovered my boss , " Jane " ( not her real name ) was the only person in the office . One of the ladies had called in sick , and the other person was a client 's office . So Ryan and Cole had the place to themselves . Ryan walked right up to Jane , stuck his hand out to shaker her hand and said , " Hi , I 'm Ryan . Nice to meet you . " He was so cute and not shy at all ! Jane got stamps out for the boys and let them stamp their hearts out . Cole progressed from paper , to stamping his shirt . Of course , I dressed them up in nicer than normal clothes , so I have yet to see if the red ink will come out of the shirt . I finished up a tiny bit of work , while Ryan and Cole " worked " too . They were very busy three - hole punching paper , highlighting accounts , and of course stamping . Then Jane was trying to fax a really long document and Ryan was very interested in the fax machine . I tried to move him away from the fax , while Jane was trying to use it , and Jane told me it was OK - he wasn 't in the way . Then Ryan said , " Yea Mom , I 'm working with Jane . " He proceeded to follow her around the rest of the visit , and ask her about all of her pictures of her family on her desk in her office . The favorite part of the day was the shredder . We have a closed and locked bin where all documents go , and then once a month a company comes and shreds the entire bag . We can open it if we need to , but there is a slot where we slide the papers down . Ryan and Cole were just enthralled with that . I guess for little boys , that was just way too cool . Another funny thing was about half way through the visit Ryan told me he had to go pee . I took him to the bathroom , and after he was done , he asked , " Is this where Jane goes poopie ? " I had to laugh at that one . As we were leaving Jane told Ryan and Cole that they had both been very good boys , and they were welcome back anytime . Ryan smiled at her and said , " OK , we 'll come back then and finish our work . " Then he hugged her . I would have to say that I think Ryan has a little crush on Jane , which is very sweet . On Saturday I took Ryan to his friends fourth birthday party , where he of course , had a ball . He got to dress up as a fireman , make a train placemat , play grocery store , play with all kinds of trucks , trains , and toys , and play outside . The party was in a city - operated preschool , where they have birthday parties on the weekends . The best part for him was the birthday cake - of course . It was fun for me too , because Cole stayed home with Joe , so he could have his nap , so I got to visit with my friends more than I normally do at parties like this . It was a nice afternoon . Then the reason Cole needed his nap was we went to my dad 's house for dinner , to see my grandmother , Mimi , who is in town for a few weeks . She comes to " the big city " to get away from the cold winters where she lives . Mimi is the only great - grandmother that Ryan and Cole have , so it is very important they visit with her when they can . Ryan gave her lots of hugs , and Cole did too , once he got used to her . We had a yummy dinner , and got to visit . Today Joe , Cole , and I made a Costco run , while Ryan was at Grandma and Grandpa 's house . Then Joe took Cole out there , and I found myself alone - with no kids . How often does that happen ? I went for a really , really , long walk and it was great , despite it being windy . Now I am off to fold some laundry and get some dinner ready . I am also excited about the Academy Awards tonight . I LOVE to see all the fashions , and will write my " Mama 's Blog Second Annual Academy Awards Fashion Reveiew " tonight , hopefully . So check in later to see who made my best dressed , and worst dressed list , as well as the overall winner in my book for best and worst dressed . Enjoy the show dah ' lings . Cole has been saying lots of single words just in the last week . His favorite is " no . " The other day I asked him if he could say " big bird , " and he tried , and it kind of sort of sounded like it , but probably only to me . He is talking so much earlier than Ryan - I don 't think we got a word out of Ryan until he was almost two . I am sure having a constant chatterbox around him , better known as big brother Ryan , doesn 't hurt . On Wednesday night , we were having dinner at Joe 's parents house and we were discussing the eclipse . We wanted to take the boys out to see it , but it was too cloudy . We started talking about the moon . On the drive home , when Cole looked out his window , he exclaimed , " Moon Mama ! " He was so happy to see the moon , and be able to communicate to us that he too , knew what the moon was , and what we had been discussing . I 'm not sure if I am ready to start hearing Cole talk so much . He is so sweet with the little smiles and head shakes he gives . On the other hand , his voice is just so cute , I smile everytime I hear it . Guess we are moving into another stage , whether I am ready or not . This post has moved , and can now be found by clicking HERE ( you may have to click on the link in the pop - up window that appears ) . It has been moved to the new A Mama 's Blog site . Thank you . I have been looking around for some cute baby clothes as a birthday present for my niece who will be one in April . A few nights ago , I was looking on Old Navy 's website , and got to the section where they have swimwear . I couldn 't believe my eyes when there was an itsy , bitsy , teenie , weenie ( striped ) bikini for a baby girl , starting at age 6 - 12 MONTHS ! The bikini top was tiny , and so were the bottoms . I know babies this age can get by without a swimsuit - lots of parents just put them in a diaper and that is it . That isn 't what bothered me . What bothered me was that they actually make bikinis like this for babies . It looked liked they were trying to make the bikini overly sexy , and alluring . Having two boys , I have never run into this . Swimming suits for boys are trunks . I don 't know if they make Speedos for baby boys , but I have never seen a swimming suit / pair of swimming trunks for a baby boy that looked like they were trying to be sexy . This just seems so wrong . It seems like our society pushes kids to grow up so fast anyway , but making overly revealing bikinis for baby girls just seems like it is crossing a major line . I wanted to post a picture of the bikini in question , but I was pleasantly surprised to see it was not on Old Navy 's website as of today . I can only hope they got complaints and decided to remove it . The other option is that they sold out of it . That would be scary . However , there were still bikinis for babies that I thought were questionable . I wondered if it was only Old Navy who is trying to sell these . I looked at Gap ( same parent company as Old Navy ) and saw their bikinis were better than Old Navy , but the tops still bothered me , AND their sizes started at 0 - 3 months . Children 's Place was better , and they had one bikini which covered way more than the previous two stores , and one which looks like a tankini , which I don 't have a problem with . Then I looked at Target - they have bikinis starting at size extra small , which I would assume would be about age 4 or 5 . They were much more age appropriate in my opinion . There was one toddler Dora bikini starting at age two , which seemed age appropriate . I wonder why Old Navy and Gap are trying to push skimpy bikinis off on baby girls and newborns ? It is times like this , when I am glad that I don 't have a daughter . Who wants to think about having to deal with these types of swimming suits when she isn 't even one yet ? If stores are marketing swimming suits like this for babies , it makes me cringe to think what is down the road for girls in our society . Let them be babies for pete 's sakes ! You be the judge : here are some pictures of the bikinis I mentioned - what do you think ? Is it just me , or would you let your baby daughter wear these ? I got my first Valentine 's Day card from my eldest son on Sunday actually . While I was out shopping , Ryan and Dad made my card . Ryan was so excited to give it to me and couldn 't wait , so I got it that evening . It is a beautiful , big , heart , with stickers on it . Dad wrote out the words , but Ryan traced over them . It said , " Happy Valentine 's Day , Mom - Love Ryan and Cole . " It is the best card I have ever received . Then at preschool on Tuesday , the teachers helped Ryan make another card , which he wanted to give to me right away too . It is has been like a homemade card bonanza around here this week , which is really nice . After work today , we had dinner at Joe 's parent 's house . Grandpa took Ryan out for some chocolate shopping today for Grandma and myself , and Ryan and Cole were so pleased with themselves when they pulled out the boxes of chocolate for us . I have to say I was quite surprised ! After the boys were asleep , Joe went out the to car and brought in not one , but TWO dozen roses for me - the picture at the top of the post . I used to be a florist and was thoroughly sick and tired of roses this time of year , so Joe just never bought them . However , that was many years ago , and I miss them now . Since I can usually arrange them ( I did all the flowers for my wedding ) he doesn 't bother having them arranged . I arranged them , and it was really fun . I didn 't have my floral arranging secrets ( foam or tape to keep the roses in place , or even stockier greenery ) , so the roses flopped around a bit , and didn 't stay quite where I wanted them too , but I still love them . The entire kitchen smells like roses ! Tonight Ryan kissed me goodnight and told me I was his special and best Valentine . He gave me a hug and said , " Goodnight Valentine . " It was so sweet , I got tears in my eyes . I know people always talk about Daddy 's little girl , but you don 't hear too much about Mommy 's little boy . My little boy is just the apple of my eye , and such a sweetheart . He can melt my heart in an instant . Since Sunday , he has been showering me with hugs and kisses for Valentine 's . I think it is a tiny glimpse into his heart , and it makes me stop and realize how much he loves me . As a mother , you do so much for your kids , you lose track . You don 't remember all the nights you are up with them , all the tears you dry , all the scratches , bumps , and bruises you kiss , all the messes you clean up . You never realize all these things are registering somewhere in their brains . One day , if you are lucky , and I certainly am , they are old enough to express their thanks and love for you , for doing all these things . I think that is where Ryan is right now . It is just the best thing ever . This has certainly been the best Valentine 's Day I have ever had . I am very fortunate to be surrounded by so much love - love that I don 't always think about , and take for granted . It has been a great reminder for me , how much a simple gesture can mean , and how it can show your love . I think we have officially moved into potty training Cole - all at his insistence . What a difference this time around . Here is a summary of how we prepared to potty train Ryan : Around 18 months , we decide we should start prepping Ryan for potty training . We buy a potty training potty , and a toilet insert so he can sit on the toilet if he wants , without falling in . All the books , articles , and speaking to friends , tell me some kids like to have their feet on the floor , and some like to sit on the toilet . We start " talking up " potty training . I become almost OCD , asking Ryan if he wants to sit on the potty , every hour . He never wants to . I try harder . I switch him to cloth diapers , so he will start getting used to having a wet feeling , assuming this will all move him in the direction of wanting to use the potty himself . At 24 months , I feel like a complete failure , because Ryan is still not potty trained . More advice from friends and the doctor tell me usually boys aren 't fully potty trained until three or four . I can 't see myself changing diapers for another year , especially since I had Cole on the way in four months . I decide to keep him undressed from the waist down during the days we were at home , in his Baby Legs , assuming this will move him in the direction of wanting to use the potty himself . Cleaned up more pee on the living room floor during this time than I ever thought possible . Watched movies about Elmo , and Joshua ( Once Upon A Potty ) , going to the potty so many times , I lost brain cells . How bad is it when you can 't get the Going to the Potty song out of your head , and you know all the words ? At 35 months , I still had an " untrained " toddler . I also had a 6 month old baby , and have been changing diapers for two . Ryan is slowly , slowly , wanting to use the potty more , but still likes his diapers . Nothing I have tried has been the magic key to unlock the treasure chest of the toddler going potty by himself . Out of sheer desperation , I decide when he turns three ( in one month ) , I am going to stop his diapers " cold turkey " and he will only wear underwear . I also resort to the experienced potty training mom 's top secret weapon - the M & M . ( Let me just say , this was one of the things I swore , vowed , and told myself I would never , never , do , before having children , when I knew everything there was to know about raising kids . M & M 's were for those other mom 's who couldn 't get their child potty trained . ) At 36 months , operation Potty - Training - Because - I - Am - Going - Nuts - Changing - Two - Sets - of - Diapers - Everyday , was underway . God bless the M & M ! I am sorry to every mother I ever judged for using them , because after a year and half of me trying , suggesting , gently reminding , using a sticker chart , toys , movies , books , and anything and everything else , the M & M finally does the trick . It is the key to the toilet for the toddler ! Ryan actually wants to go on the potty , and starts doing it himself . God bless the M & M ! After going through all of that - ( and that is the short version ) , I am in no rush to potty train Cole . He has been interested in the potty for months , watching Ryan very intently when Ryan goes . When Cole was about six months old , I came across a Baby Bjorn Potty at a consignment sale that I got for Cole . It was smaller than the potty chair we had for Ryan , and if nothing else , I thought he may like sitting on it when it comes time for him to watch Joshua ( it is the same type of potty that Joshua uses in the book and movie ) . Cole took a liking to it right away , and has often sat on it , sometimes even taking his diaper off . As of lately , he doesn 't like to sit on it without his diaper . When Joe was watching him one afternoon before Christmas , he saw Cole 's cues , and had him sit on it . Cole used the potty . He has done it a few times since , but since we are not training him , it hasn 't been consistent . During the last week , I have noticed that Cole will pull his diaper down , and he 'll be walking around the house with his pants and his diaper to his ankles . One time I tried to pull the diaper back up , but he threw a fit . I noticed then , that the diaper was wet . He doesn 't like the feeling of the wet diaper ! ( Can I get a Hallelujah ? ) He has also started coming to get us , the moment he is done pooping . He points to his bum and won 't do anything until we change his diaper ! ( Can I get another Hallelujah ? ) Today , after his nap , I was folding laundry and he kept pulling at my hand . I thought he wanted to show me a toy , and I kept telling him in a moment . He was just as insistent and wouldn 't stop pulling on my hand . I finally put the laundry down , and asked him what he wanted . He took my hand , and led ME to the bathroom , pointed to his potty and sat down . He started making his little potty noises , but he wouldn 't let me take his diaper off . He was so proud , and it was so cute . He is trying to be such a big boy , but just hasn 't made the connection that his diaper actually has to be off for the whole potty thing to work . Here is a picture of my proud little boy : When he stood up , he had gone potty . I know he 'll eventually figure it out - that he has to take his diaper off , before he sits down , 😉 and so far just leaving him alone has worked out well . It also helps that I am not pregnant , and stressed about getting him trained before a new baby arrives . But what a difference a second child has made . Maybe that is the secret - leave them alone , and they will figure it out . Turns out I didn 't potty train Ryan - he trained me - he trained me to realize that steps and milestones will be made and reached when it is time . Yes , the M & M 's helped , but they were a tool . What I failed to see at the time was , he just wasn 't ready . The M & M 's only worked because Ryan was ready to use the potty on HIS timetable - not mine . Lesson learned . So , this is the attitude I take in with me , as Cole starts potty training . I can 't quite believe my " baby " is ready for potty training though . But , I think the second time around will be much more enjoyable for all involved . Somehow I don 't think I 'll be needing the M & M 's this time 🙂 One reason I always wanted a girl , was I just assumed you had to have a girl to go shopping with . Ryan is not a shopper - he is just like his dad in that area - go in , get what you need , get out as quick as you can . Cole , on the other hand , takes after me . He loves looking around at all the people , and he loves touching clothes , and just seeing what is going on in the stores . I have to be in the right mood to shop , or else I hate it , and fortunately , both Cole and I were in a shopping mood today . We started out at Old Navy , where they are having a huge baby sale - all baby / kids clothes were 40 % off . I stocked up on tee shirts and shorts mostly for Ryan for the summer , since Cole will have plenty of Ryan 's hand - me - downs . They were all on sale for $ 3 . 90 each . I did get both boys one matching outfit - a navy and gray shirt , with matching shorts . Then I found a nice work / dressier occasion black short sleeved blouse for me on sale for $ 7 . It was triple that originally , so I scored there . I looked for a birthday present for my niece , who will be one in April , but I just didn 't see anything that I liked . I take that back - I saw this adorable onesie , which fits my niece to a T , but they only had newborn sizes . However , I got my friend , who is expecting her first baby , a boy in March , a gift , ( not sure if she reads my blog or not , so can 't say what it is , other than it is cute ! ) I had a coupon for an additional 10 % of everything , so I saved quite a bit . I was getting hungry , so I stopped at a bakery and got a chicken walnut salad sandwich . Cole had eaten before we left , and didn 't want any of my food , except for the delicious oatmeal raisin cookie that came with it . He sat on his chair like such a big boy and smiled at everyone who walked by . While we were eating , I saw a new mother sitting a few tables down with a baby that looked about a month old . They looked so happy and calm . I wondered if I ever looked that happy , or if I just always looked as frazzled , and tired as I felt . After we were done eating , it was off to Children 's Place , where I had another coupon for 15 % off . We went shopping there right before Christmas , so I figured I had seen most the merchandise , but I have another friend who is also due in March with her first baby , but she doesn 't know the gender . I thought I would see if there were any cute outfits that would work . Now I know what everyone went through with me - we didn 't find out the gender either time . I really wanted to get her some things , but everything was so gender specific , I couldn 't . I did find one nice little gift though , that will work for a boy or a girl . I also found two long sleeved graphic shirts for Ryan for next fall , that were originally $ 14 , marked down to $ 5 . 99 , and then they were 50 % off that . With my coupon they ended up being $ 2 . 54 . Not bad for two brand new cool shirts . One had a snowmobiler on it , and one had a helicopter scenes . Right up Ryan 's alley . Cole was starting to get a bit tired , but I wanted to go to New York & Company to see what kind of jeans they had . I debated on stopping at Pottery Barn Kids first to let Cole play for a while , but it is so hard to get him out of there - he never wants to leave . So I decided to go to NY & Co . first . They were crazy busy ! It was my lucky day to need jeans , because they were having a sale on all their pants - buy one get one for 50 % off . And , yes you guessed it , I had a coupon for $ 30 off , if you spent $ 75 . I have never bought NY & Co . jeans before , but my sister has a few pairs that are really cute . Plus , I can wear jeans to work if they are nicer , and it seems like the jeans there are a little dressier . Plus they have tall lengths , which I usually need . Because of the sale and my coupon it really did make sense to get two pairs - two pairs would cost me $ 10 more than one pair . But , I was out of luck . The jeans were so picked over , I only found one pair that were my size , and they weren 't even the long length . I tried them on anyway , and surprisingly they were long enough . I even asked the sales person to see if they had anymore jeans in my size . The store was so cramped , and the aisles were very narrow , it was NOT fun trying to maneuver a stroller through all of it . The sales person told me I must have the only pair in my size - she couldn 't find anymore . I was still going to get the pair I liked , and found some great sweaters for work and a blouse , all marked down from $ 36 to $ 7 . 99 . Then I spotted a clearance rack by another dressing room that had some more jeans on it . I looked through every pair , and the very last pair , was my size , in a long length , with a design on the back pockets that I really liked . After trying them on , it seemed like they were a little too long . I guess they don 't mess around - tall means tall ! Usually tall is like half an inch longer than the regular length . Not at NY & Co . ! But they were so cute , I decided to get them anyway , and I know Joe 's mom could hem them up for me . While I was standing in line , I noticed EVERY fashion conscious person in the store ( you know what they look like - they aren 't mom 's who have dried chicken salad from lunch on their black shirts , and pushing a toddler in a beat up stroller ) had on really long jeans - most had the hems to the floor , and were standing on them . I guess these pants were the height of fashion . Maybe I won 't have them hemmed - now if I could do something about the dried white mayonnaise spots on my black shirt . I was over the $ 75 mark with the sweaters , but after using my coupon , I got $ 30 knocked off . I am really happy I found two nice pair of jeans I can wear to work if I want to . Here is the first pair , and here is the second , long , pair . Cole was really getting fussy at this point , so we went to Pottery Barn Kids , and spent the next hour there . He was having a blast playing with the toy kitchen , stove , washing machine , ironing board , and vacuum cleaner . It also was not crowded at all , so he had the toys to himself . Almost everyone who walked by and saw him playing told me how sweet he looked . He would stop what he was doing , and wave at that the person . Finally , he was getting so tired , I had to pick him up and carry him out of there . He cried , but he stopped as soon as we started walking in the mall again . He fell asleep on they way home . Hopefully we are set on clothes now for a while . It was a really nice , fun , and laid back day , and I really enjoyed spending that one - on - one time with Cole . Oh , and if you are wondering how I got so many coupons - the last time I was at Old Navy , the reciept selected me to take a customer satisfaction survey for the 10 % off . So I did , and I got a code when I was done . For the other two stores , I am on their mailing list , and they send coupons quite regularly . You can sign up on - line at their websites , if there are any shopping trips in your future to these stores . It finally warmed up today . Ryan received an air rocket launcher for his birthday ( over a month ago ) , and has been dying to use it , but it has been too cold . Today when he saw the sun was shining , he said , " Today is a nice day . Can we go to the park and shoot off the rocket ? " After breakfast we headed out , only to discover it was way too windy to shoot the rocket off . We took the boys to the park instead , but the wind was very strong , and was making it cold yet again . After about 15 minutes , we had to call it quits . We came home , had lunch , and then the boys took a nap . When Cole woke up I took him to the health food store , and the grocery store for groceries . The wind had died down , and it was wonderful . Cole and I didn 't even need our jackets . Joe took Ryan to finally shoot off his rocket . We all got home at the same time , and Ryan had so much fun with the rocket . He kept saying he hopes it is warm tomorrow , so he can go again . While we were eating dinner , Cole was particularly fussy - he didn 't want to eat , but he kept pointing to my plate . When I offered him my plate , he would just start fussing again . We couldn 't figure out what the problem was . I was trying to get Cole to eat something , but to no avail . I tried bribing next - I told Cole if he ate his food he could have dessert . Even that didn 't work . But Ryan , not missing a beat , had to point out that he was already done with his dinner and he was going to get dessert . I told him that was correct , but we were going to wait for dessert until Cole had eaten . Frustrated , Ryan pulls says to Cole , in his best stern Sir Topham Hatt voice , " Coley , you are causing confusion and delay . " I just burst out laughing - it was so funny , and just perfect timing . Later , as they were getting dressed after their bath , Cole was goofing around , and was not being very cooperative , when I was trying to get him to stay still , so I could put his diaper on . Again , Ryan tells Cole , he " is causing confusion and delay . " I got my hair cut yesterday . I realized it had bMy Alzheimer 's is behind me ! I finally , finally , found the bag of art supplies I have been looking for now , for several weeks . Were they in some obscure place ? Nope . They were in a Dillard 's bag , in the front closet - the closet I have checked at least 20 times before . Don 't know why I never found them before , or how I missed them , but I was very happy when I came across them yesterday . I think what threw me was the Dillard 's bag . I hardly ever shop at Dillard 's . I can 't say when the last time I was there . I don 't know where the bag even came from , so I think when I saw it , I figured it was something really , really , old in there - like clothes that need to be donated or something like that , and I just skipped right over it . Now we 'll see if we get another snowy day , in which the boys could actually use the supplies before next winter . My Alzheimer 's is gone , but now it has hit Joe . He has a bad habit of forgetting to close the garage door . Someone could walk right in our house this way , or just help themselves to his myriads of tools on the shelves in there , and we would never know they were gone , until that day he is looking for that one tool , and can 't find it . Joe carried in the groceries for me this afternoon around five . We carry them in through the garage , since it leads right into the kitchen . Tonight at 11 , the doorbell rings . We were watching a movie , and wondered who in the world would be at the door that late ? Joe answered it , and it was our wonderful neighbor across the street . He told us he was sorry to bother us , but they were getting ready to go to sleep , and had noticed that our garage door had been open all night , and he knew we usually keep it closed , so he wanted to let us know . Thank goodness he did . That would have been great - leaving the door up all night . I check it sometimes before I go to bed , but not always . I told Joe we need an alarm or something . Tomorrow it is supposed to be warm again , and no wind . I desperately need some new clothes . I won 't complain , because I finally , finally lost all my baby weight for good , and then some . I have forced myself to stop eating dessert every ( only occasionally now ) night , and surprisingly lost almost 10 pounds . So once again , I don 't have any jeans that fit great . I 'm hoping to sneak off to the mall for some shopping . I also have a friend who is due in March with her first baby , and she is having a boy . I know they are having some great sales right now too , so I want to get her baby some goodies . 🙂 We 'll see how that goes . I have to take my Jeep back into the shop on Monday . We had it in last week for a tune up , and the shocks were shot . After we got it back , it idled very rough , and the check engine light came on . Guess they didn 't fix it right , or did something wrong . So I hope to get all those little things done tomorrow , since we 'll be home - bound on Monday . Hope you can stand all the excitement around here . At least we aren 't sick . J I finally got the first aligner in a series of three today . I had no idea what to expect - I guess I thought it was like a retainer . The hygienist snapped it on , and Holy Crap ! I about came out of the chair ! It was so dang tight . They wanted me to " practice " taking it out , and I couldn 't . It is such a tight fit , I thought I was going to need pliers to take it off . I finally managed to get it off , after I broke two nails , and had drool / slobber running down my wrists . Good times . Anyway , I am supposed to wear this now for the next 4 weeks , 22 hours a day . I can take it out when I eat , or drink " staining " drinks like coffee , tea , or wine . In a month I go back , for a tighter one , repeat the process , and then go back for the final one , which I don 't even want to think about , how tight that one will be . I barely remembered how much braces hurt - it has been almost 20 years , but it is coming back to me rapidly , wearing this aligner less than 24 hours so far . Once I have it in , I get used to the soreness somewhat , but when I snap it out , my teeth really hurt . The good news is , is it is very thin , clear plastic and you can 't even tell it is in . Joe didn 't even notice , until I pointed it out . Since it is so thin , it isn 't rubbing against my gums , or making me gag or anything . They took before pictures , so I 'll be anxious to see how it all works out . The boys did well at the office . I worked this morning , picked them up , ran to the bank , and then we went to the orthodontist . There is a really neat wooden school bus play station in a nice playroom , at the office , which they love . When I was called back , I was sitting there for a few minutes , while the hygienist was gathering everything , and I hear a loud whisper , " No Coley . You can 't go back there . " I turned my head around and saw my two little monkey 's standing at the entry , deciding if they should go any farther . I brought them back with me . They were thrilled . The nurse gave Ryan the remote control to the TV , and turned on Mulan for him . She put headphones on him , and the thought he was all that ! Cole sat in my lap for a few minutes , and then decided to play chair operator with the buttons on the bottom of the chair . I didn 't know this until the orthodontist tried to move my chair back up , and it was locked . He looked down to see what the problem was , and we saw Cole pressing all the buttons . He had deprogrammed the chair ! Fortunately , the orthodontist said he had a little button pusher at home too , so he was very understanding . Now I just hope I don 't lose or as lately , misplace the aligner . I have a really " cool " case for it . Something a teenage girl would like to slip her retainer in during lunch hour - it 's all glittery and in rainbow colors . 🙂 1 Comment After putting both boys down for their naps , and they were both tired , I decided to take a nap too . We are all still trying to get over our colds , so I thought a little extra rest wouldn 't hurt . Ryan returned to preschool today too , and was yawning from the moment I picked him up . He usually takes a nap with no problem . As I laid down , all was quiet , and I fell asleep . I was awoken about an hour later , with " Mommy , Mommy , I have something in my hair . " I sat straight up and looked at my adorable 4 - year old , whose hair was white , sticky , and sticking straight up . I couldn 't imagine what he had gotten into - it looked liked a sticky , gooey , paste . I thought Ryan had put shaving cream in his hair . I asked him what he put in his hair , and he just smiled . He wouldn 't answer me . I saw his hands were white and sticky . I asked him again what he had put in his hair , and still got no answer - just a grin like the Cheshire Cat . I took him with me into the bathroom , where I saw Joe 's hair gel container open , and most of it gone . While I was trying not to laugh , I told Ryan he knew better than to play with Daddy 's gel . He just kept smiling with the cutest little smile . I wanted to take a picture , but didn 't want to encourage him . So I cleaned off his hands , and put his head over the bathtub and washed his hair . I kept thinking I should have taken the picture - it was priceless and now I 'll never have that again . But , I really wanted to emphasize the point that he shouldn 't have done that . I made the decision at the time , but in the future I think I 'll tell him something like I have to take a picture to show Daddy , but it is not OK to play with the hair gel . When we were done , he asked , " Mommy , do you know why I put the gel in my hair ? " I told him no , but I thought it was because he was trying to be like Daddy , but instead he said , " Because the back of my hair was sticking up and I wanted to smooth it down . " Well OK then - how do you argue with that ?

Well , it is time to sign off of 2013 and maybe even reflect a little on the progress that Jason has made . It is a little on the strange side to think that we started this year in Bethesda , MD , and yet are now back here in San Diego , CA . He was an inpatient , not really knowing what was going to be happening and now he is nearly healed , and feeling better , AND Gracie , the service dog , has come into his life . The next steps are an upcoming surgery ; the acquisition of a vehicle ; and , having a home built for him . All of this is very exciting , and we are looking forward to getting to a more independent and productive life . Heck , he 's even looking into enrolling into some college courses , just to get his brain working in that direction again . Thank you , to all of you . Over these past 2 + years ( getting close to 3 ) you have been showing support and letting us know you 're there . All your continued prayers have been keeping us strong and helping to keep Jason moving in the right direction . This is the 860th posting for the blog , and though it is short ( I really am kind of tired ) I hope you can feel the appreciation being sent with it . Again , thank you , for all the continued support . Take care and stay positive . This blog to be continued into the next year and probably beyond . Happy New Year - 2014 ! Today has been another of those great days where we didn 't do much but we did enjoy each other 's company . We went to Jason 's formation this morning and because I was guessing it was going to be a shorter engagement at the base ( meaning I really didn 't think they would have classes ) and I guess I was right because at a short while after 08 : 00 Jason called me and let me know that he was done . I met him over at the same place I dropped him off for formation and then we were on our way back to the house . We got back to the house to find the ladies ( Linda and the girls ) all having fun and still in their pajamas . Jason said he wanted to take us all out for breakfast , and then go on to Costco to pick up some things . It was decided to head on over to a restaurant that was close to Costco and that way we wouldn 't have far to drive , after we were done . Breakfast was over , and we all decided that we wouldn 't want to go there again ; service was poor and the food was done poorly . Anyway , we headed over to Costco . We got there is less than a minute ( it was close to the restaurant , remember ) , and there were no parking slots open ; or , at least none that we saw . We quickly realized that there were a bunch of folks out doing their last minute shopping for the new year parties that were going to be happening , and on top of that it was close to a payday . We decided that going to Costco was probably not such a good idea right now , and that we could just pick up a few things at the Grocery store . As a result we simply turned around ( actually not as easy as it sounds ) and headed back to the house . Once at the house we all got going with doing some straightening up of the place , since there were definite signs that Christmas happened just a short time ago . After this was accomplished , the girls went down for a nap . What is really good about that is that they both will tell us they 're tired and want to lay down . . . Really , they do tell us . Linda and I decided to head over to the grocery store and pick up the things we needed , and since Joselyn was now here we could do it without any concerns or worry about time . Thanks to a gift from the ASYMCA ( Armed Services YMCA ) , we had been given a Honey Baked ham , so I said I would cook that for dinner , which I did . It was very tasty , and the best thing was that I didn 't have to clean up afterward . Linda said since I did the cooking she would do the clean up . . . worked for me . The rest of the evening was spent having more fun with the girls and then Jason reading a couple of stories with them . Grandma and Grandpa put the girls down for the night and then we got a chance to just be with the two of us , not doing anything . Not sure what tomorrow is going to bring , but if it is anything like today it should be a very nice one . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . We got up early this morning and made ready to head up to Los Angeles to visit with our son David and his family . The only thing was that Jason and Gracie were not going to be going with us . Because of the trouble she is having with her right front leg , the vet said she simply needed to rest as much as possible , and she can only do that if she just stays home . The good news is that the rest seems to have done some good . When we came home this evening she was walking around in a much more normal manner so I am guessing that the pills she has been taking are acting much like an anti - inflammatory medication as well as a pain relief . We 'll see over the next couple of days how that goes . Anyway , we spent the day up with David and Miriam and had a very relaxing and fun time . The four grand kids were great and had a great time together . their ages are ( or will be in a couple of weeks ) 1 1 / 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , and they alternate between David and Jason . . . believe it or not , they didn 't do that on purpose . I was pleased with the drive up and back , as we didn 't experience too much traffic , and only saw a couple of smaller accidents . The accidents still did gum up the traffic , but not to the point that it ruined the trip and we still made pretty good time . Tomorrow Jason has formation , and I know it is the last one for this year because this is the last Monday of the year , and there are no more Fridays . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Kind of a laid back day , with not much going on . We put the trash and recycle bins out last night , but there was still more to put in . Most of it was recycle , and even afterward I found a box full of cardboard that didn 't make it out . That 's okay , it is only one box , and they 'll get it next week . After getting up this morning , I went for a quick ride ( I 'm attempting to stay more dedicated to my riding so that I will be ready for the EOD ride this coming year ) and put in a quick 10 miles . Jason had made an appointment for Gracie , with the vet , so I had to be sure I was back in time to clean up . We left for the vet appointment and once at the doctor 's office we didn 't have to wait very long at all . The doctor is a thorough look at Gracie and couldn 't find anything definitive about why she is limping , but there is a noticeable limp . After he and Jason discussed it , it was determined to provide her with some pain meds and Gracie was to be put on bed rest for the next two weeks . After that we bring her back if there is still a problem and the doc will take another look . There is a high likelihood that x - rays are going to be on the agenda , if she continues to limp . The vet said that she may have just sprained something , but couldn 't identify specifically where it came from . The real important thing was that Gracie was comfortable with him checking , and he seemed to know how to handle her . Other than that we just stayed at home and let the girls play with all their new toys and things . This also gave Linda an extra moment to get some rest , and that is a good thing for sure . Tomorrow we will be headed up to see David , Miriam and the boys , Dylan and Ethan ( our son David and his family ) . The only down part is that Gracie isn 't supposed to travel so Jason is staying home with her . Perhaps that is a better thing , since the house will be quiet and the two of them can get some real rest . Jason has been left alone before , for several hours , and we anticipate this time won 't be any different . Worst case he has his cell phone and Medic Alert within reach . We 've already spoken with David and he understands that we won 't be staying very late , we just want to get some time to let the kids play , and we would like to see the family too . It was the night after Christmas , when all through the house , everybody was resting and not wanting to grouse . All the energy expended ; all the participants drained . Now what do we do , but start over again . The girls came back , to spend the day after with their dad , and Grandma and Grandpa , too . It was Christmas all over again , YEAH ! It 's Christmas take two ! The day was spent with Linda heading out early to go mingle with the day - after shoppers , as this is something she really enjoys doing . She sometimes buys a few things , and other times she doesn 't ; what she really tries to do is just watch the shoppers as they go on their way exchanging or looking for bargains . Jason was engrossed in a program that he found on YouTube , and was happy to just sit back and relax , so I put together a quick breakfast for him and then I took off for a bike ride . I figured that the traffic was going to be lite , and it was , so I was able to comfortably head on out for a 15 miler , and really enjoyed the fact that not too many cars were on the road . It was still pretty early ( about 07 : 45 ) when I left , and traffic wasn 't picking up until I was well on my way back home . Funny thing is , even with low volume traffic , there was this really nasty four car accident right at the end of the ride . Two of the cars were about 50 meters apart and a couple of others in between , and the two that were at the extremes really looked mangled . It was right where I had to turn to get back into the housing complex where we live , so I got a pretty good look . My guess is that it was somebody going way too fast for conditions and was thinking that because of easy traffic they could get away with it . . . wrong . The rest of the day was us taking care of a few things and then Linda and I going back out to pick up a few things , and having a nice quiet lunch together . We found this great little Mexican restaurant and will probably be going back there , now that we know where it is . When we got back Jason wanted to head over to the pet store to get a new cage for Mr . Jingles ( the rat ) , and a few more things . The other cage was getting a little beat up by Mr . Jingles chewing on it all the time , so Jason wanted to set something up where he would be happier and occupied with other things to do , like a wheel to run in . Anyway , we were all back at the house and Linda put out a few more decorations that she found and we just sort of waited for the girls to show up . Of course there was dinner in there and the usual cleaning up of everything , then finally , as I stepped out to see one of the " new " decorations Linda had put up , I saw the girls coming up the walk . Actually more like running up . They saw me come out and yelled out , " Grandpa ! " and started to run up to see me . Obviously they weren 't alone , so the girls came in and Stacy was particularly excited . Stacy 's tooth had come out since our last visit and she was so proud to show us . Then it was down to looking at all the presents under the tree . We were all in the front room and Jason was doing the directing , which made me particularly happy , and he had the girls open up a couple of the presents . We didn 't want to go through all of them because the needed to get to bed ( it was already past their regular bed time ) , and on top of that Jason has an early formation call in the morning and we need to get some sleep too . Jason and I will be heading out early tomorrow and the girls will be staying here with Grandma , and after we get back home , then they get to open the rest of their gifts . Tonight Jason went in to tell them their bed time story and made sure they were all down and settled for the night . Jason has a couple of other appointments tomorrow , so my guess is that we 'll be back home in the morning , though it could be late morning . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Merry Christmas TWO all and to all a good night . . . ; - ) Today has been a very good day for all of us and it started out just as we would want it to . Since there were no kids here , this morning , we all slept in . . . at least for a little while . I was up at about 08 : 00 and went out for a bike ride . Both Linda and Jason were still sleeping and it was a wonderful day out . I got on the bike and went in the direction I normally do , and found that there weren 't too many vehicles on the road . This made it a very nice ride , and I considered it my Christmas present to me . The cool part was that I was feeling pretty good and made the 12 mile loop in almost exactly an hour - and that includes stops for red lights ( there was just enough traffic to trigger a few of the lights ) . I got home from the ride and started to work on getting the two of them up and moving . Just as I was becoming a pest to Linda , my brother called from West Virginia . It really wasn 't a surprise , I was just happy that his timing was excellent . If he had called sooner he might have connected with me while I was out on my ride and then I wouldn 't have been able to talk with him very long . Actually , I did get a call while riding , and I got to talk with my son Sean . I spoke with him for a couple of minutes and then suggested that he call the house - I found out that he did . Anyway , after getting off the phone with Bruce I moved to take a shower and eventually we were all up . After that we headed over to The Broken Yoke and then off to Alpine to look at some properties . We wanted to do this on our own , just to get a feel for the area and to see what was there . We did find a couple of interesting places , but I don 't think they really fit into the scheme that Jason is working towards . We 'll have to sit down with the Realty folks and talk to them about it . Just a few minutes after we returned home I received another phone call , and it was from our son David . He and his family were also enjoying the Christmas Day fun , with their kids , and Miriam 's mom at the mom 's house . We need to figure out a good time when we can all go up and visit with them again , perhaps in a few days or next week some time . The rest of the evening was spent just relaxing and enjoying being around each other . The interesting thing was that the food we at The Broken Yoke was still with me , and I really didn 't feel hungry at all . We still put together a simple dinner , and now we 're coming to the close of the day . Not sure what is going to be happening tomorrow , but I would guess it will be enjoyable . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . This morning the girls came running into our room and jumped into bed with both of us still attempting to wake up . Stacy announced that Christmas is tomorrow and we needed to be ready for it . As it tuned out the girls ran back down stairs and I took the opportunity to get up and at least brush my teeth . I was actually planning on going for a bike ride when I walked into Jason 's room and he reminded me that there was an appointment today , this morning at about 10 : 00 . I went back up stairs and let Linda know what was going on and then headed back down to get breakfast for Jason , and the girls . We all eventually got ready and we headed out to the hospital . Linda wanted to get in some last minute visits prior to the Christmas " shut down " and Jason and I to the appointment . The appointment was with Plastics and Dermatology , at Wound Care . Everyone was amazed at how well the wounds were doing and we got a chance to discuss the next steps with the doctors . We are now looking at the end ( or at least the second half ) of February for the surgery that is going to be taking place . As soon as a date is set we will be notified and we can look forward to Jason 's healing process being that much closer to being as complete as we can get it . There was also a second conversation about a conference that will be held , in about a year , and they would like both Jason and I to participate in it . They want a perspective of a patient as well as the care giver , of a very serious injury . Jason and I said we would be happy to help , especially since the purpose of the conference is to bring awareness to others in the medical world . The rest of the day was spent back at the house . We had some time to play with the girls and then they were taken over to the other house , where they will spend Christmas . Effectively it will simply be back on the established schedule , and we 're just going to have to have Christmas a little later in the week . Tomorrow we are going to figure out what we ' er doing , as we get into the day . I have already let Jason and Linda know I would like to go for a bike ride , so that will be in the morning . After that I can 't say what we 're doing . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Merry Christmas to all , and to all a good night ( apologies to Clement Clarke Moore ) . . . : - ) Jason was required to go to formation this morning , as I mentioned yesterday in the blog . The formation turned into a class , so Jason sent me a text and said he would be at a class , but anticipated it would be short . I took the opportunity to go speak to a few people there , and wish them a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays , and the timing worked out pretty good . As it turned out , I was done and back to the building he was meeting at the class , and I only had to wait for about 10 minutes . Actually , I found out , that he was done with the training class and there was a different meeting going on ; one in which he received a few more gifts for the girls . The tree is really looking pretty good with a bunch of stuff for the girls . While Jason and I were at the base ( Balboa hospital and Wounded Warrior Battalion ) Linda was back at the house working on wrapping a few more gifts and a few more decorations . When we got back to the house we picked up Linda and headed over to pick up the girls , it was now close to 10 : 30 . Jason wanted to go and take the girls to see Frozen , the new animation movie , and so we did , with first a stop for lunch . Typically we don 't like to spend money for lunch , because we usually have plenty of food at the house , but this time we felt it would be faster , since the restaurant is right next to the theater . Well , we had plenty of time and the meal was paid for by someone else . An anonymous person covered our bill , and we don 't even know who to thank . The movie was fun , though a little longer than we thought it would be . We headed back to the house after the movie , and the girls went to take a nap - they were tired . Tonight we had a fun and relaxing evening with the girls . We watched a Christmas animation movie , that lasted about 20 minutes , then it was story time and off to bed . Dinner was simple , and that was okay , as it got rid of some of the left overs we had in the fridge . I did get to see some of the Niner game against the Flacons , and was very surprised at the results . I thought the Niners were going to win , but for a while it did look very much like it was going to go the other way around . Tomorrow I 'm not sure what we will be doing , other than tomorrow evening when the girls will be going back to their other house . We won 't see them again until Friday , and that 's when we will have our day of opening gifts . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Apologies , that there was no update yesterday . . . though there really wasn 't much to update about . Jason did take Gracie to her training , while Linda and I stayed in the van . We stayed back so that we could catch up on some of the paper work we had to take care of . Otherwise we stayed at home or went to the grocery store . Oh , yes , and one other thing , Linda and I put up some Christmas decorations up , both inside and outside . So now on to today 's update . Jason spent the entire day in bed , and I was glad to see it . He said he was feeling like he had the flu or a bad cold . By the end of the day though , he was feeling much better . The day was spent wrapping some gifts and getting ready for the girls to come back tomorrow . I did get to watch some football , and it was enjoyable as I really didn 't care who won the games played today . The Niners play tomorrow and that one I really care about . Okay , I do care a little about a couple of the other teams , but only because of how it could impact how the Niners end their season and go into the playoffs , but otherwise I didn 't care much about the scores . Linda was having a great time with the gift wrapping and actually stayed up a little while tonight wrapping some of the packages . Tomorrow Jason has formation at 07 : 30 , so we will be going off early . It is anticipated that the formation won 't last too long , and there really isn 't much else to be done at the base , so we 'll head right back to the house . We may stop and pick up the girls , but that depends on the time . In any event , they will be with us relatively early . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Well , the big day finally has arrived . Linda is coming in tonight and I am happy to see that happen . Actually right now I am just waiting for the flight to get in , and then I 'm headed off to the airport to go pick her up . Jason said he wants to go also , though he is asleep right now . . . guess I 'll have to wake him up . . . ; - ) The day started out like most of the past Fridays , with Jason and I getting out of the house early to get over to the base for his formation . I was even talking to him , on the way over , about why they would still have this formation , this close to the holiday . He said he just had to go , and that the schedule is something that he has to work with . Anyway , as I dropped him off I said I was going to be headed back to the house so I could get a short bike ride in , and that he should call me when he was done . He was expecting to have to attend a training class or two , and that usually means he would not be ready to come back until close to 10 : 00 . As it turned out , about 20 minutes after I got back to the house he did call me . Luckily I had not gotten out on my ride yet , though I was just ready to walk out the door ( actually just putting on my shoes ) . Turned out that there was an activity planned and for whatever reason the message didn 't get back to him , or apparently several other guys who were all trying to figure out what was going on . Everything turned out okay . I still got my bike ride in , and this time I decided to go a little longer , since I wasn 't concerned about having to get back to pick him up . The rest of the morning he just stayed down and after I got back from my ride and showered , we both took off to do a little Christmas shopping . We were gone for a little over an hour , maybe two , and we picked up a few things . We got back to the house and shortly afterward a " new " refrigerator showed up . It is nice to have the refrigerator in the place where it is supposed to be , again . The rest of the day is pretty much just the two of us staying at the house , and me doing a couple of loads of clothes . Now I 'm off to go pick up Linda . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers and take care and stay positive . Another great day for Jason , in San Diego . We had an early start and we were done before 11 : 00 . We came back to the house and I fixed lunch . We both just sort of laid back and watched the TV for a little while . Then I decided that I needed to do something . It was time for tree decorating . Yes , we have had our tree up for several days now , and there are some small decorations on it , all from the girls . I just wanted to have a few more decorations on the tree for when they get back . I also put a few more gifts under the tree , that came in the mail , so now it looks more like the Christmas tree I remember . I think the girls will be excited to see the changes . One of the things that has happened recently is that Jason 's water bottle broke . It was a CamelBak brand water bottle , and was actually the second bottle he 's gone through . I went down to the store today , while he was napping and bought a new , and different type bottle . It has a little greater capacity , and a different pouring system . I am hoping that it lasts as long as the previous two , but just in case I bought two extras . Tomorrow is Friday , and Linda is going to be joining us , to spend Christmas with us . Actually , it will be Christmas and New Years . Both Jason and I are looking forward to her arrival , and will enjoy our time together . The girls are going to be happy to see her too , as they keep asking about when is grandma coming back . I see a time when we 're all together , on a more permanent basis , but I just don 't have a solid date on that . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Kind of a laid back day for us today . We really didn 't do much out of the ordinary , at least not until this evening . Tonight we had the honor of attending a Christmas pageant , at Stacy 's pre - school . She asked us to be sure to come , so we did , and it was great fun . She sang ( well , okay , she and the rest of the class sang ) The 12 Days of Christmas and another song ( right now I honestly don 't remember the name of the song ) . She was very happy to see us there , and the church was packed . It was actually kind of amusing how the parents all acted . Each grade level came up to do their song and each time you would see a few parents come up to make sure they could get some photos . When Stacy 's class came up it looked like each of the student 's parents and grandparents were all trying to get the best shot . As it turned out , Jason and I were fortunate enough to already be in the front , so we had clear shots to get pictures . I 'll post some tomorrow , as I am too tired right now , and I need to get up early . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers , take care and stay positive . We met at the hospital , by the flag pole , and then headed out to take a look at the first piece of property . On the way I let Tim drive as I was needed on a conference call with Linda ( and even that call went well ) , so the beginning of the day was continuing to be busy . The funny thing is that at just about the time I was getting ready to hang up I lost the signal and was disconnected . From that point on my focus was on the search for property . I did get some pictures , and a couple of the lots really looked good . I won 't be posting any pictures , though , until a final location has been selected by Jason . On a positive note , one of the properties we looked at today has been rejected , so that at least helps to narrow down the selection . . . ; - ) We plan on doing another trip next week , maybe two , and Jason would like to identify the specific property before the end of the year . We were gone for well over four hours , probably more like six , and Jason was very worn out by the time we got back to the house . He laid down and in a matter of a few hours of resting he was totally sleeping and out . Actually , I would loved to have been able to do the same but conditions were such that it wasn 't going to happen . The girls were very good for me , so that made it so much easier , and by the time the got to bed they were ready to be there . I did do another Rudolf story , and it was another participation type , so it went a little longer than typically others do . That was okay though , as Stacy was able to participate and had a bunch of fun . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today has been a very good and fun day . We got the girls up early this morning because of the need to get Jason to his formation . Still , there was time for breakfast and a little horsing around , and that continued on into the evening , after I picked them up - but I get ahead of myself . After dropping everyone off , and getting back to the house , this morning , I took care of a few things and then got my bike out . I needed to top off the tires , as they were a little softer than I like and then I got all my things together . I was making my final arrangements to get out for a ride when I receive a text message from Jason - he 's done . As a result I put off going on the ride and headed back over to the base to pick him up . While there I also pick up a few things ( med supplies ) and then we head on back to the house . Jason wants to take a shower and have breakfast . I get all this done and then I can go for my ride . The ride isn 't long , but still long enough for me to get a good work out ( 11 . 5 miles ) and then I get back home . I cool down for a few minutes and then take my shower . At this point I head over to the mail box and pick up our mail , including a couple of packages . One of them is a small box from a friend Stephen E . , to Jason , and the other is a package from Nana and Tata , with gifts for the girls . We had been informed that the smaller packages inside the bigger package were already wrapped , so we could open it without concern . The girls were very excited to see the envelops and packages , and helped place them under the tree . Dinner was a simple chicken , rice and vegetables , and the girls did an amazing job of eating everything . Jason also had all he wanted so we were all happy . Tonight , after dinner and staying up a little while , it was time for the girls to get to bed . I did something a little different , instead of telling them a regular story or reading them a story from a book I had them participate in the story and Stacy had a great time . I had fun with it too , and think I might just do that again . The story was about Rudolf and Santa at the North Pole . Tomorrow we will be heading out to check out some land for Jason 's house . Don 't know much about where we will be going , or how long we will be gone . I did set a parameter that we needed to be back no later than 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) , since that is about when I go to pick up the girls . I hope the properties have what Jason is looking for , as this would allow things to get moving towards the building of his home . Stay tuned for more updates tomorrow . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Not a great deal to report on today , other than we had a great lunch with Bob and Debbie Hamer , and a small group of Wounded Warriors , over at Boll Weevil . Generally I have a hamburger when we have gone in the past , but today I tried their chicken . It was pretty good , so I just might try it again when we go next time . It was good seeing Bob and Deb , and they had a Christmas gift for each of the kids there . Stacy and Jackie were pretty excited when they saw theirs . After the lunch we headed back over to the Marine Corps Recruit Depot ( MCRD ) where Jason wanted to get a hair cut . Jason wanted me to just drop him off so I could get on back to the house to get the girls down for their nap . By the time I got the girls down and quieted , and a chance to sit down Jason comes through the door . I was quite surprised to see him get to the house so quickly ; I guess the line was either very short or no waiting at all . Anyway , he wanted to take a shower because of the hair cut , so that was what we worked on . It was his second shower of the day , and he was much more comfortable afterward . The rest of the day was spent doing things with the girls and then preparing dinner . Actually both girls surprised me with their appetites , then again it was salmon and they both do like it . Tomorrow Jason has an early formation , then training , so I 'll be dropping him off first then the girls . I might try to get a bike ride in , as I haven 't gone in several days now . I 'll have to see how things go . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today I was greeted by Stacy , while I was still in bed , and she wanted to know when I was going to be getting up . It is unusual for Stacy to be up and Jackie remaining in bed , but I guess she was tired . Anyway , by the time I did get out of bed ( just a few minutes ) Jackie had come up and now both of the wanted to play on Grandpa 's bed . They like to jump on it , and since it is so much bigger than their beds it is much more fun . I let them play for a few moments then told them they needed to get back down to their room and that I would be done in just a couple of minutes . . . which I was . After breakfast we ( Stacy , Jackie and I ) put together the Christmas tree that was have had for a couple of years now . The girls were very excited , especially since we already have some presents under it . We had a good time or an hour or so and then I told them they needed to get out of their pajamas and into regular clothes , so we could go shopping - Costco specifically . I told Jason that we would be going soon and he said he wanted to go with us . This kind of surprised me , since he said he was planning to stay down all day , but I try to be flexible . As we got into the van Jason said he wanted to go to the hospital , to go visit the new Marine who had recently been injured in a motorcycle accident . He lost his leg , up to the hip when a car ran a red light and hit him - it was a hit - and - run type accident , and I do not know if the other driver was caught . Anyway , we ended up going over there first . The visit was a good visit , and I 'm glad we went . It was good for Jason to get out and go visit another injured Marine , where Jason could provide some support and encouragement . It was also good to meet the guy 's family , and I was able to speak with them for a few minutes . The girls were remarkably good , though they are pretty comfortable being in the hospital now . I was able to have the conversation without too much distraction . The visit lasted for about an hour , and Jason gave them some good information and felt the guy was doing very well , considering that the accident only happened about two weeks ago . When we first got to the base we noticed a bunch of older cars there , and then a rather special one . The Ghost Busters Mobile was also there . None of the actors , just the vehicle . It was kind of neat to see , though the girls didn 't think anything about it . Found out later it was all part of the Toys - for - Tots program that the Marines are involved with . Anyway , we just kind of walked on past it and didn 't even stoop . Our next stop was Costco , and we went in ready to pick up some things . I even had a list that I put in my pocket . I have a regular route I take , when I go through Costco , and today was no different . By the time we were done picking up the cereal we needed I stopped and looked at the list ( first time since coming into the store ) and found that we had in fact loaded up the basket with exactly what was on the list . I felt pretty good because I have a reputation for going to Costco and almost always picking up stuff I really don 't need . We got back to the house and it was past the girls ' nap time . Fortunately we did take the time to stop and get them some lunch , so now as they are saying they are tired we can quickly get them to bed and not have to worry about putting a lunch together . The rest of the day was just a matter of relaxing and enjoying each other 's company . Tomorrow should be another laid back day . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Jason and I got up early this morning , with the intention of Jason going to formation , and then on to the " regularly " scheduled classes , that are frequently a part of Friday formations . When we got to Balboa , and only a few guys were there , Jason knew something was up . He contacted his section leader and found out that there was no formation today , and that the only thing to worry about was the Holiday Party going on tonight over at the Crown Plaza . I was going to attempt to get in a bike ride , but that wasn 't going to be happening this time . What we decided to do was to head back to the house and just go to a movie . Jason wanted to get over to The Men 's Warehouse , but it was still too early for that , and besides , the new Hobbit movie was out , Desolation of Smaug . If you 're in to Tolkien stories you won 't be disappointing with movie . It followed the Hobbit very closely , and they didn 't attempt to put too much of the story into one movie . The down side is that the movie , itself , is quite long , and by the time you see the credits you are probably going to need to find your way to the restroom . After the movie we went back to The Men 's Warehouse , where he bought a couple of new shirts . Actually he only bought one shirt and the second shirt was " free . " It was now past noon so we decided to grab some lunch and then just kick back at home . I went to get the girls at about 15 : 10 ( 3 : 10pm ) , and had them back at the house by 15 : 35 ( 3 : 35pm ) . Why this is important is because at 16 : 00 a Christmas party , for the Marines , was going to begin at the Crown Plaza Hotel , and we didn 't want to be too late . As it turned out we managed to get there at close to 17 : 00 , just before the dinner was served . The party was very exciting , especially for the girls , but I 'm afraid it was a bit tiring on Jason . This has been a busy week , and the party was just a bit more than he needed . We did stay for a couple of hours , and had a good time , though we did seem to leave prior to most of the other folks . There was a nice raffle type door prize , set up for the kids , and both Stacy and Jackie each won . I told them that because it was Christmas presents they would have to wait until then to actually open them . I don 't think they were particularly happy with that directive , but they were pretty excited to see the presents . Tomorrow is going to be spent pretty much just at the house . I think I may go grocery shopping with the girls , and let Jason just rest . Thank you for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . I got up in a leisurely manner this morning , since we didn 't need to be anywhere until 10 : 30 . I took a shower and went down stairs and asked Jason if he 'd like a bowl of cereal . He said yes , so I brought him one . That 's about when everything changed - Apparently there was a need for Jason to be over at building 26 by 07 : 30 and it was now 07 : 15 . My reaction was , " That 's not going to happen . " I still needed to get my shoes on , and Jason wasn 't dressed at all . Anyway we hurried and were over to building 26 by 07 : 53 , looking for a place to park . Since we were called in , apparently so was everybody else , and they all got there before we did . As it turned out , I let Jason out at the front of the building and then drove off to find a parking spot . I pulled away from the curb , went about 50 feet and right there , in front of the building ( sort of ) was a parking spot , and it was actually very accessible for Jason as well . Typically there are trucks parked in these spots , so I generally don 't even notice them . Well , I went inside and found Jason up on the 2nd floor , where they were giving out goody bags and other things , even a new pillow . After all the rushing to get there , we were done in less than 10 minutes . That was okay , though , as we just went over to the other part of the base and went to talk with a couple of the doctors ' offices to make some appointments . When we went to Dermatology we actually got to speak with the doctors , and felt kind of lucky , since we didn 't have an appointment . They provided us with some updates on what was going on , and a big one was that the biopsy that was taken a few months back , came back with some very good results , allowing for a " next " step in treatment for Jason . The doctor said he had just gotten the information on the results last night , so this was excellent timing . Jason will be going in sometime next month for this next step procedure . We talked with them about other things too , like the medical conference they attended , and Jason happened to be a big subject item there ; next year they might even have Jason attend as a special guest . Wound Care was no where near as exciting , but we did get an appointment set up . Again , it will be sometime in January , and probably much less eventful , other than being able to show them that the wounds are doing well , and Jason is making great progress . By the time we were done with Wound Care it was time to consider heading back over to building 12 , where the big event was supposed to take place , and where we were going to meet with Gary Sinise . As we walked to the van ( it was now parked over in C5 ) we happened to see Gary being escorted over to the main hospital building . We went over and made our greetings , and found out that he was going in to see the Admiral . We were actually invited to come in at that point , but respectfully declined as this was supposed to be a meeting with just Gary and the Admiral . We ended up simply going back to the van and then over to building 12 . Again , parking was an issue and it took us a few extra minutes to get situated . By the time we were set , Gary shows up again so we all walked in together . We went up to the meeting room and all the players got together to discuss Jason 's house and the property where it would be built . Tim , from Trident Realty was there to show us some of the property he has been scouting out and we felt like there was some serious progress being made . Tim and Jason talked about going out next week to check out some of the properties , and see if any of them looked good , or if he needed to change his search process . I think things are looking pretty good , so I don 't see that happening . Once the event was over ( for us ) we loaded up the van and headed up to the second half of that resume class he started yesterday . This afternoon session was particularly important because it was going to allow the guys to practice interviewing , and the interviewers were real hiring managers from some of the businesses in the area . It was interesting for me , since I didn 't sit in on the first class , to sit in the room and simply observe what was going on , and how Jason did . I think all went well , and Jason did well . Tomorrow we get the girls again , and we will be taking them to a Christmas event , down town , at one of the hotels . It is being put on to allow the children of the Wounded Warriors to have some extra fun , and we 're all looking forward to this . Thank you , for all the continued prayers . Take care and stay positive . Not much to write about today , and probably that 's a good thing . Jason had a single appointment with the Physical Therapy department , and a few appointments with some of the folks over in building 26 ; with a focus on getting all the right paperwork and forms done and in at the correct times . Tomorrow , however , is another story . . . First we have to get the girls up early and over to their respective pre - schools / day care , by , or before , 07 : 30 . After that we will be heading up to Carlsbad for an 08 : 00 start time for a class he will be taking . The good news on this is that the instructor has already been informed that he is likely to come in late . This is an all day class , that he is not expected to sit through . I will be dropping him off and then heading back down to the San Diego home area , to get ready for a job interview ( but that 's all about tomorrow - I still need to update what happened today ) . There really wasn 't much to be done around the house , and besides Joselyn took care of the laundry , so all I really had to worry about was cooking dinner . That being done the girls and I watched Shrek III ( for about the 8th time ) , and they thoroughly enjoyed it . That brought us up to bed time and that took about another half an hour to get accomplished , and now I 'm ready to hit the sack myself . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Jason and I got the girls up this morning and had time to play with them , for a little while , and then got them breakfast . They are two typical little girls , full of energy and they love to play , which includes running around when you 're trying to dress them . I have been known to break out in a sweat just trying to keep up with them . Today , Jason was there to help , and I have learned that what I attempt to do is to get them to agree to clothes , the night before , so that a bunch of time is saved in the morning , and I don 't have to get them to " pick something out . " They had their Cheerios ( that has got to be one of their favorite cereals ) and in a few minutes we were getting loaded into the van . Jason needed to be at formation this morning , at 07 : 30 , so he and I talked and I would drop him off first , and then take the girls to their respective schools . It all worked well , and I decided to just get back to the house . The truck from Father Joe 's was supposed to be arriving sometime between 09 : 00 and noon . I originally planned to go for a bike ride but thought it would be better for me to wait around until they arrived . Finally , at about 10 : 45 I called and was told they wouldn 't be there until 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) at the soonest . About five minutes after that , Jason contacted me and said he was done , and that there was going to be a luncheon over at building 26 . Funny thing is , when I arrived at bldg 26 , he was just getting there , so we walked in together . The San Diego Police were hosting the lunch , so Jason was able to meet some of them , and enjoyed the company of the other Marines as well . We hung around for a little over an hour , then needed to head on back to the house . He had been up for several hours and was ready to lay back down , as well as take a shower and change his dressings . You can always tell how these type events take a lot out of him , because by about 13 : 30 ( 1 : 30pm ) he was asleep , and I didn 't wake him until dinner . . . he ate at about 18 : 30 ( 6 : 30pm ) . Anyway , the rest of the day was relaxed - The truck from Father Joe 's did come by and picked up all the stuff . Linda called and let me know that the weather challenges in New York did not cause her to have to stay there . Actually , as I write this she is probably getting very close to landing back in Oakland . She had a nice visit and I will get to hear all about it tomorrow . Speaking of tomorrow , Jason only has the one appointment , and we should be back at the house relatively early . There are a couple of errands he wants to do , and then that will be pretty much it for the day . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Jason spent most of the day in bed , again , and that is a good thing , as his wounds are really making some positive healing . It seems the more he is down the better the wounds close up . My guess is that there is going to be only one area left in about a week , though that one area has been particularly stubborn . This coming week is going to be different , and fun , as we should be able to start making some headway with the selection and possible purchase of his OWN vehicle . Still a couple of things to work on , but it all looks good . The PackRat storage container , that is currently sitting in the driveway is now empty . I spent a few hours working on it , and even had the help of the girls for a little while . I let them " move " a couple of the very light pieces , and so much of it was different , that it kept them quite entertained . After lunch and they went down for their naps , I was able to finish unloading everything else , mostly because one of the Marines came by and he helped me move some of the heavier pieces . Without his help it would have taken me two to three hours more , so I was very happy to see him . I also set up the donations that we are giving to Father Joe 's Village . When all that stuff is gone we will , again , be able to move around easily . Tonight we had a nice ham dinner , prepared by Serving Spoons , a group of young women who want to help out with preparing meals for the Wounded Warrior families . The food was quite good and the girls enjoyed having something different . The amount of food they brought would have feed a family of 8 , so needless to say , we have some left overs . That 's okay , I 'm already planning on how to have the rest of it , over the next two days . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today started out a little different , in that it was raining a little , more of a drizzle than a rain , but then the rain did show up a bit later in the day . Because of the wet weather there was no need for a trip to the training park , and so I made pancakes and fried eggs for breakfast , and we just kind of kicked back for a little while . The only thing I was considering doing was getting over to the Post Office to check on the status of the Priority Package , and it was still a little early for that . When I did get over to the Annex ( that 's where we 're supposed to go , rather than the main post office , which is actually closer . My guess is that it has something to do with the fact that we 're in military housing ) and went to ask about the package , there was this helicopter flying around , closer to the beach area ( we 're only about a mile from the ocean ) with a loud speaker wishing everyone a Merry Christmas . My thought was that they should have picked a different day , or waited for the weather to clear . Anyway , I went into the annex and spoke with the clerk , who didn 't know what to do , so he went to his supervisor to ask . He came back a few minutes later and said that the package wasn 't in , and that the super would be calling me later . I left them my contact information and that was the last I heard from them . I ended up just calling a lock smith , who came and opened the unit , so that I could start to unload . I got about 1 / 3 of it done when it really started to rain . I decided to just go get another lock and would work on it tomorrow . The weather is supposed to be much better and I should be able to get it done , or close to it . It was good to see some of the stuff that was in the container , and now I have a good idea of what I need to do to make everything fit . On top of that I know that some of the items already in the garage will be picked up , and I 'll have plenty of room to make it all fit . The rest of the day was spent at the house , and doing a few things . Then Jason called me in and let me know the girls were coming tonight , to be with us . I was a bit surprised , as I wasn 't expecting them until Sunday , but that 's okay , as I k now Jason really likes to have them around , and besides they 'll be big help when I need to work on the container . . . ; - ) . Actually they showed up just a few minutes before they were to be in bed , and that turned into almost an hour . Jason read them a story and then said good night , and I got them to bed . We 'll see how tomorrow plays out . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Jason had formation today , but instead of a uniform he wore a polo type shirt . It seems that the " required " uniform of the day is something that he simply doesn 't have right now , and his section leader said not to worry about it . So , he didn 't and simply put on something that looked nice , even if it was a little out of place . Anyway , after dropping him off I came back to the house to get in a quick bike ride and did about 11 miles before taking a quick shower and heading back to meet up with Jason . Actually he contacted me before I left the house and asked me to grab an envelop that contained some documents . He was meeting with a VA rep who would be helping secure the financing for his vehicle , and this was the VA grant document . The VA helps to pay for a vehicle , but more importantly they provide funds to help with the required modifications that will need to be done . Actually the meeting went very quickly and we were soon on our way back to the house , where he asked me if I was in the mood for a movie . Since the U . S . Postal Service still hasn 't delivered a package has a needed key , I really didn 't have a great deal to do . The container is still sitting on the driveway with the lock on it , and its one of those locks that don 't get cut very easily , so the best thing is to simply wait for the key . Okay , I 'll quit complaining now . . . I agreed to go to the movie with him , and he wanted to see Homefront , and it was much better than I expected . It stars Jason Statham and James Franco , and both of them played their respective characters quite well ; lots of suspense and a solid story line . I would recommend it if you 'd like to spend an evening with a friend , or even by yourself . We came back and there was a message that an organization was interested in picking up some of the older items that we no longer need . Father Joe 's Village will be coming by on Monday to remove some of the stuff we have in the garage , thus making some room for the stuff in the unit sitting in the driveway . I was actually hoping to get some stuff moved tomorrow , but now that it looks like it is supposed to be a rainy day , I guess I should just be happy the way things have worked out . I 'll give everyone an update tomorrow . We won 't be going to take Gracie to her Saturday training session , since it takes place at a park , out side . The rain is going to impact that as well . We 'll probably go do some grocery shopping , and see what else the day brings . Thank you , all for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . After the session we headed over to building 26 , to meet with a few folks , who basically make up some of the support " team " for guiding Jason on what he wants to do with his military career . Jason is thinking that the best coarse of action is to remain with the Marines for a little while longer , maybe as much as a year , and then " retire . " His biggest concern is sitting around with little or nothing to do , so we are all engaged in looking for a solid transition , into a job that he will be happy doing . The nice thing is that financially , with the retirement , he should be set for the rest of his life . He won 't get rich , and he won 't have any debt concerns , as long as he continues to live his life style . What he wants ( needs ? ) to do is find something that he wants to do , and enjoys doing . We 've even talked about setting up a work shop so that he can get more into wood working and create things for people . There are also possible job he could go to , and that is something else to be explored . We came back to the house and I checked the mail , and found that the key to the PackRat storage container on the driveway , still had not come . Linda sent it out Priority Mail ( USPS ) and was told it would be here in two days . It was mailed early Tuesday morning . I tried to go on line to see what was going on but their tools are either not working correctly , or simply don 't fill the need ; and , their customer help line closes at 17 : 30 ( 5 : 30pm ) . I didn 't get all the information from Linda until after that time . I will call in the morning and see if I can get in touch with someone . I am getting to the point where I don 't want to use the post office for anything , and especially if it is important . Tomorrow is an early day with Jason having 07 : 30 formation . The rest of the day should be busy , but I 'm not sure just how yet . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Another interesting day , with a busy morning start . We got the girls to their pre - schools after a breakfast of Cheerios ( seems to be their favorite ) , and then we went up to Camp Pendleton , for a USO " event . " Actually it wasn 't much of an event , it was simply a time that was requested by the USO , to interview some of the Wounded Warriors , and how the USO has been a factor in their military lives . Jason was volun - told to be there , and it was strongly encouraged that he wear his Dress Blues . Jason , being the good Marine , did just that , and went through the effort to make sure everything was set up correctly . He looked good , and as we dropped Jackie off ( Stacy was dropped off first ) we headed up to Camp Pendleton . The interview took about 25 minutes , and it seemed like we were the first ones to get there , so actually that was a good thing . As soon as they were set up , Jason was in front of the camera . He had already seen most of the questions , so he was basically ready for what they were going to ask , and he did quite well . We were thanked for coming and we said our good - bye 's , and then we were headed back home . Traffic wasn 't too bad on the return journey , and we made it back in just over 30 minutes . There wasn 't much to do afterward , so Jason took his shower ( wounds looking good ) and then he laid down . We actually stopped for lunch on the way back , so that wasn 't even an issue at this point . Tonight was quiet , since the girls are not with us for the next five days . I did a few things around the house , but it is so much more quiet with no little ones running around . I guess I was just too used to having them here . I only have a few more days and they 'll be back . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today started much like many of the other mornings , when we have the girls . We were able to get them to their respective pre - schools / Day Care centers with time to spare . We then headed over to the base , and then I happened to head on in to see CMD Ledyard , Jason 's Medical Recovery Case Manager - she handed me a document that she just recently received and it was something Jason and I have been waiting on , for a few weeks . It is the document that basically says that Jason is capable of driving a vehicle and that with appropriate adaptations he should be allow to go get the vehicle he wants . This is a big thing for him ( and me ) , and now we just need to get things moving with the other aspects of getting it done . The rest of the day was spent with me going over to the VA and taking care of a couple of things . Actually I was pleased with how well it went , and how quickly I was done . The girls were picked up after I finished and we spent the rest of the day at the house , and just enjoying being inside - it was drizzling and generally kind of yucky outside . If I had thought a little more I would have gone to pick up some things and we could have made a batch of cookies . Tomorrow Jason will be going to a USO event , where he and another Marine will be doing something with them to celebrate some of the achievements from the USO ( at least I think that is what it is about ) . He will be dressed in his Dress Blues and I think on stage , responding to some questions . Obviously I will be able to tell you more about it tomorrow , after it is over . . . ; - ) Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Well , it was a busy Monday morning , with getting the girls up and Jason over to formation , though we managed to get everybody to where they needed to be , in the time they needed to be there . After doing all that , Linda and I actually took some time ( FINALLY ) for the two of us to have some time together , just the two of us . We went to breakfast and took over an hour to eat and enjoy each other 's company . Then we needed to get back to work , as Jason 's day was coming to a close at the base , and needed to get back home . We ( Linda and I ) went and did a little shopping and then headed over to pick up Jackie , since we were closer to her location , anyway . After that we headed over to pick up Stacy and she was feeling particularly energetic and wanted to walk back to the house . Linda agreed to go with her , and of course Jackie had to go as well . I drove back to the house and waited for them . We live , literally on the other side of the fence from where Stacy goes to pre - school . One thing that was different for today was the replacement of our refrigerator . Over the past month and a half we have had to call for service three times on the unit that came with the house . It is covered by the lease that Jason has , so with the advent of the third call it was decided that we needed a new refrigerator . The third call happened on Sunday , this past Sunday , and they told me that a new fridge would be coming soon , and we should expect it possibly on Tuesday . I said Wednesday would actually be better for us , so instead it showed up today , while Linda and I were shopping of course . Anyway , the only problem they had was that it was 3 / 4 " too wide . The old fridge had to be taken out ; not sure why , but that was the rule . We now have a refrigerator sitting in the dinning area and an open space in the kitchen . It should be corrected in a matter of a couple of weeks . On top of that Linda packed up a PackRat mobile storage unit and sent down a bunch of stuff to be down here , with some of it being from the boys ( our sons ) and some of it being mine . I need to have it unloaded in a matter of about a week . The rest of the day was spent relaxing , except for the need to pack for Linda . She is going back home tonight , and won 't be back down for a couple of weeks . The flight she took , from Southwest was scheduled to take off at about 20 : 50 ( 8 : 50pm ) , but then they called and told us that the flight was delayed and would be leaving at 21 : 50 ( 9 : 50pm ) . At about 15 minutes later I received another call and now the flight was delayed until 23 : 55 ( 11 : 55pm ) . Needless to say , this made it tough in coordinating a pick up for Linda , when she arrived . Fortunately we have some very good friends at the church and it was worked out . As it turned out we received a couple more phone calls with the time changing again , back to 21 : 50 ( 9 : 50pm ) and finally 21 : 30 ( 9 : 30pm ) . I took her over to to the airport , and she headed back home . Tomorrow Jason has a couple of appointments , an otherwise relatively lite day . I need to get a few things done with the VA ( for me ) , and get some updates going with the different groups I deal with . I hope it is a sign that this holiday season is going to be a real nice one , but I approach with cautious optimism . Thank you for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . This morning started off with a family breakfast and then David and his family had to get going , back up to Los Angeles . It was really nice having them down here for a couple of days , and more importantly giving some time for the cousins to get to know each other . We will see them again around Christmas , so it won 't be too long until we all get together again . The rest of the day was spent around the house . I did spend a little time working on the back yard , and doing a little clean up . At the same time the girls were running around and playing . Other than that it was just pretty much a lay back and relax kind of day . Tomorrow begins another week for Jason and it also marks the date when Linda will have to go on back to Livermore . She will be back down in a matter of a couple of weeks , or so , so we won 't be separated too long . Thanks , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive .

Well , it is time to sign off of 2013 and maybe even reflect a little on the progress that Jason has made . It is a little on the strange side to think that we started this year in Bethesda , MD , and yet are now back here in San Diego , CA . He was an inpatient , not really knowing what was going to be happening and now he is nearly healed , and feeling better , AND Gracie , the service dog , has come into his life . The next steps are an upcoming surgery ; the acquisition of a vehicle ; and , having a home built for him . All of this is very exciting , and we are looking forward to getting to a more independent and productive life . Heck , he 's even looking into enrolling into some college courses , just to get his brain working in that direction again . Thank you , to all of you . Over these past 2 + years ( getting close to 3 ) you have been showing support and letting us know you 're there . All your continued prayers have been keeping us strong and helping to keep Jason moving in the right direction . This is the 860th posting for the blog , and though it is short ( I really am kind of tired ) I hope you can feel the appreciation being sent with it . Again , thank you , for all the continued support . Take care and stay positive . This blog to be continued into the next year and probably beyond . Happy New Year - 2014 ! Today has been another of those great days where we didn 't do much but we did enjoy each other 's company . We went to Jason 's formation this morning and because I was guessing it was going to be a shorter engagement at the base ( meaning I really didn 't think they would have classes ) and I guess I was right because at a short while after 08 : 00 Jason called me and let me know that he was done . I met him over at the same place I dropped him off for formation and then we were on our way back to the house . We got back to the house to find the ladies ( Linda and the girls ) all having fun and still in their pajamas . Jason said he wanted to take us all out for breakfast , and then go on to Costco to pick up some things . It was decided to head on over to a restaurant that was close to Costco and that way we wouldn 't have far to drive , after we were done . Breakfast was over , and we all decided that we wouldn 't want to go there again ; service was poor and the food was done poorly . Anyway , we headed over to Costco . We got there is less than a minute ( it was close to the restaurant , remember ) , and there were no parking slots open ; or , at least none that we saw . We quickly realized that there were a bunch of folks out doing their last minute shopping for the new year parties that were going to be happening , and on top of that it was close to a payday . We decided that going to Costco was probably not such a good idea right now , and that we could just pick up a few things at the Grocery store . As a result we simply turned around ( actually not as easy as it sounds ) and headed back to the house . Once at the house we all got going with doing some straightening up of the place , since there were definite signs that Christmas happened just a short time ago . After this was accomplished , the girls went down for a nap . What is really good about that is that they both will tell us they 're tired and want to lay down . . . Really , they do tell us . Linda and I decided to head over to the grocery store and pick up the things we needed , and since Joselyn was now here we could do it without any concerns or worry about time . Thanks to a gift from the ASYMCA ( Armed Services YMCA ) , we had been given a Honey Baked ham , so I said I would cook that for dinner , which I did . It was very tasty , and the best thing was that I didn 't have to clean up afterward . Linda said since I did the cooking she would do the clean up . . . worked for me . The rest of the evening was spent having more fun with the girls and then Jason reading a couple of stories with them . Grandma and Grandpa put the girls down for the night and then we got a chance to just be with the two of us , not doing anything . Not sure what tomorrow is going to bring , but if it is anything like today it should be a very nice one . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . We got up early this morning and made ready to head up to Los Angeles to visit with our son David and his family . The only thing was that Jason and Gracie were not going to be going with us . Because of the trouble she is having with her right front leg , the vet said she simply needed to rest as much as possible , and she can only do that if she just stays home . The good news is that the rest seems to have done some good . When we came home this evening she was walking around in a much more normal manner so I am guessing that the pills she has been taking are acting much like an anti - inflammatory medication as well as a pain relief . We 'll see over the next couple of days how that goes . Anyway , we spent the day up with David and Miriam and had a very relaxing and fun time . The four grand kids were great and had a great time together . their ages are ( or will be in a couple of weeks ) 1 1 / 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , and they alternate between David and Jason . . . believe it or not , they didn 't do that on purpose . I was pleased with the drive up and back , as we didn 't experience too much traffic , and only saw a couple of smaller accidents . The accidents still did gum up the traffic , but not to the point that it ruined the trip and we still made pretty good time . Tomorrow Jason has formation , and I know it is the last one for this year because this is the last Monday of the year , and there are no more Fridays . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Kind of a laid back day , with not much going on . We put the trash and recycle bins out last night , but there was still more to put in . Most of it was recycle , and even afterward I found a box full of cardboard that didn 't make it out . That 's okay , it is only one box , and they 'll get it next week . After getting up this morning , I went for a quick ride ( I 'm attempting to stay more dedicated to my riding so that I will be ready for the EOD ride this coming year ) and put in a quick 10 miles . Jason had made an appointment for Gracie , with the vet , so I had to be sure I was back in time to clean up . We left for the vet appointment and once at the doctor 's office we didn 't have to wait very long at all . The doctor is a thorough look at Gracie and couldn 't find anything definitive about why she is limping , but there is a noticeable limp . After he and Jason discussed it , it was determined to provide her with some pain meds and Gracie was to be put on bed rest for the next two weeks . After that we bring her back if there is still a problem and the doc will take another look . There is a high likelihood that x - rays are going to be on the agenda , if she continues to limp . The vet said that she may have just sprained something , but couldn 't identify specifically where it came from . The real important thing was that Gracie was comfortable with him checking , and he seemed to know how to handle her . Other than that we just stayed at home and let the girls play with all their new toys and things . This also gave Linda an extra moment to get some rest , and that is a good thing for sure . Tomorrow we will be headed up to see David , Miriam and the boys , Dylan and Ethan ( our son David and his family ) . The only down part is that Gracie isn 't supposed to travel so Jason is staying home with her . Perhaps that is a better thing , since the house will be quiet and the two of them can get some real rest . Jason has been left alone before , for several hours , and we anticipate this time won 't be any different . Worst case he has his cell phone and Medic Alert within reach . We 've already spoken with David and he understands that we won 't be staying very late , we just want to get some time to let the kids play , and we would like to see the family too . It was the night after Christmas , when all through the house , everybody was resting and not wanting to grouse . All the energy expended ; all the participants drained . Now what do we do , but start over again . The girls came back , to spend the day after with their dad , and Grandma and Grandpa , too . It was Christmas all over again , YEAH ! It 's Christmas take two ! The day was spent with Linda heading out early to go mingle with the day - after shoppers , as this is something she really enjoys doing . She sometimes buys a few things , and other times she doesn 't ; what she really tries to do is just watch the shoppers as they go on their way exchanging or looking for bargains . Jason was engrossed in a program that he found on YouTube , and was happy to just sit back and relax , so I put together a quick breakfast for him and then I took off for a bike ride . I figured that the traffic was going to be lite , and it was , so I was able to comfortably head on out for a 15 miler , and really enjoyed the fact that not too many cars were on the road . It was still pretty early ( about 07 : 45 ) when I left , and traffic wasn 't picking up until I was well on my way back home . Funny thing is , even with low volume traffic , there was this really nasty four car accident right at the end of the ride . Two of the cars were about 50 meters apart and a couple of others in between , and the two that were at the extremes really looked mangled . It was right where I had to turn to get back into the housing complex where we live , so I got a pretty good look . My guess is that it was somebody going way too fast for conditions and was thinking that because of easy traffic they could get away with it . . . wrong . The rest of the day was us taking care of a few things and then Linda and I going back out to pick up a few things , and having a nice quiet lunch together . We found this great little Mexican restaurant and will probably be going back there , now that we know where it is . When we got back Jason wanted to head over to the pet store to get a new cage for Mr . Jingles ( the rat ) , and a few more things . The other cage was getting a little beat up by Mr . Jingles chewing on it all the time , so Jason wanted to set something up where he would be happier and occupied with other things to do , like a wheel to run in . Anyway , we were all back at the house and Linda put out a few more decorations that she found and we just sort of waited for the girls to show up . Of course there was dinner in there and the usual cleaning up of everything , then finally , as I stepped out to see one of the " new " decorations Linda had put up , I saw the girls coming up the walk . Actually more like running up . They saw me come out and yelled out , " Grandpa ! " and started to run up to see me . Obviously they weren 't alone , so the girls came in and Stacy was particularly excited . Stacy 's tooth had come out since our last visit and she was so proud to show us . Then it was down to looking at all the presents under the tree . We were all in the front room and Jason was doing the directing , which made me particularly happy , and he had the girls open up a couple of the presents . We didn 't want to go through all of them because the needed to get to bed ( it was already past their regular bed time ) , and on top of that Jason has an early formation call in the morning and we need to get some sleep too . Jason and I will be heading out early tomorrow and the girls will be staying here with Grandma , and after we get back home , then they get to open the rest of their gifts . Tonight Jason went in to tell them their bed time story and made sure they were all down and settled for the night . Jason has a couple of other appointments tomorrow , so my guess is that we 'll be back home in the morning , though it could be late morning . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Merry Christmas TWO all and to all a good night . . . ; - ) Today has been a very good day for all of us and it started out just as we would want it to . Since there were no kids here , this morning , we all slept in . . . at least for a little while . I was up at about 08 : 00 and went out for a bike ride . Both Linda and Jason were still sleeping and it was a wonderful day out . I got on the bike and went in the direction I normally do , and found that there weren 't too many vehicles on the road . This made it a very nice ride , and I considered it my Christmas present to me . The cool part was that I was feeling pretty good and made the 12 mile loop in almost exactly an hour - and that includes stops for red lights ( there was just enough traffic to trigger a few of the lights ) . I got home from the ride and started to work on getting the two of them up and moving . Just as I was becoming a pest to Linda , my brother called from West Virginia . It really wasn 't a surprise , I was just happy that his timing was excellent . If he had called sooner he might have connected with me while I was out on my ride and then I wouldn 't have been able to talk with him very long . Actually , I did get a call while riding , and I got to talk with my son Sean . I spoke with him for a couple of minutes and then suggested that he call the house - I found out that he did . Anyway , after getting off the phone with Bruce I moved to take a shower and eventually we were all up . After that we headed over to The Broken Yoke and then off to Alpine to look at some properties . We wanted to do this on our own , just to get a feel for the area and to see what was there . We did find a couple of interesting places , but I don 't think they really fit into the scheme that Jason is working towards . We 'll have to sit down with the Realty folks and talk to them about it . Just a few minutes after we returned home I received another phone call , and it was from our son David . He and his family were also enjoying the Christmas Day fun , with their kids , and Miriam 's mom at the mom 's house . We need to figure out a good time when we can all go up and visit with them again , perhaps in a few days or next week some time . The rest of the evening was spent just relaxing and enjoying being around each other . The interesting thing was that the food we at The Broken Yoke was still with me , and I really didn 't feel hungry at all . We still put together a simple dinner , and now we 're coming to the close of the day . Not sure what is going to be happening tomorrow , but I would guess it will be enjoyable . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . This morning the girls came running into our room and jumped into bed with both of us still attempting to wake up . Stacy announced that Christmas is tomorrow and we needed to be ready for it . As it tuned out the girls ran back down stairs and I took the opportunity to get up and at least brush my teeth . I was actually planning on going for a bike ride when I walked into Jason 's room and he reminded me that there was an appointment today , this morning at about 10 : 00 . I went back up stairs and let Linda know what was going on and then headed back down to get breakfast for Jason , and the girls . We all eventually got ready and we headed out to the hospital . Linda wanted to get in some last minute visits prior to the Christmas " shut down " and Jason and I to the appointment . The appointment was with Plastics and Dermatology , at Wound Care . Everyone was amazed at how well the wounds were doing and we got a chance to discuss the next steps with the doctors . We are now looking at the end ( or at least the second half ) of February for the surgery that is going to be taking place . As soon as a date is set we will be notified and we can look forward to Jason 's healing process being that much closer to being as complete as we can get it . There was also a second conversation about a conference that will be held , in about a year , and they would like both Jason and I to participate in it . They want a perspective of a patient as well as the care giver , of a very serious injury . Jason and I said we would be happy to help , especially since the purpose of the conference is to bring awareness to others in the medical world . The rest of the day was spent back at the house . We had some time to play with the girls and then they were taken over to the other house , where they will spend Christmas . Effectively it will simply be back on the established schedule , and we 're just going to have to have Christmas a little later in the week . Tomorrow we are going to figure out what we ' er doing , as we get into the day . I have already let Jason and Linda know I would like to go for a bike ride , so that will be in the morning . After that I can 't say what we 're doing . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Merry Christmas to all , and to all a good night ( apologies to Clement Clarke Moore ) . . . : - ) Jason was required to go to formation this morning , as I mentioned yesterday in the blog . The formation turned into a class , so Jason sent me a text and said he would be at a class , but anticipated it would be short . I took the opportunity to go speak to a few people there , and wish them a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays , and the timing worked out pretty good . As it turned out , I was done and back to the building he was meeting at the class , and I only had to wait for about 10 minutes . Actually , I found out , that he was done with the training class and there was a different meeting going on ; one in which he received a few more gifts for the girls . The tree is really looking pretty good with a bunch of stuff for the girls . While Jason and I were at the base ( Balboa hospital and Wounded Warrior Battalion ) Linda was back at the house working on wrapping a few more gifts and a few more decorations . When we got back to the house we picked up Linda and headed over to pick up the girls , it was now close to 10 : 30 . Jason wanted to go and take the girls to see Frozen , the new animation movie , and so we did , with first a stop for lunch . Typically we don 't like to spend money for lunch , because we usually have plenty of food at the house , but this time we felt it would be faster , since the restaurant is right next to the theater . Well , we had plenty of time and the meal was paid for by someone else . An anonymous person covered our bill , and we don 't even know who to thank . The movie was fun , though a little longer than we thought it would be . We headed back to the house after the movie , and the girls went to take a nap - they were tired . Tonight we had a fun and relaxing evening with the girls . We watched a Christmas animation movie , that lasted about 20 minutes , then it was story time and off to bed . Dinner was simple , and that was okay , as it got rid of some of the left overs we had in the fridge . I did get to see some of the Niner game against the Flacons , and was very surprised at the results . I thought the Niners were going to win , but for a while it did look very much like it was going to go the other way around . Tomorrow I 'm not sure what we will be doing , other than tomorrow evening when the girls will be going back to their other house . We won 't see them again until Friday , and that 's when we will have our day of opening gifts . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Apologies , that there was no update yesterday . . . though there really wasn 't much to update about . Jason did take Gracie to her training , while Linda and I stayed in the van . We stayed back so that we could catch up on some of the paper work we had to take care of . Otherwise we stayed at home or went to the grocery store . Oh , yes , and one other thing , Linda and I put up some Christmas decorations up , both inside and outside . So now on to today 's update . Jason spent the entire day in bed , and I was glad to see it . He said he was feeling like he had the flu or a bad cold . By the end of the day though , he was feeling much better . The day was spent wrapping some gifts and getting ready for the girls to come back tomorrow . I did get to watch some football , and it was enjoyable as I really didn 't care who won the games played today . The Niners play tomorrow and that one I really care about . Okay , I do care a little about a couple of the other teams , but only because of how it could impact how the Niners end their season and go into the playoffs , but otherwise I didn 't care much about the scores . Linda was having a great time with the gift wrapping and actually stayed up a little while tonight wrapping some of the packages . Tomorrow Jason has formation at 07 : 30 , so we will be going off early . It is anticipated that the formation won 't last too long , and there really isn 't much else to be done at the base , so we 'll head right back to the house . We may stop and pick up the girls , but that depends on the time . In any event , they will be with us relatively early . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Well , the big day finally has arrived . Linda is coming in tonight and I am happy to see that happen . Actually right now I am just waiting for the flight to get in , and then I 'm headed off to the airport to go pick her up . Jason said he wants to go also , though he is asleep right now . . . guess I 'll have to wake him up . . . ; - ) The day started out like most of the past Fridays , with Jason and I getting out of the house early to get over to the base for his formation . I was even talking to him , on the way over , about why they would still have this formation , this close to the holiday . He said he just had to go , and that the schedule is something that he has to work with . Anyway , as I dropped him off I said I was going to be headed back to the house so I could get a short bike ride in , and that he should call me when he was done . He was expecting to have to attend a training class or two , and that usually means he would not be ready to come back until close to 10 : 00 . As it turned out , about 20 minutes after I got back to the house he did call me . Luckily I had not gotten out on my ride yet , though I was just ready to walk out the door ( actually just putting on my shoes ) . Turned out that there was an activity planned and for whatever reason the message didn 't get back to him , or apparently several other guys who were all trying to figure out what was going on . Everything turned out okay . I still got my bike ride in , and this time I decided to go a little longer , since I wasn 't concerned about having to get back to pick him up . The rest of the morning he just stayed down and after I got back from my ride and showered , we both took off to do a little Christmas shopping . We were gone for a little over an hour , maybe two , and we picked up a few things . We got back to the house and shortly afterward a " new " refrigerator showed up . It is nice to have the refrigerator in the place where it is supposed to be , again . The rest of the day is pretty much just the two of us staying at the house , and me doing a couple of loads of clothes . Now I 'm off to go pick up Linda . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers and take care and stay positive . Another great day for Jason , in San Diego . We had an early start and we were done before 11 : 00 . We came back to the house and I fixed lunch . We both just sort of laid back and watched the TV for a little while . Then I decided that I needed to do something . It was time for tree decorating . Yes , we have had our tree up for several days now , and there are some small decorations on it , all from the girls . I just wanted to have a few more decorations on the tree for when they get back . I also put a few more gifts under the tree , that came in the mail , so now it looks more like the Christmas tree I remember . I think the girls will be excited to see the changes . One of the things that has happened recently is that Jason 's water bottle broke . It was a CamelBak brand water bottle , and was actually the second bottle he 's gone through . I went down to the store today , while he was napping and bought a new , and different type bottle . It has a little greater capacity , and a different pouring system . I am hoping that it lasts as long as the previous two , but just in case I bought two extras . Tomorrow is Friday , and Linda is going to be joining us , to spend Christmas with us . Actually , it will be Christmas and New Years . Both Jason and I are looking forward to her arrival , and will enjoy our time together . The girls are going to be happy to see her too , as they keep asking about when is grandma coming back . I see a time when we 're all together , on a more permanent basis , but I just don 't have a solid date on that . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Kind of a laid back day for us today . We really didn 't do much out of the ordinary , at least not until this evening . Tonight we had the honor of attending a Christmas pageant , at Stacy 's pre - school . She asked us to be sure to come , so we did , and it was great fun . She sang ( well , okay , she and the rest of the class sang ) The 12 Days of Christmas and another song ( right now I honestly don 't remember the name of the song ) . She was very happy to see us there , and the church was packed . It was actually kind of amusing how the parents all acted . Each grade level came up to do their song and each time you would see a few parents come up to make sure they could get some photos . When Stacy 's class came up it looked like each of the student 's parents and grandparents were all trying to get the best shot . As it turned out , Jason and I were fortunate enough to already be in the front , so we had clear shots to get pictures . I 'll post some tomorrow , as I am too tired right now , and I need to get up early . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers , take care and stay positive . We met at the hospital , by the flag pole , and then headed out to take a look at the first piece of property . On the way I let Tim drive as I was needed on a conference call with Linda ( and even that call went well ) , so the beginning of the day was continuing to be busy . The funny thing is that at just about the time I was getting ready to hang up I lost the signal and was disconnected . From that point on my focus was on the search for property . I did get some pictures , and a couple of the lots really looked good . I won 't be posting any pictures , though , until a final location has been selected by Jason . On a positive note , one of the properties we looked at today has been rejected , so that at least helps to narrow down the selection . . . ; - ) We plan on doing another trip next week , maybe two , and Jason would like to identify the specific property before the end of the year . We were gone for well over four hours , probably more like six , and Jason was very worn out by the time we got back to the house . He laid down and in a matter of a few hours of resting he was totally sleeping and out . Actually , I would loved to have been able to do the same but conditions were such that it wasn 't going to happen . The girls were very good for me , so that made it so much easier , and by the time the got to bed they were ready to be there . I did do another Rudolf story , and it was another participation type , so it went a little longer than typically others do . That was okay though , as Stacy was able to participate and had a bunch of fun . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today has been a very good and fun day . We got the girls up early this morning because of the need to get Jason to his formation . Still , there was time for breakfast and a little horsing around , and that continued on into the evening , after I picked them up - but I get ahead of myself . After dropping everyone off , and getting back to the house , this morning , I took care of a few things and then got my bike out . I needed to top off the tires , as they were a little softer than I like and then I got all my things together . I was making my final arrangements to get out for a ride when I receive a text message from Jason - he 's done . As a result I put off going on the ride and headed back over to the base to pick him up . While there I also pick up a few things ( med supplies ) and then we head on back to the house . Jason wants to take a shower and have breakfast . I get all this done and then I can go for my ride . The ride isn 't long , but still long enough for me to get a good work out ( 11 . 5 miles ) and then I get back home . I cool down for a few minutes and then take my shower . At this point I head over to the mail box and pick up our mail , including a couple of packages . One of them is a small box from a friend Stephen E . , to Jason , and the other is a package from Nana and Tata , with gifts for the girls . We had been informed that the smaller packages inside the bigger package were already wrapped , so we could open it without concern . The girls were very excited to see the envelops and packages , and helped place them under the tree . Dinner was a simple chicken , rice and vegetables , and the girls did an amazing job of eating everything . Jason also had all he wanted so we were all happy . Tonight , after dinner and staying up a little while , it was time for the girls to get to bed . I did something a little different , instead of telling them a regular story or reading them a story from a book I had them participate in the story and Stacy had a great time . I had fun with it too , and think I might just do that again . The story was about Rudolf and Santa at the North Pole . Tomorrow we will be heading out to check out some land for Jason 's house . Don 't know much about where we will be going , or how long we will be gone . I did set a parameter that we needed to be back no later than 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) , since that is about when I go to pick up the girls . I hope the properties have what Jason is looking for , as this would allow things to get moving towards the building of his home . Stay tuned for more updates tomorrow . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Not a great deal to report on today , other than we had a great lunch with Bob and Debbie Hamer , and a small group of Wounded Warriors , over at Boll Weevil . Generally I have a hamburger when we have gone in the past , but today I tried their chicken . It was pretty good , so I just might try it again when we go next time . It was good seeing Bob and Deb , and they had a Christmas gift for each of the kids there . Stacy and Jackie were pretty excited when they saw theirs . After the lunch we headed back over to the Marine Corps Recruit Depot ( MCRD ) where Jason wanted to get a hair cut . Jason wanted me to just drop him off so I could get on back to the house to get the girls down for their nap . By the time I got the girls down and quieted , and a chance to sit down Jason comes through the door . I was quite surprised to see him get to the house so quickly ; I guess the line was either very short or no waiting at all . Anyway , he wanted to take a shower because of the hair cut , so that was what we worked on . It was his second shower of the day , and he was much more comfortable afterward . The rest of the day was spent doing things with the girls and then preparing dinner . Actually both girls surprised me with their appetites , then again it was salmon and they both do like it . Tomorrow Jason has an early formation , then training , so I 'll be dropping him off first then the girls . I might try to get a bike ride in , as I haven 't gone in several days now . I 'll have to see how things go . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today I was greeted by Stacy , while I was still in bed , and she wanted to know when I was going to be getting up . It is unusual for Stacy to be up and Jackie remaining in bed , but I guess she was tired . Anyway , by the time I did get out of bed ( just a few minutes ) Jackie had come up and now both of the wanted to play on Grandpa 's bed . They like to jump on it , and since it is so much bigger than their beds it is much more fun . I let them play for a few moments then told them they needed to get back down to their room and that I would be done in just a couple of minutes . . . which I was . After breakfast we ( Stacy , Jackie and I ) put together the Christmas tree that was have had for a couple of years now . The girls were very excited , especially since we already have some presents under it . We had a good time or an hour or so and then I told them they needed to get out of their pajamas and into regular clothes , so we could go shopping - Costco specifically . I told Jason that we would be going soon and he said he wanted to go with us . This kind of surprised me , since he said he was planning to stay down all day , but I try to be flexible . As we got into the van Jason said he wanted to go to the hospital , to go visit the new Marine who had recently been injured in a motorcycle accident . He lost his leg , up to the hip when a car ran a red light and hit him - it was a hit - and - run type accident , and I do not know if the other driver was caught . Anyway , we ended up going over there first . The visit was a good visit , and I 'm glad we went . It was good for Jason to get out and go visit another injured Marine , where Jason could provide some support and encouragement . It was also good to meet the guy 's family , and I was able to speak with them for a few minutes . The girls were remarkably good , though they are pretty comfortable being in the hospital now . I was able to have the conversation without too much distraction . The visit lasted for about an hour , and Jason gave them some good information and felt the guy was doing very well , considering that the accident only happened about two weeks ago . When we first got to the base we noticed a bunch of older cars there , and then a rather special one . The Ghost Busters Mobile was also there . None of the actors , just the vehicle . It was kind of neat to see , though the girls didn 't think anything about it . Found out later it was all part of the Toys - for - Tots program that the Marines are involved with . Anyway , we just kind of walked on past it and didn 't even stoop . Our next stop was Costco , and we went in ready to pick up some things . I even had a list that I put in my pocket . I have a regular route I take , when I go through Costco , and today was no different . By the time we were done picking up the cereal we needed I stopped and looked at the list ( first time since coming into the store ) and found that we had in fact loaded up the basket with exactly what was on the list . I felt pretty good because I have a reputation for going to Costco and almost always picking up stuff I really don 't need . We got back to the house and it was past the girls ' nap time . Fortunately we did take the time to stop and get them some lunch , so now as they are saying they are tired we can quickly get them to bed and not have to worry about putting a lunch together . The rest of the day was just a matter of relaxing and enjoying each other 's company . Tomorrow should be another laid back day . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Jason and I got up early this morning , with the intention of Jason going to formation , and then on to the " regularly " scheduled classes , that are frequently a part of Friday formations . When we got to Balboa , and only a few guys were there , Jason knew something was up . He contacted his section leader and found out that there was no formation today , and that the only thing to worry about was the Holiday Party going on tonight over at the Crown Plaza . I was going to attempt to get in a bike ride , but that wasn 't going to be happening this time . What we decided to do was to head back to the house and just go to a movie . Jason wanted to get over to The Men 's Warehouse , but it was still too early for that , and besides , the new Hobbit movie was out , Desolation of Smaug . If you 're in to Tolkien stories you won 't be disappointing with movie . It followed the Hobbit very closely , and they didn 't attempt to put too much of the story into one movie . The down side is that the movie , itself , is quite long , and by the time you see the credits you are probably going to need to find your way to the restroom . After the movie we went back to The Men 's Warehouse , where he bought a couple of new shirts . Actually he only bought one shirt and the second shirt was " free . " It was now past noon so we decided to grab some lunch and then just kick back at home . I went to get the girls at about 15 : 10 ( 3 : 10pm ) , and had them back at the house by 15 : 35 ( 3 : 35pm ) . Why this is important is because at 16 : 00 a Christmas party , for the Marines , was going to begin at the Crown Plaza Hotel , and we didn 't want to be too late . As it turned out we managed to get there at close to 17 : 00 , just before the dinner was served . The party was very exciting , especially for the girls , but I 'm afraid it was a bit tiring on Jason . This has been a busy week , and the party was just a bit more than he needed . We did stay for a couple of hours , and had a good time , though we did seem to leave prior to most of the other folks . There was a nice raffle type door prize , set up for the kids , and both Stacy and Jackie each won . I told them that because it was Christmas presents they would have to wait until then to actually open them . I don 't think they were particularly happy with that directive , but they were pretty excited to see the presents . Tomorrow is going to be spent pretty much just at the house . I think I may go grocery shopping with the girls , and let Jason just rest . Thank you for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . I got up in a leisurely manner this morning , since we didn 't need to be anywhere until 10 : 30 . I took a shower and went down stairs and asked Jason if he 'd like a bowl of cereal . He said yes , so I brought him one . That 's about when everything changed - Apparently there was a need for Jason to be over at building 26 by 07 : 30 and it was now 07 : 15 . My reaction was , " That 's not going to happen . " I still needed to get my shoes on , and Jason wasn 't dressed at all . Anyway we hurried and were over to building 26 by 07 : 53 , looking for a place to park . Since we were called in , apparently so was everybody else , and they all got there before we did . As it turned out , I let Jason out at the front of the building and then drove off to find a parking spot . I pulled away from the curb , went about 50 feet and right there , in front of the building ( sort of ) was a parking spot , and it was actually very accessible for Jason as well . Typically there are trucks parked in these spots , so I generally don 't even notice them . Well , I went inside and found Jason up on the 2nd floor , where they were giving out goody bags and other things , even a new pillow . After all the rushing to get there , we were done in less than 10 minutes . That was okay , though , as we just went over to the other part of the base and went to talk with a couple of the doctors ' offices to make some appointments . When we went to Dermatology we actually got to speak with the doctors , and felt kind of lucky , since we didn 't have an appointment . They provided us with some updates on what was going on , and a big one was that the biopsy that was taken a few months back , came back with some very good results , allowing for a " next " step in treatment for Jason . The doctor said he had just gotten the information on the results last night , so this was excellent timing . Jason will be going in sometime next month for this next step procedure . We talked with them about other things too , like the medical conference they attended , and Jason happened to be a big subject item there ; next year they might even have Jason attend as a special guest . Wound Care was no where near as exciting , but we did get an appointment set up . Again , it will be sometime in January , and probably much less eventful , other than being able to show them that the wounds are doing well , and Jason is making great progress . By the time we were done with Wound Care it was time to consider heading back over to building 12 , where the big event was supposed to take place , and where we were going to meet with Gary Sinise . As we walked to the van ( it was now parked over in C5 ) we happened to see Gary being escorted over to the main hospital building . We went over and made our greetings , and found out that he was going in to see the Admiral . We were actually invited to come in at that point , but respectfully declined as this was supposed to be a meeting with just Gary and the Admiral . We ended up simply going back to the van and then over to building 12 . Again , parking was an issue and it took us a few extra minutes to get situated . By the time we were set , Gary shows up again so we all walked in together . We went up to the meeting room and all the players got together to discuss Jason 's house and the property where it would be built . Tim , from Trident Realty was there to show us some of the property he has been scouting out and we felt like there was some serious progress being made . Tim and Jason talked about going out next week to check out some of the properties , and see if any of them looked good , or if he needed to change his search process . I think things are looking pretty good , so I don 't see that happening . Once the event was over ( for us ) we loaded up the van and headed up to the second half of that resume class he started yesterday . This afternoon session was particularly important because it was going to allow the guys to practice interviewing , and the interviewers were real hiring managers from some of the businesses in the area . It was interesting for me , since I didn 't sit in on the first class , to sit in the room and simply observe what was going on , and how Jason did . I think all went well , and Jason did well . Tomorrow we get the girls again , and we will be taking them to a Christmas event , down town , at one of the hotels . It is being put on to allow the children of the Wounded Warriors to have some extra fun , and we 're all looking forward to this . Thank you , for all the continued prayers . Take care and stay positive . Not much to write about today , and probably that 's a good thing . Jason had a single appointment with the Physical Therapy department , and a few appointments with some of the folks over in building 26 ; with a focus on getting all the right paperwork and forms done and in at the correct times . Tomorrow , however , is another story . . . First we have to get the girls up early and over to their respective pre - schools / day care , by , or before , 07 : 30 . After that we will be heading up to Carlsbad for an 08 : 00 start time for a class he will be taking . The good news on this is that the instructor has already been informed that he is likely to come in late . This is an all day class , that he is not expected to sit through . I will be dropping him off and then heading back down to the San Diego home area , to get ready for a job interview ( but that 's all about tomorrow - I still need to update what happened today ) . There really wasn 't much to be done around the house , and besides Joselyn took care of the laundry , so all I really had to worry about was cooking dinner . That being done the girls and I watched Shrek III ( for about the 8th time ) , and they thoroughly enjoyed it . That brought us up to bed time and that took about another half an hour to get accomplished , and now I 'm ready to hit the sack myself . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Jason and I got the girls up this morning and had time to play with them , for a little while , and then got them breakfast . They are two typical little girls , full of energy and they love to play , which includes running around when you 're trying to dress them . I have been known to break out in a sweat just trying to keep up with them . Today , Jason was there to help , and I have learned that what I attempt to do is to get them to agree to clothes , the night before , so that a bunch of time is saved in the morning , and I don 't have to get them to " pick something out . " They had their Cheerios ( that has got to be one of their favorite cereals ) and in a few minutes we were getting loaded into the van . Jason needed to be at formation this morning , at 07 : 30 , so he and I talked and I would drop him off first , and then take the girls to their respective schools . It all worked well , and I decided to just get back to the house . The truck from Father Joe 's was supposed to be arriving sometime between 09 : 00 and noon . I originally planned to go for a bike ride but thought it would be better for me to wait around until they arrived . Finally , at about 10 : 45 I called and was told they wouldn 't be there until 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) at the soonest . About five minutes after that , Jason contacted me and said he was done , and that there was going to be a luncheon over at building 26 . Funny thing is , when I arrived at bldg 26 , he was just getting there , so we walked in together . The San Diego Police were hosting the lunch , so Jason was able to meet some of them , and enjoyed the company of the other Marines as well . We hung around for a little over an hour , then needed to head on back to the house . He had been up for several hours and was ready to lay back down , as well as take a shower and change his dressings . You can always tell how these type events take a lot out of him , because by about 13 : 30 ( 1 : 30pm ) he was asleep , and I didn 't wake him until dinner . . . he ate at about 18 : 30 ( 6 : 30pm ) . Anyway , the rest of the day was relaxed - The truck from Father Joe 's did come by and picked up all the stuff . Linda called and let me know that the weather challenges in New York did not cause her to have to stay there . Actually , as I write this she is probably getting very close to landing back in Oakland . She had a nice visit and I will get to hear all about it tomorrow . Speaking of tomorrow , Jason only has the one appointment , and we should be back at the house relatively early . There are a couple of errands he wants to do , and then that will be pretty much it for the day . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Jason spent most of the day in bed , again , and that is a good thing , as his wounds are really making some positive healing . It seems the more he is down the better the wounds close up . My guess is that there is going to be only one area left in about a week , though that one area has been particularly stubborn . This coming week is going to be different , and fun , as we should be able to start making some headway with the selection and possible purchase of his OWN vehicle . Still a couple of things to work on , but it all looks good . The PackRat storage container , that is currently sitting in the driveway is now empty . I spent a few hours working on it , and even had the help of the girls for a little while . I let them " move " a couple of the very light pieces , and so much of it was different , that it kept them quite entertained . After lunch and they went down for their naps , I was able to finish unloading everything else , mostly because one of the Marines came by and he helped me move some of the heavier pieces . Without his help it would have taken me two to three hours more , so I was very happy to see him . I also set up the donations that we are giving to Father Joe 's Village . When all that stuff is gone we will , again , be able to move around easily . Tonight we had a nice ham dinner , prepared by Serving Spoons , a group of young women who want to help out with preparing meals for the Wounded Warrior families . The food was quite good and the girls enjoyed having something different . The amount of food they brought would have feed a family of 8 , so needless to say , we have some left overs . That 's okay , I 'm already planning on how to have the rest of it , over the next two days . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today started out a little different , in that it was raining a little , more of a drizzle than a rain , but then the rain did show up a bit later in the day . Because of the wet weather there was no need for a trip to the training park , and so I made pancakes and fried eggs for breakfast , and we just kind of kicked back for a little while . The only thing I was considering doing was getting over to the Post Office to check on the status of the Priority Package , and it was still a little early for that . When I did get over to the Annex ( that 's where we 're supposed to go , rather than the main post office , which is actually closer . My guess is that it has something to do with the fact that we 're in military housing ) and went to ask about the package , there was this helicopter flying around , closer to the beach area ( we 're only about a mile from the ocean ) with a loud speaker wishing everyone a Merry Christmas . My thought was that they should have picked a different day , or waited for the weather to clear . Anyway , I went into the annex and spoke with the clerk , who didn 't know what to do , so he went to his supervisor to ask . He came back a few minutes later and said that the package wasn 't in , and that the super would be calling me later . I left them my contact information and that was the last I heard from them . I ended up just calling a lock smith , who came and opened the unit , so that I could start to unload . I got about 1 / 3 of it done when it really started to rain . I decided to just go get another lock and would work on it tomorrow . The weather is supposed to be much better and I should be able to get it done , or close to it . It was good to see some of the stuff that was in the container , and now I have a good idea of what I need to do to make everything fit . On top of that I know that some of the items already in the garage will be picked up , and I 'll have plenty of room to make it all fit . The rest of the day was spent at the house , and doing a few things . Then Jason called me in and let me know the girls were coming tonight , to be with us . I was a bit surprised , as I wasn 't expecting them until Sunday , but that 's okay , as I k now Jason really likes to have them around , and besides they 'll be big help when I need to work on the container . . . ; - ) . Actually they showed up just a few minutes before they were to be in bed , and that turned into almost an hour . Jason read them a story and then said good night , and I got them to bed . We 'll see how tomorrow plays out . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Jason had formation today , but instead of a uniform he wore a polo type shirt . It seems that the " required " uniform of the day is something that he simply doesn 't have right now , and his section leader said not to worry about it . So , he didn 't and simply put on something that looked nice , even if it was a little out of place . Anyway , after dropping him off I came back to the house to get in a quick bike ride and did about 11 miles before taking a quick shower and heading back to meet up with Jason . Actually he contacted me before I left the house and asked me to grab an envelop that contained some documents . He was meeting with a VA rep who would be helping secure the financing for his vehicle , and this was the VA grant document . The VA helps to pay for a vehicle , but more importantly they provide funds to help with the required modifications that will need to be done . Actually the meeting went very quickly and we were soon on our way back to the house , where he asked me if I was in the mood for a movie . Since the U . S . Postal Service still hasn 't delivered a package has a needed key , I really didn 't have a great deal to do . The container is still sitting on the driveway with the lock on it , and its one of those locks that don 't get cut very easily , so the best thing is to simply wait for the key . Okay , I 'll quit complaining now . . . I agreed to go to the movie with him , and he wanted to see Homefront , and it was much better than I expected . It stars Jason Statham and James Franco , and both of them played their respective characters quite well ; lots of suspense and a solid story line . I would recommend it if you 'd like to spend an evening with a friend , or even by yourself . We came back and there was a message that an organization was interested in picking up some of the older items that we no longer need . Father Joe 's Village will be coming by on Monday to remove some of the stuff we have in the garage , thus making some room for the stuff in the unit sitting in the driveway . I was actually hoping to get some stuff moved tomorrow , but now that it looks like it is supposed to be a rainy day , I guess I should just be happy the way things have worked out . I 'll give everyone an update tomorrow . We won 't be going to take Gracie to her Saturday training session , since it takes place at a park , out side . The rain is going to impact that as well . We 'll probably go do some grocery shopping , and see what else the day brings . Thank you , all for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . After the session we headed over to building 26 , to meet with a few folks , who basically make up some of the support " team " for guiding Jason on what he wants to do with his military career . Jason is thinking that the best coarse of action is to remain with the Marines for a little while longer , maybe as much as a year , and then " retire . " His biggest concern is sitting around with little or nothing to do , so we are all engaged in looking for a solid transition , into a job that he will be happy doing . The nice thing is that financially , with the retirement , he should be set for the rest of his life . He won 't get rich , and he won 't have any debt concerns , as long as he continues to live his life style . What he wants ( needs ? ) to do is find something that he wants to do , and enjoys doing . We 've even talked about setting up a work shop so that he can get more into wood working and create things for people . There are also possible job he could go to , and that is something else to be explored . We came back to the house and I checked the mail , and found that the key to the PackRat storage container on the driveway , still had not come . Linda sent it out Priority Mail ( USPS ) and was told it would be here in two days . It was mailed early Tuesday morning . I tried to go on line to see what was going on but their tools are either not working correctly , or simply don 't fill the need ; and , their customer help line closes at 17 : 30 ( 5 : 30pm ) . I didn 't get all the information from Linda until after that time . I will call in the morning and see if I can get in touch with someone . I am getting to the point where I don 't want to use the post office for anything , and especially if it is important . Tomorrow is an early day with Jason having 07 : 30 formation . The rest of the day should be busy , but I 'm not sure just how yet . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Another interesting day , with a busy morning start . We got the girls to their pre - schools after a breakfast of Cheerios ( seems to be their favorite ) , and then we went up to Camp Pendleton , for a USO " event . " Actually it wasn 't much of an event , it was simply a time that was requested by the USO , to interview some of the Wounded Warriors , and how the USO has been a factor in their military lives . Jason was volun - told to be there , and it was strongly encouraged that he wear his Dress Blues . Jason , being the good Marine , did just that , and went through the effort to make sure everything was set up correctly . He looked good , and as we dropped Jackie off ( Stacy was dropped off first ) we headed up to Camp Pendleton . The interview took about 25 minutes , and it seemed like we were the first ones to get there , so actually that was a good thing . As soon as they were set up , Jason was in front of the camera . He had already seen most of the questions , so he was basically ready for what they were going to ask , and he did quite well . We were thanked for coming and we said our good - bye 's , and then we were headed back home . Traffic wasn 't too bad on the return journey , and we made it back in just over 30 minutes . There wasn 't much to do afterward , so Jason took his shower ( wounds looking good ) and then he laid down . We actually stopped for lunch on the way back , so that wasn 't even an issue at this point . Tonight was quiet , since the girls are not with us for the next five days . I did a few things around the house , but it is so much more quiet with no little ones running around . I guess I was just too used to having them here . I only have a few more days and they 'll be back . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today started much like many of the other mornings , when we have the girls . We were able to get them to their respective pre - schools / Day Care centers with time to spare . We then headed over to the base , and then I happened to head on in to see CMD Ledyard , Jason 's Medical Recovery Case Manager - she handed me a document that she just recently received and it was something Jason and I have been waiting on , for a few weeks . It is the document that basically says that Jason is capable of driving a vehicle and that with appropriate adaptations he should be allow to go get the vehicle he wants . This is a big thing for him ( and me ) , and now we just need to get things moving with the other aspects of getting it done . The rest of the day was spent with me going over to the VA and taking care of a couple of things . Actually I was pleased with how well it went , and how quickly I was done . The girls were picked up after I finished and we spent the rest of the day at the house , and just enjoying being inside - it was drizzling and generally kind of yucky outside . If I had thought a little more I would have gone to pick up some things and we could have made a batch of cookies . Tomorrow Jason will be going to a USO event , where he and another Marine will be doing something with them to celebrate some of the achievements from the USO ( at least I think that is what it is about ) . He will be dressed in his Dress Blues and I think on stage , responding to some questions . Obviously I will be able to tell you more about it tomorrow , after it is over . . . ; - ) Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Well , it was a busy Monday morning , with getting the girls up and Jason over to formation , though we managed to get everybody to where they needed to be , in the time they needed to be there . After doing all that , Linda and I actually took some time ( FINALLY ) for the two of us to have some time together , just the two of us . We went to breakfast and took over an hour to eat and enjoy each other 's company . Then we needed to get back to work , as Jason 's day was coming to a close at the base , and needed to get back home . We ( Linda and I ) went and did a little shopping and then headed over to pick up Jackie , since we were closer to her location , anyway . After that we headed over to pick up Stacy and she was feeling particularly energetic and wanted to walk back to the house . Linda agreed to go with her , and of course Jackie had to go as well . I drove back to the house and waited for them . We live , literally on the other side of the fence from where Stacy goes to pre - school . One thing that was different for today was the replacement of our refrigerator . Over the past month and a half we have had to call for service three times on the unit that came with the house . It is covered by the lease that Jason has , so with the advent of the third call it was decided that we needed a new refrigerator . The third call happened on Sunday , this past Sunday , and they told me that a new fridge would be coming soon , and we should expect it possibly on Tuesday . I said Wednesday would actually be better for us , so instead it showed up today , while Linda and I were shopping of course . Anyway , the only problem they had was that it was 3 / 4 " too wide . The old fridge had to be taken out ; not sure why , but that was the rule . We now have a refrigerator sitting in the dinning area and an open space in the kitchen . It should be corrected in a matter of a couple of weeks . On top of that Linda packed up a PackRat mobile storage unit and sent down a bunch of stuff to be down here , with some of it being from the boys ( our sons ) and some of it being mine . I need to have it unloaded in a matter of about a week . The rest of the day was spent relaxing , except for the need to pack for Linda . She is going back home tonight , and won 't be back down for a couple of weeks . The flight she took , from Southwest was scheduled to take off at about 20 : 50 ( 8 : 50pm ) , but then they called and told us that the flight was delayed and would be leaving at 21 : 50 ( 9 : 50pm ) . At about 15 minutes later I received another call and now the flight was delayed until 23 : 55 ( 11 : 55pm ) . Needless to say , this made it tough in coordinating a pick up for Linda , when she arrived . Fortunately we have some very good friends at the church and it was worked out . As it turned out we received a couple more phone calls with the time changing again , back to 21 : 50 ( 9 : 50pm ) and finally 21 : 30 ( 9 : 30pm ) . I took her over to to the airport , and she headed back home . Tomorrow Jason has a couple of appointments , an otherwise relatively lite day . I need to get a few things done with the VA ( for me ) , and get some updates going with the different groups I deal with . I hope it is a sign that this holiday season is going to be a real nice one , but I approach with cautious optimism . Thank you for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . This morning started off with a family breakfast and then David and his family had to get going , back up to Los Angeles . It was really nice having them down here for a couple of days , and more importantly giving some time for the cousins to get to know each other . We will see them again around Christmas , so it won 't be too long until we all get together again . The rest of the day was spent around the house . I did spend a little time working on the back yard , and doing a little clean up . At the same time the girls were running around and playing . Other than that it was just pretty much a lay back and relax kind of day . Tomorrow begins another week for Jason and it also marks the date when Linda will have to go on back to Livermore . She will be back down in a matter of a couple of weeks , or so , so we won 't be separated too long . Thanks , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive .

I followed Alec down a set of dark stairs to the basement . He held onto my hand like I was going to run away . Admittedly , I was frightened . Besides Riley and Bree , I knew no one . The baby kicked , as if to say that I should trust this strange man that seemed bent on helping me escape purgatory . " Bella , I was scared . This man says he can get you home . I just want to help , " she said , patting me on the back . Alec cleared his throat and stepped between both of us . I pushed Bree behind my back . In the little time that we 'd known each other , I 'd become very protective of her . I could only imagine what she 'd suffered at the hands of James and his cruel cohorts . " Bella , your husband , Edward , is out of intensive care . He 's gotten a tip on this location . All hell is about to break loose , and if we wait for him to come , James or one of his men will kill you . In less than twenty four hours , this house will be a warzone . Time is of the essence . " I shivered from the cold dampness of the room . " My husband sounds like a scary man . How do you know that Bree and I will be safe with him ? " Alec chuckled . " I really wish you could remember , Bella . Edward can be down right brutal , but you 're his weak spot . He loves you more than life itself . There 's a reason that James kept you all these months . He wanted Edward to suffer , and there 's no better way to make a man suffer than by taking the thing he cherishes most in the world . In Edward 's case , that 's you . " It was strange , but each time Alec said my husband 's name , the baby went wild . I put my palm over my swollen belly to calm my little bundle down . I really hoped that meeting Edward would help me to get my full memory back . Having amnesia was like being lost in the dark without any guide to help . Bree squeezed my hand and stepped forward . " It will be better for me to stay here , no ? My limp is worse than ever . I will only slow the both of you down . All I care about is Bella and her baby going home . I 'm not important . " I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist . " Don 't ever say that ! You are very important to me . If it wasn 't for you , neither I nor my baby would have made it this long . Your limp is no worse than my pregnancy waddle . I 'm not leaving you . Ever . . " He shrugged and scratched his head . " It 's nothing . You 're going to make a wonderful mother , Bella . You may not remember who you are , but you 're still the same woman that I knew . You 're very brave and selfless . " We walked through a complex maze of stairs . Alec had a flashlight , but it was still pretty dark . Both he and Bree held onto me to make sure that I wouldn 't slip . I inhaled and exhaled slowly to keep the panic out of my system . My swollen ankles and legs were killing me . I was about to give up and ask for a break when we came to an outside door . I greedily breathed in the refreshing sea salt air . It was pitch black outside . Even the stars dared not to shine on James ' territory . Alec picked me up and carried me down the rocky path that led to the Black Sea . After he was done , he went back and got Bree , bringing her down the same path . I had on an old sweatshirt and a jacket that Bree had gotten for me , but I was still freezing . A tall man appeared from the shadows . He motioned for us to follow him . We were led to a large boat . There were other men on the deck , loading stuff . I stopped in my tracks . Had Alec led us into a trap ? Before I could speak , the man that was leading us turned around . His face was wrinkled and rough . He had a small feminine locket around his neck that stood out of place against his rough visage . " Hello , my name is Vladimir . This is my grain boat . We smuggle for James , but we do not like him . This is finally our chance to get rid of him for good . He is a disease on the good people of Russia . " His accent was even thicker than Bree 's . I had to read his lips to understand what he was saying . Another man came to stand beside Vladimir . He handed Alec a black duffle bag . Bree eyed the men warily . They didn 't look like people that we should trust , but something told me that I was wrong . It was a moot point , though , because right then , we needed all the help that we could get . There were two heavy coats inside the bag . Alec handed one to Bree and the other to me . Mine was quilted with a fur hood . Bree 's was the same except that it was blue . We helped each other zip them up and put the hoods over our heads . I was just glad that mine fit . Even though I 'd suffered extreme cruelty the last few months , I 'd eaten well - - Bree and Riley made sure of that . After we were all bundled up , Alec turned to me . His eyes were sad and lost . I knew then that he wouldn 't be going on the journey with us . My fear increased exponentially . Alec nodded . " Good , you 'll be able to help Bella . James smuggles drugs and guns from the port . He has a lot of friends in the city , so it 's very important that neither one of you deviate from the plan . Listen to Vladimir ; he 's going to help you . Unfortunately , I can 't go with you . I need to keep James ' men from finding out that you 're gone for as long as I can . I 'm going to make up a story about Bella bleeding and needing an operation . As for you , Bree , I 'm going to tell him that you 're assisting me . I wish you both the best of luck and I 'm sorry that I couldn 't help you sooner . The voyage that you guys are embarking on is very dangerous . Keep your wits about you and stay together . " " Don 't worry , ladies . Riley is fine . James would never kill him , because he considers Riley his heir . That 's a very important thing to have in the Mafia world , and since James can 't have sex with a woman , he needs Riley to continue his legacy . I will do what I can to get him out . " " I know he did bad things to you , but you were never raped . James is gay . His father caught him in the act with a man when he was younger and sent him to some deprogramming camp , but it didn 't work . That 's the reason that James hates women so much . He blames females for his homosexuality . I couldn 't keep you safe , but I knew that at least you 'd be spared that brutality . " I nodded . It all started to make sense . The way he talked about Laurent … He 'd loved him ; not as a friend but as a lover . " Enough talking , Bree , Bella , this is goodbye for me . I sincerely hope that you make it home safely . Oh , and Bella , in the bag are some snacks and the book that you read to me when I was sick . You don 't remember , but you comforted me when I needed it most . I want you to live to be an old woman , have lots of babies , and continue to keep Cullen in line . That goes for you too , Bree , minus the Edward part . Now , get on the boat . May God be with you . " After a lot of blubbering from me , we followed Vladimir onto the boat . The men stared at us as if we were ghosts . Some took off their hats when we passed . Bree and I kept our arms wrapped around each other . The thick coats were doing a wonderful job at keeping us warm . When we got to the hull of the ship , Vladimir opened the door to a small room . It was exactly like Alec had described . There wasn 't a lot of room , but it would do . At least we wouldn 't have to worry about James coming to torture us . The bed was clean and there were a bunch of thick blankets folded on top of the mattress . In the corner was a tiny wooden table and a single chair . Bree made up the bed while I rested in the chair . I wanted to help but my body was too fatigued . My bladder was also full . " You have to use restroom a lot because of baby . My wife was the same . When she was pregnant with my boys , she spent most of her time by the toilet . " He helped me into the bathroom . I closed the door and sat down to do my business . The ship 's rocking made it hard to keep balance , so I held onto the sink as I washed my face . To me , I looked okay . My skin wasn 't as bruised as before . I even had a light flush to my cheeks . My hair was braided around my head so that it wouldn 't be a burden . It was silly of me to be concerned with my looks , though , because my stomach drew all the attention away from my face . I was huge . The baby moved , letting me know that it was okay and that my girth was serving a purpose . I laughed and exited the bathroom . When I stepped back into the ' bedroom ' , Bree was fluffing the blankets . She 'd actually managed to make the small room look cozy . I helped her with the top layer and then we laid down to rest . Because of the stress of the day , both of us fell asleep immediately . We were awakened to the sounds of someone knocking at the door . Bree jumped up to answer it . Her hood had fallen down revealing her long blonde hair . She looked beyond tired . I felt guilty for not helping her more . He set everything down on the table . Bree handed me one of the bottles of juice . I hadn 't realized how hungry I was until the sweet apple liquid hit my tongue . Suddenly , I was ravenous . Thankfully , Bree handed me a plate . It had various meats and cheeses along with fresh bread . There was also a big bowl of something she called ' borscht ' . It was good , hot , and filling . I downed the whole thing before Bree sat down . Both she and Vladimir laughed . I felt my cheeks heat up . After my third plate of cheese and meat , I was finally full so I laid down on the bed . A few minutes later , I fell asleep again . I dreamt of a baby boy with odd colored hair that wouldn 't stay down no matter how many times I brushed it . He had chubby reddened cheeks and beautiful emerald eyes . I cuddled him to my breast and hummed softly until he fell asleep . When I woke up again , the sun was shining through the tiny window . I sat up and went to the bathroom . There were tears in the corner of my eyes . The dream had been so real that I 'd been sad to wake up . Bree was still asleep and snoring softly . I kissed her on the forehead before going to find Vladimir . The ship was rocking too much for me to go very fast . I tripped and was about to fall , when sturdy arms caught me . It was one of the crew . He had dark olive skin , black hair , and beautiful eyes that were the color of wood . I blushed and tried to step away . I was shocked when he picked me up in his arms and carried me to a small room . There was a desk surrounded by a few chairs and a portable TV in the corner . He held up his hand and retrieved a notebook . I sat in the chair as he scribbled away . His size and mannerisms were enough to frighten me . I was just about to scream for help when he thrust the notebook into my lap . I looked down at the words : " My name is Nahuel . I am Vladamir 's son . I wanted to meet you and the pretty blond girl yesterday , but father said that I shouldn 't bother you . You are very pretty . You remind me of my mother . " I held out my hand . " My name is Bella , and the pretty blond girl is Bree . She 's still asleep . It 's nice to meet you . " He grabbed the notebook and began to write again . He really was handsome . His almond shaped eyes were a much lighter brown than my own . They stood out against his ink black hair . He must have looked like his mother because he barely resembled Vladimir . " Thank you , Bella . I don 't mean to be a burden . Father and I travel for much of the year . We don 't see too many women . Would you like to play cards later ? Bree can play , too . I have my own deck . " " Bella , where did you go ? I was afraid something bad happened to you or baby . You must wake me next time , " she said , hugging me . I nodded and introduced her to Nahuel . He smiled brightly . I was just about to ask him why he couldn 't speak when Vladimir came into the room . He was carrying storage containers filled with food . " Oh , he was so sweet . I went out to look for you and almost fell , but he caught me . Don 't be mad at him . If it 's alright , he can come back later tonight and play cards with us . " When he was out of earshot , Vladmir turned to me . " Thank you for being kind . He has taken a liking to you because you remind him of his mother . You look a little like her . She was pregnant with twins when she was murdered . Nahuel was only three . " I gasped and grabbed my stomach . I had come so close to losing my life and baby ; to hear about someone that had devastated me . My lip quivered as I began to sob . Bree handed me a washcloth and rubbed my shoulders . The older man lowered his eyes . " Pire , my wife , was the most beautiful woman in the world . She was immigrant from South America . We met at school and fell in love . There was much hate for immigrant so I taught her Russian so hers would be good enough that no one would know . When she graduated , we moved to Novorossiysk … " He stopped to hand both Bree and me the food . I popped the lid and began eating the oatmeal , eggs , and bacon . The baby did karate lessons in my stomach as I swallowed my breakfast without chewing . Vladimir looked away and continued his story . " We were happy . Pire have baby , Huilen , Nahuel 's sister . I was lucky man . My wife got sick and almost died . I ask God for miracle and she live . Later , she conceive two babies . " One day , Pire went to market to get me special dinner . Chechen Rebel suicide bomber blow up the market . Pire die with many other people . Later , I find out that Stefan , James ' father , was responsible for selling bombs to Rebels . I vow then to help take down his Organization . I do not want my daughter to have same fate as her mother . " I had never stopped crying , so by the end of Vladimir 's tale , my face was very wet . It was hard trying to swallow past the lump in my throat . Bree was sniffling softly beside me . Vladimir patted us both on the knee . " Do not cry . My wife spread happiness everywhere she went . I was proud that she choose me for husband . Now , enough with the past . We should arrive in Novorossiysk a few hours . You will stay with my family . We tell people that you are cousin . Bella , you are not to speak . I will say you are like Nahuel and cannot talk , okay ? " " Yes , and James has many men around city . Alec is trying to get word to Edward Cullen so that he will come to my house first . It is not easy . All communication is monitored . Stefan had KGB ties and they still keep the city on lockdown . Several men lose life for disagreeing with James . " I shuddered at the name . I knew that James was evil , but apparently he was even more dangerous than I 'd given him credit for . Bree clutched my hand until I calmed down . Vladimir made sure that we were okay before going back to the deck . Bree and I spent the rest of the day reading Dante , suggesting baby names , and braiding each other 's hair . I ate every three hours and slept more than usual . Thankfully , Alec had included my prenatal vitamins in the bag . No matter how hard I tried , I couldn 't get comfortable . Poor Bree tried her hardest to help but nothing worked . Eventually , I ended up curled on my side in the fetal position . My lower back was on fire and I had a migraine . There was no doctor on the ship but Vladimir remembered that Pire used to take Tylenol when she was pregnant . Luckily , they had some on the ship . After I took the pills and drank some juice , I fell into a peaceful sleep . I waddled to her so that she could help me put on my jacket . I really hoped that there was a bath in our future . My body was covered with sweat . We waited for what seemed like forever . I ate some of the candy that was in the bag that Alec had packed . The constant chewing helped me to stay calm . I was dozing on Bree 's shoulder when our door opened . It was Nahuel . He grabbed our bags and helped us up to the deck . There were several men with guns drawn speaking in Russian . I remembered what Vladimir had told us and kept my head down , not speaking . The man that had been talking turned to us . His military uniform was slightly different from the others , so I assumed that he was the leader . He licked his lips when he saw Bree . I wanted to scratch out his eyes . The man said something in Russian to her . Whatever he said scared her . I kept my arm around her waist , offering comfort . Nahuel growled . Thankfully , Vladimir kept his wits . " I am sorry gentleman . These are my nieces . They will be staying with us for a time . Please , do not bother them . The young one is cripple and the other is with child . They both have sexual disease . " The men grunted and turned away , ignoring us . I was glad that Vladimir had thought this out . As long as the soldiers thought we had some kind of STD , they were sure to leave us alone . I felt Bree relax next to me . When she spotted us , she jumped out of the car . I watched as she hugged her father and Nahuel . Something about the action triggered a flash of a memory . I saw a younger version of myself hugging a boy with curly blond hair and an older man with dark hair and a mustache . Sadly , it was gone before I could grasp it . Even though it was nighttime , there were still people out walking and doing various things . The air was colder and I was glad for the heat in the car . Huilen kept looking back at me through the mirror . I smiled to let her know that I was okay . Nahuel never took his eyes off of Bree . I suspected that he had a crush on her , but she was already taken . I just hoped that Riley would live so that they could finally get their chance . In my mind , I 'd already planned their first date . During the drive , my baby boy was very active . It felt like he was playing soccer in my tummy . I rubbed my belly to calm him down . Huilen drove us out of the city and towards the mountains . Bree stared out of the window with wide , interested eyes as we drove up a winding rode . Eventually , we got to a small village . It was very beautiful . At the gate , were two men with guns . Vladimir made small talk before they opened it and let us in . It was too dark to see clearly , but I could make out several flowers and lush green grass . It was so different from James ' fortress . Vladimir 's home sat at the edge of the village . It was a large two story with a big front porch . Huilen led Bree and I upstairs to a bedroom . Nahuel and Vladimir went to shower and unpack . We were all going to have dinner once everyone got settled in . . As usual , my little kicker was right over my bladder . The first thing I did was go to the restroom . While there , I decided to run myself a bubble bath . Bree knocked at the door before stepping in to bring me a robe and some pajamas . She stayed to help me into the tub before excusing herself . The hot water felt wonderful to my aching muscles . My breasts were very sensitive and engorged . When my thumb accidentally grazed my nipple , it hardened . I moaned and leaned my head back against the wall . During my time in James ' fortress , I never felt aroused , but now … I was embarrassed at the noises I was making as I touched myself . I dipped my fingers into my wet folds . My clit was hard and needy . I rubbed it hard , willing myself to orgasm . I saw another vision . This one was of long , thick masculine fingers inside of my core . I pinched my nipples and came hard as I thought of those elusive fingers . The rest of my bath time was spent with me bringing myself to orgasm over and over again . Stress did strange things to people . By the time , I finished bathing and got out of the tub , I was exhausted . Bree came to chastise me for not calling her to help me out . I apologized . My body felt wonderful and boneless . Huilen brought my dinner upstairs . The baked chicken and Borscht was delicious . After dinner Nahuel came to play a few hands of cards with Bree and me . Vladimir sent his apologies . He 'd had to go back down to the docks to supervise something . Huilen and Nahuel assured us that they were excellent shooters . There was also a secret room where Bree and I could hide if necessary . Nahuel , Huilen , and Bree made Russian jokes at my expense . My baby boy , not wanting to left out , flipped and and flopped every which way . The card game turned out to be a bust . We played for candy and everyone kept letting me win . I fell asleep during the third game . My dreams were filled with more of my precious baby . Sometimes , I would get a snippet of a memory back . I saw my younger self swinging with a pretty brown haired woman and the same man I 'd seen earlier . I assumed that these were my parents . Riley had already told me that they were dead . I 'd cried the whole night after that . I awoke at Twilight . From my window , I could see the sliver of light in the darkness . Someone had put cheese crackers and juice out for me . I was eating when I heard a loud explosion . Bree and Huilen ran into the room . Minutes later , Nahuel joined us . He was carrying a big gun . Bree grabbed some blankets and Huilen led us down to the secret room . It was some kind of a bomb shelter . I begged Huilen to stay , but she insisted that she had to help her brother . My heart was pounding out of my chest . It sounded like we were in the middle of a battleground . Bree alternated between rubbing my back and my stomach as we listened . The pop of bullets sounded nearby . Then , all of a sudden , we heard a commotion upstairs . There must have been some kind of vent in the room , because Bree and I could hear clearly . The voice was bone - chillingly scary and clearly American . Apparently , my little angel was frightened too , because he went wild . No matter how many times I tried to soothe the baby , he wouldn 't calm down . I eventually gave up . " I warned you , boy ! I guess your father will have to come home to a dead son . Hey , it 's no skin off my back . " It was the same voice again . My mind snapped . All I knew was that enough people were in danger because of me . Vladimir had already lost his wife . I 'd be damned if he lost his son because of my cowardice . Before my brain could catch up to my legs , I was waddling up the stairs and wrenching the door open . Bree screamed and ran after me , but with her limp , I beat her to the top . My baby boy kicked harder than ever . I winced in pain . I didn 't want to put my little one in danger , but I couldn 't sit back and let my friends die . A man grabbed me before my eyes adjusted to the light . He practically dragged me into the living room . Nahuel was on the ground with Huilen was hunched over him . There was blood all over his handsome face . " Stop ! It 's me you want . I 'll go with you . Just leave my friends alone . " All the fight was gone and fatigue was the only thing left in its place . I expected to be dragged out the door , but instead , everyone just kind of stopped . It was so quiet that you could have heard a pin drop . The meathead that had been holding me dropped his arms and stepped back . When I dared to look up , I saw a room full of big , armed men gaping at me . One did the sign of the crucifix and got down on his knees . They were all staring at me like … like I was a ghost . I looked around to see who 'd spoken . When I made eye contact with the man , I gasped . He looked like a human mountain . His dark brown eyes and hair only added to it . My whole body began to shake uncontrollably . This was too much stress for me and the baby . Before I could form a coherent thought , I passed out . The last sound I heard was Bree screaming . My sweet baby boy gurgled as I changed his diaper . I finished the task and held his tiny bronze - colored head to my breast . He immediately latched on and began sucking quietly , looking up at me with his bright green eyes . Feeding my baby was the most natural thing in the world . My heart was so full and light when I felt his little lips on my skin . Soft piano music played nearby as baby Dante and I drifted off to sleep . When I woke up , I was still in the rocking chair . I looked down expecting to see my baby , but my arms were empty . I went from room to room searching for my angel , but I didn 't have any luck . I screamed his name and cried for help but no one came . I was just about to give up hope , when I saw a light under a nearby door . Without thinking , I rushed into the room . It was covered in mirrors and the only exposed walls were red . I had been here before . A movement in the corner caught my eye . It was … James , and he was holding … James only laughed . All I could do was watch in horror as my baby boy burst into flames . " Baby Cullen is dead and you are next , Bella . " I looked around , recognizing my room at Vladimir 's house . Several people were bent over me . I sat up , scanning the room for Bree . She was right next to me holding a bottle of water . I took it and drank almost half before I came up for air . The nightmare … . Immediately , I reached for my belly , sighing in relief when I felt my little angel moving . As long as my baby was alive , I could face anything . Bree gently took the water bottle out of my hand and began rubbing my back . It was then that I noticed some of the other people in the room . They were all armed men . Nahuel was in a corner with an icepack over his lip as Vladimir talked to one of the strangers . Huilen was on the other side of Bree staring at me . They both fluffed pillows and helped me sit up . The big man with the dark eyes moved closer to my bed . I whimpered and clutched Bree 's hand . She kissed my forehead , instantly calming me . The dark haired man fiddled smiled at me . " Bella , we all … All this time , we thought you were dead . Bree tells us that you have no memory . Can you really not remember anything ? " The man bowed . " I am Felix . I am your husband 's head of security at his club and your friend . Today is a fucking miracle . When Edward finds out … " he trailed off excitedly . Felix frowned . " Not yet , but he 'll be in Russia tonight . He 's on a mission to kill James , but now everything has changed . We need to get you out of the city right now . It 's not safe . James is in Iceland , but he 's gotten word of your escape . We lost track of him . You aren 't safe here . " Felix barked orders to the other armed men . Many of them were still staring at me with shocked expressions . Bree asked the men to leave so she could get me dressed . Thankfully , Huilen had a pair of sweatpants that I could fit into . After I was bundled in layer upon layer , it was time to go . Felix picked me up and carried me to a black SUV that was waiting in the driveway . There were guns , cars , and debris everywhere . " Don 't be . You and the baby have survived for a reason . I doubt your luck will run out now , Bella . I promise I 'm going to get you back to Edward . " I nodded as he slammed the door and got behind the wheel . A blond armed man kissed a gold cross around his neck before taking the passenger seat . Bree took one of our favorite Dante books and began reading . If my baby boy and I made it out of this mess alive , I would name him after the great poet . The fact that I 'd called him that in my dream was a sign . Luckily , Bree had time to pack me something to eat . I was craving pizza , but the hot ham and cheddar sandwiches she handed me were very welcome . I ate three , downing them with a bottle of grape juice . After I finished , Felix took off like a bat out of hell . There were gun shots , bomb blasts , and general chaos all around . The blond man kept assuring us that the car was bulletproof . We also had the other guards flanking us . When we got to the main road , things calmed down considerably . I took the book from Bree and began to read aloud . In no time at all , we were far away from Vladimir 's village and on the road . Felix said that we were going to get on a private jet to be flown to Moscow , where we would meet up with Edward . I was both excited and nervous . What if my husband didn 't like amnesiac Bella ? Would he put me away ? Was he cruel ? " Don 't worry , that 's just some cat that I found by the docks . The men were going to kill it because they believe black cats are bad luck , so I took it . I don 't know what I 'm going to do with it , though . " I smiled . Despite his size and general menacing aura , Felix was clearly a good man . The purring got closer until I was met with a pair of bright yellow eyes . Bree bent down and picked up the little kitten , placing it gently in my arms . My baby boy kicked , perhaps trying to touch his new future pet . " Hmmm , since she 's black and so very precious , I vote we name her Onyx . What do you think , Bree ? " She giggled and gave me the thumbs up . " Bella , you are the only woman that would be so calm in this situation . You haven 't changed at all . You handle danger well and obviously so does your unborn child . " I thought over those words as we pulled up to a runway . There were armed men waiting for us at a nearby plane . Felix put some kind of tarp over me and Onyx and ran us up the stairs . The other man did the same for Bree . It all happened really fast . When I was being buckled into the seat on the plane , I remembered to ask about my friends . Vladimir had risked his and his family 's life to get me out of danger . Felix assured me that they were being taken to a safe place . I just hoped that I got to see them again under better circumstances . The plane took off almost immediately . I could hear some kind of commotion on the ground , but thankfully , it didn 't affect our liftoff . Felix breathed a sigh of relief and plopped down in the seat next to me . I took Onyx out of my coat and handed her to Bree . They both fell asleep . I asked Felix to make her comfortable once we could move around . My body and brain were too wired to sleep . The bastard chuckled . " Bella , Edward loves you very deeply . These last few months he 's been in an asylum because he thought you were dead . He kept a picture of you and the baby 's sonogram right on his nightstand . I was at your wedding and it was amazing . Rarely have I seen two people so in love . Cullen isn 't anywhere near perfect , but you make him a better man . " I asked Felix tons of questions . It turned out that he and my husband 's men were there to get Vladimir to smuggle them into James ' fortress . Edward had been seriously wounded in Greece and had only just gotten out of hospital care . They 'd gotten a tip on James whereabouts from one of his Uncles . The rest of the flight was spent with me eating everything on the plane and Felix filling me in on some of my missing memories . Onyx woke up as we were landing . Felix got a bottle of milk and a medicine dropper so that I could feed her . She was just too cute as she ate her dinner . Felix left me to talk to the pilot . When he came back he had a huge smile on his face . " Edward is here , Bella . Our communication was watched closely on the port , but one of our men managed to get a message to him . Are you ready ? " I looked down at my baggy clothes and protruding belly . There hadn 't been any time to do my hair so it hung in tangled knots down my back . I knew that I looked awful , but there wasn 't time to put on makeup or change clothes . I took Felix 's hand , looking back to make sure that Bree was okay . She was still halfway asleep in the other guard 's arms . I held Onyx in my arms as we departed the plane . Once again , Felix carried me down . It was dark outside . There were men with weapons everywhere . I saw several large trucks , cars , and SUV 's behind them . My hood was over my head , so I couldn 't get a really good look at anyone 's face . A tall curly haired blond man ran to me , pulling me into his arms . " Bella ! Bella ! Oh thank you God ! Bella , it 's me . I 'm your brother Jasper . " I handed Onyx to Felix so that I could return the hug . None of my memory was coming back , but I could feel the love that Jasper radiated . We cried all over each other before he let me go , wrapping his arm around my waist and stepping to the side . After that , everything got eerily quiet . I raise my head to see why everyone had suddenly stopped moving . When I did , I saw Felix walking through the crowd . Upon closer inspection , I realized that he was pushing something or … someone . " Babydoll ? " That one word spoken from a deep , rich velvet voice set my body on fire . It felt like I was being electrocuted . The baby kicked harder than he ever had before . My nipples also hardened . I took several deep breaths that ultimately did no good . Eventually , Felix made it to the front of the crowd of men . It was then that I saw … him . He had the same unruly bronze hair and jewel green eyes as the baby in my dreams . Although he was in a wheelchair , he still looked formidable and strong . He half limped , half ran to me . Jasper gently patted my back before letting me go . The beautiful man wrapped his arms around me , kissing me breathless . I melted into his soft but firm lips and gentle caresses . The baby continued to do jumping jacks . The man reached down and felt my stomach . His eyes glowed and a beautiful smile overtook his face upon feeling the baby 's movement . Tears fell from my eyes as he laid open mouthed kisses on my neck and flushed cheeks . All I could do was cling to his massive shoulders and sob . Sadly , nothing was coming back . I didn 't remember this man , and something told me that he was definitely worth remembering . He finally lifted his head and took a good look at my face . His piercing eyes bored deep into mine before he licked my lips , letting his tongue slip slowly into my mouth . I knew that I should have been embarrassed , but his touch felt too damn good . Besides , no one was complaining . After we made out for a few minutes , the man pulled away . " Babydoll , tell me this isn 't a dream . Are you real ? " He asked , stroking my cheek . He wiped his face and beamed . " Jesus fucking Christ ! What the fuck did I do to get so lucky ? ! Babydoll … . You … Our baby … This is a motherfucking miracle ! All this time … I love you so fucking much , Bella . I 'll never let you go … I 'll never let you go again . Forever , remember ? Me and you are forever , babydoll , " he cried , burying his tear - soaked face in my neck . I played with the soft hair on the nape of his neck while I whispered in his ear . Our tears drenched each other 's clothes , but neither of us seemed to care . I vaguely heard people shuffling about . In that moment , it was only me and my husband . " I don 't remember yet , but I swear to you that I will , Edward . I don 't need my memory to know that I love you , too . Forever . " AnonymousNovember 3 , 2010 at 5 : 06 AMit 's so beautiful ! the reunion i mean ! i love edward 's nickname for bella " babydoll " . ReplyDeleteAnonymousNovember 5 , 2010 at 1 : 07 AMi cried during the reunion ! ! ! ! it 's so sweet ! ReplyDeleteJennJanuary 13 , 2011 at 3 : 25 PMYay ! They are back together . Hopefully her memory loss won 't last too long . ReplyDeletekenzersmomFebruary 4 , 2011 at 9 : 50 PMwow the memory thing really sucks ass i am so glad they are together i thought for sure when he said babydoll she would have everything back ! ! ! now they just have to kill james or they won 't have any peace . . and what about the hit on ed ? ReplyDeleteSamanthaJune 7 , 2011 at 10 : 50 AMThis is the shit that romance novels are made of ! This is EPIC ! I love it so much ! ! ! Sob , Sob ! ! Imagine how Edward must feel right now ! For months he thought his Babydoll was dead and then here she is ! Oh , how sweet ! I love this story ! ReplyDeletecherryhilzDecember 16 , 2011 at 2 : 42 PM . . . bawling again ! ! ! ! So sweet ! ReplyDeleteAnonymousMay 18 , 2012 at 2 : 18 PMI 've gone to many chapters with out Bella and Edward togetherReplyDeleteMary SmithSeptember 18 , 2013 at 11 : 29 AMEdward must feel as if he has come back to life in every way . . . I can 't wait to read this from HISPOV ! ! ReplyDeleteAdd commentLoad more . . .

He called me at about 11 : 00 this morning to tell me he was about an hour away . I was just getting out of the shower when he called and I answered the phone naked and still a little wet . ( Note to T : Don 't say it ! ) I got dressed and picked up odds and ends around the house to make it look neat and tidy . I got a text from K that she was taking the kids out to lunch . I asked her if she , and they wanted to join us . K and Ted 's wife went to high school together , though they were not in the same grade and she lived next door to K 's best friend ( who also turned out to be gay ) . If it was only Ted coming to visit , I would not have invited them , but since he was bringing his wife and kids ( who are both college age ) I figured it would be cool to bring my kids . After all , Ted has not seen my older kids in more than 10 years and he has not seen my little kids at all . Ted and family showed up right on schedule . I met them at the door . Gave Ted a firm handshake , a hug for his wife and handshakes for the kids . I noticed how Ted 's son looks a lot like Ted did at that age . They all came into the house and we chatted while we waited for my kids and K to show up . I was struck by the ordinariness of the lunch . We talked about the people we both knew . Got caught up on the events in our lives . We talked like we had just seen each other last week . Like our phone conversation the other day , I searched for any hint that he might be different . For any hint that my old friend might have a problem with me being gay . I didn 't find it . It was not there on the phone and it was not there in person . As a gay man I know the struggle of hiding who I am from people I am close to . We spend a lot of time worrying about how we talk , what we say , where we are looking , even how we hold our wrists . It 's fucking torture and I think it 's what eventually drives men out of the closet as they get older . We are scared that we will lose our friends . We worry that our families will dis - own us . I am starting to wonder why I ever went through all the trouble to do that . My family has been supportive . Well , you might say , they have to be supportive . Your parents and your sister are predisposed to love you no matter what . Maybe I say , but it still took me until I was 40 to tell anyone of them . My mother has told much of my extended family and they seems to be OK too . Now they are all far away , so I don 't really know how they feel since I interact with them so rarely . My ex - wife is OK with it . . . now . My kids are OK too . On Dec 9 , I wrote about the wife of a friend I went to high school with , and hos she was good after I told her I am gay . Let 's back up on that story for a moment . When I entered my freshman year in high school I met " Ted " . Ted had just moved to town from Virginia . He was a football player , a big guy , but a really nice guy . I don 't remember exactly how we met and became friends but we did . Ted did not look like the guy in the picture and I was never physically attracted to him , but we quickly became close friends all through high school . After high school we went to the same college . We did not live in the same dorm , but we were close and hung out a lot . We did a lot of drinking and we had a lot of fun that first semester . We both were placed on academic probation . The next semester I drank less , but Ted didn 't . He eventually told me that he never wanted to go to school but his parents made him . He wanted to join the Marines . After failing out he did just that . He joined the Marine reserves and went off to Paris Island . When he came back , it looked a lot more like the guy in the picture . While I stayed in school he got a job , got a girlfriend , got married and had a child . He was activated and shipped out to the first Gulf War back . He came back unharmed and through all this time we remained close friends . We were both very different people , but for some reason we just clicked . Eventually I finished school , got married to K and Ted moved to a southern state to join a city police force . Today he is a lieutenant at the same police department , this children are both in college and I have only seen him one in almost 20 years . He does not use Facebook , but his wife does and we are friends there . She has been seeing my posts lately and she reached out to me to see if I was OK . It was then that I told her I am gay . I was not sure if she was going to tell Ted about me or not . Several days later I got my answer . She had . She told me that he was OK with and only wanted me to be happy . So now my long time friend knows I am gay . The first of my old friends to find out I am gay . What was going to happen ? I was not sure . " HEY JIMBO ! ! " came back the cheerful reply ( I only let a very few people call me that . ) We had a short conversation and he seemed like the same old Ted . I searched his voice of signs of tension , but found none . I was very relieved . Now the best part . He is coming here ! ! He and his family are visiting his family for the holidays and they have to pass close to my house on their was home . He called me to ask if I could meet them for lunch as they pass through tomorrow . So this comes back to my original question . With all the positive reactions to my coming out , why was I so worried about it ? Why am I still worried about it ? I have to say , I had a really good Christmas . My oldest son even posted on his Facebook page that this was the " best Christmas ever ! " . As far as stuff goes , all the kids did really well . K spent a lot of money . I spent as much as I could afford , which was still a fair amount . AJ bought K a Nook Tablet . I bought her a case for it . She , along with the kids bought me one of those Keurig coffee makers . I love coffee and K took our good coffee maker . She left me with AJ 's shitty one which I promptly dropped in the trash . The Keurig maker was actually something I wanted but would never have bought it myself . My older sons picked out a nice set of handcrafted mugs to go with it . I was pretty happy about it . I stayed for Christmas dinner . It was a nice dinner . And while I did not feel completely at home , I was happy to be there with my kids ( and K too ) . After dinner , I got into my car and drove to T 's house . I did not make it for dinner at his house , but I was able to spend some nice time with him . We had some alone time for a while before it was time for me to leave for home . You can read his version here . The remainder of the holiday week so far has been me spending a lot of time with the kids at K 's house . Playing with toys and being together . Sometimes K was there but a lot of the time she left to do something else . Next week they go back to school and the week after that , I 'm starting school . I can hardly wait . So the other day I posted about family and how things were shaping up for me . I got a lot of good advice and T got his head swollen from some many ( including my mother ) agreeing with him . Of course he is right , as he constantly reminds me . I talked to my mother today . As she was telling me how she agreed with T and the other advice I got I asked a question . What kind of a family an I trying to create ? In many divorced families , the goal of the former spouses is to create 2 separate families . The children move back and forth between the separate worlds their parents create for themselves . I suppose in most cases this works well for everyone . But this is not the kind of family I want to create . This is not the target I am shooting for . Today I spent a good chunk of the day at K 's house . I played X - box with the kids . I helped make dinner . I chatted with AJ 's parents who have arrived this afternoon for the holiday . After the kids went to bed , K , AJ , and I when up into their bedroom to wrap Christmas presents . As we wrapped , K labeled all the packages since she had the best handwriting . As has been our tradition , each kids gets a single present from Santa and the remainder came from K and I . In the past , I always had a significantly larger income than K and therefore I paid for most of the presents , but as we were all one family , the presented were from " mom & dad " . What about this year ? I am unemployed and I am just holding on financially . I do not have a lot of money for presents this year . K has a job and she also got a windfall when she got half of my 401K plan . Also AJ makes more money than I did when I was working , and he chipped on on many of the presents even for my kids . In the " create a separate world " the vast majority of the presents my kids will get on Sunday would be labeled from " mom " or " mom & AJ " . The couple of small things I could afford would say from " dad " . I know there are some that will say , it won 't matter . It 's not about the " stuff " . The kids will understand you are not working and doing the best you can . All of these things may be true , but it sure would have made me feel like a dip - shit . I spent spent most of the day yesterday at K 's house . AJ has been away on a business trip and was scheduled to return yesterday . The kids have been out of school all week and K has had a bunch of running around to do . Rather than sit home alone , I elected to come hang out at her house with the kids . I think the kids like it and I know I like being there with them . I knew what she meant , but I could not help feeling badly . For 20 years I was her family , but not anymore . I understand why she feels like that . Then in a moment of foolishness I engaged in some texting with her . Before you say it , I know . It was a cheap shot . As Christmas approaches , I am noticing that I am feeling more and more lonely and depressed . I think I lashed out at K to make myself feel better , but it didn 't help . It just made me feel worse . So what is my problem ? I know this is irrational , but I feel like I am all alone this season . When I am at K 's house , I know I am at K 's house . I feel like a visitor there . I like being there with my kids , but it 's not the same as being HOME with my kids . I have a boyfriend whom I am deeply in love with , but we are not together very much . When I am at his house , I know that it is his house and I am visiting . ( Not because of anything he does . ) As much as I love being there with him , is it not the same as being HOME with my partner . When I am home , I am alone . When I think about being alone . . . I struggle with it . I know I will be for a long time . Add this to the stress and concerns about being out of work and starting school without a clear vision of how I will support myself . While I put on a happy face as much as I can , especially around the kids , it is gnawing at me all the time . And what 's more , I know it will be years before I can fix it permanently . Posted by With all the sub - games included in these 2 titles , the one I like the best was bowling . I really like playing that game , and I like best when I play it with someone else . Who wins and loses is not important to me , I just like playing . There is a social interaction that I like . At first , K used to play with me a lot . Then our relationship got strained . She worked at lot at night and found myself playing alone . At first I thought it was OK . I watched my cumulative points grow , but after a while it got boring . Eventually I stopped playing . This past weekend , I had all 4 kids staying at my house . On Saturday afternoon , my daughter and I were playing Wii . She like sword fighting and I have a good time playing with her . We played for a while , she got distracted by something else and she told me I could play myself for a while . I clicked on bowling . Saturday , K and AJ got married . This is an actual picture from the wedding . Don 't they look nice ? The ceremony was very nice . Both T and I were invited and we both went . I introduced him to everyone . The people there who I knew , already knew I am gay , but this would be the first time that most of them have seen me and T together . It 's one thing to hear about a guy who is coming out gay late in life . It 's something else to actually see that guy with his boyfriend . Everyone was very nice to both of us . In fact , K 's mother , sister , and aunt went out of their way to talk to T and include him in the family . K 's best ( girl ) friend since 5th grade , was very nice to him too . These are people who under normal circumstances might be hostile not only to me , but definitely to the boyfriend who stole their friends husband . But there was none of that . I was pretty happy about that . The kids participated in the ceremony . In fact , there were 2 places where the kids were involved . Without getting into too much detail , I think the things they did were really nice . I really do . If I was an absent father , I think it would have been a really nice way to fold them into a new family . But I am not an absent father . I am very involved . It was hard to sit there and let her have her time with AJ and MY KIDS and stay on the sidelines . VERY HARD . Everyone kept asking me if I was OK . I was starting to get tired of the question , but I know they only asked because they care about me . I told them that I was OK , when I really wasn 't . I was happy for K and AJ , but I really wished they had not done so much to include the kids . At the wedding there was one of those pictures of the happy couple with a large white border for the guest to sign and leave well wishes . As I was waiting in line for the buffet , I saw K and my youngest son next to this picture and he did not look happy . I excused myself and I went over to see what was happening . It turned out he was upset because he has signed his name using AJ 's last name . I don 't know what K told him , but he was upset that it might upset me he did that . He also said he wanted to change his last name . I was a little , but I did not let him know that . I took him to the side ( into a hay loft ) and I talked to him for a while to get him to calm down . At this time , I just wanted to get him to re - join the party and have a little fun . I sat down on a hay bail ( in my suit ) and we talked . I told him no matter what I was always going to be his dad . I also convinced him that changing his name was not something that he could to that night . We would have to fill out forms and go to a judge to get is changed officially . After about 10 min , he agreed to re - join the party . After dinner , after the first dances , after the cutting of the cake ( and the eating of the cake ) , T and I had enough . I just wanted to leave and so did he . The week before , T had misplaced his driver 's license and was waiting for the replacement to arrive in the mail . Since he could not drive , I had to go pick him up and will have to bring him home . K was not happy I was leaving , ( " You are leaving me to put the kids to bed by myself on my wedding night ? " ) but I left anyway . The next morning ( Sunday ) I went to K 's house as I usually do to meet them before going to church . When I walked in my youngest some greeted me in a way that made me think he was replacing me with AJ in his mind . I mentioned it to K and she talked to him . He told her that some kid at school told him that he could not have more than 2 parent and more than 4 grandparents . He was actually worried that my parents could not be his grandparents anymore . K explained to him that that was crap and we were adding to the family not taking anything away . I guess he accepted this , but I got a lot of passive aggressive crap from him all day . This was totally upsetting to me . It made it worse that now every misbehavior I was interpreting as the kids trying to push me out . It was a horrible feeling . I talked to T about it and he thought my son might be fooling around with me . It asked me to consider if I could be overreacting . It was possible . My kids mean everything to me and the risk is huge . I could be possible that I could be letting my fears about what could happen get the best of me . Yesterday ( Wednesday ) , I offered to take the kids out to dinner with me . After dinner we stopped at a Game Stop where I was able to take notes on the things they asked for . While we were there , 3 of the 4 kids asked to sleep at my house . I told , like I always have , they can stay with me any time they want . I have no beds for them , but I bought some air mattresses so at least they are not sleeping directly on the floor In the end the older boys decided to spend the night at K 's house in their own beds , but both younger kids wanted to stay with me . I was delighted ! ! We stopped at K 's to pick up their pillows and school clothes they needed for school in the morning . I was pretty happy last night having kids sleeping in my house again . This weekend I will have all 4 kids , even the older ones . I would like to think that they are coming to bond with the old man , but the reality is , they all have friends here and they want to have out with them . At the end of the day , I think that I was over reacting . I think that I am not losing my kids . I think that it will be OK . I was online today and , among other things , I was browsing around on Facebook . I got an unexpected message from a old friend from high school . Actually it was the wife of an old friend from high school , but I became close to her too . Twenty years ago they moved away to another state . I have see them once or twice in all that time . I have gotten only a couple of phone calls and other than that , we keep caught up via Facebook updates . I told her that I am gay . I told her that 's why K and I got divorced and why I am not upset that she is getting re - married tomorrow . After I typed that into the chat window , I waited a long time . I did not know what she would say . I know she is pretty religious . " That must have been hard all those years pretending to be something that you were not . Are you happier now that you are not pretending anymore ? " I could just feel the relief washing over me . We chatted several more minutes , but at the end , she was supportive and I was happy . Thank God for friends who stay through the years and the miles . They started arriving today Actually almost everyone from out of town who is coming to K 's wedding arrived today . K asked me to run to the store and pick up a bottle of wine for her to cook dinner with . I got another one for me to drink . And another one , just in case I needed it . I really don 't drink very much , but I could not stop myself today . After a while K got back from school . I left the to go home to meet a potential roommate . When I got back AJ 's parents and brother . They already know I am gay . They already know that K and still have a close relationship . They are not entirely comfortable with that relationship , even though AJ has tried hard to explain it to them . They were polite and nice . Then AJ came home . He had come from the airport with K 's aunt . I am indifferent about her aunt . Over the past few years she has been nice to me , but it has not always been that way . Also she is nice to my kids . I guess she has mellowed with age . Then K 's parents and her sister came . I really like K 's sister . While K 's family all know that I am gay , K 's sister has been the most enthusiastic supporter from K 's family . It was nice to see her . If I still lived north near them , I think she would be my fag hag and go to the bars with me . I like K 's parents too , they have always been nice to me . I don 't like the way they , and her sister , treat K sometimes . They cause K so much stress , it sucks the joy out of everything . The truth is that it 's about 50 % K 's fault . K is not always very flexible when things do not go her way . But at the end of the day , I usually have to deal with the stress . Dinner was served . It was a good dinner , but there was a lot of people and commotion I poured my third glass of wine . I stayed just long enough to tuck the younger kids into bed and then I headed for the door . I went home and I was starting to be happier than ever that I live alone . This is my 500th post . When I stated writing this , I did not know if it was going be something I was going to stick with . Turns out it help me a lot through a very difficult time in my life . While the crisis I started writing about is long over , my journey is not . I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to tell my story . I am grateful for the people who have read it , whether you commented or not . For the handful of people who have commented on the blog or written to me directly , I am especially grateful . I have not written is several days , because I have not hat that much going on . K is finishing preparations for her wedding on Saturday . As I get closer to the time when she will marry another man , I am feeling a strong sense of indifference . I find I just want it to be over . Both K and AJ have family coming in . Every time K 's parents come anywhere near her , she stress level goes through the roof . I would be lying if I said that it had no impact on me , it does . It is , however effecting me a lot less than in years past . I will be glad when it is all over . She did get a little bit of support for me , even unwittingly . One of the stresses she has is money , but and she has been running short . She got a little boost when she was notified that my 401K was split and she portion was available for her to withdraw . She took it . She will use that money to pay for her wedding , probably her honeymoon and other expenses . From another angle , I am looking forward to the wedding event itself . I think the biggest reason is having T there with me . As K moves on to her new life , I will be there with my new life by my side . I went to see T today . I had to help him with a problem that he had . Once we got that resolved , we got in the car and headed to the store . On the way we talked until I got a call from K . By the time I was finished with that , T was finished shopping and checking out . As we headed back to T 's house he got a call . He was speaking Vietnamese so I didn 't know what it was all about . As he was talking and I was driving , I reached over and took his hand . His fingers closed around my hand . I have guy coming to my house this afternoon who I met on Craigslist . No , I am not looking for a hook - up while T is at work . I am looking for a roommate who will help me pay for my house . Three months ago , I had worked out a plan with K so that when she moved out with the kids , I would have enough money to keep the house on my own . There would also be enough to cover a good child support payment and even a little saving to put in the bank . When I lost my job , back in September , more than 2 months ago , and just 2 weeks after K moved out , everything changed . I had hoped I would get a job quickly , before the severance I got ran out . No such luck . I had several interviews , but no offers . I worked in a fairly specialized role , which is making is more difficult for me . Now I am on the path of school . As of yesterday morning , I have all the classes that I need for the spring semester . I still need to work this into an " approved " plan with the underemployment people so I can keep getting that help and they won 't make me look for jobs at the same time . So now I have to get a roommate to save my house . I wonder if it will be someone I will like . I guess I don 't really care , since I am gone all the time . I don 't need to be friends with a roommate , but it would be nice to be friendly anyway . I actually like being naked . I tend to sleep with as little clothing as possible . Not for any sexual reason . I tend to roll around a lot in my sleep and I just don 't like the way pajamas will twist and bind under the covers . Frankly , I don 't know how anyone can sleep with all that clothing on . The most I ever wear to bed is underwear ( I prefer mid length boxer briefs , if you MUST know ) . Generally a nylon / spandex blend . I don 't like cotton . They twist and bind like pajamas would . While I prefer to sleep nude , I got in the habit of the skivies because for years you never know when the late night sound of little kid vomit would make you have to spring into action . There is never time to get dressed at a time like that . But there is something else I have noticed . Sometimes I don 't get dressed right away . The laundry room is downstairs and I am not always the best about bring the clean clothes up to the bedroom . After a shower , I sometimes go downstairs sans towel and pick through the laundry bucket for the clothes of the day . As the days have gone on , I find that I have been delaying getting dressed longer and longer . Just today for example . Before my shower I decided that I wanted some coffee . I didn 't see the need to get all dressed , I just went down stairs and started to make the coffee . While it was brewing , put away the dishes that ran in the dishwasher last night . When the coffee was ready , I sat down at the kitchen table to write this blog entry about being naked , well , naked . 1 . From the very first time I met him , T explained his family situation . He has been upfront and consistent though our entire relationship . There was nothing new in my post from yesterday , expect my growing frustration with my situation ( not his ) . 2 . For most of our relationship , especially early on , it was me that had limited time to be with him . The complication on my time was my wife and , to a lesser extent , my kids . Today his work is the major consumer of his time . The point is , that he did not complain too much even when it could be a month of more between times when I would see him . 3 . While I have always known about his family situation , it does not mean I agree with it . I have specific thought about it that I have shared with T . I am not going to get it to that here . It is his personal situation and I am not going to get into it any further than I already have . I will probably not mention it again here . 4 . I want to be with T more than anything . I really do . But it is not as simple as that . If T asked me to move into his house with him tomorrow , would I go ? I would like to say 100 % yes . I could be pack by the end of the day . But is that the reality ? Maybe not . I have my kids to think about . T lived a hour away and I as much as I love him , it would not be easy to be that far from my kids . It would not be easy at all . 5 . I do not know what the future holds for T and I . T and I do not have a typical relationship , even among gay people . Even if we lived together tomorrow , I know that we might only see each other at night just before bed . ( I for one would be OK with that ) . 6 . Will the day come at some day when I will have to stay good bye to T and look for someone else ? I suppose it could happen at some point , but I am no where near ready for that . I am deeply on love with T and I do not see that on the horizon . I will not consider that until I am sure that there is nothing else to be done and we are really at some sort of a stale - mate . But we are not there . There is much that can be done and is being done to move things forward . I think there had been a lot of movement in his family in even the past couple of months . At the end of the day , will his family accept me living there with him . I don 't know , but we are working on it . I believe in my heart , we will get there , sooner or later . T has written some interesting stuff on his blog lately . If you want to know more about him take a look . The one he wrote today , I think I need to talk about . ( You can read it here . ) One thing I want to make clear . T totally made me gay . I was completely in love with my wife , until T put his homo spell on me and made me fall in love with him . OK . . . Well , that may not be really true . But T really is the reason K and I finally realized what had been wrong with our marriage for a long time . We realized I am not " bi " but gay . I realized when I fell in love with him , what " in love " felt like . At almost 40 years old , I had not really experienced it before . I think if I had not met T , K and I would still be living in our house , together with the kids and we would be totally miserable . Many years while K and I were together , even the years before I met T , I was lonely a lot of the time . She was gone a lot for her job on nights and weekends leaving me alone with the kids . I didn 't much like it , but it gave me time to think about things . It gave me time to realize how lonely I was . I gave time to dream about what a relationship with a man might be like . At that time , I was dreaming about a relationship with a man . I did not know who this man was . I did not know what he looked like . I did not know if there even was such a man . It was just any man . The fantasy man . The funny thing is , I imagined life with this fantasy man was very much like the life I had with K . It was regular things that regular couple do all the time . Shop . Cook . Yard work . Sleep . Talk about work . Have sex . Play with the kids . In many of my dreams , I simply replaced K with the man and went on with life . So , do I want a man who will be with me all the time ? Who will be my partner in everything ? Who will be by my side every night when I close my eyes ? Of course , the answer is yes . I want that more than anything in the world . Now the harder questions . Do I want it with any man ? The answer to that depends on when you ask it . If you asked me 4 years ago , before I met T , then answer would have been yes . I would have dated men , hoping to find the one that was right and could be the partner that I want him to be . If you ask me today , the question is harder and simpler to answer . When I first met T , I was instantly attracted to him . ( I took this picture of him on our first date . See how HOT he his ? ) He told me about his family situation and it did not bother me at the time because I had no intention of ever leaving my wife for a man . Remember , at the time I was not gay , but " bi " . When I met T , the best I was hoping for was friends with benefits . I did not expect to fall in love with him . Besides , falling in love was strictly against the rules that K and I had established when she let me explore my sexual desires . But I did fall in love and that was the beginning of the end our marriage . Today , she is getting ready to marry a straight man who is in love with her the way that she deserves . I think , in the end , it worked out quite nicely for her . Me ? I am alone in my house and I hate it . I do not like being alone . I do not like sleeping alone . I do not like grocery shopping for myself . I do not like watching TV alone . I do not like cooking for just me . I do not like having no one to talk to when I get into bed , before I drift off to sleep . Once I broke up with T to pursue a man who lived far away , but was willing to move to my state and live with me . He could have been the partner I always dreamed of . This is all in the blog too , you can read about it as it unfolded ( look at April and May of 2010 ) . What I learned during that trip is that I don 't want a man . Well , I don 't want just any man . I want the man I am in love with . I want T . He is the man I want to make my life with . Am I happy we cannot be together all the time ? No . Can I live with it for now ? Yes . I have to . Sometimes T and I talk about it . Sometimes it is not very nice either . But , in the end , we are always united by our love . It is not easy for me . It is not easy to be second or third place behind his mother and sister . I think it is not really fair sometimes . After all , his sister is an adult who can make her own choices . If she chooses to stay in the closet and be lonely then , that is her choice . It should not impact me as I am looking for my happiness . But my happiness is with T , so it does impact me . There are sometimes when I think that T could go a little further . His parents were on a trip a while back . I was home alone and I invited him to come a stay the night . He refused because he did not want to leave his sisters alone . I was furious . He could not bare leave them alone for one night , but he didn 't mind leaving me alone . What the hell was that ? I mean it was only one night . What he did do , was invite me to stay with him . I immediately accepted and I spent the night in his bed , in his house . That was fine with me . I did not have to be alone with him , ( his sisters were their respective rooms ) all I need was to be with him . The truth is , I understand his commitment to his family . I don 't always agree with it , but I understand it . He does work hard to get them to accept our relationship . I wish they would do more to meet him half way and accept our relationship , much like they accept the relationship of his married , straight siblings . So what do I envision for our relationship . He has his family and I have my kids . ( No , it is not the same . His family are all adults . My kids are small and need their daddy . ) We each have commitments that are important to us . He has never tried to take me away from my kids and I would never try to take him away from his family . What I would like is more of a meeting in the middle . What does that look like ? I don 't know , and the truth is , I don 't care . I would accept almost any compromise that leads to T and I sleeping side my side every night . I do not have to have T all to myself . I would love to have him and I live together in our own little house somewhere , just he and I . I know that will never happen , so what 's next best ? I would happily accept an invitation to move in with him in his current house . I would be happy to live there with his sisters and his parents . Would it be ideal ? Of course not , but I think it would be a good compromise . At the end of the day , I want to be together with T . I want us to share a home . Share a life . Not over the phone where we tell each other about our day , but where we experience our day together . I know that deep down T wants this too . I think his family has moved a long way in accepting me and my relationship with T . I think they have moved a lot in just the past couple of months . The question is will they move enough to allow us to be together . To allow us to be together like his married brothers and sisters . I am going to get part of my dream to come true today . Those who have been following me for a while know that I have certain visions that mean success . I have written before about one of them . Thanksgiving dinner . K and I talked about the ideal outcome of our transition and spending Thanksgiving dinner together as a new family . With T and K and AJ , my kids , all sitting down together go give thanks for all the good things in our lives . My reality is not going quiet as well . K knew what time I had to leave to have dinner with T and his family . I am not sure she did it intentionally , but she dragged her feet on getting her turkey in the oven so I am very close to having to choose between having Thanksgiving dinner with my kids or my boyfriend . I could have easily had both if she had not taken so long . Fortunately , I told K , T 's family was eating at 6 : 00 , when they are actually eating at 7 : 00 . That will save me today . Am I upset about it ? Not really . After all , most of what I have been dreaming about is going to come true . K and I still have a really good relationship , even though we are officially divorced . ( There really has been no change ) . I am thankful for that . A negative relationship would be bad for me , but it would also make it much harder for the kids . I am thankful . I am thankful I have been able to transition from frustrated closeted gay who was terrified to be who he really is , to being comfortable gay dad with a boyfriend henis deeply ( and openly ) in love with . I am thankful my kids have taken the transition with little or no negative impact . I am VERY thankful I have found a man who loves me in spite of all my faults and flaws . I am not so thankful I don 't have a job , but I am thankful that I have a good direction and support to help me get there . All and all I have a pretty good life . I know there are a lot of people who have it WAY worse than me . I also know I am on a good path and things will only get better . I 'm thankful for that too . Yesterday the kid were off from school . I spent a good chunk of the day making treats I will bring to T 's house later this afternoon . My daughter chose to hang out with me while I did that . We watch a movie together . We watched " Spy Kids 4 " I get movies from the Redbox quite a bit for the kids . It 's cheap and it makes them happy . But I rarely watch the movies myself . Tonight after I put everyone to bed , I decided that I would have a movie night too . I like movies but I don 't really like watching them alone . Since , I am alone at home , I have to make changes in my thinking , right ? So , one of the movies the kids wanted was the new " Conan the Barbarian " . I figured a long haired , muscular guy with his shirt off for an hour and a half should be OK . Even if the plot is no good , the eye candy should make up for it , right ? It was OK . I mean , the movie was fine , but I still did not like being there alone watching . I was wishing T was there with me . Even watching with my older boys or K would have been better than watching alone . I told you that last Monday was the official court date when K and I would be officially divorced . I was told by my lawyer that it happened as planned , but until today I could not prove it . I got the official paperwork today . So now it is done . I need to go back and update the header on the blog to reflect my new single status . ( Except I am not really single , am I ) Thanksgiving is coming up and this will be different from years past . Lat year , you may remember , I was home with the kids and K was on a cruise with AJ . My parents were here with me and the kids . This year I am divorced . I talked to my mother this afternoon and I think she was worried that I might be spending Thanksgiving alone . I am actually going to be having a busier holiday than usual . I will be going to K 's house in the first half of the day . She is roasting a turkey in the oven and AJ is deep frying an second one . K has planned to eat in the early afternoon . After that , I will be going to T 's house . I am not sure what they will be having , but I understand that his family does not really like turkey . I am actually , looking forward for to dinner there . It will be a big surprise for me . I 'm sure whatever it is , it will be good . This will be the first holiday that T and I will spend together . Well , at least part of it . I think the day will be special and I am really looking forward to it . The strength of a relationship , in my view , is not how much fun you have together . It 's not how much sex you have . It 's not how many vacations you take together . It 's not how things play out in the good times . Any two people can get together and stay together when everything is good . When everyone is happy and there is no stress , relationships can appear to flourish . During the time that K and I were married , we had many good times . We also had many bad times . If I look at the strength of our relationship today , I really believe it is the bond that was forged by going through the bad time together that really binds us today . It is why we will continue to have a strong bond forever despite all that has happened in the past three and a half years . All the while , T was there for me . At every step , even the points where we broke up , he was there for me . He always has been a phone call away with the calm and steady perspective . But the point is , he has been together with me the whole time . I know that sooner of later we will be together in the way I dream about . It will not happen anytime soon , but I know it will happen . When it does , we will have forged the kind of bond that will last forever . The type of bond can only be forged by dealing with the bad times together . I am gay man in his 40 's who was married for 18 years to a straight woman , who is still my very best friend . We have 4 children together . She is now remarried and we still want to be supportive of each other and make a stable family for our kids . T : My ex - boyfriend . We were together from 2008 to 2013 . He is still an important person in my life . AJ : K 's new husband . They got married December 2011 . Most of the images used in my blog I found floating around the Internet . I believe , in good faith , that they are either public domain , or my non - commercial use falls under fair use guidelines . If , however , you are the are the copyright owner of any image and wish me to remove it , please contact me and I will do so as quickly as possible

Posted on January 4 , 2013 by Who I am 14 Henry pulled into the bowling alley parking lot . He had been here a few times . Went bowling with friends , but bowled so bad he never went back . When he walked inside it was pretty quiet . He could smell coffee coming from the little cafe on the side . He head a few pins being knocked down . As he looked out over the lanes , he saw one family sharing some time together . He thought , that could be me and my kid some day . Other than the family of bowlers he didn 't see anyone else . He walked over to the cafe and grabbed a cup of coffee and put his dime in the money cup . He took it over to the red table and sat down . Wonder who runs this place . They on vacation ? A bald man came out of the back office . He had a big gut and the bottom button was left undone . Probably too fat to get it buttoned . The guy noticed Henry sitting there and walked up to him . " Can I help you kid " ? Henry stood up and extended his left arm out . Shaking hands Henry said , " I heard you are looking for a set - up man . I came right over when I heard about it . Are you still looking for someone " ? " I am . I need some more money . Got a kid coming on the way and I need more hours . I work over part - time at the grocery store bagging groceries . It is an ok job , but won 't do enough for me " , Henry said . " You got your girl knocked up huh kid . Pretty stupid thing to do if you ask me , but who 's asking ? This job pays every week . It is a late - nite job . You come in around 7 and you work until we close at midnite . It pays sixty cents an hour . You interested " ? " How about tonight ? My name is Carl but you can call me boss " . Henry reached out his hand and shook on the deal with Carl and putting his hat back on he turned and left , yelling back at the guy , " See ya tonight and thanks " . Henry was smiling and whistling his way to his car . He had done it . He had landed himself another part - time job . With these two jobs he now had a full - time job . Wait til I tell Jane and the guys . He got in his car and took off a little faster than he should . Dirt scattered in the parking lot . He saw a cop sitting on the next corner but he must have been eating his donut as he didn 't do a thing . He went over to Jane 's house and jumped out of the car and raced to the house . Banging on the door , it wasn 't long before it opened , with Jane standing there . Henry grabbed her by the waist and picked her up and swung her around . She started giggling and telling him , " put me down Henry . Right now " . Henry ignored her as he continued to swing her . " I got another job doll . I am going to be working over at the bowling alley . Going to be a night job . I am going to bag groceries through the day and then go set - up pins at night " . Jane 's face went from giggles to frowns . " When we going to have time to see each other Henry ? If you work day and night when you going to fit me in " ? Henry let her down and tried to think of the perfect answer . He didn 't want any fighting to start . He knew what he was doing was the right thing . " Oh doll , you know I will be with you every minute I can . You know how much I love you . We are going to have to help mom and dad out when we start staying there . We can 't expect them to feed us every meal can we ? This way we can have time together alone . We can go to the restaurant and get a burger , then we can go to our special spot and be together " . He winked at her and she recognized that wink . Sex , is that all men ever think about ? Isn 't that how I got myself in this position , by having sex ? Jane smiled at him . She knew in her heart that he was right , but she was going to miss him . " So , when you going to start this new job " ? " Tonight at 7 . Maybe you can come over and see me on my break . I got to get going doll . I have to be at work in in a few hours and I 'm starving " . With this , he reached down and squeezed her real hard placing a hard kiss on her lips . She gasped for air , but when he turned around to wave as he was leaving he saw that smile . Her smile melted his heart every time he saw it . " Remember , next Saturday , you and me , getting hitched " . Jane had no time to respond as he climbed in his car and spinning his tires took off . He drove home with his radio cranked . Patsy Cline was singing Crazy , and Henry thought to himself , ya crazy , crazy for you doll . He pulled in the drive and went inside . His mom was washing dishes and she smiled at him as he entered the room . As he was getting some ham out of the refrigerator , he said , " I got a job mom . I mean I got another job to go along with my baggers job . You won 't have to worry about me and Jane living here as much now mom . We won 't be any problem . We will try to find our own food to eat so you and dad won 't have to worry about your budget " . He got the bread out and the ketchup and made himself two sandwiches . He poured himself a tall glass of milk and sat down at the table to eat . Carol remarked , " Honey you aren 't going to be any problem . It 's that girl you are going to have living here . I worry how she and I are going to get along . Does she talk much ? You know I have my own routine and I don 't want someone yakking in my ear all day " . " Ah mom , don 't worry . Jane 's quiet . She will stay out of your way . She will probably sleep a lot being pregnant . You won 't even know she is here " . With that his mom came over and tugged on his ear and smiled down at him . Then she turned and left the kitchen , the dishes being done . she had carried all these years . No wonder she was so grouchy all the time . She has never forgiven herself . Well , I am not going to let this happen to my woman and me . I will work and take care of everything . I am not running away and leaving her to hang . Henry started the car , not knowing where he was headed . Last night he had racked his brain trying to think of someone who was hiring . Nothing hit him though , so he was just going to drive around town until he saw something . He drove by the filling station and saw a couple of his buddies trucks parked there . He pulled in and went inside . He found them in the garage side . They were working on a car that belonged to Tom , his friend . He walked over and patted Tom on the back and said with a grin , " Hi ya buddy , how 's it hanging " ? Tom turned towards him with a jerk and said , " Hey there , you scared the hell out of me coming up and slamming me on the back like that . I am fine . We 're just messing around with Fred 's car here . He says he heard some kind of knocking sound when he was driving around last night " . Henry walked under the car where it sat up on the rails and looked at the hoses . He didn 't see any drips . He thumped the tires and got out from underneath the car . The two buddies went back to work trying to find where the sound may be coming from . Henry watched , and then soon started for the door . Fred hollered out , " Where ya going buddy ? Ya don 't have to leave . Stay around and keep us company . You haven 't got any better place to be " . Henry turned back towards them and walked back towards them . " Well , I have to find a job . I need some extra money " . Tom asked , " What 's wrong with the job you have over at the grocery store ? Aren 't you bagging enough ladies groceries " ? Tom and Fred started laughing and elbowed each other . Henry said , " No , I need more money , more hours " . The friends both piped up and asked , " Ya got your eyes on another baby to fix up " ? Henry hung his head and then looked back at the guys and said , " Well you are half - right . I am looking for a baby , but not a car or truck , a real baby , my baby " . The two men looked at him and Tom dropped his wrench while Fred dropped his mouth . They came out from under the car and walked closer to Henry . Fred said , " Come on over here to our little break room and pop a squat . Tell us what the hell you are talking about " . Henry followed them over to the picnic bench and the three of them all lit a cigarette . Silence followed as they each tried to out do each other with smoke rings . Tom looked at Henry and commanded , " Speak , what the hell are you talking about " ? Henry replied with , " It 's my woman Jane ? She , well , she and I , well we 're gonna have a baby " . His two friends asked , " How did you get yourself in that kind of spot man ? Don 't ya know about the rubber ? You do carry one in your wallet don 't ya " ? Fred reached for his wallet and pulled out a condom saying , " Hopefully one day I will get to use this , but I keep it here for all emergencies " . Tom snickered and under his breath said , " Yeah , that will be the day when that thing gets used " . The three started giggling and went back to puffing on their smokes as they digested what had been said . After putting their butts out in the ash tray the smiles left and Tom asked Henry , " Sounds like you have decided to keep this kid if you are out looking for more money . Got any plans ? Have you told your parents yet " ? Henry came back with , " Ya we told our parents . Fred asked , " We ? You both told your parents ? Oh wow , how did that go man ? Did they want to beat you up and spit you out " ? With that Henry stood up and pulled some change out of his pants pocket . He walked over to the pop machine and bought an orange pop . ( In those days , orange pop , red pop , and root beer were the favorite sodas ) . The two followed his actions , getting one for themselves too . They all sat back down and popped the caps and took a nice big swig . Burping and laughing they got serious again waiting for Henry 's reply . Henry said , " Both parents took it better than I thought they would . Mine offered for Jane to move in with us until I can find more work " . You could stick a fork in the silence it got so quiet . All three were pondering on how that was going to work out . Jane living with Henry 's mom . Fred was thinking , this should be better than any movie I have ever watched on the big movie screen . Tom was saying to himself , this is never gonna happen . Henry 's mom is way out there , a real nut case . Henry was thinking , mom may do a turn - a - round . Now that I know what she has been going through , she just may understand . " So , have you looked anywhere yet " ? Tom asked . Henry told him , " No I haven 't . I have thought and thought but can 't think of a place that is hiring " . " Well you 're in luck my friend . The bowling alley is hiring . They are looking for someone to set up pins . It is a shit job but it 's money , and money is what you 're after , right " ? Henry thanked him for the tip and turned to leave saying , " See ya all later . Gonna go over and check this job out " , and with this he walked out the door closing it behind him . Once they were down to only drinking their malt Henry turned towards Jane and said , " It won 't be so bad doll . Hell , I have lived with my parents forever . I just tune them out . We need a place to live . I promise you , I am going to look for a better job first thing in the morning . Trust me babe , it 's going to be alright " . Jane replied , " Henry , I don 't know if I can pull this off . I love you but , living with your parents , your mom ? I don 't want to be without you so I will give it a try , just for you " . The two finished off their drink and he started the car letting the waitress know they were ready to leave . He drove them up to lover 's lane . It was a windy road that ran around the lake . It was made of dirt and not much traffic . He turned the car off and got out of the car . He walked around and opened her door . The two of them grabbed a blanket from the trunk and walked until they found a nice soft spot of grass and spread the blanket out . He sat and pulled her to him . He kissed her lips and as he was kissing her neck , he unbuttoned her shirt and unhooked her bra . She took her cue and laid down on the blanket . He followed her grabbing a hold of her swollen breasts and began to kiss them , cupping them in his hands . He bit the tips causing a hardness to form in her nipples and in his pants . He ran his hands over her belly , leaving it rest for a moment where the baby was growing . He then lowered his hand and ran it down the length of her legs and then back up to the garden of love . She arched her body to him , inviting him to go deeper . He fondled her and stirring desires from deep within her , he continued until she could take no more . She screamed with passion and grabbed a hold of his manhood and led it deep into her flowering garden . He wasted no time as he rose above her and let himself slowly slip in taking her for his own . The two rose to another level of sanity as they were no longer able to keep their senses under control . Moments later , they laid on their backs gazing up at the millions of stars . He said , " Was it as good for you as it was for me " ? Jane rolled over on her side next to him , and touched his lips saying , " hush , let 's not ruin the moment . " After they had laid there for a while in each others arms , Henry got up and said , " We better get going . I have to get to bed early so I can look for a new job tomorrow . " The two gathered the blanket and tossed it back in the trunk . When he pulled up in front of her house , he leaned over and gave her a peck on her cheek and then she got out of the car waving at him . On his way to his own house he thought about her living with his mom . Anxiety rose inside of him at the thoughts of anyone but him being able to live with his mom . She was not the most friendly mom , but for now he would make sure it worked . Where am I going to get more work or a better job ? I work at the bowling ally now sitting pins . I like it but it isn 't enough to pay for a baby . He pulled out a cigarette and lit it . Taking a big puff on it and letting rings roll off of his lips , he sat in the drive way thinking before he walked in to who knew what . After he smoked he got out and went in . His parents were still sitting in front of the television . They looked up at him as he closed the door behind him and headed for his room . As he was taking two steps at a time his dad called out to him . " Got any ideas how you are going to handle this ? Got any money saved up Henry " ? Henry stopped and turned towards his dad and said matter of fact , " I am going to take care of it first thing in the morning . Don 't worry dad , I am not going to mess up or ask anything from you . " With this he turned and went to his room . His dad went back to watching television . The next morning Henry woke earlier than usual and the first thing on his mind was money . He took a shower and went to the kitchen and poured himself a bowl of cereal . His mom was sitting at the table drinking her coffee . As he sat down to eat , Carol said , " Son we don 't talk too much about serious things , but make sure you take care of this problem . Don 't let yourself end up like your mother " . Henry asked , " Like you ? What , did you get yourself knocked up before you were married too ? " His mother started to shed a tear and hung her head . She said , " I thought I was in love . I let the guy convince me that our love was forever . I ended up pregnant . My parents had a fit and kicked me out . I had nowhere to go and I had nothing with me except the clothes on my back . I ended up walking to my girlfriend 's house . I guess from the crap going on in my life , it caused me to lose the baby . Now that I look back , it was actually a blessing . No parents , no boyfriend , no baby " . Henry went over and gave his mom a hug . This was something the two had not shared since he was a child . He told her , " don 't worry mom . I got it under control . With you and dad helping us out by letting us stay here , it will help . I am going out now to find a better job . " Carol patted his hand and dried her tears . " Please don 't ever mention this to your dad Henry . I never told him . " He looked at her and for the first time understood his mom a lot better . He thought , no wonder she is always in a bad mood . She has carried this deep dark secret for a long time . He said , " don 't worry mom , it 's our little secret , " and with this he left the house to job hunt . Posted on December 17 , 2012 by Who I am 22 Henry and Jane got in his car and drove the distance to his parents . It was awful quiet inside the car as each were deep in thought about how this was going to go . Henry 's parents were hard . They didn 't give a shit about other people . They were always wrapped up in what there was to gain for themselves . The car engine shut off and the two glanced at each other . Henry reached over and patted her hand . " Come on , let 's go in and get this over . What 's the worst they can do , yell " . He smiled at her with those big blue eyes , and she put a tiny curve at the edge of her lips . They both got out of the car and walked in the front door . The neighbor was visiting and Henry and Jane walked past them and straight to the kitchen . Henry opened the refrigerator and grabbed a soda and popped the tap off . He took a big swig and then handed it to Jane . She wasn 't thirsty as much as she was nervous , so she took a sip and then handed it back to him . George came out to the kitchen and asked , " What you two up to ? Surprised to see you here . Something wrong or are you just stopping by to raid the ice - box " ? Henry gazed at Jane and then turned to look at his dad . " We got to talk dad . We got something important to tell you " . George looked at him while grabbing himself a beer out of the fridge . He walked past them without saying anything and went back to the living room where the two gabby ladies were sitting . " Henry says he needs to tell us something real important Carol . You might want to put a lid on this conversation so we can hear what he 's got to say " . Carol looked a little embarrassed at her friend , but suggested they put a hold on this talk and save it for tomorrow . She walked her to the door and then came back and sat down in her favorite chair . She said , " What 's this all about ? You better not have done anything . Are you in trouble with the law Jane " ? Jane walked in the living room and sat as far opposite from Carol as she could get . Henry sat in front of her on the floor . " Nah mom , Jane hasn 't done anything against the law , and neither did I . Calm down mom . You don 't want to cause your heart to flutter " . " Then what is it Henry " ? George said . " Spit it out , we have to get ready here soon . There is a square dance tonight that we want to go to " . Henry coughed and then said , " I asked Jane here to marry me tonight . She said yes and you and mom are going to be grandparents " . Carol 's head fell back against her chair and she was fanning her face with her hankie . Her face was becoming pale . George was watching his wife and then looking at the two of them he said , " When ya getting married ? Where you two going to live ? Henry , your job isn 't going to pay enough to take care of you , let alone a woman and a kid . You best be planning on just moving in here in the spare bedroom " . Carol was still remaining quiet . Inside she was thinking , this is so embarrassing . What are my friends going to say . How am I going to show my face to the neighbors . Girl knocked up and not even dry behind the ears . I guess I better take a look at those drawers in the bedroom to see if there is going to be enough space for her things . Henry said , " We are going to get married in two weeks . This will give me enough time to find a better job and get a pay check before we make this thing right " . George nodded his head in agreement then said , " Your mom and I will move all the things that are not needed out of the spare bedroom and put it in your bedroom Henry . Your room is smaller than the spare , so this will be your new room " . Jane was sitting in a half - dazed moment . Live here with his parents ? Live here , in the same house as them ? Oh no , I am not going to do this . We can just stay at my house . Anything would be better than living with this woman . He wasn 't bad but her ? no way am I going to be in the same house living with her . With Henry 's drink being emptied he stood up and tossed it in the waste basket . He looked down at Jane and asked , " You ready to go ? They got plans , let 's hit the road " . Jane got up quickly and smiled at each of Henry 's parents and the two exited the house . " It went pretty well don 't you think " ? Henry asked as they walked back to the car . Jane exploded right there in the drive - way . " You can 't expect me to live here with your parents can you ? I don 't even get along with your mom ! She has issues ! She is bossy and is going to just make me her personal slave while I stay here ! Henry , you didn 't even ask me first if this would be alright " ! Henry got in the car without remarking to her . He started the car and pulled out a cigarette of his pocket and lit up . He took a deep drag of it and waited for her to get in the car . Jane stood outside pouting . When she didn 't get any response from him , she opened the door and got in . He started the car and then they went to the one drive - inn and parked the car . The waitress skated up to them and asked what they were going to have . Henry said with no hesitation , " Um , bring me a couple of burgers loaded , a cheeseburger , and a large fry . Bring me a large chocolate malt too with an extra glass " . The waitress wrote down the order and skated off . Posted on December 11 , 2012 by Who I am 19 Henry 's cutting up stopped abruptly as the words Jane spoke sank in his mind . " Pregnant ? pregnant ? How in the world did you get pregnant ? Who have you been sleeping with " ? Jane burst into tears as she reached over and slapped Henry on the shoulder . " You dummy ! You are the one I been sleeping with ! How could you ask something like that ? You know there hasn 't been anyone besides you " ! Henry brushed his shoulder off and then took his arm and pulled her over to him . " I 'm sorry baby . I guess I was just taken aback when you told me . I thought we used good protection " . Jane raised her head up to him ; her eyes locked on his . " What protection did we ever use ? Are you sure it isn 't you that is cheating ? You know we haven 't used any kind He took his toothpick out of his shirt pocket and began to chew on it ; trying to think of a way around this . Jane tugged on his shirt until he was forced to look at her again . Through teary eyes she asked , " What are we going to do Henry ? What are we going to do with this baby ? Do you still love me ? You are going to stick around aren 't you ? You aren 't going to go and run off are you " ? Henry wasn 't going to run off and he told her so . He also realized that he didn 't make the kind of money it was going to take to raise a kid . He looked at her and said , " The first thing we need to do is get in there and tell your mom and dad , then go tell my parents " . Both sat in silence letting this thought roll around in their heads . With a smudge of fear in Jane 's voice she asked , " Do you really think that is a good idea involving the parents ? What are they going to say ? What if they kick me out or turn their backs on us " ? Henry chewed on his toothpick again and hesitated before answering then said , " We have to tell them . We have to get that out - of - the - way first . We need to know if they are going to be behind us or against us " . Jane nodded in agreement , but was not looking forward to any of this . They both opened their car doors and got out and grabbing onto each others hands , they walked up to the front door . When Jane walked in she saw her parents watching television . Henry followed her to the couch and the two sat down . Her parents looked at her odd , because they were interrupting their television program . Silence hit the room like a brick . All that could be heard was the sounds from the box they were watching . " What 's up with you two " ? Dave asked . " We 're watching this program . If you got something to say , spit it out " . Debbie looked over at the two and became a little nervous . She thought , this must be something bad . These two never come in and talk to us . I don 't know if I want to stay here and hear what they have to say . With this thought Carol stood up to go out into the kitchen but Jane stopped her by saying , " Wait mom , come back and sit down . Henry and me , well us two have something to tell you and you probably aren 't going to like it " . Debbie sat back down and began started playing with her fingers nervously . " Now what the hell is going on " ? Dave asked . " You march in here and you sit right here so we can 't watch our program and then you say you need to tell us something . Spit it out girl ! Quit beating around the bush " ! Jane held Henry 's hand a little tighter . She looked at Henry and then at her parents . She started to say something when Henry spoke up . " Dave , Debbie , I want to marry your daughter . We are in love and we want to get married " . The two parents looked at each other and then started to laugh . " Well why the hell didn 't you just tell us when you first sat down ? You get us all worried something bad has happened and here you just want to marry our kid " . Dave stood up and walked over to Henry and patted him on the back . Debbie went to her daughter and told her congratulations . Everyone smiled but Jane . She was thinking , What the hell just happened ? Did he just tell my parents he loved me ? Did he just let them know he wanted to marry me ? Jane looked over at the three of them . None of this was sinking in . My parents are happy about all this . They don 't care if we get married . They don 't even know about the baby yet , and they are still happy ? Then it sunk in . She was pregnant . He was going to marry me . He is not leaving me here hanging ! She walked over to Henry and gave him a big hug , and then her dad asked , " When you two getting hitched " ? Jane and Henry glanced at each other and then Henry said calmly , " Soon , very soon . We need to run over to my house and tell my parents and then we will decide on a date . It won 't be any big deal . We can get married at the Justice of the Peace . So we will just pick a day and then let you know " . With this all being said , Jane and Henry walked into the kitchen with big smiles on their faces . Jane made each of them a sandwich and while they were eating Jane lowered her voice and said , " Do you really mean what you said in there ? You want to marry me ? Does this mean we are going to raise this kid together " ? Henry looked into her eyes while he took another bite . " Of course baby . You know I love you . I just have to get a better paying job and then we will be alright " . With that being said they finished their sandwich and then went back to the living room and Jane told her parents that they would be back . They were going over to his mom and dads now . Dave nodded letting her know he heard her , and then went back to watching his favorite show . Posted on December 6 , 2012 by Who I am 11 Jane and Laurie waited until the waitress took their order . Laurie then bent her head closer to her friend and asked , " What are you going to do ? I can 't believe the test results came back that you are pregnant " ! Jane sucked in her breath . She didn 't want Laurie to know that she was scared . She didn 't want to break down crying in front of strangers . Her eyes began to water as she replied , " I don 't know what I am going to do . My parents are going to kill me . They are never going to understand that I didn 't mean for this to happen . Should I tell Henry " ? Both girls sat in silence trying to sort out the correct answer . Laurie was the first to speak . " You have to tell Henry of course ! He is the father isn 't he ? You weren 't with any other guys were you " ? Jane 's eyes got big as she almost shouted , " Oh for heaven sakes Laurie , you know Henry has been the only one . He was always the only one . How could you ask such a stupid question " ? Silence fell around the table as the waitress brought their fries and drinks . They shared a big platter of fries , and ordered an extra - large strawberry shake with an extra glass . Laurie divided the shake into the two glasses and said , " Don 't be mad Jane . I had to ask . Are you going to tell him " ? Jane sighed and said , " I guess I will have to . What choice do I have ? Besides , he will have to help give me money won 't he ? He will want the baby because he loves me , right " ? Laurie looked at Jane 's face and wish she knew the answer . Instead , she tried to build up hope by smiling and saying , " Of course he will want the baby . Henry loves you . Never doubt that " . With that confirmation , both girls dug into the fries , each thinking their own thoughts about how this was going to turn out in the end . They changed the subject and talked about what they were going to do the rest of the day . Summer was almost over and Laurie brought up school starting next month . Both girls looked at each other and the question was answered before it was spoken . Jane sadly said , " You will be going to school , and I will be stuck at home with my parents . I can 't go back to school ! What will everyone say once I begin to to look like a cow " ? Her eyes began to well up , and Laurie got up and went over and sat down beside her friend . She put her arm around Jane 's shoulder and said , " Everything is going to be alright . It will all work out , you will see " . Jane didn 't feel confident in hearing this , as Laurie 's voice wasn 't steady as she spoke . The girls paid and left the restaurant . They walked as far as they could together , then split directions , promising to call later that night . Laurie found some friends on her way home and she stopped to see what they had been up to . She was invited to one of her friends for supper , so she didn 't get home until late . When she walked in , her mother was furious and worried . Laurie 's mom , Chris started yelling as soon as Laurie walked in the door . " Where in the world have you been young lady ? I have been worried sick ! Tell me right now " ! Laurie said , " One of my friends was sick so I went with her to the doctor , and on the way home I ran into another friend who invited me for supper . Mom , I am sorry . I just totally forgot to call . I love you mom . Can you forgive me " ? Chris let her defenses down a little . She was relieved that her girl was home . She walked over to Laurie and said , " I can understand you forgetting Chris , but I was worried . Please make sure you call the next time . Don 't worry me like that " . She leaned down and gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead , and Laurie smiled up at her mom . Jane had run into Henry on her way home . He was driving by and saw her . He pulled up to the curb , and patting the seat beside him yelled , " Hey Jane , come on get in ! Where you going ? Can I drop you off at home " ? Jane slowly walked to the car and opening the door got in . She looked at Henry and tears started to form in her eyes . Henry casually said , " Hey , what 's the matter ? You and your mom get in a fight ? Are you running a way " ? He started laughing after he had said the remark , but she wasn 't joining in . He slowed down and turned into her drive way . He turned the key off and turned towards her . He looked into her face and said more gently , " Come on , you know you can tell me anything " . Jane started to cry and she buried her head in her hands . She sobbed for a few minutes and Henry looked out his window giving her time to get herself together . Jane quit crying enough to begin to speak . " Henry , do you love me ? I mean , do you really love me ? Would you stick with me no matter what happens in life " ? Henry replied with a little caution in his voice , " Come on doll , you know I love you . Haven 't I been telling you the past couple of months how much I love you ? Come over here and give me a little sugar " . Jane was not scooting near him . She could not move out of fear of what he was going to say when she told him the bad news . Instead , she gazed in his eyes , wanting to remember what he looked like forever , in case he flipped out . She felt like someone was pushing her hands to the door handle . She wanted to reach for it and get out and run for the rest of her life . Her mouth opened though , and she was looking him straight in the face , eyes glued to his . " Would you still love me if you knew I was pregnant " ? Posted on November 12 , 2012 by Who I am 6 Paul went about his business and went in his bathroom and took a nice , hot shower . He thought about the woman who had just left his apartment , and he smiled to himself as he thought of how good she tasted to him . It had been some time since he had held a woman and let her excite him the way that she did . After getting out of the shower , he dried off and went to the kitchen and poured himself a night cap and taking it with him ; he walked over to his desk , to see what clients he had appointments with the next day . Ah yes , here was one that looked pretty easy . A little old lady named Sara . She was trying to make it so her kids could not come over to her house when she was a way and take what they wanted , while she was still alive . Poor old lady , not even dead yet and here was the kids and grandkids trying to rip her off before her feet were in the grave . He mumbled to himself , that he didn 't know what was wrong with people today , but at least they kept food on his table . He finished his drink and burped out loud and then wandered into his bedroom , and flipped on the news to see who was killing who . The next morning , he didn 't feel like cooking , so he got dressed and headed out to his car . He pulled up in front of the little restaurant that served the best looking waitresses and their cooking was pretty good too . He walked in and one of the waitresses flashed him her biggest smile , and nodded towards an empty table in her section . He smiled back and went to the table and sat down . She brought him over a steaming hot cup of coffee , and asked him what she get him this morning , and he told her she would do . She slapped him on the shoulder in a flirty way and said that he knew she was married , what did he really want , and realizing he wasn 't going to get anywhere with her , he ordered a couple of scrambled eggs , with a steak on the side , and a couple of slices of toast . She nodded and took off towards the kitchen to deliver the ticket order . Paul looked around to see if there was anyone here that was worth talking to , and seeing no one , he walked over to the top of the trash can , and grabbed the morning paper and went back and sat at his table , flipping the pages for interesting news . Soon his breakfast came , and also came a long tall gentleman , and when the plate was placed in front of him , and his coffee refilled , the guy sat down , without an invitation , and said , " Do you know a woman by the name of Slim ? " Paul said , " What 's it to you ? I don 't know you so get the hell out of my way ! " The guy ignored his request and continued with his conversation . " I hear you been spending some time with my wife , Slim . I hear she wants to hire you for some job . What is it that she wants you to do ? " Paul looked him straight in the eye and without blinking said , " Kill you . " The guy sat there and said nothing for a moment , letting Paul attack his food before it got cold . Paul acted like there was no one sitting across from him and buried his head in his plate , and the guy then got his breath back , and said , " What did you tell her ? Did you tell her you would do it ? " Paul looked at him and said , " Get the hell out of here , can 't you see I am busy ? I didn 't come here to be bothered by the likes of you . I am not going to discuss whether I told her yes or no , because it is none of your darn business , you hear me ? " The guy stood up and said that Paul better watch his back . He knew of his type , big macho men who think they know it all . He continued with how he wasn 't afraid of him , so he better is watching out , and with that , Paul raised his hand and shooed him away , and went back to his breakfast . After he cleaned his plate up , the waitress came back and asked if that man was bothering him , because if he was , she could tell her boss , and they could have that guy banned from this place . Paul told her , " No , it was just some pesky fly trying to make an ass out of himself by buzzing around . He had swatted him , and the guy was gone , but thanks doll , for trying to protect me . " With that , Paul got up beautiful and could make him do things he was no wanting to do . Most of his clients were men who had routine jobs for him . Checking up on a cheating wife , or dealing with a thug that was trying to collect on a debt . He had never been approached for murder for a price . While sitting at his table eating , his mind kept drifting back to the lady with the swinging hips . He also realized that he was bored , didn 't want to really do anything and he had to admit he was lonely . Why not call her and have her come over . They could sit down and discuss some more options . Surely , he could convince her there were other ways to handle her situation besides murder . He tinkered with this idea , while gulping down the last of his eggs , and washing it down with some cold coffee . No , it wasn 't a good idea to call her , let it be , business only . Damn , this was driving him crazy , just call the dame and let 's get this over . He decided he was going to tell her he was not the man for her job , and to find someone else to do her dirty work . He put his plate and fork in the sink and went over and dialed her number , and she picked it up on the second ring . He heard that silky voice that sent shivers down his spine . She asked if he had changed his mind and was going to give her his address so she could come over and talk . He said yes , he was going to give her his address as he did not have that much going on today . He told her the directions and she said she would be there in less than half an hour . The two hung up and Paul walked into his bathroom and scratching his shadow , he decided he may as well be presentable ; after all , she was trying to hire him . He finished shaving and splashed some cologne on his face and went into his bedroom and slipped off his shirt and put a better one on . He put some socks on and then went back out to the living room to wait . He decided to make a fresh pot of coffee , so he went to the kitchen to start the coffee maker , when the doorbell rang . He went to the door and opening it she blew in throwing her jacket off on his couch , and smoothly turning and throwing herself in his arms , knocking the two of them on to the couch , and then falling off on to the floor . She lying on top of him , flipping her hair out of her face , looking into his eyes , and he , so close to her , could smell her sensuality , he lost all of his senses , and he rolled her over with her lying on her back on the floor . And he yanked at her blouse she had on , popping all buttons , exposing the soft mounds hiding under the wire covering . He slithered his hand up under her skirt , and with one hand tore her panties off of her , exposing warm flesh to him . He scooted himself up to her hair and stretched it upward , forcing her neck to rise , and biting her neck , and kissing her ears , brought moans of joy from her lips . While kissing her his other hand was searching unknown territories under her skirt . Her body rose to his giving him permission to explore farther . He removed his hand and brought it up to her one nipple and he gently squeezed it and then he rolled her over and unhooked her bra , forcing it to fall away from the fleshy mounds , showing perky nipples . His mouth found its way to the tips of them and he nibbled ever so softly on first one and then the other , cupping each one in his hand . She moaned deeper for him , and then he wiggled his body down and began to kiss her navel and eventually found his way down to the secret garden . When she felt the touch of his lips , her body took over and it rose up and down to each of his touches . This turned him on so much , that his manhood could be felt firmly against her thighs . She started to scream , to take me , and take me now . Make love to me dammit , here and now ! He could not hold himself back anymore and so he went back and forced her mouth open searching every dark spot inside of her mouth with tongue , and then lowering himself on top of her , he went from a slow and steady pace to becoming faster and harder , and slamming her into the floor deeper and deeper . The more she screamed , the more he thrust himself into her . After several minutes they both exploded in sheer delight , and then he toppled off of her and lay on the floor beside her , and each one was breathing so heavily , it took a few moments for their breathing to calm down . He pointed towards his bedroom and told her the closet was on the left , help herself to anything hanging on the right side of the closet . She disappeared into his room and soon came out with a long sleeve shirt on showing those sexy legs of hers . It almost made him want to throw her back down and have his way with her again , but he was too tired . She came out with the words of have you thought over what I have asked you to do ? Have you made a decision yet ? His response was not going to do it . She looked straight in his eyes and said , " What ? You are not going to do as I ask ? " He said , " Nope , it just isn 't in the cards for me babe . " Her once baby soft eyes turned to daggers and she ran over to him and started slapping him where ever her hands could reach . He reached out and told her , " Back off kitty cat , put those claws away , you are not going to change my mind . I don 't care how much money you offer , I am not going to jail for anyone . " i take care of my brother who has Parkinson 's , heart disease , and is mentally challenged . I write poetry and short fictional stories also . stop by and make yourself comfy . Copyright © Terry Shepherd and terry1954 , 2015 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Terry Shepherd and terry1954 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :

May 31st , 2005 With these VIs needing to be completed and soon I did not waste much time working on them . Unfortunately I was not very successful in getting anywhere with things . I was thinking that once I figured out what one problem was with a field they would all fall into place . I was wrong . After working on it for most of the day I was getting no where . I asked Jon if he would be able to help me tomorrow if I should still be stuck . He said he would . I went home and spent a while on G - Shack and talking to Zach on IM for a while . Zach just got accepted to West Point so he is pretty stoked about that . I went to be around three in the morning . May 30th , 2005 I planned on doing nothing but watching TV and getting ready to head back to Seattle this evening . I got the boat cover removed do the things could dry . I also started to get packed up and cleaned the house . It is amazing how messy things get in just a few days . I was watching Popularity Contest on CMT . They had a marathon going on . It is a show about people from big cities go to a small town in Texas and try to fit in . The townsfolk vote for the most popular one and the bottom of the list has to go home . There was a ten - six - seven named Jason . Another guy dug up some dirt on him and he made it out to be worse that it was . He claimed Jason is gay and has a pornographic website ( Jason 's Website http : / / barberatwins . com is not porn ) . When in fact Jason posed for a calendar without any nudity . He posed with his twin brother . There was no sex . I was mad the guy lied and then in the following episodes the townsfolk did not vote him off for being a huge liar . While watching the show 's final episode of the marathon a call came in looking for someone to do a transfer to Pullman Hopsital from Colfax . I volunteered to do it . Jim came in from home and Randy came from Albion to help out . We took the person to Pullman . I got to go code there . It made the trip better . After waiting for a few minutes we found we would be better off going back to Colfax because it would take a while for the procedure to be finished . I went back home . I got the boat taken care of and moved it out of the way . I packed my truck . I watched a tiny bit more TV then decided to leave . As I was driving down Main Street the tones went off for a transfer from Pullman to Colfax . It was the same guy . We went there and I did code back to Colfax . Then I got in my truck . Got some dinner , fueled up and headed home . Outside of Vantage near the rest area I was tired so I took a nap there for a little while . After a short sleep I got up and headed for home . I arrived at about four am and went to bed . May 29th , 2005 I got up and headed over to Moscow to get my boat . I called Kristine several times because she was going to come out and help me get the boat . But I could not get here . So I got the boat myself . Then I fueled it up . I talked to Loren on the phone as well as Nik . Then I went to Pullman and washed the boat . I picked up Loren and finally got a hold of Kristine . She was going to meet me down there with her new boyfriend and another friend of hers . Nik was going to meet me down there with his friend as well . Loren and I went to Safeway and got lunch then headed down . I tired to start the boat , but it would not start up . It just kept turning over with nothing else . The battery did not last long before going dead . I pulled the boat out of the water and we went down to Lewiston to look for a place to get a new battery . Nothing was open hardly . Finally we found a place and got a battery . I replaced it and we went back to the boat launch . I got the boat in the water but it would not start still . Kristine , Camron , and her friend got there . People were waiting to come in and I was blocking the way . I could not go to the other side of the dock because another boat was there . I tried to start it more . Then Kristine and Camron got into the water and swam my boat over to these other docks . We tied it up and broke out the beer . We sat around talking and drinking some beer for a while . This other small boat came over and the people were older . We talked with them for a while and we told them about my boat . I went to show the guy what it was doing , and it tried to turn over once . I got happy and tried some more . I flooded it out . So I let it sit for a while . I got it started on my next set of tries . I yelled in excitement at the top of my lungs . We let it idle for a while and then took it out . The other said they would watch for us incase it died . We went out and cruised down to the damn and then to Granite point and then back and forth a few times . After a while Camron wanted to water ski , but the boat started to flood out and I could not get it to go at all . So I got Camron in the boat and it went okay from there . I decided to just do cruising . A few times we stopped so people could go in the water and do some swimming . I took some pictures of everyone swimming and having fun . I could not see Nik at Granite Point where we were looking for him . We played on the water for a few hours then came in . Everyone helped get the boat ready to go . Loren and I went to his place . He cooked a steak for him and I . Then we went to see Madagascar . When it was over I took him to his place and headed home . I stayed up for a few more hours . I had a small pizza and watched some TV before going to bed . May 28th , 2005 My alarm clock went off getting me ready to head for the barn burning . I got some breakfast and headed to the station . Clark , Carl , and a few others were there . Jim came down , so did Scott . We loaded up in a couple rigs and went about ten miles out of Colfax . We were going to burn down a barn that I always see and know I am close to Colfax . I did not want to see it go . So I took a lot of pictures of it before the fire . I asked Carl if I could go to the door and get some pictures . He did not care . But when I turned around it was too late . The flames were already coming out the top of the barn , through an opening . It was too hot to go near it . It was not long before it was fully involved . I started to take pictures as a couple crews manned the hosed and sprayed water on the wood . I am not sure why we were doing that , but I guess it was good practice for spraying water . I was about fifty feet or so from the fire and it was so hot any exposed skin was getting hot . I took some more pics before Clark asked me to take over for him . I started to spray . I asked him to take some pictures with my camera . But after a minute or two my boots were getting really hot and burning the tops of my feet . I kneeled down to try to protect them , but it was too late . I got relieved . I walked around this other barn where Clark was standing . I was going to get my camera . I saw one side of the barn was gone and I wanted to get a picture of it . You could see through it . It was really bright red and orange in there . It was really cool . After I walked around a rig to get to Clark , I asked him where the camera was . He said it was in the cab of one of the fire engines . He put it in there because the camera was getting so hot . However in the time it took me to walk around the engine the barn collapsed . So I missed my photo op and I missed the barn coming down . I took a few more pictures and helped to clean up . It got really muddy because of the water we were using . We went back to the station and loaded the engine with new hose and washed the mud off the hoses we used . We stayed at the station for a while and played cards . Carl , Scott , Jim , and I were playing for about two hours . I ended up winning a few bucks . Then I headed to Lewiston for the Palouse Thunder football game . Janet had called and asked me to get her some PowerBall tickets . I stopped to get those . Then I went to Albertsons and got some lunch and chew . I got to the field and ate . Then I made sure I had everyone 's name from the other team correct . I updated my text file . After the game started I found out all the number for the players were out of date . So I had everyone 's number wrong . I spent the rest of the first quarter trying to fix the numbers between plays . I did my best doing the announcing and running the music that I could under the circumstances . Jarrid and another guy did the stats , so I did not have to do that this week . Walla Walla Stars pretty much dominated the game . One of their guys hit one thousand yards rushing on the season . We got blew out in the game . After the game I closed up the announcers booth and headed home . Tomorrow is boating ! May 27th , 2005 I got to work and started out right away on fixing the bugs . I was able to work on one document and get it ready to accept the next values and be able to tell if the return was a lock request or not . It mattered if the data would be editable or not . I was having a problem with one of the components after I finished working on it . When I would let the stuff run , it would not use my newest changes , but when I stepped through it , it worked fine . I figured that was due to the newest component dll was not getting used when it just runs . I did some stuff to make sure it would use the newest dll and that did not work . Finally I just rebooted and that did the trick . I got my stuff cleaned up and checked it in . I waited for a new build to come out and none came after more than forty - five minutes . So I finally gave up and left . I got some gas and headed to Colfax . There were a lot of people leaving town so it took longer than normal to get through the pass and to go to Colfax . When I got to town I called Kristine and she did not answer . I went to the fire station and hung out with Carl for a while . He told me about a barn burning tomorrow . I made plans to go to that . Then a call came out in Endicott . We cruised out there . I took lead on patient care . We hooked a heart monitor and did vitals and the patient was doing well . I did the HEAR report and dropped her off at the hospital . May 26th , 2005 I started by spending nearly three hours from when I got to work stepping through the whole data flow process to figure everything out . I documented it . But after three hours one of the components crapped out and I could not go further until I started back up where I left off . I took a little bit of a break because of the long period of debugging . I grabbed some lunch and went back to the debugging . I got more things figured out with it . So I started to see that some data that was getting passed to the component was not being taken out of the XML and rendered to keep going . So I fixed that . I contacted Jon about getting together once more and showing him what I have . I went to his house around nine and we went to work . He said he could see why I hate working on this stuff . It is horrible . With his help I got a good idea of what happened when the data hits the component . I knew some stuff I could do to get some stuff fixed . May 25th , 2005 Today I met up with Jon . We were going to go over the stuff and see what we could figure out . I was getting mad because he wasn 't doing anything to help and I did not know exactly what I was looking for . His Internet access died so I unhooked my stuff and got ready to leave . He said what I needed to do is follow the data from one page to the next . Figure out exactly what each page does with the data and how it is transformed . May 23rd , 2005 I am now the official senior developer as Bin is now gone . I got an E - mail from Chris . He said " remember when I told you to get all the hard bug questions asked of Bin before she left ? I hope you did it . You 're now the man . " I wasn 't quite sure how to take that E - mail . I worked on figuring out the flow of the pricing pages . I got it documented . I did not get very far with the bug though . But I did determine that these are not really bugs . The stuff was never completed . So I am not fixing things that did not work correctly . I actually was finishing the programming off . May 22nd , 2005 Is it possible to have a bad day playing softball . I mean this like the saying " the worst day golfing is better than the best day working . " This morning I got up and headed back to Renton . I quickly got on my uniform and headed to the game . I did not get to bed when I should have and I was tired . We had three games . I was having a hard time hitting the ball . I hit it , but I was not making many basehits . We won , so that is the good that came out of the game . We got our game done quickly so we had more than an hour and a half to wait until the next game . I sat by the field where our next game was going to be . I then tried to get a little sleep . But it was not very comfortable . I did get some rest , but no sleep . Then as our game time get close we went out there and played the Diamonds . They are an okay team . We battled with them and won . Then we went to the next game . It was not good at first . They took a lead and we were flat . The bottom of our order was keeping us in the game . Finally in one inning we broke it open and took a seven run lead . We held on to the lead as their first baseman got hurt . So rather than pulling an outfielder , they had the second baseman try to cover the whole area . That did not work out for them . We went on to win that game and we are still in second place in the league . After the games I went home and got there just in time for dinner . I sat down and ate . Then I went to my room to watch TV and get some stuff done on the computer . I needed to build a couple CD 's for the football games . I put a few songs together so and cut some down so they would start where I wanted them to . I also got the National Anthem on it . May 21st , 2005 After getting to be around four in the morning I let myself sleep in to around noon . I got a call from Jerrid from the Evergreen Football League . He was going to go down and take stats for the football game . I was going to help him out . As it turns out Brian , the other stats guy is not here anymore . He was also the guy who played the music for the games . Jerrid was going to go down to the game with me . I arranged to pick him up from his house around two - thirty . I got some lunch and went to the fire station . I talked to Carl for a little while then I helped him with an Access application he was working on . I was running a little late getting Jerrid . So I went to his place across town from the Fire Station . We headed to the field . We got down there and I went into the press box . I found I would be the guy doing the music on top of the other things I was doing . So I threw in one of my CDs and let it play until game time . Then I got a couple CDs from the cheerleaders to play their songs during the game . I was happy to do the music because I wanted to start to use Kernkraft Four - Hundred by Zombie Nation as the song for the kickoffs . I was able to do that , but I had to be fast to switch from Thunderstruck on one CD to the other CD . I was also doing the offense stats for both teams on top of announcing . I was only able to do about fifty per - cent of the ads I normally do . When the game started I put in my first set of numbers and I found the Bulls ' names did not come up . I looked at my text file for them and found I did not have the numbers first . I had their position first . So it was not working . I had to open the file in Excel and switch the numbers and positions around . I also had to keep track of the stats while I was doing that . I just did not announce anything for a few plays while I got the stuff fixed . Finally I got that up and running . The Thunder won the game forty to fifteen . The Bulls have not won a game all season . They just got a new head coach that is the winningest high school head coach in the state . They are hoping that will help them out . Playing Kernkraft seems to be working out okay as well . People seem to clap along with it . I need to make a CD with that song along with all the other songs I need to play . After the game Jerrid did the things he had to do . We hung out for a little bit at the field before heading back to Colfax . We got some dinner at McDonalds . I watched TV and it went from one show to the next until it was three in the morning . I was mad at myself because I had to get up really early in the morning to get to Seattle for the softball games . May 20th , 2005 I spoke with Loren online today . He invited me over to hang out this evening when I get to Pullman . I am looking forward to that . For lunch Julia , Lisa , Bin , and I went to the final Bin lunch . We went to Bin 's place of choice . It was okay . I am not a fan of the place we went because I am not a fan of Malaysian food , but I found something I was able to eat . During the lunch I talked to them about wanting to work from home more often . Julia thinks that it is not something I will be able to do . They want the face time here . Lisa thinks there is no harm in trying for it . They all agreed that I should write up something and present it to Chris on Tuesday after the release is out . After lunch we went back . I stayed at work until three o ' clock before I hit the road . Because of the rain , heavy rain , falling it was slow going until the pass . Things started to let up and I was able to increase my speed . I pulled into Colfax around seven o ' clock . I called Loren and he told me where he lived . I drove to his house and knocked on the door . He answered it . I was imagining him looking a little bit different . From his pictures that I have seen . Not saying anything bad , but just a different person than what was in my imagination . We started out talking about this and that , nothing really heavy or anything . Then the co - owner of Cougster came over . His name is Bruce . Loren cooked some homemade pizza for us . We ate and talked about the new Wal - Mart . Bruce is against it , I am for allowing them to come in . Politically Loren is right of center where Bruce is left of center . After a while Bruce had to head out . Loren and I continued to talk about a lot of stuff . We spoke about the military . What his plans are . Computers was a topics . We spoke about Cougster . We also talked about some political issues including stuff dealing with the police and with the riot and the Top of China incident . Plus we talked about what is it like to be bisexual . It was interesting to hear things from his perspective . He said bisexuals usually are the ugly step - child of the gay rights people . Gay people get down on Bi 's over the feeling that they are only saying they are Bi so they will not have to make the big plunge of admitting to being gay . Straight people just don 't like it when guys have action with guys . Today was the second to last day with Bin working here . We had a meeting with LPX about the new changes to their stuff . It was a conference call . It was not overly helpful to me , but now it is over and I will have to make the changes to our stuff to work with the new standard . When I was done working for the day I went home . I was watching CSI 's season finale when Jon called and asked if we could put off meeting until next Monday . I told him that we could . I met Mike , the guy who was on his bike in Vantage with his wife , who I gave a ride to Othello . We had lunch at Dixies BBQ . We sat outside and talked about work and the rest of his bike ride . He is a really nice guy . I left work around six and headed home . We were going to have pizza then I would go to Jon 's . But as it turned out , mom thought I was going to be gone , so there was no pizza . I went to Janet 's to help Bill with removing the stove from her house . But he had it out in the garage already . He was ready to leave when I got there . So I headed to Jon 's . I got some dinner on the way and we tried to remote desktop to my computer . But it was not working for some reason . I drove to the office and Ricky was still here . I asked him about it . He was able to remote desktop to it and I was able to as well . So I am not sure why it will not work for Jon . We tried a few more times when I was at his house . It did not work still . We gave up on trying and I went home . I tried to remote desktop from there and it worked just fine . Without being able to remote desktop Jon will not be able to help me with this problem . That really sucks . May 17th , 2005 So with some work and the moon and sun in alignment my box started to work . I was pretty stoked about that , but it did not bring me closer to figuring out what the exact problem is . I am still lost with it . I stepped through it a few times and cannot figure out why things are not working correctly . The good thing is once I have it figured out most of the bugs should be pretty easy to fix . I went home around six pm and had dinner . Then I watched some TV . I was supposed to get some work done for Joe , but I did not feel like digging into it so I did not get any done . May 16th , 2005 This morning I got up and headed across the state to Bellevue to go to work . I decided I was going to talk to Chris about working from home . But I decided against it . I am sort of waiting until a good time . I wanted to get it done today so I could make plans . I got to work and tried to get my box working . It was having the problems from the last week still . That is how I spent most of the day . It was pretty quiet . I left around four - thirty pm to get to Jon 's house . We were going to watch the M 's play the Yankees . We got ready to go and headed out . It was slow going once we got across the bridge and it caused us to miss the first pitch . We got some food outside the stadium and then headed in . In the seventh inning stretch they were showing different fans . They saw Justin and Logan and their foam fingers . They were up and moving around . They showed it on the big screen . Justin thought that was so great . He was giggling and laughing about it long after they took the camera off of us . Sele was pitching and doing okay . But he got pulled earlier than I was hoping and Putz allowed a grand slam . We then tried to play catch - up and did not score enough , losing the game . May 15th , 2005 It was early and I was on my way to the field . I was tired but I got myself moving . We were going to play the Tax Dodgers first thing , followed by the Bulldogs if we won . But it was morning and we don 't do well in the morning . A couple guys from the team went to Shakers . It was the last night Shakers would be open as they had lost their lease . Everyone showed up and people were trying to get going . We were all tired and lethargic . I was put at fifth in the batting order today . I had earned a spot higher because I had been hitting the ball well . We went out there and we were flat . We could not get the bats going . At one point we had nine up and nine down . My first two at bats were outs . They were scoring runs on us as well . John was playing for the Tax Dodgers today because he had the day off from the fire department . One of their guys hit a screamer right back at me and it hit my glove and my gut . It sort of hurt , but was not too bad . We cracked the scoreboard with a couple runs , but we were down by about six or seven runs . In the fifth inning we came roaring back and tied the game . Then it was a seesaw battle . We went up and they tied it . They were the home team . We ended up going to extra innings . In the eighth inning we did not score any runs . They had the meat of their order coming up . The first guy had hit a homerun already so I pitched around him sort of . I did not want to give him anything to hit . He got an infield hit and the play was thrown away . Dan got it off the fence , but he had advanced to second . The next guy was their number four hitter . I was really pitching around him . I did not give him anything at all to hit . So they had runners at first and second with two outs . John came to the plate . I was not going to let John we the one who beats me on a basehit . He ended up walking . So the bases are loaded with the guy who walks nearly every time he faces me . A walk and we lose the game . I had to pitch my very best . And that is what I did . I got him to hit and we made the out . We went out in the top of the ninth and scored a couple runs . It was their turn . They went out there and we made some pretty quick outs to win the game . It was an amazing comeback . One of many we have had against the Tax Dodgers . So now we had a few hours before the next game . I took my truck and drove it to field two . I hung out and watched the games that were being played on the field before us . I hung out with the team and we had a good time . As two o ' clock was rolling around it was time to gear up for the game . I warmed up my arm with Mark and then we went out and started to play ball . This time we were the home team . They went out and scored five runs to start the first . That was a better showing than the ten they scored on us yesterday in the first . We came back with a couple . We were playing catch up most of the game and finally we took a pretty good lead late into the game . They changed pitchers and we pretty much stopped scoring as they continued to chip away at our lead . They took a lead . We could not catch up and lost by a couple runs . It sucked . But we took them to extra innings as well . After the games I went to Colfax . I decided that I would stick around and go home tomorrow morning rather than tonight . So I hung around the house and watched House on the VCR followed by the normal Sunday night line up including the Simpsons , King of the Hill , Malcolm in the Middle , the Family Guy , and American Dad . May 14th , 2005 Today is day one of the tournament . We are playing all of our games in Moscow because of the rain and the condition of the Pullman fields . I got over there around eleven am . I started to warm up with some of the other people . I found out I would be pitching the whole thing because the other pitcher would not be there . That was cool because I would get a lot of play time that way . While I was warming up Matt said " Hi Scott . " I was sort of surprised that he said that . After the IM game we played this spring he totally ignored me . I don 't know if he was being nice so he could use my bat , of if he was just being nice . But I said hello back and kept warming up . I saw the line up . I was batting around eighth or ninth . I wanted to bat higher , but I figured I would have to earn it . So that is what I did . I went out in the first game and went two for three with powerful basehits . We were playing a team in our division , the Bulldogs . They were beating us . They were crushing us . A few people from the Tax Dodgers said that we should be able to beat they because they are not a good team . After the first game we had a few hours for a break . Mark and I sat together and chatted with others from the team . He went and got some food . I gave him money to get food for me . As we sat there the sun and the brightness was getting old . I made my way to the shade for a while to not feel like my eyes were going to burn out . Then it came time for game two . The new line up had me batting eighth . But the deal was that the second game would be the reverse , so I would be batting third . In the second game I had a couple doubles and hit the ball with a fair amount of power . We were playing a team that was supposed to be the next level above us . Phil hit two home runs , a three - run and a grand slam . We were with them the whole way . We went to the seventh inning and they were the home team . We had tied the score at twenty to twenty . We had just gotten a homerun , so that made it so they could hit another one . The tournament allowed three more homeruns than the other team . I knew the next few batters would all be swinging for the fence . The first guy comes to the plate and he swung away . As soon as it was hit , I knew it was gone . We lost on one long ball . We had another game right after it . The dreaded Tax Dodgers . They are the rival team of My Office . As their pitcher , Frank , says it is not a season unless we play them at least seven or eight times . I always have a hard time against them because they will not swing at hardly anything . There is also an umpire , John , who is really tight on his strike zone . Couple the two together and I have a bad day . It started out like that . I was not getting the ball across the plate like I wanted to . They scored a couple runs . The batting order was turned upside down from the last game , so I was batting third . My first at bat I saw they had the right fielder playing in and about ten feet from the line . They know where I like to hit too well . So I had to look somewhere else for a hit . I found an hole . I hit it hard . In the following innings I got more pitches across and we were getting outs . I came up with two guys on base looking for a hard hit , I hit it to center field where it flew out . It was a homerun . Then an inning or two later , I came up with the bases loaded and hit a grand slam to left field . I was hitting the ball well this tournament . We beat them sixteen to three . After the game I went to field one where my truck was parked . I hung out with some of the other guys and watched the game play on field one . After that I talked with Randy from the Tax Dodgers . He is a really nice guy and we chat a lot . The Bomb Squad was going to play a game and it did not matter if they picked up a few guys . They only had seven , so they got Randy , Ben from My Office , and me to play with them . They are an A league team . In the A league after the pitcher warms up you throw the ball around the horn . So I threw it down to the third baseman at the beginning of every inning . Those guys were hitting the ball hard . I did not do well at the plate . I did have a walk my first at bat . Then I flew out to left field and followed that up with a bad at bat . I was looking for something a little outside . The first two pitches were strikes . I was looking down getting reset . When I looked up the ball was almost to me and it was looking like a strike . They guy quick pitched me . So I swung as quick as I could . I missed the ball and the bat came around and hit me in the back of the head . I was mad . Randy was playing first base . A left hander crushed a ball down the left field line and Randy made a play on it . He was on his knees and looked to toss it to the pitcher . But Gregg was standing on the mound still . The batter did not even leave the box . So we had a live play and everyone was just standing there . Finally the second baseman ran over and covered first for the out . I was laughing because it was funny to see no one move during a live play like that . When the was done I went to Zeppoz . I was going to hang out for a while and see if Ryan would return my call . I was there for only a minute when he called . I sat there and talked for about five minutes then got some lunch from the drive - thru at Dairy Queen and headed to Ryan 's . We watched a few episodes of Third Watch that he had recorded . May 13th , 2005 I was tired when my alarm clock was going off today . That is probably because I was up late at the EMS call . I went to the office and started my day trying to figure out how to get my box to work . I was having a hard time doing it . I got Ken to reboot my computer over in Bellevue . I hoped that it would reset some stuff , but it did not . I went to the bank to get some cash to see the movie later on today . I stopped by Pullman Fire and talked with Heston about coming back . He said if I come back and I on the department . That totally made my day . I was so excited . Now I just need to get my work to allow me to do the same . I contacted the College of Business and Economics about the application I am going to turn in . I faxed it over to them . Today was the last day they were being accepted . I hope to hear back from that . If Netupdate does not allow me to work from Pullman , then there would be a good chance of me taking the job . If they allow me to work from over there , then I can be in the driver seat and make demands about pay , etc , to see if they would go with it . Maybe I could ask for a membership to the Rec Center and for my parking permit to be paid for . I was going to hang out with Ryan , but he was going to be on the phone with his girlfriend until eight o ' clock pm . I did not want to sit around my office until then . So , I figured that I would go back to Colfax and work at the jail . I got some pizza from Bulldog and went in . I ate and offered some pizza to the others . Then I went to booking to help out . There were three bookings to do . I assisted with two and did the last one . Over all it was pretty uneventful . I was getting ready to leave when the Sarge and I got into a conversation about Whitman County Murders . Then we went outside and I talked with Dale , Curtis , Mark , and the Sarge some more . We were out there for almost an hour before everyone decided to go home . May 12th , 2005 I started with a visit to the dentist . He said things are looking good . There was a small chip on one of my back teeth . He wants me to come in so he can fix it . That will be a free visit . So that is nice . From there I met Ryan at Rancho Viejo for lunch . I had a big taco salad . It was good . They put some peppers in it so I had to dig them out . But they had a lot of cheese and I liked that . I went to the office and started to work on getting my NUSource rebuilt . I did a scorchedearth build . Then I deployed the project . It took a couple of hours to make it work because I was not getting help quickly when I needed it . When I finally got everything done I was getting an msxml4 . dll Access Denied error . That really sucked . So I worked on that for a while but I was not able to resolve the problem . I spoke with John and we are going to see Robots tomorrow around four - thirty . I left around five o ' clock to go to the coroners meeting . On my way Pete asked me to stop and pick up the pizza from Bulldog . I got there and it was not going to be ready until five - fifty . They said to grab a pop if I wanted . When the pizza was done I went into the coroners office . Pete and I started to eat the pizza waiting for Patti . When she did not show we made some calls and could not get a hold of her . So we did the meeting . I got coverage made up for the rest of next month . We went over some old pics talked about different causes of death . There was one of a WSU student who was accidently shot with a three - fifty - seven Ruger pistol . He was carrying it outside getting ready to leave school for the summer when the shooting happened . I was surprised that I had not heard about it . He said it was probably because everyone was gone for the summer already . After the meeting I went home and watched CSI and started to watch Without a Trace . With about ten minutes to go in the show we were toned out for chest pains in Hooper . The call came in twenty minutes earlier , but there was no address or anything so we were not toned until they got a phone number . The bird was launched and we flew out there . To get to Hooper we actually take twenty - six into Adams county and then turn on a road that takes us back into Whitman County . She was in a bed and breakfast there . There was a large grass area right in front so we set up a LZ right there for the bird . We started to work on her getting an IV going and had a hard time doing it . Finally the bird landed . We took her down stairs and they tried about five more times before finally getting an IV going . We got her to the bird . They loaded her up and took off . We drove back to Colfax . It was about a two hour call when it was all said and done . While at the bed and breakfast one of the La Crosse EMTs asked me if I saw the haunted room ? I asked what she was talking about . She said at the end of the hall one of the rooms had a guy who died in it . And now if you move something in the room he will move it back where it goes . I went do to the room and it was closed with a piece of tape on the door attached to the frame . May 11th , 2005 I got going in time to get to Moscow for my doctor 's appointment . I am getting my ankle looked at because of the pain . He did a few things then said he wanted another MRI . So I will be coming back to Moscow in the future to get an MRI . I went to get some pizza from Pizza Pipeline and headed into work . I am having some problems with my box . I am unable to get anything going becuase of the problems . I worked on getting them fixed for the majority of the day . I went to the Bank to make a deposit for my business and to talk about getting a loan for getting the softball bats . I got some information and have a better idea what I will need to do to get a loan . I went back to work and figured out things were not working correctly . I spent until around six - thirty trying to get it to work . I was working with Chris to make it happen . At one point Chris said Ricky was laughing at me . I was getting frusterated that things were not working and then being laughed at made me feel stupid . So I went to the WSU HR site and found a job that I thought I might apply to . Nothing was working correctly , so I finally gave up and headed to Moscow . The My Office woman 's team was playing a game . I went to root them on . They only had nine at the game and people had to play out of position . They ended up losing a really well played game . May 10th , 2005 With my doctor 's appointment tomorrow I am going to work from Pullman from Wednesday to Friday . I also planned on getting back to Colfax for fire training . I went into work and we had our now weekly meeting today . We moved it up to one pm so I could get out of dodge . The meeting was ooooh soooo fun . I got some more bugs put on to my plate . Then when it was over with I tried to get my box working . Between yesterday and today something stopped working correctly so I cannot work on the bugs I have right now . I left around two o ' clock to head to Colfax . I got into town and tried to set up my VCR to record House . I could not get it to work , but Ryan said he would do it for me . Then I went to the fire station . It was Board and Business today . So there was not much going on . When it was over I went to Subway and got some dinner . I went back to the fire station . Jim , Carl , and I played poker until around eleven pm . It was a lot of fun . We laughed and joked about stuff . I ended up winning a couple bucks . My money bag is a little more full after those winnings . May 9th , 2005 With Bin leaving the Product and Pricing part of the website will now be updated by me . I figured that was going to be the case , but it became official today . I was given a couple bugs to work on . I started on the path of working on them , but I did not get a lot done on it today . At around four o ' clock I went to the condo on Lake Washington that is forsale . It includes a boat slip . They want about two - hundred thousand for it . It has a small kitchen . The bedrooms are okay sized . The nice thing is the boat slip right there . It is not far from four - oh - five . I don 't think I am going to pursuit it too much though . May 8th , 2005 I got up this morning around nine o ' clock AM . I was tired from lack of sleep . I got ready to go to the Eagles for breakfast . Jon and Janet were there with their families . Ricky came . Brian and his family also came . We were there for a couple hours eating and talking . Then we went home . I sat around and relaxed until it was time to get ready to play some softball . I got my uniform on and headed to the field . I was worried that we would not be able to play , but the rain held off for us until the last part of the second game . The first game we were playing the best team in the league . They are eight and oh up to now . We went out and scored a couple runs . They got seven on us and batted around . Then we went to work and played good defense . We held them scoreless from there on out . I had two hard hits that went between first and second base . In the top of the last inning we had the bases loaded . I crushed a ball deep to right field . I started to run . I got to third base and the coach sent me . He said you have to hurry . I got to home and I saw the catcher was ready to catch the ball . I slide in under the tag , but I got called out anyway . I got a small raspberry on my knee from the slide . But we scored enough runs to take the lead . We held them in the last inning and won the game . We were all happy about it . Then we played the next game . The team fell apart . There was some bickering and it was ugly . We did not play good defense . I had two more hits . We lost by four runs . It was ugly . I went home and got out of my uniform . I was tired and dinner was almost ready . I watched some of the Sunday night shows on FOX . I ate . Then I watched the Simpsons , Family Guy , and American Dad . I stayed up a little longer before finally deciding an early night to bed would not be all that bad . May 7th , 2005 After going to bed at about four in the morning , I turned off my alarm clock and slept in . It felt great to do so . I was going to have to help mow the lawn today . So I was prepared to do that . Before I got going on that I made my mom a CD for Mother 's Day . It had a lot of her favorite songs on it . Then I went downstairs . I got a call from Gary . We were talking about doing some golfing today . But we ended up going to Apollo and playing catch with Josh . After tossing the ball around we did some hitting . Gary and I each hit a homerun . Then I pitched Gary as baseball and beaned him . It brought us back to the old days when we use to play homerun derby up at Apollo . We would pitch to each other and I often would hit Gary with a pitch . After we all took a few turns hitting , we left . I got some gas for the lawnmower and went home . I started with the weedeater . Bill got the riding mower and started with that . I went around the yard , but soon I ran out of string . I could not find any new string so I pulled out the push mower . But after about two minutes of using it the axel broken and a wheel fell off . I showed it to Bill . He showed me where more string was . I got it on the weedeater and finished off the yard . Then I used the leaf blower to clean off the driveway . After I was done I took a shower and then sat around for a while . I watched some TV . I called Michelle up . I had not talked to her since I saw her at Chuck 's Donut Shop . I left a message . She called me around nine o ' clock pm . We talked for almost two hours . We were catching up on the old times and what we had been doing since we last saw each other . She was married and had a kid . Then got divorced and moved back here . I wish I had known . I wish I had not thrown away my chance with her . She made me happy , only I did not know it at the time . When I was done talking to her Dave called and we met at the Iron Horse casino in Auburn . We played four card poker . There was a guy who reminded me of Andy . He sort of looked like him and was just as annoying . He was always talking and looking over my shoulder . He would comment on how other people played their hands . After more than an hour and a half Dave decided he had to leave . He was too tired . I played some fifty - dollar a hand black jack . I lost the rest of the money I had from playing four card poker . I took off and headed home myself . I was out on SR - One - sixty - seven when I saw about five cars get on the freeway at one - eightieth . They all stayed together and got on to four - oh - five right behind me . I got off at the Maple Valley Highway and went past Stoneway . Where the old Bingo hall is there were about fifty cars in the parking lot . The were all rice burners like from last night . They were all emptying out as I was going by . There were probably about sixty or seventy in all . This time they were heading east instead of west on the highway . It was again about two am . So this time I decided to follow them for a while . We went out to near Maple Valley and then turned onto some side road . We followed that road to Four Corners . Then back to Maple Valley where they got on SR - Eighteen . I broke off from there and went home . They got on SR - Eighteen about one block from where they turned off the Maple Valley Highway , but they went a long way round to get there . I have no idea where they were going to go from there . But I did not have much gas . We had also seen three cop cars , on the route they took . It was odd to see them where we did , so I was worried that something would happen sooner or later and I did not want to be involved . I got home and started to get ready for bed . I read a little bit in my book from Chris and was on the net for a while . Then I got a phone call from Michelle . She asked me to see her at the end of my driveway . We talked for about another hour total . I finally got to bed at about four am . May 6th , 2005 With no need to work in Whitman County , I opted not to go out there this weekend . I was planning on relaxing in Renton . I was going to hit lunch with Mike , the guy who I have a ride from Vantage to Othello last week , but something came up . A couple guys and I went to Three Pigs to have lunch . Overall work was pretty uneventful . I has softball practice after work , so I just hung around making more Internet recordings . Close to practice time I got ready and then headed across the I - Ninety bridge to Seattle . We were playing at the Raineer playfields . Practice went well . I hit the ball pretty well . I also spent time playing outfield . The coach had me start to work with people on throwing . Some people have never learned how to throw so they do not have much knowledge on throwing . When practice was over I headed back home . I got some dinner and then watched TV for a while . I had plans on going out , but not until later on . Finally around eleven o ' clock I decided now was good . I went to the bank and got some money and went to Diamond Lil 's . I did not get a hand to save my life . I played out a few hands but I would quickly find the cards were the opposite of what I needed to win . One of my final hands I got a King and Queen of hearts . All low cards and no hearts came out . So I bought in for twenty bucks more . I lost that quickly as well . After less than an hour of playing , I decided I was not done . I went across the street to Freddie 's Club . I played twenty - five dollar a hand blackjack . I did well there . In fact I won two - hundred and fifty dollars . So I went home with some happiness . On my way home I got to the Maple Valley Highway where it intersects with Four - oh - Five . About twenty rice - burners all got onto four - oh - five going South . I did see one American Muscle in there too . All the cars had several people in it . It was clear they were all together . I wondered where they were going . It was about two o ' clock am and I can only assume they were going to race somewhere . May 5th , 2005 A guy I work with wrote a novel , The Syndrome Rule , and it just was published . He brought in several copies for people who work here . I got one and he signed it for me . It is about an executive at a large software company in Redmond who is kidnapped . Her husband then has to find her . I am reading that between making recordings from the Internet with TotalRecorder . I spent time posting and reading stuff on the shack as well . My mom headed over to Colfax to look at a property . I am not sure what she will find with it . But she is staying at my house while she does that . I contacted my real estate agent and put him in touch with her . I also called the county and have them aware she will probably stop by the assessors office so they can help her with what she needs . I have been dealing with softball bat companies . I am working on being an authorized dealer for them . But I may not be able to do it . The office I have should be able to work for what I want to do , but they want minimum orders in the thousands . I don 't think I could move enough bats in a season , so it would be pretty expensive to do that . More than I probably can afford for now . My pocket PC 's battery died and the backup battery sucks so I lost everything . But I had a backup for it . So I ran the back up . But when I did a sync with my desktop computer it removed all the new appointments I had set up . So I had to set up new appointments for all the football games and softball games as well as for being on call . I left here around seven - thirty to go home . When I got there I watched some TV . My mom called just before dinner was ready . I talked to her a little bit . She went to the Eagles in Colfax and people did not recognize her . So she told them what she was doing . She mentioned the property she was looking at was near my place . One guy asked who her " son " was . She said who I was . He said , I know him . He is my jailer . It turns out it was a guy named Bruce . He is not someone I would worry about knowing . I was thinking it was someone else she was talking to and I would not want him to know where I live , but like I was saying I do not worry about Bruce . After dinner I watched some more TV and then cleaned the dishes from dinner . I got on the computer a little bit and copied my new Internet recordings to my external hard drive . Then I headed off to bed . May 4th , 2005 At work today I overheard Ricky talking about his boss who used an application called TotalRecorder to record broadcasts and whatnot from the Internet . So I looked it up . It was thirty bucks for the pro version . I bought it and started to record stuff from the Internet . It is very cool . Several of us went out for pizza . While there we talked about Bin . There is a rumor that she is going to go to work for Costco . I called up Brian , and it sounds like that will be the case . We spent the rest of the lunch talking about benefits and different work environments . I went back and did more recordings before the DotNet lecture that some of us were going to go to . It was being held at Microsoft and sponsored by the DotNet User Group . There was some really good information in it . One of the biggest was showing the new technology that we will use in C # called generics . At the end of the talk they gave away some books . I won a copy of the C # Programmers Cookbook . It is a fifty dollar Microsoft press book . Ricky also got one . Ken got a different book . So all the people from NetUpdate got something . I looked into it a little bit more . His name was Derek Kieper , 21 . He was a junior at University of Nebraska - Lincoln . He has a Four - Point - Oh grade point average . He had five majors : Economics , history , sociology , psychology , and political science . He wrote for the school newspaper , the Daily Nebraskan . He was right of center on political issues and sounds like pretty outspoken on campus . In the opinion piece he wrote , in part : ( The full text can be found at The Daily Nebraskan ) I 'm from the school of thought where everyone should have the right to do as they please as long as they are not infringing on the rights of other people . This comes from the political philosophy that inspired our founders and freedoms . The duty of government is nothing more than to make sure everyone 's rights are protected and not infringed upon . Uncle Sam is not here to regulate every facet of life no matter the consequences . No law , or set of laws , has made the government more intrusive and ridiculous than seat belt legislation . Nothing is a bigger affront to the ideas of freedom , liberty , yada , yada , yada . Whether you are a pinko liberal or a right - wing whack job , there are plenty of reasons for just saying to hell with seat belt laws . As laws become increasingly strict for seat belts , fewer people will respond positively by buckling up in response to the laws . There seems to be a die - hard group of non - wearers out there who simply do not wish to buckle up no matter what the government does . I belong to this group . What frightens me more about safety belt laws is the intrusion they represent to Americans . Democrats should take notice . Choice is an important aspect of freedom - choice to do as I see fit with my body and being . Yet , the government has decided that I do not have the choice to drive around without my seat belt . And if I want to be the jerk that flirts with death and rides around with my seat belt off , I should be able to do that , too . He included stuff about the tax money that was being used make this law happen , and stuff about states ' rights . I mainly focused on his personal choice issues as written . I know it is good to wear a seat belt and that it will save lives . Many of the deaths due to lack of seatbelts come from bodies hitting the windshield and others come from being partially ejected and then the car lands on top of you . Some others come from being thrown free and sailing head first into a rocI usually wear a seatbelt . The only time I leave it off is when I go from the store to my house on the backroad where I am the only one driving . But , the point is should the government FORCE people to wear seatbelts . As Aaron , my old neighbor said , " what if that my way of seeking thrills ? Some people bungee jump , I don 't wear a seatbelt . " It is not the job of the government to save people from themselves . That was never a function of government , nor should it be . Other than that , I am waiting to hear back whether my stuff will have any bugs or not . So I went home at the end of the day . We had pizza for dinner at home . I watched my TV shows before finding my way to bed . May 2nd , 2005 I was at snopes . com today checking out some of the urban legends they talk about on the site . It is an interesting site to read . I you can lose track of time on the site reading them as I did . It was six - thirty and I decided to get a hold of Jon . We were going to meet up and discuss the softball site I want to make . I have been wanting to do it for a long time and now I am getting close to making it a reality . When I got to Jon 's house Logan , Justin , and I played some games while Jon watched the rest of Star Wars . Then we talked about the data model we want to use . It is going to be pretty complex . After we talked about it a little bit and Jon had an idea what I wanted I took off and went home . When I got there I heated up my dinner and then watched TV . May 1st , 2005 With the alarm clock blasting only ninety minutes after I went to sleep , I hit the off button . Then about thirty minutes later I realized I should be up already . So I jumped out of bed . Got ready . Put my uniform on and ran out the door . I still got to the field only about ten minutes late . But I was a little on the tired side . As we got ready for the first game we were throwing the ball . It was warm and very humid . I was uncomfortable . Then we played our first game . I had an inside the park homerun . It was fun . I played first base . Then we had a second game right away . I hit the ball well again and played first base and did some pitching . We won both games . So we are now seven and one on the season with one more game today . We had almost a two hour break . So I went to the store and got a small sub sandwich . I hung out in my truck a little bit and let the AC cool me down . When I went back to where everyone else was I tried to sleep a little bit , but the best I was able to do was rest as little . Then we had to go warm up . After throwing the ball a little bit we went back to play . My first at bat the pitcher was throwing the ball about two feet over my head when the ball crossed the plate . So after ball three I swung the bat . And the umpire said " that was ball four , but he swung the bat , so STRIKE ! " The next pitch almost hit me in the head . I had a walk . I was out of energy though . I was tired and just exhausted . By the middle of the game I worked on my PMA to get my head back into the game . I did not hit the ball well . I actually had two pop - ups after the walk . My last chance for a hit came in the last inning , but I knew what would happen . I would stand in the batters box and the last out would be made the by the guy in front of me . I was right . That always seems to happen . In the second to last inning while I was at first base I made two good plays . One was a big stretch to get the out . The other one was a throw from third base . The ball was too high . I was going to jump up and get it , but I would have pulled my foot and the guy would have been safe because he was almost there . So I did a quazi - jump keeping my toe on the bag . I caught the ball with the upper part of my mitt . The team cheered for that play . I even had guys from another team who were waiting to come on the field compliment me on the play . We ended up winning that final game to go to eight and one on the season . We were next going to head to Raphael 's house for a team get together . He has a really nice house south of Auburn . He cooked all sorts of Mexican dishes . Everyone sat around and chatted and ate . After dinner I went outside and hung out with the dogs and played with them . Mark was out there with me . Then everyone went into his pool room where he also has a roulette table setup . A bunch of the people on the team played roulette and I watched and took some pictures . I left a little before seven o ' clock . I wanted to get home so I could watch the Sunday night shows on Fox , including the return of the Family Guy . The Simpsons had two new episodes . There was also a new show called American Dad on . When the was over with I watched Gray 's Anatomy . But I fell asleep during that show . I was so tired I was just ready to sleep .

Introduction : Life in the country There is very little sex in this story . The story talks about sex but it doesn 't go into the details that a lot of you want . Over 17 , 000 words ; 34 pages long . Edward Johnson stood on the front porch of his family 's two story farm house surveying the surrounding countryside . The first rays of sunlight had just lit up the seemingly endless golden wheat fields that lay in front of the house . To the side towards Becky 's house was almost a half mile long field of seven foot tall corn stalks . The only sound that broke the morning silence was that of a tractor somewhere off in the distance . Most city folk were now just waking up to start their day but not Ed , he was a country boy . He had been awake since four thirty this morning helping his family milk the fifty or so head of dairy cows . Ed was a country boy having grown up on a dairy farm in the upper mid western part of the United States . His parents thought that he was a good boy always there to lend a helping hand with the endless chores on a dairy farm . His family owned about six hundred acres of land of which about one hundred acres was used to pasture cows and the rest was planted with crops mostly corn and wheat . Their two story house was on a long dirt road off the main highway that they shared with two other farm families . His closest neighbors were the Anderson 's who lived down past his house about a half mile and the Green 's who lived down past the Anderson 's , about a mile from Ed 's house . Mr . and Mrs . Green were a young couple in their late twenty 's with three young children , the oldest being eight years old . The Andersons had a son , Matt who was seventeen and a daughter Becky who was the only other kid on the road that was close to his age . Ed was thirteen and Becky was twelve . Ed was the youngest of the Johnson children having two older twin sisters Sara and Sally who were fifteen . Ed was at that awkward age just before starting puberty . He was a tall almost five foot nine scrawny kid who had amazingly grown five inches in the past six months . His bones had grown but the rest of him wasn 't quite there yet . He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and saw an almost embarrassing body . His knee and elbow joints looked adult sized but from there his arms and legs tapered down to about half that size to pitifully small arm and leg muscles . Becky could hardly contain herself looking at Ed 's skinny carcass . She laughed as she told her mother , " Ed is so skinny he looks like a scarecrow . " " Becky ! " her mother scolded her , " you shouldn 't talk about Ed that way . " " I 'm sorry mom ; he just looks so funny especially when he wears shorts . " " Go ahead and laugh now Becky but in a year or two when his muscles catch up to his bones he 'll probably look a lot like his father . " Becky 's eyes grew large . She had always thought that Mr . Johnson was very handsome . " Really mom ? " She nodded her head as she told Becky , " Like father like son . You just wait and see ; the girls will be flocking around him begging for his attention . " Becky was also at that awkward age just at the beginning stages of puberty . She was a petite five foot two with deeply tanned arms and legs from spending endless hours outside . Her mother had bought her two training bras a few months ago when her breasts began developing , signaling the beginnings of womanhood . Becky thought that the bras were too confining and uncomfortable so on most days she didn 't wear them , choosing baggy shirts to cover her budding breasts . Becky locked her bedroom door and removed her clothes looking at herself in the full length mirror on the back of her door . Her breasts had grown only slightly in the few months since her nipples swelled . Her areolas were only slightly pinker than the surrounding skin of her breast . She often looked at her mother 's C - cup breasts and wondered how long it would take for herself to have as large of breasts as her mother . She tightened her stomach muscles and smiled , happy to see the girlish outline of her abdominal muscles . She ran her hands over her hairless body starting at her stomach and moving slowly up and over her breasts feeling a shiver of excitement when her fingers came in contact with her sensitive nipples Being so isolated from other kids and the town ; Ed and Becky became best friends and playmates from very early on in their lives . Both of their houses had long driveways off the dirt road and it was easier and shorter to cut through the corn field to get between each other 's houses instead of walking down the driveway and along the road . A long creek ran between the houses on the property line about half way between Ed 's house and Becky 's house . It was an early fall day shortly after Ed was finished with his morning chores when he called Becky and asked her to meet him at the creek . He ran through the corn field until he got to the creek at the property line . Ed and Becky called it a creek but the only time it had water in it was for a few days after it rained . It was more of a drainage ditch that was about fifty feet wide and about 10 feet deep . It was covered with mostly oak and poplar trees of all different sizes , Ed and his father liked to hunt squirrels there . Ed crossed the creek to Becky 's side and waited . She soon came running out of her corn field and started walking toward him . Becky was a very pretty girl ; Ed secretly thought that she was the prettiest girl at the school although he didn 't tell her or anyone else that . She had long blonde hair that she always kept in a high ponytail . She had a beautifully tanned healthy complexion , sparkling blue eyes and always had a nice smile whenever she saw him . He had noticed lately that she smiled at him with a genuine smile that could only be generated by someone who was truly happy to see you . She was slender with toned arms and legs from doing endless chores that they were both required to do living on a farm . The weather was warm and she was wearing a pair of short cut off blue jeans and a blue and white checked blouse . As she got close to him she flashed that smile that he thought she had reserved just for him and said , " Hi Ed , what 's up ? " He smiled back and said , " Not much Becky . Are you done with your chores ? " " Yes , what do you want to do ? " " I don 't know . Do you want to go to the swimming hole ? " Years ago their father 's had used a backhoe to clean out some downed trees out of the creek and they stacked a few of the cut logs across the creek like a dam that made a small shaded swimming hole about twenty feet wide and about fifty feet long . It was only about five feet deep at its deepest spot . The swimming hole was about a quarter mile down the creek toward the back of the field so they started walking that way . They talked on the way mostly about the movie they both had seen in town last Saturday afternoon . As they got closer Ed saw movement at the swimming hole and crouched down . Becky had seen it too and crouched down beside him . She whispered , " Who is it ? " He moved his head back and forth trying to find a place to see through the thick brush while whispering , " I don 't know I can 't see from here . " They both stayed low to the ground and hidden behind the brush and high grass as they snuck in for a closer look . They crawled on their hands and knees through the tall grass as they got to within one hundred feet of them . When they found a small opening in the brush they saw that it was Becky 's seventeen year old brother Matt and Marsha a sixteen year old girl who lived on one of farms behind theirs on the next dirt road over from them . Matt and Marsha were on the opposite side of the creek sitting on a small grassy ledge that was next to the logs that formed the swimming hole dam . They were locked in an embrace holding each other and kissing . Becky and Ed looked at each other both trying to hold in the laughter that if let out , would give their position away and probably end up with both of them getting a thumping when Matt caught them . They both sat on the ledge kissing when Ed noticed Matt 's hand move up over Marsha 's blouse and onto her breast . Ed and Becky both watched as they saw Matt 's hand squeezing and rubbing her breast . Matt broke the kiss and quickly moved to his knees as Marsha lay down on the grass facing him . She started to giggle as Matt reached for her shorts and pulled them and her panties down and off her legs . Matt quickly undid him belt and pulled his shorts down below his knees . He was facing the two spies ' and Ed could feel his face blush as they both saw Matt 's hard penis pointing straight up . Ed looked at Becky but she was too embarrassed to look back at him . Ed saw that she was blushing too . Marsha spread her legs and Matt lay down on top of her . Holding his body off her with one hand he grabbed his penis and poked it between her legs . Marsha squealed as Ed and Becky watched his penis disappear inside her . Matt put both hands down on the ground one on each side of Marsha 's shoulders and pumped his penis back and forth in and out of her . Marsha lifted her legs up high in the air and both Matt and Marsha were groaning and they had smiles on their faces like they were really enjoying themselves . Ed whispered real soft into Becky 's ear , " Let 's get out of here before we get caught . " Staying low to the ground they slowly backed away from the edge of the creek . When they both got to the edge of the corn field they crouched and went in . They were a few rows in when they stood and both ran fast towards Becky 's house . They emerged from the corn behind her house and ran into the barn . They went up the ladder into the hay loft and fell onto the hay bales out of breath . They lay on the hay in silence both too embarrassed to talk about what they had just seen . On many occasions both of them had seen the bull mounting the cows but today was the first time that Ed put two and two together and realized that people mated too . They both shyly looked at each other and Becky said , " Why were they doing that ? " Ed answered , " I 'm not sure but we 've both seen the bull mounting the cows . " He shrugged his shoulders and said , " I guess people do it too . " Becky , with a serious look on her face said , " I never thought about it before but I guess that 's were babies come from . " Ed began to look at Becky in a different way . He looked at the smooth contour of her jeans between her legs wondering what she looked like down there . He knew she didn 't have a penis like he did and he remembered some of the guys at school saying that girls have a pussy but he had no clue what it looked like . He glanced at her chest and for the first time he noticed small round half globes . ' Becky has boobs ! ' He thought to himself but they were not nearly the size of Marsha 's or his mother 's . It was an awkward few minutes as they sat in silence stealing glances at each other 's bodies . Becky finally broke the silence by asking , " Ed have you ever kissed anybody ? " Ed was surprised at the question but managed to answer back , " No not really , just my mom but I don 't think that counts . How about you ? Have you ever kissed anybody ? " She answered , " No me neither . " She looked at him shyly out of the top of her eyes and asked , " Do you want to kiss me ? " He smiled and sat up on the edge of the hay bale and said , " Sure . " Ed had secretly wanted to kiss her for a long time but he had been way too shy to ask her . Becky sat up and moved a little closer to him and they both slowly leaned in closer to each other . They both puckered up and moved closer to each other until their lips met . It was incredible ; they both could hear their hearts pounding inside their chests . The kiss seemed to go on forever but Becky pulled back from him after just a couple of seconds and made a loud smacking noise of her lips . They looked at each other and smiled . Becky puckered her lips again and leaned back towards him and they kissed again this time they kissed for about ten seconds . She broke the kiss opening her eyes and asked , " Did you like it ? " Ed grinned at her and nodded his head quickly . She smiled back and moved over closer to him until their hips touched . She put her arms around him and they kissed again . He was nervous but put my arms around her and hugged her tight as they continued kissing . Ed thought about what he had seen down at the swimming hole . While Matt was kissing Marsha he moved his hand from her waist and touched her boob . He wasn 't sure but as he thought about it more and more he thought maybe Becky wanted him to do the same thing . He moved his hand slowly from her waist up toward her boob . When his thumb bumped into the side of it Becky broke the kiss and pushed him away so hard that he fell off the hay bale and landed on his butt hard . Becky had fire in her eyes when she screamed , " What are you doing ? " She felt embarrassed , shocked , ' what was he trying to do ? ' she screamed to herself . Becky was now fuming mad at him . She stood and turned away from him and stomped her way over to the ladder at the edge of the loft and looked down into the barn . Mom said that boys would want to touch her sometimes and that she shouldn 't let them . She thought that Ed and she were good friends and she never expected him to be the one to try . ' I hate him ! ' She screamed to herself . Ed stood up brushing himself off but he didn 't dare walk over to her for fear she may turn around and slap him . He said in a meek voice , " I 'm sorry Becky do you want me to go ? " She stood there in silence for a few seconds and then turned toward him . She was looking at the floor with her arms crossed high on her chest hiding her breasts from him . Becky was his best friend and he had known her for as long as he could remember . Most of his fondest memories included her . He had a bad feeling in his chest that he had ruined their friendship and she would never want to see or talk to him again . She continued looking at the floor and spoke slowly and softly . " I 'm sorry I pushed you . " He saw a tear roll down and off her cheek . " It 's just that … " Becky 's emotions were out of control and she began to sob . Without looking at him she turned and quickly climbed down the ladder without saying another word . He ran to the ladder and shouted down to her , " I 'm sorry Becky . Please don 't be mad at me . " She remained silent and when he got to the bottom of the ladder he looked through the open barn door and watched her running to her house . He was very depressed as he slowly walked toward his house through the corn , no longer caring if he ever got home . He spent the rest of the morning sitting at the creek then slowly continued walking towards his house thinking about Becky until it was time to milk the cows . That night when he went to bed he couldn 't get the day 's events out of his head . He tossed and turned until the early hours of the morning finally falling asleep around two a . m . It was getting close to harvest so he spent the next week helping his dad get the equipment ready to go to the field . The Saturday before harvest his parents took him to town and dropped him off at the theatre to watch a movie . Ed was waiting in line at the concession stand with some friends when Becky walked into the lobby with her girl friends . ' Wow ! ' He thought she was beautiful , dressed in a short skirt and a clingy not too tight knit blouse that showed off her athletic body . For the first time in a long while she had her hair down . The long blonde curls of hair ran down the sides of her face partly covering her eyes giving her a mysterious sexy look . Ed looked around at the other girls around the lobby and in his opinion she was by far the prettiest girl in the lobby , in the whole town for that matter . He looked around at the other boys in the lobby and some of them were staring at her . His jaw was clinched tight and his heart had an empty sad feeling as he felt a tingle of jealousy . He had thought for the last week about what he would say to Becky when he saw her again . He had practiced his lines over and over in his head . He was planning on apologizing to her again but he couldn 't do that with her girl friends around because of the questions an apology would raise . When she walked by him he didn 't know what to do so all he said was , " Hi Becky . " She was silent and didn 't smile at him when she looked at him for just a passing second and continued walking with her girlfriends into the theatre . ' Damn ' he said to himself , ' she 's still mad at me ' . His mind was in a fog when he took his seat in the theatre . He stared at the movie screen for an hour and a half but all he could think about was Becky . He told himself again that he had really screwed up . He thought back to that day in the loft and wished with all his heart that he could change what happened . He was surprised when the lights in the theatre came on at the end of the movie as he quickly stood and searched for Becky . She was with her friends laughing and walking up the isle on the other side of the theatre . The movie had ended and he had no idea what it was about . He was waiting alone outside the entrance of the theatre for his parents to pick him up . Becky was waiting a short distance away in a group of girls for her ride home when a couple of boys from his school moved over to them and started talking . The girls were all smiles looking at them and giggling amongst themselves . He listened but was too far from them to hear what they were talking about . He stared at Becky with his mouth open when she looked at one of the boys and flashed that smile at him that he thought she reserved just for him . She looked through the circle of people at him and the smile left her face when she caught sight of him . She coldly stared at him for a few seconds while he silently mouthed the words ' I 'm sorry ' . She showed no reaction to him and turned her focus back to her friends and began smiling again . He silently sat in the back seat of the truck and wished that he hadn 't wasted him money going to the movie . His mother sensing something was wrong asked him on the way home if he liked the movie , he lied and told her that he enjoyed it . The following Monday the harvest started and Ed was happy to be distracted from thinking about Becky . It took two hours in the morning to milk the cows and then he ate breakfast and was in the field before seven . The only break came in the early afternoon when his mother brought him his lunch / dinner . He drove his father 's truck back to the barn around six and helped his mother milk the cows and clean the barn . With just the two of them it took over three hours to finish the milking . He was exhausted when he fell in bed around ten thankful that sleep came easy for him for the first time since the day in the loft . He didn 't dream that night and it seemed like he had just closed hisHe protested saying , " I 've got my FHP and dad let me drive last year and I 'm pretty good with the tractor , please mom I can do it . " Becky and his mother were both staring at him and he could tell his mother wasn 't sold on the idea yet . " Honey , " she said , " that 's a lot of weight to be driving on the road . " He was thinking of a way to convince her when an idea came to him . " How about you ride with me on the first run to see how I do ? " Then Becky said , " And then I 'll ride with him to make sure he doesn 't drive too fast . " " Please mom I 'm thirteen and dad drove when he was thirteen , remember him telling the story ? " She sighed and said , " I don 't have time to ride with you , but if Becky … Let me check with your father . " She went to the CB radio and told him that the Anderson 's needed a driver and she was thinking about sending Ed . There was a long pause and when his father finally came back on the radio he said , " Ok , call Miller and have him escort him the first couple of trips . " Deputy Miller was one fourth of the county 's police force and a good friend of the family having grown up with Ed 's father . Last spring when Ed took his Farm Husbandry Permit test Deputy Miller cut him no slack . It took two days but Ed drove each piece of equipment on the farm until Deputy Miller was satisfied he could safely handle it . His mother had a worried look on her face when she read him the riot act . She grabbed and held his shoulders and said in a stern voice , " Ed that truck isn 't going to drive like the pickup , when it 's loaded it 's going to be very heavy and you have to go very slow around corners and leave plenty of time for slowing down and stopping . " She looked at Becky and continued , " Make sure he goes slow and keep an eye on the brake pressure . Deputy Miller will be on channel nine . You do the talking Becky . " She looked back at him and said , " And you keep both hands on the wheel when you 're not shifting gears . " " Yes ma ' am we 'll be careful . " Ed anBecky switched channels on the CB radio and said , " Deputy Miller this is Becky Anderson , Ed 's heading to the road . " When they got to the highway Deputy Miller was waiting with red lights flashing . There were two cars stopped on the side of the road as he slowly turned onto the main highway and headed to the grain elevator . They lumbered along at a blistering thirty miles per hour on the three mile trip with Deputy Miller leading the way . With both hands on the wheel he looked at Becky and said , " Becky I 'm sorry . " She didn 't look at him but said in a loud voice , " Shut up and keep your eyes on the road . " He sighed and did what she told him to do . After a few seconds she said , " We need to talk about it but not right now . You need to concentrate on what you 're doing . " The three mile trip went without incident . Deputy Miller pulled up next to Ed when he got out of the truck to unload . He got out of his patrol car and asked , " Did everything go ok Ed ? " He said , " Yes sir , no problems . " " Good ! Your speed limit is thirty miles per hour with your emergency flashers on . Do you understand ? " " Yes sir . " " Don 't let me catch you going any faster or there will be hell to pay . " It 's not unusual for young teenagers to drive on the highways during the harvest under close supervision . Most of the locals monitor the CB radio to find out what going on in the area . When Becky called Deputy Miller the news spread like wild fire , just about the whole county knew there was a rookie driving on the road . Ed unloaded and was escorted back to the field . There was no small talk between Ed and Becky , the only time she spoke was to tell him to ' slow down ' or ' be careful ' and a number of other orders . He was disappointed that Becky didn 't want to talk to him but he understood that she didn 't want to distract him while he was driving thirty tons down the highway . He was just happy that she cared enough to ride with him . They made four round trips that afternoon two of which were without an escort , stopping only to get a bag lunch from Mrs . Anderson . Ed got a radio call around six p . m . from his mother telling him to come home to do the milking . At nine o clock just before they were finished milking his mother told him to go back to the Anderson 's and drive the truck . Becky was waiting at the truck when he got there . They made two more round trips to the elevator that night before they quit for the night just before midnight . Because of the darkness , Deputy Miller escorted them on both trips . He didn 't remember walking into his bedroom that night because he was so tired . It had been a long twenty hour day and he was asleep before his head hit the pillow . Ed 's mother woke him up at four thirty the next morning and despite sleeping less than 5 hours he felt energized . One way or another today would be the last day of the harvest . He took a quick shower and they ate breakfast before he and his mother started the milking . Before seven o clock his mother shooed him out the door with a smile and said , " Go help the Anderson 's . " Becky and Ed once again shared the same seat in the truck . She wasn 't dressed in work clothes like she was yesterday . Today she was dressed up in what he thought would be more appropriate to wear to school or to the movies . He wondered if she dressed up because she knew that she would be riding with him again . Ed wanted to score some more points with Becky so when they got to the highway with the first load he said without looking at her , " You look very pretty today Becky . " Ed was trying everything he could think of to get back on her good side but she still had a look of contempt on her face whenever he looked at her . She glared at him saying , " Thank you . Pay attention to what you 're doing ! " In the early afternoon they could see the rain on the horizon heading their way . It was going to be close ; they still had about three hours before all the corn would be harvested . Ed was pushing the speed limit that deputy Miller had given him . Every time he got the truck up to thirty two miles per hour Becky would tell him to slow down . It didn 't matter in the long run because the last of the corn was in the elevator with fifteen minutes to spare before the heavy rain came . Ed parked the truck where he had found it yesterday but before they got out he asked Becky , " Can I call you tomorrow ? " Becky was relieved that the harvest was over and she had calmed down since the incident in the loft last week . After spending a couple of sleepless nights herself she realized that Ed was just copying what they had seen at the swimming hole . She had kept up the act of being mad at him as to not appear to be too easy . She knew in her heart that she would soon release him from the agony that his face showed whenever she looked at him . She smiled at him with that special smile for the first time since the day in the loft . " Yes you can call me but tomorrow is harvest feast so I 'll see you then . " She turned and started running to their dairy barn to help with the milking . Woo - hoo ! He said to himself with a silly grin on his face . Ed was in a good mood running back to the house in the rain . Becky was no longer mad at him and he felt like a conquering hero returning from the battlefield to the thunderous applause of the people he 'd saved . The next day the Anderson 's invited Ed 's family to their house for the annual harvest feast . Ed had pulled his own weight during the harvest and Mr . Anderson and his father treated him differently after that day . Becky watched and listened as her father praised Ed for a job well done . He was given more responsibility around the farm and he was also given extra freedom . After dinner Becky and Ed walked outside and slowly headed to the barn to talk . As soon as they stopped he turned to Becky and said his well rehearsed line , " Becky I 'm real sorry that I touched you and I promise that I 'll never do it again . " She thought for a moment , " That 's ok Ed , you don 't have to promise . " She looked at him with softness in her eyes and a sly grin on her lips , " Ed , I really like you and someday I may want you to touch me but not right now . " She continued with a serious look , " I 've thought about what happened in the loft Ed and I understand that you were just doing what we saw at the swimming hole . " She threw her arms around his chest resting her head on his shoulder and hugged him tightly . Ed was a little surprised by this move ; he gently put his arms around her not wanting to offend her . " I 'm so proud of you , " she whispered , " daddy said that we did a real good job and he was proud of us . " She moved her face up to Ed 's face gazing into his eyes , beckoning for him to kiss her . He looked into her deep blue eyes unsure as to whether she wanted a kiss . Becky sensing his uneasiness , closed her eyes and puckered her lips . They kissed . Ed and Becky 's friendship changed that day . She no longer looked at Ed as a playmate but as a friend of the opposite sex and as a likely future boyfriend . They returned to their lives no longer running across the field to see each other on a daily bases . Ed saw Becky at school and he often asked her if he could sit with her at the movies . She always said yes and they would hold hands in the darkness of the movie theatre . Just a few days before Christmas that year , Ed woke up as usual at four thirty and went to the kitchen for breakfast . His mother and father were talking and concerned because of the weather . The weather forecast called for heavy snow and near blizzard conditions starting that night . " Ed , " his father said , " We need to get the cows and horses into the barn and get prepared for bad weather . " Ed nodded his head and asked , " Ok , what do you want me to do . " " Before milking we need to close the pasture gates and open the doors to the barn . The cows can stay in the corral until the weather gets too bad for them to stay outside . " The milking went as usual that morning and the cows were all accounted for and moseying around between the corral and the barn . At lunch the weather radar showed that they were going to get hit by the center of the storm and they could expect ten to twelve inches or more of snow with high winds and near blizzard conditions . It started snowing late in the afternoon and there were several inches already on the ground when they went back to the house after the evening milking . The following morning Ed heard the wind howling as he got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast . When he looked out the backdoor window he hardly recognized the yard . Snow was drifted around the pickup truck and the house . After milking Ed started shoveling snow away from the front and back doors of the house . He sighed when he realized that after the snow blew back in he would have to do it again in a few hours . During lunch they received a call on the CB radio from Deputy Miller . " BreaIt was a chaotic scene in the kitchen with well over a dozen people standing around not knowing what to do . Mrs . Johnson spoke up , " Everyone is welcome to have some coffee or hot chocolate and have a seat at the table or in our living room . " Mr . Johnson then spoke , " Folks I need those jackets and blankets back , there are more people out there that we need to go get . " Ed and his father headed back to the interstate and rescued nine more people . All totaled they had twenty five people at their house including the truck driver and Deputy Miller while the Anderson 's had rescued twenty two people . Mr . Johnson along with Mr . Anderson , Deputy Miller , and the truck driver once again went back to the interstate with the large four wheel drive tractors to pull the eighteen wheeler back on the road to allow the snow plow to get through . Ed had thirty minutes to relax and warm up before it was time to start the milking . He , along with his two sister 's and the Peters went to do the milking while Mrs . Johnson and several volunteers began cooking dinner for thirty people . It was slow going at first for Ed as none of his helpers had been this close to cows before let alone had ever seen the complex machinery needed to milk them . After the first set of cows was milked they began to get the hang of it and the work proceeded at a faster pace . When they finished , Ed checked the almost full milk tank and realized there wasn 't enough room for the morning milking . They next went to the barn to make sure the cows were fed and settled in . Mr . and Mrs . Peters watched in awe as he and his sister 's bucked the eighty pound bales of hay down to the cows while snapping the twine in one fluid motion . They all returned to the house to find a noisy scene . There were people in every room in the house with lines outside each of the bathrooms . Dinner had to be eaten in shifts as there weren 't enough chairs or plates for everyone to eat a once . Ed 's turn to eat was with the Peters family that rode with him on the snowmobile . Mrs . Peters remarked after taking a drink of milk , " Oh wow , that 's the best tasting milk I think I 've ever had . " Ed smiled at her and said , " That 's fresh from this morning 's milking , it hasn 't been skimmed yet so the butter fat is probably higher than you 're used to . " Mrs . Johnson had allowed some children to sleep in Ed 's bedroom so he quietly went to his closet and gathered the things he would need to spend the night in the barn with the cattle . Around midnight it stopped snowing and the snow plow followed by the milk truck were able to get through around two in the morning . Ed returned to the house after the milk truck emptied the milk tank to help his mother with breakfast . Some of the people were eager to return to the vehicles so he began ferrying families back to the interstate on the snowmobile . After breakfast Ed took the Peters family back to the first car that he had stopped by yesterday . Mr . Peters shook Ed hand telling him thank you . Mrs . Peters hugged him tight and said , " Thank you Ed , I 'll never forget what you and your family did for us . Every time I drink a glass of milk I 'll be thinking of you . " Ed smiled , " Yes ma ' am , it was nice meeting you and your welcome . " Ed didn 't realize the impact that he and his family had on the Peters family until a week or so later when they received a thank you letter and a Christmas card in the mail from them . It had been a long and stressful forty eight hours in which Ed had received little to no sleep . After all of the travelers were ferried back at their cars , Ed went home and fell asleep . His mother didn 't bother waking him for dinner or the evening milking , he slept through to the next morning when it was time to do the milking again . The unusually cold winter passed and the new spring came . Mrs . Anderson and Becky were invited to Ed 's house for coffee by Mrs . Johnson on a nice warm spring day . Ed was in the yard with his shirt off mowing the grass with the push mower as Becky 's mother parked their truck in the driveway . " Oh my my , " she said to Becky mock fanning herself , " would you look at that handsome young man over there ! " It was the first time since last summer that Becky or her mother had a look at Ed without heavy winter clothes on . Ed had put on some weight over the winter and no longer had that skinny carcass that he saw in the mirror last year . Mrs . Anderson remembered the conversation she had where Becky thought he looked like a scarecrow . " You still think he looks like a scarecrow ? " " Stop it mom , " Becky said while playfully slapping her arm , " you 're embarrassing me . " They knocked at the door and were greeted by Mrs . Johnson . As they all sat at the kitchen table Mrs . Anderson thought she would have some more fun at Becky 's expense . " Becky and I were noticing that handsome young man in the yard . " She smiled at Becky and continued , " What happened to that scarecrow that you had last year ? " Both ladies laughed seeing it made Becky uncomfortable and watched her turn a shade of red . Becky protested her treatment , " Stop it mom ! " " He 's growing like a weed and eating like a horse . " Mrs . Johnson explained , " He 's almost six feet tall and he gained thirty pounds over the winter . " " And it looks like it was all muscle . " She laughed , " You 'll soon have to put a fence up to keep all the girls away . " " Mom ! " Becky groaned turning a deeper shade of red . The back door opened and Ed walked in . Becky looked up and noticed the sweat on his face and chest rolling down to his deeply carved AB muscles . ' Mom was right ' Becky thought to herself , he looks almost like his father . She felt a flood of moisture between her legs and a tingle of excitement which made her even more embarrassed . Ed used his shirt as a rag wiping most of the sweat off . He smiled at her and said , " Hi Becky . " She smiled back as he walked past her to the refrigerator for a big glass of ice water . Mrs . Johnson looked at Mrs . Anderson and said jokingly , " He didn 't even notice us . I guess he only has eyes for a certain lovely young lady . " Ed hearing this stopped drinking in mid gulp and said , " I 'm sorry Mrs . Anderson it 's nice to see you too . " " That 's ok Ed , " she said while laughing , " You have your priorities in the right place . " Both ladies laughed as Becky gave her mother a dirty look . She didn 't want her mother to embarrass her further especially in front of Ed so she stood and walked out the door in a huff . Ed finished his drink and walked out the door after her . He caught up to her behind the house and asked , " Hey Becky what 's wrong ? " " Mother 's ! " she said sulking . " Oh nothing much , they were just teasing me . " " About what ? " he asked trying to pry it out of her . " Well , if I tell you do you promise not to get mad at me ? " He chuckled again and said , " Ya I know what you mean . I looked at myself in the mirror last year and thought the same thing . " She smiled , " Thanks for not getting mad . " " How about now ? " he asked holding his arms out to give her a good look at his shirtless body . " Do I still look skinny ? " She grinned as she moved her eyes slowly from his toes to his head and teased , " Well maybe a little but you look very handsome . " He stepped closer to her and put his arms around her and hugging her . " Thanks , that was nice of you . " Becky went up on her toes and put her arms around his neck and hugged him back . She strained her neck looking up at him wanting him to kiss her . He bent his head down to meet her lips and they kissed . He noticed as she pressed her breasts into his chest that they seemed to be much larger than they were last year . Ed had a warm fuzzy feeling and was enjoying the sensation of being pressed up tight to Becky . They stayed in the embrace after the kiss and Ed said in a soft voice , " As long as we 're being honest I should tell you that for a long time I 've always thought that you are the prettiest girl in school . " Becky smiled and put her head against his chest and hugged him tighter . They released their grip on each other when they heard the back door open . Becky 's mother called out to them in a loud excited voice , " Becky , Ed where are you ? " They heard the concern in her voice and ran around the corner of the house , " What 's wrong ? " Becky said . Both ladies were running towards the truck parked in the driveway , " Mr . Green is hurt , " Mrs . Anderson yelled , " hurry , we 've got to go ! " All four of them jumped into the Anderson 's truck and they raced to the Green farm as fast as the dirt road would allow . As they drove up the driveway they could see Mrs . Green waving her arms down by the milking parlor . As the truck slowed Ed opened the door and ran to the barn to find a very chaotic scene . The milking equipment was running , all three of the Green children were crying and Mr . Green was sitting on the ground holding his leg . " Damn , " He said through clinched teeth , " I think my leg is broke . " Mrs . Anderson having some first aid experience surveyed the scene and asked . " Can you stand on your other leg ? " " Yes I think so . " He said . Ed watched the truck until it was out of sight and then went back to the barn . Becky was holding the youngest child who had stopped crying but was still sobbing . " Take the children to the house , " Mrs . Johnson said to Becky , " and check to see that everything in the kitchen is off . " Ed and his mother spent the next two hours finishing the milking and cleaning the barn . As they walked to the house Ed 's mother said , " Mr . Green is going to need a lot of help . " " Ya I 've been thinking about it and if you can handle things at home I 'll come over here and help out . " Mrs . Johnson smiled at her son and had a feeling of pride . At his young age he already understood that the work needed to be done . He didn 't protest or whine about it he just sucked it up and would do what was necessary to help out . The cows didn 't care if you had a broken leg they needed to be milked twice a day , period . For the next six weeks Ed was there every morning at four thirty to do the milking . It didn 't take long for the tight knit farming community to find out about Mr . Green 's situation . Phone calls were made and a ' duty roster ' of sorts was set up . Every day someone different showed up to help out . The milk went out , the chores were done , and the Green farm barely skipped a beat . It was a few years later . Ed was seventeen and a strapping young country boy who stood six foot two inches . He weighed in at one hundred and eighty pounds of solid muscle with not an ounce of fat . Becky , at sixteen had also matured into a slim trim five foot six inch blonde beauty . They weren 't officially a couple , no ring had been given but most of the other student at school knew them to be a couple . Whenever there was an event or a gathering of friends , Ed and Becky always arrived and left together . Mrs . Hall , one of the beloved teachers who had taught school for more than forty five years was retiring at the end of the school year . A large picnic was planned for the first week in June to celebrate her retirement . She had taught just about everyone who lived within thirty miles of the school including both Ed and Becky 's parents . The picnic went well with everyone wishing her happiness on her retirement . Many stories were told by her during the picnic much to the embarrassment of some of her past students . Mrs . York , the teacher who also doubled as the principal , began the search for a new teacher to take the place of Mrs . Hall . There weren 't many inquiries into the position and the few who did inquire politely declined after they found out how isolated the school was . It was over forty miles to a town " Wow , that will be a big change for her . " Mr . Allen said , " The high school Karen went to had almost two thousand students . " Matt chuckled and said , " There isn 't two thousand people total within forty miles of here . " Mr . Allen sighed and said in a concerned voice , " I hope she 'll be ok way out here . " Ed hearing his concern said , " Don 't worry Mr . Allen , folks take care of each other out here . Either Matt or I will keep the grass cut in the summer and the driveway plowed in the winter . Next weekend we 'll being her enough firewood to last the winter . If something goes wrong with the house or her car we can take care of that too . " Mr . Allen patted Ed on the shoulder and said , " Thanks , that 's a load off my mind . I was real worried when she took this job . I tried to talk her out of taking it . " It the late afternoon , most everything of Karen 's was unpacked and the furniture was arranged . Everyone except Ed and Becky left for home to do chores and the milking . Just before they left Mrs . Anderson invited them to their farm for dinner . Around six the Allen 's followed Ed and Becky to the farm for dinner . Ed and Becky brought their guests down to see the milking parlor and the herd before dinner . Little Mark had become attached to Becky and she carried him on the tour to keep him out of the mud and manure . They were all fascinated with the milking equipment . Becky held little Mark up close to the fence so he could get a close up look at the cows . They all chuckled as Mark screamed when one of the cows stuck her tongue out and tried to lick him . That evening when Ed and his mother drove home she said to him , " They 're nice people ; I think she will be a good teacher . " " Ya I think so too . Mr . Allen was worried about Karen being way out here all by herself , but I told him that we would look out for her . " " That was nice of you to say Ed . Oh by the way ; did you see the way that little Mark took to Becky ? " " Yes I saw . She held him quite a bit . " Ed said . Mrs . Anderson sighed , " Becky is going to be a good mother someday . She has the natural instincts of knowing what a child needs . " She grinned at Ed and said , " She 'll make you a good wife . " Ed was at a loss for words . He looked at her with an open mouth not knowing what to say . Ed 's mother let the conversation hang and they rode the rest of the way home in silence . The following day Karen hugged her parents and said good bye to them as they left around noon on their trip home . Mr . Allen told Karen what Ed had told him the day before about helping her out if she needed it . Mrs . Johnson , Mrs . Anderson , and Becky came by just as they were leaving and picked up Karen and little Mark . They all rode the forty miles to the discount store for their weekly groceries . Karen had just put two gallons of milk into her shopping cart when Becky stopped her . " Karen , you don 't have to buy milk , we 've got plenty . " Karen smiled and said , " Oh , this is going to be difficult getting used to having fresh milk all the time . " Becky added , " Don 't buy any fruits or vegetables either . Next week we 'll be doing the canning , you 're welcome to come over and help . I sure mom and Mrs . Johnson will share some with you . " " You mean you do your own canning too ? " " Yes we put up enough to last the whole year plus we sell a lot of it during the summer . " Becky added , " Did you notice the peach and apple trees in your back yard ? " " Really ? " Karen said , " No I didn 't notice . " " Ed and I will come over next week and help you pick them and we 'll get them canned . " The following Saturday after Ed had finished the morning chores he drove their late seventies Dodge Power Wagon over to the Anderson farm and Matt , Becky , and Ed filled the eight foot bed to overflowing with firewood . When they arrived at Karen 's house , Ed was thinking about what his mom had said to him the other night , he noticed when little Mark saw Becky he ran to her and put his arms up wanting her to pick him up . She picked him up giving him a kiss on the cheek . They spent the next hour stacking the wood near Karen 's back porch . Karen helped out but had to stop and rest a few times putting her hands on her lower back massaging the muscles . Karen said to no one in particular , " I don 't know if I 'll ever get used to this country work . " Becky smiled as she continued stacking firewood , " The day has just started , after we finish here we have to get the peaches and apples picked , mom and Mrs . Johnson have already started canning . " Karen groaned as she started stacking the firewood again . After the peaches an " It 's not that difficult , once the soil is prepared right , it will grow . " Ed smiled at her then joked , " We 're farmers you know . " They walked back into the shed and Karen saw five large pots of hot water sitting on a large wood burning stove , all of the women were working on different parts of the project . Karen said , " I 've never done anything like this before . What do you want me to do ? " Karen worked with them until late into the evening canning every type of food imaginable . When she arrived back home she was exhausted but very excited of the day 's events . After she tucked little Mark into bed she called her mother . " Hi mom , " she said in an excited voice , " You 'll never guess what I did today ! " " You sound excited honey , " Mrs . Allen said , " What did you do ? " " Well , first thing this morning Ed , Matt , and Becky came over and we unloaded a huge truck load of firewood . Then we picked all of the ripe apples and peaches off the trees behind my house . I didn 't even know there were fruit trees back there ! " Karen continued talking a hundred miles an hour to her mother , " We brought them over to the Johnson farm and canned them ! " Mrs . Allen talked to her daughter for more than an hour that night . She was happy and relieved that the Anderson 's and Johnson 's had so readily accepted her daughter and included her into their daily lives . After the call was finished she told her husband how happy she sounded . It took another two days of work before all of the canning was done . Karen helped carry the completed jars into the cellar for storage and was amazed to see several hundred jars of preserved food plus several large bins filled with potatoes . " Anything you need Karen just ask and you can have it . With all of the work you 've done we consider you a full partner . " Mrs . Johnson said . " Next year when you have a garden you 're welcome to bring everything over here and we 'll all work together to get it canned . " Karen was amazed at what the Johnson 's and the Anderson 's gave her to bring home to stock her pantry . In less than a week of her arriving , she felt like she had known them for her whole life . The following week Karen was invited back to the Anderson farm and helped in the slaughter of an eighteen hundred pound bull . She was horrified watching Mr . Anderson shoot the bull but that was soon forgotten when the steaks were placed on the table ready for packaging . Th " We need to go shopping and find a nice dress , one that he wouldn 't expect you to wear and get your hair done up nice . " Lori offered , " And next month at the fall festival dance you should be real friendly with some of the other boys . When Ed asks you to dance a slow dance tell him that you promised someone else a dance . But you need to be careful Becky , don 't push him too far . You may push him into someone else 's arms . " Ed and a few of his friends were talking and waiting in front of the dance hall for their dates to arrive . When Becky arrived for the dance and got out of the car and Ed couldn 't believe his eyes . Becky was dressed in a short sleeveless little black dress that fit her like a glove , complete with black high heel shoes . Her hair was made up and her makeup looked perfect . The other three girls that were with her were dressed in similar dresses but in Ed 's eyes they couldn 't hold a candle to the way Becky looked . As soon as they saw them they all stopped taking and one of Ed 's friends said ' holy cow ' under his breath , Ed was thinking the same thing . If you were standing off to the side looking at the four young men you would have seen them starring at their dates with their mouths open in disbelief . Ed felt a stiffening in his groin and was nervous as Becky walked towards him . He had to tell himself to close his mouth and smile at her as she got close to him . " Wow Becky , " he said as they hugged each other , " You look beautiful . Where did you get that dress ? " Becky gave him a quick kiss on the lips and said , " This old thing ? I don 't know I must have picked it up somewhere in town . " Becky was nervous as they walked into the dance hall . Earlier in the day she had asked one of her school friends Mike to save a slow dance for her in hopes of making Ed jealous . Becky didn 't want to watch Ed during the slow dance so it would be Lori 's job to watch Ed and tell her how he reacted to her when she was dancing with Mike . About half way through the dance Becky 's chance came . They had just finished dancing and were on the edge of the dance floor when the band started playing a slow song . Ed moved towards Becky to start dancing with her but she put her hand to his chest stopping him . Becky said , " I promised Mike a dance , I 'll be back in a little while . " She turned and started walking across the dance floor in search of Mike . She smiled to herself as she heard Ed say ' but Becky ' , she ignored She latched onto his hand and pulled him out the back door . Ed wasn 't thinking clearly and followed her to a tree a few yards away from the open back door . She pushed him against an oak tree and pretended to be cold . " Burrr , " she said rubbing her arms , " it 's a little chilly out her . " She reached her arms around Ed , leaned into him and gently pinned him against the tree . " Ed please warm me up . " When she heard the slow dance music end she put the side of her head against Ed 's chest and watched the back door . As Nancy suspected , Becky appeared at the back door about ten seconds after the song ended . As soon as Nancy saw her she quickly moved her face up to Ed 's face and kissed him on the lips . Ed didn 't see Becky but when he realized what Nancy was doing he put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back and held her at arm 's length . " Nancy , what are you doing ? " He didn 't wait for Nancy to answer and said , " I 'm going back inside . " Nancy grabbed his hand and pulled him to a stop and said , " What for Ed ? Don 't you like me ? Besides , Becky is probably inside kissing Mike right now . " Ed didn 't answer her ; he pulled his hand free and walked back into the building . Just inside the door he stopped and scanned the crowded room searching for Becky . He saw Mike on the side of the room talking with his friends but Becky wasn 't with him . He finally saw her walking out the front door while talking with her friend Lori . He walked towards her a quick as he could having to side step around several people in the crowded room . When he got to the front door Lori grabbed his shirt sleeve with her fist and said , " You two timing son - of - a - bitch . " " What are you talking about Lori ? Where 's Becky ? " Ed asked . " She saw you kissing Nancy , you asshole . " Ed pulled his shirt out of the grip of her hand and walked out the front door . He saw Becky sitting in the back seat of her friend 's car crying as it left the parking lot . He watched her leave then walked back in and grabbed Lori 's arm . " What 's going on Lori ? Is somebody trying to set me up ? " Ed asked with a firm tone to his voice . Lori played dumb , " What do you mean ? " " Why did Becky all of a sudden decide to slow dance with Mike ? " Ed knew that whatever he said to Lori would get back to Becky so he carefully continued . " And why did Nancy show up two seconds after Becky left ? And what 's with that dress she was wearing tonight ? She has never worn anything like that before . " " Does Becky want to dump me for someone else ? " Ed thought for a few seconds and said , " Or was Becky trying to make me jealous ? " Lori played dumb again but she knew that Ed may have figured it out , but she wasn 't going to be the one to tell him that . It would be up to Becky to tell him the truth about what happened . The only thing Lori couldn 't figure out was why Nancy had chosen that moment to hit on Ed ? For Becky 's sake Lori was going to get to the bottom of this and confront Nancy . For the next thirty minutes Lori looked everywhere for Nancy but she couldn 't find her . The dance was winding down and Lori decided to wait until morning before church to talk to her . Ed wasn 't in a good mood after he talked with Lori . Everyone at the dance was laughing and having a good time . He didn 't want to be around people right now , especially happy people so he left the dance and drove home . On the way , he kept going over the events of the night . At the beginning of the dance he thought Becky seemed to be preoccupied with something . He thought that she may have been self conscious about wearing such a sexy looking dress . Then he thought , maybe she wanted to date someone else and talked Nancy into coming on to him . By the time he got home he had thought of three or four possible reasons why Becky had walked away from him and went to dance with Mike . Ed pulled into the yard and shut the truck off . He sat in the truck for a while and suddenly remembered a conversation he had with his dad a while back , ' Son , women are strange creatures , they say one thing but mean another and they expect men to know what they 're thinking about . I 've tried to figure thBecky was dropped off at her house and was still crying as she ran up the steps to her bedroom past her mom and dad and closed the bedroom door . Becky mom tried to ask how the dance went but Becky flew by so fast she knew something was wrong . She got up off the couch to go talk to Becky when Mr . Anderson asked , " What 's wrong with her ? " " It 's girl stuff ; I 'll go talk to her . " She answered . She walked up the steps and knocked on the door . " Becky can I come in ? " she asked . Not hearing a response she opened the door and saw Becky lying on her bed crying . " It can 't be all that bad honey . Sit up Becky ; we need to talk about it . " Becky sat up on the edge of the bed and when her mother sat next to her she put her head on her shoulder and cried . She put her arm around Becky and asked , " Tell me what happened . " Her crying turned to sobs and she said , " I tried to make Ed jealous by dancing with someone else and when a slow dance started I left Ed standing there and went to find Mike to dance with . When the dance was over Lori told me that Ed went out the back door with Nancy . " She began crying again as her mother tried to comfort her said , " There , there , Becky , it will be ok . " Becky continued , " When I went out the door to find him , I saw him kissing Nancy . " She began crying harder on her mother 's shoulder . " Don 't worry honey , " She said softly , " we 'll figure out what to do . " She brought Becky two Tylenol PM 's and a glass of water but it didn 't help much . Becky tossed and turned all night not getting very much sleep . Ed 's mother wanted to find out what was happening between Ed and Becky so she called Mrs . Anderson . They talked for several minutes , both giving their side of the story they had heard . At the end of the conversation they both decided to stay out of it and let Ed and Becky sort it out . The following morning before church Lori found Nancy at the church and roughly pulled her to the side to talk . " Nancy , what the hell were you doing out behind the dance with Ed ? " " That 's none of your business Lori ! " Nancy said . Nancy started walking away but Lori stepped in front of her and said , " Oh yes it is ! Becky is my best friend and you and I both know that Ed and Becky are a couple . You had no cause to kiss him . " Nancy was getting nervous as she saw from Lori 's posture that she was ready to fight if necessary to get the truth out of her . Lori wasn 't going to let Nancy leave until she told her what was going on . " Look Lori , I saw Becky refuse to dance with Ed and then walk away from him to find someone else to dance with . I saw my chance and went to ask him to dance with me . " " What did you do outside ? " Lori demanded . Nancy sighed , " I had Ed off balance and I knew Becky would come looking for him so I waited for her to show up and then I kissed Ed in front of her . " " You devious little slut , " Lori said while clinching her fists , " I should kick your ass right know . " " They aren 't exclusive ! " Nancy said trying to justify her actions , " I like Ed too ! Besides , " Nancy lowered her voice and looked away , " he broke off my kiss and threw me aside and went back into the dance looking for Becky . " Lori gave her a disgusted look and left her standing there . Becky was nervous on Sunday morning when she rode to church with her parents . She usually sat with Ed during the service but she didn 't know what was going to happen when they saw each other . When they arrived , Becky saw the Johnson 's but Ed wasn 't with them . The two families greeted each other and Mrs . Johnson said to Becky , " Ed wasn 't feeling well this morning so he stayed home . " Becky sat with Lori and she told her what Nancy had said , " Ed wasn 't thinking straight after you went to dance with Mike . Nancy was waiting for you to show up out back and she kissed him so you would see and get angry at Ed . He must have pushed her away just as you turned around and came back in . He couldn 't have been out there for more than a minute or two alone with her . " " Oh no , this didn 't turn out the way I hoped it would , what am I going to do LBecky didn 't want to talk to him over the phone , preferring to talk face to face , so all she said when Ed said hello was , " Ed we need to talk , will you please come over to my house ? " Ed sighed and thought for a moment before he answered , " Ok I 'll be there in I few minutes . " When Ed drove up the drive way he saw Becky sitting on the front porch . He still had a sick feeling in his stomach that she was going to break up with him . He parked the truck and walked to the bottom of the porch steps and stopped . Becky didn 't look good , her eyes were red and she was having a difficult time smiling at him . Ed didn 't smile back at her he just said , " Hi Becky , what do you want . " She stood at the top of the steps with her arms crossed and said , " Hi Ed , Your mom said you weren 't feeling well this morning . Are you feeling better now ? " Ed didn 't like the small talk , he wanted Becky to get it over with and get to the main point of why she called him over . " No Becky I 'm not . " Much to his dismay she continued with the small talk . " Oh , I 'm sorry to hear that . What 's wrong ? " She asked . " I don 't really know Becky ; I think my heart is broken … Or it 's going to be . " Ed said without smiling . Ed saw a tear run down her cheek as she said in a shaky voice , " I need to explain to you what happened last night . " She walked down the steps and stood in front of him and continued . " I was trying to make you jealous , I thought that if you watched me slow dancing with someone else you would make a commitment to me and give me a ring to show me that you really cared about me . " They stood facing each other in silence for several seconds . At first Ed was relieved that she wasn 't going to break up with him , but as last evenings events flashed across his mind he became annoyed . He couldn 't remember ever been angry at Becky but he was now . " That 's it Becky ? " the more he thought about it the angrier he became . " So you just left me standing in the middle of the dance floor looking like an idiot while you went off looking for someone else to dance with ? And then you didn 't want to talk with me and drove home with someone else , all because you wanted to make me jealous ? " " I 'm so sorry Ed , will you please forgive me ? " She said as she opened her arm wanting to hug Ed . When Ed saw Becky move toward him he stepped back a couple of steps and said , " Why would you want to play a silly game like that ? We 've known each other for a long time Becky , when have I ever looked at another girl ? You should have told me what you wanted ; I can 't read your mind Becky . " Becky didn 't have an answer for him ; he looked at her for a few seconds and said , " I guess we 're done here . " He turned and said ' damn ' under this breath as he walked back to his truck . " Please forgive me Ed , " she cried , " I 'm sorry . " He ignored her and left in a cloud of dust down the gravel driveway . When he got to the end of the driveway he stopped . He wanted to be alone , he didn 't want to go home and listen to his mother preach to him so he decided to drive towards town . When he got to the school building he pulled into the parking lot and went to one of the picnic tables and sat . He was alone for about an hour whe " Sure Nancy . " Becky said in a weak voice . " I want to apologize for kissing your boyfriend on Saturday night . " Nancy said , " I have always liked Ed and when I saw you walk away from him … well I should have said something to you before I went outside with him . I 'm sorry . " " Thanks Nancy , but I don 't think Ed is my boyfriend anymore . " " You 're wrong Becky ; I 've talked to him yesterday and today . He 's miserable without you , give him some time to cool down and he 'll come back . " Becky smiled at her and walked to Ed 's truck . When she got in she saw that the book bag was still on the seat next to him . It was another silent ride home . After they dropped off the Green kids Becky said , " Ed , will you ever be able to forgive me ? " Ed sighed and slowly said , " Yes Becky I forgive you . " Her face lit up with a big smile as she said , " Really Ed ? You forgive me ? " " Yes , under one condition . " Ed wasn 't smiling ; he stared straight ahead at the steering wheel and continued . " When you walked away from me and then left the dance without talking to me you hurt me real bad Becky . " Ed looked at Becky and held his hand up to stop her from talking . " Don 't ever do anything like that again . If this is going to work , we need to talk to each other . " Ed moved the book bag off the seat and Becky quickly slide over and through her arms around him . " Oh Ed , I 'm so sorry for hurting you . I promise I 'll never do it again . " Ed wrapped his arms around her and they kissed for several minutes . " Lori said that you are worried about me finding someone else . " Ed , said , " When you and your friends got out of the car at the dance , the only one I saw was you . I don 't even remember what color their dresses were Becky . " Tears of joy ran down Becky cheeks as she kissed Ed again . " Lori also said that you wanted something from me so everyone else will know that we are together . If you want , we can go to town next weekend and you can pick out a nice ring or , " Ed said while taking off his class ring , " you can have this . " Ed held the ring out to her and continued , " It 's too big for you … " Becky took the ring from him and said , " This is what I want , don 't worry I 'll make it fit . " Becky slid the ring on her big finger and made a fist so it wouldn 't fall off . She wrapped her arms around Ed again and hugged him as hard as she could and said , " Ed , I love you … Do you love me ? " Ed smiled to himself and said , " Becky , I 've been in love with you since the third grade . " That fall Ed invited Becky to his senior prom . With only five seniors in the school , tradition had it that the surrounding area all got together and had a prom with about twenty couples in attendance . After the prom Ed asked Becky , " What do you want to do ? " Becky said in a casual voice as she through her arms around him , " I want to make love to you . " Ed was surprised and asked , " Are you sure ? " " Yes Ed I 'm positive , I 'm ready to make love to you . " Ed looked at her dress and was trying to think of a place they could go where she wouldn 't get it dirty and ruin it . He watched as she reached into her purse and pulled out a key and showed it to Ed . " What 's that for ? " He asked . Becky grinned at him and said , " It 's the key to Karen 's house , she went home to visit her parents this weekend . " " Wow , ah … does Karen know that we 're going to be there ? " " Yes , " Becky smiled . As Ed pulled into the driveway Becky said . " Pull behind the house so no one sees the truck . " They walked into the house and Ed said , " I better call home and tell them I won 't be there . " Becky giggled and answered , " You don 't have to , they already know you aren 't going to be home tonight . " " Ed groaned , " Does everybody know what we 're going to do tonight ? " " No , " Becky said , " They think we 're going to an after party , sorry I lied to them . " That night Ed and Becky completed their bonding , they both lost their virginity to each other in a whirlwind exciting night where they both explored each other 's body . THE END The year after Becky graduated the Green family moved back to her family 's home as Mrs . Green became the heir to her father 's company . It was an exciting time for Ed and Becky , Ed proposed to Becky and of course she jumped into his arms telling he yes . The Anderson and the Johnson clans put the down payment and co - sighed for the Green farm as a wedding gift to them . After all , they wanted their grandchildren close by . Almost a year to the date after they were married Becky gave birth to Edward Thomas Johnson and about a year and a half after that Rebecca Lynn came along . The farm was making money and everything was going well until the dead of winter in the year after little Becky was born . Ed was climbing up the silo ladder when his foot slipped on an icy rung . His leg went in between the silo and the ladder and he lost his grip . With his leg jammed between the silo and ladder he fell backwards and became trapped upside down unable to pull himself free . Becky watched in horror from the kitchen window as the events unfolded . She called her mother screaming for help and put the children into a playpen and raced to Ed 's aid . She went up the ladder and put her shoulder behind Ed 's back and with all of her strength lifted him up until he was able to grab the ladder with his hands . She supported his weight while he used him good leg to climb back down to the ground . Ed was diagnosed with a hyper extended knee with torn ligaments . The doctor told him that it would take six months or more until he could walk without crutches . Ed was worried and told Becky while in the hospital that he didn 't know how the chores were going to get done . Becky told him not to worry that they had lots of friends . Up until Ed 's accident he didn 't know just how well respected and how many lives he had touched in his past . Ed and Becky 's family did all of the work for those first few days and when the community found out ; there was somebody there every day to help . Three weeks into Ed 's recovery Karen 's parents showed up telling them that they had taken three weeks of vacation and were there to help . The very day that the Allen 's left , the Peters family , who Ed had rescued when they became trapped in a blizzard , showed up with some vacation time to help out . Even the Green family came back and pitched in for a couple of long weekends . That summer on a nice warm Sunday afternoon , when Ed 's knee was healed to the point where he could walk without crRated 95 . 6 % | This is a wonderful story . Xnxx writers should learn that a story with so much sex can be compared to a cup of coffee with excess sugar . More grease to ya elbow , bro . Looking forward to more stories like this one ® YES / . THAT IS A STORY . who said that a story had to be sex - sex and more sex . other writers should read this and learn what a true story is .

Introduction : Transgendered story where a man at a funeral home gains a strange power to be the dead A funeral home is a place for death , but in a small town outside Richmond , until one Friday night . The phone rang at a little past two and he knew what it meant . Someone was dead . He took the information and thanked god that he didn 't have to go to a house tonight . He sat up and looked at his wife , got out of bed and slipped his suit on . He woke up once he got to the funeral home , brewed a cup of coffee , and prepped the hearse for the trek to the hospital thirty minutes later . I pulled the body from the cooler and transferred it onto the gurney . The nurse handed me a bag with the woman 's personal items , and I placed them on top of the body bag , and covered them both with the velvet cover with the funeral home embroidered across the side . Once back to the funeral home I took her into the prep room and unzipped the bag . She was an elderly black lady . I looked over her information and then looked at her personal items . I checked them off the list . Everything accounted for , although it probably should all be thrown out . Standard policy was to release the personal affects when we met with the family , so I stuck them with her and sat down to call the family . I got no answer . The next day I called , and then the next . There was no answer . We called the hospital and they could not find any records . It seemed she had just appeared in the hospital . Days went on , then a week . Finally after ten days , I made the call that I had always feared , but one that had to be done . After a discussion with the medical examiner , we had the body cremated and stored the ashes . It wasn 't till a week later that I noticed that we had forgotten to cremate her personal items . I took the bag to my desk and looked through her things . In it was a small stick , a tube made out of wood . Inside the tube was a piece of paper , very old . I took it out unrolled it and there was a script he had never seen and then what appeared to be a long list of names . They were newer as the list went on , and then finally , the newest was the name Gertrude Francis Wilfred . I set it down on my desk , pulled out a cooler sized bag that was locked at the top . Knowing no one would ever know , I got a screwdriver from the closet and broke the small travel lock . I opened the bag and saw the contents . I dropped the bag . It was money . Stacks and stacks of money . All hundreds . Wrapped with bankers tape . On top was a note : If you are reading this , then you are now the bearer of the secret and the gift . Fire has released my soul , you have read the ancient script , and now you have taken possession of my treasure . The transformation is complete . You have no choice in the matter . You will learn and figure out things as you progress , but remember you can provide life to those that pass , and a life for the one you deem most rewarding . You have one year to decide . I had no idea what this damn craziness was , but I knew a good deal when I saw one . A week went on before we had another death , and although I was not the funeral director , I did help get the lady dressed and in her casket . I looked at her once we got dressed and it looked like she actually was looking at me . It couldn 't have been . I helped cap her eyes , but I saw it . I saw her looking at me , but just as fast as she looked , she was back still , her eyes closed . I was completely freaked . I went home before the burial , and that night , after a few beers , alone in my living room , I thought about the lady , and then said her name . The room was a blur , and then I opened my eyes . I felt weak , small , and when I stood up , my pants fell off me . I looked at my legs and they were small and fragile , I felt hunched over . I panicked , and then walked as fast as I could to the bathroom . In the mirror was looking at the woman we just buried . I screamed , and then blacked out . When I woke up I was in severe pain and found myself lying on the floor . I had memories I didn 't recognize , and could barely move . I tried to stand but the pain was more severe . I thought hard . I thought about me . And I said this can 't be , I 'm Michael Dreason , and then the fog happened . I blinked , and there I was , my old self . I stood up easily , went to the kitchen and poured myself a full drink . I drank it fast , and then another . I drank until I felt sick , then went to the bedroom and passed out . The next day I called in and tried to figure out what was going on . I was scared shitless , scared that she might come back . Weeks past , with many more deaths , all of which I was there for or assisted with , I saw them all in ways others hadn 't , but then came the case of Shannon Williams . She had one living relative that flew out from Seattle to make the arrangements . He was an uncle , and told us how Shannon had gotten into the wrong crowd , had moved out eat with a boyfriend and then found herself alone . She came to us after she was gang rapped and then shot in I rushed home as fast as I could . I rushed inside and even before the door was closed , I said her name . After a brief black out , I opened my eyes , her eyes . My suit draped on me . My feet were lost in the shoes . My pants pulled down , but held on my hips . I stepped out of the shoes , and almost fell forward because of the length of the pants , but I soon unbuttoned , unzipped , and dropped them to the floor . I got a glimpse of the smooth fit legs I now had . I rushed to the bathroom . I had to see . I flicked on the light and stood gazing at myself . I had long blond hair , high cheekbones , and very sensual lips . My eyes were a very light blue , mesmerizing . I was beyond beautiful . Images flashed through my head . It was like I was remembering being this person . I walked into the bedroom and dropped my jacked and started undoing the buttons on my shirt . I knew I had weight on my chest , but this was ridiculous . As I unbuttoned , I saw the size of them . They hung like tear drops but they didn 't sag . They were enormous but hung high on my chest . My areolas were wide , a soft red , with wide nipples that protruded nicely in the cold air . I lay naked on the bed and felt the weight of my breasts sway and then settle , pancake on my chest . I felt them . Soft but firm . My skin was amazing . I played like that for a while , feeling them move and react to my touch . I journeyed south as soon as I felt the moistness from my touch . When I reached the junction of my legs , I found no hair , and as I slid my lips apart and gently passed my finger over the pink wet folds of my pussy , I knew that I had never experienced pleasure as a man . I inserted a finger , then two , and moved then in and out , bringing them out to my clit and pushing against it in a circular motion . I felt a heat building . I suddenly began thinking things I never would have before . I wanted a dick inside me . I wanted it bad . I had never thought about guys as a man , but now the urges were severe . As I thought about it , I picked up the pace . All the images of dicks close up were fogI lay naked in bed with a massive dick in my hand . I realized . I was Mr . Jackson , this man that died in a car accident . We had him at the funeral home the week before , and we made comments that he had the biggest dick we had either seen . We made horse comments . He wasn 't that attractive , but he had to have beaten them off with a stick if his funeral was anything to say about it . We had seen his dick soft and then thing had to have measured 7 inches soft , but now , hard in my hand the pole had to be a foot long . It was massive . Not as thick as a gel shaving can , but close , the damn thing couldn 't possibly fuck a woman . Where would they put it , I have no idea . But I was turned on , but the thoughts were slowly changing . When I first had my hand on my dick I was thinking about it fucking me , as Shannon , but now I was jacking this massive dick to the thought of fucking Shannon ; I was thinking about fucking me . It was when I thought about fucking her tits , did I blow , and holy shit how I blew . I stream of cum shot to my face , the second hit my face as well , with a third landing on my chest and a few more onto my stomach . The volume was astonishing . Already it was starting to run down on my sides and chin . My hand still slowly milked my huge cock , white foaming cum coating my hand and dick . " Damn that Shannon . . . . " and the darkness came over me . I lay in bed naked , but I was Shannon , those beautiful pancaked breasts giggled with my movement . There was no dick , no cum , all that had gone , and I lay in bed thinking about the possibilities of it all . There was no way I could be Mr . Jackson . People knew him , and it was highly probable that if I went out on the town as Mr . Jackson , then it was clear that someone was going to have a heart attack . But Shannon wasn 't from around here . She didn 't know anyone and her family is long gone . I wasn 't going to flaunt it , but it would be safe if I just happened to go out . I spent the rest of the night as her . And the next night after work . I said her name the moment I walked in my door . For a week I was her more of my time than I was me . I slept as her , showered as her , ate as her . I loved the way it felt just to sit down . To feel her / my breasts move as I walked , but after a week , being naked felt too exposed and none of my old clothes worked . The problem was that I was having a hard time figuring out what I wanted her to wear . I was too recently a man to think of the frilly female attire , but that is what I needed as a woman . When I thought about it as a man , I couldn 't bring myself to going to buy a bras and panties , but I knew there were basics that were needed . I decided on a plan . I would have to buy a bra , but I would go to store and get one , some sweats and a tee shirt and I could go back as her to get everything else . The problem came when I had to figure out sizes . I had no clue how big my breasts were . I got online and searched for a way to measure myself , and after a quick Google search , I figured it out . I measured under my breasts . This was a bit harder than I thought . It 's hard to hold them both up and get the tape around you . I measured just past 30 " , but according to the site I had to add 4 so a 34 . I recognized that number from girl friends bra . I then measured around again but this time with the tape over my nipple . Just over 41 " . I tried on my lingerie for an hour . I put every pair on , walked and saw myself in the mirror . I only had one bra , but I quickly learned I would need more and other options . Then I got dressed . I put my garters on and attached my stockings , I slipped on a matching thong . They didn 't exactly match my bra , but they were close enough . I slipped a dress on and adjusted it , but then figured it wasn 't sexy enough . I then pulled out a black skit that I loved the feel of . It was tight , but loosened as it came down , hugging , but loose enough to provide flow . I pulled a tank top on and looked in the mirror . I had more cleavage than I had ever seen . There was no way . I pulled it off and replaced it with a button up sleeveless blouse . It cut low to show cleavage and stretched past my breasts to my stomach . I looked in the mirror . I looked like the classic clubbing girl , and when I stepped in the heels I bought , the look was complete . No one would ever doubt that I was a woman . All woman . I was smoking hot . Before I even knew what I was doing , I was walking out of my door . I drove for a while , getting use to what I was wearing , my size , but then I found myself heading towards a bar that I always wondered about . It was definitely a younger crowd , down by the university , so I never really felt comfortable . I was never really in that crowd when I was in school . I parked the car and decided , why not . I walked in the door , and didn 't realize that I didn 't even bring my ID , not that it would have done me any good , not to mention a means of paying for anything . Sitting down at the bar itself was an experience . I had to lean back against it and then push myself up to keep from showing the room my crotch . It was amazing to be a woman in the middle of the room and everyone see you for that . It was like being able to hide completely behind a wall and just look out on what everyone was doing with no one knowing you were there . I sat and then reached around for a bag or a wallet or something . The confused look must have been unders " Well some young girls got big boobs , don 't let em fool ya . " I said it without even thinking . " Well they don 't have em that big . Damn . " He looked at me . I was stunned . I couldn 't muster a come back . I turned toward the bar and took the drink . He looked at me , " you drink that , and you pass the test . " I looked at the drink . It was straight something , then I pulled it to my nose . Scotch . My favorite . I sipped it . Then smiled at him . I wouldn 't waste a scotch by inhaling it . " Thank you . " I looked at him . He was starring at me . He didn 't say anything . I turned back away from him and took another sip . We began talking after a moment , and then another drink came . Time went by and we drank more , and talked about everything I loved talking about . He was interested in football , and we talked some baseball . We talked about politics , and he actually seemed interested in what I was saying . Before I knew I was drunk . I struggled off the seat towards him , and did stumble a bit , which he noticed . " Easy cowgirl " is all I heard as I made my way towards the bathrooms . I hadn 't even told him I was going . I was drunk all right . Really drunk . This body was just too small , too different . Drunk I was aware of my every strange movement . If I had been a man inside looking out of a woman 's body , now I was a drunk man inside a drunk woman 's body . I struggled to make it through the pee experience . When I got back , he looked at me and asked if I was ok . " I 'm sorry , just drank a bit too much too fast . Not use to it . " It sounded good , but there was a part of me that wanted to stay out and party . I wanted to do the clubbing thing , feel the party . Get wasted . He pulled my arm to guide the way , and I could feel the drunk getting stronger . He opened a car door for me , and I got in and struggled to get the seat belt on me . I struggled to stay with it , and I must have passed out a bit , because when I opened my eyes he was opening the door for me again . I followed him up stairs and then into a room where I sat down on a couch and he left the room . He came back in the room with two beers , and he handed me one . " Its enough to keep it going without making it much worse . " I took it and drank a sip . The coldness of the beer brought me back to the moment . He sat beside me and started talking to me again . I was zoning in and out , drunk much more than I had been in a long time . I struggled to stay with it . He had to know I 'm drunk as shit , and then its when it hit me . This was his place , I was hot , and I know what he 's wanting to do . But damn I was drunk . I started analyzing it in my head . Did I really want to do this ? Was it like gay if I did this ? I mean I think I could let him fuck me , but I don 't know if I could like go down on him or something . That 's just too close I think . I don 't know . I went over and over in my head about it . Thinking about what it would mean if I did that , and I noticed , just then , that he had stopped talking , and his hand was on my thigh . My mind came to a halt . And I don 't know why , but I opened my mouth . " I don 't think I can suck your dick , but I might be ok with fucking . " I was horrified . I tried to change it , make it right , but those words sent him in motion . He was kissing me before I knew what was happening . His lips took mine , and his tongue flicked mine . His left hand reached over and grabbed my right breast , and immediately , the drunk was joined by another sensation . I was getting turned on . I knew it . He grabbed and moved my breast , and before long he was under my shirt , circling my nipple with his fingers . They were rock hard to his touch , and the hole time he was kissing me . I responded the best I could , and to keep my balance , I reached down to brace myself on him . When I did , I put my hand on his thigh , and felt his semi hard cock . I halted everything . " Don 't worry . It won 't bite . " I didn 't change anything . I let him kiss me . He rubbed my chest . He stopped kissing me for a moment , which I then found out , was because he was trying to lift my shirt over my head . I quickly corrected him , unbuttoned , and then quickly found myself without a shirt on . I sat there in my bra , impressive I must admit , but sitting there with this stranger . Before I knew it he was attacking my chest . My tits were out of my bra in no time and the straps had fallen down my arms . I leaned back and enjoyed the sensation of him sucking on my nipples . It was unlike anything I had felt . I felt my skirt being pulled up , and instinctively , in the moment , I spread my legs . His fingers almost immediately found the front on my thong and began pulled up my slit . I felt his fingers try and force my panties into me and pushed hard when he got to my clit . Once there , he pushed back down into the valley , and the pulled back and continued . I was soaked in no time . If I doubted my thoughts before , it was all I could think of now . He started kissing me again , pulling back , and with his withdrawal , I came with him . To brace myself , I almost fell in his lap . I found myself almost on his thigh , leaning over him to kiss him . My bra soon came off , and his hands were massaging them with vigor . He interrupted me a moment to remove his shirt , and then pushed away with me to pull down his pants . I noticed it all , but I was lost in a haze of horniness and intoxication . I looked down at his dick . It was hard and large . Much larger than my dick was . It was thick , and had a big head , and he caught me looking at it . Before I knew what I was doing , I was pushing off him and getting on my knees on the carpet . I was less than graceful , but at the moment all I wanted to do was see what sucking a dick was like . It had to be the body and the alcohol . In no time I was face to face with his dick . I paused not knowing if I could do it , and in an attempt to control it , maybe stop it , I reached up and grabbed it around the shaft . My hand barely circled it , andI realized what he was doing , and I swallowed . " No its fine . " I pulled my hand to my face to rub my mouth , but he caught my hand , reached over and kissed me . He concentrated on the edges of my mouth , licked his cum from my face and kissed me again . The taste of cum was heavy in my mouth , and him kissing me increased the turn on that much more . He broke with my mouth , and stood up . When he stood , he got behind me and pulled me up . As I stood , with his guidance and support , he rubbed my belly onto my tit and my eyes went shut with the wave of electricity that shot through my body . It was on fire . Once standing , he wasted no time . In removing everything . He stood in front me , both of us naked , and his grabbed me and kissed me . I felt his flaccid dick press against me , his lips attack mine , and his hands work their way over my back , pushing to my ass and back . He pushed me onto my back and my tits violently pulled down slapping my stomach as I hit the couch . Before I knew it , his mouth was on my opening . I became really self conscious , but then once his tongue moved up and down my slit the first time , all I could think of was what was happening . I nearly passed out from him licking me . The feeling was so intense , and just when I thought it would get no better , I felt a tenseness take my body , a heat increase between my legs and then and explosion within me . My body took over . I bucked , my cheat shot up , and I felt my nipples get so hard it almost hurt . I continued to buck and he struggled with keeping his mouth on my pussy . When I finally settled , my body was Jell - O , but as he stood up , I could tell , he was anything but . His dick stood at full attention . He didn 't ask my permission . He didn 't pause for a response to his movement . He pulled my ass to the edge of the couch . Bent his knees almost into a catcher 's position , and put the head of his dick right into my pussy . My body bucked again as he entered me . I felt myself separate and grip his hard dick . He pushed further and further into me , and I felt myself resist . I was in his control , and I felt the total surrender as I felt I could take more inside me . He paused , then pushed forward again . He pulled out and got on his knees and then entered me again . I felt the void when he withdrew and the pleasure of it being back inside me when he reentered . This time he pushed all the way into me , and as he did , he stopped , grabbed both my tits " Oh , well who is this ? When will she be back ? Can I just come see her ? " Without a thought , I gave him the address , he thanked me , and I hung up . I turned the TV on naked and drifted off , fat and happy . I woke with a knock on the door . I panicked at first , but that was only because I was naked . I shook of the confusion , and ran to the bathroom where I grabbed my robe and threw it on and looked through the peephole . There he stood . I was excited and scared . Before I knew what I was doing , I opened the door . I was actually excited to see him . " Oh you must be the guy that I talked to on the phone . Is … um , " he paused . " No , but I mean , I 'm , " I paused . I couldn 't say what our relationship was . He would have a heart attack . " She 's my sister . " " Oh , she went out of town for the night . My mom is visiting friends that live about 50 miles from here … well you don 't care about that . She 's just not going to be back until tomorrow . " " Sure , whatever . " I was having mixed feelings . It was like what I felt when I was here was lingering , and this was a turning point in my life . One that I wouldn 't know until much later . I got us beers , and we sat on the couch in silence . The sight was strange , at best . He sitting there dressed to impress , me in a bathrobe . He asked me question after question about my " sister . " He wanted to know what she did , what she liked , if she had been in relationships , etc . , and with every question I invented a life for her . We went through two beers , and then a third , and the conversation turned to him , what his life was like , what he did for a living , and soon , the seal needed to be broken . I got up and went to the bathroom , and when I walked out of the bathroom and made my way to the living room , I didn 't find him there . I looked in the kitchen , and then walked down the hall , past the front door , and into the back of the house where my bedroom and the extra bedroom was . " So you gave up your room for her ? " I had peaked around the door to my bedroom and he was standing at the edge of the bed with a bra in his hands . " Dude , I know she 's your sister , but she is the hottest woman I have ever seen . Damn . Her body is smoking . " " Crazy . Yeah I guess so . " He turned his head toward me , threw the bra back on the edge of the bed , and I saw his eyes go up and down my body . If was I wasn 't mistaken , he was checking me out . He looked back at the bed and saw the clothes he had removed from me the night before , " So when will she be back ? " " Might want to check that robe . " He motioned his hands as if to say I should close curtains . I looked down in horror . I had not closed my robe when I got out of the bathroom , and to top it off , I was semi hard . I had a strange attraction to him , not that I wanted him sexually , but I had a need to be near him . I felt drawn to him . It was clear he had seen my state of arousal . I was in shock . I didn 't know what was going on . Twice in two days , I found myself like a deer in the head lights . Time went by slowly , and I could hear nothing . I saw his mouth move , I saw his hands go to his crotch and unzip his jeans and pull his soft dick out the opening . He didn 't command me to come over . He didn 't motion or do anything , not at least from what I remember . I went to him immediately . He stood at the corner of my bed , and I took my place on my knees between his legs , and without hesitation , I took his flaccid cock in my mouth . It was smaller than I remembered from the night before , but as I moved on it , its soft skin and flexible dick moving with my pressure , it began to grow in no time . I took my hands and tried my best to undo the button on his jeans without pulling his cock from my mouth . I got it undone , and pulled his cock from my mouth only as long as it took to get his dick back through his boxers and his boxers over his cock and down to the floor . He stepped out of them , and I attacked his cock . I reached around him and took his ass in my hands , pulling his cock into my mouth . I would have never imagined I would have been doing this a week ago , but like last night , at that moment , it was all I wanted . I licked his balls , and after a few minutes , I could tell he couldn 't stand anymore . I pushed him back on the bed , and put my arms on his thighs and went back to sucking . It was Zen like with the kind of peace that took me over with his cock in my mouth . I felt the head , his thickness , the overwhelming size in my mouth . I went deeper than I had the night before and wanted more . I couldn 't get it all the way in , but I tried my best , trying to force it past the back of my throat , with little success . When he put his hands on the back of my head and began controlling my movements , I knew he was ready to blow . He was against the back of my throat when he blew his load . The force was familiar and instantly got me so excited that if there were a hand on my cock , I would have blown as well . It surged in my mouth , and as I pulled off him another blast took place in my mouth . His cum pooled at the sidesI felt the head of his cock on my opening first . He held it there and moved it up and down with his hand , getting the lotion all over , and then he settled back on my hole . He pushed slightly , and the thickness of him finally became apparent . He entered me with no resistance , but the thickness of his fingers and cock were two different things . In no time , he was past the point where he fingers had been , and the fullness was overwhelming . I told him to stop , and as he came to a stop with his movement , the size of him seemed bigger . I could feel his heart beat in his cock . I didn 't tell him to start up again , but after a good 30 seconds , he pushed in even more . I couldn 't see but it felt like he had 10 inches in me . When he kept going and I suddenly opened up , almost sucking his cock in , he surged forward what seemed like another 10 inches , and his body came against mine . I couldn 't say anything . I was out of breath , I felt like I had a telephone pole in my ass . All I could utter was , " don 't move . " I felt my ass spread like it had never been spread . It felt like someone 's arm was inside me . I tried to relax , but it was hard . He didn 't start . A minute passed . He rubbed my back and ass . Then it happened . My ass seemed to completely let go . I didn 't feel the urge to squeeze down . It was almost like I couldn 't . He obviously felt it too , because he started moving just a little bit . First it was an inch or so , just barely moving in me , and then testing the waters , he started moving more and more . Before I new it , he was taking his cock almost all the way out and then moving in me . After a few minutes of slowly moving in me , he took his dick all the way out and then pushed all the way back in me . He removed him self a half dozen times , making me almost beg for him to stick it back in me . When he left me , there was a void that needed to be filled , something that needed to be completed , but after his short departures from my ass , once he was in to stay , he wasn 't moving slowly . He began fucking me hard , taking his dick almost all the way out , leaving his head in , but then slamming into my ass , my cheeks taking the force of his thrusts , and my ass hole receiving the length of his cock . I grunted with his fucking . Without warning , I came . I wasn 't hard , but his fucking caused me to squirt on the mattress . I couldn 't do anything about it . He raised my ass and grabbed my hips , and began fucking me harder than before . Harder than I thought was possible . I screamed , he kept fucking . I screamed again and again . He stopped fucking , and pulled his dick from me . I could feel how wide my ass was spread , and then he pulled me on my side . He reentered me on my side , and with he reentry , my head bucked backwards and the heat in my ass returned . The filling feeling was amazing . As he fucked me like that , I thought about the night before , and was amazed at how different the two feelings were . I could feel the full length of him moving . Last night there was much less pressure . He reached around and grabbed my soft dick " Give me that girly clit , or I 'll have to punish you . " I released him hand from his , and he grabbed my dick . I fucked me with a rhythm that matched his hand 's movement on my cock . Amazingly , my dick started to respond . When I was fully hard , he pulled me completely on my back , his dick still in me . He pulled my legs up on his shoulder , shifted my ass over the edge , and then grabbed my cock . He continued his movements , this time harder , and jacked my dick with force . I told him I was getting ready to cum , and he began fucking me hard and almost pulling my dick off . My arms shot to the side and pushed down on the bed . At that moment , he thrust his dick all the way in me and was still . He took both hands and jacked my dick hard , and I came . There was almost no cum , but enough to flow down his fingers . Once I was done cumming , he took his hands and forced me to lick the cum off . Once I was done cleaning his hands , he grabbed my calves , and pushed my ass up in the air more . He commanded me to hold my legs back , and he grabbed the upper front of my thighs like handles . With that he began fucking me harder than he had at any other time . The force was terrific , and it felt like his dick was in my chest cavity . I began grunting when he fucked , but as he continued it turned into a low grumble and accompanied with a complete lack of my lower half . I was a receptacle . It must have been what he was going for , because at that moment , I felt him release in me . It was followed by a large glottal moan . He paused for a second and another shot was released , but then the fucking began with vigor . He fucked hard and the wetness of his cum in my ass could be heard through the splashing . He continued to cum inside me , and it was only when he collapsed on me , his dick finally still , that I knew he was done . He remained there for at least a minute , maybe two . I was a completely zombie . Fucked till I couldn 't move or comprehend reality . His soft dick slid out of my ass without either of initiating the event , but once it happened , he stood back quickly , got dressed without me noticing , and " I 'll leave you my number on the table , how bout you or her give me a call . " With that he left , and I lie there and felt his cum leaking out of my ass . I tried to think about what had occurred , but I felt a huge rush of shame come over me . I can 't believe I just let that happen . I felt like I was going to be sick . Me , let a guy fuck me . I was gay . I almost started crying . My ass hurt . Then I thought about her , and said what I could only say at that moment , " Shannon Williams . " Read 23766 times |

Introduction : Transgendered story where a man at a funeral home gains a strange power to be the dead A funeral home is a place for death , but in a small town outside Richmond , until one Friday night . The phone rang at a little past two and he knew what it meant . Someone was dead . He took the information and thanked god that he didn 't have to go to a house tonight . He sat up and looked at his wife , got out of bed and slipped his suit on . He woke up once he got to the funeral home , brewed a cup of coffee , and prepped the hearse for the trek to the hospital thirty minutes later . I pulled the body from the cooler and transferred it onto the gurney . The nurse handed me a bag with the woman 's personal items , and I placed them on top of the body bag , and covered them both with the velvet cover with the funeral home embroidered across the side . Once back to the funeral home I took her into the prep room and unzipped the bag . She was an elderly black lady . I looked over her information and then looked at her personal items . I checked them off the list . Everything accounted for , although it probably should all be thrown out . Standard policy was to release the personal affects when we met with the family , so I stuck them with her and sat down to call the family . I got no answer . The next day I called , and then the next . There was no answer . We called the hospital and they could not find any records . It seemed she had just appeared in the hospital . Days went on , then a week . Finally after ten days , I made the call that I had always feared , but one that had to be done . After a discussion with the medical examiner , we had the body cremated and stored the ashes . It wasn 't till a week later that I noticed that we had forgotten to cremate her personal items . I took the bag to my desk and looked through her things . In it was a small stick , a tube made out of wood . Inside the tube was a piece of paper , very old . I took it out unrolled it and there was a script he had never seen and then what appeared to be a long list of names . They were newer as the list went on , and then finally , the newest was the name Gertrude Francis Wilfred . I set it down on my desk , pulled out a cooler sized bag that was locked at the top . Knowing no one would ever know , I got a screwdriver from the closet and broke the small travel lock . I opened the bag and saw the contents . I dropped the bag . It was money . Stacks and stacks of money . All hundreds . Wrapped with bankers tape . On top was a note : If you are reading this , then you are now the bearer of the secret and the gift . Fire has released my soul , you have read the ancient script , and now you have taken possession of my treasure . The transformation is complete . You have no choice in the matter . You will learn and figure out things as you progress , but remember you can provide life to those that pass , and a life for the one you deem most rewarding . You have one year to decide . I had no idea what this damn craziness was , but I knew a good deal when I saw one . A week went on before we had another death , and although I was not the funeral director , I did help get the lady dressed and in her casket . I looked at her once we got dressed and it looked like she actually was looking at me . It couldn 't have been . I helped cap her eyes , but I saw it . I saw her looking at me , but just as fast as she looked , she was back still , her eyes closed . I was completely freaked . I went home before the burial , and that night , after a few beers , alone in my living room , I thought about the lady , and then said her name . The room was a blur , and then I opened my eyes . I felt weak , small , and when I stood up , my pants fell off me . I looked at my legs and they were small and fragile , I felt hunched over . I panicked , and then walked as fast as I could to the bathroom . In the mirror was looking at the woman we just buried . I screamed , and then blacked out . When I woke up I was in severe pain and found myself lying on the floor . I had memories I didn 't recognize , and could barely move . I tried to stand but the pain was more severe . I thought hard . I thought about me . And I said this can 't be , I 'm Michael Dreason , and then the fog happened . I blinked , and there I was , my old self . I stood up easily , went to the kitchen and poured myself a full drink . I drank it fast , and then another . I drank until I felt sick , then went to the bedroom and passed out . The next day I called in and tried to figure out what was going on . I was scared shitless , scared that she might come back . Weeks past , with many more deaths , all of which I was there for or assisted with , I saw them all in ways others hadn 't , but then came the case of Shannon Williams . She had one living relative that flew out from Seattle to make the arrangements . He was an uncle , and told us how Shannon had gotten into the wrong crowd , had moved out eat with a boyfriend and then found herself alone . She came to us after she was gang rapped and then shot in I rushed home as fast as I could . I rushed inside and even before the door was closed , I said her name . After a brief black out , I opened my eyes , her eyes . My suit draped on me . My feet were lost in the shoes . My pants pulled down , but held on my hips . I stepped out of the shoes , and almost fell forward because of the length of the pants , but I soon unbuttoned , unzipped , and dropped them to the floor . I got a glimpse of the smooth fit legs I now had . I rushed to the bathroom . I had to see . I flicked on the light and stood gazing at myself . I had long blond hair , high cheekbones , and very sensual lips . My eyes were a very light blue , mesmerizing . I was beyond beautiful . Images flashed through my head . It was like I was remembering being this person . I walked into the bedroom and dropped my jacked and started undoing the buttons on my shirt . I knew I had weight on my chest , but this was ridiculous . As I unbuttoned , I saw the size of them . They hung like tear drops but they didn 't sag . They were enormous but hung high on my chest . My areolas were wide , a soft red , with wide nipples that protruded nicely in the cold air . I lay naked on the bed and felt the weight of my breasts sway and then settle , pancake on my chest . I felt them . Soft but firm . My skin was amazing . I played like that for a while , feeling them move and react to my touch . I journeyed south as soon as I felt the moistness from my touch . When I reached the junction of my legs , I found no hair , and as I slid my lips apart and gently passed my finger over the pink wet folds of my pussy , I knew that I had never experienced pleasure as a man . I inserted a finger , then two , and moved then in and out , bringing them out to my clit and pushing against it in a circular motion . I felt a heat building . I suddenly began thinking things I never would have before . I wanted a dick inside me . I wanted it bad . I had never thought about guys as a man , but now the urges were severe . As I thought about it , I picked up the pace . All the images of dicks close up were fogI lay naked in bed with a massive dick in my hand . I realized . I was Mr . Jackson , this man that died in a car accident . We had him at the funeral home the week before , and we made comments that he had the biggest dick we had either seen . We made horse comments . He wasn 't that attractive , but he had to have beaten them off with a stick if his funeral was anything to say about it . We had seen his dick soft and then thing had to have measured 7 inches soft , but now , hard in my hand the pole had to be a foot long . It was massive . Not as thick as a gel shaving can , but close , the damn thing couldn 't possibly fuck a woman . Where would they put it , I have no idea . But I was turned on , but the thoughts were slowly changing . When I first had my hand on my dick I was thinking about it fucking me , as Shannon , but now I was jacking this massive dick to the thought of fucking Shannon ; I was thinking about fucking me . It was when I thought about fucking her tits , did I blow , and holy shit how I blew . I stream of cum shot to my face , the second hit my face as well , with a third landing on my chest and a few more onto my stomach . The volume was astonishing . Already it was starting to run down on my sides and chin . My hand still slowly milked my huge cock , white foaming cum coating my hand and dick . " Damn that Shannon . . . . " and the darkness came over me . I lay in bed naked , but I was Shannon , those beautiful pancaked breasts giggled with my movement . There was no dick , no cum , all that had gone , and I lay in bed thinking about the possibilities of it all . There was no way I could be Mr . Jackson . People knew him , and it was highly probable that if I went out on the town as Mr . Jackson , then it was clear that someone was going to have a heart attack . But Shannon wasn 't from around here . She didn 't know anyone and her family is long gone . I wasn 't going to flaunt it , but it would be safe if I just happened to go out . I spent the rest of the night as her . And the next night after work . I said her name the moment I walked in my door . For a week I was her more of my time than I was me . I slept as her , showered as her , ate as her . I loved the way it felt just to sit down . To feel her / my breasts move as I walked , but after a week , being naked felt too exposed and none of my old clothes worked . The problem was that I was having a hard time figuring out what I wanted her to wear . I was too recently a man to think of the frilly female attire , but that is what I needed as a woman . When I thought about it as a man , I couldn 't bring myself to going to buy a bras and panties , but I knew there were basics that were needed . I decided on a plan . I would have to buy a bra , but I would go to store and get one , some sweats and a tee shirt and I could go back as her to get everything else . The problem came when I had to figure out sizes . I had no clue how big my breasts were . I got online and searched for a way to measure myself , and after a quick Google search , I figured it out . I measured under my breasts . This was a bit harder than I thought . It 's hard to hold them both up and get the tape around you . I measured just past 30 " , but according to the site I had to add 4 so a 34 . I recognized that number from girl friends bra . I then measured around again but this time with the tape over my nipple . Just over 41 " . I tried on my lingerie for an hour . I put every pair on , walked and saw myself in the mirror . I only had one bra , but I quickly learned I would need more and other options . Then I got dressed . I put my garters on and attached my stockings , I slipped on a matching thong . They didn 't exactly match my bra , but they were close enough . I slipped a dress on and adjusted it , but then figured it wasn 't sexy enough . I then pulled out a black skit that I loved the feel of . It was tight , but loosened as it came down , hugging , but loose enough to provide flow . I pulled a tank top on and looked in the mirror . I had more cleavage than I had ever seen . There was no way . I pulled it off and replaced it with a button up sleeveless blouse . It cut low to show cleavage and stretched past my breasts to my stomach . I looked in the mirror . I looked like the classic clubbing girl , and when I stepped in the heels I bought , the look was complete . No one would ever doubt that I was a woman . All woman . I was smoking hot . Before I even knew what I was doing , I was walking out of my door . I drove for a while , getting use to what I was wearing , my size , but then I found myself heading towards a bar that I always wondered about . It was definitely a younger crowd , down by the university , so I never really felt comfortable . I was never really in that crowd when I was in school . I parked the car and decided , why not . I walked in the door , and didn 't realize that I didn 't even bring my ID , not that it would have done me any good , not to mention a means of paying for anything . Sitting down at the bar itself was an experience . I had to lean back against it and then push myself up to keep from showing the room my crotch . It was amazing to be a woman in the middle of the room and everyone see you for that . It was like being able to hide completely behind a wall and just look out on what everyone was doing with no one knowing you were there . I sat and then reached around for a bag or a wallet or something . The confused look must have been unders " Well some young girls got big boobs , don 't let em fool ya . " I said it without even thinking . " Well they don 't have em that big . Damn . " He looked at me . I was stunned . I couldn 't muster a come back . I turned toward the bar and took the drink . He looked at me , " you drink that , and you pass the test . " I looked at the drink . It was straight something , then I pulled it to my nose . Scotch . My favorite . I sipped it . Then smiled at him . I wouldn 't waste a scotch by inhaling it . " Thank you . " I looked at him . He was starring at me . He didn 't say anything . I turned back away from him and took another sip . We began talking after a moment , and then another drink came . Time went by and we drank more , and talked about everything I loved talking about . He was interested in football , and we talked some baseball . We talked about politics , and he actually seemed interested in what I was saying . Before I knew I was drunk . I struggled off the seat towards him , and did stumble a bit , which he noticed . " Easy cowgirl " is all I heard as I made my way towards the bathrooms . I hadn 't even told him I was going . I was drunk all right . Really drunk . This body was just too small , too different . Drunk I was aware of my every strange movement . If I had been a man inside looking out of a woman 's body , now I was a drunk man inside a drunk woman 's body . I struggled to make it through the pee experience . When I got back , he looked at me and asked if I was ok . " I 'm sorry , just drank a bit too much too fast . Not use to it . " It sounded good , but there was a part of me that wanted to stay out and party . I wanted to do the clubbing thing , feel the party . Get wasted . He pulled my arm to guide the way , and I could feel the drunk getting stronger . He opened a car door for me , and I got in and struggled to get the seat belt on me . I struggled to stay with it , and I must have passed out a bit , because when I opened my eyes he was opening the door for me again . I followed him up stairs and then into a room where I sat down on a couch and he left the room . He came back in the room with two beers , and he handed me one . " Its enough to keep it going without making it much worse . " I took it and drank a sip . The coldness of the beer brought me back to the moment . He sat beside me and started talking to me again . I was zoning in and out , drunk much more than I had been in a long time . I struggled to stay with it . He had to know I 'm drunk as shit , and then its when it hit me . This was his place , I was hot , and I know what he 's wanting to do . But damn I was drunk . I started analyzing it in my head . Did I really want to do this ? Was it like gay if I did this ? I mean I think I could let him fuck me , but I don 't know if I could like go down on him or something . That 's just too close I think . I don 't know . I went over and over in my head about it . Thinking about what it would mean if I did that , and I noticed , just then , that he had stopped talking , and his hand was on my thigh . My mind came to a halt . And I don 't know why , but I opened my mouth . " I don 't think I can suck your dick , but I might be ok with fucking . " I was horrified . I tried to change it , make it right , but those words sent him in motion . He was kissing me before I knew what was happening . His lips took mine , and his tongue flicked mine . His left hand reached over and grabbed my right breast , and immediately , the drunk was joined by another sensation . I was getting turned on . I knew it . He grabbed and moved my breast , and before long he was under my shirt , circling my nipple with his fingers . They were rock hard to his touch , and the hole time he was kissing me . I responded the best I could , and to keep my balance , I reached down to brace myself on him . When I did , I put my hand on his thigh , and felt his semi hard cock . I halted everything . " Don 't worry . It won 't bite . " I didn 't change anything . I let him kiss me . He rubbed my chest . He stopped kissing me for a moment , which I then found out , was because he was trying to lift my shirt over my head . I quickly corrected him , unbuttoned , and then quickly found myself without a shirt on . I sat there in my bra , impressive I must admit , but sitting there with this stranger . Before I knew it he was attacking my chest . My tits were out of my bra in no time and the straps had fallen down my arms . I leaned back and enjoyed the sensation of him sucking on my nipples . It was unlike anything I had felt . I felt my skirt being pulled up , and instinctively , in the moment , I spread my legs . His fingers almost immediately found the front on my thong and began pulled up my slit . I felt his fingers try and force my panties into me and pushed hard when he got to my clit . Once there , he pushed back down into the valley , and the pulled back and continued . I was soaked in no time . If I doubted my thoughts before , it was all I could think of now . He started kissing me again , pulling back , and with his withdrawal , I came with him . To brace myself , I almost fell in his lap . I found myself almost on his thigh , leaning over him to kiss him . My bra soon came off , and his hands were massaging them with vigor . He interrupted me a moment to remove his shirt , and then pushed away with me to pull down his pants . I noticed it all , but I was lost in a haze of horniness and intoxication . I looked down at his dick . It was hard and large . Much larger than my dick was . It was thick , and had a big head , and he caught me looking at it . Before I knew what I was doing , I was pushing off him and getting on my knees on the carpet . I was less than graceful , but at the moment all I wanted to do was see what sucking a dick was like . It had to be the body and the alcohol . In no time I was face to face with his dick . I paused not knowing if I could do it , and in an attempt to control it , maybe stop it , I reached up and grabbed it around the shaft . My hand barely circled it , andI realized what he was doing , and I swallowed . " No its fine . " I pulled my hand to my face to rub my mouth , but he caught my hand , reached over and kissed me . He concentrated on the edges of my mouth , licked his cum from my face and kissed me again . The taste of cum was heavy in my mouth , and him kissing me increased the turn on that much more . He broke with my mouth , and stood up . When he stood , he got behind me and pulled me up . As I stood , with his guidance and support , he rubbed my belly onto my tit and my eyes went shut with the wave of electricity that shot through my body . It was on fire . Once standing , he wasted no time . In removing everything . He stood in front me , both of us naked , and his grabbed me and kissed me . I felt his flaccid dick press against me , his lips attack mine , and his hands work their way over my back , pushing to my ass and back . He pushed me onto my back and my tits violently pulled down slapping my stomach as I hit the couch . Before I knew it , his mouth was on my opening . I became really self conscious , but then once his tongue moved up and down my slit the first time , all I could think of was what was happening . I nearly passed out from him licking me . The feeling was so intense , and just when I thought it would get no better , I felt a tenseness take my body , a heat increase between my legs and then and explosion within me . My body took over . I bucked , my cheat shot up , and I felt my nipples get so hard it almost hurt . I continued to buck and he struggled with keeping his mouth on my pussy . When I finally settled , my body was Jell - O , but as he stood up , I could tell , he was anything but . His dick stood at full attention . He didn 't ask my permission . He didn 't pause for a response to his movement . He pulled my ass to the edge of the couch . Bent his knees almost into a catcher 's position , and put the head of his dick right into my pussy . My body bucked again as he entered me . I felt myself separate and grip his hard dick . He pushed further and further into me , and I felt myself resist . I was in his control , and I felt the total surrender as I felt I could take more inside me . He paused , then pushed forward again . He pulled out and got on his knees and then entered me again . I felt the void when he withdrew and the pleasure of it being back inside me when he reentered . This time he pushed all the way into me , and as he did , he stopped , grabbed both my tits " Oh , well who is this ? When will she be back ? Can I just come see her ? " Without a thought , I gave him the address , he thanked me , and I hung up . I turned the TV on naked and drifted off , fat and happy . I woke with a knock on the door . I panicked at first , but that was only because I was naked . I shook of the confusion , and ran to the bathroom where I grabbed my robe and threw it on and looked through the peephole . There he stood . I was excited and scared . Before I knew what I was doing , I opened the door . I was actually excited to see him . " Oh you must be the guy that I talked to on the phone . Is … um , " he paused . " No , but I mean , I 'm , " I paused . I couldn 't say what our relationship was . He would have a heart attack . " She 's my sister . " " Oh , she went out of town for the night . My mom is visiting friends that live about 50 miles from here … well you don 't care about that . She 's just not going to be back until tomorrow . " " Sure , whatever . " I was having mixed feelings . It was like what I felt when I was here was lingering , and this was a turning point in my life . One that I wouldn 't know until much later . I got us beers , and we sat on the couch in silence . The sight was strange , at best . He sitting there dressed to impress , me in a bathrobe . He asked me question after question about my " sister . " He wanted to know what she did , what she liked , if she had been in relationships , etc . , and with every question I invented a life for her . We went through two beers , and then a third , and the conversation turned to him , what his life was like , what he did for a living , and soon , the seal needed to be broken . I got up and went to the bathroom , and when I walked out of the bathroom and made my way to the living room , I didn 't find him there . I looked in the kitchen , and then walked down the hall , past the front door , and into the back of the house where my bedroom and the extra bedroom was . " So you gave up your room for her ? " I had peaked around the door to my bedroom and he was standing at the edge of the bed with a bra in his hands . " Dude , I know she 's your sister , but she is the hottest woman I have ever seen . Damn . Her body is smoking . " " Crazy . Yeah I guess so . " He turned his head toward me , threw the bra back on the edge of the bed , and I saw his eyes go up and down my body . If was I wasn 't mistaken , he was checking me out . He looked back at the bed and saw the clothes he had removed from me the night before , " So when will she be back ? " " Might want to check that robe . " He motioned his hands as if to say I should close curtains . I looked down in horror . I had not closed my robe when I got out of the bathroom , and to top it off , I was semi hard . I had a strange attraction to him , not that I wanted him sexually , but I had a need to be near him . I felt drawn to him . It was clear he had seen my state of arousal . I was in shock . I didn 't know what was going on . Twice in two days , I found myself like a deer in the head lights . Time went by slowly , and I could hear nothing . I saw his mouth move , I saw his hands go to his crotch and unzip his jeans and pull his soft dick out the opening . He didn 't command me to come over . He didn 't motion or do anything , not at least from what I remember . I went to him immediately . He stood at the corner of my bed , and I took my place on my knees between his legs , and without hesitation , I took his flaccid cock in my mouth . It was smaller than I remembered from the night before , but as I moved on it , its soft skin and flexible dick moving with my pressure , it began to grow in no time . I took my hands and tried my best to undo the button on his jeans without pulling his cock from my mouth . I got it undone , and pulled his cock from my mouth only as long as it took to get his dick back through his boxers and his boxers over his cock and down to the floor . He stepped out of them , and I attacked his cock . I reached around him and took his ass in my hands , pulling his cock into my mouth . I would have never imagined I would have been doing this a week ago , but like last night , at that moment , it was all I wanted . I licked his balls , and after a few minutes , I could tell he couldn 't stand anymore . I pushed him back on the bed , and put my arms on his thighs and went back to sucking . It was Zen like with the kind of peace that took me over with his cock in my mouth . I felt the head , his thickness , the overwhelming size in my mouth . I went deeper than I had the night before and wanted more . I couldn 't get it all the way in , but I tried my best , trying to force it past the back of my throat , with little success . When he put his hands on the back of my head and began controlling my movements , I knew he was ready to blow . He was against the back of my throat when he blew his load . The force was familiar and instantly got me so excited that if there were a hand on my cock , I would have blown as well . It surged in my mouth , and as I pulled off him another blast took place in my mouth . His cum pooled at the sidesI felt the head of his cock on my opening first . He held it there and moved it up and down with his hand , getting the lotion all over , and then he settled back on my hole . He pushed slightly , and the thickness of him finally became apparent . He entered me with no resistance , but the thickness of his fingers and cock were two different things . In no time , he was past the point where he fingers had been , and the fullness was overwhelming . I told him to stop , and as he came to a stop with his movement , the size of him seemed bigger . I could feel his heart beat in his cock . I didn 't tell him to start up again , but after a good 30 seconds , he pushed in even more . I couldn 't see but it felt like he had 10 inches in me . When he kept going and I suddenly opened up , almost sucking his cock in , he surged forward what seemed like another 10 inches , and his body came against mine . I couldn 't say anything . I was out of breath , I felt like I had a telephone pole in my ass . All I could utter was , " don 't move . " I felt my ass spread like it had never been spread . It felt like someone 's arm was inside me . I tried to relax , but it was hard . He didn 't start . A minute passed . He rubbed my back and ass . Then it happened . My ass seemed to completely let go . I didn 't feel the urge to squeeze down . It was almost like I couldn 't . He obviously felt it too , because he started moving just a little bit . First it was an inch or so , just barely moving in me , and then testing the waters , he started moving more and more . Before I new it , he was taking his cock almost all the way out and then moving in me . After a few minutes of slowly moving in me , he took his dick all the way out and then pushed all the way back in me . He removed him self a half dozen times , making me almost beg for him to stick it back in me . When he left me , there was a void that needed to be filled , something that needed to be completed , but after his short departures from my ass , once he was in to stay , he wasn 't moving slowly . He began fucking me hard , taking his dick almost all the way out , leaving his head in , but then slamming into my ass , my cheeks taking the force of his thrusts , and my ass hole receiving the length of his cock . I grunted with his fucking . Without warning , I came . I wasn 't hard , but his fucking caused me to squirt on the mattress . I couldn 't do anything about it . He raised my ass and grabbed my hips , and began fucking me harder than before . Harder than I thought was possible . I screamed , he kept fucking . I screamed again and again . He stopped fucking , and pulled his dick from me . I could feel how wide my ass was spread , and then he pulled me on my side . He reentered me on my side , and with he reentry , my head bucked backwards and the heat in my ass returned . The filling feeling was amazing . As he fucked me like that , I thought about the night before , and was amazed at how different the two feelings were . I could feel the full length of him moving . Last night there was much less pressure . He reached around and grabbed my soft dick " Give me that girly clit , or I 'll have to punish you . " I released him hand from his , and he grabbed my dick . I fucked me with a rhythm that matched his hand 's movement on my cock . Amazingly , my dick started to respond . When I was fully hard , he pulled me completely on my back , his dick still in me . He pulled my legs up on his shoulder , shifted my ass over the edge , and then grabbed my cock . He continued his movements , this time harder , and jacked my dick with force . I told him I was getting ready to cum , and he began fucking me hard and almost pulling my dick off . My arms shot to the side and pushed down on the bed . At that moment , he thrust his dick all the way in me and was still . He took both hands and jacked my dick hard , and I came . There was almost no cum , but enough to flow down his fingers . Once I was done cumming , he took his hands and forced me to lick the cum off . Once I was done cleaning his hands , he grabbed my calves , and pushed my ass up in the air more . He commanded me to hold my legs back , and he grabbed the upper front of my thighs like handles . With that he began fucking me harder than he had at any other time . The force was terrific , and it felt like his dick was in my chest cavity . I began grunting when he fucked , but as he continued it turned into a low grumble and accompanied with a complete lack of my lower half . I was a receptacle . It must have been what he was going for , because at that moment , I felt him release in me . It was followed by a large glottal moan . He paused for a second and another shot was released , but then the fucking began with vigor . He fucked hard and the wetness of his cum in my ass could be heard through the splashing . He continued to cum inside me , and it was only when he collapsed on me , his dick finally still , that I knew he was done . He remained there for at least a minute , maybe two . I was a completely zombie . Fucked till I couldn 't move or comprehend reality . His soft dick slid out of my ass without either of initiating the event , but once it happened , he stood back quickly , got dressed without me noticing , and " I 'll leave you my number on the table , how bout you or her give me a call . " With that he left , and I lie there and felt his cum leaking out of my ass . I tried to think about what had occurred , but I felt a huge rush of shame come over me . I can 't believe I just let that happen . I felt like I was going to be sick . Me , let a guy fuck me . I was gay . I almost started crying . My ass hurt . Then I thought about her , and said what I could only say at that moment , " Shannon Williams . " Read 23784 times |

You may have heard of the Farnsworth experiments . My dad was one of the scientists involved . He rarely talked about it , and when he did he always said the rumors were overplayed . The team tried and failed , nothing more to it . He seemed to get annoyed at me asking him about it . When I kept it up , he eventually told me a brief account of what happened . It was the mid 80s and he was living in Albany , New York , pursuing his phD . This was a year or two after I was born . He began work on a government funded research project . The experiments were to be done under absolute secrecy . The goal was to test a 15 year old hypothesis that previous to this point seemed non - testable . If it were true , then time travel was possible . They spent nearly a year working on the project , known only by it 's codename Farnsworth . They tried and tried , but found nothing . Then the project ended . There were no deaths or disappearances . There were no strange events around the region . The reason the government denied the project 's existence was purely embarrassment over funding something that in hindsight seemed so ridiculous . It felt good to know the truth . Whenever I heard someone retelling the story , I wished I could tell the real version , but I promised dad I wouldn 't , for the sake of his career . For the next few years , I didn 't really think about it . It was one little story , among many , sitting in the back of my mind . I went off to college , lived life , and never gave it a second thought . A few months after I graduated , I drove up to Boston for Thanksgiving of ' 06 . Dad still lived in the same house that we lived in since I was maybe 10 . Thanksgiving this year was smaller than years before . I was just me , dad , and my older sister Kate . It was a normal thanksgiving meal . Peas were in short supply , but I never much liked them anyway . Looking around the table , I felt deja vu . We all sat in our usual chairs , clustered around the part of the table not covered in papers and screens filled with incomprehensible equations . It 's nice to be back . Just when the meal was drawing to a close , there was a knock on the front door . I went to go open it . It was a man , maybe 60 years old . He looked very worn out . His grayish hair was a mess . He was unshaven . My dad came over and said , They walked away quickly . Kate and I waited for them to come back , very curious about what was going on . She seemed to remember him , just barley , from back in Albany . She must have been around four or five at the time . We kept looking down the hall to dad 's office , the door remained shut . No words possible to make out . After what felt like half an hour , Kate said , She led me upstairs to her old bedroom , situated right above dad 's office . She motioned to be quiet and pointed to a vent in the corner of the room . From it we could hear the muffled conversation . They were speaking in jargon . I heard a lot about oscillations . After maybe two to three minutes , I heard Bill Benson shout , I got up from the floor quickly , hitting my head on a shelf with a loud thud . I heard the conversation stop . As me and Kate walked as quietly out of the room as we could , we heard footsteps downstairs . As we descended the old wooden flight of stairs , dad walked into view . He told us to sit down at the table . We went back to the dining room . Bill Benson sat too , taking some old notebooks off the seat of his chair and putting them on top of the cluttered side of the table . Dad took a deep breath and started to speak , " You know how I 've said I worked on the Farnsworth experiments when you both were really little . When I told you we failed , that was a lie . It worked , better than anyone could have expected . But there was a problem . A big problem . And now we don 't talk about it , we think about it as little as we can , and we never go back . That 's why we moved away from Albany . Now Bill 's problem is he went back . He shouldn 't have . We can 't get ourselves involved . " " For your own good , don 't try any detective work . Live like I live , live like nothing ever happened . Those of us who ignore the past are fine . Now we are going to eat dessert like nothing happened . And we 're going to forget , OK ? " " I can 't just leave it like this , I tried for years . We have to find the ones they took . Emily might be out there , don 't you want to find her ? " He got up and walked through the adjoining living room and out the door , into the light snow . Dad took a deep breath and didn 't speak for maybe a minute . Then he spoke , A few weeks later , after I had gotten over the shock of that night , I did some research on Bill Benson . At first I couldn 't find anything referencing him from within the past ten years . I found an old webpage for a university that listed a William C . Benson as a professor . The photo was definitely him . I ran the photo of him through face recognition and found two matches . The first was old . In it were five people , some in lab coats . Benson was on the left , looking much younger . His hair was neat . He was wearing street clothes , also neat . On the right were two women I didn 't recognize . They were the oldest of the group . In the middle were my parents . Dad , who looked nearly the same as after all those years , and mom , who I only remember from pictures . Above them was a banner saying Happy New Year ' 85 . The photo was taken a few months after I was born . I saved it . I then opened the second match . This picture of Benson must have been more recent . He looked older in this picture . His hair was gray and long . The photo had been taken in the dark with a flash , making the background hard to make out . The thing that struck me the most about that picture was the look of absolute terror on his face . I closed the photo quickly . I saved it too . I then noticed that they came from the same source . It was a blog with the two photos as the only posts . There were no dates posted on them . Whoever made the blog must have disabled them from showing . As the weeks and months went by , I tried to forget all that had happened . Whenever I did think about it , I found myself filled with an equal mix of fear and curiosity . Forgetting over time became easier . I got a job in Tampa , Florida . I was in and out of two relationships . Kate was living in New Jersey , working on her residency at a big hospital . We never talked about it . I assumed she was trying to forget too . Dad never said anything about it . He was completely normal . I took up photography as a hobby , and was becoming pretty good . Four years after I met Benson , the family got back together for thanksgiving . I flew up from Florida to participate . This time there were more people . My aunt and uncle , a cousin , and Kate 's fiancee all showed up . It felt strange entering that old house . The memories flooded back to me . I was the last to arrive . The large dining room table was cleared of the clutter that had filled much of it in the past . I realized I was later than I thought , as thanksgiving dinner was nearly underway . I sat on the last untaken chair , the same chair Bill Benson had sat on . Any anxiety I felt began to fade after a few minutes . It was nice . I was with family . Dad was chatting about the goings on at MIT , his research , who was getting tenure . The usual things . I occasionally thought I heard some nervousness in his voice , but it was too subtle to really tell . We ate pumpkin pie . The next day I returned to Florida . I felt relieved to step back into the warm Florida air . Two months later I got a call from Kate . Dad had disappeared . He hadn 't been coming into work . He wasn 't at his house . His car was in his driveway . There was a search for him . I flew out immediately . They combed the area . They scoured databases , but even with his name , face , thumbprint , and retina , they found nothing . After a month , they stopped looking . He was presumed dead . I wanted to tell the police everything I knew , but they wouldn 't believe me . Calling the Farnsworth experiments into it would be like blaming his disappearance on a UFO or the Bermuda triangle . I did tell them about Bill Benson . I said that if he was alive and anyone knew where he was , Benson would . I told them he was a professor at a local college around 15 years ago , but I didn 't remember which one . They quickly found it , Bridgewater State University . He taught physics and math there for ten years , before resigning . It was clear he hadn 't had any professorships after that . He 'd complete dropped off of everyone 's radar . The one piece of information they could find about him was an apartment he had rented five years ago . It was in Albany New York . They couldn 't get any other information . To them , Bill Benson was a dead end . I knew dad was alive . He must have decided to go back , just like Bill . I had to find my dad and try to pull him out of whatever he was putting himself into . On February 16 , I decided to find Benson myself . In early morning I packed up my luggage and checked out of my Boston hotel . I scraped the ice off the windshield of my rental car and set off towards Albany . I didn 't tell anyone where I was going . The drive was a little under three hours . When I got there I checked into another hotel . I used a fake name . I don 't know why I did it , it just felt like the right thing to do . Later , I made my way to his old apartment , bringing my camera with me . After a short drive I found the building . I made my way to the main office and walked in . " You could talk to his old next door neighbors . He lived in apartment 108 , the people in 107 still live there . I hope they find your father . " I thanked her and left . After a quick look around I realized 100s were the basement . I walked down a short flight of stairs and into a long hallway . 107 was easy to find . I knocked on the door . The residents were a couple in their early 30s . A man and a woman named Kimberly and Al . I talked to them for a few minutes . They saw Benson as a bit of nut . They barely talked to him besides greetings in the hallway . As I was about to leave , Kimberly seemed to remember something and told me to wait . She ran into the apartment and came out a minute later with a small cardboard box , taped shut . I thanked them both and returned to my car , ripping through the tape . In it was a ridiculously old looking cell phone , a photograph , and a few pieces of paper . I looked at the photograph first . I knew that photo . It was the New Years day photo . The exact same photo I had seen on the internet four years previously . Memories came flooding back . I thought of the day Bill Benson came to thanksgiving dinner , and what he had said . I took a deep breath . I looked at the papers . Sheet after sheet of random notes and equations . I then flipped open the cell phone and it turned on . I opened the list of contacts , and only one was listed . It was a cell phone number under the name " call " . I did . It rang , once , twice , three times . Then I heard a voice . The call cut off . I knew it was Bill Benson . I remember his voice clearly . I put the contents of the box in my camera bag and then made my way by foot to the park . After a bit of walking , I saw a fountain in the distance . Snow lightly fell . As I got closer to the fountain I realized it was off , presumably for the winter . I brushed the snow off a bench and sat down waiting . After about 10 minutes , I saw someone walking towards me out of a storm . It was him . Bill Benson sat down . He looked older than when I last saw him . His hair was completely gray . It looked like he hadn 't cut it for a while . He finally said , " I don 't want to get you involved . I 'm sorry I brought you into this , and I 'm sorry I brought your dad back into it . He was the only one of us who made a clean break . " And with that he left , running away without another word . I snapped a picture of him as he disappeared over a hill . I looked to the ground and saw his footprints in the snow . I started following them before they were filled in . It felt like I had been following these footprints for an hour . They just kept going . Faint , but not quite filled in , I finally stopped to catch my breath . I was thinking Bill Benson must be keeping in great shape . He , in his 60s , was easily outpacing me , a 26 year old . Then a more unnerving thought came to mind . Washington park was less than half a square mile large . But I had been going straight for what must have been well over a mile . I wasn 't going in circles , was I ? I also hadn 't seen the road in a long time . I began to look around . I was in the middle of a snowy wilderness . I was just in a city . How could I be here ? The snow was starting to get pretty light . I pulled out my cell phone , no reception . Bill 's cell phone , no reception . I looked at the footprints . They were almost gone , but not quite . I kept going for maybe 20 more minutes until I found where they were going to . They stopped at an old building made of sheet metal . It looked to be two stories with one window and a single door . That building gave me the creeps . I pulled out my camera and snapped a picture of it . I walked the perimeter , but saw no other ways in . My head hurt like crazy . It was dark . Night . What the fuck just happened ? Night . I was lying in the snow . I tried to think back . The last thing I could remember was the strange building . I took out my phone and looked at the time . 2 : 28 AM . I used the glow of my phone as a flashlight , illuminating only a few feet in front of me . The only thought in my head was to get the fuck out of here . I didn 't know how to get back . I was shivering . I touched my head , feeling a sharp pain . I shined the phone light on my hand and saw blood . I decided to just start walking . I couldn 't stay in one place . Every time I stopped I felt like I was being watched . Eventually I saw a light in the distance . I felt a tremendous feeling of relief . It was civilization . As I grew closer , the light grew brighter . Only one light . It certainly wasn 't downtown Albany . Maybe it was a farmhouse . Somewhere warm and safe . I began to run , cellphone outstretched . I felt a sinking feeling as the source of the light grew more apparent . It was the sheet metal building . The light was coming from the one window . Then it turned off . The only light coming from my cellphone . The woods were completely still . I was frozen in place . I didn 't want to make a sound . The one door began to open , and I heard a familiar voice . It was Bill . I walked in , following Bill . It was warm inside . The room was large and devoid of furnishings . There were two flights of stairs , one going up and one going down . He took the flight of stairs that led up . After a minute or two I walked over to those stairs . I could see Bill boiling water on a wood burning stove . I walked over to the other staircase . I shined my phone light down the stairs , revealing an old wooden staircase . I flicked a light switch , causing the room to fill with light . It was a laboratory , with many devices I didn 't know the purpose of . I nervously walked through it . On the other side of the lab was another door . It opened without resistance . I flicked another switch and saw another lab , very similar to the first , but a little bigger . I noticed a banner on the far wall . It was old and faded , but I could still make out what it said . Happy New Year ' 85 . I noticed on one table was an old notebook . I picked it up and opened it . It was lab notes . I began to read . A lot of it I didn 't understand , but one section was relatively clear . It was a series of journal entries by one of the scientists . I don 't have the notes , but I 'll try my best to summarize what I read . Early entries are calm and optimistic . Lots of technical stuff . They ate pizza one night . Then there are the next few entries , more spaces out . They are mostly talking about an issue with oscillators . The tone is wearier . Then there 's a three month gap . The next entry was the last , and I remember it clearly word for word . It said " We 're being watched , I know it . I hate that hole " . I didn 't know what exactly it meant , but all my nerve seemed to leave . I wanted to go back upstairs . But first , I would take some pictures of the journal . It would only take a second . I took the camera out of my camera bag and turned it on . On the screen were flashing words , " out of memory " . That was strange . To fill my memory card up you would need a ridiculous number of photos . It was barley 7 percent full when I 'd last looked . When did I last use the camera ? Before I blacked out . I heard faint footsteps from far away . My mind was now focused on this new peculiar problem . I began to scroll through my photos . Each picture had a number , the date it was taken , and its size on the screen around it . There was the picture of Bill 's old apartment building . There was Bill running over the hill . There was the metal building . There it was again , and again . How many pictures of it did I take . I must not have blacked out . I lost a portion of my memory . I Kept clicking through the pictures . I must have been taking them like mad . In the pictures , I walked back into the woods . There were ten or twenty of snow and trees . Then one of a man , Bill . He looked mad . I couldn 't remember any of this . I 'm guessing he was mad that I followed him . He calmed down in the next few pictures . We then showed up back at the metal building . I had no idea why we went back . Bill opened the door and we went in . The next few pictures were of the ground floor of the metal building . But it was filled with furniture . All of it looked like it had been falling apart for a long time . Where did it all go ? I felt a chill go up my spine . The next photos were of the first lab . I must have been trying to document every machine . Finally I got to a photo where Bill reached for the door to the second lab . The room I 'm in now . I must have gone through the same routine . Photographing everything . There was the banner . There were the lab notes . Then , one photo showed up that confused me . It was of another door . One I didn 't see anywhere in the room . The file size on this photo was 15 . 3 gigabytes . The file sizes were expanding with each image . The next was a look at the door from farther away . Then one of Bill opening the door , obviously straining himself . The screen on my camera labeled this photo as the fourth from the last . Three more . I pushed the button to see the next . It was Bill . He looked terrified . And then it hit me . This was the same photo I saw online four years ago . The background was too dark to make out what was in the third room . Whatever it was it was horrible , I could see it in his eyes . How could he be so calm after what he saw . How could he say everything was safe . My fingers shook , but I managed to move on to the next picture . It was a hole . Going deep deep down . The instant the light from the photo hit my eyes I felt a horrible feeling . I knew something was out there . Watching me . I felt it . I felt watched from every angle . I quickly pushed the button , I could 't stand looking at that picture for another second . The camera started loading the last picture . What flashed onto the screen shocked me more than anything in my life . Bill 's dead body , lying next to the hole . He was covered from head to toe in scratches and wounds . A pool of blood had formed around him , dripping down into the hole . The same expression from the previous photo locked on his pale dead face . I almost threw up . I pulled the batteries out of the camera . I felt too weak to move . Then another thought came to mind . If Bill Benson was dead , who was it I had been talking to the last few hours ? Who was it whose footsteps were coming from the second lab ? I felt the watching return . There was nowhere I could hide . I heard the footsteps grow louder . Bill , whatever thing was impersonating him was standing in the doorway . I could see through the disguise . The form I once saw as Bill was composed of grey wisps and tendrils , somehow forming one creature . Now I could see what was watching me . More and more of them became clear . They moved in on me from all directions . They formed themselves into millions of arms each grabbing me . I struggled with all my might , but I was helpless . They felt cold and horrible . Then they started to pull me across the room . I managed to get one glimpse of where they were pulling me , an open door . They were pulling me towards that hole . I struggled as they dragged me through the small doorway , past Bill 's body , closer and closer . Then they stopped . I don 't know how long I was held there . All I know is eventually I passed out from exhaustion . I woke up in a field . I was alive . I still felt watched , but I was alive . Today , I 'm back to living my life , the best that I can . They spared me . I don 't know why . Now I 'm under a sort of house arrest if you will . I 'm somewhere where I can 't make trouble . I 've been here three years . It 's now 2013 . I have a job , an apartment . They 're always there in the corner of my eye . Watching me . Every day . I haven 't told anyone . I don 't know why they do different things to different people . Some they watch , some they kill , and to some they do much worse . I 've now concluded that The Farnsworth experiment sought to find a means of time travel by drilling through another reality . But nobody considered what inhabitants it might have . I 'll end with a brief statement to the people who were in my old life . My name is Robert Lawrence Bowen . I was born in 2084 . I 'm 29 years old . Dad , if you 're reading this , take your own advice . Kate , don 't come for me . That also goes for everyone back in Florida . By the time any of you read this I 'll be dead . Don 't try to save me . Don 't try to change the past , they won 't let you . The Farnsworth experiments have had many victims , don 't let yourself become one . Wikia is a free - to - use site that makes money from advertising . We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers Wikia is not accessible if you 've made further modifications . Remove the custom ad blocker rule ( s ) and the page will load as expected . Categories :

' Yeah right . ' The woman thought to herself as she stood , yes chained to a stake and waiting for a dragon to come and take her instead of attacking the village and its herds . The woman had been a bit too vocal about trying to kill the dragon that the elders had decided she was its next meal . She even managed to hit a few of the elders as they tried to take her to a holding room which was most likely why she was chained to the stake nude . It was a long wait but finally the woman heard what she had been waiting for , the distant screaming of some of the other village women . Then the dragon came into view . He was dark green with black wings and a spike - covered tail . The woman grew scared but that fear only gave her strength as the dragon landed near and moved closer . The dragon was very surprised as he landed that his gift was nude . The woman was a beauty with her dark blond hair and blue eyes and seeing her like that made it hard not to pull her down and take her right there . He roared just for the fun of it and reached out to the woman . She started to try to pull away but the chains held her and yet she made little sound but the dragon could see that she was trying to scream . He grabbed her gently and with his other claw , broke the stake . Then the woman managed to emit a loud noise and fainted . The dragon roared again and took to the air . When the woman woke ; she was lying on her back looking up at a stone ceiling . She tried to move but found that she was still chained and her arms where pulled up above her head . Then the dragon came into view as he moved over her . " I have no intention of hurting you . I just want to play with you . You 're the first one that village has given me that I don 't have to fight to get the woman 's clothes off of . What a time saver it is . " The dragon opened his mouth just a little and let his tongue come out in an almost snake like manner then moved up the front of the woman . Stopping at her neck then moving back down to her breasts . The woman seemed to hold her breath but then would let it out and gasped to take in another breath . The dragon began moving his tongue so that it made farther talk for the woman very hard . The dragon played with both breasts making the buds of her nipples hard then he slipped his tongue down and between her legs . The woman tried to move away but the dragon took hold of a leg and pulled her back but then raised both legs and spread them apart letting his tongue move over her clit and pussy . The dragon could hear the woman begging for him to stop but he was having too much fun . The dragon could also feel the woman 's resistance decreasing as he brought her closer and closer to her climax . Then just for the fun of it the dragon rolled his tongue and slowly slid it into her pressing it to that spot that proved that she was still virgin . He liked what he tasted even more especially as he sent the woman over the top and into an almost violent climax as she came on his tongue . With that , he moved and covered the woman hooking her legs on the side of his . He let all of himself shift slowly to a smaller size so as to fit better . His penis visible if the woman didn 't have her eyes closed . She felt it as the dragon placed it to the opening and started to press it in . The woman knew right away that there was something wrong . The thing was too big . She tried to yell that it was too much but could not get the words to come out of her mouth because her voice was broken . Screaming and crying in silence as the dragon hammered into her and feeling as though she were being ripped apart . When the dragon finally came , the woman cried even more because it was very hot . " You 're too big . You 've torn me in two . It hurts . It hurts . I 'm burning . It feels like I 'm burning inside . Please make it stop . Please , make it stop ! " the woman wailed or at least she tried to but all that came out was a harsh whisper . The woman still had her eyes closed so the dragon called up some of his magic and sent it into her then licked her pussy again . The woman gasped as the pain and some of the heat left . " I think you need to rest and I need to hunt us up some food . " The dragon got up and reached up and took hold of the stake that the woman was still attached to and broke it so that the chain came free . At the same time , letting himself flow back to his normal size . Then he picked the woman up . " I think for a while longer . The last woman I had here tried to run away . Just to let you know we are at the top of a mountain and there are no paths down only a near straight drop . I told this to the others but they all tried to climb down anyway and fell to their deaths . If you are a good pet , I will think of taking them off . For now though I think I will put you somewhere where you can 't run from . " He began lowering the woman into a pit and had to shake her to make her let go . " Please , don 't leave me down here ! I can 't stand places like this . Please ! " She said with more voice . He pulled away from the opening for a moment but returned . " I 'm not sure how long I 'll be so here is a bucket incase you need to relieve yourself and here is a wine skin with some watered wine . " He let go and let both fall to the floor . The woman tried yelling again but the dragon was gone . The woman was so scared she was shaking when she retrieved the skin and took a very small sip but then had to grab the bucket because she could no longer hold her fear filled stomach down . When she was finished , she curled up into a ball on the rock floor of the pit and tried to sleep . The dragon returned with the sheep he had caught . He had already cleaned it and eaten most of it but had enough left to make a nice stew for his new pet . He started a fire and set a small pot hanging over it with the meat and some vegetables in it to cook . Then he went to look in on his pet . She was curled into a ball on the floor of the pit . " Wake up my pet . I 'm back and I have brought food . " The woman woke but was too cold to move . The dragon reached down and picked her up and brought her out . To his surprise , the woman was very cold . " Pet what 's wrong ? Why are you so cold ? " The dragon held the woman to his chest and grabbed a blanket from his bed and wrapped it around her . " I 'm sorry . I didn 't know it would be that cold . " The woman started shivering as she started to warm and it seemed to take forever until that stopped . It was good that the dragon had started her meal before he retrieved her . The dragon set her down next to the fire and got out one of his old bowls for her to use . The woman put some of the stew in a bowl and started to eat . After the third bite , the woman put the bowl down and ran to the cave opening knelt down and lost what she had just put down . The dragon moved behind the woman because he was concerned for the woman . His concern was justified as the woman finished losing her meal then tried to stand , swayed and began to fall as she passed out . Gently the dragon carried the woman over to his nest and laid her in it then sat back and waited for the woman to wake . The sun was on its way down when the woman finally woke . " Are you all right ? Why are you sick ? " " I 'm sorry . I didn 't mean too . I can 't stand being in small cold places . I was just so cold and scared . Please don 't put me back in the hole . " The woman said in a small voice . The woman started shaking again but the dragon was sure it was not from being cold . " I can 't stand being in small places . When I was about five , some friends and I were playing hide and seek and I found an old trunk in an old shack . I didn 't think the lock on it worked because I tested it before I got in but after a short time I heard some one come in and just when I thought my friend was going to open the lid , I heard something click . I started screaming to be let out but the person just left . I screamed and screamed until something in my throat snapped and I couldn 't scream any more . My father finally found me some time the next day , I think but the damage was done . " " Is that why you can 't scream now ? I was wandering about that . I created the pit to keep you from trying to leave the cave when I am not here . The last woman that was here tried and fell to her death , as did the one before her . I want only one thing from you , sex , just plain sex . Well may - be not so plain . " " Please you can have what you want . Please , just don 't hurt me or put me down in the pit . I swear I 'll try to be good . " the woman turned her head away from the dragon but slowly opened her legs to him . " Please just don 't hurt me . " the woman 's voice was just a whisper . The dragon was both please by this display as well as a little disturbed but he couldn 't resist the invitation he was given . Then he had an idea and changed himself into the form of human that he used when he used to live among humans . He climbed into the nest and laid down next to the woman letting his hands slide down her arm . The woman turned to him and gasped . The woman had never seen such a handsome man before and it took her breath away . " I see you like how I look . This is the form I sometimes use when I want to be among humans . " He stopped her from saying anything by kissing her . The dragon could feel her tremble as he touched her and raised her arms above her head and with a quick flick tossed the chain over the top of the nest to hook on something on the outside . He held her breast and when he stopped kissing her , he moved down and took first one then the other of her breasts into his mouth ; Licking and sucking on her nipples to make them hard . The woman moaned as he reached between her legs and played with her clit . The woman couldn 't think other than to compare how the dragon had used his tongue to how he was using his fingers . In the end she couldn 't decided which she liked better and really didn 't care . The dragon could feel when the woman was near to cumming and when she was close , slid his fingers into her pussy making her reach her climax and quickly as he could he began lapping at her pussy , drinking in her nectar as she convulsed in pleasurable release . Then it was his turn and he came back up kissing her as he went then slowly pressed his penis into the woman . He went slowly at first but his need began to grow . Finally , he could no longer hold back and began moving faster and harder as he hammered her . The woman tried to scream as it became to much for her to take and even then the passion of what he was doing to her came crashing over her again as she came . Again and again , she came until there was nothing left in her and she was sure the dragon had rubbed her so raw that she was bleeding . Then finally he came with a loud roar and released his hot seed into her , the pain from the heat and the burning sensation were too much and the woman passed out . The dragon , with his eyes closed waited for the spasms of his release to end before he wanted to talk but as he opened his eyes and looked down , he was not surprised to find that the woman had fainted but he was surprised that when he withdrew from her that again she was bleeding . Again , he called up his healing powers and healed the woman and soon after , she woke . The dragon unhooked the chain , picked the woman up and carried her to the pool at the back of the cave and slowly put her in the water . The woman gasped because the water was cold but as she began to wash away the dragon 's cream off of her and out of her , she began to fell better . The man - dragon watched , mesmerized by her beauty as well as wandering why she had such a reaction to him . In the end , he gave up trying to figure it out and helped the woman out of the pool . He walked the woman over to the fire that had gone out and with a wave of his hand rekindled it . Then he took the stew pot and placed it over the fire again . " You need to eat something so you have energy for more sex . " He looked at her and could see that she blushed at his words . " You 're not as scared as you were before . I think that 's why you got sick . Are you scared of me ? " The woman nodded her head . And her voice became even smaller . " Your other form is so big and is made to kill . I 'm scared that you might forget and hurt me or worse . I . . . I . . . " The words froze in her mouth . " I could do that in this body . I have all of my strength no matter what my form I take . " The dragon replied angrily . The woman looked up to see him begin changing back into his dragon self . The woman began crawling backwards away from him both to give him room and because she knew , she had said the wrong thing . " I 'm sorry , I 'm sorry . I didn 't mean to make it sound bad . I didn 't mean it . " " What you have said is the truth . This form is made for killing . You would do well to remember that . Now come back to the fire and eat . " The woman slowly returned to the fire , when handed a bowl dished up some stew and began eating . When she was finished , she yawned . But she made no moves or requests , only sat looking down at the fire . The dragon watched her as she tried to fight off the sleep that was trying to claim her . The dragon looked out the cave entrance to see that it was full dark . That was why the woman was yawning , she was exhausted from her first day with him but he really wanted her again but if he waited until tomorrow , it would be better . But then again , " Pet , I want you to stand . " The woman did . " Now come to me . " The woman walked with her head down slowly starting to shake as she did so . The dragon sat up , his monstrous penis jutting out towards her . " I want you to show me that you are willing to do as I ask . I want you to kneel down and lick and stroke my penis . " The woman slowly lowered herself to her knees . She was trembling all over . She reached out with both her hands and placed them around his penis . The dragon could feel that her hands didn 't quite go all the way around but that didn 't matter as she started to moving her hands up and down on him , the chain between her wrists hitting the floor lightly . Then she leaned forwards and used her tongue to encircle the tip . Slowly the woman grew more sure of herself and started moving her hands faster . The dragon couldn 't take it any more . He pushed the woman back onto the floor of the cave , reduced the size of his penis while he shoved the woman 's legs apart and shoved it into her . The woman knew it was going to happen , she just hoped that he would make his penis small enough and to her pain , he didn 't . She tried to tell him by yelling and hitting him but it did little good and long before he was finished , she passed out again . Finally , the dragon finished and realized that he had done it again and hurt the woman . He healed her , picked her up and placed her in his nest where he laid down next to her and went to sleep . The next morning when the woman woke , she was surprised to find herself in the dragon 's nest and even more surprised to find that the dragon was not in the cave . The woman got up slowly then wrapped a blanket around herself , tying the end of it behind her neck , walked over to the pool at the back of the cave and drank . When she was finished , she decided to look around the cave and see if there was anything that she could eat . It was as she looked that she became aware that the shackles at her wrists were very sore . After finding some simple vegetables , she went looking for something that she could stuff under the metal . She found some fabric that might have been a shirt at one time and after tearing strips from it , slowly maneuvered the pieces between the shackles and her wrists . She thought he meant literally so she began telling him . " I got up and after getting some water went looking for food . I found some raw vegetables that were still good and ate . I didn 't know when you were going to come back . " the woman curled around her knees . That was when the dragon notice something different , there was something added around her wrists . " Come here , what do you have around your wrists ? " The woman stood and slowly walked to where the dragon stood . The dragon reached out and took hold of one of her wrists . " After I ate , I found my wrists hurting and were rubbed raw . I found some fabric and put some between the shackles and me . Please don 't be mad . I should have asked first but I didn 't know when you were going to return . " The woman said quickly , hoping the dragon would not get mad at her for going through his things . To the woman 's surprise , he gently removed the fabric to look at the wrist . The wrist was still very red and stung as the metal touched the wrist again making her hiss . Then with a snap of his fingers , the clasp holding the shackles in place opened and the dragon took them from the woman and tossed them to the wall . The dragon waved his hand over her wrists and healed both . " Come , I have brought more to eat . But we will need to cook it first . " The dragon gave a gentle push to the woman to get her moving . Then he handed her what he had brought but this time he watched as he let the woman take care of the meal for herself . Some of the meat she cooked on a spit and some she put into the pot to make into stew . That was also when the dragon noticed that the woman had covered herself . " Why are you wearing a blanket ? " " I was cold when I got up . I 'm not used to running around with nothing on . " Not wanting to upset him thinking that it was going to make him mad at her , she reached up and started to untie the blanket . " If you 're cold you may keep it on . I don 't want you getting sick on me . " The woman quickly retied the blanket . " Tell me , why were you chained nude to the stake ? And how were you chosen as my gift ? " " Normally there is a lottery . All of the virgin females ' names are placed in a hat and one is then drawn out . I tried to get the council to see that it was wrong to just hand a girl over to you and that we should tried to . . . to . . . to kill you instead . The council didn 't like this and rigged the drawing so that my name was chosen . When several of the men tried to take me to the holding room , I fought back . I clobbered several of them and even got one or two of the elders too . I think it was a kind of punishment to me , to shame me , for that . " " Really , how would you have done it ? My scales are proof against all arrows and no man could get close enough to me to use a sword that my scales wouldn 't turn anyway . " His curiosity getting the better of him . " You have to remember that we thought you were eating the women you took . I thought that whoever was chosen could take a slow acting poison with them and just before you feasted , the woman could take the poison and it would kill you too . Or put out some animals that had been tainted and see if you would take them . " " What a novel idea , the only problem is that I can smell most kinds of poisons . I would have just killed whoever it was and then have gone for the largest of the herds . What did the council think of your idea ? " " Now why would they say that ? Why did no man want you ? You 're very beautiful , you 're tall , you 're strong and you have more brains than those on the council have . " He found that he was getting upset by what this woman was telling him . " It is because I used my brains and spoke my mind that none of the eligible men in my village wanted me . And the few times that I had gone to other places , one of them would always tell that I was . . . not worth the effort . " The dragon grew angry with the men from her village . The woman put her head on her knees and tried to hide her tears . " I may have spoken my mind but like all women I wanted a family of my own . My father died when I was 13 and my mother two years later . Even then , it was too late . None wanted to take me in so I had to take care of myself . The house , the animals and everything and when I had to deal with men , I more or less had to become like them in order to deal with them . " " As you said , I can 't go back . The people would think I 'm in league with you some how and would drive me from the village or try to kill me , thinking that you would come back . Could I ask you a question , please ? " " It is not as easy as that . It takes a lot of work to make one as small as a human and it takes even more to hold the shape for long periods of time . The longest I have been able to do so was for just over two months and it almost drove me mad . " " I have . Just over two hundred years ago , I met the most beautiful woman in the world and I think I fell in love with her . We married and lived near her home village , once every four or five weeks I would take a " hunting trip " and go off so that I could spend a few hours in my normal form . This went on for three years but one day some one followed me and saw me change and returned to the village and told . When I returned I was attacked and I let myself be over powered by the men from the village . Then they brought my wife to me . She asked if it was true that I was a dragon living as a man . I couldn 't tell her a lie . Then she asked me to change and to show her what I looked like . I slowly changed right there before everyone . After a moment everyone went crazy , I grabbed my beloved and took to the air . We lived far to the east of here and my cave then was not as high up as this one . I had no more than landed and let her go when she started pacing the floor then she stopped . I hadn 't realized that she had gotten close to the opening . She turned to me said good - by and threw herself out of the cave . It was not a long fall but she was dead when I found her . " the woman could see the pain in his eyes as he remembered . " I went mad and returned to the village and destroyed it . That is why I will not be in human form with you too often . " The woman slowly undid the blanket and spread it out on the floor before getting into the position the dragon had asked of her . " Please make it smaller . Please , I beg you . " The woman said before she could stop herself . " I 'll make it any size I want to . You don 't get to tell me what I will do . " The dragon replied letting his annoyance show in is voice . " Please I just don 't what to get hurt any more . Please don 't hurt me . " The woman cried but held her place as the dragon moved in behind her . The dragon did make all of himself smaller so that he could get to her better . But once his penis was in her , he forgot all else . At first , the woman was fine with his size and for once might have actually enjoyed being taken by him but then things started getting tight and the woman soon realized that the dragon was letting himself grow . The woman tried to tell him . Then she tried to pull away from him but he wouldn 't let her and finally place an arm on either side of her head locking her into place until he was finished . The woman made the half yelling and gagging noise she made when she was scared or in pain , so after the spasms of the dragon 's release were over he released the woman . Not so slowly , she crawled to the pool and all but through herself in to wash off and try to cool the burning that was going on inside her . The dragon knew there was something wrong , that he had hurt her again but he waited to see what she was going to do next . " Why ? Why do you want to hurt me ? " She said as loud as she could . " Does it give you pleasure to tear my up inside ? If you don 't stop hurting me I 'll . . . " The woman froze as she looked at the dragon . His eyes were glowing red with anger . The dragon said nothing but grabbed the woman and not so gently dropped her into the pit . The woman landed very hard as well as badly and fell to the floor as she realized that her left leg would not hold her but managed to get back up . Then an empty bucket followed . " HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT I TAKE PLEASURE IN HURTING YOU ! ! ! " The dragon bellowed , " YOU ' LL STAY THERE UNTIL I RETURN ! " " I 'm sorry . Please . I 'm sorry . Please don 't leave me down here . My leg , I think it 's broken . Please help me . Please ! ! " The dragon closed his ears to the woman 's cries and left . The woman continued to yell in fear , which was made worse when all of the torches in the cave went out ; but then the woman started coughing as something in her throat gave out and after that , no other vocal sounds would come out . The woman lowered herself to the floor carefully and silently cried . The woman was cold and scared and knew very well it was her fault . The sun had gone down sending the cave into total darkness . The woman tried to sleep but the pain in her leg and in her insides kept her from it . The woman just sat praying that the dragon would return , hoping that she hadn 't made him so mad at her that he would leave her to die of hunger and thirst in the pit . But then after what she had said she wouldn 't have blamed him if he did . That was one of her biggest problems ; that she didn 't know when to keep her big mouth shut . Finally , the sun came up and with it the cave lightened as well as warmed , a little . " So this is his newest pet . At least this time he got a quiet one . " It said but the woman got the feeling that it was a female and jealous . " So why are you down there ? Come on you can tell me . " " You can 't talk . Good , then you can 't tell . " And the she dragon reached down and picked up the woman but as the she - dragon turned , the green dragon landed behind her . " Come now , you don 't want to play with a broken toy . Look , it makes no noise . I 'll just get rid of it for you and we can go have some fun together . " The she - dragon had given a hard shake to the woman making her try to scream in pain , but nothing came out . Then the she - dragon started squeezing the woman so hard that the woman started hearing her bones creak then felt several of them break . " Let her go ! ! I have told you I am not interested in you ! I don 't want to be with you ! Put down the woman and leave before I throw you out ! " The she - dragon threw the woman to the side where she rolled to the wall gasping in pain . Then the two dragons began fighting and in the end , the green one managed to throw the red one out of the cave . " Don 't ever come back ! ! " the dragon turned and ran to the woman . " Pet , what 's wrong . Tell me where it hurts . " The woman took a deep breath placed her hand to her throat and managed a small whispered . " No . Let me die . Can 't take any more . " " Why ? So I can be punished by being hurt and scared that you will do it again and again and again . " The woman coughed and this time there was a lot more blood . The dragon couldn 't fathom why the woman was acting the way she was , until he started looking her over to see what had been done . The first thing he found was the broken leg which was a simple thing to fix until he remembered that the woman had yelled to him that it had broken when he dropped her into the pit . Then he looked into the woman 's chest to see why she was coughing blood and found several ribs to be broken and one had been shoved into the lung . He would remember that the she - dragon had done that . Those injuries took some time to heal . Finally he came to her throat , it was obvious that there was something wrong . When he had looked at her throat before he found that the woman 's voice box had only mild damage to it . This time , the damage was nearly completely . He knew that that was his fault too but as he tried to heal it , he found that there was very little he could do . The damage was permanent though he hoped that what he did do would allow the woman to talk . The woman had no sense of what , where , when or how long . The only thing she knew for sure was that she was awake , in no pain and alone . She couldn 't even tell if it was day or night until she looked out the cave . Finally , she guessed that it was morning because the cave began to lighten . Then she remembered everything , but now her leg had been healed as well as the breaks in her chest and when she tested her voice , she found she could talk but her voice was even quieter than it had been before . Slowly she got up and went to the pool . The water was cold and tasted good . Then she went to check the food and found a shock . Over half of it was bad . She must have been asleep for a long time . The woman took the bad and threw it out of the cave and when she looked back and divided it up into small portions she came to have 15 meals . At one meal a day , it would last 15 days but the food , in truth , was only going to last about three may - be four before it too was inedible . She ate what she could of the worst of it then went back and laid down . Sleep was the last thing she thought she needed but sleep claimed her again . This went on for another two days . She was awake and sitting by a small fire having just finished the last of the food when she heard a noise and ran to the nest to hide . The dragon came in , landing softly . " It 's alright . You don 't have to hide . I won 't hurt you . " " Why did you heal me ? I 'm not a good pet . I made you hurt me . You should have let me die then you could have gotten a better pet . " " No . I was wrong to do what I did . It was the pain that was talking , not you . And don 't talk like that . I don 't want you to talk like that . Now come out of the nest and see what I have for you . " The woman got out of the nest as she was told and walked over to him . The dragon took a large sack from around his neck and opened it . To her surprise , it was fresh food . But at just that moment , something inside her jumped and she had to run to the cave entrance and lose the food that she had eaten before . " I am , believe me . I had to eat the last of what was here not long ago and I don 't think some of it was good . I think I need to lie down again . I 'll make a stew later if that 's all right with you . Or are you wanting something . " the woman kept her head down not wanting to see his face . " No , you rest . I 'll start the stew in a little while for you so you can have some when you wake . " The woman went over to the nest , climbed in and fell asleep . The dragon was a little concerned when the woman got sick and the concern grew as the woman slept , for she slept for almost a full day . When she finally woke , she got up slowly and after a small drink , she got up and ran to the entrance to be sick again . When she lost all that she could , she just turned and sat against the wall , shaking . The dragon didn 't know what to do but then the woman saved him from thinking about it . " Please help me . " her voice was just barely a whisper and she held out her arms with what looked like all the energy she had left . The dragon hesitated for a moment then all but ran to her and took her up into his arms . " What 's wrong with me ? Why am I so sick ? " she asked . " Can 't you look into me and see why ? I don 't feel right . And there 's a knot in my lower stomach that I noticed the day before you came back . " " What ? " the dragon placed the woman in the nest . Then he looked at her with his dragon eyes that were said to be able to see right through a person . For a long moment , he stopped breathing . The woman waited for a very long time as she watched the dragon go through a bunch of different expressions . Finally , she couldn 't wait any longer . The dragon shook himself all over then looked into the woman 's face . " There is . . . I can 't believe this . Woman your . . . This is impossible . . . There 's a life growing inside you . " the dragon pulled back away from her with both awe and fear on his face . " How can that be ? Dragons and humans can 't cross breed . How can I be carrying a dragon ? I won 't survive it . " the woman wailed with her whispering voice then began crying . " Humans and dragons can breed . " The dragon said very calmly . " But I 've been mating with human females for over two hundred years and have never had this happen . I couldn 't even get my own kind pregnant the one or two times , I tried . How have you done this ? " he glared at her . " I was just remembering how you found me . I was nude when I was chained to that stake . I have no memory of been chained to it . I have no doubt that the elders I hit arranged it but if they were mad enough , would one of them have done something before they put me in that field ? Was I still a virgin when you took me from that field ? " " You were or I might not have taken you after the first time . Virgins have both a taste and a smell that is unmistakable , as well as their maidenhead . I 've been the only one with you . " Both the dragon and the woman were quiet for a long time . Finally the woman spoke . " I can 't carry this child . Who knows what kind of monster it will be . Besides dragon children would be big , I 'd never be able to pass it . It would have to be cut from me or claw its way out . Either way it would kill me . " The woman leaned up onto the side of the nest and looked to the entrance . The dragon followed her gaze . " Don 't even think about it ! " " I can 't do this . Humans are pregnant for nine months , who knows how long a dragon is pregnant for . Please , I can 't do this . Even if it survives it will be a monster . Please , just kill me ! "

Good Morning . How have you been ? It 's been a while since I wrote you a letter . I have been busy with work , masters , and life over again . Thank you for the sun that you send to brighten my day every day . I love it . I love the rain that you send to cool me down after a hot spell . Thanks for the flowers that you make bloom I think we just hit a rocky patch . I had unrealistic expectations . Sometimes I want things and I want them now . And I expect you to provide them in a snap . But God your wiser then me . You know what I need and don 't need and when I Kamau stood at the edge of the shamba waiting for Nyokabi . He was so excited and he could hardly contain himself . He whistled as in his mind he formulated his life ahead . When Nyokabi came into view he stopped whistling and watched her walking towards him . He thought to himself that he had never seen a more beautiful woman in his life . Nyokabi had a round beautiful face , with bewitching black eyes , with full lips and spackling white teeth with a gap in the front teeth . She had long black hair and a beautiful figure . When Nyokabi saw him , she smiled . Her smile was as blinding as the sun as when she smiled her dimples came out and her eyes twinkled . When Nyokabi reached him she asked " well ? " " I Got an A . " said Kamau . Nyokabi squealed and jumped to hug him . Kamau held her for a moment or two then reluctantly released her . Nyokabi pulled him to her and kissed him . Kamau was surprised he had not expected this . The kiss was sweet , Nyokabi tasted like nectar and Kamau could have kissed her the whole day . Then Nyokabi stepped away from him . She said , " I always wanted to try that . I loved it . " Kamau and Nyokabi had grown up together in the same village in the rural area . Their parents had farms on adjacent properties . Nyokabi 's father also did business and had increased his wealth . This had not really changed the strong relationship between the families . It was when Nyokabi 's dad was made into an mp that things changed . Nyokabi and her sisters were removed from the local primary school and taken to private schools . Nyokabi 's dad Mr . Mbaya started letting the power get to his head . He stopped associating with the people in the village and started spending all his time in Nairobi . Mr . Mbaya then moved his family away from the village to Nairobi . The gals would only come to the village doing the holidays when they had closed school to spend time with their mother who had moved back saying that the city was too crowded and crazy for her . Mr . Mbaya started acquiring new friends in the city , influential politicians , and businessmen . He now had no time for small time farmers like Kamau 's father . They stopped visiting each other and their families slowly drifted apart . Kamau and Nyokabi remained friends though . They were the same age and had gone to primary school together . Nyokabi had been taken to a British curriculum school and so she had finished earlier then Kamau and already had her results . Nyokabi had told Kamau that if he passed very well her dad would give him a job and pay his fees at university . Kamau and Nyokabi cheerfully discussed their dreams . Kamau wanted to do architecture and design and build houses . Nyokabi wanted to be a lawyer . After around 2 hours they left the shamba chatting happily unaware that they were being watched . XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Nyokabi went home a happy girl . She had wanted to kiss Kamau for ages but had never had the courage . She put her fingers to her lips as she thought about the sweet kiss , her very first . She had never felt the way she felt about anyone else . She had always had a crush on Kamau . He was a great guy but abit shy . Kamau also had a great body like one of those stars you saw in the movies . Kamau was around 6 feet tall and had broad strong shoulders from working on the farm . He was actually nicely muscular . The most arresting thing was his eyes . He had black eyes with a ring of brown in them . He was dark , very dark but he had a handsome face . the thing that people liked about Kamau the most was the fact that he had a good heart . He was always good to people . Mr . Mbaya looked at Nyokabi and said , " Nyokabi I thought you were taught better manners then that . First greet me then you can tell me what it is you want . Kamau got an A . well that 's good . He can come work in my office until he 's to start university then he will get money to pay his fees . " " Young lady do I look like a charity ? I have to look for money to pay for your degree in the UK . I don 't have money to waste on Kamau . He is not my son . If his parents had been hard working like me they would be able to afford to send him to university . " " Dad , I told you I don 't want to study abroad . I want to go to university in Kenya . I want to study here ! " cried Nyokabi . " I have already paid the fees for the first term . You will leave in two weeks with the daughter of Njenga , the MP of Nyeri . You are going to be a great lawyer when you come back . That subject is closed ! " With those words Nyokabi 's heart sunk . That night when he went to bed he started thinking about Nyokabi . He could not believe Nyokabi had kissed him . It was strange . Kamau had started having feelings for her when he became a teenager but he had never told her . One because he was shy and two because her dad had become an mp when they were in standard eight and the social divide between them had grown . Nyokabi wept as she lay in her bed . She could not believe that her dad could be so cruel and inconsiderate . She had all this plans in her head about going to university and convincing Kamau that they belonged together . During high school when the other girls had many boyfriends she had remained alone thinking only of Kamau . She was not naïve . She knew that since her father became an MP and got rich they had a lot of money . There were now class differences between her and Kamau . But that didn 't matter . What matters is how I feel about him . Nyokabi woke up late because she had been tossing and turning because she couldn 't sleep well . She woke up tired . She went downstairs to have breakfast . Looking outside the main window she saw mama Nyambura standing outside . Nyokabi frowned wondering what the old lady was doing there . Mama Nyambura was the village gossip and trouble maker . She seemed to like spreading trouble and gossiping about people . Nyokabi did not like her at all . " I guess the old witch wants to see my dad to ask him for money or something . " Oh ok . So it 's not true what mama Nyambura is telling me . That you let that boy kiss you . That you let that filthy boy touch you . " Nyokabi was left speechless for a minute . Mama Nyambura looked very satisfied . Her mischief was done and now she had gossip for the whole village . The MP 's daughter with the neighbor 's son . She wondered how much chumvi she could add to the story . " Nyokabi answer me . Tell me you did not let that boy touch you . I am going to have that boy thrown in jail . How dare he touch you ? " That seemed to inflame her father further . " Oh it was you . Is that the girl you have become ? Throwing yourself at any man . Is that what they teach you in school ? What the hell were you thinking ? I blame your mother . She is not watching over you . This boy will see who he is dealing with . " Mr . Mbaya turned to Mama Nyambura . " Please go . I will deal with this matter . I will give you some money later . Don 't tell anyone what happened . If I hear this story will know it is you who has spread the story and you will be sorry ! " Mr . Mbaya told Nyokabi . " After all I have done for you , you still think like a villager . I am very disappointed in you . You will never see that boy again . Go pack your things . I am taking you to Nairobi today . I will change the flight . You will leave for the UK today . " " I don 't want to hear anything from you . Go get packed now . Let me deal with that villager . He will know who is playing with . I am going to have him arrested right now . No one touches my daughter . No one . ' ' After saying that Mr . Mbaya stormed out . Nyokabi was left in the office crying . Oh what a mess , she thought . She knew her dad was not joking when he said he would have Kamau arrested . What can I do ? She ran outside and went to the shamba behind the house . Kariuki a childhood friend of hers worked in the shamba for them . He had never finished high school and had gone to work for the Mbaya family to feed his family . Kariuki please do me a favor , run to Kamau 's house . Kamau should be in the shamba . Tell him he needs to go away . My father has gone to get the police to arrest him because he kissed me and Mama Nyambura told dad . Here , I have 200 shillings . Tell him to go hide in Nairobi because my father will hurt him . XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Kamau was singing as he raised the jembe up and down to till the land . He had a deep melodious voice , the type of voice that would make the gals swoon . He had a Barry white sort of voice and in high school he had been very popular at the music festivals . All the high school girls would run to hear him sing and imagine that he was singing to them . Kamau was happy . He felt like things were finally going right for him . He was formulating plans in his head about the things he would buy when Mr . Mbaya gave him a job . Kamau turned from where he was tilling to look up . He was at the bottom of the shamba near the river . He saw Kariuki running towards him . Kariuki was a childhood friend of his and he was wondering why Kariuki was looking for him at this time when he should also be working . Kariuki ran down to him . He looked frightened . Kamau 's first thought was that something had happened to Nyokabi . Kamau asked , ' what 's the matter ? Is there something wrong with Nyokabi ? ' Kariuki took a deep breath then said " Kamau there 's trouble . Mama Nyambura told Mr . Mbaya that she saw you kissing Nyokabi now he is mad . He is going to get the police to come and arrest you . Nyokabi says that you should go hide for a while . " By this time Kamau 's parents had come to hear what the commotion was about . When Kamau 's mum heard that Mr . Mbaya had gone for the police she started weeping . Everyone knew the police were not to be trusted and that they sold their services to the person who could pay the most money . Efficiency and effectiveness was based on how much you could part with from your pocket . Kamau 's father took charge . " Kamau go pack your clothes . You can go live with your cousin in Mathare valley in Nairobi until things cool down . Mama Kamau go and wrap some sweet potatoes for Kamau . " The family hurried to the house . Kariuki went back to tell Nyokabi that he had passed the message . Kamau did not have many clothes so he was packed in a few minutes . He hugged his mother then his father walked him to the matatu stage so that he could get a matatu to the center from where he would get a bus connection to Nairobi . Kamau 's father told him , ' my son don 't worry . We will resolve this issue . I will send a letter when it is safe to come back . Be good and don 't get into trouble . " A matatu came right then and Kamau entered to start his journey to Nairobi . Kamau looked out of the window looking at his dad whose figure got smaller and smaller . Kamau was in shock , things had happened so fast that he had not internalized anything . Kamau had no way of knowing it but it would be very many years before it would be safe to come home again . Mr . Mbaya entered the police station and asked to speak to the policeman in charge . The police station in the area was not as big as the ones with the city and so there were no senior policemen stationed there . You had to go down to the center to get the big guns . As he waited for the sergeant to come and see him Mr . Mbaya was formulating his plan . He intended to have Kamau throw in jail and given a thorough beating for what he had done . He knew he had to spin the story so that Kamau looked really guilty . ' I will make you pay for touching my daughter . ' The sergeant got a couple of policemen together and he briefed them . He them told mweshimiwa that they had no fuel for the police car . Mr . Mbaya removed 1000 from his pocket and gave it to the sergeant . Mr . Mbaya led the way in his car to where Kamau 's parents lived . The policemen went to the door and knocked . Mama Kamau opened the door . By this time Kamau 's father was walking back to the house . When he reached the house he greeted the mweshimiwa and the police like there was nothing wrong . He asked with a smile , Mr . Mbaya , what brings you here . It was been a long time since you visited our house . Mama Kamau please make for mweshimiwa and his escorts some tea , Baba Kamau looked shocked and then he said , " Mr . Mbaya are you sure . My son would never hurt your daughter . They are childhood friends and he would never ever hurt a woman . " Mr . Mbaya by this time was spitting mad that he had not caught Kamau . He had wanted to be the first to take out his whip and beat the boy until he learnt about respect . He was not here to be told about Kamau 's good qualities . He said , " Your son assaulted my daughter . He was about to rape her when one of my workers came in and saved her . Since your son is not here we are going with you to the police station . When your son comes he will come find us at the police station . I am not stupid . You are hiding that boy . You are hiding that rapist . " Back at Mr . Mbaya 's house Nyokabi was so scared she could not think . She decided to go talk to her mother hoping that she would talk sense into her dad . Her mother was in the kitchen boiling some maize . She told her mum the whole story as it had happened and told her mum to talk to her dad . " It wasn 't Kamau 's fault . It was mine . I am the one who put him into problems . Mum please talk to dad , please . " Nyokabi 's mum promised to talk to her dad . Then she said , " We don 't want your dad to be angrier when he comes . Pack your things so that when he comes you can go to Nairobi . In the light of what has happened I think its best you go away for a while . " Seeing that Nyokabi was upset she said , ' Nyokabi you are no longer a child and you have to stop acting like you are . This situation will not be easy to resolve and you refusing to go will make things worse . Or is there something else that you 're not telling me . " She said this looking at Nyokabi 's belly . Kamau reached the city quite late . The roads were bad and it had taken a couple of hours to reach Nairobi . Because he didn 't know how to get to Mathare valley at night he had only gone there during the day he slept at the bus station . It seemed there were a lot of other stranded people who had to sleep there . At that time there were no mobile phones so he could not call his cousin and his cousin lived in a slum with no telephone in his house . He was very careful with his money because he had heard people in Nairobi were bad . They could steal your shoes even as you watched . In the morning Kamau woke up to the sound of bus conductors calling for customers to different destinations . Kamau stretched trying to make sense of where he was . He saw a man selling some mandazi 's and went to get some . He was very hungry . When he came back to where he had been sitting he found his bag was gone ! When he had gone to get some food someone had stolen his bag . Mr . Mbaya went back to the house in the evening a very disappointed man . The police had looked for Kamau around the village but had not found him . Kamau 's father was still in police custody being used as bait to get Kamau out of hiding . When he got to the house he went looking for Nyokabi 's mother . " Mama Nyokabi , " he said , where is your daughter ? We are leaving for Nairobi today . I hope she told you what she was doing with Kamau . This is all your fault ! You should have taken care more about your daughter . Tell her to come downstairs now ! " with that statement Mr . Mbaya stormed off to the bedroom . Kamau was so shocked to find that his bag with his clothes was gone . He was so stunned that for about ten minutes he stood staring at the spot where he had spent the night . He was wondering what he would do now that his clothes and the map to his cousin 's house in Mathare valley were gone . At least he had put his money in his shirt pocket so that it could not disappear . He sat down on the hard bench to think , his appetite had disappeared , and he could not even think about eating the mandazis in his hand which now seemed unpalatable . He calculated in his head what he needed for the journey to mathare valley . He had used most of the money for the trip but he had around 60 shillings left . " I hope its enough to get me where am going ? The first thing is to get to Mathare valley to my cousin 's house . " Kamau walked towards the direction he had been shown . He was looking at the buildings and the seemingly busy people who seemed like ants running around , everyone seemed to be in a hurry . In his mind he thought that it was a shame that he had come to the city under such bad circumstances . He had always liked coming to the city when his school used to come for music and drama festivals and also when he came to visit his cousins . In an hour 's time after making many twists and turns in Mathare slums he found his cousin 's house . On knocking there was no reply . A neighbor came and said that his cousin Njoroge had left for the day to go to work in the construction site where he worked . He would have to wait for evening . The neighbor went back into his house not even bothered to invite Kamau in to wait for him . Nyokabi had landed at the airport in the UK . She was jet lagged , fatigued but the worst thing she was broken hearted . She could not believe things had turned out this way . Her father had taken the family back to Nairobi and changed her flight to leave the next day . She was to stay with her relatives in north London before she started school in 6 weeks . She had already done the interview for the British High Commission but she had been hoping that she could change her dad 's mind about studying abroad . As she left the airport with her relatives she looked out at the surroundings . It was snowing and there was mist everywhere . She could not believe her father had banished her to this cold , strange place . She was trying to keep her emotions under wrap . Her relatives were excited to see her . They assumed that she was excited to be there . After all every Kenyan fantasized about the chance to go abroad and study or visit . Nyokabi had cried during the flight . She had gone to the bathroom numerous times to cry . She had wished for her bed so that she could cry to her heart 's content but here she was stuck in a plane full of strangers so she could not give in to her misery in the open . She already missed Kamau and wondered what he was doing and how he was coping in Nairobi . Kamau was wearing his cousin 's clothes . Since he had been robbed he had only the clothes he had been wearing . His cousin had come home in the evening and Kamau had told him what had transpired . Njoroge had felt pity for Kamau . " You can stay here for as long as you like . That mp of ours has grown too big for his boots forgetting where he came from and that just the other day he was just like us . " Kamau had not eaten the whole day so he prepared for them a meal . Kamau agreed with the idea . The next day Njoroge went to the construction site to talk his supervisor about getting Kamau a job . Njoroge 's boss got him a job carrying stones with a wheelbarrow to the construction site . Kamau had started work and found the work hard . The stones were very heavy and pushing them in the wheelbarrow was not an easy task . Kamau welcomed the work though because it kept him busy from thinking too much about what was going on at home . ' I wonder how Nyokabi is doing ? I hope Mr . Mbaya did not lock her up . And my parents I hope them are ok . Mr . Mbaya is capable of doing anything . But I will go home soon and then I will find out what happened . ' XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Nyokabi sat at the head table as she looked at the people in the room , her guests as it were to her graduation party . She had graduated from the University of London with a degree in law . After what had happened to her and Kamau she had felt helpless . She had wanted to help people be able to fight for her rights . She wondered what had happened to Kamau . She had no one to give her the information . She had never come for holiday visits to Kenya , her father preferring to keep her away . Her parents and siblings had moved to Nairobi after the incident because of what had happened to Kamau . It is only after the village elders and Nyokabi 's mother 's intervention that kame 's dad was released . But during that time bad blood had developed between the villagers and the Mbaya 's family . Mr . Mbaya had been forced to take his family to Nairobi . " So much for the dream that Kamau and I will find each other and live happily ever after . I know that after what my father did , Kamau will never want to talk to me again . I wish I could see him and tell him how sorry I am . I wish I had never kissed him not for my sake but for his . Maybe things would have turned out different . ' Nyokabi thought to herself . Kamau sat in his office at Nyaga Construction Company . He was trying to finish doing the payroll for the construction workers . Kamau was the cashier for the construction company that had hired him four years ago . He had worked in construction rising up the ranks from carrying stones to being a fundi . Kamau had seen this as his opportunity to get a better job . He had been tired of being a fundi . It was not something that required him to think . It was a routine job that was very repetitive and boring . He also needed money for university . His letter had come for the university and his parents had sent it to him . He knew he could not apply for HELB because it would mean that Mr . Mbaya could track him down . He needed money to pay for his exams . So he went to talk to the boss . The boss was surprised . " If you got an A in accounts , what are you doing working as a laborer . Bring your papers and I will think about giving you a job on probation " Kamau had given up the idea of doing architecture . It was a full time course with no classes in the evening . Kamau was heartbroken to give up his dream but he knew that in life sometimes you have to take the lemons and make lemonade . A year ago he had started his degree in the parallel programme . He was studying accounts and business . He was enjoying the course and the things he was learning . As he sat in his chair he thought about his life . It had not turned out the way he expected or dreamed . He thought about Nyokabi a lot . He wondered what had happened to her . He knew that she had been forced to go to the UK . But since the parents had moved to Nairobi no one seemed to know what had happened to her . Kamau played in a band called " the kikuyu calabashes . " He was actually the lead singer although he had come into the group as the last member . The group was composed of four guys and a girl . It had all come about a year ago . Sometimes Kamau 's classmates from university parallel program would invite him out for a drink . It was at one of these nightclubs that he met Angela . He had no idea how that encounter would change his life . Angela was the female singer and dancer for the band . She had moves like Shakira and had a full African figure . Big breasts and big hips . She was not what you would call beautiful . More like very pretty . But when she was up with the band she was sensational . No man could take his eyes off her . It 's like she spun a spell with her sexy voice and sensual seductive moves . Angela was a woman of the world , loved the sincere flattery that she heard from Kamau but she was not interested in his opinion . He looked like a simple guy . From his dressing you could tell that he didn 't make much and he had that cheap look that said he was probably a student . He was handsome , she thought and he had a deep voice that for a weaker woman would have made her tremble . But she was not a weaker woman . She dismissed him as a bother . Angela looked out for number one . Herself . She was not interested in admirer 's who could do nothing for her . She had rent to pay and other things that needed money . But somehow that comment about the guitar player not doing her voice justice stuck in her mind . The next night she invited her boyfriend over to hear her play . He was a record producer who had been telling her for ages that he would get her a demo tape . That had never materialized . Angela didn 't let it bother her . She knew he was using her and she was using him . Angela made sure that at any event she attended with her boyfriend she would attach herself to an important musician . Sometimes she would find herself going back to the musician 's house for a little fun . She didn 't mind . That 's how things were done . Some might have called her a groupie but she didn 't go by that . You would never find her following those musicians around begging for scraps of time or a photo opportunity . Angela was smart . She was not one of those women as she would tell herself . I am going to make it and make it big . Everyone will remember my name . Now this was interesting . Her boyfriend had never told her the guitar was off . Clearly he did not have her best interests at heart . Clearly it was time to let him go . He couldn 't help her anyway and she had heard that his studio was having money problems . " I don 't hang out with losers . Its time for you to hit the road , " she thought . She thought about her problems . She tried to tell the guitar player to work on his skills but it seemed he thought he knew better . After all what did she know about guitar ? Two weeks later Kamau was back with his friends . Even though he had never quite gotten over Nyokabi , Angela was on his mind . He was infatuated with her . He had not really had time to socialize much in the city . With his busy job and university he was so swamped and tired at the end of the day all he wanted was his bed . Kamau was no fool however . He understood signals and he had gotten the signs that Angela was just not interested . But it didn 't stop him from thinking about her . Her music drew him to her . She was like a flame that moths gravitated towards not knowing that their death might be imminent . " Sweetie , " she said , how are you . I haven 't seen you for a while . I thought you liked my singing . I was sad when you didn 't come back ! " as she sat at an empty seat that one of Kamau 's friends had just vacated to create room for her Kamau could not believe that she had remembered him . He was mesmerized by her lips that had some shiny red lipstick that seemed to glitter . As if to heighten the effect she took a cigarette out of her stocking . ' Sweetie , please light this cigarette for me , " Angela said . Kamau looked around to his friends to see who had a lighter . One of his friends who smoked gave Kamau his lighter . Kamau leaned in to light Angela 's cigarette which was now on her lips . He could smell her perfume , something light and fresh . It smelt heavenly . Angela took a puff and then said , ' honey I have been thinking about what you said about the guitar player . I think that it may be true that he is not so good . Would you happen to know how to play ? I would like to see if there is a difference . Would you play with me one set ? Please baby ! " and with that she leaned forward and showed Kamau a glimpse of her cleavage . Poor Kamau . He wasn 't thinking properly . Actually at that moment if she had told him to go to the moon he would probably have found a way there . Kamau agreed . Angela went to the guitar player whose name was Michael and told him to go get a drink . She had gotten a friend of hers to do the next set . Michael went off , glad for a chance to get some beer and some rest . That gal is so pretty but she is such a bitch , he thought as he went to the bar to get himself a drink or two . Kamau took the guitar and tuned it . It felt right in his hands . He did not have a guitar to play with at home . He had left his guitar when he had fled the village . But sometimes in the youth service he attended he was called to play and sing whenever there was a special guest coming in . The music was flowing . Kamau had a gift for musical instruments . He could play and had played most instruments including the Isikuti while in high school . The only thing he had not learnt to play was the piano because his school could not afford one let alone hire a teacher to teach it . At some point Angela asked Kamau whether he could sing and when he said yes , Angela asked him to join her in a song . The chemistry was amazing . The music sounded good to the ears . It was like collaboration between Barry White and Mariah Carey . At the end of the performance the audience clapped and cheered asking them to play another number together . They seemed to have real appreciation for the duet . When Angela saw how people were appreciating the music more and seemed to be focused on her , she realized something . She had to get Kamau into the band and under her thumb . He was going to be her ticket to fame . Nyokabi sat on her bed and wept . The party for her graduation and homecoming had taken place hours ago . The party had wound up at around 2 o ' clock with people going off to various spots to enjoy themselves . But Nyokabi had not felt like celebrating . Her degree seemed to her an empty trophy . She could swing it around yes and show everyone but somehow to her it meant nothing . The past four years that she had spent in UK doing her degree and pupilage had seemed to have dragged on . She had hated the winter . The place was so bloody cold . She wondered how anyone would survive and thrive in such an environment . She had wanted the sun , its warmth on her face as she woke up and went through her day . The weather had just made more depressing a situation she had not wanted to be . She had not wanted to go to the UK . She planned to hate it with all her heart and grudgingly do her degree . Eventually though she found that the city had cast a spell on her and she started to love it . There was nothing to go home to . No one knew where Kamau was and she hated her father with all her heart for what he had done . Nyokabi chatted with her mum every week . On Saturday night she would call her and they would catch up . She had tried to tell her mum about email but her mother just didn 't seem to get the concept so they were forced to write each other letters . She would get so excited to get letters from her mum and sisters . Her dad wrote too but she didn 't care about that . Nyokabi largely ignored him unless she was asking for money for allowance and expenses . Nyokabi had a social one through a screwed one . She had made friends with a couple of girls and they had become close . But men , she stayed away from them . The experience with Kamau had scarred her . It was partly because she was in love with him and was sorry for ruining his life and also the guilty at what her dad had done ate at her . She did not want to be distracted from her studies by men who were just passing time with her . But as the years past Nyokabi gave up on the illusion of love and of finding Kamau . " He probably has a girlfriend or two . He is so handsome and his voice … . . " she would think . By second year she had mellowed at least a bit . Nyokabi started going out with the girls out on the town to have a great time . She did not drink much though . She was scared of what might happen if she set herself loose . Nyokabi had seen what happened to some girls when they got drunk . They would strip their clothes or start singing at the top of their voices . Sometimes they would let a man take them home . " That life is not for me . I want to get my degree and go home . I don 't want attachments or one night stands . " Nyokabi had not let go of her old fashioned values . She did sometimes though wish she had a boyfriend who loved her and cherished her like some of her friends had . Nyokabi put all her energy into school . She always ended up in the dean 's list . She was an outstanding student but a D average in social skills . Some campus guys were fascinated by her . She was very beautiful even by standards outside of Kenya . They kept trying to woo her and were not rebuffed when she said no . they tried again and again . Eventually they got the message that " Nyokabi was not available " So here was Nyokabi back in Nairobi . She had her degree in law but she had no love . The worst thing was Nyokabi felt lost . She felt like she was caught in a time warp . Things had changed and no one had time for her . Her sisters were close probably because they had not been banished abroad although they went to expensive schools in the city and one was in 1st year at university . Nyokabi had tried asking her mum about Kamau . Mrs . Mbaya had looked at her daughter with a sad look in her eyes and said , " Kamau 's mum no longer speaks to me and no one from the village has told me anything . They all despise us for what your father did . But I heard I don 't know if it is true that Kamau is working as a clerk somewhere in the city . ' Nyokabi 's heart had sunk at that news . Kamau with all his potential was a clerk . She thought Kamau must hate her and curse her every day for that kiss . She had no doubt at all that Kamau was in that situation because of her and her dad . " I am going back to UK . There is nothing for me here . At least there I have friends and I have a purpose . I don 't want to stay here , " she thought as she buried her face in her pillow and tried to get some sleep . Mr . Mbaya relaxed in the tent outside his house . He took a sip of his expensive whiskey as his friends chatted all around him . " This was all worth it . My daughter is a graduate of a prestigious university with a law degree . " Mr . Mbaya frowned as he thought of how that imbecile boy had almost ruined his daughter 's future . Mr . Mbaya had no apologies what so ever for what he had done . He felt he had been justified in what he had done . Given a chance he would have done it all over again . As he looked as his beautiful expensive house in Karen with a view of the Ngong hills he thought , " Look how far I have come . With my brains and sweat I have gotten myself here . Who would imagine a simple poor village boy would get this far . " Mr . Mbaya had been born Jon Mbaya Mburu . He had been the last born of a family of six children . His father had been a teacher and his mother a stay home mother and farmer . When he was two his father abandoned them and went to the city to look for better fortunes . He had never returned . His mother had been forced to raise him and his siblings out of her earnings from the farm . Before his father left Mbaya and the family had not exactly been staving but they had gotten by . When his dad left there was no money . Eventually to make money maze 's mum started brewing traditional changaa . There were always men , drunk men around their house . Sometimes one of them would become a temporary occupant of his mother 's bed . Mbaya grew up hating his circumstances . " I will get out of here . I promise . One day I will get out of here and I will never look back . I will not be poor like this forever . I will make it no matter what it takes . " Mbaya would go to school in the mornings . Well , when there was no work in the shamba or helping his mum get the ingredients for the changaa . Making changaa wasn 't easy . The police were always coming around for a bribe or sometimes for a drink . Sometimes especially when there was a new boss at the station there would be harsh measures . The police would come and carry away the drums of changaa and his mother to boot . She would end up spending a couple of days in the cell while she negotiated her release . During those times the family would go hungry . Everyone around them was also poor . They did not have money to feed 8 empty mouths , the two extra being children Mbaya 's mum had gotten with different men who had stayed over for a couple of months before moving on . By the time Mbaya was ten all of his siblings had left . His two sisters had gotten pregnant and married the losers who had gotten them that way . Their lives were pretty much what their mother 's had been . Suffering and more suffering . Mbaya 's brothers had all gone to the city to look for money and their father . They promised to return and save the family . None did . It 's like they left the filthy hut with the fermented smell and the black cockroaches and say au revoir . So by the age of ten Mbaya was the defunct head of the family . Mbaya was clever . He found ways to hide mtungi 's of changaa far away from the house where the cops even if they came would never find them . He also found a way to distribute the changaa so as to make maximum profits . He would borrow a bicycle sometimes and cycle with some of the changaa and distribute it . Soon people started sending him to other areas to buy and sell for them things . He would charge them a commission . By the time Mbaya was seventeen he had bought two bicycles of his own . He used them for transporting goods throughout the region and he had expanded his area of operation . He had even made friends with the police . Paying the police a monthly bribe to stay away from the operations . He even distributed changaa at the police station . The changaa he made was very good , he had taken over from his mum who had succumbed to the lure of alcohol and started consuming her own brew . After that he moved his base of operations to river road . He had stopped dealing in changaa when his mum died when he was 18 . But he had learnt lessons from doing that business that he brought to the city . Including how to put the police into his pocket . Mbaya had met his wife in the city and they got married . He had never told her where he had come from , telling her that he was an orphan who had siblings but they did not talk . He had bought land where his wife 's family came from and that 's where they had settled . Now as Mr . Mbaya looked at his house and laughed with his wealthy friends he was content . " Look at me now . I have made it . And I have plans for Nyokabi . She doesn 't know it but she is going to make me an extremely wealthy and influential man . " XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Kamau looked up at the sign as he got out of the cab which had brought him from the hotel . He smiled . He had come from very far to get here . He was the Ebony in the band . It had taken him five years to get to this moment . This gig in London . Five years ago he had started playing with the kikuyu calabashes as a guitarist . He had composed a couple of songs for them to play and then he became the lead singer as well . His voice had attracted many fans . Because of his fame he got a recording contract as a solo artist . He started going by the name Ebony . Eventually the band started working for him as his backup band . The band changed to Ebony and the Kikuyu calabashes . He hadn 't neglected his studies though . He had finished his degree in accounting and graduated with highest honours . This had helped him in knowledge of how to manage his money and invest his money . He had made a lot of investments which had made him wealthy . In the last five years he had gotten many recording contracts . His voice had made him famous and rich too . He had sung in front of many crowds and VIPS . As his fame grew he got more gigs playing outside the country . In the last three years he had been playing all over Africa , in the states and in Europe . Kamau was in London to play at the Playful Kittens nightclub . But that wasn 't his main gig . He had been hired 3 months before to play at the engagement party of some big shot Kenyan lawyer working in the UK . Kamau entered the club and went to check on the sound equipment . He always had made sure that the equipment was working . The band was already there doing a sound check . Angela was there as well looking sexy as usual . " Ah Angela , " thought Kamau , " my sweet Angela . The poisoned apple " Angela had introduced him to the band . She had seduced him to get him to join but just fell short of sleeping with him . Later when he had become famous and his fame overshadowed hers she realized how the winds were blowing and she tried to jump on the ship that was sailing faster than hers . She had tried to seduce him to her bed but by this time Kamau was wise to her . He realized when working with her that she was a woman who liked to use men . Kamau did not intend to be a victim . One woman had already cost him a lot . He didn 't intend for another to mess him up again . His new motto was , " keep your money close , and your heart closer . " Kamau never got rid of Angela . Part of it was gratitude for getting him into the band as an unknown . Part of it was because Angela had a great voice and an even better body . She knew how to dance and move and keep the audience captivated . It would be a foolish thing to get rid of her though sometimes Kamau wondered at the wisdom of keeping her as well . Kamau dated when he had time . He had never forgotten Nyokabi but he realized he had to move on . Unfortunately no one touched his heart enough for him to settle . Nyokabi looked out of her penthouse apartment in the middle of London . It was snowing outside . Inside the gas heater was turned up and it kept the room warm . Her heart was cold though . It felt like ice . Nyokabi 's fiancé David Mureithi was due to pick her up for dinner . She didn 't feel like eating . Actually she didn 't feel like seeing David at all but she had to and that was that . " What was I thinking , getting engaged to David ? I don 't love him ! He is a really nice guy . I have known him for ages and his ideal husband material . Why can 't I love him ? What 's wrong with me ? " Nyokabi 's father had introduced her to David at a party when she had come back to Kenya during one of her undergraduate years . He was the son of a Minister . David worked as a lawyer for a big financial firm in UK . He was in Kenya on holiday . Nyokabi and David hit it off and became friends . David was interested in Nyokabi . He tried to ask her out but she kept refusing when they were back in London . When they came down for a wedding to Kenya for a mutual acquaintance he tried again to ask her out . Mr . Mbaya noticed his interest and asked him to join him for a golf game . After playing golf Mr . Mbaya and David went for drinks . David said ' well sir , I like your daughter and I would really like to know her better . But she rejects any attempts I make . I have asked around but she 's not dating anybody . I don 't understand it . She says she likes me but she 's not interested in dating " Mr . Mbaya took a sip of his beer . He thought of how he would approach this . He saw David as his ticket to bigger things . If Nyokabi married David he would have access to the big time and those stupid villagers who were trying to sabotage his plans would be like insects to him . Mr . Mbaya did what he does best . He lied . " I told Nyokabi to concentrate on her studies and not be distracted by relationships . I think she took my advice too seriously . " He laughed . Mr . Mbaya continued " I think she likes you a lot . But of course her studies come first . If you are serious about her . You will wait . She is almost through with her degree and she wants to do her masters in International Law . After that she will be free . I have no objection with you dating her . Let her finish her studies . " What he didn 't add was it would give him more time to work on Nyokabi to get her to go out with David . David had kept his word . He didn 't disturb Nyokabi any more about dating her . He went out with other women in the meantime . He was a man after all and he had needs . He was not an angel to wait for a woman who would not be available for three years . In the meantime Mr . Mbaya was working his magic on Nyokabi . Trying to convince her to give David a chance . When she finished her masters in law she came back to Kenya . Mr . Mbaya said , " I know what you were thinking . But no , I did not pay all of that money for you to do your degree and masters for you to waste it in Kenya ! International exposure will help you in your future . I am only trying to help you . " " Another thing , David works in the firm where you 're going to be working . Look him up ! I know you 're not going out with anybody and he is a good man , " Mr . Mbaya said . Mr . Mbaya said , " No am not trying to set you up but David is a good man . He acted very interested in you a couple of years ago . You 're not getting any younger Mr . Mbaya said . Mr . Mbaya said , " No am not trying to set you up but David is a good man . He acted very interested in you a couple of years ago . Your not getting any younger you know . Now that you 're done with your masters you should settle down at a job and get married . I want grandkids . You should give David a chance . " I don 't love David . But then again I don 't love anybody else right now . Let me just get over with this , " Nyokabi thought . Nyokabi engagement party was the next day . They had waited four months to throw their engagement party because of their work schedules and the availability of all the members of their families . David had gotten a famous band from Kenya to play . Nyokabi didn 't know them . She didn 't much listen to Kenyan music . Nyokabi decided to get ready . It wouldn 't do to be late . She and David were having dinner with the Lead partner at their firm and his wife . David was a senior partner but she wasn 't . David and some of his friends had decided to go into business for themselves and formed a new firm two years ago . Nyokabi had naturally moved to the new firm . Actually she hadn 't wanted to move but her father told her to launch herself on David 's star which would be shinning for a very long time . Kamau and the band went to set up . The address for the engagement party they were playing at was very posh . There were beautiful mansions , with huge lawns , flowering trees , and green fences fortified with electric fences . They made houses in Lavington , Runda , or Kitisuru look like they were middle class houses . The engagement party was at 7 pm . It was 2pm . Events in people 's house 's usually involved a lot of issues so it was important to get there early , set up , do sound checks etc . Kamau looked at the houses . He wondered what kind of people lived there . He didn 't envy them . He had seen what money did to people and he always wondered what people did to get big mansions and expensive apartments . He had money , yes , actually now with careful investments he was rich but he didn 't let it get to his head . By 6 ' clock they had finished all their preparations . The maid had called them to a separate room where they were served with food and drinks so that they could play throughout the session . They were to play from 7 to 10 pm . By 6 : 30pm they were back in the ballroom . They started performing some melodies to get in tune . Ebony and the Calabashes played a mixture of kikuyu , Kiswahili and English songs but they mostly did kikuyu music . At 7 pm the function started . Most of the guests hadn 't arrived by 8 pm . It was a Kenyan habit to be late to functions . The Host , a David mureithi , had already come and told Kamau to play the song " Nyokabi " when he went to the door . " My fiancée is called Nyokabi and she is very beautiful . I want it to be a surprise for her . When I walk in with her please play the song , " said David . Nyokabi was running late . Her family was staying at her house and they had delayed her . Having four women in the same house going for the same event was a disaster . They were running late by an hour . Nyokabi could have done without attending the event at all but you can 't miss your own engagement party . Eventually they arrived at David 's mansion . It has been a present given to him by his father who was a very wealthy Kenyan minister . He had told his son David that since he didn 't plan to go back to Kenya then he could keep the house permanently . Nyokabi called David to tell them her and her family had arrived . David and his family came to the door to receive them . When Nyokabi walked in the door she heard a song playing in Kikuyu . It was something about a beautiful girl called Nyokabi . The voice singing the song was so rich and deep . She looked immediately to the stage at the front and gasped . Kamau was playing the song Nyokabi when the most lovely angel walked in on David 's arm . She was dressed in a red satin dress that clung to her curves . He thought " damn that woman is hot . David was right . His fiancée is very beautiful " Kamau got stunned for a few seconds and lost his voice . Luckily the band was covering him so it didn 't become apparent . Kamau felt like his eyes were deceiving him . It couldn 't be yet it was . It was Nyokabi . A very beautiful , grown up Nyokabi . And she was engaged to David . Nyokabi froze . She thought she was in a dream or something . It was Kamau , standing there playing the guitar , singing a song about her . David didn 't seem to notice her fascination with the tall , handsome man on the stage . He thought she was talking time to appreciate the song about her . " I thought it would be a surprise . I can tell from your face that you 're surprised . A song about a woman called Nyokabi . It 's like he wrote the song about you , " David said and chuckled . David continued , " It 's a very popular song in Kenya . The singer Ebony wrote it a couple of years ago . Maybe later I 'll introduce you and you can get a signed autograph . Beautiful song . I love it . Every time I hear it I think of you ! " Nyokabi was speechless . She didn 't know what to say . Anyway what could she say ? ' David that 's the boy I fell in love with many years ago . The boy I shared my first kiss with . The boy whose family my father destroyed . The boy who has now become a man . " Kamau could not believe it . He continued playing . His mind was in turmoil . He was thinking about Nyokabi being in London at the event he was playing at and being the bride to be . At ten when the guests were leaving David brought Nyokabi to say hallo . " My dear fiancée was impressed by your song . I think she wants an autograph . Let me leave her here to find out how you wrote a song about a girl just like her . Your band was amazing . Well worth the money I paid . " Nyokabi said with a shaky voice , " for everything my father did to your family . For everything that happened to you . I am so sorry . Please forgive me " Kamau smiled and said " you have nothing to be forgiven . It 's your father who did all those things . Anyway I let it go . It would have made me a very bitter man . Anyway I have left your father to God 's judgment . He will get his just reward . " Nyokabi winced then said " it 's not like that . " Then she said , " Actually it is like that . But what was I supposed to do . I know my dad is not a good man but he does love me . He thinks David will make a great husband . " Kamau laughed and asked , " Nyokabi your still very naïve even if you 're a lawyer . Is marrying David going to be what 's best for you or best for your father ? Your father is not a good man . He has known criminal connections in Kenya . Wake up and smell the coffee . " Kamau picked his guitar , put his hand in his pocket , and brought out a card . " Here 's my card . If you ever decide to out from under your father 's thumb call me . But know I will not wait forever . Now that I have met you again I don 't want to lose you but you have to make a decision about what you want . " Nyokabi sat on her bed with her suitcases . The last two weeks she had been contemplating what to do . To stay with David or to go look for Kamau . She was torn between the loyalty she felt to her father , her family and her heart , which told her that Kamau was the man for her . One look at him and all the feelings she had felt as a young girl had come rushing back . Nyokabi was supposed to be flying to Kenya in the morning . Her wedding was in two months . The firm had given her three months off for her wedding preparations and honeymoon . Nyokabi had spent the last two weeks walking around like a zombie and thinking about what she should do . She couldn 't believe what Kamau had said about her father . She decided to call a friend of hers who was practicing law in Kenya to ask . Nyokabi confided in no one these things . She didn 't even confront her father . So much made sense to her now . Why her father wanted her to study law . Why he had pushed her to go out with David . " I am just a pawn to my father . A pawn to be protected and then sacrificed when needed . I can 't believe this . I think mum tried to tell me not to trust dad but I refused to listen . I was so blind . " Nyokabi stared at her mobile phone debating on who to call . Her father or Kamau . Finally she picked up a card and called the number of Kamau . They talked for a few minutes . She wrote a letter , put her engagement ring in it , sealed it and but it on her coffee table . Then she picked up her suitcases , paused at the door and walked out of the house she never intended to ever return to . Nyokabi lay on her back on a beach chair in a red bikini . She was enjoying the warmth of the sun . Her body glistened with the sunscreen and baby oil she had applied to it . Suddenly she felt warm hands on her back and a voice saying " hey beautiful lady . Want me to apply some sunscreen on your back . You missed a spot . Am ready and willing to be your slave each and every day to oil that beautiful body . " Nyokabi laughed and turned . She gave Kamau a beautiful smile and pulled his face down to hers for a passionate kiss . Her wedding ring sparkled in the sun . I love to read and write . I also love to inspire people to be better but also to better their country . I love food so I use alot of food analogues . I hope this blog entertains you but most of all that it makes you think .

Today marks the end of our first month in San Diego , Balboa Naval Hospital . When we arrived we thought we would be here through November , and into December only we didn 't know for how much of December . Now , it looks like there is no solid end in sight , and it might carry on through the rest of the year . Having said that we might have a change coming up . The biggest obstacle right now is simply finding a house that Jason can live in , at least for a few months , and possibly for the entire time he is here . I have searched through about 100 listings , and we even have gone out and looked at a couple of possible places , and they did not pan out . Today I was able to identify a property that isn 't ADA compliant , but otherwise a very good fit for what Jason and his family would need - and like . We will be headed out there for a visual inspection and then if it still looks good , we will see if there is money to make modifications to the house , so that it can accommodate Jason 's wheelchair , and a few other needs . I have already spoken with the owner and she was agreeable to my ideas , and is even willing to let Jason have his pets there . I have also spoken to a few of the people with the different support organizations and right now it is being investigated . Truly this could be a win - win situation all . This is something new to pray for , for Jason and his family . The only " different " visitor today was from the Hospital Chaplin , a Navy Captain . It was a very good visit for Jason , and they talked for nearly 30 minutes . Actually I was very impressed with him , as he really knew how to relate to Jason , and didn 't seem to have any barriers or walls , while maintaining a solid level of professionalism ( that 's hard to do sometimes ) . He said he would be coming around again and looked forward to talking more with us . Jason had his OT and PT today , and both were good workouts . Jason 's phantom - pain is still causing him some trouble , though not nearly as much as a few days ago . For those that don 't know , phantom - pain is where the patient feels pain where there is no longer a limb or appendage . For example , Jason was having some pain in his left foot and ankle . There are a number of visual treatments for this , and Jason does try them all , though nothing has helped much yet . Strange part of this is that most of the guys experience this only a couple of months after loosing a limb then it goes away over the next few months . I just hope it doesn 't hinder his progress . Not much else going on today . We are expecting some visitors though the rest of the week and weekend , so we 're looking forward to being around more friends and family . Thank you , for all your prayers and continued support . Today was a good day , as Jason went to OT and then on to PT , and all within the Hospital ( The C5 gym is in another building across the court yard ) . First there was talk of doing the dressing change in his room and then go to OT . Then there was talk of taking a shower , new dressing and then on to PT . Then , finally , there is what happened . . . Lynn , from OT , came in and said she was going to be helping Jason with his shower , and then left . I helped Jason get in to his chair , so he could get to the shower , and he went into the bathroom , and started to shave . I thought this was good , as he was starting to really need a shave , though I seldom tell him that . After he got himself all cleaned up Lynn came back and then we helped Jason get into the shower . It was actually kinda cool as Jason did most of the work himself and Lynn and I pretty much just stood on the other side of the shower curtain while Jason washed himself . The last time Jason took a shower , it was recognized that another bar was needed on the wall , so he could support himself . That bar was put in about 30 minutes before he took the shower . Funny how things get done around here , but what the heck , the bar is there now . He got back on to his chair and then on to the prone cart , so that the new dressing could be placed back on , and then , just a few minutes after that ( literally no more than three minutes ) we were headed down to the PT gym , where Jason was going for his work out . Dawn came in to help , since Michelle had to be somewhere else . She worked Jason pretty good , and he was exhausted when they were done . We got back into his room and was getting ready for Jason to get back in bed when Lt . Bary came by and said she had not seen how Jason got back in bed . She had heard that it was a cool one - move swing , so she wanted to see it . Jason just sort of chuckled and reached up to the trapeze and swung back into to bed , like he has int he past . The only trouble with it was that just as he was starting to make the move Lt . Bray was called and she turned her head , Jason had a visitor today , the Honorable John R . Campbell , Deputy Under Secretary of Defense for Wounded Warrior Care and Transition Policy , came by . He stayed for several minutes and we talked about some of the challenges we dealing with , especially with housing , and he said he would be looking into it . He gave me his business card and said he would have his people checking to see how Jason could be helped . He also signed the Red Book and left me with his contact information . The rest of the day was spent looking at possible housing and watching a movie . I was given access to a housing listing , from the military and Jason and I went through nearly 80 listings . Found a couple of places that we though showed promise , only to find that they don 't allow pets . Fortunately , there are still over 1 , 000 more listings to look at , so for the next few days I will be taking some time to see what I can see . The movie we watched , after dinner , was the Pirate of the Caribbean , the last one they made . It was a silly and sometimes down right funny movie , and it was entertaining . One other thing that I was told happened today was Jason 's truck was finally looked at and perhaps we can finally get it shipped out here , so we can close that issue . I 'll know more tomorrow . Thank you , all , for all the support and prayers that have been coming Jason 's way . I know you 're also praying for others , and that makes it even better . I will be continuing with this blog , as long as Jason is still healing , and once he gets over to the real rehab work , then I don 't know if I 'll be making daily entries . I suppose I will be figuring that out as we get there . First , apologies for the late post . It has been a very busy day for Jason and I , and I am still not done . The down side is that tomorrow is going to be another busy day , and I need to get up early , or as early as I can . Jason had OT this morning with Lynn , and she spent a little over an hour with him , working on all kinds of different exercises and skills . I got over to see Jason , and effectively watched him finish his breakfast . We then talked for about 30 minutes , and then he needed to get ready to head over to the gym . Lynn wanted him to stay up on the floor , and use the smaller gym , to save some time , and make it easier for Jason to get to and from the gym . Once Jason was done Michelle ( PT ) came in and worked him for another 45 minutes , to the point that he was very tired . Jason was still demonstrating his determination of healing and getting as much of his life back as he can , so he puts his all into everything he does . Once he was back in his bed it was getting close to lunch for him , and I knew he would be going to sleep . Well , I had a couple of personal things I needed to take care of , so I told him I 'd be back in a short while . When I came back he was sitting up in his bed , playing his video game and just relaxing . I asked him if there had been any visitors , and he said only the YMCA came by , and otherwise there was no one . I was actually glad to hear this , as I was gone longer than I wanted ( almost 3 hours ) and I like to monitor his visitors , so that he doesn 't get over worked . Dinner came and I guess they did a great job of getting it right this time , as he was pretty happy with what he got . I asked him if he would like to watch that final movie ( the Pirates of The Caribbean movie ) and he said he would . Problem with that one though was that about 20 minutes into the movie he started experiencing lots of different " hot - spots " , as Jason likes to call them , along with phantom pain . Bottom line is that they had to give Jason some pain meds and he needed to lay flat , so that meant the movie would have to wait until tomorrow . I hung around until I was sure he was comfortable and then came back over to the Fisher House , as I had laundry to do anyway . I just finished the laundry a few moments ago , and that 's why I have a late entry , so sorry to all those who wait up to see this . Tomorrow should be another busy day , but not as busy as today . . . I hope , and besides the laundry is done . . . ; - ) Thank you , for all your continued support and all the prayers for Jason and all the others who are in need . Went over to see Jason this morning and he was still having his breakfast . After breakfast he needed to get ready for PT , so that he could get some work on his arms and shoulders . I have to admit , I was not particularly happy with the efforts of the woman who did the PT today , as she seemed to be very low in energy , and without much concern for what got done . I will speak with the regular PT folks and ask that Jason only have better people on weekends , in the future . Anyway , after PT I asked the nurse to check out some of the dressings that were in need of some attention , so she did and asked the on duty doctor to come by . He did , and said that they bandages did look a little more colored than usual , and that they should place additional padding on , as the dressings were going to be changed in the morning anyway . I said that , that was all I wanted in the first place , but I needed to have one of the medical team do it . Tomorrow , prior to the new dressings going on I believe Jason is going to get a shower , and that is something he is really looking forward to . You always feel so much better after a shower , and there is some real healing done when you 're clean . Not much else going on today . We did have a couple of visitors today , two nice ladies from the Wounded Warrior group , Doreen and Barbara . The difference is that they came while Jason was down at PT , so we didn 't have the Red Book with us , so they didn 't sign the book . They did leave us with their contact information , and said they would help in locating a house for Jason and his family . We 'll get them to sign the book next time they come by - in about a week or so . Otherwise Jason and I watched some football ( well , actually only a couple of quarters of two different games ) ; Jason played a video game that he plays on line and I did some web searches for a rental property . Finally , we watched The Green Lantern ( the movie ) , and when it was over I took it , and Super Eight , back to the Red Box . We still have the fourth Pirates movie , and we 'll watch that tomorrow . Overall , I 'd have to say it was a good day . The weather has been excellent , and we are both feeling good . We have visitors coming this week , from home , so it is going to be a good week . Thank you , for all your prayers and the continued support . We got up early this morning and I went over to pick up George , so that after breakfast we could just go over and see Jason . We had breakfast at the Fisher House , and then we finally went over to the hospital . It was probably better that we ended up going a little later in the morning , as he was able to get his PT work in , before we got there , though Jason was a little tired from the work out . So we visited for a while , and then noticed he was starting to fall asleep . Linda and George ( III ) had to head for the airport , as their plane was leaving early this afternoon , so perhaps it was better that Jason was getting tired at that time anyway . We all said our good - bye 's and then I took Linda and George to the airport , and Jason went to sleep . When I came back to Jason 's room , one of the first things he said was that he would like to get out and go around in his chair . We did a little tour of the campus , at least more than we have done in the past . We even went over to building 26 , where I showed him where the Marines had an office , and we got to see what one of the rooms there look like . We have spoken with the doctors about Jason possibly moving to one of the rooms , if a house isn 't ready . Unless they are going to be doing some serious remodeling or reconstruction , there is no way that his current bed will be able to get into one of those room . Just makes it that much more imperative that we find a house so the family can all be together again . This evening , Jason and I ate some pizza and watched a movie - Super Eight - one of the three that he got out of Red Box . It was one of those movies that he wanted to see over these past several months but just haven 't been able to , and we 'll probably watch another one tomorrow ( not sure which one ) . The pizza was good , but not the best we have ever had , so we will continue to look for a good pizzeria until we find the one we really like . Anyway after that I could see that he was getting tired again , so I told him good night and headed back over to the Fisher House to end the day and update the blog . Thank you , for all your continued prayers and support . Today was a day of mild activity and more family visits for Jason . We started by going over to the hospital and finding out that he had already gone down to work with OT , over at C5 . With that little tidbit of knowledge we ( Mom , George , David , Miriam , Dylan and me ) all headed over to see what was going on . There were some conditioning things OT was doing with his arms , and then the focus went to his hands , and wanting to get them stronger . As it was , it was the perfect things to be doing because Dylan wanted to help Uncle Jason . It was great watching Dylan put the pieces of wood in place so that Jason could use the tool to pick them up and place them back in the container . I think Jason would have rather just used his hands to pick up the wooden blocks , but then they wouldn 't have given him any of the exercise that was intended . Jason was able to get through all the blocks ( or pegs , if you like ) and he got a good work out of his right hand . Along the way we got a bunch of pictures and we may have gotten our first video to be posted on the blog ( won 't get posted until tomorrow , at the soonest ) . The session took a little over an hour , and because of the need for the dressing change there was no PT today . Once we got back to his room we got things ready for him to have his dressing changed out . The wounds are looking better , though there is still some areas that need to get in better shape . Talking with the wound care nurse , she told me that they wanted to place more treatment on the open areas , because they are being so stubborn , and I am glad to hear that . I 'm also going to be asking Jason to get a little more aggressive with the use of the prone cart , as that should help with the healing as well . Not much else going on today . David , Miriam and Dylan had to head back home this afternoon , and Linda and George will be doing the same tomorrow . Tonight we had dinner with Jason , and watched a couple of silly movies , and also finally did some catching up on some mail that arrived recently . Mom read it to Jason , and when there was something to show , she would show it to all of us . Jason agreed that he needs to write some letters to these folks , as he doesn 't want them to think he is being rude , and doesn 't care . Its just that writing isn 't something he does well right now and he wants to do the writing , rather than dictating it to me . Thank you , to everyone for all their continued support and continued prayers . They are very much appreciated . You might say we got off to a slower start today , as Jason woke up , ate breakfast and just visited with family this morning . There really wasn 't much going on until noon , so he didn 't have to hurry and do anything . David and Miriam got in early this morning , with their son Dylan , so now Jason has two of his brothers here , along with Mom and Dad . Sean , his youngest brother , called him this afternoon , so he was able to at least talk with all his brothers . And he was able to call Bridgette and talk with her for a nice phone visit . The girls were asleep so he will have to wait until tomorrow to get a chance to hear from them . We all visited with him and basically talked about how he was doing ; some of the things he was expecting to do over these next few weeks ; and , what was going to be happening today . This took us up to about 11 : 35 , when the nurse came in and wanted to be sure we were all prepared for today , and that she was ready to call whomever we needed her to call , to make sure that our transportation was here . I thanked her for the offer , and then assured her that I wasn 't too concerned as the folks at the Armed Services YMCA contacted me a couple times already , and I was sure the bus was coming . Then , Jason started to get ready for the event . It is really great seeing him basically get dressed on his own now , with the only real help I provide is to help him get his shirt on . I expect even that to end soon , as he continues to get stronger on a daily basis , and I won 't need to do anything . The driver called me , just as Jason got into his chair , and wanted to let me know he was down stairs , and I told him we would be there in just a few minutes . It was a small bus , and we ( our family ) were the only people on the bus . It didn 't take too long to get squared away , so we could get over to the restaurant , and see if there were going to be any celebrities there ( besides Jason ) . We arrived and saw that it wasn 't really what we had expected . There was a line of people out the door , about 100 long and the interior was packed with people . Fortunately they were expecting us , and we had a reserved table all set up for us , so we just sat down . Originally they told us that Jason was to be served and the rest of us needed to get in line to get our food . Linda , being the experienced lady that she is , simply said to the server , " So , Jason is supposed to eat alone while we stand in line ? " I guess that question made the server think a bit , and then said we could go sit down and they brought all of us our food - - Served it pretty fast , too . While we were seated Junior Seau came over and sat down with us ( sat with Jason actually ) and visited for a couple of minutes . I got some pictures at the table , as did David and Miriam , and for a little while we felt like celebrities . . . I knew there would be some . After he left we were offered desserts , multiple times , and I didn 't want to hurt anyone 's feelings , so I took a few , and so did everybody else . We finally had to start turning them away , as we were all pretty full by the end of our third dessert . Jason was able to deal with the trip , the meal and all the excitement there at the restaurant , and we stayed for nearly two hours . When we finally did start to make our way back to the bus I could tell that Jason was feeling a little tired and worn , so I don 't think we could have stayed much longer . Jason got back to his room , and back in his bed and I think he felt much better . It was still afternoon , so we all decided that Jason had the best idea and we headed off to our respecPosted by Jason was fitted for his new seat today , and that should be a major step towards being able to really get into his rehab . We went over to see him this morning and we brought George ( III ) with us this time . George came in last night , quite late ( he must have been on the last flight in for Southwest ) , so needless to say he got to bed late too . Funny thing is , he is very much like me when it comes to sleeping . I get to bed late and still wake up early , and so does George . I had just gotten out of bed this morning when he called me and wanted to know when we were coming over to pick him up . . . He wanted to go see Jason ! I told him that Mom and I had to still get up and get dressed , and then we 'd be over . When we got to the hotel he was waiting outside , so we basically just stopped to let him get in and then we were off . As it turned out , Jason had already gone to PT and was just getting back when we got there . Fortunately I had told Jason that we would probably be a little late , since I knew we had to go pick up George and that would add significant time to our regular schedule . As I said , the main thing that was done with PT was the creation of the seat , and that took most of the time and energy for Jason . The only concern is that it could take up to six weeks to get it back . There were some challenges with creating it , and we knew there would be , so we 'll see what they are able to do . If all goes well , and we hope everything does , this should also allow for a more effective prosthetic for Jason , and perhaps they would be able to create that device a little more quickly . The rest of the afternoon we spent with Jason , and we all had a very nice lunch in his room . The food was brought in by one of the groups supporting the wounded warriors and their families , so we were all very appreciative of all that was brought in . Tomorrow is going to be another good day for getting food , and we will probably get much more than we did today . Jason is going to be going to a restaurant with us and then after , we are all coming back to the Fisher House to have more food . We might even get a chance to watch some football - The 49ers are playing the Ravens , and it should be a good game . There is much to be thankful for , and we are so happy that we get a chance to be here with Jason , and the rest of the family that is here . Thank you , all for all you do and for all your concerns and support , and especially for the prayers . Well , things are starting to really fall into place now . Linda and I took Jason down to the Healthy Back to select a bed for his new bedroom . Actually , it was kind of funny , when you think about it . The folks responsible for putting everything together so he can move into a new home have been putting mild pressure on us to pick out a bed , because it takes a few weeks to get it ordered . Well , we got to the point of ordering the bed and was told we can 't order a bed until we have an address - and we don 't have that yet as we are still waiting on those same people mentioned earlier . As soon as we do get a final address we 'll be able to quickly order the bed and it should arrive shortly after we have moved in . Another thing that has come up is the creation of a custom seat for his chair , and possibly for his prosthetic , when that is finally built . Tomorrow they will take an " impression " of Jason 's bottom and create a seat that provides the best support for him . I think this is probably one of the best things he 's heard about in a long time . The seat he currently has helps some , but does not provide a good foundation that he can sit on for prolonged periods of time . Jason also had some time in the OT and PT gyms ( they 're actually two different sets of equipment , in two different locations ) . PT seemed a little upset with OT as she let it be known that she didn 't want to see Jason tired out again , and especially tomorrow , since that 's when the seat customization work is going to be done . Jason spent a couple of hours at the two respective gyms and had a great workout . He was truly tired and when we got him back to his bed he just wanted to take a nap . The timing worked well though , as he was able to sleep a full two hours before the ride showed up for us to head out to the bed store . George , Jason 's oldest brother , is coming in tonight , to have Thanksgiving with us , and I 'll need to head over to the airport to pick him up . Then tomorrow David , Miriam and Dylan will be coming down for the same reason . The sad part is thaPosted by Today was a pretty good day for Jason , as he started the day out with his breakfast , and then took a shower . It was the second shower he has taken , and despite our best efforts , it went more smoothly than we could have expected . There was a great deal of confusion as to what the schedule was going to be , since there were a number of things that needed to be done . 1 - Shower , 2 - Work with OT , 3 - Work with PT , 4 - Coordinate other activity with the medical staff . Well , the PT person called in sick so that goofed up the plans a bit , and then OT had to go work with another patient , so then she was going to have to come back . Actually her coming back was going to be better , as it gave Jason a little time to get ready . The shower must have been wonderful for Jason because once he got in to the shower he sure didn 't hurry to get back out . Once he did finish and then get dried off he had to have a new set of dressing put on his wounds . I took a good look at them and they are all starting to look pretty good . This made me feel very good . They even started to talk about getting the PT folks to begin working on his customized seat . They really can 't do that until all the wounds have healed completely , and this is the closest we have been . Once that happens it opens a door to so many new areas , and Jason can begin to work in a much more aggressive manner towards his rehab . So stay tuned for the continuing excitement here . We also had the housing people come by ( they actually do other things , but because they control the housing for Jason , that 's how I refer to them ) to let us know that we can begin looking for other possible homes for him to move into with his family . They let us know that they are also going to be doing some work on another house to see if that will fit the bill for Jason , so things are beginning to look good there as well . We hope to have a house identified for Jason , Bridgette and the girls within the next couple of weeks . Jason had a visitor today , Mark , who came in with prosthetic legs , and there was some mud on them . They also looked different from any that I had see previously . I asked him if he had been " off road " and he said he had . He had been hiking up some of the trails , and the legs he was using were designed specifically for this function . He also had two hiking polls , just like the type anybody else would use , and he used them to help keep his balance . It was pretty exciting to see him and get a chance to talk with him about this activity . I could tell Jason was interested in what he was saying , and that he might want to possibly do that in the future sometime . Not much else going on today , other than the usual hospital operational stuff , and it looked like Jason was pleased with the day , when we left him tonight . Thank you , for all your continued prayers and support . Not much to report on today . Jason went to PT , later in the morning . Still working on his balance and doing some strengthening moves . Then he headed back to his room , where he stayed the rest of the day . We originally talked about getting outside for a little today , but then it started raining , so we stayed in side . Funny thing is , a movie came on that seemed appropriate , at least a little bit , " Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs . " We also watched a little football , Jason played his video / computer game , and slept . Along with all that he did have a visitor , Patrick , from Okinawa . Well , he really wasn 't from Okinawa , that 's just where Jason and Patrick originally met , when they were both attached to the EOD team there . Patrick is now with the Fist EOD Company and out of Camp Pendleton . It was a nice visit , and though I think Jason enjoys Mom and Dad being there , I think he enjoys even more when he sees one of his fellow EOD brothers . They tend to speak a different language , and it does give him someone else to just talk with . Tomorrow will get us going back into a more set schedule , at least for a few days , and then we begin the holidays . With that I am going to say , " Thank you , to everyone for all the continued support and prayers . " Today was another Saturday , much like last Saturday . Got up and had breakfast ; talked a little and then went on to PT , weekend PT that is . The philosophy ( I think ) is to be sure that Jason gets a chance to do something , other than just lay around in his bed . This is fine , except that the PT person brought in to work with Jason is unaware of what Jason 's needs are , and so far they have not taken the time to really familiarize themselves with Jason 's file , or what really should be worked on . Don 't get me wrong , the weekend team is trying to do what 's right for Jason , and at no time is Jason in any danger of being injured , its just that the same basic questions get asked , and it feels like we just go round and round , over the same material . Jason is cooperative , and goes through the exercises , mostly because its something to do , and the sessions don 't last much longer than 30 - 45 minutes anyway . And that 's how we started the day today . Instead of going back to his room Jason and I just continued on down the hall to the elevators , and then we went outside . It was relatively nice , and we didn 't go anywhere in particular , just stayed down in the courtyard area . We also went over to the Red Box , to see what , if any new DVDs were out , and we didn 't see any from the last time we checked it out , besides , neither of us had our wallet with us . It was just a goof - off kind of day , and that 's what we did . When we were finished we came back up to the room . Jason and I talked about nothing , but it was good just to talk . Mostly it was about the dumb stuff we were seeing on T . V . , and wondered who came up with this stuff . It was just about time for his lunch and I asked him if he would like to have anything special , and he said , " sure . " With that I offered to go get him a milkshake , and this time it was coming from Baskin Robins . Linda and I went out and found one of their ice cream shops and I ordered a milkshake for him and me , and Linda had a double scoop of rocky - road ice cream . Not much else happened today , as we had dinner , and then a short while later we came back to the Fisher House . Because of the similarities of the days , I am thinking that I might begin to cut back on my blog posts , unless something else happens on the weekend , and only post during the week . Let me know your thoughts on this . . . Another building day for Jason , as he went early to the gym with the OT therapist . She isn 't very big ( can 't weigh more than 100 lbs . ) yet she can get Jason working and sweating pretty good , with some simple routines ; and , she is supposed to be the lighter workout person . Jason was on his way to the gym at about 08 : 30 this morning , and he went over on his prone cart . There are some benefits to being on the cart , as it allows him time to lay face - down , exposing the wounds to a little more air , and it gets the pressure off of them for a little while . The real good aspect of all his workouts and moving from bed to cart ( or chair ) and then to the gym , is that he is getting better and smoother with each attempt . The OT work lasted for well over an hour , and then PT came in to the picture . She made the comment that next time she wanted to get Jason before he was worn out . She could see he was already sweating pretty good when she got there . The efforts that she wanted to work on with Jason was on his balance , so it was good that we brought along his chair seat , as that is about the only thing that we currently have that allows him to almost sit up straight . They still need to make him a new seat , but that isn 't going to happen until his wounds are done . Once the gym work was done we headed back over to Jason 's room . Almost as soon as we got back into the room and settled , one of his case worker came in and wanted to know if a decision had been made on the house . Well , the good news with the house is that it was more accommodating for Jason 's needs , though it still isn 't going to work out for all his needs . It is a two story dwelling , and as a result , just isn 't as safe an area for them to have the family , and ALL of Jason 's needs . He will be taking his bed , the one that he currently is sleeping in , so wherever he ends up going , they will need to have extra wide doors . The chair is one thing , but the bed is another . The bed needs a doorway of 40 - inches minimum , in order to get put into the room . Even the rooms at buildiBelieve me , Jason would love to get out of the hospital , but there are a few things left to be taken care of , prior to that happening . In the mean time , we are getting to know the medical staff here , a great deal better , and they are getting to know Jason ( and me ) . Our comfort level is gaining every day , so the feeling of " we made the wrong move " is steadily going away and being replace with confidence . Progress is happening on the home front , and Jason is getting anxious to see his wife and kids again , and is looking forward to seeing them next month . I think one of the things that he would like to experience with them , is simply all sitting down together as a family , in their own place , so that is a high priority for him , and that is why he works so hard . Stay turned for the progress and all the developments that come . Jason 's day started out a little different than other days . Not because he had breakfast with Mom and Dad - which he did , in his room ; and , not because of special visitors - which he had . It started differently because right after breakfast , his OT ( occupational therapist ) came in and said she wanted to work on some different skills today . Well , the different skills turned out to be learning how to take a shower . The plan , originally , was to get dressed and head over to the gym with OT and then later work with PT and come back to his room . What happened was that the wound care team came in and said they wanted to do a dressing change , and that is what we did . As it turned out , I did all the bandage removal , and that went well . Then one of them , I really don 't know who , suggested that Jason should consider taking a shower today , to help with the healing . We all , including Jason , though it was a good idea so OT did an immediate change of plans , and started working on Jason taking a shower . First , when doing a dressing change Jason if more comfortable with being on the prone cart , and that is where he was when this started . Now he needed to transfer over to his chair . We had to get his chair set up , so that he could comfortably sit on it , without all his bandages ( that is . . . padding ) . We placed a sheet on the chair and Jason sat directly on the sheet . We then had to move the bed , so he could get to the bathroom and shower , and that took a few minutes . Once in the lavatory he needed to figure out how to get to the shower . There was a special chair put in so he would be able to get all showered up , without worrying about his chair or seat cushion . I was working directly with OT , so I would know more about what needed to be done in the future , because Jason would no doubt want to take another shower someday ( they are now scheduled every Monday and Thursday ) . Jason felt really good after the shower , even though he also felt very tired . It was a great deal more work than what he is accustomed , and that 's okay because he sThere were a couple of special visitors for Jason today , Brigadier General Dana , and his Chief of Staff , Colonel Hollahan . Both of the men knew Jason from Afghanistan , and saw Jason before he came back to the United States . They were both wanting to know more about how Jason was doing , and just get an understanding of how he was progressing . There visit lasted for nearly an hour , and we had a great discussion . The General said he was headed back out to Bethesda soon , and would look up a few people for us , and let them know Jason was doing well . We also talked about some of the challenges we were dealing with , with the biggest being Jason 's truck , and getting it out here . We told them about how his truck suddenly stopped working so the Colonel offered up some names and contact information of people that can help to get the truck running again . I will be contacting them tomorrow , and hope that helps Bridgette , so she doesn 't have to worry about it any more . She has plenty of other things to get done and should be able to just not have to deal with the truck too . Thank you , for all your support and continued prayers for Jason and all the Wounded Warriors . Today was a very busy day for us , again . At least the first part of the day was . Jason and I had breakfast , early this morning , and then within a few moments of us finishing eating we began to get ready to go to PT . Actually there were a few medical interrupts that needed to be taken care of first , and then Jason started to get dressed . It is very rewarding to see him nearly dress himself now , with only minor assists from me , and he does it very quickly . The doctors have requested that Jason lay prone more , so we took his prone cart to PT . The cool part was how he was so easily able to slide ( transfer ) from his bed to the cart , and even better was that he has now also figured out how to get back from the cart , into bed . This is way cool . . . Jason worked with his physical therapist for most of the time at C5 , and then spent a little time with the occupational therapist . Again , he worked on strengthening his body , with a emphasis on his back and arms . The OT work was more on getting the flexibility of his hands to a level that they are happy with . All total , he was working for nearly two hours at the gym , and that is the longest he has been able to go so far . After the gym we went outside to the " fair " in the courtyard , where we were able to see some of the activities and opportunities available to the wounded warriors . We actually saw some folks we know , and I took a few pictures , then Jason needed to get back to his room . It was now time for lunch , and actually , it was a little late , but we hadn 't eaten yet , so we could still call it lunch . Jason 's lunch was brought up ( they were holding it since he had gone ) and then I took off to get myself something to eat . I came back over to the Fisher House and fixed some lunch for Linda and I . I was back over to see Jason a little later and he and I talked more about what he was thinking was going to be his new life here initially and then later on once he has moved on , past rehab work . It was kind of nice just talking with him and just letting the ideas flow . We also talked about other important stuff like how well his shaver was working , and the battery life of his tooth brush . Jason started with a busy day of needing to get down to the C5 gym , where he was able to work on both physical as well as occupational therapy . The two therapists were happy with his results and would have liked to have had more time to work with him today , so decided to have him start even earlier tomorrow . This morning I went over and had some oatmeal with him ( with raisins and brown sugar of course ) , just to be sure we both had some breakfast to get started . Then , just a few minutes after we finished we had to start getting ready to go on down to the gym . We didn 't get very far , and then there were all kinds of people coming in to his room . They were asking questions about his " new " house , and wanted to know if there were any other things he had questions about . Actually , that is one of my favorite questions . People ask , " Do you have any questions ? " and I am sure they are being as honest with it as they can be . The problem is that the real response is , " I don 't know enough to know what to ask yet . " But that question does come up often enough . Anyway , we worked on making sure the right transportation was coming , later that morning ; Jason asked them to begin getting the correct paperwork together for his kids , as they will be needing day care , once they get here . We also talked a little about making sure all his household belonging were going to be brought out in a timely manner . All of this was discussed as we were trying to get out of the room , so he could get to C5 and the gym . Oh , yes , one other thing . . . His bed was not functioning correctly and they needed to order another one . Well , we finally made it over to the gym and he got to work on the Pilates equipment . It was stuff he had not worked with in the past , and I think he had a good time doing something different . All that w \ ork was directed at strengthening his arms and working his shoulders . Then Lynn , the OT lady came over to help him in some of his normal daily living skills . As it turned out , she was wanting him to work on being able to get dressed on his own , and then found out that for the most part he already is getting dressed on his own . She saw how he was able to do most of the move , unassisted , and was both surprised and pleased . Once the work at the gym was done , and it was actually very impressive how one thing stopped and the next immediately began ; there was a driver from the Marines who was to take us over to Jason 's new house , so he could take a look at it . We got over to the house and found out that Jason 's chair is a little larger ( wider ) than most of the chairs , and he was not able to maneuver around in the house as he would like to be able to do . Jason quickly decided that it was not a good fit for his needs , and so we had to let the Housing folks know that another place was going to have to be found . This is a little concerning as we now are looking for Bridgette and the girls to be coming out very soon . We did a little more looking around and then headed back to the hospital . We all felt that it was a good visit , and we were glad that we went . We mentioned to Jason 's nurse that he had seen the house and she said she was glad he had done that . Apparently most of the patients just go along with whatever they are given and then find out they are not happy with the housing and are now short on alternatives . With us taking Jason there and finding out now , at least there is a chance that it can be corrected . Jason rested for most of the rest of the evening , and we didn 't see any visitors . Today is Linda 's and my 36th wedding anniversary , so we talked to Jason and let him know that we wanted to go out and see a movie , at a theater . It was the first time I have been in a movie theater for almost a year . The movie we saw was entertaining , though I 'm not going to give it a plug here . It was just nice being able to do something a little different , and knowing that Jason was okay . Today was another positive day for Jason , even if the folks down in the galley can 't get is meals right . Jason was feeling pretty good and we got up and out of the room right after breakfast . By 09 : 15 we were headed over to the C5 gym where Lynn ( Occupational Therapist ) began working with Jason on his hands and arms . Michelle , Jason 's Physical Therapist , came in at about 10 : 00 and wanted to work with Jason on his transferring skills . While he was in the gym , working with Lynn , I got some pictures , and then when he was working with Michelle there were more pictures taken . The cool thing was that the transferring skills were specifically targeted at making it possible for Jason to go from his chair to my rental car , and then back again . The first thing that was needed was for me to bring my car up to the front of the hospital , and then Jason was brought down to the car . We soon discovered that the car I have does not accommodate wheelchair transfers very well . I am going to need to go back to the Marines and see if I can get a different vehicle , a van maybe , and then have Jason do the transfer moves . We need to be able to do this , so that when we finally get moved to out - patient status , I will be able to shuttle him to and from the hospital on a daily basis , and there is a vehicle big enough to do it . I 'll know tomorrow . Speaking of tomorrow . Jason is going to be able to see his " new " home tomorrow . We are all headed over there tomorrow afternoon , and then we 'll have lunch . This home will be where he and Bridgette , and the girls live while he is an out - patient , and is being provided by the Marines . We 're also going to see about getting Jason over to the store that is ordering him his special bed . This should prove to be another busy day , as they are all starting to turn in to . One of the big things for today was the dressing change . He is looking better , again , and Jason could be ready to move in to his new house as early as next month - early next month . Obviously there are a couple of things that need to be in place , as well as having all his wounds finally closed up . We are working with the medical staff to get a better handle on the pain management , and that is moving along very well ; we are working with the PT folks , as mentioned above , and that is working well ; the house looks like it has been selected , as long it is what Jason wants ; and , finally , once the house has been selected we need to be sure there is adequate furniture so we can move in . If all those things line up then we will be ready . There was only one visitor today , State Assemblywoman Toni Atkins came by , with a couple of her team . She was very pleasant , and was there in a non - official capacity . She wasn 't looking for a photo opportunity , or campaigning or anything . She was simply here as a private citizen , wanting to stop in and see the Wounded Warriors . We did get some pictures though , and we had her sign the Red Book . Jason made it a point to show her the President 's signature and she commented that she has not been able to get an opportunity to meet him yet . Jason told her that that was his second time meeting the president . Wow ! What an interesting day . I got up at a little before 06 : 00 this morning and decided that I would still like to have some oatmeal for breakfast . Sounds great except we don 't have any that I can cook , and the galley isn 't open . IDEA ! I 'll go to the store and just pick some up , and then cook it . So the first thing I do is head off to find a Cinnabon , to get some rolls for Jason . He has been asking for them for several weeks now , and all that I have been able to pick up is those that come from different stores . I want to get him some Cinnabon cinnamon rolls . Well , my GPS takes me on this tour and gets me to a place on Broadway , and tells me " You have arrived . " I don 't see anything , so I park the car and decide to get out on foot and look around . It only takes me about 10 minutes to find the Cinnabon , AND THEY ' RE CLOSED ! It just didn 't occur to me that businesses don 't open that early . Well , at least I know where it is now . So now I hope back in to the car and head off for Albertson 's Grocery store . My GPS says there is one just up the street and around the corner . Yeah , you guessed it , it wasn 't there . When I made it to the address there was this large open lot , surrounded by a chain - link fence and on the other side of the street was a large empty looking warehouse . So I punched in the store again and recognized an address over on University and went there . All toll it took me almost two hours to obtain a container of oatmeal . I also managed to get another 1 / 2 gal . of milk and some butter . BTW - I did fix the oatmeal for breakfast anyway . Jason and I did get out of his bed today and I was really nice being able to help him in only a small way , and he doing all the rest to get into his chair . The nurse happened to come in to his room while he was getting ready to go , so she stay until he was in the chair and made a comment about how strong he had become and that it was very impressive watching him get into the chair on his own . She also made a comment about the 49er - Giants ' game today . I just said , " Niners are going to win . " and she said , " No way ! " . . . I was right . . . ; - ) Jason and I had a nice conversation while we were out and most of it is private , though he did talk about wanting to begin working on transfers from his chair to a car this next week , so we will begin working on that either tomorrow or Tuesday . He will be getting a dressing change , and I will do my best to be a part of it . I like to get a first hand view of how his wounds are doing , instead of just listening to the doctors or nurses tell me that he is looking better . He IS looking better , but when I see it for myself I feel much better . Linda and I spent most of the afternoon with him , in his room . There were no other visitors this weekend . Actually , I think Jason is starting to get to the point where he would like to go do the visiting , and get out of his room more . This is a good thing , and it shows progress . However , if you want to come visit he won 't shut the door on you . He did receive a phone call from Bridgette today ( actually a couple of them ) and got to talk with the girls . It looks like Bridgette is going to be able to get out here before Christmas , and then they can have a family Christmas together . We 're all excited about everything coming together . It has been a long road for all of them . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers . We are getting to that time of year when folks think more about what they are thankful for , and we have so much to give thanks for , that we sometimes forget others are still in pain . Please keep all of them in your prayers and in your hearts . Today was an interesting day for Jason . I began the day with fixing him breakfast . I made huevos con papas y chorizo - That 's chorizo and eggs , with potatoes . There were also refried bean and tortillas to make it complete . Linda and I went over to see him with the food and we all had breakfast together ( I think I ate too much , but it was good ) . After we sat and talked about what he wanted to do , since it is Saturday and on top of that a holiday weekend . Jason said he would like to get out in his chair and just cruise around the hospital a bit . Then we all sat back and relaxed a little . Well , actually Mom fell asleep . . . Jason said he was ready to get going so I helped him get dressed , and then I had this clever little idea , that right after Jason got into his chair , he would go over to Mom and wake her up . I thought it would be a nice way for her to be woken up for a change and a nice little surprise . Okay , best laid plans - Jason got himself in to the chair , all by himself , and then just as we were getting ready to spring the surprise , the PT folks knocked on the door . Apparently there is a small PT crew on this weekend and they planned to work with Jason , they just forgot to tell us about it . Anyway , the knock on the door work up Linda and the surprise was blown . That 's okay , she was still happy to see him in his chair , and Jason now had something to do . He went over to the gym and did some cardio and arm strengthening exercises and that was about it . After the gym time was over Jason still wanted to get down to the courtyard and stop at the Red Box to pick up a couple of DVDs ( I really don 't remember what the titles were , but I do remember they were comedies ) . The real big aspect of what Jason did today was that he got into his chair on his own ( I had to help him back in to bed because the height of the bed is about 9 inches above his chair ) , and he did all of the exercises and then down to the Red Box , all without any additional pain meds . He has been getting away from the meds more and more each day , and today was about the best I 've seen him do so far . Not too much else going on today , as there were no visitors , and there were no other activities planned . Linda and I went out to target to pick up a couple of TV trays , just like we had in Bethesda , so we will be able eat a little more comfortably , when we have a meal with him . Not sure what tomorrow is going to bring ; we spoke with the PT guys and they said they were not going to be coming tomorrow , so well just take it as it comes . Maybe we 'll get another chance to wake up Mom , providing she falls asleep again . . . ; - ) Today was a good day for Jason , and he even got to go to PT earlier than on the past few days . The PT guys came by and said that because it was a holiday weekend that the schedule had changed and that Jason could go down a little earlier . Of course this all happened after he had his breakfast , so it was a win . The only thing about the early start that didn 't work the way he wanted was the fact that he couldn 't get down to the C5 , and he had to go with the smaller gym on the 5th floor . He was still able to get all the exercises in that he wanted to and he felt tired , like he likes it . The wife of the Secretary of the Navy came by today and as things usually turn out , Jason was still at the gym when she came up to the floor . He did get to shake her hand and talk to her , while she was here , but otherwise we didn 't get a signature in the Red Book , or a picture . It was nice to see her here though . Another couple of visitors that came by were Jake and Katie Marrow . Jason was very happy to see them , as it is always good to see family ( Katie and Jason are cousins ) when you have been away for a while . Katie walked in carrying a couple of plates of brownies for Jason , and also provided him with a " book " ( something she put together these past few days ) about places to eat , with a strong focus on Taco Bell . I think Jason really enjoyed seeing it , and appreciated the humor that went along with it . Jason also had a good conversation with the both of them , because Jake is a physical therapist , and was a captain in the Army . Jason felt more comfortable telling them about some of the things he had done within EOD , that he might not have been able to go over so easily . Jake and Katie had to leave later in the evening , as they needed to get back home , and said they would be coming back down again , probably in a couple of weeks . Thank you , for all your prayers and support - go out and have a great weekend . Again , I have run in to technical difficulties with my network connection , and therefore I was not able to post until this morning . I will be heading down to AT & T to get them to diagnose the network card I have . Anyway , Jason had a pretty good day , in that he spent some time down at the C5 gym and then had a dressing change . There was also a retirement ceremony and Marine Birthday celebration , so it was a very busy day here . One other thing that happened was that Linda and I were able to go down to the store that will be supplying Jason and Bridgette with their new specialized bed . It was very interesting to check it out and assuring that Jason will be taken care of after he leaves the hospital . The dressing change went well , and relatively quickly . He is getting so much better now with his wounds , and they are almost fully healed up now . I would guess that he will be in - patient for another couple of weeks , and then move to the house . Of course I will be moving to the house , initially , with him , and then as Bridgette , and the rest of the family , get here , make my plans to get back to Livermore . If all continues to go as it is right now , I would suggest that I will be back home no later than the first of next year , and then possibly sooner . Today was a pretty good day . The weather here is nice - not too warm and not too cold . I generally go out with a lite jacket ( more a windbreaker actually ) and then I 'll just wear it most of the day , kind of loosely . I 'm still wearing shorts most often , though I will wear my jeans if I think there is a need , and then finally I wear tennis shoes , as I really don 't have anything else to wear on my feet . Okay , I didn 't mean to start out with a wardrobe discussion , but that 's what came out first . So , how is Jason doing ? Jason started the morning with his breakfast as usual , and then we just sort of sat around and talk about anything that came to mind , and watch whatever he is watching on T . V . Sometimes we both just sort of sit back and will take a cat nap , as we wait for the PT folks to come in . Today sort of turned into one of those days . Jason is no longer taking his pain meds via the I . V . , and the nurse came in and said she was asked to give him one of the meds an hour before he was to go to PT . Well , as you might predict , the meds worked wonderfully , and Jason fell asleep . The physical therapist came in and asked me to wake him up in a short while so he could go to the gym , and then quickly left . I think she wanted me to wake him so she didn 't have to . Well , I did wake him and helped him to get ready , then we went down to the gym first , again to work on balance , then onto the bigger C5 gym . The C5 gym isn 't quite as large as the one at Bethesda , but it does have more out door things for the guys to use , AND a pool . Jason stayed there for a while then back to his room . That was pretty much the big activity for the day , and there were no visitors other than Mom and I , and of course the medical staff . We did get a call from Katie , our niece , and she and her husband are going to be coming for a visit . Jason is looking forward to it , as he hasn 't see Katie in a long while , and Jake ( her husband ) is also a physical therapist , and since Jason spends most of his time with those types they should have lots to talk about . Actually , Linda and I will be glad to get a chance to see Katie and Jake too . Not much else going on tonight , other than the fact that I did find the closest Taco Bell tonight . . . ; - ) I 'm going to be attempting to get these posts out a little earlier from now on , so that those of you who wait to see what is happening don 't have to wait so long . Though , I do thank you , for continuing to follow . Jason 's day was a good one . He went down to PT at 10 : 00 again , and he worked on his balance more . He also worked on his arms and core strengthening , something he is going to need for transfers . In my opinion he is already strong enough to do all the transfers , he just needs to learn HOW to do them , and as soon as those pesky wounds finally heal over , he can start . When he was getting ready to go to the gym , he has to get on to the prone cart , and they do it a little differently here . They like to put him on a sheet and then lift him over to the cart - mostly due to the elevation difference from the bed . To get him on to the sheet he just grabs his trapeze and lifts himself , completely off the bed and they slide the sheet under him . When he does this , the corpsmen are always impressed with how easily he lifts himself , and is able to hold himself up . And , that 's why I think he is strong enough to do it now . Not many visitors today , though he did have one of particular importance . Vice Admiral Jerry Beaman came by . I got a picture and he signed the book , and that was all very normal , and good . The touching part was when the Admiral made a comment about the sacrifice that Jason has made for our country , and then he followed it up with the comment , that he felt he wasn 't worthy to be here with Jason . He is obviously a successful military man , who has obtained the rank of three stars , or Vice Admiral . When he said that it seemed to touch Jason just a little more than when others have made comments ; as if Jason if finally getting the idea that he is considered special . As far as Jason is concerned , all he did was his job , and he was simply walking back to base . Not much else going on today , though tomorrow is going to be a little different . At Bethesda , the large PT Gym is called the MATC ( I don 't remember what the acronym stands for ) and here it is C5 ( again I need to find out what it means - actually most of the medical staff can 't tell me what it is ) , and Jason is going to be going there today . It will provide a chance for Jason to work on some other areas that he has not worked since coming here , so I 'd say he is looking forward to it . Jason 's day started out much like the others , since we 've been here ; I came over early in the morning , actually got there well before he woke up ( the time change this weekend goofed me up ) ; and , we had breakfast . Jason was feeling good and is getting used to not having that I . V . line attached to his arm anymore , and I 'm glad it is gone too . He got dressed and on to his prone cart , and then went off to PT , at about 10 : 00 . I asked him a little later if he thought he would be going to they gym on a regular basis , at 10 : 00 and he said he thought so . His therapist worked with him on his balance and like usual , I couldn 't just sit and keep still and just watch . I was giving some suggestions to her , and I think it might have initially been a little irritating to her , but then she saw that what I was saying was actually helping Jason to sit up straighter and improve his confidence . By the time she was done working with him she saw that I was in fact , helping . The O . T . lady came in later , and again was a little concerned that I was getting too involved , then by the end of the session complemented me on how I was able to help Jason get in and out of bed very smoothly . I took Linda down to the galley for lunch , and she was pretty pleased with what she saw . The food selection was good , the prices were good , the food had good flavor , and the service was good . All positives , and she said we should eat here as often as we can . Then we had to take care of some personal business , so we didn 't got right back to Jason 's room . While we were walking to the car we had to go by a table that had a couple of fliers on it , and they were setting up for some activity in the plaza area . It is the Marines ' birthday celebration today , and cake was being offered . Of course it was going on a little later in the afternoon , so we knew we were not going to be able to make it . Little did we know that the Marine General was going to be coming up to the 5th floor and delivering cake , himself , to the Wounded Warriors who were not able to make it down . It was kind of impressive , with one small caveat - the cake was a white cake with strawberries . . . Jason does not like strawberries , so Mom and I ended up eating some of the piece of cake that Jason got . Later in the evening , Jason told us that he was tired , and it really didn 't surprise me , considering all that had gone on today . I think that the day started with PT and he just ran out of steam by the end and just wanted to get some sleep . We left Jason 's room at about 19 : 00 ( 7pm ) and headed back over to the Fisher House . Actually it was a good opportunity for us to do some laundry tonight , and just do a little relaxing watching the television , while we folded clothes . Thank you , all for all you do and for all the prayers and support that you continue to send our way . Today was a little different for Jason , as it even started a bit different from the very beginning . David and Miriam came over with their son , Dylan , and as usual he was excited to see his Uncle Jason ( a . k . a . Uncle Cookie ) . They visited for a little while and then left to take Dylan to the San Diego Zoo . From what they told us , and from Dylan 's reaction , it was a pretty exciting time . A short while after they left we found out that the folks from physical therapy wanted to get a chance for Jason to come down and do some work at the gym . I think it caught Jason a little by surprise , a good surprise , but a surprise none - the - less . He never got the chance to go to the gym on Sunday , while in Bethesda . Well , because of the pending visit to the gym , he needed to get some of his work out cloths on , and both Mom and I were there , so we helped him get dressed . This was a first for Mom , and I think it was pretty exciting for her , to be able to help Jason . Well , Jason left for PT and both Linda ( Mom ) and I also left , so we could take care of some errands . When we got back Jason was in his room just kicking back and watching the National Geographic channel . We talked for a little bit , and then some other guests came by , Russ , Chris and Craig Greenlaw , from Livermore . Well , Craig now lives down here in Southern California with his wife and son , but we 'll always say he is from Livermore . While that visit was going on , another visitor came by , that had actually seen Jason back in Bethesda . It was the Assistant Commandant of the Marines , General Joseph Dunford , Jr . Jason was happy to see him again , and I think Russ was particularly impressed with the level of visitors that come by to see Jason . The conversation eventually turned to Scouting and when it did the General seemed to want to extend his visit with Jason . All around it was a very good conversation and visit . The rest of the day was spent just relaxing and watching T . V . and Linda and I taking care of a few other chores we still needed to get done . It was a rainy day , so that made the running around all the more fun . We now have all the things we need to make our stay as comfortable as possible , that is , until we find out we forgot to buy something . . . of course that 's not going to happen - - - Right ! Next week should be a productive week for Jason , now that we have gotten a little more settled in and the medical staff is beginning to learn Jason 's likes ( and dislikes ) . Thank you , all for all your support and continued prayers . Jason is getting better and stronger everyday , and the few that have actually seen Jason at the various stages all comment on how good he is looking now . I can hardly wait to see how well he does over these next few weeks . Today was a very good day for Jason , as he didn 't have to deal with a dressing change , and Mom ( Linda ) came down to stay with Jason ( and me ! ) through to the end of November . On top of that , David and his family - Miriam and Dylan - came down to spend the weekend with all of us . All - in - all , a pretty good start to a very good day . Then on top of all that , they were able to obtain another bed for Jason , and this time it had the trapeze with it , and it wasn 't a problem with configuration or size . I think Jason was happy with this one . There were a couple of new patients brought on to the ward today , and that is going to provide Jason with a couple more people he will be able to talk with and get to know a little better . It will probably bring a little more activity to the floor and I think that sometimes more activity is a good thing for Jason , and his healing . Along those same lines of thought , Jason got out on his wheelchair today , and was able to wheel himself around , with very little assist . I think just getting outside the hospital was a good thing for Jason . He had been in that room for nearly all the time for the past week . When David came by this morning he had a package from his Aunt Joyce . She sent him a big sign that said , " Welcome Home Jason , To California " and David and I attempted to put the sign up on the wall . You have to understand , Joyce really had a BIG banner created and it was a pretty heavy sign . In the hospital we can not put hooks or nails or pins in the wall , so we tried to secure it with tape . Jason was asleep when David and I got started , and when we were finished we woke him and he saw the banner on the wall , and gave that " look " he gives , whenever he is surprised . It was very pleasing to see Jason smile . Tomorrow , the nursing staff is going to help us secure it a little better , so that it will stay up . I need to be honest about something . When we first got here I was truly happy to be back in California , and it was great being closer to home . That was about all the positive feelings I initially had . I missed the treatment and care that Jason had received in Bethesda , and didn 't feel that same level of focus at Balboa . Over these past few days though , I have begun to become more comfortable with how they do things here , and have gotten to know some of the doctors a little better . I am now feeling that even though Jason is back on the 5th floor - if you remember , that is where he started in Bethesda - he will do very well . One other little thing I need to point out is that while in Bethesda , Jason was in Building 10 , and here it is Building 5 . And I guess since I 'm talking about some of the details , the address here is still - General Delivery , but now its : Naval Medical Center / / 34800 Bob Wilson Drive / / San Diego , CA 92134 . If you had sent anything to Bethesda it will be forwarded to here , as I was able to get that paperwork in . Jason had a great day today , with a visit from Joe , a former Marine that Jason worked with in Okinawa . They visited for quite a while this morning , and in fact I had to leave to go take care of an errand and they were still talking . Jason got to get out for some PT , and worked with the strengthening bands , all prior to the wound dressing change . The real good news about that is that the wounds are looking good , and they are going to go the entire weekend without another change . AND . . . we will be getting out in his wheelchair tomorrow . That 's good for multiple reasons , but the big one is that it rained all day today and tomorrow it is supposed to be a nice clear day . Timing has worked well with this one . Jason had more Egg Nog for lunch ( I did too ) and he is pretty happy with the food from the galley . The nutritionist is working very hard to be sure that Jason is getting what he wants , and that it tastes good . There is still a small challenge with this bed , and that is to be taken care of tomorrow , and then he should be a happy camper with everything . On top of all that , Mom , David , Miriam and Dylan are coming for a visit , and I also learned that there are going to be some other friends coming down for a visit . This should make this a really good weekend for Jason . Thank you , all for all your prayers and support . We have surely gained for all the love that has been sent our way . First of all , I have to apologize as I meant to have the address posted , for those that would like to send something to Jason . Part of the challenge is that he will soon have an actual residence , and then you 'll want to just send things there . Of course I can still send you the address of the hospital , and then you 'll be able to send cards and letters to him , so part of my tasks for tomorrow is to get that new address posted on the blog . Once Jason does have an actual residence I will publish that address too . He had a pretty good day to day , and quite busy . There seems to be a bit of a challenge with getting him a bed and trapeze , that he likes . I think he was just used to the system and bed he had back in Bethesda , and he just needs to get used to the new stuff . He did get to get on to the prone cart ( yeah , he has one of those still ) and went over to the PT area . The difference here is that the " gym " is just down the hall from his room , so he doesn 't have to go very far to get there . The therapist is focusing on his core and arms right now , and will be doing some exercises while he is in bed . The real effort that we need to work on is transfers , that is bed to chair and chair to bed , then on to other transfers . The Blue Star Moms brought dinner tonight , tacos rice and beans , with a salad and cookies . I hope this doesn 't surprise anyone , but it was better than Taco Bell . . . later this evening one of the Staff Sergeants ( Marine ) came by and brought in some Egg Nog . I guess I had that quizzical look on my face so he just said , pointing at Jason , " He asked me to get this for him . " Jason just smiled that big grin of his . I guess he asked for it while I was out of the room . I poured him a glass , and he was happy . Jason said he didn 't think he was going to get such a large amount , so the SSGT said that it was smallest they had at the store . It is now in the hospital refrigerator . The biggest thing that happened today , from a medical point of view , was that the PCA was removed , and Jason is now only taking his meds orally . The focus is to get him away from the drugs and work to a better pain management effort . It seems to be working , as he didn 't complain about much discomfort , despite the moving and all the PT he went through . Another thing that got some attention was his chair . They are going to be ordering him a power chair as well as a manual chair . Depending on the activity he is going to be using one or the other , as a mode of transportation , with a side benefit of exercise with the manual chair . Again , thank you , for all your continued support and prayers . Jason is moving along pretty well with his treatment and healing , and I really feel like he may be out of the " inpatient " status before the end of the year . Things are getting better here , and it feels like we are starting to develop a rhythm in our activities . We were able to meet several members of the medical staff , both yesterday and today ( beyond those we met when we first arrived ) , and they seem to be some very bright people . A big difference here is that there are fewer Wounded Warriors for them to have to focus on , and there is a definite effort being put forth , insuring that Jason and his family ( me right now ) are being taken care of . I will be getting a rental vehicle in the next couple of days , and like in Bethesda , I won 't have to deal with any cost associated with it , except for fuel . There are several other support groups here , and some familiar ones , and that makes it a little more comfortable . Also , Jason has told the Marines that Balboa is where he would like to do his rehab , so that means he will be here for probably more than a year . With that , they have already located a home for him and his family to live while he goes through the rehabilitation , AND he can bring his pets . Jason had several visitors today , with most of them being " new " medical personnel that we are getting to know . There were also some celebrity types that came by and visited with Jason , and the other Wounded Warriors who are here . Chuck Liddell , KJ Noons , and Dominick Cruz from the UFC were here with their manager and a few other folks ( I assume they were support ) . We got them to sign the Red Book and Mr . Liddell 's wife ( she was here too ) offered to take pictures with my camera , so that I could be in the photo . They also had their own photographer with them , and she was taking a bunch of shots too . For a while today , it seemed like there was going to be a steady stream of people coming in to Jason 's room , and he wasn 't going to get much of a break - it did stop though , after about an hour . One other visitor that Jason had today was Bridgette . Well , she didn 't actually come in to his room , she called him and they got to speak . They talked for a while and it sure did make Jason happy , so I can only assume that it made Bridgette happy too . Jason also had a dressing change , and will be getting changes daily until such time as they are happy that his wounds are free of bacterial influence . I have been in the room these past two days , when the changes have been done . I have been involved with the medical staff and provided some instruction on where they needed to focus and to apply the bandages . So far it has been very good for Jason , and the wounds are continuing to progress . Jason also did a little work with the Physical Therapist , from his bed , where she said she was going to be working on his core and arms right now , and then progress to other areas over the next couple of days and weeks . The biggest thing they want to see is Jason being able to transfer from his bed to the chair , and then back again . That was the day , and I would guess there are going to be others just like it over these next few days . Thank you , all for all the support and prayers you continue to send . God has a plan for Jason , and we 're just goinPosted by Jason and I spent most of the day in his room , and he only had to endure a dressing change , this afternoon . Not too much going on , really , it is just that there are several new people we need to meet , and we need to get used to the " new " facility . We did meet several new doctors today , and for the most part they seem up to the challenge that Jason is providing them . The only time Jason left his room today was to head down to get some X - rays done on all the different areas of his body , so the doctors could take a look at how everything is doing . I think we have a good working relationship with the new dietician and the food is good , so Jason just has to learn another new process for getting his meals , as I won 't always be there to go get him food . We have begun to learn the new Marines around here , and a special treat was that we actually know a couple of them , as they came from Bethesda a couple of months ago . It is always nice going into a new area , and then finding out you actually know someone there . David and Miriam came down from Los Angeles today , and spent most of it with Jason and I . They said they were going to be back here this coming weekend . On top of that , Linda is going to be here on Friday , so we 'll have a large portion of the family here this weekend . Linda will be staying here , in the Fisher House , with me , and David and Miriam will be staying somewhere else - we 're thinking the Navy Lodge , though it has not been confirmed . Jason got a new bed today , so that he could get a trapeze , to help him be able to move himself more easily . The first bed from KCI would not accommodate a trapeze , or at least that is what we were told . The new bed has a trapeze , but Jason is a little uncomfortable with the Trapeze right in his face . We have asked them to see if there is a way to move the trapeze up 6 - inches or so . We should hear about it tomorrow . Thank you , for your continued support and prayers .