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t3_3m5etl | relationships | Me [23 F] with my boyfriend [28 M] 4 1/2 months, find myself getting jealous/self conscious when hearing about his dating/sexual history. | Let me begin by saying that boyfriend and I are doing so incredibly well. I'm pretty confident that I love the guy (just haven't told him yet). We are pretty open and comfortable with one another. We have a great relationship, great sex, etc.
He is five years my senior, and therefore has had more time than I in the dating world. He had a girlfriend for four years, and has been single for the past four years, dating around and such. I have had one crappy previous relationship that lasted two years and nothing serious before or after. Both of us have slept around prior to meeting. That is definitely the case. We haven't discussed numbers, specific incidents or people, nor do I particularly want to.
In passing he has mentioned sex, or we have run into people he has dated in the past (I frequent his area, so we are bound to run into people he knows/girls of his past). I find myself getting incredibly self conscious in these moments. Obviously I know that our dating past is what has turned us into who we are, and we wouldn't be dating if it wasn't for that history. We wouldn't be having as great sex if we weren't experienced. We wouldn't be the people we are today! I understand all of these things, but it still bothers me.
This is something I have never and will never let interfere with my actual relationship with him. I know I am being silly. I just don't like picturing him with other people! I have never felt this way about someone before, and I guess I feel more protective of him. I know he is a catch. And he has clearly chosen to be with me (another reason why I know I am being silly).
So I guess what I am wondering is, fellow redditors: what is your advice with dealing with the dating history of your partners? It is what it is, of course. How do you refrain from feeling pangs of jealousy or self consciousness in these situations? Thanks for the help :) | Wondering how you fellow redditors feel about your current significant other's dating history? Has it had any effect on your relationship? How do refrain from feeling self conscious or jealous? Thank you!! |
t3_169lpm | AskReddit | Good Guy Babysitter or Bad Guy Buddy? | I have an acquaintance on Facebook, I have known him for a few years(he's 25). He's a pretty nice guy, he was always somewhat over weight and didn't date much, but has recently slimmed down and always hangs at the bars. Well, here's my dilemma. He always talks about how he's babysitting his female bar friends' daughters( several different girls), and he even posted a picture of himself with a little girl last night "My new buddy". It just seemed creepy. These moms all feel confident letting him watch their daughters(these are young girls who bar hop all the time themselves), but in this day and age, I don't see how that can't be questioned. Am I overlooking a good deed and making something bad out of it, or should I speak to someone about it? | a guy posts pics of himself with little girls who are of no relation to him, but the moms are okay with it. |
t3_4zy0dt | relationships | Me [20 F] with my interest [20 M], unsure how to proceed | I originally met this guy (let's call him John) through a friend of mine around half a year ago. I always found him pretty cute, but I was hesitant at first to start anything because his English isn't too great and I was worried about the language barrier.
John and I ended up working at the same summer position where we'd occasionally see each other. For some reason (maybe out of shyness), we never said hi, but instead maintained this odd eye contact for 3-4 seconds. I got a random facebook notif from him liking one of my old posts from 2011 though, so I just bit the bullet and messaged him.
Our conversations have been pretty great thus far. They go on for 5+ hours at a time and we stay up until 3/4 am. He seems pretty interested in asking about me, and is pretty open to sharing about himself too. John also remembers random details I told him back in March (honestly I barely remember what I said). As for anything vaguely flirty, we were joking about doing a fairly precarious activity, and he ended up saying something along the lines of "you can try it, I'll protect you" (in a joking manner, I promise this was a lot less cheesy in context). He's also commented about how anyone would be lucky to have a girlfriend like me.
So I got the sense that he might like me, but the issue is that it's usually me who initiates the conversation. I'll wait for a few days, send a message etc. He does talk a lot about hanging out, but hasn't suggested anything concrete. I'm not too sure where to go from here. Should I keep messaging and see what happens? I'm worried about coming off as over eager especially if he only sees me as a friend. Or should I take a step back and see if he takes the initiative? | I'm concerned about mistaking friendliness for interest. Not sure whether to take a passive or a more assertive approach. |
t3_1ivvh7 | tifu | TIFU picking up a book that was peed on | First submission here, long time lurker, but i thought I'd share a story of mine here:
7th grade I was a quiet kid, not the brightest and going through my chubby stage well I'm in my English class and have to go to the bathroom. Well after I'm done in the bathroom and washing my hands I notice a English text book directly under the urinal and I remembered someone said about a group of kids peeing on a book yesterday, but I knew it couldn't be this one, so I picked it up and wiped the bit off stuff on it. Well I proceeded to walk into the classroom with it and I said "Mr.B I found this book in the bathroom an-" I was interrupted when a kid from the class said "DUDE DID YOU FIND THAT NEAR THE URINAL" as he was holding back his laughter and a second later he said "I PEED ON THAT BOOK DUDE" I then screamed and dropped the book in the recycling bin and ran to the bathroom and washed my hands for 10 minutes. I came back to the whole class and teacher laughing at me, for two years I was called "Pee book". | tried to do something right picked up a book with piss on it, got called "pee book" for two years. |
t3_48i5sh | Advice | Missed class again. Professor not happy. | So I've missed every one of my Software Engineering classes.. Mostly due to no motivation/depression. Got an e-mail from professor basically saying to go to class or fail. It didn't say directly, but that was the idea. Basically said he's not going to fail me for missing all those classes, but it was going to lower my grade, and if I didn't start showing up he doesn't see me passing the class. I said sorry and I would start showing up to classes.
I have a midterm in another class today, and I hadn't slept in 2 days, so I took ~8mg melatonin and 15mg Mirtazapine last night. Still couldn't get to sleep for a while, but eventually did. Ya, I overslept and missed class (at least I got cool 7hrs though). Idk if my alarm didn't go off, but I don't think so (although I could have just been half asleep and turned it off/on again).
So what do I do? Professor is undoubtedly really pissed off. I'm not telling him about my failure to have half-decent mental health, but that's been the reason that I've been skipping classes. I know it's just excuses and it's my fault, but I really was going to start going to classes again today. Should I even email or talk to him after class? I feel it would be just throwing lemons at a cut. | Miss every lecture, professor emails me to go. I say I will, but then oversleep. What do I do? |
t3_kadb8 | AskReddit | IT decision: continue as a Java(EE) dev or readjust to a network admin. Advice needed! | I graduated this year and have been studying all summer as a Java2EE programmer. I've been trying to get a job all summer, with little success, but not done yet. I still have some few opportunities: i'm waiting for a reply from a big company in my town (in case of rejection i can send my CV to a few more companies).
Meanwhile a friend of mine (much older than me) got hold of some fiber-optic cables and started a business a couple of months ago. He 'rents' traffic to the internet providers in our town. So he started to seek for net admins but frankly has little success finding them. So he proposes to me to pay for my Cisco certification lessons and tests and hire for a good salary if i do well.
That's my dilemma. I'm not sure what to do. I never was into networks and besides that i already have appreciable knowledge for a Java starter. I mean, throughout the summer i learned J2EE core, jsp, servlets, Struts2, JSF2, Hibernate, Junit (+ reading books like head first:OOA&D,Clean Code, Patterns and principles etc).
On the other side, if i go with the net admin proposal i'll have double or triple the amount of money than a Junior Java programmer.
Your advice? | 've been studying as a Java2EE dev all summer but now a friend comes proposing me to work as a net admin for x2/x3 as much money + pays for my Cisco certification. |
t3_337d13 | relationship_advice | [28/M] - I think I may be hung up on a friend (27/F) of mine. How should I approach the situation? | I have this friend. We met briefly back when we were in our very early 20s. She was a friend of a friend and somehow developed a fairly substantial crush on me. At the time I wasn't about it for a multitude of reasons, lack of experience notwithstanding.
Fast forward how ever many years and we have kept in touch by text. Over the last year or so we have texted each other daily, sometimes quite a lot. I've started to like her quite a bit, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same.
*The only reason I don't just date her is that she lives on the East Coast (US) and I live on the West Coast.* I can't do a long distance relationship, nor would I really like it. It just seems like an incomplete way to have a relationship. I am neurotic enough in a relationship when I have local relationships and couldn't handle the distance. She came and visited my city last month and stayed with me a couple days (with another friend the other days). We made out quite a bit and did some other stuff (no actual sex though).
When I think about dating in general, she keeps popping into my head (i.e. how would my dating someone local affect our friendship?). I am a human who has intimacy needs and shit, but this hangup seems to make me completely unmotivated to try date (there are also some other possible reasons for this... as I mentioned, I can be very neurotic and trying to date has always made my mind race which generally makes me unhappy) | I have a long distance friend who I have some feelings for and don't know how to handle being hung up on these feelings? |
t3_1bhun4 | relationships | My SO[f22] and I [m20] are stuck and confused | We have known each other for 5 years. I was her first kiss when we met, and her first time 2 years later. We have been seriously involved since then. I am at school as was she until recently, so we had agreed not to try the long distance, although we were both exclusive, spoke regularly, and dated whenever we were home. I think that we are both lucky in that we both consider each other best friends. My school is a military academy however and that means that I will owe service time upon graduation. She is worried about that lifestyle (mostly based on movies and what popular culture says). I would not be an infantry officer or anything so little danger and fewer deployments. However her worries over this have prevented us becoming more "official" although we both know each others parents(dinners and such) and everyone acts as if we are dating. I want to make us more official, but she is worried about much further out. She says she is worried she will break my heart and therefore doesn't want to be more serious(I believe her, no ulterior motive). It recently came to a head and we are meeting tomorrow to talk about it, and I just need some advice on how to assuage her fears and uncertainties. | I am in the military and my SO is afraid of what all that might entail in the future and I need help on how to explain it to her. |
t3_31pgol | relationships | Need breakup advice [M22] feels like I'm getting really screwed over | My girlfriend is studying abroad. We've been together 3 years and she's been overseas for 3 months and will be there for another 3. We had plans to travel together at the end of her study which I've already started to pay for. Last night we arrange a call and she tells me, cold and emotionless, that she is not ready for a committed relationship (she's 21) and needs to be single. Despite me pushing and pushing she couldn't give me any reasons about what would be wrong with our relationship to cause this, just that she needs to be young and single. I can't believe it. That she would be so selfish to do this while she's over there and I'm here, living the same old boring life, and she's on an inflated lifestyle high, rather than wait until we both get back. It feels like she's throwing away a 3 year relationship without giving it a chance.
I helped her through so many issues and never even got to witness the fun party loving girl who she has become since going on exchange. And she keeps telling me it's got nothing to do with other guys, it's just her needing to be free. A while back she teased the idea of a break and I said a break while studying abroad is not fair on me, and I would be happy to do that but after she got back not while on exchange. She was happy to do this, and now it's not even a break, its just an outright break-up.
Just 1 week ago she was telling me to be ready to book flights and accomodation in a few days.
She is being so selfish and not giving me any options to save the relationship. I'm feeling really down and out and struggling to get through the hours in the day. Anyone have some advice for me? | girlfriend of 3 years been studying abroad for three months, broke up with me via phone call last night. No explanation given other than im not ready for a committed relationship. Was meant to travel with her in 3 months. |
t3_2ojl0r | relationships | I (16 F) recently got asked out by a guy (17) not even a week of talking to each other. Is this a bad sign and/or taking it too fast? | So recently I started talking to this guy... We have a LOT in common and it seems as though we have known each other forever.. Even as a socially awkward human being I feel comfortable talking to him.
Anyway, we haven't actually seen each other in person. But, we do live close by to each other and we both really want to meet each other. I've never dated anyone officially before so I am approaching new territory.
He asked me on a date the second day we started talking.. Is this a bad sign? Like is this normal for people to do.. I've been asked out several times but never on the second day of talking. | Recently met this really cool guy online. He asked me out on a date on the second day of talking.. Is this a red sign? Is this rushing into something too quickly?? |
t3_25ibmh | legaladvice | How to fight an illegal seniors home operating on my street? | I live in the suburbs of Toronto in a very quiet, old, residential neighbourhood. Two years ago the house across the street from me was sold. I've always thought something fishy was going on over there, but unable to accuse them of anything specific I just let it go. Many cars coming and going, and not knowing even one specific person that lives in that house.
Today, I get a knock at my door. Two people from about 10 minutes away tell me that it is an illegal senior's home. They did the same thing on their street- ran the home illegally for years, and then applied for the licensing. They showed me their petition, the public hearing notice, and I also looked it up online and I found that the application to the Retirement Home Regulatory Authority for the address in question. It states that an application has been submitted, but nothing else.
The issues are that the traffic on this quiet street has increased A LOT since our 'new neighbours' moved in, that this will create a commercial zoning building in a residential area, and it will also drive down the value of homes on our street.
So far my plan is to:
* Contact my city Councillor, and my MP for advice and letters of support.
* Contact City of Toronto planning department, and ask for advice on how to fight this.
* Speak to my neighbours and get them all to call 311 to register their complaints.
I would also like to start a petition, but I'm not sure what format it has to take and to whom it should be addressed. [This] is the format I'm looking at as a template, but obviously the addressee and information would be different.
Does anyone have any advice they can give? | Neighbours are running an illegal seniors home on my street and in the process of getting it legalized. How to fight it? |
t3_2odc1x | relationships | I [23M] met a girl [20F] at a work event recently. I'm sure she was into me and we seemed like such a great fit for each other. I forgot to take her number and now I'm devastated. | She was mindblowingly great. And I'm quite sure she was into me as well! The only way to contact her is at the next forum, which can take place anytime up to a year from now.
It took place on Tuesday and she has been on my mind so much since then. I am dreading these next few months.
If it was a rejection, I could let it go quite quickly, but uncertainly waiting is worse.
I'm going to do all I can to find her. Like text friends in that branch to see if they know her. There is nothing I can do other than waiting patiently.
In the meantime I guess I'll continue living life as best as I can. What else can I do? I appreciate all tips and insights. | Met mind-blowing girl, forget to get her number. Next time I see her is up to a year from now. The wait is going to suck.. |
t3_dupn1 | AskReddit | What can I do to help my mom? | Hey reddit, throwaway (used for another purpose here.)
So I am currently 21 years old and live on my own. I have been on my own going to college for about 2 years now - making ends meet fine..not living beyond my means, lots of student debt but no credit cards..all that fun stuff.
Occasionally I have found myself in need of cash for car repairs, emergency bills, etc. and my Mom has always been there to help. She works a laborious job - long hours, shitty factory work - but makes enough to get by herself as well as support my sister who is in high school.
I just found out that since the company she works for has been losing business she will be layed off in two weeks. This coming when she was trying to finally get all of her own debt paid, correct her mistakes and move on with her life (after a divorce that left her with all the debt and bills for paying for my sister.)
She is not a greedy person. She has no interest in seeing, talking to or sueing her ex-husband. She just wants to move on but doesn't even have a car good enough to get her 30 miles - which is how far she would have to go from our small town to the only town big enough in the area to have a wal-mart.
I have been taking as many freelance jobs as I can trying to get some money together to get her a vehicle for christmas so she at least has a chance - but what else can I do?
I am a college student -Video Production and have been trying to get more work, sell dvds for $5 of my shitty first short film(mostly to family for the purpose of raising money to help my mom)
but I don't think I will be able to pull it off. I am not making enough extra cash. So what would be smart?
Get a car loan? Donate plasma? try and take out more student loan money?(Ugh)
Basically any ventures and ideas are extremely welcome - I am 21 and I have plenty of my life to pay off debt so I am willing to take on more if it means helping my mom. | how can I get my soon-to-be- laid off - at risk for being homeless - mom a car so she can keep working??? are loans the only option? |
t3_2ssdry | tifu | TIFU by grossing out my Sister's Friends | Next school-week of mine is finals so this weekend I have been holed up in my basement studying. After having an awesome late lunch of sausage, ham and bread/butter at around 2:00 I decided to continue studying. Now, my sister is very social and regularly has people over. Luckily this time it was only three guys who she was hanging with, and I knew they would be gone soon. At around 5:30, I felt like I needed to take a gigantic shit but I knew my sister and her 3 friends were going to a party soon so I waited. At around 6, I could not wait any longer so I took a long laborious shit in the toilet in the basement. Right when I got out of the bathroom and went back to my study area in the basement I heard the silent talking and laughing of my sister and her friends. The smell had wafted throughout the entire floor, and there was no place to go to escape it. I knew that the cab would be there to pick them up in a few minutes so I decided to hide in my study area and wait it out. Turns out the cab was late, and 2 of her friends were so disgusted that they waited outside in the 10° weather. When the cab had arrived and I thought they were all gone, I came out of the study relieved. One of her friends was actually still there, tying his shoe, and he and I had the most awkward silent stare off in human history. | Took the most disgusting shit of my life right next to my sister's friends. They decided to brave the cold outside instead of smelling the cesspool that was my shit. TIFU. |
t3_2x2xxh | relationships | Me [27M] with my wife [26F] of 6years. Have different outlooks on drug use. | We have been together for a total of 8 years. I have never been in to smoking weed, she has been. I was under the assumption that she had quit. It was a discussion prior to us getting married. It was not a model behavior I wanted for our children. (We have 2)
Found out recently that she has started smoking again. She always does it when she knows I will be working or if she knows she will be home after I am asleep. I feel like her hiding it is essentially the same as her telling me a lie.
It's not something I want outboard kids exposed to. I feel betrayed because she has been hiding it for almost a year. She thinks I should just let her do what makes her happy. | I am anti drug use. My wife has been smoking weed behind my back. Am I making a big deal out of nothing. |
t3_1hmiwc | relationships | My[20M] girlfriend [17/F] of 6 weeks always assumes I'm up to no good. | So I met her via online dating site and after the first time meeting each other things progressed quickly and we spend large amounts of time together which is great , except from a very early point in the relationship she started reading all my texts and invading all my privacy which I told her multiple times I was not comfortable with but let it continue because I new there was nothing to see so hopefully she would accept that I am honest and give me my privacy like I ask. (I have never said or done anything to make her think I am untrustworthy)
Yet every time I am not with her she questions what I have been doing in a very interrogative way, and sometimes doesn't believe me. For example the other day I said I was at a trading card store and she found that suspicious under no grounds at all.
In the back of my mind I am thinking maybe she is so suspicious because she is hiding also she snapchats a lot with random men who I have seen send her sexual snaps and seen her history that she snapchats them back all the time but she claims she never sends anything sexual and she hates that they msg her. (WHY REPLY THEN??) I have told her that I dont like it that she messages them back because I have seen her open snaps of them just showing off their cocks and asking her to snap them back.
So today out of nowhere I get a text from her saying "Aww your buying me stuff thanks babe" and when I asked what the message meant she replied saying she just assumed I would buy her something today. Today is no special day so this doesn't make much sense other than it might of been intended for someone else. Thoughts? | Girlfriend always thinks I am being unfaithful with no reason to, and sent suspicious text msg today, also snapchats guys she has met when I have told her it makes me unconfortable |
t3_2dz44r | relationships | I (26/f) can't stand my boyfriend's (26/m) breath! | Basically, the title. We've been together for 4 years. The past few months his breath just smells, even after he brushes his teeth. Sour. I can't stand it especially when we're in bed. It's gotten to the point where we just don't kiss that much. I have tried and tried talking to him about it to no avail. He just gets angry whenever I bring it up. I want to work through this. Not just avoid kissing or break up! He doesn't seem to care that it bothers me and tells me I'm rude. I'm really not trying to be rude. I want to figure this out. I buy the household items so I've tried getting him different brands of toothpaste and mouthwash. Nothing works. I think he needs to go to the dentist or something. Perhaps the doctor.
Do you have any advice on how to approach this so he actually listens? It bothers me that he doesn't even care to figure out what's causing it. He says "Oh you just have a sensitive nose! You just get sick over everything!" when that's really not true. It just smells.
FYI, he does not smoke, chew tobacco, or drink. Never has. | I don't like my boyfriend's breath. Can't stand it. He won't discuss. He doesn't seem to care. |
t3_4pdu2t | relationships | [23f] Is a feeling that something isn't right always right? Or can insecurity and jealousy really be that potent? | I've always felt secure in my relationship. Until I found that he reached out to a girl he once had a thing for. It was innocent, he would be speaking at a day event she would be at. He swore she was just a friend. And said he only saw her afterwards for a brief moment to say hello while everyone else had drinks. It shattered my confidence in him. I feel guilty for even questioning him because he's never done anything to make me question his honesty. We are engaged. I just don't know how to get rid of this tarnished idea of trust. My logic tells me I can't be this paranoid for absolutely nothing. But at the same time I know I'm not the most secure woman on earth. So maybe it is just me.
Please go easy on the berating! | Fiancé reached out to old crush. Made me question my trust for the first time ever with him. Is it just my immature insecurities? |
t3_1e1d7y | legaladvice | Conflict of Interest question | throwaway here, sorry. hope someone is kind enough to reply, as will likely consult with a lawyer anyways.
this is a question regarding employment to business owner type of thing.
To my knowledge, company policy is set forth by a company and unless they specifically have one, then there is no grounds for that issue.
So my question is this.
Say I am working for ClothingStore5.. non government entity, private company. I am currently employed as an at-will there and have not signed any type of employment agreement regarding trade secrets/conflict of interest..
I want to start up my own business after working with ClothingStore5 for 100 years, I know the Vendor1 from ClothingStore5 and want to work with them, quitting employment with ClothingStore5.
ClothingStore5 and Vendor1 do NOT have any conflict of interest/trade secret agreements signed as well.
Am I within my legal right to pursue a vendor contract or is this illegal to pursue?
Say another Vendor2 terminates supply agreement with ClothingStore5,
if there is a rule that implies that I am barred from doing business with Vendors of ClothingStore5, am I allowed to pursue Vendor2 since they are no longer a vendor?
or another way to say it.. I worked at McDonalds, I know where they get their beef, I want to start a hamburger stand, can I legally contact their supplier of beef to start up my own business? | does conflict of interest policy apply only if there there is one signed or is there a legal rule outside of company policies ie. state/city law that cover it. |
t3_19cldp | relationships | I[m20] need a bit of help dealing with bf[m26]'s moving away and our inevitable breakup. | My boyfriend of a year and some change is moving somewhere(for grad school, he's not sure exactly where he got into yet) far away in about 4 months. I'm going back and forth on how I feel about it, which is normal. I am just looking for some help from someone who has been in a similar situation. We've talked about it a few times and, though it's hard, it's went pretty well. A LDR is not really in the cards; I don't think either of us think it's a good idea.
The problem is, obviously, that I don't want this to happen. I am very much in love with him and the love seems to be growing, not diminishing, as our "deadline" approaches. I can feel myself getting needier and wanting to be around him more the further we get. I've had a few dark years prior to my getting together with him in which I was Very depressed and alone despite having a solid group of friends and the like. This is my first real relationship and I'm just at a loss for what to do. Looking for any advice. | boyfriend of a bout a year is moving away and our relationship is going to end. looking for advice on How To Deal. |
t3_1b6k45 | pettyrevenge | Oh you want to jump the queue do you? | So I'm a university student and I was in the library to print off some sources for the essay I'm working on. There was a lineup at the printers which is really not all that surprising considering the time of year.
So I've made my way to the top of this queue and this girl who we shall call the ignorant cow just waltzes right up and cuts in front of me and all I could say was "What the Fuck?!" and replies with "Oh well I have to print something…" to which I replied with "Well no shit sherlock, we all have to print something here." she eventually states that it would be a small document and being canadian I just let her.
After she had started to print the thing she just left (I assume to go fall off a cliff or to steal the souls of orphans).
Big mistake cow… Big mistake.
This document turned out to be 90 pages long and well you see she was taking so long to come back that I decided I would enact my revenge…
I rearranged every single page in her document. Every single page was a different form of upside down and out of order.
She eventually came back while i was stapling my stuff and freaked the hell out. Maybe you shouldn't cut in line and maybe you should watch your stuff. | Cow cuts to the front of the queue at the school printers and stupidly leaves it unattended. Hope she likes putting 90 pages of work back in order with no page numbers... |
t3_120duk | relationships | I am in a non-defined relationship, and things are too damn complicated! Help! | Dear Reddit,
I have been seeing someone for about 5 months. We started off just intending to have casual sex, but it ended up being a lot more complicated. We would fight and then work it out and there were times when it really felt like a relationship. Fast forward to now; we recently had a talk about the fact that I have feelings for him, and he said that he feels similarly. Unfortunately our schedules are very full and we only see each other about once a week or so, and he said that he doesn't want to start a relationship like that. Which is fair.
Basically what I got out of the conversation was that we would try to see each other more often and see what happened if/when the situation changed. So I've been trying to make time in my schedule to see him more, but every day/evening that I have offered for the next week has been rejected for other social commitments.
It's hard to articulate exactly what the problem is, except that it always sucks a little to be told that he has other people to hang out with. I don't have a problem with him having other friends, but I feel like I need to schedule his time weeks in advance and it's exhausting always being the one offering up times that we can see each other.
Any advice? I'm losing my mind a little bit... | Am in an undefined relationship, we have addressed our feelings for each other but he doesn't seem to want to make time to be with me. |
t3_2vaqee | relationships | Made a Reddit to seek advice here. I [21F] am already in a relationship but small crush has been growing due to his [22M] flirting. | This doesn't seem to be due to any unresolved relationship problems. I love my boyfriend to bits and I am very happy in my relationship with him.
However, there's this guy I met at a party last year who's really cute, really smart and in the same classes as me, apparently! At that event he seemed interested from the get-go, and would gravitate to me from the other end of the room just to ask me about my interests. He had (has???) a girlfriend when we met so I thought, ok no big deal, he's just friendly. Since then he's been trying to text/message me almost every day, and he's been liking all my photos, except those with boyfriend of course.
We have a lot in common (even in terms of our course at uni) so it's very hard to resist talking to him. He's recently been inviting me to go drinking and hang out with him, and it's taken all of my willpower to say no. He's witty, he's cute, he's into the same things as me. We even take a few classes together so distancing myself is really hard. It's been increasingly hard to say no to his consistent offers to hang. Help.
How do I deal with this..... distraction? | Already committed, but attractive male specimen is making it very hard for me to distance myself. How to deal with growing crush I literally cannot avoid (same uni, same classes)??? |
t3_1bhrqd | relationship_advice | I (f18) might be pregnant with ex boyfriend's (m23) child. | We broke up about 3 weeks ago, and my period is about 5 days late, which is very unusual, and very concerning. We broke up on rocky terms, and Im not sure how I would go about telling him, or my new bf (m19). My ex is very difficult to talk to, he isnt very aware of how his actions effect other people. He was the one who broke up with me, he was too busy with school, and thought I was being "clingy" because I missed seeing him, so Im pretty concerned that if I tell him he is going to deny that Im telling the truth, accuse me of trying to trap him or say it isnt his. I cant have a child right now, so I would need to get an abortion. He is a student and paying his rent and tuition, so doesnt have a lot of cash, so I feel he might just flat out deny the pregnancy or say he wont help pay for the costs of an abortion. But Im not paying for it on my own because it is the result of both of our actions, so Im not sure how to go about politely addressing this in the most effective manor. There is also the fact I am seeing someone new right now, things are going well, we talk about everything, so I feel like I could trust this guy. I havent taken a pregnancy test yet, and wont be able to til tomorrow night but it would be nice to have some idea of what to do so if its positive so it would be less of a shock. Any advice would be highly appreciated, thank you! | Might be pregnant with my ex's boyfriend who isnt a very understanding person. I am also seeing someone new. Im wondering what the best way to approach this situation is if its positive. |
t3_2e9985 | relationships | I (23M) have no real experience getting dates. I'm not really sure what to do when it comes to dating. And then theres the trust issues... | Hey there all.
So as I said I'm a 23 year old guy, I'd probably fit into the nerd category of cliques, but more on the lite side. I take interest in anime, movies, games, puzzles kids stuff yada yada. But I'd never like wear my interests on my sleeves you'd find out more about me as you get to know me, but the way I look you'd probably guess I'm a nerd (just have that face with my glasses and hair I guess) I dont think I look terrible honestly, but I'm no Robert Downey Jr.
I've had two real girl friends in my life both of whom cheated on me and left me pretty untrusting to get to know anyone, so I can walk into a room and think it's full of people looking to take advantage of me. I'm the kind of friend where I'd do pretty much anything for you and not ask for anything, just the assumption of you'd do the same for me and if you don't I just kinda sulk and still help you out hoping you figure out one day how much I help you. sometimes yes, sometimes no. Because of my passed relationships with people I've stopped making friends all together unless I'm in close proximity to someone for long periods of time like work, and even then were not friends once I walk out of work doors.
I dont have a problem talking to people, not at all, I just don't understand at what point do you go from strangers to aquintenses to friends to romantic. Honestly I found all the girls I know on dating websites and my small pool of friends from high school and as life goes on you gradually lose connections from them save for the select few maybe. So not only do I need dating advice in how to approach a girl and find a friend, I just need how to reach out to people
Thank you for the time in reading. I hope you all can give me some advice.
Have a great day! | I'm a nerd. Im shy. Im scared of people. I want to talk to people make friends and make friends with a girl. Help me please. Have a great day. |
t3_2joicz | relationships | I (20m) Dont want my (20f) gf to drink as much | So today we got into a fight because she went out to drink and drank too much to drive so I had to go get her.
I got mad because I think if she went out she shouldn't have drank so much. She said she planned on sleeping there or waiting a long time to sober up if I didn't go get her but she wanted to see me and now she's mad at me for making a big deal out of it.
It's a close friends family's house and she slept there before but I still don't want her to go out and drink like that and sleep at other peoples places.
She keeps pointing out that at least she called me to pick her up but I still don't want her doing that.
Am I wrong? | gf thinks it's okay to go out and drink and sleep at other places. I don't want her to. |
t3_1i5kyj | relationships | I'm[29/M] not sure how to respond to this test from my SO[27/F] and could use your input. How to react when SO keeps inviting my to look at another female's chest. | My significant other and I have been friends with another guy ever since college. In the last year, he has picked up a nice girlfriend who we all like. She happens to have a very large bust and has no problem wearing clothing to show it off. Her and my SO have no problem basically joking about it in party environments, and my SO will jokingly do things like lay her head on this girls bust, etc.
What I'm not sure how to react to is both of them jokingly inviting me to look at her chest. This isn't something that is constantly happening, but seems to happen at least once for every party we're at. It usually goes along the lines of my SO laying her face there or motioning her hand under her bust and saying "Hey...HEY come on take a look! Come on! You know you want to!" Often the friend joins in as well. This is purely just a friendly teasing thing, nothing really sexual about it, but I'm not sure of the proper way to act.
As of right now I just do the whole "Nope, nope not looking, just staring at my SOs face and not the boobs" thing, to which they are always saying jokingly "Wow, look at that will power." The issue is, once it starts, this may continue for 10 minutes where they keep teasing about it. It just starts to get irritating after a while. I don't want to be a downer and tell them to knock it off, but at the same time it almost feels like I'm NOT being masculine if I refuse to look. So, I'm curious of input on this. | So keeps jokingly asking me to look at female friend's chest, I have no idea what the proper reaction is. |
t3_2os7f6 | relationships | I (M22) have been talking to (21F) for 5 months got really drunk had a bad day lol now she needs her space what does that mean | So last saturday i went to a huge day drink at my buddies house. The girl im talking to went somewhere else with her friends. I wanted to see her. So i texted her and she was being mean texting like one word answers etc so i called her like 5 times, she never answered. Then i messaged one of her roomates cousin who i knew to see what bar they were going to that night. He never answered.
So the next day she went back to college and i havent seen her since that was last sunday. So i texted her monday and tuesday last week she said she was busy and couldnt talk. So i called her tuesday night. We talked about what happened i apologized and told her she didnt deserve that etc and that i acted like an idiot. She agreed haha!
The thing that got me mad was that she wouldnt just say not to come like i wish she would have. She handleded the situation poorly because why couldnt she just tell me that instead of being a mean texter you know. Then i wouldnt have been out of line like i was.
So i finally talked to her sunday and she said that when i meesaged the cousin it put her over the edge and she needs her space so what should i do now. I bought her a christmas presents already and im hoping things will be better by then. | got really drunk last saturday the girl im talking too told me she needs space. What does she mean by that? |
t3_4h22b8 | relationships | I'm [18F] potentially in love with my best friend [19M] except something's standing in the way | Hi,
For starters, this is a throwaway account just so people who know my real reddit can't see my post.
My guy best friend, Ethan, means the absolute world to me. We've been friends since 7th grade, but we got really close towards the end of my junior year in high school. He's smart, funny, witty, etc. and we get along great.
I've known for a while that he loves me every way possible. He would do anything for me. Personality wise, I feel the same. I could honestly marry him right now despite how young we are. There is just something about both of us that makes me think we could date, get married, have a couple kids and live happy, fulfilling lives.
The only issue is that I don't feel the same way sexually. He's not unattractive, but I just can't get myself to think of him in that way at all. We're both aware of our emotional bond and even tried going on a couple of dates to take our relationship to the next level. The dates are always amazing, but the kiss always falls flat at the end of the night and I can never bring myself to go any further. It's not that I'm not into sex or anything, I've been in physical relationships before.
He understands the situation and has been very sympathetic, so for now we're just friends. But every time I get into a different relationship with another guy, serious or not, I find myself thinking "I wish he was like Ethan" or "Our connection isn't as strong as mine and Ethan's" and I break it off.
Reddit, what is wrong with me? Ethan means so much to me, and I definitely love him, but we can't ever be together if we can only be together emotionally. I WANT to take the next step and be together as a couple, but I just CAN'T. Can I get over these non-physical feelings? | I love my best friend emotionally, but am not attracted to him physically. Although our relationship would be great, I can't get myself to take the next step. How do I get over these feelings? |
t3_2xfnpc | relationships | M(18) with a girlfriend (17) of 9 months. Having issues with her stress levels. | So my girlfriend of 9 months Is having issues with stress and it is effecting our relationship. There is a chance she may have to move 900 miles away to accommodate her fathers new job, or stay here and just live with her mother while her father goes 900 miles away for his new job.
On top of that she is stressed with school and a slew of other things.
It is effecting our relationship because she is starting to become more and more weighed down by the stress and it is screwing up what we have together.
I guess what I'm asking is how should I deal with the stress changing her, and what can I do to help her get passed it? | Girlfriend has a lot of stress that is effecting our relationship negitivly, how do I deal with it? |
t3_2anhjr | relationships | Hello,I'm[18 m] in a somewhat long distance relationship[18 f]. But my best friend who is also 18 and a female wants to date me. | Hello reddit. I'm 18 and been in only 2 other relationships. I knew a girl that I ended up liking, so I started talking to her more and more. She ended up moving a few states away a couple summers ago. We talk everyday and turns out she likes me a lot too(we didn't start talking a lot until she moved). But we don't want to be considered anything until she comes back... She does want to come back as soon as possible. But there are obstacles, like money etc.
The other thing is my one of my good friends, also a female, seems extremely interested in me. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, and has brought up "if we should date" scenarios. But I don't like her like that.(I know, I'm a guy friend-zoning a girl)
My friend that seems to be interested in me does not know about the long distant thing I have going with another girl. As I've always been too embarrassed to tell. And the girl that I'm having the relationship with knows about my friends sudden interest in me, and she's a little on edge.. I'm just not exactly sure how to handle this... And no, I don't want to date my friend. | Best friend wants to date me. But I'm in a long distance relationship she doesn't know about. Don't know how to break it to her, or explain. |
t3_zbu2v | AskReddit | My neighbor's cat spends time at my house because it is deathly afraid of the two dogs who already killed another neighbor's cat. Is there anything I can do or say to make this cat's life easier? | I live on a residential neighborhood street corner property containing three houses and a shared backyard. I found out today that **Neighbor A's cat was recently killed by Neighbor B's two dogs**. Consequently, **Neighbor B adopted a kitten from a shelter** (2 weeks ago). It's the sweetest little thing in the world, and deathly afraid of the two dogs that (obviously) have cat-killing tendencies.
Recently the cat has spent time at our house, exploring, hanging out, etc. We left the window open so the cat could slip out onto the porch and back to the owner's house whenever. But, she didn't and now it makes sense. When we went out that night we finally had to put her outside and lock the door. She was waiting on the porch as we were leaving without any indication of going "back home".
I've talked to all my roommates and they all love Stacy (the cat). **Is it too much to ask if they would let the cat spend more time at our place where it isn't constantly endangered?** I don't want to steal their pet or sound like I'm judging their decisions, but I am worried for the cat.
P.S. To make things more complicated, Neighbor A and Neighbor B are sisters and we are renting out the third house on the property. We are very friendly with them and the dogs kind of check out the whole property all the time. Neighbor B has always said that the cat is cool to roam as long as we don't mind. *I just want the cat to think of our place as a 'mutual home'. | cat is scared to death of dogs because it already killed another cat, can I ask that it hang out at our house more without sounding like a dick/preachy/weird to the owners? |
t3_412z0o | Advice | Pride, ego getting in the way | I'm a guy, 37, with a history of depression since university - I smoked weed from my teens which probably triggered it. Mother also has suffered.
The hardest thing has been getting and keeping work. I excelled at school academically, got a 2.1 (high-middle grade) from a respected university. I have been through menial temporary jobs, unemployment, further study and finally after seven years, a permanent position where I have been for five years and have had success.
There's a guy who I work with now, who is actually my line manager, who is really likeable and almost to a fault a political operator. I have enjoyed working closely with him in the past - he's funny, and as I said a very likeable person. I have in the past, and still sometimes do, look up to him and almost envy his seemingly effortless way of influencing people. I guess you could say he's one of those guys that women want to be with and men want to be.
Ever since I've known him though I never considered him or sought him to be a friend. It was just professional, and I respect him professionally but was OK not being his friend outside work.
Now we have ended up in this line manager-direct report situation and to be honest it's not working. He's not the worst manager in the world but he's inexperienced and needs support (which I'm currently unable / not prepared to give). I'm not the worst employee in the world but I need support and he is unable / not prepared to give it.
I want to resolve this calmly and respectfully, in the way that has characterised our interaction throughout our professional relationship but I find myself coming up against my pride, that seems to make me want to prove that I'm in some way better than him.
Does anyone have any experience of this, or better still any tips for dealing with pride (ego) at work? | working relationship with guy at work - who I respect and value as a person - is at risk. Pride and ego are the only reasons as far as I'm concerned. |
t3_uc5r8 | AskReddit | My Landlord is trying to break our lease early to increase the rent, if I fight it, I'm afraid he will nickel and dime our security deposit... | My roommate and I are currently in a lease that expires at the end of November. At the beginning of May we received a letter saying there was an increase in the Consumer Price Index for our area and our landlord wants to raise the rent by this amount starting in June.
I checked the Rent-Leveling rules in my city and it clearly states that the rent cannot be increased until the end of the current lease.
However if I refuse to pay the increase, I'm concerned our landlord will try to do what he can to evict us or find any reason to keep a large chunk of our security deposit, which is 5x what we will pay in increased rent for the next 6 months.
Any advice reddit? The letter says that if we remain in possession of our rental property after June 1st, it will mean that we accept and agree to the rent increase....wtf
I was thinking maybe I should pay the increased rent and then try to get it back after our lease is up/getting our security deposit back, but idk if I would be able to if we "consented" to the increase by continuing to rent the apartment. | Landlord is increasing our rent, he's not allowed to, but I'm concerned he will come after our security deposit if we fight it. |
t3_dydzl | relationship_advice | Boyfriend and I are at risk of fusing into a single entity. (An almost-typical living-together problem.) | We're both in our early 20s, Canadian, been dating for less than six months and have been living together since mid-September.
I know that's stupid fast, but it's been working for us. We get along crazily well and we never argue (by which I mean we have "heated discussions" which we're usually good at talking out, though there is always room for improvement).
The problem: We've got three classes together... and we see each other... *all the time*. (He's probably going to read this, too, as he sometimes stalks R_A. Hi SOS!) We both need space. Desperately. He said today that we spend too much time together, and he hasn't seen any of his friends IRL in ages.
Which is fine, I feel exactly the same way, but there's a twist:
We're both internet nerd shut-ins.
My routine has pretty much not changed since I moved in with him, except now I get laid a lot more. I come home from school, I go on reddit, I play Minecraft, I listen to music, whatever. This is what I've always done, and while I desperately need friends (I do have one small friend-group, but we're all in our last years of school and thus have only been able to get together once since the year began) I have the kind of personality that people, well, don't generally like until they get to know me, which they rarely ever do. Boyfriend is essentially the same way, though he is more the type to make a ton of friends and then lose contact with them quickly. (Possibly worth mentioning, we're both bipolar, which tends to muck up the interpersonal relationships.) While I'm sitting at my computer, he's on the other side of the bedroom sitting at his and playing games with his online friends.
So there's my horribly long post for a relatively simple problem, summed up thusly: | Boyfriend and I live together and see far, far too much of each other, but we're both shut-ins with difficulty making/getting together with friends. |
t3_j5da0 | relationships | Engaged with date set and my secret might come out | I'll try to be brief. I'm 26(m), she's 28, engaged 2 months, together 2.5 years, to be married in February w/ date set.
...And I screwed up 2 years ago at a party. Got too drunk playing a stupid drinking game and ended up partly naked with a partly naked sexy coed sitting on my lap. We made out a little at the party. I was too drunk and dumb to extricate myself from the situation. After the party found out she lived in my part of town so of course it was convenient for her to take me home (I was still wasted and horny). Well, we went to her house instead and did some stuff. No sex, mainly making out and groping which ended as soon as I sobered up. Never saw each other or spoke of it again.
The end? No. Here are some more facts.
Most of my best men were at this party. I only got one question about "WTF are you doing, man?" and it wasn't even an angry question, just a confused one. My story to the guys was we just did the dumb things they all saw at the party and then she just took me home. The tangled web of connections is irrelevant, but somehow her story got into the mix and now they all probably know what I did.
I'm a good man, I treat my fiancé amazingly, and I plan to forever. This is truly my first adulterous act of my life, and I've regretted it ever since to the point of many sleepless nights.
I read a bit about cheating at the time and most of the advice was: "If there is practically 0% chance of her ever finding out, and you never do it again, take it to the grave." But now, with the best men knowing more than I thought, and the "Speak now or forever hold your peace" question coming up, the chance may be closer to like 5%. Maybe 10% chance of someone accidentally hinting at it and then me not being able to withstand questioning from her.
What should I do? | Messed up at a party early in my relationship and thought my secret was safe, but it may not be as secure as I hoped. Should I still take my mistake to the grave? |
t3_382ve3 | tifu | TIFU by having untied shoelaces (NSFW) | This actually happened about a decade ago, when i was just wee lad of 9.
I was vacationing in Majorca with friends and family, and we had just returned from a morning on wandering around the shops and getting breakfast. I had spent that entire morning, thinking of when i would finally be able to get back to the hotel and jump into the pool with my friends (It was a specially hot day).
When we made it back to the hotel, i was just buzzing with excitement, that kind of ''I've been waiting months for this movie to come out'' feeling. At this point it might be helpful for me to mention that at the grand age of 9, *i did not know how to tie my own shoelaces* and i usually spent most of my days with them flailing around on the floor.
Now, anyway, the hotel that we were staying in had a pretty large staircase out front made of marble, and as we were staying in a room pretty close to the ground floor and i figured that i'd just rush up the stairs and make it to the room before anyone else, however, in my excitement i hadn't realised that the shoelaces on my trainers were untied, but in the hyperactive mind of a child, there simply isn't any time for minor details like that.
So i start sprinting towards the staircase, and when i was just a foot away from the first step, i end up stepping on my left shoelace and in slow motion, i go face, or should i say **MOUTH**first towards the edge of the 4th step.
I'll spare you the details of what happened after my face made contact with the staircase, but instead of hanging out in the pool with my friends, i spent most of my afternoon sitting in a foreign hospital having my face fixed(a few broken and missing teeth), only to find out that by the time i had gotten back to the hotel, my friends AND MY BROTHER had already pissed around in the pool and wanted to play pokemon instead. | I got over-excited, ran face-first into a marble staircase and then my friends went in the pool without me. |
t3_1dwhxw | BreakUps | I'm (25m) terrified I'll never find someone like her (24f) again | I think I'm just writing this to get it out of my system, and I think I know all the standard responses: 7 billion people in the world, many different people for everyone, 'you're only 25, you've got so much time.'
I don't think any of them make it less scary, though. There's nothing particularly unique about my story, and you've probably heard it all before.
She was my first real relationship, lasting three and a half years. She was the first girl I ever properly loved, the first girl I felt comfortable enough with to sleep with. She was beautiful and funny, in her own, stupid way.
We broke up 8 months ago, and it was mostly my decision. We were fighting all the time and wanted different things for the next few years – we both wanted to start our careers in different corners of the globe, she wanted marriage and I was unsure. We had completely different conflict resolutions styles – I'd want to talk about things and hash them out, she'd just get angry and close up. I remember thinking 'if I was viewing this relationship as an outsider, I'd recommend ending it.'
But I still love her. She was still my first everything. I can't make it go away.
Even though there are a lot of reasons for what went down, I'm so scared I'll never have that kind of connection again with anyone else. It took me so long to find someone like her the first time (relative to my life span, anyway), and I have no idea where to begin in starting again.
What's worse is that since we've been apart she's had offers from guys, dates, hook ups. I've had barely any interest from girls, maybe because I'm expected to make the first move, maybe because I haven't been looking, I don't know. But it hurts my self-esteem and makes me so worried about the future. | Having that closeness and connection with someone for so long is without a doubt the best thing that's ever happened in my life. How in the hell can I get back to a place where that's possible again? |
t3_17gk1z | relationships | Advice on how to deal with GF[23] working as a dancer(no not that kind) | Hi /r/Relationships!
I [M/25] have been together with my GF [23] for 3 years. We have been living together for the past year and have the perfect relationship. We almost never argue and we love eachother very much.
During our relationship she has been working and practicing proffessional dancing and she is soon graduateing from a well renowned dancing academy.
She is actually one of the best in her year and she loves it. It is her dream. She does almost any style, hiphop, ballet, jazz etc.
I enjoy watching her dance and see her joy and happiness and I wouldn't want her to stop doing it. But I can't help to be jealous when she is up on stage and dancing with some guy and they dance like their inlove and they are "being sexy" with eachother. I hate it but I can take it to some degree. To think that this would happen every night for a couple of months plus rehearsal is depressing to me.
The thing that bugs me the most is that Im feeling like Im beeing humiliated(maybe not the right word). I don't know if this is what everybody would feel or if Im way too jealous.
We have discussed this on multiple occasions and she sees my point and comforts me that "it's only an act" etc. She doesn't want to take jobs that involve this but almost every dance show contain some elements of this. I just can't stand it and Im worried that this will affect our relationship in the future when she graduates and are offered jobs that are "too good to turn down" because of this.
Has anyone here had some similiar experience with a partner?
Im thankful for any advice as it causes me sometimes to worry and think too much. | Uncomfortable to see my GF dancing "sexy or flirtatious" on stage with another guy, has anyone got any tips on how to handle this? |
t3_14gq06 | AskReddit | What's one lie a salesman told you that bothers you till this day? | When I was a child I had the chance to visit a kiosk selling ancient Egyptian replicas and memorabilia. My family was not to far away at another kiosk looking at potential gifts to buy for friends, so I was alone. At the time I had a large obsession with ancient Egypt so I had a strong desire to buy something with all my accumulated saved money (some 20 dollars). You had small statues of different gods, papyrus paintings, The Book of the Dead, among other things. It didn't matter what I would get, so long as I left the place buying something.
A salesman noticed my interest and asked me what I was interested in. I told him something genuine if possible, though I didn't have much money. He picked up a small pyramid that had your typical Egyptian-wall painted panels and handed it to me. He told me to shake it and asked if I heard the sand locked inside the pyramid. I could hear it and asked what was so important about it. He said that the sand was actually shaved off the famous pyramids of Giza and that I was holding an actual piece of history. I gleefully handed him my money and ran off happy as a kid could be.
Naturally this couldn't be so given the actual poor quality of the item I bought and the fact that a sticker plastered on the bottom of the pyramid had "Made in Vietnam" written on it. I only discovered this when I got older and found the pyramid locked away in an old box I had.
It still bothers me today that this salesman took advantage of my youth and interest in ancient Egyptian things just to sell me something, so my question to you is what lie has a salesman told you in order to get you to buy something, whether you bought it or not? | As a child, a salesman told me that the sand locked inside a small Pyramid made in Vietnam I bought from him was sand from the real Pyramids of Egypt |
t3_1t5im3 | relationships | I [20F] am not religious and have strong feelings for my very religious close friend [20 M]. | I recently (about a month ago) discovered that I have feelings for a close college friend of mine. It turns out that he does feel the same but he does not think that perusing a relationship is worth while due to our disagreements about religion. Though I am not religious I share the moral beliefs that he does and we are very similar people who get along very well. I care about him so much and do not want to lose his as a friend. However, I also cannot pretend that I don't have feelings for him.
After multiple conversations we came to the conclusion that I want to try dating and he (partially convinced by his very conservative parents) does not think it is a good idea.
Would a relationship with him be bound for failure or is there a chance that it could work? If it could work what do I say to him to change his mind? If he did not also have feelings for me I would drop this completely the the fact that he makes it clear that he does have feeling for me are making this impossible for me to get over. | My religious friend and I (non-religious) have feelings for each other. I think we should date. He thinks it is a bad idea. What should we do? |
t3_2qajdr | relationships | [26M] My cousin [17F] is infatuated with me and is threatening to ruin my reputation if I don't date her. | I'm in a really sticky situation, and I don't know what to do.
A few years ago, my uncle filed for divorce. He immediately engaged in a lengthy court battle with his wife for the custody of their child. They were both drug addicts, so my father was able to petition CPS to take the child. It was an unhealthy family situation and my parents were eager to help her.
My parents have been taking care of my cousin for the last four years. It's been very difficult for them, but they've managed to be more responsible and I think she is better off without her old parents. During summer and winter breaks, I visit my parents and take care of my cousin. Recently, however, she has been acting strangely and yesterday I discovered something to confirm my suspicions.
Over the break I started to realize that she was acting a little strangely around me. Sometimes I would turn around, and notice that she was staring at me. She laughed at everything I said, even if it wasn't particularly funny. She also began to pay attention to my studies, even though she doesn't like academics. Previously, our relationship was, in my view, the kind that would be found between a big brother and little sister. We hung out, watched movies, and shared interests.
Yesterday, I asked her why she was acting so strange. She admitted that she had feelings for me, so I told her that I'd wait a while and think about it. I was shocked and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I ultimately decided to tell her that I did love her but not in that way. She didn't receive the news very well and she continued her advances.
I adamantly refused, and tried to ignore her. She is now threatening to say that I have been in a relationship with her for some time. I am shocked, and I don't know what to do. If she tells these lies, my reputation will be ruined, and our relationship will be over for good. | My 17 year old cousin is infatuated with me and is threatening to ruin my reputation if I don't date her. What should I do? |
t3_13cn72 | relationship_advice | [30/m] My girlfriend (31/f) wants more time than I have to give. | We just passed the one year mark.
I'm working 60 hour weeks to save up enough that I can buy a ring and a house and get a family started before her baby-maker isn't up to making babies.
This week, I took a day and a half off work for basically stress leave. And she didn't notice. She treated it like a great opportunity to spend more time together and get chores done.
I work in a position where my hours are flexible and my goals are all long-term. If I miss a day of work, the world doesn't end, but the work piles up. I'm two months behind on some deadlines.
She keeps telling me, "You need to stop worrying about what's coming up, and spend more time just getting to things one at a time. Focus on what's in front of you."
Which is great textbook advice, but doesn't help me get back on track if new things keep coming at me and old things keep piling up. I don't think she understands that I need about five extra days of solid work and recovery time--without her--and I'm afraid that I could jeopardize our relationship if I ask her for that in the wrong way.
Can anyone help me figure out how to approach this problem? I want to ask for time to do my job without it coming across as "Baby, I think we need to take some time apart." | Girlfriend loves me. Likes to spend time with me. I need some of that time back. How do I ask for it? |
t3_3nb7fd | relationship_advice | Help I can't stand it when he falls asleep! | Me and my boyfriend (26), and myself (f, 27) share an office space where do anything and everything not sleeping, bathing or eating. It's really nice to be in the same room together because we have a lot of diverse hobbies and are busy college students. Thing is my boyfriend has the habit of falling asleep in his chair. I don't mind when he is just napping. Or if it's accidental. The issue is that I will wake him up and let him know he has fallen asleep in the office and he gets irritated, and just wants to be left alone. He'll sleep all day, or never go to bed, if I never say anything, and then gets upset about lost time, or back/neck pain. Nothing I do, or say convinces him to do anything but sit their and sleep. And it's makes me frustrated and mad. I feel like he's hurting himself and damaging his quality of life, and I can't just let it go. I feel stupid that something like this is getting in the way of my love for him, but I feel terribly resentful, and that he doesn't care about how his actions make me feel, nor the damage he doing to himself allowing this issue to persist. Just talking about it has me irritated all over again. It's just been an ongoing issue and when I try to talk about it it goes no where and all the blame is on me for being irritated about it, despite how he talks to me when I remind him he needs to get up early ect..
What can I do? I'm sure I am in the wrong. But I just cannot let go of the feeling that he's hurting himself with this behavior. :( | My boyfriend falls asleep at his desk, and won't go to sleep properly, which is driving me insane. ヽ(o`皿′o)ノ |
t3_2j8a6j | loseit | Newly living by myself - troubles having accountability for sticking to my fitness. | Hi all,
This is a bit of an unexpected problem for me and I'm not sure how to correct myself.
I started working out and calorie counting last September. I had an immensely successful year and enjoyed being healthier and working out, seeing the progress month by month. Throughout the entire year, I lived with my boyfriend. He motivated me on bad days, we both had fun cooking healthier meals and I couldn't make excuses. I didn't have a problem sticking to my calories and going to the gym at least 3x a week either.
During the summer we moved, and he now lives about 100km away from me, so now I'm on my own. During the summer I just wanted to enjoy myself, kept working out but ate at maintenance calories so my weight fluctuated 1-2kg up and down. I had no problem with that.
Now since September I'm living on my own and I've put on 3-4kg. I find myself making excuses not to go to the gym and it is SO difficult for me not to live by 'I'll start tomorrow'. I try calorie counting like I did the whole of last year but then I end up getting the munchies no matter how much water I drink and if I've had nice, rounded wholesome meals. And I give in. I'll talk to a friend who'll casually say "I had McDonald's for lunch" and then the thought of a burger from there will haunt me until I actually get it. I never used to be like this.
I don't know how to get my fitness mojo back and I don't know how to hold myself accountable for this self-sabotage I'm doing. I still have at least 10kg to lose and it seems like it will never happen.
Guys, what do you do when you've lost your motivation and find yourself making excuses? Please help me out here!
[In case anyone is interested: F/21/15kg down] | Lost fitness mojo, making excuses to myself and 'tomorrow I'll be better' which never happens. How do I get out of this? |
t3_1w5jvu | relationships | She (F18) says she doesn't know much about me (M19) what can I do to work on this? | We've been friends for a while but she still feels like she knows nothing about me. In a way I understand this because I've always been a rather reserved person and not very good with talking about myself.
However, I've told her to feel free to ask me things whenever she wants yet she rarely does claiming she doesn't know what to ask and she just wants to know everything. She also mentioned being a bit embarrassed about asking about things I might not like (hobbies, interests, etc. I'm assuming due to context)
Any advice on how to make her feel more at ease with asking me questions. Also, how can I improve on talking about myself and letting people get to know me better without waiting for them to ask? What sort of things constitute "everything". | GF says she doesn't know much about me, won't ask questions/feels embarrassed to ask. I'm not sure how to work on this. |
t3_25zi9y | relationships | How do I [25 F] get my hookup [26 M] to be less selfish in bed? | Just got out of a relationship. Hooking up with a friend. Sex was awkward, then amazing, now just meh. He's averagely endowed and used to be more attentive. Lately, he just isn't that into it. He pops off, then just wants to go to sleep. He says he'll need like 30 minutes, but then says he wants to just sleep, that he won't be able to get it up again at all (used to do multiple). When I offer to help (blow job), he says it just won't work.
I'll ask can we try in the morning. I get a reserved yes. Wakes up, plays games, says sorry I'm not in the mood. I ask if we can try foreplay. He just says it won't work. I've never orgasmed during sex, although I've come close. I would at least like to feel good. Last time it was over pretty quickly, missionary. He seemed to be having a good time, which I care about and tried to ensure, but then it was over...like what about me? It's great that he says being inside me feels amazing and I move well, but can you maybe not come so quickly? I know he probably can't help it sometimes, but every time? He's 26. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I have broached the topic head-on and am at my wit's end. He says that there's nothing he can do about lasting longer or getting it up.
What can I do to make the sex hotter and longer? I'm not really into the hookup scene, so rotating partners is out for now. | The sex is no longer hot with this guy, but I'd like for it to be again. It would be great if he could expend minimal effort. Advice appreciated. |
t3_2y740h | relationships | How can I [19M] tell my mum [45F] that I am agnostic | Been raised Baptist my went to college and stayed away while learning for myself and stopped going to church and reading more into science and developing my own opinions. And decided church wasn't for me. I come back home and she asked me why i don't go church anymore. I told her my reasons and she just flips out saying things like I'm just gonna be a heathen and go to gel. I try to rationally explain my choices and she acts like I killed my sister. Idk what to do. I'm saving up to move out but can't afford to leave right now. | I'm agnostic. my mum thinks that if I don't go to church and believe in God then I'm worse than Hitler |
t3_1vkwva | relationships | Me [19 M] being threatened by my SO [18 F] (11months) uncle [40+ M] | **Background**: My SO and I have been dating for 11 months. Everything is great. Everyone in her family loves me. Except her uncle.
Her uncle makes me seriously uncomfortable. Lets just put it at he's 40 and probably weighs at least 170-180lb. I'm 19 and weigh at 145-147lb. Of course looking at it I'm not as big as he is. Now I'm considerately new to her family, but at the same time not brand new.
Her cousins (22F) SO (21 M) is maybe about a year into their relationship. Here's the difference he's in the military. He's bigger than me he's probably about 180-190lb. Yet he doesn't get threatened because her uncle knows he's more than capable to fight back because he's in the marines while her uncle was in the air force. On another note I'm great friends with him. I respect what he does for our country and I really like him. He's a good guy.
He makes me awfully uncomfortable. He's threatened multiple times to kill me or hurt me if I treat my gf wrong. Now, I'm not saying I'm going to hurt her in anyway or cheat on her. Though its uncomfortable to be around him in general. The first time he threatened me he dropped me off at my house so he knows where I live. What should I do? There's no real proof he said it to me, but what can I do?
He also threatened me again saying "do you believe me?" when me and my girlfriend were just dancing with her cousins being funny having a good laugh when her smaller cousin decides to go rat us out. He's known for ratting people out for stupid shit but his parents (YES that uncle that threatens me) believe every word he says. | Threatened by my SO uncle multiple times only because I'm clearly out matched. I can't do anything about it. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and her uncle has a snitching son who isn't gonna help at all. |
t3_vq29d | tifu | TIFU: Family caught me crossdressing | So to start off with, I'm staying with my aunt and uncle for the summer before I go back to college. They live in a small town in south western Virginia, and are an old southern style conservative couple.
Last night I curled up in bed in my favorite pair of panties after some vodka shots and passed out. This morning my aunt walked in to wake me up and saw my pantie clad self draped across the bed. When she woke me up she demanded to know what I was doing wearing girls underwear, and I panicked, so I told her I had a girl over last night and she must have put them on me as a prank when I passed out (horrible lie I know, but I was panicking). My uncle burned my favorite pair of panties :( and now I'm grounded for having sex before getting married.
On Sunday they're taking me to church to talk to the pastor about the sin of pre-marital sex. I'm scared of being ostracized by them, or them telling the rest of my family I'm a sinner. I'm so embarrassed they caught me, and I lost my favorite lacy panties :'(, *and* I'm being taken to church to confront my "sins". | Got drunk/passed out while crossdressing, got caught by my conservative aunt, being taken to church on Sunday. |
t3_4d2rge | tifu | TIFU by hooking up with my friends sister.. | Well, this was 2 days ago. I didn't plan to actually do anything that night. It was a normal night, go to the gym. Go see my friends and shut the night down till tomorrow. Well went and saw my friends and they were having a party. The party was the last time we could all party at the house since they're getting evicted.
So I didn't think she liked me at all, it was like wow I'm still kinda in shock. Well we go out back to smoke some weed and then I see some people creeping around the fence. First fuckup. Got caught already.
Well I said fuck it, they're gonna find out anyways. I was thinking, lets just take a cab back to my place and nothing bad will happen. Well, the night keeps going and it's going great. We're hitting it off perfectly it was really cute. We head back to her house (the big fuckup) and we start laying in bed just doing normal shit making out cuddling.
Then 10minutes later, I was in my boxers and I see phone lights through the window. My "friends" all came around to her window and they all found out. Her brother barged into the room told me to leave, so I did. I told him I'd fuck him up if he touchs me when im in my boxers give a man a chance. So I leave the room and all I hear is a smash! He broke her TV, So I leave. Quickly. As I'm leaving I hear yelling screaming everything. He gets super mad and threw a plant pot through the windshield of his car, she runs out and punchs him in the face and its a fucking rampage. Mulitple cars were vandilised.
He said sorry to me and told me to not use her, I wasn't planning on it. Im still in shock that she actually wanted to touch me | Fucked my friends sister and took her back to her house and got caught by her brother and he freaked out while drunk as fuck and smashed a bunch of shit. |
t3_2sr3al | relationships | I [21 M] am wondering how I can make my gf [20 M/F] happier, and help work on some of her problems | Hey guys,
Throwaway here, just in case but this is a tough question that I need some perspective on.
My girlfriend has some daddy issues, like her father died when she was in a young teen and had problems with drugs and alcohol beforehand. I don't know the whole extent of the problems that she faced, but I want to be there for her as much as possible and do my best to help her be happy.
Has anyone else here run into this sort of situation? Do the problems associated with this sort of traumatic young life event never get better? I love this girl so much, is there anything I can do to help? How can I be there for her better?
Thanks! Let me know if any of you have specific questions. | girlfriend has daddy issues, what can I do to be there for her, and do the symptoms of these problems ever diminish? |
t3_olgqd | AskReddit | What's the worst prank you've played on your bf/gf, or had played on you? | I'll start. I had just woken up at my now husband's place (yep, still married him lol), and was wrapped in a blanket checking my Facebook (no clothes on). He had asked me if I could get him some breakfast, and I had said "yep, just give me a minute" relatively sweetly...
He then gets super pissed, starts yelling that he'll go buy his own damn breakfast and storms out, slamming the door behind him.
I was in shock. We'd never fought before, and this was his place (not mine).
I got up and shuffled out into the living room in a bit of a panic, calling after him, and couldn't find him so I quickly proceeded for the door thinking I would catch him waiting to get downstairs (it was an apartment).
The next thing I know the door is slamming shut with me in nothing but a blanket on the other side. The closet was right beside the front door and he had planned this whole thing and hidden in there just to see if he could get me outside the apartment still naked. (Stupid me)
What's the worst prank you've pulled on your significant other, or had pulled on you? | My boyfriend locked me out of the apartment naked as a prank. What's the worst prank you've pulled/vice versa on your significant other? |
t3_iab0w | AskReddit | Why to people that shop at Wholefoods smell so bad? | Ok, so I started going into Wholefoods because one opened near me and they have a pretty damn good menu in the Wholefoods cafe. Over the past few weeks I have noticed that people shopping here do not practice proper hygene. I have encountered some rank clouds of BO, the kind of smell you get when you pass a homeless person kind of BO. Until this experience in Wholefoods the only other place I have seen these types is at the Apple Store or at the Comic Con or E3. Is it that hard to hop in the shower a few times a week and use some fucking antiperspirent? | Why do people that shop at Wholefoods not practice proper hygene and leave a horrid cloud of BO in their wake? |
t3_4vr8l8 | relationships | I (30F) am going through a lot of life changes right now and I'm not sure what to do about my bf (33M) of a year. | This might be a 'personal issue' more than a relationship issue, but I'd appreciate it if you guys could talk me through this.
I recently learned that I have to relocate for my job. They are transferring me and there is little I can do about it. I'm scheduled to move in a week. We will he living almost 4 hours apart after this move.
My boyfriend is great but lately I have been experiencing extreme anxiety over the relationship and everything else that is going on. Moving, new job assignment in a field that is already high-stress, and not knowing anyone where I am moving to. This alone is a lot for me to handle.
As I'm stressed, I've been feeling very detached from everything, including him. I've been having panic attacks, about 4 a week, for the past 2 months. I can't see us working out, as he is firmly rooted where he is (house, job, family) and I'm going in a completely different direction. I love him, but it's like my mind is erasing him or something already while he's still here with me. I feel extremely distant. It's very hard for me to articulate exactly how I'm feeling. But it isn't good.
Part of me wants to break it off before it gets to be too much. I'm already operating on my last nerve and I can't take the panic attacks. I feel like I just want to be alone but I also love him and I can't tell if I'm just handling the stress poorly. Regardless, I can't picture us together in the long term based on our diverging paths.
What do I do? Do I stick with it and see if it's just the stress making me feel weird? Or do I end it now before this situation gets any worse? I feel so guilty and horrible all the time. He's supposed to help me move but knowing how I feel, I can't help but feel like I'm using him or something. This is adding additional grief. | I'm going through very stressful life changes right now. I'm experiencing panic attacks and uncertainty about my relationship. Should I wait it out or end it and hope it is the right choice for both of us? |
t3_luvnr | AskReddit | Going to visit a friend who attends a big party school next weekend for his birthday. I don't party. What can I do to make things less awkward? | My friend and I are both sophomores in college. He goes to Penn State which is quite the party school. Over the past year and a half he has been bugging me to go visit him because he came and visited me twice already. I grudgingly managed to find some time to meet up with him this upcoming weekend. I booked the train tickets about a month in advance and only now did I realize that the weekend I'm visiting him will land on his birthday... The issue at hand is that I don't party. I went to a party once and it was just awkward... I'm certain that we'll be going out to a party and I don't want to be that guy who screws up everything so I'll go out just go out to tag along. I choose not to drink (not a big fan of the taste) and I'm not that social. What can/should I do? | Will probably be attending a college party next weekend, but I don't exactly like to party. What can/should I do? |
t3_2jf758 | relationships | my[27m] gf[28f] wants to move from NJ to SC but i live and work in NYC. | we have been dating for 9 months and i love her dearly .
she wants to move to SC because that is where her parents are. my parents live in nj. i live and work in nyc. i have an entry level job in major network news . a job a lot of people would kill for, not the best pay, but a foot in the door.
she works as a nanny in NJ and wants to move because she feel that if she lives up here she she won't look for a job since she makes enough to get by and her job is easy. on top of that she hates nyc.
i am no NYC advocate, but i work in TV so it is the biggest market and i have a good job.
she doesn't have any laid out plans to go anywhere, but she is confident in saying it is going to happen. i can't just up and go. i would consider moving by a city somewhere possibly, but only if i had a job lined up. i don't make nearly enough to save up money, move, and live off my saving till i find a job. that would take me years, and b y that time i would probably have a more established career here in NYC.
i just don't know what to do. i love this girl to death, we have a great time together i don't want to lose her, but i don't think moving is a good idea at this point in my career, i don;t want to grow to resent her, and she is unhappy living here.
thanks for any advice. | my gf wants to move far away to live closer to her parents and to start a new life. my family lives here. i also have a great job here. |
t3_248gw3 | relationships | How can I [27M] tell if my girlfriend [33F] is ready to hear "I love you"? | We've only been together about two months, but I think I already know. I'm okay if she's not ready to say it back yet, but I feel like I have to say something. I keep biting my tongue so as not to just blurt it out at random moments, like when we're just cuddling watching South Park. It seems like we've gotten very close and comfortable with each other already. We're together more often than not in our free time, and we've spent almost every night together for the past month.
I really don't want to fuck things up. I've scared women off by falling too fast before, but she's the first one I've felt the urge to say those words to so soon. She's said a lot about how glad she is to have me, and things like "I love [thing about you]", so I don't know if maybe she's feeling it too, and is just afraid to say it first? I don't want to make her feel weird or bad if she's not there yet though. And if I can't be sure she's ready, is "I *think* I love you"... better? Worse? | Think I'm ready to tell 2-month girlfriend I love her. Don't want to freak her out if she's not ready for that. |
t3_2dkjcy | relationships | Ex keeps texting even three years after break up. How do I make him stop, reddit? | I (f/28) broke up with my ex (m/31) three or four years ago. We had been together for roughly three years. We tried remaining friends, but that didn't work because he repeatedly would try to get back together. When I met my current partner and told my ex, we ceased all contact (after an ugly tirade from his side). A year later he started texting me and has been sending texts every few months ever since. Essence of the texts: He misses me and is so sorry about how he treated me during the relationship.
In the beginning I would answer these texts, saying that I am happy with my new partner and am not looking to relaunch our friendship, but wish him the best of luck. He took this as encouragement.
For the past six months or so I've not answered any of his texts. Today came a new one, showing he's still not gotten the message.
I don't want to be cruel. But what should I do? Block him on whatsapp/facebook (we're not fb friends)? Reach out with a stop-this-once-and-for-all statement?
What would you advise? | My ex boyfriend keeps texting me years after our break up. I don't want to be cruel, but how can I make him stop? |
t3_1mxsfy | Advice | Renting an apartment for next year - pricey cable/internet bill | Hi Reddit,
I'm not sure if there's a better subreddit to post this in, so if this belongs somewhere else, please let me know.
My girlfriend and I are planning to rent an apartment adjacent to the one we live in currently in our apartment building and while the rent is a little high, it's manageable but the problem is the cable/internet package they force on everyone.
We're not allowed to switch providers nor are we allowed to opt-out of the cable/internet since the place we rent from (a local business, not just one landlord) "gets a deal" on cable from one of the providers in the area. We pay $90 per month for a basic cable package and internet which has been really crappy recently; worse than a dial-up connection at 0.27 MBps (34.5 K/s). We're not allowed to contact the ISP directly and must go through our property managers since they "have a representative." However I feel like we won't get anywhere since I've dealt with the same ISP in previous years and wasn't impressed by a 3-week wait to repair a crappy cable box.
Anyway, we pay $90 / month and the ISP's site lists bundles and their respective prices. The closest one is the priciest one (which has the same price we pay) however we don't benefit from any of those features (i.e. HD channels, TiVo box, 50 MBps internet speed). We're currently in a lease for this year and pay that stupid $90 / month to have our pitiful internet, but I want to try to get that either redacted from our lease before we sign for another year or at least get a lower price / better service for what we pay.
Would anyone be able to provide some advice on what we could do? We tried looking around for alternative places without luck, and my girlfriend likes the location for the most part. Is there anything we can mention or say before we sign? I'm not a lawyer but I wasn't sure if anyone who ran into a similar situation could provide some sound advice, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance! | Gf and I are planning on renting an apartment and want to get the $90/month cable/internet service removed from our lease before signing or at least get better service for what we pay. |
t3_2t1143 | relationships | Me [26 F] with my husband [37 M] of 7 years, Doesn't support my desire for breast implants. | So....I've always been small chested. No big deal. I had full, round, perky A cups. It was great. Fast forward to three kids and 7 years with my husband ...I nursed all of my babies. I'm not saggy and I dont have stretch marks, but Im no longer full and I've become very self conscious of my chest. I feel like when we are having sex or making love, my husband goes to grab my "boobs" and he's like grasping at a brick wall. I have wanted cosmetic surgery for a while...probably seriously thinking about it after my second child. My husband has been sort of hesitant whenever i mentioned it in the past....then 8 months ago he noticed my search history about breast augmentation, and said if I REALLY was interested in it...the I should go ahead and look into it.
So, I got excited and started looking into it more. Details and what my goal was to look like. He seemed apprehensive but supportive.
Then I made appointments with two surgeons. I wanted him to go, but suddenly he refused. He started talking about how selfish I am and that he doesn't support any of it. I was confused and hurt. He all of sudden was crushing my thought that he was on board with me, and understood where I was coming from. He started taking about how he thought I would leave him and even accused me of trying to somehow "do better" then him.
I've tried explaining to him that it isn't for other people..or him, it's for me. But all of a sudden he seems to feel like its all for attention and a bigger plot to leave him. At the end of the argument he says ...just do what you want..."Im done talking about it" which is hurtful. I don't expect him to be crazy enthusiastic....but knowing I care so much about it...maybe he'd want to be more involved. | My husband sort of encouraged me to look into a breast augmentation, then suddenly was super against it. Now I dont know what to do. |
t3_rh6ef | relationships | I feel alone but at one time I had the best guy I could ask for. | Okay first off, I'm 24F and he is 32M. We have been dating for 4 years, the past 2 we have lived together. It started out the first 3 years we devoted all of our time together. We loved spending every minute together. Sex was great, ranging from 3-4 times a week.
We just recently started having problems since our work schedules do not work with each other. He works when I don't and I work when he doesn't. (This could be the problem) When we have time together he seems uninterested to do anything with me. He makes no move to do anything sexual. (Neither do I, because I feel like he is uninterested and i'm tired of being turned down). In the last 3 months we have had sex 3 times. He says I am a very attractive woman, i'm just confused at this point. We have had the "talk" about how I need more sex and I'm not quite sure if it is going to change. I asked for attention but I feel as if I shouldn't have to beg for attention, it's something that should freely be given in a relationship.
My boyfriend looks at porn and masturbates more than having sex with me. I know he is not cheating with anyone else (for a fact). Sex is not the only issue, he has no motivation to do ANYTHING. He does not want to ever have kids or get married.(I'm okay with the no kid part) I'm not pointing out his flaws, he has very few. I love him, and he is my best friend. He's the guy I WANT to spend the rest of my life with, he just makes it SO much more difficult. I want it to be like it was before, and I want us to have a future. I just need some advice or really anything because I'm stuck. | Boyfriends libido sucks/he lacks motivation for change, but before recently he was the perfect SO. I'm confused should I stay or go? |
t3_2o827z | relationships | My sister (41) disowned me a year ago but just got diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. What am I supposed to do? | I have a half sister who hated me from the day I was born. Let's call her Reyna. Her mother told her that my family replaced her with me so we didn't really get to know each other until I was 14. We are 14 years apart so we have had a hard time connecting on different levels but on other levels, we are so similar it's insane and I've always loved her.
Let me just say that my sister is the oldest in the family ( 2 half brothers and 2 half sisters) and has daddy issues since her mother drove my dad away and led her to believe it was his choice. At one point she has disowned every member of our family and she even disowned our other sister (let's call her Kaitlin) two years ago.
Last year, Renya and I got in a fight because I told her I don't like the way she talks to me (she's extremely controlling, condescending and just plain mean). She replied that my comment was the exact same thing that Kaitlin had said and that we were conspiring against her. She didn't realize that the problem is her, not us and that she is a mean person.
Last week, I was informed that Reyna has stage 4 liver cancer. My dad told me today that she has heard from everyone in the family except for Kaitlin and I.
At this point, we're not sure what to do. We both know that if we call her, Reyna will say something along the lines of "Oh, so you only call me now that I'm dying of Cancer, huh?? Wow, really nice". She's an angry person in general so we're both sort of afraid of her / not wanting to deal with all the negativity associated with her. That being said, we don't want to be the only two who don't even say "sorry you have cancer..we still love you"
Hopefully reddit has some guidance as there is no manual for this type of situation. Thanks! | My estranged sister has stage 4 liver cancer and we have not spoken in a year. Not sure how to go about contacting her or if I even should? |
t3_2upk6m | tifu | TIFU By trying to scare my girlfriend | Before I start, this was totally an accident and I didn't mean for this to happen whatsoever.
So me and my girlfriend were driving home from the store on some nice back roads. Suddenly I see a rabbit ahead on the road. She looks up, and I stepped on the gas like I was going to try and run it over. She freaked out as planned, and I swiftly stepped on the brakes to give the little guy some time to cross the road. He crossed it. But for some he decided to run back to the other side at the last second. I slammed in the brakes and tried to swerve, and the little guy missed tires for sure, but there was a thump under the frame of my car. My girlfriend immediately started screaming and calling me a monster. I slowed way down and didn't see him back there. I tried to assure her that he just took a bump and ran off, but she isn't convinced. I offered to double back and check, she didn't want to see what horrors may lay on the road. She didn't talk to me the rest of the way home. I feel like a monster. :( | saw a rabbit when driving with my gf, stepped on the gas to freak her out. Rabbit doubled back and the last second and despite my efforts got hit. Not confirmed to be dead, please don't hate me. |
t3_2h17dx | Advice | Husband wants to visit his homeland | My husband and I have been through a long, expensive battle with immigrating here to the US legally. I'm a US citizen by birth (like 5th gen American), and he is from El Salvador. We spent 2.5 years apart while we waited for my government to issue him a visa to come here legally. He came home last November (almost a year ago).
We have a really good relationship. It is almost as if he were never gone - we didn't miss a beat. When he was in El Salvador for those 2.5 years he didn't work a formal job - just helped around his family's property, building walls and rooms and leveling the ground and planting corn, etc.
He got a job here in the US about a month and a half after he got back. He's a manager for a short order restaurant and works 50-60 hours a week, plus, during the day he cares for our ~3 year old (I work M-F, 8-5).
While he was in El Salvador he wanted to be here in the US with us. But recently, he's been incessantly talking about visiting El Salvador, and soon. We are trying to conceive and he says if we do get pregnant and have another kid, it will be impossible for him to go back.
He's going for 6 days in the next few months and I can't help but to feel slighted and sad. I could go with but it would turn a 650$ trip into a 2000$+ trip (air fare, car rental, hotel - I'm not staying in a house with no ac and no plumbing...). His mom, sister, and 3 of his brothers still live in El Salvador (another brother and his dad live down the street from us here in the US); his aunt, who raised him from birth pretty much, is also still in El Salvador, as is his mom's mom who has fallen pretty ill in the past few months.
Why do I feel so sad over this? It's really, really selfish of me to not want him to go, isn't it? How can I be okay with this? I know I'll get over it but I can't understand why he wants to go back *so bad*. I'm in the wrong, right?? | husband and I were apart for 2.5 years waiting on visa, husband came back last November finally, husband wants to go back to his country to visit, I'm sad. |
t3_246kb7 | relationships | Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [31 M] of ~1 month, am worried he is not that into me because he never wants to hang out when I initiate things. | Back in March I met this guy. We immediately hit it off on our first date. For the first week we text pretty often throughout the day. We both have the same sense of humor and like similar things.
Since then we have been having dates about 2 times each week. He has cooked me dinner twice, we have went out for drinks, and brunch a few times as well.
I recall that early on in the relationship he mentioned he wanted to take things slow; not seeing one another everyday and such. Well he also wanted to be exclusive...which we are.
I guess my issue is whenever I try to suggest we hangout he always turns it down. For example this Friday we had drinks and hung out for a bit and I think we had a good time. So Saturday it was very nice outside so I sent him a text suggesting we hangout. He said he was headed out to the park with his dog and would bug me later. Later he texts me that he is "gonna be lame and call it an early night" since he was beat from the park.
I told him that was cool. I have decided that maybe I should loosen up a bit and let him be the first to initiate contact. I did not hear from him (text/call) at all afterwards on Saturday evening or all day Sunday.
Am I just over-analyzing this too much? I feel like I have been use to relationships where early on you tend to want to spend a lot of time with one another. I just can't help thinking I did or said something stupid on Friday night. I guess what I am asking is am I over reacting and is it OK to talk to your SO every, couple days instead of daily? | Been seeing this guy for a month. Never wants to hangout when I suggest although he did want to take things slow. Is it normal to go days without talking/texting your SO? |
t3_1rttez | relationships | I[19 M] with my [22F] girl of one month are talking way too much! | About a month ago I started talking to and pursuing a girl I go to college with. She is great, but completely my opposite -- sometimes I find myself clutching at straws for things to talk about that we both share an interest in.
We went on two dates, and then I slept over at her place after a campus party the following night. This occurred over a period of two weeks. We have been on Thanksgiving break all this week and we have been texting/communicating far too much. Like I said, sometimes it's hard for us to talk about things that are mutually interesting, and I feel that by talking so much we are just devaluing our relationship.
How can I tell her that I'm into her, but I think that the constant communication is killing our relationship? I do plan to ask her to be my official girlfriend soon, but only if we can stay interested in each other without getting to the 'boring' stage that this constant communication would get us to. | Girl wants to talk way too much. I fear that she will lose interest in me or I will lose interest in her if we continue. How do I delicately stop? |
t3_l17ug | AskReddit | New School, New Girls, Im a Socially awkward penguin. Any help? | since I'm posting on reedit, i assume everyone is aware of who the socially awkward penguin is. I am that penguin. Everything he's say, does, and even the way he acts, is exactly me. So here is my problem, 10th grade just started, and I'm in a brand new high school. i didn't know anyone there, and no one there knew who i was. i started of by making friends with other redditors and kids like me(nerds and gamers). One hot girl took interest in me and when she and her friend were drunk, the friend told me she was in love with me. so because i was SO socially awkward, i could never hold an irl convo for more than 30seconds with her, so i chatted with her over aim and Facebook. she asked me why i never talk to her in school and i gave some bullshit answer. later i called her best friend a slut(I'm even awkward on the internet, I'm pathetic). the day after she looked at me with disgust through the halls, and wouldn't say a word to me. i need to know what to do reddit. I'm too socially awkward to go at this alone. | im a socially awkward penguin, lost a girl who was into me, how do i act non penguin and get her back into me? |
t3_37w4x9 | relationship_advice | I [21/F] am in a long distance relationship but falling for my best friend | I have been dating someone [23/M] long distance for over 4 years now, he lives in another state across the country and we only get to see each other 1-2 times a year. We love each other to death but I feel like it's a dead end since we will never be able to live with each other any time soon (I'm talking seriously forever) under our circumstances.
I've just been so crushingly lonely, and recently my best friend [21/M] has started working at the same place as me and we've been getting very very close, sharing very dark personal stories and supporting each other every day, even subtle flirting. I am definitely falling for him and the fact that I get to see him every day isn't helping.
I love my SO to death but I just feel like this won't go anywhere. He is very much so in love with me and I feel like the last thing he deserves is for me to break his heart, but I just don't know how much longer I can stand the distance. I don't know what to do. | I'm in love with my SO but I only see him 1-2 times a year, meanwhile my best friend and I are getting very close and I'm falling for him. |
t3_1pexei | relationships | Her (23F) mom is dying if cancer, how do I (24M) handle this best? | We've been seeing eachother for about 2 months. Things have escalated to the point of her sleeping over and has met my family as I have met hers.
When I met her, her mother was living diagnosed, but in the last few weeks it's taken a downward turn.
We don't talk about her mom often, from what I gather she doesn't have much time left.
Although it's amazing when we get together, her moms illness is obviously emotionally overwhelming her, and the last few days she's shit down and been VERY distant from me :(
I've never had to deal with illness or death fortunately in my family, so I have no way to understand what I need to do/say. I try to be there for her, and while I ask how her moms doing, I keep it brief. I don't think she wants to dwell on that topic during time spent with me.
The last few weeks we've been talking a lot, and incredibly affectionate with eachother. But in the two days passed she's been bailing on plans and being very distant.
How do I handle this? This girl really matters to me :( | girls mom has cancer, causing emotional disturbance in the natural progression of an early relationship, but I care too much to quit her. |
t3_4xyei8 | relationships | [25/M] looking for honest help with [21/F]... | Sooo I need help. Like any advice anyone is willing to give. I've known this girl for awhile now. We met as co workers and it's still that way. Overtime my feelings for her grew to a point where I asked her to hang out, see movies, etc.. Just to get to know her. All went well until I asked her out on a date.
She agreed to it and seemed pretty optimistic about where this would go until after the date. The date even went well too. Later we talked and she said she likes me but not in that way. And that she'd like to see each other more to see if feelings might change. And for now we'll just work on being closer friends.
I know where this is going. And I know where it could end up. I treat her as a friend now and don't really give off the crush vibe I used to. However, aside from that facade I love her more than anything. I've never felt feelings that I feel for her, and I'm at the point where it's making me physically sick.
I just need help or tips on what I can do to get her feelings to change. She'll be making the next time to hang out, but she's also busy with work/life. Any suggestions on what to do or how to improve my chances would be a miracle for me... Please and thank you. | I'm in love with a girl who doesn't like me in that way but wants to hang out to see if things might change. How can I improve my chances/any suggestions? |
t3_28is4q | relationships | My (M20) girlfriend (22F) is leaving me because she doesn't want me to be a distraction in her future. | Hey r/relationships, I'm fairly torn up right now.
My girlfriend of one year asked me to have a talk with her last night after I got home from playing Catan with some friends. I did, and the subject of our future came up. She wants to go to a college across country to become a film editor, and I really just want to find a career and settle down, long term. Obviously these two goals don't mix. We had talked about this in the past, and up until this point, our mutual agreement was that I would go with her when she left to school, and build a career wherever we landed.
Last night, however, our discussion kind of blew up. It resulted in her, in plain English, telling me she "didn't want me to be a distraction" during school. I was fairly choked. We argued and eventually, I told her that if she wouldn't have me there with her, I wouldn't be willing to have a long term relationship.
After I told her this, there was a feeling of inevitability in the relationship ending. We were both very upset, crying, and trying to convince each other that, in fact, we could make it through this.
We were both visibly upset all day today, and when I got home from work, she was lying on the couch. I sat by her feet and didn't say anything, until she asked, "Are you okay?". I said no, and again, we had began crying.
Eventually, she asked, " So what's next?", to which I replied, "what do you want?". She then told me she wanted to move out, and that wed be better ending the relationship now, before she has enough saved for school.
Ive never been so upset. I've also never put so much effort and work into a relationship before. I've always known of her goals and dreams but a part of me always hoped she'd adapt them to include me, in the way I would for her. | GF wants to chat, tells me she doesn't want me to move across country with her. We get upset, fight, and today she tells me she wants to move out. |
t3_3h67jv | relationships | My [25M] girlfriend's [23F] friend's birthday is coming up and the guy who my ex cheated on my with will be there. Am I wrong for not wanting to go? | I'll try to keep this short...my current girlfriend, let's call her Bridgett, and I have been together for a little over 10 months. Several months prior to dating her, I was cheated on by my ex by the same guy TWICE, once in the beginning stages of our relationship and again at the tail end. Yeah, I know "once a cheater always a cheater" blah blah....I get it lesson learned.
On to the current situation...my girlfriend's friend, let's name her Sarah, is having her 23rd birthday next weekend, and both she and I (pretty sure I was invited bc im Bridgett's boyfriend since I've only met her a couple times and this was a small party -- but I digress) were invited. Coincidentally enough, Sarah is also close friends with the guy my ex cheated on me with, and I'm sure he will definitely be present for the birthday festivities.
Naturally enough, I'm not totally thrilled about going to this party due to what transpired between this guy and my ex several months prior to dating my current girlfriend. I told Bridgett, albeit reluctantly, that I would go so she wouldn't have to go alone, but I also expressed that I was ambivalent about going due to the reason stated above. She goes on to question my love for her, whether or not i'm over my ex, stating that if I was truly over her, I would have no problems at all with going to this party. She also added that if I loved her, I have no problems with this guy, saying, and I quote, "you can't blame him, if any guy was in a situation where a girl is hitting on him, he would go for it no questions asked, regardless of her relationship status"
Needless to say, I was somewhat taken aback by both her blanket statement about guys in general as well as her not understanding why I am totally not thrilled about this party. I want to hear your thoughts not on who's right or wrong per se, but just to get a third-person perspective on the whole situation. Thanks! | girlfriend's friend is having a party. Guy my ex cheated on me will be there. Girlfriend thinks if I truly love her, I would have no problems going |
t3_22ofom | relationships | I [25m] have fallen for a [29f] and things are about to get tricky. | A little context:
I met this girl through a mutual friend at a bar. We instantly clicked and had the most wonderful conversation and that night we hooked up and we thought mutually that this was the makings of a unmessy one night stand.
I thought this girl was so full of potential that I decided to text her and once again we started talking for hours about everything and anything. Its amazing and I couldn't be more elated at the prospect of a new relationship. Most importantly, she is on the same level and agrees with me on continuing the relationship.
More context: the problem starts with the fact that she lives 200mi away and we won't be able to see each other because of our schedules until the end of this month. More importantly, she won't be able to see me again until perhaps the next month after that because she, once again, will have a very busy schedule. And then after that. She will move for a position in her career that will last at least three years and be 1200mi away. After that there is absolutely no guarantee that she will move back.
I am currently in school and have another 2 yrs to go.
We will meet at the end of the month and if all goes well then I will see how adventurous I feel but whatever the case I need to prepare for both scenarios.
On one hand I have a passionate loving fling that will leave me ecstatic but disappointed, on the other I engage in a long distance relationship with no real prospect that our paths will meet again. I am probably completely insane but I got it so bad with this girl that im starting to think completly irrationally. Advice please. | I've fallen for a girl that doesn't live in my city, or state. Should I continue or let it go. |
t3_2dbss4 | relationships | Me [24 M] with my SOs [18-24 F]. Every relationship, showing feelings is bad | I'm starting to be sick of it. I'm in a relationship that's a couple weeks old, and we got to a point where things began to get rough for the first time. She did something that made me feel like she doesn't want to fully commit.
My problem is that the situation repeated itself many times in the past with other partners. It begins with me hesitating to tell her what I think is wrong, she notices that I behave differently and continues poking until I give in and give her a neutral, detailed, clear-headed explanation of my feelings, and... game over.
Showing feelings, regardless of the partner, almost instantly kills the relationship.
Either she no longer sees me as a man because something hurt my feelings, or I get told I worry too much, or they turn it around and create an emotional rollercoaster about themselves.
No matter what, every single time I show emotions as a man, it backfires completely and every time it's followed by the moment of clarity where I remember "yep, this is why I should always hide my feelings."
God this is frustrating. I'm mostly annoyed at myself right now because I know I should've just kept my mouth shut. I feel like a fool. Am I insanely unlucky, or should I just take the safe route and bite my tongue the next time this happens? | Men should never show emotion because it's a weakness and almost every woman hates weakness. Be a stone. Showing feelings is a high-risk low-reward kind of deal. |
t3_2q717a | relationships | After 7 years, should I leave? | A little bit of background:
I am 26 and my boyfriend is 30. We have been together for 7 years. We met while I was at school in NYC, I then transferred to school at home in Boston and we did long distance for about 8 months before he moved to Boston. He is from Florida.
He lived in Boston for about 2.5 years before going to law school in New Orleans. I did not live with him but spent about half the week at his apartment. He decided to go to law school as his father is a lawyer in Florida, and to be honest, he just couldn't find long-term, decent-paying work in Boston at the time (he moved during the 2009 economic crash).
I did not move to New Orleans while he was in law school because I was finishing up my undergraduate degree in Boston and then found a job fairly quickly in Boston and felt like I couldn't give it up. Needless to say, the 3 years that he was in law school was very, very difficult. Nonetheless, we made it through.
In the meantime, he is working with his father in Florida, and I am still in Boston. I got a promotion and a significant pay raise so it helped to pay off my student loan debt.
For the past year or so, I have really wanted him to propose, to take our relationship to the next level. He wants me to move to FL and says that he will not propose until I move, because he "wants to be sure." I feel like after 7 years, you know if you are going to marry someone. I feel like I'm getting dragged along. We've been through a lot, but I don't think it's too much to ask for at this point.
I've given him 6 months, and if he doesn't propose by then I will need to end the relationship. | My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years, 4 of which have been long distance. He won't propose. |
t3_s1w6i | dogs | Hello redditors, I'm having some concerning thoughts right now... | One of my friends found a puppy and since he already has a fair number of dogs, he couldn't really take care of her, but that isn't the problem. He asked me if I wanted her and of course I immediately said yes without a thought(This happened 4 days ago). The puppy is fairly big, I would assume she is maybe not even a year old yet. Yesterday I found out that the puppy might possibly be some form of Pitbull and since I am currently living within the Miami-Dade area they are kind of illegal, but I really want to take care of her and really don't know anyone else(or rather I don't want to know anyone else) that will take care of her. I'm thinking about getting around the whole vet thing by taking her to another county since they are legal anywhere else in Florida, then again I might just be a 17 year old boy who is getting in over his head because he loves dogs. Any bit of helpful advice would be much appreciated. If any of you do recommend I keep her, what useful advice could you give me in terms of raising a Pitbull and trying to get her used to being outside? | My friend gave me a puppy he found, the type of dog is kind of illegal in my county, I don't want to give her up, but I might just be an idiot 17 year old who loves dogs too much. |
t3_ouzgy | AskReddit | How do you flirt using humor? | I'm not sure how to explain this..
So I've been 'trying' to get a girlfriend recently(i know you're not supposed to actively try, but its more marketing myself as available), and I realized that one of my 'strengths' is humor. (I'm nowhere near the Dave Chapelle level) but I do alright. Anyways, humor has been very hit or miss.personally, I don't believe in censoring what I say to attract people, but I realize I can talk about "pussy this and that" all day.
So I'm wondering where should i draw the line when trying to flirt or just talk to people? Also how does one draw the line when you meet someone? The reason I ask this is because, if you're trying to connect with a someone, you have to go beyond an initial comfort level, or else conversation would be really stale. But you can't delve into another person's life so much that it becomes intrusive/creepy. | Guy trying to flirt, is trying to find the line between humor and profanity. Also How do you find the line between intimacy and intrusion in a conversation? |
t3_fd4pr | AskReddit | How do you find your motivation Reddit? | I'm finding myself in a hole of depressed, and can't seem to pull myself out of it. Lot's of the posts that I see like this get responses along the lines of "keep yourself busy, doesn't mater what it is, just go out and do something, even if you do it by yourself."
And thats where I'm hitting a major roadblock. Even when I'm feeling happier, I dislike doing stuff by myself. Yet I have no friends to get out and do stuff with. I'm pushing 30 this year so it's hard to go meet people for stuff to do, plus I've got a touch of social anxiety that really puts a hitch in meeting new people/going out in general.
I do have a few random hobbies I've been able to keep myself busy with in the past, but for the past few months it just seems so worthless to do any of these. Even if I force myself to just start doing something, it usually only lasts 5 minutes tops before I just stop caring to bother. The effort in just seems more than what I'm getting out of it, and nothing seems worth while to do.
I know I need to go seek profensional help, but just thinking about talking to some one starts the panic attack feelings(if thats not a screaming yell for help I don't what is) And can't get past the fear just to go get help. | So I guess after all that rambling, my question for Reddit is; How to you find the motivation to be motivated? |
t3_16ez30 | BreakUps | 26/M and 21/F. Ending it gracefully. [xpost] | I have recently been dumped in a rather monumental fashion. Essentially she just stopped talking to me and my attempts to contact her and ask for an explanation have been met with nothing but silence.
I do not know why she has done this, and I would like to know. Although, to be entirely honest, I am alright with the fact that she has decided she does not want to be with me. I would like to extend the option of friendship to her but I doubt she would be receptive of this, given the way she has decided to end things.
I have written up a fairly long message that I would like to send to her as a parting farewell. In essence, I want her to know that I am not bitter about the way she has treated me, that I would rather she spoke to me about it but I am ok with the fact that she didn't. I am not upset or bitter, I'm not going to try and win her back. I am ok with being friends.
My question is, should I send the message? Or should I just walk away from the relationship without letting her know how I feel? | Got dumped. Not upset. Send her a message to tell her this, or just walk away and let it hang. |
t3_2a4hxj | relationships | Me [19 F] with my boyfriend [20 M] in happiest relationship of my life, yet can't stop thinking about my ex... | I was in a very whirlwind relationship with a guy in September of last year. We'll call him James. I was very infatuated with him, and I ended up cheating on my boyfriend with him back then. He then found another girl and started to date her, leaving me because "he couldn't trust me." It broke my heart. It took me many months of having sex with random guys and trying to find myself before it finally hurt less..
Cut forward to January when I meet another guy, we'll call him Robert. Robert was unlike any other guy I'd ever known. He clicked with me instantly, I am so sexually attracted to him, we have the same sense of humor, we can talk for hours, we are interested in the same things and always have something new to talk about. He makes me feel good about myself, and I feel incredibly lucky to have him.
I had been dating Robert for about 5 months before I see that James added me on Facebook again. Against my better judgement, I accepted him. We talked for a while, and soon, we began talking every day again. He asked me out on a coffee date, and I went with him. We ended up lying in the grass together after talking about how weird everything was, but there was still a crazy amount of sexual tension. I told Robert about this after, and I knew that he wasn't going to approve. He told me that he wasn't comfortable with me talking to James anymore, and I agreed: it was a bad idea. I broke off all contact with James again, and I haven't been in contact with him since.
However, I still think about James so much. I am so in love with Robert, and I would never give up this relationship for anyone. I think there might be something wrong with me or something. Am I just addicted to destroying relationships? Am I just being dumb? | guy I used to date tried to get back into my life after I got into an amazing relationship, rejected him but can't stop thinking about him |
t3_2wxftc | tifu | TIFU by using my SodaStream absentmindedly. | I drink a lot of carbonated water. I used to go through 2 twelve packs of La Croix every week before I purchased my SodaStream. This morning I decided I was going to make a liter bottle of Raspberry flavored water before work. Also important to keep in mind is that the CO2 cartridge that came with the device was still producing, but obviously running low.
There are warnings over virtually every soda stream bottle and all over the box for the SodaStream warning you not to put the flavoring in before you carbonate the water. However, I was in a hurry to get to work and absentmindedly did that exact thing. I realized what I had done before I carbonated the water, but I thought, "hey it's like 2 tsp. of water flavoring, not soda syrup, this should be fine."
I placed the bottle on the carbonator, locked it in place, pressed down the button to carbonate. Usually once it gets close to full there is a whistle. This time there was no whistle so I thought maybe it was because the carbonator was old and running out of CO2. So once it got to 5 "water drops," I stopped and gave it one or two more seconds of CO2 for good measure.
As soon as I pulled the bottle out away from the sodastream which unlocks the bottle from it. The bottle shot away from the SodaStream, with my hand under it, crushing my fingers against the granite counter-top and bukkake'd about 7/8th of a litre of raspberry flavored sparkling water all over me, and everything that happened to be within a 10 foot radius of where I stood. This included the mail for the day, my clothes where I was prepared to go to work, and underneath the upper cabinets.
I was already running late for work and this was made worse by the sudden need to clean the kitchen and myself before leaving. The ring finger on my left hand is swollen and stiff, and I still smell like Raspberries. | Absentmindedly made sparkling water with my soda stream without following the instructions; became the subject of a raspberry water bukkake. |
t3_3axa3v | relationships | Me [22 M] with my lover/gf [19F] and I'm having REAL trouble trusting. | I've known her for a little while now, we started out speaking a lot. Then we moved to hanging out. I feel like it's been a train ride, a huge explosion of dopamine and seratonin and I am falling for her REALLY HARD.
She is beautiful, smart, interesting, funny. And I have a stable job, a car and everything which would be good for her.
But I am finding it so hard to trust.
My first ex girlfriend was flat out abusive and the second was a popular tumblr boob girl who spend the two yeras I was being a father to her son fucking around with other men completely in secrecy. I want to believe this new girl is different, she says she likes me she says she wants me, I told her I was falling in love with her.
The issue is I have no trust, and I don't know how to build it. I haven't had any experience in building trust and right now I am too scared. | Please offer me advice to be able to trust this girl, she told me she wants to be around to see my pet snake grow up, which is like 2 or 3 years I need some advice. |
t3_3ykwe9 | offmychest | I almost ruined my college experience due to depression and anxiety | The title says it all. I was really anxious for some reason. I thought the source of my anxiety was from me doing stupid shit when drunk/blackout. I've been to counsellors, therapists and psychiatrists. I had friends disappear and never talk to me even when I did see them on occasions. It was weird. People got tired of my shit and they poofed like ghosts. I had really weird thoughts and felt strange in my own body. I thought my head was shrinking and was getting softer too. Other weird experiences were: I would be alone by myself and couldn't tell if my eyes were really looking at what I was looking at. I was feeling weird, confused and anxious. My eyes would twitch and my hands were weak that it fucked up my workouts. I can tell from other people's reactions that I wasn't acting normal. Literally people stayed away from me like I was a leper lol, it was fucked.
Recently I suspected that I might be magnesium deficient. I read online that a lot of people are magnesium deficient. Magnesium helps with anxiety which might help with depression. If you workout and don't keep a steady diet plus drink alcohol, you could be magnesium deficient. Even if you do keep a steady diet.. You could still be deficient. The magnesium that I took originally was magnesium oxide which is garbage. I went to CVS to get magnesium citrate. I shit you not that after taking it, I literally felt less anxious than ever before. My eyes didn't feel like it was carrying a thousand pounds anymore. Keep in mind that I did try to sleep well too. Anyways, I Am going to keep taking my magnesium because it has tremendously helped me. | Had anxiety all the time. Lost fake friends and people thought I was weird as fuck. Took magnesium and now I can function without being a complete weirdo. |
t3_13oplj | relationships | Boyfriend M[26] looks at porn despite the fact that I F[21] am upset by it and won't have anal sex with him. | My boyfriend M[26] and I F[21] have been together for 2 years and lived together for about a year. He has been wanting me to have anal sex with him, in which I've tried 3 times, resulting in feeling violated and lots of tears.
He keeps looking at porn claiming it is because I won't have anal sex with him and he can be satisfied by just watching it. It really upsets me that he looks at porn so I've told him many times that I feel de-valued, cheated on and completely disrespected when he does it.
I've taken steps with him to get to the point where I might be comfortable with it in the future (toys and whatnot) but I have trouble seeing it happening. The fact that he won't stop looking at porn is taking a huge toll on the relationship so I've offered to give him whatever videos or pictures of me he would like (but I'm afraid it won't be enough). I need some advice, is he asking for too much? Or am I too much of a prude? | Boyfriend looks at porn when it upsets me because I won't have anal sex. Tried a few times, offered other alternatives besides porn but afraid it's not enough. |
t3_2ynkm2 | relationships | Me [23 M] with my GF [20 /F] for a year now, she wants to explore other options | I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year now. We can see life together and we both tell each other that we love each other. I've graduated school and I'm working in my career, making a stable income, living in my own apartment while she's still in school.
Some background as to what lead up to this issue: She's only been with a few guys while I've been with a few more girls and she feels the need to have sex with a couple more guys before she feels ready to "settle down". She says that she loves me and sees herself ending up with me in the end but she wants to "experience more of life" first. Currently she's torn because she says that she's very happy in the current relationship, but at the same time she really wants to experience other men a couple more times. She says that she sees us getting married in the end.
I'm a little confused as to what to think and how to react. I asked her to describe how she would like the entire thing to play out and she says that she would want us to take a break, she would find a guy and then a few months later we would get back together. I am no so enthusiastic about that however I can't stop her.
Is this simply a part of her growing up? I'm not sure what to do about this because I do love her and I do see a life together with her. | Girlfriend and I love each other, but she wants to hook up with a few more guys before settling down with me. |
t3_35ivs5 | relationships | Me [28/F] have been with my BF [27M] for 3 weeks and we might have broken up over my ex! Help Please?! | I've been seeing this guy for 3 weeks, tonight he was supposed to meet my parents... my ex happen to come around with some of my other friends... we get on ok... so my bf arrives greats everybody and when my ex extends his hand my bf ignores him, he says why is he here? I told him he was just a friend he then asked if he was invited and I told him again he was just a friend then he asked if my ex had any "friends" there when he met my parents... then he left... I tried to talk to him outside and he told me I "belittled" his opinion which is why I find him leaving extreme... I told him he wants me to change my past and I can't... he said he doesn't need me to change anything he just needs me to leave him alone, told me I didn't do anything wrong and wished me "ALL THE BEST"... Some of my friends are saying it's a sign he's controlling, others think that to him meeting my parents was a big deal and I offended him and made him feel like I was less important... I really like this man and have shared more about myself with him than anyone before..I believe he mean it and wasn't trying to manipulate me, i think he was hurt by it... did I do something wrong? is he controlling? anyone had anything like this? SORRY ABOUT HOW IT'S WRITTEN. I'M NEW | BOLD New Boyfriend was hurt by fact my ex was there when he was to meet my parents.. Is he Controlling or did I do something wrong? |
t3_4e8n4w | relationships | [23F]My bf [26M] is always horny and its affecting our relationship and his self esteem. | My bf and I have been together for 4 years. We have great sex but I am not always horny like he is. He seems to be horny anytime we're together and sometimes cant control himself and initiates foreplay. Sometimes i get really angry when hes being too persistent and then he gets mad at himself for being persistent and not listening to me. It makes him feel horrible when I have to repeatedly say no. He questions if I still find him attractive or if I still love him, which I do. I'll admit I don't get aroused as often as I used to but that has always been the case in my long term relationships. Sometimes I engage in sex purely just to pleasure him even if I don't want to. I just don't want him to keep feeling bad about this, he has a lot going on as is. Do I keep having unwanted sex to make my bf happy? | bf is always horny, I am not. He feels crappy about it. Do I keep having sex to make him happy |
t3_2ffx8v | tifu | TIFU by not remembering a customer | So, context. I currently have summer job working in a local amusement park in a small town within Northern Ireland. One of the requirements for this job is to operate the ghost train carts as they go in one door and come out the other, while allowing customers on. Using a operating desk, with three buttons on it, i am able to control when cars go in, when the ones in the middle can be moved up and when the ones that have just come out the bottom (with people in them) can be moved up once the customer has left the cart. So...When the customer comes out the bottom door of the ghost train, they are about a 20ft gap away from due to the space for the other carts to take up. Because of this I try to make them leave their cart asap to prevent another coming out and crashing into them, and some times i'll press the button to control that cart just a tad to move it so they get the idea to move out quickly. One day a woman comes out the bottom of the ghost train....and just sits there. It's a busy day, im trying to deal with a lot of customers, and I have 6 other people breathing down my neck trying to get on. I tell them I need to get this woman off before they can go on. So, i hit the bottom and shunt her car while she's only starting to try and sit up, she looks shocked at me. I do it again, she looks even more shocked. I start staring at her, implying "please hurry up. you're taking your time" and she slowly moves her way out of the car, grabbing the bars around her and slowly pulling herself out. The I notice something odd, a man starts hugging her as she exits the cart, as if she can't stand...and then I remember. I look behind me, and there lies the wheelchair she asked me to look after while she got on the ride. She said her husband would collect it after the ride was done... and in my rush I had forgotten who she was and that she had cerebral palsy. I felt disgusting. | I tried to get a woman out of her ghost train cart quickly by shunting it, I forgot she was disabled. |
t3_3a6cgb | tifu | TIFU by making a joke about computer science students being autistic. | I'm taking Computer Science I over the summer at my school and a lot of the people in my class are very weird, constantly talk over professor, or try to prove they know more, or some don't talk at all and pick their nails. I told my mom that everyone's got it wrong the whole time engineering students aren't the autistic ones, it's the computer science studies. She was having a pretty bad and she's been under a lot stress lately and she's been pretty upset with me about my academic performance last semester, and that I've ket some struggles I've had a secret from her. She told me I might not want to joke about it, and I said "What, am I autistic?
Turns out I got diagnosed as PDD-NOS as a young child, and my parents didn't want me to have to live life with a label and they just treated me like a normal kid. And they just kept a close eye on me than they did with my siblings. And that the reason a lot of times I got lesser punishments from my parents for things I did, was because they understood I was a bit "different". Like because I don't have a lot of friends whenever I asked if I could hang out with a friend the answer was almost always a yes, with few questions asked. Now a lot things I struggle with in life make sense, but it also feels good to know that there's a reason I struggle with some of the things I do. | I made a joke about all computer science students being autistic. Then my mom told me that I was autistic and they kept it a secret from me, because they didn't want me to be labeled. |
t3_2l6dwi | relationships | I [26 M] had made plans with my girlfriend [25 F] a month in advance and she bailed 3 days beforehand to go to a party alone. | So a bit of background: I'm 26, she's 25. We've been dating for nearly 2 years and we live together. I work full-time and she's a student. This is a throwaway.
I had bought tickets to a special event about a month in advance, which was of considerable importance to me. She was my date. Fast forward to 3 days before the event and she asks me if it's ok if she attends a student party that night. I explain to her how important this event was for me and that she had plenty of chances to attend parties later throughout her school year.
We fought about it and I kind of lost my temper. She listed reasons why the party was important to her, I listed reasons why she shouldn't renege on our plans. Despite everything I said, she told me she was sorry but she was going to the party.
Here's the kicker: she told me it was a student-only party and that she couldn't invite me. It threw me into a bit of a rage and I told her I wasn't cool with the idea at all.
I ended up going to my event with a close friend and she ended up going to the party. I'm not the clingy type and I generally don't care if my girlfriend wants to spend a night alone. We both value our space and freedom. But it seems really inconsiderate, given we had this night set in stone and that her decision expressed a general disregard for my feelings despite her being overly-apologetic after the fact.
It's now two days after the event and I feel torn about the whole thing. It's hard for me to drop this kind of thing. What do I do? | I made special plans for us months in advance, my GF backed out 3 days before for a college party. What do I do? |
t3_37wus2 | tifu | TIFU by having a one night stand with a thief | So I go out with a bunch of friends to a bar last night. Like most nights I drink before so I don't buy too many over priced drinks. I walk in the bar and immediately see this tall beautiful women with curly hair cut to her shoulders. A "bob" if you would. She is trying to get a drink, and horrible at getting the bartenders attention. So I walk over, make a introduction, and proceed to assist in getting her a drink. After 20 minutes of talking I convince her to come back to my place. We leave, and go back to my house. We immediately go to my room and proceed to get our rocks off. Later on the following morning I get awoken by my neighbor knocking on my window at 6:30 AM. He explained to me that he had to leave for a plane flight, and needed someone to watch ANOTHER neighbors baby until she gets off work at 8 AM. So of course I obliged his request. I get back at 8 AM. Everything seems normal. My weeds where I put it. My computer is fine. EXCEPT the heartless wench took my favorite pair of Black Levi 511's & Sublime T-Shirt. WHO THE FUCK STEALS FUCKING PANTS. I wear those fucking pants 3 times a week. Now I will never see them again. RIP Black Levi 511s & Sublime TShirt | Had one night stand; awoken to perform emergency babysitting; returned; Favorite Black Levi 511s & band Tshirt missing. Lady also missing. |
t3_4et195 | relationships | I [18F] with my boyfriend [18M] of one year, went to a concert with my ex and three other friends, boyfriend brings it up in arguments | (Throwaway & I'm sorry if I ramble here)
So when me and my ex broke up we already had a concert booked but we stayed on good terms and we are each in year long relationships now. When we went to it, I'd been with my boyfriend for two months and it was going great. We had a relatively small fight about me going but it was short-lived and we talked it out.
Anyways, I feel very guilty because I booked a ticket to another concert and I didn't know who I'd be going with. It turned out the only people I knew going were my ex, an old friend, a new friend (the girlfriend of my boyfriend's friend) and one of her friends. My boyfriend and I have argued about this countless times and I know it was wrong of me but I spent the entire night with my new friend and her friend.
Recently, my boyfriend told me he still doesn't forgive me for this and he uses it to get one over me in current arguments. Is this fair? All my life I've found it very easy to remain on good terms with exes and this one is part of my group of friends. I can't understand why it's as wrong as it is but he and his friends still occasionally talk about it behind my back. Since his friends and I have become close this puts me in a very uncomfortable position as a couple of them have said that they would have broken up with me for this.
I feel terrible about it but I don't know if it's justifiable to bring it up in every argument where it's irrelevant. Am I insensitive or is he wrong to do so? And am I really as awful as he says I am?
I'm also very hung up on the fact that he won't ever forgive me when I've apologised so many times and I actively avoid my ex now (who has been a close friend for years). Is it normal to be unable to forgive your s/o? | Went to a concert with my ex and some friends, boyfriend says he cannot and will not forgive me and throws it in my face to win arguments. |
t3_3thk3l | personalfinance | Inherited Beneficiary IRA- need advice | Hello PF,
My mother passed away earlier this year and I inherited $130,000 in the form of a Beneficiary IRA. I have two older brothers who also received the same amount. A little background info on me: 29(m), single with a 3y.o. daughter, no debt, car paid off, several months in an emergency account and about $25k cash. Make 60k/yr and live in a house I inherited.
So far I have left the money in the care of the financial advisor she was using. I think he charges .75% (need to double check that number) a year to manage the money.
Since this is a tax-deferred account, and Uncle Sam wants his money, I'm required o start taking distributions from this account in the near future. I'm fine with that.
My issue is that I'm getting conflicting advice on what to do with this money.
The financial advisor thinks it's best to only take the minimum distribution. Obviously if I took all the money out, I would lose a significant amount to taxes that COULD be earning interest instead. I do realize he has a financial interest in me keeping the money in the IRA account so he gets more commission.
I also spoke to a CPA to make sure my financial situation was good and there wouldn't be any surprises. She recommended that I take out MORE than the minimum required distribution. Her reasoning is that I am likely to have a higher tax rate in the future, so I should get the money out now and put the money into my Roth IRA and other instruments. | Beneficiary IRA account. Financial advisor says to leave it and take the minimum required distribution, CPA says to take more out now to avoid a higher tax bracket later. |
t3_3ssm4p | cats | My Dad Is Threatening To Put My Cat Down Because He Pees In The Basement | Okay, so we've been trying to sell our house. I don't want too, but whatever my dad wants, it happens. We've had over 40 showings, but not a single offer.
Anyways,
One of our cats, Ging pees in the basement. We have carpet right now, but my dad wants to put in hardwood. I think this is a terrible idea, because he will still pee there and ruin the wood, but he is still doing it.
Today, I woke up and heard everyone yelling at each other. My parents have decided the cats should go outside a lot now. Here's the thing: Last time we tried this a few months back, they ran away for a night. My sister, Lauren was up crying about it. It was a tough night. But, they came back.
Now, my mom and dad are letting them out.
And the worst part, is that a few minutes ago, my dad said that he will take Ging to the vet and put him down if he keeps peeing.
I told him that if he even tried anything like that, I would do everything I can to stop it, including calling the police. he just laughed at me and said "it's his house."
I'm freaking out here. I'm afraid he will put down our young, healthy cat because he doesn't like him, and I feel he only wants him outside, because he secretly wants them to die.
Help, please. What do I do? | Dad wants new hardwood floor even though one cat pees on it, he now lets them outside even though last time they ran away, and said he would put down one of our cats if he keeps peeing. |
t3_3ixxkz | tifu | TIFU by charging my phone. | TIFU: Today I fucked up by charging my phone
I'm very new to reddit so apologies in advance..
So recently this exchange student has been staying at my house as he came out here to visit some friends. He is really clueless as being from another country so he doesn't really understand things. He's going to be a sophomore and I'm going to be a junior in high school.
Me and my family were going to be going out of town for a few days so I told him he needed a different place to stay while we were going to be gone.
He still hadn't found a place to stay the night before me and my family were leaving. But me, him, and another friend went to hang out anyway. My phone was almost dead so I left it home to charge.
By the way I smoke weed quite often and I've been having sex with a girl from my school which keep in mind I live in a state where marijuana is illegal.
So as we're all hanging out my friend got a text from my phone telling me I needed to come home right away to figure out a plan for the exchange kid.
On our way home it crossed my mind how many horrible texts I'd sent and received from my friends talking about sex, weed, and any other horrible things a teenager could think of.
When we got home I knew I was in deep shit. There was no covering my tracks, my mom had clearly read the texts between me and the girl I'd been fucking.
I have really strict parents so I got yelled at and punished all while the exchange kid sat downstairs listening to the whole thing.
Now up to present day and I've been grounded for one week out of like four and I'm not allowed to hang out with any of the same friends. | Left phone at home to charge. Mother knew password (because somehow she saw me do it enough). Now my parents know they're innocent little boy is an all around shitty person. |
t3_3tt0vs | relationships | Me [23 F] with my boyfriend [24 M] 3 years, I'm having problem find myself interested in sex. | Me and my boyfriend have been together 3 years over the past year I've been finding myself disinterested in sex for short periods of time. Most of the time if my boyfriend is really trying I just give in even though I'm not interested. In the last two month or so its change to me not being interested at all. I've ask before for him to kind of back of and let me initiate but that only lasts a few days and I don't find my self interested in that time. So recently instead of just not really acting interested I said "I don't want have sex" so he just keeps trying and I gave in cause I felt bad about what I had just said. After that I've just felt like I couldn't do it anymore. Then about a week and a half later I seem disinterested and he asks if I want to I say I don't so he keeps trying and when he is not getting anything he says 'just a quickie'. I found myself really annoyed at him for saying that cause I don't see how a 'quickie' is going to make any difference to me not being interested. I've found myself not wanting to sleep in the same bed as him cause I don't want to have him keep on trying. How do I turn this around and find a way to be interested again? | Boyfriend finds out I'm not interested in sex so asks for a quickie. I find my self annoyed and not wanting to sleep in the same bed cause I want him to stop try to initiate sex when I'm not interested. |
t3_4d90m8 | relationships | My boyfriend (m27) opening bar and would like to hire waitresses dressed in skimpy dresses. I ( f27 ) feel uncomfortable with this. | We have known each other for 6 years and dated for less than 1 year. My boyfriend will soon be opening up his own bar. I am really proud of of what he has accomplished so far. He works so hard for the both of us. He tells me he wants us to have a comfortable life where he can provide for us. I really appreciate what he does and how caring and thoughtful he is.
He told me that he would get the waitresses to dress in short black dress that reveal a bit in order to make good sales. Apparently sex sells. I really feel uncomfortable with the idea that he will be working with girls dressed in that manner. Showing off their breasts and short dresses.
I told him it would make me uncomfortable. As a girl I do compare myself to other girls. He told me that he loves me and that I should have nothing to worry about. It's not that I don't trust him but I don't know if I can trust the girls. I have been cheated on in the past so I worry that his bar would be a perfect environment for that to happen.
I can't stop worrying about it. Am I over reacting? I don't know how to deal with it. | Boyfriend going to hire waitresses and have them dress in skimpy dresses to maximize sales at his new bar. This makes me uncomfortable. |
t3_2saa4l | relationships | Me [26F] with guy [32M] I've dated for 2 months, broke up and regrets | I'm 26F and have been seeing 32M for 2 months. My bday was on Monday and he took me out for a nice dinner on Saturday, but no card or anything which was fine. He was going to be leaving town on Wednesday and so I asked him if I could see him before he left. My actual bday was on Monday (yesterday) and we had agreed to meet up that night to see each other before he left town for a week trip. Monday rolls around and I get no text or anything to say happy birthday, but i assumed I'd see him that night so it wasn't a huge deal. I texted him when I was through with work and he replied back saying that a pipe broke in his building and he had to work late and wouldn't be able to see me, with no plan to see me the next day. I thought it was strange he didn't say happy birthday or anything and that he didn't let me know sooner about the pipe burst, having to work late, etc.
I talked to a friend and decided I needed to end it with him because I was on the fence already. I called him and we had a pleasant convo in which he still didn't say happy birthday when I ended it. I didn't make it about that but said we weren't well matched. I don't think we had amazing chemistry. He said he was completely surprised by it and it came out of left field. I asked him why he didn't say happy birthday at least and he said "I gave you a nice present and don't need to say it again." I apologized and thanked him for dinner again. Then I hung up and we left it at that. I still don't think I was asking for too much and I don't get why he was surprised that I'd want to end it. He also could've let me know earlier in the day about the pipe burst and his not being able to see me that night. Was I being inconsiderate? | Not sure if I made a mistake breaking up with him, was I asking for too much for him to say happy birthday on my actual birthday? |
t3_1lbi7o | relationship_advice | This one stumped r/dating_advice. Any ideas from those hopeless romantics out there?? | Hi everyone!
I have a slightly unusual situation to run by you. I [F24] met a wonderful guy [M22] through a friend of a friend at a party several weeks ago. We clicked immediately, and got lost in conversation between the two of us for the next three, four hours at the party. He then offered to drive me home, but we detoured by a park with a beautiful view of our city's skyline, and, well, I didn't make it back to my own bed that night. We enjoyed a slow morning together when we woke up, complete with homemade breakfast, laughs, and a mutual feeling that we should see each other again.
Over the course of the next two weeks, we hung out another three or four times, with each time lasting so long it bleeds into a sleepover. I feel so intellectually inspired by this guy, and really admire his values, kindness, and sense of adventure. He's a professional artist and hustles like no one I've ever met to accomplish his dreams. He's also super dreamy, which doesn't hurt.
Only problem: after three weeks of knowing each other, he left on a work trip (working abroad in Europe) for three months. I'm not sure we had enough time for the spark of our mutual interest to take, but I am certainly very interested in keeping in touch and seeing what happens when he returns. However, I went abroad in college (he didn't), and I completely understand the transformative experience of travel and how much it can change you. It's not fair to expect a single thing out of him in regards to commitment.
That being said, he does have occasional email access over the next few months. How can I help keep him interested, without putting on too much pressure and seeming overly clingy/committed? I'm really involved and do a lot of active, interesting things, but I think it couldn't hurt to showcase my best self and try to keep things developing. | New love interest and I hit it off big time, but then he left for three months. How can I fan the flame without being too overwhelming? |