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191 | How can I be less afraid of people? | I am a female and in my early teens. I don't want to feel afraid of people. When I meet someone, I know that they are okay, but I still feel afraid. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-afraid-of-people | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Maybe the problem is learning to trust yourself to not be afraid other people!Reflect on what you believe would increase your trust of believing your own judgement on whom to trust.If you've had any type of violation during your growing up years or witnessed someone in your family be violated, emotionally, physically or through some terrible accident or incident, then you may hesitate to believe other people are safe and not to be feared.Give yourself plenty of time and reassurance that as long as you are making sincere effort to increase you comfort around other people, eventually you will succeed. | 0 | 62 |
192 | How can I learn to not shut down and say what's wrong with me? | When I get talked to by my dad or stepmom, or if I'm in trouble, I will begin to cry and not say what's wrong with me. When my dad or stepmom ask what is wrong, I never know the answers or the words to put together what is actually wrong with me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-learn-to-not-shut-down-and-say-what-s-wrong-with-me | anxiety | Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc | I really admire that you want to express yourself to your parents! It's very normal to have fear about how to talk to a parent, let alone two at the same time. Most adults don't do what you want to do.Could you come up with what you want to say to them before you are feeling upset? What do you really need them to know? Also, do you want your dad and stepmom to meet certain emotional needs for you? Maybe they would benefit from knowing that you have a hard time expressing yourself when you are upset and can help to come up with ways to help you through that. Perhaps you need some space from them when you are crying, or maybe you need to talk to one parent alone vs both at the same time. You don't have to wait to be upset to have these conversations either--if you feel you can approach them when things are "calm" (whatever that means for your household), it may be easier to communicate.It's important to know they may not respond the way you want. It's up to you to decide if you feel safe or not to express yourself, but it seems like you want to if you are seeking an answer for this dilemma! | 0 | 29 |
192 | How can I learn to not shut down and say what's wrong with me? | When I get talked to by my dad or stepmom, or if I'm in trouble, I will begin to cry and not say what's wrong with me. When my dad or stepmom ask what is wrong, I never know the answers or the words to put together what is actually wrong with me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-learn-to-not-shut-down-and-say-what-s-wrong-with-me | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Maybe you need more time to reflect and organize your thoughts.Try to figure out what would make you feel more relaxed about talking to your dad or stepmom.Also its possible you simply don't feel safe around either of them and so intuitively realize you're better off not talking with them about a delicate matter.Depending on whether you trust talking to dad and stepmom, you may simply wish to excuse yourself from speaking about yourself.There's no good reason to be heartfelt with people whom you don't feel are willing to accept or understand who you are. | 0 | 26 |
193 | How can I get over my fear of public embarrassment? | A lot of times, I avoid situations where I am to meet new people because I have a fear of embarrassing myself. I often avoid large groups of people, like parties, because I think they all constantly judge me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-my-fear-of-public-embarrassment | anxiety | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | Hello, and thank you for your question. First, I want you to know that you are certainly not alone on this issue. Everyone, at some point in time, has a fear of public embarrassment. But for many people, this fear can become so awful that it begins to have a real negative impact on their quality of life. They will try to avoid any situation that they even THINK will cause them embarrassment or anxiety. Escaping a possible embarrassing moment by avoiding or isolating may cause some relief at first, but then many times the avoidance will eventually lead to loneliness, isolation, and even despair. By avoiding, we can also miss out on things that make us feel alive and bring enjoyment. There are many self-help books that offer advice on this issue. You can do an internet search, and I recommend reading the reviews of the book. That is great way to find out if others have found the book helpful. Another option is to seek a counselor to help you with this fear. I would recommend a counselor who specializes in helping people who have anxiety or social anxiety. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a good choice for helping with anxiety, but there are many others. The truth is that anxiety and fear of embarrassing ourselves is not something that any of us will ever "get over", but we can learn to respond to those feelings differently. A colleague may offer some other advice, as well.. Be wellRobin Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC | 1 | 345 |
193 | How can I get over my fear of public embarrassment? | A lot of times, I avoid situations where I am to meet new people because I have a fear of embarrassing myself. I often avoid large groups of people, like parties, because I think they all constantly judge me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-my-fear-of-public-embarrassment | anxiety | Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc | When I talk with clients about social anxiety sometimes I'll ask them what they would do if their anxiety was manageable. Would you want to be more social? Would that improve you quality of relationships in your life? These answers can clarify what you want your life to look like and how much socialization you are truly interested in.It's normal to have thoughts and fears about what others are thinking of us, otherwise we'd be pretty shameless in our behavior! Even though we feel as though we are in the spotlight, the truth is that most people are not focused on us. There's hundreds of thousands of stimuli the brain processes (especially at a party!) and you are a very small percentage of that. Think about it this way--if you are at a party with a bunch of other people, why would you be in "center stage" vs anyone else at that party? When people are worried about embarrassment or judgment, they typically act in ways to be less visible in public. Chances are, people notice you less than they notice others simply because of avoidance behaviors.I don't think it's needed to attend every social event because who has the energy for that?! But pushing yourself to engage can teach your brain that you can push yourself through these events. The more you avoid, the more your brain will because the situation is something to fear. If you can, stick with someone you trust or connect to. That could help you to enjoy the experience more and frame it somewhat positively.If you really struggle on your own, you could visit a counselor and work on some strategies that fit for you. | 0 | 85 |
193 | How can I get over my fear of public embarrassment? | A lot of times, I avoid situations where I am to meet new people because I have a fear of embarrassing myself. I often avoid large groups of people, like parties, because I think they all constantly judge me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-my-fear-of-public-embarrassment | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Why not accept and tolerate that you naturally are a shy person who doesn't like large groups?This is not necessarily something to get over if it is part of who you are.People have the capacity to judge others regardless of whether the group is large or small.If you aren't afraid of being judged in small groups then study the factors which allow you to feel safe in small groups. Possibly you can generalize your findings to large group venues.If you try the and aren't successful, then likely you simply aren't naturally someone who cares for large group settings.Not everything a person doesn't like is a symptom of something is wrong w the person! | 0 | 128 |
194 | How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax? | I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-talk-to-my-psychologist-about-upping-my-dose-of-xanax | anxiety | Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc | It seems like what you are looking for is a way to advocate for yourself and that's so important in mental health! You know best what is working for you and what isn't, so you are the best person to speak out for yourself to the people that can help you. I have extensive training in substance abuse and medications used in therapy, and I work with many people that take Xanax. Counselors may not prescribe, but with the right training we can educate and help you move through the complexities of medication usage when paired with therapy. There's definitely some debate about using medication in the counseling world, but many people are prescribed Xanax to cope with big emotional responses. We don't know much about your situation here--if you are in counseling, what types of other coping skills you've tried to use, etc., so it'd be hard to suggest not taking anything for your symptoms. You are obviously struggling and sometimes stabilization is the best you can do. And the fact that you are considering dealing with the attacks as an option is a sign you are willing to negotiate your dosage and maybe even the intense fear you are experiencing. That's seriously so courageous.A little bit about Xanax--Xanax is a drug in the Benzodiazepine family and is fast-acting. That means it does only help short-term, but your body also builds a tolerance to it pretty quickly (just as people build tolerance to alcohol). That could be why they aren't as effective for you at the dosage you are taking, especially if you are prescribed to take them twice a day. It's really important that you discuss the symptoms you are still having with your prescribing provider, as well as when you are taking the medications so they understand the details of your situation and can determine if or how to modify your dosage. These providers know a lot about the medication process and the more info they have, the better they can meet your needs. They are ultimately the ones that will work with you to decide whether or not Xanax is the best for you and your situation.I definitely understand your concern that your provider may basically take away how you cope with panic attacks. That's a scary thought! Prescribing providers are typically trained in detecting medication abuse, and it is very common for people with anxiety issues to request higher dosages. I have had plenty of clients ask for increased dosage. Not only can this get you the assistance you need at the time you need it, but give you a voice in your treatment. You may end up using that same voice for request to lower your dosage in the future.I do feel an ethical duty to let you know about some of the dangers of Xanax. Benzodiazepines are depressants and work on the central nervous system (CNS) to do things like slow down your heart rate, breathing, etc. (as you can feel when they do work). They should never be taken with any other depressants, such as alcohol, barbiturates, and other medications in the Benzo family. Combinations like these could be fatal.Another danger is that there's a common pattern of relapse after discontinuing Xanax. This means that symptoms tend to come back stronger than they were before taking the drug. The reason for this is because when you are taking Xanax, your brain tries to intensify your fear reaction to override the drug. So when you discontinue it, your fear reactions are still at those heightened levels. Your prescribing provider can talk to you more about that and/or the process of tapering off the medication to make that less likely when that time comes for you.If you are in counseling and doing exposure activities, (being exposed to things you fear and sitting through the anxiety response) Xanax does interfere with this process. The brain can't learn a different response if you feel calm. This is something your counselor (if you have one) can discuss with you as well.The last thing I'd like to say is that there could be some value to practicing other ways to manage your anxiety if you want to make more long-term changes. That decision is completely yours! If/when you feel ready to do that, a counselor can help you learn how to move through anxiety without being as reliant on Xanax. I hope this is helpful and you find what you need! | 0 | 66 |
194 | How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax? | I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-talk-to-my-psychologist-about-upping-my-dose-of-xanax | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Do you think you're abusing xanax?It is a highly addictive drug so maybe one reason you feel compelled to take more is bc you already are addicted.Drugs don't do anything helpful in solving life's problems. Once the effect wears off, the stressful situation is once again waiting for you to address it.Think over your reason for not directly asking your psychologist about upping your dose.Also, do you ever talk about your life problems with this psychologist or only your need for drugs? The more gradual path to a better life is to not need drugs in the first place. This consists of your willingness to face the matters that are creating such terrible feelings inside you. | 0 | 40 |
194 | How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax? | I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-talk-to-my-psychologist-about-upping-my-dose-of-xanax | anxiety | Catherine Misita | https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-misita | Staying on the lower dose may give you more room to learn strategies for coping with your anxiety. Medications are so helpful, and needed at times, but it's also important to have a variety of tools you use to manage your responses to stress. If you are not already seeing a therapist, consider finding one who can help you learn some effective strategies, like replacing self-defeating thoughts with ones that work better for you, or mindfulness, relaxation, or other tools to keep your anxiety in the manageable range! | 0 | 48 |
194 | How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax? | I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-talk-to-my-psychologist-about-upping-my-dose-of-xanax | anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch | In general, Xanax is very short-acting. You mentioned that you are afraid that your medical provider will take you off of the Xanax and put you on something else. If the Xanax is not working well for you, I wonder if something else may work better. What is your reasoning there? Also, sometimes there are medications that you can take in addition to Xanax.In addition to talking with your medical provider about changing the medication, try to track your levels of anxiety on a scale of 1 to 10 throughout the day so you can get a pattern of what is happening. Also consider writing down what is happening before you have anxiety attacks. This may help your medical provider know what medication may be helpful to you or what changes could be made.As far as how to discuss this with your medical provider, I would suggest mentioning the symptom changes you are having (anxiety attacks that are not helped with 0.5mg of Xanax) and ask what they would suggest that might help. If your medical provider suggests taking you off of the Xanax, I would recommend talking about the reasons why you would prefer to stay on the Xanax and what your concerns are about coming off of it. You could also ask whether anything could be combined with Xanax.There are also many other anxiety medications. I have seen lots of people that take more than one medication to lessen anxiety that they are having.I would also consider talking with a therapist (unless the person who is prescribing a medication is also doing therapy with you). Getting more information about your anxiety and how it is affecting you may be greatly helpful to you. | 0 | 48 |
194 | How can I talk to my psychologist about upping my dose of Xanax? | I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-talk-to-my-psychologist-about-upping-my-dose-of-xanax | anxiety | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | Hello, and thank you for your question. While counselors work closely with medical providers, and sometimes have discussions about medications with people, we rarely make recommendations about how much or what type of medication a person should be taking. This is because prescribing and advising on medication is out of our scope of practice. The only exception would be if a counselor is also a physician, nurse practitioner, physician's assistant, etc. Having said that, I certainly understand that anxiety is a real serious problem that many folks struggle with. If you are currently not in therapy to help you with these panic attacks, you should consider it. Medications can be helpful for anxiety, and medications like Xanax may help for immediate relief, but they do nothing to deal with the root of anxiety and may not help with anxiety long-term. Therapists who have experience in exposure therapies would be good people to start with. Exposure therapy has good outcomes for people with anxiety disorders and panic attacks. If you are interested in speaking with your provider about the Xanax, I think explaining it the way you did on here is just fine. The provider will then decide if they feel comfortable increasing your medication. Please remember that medical providers are not trying to give people a hard time. Medications like Xanax really are highly addictive. The more you take, the more you may feel you need. The more often you may feel you need to use it. Depending on the frequency and amount of use, some people suffer serious withdrawal symptoms when they do not take the medication. It is a good idea to talk to medical provider about all of those things so that you can partner on right course of action to manage this anxiety. I certainly hope that you get some relief.... I know anxiety is awful.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC | 0 | 52 |
195 | How is it that I fear going to sleep? | I just about fall asleep then I can't help but sit up and walk around. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-is-it-that-i-fear-going-to-sleep | anxiety | Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc | This is very common! Sleep is when we are most vulnerable and it requires our bodies to let go of control and lose awareness of a lot of our environment. Has anything bad ever happened to you at night or when you were sleeping? This could be something to consider. Your body may be feeling a need to protect you by not letting you relax and instead keeping you awake and aware to anything around you.Could you be worrying about what is happening the following day? It's also normal to have pressures of the next day rolling through our minds before our bodies commit to sleep. If you pay attention to what you are thinking about before bed, that could tell you a lot about what you worry about in your life.Not everyone is into meditation or mindfulness, but these methods can help send the message to your brain that you are safe. There are some pretty neat apps like Calm and Headspace, or mindfulness videos on youtube that have a variety of tools to fit what you may need. It may take a while for these to really start to show results, so keep at it if you have the chance.Journaling can also be a great way to release some of the stress from the day and silence the mind a bit. Consulting with a doctor may also be a plus if your sleep continues to be impacted. Not having proper sleep can lead to more anxiety and reduce the body's capabilities to regulate emotion, leading to worsened sleep. Sometimes having a buffer there can help get your sleep on a better track while you work on the anxiety. Hope you find some of this helpful! | 0 | 89 |
195 | How is it that I fear going to sleep? | I just about fall asleep then I can't help but sit up and walk around. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-is-it-that-i-fear-going-to-sleep | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Maybe you are afraid to let go of your problems for a few hours.Although you didn't write this, usually what keeps people awake or prevents them from falling asleep are worries about certain situations in their lives.If this describes you then. maybe talk with yourself to convince you that you are entitled to a good night's sleep.Really we all are and feeling rested from the day and life's tensions will better you to handle whatever the particular matters are.Also, maybe you will be more enthusiastic to go to bed if you have a comfy mattress and nice pillows! Make your bed an inviting place because this will tempt you to enjoy relaxing enough to go to sleep! | 0 | 896 |
196 | How do I handle my extreme paranoia? | I'm just an extremely paranoid person. I constantly feel as though I am in some sort of danger, like as though I live in a horror movie with no resolution. It worsens at night. It gets to the point I'm scared in my own home more so than anything. I have no access to the help I need so I'm desperate. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-my-extreme-paranoia | anxiety | Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc | That really sucks and I'm sorry that's happening to you.I'm curious what kind of paranoia you are experiencing--like someone will hurt you? That something bad in general will happen? Sometimes intrusive thoughts, like paranoid thoughts, are just thoughts. They don't mean you are actually in danger or that something bad will happen, so pay attention to the meaning you apply to those thoughts. If you've been through something traumatic such as rape, domestic violence, or any situation like that, it could provoke paranoia bigtime. Your brain feels as if it has to be "hypervigilant", meaning it has to be extra attuned to everything around you to keep you safe. That's exhausting. If it's worse at night that probably means you aren't getting much sleep--also exhausting and contributes to heightened paranoia, so it becomes a pretty vicious cycle.It's not shocking that it's worse at night because night is generally a scarier time and sleeping is, physically, when we are in our most vulnerable state. It can help to take a look at how much of that paranoia is actually helping you to protect yourself vs. how much is additional stress. A way to figure that out is to ask the question, what behaviors are necessary to keep you safe? So if you lock your doors, lock the windows, shut the curtains, have an escape plan (if needed--I'm not sure what your situation is), is that the most you can do? Beyond that, are you performing other behaviors that may not be keeping you safe but exist to cope with the paranoia? For example, if you are checking over and over to make sure the doors and windows are locked, those behaviors are more like compulsions/rituals that help you feel safe by reducing anxiety even though they use a ton of energy to perform. Response prevention can be helpful here--this method involves avoiding your usual response so that you can sit with the anxiety rather than escaping it through the behaviors. Let's say your anxiety rises and you feel the need to check the door lock. You check the lock, it's for sure locked, and your anxiety is reduced. At the same time, the behavior of checking the lock is reinforced by feeling better, so your brain decides if you want to feel better, you need to check the lock. It becomes an exhausting habit that only temporarily makes you feel safe. However, if you feel a bout of anxiety and sit through it without checking the lock, your anxiety will go back down and your brain learns that you don't need to perform that behavior over and over. I'm so sad to hear you don't have access to help. There may be some counselors right now offering reduced-rate or probono (free) sessions via telehealth due to COVID-19, so if you search around on google for your specific state, you may find someone that can help you from your home. Counselors usually reserve space on their schedules for people that cannot afford therapy or need a lesser rate.You are always welcome to come back to this forum and ask additional questions! | 0 | 17 |
196 | How do I handle my extreme paranoia? | I'm just an extremely paranoid person. I constantly feel as though I am in some sort of danger, like as though I live in a horror movie with no resolution. It worsens at night. It gets to the point I'm scared in my own home more so than anything. I have no access to the help I need so I'm desperate. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-my-extreme-paranoia | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | One approach is to be more accepting of yourself as someone who has fears.It is much easier to manage a problem when you're not fighting yourself for having a problem.Once you are willing to accept this quality within yourself you may start to feel a little more relaxed about handling the fears when they arise.One answer is to examine the facts about the fears. Ask yourself fact based questions as to how you would handle the worse case scenario of your fears.Feeling prepared, whether or not the circumstance is highly unlikely to happen, may increase your peace of mind with living the great fears within your mind. | 0 | 62 |
197 | Why am I scared to touch a girl? | I don't know if I'm normal. I'm really scared to touch a girl. I'm a young adult and a virgin. My fiancée and I want to have sex soon, and this might mess everything up because she wants a baby soon as well. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-scared-to-touch-a-girl | anxiety | Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc | Only going off of the information in your question, it seems like you maybe have some performance anxiety and fear disappointing your fiance. Fear can be tricky in the sense that it quite often masquerades as something that seems under our control. For example, your fear of touching a girl may actually be a fear of being incompetently intimate or a bad fiance--It's easier to deal with those fears by avoiding touch because that gives you control and how else would you deal with those fears? I wonder if your fiance can be of any help to you. It's scary to admit fears to people close to us but they can also offer some of the best support if that's been something you've experienced with her in the past.It sounds like you are really hard on yourself as well. It's normal to have anxiety about your first time having sex---that's a really special milestone! Maybe it's worth looking into performance anxiety tips? That can help you feel more prepared without removing the spontaneity of intimacy.If it feels like nothing is working for you, you could see a counselor or sex therapist to explore more of that fear. It's nothing to be ashamed about because it does happen to both men and women! | 0 | 101 |
197 | Why am I scared to touch a girl? | I don't know if I'm normal. I'm really scared to touch a girl. I'm a young adult and a virgin. My fiancée and I want to have sex soon, and this might mess everything up because she wants a baby soon as well. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-scared-to-touch-a-girl | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Your question is a good one!The best way to decrease the fear would be to talk with your fiancee about it. Eventually she'll find out, and better to talk about it when there is less pressure than to be in the midst of a situation which frightens you.Also, she may feel similar to you, who knows?Discussing a topic which relates directly to your relationship is a good way to increase emotional intimacy. And emotional intimacy has a lot to do with feeling at ease with physical intimacy. | 0 | 187 |
198 | How can I be less stressed out? | I shake and have panic attacks. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-stressed-out | anxiety | Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc | So glad you are reaching out. Panic attacks are very frightening.For some reason (and I promise there is one) your brain is sending off false alarms even though you are probably safe. This is called the fight or flight response and part of the body's way of fighting off perceived threats (including those that are not genuinely dangerous).Some reasons people have panic attacks is if they are under too much emotional or physical stress, any type of exhaustion or lack of sleep, history of trauma, unprocessed emotions, etc. You don't have to know why you are having panic attacks to work with them, but it can help to understand its origins and target them at the source.Something to know is that the presence of anxiety does not mean you are in any danger, no matter how much your body is elevated. Anxiety is just our body's way of letting us know something is off, though it often exaggerates the response because it doesn't always operate from a place of logic. Triggers could be as small as a word, smell, time of day, or really anything. Triggers can also be physical sensations inside our bodies. Though panic attacks are very scary and feel incredibly uncomfortable, they will not kill you.What message might your body be sending you via panic attacks? Is there any area of your life you could step away from at all to give yourself some relief? If you pay attention to when panic attacks happen, that could clue you into what is setting off that false alarm.Some apps that are really great for relaxation and use breathing techniques are Calm, Headspace, PanicShield, etc. Try some out and see which ones really fit for your needs. Breathing is a great tool because you always have it right there with you and it's something you can control when it feels like your body is out of control. | 0 | 95 |
198 | How can I be less stressed out? | I shake and have panic attacks. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-stressed-out | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | One way to understand panic attacks is as a sign of feeling insecure or lacking confidence in a certain area or characteristic of yourself.The insecurity can sometimes feel overwhelming and this starts the sense of panic. One way to build your sense of security within yourself is to have a simple life and a slow paced life. When there are many activities or involvements to pay attention, then it is easy to not give full attention to all of them. This may trigger a sense of insecurity since in fact you may not have had sufficient time to study and know your own opinion about all of what your life is immersed in.A simpler life of fewer activities allows more time to know and understand your own inner feelings and reactions.To know more about yourself may help build your confidence and security in your ability to know and live what goes on in your life! | 0 | 630 |
198 | How can I be less stressed out? | I shake and have panic attacks. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-stressed-out | anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch | One of the first things I would suggest is to see if you can keep track of what is leading you to feel anxious. If you shake all the time, consider talking with your primary care physician. Sometimes that can be a hormonal imbalance or another chemical imbalance (such as thyroid).One of the most difficult things about anxiety is that having anxiety (particularly panic attacks) can lead to anxiety about having more panic attacks. Also remember that panic attacks are typically part of your brain's protective response to what it considers to be some sort of threat. You may have heard of the fight or flight response. When you have an anxiety attack, your body is preparing you to react to something that isn't actually a threat, so it's almost as if you're fight or flight response is overactive. Here is an image that may be helpful: http://psychology.tools/fight-or-flight-response.htmlThere are many different things you can do. You can practice breathing, mindfulness, meditation, or yoga techniques. If you decide to try some breathing techniques, try breathing in for a count of five, holding for a count of five, breathing out for a count of five, and repeating five times.Also remember that it is easier to learn these techniques when you're not having a panic attack. At that point, it can be really difficult to use methods to not panic. Also remember that panic attacks typically last 5 to 10 minutes. Using techniques to slow your breathing or become focused on the room around you is probably most helpful when you first start to feel anxious.Here are some other techniques that may help to decrease anxiety: http://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-to-reduce-anxiety-right-here-right-now/As you figure out what is leading up to your anxiety, also consider asking yourself what is making that certain issue a big concern for you. Another important question could be when you have felt that way before. | 0 | 117 |
199 | How do I overcome my fear of eating in public? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-overcome-my-fear-of-eating-in-public | anxiety | Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc | It's so brave of you to want to confront your fear! If you want to work with that fear, it might be helpful to try it at home first with someone you trust. Because the nation is basically in lock down right now, it could be an opportunity to prepare this way. Notice what you may be thinking when eating in front of someone. You could even get a recording of a busy place and do some imaginal exposure--imagining an experience while sitting through the rise in anxiety.Once public places start opening back up, you can start small--maybe with gum or something that doesn't fill the mouth too much or create a loud noises. If you do this repeatedly, it will tell your brain that eating food in public is not dangerous to you and nothing bad happens. The more you practice doing this, the less scary it will become. If you avoid it, it will teach your brain that it's a situation to fear. It's not always possible to stick through it every time (just do the best you can at the moment) and keep trying.I don't know enough about your situation to comment on any other factors, but it's possible there are some social anxieties underpinning your fears. Pretty common to feel super insecure with food if you fear judgment of others or ruminate on being ridiculed.If you have someone in your life that can just be with you while you practice this in public, that may be a way to keep yourself accountable and get some good support along the way! | 0 | 82 |
199 | How do I overcome my fear of eating in public? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-overcome-my-fear-of-eating-in-public | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Are you able to eat any food in public?Start with what is easy.If you're able to eat your own selection of particular foods in public and see the results of whatever you are fearful may happen from eating in public, then gradually this becomes your motivation to add more categories of food.Also, notice whether you have different reactions depending on the setting in which you are eating a particular food.It is possible you'll see a pattern of your preferences for certain eating environments. Maybe you'll notice you like loud restaurants and maybe you'll notice you don't like loud restaurants.The more you satisfy your particular needs for your own comfort in eating in a public place, the more likely you'll have success in overcoming your fear! | 0 | 235 |
200 | When I'm around children I get this intense feeling of paranoia and fear | I'm a male in my early 20s. Lately, my paranoia about being around kids is causing me too breathe heavy and sweat a lot. I then start to act weird because I'm trying to fight my paranoia. This leads to people starring at me because they don't know that I'm suffering from panic attacks and paranoia. They just notice me acting scared around kids and they think I'm a threat because of it. I'm not a pervert or predator. I would never hurt a kid. I like kids and don't know why I'm so scared to be around them. I don't understand why I feel like this. Am I a bad person? How do I make this stop? | https://counselchat.com/questions/when-i-m-around-children-i-get-this-intense-feeling-of-paranoia-and-fear | anxiety | Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc | Your very concern about your response to being around children shows that you aren't a bad person--it actually speaks to that you care. Panic attacks are really scary and not easy to deal with. I wonder what you mean by paranoia--does this mean you are worried about your body's response when you are around kids? Do you worry about their behavior? Or does paranoia for you mean that you are worried about other people's judgments of you because of panicking? If what you are saying is that you are trying to fight off the anxious feelings you have, it could intensify your symptoms because emotions want to be acknowledged. One way to help manage through that is via deep breathing. You can check out some videos on youtube that you vibe with and the nice thing about practicing this is it's very easy to do in public without people noticing.I'm also curious about more of the details of what your experience is like. Are there certain age ranges or behaviors that trigger your anxiety? Figuring out the specifics of what sparks that response in your body will give you some basic insight into why you are feeling that way and what types of situations to prepare yourself for. You can do this by paying attention to what happened right before you started feeling anxious.If you are looking for more personalized ways of working through your anxiety, a counselor can help personalize treatment for you. There are a lot of telehealth counselors available right now at lower rates due to the COVID issue as well.Overall message here is there's so much you can do and your anxiety means nothing bad about you! | 0 | 131 |
200 | When I'm around children I get this intense feeling of paranoia and fear | I'm a male in my early 20s. Lately, my paranoia about being around kids is causing me too breathe heavy and sweat a lot. I then start to act weird because I'm trying to fight my paranoia. This leads to people starring at me because they don't know that I'm suffering from panic attacks and paranoia. They just notice me acting scared around kids and they think I'm a threat because of it. I'm not a pervert or predator. I would never hurt a kid. I like kids and don't know why I'm so scared to be around them. I don't understand why I feel like this. Am I a bad person? How do I make this stop? | https://counselchat.com/questions/when-i-m-around-children-i-get-this-intense-feeling-of-paranoia-and-fear | anxiety | Martin Hsia, Psy.D.OCD, Anxiety, and Insomnia Specialist | https://counselchat.com/therapists/martin-hsia-psy-d | In our practice, many people we see have unwanted thoughts of doing harm to children - physically or sexually. As you said, these are intrusive and unwanted thoughts - not genuine desires to harm them. This is a form of OCD we often call Harm or Pedophilic OCD. What you are describing here as "paranoia" sounds similar to this, and is so demoralizing because you are dealing both with the distress of these unwanted thoughts and feelings, as well as the fear and uncertainty about your own character as a good person.If this is really what is going on (further assessment by the right professional would determine this), the current gold standard approach to addressing OCD is Exposure with Response Prevention - in this case, confronting the feared situations, thoughts or images on purpose, rather than avoiding them, until they lose the fear and shame associated with them. | 0 | 169 |
200 | When I'm around children I get this intense feeling of paranoia and fear | I'm a male in my early 20s. Lately, my paranoia about being around kids is causing me too breathe heavy and sweat a lot. I then start to act weird because I'm trying to fight my paranoia. This leads to people starring at me because they don't know that I'm suffering from panic attacks and paranoia. They just notice me acting scared around kids and they think I'm a threat because of it. I'm not a pervert or predator. I would never hurt a kid. I like kids and don't know why I'm so scared to be around them. I don't understand why I feel like this. Am I a bad person? How do I make this stop? | https://counselchat.com/questions/when-i-m-around-children-i-get-this-intense-feeling-of-paranoia-and-fear | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Your question is written in a very sincere tone. This, together with the fact of searching for self-understanding, sound more like someone who is unsure and puzzled, not someone who is "bad".What was your own childhood like?The sensations you describe feeling sometimes occur in people who are reminded of very deep hurts from during their own childhood.Is it possible what you're feeling is from being reminded of great distress you lived through when you were at a similar age as the kids around whom you feel this sudden and great paranoia and fear? | 0 | 139 |
201 | Why do I find pleasure in thinking about killing? | I am a peaceful person, but I often find myself having thoughts about killing people. Eventhough I like the thoughts at the time, they make me cry. Why do I feel like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-find-pleasure-in-thinking-about-killing | anxiety | Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc | Let me point a couple things out to you. These thoughts obviously go against your core values, otherwise they wouldn't upset you! Having thoughts about killing people bugs you, and that's a GOOD sign. You are also concerned enough to reach out on this chat forum. That tells me you have put some time into worrying about these thoughts and what they mean.There's absolutely nothing wrong with a thought. We all have extreme thoughts in life because our brains are built to wander. Unless you are acting on these thoughts, they are not dangerous. It's important to note that having a thought doesn't mean you are that thought. It's pretty easy to assume that our thoughts are who we are, but that couldn't be less true. If we were our thoughts, we'd be so many different things at once it'd be unimaginable!Something I wonder is if these thoughts feel intrusive to you. Even if you enjoy them, do they seem to show up without invitation? When a thought is intrusive in nature, it can often make someone feel as if it is uncontrollable and holds more weight than less intrusive thoughts. It is also interesting that you mention finding pleasure in thinking about killing in the sense that it's definitely giving you some psychological relief in the moment. From that, I have two thoughts: 1) could it mean you are trying to cope with something socially upsetting to you via these types of thoughts? and 2) I'm wondering if there is any repressed anger in your life. You mention being a peaceful person. Are you usually the peacemaker in your social world? Do you feel as if people take advantage of you or that you don't have a voice? Those situations can breed anger and resentment. If you don't allow yourself to feel or express anger, the brain will find a way to do it for you and it's not weird or strange that it would want to send out thoughts that clearly get your attention!Another thing you could try is tracking when the thoughts come up. Keeping a log can help shed light on what may be triggering them and what their purpose may seem to be.Wishing you all the best! | 0 | 74 |
201 | Why do I find pleasure in thinking about killing? | I am a peaceful person, but I often find myself having thoughts about killing people. Eventhough I like the thoughts at the time, they make me cry. Why do I feel like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-find-pleasure-in-thinking-about-killing | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Maybe because you have great emotional pain stored inside you of which you are not aware exists.Sometimes people who feel greatly hurt by others or who feel unloved by others, imagine if they do the opposite of love, which is to kill, that they will get the recognition and acknowledgement from others which they wish would come to them in a loving way.This is my theory, it is not necessarily a definitive description of your inner dynamic.Most important is to keep an open mind to self-discovery on your feelings, including the ones which are uneasy, such as killing, to consider. | 0 | 116 |
201 | Why do I find pleasure in thinking about killing? | I am a peaceful person, but I often find myself having thoughts about killing people. Eventhough I like the thoughts at the time, they make me cry. Why do I feel like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-find-pleasure-in-thinking-about-killing | anxiety | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | Hello, and thank you for your question. Clearly this is something that has you very concerned. Sometimes thoughts are just thoughts, and they are pretty harmless. Many people have thoughts of killing someone, but they would never actually do it. They really don't even want to do it, they are just having a thought. Other times, thoughts are a sign of something more serious, and we should receive help when they start to worry us. I would recommend meeting with a counselor to discuss these thoughts. It is usually a safe environment where you can get advice with little judgement. Now, If you begin to start thinking about killing someone specific and making a plan to do it in reality- you should call for help immediately. By help, I mean 9-11, or a family member or friend. You would want to get help before doing something to harm yourself and others. Again, none of this is to judge, but rather to encourage you to get the help you're seeking. Either way, when we become concerned about some aspect of our behavior, seeking counseling is usually a good choice. Be well, Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | 0 | 105 |
202 | I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses | I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past. Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-want-to-keep-going-back-and-forth-between-my-parents-houses | anxiety | Earl LewisRelationship Expert | https://counselchat.com/therapists/earl-lewis | Sounds like a lot is going on right now at such a young age. I'd start with discussing with mom your concerns and ideal situation. I'm unsure what prevents you from staying there, but whoever you are staying with, it should be brought to their attention. In regards to your anxiety attacks, deep breathing is always a benefits. I have a link you can use to help to do this online if you are interested. In addition, finding ways you usually cope with anxiety and what's worked before can help and if it isn't, exploring new way to calm you down can be beneficial. This is something you can speak with your therapist about going forward when they are available.In regards to feeling suicidal: I would call suicide prevention hotline (You can google them) if you truly feel the ideation is getting worse. They are professional agents who can speak with you about your ideation and help you through the process. Hope this helps. | 1 | 199 |
202 | I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses | I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past. Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-want-to-keep-going-back-and-forth-between-my-parents-houses | anxiety | Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kaileen-mcmickle-ms-lpc | That's a really tough situation and it can feel like you have no control as a teen. Have you checked your state's laws? In some states, you can choose which parent you live with as long as you are above a certain age. How comfortable do you feel about talking to your mom about staying there? Maybe there's a way she can help advocate for you? Or support you in the ways you need?Try to remember that although it may feel like this is your life forever, you only have less than a year until you can make those kinds of decisions for yourself. When your therapist becomes available again, it may help to come up with a plan to make it through the time you do have left. That can include things that help calm you, things that help you survive your dad's house if you have to go, friends you may be comfortable confiding in, etc. If you are feeling like you need more emotional support, you can text HOPE to 741741 (the Hopeline)--they are a great resource that doesn't require too much privacy if you are around other people. | 0 | 77 |
202 | I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses | I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past. Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-want-to-keep-going-back-and-forth-between-my-parents-houses | anxiety | Joel DaughertyFaith-based Counselor in Lake Charles, LA | https://counselchat.com/therapists/joel-daugherty | At age 17, I think you are old enough to decide which parent you want to stay with full-time. I would gently and lovingly tell your father that you've decided to stay with your mother. You can offer to visit him regularly, if you'd like. Parents often have a hard time letting go and, especially in divorce situations, your dad might feel as though he's "lost the battle" if you go live with your mom. He might also feel he's lost you. If your dad is unrelenting and the situation unbearable, you can ask a judge to modify the custody agreement. | 0 | 109 |
202 | I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses | I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past. Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-want-to-keep-going-back-and-forth-between-my-parents-houses | anxiety | Frank WalkerI help couples manage the bumpy road called marriage. Whether your marriage needs a tune up, a major overhaul or just a flat tire changed. I can help. | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-walker | OK first things first. We have to think of your safety and take care of those thoughts of hurting yourself.Yes, this is a major problem for you and can cause anxiety and depression. You have the right to be sick and tired. Kids often are pawns in this marital problems that their parents have. I'm sorry that this is happening to you.I am not sure of your rights in the state you live in but as far as I know you as a 17 year old you have the right to stay where you want. So your'e going through an anxiety episode and your therapist is not available. If I'm the therapist we would have already set up a plan so that if you are in this situation you would know what to do. In the worst case scenario you would be able to contact me.But I would have given you several exercises to help reduce your anxiety.Staying with your mom should be your choice. I know you probably don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but there are ways to ease the tension. Maybe with your permission and their agreement, we all could meet together for a session or two to ease your tensions and get over and through this hassle. | 0 | 145 |
202 | I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses | I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past. Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-want-to-keep-going-back-and-forth-between-my-parents-houses | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Have you told either of your parents that the current house rotation of where you stay, bothers you?Since each parent has an interest to be together with you, I imagine that to some degree, each cares how you feel.If these conversations are not getting your problem solved, then maybe your therapist can have a family session with your parents together and depending on the outcome, with you and each parent. | 0 | 190 |
202 | I don't want to keep going back and forth between my parents' houses | I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past. Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-don-t-want-to-keep-going-back-and-forth-between-my-parents-houses | anxiety | Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist | https://counselchat.com/therapists/kristi-king-morgan-lmsw | I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Divorce can be so disruptive in a child's life.I'd really need a lot more information about your situation before I'd feel comfortable offering any advice or suggestions. There are so many variables, and not knowing the whole story, any advice could possibly make your situation worse.I do see some positives, though. One, you say you have a therapist. That's great! I hope you're able to talk to them about this soon. Still, they can't give you legal advice, and a lot of this situation may be dictated by the law. What your therapist can help with, though, is dealing with whatever situation you have to follow by law. If you can't change the situation, you at least need to learn how to cope with it better. Two, you're 17. When you're 18, you're legally an adult and will not be bound by any custody rules or visitation plans in place. Honestly, teenagers usually have a lot of say with the courts in custody arrangements. Since you didn't specify more on the situation, I have no idea what your specific situation is. Were your parents ever married? Are they separated or divorced? Was there ever a court hearing for custody? Not all couples have an official court order arrangement. All families are different, too. Was there abuse between your parents? Towards you by one of them? Does either of them have addiction issues, major health or mental health issues, or anything like that? You mentioned that you want to live with your mom, but didn't say why. Are you afraid to tell your dad you want to stay with your mom? Is mom the lenient and fun parent while dad is the more strict one, or is there something else going on? This isn't a decision that should be placed entirely on you, and it also isn't a decision that anyone else needs to make on your behalf without your input. But advice on what to do needs to come from the people who know more about your situation so they can help recommend the best thing for you. Whatever you do, hang in there! 18 will be here before you know it. Focus on that. Freedom. College. Plan for your future that YOU control, and focus on making it the best it can be. Do not let the anxiety and depression cloud your thoughts and make you do something irreversible. | 0 | 232 |
203 | How do I shake self-doubt about sex? | I get very nervous and anxious/scared before sex. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-shake-self-doubt-about-sex | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Tell your partner about this so that ideally the person has a chance to be supportive and reassuring, as well as listen to your specific worries and fears.Initiate this type of discussion at a time which is removed from the time you’re about to have sex.This way you and your partner both have a chance to realize the two of you are having a discussion, not a prelude to sex.If you meant in your question that you feel anxious about having sex w a random partner, then maybe you are less interested in hookup sex than you imagined. | 0 | 80 |
203 | How do I shake self-doubt about sex? | I get very nervous and anxious/scared before sex. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-shake-self-doubt-about-sex | anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch | I first wonder what your anxiety or fear connects to. I don't know whether it is about sex itself or about ideas of worthiness or feeling desirable.There is also a difference between having self-doubt about the actual physicality of having sex (performance-related) or having doubts about whether you want to have sex with a particular person.Having sex can lead to feelings of great vulnerability. If your partner is someone you trust, consider discussing what it is that comes up for you around the issue of sex. This is the certain things that your partner would be willing to do that and the ease your discomfort, like staying with you for some time before and after sexual interactions.Another idea to consider is spending time with your partner and using nonsexual touch for each other (perhaps first you to him and then him to you) and communicating very clearly about what you like and do not like. Some people like to be spoken to during physical touch and other people do not. All of this can be part of your discussions. When you feel comfortable with that, you could move into sexual touch in this manner and actually look at what you do and do not like. You may also consider discussing things that are totally off-limits for you all the time and things for which you would like warning or awareness before they happen. There are really a number of different ways to work on becoming more comfortable if you trust your partner and if your concern is about sex itself.If this feels pretty structured, it is initially. Generally, the idea is to learn more about each other and yourselves and then the process becomes much more natural.If the concern relates more to self-esteem related sex, consider asking your partner to list several things that he or she likes about you. Even if you don't necessarily see yourself in the same light, consider that this is how your partner sees you, so these are some of the things that make you attractive to them (perhaps both in sexual ways and in a wider discussion of the relationship).If this is difficult for you to sort out on your own, consider seeing a therapist with experience working with couples or relationships. | 0 | 103 |
204 | How can I atone for being cowardly? | I panicked over a minor parking lot mistake. It was totally my fault, but due to another insurance issue, I left a note with an illegible phone number. Guilty over this, I got an envelope containing several hundred dollars. Unfortunately, by the time I returned, the other driver had seen my ersatz note and drove away. Since I cannot make this up to that individual, how do I atone for my cowardly act? I have been trying to do random acts of kindness in hopes that karma will somehow even out. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-atone-for-being-cowardly | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | From your writing, you have already atoned for what you describe as "cowardly".Recognizing your action and trying to directly correct it, realizing your action was improper and demonstrating the willingness to take right action, are all examples of making things right.Since the actual driver is unavailable to consult as to their wishes on what they expect and feel would correct the matter, you did the next best thing and considered the situation from the driver point of view. | 0 | 79 |
204 | How can I atone for being cowardly? | I panicked over a minor parking lot mistake. It was totally my fault, but due to another insurance issue, I left a note with an illegible phone number. Guilty over this, I got an envelope containing several hundred dollars. Unfortunately, by the time I returned, the other driver had seen my ersatz note and drove away. Since I cannot make this up to that individual, how do I atone for my cowardly act? I have been trying to do random acts of kindness in hopes that karma will somehow even out. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-atone-for-being-cowardly | anxiety | Frank TheusMA, LPC, NCC, CSAT | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | Thanks for sharing as it shows your humanity and that you have a sensitive conscience. In your example here I'd encourage you to always think, "safety first"; and never offer a stranger at the accident scene "...several hundred dollars". Why? Because it could go badly against you (i.e. extortion, robbed, or would this be considered a bribe). To the point, I'm reminded of Steps Eight and Nine in many 12-step programs regarding making amends. In your specific example since the injured unidentified party departed, and by your own admission you've been doing random acts of kindness, it seems to me you've acted in reasonable good faith fashion to make amends. Well done. I'm not a karma expert but as a therapist I would invite you to explore the deeper story behind your use of the words "cowardly", "guilty", and what it does for you to engage in "random acts of kindness". What a fascinating journey this could be for you. Best wishes. | 0 | 79 |
205 | Is there anything I can do to make my anxiety go away? | I'm a teenager, and while I’ve never been to any kind of therapist, I noticed I experience several anxiety symptoms. I frequently find myself not going out and following my parent around the house. I can't go into stores (grocery stores specifically) on my own, and when I do, I have to be on the phone with my dad the whole time. I also forget things a lot. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-anything-i-can-do-to-make-my-anxiety-go-away | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Despite your anxiety you are highly attuned to your sense of well being and skillful in articulating the details of when anxiety takes over.Sometimes people who anxious in specific realtime situations are helped by talking themselves through the anxiety.Maybe you'd be able to distract yourself from the grocery store anxiety by telling yourself you're anxious and that you'll be ok, its only a grocery store.The longer term way to dissolve anxiety is through self-acceptance, self-love, self-belief, basically all the areas of trusting yourself to handle situations.Anxiety is a fear of being overwhelmed by a circumstance or condition which ends badly for you.Often the person can very well handle the situation about which they're anxious. The problem is not trusting themselves enough to rely on their self knowledge. | 0 | 50 |
205 | Is there anything I can do to make my anxiety go away? | I'm a teenager, and while I’ve never been to any kind of therapist, I noticed I experience several anxiety symptoms. I frequently find myself not going out and following my parent around the house. I can't go into stores (grocery stores specifically) on my own, and when I do, I have to be on the phone with my dad the whole time. I also forget things a lot. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-anything-i-can-do-to-make-my-anxiety-go-away | anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch | With the way you described your anxiety, it sounds like you have different types of anxiety. I'm not sure whether you have anxiety of public places, large crowds, being alone (sometimes called separation anxiety), or some combination thereof.One thing that would be helpful would be to track your anxiety and see how anxious you are (on a scale of 1 to 10) in different situations. Also, if you know what leads up to your anxiety, it would be good to know this as well so you can look for patterns.As for forgetting things, you could be anxious because you are forgetting things or you could be forgetting things because you are anxious. When you are having anxiety, certain parts of your brain are overactive because you are in a kind of protective mode. It's also possible that forgetting things and anxiety are not related.Something else to try would be to notice where you feel your anxiety in your body and put your hand there is a way of giving yourself comfort.Another thing about anxiety is that having anxiety can lead to more worry about having more anxiety. One thing that helps for some people is to go to the regular primary care doctor to make sure that there are no physical problems (just for the regular physical) so they know that there are no physical problems and that the anxiety will lessen in a few minutes.Also, if you are able to notice your feet on the floor or your hips in the chair, this is helping you to be mindful of your body and connecting you to your surroundings. During this in combination with naming your emotions can be soothing as well. For example, in the grocery store, if you are feeling anxious, you could say to yourself "I'm anxious right now and I'm okay" while gently shifting your weight from one foot to the other. No one around you would notice what you were doing and the motion may be soothing to you.Anxiety can have a lot of different causes and things that trigger it. If it is difficult for you to work it out on your own (which is very common), consider talking with a local therapist so you can have more specific ideas.Also consider making a list of people who you trust and what it is about them that makes you feel comfortable. | 0 | 78 |
206 | I'm not sure if I have social anxiety disorder | I feel too scared to meet people I don't know - even relatives. I don't ever raise my hand or talk in school. I feel like no one understands. How can I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-not-sure-if-i-have-social-anxiety-disorder | anxiety | Amy Higgs OTR/L, CLT, CAPSMobile Occupational Therapist: sensory bus for children with ASD, SPD, ADD/ADHD and trauma | https://counselchat.com/therapists/amy-higgs-otr-l-clt-caps | Social Anxiety is scary. You don’t feel safe in relationships and prefer to isolate yourself from the outside world. Is it something you can talk to your parents about? A school counselor could help you. The counselor could possibly order an evaluation to determine how to help.Build your self confidence - Start slow with your family and identify a subject you are familiar with and add to a general conversation. It’s important to start finding things in common with others. You don’t need to carry the conversations, just add a phrase or two. Have an exit strategy if you get too uncomfortable. Keep notes of what worked and what didn’t work so you’ll be prepared for your next opportunity. Carpe Diem! | 0 | 88 |
206 | I'm not sure if I have social anxiety disorder | I feel too scared to meet people I don't know - even relatives. I don't ever raise my hand or talk in school. I feel like no one understands. How can I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-not-sure-if-i-have-social-anxiety-disorder | anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch | It certainly sounds like you have some anxiety. Before deciding whether it was social anxiety or a more general type of anxiety, I would wonder what it is that you think will result from you raising your hand or talking to someone you don't know. Here is some information on social anxiety: https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/what-is-social-anxietyI would recommend talking to a local mental health professional. It sounds like your anxiety is affecting your daily life and there are lots of strategies that may help to lessen that.Thanks for being brave to post here. | 0 | 314 |
206 | I'm not sure if I have social anxiety disorder | I feel too scared to meet people I don't know - even relatives. I don't ever raise my hand or talk in school. I feel like no one understands. How can I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-not-sure-if-i-have-social-anxiety-disorder | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Congratulations on your courage to ask this question!This shows you are willing to engage with other people, just not in all situations, especially the in person ones.Start by "meeting" yourself.Reflect as thoroughly as possible as to what you imagine will be the outcome of meeting others or of speaking up during a class.Some people are afraid of being criticized or judged by other people, or do this to themselves inwardly. If you are judging or criticizing yourself to be less worthy of having opinions or views or of being who you are, than others, then the thought of actually placing yourself in this situation, would feel intolerable.One way to move out from this position of feeling less than others, is to recognize that these feelings are inside of you.Then it is possible to know at least on an intellectual level that it is not true that any one person is superior to another.All the people whom you are afraid to meet, also have their own insecurities.We are all equal in worth and in having blindspots about ourselves.Also, it is possible that you are naturally shy and may be expecting more from yourself than is reasonable, in terms of a standard about meeting others.You may have a few fears of being judged unfairly, you may also simply not enjoy being around people very much.Be aware to not push yourself beyond your natural limits. Overcoming fears of being judged is different than forcing yourself to do what is against your basic nature. | 0 | 235 |
207 | Do I text, call, or make contact first, the same day of the morning I left his house? | I've known him for about six years. We've dated off and on. I hadn't seen him in close to three years but recently started seeing him again. I really want this to last this time. I stayed the night. Do I text, call, or make contact first, the same day of the morning I left his house? | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-text-call-or-make-contact-first-the-same-day-of-the-morning-i-left-his-house | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | It is possible your question reflects some insecurity about whether or not either or you would like this relationship to continue.Otherwise, the answer to your question would appear naturally. If you genuinely feel close enough to this person to sleep with him, then who texts whom first, wouldn't really matter too much.Try to understand within yourself whether you feel truly interested in this person as much as you would like to feel toward someone. | 1 | 535 |
207 | Do I text, call, or make contact first, the same day of the morning I left his house? | I've known him for about six years. We've dated off and on. I hadn't seen him in close to three years but recently started seeing him again. I really want this to last this time. I stayed the night. Do I text, call, or make contact first, the same day of the morning I left his house? | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-text-call-or-make-contact-first-the-same-day-of-the-morning-i-left-his-house | anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch | I don't see why you can't call, text, or make contact first. It would be up to him to reply when he can and wants to, but I don't know why you couldn't initiate contact.One thing to consider as you get to know each other better is having conversations about conversations. For example, you could say "I'd like to call or text you more often, but I'm concerned about _____ (listing what you are most worried about)." Then he can discuss his reaction and you can have a dialogue about it. | 0 | 89 |
208 | Why do I feel anxious and uncomfortable at parties or big social situations? | Example would be homecoming? I was at my high school's home football game on Friday, and I left because I felt uncomfortable with all the people there and I just wanted to be by myself. Why is that? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-anxious-and-uncomfortable-at-parties-or-big-social-situations | anxiety | Amelia Mora MarsHi, I'm Amelia. I help overwhelmed, stressed out teen girls and women find peace again. | https://counselchat.com/therapists/amelia-mora-mars | Hi! I'm Amelia. Oh, that is so frustrating! Have you ever heard of social anxiety? Sounds like you may be suffering from it. Here is a link to a quiz... https://www.psycom.net/social-anxiety-test/.Besides being a therapist, I am a Mom to 10 kids. A couple of my kids are very uncomfortable with crowds and become very anxious. Find yourself a therapist who can assess you and spend time with you to address these issues and to help you learn tools to help you navigate these emotions.I am wishing you the best! | 0 | 165 |
209 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | anxiety | Nicole StoneAnxiety, relationship crisis, and the separation/divorce experience. | https://counselchat.com/therapists/nicole-stone | It is possible that you could have or be developing an anxiety disorder. There isn't really enough information provided here to suggest a particular disorder, but it might be worth meeting with a counselor or therapist to do a formal assessment. Some of the questions they might ask could be what other kinds of physical symptoms you experience, how frequently these physical symptoms happen, what's going on for you when they tend to happen, and how frequently/intensely you find yourself worrying in general. Anxiety itself is a really natural thing - it's just when it starts interfering with your ability to "do life" the way you want that we start to consider potential disorders. It might be that for the most part, the anxiety you feel is normal and you simply have some triggers that intensify it more than usual. Working on your own or with the support of a counselor/therapist to both address those triggers at the root and also to develop ways of managing the actual anxiety symptoms. This two-fold approach can be really helpful for not letting anxiety keep you from engaging in life the way you'd like. | 2 | 442 |
209 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | anxiety | Sitka StueveTrauma, Anxiety & Depression Management Expert | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sitka-stueve | These types of symptoms can be very disruptive to life! Anxiety often presents in two key ways: 1) physical symptoms such as: racing heart rate, sweaty palms, dry mouth, shaking or trembling or nausea - often these physical sypmtoms are categorized as a Panic Attack. 2) mentally anxiety presents itself as worry. Worry that spirals out of control, worry that dirsupts your life and concentration. Worry that keeps from being present in your life. Anxiety when it begins to spiral out of control either with disruptive mental or physical symptoms, needs to be addressed formally. I urge you to see a counselor and/or a psychiatrist soon to begin to address these issues. Good Luck, Sitka Stueve, LSCSW | 1 | 113 |
209 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | anxiety | Elizabeth AndersonMFT Registered Intern | https://counselchat.com/therapists/elizabeth-anderson-3 | Feelings of anxiety can be scary and sometimes we're not aware of the triggers that lead up to moments of anxiety, i. e., heart racing, sweaty palms, sweating, shortness of breath. It's important to realize that in moments of anxiety our body & mind are experiencing a reaction from our primal or reptilian brain that is signaling the flight or fight response within us, which kicks the hypothalamus into action flooding our body with chemicals, like adrenaline or cortisol. So, one way to work with anxiety is to find out what the triggers are that lead to anxiety, such as fear, stress. negative thought patterns, not enough food or sleep. Keeping a daily journal can help you track the patterns and triggers and once you identify the triggers you can ameliorate them by learning new skills & techniques and by reducing stress and getting enough sleep. One quick way to reduce anxiety is by taking deeper breathes, sometimes this is called belly breathing. When you breath in make sure your belly rises and expands and as you breath out the belly deflates. Many of us do shallow breathing up in our chest which does not allow for a full breath, and getting a full breath is so important as a tool to help relax us in times of stress & anxiety . | 0 | 115 |
209 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | anxiety | Lorrie GuerraTransforming emotional pain in adults | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lorrie-guerra | I would suggest keeping a log of those days when you are having a hard time. Items to write would be what were you doing before you felt this way, did you eat and what, what time of day is it, how much sleep did you get that night, etc... This can help you identify any triggers. Further assessment can be made by a health care professional. It does sound like you are experiencing some symptoms of anxiety. | 0 | 76 |
209 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | anxiety | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-s-ncc | Yes, it seems like you may have a type of anxiety: but considering that it is intermittent, it may be a good idea to talk to a therapist and explore what triggers the anxiety. Different types of anxiety are caused by different scenarios, memories, or stressors. Once you identify what triggers the anxiety, you may be able to identify the coping mechanism that will help you handle your symptoms.¿Tengo algún tipo de ansiedad?A veces estoy bien, puedo salir a reunirme con personas, pero otros días, mi corazón se acelera y las palabras no salen de mi boca. Siempre pensé que era normal y que solo estaba nervioso, pero el otro día, me tomo casi 30 minutos encontrar el valor para salir del carro y entrar a Target.Si parece que tienes un tipo de ansiedad, y considerando que es intermitente, puede ser útil hablar con un consejero para explorar su causa. Hay diferentes tupos de ansiedad que son causados por diferentes estímulos, memorias y escenarios. Ya que logres identificar que causa tu ansiedad, entonces podrás aprender mecanismos de defensa que te ayuden a controlar la ansiedad. | 0 | 66 |
209 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | anxiety | Karen ThackerRelationship Specialist | https://counselchat.com/therapists/karen-thacker-2 | Though I don't know for sure, it sounds like anxiety to me. I think it would be helpful if you work with a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders. | 0 | 61 |
209 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Your, sitting in your car for 30 minutes, story sounds so sad and frustrating.Yes, you're describing classic symptoms of anxiety.Anxiety itself is the indirect result of repeatedly being in positions of feeling helpless or frightened.Are you able to recall from your growing up years of feeling insecure?You may not have felt loved and nurtured as much as you needed.Some people develop anxiety from missing enough love. They feel lacking in ability to take care of themselves, similar to the lack of being sufficiently taken care of when younger.Try understanding if you felt neglected emotionally.If "yes", then start the slow process of emotionally rewarding and acknowledging yourself.Progress will be slow.Eventually you'll stabilize the way you feel toward yourself.This will gradually result in decreased anxiety. | 0 | 130 |
209 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch | First, be aware that each end every one of us has anxiety at some point. That certainly seems to fit what you're describing here, but that doesn't mean you have an anxiety disorder, necessarily. That's where there is a difference. Anyone who has a hard time with public speaking or feels uncomfortable in large crowds, for example, is experiencing anxiety.It sounds like it would be helpful to look at the differences between the days when you are more comfortable on the days that you are not. If you notice your anxiety is keeping you from doing things that you need or want to do, it may be helpful to talk with and mental health professional.I wonder also whether your appetite and sleeping patterns are the same or similar to how they were before you experienced this anxiety, when your anxiety started, and whether you feel more comfortable when someone you trust is there with you.If you have an idea of times or situations in which you feel anxious, consider carrying a small smooth rock or another object that makes you feel calm and centered. Perhaps you can keep it in your pocket and remember specific comfortable times while you have it in your hand. | 0 | 146 |
210 | How to stop worrying in a long distance relationship? | My partner lives in Canada while I live in the US. We visit each other, but we go months in between visits. I have anxiety, and I'm always anxious about him cheating or still having feelings for an ex that he dated for three years. He doesn't understand my anxiety. How do I stop myself from worrying so much? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-to-stop-worrying-in-a-long-distance-relationship | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Would you worry less if you and your partner had a plan as to when you will be together as a couple?Long distance relationships are not for everybody. Some people need the daily or frequent interaction to feel secure.The question is not so much how to deal with anxiety that your partner is cheating on you than whether your own emotional and relationship requirements are satisfied with a long distance relationship.Anyway, cheating has nothing to do with distance since married people cheat while living together for years under the same roof! | 0 | 147 |
211 | How can I take my emotional support animal to school? | I have severe anxiety and have tried everything. Everything makes it worst.The only thing that helps is my emotional support animal. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-take-my-emotional-support-animal-to-school | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Sorry to read of your suffering.Is it actually permitted that people are able to take support animals to school?I see your point of the animal helping you. I just also see the point that some people have allergies to animal hair or dander, or may feel distracted by an animal in the classroom.You may end up feeling worse, if when you bring your support animal to school, that it disturbs people or interferes with the routines of the class.For your anxiety, I suggest some loving kindness toward yourself. Be patient with yourself and that you have anxiety. If you're able to accept that some situations create great discomfort for you, maybe you'll tolerate these difficult situation.Embrace your anxiety as part of you, basically, rather than trying to banish it, which because it actually is part of you, is impossible to achieve.In a way, I'm suggesting you become your own "support animal". Love yourself, be kind to yourself, and see if you feel a little less stressed in school. | 2 | 303 |
212 | How can I be less afraid of rape? | Why am I so afraid of it? I don't understand. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-afraid-of-rape | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Your fear is somewhat reasonable. No one wants to be raped and I imagine everyone is afraid of what being raped would feel like.Do you mean that this fear is on your mind more often than you would like?If this is the case, then try understanding the reason behind your fear.Is it because you personally know or know of someone who was raped? One general direction of what would help is to regain confidence in your decisions of keeping yourself safe. The more you trust yourself to avoid social situations with lots of drinking, isolated physical surroundings, and being in isolated locations with someone with whom you're not very familiar, probably your fear will decrease.The other general direction to understand is if in your family history, people have been violated severely, either emotionally, mentally, or physically.In families in which people have suffered severe violations of themselves, often the emotional patterning of expecting to be hurt by others, plants itself very deeply and transmits to the younger generation.Its possible then, that you are suffering from fears established in other family members who have not yet been able to fully understand and accept their own suffering.The good news is that individual therapy, with a credentialed and licensed therapist, is ideal for a safe place to open and clear this type of emotional burden. | 2 | 229 |
212 | How can I be less afraid of rape? | Why am I so afraid of it? I don't understand. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-afraid-of-rape | anxiety | Lola Georgwww.GeorgAssociates.com | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lola-georg | Why are you afraid of rape? Because it is a problem in the United States! The National Sexual Violence Resource Center reports that one in five women (0r 20%) will be raped (http://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf) and that 80% of women know their assailant. Given these statistics, it is perfectly logical to be afraid. However, there are things you can do to reduce the risk of rape, such as being aware of your surroundings, and limiting the use of drugs or alcohol.The Enhanced Access, Knowledge, Act program for college-aged women has been shown to reduce the risk of rape by more than 50%. (http://www.blueprintsprograms.com/factsheet/eaaa-enhanced-assess-acknowledge-act-sexual-assault-resistance-education) You may want to see if a program like this is available in your area. Another great app for when you need to walk somewhere alone, is the Companion App (http://www.companionapp.io). Friends or family can track your progress from one point to another via the GPS in your phone.In addition, talking with a counselor about your fears would also be a good idea. Sometimes fears are rational and reasonable. Sometimes they are over-reactions and unreasonable. When then are over-reactions and unreasonable, they can have a negative impact on your life. In this case, a counselor could help you understand why your fears are unreasonable, and how you can stop them from negatively impacting your life. | 0 | 96 |
213 | How do I deal with all of my disorders? | I have attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, anxiety, anger, and memory problems. I can't work. I have no income. I'm on medicine, but I feel worthless. I want to be normal. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-all-of-my-disorders | anxiety | Sarah McIntyreSarah McIntyre, M.Ed., LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sarah-mcintyre | I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. It sounds like you've had a traumatic experience that has impacted your life in many ways. Without knowing much about your history, I wonder if the trauma you suffered has lead to the anxiety, anger, and memory problems you are dealing with, in addition to PTSD. I would encourage you to look for a trauma therapist who offers a sliding scale or pro bono services. There may also be community mental health services in your area that offer free therapy if you are eligible for grant. | 0 | 143 |
214 | Why do I feel like I’m watching my life from a window? | I never feel like myself. I can’t even think straight anymore. I start stuttering and I can’t remember anything. I always get nervous and usually talk myself down but recently end up fighting with, what feels like, someone else. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I hate it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-m-watching-my-life-from-a-window | anxiety | Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | Hi Houston, Okay, something's definitely going on, right? My gut is to start with your family physician, because you have some physical symptoms. While it seems anxiety is a likely problem here, your doctor will hopefully know your history and can help you decide if you need some medical tests or some therapy. Without knowing more, that's all I can say at this point. Best of luck. | 2 | 180 |
214 | Why do I feel like I’m watching my life from a window? | I never feel like myself. I can’t even think straight anymore. I start stuttering and I can’t remember anything. I always get nervous and usually talk myself down but recently end up fighting with, what feels like, someone else. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I hate it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-m-watching-my-life-from-a-window | anxiety | Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | What you are describing sounds like it may be a form of dissociation. Dissociation is our mind's way of disconnecting us from aspects of our experience in an attempt to protect us in overwhelming situations. It also sounds like you are noticing anxiety in certain situations. In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to gain insight into these experiences, learn skills for coping with anxiety and reconnecting with yourself, and alleviate these symptoms over time. | 1 | 156 |
214 | Why do I feel like I’m watching my life from a window? | I never feel like myself. I can’t even think straight anymore. I start stuttering and I can’t remember anything. I always get nervous and usually talk myself down but recently end up fighting with, what feels like, someone else. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I hate it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-m-watching-my-life-from-a-window | anxiety | Sarah McIntyreSarah McIntyre, M.Ed., LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sarah-mcintyre | Hello,I am wondering if you might be experiencing some form of dissociation. People who dissociate might feel like the world around them is unreal and unfamiliar, or that they are not really in their bodies and that they are observing themselves from outside of their bodies. Dissociation can also mean that there are parts of you that have "split off" and sometimes parts are can feel like they are at odds with each other or are locked in conflict. Sometimes dissociation happens after someone experiences a trauma. Therapy can help you to understand what is going on and help you to integrate your experiences and ultimately heal.I am a therapist in Houston who specializes in dissociation. On my website I have information specific to dissociation that might be helpful to you. Sarah | 0 | 55 |
215 | Why am I sick to my stomach when I stand up? | I had to put a restraining order against my ex-fiancé. He was served last night. He was mentally and verbally abusive towards me. I thought it was my nerves, but every time I stand up, I get sick. If I sit and rock, I'm fine. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-sick-to-my-stomach-when-i-stand-up | anxiety | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | Hello, and thank you for your question. You may be right, your physical symptoms of getting sick to your stomach may very well be your nerves or anxiety. That is totally normal and understandable given your circumstances. Another thing that is not unusual is that you feel better when you sit and rock. That is actually a fairly common way that many people comfort themselves in times of high stress. If you are concerned that there is an actual physical illness causing these symptoms, you may want to visit your primary care provider. They may tell you that they don't see anything physically wrong with you, and at that point you may want to visit a counselor about the symptoms and your relationship experience. A visit with a counselor may be a good idea either way. I work as a counselor in primary care, and I promise you that many people have very real physical symptoms when they have gone through abuse. Unexplainable stomach and headaches are very common. Sometimes, with counseling, those physical symptoms actually stop. Be well, and I hope you feel better soon.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | 0 | 221 |
216 | How can I convince my mother I have anxiety and panic attacks? | I've been dealing with this for years. My mom thinks I'm overly emotional and refuses to offer any help, like therapy or seeing a doctor. She's seen me when I'm having a panic attack and just said I was faking for attention or that I'm a hypochondriac. I just want to get better. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-convince-my-mother-i-have-anxiety-and-panic-attacks | anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch | I don't know how old you are, but in Pennsylvania, if you are over 14, you can have therapy without your parents' consent. If you are young enough to use their insurance, that could be complicated, but depending on the state, there may be ways to work around that as well. If transportation is a problem, call a local mental health agency and see if they can connect you with assistance.In the meantime, try searching for a phone helpline in the county where you live. They may be able to help you figure out where you can get help.Another idea is that if you are in school, your guidance counselor may be able to provide links to where you can go for help. He or she may also be able to give you more specific ideas to help with your panic attacks.I know you said your mom refuses to offer help, which included seeing a doctor, but I wonder if she trusts the doctors that is your primary care physician (also called a family doctor) who you see when you have a minor medical ailment that may need medication. That doctor may be able to help you as well.Some of the information here may be helpful to you because it explains some of what anxiety is and there are some quizzes there that may give you information to discuss with a doctor or therapist when you get connected with one. http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/mental-health-anxiety-disorders This may give you other information to speak with your mom about. Remember that I'm not asking you to actually diagnose yourself with one of these things, but just offering some basic information that may help you be able to talk about what is going on.If you are having a panic attack or having a moment of anxiety, try focusing on different things in the room around you. It may help to shift your focus briefly outside of what you are feeling and that may lessen the feeling a bit. Also remember that sometimes anxiety leads to more anxiety about having a panic attack in the future. Remember that they usually and after a few minutes.It would also be helpful for you to keep track of what leads up to your anxiety.Best wishes to you and keep trying until you get connected to someone. | 0 | 84 |
216 | How can I convince my mother I have anxiety and panic attacks? | I've been dealing with this for years. My mom thinks I'm overly emotional and refuses to offer any help, like therapy or seeing a doctor. She's seen me when I'm having a panic attack and just said I was faking for attention or that I'm a hypochondriac. I just want to get better. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-convince-my-mother-i-have-anxiety-and-panic-attacks | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | How old are you?Are you old enough in your State to have therapy without your mother's consent?Your mom's attitude toward you may be one significant reason on why you feels so much tension in the first place.Don't let her opinions and beliefs get in the way of what you know about yourself.Are you in school and does that school have a guidance counselor?Would you talk with that person about your difficult getting your mom to retain helping services for you?Keep looking for local resources which will support you either directly or indirectly by advocating for your right to receive mental health care. | 0 | 34 |
217 | How can I get over my fear of accidental pregnancy to have sex again? | I am so terrified of having sex anymore because I have been told over and over that sex is dangerous even though me and my partner used both forms of protection. My partner is not happy about this and simply wants more sex, and honestly, I want to give that to her. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-my-fear-of-accidental-pregnancy-to-have-sex-again | anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-bc-tmh-cctp-cch | I would suggest possibly talking with a physician about all the different types of protection. They may be able to help you to know about all of the options that are available.It sounds like your partner is open to understanding your concerns. Perhaps until you have the chance to speak with someone about the effectiveness of different contraception and forms of protection, are either of you open to other forms of engaging in sexual intimacy (without penetration, but with use of vibrators, toys designed for sexual interactions, etc.)? | 0 | 94 |
217 | How can I get over my fear of accidental pregnancy to have sex again? | I am so terrified of having sex anymore because I have been told over and over that sex is dangerous even though me and my partner used both forms of protection. My partner is not happy about this and simply wants more sex, and honestly, I want to give that to her. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-my-fear-of-accidental-pregnancy-to-have-sex-again | anxiety | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-s-ncc | I am wondering who is telling you that sex is dangerous. Is this medical advice, or is this someone’s
opinion trying to scare you from having sex?
And if so, how old are you? Is it ok to have sex, do you want to have
sex? It sounds like you want to make
your partner happy, and that you are taking care of protecting yourself and
your partner, but maybe you are forgetting to consider what do you really want. Having sexual relations is a very personal decision;
you and your partner have to consent. It
is also important to talk about the possible consequences and being responsible
for them as well. But sex should be something
that you enjoy, not that you should be fearful of. A therapist can help you to process those
negative thoughts and feelings that may impair you from enjoying your sexual
life. ¿Cómo puedo superar mi miedo de un
embarazo no deseado y poder tener sexo otra vez?Estoy
aterrorizado de tener sexo porque me han dicho una y otra vez que el sexo es
peligroso, inclusive cuando yo y mi pareja usamos dos métodos de protección. Mi pareja no está contenta y simplemente
quiere más sexo, y honestamente, yo quiero darle lo que ella quiere.Me pregunto quién
te está diciendo que el sexo es peligroso.
¿Esto es aviso medico, o es alguien intentando asustarte para que no
tengas relaciones? ¿Y si es así, que
edad tienes? ¿Es apropiado que tengas
sexo a tu edad? ¿Quieres tener sexo? Me
parece que estas enfocado en hacer feliz a tu pareja, y te estás protegiendo y protegiéndola,
pero tal vez están olvidando analizar que tu quieres realmente. Recuerda que tener una relación sexual es una
decisión personal, en la que tú y tu pareja deben de estar de acuerdo. También es importante hablar de las posibles
consecuencias de tener relaciones, como un embarazo, y discutir sus opciones e
intenciones, si eso ocurriera. Ya que
han tenido comunicación al respecto, el sexo debe ser algo que disfruten, no que temen.
Un terapista te puede ayudar a procesar esos pensamientos negativos y
los sentimientos que te pudieran impedir disfrutar de tu vida sexual. | 0 | 66 |
217 | How can I get over my fear of accidental pregnancy to have sex again? | I am so terrified of having sex anymore because I have been told over and over that sex is dangerous even though me and my partner used both forms of protection. My partner is not happy about this and simply wants more sex, and honestly, I want to give that to her. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-my-fear-of-accidental-pregnancy-to-have-sex-again | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Maybe you'll feel less fear by understanding that whoever told you sex was dangerous, was wrong.If this message came from your upbringing, then it may a deeply embedded belief.Since the belief itself instructs to avoid risk, and overturning this belief requires taking the risk to believe the logic that reasonable safe sex measures are adequate protection, give yourself time to absorb this new understanding.Talk w your partner about your psychological difficulty bc their patience will help you. | 0 | 48 |
217 | How can I get over my fear of accidental pregnancy to have sex again? | I am so terrified of having sex anymore because I have been told over and over that sex is dangerous even though me and my partner used both forms of protection. My partner is not happy about this and simply wants more sex, and honestly, I want to give that to her. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-my-fear-of-accidental-pregnancy-to-have-sex-again | anxiety | Lovener WightmanNYC Counseling | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lovener-wightman | Alot of our choices have to do with what we have been taught and partly our fear of trusting ourselves to do what is right. There is so much more going on within you than you realize. We can help you bring it to the surface. Please contact us when you can and in whatever way you can to discuss what's going on with you. | 0 | 53 |
218 | Why is it so hard for me to talk publicly? | I feel really uncomfortable when I have people's attention. It makes me not want to talk in public or answer questions in class. Can I get over this social anxiety? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-it-so-hard-for-me-to-talk-publicly | anxiety | Genevieve RideoutChristian Counseling for Women ages 20-95 | https://counselchat.com/therapists/genevieve-rideout | you can learn lots of skills/techniques to feel more confident in what you need to do that will decrease your anxious response for sure! :) And you can also learn how to work with your personality that may not like the attention. You may find that "talking" to others through the internet is more comfortable and you are great at it, or that you love one on one talking but aren't really made for group talking. There is a place in this world for you either way! Public speaking skills can be practiced in speech class, or toastmaster group, they will give you practice in a safe environment where the cool kids or cutest boy aren't ready to laugh at you. What topics are you interested in and what groups can you do a little speaking up? Maybe in your small group at church try and raise you hand to share your opinion, or maybe your Girl Scout troop? Look around for a peer and one adult who you like to hear speak out, ask them to share with you 2 things that help them feel comfortable speaking in public. Check out some Ted Talks and see how they share in groups. Social anxiety is a difficult concern and picking apart what is your awesome personality and what needs skill building and mindfulness/anxiety help are important steps. Good luck! | 2 | 336 |
218 | Why is it so hard for me to talk publicly? | I feel really uncomfortable when I have people's attention. It makes me not want to talk in public or answer questions in class. Can I get over this social anxiety? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-it-so-hard-for-me-to-talk-publicly | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Since anxiety usually about anticipating a bad result, or fear of being judged negatively, as though having failed some sort of test, consider what would give you the feeling of anticipating a good result from talking to an audience?Maybe, for example, if you prepared and rehearsed your talk more than what you typically would, you'd feel more secure in speaking in front of an audience.Once you sort through your particular reason as to the source of your discomfort, it may feel more manageable.Yes, social anxiety can change. You may naturally prefer smaller groups than an audience.And, it is possible to decrease anxiety in what may always be somewhat uncomfortable for you. | 1 | 165 |
219 | How do I stop my nightmares? | I have been having a lot of nightmares where I am being killed in different ways. I either wake up in a panic or just crying and sweating. It has made me terrified of falling asleep and is now affecting my daily life too. Can I make the nightmares stop? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-my-nightmares | anxiety | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | Hello, and thank you for your question. Sleep problems, including insomnia and even the nightmares that you are writing about, are really common for people and so many people suffer from them. Here are a few things to consider or to try: 1. Have you changed or started taking any new medication lately? Medications can certainly affect your sleep and some can even cause vivid or frightening dreams. If you are taking a new medication, talk to your provider about the nightmares, this may be the cause. 2. Stress can certainly increase our difficulty with sleep and can also begin to affect our dream states. The dreams may not make much sense, but then again even good dreams don't always make much sense. Ask yourself, do I have any new or renewed stressors in my life? Work, school, relationships, health.... all of these areas and many more are places where stress can hide out. If this is the case, talk with your provider or consider seeing a counselor who may be able to help. 3. Something to consider is that once we start to have anxiety or stress about something, we can begin to obsess about it. My guess is that going to bed for sleep is no longer a pleasant thing for you. Your stress and fear of what may happen when you sleep could start way before you actually go to bed. This could increase your chances of having another bad dream. Try relaxation techniques before going to bed. If you have YouTube, you can pull up "Guided Meditation for Sleep" exercises to help you relax. There are many different ones to choose from. You may also want to try deep breathing.4. There are self-help ideas for managing bad nightmares. If you Google search "Nightmare Rescripting" or "Nightmare Exposure" you may find some ideas and instructions on how to manage dreams. I hope these ideas help. Be well... Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC | 0 | 266 |
220 | I am paranoid that my boyfriend hiding something from me | My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We go to different schools, and we don't see each other that often. I just feel very paranoid that there's someone else or that he could be hiding something from me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-am-paranoid-that-my-boyfriend-hiding-something-from-me | anxiety | Traci LowenthalLGBTQAffirmative Therapist | https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2 | Have you spoken to him about your fears? Perhaps you can explain this feeling to him and let him know what might lead to feeling more secure. Also, it is important to trust your intuition! Perhaps there are good reasons to feel concerned. It may not be paranoia - it may be based in reality! | 1 | 309 |
220 | I am paranoid that my boyfriend hiding something from me | My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We go to different schools, and we don't see each other that often. I just feel very paranoid that there's someone else or that he could be hiding something from me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-am-paranoid-that-my-boyfriend-hiding-something-from-me | anxiety | Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | Paranoid is a mental disorder word. That is a strong word I think to use in this situation. Honestly the bottom like is either you don't trust him for some reason or you are insecure with yourself. Which is it? Do some soul searching to help you figure which one it is. Work on either discussing why you don't trust him and work on building that trust ....or why you feel you are not good enough and work on that. | 0 | 202 |
221 | I'm scared because my boyfriend is interested in BDSM | I'm concerned about my boyfriend. I suffer from anxiety, but I always have this feeling he wants to hurt me because he told me he was interested in BDSM intercourse. We haven't tried it, but I've had this feeling he always wants to. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-scared-because-my-boyfriend-is-interested-in-bdsm | anxiety | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCCMental Health in a Primary Care Setting | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | Hello! Thank you for your question. There are few things
that people find more personal than their sexual relationships. When we feel
connected to our partner, sex can be best thing since sliced bread. However, if
we feel disconnected in some way, sex can feel degrading and even painful.
I don’t know the specifics about your relationship or how
comfortable you are in talking to your boyfriend, but this is one of those
situations where communicating your fears is a good idea. The only exception to
that would be if you believe he is actually a threat to you in some way. If you
believe that, then you should do whatever you think is safe. It sounds like
there is a part of you that is already afraid of him, and if that is the case
then remaining safe is your top priority.
Assuming you are able to share with him your feelings,
telling him what you are and are not interested in sexually is very appropriate
and sexually healthy. Sex is something that is supposed to be enjoyable for
all parties. All parties should feel respected and able to say “no” to
absolutely anything they are not comfortable with.
I call the respectful agreement between sexual partners, “sex
trust.” Sex Trust means your partner respects your boundaries. It means they
won’t degrade you sexually with hurtful words, forced sex, or forcing or
coercing sex in ways someone is not interested in having. Your personal safety and mental well-being is
what is most important.
Now, if there is a part of you that is curious about BDSM
and may be interested in participating in it, there are many websites that you
can explore to learn information. I will warn you, some websites and articles
are better or worse than others, but you may at least feel more informed.
Many people engage in BDSM and have happy relationships, but
again, it completely depends on what each person in the relationship wants. It is
also important to know that BDSM is not just one thing and people practice it
differently based on comfort. If it is something you are uncomfortable with,
then you shouldn’t feel obligated to do it.
I hope this was helpful. Be well.
Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC | 0 | 157 |
222 | What do I do when I have anxiety attacks? | I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-do-i-do-when-i-have-anxiety-attacks | anxiety | Tanairy Fernandez, LMHCBalancing your life one step at a time. | https://counselchat.com/therapists/tanairy-fernandez-lmhc | This is a very common question in my practice. Panic attacks typically emerge from an underlying issue (ex. Depression, low self-esteem, fears). To decrease your anxiety symptoms it’s recommended to seek treatment with a therapist who specializes in working with anxiety disorders and most importantly one with whom you feel comfortable with.In my practice I educate clients about their anxiety and discuss building a framework with helpful tools for decreasing anxiety:1. Starting a daily mindfulness practice. For example: listening to guided meditation; engaging in deep breathing exercises; yoga practice; or other positive calming activities.2. Understand your negative and positive thoughts. Many times we tend to focus on the potential for bad things to happen. Increase positive self-talk when feeling down or when anxious. For example: "I don't need to worry, I am calm and relaxed". 3. Exposure to fearful or anxious situations. This can be accomplished under the care of a mental health professional. Many times we shy away from things that make us feel uncomfortable or insecure. This may led to an increase in isolating behaviors resulting in difficulty in performing things we were once able to do. For example: leaving the house; presenting in front of others; going to social events; and having conversations with people. However, the more we expose ourselves and practice the use of our positive coping skills (ex. deep breathing) the chances of anxiety will decrease. I hope this was helpful. Keep in mind, a therapist can help with guiding you through self relaxation and improvement. | 5 | 362 |
222 | What do I do when I have anxiety attacks? | I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-do-i-do-when-i-have-anxiety-attacks | anxiety | Todd Schmenk, M.S., M.Ed.AQAL Therapies, Inc., | https://counselchat.com/therapists/todd-schmenk-m-s-m-ed | The other two post answers to your question are very good and I don't feel the need to repeat what has already been said quite well, but I will offer one other option I have been able to utilize quite successfully with those dealing with panic attacks. Chain analysis is a fantastic way for your to map out the situation starting with the prompting event, the chain of events ((links) that lead up to the behavior - in this case a panic attack, and then what the consequences were. See the illustration below:This is very useful in that it lays everything out for you to see so that it becomes possible to alter one of the links leading up to the unwanted behavior (panic attack), allows you to come up with strategies for similar situations (prompting events) and allows you to understand how you are reinforcing the behavior when it does occur (consequences). Finally - it would also allow you to identify any particular vulnerabilities, such as not enough sleep, poor nutrition, trauma history or having a cold the time it occurred. Working with someone who utilizes a behavioral approach, such as DBT or behavioral analysis, you can find solutions that replace one of the links and therefore breaks the chain of events. | 2 | 223 |
222 | What do I do when I have anxiety attacks? | I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-do-i-do-when-i-have-anxiety-attacks | anxiety | Wendy BangerterAwarefull; an evolution of Mindfulness | https://counselchat.com/therapists/wendy-bangerter | Anxiety is simply your system communicating to you that you are in danger. The issue that I see in most of my clients is that they try to reason with this anxiety. You do not reason with sensory states in the body. If your system tells your in danger (your stomache feels like it is knots, your heart is beating out of your chest,) validate by just being present with it. Take your breath to it. Breath in and out of that space. Say ok, I am in danger. I always tell my clients, "a crying baby wants to be held, not told to shut up." Listen to your system, validate it like you do a child and see what happens. | 1 | 109 |
222 | What do I do when I have anxiety attacks? | I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-do-i-do-when-i-have-anxiety-attacks | anxiety | Julissa SparksHealing Minds for Wholeness | https://counselchat.com/therapists/julissa-sparks | The are two ways that such anxiety can be dealt with. One is an attempt to replace maladaptive thinking by examining the distorted thinking and resetting the fight-or-flight response with more reasonable, accurate ones. As an example "I'm scared of spiders." But if you change the thinking from being scared to "I'm bigger than the spider," it allows the mind to reach a calmer state of mind. Mindfulness-based therapy can also help focus on the bodily sensations that arise when you feel anxious. Instead of avoiding or withdrawing from these feelings, remain present and fully experience the symptoms of anxiety. Instead of avoiding distressing thoughts, open up to them in an effort to realize and acknowledge that they are not literally true.Although it may seem counter-intuitive, fully realizing the experience of anxiety enables the release of over identification with negative thoughts. You can practice responding to disruptive thoughts, and letting these thoughts go.By remaining present in the body, you'll learn that the anxiety being experienced is merely a reaction to perceived threats. By positively responding to threatening events instead of being reactive you can overcome an erroneous fight-or-flight response. | 0 | 316 |
223 | How can I avoid becoming wrapped up in family issues and control my anxiety about them? | I started dating my fiancé two years ago. My first cousin is married to my fiancé’s sister. There has always been a communication issue between my uncle and aunt and my cousin and his wife. My uncle goes to my mom instead of talking to my cousin, and it upsets my mom. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-becoming-wrapped-up-in-family-issues-and-control-my-anxiety-about-them | anxiety | Nakisia McDanielTrauma Professional | https://counselchat.com/therapists/nakisia-mcdaniel | Based on the information provided, this is an issue with boundaries. Sounds like your uncle goes to your mom and possibly your mother takes the issues to you. I do not like to assume so I will direct you to information regarding families dealing with enmeshment and triangulation. Enmeshment is the concept of diffused boundaries in families and other personal relationships. Triangulation is two individuals relaying information to a third party what cannot be said directly to each other. From someone who has dealt with both these issues on a personal level, being informed about family dynamics is beneficial and can help you develop healthy boundaries for yourself within your family structure. You may need assistance with developing healthy boundaries. Although it is possible, it is not easy to change the way you have been operating for any extended amount of time. Hope this help! | 1 | 294 |
223 | How can I avoid becoming wrapped up in family issues and control my anxiety about them? | I started dating my fiancé two years ago. My first cousin is married to my fiancé’s sister. There has always been a communication issue between my uncle and aunt and my cousin and his wife. My uncle goes to my mom instead of talking to my cousin, and it upsets my mom. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-becoming-wrapped-up-in-family-issues-and-control-my-anxiety-about-them | anxiety | Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | When you're upset about something, the first question you can ask yourself is "Whose problem is this?" It is amazing how many problems will disappear right at that point, because you realize the problem isn't even yours. You can't fix everything in your family. You are starting a new family of your own, and it's time to create a protective bubble around your family unit that keeps other people's issues away. I tell myself "Not my pig, not my farm, not my problem." When you stop trying to take care of other people's problems, they are more likely to step up and deal with it themselves. :) | 0 | 88 |
224 | Why am I so anxious in social situations? | Whenever I have to speak in public or be in big crowds, I freak out. I get light-headed, sweaty, and I have trouble breathing. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-so-anxious-in-social-situations | anxiety | Todd Schmenk, M.S., M.Ed.AQAL Therapies, Inc., | https://counselchat.com/therapists/todd-schmenk-m-s-m-ed | Basically, your response is the fight, flight or freeze reaction
which is hard wired into the human nervous system, specifically, the autonomic nervous system (called the autonomic response). This system
is responsible for regulating the heart, digestion, respiratory rate
as well as other aspects which match the symptoms you describe. It is largely an unconscious function, but
with training it can be managed such as a public speaking course in which you
prepare and even have some exposure to smaller experiences to help you prepare
and cope for larger presentations. One of the greatest applications of
addressing this response is the NASA program which exposes the astronauts to situations
they will encounter while in space which will trigger the response so that when
it does happen (not if but when) that they are able to move through the
challenge with success. You can learn
more about his by going to TED Talks “What I learned about going blind in space” It is
a truly inspiring look at what you are experiencing as well as how to deal with
it.
With that being said, finding a program
like a Dale Carnegie Public Speaking program can help. Working with a counselor who can help you
utilize visualization of an upcoming speech has been shown to help and you can
always talk to your doctor to see what options might be available there as
well. Good luck! | 1 | 174 |
224 | Why am I so anxious in social situations? | Whenever I have to speak in public or be in big crowds, I freak out. I get light-headed, sweaty, and I have trouble breathing. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-so-anxious-in-social-situations | anxiety | Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | As you do it more, it should get better or at less with less anxiety. Anxiety is normal for most when speaking in public. I hear this from even the best of facilitators who have been doing it for years. I even experienced that when I first became a counselor and had to lead classes. I asked myself why were I so anxious? I admit at that time I didn't have confidence in myself. The more I prepared and practiced, the more my confidence level increased. Yours will too... | 0 | 59 |
225 | I've been having the same dream since I was a child | I am a teenage girl. I've been seeing the same dream once in a while since I was very young. The problem is that I don't remember anything about this dream. I still know that it's the same one, and then I wake up in a panic, and I cry really loud without knowing the reason. Why do I see the same dream, why can I not remember it, and what should I do to remember it? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-ve-been-having-the-same-dream-since-i-was-a-child | anxiety | Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | There is no scientifically established formula for understanding dreams, that I know about, however, many people get a great deal of value from exploring what their dreams mean. It is believed by many that our dreams contain metaphors that represent meaningful patterns in our lives and relationships and if we pay attention to them we can learn important things about ourselves. One thing you might try, to see if you can get more insight into the dream and possibly begin remembering things, is to take note of whatever you do remember, any details about your experience, such as when do you wake up from the dream, how do you feel, both emotionally and physically, what are you thinking about when you wake up, is there any pattern in terms of what happens to you in your waking life around the time you have this dream... If you can keep a journal or a recording device to speak into by your bed, you can try to record whatever you do remember and notice as soon as you wake up. People seem to have more difficulty remembering dreams, the more time they let go by before attempting to record the dream, or if you go back to sleep before recording what you remember. | 0 | 164 |
226 | If I'm not with my boyfriend, I have emotional breakdowns | I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He loves me a lot, and I love him. It hurts to be apart from him for so long. It hurts all over, and then I feel like it won't last. | https://counselchat.com/questions/if-i-m-not-with-my-boyfriend-i-have-emotional-breakdowns | anxiety | Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | I would suggest that you look up the word codependency and it's characteristics. See if you relate to those characteristics. I have a feeling you have suffered some form of loss in your life that you have not dealt with properly. For some reason you are depending on your boyfriend to fill that loss. Considering working with a counseling to work through your emotions and resolve any lingering issues. | 1 | 61 |
227 | Why am I all of a sudden having issues communicating with the guy I’m dating? | I started seeing this guy that I met at a mutual friend’s place. He recently broke up with his ex-girlfriend and started seeing me. Everything was great in the beginning, then I started having low self-esteem thoughts and thinking he was hanging with his ex-girlfriend again. It’s all I think about. I am still seeing him, but things have changed because I am at a loss for words. I get stuck in my own thoughts. I like and care for him a lot. He just makes me nervous and gives me the butterflies. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-all-of-a-sudden-having-issues-communicating-with-the-guy-i-m-dating | anxiety | Sonya WilsonLicensed Professional Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | Sounds like you are struggling with your own negative thoughts. As you stated, everything was great then you started having low self-esteem thoughts and thinking. What is contributing to these negative thoughts? His actions or your past experiences with unhealthy relationships would be my question.. | 0 | 77 |
228 | How can I get over social anxiety? | I have not had a friend since I was 19. I don't go anywhere, and I have no job, all because I'm afraid of people. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-social-anxiety | anxiety | Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | Individual and/or group therapy can be a powerful antidote for social anxiety. Often in therapy, the things that tend to get in the way of our securing satisfying and lasting personal relationships will appear in some way in the therapy relationship and a competent therapist will be able to help you work through this anxiety, in a sensitive way, and eventually encourage you to seek out the personal relationships that you want. In group therapy, you have an opportunity to have a relationship not only with the therapist, but several other people who are all in the group in order to give and receive mutual support to one another. | 1 | 145 |
229 | Am I somehow stressing myself out? | I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out | https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-somehow-stressing-myself-out | anxiety | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHCAttorney & Licensed Mental Health Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | I think you have identified something important here. It's not unusual to experience feelings that don't seem to match up with what your rational mind recognizes. In this case, it sounds like a part of you recognizes that the people around you do not find you "annoying and bothersome." Despite knowing that people like you, it seems that there's still a part of you that feels like you're a bother.Finding a local counselor who can work with you to process those feelings might be just the help you need. | 3 | 998 |
229 | Am I somehow stressing myself out? | I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out | https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-somehow-stressing-myself-out | anxiety | Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | "Where you put your attention is where you will go". I forget who said this first, but it's very powerful. If all you think about and talk about is how annoying you think you might be, that will get annoying. Your intense self reflection is lovely; it will help you monitor yourself so that you're not affecting others negatively, but your alarm is going off too easily here and you risk having the opposite effect.You don't have to be perfect. She's with you, so she probably likes you as you are. She seems to put far less emphasis on your possibly annoying traits. We all have faults and if that's what we focus on, that's all we will see. My hunch is that your most annoying trait might be your negative self-talk. How ironic is that?There's another irony here...your goal is to be a better partner...but when you are self-critical, your focus is on you, not her. Every moment that fear grabs ahold of you is a moment that you're not being present in the actual relationship; you're gazing at your imagined faults. Fear steals your ability to focus on your loving partner. Maybe take a moment to image how she sees you...all of you. Put yourself in her shoes to see the entire you...how are you loving...thoughtful...a good partner? Confidence is a very attractive quality! | 2 | 271 |
229 | Am I somehow stressing myself out? | I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out | https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-somehow-stressing-myself-out | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | I'm glad to hear you have friends and that your friends say they like you.Trust your own sense of who you are which tells you that something feels uneasy within yourself.Is the friend who says you're "just fine", very familiar with who you are?"Friend" is a broad category.She may not know you as fully as you know yourself.Basically, it is possible to be "fine" and have some inner stress.Follow your own thoughts and observations to more fully learn about yourself in ways your friend may not notice or be aware. | 1 | 273 |
229 | Am I somehow stressing myself out? | I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out | https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-somehow-stressing-myself-out | anxiety | Mark Morris, LCSWTherapist and Author of Living Yes | https://counselchat.com/therapists/mark-morris-lcsw-new-orleans | Interesting: How much of your issue is your own self-judging and how much of your perception is real?There are many ways to stop judging and self-judging using Cognitive Theory (CBT). You could find a (CBT) counselor/ therapist to help you reduce your judgments. In addition, I've written extensively about this in my book, LIVING YES, A HANDBOOK FOR BEING HUMAN (www.LivingYes.org). I recommend you visit the webpage and pick up a copy.As to your own perception: You seem okay being who you are, and your girlfriend agrees. Instead, you appear to be upset by your own guess at what others may be thinking. That's a trap that stresses a lot of folks out. Consider this: Many happy people don't mind what others think of them. And consider this: Many heroic characters in literature and movies are unlikeable. ("Colombo" is annoying and bothersome, but we love him. So is Johnny's Depp's Jack Sparrow and many of the roles played by George Clooney, Sandra Bullock, and Jack Nicholson.) Would it be okay with you to be an "antihero" in your own life? If you don't want to be an antihero, you have the power to be the person you want. Your behaviors and thoughts are completely under your control. What other people think of you is not under your control. You are completely in the driver's seat here. The choices are all yours. Enjoy who you are, and use your will power to make yourself who you want to be! ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org) | 0 | 838 |
230 | How can I deal with my paranoia? | I'm a little paranoid. My mind does get the best of me. One night, I put chairs under all of my door knobs because I thought someone might break in. I also think a lot, which is probably the reason for the paranoia. I can't stand loud noises, like the sound of cars going by. The grocery store is too noisy, and I feel like people are looking at me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-my-paranoia | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Paranoid people don't realize they are paranoid. They believe their actions to be reasonable responses to potential threats.From what you write, you are aware that your actions may be understood as extreme.Instead of trying to fit your behavior into a negative psychological category, try seeing each of the behaviors you list here, as your own uniqueness.This way you will become more tolerant of what very well be your natural tendencies.If you are someone who needs a lot of time in quiet, then not liking loud noises doesn't make you paranoid, it is simply the way of who you are.One possible way of feeling better is if you would accept the answers you've developed so far for yourself. They may be a little unusual compared to what we consider mainstream. From what you describe, you already are dealing with what you call "paranoia". | 1 | 28 |
231 | Do I have social anxiety? | When I go to school, I feel like everyone is judging me, even my friends. I get overwhelmed which these thoughts and sometimes cannot get out of what I call a deep hole of thoughts. I barely go to any of our school dances because of all of the people. Not even when I am completely alone do these thoughts go away. I still feel like people can see me and are judging me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-social-anxiety-2 | anxiety | Ben BraaksmaMental Health Counselor | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | It sounds like a couple of things are going on here; you are noticing yourself feeling judged by the people around you and that you are avoiding social activities and in addition to this you have intrusive thoughts that you are being judged, even when alone. It sounds like these thoughts are pretty distressing and you are wondering what is happening to you. Many people who come to therapy experience intrusive and distressing thoughts of various kinds, which often influence their behavior in ways that they may not like, such as leading them to isolate. In therapy, you may be able to gain insight into the nature of your distress as well as learn ways to cope and eventually alleviate this distress so that you can have satisfaction and security in your life and relationships. | 1 | 95 |
232 | How do I get over my fears of dying? | Recently, I had a close call after delivering my second child (blood clot followed by internal bleeding and several blood transfusions). It was a close call. I am currently undergoing medical treatment because of the event, and I am constantly afraid the whole ordeal will happen again. I have never really had anxiety in the past, but I find now that it consumes my every day and night. With two beautiful children to raise, I am most terrified of not being able to raise and protect them. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-my-fears-of-dying | anxiety | Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | Hi Meriden, it's natural that after a serious scare like that you would have some anxiety and fear. This fear is helpful to some extent, because it will assist you in taking care of yourself and not taking unnecessary risks with your health. You can say "thanks very much" to fear for trying to protect you, and then you can take steps to reduce it. Right now, fear is working overtime and stealing your quality of life. You can work to put it into perspective.I invite you to imagine that your job is to convince fear that you don't need it screaming in your ear constantly in order to be as safe as you can be. Imagine that fear is in front of you. It's saying "hey, you need me! If I wasn't keeping you alert, you would be very ill". Fear doesn't trust you to take care of yourself. What is the evidence you are caring for yourself and doing everything you can to prevent a recurrence? What is the evidence that this won't likely happen again (it was specifically connected to the stress of labour, right?). What is the evidence from your doctor that this is unlikely to recur? What is the evidence that you are healing? What is the evidence that you are very aware of the danger and will respond quickly if there is a recurrence? What is the evidence that worrying about it will hurt you, not help you? How many hours of your life do you want to hand over to fear?Fear is trying to keep you safe, but you can turn the volume down by talking to yourself about all these things. I wish you well. | 2 | 111 |
233 | I'm worried that there's something wrong with the guy I love | I met a guy a while ago, and I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like I love him, but I don't think I know him. What if he is not who I think he is? I cry sometimes thinking someone is going to be with him or that he has a girlfriend. I don't know, am I too obsessive? Every time we talk though, it's like magic. He makes me feel amazing, but what if I'm mistaken? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-worried-that-there-s-something-wrong-with-the-guy-i-love | anxiety | Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | Keller, it sounds like you're living this relationship in your mind, instead of in the real world. You can get answers to your questions by talking to him...getting to know him will answer all the curiosities you have. You're asking the questions in your head instead of being in the friendship. So what is it that gets in the way of actually asking the questions and getting to know him? Fear of rejection? Fear of something else? If you have fear that keeps you from having fulfilling friendships, I recommend a therapist to help you work through that. I wish you well. :) | 1 | 86 |
234 | Why am I not as comfortable around my boyfriend anymore? | I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety and panic attacks lately. I was recently diagnosed by my psychiatrist with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Lately, I've been questioning everything from my career to my relationship. My boyfriend and I just moved in a few months ago. All of a sudden, I don't feel as comfortable around him as I used to, although I can't seem to find a reason as to why I feel this way. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-not-as-comfortable-around-my-boyfriend-anymore | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | How is your boyfriend responding to your discomfort around him?Has he told you that he's noticed changes in you?The good news about a relationship is that you can talk about matters with the other person. Doing so can only help clarify feelings and what either of you expect from the relationship. Given that the two of you recently moved in together, it is natural for new dynamics, feelings and expectations to arise. It just adds to the reasonableness of talking with each other about how living together feels to each of you.Psychiatrists earn their living by diagnosing people and telling them to take pills. Very often, just being told the person has a "condition" makes them feel fragile and less capable than they actually are.Anxiety and panic attacks do mean that there is a great deal of emotion and situation needing to be addressed.It is the normal sign of having to address many or deep matters. Be patient and give yourself time to learn the details of your relationship and whatever the career particulars are that are bothering you. You're apparently self-aware since you're the one describing your own problematic situations. Keep the label of being "disordered", aside. Psychiatry labels do more good for psychiatrists than they do for people who are trying to live their lives. | 1 | 547 |
234 | Why am I not as comfortable around my boyfriend anymore? | I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety and panic attacks lately. I was recently diagnosed by my psychiatrist with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Lately, I've been questioning everything from my career to my relationship. My boyfriend and I just moved in a few months ago. All of a sudden, I don't feel as comfortable around him as I used to, although I can't seem to find a reason as to why I feel this way. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-not-as-comfortable-around-my-boyfriend-anymore | anxiety | Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | Hi New Jersey,You talk about two very big changes in your life that have happened lately; the diagnosis/anxiety, and the moving in together. That's a lot!I love how you recognise that you been 'questioning everything'. I think anxiety's got its toe in the door and it's pushing you around, wanting some power over you. Fear and anxiety try to convince us that we need protection and that it's best to either pull away or fight. But letting anxiety control how you see your relationship isn't the answer here. I think you know that already.You must have moved in with him for a reason, and it's appropriate now to simply trust that, to ask him for some patience, and to focus on learning to manage the anxiety rather than questioning this decision to move in. Fear is getting in the way of you trusting yourself and your decision. You can figure the anxiety piece out while living with your boyfriend.When you're in a bit of a crisis is not the right time to make a major change. I suggest you use a therapist who works with cognitive behavioural therapy to learn to manage the anxiety, and then the relationship will likely seem more clear. | 1 | 427 |
235 | How can I be less anxious when dealing with my toddler? | My toddler defies everything I say and doesn’t see me as authoritative, so she says no about everything. I'd like to hear some ways I can work on not needing to feel so much in control all the time. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-anxious-when-dealing-with-my-toddler | anxiety | Lynda MartensMarriage & Family Therapist, MSc, RP, RMFT | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario | Hi Biddeford,This is a super goal. Feeling powerless is something parents are wise to get used to; there's a creature in the home whose job it is to find and use their power in the family and in the world. Of course your toddler defies you, and that's healthy. I worry more about the overly compliant ones. She is wanting to know what the rules are, and all you have to do is show her clearly where the lines are. I'll give you some tips.First, remind yourself that it's her job to learn what the rules are, and where her power is. Don't be so surprised when she wants it her way. If we go through our days being ready and prepared for these beautiful creatures to have minds of their own, we're less caught off guard when it happens. Avoid situations that invite power struggles. Any time you tell your daughter "do this now", you set up a power struggle. The good thing is that she's young enough you can pick her up; now is the time to teach her that mom's (or dad's) word means something. So, if you say "let's get you dressed", then be prepared to pick her up right away and show her that when you say something will happen, you can make it happen. And I'm talking about gently picking her up here...not roughly. Pick your battles; only give instructions when you have the power to make it happen.Give her choices, so she can see her power. Instead of opening her drawer and asking what she wants to wear, give her two choices. Here's an example...she's on the ipad and you say ipad time is over. She says "no". You can say "ipad time is over. If you put it down, you can play later. If I have to take it away, you don't play it later." The choice is hers. Then follow through."When...then" statements are really helpful. Your child asks for something. Instead of saying no, try "as soon as the toys are picked up, we can have a snack". You're simply a pleasant parent who wants the same thing they do...but they have to earn it. Staying calm yourself is the key, because then at least you will feel in control of yourself, which is the ultimate goal. Use self-talk to calm yourself. Remind yourself her behaviour is normal and healthy. Breathe through a moment in which you would have reacted, and it will be over by the time the breath is done. You can give yourself time to think before you make parenting decisions. Time is a useful tool not enough parents use. Good luck! | 2 | 338 |
235 | How can I be less anxious when dealing with my toddler? | My toddler defies everything I say and doesn’t see me as authoritative, so she says no about everything. I'd like to hear some ways I can work on not needing to feel so much in control all the time. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-anxious-when-dealing-with-my-toddler | anxiety | Margaret Van AckerenMA, LMFT | https://counselchat.com/therapists/margaret-van-ackeren-yorba-linda | That's a good question. I would say learn to pick your battles. What types of behavior/situations can you let go of? If you allow yourself to worry about the various areas in life that you cannot control, you will find yourself stressed out and unable to manage everything. Know that toddlerhood comes with lots of "no's," tantrums, non-compliance, and a growing need for independence. When your toddler does something that you don't approve of, remain calm, explain to him/her the appropriate way to act, and model it for him/her. Remember to give your toddler praise when he/she does something good or acceptable. Be consistent and follow through with your instructions. Finally, know that you are not alone. Parenting comes with its set of challenges but all you can do is your very best. Good luck to you! | 1 | 654 |
235 | How can I be less anxious when dealing with my toddler? | My toddler defies everything I say and doesn’t see me as authoritative, so she says no about everything. I'd like to hear some ways I can work on not needing to feel so much in control all the time. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-anxious-when-dealing-with-my-toddler | anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | Trust that you are a good mother and that you love your child.Trust and love are their own authority and come from a different inner place than the urge to be obeyed.Trust and love are effective guidance and usually feel happier and lighter too! | 0 | 199 |