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fd_The_Office_03x14

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Dwight: I have left Dunder-Mifflin after many record-breaking years and am officially on the job market. And it's very exciting. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: For your convenience, I've broken it down into three parts: professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute trivia. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working, Alpha male, Jackhammer, Merciless, Insatiable. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: There is nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [in Staples uniform] I got this job to make some money while I continue my employment search. And uh, it's fine for the time being. Oops. Break's over. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [to Ryan] Big Turkey. [cellphone plays "Rockin' Robin"] Jim: Is that you singing? Andy: All four parts. Recorded it on my computer. It took me forever. Jim: Nice job. Andy: Thank you muchly. [cellphone continues playing] Jim: You gonna answer it? Andy: I called it myself. I just thought you'd get a kick out of the new ring. Jim: Yikes. Andy: Side note. I'd just like to say I'm thrilled to be working directly beneath you. Jim: Thank you. Andy: I feel I have a lot to learn from you, even though you're younger and have less experience. So here's to the future... Andy and the Tuna. [sings] Andy and the tuna... [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Yes, Dwight Schrute has left this company. More personnel turnover. Andy: The cost of doing business. Michael: Yes, well. It is a big loss. Dwight was the top salesman... Andy: Was the top salesman... Michael: I said 'was'. Andy: [chuckles] Addition by subtraction. Michael: What does that even mean? That is impossible. Andy: Mmmm. Yeah you're right. Michael: But, there is some good news. Oscar is back. Addition by addition. So we are going to have a big party today to welcome him back and hopefully that will lift everybody's spirits. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Hey, everyone. Kevin: Oh, hello, Oscar. How was your gay-cation? Oscar: Oh, that's very funny. Kevin: Yeah? I thought of it like, two seconds after you left. Oscar: [sits at his desk] Hi, Angela. Angela: Oscar. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey, boss. Michael: Hey, what's up. Andy: Noooothin'. Ehrrrrrrrrr. Heh. Man. TGI-Wednesday. Am I right? Michael: Yep. Andy: Gonna go home. Get my beer on. Get my "Lost" on. What are you doing later, wanna hang out? Michael: I don't know. Maybe. Andy: Well, I will take that as a maybe. [Michael gets up] Where are you going? Michael: Bathroom. Andy: Oh, well, I'm going to the kitchen, I'll walk with you. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [lurking by the bathroom door] Yeah, things are going pretty good. Gettin' a lot of face time with the boss. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Oscar? I have a question. Would you like to join the party planning committee? Oscar: The one of all women? Angela: Yeah. Oscar: Because I'm gay? Angela: No. No. Certain events have transpired. And I've thought about certain things. And I'm sorry for the way those certain events transpired. [starts to cry] And I would just like to make some changes about certain things and certain situations. Oscar: OK, OK, OK, all right, all right. I'll join. I'd love to. That's -- thank you. Angela: Thank you. [sniffles] Kevin: Can I join too? Angela: Never. [SCENE_BREAK] Staples Guy: You sell those two printers this morning? Nice work. Dwight: [scoffs] Child's play. Give me something hard to sell. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Wow. [walks over to the plant] What is wrong with this thing? It looks terrible. Pam: Do you want me to ask the cleaning crew if they stopped watering it? Michael: Yeah. And you know what? Ask them about the toys on my desk too. They always used to arrange them in a very pleasing way. It used to brighten my morning. Pam: Oh, that wasn't the night crew. That was Dwight. Michael: Really? That was very nice of him. We need more attitude like that around the office. Andy: Feel ya, dawg. Michael: Yeah, do you? Andy: Absolutely. Michael: What did I say? Andy: You said... [makes gibberish noises] Michael: Huh. Andy: Which is like, "Right on." And Pam was like "blah blah blah" and you were like "Yeah, psht." Nailed it. Michael: Oh, no. Andy: Oh, no. [SCENE_BREAK] MIchael: Love that Andy, right? Solid fellow. Seems smart enough. Likes me a lot. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person. A little. Not super crazy... just... there's something about him that creeps me out. I can't really explain it. He's always up in my bidness. Which is ebonics for "being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me." I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: I really have no preference. We don't even have to have a party. Michael: No, hey, hey. Don't be ridiculous. Of course we are going to have a party. A celebration of Oscar. Oscar night. And I want it to be Oscar-specific. Oscar: Michael -- Michael: No, no, no. I mean, not because you're gay. Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity. So Phyllis... I want you to go find firecrackers. And a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga. Oscar: Why don't you have me riding in on a donkey into the office like Pepe. Michael: Ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let's get him one. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Need any help? Lady: Oh, no, thank you. I'm just looking. Dwight: Great. I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all. Lady: Okay. [moves away] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I think I could go for some tuna fish right about now. Oh, oh, got my rod here. [fake casts off] Whizzzzz. [catches Jim] Click, click, click, click, click, click, click. [Jim gets up] Cli -- ah! I got one! I got one! Ahhhh! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey. Karen: Hey. Jim: So Andy is in rare form today. Karen: Yeah, you should not encourage him. Jim: Encourage him? I'm the victim, okay? He's fishing for me. We've got to do something. Karen: Look, I've got like fifteen new clients I inherited from Dwight and each file is password protected with a different mythical creature. So, I'm sorry. I can't. Jim: Fine. Party pooper. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Who's that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv Something. Great sportscaster. Big weirdo creep. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: 185 pounder. Check it out. Whew! ["displays" Jim who looks thoroughly annoyed] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey, Ryan? Ryan: What? Jim: You wanna pull a prank on Andy? Ryan: Not right now, but ask me again ten years ago. Jim: I liked you better when you were the temp. Ryan: Yeah, me too. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey guys. How's the workload on all of Dwight's old accounts? Handling it okay? Phyllis: Sort of. He had a lot of clients. Michael: Yes, he did. Have any of you talked to Dwight? Stanley: Oh, sure, we talk all the time. Michael: Really? Stanley: No. Michael: Don't - don't do that. That's not nice. What about you, Phyllis? You and Dwight were close. Phyllis: No. Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Dwight has a big personality and I have a big personality. And a lot of times when two people like that get together it can be explosive. [SCENE_BREAK] Paris: Really comin' down out there. Commute's gonna be hell. Dwight: I have snow tires and chains. Plus exceptional hand-eye coordination. Paris: So um, where were you workin' before this? Dwight: Dunder-Mifflin. Paris: What kind of company is that? Dwight: [scoffs] Paper company. They're only one of Staples' top competitors in the area. Paris: I never heard of 'em. Dwight: Whoa. Really? Have you heard of paper? Paris: You gonna be like that, huh? [SCENE_BREAK] Paris: I don't like him, his giant head, or his beady little eyes. That's all I got to say on the matter. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [singing] In your he-ead, in your he-eyd-ed. Zombie. Zombie. Zombie. Ey, ey, ey, ey. In your he-eyd-ed. Jim: Would you like to pull a prank on Andy? Pam: Oh, I'm kind of in the middle of -- yes please. Jim: Okay, good. Stay right here. Andy: [after Jim knocks over his pencils] Oh. Good move, Tuna. Nice one. Jim: [hands Pam Andy's phone] Are there any messages? Pam: Nope. Jim: So weird. Pam: [takes the phone] Hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Nice to have Oscar back. Angela: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Large Tuna. Have you seen my cell phone device? Jim: No. Andy: Cause someone is calling right now. There is a call. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Angela? Angela: Oh. [hands Pam tape] Pam: Is everything okay? Angela: No. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: What's going on? Jim: What are you talking about? Andy: Where is my FREAKING phone?! Jim: You know what? Maybe it's in the ceiling. Andy: Maybe you're in the ceiling! Jim: Okay. Andy: [trying to look in Phyllis's desk, she slams the drawer shut] I don't trust you, Phyllis! [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: I wanted to let you know that Dwight was late that morning because he was driving to New York to drop off the correlated documents that I forgot to send. Though to be fair, Kevin never reminded me. Michael: Why would Dwight do that for you? I think I know why. Because Dwight loves this company. Angela: Yes. Michael: Do you think that anyone else out there would have driven to corporate for you? Angela: None of them. Especially not Andy. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Pam, I have a mission to accomplish. Make sure this party gets rolling and I will be back shortly. Andy: Wait up. Where are you going? Do you want me to come with? Michael: Um. Andy: Just listen, I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bars, beers, buzzed. Wings. Shots. Drunk. Waitresses, hot. Football - Cornell/Hofstra. Slaughter. Then a quick nap at my place and we'll hit the tiz-own. Michael: No. I don't want to do any of that. Andy: Duh. Which is why I was just joking about doing that. Michael: No, just stop. Stop. Stop doing it. You're going to drive me crazy. Andy: Fine. I'll just sit at my desk and be quiet. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship. [Andy's phone rings] Excuse me. And I'm also sorry that a lot of people here for some reason think it's funny to steal someone's personal property and hide it from them. Here's a little newsflash! It's not funny! In fact, it's pretty freakin' unfunny! Oh, my GOD. [punches a hole in the wall] That... was an overreaction. Gonna hit the break room. Does anybody want anything? Pam, you good? Pam: Yeah. Andy: Sure? Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [to customer] Well, that question is meaningless. Just go with the copy paper. It's your funeral. See how that works out for you. Michael: Hey. Dwight: Hey. Michael: What's up? Dwight: Same old. Michael: Um. It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man. Angela from accounting told me what you did. Dwight: Oh my God, she told you? Michael: Yes, she did. And Dwight, if you were willing to do something like that for some random co-worker, then clearly I have misjudged you from the beginning, and I apologize. Dwight: Accepted. Michael: How's this place treating you? Dwight: [scoffs] The boss isn't funny. Michael: Oh, well. Dwight: I don't get to wear my ties. Michael: No. I'm sure. Dwight: So? Michael: So, maybe you should come back. You should come back. Please. Dwight: I don't want to do your laundry anymore. Michael: We can talk about that. [Dwight high fives Michael] All right. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [inspecting the hole in the wall] Oh my God, that's half-inch drywall. Pam: I think we broke his brain. [they both snicker] Jim: [imitating Andy] "It's not freakin' funny!" [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Are you enjoying your fiesta? Oscar: Actually, yeah. I didn't think I would, but turns out -- [Angela walks away] it's great. Michael: Ladies and gentlemen! May I present... Mr. Dwight Schrute! Everybody: Yay. [scattered appalause] Angela: Welcome back. Dwight: Thank you. Michael: Okay, Dwight, you can let go of her hand. You're gonna break it. [looks around the room] Not bad, huh? Dwight: You did this for me? [camera pans to "Welcome Back Oscar" sign] Michael: Guilty. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: Oh... Where did you get this stuff? Meredith: Gerty's. Creed: Which aisle? Meredith: I don't remember. Creed: Well, draw me a map, mama. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Pam. I will shake mine and then you will shake yours. Pam: No, I will not. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So does this remind you of your childhood right now? Oscar: It reminds me a lot of the 'Three Amigos' with Steve Martin and Chevy Chase. Michael: Wow. Thank you. Wow, that's-- thanks so much. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey. Karen: [sighs] Do you still have feelings for her? Jim: [long pause and then he sighs and nods] Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the big finale! Sir, would you do the honor? [hands broom to Dwight, though Oscar thinks he's handing it to him] Dwight: Oh, man. [Kevin starts to put a blindfold on] No, no, no. I don't need it. Get out! [beats up pinata] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It takes a big man to admit his mistake and that's what I did. The important thing is I learned something. I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I'm going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me. Hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: So Michael had a little chat with corporate and they decided to send me to management training. Anger management, technically, but still. Management material. [gets out of his car] This whole thing supposed to take ten weeks, but I can be done in five. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and positive reinforcement through nods and smiles. So, don't worry about old Andy Bernard. I'll be back. Just like Rambo, so. Marcy: Oh, hi. You must be Andy. Andy: Oh, hi! Yes. I am and you must be... Marcy! Marcy: That's right, it's so good to meet you. Andy: It's so good to meet you! Marcy: Thanks. Well, you ready to have some fun? Andy: Yeah.

Oscar's return from his vacation prompts Michael to host a Mexican-themed party. Meanwhile, Jim searches for someone to play a prank with, eventually turning to Pam; they steal Andy's phone, hide it in the ceiling and repeatedly call it, playing his homemade ring tone over and over. Andy becomes more angry each time the phone rings, and eventually punches a hole in the wall out of frustration. As a result of this outburst, Andy is sent to anger management training. Michael, increasingly distraught over Dwight's resignation in the previous episode, leaves and confronts him at Staples, inviting him back to Dunder Mifflin. After being confronted by Karen, Jim reveals to her that he still has feelings for Pam.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_05x13

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_05x13_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Mary Margaret: You're going to hell? Emma: The Underworld. I'm getting him back. Cora: My time in the Underworld is done. Yours can be, too. Just do what I say. Mary Margaret: Tell me your father's okay. Henry: He's in a better place now. Mary Margaret: That means everyone here... David: Can be saved. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (In Hades' underground prison, Hook is unconscious in a small space, before he suddenly gasps and wakes up. Screaming can be heard in the distance. Hook grimaces in pain as he manages to roll over and get onto one knee, clearly very injured) Hook: Is this a bloody trick?! (He manages to get to his feet, and goes to step off the small platform he is on, but is stopped by a female voice) Meg: Stop. That's exactly what it is... A trick. Don't move. He wants you to think you can escape, but... you can't. No one can. Hook: Aye. We'll see about that. (He takes one step off the platform) Meg: Don't! He'll hunt you down. Hook: Hades has already done his worst to me. Meg: I don't mean Hades. Hook: Who, then? Meg: No. Just don't. Hook: Look, this isn't my first cell. I don't just sit around and rot. Now, somebody's come down here to save me, and I need to make her job easier. Meg: How do you know she's here? Hook: She got me a message. Meg: How do you know that wasn't one of Hades' tricks? Hook: Because I know! When you love someone, you know. Now, what's keeping us in here? Meg: Something you don't want to face. Hook: Well, I'll be the judge of that. (He steps off the platform and grunts) Time to go. (He begins to limp towards her) Meg: Are you mad? Hook: Perhaps. (Holds his hand out for her) But I'm the best chance you have. Here. Come on. Meg: (Whimpers, before taking his hand and standing) Hook: You ready? All right, go. Go! (The two begin running from the room they were in and instantly Cerberus can be heard growing from down one of the corridors. Meg is clearly scared and is panicking) Meg: I told you we'll never make it. Hook: (Stops her) We won't... but you will. I'll draw the hell beasts away. You run. And once you're free, find Emma Swan. I'm Captain Killian Jones... Captain Hook. Tell her to find me. Meg: Okay. Hook: Go! (Meg runs away and Hook turns back to where the growing is coming from, and from in the shadows, a three headed dog appears, and slowly Hook begins to step backwards) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret is walking through the cemetery, peering at graves. David follows behind her) David: Mary Margaret. What are What are you doing? We've got a lot of ground to cover. Mary Margaret: (Stops in front of a grave) David, these graves. (Sighs) They're all from my father's kingdom. They were my subjects. I was supposed to protect them. And now how am I supposed to protect our daughter in the Underworld? David: Because you're not doing this alone. Mary Margaret, we will find a way to protect Emma. We always do. Now, come on. She's looking for Hook in the woods just south of here. She's good... but nobody's better at tracking than Bandit Snow. Let's go help her. (They both start walking for a few meters together, when Mary Margaret stops, as she's spotted something.) David: What is it? (Follows Mary Margaret to where she is walking) Mary Margaret? What's wrong? Mary Margaret: (Kneels down in front of a grave and reaches out to touch it) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Enchanted Forest ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the summer palace, a young Snow White and the Evil Queen, are sitting on the thrones in the throne room, as they listen to the villagers problems. Snow White is holding a "wanted" poster with a picture of dead eye on the front) Man: Princess Snow, you must stop him. The bandit and his men... they're terrorizing our villages and roads. Snow White: But my father... he's on a diplomatic mission. I'll send word to him. Man: By the time it reaches him, we will all be dead. We need help now. Evil Queen: Fear not. My stepdaughter will take care of all of you. Snow White: (Looks at the Evil Queen in surprise) I will? Evil Queen: (Looks at Snow White, smiles and nods her head encouragingly) Man: What do we do? People are dying. Princess Snow? Snow White: I'm sorry. (Stands up and begins to run out of the room) I'm so sorry. (Leaves the room and shocked subjects behind) Evil Queen: (Watches Snow White flee with an evil smile on her face.) (The scene switches to Snow White running through the woods. She glances behind her and isn't watching where she is stepping, until she falls into a hole and screams. She grunts as she stands, and begins to immediately try and climb out of the hole, but can't) Snow White: No. Help! Anyone?! Hercules: (Lowers the handle of a sword so he can pull her up) Grab on. I'll pull you up. (Snow White grabs onto the handle, and the young man pulls her up one-handed.) Snow White: Thank you. (She looks stunned when she looks at him) Hercules: You gotta watch out for hunter traps. (Sheathes his sword, also entranced by her) Snow White: I'm Snow White. Hercules: Yes. You certainly are. I'm Hercules. But you can call me Herc. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret is still bending down in front of the same grave, which belongs to Hercules. David is standing next to her) David: (Surprised). You... knew Hercules? Mary Margaret: We were friends when we were kids. David: Define "friends." Mary Margaret: (Chuckles) Do I detect a hint of jealousy? David: Oh, it's not every day your wife tells you that she was friends with a god. Mary Margaret: A demi-god... who also happens to be dead. David: Hey, I'm sorry. I was just giving you a hard time. Mary Margaret: No, I know. I know. David... if he's down here, he has unfinished business. We have to help him find a way to move on. David: At the expense of searching for Hook? Mary Margaret: No, David, think about it. He's... Hercules. He can help us. We save him. He can save us. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma and Henry are somewhere in the woods, Emma frantically searching for Hook) Henry: Mom, we already covered this trail. It was cold. Emma: Then we cover it again, and we keep going until we find a trail that's hot. (Regina and Robin walk up to them, both also been searching the woods) Regina: You think there'd be more of those in the Underworld. There's no sign of Hook in the North Woods. Emma: (Sighs) Well, we have to keep going. Maybe out by the Troll Bridge. Regina: Wait. Emma: What? Regina: There may be a way to make our search quicker. Emma: How? Regina: In Storybrooke, I have schematics... maps... of the whole town. Every last inch of it. Emma: So you think the equivalent maps of this town are here? Regina: Everything else in Bizarro Storybrooke has an analog so far. Emma: (Walks off) Robin Hood: I'm on it. You keep working here. I'll go get you your Intel. Regina: Wait. (Stops Robin) Take Henry. Robin Hood: It might be dangerous. Regina: My mother's gone now. The office should be empty. And no one knows it better than Henry. He'll be fine. You'll be there to protect him. Robin Hood: (Kisses Regina) All right, come on. Let's go. (He and Henry walk off) Regina: All right, let's get back to it. (Turns to see that Emma has already walked away) Emma? Emma: Regina, I found something! Regina: (Catches up with Emma and sees the blood) Blood. Emma: There's a trail of it. It's not dry yet. It's fresh. Killian. (Stands up) Killian?! Killian?! (She runs and follows the trail of the blood, and stops when she sees ruined cloaks) Meg: Not Killian, but I know him. Emma: Who are you? Where's Killian? (Helps Meg up) (In the distance, Cerberus can be heard roaring and the three look in the direction the roar came from.) Meg: We have to get out of here. Regina: What the hell is that? Meg: It's coming. Hide me. We have to go... now! (They disappear in a cloud of smoke due to Emma's magic) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma transports the three of them to Mary Margaret's apartment, which looks un-lived in) Regina: Your parents' apartment? Really? Emma: (Takes a sheet off the couch for Meg) It's the first place I thought of. Here. Lie down. Regina: What if whoever... or whatever... lives here, you know, comes home? Emma: (Picks up a photo in a white frame, which is a picture of Mary Margaret and David) I don't think we have to worry about that. Regina: (Walks forward and takes the photo from Emma) So this place is just waiting for your parents to die so they can move in? Emma: Creepy, but that seems to be the case. I think we're safe here. Regina: It's officially a cold day in hell when I move in with the Charmings. Emma: (Sits down next to Meg) Are you okay? Meg: (Stutters and still clearly shaken) I will be. Emma: And Hook? Meg: I... I don't know. Emma: Where is he? Meg: In an underground prison. I escaped through tunnels. They let out in a cave somewhere in the woods, and... next thing I knew, you found me. Emma: Where is the cave? Could you find it again? Meg: Yes. But it's being guarded by something... terrible. (Gasps in fear) Emma: What's guarding the cave? Meg: It... It has three heads. Its... Its teeth can crush your bones with a single bite. And those eyes... they burn right through your soul as it finishes you off. (Shudders) Nothing can defeat this monster. Mary Margaret: (Enters the apartment with David) That's not true. I know exactly what this beast is... and how we can defeat it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Enchanted Forest ] [SCENE_BREAK] (It's getting near dusk, and Snow White and Hercules are sitting near a small fire somewhere in the woods) Snow White: So, are you really a god? Hercules: Demi-god. My mother was mortal. Snow White: I've never met a demi-anything before. Hercules: I can't join my father on Mount Olympus until I complete my Twelve Labors. Snow White: And then you'll be immortal? Hercules: That's the idea. But as much as I like discussing my family tree, you can't avoid yours forever. Snow White: I can't face anyone until I figure out what to do about the bandits. Hercules: (Stands up, and helps Snow White to her feet) I've got your answer. (Holds out a bow to her) You're gonna fight them. Snow White: Me? I'm not a hero. Hercules: You will be after I train you. Snow White: No. Hercules: (Grabs something from behind him, and opens it, which reveals all his medals from completing his labor's) Snow... you can't let the fear of failing stop you from trying. This medal... it was for the first Labor I ever completed... Defeating the Nemean Lion. I was scared. But I didn't back down. I fought the lion, and I won. And I wouldn't have this medal if I'd been too afraid to try. Snow White: Easy for you to say. Hercules: (Closes the small medal holder and puts it back down) Snow... I'm going to teach you how to stand up to those bandits so they never show their faces in your kingdom again. Snow White: Why are you doing this for me? Hercules: Because you're gonna make a great queen one day. I'm a good judge of character. And also, uh... it gives me an excuse to spend as much time as I can with you before I complete my final Labor. (As he says this, he shows Snow White how to hold the bow properly) I only have a few fleeting moments down here. And I want to enjoy them. (He places the arrow in the bow) Snow White: So, what exactly is your last Labor? Hercules: (Sighs) It's the most difficult one of them all... defeating the three-headed hellhound... Cerberus. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret, Emma and Regina enter the Underworld version of Granny's diner, seeking the Blind Witch's help) Emma: You really think she'll know where he is? Regina: Of course. We need someone who sees everyone. Hey, child-muncher. (Walks over to the counter) We're looking for someone. Blind Witch: Why should I help you, Regina? You burned me alive. Regina: It was Hansel and Gretel. Blind Witch: At your behest, and with your fireball. Regina: Fine. Fine. But you stole my apple. What do you think happens when you steal from a witch, witch? Blind Witch: Fair enough. So, who are you looking for? Mary Margaret: His name's Hercules. Emma: You know, from the myths. Blind Witch: (Chuckles) I know who Hercules is. He comes in here on his lunch break every day. And no matter how hard I try to fatten him up, his muscles are always bulging. It's a shame. He'd make a great Sunday roast. Mary Margaret: Lunch break from where? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Underworld version of the docks, Hercules is moving boats with his strength, and he doesn't realize that Mary Margaret is standing behind him) Mary Margaret: Herc? Hercules: (Turns to face Mary Margaret and looks confused) Mary Margaret: (Walks towards him) You don't recognize me, do you? Hercules: Snow? (Scoffs lightly) (They both hug tightly, happy to see one another) Mary Margaret: You're still so young. When... How did...? Hercules: You mean, uh, how did I die? That's, uh... That... That's not important. What are you doing down here? I mean, how did you...? Mary Margaret: I'm not dead. Um, I came down here to help my daughter. Hercules: You have a daughter? Mary Margaret: And a son. And a grandson, actually. Hercules: (Sighs) You are not a grandmother. Mary Margaret: (Chuckles) Actually... it's kind of a convoluted story, but, um, I am. It's been quite a life. Hercules: Yeah. Yeah, I wish I could say the same. Mary Margaret: (Wipes her tear away)/ I'm so sorry. What if I told you there might be a way for you to leave the Underworld once and for all? Hercules: I never finished my Labors. I can't move on until I do. Mary Margaret: I know. And Cerberus is here. Hercules: Here? Mary Margaret: He's... He's guarding a prison where the man my daughter loves is being held. Hercules: And... Mary Margaret: Hercules, you're the only one strong enough to defeat that beast. It's your destiny. Hercules: Well, that hero died. (Continues on with his job) Mary Margaret: Only if you let him. Don't forget what you taught me. You can't let fear of failure keep you from trying. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Two of Hades's prison guards, throw Hook to the ground in Hades lair. It's clear that Hook is more bloodied and bruised) Hades: Oh, this is going to be quite an exciting day. Hook: (Groans in pain and rolls over slightly) It will be... when I kill you. Hades: (Laughs) Why does everyone say that? You can't kill me. I'm Hades. This... (Chuckling) this is death. Hook: Well, then, I'll find whatever's worse and do it to you. Hades: (Bends down and inspects a puncture wound on Hook's neck) Oh, I see you've... you met my pet. You're about to realize his master is not nearly as friendly. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Robin and Henry have arrived at the city hall, and are outside Regina's office. Henry goes to open the door, but Robin's voice stops him) Robin Hood: Wait. (Goes to open the door himself, but is stopped by magic) Protection spell. Henry: Looks like Grandma Cora left this place locked up. Robin Hood: Not completely. (Moves the sofa aside to reveal an air vent, which he pulls off, before inspecting) Okay. (Stands up and removes his bow and arrow) All right. You stay here. Henry: No. Someone needs to stand guard outside, and only one of us knows where to look in my mom's office. Robin Hood: (Hesitates) Be very careful. (Henry crawls through the vent and when he gets into the office he starts standing up) Cruella De Vil: Hello, darling. Henry: (Stands and looks at her surprised) Cruella. Cruella De Vil: Tell me, how is your mother? Oh, yes, with you, I need to be more specific. How is the one that killed me? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma, Mary Margaret, Regina and Hercules are in the tunnel which leads to Hades's prison, looking for Hook) Emma: This is the tunnel she said she came out of. Hook's in here somewhere. Regina: All right, wonder boy, are you sure you can do this? Mary Margaret: Regina! (Places her hand on Hercules's shoulder in a supportive manner) I know you can do this. Hercules: We'll find your friend. Don't worry. (Starts walking forward) Wait for me here. (Begins walking into the tunnel) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Enchanted Forest ] [SCENE_BREAK] (In a peasant village in Snow White's kingdom, Dead Eye, the Bandit, is taking money from the villagers) Dead Eye: Where's the rest of it? Man: That's all we have. I swear. (An arrow suddenly flies past Dead Eye and lands in the tree beside him. Snow White is standing there and Hercules is beside her.) Snow White: Leave my people alone! Man: Princess Snow, please, help us. Dead Eye: Where's your daddy's army? Snow White: I don't need... an army. Return what you've taken from these people and leave my kingdom... or the next arrow lands in your good eye. Dead Eye: (Chuckles) I'd like to see you try. (Snow White goes to draw an arrow, but instead ends up spilling all her arrows on the ground. She quickly bends down in and attempt to retrieve them. The bandits laugh at her) Dead Eye: (Still laughing, he walks over to Snow White and crushes a couple of her arrows under his boot) Run back to your palace, little girl. These are my woods now. Hercules: (Suddenly drives his fist into the ground, causing the ground to shake. Leave her alone! Or you're going to have to answer to me. Dead Eye: (Stands back up) Your boyfriend won't be around to protect you forever.(Walks away, his group of bandits following) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Enchanted Forest ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the summer palace, Dead Eye walks into the Evil Queen's chambers) Dead Eye: We did exactly what you asked. Evil Queen: (Hands Dead Eye a sack of gold) There's more where this came from. Dead Eye: Are you sure you don't want me to kill her? Evil Queen: I won't turn her into a martyr for these people to worship. No. I have to turn them against her. And these miserable people will finally realize the truth. I am meant to be their queen. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (In the Underworld Mines, Hercules is still making his way through them, looking for Cerberus. A loud growl comes and Hercules drops the sword as Cerberus comes into full view, and he turns and begins to run) Mary Margaret: Herc! Emma: Come on. (The group stops when Hercules runs around the corner, stopping behind them) Emma: Whoa. (The snarling continues, and Mary Margaret goes to draw her bow, when someone whistles, the dogs growling instantly stopping) Regina:What the hell was that? Hades: I called them off. (Steps into view) Emma: Who are you? Hercules: My uncle. Regina: Hades? Hades: Don't look so surprised. (Stops in front of them) Who'd you think was in charge of this place... your mommy? Regina: Well, if this is your realm, maybe you can answer a few questions. Like why does this hell-hole look like Storybrooke? Hades: I have my reasons, and I don't have to share them with you. Hercules: Leave them alone, Uncle. Hades: There's that famous courage people love to talk about. Oh, Hercules, did you really think you could face Cerberus again? Mary Margaret: Again? Hades: (Gasps) You mean he didn't tell you? Mary Margaret: Cerberus killed you. Hercules: Yeah, I didn't want you to know. Snow, I couldn't let you down. Hades: Well, it's nothing to be ashamed of, nephew. After all, losing your life to my little pet is what finally brought us together as family. Mary Margaret: We're not afraid of you. Hades: (Gasps) Oh. Snow White. (Gasps) Or is it Mary Margaret? My nephew said you were a spitfire, but trust me, you should be quite afraid of me because the next time you interfere with my family, I will come after yours. Emma: Bring it. We're not gonna rest until we find Hook. (Steps closer to Hades) Hades: Oh, and that must make you Emma. (Chuckles) Since your pirate likes to send you messages, I told him I would deliver this one personally. (Holds up Killian's bloody hook) Emma: (Looks worried when she sees all the blood) What did you do to him? Hades: It's not what I've already done you should worry about now. It's what I'm about to do. (He drops the hook, before disappearing in blue fire) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Cruella and Henry are still in the mayor's office) Cruella De Vil: So, darling, this is actually quite fortuitous. Henry: What do you want? Cruella De Vil: Why, you, of course. I need your help. You see, Hades, the being that runs this place, has set up the most awful conundrum. For those of us in this ghastly Underworld, we have two choices... Leaving for a better place or a worse one. Henry: I think I know where you'll end up. Cruella De Vil: (Sighs) Charming. Just like your family. And also probably quite correct, which is why I need a third choice... to go back to the real world. Oh, how I miss it. The music, the gin, the glamour... the gin. Henry: You're already dead. No one can change that. Cruella De Vil: Actually, one person can... the Author. Oh, yes, that's you now. Henry:No. The Apprentice told me it's impossible. Cruella De Vil: Because he didn't want you to. But, Henry, you can. The Author's power is far greater than that bearded old man wanted you to believe. Henry: I destroyed the quill. Cruella De Vil: Oh, yes, yes, I know what you did. We hear it all down here. But I'm guessing you don't know much about the quill, do you? The sorcerer bequeathed the quill to all of you, but it is not a simple pen. It is a magical energy. It is a living, breathing entity. Henry: It's alive? Cruella De Vil: Oh, yes. And when you broke it, Henry, you sent it right down here to the Underworld, its purpose unfulfilled. It epitomized unfinished business. And now you are going to find it down here with my help. And you're going to send me right back to our world. Henry: Why would I ever help you? Cruella De Vil: Mm, because, Henry, if I come back to life, guess what happens? The woman who killed me... your mother... Is no longer a murderer. You see? You see, by helping me, Henry, you can restore mommie dearest to the pure soul she once was. You can save her. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret is sitting on a bed in her apartment, when Regina walks up the stairs and stops in front of her) Regina: (Sighs) What are you doing? We have to find Hook. Mary Margaret: I can't help you. Regina: We can't have you quitting. Mary Margaret: I'm not quitting. I'm being practical. Regina: Since when are you practical? Mary Margaret: This is all my fault. I thought I was doing the right thing. Hercules was destined to kill Cerberus. I thought it would help us get to Hook. But now... Regina: Now is not the time to give up. Need I remind you I dedicated years to knocking you down? But nothing could stop you. Mary Margaret: You took my kingdom. Cast your curse. I lost my daughter for 28 years. Regina: And then you found her. You defeated me in a way no one thought was possible. You made me your friend by never giving up on me. So what's the difference this time? Mary Margaret: And how am I supposed to help anyone stand up to Hades when all I have is... speeches about hope? Regina: You're right. Mary Margaret can't help. In fact, we don't need her anymore. We need Snow White. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Enchanted Forest ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Snow White is still in the woods, and is by herself, attempting to snap the bow. Hercules finds her, and rushes over to Snow, seeing what she is attempting to do) Hercules: What are you doing? Snow White: (Sighs) I'm done, Herc. I tried to be a leader, but I am not cut out to be one. Regina will make a better queen than I could ever hope to be. Hercules: So you're just going to abandon your kingdom? Snow White: I don't want to be Snow White anymore. Hercules: That's a shame because I was really starting to like her. Snow White: I was crazy to think that I could stand up to those bandits. Hercules: No one wins every battle, Snow, especially their first. Snow White: You did. Hercules: Can you keep a secret? My first Labor nearly killed me. It's the truth. The Nemean Lion. Do you know why no one could kill it? 'Cause his fur was impenetrable, like steel. With every blow I struck, all I did was blunt my sword. Snow White: So how did you defeat it? Hercules: When I had exhausted myself and I thought that the beast was going to kill me, I accidentally dropped my torch. I set the brush surrounding us on fire. The flames singed the lion's fur from his body. Snow White: He wasn't invincible anymore. Hercules: And I slayed him. Don't you see? If I hadn't failed, I never would have figured out how to succeed. Snow White: Okay. (Exhales) So, how do I stop these bandits? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Hercules is back doing his job at he docks, when Mary Margaret arrives and drops his sword on the ground) Mary Margaret: Pick it up. Hercules: It's pointless, Snow. (Walks over to a boat and puts down two anchors he was carrying) I can't defeat Cerberus. We're just going to antagonize my uncle. Mary Margaret: Well, that's a chance we're going to have to take. Herc, how did Cerberus kill you? Hercules: Why does it matter? Mary Margaret: Because... Because that is the only way we're gonna figure out how to defeat him next time. Hercules: (Sighs) He has three heads, Snow. Okay, when I would face one, no matter how valiantly I fought, the other two would attack. I never should have fought that beast alone. Mary Margaret: Well, that's it. That's why you're going to win this time. You're not going to fight him alone. Hercules: You want to face Cerberus with me? Mary Margaret: Herc, I became that hero you always believed I could be. And we are going to fight that three-headed beast, and we are going to win. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma and Meg are still sat on the couch, whilst Regina and David are keeping an eye on things. David is looking at the window, when he clearly sees something that concerns him) David: Regina? (Quickly steps away from the window) Regina: What is it? Did Mary Margaret talk Muscles into giving it another go? David: I don't think so. (Glass shatters from upstairs and Emma's bed comes crashing down on to the kitchen counter. Emma and Meg instantly jump up from the couch, as it's Cerberus) Emma: Run! Just go! (The four quickly run out of the apartment and into the hallway, all quickly fleeing down the stairs) Emma: Let me guess the Cerberus? (Just as the group manages to clear out of the hallway, Cerberus bursts through the door) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Enchanted Forest ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Back in the same village, Dead Eye is once again terrorizing the villagers) Dead Eye: (Spots a necklace on an old woman) What do we have here? (Snatches it from her) Snow White: Give it back! Dead Eye: Princess Snow. Snow White: Give that woman her necklace. Then leave here and never come back. Dead Eye: I seem to remember you delivering a similar warning yesterday. Snow White: Give that woman her necklace. (Shoots an arrow, which hits a tree). Dead Eye: (Laughs) Careful. Snow White: (Loads another arrow into the bow and points it at Dead Eye's weapon, before shooting it out of his hand) Dead Eye: What the...? Snow White: (Loads another arrow onto the bow) Lower your weapons. Or do I need to disarm all of you? (The villagers courage also comes, and they pick up objects and point them at the bandits in a threatening manner) Dead Eye: You think you're tough, Princess? This isn't over. Snow White: Yeah, it is. (Dead Eye drops the woman's necklace, and one of his men drops the sack of coins he is holding. Dead Eye then picks up his sword, before retreating, his bandits following him. Snow White sighs as she lowers her arrow, the villagers cheering. Snow and Hercules laugh as they hug one another) Snow White: I did it! (Chuckles) Hercules: I knew you could do it. Snow White: (Sighs) Thanks to you. Hercules: I guess you don't need me to train you anymore. Snow White: Does this mean you're going to leave to defeat Cerberus? Hercules: Do you want to come? Snow White: I'd love to. But, Herc... I think my people need me more right now. Hercules: You're gonna make an amazing queen. Snow White: And Olympus will be lucky to have a hero like you. (They look at one another for a few moments, before kissing gently) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma, David, Regina and Meg meet Mary Margaret and Hercules on one of the main streets.) Mary Margaret: Are you okay? What happened? David: Cerberus. He found us. Mary Margaret: Where's the prisoner? Emma: She ran when the hellhound attacked. We gave her a head start, but there was only so long we could hold it off. Mary Margaret: (Sighs) We should split up. We have to find her before that monster does. David: Go. (Emma, David and Regina run off in one direction, whilst Mary Margaret and Hercules make their way towards the clock tower) Mary Margaret: Come on. (Meg is crouched by the clock tower, clearly scared. Mary Margaret sees her and draws her arrow, both her and Hercules making their way towards Meg) Meg: You shouldn't be here. Mary Margaret: We're here to help. (The growling gets louder and suddenly Meg's eyes widen and she points to Cerberus, who is now in full view) Meg: He found us. Hercules: What now? Mary Margaret: (Spots the library) We get her in there. Hercules: (Helps Meg to her feet) Come on. (The three of them run into the library to hide from Cerberus and they try to keep away from the windows.Cerberus prowls outside looking for them) Hercules: Any bright ideas? Mary Margaret: We hit all three heads at once. (One of the windows shatters and Meg screams) Hercules: How are we gonna do that? Mary Margaret: With her help. Give her your dagger. Hercules: (Holds his dagger out for Meg) Meg: (Doesn't take it) No, no, I can't do that. Mary Margaret: Yes, you can. (The door to the library bangs, and the three jump back in shock, as Cerberus has found where they are hiding) Mary Margaret: You can. You have to try. (Meg finally takes the dagger from Hercules, and Hercules quickly searches for another weapon. He ends up snapping a pipe off an air vent) Mary Margaret: Ready? (The door to the library bursts open and Cerberus enters.) Mary Margaret: Now! (Mary Margaret shoots one of the heads with her arrows, while Meg and Hercules stab the other heads with their weapons. After a moments, Cerberus disappears in a cloud of black smoke. Meg begins chuckling before she begins to faint) Hercules: Whoa. Hey, hey. Hey. (Catches her, before she stands back up, breathing heavily) Meg: I guess I'm not used to all that excitement. Hercules: I'm Hercules. Meg: Megara. But my friends call me Meg. Hercules: Thanks for the assist, Meg. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Granny's diner, Meg is sitting at a table with a blanket around her shoulders, and Hercules sits in front of her, studying Meg. Emma, Mary Margaret, David and Regina watch on-wards) Hercules: I... I think we've met before. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Enchanted Forest ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Meg is being chased by Cerberus, and she crashes into Hercules, who is out hunting Cerberus) Meg: Please! Please! (Panting) Hercules: Hey, what is it? Meg: It's the monster! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Still in Granny's diner) Meg: You're... you're the boy that tried to save me. Hercules: (Sighs) "Tried"? (Chuckles sadly.) Meg: I'm afraid Cerberus got me... right after he got you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Enchanted Forest ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Hercules and Meg are still talking while Cerberus approaches) Hercules: Run. Run. Meg: No, he'll kill you. Hercules: I don't care. Now,go! (Meg runs and Cerberus appears in front of Hercules, who charges at the hellhound) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Meg and Hercules are still sitting together in Granny's diner) Hercules: I'm so sorry, Meg, I... Meg: What for? You may not have saved me back then, but you made up for it now. (Holds his hand) Thank you. David: Looks like Herc found a new friend. Mary Margaret: Mm. Maybe defeating Cerberus wasn't Hercules' only piece of unfinished business. Maybe he needed to save her, too. Emma: You okay? Mary Margaret: Yeah. (Sighs) You didn't know me in the Enchanted Forest, Emma, but... I was someone who took risks even when she was afraid. I was someone who... I guess, inspired people. An old enemy reminded me of that. I just don't want to ever run the risk of forgetting who I was again. David: What are you saying, Mary Margaret? Mary Margaret: I'm saying I don't want to be Mary Margaret anymore. I want to be Snow White again. Regina: Well, it's about time. David: I think we can make that happen... Snow. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Robin is still waiting for Henry to come out of Regina's office, as he bends down near the air shaft) Robin Hood: Henry. Henry, are you all right? Henry: Yeah. (Climbs out of the vent) Robin Hood: Did you find anything? Henry: Uh, no. Nothing. Dead end. Robin Hood: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma, Mary Margaret, David and Regina are in the fire room, as Hercules and Meg prepare to cross to the other side) Meg: Do you think you can get to the prison through the tunnels? Emma: Yes, thanks to your map. Meg: If it weren't for Hook, I'd still be rotting in that cell. You'll tell him that I did the right thing? That he was right to trust me? Emma: I will. Thank you. Hercules: Are you sure you don't want us to stay and help? Mary Margaret: I think you've been down here long enough. And if you don't cross before your uncle finds you, who knows what he'll do? Hercules: I was right. You became an amazing hero. (Steps forward and hugs Mary Margaret) (Hercules and Meg hold hands and begin to cross over the bridge. Olympus appears on the other side) Meg: What is it? Hercules: Olympus. (Hercules and Meg both chuckle, before crossing over. The clock ticks.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Underworld ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook is leaning against Hades's clock on the ground, still bloodied and bruised, as Hades walks towards him) Hades: The prisoner you aided in escape... she moved on from this realm. Hook: Good for her. Hades: (Magically produces a chiseling tool) Hook: Get on with it, then. Hades: Oh, this? Oh, this? No. This isn't for you. (Chuckles) It's for your friends. (Forces Hook to take it) Yeah. Hook: What in the bloody hell am I supposed to do with this? Hades: Simple accounting, really. At first, I wanted your friends to leave. I really had such a smooth-running operation going here before they arrived, but now I've decided they've caused too much damage, so my vindictive side... Did you know I have one? It wants to punish them. So, from now on, for every soul your friends free, one of them is going to have to stay. And, Captain... you get to decide who. Hook: (Looks shocked, conflicted and saddened) [SCENE_BREAK] [ End of episode ]

After a prisoner is sent by Hook to tell Emma that he is alive, a creature known as Cerberus begins pursuing the outsiders. This prompts Mary Margaret to turn to the only person who can defeat the creature, Hercules, as she learns that he has unfinished business and is therefore in the Underworld. Back in the Enchanted Forest, he was responsible for giving her the courage to fight back against the Evil Queen's bandits. When the outsiders learn that he has lost that confidence, Mary Margaret decides it's time for him to restore it as they square off against Cerberus and, with the help of the prisoner, kill the creature, giving Hercules and the prisoner, revealed to be Megara, their tickets out. In the process, Regina convinces Mary Margaret to again become Snow White, the woman who took risks before the original curse. A furious Hades vows to make the outsiders pay by forcing Hook to choose which living souls will stay behind as recompense for the souls they've redeemed. Meanwhile, Henry encounters Cruella, who wants him, in his role as The Author, to resurrect and return her to the world of the living, so that Emma's soul will no longer be branded a murderer's, but he keeps this offer to himself.

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Ted from 2030: It was May of 2006 in New York City and life was good. But everything was about to change. At the Bar Ted: So... what do you think? Barney: Robin again? Ted, the universe clearly does not want you and Robin to be together. Don't piss off the universe. The universe will slap you. Ted: But don't you think the universe has more important things to worry about than my dating life? Marshall: Unless your dating life is the glue holding the entire universe together... Whoa. Chills. Anybody else get chills? Ted: Look, I realize we've been down this road before, but the fact is, whatever I do, it all keeps coming back to Robin, so... I gotta do this. (Barney slaps him) Ow! What the hell? Barney: That wasn't me. That was the universe. Ted from 2030: The funny thing was, at that very moment, the universe was working on something... a storm. At Metro News One Weather man: And so tropical storm Willy is going to be with us at least until Monday. It's gonna rain cats and dogs, folks. So don't step in a poodle. Sandy? Robin? Robin: Thanks, Lou. Boy, too bad. Our big Metro News One camping trip was going to be this weekend. Sandy: Yeah, but camping out in the rain? No fun. Muddy. Yuck. Robin: Guess we'll have to take a rain check. Sandy: And we'll check in with you tomorrow, New York. Robin: Have a great night. Man: And, we're clear. Sandy: Bummer. I was hoping to finally have s*x with you this weekend, Scherbotsky. Robin: Well, I'd give you the "I don't date coworkers" speech again, but, God, you must have that sum'bitch memorized by now. Sandy: Shame, though. It was a pretty hot show tonight. The rhythmic give and take of our improvised banter there at the end really got my freak juice flowing. At the Bar Marshall: Dude, he's right. How many times do you have to watch this crash and burn before you say, "enough"? Ted: One more. One more time. One more big, beautiful, stupid romantic gesture. And then, whatever she says, yes or no, that's it. If it's yes, great. If it's no, then I am done going after Robin forever. Lily: So what's this big, beautiful romantic gesture? Ted: I am going to make her... a mix CD. No, I'm kidding. I got a plan. Lily, I'm going to need the spare key to Robin's apartment. Barney: I see where this is going. Ted, waiting naked in a girl's bed wearing whipped cream undies does not work... usually. The setting-- Martha's Vineyard, 1999. The characters: Yours truly and a raven-haired au pair by the name... (Lily slaps him) Lily: Universe. So, this plan you speak of? Ted: Remember the first night Robin and I went out? I stole a blue French horn for her and it almost worked. Marshall: Yeah. Dude, that was awesome, but how are you ever going to top that? At Robin's appartment (Ted is waiting for Robin, with a small orchestra) Ted: She should be here any second. Musician: Uh, we're pretty hungry. When do we get our pizza? Ted: Enough with the... we'll go get pizza later, all right? Just... (On the other side of the entry door, Robin is looking for her keyes) Robin: Damn it. (Ted sees the keyes on the coffee table) Lily: Hello. Robin: Hey, Lily, I'm locked out of my apartment. I need to come pick up my extra key. Lily: Extra key? Do I have an extra key to your apartment? Robin: Yes, I gave it to you. Lily: Oh, right. That key. Yeah, I lost it. Robin: Great, now I gotta go to the locksmith. Lily: No, wait, uh... Maybe you should just knock. Robin: Knock? Lily, my dogs aren't that well trained. (Marshall comes in their appartment andlistens to the voice mails) Voice mail: Hello, Lily, this is Janet Kagan at the Russell House Art Foundation here in San Francisco. I'm pleased to inform you that we've accepted your application for our summer fellowship. We look forward to hearing from you. Bye-bye. Lily: Uh, Robin, I-I gotta go. Just knock, okay? Marshall: Summer fellowship? Robin: Just knock. Okay. (Robin knocks, and Ted opens the entry door) Ted: Hi. Robin: Hi. Ted: Robin... I've sort of said this already. I mean I've half said it. I've tried to say it, and I've said it badly. So this is me, just saying it. With strings. I'm crazy about you. I think we should be together. What do you say? What do you say? Robin: Yes. No. I don't know. Ted: Those are the three options. Robin: Ted, this is so... Ted: I know. Robin: I mean, I come home, I was going to watch Jeopardy and there's a string quartet and... I have to pee. Ted: Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, well, go ahead. We'll, uh, we'll wait. (Robin goes to the loo) Musician: Yeah, 'cause when we talked earlier, you said there'd be pizza. Ted: No, I said I'd get you a pizza afterwards. Look, could we talk about this later? I'm sort of professing my love here. Musician: Sure. We're not getting any pizza. (Robin comes back) Robin: Okay. Let's talk. Ted: Okay. Oh, hey, you guys want to take five? Robin: Thanks, guys. Just need a minute. Sort of a big life decision. Love the blue instruments, though. Kind of an inside joke. Thanks. (The musicians leave) You're crazy. Ted: Right. Come on. Robin: It's not that I haven't thought about this. You know that I have, but let's look at this, okay? We only just started being friends again. Ted: I know. But... come on... Robin: And we want different things. That's still there. That's not going away. I mean, what if we do this and it doesn't work out and I'd lose you as a friend? I gotta think about this. Ted: Okay, fine. Think about it on the plane. Let's go to Paris for the weekend. I'm serious. I'm kidding. I'm serious. Robin: I can't go to Paris, I'm going camping. Ted: I thought that thing was canceled. Robin: Well, it's back on. Ted: Since when? Robin: Since like an hour ago. [FLASHBACK] Weather man:..sending the storm back out into the Atlantic. So it's blue skies this weekend. Sandy? Robin? Sandy: Thanks, Lou, but that blue sky isn't without at least one cloud. I'm sorry to announce that one week from today I will be leaving Metro News One. It has been an honor to bring you the news each night, and read the paper to you each morning. I will always treasure it. Good night, New York. Man: And we're clear. Robin: You're leaving? Sandy: There. I quit my job. We're not coworkers. Will you please have dinner with me? I'm joking. I got offered a job at CNN. Robin: Oh, congratulations. Sandy: Congratulations yourself. Robin: What do you mean? Sandy: Well, Joel asked me who I thought should replace me as lead anchor. I told him you. They're announcing it next week. Act surprised. Robin: Wow. Thanks. And, yes. Sandy: Yes, what? Robin: Yes, let's go get dinner. Sandy: How about this weekend on the camping trip? I roast a mean weenie. [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: Oh, you're kidding me. No way. Don't go on this thing. Robin: Ted, I have to go. It's a company camping trip. Ted: Really? Because it also kinda sounds like a date. With Sandy... and his weenie. I mean is this not a date? Robin: I don't-I don't know. Ted: So, what? You actually like this guy now? Robin: I don't know. Ted: Are you gonna hook up with him? Robin: I don't know. Ted: Yes, you do. Robin: No, Ted, I don't. And you know what? That's okay. I don't plan out every second of my life like you do. Ted: I don't plan out every... Robin: Oh, really? What is all of this? I mean, why can't you just say, "Hey, Robin, let's go get some sushi?" No, it has to be a-a string quartet and-and Paris and flowers and chocolates and let's spend the rest of our lives together. Ted: Don't you think we're a little bit past sushi at this point? God, you are so terrified of anything real. It's like you're floating out in space. Touch the ground, Robin. Live in the world, make a mistake. Make this mistake. Robin: I need to think about this. Ted: Fine. Robin: No, I'm sorry, I... I can't do this anymore. I need an answer. Ted: If you want me to say yes right now, I-I can't do that. Robin: Well, if it's not yes, then it's a no. Ted: Then I guess it's not meant to be. At the Bar Barney: Nice try, buddy. Good hustle out there. Marshall: Look at the bright side. At least you got some closure. She's made her choice and you can finally move on. Ted: Screw that. This ain't over. Marshall: Ted, you sat here in this very booth and you said... Ted: I don't care what I said. This is gonna happen. She can't say it's not meant to be. It is meant to be, and you know why? 'Cause I mean it to be. (Ted goes away, Barney is following him) Lily: Unpause? Marshall: Unpause. Ted from 2030: Let's pause. See, Marshall and Lily had a rule that at any point during a fight they could pause and take a break. Their fights often lasted for days. Marshall: A painting fellowship? Lily: I was never going to take it. Marshall: In California? Lily: I was never going to take it. Barney: Ted, she is going on that camping trip. Dude, barring some act of God, Robin's gonna be with Sandy this weekend. Ted: Fine. If an act of God is what it takes, then an act of God it is. Barney: What are you talking about? Ted: I'm gonna make it rain. I can't let Robin go camping with this guy. So how do I keep that from happening? Simple... I make it rain! Barney: Ted, do you want me to slap you again? 'Cause I kind of enjoyed it the first time. Ted: Look, I-I might be crazy right now... No, you know what? I am definitely crazy right now, but I have a plan. That girl you used to go out with, Penelope, wasn't she getting her PhD in Native American culture? Barney: Yeah. Ted: Are you still in touch with her? Barney: Sure. I mean, even though we stopped having s*x, we still get together, like, once a month to chat and catch up, and of course I'm not in touch with her! Ted: Well, you're gonna need to get in touch with her. She's gonna teach me how to do a rain dance. Barney: Did you just say a "rain dance"? Ted: Yes. Barney: A rain dance. Ted: Yes. Barney: A dance to make it rain. Ted: Yes. (Barney slaps him once again and Ted slaps him back. Barney tries again to slaps Ted but he stops him) We're finding Penelope! Barney: No, we are not! Ted: Yes, we are! Barney: Ted, you're forcing me to be the voice of reason, and it's not a good look for me! (They both leave the Bar) [SCENE_BREAK] Inside a library Penelope: Why the hell should I help you? Barney: Come on, I know it didn't work out between us, but we did... have a relationship. Penelope: We had s*x twice in your car, and then you dumped me. How is that a relationship? Barney: Twice! Penelope: Barney, there is no way... Barney: Shh! Penelope: Seriously, come on. Ted: Penelope, I really need to make it rain this weekend. Penelope: Why? Ted: There's this girl... Penelope: "There's this girl." You know, the traditional rain dance is a sacred prayer to nature. I don't think the Great Spirit looks too kindly on white dudes who co-opt it to get laid. Ted: Penelope, this is the girl I love. If it doesn't rain this weekend, she's gonna end up with the wrong guy. Please. Penelope: This wrong guy, is he a huge jackass? Ted: Absolutely. Penelope: Kind of like Barney? Ted: Kind of. Barney: Hey. Penelope: You hit on my mom! Barney: We weren't exclusive! Penelope: I'm in. Ted from 2030: And so the three of us headed up to the roof of my building. On top of the roof of Ted's building (Barney is drinking a beer while Penelope is teaching Ted how to dance a rain dance) Penelope: Okay. Crouch down and bend over a little bit. Barney: Wow, it took five shots of tequila to get you in that position. Penelope: I will throw you off this roof. Barney: There's so much of your mom in you. Robin is at the veterinary with her dog Robin: And she's been throwing up ever since. Veterinary: So how'd she manage to eat so much chocolate? Robin: Remember that guy, Ted, that I was telling you about? Well, I came home and I found him waiting in my apartment with a string quartet and roses and chocolates... Veterinary: Oh, that's so sweet. Robin: Okay, yes, it's sweet in theory, but isn't it also kind of crazy? I mean, a string quartet in my living room... who does that? Veterinary: Nobody does that. Robin: Exactly. Veterinary: No, honey... nobody does that. But I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic. I'm gonna put my hand up your dog now. At the appartment (Marshall and Lily are fighting) Lily: So you're saying you would forbid me from going? Marshall: Forbid? Who said forbid? I was just reminding you that there's this wedding coming up in a couple of months, and I was kind of hoping you'd save the day. Look for me... I'll be the guy in the awesome suit. Come on, Lily. It's what you've always wanted. Lily: Yeah, but there's a lot of things I've always wanted, and I haven't done any of them. I'm sorry. I just need to do this before settling down forever. Marshall: So now we've gone from "I was never gonna do it" to "I need to do this"? Did I leave the room at some point? When did that happen? Lily: Oh, maybe when you said you wouldn't let me do it. Marshall: I never said that! You know, if you're having these kind of doubts now, what's gonna change in three months? Maybe we just shouldn't get married at all. Lily: Maybe not. Marshall: Pause. Lily: So, are you just, like, starving? Marshall: Totally. Red Lobster? Lily: Oh, lobster, lobster, lobster, you are delicious! Marshall: Oh, God, I love butter sauce! There's nothing bad about it. Say something bad about butter sauce, I dare you. Lily: I wouldn't dare. (Marshall starts crying) Marshall, no. We're on pause. There's no crying in Pauseland! Pauseland is a magical place, with... with popcorn shrimp mountains and butter sauce rivers! Damn it! Waiters: Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy birthday, happy, happy, happy, happy, appy, happy birthday, happy, happy... On top of the rooftop of Ted's building (Ted is dancing) Barney: Ted, this is funny. Still funny. Still fu... And now it's sad. Ted: Hey, Penelope, you sure I'm doing this right? Penelope: I think so. Ted: Does it, uh, look anything like a real rain dance? Penelope: I think so. Ted: Hey, Penelope, have you, uh, have you ever actually seen a rain dance performed? Penelope: No. Ted: No? Penelope: I've read extensively on the subject: firsthand accounts, theoretical criticism, the anthropological... Ted: Have you ever seen a rain dance? Penelope: I've seen a film strip. Ted: Terrific. Uh, look, I should run. I'm getting brain surgery from some guy who's seen a couple episodes of E.R. I can't believe this. We've been up here for the past hour making complete asses of ourselves. Penelope: What do you mean "we," white man? At the appartment Marshall: How did we get here? Couple of days ago, the biggest problem in my life was, did Ted eat the last pudding snack pack in the fridge. Lily: I think there's still one left. Marshall: Dibs. Lily: Unpause? Marshall: Unpause. Lily: Look... I know this sucks. It's just something I'm going through. I'm not asking you to understand it. I'm not asking you to be happy about it. I'm just asking you to support it. Marshall: I want to, Lily, okay? I really do. But I just can't. Lily: Why not? Marshall: Because you're scaring the hell out of me, that's why not. What if you decide to go be a painter and then you realize I don't fit in to your life anymore, and three months becomes forever? Can you promise me that that's not gonna happen? Lily: Marshall... Marshall: 'Cause if you can't promise me that, we shoul just break up right now. I'm not gonna wait around for three months just to have my heart ripped out. Lily: Marshall, I love you. Marshall: Can you promise me that that's not gonna happen? Lily: Pause. Marshall: No, Lily, we cannot pause this anymore. Can you promise me that that's not gonna happen?! Lily: Pause! Marshall: Why do you want me to pause?! (She throws herself on him et kisses him) That's just a great use of the pause function, baby. Lily: Thank you. On top of the rooftop of Ted's building Barney: Hey, Ted. Whatcha doing? Ted: A rain dance. Barney: Dude, that's not a rain dance, that's a fat kid with a bee in his pants. Ted: Look, I highly doubt the Great Spirit is a stickler for choreography. It's the thought that counts. She's leaving in half an hour. Barney: These are your awesome years. You're wasting them on this girl. This isn't gonna work! Ted: Yeah. I know that. Barney: Well, then why are you doing this? Ted: Because I love her. I love her! I told her that the first night we went out, and here it is, eight months later, and nothing's changed. So yes, I know this isn't gonna work. But it has to work! You hear me, universe? This is Ted Mosby talking! Give me some rain! Come on! Come on! Come on...! (Rain starts falling down) Barney: Oh, come on! In the street Weather man: Pushing the front back into the Tri-State area and giving Manhattan one of its worst storms in over a decade. At the Bar Barney: How about that? He did it. (Barney and Penelope kiss) In front of Robin's building (Ted goes out of a taxi et calls Robin while the rain is still falling down) Ted: Robin! Hey, Robin! (Robin opens up her window) Oh, thank God you're here! Robin: My camping trip got rained out. Ted: I know. I'm sorry. Robin: It's not your fault. Ted: Yeah, it is. Come down here. Robin: It's pouring. You come up. Ted: No, you have to come down here. Robin: Why? Ted: Why? Because I made it rain, that's what I did today! And that's enough. I-I've done my part. Now, get down here! Robin: I'm not dressed, Ted. No. Come up. Ted: I'm not coming up there, Robin, I'm not. You have to come down here! (She closes her window, opens her entry door et finds Ted there) Robin: I was gonna... Ted: I know. (They kiss) Ted from 2030: And that's how Robin and I ended up together. Turns out, all I had to do was make it rain. As I rode home the next morning, the city looked the same, the people looked the same. It all looked the same. But it wasn't. In just one night, everything had changed. (Ted arrives in front of his building and finds Marshall sitting down the stairs, with Lily's engagement ring in his hand)

Ted ultimately decides that he wants to pursue Robin instead of the woman at the matchmaking service, and ultimately tries to win her heart by going to great lengths to romance her. Meanwhile, Marshall worries about his relationship with Lily when he learns of her acceptance to the art fellowship in San Francisco. As Ted tries to learn a rain dance in order to impress Robin, Marshall discovers that Lily left him for the fellowship.

fd_Charmed_02x02

fd_Charmed_02x02_0

[Scene: Halliwell manor. Kitchen. Piper brings in the groceries. She's holding her shoe. Prue and Phoebe smell something.] Phoebe: What did you buy? Piper: Doody. Prue: We weren't out of that. Piper: No, I stepped in it again. That man has turned our front walk into a puppy mine field. Phoebe: I can not believe that guy still let's his dog do his business right in front of our house. Prue: Yeah, well, we've left notes. Piper: And gotten no where. Phoebe: Yeah, well, I've had it. The next time I catch him in the act, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. (A dog barks.) Piper: That couldn't be. Phoebe: Oh, I hope it is. (They run to the window.) Piper: That's them. That's the guy and his dog. I can't believe it. Prue: That is so rude. He's just gonna walk away. Phoebe: Then don't let him. Use your magic. Well, if you can't teach the dog new tricks, how about the owner. Just think the money we'd save on carpet cleaning alone. Prue: Phoebe, we can't use our magic just to teach him or anybody else a lesson. Phoebe: Why not? It's for the greater good, I mean, I mean, that's our job, right? Think of it as community service. We'd be doing our whole block a favour. Come on. (She opens a window.) Okay, Piper. Piper: I hope he's not out of my range. (She freezes the guy.) Phoebe: Prue ... (Prue flicks the poo on his shoe.) Nice shot. (He unfreezes.) An eye for an eye, a shoe for a shoe. (The guy sees the poo on his shoe and tries to wipe it off. He looks around.) Prue, Piper, Phoebe: Ooh! (They duck.) Prue: Did he see you? Phoebe: So what if he did? What's he gonna do? Cry witch? (The guy walks off.) Well, we've done our good deed for the day. I think I deserve fifteen minutes of channel surfing. Piper: Who wants coffee? Prue: I'll grind. (Prue and Piper go to the kitchen. Phoebe sits on the couch and turns on the TV. A news report about Cal Greene shows up. Phoebe has a premonition. She makes a noise and Prue and Piper come in.) Prue: Phoebe, are you okay? Piper: Take a deep breath, honey, it's alright. Phoebe: No, it's not. I saw my future. I was being executed. Burnt alive. Opening Credits [Scene: Halliwell manor. Continued from before.] Piper: Why would a report about a baseball player trigger a premonition like that? Phoebe: I don't know. All I know is I could feel it, I could feel the fire. Piper: And we were just standing there? That can't be right. Phoebe: That's what I saw. Prue: There's no way that we would let that happen, not in the past, present or future. Phoebe: What did I do? Or what is it that I'm going to do? (The doorbell rings.) Piper: That's Leo. I'll get that. (She opens the door.) Hey, stranger. Leo: Is that what I am now? Piper: Playing hooky? Leo: No, they're making me work tonight so I've got the afternoon off. (They hug.) Piper: The old 'I gotta save the world' excuse again? Leo: Like you've never had to use it. Piper: Ahh... Leo: You're about to use it. Piper: Well, there's just something I have to do. Maybe you could ... (The whitelighters make a noise to call Leo.) Leo: Now? Piper: Uh ... Leo? Leo: It's okay, uh, you go. There's actually something I have to take care of. Piper: Well, we really need to talk about things, you know, where we stand. Leo: Yeah, we do. Rain check? Piper: That's what we do best. (They kiss. Leo orbs out in the middle of the kiss.) I hate when he does that. [Cut to the attic. Leo appears. He starts flipping through the pages in the Book of Shadows. He hears Piper, Prue and Phoebe coming up the stairs.] Prue: So, what did he want? (Leo disappears. The pages on the book keep turning.) Piper: He cancelled our date. He's working again. Phoebe: You didn't ask him what to do? Piper: He had to fly ... literally. The pages were doing that flipping thing on their own again. (They look at what the page says.) Prue: It's a spell to take us to the future. Piper: Two actually. One to send us, one to bring us home. But apparently we only get one shot. Once we use it they disappear. Phoebe: Wait a minute, you guys. We almost died going back to the past. This is not something that you just do. Prue: We're talking about your life, Phoebe. Phoebe: And I'm talking about yours, Prue. I'm just saying I think we should think this over a little bit. Prue: Look, you had that premonition today for a reason. It must mean that we're supposed to do something about it. And going to the future might be the only way to find out what you did to put you on that pyre. Phoebe: How do you know it's something that I did? I mean, it might be a demon or a warlock that puts me there. Prue: Do you really want to wait to find out? Okay, pack your bags, we go, try to figure out what happened and hopefully come back with enough information to stop it. We're gonna need a date, Phoebe. Phoebe: February 12, 2009. That's two weeks before the date I saw in my premonition. Prue: Alright, that should give us more than enough time to figure out what put you there. Piper: I wonder how I look? Phoebe: Piper, you look great but this is hardly the time ... Piper: Not now. In the future. When we went back to the seventies we saw ourselves as kids and now we'll be seeing ourselves walk around ten years older. All that vanquishing. Think of the wear and tear. Prue: Okay. (She lights a match and burns the paper.) "Hear these words, hear the rhyme." Piper: "We send to you this burning sign." Phoebe: "Then our future selves will find." Prue: "In another place and time." (They disappear. Piper wakes up on the couch in the manor. A little girl runs in.) Girl: Mummy, mummy, mummy. Piper: Uh, I think you have the wrong house. Certainly the wrong mummy. Girl: Stop fooling. (She hugs Piper. A car honks.) Car pool. (She runs off. Piper looks in the mirror.) Piper: Ooh. (She sees a wedding ring on her finger.) Ooh! (A report about Phoebe shows up on the TV.) Phoebe. Where's the volume? (She looks around for a remote. The sound gets louder by itself.) Reporter: More news on the execution of Phoebe Halliwell coming up in just a moment. Now back to your regular scheduled programming MTV's real world eighteen on the moon. Girl: Mum, I'm gonna be late. Piper: Okay, uh, TV shut up. Mute. Something. (She walks to the door.) Neighbour: Morning, Piper. You alright? Piper: I guess. Neighbour: Yeah, with your sister, it's rough, I know. So, don't worry about your little one. I'll get her to school like you asked but uh, are you sure you want me to take her to your ex's? Piper: Ex? As in husband? As in mine? Yes, if that is what I told you, then yes. Neighbour: So, you and him are getting along better now? Piper: Maybe. Prue? Prue? Neighbour: Okay, let's hit the road. (The girl whispers to Piper.) Girl: Don't worry, mummy. I promise I'll do what you ask. I won't use my magic again ever. (Piper goes outside and watches them drive off. A limo pulls up. Prue and her assistants get out of the limo. They fuss over her by brushing and touching her.) Prue: Hey, hey. Okay, enough! People stop touching me. Stay, stay, stay. Piper: Prue, what's going on? Prue: I don't know, but I could really get used to this. Check me out. I don't just work at Bucklands, I own it. And three more. Paris, Tokyo and London. Piper: And you're blonde. Prue: Yeah, strange. Piper: Wait, you had time to go to work already? Prue: Well, actually, I woke up there but it was amazing. I had all these assistants and this huge office and I have a chauffeur and he's so totally hot. How'd you do? (Piper laughs.) Is that a good thing or ...? (They walk inside.) Piper: Well, if you ignore my apparently failed marriage and the fact that I still live in the manor. Prue: You are married? Piper: Was. My daughter is on her way ... Prue: Wait. Stop right there. You have a daughter? Piper: Yeah, and, and, and she's beautiful. (Piper shows her a photo.) Prue: Of course she is. What's her name? Piper: Oh God. I don't know. But she has powers. But for some reason I told her not to use them. Why would I do that? Prue: Speaking of why ... Why are we in our future bodies? I mean, I thought we were supposed to come here and see them. Piper: Well, apparently going to the past isn't the same as going to the future. I just wish that since we are in our future bodies that we could have some memory of what's happened in the last ten years, like how I got a daughter. Prue: Okay, wait a second, if I'm in my future body and you are in your future body then that means that Phoebe ... Piper: TV ... louder, louder. (The volume on the TV gets louder.) Reporter: ... execution is less than eight hours away until the burning of Phoebe Halliwell. The witch accused of murdering Cal Greene six months ago. Piper: Eight hours? We were supposed to be here two weeks before. Prue: Shh ... Reporter: Let's go there now live where Sierra Stone is standing by. Sierra ... Sierra: San Francisco district attorney, Nathaniel Pratt, who's discovery of the witch last August, has made an early favour for the governor's seat, just came out to make a statement. Let's listen in. Nathaniel: This is a reflection of our citizens resolved to fair it out, the hidden evil. To turn fear into fight, and to band together as one. To cleanse our city of its greatest threat. Tonight, Phoebe Halliwell will burn for her crime. In which she does, let that be a warning to other witches out there. You're next. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Halliwell manor. Attic.] Prue: Oh, surprise. Here we go, up the stairs, into the attic, grabbing the Book of Shadows, please tell me we're not gonna be doing this in ten years. (The book's not there.) Piper: Apparently not. Prue: What? Piper: The book is gone. Prue: It's got to be here, we need it to find the return spell. Piper: Prue ... Prue: Piper, just help me look for it. Piper: Okay, relax, we'll find it. Prue: You don't know that. I mean, what if it's lost, what if we can't find it? Then we're stuck in our future bodies with no way of getting out of them and no way of saving Phoebe. (She flicks her arm and her power destroys the attic.) Piper: Ooh! Been working out? Prue: I guess that's a little sample of what ten years does to our powers. Piper: And to our attic. (Piper sees a key underneath a turned over table.) A key. (She picks it up.) Prue: It's the key to my wall safe at Bucklands. Piper: Do you think that means it's there? We've never taken the book out of the house before. Prue: Yeah, we haven't but maybe our future selves have. The question is why? Piper: We don't even know what we're like in this time, Prue, let alone what we think. But if the book is at Bucklands, maybe it'll give us some answers. Prue: Alright, then we'll go there first, then to Phoebe to see if she's alright. (They walk towards the door.) Sorry about the mess. Piper: Mmm hmm. [Scene: Hobart State Penitentiary. Phoebe's in a prison cell.] Phoebe: Hello? Hello? Could somebody please answer me. I really need to talk to someone. Okay, how about a snack? Maybe some crackers, peanuts, something? (A guy slides a tray full of slop in the room.) A tray full of goo? Hey, wait a minute. (She touches the glass and gives her a shock.) Don't I even get a phone call? Some guy: (From other room.) Shut up, witch! [Scene: Outside Bucklands.] Piper: I can't believe you get a limo and a driver and I've still got my same old car. Prue: You have a husband. Piper: Had a husband. I'm getting divorced remember. And how do you know you don't have a guy in this time? I mean, after all, I have a kid and an ex, you could have several. Prue: Ex's? Piper: No, kids. I mean, we're in the future but with no memory of the past ten years. I don't even know who my ex-husband ... (A guy holding a cup of coffee bumps into someone and Piper freezes him before it spills. They look around and notice everything is frozen.) Prue: Okay, apparently my power isn't the only one that's grown. You just froze ... Piper: Everything. What a difference a decade makes. (Leo shows up.) Leo: What the hell are you doing? Piper: Leo, I'm so glad you're here. I have so many ... (She goes to hug him but he backs away.) Uh ... what's wrong? Leo: You know, I knew you'd do something stupid like this. You used you magic in public. What's the matter with you? Are you insane? Piper: Uh, Leo ... Prue: Remember he thinks we know what's going on. Leo: You wanna end up like your sister? Huh? We had an agreement. No using magic for Melinda's sake. Piper: Melinda? Leo: Our daughter. What's wrong with you? Piper: Our daughter? Prue: Wait a second, you're Piper's ex? (A woman walks around the corner and sees everything frozen.) Woman: Witch! Prue: Okay, what's going on here? Piper: Prue ... (They see posters saying "Rid the evil. Turn in witches".) Woman: Over there! Witch! (Everyone unfreezes.) Leo: Alright, hurry, we gotta get outta here before they see you. Piper: They? Leo: The witch hunters. [Scene: Penitentiary. Phoebe hears a door open.] Phoebe: Prue? Piper? Nathaniel: They haven't come to visit you before. Why would they come now? They're gonna be as happy to get rid of you than I am. Phoebe: Who are you? Nathaniel: I'm sorry. It's been so long since our last visit. Executions are a bitch to plan. Logistics, alerting the media, gathering the kindling. Phoebe: Uh, you know, I've had a lot of time to do some thinking about why I'm here. Nathaniel: No amount of thinking will affect the outcome. Just as well been served for the crime. Phoebe: Wasn't really a big crime was it? Nathaniel: You are truly evil. What bigger crime is there than taking a man's life? Phoebe: I killed someone? Nathaniel: Phoebe, what is this? An attempt to stay your execution? Plead insanity? It won't work. You have five hours to live. Tick tock. Phoebe: What? Five hours? But that's not possible. Nathaniel: Well, I'm happy to see the seriousness of this crime has finally hit you. See, you represent everything I appoar. You're a threat. A danger to everything that is good and pure in our world. Phoebe: You're talking out of fear. Just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it evil. Nathaniel: No, it's you who doesn't understand. You killed a man using your power and now you're gonna die because of it. I only wish I could burn all of your kind with you. But don't worry, in time I will. This is only the beginning. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Underground. A lot of people are living there.] Prue: Leo, listen to me. The two of us, the Prue and Piper that you see before you are from the past. From ten years ago. Piper: So, we have no idea what is going on. Leo: Don't even lie to me. Right, Phoebe is set to die today and I only hope that this madness dies with her. Right, these people are in danger because of the witch trials she started. Prue: How? How did she start them? Leo: You know, I don't know what you hope to accomplish by pretending not to know ... (Piper kisses him passionately.) You haven't kissed me like that since ... Piper: Since this morning. 1999, remember? We were supposed to meet, you had to leave, I went up to the attic and this is where I came, the future. If you don't believe me, at least believe what you feel, trust that. Leo: I remember that was the day they sent me up to the attic to open the Book of Shadows, the future spell. Prue: Wait, that was you? We just assumed it was Grams. Leo: No, it was me. They didn't tell me why. What, you don't know what's happened the last ten years? (Prue shakes her head.) These people, they're here underground because they've been accused of practicing witchcraft. Prue: They're witches? Leo: Some of them. Most of them have been falsely accused. They're safe here for now. Prue: What did Phoebe do? Leo: Six months ago she killed a man. Cal Greene. Piper: The baseball player? Prue: This is crazy. I mean, Phoebe would never hurt anyone. Leo: She hurt him because he murdered someone. Someone Phoebe cared about very much. A dear friend who he brutalized. But a technicality set him free. Phoebe was furious, outraged. And that's when she crossed the line from protecting the innocent to punishing the guilty. She used her power to kill Greene, got caught, and her magic exposed by Nathaniel Pratt. Piper: And this is the result modern day witch trials with Pratt at the helm? Prue: And Phoebe at the stake. I don't buy it. Her power can't kill. Leo: Well, it can now. It's been ten years. All your powers have grown. Piper: We have to get to Phoebe and explain. Leo: You can't. Alright, as it stands, you and Prue are safe. Pratt checked you out and he doesn't suspect you're witches. To get to Phoebe you'd have to use your powers and then they'll catch you then kill you. Piper: Leo, she's our sister. We're not gonna let her die. Leo: Wait, I'll go. Prue: Leo, this is our sister. We have to. Leo: No. I'm still your guide. I can orb in and keep you out of danger. Piper: Fine. Then we'll go back to Buckland's and get the book and get the spell to get us home. Prue: We'll meet you at the manor. Piper: Leo, um, we got married? (Leo smiles.) Prue: Piper, later. We'll have plenty of time later. [Scene: Bucklands. Prue and Phoebe walk out of the elevator and all these people crowd around them.] Woman: Miss Halliwell, can you sign the P.O ... (Everyone starts talking at once.) Prue's assistant: Give the woman some air. She will meet with all of you after lunch. Thankyou. (They go into Prue's office.) Okay, good news first. The requisition paper work was approved and ... (Piper enters her office.) Yes? Piper: I'm with her. (Prue's assistant looks at Prue confused.) Prue: It's Piper. My sister. Assistant: Oh, right, sorry. Almost forgot you had another one, I mean other than ... Piper: That's okay, I forgot your name too. Anne: Anne. Miss Halliwell's personal assistant. Prue: Anne, right, my personal assistant. By the way Anne, um, do you know if my husband called by any chance? (Anne laughs.) Anne: Husband, good one. Very funny. Like you have the time. Okay, I just need to get your final okay on the acquisition. Your sister was amazing. I mean, at first the board was a little resistant, what with the lay off it would entail, but Prue pushed it through. Prue: I did? Anne: I thought to hell with the little people part was particularly persuasive. Prue: Okay, Anne, sweetie, I really need some private time with my sister, so if you can just ... Anne: Oh, no problem, just buzz me. (Anne leaves.) Prue: Look at me. Alright, I am booked with work, I'm about to lay off countless people with a flick of my pen, no man to speak of. Piper: Maybe you're just picky. Prue: What's happened to me? Okay, well, I could dwell on the nightmare that my life has become, but we have work to do. At least some things around here haven't changed. (She opens the wall safe and gets out the Book of Shadows.) Piper: Okay, it should be after the demon with the tusk and before the spell to discourage a lover. (They look for it in the book but it's not there.) Where is it? It was here in 1999. Prue: Yeah, and now it's gone. So, if the spell can only been used once, that must mean that our future selves have already used it. Which means ... Piper: We have no way of getting home. [Scene: Penitentiary. Leo orbs in.] Phoebe: Leo, oh, thank God. Look, I know what they think I did and if you just ... Leo: Shh ... they'll hear you. Phoebe: Where's the rest of the cavalry? Leo: They're not coming. Piper: So, what, you'll grab me and we'll just orb and we'll meet them back at the ... Leo: Phoebe ... I'm sorry. Phoebe: For what? Did something happen to my sisters? Leo: Nobody's gonna rescue you. (Phoebe laughs.) Phoebe: If that is some kind of whitelighter humour, let me be the first to tell you, you are not a very funny race of people. Leo: I wish you remembered what you'd done. It'd make this so much easier. Your future self used witchcraft for vengeance, Phoebe. Pratt is using that as a plan for him. Phoebe: Why does everyone think I killed someone? I wouldn't. I mean, I couldn't. What did I do? Premonition the man to death? My power is passive. Leo: Not in the future. It's grown. As have you. Which means unfortunately you have to suffer to consequences. Phoebe: I don't believe it. Leo: Then believe what you see. (He hands her a newspaper clipping. Phoebe has a premonition. In it she held her hands either side of Cal Greene's head without touching and electricity-like power came out of her hands and killed him.) Phoebe: Oh my God. What have I done? (Leo orbs out.) Help me! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Halliwell manor.] Piper: You wanna tell me how screwed we are? Prue: Pretty screwed. Piper: Thanks. I wonder what's taking Leo so long? Prue: (Looking through the B.O.S.) Some of the pages are marked. The top corners are turned down and all of them are new spells. Piper: Such as? Prue: Like, here's a spell to create a door, one to induce slumber, a glamour to change ones appearance. Some of them have these baggies attached. Piper: This must be potions of some kind. Prue: But what about these? Okay, one to create money, to bend someone's will, to erase a memory, a binding spell. Piper: Binding? What are all these marked for? Prue: This must of been our future selves plan to break Phoebe out. But something is bothering me. Clearly some of these spells are for personal gain. Piper: Which would break the most basic of wiccan rules. We wouldn't do that. Prue: We wouldn't. But maybe in ten years our future selves would. (Leo walks in.) Piper: Perfect timing. We found the book but we can't ... Where's Phoebe? Prue: Where is she? Leo: She's in prison where she belongs. Prue: Leo, you were supposed to bring her back here. Leo: No, I said I'd go to her. And I did. To explain to her why she has to pay for her crime. Piper: You're our guide, you're supposed to protect us and you're just gonna let her die. Prue: You're signing her death warrant. Leo: I'm to protect the greater good. If Phoebe lives, if you use your magic to save her, then the persecutions will continue. And our daughter will grow into a world where her powers punishable by death. Do you want that? Piper: Of course not. Leo: Well, then it has to end with Phoebe. She has to die. Prue: Like hell. (Piper freezes Leo.) Piper: Relax. We've seen what your new powers can do when you're angry. Prue: He's gonna stay frozen right? Piper: If he knows what's good for him, he'll stay frozen. Prue: Alright, let's get the spell. [Scene: Penitentiary.] Nathaniel: (on TV) Now, some people say this is a victory for me. But I say here's a victory for us all. For today the blight on everything that is good in our world, will be extinguished. Tonight, the witch will burn! [Scene: Leo's house. Piper and Prue are in the car.] Prue: Piper, if you're gonna do this, you'd better hurry. Leo can unfreeze and be home any second. Besides, Phoebe has less than an hour. (She gets out of the car. She looks through a window and sees Melinda playing. Piper is holding a bind spell. Leo appears.) Leo: You can't do it can you? Piper: No. Our grandmother did it to us for protection. Leo: You don't have to bind her powers, Piper. We agreed that I'd take care of her and I will, I promise. Piper: I know you will. So we were together. Does that mean you clipped your wings for me? Leo: No. You wouldn't let me. We tried to make it work with her powers, and it didn't, and all this happened. Piper: Were we happy? Just for a little while were we happy? Leo: Very. Piper: Are you gonna try and stop us? Leo: I can't do that. Piper: I hope you understand why I have to do what I'm doing. Leo: Yeah. Piper: What are we gonna do? Leo: What we always do. Piper: Talk about it later. (Piper gets back in the car. Prue looks upset.) What is it? What's wrong? Prue: I have no one to say goodbye to. My life, they didn't even know who you were at the office., my own sister. If we die tonight, my tombstone will read "Here lies Prue, she worked hard". Piper: We're not gonna die. We're gonna find a way back to the present and we'll create a new future. Prue: What if we can't. What if we can never get home. According to Phoebe's premonition we fail. Piper: Our future selves fail. We still got a shot. Prue: You're right, you're right. Let's go get Phoebe. [Scene: Outside the penitentiary next to a big wall.] Prue: So far so good. Piper: Normal people usually break out of prison. Prue: Nothing about this is normal. Piper: To create a door, okay. Prue: No place like here. Piper: Okay. (She draws an imaginary door on the wall with her finger.) Prue: Kinda small for us dontcha think? When you find your path is blocked, all you have to do is knock. (Piper knocks. The door opens and they walk inside.) [Cut to Phoebe. Two guards put handcuffs on her.] [Cut back to Prue and Piper.] Guard: Freeze! Piper: Good idea. (She freezes him.) Prue: Alright, um, the cell should be up those stairs, come on. She'll be guarded, are you ready for this? Piper: Do we have a choice? (Phoebe's cell is empty.) Prue: We're too late. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Penitentiary. In a room where Phoebe is tied to a pole and below her feet are holes where the fire comes out.] Nathaniel: I love the smell of burnt witch in the morning. Phoebe: At least I'm paying for my crime. There'll come a day where you have to pay for yours too. Nathaniel: Remorseless to the end, huh. (To the people watching.) Let today be a lesson to all those who would seek to defy human nature with their way of life. Let today serve notice that black magic will not be tolerated in our society and let today be remembered as the day we burned the witch. (Prue and Piper enter the room.) Prue: Piper, freeze them. Phoebe: Prue, Piper. Piper: We're getting you outta here. (Prue unties her.) Phoebe: No, wait. You can't Prue, I'm serious. Prue: What are you talking about? Phoebe: You guys have to leave. I deserve to be here. Or my future self does. Piper: You killed a killer. Don't be ridiculous. Prue: Look, this is Pratt's personal crusade. This isn't about us, this is about him. Where ever we go, he will follow us. He will hunt us. He will hunt our families. If anybody should be punished, it should be him. (Prue gets ready to use her power.) Phoebe: Prue, what are you doing? Prue: Saving the future good witches and our future. Phoebe: Prue, wait! Don't become a murderer too. It has to end with me. Piper: Phoebe, he was evil, he deserved what you ... Phoebe: (She starts to cry.) Wrong things done for the right reasons still the wrong thing. Our job is to protect the innocent, not punish the guilty. And I crossed that line, I know that. And now you guys have to know that too. (They all start crying.) Prue: We are not leaving here without you. Phoebe: Prue, we were sent here for a reason. Maybe not to stop this like we thought. But maybe to understand why this has to happen. Why you have to let this happen. I don't want to die. But I don't want you to die because of me. (They hug.) I love you. (She stands back next to the pole. Everyone unfreezes. They turn on the flames and Phoebe burns to death.) [Phoebe and Prue end up back in the manor.] Piper: Prue ... Prue: What are we doing here? Piper: Phoebe? You don't think she was ... we saw ... Prue: I know. Oh, please God, don't let it be true. Phoebe! (Phoebe walks in the room. They hug.) We thought that we lost you. Phoebe: You did. I was burned. And I could, I could fell the flames on my skin. And then I was here. I don't know what happened. Prue: It's okay, you're safe now, you're home. Piper: You're home, but when? (She turns on the TV. The report about Cal Greene comes on.) Phoebe: Wait, that's the baseball player. That's what triggered my premonition. We're right back where we started. The day we cast a spell. Piper: Why? Prue: Maybe because it worked. We were sent into the future to find out what Phoebe did. We came back to stop it from happening. Piper: But we didn't cast a spell to come back. We didn't even have one. Phoebe: Maybe they sent us back. Piper: But who? And why today? If we were sent back to keep the future from happening, shouldn't we be sent back to the day Phoebe killed Cal Greene instead? (They hear a dog bark. They go to the window.) Prue: Not again. (The guy's dog squats on their path.) Piper: This guy still hasn't learnt his lesson. Phoebe: Apparently neither have we. I think this is why we were sent back here to this moment and time. This is where it all started. The first time we used our magic for revenge. Piper: But it's just a little thing, it's harmless. Phoebe: Yeah, but once you break the small rules, it's only a matter of time before the big ones are next. Prue: A very smart girl once told me that we were supposed to protect the innocent not punish the guilty. Phoebe: I haven't told you yet. Piper: Maybe you won't have to. (Prue sees the face of the guy.) Prue: Pratt. (Pratt walks away.) Piper: Do you think we should follow? Phoebe: No. Our little act of revenge might of been what sent Pratt on his path to seek us all. Prue: Which might of let him to start the future witch trials. Phoebe: Hopefully now he won't. Piper: I still think we should keep an eye on him just in case. Prue: Absolutely. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Prue picks up the phone.] Phoebe: Hey, what's up? Prue: Not work. There is no way I am going to the office tonight. I'm going out with you guys. We all have a lot of changes to make if we want to avoid ending up where we just came from. Piper: I had a future that wasn't all bad. You were like Miss Fortune five hundred and I had a beautiful little girl. Phoebe: What? Piper: Details later. Prue: You know, we can still make the good things happen, Piper. We just have to make the right choices. Piper: So maybe Leo and I will end up together. Phoebe: Wait, you and Leo? (The doorbell rings.) Piper: Speak of the angel. I'll get that. (She answers the door.) Hey, stranger. (She grabs him and gives him a passionate kiss.) Leo: I would of settled for a nice hello. Piper: Didn't anyone tell you not to settle? Leo: That's a good lesson. Piper: I've been learning a lot of them lately. Leo: So I've heard. Look, honestly, I didn't know you were gonna get sent to the future. I don't even know what happened when you got there. All I was told was apparently you had something to learn. Piper: So, that's why you're here. Leo: No. That's why you're here. You were given a glimpse of your future to learn a valuable lesson. And I'm glad you learned it too because I know they wouldn't of brought you back if you didn't. Speaking of which, they're making me work tonight, so I can't really ... Piper: This is always gonna be a problem for us isn't it? Leo: I'm willing to work on it. Piper: Good. Because I'll never forget you said that. (They kiss passionately.)

Prue and Piper use their powers to stop a man from repeatedly allowing his dog to defecate on their entry walk, even though this counts as magic for personal gain. When Phoebe has a vision of herself being burnt to death, the sisters travel ten years into the future to February 26, 2009 to learn what happened and why. In the future, Prue finds herself as a blond with a ruthless business reputation, Phoebe is in prison facing an imminent execution appointment, and Piper discovers that Leo is her ex-husband, and they have a daughter named Melinda. The girls discover that Phoebe used her powers to kill a murderer, causing a local D.A. named Nathaniel Pratt to begin modern day witch trials as a platform for political office. Prue and Piper want to save Phoebe at any cost, but Leo feels that using their powers to save Phoebe will be a tipping point causing rhetoric to become legislation outlawing magic.

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HORROR OF FANG ROCK BY: TERRANCE DICKS Part Two Running time: 24:10 [SCENE_BREAK] REUBEN: Too late, she's struck. LEELA: They will all die, then. REUBEN: If there's any survivors, we'll find them on the east crag. [SCENE_BREAK] REUBEN: Keep that siren going, mister. Hey, Vince! Bring that DOCTOR: (to Leela) Keep that siren going. [SCENE_BREAK] REUBEN: Bring that rope, mister. REUBEN (OOV.): Bring that rope! [SCENE_BREAK] REUBEN: Ahoy! VINCE: She's on again now. REUBEN: Damned electricity. Wouldn't happen with oil. Ahoy! DOCTOR: No, I don't suppose it would. It seems to need electricity. [SCENE_BREAK] PALMERDALE: Why did it take you so long? We were nearly killed on those rocks! VINCE: You'll be all right, sir. Come over to the stove and dry yourself out. REUBEN: We was going to throw. No cause for jumping like that. SKINSALE: Oh, his Lordship was anxious to get ashore. REUBEN: See to the young lady, Vince. PALMERDALE: Oh, get me a brandy. VINCE: Here, ma'am, let me help you. ADELAIDE: Thank you. REUBEN: Well, get her a blanket, boy. ADELAIDE: Oh no, I'm all right, really. PALMERDALE: Well I ain't. I'm soaked to the skin. SKINSALE: Ah, but sea water's healthy, Henry. PALMERDALE: I need a drink. Catch my death like this. Get me a brandy, young fella. VINCE: You don't need no brandy, sir. Hot soup's the ticket for you. PALMERDALE: Don't tell me what I need. Dammit, hasn't anyone a flask round here? REUBEN: You see to them, Vince. I'd better get up to that lamp. VINCE: Here, ma'am. Come over to the stove and get warm. Excuse me, sir. ADELAIDE: Thank you. What's your name? VINCE: Hawkins. Vince Hawkins. ADELAIDE: Thank you, Hawkins. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: What was it like? LEELA: I could not see clearly. It shone like, like a fungus in the forest. DOCTOR: Luminous. Do you think you could show me the spot? LEELA: Yes. Yes, I think so. Don't tell the others. We don't want to start a panic. REUBEN: What do you reckon be going on, mister? DOCTOR: When I find out, I'll let you know. REUBEN: I wouldn't try to find out. Tain't wise. LEELA: What do you mean? REUBEN: Reckon I know what you've seen. They always said the Beast of Fang Rock would be back. DOCTOR: The Beast of Fang Rock. REUBEN: Aye. [SCENE_BREAK] PALMERDALE: Look, I need some dry clothes and I need them now. VINCE: All in good time, sir. Just give the young lady some soup then I'll attend to you. PALMERDALE: I'll catch my death of cold standing around like this. SKINSALE: You shouldn't be so impulsive, Henry. PALMERDALE: When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it. What about brandy? Well, surely in the medical supplies you keep brandy. VINCE: No liquor allowed in a lighthouse, sir. Against regulations. PALMERDALE: Oh, to hell with the regulations! DOCTOR: Where's Harker, your coxswain? PALMERDALE: He stayed behind to secure the boat. DOCTOR: I'll wait. SKINSALE: He'll, er, he'll be up directly. DOCTOR: Good. SKINSALE: It was his seamanship got us ashore. DOCTOR: And whose seamanship was it got you on the rocks? PALMERDALE: Are you in charge here? DOCTOR: No, but I'm full of ideas. VINCE: Beg pardon, sir. Time I stoked the boiler. DOCTOR: Yes, of course, Vince. Off you go. Leela? LEELA: Yes? DOCTOR: You'd better go with him. LEELA: Yes, Doctor. ADELAIDE: So, you're a doctor? DOCTOR: Yes. ADELAIDE: And you send women to stoke boilers? DOCTOR: One of the keepers was electrocuted earlier this evening, and since then Vince doesn't like going down there. SKINSALE: Yes, disturbing thing for a young fellow, first sight of death. I remember in India PALMERDALE: Not one of your army stories, Jimmy. They're even more boring than your House of Commons anecdotes. DOCTOR: Just a moment! We haven't been introduced. SKINSALE: Oh. Well, this is Miss Lessedge, Lord Parmerdale's secretary. The wet gentleman is Lord Palmerdale, the financier. I'm Skinsale, the member for Thurley, Doctor er. DOCTOR: Where were you heading? SKINSALE: What? DOCTOR: When your yacht struck? PALMERDALE: Southampton. I've a special train waiting to take me to London, and I must be there before the 'Change opens. ADELAIDE: If only we'd stayed in Deauville none of this would have happened. PALMERDALE: We had a little flutter at the casino, though in Jimmy's case it was more of a plunge, what? SKINSALE: Oh, I don't know. You lost your yacht. PALMERDALE: Insured. DOCTOR: What about the rest of the crew? Were any other boats launched? SKINSALE: We didn't wait to see. His Lordship was in rather a hurry to leave the sinking ship. PALMERDALE: It's imperative that I reach London before the market opens. SKINSALE: Oh, is that the reason DOCTOR: Ah, you want to get to London? PALMERDALE: Yes! Yes. DOCTOR: You've no chance in this fog. SKINSALE: (laughs) The wheel of fortune, eh, Henry? PALMERDALE: What? SKINSALE: Perhaps you didn't win all you thought at the casino. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Listen. VINCE: What? I don't hear nothing, miss. LEELA: There! Something's being dragged over the rocks. VINCE: Ben. He'll be coming back, coming back for us. LEELA: Go up and tell the Doctor to come down, and do not let the others know. Go and get the Doctor. Do not tell the others. Here, give me that instrument. Go! LEELA: Do not move! HARKER: What? LEELA: I said, do not move. DOCTOR: It's all right, Leela, he's a friend, aren't you, Harker. HARKER: Yes, sir. Oh, poor wretch. LEELA: What is it? DOCTOR: It's all that's left of Ben. Where did you find him, Harker? HARKER: In the sea, sir. Came floating in as I was tying up. What the sea can do to a man. DOCTOR: It wasn't the sea that did that. HARKER: What, sir? DOCTOR: There's some hot soup in the crew room, Harker. HARKER: Right. DOCTOR: The others are already there. DOCTOR: Quick, get that door closed. LEELA: Do you think the beast ate him? DOCTOR: What beast? LEELA: The Beast of Fang Rock. DOCTOR: There's no such animal. LEELA: But Reuben said there was. DOCTOR: Leela, the people round here have been fisher folk for generations. They're almost as primitive and as superstition-ridden as your lot are. LEELA: So how do you explain the body? DOCTOR: Post-mortem. LEELA: What is that? DOCTOR: Something wants to make a detailed study of human anatomy. VINCE (OOV.): Doctor? DOCTOR: Quick, get it out. VINCE: You there, Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, I'm here, Vince. VINCE: You found out what that noise was? LEELA: Yes, it was only Harker. He was carrying Ben's body. VINCE: So it's true. He was walking. LEELA: Oh, do not be stupid, Vince. I told you before, the dead do not walk. VINCE: He must have been to have got out there in the first place. LEELA: I don't know how he got outside, but he did not walk! [SCENE_BREAK] PALMERDALE: You secured the boat safely? HARKER: Yes. PALMERDALE: Good. When you've rested, we'll make for the mainland. SKINSALE: Are you mad? PALMERDALE: I've made up my mind. It's the only way. SKINSALE: It's out of the question, Henry. Good Lord, in this fog? PALMERDALE: It can be no more than five or six miles. A seaman like Harker would have no trouble. SKINSALE: Reason with him, Adelaide. Make him see sense. PALMERDALE: You can stay here or do as you wish, but my mind is quite set. HARKER: So is mine. I'm not taking a boat out in this. PALMERDALE: What's that? HARKER: Not after what I've seen tonight, and that's flat. PALMERDALE: Damn your insolence! You're an employee. You'll do as you're told. HARKER: Will I? SKINSALE: Hang him from the yardarm, Henry. It's mutiny. [SCENE_BREAK] VINCE: You said he was dead. How did he get in the sea? DOCTOR: Obviously I was wrong. The shock simply stunned him, he partly recovered, staggered out onto the rocks, fell into the sea and was drowned. You get on about your work, Vince. There's nothing supernatural going on round here. VINCE: Well, I saw him. He weren't breathing, that I swear. DOCTOR: Electricity has strange effects, Vince. VINCE: Oh. Electricity. DOCTOR: Hmm. VINCE: I'm sorry, sir. I reckon I made a bit of a fool of myself just now. DOCTOR: That's all right, Vince. LEELA: Why did you not tell him the truth? DOCTOR: Because I don't know what the truth is, yet. [SCENE_BREAK] PALMERDALE: As I see it, the accident was entirely due to the inefficiency of the lighthouse service. SKINSALE: My dear fellow PALMERDALE: So they have the responsibility of seeing I reach the mainland. SKINSALE: That argument won't wash, Henry. You can't possibly blame the lighthouse people. ADELAIDE: His Lordship is right. If the light had been working SKINSALE: We would still have hit the rocks at the speed we were travelling. HARKER: You're right there, sir. We should have been going dead slow in them conditions. Weren't Captain's fault, neither. PALMERDALE: That's enough, Harker. The fact remains that the light was not working. Oh, there'll be an enquiry, I assure you. DOCTOR: The inquiry's already begun. Move over. SKINSALE: What inquiry? What are you talking about? DOCTOR: Just you stay here, all of you. Harker, you try and get some rest. SKINSALE: He speaks with an amazing air of authority. I wonder who the devil he is? PALMERDALE: If you ask me, I don't think he's quite (taps his head) Those eyes. ADELAIDE: The girl is very strange, too. SKINSALE: I don't know about strange, but she's not a bad looker. ADELAIDE: Perfectly grotesque, in my view. Were you a long time in India, Colonel? SKINSALE: Long enough, my dear, to learn to appreciate nature. ADELAIDE: Lord Palmerdale, as we seem compelled to spend the night in this frightful place, do you think there's a private room where I might sleep? PALMERDALE: How should I know? Fat chance I have of sleeping tonight with a fortune slipping through my fingers. SKINSALE: Well, if this contraption works, I'll see what the proprietors have to say. [SCENE_BREAK] REUBEN: Ahoy there. What is it? (listens) There's bunks in the sleeping quarters. She's welcome to any of them. REUBEN: Trouble with the gentry, they always want running after. VINCE: Here, Reuben. REUBEN: What? VINCE: Someone down there. Look. See them lights? REUBEN: I reckon it's that Doctor and his girl. VINCE: No call for them to be out there. REUBEN: Can't say I didn't warn 'em. I told them. VINCE: What about? REUBEN: The Beast. VINCE: Oh, that old tale. REUBEN: More than a tale, boy. That girl saw it tonight. I heard her telling the Doctor. Shining, she said it was, just like they reckon. VINCE: She couldn't have seen it. REUBEN: Last time that beast was seen on Fang Rock, eighty year ago now, two men died that very same night. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Somewhere around here. DOCTOR: What? A strong electrical field. Strong enough to kill a man on contact. Interesting. Probably explains the phosphorescent glow. And fish at a distance of several yards. LEELA: What? What do you think it is, Doctor. DOCTOR: I don't know what it is, Leela. I think it's desperate and I think it's cunning, and I think it's time we were getting back. [SCENE_BREAK] SKINSALE: Well, I think Adelaide should settle now. PALMERDALE: Oh, splendid. That's the main thing, isn't it, that my secretary should sleep. SKINSALE: You'd do well to get some yourself. PALMERDALE: Here, in this hovel? SKINSALE: It's quite a snug little bivouac. I've slept in worse places than this in the army. PALMERDALE: Ah, but that was before you resigned and went into politics. Acquired a taste for high living then, didn't you. SKINSALE: What, feeling a little frustrated, old chap, are you? PALMERDALE: Why the hell shouldn't I when I've been cheated like this? SKINSALE: I kept my side of the bargain. I gave you the information you wanted. I was a fool and a scoundrel, but I did it, and you tore up my IOUs. PALMERDALE: What use is your blasted information if I can do nothing with it? SKINSALE: Quite. Rather amusing, isn't it? PALMERDALE: I could still expose you. SKINSALE: Yes, but if the information's never used, where's the proof I ever gave it? And you're forgetting something else. PALMERDALE: What? SKINSALE: I'm an officer and a gentleman, Henry. You're a nobody, a jumped-up little money-grabber for all your title. Besmirch my good name and I'll sue you for every penny you've got. So goodnight to you. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Do you thing the creature will come back? DOCTOR: I do. I think he was taking Ben's body away for examination when you saw it. LEELA: Into the sea? DOCTOR: Under the sea. Earlier tonight Vince saw what he called a fireball fall into the sea not far away. LEELA: Another TARDIS. DOCTOR: Not another TARDIS. A spaceship, perhaps. Yes, an alien creature which has never before encountered human beings might just behave that way. LEELA: But why come here? There's nothing on this foggy rock. DOCTOR: There's electricity. Perhaps that's what attracted it. LEELA: An alien creature DOCTOR: Yes. LEELA: Travelling through space DOCTOR: Yes. LEELA: And yet desperate, you said. Why? DOCTOR: Yes. Just a minute. It's behaviour pattern is furtive. LEELA: What is furtive? DOCTOR: That means it keeps out of sight while it spies out the land, hoping to mount a successful attack. LEELA: Then we are not facing an enemy that is bold. DOCTOR: No, but cunning. I don't think this fog's a freak of the weather. LEELA: What are you talking about? DOCTOR: I think it's been contrived to isolate us. That creature, or whatever it is, will be getting bolder by now. It's seen this primitive technology, it's had time to calculate the physical strength of its enemies. I think we're in terrible trouble. LEELA: Do not be afraid, Doctor. If what you say is true, we must arm ourselves and post guards. DOCTOR: What about the others? They'll think we're mad if we start talking about creatures from outer space. LEELA: But we're from space. We're not of this Earth. DOCTOR: Shush. Don't tell them that, whatever you do. What do you mean, do not be afraid. [SCENE_BREAK] PALMERDALE: (quietly) Wake up, man. Wake up. HARKER: What? PALMERDALE: (quietly) Will you wake up? HARKER: What is it? What do you want? PALMERDALE: (quietly) Can you use a Morse apparatus? HARKER: Of course I can. Can I what? PALMERDALE: (quietly) Use a Morse telegraphic apparatus like that one over there. HARKER: Of course I can. PALMERDALE: (quietly) Good. Now, I want you to send a coded message for me. It's to be passed on to my brokers in London. HARKER: Send a message? What for? PALMERDALE: (quietly) That's none of your business. Just do as I tell you. It's a business matter. There's a great deal of money involved. HARKER: Money? PALMERDALE: (quietly) Oh, don't worry, you'll be handsomely rewarded. I had urgent reasons for getting back to London. Vital business affairs. This will have to do instead. HARKER: I remember. You was mad to get back to England. PALMERDALE: Was I? HARKER: I remember on the bridge, when the fog was coming down, Captain begging for permission to slow down, you telling him full ahead and damn the consequences. He should have slowed her, ignored you anyway. PALMERDALE: It was his duty to obey my orders. HARKER: He was old and weak. He was scared he'd never get another ship. PALMERDALE: Do as I tell you and you'll be well paid. HARKER: And when she struck it was get the owner away and the owner's fancy woman and the owner's fine friend. Never mind the poor sailors. PALMERDALE: I'll have no more of this. There's no time. HARKER: They're dead because of you. PALMERDALE: Harker, get off! SKINSALE: Don't be such a damn fool, man. Harker! DOCTOR: Let go, Harker! HARKER: There are good seamen dead because of you! You deserve to die. DOCTOR: Come on, sit down. Sit down. All that can wait. Gentlemen, I've got news for you. This lighthouse is under attack, and by morning we might all be dead. Anyone interested? [SCENE_BREAK] REUBEN: Time that boiler was stoked, boy. VINCE: 'Ere, Reuben. You don't really think what happened before, back in the twenties, you don't really think it's happening again, do you? REUBEN: There's three of us, there were three of them. Two dead and one mad, and Ben's dead, isn't he? Boiler, boy. Hey, you're shaking too much to lift a shovel. You stay here, boy. I'll do it. VINCE: If you're sure. I'll do it if you like. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Understand this. No one, but no one, is to leave this lighthouse for any reason. Is that clear? PALMERDALE: No, it's not clear. Mysterious mumbo-jumbo. Just what is this threat that's supposed to be lurking outside? REUBEN: You've seen it, then. The Beast's back. SKINSALE: What beast? REUBEN: There's always death on this rock when the Beast's about. PALMERDALE: Preposterous rubbish. What is the fool saying? REUBEN: I'm saying it's happened before, it'll happen again. PALMERDALE: Superstitious idiot. If we're expected to take notice of some fisherman's tale LEELA: Silence! You will do as the Doctor instructs, or I will cut out your heart. DOCTOR: You heard what she said. LEELA: Doctor, it's getting cold again. DOCTOR: Are you sure? LEELA: Yes. Last time it came like this, like a cold wave. DOCTOR: I believe you're right. SKINSALE: I don't feel anything. DOCTOR: Leela's senses are particularly acute, and if she says it's getting colder, it's getting colder! ADELAIDE: What's going on? SKINSALE: Nothing for you to worry about, Adelaide. ADELAIDE: I don't understand. Lord Palmerdale, what is happening? PALMERDALE: Nothing, my dear. Absolutely nothing is happening here. SKINSALE: What the devil is that?

With inexplicable electrical problems keeping the lighthouse from maintaining a steady beam, a foolhardy ship crashes against the island rocks. Four shaken and discontent survivors join the people inside where the Doctor surmises they're all being carefully scrutinized, a prelude to an attack.

fd_NCIS_02x04

fd_NCIS_02x04_0

INT. TRUCK - MOVING WILKINS: (INTO PHONE) Been six months, three weeks, fourteen hours, eighteen minutes since I last saw Tina's cute little - what are you doing? (SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) JENNINGS: Gotta go. WILKINS: You can't hold it for twenty minutes?! JENNINGS: I'm not gonna tell Marci I've got to hit the head first! (JENNINGS RATTLES THE GATE) WILKINS: Come on, Tom! JENNINGS: I promise not to shake it more than once. (CAMERA ANGLE ON DEAD LIEUTENANT) (CUT TO BLACK) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/ SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: I'd have returned the money. TONY: A buck eighty five? KATE: It's the principle, not the amount. TONY: I didn't notice at the drive through. I dropped the change in the ashtray and left. KATE: You didn't notice because you were too busy leering at the blonde working the window. TONY: I wasn't leering. Drooling a little maybe. The point is I didn't notice her mistake until after we parked and I took the change out of the ashtray. KATE: The point is you did notice which makes not returning the money a conscious act. TONY: Well, I'd burn more than a buck eighty five in gas driving back there. KATE: It's going to come back to haunt you. TONY: What is? KATE: Karma. What goes around comes around. Like a boomerang. And when yours comes back around, you'd better duck really low. TONY: Well, you don't have to duck if you don't believe. MCGEE: Believe what? TONY: Kind of a private conversation, McGee. KATE: With all the bad karma you've built up with women alone I am surprised that something hasn't just fallen off. GIBBS: Missing something, DiNozzo? (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yes, Gibbs. REYNOLDS: (V.O./FILTERED) Agent Gibbs, this is Commander Reynolds. We have a DOA at Norfolk. (HANGS UP PHONE) GIBBS: We've got a body at Norfolk. Get Ducky. KATE: I thought he was flying to London? GIBBS: Plane doesn't leave for a few hours. TONY: Do you believe in Karma, boss? GIBBS: I had three wives, DiNozzo. (TONY SPILLS THE DRINK ON HIS PANTS) TONY: Oh! Oh! KATE: You should've driven back. MCGEE: Driven back where? TONY: Oh! (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. NAVAL STATION - DAY GIBBS: Who found the body, Commander? REYNOLDS: Those two Seamen off the George Washington. She docked yesterday after a six month deployment in the Gulf. They were driving off station for two weeks leave - stopped to use the head. GIBBS: Is that what they call bleachers in Norfolk? REYNOLDS: One over there was locked. GIBBS: Yeah, well I guess I'd go out behind the bleachers, too. REYNOLDS: After discovering the body, they flagged down Petty Officer Cluxton, who was passing by on patrol. KATE: You do all this, Petty Officer? CLUXTON: Yes, Ma'am. After ascertaining the Lieutenant was deceased, I searched for I.D. GIBBS: You touched the body? CLUXTON: I was wearing gloves, Sir. KATE: Go on. CLUXTON: Finding no I.D., I radioed in the report, retraced my steps, marked my footprints for exclusionary purposes and taped off a twenty yard perimeter. GIBBS: How often did your patrol take you past this area last night? CLUXTON: Every hour on the thirty, Sir. GIBBS: From? CLUXTON: Twenty hundred hours when I came on duty, Sir. Saw nothing unusual until Seaman Jennings and Wilkins flagged me down at zero one thirty two. GIBBS: DiNozzo get their-- TONY: Statements. On it, boss. CLUXTON: I took their statements, Sir. GIBBS: Do you mind if we take them, too? CLUXTON: No, Sir. Of course, not. KATE: You did a good job, Petty Officer. CLUXTON: Thank you, Ma'am. MCGEE: Petty Officer Cluxton. CLUXTON: Agent McGee! MCGEE: Hey, how have you been? CLUXTON: I've been good. And you? MCGEE: Good. Good. Sorry, Kate. Yeah, good. Uh... um...yeah, I've been assigned to NCIS Headquarters in the Navy Yard. CLUXTON: So I heard. MCGEE: It was kind of a surprise transfer. Uh... you know, one minute I'm at Norfolk - the next... GIBBS: You're back at Norfolk. Maybe even permanently, McGee. MCGEE: Yeah, uh... sorry. Sorry, boss. The Petty Officer and I... we vetted civilian job applicants back... I'm going to start to measure and sketch now. GIBBS: Yeah, McGee. You do that. That'll be all for now, Petty Officer. CLUXTON: Yes, Sir. REYNOLDS: If you need me, Special Agent Gibbs, I'll be in my office. GIBBS: Okay. KATE: You could have told her, Gibbs. GIBBS: Told who what? KATE: Petty Officer Cluxton. She did a good job. GIBBS: Did she now? KATE: She wore gloves. Marked her footprints. Cordoned off the crime scene. GIBBS: Searched the body for I.D. How do you do that without disturbing the body, Agent Todd? KATE: She could have - should have waited for the M.E. GIBBS: That would have been doing a good job. Keep shooting. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY DUCKY: Doctor Gutterman will be filling in in my absence. I should warn you the old boy does love to hear himself talk. JIMMY: I'll do my best to handle it, Doctor. DUCKY: Because I suspect the good doctor will be a tad grumpy as well. JIMMY: Why's that? DUCKY: He lost the coin toss. MCGEE: What coin toss, Ducky? DUCKY: The one that in two hours will send me to London to the assembly of the Collegium Mortem Scutantium. MCGEE: Of course. KATE: The Society of Medical Examiners. DUCKY: Very good, Kate. KATE: Four years of Latin has finally paid off. DUCKY: Do you know who founded the society? KATE: Not a clue. DUCKY: Leonardo Da Vinci himself. KATE: Wow! DUCKY: Wow, indeed. Yes, we can trace the roots of our society dedicated to the history of forensic sciences to one formed by Leonardo in the same year that he began the Mona Lisa. In fact, that transcendent painting is a symbol... GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Duck, do you want to meet with your society in London or give us a lecture? DUCKY: Oh, quite right. I do have a plane to catch. Thank you, Jethro. GIBBS: De nada. DUCKY: Now what story do you have to tell us, my dear? KATE: You know, Ducky, some day one of them will talk back. DUCKY: The language of silence may be hard to hear, Caitlin, but unlike the living, when the dead speak they do not lie. Small abrasions and visible bruising of the neck. GIBBS: Strangled. DUCKY: Most likely. Doctor Gutterman can confirm that when he examines the soft tissues. Bruises on the thighs. She could have been raped. Gutterman can confirm that, too. Liver probe. JIMMY: Ready. DUCKY: Usually you ask, Jethro. GIBBS: Master-At-Arms already searched the body, Duck. I'm double-checking. DUCKY: I do wish they'd wait until I arrive. TONY: Hey Boss, got statements from Seamen Jennings and Wilkens. Can I cut them loose? They've been at sea a long time. GIBBS: Know where to find them? TONY: Motel at Virginia Beach - girlfriends are waiting. GIBBS: Yeah, let them go. (SFX: TONY WHISTLES) TONY: Haven't been with their women in... six months, three weeks, eighteen hours. Oh. Longest I went was eleven days, six hours. KATE: I can't believe you actually know these things. TONY: It's a gift. DUCKY: Liver temp eighty one point six. JIMMY: Ambient temperature is seventy three point one. GIBBS: Time of death? DUCKY: Uh... somewhere between twenty three hundred and zero one hundred. Well my children, I have a plane to catch. MCGEE: How long are you in London for, Doctor? DUCKY: Only three days. Actually, I won't be in London. I'll be in the City of London. MCGEE: There is a difference? DUCKY: There's a little known fact that the city of London isn't actually London at all. MCGEE: How can it not be London? GIBBS: No I.D. We've got a Lieutenant Jane Doe. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/DUCKY CHECKS THE VICTIM'S NECK) DUCKY: The moment Special Agent Gibbs is done processing the scene, we get her back to the morgue. JIMMY: Of course, Doctor. MCGEE: Ducky, if it's not London, what is it? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) JIMMY: Shouldn't you be on a plane by now, Doctor? DUCKY: One of the modern marvels of air travel, Mister Palmer. Miss one flight, there are numerous others from which to choose. JIMMY: You started without me. DUCKY: I believe as you are my assistant, as opposed to the other way around, it is my prerogative to start without you. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY (MUSIC PLAYS B.G.) (SFX: PHONE RINGS) ABBY: Abby here! You're on the air!(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) Abby, it's Ducky. ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) Oh! (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Oh, Ducky on the AirFone. How cool. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) I'm in Autopsy. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) You're going to be way late for afternoon tea. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) I'm sending Mister Palmer up with the victim's fingerprints, semen and blood for DNA analysis. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Ooh. Raped and murdered. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) ...Be sure to sign the evidence exchange forms. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) I will check. ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Okay. As soon as I'm finished with this explosives swab analysis I will get all over it. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) No, you will get over it now! (SCENE CUT) ABBY: Oh. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Why are you still here? JIMMY: I'm... I'm not. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED) DUCKY: You're back, aren't you? You b*st*rd. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY MCGEE: Is that good for you? ABBY: Trust me, Mister Goodwrench, I'm smiling. GIBBS: I'm not. ABBY: Hey, Gibbs! MCGEE: Hey, Boss. GIBBS: Special Agent Goodwrench? ABBY: McGee is rewiring my hotbox. MCGEE: That's a nickname for a bundle of receptors in the firewall that regulates the flow of energy throughout the system. See, but when stimulated correctly it sends waves and waves of rhythmic pulses. Waves ...waves that uh... that hyper-crank the... the uh... transfer speed ... uh...of digitized infor - Abby? ABBY: McGee is helping me speed up the search for Lieutenant Jane Doe's fingerprints in the AFIS database. I've got to I.D. her fast to keep the hound at bay. GIBBS: I'm more Jack Russel Terrier. ABBY: No, not you, Gibbs. Ducky. He's barking at my heels like a dog with mange. GIBBS: Is he still here? ABBY: In autopsy. And he's so crabby he'll give you a run for you money. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) MCGEE: If I said that to Gibbs, I would be seeing stars. ABBY: Well that's the advantage of being me. Now get back down there. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED) GIBBS: Doctor Mallard! JIMMY: Jimmy Palmer. How stupid is that? I know that you know that I'm not Doctor Mallard. I just... you see... uh... he's not here, Sir. GIBBS: Did he catch a flight to England? JIMMY: No, he said he's going to Norfolk. I think he drove. GIBBS: Why? JIMMY: Why did he drive? GIBBS: Go to Norfolk! JIMMY: Oh, he didn't say. He just... he just finished the autopsy, told me to put her to bed, and then he said he was going to Norfolk. GIBBS: Anything unusual in the autopsy? JIMMY: I don't know, Sir. Doctor Mallard wouldn't even let me assist him. He did everything by himself. GIBBS: Did he ever do that before? JIMMY: No, Sir! No, he took quite a while, too. He wanted to check everything over and over. I thought he only made me do that because I'm... (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED) JIMMY: ... Inexperienced. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. EVIDENCE STORAGE - DAY (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) (ACTION CONTINUES/ DUCKY EXAMINES THE SAMPLES) (DOOR CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Sheesh. I've seen that look before. KATE: You went to the men's room forty-five minutes ago. TONY: You clocked me? KATE: What could take you so long? Don't answer that! TONY: Actually, Kate... KATE: I don't want to hear it! TONY: Returning the buck eighty five to the drive thru. KATE: You returned the money? TONY: You see, that whole hands over the ears thing doesn't work. I used to do that I was a kid. I could hear everything my parents said. They had some interesting words. KATE: I can't believe you gave it back. TONY: Well, she was off duty. KATE: You didn't give it back. TONY: The pimply-faced mall rat at the drive-thru would have just pocketed it. KATE: You brought the teacher coffee? TONY: Well, thinking ahead, Kate. Thinking ahead. After you tell Gibbs we've got nothing, a cup of his favorite brew will tame the beast. KATE: After I tell Gibbs? GIBBS: Tell me what? TONY: Hey, Boss. I got you a little-- (SFX: COFFEE SPLASHES ON TONY) TONY: Ah!! (KATE CHUCKLES) KATE: What are the odds of that happening twice in one day? GIBBS: The same as me firing the two of you if I don't get a report. KATE: The victim's picture is on the Navy intranet to department heads of every in-station vessel and base unit. Nothing yet. GIBBS: P.S.A? TONY: No missing females, officers or enlisted. (TO KATE) P.S.A. is Personnel Support Activity. KATE: I've been here a year, Tony. I know the acronyms. TONY: Ah, a year. It seems like only yesterday you were mixing up your NAV-SACs with your NAV-SOCs. Gosh, our little girl has grown up fast, hasn't she, Boss? Ow! What was that for? GIBBS: Not growing up! What else you got? KATE: Nothing. GIBBS: Nothing. ABBY: Hey guys. KATE: But it looks like Abby does. GIBBS: Who is our victim? ABBY: Um, we do not know. GIBBS: Then what are you doing here? MCGEE: Well, we're...we're... we're through, boss. ABBY: We ran the entire AFIS databank. We didn't get a match. GIBBS: How could AFIS not find a match? She's a Navy Lieutenant. DUCKY: No she isn't, Jethro. Lieutenant Jane Doe is a misnomer. The poor woman was never in the Navy. Match this sperm against the sample I removed from our victim. Please. GIBBS: You've been holding out on me, Doctor. DUCKY: Yes, Agent Gibbs. I have. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (SFX: DRAWER SLIDES OPEN) JANE DOE: Tell my family what happened to me. Please. GIBBS: (V.O.) Doctor Mallard! (GIBBS AND DUCKY EXAMINE THE VICTIM'S NECK) GIBBS: That's not the first trident you've seen carved in the neck of a victim, is it? DUCKY: No. I shouldn't have held out on you, but I wasn't sure it was the same until I did the autopsy. GIBBS: You weren't sure when you saw the trident on her neck at the crime scene? DUCKY: Unlike you, Agent Gibbs, I prefer to rely on forensic evidence and not my gut. GIBBS: We're a team, Doctor. Team members don't hold out. DUCKY: Yes, you're right. It was... unprofessional. I'm still hoping that Abby doesn't get a match and all this is just some macabre coincidence. Forgive me, Jethro. (SFX: DRAWER SLIDES SHUT) GIBBS: Tell me about that other case. DUCKY: Well, it was ten years ago. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. DIRT PATH - FLASHBACK DUCKY: (V.O.) A Navy corpsman out jogging found the body in a culvert beside an athletic field at Norfolk. The Navy Lieutenant had been raped and strangled. She had a trident carved on the side of her neck. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: (V.O.) We ran her prints through AFIS and got nothing. She wasn't in the Navy. Our profiler believed that the murderer (ON CAMERA) had dressed his victim as a Navy Lieutenant to fulfill some revenge fantasy. GIBBS: Ninety four was the first year women were deployed on combat ships. DUCKY: Yes. Special Agent Dawes and I assumed that the killer had served under a female officer. GIBBS: Dawes? Don't know him. He retire? DUCKY: He passed on. Seven years ago. GIBBS: He investigated every Navy unit with a trident insignia. DUCKY: Especially those with female officers. He didn't come up with a single suspect. GIBBS: The trident symbol may have nothing to do with the Navy. DUCKY: That's the conclusion we came to. But... this note was found at the scene of the crime three days after the body was discovered. GIBBS: Was it missed on the initial search? DUCKY: No - it was found where the body had been. GIBBS: But he didn't come back. DUCKY: Not until now. GIBBS: I've got one question for you, Ducky. Why is this case so personal? DUCKY: Did you know that Leonardo Da Vinci never gave the Mona Lisa to the patron who commissioned it? GIBBS: Nope. DUCKY: Instead, he carried the painting with him for the rest of his life. She's been with me for ten years, Jethro. She's the only Jane Doe I never identified. The only one whose family has no closure. The only one who never went home. (SFX: PHONE RINGS) (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Autopsy. ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) Ducky? GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Do I sound like Ducky? ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) No. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Actually, these days he sounds more like you, Gibbs. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I'm not in the mood, Abs. ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) Well, maybe this will brighten your... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) ... Spirits. The semen sample from Jane Doe's murderer... matches the sample that Ducky gave me! (BEAT) This is good news, right? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Abs, that semen is from a ten year old cold case. (HANGS UP PHONE) (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) DUCKY: He's back, isn't he? Not again, Jethro. We can't let him escape again. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY DUCKY: (V.O.) I saw this trident carved into the neck of the victim at the crime scene and told no one. (ON CAMERA) Not even Gibbs. All I can do is apologize and assure you that such an inexcusable lapse of forensic protocol will never happen again. Right. Ten years ago, another Jane Doe was found raped and strangled in a culvert beside an athletic field at Norfolk. She, too, was a civilian dressed in the uniform of a Naval Lieutenant. She had a high blood alcohol level and a trident carved into the side of her neck. Abby has confirmed that sperm from both victims came from the same man. So we are pursuing a serial rapist and murderer. GIBBS: This note was found three days after the crime scene had been processed. KATE: A challenge to investigators. TONY: You think, Kate? GIBBS: I've asked Commander Reynolds to place our crime scene under discreet surveillance. Since ninety four was the first year we deployed women on warships, this wacko may be an enlisted man acting out a revenge fantasy. TONY: They investigate units with tridents on their patches? GIBBS: Gee, I don't think they thought about that, Tony. Yeah, they investigated every ship and shore division with female officers. Nada. Abs, do you need to go to the head? ABBY: No, I have a question. Isn't ten years a long time between murders? KATE: Absolutely. This doesn't fit a serial killer's profile. Ducky, could you pull the head shots up for me again, please? Now, if he goes to the trouble of dressing two civilians like a Lieutenant that he hates, why is one blonde and the other brunette? One Anglo, one Hispanic? TONY: They're both cute for being dead. GIBBS: He's a wacko! Maybe just being female and intoxicated was good enough. Unless Abby blew the sperm match... ABBY: No way! GIBBS: The same man killed both of them. Which means he didn't rape and murder for ten years because... TONY AND KATE: He was in prison! GIBBS: Hey! Okay, homework assignments. McGee? MCGEE: Boss. GIBBS: Search JAG records for sailors incarcerated after October of ninety four and... MCGEE: Recently released. On it. GIBBS: Kate, suspect interviews from ten years ago. If any of these men still live in Norfolk, question them. KATE: Okay. GIBBS: DiNozzo, flash this Jane Doe at every bar, club and strip joint within a mile of the Norfolk gate. Given the victim's blood alcohol level, maybe he picked her up in one of them. TONY: No problema. GIBBS: Abby, forensics may have missed something in ninety four. Go over it again. ABBY: Yes, professor. GIBBS: Come on people! Let's go! Let's go! Hey wait. Come here. You'll need Ducky's help. ABBY: No I won't. GIBBS: Ab. ABBY: Yes I will. Hey uh... Duckman! DUCKY: Yeah? ABBY: (V.O.) The cross polars in my polarizing light microscope won't center. DUCKY: (V.O.) That could be a problem. However, I think I have a solution. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BAR - DAY TONY: Hey. BARTENDER: How's NCIS doing? TONY: Well, according to my friends, I'm having some bad karma. Not that I believe in that stuff, but you know... BARTENDER: You really should, you know. TONY: Is that right? BARTENDER: Yeah. You see, I used to reject all things spiritual, mystical, and existential. But once I began to embrace them, my whole life started to blossom. TONY: She been in recently? BARTENDER: No. What'd she do? TONY: Got herself raped and killed. BARTENDER: Such a sweet countenance. TONY: Sweet countenance? BARTENDER: Yeah, that radiant look on her face. TONY: She doesn't look radiant. She's dead. BARTENDER: In that picture? TONY: Yeah, she's dead. BARTENDER: She's dead? TONY: She's dead. Why do you think her eyes are closed? BARTENDER: I thought she was meditating. TONY: Okay. Thanks. BARTENDER: Guess he doesn't believe in that either. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ATHLETIC FIELD - DAY (CLUXTON PICKS UP THE NOTE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well, have Petty Officer Cluxton deliver it ASAP. VOICE: (V.O./FILTERED) Do you want it in the over night? GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) No, the evening pouch will not do, Commander! GIBBS: He didn't wait three days. ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) Hello? GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Abs, Norfolk got a note...(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) ... From our wacko. ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Oooh. Did you catch him? GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) He made the drop before... (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) ...Our surveillance was in place. You'll have it in a couple hours. Listen, compare the ink, the paper... (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED)....The handwriting. ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Did you get DNA? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Did you get DNA off the first one? (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Yep. DNA testing was in the caveman era in ninety four. I'm good. I'm really good. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Gas pain? KATE: What? No! GIBBS: Well then stop grinning and tell me what you got. KATE: When he found the first Jane Doe while jogging, Petty Officer Goetz was in port on a carrier, the Teddy Roosevelt. GIBBS: Agent Dawes interrogated him a number of times on the Big Stick and here. KATE: Big Stick? GIBBS: Teddy Roosevelt. "Talk softly, carry a..." KATE: Carry a big stick. Cute. Goetz stayed in the Navy, is a Chief and arrived in Norfolk on the same carrier as the seamen who found our Jane Doe. The... Honest Abe. GIBBS: "Shall not Perish." KATE: What? GIBBS: Lincoln's not Honest Abe. It's "Shall Not Perish." KATE: What kind of a nickname is "Shall Not Perish?" GIBBS: Ask Chief Goetz when you pull him in for questioning. KATE: Okay. MCGEE: The Emancipator. That... that would be a good name for Abraham Lincoln. Since he uh... he signed the Emancipation Proclamation. Uh... the... GOETZ: (V.O.) This have to do with the body... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY GOETZ: ...I found ten years ago, Sir? GIBBS: Yeah. GOETZ: Isn't there a statute of limitations on questioning a suspect? GIBBS: I didn't say you were a suspect. GOETZ: Why else would I be here, Sir? GIBBS: Another body was found two nights ago. Same M.O. GOETZ: She have a trident here? He said he'd be back. GIBBS: Now how did you know that? Agent Dawes never told you. GOETZ: No, Sir. But he had me write out "I'll be back" with my right and left hand. Not too hard to figure out why. GIBBS: You arrived two days ago on the Abraham Lincoln? GOETZ: Yes, Sir. GIBBS: First night back, where'd you go? GOETZ: You think I raped and murdered her?! GIBBS: I never said she was raped. GOETZ: You said the same M.O. GIBBS: Where did you spend your first night ashore? (BEAT) Clubbing? GOETZ: I didn't leave the station. GIBBS: Six months at sea and your first night in port you spend it aboard ship? GOETZ: No, Sir. I said I didn't leave the station. I stayed with a friend. GIBBS: Stationed here at Norfolk? GOETZ: Yes, Sir. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Hey! Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Where's the five alarm? MCGEE: I think I have the suspect. Machinist Mate Harlan Wilson! He was there in October ninety four. Discharged that December. Arrested two months later in Toronto for sexually assaulting a female Canadian Naval officer. Got fifteen years. Paroled two months ago and is now living in Norfolk. TONY: I didn't know there were women in the Canadian Navy. MCGEE: I gotta tell Gibbs! TONY: Whoa, Probie. First you report to your immediate superior. MCGEE: I just did. TONY: Blah, blah, blah. Female Canadian Naval Officer. That's not reporting. MCGEE: That would be all you heard. TONY: Again, start with the name. GOETZ: (V.O.) Can't do that, Sir. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM- DAY GIBBS: Your friend married? GOETZ: No, Sir. GIBBS: An officer? GOETZ: Yes, Sir. So you see how I can't give you the name. GIBBS: Chief, I'm not interested in ruining careers. I need to know where you spent the night of the murder. GOETZ: (WHISPERS) Can we speak off the record, Sir? Just you and me? GIBBS: Kate. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Stop the tape. KATE: Stop the tape. TECHNICIAN: Yes, Ma'am. (DOOR OPENS) TONY: No sound? KATE: Gibbs is having a private interrogation. No sound, no video. TONY: McGee needs to talk to him. MCGEE: I'm not going to interrupt him. TONY: Kate? KATE: (CHUCKLES) No. TONY: Okay, fill her in, McGee. Tell her about Harlan Wilson. Meet me in the garage in five. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY GIBBS: (V.O.) I'm waiting, Chief. GOETZ: How do I know they stopped taping? GIBBS: Because I told them to. The name? GOETZ: Lieutenant Commander William McDougal. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. TRAILER PARK STREET - DAY TONY: Starsky, check this sweet seventies rod. Nice. All right, you be the Avon lady. I'll cover the rear. Yeah. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY AND MCGEE APPROACH THE TRAILER) TONY: What's the peekie, Probie? MCGEE: Doesn't look like anyone's home. TONY: I'd love to get a look inside while he's away. MCGEE: I told you we should get search authorization. TONY: No time. Besides it's a catch twenty two. MCGEE: It is? TONY: Yeah, we go inside and get something we shouldn't, we're screwed. We don't go inside and we don't get something we could have, we're more screwed. MCGEE: I'm not following you. TONY: That's because I'm a highly seasoned senior field agent and you're a pathetic... MCGEE: Probie. Yeah. TONY: You're a fast study, McGee. Fifteen seconds. Personal best. (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TRAILER - DAY TONY: Well, he's no Martha Stewart. (TONY WALKS THROUGH THE KITCHEN) (SFX: OVEN DOOR OPENS) TONY: Well, he's going to be home soon. MCGEE: How can you tell? TONY: Hungry Man in the oven. (SFX: PANS CLATTER TO THE FLOOR) TONY: A buck eighty freakin' five! (SFX: TRUCK DRIVES TO THE TRAILER) MCGEE: Pick up's pulling up! (F/X TONY SCRAMBLES TO LEAVE THE KITCHEN) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TRAILER - DAY (TRUCK DOOR CLOSES) TOM WILSON: Yeah? MCGEE: NCIS. TONY: Harlan Wilson? TOM WILSON: Tom Wilson. His big brother. TONY: Your kid brother around, Tom? TOM WILSON: No. MCGEE: He listed this address on his parole release. TOM WILSON: He was here. TONY: Do you know where he is now? TOM WILSON: Yeah. TONY: Well, we need to talk to him. TOM WILSON: Well that's going to be hard to do. He's been dead for six weeks. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Chief Goetz's alibi checks out. TONY: Where was he? GIBBS: With a friend. KATE: You're taking the word of a friend? GIBBS: No. Saliva swab to compare his DNA with sperm taken from the victims. Any other questions? Good. My turn. Where's McGee? TONY: He took Harlan's hairbrush to Abby to compare his DNA to the sperm. Probie won't give up on the obvious. GIBBS: Harlan Wilson was dead when the second murder occurred. Wasn't he, DiNozzo? TONY: Very dead, boss. Big mother heart attack. Fax of the death certificate. GIBBS: How many bars and clubs did you canvas? TONY: Twenty four, twenty five. GIBBS: Which was it? Twenty four or twenty five? TONY: You in a bad mood, boss? GIBBS: No! TONY: Didn't think so. I covered every one within a mile of the Norfolk main gate. Like you said. GIBBS: What about the other gates? TONY: You didn't ask me to look at I'm... I'm on that. GIBBS: Kate. You go with him. KATE: You want me to go bar hopping with Tony!? TONY: You've never been in a bar, have you? KATE: Not the kind sailors hang at. CLUXTON: Agent Gibbs? KATE: You can catch him at the rear elevator. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY CLUXTON: Agent Gibbs! GIBBS: Got the note, Petty Officer? CLUXTON: I do, Sir. Knowing how important the note is forensically, I jumped a ride with the CH-Fifty Three that was headed to Quantico, caught the Amtrak to D.C., then hailed a cab. GIBBS: Well, that's creative thinking, Petty Officer Cluxton. CLUXTON: Thank you, Sir. Are you taking the note to the lab now? I'm pretty interested in forensics, Sir. KATE: (V.O.) Tell me you're not serious about the last place. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BAR - DAY TONY: (LAUGHS) Completely serious, Kate. I mean, strip clubs are good for more than just fraternity bashes and bachelor parties. KATE: Yeah, you honestly think Bar Mitzvahs are appropriate? TONY: Oh, trust me. That one says welcome to manhood as perfectly as a skillful lap dance. Speaking of. Hello. EMPLOYEE: We don't open until six. TONY: And you're working here instead of catching rays at the beach in a thong. I know it's cold out. Probably too cold. You do wear a thong, don't you? KATE: Tony... TONY: Sorry. It's my humor. Not for everyone. NCIS Naval Criminal Investi-- EMPLOYEE: Yeah, I know what it means. What do you want? KATE: (V.O.) Tony. TONY: Well... KATE: Tony! TONY: What?! KATE: This is the girl playing the drums, isn't it? EMPLOYEE: Yeah, she hasn't been here the last three nights. What happened to her? KATE: Could you tell us her name? EMPLOYEE: Janice Santos. She isn't sleeping, is she? TONY: Not sleeping. EMPLOYEE: Oh, my god. KATE: We need an address. EMPLOYEE: What happened to her? TONY: She was raped and murdered. EMPLOYEE: Some man raped and murdered her? TONY: Yeah, it wasn't me. We're trying to catch the b*st*rd. EMPLOYEE: Sorry. It's just a...shock. KATE: Any ideas who could have done this? EMPLOYEE: No. God, no. TONY: Do you have the address? EMPLOYEE: Yeah, of course. I'll get it for you. TONY: She took that hard. KATE: Yeah. She sure did. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY CLUXTON: The writing looks the same to me, Special Agent McGee. MCGEE: Yeah, it's pretty similar, Petty Officer Cluxton. ABBY: There are slight discrepancies, within the range that a person's handwriting would change in ten years, Special Agent McGee. CLUXTON: What's this? MCGEE: Oh, that's a polarizing light microscope. Let me show you how to use it. ABBY: If you touch that, McGee, you'll be singing soprano. MCGEE: (WHISPERS) Yeah. Abby's under a lot of pressure. CLUXTON: What are you doing to the note? ABBY: Are you writing a book? CLUXTON: I'm just interested, Ma'am. ABBY: Looking for prints. MCGEE: The fumes are from heated super blue. In its gaseous form, its bonding capabilities enable us to obtain fingerprints. ABBY: Nothing. CLUXTON: Well, I'd better get back to Norfolk. Thanks for letting me observe, Ma'am. ABBY: Anytime. Look, not anytime. Sometime. Maybe. CLUXTON: Good seeing you again, Special Agent McGee. MCGEE: Likewise, Petty Officer Cluxton. (CLUXTON WALKS O.S.) ABBY: So are you two that formal when you're exchanging bodily fluids? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. APARTMENT - DAY (DOOR OPENS) TONY: (V.O.) Stay outside, Sir. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY AND KATE WALK THROUGH THE APARTMENT) TONY: Did Janice Santos always keep the place so empty? MANAGER: I don't know. KATE: No clothes. There are n personal effects. This place has been cleaned. TONY: We'd better call Gibbs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STAIRCASE - DAY GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well, DiNozzo, at least I can tell Ducky you I.D.ed Jane Doe number two. If her apartment's that clean, this Janice Santos probably knew her killer. When you're finished with the crime scene, bring everything back here. See you at Abby's in the morning. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY ABBY: DNA processing could take several days. But knowing the hyper-emergency of the case, I processed all of the sperm samples in just thirty-seven hours. GIBBS: Is it gonna be another thirty-seven before we get some results? ABBY: Okay, DNA off the first note matched the sperm. The killer wrote it. The second note... no prints... no DNA. KATE: What about the handwriting? ABBY: It could be a match. I sent a copy to an expert I met at a forensics conference in the Greenbrier. It's such a sweet place. They have golf, tennis, falconry... DUCKY: Falconry!? I hunted with a falcon in Scotland in my youth. ABBY: It's so cool. DUCKY: Yeah. Almost a lost art, I'm afraid. GIBBS: Like forensic reporting? ABBY: Okay, moving on to saliva, always a crowd pleaser. There is no way Chief Goetz's DNA comes close to matching the sperm. TONY: I guess you were right, boss. GIBBS: You guess? TONY: I know. GIBBS: Abby, why did you call us all in here when you have nothing? ABBY: But I do. I matched the DNA off the hair from the brush McGee gave me. Hellooo, Mister Wilson! The DNA matches the sperm found in both victims. GIBBS: That's impossible. Wilson had been dead weeks when Janice Santos was raped. ABBY: DNA does not lie. GIBBS: Hey. TONY: Hey, he died before she did, Boss! I swear. MCGEE: Boss, what if ... what if Wilson's semen was inserted in Janice Santos after she was murdered? KATE: Eww! GIBBS: How did the murderer get the semen? DUCKY: (V.O.) Same way I did. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: Looking at the time-code, this was the day before the murder. GIBBS: What is it, McGee? MCGEE: She's the one. TONY: Well, how can you tell? She's not even near the refrigerator. GIBBS: His gut. MCGEE: No no no. It's not just my gut, Boss. When I was back at Norfolk, Cynthia, Petty Officer Cluxton and I... we were friendly. ABBY: Really? GIBBS: Abby. MCGEE: She liked me... but not that way. TONY: What way would that be, Probie? MCGEE: I didn't ask, Tony, and she didn't tell. TONY: Cluxton's gay? Boss, we I.D.ed Janice Santos in a lesbian bar. MCGEE: There's more. Petty Officer Cluxton used her mother's name. Her father was an NCIS agent before... GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Special Agent Dawes. MCGEE: Boss, I didn't think about this until... I think that's her! GIBBS: That's okay. Run the tape. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Janice Santos was your lover. You met her at Flip Side. A lesbian bar. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY TONY: Which is why the bartender didn't respond to me. CLUXTON: Are you accusing me of being gay, Sir? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM GIBBS: No. No, I'm accusing you of murder. CLUXTON: Murder? I didn't murder anyone, Sir. GIBBS: Did she jilt you, Petty Officer? CLUXTON: I have no idea what you're talking about, Sir. GIBBS: It doesn't matter. We have you on tape moving semen from the Jane Doe case your father worked ten years ago. CLUXTON: Can you identify on that tape what I'm removing in the evidence locker, Sir? I can't. GIBBS: You copied the killer's M.O. from your father's case file. CLUXTON: I'm not sure where my father's case files are, Sir. GIBBS: You strangled Janice Santos, put her in a Navy uniform, carved a trident in her neck, inserted semen from the first murder in her v*g1n*. CLUXTON: Not true. None of it, Sir. GIBBS: Even left a note like the one found at the first crime scene. CLUXTON: I didn't leave that note. I found it. GIBBS: So who killed Janice Santos? CLUXTON: Obviously whoever murdered the Jane Doe ten years ago, Sir. GIBBS: No, not whoever. His name is Harlan Wilson. A former Machinist Mate stationed at Norfolk. CLUXTON: You caught him, Sir. GIBBS: No. No, but we matched his DNA to semen found in both victims. CLUXTON: And why are you accusing me? GIBBS: Harlan Wilson died five weeks before you killed Janice. CLUXTON: (BEAT) Damn! Damn! (SHOUTS) Damn! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CEMETERY - DAY DUCKY: It's time for our relationship to change, my dear. It's time for you to go home. But it's not the home you knew in this life, but I think you'll find peace here. From the way things turned out, so will I. (MUSIC OVER ENDING CREDITS AND OUT)

While on leave, two sailors discover the body of a young woman dressed in a Navy uniform and due to the fact that she has no ID on her is given the name, Lt. Jane Doe . However, the case becomes very personal for Ducky when he realizes that it bears a striking resemblance to a similar case that he investigated ten years ago. Concurrently, the petty officer who tended the new crime scene is a woman McGee knew in the recent past, but her seeming to help the team takes a twist when the new Jane Doe is identified by way of a surprise source.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_06x02

fd_Gilmore_Girls_06x02_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] (OPEN in front of the Twickham House, night. Lorelai & Sookie are standing there, looking up at it) LORELAI: It's big SOOKIE: That's what she said. LORELAI: Good one SOOKIE: Hey, I'm still twelve. LORELAI: I meant the house. It's very big. SOOKIE: Very sweet of Luke to have that dream of his. You two living in this house! LORELAI: What do you think there are? Twelve rooms? SOOKIE: At least! I mean you can really go to town in this place. You could have a dedicated sewing room. I mean, that's a no-brainer. LORELAI: Are you kidding? I could put a whole loom in one of those rooms. Indulge my long harboured desire to make tapestries SOOKIE: You've been long harbouring that one? LORELAI: I just thought of it, but yeah! SOOKIE: So it's all feeling good, huh? LORELAI: Well it's a little on the Versailles side. I mean I have to keep an eye out for peasants with pitchforks. SOOKIE: I meant the relationship. You're engaged for Gosh sakes! LORELAI: Yes! I'm aware! SOOKIE: And sticking? LORELAI: Yes, Sookie, it's sticking! SOOKIE: Good, good!... How 'bout now? LORELAI: I'm totally re-evaluating the whole thing. SOOKIE: Really? LORELAI: (exasperated) NO! SOOKIE: Well...You've got priors! LORELAI: Sookie! SOOKIE: You say one thing, but your heart says another. LORELAI: Please! Don't give me the whole litany. Especially one that sounds so much like a Kenny Chesney song. SOOKIE: I'm just being honest. LORELAI: (determined) I'm not going to bolt. I'm staying put. SOOKIE: Good. (knowingly) Because the eyes will give you away. LORELAI: What do you mean? SOOKIE: If you're thinking of bolting they'll pop out on you, like that runway bride. It's like the eyes are trying to run away first. LORELAI: Sookie look at my eyes. (Sookie looks into Lorelai's eyes) SOOKIE: OK... LORELAI: How do they look? SOOKIE: Pretty socked in there. LORELAI: And there they will remain. Everything's good. Promise SOOKIE: Good. Pretty eyes too. LORELAI: I'm taken. SOOKIE: Sorry! LORELAI: (turns to look back at the house) WOW! SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: Is it me or... SOOKIE: (looks up at the house too) Nope! I think it just got bigger. LORELAI: That's what she said. SOOKIE: Good grief. LORELAI: What!? You can be twelve, but I can't be twelve? SOOKIE: No...You can be twelve. LORELAI: Thank you. (OPENING CREDITS) (CUT to Community Service orientation. A supervisor is walking around the room, explaining the rules. All the "felons" are sitting on desks)) SUPERVISOR: Remember to sign in at the get-go. If you do not sign in your work that day will not count against your community service hours, so do it! Same thing at the end. Sign out. Don't forget! Each shift is three and a half hours. Double shifts will include a half hour lunch break and it's bring your own. (picks up a stack of papers and hands them to a person sitting at one of the front desks). Take one down and pass it around. (camera pans to the "felons" sitting and follows as the papers get passed around the room). These are your guidelines. They outline safety procedures, behaviour requirements etc. If you cause any trouble you will come back here to see me, something I do not want to happen. Now lets talk about what you will not bring. First on the list weapons of any kind. I'll state the obvious first. You will not bring a gun. You will not bring chains. You will not bring knives of any kind, including penknives, nail files, razor blades, carpet cutters. (camera pans to Rory, she looks out of place with all the other people in the orientation) You will not bring rope, you will not bring brass knuckles or anything that can be used as a truncheon. (CUT to Luke's diner, morning. Luke & Lorelai come down from the apartment talking) LUKE: And they have those flash light thingies LORELAI: Yeah! That's the right name for those. Flash Light Thingies. LUKE: And Jedi powers of mind control, and they can move things, so they're telekinetic. And they hover on their jet saucers over molten lava, and they can jump and fly around like they're in Cirque Du Soleil... LORELAI: Ah! Coffee, please. (Luke goes behind the counter to get the coffee, Lorelai sits on a stool) LUKE:...But what gives one Jedi knight the edge over the other, huh? The ultimate advantage? They stand on a mound of dirt and declare, "you can't win. I've got the high ground." LORELAI: Dude, if he said it that's the way it is. It's a fictional world. LUKE: He's four feet up a little sloap, and that wipes out all the other guys powers to fly, jump around, move things with his brain, use his flashlight thingy? LORELAI: You've got to learn the right term for that flashlight thingy! LUKE: This has been bugging me! LORELAI: For months! We saw that movie months ago. You've got to let it go. LUKE: I can't! LORELAI: George Lucas owns San Fransisco now. That's a city! You can't argue with a man who owns a city. LUKE: All the other guy has to do is scurry onto land, run up a hill a bit, and then he has the high ground. I mean, they can fly jetpods, but they can't scurry? LORELAI: Go on a website or something, OK? Cause there are thousands...no, millions of your kind out there debating all the minutiae of, not just this Star Wars movie, but every Star Wars movie! LUKE: You drag me to see these movies. LORELAI: No, you wanted to see that movie. LUKE: So I can't critique it because I wanted to see it? LORELAI: That's how it works. LUKE: What about "Bewitched"? LORELAI: (closes her eyes and breathes deep in restrain) Okay, I'm sorry. They screwed up "Bewitched". Nicole Kidman, good choice. But that concept? LUKE: You should go on a website LORELAI: No! but "Bewitched" is iconic!...Dr. Bombay, Larry Tate. There was no Larry Tate. LUKE: (a bit condescending) Hey! Let it go! We saw this months ago! LORELAI: This is different. You can't have "Bewitched" without Larry Tate. LUKE: Here's your coffee. LORELAI: (sighs and takes the to go cup) So should we stop going to movies? LUKE: We should stop caring. LORELAI: OK! Bye doll! LUKE: Bye (They kiss and Lorelai exits the diner. Camera follows as Luke walks behind the counter and as he reaches to clean a table we see TJ cleaning up some shelves. He starts to stroke them lovingly) TJ: You see these? LUKE: Yeah, I saw them before TJ. Stop doing that. It's creepy. TJ: (stands up straight by the shelves proudly) Some of my best work these shelves. LUKE: They seem very shelfy. TJ: You're not excited. LUKE: I tend not to get to excited about things like shelves. TJ: I hate that you've lost the little boy in you. LUKE: Don't cry for me (They walk away from the table. Luke goes behind the counter. TJ follows from the other side of the counter) TJ: By the way, I'm throwing in my top shelf as an engagement gift for you, brother-in-law. LUKE: Great! Thanks. TJ: Of course, my per-shelf rate's gone up since we last talked. So it all comes out to the same money. LUKE: Yeah...well, funny how that works. TJ: It's very exciting that Lorelai's gonna be my sister-in-law. Having another hot girl in the family is gonna be tres cool. LUKE: Uh-huh. TJ: People are really gonna stare when the two of us are squiring our delectable wives around. LUKE: I don't know just how much mutual squiring you and I are going to be doing. TJ: You got to admit our wives are hot. (draws in the air with his hands a woman's body) Va-va to the voom. LUKE: (disturbed) T.J... Your wife is my sister. TJ: That don't make you blind, does it? Va-va...(starts to do the air drawing thing again) LUKE: Don't go to the voom again! TJ: Mr. Sensitive. LUKE: You're done here, right? Don't you have somewhere to go? TJ: I'm pretty free. I was gonna go home and watch "Bewitched" on dvd, but your woman spoiled that for me. LUKE: Yeah...I got to check something out in the storeroom. (starts walking towards the storeroom. TJ follows him and stops him before he leaves) TJ: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait. Wait. Wait. I need your okay on something. LUKE: As long as it doesn't involve my sister. TJ: It pays to advertise, right? I want to put a sign up on the shelves to let people know who did them. "Shelves by AJ" LUKE: AJ? Why AJ? Why not TJ? TJ: 'Cause I'm going in the yellow pages, and I want to be up at the top. "T" puts me after everything except "u," "v," "w," "x," "y," and "z" and I think a few others. Smart, huh? LUKE: Yeah, well I just don't want you advertising here, T.J. TJ: Well, is it okay if I give out my card to any inquiring party? (gets out a card from his toolbelt and gives it to Luke) LUKE: Sure, if they inquire, give them a card. (reads the card) You crossed out "Ralph's Shoe Repair" and wrote in "AJ Construction." That's your card? TJ: I don't technically have cards. So I take them from other businesses and write my own stuff in it. LUKE: You wanna...You might want to cross out the picture of the guy shining the boot. It might confuse things. TJ: Thanks. (Luke exits to the storeroom) What a team, huh? What a team? (TJ approaches two customers sitting on the counter) How about those shelves, huh? You plus your fat cousins could sit on them. They wouldn't break. They're that strong. Here, take a card. (gives them a card) (CUT outside to Stars Hollow pet fair, same day. Lorelai is walking around looking at the animals) LORELAI: Hello, porky! Hello. O-h-h-H! Well, I'm feeling a little guilty because of the you-L.T I had yesterday. That's right, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Hi, fellas. What's up? You both look like killers. (sees a cage with a cute furry mutt) Hey. Hey, you! Oh, someone seems very happy. FAIR SALES PERSON: He likes you, and he's picky. LORELAI: He's cute. You're cute. You're shaggy cute. Oh, we got a love thing going on, don't we? (Miss Patty approaches Lorelai) MISS PATTY: (accusingly) What are you doing? LORELAI: I'm just enjoying the animals, Patty. MISS PATTY: (to fair sales person) Honey, this is not right. She can't have a love thing with a dog. FAIR SALES PERSON: She can't? LORELAI: Yes, I can. Go about your business there, Patty. MISS PATTY: You must have her name on some blacklist back there, don't you? FAIR SALES PERSON: We don't have a blacklist. MISS PATTY: But this is Lorelai Gilmore. LORELAI: Ignore her. (to Patty) This dog loves me. And the pig...the pig loved me. MISS PATTY: It looks dead. LORELAI: It's sleeping. (to fair sales person) They sleep, right? FAIR SALES PERSON: Actually, that's very unusual for her to be sleeping. (to anohter fair member) Meg, make sure the pig's okay. LORELAI: Yeah, the pig's fine. MISS PATTY: (accusingly) You didn't touch it, did you? LORELAI: I did not kill the pig, Patty. MISS PATTY: You got a bad record. You got to admit it. LORELAI: That thing with the hamster was a long time ago. It was a long time ago! And..and it was only a hamster. I mean it's not really in the same category as dog or pig, now, is it? MISS PATTY: What about the rabbit? LORELAI: Okay, the rabbit was sick when I got it. It was sick when I got it! It was actually very humanitarian of me to take it in the first place. MISS PATTY: And that poor turtle. It was supposed to outlive you. LORELAI: Kay! You're really kind of bringing down the pet fair here, Patty. MISS PATTY: Honey, go see "March Of The Penguins." That's really as close to the animals as you should get. (walks away) LORELAI: (to fair sales person) She's a comedienne, that one. She just gets a bit, and then she keeps on going, you know, even with one that's not funny. It's a (far sales person walks away)...(to the dog) Hi. See you later, kiddo. LIZ: (running towards Lorelai) Lorelai! LORELAI: Liz, hi. (they hug) LIZ: You and Luke engaged! LORELAI: Yes, we are! LIZ: I want to eat your face. LORELAI: Is that good? LIZ: You're my sister-in-law. Mrs. Danes, not that you're changing your name. You don't got to. Go modern. LORELAI: Oh, I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. LIZ: (takes Lorelai's hand in hers and inspects the ring) This ring. My brother has good taste. LORELAI: Yes, he does. LIZ: You ever see my ring?(hold out her ring finger) It's a beaut, huh? LORELAI: Definitely. LIZ: Had a problem with it for a while. It turned my finger green. LORELAI: Well, that's common with metal. LIZ: No, it's worse than that. The finger turned green, then it turned blue, then purple. So, I went to this doctor, and he's talking amputation. LORELAI: Oh, my god! LIZ: But TJ picked it out for me, so I love it, I really do. LORELAI: It's the thought that counts. LIZ: Well, I got to get going. I actually have a finger-therapy session I have to go to. Sister-in-laaaws! (hold up her ring, and Lorelai reluctantly joins her) LORELAI: Sister-in-laws! LIZ: Oh, I'm a jerk. LORELAI: What? LIZ: I forgot to ask you about Rory. LORELAI: Right. LIZ: So, is she staying here with you during the summer break? LORELAI: (uncomfortable) Oh, well, actually...Luke didn't tell you about all this? LIZ: All what? LORELAI: She's staying with her grandparents for the summer. LIZ: Really? LORELAI: For a change of pace. And she'll be working and...yeah. LIZ: Ah! Your whole extended family. You, your parents, so close. It's nice. LORELAI: Yes, it is. LIZ: Ow. LORELAI: What? LIZ: My finger. Gotta run. Bye. (walks away) LORELAI: Uh...Bye, Liz. (sighs) Looks back at the furry mutt. To fair sales pesron) I'll take him. (CUT to Gilmore mansion dinning room. Emily and Richard are having a rather rich breakfast and are working on their schedules) EMILY: So the 14th works? RICHARD: Yeah, works for me. My god, we're busier than that Anne Coulter. EMILY: Who? RICHARD: That blond bean pole on TV. If she walked over a subway grate, she'd fall right through. EMILY: We need to talk to the gardener. RICHARD: Try! I've given up. EMILY: I told him to take that mp3 device off his head while he worked, and he did. Then I hid behind the curtains, and he put his mp3 device right back in his ears. (Rory walks in the dinning room and stand around awkwardly) RICHARD: We're paying him too much if he's able to afford an mp3 device. EMILY: Well he's got to focus on the lawn. Morning, Rory. RORY: Hi. RICHARD: The patches of brown. Good morning, Rory. RORY: Morning. EMILY: OH, speaking of which, we have a cocktail gathering on Wednesday. RICHARD: How was "patches of brown" speaking of which? EMILY: It's the Sterling-Olivers. RICHARD: The age spots. EMILY: You worship the sun, you pay the price. RICHARD: (chuckles) So, Wednesday with the Oliv...wait a minute. We already have cocktails with the Bransons on Wednesday. EMILY: We'll do a drink at each. RICHARD: Huh, we've done it before. EMILY: Rory, sit, sit! RORY: OK. (sits at her usual place) RICHARD: We're staying on top of your car, by the way. RORY: My car? RICHARD: Mmmm. It's still in the shop. What is with our government? Impounding a car and damaging it in the process. EMILY: Then refusing to pay for the damage. RICHARD: I should tell Scooter Libby about this. I keep forgetting I know a man on the inside. I'll give him a call. EMILY: Before an indictment comes down. RORY: I'm sorry. EMILY: For what? RORY: Well my car is impounded because of the thing with the yacht. EMILY: (dismissive) That's forgotten. RICHARD: (equally dismissive) Totally forgotten. EMILY: (continuing to be dismissive) It didn't happen. RICHARD: We'll get you through this community service. Then we'll be through with the matter. EMILY: Was the orientation horrible? RORY: No, it went fine. I start my first hours in a couple days. EMILY: You're bearing this angelically. RICHARD: (looks at his watch) Oh, I've got to run! EMILY: (looks at her watch) Oh, look at that. Me too. (Richard & Emily stand up) RICHARD: Goodbye, Rory. Have a nice day. EMILY: Eat the rest of this. RORY: (Richard kisses the top of her head) I'll try. EMILY: And give the fabric samples in the pool house a good look. The longer we wait, the longer it takes. RORY: I'll give them a good look (as Richard and Emily start to exit music starts to play) EMILY: What's that? RICHARD: That's my new ring tone. EMILY: I love it. RICHARD: I'll have Katie come up with some appropriate suggestions for yours. Maybe some Burt Bacharach. EMILY: Wonderful. (the grand parents leave. Rory is left alone in the huge dinning room) (CUT to pool house. Rory is sitting on one of the armchairs with the fabic samples on them watching the pool scene from "The Graduate" wearing a bathing suit and a skirt) (CUT to main house. We hear the vacuum. Rory enters walking around bored. The vacuum stops working and the maid walks by. Rory waves at her the maid smiles and walks away. After a beat Rory follows her) (CUT to the mansion's kitchen. The maid is doing some work as Rory walks in) RORY: (pointing at the coffee maker) May I? ESPERANZA: Si. RORY: (pours some coffee) Esperanza, right? ESPERANZA: Si, Esperanza. RORY: Tu nombre es muy bonito. ESPERANZA: Hablas espa ol? RORY: Um, no hablo bien, y no hablo mucho. ESPERANZA: Lo hablas muy bien. RORY: De d nde eres? ESPERANZA: De Guatemala. RORY: Guatemala. Tienes familia alli? ESPERANZA: Oh, s , tengo mucha familia, y quiero traer a mi mama aqui. RORY: Oh, si. Y cuantos anos tiene tu mama? ESPERANZA: 72 anos. RORY: Oh! (they chuckle) (CUT to kitchen later on. Rory & Esperanza are in deep conversation polishing silver together. Emily walks in) RORY: Le gusta ver footbol en la televisi n o le gusta jugar? EMILY: Rory! RORY: Oh! Grandma, you scared me. ESPERANZA: Hello, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: What is going on in here? RORY: Um, we were just...well, we were polishing silver. EMILY: Esperanza, the vacuum is still sitting in the foyer. (at the maids blanc stare) The vacuum! THE VACUUM! ESPERANZA: Oh, si! Si. (exits in a rush) EMILY: (to Rory) Tell me she didn't ask you to help. RORY: Oh, no, no. She didn't. I just...I don't know. I just thought, I would pitch in. EMILY: Well, you shouldn't. This is her job, she's paid to do this. RORY: I know. EMILY: And what was that language? RORY: Spanish. EMILY: Spanish? They don't like it when you talk to them, Rory. It throws them off their axis. RORY: She seemed fine. EMILY: (inspects Rory's outfit) Is that a bathing suit? RORY: Yeah. Yeah, I was gonna go swimming earlier. (seeing Emily's stern face) In fact, I think I'll go do that now. EMILY: Yes, a swim would be good. RORY: OK. Well, see you later. (Rory exits. Emily looks around at the silverware Rory was polishing and sighs) (CUT to Lorelai's house, night. There is a knock on the door. Lorelai answers. Luke comes in) LUKE: Hey! You ready to go? LORELAI: Come in, come in, come in! I want to show you something. LUKE: OK. LORELAI: (giggles) Or...more accurately, I want to show you someone. (they walk in the living room, which is filled with doggie stuff) Ta-da! Where'd he go? LUKE: Where'd who go? What's all this crap? LORELAI: (disappointed) Aaaww! Yoo-hoo! Come on, dude. We had it all rehearsed and everything. A! Aha! Ha ha. Yeah. Okay. (produces the dog from behind an armchair) Ta-da! LUKE: (surprised and weirded out) It's a dog. LORELAI: Yeah! Very good. (to the dog in a funny voice) He's smart, too. Not as smart as you.(carries him to the coffee table and sets him there, sits next to him and starts to pet him) LUKE: What are you doing with a dog? LORELAI: I bought him. Doesn't he look happy? LUKE: Yeah, I guess. (disbelievingly) You bought a dog! LORELAI: Yeah, and he loves me. And he doesn't give his love easily. The only drawback is the name. Cocoa. It's too cutesy. But he's a rescue, so I don't want to freak him out by giving him a new name right away, so, I'm gonna get to the name I want to givr him in baby steps. For the first week, I'll call him Cocoa to get him acclimated. LUKE: Acclimated. LORELAI: Second week, I'm gonna call him Cokey. Third week "Kooky". Fourth week "Tooky". LUKE: So, you're gonna name him Tooky? LORELAI: No. I'm gonna name him Paul Anka, but it's gonna take a while to get to Paul Anka. LUKE: Yeah, I'd say so. LORELAI: (gets up from the table) And, you know, this little guy has already taught me something I didn't know! Just because they make it for a dog doesn't mean a dog is gonna like it. Toys, including squeakies (picks up a toy and squeezes it, makes a sound) and the "whazzup" variety (picks up another toy that looks like a monkey, squeezes it and it says "whazzup?"): No interest. Rawhide bones: no interest. Popcorn: scared of it. LUKE: Scared of popcorn? LORELAI: Yeah, and also of tissue holders, paperbacks, cds, framed pictures, and lint. Oh! And when I drink something, he gets freaked out like I'm gonna die, and I have to pick him up and rock him like a baby until he calms down. It's been quite a first day for us. LUKE: Look, should I ask the question that immediately came to mind when I first saw the thing, or should I just shut up? LORELAI: No. Shoot. LUKE: Is it okay for you to... LORELAI: (cuts Luke off)...That hamster was defective. Period. Plus, they only live like three years, I looked it up. And...and...and he would have been dead by now anyway. So, world, stop with the hamster already. LUKE: But the turtle... LORELAI: (cuts him off again) The same thing with the turtle. LUKE: Yeah, but they live to be 90. LORELAI: I will take care of this dog. I promise. Now, would you like a beer? LUKE: Sure. LORELAI: OK. Just distract him while I'm drinking. And don't let him see the (whispers) bottle opener. (they walk to the kitchen. PA is left in the living room) (CUT to Lorelai's kitchen, continuous. Luke and Lorelai enter. Lorelai goes to the fridge) LUKE: How much did you spend on all this? LORELAI: Tons. (gets two beers out of the fridge and gives one to Luke) LUKE: For a stupid dog. LORELAI: You're acting like you don't like dogs. LUKE: I don't like dogs. LORELAI: (PA enters the kitchen) Shh! He heard you. LUKE: He speaks English? LORELAI: Since when do you not like dogs? LUKE: Since all the times I made that really, really clear, which is every time I've ever been around a dog. LORELAI: What is there not to like about dogs? LUKE: (sits at the table. Lorelai puts some food for PA) They're dirty, they're a pain to train, they're a pain to wash, they bark when they shouldn't, they jump on you when you don't want them to, they chew things, they shed, they lick themselves, they make your house smell, they make your car smell, and they make you smell. LORELAI: (sighs and joins him at the table) You know I think it's very sad that you've lost the little boy in you. LUKE: The little boy didn't like dogs, either. LORELAI: Oh! You know. I just realized what this is. This is our thing. LUKE: What thing? LORELAI: This tradition of ours. You claim to hate everything at first, but it's just your initial stance in a negotiation. And then we talk, and our opinions merge, and we find a happy middle. LUKE: No. A lot of times, it's just how I feel, and my mind doesn't change.(PA goes over to his food bowl) LORELAI: OK, oh! he's eating. Come on, let's go! (she gets up and gestures Luke to follow) But don't make any sudden movements, and don't drink and don't look at him. He's very self-conscious about his eating. I'm the same way. That's how I know this is gonna work! Go! Go, go, go! (they exit the kitchen and stare at PA while he's eating through the kitchen door window) LUKE: You do realize your dog has just driven us out of the house? LORELAI: Don't worry. He's a quick eater. Come on. (they start walking) (CUT to Lorelai's porch, continuous. Lorelai and Luke are walking on the porch) LORELAI: Shh. LUKE: This is silly. LORELAI: What? We can hang out here. It's a nice night. (they sit on the couch on the porch) Okay. Now, fill me in. How was your day? LUKE: Well, I talked to some contractors about the Twickham House. LORELAI: Oh, yeah? LUKE: As soon as we make the offer, they'll let us in. We can start planning stuff. Remodelling, whatever. LORELAI: Good. LUKE: And as soon as we're out of escrow, we can start work. LORELAI: Cool. Excellent. LUKE: I was thinking we could even pull the crew over here. Do some quick touch-ups before selling. LORELAI: Wait. Touch-ups? Where? Here? LUKE: Yeah. It hasn't been painted in a while. Fixing it up will help it sell. LORELAI: Right. You know, I've been thinking? LUKE: What? LORELAI: Maybe...we should...hang on to this house. LUKE: To rent? LORELAI: No! Not to rent. To use...in some other way. LUKE: What other way? LORELAI: Uh...I don't know. we...It could be, like, a paint studio. LUKE: We don't paint. LORELAI: Well, maybe we'll start. Maybe it's the lack of a studio that's kept us from realizing our love of watercolours. LUKE: I don't have a love of watercolours. LORELAI: Or I could use it as my recording studio. That would be cool, huh? And when I'm not laying down tracks, I could rent it out to Korn or Iggy Pop or someone. Right? You and me just hanging with Iggy Pop, rocking out, telling stories. Ig's got stories! LUKE: (understanding drawing on him) Uh-huh. LORELAI: Or we could use it as a safe house, in case we decide to take up a life of crime. (through the window PA walks up on the staircase and lies down) LUKE: I doubt we're going to do that. LORELAI: Well, we could be wrongly accused of a crime we did not commit. And then we'd have to hide out until society realized the mistake, and then we'd be like, "Hey, no hard feelings. It happens. This is a great country, and thank god we had the safe house." LUKE: If you want, we can just hang on to it and rent it out. LORELAI: I don't want anyone else living in it. LUKE: They can't live in it, but they can record songs in it? LORELAI: I just think we could use this place. Think about it, OK? LUKE: Yeah, sure. We'll think about it. LORELAI: OK. (looks around into the living room and gasps) Oh, look, he's done. And he's in there fast asleep. LUKE: Great! Let's go back in. LORELAI: OK. Just be careful because he gets scared when you wake him up. LUKE: Of course. LORELAI: OK. (they start walking back to the house) Oh, and try not to say any words that begin with the letter "Q". (CUT to Gilmore mansion, night. Rory walks in and enters the living room. Richard & Emily seem to be waiting for her) RORY: Hi. I got your note. EMILY: Come in, dear. RICHARD: We just wanted to speak to you for a minute. EMILY: Sit, sit. (Rory sits on one of the couches) RICHARD: We have a club soda all ready for you here. EMILY: Is that all right? We can make you something else. RORY: No, that's fine. My drink of choice, thank you. (Rory drinks, Emily & Richard stare at her. He hear a grandfather clock ticking in the backround. Rory seems a bit uncomfortable) Refreshing! RICHARD: Now, you said something before about wanting a job. RORY: Yes! RICHARD: You're low on money, and I know you'd prefer to earn it rather than be given it...You're a Gilmore. RORY: Mmhuh. RICHARD: Your grandmother and I are ready to help you with that. RORY: With a job? RICHARD: That's right. RORY: Well, um, the job thing was before my court thing. 300 hours of community service in 6 months...it's a full-time job in itself, which kind of limits my options as far as work. EMILY: That's where we come in. We can swing a couple of options for you that it'll give you the flexibility you need. RORY: Really? RICHARD: There are all sorts of things out there for a bright girl such as yourself. They'll bend their schedules for you. EMILY: I'll make some appointments and let you know what they are. RORY: All right. Well, thank you. Thank you very much. (a new maid enters with a tray) EMILY: Have you met Draguta? She's from Romania. RORY: Hi. (the maid looks at Rory in a stern manner and walks away, Rory is taken aback) [SCENE_BREAK] (CUT to Lorelai's front porch, morning. Lorelai and PA exit the house. PA waits at the top of the few steps, while Lorelai goes down. She turns around as she realises the dog is not following her. She goes back up the steps and pics PA up) LORELAI: That's right. I forgot. You don't like the stairs. Come on, Paul Anka. That's right. I'm skipping the fancy in-between thing and going straight for the gold. I'm calling you Paul Anka. Paul Anka the dog. (Lorelai walks off the screen with the dog in her arms. PA barks aggressively) You don't like mail boxes, got it! (CUT to Gilmore Mansion patio, morning. Rory walks in and there are a bunch of ladies sitting with Emily, having drinks, tea, etc. They are chatting) RORY: Oh, excuse me. EMILY: Rory, what a coincidence. We were just talking about you earlier. RORY: You were? EMILY: Come in. Sit with us for a minute. DAR LADY1: This is Rory? NORA: She's made of porcelain. RORY: Uh...I didn't mean to interrupt. DAR LADY2: Beautiful skin. (Rory walks towards the ladies and sits on chair next to Emily) DAR LADY3: Like one of your lladros. NORA: I want to miniaturize her and set her on my mantel. EMILY: You've interrupted nothing. DAR LADY3: Nora was just defending her choice. RORY: Her choice? EMILY: Cover your ears, Rory. NORA: It's Alexander Hamilton, no debate. DAR LADY3: Over Washington. DAR LADY!: And Jefferson. NORA: Direct, proud. That chin and those blazing eyes. EMILY: They're discussing the forefathers. DAR LADY1: Choosing, to be more accurate. RORY: Which was the greatest? NORA: Lover. RORY: Oh, dear. EMILY: Girls, please. She's just a child. DAR LADY3: Most of us picked Washington or Jefferson. There was one vote for James Madison. EMILY: Two abstentions. NORA: And I chose the stud on the 10. EMILY: It's the drinks. I have to start watering them down. DAR LADY1: So, we finally meet the famous Rory. RORY: I'm famous? EMILY: You're wanted. DAR LADY3: She's perfect for us. RORY: For what? EMILY: A job's opened up at our DAR Office downtown. NORA: We need someone smart, sharp-looking. DAR LADY1: And the hours are extremely flexible. EMILY: It just fell out of the sky into our laps. Isn't that something? RORY: Yes. EMILY: You can even work from home occasionally. It's mostly phone work. NORA: You'd be perfect for us. RORY: Well, thank you all for thinking of me. And, yes, it does sound perfect. EMILY: Good. DAR LADY3: When did you join, Rory? RORY: Join? DAR LADY3: The DAR. RORY: Oh, um...well, I haven't. EMILY: Yet. DAR LADY1: She'd have to join to work in the office. RORY: Oh. NORA: Don't worry. The term "shoo-in" was coined for a figurine like you. EMILY: Don't worry. The paperwork's all filled out and ready. It's a formality. NORA: Do you not eat? Do you not drink? The Irish coffee is astounding. EMILY: Oh, yes. Rory, our meeting's done. We're just gabbing. Go change and join us. NORA: And be thinking of the forefather you fancy. RORY: Well, um, I...I can't. EMILY: Why not? RORY: Uh, because I have my, um... EMILY: Your...? RORY: (gestures with her head) My thing. EMILY: Your thing. RORY: Um...(leans towards Emily and whispers in her ear) my community service. You were supposed to drive me. EMILY: Oh, yes. Ladies, I'm sorry. Rory and I have a little outing, and we were having so much filthy fun I forgot the time. (the ladies get up and start to leave) DAR LADY1: Doing a little shopping, Emily? EMILY: Something like that. DAR LADY1: Well, have fun. DAR LADY3: Lovely gathering, Emily. EMILY: Thank you, girls. NORA: (to Rory) Oh, you're going to match the drapes in our office perfectly. (she exits) (CUT to Lorelai's driveway, morning. Lorelai parks the Jeep in the driveway and gets out of the car) LORELAI: Come on, boy. Jump out. (PA jumps out of the car) Good boy. Not afraid of jumping. That's something. (as she starts walking towards the house she notices a man standing outside her bedroom window on the roof) Uh, excuse me. GEAORGE: Hello. LORELAI: Hello. I'm Lorelai, the owner of the house you're standing on. GEARGE: I'm George. LORELAI: Hi, George. I'm just trying to think of how to ask this in a polite way. Um, are you committing some sort of crime? GEORGE: No. LORELAI: But if you were, would you tell me? (another man walks out to the porch from inside the house) Hello. SAUL: Howdy. LORELAI: (to herself) Fight or flight? Fight or flight? LUKE: Hey! LORELAI: (Luke joins George up on the roof) Luke! LUKE: This is George. LORELAI: Oh, we've met. SAUL: And I'm Saul. LORELAI: Hi, Saul. LUKE: (to George) Get what you need? GEORGE: Just about. Saul, you get what you need? SAUL: Just about. LORELAI: Wow. I was this close to screaming and siccing the dog on you. (turns to point at PA, who is now in the car with the door closed) How did you get the door closed? LUKE: We're just about done. LORELAI: Wha...Done with what? LUKE: Sizing the situation. LORELAI: What situation? LUKE: About how many silent joists we need to carry out. LORELAI: What's a joist? LUKE: The things that support the load. LORELAI: What load? LUKE: The load from the extension. LORELAI: Okay, this has officially become the worst first draft of "Who's on first?" in history. LUKE: It's about enlarging the bedroom. To live here. LORELAI: Here? You wanna live here? LUKE: Sure. I don't have a lot of stuff. We just need a little more closet space. A bigger bathroom, bigger bedroom. LORELAI: I always wanted a bigger bedroom. LUKE: Well, looks like we can do it. LORELAI: But what about the Twickham House? LUKE: Too damn big. We can get along fine here for a while. Maybe forever. It's a great house. You love this house. LORELAI: I do love this house. LUKE: I know. I figured that out from your sudden interest in laying down tracks and becoming a painter. LORELAI: Come down here so I can kiss you. All of you. LUKE: We'll just be a minute. LORELAI: (walks back to the car to get PA. As she reaches to open the door) You locked the door? Dude, come on! I mean, I've got the key, but I'm really curious how you did this. (CUT to outside, morning. Emily's car drives up to the community service's get-go. Rory and Emily are having a conversation as Emily parks the car. Emily is reading some things from a sheet of paper) EMILY: Let's see what else. "When you're eating in the mess hall, never reach across the prisoner next to you". It's a provocation. It'll get you a fork in your hand. RORY: I don't think there's going to be a mess hall. EMILY: Well, wherever you're eating, that would apply. What else? "Don't be arrogant". But you're not arrogant. "Don't let anyone give you anything or lend you anything, period. It can get you injured, or killed or turned out". I'm not sure what "turned out" means, but they're very careful to warn you off it. RORY: Got it. EMILY: Now, "if somebody approaches you with a shiv..." RORY: Do you know what a shiv is, grandma? EMILY: No, what is it? RORY: It's like a crude knife, carved from a soda can. EMILY: Oh!...that must be why they advise you to "yell for a hack to come help you." What's a hack? RORY: Where did you get this, grandma? EMILY: I had your grandfather's secretary find me info on interacting with fellow prisoners. RORY: But we're not prisoners. We're just doing community service. EMILY: (eyeing the rest of the people of the Community Service) They look like prisoners. RORY: Well, you know, sitting here in the jag staring at them is probably not going to help my popularity. EMILY: Oh, you're right. That's on the list, too. Staring: it's bad. You shouldn't do it for more than one or two seconds. RORY: I won't. EMILY: And they really emphasize that you should "keep your fight face at home". I'm guessing that's any sort of aggressive expression, whether you're staring at the person or not. Fight face...remember that. RORY: Okay. I'll be fine, Grandma. Thanks for driving me. EMILY: Wait. (gives Rory a fancy paper bag, probably with Ror's lunch) Here. That's better than a paper bag. RORY: (looking at it in a weird way) Yes, it is. EMILY: Oh, and here. (gives Rory a pack of cigarettes) RORY: Cigarettes? EMILY: To barter. It's currency to these people. RORY: Thank you, Grandma. I'll call you when I'm done. EMILY: Bye, now. And remember, don't stare. (Rory nods and gets out of the car. She walks towards the rest of the group. They eye her in a funny way) RORY: (uncomfortable offers the pack of cigarettes) Anyone want a smoke? (CUT to Luke's diner, morning. Luke and George are sitting at a table discussing the remodel. Liz is sitting at a table near by) GEORGE: Then you've got to decide on your extras. We can slap up some molding. LUKE: Yeah, molding's good. Lorelai'll like that. LIZ: She will. She will like that. LUKE: (stares at Liz for a beat) Let's figure on molding of some kind. GEORGE: Good. LIZ: Good. GEORGE: We can add a wainscot, too. And we could do a lugged architrave on the overdoor. LUKE: Great! LIZ: Oh! I love a lugged architrave. LUKE: (frustrated) Liz. LIZ: (turns to Luke & George's table) Oh, hi. (extends a greeting hand to George) I'm Liz. LUKE: My sister. GEORGE: Hi, Liz. LIZ: You're an architect, huh? GEORGE: Yep. LIZ: How long have you been an architect? LUKE: This is not your interview, Liz. LIZ: Oh, I'm buttoning it now. I'm sorry. GEORGE: I need to go anyway, Luke. (Luke and George stand up. George starts gathering his things) LUKE: What's your time frame here, George? LUKE: It's going to take me at least two weeks to draw up a plan. I'll keep you posted. LUKE: Good deal. (the men shake hands) LIZ: (pats George on the back as he's exiting the diner) Good deal, George. LUKE: (to George as he's leaving) I'll talk to you later. (to Liz) What is wrong with you? LIZ: Whaaa...I'm just excited about all this. A new adventure! LUKE: (walks behind the counter, Liz follows him) But it's not your adventure. It's my adventure. You're in the employee section. LIZ: I want to talk to you about something, Luke. LUKE: You've done nothing but talk since you got here. Why announce it now? LIZ: You're going to need a contractor for your remodel, right? LUKE: Yes. LIZ: And you know who I'm married to. LUKE: Yes. LIZ: He'd be perfect for this! LUKE: TJ? He's not a contractor. LIZ: Oh, but he is. LUKE: Since when? LIZ: Since he almost passed the test for his contractor's license last month. I mean, he was so close. If he hadn't used all those curse words during the written exam, he'd have had it. LUKE: He used curse words? LIZ: When he's enthusiastic about something, he gets very foul. But I blame his mother. She has got a mouth on her. Garbage mouth! LUKE: I don't think he can do the job, Liz. (he walks to a table to clean it up. Liz follows him around) LIZ: Oh, but, my brother, he's working so hard for his license. You should see him! It is so cute. He sits up in bed at night poring through his books and his manuals. He's got this system where he reads a chapter then rewards himself with a junior mint. It's been working great for him. LUKE: There is no way in the world that he is getting this job, Liz. LIZ: But what about the shelves he made you? I thought you liked them. LUKE: They're just shelves. LIZ: Oh, what happened to the little boy in you? LUKE: Look, the shelves are nice, but this is a big job. Lorelai loves this house. This is a great house. (he walks back behind the counter, Liz follows him yet again) LIZ: Luke, his life depends on it. LIZ: How? LUKE: Because if he doesn't get his ass out of the house and work more...I'm gonna kill him. LUKE: There's a housing boom out there. There's plenty of work for a good carpenter like TJ. LIZ: But every time he interviews for jobs, he starts cursing. He can't help it. People mistake it for him being weird or something. LUKE: Imagine that. LIZ: Please, big brother! For your little sister. LUKE: Liz! LIZ: Just don't say "No", OK? Just think about it. LUKE: I don't need to think about it. LIZ: For me! Think about it. LUKE: OK! Fine! I won't say "No" for the time being. LIZ: Yes! Thank you. That's all I needed was a big fat "Not a 'No'". LUKE: Whatever. (Liz sits on a stool at the counter and stares at Luke. Luke looks at her and walks away) (CUT to Community Service, morning. Rory is cleaning up trash at the side of the road with the rest of the group. She stabs a piece of garbage another person was aiming for) RORY: Sorry! (Takes the piece of paper she just stabed and trows it back down. The guy picks it up. Rory backs up and bumps onto another girl from the Community Service) OH! LIZA: (to Rory) Watch it. (walks away) RORY: (to Liza) Sorry! (continues to pick up trash) (CUT to Lorelai's bedroom, morning. Lorelai enters with a laundry basket filled with clothes. She puts in on the bed and starts going through the clothes. She notices something on the wall. She starts walking towards it in shock. The camera pans out and we see Lorelai standing in front of a big hole on her bedroom wall) (CUT to Luke's diner, continuous. Luke is serving a customer while Lorelai walk towards the diner in shock) LUKE: (taking order) So, it's an omelette, side of bacon... CUSTOMER: What kind of cheese do you have? LUKE: I've got your basics: swiss, cheddar, jack...(Lorelai enters, and grabs Luke's hand and starts dragging him out of the diner)Hey, what? What? Hey. Lorelai, what are you doing? (CUT in front of Lorelai's house, continuous. Lorelai is still dragging Luke) LUKE: Lorelai? This is weird, okay? I...Come on, what's wrong? Lorelai, say something. (they reach the front of the house) LORELAI: (pointing at the hole) Hole! LUKE: How...? LORELAI: Hole! LUKE: ...it... LORELAI: Hole! LUKE: I know it's a hole. How did it happen? LORELAI: Dirt! LUKE: What? LORELAI: Dirt, bed! Dirt, hole! LUKE: OK, speak in sentences, come on. You...you found this when you got home. LORELAI: Yes, a big hole! LUKE: It was sledgehammered. LORELAI: With a very big sledgehammer. LUKE: God, who would...(realisation drawing on him) Oh, my god. LORELAI: What? LUKE: (mad) Him. LORELAI: Who? LUKE: Him. LORELAI: What him? LUKE: (deathly whisper) Kill. LORELAI: Kill who? LUKE: TJ! LORELAI: TJ did this? LUKE: Who else?! LORELAI: What do you mean, "Who else"? Why would TJ come over to my house and sledgehammer my bedroom? LUKE: Damn it, Liz! LORELAI: What did Liz do? LUKE: Ah, she worked me over. She begged me to hire TJ as the contractor on the remodel. LORELAI: TJ's a contractor? LUKE: No, and I said "No"! But she made me promise to think about it. And then she sat in the diner staring at me, and then she started to cry, so I kicked her out. And then she went outside and cried and so I could see it through the window. And I couldn't take it anymore, so I said, "OK", knowing we had weeks to figure out how to get out of it. And no work could be done 'cause George hadn't made up the plans. And, in the meantime, TJ could've changed occupations or injured himself bouncing up and down on his trampoline and backed out of the job. LORELAI: But how could you risk saying "oK" to anything with TJ? LUKE: Did I mention the crying? Liz is a walking tear duct. Oh, TJ's good! You never see what's coming. Like a big, dumb tsunami. He's that good! LORELAI: So, what do we do? LUKE: I'm gonna talk to TJ, but I'm gonna be smart about it, I'm not gonna spook him. I'm gonna be like Michael Corleone dealing with that slimy brother-in-law of his. Get a couple of tickets to a ball game, invite him along. And we'll talk about the beer and the hot dogs we're gonna eat. And then I'm gonna get him to admit that he did this. And then when we get in the car on the way to the ball park, I'm gonna put a rope around his neck and pull it till he's (pulls an imaginary rope) Dead! LORELAI: Wait, Wait! You're in the backseat? LUKE: Yeah! That's the best for garroting. Yes! LORELAI: No, he's gonna smell something fishy if you hop in the backseat especially if you're driving. LUKE: No, he's not that bright. It'll work! LORELAI: Why are you even buying the tickets? You could just sneak up on him and garrote him on the street. Save you the money. LUKE: I can still go to the game the other way! I'll take my friend Ed. He hasn't been to a game in ages. LORELAI: Yeah, you're in no state to deal with TJ right now. LUKE: Maybe not. LORELAI: And we need to do something about the fact that my bedroom is on display for all to see. LUKE: I know. LORELAI: So, let's figure out what we need to deal with the hole. First things first. LUKE: (they start walking towards the house) You're right. We need tarp. LORELAI: Tarp. LUKE: And some plywood. LORELAI: Plywood. LUKE: Staple gun. LORELAI: Staple gun. LUKE: And rope. LORELAI: You're not garroting TJ. LUKE: Skip the rope. LORELAI: No rope. LUKE: I'm sorry. LORELAI: It's not your fault. LUKE: Eh...I'm dumb. LORELAI: No, you're not. LUKE: I'm gonna kill him! LORELAI: No, you're not! (CUT to pool house, morning. Rory enters. She seems to be back from her Community Service. She looks filthy and tired. She walk over to the pool house kitchen counter where there is a DAR folder waiting for her. She opens it up and looks around miserably) (CUT to Luke's diner, night. Luke is escorting a customer to the door. It seems to be near closing time) LUKE: Goodnight, see you again. (he walks over to the counter and starts working on the bills. The diner door opens) Sorry. Kitchen's closed. (turns around and sees Rory at the door) Rory! RORY: Hi, Luke. LUKE: Hi. RORY: So, kitchen's closed. LUKE: No, no, no! It's not closed. Come on in. (he goes behind the counter to get the coffee pot and a cup, Rory sits on a stool at the counter) RORY: (Luke starts pouring coffee) Oh! LUKE: Oh, no. I...I just...I figured. RORY: No! Yes! You figured right, thank you! (Luke fills up the cup) So, it looks like the town's been doing a little painting. LUKE: Yeah, Taylor wanted to spiff it up. Those are his words. Put these obnoxious signs up. "Pardon our spiff, it'll just take a jiff". It's dumb. RORY: Yeah! Dumb. LUKE: But it...it needed a...spiff. RORY: Yeah, it looks good. So, I started my community service. LUKE: Right! RORY: A little roadwork. Vest and all. 5 hours down, 295 to go. LUKE: It's good you're chipping away at it. RORY: Yeah. LUKE: Yeah... RORY: So...how are people? Are people good? LUKE: Yeah, people are good. People are, uh...(Looks uncomfortable and sighs) Your mom and I are engaged. RORY: Engaged? LUKE: (nods) Yeah. RORY: Wow. (holding back tears) Congratulations! LUKE: Thanks. RORY: So, I guess I'm gonna go. (gets up from the stool) Um...thank you, for the coffee. (exits the diner. Luke looks miserable) (CUT to Lorelai's house, early in the morning. Some sort of construction is going on and a ladder is standing up against the porch. Lorelai comes out of the house, she was obviously just woken up by the noise) LORELAI: TJ. TJ: Lorelai, hey. Am I glad to see you. LORELAI: It's like seven a.m., TJ. TJ: I know the sun ain't even warm yet, and here we are toting that barge. Mr. Taskmaster. LORELAI: Who? Who has got you toting a barge? TJ: Look. I need to explain my side in the whole hole thing here. It wasn't my fault. LORELAI: It wasn't? TJ: A guy says "OK", that means something to me. You know what it means? It's not so complicated, not like the TV guide or nothing. It means "OK". LORELAI: It's really early, TJ. LORELAI: Anyway. I just don't want you to be mad at me. We're gonna be related, you and me. LORELAI: Well, I'm not mad at you, TJ. LUKE FROM OS: Hey, get away from her. TJ: We're just talking. LUKE: (from on the roof) TJ, stop bothering her, and get up here. TJ: You want me to bring up a couple more trash bags? I'm figuring we need some. LUKE: OK. Fine. TJ: Now, is that OK in the sense that I know that word, Or is that a "Luke OK" that can mean whatever you want it to mean? LUKE: Just get up here. TJ: He knew I was a self-starter. OK to a self-starter is like glue to a horse. What else can you do but start galloping? (climbs the ladder to the top of the roof) LORELAI: Hey, Luke? LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: Are you aware of the time? LUKE: I'm just trying to make it so you don't have to sleep on the couch for the next three months. If you want us to stop, we'll stop. LORELAI: No, it's just...the sun ain't even warm yet. TJ: Seven a.m. was Luke's idea. I'd have started at nine so as not to bother people. That's just one guy who thinks that OK means OK's opinion. LUKE: Would you just keep working? LORELAI: So, maybe tomorrow, if you're still doing this, it could be eight...ish. I mean, I love that you're doing it, but... LUKE: Yeah, I needed to start early so I could get this done. Man! LORELAI: Hey! What's with the 'tude? LUKE: Nothing. It's just...You know you got a frisbee up here? LORELAI: A what? LUKE: A frisbee. Just sitting up here! I mean what are you thinking with that?! LORELA: It's not my frisbee. LUKE: So it just walked up here on its own? LORELAI: Luke, there is a lost frisbee on the roof of every suburban home in America. No less a luminary than Garrison Keillor said that. It's not that big a deal. LUKE: Every roof, huh? Well, that's a great use of plastic. LORELAI: It's not my frisbee. I've never played frisbee. What the hell has gotten into you? LUKE: I told Rory we were engaged. LORELAI: What?! How? Where? LUKE: She came into the diner last night. It was awkward and stupid. I ended up telling her we were engaged. LORELAI: Why?! Why would you do that? LUKE: Why? Because she had the face. LORELAI: What face? LUKE: The Rory face. You know the face. LORELAI: Yes, but, Luke, you have to ignore the Rory face. LUKE: That's easy for you to say. LORELAI: You shouldn't have told her. LORELAI: Yeah, you should've told her! LORELAI: NO! She shouldn't have been told anything. So neither of us should've told her. LUKE: But if one of us isn't gonna tell her more, then I'm the one that shouldn't. LORELAI: Right. Meaning not you. I should've told her. LUKE: Then we're in full agreement. You should've told her. LORELAI: No! That's not what I'm saying. LUKE: Well you said it, and I agreed, so I win. LORELAI: How do you win? LUKE: Because I have the high ground. That gives me the upper hand on anything you got. LORELAI: Luke. TJ: (holding up a drill) Something's wrong with this thing. LUKE: There's nothing wrong with that thing! (picks up the frizbee) LORELAI: Luke! Rory started this. And right now we're not talking. Remember, tough love? I'm on a path here. LUKE: She would've seen it in the paper eventually. LORELAI: Seen what? LORELAI: Our engagement. LORELAI: How would it have ended up in the paper? LUKE: I don't know. She'd open up the paper to the back to one of these stupid pictures of a guy and a girl. Bill's a chiropractor. Nancy's a teacher. They met square dancing. They're on their honeymoon in Florida. And they got these smiles on their faces like their lives are gonna work out the way they dreamt or something...suckers! Those things. LORELAI: You played right into her hands. You can't do that. She can't just play on our emotions. She has to undo what she's done. Get out of my parents' house. Go back to school. LUKE: Fine! Maybe I shouldn't have told her anything. Maybe I should've kicked her out, ignored her, whatever! But you got to understand something: I'm in the middle! Yeah, she's your daughter, but I'm in the middle! LORELAI: (apologetic) I know. You are in the middle. LUKE: Good! Because you've been acting like you don't know, like you're alone in this or something. LORELAI: I know. LUKE: And I know you don't want my opinion on this, but you're both being dumb, and you should be talking. There. I won't say anything more about any of this again ever. (TJ seems to be having a hard time with the drill, Luke approaches him) TJ. the screw's not going in right 'cause you got the drill on counterclockwise. It's righty-tighty, lefty-loosey. TJ: I've got to remember that. LUKE: Ugh. (to Lorelai) Right! I got to get back to work. We're gonna be done with what we're doing here today. We won't be here tomorrow. LORELAI: Luke? LUKE: We're okay. LORELAI: Good. (Luke throws the frisbee at her. Lorelai catches it) LUKE: Nice catch. (Lorelai looks pleased) TJ: Yes! That's what I'm talking about. Righty-tighty! (Luke takes the drill from TJ) (CUT to Community Service, morning). ROAD SUPERVISOR: OK guys ten minutes for lunch. (Liza bumps into Rory provocatively as she's fiddling with a garbage bag. Rory bumps into Liza in the same manner. Liza pushes Rory. Rory pushes her back. The girls start fighting. Other people from the Community Service and the road Supervisor break them up) ROAD SUPERVISOR: Whoa, whoa! Break it up! Come on! Break it up! (CUT to the Community Service orientation classroom. The first supervisor is talking to Rory) SUPERVISOR: You're on the side of the road. Cars rushing by, trucks, tractor trailers. You see my point? That's not a playground out there. It's a work environment with inherent dangers. Obvious dangers. And there you are pushing someone around. That's unacceptable. Now, I cannot have you out there with your fight face on. Do you understand me? RORY: Yes, sir. (CUT to Lorelai's Jeep, morning. Lorelai is driving listening to some music. She drives by the Community Service spot and she sees Rory. She stops the car and gets out. Rory is talking to the Road Supervisor) ROAD SUPERVISOR: What's the problem? RORY: We're gonna need another thing of bags for this next stretch. COMMUNITY SERVICE ROAD SUPERVISOR: Well, then, you're gonna have to check back on the bus. (walks away) RORY: Thanks for nothing. LORELAI: (to Rory) Repaying your debt to society, I assume. RORY: That's what this is. LORELAI: System already hardened you? RORY: So, I guess congratulations are in order. LORELAI: So, how are things at the new digs? RORY: You guys set a date yet? LORELAI: Grandma redecorate the pool house yet? RORY: Be sure to send me a picture. LORELAI: Be sure to send me a change-of-address card. Grandma can print them out for you, with a little fleur-de-lis. RORY: I'm not supposed to be talking to outsiders. LORELAI: Fine. (turns around and walks away) RORY: You and Luke getting engaged and not telling me about it. You hurt me. LORELAI: Back at you END Of Episode 6.02 - Fight Face

Rory begins serving her 300 hours of community service and finds that life on a road crew is not pretty. Lorelai and Luke try to decide whether they will fix up Lorelai's house or buy the Twickham house. Luke's sister Liz begs him to hire her husband T.J. as a contractor. When Rory pays Luke a surprise visit at the diner to find out how Lorelai is, he feels obligated to tell her that he and Lorelai are engaged. Afterwards, Luke confronts Lorelai about her estrangement from Rory. Feeling lonely, Lorelai adopts a dog at the Stars Hollow pet fair. Finally, during a chance meeting, Lorelai and Rory have an angry confrontation about their mutual hurt feelings.

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The Tomb of the Cybermen [b]Episode Two[/b] By Kit Pedler and Gerry Davis 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1, INT: WEAPONS ROOM DOCTOR: Oh Jamie don't touch that control! JAMIE: Already have. What's the matter Doctor? DOCTOR: Which one was it? JAMIE: Which one what? (There is a fierce crackle of energy, and Haydon falls to the floor in a pall of oily smoke. Victoria screams.) DOCTOR: What exactly happened here Jamie, what did you do, what sequence did you use? JAMIE: Sequence, how do you mea..? Oh you mean these! Oh, well, I-I just pressed that button and pulled this lever a-a-and then that lever there. PARRY: Doctor, I... do you think you could spare us a moment? I... Haydon! What's happened? VINER: He's dead! Don't you see he's dead!? It's this damn building! It's alive, it's watching us! It'll get us all - we've got to leave! PARRY: Alright Viner! This is terrible. How did it happen? VINER: We've got to get out this building, it's deadly! They'll kill all of us if we don't get back to rocket! DOCTOR: They? VINER: The Cybermen! Didn't you see it?! PARRY: Cybermen? A live Cyberman? My dear Viner, they've been dead for the last five hundred years! VINER: I tell you it was a Cyberman in this very room, and it came out from over there! That that screen thing. JAMIE: Yeah he's right! VINER: Keep back, you'll bring it out again! DOCTOR: The question is, what killed him. VINER: But you saw the Cyberman, Doctor. DOCTOR: I saw something. Poor Haydon was looking at that screen in the direction we all were, right? VINER: Of course, must you state the obvious! DOCTOR: Not so obvious when you consider he was shot in the back. JAMIE: In the back? PARRY: Are you sure Doctor? DOCTOR: See for yourself. Now if the Cybermen didn't shoot him, what did? (They roll over Haydon and the Doctor leads Jamie over to the wall near the door where the gun emerged.) DOCTOR: The answer, I think, lies over here. Jamie! JAMIE: Yes Doctor? DOCTOR: Can you remember exactly what you did, what sequence you used? JAMIE: Oh I'm not sure Doctor. DOCTOR: You must try. I want to-to repeat it all when I give the word. JAMIE: Oh very well. VINER: You're crazy man, you'll bring that..that thing out again! DOCTOR: Maybe, I don't know. Now, Jamie! (The Doctor motions over to Jamie.) DOCTOR: Whenever you're ready. JAMIE: Aye, anytime Doctor. DOCTOR: Now there is a distinct element of risk in what I'm asking you all to do, so if anyone wishes to leave they must do so at once. (Jamie turns to and begins to drift towards the door, then freezes.) DOCTOR: Not you Jamie! VINER: Can't you stop this, he'll kill us all! DOCTOR: Not if you go back against that wall in that corner there, now please. Right Jamie! (Jamie flips two levers and the mock-Cyberman slides out and then the gun from the wall directly opposite. There is a crackle of energy and the cyber-dummy is decapitated in a shower of sparks. Victoria screams. The Doctor wanders over to the gun which has failed to retract this time, and examines it closely.) JAMIE: Now... GET BACK Doctor! VICTORIA: KEEP AWAY! DOCTOR: It's alright, I-I think... I think it's alright now. Yes. You see it's-it's just a mock up, a-a model. (The Doctor sees Parry reach out to touch the Cybergun the Robot Cyberman is carrying and moves to block him.) DOCTOR: Now no-no don't touch that! That gun may be wired up too. PARRY: It's a trap. DOCTOR: No I don't think so. This is a-a testing room for weapons. (He gestures towards the inert silver giant.) DOCTOR: This is a purely robotic Cyberman. There's no human material inside it at all, he's a target... (The Doctor turns on his heel and speeds out of the door.) DOCTOR: ...for weapons. PARRY: Let's get this poor fellow back to the control room, shall we? (Victoria notices the embryo Cybermat on the floor.) VICTORIA: Oh what's that? JAMIE: Some wee creature I found on the floor there. VICTORIA: It's a fossil. DOCTOR: Now Victoria, let me see that. (The Doctor examines the tiny metal bug.) DOCTOR: Yes, it's-it's certainly inactive, but it's not a fossil. (He gives it back to Victoria and pulls out his 500 year diary turning a few pages. He looks at the metal creature again and turns it around to get a different view then reads again.) DOCTOR: Ah here we are, it's a Cyber-Mat. VICTORIA: Well what's a Cybermat? DOCTOR: It's one of those. (The Doctor points at the bug, then pockets his diary.) DOCTOR: I'd leave it alone if I were you. Come along. (He vanishes through the door. Victoria casually slips the tiny metal bug into her bag and follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2, INT: CENTRAL CHAMBER (Toberman walks across the control room to Kaftan. They are both far enough away from anyone who might hear them.) KAFTAN: Well? TOBERMAN: It is done. KAFTAN: Good. (Toberman walks off toward the shadows once again. Back at the table Klieg is fussing over calculations.) KLIEG: I just don't understand this code. This sequence just doesn't make complete sense. KAFTAN: You, a Logician and you can't understand it? KLIEG: But in the time... KAFTAN: Enough! KLIEG: ...In the time we have! KAFTAN: We have plenty of time. You will see. (She looks over to see Parry and Viner manhandling Haydon's corpse into the control room.) PARRY: Right, we'll lay him over there. (They leave the body by the hatch and Kaftan gets up to investigate.) KAFTAN: What has happened here? VINER: There's been a terrible accident, he's been shot! PARRY: Right we're all here. Will we all sit down for a moment Mm? KAFTAN: Toberman! PARRY: Mr Klieg. KLIEG: Leave me alone, can't you see I'm working, or have you forgotten the purpose of this expedition? PARRY: This directly concerns my expedition, you will kindly take your place! (Klieg draws in a sharp breath as if he's going to argue, but he decides against it and sits down with the others at the Cybertable.) PARRY: Right, I'll come straight to the point. I have reluctantly decided to abandon the expedition and return to Earth. (There is a universal chorus of whys and wherefores, the strongest coming from Klieg.) KLIEG: You can't do this now! PARRY: I feel as strongly about this as you! This expedition has been my dream for many years. But there were those like Mr Viner here who said that more preparation was needed, (Viner nods.) more men and equipment. I refused to heed their warnings and the result is that two men have died. (The cacophony of argument begins to bubble amongst the members again.) PARRY: I'm sorry, but we must leave at the first available conjunction. We'll take back all we can for study, of course; but that is my decision and that is what we must do! (Klieg jumps up) KLIEG: I insist that...! PARRY: MY DECISION IS FINAL! We leave when the north hemisphere is tangential which will be... (He studies his pocket chronometer.) PARRY: Eighteen forty-two. (Klieg storms off in disgust and Parry notices Hopper's arrival on the scene.) PARRY: Ah, captain Hopper, just the man. Kindly be prepared to blast off at eighteen forty-two. HOPPER: No. PARRY: (He freezes.) I beg your pardon, er did I hear you right, you are paid to take orders Captain Hopper. HOPPER: Not impossible ones I'm not. PARRY: What do you mean? HOPPER: I mean the fuel pumps. Some character has balled up the lot! DOCTOR: Or some-thing. HOPPER: Well whatever it is it's practically wrecked out chances of getting off this crummy planet! (Everyone's attention is drawn towards the Cyberman emblem above the second door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3, INT CENTRAL CHAMBER (LATER IN THE EVENING) VINER: I don't care what any of you say, I utterly refuse to spend the night on this planet! DOCTOR: I don't think any of us has a choice. VINER: Well at least we can get out of this sinister building. W-I've recorded all the necessary details, I suggest we all go back to the rocket. HOPPER: You make very bad suggestions, did anyone ever tell you that? (He moves to bar Viner's way, but is pushed aside.) VINER: I insist. HOPPER: You do a lot of insisting. Well I'm going to tell you something now. The first guy that set...sets foot on my rocketship will stop the repair work just like that. (He clicks his fingers.) PARRY: How long will it take to get the rocket operational again? HOPPER: Working non-stop without interruption to get that rocket operation, I'd say... maybe... seventy two hours. PARRY: Seventy two hours! VINER: But that's impossible! We'd all be out of our minds after spending three days in this place! HOPPER: Now look, I can't afford to waste any more time with you guys, but I'll give it to you just once more OK? Now you may not know this but we'll have to practically pull that ship apart to fix the damage. And there's no room for all of you on board - especially with you insisting all over the place. No room to work, gottit?! VINER: It's alright for you, have you any idea what it'll be like for us having to spend our time in this deadly building? HOPPER: Well it's not exactly peaches back on the ship! DOCTOR: Er, Captain, you uh do have another reason for not wanting them back on the ship, don't you? HOPPER: Yeah, well until I find who broke into the rocket. DOCTOR: Or what? HOPPER: Ooh, who broke into the rocket, I'm going to be keeping a round-the-clock watch on the ship. DOCTOR: I see. HOPPER: I'm going to get off this planet with my skin still fitting tight - all over, alright? DOCTOR: Alright. (He smiles knowingly.) HOPPER: Now in case it gets cold at night I've brought these anoraks and some food. I'll let you know when we're ready to take off. (He walks out the entrance.) KLIEG: As we have to stay, we might as well finish our job and fully explore down there - that is if the Professor has no objection? PARRY: We have no alternative it seems. DOCTOR: Well well-well can't, can't we all just stay here? It seems a pleasant enough room to me. JAMIE: Hey-hey, you speak for yourself. KLIEG: Of course you can leave here anytime you please Doctor. DOCTOR: H'oh yes, I was forgetting I-I can can't I. VICTORIA: But you're not going to are you Doctor? DOCTOR: No. Not just yet awhile, no. Er, but you and Jamie can go back to the TARDIS if you wish. VICTORIA: I'll stay with you. DOCTOR: Er, Jamie? JAMIE: Oh, I'll stay. DOCTOR: Good. (He wanders past the table towards Klieg who is still too busy puzzling out the console to look elsewhere, and talks loudly.) DOCTOR: Now, er, I think it's about time we gave Mr Klieg some help. KLIEG: Thank you, I think I can manage. TOBERMAN: STAY! (He blocks their way.) JAMIE: Hey, let the Doctor past or I'll... (Toberman grabs the front of the Doctor's shirt in one hand.) JAMIE: Yes, well... let the Doctor past. DOCTOR: It's okay Jamie. (He talks to Kaftan standing beside Toberman watching with interest.) DOCTOR: Your colleague has er, very strong hands. KAFTAN: Very strong. DOCTOR: Enough to do a great deal of damage if let loose in the er right place. (Kaftan considers, then nods her servant away and the Doctor investigates what Klieg is doing. Back at the Cybertable Parry and Viner are discussing the workings rather than the theory.) PARRY: There's no doubt about it, the major workings lie below. There are metal caverns down there all interconnected - if only we can get down into them! KLIEG: That's it! I've got it! (He rushes over to the table, Doctor in tow interrupting Parry's dialogue.) KLIEG: Finally boolean function of symbolic logic! DOCTOR: Logical, yes... KAFTAN: Everything yields to logic. Our basic assumption, Doctor! DOCTOR: Really. KLIEG: Six, cup B four... If and only if...C is cup function of two A. DOCTOR: I think perhaps your logic is wearing a little thin. KLIEG: I must have made a mistake. I-I'll do it again more carefully. Six, cup B four... If and only if... C is cup function of... Ah, that's it, two F not two A! (As he operates the controls there is a hum of power and the heavy circular hatch in the corner of the room swings up.) VICTORIA: The hatch! KLIEG: I've done it! I've done it! DOCTOR: Congratulations. JAMIE: Yeah, but Doctor y... PARRY: Excellent! Now to work. It'll be extremely cold down there, we shall all need to put on warm clothing. Mr Viner, will you see about the anoraks? KLIEG: Ah just a moment - are we all going down? PARRY: There is safety in numbers. KLIEG: The er, women as well? PARRY: Oh, they of course will stay here. Er, in case of trouble, contact the rocket. VICTORIA: I'm coming down with you. PARRY: But my dear young lady... VICTORIA: You heard me Professor, the... DOCTOR: Ah, Victoria, you would be much safer up here. VICTORIA: But Doctor! DOCTOR: And much more use to us er... VICTORIA: I don't think... DOCTOR: Er Keep an eye on um... things Mm? Please. VICTORIA: Oh alright. DOCTOR: Thank you. PARRY: Well if we're all ready. I shall lead the descent, be ready to go back the instant I give the word. KLIEG: You know what to do. KAFTAN: The hatch. DOCTOR: Toberman! KAFTAN: He stays with me. DOCTOR: Then I stay here too. (He sits down.) KAFTAN: Of course, I'm being selfish, his strength will be useful to you down there. He must go down. Go down Toberman. DOCTOR: Remember what I said. Be careful. (He goes down the hatch.) KAFTAN: It seems we are to be left alone to wait. Captain Hopper has brought some food from the rocket - you would like some? VICTORIA: I rather! I'm ravenous. KAFTAN: Roast beef, roast veal, chicken... VICTORIA: Ooh, chicken please... (Kaftan passes a over a waxy food concentrate cube.) VICTORIA: Well what on Earth's this? KAFTAN: What you have asked for. VICTORIA: Thank you but, er, I'm not very hungry now. (Victoria wanders over to the hatchway and peers down. At the table Kaftan pours her a drink and drops a small tablet into it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4, INT: ENTRANCE TO TUNNEL (Toberman and the Doctor get to the bottom of the ladder and walk over to the rest of the group.) PARRY: Hurry up there, we've no time to linger. It's extremely cold down here even with these anoraks. JAMIE: Aye you obviously knew what to expect. DOCTOR: Well, which way do we go? KLIEG: I don't know. Let's try this way. DOCTOR: Yes. (The group heads off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5, INT: MAIN CAVERN JAMIE: Hey, what on Earth?! PARRY: Behold gentlemen, the tombs of the Cybermen! (Spread out before them is a vast section of wall leading up to the ceiling of cubicles, each the size of a man covered in centuries of frost.) JAMIE: Tombs? I don't see any tombs. DOCTOR: In there Jamie, frozen forever. All their evil locked away with them. And so it must remain. KLIEG: Like a gigantic honeycomb, like bees. Waiting the signal to arise from their winter sleep. DOCTOR: A signal that they're never going to get! VINER: We'd better get busy, everything's got to be recorded. It's too cold to stay down here for long. KLIEG: Unless we find some way to warm things up... [SCENE_BREAK] 6, INT: CENTRAL CHAMBER KAFTAN: You have hardly touched your coffee, it must be cold by now. You would like some more? VICTORIA: Thank you. I'm much warmer now. KAFTAN: That's good. VICTORIA: I... (She yawns.) Feel so sleepy. (Kaftan rushes to the console and flips a series of switches. The hatch thumps down.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7, INT: MAIN CAVERN (The team hear a thud as the trapdoor slams shut.) JAMIE: What was that? VINER: It sounded like the hatch! [SCENE_BREAK] 8, INT: ENTRANCE TO TUNNEL JAMIE: It's closed! (Jamie climbs and tries to push the door open, but to no avail.) VINER: Oh what's the use, we're trapped down here now. We'll never survive down in this cold. Better get back. [SCENE_BREAK] 9, INT: MAIN CAVERN DOCTOR: Well? VINER: It's closed. What have they done that for? What are they playing at up there?! DOCTOR: Well where's Jamie? VINER: He went up the ladder to try it out. (The Doctor goes to see and Viner moves over to Parry.) VINER: Professor! PARRY: Ssh! VINER: Professor listen to me! (Parry puts down his recording device.) VINER: The hatch is down again, we're trapped down here! PARRY: Trapped? But there are some of out party up there are! You sure? VINER: Yes, of course I'm sure! You know how heavy that thing is, well it's down now. We've got to do something! I'd give us a couple of hours in here at the most. DOCTOR: Klieg doesn't seem to be very worried. KLIEG: No, I'm not Doctor. JAMIE: It won't open and I can't make anyone hear. KLIEG: Of course, there is an easy way out of this. VINER: You've found something? KLIEG: Of course you're forgetting your logic. If it closes it can be opened from... from here. DOCTOR: Conveniently labelled in symbolic lod... logic I suppose. KLIEG: Right. are we ready? I shall now operate the sequence. DOCTOR: If it is the opening device. KLIEG: It's obviously an opening device of some kind Doctor. VINER: I don't know how you can all be so blasted calm about it all! JAMIE: I'll see if it works then. (Jamie runs through the entrance of the chamber, back to the hatch.) JAMIE: (OOV.) Go ahead! (Klieg pulls a number of levers.) JAMIE: (OOV.) Nothing happening out here. VINER: It doesn't work! (Gradually the vast frozen honeycomb of Cybertombs begins to become exposed as the frost that was covering it disappears bit by bit.) PARRY: Water! JAMIE: Aye, it's getting warmer. VINER: The ice is melting. (Jamie notices the change almost immediately.) JAMIE: Hey look behind you! (They all turn to look.) VINER: Look! Look at the honeycomb! There's something inside. JAMIE: They're Cybermen. DOCTOR: Jamie, come back. PARRY: It is them. Gentlemen they are perfect! This is unique in archaeology! (As the room heats up, the Cybermen begin to move inside their cubicles like embryos coming to life.) VINER: No, no... they're moving. We must shut it down. (He moves to the control panel and returns the levers to their original places. The Cybermen begin to slow down as it gets colder again.) KLIEG: What are you doing, keep away from that! VINER: No! (He stays at the controls with his back to Klieg.) KLIEG: Hold on. (Klieg produces a gun from his bag.) KLIEG: The next one to move and he will get killed. (The Doctor holds Jamie back.) DOCTOR: No! KLIEG: For the last time I'm asking you to get away from those controls! (Viner doesn't obey so Klieg shoots him.) VINER: Ohhhh...arghh. (He slides to the floor and Parry rushes over but it is too late.) PARRY: Viner...Viner...Viner! (He turns to Klieg.) PARRY: YOU'VE KILLED HIM! (Klieg flips the controls back again.) JAMIE: He's mad! (Jamie moves to get closer to Klieg but the Doctor holds him back again.) DOCTOR: Jamie! (Behind the tombs defrost again.) PARRY: Haydon dead, and now Viner. What kind of a man are you?! KLIEG: Back... Keep back! (He keeps his gun trained on the party.) KLIEG: And we can see what happens - as the Professor says, this is a unique archaeological event. It would be such a pity to miss it! [SCENE_BREAK] 10, INT: CENTRAL CHAMBER (A muffled bleeping sounds from within Victoria's bag, and a bulge begins to move backwards and forwards. Unaware of this, Victoria begins to stir and then wakes up and gets rather uncertainly to her feet. She looks at the hatch.) VICTORIA: What's happened - are they back yet? KAFTAN: What? (She seems surprised that Victoria is awake so soon.) VICTORIA: The hatch is down, are they back? KAFTAN: They are still down there. VICTORIA: Then why is the hatch down? They won't be able to get up again! KAFTAN: I shall open it when we are ready. VICTORIA: W... when who's ready? ...You closed it! KAFTAN: I did. VICTORIA: Then you'd better open it again hadn't you! KAFTAN: No it shall remain closed. VICTORIA: The Doctor warned me about you! KAFTAN: That was very clever of him. VICTORIA: Out of my way! KAFTAN: Why? VICTORIA: I'm going to open the hatch. (Kaftan draws out a weapon and levels it at Victoria.) KAFTAN: Stand back! (Victoria miserably does as she is bid.) KAFTAN: That's better! Now let's move away from these controls. We shall be more comfortable over here I think. (She gestures to the Cybertable and Victoria obeys looking on the verge of tears.) VICTORIA: Oh... but why? Why have you done it? You've trapped your friends down there as well as mine! KAFTAN: I shall open it when Mr Klieg has completed our plans. (Behind Kaftan, the Cybermat pokes it's tiny metal nose out of a chewhole on Victoria's bag and scans the room.) KAFTAN: Meanwhile it is better that they remain undisturbed. If you touch those controls I shall have to kill you. (The Cybermat vacates the bag and trundles along the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11, INT: MAIN CAVERN JAMIE: You know Doctor, I have a feeling that that man planned it all along. He knew that that control wouldn't open the hatch. DOCTOR: So did I Jamie. JAMIE: What? You knew, Doctor? DOCTOR: I wanted to know what he was up to. KLIEG: And now you know Doctor. PARRY: We know nothing. This is the action of a lunatic! (He gestures to Viner's body.) KLIEG: Lunatic? Not at all Professor, a necessary detail, that's all. PARRY: But why?! KLIEG: Logic, my dear Professor, logic and power. On Earth the Brotherhood of Logicians is the greatest man intelligence ever assembled. But that is not enough, we need power. Power to put our ability into action. The Cybermen have this power. I have come here to find it and use it. PARRY: So that was your motive in financing my expedition! KLIEG: Exactly! Your complete lack of er, administration made it ideal for our purpose! DOCTOR: And you think that the Cybermen will help you? KLIEG: But of course - I shall be their resurrector! PARRY: Look! (With an icy ripping sound the Cybermen begin to tear at the protective membranes of their cubicles forcing their way out into the cavern. The ones from the upper levels descend via the ladders at the sides, and gradually they all lumber towards the group as if still half asleep.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12, INT: CENTRAL CHAMBER (Victoria stiffens as she sees the Cybermat glide happily across the floor, but Kaftan is facing the wrong direction to see.) KAFTAN: Keep still! (The Cybermat stops at the table and hops on top.) VICTORIA: Behind you! that thing - it's come alive! KAFTAN: You are so simple! You don't really expect to take me in with a trick like that?! VICTORIA: It's true will you look! KAFTAN: Will nothing keep you still? (The Cybermat trundles across the table.) VICTORIA: Oh will you please look! KAFTAN: If I have any further trouble from you I will have to take drastic steps! VICTORIA: Why don't you believe me?! KAFTAN: I will not allow a little girl like you to interfere with our plans! (The Cybermat leaps onto Kaftan's shoulder and forcefully jacks itself into her nervous system.) VICTORIA: Gg! KAFTAN: AIEE! (She drops to the ground stunned by a paralysing Cyber-hypnotic force. Victoria snatches the gun as the Cybermat scurries away and fires a single shot. The Cybermat convulses and flips over, smoke pouring from it's frilly underbelly. She looks at the hatch, then the console, but cannot see how to open the hatch.) VICTORIA: Don't know... (She throws down the gun and runs towards the door.) VICTORIA: Captain Hopper! [SCENE_BREAK] 13, INT: MAIN CAVERN (The Cybermen congregate in front of the square embossed door in the centre of the tombs and salute each other with their right arms across their chests. Together they ease the door open. Within, is a very different type of Cyberman.) JAMIE: What is it? DOCTOR: I think it's their-their leader...their-their controller, Jamie. (The Controller unfurls itself from the foetal position in which it had been resting. It is the same as the others in most respects, but has no chest unit, and the sides of it's helmet lack the usual handle-like audio-modules. The most striking difference, however, is it's head which raises up until it becomes a large translucent red dome running with internal veins and glowing with an inner light. The Cyber-Controller steps out into the cavern and all the drones salute. It then walks forward five paces and stops. All the Cybermen seem rooted to the spot as if awaiting new orders. Klieg approaches the Controller...) KLIEG: I... am Klieg, Eric Klieg. I have brought you back to life. We of the Logicians have planned this. You are alive because of us. Now you will help us. (The Controller remains immobile.) KLIEG: We need your power, you need our mass intelligence. Are you listening? Do you understand me? Now that I have released you... (He raises a threatening arm to the Cyber-Controller who casually grips it in one hand and pushes it down.) KLIEG: ARGGHH... Let me go! (Klieg is forced down to the chamber floor on his knees.) KLIEG: I set you free! (The Cyber-Controller releases it's grip and Klieg squirms on the floor like a maggot on a hook.) KLIEG: It was our plan! (The Cyber-Controller looks on impassively with a thin layer of frost on it's emotionless faceplate.) CONTROLLER: YOU BELONG TO US. YOU SHALL BE LIKE US.

The archaeologists learn they are stranded on Telos and Klieg suggests they use the opportunity to explore the Cybermen's tombs.

fd_FRIENDS_01x02

fd_FRIENDS_01x02_0

Originally written by Marta Kauffman and David Crane. Transcribed by guineapig. PRE-INTRO SCENE: CENTRAL PERK (ALL PRESENT) MONICA: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it. JOEY: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious? PHOEBE: Oh, yeah! RACHEL: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss. MONICA: Absolutely. CHANDLER: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out. ROSS: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket. CHANDLER: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake. RACHEL: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone. JOEY: (PAUSE)....Are we still talking about s*x? SCENE 1: MUSEUM OF PREHISTORIC HISTORY (ROSS AND MARSHA ARE SETTING UP AN EXHIBIT, WHICH INCLUDES SOME MANNEQUINS OF CAVE PEOPLE) ROSS: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry? MARSHA: Well, she has issues. ROSS: Does she. MARSHA: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet! ROSS: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See? MARSHA: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife? (CAROL HAS ENTERED BEHIND THEM, OUTSIDE THE EXHIBIT) ROSS: (TRYING TO IGNORE HER) No. No. MARSHA: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi! ROSS: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (WAVING) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age. (EXIT MARSHA. ROSS WAVES AT CAROL TO COME INTO THE EXHIBIT) ROSS:Hi. CAROL: So. ROSS: You look great. I, uh... I hate that. CAROL: Sorry. You look good too. ROSS: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh... CAROL: A lesbian? ROSS: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family? CAROL: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh- ROSS: Why- why are you here, Carol? CAROL: I'm pregnant. ROSS: Pregnant?! (CUT TO MONICA AND RACHEL'S APARTMENT, WHERE CHANDLER, JOEY, PHOEBE AND MONICA ARE WATCHING 'THREE'S COMPANY') CHANDLER: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding. PHOEBE:...Then I've already seen this one! (TURNS OFF TV) MONICA: (TAKING DRINK FROM JOEY) Are you through with that? JOEY: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down. MONICA: Whose little ball of paper is this?! CHANDLER: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (OFF MONICA'S LOOK) ...now I wish I was dead. (MONICA STARTS TO FLUFF A PILLOW) PHOEBE: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (MON GIVES HER A LOOK) -but, it's fine! MONICA: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have. CHANDLER: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow. PHOEBE: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way. JOEY: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come. MONICA: That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born. CHANDLER: (AT WINDOW) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew! MONICA: What? CHANDLER: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster! ALL: Eeaagh! (ENTER RACHEL FROM HER BEDROOM) RACHEL: Has anybody seen my engagement ring? PHOEBE: Yeah, it's beautiful. RACHEL: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God.... (LOOKING UNDER CUSHIONS) PHOEBE: No, look, don't touch that! RACHEL: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder... MONICA: Easy Rach, we'll find it. (TO ALL) Won't we! CHANDLER+JOEY: Oh! Yeah! JOEY: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last? PHOEBE: Doy! Probably right before she lost it! CHANDLER: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days... RACHEL: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with... CHANDLER: ...Dinah? RACHEL: (LOOKING AT THE LASAGNE AND REALISING) Ohhhhh, don't be mad... MONICA: You didn't. RACHEL: Oh, I am sorry... MONICA: I gave you one job! (EXAMINING THE LASAGNE THROUGH THE GLASS DISH) RACHEL: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are! CHANDLER: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne... MONICA: (PUTS DOWN THE lASAGNE) I just... can't do it. CHANDLER: Boys? We're going in. (CHANDLER, JOEY+PHOEBE START TO PICK THROUGH THE LASAGNE. A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. IT IS ROSS) ROSS: .....Hi. MONICA: Wow. That is not a happy hi. ROSS: Carol's pregnant. PHOEBE: (WHILE EVERYONE ELSE IS STUNNED) Ooh! I found it! MONICA: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-... ROSS: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (HE COMES IN) CHANDLER: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon? RACHEL: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing? ROSS: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me. PHOEBE: She is so great! I miss her. MONICA: What does she mean by 'involved'? CHANDLER: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done. ROSS: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow. RACHEL: So what are you gonna do? ROSS: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father. (AT THE SOUND OF JOEY EATING THE LASAGNE, THE GANG TURN ROUND TO STARE AT HIM ACCUSINGLY) JOEY: .....Well, this is still ruined, right? SCENE 2: MONICA AND RACHEL'S. (MONICA AND ROSS ARE POURING WINE FOR MR. AND MRS. GELLER) MRS. GELLER: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (TASTING A SNACK) Mmm! What's that curry taste? MONICA: Curry. MRS. GELLER: Mmmm! ROSS: I- I think they're great! I, I really do. MR. GELLER: (TO ROSS) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she? MRS. GELLER: They all had a thing for him. ROSS: Aw, Mom... MONICA: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me? MRS. GELLER: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant- MONICA: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant. MRS. GELLER: Well, they don't have to know that... (SHE STARTS TO FLUFF THE PILLOWS) MONICA: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please? ROSS: Yeah. (THEY GO TO THE KITCHEN) MRS. GELLER: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy. MONICA: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me. (CUT TO THE FAMILY EATING) MRS. GELLER: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well. MR. GELLER: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money! MRS. GELLER: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar... MONICA: What's that supposed to mean? MRS. GELLER: Nothing! It's an expression. MONICA: No it's not. MR. GELLER: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles... (CUT TO SAME SCENE) MR. GELLER: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer. (AGAIN, CUT TO SAME SCENE) MR. GELLER: ...And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem. MONICA: (TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT) So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? (DIGS HER ELBOW INTO HIS HAND) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks? ROSS: (PULLS HIS HAND AWAY) Okay! Okay. (TO MR.+MRS. GELLER) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby. (STUNNED SILENCE) MRS. GELLER: (TURNS TO MONICA) And you knew about this?! (AD BREAK) SCENE 3: CENTRAL PERK (ALL PRESENT) JOEY: Your folks are really that bad, huh? ROSS: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done. MONICA: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could- (TO ROSS) -I'd want yours. ROSS: Must pee. (GOES TO PEE) PHOEBE: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins. RACHEL: You're twins? PHOEBE: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type. CHANDLER: What does she do? PHOEBE: She's a waitress. RACHEL: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. (THEY START TO LEAVE) MONICA: Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this. CHANDLER: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred. RACHEL: The lights, please.. (JOEY TURNS OFF THE LIGHT. EXIT ALL BUT RACHEL AND ROSS. RACHEL STARTS TO SWEEP, THEN ROSS COMES BACK FROM THE TOILET) ROSS: ...How long was I in there? RACHEL: I'm just cleaning up. ROSS: D'ya.. uh.. d'ya need any help? RACHEL: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (SHE HANDS HIM THE BROOM AND THEN SITS DOWN) ROSS: Anyway.. um.. (STARTS TO SWEEP) So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow? RACHEL: Oh.. a little.. ROSS: Mm-hmm.. RACHEL: A lot. ROSS: Mm. RACHEL: So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped? ROSS: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN... RACHEL: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated? ROSS: Got me. RACHEL: Remember when we were in high school together? ROSS: Yeah. RACHEL: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it? (ROSS GAZES AT HER) ..Ross? ROSS: Yes, yes! RACHEL: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.. (SHE LEANS BACK ONTO HIS HAND) ROSS: Me either... (HE PULLS UP A STOOL AND SITS DOWN SO AS NOT TO HAVE TO PULL HIS HAND AWAY) (CUT TO THE CLINIC. CAROL IS SITTING, WAITING. ENTER ROSS) ROSS: Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway. (ENTER SUSAN, HOLDING A DRINK) SUSAN: Hi. CAROL: Ross, you remember Susan. ROSS: How could I forget? SUSAN: Ross. ROSS: (THEY SHAKE HANDS) Hello, Susan. (TO CAROL) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...? CAROL: Dr. Oberman. ROSS: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he- SUSAN: She. ROSS: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation? CAROL: Yes, and she's very supportive. ROSS: Okay, that's great. (SUSAN HOLDS OUT HER DRINK) No, I'm- Oh. (PASSES IT TO CAROL) CAROL: Thanks. ROSS: (PICKS UP A SURGICAL IMPLEMENT AND MIMES A DUCK WITH IT) Quack, quack.. CAROL: Ross? That opens my cervix. (HE DROPS IT IN HORROR) (CUT TO BARRY'S SURGERY. BARRY IS WORKING ON ROBBIE'S MOUTH. ENTER RACHEL) RACHEL: Barry? BARRY: C'mon in. RACHEL: (HESITATES) Are you sure? BARRY: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours. ROBBIE: Huh?! BARRY: So, how ya doin? RACHEL: I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great! BARRY: Yeah, well.. BERNICE (OVER INTERCOM): Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein's gagging. BARRY (TO INTERCOM): Be right there. (TO ROBBIE+RACHEL) Be back in a sec. (ROBBIE STARES AT RACHEL) RACHEL: I dumped him. ROBBIE: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] (CUT TO THE CLINIC) ROSS: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made? CAROL: Give me a 'for instance'. ROSS: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name? CAROL: Marlon- ROSS: Marlon?! CAROL: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl. ROSS: ...As in Mouse? CAROL: As in my grandmother. ROSS: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia? CAROL: Julia.. SUSAN: We agreed on Minnie. ROSS: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..? (CUT TO THE SURGERY. RACHEL IS DOING HER MAKEUP IN THE MIRROR ON BARRY'S LAMP. ENTER BARRY) BARRY: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to? RACHEL: Oh, not much. I-I got a job. BARRY: Oh, that's great. RACHEL: Why are- why are you so tanned? BARRY: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba. RACHEL: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone? BARRY: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt. ROBBIE: Me?! BARRY: No! (TO RACHEL) I went with Mindy. RACHEL: Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?! BARRY: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now. RACHEL: Oh! Well, um.. (GRABBING HIS FOREHEAD) You've got plugs! BARRY: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet. RACHEL: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye! BARRY: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you. RACHEL: Okay.. BARRY: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist. RACHEL: Wow. BARRY: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Mindy, now I'm happy. Spit. RACHEL: What? ROBBIE: Me. (SPITS) RACHEL: Anyway, um, (GETS THE RING OUT OF HER PURSE) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me. BARRY: Well, thank you for giving it back. (BARRY AND RACHEL SMILE AT EACH OTHER FOR A BIT) ROBBIE: Hello?! (CUT TO THE CLINIC) SUSAN: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen? ROSS: Helen Geller? I don't think so. CAROL: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller. ROSS: Thank you! CAROL: No, I mean it's not Geller. ROSS: What, it's gonna be Helen Willick? CAROL: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch. ROSS: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title? SUSAN: It's my baby too. ROSS: Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm. SUSAN: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is! CAROL: All right, you two, stop it! ROSS: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too. CAROL: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse. ROSS: Of course not, I'm... suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch. SUSAN: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way! ROSS: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do- DR. OBERMAN: (ENTERING) Knock knock!How are we today? Any nausea? ALL: Yeah. Yeah. A little. DR. OBERMAN: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (TO CAROL) Uh, lie back.. ROSS: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now. (HE TURNS TO GO, BUT THE SOUND OF THE SONOGRAM CATCHES HIS EAR; HE RETURNS AND STARES AT IT, TRANSFIXED) ROSS: Oh my God. SUSAN: Look at that. CAROL: I know. CREDITS SCENE: MONICA+RACHEL'S APARTMENT.(ALL WATCHING A VIDEO OF THE SONOGRAM) ROSS: Well? Isn't that amazing? JOEY: What are we supposed to be seeing here? CHANDLER: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise. PHOEBE: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato. ROSS: Then don't do that, alright? PHOEBE: Okay! ROSS: (WALKING OVER TO WHERE MONICA IS STANDING)Monica. Whaddya think? MONICA: (WELLING UP) Mm-hmm. ROSS: Wh- are you welling up? MONICA: No. ROSS: You are, you're welling up. MONICA: Am not! ROSS: You're gonna be an aunt. MONICA: (PUSHES HIM AND STARTS TO CRY) Oh shut up! RACHEL: (ON PHONE) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (SLAMS DOWN PHONE) (TO THE GANG, WHO ARE STARING) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel SO much better now.

Carol tells Ross that she is pregnant with his child. When Ross attends the sonogram appointment, he is stunned to learn that Carol and her partner, Susan, want to give the baby their last names, but not his. When Rachel returns her engagement ring to Barry, she expects him to be heartbroken, but learns he went on their cancelled honeymoon with her maid-of-honor, Mindy. Monica stresses over her and Ross' parents coming for dinner, knowing her mother will fawn over Ross and criticize her.

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EARTHSHOCK BY ERIC SAWARD Part Three Running time: 24:24 [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Then make sure you kill the right people. Look at them! RINGWAY: No tricks. DOCTOR: Look at the state they're in. [SCENE_BREAK] On the bridge. CAPT BRIGGS: Turn that thing off. What's the delay? Where's Ringway? The communicator rings. BERGER: Bridge. RINGWAY (v.o.): I've apprehended two stowaways. CAPT BRIGGS: Apprehended. Why can't he say 'caught'? So melodramatic. BERGER: Take them to the brig. CAPT BRIGGS: I'd rather have them up here. RINGWAY: Vance and Carson are dead, murdered by the stowaways. CAPT BRIGGS: Oh, that's all we need. RINGWAY: Their bodies are by silo 941. CAPT BRIGGS: Well get a stretcher party down there. You've done well, Mister, you'll get extra bonus. RINGWAY: I'd rather have Vance and Carson alive. The Cybermen are checking out the action. CYBERLIEUTENANT: Which one is the Doctor? CYBERLEADER: The tall one with the fair hair. Even under the threat of death he has the arrogance of a Time Lord. CYBERLIEUTENANT: Now that the Doctor is a prisoner, it is time to secure the freighter. CYBERLEADER: Indeed. But the Doctor must be taken alive. He must suffer for our past defeats. [SCENE_BREAK] In the TARDIS. LT SCOTT: I think I should go and look for him. NYSSA: No, wait. You might spoil things. TEGAN: The Doctor's quite capable. And Nyssa's right. A show of force might ruin everything. LT SCOTT: I hope you're right. The stretcher party carry the stretcher down the stairs past the ascending Adric, Doctor, and Ringway. Adric's got his hands up. RINGWAY: There's no hurry, they're quite dead. Aren't they? DOCTOR: Look - ADRIC: What do we have to say to convince you that we're not stowaways? RINGWAY: There's nothing you can say. DOCTOR: Let me show you how we traveled here. We have a ship of our own. We don't need to be stowaways. RINGWAY: Stowaways or pirates, you're still murderers. Keep moving. [SCENE_BREAK] Back at Cyber control. CYBERLEADER: Activate my personal guard. CYBERLIEUTENANT: Will that be enough, leader? CYBERLEADER: The crew is small. They will offer little resistance. The lieutenant operates some controls. On the Bridge. CAPT BRIGGS: You've caused me a great deal of trouble. DOCTOR: I assure you, you have the wrong people. RINGWAY: Don't answer the Captain back. CAPT BRIGGS: Quite all right, Ringway, I can fight my own battles, thank you. I suppose you're going to say you know nothing about the disappearance of three of my crewmembers. DOCTOR: How can we? We've only just arrived on your ship. CAPT BRIGGS: Someone's responsible! ADRIC: It isn't us! An alarm sounds. BERGER: A power surge! The information comes up on the monitors. CAPT BRIGGS: Is this your work? [SCENE_BREAK] In the TARDIS, Nyssa is pretending to do something useful. NYSSA: I don't understand this. There's a strong electromagnetic field nearby. TEGAN: So what? NYSSA: Its sheer size. It's massive. TEGAN: Well, could it harm the Doctor and Adric? NYSSA: I can't tell without knowing what's happening. At Cybercontrol. CYBERLIEUTENANT: Receptors fully charged. CYBERLEADER: Excellent. Activate. The lieutenant flips some toggle switches on the control console. Elsewhere, a Cyberman wrapped in plastic begins to stir. Its fingers flex. CYBERLIEUTENANT: Reaction readings steady. CYBERLEADER: Continue. The Cyberman pulls the plastic wrap from its face as it continues to come to life. [SCENE_BREAK] On the Bridge. CAPT BRIGGS: A bomb? On Earth? Controlled from this ship? ADRIC: It's all true! DOCTOR: Every word. BERGER: At least his story is original. CAPT BRIGGS: Are you trying to make a fool of me? DOCTOR: No, I wouldn't dare. RINGWAY: He's just wasting time. DOCTOR: You said yourself, things have occurred you can't explain. CAPT BRIGGS: It doesn't follow that I've got a band of conspirators at work on this ship! DOCTOR: Well, the crewmen who've disappeared may have discovered otherwise. BERGER: Why are you listening to this fool? He'll say anything to wriggle his way out of it. Another alarm sounds. CAPT BRIGGS: What's that? BERGER: It's happening again. A power surge. [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the TARDIS, Scott checks Facebook on his wrist-band iPhone. LT SCOTT: We've waited long enough. PROF KYLE: The lieutenant's right. The Doctor could be in a lot of trouble. NYSSA: I'm as concerned as you, but my instinct is to wait. PROF KYLE: Why? NYSSA: Things don't feel right. TEGAN: The electromagnetic field? NYSSA: Yes. I want things to settle down before we go out. [SCENE_BREAK] On the bridge they are looking at a system schematic on the monitor. CAPT BRIGGS: The power loss is enormous. DOCTOR: How often has this happened? BERGER: A few times. But never on this scale. A box on the schematic flashes red. BERGER: There's your power loss! Hold number four. CAPT BRIGGS: Well, get a squad down there at once. DOCTOR: Can't you isolate the power line? BERGER: Not without closing down half the ship, it's a main cable. DOCTOR: Well it's the only way you'll stop them. CAPT BRIGGS: Who? DOCTOR: I don't know. But I have the feeling whatever's causing your power loss is out for considerably more than control of this ship. At Cybercontrol. CYBERLIEUTENANT: Personal guard fully activated. CYBERLEADER: Excellent. CYBERLIEUTENANT: The Captain of the freighter will see that his power lines have been tapped. CYBERLEADER: Why did you not jam their instruments? CYBERLIEUTENANT: Our demand on their electrical supply was too great. The ship's computer was alerted. CYBERLEADER: We will take the bridge at once. Continue the reactivation. [SCENE_BREAK] On the bridge, Ringway inserts an electronic key into a lock. The door slides open to reveal a weapons locker. He begins to hand out rifles one by one to the crew. The schematic on the screen has more zones flashing different colors. CAPT BRIGGS: Ringway? RINGWAY: Yes, Captain. CAPT BRIGGS: Stand fast. BERGER: We must come out of warp drive. CAPT BRIGGS: No! BERGER: If we continue to lose power at this rate our engines could misphase. CAPT BRIGGS: I will not risk losing my bonus for a few miserable stowaways. DOCTOR: Your first officer is right. You must listen to her. CAPT BRIGGS: No. ADRIC: Why not? BERGER: The transponder would inform Earth security that we deviated from flight schedule. If Earth is on red alert, we would be stopped. CAPT BRIGGS: We haven't got time. If I'm late delivering my cargo, I not only lose my bonus, but I have to pay a heavy fine. DOCTOR: The story about the bomb is true. Whoever planted it is now in your hold! CAPT BRIGGS: I will not stop this ship. DOCTOR: You've got clearance through to Earth! That's where they want to go! You're giving them safe passage! CAPT BRIGGS (to Ringway): Position your men on the high walkway. What's down there stays there. RINGWAY: Yes, Captain. ADRIC: Now, look, you must listen to the Doctor. CAPT BRIGGS: I've no reason to believe either of you two. BERGER: Then believe your own instruments, Captain. CAPT BRIGGS: We will go on. [SCENE_BREAK] In the TARDIS. NYSSA: The magnetic field is reducing. It should be safe to go out. LT SCOTT: Right. We're moving out. TEGAN: I want to come with you. LT SCOTT: No. It could be rough. TEGAN: I think I'd find it rougher waiting! PROF KYLE: Are you sure? You're not even dressed for it. TEGAN: Are you going out? PROF KYLE: No. TEGAN: Then lend me your overalls. LT SCOTT: Ah ... NYSSA: Don't bother to argue. He sighs. He hands Nyssa a communicator. LT SCOTT: If the Doctor returns, call me. I don't want to be out there any longer than I have to. Nyssa opens the door, and Scott and his troops slowly file out. Without waiting for Tegan. [SCENE_BREAK] Inside the freighter, the crew prepare for ... something. RINGWAY: Bring some more down here. Down here. They are stacking boxes up for flimsy barricades. This makes no sense, why should they even think something is coming? Ringway is lost in thought. Oh of course, what a giveaway, he knows what's there. [SCENE_BREAK] On the TARDIS scanner, Lt Scott's troops begin to move out. Tegan is with them. She changed fast. Kyle comes from the inner rooms. PROF KYLE: Oh. Is there nothing positive we can do? NYSSA: Try not to worry. [SCENE_BREAK] On the bridge, the schematic has gone still. BERGER: Power loss has stabilized. CAPT BRIGGS: Can we hold warp speed? BERGER: Just about. CAPT BRIGGS: I knew it. We'll make it yet. ADRIC (to Doctor): Do you remember what you asked me after we'd deactivated the bomb? DOCTOR: Why a bomb and not some other device. ADRIC: Well, with the Earth on red alert, a missile wouldn't get through. DOCTOR: Mmm. We still don't know what they're really after. Scott's troops continue moving. They pause at each intersection of row between silos, using caution. They move on slowly. There are three troops along with Lt Scott and Tegan. On the Bridge. BERGER: Captain, look. The monitor screens showing surveillance video begin to go dark. CAPT BRIGGS: This could be it. They trigger Ringway's communicator. RINGWAY: Ringway. CAPT BRIGGS: Stand by. The security cameras are on the blink. DOCTOR: Perhaps I could help. CAPT BRIGGS: You stay where you are. BERGER: We should secure these two in the brig. CAPT BRIGGS: Not yet. I want them where I can see them. Out in the corridors. RINGWAY: To your positions. Take cover. The crewmembers all take up places that don't seem strategic at all, some behind the stack of two tiny boxes, others up on the top level of the high school bleachers. [SCENE_BREAK] On the bridge, the schematic diagram flashes red again, then goes black. CAPT BRIGGS: We've regained full power. Right, on your feet, you two. DOCTOR: About time. CAPT BRIGGS: Be quiet. Out in the corridors, a troop of seven Cybermen march slowly forward, led by the Cyberleader. Meanwhile, Lt Scott's party have paused. TEGAN: It's vast. We'll never find him. LT SCOTT: You wanted to come. TEGAN: I know. I'm just a mouth on legs. The Cybermen continue, though it looks like they've turned around and are going the other way down the same corridor (which is likely). [SCENE_BREAK] On the Bridge. RINGWAY (o.s.): There's something on the move. CAPT BRIGGS: I can't see anything yet. Has anyone realized that the screen they're watching shouldn't be working, since they all stopped a moment ago? No? Okay. So, their expressions change as the Cybermen stride into view at the top of the picture. Also, the camera moves slightly, as fixed security cameras always seem to do in movies and television. CAPT BRIGGS: Are these your friends? DOCTOR: Definitely not. ADRIC: What are they? Now the security camera seems to be about knee- height and still isn't fixed. DOCTOR: Cybermen. There is the sound of thunder. For some reason. [SCENE_BREAK] In the hold, two Cybermen have come to the first insurmountable barricade. It's a box that they simply push out of the way. The freighter's crew begin firing on the Cybermen, which has no effect. The Cybermen begin firing back, killing them. There is a huge battle involving slow moving Cybermen and a few people not doing much. The Cybermen advance up the steps. BERGER: Are they robots? DOCTOR: Far worse. You must withdraw your men. They don't stand a chance. CAPT BRIGGS: Neither will we, if those things get up here. The Cybermen casually continue heading up the stairs while stupid humans continue firing at them. Lt Scott's party have heard the battle and are rushing in its direction. LT SCOTT: Could that be the Doctor? TEGAN: I hope not. Guns are not his style at all. LT SCOTT: All right. Set weapons on kill. I'm not taking any chances. He steels himself, and takes Tegan's hand. LT SCOTT: Slowly, now. Ringway has a sidearm drawn as he returns to the bridge. He stops outside the door. [SCENE_BREAK] On the top level, the stupid humans continue firing at the Cybermen. Then they decide to retreat. The Cybermen go up the high school bleachers. Slowly. They push some of the little boxes aside as if they are little boxes. Crew members lay dead all over the stairs, well, a few of them. They continue going up, slowly. [SCENE_BREAK] On the bridge again. CAPT BRIGGS: Our defenses are crumbling. We must help. BERGER: We can't leave these two. As they head toward the weapons cabinet, Ringway is revealed standing there, gun pointed in their direction. CAPT BRIGGS: We must take them with us. RINGWAY: No you won't. Stay where you are. CAPT BRIGGS: Ringway! RINGWAY: Yes, Captain? CAPT BRIGGS: The enemy's outside, mister! You're pointing your gun in the wrong direction! RINGWAY: I'm relieving you of command. CAPT BRIGGS: Oh, come off it. RINGWAY: Shut up! I'm tired of your snide remarks and bullying ways. DOCTOR: Oh, you haven't seen anything. Wait until the Cybermen start. RINGWAY: You know them? DOCTOR: Oh, yes. We go back a long way. More little boxes are being pushed around by stupid humans who have retreated into the corridor leading to the bridge. They stack them up, I mean, they proved to be an effective barrier last time, right? The Cybermen come around the corner, and the humans start firing on them again. And dying. DOCTOR: This slaughter is pointless. RINGWAY: Your crew is redundant. The Cybermen will soon be in command. CAPT BRIGGS: You traitor! DOCTOR: It's the Cybermen's way. CAPT BRIGGS: They must have paid you a lot for this. DOCTOR: I'll bet it isn't in gold. RINGWAY: Shut up! DOCTOR: Cybermen are rather allergic to the stuff, brings them out in a cold sweat. ADRIC: Why? DOCTOR: Clogs up their chest units. Suffocates them. Doesn't it? RINGWAY: Just keep talking, Doctor. When the time comes, killing you is gonna be a joy. Outside, Lt Scott motions his party to move forward down the stretch of silos. They move down the corridor along the stretch of silos. [SCENE_BREAK] Back on the bridge. CAPT BRIGGS: Where do these Cybermen come from? DOCTOR: Originally Mondas, but that was destroyed. You know, I'm surprised they didn't mention me. RINGWAY: Perhaps you overestimate your importance. DOCTOR: Oh, I doubt it. Especially as I confined them to a frozen tomb on Telos. They didn't mention that either? Oh, my, they have been forgetful. Adric has been taking his badge off. Ringway sees. RINGWAY: What's that? ADRIC: A badge. RINGWAY: I see it's a badge. What's it made of? ADRIC: I don't know. RINGWAY: It's gold. ADRIC: Wha? Go--? Oh, only the edge. It couldn't do any harm. RINGWAY: Trying to hide it from me, were you? DOCTOR: Listen. The firing's stopped. RINGWAY: Berger. Where's Berger? They take him by surprise as he steps forward. The Doctor disarms him. Briggs chops him down. ADRIC: Look out! The Cybermen have reached the open door, but Berger has activated the control. The door falls shut before they get inside. [SCENE_BREAK] In the other corridor, the Cybermen kick aside those intimidating boxes and walk past the corpses. The Doctor, still holding Ringway's gun, picks up Adric's badge and looks at it. Behind him, more Cybermen appear in a different door. DOCTOR: Berger! He raises the gun. Outside, more Cybermen walk past corpses. DOCTOR: Those shields won't hold them there for long. CAPT BRIGGS: They'll last until we get back to Earth. DOCTOR: And then? CAPT BRIGGS: There's only a few of them, our security men will cope with them. DOCTOR: They're an invasion force. Earth is where they want to go. There are considerably more than a few on board. ADRIC: How many of these silos are you carrying? CAPT BRIGGS: Oh, fifteen thousand, or ... Did you see that penny drop? CAPT BRIGGS: It's not possible. The Cyberleader reaches the squad at the door. CYBERLEADER: Have you tested their defenses? CYBERLIEUTENANT: Yes, leader. We are able to break through them. CYBERLEADER: Excellent. Prepare to break through the bulkhead shields. Is the Doctor on the bridge? CYBERLIEUTENANT: He is. CYBERLEADER: He must be taken alive. [SCENE_BREAK] In the freighter corridors. TEGAN: I'm exhausted. LT SCOTT: Sh! Keep your voice down. They have arrived at the location of the battle. Scott dashes up the stair and checks one of the fallen people. LT SCOTT: He's dead. TEGAN: It's a massacre. LT SCOTT: Doctor and Adric? TEGAN: No. She sees Cybermen. TEGAN: Look! LT SCOTT: Take cover! Tegan moves back. LT SCOTT: Get back! They hide around the corner. [SCENE_BREAK] On the bridge, they watch what's happening just outside the door on the screen. The Cybermen have brought a large gun or laser with them. BERGER: We could pump all the air out of the hold. DOCTOR: Mm-hmm. Unfortunately, Cybermen don't need it. Is there any way you could jettison the hold? CAPT BRIGGS: None. Ringway, on the floor, moans. ADRIC: I think Mr Ringway is recovering. CAPT BRIGGS: Pity. I've just composed a particularly nasty epitaph for him. The Cybermen guards under observation by Scott's party are trading jokes. LT SCOTT: Whatever they are, they're going to be difficult to kill. TEGAN: We haven't tried yet. LT SCOTT: Look at those bodies. Same rifles as ours. TEGAN: So? LT SCOTT: Have you seen any of those silver things dead? [SCENE_BREAK] On the bridge. CAPT BRIGGS: Would threatening to kill him slow those tin things down? DOCTOR: Not at all. RINGWAY: You're all dead, why don't you surrender? DOCTOR: Not yet. There may be a way to neutralize that. [SCENE_BREAK] Back outside. TEGAN: Do we go on? LT SCOTT: Past them? TEGAN: Is there another way? Outside the bridge. CYBERLEADER: Ready? CYBERLIEUTENANT: Yes, leader. CYBERLEADER: Then activate the thermal lance. The scout puts the lance up against the door. We cut to a freeze frame of it, as the door around the tip begins to glow a pinkish red. The whole door is glowing within seconds. Inside, Adric holds up his arms to protect from the intense heat. ADRIC: Doctor! DOCTOR: They've started. I see from the computer the ship is powered by antimatter. CAPT BRIGGS: So? DOCTOR: How is the antimatter contained? CAPT BRIGGS: A stabilized vessel. Berger's the expert. DOCTOR: Is there any way we can tap the stabilizing device? BERGER: Yes. The machinery's here. She opens a panel. DOCTOR: Excellent. ADRIC: Are we going to try and stabilize the shield? DOCTOR: Yes. CAPT BRIGGS: Will it work? BERGER: It might. It's worth a try. [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the TARDIS. PROF KYLE: Shall we call them? NYSSA: No! She walks over and takes the communicator from Kyle. NYSSA: I'm sure everything's all right. The lance is still aimed at the door. Inside. ADRIC (whiny): Just explain what you're trying to do. DOCTOR: We are under attack, Adric. ADRIC: Well, then, tell me quickly! DOCTOR: All right! First, tell me, what is the square root of 3.69873? ADRIC: Oh, about 1.92321. It comes up on the screen after the Doctor punches it in. The answer shows that Adric rounded up. BERGER: That's not possible. DOCTOR: Oh, he's very good. And almost right. ADRIC: Will you just try and explain what you're doing? DOCTOR: Antimatter powers the ship. For the antimatter to remain safe it has to be contained in a vessel with a totally stable molecular structure, otherwise it would ... well, blow to bits. ADRIC: But no such material exists. DOCTOR: Absolutely right, although with computer controlled electronics, it is possible to simulate it. ADRIC: But you're saying that that macahine will constantly adjust and readjust the molecular structure of the antimatter vessel? DOCTOR: Right. However destructive the antimatter is, the vessel is always stable. ADRIC: That's very clever. DOCTOR: Oh it is. BERGER: But will the device work to stabilize the shield? DOCTOR: Well, if it doesn't ... we're dead. Out in the hold, the Cyber guards are still telling jokes. TEGAN: Can you cope with the two of them? LT SCOTT: I hope so. But I've got to get a clear shot at both of them. [SCENE_BREAK] On the bridge. CAPT BRIGGS: This shield's not gonna last much longer! BERGER: I'd better tell the computer what we're up to. DOCTOR: Right! Hurry! [SCENE_BREAK] Back to the joking Cybermen. TEGAN: Now? LT SCOTT: No. I want that second one just a bit closer. It moves back a bit. LT SCOTT: Fire! The troops open fire. The Cybermen fall. Tegan rushes forward. LT SCOTT: Come back! She grabs the gun from one of them and shoots it as it struggles to rise. Scott runs forward and grabs her. LT SCOTT: Don't take risks like that again! The other Cyberman, wounded, is limping away. TEGAN: One of them got away. LT SCOTT: Yes. We should get back to the TARDIS immediately. TEGAN: Not before we've found the Doctor and Adric. [SCENE_BREAK] On the bridge. BERGER: Ready when you are. DOCTOR: Right. CAPT BRIGGS: Hurry, Doctor! DOCTOR: Just a second! CYBERLEADER: The shield is now soft enough. Break through! [SCENE_BREAK] On the inside, one of the Cybermen's hands punches through the shield. As soon as it does, the Doctor puts two wires into the hand. DOCTOR: Now! Sparks fly, and the Cyberman is frozen mid-way through the door, which is solid again. They go to admire the frozen-in-carbonite look. ADRIC: It worked! CAPT BRIGGS: Oh, well done, Doctor! Around the other door, the Cyberleader goes for plan B. CYBERLIEUTENANT: You are right, leader. The Doctor is a formidable opponent. CYBERLEADER: I anticipated as much. Activate the charge! The wounded Cyberman comes crawling around the corner. CYBERLIEUTENANT: Leader! They look. CYBERLIEUTENANT: He has been damaged by gunfire. CYBERLEADER: There is still resistance. CYBERLIEUTENANT: According to the Earthling, there were only ten crew members. They have all been accounted for. CYBERLEADER: Then he has lied. Order the activation of reinforcements. Without communicating somehow, the scout at Cyber control pushes a button to activate reinforcements. CYBERLEADER: Charges primed? CYBERLIEUTENANT: Yes, leader. The three of them step back around the corner. CYBERLEADER: Fire! The other door to the bridge blasts open, a hole torn right in the middle of it. The explosion throws the Doctor and the others to the floor. DOCTOR: I should have realized. The Cybermen come in through the damaged door. There's a lot of them, even though there were only three outside. CAPT BRIGGS: No! Ringway disarms her. The rest of the Cybermen come in and take their marks. The Cyberleader comes last. He faces the Doctor. CYBERLEADER: So. We meet again. Doctor. He strolls over to his side. Casually he gestures at one of the guards who advances menacingly on the Doctor, gun at the ready. DOCTOR: Uh ... ADRIC: No! DOCTOR: Uh ... But the Cyberman turns on Ringway instead, and shoots him. Ringway falls to the floor dead. The Doctor looks on in shock. CYBERLEADER: He deceived us. DOCTOR: You never change. Always the perfect guests. [SCENE_BREAK] In the TARDIS. PROF KYLE: What happens to us if the Doctor doesn't come back? NYSSA: It depends where this ship's going. PROF KYLE: You can't fly the TARDIS? NYSSA: I understand some of the principles. PROF KYLE: But you couldn't get us back to Earth? NYSSA: Not without difficulty. [SCENE_BREAK] On the bridge. CYBERLEADER: Our records indicate that you have a fondness for Earth. DOCTOR: Fondness. I'm surprised your emotionless brain understands the word. CYBERLEADER: It is a word, like any other. And so is 'destruction' which is what we are going to do to that planet. DOCTOR: You've tried before. CYBERLEADER: This time we shall succeed, and you will live just long enough to witness it. CYBERLIEUTENANT: Reactivation completed. CYBERLEADER: Excellent. Now you will see our strength. Throughout the freighter's hold, Cybermen begin bursting out of the silos. Lt Scott's party hear the clanging. LT SCOTT: Let's move. TEGAN: Whatever it is, it's between us and the TARDIS. They move, walking slowly through the rows of silos, exercising caution as they go. The noises of Cybermen breaking out continue ringing through the echoing hold. Suddenly Cybermen begin appearing all around them, still with plastic clinging to them; they stagger with disorientation. LT SCOTT: Take cover! Tegan runs past the Cybermen, but Lt Scott and the others run the other way. More Cybermen break out of more silos, ripping more plastic sheets. Gradually they fall in line to begin their march like good Cybermen. Tegan has taken cover under the bleachers and watches them. More and more of them break free and begin marching.

Captain Briggs takes the Doctor prisoner, suspecting him of being behind the murders on board. Meanwhile the Cybermen start the process of taking over the ship with the help of a traitorous crew member. The Cybermen also start reviving other Cybermen who are hidden away as cargo.

fd_True_Blood_01x04

fd_True_Blood_01x04_0

Scene 1: Sookie is in Dawn's bedroom. Dawn's alarm clock is buzzing. Sookie (screaming): Help! Someone, please! (Sookie moves to Dawn's body, lying in bed.) Sookie: Sweetie. What did you get yourself into? (Sookie pulls the sheet over Dawn's face. Cut to a vase falling to the floor and shattering. Sookie turns around, and Jason enters the room and stares at Dawn's body.) Sookie: Oh my God, Jason. (Sookie moves toward Jason, and hugs him.) Sookie: Oh, my God. Jason: It's OK. Sookie (screaming, beating on Jason with her open hands): Like hell it is! Look at her! She is definitely not...okay! Jason: Bangin' on me ain't gonna change anything none. Miss Lefebvre (off-camera): Dawn? I heard yelling. (Dawn's neighbor, Miss Lefebvre, enters the room, looks at Sookie and Jason, and sees Dawn's body in bed.) Miss Lefebvre: Sweet Lord in heaven. No. (Miss Lefebvre makes the Sign of the Cross on herself, walks to Dawn's bed and looks at the body.) Miss Lefebvre (turning to Jason, angry): What did you do? Jason: Me? Sookie: I found her, Miss Lefebvre. He...just got here. Miss Lefebvre: I saw you last night, Jason Stackhouse. I heard y'all fightin', then she took a shot at you, and you ran off. And now she's dead. Sookie: Jason? Jason: Yeah. We had a fight. But I came here to apologize. (Jason holds up a small bouquet of flowers.) Sookie: She fired a gun at you, and you come back to apologize? Jason: Sook...I didn't do this! You gotta believe me. Miss Lefebvre: Well, I'm calling the police. (Miss Lefebvre leaves the room.) Jason: Well, call 'em! (Jason throws the bouquet across the room.) Jason: I had nothing to do with this. (Jason leaves the bedroom, then violently swings open the front door of Dawn's apartment (# 5044), sits on the porch, and looks over his left shoulder, frightened.) Cut to opening credits to the tune of "Bad Things" by Jace Everett Scene 2: A crowd has gathered outside of Dawn's apartment. Sookie's car is parked directly in front. Hoyt: I don't get it. She was so pretty. Arlene: Well, maybe...it was just her time. Ren : Ahhhhhh...she was only twen'y-t'ree years old. Ain't no twen'y-t'ree-year-old in the world whose time has come. (Mrs. Fortenberry, holding a leaf fan, joins them.) Mrs. Fortenberry: Hey, y'all. What'd I miss? Hoyt: Dawn's dead, Mama. Mrs. Fortenberry: I know. What a shame. Who they got in there? Arlene: Jason and Sookie Stackhouse. She found the body, but it sounds like they think he might have done it. Hoyt: Well, he didn't! Mrs. Fortenberry: Then who did? Arlene: I don't know. Hoyt: Probably the same person that killed Maudette. Ren : I tell you one t'ing, man. We too small a town to be losin' girls one after ta udder like this.Whoever it is, I hope they fry the <snip>. Arlene: Ren ! Ren (turns to Mrs. Fortenberry): Uh, pardon my language, Miss Maxine. Mrs. Fortenberry: No need to apologize, Ren . We're all excited. Mmm, mmm! To be a fly on the wall in that apartment right now! Scene 3: Close-up of Dawn's face, now uncovered. A fly has landed on her lower lip. Sheriff Bud Dearborne and Detective Andy Bellefleur are speaking with Sookie and Jason in Dawn's living room. Sheriff Bud Dearborne (to Sookie): Now, I realize you've been through a lot. And you're scared. But I need you to try and remember when you got here. Was the door open? Or just unlocked? Sookie: Uh...o-open, I think. (Bud writes "KILLER HAD KEY?" on a memo pad as Sookie begins hearing the thoughts of others in the apartment.) Andy Bellefleur (thinking): It <snip> me off the way she keeps callin' me "Andy." Everyone calls Bud "sheriff." Why can't they call me "detective," <snip> damn it? When am I gonna get some respect around here? I'm a detective - [unintelligible] Unnamed Police Officer in Dawn's bedroom (thinking): Would you look at that? A fine pair of perfect, natural breasts. I'd have laid down money that they were fake. Well done, God. Now and then, not so well done, letting her die like You did. Jason (thinking): <snip>. <snip>. <snip> am I gonna do? I already got out of this once. No way they gonna let me walk again. And I'm too damned pretty to go to prison. Sheriff Bud Dearborne: Sookie! (Sookie is startled.) Sookie: Sorry... um, what was the question? Sheriff Bud Dearborne: Is that the exact position you found her in? Sookie: Well, I covered her up with a sheet, but I don't think I touched her. Sheriff Bud Dearborne: I wish you hadn't o' done that. Sookie: Next time I find a friend of mine dead, I'll try to remember that. Scene 4: The crowd outside Dawn's apartment. Mrs. Fortenberry (fanning herself): Uhh! I keep waiting for this heat to break, but it won't. Arlene: Uhh! It's the stubbornest summer we're having. Mrs. Fortenberry: Oh, I know. I feel like a cat on a hot tin roof. That's from a play. (Hoyt snorts and winces.) Ren : Well, I sho could use a beer right now in me. Y'all want some? (Ren walks toward (his/Arlene's/his and Arlene's, maybe?) apartment (# 5048).) Hoyt: Yeah, if you're getting one. Mrs. Fortenberry: Bring me one, wouldja? Arlene: While you're in there, would you mind rustlin' up a bucket of ice? And some of those nice plastic cups we got at the Super Save-A-Bunch last weekend? Ren : Yeah. Arlene: And maybe some paper doilies? Ren : Lord, woman, what's wit'choo and them doilies? Doilies are to protect the table. We outside. Arlene: They might wanna put 'em down on the car or something. Just bring the doilies, please. Ren : Fine. (Ren goes inside.) Arlene (to Mrs. Fortenberry): If all our conversations end with them saying "fine," why do they bother putting up a fight? (Arlene and Mrs. Fortenberry chuckle.) Scene 5: Detective Andy Bellefleur and Miss Lefebvre are seated in Dawn's living room. Andy questions her. Andy Bellefleur: So this fight you heard Dawn and Jason havin': Were you able to make any of it out? Miss Lefebvre: Just the tail end, right before the gunshot. He called her... (An off-camera male voice is heard in the background, ostensibly coming from Dawn's bedroom. The commentary is very difficult to understand clearly, and continues for the duration of this scene.) Miss Lefebvre: ...a very bad word. Andy Bellefleur: Uh, huh. And what was that word? (The male voice is heard saying "I found her underwear".) Miss Lefebvre: Well...it starts with, uh...a "B". Andy Bellefleur: I see. (Andy writes "Bitch --> gunshot" on his memo pad. The male voice is heard saying "shot".) Andy Bellefleur: OK. That'll be all. Thank you, Miss Lefebvre. Miss Lefebvre: Oh...you're welcome, Andy, dear. (Miss Lefebvre smiles, pats Andy on the hand, gets up and leaves the apartment. Andy does a slow burn. The male voice is heard saying "How undignified, dyin' without your underwear on.") Scene 6: Outside Dawn's apartment. Jason is handcuffed as Andy leads him to the police car, purposely bumping Jason into it. After opening the left rear door, Andy throws Jason into the car as Sookie watches from the front porch. Andy shuts the door, and Jason raises himself up to a seated position. Jason: Ai...ai...it's hot. (Jason tries to roll down the window. There is no handle inside the police car for him to do that.) Jason (screaming to Andy, who is still outside): Hey. Hey! Hey! You gonna make me wait in the car, can you at least turn on the A.C.? I know you can hear me! (Andy puts on his sunglasses, pretending not to notice Jason.) Jason: <snip>. [heavy sigh] Oh, <snip>. (Jason takes out the vial of V-juice from his jeans pocket, looks around, uncaps the vial, and drinks the V-juice. Jason places the empty vial in the space between the right rear passenger side back and seat cushions just before Andy gets in the car.) Jason: Couldn't hear me yellin'? Car's hotter than hell. Andy Bellefleur: Shut up. (An older-model sport-utility vehicle approaches, driven by Sam Merlotte. He is wearing sunglasses. Sookie is still standing on the front porch as Bud leaves the apartment.) Sheriff Bud Dearborne: Thank you, Sookie. We'll be in touch. Andy Bellefleur (shouting) Bud! Let's roll before I melt in here! Hoyt: Stop it, Mama! I don't need any sunblock. (Mrs. Fortenberry is applying sunblock to Hoyt's bare arms and face as Arlene watches.) Mrs. Fortenberry: Oh, please Hoyt. If anyone needs sunblock, it's you. Your skin's whiter than Desitin. Hoyt: Mama, I'm gonna move out. I swear it, I will. (Sam has exited his SUV and walks past the Fortenberrys toward Dawn's apartment.) Mrs. Fortenberry: No, you won't! Now get down, so I can get your neck! (Mrs. Fortenberry continues applying sunblock to Hoyt. Sam passes Bud as he enters the front passenger side of the police car. Andy starts the engine, sounds the siren, and the sound of the car leaving can be heard. Sookie is sitting down on the porch now, and looks up to see Sam, not wearing sunglasses.) Sam: Came as soon as I heard. (Sam sits down next to Sookie. He is holding his sunglasses in his left hand.) Sam: I'm sorry you had to be the one to find her. Sookie: It was gonna be somebody, right? Sam: I guess. Oh, I tell you, Sook. Sometimes I don't even recognize this world we're livin' in. I mean, <snip> damn it! Sookie: Be careful, now! God didn't do this. (Sam chuckles quietly and smiles at Sookie.) Sam: You think maybe I should...shut down the bar for the day? Sookie: All that'd do is deny people a good, stiff drink on the day they could use it the most. Sam: Yeah, but... Sookie: I know it's supposed to be my day off and all, but the last thing I need right now is time alone with my thoughts. Sam: All right, then. We'll open. Sookie: I may be late, though. I gotta swing by home and tell Gran what's goin' on. Sam: It's Bon Temps. She already knows. Sookie: Still, with...Jason and everything... Unnamed police officer (off-camera): Excuse me, are you Mr. Merlotte? (Sam and Sookie turn around to see an Unnamed Police Officer behind them.) Sam: Yes: Unnamed Police Officer: Detective in charge tells me you're the landlord. Sam: That's right. Unnamed Police Officer: We need to get in the victim's storage unit, but we don't have a key. If you could find one, it'd be a big help right about now. (Sam stands up to take some keys on a key ring out of his pocket. He bends over, kisses Sookie on the top of her head. Sookie stares downward.) Neil Jones (off-camera): Uhh, Miss? (Sookie turns her head to the front door to see Neil Jones, wearing a navy blue work vest with "CORONER" in gray letters across the back shoulders, and a navy blue ball-cap with "CORONER" across the front, trying to exit the front door.) Neil Jones: Could you please let us by? (Sookie moves to allow Neil Jones and the Coroner, Mike Spencer, by. Mike Spencer is wearing the same type of vest and ball-cap Neil Jones is wearing. The two are carrying what is probably Dawn's body in a black plastic bag. They move awkwardly along the narrow porch.) Mike Spencer (to Sookie): Neil Jones, my new apprentice. (The top half of Neil Jones's face is obscured by the brim of the ball-cap he is wearing. He is Caucasian with brown hair.) Mike Spencer: He's from Kentucky. Neil Jones: Hi. Sookie: Uh...hi. Mike Spencer: Lift, kid. Come on, lift. Ugh! (Sookie watches as Mike Spencer and Neil Jones take Dawn's body to a sport-utility vehicle.) Mike Spencer: You don't have to be too careful. (small chuckle) Ain't gonna hurt her. Neil Jones: OK. (Mike Spencer and Neil Jones load the body into the back of the sport-utility vehicle. Sookie watches them, and we hear the rear doors of the sport-utility vehicle close.) Scene 7: The police station inside Bon Temps Town Hall. Bud and Andy are sitting on the same side of a desk, and Jason sits on the opposite side. There is a cassette recorder in front of Bud and Andy. There is a microphone on a stand in front of Jason, as is an opened cellophane wrapper. Bud is chewing on an unlit cigar. Andy Bellefleur: So you had a fight. (Jason licks his fingers.) Andy Bellefleur: She took a shot at you with a gun, and you just left? Didn't see her again till you showed up with booze and flowers and found her dead this mornin'? Jason: That's my story, and it ain't gonna change. Andy Bellefleur: Except it just did change. You just admitted you're the one who found her, not Sookie. Jason: Uh, no I didn't. Uh, you're tryin' to trick me! It don't count if I get tricked. Does it? (Bud takes the cigar from his mouth.) Andy Bellefleur: Make you hot, Jason? Killing girls and stickin' it to 'em? (Jason fidgets.) Jason: No. Andy Bellefleur: See, I think it does. I think it turns you on. Jason: Sounds to me like it turns you on. (Bud laughs. Andy looks at him with an angry look on his face.) Andy Bellefleur: Tell me, is that how you do it? Kill 'em then <snip> 'em? Or do you <snip> 'em and then kill 'em? Or I know... (Andy stands up at looks down at Jason.) Andy Bellefleur: You strangle 'em as you're <snip>' 'em, don't you, you sick <snip>? (We see Jason's crotch from underneath the desk, and something is coming up for Jason. Something very hard for him to ignore. Jason looks down at his crotch, and crosses his hands over his lap.) Andy Bellefleur: How many other women you done this to besides Dawn and Maudette? Jason: Maudette? I...I didn't...I gotta use the bathroom. (Jason turns to get up from his chair. He leaves the room, and Andy starts to follow him, but is grabbed by Bud.) Sheriff Bud Dearborne: Man's gotta pee, Andy. (Jason is walking very quickly past some cubicles, trying to find the bathroom.) Jason (to anyone in the cubicles within earshot): Bathroom? Bathroom? (An Unnamed Cubicle Slave stands up and points to the bathroom.) Unnamed Cubicle Slave: It's over there. (Jason makes his way to the bathroom in the lobby of the police station. He winces in pain as he pushes open the door to the bathroom. He wanders to the sink and bends down over it. He unbuttons the front button of his jeans.) Jason: Ahh. <snip>! Andy Bellefleur (off-camera): You shouldn't have laughed. (Bud and Andy are sitting at the desk, waiting for Jason to return.) Sheriff Bud Dearborne: What are you talking about? Andy Bellefleur: When he came back at me with that crack about me bein' the one getting' turned on, you shouldn'ta laughed. Sheriff Bud Dearborne: I guess it just struck me as funny, 'cause you were working so hard on him, and I don't think he did it. (Jason is still in the bathroom, looking downward.) Jason (whispering): What the <snip>? (Jason struggles to undo his jeans. Bud and Andy continue their discussion.) Andy Bellefleur: Bud, we got two dead girls, and this dumb<snip> admits to sleepin' with both of 'em within hours before they were killed. Sheriff Bud Dearborne: Yeah, and both our dead girls got bit by vampires too. Far as I can tell, Stackhouse don't have fangs. (Jason is still at the sink in the bathroom trying to undo his jeans. He screams in agony. Bud and Andy hear Jason's scream at the desk. Jason falls against a wall and to the floor of the men's room, his right hand tucked into the front of his jeans. Bud and Andy get up from the desk to see what the matter is. When they get to the bathroom door, they find it is locked. Andy beats on the door with his open left hand. Jason looks as if he's about to cry, and hears Andy.) Andy Bellefleur: What the hell you doing in there, Stackhouse? Jason: I...I'll be out in a minute! (Jason looks around.) Jason: What the <snip> was that? (Bud and Andy try to unlock the bathroom door, marked with a blue circular sign with pictographs for "man" and "woman" in white directly above the word "RESTROOM" in white letters. Jason uses the sink to raise himself slightly off the floor. Jason tries to get some paper towels from the dispenser next to the sink, but it seems to be empty.) Jason: <snip>, you gotta be <snip> me! (Jason turns to his right and unrolls a length of toilet paper, tears it up, and seems to stuff it in his jeans. Tara has arrived at a building marked "Bon Temps Town Hall" on its exterior, parking her car in front of it. She exits the car, slams the car door, and quickly walks to the glass front door, surrounded by glass on either side and at the top. In the lobby, above the entry doors, see the numbers 4440 are seen in reverse. Tara is opening the front door as Bud and Andy are still trying to open the bathroom door.) Jason (from inside the men's room): I said, hold on. I'll be there. (Tara enters the lobby and approaches Bud and Andy.) Tara: Sheriff Dearborne. Andy. (Bud and Andy turn toward Tara.) Tara: I hear you guys brought Jason in. (The words "City of Bon Temps" is seen in reverse on the glass entry door as it closes behind Tara.) Andy Bellefleur: So? Tara: You chargin' him with anything? Sheriff Bud Dearborne: Not yet. Andy Bellefleur: Just askin' him some questions. Tara: I assume he's been properly Mirandized, then. (Bud and Andy exercise their right to remain silent.) Tara: Please tell me you informed him he has a right to have an attorney present. Andy Bellefleur: Maybe. Doesn't matter though, 'cause he's got you here now. (Andy snorts) Tara: Is that funny 'cause I'm a woman or 'cause I'm a black woman? Andy Bellefleur: I thought it was funny, you know, just 'cause you can talk like a lawyer, but you ain't one. Sheriff Bud Dearborne: How do you know all this anyway? You been takin' night classes? Tara: School is just for white people looking for other white people to read to 'em. I figure I save my money and read to myself. (Jason opens the bathroom door, somewhat sweaty, nods slightly at Bud and Andy, and looks at Tara.) Jason: Tara... Tara: I'm gettin' you out of here. Andy Bellefleur: Like hell you are. Tara: You chargin' him with anything? (Jason walks between Bud and Andy toward Tara.) Sheriff Bud Dearborne (to Andy): She's right. We can't hold him. Andy Bellefleur: He can't say where he was last night. The least he coulda done was make some <snip> up. Jason: Listen, I told you where I was. I was... home alone. Sleepin'. Andy Bellefleur: You never sleep alone, Stackhouse, and you know it! Tara: Guys, he was wit' me. Sheriff Bud Dearborne (off-camera): What's this, now? Andy Bellefleur: If y'all were together last night, how come he don't seem to know it? Tara: Because I asked him not to tell anybody about us. And he's just surprised to hear me bein' the one blabbin' about it. Aren't you, baby? Jason: Umm... (Jason looks at Andy.) Jason: ...yeah. Andy Bellefleur: Wha...? (Andy snickers.) Andy Bellefleur (to Bud): You buyin' this? (Tara looks directly at Bud and Andy as Jason looks at the floor.) Tara: People think just because we got vampires out in the open now, race isn't the issue no more. But you ever see the way folks look at mixed couples in this town? Race may not be the hot-button issue it once was, but it's still a button you can push on people. Sheriff Bud Dearborne: Would you be willin' to go on record with this? Tara: Yes. Sheriff Bud Dearborne: Understandin' you're lyin', you'd be guilty... Tara: Perjury. (nods) I know. You got a Bible? I'll swear on it right here. Jason and I were together last night and it was a beautiful thing. (Tara looks lovingly at Jason and moves closer to him. Jason looks at Tara, smiles, and nods. Bud and Andy look at one another in disbelief.) Sheriff Bud Dearborne: OK. You're free to go. Andy Bellefleur: Ohh...Jesus! Tara (to Jason): Come on, baby. Let's take you home. Jason: OK, baby. (Jason nods at Bud and Andy, shoves open the door and leaves the Town Hall with Tara, flashing a "peace" sign as he walks away.) Scene 8: The kitchen of Gran's and Sookie's house. Gran is walking to the kitchen sink when Sookie walks in from the dining room. Sookie: Hey, Gran. (Gran looks up from the sink at Sookie.) Gran: I heard. Sookie: About Jason too? Gran: Um, hmm. He didn't do it, you know. Sookie: I know. Gran: Jason may be many things, but he's not a murderer. Sookie: I know... (Sookie takes a step toward Gran.) Gran: The thing is though, Sookie...in all the years that I've lived in Bon Temps, I can't recall but...two, maybe three murders, and now there are two in one week. People are not gonna stand for it. And if the police can't find the person who did it, they're gonna find Jason. He needs your help. Sookie: Gran, how am I supposed to... Gran: You use the gift God gave you. Listen in on people, keep your ears open. You're bound to hear somethin'. Sookie: It's got nothing to do with my ears. Gran: Whatever it is you use to listen, use it. He is your brother, Sookie. (Sookie nods.) Sookie: OK. Gran: Good girl! (Gran hugs Sookie. Sookie smiles and nods, then leaves.) Scene 9: Evening. The parking lot of Merlotte's looks full. Inside, Sookie is taking an order from the kitchen to a table. Lafayette (off-camera): Come and pick up your <snip> orders out the window... (Sookie looks around, hearing thoughts. She sees a man with a mustache sitting at a booth with a blond woman.) Man With Mustache (thinking): Who killed Dawn? I wonder if he had s*x with her or not. Seems like a waste if he didn't. She sure was pretty. Never even looked at me. Older blond woman in blue shirt (thinking; off-camera): Can't get that letter in Cosmo out of my head. (Sookie sees an older blond woman in a blue shirt at a different table.) Older blond woman in blue shirt (thinking): How much better could an orgasm with a vampire be? I wonder, is it that much better? (Sookie notices a good ol' boy sitting elsewhere in the restaurant.) Good ol' boy (thinking): What the hell is this world coming to? Dead <snip> s, <snip> s, and regular folk all livin' together. If God wanted it like this, he'd have made us look the same. It ain't good. Maybe these really are the end times. Large woman (thinking; off-camera): I don't know what everybody's so upset about... (Sookie notices a large woman with curly hair sitting at a booth, licking her fingers.) Large woman with curly hair (thinking): If you ask me, these whores had it comin', hangin' out in vampire bars. That ain't natural, and it ain't safe. (Sookie takes the order to her customer, an older large woman with short, straight hair, resting her head on her left hand.) Sookie's Customer (thinking): You seem sad that girl is dead. I wonder if y'all were friends. And if you were, that means you're probably next. <snip> fang-bangers... (Sookie places the plates of food on the table. The customer smiles slightly at Sookie.) Sookie's Customer: Thank you. Sookie's Customer (thinking) ... crazy, every last one of you. Just like those women who write love letters to serial killers... (Sookie leaves her customer's booth when her customer looks at her order.) Sookie's Customer: Hey...hey! I asked for ranch dressing with these fries. (Sookie and Arlene approach the bar simultaneously. Arlene places her tray on the bar, and the bartender places a draft beer in a mug on it.) Arlene (to the bartender): Two margaritas. Arlene (to Sookie): That Dawn sure left us high and dry, didn't she? (Arlene adjusts her apron.) Sookie: It's not like she meant not to be here. Arlene: I know, but if she didn't spend her nights off at that vamp bar in Shreveport, she still would be. Sookie: Did I just hear you right, Arlene? You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Arlene: Oh, please. Ain't there even a part of you think she had it comin'? Sookie: No! Not a single part. And I'm takin' your ranch. (Sookie takes a small bowl of ranch dressing off Arlene's tray and walks away as the bartender places two margaritas on the tray.) Arlene: Hey! (Tara walks into Merlotte's. As the camera follows her, Sam is revealed to be tending bar.) Sam: You're late. Tara: Sorry, boss. (Tara ties an apron around her waist.) Sam: Hey, listen. We should probably talk. About last night. Tara: What about last night? Sam: You're gonna make this hard on me, aren't you? Tara: Actually, no, I'm gonna make it very, very easy. Nothing happened between us last night. And if anybody asks, you didn't see me at all, OK? I'm tellin' people I spent the night with Jason. Sam: Jason Stackhouse? Tara: Yes. I was with Jason Stackhouse last night, and if you say different, they're gonna haul both our asses into jail. Sam: You lied to the police for him? <snip>, Tara. I know you carry a torch for the guy, but... I don't get it, I really don't. Tara: There's more to Jason than meets than eye. Deep down he is a very good person. (Tara walks away from Sam.) Scene 10: Jason's house. He is sitting down, shirtless, a hand towel draped over his shoulders, drinking beer from a bottle and pleasuring himself while watching p0rn on TV. After he finishes the task at hand, he looks downward, seemingly upset. Jason: <snip>! Go <snip> down. (Frustrated, Jason begins pleasuring himself again. He seems to be somewhat impatient.) Jason: Oh, come on. (The video ends, the TV screen goes blue, then displays a news show on TBBN. Part of the caption reads "Violence in the Middle East".) News Announcer (off-screen): In Iraq today, 10 U.S. Marines were killed when a... (Jason is reclining on his bed, with a painful expression on his face. He looks at his right hand. There is a large blister between his thumb and index finger.) Jason (whispering): Ahh...<snip>! (Jason looks down toward his crotch, and begins to cry.) Jason (whispering): Oh, baby. My sweet, sweet baby! Scene 11: Merlotte's. Sookie walks past some men playing pool. She has two mugs of beer on her tray. She sets one down on a shelf on a wall near the pool table, and as she walks away, she hears thoughts from a large older man sitting at a booth with a large older blond woman. Large Older Man (thinking): Sure is too bad about Dawn. I already miss the way her butt used to hang out of the bottom of her shorts. Large Older Blond Woman (thinking; looking at Sookie): Sookie Stackhouse, I hope that brother of yours gets what he deserves and he fries for what he's done. They were trash. (Sookie looks around, and sees Hoyt.) Hoyt (thinking): Crying shame is what it is. This place ain't gonna be the same without Dawn. She had the prettiest, nicest smile. Why was I so scared to talk to her? I'll never know what her voice sounded like. I bet it sounded like angels and parakeets mixed together. (Sookie turns to Hoyt and approaches him.) Sookie: Hoyt Fortenberry. (Hoyt turns around, looks nervously at Sookie.) Sookie: I just wanted to say thank you. Hoyt: For...uhh...for what? (Sookie gets up on her tiptoes and kisses Hoyt on his left cheek. He beams, and laughs.) Hoyt: OK. Umm...all right then. (Sookie leaves Hoyt and walks over to Jason.) Sookie: Jason, you look me in the eye and you tell me the truth: did you kill Dawn? Jason: What? No. Jesus, Sook. Look, when Maudette died, I thought I might'a done it. And it turned out I didn't. With Dawn, I don't even think I might'a done it, so I know I didn't. Sookie: You swear? Jason: But the way you're actin', it seems like you want it to be me. Sookie: Sorry. Gr..Gran asked me to listen in on folks, see if I can't clear your name. And sometimes it's hard... Jason: Yih-yih-yih...I gotta stop you, because it sounds like you're revvin' up for a long one. And I really need to see Lafayette. Talk to you later. (Jason leaves Sookie and goes to the kitchen of Merlotte's, where Lafayette is chopping green, yellow, and red peppers. Jason opens the door to the kitchen.) Jason: What the <snip>, Lafayette? (Lafayette, wearing a tight green t-shirt, a white apron, and a magenta babushka, doesn't look at Jason.) Lafayette: I'm busy. What's your problem? Jason: My problem is my <snip>! (Lafayette looks over at Jason.) Jason: It's been hard since three o'clock! Now, somethin' went wrong with that vamp... (Lafayette stops chopping.) Lafayette: Will you shut the <snip> up? Jason: Sorry. (Lafayette looks around to see if anyone heard, then looks over at Jason.) Lafayette: It's your loud ass. And ain't nothing wrong with the <snip> I sold you. Jason: What the hell is it? Lafayette: How much you take? Jason: The whole thing. (Lafayette looks down, and laughs.) Lafayette: You took the whole thing? You a dizzy <snip>. I said one drop, two max, and you took the whole thing? Jason: I was in the back seat of a cop car, I had it on me, and I panicked, OK? Now, just give me somethin' to make it go away, I don't care what it costs. Lafayette: Ain't no antidote to V, boyfriend. (Lafayette chuckles.) Jason: When my grandpa was alive, he had gout. And he said just the weight of a sheet on his big toe was too much to bear. So help me God, that's exactly what this feels like. Lafayette: Maybe you should try rubbin' one out. Jason: Were you listenin' to me? (yelling) I got gout of the <snip>! Scene 12: Bill enters Merlotte's and acknowledges Tara behind the bar, who takes a step back. Bill walks to find a place to sit. Unknown Female Voice: Vampires. (The men who were playing pool stare at Bill. Bill finds an empty booth and sits down. Arlene looks around and sees Sookie waiting on other customers.) Sookie: Any fries for you? (Arlene walks to Bill's booth. Tara has her arms folded, and has a mean look on her face as she looks at Bill. Arlene proceeds to take Bill's order.) Arlene: What you want? Bill: May I have a bottle of O Negative, please? (Sookie looks around to see Arlene waiting on Bill.) Arlene: Um, A Negative's all we got. Bill: A Negative then. (Arlene writes down Bill's order, as Bill attempts some small talk with her.) Bill: Pretty crowded in here tonight. Something going on? (Arlene walks away without answering Bill. Bill looks around and sees Sookie, who's looking at him. Arlene turns in her order to Tara.) Tara: Sam just bought a case. We got O Neg and A Neg, plenty o' each. Arlene (making a face): <snip> him. I'm giving him A. And don't microwave it neither. He can have it cold. Tara: You are so bad. (Tara gets a bottle of Tru:Blood from the cooler, and places it on Arlene's tray. Sookie approaches Arlene and confronts her.) Sookie: Are we out of O? Arlene: Blood is blood. What difference does it make? Sookie: He prefers O. I'll take it to him if you like. Arlene: Well, good. He gives me the creeps. (Arlene walks away, and Sookie takes the Tru:Blood and a cocktail napkin to Bill. After placing the napkin and bottle on the table, Sookie grabs Bill's right arm.) Sookie: Come on. Bill: Where are we going? (Bill stands up, taking his Tru:Blood with him, and goes to the customer parking lot with Sookie as Sam watches.) Sookie. You know my friend who works here? Dawn? Someone killed her last night. Bill: How? Sookie: Say you're sorry. Bill: Excuse me? Sookie: You wanna learn to fit in with people? You gotta say you're sorry. You don't even have to mean it. Lord knows they don't most of the time. Bill: I am sorry. Sookie: Thank you. Anyway, I'm the one who found her. Strangled. Cops think it was my brother. Bill: Was it? Sookie: No, he's not capable of it. Bill: I've been around long enough to know just about anyone is capable of just about anything. Sookie: He didn't do it. (Bill nods.) Sookie: So I've been listening in on people's thoughts, hopin' I might hear something to clear him. And apparently there's this vampire bar where Maudette and Dawn used to hang out at in Shreveport. You know it? Bill: Fangtasia. Sookie: Fang-tay-sha? Bill: You have to remember that most vampires are very old. Puns used to be the highest form of humor. Sookie: Well, I was thinkin' if I went there, I could do some sniffin' around. You think maybe you could take me? Bill: How about tonight? Sookie: The sooner the better. I just gotta tell Sam I'm leavin', then run home and change. Bill: Meet you there. Sookie (smiling): Thank you. Bill, I'm askin' you this as a friend, OK? This is not a date. Bill: Fine. Sookie (grinning): It's not a date. I'm serious. Bill: As am I. (Bill watches Sookie as she returns to Merlotte's.) [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 13: Sookie opens a door marked "PRIVATE". It is Sam's office. Sam is sitting in front of his computer, his back to Sookie. Sookie: Hey, Sam? (Sam turns around to look at Sookie.) Sookie: Is it all right if I take the rest of the night off? Sam: Why? Sookie: I need to go to that vampire bar in Shreveport so I can snoop around and see if I can clear my brother's name, and Mr. Compton was kind enough to agree to take me. Sam: Mr. Compton. Oh, Jesus. Sookie, you gonna get yourself killed, you know that? Sookie: I'll be fine. Sam: Hey, the fact that you think you'll be fine only proves just how not fine you're gonna be. Vampires think about one thing, and one thing only: drinking your blood. Sookie: Oh, like humans aren't bloodthirsty? All those people out there want to see my brother hang for a crime he didn't commit. Is that what you want? Sam: No. I'm not saying don't help your brother... Sookie: And frankly, Sam, I'm surprised at you. I thought you were for the Vampire Rights Amendment. Sam: Well, I think they should have their own bars. I just don't think people ought to go there. Sookie: So you wanna return to the days of "separate but equal"? Sam: I don't give a <snip> about equal. We can give 'em more than we got. Just so long as everything's separate. Sookie: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but...I'm goin'. Sam: I can't stop you. Sookie: No. You can't. (Sookie turns and leaves Sam's office, not closing the door. Sam rocks back in his chair and strokes his chin.) Scene 14: A car is driving on a road. Inside, Sookie is seated on the passenger side while Bill drives. Sookie is wearing a red and white dress with shoulder straps, and her hair is not in a ponytail. Music plays on the car stereo. Sookie looks at Bill. Sookie: Penny for your thoughts. Bill: I thought you liked not knowing my thoughts. Sookie: Most of the time I do. Bill: You won't care for it. Sookie: That doesn't mean I don't wanna know. Bill (looking at Sookie): You look like vampire bait. Sookie (laughing): What's that supposed to mean? Bill: I promised your grandmother no harm would come to you at Fangtasia tonight. I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to keep that promise with you dressed like this. Sookie: So are you saying you think I look nice? Bill: Doesn't matter what I think. This isn't a date, remember? Scene 15: The kitchen at Merlotte's. Tara is carrying a crate of tomatoes to the walk-in. She opens the door of the walk-in, and passes through thick, translucent plastic sheeting, the same type a woman asked Tara about at Super Save-A-Bunch in S1E1. Tara: This ain't a part of my job description, <snip> damn it. Jason: Don't turn around! (Tara turns around.) Tara: What? (Jason is sitting on the floor of the walk-in, with his jeans around his ankles and a raw steak on his crotch.) Jason: I said don't look at me. Tara: What the hell are you doin'? Jason: I think I might'a OD'd. Tara: Oh, my God. On what? (Tara moves toward Jason and places the crate of tomatoes on the floor.) Jason: V. Tara (irritated): You're doin' V now? Jason: It was my first time. Tara: Where on earth did you come across V in this town? Jason: Lafayette. Tara: My cousin is dealin' vampire blood now? <snip> damn idiot. Well, at least that explains why I walked in on you dancin' around in that Laura Bush mask yesterday, 'cause I gotta tell you, without a reason, that was some <snip> up <snip>. (Jason laughs nervously.) Tara: All right, let me see it. Jason (looking up at Tara): Huh? Tara: How long have you had the erection? Jason: Well, how do you know? Tara: Um, I read. You're not the first vain-ass, body-conscious ex-jock to overdo the V and wind up with an acute case of priapism. Jason: Pie what? Tara: Priapism. Now lift the rib-eye and let me see what we're dealin' wit'. (Jason removes the steak from his crotch.) Tara: Oh, Jason, that's... Jason: Yeah, it's bad, ain't it? Tara: Sweetie, we gotta get you to a hospital now. Jason: No. No. No hospitals. No way. Tara: Do you want to keep your <snip> or not? Scene 16: The door at Fangtasia. There's a bouncer in a black t-shirt with his arms crossed. Bill, Sookie, and others approach the door. Sookie and Bill are holding hands, and walk into the club, its red walls dimly lit. A disco version of "Don't Fear the Reaper" plays. Pam: Bill. Haven't seen you in a while. (Pam's hair is pulled back. She's wearing a black bustier and a necklace. She does not smile.) Bill: I'm mainstreamin'. Pam: Good for you. Who's the doll? Bill: Pam, this is Sookie. Sookie, this is Pam. Sookie (smiling): Pleased to meet you. (Sookie extends her hand to Pam, who looks disdainfully at it. Sookie makes a puzzled look with her face, then looks at Bill.) Pam (to Sookie): Can I see your ID? Sookie(smiling): Oh. Sure. How funny. Who'd have thought? Getting' carded at a vampire bar. Pam: I can no longer tell human ages. We must be careful we serve no minors...in any capacity. Twenty-five, huh? How sweet it is. (Bill and Sookie leave Pam.) Sookie: This feels a little bit like what a vampire bar would look like if it were a...a ride at Disney World. Bill: Well, don't get too comfortable. It tends to get more authentic as the night wears on. (Bill and Sookie approach the bar.) Bill: Can I get you somethin' to drink? Sookie: Uh, please. (Longshadow, a tattooed vampire with long, black hair, shirtless but wearing a black leather vest and a necklace, is tending bar. He does not smile as he greets Bill.) Longshadow: How's it goin', Bill? Bill: Very well. Longshadow: I'll say it is. (Looking at Sookie) This your meal for tonight? Bill: This is my friend Sookie. Sookie, Longshadow. Sookie: Nice to meet you. (Longshadow stares at Sookie.) Sookie: I'll have a gin and tonic, please. Bill: And I'll have a bottle of O Negative. (Bill notices a young male vampire dressed in a black leather vest and shorts, looking at Bill and dancing seductively. Bill seems uneasy.) Bill: Longshadow, Sookie here would like to know if she could ask you a few questions. Would this be acceptable? (Sookie takes a couple of photographs from her purse and hands them to Longshadow.) Sookie: I just have a couple of pictures I'd love you to take a look at. You recognize either of these women? Longshadow: Yeah, I seen 'em both here before. Sookie: Great, thank you. And do you also happen to remember who they hung around with? Longshadow: That's something we don't notice here. You won't either. Sookie: OK, then. Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time. Longshadow (holding up a vertically oriented picture, presumably of Maudette): This one. She wanted to die. Sookie: How do you know? Longshadow: Everyone who comes here does, in their own way. That's who we are: Death. (Longshadow hands the pictures back to Sookie, and Bill takes the O Negative and the gin and tonic, and he and Sookie leave to find a table. The young male vampire dancer has caught the eye of several other young males. Bill and Sookie sit down at an unoccupied cocktail table near a red and white "Red Wolf" neon sign. Sookie looks around, and hears a stray thought.) Bald man with mustache (thinking): Oh, my God. He's so powerful. So beautiful. The closer I step, the more beautiful he gets. (A blond male with pale skin is dressed in black and seated in a large chair on a small stage. His face is visible, but his eyes are hidden in shadow.) Bald man with mustache (walking and looking at the blond male; thinking): You can do this. Just walk up there and offer yourself to him... Bill: How's your drink? Sookie: A gin and tonic's pretty much a gin and tonic no matter where you drink it. Bill: I know exactly what you mean. (Sookie looks at the blond male.) Sookie: Who's that? Bill: Oh, you noticed him, did you? Sookie: No, it's not like that. I just.. Bill: Everyone does. That's Eric. He's the oldest thing in this bar. (Eric is still seated in the large chair on the stage, not looking at the bald man with a mustache who is kneeling in front of him. When the bald man touches Eric's knee, Eric kicks him away. The bald man flies halfway across the club, and lands on the floor, bleeding from a cut above his right temple. As the bald man tries to get up, he is approached by a young-looking female vampire with her short hair in a bob, and dressed in a black leather dress and long black leather gloves) Taryn: Hi. (The bald man looks up at her in fear.) Taryn: I'm Taryn. (Taryn helps up the bald man and leads him away.) Bill (to Sookie): Still think you're in Disney World? Scene 17: The hospital. A doctor is examining Jason's eyes with a flashlight. The doctor wears round, wire-framed glasses. Tara is in the examination room with them. Doctor: You say that this has never happened to you before? Jason: No, sir. Doctor: Well, no sign of hypertension. Huhn. (The doctor turns off the flashlight.) Doctor: I'm gonna ask a question, son. And I'm gonna need you to be honest with me. (The doctor is sitting at a small desk with cabinets. His glasses are now in his left hand.) Doctor: Have you taken any drugs today? (Jason is shown sitting on the examination table, wearing a brown t-shirt with "Big Jim's Tavern" on the chest. Despite being covered with a blue sheet from the waist down, Jason's predicament is obvious.) Jason: No. No, that's a negative. Doctor: So no marijuana, then? (Jason shakes his head "no"). Doctor: How about cocaine? (Jason shakes his head "no"). Doctor: Meth? Jason: No. Doctor: Vampire blood? Jason: What? Hell, that's sick. I mean, to even suggest that is... Doctor: Yeah, yeah, you'd never do anything like that. All right. (The doctor puts his glasses on.) Doctor: Let's have a look. (The doctor lifts up the blue sheet and gasps.) Doctor: Oh, boy. Sure glad I'm not you. That looks kind of like an eggplant, what with that color and the way it's all swole up at the end... (Jason pulls the blue sheet down to cover himself.) Jason: Can you fix it? Doctor: Ordinarily we like to treat this in stages. First and least radical being an injection of anti-inflammatory drugs into the pen1s. Jason: A needle in my <snip>? That's the least radical thing you can do? Doctor: It is, yes. But you've progressed to the point where I don't think you'd benefit from that treatment at all. In my opinion, we need to aspirate. (Jason looks at the doctor with a puzzled look on his face.) Doctor: I need to drain the blood out of your pen1s. (Jason looks scared. A baby is crying in the background. The doctor takes the cap off the needle of a syringe) Tara: OK, I'll leave you to it. (Tara picks up her purse, and Jason grabs her left arm, still keeping his eyes on the syringe in the doctor's hand.) Jason: Where are you goin'? Tara: Look, I will admit to sometimes having a sick curiosity about medical <snip>, but I ain't that <snip> curious. Jason (looking at Tara): Tara, stay with me? Tara: I ain't never gonna be the same after this. Jason: Uh, you're not? Doctor: Are you ready, son? (The doctor, seated on a stool with casters, rolls over to Jason.) Jason: Whoa, whoa...ain't you gonna put me out or somethin'? Doctor: Oh, I don't think we can afford the time it would take to sedate you. Besides, without knowing what other substances you've taken, I don't wanna risk a drug interaction. Now, just lean on back there for me. (Jason leans back, looking at Tara.) Doctor: There you go. Jason: Tara...? Tara: It's... it's gonna be OK. You gotta breathe, though. (Jason grabs Tara's left hand and breathes heavily.) Doctor: All right, then. You're gonna feel a stick in three, two... (Jason screams.) Scene 18: Merlotte's at closing time. Sam is behind the bar. Arlene: Sam? I hate to ask, but would you mind walkin' me to my car tonight? Sam: No problem. Arlene...don't hate to ask. Not with what's been goin' on. Arlene: Well, I ain't never been with no vampire. But still...y'know, you can't be too...safe, you know? Sam: Um, hmm. Get the lights for me, would you? Arlene: OK. (The lights are turned off. Sam puts something in his right front jeans pocket and turns off a small electronic device with a blue display screen. The camera focuses a picture of Dawn with Sam on the wall behind some glasses.) Arlene (off-screen): I'm used to livin' in a small town and knowin' everybody in it. You knew you were safe. It's a new day now. Sam (off-screen): Don't I know it. Scene 19: Fangtasia. The club is in full swing. Dance music plays in the background. Unknown male #1 (thinking): How come no one <snip> me? I got a dog collar too. Unknown male #2 (thinking): Hey, Morticia. How'd you like me to rip that tape off your <snip>? Unknown male #3 (thinking): It ain't gay if a guy's a vampire, is he? Unknown clean-cut youthful male (thinking): I'm gonna get in a fight if I don't <snip> a vampire tonight. (Bill and Sookie are still sitting at the cocktail table.) Bill: You able to pick up anything? Sookie: All anyone's thinkin' about here is s*x, s*x, s*x. Bill (smiling): One needn't be telepathic to pick up on that. (Eric is still seated in his large chair on the stage. Pam whispers in his ear. Eric looks in the direction of Bill and Sookie.) Bill: Uh, oh. Sookie: Don't say "uh-oh." Vampires are not supposed to say "uh-oh." (Eric and Pam are looking directly at Bill.) Bill: It's Eric. He's scanned you twice. He's goin' to summon us. Sookie: He can do that? Bill: Yeah. (Eric raises his right hand and motions to Bill. Bill takes Sookie's hand. They leave their table and join Eric, still seated, and Pam, standing next to him.) Eric: Bill Compton. It has been a while. Bill: Yes, well...I've been... Eric: Mainstreaming. I heard. I see that is... (Eric looks at Sookie.) Eric: ...going well for you. Bill: Yes, of course. Uh, sorry. Eric, this is my friend... Eric: Sookie Stackhouse. Sookie: How do you know my name? Pam: I never forget a pretty face. (Pointing to her forehead) You're in my vault. Sookie (to Pam): Great. That's just great. Sookie (to Eric): It's nice to meet you. Eric (apparently unmoved): Well, aren't you sweet. Sookie: Not really. (Eric turns to Pam, and mutters something to her in an unknown language.) Pam (also in an unknown language): Yah vee-INN. Eric: Miss Stackhouse, I understand you've been asking questions about some of my customers. Sookie: Yes, I have. Eric: If you have anything to ask, you should ask it of me. Sookie: All rightie. (Sookie hands the photos of Maudette and Dawn to Eric.) Sookie: You recognize either one of these girls? (Eric looks at the pictures. Pam looks at them over his shoulder.) Eric: Hmm...(pointing to the vertically-oriented picture of Maudette) well, this one offered herself to me. But I found her too pathetic for my attentions. Now, this one, however...(pointing to the other photograph, presumably of Dawn) I have tasted. (Sookie looks nervous.) Pam: I remember 'em both. Sookie: On account of the vault? (Bill tightly grasps Sookie's right hand with his left hand. Eric looks hard at Sookie.) Pam: Never had either of them, though. They weren't really my type. Sookie: Well...(grabbing the photos from Eric's hand) thank you very much. That is all your time I need to take. Eric: I'm not finished with you yet! (Eric smiles.) Eric: Please. Sit. (Sookie sits to the right of Eric and Pam. Bill remains standing in front of Eric.) Eric (looking at Sookie): So, Bill. Are you quite attached to your friend? Bill: She is mine! Sookie: Yes. I am his. Eric: What a pity. For me. (Eric scopes out Sookie.) Eric (to Bill): Sit with us. We have catching up to do, you and I. It has been too long. Bill (hesitantly): Yes. (Bill sits at Eric's left. Eric continues to look at Sookie with some interest. Sookie begins hearing the thoughts of an undercover cop wearing a shirt with mesh sleeves and a trucker's cap with "--something--RIDGE LOUNGE" on the front of it. He's with a young-looking woman.) Undercover cop (thinking): Where the <snip> are they? My backup was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago. I can't handle a raid on my own. These <snip> vampires... Sookie: We have to get out of here. Bill: Sookie... Sookie: Eric, the cops are coming. There's gonna be a raid... (Eric and Pam look at Sookie.) Eric: You're not an undercover cop, are... Sookie: I'm not, but that man in the hat is. Eric: Even if you're right, we do nothing illegal here. (Sookie catches the image of the bald man with a mustache and Taryn in a bathroom stall. Taryn is cradling his head, and licking the blood from the cut on his head. She raises up her head with her mouth open, lips and chin covered with his blood, her fangs exposed.) Bald man with a mustache (thinking): Go ahead and do it. Open me up. I don't care. Make me feel something. (Taryn bites the bald man.) Sookie: There's a vampire named Taryn in the ladies' room with that man you kicked before. She's feeding on him. Pam: How do you know this? (Eric and Bill look at Sookie.) Unnamed Police Officer #2 (off-camera): Freeze! (Eric, Pam, the Undercover Cop and the young-looking woman he's with turn their heads in the direction of the voice.) Unnamed Police Officer #2: Police! Freeze! Don't move! (The crowd moves anyway as police officers, dressed in combat gear, enter the club.) Eric: Follow me. (Pam, Bill and Sookie follow Eric as the police conduct their raid. Eric shoves open a door at the back of the club leading outside, and all quickly exit the building. Bill picks up Sookie in his arms. Eric and Pam move away, as if they're hovering instead of walking. And as they do, Eric turns his head to Sookie.) Eric: I enjoyed meeting you, Miss Stackhouse. You will come again. (Eric and Pam seem to move away very quickly. Bill runs with Sookie in his arms.) Scene 20: Jason is sleeping in the front passenger seat as Tara drives, remembering a time when she was a little girl, running down a dirt road. Lettie Mae (off-camera): Tara? (A younger Lettie Mae stumbles as she chases her daughter to the Stackhouse home.) Lettie Mae: Tara? (Young Tara runs up to the porch, opens the screen door and knocks on the front door.) Young Tara: Sookie! (Lettie Mae stops a short distance away from the house, and seems to have difficulty standing.) Lettie Mae: Get your ugly self down here! (Young Tara pounds the door furiously. A little boy opens the door. It is Jason.) Young Jason: Hey, Tara. Sookie ain't home. Young Tara: No, just please let me in, OK? (Lettie Mae chases Young Tara, who runs into the house.) Lettie Mae: I'm gonna crack you in a way you'll never forget! Young Tara: Don't let her in! (Young Jason remains at the door.) Young Jason (to Lettie Mae): Is there a problem here? (Lettie Mae runs to the door.) Lettie Mae: You bet your tiny white ass there's a problem. Little bitch hid my Captain Morgan. Young Tara (angry): I didn't hide it, Mama. I threw it out. (Lettie Mae makes a fist.) Young Jason (to Lettie Mae): Look, my Gran's at the market and I ain't supposed to let anyone in while she's gone. Lettie Mae: You let her in. Young Jason: Well, I know her. (Lettie Mae grabs Young Jason by the shirt and raises her fist to him.) Young Tara: Mama, let him go! Young Jason (looking up at Lettie Mae): Maybe I should call Sheriff Dearborne, so he can come out here and throw you in jail where I guarantee ain't no Captain Morgan gonna be waiting for you. (Lettie Mae starts to cry, and lets go of Young Jason. They stare each other down.) Lettie Mae: This ain't over. (Lettie Mae turns to go away, and Young Jason shuts the door. Back in the present time, Tara is still driving, and smiles at the memory of Jason protecting her, and standing up to her mother.) Scene 21: A different car, one driven by Bill. Sixties-style music is playing on the stereo, but it isn't being sung in English. Sookie: Can we turn this down? (Bill turns down the stereo.) Sookie: What language are they speaking, anyhow? Bill: Cambodian. You don't like it? (Sookie turns off the stereo.) Sookie: You think we can pull over for a minute? I need things to stop. Bill: Sure. (Bill pulls the car off the road and turns off the engine.) Sookie: I just need a couple minutes of quiet and then we can go. Bill: Well, I'm in no hurry. You take your time. Sookie: I'm sorry I've got you into any trouble tonight. Bill: Don't apologize. (Bill looks directly at Sookie.) Bill: We vampires are always in some kind of trouble. I prefer to be in it with you. (Bill and Sookie look into each other's eyes, and are about to kiss when a police siren sounds. Sookie and Bill look through the rear window to see red and blue lights flashing.) Sookie: Oh, this can't be happening. (Bill and Sookie turn to face the windshield and remain still. The police car is directly behind Bill's car. A state trooper knocks on Bill's window and shines a flashlight into Bill's car.) State Trooper: Open up. Sookie: Open the window and let me do the talkin', OK? (Bill rolls down the power window of his car.) Sookie: Hello, officer. State Trooper: Evenin', miss. What are you two doin' out this late? Sookie: Drivin' home from a date. State Trooper: Uh, huh. We were raidin' a bar not too far from here. Y'all comin' from there by any chance? Sookie: No. Not us. State Trooper: Uhn-uhn. It's called Fangtasia. That ring any bells? (The policeman looks at Bill. Bill seems irritated.) State Trooper: How about you, son? You seem awful quiet. Don't you talk? Bill: I'm a man of few words. State Trooper: A man of few words. I like that. (To Sookie) Let me shine this light here on your neck, miss, if you don't mind. (Bill looks at Sookie, opens his mouth and exposes his fangs. Sookie pulls her hair away to expose her neck.) Sookie: N-not at all. (Bill is still looking at Sookie.) Bill (to the state trooper): Why don't you ask her if you can shine it between her legs? State Trooper: Excuse me! Sookie: Bill! Bill: Vampires sometimes like to feed from the femoral artery. The blood flows more freely down there so one doesn't have to suck as hard... (Bill turns to face the state trooper, who is still shining his flashlight into Bill's car. The flashlight illuminates the lower half of Bill's face. His fangs are still exposed as he looks directly at the state trooper.) Bill: ...or so I've been told. (The state trooper is motionless and silent.) Bill: I like your gun. It's a beautiful weapon. State Trooper: Thank you. Bill: May I have it? Sookie: Bill, I want you to stop this right now. State Trooper: Sure. I guess. (The state trooper holds his gun out to Bill, who removes it from the state trooper's hand. Bill's eyes remain fixed on the policeman's eyes.) Bill: Nice. It's heavier than I imagined. Is it loaded? State Trooper: Well, yes. Yes, it is. Yeah. Sookie: Bill, you are freaking me out. (Bill points the gun at the state trooper's face.) Bill: Now, you listen to me, officer. I do not take kindly to you shining your light in the eyes of my female companion. And as I have more than 100 years on you, I do not take kindly you to calling me "son." So the next time you pull somebody over on suspicion of bein' a vampire, you better pray to God that you're wrong. Because that vampire may not be as kind to you as I'm about to be. I'm not gonna kill you. But I am gonna keep your gun. Does that sound fair? State Trooper: Yes. Bill: Yes, what? State Trooper: Yes, sir. Bill: There you go. (Bill pulls the gun away from the state trooper's face, still staring the state trooper in the eyes.) Bill: Now, you have a nice night. (Bill looks at Sookie, starts the car's engine, and drives away from the state trooper, who wets himself and sobs as soon as they leave.) Scene 22: Someone wearing latex gloves removes a piece of yellow "POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS" tape from the door of Dawn's apartment, opens the screen door and unlocks the front door, and goes inside. From Dawn's bedroom, we see a light from another area of the apartment. Sam walks into Dawn's bedroom. He smells the air, then her bedsheets, then her pillow. Still wearing the latex gloves, he caresses the pillow and buries his face in it. He curls up with her pillow and smells the bed-sheet again, taking a deep breath as he rolls onto his back while holding the sheet up to his nose and writhes on the bed.

As Sookie screams for help, Jason shows up with a bouquet of flowers. Dawn's neighbor answers Sookie's calls and, upon seeing Dawn's body, accuses Jason of killing her and he storms off. Later, a large crowd of police and onlookers has gathered, including Arlene Fowler, another Merlotte's waitress, her boyfriend Rene Lenier and Hoyt Fortenberry, both of whom work on Jason's roadworks crew. Sam, who owns the block of houses, shows up to comfort Sookie just before Mike Spencer, the county coroner, and his assistant Neil bring Dawn's body out. Andy Bellefleur takes Jason in for questioning again and Jason, remembering that he has a vial of illegal vampire blood on him, swallows the whole thing. Halfway through his questioning, the overdose of "V-juice" gives Jason a severe case of priapism . He is rescued from the cops by Tara and, after she takes him home, Jason tries to rid himself of his erection, but nothing will work. Adele asks Sookie to read the townspeople's thoughts in order to find any evidence that will clear her brother's name. Desperate for relief, Jason goes to Merlotte's to see Lafayette, who cannot help him. After deducing Jason's use of V-juice, Tara insists on taking him to the hospital. In order to help in Sookie's investigation, Bill agrees to take her to a vampire bar in Shreveport named Fangtasia. Sam warns Sookie of the dangers of hanging around in such places, but she ignores them and goes anyway. When they arrive at Fangtasia, Bill and Sookie are admitted by an old vampire acquaintance of Bill's, Pam. Sookie describes the bar as being like an attraction at Disney World. At the hospital, Jason lies to the doctor about taking any drugs and, not wanting to risk a drug reaction, the doctor uses a large syringe to drain the blood out of Jason's penis without anesthesia. On the ride home, Jason sleeps and Tara reminisces about their childhood together, when Jason would protect her from her mother's drunken violence. It seems that Tara is in love with Jason. At Fangtasia, Bill and Sookie are summoned by Eric Northman, a thousand-year-old Viking vampire and owner of the bar. Sookie shows him pictures of Maudette and Dawn and Eric reveals that he slept with Dawn, but rejected Maudette. Sookie senses that a human is being fed on in the bathroom just before a police raid on Fangtasia, and she, Bill, Pam and Eric manage to escape just in time. On their way back to Bon Temps, Bill is pulled over by a police officer and the situation gets out of hand when Bill glamours the officer. Sookie is afraid Bill is going to kill him, but instead he simply drives off after warning the officer to be careful the next time he pulls someone over on suspicion of being a vampire. Sam lets himself into Dawn's old house and rolls around in her sheets, sniffing and writhing.

fd_The_Walking_Dead_03x02

fd_The_Walking_Dead_03x02_0

In the cafeteria The five prisoners are still standing behind the wall. Daryl, with his crossbow pointed in their direction, walks towards them. Daryl: Who the hell are you? One of the men: Who the hell are you? Rick: He's bleeding out, we gotta go back! (to Maggie) Come around here. Put pressure on the knee! Hard! Hard! Push, push! Daryl: (to the prisoners) Come on out of here. Slow and steady. The prisoners come out. Thomas (one of the prisoners) : (about Hershel) What happened to him? Daryl: He got bit. Thomas: Bit? Thomas takes his gun, T-Dog threatens him with his gun. Daryl: Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy now. Nobody needs to get hurt. Rick: (to Maggie) I need you to hold this. As hard as you can. Maggie: ...Yes.. Glenn goes in the room where the prisoners were before. Glenn: You got medical supplies? Big Tiny (another prisoner) : Wow, where do you think you're going? The walkers are still trying to come in the room. Thomas: Who the hell are you people anyway? Axel (another one of the prisoners) : Don't look like no rescue team! Rick tries to carry Hershel, who's still unconscious. Rick: If a rescue team's what you're waiting for, don't! Glenn takes a table to carry Hershel. Rick: Come on, we gotta go! Now! Come on, I need a hand here! (Glenn and Rick put Hershel on the table) One, two, three, go! Axel: Holy Jesus! Rick: T, the door! Oscar (a prisoner) : Are you crazy? Don't open that! T-Dog: We got this. T-Dog opens the door, and kills a walker that comes in. The others get out of the room, carrying Hershel on the table. Rick: Daryl! Daryl! Thomas is still pointing his gun at them, and Daryl his crossbow. T-Dog: Let's go. They go back to their cell block, leaving Hershel's leg behind. OPENING CREDITS Corridor in the prison: Rick, T-Dog, Maggie, Glenn and Daryl try to go back to their cell block, pushing Hershel on a table. Rick: This way! Go, go, go, go! Back, back! Daryl! Daryl kills a walker. Daryl: Come on! Go, go, go! In the cafeteria Thomas leaves the room to follow Rick and his group, and the other prisoners follow him. Corridors in the prison Rick: Stop, stop! They turn around and see Thomas and his group following them. Andrew (one of the prisoners) : Follow the flashlight, come on let's go! Rick: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Daryl opens a door, they're almost at their cell block. Maggie is still putting pressure on Hershel's knee. Maggie: He's losing too much blood! Rick (to the others in their cell block): Open the door! It's Hershel! Carl, come on! Carl opens the door, they come in the cell block. Carol: Oh, my god! Beth: Daddy! Rick: Go, go, go, go! In there! Glenn: Turn it, turn it, turn it! They turn the table around and go in a cell. In one of the cells Rick: Get him on the bed! He got bit. Beth: Oh, my god, he's gonna turn! Lori: Did you cut it off? Rick: Yeah. Lori: Maybe you got it in time. Rick: Ready? Okay. One, two, three! Carol, Lori, Glenn and Rick carry Hershel to the bed. Lori: Oh, God! Carol looks at Hershel's wound. Carol: Oh, I need bandages! Glenn: We used everything we had! Carol: Well, get more! Anything! Lori: Carl, go get the towels from the back, right next to my bed! Beth: Is he gonna die? Lori: No, no, no, he's gonna be okay. Lori holds Beth crying in her arms. Rick: You think you can stabilize him? Carol: I need to keep his leg elevated. Get some pillows! Maggie: He's already bled through the sh1ts! Glenn: We can burn the wound to clot the blood. I can start a fire. Beth: Oh, god, no please don't do this! Carol: No, the shock could kill him. It's not gonna stop the arteries from bleeding. We need to keep it dressed and let it heal on its own. Lori and Carol try to stop the bleeding, and Maggie's in shock. Lori checks Hershel's pulse. Cell block Daryl aims at the door with his crossbow, the five prisoners enter the room. Daryl: It's far enough. Thomas: Cell block C. Cell four, that's mine, gringo. Let me in. Daryl: Today's your lucky day, fellas. You've been pardoned by the state of Georgia, you're free to go. homas: What you got going on in there? Daryl: Ain't none of your concern. Thomas pulls his gun out of his pocket. Thomas: Don't be telling me what's my concern. Big Tiny: Chill, man. Dude's leg is messed up. Besides, we're free now! Why are we still in here? Daryl: Man's got a point. Oscar: Yeah, and I gotta check on my old lady. Thomas: Group of civilians breaking into a prison you've got no business being in, got me thinking there ain't no place for us to go! Daryl: Why don't you go find out? Axel: Maybe we'll just be going now. Thomas: Hey, we ain't leaving! T-Dog arrives with his gun aimed at Thomas. T-Dog: You ain't coming here either! Thomas: Hey, this is my house, my rules, I go where I damn well please! In one of the cells Beth: What was that? Rick: Prisoners, survivors. It's alright, everybody stay put. (to Glenn) Do not leave his side! If he dies, you need to be there for that. Think you can do this? Maggie will be there. Glenn: I got it. Rick: I can bring T in.. Glenn: I got it. Rick: Good. Rick goes talk to the prisoners, Carl closes the door. Cell block Rick's group is fighting with the prisoners. Daryl: There ain't nothing for you here, why don't you go back to your own sandbox? Rick: Hey, hey, hey! Everyone relax, there's no need for this. Thomas: How many of you in there? Rick: Too many for you to handle. Thomas: You guys rob a bank or something? Why don't you take him to a hospital? Rick: How long have you been locked in that cafeteria? Thomas: Going on like ten months. Big Tiny: A riot broke out. Never seen anything like it. Axel: Attica on speed, man. Andrew: Ever heard about dudes going cannibal, dying, coming back to life? Crazy. Thomas: One guard looked out for us, locked us up in the cafeteria, told us to sit tight, threw me this piece, said he'd be right back. Big Tiny: And that was 292 days ago. Axel: 94 according to my... Thomas: Shut up! Big Tiny: We were thinking that the army or the national guard should be showing up any day now. Rick: There is no army. Thomas: What do you mean? Rick: There's no government, no hospitals, no police. It's all gone. Axel: For real? Rick: Serious. Big Tiny: What about my moms? Oscar: My kids, my old lady! Yo, you got a self-phone or something so we can call our families? Daryl: You don't get it, do you? Rick: No phones, no computers. As far as we can see, at least half the population's been wiped out. Probably more. Thomas: Ain't no way. Rick: See for yourself. In the courtyard of the prison They all go out of the prison and in the courtyard, they see all the dead bodies on the floor. Oscar: Damn, the sun feels good. Axel: Good Lord, they're all dead. Thomas: Never thought I'd be so happy to see these fences. Andrew: You never said. How the hell did you get in here in the first place? Daryl: Cut a hole in that fence over there by the guard tower. Andrew: That easy, huh? Daryl: Where there's a will, there's a way. Andrew: Easy for you to say. Big Tiny pokes one of the bodies with a stick. Big Tiny: So what is this like a disease? Rick: Yeah, but we're all infected. Axel: What do you mean, infected? Like AIDS or something? Daryl: If I was to kill you, shoot an arrow in your chest, you come back as one of these things. It's gonna happen to all of us. Thomas: Ain't no way this Robin hood cast's responsible for killing all these freaks. Andrew: Must be fifty bodies out here. Thomas: Where do you come from? Rick: Atlanta. Thomas: Where you headed? Rick: For now, nowhere. Thomas: I guess you could take that area down there near the water. Should be comfortable. Rick: We're using that field for crops. Thomas: We'll help you move your gear out. Rick: That won't be necessary. We took out these walkers, this prison is ours. Thomas: Slow down, cowboy. Andrew: You snatched the locks off our doors. Rick: We'll give you new locks, if that's how you want it. Thomas: This is our prison. We were here first. Rick: Locked in the broom closet? We took it, set you free, it's ours, we spilled blood. Thomas: We're moving back into our cell block. Rick: You'll have to get your own. Thomas: It is mine. I've still got personal artifacts in there, that's about as mine as it gets! Thomas pulls his gun out, Daryl threatens him with his crossbow. Axel: Whoa, whoa, whoa, maybe let's try to make this work out so everybody wins! Thomas: I don't see that happening. Rick: Neither do I. Thomas: I ain't coming back into that cafeteria for one minute. Axel: There are other cell blocks. Daryl: You could leave. Try your luck out on the road. Thomas: If these three pussies can do all this, the least we can do is take out another cell block. Big Tiny: With what? Thomas: Atlanta here will spot us some real weapons. Won't you boss? Rick: How stocked is that cafeteria? Must have plenty of food, five guys lasting almost a year? Daryl: It sure as hell don't look like anybody's been starving. Thomas: There's only a little left. Rick: We'll take half. In exchange, we'll help clear out a cell block. Andrew: Didn't you hear him? There's only a little left! Rick: Bet you've got more food than you've got choices. You pay, we'll play. We'll clear out a block for you, then you keep to it. Thomas: Alright. Rick: Well, let's be clear. If we see you out here, anywhere near our people, if I so much as even catch a whiff of your scent, I will kill you. Thomas: Deal. In one of the cells Lori and Carol are still trying to save Hershel, but the bleeding continues. Lori: It has to stop eventually right? It slowed down quite a bit already. Carol: If we can get him through this... Lori: When we get him through this. Carol: We'll need crutches. Lori: Right now, we could use some antibiotics. Pain killers, some sterile gauze. There's gotta be an infirmary here. Carol: If there's one, we'll find it. You gotta be worried sick about delivering the baby. Lori: Look at me. I look worried? Carol: You look disgusting. They laugh. Lori: So do you. (she looks at Hershel) We'll get through this. [SCENE_BREAK] In the cafeteria Thomas leads Rick and his group to the cafeteria to check out how much food is left. Thomas: Pantry's back here! T-Dog: You never tried to break out of here? Oscar: We tried to take the doors off. But if you make one peep in here, then those freaks will be lined up outside the door growling, trying to get in. Windows got bars on them that he-man couldn't get through. Axel: Bigger than a 5*8. Big Tiny: You won't find me complaining. Doing fifteen. My left leg can barely fit on one of those bunks. Oscar: Yeah, they don't call him Big Tiny for nothing. Thomas: You're done jerking each other off? I'm getting sick of waiting back here. They go where the food is kept, there's still a lot. Daryl: That's what you call a little bit of food? Thomas: Goes fast. Daryl: Mm-hmm. Thomas: You can have a bag of corn, some tuna fish. Rick: We said half. That's the deal. (he shows a door) What's in there? Big Tiny: Don't open that. Rick opens the door, and the smell in the room is so bad he almost vomits. Thomas and his group laugh. Thomas: You wanted to know! Axel: Can't wait for my own pot to piss in. In the cell block C Maggie gets out of the cell where Hershel is, and goes hug Glenn. Maggie: It was stupid of us to let him go. We cleared this whole cell block, just the five of us. Glenn: Could have happened to anyone. Maggie: What are we gonna do without him? Glenn stops hugging Maggie to look at her. Glenn: Hey, stop it. Alright, stop it. He's still here. Maggie: What if he does wake up? Then what? I mean, he can't even walk... All we do is run. Glenn: Hey. This won't break him. He's got you, and Beth. Maggie: Am I the only person living in reality here? Glenn: We've been through so much already. Maggie: You're expecting it too. Glenn: I'm not expecting, alright? I'm just preparing. Why don't you go check on Beth? Go on, I'll watch him. Maggie leaves. In Beth and Hershel's cell block Beth is cutting Hershel's pants. Maggie: What you doing? Beth: He's gonna have a hard time walking around with one side of his pants dragging on the ground. You know, he could trip or something. Maggie: There's a good chance he won't wake up. Beth: Why are you so eager to give up on him? Maggie: I'm not giving up on him. Beth: Sure sounds like it! Maggie: I don't want you to get your hopes too high. We're not equipped to deal with something like this. Beth: We have Carol. Maggie: She's not a doctor. Dad taught her a few things to help with the baby. Beth: She stopped the bleeding. (showing the pants) These will do just fine. Cell Block T-Dog and Rick arrive with some food, Carl opens the door for them. T-Dog: Food's here! Carl: What you got? T-Dog: Canned beef, canned corn, canned cans! There's a lot more where this came from! In one of the cells Rick: (to Lori, about Hershel) Any change? Lori: Bleeding is under control and no fever, but his breath is labored, his pulse is way down and he hasn't opened his eyes yet. Rick: Take my cuffs, put them on him. I'm not taking any chances. Glenn reluctantly takes Rick's cuffs. Cell Block Rick and Lori get out of the cell while T-Dog and Carl carry the food in one of the cells. Lori: So what about the prisoners? Rick: We're gonna help them clear out their own cell block and then they'll be there, and we'll be here. Lori: Living beside each other. Rick: I'm not giving up this prison. Lori: Do they have guns? Rick: Only saw one. I don't know if it's gonna work... Lori: Well, what are your options? Rick: Kill 'em. Lori: If that's what you think is best. Rick: (laughs nervously) You say this now but... Lori: Look, I know that I'm a shitty wife, and I'm not winning any "mother of the year" awards, but I need you to know that not for one second do I think there's malice in your heart. You're not a killer, and I know that. I know that so... so do whatever you gotta do to keep this group safe, and do it with a clear conscience. Rick nods and leaves. Cell Block C Rick's group give the prisoners some weapons to fight walker. Thomas: (showing one of the weapons) Why do I need this, when I've got this (showing a gun) ? Daryl: You don't fire guns. Not unless your back's up against the wall. Noise attracts them, really riles them up. Rick: We'll go in two by two. Daryl will run point with T, I'll bring up the rear with you (showing Andrew). Stay tight, hold formation, no matter how close the walkers get. Anyone breaks ranks, we could all go down, anyone runs off, they could get mistaken for a walker, end up with an axe to the head. Daryl: And that's where you aim. These things only go down with a head shot. Thomas: Ain't gotta tell us how to take out a man. T-Dog: They ain't men. They're something else. Rick: Just remember, go for the brain. In one of the cells Glenn handcuffs Hershel to the bed, when Maggie arrives. Maggie: What's going on? Glenn: We had to. Carol: It's just for precaution. Maggie: You think maybe I could have a minute alone here? Glenn: Yeah, do you want me to... Maggie: No, just... by myself. Carol: Of course. Glenn: I'll be right outside. Carol and Glenn leave, Maggie sits down on Hershel's bed, holds his hand, with tears in her eyes. Maggie: Dad? You don't have to fight anymore. (she starts crying) If you're worried about me and Beth, don't. Don't worry about us. We'll take care of each other, we'll look out, me, Beth and Glenn we'll look out. Go ahead, dad, it's okay. Be peaceful. You don't have to fight! If it's time to go, it's okay. I just want to thank you. For everything, thank you. She kisses him on the cheek, and puts her head on his chest. Corridors in the prison The prisoners and Rick's group are trying to clear out another cell block for the prisoners to live in. They're walking slowly, in order to see if walkers arrive. Big Tiny: Man, it's too damn dark in here! Daryl: Gotta hold it up high out in front of you. You're gonna hear 'em before you see 'em. Axel: It's coming! Daryl: Shhh! Two walkers arrive. Before Daryl, Rick and T-Dog can do anything, the prisoners run towards the walkers, screaming, and start to attack them by aiming somewhere else than in the head. Axel: You wanna taste me? Axel stabs the walker in its stomach. Rick, Daryl and T-Dog look at the prisoners failing to kill the walkers. In one of the cells Glenn holds the watch that Hershel gave him in his hand, while looking at Hershel, unconscious. Everyone is in the cell, waiting for Hershel to open his eyes. Carl arrives with a bag. Glenn: Thought you were organizing the food. Carl: (smiling) Even better! Check it out! Carl drops the bag, Carol and Lori open it, it's full of medical supplies. Lori: Where did you get this? Carl: Found the infirmary. Wasn't much left, but I cleared it out! Carol and Maggie put new bandages on Hershel's leg. Lori: You went by yourself? Carl: Yeah. Lori and Maggie look at him, they are shocked. Lori: Are you crazy? Carl: No big deal, I killed two walkers! Lori: Alright, (showing Hershel) do you see this? This was with the whole group! Carl: We needed supplies, so I got them! Lori: I appreciate that, but... Carl: Then get off my back! Beth: Carl! She's your mother, you can't talk to her like that! Lori: Listen, I think it's great that you want to help but... Carl leaves the cell running. Corridors in the prison Daryl: It's gotta be the brain! (he shoots an arrow into a walker's head) Not the stomach, not the heart, the brain! Another walker arrives. Axel: I hear you, the brain. Oscar stabs the walker in the head, but others arrive. Oscar: Like that? Daryl: Uh-uh. Axel and Rick kill two walkers. Rick: Stay in tight formation, no more prison riot crap! There begins to be a lot of walkers, everyone fights, except Big Tiny, who's afraid, and goes behind the wall to hide. But walkers start coming towards him. Rick stabs one of them, and the other one bites Big Tiny before getting shot by Thomas. Rick sees that Big Tiny was bitten. In one of the cells Carol puts new bandages on Hershel's wound. Carol: These bandages will help prevent infection. Glenn: That's good. It's good that he taught you all these stuff. Carol: He didn't teach me everything. (to Glenn) I need your help with something. Glenn: Now? Carol: Yeah, now. Glenn: What is it? Carol: Not here. Glenn: I can't leave Hershel. Carol: This is important. Glenn: Carol, I can't. Lori: Go on, we got it. Glenn: No way. Beth: We'll be fine. Carol: We're not gonna be gone long. Glenn: Rick said for me... Maggie: We're fine. Glenn: ...Alright. Glenn leaves reluctantly with Carol. Corridors in the prison Rick looks at Big Tiny's shoulder which was bitten. Big Tiny: I'm telling you! I don't feel anything, it's just a scratch! Rick: I'm sorry man... Big Tiny: I can keep fighting! Andrew: You cut that old guy's leg off to save his life! Rick: Look at where the bite is! Big Tiny: Guys, I'm fine! Just... I'm fine. Look, look at me, I'm not changing into one of those things. Oscar: Look, man, there's gotta be something we can do, we could just lock him up! Axel: Quarantine him! Andrew: We gotta do something! Why are you just standing there, we gotta save him! Rick: There's nothing we can do. Andrew: You son of a bitch! Big Tiny: I'm al... Thomas stabs Big Tiny in the head, and continues stabbing him with a hammer. His face is full of blood, and he walks away. In the prison's yard Carol and Glenn are behind the fence, the walkers start coming towards it. Carol shows Glenn a female walker. Carol: That one. Glenn: Everything you're saying is completely sane, you wanting to use a walker for practice is a sane thing, I mean it. Okay? I'm just, trying to wrap my mind around it. Carol: Lori's overdue. She had Carl by C-section, she's probably gonna have to have this one the same way. Hershel had a little bit of experience with this kind of things, but he's not gonna be able to do it anymore. I need experience! And we have plenty of cadavers. Glenn: Uh, well... Like I said it's completely sane. Carol: I need to learn how to cut through the abdomen and uterus without cutting the baby. Glenn: Why not? Glenn is about to kill the walker, but Carol stops him. Carol: I'll do it. She stabs the walker in the head. Glenn then tries to draw the walkers in his direction so Carol can take the body. Glenn: Come on, hey follow me! Come on! That's right, there we go! Come on! Corridors in the prison Daryl: (to Rick, about Thomas) You see the look on his face? Rick: He makes one move... Daryl: Just give me a signal. Entrance of the cell block They arrive in a room which contains a set of two doors, probably leading to the cell block where the prisoners would live. Daryl gives Thomas the keys. Thomas: I ain't opening that. Rick: Yes, you are. If you want this cell block, you're gonna open that door. Just the one, not both of them. Because we need to control this. They hear the walkers behind the door, Thomas picks up the keys. Thomas: You bitches ready? (he tries to open the door, but it won't open) I got this. He opens both doors, walkers come in. Rick: I said one door! Thomas: sh1t happens! Everyone kills the many walkers entering the room. When stabbing a walker, Thomas almost stabs Rick too, on purpose. He then sends a walker on Rick, who falls on the ground. Daryl: T, mind the gap! Daryl stabs the walker and saves Rick's life. They killed all the walkers. Thomas: (to Rick, about the walker) He was coming at me, bro! Rick: Yeah... Yeah, I get it. I get it. sh1t happens. Ricks stabs Thomas in the head. Thomas falls down on the floor, dead. Andrew: No! Andrew tries to attack Rick with a baseball bat, but Rick kicks him, and Daryl threatens him with his crossbow. Daryl: Easy now. Andrew runs away, Rick follows him, while Daryl and T-Dog stay in the room with Axel and Oscar. Rick: I got him! Daryl: (to Oscar) Hey, get down on your knees! Oscar knees down. Axel: We don't have no affiliation to what just happened! Tell him, Oscar! Oscar: Stop talking man. Corridors in the prison Rick runs after Andrew in the prison. Andrew opens a door, and winds up outside, in a courtyard full of walkers. Rick doesn't enter, and closes the door behind Andrew, leaving him in the middle of walkers. Andrew: Let me back in, man! Let me back in! Open up, man, open up! Rick: You better run. Andrew starts running to escape the walkers, Rick leaves and hears Andrew scream behind the door, then there's silence. In one of the cells Maggie is watching over her father, who suddenly stops breathing. She's too much in shock to do anything. Beth: What's happening? Beth tries to reanimate Hershel, but he doesn't breathe. Beth: (to Maggie) Do something! Somebody help! Somebody! Please, help! Lori arrives running, she doesn't hear a heartbeat. She tries to reanimate him, while Beth and Maggie are crying. Lori: Come on! Come on! Hershel suddenly grabs her, but Maggie pulls her out. Hershel's awake, he falls back asleep, but he begins to breathe normally again. Carl has his gun pointed at Hershel. Entrance of a cell block Axel and Oscar are on their knees. Rick and Daryl are threatening Oscar with a gun and a knife, whereas T-Dog is pointing his gun at Axel. Oscar: We didn't have nothing to do with that. Rick: You didn't know? You knew! Daryl, let's end this now! Rick points his gun at Axel's face, and Daryl puts his knife on Oscar's neck. Axel: Sir, please, please listen to me! It was them that was bad! It wasn't us! Rick: Oh, that's convenient! Axel: You saw what he did to Tiny! He was my friend! Please! We ain't like that! I like my pharmaceuticals, but I'm no killer! Oscar here, he's a B and E and he ain't very good at it neither! We ain't the violent kind, they were! Please! Please, I swear to god! I wanna live! Rick goes back to threatening Oscar by pointing his gun at his head. Rick: What about you? Oscar: I ain't never pleaded for my life. And I ain't about to start now. So you do what you gotta do. In the prisoner's new cell block Rick, Daryl and T-Dog push Axel and Oscar in their new cell block. There are bodies everywhere. Axel: Oh man! I knew these guys, they were good men. Rick: Let's go. Oscar: So you're just gonna leave us in here? Man, this is sick! Rick: We're locking down the cell block. From now on, this part of the prison is yours. Take it or leave it, that was the deal. Daryl: You think this is sick? You don't wanna know what's outside. Rick: Consider yourselves the lucky ones. Daryl: Sorry about your friends man. T-Dog: Word of advice : take those bodies outside and burn them. Rick, T-Dog and Daryl leave. In one of the cells Rick arrives in the cell where Hershel's still sleeping. Carl: Hershel stopped breathing, mom saved him. Glenn: It's true. Lori: Still no fever. Hershel opens his mouth, Maggie sits next to him. Everybody looks at him. He opens his eyes. Maggie: Daddy? Beth: Daddy! Daddy! She laughs, Lori, Rick and Maggie smile. Rick takes Hershel's cuffs off. Hershel grabs Rick's hand. Beth and Maggie hug, and Carl smiles. Lori leaves the cell, followed by Rick, who puts Beth's hand in Hershel's. Rick: (to Beth) Come here. In the prison's yard Carol put the walker's body on the floor. She uncovers the walker's belly in order to start practicing the C-section. She takes her knife and starts the procedure. Someone is watching her behind a tree. On a bridge between two cell blocks Rick joins Lori on the bridge. Rick: We'll start cleaning tomorrow. Lori: Yeah. Yeah, we'll give Carl a safe place to... do whatever he does these days. Rick: For the record, I don't think you're a bad mother. Lori: Well, wife is a different story. For better or worse, right? I mean, what are we gonna do, hire lawyers, get divorced and split our assets? (they laugh) We have food, Hershel's alive, today was a good day. Rick: He'd be dead if it weren't for you. Lori: You're the one that acted fast, if you hadn't done what you did then... I thought maybe you were coming here to talk about us. Maybe there's nothing to talk about anymore. Rick puts his hand on Lori's shoulder, but still keeps his distance. Rick: We're awful grateful for what you did. He goes back in the cell block, leaving her sad.

Rick's group discuss what to do with the five prison survivors, and initially lock them in a separate but walker-free part of the prison. When the prisoners agree to help them clear walkers, Rick allows them to come, but finds their leader Tomas unstable and is forced to kill him, while abandoning another, Andrew, in a yard full of walkers. The others tend carefully to Hershel's health to make sure he does not turn.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_05x08

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_05x08_0

[Whitmore College] (Dr. Maxfield is in his lab with Jesse, who's still being detained) Dr. Maxfield: Preliminary report subject 62547. Subject has transformed from human to vampire in approximately 14 days. Indicators predict a positive response to first bag of undiluted Augustine blood (He gives a blood bag to Jesse) Dr. Maxfield: Physical strength is an unforeseen side effect. Terminating transfusion. Activating emergency procedures (Bonnie is in the dorm, recording a video for her mom) Bonnie: Hi, mom! I know we haven't seen each other or talked in a while, so I wanted to make you a video update. Um, I finally finished my whirlwind summer tour, got a new do, and I'm in college at Whitmore, where grams taught. This is my dorm! It's huge, right? Look. It even has a fireplace! I mean, what dorm has a fireplace? (Elena and Caroline enter) Bonnie: Oh, here they are! Hey, guys! Say hi to my mom! Caroline/Elena: Hi! Bonnie: They're planning me a welcome party. Just... just something hokey. I miss you. Um, please come visit when... ha... When you get a chance. I'll, um, I'll talk to you soon. Mmm-wha. Bye (She stops filming) Elena: "And by the way, mom, I'm not a witch anymore because I died and then came back from the other side." Caroline: ''"Yeah. I'm the supernatural anchor that connects our two worlds together, so..." Elena: "Technically, I'm a ghost that people can still see and touch, so..." Bonnie: Ok. So I left out a detail... or two. I'll explain when she visits. How big is this party going to be? Elena: Well, let's see. Silas and Tessa are gone, and you finally aren't Caroline: Which equals massive cause for celebration! Elena: Which equals a massive party. Hopefully, since each of us have only made one friend in college so far Caroline: And given that mine went radio silent after he kissed me, and yours was last seen at a tea party for a vampire-hating secret society... Bonnie: Hmm. Augustine, right? The one who covered up your roommate's death and wants to kick you off campus? What? I've kept up! The other side is boring. What else am I supposed to do? Elena: All right. So Augustine wants us gone. Who cares? It doesn't matter. It's not gonna happen. We're moving on with our lives together as functional vampires, former witch anchor thing, I don't know. And we're having a party Caroline: With jell-o shots! Bonnie: Oh, shoot! Um, I have to go register for classes. What? Caroline/Elena: Nothing Elena: Have fun registering Bonnie: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! (Bonnie is with Jeremy) Jeremy: Wait. Registering for classes? Bonnie: I know. I... she's... I know I have Elena's blessing. I still don't need to rub it in her face day one in the triple dorm room Jeremy: We could always sneak back to my place Bonnie: You mean, Damon's house? While we're at it, why don't we just have s*x in his bathtub, or maybe Katherine could watch Jeremy: This hair, by the way, kind of hot. You ok? Bonnie: Yep. I got to go to class. See you tonight? Jeremy: Yeah ok (She leaves) (Bonnie walks, alone. The lady appears) The Lady: I'm ready (Elena is on the phone) Elena: I know this is gonna sound lame, but... Damon: Any time you start with "this is gonna sound lame," guess what... it is Elena: This is for Bonnie,and you had a really big part in bringing her back, so I think that you should come (She sees Aaron) Elena: Oh! Wait. Hang on. Wait. Hey! Hey, Aaron. Hi. Long time, no see. Here. You're coming Damon: Who's Aaron? Elena: Party in a dorm Aaron: No, thanks Elena: I know what you're doing. You like to push people away, but the thing is... Aaron: How do you know that about me? Elena: Because you told me at the costume ball when I compelled it out of you (She compels him) Elena: Ok. Forget that I said that, forget that I know anything. We're starting over. You're coming to my party. There will be free beer, and it will be really good for you. See you then Aaron: See you tonight (He leaves) Damon: Well, that was an embarrassingly close call. Maybe I should be there so you don't spill all of our secrets and make out with the moody mystery guy Elena: The only moody mystery guy that I want to make out with is you. Oh, and speaking of which, invite Stefan Damon: Speaking of moody or making out? Either way, he'll never show. His memory's back, and he remembers he hates us Elena: Just try, ok? I bought Bourbon, so he could just get drunk and hate us from afar Damon: Well, I'll be sure to relay the message (They hang up) [Salvatore's House] (Damon rejoins Stefan in the library) Damon: So apparently we've been invited to a college party. Yeah. That was my first reaction, too. Then Elena promised a bottomless well of top-shelf alcohol. Stefan? You... ok? Stefan: Yeah, I'm fine Damon: How about my favorite reading chair? Stefan: Just tell Elena thanks, but I'm not really up for a party tonight [Mystic Grill] (Katherine is at the bar) Katherine: How about now? Matty blue-blue, I want another drink Matt: No! You're drunk and scaring the customers Katherine: You realize that every single time you say no it just makes you hotter, right?What are you watching, some Czech reality show? Matt: How'd you know it was Czech? Katherine: Eye contact. We're getting started Matt: You translate, you drink Katherine: Ok. What the hell am I looking at here? Matt: So over the summer, I went to Prague, met a girl. She followed me back here. And then her boyfriend put some spirit thing in my head Katherine: Oh, dear. This is bad Matt: Why? Katherine: Some guy named Kristof, he, um... He activated you Matt: What do you mean activated me? Katherine: He's a traveler. Travelers are a faction of witches. They're big on spirit possession. You've got one inside of you.It's kind of like a human parasite that's hitching a ride in your brain Matt: So how the hell do I get it out of me? Katherine: That girl, the one that followed you back from Prague, was she, um, I don't know, feisty, a little accent, ridiculously beautiful? Matt: Pretty much, yeah. Her name was Nadia. Why? Do you know her? Katherine: You could say that. Ahem [Whitmore College] (Caroline and Elena are putting everything in place for the party) Elena: I, uh handed out all the fliers. Oh, and, uh, Damon said that he's gonna try and bring Stefan Caroline: Funny. That seemed to imply that Damon is actually coming (Caroline's phone rings and Elena looks at it) Elena: Hmm. Maybe a call from a mysteriously hot biology T.A. will help (Caroline answers) Caroline: Well, look who rose from the dead Jesse: I need your help Caroline: What happened, Jesse? Jesse: Just come to my room, please Caroline: Ok. I'm coming, but what's going on? Jesse: It's a long story. My roommate's gonna be home (Jesse is in his room. Aaron enters but there's no one) Aaron: Jesse! Jess, you home? Jesse: I'm sorry, man Aaron: Oh, my God (Jesse bites him and Caroline intervenes) Caroline: Who the hell turned you into a vampire? Jesse: It was torture. I was in some cell all day, and then at night, he'd take me out and do experiments on me Caroline: What kind of experiments? Jesse: I don't know. He'd starve me and then inject me with some weird blood. What am I supposed to tell my parents? They left me all these messages. They're wondering where the hell I am Caroline: We're going to call them and tell them that you lost your phone but you're ok.Where is Wes now? Jesse: I locked him in his lab after I attacked him. Honestly, though, the escape was kind of a blur. I wasn't exactly in my right mind Caroline: Well, you're new, and you're hungry (Elena enters) Elena: Not for long. I brought our stash. How are you doing? Jesse: "Our" stash? You're a vampire, too? Elena: You say it like it's a bad thing. First rule of being a vampire is realizing how awesome you are! (She looks at Aaron) Elena: How's he doing? Caroline: He's all right. He's alive. Elena, wait. I was thinking that Jesse could do it. You're a vampire now. You may have hurt him, but you can also heal him with your blood Jesse: Holy crap. That's insane Caroline: Want to teach him about compulsion? [Mystic Grill] (Stefan is alone at a table. Katherine rejoins him) Katherine: Hey, stranger. Lookie what I stole Stefan: Knock yourself out Katherine: Hey. Come on. Please just have one drink with me. Please. Stefan, I've had a bad... Year really, and it would be nice to have a friendly face Stefan: One pity drink Katherine: See? The universe at work. I don't know if you knew this, but our doppelganger stars are fated to be together, so like it or not, you're gonna end up with somebody who looks like me, although the universe seems to have all of its eggs in the Elena basket, but at this point, I don't really blame it Stefan: What is wrong with you? Katherine: Other than the joint pain, receding gums, and the fact that I have to pee every 5 minutes, I'm dandy, but, hey, enough about me. Why are you all by your lonesome? Stefan: So I could avoid talking to anyone Katherine: Well, if you did want to talk to someone, I'm right here, and, uh, let's be honest, I'm wasted, so I'm not gonna remember Stefan: Look. I thought that killing Silas would allow me to move on with my life, but I was wrong. I spent my summer locked in a safe. One minute, I think I'm fine, the next minute I feel like I'm dying all over again Katherine: Oh. Classic PTSD. You survived a pretty traumatic event, and now you're back, and you've got nothing but free time to just relive that terrible experience in the safe. Well, allow me to give your life a purpose. Help me with one little favor Stefan: Should have known this was gonna come around to you needing something from me Katherine: I'm just trying to help. What would I know about posttraumatic stress? I only had my newborn ripped from my arms by my judgmental father and then had to run 500 years after my entire family had been slaughtered by a psychopath, but, hey, that didn't have any lingering side effects Stefan: All right. What do you need? (Nadia rejoins them) Nadia: I thought you never wanted to see me again. Why'd you call me? Katherine: Stefan, I'd like you to meet Nadia Petrova, my daughter [Whitmore College] (The party is in full swing. Bonnie is talking with Jesse) Jesse: So your mom's like me, too? Bonnie: Yeah. Long story. She's, um, surviving fine.You'll be great Jesse: Your eyes keep scanning the room. You afraid I'm gonna go vampire postal on the fourth floor freshmen? Bonnie: No. I'm sorry. I'm just looking for my, um... I'm not sure what he is actually Jesse: Boyfriend? Friend with benefits? Bonnie: He's my best friend's little brother, he's still in High School, and I... Think I'm madly in love with him (Caroline rejoins Elena) Elena: Have you been keeping an eye on Jesse? Caroline: Yep. I've been teaching him the art of sublimating vampire hunger via grain alcohol Elena: And I sent Damon to question Wes Caroline: You realize that Damon's going to kill Wes, right? Elena: He's not going to kill him. He's getting information Caroline: You realize that you're wrong, right? Elena: Ok. Look. I know that you're not crazy about Damon and I being together... Caroline: No, no, it's fine. I'm fine with you two being together as long as you can acknowledge the kind of person you are together with (Damon is in Wes' lab) Dr. Wes: What do you want? Damon: What I want is to be drinking copious quantities of booze and making out with my girlfriend, but unfortunately, I can't do that until I get a bunch of answers out of you Dr. Wes: Careful with those Damon:These? These right here? Why? I mean, we're on a college campus, right, full of students? I can't imagine an M.D. has a bunch of infectious diseases just lying around Dr. Wes: M.D.-PH.D. I'm a researcher Damon: I've met a lot of people like you. Science over medicine, right? Let me guess. You use these in your little vampire lab rats, don't you? Not in the mood to talk? Fair enough. We're gonna play a little game where I inject you with whatever the hell necrotizing fasciitis is Dr. Wes: It's a flesh-eating bacteria Damon: Gross. So I'm gonna do that, and I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions. If you answer me correctly, I'm gonna give you some of my delicious... Vampire blood, and we'll heal you right on up. If you don't answer me correctly, we're just gonna have to see how much flesh these little guys can eat [Mystic Grill] (Stefan is with Katherine and Nadia) Stefan: Just out of morbid curiosity, which one of you is younger? Katherine/Nadia: I am Stefan: Right (Matt enters) Matt: Ok. So here's the knife the traveler left behind with me. Now what are we doing in here? Katherine: Take a seat, Matt Nadia: This is ridiculous (Nadia gets closer to him) Nadia: Veeet Stefan: What the hell was that? Katherine: She's calling on Matt's passenger (Gregor surfaces) Stefan: Easy, easy, easy Katherine: Hello, Gregor. I'm Nadia's mother. It's a pleasure to finally meet you Matt/Gregor: What do you want? Katherine: Here's the thing. Nadia's my only child, so naturally, I'm suspicious of anyone who wants to date her. Why don't you tell us the real reason why you're in Mystic Falls? Matt/Gregor: To track and kill Silas Katherine: Oh. So it has absolutely nothing to do with this? (She shows him the dagger) Matt/Gregor: How did you get that? Stefan: I would much rather be getting drunk right now, so why don't you stop wasting our time and tell us what you're doing here? Matt/Gregor: Fine. After Silas was dead, I was meant to kill her Katherine: I didn't see that one coming Nadia: You were using me to get to her? Why? Why would you kill her? Matt/Gregor: That's what the travelers want. I don't question my orders Katherine: See why I don't want you dating my daughter?Because travelers are ruthless, manipulative hypocrites. I know because your grandfather was one (She stabs Matt) Stefan: What did you just do? Katherine: Give it a rest. Matt will be fine. Gregor on the other hand, not so much. I just expelled his spirits. There's a reason why he wanted this knife so badly. It's the only thing that will truly kill a passenger [SCENE_BREAK] [Whitmore College] (Damon is still with Wes) Damon: Turning a kid into a vampire so you can experiment on him? What is it about this place that turns people into mad scientists? Dr. Wes: Human trials are a vital part of modern medicine Damon: Yeah, but don't people usually volunteer or sign waivers, maybe get some dough for tuition Dr. Wes: Sometimes you do what's necessary for the greater good Damon: I'm not the greatest guy in the world, but it sounds like some Mengele level crap that you're spouting out, so I got to ask... What is your greater good? Rabies. Sounds fun, doesn't it, and appropriate given the circumstance (Bonnie sees the old lady and rejoins her) Bonnie: Are you doing ok? Lady: Am I on the famous other side? Bonnie: You are. What, um... What got you here? Lady: I died Bonnie: No. I mean, what were you? Lady: A witch. What are you? Bonnie: The anchor to the other side. Every supernatural being who dies passes through me Lady: That doesn't seem like it'd be a lot of fun for you Bonnie: It's better than being dead. I'm so sorry. Such a stupid thing to say Lady: It's ok, honey. Dying wasn't fun, but then you felt my pain, so I guess you know that. I'm sorry, but you know what? The pain's gone now, and seeing a friendly face over here certainly doesn't hurt (Jeremy rejoins her) Jeremy: Sorry! Pretty much had to wrestle Elena to get her to give me these. You ok? Bonnie: Yeah. I think I am Jeremy: Good. I'm gonna need you to come with me Bonnie: Where are we going? Jeremy: To register for classes (Caroline and Jesse are dancing) Jesse: That feels amazing Caroline: That's one of the other fun side effects. Everything is heightened Jesse: So that feeling never goes away? Caroline: Nope (Damon is still in the lab) Damon: Well, rabies was a bust. I guess I'll find something a little more immediate Dr. Maxfield: I wanted to turn Jesse into a new kind of vampire Damon: Well, that's awfully ambitious of you Dr. Maxfield: I am awfully smart Damon: Ebola. Why? Dr. Maxfield: Your kind is dangerous to humans. You're dangerous because we're your food source. I want to change that (Jesse and Caroline are still dancing) Caroline: What? Jesse: Last time I kissed you, you got all weird, and it was awkward, and... Dr. Maxfield: If vampires don't need to feed on humans, they're no longer a threat Damon: I'm not buying the good doctor bit Dr. Maxfield: Human blood will only satiate Jesse temporarily until he gets a taste of what he really craves Damon: Well, what exactly does he really crave? (Jesse kisses Caroline's neck. She kisses him and he bites her) Caroline: You bit me. Hey. You ok? Jesse: Yeah. I just got to get out of here Caroline: Jesse! (Aaron arrives and Elena sees him) Aaron: Ok. So this isn't the lamest party that I've ever been to Elena: Aaron, hey. You made it Aaron: Barely. I think I fell asleep. I just woke up Elena: Weird. Well, this will make it better Aaron: Oh. Now I know why Wes told me to stay away from you. Cheers. Mmm. You're trouble Elena: So, hey. How do you know Wes anyway? Aaron: He's my legal guardian Elena: Really? What about your parents? Aaron: Uh, dead Elena: Mine, too. Birth and adoptive Aaron: Whoa. Dark. No offense, but usually, I'm the biggest freak in the room. So how'd it happen? Elena: Uh, our car went over a bridge. I lived, they didn't. You? Aaron: I was 6, and we went camping, and I woke up to the sound of my mom screaming. I went to check it out, and I saw blood everywhere. They had bite marks all over their neck Elena: Bite marks? Aaron: Yeah. They said a bear got into the camp. So I shuffled around distant relatives for a while. Eventually, Wes took me in. So Wes is the closest thing to family I have left Elena: Wow. I think both need another Jell-O shot. I'll be right back. I'm glad that you came Aaron: Yeah. Me, too (She leaves. Caroline rejoins her) Caroline: Hey. Have you seen Jesse? Elena: No Caroline: Wait. Where are you going? Elena: To call Damon, to make sure that he doesn't kill Dr. Wes [Mystic Grill] (Stefan is at the bar but he doesn't feel good so he goes outside. Katherine rejoins him) Katherine: There you are Stefan: Get away from me Katherine: Stefan, you're ok. Relax Stefan: I can't do that. Do you understand me? Katherine: You have two options, Stefan. You either deal with this now, or you run, but either way, it's gonna catch up to you. I can't breathe, Stefan. Tell me the name of the first person that you kill... Ahh... killed. Mmm. Name him Stefan: Gius... Giuseppe Salvatore Katherine: And the next? Focus on the name Stefan: Thomas Fell Katherine: See? You're in control, on solid ground. You're not drowning. You're not dying.Name them Stefan: Honoria Fell, Marianna Lockwood, Christopher Gilbert, Margaret Forbes Katherine: See? I told you I knew what I was doing Stefan: Thank you (Nadia comes out) Nadia: You're right. Gregor is dead. Happy now? Katherine: You deserve better, Nadia Nadia: Rot in hell [Whitmore College] (Elena is still at the party and on the phone with Damon) Elena: Jesse feeds on... Vampires? Damon: That's what Doogie said, and apparently once he starts, he can't stop Elena: Hey. Um, the fact that he told you this means that he's still alive, right? Damon: As of now Elena: Good. Please don't kill him, Damon. Damon, tell me that you won't kill him Damon: Ok, ok, ok. I won't kill him. Bye (Damon hangs up and looks at Wes) Damon: Problem is I know people like you a lot better than you realize. If I let you live, you're just gonna do it again. You're gonna turn another vampire, you're gonna do another experiment. The only way to really handle you is just to snuff you out. You're lucky I don't feel like burying a body (Jesse enters) Jesse: What the hell did you do to me? Damon: Easy there, killer Jesse: Wasn't bad enough that you locked me up and poked me full of needles?Now I want to feed on the girl I like? Wes: You feed on monsters, Jesse (Jesse looks at Damon) Damon: In case Professor Forbes forgot to tell you in your training, sweetie, I'm a lot older than you, and that means I'm a lot stronger than you Wes: Actually that's not 100% accurate (Jesse attacks Damon) Damon: What the hell did they do to you? (They fight and Elena arrives) Elena: Damon! Jesse, Jesse, let go. Jesse! Damon: He's gonna tear my head off. Elena, please (Elena finally kills Jesse and Caroline arrives) Caroline: No! No! No, Jesse! Jesse, come here. Hold on. Hold on. Just stay with me, please. Jesse, just stay with me, please. No... What did you do? Elena: He was gonna kill Damon Caroline: But we promised that we would help him Damon: She didn't have a choice, all right? Once he had the taste of vampire blood, there was nothing stopping him. Go ask Dr. Frankenstein. I'll go deal with him Elena: Caroline, I'm so sorry. I... Caroline: Yeah. Me, too. Because the Elena that I used to know would have given Jesse a chance [Mystic Grill] (Stefan is at the bar and finds a note from Katherine) Katherine: Dear Nadia, sorry I had to kill your boyfriend, but it was the motherly thing to do. Suicide, however, not very motherly of me. I ran from my enemies for 500 years, and then one day, I stopped. Now a new enemy wants me dead. Sure I could run from the travelers, but there's still one enemy that I can never escape, time. So call it pride or vanity, but after the life that I've led, I refuse to drift off into the sunset. Good-bye, Nadia [The Clock Tower] (She jumps but she's caught by Stefan before she hits the pavement) Stefan: What are you doing? Katherine: I told you either face your problems, or you run. I chose option 3 Stefan: And what problem has you jumping off of a clock tower? Katherine: I'm dying, Stefan. I'm dying of old age. I don't know the cure did something to speed up the entire mortifying process Stefan: Yeah. You're Katherine Pierce. Suck it up [A Hotel Room] (Bonnie and Jeremy are alone) Bonnie: I'll admit it. I miss magic Jeremy: Step away from the candles (The start kissing and Jesse appears) Bonnie: Oh, my God. I think Jesse's dead Jeremy: What? Jesse: I'm not ready. I don't want this (He passes through her and she screams) Jeremy: Bonnie, what's going on? Bonnie! What is it? Bonnie: I'm the anchor to the other side, Jer. Every supernatural being that dies has to pass through me Jeremy: How often does that happen?Why... why didn't you tell me? Bonnie: I'm back here, touching you. We knew there would be consequences. Just kiss me. Kiss me. You... and me... This, this is worth it. Any consequence is worth this [Whitmore College] (Caroline rejoins Elena) Caroline: 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said earlier. It was out of line. It just sucks, you know, 'cause Jesse was one of the good ones Elena: I know, and I wouldn't have killed him if I could have done something. He was dangerous. I need you to believe that. I need you to believe me when I tell you that Caroline Caroline: I believe you, ok? I believe you want to celebrate the fact that we can go to school and function like regular freshmen. I get that. I want that, too, but, Elena, when are you gonna figure out that the outside world is not nearly as dangerous as the person you're inviting into your own bedroom? Elena: Wow! Why don't you tell me how you really feel? Caroline: The day that I stop telling you is the day that we're no longer best friends, and... I hope that day never comes (Damon is in the lab with Maxfield) Dr. Maxfield: If you're gonna do this, I'd much rather prefer a bullet through the brain Damon: Actually I'm gonna wait until I can compel all this out of your head. What the hell's that? Why does this say 12144? Dr. Maxfield: Why do you care? Damon: Because I was 21051 Dr. Maxfield: 21051. Hang on. You were an Augustine vampire? Damon: Augustine. I haven't heard that name in decades. Vampire lab rats, coded subject names. I thought you guys shut down 60 years ago Dr. Maxfield: You thought wrong Damon: You know how I said I wasn't gonna kill you? I lied Dr. Maxfield: Atomized vervain. When working with vampires, you can never be too careful. I'm sure Augustine will be thrilled to have you back

With Bonnie back, Elena and Caroline decide to throw a party, but Bonnie has problems by being the connection to the other side when supernatural creatures die and use her to move on. Jesse, who is a new vampire has problems and asks Caroline for help. Even after killing Silas, Stefan has some trouble remembering everything that happened the past summer. At the party, Elena sends Damon to take some questions from Wes about his vampire tests. Katherine uses Stefan and Nadia to find out Gregor's (in Matt's body) motives even when Silas is dead. Gregor reveals that his mission was to kill Silas and then go after Katherine and kill her. Katherine stabs Matt with a special knife and Gregor's spirit is forced to leave his body. Wes reveals to Damon that Jesse was created to feed only from other vampires. Damon is attacked by Jesse and Elena is forced to kill him in order to save Damon. Caroline is somewhat understanding, but nevertheless disappointed, believing Elena's relationship with Damon is affecting her judgement. A desperate Katherine decides to jump out of the clock tower and kill herself but is saved by Stefan. While Bonnie and Jeremy make out Jesse appears, having to go through Bonnie. Bonnie finally tells Jeremy what it means to be the Anchor to the Other Side. In the end, Bonnie says it's worth it and they have sex. Wes reveals to Damon more about the blood tests and an organization named 'Augustine' which Damon remembers from his past. Wes escapes his bonds and captures Damon. In the final scene, Damon is seen stuck in a cage with his initials carved on the walls.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_05x05

fd_One_Tree_Hill_05x05_0

LUCAS' BEDROOM Lucas is at his desk, Lindsay walks in LINDSAY : Hey... How's the writing going? LUCAS : Slow, sluggish, and plodding. Mostly just messing around with my online thesaurus. LINDSAY : Apparently. I was doing some organizing, and look what I found. (Lindsay shows a picture of Nathan basketball team with Lucas and Whitey as their coach) LUCAS : That was a long time ago. LINDSAY : You know what I love about it? That smile on your face. I don't think I've ever seen you look so happy. Makes me wonder if maybe you were happier then. Before the book was published. Before you moved back home. Before us. LUCAS : Lindsey... ...you make me so happy. LINDSAY : Really? You wouldn't change anything? LUCAS : Not a thing. (Lucas and Lindsay kiss, than Lucas looks at the picture...) FLASHBACK 3 YEARS AGO INTERIOR GYM WHITEY : Tomorrow night, you play for the Division II title. However, in my opinion, you can go up against any college squad in the nation. Now, for those of you who have won a championship, I don't have to remind you how good it makes you feel. The rest of you will just have to trust me. Now, I want you to go home and hit the sheets... preferably alone. LUCAS : Coach. WHITEY : Go home, Luke. LUCAS : Actually, I was thinking I was gonna watch a little bit more tape. WHITEY : Lucas, you've been a great assistant coach this year and someday you're gonna take over the team, but for now, you take orders from me. Go home and go to bed. LUCAS : All right. WHITEY : And no late-night cyber chats with long-distance blondie. LUCAS : All right. EXTERIOR GYM Nathan's coming outside of the gym to see Haley, who's holding the one year old Jamie. NATHAN : There's my little track star. HALEY : Oh, sweetie, he is... JAMIE : - Ball. NATHAN : Did you hear that? He just said "ball." I swear he just said "ball." He said "ball," man. (Lucas joins them) LUCAS : He's definitely your son! And he's a lucky kid. You look more and more like me every day. HALEY : Say it again. Say it again. "Ball." "Ball." NATHAN AND HALEY'S LIVING ROOM Haley's playing with Jamie and Lucas joins them LUCAS : Hey HALEY : Hi HALEY : What time is it? LUCAS : Almost 4:30. I couldn't sleep either. HALEY : Yeah, neither could he. You just excited about seeing Peyton or the game or what? LUCAS : Actually, Peyton's not coming. She couldn't get away from work. HALEY : I'm sorry, Luke. I guess that's life in the music business. LUCAS : I guess. Do you ever miss it? HALEY : Sometimes. Especially when I see you chasing your dreams of being a writer. But, I'll get back to chasing my dreams someday. LUCAS : All I have to show for my writing career is a stack of rejection letters. Besides, when I see the three of you together... I just want what you guys have. HALEY : You know we could not have done this last year without you living here and helping. Between school and basketball and Jamie... I know it's hard to be away from Peyton. LUCAS : We all made sacrifices. I mean, for the first time in your academic career, you're getting B's. HALEY : It was B-plus, okay? HALEY : - Hey. LUCAS : Yeah? HALEY : You're a part of this family, and you always will be. LUCAS : Thanks. Night, little man. JAMIE : Ball. HALEY : Yes. I will get your ball. INTERIOR GYM Nathan's playing, Lucas arrives LUCAS : Little early, aren't you? NATHAN : Maybe after tonight people will look at me as a champion again, not a point-shaver. LUCAS : We're gonna win this one, little brother. NATHAN : Oh, yeah. Same place, during the basketball game SPORT'S ANNOUNCER (voiceover) : This is the ultimate Cinderella story. For years the Cobras have been perennial doormats, but this season, under the leadership of Nathan Scott, their fortunes have changed. LUCAS (yelling et the players): Attack the gap! Attack the gap! Get back on "D"! Come on! Look high-low! Look high-low! SPORT'S ANNOUNCER (voiceover) : After a game that's seen 17 lead changes, we're all tied up with less than a minute to go in the fourth. Scott's been carrying this team, but does he have enough left in his tank? (Time out) LUCAS : Ok... Listen up... (Lucas stops as Whitey join them) LUCAS : Sorry, coach. What's the game plan? WHITEY : You tell me. You know, I told you someday that you'd be taking over. Well, this is it. You're ready. Go on. Bring us home. (Whitey leaves the gym) SPORT'S ANNOUNCER (voiceover) : It appears Whitey Durham is headed to the locker room I guess that leaves the Cobras under the leadership of assistant coach Lucas Scott, who used to play for Durham once upon a time. LUCAS : Okay. Heads up. We're gonna go man-to-man, full-court press. I want you to force the ball sidelines. Anticipate this pass over the top. When we get the ball back, they're gonna double-team, so I want you to stagger screens here and here. Nathan, ball's in your hands. NATHAN : Whatever you say... coach. LUCAS : All right. Let's win this. On three. One, two, three. ALL THE TEAM : Cobras! LUCAS : Hey, Nate! Maybe you want to consider the fadeaway. NATHAN (smiling) : Fadeaway's weak, man. LUCAS (yelling at the players) : All right, match up by the 12! Switch off screens! (Few seconds left, the Cobras keep the ball and Nathan makes the winning shot) HALEY (yelling) : they won LUCAS : Whoo (Confettis start to fall...) FLASHBACK TO WHEN THE RAVENS WON THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP (EPISODE 409) LUCAS : It's you. PEYTON : What? LUCAS : When all my dreams come true, the one I want next to me... It's you. It's you, Peyton. COME BACK TO INTERIOR GYM (Lucas is watching Nathan, Haley and Jamie celebrating) BOYS LOCKER ROOM WHITEY : Good job, son. You ran that final play just like I would have. LUCAS : Maybe so, but you sure do know how to kick a guy out of the nest. WHITEY : Lucas, you were always a great player, but you're an even better coach. There's nothing more I can teach you, which is why this is my final game. LUCAS : Coach. WHITEY : I've already talked to the dean and the A.D. about it. They've never had a student coach before, but, then again, they've never had a championship before, either. They both agreed that you're ready. LUCAS : I don't know what to say. WHITEY : Just promise me you'll always remember there are more important things in life than basketball. LUCAS : So, what about you? I mean, what are you gonna do now? WHITEY : I don't know. Now that I'm retired, probably go to basketball games and yell at the coach. JOURNALIST : I would agree with that as well, but, after a season like that, the D-I Scouts have got to take notice. NATHAN : Right now, I'm just happy with playing the game. If there's one thing this year's taught me it's that the most important thing is my family. LUCAS : Hey, Nate. The bus is leaving. NATHAN : Okay. Hey, thanks for your time. (Lucas and Nathan leave the room) LUCAS : So, how'd it go? NATHAN : That was the first time in a year I didn't get asked about point-shaving. LUCAS : All right. EXTERIOR GYM HALEY : Hi, sweetie. NATHAN : Hey, you ready? HALEY : You should ride with the team. We just wanted to say goodbye. NATHAN : Get some sleep, kiddo. See you at home. LUCAS : See you, Hales. HALEY : See you. RANDOM GUY : Hey, Scott. You got a cute kid. Wonder if he'll grow up to be a cheater like his old man. Just think-- you could teach him to shave and shave points. (Nathan start to fight with the guy) NATHAN : Why don't I shave your face on the pavement? (Lucas stops him) LUCAS : Hey! Come on, Nate. Come on. Nate! Get on the bus. Get on the bus! INSIDE THE BUS (Lucas receives a text message "Hey Luke, play this song when you win the championship. Peyton". The song is Heartbeats from Jos Gonzales which was played during their kiss in episode 409) WHITEY : That was a hell of a move tonight. NATHAN : Soon as the ball left my hands, I knew it was going in. WHITEY : I'm talking about after the game. Look, I didn't put off my pension so you can beat up any jackass that heckles you. NATHAN : I know. I'm sorry. WHITEY : You've worked hard this season. A lot of eyes are on you. But you've got to be careful. If you're not, that temper of yours will be all you have left. NATHAN : I just don't know if people are ever gonna forget the mistakes I've made. WHITEY : The important thing is for you to get past them. This is not gonna go away just by playing better. You've got to live better. NATHAN : I know. You're right. I get it, coach. WHITEY : Nathan, I just don't want you to look back down the road in a couple of years and wonder what might have been. We all know where that path can lead a man. NATHAN : Dan. WHITEY : For the record, that last shot was a hell of a move. (Whitey moves seats to talk to Lucas) LUCAS : Hey, coach. WHITEY : Hey. LUCAS : So, 37 years of coaching... where does this night rank? WHITEY : This would be number three. Number two was your high-school championship. LUCAS : And what was the first? WHITEY : The first was the night Camilla agreed to join a scrawny kid just embarking on a 37-year coaching career. (Lucas is watching at Peyton's picture on his cell phone) LUCAS : There's more important things in life than basketball. WHITEY : That's right. LUCAS : Hey, coach. You wouldn't mind dropping me by the airport, would you? WHITEY : Be happy to, son. LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S OFFICE GUY : Hey, Sawyer, you got a call on line 1. PEYTON : Thanks. (Peyton, picking up the phone) PEYTON : This is Peyton. LUCAS : Hey. It's me. PEYTON : I've been trying to call you all morning. I watched the game highlights online. I wish I could have been there. LUCAS : Yeah, me too. So, what are you wearing? PEYTON : Luke, I can't do that right now. I'm at work. LUCAS : I'm thinking a Pink Floyd tee over the long-sleeve white shirt and maybe those sexy jeans with the hole in the knee? PEYTON : Wow. You are good! LUCAS : Yes, I am. (Lucas appears on the door step behind Peyton) LUCAS : Really good. PEYTON : Luke! Hi! (Peyton jumps in Lucas' arms PEYTON : I can't believe you're here! LUCAS : Yeah, since you couldn't come see me... (They kiss) PEYTON : Hi. LUCAS : Hi. So, this is marketing and distribution? Lucas and Peyton are walking in her office while she is delivering mails. PEYTON : So, I might have pimped up my job description just a little. Basically, I work in the mail room. LUCAS : Well that's Hollywood, right? It's always about the spin. I'll bet you know more about music than most of these tools. PEYTON : Shh, you're gonna get me in trouble. And they are not all tools, okay? BLAKE : Not in the box...on my desk. PEYTON : Right. I'm sorry. BLAKE (to Lucas) : And, you, onion bagel, light on the cream cheese. LUCAS : Right away, Carl. BLAKE : It's Blake! LUCAS : Well, it's good to see they're nice. No. Seriously. Why do you put up with this? PEYTON : I will show you why. See that girl right there? Three months ago she was in the mail room, and now she's a junior A&R exec. LUCAS : But I bet she didn't produce two albums before she graduated high school. PEYTON : Okay. You're gonna have to go before you get us both fired. LUCAS : All right. Look, I got dinner reservations for us at 8:00. LUCAS : Is that too late? PEYTON : No, it's actually kind of early. We usually go till at least 9:00. LUCAS : All right. Then it's 9:30. PEYTON : Perfect. I'll meet you at the restaurant. Just text me the address, okay? LUCAS : All right. (They kiss) PEYTON : God, Luke, it is so good to see you. Bye. INSIDE THE RESTAURANT, IN LA PEYTON : Hi! I am so sorry. I'm so late. I got stuck going over the canyon. LUCAS : It's okay. I'm just glad you're here. PEYTON : God, look at you! LUCAS : What? PEYTON : No. I just... I haven't seen a suit on anybody in so long, unless they're an agent or a lawyer or a successful novelist. LUCAS : Oh, I don't know about that. I get a new rejection letter every day. PEYTON : Luke, your book is good. It's gonna happen. I know it. Later during the diner PEYTON : So when the executives blow off the shows, we get the tickets. Like monday, I went and saw Ryan Adams at the Viper Room, and then wednesday was Tegan and Sara at the Roxy, and, I don't know, I just... it blows my mind, you know? These are bands we grew up listening to, and now I've got a front-row seat. LUCAS : That's great. We've had our fair share of bands in Tree Hill, thanks to you. PEYTON : God. Anyway, enough about me. You won a freaking championship! I want to hear everything. LUCAS : Well, Whitey's gonna step down as head coach, and he wants me to take over the team. He thinks it'll be good for Nathan and... he thinks I'm ready. PEYTON : Luke, that's incredible. LUCAS : I know... I get salary, benefits, and a big office. PEYTON : Wow. That sounds very... adult. LUCAS : I got that song you sent. PEYTON : You know what? I have something else for you, too. I made you a mix of a bunch of stuff that doesn't street for a couple months. LUCAS : Thank you. I got you something, too. (they are interrupted by Peyton's cell phone) PEYTON : Oh, crap. I'm sorry. It's work. LUCAS : Don't answer. PEYTON : They're just gonna keep calling back. Hello. Yeah-- right now? Yeah, of course I like my job. Okay. Right away, sir. I'm sorry. LUCAS : Can't you at least stay for dessert? PEYTON : Tell you what... how about we have dessert back at my place? LUCAS : Or how about at our room at the Beverly Hilton? PEYTON : Luke, you did not have to do that. LUCAS : I wanted to. PEYTON : All right. This is gonna be quick. I'll be there by 11:00. I promise. LUCAS : All right. PEYTON : Bye. INSIDE THE HOTEL ROOM IN LA Lucas is alone, it's already 12:07. We see him walking around, watching TV and finally falling asleep with a jewel case in his hand. While sleeping, he drops down the little box. LUCAS : Hey. When did you get here? PEYTON : I don't know. Like an hour ago. LUCAS : You know, you could have... could have woke me up. PEYTON : Luke. What is this? (Peyton is holding the jewel case) I couldn't bring myself to open it, but I... I've just been sitting here thinking about how much I love you. LUCAS : Well, wanted it to be a surprise, but... Peyton, I love you, and I want us to be together forever. PEYTON : Luke, wait. Okay. LUCAS : I know it's a bit sudden, okay? But, I mean, yesterday was a great day. And I'm sitting on the bus, and I realized none of my great days of my life... matter without you. You're the one I want next to me when my dreams come true, and you're the one I want next to me if they don't. As long as I have you... nothing else matters. PEYTON : There's... it's just not as simple as all that, okay? There's a lot we have to talk about. LUCAS : I know, but we'll figure out the details when we get back to Tree Hill. PEYTON : Okay, I know that's home for you, and I miss it sometimes... I do... but for me, Tree Hill is two dead moms and a psycho stalker and some really painful memories. I actually had to move out to Hollywood to get away from all the drama. So right now, this is my home, and the only thing that's missing is you. LUCAS : Then I'll move here. PEYTON : No. Luke, honey, Whitey believes in you, and Nathan needs you. And if I ask you to walk away from your dream, you're gonna wake up one day and resent me for it... The same way I would feel if you asked me to leave L.A. LUCAS : Peyton... you get people coffee and you deliver mail. You were doing more than that in Tree Hill. PEYTON : I love you for believing that, but I have to prove that to myself. You see, that's the thing. We both have so much we want to do with our lives, and we're only 19. LUCAS : And Nathan and Haley were a lot young than that. PEYTON : Okay. Well, we see how easy that's been. LUCAS : Come on. PEYTON : In another year... LUCAS : Peyton... we've seen each other three times in the last year. We go days without talking. We trade few e-mails. We've already grown so far apart. Who knows where we'll be a year from now? PEYTON : Luke, if you can't trust that our love can make it one year, I don't understand how we can be talking about forever right now. LUCAS : You're saying no. PEYTON : No! I am not saying no. I'm saying not now. I want to marry you someday. Hey, don't do that. Don't pull away from me, okay? I want us to be together! I love you so much. LUCAS : Just not enough. PEYTON : Okay. Can we take this back? Can we just pretend like you never woke up? Please! LUCAS : I don't think we can. PEYTON : I'm afraid that this conversation is gonna end with... LUCAS : "Goodbye." PEYTON : Luke, don't. Come here. Our dreams are gonna come true, Lucas... my music and your novel. It's gonna happen. I know it. [SCENE_BREAK] INSIDE THE HOTEL ROOM, THE MORNING AFTER Peyton's asleep, Lucas is ready to leave (Lucas kiss Peyton on her forehead and left the CD she offered him on the pillow) LUCAS : Goodbye, Peyton. (He leaves the room) (The door slams) PEYTON : Luke? (She looks around the room and finds the CD) LOS ANGELES AIRPORT CREW : Have a great flight to Hartford. LUCAS : I'm sorry to bother you, but I have to get back a little sooner than expected. CREW : See what we can do. LUCAS : Thanks. (His cell phone rings) Excuse me one second. Hello. LINDSAY : Hi. Is this Lucas Scott? LUCAS : Yeah. Who's this? LINDSAY : My name's Lindsey Strauss. I'm a junior editor at Putnam and Pratt. I read your novel. It's nice of you to call. LUCAS : Everyone else sends their rejection letters first-class. LINDSAY : Actually, I loved it. And I passed it on to my boss, and he feels the same way. Hello? LUCAS : No, I'm still here. LINDSAY : What I'm saying is, we want to publish your book, Lucas. How soon can you be in New York? LUCAS : I'll figure it out. Yeah. Okay. I'm looking forward to seeing you, too. Bye. LUCAS (talking to the crew): I need to go to New York. They're publishing my novel. CREW : Congratulations. Must be a dream come true. You're all set. PEYTON'S OFFICE Peyton's delivering mail while crying BLAKE : I need you to go on a coffee run. PEYTON : Okay. In a minute. BLAKE : I don't have a minute. Hey. PEYTON : I said I need a minute! BAR IN NEW YORK Lucas is with the leader of the publishing company and Lindsay. LEADER : Don't get me wrong-- the writing's good, but I'm not gonna lie to you. When I found out your father was a convicted murderer...that's exactly the kind of hook we need in today's market. LINDSAY : I think our newest literary talent needs a drink. LEADER : When you're done, let's talk about changing that title. LUCAS : What's wrong with the title? LINDSAY : They say that about every book. I love the title. "Murder of crows, parliament of owls." LUCAS : You seem a little young to be an editor. LINDSAY : Well, you seem kind of young to have a book being published. LUCAS : Fair enough. LINDSAY : The truth is... your novel's my first. I graduated last year. My dad runs the company, but I need to prove myself like everyone else... maybe more. LUCAS : I know how that is. LINDSAY : Luke, I don't care who your father is. I read a lot of manuscripts, but yours was the first one that actually spoke to me. I mean, yeah, there's some rough parts, but your writing has truth, soul. LUCAS : Rough parts? LINDSAY : Look, I promise, as your editor, I'll always be faithful to your voice, but there's some work to do. It'll take six months before it's ready for publication... maybe a little longer. LUCAS : That long? LINDSAY : Yeah. We're talking late hours, long nights, heated arguments. It'll probably feel like we're married. That was a joke. LUCAS : It's just been a long day, that's all. LINDSAY : Then you better get some rest, 'cause we start on monday. LUCAS : Hey, Lindsey, wait. I just wanted to say thank you for... changing my life. LINDSAY : That was all you, Lucas. But can I ask you something? LUCAS : Yeah. LINDSAY : The Luke and Peyton in the novel... LUCAS : No. LINDSAY : I'm sorry. I was rooting for them. See you monday. WAITRESS : Excuse me, Mr. Scott. There's someone here to see you. She said to tell you she's from Tree Hill. BROOKE : Well, well. Lucas Scott. LUCAS : You got my message. BROOKE : You think I was gonna miss a chance to spend a night on the town with a soon-to-be-best- selling author? LUCAS : God, it is good to see you, Brooke. BROOKE : Yeah. INTERIOR BROOKE'S HOUSE IN NEW YORK BROOKE : So then my mom moved up here with me from L.A., 'cause my dad travels so much. I think they should just man up and call it what it is... trial separation. I can't believe your book's gonna be published. You're gonna be such a rock star. LUCAS : Come on. You're the one with the big clothing line. BROOKE : True. But my mom thinks we can do better with that, too. Check this out. It's her plans to take Clothes Over Bro's to the next level. We have high-end couture, a cosmetic company, and my own magazine. LUCAS : B. Davis? Hey, wait. You could give my book its first good review. BROOKE : You know, sometimes expanding seems like a good idea, and... sometimes I don't know. It's the most time I've spent with my mom since the maternity ward, but I'm scared if I let her in, Clothes Over Bro's isn't gonna be mine anymore, you know? LUCAS : Yeah. I know what you mean. There's this editor girl... Lindsey. She just wants to make all these changes to my novel. BROOKE : Pretty high-class problems we got. We should be celebrating, not complaining! Where's Peyton? She must be so thrilled for you. LUCAS : We broke up. BROOKE : Shut up. Oh, Luke, I'm sorry. What happened? LUCAS : I went to L.A., I asked her to marry me, and she said no. BROOKE : Are you stupid? You... you stormed L.A., and you went all Naley on her? Did... did you even buy a... (Lucas stands up and open the jewel case) BROOKE : ...ring. Oh LUCAS : She never even saw it. BROOKE : How do you propose to someone without them seeing the ring? (Lucas gets down on one knee) LUCAS : Well, I got down on one knee, and, I said, "I want us to be together forever." (Victoria enters the house and sees Lucas, like proposing to her daughter, she is chocked and drops her bags) BROOKE : Never mind. You definitely did it right. NEW YORK, IN A BAR BROOKE (laughing) : Did you see the look on her face? Looked like somebody spewed on her Jimmy Choos. LUCAS : I'm really glad you're enjoying this. BROOKE : Oh, come on, Luke. You and Peyton will work it out. LUCAS : I don't think so, Brooke. Not this time. BROOKE : Well, it sounds to me like you gave her an ultimatum, and, trust me, there is no quicker way to paralyze a girl. LUCAS : Okay. How many times have you talked to Peyton since you left L.A.? BROOKE : That's not fair. We're both really busy. LUCAS : And today she broke up with her boyfriend. Has she called you yet? Things have changed. BROOKE : I think you're saying that 'cause you're hurt. And I get it, but I don't think you really mean it. You know what? I think we need to get drunk...really, really good and drunk. First, let me see the ring again. I'll give you a designer's opinion. (Lucas gives her the box) BROOKE : I mean, it's really nice. (A waitress sees Brooke with the ring) WAITRESS : Wow. Well, congratulations! Champagne on the house. We have an engagement! BROOKE : No. BROOKE (resigned) : Champagne on the house. (She put the ring on her finger) (Both are laughing) NEW YORK, CENTRAL PARK Brooke and Lucas are walking and they pass a carriage BROOKE : So, who knew that the ring trick would get us free drinks all over midtown? LUCAS : I know. COACHMAN : Can I give you two a ride? LUCAS : Why not? It is our engagement night. COACHMAN : In that case, the ride's free. BROOKE : The diamond ring is gold! They are now inside the carriage COACHMAN : So, what do you two have planned for your lives together? BROOKE : We're gonna be a power couple. He's gonna be a famous novelist, and I'm gonna have a fabulous fashion line. LUCAS : But we're still gonna have time to have a big family. BROOKE : Two boys and a girl. LUCAS : And I'll coach little league. BROOKE : Ooh, and I'll bake treats for the team! Or buy them. LUCAS : Then we'll spend our summer in our beach house. BROOKE : And winters in the south of France. LUCAS : It won't matter where we are, as long as we're together. COACHMAN : That's the key. Success is wonderful, but finding someone to love, having them love you back... love is what it's all about. NEW YORK, LUCAS'S HOTEL ROOM Brooke and Lucas enter the room, Lucas is drunk. BROOKE : All right, boozy. Let's get you to bed. Come on. Here you go. (she puts him on the bed) BROOKE : All right. LUCAS : The bed is spinning. BROOKE : You're gonna be okay. I'm gonna get you into some jammies, and then I'm gonna take a cab home, and you can sleep it off. Come here. LUCAS : Or you could stay. (Lucas grabs her arm and kiss her) BROOKE : Okay. I think that might be the second-stupidest thing you've done in the last 24 hours. Luke, we're not in high school anymore. And I love Peyton. And even if you don't want to admit it right now, so do you. Okay? LUCAS : I feel... lost, Brooke. I don't know what to do without her. BROOKE : All right. You remember when I started Clothes Over Bro's? It was after we broke up, and I was trying to mend my broken heart by focusing on my work. And you need to do the same right now. You need to go out there and become the best person and the best writer that you can be. And then you approach Peyton. And if she comes back to you, you know it's meant to be. Okay? (Brooke takes off the ring and puts it in Lucas' hand) BROOKE : I'm gonna go, and you probably won't see me for a while. Lucas Scott is gonna change the world some day, and he doesn't even know it yet. (she kiss him on the forehead) Bye, Luke. INTERIOR BROOKE'S HOUSE IN NEW YORK VICTORIA : I've been calling you all night. Maybe teen marriage is all the rage in Hicksville, North Carolina. But I swear, if you marry this boy, I'm gonna have annulment papers drawn up so fast... BROOKE : Mom, relax. It was just a joke. VICTORIA : Thank God. You have far too much to lose, Brooke. BROOKE : And Lucas Scott was the one boy I might have lost it for. VICTORIA : You should be focusing on the company... not boys with rings. BROOKE : But what about love, mom? Isn't that the key? VICTORIA : In case you've forgotten, it's called "Clothes Over Bro's". BROOKE : Right. Okay, I'm in. The high-end line, the magazine... I'm ready to take it to the next level. VICTORIA : I am so glad to hear you say that. And I promise you, darling, we are gonna have everything we've ever wanted. And by the way, call me Victoria. That whole "mom" thing just makes me sound too old. NATHAN AND HALEY 'S HOUSE They are playing with Jamie NATHAN : Say it again, buddy. What is this, huh? A ball. Ball. HALEY : See? I'm telling you...the kid's gonna be a rock star ... and a very well-behaved rock star, right? Hey, Jamie. Guitar. Guitar. JAMIE : Ball. HALEY : Oh, that's not fair. "Ball" is so much easier than "guitar." NATHAN : Haley, thank you for supporting me... for helping me get my dream back. I love you so much. HALEY : I love you too. I'm so proud of you. NATHAN : We're gonna make it. And nothing's gonna stop us now, huh, buddy? Is it? Is it, Jamie? HALEY : That's right. NATHAN : Nothing, buddy. HALEY : Everybody pile on daddy! NATHAN : Come on. LINDSAY 'S OFFICE LINDSAY : Hey. Come on in. LINDSAY : What's that? LUCAS : It's a bamboo. It's supposed to bring luck. LINDSAY : Thanks, Lucas. I love it. You know, I'm really looking forward to us working together. LUCAS : Me too. LINDSAY : Have a seat, okay? Be right back. (She left him alone in the office. Lucas takes the jewel case he got in his pocket and looks at the ring...) AND OF THE FLASHBACK, RETURN TO THE PRESENT LUCAS' BEDROOM Lucas closes the same jewel case and put it in his drawer. Lindsay walks in LINDSAY : You still taking a trip down memory lane? LUCAS : Yeah, I guess. LINDSAY : Maybe you should put it on paper. Might make us both some money. LUCAS : Actually... I was thinking about taking a walk. NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Haley's putting some basketball trophy on the shelf NATHAN : What are you doing? HALEY : Oh, just thought it was time to get these out of Jamie's closet. He's proud of his daddy. So am I. NATHAN (looking at one of the trophy) : That's the first Cobras championship. HALEY : Yeah. You were so great in that game. You should never be ashamed of your achievements. NATHAN : The only thing I'm ashamed of is the person I've been for the past few months. That's all gonna change. Hey...I know we're not the couple we used to be. We're gonna get there. I know it. (They kiss) BROOKE AND PEYTON'S HOUSE BROOKE : This is a surprise. What's up? LUCAS : Not much. Is Peyton around? BROOKE : No. I think she's at the studio today. You okay? LUCAS : Yeah. You remember that night in New York? The night I found out my book was published? BROOKE : Sure. It was the same night I went into business with Victoria. LUCAS : You ever wonder if we chose the right paths? BROOKE : Sometimes. But I have all these wonderful things in my life... things I wouldn't have had otherwise. LUCAS : Oh, you're right. I mean, me too. I don't know. BROOKE : Do you want me to tell Peyton you came by? LUCAS : No, that's okay. I'll see you, Brooke. BROOKE : See ya. BROOKE : Luke. LUCAS : Yeah. BROOKE : You still love her, don't you? Peyton. LUCAS : I got to get back to Lindsey. BROOKE : Right. (Lucas closes the door) BROOKE : This is gonna get interesting.

In an episode set three years in the past, Lucas visits Peyton in Los Angeles with an offer that will change their relationship forever. Under pressure from Victoria, Brooke must make a difficult decision about the future of her clothing line. Whitey is concerned when Nathan's temper flares on the night of the college basketball championship. Haley struggles to balance the pressures of school and being a new mom.

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Scene: The apartment kitchen. Penny is cooking breakfast while singing and dancing along to "Man I Feel Like A Woman" by Shenia Twain. Sheldon enters. Penny: Morning, Sheldon. Come dance with me. Sheldon: No. Penny: Why not? Sheldon: Penny, while I subscribe to the many worlds theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing. Penny: Are you fun in any of them? Sheldon: The math would suggest that in a few I'm a clown made of candy. But I don't dance. Penny: All right, want some French toast? Sheldon: It's Oatmeal Day. Penny: Tell you what, next French Toast Day, I will make you oatmeal. Sheldon: Dear Lord, are you still going to be here on French Toast Day? Leonard: Morning. Sheldon: Look, Leonard, Penny made French toast. Leonard: Sorry. I haven't given her your schedule yet. Sheldon: It's an iCal download, she can put it right in her phone. And I thought we agreed that you'd have your conjugal visits in her apartment. Leonard: We did, but there were extenuating circumstances. Sheldon: I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills finally trump her perkiness? Leonard: No, her bed kind of... broke. Sheldon: That doesn't seem likely. Her bed's of sturdy construction. Even the addition of a second normal size human being wouldn't cause a structural failure, much less a homunculus such as yourself. Penny: A homunculus? Leonard: Perfectly formed miniature human being. Penny: Oh, you're my little homunculus. Leonard: Don't do that. Penny: Sorry. Okay, who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar? Sheldon: I want oatmeal. Penny: Yes, well, I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn't a giant pain in the ass. Sheldon: I'm sure that will happen soon enough. But in the meantime, I still want oatmeal. Penny: You know what, I give up. He's impossible. Sheldon: I can't be impossible. I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, "I give up, he's improbable." Leonard: Sheldon, you really need to find a better way of dealing with Penny. Sheldon: What am I supposed to do, eat French toast on a Monday? Now, that would be impossible. Leonard: I'm just saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Sheldon: You can catch even more flies with manure. What's your point? Leonard: It's a... (gives up) Sheldon: Boy, that does smell good. Too bad it's Monday. Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Penny: Okay, so Kim the night manager went on maternity leave, and her husband's name is Sandy, right? So get this, her replacement is a woman named Sandy whose husband's name is Kim. Leonard: Wow! Penny: I know. What are the odds? Sheldon: Easily calculable, we begin by identifying the set of married couples with unisex names. We then eliminate those unqualified for restaurant work, the aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example. Next we look at... Leonard: Sheldon! it's an amazing coincidence, can we leave it at that? Sheldon: I'm sorry. Ooh, Penny, it's as if the Cheesecake Factory is run by witches. Penny: Ooh, Sheldon, it's as if you don't think I'll punch you. Leonard: Come on, you guys, let it go. Penny: Fine, whatever. Are you finished? Sheldon: Well, thank you. How thoughtful. Would you like a chocolate Penny: Um, yeah, sure, thanks. Leonard: What was that? Sheldon: You said be nice to Penny. I believe offering chocolate to someone falls within the definition of nice. Leonard: It does. But in my experience, you don't. Sheldon: There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Leonard: Yeah, yeah, now that's you, obnoxious and insufferable. Howard (arriving, in goth gear): What's going on, day dwellers? Penny: Oh, man, did the Kiss Army repeal don't ask, don't tell? Howard: No. Raj and I are going a goth club in Hollywood to hang with the night people. Anybody want to come along? Penny: Oh, wow, you're actually going out like that? Howard: No, no. I'm going out like this. (Whips off jacket to reveal tattoos up both arms) Leonard: Howard, what did you do? Howard: They're called tattoo sleeves. Look. I bought them online, Raj got a set, too. Fantastic, right? Put them on, have hot s*x with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery. Sheldon: You know, I've always wanted to go to a goth nighclub. Howard: Really? Sheldon: Bazinga! None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you? Howard: Okay, how about you two? Look, I've got some extra tat sleeves. Leonard: Why are you carrying extras? Howard: Well, In case I snag one on someone's nipple ring. Penny: Uh, yeah, I think we'll pass. Howard: Oh, is the missus speaking for the couple now? Leonard: In this case, you bet she is. Howard (after Raj whispers): Yes, she's pushy and yes, he's whipped, but that's not the expression. Come on, I want to stop at Walgreens and pick up some more eyeliner. Leonard: They're gonna get beaten up at that club. Penny: They're gonna get beaten up at Walgreens. Oh, sorry, Sheldon, I almost sat in your spot. Sheldon: Did you? I didn't notice. Have a chocolate. Penny: Thank you. Scene: The goth club. Raj: I think we're fitting in quite nicely. Howard: It'd help if you weren't drinking light beer. Raj: Oh, what's so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice? Howard: Hello, it looks like blood. Did you even read the Wiki How link I sent you on being goth? Raj: No, I'm behind on my wiki-reading I'm kind of on a John Grisham kick right now. Howard: What? Raj: Well, I finished reading The Pelican Brief and loved it so much, I dived right into The Client. He was a lawyer himself so his novels are accurate as well as entertaining. Howard: Just remember we are lost boys, children of the night. Raj: Great. Lost boys, children of the night. Got it. Can you pass the Chex mix, please. Thank you. We are lost boys. Girl: Good for you. Howard: I'm actually much morelost than he is. Girl: Nice ink. Howard: Thanks. Can we buy you ladies a drink? Girl: Two light beers. Raj: Light beers? Well, Wiki-how about that? Second girl: What's your names? Howard: I'm Howard. Raj: Raj. Girl: I'm Bethany. Howard: Nice to meet you, Bethany. Raj: Yes, very nice. Bethany: Nice to meet you too. Second girl: I'm Sarah. Not that anyone cares. Raj: Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham? Scene: The apartment. Penny: What's this cartoon called again? Leonard: Oshikuru: Demon Samurai. Sheldon: And it's not a cartoon, it's anime. Penny: Anime. You know, I knew a girl in high school named Anna May. Anna May Fletcher. She was born with one nostril. Then she had this bad nose job and basically wound up with three. Sheldon: You're here a lot now. Penny: Oh, am I talking too much? I'm sorry. Zip. Sheldon: Thank you. Chocolate? Penny: Yes please. (Her phone rings) Oh. Hey, Kim. Yeah, I... (sees Sheldon looking disapprovingly) You know what, hold on, let me take this in the hall. (Sheldon silently offers her another chocolate. She takes it.) You'll never guess who they got to replace you at work... Leonard: Okay, I know what you're doing. Sheldon: Really? Leonard: Yes, you're using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behaviour. Sheldon: Very good. Chocolate? Leonard: No, I don't want any chocolate! Sheldon, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat. Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can. Leonard: Well, you shouldn't. Sheldon: There's just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren't happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the work of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose. Leonard: No, this has to stop now. Sheldon: I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the "bazinga" was implied. I'm just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges if you will. Leonard: No, you're not sanding Penny. Sheldon: Are you saying that I'm forbidden from applying a harmless, scientifically valid protocol that will make our lives better? Leonard: Yes, you're forbidden. Sheldon (Squirting him with a water spray): Bad Leonard. Scene: The goth club. Bethany: So what do you guys do? Howard: Oh, you know, goth stuff. Goth magazines, goth music. Raj: Goth food. Sarah: What's goth food? Raj: Uh... blackened salmon? Bethany: No, I meant what do you do for jobs? Raj: Oh, we're scientists. Howard: Yeah, you know, the dark sciences. Bethany: What are the dark sciences Raj: Well, I am an astrophysicist and a lot of that takes place at night. When there are vampires and miscellaneous undead out and about. Howard: Oy vay. Raj: That sounds really cool. Howard: Does it? Okay, if you like space stuff, I design components for the international space station. Which is in space. Where, as I'm sure you know, no one can hear you scream. Raj: So what do you gals do? Bethany: I work at the Gap. Howard: Really? How about that? I've been to the Gap. Raj: Yeah, I've been there as well. I like your tee-shirts with the little pocket. Sarah: I work there too. Not that anyone cares. You know, this place is boring. Bethany: Yeah. Why don't we go somewhere else and have some fun? Howard: Okay. Raj: Sure, we like fun. Howard: We are fun people. Raj: Dark and fun. Bethany: Come on, I know a place you'll really dig. Howard: Did you bring the black condoms? Raj: In my fanny pack. Howard: Let's go. Scene: A tattoo parlour. Bethany is getting a tattoo. Raj: Are you happy now? Howard: Not particularly. Scene: The apartment. Penny (voice outside door): Oh' my God, she didn't! Leonard: What could she possibly be talking about for so long? Sheldon: Obviously, waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory is a complex socioeconomic activity, that requires a great deal of analysis and planning. Bazinga! You know, using positive reinforcement techniques, I could train that behaviour out of her in a week. Leonard: No. Sheldon: If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed. Leonard: You're not squirting her in the face with water. Sheldon: No, of course not. We're talking very mild electric shocks. No tissue damage whatsoever. Leonard: Forget it. Sheldon: Oh, come on, you can't tell me that you're not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend. Leonard: I'm not. And Penny's qualities, both good and bad, are what make her who she is. Sheldon: You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon You wouldn't prefer a throaty chuckle? Leonard: You're not changing how Penny laughs. Sheldon: No, that would be incongruous, I was going to lower the whole voice to a more pleasing register. Penny (entering): Uh, sorry guys, that girl is (high pitched) freaky! Sheldon: Come again? Penny (normal voice): Freaky. Sheldon (lower voice): Freaky? Penny (lower voice): Yeah, freaky. Sheldon: Have a chocolate. Penny: Thank you. Scene: The tattoo parlour. Howard is laying down, preparing to have a tattoo on his lower back. Raj: Are you seriously going to deface your body just for the possibility you could have cheap s*x with a strange girl you met in a bar? Howard: Uh, yeah! Raj: What is your mother going to say? Howard: She's not going to see it. She takes my temperature orally now. Bethany: What are you going to get, Howard? Howard: Well, I can't really decide between a screaming devil, this mean little skull or Kermit the Frog. Bethany: Kermit the Frog? Howard: You know (Kermit voice) Hi ho, I'm on Howard's butt! Bethany: Get the mean little skull, and I'll see if I can make him smile. Howard: Yeah, I'd like the mean little skull, please. Sarah: What are you going to get, Raj? Raj: With my luck, hepatitis Tattooist: Okay, here we go. Howard: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Tattooist: That's just rubbing alcohol. Howard: I know, but it was cold. Ow, ow, ow! Tattooist: I'm putting on the stencil. Howard: What comes after the stencil? Tattooist: This. Howard: Aaaaaargh! Okay, that's it, no needle, no pain, no tattoo. Bethany: What's the big deal, you've done this before. Howard: No, I haven't, look. (Rips off tattoo sleeves) I'm sorry, I'm a fraud, he's a fraud. Raj: We're both frauds. Howard: Yeah, I think I covered that. Raj: But I was summing up. Howard: We're not goth, we're just guys. Raj: Very, very smart guys. Bethany: So you were totally scamming us? Howard: Yes. And I wouldn't blame you if you walked out of here and never wanted to see us again. Unless of course our bold honesty has suddenly made us attractive. Bethany: I'm leaving. Sarah: I'm leaving too. Not that anyone cares. Raj: When we tell this story, let's end it differently. Howard: What are you thinking? Maybe a big musical number? Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Well, I'm going to make some warm milk and then turn in. I trust if you two are planning in engaging in amorous activites, you'll keep the decibel level to a minimum. Penny: Of course. Sheldon: Thank you. (Throws a chocolate. Penny catches it in her mouth) Penny: Mmm, these are so good Leonard: Unbelievable. Penny: What? Leonard: I was just thinking, we should probably turn in too. Penny: well, my new bed got delivered, if you come over and put it together, you can stay at my place. Leonard: Really, that's a lot of work, and it's kind of late. Penny: Yeah, but if we stay there, we won't have to be quiet. Leonard: Let's go. Sheldon: Interesting. s*x works even better than chocolate to modify behaviour. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled on to that. Scene: Raj's car. Howard: Okay, wait, how about this? We say there were four goth girls, the two girls in the club had two friends. Raj: I like it, I like it. Did they smell good despite their gothlike nature? Howard: What's that got to do with the story? Raj: Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me. Howard: Fine, they smelled good. Raj: Oh, they did. Like jasmine and honeysuckle. Howard: Whatever. Raj: And then they held hands and did a sexy, demonic hokey-pokey for us. Howard: No, no. Look, let me say my story all the way through, and then you can say yours, and then we'll pick. Raj: I'm sorry. Go on. Howard: Okay. We got tattoos, and then the four girls took us to their place. Raj: But we don't have tattoos. What if someone asks to see our tattoos? Howard: We say they're in a very intimate area. Raj: Oh, we are bad boys, aren't we? Howard: Right, right, so we go back to their place, and then the six of us end up in a hot tub. Raj: But we just got tattoos. Wouldn't we be concerned about bacterial infection? Howard: True. Okay, forget the hot tub. The point is, we each have a m nage with sexy goth girls. Raj: Wow. What a great night. Howard: Yeah. Hey, want to try a country bar tomorrow night. Raj: Yeah, maybe we'll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls. Howard: Could happen. Raj: I wonder how they smell. Series 3 Episode 03 - The Gothowitz Deviation Scene: The apartment kitchen. Penny is cooking breakfast while singing and dancing along to "Man I Feel Like A Woman" by Shenia Twain. Sheldon enters. Penny: Morning, Sheldon. Come dance with me. Sheldon: No. Penny: Why not? Sheldon: Penny, while I subscribe to the many worlds theory which posits the existence of an infinite number of Sheldons in an infinite number of universes, I assure you that in none of them am I dancing. Penny: Are you fun in any of them? Sheldon: The math would suggest that in a few I'm a clown made of candy. But I don't dance. Penny: All right, want some French toast? Sheldon: It's Oatmeal Day. Penny: Tell you what, next French Toast Day, I will make you oatmeal. Sheldon: Dear Lord, are you still going to be here on French Toast Day? Leonard: Morning. Sheldon: Look, Leonard, Penny made French toast. Leonard: Sorry. I haven't given her your schedule yet. Sheldon: It's an iCal download, she can put it right in her phone. And I thought we agreed that you'd have your conjugal visits in her apartment. Leonard: We did, but there were extenuating circumstances. Sheldon: I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills finally trump her perkiness? Leonard: No, her bed kind of... broke. Sheldon: That doesn't seem likely. Her bed's of sturdy construction. Even the addition of a second normal size human being wouldn't cause a structural failure, much less a homunculus such as yourself. Penny: A homunculus? Leonard: Perfectly formed miniature human being. Penny: Oh, you're my little homunculus. Leonard: Don't do that. Penny: Sorry. Okay, who wants syrup and who wants cinnamon sugar? Sheldon: I want oatmeal. Penny: Yes, well, I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn't a giant pain in the ass. Sheldon: I'm sure that will happen soon enough. But in the meantime, I still want oatmeal. Penny: You know what, I give up. He's impossible. Sheldon: I can't be impossible. I exist. I believe what you meant to say is, "I give up, he's improbable." Leonard: Sheldon, you really need to find a better way of dealing with Penny. Sheldon: What am I supposed to do, eat French toast on a Monday? Now, that would be impossible. Leonard: I'm just saying, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Sheldon: You can catch even more flies with manure. What's your point? Leonard: It's a... (gives up) Sheldon: Boy, that does smell good. Too bad it's Monday. Credits sequence. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The apartment. Penny: Okay, so Kim the night manager went on maternity leave, and her husband's name is Sandy, right? So get this, her replacement is a woman named Sandy whose husband's name is Kim. Leonard: Wow! Penny: I know. What are the odds? Sheldon: Easily calculable, we begin by identifying the set of married couples with unisex names. We then eliminate those unqualified for restaurant work, the aged, the imprisoned and the limbless, for example. Next we look at... Leonard: Sheldon! it's an amazing coincidence, can we leave it at that? Sheldon: I'm sorry. Ooh, Penny, it's as if the Cheesecake Factory is run by witches. Penny: Ooh, Sheldon, it's as if you don't think I'll punch you. Leonard: Come on, you guys, let it go. Penny: Fine, whatever. Are you finished? Sheldon: Well, thank you. How thoughtful. Would you like a chocolate Penny: Um, yeah, sure, thanks. Leonard: What was that? Sheldon: You said be nice to Penny. I believe offering chocolate to someone falls within the definition of nice. Leonard: It does. But in my experience, you don't. Sheldon: There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Leonard: Yeah, yeah, now that's you, obnoxious and insufferable. Howard (arriving, in goth gear): What's going on, day dwellers? Penny: Oh, man, did the Kiss Army repeal don't ask, don't tell? Howard: No. Raj and I are going a goth club in Hollywood to hang with the night people. Anybody want to come along? Penny: Oh, wow, you're actually going out like that? Howard: No, no. I'm going out like this. (Whips off jacket to reveal tattoos up both arms) Leonard: Howard, what did you do? Howard: They're called tattoo sleeves. Look. I bought them online, Raj got a set, too. Fantastic, right? Put them on, have hot s*x with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery. Sheldon: You know, I've always wanted to go to a goth nighclub. Howard: Really? Sheldon: Bazinga! None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you? Howard: Okay, how about you two? Look, I've got some extra tat sleeves. Leonard: Why are you carrying extras? Howard: Well, In case I snag one on someone's nipple ring. Penny: Uh, yeah, I think we'll pass. Howard: Oh, is the missus speaking for the couple now? Leonard: In this case, you bet she is. Howard (after Raj whispers): Yes, she's pushy and yes, he's whipped, but that's not the expression. Come on, I want to stop at Walgreens and pick up some more eyeliner. Leonard: They're gonna get beaten up at that club. Penny: They're gonna get beaten up at Walgreens. Oh, sorry, Sheldon, I almost sat in your spot. Sheldon: Did you? I didn't notice. Have a chocolate. Penny: Thank you. Scene: The goth club. Raj: I think we're fitting in quite nicely. Howard: It'd help if you weren't drinking light beer. Raj: Oh, what's so gothic about vodka and cranberry juice? Howard: Hello, it looks like blood. Did you even read the Wiki How link I sent you on being goth? Raj: No, I'm behind on my wiki-reading I'm kind of on a John Grisham kick right now. Howard: What? Raj: Well, I finished reading The Pelican Brief and loved it so much, I dived right into The Client. He was a lawyer himself so his novels are accurate as well as entertaining. Howard: Just remember we are lost boys, children of the night. Raj: Great. Lost boys, children of the night. Got it. Can you pass the Chex mix, please. Thank you. We are lost boys. Girl: Good for you. Howard: I'm actually much morelost than he is. Girl: Nice ink. Howard: Thanks. Can we buy you ladies a drink? Girl: Two light beers. Raj: Light beers? Well, Wiki-how about that? Second girl: What's your names? Howard: I'm Howard. Raj: Raj. Girl: I'm Bethany. Howard: Nice to meet you, Bethany. Raj: Yes, very nice. Bethany: Nice to meet you too. Second girl: I'm Sarah. Not that anyone cares. Raj: Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham? Scene: The apartment. Penny: What's this cartoon called again? Leonard: Oshikuru: Demon Samurai. Sheldon: And it's not a cartoon, it's anime. Penny: Anime. You know, I knew a girl in high school named Anna May. Anna May Fletcher. She was born with one nostril. Then she had this bad nose job and basically wound up with three. Sheldon: You're here a lot now. Penny: Oh, am I talking too much? I'm sorry. Zip. Sheldon: Thank you. Chocolate? Penny: Yes please. (Her phone rings) Oh. Hey, Kim. Yeah, I... (sees Sheldon looking disapprovingly) You know what, hold on, let me take this in the hall. (Sheldon silently offers her another chocolate. She takes it.) You'll never guess who they got to replace you at work... Leonard: Okay, I know what you're doing. Sheldon: Really? Leonard: Yes, you're using chocolates as positive reinforcement for what you consider correct behaviour. Sheldon: Very good. Chocolate? Leonard: No, I don't want any chocolate! Sheldon, you can't train my girlfriend like a lab rat. Sheldon: Actually, it turns out I can. Leonard: Well, you shouldn't. Sheldon: There's just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren't happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the work of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose. Leonard: No, this has to stop now. Sheldon: I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the "bazinga" was implied. I'm just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges if you will. Leonard: No, you're not sanding Penny. Sheldon: Are you saying that I'm forbidden from applying a harmless, scientifically valid protocol that will make our lives better? Leonard: Yes, you're forbidden. Sheldon (Squirting him with a water spray): Bad Leonard. Scene: The goth club. Bethany: So what do you guys do? Howard: Oh, you know, goth stuff. Goth magazines, goth music. Raj: Goth food. Sarah: What's goth food? Raj: Uh... blackened salmon? Bethany: No, I meant what do you do for jobs? Raj: Oh, we're scientists. Howard: Yeah, you know, the dark sciences. Bethany: What are the dark sciences Raj: Well, I am an astrophysicist and a lot of that takes place at night. When there are vampires and miscellaneous undead out and about. Howard: Oy vay. Raj: That sounds really cool. Howard: Does it? Okay, if you like space stuff, I design components for the international space station. Which is in space. Where, as I'm sure you know, no one can hear you scream. Raj: So what do you gals do? Bethany: I work at the Gap. Howard: Really? How about that? I've been to the Gap. Raj: Yeah, I've been there as well. I like your tee-shirts with the little pocket. Sarah: I work there too. Not that anyone cares. You know, this place is boring. Bethany: Yeah. Why don't we go somewhere else and have some fun? Howard: Okay. Raj: Sure, we like fun. Howard: We are fun people. Raj: Dark and fun. Bethany: Come on, I know a place you'll really dig. Howard: Did you bring the black condoms? Raj: In my fanny pack. Howard: Let's go. Scene: A tattoo parlour. Bethany is getting a tattoo. Raj: Are you happy now? Howard: Not particularly. Scene: The apartment. Penny (voice outside door): Oh' my God, she didn't! Leonard: What could she possibly be talking about for so long? Sheldon: Obviously, waitressing at the Cheesecake Factory is a complex socioeconomic activity, that requires a great deal of analysis and planning. Bazinga! You know, using positive reinforcement techniques, I could train that behaviour out of her in a week. Leonard: No. Sheldon: If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed. Leonard: You're not squirting her in the face with water. Sheldon: No, of course not. We're talking very mild electric shocks. No tissue damage whatsoever. Leonard: Forget it. Sheldon: Oh, come on, you can't tell me that you're not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend. Leonard: I'm not. And Penny's qualities, both good and bad, are what make her who she is. Sheldon: You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon You wouldn't prefer a throaty chuckle? Leonard: You're not changing how Penny laughs. Sheldon: No, that would be incongruous, I was going to lower the whole voice to a more pleasing register. Penny (entering): Uh, sorry guys, that girl is (high pitched) freaky! Sheldon: Come again? Penny (normal voice): Freaky. Sheldon (lower voice): Freaky? Penny (lower voice): Yeah, freaky. Sheldon: Have a chocolate. Penny: Thank you. Scene: The tattoo parlour. Howard is laying down, preparing to have a tattoo on his lower back. Raj: Are you seriously going to deface your body just for the possibility you could have cheap s*x with a strange girl you met in a bar? Howard: Uh, yeah! Raj: What is your mother going to say? Howard: She's not going to see it. She takes my temperature orally now. Bethany: What are you going to get, Howard? Howard: Well, I can't really decide between a screaming devil, this mean little skull or Kermit the Frog. Bethany: Kermit the Frog? Howard: You know (Kermit voice) Hi ho, I'm on Howard's butt! Bethany: Get the mean little skull, and I'll see if I can make him smile. Howard: Yeah, I'd like the mean little skull, please. Sarah: What are you going to get, Raj? Raj: With my luck, hepatitis Tattooist: Okay, here we go. Howard: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Tattooist: That's just rubbing alcohol. Howard: I know, but it was cold. Ow, ow, ow! Tattooist: I'm putting on the stencil. Howard: What comes after the stencil? Tattooist: This. Howard: Aaaaaargh! Okay, that's it, no needle, no pain, no tattoo. Bethany: What's the big deal, you've done this before. Howard: No, I haven't, look. (Rips off tattoo sleeves) I'm sorry, I'm a fraud, he's a fraud. Raj: We're both frauds. Howard: Yeah, I think I covered that. Raj: But I was summing up. Howard: We're not goth, we're just guys. Raj: Very, very smart guys. Bethany: So you were totally scamming us? Howard: Yes. And I wouldn't blame you if you walked out of here and never wanted to see us again. Unless of course our bold honesty has suddenly made us attractive. Bethany: I'm leaving. Sarah: I'm leaving too. Not that anyone cares. Raj: When we tell this story, let's end it differently. Howard: What are you thinking? Maybe a big musical number? Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Well, I'm going to make some warm milk and then turn in. I trust if you two are planning in engaging in amorous activites, you'll keep the decibel level to a minimum. Penny: Of course. Sheldon: Thank you. (Throws a chocolate. Penny catches it in her mouth) Penny: Mmm, these are so good Leonard: Unbelievable. Penny: What? Leonard: I was just thinking, we should probably turn in too. Penny: well, my new bed got delivered, if you come over and put it together, you can stay at my place. Leonard: Really, that's a lot of work, and it's kind of late. Penny: Yeah, but if we stay there, we won't have to be quiet. Leonard: Let's go. Sheldon: Interesting. s*x works even better than chocolate to modify behaviour. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled on to that. Scene: Raj's car. Howard: Okay, wait, how about this? We say there were four goth girls, the two girls in the club had two friends. Raj: I like it, I like it. Did they smell good despite their gothlike nature? Howard: What's that got to do with the story? Raj: Engaging my olfactory sense helps make it real for me. Howard: Fine, they smelled good. Raj: Oh, they did. Like jasmine and honeysuckle. Howard: Whatever. Raj: And then they held hands and did a sexy, demonic hokey-pokey for us. Howard: No, no. Look, let me say my story all the way through, and then you can say yours, and then we'll pick. Raj: I'm sorry. Go on. Howard: Okay. We got tattoos, and then the four girls took us to their place. Raj: But we don't have tattoos. What if someone asks to see our tattoos? Howard: We say they're in a very intimate area. Raj: Oh, we are bad boys, aren't we? Howard: Right, right, so we go back to their place, and then the six of us end up in a hot tub. Raj: But we just got tattoos. Wouldn't we be concerned about bacterial infection? Howard: True. Okay, forget the hot tub. The point is, we each have a m nage with sexy goth girls. Raj: Wow. What a great night. Howard: Yeah. Hey, want to try a country bar tomorrow night. Raj: Yeah, maybe we'll get lucky with some sexy cowgirls. Howard: Could happen. Raj: I wonder how they smell.

Penny's bed in her apartment breaks, forcing her to sleep at Leonard and Sheldon's apartment for a few days. Sheldon tries to condition Penny, rewarding with chocolate what he considers to be "correct" behavior. Howard and Raj pretend to be goths to try to meet girls at a goth club, but chicken out when the girls persuade them to get tattoos.

fd_Alias_01x13

fd_Alias_01x13_0

(Sydney hears banging around in the vents. Thinking it's one of Cole's goons, she braces herself... until she sees Jack.) SYDNEY: Dad! What are you doing here? JACK: Just stay there. SYDNEY: No, Dad, don't! JACK: Hold your fire! I'm coming through! I'm coming out! (Jack gets out. Sydney hears him getting punched.) (In SD-6's main part, the goons hold their guns on the agents. Dixon looks over at Marshall, who has blood running down the side of his head.) DIXON: You okay? MARSHALL: Except for my head injury, yeah. (Cole and two goons bring Jack in, his hands behind his back.) COLE: Mr. Cool Customer here was caught crawling around the vents. Sit his butt down. (They put Jack in a chair next to Dixon. Cole talks to FGOON.) COLE: So, how long is it going to take to open the vault? FGOON: The sooner I get started, the sooner I'll know. (They kiss.) COLE: I need, like, awesome good news, baby. FGOON: I know. COLE: Endo, Chen, I'll be in the conversation room. (Jack looks up to the vents, knowing Sydney's somewhere up there.) (In their control room, Sydney comes out of the vents and sees a note left by Jack on top of the monitor.) JACK: (voice over) Follow this map to the three locations where the C-4 explosives are set. You must deactivate all three C-4 packages before the vault door opens. Good luck. (She takes the map and a flashlight and starts.) (FGOON runs in to the vault and sets up her laptop. She starts working on opening it.) (Dixon and Jack whisper to each other.) DIXON: I think I can get to the PDA and e-mail Langley. JACK: You know that's not an option. DIXON: Look, I understand the need for plausible deniability here. JACK: The C.I.A. cannot acknowledge its affiliation with SD-6. DIXON: I know that, but they can't afford to let these people get whatever it is they're here for. JACK: Do nothing. DIXON: The man running this group claims to be a former SD-6 freelancer. He says Sloane left him for dead in Chechnya. He's interrogating Sloane now... maybe killing him. And we're next. JACK: Sydney's in the ducts. DIXON: What? JACK: Failsafe's been activated. If the vault's opened, it'll detonate C-4 charges hidden throughout the building's sublevel. Sydney has a chance to disarm them but only if there are no surprises. DIXON: All the more reason we need to call Langley. Jack, under normal circumstances, you can pull rank. These are not normal circumstances. (Sydney moves down a dark hallway underground, map in her hand. She sees a steel door up ahead.) JACK: (voice over) Each set of C-4 charges are located behind the steel plate at the end of the corridor marked on the map. (She knocks on the steel plate to see if it's hollow or if something's behind it. She sees there are large bolts holding the steel door in place around its perimeter. She sees a fire extinguisher nearby and takes it.) (FGOON is working on the vault. The laptop is hooked up to determine the numbers in the vault. She gets on her radio.) FGOON: Two numbers down, ten to go. (Conversation room, Cole and Sloane.) COLE: Copy that, baby. (He looks at Sloane who is sweating and shaking slightly.) COLE: You know, as bad as you feel right now, with all that pain, that is just the puddin' next to the pie. SLOANE: Mmm... So easy for you to blame me, huh? When you know the truth. You got your own men killed. That helicopter was waiting for you... COLE: I had a man down! I was saving Whitney's life. You know that! SLOANE: Yeah, at the expense of all the other men. Those men counted on you to lead them to safety. They trusted their life to you and you led them to slaughter. (Cole takes a needle from the box and calmly inserts it into Sloane's upper arm. He grunts in pain.) (Sydney sprays the bolt with the fire extinguiser and then knocks it off with the bottom of it. She gets another one sprayed.) (Goons with guns murmur to themselves. Dixon sees his messenger on his desk next to him. He slides it closer to him with the plastic tie on his hands. He hides the messenger under his tie. Jack watches. Dixon turns it on under his tie and starts typing by pressing the buttons on the screen with the plastic tie holding his hands. He types, "I am Marcus Dixon. Agent of SD-6. Employee ID 8736B. We are under attack. Help us.") (Sydney gets another bolt off. Sprays it. Gets it off. She goes to spray another one but runs out of juice in the extinguisher.) SYDNEY: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! (She kicks a shelf next to her, takes two of the steel legs. She then cuts the wire for the security camers above her.) (Control room. A goon walks by and sees the cameras are out.) GOON: Three of the security cameras just lost picture. COLE: Check it out. GOON: Yes, sir. (Sydney uses the wire from the cameras to join the two steel legs together. She makes pliers and starts to turn the last bolt.) (Vaughn's office. Weiss walks in with a sheet of paper in his hand.) WEISS: Okay, you ready for this? Langley general POP server just received an incoming e-mail from SD-6. VAUGHN: From who? Jack? WEISS: No. Not Jack. Dixon. VAUGHN: Why is Dixon sending me e-mail? He doesn't know me. WEISS: He's calling the C.I.A. for help. They're forwarding this message to you. (Vaughn takes it and reads.) VAUGHN: "I am Marcus Dixon. Agent of SD-6... We are under attack, help us"? WEISS: What do you think is going on down there? (In the hallway outside Devlin's office, Vaughn sees Haladki.) HALADKI: Vaughn, hey-- VAUGHN: No, not now! (He walks in Devlin's office with the e-mail.) VAUGHN: Sir, we have a situation. DEVLIN: Mr. Vaughn-- VAUGHN: I really think you should look at this. (He gives him the e-mail.) DEVLIN: You've had a bad day. You better hope this doesn't make it worse. (He reads.) VAUGHN: Look, I know I've been suspended as Sydney Bristow's handler-- (Haladki enters behind them.) VAUGHN: But this message was routed to me. HALADKI: Sir, if you don't mind, may I see the communication please? It is my province, and Vaughn is off the Bristow case. (Devlin hands over the sheet. Haladki looks at Vaughn.) HALADKI: Do we have any independent confirmation? VAUGHN: What, like a dead body? No. DEVLIN: It's a fair question. VAUGHN: No, sir. HALADKI: Any local authorities? Fire, police? VAUGHN: No. HALADKI: Any irregularities at all? VAUGHN: What, you mean other than a desperate message from an agent begging for help? HALADKI: Let me guess. You want to send in an extraction team. VAUGHN: Well, we have to do something! HALADKI: What, like we had to do something at Donatti Park? I think this is Sloane. VAUGHN: What?! HALADKI: I think he's bluffing again, trying to compromise our operation. VAUGHN: By sending C.I.A. into the SD-6 offices? What, are you nuts? HALADKI: Sloane is bold like that, and you are reactive! VAUGHN: Sir, why is he even in this office? DEVLIN: We wait for now. VAUGHN: But, sir-- DEVLIN: We wait. Is that understood? (Sydney unscrews the bolt with the help of her new pliers.) (Vaughn walks down a hallway in the C.I.A., walking to his locker. Weiss trails behind.) WEISS: Go back to Devlin's office without Haladki and convince him on your own. VAUGHN: There's no convincing Devlin. WEISS: You can't go down there by yourself! VAUGHN: Look, I have a friend who's a cop. He went down to the lobby. The guard told him the bank closed early. WEISS: And maybe it did. VAUGHN: I would've known about it! WEISS: And what if there has been a takeover? (Vaughn gets his gun out of his locker and loads it. He takes it with him.) VAUGHN: If I'm not back in a couple of hours, I'm probably dead. WEISS: Good to know. (Sydney takes off the last bolt and removes the steel door, putting it aside. She enters and sees the C-4.) (FGOON is at work in the vault.) FGOON: That's five. (In the conversation room.) COLE: Copy that, baby. Well... it's almost over. (Sydney inspects the C-4. It's enormous, formed like pillars. She takes a look at the deactivation panel on the package and cuts through the plastic that's covering it. She hears radio static and looks up. Down the hall, the goon from the control room is walking with his gun cocked and his flashlight. Sydney hides behind a corner, waiting 'til he gets closer. She kicks him twice. She punches him. He blocks her punch. She grabs his arm with the gun, twists it over his head and elbows him in the back. He blocks her punch. She does a roundhouse kick in the gut, and he falls back to the ground.) (Vaughn enters the Credit Dauphine parking garage and sees the gate doors are closed. He gets a splicer card out from his jacket pocket, inserts it in the security stand. The gate doors open. Vaughn hesitantly walks through, all alone. He spots Sydney's SUV. When he comes up behind it, the driver in the McTiernan van spots him. He puts out his cigarette and cocks his gun. Vaughn puts his hand on the hood of Sydney's vehicle to feel if it's warm and sees the driver in the van watching him. Vaughn sees the vent that they welded off, and realizes that's how they entered the building. He walks towards the van and pulls out his badge/ID.) VAUGHN: I'm a federal officer! Step out of the car, please. I'd like to ask you a few questions. DRIVER: No problem. (Once he opens the door and slides out of his seat, Vaughn sees his gun and kicks the van door. The van door hits the driver. He stumbles back against the van. Vaughn pulls out his gun and points it at him but the driver kicks it away, then punches Vaughn in the stomach. He grunts and doubles over. The driver grabs Vaughn and pushes him up against the side of the van. They struggle. Vaughn has the driver by the throat. Driver takes out a gun but Vaughn flips them and has the driver against the van. They struggle for the gun. It goes off and the driver slumps to the ground. Vaughn looks around, making sure no one saw.) (Haladki's office. A secretary enters.) SECRETARY: Have you seen Mr. Weiss? I have Mr. Vaughn calling for him. HALADKI: (smiles) I'll take the call. (He picks up the receiver.) HALADKI: Extraction Teams "R" Us? (Vaughn is in the garage on his cell phone.) VAUGHN: Haladki, where's Weiss? HALADKI: Probably out getting another pizza. VAUGHN: The confirmation you wanted. I got it. I'm at SD-6 right now. HALADKI: You're at SD-6?! VAUGHN: Did you hear what I said? HALADKI: That's a massive breach of protocol! VAUGHN: Screw protocol! HALADKI: Devlin specifically told you to wait! VAUGHN: The break-in is confirmed. Check with the duty officer. It's probably Bendis. Tell him to send in a team. They can get in the garage using a standard card splicer. HALADKI: You're finished, you know that? VAUGHN: Just DO IT! (Vaughn hangs up.) (Sydney is staring at the C-4, trying to work on it. The goon she took down's walkie talkie is at her feet. Suddenly Cole's voice can be heard from it.) COLE: Chen, hey, what's up? Where are we? I need status. (Sydney grabs it and runs down the hall where she tied up the goon. She rips off the tape from his mouth and twists his crotch.) GOON: AHHH! SYDNEY: Tell him everything's cool. You're still checking it out. COLE: Chen, where the hell are you, man? SYDNEY: Do it! GOON: Screw you. (She grabs him by the shirt and throws him against the wall.) SYDNEY: I'm disappointed! (She punches him.) (Francie and Sydney's. Francie sits at the table figuring out the seating plan for the wedding. Mini-tables are sitting on sheets of paper. Knock on the door. She opens it. Will stumbles in.) WILL: Being a reporter sucks. Can I just establish that? FRANCIE: Okay... WILL: Hi. FRANCIE: Hi, and what have you been drinking? WILL: Uh, I don't know... (Opens the fridge, looking for alcohol.) WILL: There was a little horse on the label. A dog. I don't know. A doghorse. I think. Some kind of mythical creature condemned to live in a bottle for eternity. It's a doghorse. A doghorse. (He stumbles over to the table, sits next to Francie and picks up one of the mini-tables.) WILL: Oh, did I mention that my life sucks? Did I mention that? (Francie takes the table back.) FRANCIE: The Rileys forgive you. It's the seating arrangement for the wedding. WILL: My God, that's so normal. Your life is so normal, Fran. Sydney's life is normal. I mean, kind of. Outside from her obsession with the bank. But my life is just not normal. This story I'm working on is about this guy and he's in jail and his wife committed suicide. And it's just... it's just very suspicious. This guy's been totally set-up. I mean, he's a good guy, apparently. He's got, like, no criminal record. Well, he's got two speeding tickets in his life. In his life! I mean, he's been in jail for, like, eight years already. And he's got another eight years to go. So I went to see him. 'Cause I thougth that maybe I could shed some light on the thing, maybe I could research and write an article that might, you know, do some justice but... he was so scared, man. He had this look in his eyes. It was like... horror. I stopped doing the story. I figured, it's his life, he wants to make his own decisions, you know? FRANCIE: Yeah... WILL: And then his kid comes to see me. FRANCIE: His kid? WILL: His kid. And she begged me to help her and she was so desperate. And then I got this key. (Takes it out of his pocket and puts it on the table.) WILL: Pier 19, number 305. I don't know. FRANCIE: What's there? WILL: I... I don't know. FRANCIE: How'd you get it? WILL: I don't want to tell you. FRANCIE: Why? WILL: Francie, it's very dangerous. FRANCIE: (laughs) Okay. WILL: Francie, I'm serious. FRANCIE: Well, if I were you and I thought I might be able to help somebody, I would. (Cole walks in the area outside the vault where FGOON is still working on cracking the code.) COLE: Have you seen Chen? FGOON: Not lately. COLE: I feel like I'm a mom at the mall! He said he was going down to the sub-basement. I don't know if his walkie's not working, if he's on a coffee break-- FGOON: Five numbers down, seven to go. The code program's working. I'll go get him. COLE: Who is more tought-assed than you, huh? Who? Nobody, baby! (A very tough-assed Sydney walks down the hall. She's about to come to a door to go back to the C-4 when she sees someone on the other side is opening it. She hides behind the door, sees that this someone is entering with his gun pointed. Seeing the gun, she grabs this stranger's arm and flips him. Vaughn rolls on the ground, gets into a shooting stance with his gun pointed. Sydney flops over against the wall and points her gun at him. Then they both realize.) SYDNEY: What the hell are you doing here? VAUGHN: Dixon contacted us. What the hell's going on? SYDNEY: Dixon contacted you? VAUGHN: Not directly. Through Langley. Said SD-6 was under attack. Are you okay? SYDNEY: It's true. There's a team of six, maybe seven. They've got the latest military specs. They're after something in the vault. VAUGHN: I know. I took one of them out in the garage. SYDNEY: Russian accent? VAUGHN: Yeah. I was thinking K-Directorate. SYDNEY: I don't think so. I don't think they'd do something as wild as this. VAUGHN: Then who? SYDNEY: I don't know. But right now, what do you know about deactivating C-4? (At the C-4 pillar, Vaughn and Sydney are both looking at the deactivation panel.) VAUGHN: There's got to be two hundred pounds in here. Damn. That's enough to level the building. SYDNEY: It's a failsafe. Sloane has three of these-- VAUGHN: Three?! SYDNEY: --rigged to the vault. If the vault doors open, they all blow. VAUGHN: Maybe they shouldn't open the vault. SYDNEY: "They" being the six men with machine guns? VAUGHN: How long before they hack the code? SYDNEY: Soon. Did you study bomb defusion at Langley? VAUGHN: Just seminars, though. Nothing field-specific. SYDNEY: Does anyone ever learn anything in seminars? VAUGHN: Let's just take this one step at a time. This is a charge of C-4. I can tell, 'cause it says "C-4" everywhere. SYDNEY: There are eight black and yellow wires and six red, blue and black. Which of these fourteen wires do we cut? VAUGHN: Maybe none. What are those prisms? SYDNEY: I don't know. But there might be more than one lead spliced to the firing mechanism. VAUGHN: That pin... SYDNEY: Where? VAUGHN: Right there in the back. SYDNEY: What is it? VAUGHN: It's a crystal. That thing is a radio receiver. That's probably how opening the vault triggers the C-4. SYDNEY: So all we have to do is pull out the crystal? (Vaughn takes a pair of pliers - not homemade this time - and tries to do it.) SYDNEY: Wait. No, it can't be this easy. VAUGHN: What, you think there's a tamper alarm? SYDNEY: Or a second trigger. (Vaughn takes something out and sprays the area. Red lasers criss-cross around the pin they have to take out.) SYDNEY: Now we know what the prisms are for. Spray it again. (He does.) VAUGHN: You know, I think I can pull out the crystal without touching the lasers. SYDNEY: You want me to do it? My hands are pretty skinny. VAUGHN: Well, so are mine. (Embarrassed smile. Beat. He gives the pliers to her.) SYDNEY: One more spray on three. VAUGHN: One... SYDNEY: Two... VAUGHN: Three. (He sprays it. Sydney takes it out.) VAUGHN: (deep breath) One down. SYDNEY: We better get going. (A gun cocks behind them. Vaughn and Sydney turn to see FGOON with a gun pointed at them.) (Down a hall, Vaughn and Sydney have their hands up behind their head. FGOON walks behind them with a gun pointed at their backs. They come to a room.) FGOON: Inside! Over there! (Sydney and Vaughn head over to one side. FGOON gives Sydney a plastic tie.) FGOON: Tie his hands! (Vaughn puts his wrists together. Sydney gives him a look, and then a slight nod. Sydney whirls around and throws the plastic tie in FGOOn's face. When she turns her head, Vaughn grabs her gun and Sydney takes out her own gun. They point both guns at FGOON. She goes for a gun on her leg.) VAUGHN: Don't! (to Sydney) Why don't you tie her up? (Sydney moves to do so.) FGOON: Wait! SYDNEY: Shut up. FGOON: (British accent) I'm British SIS! For the past year, I've been on covert duty trying to penetrate Cole's intelligence network! VAUGHN: Cole? SYDNEY: McKenas Cole. Former SD-6. Now he works for a third-party. A new player on the scene. Someone he calls The Man. FGOON: SIS has been trying to identify The Man for the past three years! SYDNEY: Give me your tie. VAUGHN: My tie? (He starts taking it off. Sydney has FGOON's arms tied behind her back and takes Vaughn's tie for FGOON's mouth.) FGOON: And if this mission's a success, Cole will trust me enough to tell me who The Man is. VAUGHN: So what's in the vault? FGOON: I don't know. None of us do. But it has to do with someone named Rambaldi. Look, if you don't let me go, Cole will send someone looking for me! He'll know there's someone else here and they'll find you. VAUGHN: And if we let you go and you're lying, you'll make sure that happens. FGOON: When they find me I'll tell them there's only one of you. (Sydney puts it over her mouth and ties it tight.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Pier 19. Will walks around until he sees the lockers. He opens locker 305 with the key. A plain white envelope is inside the locker. He takes it out -- "Pathology Report" is written on it. He looks through it. It's an autopsy report for Karen McNeil, including graphic autopsy photos.) (Sydney and Vaughn walk down a hall. Sydney points to the map.) SYDNEY: The other packages are here and here. VAUGHN: All right. We'll split up and each take one. SYDNEY: The explosives are located behind steel plats that are bolted to the walls. VAUGHN: Which you opened by yourself? SYDNEY: There are fire extinguishers at regulation points. Find one. Use the C02 to freeze the bolts. But go easy or you'll run out. VAUGHN: Here. (He gives her the spray. She waves him off and rips the map in two.) SYDNEY: I memorized the laser grid. Here. (gives him the map) Your C-4 is located along this corridor. You cross through engineering sublevel over to electrical. It's far, so run. VAUGHN: The storage room where I got in. That's where we'll meet. SYDNEY: Then maybe we can go to that hockey game. VAUGHN: (small smile) Maybe. Be careful. SYDNEY: You, too. (They both run off in different directions.) (Weiss enters Haladki's office.) WEISS: I understand you took a call from Vaughn. HALADKI: Uh, yeah, now that you mention it... WEISS: A call he made to me. What did he say? HALADKI: I don't know. It was a bad connection. WEISS: Did he confirm the attack? HALADKI: He was hysterical, per usual. (Weiss starts to leave.) HALADKI: I wouldn't read much into it! (Vaughn sprays the bolt. Hits it. Sprays. Hits it. Sprays. Hits it.) (Endo doing patrol. Walkie-talkie.) COLE: Chen, Tony, does anyone copy? ENDO: Cole, this is Endo. COLE: Endo! This has got to stop. Look, you find Tony, you find Chen, you find the problem and you FIX IT! (Syd freezes the bolt. Vaughn sprays, hits, sprays, hits. Syd sprays, hits, sprays, hits. Endo finds FGOON and runs to take the tie off her mouth. Vaughn takes off the steel door and goes inside. Endo starts untying FGOON's hands.) ENDO: How many were there? FGOON: One. Only one. (Vaughn sprays the prisms, sees the lasers, takes a deep breath, and starts going in with the pliers. He sprays and sprays. Gets closer... he has the pin... and takes it out. He sighs. Sydney sprays and just as she's about to hit the bolt off, she hears a thud somewhere. She stops. Down the hall, Endo has a heartbeat detector in his hands and it beeps. He comes closer. The heartbeat is standing still. He spots a tall closet with its doors closed -- someone's inside. He takes out his gun and fires a half a dozen times. In SD-6, Jack and Marshall hear the gunshots. Endo opens the door and the goon who Sydney took down earlier who caught her via the security camers with tape over his mouth falls out of the closet, dead. Cole's in the conversation room. He gets on his walkie-talkie.) COLE: Endo? Endo, Chen? Somebody, come in! Who the hell's shooting? ENDO: Cole... Chen's dead. COLE: Well, who the hell killed him? ENDO: ...I did. (Sydney comes from behind and kicks him. Cole can hear the punches and kicks through his walkie.) COLE: Endo? Endo? ENDO? (Cole gets up and leaves. Sloane slowly smiles.) (Sydney is running back to her C-4. Vaughn is running. They both stop when they hear Cole. He flicks on the intercom switch on Sloane's phone and begins talking.) COLE: Dear person beating up my men: I assume that you're an employee here. I am now standing in Sloane's... tastefully minimilastic office and if you are not here standing in front of me in the next twenty seconds, I am going to start executing your friends. Starting with the man that I assume to be your partner... (He reads a piece of ID.) COLE: ...Mr. Jack Bristow. (Jack stands in the office, staring at Cole coldly. Sydney leans against the wall.) (Vaughn enters the control room where Sydney and Jack once were. He sees the monitor and the wires, puts two and two together. He starts flicking through the camera angles.) (In Sloane's office, a goon has a gun pointed to Jack's head. Sydney walks in, her hands up.) SYDNEY: I'm here. COLE: You're the bad ass that's been killing my men? I don't know, I just kind of thought you'd be an ugly guy. Step in, girlie. (Vaughn clicks from camera to camera and sees Sydney with her arms up.) VAUGHN: Damn it! (Vaughn sprints down a hall.) (Out by everyone else who is still tied up, Chopper has a gun pointed at Sydney.) COLE: Get her bag. Search her good and tight. (Chopper empties her bag on the ground. FGOON talks on a walkie-talkie to Cole.) FGOON: Seven numbers locked, five to go! COLE: If she moves a muscle, you drill her! (Sydney looks at Jack. He mouths, "Did you get it?" She shakes her head.) (At the C.I.A., Weiss walks down a hallway with a couple of agents.) WEISS: I want LAPD notified, roadblocks at appropriate intersections and an ambulance standing by. SECRETARY: Weiss, you've got a call. WEISS: Not now! SECRETARY: It's Vaughn. Line three. (Weiss picks it up.) WEISS: Talk to me. VAUGHN: Where the hell are you? (Vaughn's underground somewhere, on his cell.) WEISS: We're on our way. VAUGHN: The place is wired to blow. Three packages of C-4. We deactivated two. Sydney was supposed to deactivate the third. I don't know if she did. WEISS: Okay. Can you get to it? VAUGHN: I don't know where it is! They've got everyone. Including Sydney. As soon as they open the vault, the C-4 is going to go off. WEISS: How soon is that? VAUGHN: Soon. Hurry up. (Weiss hangs up. Haladki walks up.) HALADKI: What the HELL is going on? WEISS: If I find out that you screwed Vaughn, you do understand that your ass is mine. HALADKI: I'm not scared of you. WEISS: Well, you should start being scared of me. (Cole is walking alone. He stops and smiles. Then he turns back. In Sloane's office, Sydney is sitting on a chair, her arms tied behind her. A goon has a gun pointed at her head. Cole comes in with a bottle of champagne.) COLE: You know, a lot of guys... it's their socks. Or their piece. Their gun, bullets, custom hollow tips. But for me, I have always sucked my luck from a bottle of champagne. I bring one with me every job. (He pops it and takes a swig.) COLE: Mmm mmm mmm mmm! Would you care for some? (She looks away. Cole yanks her back by her hair and shoves the bottle in her mouth. Some dribbles out. She gives him a dirty look and swallows.) COLE: You don't remember, do you? I didn't at first either. We've met before. It was about five years ago, here at SD-6. Which was really rare for me, 'cause I was a freelancer but I was here. And I saw you in the coffee room. You were wearing pigtails and I asked you out. Now, I know I'm not the subtlest guy when it comes to women and I probably said something insanely inappropriate because you told me if I ever talked to you again, you'd break my kneecaps. (beat) Which just made me love you. I've thought about you these last five years. I have. Uh, just every once in a while I'd think, "I wonder whatever happened to Pigtails." And, um, what I took away from that encounter in the coffee room was the fact that you didn't want to go see some mediocre romantic comedy with me, sit in my Pontiac in the parking lot, while we talked for an hour before I made my move. You didn't want to kiss me. Remember? SYDNEY: No, I don't. But I can see not wanting to kiss you. COLE: Well, you make bad choices. Yeah, you didn't wnat to kiss me but working for a scumbag like Sloane, that's all right by you, huh? Let me tell you something about that weasel boss of yours. He will disappoint you. And one day, and I hope to God I'm here when that day happens, you will hate him. (She looks away. Little does he know, she already does hate Sloane. He takes another swig of champagne.) COLE: It was good to see you in the office again, Pigtails. I know you didn't want to kiss me, but when I was taking a hit off that bottle before? I backwashed in it. I mean, like, really big-time. See ya! (Restaurant. In the kitchen, Will meets up with Kelly who works there.) KELLY: I didn't think you'd come. WILL: I know. I know. Me neither. Yeah, well, look. I made sure I wasn't followed. I took, like, two cabs and a bus just to get here and I wore this thing the whole time... I looked like Gabe Caplan. KELLY: Who's that? WILL: Doesn't matter. Are you sure you still want to do this? KELLY: You know I do. WILL: Okay. You've got to give this to your dad, then. KELLY: What is it? WILL: I don't want you to look at it. KELLY: At least tell me what it is. WILL: It's an autopsy. Your mother's autopsy. I mean, there are some photographs in there that you're not going to want to see, okay? KELLY: Okay. WILL: Do you understand? KELLY: Yeah. WILL: Okay. What you said to me about going away... if your father's going to pursue this, you have got to do that. (She nods. He pats her shoulder and walks away.) (Conversation room. Cole enters.) COLE: Hey, do you remember Griff? That big guy? Well, the MVDs, they worked him over really hard. They had straps with blades in them. These tricky glass syringes. Acid. They were really creative. But he didn't go down. Not until the opened the box. It took him about three needles and his heart gave out. SLOANE: How many did you take? COLE: I want to hear you scream. (He takes a needle out and calmly puts it in Sloane's neck. He gasps in pain.) COLE: Just the way Griff did. Scream for me. (Sloane looks at him.) SLOANE: They broke you, didn't they? They made you beg! COLE: Don't you wish. (FGOON walks in.) FGOON: Only one number left. SLOANE: "Please, sir, I can't take anymore!" Isn't that what you said to them? COLE: Do you know how many more needles I have here, huh? SLOANE: Isn't that what you said to them? You cried for mercy! FGOON: Let's go! COLE: That is NOT what happened! FGOON: The vault's almost open! SLOANE: You wept like a baby! COLE: That is NOT WHAT HAPPENED! SLOANE: Like a little baby! FGOON: We have to go! COLE: That is NOT! WHAT! HAPPENED! Shut up! FGOON: Come on! COLE: Shut up! FGOON: Cole, come on! COLE: Shut UP! (He turns and shoots her twice. FGOON gasps and twitches, sliding down to the ground. Cole runs over to her.) COLE: Baby? Baby? (She's dead. Cole fixes his tie.) COLE: I have to go to the vault. (Chopper and another goon have their guns pointed at everyone. Sydney now sits right where Chopper emptied her bag on the ground. Marshall looks and sees the ring she lifted in the last episode from his office right by her. He gets her attention with his eyes and motions over to the ring, then at chopper. She looks down at the ring.) (Cole walks to the vault.) COLE: Chopper? I want you to kill 'em all. (Chopper and his other goon start ushering everyone to one side.) CHOPPER: Back up! All of you, up against the wall! NOW! All of you! (Marshall is trying to get Sydney's attention, trying to tell her what to do with the ring.) MARSHALL: Lisbon! SYDNEY: What? MARSHALL: Last July! (He's pushed against the wall with everyone else. Sydney grabs the ring just as Chopper grabs her, stands her up with everyone else.) GOON1: NOW! Get up against the wall, come on! CHOPPER: Don't look at me like that! You heard him, against the wall now! (Sydney takes the ring, unhooks it, and throws it at the goon. A small explosion goes off. One of the goons falls, dead. Sydney starts fighting, her hands still tied behind her back, with Chopper. She kicks him high in the gut. Dixon takes his gun behind his back and shoots him. Chopper falls. Everyone starts gathering around, untying each other.) SYDNEY: Can you shut off the failsafe? JACK: No, only Sloane can do that! SYDNEY: (untying Jack) I'm going to the vault! DIXON: I'm going with you. SYDNEY: Dixon, you just had surgery! DIXON: I'll meet you there! (He runs.) (Conversation room. Jack runs in and starts plucking the needles out of Sloane.) JACK: Arvin! Did you execute the failsafe? SLOANE: Yes. JACK: We need to deactivate it. SLOANE: Are they still in the building? JACK: Only one left. (takes out needle) SLOANE: I won't let anyone in the vault... JACK: Sydney's going to stop them. SLOANE: Is Sydney here? JACK: How do I shut off the failsafe? SLOANE: The override is a keypad in my office but it's biometric. It won't deactivate without my fingerprint. (Jack tries prying off the steel bars around Sloane's wrists with a bar from the table.) SLOANE: Oh, come on, Jack! It's going to take hours to get my hands out of here! JACK: Ugh! SLOANE: Marshall has a device that can duplicate fingerprints but we haven't got the time! You could take my fingerprint. Jack, take my right index fingerprint. (Jack stares at him.) SLOANE: Just take it! (Jack gets a rubber hose and ties it around Sloane's wrist so no major blood is lost.) SLOANE: Right... index... (Jack takes a pair of pinchers. Sloane looks away. Snap. Sloane gasps and shakes in pain.) (Cole applies Chapstick and waits for the laptop to hack the code. The code is finished. He stands up, claps his hands together.) COLE: Yes! (Dixon is behind him. He punches Cole. Cole punches Dixon three times in the gut, and he falls. Sydney comes in.) COLE: Lookin' for me? (She kicks and misses. He blocks her punches. He punches her in the stomach. She grunts.) COLE: Oooh! Felt that one, didn't ya? Kickboxer, eh? I love me some kickboxers! (They fight. She punches him. He throws her against the wall.) COLE: I got your kicks! And I got your moves. Bring it on! (She kicks and misses. She hits him. He punches her twice. She kicks him. He punches her.) COLE: See, the problem with you kickboxers, ain't none of y'all can take a punch! (He punches her one final time. She falls to the floor. The panel to the vault behind him reads "Access Granted.") COLE: Oooohhh yessiree! (Jack runs through SD-6 with the finger in a cloth. He runs in Sloane's office and starts typing. He takes out the finger. Down in the vault, Cole gets ready to enter. Jack presses the finger to the keypad. "Failsafe Deactivated." Cole goes in the vault and looks around. He pries off a panel and reaches in for a silver box, about the size of a ring box. On the top is the Rambaldi sign . He walks out as Sydney comes to. In the parking garage, Cole jumps in the McTiernan van and sees the dead driver that Vaughn shot. He takes over the driving. He climbs in the front seat and takes off. Up ahead, a van is parked and four agents, two of which are Weiss and Vaughn, have their guns pointed at the van wearing bullet-proof vests. They shoot several times at the windshield. Sydney comes in the parking garage and sees Cole running out the back of the van. He runs. Sydney runs after him. Sydney kicks and punches him twice. She elbows him in the neck. Roundhouse kick. He falls to the ground on his stomach.) SYDNEY: I think you're right. Taking a punch is something I got to learn how to do. (She kicks him in the head. Blood comes out of his mouth. Vaughn and Weiss run up. Vaughn takes her aside.) VAUGHN: What's happening downstairs? SYDNEY: I think everything's taken care of. We got lucky. VAUGHN: Get my guys out of here. SD-6 will never know we were here. SYDNEY: Then you should go. VAUGHN: Are you okay? SYDNEY: Yeah. Thanks for coming. (Weiss walks up with the silver box.) WEISS: He had this. (He gives it to Vaughn then looks at Sydney.) WEISS: Hey. SYDNEY: Hi. (Vaughn opens it. A vile of liquid is inside.) SYDNEY: What is that, perfume? VAUGHN: Whatever it is, we have it now and they don't. Because of you. SYDNEY: Not just me. VAUGHN: Because of you. SYDNEY: Well, it'd better be good perfume. VAUGHN: I'm not kidding. Think about it. What you do. Hockey can wait. I don't think what you're doing here can. WEISS: Let's go, let's go. VAUGHN: Okay. (to Sydney) Bye. SYDNEY: Bye. (Inside SD-6, everyone gathers around. Hugs. They pick up fallen chairs. Sydney shakes hands and hugs someone. Sloane stands against the wall, a bloody cloth around his hand, and watches everyone. Dixon hugs Sydney. She sees Sloane and goes to him.) SYDNEY: Are you all right? SLOANE: None of us are. What happened here tonight is... this is unacceptable. The people who did this... we're going to find them and retrieve what they've taken. Even then... this has changed everything. (Marshall walks up with a thermos.) MARSHALL: Sir, I, uh, I got the digit right here and the medics are on their way. SLOANE: Thanks, Marshall. MARSHALL: (to Sydney) Hey, Sloane gave me the finger. (He chuckles and walks off. A man comes and gets Sloane.) SYDNEY: Okay? SLOANE: Yeah... (He leaves. Jack goes to Dixon.) JACK: You okay? DIXON: I sent the e-mail to Langley... but I guess it didn't go through. JACK: It's okay. You did a good job. (Sydney goes to Jack.) JACK: This morning, before all this, you wanted to talk to Sloane. What did you tell him? SYDNEY: I told him that I'd see him tomorrow. Thank you.

Vaughn disobeys orders and attempts to help Sydney and Jack avert the destruction of SD-6 headquarters and all its occupants. Meanwhile, McKenas Cole continues his vendetta against Sloane searching for a mysterious device. The daughter of David McNeil, a convict condemned to life for an affair having to do with SD-6, convinces Will to continue his investigation and help her imprisoned father. Vaughn helps Sydney out of SD-6 and they recover what Cole was there to get, a mysterious vial of liquid with the inscription <O>, a recurring symbol found in Rambaldi's inventions and manuscripts.

fd_Frasier_05x01

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[Act One] STRANGERS ON A PLANE [Scene One - Interior Of A Plane. Frasier is sat with the woman from "Odd Man Out", Joanne] Joanne: Well, I should warn you. If we hit turbulence, I may hold on to you for dear life. Frasier: I should warn you, I'm hoping for a bumpy ride! Joanne: Why are you going to Acapulco? Frasier: Actually, it's rather an amusing story. You see, I came down to the airport on sort of a blind date with a cello player. Of course, she didn't know it was a blind date, actually, it was all in my head. [laughs] But, er, so I bumped into you and you said you were going to Acapulco, I thought I might tag along. Joanne: So, the only reason you're on this plane is because of me? Frasier: Call it Kismet. Joanne: [to one of the cabin crew] Can I switch seats? Crew: You're lucky, normally this flight is jammed. [She goes to the back of the plane] Frasier: See, Kismet! [A woman sitting behind him, Felicity, peeks her head over and talks to Frasier] Felicity: I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I have to say, I'd be flattered if someone got on a plane to be with me. Frasier: Really? Felicity: Yeah, I mean what can be more romantic than that? Frasier: You know, it's a little awkward trying to talk like this. Is that seat taken? Felicity: No, come sit here, please. [Frasier moves into the seat next to the woman] Frasier: At last. I'm Frasier Crane. Felicity: Felicity Stafford. Frasier: It's a pleasure. Felicity: And this is my husband, David. [Frasier looks over at the man in the seat next to him ominously. David looks displeased to say the least] Frasier: Oh, darn! I forgot to order my kosher meal. So sorry. It was lovely meeting you both. [Frasier gets up and moves toward the front of the plane where a member of the cabin crew directs him to another seat on an empty row. He takes the window seat, thanking the stewardess. He picks up a copy of the in-flight magazine as another woman, Kelly, is directed to a seat on his row] Kelly: Oh, thank God the flight's late, I was sure I'd missed it. [sits, to stewardess:] Thank you. [Frasier and Kelly nod at each other. Frasier keeps looking over at her and seems to be comparing her to somebody in the magazine] Kelly: [realises] Yes, it's me. Amazing what they can do with make- up and lighting. Frasier: Yes, it is amazing. [realises what he has said] Not that they didn't have plenty to work with. [digging himself into a hole] Oh, by plenty, I don't mean anything referring to... well... [holds his breast] ...here, you just stay right here, I'll change seats. Kelly: No, no, wait. Your voice sounds really familiar. Frasier: I'm Dr. Frasier Crane from the radio. [shakes hand] Kelly: [shakes hand] Kelly Easterbrook, from the magazine. [laughs] Frasier: [laughs] Well, I'm assuming that you're off to a photo shoot on the beaches of Mexico. Kelly: No, actually, I only model part-time these days. I'm in a PhD department with the University of Washington. Frasier: What's your field? Kelly: Zoology. That's why I'm going to Mexico, to observe the spiny cald iguana. Frasier: [amazed] A model and a scholar. This is the part where I normally wake up. [We then cut to Frasier waking up as if it was all a dream. However the camera pulls back to show him in bed in Acapulco with Kelly Easterbrook in his arms. He kisses her forehead and goes back to sleep with pride] [Scene Two - Acapulco Hotel Room. Kelly and Frasier are waking up in each other's arms] Frasier: I know what you're thinking. Kelly: Hmmm? Frasier: Last night, walking along the beach when we kicked off our shoes and looked up at the amazing blanket of stars... Kelly: Actually, I was remembering when that iguana ran across my foot and you jumped into my arms. Frasier: Yes, that too. You're really quite strong. Kelly: I am a supermodel! So, Frasier, any chance you'd be interested in seeing more of me? Frasier: There's more?! [beat] Of course, of course, I was hoping we would. Kelly: Well, that's great. Actually, there's one thing I should mention. It's a little awkward. Frasier: What is? Kelly: Well, I'm in the process of breaking up with someone; he plays for the Seahawks and we're always in the public eye, these things have a way of getting out. I'd appreciate it if just for now you didn't tell anyone about you and me. Frasier: What happened between us will never leave this room. [They kiss passionately] Frasier: [as the kiss breaks] And if there's a God in heaven, neither will we! [They kiss again] [Scene Three - Radio Station. Bulldog is getting some food out of the machine as Roz comes to him] Roz: Have you seen Frasier? Bulldog: What, he's not back from the airport yet? Roz: No. That's a lot of cheese and crackers, you're going to eat all those? Bulldog: Don't be stupid, I'm having people over tonight. [Frasier appears looking decidedly refreshed] Frasier: Morning, all. Roz: There you are, I almost gave up on you. [They enter the booth] Roz: So, Mr. Impulsive, I got your message. How was Mexico? Frasier: Fine, relaxing. Roz: Oh, I'm sorry. Frasier: Sorry? Roz: Yeah, well, considering what a bump your s*x life has been lately, I know you were looking for a little of, well, you know, action. You know, south of the border. Frasier: Roz, just because the last time you went to Mexico you were hit on more than a pi ata, that doesn't mean that was the purpose of my visit as well. Roz: Oh, yeah, right, you wanted to hear that Acapulco Philharmonic! [Bulldog enters] Bulldog: So, doc', did you get any? Frasier: That is none of your business! Bulldog: Ah, well, better luck next time. Frasier: Did it ever occur to you that I'm merely being discreet? That I actually did meet a woman, I just don't care to broadcast it? Bulldog: Sure, that'll happen! [Bulldog and Roz share a laugh] Frasier: Please! You know, frankly, I don't have time for this nonsense. What I did or did not do on my vacation is none of your concern. Don't you have better things to do than just speculate about my s*x life? Bulldog: Oh, "Frasier Crane's s*x life." Hey, there's a word for that... it's an Oxy... Oxy... [thinks] Roz: [completing] ...moron! Bulldog: Hey, wow, easy, I'll get it. [Roz pushes Bulldog out of the booth] [Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment. Daphne is helping Martin with his exercises as Eddie watches] Daphne: All right, now, flip over, ten kicks on each side. Martin: Oh, Jeez, I hate this one. What does it do anyway? Daphne: Nothing for you, but it does get a nice breeze going. [The doorbell sounds and Daphne answers it to Niles] Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane. Niles: Daphne. [Niles looks on at Martin's strange position] Niles: Hello, Eddie. Good boy, dad. Martin: [gets up] That's it, I'm through. Niles: So, where's Frasier? Daphne: Oh, he got in a while ago but jumped right in the shower. Niles: So we still have no idea why he went to Mexico? Martin: Well, you heard the same message we did. He wanted to do something spur of the moment, so he jumped on a plane. Niles: That doesn't concern you? That's not exactly like him, to board a plane without reservations and luggage... slumber mask. Martin: Oh, he probably just went down there to try to meet some women. Niles: I've seen this with my patients. They get so distressed over a series of failures, especially romantic ones, that they act out in bizarre ways. [Frasier then enters from his shower wearing a bathrobe, a towel around his head and nursing a cognac] Frasier: Ah, is there anything more refreshing after a long flight than a hot soak in eucalyptus sauce and a snifter of warmed "Poir William"! [Frasier exits to the kitchen] Niles: Nothing yet, but keep your ears open. [Frasier enters again] Daphne: You know, Dr. Crane, we're all awfully eager to hear about your trip. Did you have a nice time? Frasier: Oh, yes, lovely. Martin: Did you meet any girls? Frasier: Ah, well, you know me, dad, I'm not one to kiss and tell. Martin: Struck out, huh? Well, it'll all turn around for ya'. Frasier: Why does everyone assume that it's impossible for me to meet a woman? Martin: No need to get mad, I'm on your side, I just feel bad for you. Daphne: [compassionately] We all do. Frasier: You know, frankly, I'm sick and tired of everyone's pity. The fact is I did meet a woman down there, a perfectly fabulous woman, we had an utterly romantic weekend. Martin: Why didn't you just tell us that from the start? Frasier: Well, I'm not at liberty to discuss it. Niles: Oh, yes, that pesky Club Med oath of silence! Frasier: No! She asked me to be discreet. You see, she's a rather famous supermodel and right now she's going through a break- up with a star football player on the Seahawks. Didn't want any publicity, so you see, before I identify her to you, I have to ask you not to ever to repeat this to anyone. Niles: I'd urge you to do the same. Frasier: [angry] Her name is Kelly Easterbrook! Daphne: Ah, the lotion girl! She has such milky skin. Frasier: I thought so, yes. We were inseparable the entire weekend. Daphne: You know, some people think I look like her. Frasier: Oh, yes. [Frasier makes doubting faces at Niles] Frasier: I've got a picture of her, I'll be right back. [exits] Niles: Well, it's one thing to concoct a little white lie, but to come up with a supermodel?! Martin: Who dumped an NFL player for Frasier! [laughs] Daphne: I think you two are just being awful, I've never known Dr. Crane to tell a lie. Niles: Actually, this is not without precedent. When he was ten, he forged letters from Leonard Bernstein and told everyone they were pen pals. Martin: Oh, yeah. Niles: He'd come bounding up the stairs, "Got another one from Lenny"! We were all agog until Mr. Bernstein wrote that his Broadway debut was "Candide" when everyone knows that it was "On The Town." That's when we knew it was a fake! Martin: The sloppy kid lettering was also a clue! [Frasier enters with a magazine cutting] Frasier: Here she is. [hands it over] Martin: Is this from a magazine? Frasier: Yeah, yeah, she's in lots of magazines and billboards too. And now she's my girlfriend. [Takes picture back] Frasier: Well, I'm off to bed. I didn't get much sleep over the weekend, you know what I mean! [Frasier exits to everyone's pretend cheers] Daphne: He just snapped like a twig, didn't he! SHADOW OF A DOUBT [Scene Five - Caf Nervosa. Frasier is sat at a table on his own when his mobile rings. He answers it] Frasier: [into phone] Hello. Kelly. Hi, gee, I didn't know you were back in town. Er, I'd love to. Right, well, I'll see you there, in what, half an hour? Okay. Well, yeah, me too. Bye. [Frasier hangs up as Niles, Daphne and Martin enter] Niles: Frasier, glad we caught you. We're off to the Buster Keaton retrospective, care to join us? Frasier: Actually, I'm dashing off to "L'Escalias" for a late lunch with Kelly. Niles: Oh, your supermodel. Martin: You didn't mention anything about that when you left this morning. Frasier: She just called, she came up early from a modeling assignment in Hawaii, I suspect to see you-know-who. [laughs] [Frasier uses his phone] Frasier: [to phone] Yes, Dr. Crane. Listen, I need my usual table in about twenty minutes. Oh yes, and chill your finest bottle of Pouilly Fuiss . [hangs up] Well, modeling those swimsuits, she works up quite a thirst! [Frasier laughs as he exits] Daphne: Poor sod. Niles: Doesn't he realise how outlandish it all sounds? Martin: Even a fake supermodel would have dumped him by now! Daphne: I wish there was something we could do. Niles: There is. When he was in the phase of his Leonard Bernstein obsession, we finally confronted him, and, as you may recall, Dad, he was relieved that once and for all he could give up the charade. Martin: [corrects pronounciation] Char-ade. Niles: [adamant] Cha-rade. Martin: Well, I guess we could talk to him. But what are we going to say? Niles: It won't be easy. So, tell him that we know what's going on and that he doesn't have to pretend anymore. Daphne: All right, but situations like that make me uncomfortable. Martin: Well, you know, there's always the outside chance that we'll walk into that restaurant and some gorgeous supermodel will be draped all over Frasier... [They burst into laughter] Daphne: We needed that. Martin: Yeah, I thought we could do with a little tension breaker! [End of Act One] [Act Two] THE LADY VANISHES [Scene One - Restaurant. Frasier is sat at the table as Kelly enters to greet him. The table is set out with appetisers including caviar] Kelly: Frasier. [They greet each other and kiss] Frasier: You look wonderful. Kelly: Oh, thank you. Frasier: Here, here, sit. I ordered some appertisers. Kelly: Oh, this is so sweet, but I can't stay. My lab called and there's been a small emergency. Frasier: Is everything alright? Kelly: Our incubator broke and my iguana eggs need to be moved to another lab right away. I hope you understand. Frasier: Well, of course I'm disappointed, but we'll do it again sometime. Kelly: I'll call you as soon as I'm done at the lab. Frasier: Great, okay. [Kelly goes up the stairs as the waiter enters] Frasier: [calls] I'll keep my fingers crossed, here's hoping your eggs are still fertile. [Kelly exits] [SCENE_BREAK] Waiter: My wife had trouble conceiving too. It turned out to be me! Frasier: Well, mystery solved, off you go. [The waiter exits as Frasier eats his hors d'oeuvres. Daphne, Martin and Niles enter and watch down on him from the balcony. As there are two places set, it seems Frasier is entertaining an invisible woman] Niles: Oh, that is so sad. Daphne: I'll say, nobody's ever bought me caviar and I'm real! [off Martin and Niles' glance] Maybe this is a family thing. [Daphne exits as Niles and Martin approaches Frasier, they pull up chairs and greet each other] Frasier: Is something the matter? Martin: Oh, we were just in the neighbourhood. Thought we'd stop by, see if you've changed your mind about the movie. [Martin takes a bit of caviar up to his mouth, but on smelling it, throws it back down disgusted] Frasier: You seem to be awfully persistent, but you know, I just may join you. My date cancelled at the last moment. Niles: Listen, Frasier. Whatever it is that makes you feel the need to perpetuate this fantasy woman, you don't have to on our account. Frasier: Fantasy?! Martin: We're your family. We don't care if you haven't been out with anyone in quite a while. Frasier: My God, you actually believe that I invented this relationship! Martin: Hey, Frasier, it's no crime to go down to Acapulco and come back empty-handed. Frasier: I did not come back empty-handed, I came back with two huge handfuls! Kelly was just here. She was called away on an emergency. Niles: That would be a modeling emergency? Frasier: No. She only models to raise money for her real interest: zoology. She's a PhD candidate and she raises iguanas. [they obviously don't buy this] The incubator broke and her eggs were in danger, and it was vital that only she transfer them over... Oh, the details are not important. The fact is that I'm having a relationship with this woman! [There is a pause whilst Martin and Niles try to take in this information] Martin: [puts a hand on Frasier's arm] We love you Frasier. Niles, me, Daphne... Niles: Leonard Bernstein. Frasier: [angry] I knew one day you would throw that back in my face! [Frasier stands and leaves the restaurant] [Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Kelly is leaving a note on Frasier's door as the elevator doors open. Frasier steps off] Frasier: Kelly. Kelly: Oh, hi. Frasier: Hi. Kelly: I was just leaving you a note. I'm really sorry about lunch. Frasier: Oh, it's all right. Do you have time to come in? Kelly: Sure. Good news is that I was able to move all of my eggs over to another lab. Frasier: [unlocks door] Well, I hope you didn't put them all in one basket. [laughs] Kelly: Why does everyone think that's funny? [The two enter the apartment, she is taken aback] Kelly: What a beautiful apartment. Frasier: Thank you. Can I interest you in a glass of Beaujoulais Nouveau? Kelly: I'd love some. Frasier: All right. [Frasier goes to the wine shelf] Kelly: I actually have something to toast. My doctorate advisor's asked me to join his... [pauses as she notices Martin's chair] ...team of researchers going to the Galapagos Islands. Frasier: [pouring wine] Well, that does deserve a toast. Kelly: I'm replacing someone, so it's all very last minute. We leave in the morning. I'll be there for two months, inseminating indigenous iguanas. I've called all my friends, they couldn't believe it. Frasier: Nor will mine! [They clink glasses and sip] Frasier: [saddened] Two months? Kelly: Hey, I feel terrible leaving town so early in our relationship, but it's the opportunity of a life-time. Frasier: Well, I'll be here when you return. We'll always have one incredible night to look back on fondly. Kelly: I think we'll be looking back on two incredible nights. Frasier: No, I'm sorry darling, it's just one night; Saturday night, then of course Sunday, you were... [Kelly puts hers and his glasses down and gives him a raunchy look] Frasier: [realises] Oh. Right, right. [They kiss passionately] PSYCHO [Scene Three - Frasier's Bedroom. That evening, Kelly and Frasier are asleep in each other's arms. Frasier awakes and snuggles close to her. She seems dead to the world. An expression of realisation then appears over Frasier's face as he looks down at the elusive Kelly. He slowly moves to the edge of the bed and slides off. Frasier then tip-toes to his cabinet and slowly opens it, taking out a camera. He is thrilled as he slowly sits back down on the bed. Then in one go, he snuggles back up to Kelly as she sleeps like a log. He then gets himself into a pose with the camera so that Daphne, Martin and Niles would not have one doubt that Kelly was his girlfriend. He pulls back the covers a little bit, showing the camera her nightie and tries to take a picture. However, the camera seems to be faulty as he presses it several times with no success. Frasier then takes the camera in and begins to fiddle about with it. Suddenly it flashes. Kelly sits up all of a sudden as Frasier hides the camera behind his pillow] Kelly: What was that?! Frasier: Nothing, nothing. Kelly: I must have drifted off there. [The camera begins rewinding] Kelly: What's that noise? Frasier: I don't hear anything? [Kelly searches and finds the camera] Kelly: You took a picture of me while I was asleep?! Frasier: Absolutely not! This is... it's your going away present. Bon Voyage. [Frasier offers it to her but she refuses] Kelly: You're disgusting! Frasier: Oh, no, Kelly, Kelly, listen, please, you don't understand. [Kelly starts throwing the pillows at him in anger] Kelly: I don't believe this! Get out! [Frasier protests] Get out! Frasier: [stops protesting] All right. [moves to door] You know, you think being a professional model, you might be a little more relaxed about somebody taking your... Kelly: [screams] Get out! [Frasier leaves his bedroom, putting on his dressing gown] [Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier is still in his dressing gown as Kelly enters in her clothes] Frasier: Kelly, don't you think we should talk about this. I won't see you again for two months! Kelly: You won't see me again for a lot longer than that! Frasier: Kelly! [Frasier follows Kelly out into the hallway where she calls for the lift] Kelly: What? It wasn't enough just to tell people you bagged a model. You had to take a picture! Frasier: No! Kelly: What were you planning to do with it, sell it to the tabloids? Frasier: No! Kelly: Pass it around the office, show it to all your friends? Frasier: No, no, just my immediate family! Kelly: [impatient] I'm taking the stairs. Frasier: Kelly! [Kelly goes to the stairwell as Frasier runs off after her] Frasier: [o.s] Kelly! [depressed] Kelly. [Frasier enters back into the hallways as the elevator doors open. Daphne, Martin and Niles go to him] Frasier: Oh, you missed her again. She's running down the stairs, you can catch her if you still want to. Martin: [patronising] We believe you, Frasier, now let's just get your robe all cinched up. [ties it up] And get you back inside. Frasier: Don't patronise me! [They enter the apartment] Frasier: Oh, look, look, TWO wine glasses! Daphne: Oh, yes, one for you, one for her, that proves it all right! [Daphne gives the others a panicked look which Frasier notices] Frasier: [psychotic] I AM NOT CRAZY! [sits on the sofa in a rage] I am dating a supermodel zoologist, who I stole away from a professional football player, and she is off to the Galapagos islands to artificially inseminate iguanas! [breaking down] Is that so hard to believe?! [Frasier collapses on the sofa as Kelly enters. Frasier jumps up] Kelly: Frasier, I want to... [notices crowd] Oh! Well, good crowd! Where were you all hiding, under the bed?! [begins to rip out film from Frasier's camera] You know, it makes me sick to think I'd even spent one night with you, let alone two! I have known a lot of reptiles and looked under a lot of rocks in my life, but I have never seen anything slither out quite as slimy and repulsive as you! [Kelly exits in anger. The rest just look at Frasier, startled. Frasier takes back his calm and begins dusting down the pillows on the sofa. After a pause for tension, he looks at the three in a sophisticated, macho, "I was right, you were wrong" kind of way] Frasier: Well, what do you think of me now? [Frasier exits the scene having restored all dignity. But the other three, if possible, look even more worried.] [End of Act Two] [SCENE_BREAK] [Frasier is in his bed dreaming. His eyes are flinching. The camera pans out to reveal he's in bed with Eddie, who's snuggled up next to him. Eddie begins licking his face and Frasier obviously thinks it's a woman, similar to Martin's story earlier in the episode. Frasier then awakes and realises who it is. At first, he tries to shoo Eddie, however upon reflecting, he realises that Eddie is the only warm thing left to cuddle up to. So, he takes the dog in his arms and falls asleep]

The story continues from the previous episode (" Odd Man Out "), after Frasier spontaneously decides to board a plane to Acapulco with Joanna. She soon switches seats after learning this. While reading a magazine, he realizes that the model in it is actually the woman sitting next to him on the plane, who introduces herself as Kelly Easterbrook ( Sela Ward ). She tells him she is a supermodel and a student of zoology . The pair begin dating, but Kelly asks him to not tell anyone about them, as she is currently breaking up with a football player and wants this kept out of the media. Niles, Daphne and Martin do not believe his claim to be dating a supermodel and believe that he is experiencing delusions.

fd_The_O.C._01x27

fd_The_O.C._01x27_0

Opening scene - we see a beautiful shot of the coast then we see sailing boats on the water, then we hear Seth's voice. - Seth and Ryan are outside somewhere, it turns out they are waiting for Theresa but we don't know that yet Seth: Thor it's a strong name, no ones gonna mess with Thor Ryan: thanks Seth: Seth's a good name for a boy too, although at camp Tokaho I was often referred to as as girl so I guess it works either way Ryan: can we not play the name game Seth: right, sorry its premature (shakes his head) she's probably not even pregnant...maybe you shoot blanks Ryan: I feel much better Seth: sorry, if you're in no mood ta kid I woul- kid there's an unfortunate choice of a word Ryan: we don't even know if this kid is mine Seth: we don't even know if there is a kid, how much faith can you put in a pee swab Ryan: s-Seth don't say swab (walks away) Seth: Ryan Atwood jus made a joke (follows) Ryan: yeah got a keep a sense'a humour no matter what right Seth: hey! stuffed in the locker, shoes full of the water polo teams urine, never funnier Ryan: (looks at him) good ta know Seth: yeah infact having you around ta defend me, i've kinda gotten soft not having anyone picking on me there's really ben no need for the uh Seth Cohen retaliatory zinger (Ryan half smiles then looks over to where Theresa is coming out, the door reads 'FAMILY PLANNING CLINIC'. Theresa turns around and walks over to them, Ryan raises his eyebrows) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten is on the phone and Sandy comes in Kirsten: my dad hates Cilantro, if you put Cilantro on anything I may be uninvited to the wedding Sandy: somebody get me some Cilantro Kirsten ooh (phone) coloured lights? no way white lights only because coloured lights remind my father of a carnival an he hates carnies Sandy: note to self, hang with carnies Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) u-yeah great (laughs) ill see ya on Saturday...thanks, bye (to Sandy) (sighs) well the wedding rehearsal is confirmed (sighs) that means this wedding is actually happening Sandy: never have two people deserved each other more Kirsten: I can't believe my dad is walking down the aisle (emphasised) with a black eye Sandy: I know, its cause Jimmy punched him, if id punched him he'd be walkin down the aisle with a broken nose Kirsten: what're the odds of you two making up before the wedding Sandy: I would say not - good at all Kirsten: it's important ta me a daughter wants her father to be happy on his wedding day Sandy: an here I was thinking it was suppose'ta be the other way around Kirsten: (smiles) well what if I...begged (holds him from behind) Sandy: ooh Kirsten: (her head near his neck) an...groveled maybe cajoled (playfully bites his ear) Sandy: oooh honey come on he sabotaged my restaurant he-he committed fraud there's no - way (turns around to face her) I could possibly forgive him Kirsten: mmm (kisses him) Sandy: mm...well maybe I-I could pretend ta (Kirsten smiles and licks his lip) forgive him Kirsten: mm-hmm (they kiss more) Sandy: maybe I-I could apologise with my (kiss) my fingers crossed Kirsten: mm-hmm (they kiss more) (in the background Ryan, Theresa and Seth walk in) Seth: (cringes) ooooh Kirsten: (sees them) mm (they stop kissing) uh Sandy: hey, you're not at school Ryan: yeah we were at the doctor's office Kirsten: (worried) is everything ok Seth: hmm? yeah it's fine Theresa: i'm pregnant (Kirsten and Sandy look at them stunned) Seth: well... except for that (nods) Theme Song - California by Phantom Planet Harbor school - Ryan and Marissa are walking up the stairs outside Marissa: so it's official Ryan: yeah, it is Marissa: an does she know who the father is? Ryan: ...no and they don't like ta do paternity tests until the baby's born (Marissa nods) too dangerous I guess Marissa: but there's a chance that it could be yours Ryan: we...we were broken up Marissa: oh right no totally (Ryan looks at her) (upset) we were broken up for like a week Ryan: i'm sorry, I wish I could take it back...believe me but (Marissa looks at him) if you wanna...you know ill understand Marissa: like there's a choice...I mean if your the father then (shrugs) wont you an Theresa Ryan: no, no I wanna help her out but... (sincerely) I also, I wanna make this work (Marissa looks at him) between us (Marissa smiles and they walk off together holding hands - awww) CUT TO: Seth and Summer outside, it looks like they are at a coffee cart outside Seth: (to woman) there decafe right, cause if there not i'm gonna be up for for days, thankyou (hands Summer hers) Summer: thanks...i'm freaking out Cohen Seth: you're freakin out, you hear about Ryan an Theresa Summer: what about my best friend Seth: princess sparkle is freaking out Summer: Marissa dumb-ass Seth: oooh, I was always get those two confused, they have really shiny hair Summer: (sad) how can you even joke about this Seth: (sighs) cause I don't know, I have to, i'm not emotionally equipped ta actually process this information Summer: I mean it's not bad enough that she has'ta live with Lucifer an Julie Cooper? Seth: I often get those two confused as well Summer: (sad) what's gonna happen'ta Ryan an Marissa I mean there like the perfect couple Seth: (frowns) based on your parent's marriage I sort of understand that perspective Summer: i'm holding hot coffee Cohen Seth: look I don't know what's gonna happen, I jus wish there was something I could do ta help him Summer: (sad) we jus got passed all this drama an...this summer was spose'ta be all time Seth: yeah well, now it's all up in the air (drinks his coffee) Summer: we're done having s*x by the way Seth: excellent, there's not enough pain an suffering around us already CUT TO: The Balboa bakery - Theresa is at work. Kirsten comes in the door Theresa: (holding coffees) excuse me (puts them down) i'm sorry about the wait Kirsten: (looks around) hi Theresa: (suprised) h-hi Kirsten: I-I just wanted to see if you wanted ta talk Theresa: we're a little under staffed (picks up a tip) eighty five cents, great ill put it towards the baby's college tuition Kirsten: if you wanna talk about it, that an (Theresa nods) W: Theresa the registers broken Theresa: sorry (walks away) (Kirsten watches her, worried) CUT TO: Caleb's office - Caleb is in there working, his eye looks really bad. he puts his hands on his head. Sandy walks in and goes to knock he stops when he sees Caleb Sandy: now there's a portrait of a man headed ta the altar Caleb: what the hell do you want? Sandy: no it's not what I want, it's what Kirsten wants...detente peace, the promise of a feud free wedding Caleb: you've come to the wrong groom, you want'to apologise do so but do it quick Sandy: oh you have no idea how much cajoling it took to get me here, I am only here because'a Kirsten Caleb: (scoffs) it's always cause'a Kirsten, when you rail roaded my dinner was that cause'a her too Sandy: no, that one was for you (points) Caleb: so, what're you gonna do when i'm not around to make you feel better about yourself Sandy: oh you goin somewhere? Caleb: maybe...like say San Quentin Sandy: (walks closer) what the hell are you talkin about Caleb: what did you think I was doing in Vegas Sandy: what besides flipping my restaurant for a tidy sum Caleb: I was trying ta save the Newport group, selling that property was spose'ta keep this company from going bankrupt Sandy: (stunned) w-well Kirsten never said anything Caleb: that's because residential real estate is our only profitable division, she doesn't know anything about the bad investments, the debts...the losses Sandy: so sell the property ta somebody else, Robert Campbell can't be the only buyer in town Caleb: it doesn't mean as much to anyone else, Campbell owns the rest of the coast line, this property was the last piece of the puzzle that he was missing Sandy: so that's why you wanted us outta the restaurant so fast, oh you sneaky (shakes his head) not so successful son of a bitch Caleb: enjoy it while you can (stands) I got the DA all over me again, must smell blood in the water, have a nice day Sandy (Caleb walks out and Sandy looks worried) CUT TO: Jimmy's house - there are a few cardboard boxes in the living room, we can tell they belong to Marissa because her 'share bear Care Bear' from 125 is in there, as is a photo of her and Jimmy. Marissa is holding a picture in her hands and Jimmy comes in the front door Jimmy: hey kiddo Marissa: (smiles) hey Jimmy: what're you doin Marissa: oh you know preparing to move into the house on haunted hill Jimmy: you know uh you don't have'ta do this, i'd sooner give back the cheque then let you move in with your mom (picks up her care bear & sits down) Marissa: an then you're left with nothing, you'd have'ta move to Phoenix, well at least this way I can still see you (smiles) Jimmy: (shakes his head, sad) life jus wasn't this complicated when I was growin up Marissa: yeah I know, it feels like we're constantly being punished for something, an mom jus keeps on ticking Jimmy: hey your mom has'ta wake up every morning an be Julie Cooper (Marissa smiles) that is punishment enough (looks at Marissa) c'mon lets take a break, what'do you say go down the pier an-an get a Balboa bar (Jimmy raises his eyebrows hopeful) Marissa: I cant...i've jus got so much ta do (Marissa looks at him, and Jimmy looks heartbroken) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten, Sandy and Ryan are in there Sandy: does Theresa's mom know Ryan: noo not yet, Theresa's not ready ta tell her besides it'll make the whole thing feel too real Sandy: I got news for ya, it's real Kirsten: Sandy... Sandy: there's no point in sugar coating it, you know how many un wed mothers use'ta come through my office Kirsten: we all know how real this is, can we just eat dinner Sandy: alright (to Ryan) hey look (puts his hand on Ryan's back) we are we're we are, an we'll help you through this, we can do it together (Ryan nods) (Seth comes in during Sandy talking) Seth: hey man, they raised me ok proof pudding (Ryan looks at him) speaking of pudding mother do we have any tapioca on tap Kirsten: you are king'a the segway Seth: I just love pudding an its so fun ta say pudding, puuding, puuuding Sandy: (to Ryan) I think our child rearing skills speak for themselves (Theresa walks in) Seth: pudding, puuuding Kirsten: oh hey sweetie um I have my secret recipe, take out Theresa: oh thanks, I-I ate at work Seth: pudding Theresa: (to Ryan) Ryan can we talk Ryan: yeah, yeah sure (they walk out to the backyard) Ryan: so uh what's goin on Theresa: i've ben thinking...we haven't really talked about it (Ryan nods) you're not ready for this, i'm not ready for this Ryan: yeah I know but we can- Theresa: I can't do this i'm not gonnda do it...i'm not gonna have it...the baby Ryan: ...your not? Theresa: you can tell the Cohen's...but I can't tell my mom (Ryan looks at her) hey you're off the hook (walks away) (Ryan stands there stunned) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen the next morning - Seth is in there, Ryan is sitting at the table eating breakfast Seth: (picks up envelope) yay, I have'ta go down an uh renew my dock fees for my boat man, you wanna go down there with me, maybe take her out for a spin Ryan: ok sure, sounds good Seth: no, no it sounds great! ok come one we haven't even ben on that since last summer, you remember last summer, we were jus gettin'a know each other now look at us, best friends (Ryan raises his eyebrows) brothers even an what'da brothers do Ryan (Ryan frowns) you know what brothers do...brothers sail Ryan: what brothers sail Seth: the Wright brothers, before they invented airplanes how do you think they got everywhere man the uh the Ringling brothers (Ryan raises his eyebrows) with-with their chimps an their tigers, it was like Noah's ark on that boat, Hanson Hanson playing cruise lines Ryan: ok we'll go sailing Seth: no get excited ok you dodged a bullet- not that-not that its you bullet-(Ryan looks at him) I-I jus think that its cool- not so much cool but ok I just I don't know, I thought you would be relieved Ryan: no, no I am its jus uh it's complicated Seth: too complicated for banter about boats an Hanson (Ryan looks at him) CUT TO: The pool house - Theresa is getting ready for work, Kirsten walks in Kirsten: hey Theresa: (smiles) hey Kirsten: can I get ya anything...tea, toast dramamine Theresa: no thanks um I don't wanna be late I'm only workin a half day today, I have an appointment at planned parent hood Kirsten: is-is Ryan gonna go with you Theresa: (sighs) no I haven't told him he's freaked out enough as it is Kirsten: what about your mother Theresa: no I can't um...she's extremely religious Kirsten: well uh y-you'll need someone there ta listen to the doctors because your gonna have a million things going through your mind and you wont wanna drive an i'm an excellent driver and amazing parker (smiles) Theresa: (smiles) thanks, I hate parallel parking CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa and Ryan are sitting at a table for lunch Marissa: so how're you doing with it, are you relieved, sad disappointed Ryan: all of the above, yes Marissa: well did she say when she was gon- Ryan: soon...uh I guess (sighs) Marissa: well then at least maybe everything can go back ta normal, not that anything around here ever is normal Ryan: more normal than this (they look at each other) Marissa: (smiles) I think we should spend this whole summer just being normal Ryan: we're not gonna hold Seth ta that are we? Marissa: (thinks) no, no that would be impossible (moves closer to him) I was talking more about us (Marissa kisses him, then they stop kissing and touch foreheads - aww) CUT TO: Caleb leading a blind folded Julie Julie: you are just full of suprises (Caleb laughs) oh...I hear water an by the way Caleb we should hold onto this blind fold, oh god Caleb: good to know (takes off her blind fold) (Julie laughs then stands there mouth wide open and gasps) Julie: (screams) oh my god! (we see what Julie is seeing, it's a huge house with swimming pool etc, it looks like a mansion) Julie: (shocked) it's a palace Caleb: fit for a queen Julie: (almost crying) oh Cal it's amazing Caleb: (puts his arm around her) I built it just for you Julie: it's more then I ever could've imagined ooh (kisses him) mwa (smiles) I wanna live her forever (laughs & jumps up & down) CUT TO: The dock - Ryan and Seth are at Seth's sailing boat Seth: (pulls off cover) ooooh i've missed you (rubs a pole) its ben too long Ryan: you're talkin to a boat Seth Seth: yeah I talk to a plastic horse too but that never worries anyone Ryan: it worried me Seth: (finds his compass) heeey, I forgot about this (Ryan steps onto the boat) this compass is gonna lead me all the way ta Tahiti Ryan: yeah whatever happened ta that (sits) big plan ta sail ta Tahiti Seth: well you showed up man, suddenly I had much less reason ta flee...I don't know Newport became kind of uh (nods) kind of alright Ryan: yeah Seth: could've done it in forty two days though Ryan: guess we'll never know Seth: yeah but now that we got the uh the Summer Breeze back in action we can sail ta Catalina we can take our ladies Ryan: (smiles) catch fresh fish right off the side'a the boat, cook em right there sounds good man (Seth nods) sounds great CUT TO: Kirsten and Theresa after Theresa's appointment, they are sitting at a table together outside and Theresa is reading a pamphlet called 'THE FACTS ABOUT ABORTION' Kirsten: so ill take you to your appointment tomorrow, your not taking any anesthetics so you don't have'ta worry about what to eat, we'll get there about a half an hour before an fill out some forms. everyone there seems really nice Theresa: (nods) I cant believe i'm actually doing this Kirsten: you don't have to Theresa: (nods) yeah I do I mean i'm in high school or I should be, I make eleven dollars a day in tips...not having this baby...makes the most sense Kirsten: you don't have to make the decision that makes the most sense Theresa: (laughs) right coming from you I mean (Kirsten looks at her) your life is so together you know you have a an amazing family (Kirsten smiles & looks down) great job, its perfect Kirsten: nothings perfect...sometimes...things...just...happen Theresa: yeah but never ta someone like you right (Kirsten looks at her, then looks down) i'm sorry I-I Kirsten: its ok I don't regret the decision I made (Theresa nods) I just wish that when I was...trying to choose...there was someone there for me (Theresa is listening) whatever you decide...we're here for you (Theresa nods & half smiles) CUT TO: The pool house, its now night - Theresa is in there and Ryan comes in Ryan: hey (sits next to her) how're ya feelin Theresa: pretty lousy...remember that part last night about me not having the baby...as hard as it is to imagine having a baby I cant really imagine not having it Ryan: (stunned) (softly) so your gonna have it Theresa: I have to (nods) (hugs Ryan) (Theresa looks scared, Ryan hugs her back but looks unsure about everything) CUT TO: Cohen house the next morning - Sandy and Kirsten are walking in the hallway Sandy: well what'did you say to her Kirsten: I didn't say anything Sandy: so all of a sudden she just decided'ta change her mind Kirsten: not it's all of a sudden that she made all of her decisions Sandy: what? you talked her into having this child (they are now in the kitchen) Kirsten: so I should just let her make a totally uninformed decision Sandy: there two kids with nothing how can they start a family Kirsten: that's not our choice Sandy: you know what Ryan's goin through right now Kirsten: not as well as I know what she's going through Sandy: (frowns) what'does that mean Kirsten: nothing, its jus she's alone, she can't talk to her mother, she's scared and she's confused, all I did was listen (Ryan walks in) Kirsten: oh hey you want some breakfast Ryan: ah no thanks ill get somethin later I jus wanna see if Theresa wants anything Kirsten: I should call my dad, I have'ta make sure he knows to be here by eight, have you talked ta him recently he doesn't seem himself Sandy: I can't blame him I wouldn't wanna be him either he's about to be bound by law ta Julie Cooper Kirsten: don't remind me, denials a very effective coping mechanism Sandy: well it should be some weekend CUT TO: Ryan coming up to the pool house, Theresa is sitting on the bed packing Ryan: hey, want some breakfast pancakes waffles (Theresa turns around) (sighs) your leaving Theresa: i'm going home, I talked ta my mom...I told her everything, I should'a left last night when I saw the look on your face Ryan: (sits next to her) you don't have'ta leave...we can figure this out together Theresa: (looks at him) then come with me (Ryan doesn't say anything) never mind breakfast ill grab something on the road CUT TO: The mansion - Marissa, Jimmy and Hailey carry Marissa's things inside Marissa: wow, this place is huge Hailey: it's a castle Jimmy: the torture chamber must be in the basement (Julie comes in from a different room) Julie: Jimmy! ugh what, you should not be here Caleb's due back any minute an thanks to you he has'ta take his wedding photos with a black eye (Marissa rolls her eyes and goes outside to the car) Jimmy: oh it'll match the black lump of coal where his heart should be Julie: (smiles) why can't you be happy for me hm I am Hailey: Julie, you can't be happy, an that makes me happy Julie: oh classy choice Jimmy although it's pretty obvious that your with her because you can't be with Kirsten, you know I think in psychology that's called transference Jimmy: oh an you marrying Caleb I think in psychology that's called shameless gold digging Julie: no, that's what he has his youngest daughter for Hailey: do not - make me Julie: (yells) make you what, go back ta life as a stripper or a coke whore Jimmy: ooh, someone forgotten about the eighties Julie: at least i'm not a criminal Jimmy: yeah you're just marrying one (Marissa is at the door) Marissa: (drops a box) (yells) ok stop it, just stop it! (walks towards them) no more fighting ok (to Julie) look your getting what you wanted i'm moving in with you Julie: well that's what you wanted to, right sweetie (Marissa looks at Julie, Jimmy looks at Julie then at Marissa) Marissa: (sighs) I-i've got some more stuff in the car (to Julie) ill get the rest of my stuff out of your house tomorrow (walks out) (Jimmy looks at Julie) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: The dock - Seth is in his boat and Summer is standing on the dock Summer: I can't believe your boats name is Summer what a coincidence, my names Summer your boats names Summer, its kinda crazy Seth: (nervously laughs) yeah it's just crazy Summer: well it's the only Summer you'll be ridin for a while Seth: right yeah no s*x I got it thankyou Guy: hey Seth Seth: hey Guy: you got the paperwork Seth: yeah (hands it to him) it's all uh still in really good condition Guy: yeah I got a guy who I think'll offer six thousand he's ben bugging me for a while Seth: ok great uh will you try an remember ta get cash for me though Guy: I told him Seth: ok Guy: come by tomorrow (shakes Seth's hand) Seth: I will Summer: six thousand dollars in cash,. what're you fleeing the country Cohen Seth: no it's for Ryan Summer: what for vintage wife beaters Seth: ...its actually for Theresa or...Ryan ta give ta Theresa (Summer raises her eyebrows) listen don't say anything ok cause I don't-I don't even think Ryan's told Marissa yet but um...I think Theresa's gonna have the baby Summer: (shocked) what (worried) oh my god Seth: I know, an she's gonna need money an you know I spent all mine on Vegas hookers so (Summer looks at him) this is the only thing I have that's worth anything...I jus don't know how else ta help Summer: Cohen (makes an aww expression) CUT TO: Cohen house - The backyard is set up for the rehearsal dinner. Kirsten and Caleb are out there and Jimmy comes over Caleb: what the hell is he doing here? Kirsten: he's family too Jimmy: hey Kirsten: hey Jimmy: how ya doin Caleb Caleb: get away from me Kirsten: dad! Jimmy: well, congrats she's a...hell of a woman (Jimmy walks off shaking his head, laughing - Summer and Julie are hugging) Summer: congratulations Mrs. Cooper Julie: oh thankyou, Seth (kisses him on the cheek) are you excited about being a groomsmen Seth: its th...it's the fulfillment of a life long dream (nods) yeah (Summer laughs) (Marissa walks up to them) Marissa: (smiles) hey guys Julie: (gasps) Marissa, you look beautiful Marissa: (cold) thanks (everyone is uncomfortable, Julie ends up walking away) Marissa: hey have you guys seen Ryan he didn't call me back earlier, do you think he's ok (at the same time) Seth: oh yeah no he takes a long time with his hair, getting that angry, that's like four hours you should see him its weird Summer: yeah he's probably doing his like...hair yeah, bangs I don't know moose, products I don't know (Sandy walks over to Caleb who is standing by himself) Sandy: so Cal...I talked to the DA Caleb: Otis? Sandy: yeah Caleb: what did that pant load have ta say for himself Sandy: it's over (Caleb looks at him) Caleb: what the hell am I spose'ta do Sandy: well have you told the future Mrs. Nichol about your financial situation Caleb: what're you saying Sandy, that Julies only marrying me for my money Sandy: (laughs) noo, never, course not...but you might think about postponing this thing Caleb: impossible, the wedding is tomorrow I have never let anyone push me around an this is no exception but...thanks for trying, I appreciate it Sandy: (nods) it's ironic, Julie leaves Jimmy marries you, now he's worth millions an your gonna be broke Caleb: I don't believe in irony Sandy: oh well that's too bad cause , well it might be just the thing to get ya through this (Sandy walks away, Caleb watches him - Marissa opens the door to the pool house, Ryan is in there) Marissa: hey, what're you doing? Ryan: just...y'know hiding Marissa: (smiles) yeah I can't blame you (sits next to him) so where's Theresa Ryan: she went back home, ta have the baby Marissa: (shocked) well di-did she an Eddie make up (Ryan shakes his head & sighs) so she's having the baby alone (Ryan looks at her not saying anything, Marissa looks worried) CUT TO: them all gathered around the table. Caleb is at one end and Sandy at the other. on the left side there is Hailey, Ryan, Summer and Seth. opposite them are Julie, Marissa, Jimmy and Kirsten. Caleb taps his fork on a glass and stands up Caleb: ill keep it brief I promise, first I would like ta thank Kirsten for hosting a wonderful dinner and to say tomorrow is a truly important event (the left side of the table look at him) as a father its a great joy (Kirsten looks at him) to have a family and to watch that family grow (Ryan is thinking, he looks over at Marissa who look down, then up at him) we've all ben through a great deal together, for better an for worse (Ryan looks at her again, she looks at him then looks away) but tomorrow the Nichol's the Cohen's and the Coopers become one family and I feel very lucky to be at the head of that family (Sandy looks at him) cheers an many thanks (everyone raises their glasses and says cheers, Ryan gets up from the table and walks away, Marissa watches him worried ~ Ryan is inside the kitchen now, he's breathing heavily and just looks completely lost. Marissa comes in) Marissa: (worried) hey, are you ok Ryan: I jus...need some air (Marissa nods) (Seth and Summer come in) Seth: hey Marissa: hey Seth: (worried) everything ok? Ryan: c-can we jus get outta here Seth: please! CUT TO: The beach - the four of them are walking along the sand. Summer is wearing Seth's jacket and Marissa is wearing Ryan's - aww Seth: you know Ryan I uh think it was on this very stretch of beach where we first got our asses kicked by the water polo team Ryan: yeah, could be (Seth bends down and picks up some sand, puts in his mouth then spits it out) Seth: yes it definitely tastes the same (they are now walking up what I think is like a life guard tower. they are walking up a ramp thing) Marissa: wait, when was that? Ryan: when I first got here Seth: yeah it was after that fashion show at uh Holly's beach house Summer: (frowns) you guys were at that party Seth: (looks at her & laughs) those were the days (Seth puts his arms around Summer) Marissa: (to Ryan) hey, you feeling better Ryan: (nods) ...i've ben thinkin...I think...I need'a go back (Seth, Summer and especially Marissa are stunned) Ryan: I can't let Theresa do this by herself (Summer and Seth look down, Marissa has tears in her eyes) Ryan: (tears in his eyes) ...i'm leavin (they all look at him, sad) CUT TO: The dock - Seth is down there to talk to the guy Seth: hey, so we all good proof of purchase bill'a sale Guy: yeah sooo the guy called me this morning said he couldn't come up with the money Seth: (upset) what, what the hell man you told me it was a done deal Guy: he said give him a couple'a months Seth: (shakes his head) I can't do that, I need it right now...just forget it, it jus figures Guy: i'm sorry man Seth: yeah well, it's the way its ben goin for me lately CUT TO: Seth walking into some food place, he sits down with Summer and Marissa Seth: hey ok I have a plan, listen. Ryan doesn't wanna leave, right we don't want him ta leave so lets not let him, you know we can all get jobs we can pool our salaries an we can cover his apartment, we can cover rent for an apartment up in the numbered streets Marissa: except Theresa wants ta be with her family an Ryan has ta be with her Seth: so what then you jus wanna give up, do you wanna let him go Summer: look there's nothing else we can do, other then kidnap him Marissa: believe me if there was something I could do I would Seth: (upset) well I think you've done enough so... Marissa: (looks at him) what'does that mean Seth: I jus don't even think Ryan would be back with Theresa if it wasn't for you an Oliver in the first place Summer: Cohen! (Marissa is taken back) Seth: really all you ever did was drag that kid inta your messed up life, an I just Marissa: right an all you ever did was use him to meet girls an get out of fights! Summer: ok you guys come on Seth: well I don't really care, I gotta get ready so as long as your cool with him leaving (Seth leaves and Marissa sits there upset) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is getting ready for the wedding. Sandy walks in Sandy: hey Ryan: hey Sandy: we'll probably leave for the chapel in an hour if Kirsten can get ready in time, it is a mystery ta me what goes on in that bathroom Ryan: think you'll be done by six Sandy: god I hope so Ryan: uh that's what time I told Theresa ta pick me up (sits on a step) Sandy: (nods) (sits next to him) you know as your guardian I can stop you Ryan: (softly) yeah I know...but if you taught me anything, you gotta do whatever it takes to protect your family (looks at Sandy) she's my family now Sandy: we are too...you can stay here, so can she we can make this work, as a family Ryan: (looks at him) I can't (Sandy looks at him) I can't ask that of you...you've done more then enough, more then I ever could'a asked of anyone Sandy: I told you...you could'a done worse Ryan: (smiles) no when you took me in I had nothing (sniffs) no family, no hope (teary) I don't want this kid ta grow up like I did (Sandy nods) (Ryan looks down) Sandy: well...jus cause your leavin (Ryan looks up) doesn't mean i'm lettin ya go (Ryan half smiles) now come on get dressed...we gotta witness the most unholy of all unions CUT TO: The wedding/church - we see Kaitlin walking down the aisle, she stands at the front with Marissa, Hailey and Kirsten. on the other side is Caleb, Sandy, Seth and Ryan. Julie begins to walk down the aisle, she's got a huge smile on her face. Sandy looks over at Kirsten, Kirsten closes her eyes then looks over at Sandy - aww) we see Julie walking again then we see Summer and Julie sitting with the rest of the guests. Julie makes it to the front and Ryan looks over at Marissa, Marissa looks over at him sadly, Ryan looks down. Julie is now standing opposite Caleb in front of the priest. Julie looks at Caleb, Caleb looks at Julie then we see a camera flash CUT TO: Outside - Julie and Caleb are having their first dance together, the song 'maybe i'm amazed' is heard. Jem is singing it live. after a little while Sandy takes Kirsten's hand and leads her to the dance floor, they begin to dance. Jimmy and Hailey follow shortly after and begin to dance. we see Sandy and Kirsten again, then Julie and Caleb both smiling. then we see Jem singing - Ryan is sitting by himself at a table looking very lost/down. Marissa walks over to him, she looks as lost as he does. Ryan stands up and looks at the dance floor then at Marissa Ryan: wanna dance? (smiles) (Marissa smiles and they walk to the dance floor. Marissa puts her arm around his neck and they look at each other. Sandy and Kirsten look at them worried, then look back at each other. Ryan and Marissa are now dancing very slowly {I think it reflects both their emotions perfectly} ) Marissa: (upset) (sighs) I just want you to know (softly) I understand why you have to do this Ryan: (smiles) (softly) thanks Marissa: (teary) but I wish you didn't have to Ryan: (softly) me too (nods) (Marissa looks into his eyes then brings her head closer to his so her nose is touching his cheek) Marissa: (whispers near his ear) I love you (Marissa closes her eyes, she lifts her head up and puts it's over the other side on his shoulder, she holds onto him tightly still upset. Ryan holds her hand to his chest and closes his eyes. they continue dancing slowly {aww, so beautiful}. the camera zooms out so we can see the whole dance floor) CUT TO: Seth is sitting by himself on a grass hill. he looks over and we see Summer walking up to him Summer: hey (kneels next to him) Seth: (barely heard) hey Summer: (sits) they sent me out ta find you... found you (Seth almost laughs) (smiles) I figured you'd be stuffing your pockets with cocktail weenies (Seth forces a smile) your still gonna see him, Chino's not that far away Seth: (upset) I jus can't believe he's leaving...he's the first real friend i've ever had...he's the only real friend i've ever had Summer: (sad) (softly) I know...you have me Seth: yeah but that's not the same thing, you don't get it before he got here, I was the biggest loser this place was hell for me ok (Summer looks at him) an I can't help an I jus I cant even imagine what it's gonna be like here without him Summer: (touches his arm) (softly) we'll make it through it, I promise Seth: (swallows) could you tell em that ill be back in a few minutes please Summer: (nods) sure (begins to walk away) Seth: you know for the record, the boat was named after you (Summer smiles, Seth half smiles) (Summer walks away) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan zips up his bag and takes one last look around the pool house, he sighs and picks up his bags, he walks to the doorway and looks back, then continues walking {its interesting to note that he is wearing the same 'hoody' (hooded sweatshirt) that he wore when he first got there} CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten is in there packing some food into a brown paper bag. Sandy is in there with her and Ryan walks in Sandy: hey Ryan: hey (puts his bags down) Kirsten: is Theresa here Ryan: uh should be soon Kirsten: (picks up the bag) uh a little something for the road (hands it to him) don't worry I-I didn't make it (smiles) but if I did learn ta cook, could we convince you to stay (Ryan looks down, Sandy looks down) Ryan: ...thankyou for uh inviting me into your home (Kirsten nods, teary) (Sandy listens) you guys (smiles) this year...was uh Kirsten: (teary) (nods) for us too! (hugs him tight) (Ryan holds her and closes his eyes, smiling. Sandy watches them. he walks over and puts one arm around Kirsten and one around Ryan) Sandy: an Kirsten's not even a hugger Kirsten: (laughs) (Ryan laughs) oh (sniffs) you always know how ta ruin a moment (laughs again) Sandy: (smiles) that's what I do (they both look at Ryan lovingly) Ryan: i'm gonna, say goodbye ta Seth CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Seth is on his bed listening to music, he has a very 'whatever' attitude all through this scene, but it's only because he's upset at Ryan for leaving. Ryan knocks and walks in and Seth looks over Ryan: hey man Seth: hey Ryan: uh gotta jet Seth: cool (looks at Ryan) really gotta go? Ryan: yeah Seth: well if you need a nanny ill take the graveyard shift Ryan: I think we'll manage Seth: (laughs) I was afraid you'd say that Ryan: you can come down an visit me (Seth doesn't say anything) hey so I uh I got you somethin (hands it to him) it's yours y'know, always good for ideas Seth: map'a Tahiti (puts it down) cool man (door bell. Seth looks at Ryan helplessly, almost pleadingly) Ryan: ...so ill see you then Seth: (puts ear phones back in) see you (puts his hands in his lap) (Ryan walks out and we see Seth in a side on view, he looks so sad - ok from here on is a montage of different scenes to the song Halleluiah by Jeff Buckley {I mention this because it pretty much carries the scenes, it sets the mood beautifully} Ok the first shot is of Ryan and Theresa in Theresa's car, Theresa's reverses out of the drive way and Ryan looks towards the house ~ Marissa is waiting outside of Julies house with her things pan across to Theresa's car coming out of the Cohen's drive way ~ Marissa looks over and sees, she looks sad ~ Theresa and Ryan in a front on view as the car goes around Ryan looks out the window at Marissa, Marissa looks in at him, Ryan sort of gives her a nod as they drive passed ~ Marissa watches ~ Ryan turns his head around and looks back at her. we see what he sees which is Marissa standing there and the limo pulling up to take her to Caleb's house ~ Ryan turns back around ~ we see Theresa's car driving out of the culdesac and passed the ocean ~ we are now in Seth's bedroom we see Captain oats sitting on his desk and he drops 2 white envelopes down, the camera pans to show Seth zipping up a bag, he puts it on his shoulder and picks up his skateboard. he looks around his room then walks out the door. we see a close up of the envelopes which read Mom & Dad the other reads Summer ~ we are now at Marissa's new 'house' she opens a door and walks in with a box that has her 'share bear' in it, she clearly doesn't want to be there. she walks in and puts the box down then opens up double doors which lead out to a balcony with water views. she stands near the edge of the balcony and looks out ~ we are now down at the dock with Seth, he's un tying his boat, he throws the rope on board then climbs on himself, he pulls out the compass from earlier. he pushes off from the side and we see him start to sail away ~ we are now in the pool house. Kirsten is taking the sheets off of Ryan's bed, she gathers them together then holds them close to her ~ we are now back with Ryan in the car, he looks out at the water. Theresa looks at him then he looks at her ~ we are now back with Seth on the water ~ we are now back in the pool house with Kirsten, she is crying and sits down on the bed, she's still holding the sheets in her arms. we see a close up of her face, she closes her eyes and just loses it, she puts her hand over her mouth. in the background we see Sandy come in the door ~ back with Marissa on the balcony, she has a bottle of alcohol in her hand, she takes the lid off and takes a big gulp from it, she puts her hand over her mouth and swallows, she closes her eyes then looks out to the ocean. the camera zooms out so that we can see how little she looks compared to the great big house, she looks trapped there ~ we see a distant shot of Seth sailing, which fades to Kirsten in the pool house still upset, she takes a deep breath in then puts her head down, crying. she just looks so devastated. she puts her head on Sandy's shoulder, Sandy strokes her head. Sandy isn't crying but you can tell he is just as devastated, we fade to Ryan still in the car, we see him through the window, and reflected in the window is the sun setting we fade from that to Seth sailing, we can see nothing but water so we know he is no where near home. Seth gets further and further away until finally the screen goes black)

Summer is near and that means sun, surf and rejuvenation. Or to Ryan, Seth and Marissa, it may mean none of the above as each faces a critical crossroad. Just the same, Newport society rises to the occasion when Caleb and Julie do the "I do."

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_01x08

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_01x08_0

(Seattle Scenes) MVO: You know how when you were a kid and you believed in fairy tales? (Derek is at Meredith's, applying deodorant; she is just looking at him) MVO: That fantasy of what your life would be. White dress, Prince Charming, Who'd carry you away to a castle on a hill. You'd lie in bed at night and close your eyes, and you had complete and utter faith. (Izzie is in the kitchen, a sink full of dirty dishes, and cupcakes everywhere. George is there eating cupcakes.) Izzie: Eight hours, 16 ounces of chocolate, and 32 cupcakes, and they still don't taste right. George: (With mouthful) No, these are good. Martha Stewart would be proud. Izzie: Yeah, look where it got her. MVO: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close, you could taste them. Izzie: There's something missing, some specific ingredient. Why can't I remember? MVO: But eventually, you grow up. One day you open your eyes, and the fairy tale disappears. George: Look, just call her. Call your mother and ask. MVO: Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. Izzie: I don't want to call my mother. (Meredith and Derek still getting ready. Derek is brushing his teeth. ) Meredith: So let's go sleep at your house tonight. Derek: What? Meredith: I mean, why are we always sleeping at my house? Do you even have one? Derek: One what? Meredith: A house. With a closet. With your stuff in it. Your personal stuff. Do you even have one of those? Derek: Mmm. (Derek and Meredith enter the kitchen) Derek: Good morning. George: Hey. You guys want a cupcake? Derek: Oh, no. George: Izzie made them. Derek: You know, I like it here. You said so yourself, you liked having your things around, sleeping in your own bed. (Derek is getting cereal and a bowl out) George: You're like a health nut, aren't ya? You eat muesli every morning. Derek: No, I don't. Izzie: Ok, the muesli thing, you do. The last seven days, at least. Derek: Oh, come on. I haven't been here for a whole week. Have I? Meredith: See? Even they thing it's weird. MVO: But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely. Cause almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they'll open their eyes and it will all come true. (Derek and Meredith smile at each other) (Seattle Scenes) (Cristina in an office) Woman: So I've checked the schedule. Cristina: I start ENT on the 9th. It's a light rotation. Can you get me in then? Woman: Oh, I'm afraid not. We have openings on the 16th. There are other options besides termination, you know? Adoption, keeping the baby. You think it over. Call me back. I'm here... Cristina: Put me down for the 16th. I'll confirm after I rearrange my schedule. Woman: I know this is a difficult decision. Cristina: You know the talking part? Woman: Mm. Cristina: I'm not interested. (Alex examining a female patient) Alex: So, Devo, you just had a root canal, correct? Devo: Yeah. I couldn't stop bleeding after, literally. Now I'm stuck with you guys. (Burke enters) Burke: Give me the bullet. Alex: 17-year-old female hospitalized for excessive bleeding, status post root canal. Also had a significant new heart murmur associated with fever. Now afebrile on antibiotics. Devo: If I'm gonna die, can you page my mom and dad? Burke: You're not dying. Where are your parents? Devo: In the cafeteria. My freak father likes hospital food. Burke: You're in excellent hands here. Dr. Karev is gonna run some labs. And I'll see you with your parents in a little while. Add a bleeding time to the coags. (Burke leaves) Alex: So, what kind of name is Devo, anyway? Devo: 80's rocker. My parents did too much blow. I call myself Esther. Alex: Nice skirt. What are you, Amish? Devo: Get a life. Haven't you ever seen an Orthodox Jew? (Meredith and Cristina examining x-rays) Cristina: This guy belongs in Psych. What are you doing turfing him here? Psych Doctor: He's my gift to you. Had a seizure two days ago and another one this morning. Meredith: What are you talking about? It says right here, "He talks to dead people, his family things he's dangerous. They had him committed." That's Psych, not Neuro. Cristina: Man, didn't you go to med school? Psych Doctor: Yes, and unlike the correspondence school you attended... Cristina: Oh, that would be Stanford, right? Psych Doctor: I learned not to jump to conclusions. Sorry, ladies. We can't take him back until he's cleared. Cristina: So, you're dumping him on us? Psych Doctor: He thinks his seizures are visions. Patient: Hello! They're not seizures. I'm psychic. Cristina: Of course you are, and I'm a chicken. (To Psych Doctor) Hey, genius. Meredith: Ok, Mr. Duff. We're gonna start our workup now. Mr. Duff: Work me up, work me down, I'm telling you it's a waste of time. Cristina: Ok, well, humor us. Can you grip my fingers, please? (He appears to go into a trance.) Meredith: Cristina. Cristina: Mr. Duff? Meredith: Mr. Duff, are you ok? Mr. Duff: Someone... Meredith: Someone what? Mr. Duff: Someone's gonna check out. Bye-bye. Cristina: Oh, man, he's nuts. Mr. Duff: I'm dizzy, not deaf, lady. And I'm telling you, someone on the fourth floor is gonna die. Man on PA System: Code blue, fourth floor. Code blue, fourth floor. (Code team goes running by in the hallway) (Meredith and Cristina leave looking bewildered.) (Seattle Scenes) (Outside of SGH) (Cristina walking through the hallway, still looking ill.) George: Fourth floor, dead guy. The psychic predicted the fourth floor dead guy. Cristina: I need someone to cover me on the 16th. You in? (Meredith and Derek walk by) George: I'm thinking about letting my hair grow. And maybe I won't shave. Go for the stubble effect. What do you think? Cristina: The 16th, George. Can you cover me or not? George: Uh, yeah. I guess. Why? Cristina: It's none of your business. George: Thank you would be nice. (Cut to Meredith and Derek still walking through the halls) Meredith: It's just that I hardly know anything about you. Derek: You know I'm from New York. You know I like ferry boats. Meredith: Enough with the ferry boats. What about your friends? Derek: I'm a surgeon. I don't have friends. Meredith: Everybody has friends. I mean, who do you hang out with? What do you do on your days off? These are important questions. Derek: Ah, important for who? Meredith: We're having s*x every night. I think I deserve details. Derek: You have more details than most. Meredith: See, this is going somewhere weird. I want facts, and until I get them, my pants are staying on. Derek: Or you could just roll with it. Be flexible. See what happens. Meredith: I'm not flexible. Derek: (Laughing) There I disagree. Hmm. I've got to go. We'll find these things out. That's the fun part. You know? That's the gravy. Meredith: That is what I'm talking about. I don't want to be your gravy. (Burke and Alex in the waiting area talking with Devo's parents.) Burke: Your daughter needs a valve replacement. Tests are indicative of Von Willebrand's disease, which explains excessive bleeding after the root canal. Man: And that means? Alex: Devo can't take the blood thinners necessary to maintain a mechanical heart valve. Burke: We're suggesting a porcine valve instead. Man: Porcine? As in pig? Burke: It's the standard of care for someone in this situation. Man: Pig, huh? Alex: It's the other white meat. Woman: I don't care what you have to do. Save my daughter's life. (Bailey performing surgery on a woman in the OR) Bailey: I'm removing the lump now. Woman: Someone said you guys have a psychic running around here. Is that true? Bailey: I did not even hear you say that. Woman: Predicted someone would die on the fourth floor. Izzie: ICU's on the fourth floor. People die all the time. Bailey: Ok. We're finishing up here, Mrs. Glass. We'll take this down to Path and get the results of the frozen-section biopsy and see you in a few hours. Izzie: Seriously, the guy is just playing mind games. I can see further into the future than he can. Bailey: Why do you even care about this, Stevens? Izzie: I don't. (Derek examining patient in the ER) Derek: Ok, Mr. Walker. Does that hurt? Mr. Walker: I can't feel anything until you get to my thigh. Derek: Try wiggling your toes. (Toes do not move) Mr. Walker: Are they moving? Derek: No. Mr. Walker: Damn. I could about ten minutes ago. Derek: Well, your spine x-rays look clear. You fell rock climbing? Mr. Walker: In Snohomish. Just a small drop. I was belayed. My wife and boys are on the way. What's wrong with me, anyway? Derek: Hold your legs up (Lifts the mans legs, lets go and they drop) Mr. Walker: Should I be scared now? Derek: Just try and relax. Nurse, I need a stat MRI. Send an intern with him. Make it Meredith Grey. Nurse: Mm-hmm. (George and Alex in an exam room with a patient, Burke is walking by) Alex: Ew. Thick, short neck. That isn't good. It's hard to intubate. You want me to do that? George: He's my patient. I'm fine. I just can't see anything yet. Suction. Alex: Don't break any teeth. George: I know that...don't you think I know that? Alex: Pulse ox down 87 percent. George: Bag him. Alex: Are you sure you don't want me to do that? George: No, damn it! Tube. (Puts tube in forcefully) There. Huh. Got it. (Alex listens to the lungs) Alex: It's in the esophagus. Don't you know an esophagus from a trachea? George: Damn it. Anatomy is all messed up in here. (Burke enters) Burke: Are you trying to kill this patient, O'Malley? Maybe we should send you back to practice on mannequins. George: No, it's just I haven't done his much. But when I have, it's...it's been good. It's just I-I haven't... Burke: Let's review the concepts. Never take your eyes away. Always, always know you can follow through. Alex: Don't ever follow through on one of my patients, O'Malley. (Alex and Burke leave, George looks frustrated.) (Cristina is in the Mr. Duff's room) Mr. Duff: A little Botox would do wonders on those frown lines. Cristina: Ok. Shut up. Mr. Duff: Are you allowed to talk to me like that? (Cristina hisses at him) God, you're hot...in a Mrs. Livingston kind of way. Cristina: See here? (Shows him papers) These are spikes in your temporal lobe. It means you have epilepsy. Not visions. Seizures. Mr. Duff: You think I'm epileptic? That is no not right. Cristina: I'm gonna order an MRI so I can take a closer look at your brain. Mr. Duff: Yeah, there's no way... (Starts having a "vision") Cristina: Mr. Duff? Mr. Duff, can you see me? Can you hear me? Stay with me. Mr. Duff: I wouldn't have picked you for the mommy track, Nurse Betty. (Cristina stares at him) Mr. Duff: See? I told you I know things. This pregnancy thing, you can't run away from it. (Cristina leaves quickly and takes the elevator to the lounge where Bailey and Izzie are.) Cristina: Dr. Bailey, I want off the psychic case. I'll take whatever you got. Can I switch? Bailey: Ask nicely. Cristina: Uh, well, this is me doing nicely. (Bailey stops what she is doing and glares at Cristina) Izzie: Look, I know the type. These guys just want everybody to think they're a slideshow. Let me take him. Bailey: I don't do switches. Cristina: I'll do your post-op notes for a month. Bailey: Fine. I can accept that. Izzie, you get Psych guy. Yang. This is your lucky day. You get to be with me on the breast cancer. And there's spotting. So you'll need to do a pelvic. She's pregnant. (Meredith and Derek looking at Mr. Walker's scans) Meredith: See, this. The guy's films are clear. There's no reason I can see for his creeping paralysis. Derek: It's just so surprising. I expected an intrusion into the spinal space or bony spur in the nucleus pulposus. Meredith: Well, you were wrong. You don't always get what you expect, do you? Derek: What is your problem? Meredith: Give me something to go on. Anything. What are your grandparents' names? Derek: I don't have grandparents. Meredith: Whered you grow up? What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Where'd you spend your summer vacations? Derek: Lighten up. It'll be good for your blood pressure. (Leaves the room) Meredith: Oh, don't you tell me to lighten up. I'll lighten up when I...feel light. (Cristina and Bailey in the breast cancer patient's room, talking with her and her husband) Husband: Don't we have treatment options? I-I mean, aren't there always alternatives? Cristina: With this stage of invasive carcinoma, surgery, chemo, radiation and drug therapy are your only options. Woman: Can I wait until the end of my pregnancy? Cristina: The pregnancy hormones will likely speed the growth of the cancer. Husband: And the baby? Cristina: Oh, none of these courses of treatment will allow the baby to survive. Bailey: Mr. and Mrs. Glass, I understand how difficult this is. Mrs. Glass: No disrespect, but like hell, you do. Bailey: You're going to have to make a decision as to how you want to proceed. Mrs. Glass: You mean my baby's life or my own? Bailey: Yes. (They are shaken) We'll have to evacuate the fetus. (Derek is speaking with Mr. Walker, Meredith enters) Derek: Any changes, Mr. Walker? Mr. Walker: I can't move my legs at all now. Mrs. Walker: He said he was moving his legs when he came in. What's wrong with him? Derek: I don't know. The paralysis is moving very quickly and there was nothing in the MRI to explain it. Meredith: Has Tommy been under any stress lately? Mr. Walker: You know what's making me stressed? Is being in here and not being able to move. Derek: Dr. Grey. Meredith: Emotional trauma can be converted into something physical, right? Derek: Yes, it's possible. Meredith: Like hysterical numbness or paralysis. Maybe there is no physiological reason, and he's just having a conversion reaction. Derek: You think it's psychosomatic? (Curtain behind them flies open) Mr. Duff: It is not in your head, man. I believe you. Izzie: Mr. Duff, please. Derek: Who was that? Meredith: Psych sent him down. He has visions. Mr. Walker: Is that it? Am I crazy? Derek: No. No. I'm gonna order a higher-level MRI. We're gonna figure this out. (Devo's room) Devo: You know how important this is to me! Mother: This is about saving your life, sweetie. Devo: And you're not respecting it, or me. You're letting them put a pig, a freaking non-kosher, traif mammal, into my chest, into my heart! The very essence of my being! Alex: It's a porcine valve, actually. Devo: I don't care what the hell it is. If you give me a pig part, I might as well be dead. Father: I told you this whole Orthodox thing was a mistake. What was so wrong with being plain old Reform like everyone else we know? Devo: You guys don't even light candles Friday nights. You don't even know all the Passover plagues. Alex: Boils, vermin, pestilence. Even I know that. Burke: Miss Friedman, I appreciate your extreme religious convictions. Alex: Fire, hail... Burke: But, simply put, without this procedure, you will die. Devo: You're hotshot doctors. You'll come up with something else. As long as it doesn't answer to Wilbur and say "oink," I don't care what it is. (Izzie loading Mr. Duff into the MRI machine) Mr. Duff: Your nostrils are flaring. Izzie: They are not. Mr. Duff: You're into me. I can tell. "Dr. Small and Angry" was a hot appetizer but you, doc, are a smorgasbord of lust. Izzie: Mr. Duff, you're pressing your luck. Mr. Duff: Would you press it for me? Izzie: I hope you're not claustrophobic. You're staring at me. Stop it. Mr. Duff: I'm looking at you, sweetheart, but it's the strangest thing. I'm hungry for a chocolate cupcake. Izzie: What did you say? Mr. Duff: A chocolate cupcake. Maybe one of those fudgey things with the white squiggle on the frosting. Could you oblige? Izzie: What, do I still have some chocolate on my face or in my hair or something? Mr. Duff: What are you talking about? Izzie: You. I know the drill, so keep it up. Next you'll be reading my cards, telling me my dead uncle is in the room. Mr. Duff: Is he? Izzie: I don't have a dead uncle. I'm watching you. (Cristina is at a desk, smell her sandwich and drops it, Meredith and Izzie are there, George and Alex enter) George: If that's turkey, can I have some? Cristina: It's soggy. Alex: If it'll kill you. Solve everything. George: I coulda gotten that intubation. I am good at intubations. Meredith: (Taking a bite of the sandwich) Why does everything in a hospital smell like a hospital? Izzie: Don't be so hard on yourself, George. Everybody makes mistakes. George: You know, I'm good at a lot of things. Cristina: You know what, I'm gonna tell you something. Hey, George. You need to get laid. See that nurse over there? (Points to a red headed nurse) She's single. She's got red hair. Go ask her out. George: In care you forgot, I intubated an esophagus. Alex: Dude, you're tweaking. Maybe you should go see that psychic. (Alex leaves) Izzie: Mr. Duff is not a psychic! Cristina: I am trying to help you. Go buy her a latte and freshen up your gonads, please. (Cristina leaves) Izzie: Shut up. George: It's not too late to call her. You know, moms like that, surprises on their birthdays. You know, it's very Hallmark. (George leaves, Izzie sits there shaking her head) (Cristina in Mr. and Mrs. Glass' room) Mrs. Glass: I'm 47, you know? I'm 47 and having a baby which is kind of a miracle and it kind of sucks, if you see what I mean. We'd actually given up on the whole kid thing about a year ago. You know, fertility treatments, acupuncture needles in my eyes. Well, not really, but it felt like it. I was like, "Screw this. I want my life back." Then one awesome night on the beach with a bottle of merlot... Cristina: I should have these labs back in a couple hours. Mrs. Glass: You get it, right? My hesitation? This isn't an easy decision, I mean. I'm having a baby. Cristina: You have advanced-stage carcinoma. You're 47 years old, so statistically you have a good probability of survival. Forego treatment, chances are you won't see your baby go to kindergarten, so whose like are you interested in saving? Excuse me. (Mr. Walker in the ER) Mr. Walker: First my legs, then my stomach. God. Doc! Doc, my hands can't move. Derek: Squeeze my fingers. Mr. Walker: I can't. Derek: Right here. No? Let me know if you feel this. (Pokes him with needle) How about that? Here? Anything here? Up here? Ok. Nothing on this side? All right. I'll be right back. Nurse, cancel the second MRI. Call down and prep OR stat. Meredith: You're operating? On what? If there was something to fix, wouldn't we have seen it? Derek: I think the MRI missed a clot somewhere in his upper spine. I'm gonna cut him open. I'm going in. Meredith: What if you're wrong? Couldn't unnecessary spinal surgery do more damage? Derek: If we wait any longer and this expands into his brain stem, we have a paralyzed man who can't breathe. I'm trusting my instincts. Sometimes you've got to take a chance to save a life. (Seattle scenes) (Alex in Devo's room) Alex: Your mitral regurge is getting worse. The valves are leakier than ever. Devo: Are you hitting on me? Alex: If you want me to. Devo: I hear they call you Dr. Evilspawn. Alex: Well, only the people that like me. Devo: I guess that explains the lack of faith thing. Alex: You know, I kind of think of myself as a pagan, but, hey, that's just me. Devo: You know what it's like being a teenager these days? My friends spend most of their time screwing around and getting wasted. At least I have God. Alex: Well, so God wants you to die, huh? Devo: He wants me to be passionate about what I believe in. You don't believe in anything. Alex: Well, my mother used to pray to Saint Jude for me. Devo: How appropriate. Patron saint of lost causes. Alex: Mmm. (Izzie walks up to Bailey in the hall) Izzie: I did an angio on my Psych case. The MRI came out clean, but I saw a ditzel. There's something here. Bailey: Yep, you're right. There's an AVM on his left temporal lobe. Izzie: I'll schedule the OR for tonight then. Bailey: Ohh, back up, girl. Izzie: There's high risk of spontaneous hemorrhage. Bailey: The attending has to see films. We need consent forms. Believe it or not, Stevens, we have to follow protocol. Take a breath. Izzie: But if the AVM looks like it's gonna blow, we fix it, right? Bailey: If the man needs to be fixed, we'll fix him in due time. Why are you moving so quickly? You get too involved with your patients, Izzie. Why do you make everything so personal? Izzie: It's not personal. (Bailey glares at her) It's not. (Mr. Walker in surgery) Derek: We've got to save this cord. This guy's built like the Rock of Gibraltar. Meredith: You want me to start? Derek: No, I'm gonna to cut here from the base of the neck to the rib cage. I want you to hit the bleeders. Meredith: I still don't think we should be doing this. Derek: This guy has a spinal hematoma. Meredith: We don't know that. Derek: Which left untreated are almost always fatal. Meredith: You're cutting blind. Whatever happened to being practical? Derek: I need to see more here. Retractor. Meredith: Wow. The spine. Derek: There's no "wow" in "practical." [SCENE_BREAK] (Bailey and Cristina enter Mr. and Mrs. Glass' room) Mr. Glass: We've decided to go ahead with the evacuation. Mrs. Glass: What the hell, right? Maybe this is how it's supposed to be. Bailey: We need to start chemo right away then. Cristina: We'll get everything ready. (Bailey and Cristina leave the room) Bailey: Have you even done a D and C before. Cristina: We learned at school. Bailey: Ok, uh, go ahead. I'll call an OB resident down to supervise. If she needs anything, page me. (Alex and George in the research room, George slams a book shut and leans toward Alex) Alex: You're using up my oxygen, O'Malley. George: How does a pompous, cocky jackass like you always have women all over him? Alex: Little blue love pills, lots of them. George: Come on. Alex: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. There it is, a bovine xenograft. (Jumps up shouting) O'Malley, you think too much. Can't you see it? You got to dance and jab. Dance and job. Like me. I am the Ali of this place. (Alex enters Devo's room, she is praying in Hebrew) Alex: Does the wall ever bow back? Devo: It's called davening, smartass. This is me communing with God, and you're interrupting. Alex: I've found a transplant option. At first, I thought maybe a cadaver, but they're really hard to find. And then I realized Dr. Burke can transplant a bovine mitral valve instead of the pig (Burke enters just as Alex says this) Father: She can get a cow valve? Mother: Dr. Burke, why wasn't this mentioned before? Burke: Dr. Karev. Alex: The bovine valve has only been an option the last few years. Burke: And it's a much more complicated procedure. Alex: But the best part is it's actually superior to the pig. It lasts longer. (Cut to Burke and Alex in the hallway) Burke: What incredibly small fraction of your brain were you using in there? Alex: What? Burke: Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you not present an alternative procedure without consulting your attending first? Alex: I thought you'd be... Burke: What, impressed? That's just stupid. Alex: I'm sorry... Burke: We're finished here, Karev. You're off this case. (Izzie enters Mr. Duff's room) Izzie: You need to sign these consent forms so we can proceed with your surgery. Mr. Duff: Sweetheart, I'm not signing anything unless it's got my name on it followed by a whole bunch of zeros. Izzie: Look, the AVM is located in this crucial part of the brain. It's a tangle of blood vessels that could burst and affect your speech, among other things. So, we know your visions are actually seizures. Mr. Duff: Do you? Izzie: Do I what? Mr. Duff: Know they're seizures. Izzie: You're really good at reading people, aren't you? Telling them what they want to hear? Mr. Duff: There's a really unfortunate alignment of Saturn in the house of Jupiter right now. Izzie: Ok, I know what you're doing. You watch people, read their body language. You say "chocolate cupcakes," I lean towards you, so you think you're on the right track. Not only do you know you're having seizures, but you're milking it. Mr. Duff: Hmm. Well, we'll just see about that, cricket. Izzie: What? What did you just call me? (Cristina enters Mr. and Mrs. Glass' room) Cristina: I'm gonna do a quick pelvic exam. The OB resident should be down soon. It's a short procedure. Your husband can stay if he likes. Mrs. Glass: We changed our minds. Cristina: Excuse me? Mr. Glass: We've decided to keep the baby. Cristina: You have cancer. Mrs. Glass: Can't you tell me I'll survive if I go through with this? Cristina: Having the procedure does not necessarily improve the treatment outcome. Mrs. Glass: You have quite the bedside manner. You know that, right? My mom died of breast cancer when she was in her 40's. I have that cancer gene. My chances are pretty much lose-lose, whichever way you look at it, except for the baby. We're keeping it. Cristina: I'll call down a Psych consult. Mrs. Glass: Don't bother. I am going to get fat and happy instead of skinny and bald. I am the end of it all... Cristina: Look, if you want to live... Mrs. Glass: Honey, that's what I'm doing. (Cristina is sitting on bed in the on call room when Burke enters) Cristina: Look, if you think you're gonna get any, think again. I'm not in the mood. Burke: I'm not in the mood, either. Cristina: Good. (Pause) What do you want? Burke: Nothing. I just haven't seen you all day. Cristina: So I'm working. Burke: I've never done a bovine replacement before. I don't know what I'm doing. Cristina: Look it up, research it and get someone to assist you. Burke: It's not that easy. Cristina: This is a problem that has a solution, Burke. There are a lot of problems that don't. (Mr. Walker's OR) Meredith: Third thoracic laminae. Nothing. I think I see the dura pulsating here. Derek: No, it's not. Keep looking. Meredith: We have been at this for four hours. Maybe he just injured his spinal cord and there's nothing to fix. Derek: Grey, when you read your books, make sure you reference them correctly. Progressive paralysis implies a pressure lesion. Meredith: My books got me here... Doctor: Pressure's up to 180/111. The pulse is in the 40s. Meredith: What is it? Doctor: I'm pushing 70 milligrams Diazoxide. Derek: Ok. Autonomic dysreflexia. Meredith: Damage to the sympathetic nervous system? Derek: BP and the heart rate are unstable. Meredith: We're in trouble, aren't we? Derek: We've got to find the clot. Meredith: I can see the cord below the dura. Is he gonna stroke out? Derek: Focus, Grey. We're gonna find the clot. It's there. Cleanup, please. Doctor: BP's still up. Heart rate's at 44. Derek: Get on those bleeders. Keep looking, Dr. Grey. (George walking through the hall when he is stopped by Olivia) Olivia: Dr. O'Malley? Our patient's pulse ox is dropping. She's agonal. She needs to be intubated. George: Isn't there anyone else who can do this? Olivia: You're standing right here. I could try and find someone. George: No, that's...I got it. Olivia: Sats down to 86 percent. George: Cric pressure, please. (Burke walks by in the hall) George: Ok. I see cords. Tube. Hurry. Check for breath sounds. Olivia: Clear and equal. CO2 detector mellow yellow. Smooth moves, doctor. George: Kicked ass. (Olivia and George smile and laugh, obviously sharing a moment.) (Burke in the stairwell, runs into Alex) Burke: Oh, Dr. Karev. How long would it take to get a cow valve? Alex: Oh, about 60 minutes by messenger. Burke: You're scrubbing in. Alex: Thank you very much, sir. Burke: This doesn't get you any points, Karev. I'm the only one with points around here, ok? Oh, by the way. Devo wants a rabbi to bless her before surgery. Alex: Seriously? Burke: You came up with the cow, you can find that girl a rabbi. (Mr. Walker's OR) Meredith: What is it? Derek: See for yourself. The second thoracic vertebrae. Meredith: Oh, my God. I see it. It really is there. Derek: Of course it is. Let's suction and pack this baby, shall we? (Scrub room outside Mr. Walker's OR) Meredith: You were right. Is he gonna be ok? Derek: I think so. Meredith: But you don't know that. Derek: I know we stopped the paralysis from advancing. Meredith: But, you don't know if the paralysis he already has will be permanent. Derek: No. Meredith: You know, you keep taking everything on faith. How do you know what's real and what's not? Derek: You just do. You know some people would call this a relationship. The kind where you exchange keys, leave your toothbrush over. Meredith: Who? Who would call it that? Derek: Me. I would. Meredith: And I'm supposed to believe you? Derek: Uh-huh. Meredith: Show me something. Give me a reason to believe. (He walks away) (Cristina enters Mr. Glass' room) Cristina: I have your discharge papers. Mrs. Glass: Oh, you're not happy with me, are you? Cristina: I'm your doctor. It's not my place to be happy. Mrs. Glass: My husband and child are going to be together long after I'm gone. We've talked about it. It's our decision, and that's ok. Cristina: So why do you need my approval? Mrs. Glass: I just want you to understand. Cristina: Well, I don't. (Izzie enters Mr. Duff's room) Izzie: I brought the consent forms again. You really need to sign them. Your surgeon scheduled the OR. Mr. Duff, are you all right? Are you having another seizure? Mr. Duff: Yeah, yeah. I think maybe I am. Izzie: What is it? Mr. Duff: It's me. I think it's about to be over. Izzie: We know what we're doing, Mr. Duff. You saw the angio results. We're catching the AVM just in time. You don't need to be nervous. You're not gonna die. Mr. Duff: I'm not talking about dying. My whole life has been about what I see and about believing in myself, whatever people think. And you're telling me there's a very good chance that will go away. Izzie: Look, you're a healthy guy. You're gonna live a long, full life. And if you're psychic visions are real, you've got to believe you'll have them when you come out. (She hands him the paper, which he signs) (Devo's OR, she is being blessed by the Rabbi) (Burke is standing next to a TV monitor) Burke: This is Dr. Chesney from the Cleveland Clinic. He's an expert on bovine valve replacement surgery. He will be assisting via satellite. Dr. Chesney: Thank you, doctor. After the sternotomy and connection to bypass, we're going to do a transverse left atriotomy to expose the valve. (Interns are in the deserted hallway) Meredith: I tried to talk Shepherd out of that clot surgery. What is wrong with me? Alex: Basically, you tried to kill the guy. Cristina: Basically, you're an ass. Alex: Come on. You know you want it. Come to papi, baby. (George enters) George: This, uh, is George. (Points at his name tag) George has a hot date. Meredith: Oh, that's great, George. George: Yeah. Alex: Left pocket of my lab coat, Georgie. (Gets up to leave) No glove, no love. (George grabs Alex's arm as he is leaving and takes a condom from his pocket) Izzie: My psychic had his surgery. George: Yeah? Izzie: I wonder what happened with his...gift. Cristina: Come on. We all know he's crazy. Meredith: Thought you said you didn't believe in that stuff. Izzie: I grew up in a trailer park. I waited tables, which was supposed to put me through college, but my mother was always calling these psychics all the time. And the bills started piling up, so I had to use my money to pay them. When I turned 18, I left and never went back. But this guy has been saying things to me, things he couldn't possibly know anything about. So I just wonder. (Meredith is examining Mr. Walker) Meredith: Do you have sensation anywhere else? Mr. Walker: Some feeling in my stomach and feet, I guess. Meredith: Bladder and bowels? Mr. Walker: Not so good still. Mrs. Walker: He said the pressure stockings help relieve clots and bedsores? Meredith: They do. Mr. Walker: I wanted to thank you for everything. Believing in me, that I wasn't making it up. Meredith: Well, I'll come back tomorrow, then. Mr. Walker: Hey, I wanted to show you something. I wasn't sure it would last but now look. (He moves his finger) I know it's hardly anything, but... Meredith: No, it's something. It's something really big. MVO: At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. (Izzie in the elevator with Mr. Duff) MVO: It turns up when you don't really expect it. Izzie: Mr. Duff, you're still with us. Mr. Duff: For your recipe...one tablespoon coconut extract. MVO: It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. (Meredith and Derek outside getting into his car) Meredith: Where are we going? Derek: Trust me. (George and Olivia leaving together) MVO: The castle, well...it may not be a castle. (Cristina watches Mr. and Mrs. Glass leave) (Alex in Devo's room) Devo: Does it beat or moo? MVO: And it's not so important that it's happy ever after. (Burke is watching from outside the door) MVO: Just that it's happy right now. (Izzie pulls cupcakes from the oven, screws the lid on the coconut extract, eats one and picks up the phone) Izzie: Mom. It's me. Cricket. MVO: See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. Izzie: I'm good. I've been thinking about you a lot too. (Meredith and Derek outside, it is dark, they are walking) Meredith: Where are we? Derek: Shh, shh. I'm gonna tell you. All right. My mother's maiden name, Maloney. I have four sisters. I have, uh, nine nieces. Five nephews. I like coffee ice cream, single-malt scotch, occasionally a good cigar. I like to fly fish. And I cheat when I do the crossword puzzle on Sunday. And I never dance in public. Um, favorite novel, The Sun Also Rises. Favorite band, The Clash. My favorite color is blue. I don't like light blue, indigo. The scar right here on my forehead, that's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore. And I live in that trailer. All this land is mine. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it. So that's it. That's all you've earned for now. The rest you're just...just gonna have to take on faith. (Meredith takes a few steps toward the trailer) MVO: And once in a while...people may even take your breath away. (Meredith reaches her hand out for him and they walk into the trailer)

Meredith grows increasingly dissatisfied with the unknown details of Derek's life. Meanwhile, Alex treats Devo, a patient whose religious beliefs jeopardize her chances for recovery; Izzie contemplates reconnecting with her estranged mother; Zoey, a pregnant woman in her 40s who's been diagnosed with cancer, disagrees with Cristina's medical advice; and the interns are mystified by Cable, a patient who's being treated for seizures and who thinks he's psychic.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_06x24

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_06x24_0

[CU: WILLIE CUTLER'S EYES & SWEATY BROW] FADE TO [CU: GUN] (Willie Cutler raises the gun.) [SCENE_BREAK] [WILLIE CUTLER] (Willie Cutler fires twice.) (EXTREME SLOW MOTION. The two bullets whiz through the air and across the room.) (One of the bullets hits Brass in the chest, past the bullet-proof vest he's wearing. He grunts at the impact. His eyes grow wide.) (Brass falls back to the floor.) (Behind him, the door bursts open. SWAT runs into the room.) SWAT Leader: (distorted) Get the paramedics. [SCENE_BREAK] [BRASS' POV] (We hear the sounds of a heart-monitoring machine beating regularly.) (Warrick leans over him, hovering next to the SWAT LEADER attending to Brass. He looks worried.) (HOLD on Brass, his face filled with fear. The room breaks out into commotion, both on screen and off. SWAT Leader: Hang in there, Jim, hang in there. SWAT LEADER: Right here. Right here. Good job. (Warrick moves aside. Brass is surrounded by SWAT trying to help him. Someone presses a white towel to his wound.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The paramedics arrive and are working on Brass. He's still on the floor, blood smudged over his face, his eyes glassy and in shock.) Voice: Sir, sir, can you see me? VOICE: Sir, can you hear me? (Brass' hand reaches up wildly in the air.) (Brass is removed from the room.) [BRASS' POV] (The hallway ceiling moves as he is pulled through the corridor on the gurney.) (Blurry flashes of the paramedics pulling the gurney.) (Blurry flashes of the casino lobby's ceiling.) (Blurry flashes of the ambulance as Brass is put in the back.) (Blurry flashes of the paramedics working on Brass in the ambulance.) Distorted Voice: Sir, stay with me. DISTORTED VOICE: Sir? DISTORTED VOICE: He's got a pulse of 120. (The paramedic shines a light in Brass' eyes.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. DESERT PALMS HOSPITAL - ER - TRAUMA HALLWAY - NIGHT] BRASS' POV (The ceiling passes by as Brass is rolled quickly through the corridor. His eyes are open and he's still conscious. He sees images of the paramedics and of people in the hallways as he's wheeled by.) SMASH CUT TO: RESUME TIME: (The emergency doors burst open and the paramedics quickly fill in the physician and nurses on the situation.) Paramedic: (quickly) Fifty-five year-old male, GSW left anterior chest, entering at the level of the deltoid and ac joint. Minimally responsive. He's a cop. ON BRASS: (His vision's blurry and he's still conscious.) Paramedic: (echo-y) Tachycardic in the 120s, BP's 86 over 40 and dropping, 02 stats in the 80s with assisted ventilation ... (The attending physician looks at him as everyone works on him.) Attending Physician: Okay, we're losing a lot of blood here. (fades in and out) We need two large-bore IV's. Run the fluids wide, he's extremely hypotensive. Nurse: We need to get a -- Attending Physician: Absent breath sounds on the left. Likely pneumothorax. Let's put in a chest tube and pressors for that BP stat. (Brass' raised hand suddenly falls. The heart monitor flatlines at zero.) [SCENE_BREAK] Cue Sound: WHINE OF A DEFIBRILATOR POWERING UP [BRASS] (Brass's body lurches as the paddles are charged and pressed to his chest. The heart monitor continues to flatline.) Nurse: Still in v-fib. (The heart monitor is at zero.) Attending Physician: Three hundred! (The paddles whine as they're powered up.) Nurse: Three hundred! Attending Physician: Clear! (Brass' body lurches again as the paddles are charged and pressed to his chest.) Attending Physician: Come on. Come on! (The physician waits for a response. Suddenly.) Attending Physician: Three-sixty! Nurse: Three-sixty! Attending Physician: Clear! (The paddles are pressed to his chest. Brass' body lurches. The heart monitor starts beeping rapidly, the number at 192.) Nurse: (o.s.) Out of v-fib. (Brass gurgles. But he's breathing.) Brass: (V.O.) I envy these parents who live in ignorant bliss because ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE - NIGHT -- FLASHBACK] (Brass is talking.) Brass: ... I know how my daughter Ellie lives. I know the company she keeps and I know what she does to get by. And ... (he shakes his head) ... anyway, I mean, I'm ... I'm ... a couple of nights ago I'm in LA and sitting in my car on Hollywood Boulevard watching her work a corner and my eyes are playing tricks on me because I don't see what she's doing, I see what she was. I see a little six year-old girl with a ponytail, playing with crayons ... singing a little tune to herself. It's ... I don't know, all I want to do is save her. (Grissom is in the room, listening.) Brass: But the thing is, you know, if something happened to me ... I don't think Ellie would, uh ... care. (He picks up the papers off the desk and hands them to Grissom to look at.) Brass: So I'm asking you to do me this favor. There's no one I trust more with my life, or my death ... than you. RESUME SCENE: [INT. DESERT PALMS HOSPITAL - ER - TRAUMA HALLWAY - NIGHT] (The surgeon talks with Grissom. Undersheriff Jeff McKeen is there.) Surgeon: Captain Brass was shot twice. First bullet lodged in his vest. Second entered through his axilla, hit an artery, and is lodged near his heart. He's has internal hemorrhaging. Grissom: Any neural damage? Surgeon: We won't know until we stop the bleeding. If we stop it. (then) Have next-of-kin been notified? Grissom: For, uh, medical purposes, I have his power of attorney. (The surgeon nods.) Surgeon: You may have a decision to make. (then) I'll let you know. (The surgeon turns and exits. Grissom's phone starts ringing. He answers it.) Grissom: (to phone) Grissom. Yeah. (long pause) Okay. (Grissom hangs up and looks at McKeen.) Grissom: DB in Henderson on the train tracks. McKeen: I'll take the first watch. You go to work. (Grissom turns and exits. He turns the corner and there are officers there in the hallway also waiting.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TRAIN TRACKS -- NIGHT] (Grissom and Sofia Curtis walk down the train tracks toward the dead body. Grissom is carrying his kit.) Sofia Curtis: I just spoke with McKeen. I heard it's bad. Grissom: Pretty bad. They're trying to stabilize him. (They walk up to the headless body. David Phillips is there examining the body with Nick.) Sofia Curtis: The last train passed through here an hour ago. The engineer thought he saw a body on the track, but couldn't stop on time. He radioed dispatcher, who called 911. Nick: No ID. Probably decapitated by the train. Grissom: Well, if scavengers nicked his clothes, they left a nice pair of riding boots. Nick: They probably didn't have time to finish the job before other trains roared through here. Sofia Curtis: Well, the engineer isn't saying anything else until his union rep gets here, which ... could be a while. I'll let you know. Grissom: Great. (Sofia walks away while Grissom puts his kit down.) Nick: You know, there's not a lot of blood on the ground for a decapitation like this. Grissom: Well, we don't know how far he was dragged. Where's the head? Nick: I'll find it. (Nick turns and walks along the tracks. Grissom looks around the area and finds a toupee off the tracks.) Grissom: Hey, Nick? Nick: Yeah? Grissom: I think I found a toupee. Our vic may be bald. Nick: (dryly) Thanks, that will help me distinguish it from the other severed heads I find out here. (Grissom nods and heads back to look at the body. David is just unbuttoning the man's undershirt and opens it to reveal an hour-glass figure.) David Phillips: Whoa. (Grissom shines his light on the victim's body.) Grissom: What a waist. SMASH CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TRAIN TRACKS -- NIGHT] (David inserts a thermometer in the victim's torso. He pulls the thermometer out and marks the torso.) Grissom: David, are you getting the liver temp or performing acupuncture? (Sara arrives at the scene and puts her kit down. David sticks the thermometer in again.) David Phillips: Well, his liver's not where it's supposed to be. (He pulls the thermometer out.) David Phillips: Do you think this is some kind of birth defect? (He turns and looks at Sara and Grissom. Grissom looks at Sara.) Grissom: What do you think? Sara: I think I feel fat. (David inserts the thermometer in the torso and finds the liver.) David Phillips: Yes. Got the liver. (Sara sticks her hands in her pockets and thinks about it.) Sara: Suicide? (Quick flash to: [NIGHT] The victim puts his head on the railroad tracks. In the distance, a train whistle blows and the train lights shine.) Sara: (V.O.) A guy loses his shirt at the tables, decides to take a permanent nap on the tracks. (The train whistle blows, arrives at the site and runs over the body on the tracks. The man screams.) RESUME TO SCENE: Grissom: Well, he died with his boots on. (They turn and look at the body.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS SKYLINE - ESTABLISHING - DAY] [INT. UPSCALE APARTMENT BUILDING - HALLWAY -- DAY] (The super leads Catherine down the hallway. The guy is talking continuously.) Super: You don't have to go through the dude's mail. Name's Manny Rupert. He's a new tenant. Paid first and last in cash. (Catherine doesn't say anything. The super continues.) Super: We got a lot of party people around here. You know, so there's loud music every night, but this dude was pumping tunes at seven in the morning. You know, I knock on the door, I go in, that's when I see the dude all laid out on the bed. Uh, figured I better step out, call in the big guns. That's you. (They reach the front door and someone off screen greets them. They wave back.) (Catherine turns to enter the room. The super stops outside the door, offended by Catherine's lack of response to him.) Super: Um, listen ... if my good citizenship is not going to be appreciated here, maybe I just don't call the next one in, you know? (Catherine pops back out of the apartment.) Catherine: Just stay here and shut up. I'll be back to take your prints, assuming they're not already in the system. Super: Um ... okay. (Catherine turns her flashlight on and enters the darkened apartment.) [INT. UPSCALE APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS] (Warrick is already inside looking at the various half-eaten food items on the counter. Empty booze and beer bottles litter the countertops.) (CUT WIDE: Catherine steps into the trashed apartment. The place looks as if there was a wild party there. She heads for the body on the bed. Dr. Robbins is already there examining the body.) (Warrick snaps a photo of a white powdery substance on a glass plate, the joint and pills on the countertop.) (Catherine gets closer to the body on the bed and sees there's a plate of cocaine lines and joints on the bed next to the body.) Catherine: Which of the seven deadly sins are not represented here? Robbins: Petecchial hemorrhaging. Could be from vomiting or asphyxiation. (Catherine nods.) Warrick: This guy was rolling on all cylinders. He was bound to throw a rod. Catherine: Or somebody threw it for him. Pillow or a hand on the face certainly could've done the trick. (Robbins tries to open the victim's jaw and finds it pliable.) Robbins: Well, based on the lack of rigor, TOD's three or four hours ago; tell you more after we clean him up and open him up. (Warrick finds the victim's wallet on the countertop mess. He opens it and checks it.) Warrick: Wallet's empty. (Catherine looks at the broken mirror hanging on the wall and the glass on the floor.) Catherine: You know what they say, it's not a real party till somebody breaks something. (Catherine kneels down and checks the broken glass.) Catherine: I got blood. (Warrick finds a gun in the bedside drawer.) Warrick: I got a noisemaker. (Catherine looks around as Warrick pulls the drawer out to snap a photo of the gun inside.) (Catherine looks at the wall.) Catherine: Bullet holes. (She stands up.) Somebody shot out the mirror. Robbins: No apparent gunshot wounds on the vic. (Catherine takes her jacket off.) Catherine: Let's get busy, boys. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TRAIN TRACKS -- DAY] (Train #100 rolls down the tracks. The train whistle blows.) (Up on the tracks, Nick walks along the bridge, holding his camera. He walks off the bridge and climbs down the side toward the stream.) (He peers inside a barrel with some still-burning contents inside. He snaps photos of the contents. He looks inside and around. He picks up a metal pole and uses it to pick up an item from the bottom of the barrel. He looks at it, then puts it back inside.) (He drops the pole and moves to the side of the stream, something catching his eye. He kneels down and moves away some branches to expose a head.) (Nick reaches down and picks up the head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Sara stands on a ladder and snaps photos of the headless body on the table while David Phillips examines what he can.) (He reaches over to the side and picks up the head. He matches the head to the body.) (Sara continues to snap photos.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (In another lab, Nick uses a shovel and takes the barrel contents out and pours them into a sifting pan on the table.) (He sets the shovel aside and starts to sift the pan, the dirt falling out from the bottom and onto another pan on the table. He sifts through it all and fingers through the larger itemed content left in the pan.) (He picks up a button and blows on it. He wipes it and sees the eagled-shaped pattern on it.) [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Sara leans forward and looks at the torso through a magnifying glass. She picks some fibers off the body and looks at it.) [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Nick continues to go through the items in the pan.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (CAMERA MOVES across the monitor with the images of the head next to the body's neck.) (Grissom walks in the room to listen to Robbins' findings.) Robbins: This man's organs were displaced. It's similar to the way a pregnant woman's internal organs get rearranged to compensate for her expanding uterus. (He points to a scar on the skin.) Some of these blisters are fresh. But there's evidence of scarring and irritation going back years. It all suggests a consistent long-term pressure on the waist. (Robbins places the palm of his hand on the torso's stomach.) (Camera zooms into the victim's torso to a CGI IMAGE of the organs inside the rib cage. We hear squeezing sounds and see the organs shift and move upward to accommodate the pressure.) WHITE FLASH BACK TO SCENE: Grissom: So what? Torture or self-inflicted? Robbins: I don't know. But either way, it must have been agonizing. Grissom: I'm beginning to sense that COD was not decapitation. Robbins: (points) There's a bullet hole ... COD, shot to the head with this. (Robbins hands Grissom a pan with a flattened bullet inside.) Grissom: It looks like lead. .44 caliber is my guess. Robbins: That's a cannon. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - SUNSET] [INT. DESERT PALMS HOSPITAL - CORRIDOR -- DAY] (The surgeon talks with Grissom.) Surgeon: We managed to stop the bleeding, but his condition is critical. Grissom: What are the options? Surgeon: We could try to remove the bullet. Grissom: What are the risks? Surgeon: If we go in, the vertebral artery could be impacted. He could bleed out or stroke out. Permanent incapacitation. Grissom: And without surgery? Surgeon: The bullet could migrate into the artery and, again, cause a stroke or kill him. Or it could stay there for years and do nothing. He might never wake up. Grissom: What are the odds? Surgeon: Mr. Grissom, this isn't a casino. I don't give odds. It's your call. Grissom: Do it. (Grissom nods at him.) [INT. DESERT PALMS HOSPITAL - BRASS' ROOM -- NIGHT] (Brass is unconscious on the bed - heart monitors beep, ventilators extend from his mouth, IV lines run from his arms. Nurses sit nearby charting and monitoring his stats.) (Camera pans across the room to the hallway window. Grissom is standing outside and is on the phone. He's holding a yellow note.) Ellie: (answering machine) Hi, it's Ellie. You know the drill. (The answering machine beeps.) Grissom: (to phone) Ellie, this is Gil Grissom from the Las Vegas Crime Lab. I'm a friend of your father's. [CU: ANSWERING MACHINE] (Grissom's voice continues over the machine, a pack of matches on the table nearby.) Grissom: (from phone) I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but your dad's been shot. (Camera pulls back and we see Ellie smoking a cigarette, listening to the message as it records.) Grissom: (from phone) And his condition is serious. (She inhales, long and slow from the cigarette.) Grissom: (from phone) I think you should come and see him. It would help him a lot. Please call me at 702-555-0141. (She exhales, a long cloud of white smoking streaming out her lips. She closes her eyes and taps the cigarette ash into the tray.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Hodges reports his findings to Nick as they talk and walk down the hallway.) Hodges: White residue on your guy's so-called waist was topical cortisone, prescription strength. (He hands the report to Nick to look over.) Nick: The guy had an itch. Hodges: He was doing more than scratching. Topical doesn't get absorbed into the bloodstream. But Henry says that the guy's blood was flooded with cortisone. (They turn the corner and enter the Trace Lab.) [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Nick walks in and puts the report on the counter. Hodges follows.) Nick: That makes sense, as much orthopedic pain as the guy was in. (Hodges is silent. Nick catches him looking at him.) Nick: Hey, you checking out my waist? Hodges: I'm a 32-incher myself. Same as in college. Nick: Oh. Congratulations. Hodges: Women aren't the only ones who feel the pressure to look good. Time was, having a rotund belly was a sign of prosperity and success. Now it just means you're a lazy glutton, not getting any. Nick: Fibers. Hodges: The fibers from the victim's long johns are consistent with the fibers found in the burned-up clothes. (He points to the scope. Nick looks in the scope at the fibers.) [INSERT SCOPE VIEW: FIBERS] Nick: Means those were the clothes he was wearing. Hodges: Raw wool, dyed grey. Nick: Did you get a manufacturer? Hodges: No one from my database. But I did find pomegranate berry extract used to turn wool dye in the 1800s. [INSERT SCOPE VIEW: DIFFERENT FIBERS VIEW] Nick: There's insect activity all over these fibers. Maybe moths or mites. Check it out. (Hodges looks at the scope.) Hodges: Means that the fabric was old. Vintage clothing, maybe? Nick: Maybe. Did you analyze the bone fragments? Hodges: I'm only one highlygifted person. (Nick sighs. That means no. He leaves the lab.) Hodges: I'll let you know. [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Grissom is walking through the hallway when Nick finds him.) Nick: You been to the hospital? Grissom: They're prepping him for surgery. Nick: I'll keep good thoughts. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Henry Andrews reports to Warrick.) Henry Andrews: Mr. Party till I drop. His blood alcohol level was .28. Warrick: Point two-eight?! That's barely conscious for most people. That's like falling down drunk. Henry Andrews: Drunk just gets you in the door. We're also talking cocaine, opiates, barbiturates, methamphetamine, MDMA, THC. Serum was milky white with triglycerides. Warrick: Wow. If it was illegal, fun or nasty, this guy was into it. Wendy Simms: (o.s.) Yeah, I'll say. (They turn and Wendy Simms walks into the lab with her own report.) Wendy Simms: I just analyzed the secretion swabs you collected from his body. Warrick: Was there enough for DNA? Wendy Simms: Oh, yeah. The donor's female. She's consistent with both the blood from the mirror and the pubic hair from the victim's mouth. And then I ran the profile through CODIS, and you got really lucky. (She hands Warrick the file folder and photo.) Wendy Simms: She's a local prostitute. She's in the system for a trick roll. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins reports his findings to Catherine.) Robbins: There's evidence of sexual activity in every orifice, including his ears. Catherine: You joking? Robbins: No. We've got pubic hairs, vaginal secretions. Catherine: Maybe he suffocated during oral s*x. Robbins: Would you care to move on to stomach contents? Catherine: Guess we're done with the appetizers. Robbins: Well, the main course was enough alcohol and cake to cater a wedding. Catherine: Well, at least he went out in style, hmm? (Quick flashback to: [APARTMENT ROOM] FAST FORWARD. The man and two women gorge themselves on food, drink and drugs. They move to the bed. They move out of the bed and back to the counter for more food, drink and drugs.) BACK TO SCENE: Robbins: Alone, maybe none of it would've been fatal, but taken all together ... Catherine: ... means he died with a smile on his face. Robbins: Among other things. (Catherine and Robbins share a chuckle. The door opens and David Phillips enters with a covered body on a gurney.) David Phillips: (absently) Hey. Just came from the hospital. (Suddenly, all laughter and levity dies in the room. Catherine stares at David, her mouth open with shock and horror.) (He looks at their reaction and realizes what they must be thinking.) David Phillips: Oh. No, no. (points to the body) Traffic fatality. (Catherine's eyes close with relief.) David Phillips: Sorry. (Catherine covers her eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DESERT PALMS HOSPITAL - OR WAITING ROOM -- DAY] (Camera pans across the room. Nurses move around inside. Out in the hallway, Grissom turns the corner and sees Greg sitting on a chair.) Grissom: Where's McKeen? (Greg stands up.) Greg: (joking) I sent him home. (then) Just kidding. He, uh, went to get something to eat. Brass just went into surgery. (There are other officers in the hallway waiting.) Greg: You two have known each other for a long time. Grissom: We've worked together ever since he came from New Jersey. Greg: Just between you and me, does he always wear a suit? Like when you guys go to dinner, the movies or whatever it is you do when you hang out. 'Cause I got to tell you, thought of him in a sweater kind of freaks me out. Grissom: We don't "hang out," Greg. Greg: No kidding. (shrugs) I just assumed ... (In the silence, voice off screen rises. Grissom turns to look.) Ellie Brass: (o.s.) What do you mean consent was given? Nobody has asked my consent to do anything, and I'm his daughter. Nurse: (o.s.) I understand you're upset, miss, but there's no need to take that tone. (He turns the corner and sees Ellie Brass at the nurse's station. He walks up to her.) Ellie Brass: Look, I'm just here to see my father, okay? He's a cop. Nurse: He's in surgery. The only thing you can do right now is take a seat and wait until he gets out. Grissom: Excuse me, Ellie? Ellie Brass: What? Grissom: I'm Gil Grissom. Thanks for coming. Ellie Brass: So I guess you're the one who's in charge. How long is his surgery going to take? Grissom: Probably a few hours. Ellie Brass: Look, I just got off a bus, I would really like to take a shower and change and maybe get a little rest. Do you have the keys to his house? Grissom: No. Ellie Brass: Well, you're a cop, right? How 'bout you just let me in? Grissom: You know, there's a motel just down the street. I'll get you a room. Ellie Brass: Do you want to check my arms? (She pulls up her sleeves.) Go ahead. All right? It looks like Daddy already told you all about me. I don't even know why I bothered to come. (She grabs her bag off the counter, turns and storms away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Grissom is sitting in his office looking through a book when Sara walks in carrying a file folder.) Sara: How's it going? You okay? (She puts a hand on his shoulder. He looks at her.) Grissom: I'm okay. (She looks at him for a moment, assessing. She then looks at the book he's flipping through. A book with picture ads for MADAME DOWDING.) Sara: That's a ... man in a corset. Grissom: Corset-training. A venerable practice. Sara: Maybe for Scarlett O'Hara. Since when was it equal opportunity? Grissom: In Victorian times, it was considered a staple of masculine attire. Students in British boarding schools were encouraged to lose an inch a year from the time they were 14 on. (Sara takes a breath and sits down.) Sara: I guess I should feel comforted that sadistic ideas of beauty aren't restricted to women. Grissom: Mmn. (He flips to the next page - a photo of a man with a tiny waist. The headline on top reads, "BODY PLAY.") Grissom: It's called a wasp-waist, which is revealing. A wasp is from the insect group hymenoptera. The notion of hymen indicates virginity. In predacious wasps, the genitalia no longer function as a reproductive organ. It's used as a stinger. Sara: Go in for s*x and get stung. Pretty much every man's fear. Grissom: (nods) Mm. (beat) The victim was shot, body dumped, clothes burned. (She gives him the file folder.) Sara: The corset, too. The bone fragments that Nick found at the crime scene were whalebone, which is what they used to make corsets out of. Where did you learn so much about corsets? Grissom: (enigmatically) I have my sources. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS SKYLINE (STOCK) - ESTABLISHING - DAY] [INT. ANTIQUE CLOTHING STORE -- DAY] (CAMERA MOVES PAST an old sewing machine and trays of various items, stacks of books, mannequins in old clothes. Victorian suits and dresses and other turn-of-the-century items.) Mr. Phillipe: (o.s.) The embroidery is Chinese, silk. The lace is made from hand-tatted linen thread. Ribs are pure whalebone. They don't make them like this anymore. (Mr. Phillipe is talking with Sara while showing her an antique whalebone corset on a female mannequin bust.) Sara: I'm sure the whales appreciate that. How many, if any, do you sell to men? Mr. Phillipe: More than you'd think. Many men with back problems have remarked how much better a boned-tabbed Elizabethan corset feels than a steel back brace. Sara: Oh. Uh, let's focus on your customers that don't have back problems. Mr. Phillipe: Ms. Sidle, people's private lives are their own business. I don't want to ... Sara: (interrupts patiently) Mr. Phillipe, I have a dead man with a 19-inch waist and no way to identify him. Any help at all would be appreciated. Mr. Phillipe: Do you have a picture? Sara: I have a head shot. (She opens the file folder and shows him the photo of the victim's head, cleaned up and on the autopsy table.) (Mr. Phillipe starts hyperventilating.) Mr. Phillipe: Oh, my God, that's, uh, that's, uh, Caleb Carson. He comes in once a year for a re-stitch and, uh, reinforcement. Sara: Is he into pain, masochism? Mr. Phillipe: I don't know. Sara: How about cross-dressing? Mr. Phillipe: I seriously doubt that. Sara: How come? Mr. Phillipe: Mr. Carson never spoke much, but he was the type of man who, when he came into the store, if I were sitting down, I'd immediately stand up. He treated me like a servant. And, truth be told, he actually made me feel like one. Sara: I'm going to need his address. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CARSON RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Sara and Sofia enter Caleb Carson's residence. They look around at the various civil war memorabilia in the large room. Sofia stops in front of a portrait.) Sofia Curtis: Colonel Caleb "C.C." Carson. 1864. (They look at the portrait.) Sara: Resembles the victim. At least from the neck up. (They share a smile and soft chuckle.) (They note the various photos on the fireplace mantle.) Sofia Curtis: These are civil war-era photos. Sofia Curtis: They didn't smile much back then. Sara: Subjects had to hold completely still for five minutes. Otherwise, the exposure would blur. It hurt to hold a smile. Sofia Curtis: Bet these hurt more. (Sofia looks down at the collection of guns and bullets in the display case. She leans forward and looks at the bullets.) Sofia Curtis: It's the same caliber killed the vic. Sara: They don't make 'em like they used to. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CARSON RESIDENCE -- DAY] ("Dixie" and gunfire play on recording in the background. The camera shows various close-ups of various Civil War soldiers - both blue and the gray in a recreation of a battle display. We see various views of the toy soldiers by the light of a flashlight.) (Grissom reaches down and picks up a toy piece and looks at it closely. Sofia walks in.) Sofia Curtis: Warrick just called from the hospital. They got the bullet. Grissom: How's he doing? Sofia Curtis: He hasn't regained consciousness yet. Grissom: This fellow seems to have lost his way. Sofia Curtis: Is this Gettysburg? Grissom: You into military history? Sofia Curtis: My dad was. Used to spend the summer touring Pennsylvania in an RV, so I could learn things. Grissom: You were a lucky girl. (Sofia smiles.) Grissom: Pickett's charge, I think. The Confederates advanced from this position to Cemetery Ridge. They marched to their doom, but kept their honor. Carson obviously was a son of the South. [INT. CARSON RESIDENCE - BEDROOM -- DAY] (Sara is printing the back of a corset on a mannequin bust when Sofia and Grissom walk in.) Sofia Curtis: Looks comfortable. Grissom: Well, he was into discipline and self-denial. Sara: This corset ties from the back, which means Mr. Carson couldn't have tied the laces by himself. INSERT: FLASHBACK (Caleb Carson is in the bedroom wearing a corset as a second man tightens it for him.) Sara: (V.O.) He had to have help. (He turns around and faces the camera.) RESUME TO SCENE: (Grissom looks down and sees a photo on the table. He opens the frame and inside is an old photo of a man wearing a corset.) (Sara tape-lifts the print off the corset. Grissom shows the photo to Sofia.) Grissom: Seems to run in the family. (He flips the photo over and shows it to Sara.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESERT PALMS HOSPITAL - CORRIDOR -- DAY] (Warrick is walking outside and talking on the phone when he sees Ellie smoking and waiting.) Warrick: (to phone) Oh, I don't really know. I ... you know what? Let me call you back, okay? (Warrick walks over to Ellie.) Warrick: Ellie? (She turns around and sees Warrick.) Hey. You know your father's out of surgery. Ellie Brass: Yeah. How's he doing? Warrick: It's a little too early to tell, but I know when he wakes up, he'll be happy to see you. Ellie Brass: You think so? Warrick: I know so. You look good. Ellie Brass: Yeah, you mean I don't look like a crack whore anymore? Warrick: That's not what I meant, but no. Ellie Brass: Does he ever talk about me? (Warrick remains silent.) That's a no. Warrick: Look, what do you want me to say, hmm? It's not really about you right now, okay? But the fact that you're here is saying a lot. (She finishes up her cigarette, tosses it on the ground and smashes it out.) Ellie Brass: Yeah, well, thanks for clearing that up for me. (Ellie walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS SKYLINE - ESTABLISHING - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (OPEN on Catherine.) Catherine: Remember that trick roll that you pled out last year? (Catherine is interviewing Sindee, a hooker.) Sindee: I have no idea what you're talking about. Catherine: Your DNA in our database says that you do. (beat) We found your blood in Manny Rupert's apartment, with him lying there dead. (She swallows.) If you Belushi'd the guy, maybe you didn't mean to. Now would be the time to say it. Sindee: Look, I'm the victim here. Catherine: Funny, you don't look dead. Sindee: (sighs heavily) Look, the whole night started out normal, okay? I mean, he paid for everything. He was kind of fun. WHTIE FLASH TO: [INT. UPSCALE APARTMENT - NIGHT -- FLASHBACK] (The champagne cork pops. In the background, Manny and Sindee are kneeling on the bed as Manny pours champagne down Sindee's open mouth.) Sindee: (V.O.) ... and he was up for anything. I mean, there was champagne, e, coke, cake. (Cut to: Manny and Sindee are kissing.) Sindee: (V.O.) And he wasn't even badlooking. (Cut to: The two continue to kiss, the bed creaking as they move.) WHITE FLASH TO -- BACK TO SCENE: Catherine: So, how did it go so bad? Sindee: Well, usually, a guy is good for maybe one or two. This guy wanted more after six, if you know what I mean. Catherine: No "off" switch? Sindee: No, not even close. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. UPSCALE APARTMENT - LATER] (Through the mirror's reflection, we see that Sindee is disheveled and in her underwear. She gathers her things as she tries to leave.) Sindee: It's getting kind of late. (Manny grabs her wrist and doesn't let go.) Manny Rupert: No, look, you're not ... you're not going anywhere! (She tugs her arm trying to get free from him.) Sindee: Okay, honey, you need to get some rest. (She pulls her arm free. Manny reaches for the gun in the nightstand.) Manny Rupert: No. I paid for the whole night! (He fires. The bullets hit the mirror, smashing it.) Sindee: (screams) Ow. Ouch. Ow. (Sindee heads for the door anyway, her bare feet stepping over the broken glass.) (CU: HER FOOT) (She cuts her foot on the glass, leaving her blood behind.) WHITE FLASH TO: BACK TO SCENE: Sindee: He was whacked out, but he was alive when I bolted. Catherine: Well, that's a great story, but it doesn't sound like it was worth the ten g's that we found in your purse. Sindee: I earned that money. Catherine: Don't take it personally, but you are not a $10,000-a-night girl. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- DAY] (Warrick enters to find Mandy Webster at the monitor surrounded by latent lifts. She appears busy.) Warrick: Are you finished processing those prints from Manny Rupert's apartment? Mandy Webster: Does it look like I have? (off his nod) So far, the decedent's prints are everywhere. Got them on liquor bottles, drug paraphernalia, the gun, the dishes. Are you looking for something in particular? Warrick: We're looking for anything the hooker might have touched. We're thinking she might have slipped him something that pushed him over the edge. (Mandy looks at the file folder with photos and matching print lifts.) Mandy Webster: Uh ... I got her prints off of the bedpost, the chair, and a soda can. She didn't touch the booze or pills. Maybe she's in AA. Warrick: Hmm. Maybe she's not a killer. (Warrick turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Sofia Curtis interviews Gregory Kimble.) Gregory Kimble: I just can't believe it. I've been with Mr. Carson for years. Sofia Curtis: How do you mean? Gregory Kimble: Nothing like that. I was his driver. I take it you got my fingerprints from my work card? Sofia Curtis: That's right. They were on one of Mr. Carson's corsets. Gregory Kimble: I was also Mr. Carson's dresser. Sofia Curtis: What did that entail? Gregory Kimble: In the 19th century, a dresser's job was to help gentleman soldiers with their equipment. Sofia Curtis: So, you dressed him in rebel drag. Gregory Kimble: If you're asking, did I lace his corset, of course. Every morning. Sofia Curtis: Did it hurt? Gregory Kimble: Absolutely. But he controlled the pain. Sofia Curtis: When was the last time you saw him? Gregory Kimble: Yesterday morning. Sofia Curtis: At the house. Gregory Kimble: No. At a duel. Sofia Curtis: A duel? Where? Gregory Kimble: Gettysburg. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BATTLEFIELD ON OUTSKIRTS OF VEGAS -- DAY] (Soldiers line up, their guns raised. Smoke billows around them as they fire.) (On the other side, cannons fire. A man screams as he's thrown in the air.) (Camera pulls back to reveal a Civil War re-enactment - two sides of soldiers in Civil War uniforms, the blue and the grey, waving guns and firing smoke.) (The war re-enactment continues.) (Grissom and Sofia interview a Union Soldier, his arm in a sling. Behind him, another soldier stands nearby listening.) Sofia Curtis: If all you do is Civil War recreations, why were you and Caleb Carson having a duel? Union Soldier: Ugh! Apparently, I offended him. INSERT: FLASHBACK [EXT. BATTLEFIELD - SEVERAL DAYS AGO -- DAY] (During the middle of a re-enactment, the Union Soldier leans casually against a cannon while talking on his cell phone.) Union Soldier: (to phone) Honey, I'm right in the middle of Cemetery Ridge here. I care what we have for dinner. Well, check the cupboards ... (Caleb Carson walks up to him and knocks the phone out of his hands.) Caleb Carson: Sir! You dishonor the dead. (The Union Soldier leans down to pick up the phone.) Union Soldier: Damn it, Caleb, that was my wife I was talking to. (He hangs up.) Caleb Carson: My great-great grandfather spilled blood on this hallowed ground. Union Soldier: Oh, really? (scoffs and looks around) I didn't know Gettysburg was in Nevada. Caleb Carson: I demand satisfaction. (He takes out a white glove and slaps the Union Soldier's cheek.) Caleb Carson: I challenge you to a duel, sir! (The Union Soldier sighs heavily.) Union Soldier: Okay. Fine. Let's do it. (He turns and walks away.) WHITE FLASH TO: BACK TO SCENE: Union Soldier: I'd never reenacted a duel, so, uh, we agreed to meet on the field of honor with our pistols. Grissom: And real bullets? Union Soldier: No, no, not in my gun. No, I figured we were just going to blast some powder and then go out for pancakes. Caleb wanted a little more authenticity. INSERT: FLASHBACK [EXT. BATTLEFIELD - DAWN] (The two men stand back to back. On the side, their seconds stand watching.) Gregory Kimble: Guns at the ready and ... (The two men start walking in separate directions.) Gregory Kimble: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. (Caleb Carson stops, turns and fires. The bullet hits Union Soldier in his arm. He screams and falls to the ground.) WHITE FLASH TO: BACK TO SCENE: (The Union Soldier lifts his elbow in his sling.) Union Soldier: Look, this isn't a recreation, you know. He really shot me. Almost nicked the bone. It's a good thing my second was there. (He points to BUGLE BOY standing behind him.) Union Soldier: He's a male nurse. (BUGLE BOY shrugs and nods. Grissom smiles and nods back.) Sofia Curtis: A man shoots you, and you don't call the police? Union Soldier: He shot me 'cause I was taking a cell phone call. What do you think he was going to do if went to the cops? When that bullet hit me, I ran for my life. I jumped in my car and got the heck out of ... Sofia Curtis: What about him? Union Soldier: Oh, we-we carpool. (Grissom nods at the gun hanging from Union Soldier's belt.) Grissom: Colt .44? Union Soldier: (pats the gun) Yeah. Grissom: Is that your dueling pistol? (Union Soldier nods.) Grissom: We're going to have to take that with us. Union Soldier: Why? Grissom: I, too, demand satisfaction. (Grissom looks at him. He turns and looks back at Bugle Boy.) (The Civil War soldier continues to play fighting.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BATTLEFIELD -- DAY] (Sara and Grissom are back to back. Sara lifts up her camera.) Sara: Ready? (Grissom lifts up his camera.) Grissom: Ready. (They start counting their paces as they head in opposite directions.) Sara/Grissom: (both) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. (They both whirl around. Sara snaps her camera first. Grissom snaps his camera.) (They grin at each other.) (Sara turns and starts looking at the ground around the area. She finds blood on some leaves on the ground.) Sara: (shouts) I got blood drops. Heading way from Mr. Carson. Consistent with the duelist's story. INSERT: FLASHBACK (A gun fires. A man screams and the two men run from the area.) RESUME TO SCENE: (Grissom looks down at the ground and finds a larger circle of red-colored leaves.) Grissom: I got something here, too. This could be the blood that we didn't find at the train tracks -- it's a lot of blood. (Sara kneels down to work. Grissom raises camera and snaps photos of the bloody leaves.) Grissom: Maybe Carson was killed here? (Sara looks back at Grissom. Grissom raises his camera to take more photos.) WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. DESERT PALMS HOSPITAL (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. HOSPTIAL - RECOVERY ROOM -- DAY] (Brass is in recovery. Out in the hallway, Ellie watches through the windows. Behind her, Nick watches Ellie. He turns the corner and continues his phone conversation.) Nick: (to phone) Yeah, she's here. Been drinking a ton of coffee and going outside for smokes; on her cell. Not real sociable, you know? You want me to keep an eye on her? Grissom: (from phone) It sounds like you already are. Nick: (to phone) Nah. I'm off the clock. I'll stick around for a while, let you know if there's any change. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Grissom is moving through the hallway.) Grissom: (to phone) Thank you, Nick. (Grissom hangs up and heads to the Ballistics Lab.) [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Grissom enters the lab while Bobby Dawson works.) Grissom: Did you compare the bullet from the victim to this pistol? Bobby Dawson: Uh, no, not yet, but, boss, I don't think that's your murder weapon. Grissom: And you know this how? Bobby Dawson: Uh, here, I'll let Hawkeye show you. (Bobby slides the borescope down the barrel of the Colt. Grissom looks at it.) INSIDE THE BARREL: ( -- is coated with a residue.) Grissom: What is that? Bobby Dawson: Well, Hodges will have to confirm, but I'm pretty certain it's cream of wheat. (Grissom stands up.) Grissom: So he's a cereal killer. Bobby Dawson: (amused) Snap, crackle and pop. Uh, the dried powdered wheat particles actually augment the smoke, and, uh, seal the gunpowder in the cylinder. Grissom: Which would be perfect for Civil War re-enactments. Bobby Dawson: (nods) Yeah. I don't think that Colt's fired a real bullet in quite a while. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CORONER'S OFFICE - AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY] FROM INSIDE THE MORGUE DRAWER (Dr. Robbins pushes Manny Rupert's body back into the drawer.) Warrick: (V.O.) Miss Rupert, as far as we can tell, your brother died from diabetic shock. (Dr. Robbins shuts the drawer door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CORONER'S OFFICE - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Warrick is talking with Darcy Rupert, who is devastated by her brother's death.) Darcy Rupert: What? How? Warrick: Well, it seems that he went on a bender. He consumed a great deal of alcohol, sugar and narcotics. Did he party like this a lot? Darcy Rupert: No. No. He was just diagnosed as pre-diabetic. Warrick: So he was aware of his condition. Darcy Rupert: (nods) Yeah. Warrick: Do you think that this was self-induced? Darcy Rupert: (sighs) You know, our family has a history of heart disease and diabetes. Both our parents died of heart attacks in their forties. Two of our grandparents, too. Well, Manny turned forty last week and he acted like it was a death sentence. You know, but he ... he always said, "You can't fight bad genes." You know, he had a vasectomy when he was 22. Warrick: Hmm. Darcy Ruper: Never got married, just didn't see the point. Warrick: So he just ... gave up? He quit? Darcy Rupert: You don't know what it's like to live with a death sentence hanging over your head. Warrick: No. You're right, I don't. Darcy Rupert: No. Warrick: But I've seen what it's like to not have a choice. And he did. He could have fought it, but he just chose not to. Darcy Rupert: You know, I just lost my brother, and you're judging him? How dare you. (Warrick takes a deep breath and stops.) Warrick: I'm-I'm so very sorry for your loss. (He walks away from her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY] [COMPUTER MONITOR] Medical Research Gunshot Wounds -- arterial access to a part of -- -- or debris in the arterial b-- -- embolus is most frequently-- [NEXT SCREEN] data suggests, that in -- post-operative strokes -- in sixty -two percent of -- In thrombotic -- (Grissom sits at his desk and is reading on-line information about Brass' injuries.) (Sofia walks up and knocks on the door before entering.) Sofia Curtis: Am I interrupting? Grissom: No. Sofia Curtis: I just got a heads up from a friend in Payroll at PERS. Ellie Brass just called about Jim's pension. She wanted to know how much there was and was she a beneficiary. (Grissom pulls his glasses off.) Sofia Curtis: This girl is circling like a vulture. Jim doesn't need this kind of energy around him now. Now ... Ellie's been in a lot of trouble with the law. It wouldn't be difficult to chase her out of town. Grissom: Well, I'm sure he'd appreciate the offer, but I don't think he'd want you to do that. (Just then, Wendy Simms enters.) Wendy Simms: Excuse me. I got the DNA results for your decapitated Civil War corset victim, and the blood from the field is a match to Carson ... but the epithelials on the toupee from the train tracks are not. So, were any of your suspects wearing a rug? Sofia Curtis: I can think of one. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Sara and Sofia sit facing Gregory Kimble as he removes the hairpiece.) (He puts it in the bag Sara's holding open for him.) Gregory Kimble: Please be careful. That's a very expensive piece. (Sara seals the bag.) Gregory Kimble: I don't understand why I'm here again. It's not a crime to lose your hair. Sofia Curtis: Depends on where you lose it. Sara: If it's on the train tracks near a decapitated body with the victim's blood on it, it's usually a crime. Sofia Curtis: Mr. Kimble, would you like to revise your prior statement? Sara: Or would you prefer to wait in a cell while we match toupees? Gregory Kimble: It was an accident. Sofia Curtis: Which part? Gregory Kimble: I suppose mostly the part when I shot him. I could see the insanity in his eyes. WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. BATTLEFIELD - DAWN -- FLASHBACK] (At the duel, Caleb Carson whirls around, points, aims and shoots the Union Soldier. The Union Soldier screams and falls to the ground with a thud. Gregory Kimble turns aghast at Caleb Carson.) Gregory Kimble: Mr. Carson, you shot him! You really shot him! (Gregory Kimble heads over to Caleb Carson. Bugle Boy turns to help Union Soldier.) (Caleb Carson cocks his weapon again and points it.) Caleb Carson: And I intend to kill him. (Gregory Kimble reaches him.) Gregory Kimble: Don't shoot. Caleb Carson: Get out of my way! (Gregory Kimble wrestles with Caleb Carson for the gun as the Union Soldier and Bugle Boy run away.) Gregory Kimble: Please! (They struggle for the weapon and it fires. Caleb Carson falls backward.) WHITE FLASH TO: BACK TO SCENE: Gregory Kimble: He was really going to kill that man. Sofia Curtis: If it was an accident, you should have called 9-1-1. Gregory Kimble: I couldn't let him be found like that. His corseting was private. Sara: You're right, it's much better to have his body found stripped and dumped on some train tracks. Gregory Kimble: His great-great-great grandfather died trying to stop a Yankee train from entering Virginia. Legend has it he stood square on the tracks firing at the engineer until the train ran him down. Mr. Carson spoke of it frequently. He said it was an honorable death. I was just trying to give him the same. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY] (An officer escorts an irritated Ellie down the hallway. She pulls her arm out from Officer Metcalf's grip.) Ellie: All right, look, are you guys arresting me or what? Officer Metcalf: Hey, don't get in my face. All he told me was bring you here. (They stop in front of Brass' office.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE - CONTINUOUS] (Grissom greets her.) Grissom: Hi. Come in. (Ellie shrugs and steps into the office. She notes the nameplate on the desk.) Grissom: This is your dad's office. Ellie Brass: Yeah, I can read. Grissom: Have a seat. Ellie Brass: Why? Grissom: Why not? (Ellie moves around the desk and sits on the desk. She props her feet on the corner of the desk.) (She looks over and finds a framed photo of a blonde-haired girl on the desk. It's her. She chuckles as she seems to remember.) Ellie Brass: Oh, wow. Grissom: That's the reason we asked you to come in. Ellie Brass: That's like loving a puppy. That's easy. You know, did you ever think that maybe he's better off just lying there and not waking up? A lot easier. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DESERT PALMS HOSPITAL - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Dr. Stewart pours himself a cup of coffee as he talks with Catherine. They're both standing in the lounge looking at Brass through the window.) Dr. Stewart: Every patient is different, but for now, no change is good news. (Catherine's phone rings; she answers it.) Catherine: Excuse me. (to phone) Hi, Lindsey. I know, I told you that I might be a little while. No, I said that we could try and see a movie. Hey, you know what? I've got a friend here who is fighting for his life. I would appreciate a little understanding. I will talk about this with you later. Good-bye. (She hangs up.) Dr. Stewart: How old? Catherine: Fourteen. Supposedly. Dr. Stewart: I got one of those in high school myself. World's pretty small at that age. (The alarms start ringing.) Catherine: It feels pretty small to me right now, too. Voice: (over PA) Code blue. Code blue. (The doctor leaves the room as the crash cart is pushed and brought to Brass' room.) (Grissom and Ellie walk in to stand next to Catherine and watch.) (The nurses and personnel work on Brass.) (As they work, Ellie grabs Grissom's sleeve. It's a tense moment as they watch the nurses and physicians work.) (The heart monitor comes down.) Nurse: He's coming back. That's an improvement. Doctor: Okay, we're back. (The crisis is over.) (Brass stirs on the bed, his eyes open and he sees Ellie.) (Ellie stares.) (Brass raises his hand, his finger reaching for her.) (Ellie shakes her head and slowly backs away from the window. She backs away, turns and leaves.) (Grissom looks at Brass. He turns and looks at the empty space next to him where Ellie was standing. She's gone.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESERT PALMS HOSPITAL (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. DESERT PALMS HOSPITAL - BRASS' ROOM - NIGHT] (Brass is awake and off the ventilator. Grissom is standing next to him. Behind him in the hallway, officers look into the room through the window.) Brass: Hey. Grissom: Hey. Have some water. (Grissom lets Brass drink from a cup and a straw.) Brass: Thanks for not pulling the plug. Grissom: Your, uh, fan club is here. (He turns and indicates the second window in the hallway where the CSIs and Dr. Robbins wait, smile and wave to him.) (Brass nods and waves back.) (Catherine smiles, turns and hugs Dr. Robbins. Sara is hugging Warrick, who has a hand on Nick's shoulder. Greg turns around and hugs Catherine.) (Brass smiles.) (Grissom looks at Brass and sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. BEDROOM -- NIGHT] (CLOSE-UP ON Grissom as he lounges on the bed in a blue and white shirt, pondering death. The camera slowly pans around him, picking up various clues from the bedroom - warm lights, photos and other knick-knacks on the bed stand behind him.) Grissom: (thoughtfully) I don't know. Most people want to die in their sleep, I suppose. Never know that it's happening. (Behind him we see pale cream and sage-colored pillows in front of the headboard.) (Grissom continues to think out loud.) Grissom: Like a crime scene. Surprise, you're dead. I'd prefer to know in advance that I was going to die. I'd like to be diagnosed with cancer, actually. Have some time to prepare. (On the second night stand, we see more photos, knick-knacks, flowers and an alarm clock.) (Grissom sighs as he stares off in the distance and continues to ponder death. The camera continues to pan around Grissom.) Grissom: Go back to the rain forest one more time. Re-read 'Moby Dick.' Possibly enter an international chess tournament. (The camera stops behind Grissom and on the connecting bathroom doorway. From the angle, we see the waist and legs of a woman in an off-white knee-length robe exit the bathroom. She enters the bedroom and heads toward Grissom.) (He continues to ponder death and good-byes.) Grissom: At least have enough time to say good-bye to the people I love. (Sara kneels down in front of the bed, her arms reaching out along the bed cover. She shakes her head and smiles as she responds.) Sara: I'm not ready to say good-bye. (Camera holds on Grissom as he smiles at her.)

The CSIs wait by the bedside of Brass, who is transported to the hospital, and is fighting for his life. Grissom faces a hard choice by having the power of attorney (rather than Brass' daughter Ellie), and decides to proceed with the risky operation to recover the bullet. Meanwhile, the rest of the team investigates the strange ways of life of two victims: a Civil War re-enactor found decapitated by a train, and a 40-year-old man found dead in a hotel.

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ACT 1, SCENE 1 - THRONE ROOM: (In preparation for her beheading, Catherine runs through the motions with the executioner, but in typical Catherine fashion, she still carefully threads her corset, braids her hair and puts on expensive jewelry) Catherine: (to the executioner): Make the blows sure and quick ... (The executioner runs his axe across a blade, making sure it's sharp) Catherine: (off-screen): Remember, I've paid you extra. I don't want my children to see you hacking at me. (He tugs at the necklace, moving it out of the way) Catherine: Don't break the clasp! I've promised this necklace to one of my ladies (Catherine's head lies on the block. The executioner looms above her, but before he removes her head from her neck, she receives a formal looking piece of paper) Catherine (rising): Prunes?! My oldest daughter can't eat them. (Catherine looks around the room in disgust, pointing out all of the flaws in the decorations) Catherine: The flowers! Full vases, cascading bouquets.. where are they? Servant: We were told by the King to save them until the actual day. Catherine: I need to see their placement. (The servant hands Catherine the sheet of paper and she scoffs at it) Catherine: What about the wine? 100 (indistinguishable), flowing freely. The nobles will expect it. Yes, let them drink and swim in my blood, thinking theirs is next once that b*st*rd Sebastian takes the throne. ACT 1, SCENE 2 - ELSEWHERE IN THE REALM: (In a small cottage elsewhere in France, Lola is preparing herself for the last leg of the journey back to French court) Lola (hearing a knock at the door): Come in, Please. I'm nearly ready. Francis: No rush. They're bringing the horses around. Lola: No rush? I feel awful we stopped at all. You swear you didn't do it for me, because I'm a terrible rider? Francis: We gained time on horse-back we never would've achieved by carriage, but we needed rest.... the horses were about to drop as well. And in truth, it may not matter. My mother might already be dead. Lola: Don't say that! Francis: You might think she deserves it, after all she has done to Mary .. Lola: I think even Mary would say that's all in the past. Francis: It will be soon if I can convince my father to spare her life. It's unbelievable, really. Lola: What? Francis: If all goes well, Bash begins his life with Mary and I get exile. And my mother... (Francis trails off) Francis: Not for long...I'll set her up somewhere, far away, with my brothers and then, I'll be on to the next. Lola: Where will you go? Francis: I was thinking Morocco. Lola: You don't think you'd stand out in Morocco? Francis: Sweden then? Perhaps, it's a land you'll visit one day? ... Walking along a frozen river, a displaced prince will appear in front of you. Lola: Well, I hope I never see you again. (Francis looks down at his feet and becomes quiet) Lola: Because you're safe..settled. Married with children of your own. Francis: I hope the same for you. (They both look at each other and smile faintly, before a look of concern comes over Lola's face) Lola: Francis, when you see Mary... (Francis interrupts her before she can finish her thought) Francis: We ran into each other at a ch teau outside of d'Angers ... Traveled with each other for a day, and that is all. I know you live your life in service to her. Lola: Mary is my friend. Francis: Nothing we did will change that. ACT 1, SCENE 3 - BACK AT COURT: (In Nostradamus' bed chambers, he and a brunette lady are rolling around in bed) Nostradamus: That was lovely. I think you should go now. Lady: Don't do this to yourself. I won't leave you. (Nostradamus sits up and is putting his clothes back on, while the lady protests) Lady: I need to know you're all right. Nostradamus (planting a kiss on her lips): if it comforts you... (This seems to anger the lady, but Nostradamus remains insistent on carrying out his plan) Lady: Why do you do it? Nostradamus: Sometimes, when one is given a gift and worries they've lost it, they must return to its source: the giver itself. (Nostradamus walks across the room and picks up a wooden stool) Nostradamus: And for me that is death, or as near death as I dare to venture. (He climbs on top of the stool and puts his neck inside of a noose. A moment later, he has hung himself, accidently knocking the stool over as he gasps for air) Lady (frantically screaming): Stop it, please! (She rushes over to him and unties the noose from a peg on the wall. Nostradamus falls to the ground) Nostradamus (still struggling to breathe): The vision.... I wasn't done. Lady: You saw something? Nostradamus: This changes everything. I will die for this. The queen will kill me herself. ACT 1, SCENE 3 - IN THE THRONE ROOM OF THE CASTLE: (Mary and Bash enter into the throne room, where Catherine had just been practicing her execution. Servants and other personnel still shuffle about the room) Bash (to Mary): What a show... Mary: She's going out in style. (Catherine moves some vases from one of the table, until she sees the King enter the room) Catherine (to herself): Must I do everything? Shall I catch my head in my own hands, too? (The King avoids making eye contact) Catherine (to Henry): When can we talk about my tomb? King Henry: A Florentine sculptor? 20 tons of marble? I can't afford it. (This angers Catherine. She storms off, across the room) King Henry: After the 100 musicians... the dozen ships made of silver and gold.... Queen Catherine (interrupting him): Symbolic of my journey to Heaven. (Catherine picks up a rose and smells it) Queen Catherine: I'm not asking for a fleet. King Henry: You're not headed for Heaven either. You're dragging this out. Queen Catherine: You have to wait for final word on Bash's legitimization anyway. Why kill me if the line of succession reverts to my sons? King Henry: You're a treasonous adulterer. Queen Catherine (sarcastically): Then I'll continue with the seating chart. (Catherine spots Mary, Kenna and Bash talking across the room) Queen Catherine: Mary, the feast will be held there. Choose your place of honor. King Henry: You are going to die. What they write about your execution won't matter. Queen Catherine: It will to my children. (Henry has had enough. He storms away) Queen Catherine: 50 musicians and I'll reduce the gold inlay on my tomb! (Suddenly, trumpets starts to play) Mary: What is that? Bash: There's a royal visitor. (From across the courtyard, a woman wearing a beautiful black gown with a long veil enters the throne room. As she enters, she is greeted by all the royals in the castle, who nod respectfully) Marie de Guise (seeing the axe from earlier): French court has gone to hell. (Marie de Guise looks to Mary) Marie de Guise: But I'm here now, dear. Mary: Mother. ACT 1, SCENE 4 - IN MARY'S CHAMBERS: (Mary and Marie de Guise, her mother, sit in Mary's room and chat privately) Marie de Guise: So I sent you here to wed a king and find you engaged to a b*st*rd. My darling, your engagement to Francis was a careful negotiation set in place when you were six. And now, you tell me that you threw it all away because of a prophecy. Mary: One I believe, Mother. I did this and Bash went along with it to save Francis's life. Marie de Guise: From a fate a magician predicted. Mary: Mother, it's all very complicated. And we haven't been together in so long. Marie de Guise: I came to the convent for your 11th birthday. Half the ship's crew died along the way, but I was there... Gift in hand. Mary: I only meant to say that I've missed you. And I wanted to talk to you about this, about Francis, about Bash, a-a-about everything. Please, don't make light of Nostradamus's warning... or my choice. Marie de Guise: I make light of nothing concerning you, or our country's future... (Mary cuts her off) Mary: ... Perhaps if you met Bash. He's-he's kind and-and selfless and brave. Marie de Guise: Do you love him? (Mary chooses her words very carefully) Mary: I'm beginning to... It-t all happened so fast. Marie de Guise: Good. Perhaps there's still time for you to see things with a clear mind. (Her mother grabs her hand and kisses her gently) Marie de Guise: I've wanted to be with you as well, but there is trouble at home. Scotland is in peril. Mary: The English, I know. Marie de Guise: It's worse.Our country is on the knife's edge of falling into Protestantism. And we are Catholic rulers. You need France--a Catholic country, at your side, now. Marry its next king, and the Protestants will scurry into the darkness. Marry Francis. Not some b*st*rd who someday *might* be king. Mary: His name is Sebastian. Marie de Guise: It has the same ring to it. Well, I have no choice but to support you, as I rule Scotland, but you are actually its queen. And my daughter. So headstrong. (Marie de Guise is almost mocking Mary at this point) Marie de Guise: So loving. Mary: So you'll be patient? (She wraps her arms around Mary and embraces her) Marie de Guise: Yes. ELSEWHERE IN THE CASTLE: (Mary bursts into Bash's bedchambers, unannounced, but clearly upset) Bash: Mary. Are you all right? Is all well with your mother? Mary: Yes. She's just as I remember her, in ways that I often thought I had imagined. (Bash takes her by the hands) Mary: I used to love the smell of her perfume, the the tenor of her voice... even now, when she lied to me. She doesn't want us getting married. She will stop it. We have to elope. Today. Now. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 2, SCENE 1 - BASH'S CHAMBERS: (Bash and Mary scramble to make plans for their wedding, after the arrival of Mary's mother) Bash: There's a church just east of the old village, by the quarry. Mary: I wish that I could come with you. Bash: Let me get it all arranged. It might take a few hours, and if we're both missing, people will notice. If I'm not back by midday, we have our priest. Get on a horse and meet me at the church before sunset. (Bash plants a passionate kiss on Mary's lips and lingers there for a moment) Bash: Don't plan on sleeping this night, wife. (He turns to leave the castle. Mary watches as he runs, touching the place his lips once met hers and smiling from ear to ear) ACT 2, SCENE 2 - THE THRONE ROOM: (Marie de Guise and Catherine meet in the throne room and catch up) Marie de Guise: At least you're moving about freely now. Catherine: Guarded, but with the mobility required to plan my death. Marie de Guise: How was the dungeon? Were there fleas? Were you paraded through the town, mocked? Catherine: I was in the tower. (Catherine pauses, realizing she is being mocked) Catherine: I realize you're not happy with the turn events have taken, but must you paint a bleaker picture of my fall? Marie de Guise: I trusted you with Mary's life. Not just her survival, though I hear you threatened that, too. I gave up every moment of being a mother to my own child, based on your word that you would raise her to be Francis's wife. Catherine: What did you think, when you traded a child for the protection of France? That we would put her welfare above ours? Lord knows you didn't. You gave her away to secure your rule. Marie de Guise: I had an infant -- a girl -- not even a week old when my husband died, and she was crowned queen. I met unexpected horrors and tragedy and I faced them with courage. You... One charlatan scared you by whispering in your ear about your son's death: a future no one could know, and you changed the course of nations. Catherine: Nostradamus's accuracy is an inarguable feat. Marie de Guise: Here's a feat: Women like you and me, surviving in this age. (Marie de Guise laughs at the thought) Marie de Guise: I have sold my soul, and my child, to protect myself and my nation. Mary may be Scotland's queen, but I am its king. Catherine: Has Scotland noticed that its king has rather overexposed breasts? Marie de Guise: It is beginning to. Catherine: Ah. Marie de Guise: Now that Mary's come of age, they look beyond me, they want her, and I want her protected by France...France's true king. Not some b*st*rd they can knock off the throne, whose life only took form because you couldn't keep your husband's interest in bed. Catherine: I am defeated. If you want to fix this, do it yourself. (Marie looks at Catherine, gives her a laugh and a nod and goes on to work her charm) ACT 2, SCENE 3 - IN A CASTLE CORRIDOR: (Elsewhere in the castle, Mary and Kenna walk along a corridor. Greer finally arrives, carrying a white, lace veil, which she gives to Mary) Greer: Ah, here it is. My mother had it packed deep in one of my trunks. Mary: Well, it's beautiful, but will it be warm enough? Greer: This isn't for your journey to the chapel. It's for you to cover your face as you and Bash stand before God and profess your love. (From the corner of her eye, Greer spots a figuring entering the castle) Greer: Is that Lola? (Kenna and Mary both turn around and look as well. Seconds later, they see Francis emerge behind her) Kenna: Why is she with Francis? (Finally, Lola reaches the girls and they greet one another) Lola: Mary. Kenna, Greer. (She gives Kenna and Greer a warm embrace. While Mary and Francis' eyes meet for the first time since he left court after her proposal to Bash) Lola (bowing to Mary): Your Grace. Mary: You're back. (Mary formally acknowledges Francis) Mary: Both of you. Uh, your carriage, why didn't they announce your arrival at the gate? Lola: We ran into each other at a ch teau near d'Angers. Mary: You came back together? Lola: We rode. There were floods. The carriage I leased was swept away in the night. Can you imagine? Mary: Along the river. Kenna: You were at the Ch teau de Martin? (Kenna eyes Lola suspiciously, sensing something is off with her story) Lola: You know it? Yes. Lola: I'll get settled then. (Lola notices Mary looking at Francis and she tries to smile through the anxiousness) Lola: So happy to be back. Mary: Yes, we're happy to have you back. (Kenna and Greer accompany Lola back to her quarters, leaving Mary and Francis alone) Mary: You heard about your mother? I'm so sorry. Francis: I'm back to plead with my father for her life. I'll be gone from court once I have my answer and the matter is settled, and you and I will never see each other again. I don't mean that to sound cruel or angry. Mary: I understand. You don't want to be seen as someone lying in wait to reclaim your throne. Francis: Or anything else that now belongs to my brother. (Francis bows to Mary and takes off into the castle) ACT 2, SCENE 4 - NOSTRADAMUS' CHAMBERS: (In Nostradamus' chambers, Catherine gives him the mask Clarissa wore, given to her by Mary before her death) Queen Catherine: They brought this back, after Clarissa's death. I thought you might want to have it, as you were more parent to her than I. They buried her in an unmarked grave near the lake, where the North Road ends. I asked them to mark it with a cross, but it's unhallowed ground. (Nostradamus takes the artifact, while Catherine moves across the room, her face etched with pain) Queen Catherine: What will become of her soul, I wonder? Did she know any happiness in her miserable life? Nostradamus: When she was young. The villagers who raised her for a time were kind. Queen Catherine: How do you know that? Nostradamus: She spoke of them... Of their games. A song they'd sing to calm her to sleep. Sometimes, I'd-d-d hear her sing it softly, to herself. Queen Catherine: How lonely. And haunting. Nostradamus: Yes. Nostradamus: I'm going to tell you something that might enrage you. Since Mary's arrival, I've had visions of Francis's death. (Nostradamus recalls some of those visions, which include drops of blood falling onto white flowers, him falling to his knees, his hands covered in blood and blood dripping from his ear) Nostradamus: Violent images. They vary, but they were always tied to Mary.But they stopped completely when Clarissa died. I have beckoned them, every way I know how, because I had to be sure. Queen Catherine: Sure of what? Nostradamus: That Francis might live with Mary. Queen Catherine: How can that be possible? Nostradamus: I warned you that Francis, your firstborn, would die because of Mary.. Queen Catherine: You were very clear. Nostradamus: Before either of us knew Clarissa was your firstborn. (Catherine rises from the chair and grabs Nostradamus by the neck angrily) Queen Catherine: The blood that has been spilled, my blood yet, was because of what you foresaw. Nostradamus: It's not a science, it's a gift. Sometimes I hear voices, other times it's a feeling, a certainty ... as solid as stone. Queen Catherine: And this new feeling? Nostradamus: It came to me today. I saw their life together, and it is happy. (Nostradamus recalls the vision he had earlier that day. In the future, Mary and Francis are laying in bed together) Mary: After dinner, and your usual game of catch with Anne, James is going to want your attention, too, with his reading. Francis: I'll have him work on it. Mary: You promise. (Francis lovingly touches Mary's face) Mary: Promise me, I mean it. (He returns back to his conversation with Catherine, in the present) Nostradamus: They have children, as he is alive. Queen Catherine: Children? (Catherine becomes very emotional, she finds it difficult to contain them) Queen Catherine: You see them years beyond their union? Nostradamus: Yes. (Catherine finally lets her emotions out. Her eyes tear up and she puts her hands into a prayer, as she is thanking God) Nostradamus: Use this to save yourself. Tell Henry you've had a change of heart. That you won't stand in the way of their union. Queen Catherine: This has gone so far beyond me standing in the way of anything. I am convicted of adultery (screaming)! Of treason! Mary is with Sebastian. And my son Francis... (Nostradamus interrupts her) Nostradamus: ....Has returned to court. (Catherine's anger disappears) Queen Catherine: You are brave to come to me with this. Because if I can't convince Mary to wed Francis, if I can't undo your mistakes, I will lose my head. But not before I watch you burned to death. I promise you that. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 3, SCENE 1 - IN CATHERINE'S CHAMBERS: (After speaking with Mary, Francis goes to find his mother, to see what's going on and to formulate a plan to get her out of the castle. After leaving one of the corridors, Catherine spots Francis and runs to his side) Queen Catherine: Francis! Francis: Mother. Queen Catherine: Ah, it's true! You're back! (Catherine wraps his arms around him and kisses his face numerous times) Queen Catherine: Oh, thank God. Francis: They tell me Father's out hunting pheasant beyond the South Keep. I'm going to find him, get him to see reason... and I'll get you away from here. Queen Catherine: No, no, Francis. There's something else that you must do. (She pulls him away from prying eyes) Queen Catherine: Everything I did, I did for you. Francis: You needn't remind me. Queen Catherine: I need you to forget all of it. Francis: What? Queen Catherine: .... Everything I warned you of. The warnings I gave Mary. Go to her, tell her that I believe the two of you can be wed. Francis: I don't understand. Queen Catherine: Your fate has changed. (Francis rolls his eyes) Queen Catherine: Oh, what does it matter? You never believed that Nostradamus had the power to see the future anyway. What matters is that you love Mary. Francis: I did love Mary. You destroyed that. Queen Catherine: Nonsense. She's with Bash now, but she loves you. Francis: You don't know that. I don't know that. Queen Catherine: What matters is what you want. Is it Mary? Is it to save my life? Is it the throne of France? Is it the safety of your brothers? Say it, say it!! I know it's true! Francis: Yes. Yes, of course, I want all those things. Queen Catherine: Then tell Mary I will cause her no harm ever. And that she will cause you no harm by loving you. By marrying you. Go to her. (Mary's mother has been listening in. She inserts herself into the conversation) Marie de Guise: But do it quickly. (She looks over, seeing the spark in Catherine's eyes once again) Marie de Guise: I see your son's return has restored your will to live. Queen Catherine: It's because he will live. Marie de Guise: Your magic has changed. How silly and marvelous. (to Francis) You don't believe in prophecies, do you? Francis: No, I never did. (Francis looks at Marie, remembering her from somewhere) Francis: You're Marie de Guise. Marie de Guise: Your future mother-in-law, if you so desire. If you get on your horse, and stop Mary from making the biggest mistake of her life. Francis: Where is she? Marie de Guise: Heading for a church near a quarry. The servants talked about a village nearly destroyed by the plague. (Catherine looks at her, wondering how she knew that information) Marie de Guise: Yes, I bribed them. He may as well know who I am, if we're to be kin. Francis: I know the place. Marie de Guise: Then hurry. Before your brother gets his hands on everything you want. (Francis runs off, while Marie and Catherine smile at each other in triumph. Meanwhile, Bash waits outside the castle for Mary) ACT 3, SCENE 2 - NEAR THE KING'S CHAMBERS (King Henry walks through the castle's corridor, until a servant approaches him) Servant: Your Majesty, a messenger has arrived. He said there's news regarding the line of succession. King Henry: About Sebastian? Servant: He awaits you in your throne room. ACT 3, SCENE 3 - IN THE VILLAGE (Bash stands alone in a small cemetary outside the village. Finally, Francis arrives) Francis: Brother Bash (confused): Francis? Francis: I'm going to tell you something... And it will hurt. I know you're here to elope with Mary. You don't need to. All that nonsense about the prophecy, it's gone now. My mother's let it go for reasons she can explain. I'm going to tell Mary. She'll talk to my mother, to Nostradamus. She'll be convinced. Bash: She won't trust Catherine. I don't trust Catherine. Francis: You don't want things to change, to revert. You're going to play on Mary's fear. Bash: She came with me willingly. And she will stay with me. Francis: She turned to you because she had to. It was only a marriage of convenience. Bash: And what was yours? Francis: It went beyond that. You know it. Bash: And now you know ours did, too. Francis: You're lying. Bash: You entitled son of a bitch. Francis: You. You're nothing. (Bash rears back and punches Francis in the face, bloodying his lip. After a second, Francis launches at him and pushes him onto the ground. They both exchange punches until Mary finally arrives on horseback) Mary (yelling): Stop! Francis! Bash! Stop! Stop! Please, stop! (She jumps down and breaks them up) Francis: You don't have to marry him! It's all over! My mother, Nostradamus, they say we can be wed. Mary: What do you mean? Francis: There is no prophecy keeping us apart. Please, listen... Bash: Does it matter? Mary, nothing needs to change. We can still be wed. Mary: What do you mean, no prophecy? Francis: Even Nostradamus will tell you. Your fate is your own when it comes to who will you marry. Him or me. ACT 3, SCENE 4 - BACK AT THE CASTLE: (Mary enters Catherine's chambers without knocking) Queen Catherine: I knew he would get to you in time. Mary: Did your seer tell you that, too? Is this a game to you? Queen Catherine: Nostradamus told me the prophecy was fulfilled with Clarissa's death. Mary: How can I believe you when you have so much to lose? (Catherine walks over to her nightstand, picks up a shard of glass and slits her wrist with it) Mary: Oh, God, what are you doing? Queen Catherine: Do nothing, and I will die. (She throws the bloody glass across the room) Queen Catherine: Watch me, if that's what it takes to convince you I'm not putting my life ahead of my son's. I never have. Mary: Stop this. Queen Catherine: I'll be beheaded if you don't choose Francis anyway. I'd rather die today to show you that I mean every word that I say. Mary: Is this some kind of trick? Queen Catherine: Test me. (Catherine doubles over in pain, with her blood seeping down her arm) Queen Catherine: Ask Nostradamus to explain how the future he sees for you and Francis has altered since Clarissa's death. Oh, yes. Be sure. Be very sure. I would want every certainty, too. (Mary rushes over to Catherine and attends to her wound) Mary: I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything. I believe you, but ... Queen Catherine: .... you don't know what you want. Mary: I love them. I love them both. (A servant enters the room) Servant: Begging your pardon, Your Majesties, but the king demands your presence. ACT 3, SCENE 5 - IN THE THRONE ROOM (The King has gathered all of court into the throne room, with Mary, Bash, Francis, Catherine, Marie de Guise and the ladies in waiting) King Henry: A messenger has arrived with news about the line of succession of England. Their queen is dead. Mary: And she has named me her successor? King Henry: After all her deliberations, they say she died suddenly in the night. But England is yours by bloodline, by right. You must claim it immediately, or your cousin Elizabeth will seize it from your grasp. You risk everything if you don't act now. If you want the Vatican's righteous support for anything you do, for the rest of your life, you will claim England now. If you want France as an ally, you will claim England now. If you want to take England, you will need the next king of France by your side. And you will wed one of my sons tonight. Mary: I will take my life in my own hands. And I will not be bullied by you. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 4, SCENE 1 - IN THE KING'S CHAMBERS: (As Henry files back into his room, a servant enters) Servant: Lady Kenna requests a visit, Your Majesty. King Henry: No. Servant: She requests that I inform you that she's naked under her robe. (King Henry takes a minute to contemplate letting her in) King Henry: Send her in. Kenna: It's nice to see you're still on your feet. King Henry: What does that mean? Kenna: I watched you take it lying down for weeks now, from all the women in your life. You don't like being bossed around by a girl, do you? King Henry: Is this meant to arouse? Kenna: I was wrong to blame and demand things of you. I should have blamed you, absolutely. I also should have offered you more of what you'd like... for what I'd like. King Henry: You're offering me s*x for a husband? I could get s*x anywhere. Kenna: Not from me. How little it would take for you to write me an introduction or two. King Henry: You're not exactly inspiring me to send you away. Kenna: What if I offered to stay here at the castle, even if I were married, at your beck and call? You'd have Diane. I'd have my station, my position. Find me a rich noble who treats me right, and I'll treat you right as well. (Kenna kisses him seductively) King Henry: You've learned many skills at court. Kenna: Teach me more. (Kenna slips off her robe) Kenna: One suitor a week until I choose. Agreed? King Henry: Agreed. (Kenna starts taking off his clothing) King Henry: No. (He stops her by grabbing her hair) King Henry: No more. I'm in charge now. ACT 4, SCENE 2 - IN MARY'S CHAMBERS: (Mary paces around her room, until she hears a knock on the door) Mary: Have you found my mother? I need her now, more than ever. Greer: They said she's with the king. Mary: Trying to wring more out of Henry before I'm married to anyone, no doubt. Greer: But who will you marry? Have you spoken with Bash? Mary: No. Greer: Francis? (Suddenly, she hears another knock on the door. Catherine enters carrying a note) Queen Catherine (to Greer): Could we have a moment? (Greer exits) Queen Catherine: What an eventful day. Francis's return, news of the queen's death and this.... News from the Vatican. If this letter confirms Sebastian's legitimization, it should take away any reservations you have about a b*st*rd at your side instead of a King, as Bash will be King one day. If it denies his legitimization, how could Bash blame you for returning to Francis? (Catherine hands Mary the letter, sensing her reservations) Queen Catherine: I know you think you love them both. While that may be true, I argue that you love one more. Mary: I am afraid. Queen Catherine: Open it. (Finally, Mary opens the letter and gasps) Queen Catherine: Now you're free to go to the man you love. ACT 4, SCENE 3 - IN BASH'S CHAMBERS: (In his chambers, Sebastian sits looking into a mirror, cleaning the blood from his face) Mary (entering his chambers): I can't marry you. Bash: Yes, you can. Don't let your mother put ideas in your head about my ability to protect you, because I will be King. We can force the Pope's hand. Mary: I know that. Bash: With me, you are free and wild. You can be who you are, and I will always put you first. Mary: Please, don't. Bash: Say that you love me. Say it to me once, because I know that you do. Mary: I love you, I do. Bash: Say it. Say the rest. I need to hear it. Mary: I love Francis more. (Bash nods in understanding and Mary leaves his chambers in tears. After exiting, she sees Francis and she rushes into his arms and kisses him) Francis: What's this? Mary: Open it. Francis: It's blank. It's nothing. Mary: She let me decide. It's odd, isn't it? That your mother was the one to show me what was truly in my heart. You. It's you. It's always been you. Francis: Does this mean you'll marry me? Mary: Yes. (She kisses him again) Mary: We must protect Sebastian. There are those who will punish him for reaching for the throne. Francis: Of course. I'll make sure of it. ACT 4, SCENE 4 - IN BASH'S CHAMBERS: (Francis enters hastily) Francis: I am sorry for the way things have gone, but the outcome is this. You need to leave here and never come back. You've reached for the crown, and you failed to get it. You'll be seen by many as a threat. Bash: The crown was never in my grasp, but I had Mary, and it galls you. Francis: I was going to disappear in exile. That's your goal now, if you want to survive. My guards will take you south of here to a ship set for the southern coast of Spain, and from there, you should keep going. Bash: You needed to vanish because you would have been a displaced king. But I'm just a b*st*rd. In time, a very short time, if you'd accepted my presence, the nobles would, too, and I'd be safe. If you were so inclined. Francis: I'm not so inclined. Bash: Well, there it is the truth between us at last. Francis: Make sure what's between us, brother, is distance. If you want to survive. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 5, SCENE 1 - IN MARY'S CHAMBERS: (In preparation of the wedding, Marie de Guise helps Mary with her attire) Marie de Guise (laughing): It was all to legitimize Bash. Now Henry looks benevolent, forgiving. (Marie holds a pair of beautiful earrings up to Mary's ear) Marie de Guise: Your father gave me these. (She puts them in Mary's hand and whispers some advice) Marie de Guise: Make some heirs quick as you can. It's a queen's sons that give her power after all, though we've handled the misfortune of your s*x, haven't we? Brave girls are we. (On the other side of the room, Kenna and Lola talk in hushed tones) Kenna: Greer said you were upset. Lola: I came to your room last night to cheer you with hot cocoa, but your servant said you were meeting with the king. Kenna: So? Lola: It was very late. If you're back with him, I think it's a mistake. Kenna: I know the ch teau you claim to stay at in Angers where you ran into Francis. It burned down last year. I don't know what happened between the two of you, but I can guess, so please don't counsel me on mistakes. Marie de Guise: Come along, girls, be of service to your queen. ACT 5, SCENE 2 - IN THE BANQUET HALL: (Servants are decorating the castle for the wedding. From across the room, Nostadamus hears a song and he angrily approaches the girl whom is singing) Nostradamus: Who are you? Why are you singing that song? GIRL: I was told to sing it near you. Nostradamus: By who? GIRL: I was paid by another who was paid by a girl I don't know who. Nostradamus: She's dead. That girl is dead. It's impossible. ACT 5, SCENE 3 - THE WEDDING: (At the wedding ceremony, Catherine stands next to Marie de Guise) Queen Catherine: The messenger who delivered the news of the English queen's death isn't here. Marie de Guise: I suppose he knew he'd served his purpose and that your invitation was a mere courtesy, a thanks for giving us both what we want. Queen Catherine: You bribed him to bear false news. Marie de Guise: To get the job done, as you failed in that task completely. You can thank me later. (Finally, Mary enters wearing a beautiful white gown and a veil. Her ladies follow her down the aisle, carrying the train of her dress. During the wedding itself, she is presented with a contract for her marriage. She glances back at her mother before she signs, waiting until she nods before she gives her signature. Meanwhile, Nostradamus goes looking for Clarissa's gravesite. When he finds the cross Catherine mentions, there is no body there, but footprints leading away from the site) Nostradamus (to himself): Clarissa... She's alive. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 6, SCENE 1 - THE WEDDING RECEPTION: (At the reception, Francis and Mary enter the banquet for their reception. Flower petals fall from the top of the room like rain, as the newlyweds share their first dance, with everyone else dancing around them. Meanwhile, Henry slips out of the room and approaches Bash, who is preparing his leave from court) King Henry: You missed the wedding. Bash: I thought it best. King Henry: I've been thinking about what's best for all of us as well. Bash: I'm leaving. You needn't worry. King Henry: And yet I do. So you won't be leaving us just yet. MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE RECEPTION: (As Mary enjoys the party, her mother interrupts her) Marie de Guise: I have some news to share. Turns out the English queen isn't dead after all. Mary: The English queen is alive? Marie de Guise: Catherine's aware, but I would keep the news to yourself. Mary: You did this. To see me married. Marie de Guise: The messenger's news was flawed. No one could blame that on me, or you. Everyone needs a little push on occasion. Even queens... Even France. All happiness comes with a price.And you paid yours with another's broken heart. Mary: Sebastian... Marie de Guise: .... will survive. (Greer interrupts) Greer: It's time for the consummation. Mary: A moment, please. (Mary waits for Greer to walk away before she gives her mother a piece of her mind) Mary: Get out. Get out of my life. Get out of France. Marie de Guise: I know you're angry, but you have everything you ever wanted. Mary: And more power than you. Marie de Guise: I'm your mother. I am ruling Scotland for you Mary: Do that. And mind me, do it well. When I return to Scotland, to our home, it will either be because you have failed, or because you are dead. (Nostradamus finally returns to the castle after searching for Clarissa's corpse. After he enters, he spots Mary and Francis across the room, happily in love. Suddenly, he has another vision.. the same one from earlier, but a bit longer this time) Mary: After dinner, your usual game of catch with Anne, James is going to want your attention, too, with his reading. Francis: I'll have him work on it. Mary: You promise? (Francis touches Mary lovingly on the cheek) Mary: Promise me, I mean it. Promise me you'll try. One year of marriage, it isn't enough. (Mary's eyes well up in tears) Mary: Fight, Francis, please. I will give you children. Don't give up on our dreams.... On the life we could have. (Francis looks very loopy. He raises his head on the pillow and blood falls from his ear) Francis: Such a beautiful dream. Mary: No. No, Francis, don't leave me. (Francis closes his eyes and dies in Mary's arms. BACK IN REALITY, the vision is ended as Catherine approaches Nostradamus at the table) Queen Catherine: So many years before them. I know I threatened you. In truth, I'm so glad you had the courage to tell me how their fate had changed. Nostradamus (ignoring his vision): Yes. They will be together for many years. ACT 6, SCENE 2 - THE CONSUMATION: (Henry and Bash walk through the castle) King Henry (to Bash): I do this not out of any malice, as you are my son, but to ensure peace. So that should you return, you have seared into your memory what is yours and what is not. (Henry has bound Bash's hands together and he forces him to watch Mary and Francis consummate their marriage for the first time. After a few seconds, Mary and Francis look up and see Sebastian watching them, but they continue kissing anyway, with the whole room silent as a pin dropping) (After being kicked out of the castle, Francis' men escort Sebastian out of France) Guard: You're not a very trusting fellow, are you? Bash: I was a lot more trusting before you took my weapons. Guard You'll get those back as soon as you leave us. They say you're a threat to the realm, but your family wants you safe. Alive. Bash: Yes. Guard You're not thirsty? Bash: I have my own, thanks. (Suddenly, the men pull their swords, but Bash was a step ahead of them, already having pulled one out. He slaughers each of the men one-by-one) Bash (standing over a mortally wounded guard): Who paid you to kill me? The queen or my brother? (The man dies before Bash gets an answer. So he hops on horseback and heads back toward the castle)

Queen Mary's mother, Queen Marie de Guise (Amy Brenneman), arrives and advises her daughter against marrying Bash. Nostradamus tells Queen Catherine that he stopped having visions of Francis's death after Clarissa died, and had a new vision of Mary and Prince Francis's happy future together. When Prince Francis returns to the castle, Queen Catherine advises him to pursue Queen Mary and promises never to harm her again. King Francis and Bash fight over Queen Mary, and Prince Francis tells her of the change in Nostradamus's visions- News arrives that the Queen of England is dead, and King Henry pressures Mary to choose one of his sons. Queen Mary ultimately chooses Prince Francis and they are wed; King Henry pardons Queen Catherine for the occasion. Nostradamus discovers that Clarissa is still alive. Meanwhile, the castle, Queen Mary is angered to learn that her own mother had fabricated the news from England to push her into making a choice, and orders her to leave. Nostradamus has a deeper vision of Queen Mary and Prince Francis's future: They will indeed be happy but Prince Francis shall perish just one year into their marriage from a bleeding ear. King Henry makes Bash watch Queen Mary and Prince Francis's consummation before he is escorted from the castle. Believing the royal guards were ordered to kill him, Bash finishes them off first and escapes.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x17

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x17_0

SCENE: Somewhere in Maine. Past. Kurt Flynn and Owen Flynn are camping. The father teaches his son how to correctly tie a lanyard keychain. [SCENE_BREAK] Kurt: Yeah, there you go. That's it. A little tighter. Now pull the loops, as tight as you can. Ah, look at that. I mean, it's not bad for your first one. Owen: Green and red, like Luke and Darth's lightsabers. Kurt: Hey. Here is one for your collection. Your.. grandpa taught me how to make these when I was your age. Owen: You're giving it to me? It's mine now? You weren't very good at this when you were my age, were you? Kurt: (laughs) All right, smart guy. Yeah, time to get dinner started. (A strong gust of wind begins) Owen: What is that? Kurt: Probably an electrical storm. Put the fire out. Get in the tent! Owen: Dad! Kurt: Owen. We'll be all right, kid. (Dark Curse blasts through the woods) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Somewhere in Maine. Past. Kurt and Owen woke up and found trees knocked onto the ground, one tree even crushed their car. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen: Whoa. What kind of storm was that? Kurt: It's a big one. (They begin walking and searching for the nearest highway) Kurt: The highway should be just over that ridge, and then we'll get a ride to the nearest town. Owen: Dad? Kurt: That's what you get for camping in the boonies, I guess. Owen: (sees Storybrooke) Dad. Look. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Kurt and Owen are walking down the street. [SCENE_BREAK] Kurt: This is impossible. We drove through here yesterday. There was nothing here. It's like someone dropped a town right on top of us. (Kurt and Owen are looking at Storybrooke Clock Tower. A sheriff's car stops behind them. The door of the car opens to reveal Sheriff Graham.) Sheriff Graham: You need some help? You two look lost. Kurt: Who are you? What is this place? Sheriff Graham: Name's Graham. I'm the sheriff. (Kurt and Graham shake hands.) Sheriff Graham: Welcome to Storybrooke. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Mayor's House, Regina's bedroom. She wakes up for the first time in Storybrooke. She looks out of the window, sees the town of Storybrooke and realises that Dark curse worked. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: I did it. I won. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Regina is walking down the street and sees Marco struggling to repair a sign. [SCENE_BREAK] Marco: That should hold you. Ruby: I cannot believe you put me on the early shift. Granny: Not my fault you stayed out all night. When I put over easy on the menu, I was talking about the eggs! Archie: Morning, Madame Mayor. Regina: Good morning, Crick -- Dr. Hopper. Archie: Beautiful day, isn't it? Regina: Yes. Yes, it is. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Storybrooke Elementary School. Mary Margaret, holding a bird in her hand, is teaching. [SCENE_BREAK] Mary Margaret: As we build our birdhouses, remember: what you're making is a home. Not a cage. A bird is free, and will do what it will. This is for them, not us. They're loyal creatures. (Releases the bird out the window; it flies up to a birdhouse.) If you love them and they love you, they will always find you. (Bell rings; class rises.) We'll pick this up after recess. No running! (Regina enters the room) Miss Mills, what are you doing here? Regina: Refresh my memory. How long have you been a teacher here? Mary Margaret: Um I -- I'm not sure. As long as I can remember. Regina: Come with me. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Storybrooke General Hospital. Mary Margaret and Regina are in front of John Doe's room. [SCENE_BREAK] Mary Margaret: Why are we in the hospital? Regina: Tell me. Do you know this man? Mary Margaret: No. Why? Who is he? Regina: He's a John Doe, coma patient. No one's claimed him. Mary Margaret: Maybe someday he'll wake up. Maybe someone who loves him will find him. Regina: That would be nice for him. But I wouldn't count on it. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Granny's Bed and Breakfast. Regina prepares to eat. [SCENE_BREAK] Sheriff Graham: Good morning, Mayor. Regina: That uniform suits you nicely, sheriff. So well-fitted. Sheriff Graham: Want me to come over later? Owen: Hey! You like apple pancakes, too? Regina: Who are you? Whose child is this? (to Marco) Is he yours? Marco: Mine? No. I was never so lucky. Kurt: He's mine. And you'll have to excuse him. His manners are a little rough around the edges. I'm, uh, Kurt Flynn. Sorry to interrupt your breakfast, but we're, uh, looking to rent a hotel room for the night. Regina: Why would you need a hotel room? Kurt: The same reason that most people need one. We need a place to sleep. Regina: Would you excuse me for a moment? Graham. Granny: I got a room for you. Regina: Who the hell are those people? Sheriff Graham: Uh, I don't know. They just showed up. They were camping in the woods near the toll bridge. I was just as surprised to see them as you are. Regina: I don't like surprises, sheriff. I find them threatening. And do you know what happens when I feel threatened? Bad things. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Regina is mourning her mother's death. Mr. Gold enters mausoleum. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: Black always was your color. Regina: I'm here to bury my mother. So if you've come to gloat.. Mr. Gold: I came to pay my respects. We had our differences, but Cora will always have a place in my heart. Regina: You killed her to save your own life. Mr. Gold: Sadly, desperate times call for desperate measures. Regina: Like getting Mary Margaret to trick me into killing my own mother? You may be able to hide behind your dagger, but she can't. She's going to die for what she did. Mr. Gold: Oh, come on. We both know killing her will cost you the thing you want most - Henry. Why don't you just give up this obsession with vengeance? You know it can never make you happy. Regina: Yes, it will. Mr. Gold: You had a whole curse worth of vengeance, and what did it get you? A gaping hole in your heart. Regina: That was your curse. Mr. Gold: Which you cast. Still haven't learned your lesson, have you? Regina: What lesson? Mr. Gold: The same one your mother learned a long time ago. You can't have everything. She wanted power, ripped out her own heart to get it. You want vengeance? Henry's the price you'll pay. Time to cut your losses. Regina: Never. I will have my son, and I will have my vengeance. I will find a way to have everything. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Mary Margaret's apartment. Emma, David and Henry are talking. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: Anything? David: She won't eat a bite. Henry: What's wrong with her? Emma: Nothing. She's just a little sick. Henry: You guys are lying to me, aren't you? Emma: No one's lying. Henry: You are, just like you did about my dad. Emma: Henry, I - He's right. No more lying. David: Emma.. Emma: He deserves to know. Here's the thing, Henry. Cora's death... Mary Margaret was partially responsible for it, and that's why she's so upset. Henry: No. No, no, she couldn't. (Someone knocks on the door) Emma: She was trying to protect us. Henry: But she's Snow White. She wouldn't hurt anybody. David: (to Mr. Gold) Get out! Mr. Gold: I think you're gonna wanna hear what I have to say - for her sake. Emma: What are you talking about? Mr. Gold: Regina. She's planning to strike back - against your mother. Henry: What is she gonna do to her? Mr. Gold: Oh, she didn't say. David: No. You don't get to come in here and just drop a bomb like that. You're gonna figure this out. And you're gonna help us. Mr. Gold: And why should I? David: Because aside from us being family now, Mary Margaret saved your life. Now you owe her a debt. And you always pay your debts, don't you? You're gonna help us stop Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Kurt and Owen are eating at Granny's. Regina walks in. [SCENE_BREAK] Kurt: (to Granny) Thank you, it was really good. Regina: You're in my seat. Kurt: Sorry, miss...? Regina: Mills. Kurt: Mills. Regina: Mayor Mills. (to Owen) I always sit in that seat. Owen: But I'm already sitting here. (Regina sits next to Owen) Regina: I-I just spoke with our mechanic. He assured me that your car will be repaired by the end of the week. Kurt: Really? He told me it would take at least two weeks just to get the parts. Regina: Well, things tend to get done quickly when the Mayor asks for them. And I'd hate to keep you from getting home to...? Kurt: New Jersey. Home of the boss. Anyway, thank you, your mayorness. Mayor. Whatever. We really appreciate it. Let's go. (Owen takes a lanyard keychain out of his pocket and gives it to Regina) Regina: What's this? Owen: It's a gift for letting me sit in your seat. Regina: For me? (Regina takes it and smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Mayor's House, Regina's bedroom. She wakes up with Sheriff Graham next to her. She looks out of the window and smiles. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Storybrooke General Hospital. Mary Margaret leaves flowers in John Doe's room. Regina is standing behind her, smiling. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Regina is walking down the street and sees Marco struggling to repair a sign. [SCENE_BREAK] Marco: Maybe this time, you won't fall. Ruby: (to Granny) This is the last time I'm working the early shift. Archie: Good morning, Madame Mayor. Beautiful day, isn't it? (Regina bumps into Mary Margaret) Regina: Oh! Mary Margaret: Oh, Madame Mayor, I'm so sorry. Regina: You should be! Watch where you're going next time. (Mary Margaret nods and walks away. Regina smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Mayor's House, Regina's bedroom. She wakes up with Sheriff Graham next to her. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Storybrooke General Hospital. Mary Margaret leaves flowers in John Doe's room. Regina is standing behind her, but she looks bored. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Regina is walking down the street and sees Marco struggling to repair a sign and Ruby and Granny arguing. She looks bored. [SCENE_BREAK] Archie: Beautiful day. Regina: Save it. (she bumps into Mary Margaret.) Mary Margaret: Oh! Mayor Mills, I am so sorry. Regina: I ran into you. Why are you apologizing? Mary Margaret: No, I should have been looking where I was going. Regina: You're not even going to fight back?! Mary Margaret: Fight back? Why would I do that? (walks away) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Mr. Gold Pawnbroker&Antiquities Dealer. Regina enters, while Mr. Gold is dusting one of the antiques. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: I'm not happy. Mr. Gold: I believe Dr. Hopper's office is down the street. Regina: Oh, I don't wanna talk to him. I wanna talk to you. Mr. Gold: Very well, Madame Mayor. What is it you wanna talk about? Regina: This town. This isn't the deal we made. Mr. Gold: I'm sorry. I don't know what you're talking about. Regina: You don't, do you? I was supposed to be happy here. Mr. Gold: Forgive me, but, um, you're the Mayor. You're the most powerful woman in the town. What is there to be unhappy about? Regina: Everyone in this town does exactly what I want them to! Mr. Gold: (smiles) And that's a problem? Regina: Well, they do it because they have to, not because they want to. It's not real. Mr. Gold: I'm sorry, what exactly is it you want? Regina: Nothing you can give me. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Regina is at the call box. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Hello, Kurt? Mayor Mills. Good. You're still here. I would love to see Owen before you leave. Would you two like to come over for dinner tonight? Great. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Mausoleum. Regina is frantically searching through her mother's belongings. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Where is it? (Regina begins to cry when she opens her mother's locket which contains an image of them both. In pain, she begins ripping out of her mother's dresses that reveals a written curse.) Regina: Thank you, mommy. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. David and Mr. Gold walk into Regina's mausoleum to discover the mess she has left in her wake. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: Well, it appears we just missed our dear Queen. David: What is this? Mr. Gold: These are Cora's belongings. Looks like Regina's planning to use one of her spells on Mary Margaret. (Mr. Gold sees that two ingredients are missing from a potion case) Mr. Gold: Something's missing. Chimera blood. And viper's eye. David: What kind of curse do you need those for? Mr. Gold: It's the curse of the empty-hearted. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Mary Margaret's Apartment. Mr. Gold, David, and Emma are talking. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: What the hell does that do? Mr. Gold: In theory, it has the power to make someone love you. Emma: Doesn't that break magic laws? You can't bring back to life, you can't force someone to love you. Mr. Gold: This particular spell can make someone think they love you. And if you're as desperate for love as Regina appears to be, you just might believe it. Henry: (coming down the stairs) She's using it on me, isn't she. David: Hey buddy, why don't you go back upstairs, let us handle this. Henry: No! (He pushes past David and runs over to Emma.) Emma! You said you were going to be honest with me. Now, why is Regina using this curse? Mr. Gold: Because it's the only way she can get everything she wants. That she can get you. Henry: But if all she wants is me... Mr. Gold: Your mother is a complicated woman. She wants your love of course, but she also wants vengeance. On Mary Margaret. David: How does the curse give her both? Mr. Gold: Because the last ingredient she needs to enact the curse is the heart of the person she hates the most. Emma: You have to stop her. Mr. Gold: Oh, I don't have to do anything. On the contrary, I believe warning you fulfills my debt. David: Not even close! This is my wife's life we're talking about. Emma: Not to mention your grandson's! Mr. Gold: Well wars have costs. Emma: Nice. Mr. Gold: Well this is a blood feud, dearie. One that goes back a long time. And the only way you can end a blood feud, is by the spilling of more blood. That is the only way I know to eliminate your Regina problem. David: How, by killing her? Emma: Is there no other option? Mr. Gold: I'm afraid not. Henry: Stop! Listen to yourselves. You're talking about killing my mom! You used to be heroes. What happened to you? (He shakes his head and runs out of the apartment.) Emma: Henry. No matter how this plays out, we need to keep him as far away from it as possible. (She runs after him.) Mr. Gold: She's right. Cora is more dangerous because she didn't have a heart. Regina is even more dangerous because she does. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Regina, Owen and Kurt are eating dinner at Regina's house. [SCENE_BREAK] Kurt: This is delicious lasagna, isn't it Owen? Owen: Not really. Kurt: Owen. Regina: It's okay. I know I'm not the greatest cook. Unless it involves apples. (She chuckles and turns to look at Owen.) Speaking of which. How would you like to help me make turnovers for dessert? There's a bunch of apples sitting in the sink. Why don't you go pick out some red ones? (Owen gets up and leaves.) Kurt: (laughs) Owen is a bit of a free spirit. Like his mom. Regina: Is she back in New Jersey? With the boss? Kurt: With the boss. She uh... she passed away six months ago. Regina: I'm sorry. Kurt: That's why I brought him here actually. I thought that camping, new surroundings, that might help him take his mind off of things, but... Regina: I came here looking to start over too. It hasn't turned out quite the way I'd hoped. Kurt: And why's that? Regina: What good's a new life if you don't have anyone to share it with? Owen: (yelling) Hey! I thought we were making desert! (Regina gets up and heads to the kitchen. She helps Owen make the turnovers and puts them in the oven.) Regina: Voila. Owen: So, how come you're not a mom? Regina: It just didn't work out that way I guess. Owen: It's too bad. You'd be a really good mom. Regina: Thank you. Owen: So how much longer? (He points at the oven.) Regina: Patience. They're almost done. How are you liking Storybrooke so far? Owen: It's better than New Jersey. Regina: You don't miss your home? Your friends? Owen: I hate it there! All the kids at my school treat me weird now. Regina: Because of what happened to your mother? Owen: (nods) Nobody gets it. It's like- Regina: There's a piece of your heart missing. Kurt: (He walks into the kitchen.) How's desert coming? Regina: Great! Owen and I were just talking, and I know this might sound crazy, but how would you too feel about sticking around town a little longer? Kurt: Uh, stick around? As in? Regina: Move here! I could get you a job at the city, and there's a great school for Owen. Owen: Please Dad, can we? Regina: It could be a chance for a new start. Kurt: Look, I appreciate everything you've done for us, but out life is in New Jersey. It's not here. Regina: Of course. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Emma brings Henry into Granny's Diner to talk with Neal. [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: Why are you bringing me here? I don't want to talk to you. Emma: You don't have to. Neal: Hey, buddy! I saved you a seat! Emma: I'm going to go get a coffee. Neal: Yeah. Ruby: Here you go. One large sundae, extra everything. Neal: Thanks, Ruby! (He pushes the sundae across the table to Henry.) Henry: Extra everything? Neal: What? Henry: You think I don't know a bribe when I see one? (He pushes the sundae to the side.) Neal: That obvious, huh? Henry: So what do you want? Neal: Your mom told me about everything that's been going on and we thought that Storybrooke might not be the safest place for you right now. So I was thinking, why don't we go to New York? Henry: New York. Neal: Regina can't cast that curse if you're in New York. There's no magic there. Henry: So we should find a way to get rid of magic. My mom wouldn't want to cast the curse, my family wouldn't want to kill her, it would solve everything! Neal: Yeah. You know what, you're right! But until then, why don't you come with me. Emma: (She accepts a coffee from Ruby at the counter.) Thanks, Ruby. Greg: Can I get this sandwich wrapped up to go? I was thinking about going on a hike. Emma: A hike, huh? Greg: Well Dr. Whale said it would be good for me to get on my feet. Plus I'm kind of a nature photography nerd. Emma: He said you'd be back in Pennsylvania by now. Greg: This town's starting to grow on me. (He gives Ruby some money.) Thank you very much. (He leaves the diner.) Emma: (She walks back over to Neal. Henry is not at the table.) How did it go? Neal: Went good, he said yes. Emma: Seriously? Neal: Yeah, he's in the bathroom right now. I'm just gunna go home and pack. Not bad for day three as a dad if I do say so myself. Emma: Wait, where's his backpack? Neal: I don't know, he took it with him. Emma: To the bathroom? Did you really fall for that? He's your son. Neal: (Realizing what Henry is doing) He's running. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Henry is running through the woods. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Mary Margaret's apartment. Regina walks up the stairs and uses magic to open the door to the apartment. She heads toward Mary Margaret. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: (Steps in front of Regina) Nice try dearie. Did you really think it was going to be that easy? Regina: (To Mary Margaret) He can't be your guard dog forever. (Leaves) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Regina enters the Marine Garage. [SCENE_BREAK] Billy: So, what can I do to help Madame Mayor? Regina: Kurt Flynn's car. Billy: The one you asked me to fix ASAP. Regina: Yes. Plans have changed. I now need Mr. Flynn and his son to stay a while longer. Perhaps you can take a couple extra days with the repairs? Billy: I'm afraid that Mr. Flynn already picked the car up. Regina: What? When? Billy: Ten minutes ago. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Regina is in her office. She pulls out Sheriff Graham's heart and speaks into it. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Sheriff. Our visitors are driving out of Storybrooke. Find them before they cross the town line, pull the car over , and arrest the father for drunk driving. Then bring the boy to me. (She turns around and sees Kurt standing in the doorway. She puts the heart back in its box.) Kurt. Kurt: Mayor. Regina: That wasn't what it sounded like. Kurt: Don't want any trouble. Just came by to say thank you. Regina: Wait. It was just a misunderstanding. Kurt: No. I understood. We're leaving. Regina: I'm not going to hurt him. Please don't leave. Kurt: (Starts to leave. Sheriff Graham enters and pushes him against the desk.) What are you doing? Sheriff Graham: I'm afraid you're under arrest for driving under the influence. Kurt: What? Drunk? I'm not drunk and I sure as hell haven't been driving. Sheriff Graham: Don't make this harder on yourself. Kurt: (To Regina) What did you do to him? (To Sheriff Graham) She's controlling you. I don't know how but she had this glowing thing. It was shaped like a heart. Don't listen to her. Sheriff Graham: You say you haven't been drinking. (Kurt lunges forward and knocks the box with Sheriff Graham's heart in it off the desk. Sheriff Graham falls back, and Kurt runs away.) What was that? Owen: (Outside, Kurt gets in the car.) Dad, what's wrong? Kurt: We got to get out of here. (He speeds away.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Henry is running through the forest. He runs into Greg and falls. [SCENE_BREAK] Greg: Woah! (Helping Henry up.) Hey kid, you alright? Henry: Yeah. Greg: What are you doing out here all by yourself, huh? Henry: Boy scout. Trying to get a merit badge. (Greg folds his arms and looks at Henry as if he doesn't belive him.) what are you doing out here? Greg: I'm hiking. And I'm taking pictures of Maine scenic beauty. Henry: The hiking trail's that way.(He points towards the trail.) Greg: Okay. Thanks. Um, (He picks up Henry's bag and looks at the name tag.) Is it Henry? (He gives Henry the bag and Henry nods.) Well, good luck with your merit badge. (He walks away and Henry continues running.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. David, Ruby, Emma, and Neal are looking for Henry in the Storybrooke Mines. [SCENE_BREAK] David: Henry! Emma: Henry! Ruby: Down here! He was in here. Neal: Why would an eleven year old kid run away to the mines? Emma: Wouldn't be the first time. David: I think I know what he was looking for. (He shines his flashlight on a box of explosives.) The dynamite the dwarfs use for blasting. Emma: What the hell would he want dynamite for? Neal: To get rid of magic. Emma: Wait, what? Neal: At the diner he said someone should get rid of magic. Ruby: So he's going to blow it up? Neal: Where would he even go to do that? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Henry approaches the Storybrooke Wishing Well and takes the dynamite out of his backpack. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Greg is walking through the forest. He is calling Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Hello? Greg: Hi. Is this Henry's mother? Regina: Who's asking? Greg: My name's Greg Mendell. Regina: Who? Greg: The guy that crashed his car outside the town. See, I was out here hiking in the woods and he was by the White Pine Trail. And he was all by himself. Regina: What was he doing out there? Is he okay? Greg: I don't know. He ran off. But he seemed a little upset, and I just thought that you would want to know. That's all. Regina: I'm on my way. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Kurt and Owen are driving through Storybrooke. Regina and Sheriff Graham are following them in a police cruiser. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen: What's going on dad? What do they want? Kurt: We go to get out of here. Come on! Owen: Dad! Kurt: Look out! (Sheriff Graham swerves to avoid hitting an oncoming car.) Owen: Dad! Faster dad! Kurt: (approaching the town line) I think we lost them. Owen: (Sheriff Graham pulls in front of them , blocking the road.) Dad! Kurt: Alright. Listen to me. Run away into the woods. Get away as far as you can. You call your uncle. Go. Owen: No. Not without you. (He grips the lanyard key chain his father gave him.) Kurt: There's a reason I gave you that. Because as long as you have it, I'll always be with you. You can do this. So do it. Run! Go! Go! Run! (Sheriff Graham opens the car door. Owen leaves the car and starts running towards the town line. Sheriff Graham tries to arrest Kurt, but Kurt fights back. Regina gets out of the police cruiser.) You may have this whole town wrapped around your finger. But not my son. You can't force him to stay with you! Owen: (stops) Dad! Kurt: Don't stop! Run! Run! Regina: Owen. (approaching Owen) It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you. Owen: Why are you doing this? Regina: I just want you to stay with me. You said you liked it here. You want to stay here, don't you? Owen: Not like this. Regina: I'm sorry. I just wanted us to be happy. (Owen runs off.) Kurt: (from inside the police cruiser) Run Owen. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Henry is lighting a match next to the Storybrooke Wishing Well. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Henry? What are you doing? Henry: I'm getting rid of magic. It's ruining everything. And you can't stop me. Regina: All that's going to do is get you killed. Henry: You just say that because you need magic. So you can cast that curse on me.(Henry starts to light the dynamite but Regina uses magic to make it vanish.) Regina: I can't lose you Henry. You mean too much to me. Henry: Then don't cast the curse. Don't kill Mary Margaret. Regina: Henry, she has to pay. Henry: The curse. It won't make me love you for real. It'll be fake. Regina: But it will be something. I know it's hard for you to understand right now but you'll see. We can be happy. We can have everything. Henry: Not like this. Emma: Hey Regina! Get away from my son! Regina: He's not yours. He's mine. And after I cast this, you'll never see him again. David: That's never going to happen. Emma: If you want to kill Mary Margaret you're going to have to go through us. Regina: Okay. (Regina starts to use magic, but Henry runs between her and Emma, Neal, and David.) Henry: Stop! Neal: Henry, get out of the way! Henry: Not until someone helps me destroy magic! Regina: There's no way to get rid of it. You can't just blow it up! Emma: Magic isn't the problem, kid. It's her. Henry: It's not just her. It's everyone. Look what magic did to Mary Margaret. (to Regina) Look what it did to you! It's ruining everything. It makes good people do terrible things. Emma: And bad people. Henry: Please. It's going to destroy my family. Help me get rid of it. Regina: I can't do that Henry. But there is something I can do. (Regina burns the scroll with the curse on it.) Henry: Thank you. (He goes to Emma and they all walk away, leaving Regina alone.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. Owen is on the other side of the town line with two police officers. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen: Here! This is where they took my dad! Captain: There's nothing here kid. Owen: No. No. This is where Storybrooke was. By this rock. Captain: Son, there isn't a town called Storybrooke anywhere in Maine. Owen: So you don't believe me? Captain: Look. Now you've been through a lot. (Owen runs closer to the town line.) Son! Owen: I'll find you dad. I promise! (On the Storybrooke side of the town line, Regina, hidden to Owen, touches to magic barrier keeping her from crossing.) Captain: Come on son. Come on, let's go. It's okay. (The officers lead Owen away.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Mary Margaret's apartment. Mr. Gold is talking on the phone. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: Okay. (He hangs up.) That was your husband. It seems that Henry convinced Regina to destroy the curse. Which means my services are no longer required. Mary Margaret: How do you do it? Mr. Gold: Do what? Mary Margaret: Live with yourself. Knowing all the bad things you've done. Mr. Gold: Well, you tell yourself you did the right thing. And if you say it often enough, one day you might actually believe it. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Regina answers to door at her house. She sees Mary Margaret. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: You. Mary Margaret: Kill me. Regina: What? Mary Margaret: Regina, we have been fighting for so long. It's cost us so much. It has to end before anyone else dies. So please, just do it. Regina: Henry would never forgive me. But do you know what my problem is? I never learn from my mistakes. (She rips out Mary Margaret's heart.) Huh. Mary Margaret: What? Regina: (She shows Mary Margaret the heart, which has a black spot on it.) Do you see that? Mary Margaret: What did you do to it? Regina: Oh, I didn't do that. You did it. You darkened yourself. Mary Margaret: No. No. No. Regina: Yes. And once you blacken your heart, it only grows darker. And darker. Trust me. I know. Mary Margaret: So crush it. Do it. Crush it. Get it over with. Regina: And put you out of your misery? I don't need to destroy you. You're doing it to yourself. And along the way, you'll bring down that perfect little family you fought so hard to reunite. And then Henry will be mine. Mary Margaret: Please kill me. Please just kill me. Regina: You see, I can have everything. (She replace Mary Margaret's heart.) Thanks to you. Now get off my porch. (She goes inside and slams the door.) Greg: (He has been filming the scene from the sidewalk. He runs to his car and looks at the lanyard key chain on his set of keys.) I'll find you dad. I promise. (He starts the engine and drives away.)

Emma, David and Mr. Gold must protect Mary Margaret against Regina, who is out for revenge and has made it her mission to kill Mary; and Henry, fed up with all of the feuding, devises a plan to put an end to magic. Meanwhile, Regina discovers that a father and son have somehow found their way into her allegedly undetectable town as she and the fairytale characters deal with the effects of the newly cast curse 28 years prior.

fd_The_Office_04x10

fd_The_Office_04x10_0

Rolando: [on phone] Dunder Mifflin, this is Rolando. Oh yes, she's been expecting your call. [knocks on door] Karen: Yeah. Rolando: Karen? He's on line one. Karen: Thanks Ro. Hey, we finally connected. How's Scranton? [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: I am the regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin Utica branch. Turns out it's a pretty easy gig when your boss isn't an idiot and your boyfriend's not in love with somebody else. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Look, All I'm saying is it would be a great opportunity, and we'd love to have you come aboard. So think about it, okay? Okay, bye. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Look, for the record, a certain Scranton salesman approached me, okay? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This is perfect. Dwight: He looks like your twin. Michael: This is a dummy, a la Ferris Bueller's Day Off. We have tied a string to the wrist, which goes to the door. When somebody opens the door, the hand goes down, hits the remote, turns on the tape recorder, which is me snoring. Now nobody knows whether I am here, or whether I am gone. Dwight: I will know. Michael: But, you will not tell anyone. Dwight: I won't need to because we'll be together playing hooky. Yeah. Michael: Well, sometimes. Most of the time I will be with Ryan, or Darryl. [knock on the door] Yes? Oh good, good Stanley! First victim, this is what I want you to do. Go out, come back in. We're going to hide. I want you to tell me if this looks like me, okay? Stanley: I don't understand why sleeping at your desk is better than you not being here. Michael: Just go out, and come back in. Stanley: I got an offer from Utica for more money, and I'm going to take it. Michael: What? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey everyone, can I have your attention please? I just thought you all should know that Stanley Hudson is planning on leaving us, because our old friend Karen from Utica is going to give him more money to work there. All: [applause] Michael: No, no, no, no, no-no, no no. You completely misinterpreted my tone, this is a horrible thing. Clearly, Karen is trying to get back at us because Jim dumped her. Jim: Oh, I don't think that is what's happening. Michael: Okay, smarty pants, then why? Why is she trying to take Stanley from us? Stanley: I think it's because of my sales record. Michael: That could not possibly be it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You cannot take the hilarious black guy from the office. Stanley is part of what makes this branch so extraordinary. The bluesy wisdom, the sassy remarks, the crossword puzzles, the smile, those big watery red eyes. I don't know how George Bush did it when Colin Powell left, and if Utica thinks that they are going to poach Stanley, they have another thing coming. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: How can I get you to stay? Stanley: Money. Michael: Yeah we all want money. But there is none in the budget, so... Tell me why you're really leaving. Stanley: Money. Michael: Mo money mo problems, Stanley. You of all people should know that. Let me ask you this, if I were- Stanley: Money. Michael: Pssh, kay. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oscar, did you bring it? Oscar: To be Edwardian. His best work. Pam: Okay, well I have the tablecloth, don't forget the flatware. Oscar: Sure thing Pam, can't wait. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oscar, Toby, and I are founding members of the Finer Things Club. We meet once a month to discuss books and art, celebrate culture in a very civilized way. Sometimes the debate can get heated, but we're always respectful. There is no paper, no plastic, and no work talk allowed. It's very exclusive. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Besides having s*x with men, I would say that the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So tell me again why I can't be part of your club? Pam: Because some people think you monopolize the conversation by trying to be funny. Jim: Oscar? Pam: Some people. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: [on phone] Hello? Michael: Fillipellers, how's it hanging? Karen: Michael... Michael: To the left? Karen: Listen, I- Michael: To the right? Karen: I'm- Michael: Okay, enough small talk, go ahead. Karen: You called me. Michael: Yes, listen, um... You cannot tear Stanley from his family like this. Karen: I'm pretty sure his family's coming with him. Michael: No, his work family. Look, this is very hard for me, but I'm going to give you my best man. You may have Toby. Karen: Toby's not a salesperson. Michael: You can train him. He's very very smart, and funny, and charming... You know, I can't do it, Toby is the worst. That- that was a bluff, um... Listen, if you are going to poach one of my guys, I'm going to poach one of yours. Karen: Oooh. Good-bye Michael. Michael: Okay, good-bye. Wait! Wait! Karen, could you transfer me to one of your salespeople please? Your best one? [Karen hangs up] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I have Ben Nugent on the line, he is the top salesman in Utica. Michael: Hi Ben, Michael Scott. Ben: Hi Michael. Michael: I'm going to cut right to the chase here. Do you like magic? Because I'm a genie in a bottle, and I'm going to grant you three wishes. To move to Scranton, to have a great job, and to be my best friend. Ben: Aren't you the guy that hit the woman with your car? Pam: [giggles] Michael: [to Pam] Get out. [to Ben] Uh, yeah. I also saved her life, but I guess that's not as grabby. Ben: Everyone says Scranton branch is worse than Camden. Didn't everyone from Stanford quit, like immediately? Michael: No, I fired them, and your next. ... So what do you say? Ben: Seriously? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What is that guy talking about? Scranton is not lame. Scranton is the cool, fun branch. We're like Animal House. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Found him! Michael: Jim, we're getting crapped on. Word is that our branch sucks, and we have to do something about it. Jim: So what are you going to do? Michael: What are we going to do? We are going to make a monster sale, that's what we're going to do. Corcroan dropped Staples. Jim: Did they? Michael: Yes they did, oh yes they did, and we are going to murder it. You, me, Dwight are going to jump into my PT Cruiser, and we're going to crush this sale. We're going to prove, what the hell is that music? Pam: It's Vivaldi, for Finer Things. Michael: That's the problem, that's the problem. We need rock n' roll Pam, rock n' roll. Alright? [sees Toby in a bow-tie holding a plate full of tea cups] Oh... My... God, that's why people are leaving. I- I have no words. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: We just passed the exit for Corcroan. Michael: What? What? We did? Dwight and Michael: Surprise! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Michael: Look at his face! Look at his face! Jim: What are we doing? Dwight: Egg dripping, blah, blah, blah. Michael: What are we doing, Dwight, what we are doing? Dwight: Well, gee, Jim, I don't know, I guess there's no sales call today. Michael: We are going on a panty raid to Utica, is what we're doing. Jim: We're going to Utica? Michael: Uh-huh. Jim: I'm not going to Utica right now. Michael: Yes you are. Oh, buckle up Jim. Jim: No. Michael: We are going to make Karen wish that she had never been dumped by you. Michael and Dwight: [chanting] Utica! Utica! Utica! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael and Dwight: [chanting] Utica! Utica! Michael: In your face Dwight: Yow! Jim: I can't believe you guys. I'm not going to go further piss off my ex-girlfriend. Michael: Are you calling Karen? Jim: No, I'm not calling Karen. Dwight: He's lying. Michael: Yep, get it. Jim: What are you doing? Stop it, Dwight! Dwight: [throws Jim's cell phone out of the window] Gah-ah-hah-ha! Jim: Are you kidding me? Dwight: No communication with the outside world Jim. Michael: It had to be done, it had to be done. Jim: Well, that kind of sucks, because it had all the photos of my brother's new baby on it, so... Dwight: Oh no, that is too bad. Shoot. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Okay. Michael: Hey Dwight, he found it. Jim: You know what? I'm just going to call a cab from here. Michael: Alright, you're going to miss the best prank ever. Jim: Alright. Wait, what are you planning on doing? Michael: Do you really wanna know? Jim: Oh, God. [hangs up phone] Michael: Follow me, come here. Here's what we brought, we brought uniforms from the warehouse. I brought silly string, Dwight brought gasoline and chunks of rubber to make stink bombs. Dwight: Or real bombs. Michael: No, no, not real bombs. Dwight: Yeah, come on, it will be so badass. Michael: Uh, maybe, maybe, I don't know. Jim: No. Michael: It could be badass. Yeah, it will. Jim: No, no absolutely we are not doing this. Dwight: Come on, I already filled the bottles with the gas, it's going to be so badass. Jim: Are you kidding me? We've been driving around with this stuff in the trunk the whole time? Michael: Teach her to offer Stanley more money. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So the deal was, Dwight doesn't blow anything up, and I wear a costume. And a moustache. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So, why did you and Karen break up? Was it the s*x? Jim: What? Michael: I can't imagine the s*x being bad, I mean her body is... Jim: Okay, you know what? Michael: ...awesome. Jim: Why don't we play that alphabet game that you were talking about? Michael: Okay, I will start. Um, "A." [singing] "A" my name is Alan, and my wife's name is Alice, we live in Alaska, and we sell... Damn it! What do we sell? Um... Jim: It doesn't matter. Michael: I'm trying to think of what we could sell. Jim: Doesn't matter. Michael: Ah, la, la, la. What is that? That sound... The air-conditioning leaking or something? Jim: That doesn't make sense, couldn't be. Michael: What is that? Dwight, are you peeing? Dwight: I'm peeing in this empty can. Jim: Oh my God! Michael: Come on man, that is disgusting Dwight! Dwight: Well you said that we couldn't make anymore stops, and I really had to go. Jim: Michael, watch the road! Dwight: Hey, you're making me spray! Michael: I'll kill you man! Jim: Michael! Michael, pull over! Michael: That is just so disgusting! Jim: Pull over, pull over! Dwight: I think I cut my pen1s on the lid! [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Can you imagine a life where all you have to do is summer in the Italian countryside? Toby: I know right? I just want to go, and look at art, and swim in the Adriatic. Pam: And spend time with George Emerson. That's what I would do. I mean it's the best male protagonist we've read, right? Andy: [joins them at the table] Totally, I mean, come on, such a free spirit. Oscar: What are you doing? Andy: Just came to discuss my favorite E.M. Forester novel. Pam, these finger sandwiches look finger-lickin' delicious Pam. Pam: Uh, I'm sorry Andy, but this is a closed club. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: The Finer Things Club is the most exclusive club in this office. Naturally, it's where I need to be. The party planning committee is my back up, and Kevin's band is my safety. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Fine. I'll just sit here, in the common area, and read my book. Which just happens to be the very same book you're reading. Toby: Alright, just know that you're not in the Finer Things Club. Andy: Why can't I be in the club? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I can't believe we're here, I can't believe this is happening. Dwight: Believe it. Michael: Afro wig, do you want the afro wig? Jim: No, Michael. I'm not leaving the car. Michael: Yeah, Dwight, here's how it's going to go down. You and I- Jim: Guy's going by. Shh. Michael: You and I are going to sneak inside and pretend that we are warehouse workers. And then we will silly string the beejeezus out of the place. Dwight: And if we have to defend ourselves, I will stab the security guy in the eye with the jumbo chalk. Jim: No, no, you won't do that. Nope. Dwight: Then I'll grind up the jumbo chalk and blow it in his eyes. Jim: Dwight, nothing with the eyes, please? Dwight: Okay, Jim. Jim: Oh my God, that's her! That's her, go, go, go. Dwight: Let's move! Move, move, move, move! Jim: Shut up, you, shut up! This is the dumbest thing we've ever done. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I think it's interesting how Forster uses Italy to represent sexuality and passion. [Kevin dumping change in the snack machine] And that also brought up themes of, uh, you know, fate and coincidence. And Lucy's torn between these two things. She's torn between passion and convention. Kevin: Damn it! Pam: It just- [Kevin banging and shaking the snack machine] To be making a case for passion in Edwardian times, I thought was, uh... Oscar: Yes. Kevin: Damn it! [banging machine] Pam: Maybe sort of ahead of his time as a writer. Oscar: Very brave. [Phyllis beeping microwave in the background] Pam: Very brave choice also, I thought. Oscar: And George, his- his youthfulness. His, um, freedom. [Phyllis still beeping the microwave] Evokes, um, um, feeling, um, to the, um... What are you microwaving!? Phyllis: Popcorn. Pam: Why don't you use the microwave in the kitchen, Phyllis? Phyllis: Someone needs to clean it. It smells like popcorn. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: So, Stanley, are you really outta here? Stanley: Yep, looks that way. Andy: I'm gonna miss you man, you've been like an uncle to me. Like a kind old uncle Remus. I wanna stay in touch. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [from the walkie-talkie] We are in a stairwell. Dwight: [from the walkie-talkie] We are climbing some stairs. Dwight: I'm breathing heavily. Jim: Okay, you know what? You don't need to be updating me as much as you're updating me. Dwight: Well... Michael: There's a guy, there's a guy. Dwight: There's a security guard coming by. Hello, we're warehouse workers. Would you like more proof? Michael: Oh my God, oh my God, that was very close. Dwight: I can see the security guard's eyes. Jim: No, no, don't do anything to them. Dwight: I have to do something to his eyes. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: The eyes are the groin of the head. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Alright, Great Scott, if you found that choking hazard poster, just head on home. Michael: We found something far better, their crown jewel. Their industrial copier. Jim: Isn't that thing huge? Michael: It's enormous, but it's got wheels. We're wheeling it down the hall, into the stairwell. Get the car ready, keep the engine running. Jim: No, that is a terrible idea, don't do this. Michael: Aha! [crashing] Dwight: My hip bone! Michael: We're wedged between the copier and the railing. Ah! Ow! Ow, my leg! Jim leave us. Dwight: Don't leave us! Michael: Save yourself! Dwight: Don't leave us, help us, we need help Jim! Jim: Okay! First of all, stop using my name. And second of all- Michael: Dwight, you gotta move! Jim: Damn it guys! Michael: Dwight, could you move over a little bit. Dwight: I'm losing control of my bladder. Jim: Oh my God, oh my God, Karen is back! Dwight: Did you say Karen? Michael: Take her to a motel, make love to her Jim. Jim: No, I'm not doing that. Michael: Just say you wanna get back together. Jim: No, I'm not doing that! Michael: It doesn't have to mean anything. Just, do it for Stanley. Come on Jim, just climb on top of her and think about Stanley. Ah, Jim, if this is it for me, promise me something, host the Dundies. Karen: Jim? Jim: Hey Karen. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Uh, what are you doing here? Jim: First of all, hi. Karen: What are you doing here? Jim: You good? I'm just checking on the other branches. Michael wants me to do that from time to time, so... Dwight: Do not tell Karen about the industrial copier. Jim: Copy that. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: I cried for weeks over that guy, so yeah, seeing him climb out of a PT Cruiser in a ladies warehouse uniform, felt pretty good. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Let me ask you, did you accomplish what you wanted? Dwight: Listen lady, you can expect these kind of repercussions as long as you keep trying to poach our people. Karen: I'm taking Stanley. Dwight: Then we will burn Utica to the ground. Michael: [whispers] Dwight. Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them. And if you so much as harm a hair on Stanley's head, we will burn Utica to the ground. [they get up to leave] Karen: Jim, hang on a second? Jim: Yes? Karen: So you're still doing this kind of stuff, huh? Jim: Yeah, trying to quit though. Karen: If you wanted to see me, you could have just called me like an adult. Jim: Oh no, I didn't want to see you. Not that I'm not happy seeing you, right now, I'm just saying ultimately I was here for the copier. Equal, I'd say it was equal. So, good to see you... Karen: [huffs] Jim: I mean, it's just that- [clears throat] You know, Pam and I are still dating, so, and, I just mean that things are going really well, so I didn't want to see... you... Karen: Oh, things are going really well? Are they? They are? That's great, that's so great. I wanna hear more about how happy you are with Pam. Can you tell me more about that? Thank you so much for coming to Utica, and breaking my copier, and telling me how well things are going in your relationship, really, thank you. Jim: [slinking out of the room] Alright, you are welcome. I'm going to go because of, um, traffic. Karen: Traffic, yeah. Oh, def- go, go because of traffic, definitely, beat-beat the traffic, mm-hmm. Jim: I... will... [gives up and walks away] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: We tried and we failed. Stanley, you may go. Here is a box, for your things, but I doubt that that box will be able to contain all the memories that you have of this place. Fly away sweet little bird, fly away and be free. Pam, I'm gonna need some help writing a want ad. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Um, wanted[/b]: middle aged black man with sass. Big butt, bigger heart. [knock on the door] I can't do this. Stanley: Michael? A word? Michael: Of course. Stanley: I changed my mind, I wanna keep this job. Michael: Really? [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: I wasn't really planning on leaving, all I wanted was a raise. How on Earth did Michael call my bluff? Is he some sort of secret genius? [laughs] Sometimes I say crazy things. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey. Pam: I'm so sorry, Rolando told me everything. How humiliating. Would it help you to return to another age? A time of refinement, and civility. Jim: Are you inviting me to the Finer Things Club? Pam: [nods head yes] Andy: Oh-oh, come on! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Irish accent] Angela's Ashes, top o' the morning to us. Frankie's prose is funnier than a pot of gold, say I. Oscar: Okay, did you get it out of your system. Jim: Yep. No, I mean I really liked it. I thought was uh, a fun read. Toby: Fun? Jim: Mm-hmm. Toby: Really? Jim: Yeah. Toby: What was fun about it for you? Was it the death of the twins? Jim: No, that wasn't fun. Toby: Did you even read it? Jim: Of course I read it. Oscar: How does it end? Toby: Who was the main character? Jim: Angela. Nope. The ashes. Pam: [mouths "I'm sorry" to Oscar]

Karen, now Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Utica, attempts to lure Stanley away from Dunder Mifflin Scranton. Pranking Karen for her attempt, Michael and Dwight trick Jim into accompanying them on a "panty raid" to Utica. When they are discovered, Karen scolds them and is further angered when Jim informs her that he and Pam are now dating. Back at Scranton, Michael bids Stanley goodbye, who then tells Michael he's decided to stay, revealing that he only said he had left to try to get a raise.

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ACT ONE Scene One - KACL Frasier is doing his show. Frasier: So just remember, when you're standing there, that what you're going through... Kenny enters Roz's booth in a hurry and taps her on the shoulder. Kenny: Why hasn't Frasier mentioned the Spokane thing yet? Roz: I don't know. I'm sure we'll get to it by the end of the show. Kenny: Well, he'd better, because I left him a memo and an email specifically asking him to promote the Spokane thing. Now ignoring an email is one thing, but a memo and an email? Well, I may have to bring the hammer down and leave a Post-It on his desk. Frasier: Which brings me to a bit of news. Starting Monday, there will be a new addition to the Frasier Crane radio family: the city of Spokane. [smiles at Kenny] Kenny: Oh, thank goodness. Man, that was like the Cuban Missile Crisis for a moment, wasn't it? He leaves the booth. Frasier: In fact, KQZY is not only going to be carrying the show, but they've invited Roz and me to conduct Monday's broadcast from their studios in Spokane. But fret not, Seattle. Although my body will be 300 miles away, my heart will be firmly lodged in your radios. [beat] You know, that sounded a lot better this morning in the shower. Anyway, good day and good mental health. He goes off the air. Roz comes in. Roz: I thought Friday was your bath day. Frasier: Ah, I woke up late. So, Roz, what time do you want me to pick up you and Roger on Sunday? Roz: Oh, there's been a change in plans. Roger is not coming to Spokane. Frasier: Really? Well, nothing wrong, I hope. Roz: We broke up. Frasier: Oh, Roz, I'm so sorry. Roz: We just talked about some problems we'd been having and decided, you know, we'd be better off apart. Frasier: When did this happen. Roz: Last week. Frasier: Last week-? Roz: I didn't tell you because I didn't want to have a long conversation. Frasier: I understand. You must be going through a lot right now. You know, back in private practice I used to tell my grief group... Roz: See, this is exactly what I mean. I appreciate your concern, but I am fine, really. Frasier: Okay. Boy, what a surprise. No more Roger. Roz: I know. Frasier: Yes, he had a rare kind of dignity and integrity you don't see much of nowadays. Especially among people who own a bench press. You know, I don't believe I've ever met anyone else with that combination of gentility and brute strength. Well, not anybody single, anyhow. Roz gives a weak laugh. Frasier: I'm not helping, am I? Roz: No. She goes into her booth. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Apartment Frasier comes home from work and sees Niles at the bar pouring sherry. Frasier: Niles! Niles: Hey. Frasier: I thought you and Daphne were going out tonight. Niles: She's still getting ready. Hey, Frasier, am I dressed appropriately for something called "Banana-rama"? [he says wearing his traditional suit] Frasier: You're in Armani, who could object? They shrug. Martin comes in. Martin: Hey, guys. Frasier: Dad. Martin is followed through the door by two workmen carrying a long, flat piece of lumber. Martin: Uh, just lean it up against the window there, will you? [they do] Frasier: What is this? Martin: It's mahogany. Real straight grain, too. I found it outside the construction site next door? Can you believe they were going to throw it away? Frasier: Dad, I thought we had this discussion when you found that mattress on the side of the highway. Martin: But this isn't for resale, I'm going to make a TV table out of it. [tips the workmen as they leave] Thanks, fellas. Isn't it a beaut? Niles: [inspecting the underside] There's a ketchup packet stuck to it. Martin: Oh, it's going to feel good to break out the tools, roll up my sleeves, and make something with my own two hands. As he says this, Frasier and Niles exchange a big look. Frasier: Dad, are you sure this is a good idea? Woodworking has never been your strength. Niles: Yeah, I think the scariest words of my childhood were, "Your father needs your help down in the basement." Martin: Well, I must have done something right. I made a lot of good stuff. Frasier: Even with directions, you could never assemble anything. I remember a play set where the slide ended right in front of the swings. Niles: I don't remember that. Frasier: I know. Sorry. Martin: Now, I'm gonna build a TV table, and I need a number one helper. Whose turn is it? Niles hurriedly points to Frasier. Frasier: No, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I am leaving for Spokane on Sunday, I will not be available. Niles: Your show's not till Monday! Frasier: Yes, well I have sponsors to meet, I have press interviews and photo sessions. Niles, this is a very big step in my career. If I can prove that my brand of radio travels well, perhaps I can parlay Spokane into Denver, Chicago... maybe even New York City. Martin: [to Niles] Well, you win, buddy. I'll see you tomorrow. Be sure to wear some work gloves. Oh, and some coveralls. We don't want a repeat of that necktie-in-the-band-saw incident. He exits. Niles: Oh, great. With my luck, there'll be a baseball game on the radio, too. Frasier: It won't be so bad. Niles: Oh, how can you say that? You once tried to report him to the Child Labor Board. Frasier: Well, at least I was being proactive. I recall you used to lock yourself in the bathroom to cry. Niles: I didn't go in there to cry. I went in to re-gather my patience. Frasier: Say, Niles, why don't you just ask Daphne to fill in for you? Niles: Daphne? Frasier: Well, why not? She's gonna owe you big time after dragging you to this banana event. Niles: No, no, it's a concert. And I hardly think it compares to the torture of assisting Dad. Daphne comes out. To borrow a phrase from Joe Keenan, "I lack the sartorial vocabulary to describe the result." I have an intimation that it's a fasion of the 70's. Her hair is done up with an oversized silver bow, she's wearing a pink blouse with an oversized silver belt and a white jacket, and black pants with high white boots. Daphne: All right, I'm ready. [sees him] Oh, Niles, you're not going in those clothes. Come with me. [takes his hand] I got you some hair gel and parachute pants. As he is led to her room, Niles throws a frightened glance at Frasier. [SCENE_BREAK] GETTING SULLIED Scene Three - KQZY Meeting Room Frasier stands by a podium while the station manager, Herm Evans, prepares him. Herm: Okay, here's the drill. Now, I'll introduce you to the reporters, they'll ask you questions. Try not to go on too much. The faster we get them to the courtesy liquor, the better. Frasier: Oh, don't worry. I'll be able to get my message across. You see, I'm a bit of a puppeteer when it comes to the press. Herm: Good. [walks away, but turns back] But still, liquor. Kenny comes through a door behind Frasier. Kenny: Oh, sorry I'm late, Doc. I, uh, had a situation at the hotel but it's under control now. Frasier: Judging from the pillow wrinkles on your cheek, I'd say it was a nap situation. Kenny: The point is, it's under control. Herm comes back. Herm: Kenny Daly! Don't say hi or anything? Kenny: Herm Evans! [shakes his hand] So, how's our star doing? Everything go okay with the CPS's? Herm: Terrific. Kenny: And your ExecComm? Herm: Oh, they're thrilled. Kenny: What about the M-and-M's? Herm: [hands him a bowl] Help yourself. Kenny: Thanks. Roz comes in. Roz: Hey, everybody. [they all greet her] Frasier: Oh listen, let me introduce you to Herm Evans, the station manager here. Herm: [shakes her hand] Nice to meet you, Roz. Roz: Thanks. Herm: Now that everybody's here, I'll go get the reporters. Frasier: Right, right. [Herm leaves] Uh, Roz, listen. Sure you're up to this? Roz: Yeah, why? Why wouldn't I be? Frasier: Well, it's been a tough time lately, you know, with the Roger situation. Roz: Oh, knock it off, Frasier. I'm fine. Frasier: You sure? Roz: Yes. Frasier: Because, believe me, I wouldn't blame you if you were struggling a little bit. I mean, believe me, my head would be filled with "what if's" and "if only's" and, God forbid, the looming question, "What if I'll never again have the chance..." Oh, here comes the press! All right, big smiles! Frasier takes the podium, having thrown Roz back into turmoil, as Herm leads in half a dozen reporters. Herm: Thanks for coming, everybody! [to a heavyset photographer] Hey, Matt, is that a new tie, or did you just have it cleaned? [laughs] Hey, there'll be plenty of time for that cheese plate after you've fallen in love with KQZY's proud new addition, Dr. Frasier Crane. Polite applause. Frasier: Thank you, thank you very much. I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce my lovely producing partner, Roz Doyle. [puts his arm around her] I must say, I'm looking forward to becoming part of the radio landscape here in Spokane. Frank: [male reporter] Dr. Crane, how do you feel about taking over Neal Sullivan's time slot? Frasier: I'm sorry, who? Herm: Nobody, it's just the guy you're replacing. Cathy: [female reporter] A nobody? He's been a Spokane institution for 30 years. Herm: Yes, we all saw your column. You know what would make another great column? Dr. Crane went to Harvard and Oxford. Wow. Frank: No offense, Dr. Crane, but all your degrees aren't going to make us forget about Sully. Frasier: And I don't intend that they should. I don't want you to forget about anyone. I'm here to help people. Cathy: Sully helps people. Every Fourth of July, he organizes a group of troubled teens and cleans up all the trash on the riverbanks. Frank: Will we be seeing you on the Fourth of July? Herm: [turns to the table] Oh hey, what's this over here? Free liquor? An old man enters through the back door carrying a box. Frank: Hey, Sully! [all the reporters greet him] Sully: Hey, guys. Don't let me interrupt. I'm just clearing out a few things from my desk. Wanted to stop by and wish my successor luck. He shakes hands with Frasier, drawing applause and several flashbulbs. Frasier: Oh, thank you. Thank you so much, Mr. Sullivan. And as someone who has served Spokane so well, your blessing is deeply appreciated. Sully: Oh, you don't need my blessing. I'm just a simple man with a passion for Spokane in his heart, and a termination notice in his pocket. Cathy: Sully, will you be listening to Dr. Crane's show tomorrow? Sully: Not sure, Cathy. I've been going around on that one like the horses on the Looff. All the reporters laugh. Frasier: I'm sorry, the Looff? Sully: It's a carousel. But I guess you have to be in the city more than three hours to know that. More laughter. Frank: Sully, what are you going to do with your time now? Sully: Good question, Frank. When my dad retired, he died a month later. Take that any way you like. But, uh... you know what, fellas, you really should be asking Dr. Crane the questions. Anyone needs me, I'll be down the street at Mulligan's, buying rounds. Keep smiling. Sully walks out. Cathy: We'll miss you! Let's hear it for Sully. Press: [singing] For he's a jolly good fellow... As they continue, Frasier dismounts the podium, and motions to Kenny for a stiff drink. Kenny, who has already poured one, hands it to Frasier and then takes a long pull straight from the bottle. END OF ACT ONE [SCENE_BREAK] ACT TWO Scene Four - Apartment Daphne and Martin, wearing work clothes and safety goggles, are standing over a piece of wood on a worktable. Daphne: Now, I think we're going to need a smaller drill bit. Where's the chuck key? Martin: The what? Daphne: You know, [points behind him] that thing there. Martin: [holds it up, condescending] The tighten-er. Daphne: It's called the chuck key. Martin: Well, maybe in England. Here in the U.S., it doesn't have a specific name. Daphne: Did you get the wood screws? Martin: Oh, damn! I forgot to pick them up at the hardware store. Daphne: Well, don't worry, I'll run out and fetch them. Martin: [getting his coat] No, it's all right. I'll get them. Why don't you get started on the foot pads? Daphne: All right. [points] Watch out for the extension cord. [he stops] That's the orange electricity hose. Martin: I know what it is. The doorbell rings. Martin opens it to Niles. Niles: Hey, Dad. Martin: Hey, Niles. I thought you were busy with an emergency at Northwest. Niles: I-I was. Actually, I just finished. [points to his lapel] See, this is my guest badge, that has today's date on it? You can't fake that. Martin: Uh-huh. See you in a half-hour. [leaves] Niles: All right. [to Daphne] You look adorable. [kisses her] You look like the princess of safety. Look, I'm so sorry for roping you into this. Daphne has removed her goggles and started to apply glue to the pads. Daphne: Oh, don't be. Reminds me of when I used to mess about in the garage with my brothers. Used to build all sorts of things. Splints, crutches, peg legs. Niles: Still, you're very sweet to help Dad out. I don't think I could take his bossiness. Daphne: Oh, he's not so bad. Could you hand me a rag? Niles: [looks] Uh... sure. [does] Any interest in sneaking off to your room while the foreman's away? Daphne: That sounds lovely, but first I have to get these pads on. Can you press on this for a moment? Niles: Yeah, no problem. [does] Maybe later we'll try out my "Wagner for Lovers" CD. Daphne: I need another rag. Niles: Oh, coming up... a rag. [grabs one while keeping one hand on the pad] Daphne: Could you grab me some sandpaper, too? Niles: [fumbling] Uh, yeah, sure. Of course. Daphne: Don't press too tight or the pad will slide. Niles: Oh. Daphne: Careful, even pressure. [fixes his hand] Like this. Niles: Yeah, that's-that's what I'm doing. Daphne: Well, then why is glue squirting out? I need the rag. Niles: Okay. [hands it to her] Never said I was good at carpentry. Daphne: Carpentry? This is gluing felt. Can you hand me the square? Niles: Ah, yes. [does] Here's the square. Daphne: No, no, no, [points] that one. Why is the pad hanging off the side? Niles: Well, I think that it slipped when I was handing you the rags and the sandpaper and the square, and by the way, you're welcome. Daphne: By the way, still waiting for that sandpaper. Niles: [straightens up] Okay, let's stop. He walks over and sits on the ottoman, and takes a deep breath. Niles: This is as bad as working with Dad. Daphne: Look, Niles, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm just trying to get this done and get it done well. Okay? Niles: Okay. Daphne: I love you. Niles: I love you, too. Daphne: And yet, I'm still waiting for that sandpaper. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Five - KQZY Studio Frasier surveys the radio booth while Roz is trying to get comfortable at her console. Unlike KACL, this studio has no divide between the talent and producer's desks. Frasier: You know, this layout doesn't really allow us to do any call screening. Well, I guess you can still just check the sound levels. Roz: Oh boy, the sound levels? "Dear Diary, after years and years of wishing..." Frasier: Yes, all right, Roz. Kenny and Herm enter. Kenny: Hey, Doc. Everything all right here? Frasier: Yeah, it's fine. Roz: But guess who gets to check the sound levels? Frasier: I said all right, Roz. Kenny: Just wanted to make sure you're relaxed and ready to go... and haven't read today's paper. Frasier: I read it. Everything from the adoring salute to Sully, to the cartoon of me and Satan doing a jig on Sully's coffin. Herm: About that - it might be a good idea to steer clear of any on-air references to Sully. Frasier: On the contrary, I intend to confront this situation head-on. I intend to reach out to the listeners, ease their suffering, and thereby demonstrate what we do best. Herm: Now, that's the kind of attitude this station needs. Of course, if your ratings are low, I still have to fire you. [laughs] What a crazy business, huh? Roz: Ten seconds. Kenny: Knock 'em dead. Kenny and Herm exit. Roz: [whispering] Good luck. [points] Frasier: Hello, and welcome from Seattle to Spokane, this is the Frasier Crane Radio Network. We are broadcasting today from the Lilac City where we have just replaced a beloved local icon, Neal Sullivan. Now, Sully did a lot for this city and in my own way I hope to make the same kind of contribution that he did. With that in mind, let's go to the phones. He looks at Roz, who points back at him. He looks at his own board, and presses a button. Frasier: Go ahead, caller. I'm listening. Caller 1: [v.o.] Go back to Seattle. [hangs up] Frasier cuts off the dial tone. Roz: How was the level on that? Frasier makes a sour face at her. Frasier: Now, now, people, I understand how you might be angry, and there's nothing wrong with venting that feeling, but please stay on the line long enough for me to respond. [presses another button] Go ahead, I'm listening. Caller 2: [v.o.] Hi, I'm just letting all the Sully fans know we're boycotting KQZY until he comes back. Frasier: Now people, please, we need to talk. We need to move forward. Otherwise, we're just going to be going around and around like the horses on the Looff! He gives Roz a thumbs-up, but Caller 2 hangs up. Frasier cuts it off. Frasier: All right, well, you know, perhaps our callers from Seattle could help show the new folds how it's done. [looks at his alternate board] I'm afraid we don't have any calls from Seattle. This is strange. Um... perhaps this would be a good time to go to a commercial break here on the Frasier Crane Radio Network. He goes to commercial. Kenny and Herm come in. Kenny: Hey-hey, you're doing great. Frasier: I am not, they hate me. Kenny: Okay, since we're being straight... um, Herm doesn't think it's going very well. Frasier: Yes, well, where's my support? Where are the callers from Seattle? Kenny: Seattle isn't getting the signal. [looks at Herm] Herm: Well, something's obviously screwed up at KACL. Kenny: Oh, it's not KACL. It's probably that transmitter you bought off the Ukrainian Internet. [exits] Herm: [follows him out] Hey, 20 minutes ago you were really impressed with that Ukrainian Internet. Frasier: I'm sure the people of Spokane would just get on board if they could get some understanding of what we actually do. We could use a... like an example. You know, a sample call. [looks at Roz] Roz: Are you asking me to call in? Frasier: Roz, please? I tell you what - just make up something, anything at all. Roz: Okay. Five seconds. She cues him, and then picks up the phone. Frasier: Hello, and welcome back to the Frasier Crane Show. We are broadcasting today from KQZY in beautiful Spokane. [Roz holds up four fingers] Let's go to the phones. [presses line four] Hello, caller. I'm listening. Roz: Hi, Dr. Crane. My name is Ro... berta, and, um... I'm afraid of the dark. She smiles at him. He gives her a "you can do better than that" look. Frasier: What is it about the dark that frightens you? Roz: Um... I don't know. Um... Long pause. Frasier: Often a fear of darkness is a fear of the unknown. It is in darkness where our imaginations give shape to our deepest anxieties. What image comes to mind for you? Roz: Nothing, actually. Frasier: [eyes furious] Nothing? Roz: Yeah, when everything disappears, there's nothing. Just emptiness. Frasier: I see. And what is it about the emptiness that frightens you? Roz: It's... lonely, for one thing. Frasier: Have you always felt this way? Roz: For a while I didn't. Frasier: What was different then? Roz: I had somebody. A guy I really liked. And then we broke up... [breaks down crying] Oh God, Frasier. I miss him so much. I-I don't know how I fell in love again. I mean, I swore I wouldn't. I knew better. I should have known better! And then, sure enough, six months in, he tells me there's no fireworks. And what am I supposed to say? [sobs] Frasier: I'm so sorry. But listen to me. You can't blame yourself for letting someone into your heart. Love is always a risk. But you have to take it. The pain you're feeling now will pass in time, and you'll find yourself ready to take that risk again. Until then... take comfort in your friends. They want to help you. They love you. Roz: Yeah, thanks. Frasier: You're welcome. They throw off their headphones, get up and embrace. Kenny rushes in, pointing urgently at the lit-up "ON THE AIR" sign. They break apart and resume their positions. Frasier: Okay, Spokane. Let's hear what you have to say. [presses button] Go ahead, caller. I'm listening. Caller 3: [v.o.] Hi, Dr. Crane. I was going to say "you suck" but while the phone was ringing I heard that last caller and I just want to tell her to hang in there. Frasier: [smiles at Roz] That's very kind of you. [presses another button] Go ahead, caller. I'm listening. Carl: [v.o.] Hi, uh, my name's Carl. Frasier: Hello, Carl. Carl: I'm kind of going through the same thing as that Roberta woman. Frasier: Really? Well, then perhaps you could share your experience with us and possibly help Roberta and some of our other listeners. Carl: Well, it's hard to talk about. She hasn't technically dumped me yet, but I'm pretty sure it's coming. And I don't know if I should bring it up first, or just avoid the whole subject and hope things get better. Frasier and Roz smile at each other - they're into their groove. Frasier: Well, Carl, uh... these problems rarely resolve themselves. I realize that an honest conversation at this point may be a little daunting, but... As he goes on, we FADE TO: Scene Six - Apartment Daphne is sanding the finished TV table. Daphne: I'm finished! It turned out great. Looking somewhat guilty, she steps over to the powder room. Daphne: I'm sorry I yelled at you. You were a big help. I couldn't have done it without you. The door slowly opens, and Martin comes out, subdued. Martin: You mean it? Daphne: Absolutely. Come and take a look. Martin: Oh, that is sharp! Niles, come look at the table. Daphne looks guilty again as Niles slowly follows Martin out of the powder room. His eyes are red-rimmed. Niles: [sulky] I like the footpads. END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Niles and Martin are sitting on the floor applying varnish to the TV table. Daphne comes in the front door, gives them each a kiss, and then goes to the kitchen. Niles and Martin, finished, start to rise - but Niles has caught his tie in the table. They hurriedly sit down again as Daphne comes out with drinks for them, acting as if they're still working.

Frasier's show has been picked up by a station in Spokane , and he excitedly announces that he and Roz have been invited there by the station to do their first show from Spokane. Once off air, he also learns from Roz that she and Roger have broken up. Frasier wants to help, but Roz says she is OK about it. Once in Spokane, Frasier appears at a press conference to introduce himself and Roz to the local media. During this conference the reporters are obnoxious and condescending as they say that he will probably never be able to live up to local icon Neil Sullivan (affectionately known as Sully by the locals). When Sully arrives to make a final appearance and to wish Frasier luck the reporters give a dramatic final send-off. Things do not go too smoothly during Frasier's show either; every caller wants him to go back to Seattle , with some deciding to boycott the station until Sully comes back on the air. Frasier is determined to show the local audience his brand of therapy can help, and so convinces Roz to call in with a problem. Originally Roz improvises and says she is afraid of the dark. But Frasier delves deeper into the problem and this soon develops into him resolving Roz's feeling of loss and emptiness over the break-up with Roger. Meanwhile, Martin, Niles and Daphne work together to try to build a TV table. Earlier in the episode when Martin expresses his desire to build the TV table, Niles recalls his childhood hatred of building things with Martin as Martin was never any good. But in a turn of events Daphne is the real bossy one and not only upsets Niles but Martin also.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_12x06

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_12x06_0

DOCTOR WHO THE ARK IN SPACE BY ROBERT HOLMES PART ONE 5:30pm - 5:55pm [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: All the same, I think we'll just check a few of the beds while we're here. HARRY: What are we checking for, exactly? DOCTOR: Just to make sure that everything's in order. HARRY: Right-o. HARRY: Doctor? DOCTOR: What have you found? DOCTOR: Sarah! Oh, Sarah Jane! HARRY: We can't help her now. DOCTOR: No. She'll be like that for 3,000 years at least. Even if we had a resuscitation unit, it's doubtful if we could revive her now. HARRY: There must be something we can do! What would a resuscitation unit look like? DOCTOR (OOV.): Very like an oxygen cylinder. You'll recognize it if there is one. HARRY: Well, it's dead, anyway. DOCTOR: Very dead. Almost mummified. HARRY: What is it? DOCTOR: That's something we can leave till later. No sign of the resuscitation tank? HARRY: I hardly had a chance to look. DOCTOR: Emergency medical kit, wouldn't you say? HARRY: Bit beyond me, I'm afraid. DOCTOR: There must be something there that would help Sarah, but what? What? HARRY: Doctor, look! DOCTOR: Of course! They don't need a tank! The resuscitation phase is programmed in! (OOV.)Look, she's starting to breathe! HARRY (OOV.): Yes, I think she is! DOCTOR (OOV.): No doubt about it. HARRY: That means there's hope for Sarah. Yes, look - she's moving. (To the woman.) Something you want? Can't I do that for you? HARRY: Independent sort of bird, isn't she? DOCTOR: Leave her, Harry. HARRY: But she's... DOCTOR: There's nothing you can do. She knows what she's doing. VIRA: Explain yourselves. DOCTOR: Well... there isn't very much to explain. We're just travellers in space like yourself. VIRA: That is not adequate. HARRY: My name's Sullivan. Surgeon Lieutenant Harry Sullivan, actually. And, er, this is the Doctor. VIRA: You claim to be med-techs? HARRY: Sorry? DOCTOR: My doctorate is purely honorary. And Harry here is only qualified to work on sailors. VIRA: My name is Vira. I am a first med-tech. DOCTOR: Well, I'm delighted to hear it! You see, we happen to be in rather desperate need of medical help. VIRA: This female is a stranger. HARRY (OOV.): She's a friend of ours. HARRY: She got caught in the machinery. VIRA: She was not among the chosen. HARRY: Well, she's among the chosen now, isn't she? DOCTOR: Is there any way of reversing the cryogenic process? VIRA: That can be dangerous. How long since she underwent tissue irradiation? HARRY (OOV.): Can't be more than an hour, can it, Doctor? We haven't been here more than an hour altogether. VIRA: Receding neural activity. HARRY: Is there anything you can do for her? VIRA: Is she of...value? HARRY: Of value?! She's a human being, like ourselves! What sort of question is that? DOCTOR: The answer is yes. VIRA: Your comrade is a romantic. DOCTOR: Perhaps we both are. VIRA: I will inject a monod block. HARRY: That'll do the trick, eh? VIRA: Your colony speech has no meaning. HARRY: I mean, it'll bring her around - reverse the process? VIRA: She will either survive or die. The action of the antiprotonic is not predictable. DOCTOR: I see. You've changed her body into a battlefield. VIRA: Battlefield? I hypoied in classicals, but you dawn-timers have a language all of your own! DOCTOR (Whispering. To HARRY.): We have a small communications problem. HARRY (Whispering. To the DOCTOR.): I wish there was something I could do. VIRA: It is done. There is nothing further. As she revives, her electrical field will draw power from the bionosphere. VIRA: Here is our Prime Unit. HARRY: Prime Unit? VIRA: Er... our leader, I think you would say. Noah. HARRY: Noah? Oh, I see. As in Noah's Ark, eh? VIRA: It is a name from mythology. His real name...is Lazar. But we called him Noah as an amusement. HARRY: Er...joke? VIRA: Joke? Oh, yes... There was not much joke in the last days. DOCTOR: What happened in the last days, Vira? VIRA: Your colony has no records, no history? Where are you from? HARRY: London, actually... England. The Earth. VIRA: That's not possible. Earth is dead. DOCTOR: I'm afraid you're probably wrong about that. VIRA: The solar flares destroyed all life on Earth. DOCTOR: Ah, solar flares? I see... VIRA: Our scientists calculated it would be 5,000 years before the biosphere became viable again. DOCTOR: Oh, the absolute minimum, I'd say. But I'm afraid I have something of a shock for you, Vira. VIRA: Shock? DOCTOR: You've overslept by several thousand years. You see, when we came here, we found a massive systems failure. VIRA: The systems have no capacity for failure! DOCTOR: Possibly not. But a long time ago, when you were dormant, you had a visitor. Come, I'll show it to you. VIRA: Is it from space? How did it get here? DOCTOR: I don't know yet, but observe the size of the brain pan. It had a purpose in coming here, and, once inside, it severed most of the satellite's control systems, including your alarm clock, so to speak. VIRA: What purpose...? [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: Still no change, Doctor. DOCTOR: No... For once in my life, I feel surplus to requirements. [SCENE_BREAK] VIRA: Doctor? DOCTOR: What is it? VIRA: There is a technical fault in the bionosphere. DOCTOR: I don't think the fault's at this end. It's in the main power supply. VIRA: It must be corrected! If his heart stops now, there is nothing I can do. DOCTOR: Don't worry. I noticed the Ark has a secondary power supply. Harry, you stay here and keep an eye on things. HARRY: Right-o. VIRA: Yes, but... The Ark was designed to have a negative fault capacity. HARRY: Gremlins can get into everything, old girl. That's law of the sea. [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: There you are! What did I tell you? The Doctor's a first-class boffin. VIRA: Good. He will revive soon. DOCTOR (OOV. On the intercom.): Harry? HARRY: I say! That was quick! [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: Doctor? Doctor, where are you? DOCTOR (OOV.): In the Control Room. Have you got the power back on in there? [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY (OOV.): Yes, we have. Everything's shipshape now. DOCTOR: Splendid. The fault seems to be in the main solar stack. I'm just going to take a look. HARRY (OOV.): Right-o. [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: I say, Doctor, don't be long, will you? [SCENE_BREAK] NOAH: Vira... VIRA: Welcome, Commander. NOAH: It's over. It's over, Vira. You and I are alive again! VIRA: And together. NOAH: Who is this? HARRY: Lieutenant Sullivan, sir. NOAH: A regressive?! Here? HARRY: I'm no regressive! I'm a Naval officer! Sarah... NOAH: Clearly a regressive! His speech patterns prove it. How did he get here? VIRA: They claim they are travellers in space. NOAH: They? VIRA: There are three of them. Another male called the Doctor and that female. They say she was irradiated by error. HARRY: Vira, she's coming round! NOAH: There was a regressive faction among the volunteers for Colony 9. VIRA: With a zero-zero survival predic. One generation. NOAH: Even so... our genetic pool has been balanced, cross-matched, compat-evaluated. Three random units could threaten our survival. VIRA: The Council can decide, Noah. The plan had a 7% stretch factor. HARRY: I think she's going to be all right. VIRA: She will revive soon. HARRY: Oh, thank heaven for that! Well done. The Doctor will be delighted. NOAH: Where IS the Doctor? HARRY: Oh, he says you've got a spot of bother in your... Anyway, he's gone to fix it. NOAH: What? HARRY: Er...solar stacks, I think he said. (To VIRA.) Yes, she's breathing! [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY (To a still unconscious SARAH.): Soon have you up and about, old thing. This won't hurt a bit. SARAH: Urgh! HARRY: Perhaps just a little bit. VIRA: If you are space travellers as you claim, you should leave now. HARRY: I say, that's a bit brusque, isn't it? If it hadn't been for the Doctor... VIRA: Noah will not permit contamination of the genetic pool. All regressive transmitters have been eliminated. HARRY: Oh, come off it! We're not contaminating anybody! VIRA: He has the authority to initiate condign action. Personally, I consider your destruction is not necessary. HARRY: Well, thanks very much... SARAH: Harry... HARRY: Yes. Do you think you can stand? Gently. Mind - there's a step down. SARAH: I feel so muzzy... What's this? What's happening? HARRY: It's all right... [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Ten thousand years? HARRY: Well, according to the Doctor. SARAH: It's unbelievable, Harry! What's...that? HARRY: Don't know. We found it in the cupboard. SARAH: In the cupboard? HARRY: Yeah. It's a sort of...sort of galactic woodworm, I suppose. SARAH: It is dead, isn't it? HARRY: Oh, yes, been dead for years. It's nothing to worry about. VIRA: Come here! HARRY: What's the trouble? VIRA: What have you done with Dune? HARRY: Dune? VIRA: Where is he? Answer me! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Ah, there you are! Awake at last! NOAH: Move away! DOCTOR: I'm just shutting down the power in the main stack. NOAH: Touch that switch and I'll atomize you! DOCTOR: Noah! NOAH: Earth is ours! DOCTOR: My dear man, if you think for one moment we're laying claim to Earth, you couldn't be more mistaken! We're here to help you. NOAH: By deactivating the main solar stack? DOCTOR: Precisely! There's something trapped in the stack, Noah, but at the rate it's absorbing energy, it won't be trapped for long. The stack must be shut down. Well... if you'd been down there with me you... [SCENE_BREAK] VIRA: The revivification pattern was inbuilt. Dune was allotted Pallet 3. SARAH: Oh... Well, perhaps he recovered early? HARRY: Yes, that's possible. After all, some people need more sleep than others. NOAH (OOV. On the intercom.): Vira? Hear me. Hear me... [SCENE_BREAK] VIRA: Yes, Noah? Where are you? [SCENE_BREAK] NOAH: Main Control. I found the Doctor here about to sabotage the power system. He's been dealt with. [SCENE_BREAK] VIRA (OOV.): Noah, we have a problem. Pallet 3 is empty. [SCENE_BREAK] NOAH: Explain. VIRA (OOV.): Technician Dune is missing. There is no explanation. NOAH: The explanation is that the regressives have taken him. Any other problems? [SCENE_BREAK] VIRA: No, Commander. [SCENE_BREAK] NOAH: Then, proceed with the schedule. I'm about to check the power stacks. [SCENE_BREAK] VIRA: Commander Noah will question you on his return. Complete truth is advisable. HARRY (To SARAH.): Cocky bunch, aren't they? SARAH: What do you think's happened to the Doctor? HARRY: I think we better find out, don't you. SARAH: Yes. HARRY: Come on, then. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Doctor! What's wrong with him? HARRY: Haven't a clue, Sarah! SARAH: You're supposed to be a doct... HARRY: Sh! He's alive anyway. His hearts are beating. SARAH: Oh, Doctor...! HARRY: Incredible. He's absolutely rigid. SARAH: Harry, do something! HARRY: There's no response at all! DOCTOR: ..you wouldn't find it so amusing. SARAH: Oh, Doctor! DOCTOR: Ah, Sarah! You're back. Splendid! Where's Noah? Shot me, did he? Cut off in mid-sentence. I might have been saying something important. I WAS saying something important! SARAH: Look, are you all right? DOCTOR: What...? Blinding headache, that's all. I hate stun guns! Where is he? SARAH: Who? DOCTOR: Noah, of course! Who else? HARRY: We overheard him on the intercom, saying something about checking the solar stacks... DOCTOR: What? The idiot! Quick! There might be still time! HARRY: Are you sure you're all right? DOCTOR: Never mind about me, Harry! There's a man in danger! [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: Strange that they ##### the ship. Why didn't Vira try and stop us? DOCTOR: Not her function, Harry. HARRY: How do you mean? DOCTOR: By the 30th century, human society was highly compartmentalized. Vira is a med-tech. And I suspect we're an executive problem. NOAH: Right, Doctor. But not a difficult one. You can easily be eliminated. DOCTOR: Unlike the thing you saw in the solar stack, eh, Noah? NOAH: I saw a pathetic attempt at sabotage. The observation port is damaged. DOCTOR: It's escaped! We're too late. SARAH: What's escaped? NOAH: Turn about. We will return to the Cryogenic Section. DOCTOR: You're absolutely right. There's no time to lose. Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] LIBRI: Vira. VIRA: Welcome. NOAH: Welcome, Libri. LIBRI: Keep back! Keep back! NOAH (To VIRA.): What's the matter with him? LIBRI: Keep back! NOAH: Is it his mind? VIRA: No, his reactions were normal. LIBRI: Keep away! VIRA: Libri, this is Noah. You remember Commander Noah? LIBRI: I'm sorry... I saw something standing there... DOCTOR: What was it you saw, Libri? NOAH: Silence! You're here to answer questions, not ask them! LIBRI: It was horrible. A shape... I'm sorry... I'm all right now. VIRA: Temporary neuro-ocular confusion. DOCTOR (To HARRY.): The process is much too slow. They're not going to make it. NOAH: No further warnings. HARRY: You'd shoot too, wouldn't you! (Whimpering.) Nice fellow... NOAH: Libri... Keep these three under guard. Kill them if they give any trouble. LIBRI: Yes, sir. VIRA (OOV.): Noah? Where are you going? NOAH: The system must be shut down. VIRA: What? NOAH: The revivification must be stopped. VIRA: Why? I don't understand. NOAH: It is an order. I am the commander. VIRA: But the first phase isn't completed. And we need the technical crew, Noah, to operate the station. NOAH: Yes... No! No...the p-plan is changed... Hear me, hear me, the plan is changed! VIRA: No, what is it? Is it something to do with Dune? NOAH: Dune? VIRA: Technician Dune. I reported him missing. NOAH: But I'm here. I am Dune. VIRA: What? NOAH: The system must be shut down! No more aliens! VIRA: Noah, come back. DOCTOR: He must be stopped. VIRA: Something has happened to his mind. There was a power fault during his revival. DOCTOR (To LIBRI.): Get after him, man! LIBRI: No, no...he gave me an order. DOCTOR: Don't be an imbecile. Tell him, Vira! VIRA: There is no procedure for stopping the revivification programme. It could be damaging, Libri. LIBRI: But he is our commander! DOCTOR (OOV.): Can you be sure? LIBRI: What? DOCTOR: When you first saw him, you had a subconscious impression, you said, of something horrible. That wasn't Noah, was it? LIBRI: No. DOCTOR: Believe me, he must be stopped. DOCTOR: Good! VIRA: It's not advisable for you to try and escape. DOCTOR: You take some convincing that we're on your side, don't you? Now, what's all this about a missing technician? VIRA: Pallet 3. I found it empty. SARAH: Noah thinks that we're to blame. HARRY: Chap's jumped ship, that's all. Happens all the time. SARAH: Oh, come on, a space satellite's a bit different from a ship, Harry! HARRY: No Sarah, I bet there's the equivalent of a dinghy missing. DOCTOR: It's not quite empty. SARAH: What's that? DOCTOR: Membrane. SARAH: Membrane? DOCTOR: Part of the eggshell. SARAH: Where's it from? DOCTOR: It's almost too horrible to think about. DOCTOR: The egg tube is empty. SARAH: That thing? DOCTOR: The progenitor. The queen colonizer. SARAH: I don't understand. DOCTOR: Ever heard of the Eumenes? HARRY: Eumenes? One of our frigates. DOCTOR: It's a genus of wasps that paralyses caterpillars and lays its eggs in their bodies. When the larvae emerge, they have a ready-made food supply. SARAH: Oh...! DOCTOR: Strange how the same life patterns recur throughout the universe. HARRY: Doctor, are you saying that slug thing...? DOCTOR: Ciliated larvae, Harry. Dune was power systems technician, I imagine. VIRA: Yes, but how did you know...? DOCTOR: It - or they - went straight to the solar stack. VIRA: You mean Dune's knowledge...? DOCTOR: Has been thoroughly digested, I'm afraid. SARAH: Don't make jokes like that, Doctor. DOCTOR: When I say I'm afraid, Sarah... I'm not making jokes! [SCENE_BREAK] LIBRI: Commander... NOAH: Give me the gun! LIBRI: I'm sorry, Commander. NOAH: Give me the gun! LIBRI: No, you're not well. NOAH (OOV.): I order you! LIBRI: I can't! LIBRI (OOV.): Please, Commander! Stay back! Please... LIBRI: Don't force me to... NOAH: You fool, Libri!

The Doctor and Harry revive the Ark's medtech, Vira, to help Sarah.But when station commander Noah is revived, he becomes suspicious of the newcomers.

fd_FRIENDS_08x18

fd_FRIENDS_08x18_0

Teleplay by: Mark Kunerth Story by: Peter Tibbals With Help From: Eric Aasen [Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.] Phoebe: Oh, Ross, Mon, is it okay if I bring someone to your parent's anniversary party? Monica: Yeah. Ross: Sure. Yeah. Joey: So, who's the guy? Phoebe: Well, his name is Parker and I met him at the drycleaners. Chandler: Oooh, did he put a little starch in your bloomers? (Sits up) Who said that? Phoebe: Yeah, he's really great though. He has this incredible zest for life, and he treats me like a queen, except at night when he treats me like the naughty girl I am. Monica: (To Ross) Oh, by the way. Would it be okay if I gave the toast to mom and dad this year? Ross: Uh, yeah, you sure you want to after what happened at their 20th? Monica: Yeah, I'd really like to. Ross: Okay, hopefully this time mom won't boo you. Monica: Yes! Every year Ross makes the toast, and it's always really moving, and always makes them cry. Well this year I'm going to make them cry. Chandler: And you wonder why Ross is their favorite? Monica: No! Really! Any time Ross makes a toast everyone cries, and hugs him, and pats him on the back and they all come up to me and say, "God, your brother." Know what they'll say this year? "God, you" Joey: Well I can promise you, at least one person will be crying. (Points to himself) I'm an actor, and any actor worth himself can cry on cue. (snaps fingers) Monica: Really you can do that? Joey: Are you kidding me? Watch! (Makes funny faces trying to cry) Well I can't do it with you guys watching me! Opening Credits [Scene: Chandler and Monica's, they're getting ready to leave for the party.] Chandler: What are you doing? Monica: Oh I'm working on my toast for the party, or as I like to call it. Sob fest 2002. Hey check this out. (Hands him a picture.) Chandler: It's a dog. Monica: It's a dead dog. That's Chi-Chi; she died when I was in high school. Chandler: It's your parents' anniversary and you're going to talk about their dead pet? Monica: The good stuff, huh? (Ross, Joey, and Rachel enter) Rachel: Hi! Ross: Hey! Joey: Hey! Monica: You got a present for my parents. That's so sweet. Joey: Yeah, yeah, in honor of their 35th wedding anniversary, I had a star named after them. Ross: Aww that is so cool. Joey: And I got them a book on Karma Sutra for the elderly. Rachel: Hey, do you guys have any extra ribbon? Chandler: Yeah, sure. What do you need? We got lace, satin, sateen, raffia, gingham, felt, (Pause) and I think my testacles may be in here too. Ross: (picking up Chi-Chi's picture) Aww! Chi-Chi! Oh, I loved this dog! Y'know Monica couldn't get braces because Chi-Chi needed knee surgery. Monica: What?! Ross: You were the 200-pound 11-year-old who rode her! (Phoebe and Parker enter) Phoebe: Hey! All: Hi! Phoebe: Everybody, this is Parker, Parker this is... Parker: No, no, no wait! Don't tell me. Let me guess. (Points as he says their names) Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel and, I'm sorry Phoebe didn't mention you. (Chandler makes a face) Chandler, I'm kidding all ready you're my favorite! Chandler: Ha! Parker: Why don't all of you tell me a little about your self? Ross: Ah, actually, I'm sorry we-we probably should get going. Parker: (laughs) Classic Ross. Rachel, Rachel, oh how you glow. May I? (Puts hand on her stomach) Rachel: I, uh, think you already are. Parker: Rachel, you have life growing inside you. Is there anything in this world more miraculous than-Oh a picture of a dog! Whose is this? Monica: That's my old dog. He passed away years ago. Parker: Oh well, at least you were lucky to have him. Bow-wow old friend, bow-wow. So where's the party? Monica: It's out on the island. It's in Massapequa. Parker: Maaaassapequa, sounds like a magical place. Tell me about Massapequa, is it steep in Native American history? {Transcriber's Note: Interestingly Alec Baldwin was born in Massapequa.} Ross: Well, there is an Arby's in the shape of a tee-pee. Monica: Okay, I got my note cards. (To Chandler) Do you got the presents? Chandler: Yeah. Monica: And I've got the car keys. Parker: We're driving!? Monica: Yeah. Parker: Aces! (Everyone except Ross and Rachel leave.) Ross: So uh, he seems like a nice guy. Rachel: Yeah, yeah I like him a lot. Ross: Ya wanna hang back and take our own cab? Rachel: Yeah, otherwise I'm not going. [Scene: The Anniversary Party, Ross and Rachel are arriving and see his parents.] Mr. and Mrs. Geller: Hi Ross: Hi! (Kisses his mom.) Hey mom. Rachel: This is such a great party! 35 years. Very impressive, do you guys have any pearls of wisdom? Mrs. Geller: Jack? Mr. Geller: Why would you serve food on such a sharp stick? (Looking a toothpick) Ross: That's a good question, dad. That's a good question... Rachel: Hmmm.... Woman: (To Ross and Rachel) Congratulations you two! Rachel: Thank you...we're so excited Woman: And also, congratulations on your wedding. Ross: Wha-What? Mrs. Geller: Can we talk to you for just a y'know... It's just a little thing. Well we think it's absolutely marvelous that you're having this baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open-minded. Which is why we've told them all that you're married. Ross and Rachel: What?! Mrs. Geller: Thanks for going along with this. Ross: Dad so what we have to pretend that we're married? Mr. Geller: Son, I had to shave my ears for tonight. You can do this. Ross: Can you believe that? Rachel: Yeah, if you're going to do the ears, you might as well take a pass at the nosal area. Ross: No, us having to lie about being married. Rachel: No, I know I don't either, but ya know what, it's their party, and it's just one night. And we don't even have to lie; we just won't say anything. If it comes up again, we'll just...smile. We'll nod along. Woman: Ross! Man: Rachel! Ross: Hi Aunt Lisa, Uncle Dan Aunt Lisa: Congratulations on the baby, and on the wedding Ross and Rachel: Hmmmm.... Uncle Dan: Here's a little something to get you started. (Hands them a check) Rachel: Oh... Aunt Lisa: So, how's married life treating you? Rachel: (looking at the check) Unbelievable! Ross: We love marriage! Aunt Lisa: Great! (The rest of the gang arrives including Parker.) Ross: Hey Phoebe: Hey! Parker: What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C...I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none of them will compare with tonight! My God, I don't want to forget this moment! It's like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental picture of them all.) Chandler: I don't think the flash went off. Parker: Dahaaa! (Punches Chandler in the arm and he makes a face of pain.) I'm going to find the men's room, be right back. Phoebe: I'll go with you Parker: Come on! Chandler: Somewhere there is someone with a tranquilizer gun and a huge butterfly net looking for that man. Joey: I have to go to the bathroom too, but I don't want him complimenting my thing. Ross: I'm so we weren't in the car! Did he ever let up? Monica: He called the Long Island Expressway a concrete miracle. Ross: (imitating Parker) This room! This night! That waiter! His shoes! I must take a mental picture! (He backs into someone.) Ooh sorry...(He looks behind him then notices its Phoebe then stops his impression.) Phoebe: Were you guys making fun of Parker? Ross: That depends, how much did you hear? Phoebe: So, he a little enthusiastic, what's wrong with that? Monica: It's just that, it's so much. Phoebe: Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people you've dated? Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends don't do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do you want it? 'Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the who's who of human crap. (Walks off) Monica: I feel terrible. Joey: I know Ross: What was wrong with Mona? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Anniversary Party, Ross and Rachel have just gotten another wedding present.] Rachel: Open it! Open it! Open it! Ross: Yeah baby! Man: So we never got to hear about your wedding! Woman: We were surprise that we weren't invited. Ross: No, no, it was just our parents and 1 or 2 friends. It was a small wedding. Rachel: But it was beautiful. I mean it was small, but kind of spectacular. Man: Where did you have it? Rachel: On a cliff, in Barbados, at sunset, and Stevie Wonder sang Isn't She Lovely as I walked down the aisle. Woman: Really? Rachel: Yeah, Stevie's an old family friend. (Hits Ross's chest) Woman: Oh my God. That sounds amazing. I would love to see pictures. Rachel: So would I. You wouldn't think that Annie Liebawitz would forget to put film in the camera. Ross: Would you excuse us for a second? (Pulls Rachel off to the side) Umm.... what are you doing? Rachel: What? I'm not you. This may be the only wedding I ever have. I want it to be amazing. Ross: Okay, okay. Ooooh, ooh maybe I rode in on a Harley. Rachel: Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic. (Cut to Phoebe and Parker) Parker: Are you okay? You seem kind of quiet. Phoebe: No, I'm fine. I'm great. I'm with you. Parker: And I'm with you! What a great time to be alive! Look at this plate-bouncy thing. (Bounces the plates) What an inspired solution to man's plate dispensing problems. Phoebe: Hm huh, yeah. Parker: Ah! Oysters! Let me feed you one. Phoebe: No, that's not necessary. Parker: Please. Phoebe: No, actually I don't eat... Parker: I won't quit until you try. Phoebe: Okay, fine! Fine! (Takes the oyster and pretends to eat it while dropping it on the floor) Mmm...hmmmmm.... Parker: What are they like? I've never had one. Phoebe: Why don't you just try one? Parker: No, they look too weird. (Cut to Monica and Chandler) Chandler: What are you doin'? Monica: Just going over my toast. Those two will never know what hit 'em. I can't wait. They're going to be crying so hard. They're going to be fighting for breath. Chandler: Ya know if you want to, I can just hold them down and you could (Punches the air). (Cut to Rachel and Ross) Rachel: And my veil was lace, made by blind, Belgium nuns. Woman: Blind? Rachel: Well, not at first, but it was very intricate work and they said even though they lost their sight, it was all worth it. Aunt Lisa: I'll bet you looked beautiful... Rachel: Well, I don't know about that, but some said that I looked like a floating angel. Woman: (To Ross) So, how did you propose? Rachel: Oh yeah. That's a great story. Ross: Well, um, actually, I-I took her to the planetarium. That's-that's where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room filled with lilies, her favorite flower... Aunt Lisa: Oh that is so sweet! Rachel: Shhh! I want to hear the rest! Ross: Then, Fred Astaire singing The Way You Look Tonight came on the sound system, and the lights came down. And I got down on one knee and written across the dome in the stars were the words "Will you marry me?" (Various oohs and ahhs) Rachel: And the ring, was the size of my fist (makes a fist)! (Cut to Phoebe and Joey) Joey: Yeah uh, Phoebe! Look umm, I want to apologize about before, okay? We were being jerks. Parker's a nice guy and I'd like to get to know him. Phoebe: Then you better do it now. Joey: Why? Phoebe: Because I'm going to kill him Joey: What-what? Phoebe: You guys were right. He's just too excited about...everything. I mean I'm all for living life, but this is the Geller's 35th anniversary. Okay? Let's call a spade a spade this party stinks. Joey: I know I'm having the worst time. There was a 15-minute line for the buffet, and when I finally got up to the plates, I slipped on a giant booger! Phoebe: Are you sure it wasn't an oyster? Joey: I guess it could've been, I didn't really look at it. Y'know, I just wiped it on Chandler's coat and got the hell out of there. Phoebe: He's just such a great guy I'm so excited about him. Joey: Oh hey, you should be excited about him. There's nothing wrong with him he's a good guy. Phoebe: You think? Joey: Yeah. Ya know what I think; I think we were all just being too negative. Phoebe: You're right. You're right, he's just embracing life. We could all stand to be a little more like Parker. You know what? I am like him! I'm a sunny, positive person. Joey: Actually, you have a little bit of an edge. Phoebe: What's that now? Joey: Nothing... Phoebe: Oh look it's Parker! Parker: Look! It's the bunny hop! Phoebe: Oooh I love it! Parker: You do?! Phoebe: Are you kidding? People acting like animals to music. Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Monica, at the microphone) Monica: Okay it's time for the toast! Umm now-now, I know that Ross usually gives the toast, but this year I'm going to do it. (Everyone sighs) Monica: No, no it's going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I probably don't say it enough, but I love you. (Pretends to cry hoping her parents will join her.) When I look around this room, I'm-I'm saddened by the thought of those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be here, but she can't because she's dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how cute she is. (Holds up the picture and pretends to cry again). Was. (To an old man by the stage.) Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember she's dead. Okay, her and Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her children in Terms of Endearment? (Chandler covers his ears) Didn't see that? No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching 60 Minutes these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. (Waits for people to cry, but doesn't get any tears.) You people are made of stone! Here's to mom and dad! Whatever! Mrs. Geller: Thank you Monica that was uh, interesting. Wasn't it interesting, Jack? Mr. Geller: (looking at the picture) Why don't I remember this dog? Mrs. Geller: Ross, why don't you give us your toast now? Ross: Oh, no, Mom, it's just Monica this year. Mrs. Geller: You're not going to say anything? On our 35th wedding anniversary Ross: No, of course, Um... Um, everybody? Um, I-I just wanted to say...on behalf of my new bride, Rachel (She turns around and smiles), and myself. Umm, that if...if in 35 years, we're half as happy as you guys are, we'll count ourselves the luckiest people in the world. Mrs. Geller: (crying) Oh Ross... Mr. Geller: I just wish Nana were alive to hear Ross's toast. [Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Parker and her are entering.] Parker: My God what a fantastically well lit hallway! Phoebe: Can I get you something to drink? Like a water and Valium? Parker: I must say this apartment, its, its, There are no words... Phoebe: Oh thank God. Parker: It's a haven. A third-floor paradise. A modern-day Eden in the midst... Phoebe: Yeah? I know! I know! Uh huh? Listen why don't we just um, sit and relax? You know just be with each other. Quietly! Parker: That sounds great. (Sits down) My God this is the most comfortable couch I've ever sat on in my entire life. (Bounces on couch) Phoebe: Let's try something else, let's play a game. Parker: I love games! Phoebe: Shocking! Let's play the game of who can stay quiet the longest. (Giggles) Parker: Or...Jenga. Phoebe: But, let's play this one first. And remember whoever talks first loses! (They sit back) Parker: I lose, now Jenga. Phoebe: Oh my God! Oh my God! Parker: Is something wrong? Phoebe: Wrong? Really? You know the word wrong. Everything isn't perfect? Everything isn't magical? Everything isn't a glow with the light of a million fairies? They were just brake lights, Parker! Parker: Well, excuse me for putting a good spin on a traffic jam! Phoebe: You don't have to put a good spin on everything. Parker: I'm sorry that's who I am. I'm a positive person. Phoebe: No! I am a positive person. You are like Santa Clause on Prozac, at Disneyland, getting laid! Parker: So what do you want me to do, you want me to be more negative, less happy? Phoebe: Much less happy! Parker: Fine! Well then to quote Ross, "I'd better be going." Phoebe: So long! Don't let the best door in the world hit you in the ass on your way out! (He exits and she slams the door behind him.) (There's a knock on door, and Phoebe opens it.) Parker: Isn't this the most incredible fight you've ever had in your entire life? Phoebe: Uh huh. (Closes door) [Scene: Ross and Rachel's, they're returning from the party.] Ross: ...and then, we could've gone from the ceremony to the reception with you in the sidecar! Rachel: Ross, it just wouldn't have been feasible. Ross: But having a dove place the ring on your finger would've been no problem? Rachel: It was really fun being married to you tonight. Ross: Yeah! And! And, it was the easiest 400 bucks I've ever made. Rachel: Okay Ross, can I uh, can I ask you something? Ross: Yeah. Rachel: That proposal, at the planetarium... Ross: I know, I know it was stupid. Rachel: Are you kidding?! With the, with the lilies, and-and the song, and the stars! It was...really wonderful! Did you just make that up? Ross: No, actually I thought about it when, when we were going out. It's how I imagined I uh, I would ask you to marry me. Rachel: Well, that would've been very hard to say no too. Ross: It's a good thing I didn't do it, because it sounds like it would've been a very expensive wedding. (Rachel laughs) Okay, good night Rachel: Goodnight (They go off to their bedrooms) Ross: Even if the sidecar had a windscreen so your hair wouldn't get messed up? Rachel: I will think about it. Ross: That's all I'm askin' Ending Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are there.] Monica: Okay that's it. I give up. At mom and dad's 40th anniversary, you're the one giving the speech. Ross: Y'know I don't understand why they didn't cry. It was a beautiful speech. Monica: Oh, come on. Ross: Hey! All that stuff you said about true love, you were right, I mean, we did learn a lot from Mom and Dad! And that picture of Chi-Chi with her mischievous grin. And what you said about Nana. Ohh, yeah she really would've wanted to be there. And you know what? I think she was. Monica: (starts to cry) Oh good God, Ross! How the hell do you do it?

Monica botches an attempt at giving a heartfelt speech for her parents' 35th anniversary party. Phoebe dates Parker ( Alec Baldwin ), who is overly-enthusiastic about everything which ultimately annoys the entire group, including herself. Ross and Rachel have to pretend they are married while at the Geller's anniversary party; Ross' "wedding toast" stirs feelings in Rachel.

fd_Charmed_05x06

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[Scene: A fortune telling shop. Madame Theresa is there. Phoebe walks in.] Phoebe: Are you closing? Madame Theresa: Not anymore. Please, come in. I am Madame Teresa. Phoebe: I'm Phoebe. Madame Theresa: Yes, I know. Phoebe: Really? Did you read my mind? Madame Theresa: No, I read your column. Phoebe: Oh. (She laughs.) Madame Theresa: You are not sure if you are a believer, are you? Phoebe: Oh, no, I'm a believer. Believe me. That's why I'm here. I didn't know where else to turn. Madame Theresa: Sit. Let's see what your hands tell us. (They sit at a small round table.) Phoebe: Oh, they're probably gonna tell you that I need a manicure. (Phoebe holds out her hand and Madame Teresa looks at her palm. Madame Theresa's eyes widen.) Madame Theresa: You have the gift of foresight. Phoebe: What? Madame Theresa: But don't worry. Your secrets are safe here. (She gets a pen and starts drawing on Phoebe's palm.) You are creative, sensitive, straight smart, you have a strong family, close ties. I am wondering why you do not turn to them now. Phoebe: I don't want to worry them. You see I'm having trouble with my gift and that's why I'm here, I want to try figure out what's wrong. Madame Theresa: These lines on your index finger they are saying that you're over worked. Phoebe: Yeah, well, besides my column and my personal appearances, my boss has me giving advice on a radio show. And I-I love it, I do, it's just... Madame Theresa: Keeping that pace has blocked out other parts of yourself. Including your gift. Your gift must be honoured. But so must your work. Phoebe: So how do I find the balance? Madame Theresa: Let's start by unblocking that energy. Breathe with me. (They join hands and close their eyes. Madame Teresa starts shaking. The shaking stops and she opens her eyes. Phoebe lets go of her hands.) Phoebe: I know that reaction. You just had a premonition didn't you? Madame Theresa: But I don't have premonitions. Phoebe: Yeah, uh, but I do. Maybe you intercepted it for me? (Madame Theresa stands up.) Madame Theresa: The reading is over. You must go. Phoebe: No, but, uh... (Phoebe stands up.) Madame Teresa: I'm sorry. (She hurries Phoebe outside and shuts the door in her face. She closes the blind.) [Time lapse. Madame Teresa is packing her clothes in a suitcase. She's on the phone at the same time.] Woman: (on phone) Theresa, Theresa, wait, I'm losing you, say that again? Madame Theresa: Oren, the gypsy hunter, he's coming for me. Woman: (on phone) Theresa, that's impossible, we blinded him decades ago. Only gypsy magic can lift his curse. Madame Theresa: I'm telling you, it had to be him, Lydia. The girl I was dukkering for, she has the powerful gift foreseeing. And somehow I received her vision. Lydia: Alright, where are you? I'll come. Madame Theresa: No, you must leave town. If he's hunting Shuvanis he could be after you next. (The gypsy hunter appears behind Madame Theresa.) Gypsy Hunter: Expecting me, were you? (Madame Theresa spins around.) Lydia: Theresa? Theresa? (Madame Theresa drops the phone.) Theresa! Madame Theresa: Oren? Gypsy Hunter: You've heard of my father. He'll be very pleased. Madame Theresa: What do you want? Gypsy Hunter: He's revenge and of course... (He holds out his hands and two red beams of light flow out of them and into Madame Teresa's eyes. She screams.) Your eyes. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Leo is there reading the back of a "The Joys of Home Birthing" videotape. Piper and Paige walk in. Piper is holding a yoga mat.] Paige: Well, maybe try a different yoga instructor. (Paige heads for the fridge.) Piper: It wasn't the instructor, it was all those women showing off their sonogram pictures. And it was just working on my last nerve. Like "look it's Jasper's first photo and it's gonna go on the fridge in a magnetic frame that says Jasper's first photo"! Leo: Okay, I thought pre-natal yoga was supposed to make you relax. Piper: Ugh, how am I supposed to relax when I can't even go to a doctor like a normal person? Leo: Honey, I thought we agreed that a magical pregnancy was too risky, especially with a baby that heals itself. Piper: Okay, yeah, but she's not healing my nauseousness and every other woman in that class says that it's supposed to go away after the first trimester. Leo: Okay, well, not according to this book. According to this book, every pregnancy is different. Piper: What book? Leo: Uh, this one. (He shows her.) "The Joys of Home Birthing". (Piper's eyes widen.) It also comes with this video. I thought maybe we could watch it together, it might make you feel better about what's in store. Paige: That sounds good, I'll make some popcorn. Leo: Uh, since when are pre-natal yoga and home birthing videos your idea of a good time? Paige: Since I became a friendless loser with no life. Piper: Paige, you have tons of friends. Paige: They're all employed. And I'm a demon fighter and I can't tell anyone about it so I basically just come off as this big, dumb, fat, unemployed loser. Piper: No, Paige, you're a big, fat, unemployed loser who saves the world. (Phoebe walks in and heads for the coffee.) Phoebe: Oh, I hope that's leaded. I didn't sleep very well last night. (She pours some coffee.) Piper: Cole problems? Phoebe: What? No, he's soul searching somewhere, or off searching for a soul. I'm just a little overwhelmed with work. Piper: What's up with your hand? (Piper sees the pen markings on Phoebe's hand.) Phoebe: Uh... I actually went to see a gypsy, fortune teller. (Her phone rings.) Oh, look. Ha, work. Gotta go. (Phoebe heads for the door. Everyone follows.) Paige: Hey, hey there, speedy. Will you slow down and tell us why you went to see a fortune teller? Phoebe: To get my fortune told. (Piper gives her a look.) Okay, just don't freak out, alright, because I don't have time for a freak out. I went to find out why I haven't gotten a premonition in the last few months. Piper: You've had premonitions... haven't you? Phoebe: No, I haven't. And check this out. Hold this. (She hands Leo her cup of coffee. She tries to levitate but only makes it a couple of inches above the floor.) I can't barely levitate. Paige: Do you think a demon... Phoebe: No, I mean, I can still cast spells and I still has the power of three thing. Whatever the problem is it seems more natural than supernatural. Leo: Phoebe, why don't you come to me? I'm your Whitelighter. Phoebe: Oh, because you've been very busy. Leo: I've been busy? Phoebe: Okay, well, I've been busy. My work schedule's been really hectic and I'm coming to you guys now. Leo: Okay, you guys yell at her, I'm gonna check with the Elders and see what they know. (Leo orbs out.) Piper: I can't believe you went to a fortune teller instead of coming to us. Phoebe: I'm really sorry, but I just didn't want to worry you guys. But now we're on the subject... Piper: What? Phoebe: Something really weird happened during my reading. I felt like I was getting a premonition and then I think Madame Teresa intercepted it. Piper: Intercepted it? How? Paige: She's a gypsy, she probably channelled it. You know, being that I have nothing to do, I've actually been reading up on a lot of gypsy magic lately. Phoebe: Whatever she saw must've been pretty bad because she closed up shop very quickly. Piper: Well, maybe you should swing by and check up on her. Phoebe: Yeah, I was going to but... (Phoebe's phone rings.) Oh, that's work, I really have to go. Paige: I'll go for you. You know, I have no life and all. Phoebe: Really? Oh, that would be great. Let me just find the, uh... (She rummages through her purse and pulls out a card.) Here's her card. (She hands it to Paige.) Thank you so much. Find out what she saw. (Phoebe leaves.) [Scene: Oren's place. Oren and the gypsy hunter are there. Orion is wearing black goggles. The gypsy hunter places are pair of human eyes on a tray.] Gypsy Hunter: I have a good feeling about these eyes, father. Oren: I was glad to see the Shuvani didn't put up much of a fight. Gypsy Hunter: You saw that far? Your mind's eye grows stronger. Oren: I've had a long time to develop it. (A rat runs across a table and Oren vanquishes it.) But it's no replacement for what those gypsies stole from me. Gypsy Hunter: If these eyes work, you'll have your revenge and much more. (The gypsy hunter takes the tray to Oren. Oren takes the pair of eyes and places them into his eye sockets. They burn his eye sockets and he groans in pain.) Maybe we should stop trying. Orion: No! The eyes I seek are worth this pain. Our Shuvani friend is near. I can see her. [Scene: Madame Theresa's shop. Many police are there. Paige is outside. She dials a number on her phone.] Phoebe: Phoebe Halliwell. Paige: Hey, Phoebe, it's me. I'm at the fortune tellers. Phoebe: Oh, really, what'd you find out? Paige: Nothing good unfortunately, sweetie, she's dead. Phoebe: What? Paige: Yeah, she was murdered last night and from what I can gather it seems demonic. She had her eyes gouged out. Phoebe: I should've been able to prevent this. Paige: How do you figure? [Cut to the Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office.] Phoebe: Well, if my stupid powers had been working, Paige. (Elise interrupts.) Elise: They loved you over at Hotline. They want you to guest host for the rest of the week. Paige: This is not your fault, Phoebe. Okay, if you were meant to stop Theresa's murder you would've had a premonition about this. Phoebe: I know, I know. (to Elise) I can't. Elise: Sorry, but I already booked you. Paige: Can't what? Phoebe: (to Elise) I'm swamped. Paige: Swamped? But Phoebe, we have to find this demon and stop him. Elise: Twice is success, kiddo. (Elise leaves.) Paige: Phoebe, hello? Phoebe: Uh, I'll meet you at home and we'll get right on it, okay. (She hangs up. She leaves her office.) Elise? Elise, wait. Is it possible that we can postpone the radio show because I barely have time to write my column let alone all the other stuff that I have to do. Elise: "Dear Phoebe, my career is on the fast track, I'm wildly popular and the money is pretty damn good. What should I do?" Phoebe: Stop whining? Elise: Damn, you are good. [Scene: Hospital. A ward room. A woman doctor is standing beside a man lying in a bed.] Doctor: It's a very standard surgery, we do it all the time, you're gonna be just fine, I promise. (Lydia walks in the room. She speaks in Romanian to the Doctor.) Excuse me. (She takes Lydia across the room.) Aunt Lydia, what are you doing here? (Lydia speaks in Romanian.) No, in English, I don't speak the language anymore. Lydia: I am in danger, Eva. I'm afraid you are too. Oren is back and he is seeking revenge on Shuvanis. Eva: Oren? Lydia: The gypsy hunter, you've heard the stories. Eva: Ugh, Aunt Lydia, we've had this conversation. I'm interested in the stories. Lydia: Eva, Madame Theresa was murdered. Eva: What? Lydia: I was talking to her on the phone when it happened. She had a vision of Oren coming for her. Which means he'll be seeking revenge on all Shuvanis including you. Eva: I'm not a Shuvani, I am a doctor. Lydia: Eva, you can not change what you are born to be. And Oren won't care that you've rejected your heritage, he'll sense you anyway. Eva: Aunt Lydia, I'm sorry about Theresa. I know she meant a lot to you and mum. I'll come to the funeral, I'll pay my respects but I'm not gonna run from a fictional demon. I've gotta get back to work. (She starts to walk away.) Lydia: Eva, we have to trust the gypsy magic. Eva: Why? Because it did such a great job saving mum? Lydia: Your mother couldn't be helped, Shavi. By the time she was sick it was too late. Eva: You don't know that. If she had gotten chemo instead of relying on herbs and spells. Lydia: Your mother believed in herbs and spells and so should you. Eva: Yeah? Well, if gypsy magic really worked then I'd be able to see her, right? In the afterlife, talk to her. Like she promised me. Lydia: Eva... Eva: I'm sorry, I don't have time for this. Your friend was murdered, turn to the police, not superstition. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper and Leo are sitting on the couch watching the birthing video.] Piper: Okay, see, I need an epidural just to watch this. Leo: Okay, let's fast forward to the part where the parents get to meet the baby. (He fast forwards the tape with the remote control.) Guy on TV: At this point, the birthing partner will coach the mother's breathing. (The woman giving birth screams in agony. Piper snatches the remote off of Leo.) Piper: Okay, give that to me. (She mutes the TV.) Look, just tell me when the baby is out and all wiped off. But seriously though, I need a sterile hospital, magically baby or not, and medical people. Lots of professional medical people. (Paige walks in.) Paige: Oh, gross, what are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie? Piper: No, it's "The Joys Of Home Birthing". Strangely I'm not feeling the joy. Paige: Well, I'm sorry to cut your entertainment short we are on demon duty now. Turns out Madame Theresa was murdered. Piper: The fortune teller? Paige: Yeah, I checked with Darryl, it's the third in a string of gypsy killings, all of them have had their eyes gouged out. Piper: Ugh. Leo: Now that video doesn't seem so gruesome. Piper: Ha! Speak for yourself. (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Okay, let's go, people, I've gotta fit this vanquish in between two deadlines and three meetings. Leo, what did you find out about my powers? What's wrong with them? Leo: Well, technically nothing, which means the disconnect is tied to your emotions. Paige: I think it's a case of use them or lose them. Hey, you know, if he's after gypsies, we should stop by Theresa's funeral. I know where it is, maybe you can get some sort of premonition that will help us find the demon. Piper: Wow, pre-natal yoga this morning and now you want to crash a stranger's funeral? You really do need friends. Paige: You're mean. [Scene: Theresa's funeral. Lydia is saying the eulogy in Romanian. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are standing near by.] Paige: Well, I don't know what she's saying but the symbolism's beautiful. Phoebe: It is, it's really beautiful. (Food and other items have been placed around Theresa's coffin. Someone adds to the pile.) Uh, don't you guys think Theresa looks a little crowded? Paige: I think that's the gypsy custom to send their people off in the next life with things they might need. Piper: Okay, well, I need a cracker in this lifetime. Would it be bad if I grabbed that box of saltines? Phoebe: Probably. Lydia: May I join the choir invisible of those immortal dead. Who live again in minds made better by their presence. (Phoebe's phone rings.) Paige: Phoebe, enough with the work. (Phoebe stops the phone from ringing. The eulogy ends. A violinist starts playing.) Piper: Well, go on, you're not gonna get a premonition standing here. Put a little shoulder into it. Phoebe: Okay. (Piper gives her a nudge and Phoebe walks through the crowd.) Hi, uh, excuse me, uh, pardon me, hi. [Cut to Lydia talking to Eva.] Lydia: Are you staying for the Pomona? I made stew. Eva: Aren't you worried about the gypsy hunter? Lydia: He won't attack at a crowd, which means you'll be safer here too. Eva: Please stop. I have no interest in staying, Aunt Lydia. This isn't my life. Please accept that. I have to get back to work. (Eva walks away.) Lydia: Eva. Eva, wait. (Lydia starts to follow Eva. Phoebe bumps into Lydia and has a premonition of the gypsy hunter stealing Lydia's eyes.) I'm sorry, are you okay? Phoebe: Yeah, I'm fine. (Lydia nods and walks away. Piper and Paige walk up to Phoebe.) Piper: Did you get anything? Phoebe: Uh, kinda, just bits and pieces. Paige: Well, it's better than nothing. What'd you see? Phoebe: I saw candles and lanterns and Theresa in her coffin. Piper: Okay, well, you don't need a premonition for that. Anything else? Phoebe: That woman, her eyes. Piper: Right. (They follow Lydia.) [Cut to Lydia running through rows of wood stacked into piles.] Lydia: Eva? Eva! Voice: Nice funeral. (The voice echoes.) Very touching. (The voice echoes.) Will there be any Shuvanis left to throw you yours? (The gypsy hunter appears behind her. She spins around.) Lydia: Waffediyok! (Her eyes turn green and green light shoots out of them hitting the ground. A dust storm forms around the gypsy hunter and he groans and covers his face. He shoots a red beam of light at Lydia and knocks her to the ground. The dust storm settles.) Gypsy Hunter: You're the one. (Two red beams of light shoot out of both his hands and into Lydia's eyes. Piper, Phoebe and Paige run around the corner.) Piper: Hey! (Piper tries to blow him up but instead sends him flying onto a pile of wood.) He was supposed to blow up. Why did he not blow up? (They hear Lydia groaning and they run over to her. The gypsy hunter stands on top of the wood pile looking down at them.) Paige: Uh, not good, we've gotta get outta here. (The gypsy hunter shoots the red beams of light at them and Paige orbs them out just in time.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Lydia are there. Lydia is lying on the couch while Leo heals her eyes.] Lydia: Thank you. I have to go. (Lydia gets up.) Paige: Wait, you don't have to be afraid. Lydia: I'm not afraid of you. We come from sister traditions, witches and gypsies. I appreciate everything you have done but I have to go. Piper: But there's a demon after you. Lydia: I'm not the only one he's after. (She heads for the door.) Paige: Wait, clearly you have powers but we face demons all the time. Will you please at least tell us what you know? Phoebe: Maybe we're supposed to help. (Lydia stops.) Lydia: Perhaps. Years ago a my tribe threw a curse on a gypsy hunter named Oren. Blinding him so he no longer had the power to spot our people. Phoebe: The demon we saw wasn't blind. Lydia: That was Oren's son, Cree. I think he's killing Shuvanis in the name of his father. Piper: Shuvanis? Paige: Yeah, that's their form of a high priestess. (Phoebe's phone rings. She ignores it.) Lydia: My niece, Eva, she's a Shuvani too only she's rejected her magic which is leading her defenceless. Leo: Well, can't you curse Cree like you did his father? Lydia: There aren't enough Shuvanis left to pool our power and because Eva chooses not to believe anymore, she won't listen to me. Paige: Maybe we can help? (The phone rings.) Phoebe: Okay, I'll take care of that. (She goes into the living room.) Paige: Sometimes it's easier to hear the truth from a stranger than it is to hear from family. Lydia: Her name is Eva Niccolli. She's a doctor at San Francisco Memorial. Piper: OB/GYN by any chance? Lydia: No, she's a surgeon. Piper: Ugh, close enough. I'll go. Paige: Why you? Piper: Because I am done with this nauseousness and I can fight off Cree if he attacks, so either you're orbing or I'm driving. (Piper grabs her coat. Leo orbs out with her. Phoebe walks back in on the phone.) Phoebe: I'm sorry Elise, I just can't make it. Is it possible that we can move it? Paige: Hey, we still have a book to check and a vanquishing potion to make. Phoebe: Alright, alright, I'll be there, I promise. (She hangs up.) Lydia: I'm sorry, this is interrupting your lives. Paige: No, no, no. This is our lives. My sister just needed a little reminder. [Scene: Oren's place. Oren is there. Cree walks up behind him.] Oren: Are you injured? Cree: No. Did you see everything? Oren: I saw enough. Cree: If only I would've been prepared for her I wouldn't have... Oren: The search is over! She has the power, that's what matters. Next time you'll be more prepared, the way I taught you. Cree: But how will I get to her? She's protected by witches now. Oren: They can't protect her heart. I can see it yearns for a way with child. Her niece, find her. Shuvani will follow. [Scene: Hospital. Maternity ward. Piper is watching a nurse hand new parents their newborn baby. Leo walks around the corner and puts his arm around Piper.] Piper: They even teach them to swaddle. Leo: Come on, we have to find Eva. (They turn to leave and Piper holds her stomach.) Piper: Ooh, I need to find some help. Leo, I do not feel well. (She sits down.) And I don't think this is normal. I need a doctor, a real doctor. Leo: Well, what happens when they check the security camera to find out why the sonogram machine blew up like it did with Phoebe's baby. Piper: Phoebe's baby was a demon, ours is an angel for crying out loud. Voice: I'll get those right away for you, Dr. Niccolli. Eva: Thanks, Bill. (Eva walks around the corner and past Piper and Leo.) Piper: Eva? (Eva looks at them. Piper stands up.) Wait. Eva: Do I know you? Piper: Uh, no, you don't, but we kind of know you. We're friends of your Aunt Lydia. Eva: Is something wrong? Piper: Yeah, there kinda is. See, there's this gypsy hunter... Eva: Oh, please. I-I don't mean to be rude, you guys look like normal people. My Aunt Lydia, she's just very superstitious and she shouldn't be sending you here to... Leo: She's afraid for you. People are dying. Eva: Look around you, that's why I'm here. I save lives using medicine, not magic. Piper: But magic is apart of who you are. Eva: No, relying on magic is what killed my mum. Piper: Oh, uh, Eva, I know what it's like to lose your mum, believe me, I do. But still, you can't deny who you are. (A voice comes over the intercom.) Voice: Dr. Niccolli, Dr. Niccolli to the emergency room, stat. Eva: I've gotta go. (She walks off.) Piper: Wh- Great, now what do we do? Leo: We try again. (Piper covers her mouth and holds her stomach.) Are you okay? Piper: No, I am not. Doctor, any doctor, now. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe, Paige and Lydia are there making a potion.] Lydia: Alright, add ice to thicken, I'd say we're done. Paige: I wouldn't have thought to add turmeric to anything but Indian food. Lydia: It's nice to finally have someone to share my magic with. Phoebe: Eva will come around. Sometimes it takes longer for people to embrace their magic, right Paige? (Paige pulls a face.) Lydia: I hope you're right. She's the last of our line. If she doesn't carry on the tradition, it dies with me. Paige: Yeah, well, that's not gonna happen. (Phoebe bows her head, looking sad.) Lydia: Oh, being so hard on yourself won't bring your powers back, you know. Phoebe: Okay, what can't you see? Lydia: Maybe I can help. (She walks over to the sink and puts some tea in a cup.) Phoebe: I think my stress level is beyond chamomile tea at this point. Lydia: You're not gonna drink it. (She fills the cup with water.) You're gonna swirl it. Come. (Phoebe and Paige stand beside her and Phoebe takes the cup.) Paige: Wait, you read tea leaves? That is so amazing. (Phoebe swirls the water in the cup.) Lydia: Now pour it out. (Phoebe tips the water into the sink. Lydia takes the cup and looks in it.) I see an axe, a thorn, broken spiral. You are way out of balance, just like your powers. Phoebe: That's pretty much what Madame Theresa said. Lydia: That's what happens when your brain overrides your heart. If you want to regain your balance, to reconnect, you'll have to find out why. Paige: It's so crazy, I never would've seen those shapes in there. Lydia: It just takes practice. Here, read mine. Paige: Okay. (She fills the cup with water, swirls it, tips it out and hands it to Paige.) Lydia: What do you see? Paige: I see an X... And that looks kind of like a lightning bolt. (Lydia takes the cup off Paige and looks in it.) Lydia: Eva. (She walks over to the table.) I can't put you in anymore danger. (She throws something in the potion and it explodes. Smoke fills the room and Lydia leaves through the back door. Phoebe looks in the cup.) Paige: Lydia. Well, that's an interesting disappearing act, I'll have to ask her how she does that. What are you doing? Phoebe: I'm trying to see what Lydia saw. Paige: Uh, yeah, you can't read tea leaves. Phoebe: No, but I get premonitions, at least I'm supposed to. Okay, come on, please let me see something. (She receives a premonition.) I saw Cree. He's after Eva. Paige: Where? When? Phoebe: I don't know, it's still all in pieces but, uh, I saw cars and a parking lot. Maybe, maybe it's the hospital? Paige: The hospital? Why can't Piper and Leo stop him? [Cut to the hospital. A room. Piper and Leo are there. A male doctor is drawing blood from Piper's arm.] Doctor: I wouldn't worry too much, some women a nauseous through their whole pregnancy. It's perfectly normal. Piper: Yeah, I just... First time mum, wanted to make sure. Leo: Um, I'm getting paged. (The doctor gives him a look.) It's, uh, it's on vibrate. (He pats his pocket.) Doctor: Don't you want to see who it is? Leo: Well, it's her sisters, they're the only ones with the number, so... Honey, I think we should hurry up. Piper: Mm-hm. Doctor: Almost done. (He pulls the needle out and turns to get a band-aid. Piper magically heals and the doctor turns back.) Oh. Leo: Fast healer. Thanks. (He grabs Piper's hand.) Piper: Yeah. (They rush out of the room.) [Cut to outside. Car park. Phoebe and Paige are waiting there. Piper and Leo orb in.] Paige: Where's Eva? Leo: She's in surgery. What are you guys doing here? Paige: We're trying to find Lydia, she ran out on us. Phoebe: She's after Cree. (They hear a scream and run in the direction of it.) [Cut to Lydia and Cree. Lydia gets up off the floor.] Cree: Surprised to see me again? Lydia: Hardly. (Lydia's eyes turn green and they shoot green beams of light at Cree. It doesn't harm him.) Cree: This time I was ready for you. (Lydia pulls out the vial of potion but before she can throw it, red beams of light shoots out of Cree's eyes an into Lydia's. She screams and drops the potion. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo arrive.) Phoebe: Lydia! (Cree turns to them. Lydia drops to the ground. Phoebe throws the potion at Cree and vanquishes him. They run over to Lydia. Leo tries to her her but can't. He looks at the girls.) [Cut to an emergency room. Eva and some nurses are there trying to revive a patient with a fibrillator.] Nurse: No response. Eva: Clear. Nurse: Clear! (Eva uses the paddles on the patient.) Eva: Give me two hundred jules. Nurse: Two hundred charged. Eva: Clear. (Eva is about to put the paddles on the patient but jumps when she sees Lydia lying there instead.) Lydia: Eva. Nurse: Pressure's dropping. Lydia: Waffediyok, Eva. Eva: Aunt Lydia? Lydia: (She says something in Romanian.) Waffediyok. (Eva moves back in shock.) Nurse: Dr. Niccolli? Are you alright? (The patient is back on the table and Lydia is gone.) Nurse #2: No ventricular rhythm. She's flat. Call the code. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hospital. Corridor. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are waiting there. Eva is standing near reception. A covered body is wheeled down the corridor. Eva looks at Piper, who looks back sympathetic.] Eva: No. (She rushes to the body.) Aunt Lydia? (She starts to cry.) Oh my god. (They wheel the body off.) Oh my god. (Piper rushes over to Eva.) Piper: Come on, sit down. (They all walk around the corner and Eva sits down on a chair. Piper hands her a tissue.) Eva: I saw... She came to me. Mulo. Paige: Mulo? Eva: The living dead. I never believed in it before. Piper: It's okay, just tell us what happened. Eva: It was a code blue. My patient, she died... and then it was Aunt Lydia. Nobody else saw. I thought I was going crazy. Phoebe: I am so sorry. Eva: No, it's my fault. She tried to warn me this morning, I didn't believe her. Piper: No, it's not your fault. You had your reasons to be sceptical. Was she trying to tell you something? Eva: I don't know, I don't remember much. I do know a Mulo is a bad omen. It means that something horrible is about to happen. Paige: Well, it shouldn't, we vanquished Cree. Piper: What about Oren? Eva: It has to be him. I mean, that's what she was trying to tell me. She was trying to warn me again. My Romanian is weak but I think she was saying something about him trying to take her power away. Piper: Well, how can he take her power now that she's... Eva: I don't know. I wish I knew what Waffediyok meant. She kept saying that. Paige: We should go to Lydia's apartment. (to Phoebe) Maybe you could get a prem... Phoebe: No. We need more vanquishing potion. I'm gonna go back to the house and try to remember what she used. Paige: But Phoebe, we could really use your power. Phoebe: Yeah, I know, Paige, I know. (to Leo) Can you take me home? Leo: Sure. (Phoebe and Leo leave around the corner.) Paige: What should we do now? Eva: Theresa would know. [Scene: Theresa's apartment. Piper, Paige and Eva are there. Eva drapes a black veil over a photo of Madame Theresa and Lydia.] Eva: Gypsy custom. Covering the photos of the dead. Piper: Looks like you're remembering more and more of those customs. Eva: Nobody knew more about them than Theresa. She was like the holy woman of the tribe. She always made sure that traditions were passed down from mother to daughter. My mum tried to pass them down to me but I wouldn't listen. (Paige finds an antique chest in a cupboard and pulls it out.) Paige: Look at this, it's so beautiful. Eva: Let me see that. (She walks over to Paige.) It was my mother's. (She takes the chest and sits down on the couch with it.) I can't believe Theresa kept it. Paige: Yeah, well, maybe she was just saving it for a special kind of day. (Eva smiles.) Eva: My mother called it her treasure chest. It's where she kept precious things. (She opens the box and pulls out a photo.) Piper: Is that you and your mum? (Eva nods. She starts to cry.) Eva: She made us matching dresses for Christmas. She worked so hard to finish them in time. Paige: I know it's hard. My mum died ten years ago and there's still a lot of boxes that I can't open. (Eva pulls out a book and opens it.) Eva: Um, these are recipes and herbal remedies, gypsy spells. Piper: Mm-hm. Maybe it's not too late to learn after all. (Paige pulls out a necklace.) Paige: Look at this, it looks like Lydia's locket. Eva: That's our family talisman, the evil eye. Piper: Your family symbol is evil? Eva: Only to those who it wishes harm. Many feared the evil eye but our family was said to be protected by it. The folklore said that the keeper of the eye could use it to magnify or channel her powers. Paige: I don't think this is folklore. Look at this inscription. (Paige shows Eva the back of the necklace.) Eva: Waffediyok. That's the evil eye. Paige: I think Lydia was the keeper. I think she conjured up that dust storm and I think this is what Cree was after. Piper: So he wasn't taking Shuvanis eyes just out of revenge. He wanted the evil eye. Eva: And Oren still wants it. [Scene: Morgue. Oren is there. Lydia's body is lying on a slab, her eyes gouged out. Oren places her eyes in his eye sockets and walks over to a mirror.] Oren: I'll have my revenge, son. But not before I give you yours. (An attendant walks in the room.) Attendant: Who are you? What are you doing in here? Oren: Testing my new powers. (Oren's eyes turn green and shoots out green beams of light at the attendant, burning a hole in his chest.) [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe and Leo are there. Phoebe is making the potion. Leo is on the phone.] Leo: Okay, Piper, just be careful. (He hangs up.) They're going to the morgue. (Phoebe throws in some turmeric and the potion explodes.) Phoebe: Done. Can you pass me the ice? Leo: Sure. (He hands her a container of ice.) Maybe we should follow them, see if you can get a premonition. Phoebe: It was my sorry excuse for a premonition that put Lydia in the morgue in the first place. Leo: Phoebe, we lose innocents, it's not your fault. I think if anyone's to blame, it's Cole. Phoebe: What? He's out of town. For the first time he's actually not plaguing my life. Leo: Which is what gave you the time to find out something was wrong with your powers to begin with. You dove into your work originally to escape the pain and you dealt with it fine, but you haven't slowed down. You went from one obsession to another. (The phone rings. The machine gets it.) Elise's Voice: Phoebe, it's Elise! Where are you?! Phoebe? (Phoebe races over and picks up the phone.) Phoebe: Elise? Okay, just listen to me for a second, okay? Look, I'm sorry but I have a major family emergency. Elise's Voice: More important than your career? Phoebe: Well, yeah, of course my career is important to me but my family is more important. Elise's Voice: Get your butt in here now! (Phoebe hangs up on her.) Phoebe: Thank you. Leo: You're welcome. (Piper, Paige and Eva orb in.) Piper: We were too late, Oren got the evil eye. Phoebe: The evil eye? Paige: Yeah, Lydia's eyes have the power. Eva: That's what she was trying to tell me. (Eva holds out the necklace.) Paige: Wait, I hope you have that potion ready 'cause we're gonna need it big time. (Phoebe takes the necklace and gasps. She moves backward.) Phoebe, are you okay? (Phoebe reaches out.) Phoebe: Premonition. Major premonition. I'm in the future. (Piper moves towards Phoebe but Leo stops her.) Leo: Let her go. (In Phoebe's premonition we are looking through Phoebe's eyes. We see Piper and Leo looking at the Book of Shadows. Oren appears and Piper throws the potion at him. Oren catches the potion and destroys it. Oren shoots a green beam of light at Piper and burns a hole in her chest. Leo lunges for Oren, Oren grabs Leo's neck and twists it. Oren stares at Phoebe and shoots the beam of light at her. The premonition ends and Phoebe falls back with a burnt hole in her chest. She looks at her wound and then drops to the floor. Leo runs over to her and starts healing her. Phoebe wakes up.) Leo: It's okay, it's okay. (Phoebe sits up.) Piper: What happened? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Eva are there.] Phoebe: It's been so long that my powers advanced. And boy did they advance. Leo: To the point where they almost got you killed. Piper: I don't get it. How can you be at risk in the present when you're witnessing a future event. Phoebe: All I know is it felt like I was in two places at once. Almost as if I astral projected into my future self. Paige: Okay, it's really great that your powers have advanced and we'll talk about that later, right after we make sure there is a later. Eva: Now that Oren has the evil eye, I'd say our best chances of survival is to run and hide. Leo: You said the vanquishing potion had no effect? Phoebe: He didn't even flinch. Piper: So your new and improved premonitions are just a more vivid way of telling us that we're screwed? Phoebe: Well, the premonitions may have changed but the reason behind getting them hasn't. I mean, they show us the future so that we can change the outcome. Eva: But how? [Time lapse. Attic. Everyone walks in.] Piper: Isn't it a bit suicidal to be walking into the room Phoebe saw us die in? Paige: Yes, except we have something Phoebe's premonition didn't. We have Eva. Eva: How am I supposed to make a difference? Paige: Well, in the premonition witchcraft alone wasn't enough to vanquish Oren, but we think witchcraft plus gypsy magic will be. Eva: But I don't know any gypsy magic. Phoebe: Well, you have it inside you, you were born with it. Why else would you have received your Aunt's warning? Eva: Even if you're right, I can't defeat Oren on my own. Paige: You won't need to, you can just call upon your ancestors. (Paige turns to a spell in the Book Of Shadows.) Here's a spell we've used before, just substitute those names for those of your gypsy family members. Eva: Um, okay. Here goes. "Niccolli gypsies stand strong beside me..." (Oren appears behind them. Piper turns around and throws the potion at him. He catches the potion and destroys it.) Piper: Keep saying the spell. Eva: "Marina, Theresa, Lydia..." (Oren shoots a green beam of light at Piper and burns a hole through her chest.) Phoebe, Paige, Eva: "Niccolli gypsies stand strong beside us, vanquish this evil from time and space." (Leo runs over to Oren, Oren grabs Leo and twists his neck. He throws him across the room.) "Niccolli gypsies stand strong beside us, vanquish this evil from time and space. Niccolli gypsies stand strong beside us, vanquish this evil from time and space." (Niccolli spirits fly around them.) "Niccolli gypsies stand strong beside us, vanquish this evil from time and space." (Oren shoots green beams of light at the girls but the spirits shield them. The beams of light is reflected back at Oren and it vanquishes him. The spirits disappear.) Phoebe: Piper. (Phoebe races over to Piper. Leo heals her and she gets up. Eva starts to cry.) Paige: You did it. Eva: My mother. She was here. I felt her. [Scene: A gypsy encampment. People are waiting outside a small building, including Piper and Phoebe. The door opens and Eva walks out with her stethoscope around her neck.] Eva: Who's next? Piper: We are! (A pregnant woman beside Piper gives her a look.) Well, not really but we'll make it super quick. (They go to Eva.) Hey, how you doing? Eva: Fine. Hectic. I can only make it here after my hospital shift. Phoebe: Hectic is good, just as long as it's not too hectic. Eva: Well, I think I have my priorities in order. And helping out gypsies who don't have health care is definitely one of them. Phoebe: Good for you. (Paige walks out holding a chart.) Paige: Eva, did Mrs. Vasila get her tetanus shot? Piper: Paige? Paige: Hey, guys! Piper: What are you doing? Paige: Oh, you know, just pitching in, helping out. Did I ever mention that I... Piper, Phoebe: Have no life. Yeah. Eva: Paige has been great. Quick starting too. Paige: You should see all the folk remedies the gypsies have. Some of them are even better than western medicine. Piper: Really? Any of them help with my nauseousness? Phoebe: Well, it's funny you should ask. (Phoebe pulls Piper towards the door.) Piper: W-Where are you going? Paige: You don't want to be late for your appointment now, do you? Piper: What appointment? Phoebe: Your appointment with Eva. Meet your new doctor. Piper: O-O-Oh... (She laughs.) Paige: She's also gonna teach us how to be your midwives. Piper: Midwives? No! See, 'cause I'm not having this thing naturally. (Phoebe makes breathing noises. Piper tries to cover her mouth.) No. I need lots and lots of western medicine. (Paige and Eva laugh.) Eva: Piper... Piper: No offence. Eva: Piper, you know, I trusted you to carry on my heritage, now you can trust me to carry on yours. (Eva takes Piper to the door. Piper points at her sisters and laughs. They go inside and Eva closes the door. The Waffediyok symbol has been painted on the door.)

With her power of premonition gone, Phoebe seeks the advice of a fortune teller and discovers in a premonition that a demon named Cree is going to kill every member in a family of Gypsies. Meanwhile, Piper wants to see a doctor about her baby, but Leo is concerned about the threat of exposure. Guest starring Tobin Bell .

fd_Gilmore_Girls_01x06

fd_Gilmore_Girls_01x06_0

(Lorelai, Rory, and Emily Gilmore are sitting around the dinner table.) LORELAI: So where'd you say Dad was? EMILY: Away on business. LORELAI: Location's top secret? EMILY: Oh, Germany. LORELAI: Germany. Is Dad's firm insuring Nazis now? EMILY: Your father doesn't know any Nazis. LORELAI: I know, Mom. I was just -- EMILY: What? RORY: Joking. She was joking. EMILY: Oh. Hard to tell. LORELAI: Yeah, well. EMILY: Oh, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Claudia died. LORELAI: Who? EMILY: Claudia. Your cousin Claudia. (Lorelai stares.) Claudia! LORELAI: I'm hearing the name, Mom. I have no idea who that is. EMILY: Claudia's your cousin, for all intents and purposes. LORELAI: Oh, now we're getting to it. EMILY: She was your father's grandmother's sister's girl. So to you, that would make her -- LORELAI: Nothing? EMILY: Regardless the funeral's on Thursday. I thought we'd all go together. LORELAI: Ooh, whoa. Two problems. Impossible to get away from the inn Thursday. Two, I've never met this woman. EMILY: You most certainly have. LORELAI: When? EMILY: Several times. LORELAI: I'll take one. EMILY: We went to her house in Groton to see the first moon landing. She'd just gotten a new Philco. LORELAI: I have no memory of this whatsoever. EMILY: Rory, correct me if I'm wrong, but men have walked on the moon regardless of whether your mother remembers it or not. RORY: That's the rumor. LORELAI: I know men have walked on the moon. I just don't know Claudia. EMILY: So you're not going? LORELAI: Not this time. EMILY: I don't think Claudia's planning to die a second time. LORELAI: Mom, I couldn't go if I wanted to. EMILY: Fine. (pauses) Oh wait -- Rudolph Gottfried. LORELAI: Another cousin? EMILY: No, a Nazi that we knew. I'd forgotten. We stayed with him once in Munich. Nice old man. Interesting stories. LORELAI: Mom you socialized with a Nazi? That's despicable! That's heinous! EMILY: No, dear, that was a joke. (Rory laughs.) (Cut to Lorelai's kitchen. It is morning and Lorelai is seated at the table drinking coffee. Rory walks into the kitchen and closes her bedroom door on loud music.) LORELAI: Hey. I have an idea for a new reality show. How about everyone just looks out their freakin' kitchen window for a change? RORY: Ooh. She's cranky this morning. LORELAI: Let's just say the world has a formidable opponent. RORY: Wait -- shouldn't you be baking? LORELAI: I don't know. Shouldn't you be knitting? RORY: Mom! The Chilton bake sale is today! LORELAI: I know. I got it covered. RORY: They expect the things to be homemade. LORELAI: I know. RORY: By someone other than Dolly Madison. LORELAI: I said I have it covered. RORY: All of the parents pitch in so this is really really important. You know that, right? LORELAI: No, I didn't know that. In that case I don't have it covered. I have it covered! Get your stuff and hit the stereo -- we're late. RORY: (softly) It's not me. (Rory opens her door and we see Lane dancing in the room.) LORELAI: (to Lane) Where does your mother think you are? (Lane turns off the music.) LANE: Oh, on a park bench contemplating the reunification of the two Koreas. LORELAI: Not here, skanking to Rancid? LANE: Wouldn't be included. LORELAI: School! (Cut to exterior of the house. Lane, Lorelai, and Rory walk down the front steps and start to cross the yard. Lane waves as she runs off.) LANE: Bye. RORY: Bye. (Babette and Morey walk by. Morey is pulling a wagon with Cinnamon -- their cat --inside. The wagon has a covering like a baby carriage.) RORY: Wow, Cinnamon, riding in style. BABETTE: Yeah, Morey made it. Cinnamon's not walking good these days but she still likes her passeggiatas. That's Italian for 'a nice walk.' MOREY: (with an accent) Passeggiata. BABETTE: Oh God, he makes it sound so sexy. MOREY: Come on. LORELAI: (points to the covered area) What's that? BABETTE: Oh it's Cinnamon's private area. Sometimes she likes to be alone. She's just like Morey in that sense. (to Morey) Hey, say passaggiata again. MOREY: I can't do it on command, Babs. BABETTE: Oh, he's blushin'. God, I love a man that blushes! (BABETTE and MOREY walk away, pulling the wagon.) RORY: Okay, our town is just weird. LORELAI: Thank God. RORY: Bye. LORELAI: Bye. RORY: I'll see you later at school. LORELAI: For what? RORY: Mom, the bake sale! LORELAI: Ha! I got the vein in the forehead. Whoo! RORY: Sadist. (Cut to a busy street. People are walking by on the sidewalk. Rory is sitting on a bench. A bus pulls around the corner and stops in front of her. Dean is walking down the street and sees Rory get on the bus. He gets on and sits behind her. Rory opens her book and beings to read. She doesn't notice him.) DEAN: Hey. RORY: Aah! Morning. DEAN: Good book? RORY: I don't know yet. DEAN: I saw you standing in line so I thought I'd say hello. (pause) Hello? RORY: Hello. DEAN: Oh, hey, uh, thanks for helping me get the job at the store. I mean it's not a career or anything but it's got me solvent. RORY: Solvent's good. DEAN: Yeah, uh, are you always this serious? RORY: No. DEAN: So, uh, how long does it take you to get to school? RORY: Um...forty minutes if the bus driver's focused but longer if he's trying to win something on the radio. Hey, this bus is going to Hartford! DEAN: Yeah, I know. RORY: But you go to school here. You have to get off the bus! (calls to driver) Hey, he has to get off the bus! DEAN: Wait. You're forgetting something. (Bus stops.) DEAN: Buses make stops. Good-bye Lorelai Gilmore. (Dean gets off the bus.) (Cut to the inn where Michel is on the phone.) MICHEL: Independence Inn, Michel speaking. Yes, you are confirmed. Mm-hmm. Goodbye. (Michel hangs up the phone as a group of businessmen approach the counter.) MAN: Bonjour Monsieur. Vous tes francais? Vous parlez francais? MICHEL: No, sorry. MAN: Parlez vous fracais? MICHEL: Sir, I'm just a simple country boy from Texas. I do not understand this francais business you're babbling about. LORELAI: Pardon (Lorelai pulls Michel aside.) LORELAI: He knows you're not from Texas. MICHEL: Smile when you say that. LORELAI: Michel, I told you there was going to be a French group here for a couple of days and it is your job to keep them happy. MICHEL: Lorelai, I don't know how many French people you've met over the years, but most of them are insufferable. LORELAI: Really? MICHEL: Mm-hm. That is why I left France. LORELAI: Huh. I thought it had something to do with the torches and the villagers. Michel, talk to them. MICHEL: Never. (pause) You are giving me that look aren't you? Your patented, "Do it or something unspeakable shall befall you" look. (sighs) Fine. I shall be French but I shall not be happy. LORELAI: Then you will be yourself. Good choice. (Michel goes back to the French group.) MICHEL: Bonjour messieurs. Je m'appelle Miche. Ce soir pour vous aider. MAN: (laughs) Vous avez fa tt un blague. Tr s drole! Tr s drole Michel! MICHEL: (to Lorelai) Kill me now. (Cut to the bake sale at Chilton.) SOOKIE: OK-- we've got our French fantasies, American treats, and our Italian taste sensations. Well, what do you think? RORY: Amazing. LORELAI: Incredible. SOOKIE: It is good, isn't it? Well, final touch. (Sookie prepares to light a swan-shaped dessert on fire.) RORY: Oh, can I do that? SOOKIE: Whoa, honey, this is a more delicate procedure than you might think, OK? RORY: OK. SOOKIE: It takes an expert hand. (SOOKIE lights the tablecloth on fire. Lorelai fills a cup with lemondae from a nearby table and extinguishes the flames. The women at the lemonade table give her dirty looks. LORELAI: Um -- hi. Oh, well, gee...what is that, a dollar? Let me find you a dollar. You know what? I'll take two -- I'll drink one. (drinks) Mmm...tasty and flame-retardant. (Mr. Medina walks up to Lorelai.) MR. MEDINA: Very Henry the Eighth. LORELAI: Well we're not into subtle. MR. MEDINA: Good to see you, Lorelai. LORELAI: Good to see you, Mr. Medina. MR. MEDINA: Max. LORELAI: Mr. Medina. MR. MEDINA: Max. LORELAI: Mr. Medina. Meet Sookie, the cheft at the inn. Sookie, Mr. Medina. SOOKIE: What's your name again? LORELAI: Mr. Medina. SOOKIE: I know, you've said it like a zillion times. (to Mr. Medina) Hello. MR. MEDINA: Hello. Lorelai, could I borrow you for a second? LORELAI: Oh, yeah, sure. (to Sookie) Oh! Hey I'll be right back. (Lorelai and Mr. Medina walk away from the table.) MR. MEDINA: You know, Lorelai, I would love for the ice to thaw. LORELAI: There's no ice. MR. MEDINA: Well you repeated my full name four times. That's ice. LORELAI: No, that's not ice, it's wintry. MR. MEDINA: I was doing my job when I didn't let Rory take that test. I didn't like it but I had to do it. LORELAI: I know. MR. MEDINA: And I'd do it again. LORELAI: OK. MR. MEDINA: I really do think Rory's a great kid and I'm going to do my damnedest to make sure she gets through Chilton in one piece. LORELAI: I appreciate that. MR. MEDINA: And I'd like us to be friends. LORELAI: We are. Me too. MR. MEDINA: Yeah? LORELAI: Yeah. Really, truly, I swear. There's no more ice. We're walking in a pool of tepid water. MR. MEDINA: Good. LORELAI: Good. MR. MEDINA: I'm going to propose something here. I'm not sure how you're going to take it. LORELAI: Oh wow, intrigue. MR. MEDINA: I'd like to see you sometime. Away from the ivy, away from the gargoyles, away from here. LORELAI: Are you asking me out on a date. MR. MEDINA: Yes. LORELAI: Mm. Well, uh, I don't want to go out on a limb here, but I'm guessing if the headmaster won't let a kid be thirty seconds late for a test he'd probably frown on a teacher dating a mom. MR. MEDINA: I do my job well, I'm dedicated to my students, and there's nothing in the Chilton book of ethics that prohibits it. LORELAI: Yeah but I'm guessing it's sort of an unwritten rule. MR. MEDINA: Do you want to go? LORELAI: And Rory would probably freak at the thought. MR. MEDINA: Do you want to go? LORELAI: And the other parents would have a field day with this kind of thing. MR. MEDINA: Do you want to go? LORELAI: Yes. MR. MEDINA: Good. LORELAI: Wait. MR. MEDINA: What? LORELAI: No. MR. MEDINA: Why? LORELAI: I can't. It's wrong. It's weird. MR. MEDINA: I'll pay. LORELAI: You're on. MR. MEDINA: Really? LORELAI: I'm kidding. I don't know. You're Rory's teacher. MR. MEDINA: I know. LORELAI: Could you quit? Right, that's crazy. MR. MEDINA: OK, OK. Um...how about coffee? You like coffee? LORELAI: Only with my oxygen. MR. MEDINA: Can we drink some together? A sort of pre-date. Very casual, no strings, no obligations. We'll just see if it's even worth going down the road of including food in the deal. (whispers) Just coffee. (normal voice) Decaf? There's nothing safer than decaf. LORELAI: I'm going to be in town tomorrow because I take a class at Hartford State and there's a coffee shop across the street that I sometimes, almost all the time, go to around 4:00 and usually exactly 4:12. I could not stop a person from entering said establishment around that time, nor would I avoid them if I knew them if they did. MR. MEDINA: You know the wordsmith thing -- that's something we have in common. LORELAI: See you around, Max. MR. MEDINA: Indeed. You will. (Cut to Lane and Rory walking down the street.) LANE: Philadelphia. RORY: Philadelphia? If you could live in any city in the world you'd pick Philadelphia? LANE: M. Night Shymalan lives there. RORY: Who? LANE: The guy who directed 'The Sixth Sense.' RORY: But what would you do there? LANE: Hang out with M. Night Shymalan. RORY: OK, cross 'guidance counselor' off your list of potential career choices. (They meet Babette, Morey, and Cinnamon.) BABETTE: Lie still, baby doll, we're almost home. RORY: Hey Babette. BABETTE: Hey kids. (Cinnamon meows strangely.) RORY: Wow, that sounds bad. BABETTE: Cinnamon's dyspeptic. So's Morey. Too many clams. MOREY: Bad clams. (Babette, Morey, and Cinnamon continue walking.) BABETTE: This doesn't reflect well on Al's establishment. LANE: You had clams at Al's? RORY: Al's Pancake World? BABETTE: Yeah, well we had a coupon. RORY: Hmmm. (Rory and Lane resume walking down the street. Rory spots Dean in the grocery store where he is working.) RORY: Oh wow! The store! Hey, listen, I have to pick up some stuff, so -- LANE: What do you have to pick up? RORY: Just some...stuff. So I'll talk to you later tonight. LANE: I'll go in with you. RORY: Why? LANE: Because otherwise I'd have to go home. RORY: Home is good. LANE: My home? RORY: Yeah, actually I don't have to go in. LANE: OK. Then I guess I will go home. RORY: Great! Go, bye. LANE: Bye...freak. (Lane leaves. Rory walks into the store and watches Dean. He looks over and waves when he sees her. Rory ducks into an aisle and walks to the back of the store where Miss Patty is.) MISS PATTY: Rory! Hello! Try a plum They're better than s*x. RORY: Um, no, thanks. MISS PATTY: Fresh fruit always has such a sensuality about it. Are you too young for this? RORY: Definitely. MISS PATTY: Well what are you here for honey? RORY: Oh well, I just -- (Rory looks over at Dean.) MISS PATTY: Oh, I see what you're here for. Well that wouldn't fit in a basket. No no no no no! RORY: Patty! It's not like that. He's just a person. MISS PATTY: A person? RORY: A boy-type person. MISS PATTY: Oh, my favorite kind. RORY: I really don't even know him. MISS PATTY: Oh, right. You don't know him? RORY: I don't. MISS PATTY: You said. RORY: Please don't say anything. MISS PATTY: I promise I won't tell a single soul that you don't know that young man. RORY: Thank you. MISS PATTY: You're welcome. (Rory walks away from Miss Patty. A store employee confronts Miss Patty, who has been sampling the produce.) EMPLOYEE: Excuse me, ma'am, what are you doing? MISS PATTY: Please, honey, don't call me ma'am. It makes me feel older than 25. Here, have a pea pod. EMPLOYEE: I assume that you're going to pay for the food you've consumed on the premises. MISS PATTY: Oh, so brusque. And you are? EMPLOYEE: I'm the new assistant manager here. MISS PATTY: Well listen here, my fine friend, who if you had a better hairstyle i might consider dating, I do this all the time. EMPLOYEE: Not from now on, I'm sorry. MISS PATTY: Oh, now, wait a minute here. I've been sampling food at this establishment for years. EMPLOYEE: The next time you put something in that mouth that doesn't belong there, I'm going to remove it and then call the police. (He takes the pea pod out of her hand and walks away. By now Rory is at the check-out counter. Dean walks over to the end of the counter.) CASHIER: Is this all you want, honey? A head of lettuce and a mouse trap? RORY: That should do it. DEAN: That's a couple of must-need items there. CASHIER: $2.27. RORY: I only have a dollar. DEAN: I could loan you the rest. RORY: Uh, no, I'll just take the lettuce. DEAN: Perfect. You could use half of it for a salad then use the other half to clobber the mouse with. (Rory starts to leave.) DEAN: Paper or plastic? RORY: I'm fine. (She leaves the store.) (Cut to Lorelai entering the coffee shop in Hartford. She sits at the counter near Mr. Medina.) MR. MEDINA: Lorelai? LORELAI: Max! Hi! MR. MEDINA: Small world, huh? LORELAI: Absolutely! What are you drinking? MR. MEDINA: Coffee. LORELAI: Plain coffee? MR. MEDINA: I wanted some cream but that prompted a very elaborate foam conversation. And the look of disapproval I got when I said I didn't want foam, just cream, rivaled the one I got from my dad when I told him I wanted to be a teacher. LORELAI: Wow, so it's been a tough outing for you, huh? MR. MEDINA: Well it's getting better. WAITRESS: What can I get you? LORELAI: Coffee, please. (The waitress goes to get Lorelai's coffee.) MR. MEDINA: So, here we are. LORELAI: Here we most certainly are. MR. MEDINA: Running into each other. LORELAI: Away from the school. MR. MEDINA: And its unique strictures. LORELAI: These things do happen. MR. MEDINA: Fate can be funny. LORELAI: Should we cut the cute and just get right to it? MR. MEDINA: I think we should date. LORELAI: Why? MR. MEDINA: Because I think we both want to. LORELAI: Well I want to be in the Bangles but that doesn't mean I quit my job and get a guitar and ruin my life to be a Bangle, does it? MR. MEDINA: The Bangles broke up. LORELAI: Yeah, that's not the point. MR. MEDINA: Well it's got to be part of the point if there's no band anymore. LORELAI: I repeat my question: 'why should we date?' MR. MEDINA: Because we're clearly attracted to each other. LORELAI: I'm attracted to pie. It doesn't mean I feel the need to date pie. MR. MEDINA: OK then because we are -- LORELAI: Yes? MR. MEDINA: -- of similar heights. LORELAI: Wow! Round one and already tapped. MR. MEDINA: Look I know that you are concerned about the appearance of us dating. LORELAI: Yes I am. MR. MEDINA: Well I can tell you that I am the soul of discretion when it comes to delicate relationships. LORELAI: Dated a lot of Chilton moms, huh? MR. MEDINA: No, I meant any relationships -- work, family. LORELAI: Oh so you have things to hide in all aspects of your life -- very interesting. MR. MEDINA: (to waitress) Do you have any hemlock back there? Arsenic, something quick? LORELAI: Do you like rap music? MR. MEDINA: Yeah. LORELAI: Me too. Italian food? MR. MEDINA: Yeah. LORELAI: Me too. You just telling me what I want to hear? MR. MEDINA: Yeah. LORELAI: I knew it! MR. MEDINA: Doesn't mean it doesn't coincide with how I really feel. LORELAI: Yeah but if you're telling me what you think I want to hear then I'm not really getting to know you. MR. MEDINA: And if I know what you want to hear that shows a level of understanding on my part that far exceeds your understanding of me. (Lorelai doesn't say anything). Who's the one laggin? LORELAI: Uh... MR. MEDINA: Wow, round one and already tapped! LORELAI: (seriously) Rory is my life. She's my pal, my everything. And I would never, ever do anything that would hurt her. MR. MEDINA: I understand. (A man sits down on the stool between them.) But Rory is not a baby anymore. LORELAI: Don't say that! She's eight! She's eight and her favorite hobby is making necklaces out of gum wrappers. MR. MEDINA: You could try stunting her growth, keeping her in a box, blowing cigarette smoke on her. (The man gives Mr. Medina a strange look.) MR. MEDINA: You are so taking this out of context. (The man moves to another seat. Mr. Medina moves into the seat next to Lorelai that the man vacated.) MR. MEDINA: OK, when my uncle was a young man, there was this girl who lived across the street from him and he was completely in love with her -- but he never talked to her. But he knew in his gut that this was the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. LORELAI: This is gonna be sad isn't it? MR. MEDINA: Let me finish. LORELAI: It's gonna be sad. MR. MEDINA: So anyhow my uncle watches this girl, waiting for the right moment to approach her. Next thing he knows, he gets drafted. LORELAI: Oh, going for Kleenex. MR. MEDINA: No. Now he thinks 'this is perfect. I'll come back, I'll have a career, I'll have served my country, I'll be worthy of her love.' When he gets back -- she's gone. Moved away. No one knew where and he never saw that girl again. Now my uncle, he didn't say much to me, but the one thing he did say was that if there's something in your gut that you know you feel is right you gotta go after it, no matter what. What do you say? (Lorelai sighs. She takes out a business card and writes on it.) LORELAI: Maybe dinner wouldn't be so bad. MR. MEDINA: Dinner? You mean we could sit together? Even drive together? (Lorelai tosses the card at Mr. Medina.) LORELAI: Just take the card. MR. MEDINA: I might frame the card. LORELAI: Just use the card. MR. MEDINA: I definitely will. (Mr. Medina gets up to leave.) LORELAI: Hey, that story about your uncle -- is that true? MR. MEDINA: (sighs) Goodbye Lorelai Gilmore. (Cut to Luke's cafe. Luke serves Lorelai and Sookie.) SOOKIE: Thank you. LORELAI: Thank you. (to Sookie) Life is a funny funny thing, huh? SOOKIE: Yeah I love that Jim Carrey. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: Jim Carrey. He's just -- he's just -- funny. LORELAI: He is funny but I didn't mean funny, funny. I'm being philosophical. SOOKIE: Oh. Very serious face. Jean-Paul Sartre. LORELAI: I can't talk to you with that face. LUKE: How do you guys get any work done? SOOKIE: So why is life such a funy thing? LORELAI: I met this amazing guy. SOOKIE: Goody! LORELAI: Yeah there's goody stuff about it but there's baddy stuff too. He's a teacher at Chilton. Max -- you met him at the bake sale. SOOKIE: Oh! He looked good. LORELAI: Yeah. Right. He's so sexy and smart and funny and he likes coffee. SOOKIE: God, he sounds perfect for you. Did you get onions? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: (calls to Luke in the kitchen) Hey Luke! You forgot the onions. LORELAI: I'm just so mixed up though. You know this is a real crossroads kind of situation.It's like 'to perm or not to perm.' I'm really confused. SOOKIE: For Heaven's sake. (Sookie goes around the counter to get the onions. She starts adding things -- onions and spices -- to the other customers' plates.) SOOKIE: Go ahead, I'm still listening. You were about to perm your hair. LORELAI: I just want to do the right thing. SOOKIE: I'm not sure I see what the problem is. LORELAI: Oh there are many problems. First -- I do not like to involve Rory in my personal life. I don't want her to have to deal with that. You know, I might bring some guy home and he might not be THE guy but then she gets all attached to him and then all of a sudden I decide that I don't like the way he eats or he hums incessantly or -- SOOKIE: Or the way he smacks his lips or how his hair isn't really his. LORELAI: Yeah. And then I break up with him and then Rory is the one who gets hurt. SOOKIE: I totally understand. LORELAI: This guy is her teacher. I mean, there's no way to keep him out of her life. She sees him every day. SOOKIE: (to a bearded customer) Are you the open-faced turkey? BEARDED CUSTOMER: Yep. SOOKIE: OK, I added a little fresh lemon and a little cayanne pepper. You're gonna plotz! (to Lorelai) You od know that Rory's not a baby anymore. LORELAI: I know, that's what he said. Maybe I'm being too serious, right? Maybe I should loosen the rules a bit. Plus, be great to get...you know. SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: You know. SOOKIE: No I don't. LORELAI: You know...he knows. SOOKIE: (to bearded customer) You know? BEARDED CUSTOMER: Yeah I know. (Luke sees Sookie behind his counter.) LUKE: Sookie! SOOKIE: Hey. I was just looking for your paprika. LUKE: What have I said about the counter? SOOKIE: I know. LUKE: How the counter is a sacred space. MY sacred space. You don't do yoga on the Dalai Lama's mat and you don't come behind my counter, period. Luke takes Sookie by the shoulders and walks her back to the other side of the counter.) SOOKIE: I was trying to help. LUKE: (to Lorelai) You bring her again and I want her on a leash. I mean it. SOOKIE: He does make a damn find burger though. LORELAI: He does at that. Alright I'm just going to keep it simple. I'll tell Rory. If there's even an ounce of weirdenss about it I'll cancel. SOOKIE: You haven't told Rory yet? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: Oops. LORELAI: No, not oops. The timing hasn't been right. This is a very delicate, fragile situation. It's like one of your souffles. If you don't do it right it's a disaster. SOOKIE: And you have to order it 45 minutes in advance. LORELAI: Huh? SOOKIE: My souffle. LORELAI: Right, I wasn't but speaking directly about your souffle. I was speaking metaphorically. SOOKIE: Oh so you don't like my souffles? LORELAI: How DO we work together? (Rory rushes into the cafe.) RORY: Mom you better come. LORELAI: Honey, what's wrong? RORY: It's Cinnamon. (Cut to Lorelai and Rory pulling into their driveway. They cross the yard and go to Babette's. There is a Stars Hollow Animal Hospital van in the driveway. Inside Babette's house, Cinnamon's body is lying on the floor covered by a sheet. The vet is just standing up as Lorelai and Rory enter the house.) LORELAI: Babette? Honey? BABETTE: Oh, Lorelai. Come in, come in. She's gone. Cinnamon's gone. LORELAI: I'm so sorry. (Rory goes over to Morey and sits next to him.) RORY: Is there anything I can do for you, Morey? MOREY: This is life, Rory, it breaks your heart. BABETTE: She looked like she was sleeping. I thought she was asleep so I nudged her and she didn't wake. I gave her a push and she rolled off the couch and since I waxed the floor she went shootin' across the room and then she knocked over the lamp and she still didn't move. I knew it was over. Oh, God, my baby. MOREY: Tell me it wasn't the -- BABETTE: Oh, Morey, don't do this to yourself. He thinks it was the clams. MOREY: She saw me eating them and she gave me that 'hey, man, what's up?' look and -- VET: It wasn't the clams. Morey, in human years this cat was 260 years old. LORELAI: That's a good, long life. VET: Listen, why don't you let me take her out to the van and then I'll get out of your way. BABETTE: Oh, no, stay. All of you, please stay. Cinnamon would want you here. RORY: We'll stay as long as you want. MOREY: I'll never eat clams again. RORY: Me either. (Rory pats Morey's arm.) (Time lapse. Babette's house is now full of mourners, with more arriving all the time.) LANE: They said that they rolled her body into a lamp. (Rory nods her head 'yes.') LANE: Did you laugh? (Rory shakes her head 'no.') LANE: Did you want to? (Rory nods her head 'yes.') RORY: But it's sad. LANE: Yeah, it's sad. (The bearded customer from the cafe walks by as Michel comes through the door.) MICHEL: Hello? Hello? Where is Lorelai? I'm dropping something off. Yoo-hoo, 'Hee-Haw' man, where is Lorelai Gilmore? LORELAI: Hey, hey, hey. Thank you. I could not get back to the inn. MICHEL: What, you are having a party and I was not invited? LORELAI: Sweetie, it's not a party, it's a wake. MICHEL: Oh, really? Who died? LORELAI: Their cat. MICHEL: You are mourning a cat? LORELAI: Yes. MICHEL: They lick their privates, these cats. LORELAI: Not the comforting chitchat we're looking for here. Goodbye. I'll talk to you later. Thank you. (Lorelai pushes Michel out the door just as Miss Patty is pushing her way in.) MISS PATTY: Babette, Morey, I came as soon as I heard. Oh, darling, what do you need? (Miss Patty grabs Babette and hugs her and presses Babette's head into her large chest.) BABETTE: A little air, honey! MISS PATTY: Oh -- oh! (Outside, Sookie and Luke arrive at the same time, both carrying food.) SOOKIE: Oh, Luke. LUKE: Sookie. SOOKIE: What'cha got in the bag? LUKE: Bricks. SOOKIE: Yeah, good one. LORELAI: Oh, bless you both! Everyone's starved, come in. (Sookie and Luke both try to go through the door at the same time and collide. They back up and Sookie rushes in before Luke.) LORELAI: OK, how should we do this? SOOKIE: Well we need a flow for the room so there's no bottlenecks. People coming in, they're gonna want a beverage. Put 'em on the first table then the smaller hors d'oeuvres next to that, leaving one hand free to greet the people. Then, back there, set up plates and cutlery. First the salads, then the meat dishes, then desserts on the piano bench. How does that sound? Luke dumps his bags of food on a table in the middle of the room.) LUKE: Dig in! (People rush for the food.) (Time lapse. Rory answers a knock at the door. It's Dean with his arms full of drinks. He has to duck to get in under the low door frame.) DEAN: Oh, hi, wow. I wasn't expecting you. RORY: Or me you. I mean, you, me. I mean, come in. (Dean takes the drinks into the other room. Lorelai walks by.) LORELAI: Do you know him? RORY: No. LORELAI: No? RORY: Well, he goes to my old school, so I see him there sometimes but I go to Chilton now. LORELAI: Thanks for the update. RORY: You're welcome. (Lorelai leaves and Dean comes back.) DEAN: Do you have a second? RORY: No. I have gum. DEAN: No, thanks, uh, look -- RORY; I have to get back. DEAN: Oh, sure. I'll see you later. (Dean leaves. While watching him out the window, Rory sees Mr. Medina at her door.) RORY: Mom? Isn't that -- LORELAI: Oh, no. RORY: That's Mr. Medina. LORELAI: Tonight's Thursday! RORY: Well, am I in trouble? Did the school call or something? LORELAI: No, no you're great. I -- um -- let me just come back in just one second. RORY: Wait -- what's going on? LORELAI: Let me tell you in a minute. RORY: Tell me now. LORELAI: Max is here -- RORY: Max? LORELAI: Max is here to pick me up. RORY: Pick you up for -- oh. LORELAI: I'm gonna go talk to him real quick and I'm gonna be right back. (Rory looks upset. Lorelai runs outside and over to her own porch where Mr. Medina is still knocking.) LORELAI: Hey! MR. MEDINA: Oh, hi. LORELAI: Hi. MR. MEDINA: I was knocking but no one answered. LORELAI: I know. I was at the neighbors' house. MR. MEDINA: You're cancelling. LORELAI: I know it's totally last minute. MR. MEDINA: I'm heartbroken. LORELAI: I just completely forgot about our date. MR. MEDINA: And forgettable. LORELAI: No you're memorable. I've been memorabling all week. It's just -- We had a little emergency. MR. MEDINA: Rory, is Rory OK? LORELAI: No, Rory's fine. It's the neighbors' cat. MR. MEDINA: The neighbors' -- LORELAI: -- cat. She died. MR. MEDINA: She died. LORELAI: This was a very fat, very beloved cat. (pause) MR. MEDINA: Lorelai. I like you but I don't want to force something on you that you don't want so -- (walks away) (Lorelai runs after him.) LORELAI: No, no, no. Wait. No, Max, you're not forcing anything on me. I am telling the truth about the cat. MR. MEDINA: Lorelai. LORELAI: Please don't read that much into this. Call me and we'll reschedule. I promise that's what I want. MR. MEDINA: You're sure? LORELAI: Cross my heart and hope no other neighborhood pets die on that day. MR. MEDINA: OK, I'll call. LORELAI: Good. MR. MEDINA: Sorry about, uh -- LORELAI: Cinnamon. MR. MEDINA: Cinnamon. (Mr. Medina gets into his car and drives away.) LORELAI: Stupid cat! You couldn't have held on one more day? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to the wake.) SOOKIE: Is that meatloaf? LUKE: Uh-huh. SOOKIE: You use ketchup? LUKE: You gonna make fun of my mother too? SOOKIE: Sorry. You know, my real-fruit puffs would compliment that dish quite well. LUKE: It's fine on its own, thank you. SOOKIE: Right. (pause) LUKE: OK, toss some on the plate. SOOKIE: Can I make a pretty design, maybe make some layers? LUKE: Sookie! SOOKIE: Right. Tossing them on. Got it. (Lorelai comes back in.) LORELAI: You guys, have you seen Rory anywhere? LUKE: Yeah, I think she headed that way. (points) LORELAI: OK, thanks. (The grocery store employee from earlier approaches Miss Patty.) EMPLOYEE: Excuse me, ma'am? MISS PATTY: Well if it isn't Kirk the jerk. EMPLOYEE: I want to apologize for what happened at the store yesterday. MISS PATTY: I'm listening. EMPLOYEE: I wasn't aware that you were THE Miss Patty. The owner tells me that you're one of our best customers and you can put anything into that mouth that you want to. Those were his words. I could have paraphrased them. MISS PATTY: Stop sweating. And close your pores, Kirky, I always forgive. EMPLOYEE: Thank you. MISS PATTY: Once. (Lorelai fins Babette in the kitchen cleaning out a cabinet full of pill bottles.) LORELAI: Hey, Babette. BABETTE: Oh, hello, sugar. Can I get you something? LORELAI: No, I'm fine. I'm looking for Rory. BABETTE: Oh, I think she might be in the bathroom. LORELAI: Thanks. (starts to leave then stops) Can I help you with something? BABETTE: Oh, no. I thought I'd just get some of this stuff packed away. LORELAI: It's like a scene from a kitty version of 'Valley of the Dolls.' BABETTE: Yeah. You never realize how old they actually are 'til you look in the medicine cabinet. LORELAI: Yeah. BABETTE: These were for her heartworms, for her thyroid, her kidneys, for the rash she got from taking these, and these were for the tic she developed from the stuff for the rash. And these -- oh jeez, these are mine. Damn, I'm gonna miss that old broad. LORELAI: I know. BABETTE: You know, I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself now. You live to take care of your kids. LORELAI: I know, sweetie, but you gave her everything that you had. BABETTE: I know. She was so tiny when I got her. She could sleep in my shoe. LORELAI: The other day I came across a hat that I made for Rory. It was like a doll hat. BABETTE: Oh, they grow up so fast. LORELAI: And then they take your clothes. BABETTE: I guess eventually you have to move on. Figure out what your life is going to be when you're not busy taking care of somebody else. Jeez, look at this place. Not a clean glass in sight! LORELAI: Let me help you with that. (They start to wash the glasses but the sink is too low for Lorelai. Babette gets a stool for her.) BABETTE: Here, sugar, use this. Morey sits on it when he helps me. LORELAI: How does Morey get around in here? BABETTE: Oh, just fine. He had a couple of concussions his first year here but he never complains. He's just the best thing. I don't know what I'd do without him. (voice breaks) LORELAI: Oh, Babette. What do you mean 'without him'? BABETTE: I saw on Oprah a few weeks ago. She had on couples who lost a child. Most of the marriages went belly-up for the pain of it all. Even though they loved each other. LORELAI: Babette, that is not gonna happen to you. BABETTE: I never thought a man would ever even want me. LORELAI: I know the feeling. BABETTE: Oh, please, with that ass? Gimme a break. LORELAI: I mean want me for more than my ass. Me -- for me, the whole package. Annoying neuroses and all. BABETTE: You'll find him. It might even be that stud who drove out of here in a Mustang. LORELAI: Did you see him? BABETTE: Yeah, what a jaw. LORELAI: He's got a great jaw. BABETTE: How is he in the sack? LORELAI: I haven't even gone out with him yet. BABETTE: Will you tell me when how he is when you do? LORELAI: I'll call you during the cigarette. (They hug. Lorelai hits her head on a low-hanging overhead lamp. They hear [iano music from the other room.) BABETTE: Oh -- that's Cinnamon's song. (Cut to the living room. Everyone is seated or standing quietly listening to Morey playing the piano. Miss Patty is beating on a drum. Babette goes over to sit with Morey. Lorelai finds Sookie in the crowd.) LORELAI: Oh I can't find Rory anywhere. SOOKIE: I'm sure she's around. LORELAI: Max showed up for the date that I forgot about and she saw him. SOOKIE: And you haven't told her. LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: Oops. LORELAI: Stop with the 'oops.' SOOKIE: OK, calm down. It's not that big of a deal. LORELAI: Her teacher showed up on her porch to take out her mother. SOOKIE: She'll understand. You're crazy. She knows that. LORELAI: Enough with the comforting, Sookie. SOOKIE: Sorry. (Rory is outside in Babette's yard, surrounded by gnomes. Dean walks up to her.) DEAN: Hey. RORY: Jeez, you scared me. DEAN: Yeah, uh, look. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. RORY: For what? DEAN: Well I've been kind of bugging you lately. Uh, I thought -- I don't know -- I thought that maybe you liked me. But it's obvious that you're not interested so I just wanted to say that I get it and I'm not gonna bother you anymore. (Dean starts to leave. Rory gets up and follows him.) RORY: Wait! I AM interested. DEAN: You are? RORY: Yes. I gotta go. (Rory leaves and Dean smiles. As Rory reaches the door Lorelai comes out.) LORELAI: Oh! Finally. I've been looking everywhere for you. RORY: Well you found me. LORELAI: Listen, I have some explaining to do. OK. So sit down in that tiny little chair and I'm gonna do it right now. (Rory sits.) That man on the porch was your teacher. RORY: Mom, I'm a little behind in school but not so far behind that I don't know who the teacher is. So? LORELAI: So -- um -- he and I were going to sort of hang out together. RORY: On a date. LORELAI: No, on a -- something that could appear like a date to the untrained eye. RORY: To your daughter's eye? LORELAI: It was a date. RORY: How long have you been dating him? LORELAI: I haven't. This was gonna be the first time. RORY: And when were you planning on telling me about this -- your wedding? LORELAI: No -- by the rehearsal dinner at least. RORY: He's my teacher. LORELAI: I know. RORY: He teaches me things every day in a very small classroom with a lot of other kids who probably won't be high-fiving me when they find this out. LORELAI: I knw, sweetie, and I told him this was one of the things I was concerned about. RORY: And? LORELAI: And he thought we could be discreet. RORY: Unbelievable! LORELAI: Are you mad? RORY: Yes! LORELAI: Alright. Because I'm dating him? RORY: Because you lied to me. LORELAI: I kept information from you. RORY: Information that I should have had. LORELAI: Information that would have come out eventually. Like the Iran-Contra scandal. RORY: So you're Oliver North. LORELAI: No, I'm Fawn Hall. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Well, she was much prettier. RORY: I just can't believe that you didn't tell me about this. Why wouldn't you tell me? LORELAI: 'Cause I thought you were going to take it bad. Thank God I was wrong. (pause) OK, OK. Listen, I'm sorry. I won't date him. I promise. RORY: I'm not saying that you can't date him. It's just -- this is weird. I mean -- there's a million guys in this world and you end up with Mr. Medina. LORELAI: You think I don't get the weirdness factor? Believe me, the last thing I intended to do was date your teacher. RORY: I believe you. LORELAI: I really like him, Rory. I can't help it. And it's been a really long time since I've felt like this. You can't always control who you're attracted to, you know. I think the whole Angelina Jolie/Billy Bob Thronton thing really proves that. And I know you don't understand this now but you wil someday. You'll meet some great guy and he'll make your head all foggy and you won't know what to do with yourself. (sighs) Oh, sweetie, I won't keep anything from you again. OK? I promise. From now on every aspect of my life is an open book to you. RORY: That's OK. LORELAI: Really, I'm not even going to get dressed until I tell you what I'm thinking of wearing. RORY: Fair enough. LORELAI: OK, tomorrow I'm thinking the purple tiger top, the black leather skirt, the panda bear underwear. RORY: Oh, good. LORELAI: But of course I'm totally open to suggestions. RORY: Here's one: get some help. (Lorelai and Rory are leaving Babette's. Babette and Morey walk them out.) LORELAI: Let us know if we can do anything. BABETTE: Oh, you've done too much already. LORELAI: Good-night, Babette. (Lorelai hugs Babette.) BABETTE: Good-night, sugar. RORY: Good-night, Morey. (Rory hugs Morey.) MOREY: Stay cool, Rory. BABETTE: It's getting late. MOREY: Let's stay outside a while, baby. Look for the Big Dipper. BABETTE: OK, I'd like that. (Morey puts his arm around Babette's shoulders and they watch the sky.) (The phone rings as Rory and Lorelai walk in their front door.) LORELAI: Hello. EMILY: I've been trying to get you all afternoon. LORELAI: Mom? EMILY: Yes. LORELAI: Hi. EMILY: You already said that. LORELAI: But someone hasn't. EMILY: Hello. LORELAI: There we go. EMILY: You are impossible to reach. LORELAI: Well there's no messages on the machine, Mom. EMILY: I don't leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine I'd talk to my VCR. Where were you? LORELAI: At a wake. EMILY: A what? LORELAI: A wake...a funeral. EMILY: A funeral? Whose? LORELAI: It was for the neighbors' -- (Rory motions Lorelai not to say it.) LORELAI: -- cat. (Lorelai mouths 'what?' Emily doesn't say anything.) LORELAI: Mom? EMILY: Hold on. I'm looking up anyuresm in our medical dictionary to see if I just had one. LORELAI: I just wanted to be honest with you, Mom. Silly me. EMILY: A cat? LORELAI: Yeah, a cat. It was a cat's funeral. EMILY: You skipped your own cousin's funeral for a cat's funeral? LORELAI: Not my cousin, mom. My father's grandmother's sister's girl who I've never -- EMILY: You said you couldn't be away from the inn. LORELAI: Well I couldn't at the time bt I worked it out. EMILY: For a cat? LORELAI: It's late. I have a big day tomorrow, Mom. EMILY: Oh, what? You're going to a racoon's wedding? LORELAI: Good-night, Mother. EMILY: Good-night. (Lorelai hangs up.) LORELAI: Aaagh! She's working for a sedative manufacturer. Keeping that demand sky-high. RORY: You shouldn't have told her. LORELAI: Well I don't know what to tell and what to hide. RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: So we never did quite settle the whole dating-your-teacher issue. I won't go out with him if you don't want me to. RORY: You can go out with whoever you want. LORELAI: It's whoever we want. RORY: Well I'm certainly not going to go out with him 'cause that would be really weird. LORELAI: But I mean it. I won't see him if you don't want me to. RORY: Huh. LORELAI: You know, if there's anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, big or small, then he's out of there. RORY: Good to know. LORELAI: Because you know it's not like I'm desperate. I mean, there are plenty of other guys out there. RORY: Sure are. LORELAI: And it's not like I have to ask your permission. I mean, this is a courtesy. RORY: OK. (Rory goes into her room and closes the door. On the other side of the door, Lorelai raises her voice to be heard.) LORELAI: OK, so I'm going to be up for a while, if you want to get back to me on this. RORY: I know where you are. (Lorelai starts to leave. Rory opens the door and sticks her head out.) RORY: Hey, do you think you could keep him out really late on Thursday night because I have this oral exam on Friday that I'd really love him to sleep through. LORELAI: I'll do my best.

It's Rory's sixteenth birthday, so Emily and Lorelai each plan a party representative of their respective styles. Emily makes an effort to better understand Rory, much to Lorelai's delight. However, Emily invites all of Rory's Chilton classmates without consulting Rory. The resulting cold party atmosphere so upsets Rory that she argues with Emily. To make peace, Emily and Richard attend Lorelai's informal bash the next evening. They are caught off-guard by the colorful party guests. Emily tours the house, as she and Richard have never visited before, and learns Lorelai broke her leg three years ago and never told her parents. Emily sadly realizes she doesn't know her daughter at all. Dean gives Rory a birthday present.

fd_Merlin_05x13

fd_Merlin_05x13_0

Camlann The battle continues. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest Old Merlin riding as fast as he can to get to Camlann. [SCENE_BREAK] Camlann Mordred continues to cut down Camelot knights, as he continues his search for Arthur. Knights surround Mordred. Morgana throws them back with a flash of her eyes Mordred turns and looks up at her. She nods. He walks on. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest Old Merlin continues his rapid pace. [SCENE_BREAK] Camlann Aithusa screeches and flies overhead. Arthur looks up and sees her. She swoops down, everyone ducks and Aithusa blows fire over them. [SCENE_BREAK] Battlefield, Hospital tent Gaius tends to the wounded. Gwen enters. Gwen: Bandages. I need bandages. She goes to the table that has the bandages. A knight moves past. A Saxon bursts in, swinging an axe. A knight blocks his attack, misses one, gets knock in the stomach with the axe, pushed back and kicked down on a table. The Saxon raises the axe above his head for the kill. Gwen stabs him in the back, killing him. [SCENE_BREAK] Wetland Old Merlin continues on. [SCENE_BREAK] Camlann Beroun cuts through the knights. Arthur fights a Saxon, elbows him and knocks him to the ground. He dispatches another, turning into another Saxon and disposes of him as well. A group of Saxons charge at Arthur but before they can strike a blast of lightning knocks them down. Another group comes in from the other side, they get struck down as well. Arthur glances around and looks up at the top of the cliff. Arthur sees Old Merlin and they regard each other for a second. Old Merlin strikes another group of Saxons down. Morgana: Emrys! Old Merlin throws Morgana off her little cliff and she lands among the dead that are scattered. Old Merlin strikes more Saxons down. Arthur watches as they fall. Aithusa screeches and comes back to attack again. Old Merlin: ***Nun de ge dei s'eikein kai emois epe'essin hepesthai. Weas! Aithusa halts her attack and leaves. Arthur stares up at Old Merlin. Arthur turns to the knights behind and raises his sword. Arthur: For the love of Camelot! They charge after the Saxons. The Saxons retreat. [SCENE_BREAK] Battlefield, Hospital tent Gwen and Gaius are standing outside the tent watching Old Merlin. Gwen: Who is that? Gaius: Someone truly remarkable. Gwen: You know him? Gaius: Let's just say he deserves our gratitude. Gwen looks up at Old Merlin until he leaves. She goes back in the tent. Old Merlin walks across the ground looking at the bodies as he passes. Arthur dispatches a Saxon and looks around. A knight raises his arm up and Arthur runs to him. Just as Arthur gets to him he dies. Mordred steps out from behind a rock and walks toward Arthur, he raises his sword...Arthur either hears him or sees his reflection in a sword on the ground. He stands and blocks the attack, he goes to stab and stops, realising it's Mordred. Mordred stabs him and withdraws the sword, fatally wounding him. Arthur goes to a knee. Mordred: You gave me no choice. Arthur finds the strength and stands thrusting his sword into Mordred. They stare at each other. Arthur thrusts the sword one more time and withdraws it. Mordred smiles at Arthur and dies. Arthur lets go of Mordred's chainmail and lets him fall. Arthur turns and starts to walk with his hand over the wound but goes down. [SCENE_BREAK] Battlefield, Hospital tent Gwen and Gaius are standing outside the tent watching Old Merlin. Gwen is helping tend to the wounded. Leon enters and sees Gwen. Leon: My lady. The battle is won. The Saxons are in full retreat. They're making for the hills. I've dispatched 200 men to drive our advantage home. Gwen goes to him. Gwen: And Arthur? Leon: We'll keep looking. Gwen: Thank you. She turns away, puts a hand to head and the other hand on the table. Leon looks on but doesn't know what to do. Gwen gets a hold of herself. Gwen: Oh, I'll need some fresh water. The knight nods and leaves to get the water. She rolls up her sleeves. She goes back to the knight she was helping. Leon leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Camlann Old Merlin continues his search for Arthur. He sees him sitting slumped over on a rock. He drops his staff and goes to Arthur. He feels for a pulse. He puts Arthur's arm over his shoulder and pulls him up. Old Merlin carries Arthur off the battlefield. Arthur still has a hold of Excalibur. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest Arthur wakes up. Merlin is himself again. He's sitting on the other side of the campfire with his back to Arthur. Arthur: Merlin. Merlin gets up and goes to him. Merlin: How are you feeling? Arthur tries to move into a sitting position. But the pain is too much. Arthur: Ah, ah! He grabs Merlin's shoulder. Merlin puts a hand on Arthur's shoulder, and then grabs his arm. Merlin: Lie back. Lie back. Arthur: Where... Where have you been? Merlin: It doesn't matter now. Arthur: Ah, my side...my side. Merlin glances at the wound. Merlin: You are bleeding. Arthur: That's all right. I thought I was dying. Merlin: I'm sorry. I thought I'd defied the prophecy. I thought I was in time. Arthur: What are you talking about? Merlin: I'd defeated the Saxons... the dragon, and yet... And yet I knew it was Mordred that I must stop. Arthur pats Merlin on the shoulder. Arthur: The person who defeated them was the sorcerer. Merlin: It was me. Merlin grips Arthur's wrist as he sobs. Arthur: Don't be ridiculous, Merlin. He looks back at Merlin. Arthur: This is stupid. Why... why would you say that? Merlin: I'm a... (Merlin stops cause of how bad he crying. He points to himself.) I'm a sorcerer. I have magic. And I use it for you, Arthur. Only for you. Arthur: Merlin, you are not a sorcerer. I would know! Merlin: Look. Here... (Merlin turns his head toward the fire and raises his hand. Arthur raises his head.) *** Upastige draca! An animated dragon forms from the flames. Merlin looks back at Arthur. Arthur isn't quite sure how to act. Arthur: Hmm... Leave me. Merlin: Arthur... Arthur: No. Just...you heard! Just ... Merlin leaves. Arthur looks at Merlin Arthur: Hmm [SCENE_BREAK] King's Palace, royal chambers Gwen looks out the window. Knights move through the square. Bodies covered with sheets line the square. Leon enters. He walks to her and stops a few feet away. Leon: Three more patrols have returned from the White Mountains, my lady. There is no sign of him. Gwen: He must be somewhere! Leon: We have spoken to every villager, every man, woman, child... there has been no word. Gwen: He is out there. Leon: We will keep searching. Gwen: He is alive. I know it, I can feel it. He turns to leave as she turns around. Gwen: Who else is still unaccounted for? Leon: Gaius. Gwen: He's not been seen? Leon: Not since the battle. Leon leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest Gaius walks through the woods to Merlin and Arthur. Merlin sits at a fire next to Arthur. He stands as Gaius comes up. Arthur is asleep or pretending to be. Gaius: Any change? Merlin: No. Gaius: Let me see. Gaius goes to Arthur's side. Merlin notices the herbs that Gaius is carrying or lack of. Merlin: Is that all you got? Gaius: The hills are crawling with Saxons. Merlin: There's no yarrow, no lady's mantle? Gaius: I got comfrey. Merlin: You should've got sticklewort. There must've been sticklewort. Gaius: Merlin, why don't you water the horses. And make sure they're fed, we can't hide here for much longer. Merlin leaves. Arthur cracks his eyes open to see he's gone. He grab's Gaius's robe. Arthur: He's a sorcerer. Gaius doesn't say anything. Just looks at him. Arthur: You knew. Gaius: Arthur... he is your friend Arthur: I want him gone. Gaius: There is no need to fear him. Arthur: Have him take word to Camelot... To Guinevere. Gaius: You cannot send Merlin. I will go. Arthur: I need a physician right now, not a sorcerer. Gaius: He can do far more than me, far more than you can ever imagine. Arthur, he doesn't just have magic...there are those who say he's the greatest sorcerer ever to walk the Earth. Arthur: Merlin ?! Gaius: If you are to stand any chance of survival, you'll need Merlin to help you, not me. Arthur looks the way that Merlin went. He's trying to process all this information. Merlin is feeding Gaius's horse from his hand. He strokes its nose as Gaius walks up. Merlin hears Gaius and turns towards him. Merlin: Gaius ? Gaius: There's a fragment of sword embedded in his chest. Merlin: Then we'll use magic to draw to it out. Gaius: No, the blade that struck Arthur is no ordinary blade. I fear it was forged in a dragon's breath. Its fatal power will not be easily denied. Merlin: Aithusa. Gaius: The blade's point is travelling inexorably towards his heart. Not even you could hope to thwart such magic. It would take a power as ancient as the dragons themselves. Merlin: No. There must be something that we can do, Gaius. Gaius: Only the Sidhe possess such magic. In the midst of the Lake Of Avalon there is an ancient isle. That is the source of their power. You must take him there. Merlin: He won't allow that. Gaius: He will. I spoke to him. [SCENE_BREAK] Hillside There is a pile of rocks. A blade is driven into the ground, there is a piece missing. A tearful Morgana stands next to the grave of Mordred. Morgana: The battle is not over, Mordred. We will have our revenge. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest Merlin walks up to Arthur. Merlin: Arthur? (Arthur turns his head toward him.) We need to leave at first light. Arthur: I'll decide. Merlin: I can't let you die. Arthur looks up at him. Arthur: It doesn't change anything. He looks away and closes his eyes. Gaius: Let him sleep. It's late. (Merlin walks to Gaius.) You cannot travel tonight. (Merlin steps past Gaius and looks out into the forest.) You were right to tell him. Gaius leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana's Fortress Morgana sits on her throne. The door opens, Beroun and two other Saxons enter. They bow. Beroun: My lady, we've searched every valley, every gorge, every gully. The king is nowhere to be found. Morgana raise her head and shouts. Morgana: I want him dead! Beroun: We've looked... Morgana clenches her hand and her eyes glow. The Saxon to the right of Beroun falls down dead. Morgana: Find him. Beroun and the other Saxon bow and leave. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest Merlin pushes Arthur upright on his horse. Arthur takes something off from around his neck. Arthur: Gaius... Gaius walks up to Arthur as Merlin walks away. Arthur: Give this to Guinevere. He places the necklace in Gaius's hand. Gaius: It's the Royal Seal, sire. Arthur: If I am to die, I can think of no one who I would rather succeed me. Gaius places his other hand on top of Arthur's, nods and walks to Merlin. Merlin: You know I was betrayed. The girl, Eira cannot be trusted. Gaius: I know. Merlin: How long does he have? Gaius: At best, two days. Merlin walks around Gaius and back to Arthur. Gaius: Merlin. (Merlin turns back and goes to hug Gaius.) I'll have your favourite meal waiting for you. Now go. Look after him. Go. Gaius backs away. Merlin takes the reins of Arthur's horse and grabs his horse and walks away. He looks back at Gaius one last time. [SCENE_BREAK] King's Palace, royal chambers Gwen sees Gaius ride into the Main Square. She leaves to meet him. [SCENE_BREAK] King's Palace, Griffin staircase Gaius walks up the stairs with Gwaine. Gwen comes down the stairs and meets them. Gwen: Gaius. Gaius: My lady. Gwen: Tell me! Gaius: He's alive. Gwen gasps of relief. Gwaine: Then why isn't he with you? Gaius: He's wounded. (He holds out the Royal Seal.) He wanted me to give you this, my lady. Gwen takes it. Gwen: Where is he? Gaius: There is a place where he may be saved. Merlin is taking him there as we speak. Gwen: Well then we must send the knights. Ready as many men as you can... Gaius: No, my lady! Merlin can cope by himself. Gwen: Merlin ? Gaius: You must trust him. Gwen: (Outburst.) How can one man be as strong as an army? Gaius: Morgana's forces are still searching for Arthur. Two men travelling alone stand a much better chance of evading her, especially if she has no idea where they're heading. He looks at Gwaine. Gwaine seems a little uneasy. Gwen glances at Gwaine. [SCENE_BREAK] King's Palace Gwaine is looking out of a window as Eira walks up to him. Eira: Hey. What is it? Tell me. Gwaine: I, can't. Eira: Why not? Is it the King? What's happened to him? Gwaine? Is he dead? Gwaine: No. Eira: How do you know? Where is he? Gwaine? Don't you trust me? Gwaine: I do. Eira: Then tell me. [SCENE_BREAK] Open landscape Merlin and Arthur ride along. Merlin sees two men galloping their way. Merlin: Saxons. He dismounts and unties his blanket from the back of his saddle. He throws it over Arthur to cover his armour. Merlin: I'll deal with them. Keep your head down. Don't speak. Arthur grabs the edges of the blanket and pulls it around his face. Merlin steps away from Arthur and looks around. He makes fake smoke appear in the trees ahead with a flash of his eyes. Then turns to the Saxons as they come galloping up. Merlin: Help us! Please you have to help us. We were ambushed. The Saxons dismount and walk towards him. Beroun: By who? Merlin: These two men. Beroun: What did they look like? Merlin: Um...One was... a knight. (He glances over his shoulder and notices that Excalibur's hilt can be seen.) They stormed our camp. He points to the smoke.The Saxons take a few steps to look at the smoke rising from the forest. Merlin goes and covers the hilt of the sword. The Saxons turn back around. Beroun: You're sure it was a Camelot knight? Merlin: Yeah. Beroun pushes Merlin back as he walks forward. He pulls the blanket off of Arthur. The Saxons draw their swords. Merlin raises his hands and throws the Saxons with a flash of his eyes. Arthur watches. Arthur: You've lied to me all this time. Merlin doesn't say anything. [SCENE_BREAK] Campsite Merlin is trying to light a fire using flints. Arthur watches as he fails to light it. Arthur: Why don't you use magic? Merlin: Habit, I suppose. Merlin turns to look at Arthur. Merlin starts a fire with a flash of his eyes. Merlin: Feels strange. Arthur: Yeah. Merlin gets up and walks to the bags. Arthur: I thought I knew you. Merlin unrolls his blanket. Merlin: I'm still the same person. Arthur: I trusted you. Merlin: I'm sorry. Arthur: I'm sorry too. Merlin walks to Arthur and takes his boots off. Arthur: What are you doing? Merlin: They need drying. Merlin sets the boots by the fire and goes to his blanket. [SCENE_BREAK] King's Palace Corridor Eira walks down a corridor carrying a basket. She goes to a room, sets the basket on table and pulls the blanket back. She reaches in and pulls out a crow. She releases it out the window. Gwaine walks up behind her. Gwaine: Eira. Eira jumps and steps back. Eira:I... I was just... Gwaine: Sending word to Morgana? Eira: No! Gwen walks up. Eira looks at her. Eira: My lady! I wouldn't do that, I wouldn't betray you or the king. Gwen: And you didn't, you can go to your death safe in that knowledge. Your note will send your mistress riding for Brineved and all the while the king will be travelling in the opposite direction. Guards! A guard goes in the room, grabs Eira's arm and pushes her out the room. The other guard grabs her other arm and they lead her away. Eira: Gwaine... Gwaine! Gwaine, please ! Gaius stands in the background. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest Merlin supports Arthur's head and tries to get him to eat something. Merlin: This will be good for you. You need to eat. Arthur: Why are you doing this? (Merlin places the spoon back in the bowl.) Why are you still behaving like a servant? Merlin sets the bowl down. Merlin: It's my destiny. As it has been since the day we met. Arthur: I tried to take your head off with a mace. Merlin: And I stopped you, using magic. Arthur: You cheated! Merlin: Yeah. You were going to kill me. Arthur: I should've. Merlin: I'm glad you didn't. I do this because of who you are. Without you, Camelot's nothing. Arthur: There was a time when that was true. Not now. There are many who can fill the crown. Merlin: There will never be another like you, Arthur. Now, I also do this... (He sets the bowl on his knee, supports Arthur's head and gets him to take a bite) because you're my friend and I don't want to lose you. [SCENE_BREAK] King's Palace, Throne Hall Gwen is looking out the window. Gaius walks in. She turns around when she hears him. Gaius: You called for me, my lady. Gwen: I want to thank you, Gaius. Gaius: What for? Gwen: Unmasking Eira. I shall forever be in your debt, and Merlin's. Was it he that found Arthur? Gaius: He's a good servant. Gwen: He's always been there at Arthur's side. Gaius: Indeed. Gwen walks toward him. Gwen: The sorcerer in the battle. You knew who he was. Gaius: Yes. Gwen: Do I know him? Please Gaius, answer me honestly. Gaius: Yes... He'll take good care of Arthur. Gwen: Yes, I'm sure he will. I'm pleased. Gaius bows and leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana's Fortress The crow that Eira sent arrives. Morgana is standing with some of the Saxons. She walks toward it. The crow hops to her. Morgana takes the note off its leg, reads it and smiles. [SCENE_BREAK] King's Palace, Main Square Eira is escorted out to be hung. Gwen watches from the balcony. Gwaine is standing in a corridor watching through a window. Percival walks up behind him and puts a hand on his shoulder. Gwaine: You know what you said you'd do if you ever found Morgana? Percival looks at Gwaine. Gwaine: Well, we've got a good idea where she'll be heading. Gwaine and Percival race through a forest. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest Arthur is sitting on tree about to fall over. Merlin is getting a water skin from his saddlebag. He turns to see Arthur slump over. Merlin: Arthur, you need to hold on. One more day. (Merlin helps him.) One more day. Merlin wipes Arthur's head with a cloth. Puts the cloth away and starts to take the cap off the water skin. Arthur: Why did you never tell me? Merlin: I wanted to, but... Arthur: What? Merlin: You'd have chopped my head off. Merlin gives Arthur a drink of water. Arthur: I'm not sure what I would've done. Merlin: And I didn't want to put you in that position. Arthur looks at Merlin. Arthur: That's what worried you? Merlin: Some men are born to plough fields. Some live to be great physicians, others to be great kings. Me... I was born to serve you, Arthur. And I'm proud of that. And I wouldn't change a thing. (Arthur stares at Merlin.) Ready? Merlin puts Arthur's arm over his shoulders and helps him up. [SCENE_BREAK] Creepy Forest A small group of Saxons and Morgana walk along a path in a forest. Gwaine and Percival hide behind a tree overhead, watching them. Morgana: Position lookouts for the king's approach. The Saxons move out. Percival up behind one, throws his arm around the guy's head putting him in a sleeper hold. Once the guy has passed out Percival lays him down. Gwaine comes up on one but the guy hears him. They cross swords but Gwaine cuts him down. Two Saxons come up on the guy Percival attacked. The second guy attacks Percival, they cross swords, Percival knocks him to the ground. Gwaine comes up as the other guy is about to swing and they cross swords. Each cut down a man. They go after Morgana. Gwaine catches up to her. She hears him and stops and glances over her shoulder. As Morgana starts to walk to him Percival jumps out through two trees with a dagger, he grabs her and stabs her in the side. With his back turn, Morgana throws him and then Gwaine with a flash of her eyes and hand motions. They are both rendered unconscious. Morgana: Did you really think you could outwit me? [SCENE_BREAK] Forest Merlin leads the way. He holds up his hand, Arthur stops. They see smoke up ahead. Arthur: Saxons? Merlin uses magic to 'see' the way to the fire. It's an old smouldering fire and no one is there. Merlin: They're long gone. Arthur: How do you know? Merlin: I can 'see' the path ahead. Arthur: So you're not an idiot. That was another lie. Merlin: No, it's just another part of my charm. [SCENE_BREAK] Creepy Forest Gwaine comes around and sees that he is tied between two trees. Morgana is standing before him with a box. Morgana: Tell me where the kng is. Gwaine: I'd rather die. Morgana: Then you shall have your wish.. once you've told me. (She kneels down.) Not even you Sir Knight, can resist the charms of the Nathair. Morgana opens the box and a small black snake raise up, hissing. Gwaine struggle against his bonds. Percival come around. He is tied to two huge trees with the rope wrapped around wrists several times. He tests the ropes. Gwaine screams in the distance. Gwaine: Stop! Percival grabs a hold of the ropes with his hands and pulls, his face turning red with effort. The ropes break and he falls to his knees. He gets up. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest Merlin and Arthur walk along. Merlin hears Saxons up ahead and holds his hand up. Arthur glances up. Merlin: In there. They turn to their right and hide in a secluded area off the path. Three Saxons on horseback come up the path. Arthur leans against a tree. Merlin watches from behind one. He sees a print that they left behind. Merlin: *** Andslyht! A small wind blows leaves across the print. The Saxons stop and look around. Merlin makes the bushes rustle to the right of the Saxons with a flash of his eyes. Saxon: This way. The Saxons leave. Arthur: You've done this before. (Merlin glances at Arthur then back to watch the Saxons). All these years, Merlin...You never once sought any credit. Merlin: It's not why I do it. Come on. Merlin puts Arthur's arm over his shoulders and helps away. [SCENE_BREAK] Creepy forest Percival walks up to Gwaine who is slumped over. Percival lifts Gwaine's head up. Gwaine: She's riding for Avalon. Percival: Gwaine. Gwaine: I failed. Percival: No. You haven't. (Gwaine slowly dies.) Gwaine! Gwaine! [SCENE_BREAK] Forest Merlin and Arthur ride along. Merlin looks back and Arthur is slumped over the side of his horse. Merlin: Arthur! Merlin dismounts and goes to Arthur. He straightens him up. Arthur: I can't go on. Merlin: There's not far to go. We need to reach the lake before dawn. Arthur: No, Merlin. No. Merlin: All right. We rest for an hour. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana races through the trees. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest There's a fire going. Arthur is sitting against a log. Merlin gives Arthur some water. Arthur: Merlin... whatever happens... Merlin: Shh...Don't talk. Arthur: I'm the King, Merlin. You can't tell me what to do. Merlin: I always have. I'm not going to change now. Arthur: I don't want you to change. I want you...to always...be you. I'm sorry about how I treated you. Merlin: Hey! Does that mean you're gonna give me a day off? Arthur: Two. Merlin: That's generous. (Arthur's head lolls and goes down. Merlin checks his pulse.) Get some sleep. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana continues on. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin glances up at the moon. He goes to Arthur and wakes him up. Merlin: Arthur. We need to get moving. (Arthur barely moves and Merlin shakes him.) Arthur! We've wasted enough time. [SCENE_BREAK] Percival dismounts from his horse and looks at the tracks Morgana left. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin and Arthur continue on. They stop again and Merlin helps Arthur forward to a log and sits him down. Avalon is in the distance. Merlin: Avalon. We'll get there. Something spooks the horses and they whinny. Merlin: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Horses flee and Morgana comes up. Morgana: Hello, Emrys. Merlin goes to turn around. Morgana throws him with a flash of her eyes. Arthur tries to reach for his sword. Thinking that Merlin is unconscious she turns to Arthur. Morgana: What a joy it is to see you, Arthur. Look at you, not so tall and mighty now. You may have won the battle, but you've lost the war. You're going to die by Mordred's hand. But don't worry, my dear brother, I won't let you die alone. I will stay and watch over you, (Merlin is behind Morgana. He draws Excalibur quietly.) ... until the wolves gorge on your carcass and bathe in your blood. Merlin: No, the time for all this bloodshed is over. (Morgana turns, stands and faces him) I blame myself for what you've become...but this has to end. Morgana: I am a high priestess. No mortal blade can kill me. Merlin stabs her and she starts to feel the effect of the blade. Arthur looks on. Merlin: This is no mortal blade. Like yours, it was forged in a dragon's breath. Merlin holds Morgana as she dies. He lowers her to the ground and withdraws the sword. Merlin: Goodbye, Morgana. She takes her final breath.Merlin goes to Arthur and helps him up. Arthur: You've brought peace at last. Merlin: Come on. Merlin supports Arthur as they walk. Arthur is dragging Excalibur. Merlin: Come on. We have to make it to the lake. Arthur drops to the ground landing on Merlin. Arthur: Merlin...not without the horses. We can't, it's too late. It's too late. Merlin: No. Arthur: All your magic, Merlin, can't save my life. Merlin: I can. I'm not going to lose you. Merlin struggles to stand to help Arthur. Arthur pats his hand. Arthur: Just... just... just hold me. Please. Merlin stops trying to get up. Arthur: There's... there's... something I want to say.. Merlin: You're not going to say goodbye. Arthur: No, Merlin...Everything you've done. I know now. For me, for Camelot... For the kingdom you helped me build... Merlin: You'd have done it without me. Arthur: Maybe... I want to say...something I've never said to you before... (Arthur turns his head more and looks at Merlin.) Thank you. Arthur reaches up and touches Merlin on the back of the head. His hand falls. Merlin: Arthur...No ! Arthur! (He feels his pulse). Arthur! Arthur. Come on. (Merlin tries to move Arthur but can't.) Arthur! Merlin: ***O drakon! E male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes! Merlin manages to get out from underneath Arthur. He presses his forehead against Arthur's. Kilgharrah arrives. Merlin: Kilgharrah. I would not have summoned you, if there was any other choice. I have one last favour to ask. Kilgharrah takes them to the lake. Merlin is dragging Arthur toward a small boat. Kilgharrah: Merlin. There is nothing you can do. Merlin: I've failed? Kilgharrah: No, young warlock, for all that you have dreamt of building, has come to pass. Merlin: I can't lose him! He's my friend! Kilgharrah: Though no man, no matter how great, can know his destiny, some lives have been foretold, Merlin... Arthur is not just a king, he is the once andfuture King. Take heart, for when Albion's need is greatest, Arthur will rise again. It has been a privilege to have known you, young warlock, the story we have been a part of... will live long in the minds of men. Kilgharrah flies off. Merlin watches. He then lowers Arthur to the ground. Merlin stares out over the lake, holding Excalibur. He looks down at the sword, and then raises it up in front of him looking at it. Merlin then throws Excalibur into the lake and it is caught by Freya's hand and drawn back under the water while he watches resignedly. Arthur is laid in a boat, his cloak arranged and his hands folded over his chest. Merlin places a hand on Arthur's forehead. Merlin breaks down. Merlin: Arthur. ***In sibbe gerest. The boat sets off on the lake. Merlin watches, weeping. [SCENE_BREAK] King's Palace - Throne Hall Gwen sits on the throne, looking at the Royal Seal. Leon stands beside her. She lifts her head, looks at him and gives a slight nod. The knights, the council and the court members. Percival looks up. Leon: The King is dead. Gaius and Gwen share a glance. Gwen looks back at Leon. Leon: Long live the Queen! All: Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen! Gwen looks at everyone standing before her. [SCENE_BREAK] Modern day The pillar of stone that was the centre of the Sidhe powers still stands but not like it did before. A lorry rushes by, and an aged Merlin is seen walking on the road along what was once the lake of Avalon.

Emrys arrives at Camlann, and uses his magic to knock Morgana unconscious, order Aithusa to leave, and strike down many of Morgana's men. The battle culminates in Mordred dealing Arthur a fatal wound, only to receive one in return. While tending to Arthur, Merlin confesses that he is a sorcerer. Arthur's only chance of survival is the powers of the Sidhe (pronounced "Shee") of Avalon, so Merlin sets out to reach the lake. In Camelot, Morgana's spy is discovered by Guinevere, Gaius and Gwaine and she is hanged, leading Gwaine, along with Percival, to hunt down Morgana. However, she overpowers them and magically tortures Gwaine into confessing Arthur's whereabouts; Gwaine dies shortly afterwards in Percival's arms. Morgana catches up with Merlin and Arthur and drives their horses away, but she is killed by Merlin wielding Excalibur. Without horses, Merlin cannot get Arthur to the Isle in time, and the King of Camelot dies in Merlin's arms, after thanking his friend for everything he has done. Merlin beseeches the Great Dragon to carry Arthur's body to the Isle, and the Dragon does so. As Merlin desperately tries to drag Arthur's body to the lake, the Great Dragon tells Merlin he has succeeded, and that as the Once and Future King, Arthur will rise again in Albion's greatest hour of need. As the Dragon departs, Merlin flings Excalibur into the waters of Avalon and sends Arthur's body after it. Guinevere ascends the throne of Camelot. In the present day, it seems an immortal Merlin still waits for the Once and Future King to rise again.

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[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is balancing a mini hockey stick on his hand as Chandler enters from his room carrying a bunch of bills.] Chandler: (watches Joey for a moment) Okay! (Joey quickly moves the hockey stick so that he's scratching his back with it.) Listen, I'm gonna be moving out so you will be in charge of paying the rent. Joey: Right! And when is that due? Chandler: First of the month. Joey: And that's every month? Chandler: No, just the months you actually want to live here. Joey: Ahhh. Chandler: Okay, here is the phone bill. (Hands it to Joey.) Joey: (looking at it) Oh my God!! Chandler: That's our phone number. Now look, I know I kinda sprung this whole me moving out on thing, so why don't I just-why don't I just cover you for a while? Joey: No-no! No way! Joey Tribbiani does not take charity...anymore. Chandler: It's not charity, Joe... Joey: No! Forget it! Okay-I mean thanks, but I'm done taking money from you. All right, I can take of myself. Now, what's next? Come on. Chandler: Okay uh, here's the electric bill. (Hands it to him.) Joey: This is how much we pay for electric?!!! Chandler: Uh, yeah. (Joey runs over and shuts off the lights.) Chandler: So, we'll do the rest of the bills later then? Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is talking to Phoebe about trying to give Joey some money.] Phoebe: So is Joey going to have to give up the apartment? Chandler: No, I hope not! I tried to offer him some money, but he wouldn't take it. Phoebe: Well, how much do you think he needs? Chandler: I figure that $1,500 would cover him for a few months, y'know? But I have to trick him into taking it so I won't hurt his pride. Phoebe: Why don't you hire him as an actor? You could have him dress up and put on little skits. Whatever you want. Chandler: Well that would help the pride thing. Monica: (entering from her room) Hey! Chandler: Hey! Wow! You look great! Wanna move in with me tomorrow? Monica: (thinks) Okay. Chandler: Okay! (They kiss) So, what do you girls have planned for tonight? Monica: Well, instead of being sad that tonight is my last night together with Rachel we thought we'd go out to dinner and celebrate the fact that Rachel is moving in with Phoebe. Phoebe: And also, my birthday. Monica: It's not your birthday. Phoebe: What a mean thing to say! I would never tell you it's not your birthday! (Joey and Ross enter.) Joey: Hey! Ross: Hey! Chandler: Hey! Phoebe: Hey! So you guys have anything planned for the big last night? Chandler: Well, instead of just hanging out, we figure we'd do nothing. Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Knicks season opener tonight. I thought maybe you guys would come over and watch it. Joey: I don't know Ross, not if you're gonna talk about how you gave up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist. Ross: I did give up a career in basketball to become a paleontologist! Rachel: (entering from her room) Pheebs, I was wondering... Monica: You're not dressed yet?! We're supposed to start having fun in 15 minutes! Rachel: Well and clearly not a minute sooner. Monica: Rachel, you are packed though right, I mean please tell me that you're packed. Rachel: Of course I packed! Monica relax! I just wanted to ask Phoebe her opinion on what I should wear tonight. Phoebe: My God, I can't get a minute of peace around this place. [Cut to Rachel's bedroom, Phoebe and her are entering. And it's obvious that she's not packed.] Phoebe: Oh my God! Monica's just gonna kill you. Rachel: Yeah, yeah, I know. Phoebe: Well, what you're wearing is fine for that. Monica: (entering) Rachel, I need to borrow-You're not packed!!!! You're not packed even a little bit! Rachel: Surprise!! Monica: What? Rachel: No, no don't get mad because look-this is what happened. So I-I started packing, then I realized, "What am I doing? I am lousy at packing!" Right? But you love packing! So, as a gift to you, on our last night, ta-da! Monica: (grabs a bag of those Styrofoam peanuts) I'll be coordinator! Oh my God! I'm so sorry, I didn't get you anything! Okay, look everybody has to help! Okay? You can help, can't you Phoebe? Phoebe: I have plans. Monica: You're plans were with us. Phoebe: That's right. Monica: All right, Chandler can make boxes, Ross can wrap, and Joey can lift things. Now Phoebe, go tell the guys they have to help out! Phoebe: Okay. Monica: Okay! (To Rachel) Oh my God, thank you!! [Cut to living room, Phoebe enters and closes Rachel's door behind her.] Phoebe: Hurry! Monica's gonna make you pack! She's got jobs for everyone! Now, it's too late for me, but save your selves! (The guys scramble for the door.) Monica: (entering and interrupting the guy's escape attempt) Okay! The movers will be here in 11 hours. Rachel has not packed. Now, everybody has to help! Chandler, we're gonna start with... Chandler: Oh nope, I-I have plans with Joey. Monica: I thought you said you were going to do nothing. Chandler: Yes, but for the last time. Monica: Okay fine, now Ross... Ross: Oh, but-but I can't do it. Monica: Why not? Joey: (quietly) I've got Ben. Ross: Because, because I've got Ben. Monica: It's almost 8 o'clock, it's almost past his bedtime. Where-where is he? Chandler: He's at a dinner party. Monica: Is he really coming? Because I can see right into your apartment! Ross: Of course he is! What, do you think I'd just use my son as-as an excuse? What kind of father do you think I am? Monica: All right, sorry. (Goes back to Rachel's room.) Ross: (to the guys) I gotta go make a fake Ben. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is entering carrying two pizzas.] Joey: Here it is! Our last pizzas together as roommates. Chandler: Oh, I wish I'd know you were going to do that, I ordered Chinese. Joey: Oh that's okay. Hey, actually in a way it's kinda nice. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors, you, the food of yours! (Chandler stares at him, dumbfounded, then finally agrees.) Chandler: Say, Joe, I had a strange idea of what we could do for our last night. What do you say we play a little uh, foosball for money? Joey: What, are you crazy? You haven't beaten me once since my injury plagued '97 season. It would be easier if you just give me your money. Chandler: Yes it would. What do you say to $50? Joey: Okay, you're on. Chandler: Okay, let's play! The big game, Italy vs. China, apparently. (They start playing.) [Scene: Rachel's bedroom, she's in her closet bringing down her pair of roller blades from a top shelf.] Rachel: Ohhhhhh, look it's the roller blades. Monica: (starting to cry) Oh God! Rachel: You remember when we got these? Monica: No. Rachel: I guess you weren't there. (They hug.) Phoebe: You guys, we said we were gonna have fun! Come on, hey, remember the time... (She starts laughing hysterically.) You don't remember? Rachel: I'm sorry Pheebs, I guess I'm just really said that I'm leaving. Monica: I'm gonna miss you so much. Phoebe: Well, this doesn't have to be so sad though. Y'know? Maybe instead of just thinking about how much you're gonna miss each other, you should like think of the things you're not gonna miss. Monica: I don't think there's anything. Phoebe: Come on, there's gotta be something. Monica: Nope, she's perfect. Rachel: I have one. Phoebe: Good! Great! You can go first. Rachel: Uh well, I guess I'm not gonna miss the fact that you're never allowed to move the phone pen. (Laughs. Monica lags behind the laugh a little bit.) Phoebe: Good that's a good one. Okay, Monica, anything? Y'know? Does Rachel move the phone pen? Monica: Aw, sometimes. Always, actually. Phoebe: Okay, good. There you go. Doesn't anyone feel better? Monica: Not just the phone pen. I never get my messages. Rachel: You get your messages! Monica: Yeah, well I don't think it really counts if you have to read them off the back of your hand after you fall asleep on the couch. Rachel: So-so, you missed a message from who? Chandler or your mom? Or Chandler? Or your mom? Phoebe: Great! It worked! No one's sad. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, they are just finishing up another game of foosball.] Joey: (scores) Yes! I win again! Ha-ha! That's like 500 bucks you owe me! Whoo-ho-hoo! (Goes over to the fridge and starts opening and closing the door rapidly.) $500 that is a loooot of electricity! (By the way, there's nothing in the fridge.) Whoo-ho-ho! (Notices the sparseness of the fridge.) I gotta buy some food. Chandler: Okay, give me a chance to win my money back. Okay? Sudden death, one goal, $1,000. Joey: You serious? Chandler: Oh yes! Joey: Okay, get ready to owe me! Chandler: Okay. Joey: Okay, here we go. Ready? [In slow motion, as some haunty demonic music plays in the background, Joey throws the ball in, Chandler quits playing and goes for his Chinese food. Joey smacks the ball really hard, shooting it down the table. Chandler slowly takes a bite, the ball bounces off of the wall, heads back up the table, and scores the goal for Chandler.] Chandler: No! No! No! No-(Joey looks at him)-one can beat me. (In frustration, Joey kicks the table, breaking it.) Chandler: See? Now, that's why only the little fake men are supposed to do all the kicking. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the phone rings and Monica answers it as Rachel and Phoebe move a box into the living room.] Monica: Hello? (Listens) Oh, hi Ross! (To Rachel) See? Other people call me! Rachel: Ooh, your brother. Score! Monica: (on phone) What's up? Ross: Oh, I'm just over here with Ben. I thought we'd say hi. Monica: Oh, put him on! Ross: Ben, say hi to Aunt Monica. (He holds the phone to the fake Ben he has created out of a pumpkin.) Oh, I guess he doesn't feel like talking right now. He's smiling though! Okay, talk to you later. [Scene: Rachel's bedroom, Rachel is entering carrying two glasses of wine. She gives one to Phoebe, keeps one, and completely ignores Monica.] Phoebe: Yeah, I think it was better when you guys were sad. Hey, uh, remember the roller blades? Rachel: You know what else I'm not gonna miss? "I'm Monica. I wash the toilet 17 times a day. Even if people are on it!" Monica: "Hi I'm Rachel, is my sweater too tight? No? Oh, I'd better wash it and shrink it!" Rachel: "I'm Monica, I don't get phone messages from interesting people. Ever!" Phoebe: Hey! I call her! Monica: "Oh my God, I love Ross! I hate Ross! I love Ross! I hate Ross!" Rachel: "Oh my God, I can't find a boyfriend! So I guess I'll just stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find in there!" (Monica picks up one of those boxes of hair curling things, dumps it in a box, and storms out.) Phoebe: Yeah, we should get a move on if we wanna make those dinner reservations. (Phoebe dumps a drawer full of makeup into a box.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is examining the broken foosball table as Chandler enters from his room.] Chandler: Still broken? Joey: This sucks man! The last night you're here and I lose the two most important things in my life, the foosball table and $500. Chandler: Well, there are other ways of winning back your money, how about a little uh, a little Blackjack? (Holds up a deck of cards.) Joey: Nah, not my game. Chandler: Okay, uh, how about, how about-y'know what? We could play a new game. A new game, it's fun. Joey: Well, what's it called? Chandler: Cups. Joey: I don't know how to play Cups. Chandler: I'll teach ya! Come on, come on, it's really easy and really, really fun. Joey: All right. Chandler: Okay, here you go. (He deals out two cards each.) I have two queens, what do you have? Joey: A two and a five. Chandler: Ho-ho, you win! 50 dollars! Joey: Really?! Chandler: Oh yeah! Okay, let's play again. (He deals out two cards each again.) What do you got? Joey: A four and a nine. Chandler: You're kidding right? Joey: No. Why? Chandler: Well that's a full cup! (Pays him again.) Joey: Damn! I am good at Cups! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is whining to Phoebe about Rachel.] Monica: I'm not talking to her! Phoebe: Well, one of you has to take the first step! And it should be you, because she's the one who's leaving. It's harder for her! Monica: Well, maybe you're right-She made fun of my phone pen! Phoebe: I know, I took it hard too. (Monica goes into Rachel's room.) Monica: Listen Rachel, I feel really bad about-What are you doing? (She sees that Rachel is unpacking.) Rachel: I'm unpacking! Monica: What?! Rachel: I'm not moving! (She re-hangs a picture, crookedly.) Is that picture straight? Monica: It needs to go about 20 blocks to the left! Rachel: Hey, y'know what? You're the one who wants to make this big change and move in with Chandler! You should be the one to go! Why should I have to leave?! Monica: Because it's my apartment! Rachel: Well it's mine too! What else you got?! Monica: How about, you're moving!! (Grabs a bunch of clothes and throws them into a box. What follows is a brief sequence of Rachel unpacking and Monica packing the same stuff over and over again as Rachel chants "No." and Monica chants "Yes.") Rachel: Look! This is ridiculous. We should be packing you!! (She knocks over Monica, grabs a box, and runs into the kitchen.) Phoebe: Hey, how are you guys doing? Rachel: Great! Monica's moving! Monica: (entering) I am not! Rachel: Oh really?! Then how come all your stuff is in this box?! (Monica starts chasing Rachel around the table.) Phoebe: Okay, you guys. You guys I think I know what's going on here. Okay, you guys... STOP!! (They stop.) I know that, I know that you're acting mad because you think that it'll make it easier to leave. But deep down you're still really sad. Deep-deep down. Monica: No Phoebe I am mad! Phoebe: Well, deep-deep-deep down! Rachel: Yeah, I'm just mad! Phoebe: Then keep running. (They resume the chase.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, they're still playing Cups.] Chandler: You win. Joey: Well, what did you have? Chandler: It doesn't matter because nothing beats a three and a six. That my friend is D-Cup. Okay, now much have you won so far? Joey: Uh, (counts the money) wow, 700. Chandler: Not 700 exactly? Joey: Yeah. Chandler: Double it! (He does.) Joey: What? Chandler: Well you see in Cups, once you get $700, you have to double it. Joey: Really? Chandler: Hey, I didn't make up the rules. Now, after you receive the doubling bonus, you get uh, one card. Now that one card could be worth $100 bringing your total to 1,500. (Joey gets excited.) Don't get to excited because that's not gonna happen unless you get-No way! (He takes the top card, which is the two of clubs. Of course, any card would've won. Chandler pays him.) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica carries a box out of Rachel's room.] Monica: Well, this is the last box of your clothes. I'm just gonna label it, "What were you thinking?" Rachel: Funny, because I was just gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler. Phoebe: Hey you guys, I don't mean to make things worse, but umm, I don't want to live with Rachel anymore. Monica and Rachel: What?! Phoebe: You're just so mean to each other! And I don't want to end up like that with Rachel. I still like you! Rachel: Well, Phoebe that's fine because I'm not moving. Monica: Whoa-whoa-whoa, Phoebe you gotta take her! Y'know I-I-I said some really bad stuff about her, but y'know Rachel has some good qualities that make her a good roommate. Rachel: Oh really? Like what Monica? Monica: Y'know she has 147,000 pairs of boots... Rachel: Oh yeah, good start Mon. Monica: She lets you borrow them. Rachel: Yeah and you stretch 'em out with your big old clown feet. Monica: Do you wanna live outside?! Because it's gettin' cold! (To Phoebe) She gets tons of catalogs and umm, she'll fold down the pages of the things she thinks that I'd like. Phoebe: What else? Monica: When I take a shower, she leaves me little notes on the mirror. Rachel: Yeah, I do. I-I do, do that. Phoebe: That's nice. I like having things to read in the bathroom. Monica: When I fall asleep on the couch after reading, she covers me over with a blanket. Rachel: Well y'know, I don't want you to be cold. Monica: And when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler, she was really supportive. (To Rachel) (Starts to cry) You were so great. You made it so easy. And now you have to leave. And I have to live with a boy!! (They both break down in tears.) Rachel: Oh, it's gonna be fine. Phoebe: Okay Rachel, I can't wait to live with you! And you know what we should do? Bring Monica and then we could all live there together! We'll have so much fun!! Rachel: But honey, I think she's moving in with Chandler. Phoebe: Oh that's right. You're still set on that? Monica: Kinda. (She hugs Phoebe and looks out the window. She moves closer to it to get a better look.) Oh my God! [Cut to Ross's apartment, he's watching TV and eating some popcorn as the phone rings.] Ross: (answering the phone) Hello? (Listens) Hey Mon, how's the packing going? (Listens) Ben? He's fine. Yeah, he's right-Oh my God! (He looks over at the fake Ben and notices that the head has fallen off.) Get your head of your shirt there son! (He tries to push the pumpkin through the neck hole.) What? (Listens) Yeah, it's a pumpkin. I'll come pack. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, (Ohh, that's the last time I'm ever gonna type that line. It's just so sad.) Joey is entering, angrily.] Joey: Hey! Chandler: What's wrong? Joey: Ross and I were helping the girls pack, took a little break, I lost $1,500 to him in Cups! Chandler: Wh-How did you lose at Cups?! Joey: The same way you lost. I started out with a King and a Queen, bamn! Ross gets a 2 and a 3. Then I get a Jack and a King, boom! Ross gets a 4 and a 5! Ross was getting the Cup card, the D-Cup, the Sittin' Down Bonus! Meanwhile, I didn't even get half a cup! Nothin'!! Chandler: Oh man!! Joey: And he never played before either! Y'know what I think? I think beginner's luck, very important in Cups. Chandler: All right, let's play one more hand! One more! Joey: No, no, no more! I cannot lose another dime! I'm serious this time! In-in fact, look, there's a-I wanna give you something. And let me give it too you know before I pawn it for Cups money. (He rolls the big white dog over) Now, I want you to have the big white dog as a kinda of a, y'know, thank you for being such a great roommate. Chandler: I can't take the big white dog! You love it! Joey: It's him, not it! Chandler: No, but wait-what if I bought it from you, y'know? And your nice gesture would be giving it to me at a reasonable price, say (Gets choked up) $1,500? Joey: Wait a second, I see what you're trying to do here! You-you're trying to give me money again! Chandler: When did I try to give you money? Joey: Over there! (Points to the couch) Before, with the bills! You tried to give some charity, I said "No," you dropped it. Okay? Then we had a nice last night together, we had some fun, we gambled, nobody tried to give anybody any money! Now out of the blue, you start with the charity thing again! Chandler: I'm just trying to help you out! Okay? I wanna make sure that you're okay. Joey: I will be okay! Look Chandler, you gotta get it out of your head that I can't take care of myself. Okay? Look, I'm not gonna miss you helping me out with money. The only thing that I'm gonna miss...is you. And now the dog. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, (And that's the last time for that line, no more Chandler and Joey's or Monica and Rachel's, ever!) Joey and Ross are carrying the last table of Rachel's. Rachel follows slowly, but is stopped by Monica.] Monica: Hey. Call me when you get there. Okay? Rachel: Okay. Monica: I'm really gonna miss you. (They hug.) Rachel: Oh! I have your key. Here you go. (Hands it to Monica.) Monica: Thanks. Rachel: Yeah. (Silence ensues.) Rachel: Oh God! This is silly, I'm gonna see you in a couple of hours! (They hug again.) Monica: Yeah. Rachel: Bye house! (They break the embrace.) Rachel: Bye Mon. Monica: Bye. (Monica closes the door and slowly walks into Rachel's old and now empty room.) Chandler: (entering) Hey. Monica: She really left. Chandler: I know. (He kisses her.) Monica: Thank you. Chandler: No problem roomie. (She turns around and hugs him.) Monica: Can I ask you a question? Chandler: Sure! Monica: What the hell is that dog doing here?! (She notices the dog sitting in the living room.) (And with that, an era ends as Chandler moves in with Monica as Rachel moves in with Phoebe. It 'tis a sad and happy time for Friends.) Ending Credits [Scene: Ross's apartment, Chandler is trying to get Joey's money back from Ross.] Chandler: I invented the game of Cups as a way to give Joey money. Ross: And now you want that money back. Chandler: Exactly. Ross: Chandler, what kind of an idiot do you take me for? (As he picks up the fake Ben.) Chandler: It's not a real game! I made it up! Ross: I'm sorry you lost your money, but I won it fair and square. Chandler: At a fake game!! Ross: Now, if you wanna try to make some of it back, I'd be glad to play you for it. But I should warn you, I am very good at Cups. Chandler: Okay! Now I assume the Saucer card came up when you played last. Ross: No. Chandler: Hmm, let's see if it comes up this time. (He looks at his cards and shrugs.)

On the night before Chandler moves in with Monica, Chandler tries to give Joey money to make sure he has enough for his expenses. When Joey refuses, Chandler invents a game called "Cups" and 'loses' the money to Joey, only for Joey to later lose it all to Ross in the same game. Discovering Rachel has not packed, Monica and Phoebe offer to help. When the two girls get emotional, Phoebe suggests they think of the things they will not miss about each other, leading to a massive argument and Rachel refusing to leave.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x06

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x06_0

THE DALEK INVASION OF EARTH 5:40pm - 6:05pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. DALEK SAUCER. MAIN AREA CARL TYLER: Try and free the prisoners before you use those bombs. [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. DALEK SAUCER. ROBOTISATION AREA (Screened off from the main area, the operation continues.) FIRST DALEK: (OOV: over tannoy.) We are under attack! Report to main ramp. General alert! report to main ramp! (The ROBOMAN steps forward to obey the order but the DALEK LEADER stops him.) DALEK LEADER: Disregard. Commence the operation. (A piston type device in the machinery above the DOCTOR moves up and down as the transfer begins...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. REBEL HIDEOUT. MAIN ROOM (DORTMUN plays pocket chess whilst awaiting news of the attack. Others of the rebel group also wait. Two women hugging each other in comfort as they wait for news.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. DALEK SAUCER. ROBOTISATION AREA (The machinery continues to operate as the transfer continues. The ROBOMAN still stands guard. BAKER, still disguised as a robomen walks in. The real ROBOMAN approaches him, sees the helmet and collar and turns his back, apparently satisfied. BAKER takes off his helmet and grabs the ROBOMAN round the throat. The ROBOMAN throws him over his shoulder, but before he can takes any further action, CARL TYLER runs in and knifes the ROBOMAN in the back. He falls to the ground with a cry. CARL TYLER: Get that man off there. (BAKER gets off the floor and runs to the DOCTOR.) BAKER: He's unconscious. CARL TYLER: (Keeping watch.) Well bring him round, hurry! DALEK: (OOV: over tannoy.) All Robomen reserve into action. Destroy invaders. BAKER: We must get out of here! CARL TYLER: Carry him. [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. DALEK SAUCER. MAIN AREA (Back in the main area, TYLER leads a group of rebels opening the cells and freeing the prisoners contained within.) CARL TYLER: Come on, get out! (The men do not need any second bidding. From an overhead landing, a rebel drops one of the bombs and there is a small explosion. TYLER fires his gun twice at the lights and the room is plunged into darkness.) CARL TYLER: Alright now, lets go, use the bombs! [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. STREET NEAR HELIPORT (Having escaped from the derelict building, DAVID CAMPBELL, BARBARA and SUSAN hide in a small recess of a nearby street.) DAVID CAMPBELL: Jenny! Jenny! Over here! (JENNY runs up and joins them. She is wearing a dark balaclava.) DAVID CAMPBELL: Jenny, look! Take them back. I'm going to try and get Tyler out of there. JENNY: Not on your own. DAVID CAMPBELL: Take them back! (He runs off.) JENNY: Well come on! You know who's in there! SUSAN: Shut up, Jenny! JENNY: Your two friends! BARBARA: (To SUSAN.) You knew this? SUSAN: Yes, I was going... (BARBARA starts to run, SUSAN grabs her.) SUSAN: Barbara, where are you going? BARBARA: I'm going to help Tyler get them out. SUSAN: Barbara, what are you going to do? BARBARA: I don't know, let go of me! (BARBARA struggles free and runs off.) JENNY: Come on, Susan, this way, come on! (JENNY pulls her off in another direction.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. CHELSEA HELIPORT (CARL TYLER and the escaping rebels and prisoners pour down the ramp of the saucer. They start throwing bombs as they make their escape. The DALEKS are waiting for them. At the very back of the group, BAKER supports a virtually unconscious DOCTOR as he helps him down the ramp and out of the ship. Two rebels are in the act of overturning a DALEK when the BLACK DALEK glides forward and exterminates them. TYLER and DAVID run round the edge of the ship dodging the firing DALEKS. CARL TYLER: Get down! (A second later, IAN also runs round the ship and crouches down as he looks through the smoke of the battle. He sees BARBARA about to throw one of the bombs.) IAN: Barbara! (BARBARA smiles in delight but IAN senses the danger all around them.) IAN: Get back, get back! (BARBARA throws her bomb and retreats. IAN sees that he is trapped between the saucer and the edge of the heliport. As the BLACK DALEK glides near, IAN has no option but to dodge back into the saucer, just before an armed ROBOMAN walks down the ramp. The fleeing rebels also dodge the murderous fire of the DALEKS.) CARL TYLER: Pull out, let's go! (The rebels run off. The DALEKS and the armed ROBOMAN mill about in front of the saucer.) FIRST DALEK: They are retreating! Take prisoners where possible. BLACK DALEK: No - kill! SECOND DALEK: All exits to the square are blocked. [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. STREET NEAR CITY PLAGUE CEMETERY 7 (TYLER climbs down a hatchway in the street. He sees another rebel running nearby.) CARL TYLER: You, over here! (TYLER climbs down. The rebel makes to follow but is not as quick to get down the hatch. He is exterminated.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. DALEK SAUCER. ROBOTISATION AREA (The DALEKS are back on board the saucer.) BLACK DALEK: Has the attack been defeated? FIRST DALEK: Yes, most of the rebels were killed or wounded. (Below them in the ramp housing, IAN lies down uncomfortably, listening to this conversation.) BLACK DALEK: (OOV.) Find every survivor. Destroy every one. Destroy them! Destroy every one of them! Destroy! [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. REBEL HIDEOUT. MAIN ROOM (BARBARA lies on the table, grimy and exhausted. JENNY approaches her with a mug of water. Nearby, a sobbing woman is helped out of the room. DORTMUN sits nearby silent and impassive. TYLER climbs in through the hatch. BARBARA is desperate for news of her friends but TYLER'S face shows exhaustion and defeat. He also bears a shoulder wound.) BARBARA: Tyler...? JENNY: (Holding her back.) No. not now. BARBARA: Tyler? JENNY: No, no, no. (He helps himself to a jug-full of water. DORTMUN wheels his chair round expectantly.) CARL TYLER: Your bombs were useless, Dortmun. DORTMUN: How many men were killed? CARL TYLER: We hadn't a chance. DORTMUN: How many? CARL TYLER: I don't know. I think all of them. BARBARA: The Doctor and Ian - they were in that saucer. CARL TYLER: Yes, well there was an oldish man there. I nearly got him out. BARBARA: Nearly? (TYLER pours some of the water onto a cloth to bathe his shoulder wound.) CARL TYLER: We got separated. We'll have to get out of London. DORTMUN: What for? The Daleks will never look for us down here. CARL TYLER: They'll look everywhere now. They'll search every inch. They'll destroy every inch. We've made an attack on one of their machines. (With contempt.) Your show of force! DORTMUN: I must stay here and work on the bomb. It only needs work, Tyler. CARL TYLER: It's a waste of time. DORTMUN: It's the only answer. CARL TYLER: Who's going to use it for you? Me? One man? These two? Use your intelligence. JENNY: Tyler's right. London's going to be much too hot for us. BARBARA: But we can't leave now. What if Susan comes back looking for us? JENNY: We have a code system letting people know where headquarters are moving. BARBARA: But Susan doesn't know the code! DORTMUN: Tyler, would you consider hanging on here for a short while longer. Just a few days. CARL TYLER: (Grabbing a bag of supplies.) No, Dortmun, it's no use. I only came back here to warn you. I'm going to see if I can find any more survivors from that raid, then I'm going north. BARBARA: I'm coming with you. CARL TYLER: No, I want to move about on my own. BARBARA: But you can't travel as you are, look, your shoulder's still bleeding. CARL TYLER: I'll be alright. Good luck. (He climbs out through the hatch. BARBARA shouts through the hatch after him.) BARBARA: Well, look, if you see any of my friends... (But he goes without stopping.) JENNY: It's no use. He won't come with us. We'll have to go without him. (JENNY starts packing.) DORTMUN: There is the other place. People will be gathering there. There'll be supplies, instruments. I shall be able to work on my bomb. JENNY: Don't build on it. DORTMUN: Yes, we'll go to the museum. I'll get my things together. It'll mean going over one of the bridges and across London. BARBARA: I know. We'll go with you. DORTMUN: Yes. (He wheels himself away to pack his own supplies.) JENNY: We'll have much more chance on our own. BARBARA: Well he wouldn't have had any without us. You needn't stay if you don't want to. (On the other side of the room, DORTMUN overhears this.) JENNY: Well Dortmun may be right. People may start collecting at the Civic Transport Museum. DORTMUN: Well, we'd better get going. It'll just be getting light. BARBARA: Do you think...we will find my friends there? DORTMUN: Yes, yes, it's a possibility. (He wheels himself out followed by JENNY. Behind them, BARBARA looks worried.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. DALEK SAUCER. ROBOTISATION AREA BLACK DALEK: Supreme command have given orders for London to be destroyed by fire bombs. FIRST DALEK: Do you intend to stay here in the city? BLACK DALEK: No, order the saucer to take me to the mine workings in central England. [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. CHELSEA HELIPORT (The bodies of dead rebels litter the heliport.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. DALEK SAUCER. MAIN AREA (A DALEK supervises lift-off from a control console.) DALEK: Five, four, three, two, one, lift off. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. LONDON (Again, the saucer glides above the London skyline.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. DALEK SAUCER. ROBOTISATION AREA (With the saucer in flight, IAN pushes back the floor hatch of his hiding place and climbs out. As he does so, A ROBOMAN enters holding a prisoner. IAN dashes over and recognises the ROBOMAN'S features.) IAN: Craddock! (CRADDOCK drops the prisoner to the floor and turns to IAN.) CRADDOCK: You are to be robotised. (He grabs IAN but the teacher easily throws him to the floor. He tries to rise but IAN, and the prisoner struggle to tear the collar and helmet away as CRADDOCK chants remorselessly...) CRADDOCK: Robotised...robotised...robotised...robotised, ugh! (CRADDOCK staggers round the section and blunders into the transfer machinery. There is a crackle, an explosion and CRADDOCK falls dead to the floor. IAN quickly examines him and sits on the transfer table. The prisoner, a small middle aged man called LARRY MADISON joins him.) IAN: Thanks. LARRY MADISON: Thank you. I was hiding in the store room when he found me. I'd smuggled myself aboard. IAN: You did what? LARRY MADISON: The saucer's going to the in workings in Bedfordshire and my brother's there. I'm going to find him. IAN: You don't exactly choose the easiest or the safest way to travel do you? LARRY MADISON: It's the quickest. Where have you been hiding? IAN: The ramp housing, under there. What are we going to do with him? LARRY MADISON: (Looking round.) Well, most of these large rooms have what they call disposal chutes. IAN: (Pointing.) That? LARRY MADISON: Yeah. Come on, I'll give you a hand. IAN: Better get his feet first. LARRY MADISON: Right. (They turn CRADDOCK'S body round...) LARRY MADISON: Right, lift. (...lift him and push him through a hatch and down the chute.) DALEK: (OOV: over tannoy.) Blank on seventy two, blank on seventy two, Report zero-five-five. Roboman ... . (Hearing the announcement, IAN and LARRY quickly uncover the hatch again and dive below.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. STREET NEAR CITY PLAGUE CEMETERY 7 (DAVID CAMPBELL and SUSAN run desperately to the plague cemetery. A rebel "VETOED" sign hangs on a nearby wall. They do not take TYLER'S route of previous but jump quickly down into a hiding place below a small terrace that DAVID points out to her.) DAVID CAMPBELL: Look, down here, careful, get down! (A DALEK is fast in pursuit. It glides onto the terrace but DAVID and SUSAN are concealed behind a ruined wall and some undergrowth. The DALEK looks round for a moment, then glides away. DAVID motions SUSAN to remain silent, then checks.) DAVID CAMPBELL: They've gone. We'll give them a few minutes to get well clear and then we'll move on. SUSAN: Where to? DAVID CAMPBELL: I don't know. Now what we must do is we must try and find some other survivors. SUSAN: David, David, do you think... (They suddenly hear footsteps nearby and the voice of a DALEK chanting relentlessly as a rebel shouts back defiance.) DALEK: (OOV.) Stop! stop! stop! stop! stop! stop! MAN: (OOV.) Why? Why? You killed my wife and my brothers, now you want to kill me, argh, get away from me! No, no, no...argh! (SUSAN sobs in DAVID'S arms as they hear the DALEK firing and the death screams of the man.) SUSAN: If only we could go to the ship and get away from here. DAVID CAMPBELL: Well, I couldn't go anyway. SUSAN: Oh, David, David! Perhaps you could! I...I..could ask Grandfather and I'm sure he'd let you come. Oh, we could go to place where they'd never even heard of Daleks. DAVID CAMPBELL: And what happens if there's something unpleasant in the new place? SUSAN: We move on somewhere. DAVID CAMPBELL: No Susan, that's not for me. SUSAN: Why not? DAVID CAMPBELL: Look, things aren't made better by running away. SUSAN: Well its suicide to stay here. DAVID CAMPBELL: This is my planet! I just can't run off and see what it's like in Venus! (He turns away.) SUSAN: I never felt that there was any time or place that I belonged to. I've never had any real identity. (He turns back to her.) DAVID CAMPBELL: One day you will. There will come a time when you are forced to stop travelling and you'll arrive some where... (SUSAN looks at him, but before she can reply, they hear a noise.) DAVID CAMPBELL: (Whispers.) Back over there! (They rush back to their hiding place.) SUSAN: Daleks? DAVID CAMPBELL: I don't know. It could be the Robomen. SUSAN: It's coming closer. DAVID CAMPBELL: They're coming down here. (He takes a knife out.) SUSAN: David, no! DAVID CAMPBELL: Ssh, ssh, ssh, Now get in there and stay there. (DAVID slowly climbs back on to the terrace looking round himself carefully. He is approached from behind by BAKER, still carrying the DOCTOR.) BAKER: David! DAVID CAMPBELL: Baker! BAKER: I saw you heading this way so I followed you. DAVID CAMPBELL: Are you alright? BAKER: Yes. It's him I'm worried about. DAVID CAMPBELL: Well look, we're down here. Now give me a hand. (To the DOCTOR.) Let me put your arm round here. (DAVID helps BAKER carry the DOCTOR down from off the terrace. SUSAN rushes forward and sees the old man.) SUSAN: Grandfather! DAVID CAMPBELL: Take ... SUSAN: Well, what is it? Is...is he alright? DAVID CAMPBELL: OK, OK, OK, OK SUSAN: He's not too badly hurt is he? BAKER: The Daleks drugged him. DOCTOR: (Weakly.) Ah...Susan! BAKER: It's beginning to wear off. DAVID CAMPBELL: (To SUSAN.) Put that can under. (They sit the semi-conscious DOCTOR on the can.) DAVID CAMPBELL: What about the others? BAKER: Four or five got away, four or five got away, the rest dead or prisoners. DAVID CAMPBELL: Well what are you going to do next? Do want to stay here with us? BAKER: Well a large group won't stand a chance. I thought I'd try on my own. I'll make for the Cornish coast. It's deserted down there. Not much for the Daleks. DAVID CAMPBELL: It's a good idea. SUSAN: We must stay in London. BAKER: Well, I must be on my way. DAVID CAMPBELL: (Reaching into his knapsack.) Oh, Baker here, take this hip flask, its full. BAKER: No, its alright. DAVID CAMPBELL: Go on man, take it. There's tons of food in London. You'll need all you can get where you're going. BAKER: Alright then. Thanks. Good luck to you all. (To the DOCTOR and SUSAN.) I hope you find your friends. SUSAN: Be careful. Thank you. DOCTOR: (Weakly.) Goodbye...goodbye my friend, goodbye. DAVID CAMPBELL: (To the DOCTOR.) Save it. (BAKER walks along the terrace and immediately a DALEK turns the corner. He is trapped. Another DALEK glides forward. BAKER raises his arms in surrender and makes to walk off with them, but...) DALEK: Fire! (They blast him at point blank range.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. ALBERT EMBANKMENT (BARBARA and JENNY wheel DORTMUN along the south side of the Albert embankment towards Westminster Bridge. When they reach the steps leading up to the bridge, DORTMUN struggles out of his chair on a stick. As they start to climb the steps, they see a patrol of DALEKS crossing the bridge and duck down out of sight. After the patrol has gone they continue. Another DALEK glides along the embankment following in their footsteps. It reaches the steps and scans the area, but the fugitives have gone...) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. WESTMINSTER BRIDGE (BARBARA and JENNY push DORTMUN across the bridge as fast as they can.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. WHITEHALL (They have managed to cross the bridge safely and are now travelling northwards up a deserted Whitehall. Reaching the entrance to Horse Guards Parade, they hide behind the statue of Charles, Duke of Cambridge, itself emblazoned with the jagged white DALEK symbol worn by the ROBOMEN. JENNY looks ahead to check their route through Trafalgar Square.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE (Several DALEKS patrol the square. The statue of General Napier is similarly emblazoned with the DALEK symbol. The three fugitives run past the National Gallery.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: EXT. KENSINGTON GORE (After running relentlessly through the deserted streets, they reach Knightsbridge but stop when they see another patrol of DALEKS round the base of the Albert memorial. The DALEKS scan all around them but fail to see the fugitives making their way carefully round the base of the Royal Albert Hall which is again adorned with the DALEK symbol. The three make their escape into Kensington Gore Gardens...) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. CIVIC TRANSPORT MUSEUM ("VETOED" signs hang on the various vehicle exhibits in the museum. BARBARA is boiling some water on a small camp stove as DORTMUN works on his bomb.) BARBARA: How's it coming? DORTMUN: It's finished. The problem you see, was the metal that the Daleks use in their outer casing. We don't know very much about it. We call it Dalekenium. BARBARA: Well, maybe that's what they're mining for up in Bedfordshire. DORTMUN: Oh, no, no, no, no, the Daleks must have found Dalekenium before they came to Earth. BARBARA: What are they mining for then? DORTMUN: I don't know. But it's...it must be something that's only found deep, very deep in our planet. (JENNY walks in.) JENNY: Not a sign of anybody. The Daleks have been here...and some of us. BARBARA: How do you know? JENNY: (Pointing to a "VETOED" sign.) Well look at these signs. (Pointing to one on a bicycle.) This means that some of our people have moved off to the south coast. And I don't blame them. The place is swarming with Daleks. DORTMUN: Do you think another force has landed in London? JENNY: Yes, I do. We were very lucky...to get through the streets. DORTMUN: Yes. JENNY: We haven't got a chance in London the way things are building up. BARBARA: (Pouring the boiling water into some mugs.) Oh, what can we do? Where can we go? Anyway, what's the point in running away all the time? JENNY: (Sharply.) I'm not running. I'm surviving. That's all. DORTMUN: We'll survive alright. I've got the new formula. BARBARA: (Passing JENNY her mug.) Oh, I wish the Doctor were here. DORTMUN: So do I. BARBARA: But you don't know him. DORTMUN: He's a man of science, you said. BARBARA: (Passing DORTMUN his drink and sitting by him.) Hmm, he is, he's a very brilliant one. There's no sugar I'm afraid. DORTMUN: Well, I should like to...show the results of my experiments to another scientist. Where do you think he is? BARBARA: Well, I've been trying to put myself in his place. I'm almost certain he'd head for that mine. JENNY: If he's alive. BARBARA: (Firmly.) Well, of course he's alive. JENNY: Why? What's so special about the Doctor? He doesn't wear some sort of...invisible shield, does he? DORTMUN: Jenny, go outside and keep watch. (JENNY goes.) DORTMUN: She's not callous really, you know. People have to fight, to fight the Daleks in their own way. Barbara, I should like you to find your friend, the Doctor and...give him my notes. BARBARA: But, I thought you said you'd finished the bomb.? DORTMUN: I have. BARBARA: Well then, why can't you give it to him yourself? DORTMUN: Well, I can, I can. Well, I'd like you to take care of them for me if you will. Well, I'm not exactly mobile in this thing, am I? BARBARA: (Warmly.) I'm not leaving you. DORTMUN: Very well, let's make for the mine in Bedford. BARBARA: We'll all be safer once we get away from the city. DORTMUN: Well, just round up Jenny and we can make a start. (BARBARA walks off. DORTMUN watches her go, collects his stick and his box of bombs, leaves his notes on a table and wheels himself off, looking round carefully...a few minutes later BARBARA and JENNY return in a hurry.) JENNY: Daleks are all over the place! Where is he? BARBARA: Dortmun! JENNY: Keep your voice down! BARBARA: He couldn't have gone outside. JENNY: Oh he wouldn't be so stupid! BARBARA: (Finding the notes.) He left his notes. Jenny, he going to try it out for himself. (They start to run outside but hear DORTMUN'S defiant voice.) DORTMUN: (OOV.) Daleks! [SCENE_BREAK] 23: EXT. CIVIC TRANSPORT MUSEUM (Outside, a patrol of DALEKS cautiously glide nearer the crippled man. DORTMUN stands unsteadily in his chair and raises a bomb. The DALEKS fire as he throws the bomb. He falls down dead. The bomb explodes but, as before, has no effect.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. CIVIC TRANSPORT MUSEUM (JENNY is appalled and stricken at the death of her friend.) BARBARA: Come on, we must get away from them. Jenny! Jenny! come on! (BARBARA pulls her into hiding behind a milk float exhibit. A moment later, the DALEKS enter. One glides up to a headless wax dummy exhibit next to the float and attempts to interrogate it.) DALEK: Who are you? (It places it's sucker arm on the dummy and examines it.) DALEK: Sub-cultural. [SCENE_BREAK] 25: EXT. CITY PLAGUE CEMETERY 7 (SUSAN helps the DOCTOR to walk unsteadily.) SUSAN: Take it easy. DOCTOR: Yeah...it's a time I should have my stick. SUSAN: Oh yes, I'll have to try and find you one. DOCTOR: Mm. (She sits him back down on the can.) SUSAN: There you are. DOCTOR: Ah, I think that's quite enough to start with. Ah, you know, I never realised that walking was so difficult. So exhaustive. SUSAN: How's the numbness? Is it wearing off? DOCTOR: Yes, I think it is. SUSAN: Oh good. DOCTOR: In quite a while, I might be able to travel. SUSAN: Oh, that's good. David says we should head for the north. There's a resistance group up there and he says we should join up with them. DOCTOR: (Sharply.) I don't care what that young man says. I make the decisions here, my dear, and I think we should make our way back to the TARDIS. SUSAN: Oh, what's the good of that, Grandfather? We need someone to help us pass all that rubble. Besides, London's crawling with Daleks. We must get away. DOCTOR: Do you question my authority, child? Hmm? SUSAN: Hmm...no, Grandfather, it..it's not that at all, it's just... DOCTOR: You seem to place more reliance on that young wor..that young man's word than mine, don't you? SUSAN: Grandfather, it's not that. It...it...it's simply that he lives in this time. He understands the situation. (DAVID CAMPBELL arrives back.) DAVID CAMPBELL: I've been down as far as the river but they've got patrols on every bridge. SUSAN: So, what's our next move? DAVID CAMPBELL: Oh, I don't know. What would you suggest, sir? DOCTOR: Ah, hmm? Me? DAVID CAMPBELL: Well, you're the senior member of the party, sir. I would be grateful for your help. (SUSAN stands to one side, with her back to her two companions on hearing this.) DOCTOR: Yes, well, er, yes, yes, of course, young man, yes, well, I, er, I suggest that as soon as I'm able to walk again, we should travel north. Hmm? (Laughs.) (A flabbergasted SUSAN'S mouth drops open.) DOCTOR: And then we might be able to join up with the resistance party. Mark you, it's only a suggestion, I...I really should er, leave it to you, you know. Think it out for yourself. SUSAN: (With a rueful smile.) It's a very good idea, Grandfather. DOCTOR: Hmm? What? SUSAN: (Giving him a hug.) I said it's a very good idea. DOCTOR: Yes, I think its a very good idea. [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. DALEK SAUCER. ROBOTISATION AREA (IAN and LARRY MADISON are still hiding in the ramp housing. As they speak, the noise of the flight reduces, indicating they are landing.) LARRY MADISON: My brother Phil was working at the mine and he said if we can find out what the Daleks are up to, we might be able to beat them. IAN: Makes sense doesn't it. LARRY MADISON: Yes, Phil's theory is that er, the Daleks want the magnetic core of Earth. IAN: What? LARRY MADISON: Well, that's his idea, anyway. [SCENE_BREAK] 27: EXT. DALEK SAUCER (The BLACK DALEK and one of its subordinates stand at the top of the raised ramp.) BLACK DALEK: Lower ramp... [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. DALEK SAUCER. ROBOTISATION AREA BLACK DALEK: (OOV.) ...and disembark. IAN: The floors still. LARRY MADISON: Yes, we've landed. (They hear a whirring noise.) IAN: What's that? LARRY MADISON: They're lowering the ramp. [SCENE_BREAK] 29: EXT. DALEK SAUCER (The ramp lowers and the BLACK DALEK glides out followed by five DALEKS, then a group of ROBOMEN and prisoners.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. DALEK SAUCER. ROBOTISATION AREA LARRY MADISON: All clear. This is it. Ian. (They push the hatch back and climb out.) IAN: Alright. How do we get out of this place? LARRY MADISON: The disposal chute. Once we get out of the outer door, make for the nearest cover, it's our only chance. IAN: Alright, I say, what is out there? LARRY MADISON: Your guess is a good as mine. I'll go first. (He slides out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: EXT. CITY PLAGUE CEMETERY 7 (Two ROBOMEN approach the plague cemetery carrying a large box between them. The front of the box has three clock-like dials on it.) DOCTOR: I think we should get on our way. SUSAN: Grandfather, I think we should stay a bit longer, don't you, because, well, David looked just now and there were loads of Daleks. (The sound of explosions can be heard in the background.) DAVID CAMPBELL: Well, maybe Susan's right. Perhaps we should wait just five minutes more? DOCTOR: Huh... (The ROBOMEN, unseen by the three fugitives, place the box down nearby and then walk off. The three are oblivious to the box and the ticking sound coming from within. It is a bomb...)

The TARDIS returns to London; however, it's the 22nd century. With bodies in the river, and quiet in the docklands, the city is a very different place. The Daleks have invaded and it's up to the Doctor to thwart them once again.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_02x01

fd_One_Tree_Hill_02x01_0

LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill. [INT. WHITEY DURHAM FIELD HOUSE] (Whitey and Lucas walk in.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL RIVERCOURT - EVENING] (Lucas and Nathan playing basketball with a large audience.) WITEY: (v.o) Look, I've got an opening in my line-up; varsity. What do you say? DAN: (v.o) So if this new kid is taking you position, he's no longer your team-mate is he? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - MORNING] DAN: He's your opponent. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RIVERCOURT - EVENING] (Camera shifts from Lucas to Peyton.) NATHAN: (v.o) I can describe Lucas in one word... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CLASSROOM - MORNING] (C.O. of Nathan) NATHAN: b*st*rd. (Lucas charges at Nathan and proceeds to punch him.) PEYTON: (v.o) So what if he wins, [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - DOORSTEP - EVENING] PEYTON: What does he get? NATHAN: He gets you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - DAN AND DEB'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Lucas and Peyton kissing.) BROOKE: Lucas. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RIVERCOURT - DAY] (Lucas and Peyton kissing.) BROOKE: (v.o) I don't know what hurts worse; you and Lucas sneaking around behind my back or you [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PEYTON'S BEDROOM - EVENING] BROOKE: Lying about it to my face. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HALEY'S BEDROOM - EVENONG] (Haley on the phone, speaking to Nathan's answering machine. Nathan enters.) NATHAN: (v.o) If I could just get up, walk over to you, and tell you how much I need you. (Haley smiles, relieved, and kisses him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALEY'S DOORSTEP - MORNING] (Nathan kissing Haley.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY] (Nathan and Haley are wet.) NATHAN: Haley. HALEY: It's ok. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KAREN'S CAF - THE ROOF - EVENING] LUCAS: (v.o) But that's just like him. To get you branded with his jersey number right about your ass! HALEY: He doesn't even know about it! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WHITEY DURHAM FIELD HOUSE - BASKETBALLY GAME - DAY] (Close up of Dan. Cut to Lucas) KAREN: (v.o) You have to right to think of him, not today or any other [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTOR SHOP - OFFICE - DAY] KAREN: day of his life. How dare you! [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREETS - EVENING] (A drunken Nathan drives Peyton's car and hits another one.) DAN: (v.o) If you weren't out helping your little friend (Keith and Lucas' car is hit buy an oncoming vehicle.) DAN: (v.o) Karen and her caf , you might have been there for him like I was. (Nathan crashes Payton's car) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - EVENING] (Dan rushes in carrying an unconscious Lucas.) DAN: I need a doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] DEB: I want you out of this house or so help me god, I will stab you in your sleep. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - EVENING] DOCTOR: (v.o) You're his legal guardian? DAN: He's my son. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OPERATING THEATER - EVENING] (Lucas lies on the operating table, unconscious and fighting for his life.) KAREN: (v.o) Where you drinking before you drove Lucas? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - EVENING] KIETH: Yes. KAREN: I want you to leave. (Keith stands up and fades out of the shot.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OUTSIDE - DAY] PEYTON: Were you serious about wanting to get out of here? (Cut to Payton's dad helping Jake load cases into his boat.) PEYTON: (v.o) I've got a way that you can go but you have to leave tomorrow. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - PARTY - EVENING] NIKKI: I asked you if you had a problem. PEYTON: Yeah, I do, it's called you bitch. (Nikki pushes Peyton into the refrigerator and then slaps her. Peyton charges at her and they fall onto a table.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OUTBACK - EVENING] (Nathan and Lucas are wearing only underwear. Nathan punches Lucas) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SMALL BUSINESS LEAGUE DINNER PARTY - EVENING] (Keith lunges at Dan but misses and lands on the table instead.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OUTBACK - EVENING] (Lucas takes Nathan down.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Dan walks in and sees Deb on her knees in front of Tim who is trying to get his trousers back on.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTOR SHOP - ENTRANCE - EVENING] DAN: They handed me the consent forms, he needed surgery. You have a right to be upset but... (Karen hugs him.) KAREN: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RIVERCOURT - EVENING] (Lucas is sitting on a bench, Brooke walks up looking upset.) BROOKE: I need to talk to you. LUCAS: OK BROOKE: I think I'm pregnant. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BEACHOUSE - DAY] (Dan grabs at his chest and falls to the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LUCAS' HOUSE - KITCHEN - EVENING] (Keith opens an engagement ring box and shows it to Karen.) KEITH: I love you Karen. KAREN: Keith. KEITH: Marry me. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Lucas walks in on Haley in her nightgown.) LUCAS: I thought you weren't ready. I thought you were going to wait until you got married. HALEY: We did wait. LUCAS: What're you talking about Haley? (Haley laughs and hold up her left hand, showing her wedding ring clearly. Nathan puts his arm around her.) HALEY: We got married last night. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LUCAS' HOUSE - MORNING] (Lucas looking sad.) LUCAS: Mom...I want to leave Tree Hill. FADE OUT: OPENING CREDITS ROLL: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BLOOMER & CARGIOLI FUNERAL HOME - DAY] (People are walking up the steps into the funeral home.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SITTING AREA OF THE FUNERAL HOME - DAY] (Someone is writing in a book. Camera pans to show Brooke and Peyton standing, dressed in black to Lucas and Keith; with dark sunglasses sitting in armchairs to Haley then Karen and lastly Deb. The camera stops at Nathan who is kneeling in front of the open casket, looking at his father. Nathan kneels there until Lucas pats him on the shoulder and they stand to walk away. Deb takes his place in front of the casket, cheeks tearstained, and puts one hand on it. Dan grabs her hand.) (Close up of Dan's face.) DAN: You killed my you bitch! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY] (Deb wakes up from the nightmare with a start and gasps. She looks at Dan who is still alive but unconscious.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY] (The camera pans from the foot of the bed to the head. Nathan is propped up on an elbow, watching Haley sleep. She opens her eyes.) NATHAN: Hey you. (Haley covers her face with a pillow and laughs.) HALEY: Hi. I had the strangest dream; I dreamt we actually got married yesterday. NATHAN: That's weird...I had the same dream. HALEY: No. NATHAN: Hmm. (He leans over and kisses her.) NATHAN: Oh, that's right, we actually did get married. (They interlock their fingers; showing Nathan's wedding ring.) HALEY: We did get married. (Laughs) NATHAN: It's pretty wild huh? HALEY: Yeah. How do you feel? NATHAN: I was just watching you sleep, thinking; let's always be like this. HALEY: Yeah. (The phone rings.) NATHAN: And then I turn my cell phone back on. (Haley protests.) HALEY: No! no no no no no no. NATHAN: Argh...it's my mom. She's been calling like crazy. HALEY: Do you think she found out about us? NATHAN: No. She probably just wants her car back. HALEY: Oh. I that case, (She grabs the phone.) don't worry about it. NATHAN: Gimme that. (He takes it back. Haley laughs. He listens to the message.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CHARLESTON - BEACH - DAY] (Kites are flying and people a having fun.) (Cut to Keith wearing dark sunglasses and walking on the beach. He takes them off) KEITH: Holy cow! (He laughs at Lucas.) What happened to your head? LUCAS: (smiles as he feels it.) Yeah. I figured; new town, new look. KEITH: (nods.) OK, whatever you say Felicity. (Lucas laughs.) KEITH: At least the town looks nice. LUCAS: (nods.) Yeah, it does. I think we're going to like it here. KEITH: Yeah...you know, not many people get a chance you know, just to - to start over you know? I mean just leave Tree Hill and reinvent themselves. LUCAS: And it all starts today. KEITH: Yeah... (His phone rings; it says 'private caller' in the screen.) Hello? (He walks away to take the call in private.) (Lucas looks out happily across the sea.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAF - DAY] (The caf is empty and Karen is picking up dirty dishes off the tables. She sees a small boy of about ten playing with a basketball and wearing a hoodie and shorts like Lucas. She walks slowly to the front of the shop and watches him pass by the front door and turns the 'Open' sign to 'Closed'. She turns to look around sadly at her now empty life.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PEYTON'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY] (Peyton is writing lyrics to a song on her bedroom wall in gold pen. She sticks up her sketch of Jake and Jenny and looks at it. Brook walks in.) BROOKE: Hey girl! PEYTON: Doesn't anyone ring the doorbell in this town? BROOKE: (Brooke shrugs.) Some do; I don't. Let's go. PEYTON: And where are we going? BROOKE: It is day two of the Brooke and Peyton 'Hoes over Beaus' reunion tour. Move it. (Exits Peyton's room.) (Peyton gets off of her bed and opens her bag, pulling out a letter addressed 'Brooke and Peyton'.) FLASHBACK TO: (Peyton leaves her house, closes the door and sees the letter taped to it. She pulls it off and looks around herself, making sure nobody is around.) END OF FLASHBACK: (Peyton continues to look at it.) BROOKE: (v.o) Come on you fake blonde goldilocks. Let's go. (Peyton stuffs the letter back into her bag, puts it over her shoulder and leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY] (Nathan is holding his phone looking bothered. Haley walks in.) HALEY: Bad news? NATHAN: (pause) My dad's in the hospital. (beat) He had a heart attack. HALEY: (shocked) Oh no(!) Is he going to be OK? NATHAN: I-I don't know, my mom just left it on my voicemail. HALEY: I'm sorry Nathan. NATHAN: (getting up) Yeah I gotta go see him. HALEY: Yeah, I'll go with you. Ah Nathan um...maybe we shouldn't tell them about us yet. I mean maybe we should just wait until he recovers. NATHAN: They're going to find out Haley. HALEY: I know; it's just that I saw your dad before the game and he wasn't happy about us dating...what's he going to say now? NATHAN: It's not about him. We're married now Haley. I'm never going to hide that. (Haley smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE DOCK - DAY] (Peyton and Brooke are walking down the dock, among many other boats.) PEYTON: Brooke, what are you up to? BROOKE: You've been on my dad's boat before. PEYTON: Yeah, with you and your dad. BROOKE: Details. It's like driving a car just on water and without a speed limit. PEYTON: Brooke. BROOKE: Peyton...look at us. Look at this day. We are practically a beer commercial. It would be wrong not to take it. So let's go. (Brooke walks to the front and Peyton watches, smiling.) BROOKE: Hop on bestest friend. (Peyton gives in and gets on. We see Peyton and Brooke sailing away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - DAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY] (Deb is sitting beside Dan's bed, looking at him as she addresses the doctor.) DEB: Is it normal for him to be unconscious like this? DOCTOR: Well, yes and no. Your...husband is sedated from the angioplasty but he suffered major heart failure, he could be unconscious for a while yet. DEB: (looks uncomfortable as she looks from the doctor to Dan.) Would it have mattered if I had found him sooner? DOCTOR: Well in medicine, earlier is always better...but you called as soon as you could, right? (He leaves) (Deb stares after him.) FLASHBACK TO: [INT. BEACHOUSE - DAY] (Dan is on the floor, holding his chest in obvious pain.) DEB: (v.o) Dan? (She sees him on the floor and, upset, panics.) Dan! Dan! Can you hear me?! DAN: (Gasping) Deb? DEB: What?! DAN: You better hope I die(!) DEB: (beat) You're threatening me? (Pause) Here. (Throws the phone at him) Dial it yourself. (Stands up and away from him.) DAN: (looks at the phone.) Deb. DEB: You know; I came here to apologise. To tell you I was sorry, even though you've been the assiest ass on the planet for the better part of our married lives. DAN: (o.s) What are you doing? DEB: I'm considering, Dan. DAN: Please. (Struggling to breath.) Help me. (gasps once and then goes limp.) DEB: (falters and starts to panic again.) Dan? (Reaches for the phone and calls 911.) END OF FLASHBACK: DEB: (looks at Dan guiltily.) I'm sorry. (Camera pans to Dan still unconscious.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CHARLESTON - BEACH - DUSK] (Keith is looking out at the sea on a now deserted beach. Lucas walks up to him.) LUCAS: Keith. Gee who died? KEITH: It's Dan. He had a heart attack. (Walks away.) (Lucas doesn't know how to feel about that.) FADE OUT: COMMERCIAL SET: [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY] NATHAN: Haley, have you seen my grey t-shirt? HALEY: um... (Picks it up from the chest of drawers.) HALEY: (v.o) I wanna do something ok? FALSHBACK TO: [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY] (Haley takes off her wet shirt.) NATHAN: Haley. HALEY: No, it's ok. It's ok. (She kisses him and pushes him back on the bed.) NATHAN: (whispering) I could love you forever. HALEY: So could I. NATHAN: You're my family now Haley. The true thing I have. I never wanna lose you. HALEY: You won't. (Nathan looks at her, debating whether to say something.) HALEY: What? NATHAN: Marry me. HALEY: (smiles, embarrassed, thinking he's joking.) Stop it. NATHAN: What, would you? HALEY: Oh you're embarrassing me. (Sits up.) NATHAN: Why not? HALEY: Because...we're in high school. NATHAN: So what? I'm emancipated. HALEY: Is this about s*x, because I wanna wait? NATHAN: No, I can see you caving on that one already. HALEY: (laughs) Well maybe so. Nathan, couples don't get married in high school. It's just...it's not normal. NATHAN: So? I'm not normal. What I'm feeling is definitely not normal and to be honest with you Haley, I don't ever want to be normal. Not with you. (pause) I'm serious. HALEY: I know you are. NATHAN: OK, so I'll say it again. I could love you forever. HALEY: Nathan, so could I but- NATHAN: So then why can't forever start today? (Camera pans to the window.) END OF FLASHBACK: [SCENE_BREAK] (Haley is still holding the t-shirt and smiling.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CHARLESTON - KEITH AND LUCAS' APARTMENT - DUSK] (Keith walks up to Lucas leaning on railings.) KEITH: Ah, Don't have a view like this in Tree Hill. (pause) You wanna talk about Dan? LUCAS: Do you think my mom knows? KEITH: I don't know. LUCAS: Think she cares? KEITH: Do you? (Lucas doesn't know how to respond.) You know Luke, Dan's your birth father and um...even though he's never been in your life it wouldn't be wrong to be concerned. LUCAS: Would it be wrong to hope he dies? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - DAN'S ROOM - DAY] DOCTOR: (o.s) Dan has a heart condition known as HCM. It's a genetic mutation and causes the heart muscles to thicken...eventually; it prevents the heart from pumping blood. DEB: But why now? DOCTOR: (o.s) Sometimes cardiac arrest...is bought on by excessive physical activity, even excessive stress. (Dan is still unconscious.) FLASHBACK TO: [EXT. EST SHOT - SCOTT RESIDENCE - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN'S CAR - EVENING] (Dan is sitting in his car, rehearsing a speech.) DAN: I've made so many mistakes Deb, with you and with Nathan. I'm willing to change...I'll do anything. I'll do everything to keep you in my life. I'm not proud of who I've been...but don't give up on me...because I still love you. CUT TO. [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - HALLWAY - EVENING] (Dan walks into the house, down the hallway and into the living room where he sees Deb and Keith, on the floor, covered in a blanket. Deb wakes up, notices Dan and sits up startled. Keith also looks at Dan. Upset, Dan turns and leaves the house.] END OF FLASHBACK: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - WHITEY'S ROOM - EVENING] (Karen walks into Whitey's room. Whitey is pretending to sleep.) KAREN: Coach Durham? WHITEY: (opens one eye immediately and laughs.) Karen. I always pretend to be asleep when the nurse comes in here. She looks a lot like Death...only uglier. KAREN: (laughs) How are you doing? WHITEY: Ah you know, they want to...operate...but it's a long story full of medical mumbo jumbo. KAREN: Well I've got lots of time. I closed the caf for the day. WHITEY: Huh...well...I guess your nest is feeling pretty empty huh? KAREN: (Laughs sadly) I guess so. WHITEY: You ever think, maybe that's what Lucas wanted? You know, that silence would close in on you and you'd have to go out and make some noise yourself. KAREN: Well...I was thinking that maybe I'd take some classes over at the University. WHITEY: Well stop thinking about it, damn it, and do it! You know what I'd do if I was your age? (Karen shakes her head.) Everything...and then by golly, I'd turn around and do it again. I wouldn't give a rat's ass who disapproved or what I looked like doing it. (beat) Karen...take it from me...when you're my age, you don't want to be here...tangled up in that road you never travelled. Make some time. (smiles) Take a few chances. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BROOKE'S BOAT - DAY] (Brook and Peyton are lying at the front of the boat, sunbathing. They are talking with their eyes closed.) BROOKE: Listen, do you hear that? PEYTON: Here what? BROOKE: Silence. It's nice. PEYTON: Yeah. At least it was until you started talking. BROOKE: (laughs) So what do you want to do after this? I was thinking; maybe some ice-cream, a little lingerie, facial. PEYTON: It's OK to miss him Brooke. BROOKE: Miss who? PEYTON: Lucas. BROOKE: (lying) I don't...miss him (pause) really, I mean maybe a little, you know, now that he moved but (breathes deeply) whatever, there's other fish in the sea. We'll find new boyfriends. It shouldn't be hard considering you're you and I'm me. PEYTON: (laughs) Yeah. His loss. Jake's too. BROOKE: Wanna know a secret? PEYTON: Hmm. BROOKE: I was secretly pulling for you and Jake. PEYTON: Even when I was at the top of your 'Bitch List'? BROOKE: Even then. You know why? PEYTON: Why? BROOKE: Coz I wasn't into him. (Peyton and Brooke laugh.) (A boat full of topless men roars past. Brooke and Peyton sit up on their elbows. Brooke lifts her top and flashes the men. Peyton cries in shock.) BROOKE: Boys are so easy. We could swim if we had suits. PEYTON: When's that ever stopped us? (Dissolve to Peyton and Brooke's clothes strewn all over the boat and them skinny-dipping in the water.) FADE OUT: [SCENE_BREAK] COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHARLESTON - KEITH AND LUCAS' APARTMENT - DAY] (Keith walks in carrying a box.) KEITH: You gonna give me a hand or you gonna live in the truck? LUCAS: Seems like a waste. We're going back right? KEITH: (Pause) Why, you a heart surgeon? Look Luke...I want Dan to get better too you know I mean I'm really pulling for him but...you know my future's here now, I can't just...go back. LUCAS: No I get it. I don't wanna go back either but...it just doesn't feel right. KEITH: OK. (He opens a box and takes out a marker.) Alright, I'll tell you what; gimme reasons to stay. LUCAS: (sighs) Keith. KEITH: (Writing 'Stay and 'Go' on a big box.) No I'm serious. OK? We'll make a list. Give me one reason why, why you don't wanna go back. LUCAS: (stands up and paces while he thinks.) Dan. KEITH: Ah Dan, see? Dan's an ass. That's good. (Writes Dan under the stay column.) What else? LUCAS: I um...screwed up with Brooke and Peyton. You know, I didn't even say goodbye. Not so much as saying it, I just wrote it in a letter. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BROOKE'S BOAT - DAY] BROOKE: You having fun P. Sawyer? PEYTON: Hell yes B. Davis, you? BROOKE: Yeah. I've been thinking about Lucas. It's not that he left its...kinda how he left. Just can't believe he didn't say goodbye. PEYTON: (uncomfortable) Brooke, there's something that I need to show you. (Reaches into her bag and take out the letter from Lucas.) It was taped to my front door yesterday. BROOKE: (looking at it) This is from Lucas. PEYTON: (nods) I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hid it from you. BROOKE: But you did. I've been carrying around the fact that he left without a word and you've had the words the whole time and didn't tell me? PEYTON: I was going to. BROOKE: When?! After you read it first?! PEYTON: NO! I wouldn't do that I promise. BROOKE: (standing up) Whatever Peyton, we should head back. (Peyton looks upset.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - OUTSIDE DAN'S ROOM - DAY] NATHAN: Listen, Haley, if you want, I can do this alone. You don't have to come in. HALEY: No, I'm OK. I want to. NATHAN: Oh good. I was hoping you'd say that. HALEY: Besides we...stuck together with my parents. (They enter) FLASHBACK TO: [INT. HALEY'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY] (Haley and Nathan walk through the front door.) HALEY: Hey, anybody home? Mom? Dad? MARION: (o.s) In the kitchen Haley! HALEY: (whispering) OK. (She kisses Nathan.) No matter what happens next, I want you to know...my parents say yes...I will marry you. (Smiles) OK. OK, yeah I would. (Pull him into the kitchen.) Mom? MARION: Hey baby. HALEY: Hey. MARION: Well don't just stand there; give me a hug. (Hugs Haley) You must be Nathan, I'm Marion. NATHAN: Hi. (They shake hands.) HALEY: (uncomfortable) Is my mom here? MARION: She's around here somewhere. LYDIA JAMES: (o.s) Here's that article Marion. You know, how someone can actually type with their head up their ass is beyond me. (Turns and sees Haley and Nathan.) Nathan. Did you climb through Haley's window again or did you actually locate our front door this time? HALEY: Mom. NATHAN: I came in the front door Mrs James. LYDIA JAMES: Atta boy. You hungry? HALEY: Actually ah, can we just talk to you and dad? LYDIA JAMES: Are you pregnant? HALEY: (shocked) What!? LYDIA JAMES: Pregnant, with child, bun in the oven. HALEY: Mom! MARION: Lydia stop. You know that Haley's a virgin. HALEY: (warning) Marion. MARION: And it's a damn shame if you ask me. (Looks pointed at Nathan. Nathan doesn't know whether to be pleased or discomfited.) HALEY: (Turning back.) Can we just talk to you and dad. (Mouths 'alone'.) MARION: Alright, I can take a hint. (Picks up the newspaper.) Besides, your mother's going to tell me every word of it. (To Lydia.) Call me with the details Lydia. Lydia winks.) HALEY: (Mortified) Is dad here? LYDIA JAMES: (Calling out of the window.) Jimmy! Kitchen! Haley's pregnant! (Turns back to them.) Shall we sit? HALEY: I think we better. END OF FLASHBACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - DAN'S ROOM - DAY] (Nathan and Haley walk into Dan's hospital room.) NURSE: Can I help you? NATHAN: I'm his son. (Stands and looks at his father for a while, void of emotion.) Is he going to die? NURSE: (o.s) You should talk to your mom. I think she's in the chapel. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHARLESTON - KEITH AND LUCAS' APARTMENT - DAY] KEITH: Alright, just to recap on the ah...reasons to stay side, we got; Dan's an ass, you were an ass, my new teaching job, we both get a fresh start, your mother and I laid out my heart and this apartment has a killer view. So what else? LUCAS: Nathan. KEITH: (beat) Oh. Yeah, that marriage thing must have been tough for you. (Begins to write Nathan on the box.) LUCAS: No, I meant for reasons to go back. (Keith looks at him in confusion.) I was wrong about him. He's a good guy and...yeah, OK, him and Haley its, it's kinda weird but...I'm glad for them. KEITH: (Smiles) You know Luke, I'm really proud of you for getting to know Nathan. If you think you should go home...then you should but there are...things in Tree Hill that I'm not sure I can face. LUCAS: Like what? KEITH: Just...something I'm not proud of. (beat) look um...I'm gonna take a little walk. (Walks to the door.) LUCAS: Keith! KEITH: I'm good, I just uh...just gotta get a little air. (Shuts the door behind him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - CHAPEL - DAY] (Deb is sitting at the front of the chapel, hunched over, with her head down. Nathan and Haley walk in.) NATHAN: (quietly) Mom. DEB: Nathan. (Stands and hugs him.) NATHAN: What happened? DEB: Um, I found him in the beach house on the floor. I called 911 (pause) but they said I might have called too late. NATHAN: Mom, it's not your fault. DEB: Remember when you were little and you had to have your tonsils out? I came to this chapel that night and sobbed because I had the worst feeling that something was going to go wrong; that I was going to lose you. NATHAN: You didn't lose me mom. HALEY: Yeah, we're here for you Mrs Scott. Whatever you need. (Puts her hand on Deb's shoulder.) DEB: (Pats Haley's hand.) Thank you Haley. I guess I'm not ready to let go. (Looks down at Haley's hand and sees the wedding ring. She grabs Nathan's hand and sees his wedding ring too.) NATHAN: We were ah...gonna tell you today. DEB: Tell me what? HALEY: I love your son very much Mrs Scott. DEB: Tell me what, Nathan. NATHAN: We got married. DEB: (Laughs distressed) I must be losing my mind. NATHAN: Listen mom, we'll talk about it later. When dad's well. DEB: (o.s) When dad is well? Your father is unconscious Nathan, plus he may or may not be my husband at this point, who the hell knows and now you're telling me that you got married? This has got to be a joke. NATHAN: (shakes his head.) It's not a joke mom. HALEY: Mrs Scott, we've thought about- DEB: Shut up Haley. (to Nathan) You did this to your father. You're the reason he's here. HALEY: Mrs Scott I- DEB: I said shut up. Shut your selfish little mouth! NATHAN: Mom! (Haley looks down upset.) DEB: You walked away from him. (To Haley) And you helped him do it. You're both to blame. (Leaves the chapel.) (Haley looks at Nathan. Deb stands in the hallway and cries. Karen comes round the corner and sees her.) KAREN: Deb, Deb what's wrong? What happened? DEB: (Sobbing) He's gonna die. KAREN: Who? DEB: Dan. He had a heart attack. KAREN: Oh my god! (Hugs Deb) Oh my god. DEB: He's gonna die...and it's all my fault. FADE OUT: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KAREN'S CAF - EVENING] (Karen and Deb are sitting at one of the tables.) KAREN: They got married? DEB: Um hm. KAREN: That...is not the Haley James that I know. DEB: You mean the Haley Scott. I just, I-I-I don't know whether to laugh or cry or...throw up. I mean Dan's in the hospital and Nathan is apparently married and Keith... KAREN: Have you called him? DEB: Yeah. KAREN: Talk about your bad timing. Oh, it's just it would be better if he were here. Keith is good in a crisis. DEB: (Changing the subject.) Ho-how is it possible that they could even get married? FLASHBACK TO: [INT. HALEY'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY] (Jimmy enters the kitchen.) JIMMY JAMES: Well, well, Haley James in my house between the hours of 8am and midnight. NATHAN: Hi Mr James. JIMMY JAMES: Hello Nathan. Did you come in through the window? LYDIA JAMES: He found the front door. JIMMY JAMES: Nice work Nate. (Lydia smiles at them) So, to what do we owe this surprise? HALEY: Well, we wanted to talk to you daddy. (Lydia looks at Jimmy in surprise.) JIMMY JAMES: (o.s) Daddy? This is gonna be expensive. HALEY: (Closes, her eyes.) Ok, look. You guys know that I am an extremely cautious person...and I consider things from every angle and I don't just, like, jump into things. LYDIA JAMES: Like getting to the point of this conversation? NATHAN: Mr and Mrs James um... (stands up) as you know, I'm emancipated from my parents and...I think you also know that I respect both of you very much- JIMMY JAMES: I-I-I think I know where this is going and-and here's the thing Nathan; you see, if we adopt you, the making out with Haley is gonna have to stop. A-a-at least in public. HALEY: Could you guys be serious for like one minute of my life please? (silence) NATHAN: I'd like to marry your daughter. (Lydia and Jimmy pause for two seconds and then burst out laughing. They stop at the look of seriousness on both Haley and Nathan's faces.) JIMMY JAMES: I didn't see that coming. HALEY: (sad) Dad, mom- LYDIA JAMES: I will discuss this with your father. HALEY: You will? LYDIA JAMES: If this is what you want. HALEY: (Looks at Nathan for a second.) It is. END OF FLASHBACK: [EXT. THE DOCK - DAY] (Brooke gets off the boat and walks away angrily.) PEYTON: Brooke, wait up. BROOKE: You shoulda told me about the letter Peyton. PEYTON: I know. BROOKE: Then why didn't you? Why would you hide it from me? PEYTON: Coz we were having fun again. (Brooke calms down slightly and contemplates.) Brooke, having our friendship back has been really, really great. You know I...I figured Lucas is gone so it didn't matter what was in the letter because it was just gonna come between us. BROOKE: Why would you think that? PEYTON: Remember when we used to get up every Tuesday morning and ride our bikes to the Mall? BROOKE: So you could buy some stupid CD's. PEYTON: Yeah, and you could buy make-up your mom wouldn't let you wear. We'd spend half the day in my bedroom just listening to music and putting on awful eye shadow, and that was just the Tuesdays. We used to do a lot of really great stuff until guys got in the way. BROOKE: I was actually just going to the mall with you to check out Roy. PEYTON: Brooke, we were nine. BROOKE: What's your point? PEYTON: (Laughs and so does Brooke.) OK, I am sorry, I should've shown you the letter but...considering our history, it scared me so...I just...I just wanted my friend back for a little while. BROOKE: (Shakes her head, giving in.) Come on. God! (They laugh, shoving and hugging each other good naturedly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAF - DAY] (Haley enters the caf and spots Karen. She walks over to her.) HALEY: Closed during the day? KAREN: (Turns and looks at her.) Oh, I guess my heart just wasn't in it today. (Haley stands at the door, wondering if she's going to get the same reception she got from Deb.) KAREN: (Waving her forward.) Come on in Mrs Scott. HALEY: (Hugging Karen.) I'm sorry, I really wish you could have been there but it was so sudden. KAREN: Yeah. HALEY: Is Deb here? I figured you must have talked to her. KAREN: She had to go back to the hospital. HALEY: She was really upset. KAREN: Dan's not doing so well. HALEY: I know, but I meant with me. KAREN: Does that surprise you? HALEY: Yeah, little. I could understand if it was Dan but Deb's always been really supportive of my relationship with Nathan. KAREN: Yeah, when you were dating. HALEY: Is that how you feel? KAREN: Haley, it doesn't matter how I feel. HALEY: It matters to me. KAREN: Haley...I know that you and Nathan are in love and you know that I was also in love in high school (pause) but sometimes, love fades...and, I just hope with all my heart that...it doesn't fade for you. (Haley looks sad.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHARLESTON - KEITH AND LUCAS' APARTMENT - DUSK] (Lucas in on the phone to Nathan.) NATHAN: (through the phone) Hello? LUCAS: Hey man. It's Lucas. (Cut to Tree Hill. Nathan is sitting outside Karen's Caf .) NATHAN: Hey man. LUCAS: (through the phone.) Crazy forty-eight hours huh? NATHAN: Yeah, Yeah I guess so. (Cut back to Charleston.) LUCAS: So listen, um, (uncomfortable silence) I know this is weird for us but...I just wanted to call because- NATHAN: (though the phone.) Oh yeah. (Cut back to Tree Hill.) Yeah he's ah, he's still unconscious but, you know him, he's just waiting to wake up on his own terms. LUCAS: (Through the phone) Well look, (Cut back to Charleston.) I'm here for you OK? (pause) For you and Haley both. (pause) Just call if you need anything. (Cut back to Tree Hill.) NATHAN: Thanks Luke. (Cut back to Charleston.) LUCAS: (Another uncomfortable silence.) So listen. How did this marriage thing happen anyway? FLASHBACK TO: [INT. HALEY'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Lydia and Jimmy are sitting on different couches as they discuss Nathan's proposal.) LYDIA JAMES: The boy's emancipated Jimmy. Haley just needs our permission. JIMMY JAMES: Need I remind you that up until an hour ago, this boy came and went through a second story window like a horny cat burglar. How can you even be considering this? LYDIA JAMES: Jimmy, you know our daughter. (Shot of Haley's legs as she comes down the stairs quietly.) (v.o) She has never done an impetuous, hasty thing in her life. Most days, she's more mature than we are. They're in love. JIMMY JAMES: They're in high school. Besides, if it's meant to be, it'll still be meant to be after college. LYDIA JAMES: OK; we forbid her to do it. She hates us. She keeps seeing him, maybe she gets pregnant, she drops out of school, she turns to a life of prostitu- JIMMY JAMES: Oh stop it. LYDIA JAMES: tion. Oh! There she is, smoking crack and sleeping in the gutter. (Shot of Haley smiling.) LYDIA JAMES: Did you know that my parents forbid me to marry you? JIMMY JAMES: Why? LYDIA JAMES: Because they thought that we were too young. JIMMY JAMES: Well why didn't you listen? LYDIA JAMES: (holds him.) Because I loved you. And in the end we got married all the same and we've made quite a life together. But I always loved them less for not seeing what I saw in you. END OF FLASHBACK: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL BEACH - BONFIRE - EVENING] (Brooke and Peyton are sitting in front of a small bonfire.) BROOKE: So I've been thinking I'm done with boyfriends for a while. PEYTON: (not believing.) Right. Brooke Davis, solo? BROOKE: Relationships are just too hard. Hooking up with boys is so much easier. PEYTON: (Sighs) So I've been thinking, (Picks up the letter.) I don't wanna read the letter. I mean you can, I just (shrugs) whatever it says, I don't wanna know. BROOKE: Are you sure? PEYTON: (Nods) I mean it's not gonna change how I feel. BROOKE: About Lucas. PEYTON: Yeah, about him. Or you, or me. I don't know, aren't you tired of measuring yourself by what guys think? I just...I need to stop chasing boys and focus on myself more so. (Shrugs) BROOKE: (Nods) I hear ya. (Throws the letter into the bonfire.) Hoes over Beaus? (Holds her fist out.) (Peyton smiles and bangs fists with her.) BROOKE: (Frowning) I hope it wasn't money. (Peyton looks shocked and they both laugh.) FADE OUT: COMMERCIAL SET: [INT. CHARLESTON - AUTO SCHOOL - EVENING] (Keith walks into his new job and sees the whiteboard bearing the words 'Welcome! Mr. Scott'. He looks around at the work benches and equipment and a car with a broken windshield.) KEITH: (v.o) This hasn't been going on OK, it just, it just happened. FLASHBACK TO: [EXT. BEACH HOUSE - EVENING] DAN: Listen to me you son of a bitch! Those are the last words you're ever gonna speak to me. You are no longer my brother. You understand that?! You do not exist to me. (He smashes his car window with his fist.) END OF FLASHBACK: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHARLESTON - AUTO SCHOOL - EVENING] LUCAS: (o.s) Hey Keith? (Keith looks at him, startled.) I thought I might find you here. KEITH: (look about him as if he doesn't know where he is.) Yeah I was just, uh, standing here, listening to that voice in my head. LUCAS: And what's it saying? KEITH: It's saying if we leave this place today, we may never come back. LUCAS: (nodding) And what's the voice in your heart say? KEITH: Luke, you know that's not fair. I mean, you know Dan's a-he-he's a bad guy. You said it yourself; you hope that he would die. LUCAS: I said that for you. I know how bad you want this. KEITH: Yeah, yeah I do want this, don't you? LUCAS: Yeah, I do but it jus- KEITH: But what?! Why should we have to give it up?! I mean he was never a father to you, he-he leaves your mom when she's pregnant, he rides Nathan until he cracks under the strain. Whitey, Deb, every single life that he touches is worse because of it. And now we're just supposed to, you know, give it all up in his hour of need. (sighs) I'm sorry Luke but just give me one single reason...why I should go back. LUCAS: (smiles as he realises why he's going back.) Because he's your brother. (Keith sighs, looking down. He knows Lucas is right.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HALEY'S HOUSE - HALEY'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Haley is packing up all of her CD's and knick-knacks. She carries her things and stops at the door, looking around at her empty, old room. She turns the light off and walks out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - RECEPTION - EVENING] (Karen walks up to the patient informant.) KAREN: Excuse me. Uh, could you tell me what room Dan Scott is in? PATIENT INFORMANT: I'm sorry, he's in intensive care. Only immediate family allowed. KAREN: (pause) He's the uh, father of my son. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HOSPTIAL - WHITEY'S ROOM - EVENING] (A doctor is talking to Whitey.) DOCTOR: The tumour is pressing on your brain and affecting your vision. So...in the morning, we wanna go in and remove it. But there are risks involved. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NATHAN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Nathan walks into his apartment and finds a tearful Haley.) NATHAN: (concerned) Haley. What's wrong? HALEY: (crying) Um...I was just alphabetising our CD's (Takes CD's off the table) and um...we don't have any doubles. Not one. NATHAN: (He sees that she had taken off her wedding ring and put it onto a CD case.) So what? HALEY: So, 'Natalie Merchant' after 'NOZ' and 'Wilco' before the 'Wu-Tang Clan'? NATHAN: (shrugs) So you listen to crummy music. I can live with that. HALEY: (sadly) We made a mistake Nathan. NATHAN: Haley- HALEY: No. I'm-I'm not ready for this. I just, I just really wanna go home to my room (Starts dumping CD's in boxes.) You know, I'm not a wife; I'm not even a senior! NATHAN: Haley. Haley, listen this is not a mistake. HALEY: (crying) How can you be sure because there is nobody that thinks this thing can work. NATHAN: I do. (He picks up her wedding ring.) I promise you Haley. I will always be there for you, I will always protect you. OK? (Haley nods slightly.) I will always protect you. Always. (He puts the ring back onto her finger. FLASHBACK TO: [EXT. TREE HILL BEACH - MORNING] (Haley and Nathan are standing on a beach with a priest and Haley's parents. Nathan slips a ring onto Haley's finger.) NATHAN: Someday, this beach might wash away...the oceans may dry...the sun could dim but on that day, I'll still be loving you. Always and forever. I promise you Haley. (Haley smiles.) PRIEST: (o.s) And now, Haley, please repeat after me; I Haley, take you Nathan. HALEY: (Smiles at her parents.) I Haley, take you Nathan. PRIEST: To have and to hold, from this day forward. (We cut back to present day but still hear Haley's voiceover as she gives her vows.) [INT. KAREN'S CAF - DAY] (Karen is about to speak into the phone but turns as the caf door opens. She sees Lucas and smiles.) HALEY: (v.o) To have and to hold, from this day forward. (Karen hugs her son happily.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - WHITEY'S ROOM - EVENING] (Whitey looking sad and alone.) HALEY: (v.o) In sickness and in health. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - EVENING] (Deb is looking at her divorce papers.) HALEY: (v.o) For richer or poorer. (Deb flips to the back page and sees Dan's unfinished signature.) HALEY: (v.o) For better or worse. [SCENE_BREAK] {INT. TREE HILL BEACH - EVENING] (Brooke and Peyton are chasing each other playfully, on the beach, around their bonfire.) HALEY: (v.o) I promise, that I will love and cherish you- (The letter is still burning in the bonfire. The camera pans and we see Lucas' legs, then his face. Brooke and Peyton see him and stop dead.) HALEY: (v.o) And will deny all those that would come between us. (Brooke and Peyton look at each other and then back to Lucas, not knowing what to say to him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - DAN'S ROOM - EVENING] (Keith walks into Dan's hospital room and touches Deb on the shoulder.) HALEY: (v.o) I make this promise for eternity. (Deb stands and hugs Keith. He's shocked but hugs her back.) HALEY: (v.o) I promise that I will keep forever... (Pan across to show Dan regain consciousness and open his eyes.) HALEY: (v.o) Until the end of time. (He sees Deb hugging Keith.) HALEY: (v.o) Till death do us part.

In the second season premiere, after Lucas and Keith learn that Dan had a heart attack and is still in the hospital, they decide it is best for them to return to Tree Hill. When Deb learns about Haley and Nathan's marriage, she grows hostile. Meanwhile, angry that Lucas left Tree Hill without saying goodbye, Peyton and Brooke try to mend their friendship.[3] This episode is named after a song by PJ Harvey .

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A recap of 1x04 "Aliens of London". INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CONFERENCE ROOM With a huge effort, the Doctor manages to shake the electricity from his body. Sweating, he staggers to his feet with it held in his hand. THE DOCTOR: Deadly to humans, maybe. He plunges it into the chest of the Slitheen. Both Joseph and the Slitheen howl with pain. OPENING CREDITS INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM Margaret, also covered in the electricity, drops Indra's body from the wall. INT. TYLER'S FLAT, KITCHEN In the kitchen, the Slitheen who was attacking Jackie is also suffering. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CONFERENCE ROOM The Doctor dashes to the door, past the bodies. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM Rose grabs Harriet's hand and they run from the room, Harriet whimpering slightly, Rose just looking terrified. INT. TYLER'S FLAT, KITCHEN Jackie is still crouched on the floor in horror, watching the alien screeching in pain. Mickey appears in the doorway. MICKEY: Jackie! He whacks the Slitheen over the head with a chair, grabs Jackie's arms and pulls her out of the kitchen. He pauses in the doorway to take his phone out of his pocket and snap a picture of the Slitheen. He grins, and then runs to join Jackie. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, RECEPTION The Doctor finds security all gathered in reception. THE DOCTOR: Oi! You want aliens, you've got them. They're inside Downing Street. (Claps his hands). Come on! He leads them in the direction of the conference room, their guns at the ready. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CONFERENCE ROOM Joseph finally manages to deactivate the weapon, and the electricity disappears. He picks up the skin suit of General Asquith. SLITHEEN / ASQUITH: Reinstate my disguise! Hurry up! Hurry! Hurry! Joseph hastens to help the Slitheen into the skin suit. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, UPSTAIRS CORRIDORS Rose and Jackie run down a corridor. HARRIET: No, wait! (They stop). They're still in there! The emergency protocols! We need them! She runs back in the direction of the cabinet room. Rose follows her, but they are quickly forced to change direction as Margaret Slitheen comes their way. She chases them. They run across a hallway, Rose closing the door behind them. Margaret simply leaps through it. Rose and Harriet arrive back in another room, shutting the door behind them. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CONFERENCE ROOM The Doctor leads security into the meeting room, where Joseph is making the finishing touches to Asquith's skin suit. They both stop when they see the Doctor and security standing there. JOSEPH: Where've you been? Security start checking the bodies for any sign of life. JOSEPH (CONT'D): I called for help, I sounded the alarm. There was this... lightening! This kind of er... um... electricity, and they all collapsed! SGT. PRICE: I think they're all dead. JOSEPH: That's what I'm saying. He did it! (Points at the Doctor). That man there! THE DOCTOR: I think you will find the Prime Minister is an alien in disguise. Joseph folds his arms skeptically. The Doctor looks at the policeman next to him. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): That's never going to work, is it? POLICEMAN: Nope. THE DOCTOR: Fair enough. He runs for it. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CORRIDOR OUTSIDE CONFERENCE ROOM Security are hot on the Doctor's tail, and he soon finds himself surrounded. He puts his hands in the air, grinning. ASQUITH: Under the jurisdiction of the Emergency Protocols, I authorize you to execute this man! Security ready their guns. THE DOCTOR: Uh, well, now, yes. You see, eh... the thing is... if I was you, if I was going to execute someone by backing them against the wall, between you and me, little word of advice... (Life behind him pings open). Don't stand them against the lift! He backs into the lift and closes the door with his sonic screwdriver. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, UPSTAIRS CORRIDORS Margaret Slitheen is still chasing Rose and Harriet. Rose knees a locked door. The lift pings open, revealing the Doctor. Margaret roars at him, and he smiles and nods around at them all. THE DOCTOR (pleasantly): Hello! The doors shut again, distracting Margaret long enough for Rose and Harriet to slip away un-noticed. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, UPSTAIRS STATE ROOM Rose and Harriet find themselves in a room where all the doors are locked, a dead end. ROSE: Hide! They both hide themselves extremely poorly. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CORRIDOR The lift pings and the Doctor steps out on the second floor. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CORRIDOR OUTSIDE CONFERENCE ROOM Asquith and security are still standing next to the lift they backed the Doctor against. ASQUITH: I repeat, the upper floors are under quarantine. You will stay where you are. You will disregard all previous instructions. You will take your orders directly from me. The lift pings. Joseph and Asquith step into it. SGT. PRICE: Mr. Green, sir, I'm sorry but you've got to come with me. We should evacuate the entire building. JOSEPH: Sergeant, have you uh, read the Emergency Protocols? SGT. PRICE: No, sir. JOSEPH: Then don't question me. (Steps back into the lift). Seal off number 10, secure the ground floor, and if the Doctor makes it downstairs, shoot on site! He shuts the doors. The sergeant turns to face the others. SGT. PRICE: Well, you heard him! Move out! They do so. The sergeant follows them. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, LIFT ASQUITH: Let the sport begin. Joseph farts. JOSEPH: I'm getting poisoned by the gas exchange. I need to be naked! ASQUITH: Rejoice in it! Your body is... magnificent. They both undo the zips on their foreheads. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, UPSTAIRS STATE ROOM Margaret Slitheen enters. SLITHEEN / MARGARET (playfully): Oh, such fun! Little human children... where are you? Sweet little humeykins... come to me... let me kiss you better... Rose bolts from her hiding place behind a cabinet to take refuge behind the curtain. SLITHEEN / MARGARET (CONT'D): ...kiss you with my big, green lips. Hisses. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR The Doctor runs down a flight of stairs, hearing the Sergeant barking orders in the distance. Then he hears the lift ping, and hastily backtracks and hides in a crevice next to the door. The two Slitheen walk past. SLITHEEN / JOSEPH: We'll keep this floor quarantined as our last hunting ground before the final phase. The Doctor waits until they are out of sight. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, UPSTAIRS STATE ROOM The two Slitheen, Joseph and Asquith join Margaret. SLITHEEN/MARGARET: My brothers. SLITHEEN / JOSEPH: Happy hunting? SLITHEEN / MARGARET: It's wonderful. The more you prolong it, the more they stink. SLITHEEN / ASQUITH: Sweat... and fear. Harriet's mouth drops open with horror. SLITHEEN / JOSEPH: I can smell an old girl... stale bird... brittle bones. SLITHEEN / MARGARET: And a ripe youngster. All hormones and adrenaline. Fresh enough to bend before she snaps. Margaret sweeps the curtain aside revealing Rose, who screams. Harriet jumps out from her hiding place. HARRIET: No! Take me first! Take me! The Doctor crashes in and blasts a fire extinguisher in the Slitheen's faces. THE DOCTOR: Out! With me! Rose pulls the curtains down over Margaret's head and then both she and Margaret run to stand behind the Doctor. The Doctor looks at Harriet. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Who the hell are you? HARRIET: Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North. THE DOCTOR: Nice to meet you. HARRIET: Likewise. The Doctor blasts the fire extinguisher again. Then they run for it. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR THE DOCTOR: We need to get to the cabinet rooms! HARRIET: The Emergency Protocols are in there! They give instructions on aliens! THE DOCTOR: Harriet Jones, I like you. HARRIET: And I like you too. They run. The Doctor bypasses a locked door with his sonic screwdriver and the Slitheen pursue them all the way back to the cabinet room. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM / ADJOINING ROOM They have no time to close the door, so instead the Doctor picks up a bottle of brandy and hold his sonic screwdriver to it. THE DOCTOR: One more move and my sonic device will triplicate the flammability of this alcohol. Whoof! We all go up. So back off. The Slitheen hesitate. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Right then. Question time. Who exactly are the Slitheen? HARRIET: They're aliens. THE DOCTOR: Yes. I got that, thanks. SLITHEEN / JOSEPH: Who are you, if not human? HARRIET: Who's not human? ROSE: He's not human. HARRIET: He's not human? THE DOCTOR: Can I have a bit of hush? HARRIET: Sorry. THE DOCTOR: So, what's the plan? HARRIET: But he's got a Northern accent. ROSE: Lots of planets have a North. THE DOCTOR: I said hush. Come on! He holds the brandy threateningly out in front of him. THE DOCTOR: You've got a spaceship hidden in the North Sea. It's transmitting a signal. You've murdered your way to the top of government, what for? Invasion? SLITHEEN / ASQUITH: Why would we invade this God forsaken rock? THE DOCTOR: Then something's brought the Slitheen race here, what is it? SLITHEEN / ASQUITH: The Slitheen race? SLITHEEN / JOSEPH: Slitheen is not our species. Slitheen is our surname. Jocrassa Fel Fotch Pasameer Day Slitheen at your service. THE DOCTOR: So, you're family. SLITHEEN / JOSEPH: It's a family business. THE DOCTOR: Then you're out to make a profit. How can you do that on a "God forsaken rock"? SLITHEEN / ASQUITH: Ahhh... excuse me? Your device will do what? Triplicate the flammability...? THE DOCTOR: Is that what I said? SLITHEEN / ASQUITH: You're making it up! THE DOCTOR: Ah, well! Nice try. Harriet, have a drink. I think you're gonna need it. Offers her the brandy. HARRIET: Pass it to the left first. THE DOCTOR: Sorry. Hands it to Rose. ROSE: Thanks. SLITHEEN / ASQUITH: Now we can end this hunt... with a slaughter. He flexes his claws menacingly. The Doctor fold his arms. ROSE: Don't you think we should run? The Slitheen shuffle forward. THE DOCTOR: Fascinating history, Downing Street. Two thousand years ago, this was marsh land. 1730, it was occupied by a Mr. Chicken. He was a nice man. 1796, this was the cabinet room - if the cabinet's in session and in danger, these are about the four most safest walls in the whole of Great Britain. (Presses a switch near the door). End of lesson. Every entrance to the room is immediately blocked by metal shutters. The Doctor turns to Rose and Harriet. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Installed in 1991. Three inches of steel lining every single wall. They'll never get in. ROSE: And how do we get out? Pause. THE DOCTOR: Ah. INT.10 DOWNING STREET, ADJOINING ROOM JOSEPH: He is safely contained. Now, cut off communications inside that room, then summon the family, it's time we finished with this insane planet for good! They make to leave. EXT. POWELL ESTATE Jackie and Mickey emerge from a side door of the block of flats. They run stealthily across the yard to avoid detection from the policeman who still surround the building. They remain unnoticed. EXT. 10 DOWNING STREET REPORTER: And there's still no word from inside Downing Street, though we are getting even more new arrivals. He looks around as another fat man gets out of a car outside Downing Street. REPORTER (CONT'D): That's group Captain Tennant James of the RAF, though why he's been summoned, I've no idea. Another man emerges from a car. REPORTER (CONT'D): And that's ah... Ewan McAllister. Deputy Secretary for the Scottish Parliament. And this is most unusual! A fat woman makes her way to 10 Downing Street. REPORTER (CONT'D): I'm told that is Sylvia Dillane, chairman of the North Sea Boating Club. Quite what connects these people, we have no idea. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, RECEPTION Margaret comes down the stairs and greats Tennant James. MARGARET: Group Captain, delighted you could make it. We're meeting upstairs. He farts. MARGARET (CONT'D): That's the spirit. Off you go. Ewan McAllister stands in front of her - she shakes his hand. MARGARET (CONT'D): Good to see you! (Nods pleasantly at Sylvia). Come on through! Asquith stops the Sergeant as he goes past. ASQUITH: Ah! Sergeant, now that the Doctor's been neutralized, the upper levels are out of bounds, to everyone. SGT. PRICE: Then who are they? He nods towards the three newcomers who are now going up the stairs. ASQUITH: Ahh, Sergeant. I want you to liaise with communications, the acting Prime Minister will be making a public address. He will speak to the nations of the world. He walks off, leaving the Sergeant looking bewildered and confused. INT.10 DOWNING STREET, UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR Margaret is showing her family into a room. MARGARET: There you are, if you'd just like to go through and get changed. She ushers Sylvia into the room and grabs a coat hanger on her way to the other door. She takes a skin suit from an emerging Slitheen. MARGARET (CONT'D): Now, if you'd like to head down to the end corridor, it's first on the left. SLITHEEN: Thank you. Margaret hangs the skin suit up. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, KITCHEN Jackie and Mickey are in Mickey's kitchen. Mickey is holding a kettle. JACKIE: Have you got anything stronger? MICKEY: No chance, I've seen you when you've had a few, this ain't time for a conga. JACKIE (sits): We've gotta tell someone. MICKEY: Who do we trust? For all we know, they've all got big bog monsters inside of them. I mean, this is what he does, Jacks. (Brandishes a couple of mugs at her in his enthusiasm). Everywhere he goes, death and destruction, and he's got Rose in the middle of it. JACKIE: Has he got a great big green thing inside him, then? MICKEY: I wouldn't put it past him. (Takes a bottle of milk from the fridge). But like it or not, he's the only person who knows how to fight these things. JACKIE: I thought I was gonna die. She bursts into tears. Mickey gives her a quick hug. MICKEY: Come on, yeah? If anyone's gonna cry, it's gonna be me. Now, you're safe in my flat, Jacks, no one's gonna look for you here, especially since you hate me so much. JACKIE: You saved my life. God, that's embarrassing. MICKEY: You're telling me. They laugh slightly. JACKIE: He wanted me dead. And he's still out there, Mickey... (Stands). That policeman... that thing... EXT. POWELL ESTATE Strickland sniffs the air. He turns to another policeman behind him. STRICKLAND: Right, you head off. You're in full control, I've got one or two things that still need doing. I haven't quite finished with Mrs. Tyler yet... The other police officers nod and get in the car. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR Joseph goes up to Margaret who is adjusting the skin suit on the hangers. JOSEPH: Is that all of us? MARGARET: All the family except Sit Fel Fotch. He's found a hunt of his own. JOSEPH: Ah! They smile and he walks off. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM The Doctor drags Indra's body into a cupboard. THE DOCTOR: What was his name? HARRIET: Which one? THE DOCTOR This one, the secretary or whatever he was called. Harriet goes to look. HARRIET: I don't know. I talked to him. I brought him a cup of coffee. I never asked his name. The Doctor crosses Indra's hands over his body. THE DOCTOR: Sorry. (Strides into the room). Right, what have we got? Any terminals? Anything? ROSE: No. The place is antique. What I don't get, is when they killed the Prime Minister, why didn't they use him as a disguise? THE DOCTOR: He's too slim, they're big old beasts, they need to fit inside big humans. ROSE: But the Slitheen are about 8 feet, how do they squeeze inside? THE DOCTOR: That's the device around their necks, compression field, literally shrinks them down a bit. That's why there's all that gas, it's a big exchange. ROSE: Wish I had a compression field, I could fit a size smaller. HARRIET: Excuse me, people are dead, this is not the time for making jokes. ROSE: Sorry... you get used to this stuff when you're friends with him. She indicates the Doctor, who is busy scanning the walls with his sonic screwdriver. HARRIET: Well, that's a strange friendship. THE DOCTOR: Harriet Jones, I've heard that name before, Harriet Jones. You're not famous for anything, are you? HARRIET: Huh! Hardly. THE DOCTOR: Rings a bell, Harriet Jones... He looks as though he is struggling to remember something. HARRIET: Lifelong back bencher I'm afraid, and a fat lot of use I'm being now, the protocols are redundant, they list the people who can help and they're all dead downstairs. ROSE: Hasn't it got like, defence codes and things? Can we just launch a nuclear bomb at 'em? HARRIET (stares): You're a very violent young woman... ROSE: I'm serious! We could! HARRIET: Well, there's nothing like that in here. Nuclear strikes do need a release code, yes, but it's kept secret by the United Nations. The Doctor stops scanning the mantelpiece with his sonic screwdriver to listen. THE DOCTOR: Say that again. HARRIET: What, about the codes? THE DOCTOR: Anything. All of it. HARRIET: Um, well... the British Isles can't gain access to atomic weapons without a special resolution from the UN. ROSE: Like that's every stopped them. HARRIET: Exactly, given our past record, and I voted against that, thank you very much. The codes have been taken out of the governments hands and given to the UN. The Doctor is deep in thought. HARRIET (CONT'D): Is it important? THE DOCTOR: Everything's important. HARRIET: If we only knew what the Slitheen wanted. Listen to me, I'm saying "Slitheen" as if it's normal. ROSE: What do they want, though? THE DOCTOR: Well, it's just one family so it's not an invasion. They don't want Slitheen world... they're out to make money, which means they want to use something, something here on Earth... some kind of asset. HARRIET: Like what? Gold? Oil? Water? THE DOCTOR: You're very good at this. HARRIET (pleased): Thank you. THE DOCTOR: Harriet Jones, why do I know that name? Rose's phone goes off. ROSE: Oh! That's me. She takes her phone out of her pocket. HARRIET: But we're sealed off, how did you get a signal? ROSE: He zapped it! Super-phone. HARRIET (to the Doctor): Then we can phone for help! You must have contacts. THE DOCTOR: Dead downstairs, yeah. ROSE: It's Mickey. THE DOCTOR: Oh, tell your stupid boyfriend we're busy. ROSE: Yeah, he's not so stupid after all. She hands the Doctor her phone. Mickey has sent her the photo of the Slitheen in Jackie's kitchen. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM Mickey and Jackie enter Mickey's bedroom, Mickey checking around the door first. He is on the phone to Rose. MICKEY: No, no, no, no, no, not just alien, but like, proper alien. All stinking, and wet, and disgusting. And more to the point, it wanted to kill us! JACKIE: I could've died! Mickey gestures violently at Jackie. ROSE: Is she alright, though? Don't put her on, just tell me. The Doctor snatches the phone from her. THE DOCTOR: Is that Ricky? Don't talk, just shut up and go to your computer. MICKEY: It's Mickey. And why should I? THE DOCTOR: Mickey the Idiot, I might just choke before I finish this sentence, but eh, I need you. Rose smiles. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM Mickey is on the UNIT website. MICKEY: It says password. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM The Doctor is putting the mobile on speakerphone. THE DOCTOR: Say again. MICKEY: It's asking for the password. THE DOCTOR: Buffalo, two Fs, one L. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM Jackie puts down two cups of tea on the computer desk. JACKIE: So, what's that website? Mickey finishes typing in the password and turns to her as the page loads. MICKEY: All the secret information known to mankind. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM MICKEY (CONT'D): See, they've known about aliens for years, they just kept us in the dark. THE DOCTOR: Mickey, you were born in the dark. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM ROSE: Oh, leave him alone. MICKEY: Thank you. Password again. THE DOCTOR: Just repeat it, every time. Mickey hands Jackie the phone as he types it in again. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM THE DOCTOR: Big Ben, why did the Slitheen hit Big Ben? HARRIET: You said to gather the experts, to kill them. THE DOCTOR: That lot would've gathered for a weather balloon, you don't need to crash land in the middle of London. ROSE: The Slitheen were hiding, and then they put the entire planet on red alert, what would they do that for? INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM JACKIE: Oh, listen to her. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM ROSE: At least I'm trying! INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM JACKIE: Well, I've got a question if you don't mind. Because since that man walked into our lives, I have been attacked in the streets. I have had creatures from the pits of hell in my own living room, and my daughter's disappeared off the face of the Earth. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM ROSE: I told you what happened. JACKIE: I'm talking to him. 'Cause I've seen this life of yours, Doctor. And maybe you get off on it. And maybe you think it's all clever and smart, but you tell me. Just answer me this - is my daughter safe? INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM Mickey looks around at her. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM The Doctor stares intently at the phone. ROSE: I'm fine. JACKIE: Is she safe? Will she always be safe? Can you promise me that? The Doctor glances up at Rose, who looks back at him. They stare at each other. JACKIE: Well, what's the answer? INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM Mickey grabs the phone off Jackie, breaking the moment. MICKEY: We're in. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM Let off the hook, the Doctor rushes around the table. THE DOCTOR: Right then, on the left, there's a tab, an icon, little concentric circles. Click on that. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM MICKEY: What is it? THE DOCTOR: The Slitheen have got a spaceship in the North Sea and it's transmitting that signal, now hush, let me work out what it's saying. JACKIE: He'll have to answer me one day. MICKEY (gesturing violently): Hush! THE DOCTOR: It's some sort of message. ROSE: What's it say? THE DOCTOR: Don't know, it's on a loop, keeps repeating. Mickey's doorbell rings. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Hush! MICKEY: That's not me. (To Jackie). Go and see who that is. JACKIE: It's three o'clock in the morning. MICKEY: Well go and tell them that. Jackie gives him a look as she gets up. Mickey shakes his head. THE DOCTOR: It's beaming out into space, who's it for? INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, HALLWAY The doorbell rings more persistently. JACKIE: Alright! She opens the door to reveal Strickland. STRICKLAND: Mrs Tyler. Jackie slams it shut again and runs back to Mickey's room squealing. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM JACKIE: It's him! It's the thing, it's the Slickeen! MICKEY: They've found us. THE DOCTOR: Mickey, I need that signal. ROSE: Never mind the signal, mum just get out! Get out! Get out! Mickey picks up a cricket bat. MICKEY: We can't, it's by the front door. EXT. MICKEY'S FLAT Outside the front door, the Slitheen takes his body suit off. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, HALLWAY Jackie and Mickey see the blue light shining beneath the cracks around the door. MICKEY: Oh, my God. It's unmasking. It's gonna kill us. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM HARRIET: There's got to be some way of stopping them! (To the Doctor): You're supposed to be the expert, think of something! THE DOCTOR: I'm trying! INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, HALLWAY The Slitheen makes worrying noises from outside. MICKEY: I'll take it on, Jackie. You just run. Don't look back. Just run. He squares himself in front of the door. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM Down the phone, they hear the Slitheen smashing the door in. ROSE: That's my mother. THE DOCTOR: Right! If we're going to find their weakness, we need to find out where they're from - which planet. So, judging by their face and shape, that narrows it down to five thousand planets within travelling distance. What else do we know about them? Information! ROSE: They're green. THE DOCTOR: Yep, narrows it down. ROSE: Uh, good sense of smell. THE DOCTOR: Narrows it down. ROSE: They can smell adrenaline. THE DOCTOR: Narrows it down. HARRIET: The compression technology. THE DOCTOR: Narrows it down. ROSE: The spaceship in the Thames, you said slipstream engine? THE DOCTOR: Narrows it down. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, HALLWAY The Slitheen punches a hole through the door. MICKEY: It's getting in! INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM ROSE: Oh! They hunt like it's a ritual. THE DOCTOR: Narrows it down. HARRIET: Wait a minute! Did you notice, when they fart, if you'll pardon the word, it doesn't just smell like a fart; if you'll pardon the word, it's something else, what is it, it's more like uh... um... ROSE: Bad breath! HARRIET: That's it! THE DOCTOR: Calcium decay! Now that narrows it down! ROSE: We're getting there, mum! INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, HALLWAY MICKEY: Too late! The Slitheen is still having some trouble getting through the door. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM THE DOCTOR: Calcium phosphate, organic calcium, living calcium, creatures made out of living calcium, what else, what else, hyphenated sodium, yes! That narrows it down to one planet! Raxacoricofallapatorius! INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, HALLWAY MICKEY: Oh, yeah, great. We could write 'em a letter. The Slitheen kicks half the door down and begins to step through it. THE DOCTOR: Get into the kitchen! Jackie and Mickey back into the kitchen. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, KITCHEN They slam the door, trying to bar it shut with a chair and a dustbin as the Slitheen throws its weight against it. JACKIE: My God, it's going to rip us apart! INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM THE DOCTOR: Calcium, recombined with compression field, ascetic acid. Vinegar! HARRIET: Just like Hannibal! THE DOCTOR: Just like Hannibal. Mickey, have you got any vinegar? MICKEY: How should I know? THE DOCTOR: It's your kitchen. ROSE: Cupboard by the sink, middle shelf. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, KITCHEN Jackie snatches the phone from Mickey. JACKIE: Give it here, what do you need? THE DOCTOR: Anything with vinegar! Jackie grabs a jug and opens the cupboard. JACKIE: Gherkins! The Slitheen is poking holes in the door with its claws. JACKIE (CONT'D): Yeah! Pickled onions! She adds them to the jug. Mickey has the bat raised ready. JACKIE: Picked eggs! INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM THE DOCTOR (to Rose): You kiss this man? INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, KITCHEN The Slitheen finally kicks down the door and enters the kitchen. Jackie and Mickey back against the counter. Jackie chucks the vinegar all over it. There is a few seconds silence and then it explodes, splattering the whole room, Jackie and Mickey with green goo. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM Having heard the bang, the Doctor, Rose and Harriet all breath a sigh of relief. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, KITCHEN Mickey lowers his bat. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM ROSE: Hannibal? HARRIET: Hannibal crossed the Alps by dissolving boulders with vinegar. ROSE: Oh. Well, there you go then. They raise their glasses in toast, and drink. ROSE (CONT'D): Phew! INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, RECEPTION Downstairs, Asquith approaches Joseph. ASQUITH: He's dead. Sip Fel Fotch Pasameer, Day Slitheen is dead. JOSEPH: I felt it. How could that happen? ASQUITH: Somebody must've got lucky. JOSEPH: That's the last piece of luck anyone on this rock will ever have. EXT. 10 DOWNING STREET Joseph and Asquith walk out of the doors of 10 Downing Street, to address the crowd outside. He faces the camera. JOSEPH: Ladies and Gentlemen, Nations of the World, Human Kind. The greatest experts in extra-terrestrial events came here tonight. They gathered in the common cause. But the news I bring you now is grave indeed. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, LIVING ROOM Mickey, wiping the goo off himself with a towel, comes into the living room to watch Joseph on the TV. JOSEPH (CONT'D): The experts are dead. Murdered, right in front of me by alien hands. Peoples of the Earth, heed my words. These visitors do not come in peace. Mickey takes the phone off Jackie. MICKEY: Listen to this. He holds the phone to the TV. JOSEPH: Our inspectors have searched the sky above our heads and they have found massive weapons of destruction, capable of being deployed within 45 seconds. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM The Doctor, Rose and Harriet are crowded around the phone, listening to him. THE DOCTOR: What? JOSEPH: Our technicians can, baffle, the alien probes. But not for long. We are facing extinction. Unless we strike first. The United Kingdom stands directly beneath the belly of the mother ship. I beg the United Nations - pass an emergency resolution. Give us the access codes! A nuclear strike at the heart of the ship is our only chance of survival. Because... from this moment on... it is my solemn duty to inform you... planet Earth is at war. THE DOCTOR: He's making it up. There's no weapons up there, there's no threat. He just invented it. HARRIET: Do you think they'll believe him? ROSE: They did last time. THE DOCTOR: That's why the Slitheen went for spectacle. They want the whole world panicking, because you lot, you get scared, you lash out. ROSE: They release the defence codes... THE DOCTOR: And the Slitheen go nuclear. HARRIET: But why? The Doctor opens the metal shutters. The Slitheen are still standing outside the door. THE DOCTOR: You get the codes, release the missiles. But not into space because there's nothing there. You attack every other country on Earth, they retaliate, fight back. World War Three, whole planet gets nuked. Margaret Slitheen, still in her skin suit, stands before the Doctor. MARGARET: And we can sit through it in our spaceship waiting in the Thames. Not crashed. Just parked. They'll be two minutes away. HARRIET: But you'll destroy the planet, this beautiful place. What for? THE DOCTOR: Profit. That's what the signal is beaming into space, an advert. MARGARET: Sale of the century. We reduce the Earth to molten slag, then sell it. Piece by piece. Radioactive chucks capable of powering every cut-price star liner and budget cargo ship. There's a recession out there, Doctor. People are buying cheap. This rock becomes raw fuel. THE DOCTOR: At the cost of 5 billion lives. MARGARET: Bargain. THE DOCTOR: Then I give you the choice: leave this planet or I'll stop you. The Slitheen all burst out laughing. MARGARET: What? You? Trapped in your box? The Doctor does not look remotely abashed. He stares her out. THE DOCTOR: Yes. Me. Margaret laughs again, but nervously. The Doctor fixes her in his gaze and closes the shutters. The smirk fades from Margaret's face. EXT. EMBANKMENT London is almost completely deserted. REPORTER: Yesterday saw the start of a brave new world. Today might see it end. The streets are deserted. Everyone's home - just waiting. As the future is decided in New York. INT. STUDIO NEWSREADER: It's midnight here in New York. The United Nations has gathered. England has provided them with absolute proof that the massive weapons of mass destruction do exist. The security counsel will be making a resolution in a matter of minutes. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, LIVING ROOM Mickey picks up the phone from the top of the TV. NEWSREADER (CONT'D): And once the codes are released, humanity's first interplanetary war begins. Jackie is watching the TV biting her nails, scared and anxious. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, RECEPTION Inside 10 Downing Street, Margaret and Asquith make to go up the stairs as Joseph pauses at the bottom to talk to the Sergeant. JOSEPH: Sergeant. We'll take the call in the Prime Minister's office. Maintain the oppositions. Good luck. They shake hands. Asquith pats him genially on the shoulder, and the Sergeant resumes his post at the bottom of the stairs. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE Margaret, Asquith and Joseph bundle their way into the Prime Minister's office, all insanely excited. MARGARET: Oh! Look at that! The telephone is actually red. She blows it a kiss. Joseph sits down behind the desk, farting as he does so. JOSEPH (excitedly): How long 'til they phone?! ASQUITH: Counting down...! INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM Jackie is on the phone again. JACKIE: Alright, Doctor. I'm not saying I trust you, but there must be something you can do. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM HARRIET: If we ferment the porch, we could make ascetic acid. ROSE: Mickey, any luck? MICKEY: There's loads of emergency numbers, they're all on voicemail. The Doctor is standing quietly with his arms folded, leaning against the wall away from the other two. He is deep in thought. HARRIET: Voicemail dooms us all. ROSE: If we could just get out of here... THE DOCTOR: There's a way out. ROSE: What? She turns to face him incredulously. THE DOCTOR: There's always been a way out. ROSE: Then why don't we use it? The Doctor strides over to the table and leans over to speak into the phone. THE DOCTOR (to Jackie): Because I can't guarantee your daughter will be safe. JACKIE: Don't you dare. Whatever it is, don't you dare. THE DOCTOR: That's the thing, if I don't dare, everyone dies. ROSE: Do it. The Doctor looks up at her. THE DOCTOR: You don't even know what it is, you'd just let me? ROSE (simply): Yeah. The Doctor stares at her. JACKIE: Please, Doctor. Please! She's my daughter, she's just a kid! THE DOCTOR: Do you think I don't know that? Because this is my life, Jackie, it's not fun, it's not smart, it's just standing up and making a decision because nobody else will. ROSE (softly): Then what're you waiting for? The Doctor looks up at her again. THE DOCTOR: I could save the world but lose you. They stare intensely into each others eyes for a long moment until Rose averts her gaze with a shy smile. HARRIET: Except it's not your decision, Doctor. It's mine. JACKIE (angrily): And who the hell are you? HARRIET: Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North. The only elected representative in this room, chosen by the people, for the people, and on behalf of the people I command you. Do it. The Doctor looks back at Rose and grins. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE Joseph, Margaret and Asquith are still waiting for the phone to ring. JOSEPH: Victory... should be naked! He unzips his forehead. The other two follow suit. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM Rose jumps onto the table. ROSE: How do we get out? Doctor opens the briefcase containing the emergency protocols. THE DOCTOR: We don't. We stay here. He opens the emergency protocols. INT. STUDIO In New York, the newsreader receives new information through her earpiece. NEWS READER : The counsel is voting. The results should be known any second now. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE The Slitheen finish removing their skin suits. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM The Doctor shuffles through the protocols and then turns to address Mickey. THE DOCTOR: Use the buffalo password, it overrides everything. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM Mickey types the password in. Jackie watches him. JACKIE: What're you doing? MICKEY (as though he can't quite believe what he is saying): Hacking into the Royal Navy. (After a moment). We're in. Here it is, uh... H.M.S. Taurean, Trafalgar Class Submarine, 10 miles off the coast of Plymouth. Jackie stands, agitated. THE DOCTOR: Right, we need to select a missile. MICKEY: We can't go nuclear, we don't have the defence codes. THE DOCTOR: We don't need it, all we need is an ordinary missile. What's the first category?MICKEY: Sub Haffoon, UGMA4A. THE DOCTOR: That's the one. Select. Jackie walks up behind Mickey. JACKIE: I could stop you. MICKEY (turns): Do it, then. THE DOCTOR: Ready for this? Mickey and Jackie stare at each other for a few more seconds, but Jackie doesn't move. MICKEY: Yeah. He looks back at the screen. Jackie sits back down. THE DOCTOR: Mickey the Idiot. The world is in your hands. Fire. Breathing heavily, Mickey screws up his eyes and clicks the Fire button. EXT. OCEAN 10 miles off the coast of Plymouth, a missile launches itself out of the sea. INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM JACKIE: Oh, my God. The missile is shown on the screen. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM Harriet taps the steel shutters. HARRIET: How solid are these? THE DOCTOR: Not solid enough, built for short range attack, nothing this big. ROSE: Alright. Now I'm making the decision. I'm not gonna die, we're gonna ride this one out. (Opens the cupboard door). It's like what they say about earthquakes, you can survive 'em by standing under a doorframe. Now this cupboard's small so it's strong. Come and help me! Come on! Harriet hurries to help her. EXT. OCEAN The missile soars over the sea. INT. STUDIO NEW YORK NEWSREADER The vote is in. The counsel says... yes. They are releasing the codes. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE The Slitheen family are now all gathered around the phone. SLITHEEN / JOSEPH: Ring, damn you! INT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BEDROOM Mickey is still staring at the computer screen. MICKEY: It's on radar. Counter defence 556. THE DOCTOR: Stop them intercepting it. MICKEY: I'm doing it now. THE DOCTOR: Good boy. Mickey taps a few keys. MICKEY: 556 neutralized. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM The Doctor rips the mobile off speaker phone. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CONFERENCE ROOM Downstairs, the Sergeant rushes to a computer terminal, looking over the operator's shoulder. SGT PRICE: What do you mean, "incoming"? The operator points at the screen where the missile shows up on radar. EXT. OVER LONDON The missile soars over London. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, RECEPTION The Sergeant smashes the glass on the fire alarm, which goes off. SGT. PRICE: Everybody out! Now! Get out! Everyone runs to the door. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE The Slitheen family hear the alarm. JOSEPH: What the hell is that for? The Sergeant bursts in. SGT PRICE: Sir, there's a missile! The Slitheen all look round at him. SGT PRICE (CONT'D): ...Sorry. He runs out again. EXT. MICKEY'S FLAT, BALCONY The missile soars past Mickey's flat. Jackie runs out onto the balcony to watch it. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE Two of the female Slitheen are fighting over Margaret's skin suit. SLITHEEN 1: That's mine! SLITHEEN 2: No, mine! The others are all struggling to get back inside their skin suits. EXT. 10 DOWNING STREET A hoard of security guards run out of the door of 10 Downing Street. The Sergeant fires a gun into the air. SGT PRICE: Everybody run! Everyone runs. He looks up into the sky to see the missile making straight for 10 Downing Street. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM Rose, the Doctor and Harriet bundle into the cupboard. The crouch in a corner, Rose and Harriet either side of the Doctor. HARRIET: Nice knowing you both. They all hold hands. HARRIET (CON'T): Hannibal! They brace themselves. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE The second before the missile hits, the Slitheen all look up. SLITHEEN: Oh, boll... The missile hits. EXT. 10 DOWNING STREET The whole of 10 Downing Street explodes in flames. INT. 10 DOWNING STREET, CABINET ROOM The Doctor, Rose and Harriet are all severely shaken around in their cupboard. Then it stops. EXT. 10 DOWNING STREET The place is in ruins, smoking. Then, the Doctor, Rose and Harriet emerge from the wreckage. Harriet looks around. HARRIET: Made in Britain. The Sergeant hurries over to them. SGT PRICE: Are you alright? HARRIET (flashing her ID card at him): Harriet Jones. MP, Flydale North. I want you to contact UN immediately, tell the ambassadors the crisis is over and they can step down. Go on, tell the news! SGT PRICE: Yes, ma'am. He hurries away again. HARRIET: Someone's got a hell of a job sorting this lot out. Oh, Lord! We haven't even got a Prime Minister! THE DOCTOR: Well, maybe you should have a go. HARRIET: Me? (Laughs). I'm only a back-bencher. ROSE: I'd vote for ya! HARRIET: Now, don't be silly. Rose and the Doctor grin. HARRIET (CONT'D): Look, I'd better go and see if I can help. She climbs over the rubble towards the crowd of people. The Doctor beams at Rose. HARRIET (CONT'D): Hang on! (Shouts over to the crowd). The Earth is safe! Sergeant! The Doctor and Rose walk together. THE DOCTOR: I thought I knew the name. He watches her hurry over to the cameras and ambulances. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Harriet Jones, future Prime Minister. Elected for three successive terms, the architect of Britain's Golden Age. HARRIET: The crisis has passed! Ladies and Gentlemen, I have something to say to you all! Rose and the Doctor watch her fondly from a distance. Then they turn and walk away. Harriet speaks to the camera. HARRIET (CONT'D): Mankind stands tall, proud, and undefeated. God bless the human race. She beams around at them all. INT. TYLER'S FLAT, LIVING ROOM Rose enters her flat, and is greeted with a huge hug from a relieved Jackie. They both close their eyes, happy to be together again. INT. TARDIS The Doctor enters the TARDIS, looking very pleased with himself. He starts the engines and grins up at it. INT. TYLER'S FLAT, LIVING ROOM Rose is sitting on the chair in front of the TV, watching a repeat of Harriet Jones' speech. HARRIET: Mankind stands tall, proud. Jackie comes in. JACKIE (contemptuously): Harriet Jones. Who does she think she is? Look at her! Taking all the credit. Should be you on there. (Addresses TV): My daughter saved the world! ROSE: I think the Doctor helped a bit... JACKIE (sitting down): Oh, alright then. Him too. You should be given knighthoods. ROSE: That's not the way he does things. No fuss, he just... moves on. He's not that bad if you gave him a chance. JACKIE: He's good in a crisis, I'll give him that. ROSE: Oh! Now the world has changed, you're saying nice things about him. JACKIE: Well, I reckon I've got no choice! There's no getting rid of him since you're infatuated. ROSE (unconvincingly): I'm not infatuated... JACKIE: What does he eat? ROSE: How do you mean? JACKIE: I was gonna do shepherds pie. Rose sniggers. JACKIE (CONT'D): All of us. A proper sit down. 'Cause... I'm ready to listen. I wanna learn about you and him and that life you lead. Only, I dunno, he's an alien. For all I know, he eats grass and safety pins and things. ROSE: He'll have shepherd pie. You're gonna cook for him? JACKIE: What's wrong with that? ROSE: He's finally met his match. JACKIE: You're not too old for a slap, you know. Rose giggles. Jackie gets up and goes to the kitchen. JACKIE (CONT'D): You can go and visit your gran tomorrow. Rose's mobile rings. JACKIE (CONT'D): You'd better learn some French. I told her you were in France. I said you were au-pairing. The caller ID on the screen of Rose's mobile reads 'TARDIS calling' complete with a little TARDIS icon. Rose answers. ROSE: Hello? INT. TARDIS THE DOCTOR: Right, I'll be a couple of hours, then we can go. ROSE (incredulous): You've got a phone? THE DOCTOR: You think I can travel through space and time and I haven't got a phone? (Laughs contemptuously). Like I said, couple of hours... I've just got to send out this dispersal...(Presses a button). There you go. That's cancelling out the Slitheen's advert in case any bargain hunters turn up. INT. TYLER'S FLAT, LIVING ROOM ROSE: My mother's cooking. INT. TARDIS THE DOCTOR: Good! Put her on a slow heat and let her simmer. ROSE: She's cooking tea. For us. THE DOCTOR: I don't do that. INT. TYLER'S FLAT, LIVING ROOM ROSE: She wants to get to know you. INT. TARDIS THE DOCTOR: Tough! I've got better things to do! ROSE: It's just tea. THE DOCTOR: Not to me it isn't. ROSE: She's my mother. THE DOCTOR: Well, she's not mine! ROSE: That's not fair! THE DOCTOR: Well, you can stay there if you want! (Pause). But right now there's this plasma storm brewing in the horse head nebula. INT. TYLER'S FLAT, LIVING ROOM Rose listens to him intently. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Fires are burning 10 million miles wide. I could fly the TARDIS right into the heart of it then ride the shock wave all the way out - hurtle right across the sky and end up anywhere. INT. TARDIS THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Your choice. He hangs up. INT. TYLER'S FLAT, LIVING ROOM He hangs up. Rose ends the call slowly and presses the phone to her lips, deep in thought. INT. TARDIS The Doctor pauses for a second and then goes back to the console. INT. TYLER'S FLAT, LIVING ROOM Jackie comes back into the living room with two cups of tea. JACKIE: Rose, I was thinking... Rose's seat is empty, so Jackie walks in the direction of Rose's bedroom instead. JACKIE (CONT'D): I've got that bottle of Amaretto from New Years Eve, does he drink? INT. TYLERS' FLAT, ROSE'S BEDROOM Jackie opens the door to Rose's bedroom. Rose is stuffing some clothes into a bag. Jackie watches her. JACKIE: I was wondering whether he drinks or not. ROSE: Yeah, he does. She continues stuffing the clothes into the bag. JACKIE (quietly): Don't go, sweetheart. Rose stops for a moment and looks around at her. JACKIE: Please don't go. Guiltily, Rose continues to pack. EXT. POWELL ESTATE It is night time. Mickey is sitting reading a newspaper on a bin outside the TARDIS. The small boy who graffiti'd the TARDIS the previous day is now busy cleaning it off again. The Doctor pokes his head around the door. THE DOCTOR: Good lad. Graffiti that again and I'll 'ave ya. Now, beat it. The little boy scurries off. The Doctor grins. Mickey glances after him. The Doctor walks over to Mickey. MICKEY: I just went down the shop. And I was thinking, you know, like the whole world's changed. Aliens and spaceships all in public. And here it is. He shows the Doctor the front page of the newspaper, headlined "Alien Hoax?". The Doctor gives a small smile. MICKEY (CONT'D): How could they do that? They saw it! THE DOCTOR: They're just not ready. You're happy to believe in something that's invisible, but if it's staring you in the face, nope! Can't see it! There's a scientific explanation for that. You're thick. Mickey laughs. MICKEY: We're just idiots. THE DOCTOR: Well, not all of you. MICKEY (surprised): Yeah? THE DOCTOR: Present for you, Mickey. (hands Mickey a disc). That's a virus. Put it online, it'll destroy every mention of me. I'll cease to exist. MICKEY: What do you want to do that for? THE DOCTOR: 'Cos you're right. I am dangerous. I don't want anybody following me. In the background, Jackie and Rose emerge from the flats. MICKEY: How can you say that, and then take her with you? Gestures Rose. THE DOCTOR: You could look after her. Come with us. MICKEY: I can't. This life of yours... it's just too much, I... I couldn't do it. (As Jackie and Rose approach). Don't tell her I said that. JACKIE (to Rose, pleading): I'll get a proper job. I'll work weekends, I'll pass my test and if Jim comes round again, I'll say no. I really will. ROSE: I'm not leaving 'cos of you. I'm travelling, that's all. And then I'll come back! JACKIE: But it's not safe. ROSE: Mum... if you saw it out there... you'd never stay home. She turns to the Doctor, taking her backpack off her shoulders. THE DOCTOR (sarcastically): Got enough stuff? ROSE: Last time I stepped in there, it was spur of the moment. She throws an enormous bag into the Doctor's arms. ROSE (CONT'D): Now I'm signing up. You're stuck with me. Haha. Rose goes up to Mickey - Jackie looks the Doctor up and down. ROSE (to Mickey): Come with us. There's plenty of room. Mickey gestures to the Doctor. THE DOCTOR: No chance, he's ah, a liability, I'm not having him on board. ROSE: We'd be dead without him. THE DOCTOR: My decision is final. Rose turns back to Mickey. ROSE: Sorry. They kiss briefly. Mickey gives a small wave as she backs away. MICKEY: Good luck, then. JACKIE (rounding on the Doctor): You still can't promise me. What if she gets lost? What if something happens to you, Doctor, and she's left all alone standing on some moon a million light years away - how long do I wait then? The Doctor stands there hugging Rose's backpack, not really having an answer, but Rose comes to his rescue. ROSE: Mum... Jackie spins around to face Rose. ROSE (CONT'D): You're forgetting, it's a time machine. I could go travelling around suns and planets and all the way out to the edge of the universe and by the time I get back, yeah, ten seconds would have passed. Just ten seconds. (Puts her hands on Jackie's shoulders, smiles kindly). So stop worrying. See you in ten seconds time. Hmm? She hugs her. The Doctor steps into the TARDIS. Rose follows him. Mickey gives a small wave and Rose shuts the door, leaving Mickey and Jackie alone outside. The TARDIS dematerialises. Jackie keeps her eyes on her watch as they stand in silence, then... JACKIE: Ten seconds. She walks back to the flats. Mickey settles himself back on top of the dustbin with the newspaper.

The Doctor learns that the Slitheen are not invading Earth, but rather raiding it for commercial profit. The Slitheen claim there is a threat to national security and request that the United Nations release the nuclear activation code, so they can strike down a dangerous ship hovering over London. The Doctor speculates they will fire at other countries and start World War III , which the Slitheen respond in the affirmative, explaining that they will sell the irradiated remains of Earth as cheap spaceship fuel. Meanwhile, another Slitheen breaks into Mickey's flat where the acetic acid in vinegar is used to destroy it. The Doctor helps Mickey to fire a non-nuclear missile at 10 Downing Street to destroy the Slitheen gathered there. The Doctor, Rose, and MP Harriet Jones manage to hide in a reinforced room and survive. Meanwhile, the Doctor has earned Jackie's trust and she allows Rose to continue travelling with him.

fd_Frasier_06x11

fd_Frasier_06x11_0

Act 1 Scene 1 - Caf Nervosa Fade in. Roz and Frasier are seated at a table near the counter. The caf is very busy and all the waiters are engaged. Roz: So when's Freddie comin' in? Frasier: Oh, actually, he's arriving in a few hours, I'm picking him up at the airport. Gosh, you know, I'm so excited to see him. It was Lilith's turn to have him for his birthday this year, but apparently there was an accident at the lab. One of her monkeys bit her on the tongue. Roz: [disturbed] What exactly was she doing with the monkey? Frasier: She was teaching them sign language. I guess one of them made a disparaging remark about her new haircut, she stuck her tongue out. Roz: Wow! How bad does a haircut have to be for a monkey to hate it? Frasier: [rising] Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to get myself a cup of coffee. [He notices something.] Oh, somebody dropped a wallet. Roz: Hmmm. Is he cute? Frasier: It's hard to tell from a driver's license photo, but he is five foot six, weighs two hundred pounds and has corrective lenses. Roz: Leave it on the floor! Frasier: Well, thank God I don't share your "Good deeds for hunks only" policy. [to counterman] Excuse me, I just found this... A man comes in behind him. Man: Hey, hey, is that my wallet you got there? Frasier: Is it? I just found it on the floor over there, I was just about to leave it at the counter. Please, no reward. Man: What happened to my cash? Frasier: Well, I don't know. It was empty when I found it. Man: Yeah, right! I had seven bucks in here! Frasier: Well I'm sure some lucky thief is off enjoying a matinee and a small soda! Man: At least you left my credit card! Jerk! [He stalks off.] Frasier: Would you please bring me my usual? [He returns to the table.] Do you believe that guy? I do him a favor, he accuses me of stealing! Roz: Oh, please. The world is full of creeps like that. Haven't you figured that out yet? Frasier: Well, I'm sorry, Roz, but I still believe people are basically good. Bulldog comes in and crouches next to their table. Bulldog: Hey, guys, I'm glad you're here. I need to talk to you about something. Frasier: What can I do for you, Bulldog? Bulldog: My mom's having bypass surgery tomorrow morning, and I'd like to sit up with her tonight at the hospital. But I gotta work the eleven-to-one spot. I don't suppose you could... Roz: Oh, right! Like we don't know there's a big fight in Vegas tonight! Bulldog: Look, I know I've jerked you guys around before, but this is serious. Frasier: Bulldog, I'm sorry, Frederick's coming in tonight, it's his birthday. Bulldog: [taking out a cell phone and dialing] OK, Doc. Never mind, I understand. Hello, Bernice Briscoe's room, please. I hope my mom's around to celebrate her next birthday. Hi, Mom. It's Bobby. Um, look, I'm gonna have to work tonight after all... Frasier: Bulldog, wait a minute. You know what? Frederick will probably be asleep by eleven, I guess we could take your spot... Roz: Are you insane?! How can you be so gullible? He is not talking to his mother! She grabs Bulldog's phone and starts in with a very sarcastic voice. Roz: Does somebody have a boo-boo on her heart? Is someone gonna have to open you up with those big old rib spreaders? [then] Oh, Mrs. Briscoe, I'm so sorry. Listen, I just wanted you to know that we'll fill in for Bobby tonight. Bulldog: Thanks a million, you guys. I better get back to the hospital. Frasier: God bless, Bulldog. Bulldog heads for the door. Roz: [her face in her hands] I can't believe I said that! Oh, that poor woman... Bulldog is on his way out when he runs into a beautiful woman. Bulldog: Hey, we're outta here! Woman: But our flight doesn't leave for another two hours. Bulldog: No, I gotta stop by my mom's first. I owe her fifty bucks and a case of Schlitz. They leave, FADE OUT. Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment. Fade in. Niles is sitting at the dining table. He is dipping balloons into a glass of water, blotting them on a napkin, then twirling them in the air to dry. Martin comes in and sees this. Martin: Should I even ask? Niles: These balloons come in an unsealed package, covered in some mysterious dust, straight from some southeast Asian sweatshop. Doesn't that worry you? Martin: [sitting] Oh, you bet it does. I remember back in Korea, we'd crouch in our foxholes, scared to death those bastards were gonna drop balloons on us. Daphne: [rushing in from her room] The doorman just called. They're on their way up. She hands out hats to them as they get up. Niles: I don't know how much of a surprise it's going to be, anyway. You did the same thing last year. Martin: That's the whole point. He's never gonna suspect I'd do it two years in a row. Daphne: I must say, I feel a bit bad for Freddie. None of his mates are going to be here, just us three old fogeys yelling "Surprise". Martin: Well, any party he's at with you is gonna be a treat for him. You know, he's got that little crush on you. Niles: If you really want Frederick to enjoy himself, he especially likes you in that little blue cocktail dress. Daphne: Well, I'm not sure that dress is appropriate for a child's birthday party. Niles: Well, it's hardly a party, it's just us fogeys. CUT TO: the elevator with Frasier and Freddie. Frasier: You know, Frederick, your granddad really wanted to be here, but he had an important Rotary Club meeting. Freddie: Uh-oh. Frasier: What? Freddie: Not another surprise party. Frasier: What are you talking about? Freddie: Just like last year! Frasier: Oh, lord, all right, all right. I'll tell you what, just don't let on, OK? You know how he loves this stuff. Just act surprised, all right? They arrive at the 19th floor Freddie: The hardest part is pretending to be fooled by those trick candles. Frasier: Oh, gosh. You think it's hard now, wait 'til you're my age. Frasier opens the door and hits the lights. All: Surprise! Freddie: Oh, wow! I'm so surprised! Martin: See, I told you! Martin and Niles come towards him with arms outstretched saying "Happy birthday", Freddie walks past them and races into Daphne's arms for a big hug. Freddie: Hi! Martin and Niles look on knowingly, the phone rings. Daphne: Happy birthday, sweetheart. Just let me get the phone. [She answers as Freddie trails after like a puppy.] Hello? Yes, who's calling please? Wiwif? Anybody here know a Wiwif? Frasier: Oh, Lilith! [He takes the phone.] Yes, hello Lilith. What's that? Oh, right! Yes, of course he's here. It's your mom, Freddie, why don't you take it into your granddad's room? [He hands it to Freddie.] Freddie: OK. Hi, mom. [He goes off.] Martin: Hey, let's get the cake ready. Frasier: Oh, yes, yes. Oh, Frasier, I think you're going to be pleasantly surprised. Frasier: Ooooh. The men go to the kitchen. There is a large cake on the stove, a three-dimensional portrait of a man's face, which despite the festive coloring, is more than a little creepy. Niles: Eh, voila! Frasier: What the hell is that? Niles: It's Louis Pasteur, Freddie's favorite scientist. Frasier: What child wouldn't be thrilled with a coconut death mask on his birthday? Martin: Frasier, what happened to your jacket? Frasier: Oh, at the airport, I helped this woman get a dog into her car. Niles: Oh, I hope at least it was in a crate. Frasier: Yes, a very heavy crate. I had to hold it at arm's length so that what I chose to believe was drool wouldn't run out onto my shoes. [Niles grimaces.] Eight blocks later, I finally load little Fido into her backseat, the woman drives off without so much as a "Thank you" or an offer to give me a ride back to the airport. Well, I responded with the time-honored gesture of disapproval, but on the upswing I caught my finger on the jacket and, well... I must say, my belief in people's basic decency has taken a beating today. You know, earlier I returned a man's wallet, he accused me of stealing. Martin: Well, it just proves what I always say: A good Samaritan is nothin' but a good target. Frasier: Well, I'm sorry, Dad. I'm not ready to be quite that cynical yet. Daphne: [coming in, excited] He's off the phone! Martin: Ooh, good. All right. Well, you can believe what you want, but I think people are born rotten, and every year they get worse. [He leads the procession out of the kitchen.] Happy birthday to you... [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - The Radio Station. Frasier is on the air, Roz is yawning on her side. Frasier: Welcome back to the night owl edition of the Dr. Frasier Crane show. We have Stephen on line two. Go ahead, caller, you're on the air. Stephen: [v.o.] I think I'm losing my mind, Dr. Crane. People are talking to me through my radio. Frasier: Why do you think that? Stephen: There it is again. Frasier: Turn your radio down. Stephen: Now it's giving me orders! Frasier: Stephen, turn your radio down. Stephen: And it knows my name! Frasier: Stephen, listen to me: this is your radio talking. I'm a very smart radio, and I care about you. And I want you to turn me off, go to bed, and seek counseling in the morning. Stephen: OK. Sorry, Doc, can't talk anymore. [hangs up] Frasier: Well, I'd like to end tonight on a philosophical note. You see, earlier today, I helped some people. [Roz uses a butterfly clip to hold her bangs up and begins wiping off her makeup with pads.] I returned a man's wallet and I aided a woman at the airport. And in return, I was accused of being a thief, and my favorite jacket was ruined. I was so disappointed by the events of the day that, on my way to work here tonight, I almost passed by an elderly man with a flat tire without stopping to help him. He glances over at Roz, who is now putting cold cream on her face. Frasier: What the hell are you doing? [remembering] ...I asked myself. How would I feel if I were in this man's position, and no one stopped to help me? Well, I did pull over, I helped the man, and frankly it felt great. So without sounding preachy, I would like to advise you all to do a good deed once in a while. If not for the sake of others, but then for your own sake. Now let's go to station ID. [off-air] Roz, do you mind? Roz: What is your problem? I'm getting ready for bed. Alice gets me up at the crack of dawn, if I get all this taken care of, I get an extra half hour's sleep. Frasier: Well, at least you spared me the spectacle of flossing! Roz: Thanks for reminding me. I had corn. Frasier: And we're back. It seems we've got time for one more call... [Roz is now flossing and can't help.] Don't bother Roz, I'll get it. Go ahead, caller, this is Dr. Frasier Crane, I'm listening. Ralph: [v.o.] Hi, Dr. Crane. This is Ralph. The guy whose tire you changed tonight? Frasier: Ralph! Well, what a wonderful surprise. Let me first say to our listeners that this call was not solicited in any way. Ralph: Dr. Crane, I was just wondering, do you wear cuff links? Frasier: Why yes, as a matter of fact, I do. But there's no need to buy me a gift. Ralph: A gift?! You scratched the hell out of my paint job with those things! You owe me money! Frasier: You can't be serious! How much damage can cuff links do to a car whose side window consists of duct tape and a Hefty Bag? Ralph: Ah, you'll find out when my lawyer sends you the bill! Roz: Let me remind you again, listeners, that call was not solicited. [SCENE_BREAK] MR. GOOD DEEDS GOES TO TOWN Scene 4 - The Street Fade in. It is raining as Frasier drives home. As he pulls to a stop, there is a woman, shielding her head with a purse, waving at him. Frasier: [thinking, v.o.] Oh, great! Somebody else in need of a good Samaritan. Maybe if I ignore her, she'll stop waving. But what am I gonnna do? Just leave her standing in the rain? Then again, every one of my good deeds today has ended up biting me in the butt. Frasier pulls to the curb, rolls down his window, and calls to the woman. Frasier: Such nasty weather, may I offer you a ride? Woman: Oh, thank you. The woman, Crystal, gets in and Frasier drives on. Crystal: I didn't think anyone was going to stop tonight. Frasier: Well, chivalry may be on life support, but it's not dead. Crystal: Ooh, seat warmers. Frasier: Yes, they're standard. There's a little control on the side if you want more leg room. So, where can I take you? Crystal: It's up to you. We can get a room, or we can do it here, in the car. Frasier: [in shock] Oh, dear God. You are a prostitute. Crystal: How far do these go back? Frasier: Look, I'm sorry, there's been a mistake. Crystal: Don't be nervous, baby. Frasier: I am not nervous and would you please put your seat up. Crystal: I'll put it any way you want me to, honey. Frasier: [pulling over] Stop talking to me that way! For God's sake! All right, please, I am sorry about the misunderstanding but get out of my car. Crystal: Well, why the hell did you pick me up? Frasier: I was trying to be a gentleman, now get out! Crystal: I'm not walking all the way back to my corner, give me some money for a cab. Frasier: [checking his pockets] All right, fine. Oh lord, I guess I must have left my wallet back at the station. Crystal: Well, how in the hell were you going to pay for me? Frasier: I wasn't going to pay for you! Oh, good lord. Oh, here's a twenty dollar bill, now get out. Suddenly there are flashing lights and a quick burst of a siren behind them. Frasier: Oh, God, get out! Hurry, out, out! Crystal: It's too late, they've seen us. Frasier: I don't believe this is happening to me. [He rolls down his window.] Hello officer, just how fast was I going? Cop: Hey, don't I know you? Frasier: No, I don't believe so. Cop: No, I'm not talking to you. Didn't I bust you last week? Crystal: [voice now an octave lower and obviously a man] Give me a break, buddy. I'm trying to earn a living here. Frasier is wide-eyed in shock. FADE OUT. End of Act 1 [SCENE_BREAK] Act 2 Scene 1 - The Police Station. Fade in. Frasier is being led to the waiting area. Frasier: Was it really necessary to take my belt and tie? Cop: Standard procedure. It's for your own protection. Frasier: For God's sake! You had me in the drunk tank. If I wanted to kill myself I would've taken a deep breath. The cop cuffs him to a bench. Niles comes over. Niles: Frasier! Frasier: Niles. Niles: You certainly took your sweet time. I've been waiting here two hours. Frasier: Well, I'm sorry, Niles. I guess what with the pillow fight in the holding tank and the pre-mug shot makeover, time just got away from me. Will you stop it?! Just bail me out of here, I can't stand another minute in this place! Niles: All right. [to the desk sergeant, Fred] Excuse me, if you could get our bill together, we're ready to settle up here. Fred: It's five hundred bucks. Niles: Five hun... Frasier, I don't have that kind of cash on me. Frasier: Put it on your credit card! Niles: And have "Bail" appear on my statement? Do you know the kind of junk mail I would get? Frasier: Just do it! Niles: OK. There you are. [He gives his card to Fred, then turns back to Frasier] So, what happened? A prostitute? [snickers] Frasier: Please, I told you on the phone. I didn't know she was a prostitute. Niles: Uh-huh... Frasier: I saw a woman stranded in the rain, naturally I offered her a ride. Before I knew it, I was handcuffed to this bench surrounded by this motley assortment of... [noticing them watching him] ...other wrongfully accused gentlemen. Fred: Sir, your card didn't go through. Niles: What? Oh, that's right. Maris's lawyers had my credit limit reduced. Frasier: Oh, no. Niles: It's been so bad, this week when I went to the cheese shop for their "Around the World" platter, they cut me off at Luxembourg. Frasier: Would you please call Dad and get him down here? Niles: [getting on his cell phone] All right. Yeah, Dad? Hi, my credit card was declined. Well, we need yours. Yeah. Well, right. Yeah, I'll see you soon. Frasier: Oh, God, this is intolerable. Now it'll take him twenty minutes to get here. Niles: No, he's waiting in the car. Frasier: What? Why didn't he come in? Niles: Frasier, this was his old precinct. When we pulled up outside, I saw a look on his face I haven't seen since he drove us home from our first and only little league game. Martin comes in. Niles: Oh, Dad... Martin: Shhh. Hold it down, will ya? Frasier: Dad, I'm so sorry. What happened was... Martin: No, I don't need to know. I didn't come down here to judge. You're my son, and I love you. Frasier: Yes, for God's sake, Dad, I didn't... Martin: Why don't we just pay up and get out of here, OK? Fred: Hey, Marty. Martin: Hey, Fred. Fred: Listen, I wouldn't take this too hard, Marty. You remember Captain Pachesky's son turned out to be the Coleman Park Pervert. Martin: Yeah, thanks. Fred: And Sergeant O'Brian's daughter does all them cable movies. Martin: Yeah, I heard. Fred: You can pick her out, she's got his chin. Martin: Yeah, could we just get on with it here? Frasier: Dad, would you let me explain? Martin: Frasier, look, I understand, I was in the army. We all have our urges. Frasier: Yes, but you don't... Fred: Just sign here. Another cop unlocks Frasier's cuffs. Frasier: All that happened was... A cop is leading "Crystal" across the room. Crystal: Bye, Dr. Crane, sorry I got you arrested. Frasier: Oh, that's all right, Crystal, these things happen. He turns to a stunned Martin and Niles. Frasier: He had a wig on! Martin: You're my son and I love you. Frasier: Oh, will you stop saying that?! They head out. FADE OUT. Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment. The hallway outside. The elevator opens and the men step out. Martin: I still don't know what you were thinking. Middle of the night, deserted street, picking up a strange woman. Niles: [snickering again] A VERY strange woman. Frasier: Obviously I wasn't thinking. Thank God it's all over. I'll just spend a quiet weekend here with Frederick. [He picks the paper off the floor.] Oh, dear God! He shows it to them. Niles: [reading] "Doc's Pal Is a Mock Gal" Frasier: Oh, will this nightmare never end?! Now, listen Dad, we're bound to get a lot of calls about this thing. Please do not answer the phone, don't talk to anybody, just let the machine get it. You don't want to give them anything they can turn into something tawdry... They go inside, and see Daphne sitting on the couch with the phone. Daphne: Yeah, I live with Dr. Crane. Yeah, there's quite a bit of massage involved. Frasier: Daphne! Daphne: Mostly around the hips, thighs and buttocks. Frasier: God! Give me that! [grabbing the phone] No comment! [He hangs up.] Oh, Daphne, please don't answer the phone, let the machine pick up. Daphne: Yeah, well the machine's filled up. Everyone's been calling. Frasier: Oh, where's Frederick? Daphne: He's still asleep. Look, Dr. Crane, I just wanted to say you're the victim here. Frasier: Thank you. Daphne: Yeah, American society's so close-minded when it comes to sexual experimentation. In Europe... Frasier: Daphne, I didn't do anything wrong! Daphne: Well, exactly! That's what I'm trying to say! Frasier: Oh, I guess I deserve all this. I certainly had enough warning to stop being such a Boy Scout, but did I listen? No. Well, from now on, Dr. Crane - [off the paper] or as Seattle now knows him, "Dr. Strangelove" - is out of the Samaritan business. Niles hands him a cup of coffee as Daphne heads to her room. Frasier: Thank you, Niles. Niles: Frasier, have you given much thought about what you're going to tell Frederick? Frasier: Oh, God. How can I possibly explain it to him? Well, I guess the key is not to be evasive. He's going to hear about it sooner or later, I guess it should be from me. Freddie comes in and walks to the table behind them. Frasier: After all, I am a trained professional, I can do it in a way that won't traumatize the child. [seeing Freddie reach for the paper, he bellows] FREDDIE, DON'T TOUCH THAT! He jumps up and grabs it. Martin: [getting up] You know, I could use a glass of orange juice. I think I'm gonna go in the kitchen get a glass. Niles: [also rising] Oh, orange juice, yum. I'm going to come with you for that. They go to the kitchen. Freddie: Am I having another surprise party? Frasier: [getting up] No, no, Frederick. Here, sit down for a second, son. [They both sit at the table.] I, I've got something I've gotta talk to you about. For the next couple of days, you're going to hear some rather nasty stories and some snide jokes about your old man... Freddie: Mom's coming? Frasier: No, no she's not. It's very hard for me to tell you this, but I just spent the night in jail. Freddie: Wow! Like Brad Johnson's dad. Frasier: Well, that was different. Insider trading is wrong. Freddie: What did you do? Frasier: Well, I saw a woman standing in the rain and I gave her a ride. Freddie: You can go to jail for that? Frasier: Well, it depends on the sort of woman. You see, this particular woman, this uh, person was a prostitute. But I didn't know that until it was too late. Freddie: A prostitute? Frasier: Oh God, how can I explain this? A prostitute is someone who engages in sexual relations with other people for money. Freddie: Dad, I'm eleven. I know what a prostitute is. But, why did you pick one up? Frasier: Well, you see, I didn't know that it was a prostitute at the time. I was only trying to do a good deed. Well, I suppose in hindsight it was all a big mistake. I should have minded my own business. Freddie: So what are you trying to say, Dad? You shouldn't try to help people? Frasier: Well... SMASH CUT TO: Frasier sitting in his car in the rain. This has all been in his head. He pulls over to the curb and rolls down his window. Frasier: May I offer you a ride? Woman: Oh, thank you. The woman, Laura, gets in. Laura: I waved at you a couple of times, but I didn't think you saw me. Frasier: Yes, well I noticed you, I was just having sort of a bad daydream. So, where can I take you? Laura: Same place you're going. Frasier: [panicked] Oh, dear God. You're... Laura: Laura Hilton. I live in your building. Frasier: Of course, Laura. Hi. Laura: I'm so glad you stopped when you did. Frasier: Oh, I'm certainly glad I stopped too. He drives off into the night. FADE OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Daphne is asleep on the couch, Freddie asleep on her shoulder. Frasier and Niles are clearing the table and smile at this. After Frasier goes to the kitchen, Niles puts down his cup and goes over to the couch. He moves Freddie to the other end of the couch and places a cushion between the two, then goes back to take his cup to the kitchen. As soon as he's gone, Freddie throws the cushion aside and lays against Daphne again, a big smile on his face.

After several acts of kindness backfire, Frasier starts to lose his faith in humanity. Driving home in the rain, he comes across a stranded woman and considers whether or not to give her a ride. Despite the events of the day, he decides to help her, only to discover that she is a prostitute (and also a transvestite), and that the police are watching everything. He is arrested and held at Martin's old precinct, where Martin and Niles must bail him out. Upon returning home and explaining the situation, his son Frederick asks; "So are you saying you shouldn't help people?" The scene returns to Frasier in the car contemplating whether or not to give the woman a ride (the preceding events having been what Frasier later describes as a 'bad daydream'). Despite knowing that this good deed, like all the others, may backfire he still decides to help her.

fd_Alias_02x03

fd_Alias_02x03_0

(Sydney jogs through the park one afternoon and, following the instructions given to her last week, drops a coin in a homeless Vietnam vet's cup.) HOMELESS VET: Freelancer requests covert entry. (Control room at the joint task force.) AGENT: That's a copy. We'll notify Agent Vaughn. (Sydney jogs along the street and glances up at the traffic camera. Back in the control room, the agent watches her and an alert reading "NO SURVEILLANCE DETECTED" flashes across the screen.) AGENT: No one's following her. Ident confirmed. Freelancer is approved quadrant four. Sig int reporting clear. No suspect signs. (At the ringing phone under the overpass, Sydney punches in the code and the door opens.) (Inside the task force building, Vaughn and Sydney talk to Kendall.) KENDALL: Agent Bristow, thank you for coming in. I know you weren't wild about talking with your mother last week but I hope we can agree that the information she gave us made it worth your discomfort. SYDNEY: I thought so. Until an hour ago. KENDALL: How is that? SYDNEY: I just came from a meeting with Sloane. The camera I took from Fordson's vault, the camera we tried to keep from SD-6, was an early prototype. The real camera is scheduled to be launched into orbit seventy-two hours from now. KENDALL: By whom? (Flashback: conference meeting with Sloane, Dixon, Sydney, Marshall, and Jack.) SLOANE: The Asiatic Space Agency. Founded after the fall of the iron curtain, the ASA consists mainly of displaced Russian scientists. Their latest client is an old friend of ours. (He clicks a button on the remote and a picture of Sark comes up on their screens.) SYDNEY: Sark. DIXON: What's his interest in launching a satellite? SLOANE: That's the question. MARSHALL: The satellite is equipped with a terahertz imaging camera. Now, this camera's capable of seeing through solid matter up to a depth of a hundred meters. SLOANE: It is imperative that we find out what Mr. Sark is looking for. (Back at the task force.) SYDNEY: The launch site's in Sri Lanka. Sloane wants us to infiltrate it posing as corporate buyers. Our mission is to hack into the satellite so SD-6 can tap into Sark's feed and see what he sees. VAUGHN: I'll get technical services on that. We'll want to hack into that feed, too. KENDALL: That's a fine preliminary step, Agent Vaughn, but I will want to know what we're looking for before the satellite is launched. (He looks at Sydney.) SYDNEY: You want me to talk to her again. KENDALL: Mr. Sark has assumed control of your mother's operation-- SYDNEY: Please stop referring to her as my mother. KENDALL: Therefore, Ms. Derevko must know what he's looking for and she's made it clear she will only speak with you. SYDNEY: Look, I talked to her before because I had to. I have no intention of making this into a habit. KENDALL: I assume you have an opinion on this, Agent Vaughn. VAUGHN: Uh, I don't have an easy answer on that. KENDALL: I'll take a complicated one. VAUGHN: I can't pretend to hide my bias here. Irina Derevko betrayed this country and killed my father in the process. On the other hand, she is a certifiable Rambaldi expert and probably knows more about the inner workings of global organized crime than any other person in U.S. custody. Having said that, I believe Agent Bristow and I were effectively countering SD-6 before Derevko turned herself in and I stand behind whatever she decides. KENDALL: I do understand that you're caught in the middle of all this, Agent Bristow. I can only offer my word. The sooner we know what she knows, the sooner you'll never have to speak to her again. (Barnett's office. Jack sits across from her.) BARNETT: We weren't scheduled to meet until Wednesday. Is everything all right? JACK: I'm here to talk about Sydney. BARNETT: Good. What's on your mind? JACK: I want your help in devising a strategy to persude Sydney not to interact with her mother. BARNETT: Why? JACK: Because Irina Derevko is an opportunistic sociopath who'll use whatever inroads she can make with my daughter to get what she wants. BARNETT: But have you considered that the more you'll keep her from her mother, the more you're going to spark her interest? JACK: Of course I have! Which is why I'm hoping to devise a strategy with the necessary subtlety. BARNETT: Well, I'm sorry, but I am not in the habit of helping a father manipulate his daughter. No matter how good his intentions may be. JACK: I see. And is your opinion here based on what's best for Sydney, or for the agency? Because the fact is if Sydney doesn't talk to Laura, the CIA learns nothing. BARNETT: So you still think of her as Laura, even though that was her alias. (Sydney walks down the hall and reaches the Hannibal cell. Her mom is sitting cross-legged on the floor, with her back to Sydney, facing the small window she has. She breathes deeply.) IRINA: Autocircadian meditation. All the benefits of sleeping in a fraction of the time. (She turns around, still sitting on the floor.) IRINA: I can teach it to you, Sydney. SYDNEY: I told you. When we speak, you are to address me as Agent Bristow. Mr. Sark was one of your top operatives. He's now assumed control of your assets. He's luanching a satellite with ground-penetrating surveillance capabilities but I doubt this is news to you. What's he looking for? (Pause. She gets up and walks to the glass.) IRINA: Do you remember when you were six years old? I sent you to piano lessons. Your teacher was Ms. Adams. SYDNEY: We're not having this conversation. IRINA: You asked me a question, I'm giving you an answer. Do you remember the first thing Ms. Adams taught you about music? SYDNEY: She said music is like math. If you can count, you can play. IRINA: Every musical note has a corresponding frequency. Middle C, for example, vibrates at two hundred and sixty-one hertz. Which means any piece of music can be expressed as a series of numbers. Sark is looking for a music box designed by Rambaldi. The box plays a unique tune. Encoded within the tune there's an equation. SYDNEY: For what? IRINA: Zero-point energy - a fuel source. The military applications alone would be unlimited. SYDNEY: From a music box. IRINA: Of course the music can't play without the proper combination. Sark was working on deciphering it but I don't know whether he was successful. SYDNEY: Fine. Thank you. IRINA: Speaking of Ms. Adams... just before I left I remember her encouraging you to try out for your school's Thanksgiving play. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but in the twenty years since I last saw you I often wondered... what part did you play? SYDNEY: I don't remember. It was around the time I was told my mother had died. Everything else is a blur. (Sydney walks out.) (Outside Sydney and her dad meet.) JACK: I read Vaughn's debrief. I know you saw your mother. You okay? SYDNEY: Seeing her again, I'm realizing there are these gaps in my memory from around the time she left. Dad... do you remember the Thanksgiving play I was in that year in school? Because I sort of do. I mean, I have an impression of it, but I can't remember... was I a pilgrim or an indian... (Her dad stares off.) SYDNEY: What? JACK: You were neither. You were a turkey. You were the only turkey that was spared to celebrate the harvest. (She laughs, smiles, and then turns serious.) SYDNEY: I know you think it's dangerous for me to see Mom. But she's a means to an end. I don't take anything she says at face value. JACK: She won't expect you to. Sydney... I trust your judgment. You're doing fine. (Marshall's office. He has a briefcase on his desk and is showing Sydney.) MARSHALL: Okay, once you get through the launch site to the exhaust ducts, just press this button here and... voila! (He does so. Ordinary briefcase inside.) SYDNEY: It's empty. MARSHALL: Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. Totally forgot to tell you. Real deal - not done yet. But tomorrow when you open up this briefcase you will be looking at a high-performance hydraulic luge. SYDNEY: How fast can I go? MARSHALL: About one fifty, which should get you through the launch facility's two-mile ducts in about, oooh, twelve seconds. Oh, you wnat to make sure you get out of there as fast as you can after you're done wiring the circuit board into the satellite because if you're stuck in the ducts when the rocket launches, then, well, boom. And I'd miss you. (Sloane's office. Sydney knocks and enters.) SYDNEY: You wanted to see me? SLOANE: Come in. I have something to give you. (He hands over a medium sized wooden box with carvings on the lid.) SLOANE: It's Emily's seed box. The lithography's original, circa 1910. Her mother gave it to her. Emily would want you to have it. SYDNEY: Thank you. I can't think of Emily without thinking of her garden. SLOANE: Well, neither can I. SYDNEY: I miss her, too. SLOANE: This office is where I feel most at home these days. At the house, I don't know, I seem to be paralyzed. If a stranger were to come to the house for the first time, they would think that Emily still lived there. Her clothes are in the closet. Her makeup on the vanity. The only thing that betrays this pretense of normalcy is her garden. Where roses once grew, they're gone now. Her garden seems to have died with her. SYDNEY: It's not your fault. (He looks up suddenly. Sydney watches for a reaction to confirm her suspicions.) SLOANE: Good luck in Sri Lanka. (Self-storage meeting with Vaughn.) VAUGHN: Attach this circuit board to the satellite instead of the one you got from SD-6. Now it's an exact duplicate, they'll still be able to intercept Sark's feed, but we've modified it so we can access the signal, too. See what everyone else is seeing. One more thing... we'd like to bring Will Tippin in for a follow-up on his debrief. SYDNEY: Why?! VAUGHN: Derevko told us that Sark has been working on cracking a combination that would activate the music box. SYDNEY: Yeah. VAUGHN: And we've been reviewing Tippin's statement and he reported falling in and out of consciousness on the flight to Taipei and vaguely remembers seeing Sark working at a laptop. SYDNEY: You're thinking, what, induced regression? VAUGHN: (nods) We have someone coming in from Langley. SYDNEY: So he can relive everything he went through! VAUGHN: If there were another option, Sydney, believe me, I'd take it. (At Francie and Sydney's, Will holds a beer and talks to Sydney near the kitchen.) SYDNEY: Listen, Will, the CIA wants to meet with you again. WILL: Why? SYDNEY: They can tell you better than I can, but here's your S.O.P. WILL: S.O.P.? SYDNEY: Standard operating procedure for a meet. You're meeting with my handler. WILL: Vaughn. SYDNEY: He's... smart. Professional. Won't waste your time. (Will shakes his head a little bit.) SYDNEY: Look, I'm sorry. You deserve to move on from this. (Francie suddenly comes home.) FRANCIE: Hey, guys! (Sydney, moving quick, takes Will's beer from him and takes a sip.) SYDNEY: Hey! FRANCIE: What are you doing? SYDNEY: What? FRANCIE: Will just went to his first N.A. meeting and you're waving a beer in his face? SYDNEY: You're right, you're right, you're right. (She pours it down the sink.) WILL: It's okay... FRANCIE: Oh, hey, can you come down to the restaurant tomorrow? I could really use you. WILL: Sure. FRANCIE: All the flatware came in and the dishwasher's not hooked up so we have to wash everything by hand before the opening. You're coming, right? SYDNEY: Are you kidding? WILL: What time do you need me? FRANCIE: Two, two-thirty? SYDNEY: I got to go. I'm going to miss my flight. FRANCIE: Fancy client or boring seminar? SYDNEY: Boring client. And he's in Sri Lanka so I get to fly fifteen hours both directions for a one-hour meeting. WILL: Hey, thanks for letting me stay here until I can afford a cheaper place. (Sydney kisses him and leaves.) (Sloane's house. It's after work and that calls for a drink. He pours himself one and sees something. He walks over and opens the door, a quizical look on his face, and walks outside to see that Emily's roses are back in full bloom like she never left.) (In Sri Lanka, at the space agency, Dixon hides out and watches from some bushes with his laptop nearby as Sark climbs out of a vehicle and walks to the building.) DIXON: Okay, Syd, Sark's confirmed inside. You're a go. (Sydney, in a red wig and business suit, drives up to the security gate in a convertible.) DIXON: (VO) Remember the sooner you get on the phone the more time I have to hack into their system. SYDNEY: Joanna Kelly from Euro Teledyne. I have an appointment with Mr. Vashko. (Sark walks into the control room.) ASA MAN: Mr. Sark! Welcome to our control center. Will you be the only observer from your company today? SARK: I'm afraid my associates have a plan to lobby Opec for drilling rights. ASA MAN: We are about to begin the final system checks. SARK: Excellent. (Sydney walks in the building with her briefcase.) VASHKO: Miss Kelly! Welcome to the ASA's launch facility. SYDNEY: Thank you. I look forward to the tour. Would you mind if I make a call before we start? (She pulls out her cell.) VASHKO: Oh, I'm sorry, we do not allow mobile phone use during the launch. It interferes with the radio signal. But you are more than welcome to use one of our landlines. (He gestures to the front desk phone.) SYDNEY: Thank you. (She calls Dixon, who uses the phone line to connect to the modem.) SYDNEY: Hi, darling! Just checking in. DIXON: Okay, I'm into their local area network. It'll take me a minute to access the security surveillance feed. Okay, I'm in it. SYDNEY: Miss you too! Kisses! (Vashko takes Sydney on the tour through the building.) VASHKO: And in compliance with Kyoto environmental accords, during launch we filter the rocket's exhaust through two-mile ducts. SYDNEY: I understand that these ducts are capable of channeling over a million pounds of thrust? VASHKO: You have done your homework. I will take you to the VIP observation deck. The view is spectacular. (He swishes a card through the control panel and they go in the elevator.) SYDNEY: My watch seems to have stopped. Do you have the time? VASHKO: Oh, sure. (She sprays something from her watch and Vashko faints, falling to the floor.) SYDNEY: Okay, Dixon, I'll be in the canal in two minutes. DIXON: Copy that, Syd. Ready to cut the surveillance feed on your signal. (In the control center, Sark supervises as the techs do the system check.) TECH 1: Radio frequency system, check. TECH 2: Activation vehicle telemetry, check. TECH 1: Onboard power test, check. TECH 2: Data transponder and launch vehicle remote control, check. (Sydney walks down to the ducts in a red jumpsuit. She walks on the launch deck and into the entrance of the ducts. She opens her Marshall briefcase and the entire thing is a luge apparatus. She puts her body down on the briefcase, holds on to the handle and hits a switch. She flies through the ducts. Sydney's now at the base of the rocket, right underneath it.) SYDNEY: Okay, Dixon, I'm in position. DIXON: Copy that, Syd. The ground crew's left the launch deck. I'm shutting down surveillance for five minutes starting... now. (In the control center, all the screens go static.) TECH: I lost the TV feed to the launch deck! (Sark watches with interest.) (Sydney looks way up and starts climbing the ladder on the side of the rocket.) (Control center. Sark's not happy.) SARK: What's the problem? ASA MAN: I'll know shortly. (He suspects Sydney.) (Sydney climbs the ladder and walks out to the rocket. She removes a panel on the side.) SYDNEY: Dixon, how am I doing? DIXON: Three minutes, ten seconds until surveillance is restored, Syd. (Control center.) ASA MAN: Power surge. We'll be back online in three minutes. We assure you, this in no way indicates there is a problem with the launch. SARK: Is there anywhere on the launch zone that is not visible from here? ASA MAN: Just the exhaust ducts but our ground crew doesn't go anywhere near there during the countdown. SARK: Move up the launch. ASA MAN: Pardon? (On the rocket, Sydney is into the wires in the panel.) SYDNEY: I'm splicing into the internal supply system now. Almost there. (Control center.) SARK: You said yourself the cameras don't affect the launch. ASA MAN: Technically, they don't, but if something were to go wrong we would want to study the-- SARK: Then begin the final countdown. Or should we abort altogether and I can spread the word amongst my colleagues that the Asiatic Space Agency is nothing but the poor man's version of NASA. ASA MAN: Initiate the final countdown! We're advancing our timetable! (Dixon sees on his laptop that the countdown has restarted and it's quickly approaching.) DIXON: Syd, get out of there! They've moved up the launch! (Sydney hauls ass.) SYDNEY: Dixon, I'm still wiring the circuit board! How much time do I have? DIXON: Forty-eight seconds and counting! (In the control center, they prep for the launch.) TECH 1: Switch to internal power. TECH 2: Tranmitter code... TECH 1: Transmitter shows engine to launch. (Back at the rocket.) DIXON: Sydney, it's too dangerous! Abort! We're at forty-four seconds and counting. Syd, get out of there! SYDNEY: No, I got it! (She finishes and runs down.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Control center.) TECH 1: All systems green for launch in thirty, twenty-nine, twenty-eight, twenty-seven... (Sydney runs down, jumps on the luge briefcase and hits the switch.) TECH 1: Three... two... (The rocket launches and propells a massive fire and smoke ball into the exhaust ducts, right on Sydney's tail. She flies out and onto the launch deck.) DIXON: Sydney! (Sydney covers her face as the explosion reaches the end of the ducts.) SYDNEY: I'm all right. I'll meet you at the rendezvous in ten minutes. (She looks up to see the rocket in the sky. In the control room, Sark watches on the monitor.) (At the front desk, Sydney is back in her business suit/red wig combo and gives her visitor pass to the secretary.) SECRETARY: Did you enjoy the launch? SYDNEY: It was a thrill! (Back in Los Angeles, Will walks to his old Jeep and finds a parking ticket under his wiper. He opens it up and there's a handwritten note inside that says "Parking garage behind bar the elevator". Inside, he walks to the elevator and hits the button. The doors open and there's Vaughn. Will steps in. Vaughn hits the button to close the doors. He stops the elevator.) VAUGHN: Will, I'm Michael Vaughn. WILL: Hey. VAUGHN: Sorry about the cloak-and-dagger routine but SD-6 may monitor you from time to time and we had to make sure you weren't followed. WILL: Sure, I get it. So you're Vaughn. VAUGHN: You sound surprised. WILL: No, I just thought you'd be, uh... older. VAUGHN: Ah. Listen, we want to bring you in for a hypnotherapy session. From your statement we think you might be able to recall details from your capture that could help us. WILL: When? VAUGHN: There's a car waiting for us upstairs. WILL: Now? (Vaughn nods.) WILL: You know, I can't. I'm helping my friend get her restaurant ready. VAUGHN: Francie. WILL: (freaked) Right... VAUGHN: So tomorrow then? WILL: Sure, okay. VAUGHN: Okay, you'll get a call on your cell phone from a telemarketer asking if you're interested in consolidating your debt. That will be your signal to meet back here. We'll have a car take you to our office. WILL: So every time that Sydney ran out the door after she got a wrong number, she was going to meet you? VAUGHN: It's standard procedure in case the line's tapped. It's a low-risk wayto set up a meet. WILL: Did you ever give her a picture frame? It was, like, an antique. She said it was from somebody at work and it was probably just another way to contact her... right? VAUGHN: No, actually, that was just a gift. (Vaughn hits the button.) VAUGHN: It's nice to meet you, Will. (They shake hands.) WILL: You, too. (Vaughn walks out. The elevator doors close and Will probably tries to calculate how long it would take for him to kick Vaughn's ass all in the name of lurrrve.) (SD-6 conference room with Sloane, Marshall, Jack, Dixon and Sydney.) SLOANE: Congratulations are in order to both of you. Thanks to your efforts in Sri Lanka we were able to intercept the feed from the satellite launched by Mr. Sark yesterday. He's looking at a twenty-square-mile area of Siberia. Marshall? MARSHALL: Right, now, I know, I know, this looks like twenty miles of frozen tundrocity, right? Well, take a look at it through the terahertz imaging camera. (They all see on their screens a grid over the area. Among the smaller, lighter lines is the dark, meaning deep, lines that form this: ) SYDNEY: The symbol of Rambaldi. MARSHALL: Yeah. Now what the satellite's looking at are subglacial caverns under the ice. DIXON: Are you saying it's a natural formation? MARSHALL: Well, beats me. I'm really--without actual ice core samples I can't say anything except, you know, wow. SLOANE: We are now looking at an image with a ten-centimeter resolution. And as you can see in the center of the cavern there seems to be an object notably composed of metal. We must acquire this object before Mr. Sark does. So you will be accompanied by a support team. They will establish a perimeter with Agent Dixon to guard every possible entrance of the cave. Sydney, you're on point. Flight leaves in four hours. That's all. You can go. (Everyone gets up to leave.) SLOANE: Jack, would you stay a minute please? (Sydney and Jack exchange a look. Once everyone's gone, Sloane closes the doors.) SLOANE: I want to ask you for a favor, Jack. I think I may have underestimated the effect that Emily's death would have on me. JACK: You're entitled to your grief. SLOANE: Not when it undermines my authority here, my standing within the Alliance. (They sit down.) SLOANE: I need you to monitor me, Jack. I need you to pull me aside if you think that I'm letting my cards show. JACK: Of course. SLOANE: The day before she--the day before she passed, Emily reserved us a suite at our favorite bed and breakfast in Sonoma. Even in her last moments she was planning our future. I'm not a spiritual man, but I feel lately her presence... everywhere around me. JACK: Trauma can bring about feelings of metaphysical familiarity. Waking dreams, as it were. On the other hand, who's to say she isn't with you? (At the CIA exam room, Will sits in a chair with electrodes on his head. He's slumped over. Sydney, Vaughn and the CIA hypnotherapy lady are in the adjoining room, looking at him through the glass. Hypnotheraphy lady speaks to him through the microphone.) HYPNO LADY: I'm going to count backwards from three and when I reach one I want you to lift your head and tell me where you are. Three... two... one. (Will lifts his head slowly. When he does, we're with Will in his mind, on the plane. His handcuffed hands feel his bruised face. When he's on the plane throughout this sequence, he literally speaks and is not a voice over. It's done really well.) HYPNO LADY: (VO) Where are you? (Will looks around. Two goons stare at him.) WILL: I'm in a cargo plane... on the way to Taipei. HYPNO LADY: Will, how are you feeling? WILL: I'm afraid they're going to kill me. (Back in the exam room. Will starts to cry a little.) WILL: I'm afraid they're going to get to Sydney. HYPNO LADY: They can't, Will. You're revisiting what's already happened. This is just a memory. Now tell me what you see. (Back on the plane. Will looks around.) WILL: Sark... (Back in the exam room.) WILL: Working on his laptop. (Sydney and Vaughn exchange a look.) HYPNO LADY: Can you see the screen? (Back on the plane, Will's on the other side of the plane and Sark has his back to him.) WILL: No. (Back in the exam room, Will's eyes are closed and he keeps talking.) WILL: It's too far away. (Vaughn moves closer and whispers to the Hypno Lady.) VAUGHN: (whispers) In his statement he said that he was picked up and carried off the plane so maybe he got closer. HYPNO LADY: Will, listen to me. I want you to think ahead to when the plane landed, when you were getting off the plane. Can you do that? WILL: Yes. (We're back on the plane. Sark is standing up and shakes hands with the two goons.) HYPNO LADY: What do you see? (The goons come closer to Will. They take his arms to carry him off. Will shrinks back in his seat, afraid.) WILL: Oh, God, please, please, please don't kill me! (In the exam room, Will is back in his seat, afraid.) WILL: Please don't kill me! Please! SYDNEY: Wake him up! HYPNO LADY: It's all right. WILL: Don't kill me! Please don't kill me! HYPNO LADY: Will, tell me what's happening. (Back on the plane, Will is being shuffled out of the plane by the goons.) WILL: They're carrying me off the plane. HYPNO LADY: (VO) Can you see Sark's computer? WILL: No. No, I'm passing too fast. HYPNO LADY: Go back and try again. This time, when you pass the computer, I want you to stop. (In his mind, Will backs up again. The light's shining on the screen, making it hard for Will to see. We get closer.) WILL: Names. I-I see names. HYPNO LADY: Read them to me. WILL: Dostoyevsky... Nabokov... Tolstoy... Chekov. (Sydney nods.) HYPNO LADY: That's good, Will. Now, when you hear the tone I want you to open your eyes and as soon as you do you will feel rested and refreshed. (Tone. Will's eyes slowly open and he looks around.) HYPNO LADY: I need to check his vitals. Just give me a minute. (Sydney smiles as she looks at Will through the glass and turns to Vaughn.) VAUGHN: You okay? SYDNEY: I doubt the code that activates Rambaldi's music box is a list of Russian authors. It must be some kind of cipher text. VAUGHN: Look, under normal circumstances I would never ask this but your mother is the only person who can translate those names for us by the time you leave. If your mother will give us the code to activate the music box we want you to activate the box on site. You'll get it to play and we'll record the music through your comm link and you'll destroy it. HYPNO LADY: Agent Bristow. (She waves her in. Sydney leaves Vaughn without another word and goes to the next room to see Will. She puts her hand on his shoulder as Vaughn watches.) (At Irina's cell, Sydney has her pad of paper in front of her reading the names off of it.) SYDNEY: Dostoyevsky, Nabokov, Tolstoy, Chekov. We took these code words from Sark's computer. I want you to translate them for me. IRINA: Give me a pencil and paper. SYDNEY: No. IRINA: I can't decipher it without pencil and paper. (Sydney breaks the pencil and passes the stub through the net. She rips the paper out of her pad, rolls it up, and passes that through. Irina immediately starts writing on it, figuring it out.) IRINA: Mmm... You know, you haven't asked me how I could shoot my own daughter. SYDNEY: No, I haven't. (Irina folds up the paper and slides it through, solving the text in fifteen seconds.) IRINA: I assume you wouldn't need this combination so urgently if you didn't know where the music box was. Sark won't hesitate to kill you. I don't want to lose the chance to explain myself someday. (Sydney turns to walk out, not wanting to hear it. She stops.) SYDNEY: About the Thanksgiving play... I was a turkey. (Irina, in a very human moment, closes her eyes and looks down.) IRINA: (whispers) Thank you. (Sydney walks out. Upstairs on the monitor, Jack has been watching and he's not happy.) (Siberia. It's snowing. Dixon, Sydney and two other agents -- Cooper and Novak -- approach the cave.) DIXON: I'm not reading any inbound contacts. Looks good. We're all alone out here, but keep your motion trackers on. Novak, you guard the southeast entrace. Cooper, you're guarding the north. Stay on stations. (They leave.) DIXON: Watch your step. If you fall through the ice, it'll freeze over in four seconds. SYDNEY: Good to know. (She walks in.) (Sloane, at his house, is doing work. He sighs, stretches a little, and looks at a framed picture of Emily he has on his desk. The phone rings.) SLOANE: Yeah? (All he hears is static.) SLOANE: Hello? Hello? (The static continues. He hangs up, gets dial tone, and punches a button on his phone.) AGENT: Yes, sir? SLOANE: Can you get me security section? I need a backtrace on a call I just received. AGENT: Just a moment. Sir, the call came from the Baranca Bed and Breakfast in Sonoma county, California. (Siberia.) DIXON: Report contacts! NOVAK: Post one, holding negative on contacts! COOPER: Post two, no contact! I'm all alone out here. DIXON: Sydney, how do you copy in there? SYDNEY: Got you five by, Dixon. (She walks around the caves for a bit and finally sees it.) SYDNEY: Dixon, the ice in this tunnel looks a little shaky, I'm going to go radio silent until I pass through. DIXON: Copy that. Standing by. (In her cell, Irina does some push-ups facing the window. The buzzer goes off, letting her know she has a visitor. She turns to see Jack standing there, emotionless as ever. She gets up.) IRINA: I've had this picture of your face in my mind for twenty years. I remember a loving husband, generous man, patriot. I may have been under orders to fabricate a life with you, but there were times when the illusion of our marriage was as powerful to me as it was for you, especially when Sydney was born. Looking at you now I see that illusion is finally gone. JACK: I want to make something very clear to you. There are people here who believe you can repay the debt you owe this country through your continued cooperation. I am not one of them. And if Sydney in any way becomes victim to your endgame, I will kill you. She spent most of her life believing you were dead, she'll get used to it again. No matter what bond you try to forge with her. (He walks away.) IRINA: You haven't told her what you did to her after I disappeared... have you? (Jack walks out.) (In Siberia, Sydney hits the lock off with her pick axe and breaks the music box open.) SYDNEY: Base ops, this is Freelancer, do you copy? VAUGHN: Read you loud and clear, Freelancer. SYDNEY: I found the music box. It looks intact. Stand by, I'm going to enter the code my mother gave me. (Outside the cave.) DIXON: Cooper, Novak, I've got an inbound contact! Northwest, one hundred meters, can you confirm? COOPER: Got 'em on my radar! NOVAK: Ditto! But I don't see anyone! DIXON: The target has stopped! Correction, reading four! Four tangos! Approaching from all directions, they're heading for the entrance! NOVAK: I still don't see anyone! DIXON: Sydney, do you copy? Sydney! (But Sydney doesn't copy because she's talking to Vaughn and Kendall.) SYDNEY: Three, one, one, two, five, four. (The music starts to play.) AGENT: We've got audio. (Vaughn listens.) DIXON: Talk to me, Cooper, your tango is ten meters away! COOPER: I don't see anything! DIXON: It's right on top of you! COOPER: I'm telling you, I'm all over it-- (Suddenly he's shot from underneath the ice and falls.) DIXON: Cooper, do you copy? Talk to me, Cooper! NOVAK: My contact's at two meters. It's got to be an equipment malfunction! DIXON: Novak... they're under the ice! (Novak's shot. Dixon starts shooting at the ice underneath him.) DIXON: Do you copy, Sydney?! (Sydney plays the music.) SYDNEY: Okay, that's it. Confirm you've got the recording, I'm ready to destroy the music box. VAUGHN: Affirmative. We've got the recording. SYDNEY: It's affirmative on ten-seven. (She sprays a solution on it that makes everything dissolve and rust. She closes the lid and puts it in her case, clicks over to Dixon.) DIXON: ---Sydney, DO YOU COPY? SYDNEY: I read you, Dixon, what's wrong? DIXON: Get out of there! Sark's here! (She turns and Sark's already there with his gun pointed.) SARK: Put the case down. (She does.) SARK: Slide it over. (Sydney kicks it across the ice. Sark stops it with his boot.) SARK: It was you giving us problems at the launch. I'd offer you passage back to civilization but my submersible only seats four. SYDNEY: It's the thought that counts. (Sydney whips around and throws the pick axe at him. It gets Sark in the left thigh. He screams out and falls backwards, letting his gun shoot everywhere just at the same moment that Sydney tries to run out. As soon as she runs, the shot ice breaks underneath her and she falls through. She goes back to the surface, thinking it's a way out, but it's frozen over. Sydney bangs at the ice, submerged in the icy water.)

Sydney must outwit Sark in order to find a crucial piece of intel. Meanwhile, Jack faces Irina for the first time in almost 20 years. Will finally meets Vaughn and Sloane is haunted by his wife's death. Sloane, who drinks only water is seen drinking whiskey in his office. We are told that Emily's garden is dead but Sloane finds it in full bloom.

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[CH 19 FOOTAGE] CAPTION: BREAKING NEWS MOB BOSS DISCOVERY (Open on various cuts of footage of the GOLDEN NUGGET GAMBLING HALL.) Tally Jeffers (reporter): (V.O.) It was the '70s, it was Las Vegas, it was the time of Mickey Dunn ... (A rolls pulls up to the front of the casino. Mickey Dunn exits the car.) VARIOUS PHOTOS OF MICKEY DUNN Tally Jeffers (reporter): (V.O.) ... the legendary organized crime figure who ran Vegas operations of extortion and racketeering by day ... (Mickey Dunn is in the casino with a woman in each arm.) Mickey Dunn: I love America! (More footage of Mickey Dunn playing in the casino.) Tally Jeffers (reporter): ... and partied on its disco dance floors by night. Until August 1976, when federal authorities linked Dunn to the murder of a low-level mob informant. (Photo of a dead man on the concrete.) Tally Jeffers (reporter): (V.O.) It was the case prosecutors were waiting for. The arrest warrant was issued, the party was over. But the legend had just begun. (Photo of Mickey Dunn in front of his Cadillac with the license plate, CHAINSAW.) Tally Jeffers (reporter): (V.O.) Mickey Dunn and his fabled gold Cadillac vanished that hot summer night, never to be seen again - (On the footage, "the" Cadillac turns the corner out of view.) (Cut to: TALLY JEFFERS reporting. The news caption reads: BREAKING NEWS, RECORDED EARLIER.) Tally Jeffers (reporter): (V.O.) -- until today. (She turns to speak with an old Spanish-speaking fisherman.) Fisherman: (in Spanish) (He holds up a gun.) Tally Jeffers (reporter): (from tv) So you went fishing, your line got stuck, and you pulled this up. Do you know what this might be? Fisherman: Si, si ... Everybody, they know Mickey Dunn. (A small crowd had gathered just beyond the crime scene tape. One person watches the news report on a portable tv.) Tally Jeffers (reporter): (from tv) I'm TALLY JEFFERS, KRAC-TV, Lake Mead, Nevada. Anchorman: (from tv) Thank you, Tally. We look forward to the next installment of the Mickey Dunn story. (Catherine and Warrick make their way through the crowd toward the crime scene tape.) Warrick: Coming through. Crime Lab, coming through. (The officers hold the tape up for them to walk through.) Warrick: Thank you. (They make their way toward the lake.) Voice: (o.s.) All right, we're all hooked up-- let 'er rip. (A couple of divers are in the lake near the car.) Catherine: You ready for this? Warrick: Ready to waste my morning on another Mickey Dunn sighting? Yeah, right. Catherine: The guy's been spotted more places than Elvis. Warrick: I know somewhere in hell, Mickey and his old pal Jimmy Hoffa are laughing their asses off at us poor dumb taxpayers. (The crane starts and the car is pulled out of the lake.) Workman: Easy now. WORKMAN: All right, here she comes. Easy ... easy ... (Warrick stops.) Warrick: What do you know. (Catherine reads the license plate.) Catherine: CHAINSAW. Warrick: That looks like him. Workman: (b.g.) That's good. Keep it coming. (The car is pulled out onto the beach.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KARAOKE BAR - NIGHT] (A man is on stage singing.) Michael Myers: (singing) 'Cause this fine old world keeps spinning round, I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king, I've been up, down, over and out and I know one thing, Each time I find myself laying flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race. That's life, That's life. I just can't deny it, Many times, I've thought of quittin', But my heart won't buy it. (A man in the audience simply enjoys the singing.) Michael Myers: (singing) But if there's nothin' shakin', Come here, this July, I'm gonna roll myself up, in a big ball, and die -- my, my. (The audience cheers and applauds.) Ken Billings: Shut the machine off. You can't top that. (He laughs. He sees Michael Myers leaving the stage and stops him.) Ken Billings: Hey, whoa, whoa, man, man. No, no, you're not going anywhere until I buy you a round. Come on. (Michael Myers stops and heads over to Ken, who is in a wheelchair. They shake hands.) Ken Billings: That's my music! (Michael sits down.) Ken Billings: Them that can sing it, never heard of it, and them who heard of it, they can't sing it no more. Michael Myers: Well, there's still some of us left. Ken Billings: I thought I was the last of a dying breed. Michael Myers: Myers. Call me Michael. Ken Billings: Ken Billings. What are you drinking? Michael Myers: What do you got? Ken Billings: Tina, Tina. (The waitress comes over and takes several Polaroids of the two men, drinking and having a grand time.) (She hangs one up on the board.) WHITE FLASH TO: [LATER] (Everyone has gone and the two men are still having drinks.) Ken Billings: I don't remember the last time I closed a joint down. You know ... we gotta do this again. Michael Myers: Anytime. Now, can I give you a hand? Ken Billings: Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm fine; I'm fine. No problem. WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. KARAOKE BAR - NIGHT] (Michael Myers is behind Ken as they leave the karaoke bar. Ken is singing.) Ken Billings: (singing) Riding high in April, shot down in May ... (Michael grabs the wheelchair bars.) Ken Billings: No, wait. I told you, I don't need any help. (Ken lets Michael push him. He points to his car, the only one left in the parking lot.) Ken Billings: Right over there. (Michael continues pushing Ken past his car.) Ken Billings: I thought I was drunk. No, back there. Back there. (Michael isn't drunk. He continues to push Ken down the sidewalk.) Ken Billings: Back there! (Now, he starts running.) Ken Billings: What are you doing? (In front of him is the busy road.) Ken Billings: No, no, stop ... Stop! Stop! Stop! (Ken uses his hands and tries to stop the wheels, but Michael continues to push the wheelchair toward the busy road.) Ken Billings: Stop! Stop! Help! Help! (Michael pushes the wheelchair into the path of an oncoming SUV driven by a group of partying kids.) (The car hits the wheelchair.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROAD -- NIGHT] (Grissom examines the wheelchair. Brass is interviewing the kids.) Brass: All right, fine. Okay, all right. Thanks. (He finishes the interviews and heads over to Grissom. He sighs. Grissom snaps photos of the wheelchair.) Brass: At least the driver was sober. I can't say the same about the boatload of high school kids he was driving around town. Listen to some of the wonderful statements I got: "We go, 'errr ...' dude goes 'aah.' "We go bam ... Dude goes, 'Aah!'" Grissom: The wheelchair brake attachment has been loosened. Brass: Well, maybe it broke on impact. Grissom: Impact was from the left side. But the bolts were loosened on both sides. (Grissom stands up and looks at the body on the road.) Brass: Well, then... that looks like we have a homicide-related road pizza. Grissom: Yeah. Who ordered it? FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROAD -- DAY] (Grissom is measuring the distance from the car to the body. David Phillips is checking out the body.) Grissom: Force of impact propelled the body just over 47 feet. David Phillips: Not a lot of spatter. Grissom: External damage, mostly superficial. David Phillips: Bet he's mashed up on the inside. Grissom: Probably dead before he hit the ground. (Quick flash of: The car hits Ken Billings. End of flashback.) (David checks the body and finds something.) David Phillips: Oop ... Wallet. (He checks the wallet. Grissom looks around the area. The wallet info reads: BILLINGS, KEN 7543 CASTLE BANKS RD. LAS VEGAS, NV 89101 David Phillips: License ... registration ... Kenneth Billings. Nevada resident. Date of birth, 11-9-52. (David finds a photo in the front shirt pocket.) David Phillips: Photo. (He hands the photo to Grissom. Grissom takes it and looks at it. It's a photo of Mickey Dunn and four other men standing in front of a Cadillac. Two of the men have large black X's on their faces.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KARAOKE BAR -- DAY] (Brass talks with Tina, the bartender. She pulls the Polaroid off the bulletin board and hands it to Brass.) Tina: Michael Myers. Never seen the guy before. Sure was the life of the party, though. Brass: Hmm. And the victim? Tina: Kenny -- a regular. He'd come in for Karaoke Nght. Drink a little, go home. You'd never notice him, except for the wheelchair. Brass: Well, this is a late-night place. It ever get rough in here? Tina: Sometimes. You think it could've been a hate crime? Brass: It's a karaoke bar. I don't see a lot of hate here. Tina: Me neither. (Nick looks at the WHO'S NEXT? sign up board. M. MYERS is listed at #9.) Nick: M. Myers. Here he is, Jim. Knucklehead left us his autograph. Brass: So what was our boy drinking? Tina: The good stuff -- Well's Head Lager. Brass: You sell much of that? Tina: (shakes her head) I'm lucky if I move a case a year. Nick: Got trash? Tina: (nods) Mm-hmm. Nick: Empties should give us DNA and fingerprints. Not that we really need them. Mr. Myers has already left us his photograph and signature. (Nick snaps photos of the empty bottles) Brass: And he sang karaoke. Do you have video? Tina: Tape's in the machine. Brass: Perfect. Nick: Boy, you got to love it when a guy makes it easy for you. (Nick chuckles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Catherine and Greg unwrap the Cadillac from the lake, making sure the plastic is completely under the car.) Greg: Mickey Dunn's ride. Well, I guess it looked better in the '70s. Catherine: Live fast, die young ... Doubt he left a good-looking corpse. (Catherine opens the passenger's front door and all the sludge and water from the car pours out onto the plastic.) Greg: Look at this. Thirty years of toxins, pesticides, heavy metal ... maybe some decomp. Catherine: Little piece of Vegas history right here. Greg: You know, in 'Kicks and Kisses,' Lois O'Neill wrote a whole chapter about Mickey Dunn. (Greg walks over with a sieve and water bottle. He places it on the bin.) Catherine: What, that he was a thrill in the sack? (Catherine grabs some sludge and puts it on the tray. Greg works through the dirt.) Greg: No ... no, that was Tony Constantine. Apparently, Mickey wanted to go down in a barrage of bullets, like Sonny in 'The Godfather.' Catherine: Quite the ego on that guy. Even in death, he was larger than life. Greg: Well, sure, but all the original mobsters were like that: Tony, Mickey Dunn, Sam Braun ... Catherine: My father was not a Mob guy. (Greg stops.) Greg: I wasn't comparing ... or speaking ill of the dead. (Catherine finds something in the car.) Catherine: Greg -- (She pulls out a skull. Greg clears off the sludge and they find the skull has a bullet hole in the center of its forehead.) Greg: Now we know how Dunn-Dunn died. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Sara and Archie watch the video of Michael Myers singing.) Sara: How can we be sitting on this much evidence and still have nothing? Archie: Well, I can tighten up the image for you. Sara: I don't think more pixels are going to solve the problem. You got the face. Archie: And the name. Sara: Plus photos, witnesses, DNA samples, handwriting, prints. There's no record in DMV or AFIS. Archie: He knew exactly where the cameras were. Sara: He played right to them. Archie: Obviously wasn't afraid of being identified. Sara: Why not? (Sara and Archie look at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (Nick is in the lab working on the photo. He clears some of the dirt off, wipes it, then puts it under different lights.) (He removes the black X's off the faces and comes up with a clear picture.) (Camera moves along the row of men and stops on the man standing next to Mickey Dunn.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - HALLWAY - DAY] (Mason Carter kisses his hooker girlfriend goodbye as she escorts him to the door.) Hooker: Same time next week? Mason Carter: Sure, baby. Hooker: Okay. (She closes the door. He walks down the hallway and is stopped by an older woman peering out the open door.) Old Woman: Excuse me, sir? Please, could you help me with my bags? I hate to bother you, but my back ... Getting old ain't for sissies. (Mason Carter walks into the room. She closes the door.) [INT. ROOM 200] (He reaches for the suitcases. From behind, she wraps something around his neck and pulls.) (He chokes and dies.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROOM 200 -- DAY] (Sara snaps photos of the dead man with the marking around his neck.) Sara: Garroted. Wire broke the skin but, from the discoloration, I'd say suffocation killed him. Sofia: Do you know anyone who'd want to do this to him? (Sofia talks with the hooker.) Hooker: I know he wasn't into breath-play. Choking on purpose. More bang for your buck. Sofia: After he left the room, did you hear anything -- argument, shouting - anything like that? Hooker: No. Whatever happened, happened fast. Sofia: Okay, thank you; if we have any more questions, I'll contact you. (The hooker leaves.) Sofia: I don't get it. A john walks by, the door may be open, but why walk in? Sara: Who was the room registered to? Sofia: Well, the manager said an older woman. A "Pamela Voorhees." He's got a camera in the lobby. Sara: So we'll get a face. I'd love an address to go with that. (Sara checks the bags. The labels are blank. The suitcases are light.) (Sofia looks in the closet and finds it empty. Sara opens the suitcase and finds it empty as well.) Sara: Empty bags. Empty closet. Bags could have been a lure. (David Phillips walks in.) David Phillips: Hey, guys. Busy day. Sara: Hey, David. David ... can you get us a TOD, please? (He opens the victim's mouth and finds it stuffed.) David: Oh ... There's something in the mouth. Bizarre. (He opens the crumpled photo. It's of Mickey Dunn.) David Phillips: It's my second one today. (points) That guy got hit by a limo. (Sara looks at the photo.) Sara: I guess that makes this a hit list. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Greg continues to sift through the dirt, mud and debris from the car. Everything he finds, he puts aside next to the skull.) VARIOUS CUTS: (He finds pieces of bones.) [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins goes through the cleaned bones and puts them together on an autopsy table.) [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY] (Greg finds a tattered piece of cloth and what looks like a pin. He puts it down on the table, then continues to sift through the dirt.) (He finds a bullet.) [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Warrick takes the bullet from the matching hole in the skull. He holds the bullet up and looks at it.) Warrick: A lead .38 round-nose. I like it. It's kind of '70s. (Warrick and Catherine stand on either side of the table with the bones on it.) Catherine: You were a kid in the '70s. Warrick: Yeah, but I was a Vegas kid, so I grew up on all those '70s stories. Like the "Ghost Rider" story. Remember that one? Catherine: No. Warrick: You never heard of the "Ghost Rider" story? That has everything to do with Mickey Dunn. Yeah, August 12, 1976. Officer Eddie Sanchez was the real-life motorcycle cop who radios in the last known sighting of Mickey Dunn's funky, gold Cadillac. Catherine: Is this on record? Warrick: It's stuffed away in some police file somewhere. Know what happened to the cop? (Catherine shakes her head.) Warrick: No one does. Officer Sanchez and his motorcycle disappeared that night. Catherine: What? In a puff of smoke? Warrick: A puff of smoke -- never to be heard from again. Legend has it that you can still hear the Ghost Rider gunning up and down that highway. My grandmother used to try to scare me into good behavior with that one. Catherine: Did it work? Warrick: Not when I was six. No. But a .38 round-nosed lead bullet was what Nevada Highway Patrol used back in the day. And I don't need to tell you there was a lot of dirty cops back then. (Catherine picks up the gold pin.) Catherine: There was a lot of dirty everything back then. Warrick: Think about this. You're a motorcycle cop. You pull over a speeding gold Cadillac. Sitting in the driver's seat is Mickey Dunn. Catherine: Skipping town with a load of cash. Warrick: Bang. Put a cap in Mickey Dunn. Catherine: So you think this motorcycle cop killed him? Warrick: I think I'd like to find that police file. (Catherine fingers the gold pin.) Warrick: What, you got a better story? Catherine: I was sixteen. (Quick flashback to: [INT. CASINO (1970'S) - NIGHT] Mickey Dunn walks through the casino.) Catherine: (V.O.) Jaws was sold out, so I went looking for trouble. Found Mickey Dunn. (Catherine smiles at him. He turns around. She notes he's wearing the tie clip. He smiles at her; she smiles back.) (He turns and whispers something in her ear.) Catherine: (V.O.) All he said was, if I met him outside at 2:00 a.m. sharp, -- (End of flashback. Resume present.) Catherine: -- he'd show me the time of my life. Warrick: No way. You and Mickey Dunn ...? Catherine: Well, I showed ... he didn't. Warrick: You were sixteen, hot and ready, and he stood you up? Catherine: All I know is that I dodged a bullet. And he didn't. (Catherine walks out of the lab. Warrick puts the pin down and follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (Grissom and Archie review the registration security video. On the video, the woman stands at the front desk talking with the clerk. The video is date-stamped, 11/24/06 at 9:55 AM.) Grissom: Our killer pays in cash to avoid identification. (Archie hits a couple of keys on the keyboard.) Archie: Then she signs in. Grissom: Yeah -- giving us her name. (Grissom looks at the registration card for PAMELA VORHEES.) Grissom: Why? (Nick walks in.) Nick: Gentlemen ... blew up a clean copy of our hit list photo. Look at that. (He shows the photo to Grissom.) Grissom: Planted on two separate bodies by two separate killers. You know, Mickey Dunn practically owned Las Vegas -- these guys look like employees. Nick: Busboys, waiters, obviously at the Desert Inn. Grissom: Rumor has it that Mickey had a percentage of the DI. Nick: It still begs the question: Why are those guys killing these guys? Grissom: Yeah. I'll get PD to identify the last two. See what they have to say. (Grissom's phone rings. He answers it.) Grissom: (to phone) Grissom. Yeah. Okay. (He hangs up.) Brass just got a call from someone claiming that the ghost of Mickey Dunn wants to kill him. (They look at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. D'ANGELO RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE -- DAY] (Brass walks up the front drive. An officer follows him. He reaches the front door and rings the doorbell.) (The door opens.) Brass: Johnny D'Angelo -- Las Vegas Police. Look, we tried you at work, down at the chicken joint, but no Johnny. Johnny D'Angelo: I'm not coming out. Think I'm crazy? Brass: Slow down. Take it easy. Johnny D'Angelo: He killed all the others, now he's coming for me. Brass: Take it easy. Johnny D'Angelo: Can't arrest him. How do you kill a man who's already dead? Brass: Why don't you make it easy on all of us and blow off this ghost business, and ID the person who's after you -- preferably someone living. Okay? Now, you don't even have to say a name, all right? (Brass holds up the photo.) Brass: Just point at one of these guys. (Johnny D'Angelo glances outside, then points to Mickey Dunn.) Johnny D'Angelo: That's the ghost of Mickey Dunn. Brass: Okay, Johnny, I'll bite. Why would a dead guy have a beef with you? Johnny D'Angelo: You know? Back in the day ... Brass: Yeah? Johnny D'Angelo: Vegas was like ... (Quick flash to: [CASINO (1970's) - NIGHT] Mickey Dunn sits with a beautiful woman under each arm.) Johnny D'Angelo: (V.O.) -- out of some kid's book. And Mickey Dunn was the king -- only this was real. And, in reality, -- (Mickey Dunn pulls up in his Cadillac and passes the keys to his valets. He puts his arm around a beautiful woman and heads into the casino.) Johnny D'Angelo: (V.O.) -- the king has guys who work for guys all the way from the top to the bottom of the barrel. (He passes the bartender.) Johnny D'Angelo: (V.O.) -- That was us: Kenny, Mason, me and Derek. (The four workers are in camera frame.) (End of flashback. Resume present.) Johnny D'Angelo: You know how they say nobody saw Mickey Dunn leave Vegas that night? Brass: Yeah. Johnny D'Angelo: It's true. (Quick flashback to: [CASINO (1970'S) - NIGHT] Mickey Dunn leaves the casino. He pushes past one of his workers and puts his briefcase in the trunk of his car.) Johnny D'Angelo: (V.O.) 'Cause we saw him, and we was nobody. (He shuts the trunk, takes his jacket off and gets into his car.) Johnny D'Angelo: (V.O.) Mickey was acting like he owned the joint. Like he owned us. (The four workers watch Mickey start the car and leave. Derek talks to the others.) Johnny D'Angelo: (V.O.) That's when Derek got smart. (Cut to: The car zooms down the road. Another car follows. Johnny D'Angelo: (V.O.) Derek explained that we hadn't been paid in months. (Cut to: Mickey swerves off the road and hits a wire gate that gives way and opens. He parks. The second car parks behind him and the four workers get out.) Johnny D'Angelo: (V.O.) We were young. We were stupid. But Derek ... (Derek walks up to the car and fires a shot at Mickey.) Johnny D'Angelo: (V.O.) ... he was insane. (End of flashback. Resume present.) (Johnny D'Angelo takes a pill out and puts it in his mouth.) Brass: What do you got there, nitroglycerine? Johnny D'Angelo: (nods) Bum ticker. Brass: You know you just confessed to armed robbery, right? Johnny D'Angelo: (scoffs) Least of my worries. Now, either you get out there and you arrest the ghost of Mickey Dunn or you get the hell off my property. Brass: We're the cops, not the Ghostbusters. (Johnny shuts the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY / FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Robbins heads back to his autopsy room. From out in the hallway, he sees camera lights flashing and hears the shutter click.) (He enters the autopsy room and finds a man snapping photos of the bones on the table.) Robbins: Excuse me? (The man glances back at Robbins.) Robbins: Hello. Who are you? (Robbins heads toward him. The man walks around the table. Cameraman: I work here, in the, uh, lab. Robbins: No, I don't think so. I know everybody that works here, and I don't know you. (The man snaps another photo.) Cameraman: (smiles) I'm new. (The man snaps another photo.) Robbins: You're lying. Give me that camera. (The man looks at his camera.) Robbins: Now. Cameraman: All right, all right. (The man removes the camera from around his neck. The man pretends to give it to Robbins, then tries to get past him. He pushes the tray aside while snapping the camera flash in Robbins' face.) (As he tries to get past Robbins, Robbins trips the man with his cane. The man hits the counter and falls down.) Robbins: (shouts) Security! (Using the end of his cane, Robbins pushes the man's cheek to the side.) Robbins: Papparazzi. (Robbins looks at the bones and sees something. He turns on a light and the bones glow.) (An officer enters the autopsy room.) Robbins: Book that moron. Keep the camera. (The officer grabs the camerman.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. PAUL RESIDENCE - FRONT -- DAY] (Officer Mitchell walks up to the front door. He knocks. Iris Paul opens the door.) Officer Mitchell: Iris Paul? Iris Paul: Yes. Officer Mitchell: Officer Mitchell, Las Vegas Police Department. Are you Derek's mother? Iris Paul: Yes, I am. But I haven't seen Derek in-in months, uh, not since he got out of prison, mm-mm. He might be in Florida. Officer Mitchell: Florida. Iris Paul: Yeah. He loves it down there. Officer Mitchell: Can you give me a description of Derek? Iris Paul: Sure, sure. Uh, he's very tall, very, very lean, he has very long, dark hair that he won't cut, no matter how many times ... (As she speaks, a door opens and closes o.s. Derek runs out into the backyard and makes a break for the fence. Two officers grab him and catch him before he can get away.) (Officer Mitchell glances to the side.) Officer Mitchell: Kind of like that? (Iris Paul watches as the officers wrestle Derek to the ground and handcuff him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Sofia talks with Derek Paul.) Curtis: So why'd you run? Derek Paul: I don't like cops. Sofia: We hear you don't like criminals, either. Derek Paul: Is that right? Sofia: We know you worked for Mickey Dunn. We know you chased him, (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT (1970's)] Derek and the other workers get out of their parked car and head over to Mickey Dunn's parked car.) Sofia: (V.O.) -- you ran him off the road, you stuck a gun in his face. That's armed robbery. (Derek points the gun at Mickey and fires.) (End of flashback.) (She shows him the photo.) Derek Paul: If it happened. Sofia: Johnny D'Angelo said it did. Derek Paul: How is old scaredy-cat? Sofia: Credible. Derek Paul: There were a lot of rumors going around. Mickey owned this, he owned that. He owned a piece of the DI. We just happened to work there. A lot of us guys did. Sofia: See, I'm thinking that's not the full story. Derek Paul: You're young; you don't know. The memories, you get up there, they ... they start getting tricky. Sofia: Well, why don't you tell me what you do remember. Derek Paul: We took a little joyride, -- (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT (1970's)] The car with Derek and the other workers arrive at the lot. They get out of their car.) Derek Paul: (V.O.) -- looking for Mickey Dunn. But we never found him -- because someone else found him first, and who that was, I don't know. (The men look out at the sinking car in the lake.) Derek Paul: (V.O.) Because, by the time we got there, whoever had killed Mickey Dunn -- (End of flashback. Resume present.) Derek Paul: -- was already gone. Whoosh. Like a ghost. Sofia: I don't believe in ghosts. But we got one scared guy, we got two dead guys, and we got you, Derek. How do you feel about your buddies getting bumped off? Derek Paul: I'm all torn up inside. (She shows him the photos of Michael Myers and of Pamela Vorhees.) Sofia: You ever seen them? Derek Paul: Never. But ... they look like suspects. And I think you're fishing. And you got no legal right to hold me. If you can't hold me ... you got to let me go. (beat) Cue Sound: (PRE-LAP) GUN COCKS AND FIRES [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY] (Derek Paul is dead on the sidewalk from a gunshot to the chest. Johnny D'Angelo stands over him. He pulls out a photo and tucks it into Derek's pants pocket.) (The door opens and Iris Paul steps out. Johnny simply tucks the gun in his pants, grabs an apple -- Iris Paul: Johnny? Johnny D'Angelo? -- tosses it up in the air and catches it with one hand. He turns and leaves.) (She sees her son dead on the concrete and Johnny D'Angelo walking away.) Iris Paul: No! [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT./ INT. JOHNNY'S CHICKEN PALACE -- DAY] (Brass and several officers are outside the back door. An officer opens the door. An alarm blares.) Brass: Johnny D'Angelo! Las Vegas PD! (They enter and search the kitchen. No one is there.) (Brass turns and motions to the officers at the doorway. The alarm shuts off. Brass holsters his weapon. He exhales and looks around the kitchen.) Brass: (to radio) Yeah, go for Brass. Sofia: (from radio) Scene is Code 4. Johnny D'Angelo is not at his house. (Brass toes a broken frame and glass on the floor.) Brass: (to radio) Okay, got it. Thank you. (Up on the wall are various framed photos of famous people. There's a blank where a frame should be.) (Brass sniffs the air and smells something unpleasant.) Brass: Do you smell that? (Brass checks out the kitchen. He looks at the oven. He takes a couple of napkins out of the holder to use to open the oven door. We hear flies buzzing.) (Brass opens the large restaurant oven door and finds a dead body inside. It's Johnny D'Angelo.) (Brass checks for a pulse just to be sure. There's a photo clutched in Johnny's hand.) (Brass finds some sort of goo on his fingertips.) Brass: Maybe it was the ghost of Mickey Dunn. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- DAY] (Hodges is at the scope. He finds something, then removes his gloves.) (He grabs the printout and looks at it. He smiles, turns and heads out of the lab.) [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Hodges walks into the garage. He looks at the car and whistles appreciatively.) Hodges: Sweet ride. (Hodges walks over to the open car door where Greg is working.) Hodges: Know what makes human bones glow in the dark? Greg: Love? Hodges: Tetracycline. (Greg is reaching under the car seat and pulls out a revolver. He looks at it. Hodges looks over his shoulder.) Greg: You want to help me with a little experiment? Hodges: Sure. (Hodges goes to the counter to put on a pair of gloves. Greg gets out and goes to the front of the car.) Greg: Grab that evidence bag? (Hodges walks over to Greg.) Greg: Okay, let me see that. (Hodges takes the hood ornament out of the bag and gives it to Greg. Greg gives Hodges the hood ornament he's carrying.) Greg: Take this. (Greg tries the hood ornament on the hood. It doesn't match.) Greg: No go. (He swaps ornaments with Hodges and tries it on the hood. Hodges watches intently. It matches.) Greg: Okay. Looks like a match to me. Hodges: This is your experiment? Greg: Actually, it is. Thanks. (He grabs the bag from Hodges.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- DAY] (The photos of the victims are spread out on the table.) Grissom: The victims-- Ken Billings, Mason Carter, Derek Paul and Johnny D'Angelo -- all murdered in the last 24 hours. (Grissom, Warrick, Sara and Greg surround the layout table.) Sara: Four victims, three killers, no connection between them. Greg: Johnny D'Angelo's on both lists. Warrick: Could be he hired the others. Sara: Could be. We don't know where they are. We don't know who they are. Grissom: Let's stick to what we do know-- all the victims worked for Mickey Dunn, who's been dead for thirty years. Warrick: Well, check this out. I've been digging through the police files all morning, and guess who I found--Officer Eddie Sanchez. The "Ghost Rider." Now, assuming he's alive, the officer would be 55 today. And he has family down in Mexico. Sara: So you're thinking bike cop shoots Mickey Dunn, dumps the car and takes the money? Greg: And with the exchange rate, lives like a king, south of the border, for the last thirty years. Warrick: Fast-forward -- Mickey Dunn's car gets discovered. Sara: By a Mexican fisherman who would be just about the same age as the bike cop. Greg: Only the discovery was bogus. Turns out the hood ornament pulled from Lake Mead is a fake. Sara: So ... the fisherman was what, pulling off a hoax? Grissom: That or fraud -- he either planted that Derringer at the crime scene, or maybe someone paid him to. (Grissom looks at the photos of the killers and at the photos of the victims.) Warrick: Either way, whoever did it knew that this car was down there. Greg: And was missing the original hood ornament. Sara: Who could know that? Grissom: Someone who was there the night it went down. Greg: The motorcycle cop's looking better every minute. (Grissom takes the photos of the fisherman and of the killers.) Sara: (calls out) Hey, don't rule out the ghost of Mickey Dunn. [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS] (Hodges catches up with Grissom as he walks through the hallway with the photos.) Hodges: Doc told me to tell you your last vic, the one all pretzeled up in the oven, lividity's fixed: dead two days. Grissom: Before the Cadillac was found. Hodges: Yeah. Ah, and I got trace analysis on the sample Phillips collected on Chicken Johnny. Grissom: And? Hodges: Alginate and plaster of Paris. Combination used to make dental impressions. And you don't even seem to be the teeniest bit surprised. Grissom: I'm not. (Grissom walks into his office. Hodges sighs and leaves.) [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS] VARIOUS CUTS OF (Grissom takes out a ruler and a notebook. He measures the photos and writes down his findings. He measures the fisherman's eyes and writes: FISHERMAN EYE TO EYE - 2.25 (He measures Michael Myers' eyes and Pamela Voorhees' eyes. He writes in his notebook.) P. VOORHEES EYE TO EYE - 2.25 [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (In the computer, Grissom has the three photos - the fisherman, Michael Myers and P. Voorhees. Measurements appear on the photo of the fisherman. Grissom explains his findings to Archie and Catherine.) Grissom: Our Mexican fisherman signed his television release form "F. Kreuger." Catherine: Freddy Kreuger, 'Nightmare on Elm Street.' Archie: Yeah, and the karaoke singer was Michael Myers from 'Halloween.' Catherine: Parts one through nine. Johnson: Yeah, but ... who's the hotel killer now? Who's Pamela Voorhees? Catherine: 'Friday the 13th.' Archie: No, that's Jason. Jason's the sequel. Pamela, the mother, was the killer in the original -- that's the question that tripped up Drew Barrymore in 'Scream.' Catherine: Yeah, and look what happened to her. Archie: You watch slasher flicks? Catherine: (wry laugh) With Lindsay, I ... do. (scoffs) They never get the spatter right. (The faces of all the killers flash on the screen with the same matching measurements in every photo.) Grissom: All I know is the master of all scary movies was Lon Chaney, Sr., the man of a thousand faces, and that's what we're looking for. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Grissom and Brass talk as they walk through the hallway.) Brass: The thing that really gets me is, I talked to this killer dressed as Johnny D'Angelo, close enough to smell his breath and still he walks. Grissom: All the evidence says he was wearing state-of-the-art prosthetics. Brass: I want to see him in an orange jumpsuit and cuffs. He's got the real Johnny's wallet. Grissom: Well, if he's got his driver's license, he could be using it to try and escape. Brass: Yeah, but he said the vic's car is parked in the parking lot. Grissom: He doesn't need his car. He's got his face. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] Brass: (V.O.) I'll pull his credit records. I hope he bought something nice. [EXT. HIGHWAY -- DAY] ("Johnny D'Angelo" speeds along the highway in a convertible. "That's Life" plays on the sound system.) Lyric: "That's life (That's life) That's what all the people say / You're riding high in April, shot down in May" (A couple of police cars catch up with the convertible, their sirens wailing.) Lyric: "But I know I'm gonna change that tune ..." ("Johnny D'Angelo" slows the car down.) Lyric: "That's life" [SCENE_BREAK] (The two cars are stopped on the side of the road. The officer car doors open and officers get out, their guns drawn.) (Brass and Officer Mitchell approach the convertible.) Brass: Put your hands on the wheel! Put your hands on the steering wheel now! ("Johnny D'Angelo"puts his hands on the wheel.) "Johnny D'Angelo": (singing) I just can't ... Brass: Shut up and get out of the car. (Officer Mitchell opens the front door and helps "Johnny D'Angelo" out of the car.) "Johnny D'Angelo": (singing) Checking out, but my heart won't buy it (Officer Mitchell sees the revolver on the seat.) Officer Mitchell: Gun on the seat. (Officer Mitchell frisks "Johnny D'Angelo.") Officer Mitchell: He's clean. "Johnny D'Angelo": (singing) And then I'd buy it (He's handcuffed.) Brass: I thought I was clear on the "shut up." "Johnny D'Angelo": (singing) That's life. (The officers pull him away from the convertible to put him in back of a squad car. Brass looks at the trunk.) Brass: Pop the trunk. (Officer Mitchell pops the trunk.) "Johnny D'Angelo": (singing) And as funny as it may seem ... (The hood opens and inside are the 'fake' faces of the killers and of the old Spanish fisherman.) (Brass looks at the masks.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Catherine removes "Johnny D'Angelo's" wig.) Catherine: Chainsaw -- sound familiar? Mickey Dunn: You get to be my age, all kinds of things ring a bell. (Brass pushes a photo of Officer Eddie Sanchez toward him.) Brass: How about this? Any chimes? Mickey Dunn: That's a real good-lookin' boy. But as the poet said ... (Mickey Dunn removes his face mask and moustache.) Mickey Dunn: "It ain't me, babe." Catherine: Mickey Dunn. Mickey Dunn: Back from the dead. (points to the fake skin still hanging on his neck) You missed a spot. Catherine: I think I got all I need. Mickey Dunn: (to Brass) Just going along. Brass: Well, keep going, Mickey. Do you recognize him? (Brass shows him Officer Eddie Sanchez's photo.) Mickey Dunn: Could be a dead cop. Catherine: Yeah, Officer Eddie Sanchez. He had a wife, two kids. He also had a skin condition commonly known as acne which he treated with tetracycline. (Quick flash of: [AUTOPSY ROOM] Dr. Robbins snaps photos of the glowing bones.) Catherine: (V.O.) That drug incorporated into his bones, making them glow under ultraviolet light. (End of flashback.) Catherine: Helped us identify him. (Catherine sits down.) Brass: Thing's aren't looking too good for you, Mickey. So now we know we got a dead cop's body in your old car. So tell me what happened. You were skipping town and Eddie Sanchez pulled you over and you shot him point-blank? Mickey Dunn: (to Catherine) Like I told you, you missed a spot. You missed a big spot. I shot a lot of guys point-blank. But this nosy piece of garbage bike cop that you two are so teared-up about ... I shot him from 40 feet away with a soaking-wet revolver. It was one hell of a shot. (Quick flashback to: [LAKE - NIGHT] Eddie Sanchez turns his bike in to the embankment near the lake. He parks his bike and follows the tire tracks in the dirt all the way to the lake.) Mickey Dunn: (V.O.) The poor dumb b*st*rd didn't know what hit him. (He sees lights of the car in the lake.) Mickey Dunn: (V.O.) He thought he'd been trained. They don't prepare you for what I got. (He's startled when Mickey Dunn comes up for air. He takes his gun out and points it at Mickey. Mickey starts to walk toward him.) (He sees the gun in Mickey's hand.) Eddie Sanchez: Stop! Stop or I'll shoot! (Mickey doesn't stop. He continues to walk toward Eddie.) Eddie Sanchez: I said stop! (Mickey raises his gun and fires. He hits Eddie in the chest. Eddie falls back to the ground.) (Cut to: Mickey smashes in Eddie's teeth.) Mickey Dunn: (V.O.) You found the skull had no teeth because I bashed 'em in with the barrel of my gun. BACK TO SCENE. Mickey Dunn: And all the forensics in the world ain't gonna show you that when I smashed his face in ... I liked it. Brass: You're under arrest, Mickey, for murder. Catherine: Thank God you blew me off when I didn't know better. (Catherine gets up and heads out.) Mickey Dunn: Sam Braun's daughter. (She stops at the door, surprised that he even recognized her.) Mickey Dunn: You think that I would ever forget a face? (Quick flash to: [CASINO] Young Catherine in the casino as she smiles at Mickey.) Mickey Dunn: (V.O.) That face? (He pushes her hair back and whispers to her.) Mickey Dunn: Meet me outside, 2:00 a.m. sharp. BACK TO SCENE. Mickey Dunn: Ask yourself what force on earth would have kept me from your soft teenage graces. Only one: Daddy. Catherine: Sam Braun stopped you? Mickey Dunn: Sam always said that if I ever touched you, he'd tear me apart. (chuckles) That took a big pair to say that to me. He said that you were family. Still, now he's gone. We're here. We could always give it a go. Catherine: You're not going anywhere. (Mickey gasps and clutches his chest. Brass gets up and checks on Mickey.) Brass: (to Catherine) He's having a heart attack. Call a paramedic. (Catherine turns and leaves the room. Brass and the other officer in the room help Mickey to the floor.) Mickey Dunn: (gasps) Bum ticker ... right on time. (Brass does chest compressions on Mickey.) Brass: Okay, take it easy, buddy. Take it easy. FADE TO WHITE: [INT. HOSPITAL - ROOM] (Mickey Dunn wakes up in a hospital bed. He's handcuffed to the bedframe. Catherine stands over him.) Catherine: I'll give you a hint: you're not in heaven. How long you been living with a bullet in your chest? Mickey Dunn: Who told you? Catherine: Why God invented X-rays. Mickey Dunn: You'd like to take it out, have a closer look. Ah, but you can't do that, not without killing me. Catherine: I'm guessing it's a .38 ... (Quick flash to: [NIGHT] Derek Paul shoots Mickey Dunn and tosses the gun in the car.) (Cut to: Robbins pulls out a bullet from autopsy.) Catherine: (V.O.) ...which matches the .38 that we took from the body of Derek Paul, -- (Cut to: Greg sifts through the dirt found in the car and finds a bullet.) Catherine: (V.O.) -- which also matches the one that killed Eddie Sanchez. BACK TO SCENE. (Mickey Dunn smiles. Catherine sits CATHERINE: You like horror movies, Mickey? Mickey Dunn: You know ... I love 'em. Catherine: I got one for you. Mickey Dunn: Does it got a monster in it? Catherine: (chuckles) Yeah. (Quick flash to: [NIGHT] Mickey crashes through the wire fence gate and onto the lake embankment. Derek Paul and the other workers follow him.) Catherine: (V.O.) I bet you heard it. It's strictly B-list stuff. No-name cast, summer release. (They park and get out of the car. Derek walks up to the car.) Catherine: (V.O.) Four Vegas punks run a monster off the road. (Derek shoots Mickey and tosses the gun in the car.) Catherine: (V.O.) They shoot him, they rob him, they leave him for dead. (Derek pops the trunk and takes the suitcase of cash. Catherine: (V.O.) But everybody knows that shooting the monster and killing him are never the same. (They push the car into the lake. The car hits the water. Mickey opens his eyes.) (The guys get in the car and drive away. Officer Eddie Sanchez arrives on his bike. Catherine: (V.O.) A young honest cop arrives and with him comes opportunity. (Mickey emerges from the lake. Eddie reaches for his gun. Mickey fires and kills Eddie. He changes clothes with Eddie.) Catherine: (V.O.) The monster changes his name, his face ... passes for human. (Mickey puts on the officer's helmet.) Catherine: (V.O.) Rides off into the night. (He runs to the bike and rides away.) BACK TO SCENE. Mickey Dunn: And the legend is born. The end. Catherine: Mickey, you know that real horror stories never end. Mickey Dunn: Oh, this one does. (laughs) It's been huge fun coming back, trying new faces, leading you all around town by the nostrils. Setting up the big discovery. (Quick flashback to: [LAKE - DAY] The fisherman is holding the revolver hood ornament while being interviewed by Tally Jeffers.) Fisherman: Everybody here knows Mickey Dunn. (Mick changes masks. He pulls off his fake face.) Tally Jeffers: (V.O.) I'm Tally Jeffers, KRAC-TV, Lake Mead, Nevada. (FLASH TO: Michael pushes Kenneth's wheelchair.) Mickey Dunn: (V.O.) Going after Kenneth... (He puts the photo in Kenneth's shirt pocket.) Mickey Dunn: (to Kenneth) I'm Mickey Dunn. (He pushes Kenneth's wheelchair out onto the street. Kenneth screams as he's hit by the vehicle.) (Mickey removes his Michael Myers' face.) (CUT TO: Pamela Voorhees chokes Mason in the hotel room. He shoves the photo in his mouth.) Mickey Dunn: (V.O.) ...taking out Mason ... (He moves his Pamela face.) Mickey Dunn: (V.O.) ... and the best part of all, -- (CUT TO: Mickey removes a cast from Johnny's face.) Mickey Dunn: (V.O.) the look on poor Johnny's face. (CUT TO: Mickey has his Johnny face on. He stands over Derek Paul's body and tucks the gun into his pants.) Mickey Dunn: (V.O.) Not the most handsome guy in the world, BACK TO SCENE. Mickey Dunn: but a face worth wearing. And the hardest part? Learning Spanish. (He chuckles.) Good times. Catherine: Why now? Mickey Dunn: Because that tiny piece of metal that Derek shot in my chest has finally moved. Doctors gave me a week, maybe two, to live. Figured I'd go out with a bang, never see the inside of a cell. It's really funny how one little bullet can make things suddenly seem so clear. (Catherine smiles at him and stands up.) Catherine: (innocently) You mean this bullet? (She shows him a bullet.) Catherine: Mob doctors ... (she puts the bullet on the table) ... become Mob doctors because they sucked in the first place. B ut we got a licensed surgeon that fixed you up good. Cheer up, Mickey, you're gonna live another twenty ... thirty years. And you'll be spending every day in the federal penitentiary. But only until you die. (Catherine turns and heads out. She stops.) Mickey Dunn: Well, I'll still go out a legend. You haven't changed that. Catherine: Oh, you've been out of the game awhile. The homies they have in the pen these days never heard of you. Mickey Dunn: That's impossible. Catherine: No, Mickey, that's life. (Catherine winks at him. She turns and leaves.) Lyric: "That's life ... That's life ..." (Camera holds on Mickey Dunn in the hospital bed.)

The Cadillac of an infamous 1970's mob boss, Mickey Dunn, is found in a lake after he disappeared years ago. Shortly afterwards, a string of murders occur in which the killers almost eagerly leave evidence of their appearance for witnesses and the CSIs. Furthermore, an old picture of the victims standing next to Dunn outside the Desert Inn casino is planted on their bodies. The team must then find out what the connection is between the murders, Dunn and a missing policeman. Roger Daltrey of The Who guest stars as Mickey Dunn.

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_02x18

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_02x18_0

(Burke and Cristina's apartment) (Cristina is listening to music extremely loudly on her Ipod and dancing by herself in the apartment. She's also brushing her teeth and getting dressed at the same time) MVO: After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here's what I've decided. (Cristina puts on her jacket) MVO: There's no such thing as a grown up. (Burke enters the apartment after his morning run all sweaty and stares at Cristina. Cristina instantly stops. Cristina starts dancing quite crazily up towards Burke) MVO: We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. Burke: Oh, no. I'm all wet. (Burke looks amused and Cristina laughs. She tries to get him to dance but he refuses. She moves up to him and removes his jacket trying to get him to dance. Burke tries to walk by her but she stops him and dances in front of him. He starts dancing with her and Cristina lets out a laugh. A mobile rings. Burke moves to answer it still dancing) Burke: Hello? No, Dr. Burke. (Cristina gargles and spits out her paste into the kitchen sink) Yes. (She wipes her mouth on the dishtowel...Burke looks confused on the phone) Yes I'll let her know. (Cristina continues on dancing. Burke dances in front of her half-heartedly) Burke: That was your landlord. (Cristina removes her earplugs from her Ipod and stops dancing) He wants you to know that there's a minor flood in your apartment. Your other apartment! (Cristina has an uh-oh look on her face and Burke looks less than impressed and walks off. Cristina looks after him with a very guilty expression) MVO: But the basic insecurities, the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us. (Nursing home) (Ellis is sitting down on a chair. Meredith is helping herself to some coffee) Ellis: I'm exhausted. Meredith: Me, too. MVO: And just when we think that life and circumstance have forced us to truly, once and for all become an adult ... (Meredith places the coffee and some food on the table in front of Ellis) Ellis: I was going at it all night in the on-call room. What's your excuse? (Meredith stands up and turns around to face Ellis shocked) MVO: ... your mother says something like that. Meredith: Mom. Ellis: I tell ya that man makes me purr like a kitten. Meredith: Mom! Ellis: When he isn't making me growl like a tiger. Meredith: Stop! (Ellis chuckles to herself) Ellis: And my husband wonders why I'm not interested in him anymore. MVO: Or worse. Something like that. Ellis: If he had any balls at all he would leave on his own. (she shakes his head) No. He plays stupid. He's waiting for me to kick him out. I come home with a hickey on my shoulder. (she points to her shoulder) A hickey! For god's sake like I'm a sex-crazed teenager. (she chuckles) Which let's face it these days I am. And what does Thatcher do? Pretends he doesn't see it. (Meredith just looks stunned at the information) MVO: We get bigger, we get taller, we get older. But for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids. (Locker room) (The interns are getting ready for another day. George is standing from afar watching Meredith sitting down in front of the locker just staring at them) MVO: Running around the playground trying desperately to fit in. (George moves to walk up to Meredith. Cristina enters the locker room and pushes past George) Cristina: You know, he's acting like I committed a crime. Like my apartment is full of stolen goods. (George walks off as Cristina dumps her stuff in her locker ranting to Meredith) Cristina: He's acting like I kept my apartment to hide stolen goods so I can do illegal transactions for money. Meredith: Are you sure he's just not acting like you lied about moving in? Cristina (makes a face): Ok, what's wrong with you? Meredith: My mommy's a filthy whore. (Cristina shrugs) (Another part of the locker room where Izzie is getting ready. Alex is standing in front of her giving her a very suggestive look also getting ready) Izzie: You have dirty in your eyes. Alex (grins): You have dirty in your eyes. Izzie (smiles): I'm not doing dirty with you any more. It was a one time lapse in judgment. Alex: Oh it was a 4 time lapse in judgment. Izzie: Yeah well it's not gonna happen again. Alex (disbelieving): Oh ok. Izzie (smiles): I'm serious! We're friends and it didn't work when we tried to be more than that so ... as fun as it was, it's not gonna happen again. (She looks at him like she wants to have s*x right there now) Alex: Stop looking at me. Izzie: I'm not looking at you. I'm rounding. Alex: I'm rounding too. Izzie (smiles): Fine. Alex (smiles): Fine. (Patient room. A middle aged man named Chuck Eaton is lying in the hospital bed. Burke is in there standing with Bailey's interns minus Bailey of course) Meredith: Chuck Eaton. 54. Has stage 3B non small cell lung cancer with possible invasion of the pleura. And a history of COPD. He's had extensive chemo-radiotherapy (Cristina shoots Burke a look which he returns) with minimal regression of the tumor. He's been admitted for radical and block re-section. Chuck: I was a smoker. The ah oncologist, he explained that I have a 25% chance of surviving the surgery. Burke: Well unfortunately that's about right. If you should elect not to proceed we can make you more comfortable. Chuck: With all do respect ah- there's no way you can make a man dying a slow death comfortable. I'll roll the dice. (Izzie and George are walking down a hallway) George: How would you say I looked today? Would you say I looked nice? Izzie: Well I say you could use a little more lip gloss but yes you're very pretty. George (smiles): Oh you're mean. Izzie: I'm just kidding. You look fine. George: Seriously, how's my breath? (He breathes onto her face) Izzie: George. Would you just talk to her? George: Who, what... Izzie (interrupts): Oh! (Further up ahead she sees Cristina, Meredith and Alex standing with Bailey holding her baby boy Will. She walks up to them) Izzie (in a baby voice): Good morning Dr. Bailey. Hi, big boy! Bailey: Are the OR's up and running? Cristina: Ah yeah fully functional. Except there's some smoke damage to the corridor. Bailey (to Meredith): How bout you? You fully functional? Meredith (nods): I'm fine. How's your husband? Bailey: Take him home tomorrow. (Will makes a cute noise and Bailey does a little baby voice as well) Yes we are. Yeah. Yeah. Izzie (joins in): Oh, you're cute. I know you are. Bailey: Okay this is not a tea party. Go work. Save some lives. (They disperse quickly) Now! (Bailey chuckles and walks down the other way) (Patient room where a teenaged boy named Jake Burton is lying in the hospital bed. Jake has very prominent bony structures on his face making it appear a lot larger than normal. Derek, Cristina, Alex, Izzie, George, Meredith and both Jake's parents are there) Cristina: Jake Burton. 15. Has advanced craniodiaphyseal dysplasia. Was admitted last night after complaining of headaches. Mrs. Burton: He's not a complainer. Mr. Burton: He's been having some nausea as well. Derek: Okay may I? (The parents move aside and Derek moves close to the bedside) Jake, can I get you to sit up please? Jake: Sure. Derek: Right okay. I want you to look right here for me. (He holds up a finger in front of Cristina. Jake looks directly at Cristina) Thank you. (Cristina looks a little uncomfortable and shifts her gaze as Derek checks Jake's eyes) Jake: You know you could pretend I'm a lion. It helps. Cristina: Sorry? Jake: You could pretend I'm a lion and then instead of a really messed up kid you get a talking circus animal which is way easier to look at. (Derek chuckles) Derek: Dr. Yang what's our immediate concern? Cristina: Ah that the bony tumors are growing inward and encroaching on his brain. (Derek nods) (Meredith is typing at a computer standing up at a nurses' station. A very, very hot young man wearing a leather jacket comes up to her and peers over her shoulder. His name is Mark) Mark: Invasive non-cell. With a history of COPD. (he shrugs) That guy's pretty much a goner, huh? Meredith: Sensitivity. I like that in a stranger. Are you new here? Mark: Visiting. Confounded by all the rain and it's only my first day in town. Meredith: You get used to it. (Meredith moves away from the comp and a few feet away. Mark follows her) Mark: Makes me wanna stay in bed all day. Meredith: We just met and already you're talking about bed. Not very subtle. (Derek stands up noticing him through the window of the adjacent office behind the nurses' station. Addison comes up the hallway and looks shocked) Mark: Subtle has never been my strong suit. So ... do you ever go out with co-workers? Meredith (smiles): I um...make it a rule not to. Mark: Then I am so glad that I don't work here. Meredith: Are you hitting on me? In a hospital? Mark: Would that be wrong? Meredith: Meredith. (George is also looking through the window annoyed. They shake hands. All of sudden Derek punches Mark really hard across the face. Mark falls to the ground) Derek (shakes his hand): Aah! Meredith (stunned): What the hell was that?! Derek: That was Mark. (Conference room where Derek is now sitting down. Addison puts an ice pack on it and Derek removes it. Richard is pacing around angrily. Addison sits a few chairs away from Derek) Richard (angry): Punching out people on my surgical floor! My head of Neurosurgery punching out people on my surgical floor! A ddison: Put the ice back on your hand. Derek: My hand is fine! Richard (angry): Put the damn ice on your 2 million dollar a year hand! (Derek places the ice-pack back on his hand) Now, would someone tell me what the hell happened? (Derek gives Addison a look) Addison: That was Mark. Richard (more calm): Who's Mark? Addison: He and Derek used to work together back in New York. ... ... And umm... They ah... We were all close friends. ... Until, Derek found us in bed together. (Richard is silent for a moment) Richard (to Derek): You put your weight behind it? Derek: Yes sir. Richard (nods): Well, alright then. (He leaves. Addison places her head in her hands) Derek: What the hell is he doing here? Addison: I have no idea. (Trauma room where Meredith is cleaning up the large cut on Mark's face) Mark: Derek and I always did have the same taste in women. Meredith: Excuse me? Mark: You're Derek's lusty intern, right? Heard about you all the way back in New York. You're famous. Meredith: Hmm, well I heard about you all the way here in Seattle so I guess we have a lot in common. Mark: We're the dirty mistresses. Meredith: I suppose we are. Mark: My 400 dollar an hour shrink says that because behind this rugged and confident exterior, I'm self destructive and self loathing to an almost pathological degree. Meredith: Hey, we do have a lot in common. Mark: You know it's funny, Derek...(he turns to face Meredith but she grasps his face so he's staring straight so she clean the wound on his cheek) Derek walks in on me naked with his wife actually in the throes. And he just turns around and walks away, but he sees me so much as talking to you and I'm on the ground bleeding. Interesting, don't you think? (Meredith doesn't respond. She places a towel on his shoulder and moves to start suturing his face) Mark: What do you think you're doing? Meredith: You need stitches. Mark: I know. (he holds up a mirror) Hold the mirror. (Meredith gives him a look and hands him the surgical tools. She takes the mirror from him and stands in front of him so he can stitch it up himself) (Out the window you can see Cristina, Alex, Izzie and George all watching from the nurses' station) George: Why is he suturing his own face? Cristina: To turn me on. Alex: Cause he's Mark Sloan. He's like the go-to plastic surgeon on the East Coast. George (shocked): That's the guy Addison was sleeping with? Izzie: You can't really blame her, can you? Cristina: No, not really. George: Yes you can. (Meredith comes up to them) Meredith: McSexy wants an x-ray to check for fractures and I think it's a bad idea if I take him. George: Why? Why? Alex: I'm on it. (Alex leaves) George: Why is it a bad idea? Cristina: McSexy? Meredith: No. Izzie: McYummy. Meredith and Cristina: No. Meredith: McSteamy. Cristina: Oh there it is. Izzie: Yep. (she chuckles) (They all look at Mark through the trauma room window) George: Uh, just ah choking back some McVomit. (He walks off) (George and Izzie are putting on some yellow gowns getting ready to enter the Pit) George: I saw her first! The night she met Shepherd, I had her ear. We talked. And I can't even remember what I said. Izzie: You know how when you haven't had s*x for a while and you sort of forget how good it is and you don't really need it as much? George: Yeah, that doesn't happen to guys. (George moves behind to tie up the back of Izzie's gown) Izzie: It's like a beast. A beast that was asleep for a long, long time and now, the beast is wide awake! And wants to be fed. And the food that Alex gave it was good food George. (George yanks back Izzie's yellow gown) George: Something needs to be done about your taste. Izzie: Oh! You're just jealous because your beast is still asleep. George: Heh! My beast isn't asleep. My beast never sleeps! (They rush outside to meet the incoming ambulance) (Meredith is peering into Mr. Eaton's room. She enters and sees that Chuck is assembling a video camera) Meredith: Mr. Eaton. Do you need a hand with that? Chuck: Ah if you could set up the tripod that would be very helpful. Meredith: Are you...what are you doing? Chuck: I'm dying dear. 1 in 4. I ah, I've never done well with odds like that. Some people are lucky. I just never have been. The camera is for posterity. Saying good-bye. Meredith: Do you want me to hold the camera for you? Chuck (teary-eyed): You're very kind. Thank you. (He sits more upright and Meredith turns on the video camera. Chuck wipes his eyes and removes his oxygen tube) Meredith: Okay, we're recording. Chuck: This, this ah this is a message for Susie Zelman. My college sweetheart and the love of my life. (Meredith smiles at this) Susie, I loved you with my whole heart. And I never would have stopped loving you if you hadn't been a vilest (Meredith looks shocked) whore to have ever walked the planet Earth. You deserve that- that drunken imbecile that you slept with and then married. And then at the reunion I met your ugly children, I, I knew that you had done me a real favor! I am so deeply happy that I never have to see your face again. ... Love, Chuck. (Meredith doesn't look too impressed. He puts his oxygen tube back in) Could you please put in a fresh tape dear? (Alex and Mark are looking at x-rays of Mark's face in the x-ray viewing room) Alex: I read about that jaw reconstruction you did using a micro-muscular free transfer from the foot. Mark: You interested in plastics? Alex (nods): Absolutely. Mark: Might want to consider a transfer to New York or Los Angeles. You're not gonna see any heat up here. Alex: Actually, have you ever seen an advanced case of craniodiaphyseal dysplasia? Mark: Lionitis? (Alex nods) (Incoming trauma case. A young woman named Pamela is being wheeled on a gurney by the paramedic named Jill down a hospital hallway in the Pit. George and Izzie and other E.R. doctors are wheeling the gurney as well) Jill: Restrained driver in a minor MVC. Vitals are stable but witnesses saw seizure activity behind the wheel. (They move her onto a hospital bed in the Pit) Pamela: I really don't think I even need to be here. Izzie: You should really let us determine that ma'am. Jill: Witnesses say she was screaming, shuddering and, and cracking her jaw. George: Do you have a seizure disorder that you're aware of? Izzie: Epilepsy? Pamela: Not epilepsy. I don't have epilepsy- Oh no. Oh god it's happening again. Oh no! Oh! Oh! Oh, Oh Ah! (She has a very vocal orgasm) Ah! (She looks upset that just happened) Jill: Was that a ...? George: Did she just have a...? Izzie (breathes out): Orgasm. (Izzie, George and Addison are standing at doorway leading into the Pit) Addison: Spontaneous orgasms? Are you sure? Izzie (smiles): Oh yes. George: Kinda hard to miss. Addison: Okay. (They walk up to Pamela) Miss Calva, I'm Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd. Pamela: It's Pamela. Since we're gonna be talking about you know. May as well get familiar. Addison: Okay, Pamela can you tell me how long this has been happening to you? Pamela: For a few months I guess. Addison: How often? Pamela: About 7 or 8 times a day. Izzie (excited): Everyday? Addison : Eh Dr. Stevens. Izzie: I'm sorry. Everyday? Pamela: Yes. Everyday. Addison: And you haven't seen a doctor about this before? George: It's not exactly something you want to cure is it? Addison : Dr. O'Malley! George: Sorry. (low tone) Is it? (Izzie grins) Pamela: I went to my doctor. He sent me to a shrink. Addison: And he didn't do any tests? (A voice calls out) Mr. Calva: Pammy? Are you back here? (Pamela notices a middle-aged man calling out through the window) Pamela: Oh god no. You called my father?! George: He's your emergency contact person. (Mr. Calva walks up to them) Mr. Calva: Pammy, what happened? You were in an accident? Pamela: I caused the accident Dad. Mr. Calva: You had one of your... Pamela: Episodes. Yeah. Oh no. Dang it. (She grabs a pillow to muffle her orgasm) Mr. Calva (tries to talk over it): She's a junior at UW. She's a math major. Last 3 semesters she made the honor roll. High up in the honor roll. Addison (uncomfortable): Mr. Calva we're gonna run some tests and we're gonna ... we're gonna figure out what's causing your daughter's... Pamela: Episodes. Addison: That's right. Episodes. Ok. (Chuck's room. There is a pile of about 12 tapes made already. He's doing another while Meredith is helping sitting down filming) Chuck: And when you were 14! You stole Laura Brendese right out from under me. You knew how I felt about her! Don't say you didn't know because you knew! And you went for her anyway. What kind of human being does that to his little brother? Meredith: He was 14! Cut him slack for god's sake. Oh. Sorry, I forgot we were recording. Chuck: If you wouldn't mind rewinding just a little bit. Please? (Meredith shuts the video cam and stands up) Meredith: I'm a doctor. Not a videographer and I do need to prep you for surgery. Chuck: But you offered to help. Meredith: When I thought you were saying goodbye. Chuck: I am saying goodbye. None of these people. Not one of them knows how I really feel. My whole life, I've kept it all inside. I, I don't want to carry this with me to my grave. Meredith: You seem like such a nice man. Wouldn't you just rather them remember you that way? Chuck: No. ... Please rewind the tape. (Jake is lying down about to enter an MRI machine. Cristina is standing over him) Cristina: Okay Jake it can get a little cramped in there so you have to try not to move. Jake: Yeah uh this is like my 50th MRI experience. Cristina: Right, sorry. (Cristina presses a button and Jake starts moving into the machine) Jake: It's okay. You have really nice eyes. (Cristina presses the button to stop) I'm just saying you're mostly all surly and hard core but your eyes aren't. I'm really big on eyes. The only part of my face where the tumors aren't growing. Cristina: Yeah, you've got nice eyes. Jake: Yeah? Cristina: Mmm Hmm. Jake: You, you get that I'm jailbait right? (Cristina grins broadly) (Meredith is walking out into the hall. Richard walks by her and up to a nurses' station) Richard: Meredith. Meredith: Chief. ... (she walks up quickly after him) Chief, can I ask you something? Not worked related? Richard: Mmm okay. Meredith: Do you remember my father? (Richard looks up at this) Richard: Of course. Meredith: Do you know why he left? Richard: I believe your mother asked him to. Meredith: Right but do you know why? Richard (shakes his head): No. No I'm sorry I don't. Well have a good day. Meredith: Thanks, you too. (Richard walks off unsettled) (Cristina and Derek are walking down the hall) Derek: Dr. Yang, book an OR please. [SCENE_BREAK] (They walk to the doorway of Jake's room. Mark is in there with Jake and his parents and Alex) Mrs. Burton: How, how is that possible? Mark: It's precision work. It won't be easy but... (Derek looks furious that Mark is even in there) Derek (interrupts): Dr. Sloan, can I help you with something? Jake: He says he can fix my face. He says he can make me look like normal. (Derek gives Mark a very angry heated look that Mark just stares right back down) (Cristina and Alex are watching through some windows Richard's office where Richard, Mark and Derek are discussing the case very angrily) Alex: What did he say? Did you hear that? Cristina: Did he call him a crack-whore? Alex: You call him that. Cristina: Oh shut up. I'm trying to read lips. Shepherd's gesturing! Big gesturing! (George walks up to them) George: What do you got? Alex: Shepherd, Sloan battling it out. Cristina: Oh it's getting good! Alex: Why what do you got? (George shrugs and acts very casual) George: Just a woman down in the E.R ... having spontaneous orgasms. (Both Cristina and Alex turn to stare at George. They all sprint off. Cristina is a little behind) Cristina: Hey, wait, wait, wait! (Richard's office where the arguing is going down) Derek (angry): That is not the point! Mark (angry): The point is that the kid wants his face fixed! Derek (yells): The point is you wanna get published! Mark: Well yeah and I'm guessing your Chief of Surgery does too. You know how the press love a good before and after shot Richard. Richard (annoyed): Call me Dr. Webber. (Derek looks smug) Richard: Derek out of friendship to you I would very much like to say no to this ... jackass. But as Chief ... Derek (shakes his head): Please don't say it. Richard: Dr. Sloan if you can get the parents to sign a consent form ... (Mark nods) Mark: Round two goes to the jackass. (George, Cristina and Alex are at the doorway entrance to the pit. Pamela is dead across from them with Izzie, Mr. Calva and Addison at her bedside) Cristina: Which one? Which one? George: Twelve o'clock. Pamela: Oh no! Oh no it's happening! (George and the other two walk in a bit. Pamela starts having an orgasm. Cristina and Alex look very amused. Addison notices them and quickly closes the curtain to give her privacy) Addison: Doctors. Is there something you need? George: No. No. (Alex shakes his head) Cristina: No. Addison: Well in that case move on. (They turn around and start heading out back the way they came) Cristina: I don't get what McDreamy and McSteamy see in her. Alex: She's McHot. George: McYeah she is. (Addison is walking down a hallway. Derek comes up in the opposite direction closely followed by Mark. They all stop when they see each other. Derek instantly turns around and walks away. Addison moves to walk away and Mark chases after her) Mark: Oh come on, you're not even a little bit happy to see me? Addison: Go home! Whatever it is you came here to do, just drop it and leave. Mark: Hey we all make mistakes Addison. All 3 of us... Addison (tries to interrupt): Mark. Mark (continues ignoring Addison): but somehow, somehow I lost my best friend and the woman I loved. Addison: Please don't say that. Mark: He doesn't know how we felt. ( Addison looks away) He doesn't know you stayed with me after he left? How do you expect to work out a marriage if you can't even be honest with him? Addison: Why are you here? Mark: For one reason. To bring you home. I miss you, Addison. Addison: I'm in love with my husband Mark. Mark: But he's not in love with you. (Addison looks down) He's in love with that intern and he's not even trying to hide it. Why would even want to stick around for that? (Addison looks at him and then walks away) (Outdoor cafeteria. Meredith and Cristina are already sitting down having lunch. Alex, Izzie and George sit down with them) Alex: I think you're making it up. Izzie: He's not. I saw it four times. (Cristina chuckles) Meredith: What? George: Woman with spontaneous orgasms. Cristina: Oh yeah, uh huh. Meredith: Really? George (to Alex): You're just jealous because you didn't see it yourself. Alex: Totally am. (He gives Izzie a 'dirty' look. Izzie shakes her head at him) Meredith: Spontaneous orgasms? Really? George (to Meredith in a low voice): You look really nice today. Cristina: Any chance they're contagious? Meredith: I mean spontaneous orgasms that would solve so many problems. George (chuckles): It would. It would. (again in a low voice) I think you smell nice too. Cristina: You know it's like you see someone throw up, makes you wanna throw up too. Kinda like that? Izzie: Kinda like. (She glances at Alex. He's grinning and laughing silently at her. She tries not to laugh) You know what? I'm not hungry. (to Alex) Do you hear me? I'm not hungry. Neither is the beast. (She gets up and leaves) Cristina: The beast? Is that like some sly reference to your pen1s? Alex: Get your mind out of the gutter crack-whore. Cristina: Mmm. (George and Meredith laugh) George: No it's not Alex's pen1s. It's, you know when you haven't had s*x for a long time and you forget how good it is, so you want it less? (Both Cristina and Meredith look at him weirdly) Cristina: Yeah that doesn't happen to me. Meredith: Me either. George: Me either. (CT viewing room where Izzie, George and CT tech guy are waiting for the images of Pamela's scan) George: I grew my hair for her and... Izzie: I know. George: And I don't even think she's noticed. Izzie: You could just try telling her how you feel. (The scans that come up and really blurry) CT Tech: Uh guys, she's moving. Like a lot. (Izzie speaks into the mic) Izzie: Pamela you have to hold still. (You can hear Pamela having an orgasm through the mic. The CT tech looks amused. Izzie switches off the mic) Izzie: Okay. George (amused): That's not helping the beast sleep. Izzie: Ah no. (she shakes her head) No it's not. (Jakes room where Mark is drawing on Jake's face out-lining where he'll be cutting. Cristina and Alex are watching and Jake is looking at it through a mirror) Alex: You're drawing the medial to the tumor. Mark: It's a guideline for what the bone structure should be. Jake: You hear that? I'm gonna have bone structure. (His parents and Derek walk in) Mrs. Burton: Jake. Jake: What do you think am I Dali or more of a Picasso? Mr. Burton: Could you stop doing that for a minute please? (Mark stops drawing. Mr. Burton squats near Jake) Mr. Burton: Jake, Jake I'm sorry. This surgery, the brain surgery is very dangerous. Jake: Oh don't say that. You, you don't get to change your mind. Derek: You know I know Dr. Sloan has made you some big promises ... but the bony tumors inside your skull are bad. Jake: I don't care! Derek: The bleeding will be hard to control. I'm not trying to frighten you. I just want you to understand. Jake: I do understand this...I understand this has nothing to do with plastic surgery. So, so if I'm going to be under the knife anyway then I- Mr. Burton (interrupts): The plastic surgery can be done at some- Mark (interrupts): I'm sorry to interrupt. Derek (interrupts): What you need to understand... Mark (interrupts): Excuse me Jake is actually right. (Derek scoffs) No reason to put him through a second surgery and a second round of anesthesia. (Alex nods) It's much safer to just do it all at once. Mrs. Burton: Honey we just want to focus on keeping you alive. Jake: Come on mom. I almost died when I was ten years old. And then again when I was twelve. And then again last year. But, but I'm still alive. I'm still alive. So, so I say we go for it. Mrs. Burton: Jake. Jake: Look, I...I know that you think I'm perfect just the way I am but ... that's your job to do that. But (he shrugs) ... for once in my life I'd like to think to that someone else thought that. Please? (Mr. Burton looks at his wife who is crying) Jake: Please? (Meredith is sitting in an office behind the nurses' station where she is putting the tapes Chuck made into envelopes. Derek comes up to her) Derek: You've given up surgery to go into clerical work? Meredith: I'm fulfilling a patient's dying wish to send hate mail to everyone he's ever met. Derek: Ah. ... Right now I understand the impulse. Meredith: Me too. Why do people cheat? Derek: That's a good question. Meredith: Why do you think she cheated on you? Were you different then? Were you a bad husband? (He is silent for a bit) Derek: I was ah ... (he sighs and sits down next to her) I was just a little absent. Not that that's an excuse for her. Meredith: Do you think things would have been different if you'd had kids? Derek: Do I think she wouldn't have cheated? ... (he shakes his head) I don't know. (They just look at each other for a bit. Mark comes up to the doorway) Mark: Alright man Jake's ready to roll. (Derek looks annoyed at Mark) I'm sorry did I interrupt something? Meredith: No it's fine. (Meredith and Derek both get up and leave through different doors) (CT room. Pamela is sitting in a wheelchair. Izzie is standing in front of her) Izzie: Pamela you should really try and relax. Pamela (nods): I am trying to relax. The episodes happen when I won't relax. (Izzie helps Pamela stand up) Do you really think you can fix this? Izzie: I uh hate to be insensitive but ah would it be the worst thing ever if we can't? I mean ... (she shrugs) Pamela: You know I like s*x as much as the next girl. Like in bed or even private. But when you can't go to the movies or drive a car or go to church with your parents. Izzie: Oh my god. Pamela: You know that dream where you show up at high school and you're naked? Izzie: Yeah. Pamela: Yeah well I would really, really like to wake up. (Izzie nods) (OR where Burke is operating on Chuck with Meredith assisting) Meredith: It's crossed the intra-thoracic fascia? Burke: I'm afraid so. I'm gonna have to go into the chest wall. Meredith: He made 17 hate tapes. Burke: I'm sorry? Meredith: Video-tapes of himself. Telling people how much he hated them. Spewing every hurt feeling he ever had. Burke: And he mailed them? Meredith: No he wanted me to but I don't think it's a good idea. He was scared. He was in shock. He wasn't thinking clearly. Burke: That's not for you to decide Dr. Grey. He asked you for something. You told him you would do it. If you don't, that doesn't make you noble. It makes you a liar. (Meredith glances at him) Did you know she kept her apartment? Meredith: Yeah I did. Sorry. (Derek is performing surgery on Jake. The camera pans up to the gallery where the are a lot of doctors watching including Richard and Bailey with her son) Bailey (to her son): Now, Dr. Shepherd is opening the skull cap. That's what he's doing. Yes he is. (Cristina is watching in the OR as is Alex. Mark is standing near the side ready to start the plastic surgery. All of sudden Jake's heart monitor starts beeping rapidly) Derek: Oh, son of a bitch. Alright I need another unit of blood! (Cut up to the gallery) Bailey: Oh no that's too much blood. Derek: Put in the pressure and fusia. Alex: No carotid. We've got V-FIB. (They all start scrambling and yelling different orders as Jake flat lines. Mark grabs the paddles to jolt Jake's heart into starting) (Up in the gallery Bailey shakes her head sad and leaves) (Back down in the O.R Cristina looks sad as the monitor stays flat-lined) (Empty O.R with Jake's dead body. Cristina and Alex are suturing him closed) Alex: Shame he never had his face fixed. (Cristina looks at Alex thoughtfully) (Cristina and Alex are entering an attending locker room. Mark is standing there looking extremely yummy shirtless) Alex: Dr. Sloan? Mark: Yeah? (Morgue with Jake's body on a table. Cristina and Alex are standing there scrubbed up. Mark comes in) Mark: Alright, I got the parents approval. (Cristina and Alex move to put their scrubs masks on) Mark: You don't ... (he shakes his head) really need those. Alex: Right. Mark: Scalpel. (Alex hands him the scalpel) (Chuck's room post-op. Burke is in there at his bedside. Meredith is standing at the end of the bed) Burke: Mr. Eaton, can you hear me? Chuck: Oh god. Ugh. Burke: Don't try to sit up. You're gonna be in pain for sometime. But I'm please to report that we removed the entire tumor. Chuck (smiles): I'm alive? Burke: Yes sir, you are alive. Chuck: My tapes ... (Meredith holds up a bag filled with envelopes) Meredith: Would you like me to throw them away? Chuck (contemplates): No. I'd like you to mail them. I've said my peace. Sometimes a man has to say his peace. (Meredith is at a nurses' station anxiously looking up a phone book. George cheerily comes up to her) George: Mer! Do you want...I want to take you ... out for a drink tonight. Maybe not Joe's, maybe some place where we can talk? (Meredith just rifles through the phone book not really listening) You know there's something I need...I want (he chuckles) to talk to you about. (Meredith is still looking through the book) It's important. (Meredith rips out a page from the phonebook) Meredith: I don't want to make video tapes on my deathbed George. (She walks away leaving George just standing there) (A house) (Meredith is standing outside and rings the doorbell looking sad. She rings the bell again after a bit. A 50 year old or so man walks up to the door. He peers through the glass in the door and looks stunned as he realizes who Meredith is. He opens up the door. Meredith is standing looking teary-eyed) Meredith: She had an affair. Thatcher: Ye...yes. Meredith: Why didn't you stay and fight for us? (Thatches steps outside and closes the door) Thatcher: I did. I tried. Meredith: Why didn't you try harder? You just left. Thatcher (looks unsure and hopeful): Meredith. (Meredith wipes a tear away) Is there anything you need? Anything at all? Meredith: No. ... I don't need anything from you. (She turns around and walks away) (SGH, hallway) (Derek is entering an empty elevator dressed to go home. Addison quickly stops the doors from closing and hops on the elevator as well) Addison: Hey. Derek: Hey. Addison: I haven't seen you all day. Derek: I didn't want to see you today. Addison (upset): It's not my fault he showed up Derek. Derek: I know. (The doors open on a new floor revealing Mark. Mark steps in and Derek and Addison step to the side. Mark hits a button) Mark: Don't beat yourself up. Derek: I'm taking the stairs. (Derek walks out just before the doors close and Mark holds them open) Mark: Oh come on. (Derek stops and turns around) How come you can forgive her but not me? Derek: I didn't forgive her and with you I have no obligation to try! (He walks away and the doors close. Addison leans back against the wall looking upset and tired) Mark (in a quiet voice): Your marriage is over Addison. All you have to do is admit it. (he walks up close to her) And you can come back home with me. (Addison stares at him) I'm going to the bar across the street. (He gently brushes his hand against Addison's face) Meet me there. (He gets off the lift leaving Addison looking very torn and upset) (Cristina and Alex are letting Jake's parents into the morgue to let them see Jake after the plastic surgery. Mrs. Burton strokes Jake's hair) Mrs. Burton: He looks ... peaceful. Mr. Burton: He does. (They leave the morgue and Cristina covers up Jake's body. She leaves and Alex follows, closing the door behind him) (Burke and Cristina's apartment, bedroom) (Cristina is sitting in bed eating Chinese take out and reading a magazine. Burke enters the apartment and walks into the room. He drops his bag to the floor and removes his jacket) Cristina: Um... (He holds up a hand to stop her talking and walks up in front of the bed and paces back and forth) Burke: I am Preston Burke! A widely renowned cardio-thoracic surgeon. I am a professional and more than that, I am a good and kind person. (he sits on the dresser behind him) I am a person that cleans up behind myself! I am a person that cooks well. And you, you are an unbelievable slob. A slovenly, angry intern. I am Preston Burke! And you, you are the most competitive, most guarded, most stubborn, most challenging person I have ever met! And I love you. (Cristina stares at him) What the hell is the matter with you that you won't just let me? (Brief silence) Cristina: I gave up my apartment 20 minutes ago. Burke: Well alright then. (he walks into the bathroom and closes the door) MVO: I've heard it's possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. (Pamela's room) (Pamela is in hospital bed and Izzie is prepping her for surgery) Pamela: Dr. Stevens, after the surgery will I still be able to...when I want to will I still be able to have (she glances at her sleeping Dad and lowers her voice) you know, episodes. (Izzie smiles) Izzie: Even better Pamela, you'll be able to have orgasms. (She walks to the window and sees Alex standing at the nurses' station) MVO: Without parents to defy we break the rules we make for ourselves. (Alex looks at her and grins. Izzie grins back) (Walkway outside SGH) (George is sitting on bench by himself looking very unhappy) MVO: We throw tantrums when things don't go our way. (Izzie walks up to George) Izzie: Hey. George (upset): She doesn't hear me. (Izzie sits down next to George) Izzie: What? George: She doesn't even hear me when I talk. Izzie: She will if you make her. (George looks at her) George: You fed the beast didn't you? Izzie (half smiles): Twice. (She shrugs. Alex is waiting for Izzie a few feet way. George rubs her arm and then pushes her away. Izzie giggles) Izzie: I'll see you later. George: Bye. (Izzie runs up to Alex and they walk off together) MVO: We whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark. (Nursing home) (Ellis is standing looking out the window at the rain outside. Richard comes up behind her and sighs) Richard: Meredith came to see me today. Ellis: Hmm. Poor baby. Poor thing. Her father left, you know? Richard: I think she knows about us Ellis. I think she's figured it out. Ellis (bemused): She's 5 years old, Richard. (She chuckles and walks to a seat) (Joe's bar) MVO: We look for comfort where we can find it. (Meredith is sitting at the bar looking contemplative. Mark walks in and sits next to her) Mark: This seat taken? Meredith: I guess not. (He sits down and speaks to Joe) Mark: Double Scotch. Single malt. (Joe nods and Mark looks at Meredith) Mark: You look sad. (Joe lays the drink down in front of Mark) Meredith: I just saw my father for the first time in 20 years. Mark: How'd that go? Meredith: Could've gone better. (There's a bit of a silence) What are you still doing here? Mark: I'm hoping Addison shows up. Meredith (surprised): You're still in love with her? Mark: You're still in love with him. Meredith: She won't show you know. Mark: No? Meredith: He's not the kind of guy you leave if you can help it. Mark (sighs): What if you're wrong? What if just this once ... life comes down on the side of the dirty mistresses? (Meredith half smiles) MVO: And we hope. Against all logic. Against all experience. (Derek's trailer) (Derek is lying down on the bed looking tired. Addison is sitting in another room at the kitchen table, looking upset and if she's just been crying) MVO: Like children, we never give up hope. (Meredith's house) (Meredith is standing in her bedroom, wrapped in a robe looking out the window at the rain. There is a knock on the door and Meredith sighs) Meredith: Come in. (George opens the door and enters and closes it behind him. George walks up to her and struggles to speak for a bit) George: I know I'm not a world renowned surgeon and I know I'm not a lot of things that you've gone for in the past. I know. ... But ... I would never leave you ... I would never hurt you ... and I will never stop loving you. (Meredith is silent and just stares at him. She then places her hands on his waist and he does the same to her. She lifts his shirt off him and they lean in to kiss)

Dr. Mark Sloan arrives in Seattle to try to convince Addison to continue their relationship, and is greeted with a punch from Derek when Mark introduces himself to Meredith. Dr. Webber allows Sloan to assist Derek in a risky surgery to fix a teenage patient with facial tumors. Burke learns that Cristina still leases her apartment. Izzie treats a patient with spontaneous orgasms. Meredith treats a man who believes he is going to die so he has her record him saying hateful things to everyone he knows. Later, Meredith goes to see her father for the first time in twenty years and is left unsatisfied with his answers about the past. George finally tells Meredith how he feels about her.

fd_Tyrant_01x01

fd_Tyrant_01x01_0

(birds chirping) (sighs) (line ringing) This is Fauzi Nidal. Leave a message and I'll call you back. (beep) Fauzi, it's, uh... it's me again. Barry. Um... Bassam. Uh, I'm not sure if you're getting my messages, but, um, I'm coming for my nephew's wedding. Uh, arriving tomorrow. My US cell number should work, so, uh... so call me. It would be good to see you. (panting) (indistinct shouting) Jamal, fix your button. How do you expect people to respect you if you can't dress yourself? (indistinct shouting) Jamal. Bassam. Come on, Jamal. Come out. Khaled! Khaled! Khaled! Khaled! Khaled! Khaled! Khaled! Khaled! Khaled! Khaled: Wave, Jamal. Not like a girl. Wave. Jamal, go stand over there. Mr. President. Khaled: My son will cut the ribbon. It is a great honor... to be standing here with you, the good people of Ma'an. (cheering and applause) This ground, once stained with the blood and tears of conflict, has been cleansed by the sweat of your good work. (cheering) This bridge is more than just steel and concrete. It is a symbol that despite our differences... (gunfire) Get down, Bassam! (muffled gunfire, shouting) (phone ringing) (panting) Barry: Hello, Mrs. Shapiro. Mrs. Shapiro: I'm sorry to call so early, Doctor, but Danny's been coughing all night. Barry: Uh, well, uh, Dr. Chang is covering my patients this week, so let me give you his service number... Mrs. Shapiro: I'm sure he's fine, but I really trust you. Barry: I'm glad you trust me, but he's an excellent doctor and I'm about to leave town, s... Mrs. Shapiro: I get that you're busy, but what if he has strep? Barry: No, I, uh, I understand, I do, uh... I'll be at my office in ten minutes. Mrs. Shapiro: Thank you, Dr. Al Fayeed. Barry: Okay. Bye. (sighs) I can't believe you're making us go to this wedding when they're burning pictures of Grandpa on the street. Emma, get off the Internet. Emma: And they burned down the bakery where the wedding cake was being made. (boy chuckles) And you think this is funny? What if they attack us? No one's attacking us. And if they do, we'll have armed escorts. Dad's father's like a king. Em, we're royalty over there. You know, you'll be like Kate Middleton. Just fat. Hey, don't talk to your sister like that. Come on. What part of what I said isn't true? Emma... Aw, it's cute. Seriously, can you just stop with the attitude and try to appreciate what an amazing opportunity this is? Yeah. Emma: It's not just me, you know. Dad doesn't want to go either. He told you that? Emma: He didn't have to. Isn't it obvious? Why do you think he hasn't been back in 20 years? He doesn't want to go, and I don't want to go either. So I'm not going. You're going. (kettle whistling) That was a long run. You missed all the fun. Barry: Medical emergency. Danny Shapiro's got strep. That's why I don't give out my cell number to patients. (chuckles) Barry: Sammy, clear your plate. Sammy: Got to finish packing. Honey, you do realize Emma's manifesting your negativity. Maybe on the plane ride, you can think of something nice to tell her about your family. Barry: They're not my family. You're my family. No, see, this is exactly what I'm talking about. Of course she's acting out. All she hears about is how you don't want to go. Barry (sighs): Just promise me we'll come back. What? Very funny. (chuckles) Sammy: I told you not to take the 405-- I mean, come on, who takes the 405? All right, let's go, let's move it. Come on! (sighs) Great. You happy now? We missed our flight. I'm sure there's another one. Emma: Or maybe it's a sign from Allah that we should go to Disney World like every other family. I'll call the airline. See if there's another flight. Mr. Al Fayeed? Barry: - Yes. Are you ready to board? The plane's still here? Of course. Barry: I'm sorry. Has everyone else boarded? You are the only passengers, sir. Your father bought all the other seats on the plane. Good morning. Sammy: - Good morning. Oh, wow. This is what I'm talking about. (woman laughs) I think I like this. A whole plane? Sammy: Oh, no. No, wait, wait. All right, this one. Oh, man. Look at this. Thank you, Grandpa. Barry: Okay, guys, get up, please. These aren't our seats. Sammy (sighs): Y-You're kidding, right? Barry: No, get up. We're gonna sit in the seats that we paid for. (chuckles) Isn't this a little crazy? Barry: This is what's crazy. I say no to his private jet, so he does this. And I'm-I'm not gonna be manipulated like that. No way. Honey, your father'll never know. Barry: Fine. Sit wherever you want. Emma: It's okay. I'll go sit with Dad. No. Stay here. I'm in the window seat. (seatbelt clicks) (moans) Oh. (chuckles) How long have I been out? Barry: Couple hours. Mmm. So no turning back, huh? If it makes a difference, I'm really happy we're doing this. Barry: Well, I'm happy when you're happy. See, I see a real opportunity here. To finally sit down with your father. Tell him everything you've been carrying around in your head all these years. (chuckles) Barry: Yeah, you don't know my father. I know you. I see you're awake. Yes. (chuckles) What do you have there? Dom P rignon Ros Oenoth que 1990. Your brother, Jamal, insisted we have it on board for you. To your brother, Jamal. Barry: To my brother. (grunting) (woman moaning) (grunting) (phone buzzing) (panting) (groans) Why you didn't get me? My wife just called. My brother's landing in ten minutes. Go inside... (faucet turns, water running) (sniffs) (indistinct chatter) (engine starts) seesaw swingin' with the boys in the school and your feet flyin' up in the air singin' "Hey, diddle-diddle" with your kitty in the middle on the swing like you didn't care... (horn blares) so I took a big chance at the high school dance with a missy who was ready to play wasn't me she was foolin' 'cause she... It's incredible. Salaam alaikum. Barry: Wa alaikum as-salaam. So good to see you, Bassam. So good you could all come. We've been looking forward to it. I trust the flight was satisfactory? Barry: There was, uh, plenty of legroom. Your father insisted. You are still an Al Fayeed. There are security considerations. dream on, dream on dream on, dream on, dream on oh... (engine shuts off) Little brother. Barry: Jamal. (growls) Jamal: You look pale. What's the matter? No sun in California? (laughs) When we went to Disney, there was plenty of sun. Molly. (chuckles): Hey, Jamal. Miss America. Molly: Jamal. Jamal: Beautiful as ever. Molly: Thank you. Jamal: Emma. Come to your uncle. (laughs) My little mermaid. Sammy. Sammy, my fishing buddy. (laughs) Sammy: Hey, Uncle Jamal. Jamal: So tall. I just bought a Mikelson Nomad. Have you heard of this boat? Sammy: No. Jamal: Fastest thing you've ever seen. After the wedding, we'll take her out and catch some tuna. Sammy: All right. Jamal: Come. Let's go to the palace. Molly: Look, Em, there's a Subway. And I read they just built a great mall downtown. It's really not that different from home. Sammy: Except there's no traffic. Emma: They're holding it, stupid. Because of us. Sweet. Check out Grandpa on the billboard. (Sammy chuckles) Khaled: You can't kill me! (high-pitched ringing) Here I am! I'm right here! You can't kill me! Sammy: Holy sh1t. You grew up here? Barry: Yeah. Sammy: I can't believe you'd ever leave. Jamal: I was already at the airport when you called. Mm-hmm. Hello, Bassam. Barry: Leila. Leila: Molly. Welcome. Molly: Congratulations on the wedding. You must be so proud. Leila: We are very proud, yes. And we're so happy you've come. All of you. Your father is waiting. Molly: We're fine. Go ahead. Leila: Who wants to jump in the pool? Sammy: I don't mind. I-I could do that. Khaled: Bassam. Barry: Father. You look well. Khaled: Been so long. Too long. Barry: Well, um... between, uh, between work and the kids' schedules, it's, um... Khaled: I'm sure. You're a busy man. Your father's been so excited to see you, he's barely slept. Khaled: I need a moment with Jamal. Then we'll take a walk. Just you and me. Jamal. We just heard from our sources in Ma'an. Terrorists are planning to attack the wedding. Jamal: I don't understand. I told Yussef to pay Walid to keep them quiet. Khaled: Did I ask you for excuses? Jamal: I'll have Ziad round up the troublemakers. Khaled: And tomorrow, 10,000 people will be protesting in the square. Don't be a fool, Jamal. Talk to Walid yourself. Make sure he understands there will be consequences if he can't control his own people. And bring your brother. Jamal: Why? Khaled: Because I told you to. I wish you'd reconsider. You're... You're here for such a short time. It seems silly for you to be staying in a hotel. Barry: Well, we, uh, we already made the... the reservations, so... Cancel them. Barry: Mother, please, you... You asked me to come here and I'm here. He's changed, Bassam. As hard as that may be for you to accept, it's true. Khaled: How does it feel, being, uh, home after all these years? Barry: Coming through the city, I barely recognized the place. Everything's changed. Khaled: Yes, it has. Saddam and Gaddafi are dead. Mubarak is on trial. Ben Ali, in exile. Barry: You're still here. Khaled: For now. Inshallah. After everything I've given the people, they're still not satisfied. They say they want freedom. Freedom. To do what? Kill each other? I give them order and prosperity, and all they want is chaos. Barry: Listen, um... Molly and the kids are still waiting for me. We need to check into the hotel. Khaled: Of course. You didn't come all this way to hear an old man complain. It's good to have you home again, Bassam. We've been living here for five years, and as far as we're concerned, it's paradise, right, baby? Mm-hmm. Beaches? Best in the world. Horses? They've got a racetrack that blows away Churchill Downs. We could make a day of it. Molly: Hey, how was it? Barry: Uh, it was good. John Tucker. I'm with the embassy. Nice to finally meet you. Barry: Finally? John: Your father talks about you all the time. I'm Dana. I'm with him. Barry: - Hi. Dana: - Hi. Barry: Uh, we should get to the hotel. Molly: Oh, sure. Okay. See you at the wedding, right? Barry: Hey, guys, time to go. Sammy, out of the pool, please. John: They're staying at a hotel? Sammy: I just got in! Leila: It's complicated. Molly: So how was it to see your father? Barry: I told you. It was good. Molly: It was good? Barry: Yeah, we, um... we went for a walk. Molly: And? Barry: He got old. I'm not sure what else you want me to say. Sammy, get out of the pool. Molly: Sammy, you heard your father. Let's go. Sammy: Oh. Well, this is... this is so much better than the palace. Look, a minibar. Emma: You know, I don't really want to go to this thing tonight. I'm kind of tired. Molly: Aw, come on, Emma. It'll be fun. We'll get our hands and feet painted. You always say you want a tattoo. Emma: Yeah, on my own terms, not as some creepy patriarchal tradition. Molly: Okay, it's a bachelorette party. There's nothing patriarchal about it. If you're gonna be unbearable, at least be accurate. Sammy: Does that mean our thing is the bachelor party? Barry: Yeah. Without the strippers and the booze. It's, uh... it's pretty much a bunch of guys in a steam room watching the groom get shaved. Tip the bellboy when he comes. Molly: I'll see you in the lobby at 6:00. Emma: Hating. Sammy: Bunch of guys in a steam room. Bummer. Emma: You better be careful. This isn't America. Sammy: Thanks, Mom. [SCENE_BREAK] (indistinct chatter) See? It's pretty. (speaking Arabic) She says it's your turn. Emma: Oh, that's okay. I'm good. Go ahead. It doesn't hurt. Leila: So tell me, how did you finally convince Bassam to come? Molly: I told him it's crazy, we've been married for 19 years and I've never seen where he's from. He doesn't like to talk about his childhood much. (sighs) I thought by coming here, maybe... Leila: Bassam has always been a very private person. (laughter) Jamal: Remember, Sammy, the whole time we were catching fish and your father was standing over the railing and... (mimics retching) (laughter) Like it? Good, huh? Bassam, come with me. Barry: Where are we going? Jamal: To talk to a tribal leader from Ma'an, which is still the asshole of the country. Yussef paid him to keep things quiet during the wedding, but it didn't work. And now I have to handle it. Barry: What do you mean it didn't work? Jamal: Walid's terrorist nephew, Ihab, he's been causing trouble ever since he came back from Syria. Now he's threatening to blow up the wedding. Blow up the wedding? Jamal, I brought my whole family here. Jamal: No worries, Bassam. I'll handle it. My friend, the minute I heard you wanted to see me, I dropped everything and came here. Jamal: You didn't come, Walid, my men brought you. Walid: And here I am. (chuckles) Jamal: My father is troubled by what he's been hearing about your terrorist nephew, Ihab. Walid: People are always spreading rumors about Ihab. Jamal: So he has no plans to blow up my son's wedding? Walid: N-Not that I've heard. Jamal: But you don't know for sure. Walid: Well, look, it's true that Ihab doesn't share my goodwill for your son's wedding... Jamal: - I pay you to control him. Walid: I can only do what I can do. I-I tried talking to him... Jamal: - Not hard enough. Walid: No! (grunts) (Walid shouting) (crying, shouting) Jamal! Please! Jamal: You think you can take our money? Well, you... Barry: Jamal. Jamal: I'll take your fingers one at a time. (muffled shouting) Barry: Jamal! Stop! Stop! Stop it! (screams) Jamal: Get off! Barry: Listen to me! You're giving him more reason to attack than he already has. Jamal: You don't understand, Bassam. You've been gone too long. This asshole and his nephew need to learn there are consequences. Barry: Okay, but not like this. Jamal: Then how? Tell me. I'm listening. (panting) (crying) Barry (panting): Talk to him. Jamal: Talk to him? You mean like Oprah. "How do you feel, Walid? You had a bad childhood? Oh, me, too. Let's hug it out." Barry: - No, that's not what I mean. Jamal: - Then what do you mean? Barry: Invite him to the wedding. Him and his nephew, Ihab. Invite his whole family and put one of them at every single table. He'll find a way to make sure no one attacks. Jamal: My brother Bassam would like you and your family to come to the wedding as his honored guests. (call to prayer in distance) (indistinct chatter) (praying) Fauzi (quietly): Bassam. What the hell are you doing here? Barry: She's beautiful. Looks just like her mom. Fauzi: Thank you. She's very intelligent. Barry (sighs): So how come you never called me back? Fauzi: Do you have any idea what's happening here, Bassam? Barry: I read what you write, if that's what you're asking. Fauzi: After the protests started last year, your father sent his tanks into Ma'an. Dozens of people were killed, hundreds wounded. All the international web sites and papers carried my articles, yet I never heard anything from you. Well, we never talk about politics. Fauzi: - 'Cause you don't want to. If there was ever a time to come back, it was then. Instead, you come back for a wedding. A wedding that's costing 10 million. (sighs) Your father claims that he's defending us from the infidels, the Brotherhood and the Zionists, while the people in Ma'an go hungry. Barry: Come on, you know how corrupt they are there. My father is not the only one to blame. Fauzi: Of course you're defending him. Barry: Fauzi, what do you want from me? I-I'm a pediatrician. Fauzi: - You're an Al Fayeed. They are your family. Barry: Yes. That's why I left. Fauzi: After I wrote about the protests, the mukhabar took me in the middle of the night and kept me in prison for three days. While you're living your American dream, I dream about this. I'm sorry if I interfered with your nostalgia, Bassam. You should finish your tea. I have a deadline. And you have a wedding. (fireworks popping, whistling) (fireworks whistling, people clapping) [SCENE_BREAK] Barry: It's a little over the top, don't you think? John: Are you kidding? Barry... people can see these fireworks from 20 miles away. The fireworks are the key to the whole thing. Forget those pricks from Amnesty. What your father's done here is a miracle. Not counting the Saudis, the mean per capita income's 18% higher here than any other country in the Arab League. Syria, Egypt-- firefights. Here-- fireworks. (fireworks popping) Me, I'll take fireworks. (whooping, cheering, whistling) Sammy: My name's Sammy, by the way. I know who you are. Abdul. Sammy: So, what's your connection? Abdul: My father runs security for your grandfather. My grandfather was the head of security for your great-grandfather. And my great-grandfather was the head of security for your great-great... Sammy: - I get it. I was just making sure we're not related. Jamal (exhales): Whoa-ho-ho! There he is! My man... Walid! It's good you are here. Walid: May Allah keep the bride and groom in prosperity, and confer his blessings upon them. Jamal: Do you know my uncle, General Tariq? Walid: Good to see you, as always, General. And you both know my wife, Nadia. And my nephew... Tariq: - Ihab. Did you enjoy the fireworks? Ihab: Of course. Who doesn't enjoy fireworks? (quietly): Boom, boom, boom. (lively percussive music playing) (lively percussive music continues) Jamal: Bassam! Come! John: Let's go. Barry: No, no, I'm-I'm good. Molly: Hey. You've come all this way after 20 years. Go on. [SCENE_BREAK] (men shouting rhythmically) Jamal: You were right. Barry: About what? Jamal: No attacks. Look at Walid and his terrorist nephew, standing like scarecrows. It's because of you. You did this. [SCENE_BREAK] (gunshots) [SCENE_BREAK] (lively chatter nearby) (gunshot) (woman gasps) (gunfire) (indistinct chatter) (gunshot) (gunshots) (grunting) Khaled: Wait! Wait! Wait! Take him. Take him. Jamal. Jamal... come out here. (gunfire) Come here. Come out here, Jamal. Come out here. Sometimes you have to make hard choices to be a good leader. These are the people who shelter these dogs, these traitors who tried to kill us. Give me this. Take this. Do it. Do it, Jamal. Please. I have a family. (gunshots) [SCENE_BREAK] Jamal: Your turn. Molly: Uh, excuse me. Where are you going? Barry: Uh, just, uh, just, uh, getting some air. Molly: You were just on the dance floor with your brother. What happened? Barry: It doesn't matter. Molly: Barry, please stop telling me it doesn't matter. (sighs) (lock slides) (sighs) (sniffs) Jamal: He's a good boy, my Ahmed. You love him? That's good. Good. A girl this beautiful, I'm sure you had many suitors. (laughs softly) The wedding night is very special. It's important to be pure. It would break Ahmed's heart if the woman he married wasn't pure. (faint grunts) (whispers): There. There it is. (quiet grunt) (softly): Good girl. (crying quietly) Good girl. (sobbing) Barry: I'm beginning to think he's insane. The thing is, I don't even... blame Jamal. I blame our father. The reason that Jamal is so broken is because... my father broke him. That's what he does. And... (sighs) I'm sorry, I... I don't want to dump all this on you. Molly: No. This is good. It's good that you did. Now, you need to tell your father. Barry: - Tell him what? Molly: - Everything. Barry: That's not gonna change anything. It's certainly not gonna change him. Molly: I'm not asking you to do it for him, I'm asking you to do it for you. For us. Barry: Us? Molly: Barry... you ran away from your father when you were 16, and you're still running. Since I've known you, you've been carrying around this weight that's just gotten heavier, and... it's left you... joyless. I don't know how else to say it. And if you think that hasn't affected your relationship with Emma and Sammy... with me... (footsteps approach) Yussef: Bassam. It's your father. He's collapsed. I am afraid the president has suffered a cerebrovascular injury. Jamal: What does that mean? Barry: It means a stroke. Yes. Jamal: He'll be fine. We are doing everything we can. Jamal: If he dies, you die. You are a doctor; you fix him. Your father asked to see you. Khaled: My son will cut the ribbon. I'm right here! You can't kill me! Bassam... Bassam... Barry: It's okay. Don't try to talk. Khaled: Listen to me. Without you, they'll kill us all. I was wrong. It should have been you. It should have been you, Bassam. Jamal: How is he? What did he say? Barry: He wants to talk to you. You and Mother. Molly: You okay? Barry? Barry: You should check on the kids. Molly: Okay. (sniffles) (exhales) Jamal: He's gone. He's gone. Leila: Jamal. Jamal, come... Where are you going? Look at me. Look at me. Now you are in charge. Okay? Now it's your time. You need to be a man. (sniffles, short laugh) Jamal: You're telling me to be a man? When was the last time you were a woman to me? Leila: Oh! Stop it. Jamal: You hate me. I know that. I love you. And you hate me. Leila: This is... Aah. Jamal. Barry: Jamal. Leila: Jamal! President Khaled Al Fayeed's condition is still unknown at this time. No official word from the presidential palace. The president collapsed at his grandson's wedding celebration five hours ago. Barry: He's dead. Molly: I'm so sorry. Barry: Come on. Let's go. Molly: Okay. Back to the hotel? Barry: - To the airport. Molly: - What...? Barry: - We're leaving. Molly: - What are you talking about? Barry: We're going home. Molly: Barry. We can't just leave. Barry: - Come on. Get up. Molly: Honey, we don't have our passports. Barry: That's fine. We'll stop at the hotel. Get up, Sammy. Now. Sammy: So, what, we're not even staying for Grandpa's funeral? Barry: Sammy, for once, you do what I tell you. Sammy: I want to see Uncle Jamal. Barry: No, I said we're going now. Emma: Sammy, listen to Dad. Sammy: I'm not leaving here until I see Uncle Jamal. Barry: Forget Uncle Jamal. Sammy: No. I'm staying here. Barry: Now. Molly: What is the matter with you? (engine revving) (phone buzzing) Jamal: Meet me downstairs. Barry: I need four seats on the next flight to Los Angeles. In coach, please. Any airline? Barry: Yeah. Passports. Come on. (snaps fingers) (tires screeching) Jamal: What are you looking at? You want to look at something? Look at this. Look at this. Come on. (muffled grunt) Yeah. Mmm. Yeah. (coughs) Good girl. (tires screech) That's good. (grunting) Oh, yeah. What is this? (grunting) Aah! (tires screech) (screaming) (glass shattering) (seagulls crying) And once we've reached an altitude of 10,000 feet, you'll be able to use all approved electronic devices. Molly: Okay, we're on the plane. We're going home. Are you ready to explain to me what that was about? Barry. Barry: - Not now. Molly: Oh, what do you mean, not now? You leave without saying good-bye to your family after your father dies. I'm... Barry: - They're not my family. Molly: You hit our son. Barry: Molly, not now. Molly: No. I'm sick of it. I never know what you're thinking. I never know how you feel because you never tell me. We've been married for 19 years. And you force me to be like some kind of a mind reader. Please, look at me. I feel like I don't know who you are anymore. I'm not sure I ever did. (gunshot) Please. Khaled: Do it. Please. Khaled: Shoot him. I have a family, please, no, please. Khaled: Do it, Jamal. Please, no. (trickling) Khaled: Jamal. Jamal! (distant gunshots) Come back here. Jamal. Get out right now. (distant booming) Get out. (man sobbing quietly) Right now-- get out of the car. Jamal, do as I say. No, please, please. Khaled: Get out of the car, Jamal. Out of the car! Get out, Jamal! No, no, no. (gunshot) Oh! (gunshot) (plane engine starting up) Khaled: It should have been you, Bassam. Molly: I mean it, Barry. I can't do this anymore. If you don't tell me what's going on, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know what we're gonna do. Hello, this is your captain speaking. Um, sorry for the delay, but the tower has asked us to sit tight for a few minutes. (tires screeching) (car doors close) Mr. Al Fayeed? Barry: I told you we shouldn't have come.

Bassam "Barry" Al Fayeed, who is married with two children and living in self-imposed exile in the United States, reluctantly returns to his home country to attend the wedding of his older brother's son. Back home he meets up with his father, the ruler and dictator of the country, and other family members. He soon experiences the brutality of the regime, especially that of his brother, who is the heir apparent.

fd_Bones_01x10

fd_Bones_01x10_0

"The Woman at the Airport" [SCENE_BREAK] [The scene opens on a skeleton displayed on top of a lab table in the room of body drawers. As Dr. Goodman begins to speak the camera pans away from the skeleton to reveal Dr. Goodman, Zack and Dr. Brennan.] Dr. Goodman: These remains, dating from the Iron Age, were found at the bottom of shaft three at the site. There were five sets of human remains found. This is the only one found whole. Zack: He's in good shape. Brennan: Fifteen hundred years old, he shouldn't look this good. Dr. Goodman: Which is why we're here. We're going to either authenticate the find as a set of human remains from the Iron Age ever found or dash the hopes of a thousand scholars. Let me know how it turns out. Brennan: Dr. Goodman, this is extremely prestigious. Aren't you going to be part of the team? Dr. Goodman: No, I have an institution to run. Zack: Didn't you use to be an Archeologist? Dr. Goodman: Yes, Mr. Addy. Thanks for reminding me. (Dr. Goodman leaves.) Brennan: (to Zack) x-rays, pictures, we're going to do this without touching the actual skeleton as much as possible. Zack: Kid gloves? Brennan: Latex should be all right. (Pauses) Zack, were you being metaphoric? Zack: I decided to give it a shot, which is also metaphoric. [Brennan walks into her office to find Booth sitting in her desk chair with a very cheerful smile gracing his face. Her face immediately shifts to annoyance as she walks toward him.] Brennan: (sighs) I need a receptionist. I can't just have anybody waltzing in here. Booth: Take a look at this. (Holds up sheets of papers) Brennan: (takes the papers from Booth) A bunch of red circles? Booth: Each circle shows were a body part was found. Brennan: What is this, an airport? Booth: Los Angeles International. Local pathologist says the remains are in pretty bad shape. Brennan: So he punted it to the FBI. Booth: Airports, they fall under Federal jurisdiction. Excellent use of the word punt. Brennan: I can't go to Los Angeles. I have an Iron Age warrior to authenticate. Booth: Iron Age warrior, when was the Iron Age? Brennan: Fifteen hundred years ago. Booth: Fresh body bits just a little more urgent. Bones: You do realize there are a lot more fresh bodies then there are perfect specimens from the Iron Age? Booth: You know, when you say things like that it's just to bug me, right? [Cut to Dr. Goodman's office. He is seated at his desk and across from him are Brennan and Booth are arguing.} Dr. Goodman: Do we have to go through this every time? Booth: Exactly. Brennan: Booth can't just walk in and say (smacks hands together) pack your bags we're going to LA. Booth: Oh, yeah, yeah, the whole Ice Age warrior thing. Dr. Goodman and Brennan: Iron Age. Brennan: And that's not the only thing. Dr. Goodman: Homeland Security has just asked Dr. Brennan to identify three bodies found dead in... Brennan: I'm not allowed to say. Dr. Goodman: The point is Agent Booth, Dr. Brennan is in great demand on several pressing cases and she's needed here at the museum. Why should I send her to California? Booth: Sexy case in Hollywood. How much more good press could the Jeffersonian get? (Dr. Goodman folds his hands on his desk and leans forward. His interest has peaked.) Brennan: But, Dr. Goodman, you said the Iron Age warrior was of the highest priority. Dr. Goodman: I can step in on that case. You pack your bags. [Cut to Arial shots of California. Cut to a sunny street lined with palm trees. Booth, wearing sunglasses and a content smile, is driving a black convertible mustang. Brennan is riding shotgun and she is bating Booth.] Brennan: This car doesn't feel very FBI-y. Booth: Bones this is a nineteen sixty-six Mustang. It's a classic and what goes better then that with the FBI? Brennan: How come on the rental agreement under model you made the guy write sedan? Booth: C'mon. We're in California. (Puts his arm around her shoulders.) Look palm trees. Brennan: You know I'd like to drive sometimes. Booth: Look, our contact out here is Special Agent Trisha Finn. Brennan: I'm an excellent driver. Booth: Okay, Rain Man. Brennan: I don't know what that means. Booth: I'm always gonna drive. You know that, right? Me behind the wheel; you over there on the grandma side. Brennan: I'm not above telling Deputy Director Cullen what kind of car you rented. [Cut to the exact same scene, but now Brennan is driving and Booth is pouting in the passenger seat. The scene fades away] [Cut to an exterior shot of the Jeffersonian. Cut to the lab where Dr. Goodman, Hodgins, and Zack stand around the Iron Age skeleton. Dr. Goodman is pacing next to the skeleton and studying it intently. Hodgins is looking at Dr. Goodman. He is annoyed and already frustrated. Zack is watching Dr. Goodman and is very confused as to what they are doing.] Hodgins: Do you want us to do something or just stand here and watch? Dr. Goodman: I'm getting a feel for the fellow. Zack: A feel? Hodgins: Look, there's no bugs on him, haven't been for over a thousand years. Dr. Goodman: There may be spores and pollens, correct? Hodgins: Probably not. Dr. Goodman: Dozen of species of pollens have been discovered from the crustaceous era. How long ago was that? Zack: (raises hand) sixty-five million years. That was a pretty good come back. Dr. Goodman: When authenticating a find like this we have to be at the top of our game. Hodgins: We all know that you're going to say I'm unable to authenticate with confidence. Zack: Why would he do that? Hodgins: When you declare something authentic you run the risk of being proven wrong. That doesn't happen if you equivocate. As head of the Jeffersonian, Dr. Goodman will place the reputation of the institution over everything else. Dr. Goodman: I'm an archeologist. My findings will be congruent with the facts. Hodgins: With all due respect, you used to be an archeologist. (Hodgins and Dr. Goodman glare at each other) Zack: (Looking back and forth between the two) I have no idea what's going on between you two right now. [Cut to a California desert airport. A plane is flying overhead and Brennan and Booth are standing near the crime scene with agent Trisha Finn, a young blonde agent.] Brennan: Agent Finn, why was the body removed from the crime scene? Finn: Call me Trisha, Dr. Brennan. The body was removed because parts were visible to arriving flights. (Hands Bones a map of the crime scene) Here's a map of the crime scene with a legend. Now there's a marked cone at the location of each body part and each photograph corresponds to a cone. That's how they did it in your book. Booth: She got that from me. Brennan: This is not a dismemberment. Booth: Okay, are you sure Bones? I mean this is Los Angeles. You know, they're showy. Finn: Is it possible that the body parts were ground up in a landing gear then dumped when the airplane landed? Brennan: The dispersal rate is wrong. It looks to me like the body was pulled apart by a pack of dogs. Finn: More likely Coyotes. Brennan: Coyotes at the airport? Finn: We got Coyotes everywhere. Brennan: (to Booth) Did you know that? Booth: No, I thought Coyotes were a cowboy thing. Brennan: I'd like to see the remains now. [Cut to a large, sterile, and empty lab. On a examining table are the remains. Brennan, Booth, and Agent Finn stand around it. Agent Finn looks slightly sick.] Brennan: I need all the dirt, silt, bits and pieces collected with the body parts sent back to the Jeffersonian immediately. Booth: You know what I like, when there's no flesh on the bones. Just a personal preference. Brennan: (picks up an arm and studies it.) There's not much left anyway. Finn: Eww. Dr. Brennan, as a screenplay writer myself I'd be happy to help you in anyway I can with regard to your movie. Brennan: Excuse me? Finn: Someone told me they're thinking of making your book into a movie. Booth: Say something Bones. Brennan: Well, all I know is I'm supposed to meet some big movie producer while I'm here, if I have time, which I probably won't. Does the pathologist need any further access to the remaining soft tissue? Finn: Uh, no. He got everything out of it he could. So my own screenplay is about this FBI agent who finds herself on the trail of a former boyfriend... (Bones tears what is left of the skin from the skull) Oh, uh, God. Booth: It's okay if you have to leave. (Finn walks away as quickly as she can. Her hand covers her mouth and she makes groaning noises) Brennan: (holds up the skull and studies it much closer then she studied the arm.) This is not good. Booth: Yeah thanks for that insight. Brennan: No, I mean the architecture of the skull has been radically altered. Booth: You mean by rotting and being eaten by coyotes and having the face ripped off by you? Brennan: No, by surgery...lots of surgery. I'm not sure I'll be able to tell who this was. [Roll Intro.] [A large screen is now placed in the center of the lab in California. The screen shows a lab at the Jeffersonian and Zack Addy can be seen on screen. Brennan is speaking to Zack and studying the remains.] Brennan: Are you getting the feed Zack? Zack: (pops into view on the computer screen) Yes, Dr. Brennan. I'm looking at the x-rays you beamed me. Brennan: I'm going to have the bones cleaned, but there are still vestiges of flesh. Zack: Hodgins got the clothing remnants and silt this morning. Brennan: Are you there, Ange? (Angela pulls Zack out of the way and sits down.) Angela: Is it sunny sweetie? Tell me it's sunny. Brennan: It's sunny. I sent you the entire skull. Angela: You want a reconstruction? Brennan: If you can. Angela: If I can? Have I ever failed you? Brennan: This one's different. You'll see what I mean when you get it. Zack? Zack: (Appears on screen.) Here, Dr. Brennan. Brennan: I make this a young woman. Zack: Early twenties from the look at the x-rays. Brennan: Cause of death? Zack: I see evidence of stabbing. One hit to the sternum, two to the pistoli cartilages. Brennan: Estimated time of death? (Angela pushes her chair closer to the computer so she is visible next to Zack on screen.) Zack: Degradation of the remains suggests the body was left out in the open between a week and ten days and the marks on the bones suggest carnivorous feeding beyond insects, birds, and rodents. Brennan: Coyotes. Zack: They have coyotes? Brennan: Yes. Zack: That explains the dispersal of remains. A pack of coyotes finds the body, pulls it apart, and spreads out to eat in solitude. Brennan: The teeth are veneered. Zack: The jaw has been broken and reset, same with the right leg. Have you seen any movie stars yet? Brennan: No, why? Zack: Apparently, it's a contest when you go to LA in which the winner is the person who sees the most celebrities. (Zack exits the screen and Angela takes his place in the center of the screen.) Angela: You have a whole skull, right? Brennan: Yes. Angela: So why is this going to be so difficult? Brennan: You'll see. Ange On the Iron Age project, Goodman does this thing; Hodgins isn't going to like it. Angela: What thing? Brennan: He theorizes in a way. It sounds like he's making stuff up. It's hard to explain but it's going to irritate Hodgins. Angela: Honey, you're in California. Forget the Iron Age. Say these words, 'Sky Bar'. Go there tonight; tell me everything. (Zack swings the camera to him and puts his face up to it.) Zack: Dr. Brennan, one of these x-rays shows two dark clumps near the pelvis. Brennan: Behind what's left of the spleen. (Booth enters.) Booth: I got a list of missing persons, women in their early twenties. (He sees Bones rip something out of the body) Oh boy do I really have to be here for this part? Zack: Do you think she swallowed that? Booth: Could be because she was a drug mule. Brennan: (holds what looks like a round gel pack in her hand) It's an implant, breast implant. Booth: Those come with serial numbers. Brennan: We should be able to identify our victim in a couple of hours. [In the main lab at the Jeffersonian Hodgins, Goodman and Zack are once again standing over the Iron Age skeleton. Mr. Goodman is describing the way he was buried as all three study the skeleton. Hodgins rolls his eyes at Goodman.] Dr. Goodman: Unlike other burials of the time in which the remains were found in a semi fetal position, this fellow was found on his back, arms at his sides, with a piece of decorated antler on his chest. Hodgins: Do you actually need me here? Dr. Goodman: The antler honors him as a hunter although his weapons tell us he was a warrior. Zack: He was in his mid-thirties when he died. He was 1.88 meters tall. Hodgins: You know there's all the detritus from Brennan's Hollywood crime to sift through, Dr. Goodman: Six foot one, a big man for his time, feared by his foes, respected by his neighbors. Hodgins: Encourage that much conjecture in Archeology, huh? Dr. Goodman: His bones bear the marks of battle. His weapons are of good quality, well used. He's old for a warrior yet how did he die Mr. Addy? Zack: Looks like Tuberculosis. Dr. Goodman: A proud man. This is not the ending he would of wanted yet he was surrounded by family and friends, a good death. (Hodgins rolls his eyes) Hodgins: Oh please, now you're describing a scene from Lord of the Rings. Zack: I liked that movie. Dr. Goodman: He was buried with respect, weapons, jewelry. His family did not stint or pilfer. Have you found any spores or fungi, Dr. Hodgins? Hodgins: Yes, they correspond both with the time he lived and the geography in which he was found. Dr. Goodman: Hmmm Hodgins: What? Dr. Goodman: I'd like details. Hodgins: You mean like a written report? Dr. Goodman: Yes, our findings will have to bare scholarly scrutiny from our peers. (Hodgins shoots Dr. Goodman one more frustrated look before walking away.) Dr. Goodman: (to Zack) What's his problem? [Shots of beautiful women on a rooftop pool in California. Brennan and Booth are standing against the rail at the far end of the roof. They are discussing the case, but Booth keeps coming back to how lavish a hotel Brennan gets to stay in.] Booth: My hotel doesn't even have a pool. Brennan: Well, you're welcome to use mine. Finn: [Walking over to Booth and Brennan] Well, the breast implant lead went nowhere. Brennan: What about the serial numbers? Finn: Uh, the implants were reported stolen six months ago. Our victim must have gotten them off the black market. Brennan: There's a black market in breast implants? Finn: Yeah, we have the name of the doctor from whom the implants were stolen. Brennan: Who uses a black market breast implant? Booth: Back alley plastic surgeons use them. They're not even real doctors. Finn: Are you going to write the screenplay? Brennan: What screenplay? Finn: The one based on your book. Brennan: Well I guess maybe the producer I'm meeting will tell me. Booth: Okay guys; let's turn our attention back to the murder victim. I'd like to go pay a visit to Dr. Boobs. Finn: Why? If implants were stolen from him, he won't know anything. Booth: Because it's the only lead that we've got Finn and leads are great for screen plays or even, say, if you're actually working a real case. (Finn gives him a pissy look and Booth whistles.) [Angela is in her office, at her desk, working on a skull reconstruction. Zack enters holding something behind his back.] Zack: I have something for you. Angela: Is it chocolate? Zack: No. Angela: Then I find my interest has flagged. (Zack pulls a clean skull from behind his back) Angela: Nice. (She takes it from him.) Who is it? Zack: It's the Hollywood murder victim. Angela: Oh my God. I see what Brennan means. This woman has had a lot of surgery. Zack: What's with Goodman and Hodgins? Angela: Oh, they're guys. They should just lay them out on the table and measure. Zack: Lay what out on the table and measure? Angela: Okay, awkward moment. Let's just say they have different approaches and they're guys, okay? Zack: I'm a guy. Angela: You're more highly evolved. (Placing tissue markers on the skull) This girl didn't just change her face; she changed her skull. This is going to make Brennan nuts. Zack: You know one thing. Angela: What's that? Zack: She's going to be beautiful. Why would anyone go through all this pain and not end up beautiful? Angela: Do the names Michael Jackson or Joan Rivers mean anything to you? Zack: One of them. The other I'll look up. [Cut to a plastic surgeon's large waiting room. Booth and Finn are sitting in a couple of chairs reading magazines while Brennan paces. She is ranting about plastic surgery.] Brennan: Every culture nurtures ideals of beauty toward which people strive. Fine, but in the future people will look back upon the surgical alterations... (Booth lowers his magazine and catches the eye of a patient sitting near them. She glares, annoyed and Booth looks up at Brennan) Brennan: (sits) of the nose or breasts or buttocks with the same horror that we regard binding of the feet or the use of bronze coils to extend the neck. Booth: Do you want to speak up because it's really hard to hear every word in this very very quiet waiting room? Brennan: It's barbaric. It's painful. (Looks at the woman waiting.) It's wrong. This murder victim may never be identified because some glorified barber with a medical degree had the arrogance to think that he could do better then the millennium of evolution. (Booth hides his face in the magazine.) Finn: Do you know what producer you're meeting with, Dr. Brennan? Brennan: No, my publisher didn't give me a name. I don't know what a producer does specifically. Finn: Nobody does, but it's really important. Secretary: Dr. Kostov will see you now. Booth: (gets up) You can remain here Agent Finn. Finn: (disgruntled) Yes sir. [The plastic surgeon's office. Booth sets the breast implant from the dead girl down on the doctor's desk. Brennan and the doctor are seated at the desk and Booth joins them.] Booth: Do you recognize this Dr. Kostov? Kostov: That would be your high profile double lumen full 'C' saline. Booth: Yeah it's from a shipment of implants you reported stolen six months ago. Kostov: I have a hard time believing you're returning one implant to me. Brennan: I found it in the remains of a murdered girl. Booth: Have many more of those stolen implants been recovered? Kostov: Yeah. Approximately three weeks ago there was a uh, faulty one had to be removed by a surgeon out in the valley. Booth: From whom? Kostov: A Heidi Brennan: I don't know what that means. Booth: LA speak for call girl. Kostov: LAPD was investigating. They can tell you what agency the girl was working for. (Looks at Brennan.) You have the most beautiful bone structure. Brennan: I can't take credit. It's genetic. Kostov: How old are you? Brennan: Why do you want to know? Kostov: Well it's never too early to watch problem areas (gets up and walks over to her) the jaw, little pouches beneath the eyes. Do you mind? Booth: You touch her; she'll break your arm. She thinks what you do is... Brennan: Barbaric. (Glares at him.) Booth: (laughs) No, don't look at me. I like my face the way it is. [Cut to Brennan sitting in a red plastic covered bed back in her hotel's pool area. She is lying on her stomach with her laptop open and she is talking to Angela who is her lab working on the reconstruction. The scene switches between the two places.] Angela: Sweetie, I'm having a hard time with this skull. Brennan: Did you try filling in the surgical scoring. Angela: I can't be definitive. All the usual indicators have been modified. I reconstructed three facial variations. She had her cheekbone shaved, her chin changed, her jaw reconstructed. (Sends images of the girl to Brennan's computer) That's just what she did to her bones. We don't have a clue what she did to the soft tissue. Her nose, her brows, her cheeks. Brennan: Just start with her basic architecture. We'll go from there. Angela: The basic architecture is what I can't find. Brennan: You're going to have to make a best estimate. Angela: Did you just tell me to guess? (Angela is looking at Brennan's image on a large screen in the lab. Brennan is lying down.) Brennan: No, I said make a best estimate based on your experience and expertise. Angela: Okay, well dress it up however you want, but it's still a guess. Look my experience and my expertise don't extend to this. A facial reconstruction might not be helpful in this case. Brennan: Angela, I told you it would be hard just...do what you can. Angela: Okay Bren, you're being a little edgy and tart with me and all I'm trying to do is tell you the truth. Brennan: What this young woman did to herself, it's as if she completely removed her own identity. Who hates herself so much that she not only changes her looks but her core architecture? If we don't know who she is, then how will we be able to catch the person who murdered her? Angela: Is that your way of apologizing? Brennan: Yes, Angela. Angela: I accept. I love your guts, Sweetie. [Cut to the LA FBI office. Brennan and Booth are sitting across a small table from a classy looking businesswoman. She turns out to be a madame. Agent Finn is pacing. They are discussing the remains and the stolen breast implant.] Brennan: According to LAPD, a black market breast implant from the same shipment showed up in another girl from Aphrodite Escorts. Finn: Are you missing anyone? Booth: We're not looking into your business, Miss Bardu. We're just trying to solve a murder. Bardu: I haven't heard from Rachel in two weeks. Finn: Is that unusual? Booth: I prefer to ask the questions my own way, Agent Finn. Thanks. Bardu: Rachel booked out at a one-week rate. She knows to check in with me if the client wants to extend the contract. It's time to worry. Brennan: (Hands Bardu pictures the pictures Angela had sent her) Do any of these women resemble Rachel? Bardu: If I had to pick one, this is the closest, (points to one of the pictures) but not really. Booth: Hmmm, does Rachel have a last name? Bardu: Rachel wasn't even her real first name. Finn: Ah, she goes by Rachel Ashaunce. Bardu: Rachel went to Vegas with a long time customer. Booth: I need his name...(Bardu looks like she's not going to answer.) Miss. Bardu it's always the same story, beautiful young woman...somebody wants to meet her, somebody can't have her, somebody dies. Bardu: Dr. Anton Kostov, an assembly line nip tucker in town. If that's all? Booth: Do you have a card Miss. Bardu? Bardu: (Hands Booth a card) We provide a law enforcement discount. Booth: (takes card) Ah. Brennan: Miss. Bardu, do you have any idea of what Rachel looked like before her plastic surgery? Bardu: Which time? [Cut to Angela's lab and the 3D image processor. Angela, Goodman, Hodgins, and Zack are standing around the processor. A 3D image of a man's face is hovering above them. Angela has her electronic notepad in her hands and is explaining the image.] Angela: The skull is in extremely good shape. Zack: Cranial measurements are congruent with age and s*x as Celts and Pre-Aryans. Dr. Goodman: Which matches the location of the find. Angela: I used Zack's new tissue depth for the markers. However, every skull requires its own unique demands. Dr. Goodman: Are you certain of your calculations Miss. Montenegro? Angela: A lot more certain then I am on Brennan's Hollywood hooker case. Dr. Goodman: This is a Pict. Picti actually mean painted ones in Latin. The Romans feared them. Very little is written about them or by them. Fierce warriors falsely reported to be small in stature. Hodgins: He's a Pict, so what? Dr. Goodman: The Pict's are from the far far north of the British Isles, far above Adrian's wall. The remains were found in an archeological site in southern England, near Wales. Hodgins: A Pict can't go for a walk? Dr. Goodman: These remains represent an archeological anomaly. This is unique in that no Pict has ever been found this far south before. Zack: If we could remove the clothing and take a closer look at the bones. Hodgins: It's a face. Maybe Angela got it wrong. Angela: Hey! Hodgins: Zack screwed up the measurements. Zack: Hey! Hodgins: This whole Pict business sounds like one of your stories. Dr. Goodman: (sighs) Enough. (He leaves the room) Angela: (to Hodgins) Are you trying to get fired? Hodgins: Science is no country for storytellers baby. [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut back to the California lab. Brennan and Booth are looking at on-screen visuals of the skull. They are bouncing ideas off of each other.] Booth: Kostov knew Rachel as a patient and she knew him as a client. Brennan: Kostov wasn't the victims' only plastic surgeon. These are ten times magnifications of the victims jawbone surgery. Kostov doesn't do work this sophisticated. Booth: Meaning she had more then one plastic surgeon. (Zack appears on the computer screen to the left.) Zack: Zack Addy. I live to serve. Brennan: Zack this facial surgery...the edges of the bone are almost scalped as if the blade simultaneously cut and applied torsion. Zack: You need to know if this procedure is recognized and sanctioned by the American Medical Association. Booth: You think Kostov is performing illegal surgical procedures? Brennan: It won't help us discover the identity of our victim (Hodgins pushes Zack out of the way on the screen behind her. Zack shouts 'hey!' in the background.) but it might help us catch her killer. Booth: That's the point Bones. Brennan: What? Booth: To catch the murderer. Hodgins: I'm sending you a catalog of all the stuff they sent me. Soil samples, pollen, particulates, etcetera that were on the body parts. Nothing too surprising except for E glass fibers. Brennan: Well she didn't pick that up in a field. Hodgins: No, it's marine fiberglass. The victim was on a boat shortly before she died. Also, look at this... (A blown up fingernail pops up on the right screen.) a fingernail probably her own. I sent it to the FBI crime lab so they can run DNA tests. That's Zirconium by the way not a diamond. So I'm guessing she wasn't your top-drawer high-class prostitute. Zack: All the osteological perjovations are consistent with recent elective surgeries except the compound fractures in the right tibia and fibula which indicate traumatic compression and... (Booth picks up a cell phone and taps it on the table.) Brennan: The victim had her leg crushed probably in a car accident around age thirteen. Excuse me! That's my cell phone. Zack: I analyzed the molars. Oxygen and stranti mysotopes in enamel indicate early childhood in New England while the dentin suggests six to ten years in southern California. Booth: (in phone) Hey, Miss. Bardu. Hi. Special Agent Booth. I've reconsidered your offer. I was wondering if I could have one of your ladies visit me today? Brennan: (to Booth) You're ordering a prostitute from my cell phone? Booth: I was wondering if Rachel ever took part in any of those two on one specials. Hodgins: Hey the old two on one special, classic. Zack: What's a classic? Booth: That's great. Just send me whoever she worked with the most. Brennan: You're ordering a hooker to my hotel? Zack: Did I hear you say hooker? Hodgins: How come I never get to go on these out of town trips? Booth: (to Bones) 'Cause you have much looser daily allowances then I do. Brennan: Well have fun. I have to get up early tomorrow. Booth: Why? Brennan: I'm meeting a producer. [Cut to the rooftop pool again. More beautiful people are covering the area. Booth is lounging next to a beautiful girl. She smiles seductively at him and the they talk. She is the prostitute that used to work with Rachel.] Leslie: Oh, you're one of those guys. Booth: What guys? Leslie: One of those guys who say they just want to talk. Booth: I do just want to talk. I'm an FBI agent. Leslie: Okay, I get the drill. What am I playing? Booth: (removes his sunglasses and smiles at her.) No really. (Shows her his badge.) Leslie, I really am an FBI agent. I just want to ask you some questions that's all. Leslie: About what? Booth: About your friend Rachel. Look I'm sorry but I think...I think she's been murdered. Leslie: This can't be happening. Oh God, Rachel was so nice. She was really an actress. You know, the way I'm really a singer. We all say we're something different then what we are. None of us want to be what we are. Booth: Did you know Rachel's real name? Leslie: Candace, Candace Hayden but I doubt that was her real name. She said she was from Stockton but I told her I was from Quarterlane and I was lying. Booth: Do you know why anyone would want Candace dead? Leslie: We see things we shouldn't all the time. We know things about powerful people they don't want us to know. Booth: Did Candace have anyone in her life? Leslie: Nick for awhile. I forget his last name but he played some kind of terrorist on 24. He got killed in like four seconds. Booth: Did Nick know that Candace was a call girl? Leslie: No, not at first. When he found out he got really mad. He smashed out all the windows of her car. (A security guard walks over to them with a disapproving look on his face.) Security: I'm sorry Miss but you're going to have to leave. Booth: Listen buddy, I don't know what your problem is but this is my little sister, okay. I'm visiting from Quarterlane. I asked her here for a drink, which is taking a hell of a long time by the way. Security: I'm sorry sir but we have strict rules... Booth: You might want to have a little respect. (Shows him his badge) Check on those drinks for us okay pal. Security: Yes sir. Booth: Thank You. Leslie: (to Booth) Thank you. So we're just going to sit here and have a drink? That's all? Booth: That's all Leslie. Have a drink, enjoy the view, pretend we belong. Later catch a murderer. [Cut to interior of the LA FBI Headquarters. Agent Finn tracks Booth down and forces him to speak to her.] Finn: Agent Booth, can I have a moment please? (He stops walking and turns toward her.) Um, have I done something to offend you? Booth: Look I'm really not into this whole west coast in touch with your feelings thing so... Finn: Yeah, um I'm really good at my job and I've been nothing but cooperative and helpful to you but you just freeze me out. Booth: Mmmmm. Hmmm. Finn: And I know you have nothing against working with women because you're partners with Dr. Brennan so your problem must be with me. Booth: Look I don't have anything against you Agent Finn. I just don't like the way you view the FBI. Finn: What do you mean? Booth: This is a proud and noble job but you're using it to get to something else. My advice, write your script, get an agent, hell have a little plastic surgery but quit using my Federal Bureau of Investigation as a stepping stool into something that you think is better because in my book there is nothing better. [Cut to a Fox studios where Dr. Brennan and Penny Marshall are being interviewed about the possibility of Dr. Brennan's book, Bred in the Bone, being turned into a movie. Brennan looks a little baffled by the whole thing.] Interviewer: I'm here with Penny Marshall one of the most prolific hyphenates in Hollywood. Actress, producer, and director of such hits as A League of Their Own and Big. Her latest project is bred in the Bone. It's a thriller based on the best selling novel by crime fighting anthropologist, Dr. Temperance Brennan. Okay, so how did this all come together? Brennan: I have no idea. Penny: Well my brother Gary gave me the book and I liked it and then this whole bidding war started and I usually don't get into that kind of thing but in this case... Interviewer: A bidding war? That's got to be a thrill for a first time author. Brennan: I wasn't actually there. Interviewer: You must be a big fan of Penny's films so, which one is your favorite? Brennan: I enjoyed her humorous treatment of the time space paradox. (They both look at her confused before the Interviewer gets it.) Interviewer: Big! Penny: (smiles to Bones) That's very funny. Time Space Paradox. Interviewer: Penny who is going to write the script? Brennan: Don't I get to do that? Penny: We'll talk. (A cell phone rings and both Penny and Brennan check theirs. It turns out to be Brennan's) Brennan: Cut, stop, whatever you say. (In phone) Brennan, well I want to come with you. (To Penny and Interviewer) I have to go because we have a suspect and I have to go. (She rushes off.) Penny: Would you look at that...passion? [Cut to the Santa Monica pier. It's crowded and there is a volleyball game going on. Brennan, Booth, and Finn are watching the game and discussing their suspect, who happens to be playing in the game.] Booth: There's a pretty good chance one of these leaping losers is our killer. Brennan: You always think it's the boyfriend. Booth: Well he loved her, he found out she was a prostitute. I'd say anyone who plays this stupid game is capable of murder. Brennan: Well then you got this case sewed up. (Pushes his arm) Why don't you just go and arrest them all? Booth: (to players) Excuse me guys, ladies? Ladies, Gentlemen excuse me? (They just ignore him.) Please? (Bones jumps into the middle of the game and catches the ball. She punts it down the beach and the players stare in confusion and annoyance.) Booth: (holding up his badge) Okay everyone who isn't Nick Harberson go get the ball. Brennan: Go fetch. (Everyone leaves, but Nick, who is left standing in the center of the court looking very confused.) [Cut to a bench on the beach. Nick is sitting on the bench looking upset. Booth and Brennan stand over him. They are discussing Rachel.] Nick: God she was so sweet. Actually thought about getting back together with her even though... Brennan: You broke out all the windows in her car. Nick: Well what would you do if you found out your girlfriend was a prostitute? Booth: When did you last see Rachel? Nick: Sandra. Her name is Sandra Cane at least as far as I knew. Booth: When did you last see Sandra? Nick: About a month ago. I was tending bar at a function at the Colonnade. Booth: Did you speak to her? Nick: No, no I was working. So was she...I didn't kill her. Brennan: How could you not know what she was doing for money? Did you even know her at all? Nick: She said she was modeling. The thing about Sandra is that as pretty as she was she was just never pretty enough. She would be all black and blue and then she would heal and she would look beautiful. I mean really really beautiful and we'd be sure something was going to break for her and of course it wouldn't and then she would be back in front of that mirror. And no matter what I said...Look, look I never knew her. I never understood her. I'm probably the last guy you should be asking about her. Booth: (to Brennan) He's an actor of course he's convincing. Brennan: I don't know. He doesn't seem to work very much. He's playing volleyball in the middle of the day. (Nick looks up at her annoyed) Just an observation. [Cut to the Jeffersonian. Goodman, Hodgins, Angela, and Zack are standing in a hallway discussing the Iron Age Skeleton. Goodman looks dour and Hodgins looks as if he knows exactly what is coming.] Dr. Goodman: I have an announcement. Hodgins: You're unable to positively authenticate the skeleton. Dr. Goodman: That is correct. Hodgins: Told you. Dr. Goodman: Given the inconsistencies between the specimens' geographic location and physio argumentum artifacts I cannot in good faith authenticate the find. Angela: Is this because of how I made him look? 'Cause there's a certain amount of subjectivity involved in recreating a face. Dr. Goodman: Certain amount, yes but the fact is he displays Pictish features. For all we know this skull doesn't belong to this body. Zack: Even though on x-rays it looks at though the head is properly attached to the spinal cord. We could actually go in and look, confirm the authenticity. Dr. Goodman: I declined to continue the investigation at this time. We will store the remains in the interim. Hodgins: (yells) I knew this was going to happen! (Dr. Goodman looks angry and walks up to him. They are nose to nose.) Angela: Hodgins. Dr. Goodman: Because we have been colleagues on this more then superior and subordinate, I have allowed you to be insubordinate but I warn you Dr. Hodgins that is over. Hodgins: Do you want my letter of resignation? Zack: You know what would be better put them on the table and measure, Alright? (There is an awkwardly hushed moment where no one is sure what to say.) Angela: Okay look, everybody just turn and walk away. Hodgins: If you want me to resign, just say so. Dr. Goodman: Miss Montenegro is right. (Dr. Goodman walks away.) Angela: (to Hodgins) You think you just won something. I'm telling you Goodman was the bigger man. [Exterior, Sunny street in California. Brennan and Booth are walking down the street with Dr. Kostov. He is in a rush, but they are keeping pace and asking questions.] Brennan: Isn't it against your ethical code to have sexual relations with a patient or do you guys even have an ethical code? Kostov: s*x with patients is frowned upon. Booth: That's why he said the implants were stolen. There is no way to prove that he was the one who installed them. Kostov: I did not know Rachel was dead when you last visited. I did not kill Rachel. I made her beautiful. Brennan: You mean you took what was unique and particular about her and destroyed it. Kostov: You have a serious neurosis on this subject. Booth: Do you have a boat? Kostov: I do four boob jobs a day, twenty grand a pop. Of course I have a boat. That's all you get without a lawyer. Booth: So what do you do huh? Pay him in hair plugs? [Cut to a lab in the Jeffersonian where Zack and Hodgins are working on Rachel's bones. Zack is staring a screen showing the indentations of the wounds. He is frustrated by his inability to find the murder weapon. Hodgins is at the far end of the lab working.] Hodgins: So what are you doing? Still working on the murder weapon? Zack: Maybe it's not a knife; maybe it's some kind of sharpened screwdriver. Why are you being so mean to Dr. Goodman? Hodgins: I'm not being mean. I'm being critical of his process. Zack: Why are you being so critical of his process? Hodgins: Goodman should be looking at the facts. Is the skeleton authentic or not? That's all. Instead it's all a mish mash of conjecture. What I think is that he's forgotten how to do the science and he doesn't want to admit that. Why a screwdriver? Zack: Because it's more torsion in the cut then a flat bladed knife could bear without snapping. It twists without breaking. The killer would have to be incredibly strong and even then the blade would snap. Hodgins: That's what Brennan said about the jaw surgery thing. Zack: What? Hodgins: I...I don't know I do bugs and silt but she said the words torsion and twist and cut. (Zack looks at the wound and then at the jaw surgery.) Zack: This is the type of situation where people say oh my God. Hodgins: pretend you're a person and say it. Zack: Oh my God. [Back to yet another sunny street in California lined with Palm trees. Booth is once again driving the Mustang with Brennan riding shotgun. They are discussing the case.] Booth: Scenario number one, prostitute gets breast augmentation from plastic surgeon in return for s*x. She threatens to tell on him. Brennan: Plausible. Booth: Scenario number two, jealous boyfriend...well yada yada ...you know the rest. Which do you like? Brennan: Neither. Booth: Because there's no real evidence. Brennan: Unless you count a volleyball. Sounds like you're getting ready to quit. Booth: Quit? No. It's just the Deputy Director wants me to hand the case over to the LA field office. We're supposed to give Agent Finn what we've got and go home. Brennan: What? Forget it. You don't even like Agent Finn. You think she's an idiot. Booth: Bones, the whole case is a bust. It's a blank. I mean we don't have anything. We checked her apartment, nothing. There are no pictures, nothing. We don't know what she looked like. We don't know her name. Brennan: It's like she lived on the world instead of in it. Cullen is calling you back because he thinks I'm at a dead end. You have to tell him he's wrong. (Booth pulls the car over and parks. He looks at Bones.) Booth: Is he wrong? Brennan: We know we're looking for someone who grew up in New England and moved here about eight years ago. Her leg was crushed in a car accident when she was thirteen. She was on a boat shortly before she was murdered. We know some of her names and some of her faces. Booth: That's all your stuff, okay. Usually by now we know more about my stuff. Brennan: We have separate stuff? Booth: Yeah by now I usually have a feel for the person. What they wanted. How they felt. What was going on in their lives? With this girl, nothing. Brennan: She thought she was ugly. She did everything she could to make herself beautiful and all she did was make herself more invisible. Booth: Everybody in this city thinks they're ugly, huh, and nobody is. I'm starting to get why you hate anonymous death so much. Brennan: We were born unique. Our experiences mold and change us. We become someone. All of us and to have that taken away by murder, to be erased from existence against our will, it's just... Booth: Evil? Brennan: Unacceptable. These bones you bring me, I give them a face. I say their names out loud. I return them to their loved ones and you arrest the bad guy. I like that. Booth: So do I. Brennan: I feel like we should be arresting these doctors because whether they killed her or not they...they still erased her. Booth: Well, maybe I could hold off calling for a day. Brennan: It's not good enough. (Booth starts the car again.) Booth: You're welcome. (He pulls away from the curb and drives away. Brennan's cell phone rings and she pulls it out to answer it.) Brennan: (in phone) Brennan. Zack: (on other end.) The murder weapon is a larger version of the surgical implement used on the victim's jaw. Brennan: You compared the bones to the marks left on her jaw? That's brilliant Zack. Zack: It was Hodgins. Well Hodgins quoting you so it was us. Go team. But get this according to the National Plastic Surgery Association, there's only one surgeon who does this procedure. Brennan: Tell me he's in LA. Zack: He's in LA. (She hangs up the phone.) Brennan: (to Booth) Dr. Henry Atlas, Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills. Go. (Booth hits the gas.) [Cut to: Dr. Atlas's office. He is seated at his desk and Brennan is across from him. Booth stands over him as they question him.] Atlas: I'm ethically bound to ask you for a warrant before revealing the identity of any of my patients. Booth: Let me try this then. The uh, jaw procedure which Dr. Brennan described to you is... (Booth notices a picture of a sailboat on the wall.) Atlas: My innovations, yes. There is an adage in my business, you can't alter the bone. I've proven it incorrect even to my patients. Brennan: How many have you done? Atlas: Perhaps half a dozen and if you get a warrant I will release the names of my patients otherwise... Brennan: Do you use special operating instruments? Atlas: Yes, I designed them myself specifically for the procedure. Brennan: Have you patented them or shared the design with anyone? Atlas: Not yet. Booth: Nah, He's waiting until he has enough success stories to cash in. Brennan: Well he's going to be sure of one success story. Booth: That's right. We got here Sandra Cane, Rachel Ashaunce. Candace Hayden. Do these ring a bell? Atlas: As I have indicated. Booth: A search warrant here. (Hands him the warrant.) to collect your surgical instruments. Atlas: You'll...you will shut me down. You will cost me a fortune. Brennan: The only ones we require Dr. Atlas are the ones you designed yourself. Atlas: She told me her name was Susan Sheppard. (Atlas pulls a case out of a draw and opens it on his desk. Inside are the tools he made.) Brennan: (looks at them) Brilliant. [Cut to Goodman's office. It seems late, there is a light on in the corner and he is working intently. Hodgins pokes his head through the door hesitantly.] Hodgins: You wanted to see me? (Dr. Goodman gestures for him to sit down and he does. Dr. Goodman then stands up.) Dr. Goodman: You are a very difficult and stubborn man, Dr. Hodgins. Right now I would like nothing more then to fire you. In my position very few people tell me the truth anymore. I find I enjoy it in some perverse way. Hodgins: Are you willing to admit you bailed on the authentication? Dr. Goodman: Yes. Hodgins: Seriously? Dr. Goodman: But not for the reasons you think. True, we might be able to authenticate the skeleton by taking it apart, destroying it. If he's a fake, that would be fine. Nothing lost but I think he's the real thing. Hodgins: You do know he has been dead for fifteen hundred years, right? Dr. Goodman: I am an archeologist. This is what we do. We step outside the facts and tell ourselves the story of an individual or a culture and if the story I tell myself about this man who lived fifteen hundred years ago is true. If he was laid to rest by people who respected and loved him, don't I owe it to them not to let the pure scientist desecrate his remains? Hodgins: Or you could be totally rational and say you were waiting for imaging technology to improve to the point where it wasn't necessary to disassemble him. Dr. Goodman: Ah, yes. I suppose I could say that. It's less... Hodgins: Sentimental for the pure scientists. (They shake hands.) [Cut to a montage of Brennan in the California lab. She is testing medical instruments as possible murder weapons by stabbing them in clay and comparing the marks to the marks on Rachel's bones. Eventually she finds it.] Brennan: (in phone) I've got the murder weapon. [Cut to an open room at LA FBI headquarters. A long table is placed in the center of it. Booth and Bones are sitting at the table across from Dr. Atlas and his lawyer.] Brennan: We have the murder weapon. We have trace evidence from your boat. Booth: We have testimony from your staff that you argued with a woman you knew as Susan Sheppard shortly before she died. Lawyer: So what you need now is a confession. Booth: You're patient list is what is known as a uh, A-list right? Oscar winners, supermodels, super-agents, moguls...so how is it that a call girl makes the grade? Lawyer: You can answer that Henry. Atlas: I did Susan's procedure pro bono. Brennan: Why? Atlas: Because she volunteered. Brennan: She was a guinea pig. Booth: How did you meet her? (Atlas doesn't answer) Booth: Aw, come on. I mean Susan didn't just walk into your office, did she? Lawyer: Oh, just tell them Henry. Atlas: Through another call girl. One I used regularly. Sometimes these girls from the high-class establishments start to have expectations beyond the professional. Booth: What? She thought you were going to marry her? Atlas: Something along those lines, yes. So I made a change, I started requesting Susan. Brennan: Did you trade plastic surgery for sexual favors? Lawyer: Obfuscate Henry. Atlas: We did each other favors, went fine for a few months. Booth: Until Susan wanted you to marry her too. Atlas: No, in my opinion, Susan was becoming addicted to plastic surgery. I refused to do any more procedures. That's what my staff saw us arguing about. Booth: What was Susan like? Atlas: She was the girl next-door, simple, healthy. The girl before Susan was the opposite, very flashy. She had diamonds in her incisors...diamonds in her fingernails. Booth: Bones, didn't Hodgins find a fingernail? Brennan: Yes with a fake diamond in it. Booth: Susan was the girl next-door type. Brennan: It wasn't her fingernail. Booth: Jealously, like I said. (To Atlas) So what was the name of the escort before Susan? (Atlas says nothing.) The flashy one? The one that thought you were going to marry her? Lawyer: Tell the man what he needs to know Henry. [Exterior night scene. Back at the rooftop pool at Brennan's hotel. Brennan is watching from afar as Booth sits and waits for Leslie. Leslie arrives and they grasp hands before sitting. Booth holds Leslie's hand and leans in to whisper in her ear. She smiles as he leans back. He turns her hand over and looks at her fingernails. Very gently Booth pulls one of the nails off. It is a fake and underneath is ravaged skin as if the nail had been pulled off. Leslie loses her smile and Booth gestures to FBI agents waiting in the wings. Finn and another Agent handcuff Leslie. Before they take her away she leans in and whispers something to Booth. He smiles sadly and nods his head in the affirmative. Cut to: Bones with her hand on a railing near the edge of the roof. Booth walks up to her.] Booth: She thought Atlas was going to take her out of that life. Brennan: He wanted the girl next door. You were right, jealousy. Booth: Well it's an old story. Bet your fifteen hundred year old friend back home heard a version. Leslie thought Rachel was stealing her man so she killed her. Brennan: What did she ask you? Booth: What? Brennan: She asked you something after she was arrested. What was it? Booth: She asked me (pauses) if I thought she was beautiful. I got one more thing. (He pulls some papers out of his back pocket.) I had the Bureau search for adolescent girls that were injured in car crashes in the upper northeast ten to twelve years ago. (Booth hands Bones the paper and it's a newspaper. There is an article titled "Local Woman Killed In Car Crash, Daughter Survives."] Booth: Daughter's right leg was crushed. Brennan: (reads the article) Allison. Her name was Allison Holmes. Booth: Her father and her brother are still alive somewhere in Bangor, Maine. We will return the remains. Brennan: Thanks Booth. Booth: Well, Bones, you do your thing. I do mine. Brennan: (looks at a picture of her in the paper) Look at her. Booth: Yeah, pretty little thing. [Cut to all the beautiful people having a good time on the roof and then pan out away from the hotel until it is far away.]

Dr. Temperance Brennan and FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth travel to Los Angeles to determine the identity of a woman whose body parts were found near Los Angeles International Airport. With Booth at the wheel of their convertible rental car, they are assisted on the L.A. end of the case by young FBI Agent Tricia Finn, who is a little too eager to help. Agent Finn knows Brennan's books inside and out and mentions reading in an entertainment industry trade paper that the film rights to Brennan's latest book were bought by producer/director Penny Marshall. When Brennan and Marshall meet face to face on the set of "Entertainment Tonight," both Marshall and ET's Jann Carl are impressed and a little taken aback by Brennan's dedication to her latest case. Brennan's skills are put to the test when she realizes the victim's identity is hidden by previous extensive plastic surgery.

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VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars Veronica and Leo make out on the doorstep of the Mars' apartment in 118 "Weapons of Mass Destruction." Cut to Veronica at the sheriff's department in 119 "Hot Dogs." VERONICA: I can't date you anymore. LEO: Huh. Cut to Veronica and Keith watching the television in 212 "Rashard and Wallace Go to White Castle." NEWSCASTER: Balboa County Sheriff Don Lamb questions baseball legend Terrence Cook in connection with the Neptune High bus crash. Terrence questions Keith as he exits Mars Investigations in 213 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough." TERRENCE: You'll take my case? Keith updates Woody in 217 "Plan B." KEITH: Terrence broke into his ex-girlfriend's family home, the journalism teacher who died in the bus crash. Logan interrupts them. LOGAN: There's something you gentlemen should probably see. Cut to the video sent to Woody's office. WOODY: [offscreen] That's inside my house. KEITH: I'll look into this as well. Cut to a peeved Mac at Mars Investigations in 219 "Nevermind the Buttocks." MAC: I'm not speaking to you. Butters asked if he should rent a room for prom night. Keith and Liam crash through the window of Kendall's secret house. Keith climbs into the LeBaron. Veronica shouts at Kendall, standing in front of the car. VERONICA: Move or you're a hood ornament! End previouslies INT - DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY. Veronica is just putting her shirt back on. VERONICA: [stunned] I've got what? DOCTOR: Chlamydia. It's a, uh, sexually-- VERONICA: I-I know what it is. But there must be a mistake. I don't have any symptoms, I don't feel anything... DOCTOR: Which is not uncommon. Have you been sexually active at all within the last year or two? VERONICA: We were, you know, safe and the guy...there's no way he-- DOCTOR: You think that but you never know. Antibiotics will take care of it. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So my Grandma Reynolds was always saying... A school bell sounds and we shift to... INT - NEPTUNE HIGH SCHOOL (NHS), HALLWAY - DAY. Frowning, Veronica exits a classroom and walks through a busy hallway. VERONICA VOICEOVER: ...when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I wish she was still alive because I'd really like to ask what she suggests for when life gives you chlamydia. She sees Wallace and Jackie cuddling and giggling against her locker. She pushes them aside. VERONICA: Please? Get a room. In Australia. WALLACE: Hey, we're practicing for the prom. VERONICA: What debutante bit you and turned you into a prom zombie? Jackie waves at Veronica. She giggles. JACKIE: We just gave in: the whole nine yards, the ridiculous dress, the tux, lobster dinner, limo. I mean it happens once. Why not go all out? Mac approaches from behind Veronica. MAC: Because no one sold you as an indentured servant to Butters. Wallace laughs. VERONICA: Mac, I didn't think he'd actually-- MAC: He's picking me up in a Hummer limousine. We're having dinner on a replica pirate ship and I suspect he's hired a zeppelin for the ride home. I'm gonna fill my pockets with rocks, get a good grip on your ankle and I'm gonna jump off the top of a mountain. Mac is interrupted by an announcement from Clemmons. CLEMMONS: Attention students. Due to a significant number of alcohol violations on the senior trip, this year's prom has been cancelled. WALLACE: What!? The hallway erupts in the sound of students grumbling and protesting. CLEMMONS: That is all. Mac, on the other hand, is ecstatic and raises a fist. MAC: Yes! Prayer works! Veronica grins. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith's cell rings. KEITH: Hello? Woody! To what do I owe-- Keith listens and sighs. KEITH: What, right now? He shakes his head. KEITH: What room number? EXT - CAMELOT MOTEL - DAY. Keith's car pulls into the motel's car park. There's a knock on a door. INT - CAMELOT MOTEL - DAY. Inside one of the rooms, a girl dressed in bra and panties lies unconscious on the well-used bed. Woody is standing next to the bed in his trousers and wifebeater. WOODY: I swear it's not what it looks like. Keith closes the door to the room. He walks over to the bed and kneels down by the girl, checking her pulse. WOODY: Okay, it is what it looks like. KEITH: And that is? WOODY: Do-do I have to spell it out? She's with the incorporation campaign. Keith rises from the bed and stares at the stuttering Woody. WOODY: We had a few cocktails. She must have mixed with pills or something because she just... Woody sinks down on the bed. He grabs his shirt and looks up at the disapproving Keith. WOODY: This is not a proud moment for me. I need help to take care of this. KEITH: I'm on retainer to help Terrence Cook, not take care of things. Keith heads for the door. WOODY: "Mayor brings mistress to ER! Booze, pills, underwear. Film at eleven." Please Keith. Keith pauses by the door, shaking his head. KEITH: I'll get her to the hospital. And I'll be discreet. WOODY: Okay. KEITH: But don't get the wrong idea. This is not the sort of thing I do. WOODY: [whispers] Okay. Thank you. EXT - CAMELOT MOTEL - DAY. Woody is at the door to room 102, looking around to see if the coast is clear. He looks back into the room, nods his head, mouths "Okay," and opens the door to the room more widely. Keith exits the room, carrying the girl whom they've managed to dress. Woody grabs his stuff from the room. Cut to Woody looking into Keith's car. The girl is slumped on the front passenger seat. WOODY: I owe you big time, Keith. Keith doesn't respond, his distaste clear as he engages the engine and backs the car away. INT - NHS, JOURNALISM CLASS - DAY. Veronica is alone in the room, checking negatives with a jewellers' glass style magnifier. Gia enters, treading daintily on high heels. She grabs the chair next to Veronica and sits. GIA: Hey. Have you ever been stalked? VERONICA: As a matter of fact. Veronica returns to examining the negatives. GIA: Because someone's stalking me. I was hoping you might have some tips or something. VERONICA: Dancing around in your underwear with the curtains open is always good. Gia, totally oblivious to the sarcasm stares at Veronica, increasingly puzzled. She shakes her head and looks around desperately. VERONICA: And it you're in chat rooms, and they suggest meeting face to face, do it in an abandoned railroad car down by the river side. GIA: No! No, no, I mean for catching the guy. I keep seeing this car following me around. Veronica sighs and stands up, still holding the negatives. VERONICA: Can you describe it? Veronica walks around the table. Gia races after her. GIA: It's totally nondescript. I mean that's what's so unique about it. VERONICA: Um, okay. Any reason anyone would want to follow you around? Veronica picks up a clip board, making notes as Gia explains. GIA: Well, last week, at karaoke, I did "Can't Get You Out of My Head" and I dedicated it to this table of cute guys, but then I realised they weren't cute. They were dweb Pan High guys and not the nice nerd kind but the weird, creepy... Veronica heads back to her original seat with the clip board, still doing two things at once. VERONICA: Potential stalker kind? Veronica continues to complete the sheet on the clip board as Gia runs back to her seat and sits down. GIA: [urgently] Is there any way that you could do some P.I. thing? Veronica pauses her work and looks at Gia. VERONICA: For you? The daughter of the most powerful man in town? That's a marker I want. Come to my house after school. Gia nods as Veronica returns to her work. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Keith enters the office. He goes first to a box on Veronica's desk and opens it. It contains copies of a sketch of a man's face. Keith takes out a few to look more closely. Something alerts him and he swings his head towards his own office. He can see a crossed pair of high-heel shod, bare legs. Keith puts the sketches back in the box. KEITH: Something I can help you with? KENDALL: You should really keep your office locked. The woman rises to her feet. It's Kendall. She lean against Keith's door, hand on her hip. KENDALL: I want my hard drive back. Keith shrugs and makes a face, as if he has no idea what she's talking about. KENDALL: Come on. My friend saw you take it from my apartment. KEITH: Your friend Liam, the drug dealer, who tried to shoot me. KENDALL: There was an intruder in my house. He feared for his life. KEITH: Out of curiosity, did your husband know that you kept your own place? Did he know about your jail time or that you're not even really you. KENDALL: If the hard drive reappears by Friday, I won't press charges. I filled out the form. She hands Keith an open pre-prepared posting box. KENDALL: Me sending it to me, no paper trail. Kendall walks towards the main door to exit just as Veronica comes in. VERONICA: Mrs C! I trust you're well. KENDALL: Oh well, if it isn't little Miss Teen Getaway. Your dad and I were just dealing with a little trouble. VERONICA: Like Trouble, with a capital T that rhymes with C that stands for-- KEITH: [warning] Veronica! VERONICA: I was gonna say cute. KEITH: Miss Casablancas was just leaving. After exchanging looks of mutual loathing, Kendall leaves and Veronica heads for the filing cabinets. KEITH: So what did the doctor say? VERONICA: Well, you got your money's worth. KEITH: What does that mean? VERONICA: It means...the stethoscope was freezing. But I'm fine. Tip top. Veronica takes cameras out of one of the drawers. VERONICA: Can I borrow the remote cameras tonight? KEITH: What for? VERONICA: For...a school project? KEITH: [sing-song] I don't believe you. VERONICA: Okay. This girl I know suspects that one of several creepy weirdoes she sang a Kylie Minogue song to at karaoke night might be following her around. We're trying to narrow down which one it is. KEITH: I like your first answer better. You can earn it. Keith collects the box of sketches from Veronica's desk. KEITH: Send a copy to everyone on our business contact sheet. See if anyone can find him. He hands her the box. VERONICA: And who is this charming fellow. KEITH: The charming fellow who hired the escort to steal Cliff's briefcase. Veronica checks out the sketch which is of the face of a large man with short-cropped hair and a soul patch. Veronica studies it. VERONICA: And his heart. Poor Cliff. KEITH: Yeah. She must have been something. 'Cause he won't shut up about it. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Gia is idly checking out the shelves in Veronica's room as Veronica works at her desk on the laptop. VERONICA: Cameras are on the roof so if this guy followed you here, we should be able to spot him. GIA: Wow! How Mission: Impossible. I feel like at any moment Tom Cruise is gonna dangle from the ceiling on cables. Gia giggles. Veronica looks up at the ceiling. VERONICA: Great. Now I won't be able to sleep. I hope he doesn't try to marry me. She uses a joy stick to manipulate the two cameras, scanning the street outside the apartment complex. Gia watches over her shoulder. They watch a car park. GIA: There! That's the car. Veronica switches from split screen of the two cameras to the view from the one camera that has the car GIA: Isn't it totally nondescript? VERONICA: That's a 2002 silver Gallant. Gia looks at Veronica, astonished. GIA: We should order him a pizza. He would totally freak. VERONICA: Why stop at pizza, Gia. Bet you a hot oil rubdown would really show him. Gia scoffs. Veronica uses the joy stick to zoom in on the car's California license plate: IOU875. She starts to type. GIA: And you can just look him up, right there on your computer? That's awesome. VERONICA: Actually, I'm updating my Netflix queue. The appearance that Gia was finally starting to get Veronica's sense of humour proves illusory as Gia gives Veronica a confused double-take. VERONICA: No, wait. I think we got him. On screen, the following appears: "Registered to Name: D'Amato, Leonardo SSN: 993-24-1585 DOB: 06/14/1983 s*x: M." GIA: Leonardo D'Amato? God, what kind of loser is that? VERONICA: Greek-Italian. Gia retains the capacity to be amazed by Veronica's knowledge. VERONICA: I used to go out with him. Opening credits. INT - NHS, HALLWAY - DAY. Veronica rushes to catch up with Logan striding down the hall. She keeps step with him. VERONICA: Hey, how's it goin'? LOGAN: Oh, this is gonna be good. VERONICA: What? LOGAN: Ah, you have that "I'd rather be making out with a broken bottle" look. Which if history serves, means you're about to say something awkward. VERONICA: This? Veronica points to her face. VERONICA: This is my "I'd rather be spelunking" look. It's like you don't know me at all. LOGAN: Right. So let's have it. Logan reaches his locker and starts to open it. VERONICA: So...you remember Duncan. LOGAN: Right, blue eyes? VERONICA: Right. LOGAN: Yes. VERONICA: You wouldn't happen to know if he was with...and by with I mean with, uhhh, someone other than Meg? Logan pauses getting his books and leans against the open locker, looking down at her. LOGAN: Well, there was this one girl. She was uh, blonde, petite. He closes his eyes and takes a deep sniff. LOGAN: Smelled of marshmallows and promises. VERONICA: Promises? LOGAN: Yep. VERONICA: That's the name of my perfume! Logan grins. LOGAN: You know, generally speaking, I've kinda grown immune to your left field questions. But I'm gonna bite on this one. What do you care who Duncan did when Duncan did do dudettes? VERONICA: Would you believe, it's for a college application. Weird, huh? LOGAN: You and Meg, that's all I know about. Veronica nods. LOGAN: Duncan didn't talk about his s*x life much though. Veronica looks both relieved and disappointed. LOGAN: But he'd blush and shower a lot. That's how you'd know he was getting some. VERONICA: Well, I'm going to miss these moments. LOGAN: You going somewhere? VERONICA: Oh! You see this? She indicates the hallway. LOGAN: Mm-hm. VERONICA: Uh, this is high school. We're here for four years and then we move on. And all these people you see every day vanish from your life and you never have to think about them again. Logan gets a book out of his locker. LOGAN: So, we should savour our remaining moments. You should come to alterna-prom. VERONICA: I don't know what that is. Logan whips outs folded card and holds it up. Veronica takes it. On the front is the word PROM with red circle around it and a red line diagonally across the circle. Inside it reads: Alterna-Prom, Friday, May 13th, 9:00pm. Neptune Grand Penthouse. Formal Attire. No Rules. VERONICA: Wow, you and your drunk 09er buddies get the prom cancelled, and then use your inherited wealth to throw a private prom. LOGAN: When you say it like that it sounds unjust. VERONICA: How does it sound when you say it? LOGAN: Mm, glamorous. Veronica is sceptical. Logan is deliberately casual. LOGAN: So...are you coming? Veronica points to her frowning face. LOGAN: What... you'd rather be spelunking? VERONICA: No! I'd rather be... She waits to give him the chance to read her. VERONICA: Strapped down on an ant hill! LOGAN: Yeah. VERONICA: Man, you've really lost it. I was going to console Jackie and Wallace that night. You got their prom cancelled, remember? LOGAN: Well bring them along. Bring whoever. You know, we with our inherited wealth don't mind... long as you bathe and keep your hands off the silver. VERONICA: I'll consider it. LOGAN: [whispers] Good. Logan watches her walk away. INT - JAVA THE HUT. Veronica is having a coffee with Leo. They are sitting on a couple of stools up at the counter. LEO: Where does any disgraced former lawman go? Private security, baby. VERONICA: Ooh, it sounds exotic. LEO: Ah, it's boring. Big firm, tons of BS. VERONICA: Same old Leo. LEO: I gotta admit I was surprised to hear from you, Veronica. I figured after the whole eased out of the department episode, I kinda fell off your radar. VERONICA: You kidding? My radar is vast. LEO: So how's your love life? VERONICA: Terrible. How's yours? LEO: Also terrible. Veronica looks over his shoulder at the sound of approaching footsteps. VERONICA: So is that maybe why you've been stalking Miss Goodman here? Gia appears and stands behind Veronica. GIA: Hi. It's Gia. LEO: Same old Veronica. Huh. It's not stalking, it's personal security. Miss Goodman is a job. GIA: I'm a job? LEO: Your dad hired the firm. A couple of us were assigned to keep an eye on you. Wanna go say hi to Earl? I'm sure he's parked outside. VERONICA: Why does he want Gia watched? LEO: I just punch the clock. My bosses don't share that kind of stuff with me. I assume there's been some sort of threat, but I-I don't know. Is that why you wanted to see me? VERONICA: That was pretty much it, yeah. LEO: Well, I'm a little disappointed. It's good seeing you again, Veronica. Miss Goodman. Leo eases himself off the stool and leaves. Gia moves around Veronica to take his place on the stool. GIA: You went out with him? He's cute, in a tough, mumbly kind of way. Why would my dad hire security? I wonder if it has anything to do with that thing with your dad. VERONICA: What thing? Gia pulls out a newspaper. It's the Neptune Register. The headline reads: "Supervisor questioned over private investigator's role. Former sheriff caught taking campaign staffer from Southside motel." There are a couple of pictures of Keith and Woody from the Camelot. GIA: I don't know why they're making such a big deal of it. I mean, a girl drinks too much, that's not your dad's fault. He's just doing what he was hired to. Veronica is a little shocked at the newspaper and stares at Gia. INT - WOODY'S OFFICE - NIGHT. Keith, very unhappy, marches through a number of people, straight into Woody's office. Woody's on the phone. WOODY: Just make sure those vans are at the seniors center at nine sharp. Yeah. He sees Keith who holds up a copy of the same newpaper headline. Woody holds up his hand. WOODY: Thanks. I gotta run. Bye. Woody finishes his call. His secretary hovers at the door. SECRETARY: Woody? Woody waves her off. KEITH: You blame me for this? WOODY: Keith, please, let me explain. I-- Woody stands as Keith reads aloud from the newspaper. KEITH: "When reached for comment, Goodman's office said Mars had been engaged to investigate leaks, but Mr. Goodman had interceded when he learned the investigator had plied the staffer with alcohol." Woody tries to put a placating hand on Woody's shoulder. Keith is having none of it and jerks away. WOODY: Look, you're right! You're right! Keith holds up the paper again. KEITH: I help you, and this is what I get? Woody looks anxiously through the window of his office into the outer office where there are a number of workers congregated. He rushes to the office door to close it. WOODY: How could I know the manager had a camera? I'm sorry I had to do this, but there's just so much riding on this incorporation vote. Keith wags his finger at Woody. KEITH: I think you may be confused about something, Woody. I'm voting against incorporation. Keith stares at Woody for a moment and then moves to leave. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Veronica opens the door to the apartment. Gia enters. GIA: So, I dropped by my dad's office and asked him about the security thing. He said it was nothing, just normal election precautions, and he agreed to pull the security detail once I told him that it was creeping me out. VERONICA: Okay. So that's good, right? GIA: But then I got home and I found this. Gia holds up a disk. Veronica takes it. Cut to moments later. The disk is a video and it is being played on Veronica's laptop. It is of a boys' soccer game. Rodney Goodman is playing number seven. Veronica and Gia are huddled in front of the laptop on the counter, watching. GIA: That's my brother. VERONICA: I know. I met him, remember? The taker of the video moves from following Rodney on the pitch to film Gia, watching Rodney from the sidelines. GIA: What do you think it is? VERONICA: Something very creepy. The camera is closes up on Gia's body and face. INT - NHS, JOURNALISM CLASS - DAY. Gia is at work on a computer at the large central table. Veronica slides into the seat next to her. Gia is struggling. GIA: Is a lunchlady who does body building human interest? VERONICA: Human? Maybe. Interest? No. Veronica puts the disk into the computer. GIA: I can't believe I'm expected to meet newspaper deadline when I have some creepy dude stalking me. Veronica starts it up again and then pauses when the film shows a woman with a video camera. Veronica points to the screen. VERONICA: Do you know who that is? The woman with the camera? GIA: That's Mrs. Harmon. You don't think she has anything to do with-- VERONICA: No, look where she's shooting. Whoever made this, she probably got him on that video. Do you think you can get that tape? INT - MI - DAY. Lloyd Blankenship is in Keith's office. KEITH: Look, off the record, Lloyd. It's not that I never worked for Woody, but I never investigated any leaks and I never used a bottle of scotch to question a campaign staffer. LLOYD: Then you might want to put that out there on the record. Woody's pushing this whole thing on you, Keith. We have him on a conference call, all off the record, of course, and he more or less implied he caught you taking advantage of this girl... Lloyd checks his notebook. LLOYD: Jennifer Stansfield. KEITH: You don't believe me, talk to the staffer Stansfield. LLOYD: You know, funny thing about her. After you dropped her off at the hospital, she took off before being treated and now no one can track her down. Keith is surprised at this. EXT - NHS, LUNCH AREA - DAY. Wallace and Jackie sit side by side at one of the larger tables. Jackie's eating her lunch. WALLACE: Batting cages. There's one up north. We could get some flowers, play a little music, take out some Chinese... JACKIE: The prom is cancelled and you want to take me to a batting cage instead? WALLACE: Yeah. It's for that "so casual, it's super romantic" thing. JACKIE: That's not a thing! That's male wishful thinking. But I want to wear my dress, think fancy. Wallace sighs. WALLACE: Can we do it anyway? Maybe this afternoon. JACKIE: No, I'm going to see my dad in the hospital. WALLACE: How's that going? JACKIE: Strange. But great. It's never been worse for him, but between us? Best it's ever been. For the first time ever, it's like one of my parents actually has time for me. Veronica approaches from behind and climbs onto the table's bench, the other side of Jackie. VERONICA: Okay. I have news. The senior memories once thought lost forever can, in fact, be generated after all, albeit in a slightly degraded form. Veronica pulls out the invitation to the alterna-prom. As she does so, Corny, just taking a seat at the table behind them, notices and takes an interest. VERONICA: The rich kids are throwing a private replacement prom. Wallace takes the invitation and reads it. WALLACE: Damn, they're just privatizing everything these days. Jackie takes it from him. JACKIE: Alterna-prom. Hm. Formal attire. WALLACE: That's what I'm talkin' about. VERONICA: Please don't give us the tux speech again. WALLACE: What? You mean, how when I put on a tux, I make James Bond look like Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel? JACKIE: Shh. Veronica and Jackie shake their heads. Jackie feed Wallace a bite from her lunch. Mac sets her tray down on the table next to Veronica, but sees the invitation and grabs it out of Jackie's hand. MAC: Oh, please tell me Butters knows nothing about this. As Mac sits down, Corny stands over them. CORNY: Hey, what's up? Did you say, uh, alterna-something? Corny reaches for the invitation. CORNY: Hmm. INT - HOSPITAL - DAY. Terrence lies in a hospital bed. Keith is sitting in a chair next to the bed, playing with his tie. Terrence wakes up and looks at Keith. TERRENCE: Not exactly who I was expecting to see. KEITH: They're finally allowing non-family visitors. Keith rises and stands by the bed. KEITH: Thought I'd drop by, find out what the hell you were doing breaking into the Dumas family home. TERRENCE: She said she was writing a story. A tell-all. About the gambling, the debt, about how I threw a playoff game. When the bus thing hit, I was worried her parents would find it. KEITH: So when you're accused of taking out a busload of kids to off your lover, you decide your best move is to break into her parents' house? TERRENCE: Well, their unlocked garage, actually, but yeah. This whole bus thing, I'm not their man. That story about throwing the playoff game ever got out, I'm ruined. Hey, there's my girl. Jackie arrives with a bowl of flowers and some magazines. JACKIE: Good afternoon, Mr. Mars. It's that time of day again. Clubhouse gossip. TERRENCE: My favorite time of day. KEITH: Okay, I'll be in touch. [to Jackie] Keep him out of trouble. JACKIE: I'll try. Jackie laughs and Keith leaves. TERRENCE: So what have we got? JACKIE: Well, it seems that Mets manager Willie Randolph is not happy. She bends down to kiss her father. He smiles broadly. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Gia and Veronica are in Veronica's bedroom. Veronica is connecting a video camera to the laptop. GIA: So I told Mrs. Harmon that my friend's boyfriend might have been at the game with another girl. Clever. VERONICA: Not bad. You just might have a future in this racket. They sit at the desk to watch. It's video of the same soccer game, concentrated on another child, one playing for the opposite team to Rodney's. As the camera follows the child's progress, a man can be seen with a camera. VERONICA: Look. Veronica pauses and rewinds the film. The man is wearing a jacket with yellow sleeves. VERONICA: That's a Neptune letterman jacket. They continue to watch. VERONICA: He's gone. Veronica runs the film back again. GIA: But the letterman jacket's got to be something, right? VERONICA: There, look. You see? The red truck. Behind the man filming is a red pickup truck. Veronica runs the film backwards and forwards. VERONICA: It's gone. And so is he. It must be his. GIA: Snap! VERONICA: So now we just need to find a varsity letterman who drives a red pickup and we've got our stalker. Cut to morning. Keith, in his bathrobe, opens the door of the apartment and steps onto the porch, checking the ground. There's nothing there, much to his consternation. He walks back into the apartment and stops when he sees two newspapers on the kitchen counter. Veronica is in the kitchen spreading something gooey (peanut butter?) on toast. VERONICA: I wanted to see what it was like, getting your news off the ground. And the stories... Veronica pours Keith his coffee as he settles into the stool at the counter. VERONICA: ...so tawdry. There was one yesterday about you getting a girl drunk. I can't believe it. KEITH: What, you don't think a girl would have a few drinks with me? VERONICA: I just read otherwise. Enjoy your headlines. Gotta go vote. Veronica exits the apartment. Keith picks up the paper. The first story he sees is one of Lloyd's (his first name misspelled "Loyd") under the headline "Neptune vote on incorporation too close to call." It reads in part: "As Balboa County residents headed to the ballot box this morning to decide the fate of Proposition 51, county-wide polls suggested a narrow fate for Neptune's proposed incorporation." Next to that article is one about a debut and inaugural performance at the newly opened Cathy Belben Concert Hall (Cathy Belben is one of the show's writers) with its "technology-pumped doors" written by Justin Goldberg. Keith opens out the paper to see a story on Woody. "Private eye contradicts Supervisor's story. Goodman paid escort from campaign funds. By Loyd Blankenship. Senior Staff Writer. Private detective, Keith Mars, 48, has broken his silence regarding his participation in leaving Jennifer Stansfield, 25, unconscious at Neptune Memorial Hospital Monday morning. 'Supervisor Goodman was the one to ask me for help,' Keith Mars said in an on-record interview. 'I, reluctantly, agreed to clean up his mess.' Repeated calls to County Supervisor Woodrow Goodman's office went unanswered. Goodman's allegations on Monday accused Keith Mars of needing assistance in dealing with an unconscious Stansfield. 'Mr. Mars was hired, on assignment, to investigate leaks,' Goodman was quoted Monday, 'we didn't know his methods would involve alcohol poisoning.' These new accusations could not have come at a worse time for Goodman and supporters of Prop 51. 'We were already in a near-dead heat before..." On the right of that story is another on the effects of incorporation, with Jerome Bellows complaining about the rich getting richer. INT - VOTING BOOTH - DAY. Veronica is voting on Proposition 51. She closes the curtains. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So. Special ballot measure number 51. Should Neptune consolidate its wealth and exclusivity at the expense of the poor and the unglamorous? Answer: no. She votes. INT - NHS, HALLWAY - DAY. Logan and Dick stroll down the hall. LOGAN: Who you taking to the alterna-prom? DICK: Well, I considered a lot of chicks, but finally figured I'd just go stag. I mean, it's not the prom: it's the alterna-prom. Why narrow my options? Logan looks at Dick for a moment. LOGAN: You were shot down, huh? DICK: It's like a conspiracy. LOGAN: It's a good thing we're graduating. Sounds like you've hit that point where every girl in school knows you. Dick raises his fist in the air. DICK: Bring on the sorority girls! They pass a group of students which includes Corny. He races up to them. CORNY: Dude! You need me to bring anything to the big bash? 'Cause if it's one thing I know how to do right, it's potluck. DICK: Uh, which bash is that? CORNY: Alterna-prom? I make these killer brownies. The secret: it's all in the butter. Logan glances at Dick and then raises his eyebrows, not happy. EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - DAY. Veronica is checking out the vehicles. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The student parking permit list doesn't show any red pickups, but that doesn't mean much here, as it's not uncommon for certain students to trade up to new rides whenever they get bored. So either our mystery student doesn't drive to school, or I'm barking up the wrong tree. Gia, looking stern, approaches Veronica. VERONICA: So, the bad news is, the only red pickup on the list belongs to a girl-- GIA: I don't care about that. VERONICA: Oh, I thought we were-- Veronica pulls out a San Diego newspaper, which has the same headline as Keith was reading. GIA: What I do care about is what your stupid dad thinks he's doing. VERONICA: Gia-- GIA: So now he's saying that it was my dad in that motel and he was sleeping with a hooker he paid in campaign money? VERONICA: My dad didn't get that woman drunk, that's all he said. GIA: I just don't get you people. I just don't. Gia thows the paper down to the ground and storms off. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Keith is watching the news on Channel 5. NEWSCASTER: And there will be no incorporated town of Neptune, as the special ballot measure goes down by a three-point margin. Veronica enters the apartment and stands by Keith to watch. NEWSCASTER: Many point to the supervisor's ongoing scandals as a deciding factor. No official comment yet from the supervisor's office, but-- VERONICA: So Neptune has to keep us? KEITH: What's a yacht without barnacles? VERONICA: So I'm stuck on something, and hoped you could help me. Veronica pulls out the disk. She puts it in the player under the television. KEITH: Absolutely. Unless it's physics or chemistry. Or math. Or English. P.E. I was good at P.E. The soccer game comes onscreen. VERONICA: So, some guy's been stalking Gia. I got a tape of him shooting Gia's brother's soccer game. KEITH: He-what do you mean, him shooting? Veronica pauses the film on the man in the letterman jacket. VERONICA: She found a DVD this guy sent to her house. Creepy footage of her. KEITH: When? When did she get this? VERONICA: The other day. KEITH: Let me show you something. Keith gets up from the sofa. Cut to moments later as Keith shows Veronica the video he has on his laptop. It's the one from inside Woody's house. KEITH: He got this last month. Hired me to look into it, figuring some anti-incorporation guy crossed the line. VERONICA: That's the same thing he told Gia when she asked about that security detail. KEITH: Until I figured out that this was shot before incorporation was announced. All of a sudden, I'm off the case and his gardener confessed out of the blue. Keith closes the laptop. VERONICA: So what does that mean? KEITH: Woody's scared of something and he's lying about it and it's serious. I want you to leave that tape with me and stay away from this case. This is more than just some obsessed school kid and I don't want you sticking your nose in. [seriously] And I mean that. You understand? Veronica nods. INT - NHS, STUDY HALL - DAY. Veronica is putting copies of the sketch of the man who paid Cliff's hooker into envelopes with covering letters. Mr. Wu approaches from behind. MR. WU: Miss Mars, what do you think you're doing? VERONICA: Just some clerical business. MR. WU: This is study hall. If you wanted clerical hall, you should have signed up for clerical hall. Veronica smiles tightly. Wu looks up as Logan saunters in. MR. WU: Mr. Echolls, so glad you could join us. Late. Wu walks off. Logan slumps down into the desk next to Veronica. LOGAN: And that is what happens when you never get laid. VERONICA: Well why don't you invite him to your bitchin' party? LOGAN: Hey, speaking of my bitching party, a funny thing happened. That stoner dude Corny whom I don't recall inviting offered to bring dessert. Veronica, still stuffing envelopes, grins. LOGAN: Exactly how many losers are now coming to my party? VERONICA: You said invite whoever. LOGAN: Didn't it occur to you that I might not have meant it? Logan glances down at Veronica's desk and notes the sketch. LOGAN: What is that? VERONICA: Just some work stuff for my dad. Logan stares at it intently before looking away. Veronica notices. VERONICA: Why? LOGAN: Nothing. Just looks like the guy my dad shared a cell with. INT - HOSPITAL - DAY. Terrence is sitting up in his bed. Jackie is sitting next to him, her feet curled under her. They are looking at a magazine. TERRENCE: Now that's a hell of a dress. JACKIE: Yeah, Gucci knockoff. Still pretty slinky, though. TERRENCE: I thought you said your prom was cancelled. JACKIE: It was, but some kids are having kind of a replacement prom. So Wallace and I are doing the whole thing: the dinner, the limo...oh, we got his tux, which he's warning me is some kind of insanely masculine mesmeriser of women. TERRENCE: Just better be careful, Jackie. JACKIE: Relax, Dad. Jackie gets off the bed, taking Terrence's glass with her. JACKIE: I learned the birds and the bees the hard way, remember? Jackie refills the glass with water and returns to stand by the bed, handing Terrence his drink. TERRENCE: I mean, it sounds like you're really falling for this Wallace guy. JACKIE: He's a nice young man whom I like, yes. Wait, are you, like, trying to give me, like, fatherly advice? TERRENCE: Trying. How am I doing? JACKIE: Not bad. For a novice. They smile indulgently at each other. JACKIE: I like Wallace, but I'm leaving for Paris, we both know it, so there's no illusions. Which is actually nice. INT - NHS, JOURNALISM CLASS - NIGHT. Veronica and Gia are on computers at the side of the room. Veronica has a page of the Navigator on screen. Gia is typing quickly. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Deadline night. I've been lying in wait to try to walk out with Gia to warn her about her dad. But, either she's writing the greatest story about lunchlady bodybuilding ever, or she's determined to avoid me. Veronica gets up from her chair and walks towards Gia. VERONICA: Hey. Gia, I was heading out and thought maybe-- GIA: I'm really busy right now. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So, since strangling her would be counterproductive, that only leaves giving up. Veronica swings around and walks out of the room, passing a teacher. TEACHER: Night, Veronica. VERONICA: Good night. INT - NHS, HALLWAY - CONTINUING. Veronica exits the room and passes Lucky who is buffing the floor. LUCKY: Hey, Veronica. VERONICA: Hey, Lucky. EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - NIGHT. The car park is almost empty as Veronica makes her way to her car. She slows and then stops when she sees a red pickup. It is parked next to a school bus in a space "Reserved for Maintenance." Veronica pulls out her cell. VERONICA: Dad, it's me. I know you told me to stay away from this stalker thing, and I did, but it just popped up right in front of me. The red truck, it's the janitor's. And Gia's in the building with him. Call me. INT - NHS, HALLWAY - NIGHT. Veronica searches for Gia. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Fifteen minutes, Dad. That's all the longer I can be expected to wait. Have tazer, will travel. She hears giggling. Veronica follows the sounds to the door of the janitor's closet. She stands outside, watching Lucky and Gia. LUCKY: That's Kuwait. And that's Iraq. GIA: Wow. Was that freaky? LUCKY: Was it freaky? You wanna see freaky? Look. Lucky lifts up his shirt and exposes a large scar across his abdomen and side. LUCKY: It's a roadside bomb. BOO! Gia gasps and jumps back. LUCKY: That was freaky. Lucky laughs and makes a gesture of holding a large gun. LUCKY: The insurgency: always leaving us presents. But, hell, you know, the whole world is freaky. Right? Lucky laughs. Veronica tries to attract Gia's attention from the hallway. Gia doesn't see her. GIA: That is so wild. LUCKY: Yeah. GIA: I should do, like, a human interest thing on, on you for the Navigator. Lucky laughs again. LUCKY: You should. Hey, let me show you something else. Lucky turns his back from the door to bend down. Veronica is waving her arms frantically in the hall. Gia finally sees her and isn't pleased. GIA: What do you want? Lucky turns from his search and looks up at the door. He sees Veronica. Her presence exposed, Veronica sighs at Gia's stupidity and steps forward into the room. INT - JANITOR'S CLOSET - CONTINUING. LUCKY: Hey, Veronica Mars. Just in time. Do you wanna see something freaky? VERONICA: Um... LUCKY: Hold on. Lucky goes back to his search. Veronica gestures with her head to pull Gia away from him and into the corner of the room with her. VERONICA: [whispers] The guy with the red truck. Varsity jacket. Gia finally gets it and her mouth drops open in shock. LUCKY: Jackpot. Lucky has found what he is looking for. He turns around to face the girls, holding a large, serrated knife. LUCKY: Check it out. I got this off a...an Iraqi corpse. This sucker will do some serious damage. Serrated blade. Veronica takes a step towards the door, dragging Gia behind her. VERONICA: That's really cool, but actually we-we gotta go. Lucky plants himself between them and the door. LUCKY: Right. I'm sorry. He chuckles and leans towards them. They both jump back, clear of the knife in his hand. LUCKY: Guess the human interest story will have to wait. Lucky drops his voice to a whisper. LUCKY: That's too bad, 'cause I got some pretty crazy stuff I could tell you. He throws the knife up and catches it, forcing Veronica to step back again. He looks at Gia. LUCKY: I know your dad, you know. He backs away from the door, juggling the knife. Keith barrels through the door, pushing him and sending Lucky crashing to the ground. LUCKY: What the hell, man? Keith climbs on top of him and puts one of Lucky's wrists in one side of a pair of handcuffs. KEITH: Sheriff's on his way. Don't move. The knife is on the floor, still close to Lucky. Veronica grabs it and puts it up on the shelf. She then helps Keith by holding down Lucky's other hand. LUCKY: Get off me, man! KEITH: Why have you been stalking Gia? The videos and the break-ins, why? LUCKY: Screw you, man, just screw you! He deserved it! He deserved it! LAMB: Everyone freeze. Lamb arrives with his gun drawn and stands at the door. A deputy behind him joins Keith to secure Lucky. Veronica scoots away. LAMB: Keith, when you call the Sheriff, you don't have to come yourself. Would you get up off the man? [SCENE_BREAK] Keith rises, leaving Lucky to the deputy. LAMB: You said you have evidence to back up what you said? KEITH: He basically confessed already. We get him in a room for an hour-- LAMB: "We"? I appreciate the heads-up. This is a law enforcement matter now, Mr. Mars. You can go. KEITH: Go on ahead to your party, honey. Might be a little late tonight. Keith bends back down and attaches the free end of the handcuffs to his own wrist. He takes the key out of his pocket and lobs it into the nearby sink. The key disappears down the plughole. Lamb is not happy. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LIFT - NIGHT. Dick, in a tux, a pale blue ruffled shirt, wearing a lei and carrying a barrel on his shoulder, makes his way into the lift where there are already half a dozen people. He turns to face the doors just as Madison steps into the elevator. DICK: Madison. Flying solo? Ditto. Just me and the party pig. Madison, very like a princess complete with wrap and tiara, turns to face the front, rolls her eyes and ignores him. The doors start to close. VERONICA: Hold it! Veronica, wearing a black strapless dress belted at the waist, runs to the door, putting out a hand to re-open the doors. She enters followed by Wallace and Jackie, and Mac and Butters. DICK: What up? What's that smell? VERONICA: Mac, you really do look-- MAC: Don't distract me. I'm planning how to kill you and make it look like an accident. The doors start to close again. CORNY: Oh, hold it! Corny, wearing a T-shirt displaying a tux front and a top hat, re-opens the doors and enters. CORNY: Sweet. Penthouse, please. He's followed by another couple and finally the doors close. The lift is packed. MADISON: God, longest elevator ride ever. BUTTERS: Wait for the space elevator. Veronica, Mac, Corny, Madison and a number of the other occupants stare at Butters like he's nuts. He's oblivious for a moment, then notices. BUTTERS: They're designing it now. A huge elevator on a hundred-mile carbon polymer cable that goes all the way to space. That'll be a long elevator ride. MAC: Still not as long as this one. Veronica smiles in amusement. The lift finally reaches its destination. The pinger pings and the doors open. Madison and Mac both push their way out first, simultaneously relieved. MADISON/MAC: Thank God. Everyone piles out behind them. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT. There's a dj at work in the corner and most of the furniture is gone. People are dancing. Logan, in a white tux and a pink rose for a buttonhole, is playing host and greets the new arrivals, the first of whom are Madison and Dick. LOGAN: Hey, welcome! So tonight, there is only one thing I ask of you. He shakes Dick's hand. LOGAN: Make senior memories. Dick points to the barrel on his shoulder. DICK: Uh, that's why I brought the party pig. Logan grins as Dick spots an unattached girl and heads for her. DICK: Better watch yourself, Danielle. Here comes me and my hog. Dick attaches a tube to the stopper on the barrel. DICK: Sooo-ey. Dick offers Danielle the other end. Danielle turns away in disgust. Dick sticks the end of the tube into his own mouth. Back at the door, Wallace and Jackie enter next. WALLACE: Yo, man. LOGAN: Hey, how's it going? WALLACE: All right. Butters, who is in a dark suit and coat with a red scarf and tie, and a hat, does a little dance before holding his hand out to an unreceptive Mac. MAC: I need a drink. Mac takes flight. Butters follows. Logan watches, a little bemused as Veronica stops in front of him. VERONICA: Mac just had dinner on a pirate ship. Logan chuckles and Veronica moves past him, into the room. Logan's eyes follow her as he checks her out. He whistles appreciatively. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - NIGHT. Keith and Lucky are sitting side by side in a jail cell. KEITH: [softly, sympathetically] Back at the school you were saying Woody deserved it. Why? He do something to you? Someone you know? Lucky looks at Keith and then leans in, about to tell him something. He's interrupted by the sound of Lamb entering the cell. Lamb sighs heavily as he bends down and tries a variety of keys on the handcuffs. LAMB: What are you looking at, nutjob? KEITH: Cut him some slack, Don. Lamb's keys don't work. LAMB: I wasn't talking to him, Keith. Lamb pats Keith and rises, leaving the cell. Lucky laughs. LUCKY: I don't think he likes you. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT. The party is in full swing. Jackie and Wallace are dancing very close. Elsewhere, Butters and Mac are dancing, holding each other much further apart. BUTTERS: I'm not stupid, you know. I know it's weird to force someone to go to prom with you. I know. MAC: So why did you do it? BUTTERS: Because I wanted to be true to myself. They stop dancing. Butters takes off his hat. BUTTERS: I am weird. I thought maybe you'd understand because...you're a little weird too. That's a compliment. MAC: Oh. Well, then you're really, really weird. Mac glances over at Veronica, who is watching them. Veronica sticks up her thumb in encouragement. Mac glares at her before starting to dance again. Butters leads her into an awkward twirl. Elsewhere, Madison is getting herself a drink, trying to ignore Dick. DICK: Senior year's almost over. In a month, we might never see each other again. Veronica is nearby and glances at them. DICK: Never. Think about how long that is. That's like forever, but worse. MADISON: I'm not going to sleep with you. DICK: We could fool around in the bathroom. Old times' sake? Never! It's a long time, Madison. Madison pours a glass of champagne as Veronica decides to join the fun. VERONICA: Leave her alone, Dick. You don't want to make her have to call the law, 'cause I hear the law really comes down hard. Have you heard that? Madison, uncomfortable, goes on the attack. MADISON: So, I guess you're here alone since Duncan, like, ran away, or whatever. VERONICA: You mean, took it on the lam? Madison takes in a painful breath as she realises the new opening she's provided. Dick, with no apparent clue as to what it means, just enjoys the barbs. VERONICA: 'Cause I can't imagine what that's like. Can you? Being on the Lamb? Think you'd just want to close your eyes and pray for it all to end. You'd have the cops crawling all over you. Right? What do you think, Madison? Madison looks desperately for an escape. MADISON: There's Gia. Madison races away. DICK: What does Madison care about Gia? Ronnie: what do you think the odds are of you and me hooking up by the end of the night? Dick sticks out his tongue in a manner he no doubt considers charming. VERONICA: I happen to have them right here. Veronica reached down the front of her dress. Dick rises on tiptoes in a vain effort to look down her dress. Veronica pulls out an imaginary piece of paper. VERONICA: They are...a googolplex to one. Ignorant, Dick celebrates his success. DICK: Right on! So I'll send over a bartender and check back in with you later. He looks over the party and spots another target. Veronica, disgusted, also glances around, seeing Madison leave Gia with the drink she poured. DICK: Hey! Shelly! Speaking of pork, wanna meet my hog? Oow! Dick heads for other pastures and Veronica races to Gia to stop her drinking. VERONICA: You don't want to drink that! Trust me. Veronica takes the glass. GIA: Hey. Thanks for rescuing me back at school. That was cool. And I'm sorry about what I said about your dad. VERONICA: He's been called worse. Music: "I Hear the Bells" by Mike Doughty. LYRICS: I hear the bells down in the canyon, It's snow in New York some blue December, I'm going to the moon about you, girl, And I'm calling to you throughout the world and well I can (I can) hear the bells are ringing joyful and triumphant And I can (I can) hear the bells are ringing joyful and triumphant, and... I hear the bells, they are like emeralds, and Glints in the night, commas and ampersands Your moony face so inaccessible Your inner mind so inexpressible I can (I can) hear the bells are ringing joyful and triumphant And I can (I can) hear the bells are ringing joyful and triumphant, and... Dum, dum, dum, dumbi-dum-dum Dum, dum, dum, dumbi-dum-dum I'm seeking girls in sales and marketing Let's go make out up in the balcony Your business dress so businesslike and I'm Tossing the blouse over a chairback and I can (I can) hear the bells are ringing joyful and triumphant And I can (I can) hear the bells are ringing joyful and triumphant, and... I can (I can) hear the bells are ringing joyful and triumphant And I can (I can) hear the bells are ringing joyful and triumphant, and... Dum, dum, dum, dumbi-dum-dum Dum, dum, dum, dumbi-dum-dum You snooze, you lose, well I have snost and lost I'm pushing through, I'll disregard the cost I hear the bells, so fascinating and I'll slug it out, I'm sick of waiting and I can (I can) hear the bells are ringing joyful and triumphant And I can (I can) hear the bells are ringing joyful and triumphant, and... I can (I can) hear the bells are ringing joyful and triumphant And I can (I can) hear the bells are ringing joyful and triumphant, and... I can (I can) hear the... Veronica spots Jackie and Wallace making out in the corner. She pats Gia and heads towards them. VERONICA: I thought I told you to get a room! WALLACE: Already done got a room. Veronica is surprised. Wallace and Jackie start to make their way out of the suite. Behind Veronica, jacketless and wasted, is Logan. WALLACE: So, Mars, I'm leaving it to you to represent the lower middle class at the Neptune Alterna-Prom. VERONICA: You can't just leave me here. JACKIE: We'd stay, but I, uh, just can't control myself. Logan watches Veronica. WALLACE: It's the tux, I'm telling you. Wallace and Jackie exit the suite and Veronica rolls her eyes. Logan watches Veronica as she moves back towards the wall. He meets her there. LOGAN: Alone again. VERONICA: Naturally. Veronica looks out over the party. Logan, carrying a bottle of champagne turns into the wall and leans against it. LOGAN: I, uh, I know the feeling. Veronica puts the glass she rescued from Gia down on the small table by the wall. VERONICA: You? Host of the greatest private replacement prom ever? Logan smiles, takes a large swig from the bottle and drags his hand through his hair. VERONICA: I'm sure you could have your pick of the bimbos. Veronica listens to the music as Logan observes her. VERONICA: I really like this song. Veronica sits back on the table. Logan glances around and then straddles the table next to her. LOGAN: You know, I'm surprised, Veronica. And as a keen observer of the human condition, I thought you saw through people better than that. Veronica looks at him questioningly. LOGAN: Bimbos? That's not me anymore. VERONICA: So what are you like now? LOGAN: You know. Tortured. Ever since I had my heart broke. VERONICA: Hannah really did do a number on you, huh? LOGAN: Come on, you know I'm not talking about Hannah. He stares at her, eyes intense and glistening. Veronica is taken aback as she realises that Logan is talking about her. She doesn't know how to react. LOGAN: I thought our story was epic, you know? You and me. VERONICA: Epic how? Logan takes another swig. LOGAN: Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed, epic. Logan pauses, staring intently at her. Veronica doesn't move. LOGAN: But summer's almost here. And we won't see each other at all. Then you'll leave town then...it's over. VERONICA: Logan... LOGAN: I'm sorry. About last summer. This surprises her. Logan is nearly in tears. LOGAN: You know, if I could do it over... Logan shuffles closer to her. Veronica makes a half-hearted attempt to dispel the tension. VERONICA: Come on. Ruined lives, bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard? LOGAN: No one writes songs about the ones that come easy. Logan shuffles closer to her again, his eyes never leaving her. Veronica doesn't move. She looks away, clears her throat and finally looks back at him, uncomfortable and uncertain. Logan leans his head closer to her. He reaches out and strokes her cheek. Veronica shivers slightly, sighs deeply and stares up at him. Logan leans closer and closer, about to kiss her. Veronica struggles to breath. VERONICA: [strangled] I have to go. I have to go. Veronica slides off the table and takes off. Logan watches her go. End music: "I Hear the Bells" by Mike Doughty. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, ROOM - NIGHT. Music: "All My Life" by DJ Harry. LYRICS: I'll come right down to it How do I accept again {} I exist I've thought about {} 'bout it And I {} in limbo I still don't know if it's something in my soul If it's something in my soul If it's something in my soul Jackie, in a white, softly ruched dress, and Wallace, his jacket off, fall back onto the bed, side by side, holding hands. They gaze at each other for a moment. They kiss gently. Jackie helps Wallace remove his shirt. With the straps of her dress eased off her shoulders, Jackie lies atop Wallace as they continue to kiss. End music: "All My Life" by DJ Harry. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - NIGHT. Keith and Lucky are still in the cell, attached by the handcuffs. They talk softly. KEITH: So, Mayor Goodman. Why do you want to scare that guy so bad? I mean, I admit I'm no great fan of the man's policies, but-- LUCKY: His, his policy? See, that's the thing. People always talk about him as this great guy. He's the mayor. He makes, he makes good burgers. He's awesome, Woody Goodman. But you don't know what he really is. KEITH: What is he really? LUCKY: You want to know? Keith nods his head. LUCKY: Hmm? Lucky leans in to whisper in Keith's ear but pulls back at the clash of the opening cell door. Lamb and a deputy arrive. LAMB: You might want to apologize to Sacks who spent the last hour with his arm down that drain. The deputy applies a key to the cuffs. Lucky gives Keith a pleading look. Keith rises and walks over to Lamb. KEITH: Couple more minutes. Please, Don. He's about to open up. LAMB: No can do. He's going home now, he just made bail. KEITH: Who bailed him out? LAMB: Uh... Lamb looks at the clipboard in his hand. LAMB: Stewart Manning. The deputy frees Lucky from the cuffs. KEITH: Mr. Manning, Meg Manning's father? Lucky walks out of the cell, followed by the deputy. Lucky rubs his wrist and glances back at Keith as he goes. LAMB: Guess he's got a soft spot for weirdos. EXT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith picks up the papers from the mat. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. He turns to re-enter the apartment as an agitated Veronica comes out of her bedroom. KEITH: Hey. Must not have been that wild a party if you're up this early. VERONICA: It was...whatever. Veronica evades further questions by leaving the apartment. Keith watches her go, concerned. KEITH: Ah. Whatever. He sighs and looks at the paper. He sighs again when he sees the headline: "Cook threw championship game. Woman killed in bus crash accused Hall of Fame hopeful of fixing ALCS. By Geoff Stack. Senior Writer." INT - HOSPITAL - DAY. Jackie is reading the same article, waiting outside Terrence's room. P.A. ANNOUNCEMENT: Doctor Watkins to Peds ICU. Doctor Watkins to Peds ICU. She drops the paper to her lap, saddened. NURSE: You can go ahead in now. Jackie rises, folds the paper and throws it in the rubbish. She puts a smile on her face and enters the room. JACKIE: Good morning. She walks towards his bed and he smiles up at her. Outside his room, a deputy guards the room. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - DAY. Veronica walks from the lift to the door to Logan's suite. She's nervous and uncertain. She changes her mind and swings around to face the lift again. She stops, screws up her eyes and her resolve. She knocks on the door. She nearly bolts again but there is the sound of something being knocked aside and she faces the door as it opens. Logan, shirtless and massaging his head, looks at her groggily. LOGAN: Hello. VERONICA: First let me say that I'm sorry for running out last night like I did. I was a bit overwhelmed; I needed to collect my thoughts, think about what you said. Veronica is keen to get out what she has to say. Logan is confused. LOGAN: Veronica... VERONICA: Look, let me just get this out. I don't want to lose you from my life either. And I'm not saying I'm ready to dive back into anything, but after graduation, let's make it a point to see each other. See where that takes us. I remember what you said about our relationship being epic. Veronica finally sees that he has no idea what she is talking about as Logan rests his head on the door. VERONICA: ...Oh, God. LOGAN: Last night was kind of a blur. KENDALL: [offscreen] Is that our room service? Veronica and Logan are both distressed beyond description as Kendall appears in a bathrobe behind Logan. Kendall looks at Veronica over his shoulder, possessively running her hands over Logan's naked abdomen. KENDALL: No. Just Veronica Mars. What a disappointment. Come on. Let's get you cleaned up. Bye, Veronica. Kendall disappears back into the suite. Veronica forces herself to smile through the gathering tears. LOGAN: Look, whatever I said, I... Veronica shakes her head and walks away from the door. Logan steps into the hallway after her. LOGAN: You should know-- VERONICA: Stop. Logan stares as Veronica gets into the lift. She looks back at him, her face twisted in pain as the doors close. End.

Gia asks Veronica to discover who is stalking her after she receives a video of her brother's soccer game, which is similar to the one received by Woody. The video turns out to be from Lucky, the janitor at Neptune High who used to be the batboy for the Neptune Sharks. Although he is arrested, his bail is paid by the Mannings. Woody enlists Keith to take to the hospital a semi-clad, young campaign worker who had gone to a motel with Woody the night before and was now unconscious.

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_02x04

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_02x04_0

Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Outside the museum. Buffy, Willow and Xander are walking past the rose gardens toward the building. Buffy: This is so unfair. Willow: I don't think it's that bad. Buffy: It's the Ueber-suck. Mom could've at least warned me. Xander: Well, a lot of parents are doing it this year. It's part of this whole cultural exchange magilla. The exhibit, the dance... Willow: I have the best costume for the dance! Buffy: A complete stranger in my house for two weeks. I'm gonna be insane! A danger to myself and others within three days, I swear. Xander: I think the exchange student program's cool. (gets a look from Buffy) I do! It's a beautiful melding of two cultures. Buffy: Have you ever done an exchange program? Xander: My dad tried to send me to some Armenians once. Does that count? They climb the steps to the building entrance and the cultural exchange exhibit. Cut inside. Cordelia and two other girls are looking over the pictures of the exchange students. Cordelia: Ooo! There's mine! Sven. Isn't he lunchable? Mine's definitely the best. She walks past Buffy. Buffy: What're you lookin' at? Cordelia: Pictures of our exchange students. Look. 100% Swedish, 100% gorgeous, 100% staying at my house! So, how's yours? Visually, I mean. Buffy: I don't know. Guy like? Xander: By guy-like we are talking big, beefy, guy-like girl, right? Buffy: I was just told 'guy'. Cordelia: You didn't look at him first? He could be dogly. You live on the edge. (walks off) Xander: Hold on a sec. So, this person who's living with you for two weeks is a man. With man parts. This is a terrible idea. Willow: What about the beautiful melding of two cultures? Xander: There's no melding, okay? He better keep his parts to himself. They stop at the end of a row of display cases, and Buffy notices Rodney scraping a mask. Buffy: What's he doing? Xander: Uh, that's Rodney Munson. He's God's gift to the bell curve. Another student goes up to Rodney and gets growled at. Xander: What he lacks in smarts he makes up in lack of smarts. Willow: You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years. Buffy giggles to herself. Xander: Yeah. I'm irrational that way. Buffy: (smiles) I better stop him before he gets in trouble. Willow: I got it. The non-violent approach is probably better here. (goes over to Rodney) Buffy: I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. (looks up at Xander) Do I? Xander: The important thing is *you* believe that. Cut to Rodney. He's still scraping the mask. Rodney: What're you... (looks up) Oh. Willow, hi. Willow: That's probably not something you're supposed to be doing. You could get in trouble. Rodney: (facetiously) Oh, no. And they might kick me outta school? Willow: (smiles) Are we still on for our chem tutorial tomorrow? Rodney: Yeah. I think I got almost all fourteen natural elements memorized. Willow: There're a hundred and three. Rodney suddenly looks worried. Cut to the museum guide. Guide: Welcome, students. We shall now proceed into the Incan burial chamber. The human sacrifice is about to begin. Cut to the entry to the Inca exhibit. They all walk in. Xander: Typical museum trick. Promise human sacrifice, deliver old pots and pans. Guide: Five hundred years ago, the Incan people chose a beautiful teenage girl to become their princess. They take the steps up to a platform where the Incan stone coffin and mummy are on display. Willow: I hope this story ends with, 'And she lived happily ever after.' Xander: (looks into the coffin) No, I think it ends with, 'And she became a scary, discolored, shriveled mummy.' Guide: The Incan people sacrificed their princess to the mountain god Sebancaya, an offering buried alive for eternity in this dark tomb. Willow: They could've at least wrapped her in those nice white bandages, like in the movies? Guide: The princess remained there protected only by a cursed seal placed there (points to the plate in the mummy's hands) as a warning to any who would wake her. Cordelia and a few other girls are still looking at the exchange student pictures and laughing. Xander: So, Buffy, when's exchange-o boy making his appearance? Buffy: His name's Ampata. Gonna be at the bus station tomorrow night. Xander: Ooo. The Sunnydale bus depot. Classy! What a better way to introduce someone to our country than with the stench of urine. Guide: Now, if you'll follow me this way, please. They all walk past the coffin and follow the guide to the next destination on the tour. Cut to later. The exhibit is deserted now except for Rodney, who cautiously looks around and makes his way back up to the mummy. He looks into the stone coffin and sees the plate with the seal. Rodney: Aha. Cool. He reaches in and yanks at the plate, trying to wrest it from the mummy's grip. He gets it out of one hand, and yanks it hard to get it out of the other. It comes loose, and he pulls it up too fast, breaking it against the side of the coffin. Rodney: Oh! Damn! He reaches in to collect the pieces. The mummy's arms reach up and grab him by the neck. Its eyelids open to reveal empty sockets as it pulls him in closer. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High. Students are arriving for school. Cut to the library. Buffy and Giles are training. Xander is studying at the table. Buffy: So, can I go? Giles: I think not. Buffy lands four hard hits on the training pad Giles is holding. He flinches at her blows, and after she's done puts the pad down in favor of a much thicker one. Buffy: (pouts) How come? Giles: Because you are the Chosen One. Buffy: Mm. Just this once I'd like to be the Overlooked One. Giles: Well, I'm... afraid that is not... Buffy kicks the pad hard, making Giles stagger back a few steps. Giles: You have responsibilities that other girls do not. Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bity blah, I'm so stuffy, gimme a scone. Giles: (sarcastically) It's as if you know me. Buffy continues kicking. Xander winces at each blow. Giles: Your secret identity is gonna be difficult enough to maintain while this exchange student is living with you. Xander gets up and separates them. Xander: Nooot... *with* her. In the same house as her. Am I the only one who's objective enough to make that distinction? (goes to the counter) Buffy: So! I think going to the dance like a normal person would be the best way to keep that secret. Giles, come on, budge! No one likes a non- budger. Giles doesn't say a word. She steps back and comes at him for an especially hard kick. Giles: FINE! Buffy stops her kick at the last instant. Giles: Go. Buffy: (smiles) Yay! I win. Giles: I'll just go and introduce my shoulder to a, an icepack. Xander: (hops off of the counter) So, I guess we're dance-bound. Cool. I think I can get my mom's car, so I'm wheel man. Buffy: I thought you were taking Willow. Xander: Well, yeah, I'm gonna take Willow, but I'm not gonna *take* Willow. In the sense of 'take me'. See, with you we're three and everybody's safe. Without you, we're two. Buffy: Ah, and we enter dateville. Romance, flowers... Xander: Lips. Willow comes into the library, but Xander's back is to the door so he doesn't see her. Buffy pretends not to notice her. Buffy: Oh, come on. In all the years you've know Willow, you've never thought about her lips? Xander: Buffy, I love Willow. Willow smiles widely. Xander: And she's my best friend. Which makes her not the kind of girl who I think about her lips that much. Willow's smile fades to disappointment. Xander: She's the kind of girl that... I'm best friends with. Willow: Hey guys. Xander: Willow! (goes to her) Hi! We were just talkin' about happy things. He puts his arm around her and pulls her over to Buffy at the table. Xander: Like the three of us going to the dance together. See? (laughs) Happy! Willow isn't smiling. Xander: Not happy. Willow: No. Uh, oh, y-yes. No. Rodney's missing. Giles: (comes out of his office with an ice pack) Trouble with Mr. Munson again? (puts it on his shoulder) Willow: His parents say he never came home last night. Buffy: Y'know, I don't think I remember seeing Rodney on the bus back from the field trip. Willow: I didn't either. I hope he didn't get in trouble at the museum. Xander: (chuckles) Hey, maybe he awakened the mummy. Willow: (giggles) Right, and it rose from its tomb. Buffy: (smiles) And attacked him. (nods) Their smiles fade as they all realize that that may not be so far- fetched. Cut to the Inca exhibit at the museum. They all come walking in. Willow: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke. Xander: For twenty-one hours? Willow: It's addictive, you know. Giles: We'll deal with that when we've... ruled out evil curses. They climb the steps to the platform where the coffin is on display. Buffy: One day I'm gonna live in a town where evil curses are just generally ruled out without even saying. Giles: There was a seal? Buffy steps up to the coffin and looks in. Buffy: It was right here. And it's broken. (picks up the largest piece) Willow: Does that mean the mummy's loose? Buffy: No, comfy as ever. (hands the piece to Giles) Giles: Look at this series of pictograms. A man comes out of nowhere and yells, jumps up behind Xander and swings at him with a knife. Xander ducks the blow and gets behind him. The man swings back the other way again blindly, looks into the coffin and is surprised by what he sees there. Xander jumps onto the man's back. He knocks Xander off, and runs off of the platform and away. Xander quickly gets up. Xander: Okay, I just saved us, right? Buffy: Something did. Giles: Well, we'll fret about the details later. Let's just get out of here before he comes back. They all hurry down the steps to leave except Willow, who's noticed something about the mummy. Willow: Giles, were the Incas very advanced? Giles: Yes, yes, very. Willow: Did they have orthodontists? Cut to the mummy. There are metal braces on its teeth. Cut to the library. They all come in. Willow: Rodney looked like he had been dead for five hundred years. How could that be? Xander: Maybe we should ask that crazy man with the big old knife. Buffy: I don't think he seemed overly chatty. Willow: The way he bolted when he saw Rodney, I'd say he was as freaked as we were. Giles: My resources on this subject are extremely limited. I-I gather that this particular mummy was from the Sebancaya region of eastern Peru. It's very remote. Now, if there's an answer, then it's, it's locked in the... Buffy: ...in the seal. Giles: (looks at the seal) It's gonna take me weeks to... translate these pictograms. Well, we'll start tonight with... Buffy: Ampata! Giles: I was gonna suggest hunting. Buffy: No, I'm late. I told my mom I'd pick him up. Xander: Uh-uh-uh, Buffy? Where are your priorities? Tracking down a mummifying killer or making time for some Latin lover whose stock in trade is the breakage of hearts? Buffy: Ampata's there alone. And I-I don't know how good his English is. He's here from South A... South America. Hey, y'know, maybe he could translate the seal. Xander: Oh, yeah. Fall for the old 'let me translate that ancient seal for ya' come on. Tsh. D'ya know how many times I've used that? Cut to the bus stations. Ampata is standing there alone waiting and looking around for his ride. He hears a whisper. Mummy: Ampata... He starts walking in the direction of the voice, passing several parked busses. He hears the voice again, louder this time. Mummy: Ampata... He walks between two busses, looking around for whoever it is. Ampata: Hello? He sees the mummy come toward him, and is surprised and frightened but doesn't scream or yell. The mummy reaches out, grabs him by the neck, pulls him in and kisses him. Ampata begins to shrivel and dry up as the mummy draws his life force from him. Cut to later. Buffy, Willow and Xander arrive at the bus station and look for him. Buffy: Forty minutes late. Welcome to America! Willow: What if he left already? Willow finds the door to the station building locked. Buffy: (calls out) Ampata? Ampata Gutierrez? Xander: So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him? 'Cause I don't know anything much besides Doritos and Chihuahua. Buffy: Ampata? Ampata: Here! The mummy had regained her appearance of a young teenage girl. She comes walking out from between two busses. Ampata: Hello. Xander is instantly taken with her beauty. She comes over and stands before them. Ampata: I am Ampata. Xander: Ay caramba! I can also say that! Buffy and Willow are also surprised to find that Ampata is a girl. Willow looks up at Xander and sees how he's looking at her. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Summers house. Buffy is showing Ampata around the house. Buffy: Dining room... They come into the kitchen from the dining room. Buffy: And this (turns on the light) is the kitchen. Ampata: (amazed) It's very good! Buffy: Yeah, you got your stove, your fridge, it's fully functional. We're very into it. Xander: (slow and over-pronounced) Would you like a drink? (gestures) Buffy: (opens the fridge) Uh, let's see, we've got milk, and, uh, oh, older milk... Juice? Ampata: Please. Willow: So, Ampata. You're a girl. Ampata: Yes. For many years now. Willow: And not a boy, 'cause we thought a boy was coming, and here ya are in a girl way! Xander: It's just one of those crazy mix-ups, Will. Buffy: So, have you ever been to America before? (sets out glasses) Ampata: Uh, I, I have toured. Xander: (slow English again) Where did... you go? Buffy gives Willow a look, and goes to get something to munch on as Willow pours the juice. Ampata: I was taken to Atlanta, Boston, New York. Willow: New York! That's exciting. What was that like? Ampata: I did not see so much. Xander: Your English is... very bueno. Buffy and Willow exchange another look at Xander's deliberately slow speech. Ampata: I listened much. Xander: Well, that works out well, because I talk much. (they laugh) Cut to later in Buffy's room. Ampata sits down on her bed, surprised at the springiness of it. Buffy: Hey! Sorry about the teeniness of the room. Ampata: My old one was much smaller. Buffy: (sits on her bed) What's it like back home? Ampata: Cramped, and... very dead. Buffy: Well, you'll feel right at home in Sunnydale. Ampata: Oh, no! Ohhhh! (gets up) But... but you have so *much* here! (picks up a picture) Buffy: How 'bout friends? Ampata: They are... (puts the picture down) It is just me. Buffy: I've been there. But, hey! You'll meet lots of people tomorrow. Ampata: Thank you. (goes back to her bed) You must teach me everything about your life. I want to fit in, Buffy. Just like you. A normal life. Buffy: One normal life. Comin' up. She reaches over to turn off her light. Cut outside. The man from the museum is hidden there looking in through the window from the bushes. Cut to outside the school the next morning. Cordelia and Devon come down some stairs to Oz's van. Cordelia: Devon, I told you I'd be at the dance tonight, but I am *not* one of your little groupies. I won't be all doe-eyed looking up at you, standing at the edge of the stage. Devon: Got it. Cordelia: So, I'll see you afterwards? Devon: Sure. Where do you wanna meet? Cordelia: I'll be standing at the edge of the stage. Devon: (looks over at Sven) With that guy? Cordelia: (looks also) Sven! Momento! Needa! (to Devon) This whole student exchange thing has been a horrible nightmare. They don't even speak American. So, I'll see you later? (she allows him a kiss on the cheek) Bye! She starts back up the stairs toward the school. She turns back when she notices that Sven isn't following. Cordelia: Sven! Come? Sven starts to follow her. Devon smirks and goes over to Oz, who's dealing with their equipment. Devon: Oz, man! What do you think? Oz: Of what? Devon: Cordelia, man! Oz: She's a wonderland tour. Devon: You gotta admit, the girl is hot! Oz: Yeah, she's a hot girl. Devon: Let me guess: not your type? What does a girl have to do to impress you? Oz: Well, it involves a feathered boa and a theme to 'A Summer Place'. I can't discuss it here. Devon: You're too picky, man. Do you know how many girls you could have? You're lead guitar, Oz. It's currency! Oz: I'm not picky. You're just impressed by any pretty girl that can walk and talk. Devon: She doesn't have to talk. Oz just smirks. Cut to Willow and Xander walking. Willow: I worked really hard on my costume. It's pretty cool. Xander: Okay, but what about me? I've gotta think. Willow: Well, it's a celebration of cultures. There are lots of dress- up alternatives. Xander: And a corresponding equal number of mocking alternatives. All aimed at me. Willow: Bavarians are cool. Xander: Okay, no shirts with ruffles, no hats with feathers and definitely no lederhosen. They make my calves look fat. Willow: Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot? That came out wrong. Xander didn't take offense because he's too busy looking at Buffy and Ampata arriving for school. Willow notices and looks also. Cut to Buffy and Ampata. Buffy: Your first day of school. Nervous? Ampata: It is just more people than I have seen in a long time. Buffy: Ah, don't worry. You will have no problems making friends. As a matter of fact, I know someone who's dying to meet you. Cut to the library. Giles gets right to it. Giles: (shakes her hand, smiles) How do you do? Ampata: Hi. Giles: I was, I was wondering if you could, um, translate this? (shows her the seal) Buffy: That was in no way awkward. Ampata takes it and looks at it in disbelief. Buffy: Something wrong? Ampata: Uh, No! Uh, it is... Uh, why are you asking me? Giles: Well, uh, uh... (coughs) It's, well, it's an artifact... from, from, uh, your... region. I-it's, uh, from the tomb of a-an Incan mummy, a-a-actually. We were trying to translate it, uh, um, as a-a project for our, um... Willow: Our archeology club. Giles: (impressed with her quick thinking) Very good. Ampata: It is broken. Where are the other pieces? Buffy: That's all we found. Ampata: Hmm. It is very old and valuable. (to Giles, holding the seal out to him) You should hide it! Giles: Is, is, uh, anything you recognize here? Um, um, this, this, um... this ch-chap here with the knife, for instance? Ampata: Well, I-I do not know exactly, but... I-I-I think this represents, I believe the word is... 'bodyguard'? Giles: (takes the seal) Bodyguard? Interesting. Ampata: Legend has it that he guards the mummy against those who would disturb her. Giles: Well, uh, yes, well, that's, um, that's a very good starting point for our, um... club. (looks at Buffy) Um... Buffy: Oh, and, uh, a-as club president, I have, um, lots to do. Lots of... stuff. Dull stuff. Uh, oh, Willow, maybe you could... Xander: Stay with Ampata for the day. I'd love to. (bows slightly and smiles) Ampata: (smiles) Yes! That will be fun. Xander gestures for Ampata to go ahead of him. As she walks out he turns to Buffy and Willow, lets out a breath, and follows her. Willow watches them go. Giles: Right. I'll, uh, continue with the translation. Buffy, you research this, uh, bodyguard thing, and, uh, Willow... (turns around) Willow? Willow: (still staring after them) Boy. They really like each other. Cut to the bleachers on the football field. Xander and Ampata are sitting about two-thirds of the way up. Xander: And this (reaches into his satchel) is called a snack food. (holds up a Twinkie) Ampata: Snack food? Xander: Yeah. It's a delicious, spongy, golden cake stuffed with a delightful creamy, white substance of goodness. And here's how you eat it. He stuffs the whole thing into his mouth. Ampata laughs at the sight. Xander: Mm-hm. Ampata: Oh, but now I cannot try it. Xander: (with a full mouth) That's why you bring two. He produces another one from his bag and hands it to her. Ampata: Oh! (studies it) Here goes! She pulls her windswept hair back from her face and proceeds to stuff most of the Twinkie into her mouth. She laughs with delight. Xander: (mouth still full) Good, huh? And the exciting part is that they have no ingredients that a human can pronounce. So it doesn't leave you with that heavy... food feeling in your stomach. She squeals with laughter. Ampata: (mouth full) You are strange. Xander: Girls always tell me that. Right before they run away. Ampata: I like it! Xander: I like you like it! She can't help but laugh more at that. Xander: Please, don't learn from my English. Cut to the library. Buffy is inspecting the seal under a magnifying lamp. Buffy: Ha! Or possible ha. (to Willow) Do you think this matches? Willow is off in her own world, idly playing with her stuffed frog. Buffy: Hey! Willow: Oh! Yes. I'm caring about mummies. Buffy: Ampata's only staying two weeks. Willow: Yeah. And then Xander can find someone else who's not me to obsess about. At least with you I knew he didn't have a shot. Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life. Buffy: Good for you. Willow: Well, I didn't choose yet. Giles: (inspecting the seal) Good Lord! (to Buffy) Good work! Buffy: My work? Giles: Yes. This is most illuminating. It seems Rodney's killer might be the mummy. Willow: Where does it say that? Giles: Well, here. It implies that the mummy is capable of... feeding on the life force of a person, effectively freeze-drying them, you might say. Extraordinary. Buffy: So, then we just have to stop the mummy. Which leads to the question: how do we a) find, and b) stop the mummy? Giles: Well, the answer to that is somewhere still in here. Or in the rest of the seal. Cut outside to the bleachers. The bodyguard attacks Xander with his large knife. Ampata screams as she and Xander quickly move apart and the knife hits the seat between them. Bodyguard: You stole the seal! Where is it?! He swings again, but Xander scoots back more and then rolls down two levels of seats. The bodyguard comes at him again and tries to stab him, but Xander catches his arm and stops him. Ampata screams again. The bodyguard looks back at her and recognizes her. Bodyguard: It is you! Xander kicks him off, and he rolls down the bleachers and to the ground. Ampata grabs Xander's satchel, helps him up and they run away. Cut to the library. Giles comes out of his office with a cup of tea, and sets it on the table in front of Ampata. Giles: Here you are. Ampata: Thank you. Willow: Why's this guy so into us? I mean, what's he want? Xander: He said, 'Give me the seal.' Giles: Apparently this is more popular than we realized. I just don't know what we, we should do with it. Ampata: Destroy it. (gets a surprised look from Giles) If you do not, someone could die. Giles: I'm afraid someone already has. Ampata: You mean the man with the knife killed someone? Buffy: Uh, no. Well, not exactly. Ampata: You are not telling me everything. (looks at them all) Xander: You're right, Ampata. (takes her hand) And it's time we do. We're not an archeology club. We're in, uh... Giles interrupts by clearing his throat. Buffy gives him a stern look. Xander: We're in the crime club. Which is kinda like the chess club, only with crime, and, um... no chess. Ampata: Please understand me. That seal nearly got us killed. It must be destroyed! She gets up and runs from the library. A moment later Xander gets up and runs out after her. Xander: Ampata! Buffy and Willow look at each other a bit surprised and confused. Cut to the hall. Ampata is sitting on a bench. Xander crouches down beside her. Xander: Ampata, listen to me. Nobody's gonna hurt you. I won't let them. Ampata: Your investigation is dangerous. I do not want that. Just normal life! She gets up and goes over to the drinking fountain. Xander stands back up and follows her, but stays back and lets her drink. Willow comes out of the library. Willow: Is she okay? Xander: Wigged. I'm tryin' to convince her that our lives aren't just danger and peril around here. Willow looks over at Ampata sympathetically, then back to Xander. Willow: You should take her to the dance. Xander: That's a good idea! We'll all go! Willow: No, I mean just you. Xander: But you were psyched! And your costume! Willow: I'll see you there. Xander: You know what, Willow? You're my best friend. He goes over to Ampata. Willow: I know. (walks off) Cut to the library. Buffy: I don't get it. Why would the bodyguard have such a jones for a broken piece of rock? Giles: Well, um, perhaps... he needs to put it together with the other pieces. Buffy: If he has them. I mean, we didn't find them. Giles: And if he didn't then, then they'd still be at the museum. Buffy: So, maybe we should go there and find them. And odds are he'll show up, too, right? Giles: And hopefully we'll be ready. Buffy: Hey! Look at us! We came up with a plan. A good plan. Giles: Alright. We'll meet there tonight after it closes. Buffy: No! Bad plan. I have other plans. Dance plans. (gets a stern look from Giles) (exhales) Canceled plans. Cut to the stairs in the halls. Xander and Ampata are coming down. Xander: Okay, I have something to tell you. And it's kind of a secret, and it's, um, a little bit scary. I like you. A lot. And I want you to go to with me the dance. Ampata: (laughs) Why was that so scary? Xander: Well, because you never know if a girl's gonna say 'yes', or if... she's gonna laugh in your face and pull out your still beating heart and crush it into the ground with her heel. Ampata: Hmm. Then you are very courageous. Can I tell you a secret? Xander: Hmm. Ampata: I like you, too. Xander: Really? Ampata: Really! Xander: That's great! Really? Ampata: Really! Xander: That's great! You're not a praying mantis, are you? (gets a confused look from her) Sorry, someone else. Ampata: I will return to you. (starts away) Xander: Where're you going? Ampata: Where you cannot follow. He's confused but smiles when he sees her open the girls' restroom door. Xander: I'll wait outside. (smiles) He sits down on a bench to wait. Cut inside the restroom. Ampata touches up her lipstick. She steps back from the mirror and sees the bodyguard standing behind her. Ampata: I beg you... (turns to face him) Do not kill me. Bodyguard: You are already dead. For five hundred years. Ampata: But it was not fair. I was innocent. Bodyguard: The people you kill now so that you may live, they are innocent. Ampata: Please! I am in love! Bodyguard: You are the Chosen One. You must die. You have no choice. He takes a swing at her with his knife. She grabs his arm and twists, forcing him around and pulling him in to her. He looks up at her as she puts her arm around his neck and pulls him in for a kiss. Ampata: Yes, I do. She kisses him and he mummifies in her arms as she draws out his life force. Cut to the hall. Xander is waiting patiently. Ampata comes back out smiling, and Xander stands up. Ampata: I have thought. The dance? Xander nods expectantly. Ampata: I will go with you. Xander breaks into a big smile and laughs delightedly. Ampata: Gladly! Xander takes her by the hand, and they start walking down the hall. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Buffy's room. Ampata comes in wearing her Inca Princess costume. Ampata: Buffy, I do not have any lipstick. She sees a trunk, a large suitcase and a backpack in the room. Buffy: Oh! You can borrow one of mine. There should be some on the desk. Ampata: What is that? (indicates the trunk) Buffy: The station sent the rest of your stuff. Ampata: Oh. Of, of course. I, I forgot all about it. Uh, I will unpack it later. Buffy: No worries. I can do it. Ampata: Uh, but... you must get ready for the dance! Buffy: I'm not going. Ampata: Why not? Buffy: I have work to do. Crime club work. It's really nothing for you to worry about. (sits on her bed) Ampata: Oh, I am not worried, thanks to Xander. (goes to the desk) Buffy: He seems very happy around you. Ampata: (sits at the desk) I am happy, too. She opens a lipstick and holds it up for an opinion. Ampata: Mm, this one? Buffy: Ooo, no, that clashes. There should be a gold one in there somewhere. Ampata: Thank you. You are always thinking of others before yourself. You remind me of someone from very long ago: the Inca Princess. Buffy: Cool! A princess. She gets up from her bed and opens Ampata's backpack while Ampata tries out a lipstick. Ampata: They told her that she was the only one. That only she could defend her people from the nether world. Buffy pulls out a pair of boy's briefs and looks at them in confusion. Ampata: Out of all the girls in her generation... Buffy looks over at Ampata and sees she's about to open the top left drawer where she keeps her Slayer stuff. She rushes over. Ampata pulls open the drawer and looks in curiously. Ampata: ...she was the only one... Buffy quickly pushes the drawer closed. Buffy: ...chosen. Ampata: (looks up at Buffy) Do you know the story? Buffy: It's fairly familiar. (hands her the gold lipstick) Ampata: She was sixteen, like us. She was offered as a sacrifice and went to her death. Who knows what she had to give up to fulfill her duty to others? What chance at love? Buffy: Who knows? (goes back to Ampata's trunk) I'll just unpack the rest of your stuff for you. (lifts the lid) Ampata: No, really, let me... The doorbell rings and distracts Buffy, so she doesn't see the mummified corpse in the trunk. Buffy: Oh! She lets the lid fall back down as she gets up to get the door. Buffy: That's Xander and Willow. I'll get it. Ampata kneels down and puts the lock back on the trunk. Cut downstairs. Buffy hops down and opens the door. Xander comes in dressed as Clint Eastwood in a spaghetti western. Xander: I've come for the dance. Buffy: And, uh, what culture are you? Xander: I'm from the country of Leone. It's in Italy pretending to be Montana. (looks Buffy up and down) And where are you from? The country of White Trash? Buffy: Mm. New line-up. You and Willow are taking Ampata. Giles and I are hunting mummies. Where's you and Willow? Xander: She's not coming... with us. Buffy: Oh! On a date. Romance, lips... Xander takes off his hat when he sees Ampata appear on the stairs. She smiles down at him. Ampata: Hello, Xander. Xander: Hho hee ze thee ai uh... Buffy: I can translate American salivating boy talk. He says you're beautiful. Xander: (to Buffy) Hyav su. Buffy: You're welcome. Ampata reaches the bottom of the stairs and stands next to Xander, beaming a huge smile. Joyce comes in to have a look. Joyce: Ampata, don't you look wonderful! Oh, I wish you could talk my daughter into going with you. Ampata: I tried, but she is very stubborn. Joyce: Well, I'm glad someone else sees that. Buffy gives her mother a look and gets it right back. She turns back to Xander and Ampata, smiling. Ampata: Well, good night, then. Buffy opens the door to let them out. Xander pauses a moment. Xander: Be careful. Buffy: I will. (Xander turns to go) Hey! (he turns back) You look good. Xander gives her a smile and then leaves. Joyce comes over to the door to watch them go, too. Joyce: Look at that. Two days in America, and Ampata already seems like she belongs here. She's really fitting in. Hmm! (turns and heads up the stairs) Buffy: Yeah. How 'bout that? Cut to the Bronze. Devon and Oz's band Dingoes Ate My Baby (Four Star Mary) are playing "Shadows". Lyrics: She's in ecstasy / Her hollowed sky / Pours down heavenly / Fakes desire A group of girls enters the Bronze. Cordelia comes in behind them and stops to look around. Lyrics: I've been living here / In the red / I've been feeling I'm / Dead again She spots Willow wearing her Eskimo costume. Cordelia: Oh! Near faux pas! I almost wore the same thing. She continues on her way, leaving Willow standing there alone. Lyrics: We've been bored before Cordelia finds her friend Dawn. Cordelia: Hey! Dawn: Where's Sven? Cordelia: Ohhh, I keep trying to ditch him. He's like one of those dogs that you leave at the Grand Canyon on vacation? It follows you back across four states. (Sven finds them) See? My own speechless, human boomerang. Lyrics: I have never felt / So alone Dawn: He's kinda cute. Maybe it's nice skippin' all that small talk. Cordelia: Small talk? How 'bout simple instruction? Lyrics: Since the time we left ourselves / Half past gone Cordelia: (to Sven) Get punchy. (points at him) You! Fruit drinky! Lyrics: We've been living here / Up against the red Dawn: He can follow me. (takes Sven's hand and leads him away) Lyrics: I've been feeling I'm / Dead again / We've been bored before Xander and Ampata arrive. He takes her hand. Lyrics: We'll be bored again / We've been bored before and again Ampata looks around and sees Willow in her Eskimo outfit as Xander leads her to the dance floor. Willow is heartbroken to see them together like that. Willow: I think I should've worn something sexy. Xander spots her and leads Ampata over to her table. Willow: Wow. You guys look great. Ampata: I-I love your costume. It's, it's very authentic. Willow: Thanks. Xander: Yeah, you look, um... snug. Willow: That's what I was going for. Where's Buffy? Lyrics: She's in ecstasy / Her hollowed sky Willow looks around stiffly. She can hardly move in her outfit. Cut to the Summers house. Buffy opens the door for Giles. Giles: Thank heavens you're home. (walks in) Buffy: Yup! Not at the dance. Not with my friends. Not with a life. What are you doing here? I thought we were gonna meet at the museum to find the bodyguard. Giles: No, he's already been found. In a school restroom. Mummified. Buffy: Okay, I don't get it. Why would the mummy kill her own bodyguard? Giles: Well, I've cross-referenced, and, uh, I've looked at the pictograms anew. He was a guard alright. But it was his job to insure that the mummy didn't awaken and escape. Buffy: So, Ampata translated wrong. Giles: Perhaps. Buffy: Hold on a sec. She was wiggy about the seal from minute one. Giles: Yes, I suppose she was. Buffy: Her trunks! (runs up the stairs) Giles: I beg your pardon? Cut to Buffy's room. Giles goes through Ampata's things. Giles: It's certainly all boys' clothes. Why would a girl pack these? Buffy tears open the lock on the trunk and lifts the lid. Buffy: How 'bout this one? What kind of girl travels with a mummified corpse? And doesn't even pack a lipstick? Cut to the Bronze. The band is playing a new song, "Fate". Lyrics: Time's healing, I'm ahead / Find a reason once again / Take a moment outta time / I'll be standing back behind Cut to Xander standing by the stairs with Ampata. Xander: Do you, um... Would you like to, uh... you know... Lyrics: On a wing / So outta line Ampata: I'd love to dance. He removes his hat and poncho, takes her hand and leads her onto the dance floor. Lyrics: Mm, taken in / So outta time Willow watches longingly as they walk by her. On the dance floor Xander and Ampata touch hands and slowly intertwine their fingers. Xander smiles at her. Ampata lets go of Xander's hand and slowly moves it around his neck. Cut to the stage. Oz notices a girl in the crowd and stares intently. Oz: Hey. Devon comes over to him. Oz: That girl. Who is she? Devon thinks he means Ampata. Devon: She's an exchange student. I think she's from South America. Oz: No, not her. The Eskimo! Devon goes back to continue singing. Oz is enamored of Willow. Lyrics: Sound the season in my head Cut to Giles' car. Buffy: Come on! Can't you put your foot down? Giles: It is down. Buffy: One of these days you're gonna have to get a grownup car. Giles grinds the gears. Buffy shakes her head. Cut to the dance floor. Xander is looking deeply into Ampata's eyes as they slow dance. Lyrics: ...so outta time / All it takes is living / I want to fly Ampata leans her head onto his cheek for a moment. Lyrics: I've never known fate She pulls her head back and looks back into Xander's eyes. Lyrics: I've never known your name They move in to kiss. Lyrics: I've never known fate As they are about to meet, Ampata notices her hand begin to mummify again and pulls back. Xander looks at her in wide-eyed confusion. The song is almost over. She quickly takes her arms off of his shoulders and rushes off. Xander stares after her, thoroughly confused. Xander: Okay, at least I can rule out something I said. Lyrics: Someone take me home / Get me outta here Ampata reaches the edge of the crowd and looks round. She sees Jonathon sitting alone on the stairs. Cut to Giles' car. Buffy: I should've guessed. Remember Ampata wanted us to hide the seal? Giles: And then she wanted us to destroy it becau... Oh wait! Buffy: Uh, waiting... Giles: Well, we already know that the seal was used to contain the mummy. If breaking it freed her... Buffy: ...reassembling it will trap her. Giles: I'll go to the museum. I'll drop you off. I'll try to piece together the fragments there. Buffy: Okay, I'll still get Xander. Before he gets smoochy with Mummy Dearest. Cut to the Bronze. Xander comes off of the dance floor and stops by Willow. Xander: Have you seen Ampata? (Willow shrugs) What was that? Willow: I shrugged. Xander: Next time you should probably say 'shrug'. (walks off looking) Willow: (watches him go) Sigh. Sven and Dawn walk by in front of her. Sven: I thought this exchange student thing would be a *great* deal. But look what I got stuck with! 'Momento!' 'Punchy fruity drinky!' Is Cordelia even from this country? Cut to a back room. Ampata has led Jonathon backstage. She takes off his hat and strokes his hair and cheek. Jonathon: Your hands feel kinda... rough. More of her skin is reverting to its mummy form. She moves in for a kiss. Jonathon: Aren't you with Xander? Ampata: (whispers) Does it look like I'm with Xander? They move in to kiss. Xander calls out, looking for her. Xander: Ampata! Jonathon pulls away from her and grabs his hat. Jonathon: That's my cue to leave. He runs from the room. She stands by the window, looking out. Xander finds her. Xander: There you are. Why'd you run away? She slowly turns to face him. Ampata: Because... I do not deserve you. Xander: What, you think that you don't deserve me? (laughs) Man, I love you! She sheds a few tears and looks up at him sorrowfully. His smile fades. Xander: Are those tears of joy? Pain? Revulsion? (comes closer) Ampata: (crying) I am very happy. And very sad. Xander: Then talk to me. Let me know what's wrong. Ampata: I can't! She hugs him and cries into his shoulder. Xander: Hey, I know why you can't tell me. (pushes her away to look at her) It's a secret, right? (she nods) And if you told me, you'd have to kill me. (smiles) She doesn't think it's funny, and hugs him again, crying even harder. Xander: Oh! That was a bad joke. And the delivery was off, too. I'm sorry. (pushes her away again) I, uh... He strokes her hair and face gently. Xander: I'm sorry. They kiss gently yet tentatively. She reaches her arm around his head and pulls him closer for a harder kiss. His eyes go wide with shock and surprise as he feels his life force begin to drain. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The back room at the Bronze. Xander's life force continues to drain. Suddenly Ampata breaks off the kiss, letting Xander fall to the floor. Ampata: No! I can't. Xander is drained of strength and takes quick, short breaths. She kneels down and pulls him around, laying his head in her lap. Ampata: Xander, I'm so sorry. Cut to the museum. Giles is reading from a book while assembling the seal. Giles: 'Incan Cosmology unites the bird head with its paler twin.' (looks around for the proper piece) Um... Oh! Here. Its paler twin. He tries the fit of the piece, and it's a match. Cut to the back room at the Bronze. Ampata senses something is wrong. Ampata: The seal! She lets Xander fall to the floor and runs out of the room. Cut to Willow. Buffy finds her. Buffy: Where's Xander? Willow: He's looking for Ampata. Buffy: We need to find him. Ampata's the mummy. Willow: Oh. (absorbs the information and smiles) Good. (realizes its implication) Xander! Buffy: Where'd they go? Willow: Backstage, I think. They rush off to find Xander just as Oz comes up to them. Oz: Hey, I... (watches them go in surprise, then smiles) Who is that girl? Cut to the hall backstage. They find Xander on the floor leaning against the wall. Buffy: Are you okay? Xander: (weakly) I think so. Boy, that was some kiss! Buffy: Where's Ampata? Xander: She said something about the seal. Buffy: The seal! Giles! C'mon. They help him up. Xander: What's goin' on? Willow: He doesn't know? Buffy: We'll tell him on the way. Cut to the museum. Giles is trying to put the last pieces of the seal together. Ampata sneaks a peek in from the exhibit entryway and sees him there. She quietly makes her way over to him. Giles: There, that's it. (sniffles) Just one more piece. Ampata reaches around his shoulder from behind and pulls him up. She takes the seal from his hand and throws it to the floor, smashing it to pieces. She grabs him by the neck and lifts him onto the rim of the stone coffin. Buffy arrives. Buffy: I'll say one thing for you Incan mummies. (Ampata looks at her) You don't kiss and tell. She makes a long, high leap onto the platform and adopts a fighting stance. Ampata: Looks like you've been keeping secrets from me! (shoves Giles into the coffin) You're not a normal girl. Buffy: And you are? She does a roundhouse kick to Ampata's face and another kick to her side. She throws a punch, but Ampata is strong, too, and catches Buffy's fist and swings her around onto the rim of the coffin. She grabs Buffy's neck and tries to choke her. Buffy headbutts Ampata, making her stagger back. She tries to kick but Ampata ducks it. Buffy lunges for her, and Ampata grabs her by the shoulder and diverts her into the coffin. She closes the stone lid on the two of them. Willow comes running in as Ampata starts to leave. She grabs Willow by the neck and picks her up. Ampata: This won't hurt! Willow begins to choke. Ampata moves in to kiss her. Xander: Let her go! (calmly walks in) If you're gonna kiss anybody, it should be me. Ampata: Xander, we can be together. (looks at Willow) Just... just let me have this one. Xander: That's never gonna happen. Ampata: I must do it. I must do it now! Or it is the end for me and for us! She tries to kiss Willow again, but Xander jumps in to stop her. Xander: NO! (pulls Willow away from her) You want life? You're gonna have to take mine. Can you do that? Ampata looks into his eyes as she considers. Her skin has mummified up to her neck. Ampata: Yes! She grabs his neck and tries to pull him to her as he holds her away by her arms. Buffy kicks at the lid of the coffin and gets it open. Xander keeps holding Ampata at bay and watches as she turns back into a mummy. Buffy comes up behind Ampata and pulls her off of Xander. His grip on her arms is so tight that they are torn from their sockets. Xander is freaked out and drops them. Buffy looks at Ampata's body and drops it, too. The head breaks off of the body as it hits the floor. Buffy is grossed out. Willow just stares at what's left, then looks at Xander and comes over to him. She crouches down next to him, holding his arm and rubbing his shoulder. He looks up at her a moment, then back down at his hands. Giles is out of the coffin now, and he and Buffy collect them to go. Giles looks back briefly as they leave the exhibit. Cut to school the next day. Buffy and Xander walk along the colonnade. Xander: (exhales) I'm really the Fun-Talking Guy today, huh? Sorry. Buffy: That's okay. You don't have to talk. Xander: I just, present company excluded, I have the worst taste in women of anyone

After the seal of protection lying in her sarcophagus is broken, a mummified Incan girl in a museum exhibit is revivified when she sucks the life-force from a touring student. An unsuspecting Xander falls head over heels for the Latin beauty, Ampata, and must save Willow when his mistake threatens to cost her her life.

fd_Teen_Wolf_03x23

fd_Teen_Wolf_03x23_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] One of them is standing right behind me. That's Meredith. She's a little weird. KIRA: Where didthe Nogitsune come from? NOSHIKO: It was an internmentcamp during World War II. DARKSTILES: What happened to the woman who called out for chaos, strife and pain? I don't want that anymore. DARKSTILES: I do. (FLIES BUZZING) ALLISON: Issac! Try not to kill them. KIRA: I was just going to try to stay alive. Scott? Where are they? Lydia! Lydia! Lydia! PETER: Hold still. Don't fight it. Hold still. (GRUNTING) Almost there. (COUGHING) Isaac, you're next. I'm aware. All right? Don't fight it. Don't fight. Isaac, stay still. Got it. (COUGHING) Are they okay now? PETER: I hope so. The part that's worrisome, is that this was most likely just a distraction for what was happening to Stiles. There's really two of them now? How's that even possible? But how did the other one just take Lydia? We turned around and they were gone. So was her car. So no one notices him just kidnapping her right out of the house? Most of us were concentrated on the bizarre sight of a creature, materializing from out of the floor. Hold on. How are you so sure which Stiles is which? That's what they're trying to figure out now. Well... Medically, you seem okay. You're definitely a real person. STILES: Okay, so I'm real, but am I really me? STILES: Is she here? Yeah. Okay, let's do this. Guys, we have to do this. Do you recognize me, hmm? Stop. STILES: It's okay. I'm the one who asked her to come. You're the one who's going to get stabbed with swords. Mom, don't do this to him. It's already done. (GASPS) (GRUNTING) Look behind his ear. It worked. STILES: So, I'm actually me? More you than the Nogitsune. Can The Oni find him? Tomorrow night. It's too close to dawn now. Can they kill him? It depends on how strong he is. What about Lydia? Why would he take her? He would only take her for an advantage. You mean her power? The power of a Banshee. (VOICES ECHOING) DARKSTILES: Can you hear them? Louder than usual, isn't it? Well, that's because a lot of bad things happened down here. What are the voices telling you? Are they saying that Stiles is dying? He is, you know. He's dying. LYDIA: Then what do you need me for? You think I can tell you something? (STILES LAUGHING) DARKSTILES: Oh, I know you can. LYDIA: I'm not telling you anything! DARKSTILES: You won't have to. You'll be screaming. (MUSIC PLAYING) KIRA: How are they going to find him? And what are we supposed to do until then? Sit around and wait? Sit and learn. KIRA: You want to teach me to play a board game? Now? Scott said he saw Stiles and the Nogitsune playing the game of Go. That's a very important detail. Perhaps, even crucial. Play starts with an empty board. Black is always placed first. Then white. You place stones to create territories. And you capture your opponent's stones by completely surrounding them. KIRA: This is life and death, Mom! It isn't a game. It is to him. And he's winning. You want to save your friends? You want them to survive? Learn to play. (KNOCKS ON DOOR) Go home, Sheriff. If anything comes up about Stiles, you know I'd call you in a second. I'm not going anywhere. Well, neither am I since my shift doesn't end until dawn. You need a coffee? Aw, you're a good guy, Parrish. That's what they all said at your previous station. Though no one could tell me exactly why you left. Maybe I needed a change. I don't really know. I guess...I kind of felt drawn here. And I knew there were openings. Do you know why there were openings? The statistics don't worry me. They worry me. Well, then maybe you need to get some sleep. Go home, Sheriff. Ah, If I could just find my keys. STILES: In your coffee cup. You always drop them in your empty cup. Oh! (CHUCKLES) STILES: Hey, Dad. Is it over? Not yet. DEREK: You had a gun pointed at my head. You could've pulled the trigger. Why didn't you? Because you're not my enemy anymore, Derek. And I'm not yours. The truth is that we should be out there looking for him. Right now. Especially if he can do something like this. I'm not sure that's actually going to be necessary. Why not? Because if he can do something like this... DEREK: He's stronger than ever. Which means he'll be coming for us. STILINSKI: We got an APB out on Lydia's car. Every unit on the road is looking for her. Isn't there anything else that we could do? At this hour? No, not really. STILES: He took her for a reason, Dad. Look, If we can figure out the why, then we'll figure out the where. Okay. What would a Nogitsune need with a Banshee? STILES: I don't know, Lydia's pretty good at finding dead bodies. Maybe he needs to find a body? Scott, you know more about this than all of us. Me? You said you got the whole story from Noshiko? Yeah, but that happened during World War II. Like 70 years ago. STILES: Wait. What did you say? Noshiko told me about the internment camp... STILES: No, before that. You said, the whole story. Yeah. What is it? MEREDITH: I should tell them. They're going to want to know the story. The whole story. STILES: There's a girl at Eichen House. Her name's Meredith. I think she might be able to help. PARRISH: Sheriff, Meredith Walker. She's still there? Yeah, but they moved her to the Closed Unit. Why? They said behavioral issues. What issues? She wouldn't stop screaming. Sounds pretty quiet now. We had to send a guy down to sedate her. Trust me, this little nutjob would not stop screaming. But five mils of Haldol take her out like you wouldn't believe. (LAUGHING) What the hell? She got his keys. Anything? No scent. No tracks. Nothing. (CLICKING) Did you hear that? It sounds like... A round being chambered. (GUNSHOTS) (GRUNTING) (PANTING) Wolfsbane. Aiden. (GUNSHOTS) That's it. That's Lydia's car. The scent's strong of emotion. Fear? Anger. ALLISON: Sounds like Lydia. Let's see what else we can find. Ah, just... Just out of curiosity, do you remember the other night? ISAAC: You mean the night before last night? ALLISON: That night before you weren't you. ISAAC: Yeah. I remember. ALLISON: So that night, were you you, or were you not you? ISAAC: You mean, the night when we were us? ALLISON: Yeah. I just wanna know if... If it was actually you with me. ISAAC: Did you want it to be someone else? ALLISON: No. No. (CHUCKLES) No, of course not. ISAAC: Good. Because it was me. And I do remember it. I really remember it. (EXHALES) (BELL RINGING) COACH: Ten thousand dollars? They pulled an arrow out of my stomach. What did they do? Fill it up with diamonds? All right, fine. What... Okay. Just send me the bill. Fine! Okay, listen up kids. Today we're... You know what? Today we're going to discuss the corrupt institution of health care. Um, Coach. We have an unexpected guest. (GASPS) SCOTT: Hey! You okay? STILES: What happened? How long was I out? SCOTT: Just a couple of hours. You should sit down. STILES: Where's my Dad? SCOTT: He's at Eichen House, questioning everyone. Looking for Meredith. I promised him I wouldn't let you out of my sight. STILES: Okay, what about the others? SCOTT: Allison, Isaac, the Twins, they're all looking for Lydia. STILES: It's starting to feel like we're waiting for a ransom call. SCOTT: We'll find her. You all right? STILES: Yeah. I don't know why, I just can't seem to get warm. SCOTT: Maybe you should sit down. Take it easy. You're in pain. STILES: It's not that bad. Just more like a dull ache. SCOTT: Where? STILES: Sort of everywhere. SCOTT: Dude, you're freezing. Tell me the truth. How much does it really hurt? (PHONE VIBRATING) SCOTT: It's Kira. Hey, what's up. KIRA: She's here. In Coach's class. And you need to get here now too. Like, right now. COACH: Sweetheart. Sweetheart. Do you want to tell me which insane asylum you escaped from? Coach, insane asylum isn't proper terminology anymore. COACH: Okay. Sweetheart. What... What nuthouse did you escape from? Eichen House. COACH: Wanna tell me what you're doing so far from there? Trying to help. I can hear them. They scream. COACH: That's got to be terrifying. What, uh... Why do they scream? They scream when someone's about to die. COACH: Are they screaming right now? How many of them? All of them. (GRUNTING) Run! (GUNSHOTS) KIRA: Coach. You can't let them take her back. It's hard to explain, but if you let her go back then really, really bad things are going to happen to Lydia, to Scott and Stiles and maybe everyone, including you. So please, please don't let them take her. COACH: Who are you? KIRA: Um... I'm Kira. I'm new. COACH: Oh, hell. Finstock. Coach Bobby Finstock. This is a delightful surprise. Hmm. What is that saying? Those who can't do, teach? COACH: Yeah, that's funny. Is it Professor Finstock when you're off the field? I'm glad to see you made it pro something, Bobby. COACH: It's Coach. Coach... You know... Professors teach college. Oh, well, you let me know when you make higher education. Now, Coach, where's Meredith? COACH: She's fine. She's just sitting in my office. Find her! [SCENE_BREAK] (MUSIC PLAYING) I had a feeling, you might be down here. I needed to do something. I hate waiting. Feeling useless. Where's Isaac? He's trying to help Scott. Trying to be useful? Leave it for now, huh? I have something else you can do. Something we should've done a while ago. It's time for you to graduate. (PANTING) LYDIA: They'll find me. My friends are going to find me. (GROANS) DARKSTILES: You think so? I myself, was kind of wondering what they're doing right now. What useless leadthey're chasing. I wonder if maybe some of themhave bigger problemsto deal with right now.Are they really spending every minute looking for you? Or... Are they waiting for nightfall? Focused on some hopelessgesture to pass the time. LYDIA: What do you want? DARKSTILES: More. LYDIA: More what? DARKSTILES: The Trickster stories are all about food, Lydia. The Coyote, the Raven, the Fox. They're all hungry. I'm the same. I just crave something a little different. I eat what you feel. (WHIMPERING) DARKSTILES: And I am insatiable. (VOICES ECHOING) I can hear you. But I can't understand. Just a little louder, please. (ELECTRIC CRACKLE) Let's go, sweetheart. As you know, I'm not averse to using the tools of my trade. As often as necessary. I just... I need another second, okay? They're trying to tell me something. Meredith. Please. They're trying to tell me something. COACH: This school has a very strict no bullying policy. (GRUNTING) COACH: Well? Get her outta here. You little piece of... (SCREAMING) COACH: We also frown on cursing. I'll call you. STILES: Okay. Where's Lydia? Who's Lydia? ARGENT: Remember, you can start over. I was a bit of a perfectionist about it, myself. I always wanted the seal to look just right. ALLISON: How many did you make? ARGENT: Six. But I used them all. Only at close range, though. Despite some other legends, silver's not really as accurate as lead. ALLISON: Dad, wait. I think I should use my own mold. ARGENT: You have a bullet mold? ALLISON: No, not a bullet. An arrowhead. The bow is my weapon. So, I should make a silver arrowhead. Dad... If something happens... ARGENT: Hey, hey. You don't need to worry about me. ALLISON: Well, yeah. I didn't get to say anything to Mom. ARGENT: You didn't need to say anything. And I'm going to be around a long time. I promise. ALLISON: Well, then take it as a reminder. Maybe you don't need to hear it, but I need to know that I said it. I love you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of us. (CHUCKLES) What are you doing here? I could ask you the same thing. Free period. We're doing group study. Who's she? She's my girlfriend. You're not my type. Well, obviously we have a lot to talk about. We should maybe take this upstairs. He's my type. Okay. Isaac, you can come too. Uh... SCOTT: Hey, Dad, I'll explain all of this later. I don't care that you're not in school. I know your grades are fine. All I want to do is talk. SCOTT: Now's really not a good time. Scott. We need to talk. Lydia? You mean the red-haired girl. STILES: Yes! Yes! Good. Progress. Now, all you got to do is tell us where she is. MEREDITH: Okay. Okay. If she tells me. If she tells you? Can you ask her? I already did. Perfect. Perfect. What did she say? She said she doesn't want to be found. That's good too. Okay. SCOTT: Dad, can't we do this tomorrow? That's actually something I've been saying for a long time. Come here. You see this? This indent in the floor... That was from your head. The night before I moved out your mother and I were fighting. You came out of your room. I grabbed you by the wrist. You pulled back. And you fell. We watched you tumble down those stairs. You were out for probably 20 seconds. When you came to, you didn't remember a thing. Your mom told me to be out by the morning. That was the last time I ever had a drink. And that's why I left. (COUGHING) Where are we? DEREK: It's a coyote den. Stay quiet. Did you see the shooter? You know who it is? DEREK: No, I was a little busy. Who else did you two piss off? We pissed off everyone. It was only a matter of time before someone caught up to us. DEREK: Well, the bullets had Wolfsbane in them. So, if I don't get you two out of here soon, the poison is going to spread. Stay quiet. I'll be back. I'm just saying. STILES: Isaac, we're not going to torture her. ISAAC: I meant scare her. STILES: We're not going to psychologically torture her either. ISAAC: Fine. How about this? You said she hears things, right? Yeah. Doesn't that mean she's like Lydia? A Banshee? SCOTT: Okay, Dad. Let me show you something. See the edge of this window sill. When I got my first skateboard I slid right into it. Broke my collarbone. This used to be glass. Until I fell on top of it trying to catch a lacrosse ball from Stiles.I got three stitches in my cheek. This house is full of accidents. The stairs? Maybe it was an accident. Maybe it was worse. But I healed. I don't need your apology. So... See you at graduation. Or whenever you decide to show up again. STILES: Okay, just try to focus on the sounds around you. ISAAC: On what you're hearing. STILES: Just focus on the silence. ISAAC: Listen to the silence. STILES: Focusing on the silence. ISAAC: Listening to the... STILES: Okay, will you just let me handle this, Isaac. Please? I just... I have more experience with Banshees. ISAAC: Yeah. And mental patients. Isn't anyone going to get that? Get what? The phone. What phone? The phone. STILES: Oh, the phone. My phone? Yes. Hello. Yes, she's actually sitting right here. It's for you. They say Coup de foudre. (SPEAKING FRENCH) STILES: Coup de what? What is that Spanish? SCOTT: French. It's French. I don't know where she is. But I do know she's trying to keep you out of this for as long as possible. Well, she should've thought of that before she had me magically rebuild a samurai sword. I know a lot of this is going to be very strange for you. You're going to need to learn a lot very quickly, Kira. Yeah. Like board games? In Korea we call it Baduk. There are different styles of play. Aggressive. Passive. Orthodox. Can you tell who's who? I know you're black. The novice player always goes first. KIRA: The white's the Nogitsune. But these stones are placed in your mother's style. Aggressive. Yeah, but she put them down to represent the Nogitsune. Are you sure about that? What am I missing? (PHONE VIBRATING) Scott? SCOTT: We know where Lydia is. (GRUNTING) I found these on the ground. ARGENT: This wasn't Araya, was it? I don't think so. They don't look like her shells. That's not possible. (PHONE VIBRATING) Allison? They found her. Scott found her, Dad. They found Lydia. I'm on my way. Allison, hold on. You have to wait. ALLISON:I can't, Dad. ARGENT: Allison, wait for me... ALLISON:There's no time. It's all ready night. There's no time, Dad. ARGENT: Wait, Allison, wait! Hey, you okay? Yeah. Yeah. You don't have to worry about me. ISAAC: All right, I'll say it. You look like you're dying. You're pale, thin and you look like you're getting worse.And we're all sitting here thinking it. When we find the other you, is he gonna look like he's getting better? What happens if he gets hurt? STILES: You mean if he dies, do I die? I don't care. Just so long as no else dies because of me. I remember everything I did, Scott. I remember pushing that sword into you. I remember twisting it. SCOTT: It wasn't you. STILES: Yeah, but I remember it. You guys gotta promise me. You can't let anyone else get hurt because of me. LYDIA: You're nervous, aren't you? You know they're coming. You know they're going to kill you. DARKSTILES: Well, that's exactly why I'm keeping you so close. SCOTT: We've done this before, guys. A couple of weeks ago we were standing around just like this and we saved Malia, remember? That was a total stranger. This is Lydia. ALLISON: I'm here to save my best friend. SCOTT: I came to save mine. ISAAC: I just didn't feel like doing any homework. Kira, turn around and go home. Take your friends with you. KIRA: I can't. When I looked at the game I realized who I was actually playing. You. She's here. This way. Call them off. You think you could take him alive? You think you can save him? What if we can? I tried something like it 70 years ago. Your friend is gone. Are you sure? Or if Stiles doesn't have to die. Maybe Rhys didn't have to die either? I see I'm no longer the Fox now, Kira. You are. But the Nogitsune is still my demon to bury. (PANTING) LYDIA: They're here. And I don't need to scream to know that they're going to kill you. DARKSTILES: Good. Because that's exactly why I brought you. I needed to know when they'd be close enough. When my own death was closing in. (SCREECHING) DARKSTILES: 'Cause only when they're close, can I do this... KIRA: Mom? What is that? What does that mean? DARKSTILES: It means there's been a change in ownership. Now they belong to me. (SHOUTING) (GROWLING) Lydia? Are you all right? LYDIA: No. No, no, no. Why are you here? Lydia, we're here for you. LYDIA: You weren't supposed to be here. You didn't get my message? Lydia, what's happening? LYDIA: Who else is here? Who came with you? Who else is here? How do we stop them? You can't! STILES: Lydia... Lydia, I can't... I can't... Allison! SCOTT: Allison. ALLISON: Did you find her?Is she okay? Is Lydia safe? SCOTT: She's okay. Yeah. I can't. I can't take your pain. ALLISON: It's because it doesn't hurt. SCOTT: No. ALLISON: It's okay. SCOTT: Allison. (SOBBING) It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. ALLISON: It's perfect. I'm in the arms of my first love. The first person I ever loved. The person I'll always love. I love you. Scott. Scott McCall. SCOTT: Don't, please, don't. Allison don't, please. ALLISON: You have to tell my dad. And you have to tell my dad. Tell him. (STUTTERING) No! (SOBBING) (RIP ALLISON)

While searching for Lydia in the woods, Aiden and Ethan are shot at by an unknown shooter with wolfsbane bullets, and are saved by Derek. Kira's mother tries to teach her the board game that Stiles was playing with the Nogitsune. Later, Kira's father discovers that the Nogitsune and Kira's mother play the game the same way. Lydia is taken to the internment camp by the Nogitsune; the group arrive and find Kira's mother and the Oni, who plans to kill the Nogitsune. The Nogitsune takes possession over the Oni and has them face off against Kira, Allison, and Isaac, while Scott and Stiles find Lydia and are shocked when she asks why they came when she told them not to. Allison manages to kill one of the Oni and is stabbed by another. Allison professes her love to Scott and dies in his arms.

fd_Queer_As_Folk_03x04

fd_Queer_As_Folk_03x04_0

[A bizarre Show. All male actors in black suits are at the stage - together. A moderator calls their names - and they walk up in front.] Moderator: And our next contestant - Michael Novotny! [Audience cheers.] Moderator: And here comes Ted Schmidt! A new entry - Justin Taylor! The favourite Brian Kinney! A real crowd breezer Emmett Honeycut! And let's hear it for Ben Bruckner! [he opens the envelope] And the winner is... Brian Kinney! [All boys claps with their hands. Cut to Mel - she's scream. We're in Mel's bedroom.] Lindsay: What is it? Mel: Oh, I had that dream. Again. Lindsy: Mr.Sperm donor pageant? Who won this time? Mel: Guess! Lindsay: Maybe it's some kind of sign. Mel: I've already told you I want someone else. Lindsay: But we agreed it's important that our kids has the same parent. Mel: I didn't agree to the same asshole. Lindsay: I need my sleep. Mel: Look, I know how much it means to you - you always has, you always will - it doesn't seem the same to me. [Cut to Brian's office. Brian holds up a potato chip.] Vance: "To eat or not to eat". Brian: Try one. One's not wanna kill you. [He tastet some - soon he eats he screams for water.] Vance: Water! Jesus! You've said it wasn't gonna kill me what the hell are in those things? Brian: Chilly powder, tobasco, peppers, a touch of sulfuric acid for the extra little kick. Meet our news account. "Hot Potato" Vance: How we can make those sexy? [Brian show Vance his idea.] Vance: Hehe, "Hotter than your date, last saturday night." Cynthia: I'm sorry Brian, but she insisted. Claire: Brian, I need to talk to you. The school just called. Peter broke his arm in soccer practise. Brian: Gardner? My sister Claire. Vance: Sounds like you have a family crisis. I'll leave you. My pleasure. Claire: I have to get to the emergency room right away. Brian: Then what are you doin' here? Claire: Can you help me? Can you look after John? Brian: In case you haven't noticed, but I'm workin'. Claire: Well, I don't know what else to do with him. Brian: Stick him in a look at the bus station. You have hear of a sitter? Claire: I can't find someone in the middle of the day. Brian: Leave him with mom. Claire: Mom's indisposed. Brian: She passed out drunk again. Claire: Brian please - I don't have time for this. Brian: How long have you been? Claire: I don't know, but I call as soon as I'm know. [to John] OK, you behave yourself, do you hear me? [Claire leaves, John plays with Nintendo and Brian's edgy.] John: You still a fag? Brian: Here... [he points to "Hot Potatos"] have one. Have two. [And John grabs a handful. Brian smirks.] [Cut to Mel and Lindz at the diner, ticking the guys' names off a list.] Lindsay: [looking to Justin and talks to Mel] Look at the bone construction. Those adorable ears and he's incredible talented. Mel: He's only 19. Lindsay: Isn't this a plus? Fresh young sperm. Mel: To me he's still a baby and I won't have a baby with a baby. [Lindsay took his name off the list.] Lindsay: Ben's brilliant. Mel: I'll say he's perfect except for one thing... Lindsay: Right. There is always Ted. Mel: Our good reliable Teddy. [Took his name off the list.] Lindsay: Emmett? [Mel looks straight to Linds and she's took his name off the list. Brian has brough his little monster to the diner.] John: What is this place? Brian: It's called the diner. Ted: Hey Bri, you brough yourself a new boyfriend? Emmett: He's even younger than the last one. [Emmett laughs - Justin's not amused.] John: God, I hope nobody sees me. Brian: Sit down and shut up. Debbie: Who's the cutie? Brian: It's the spawn of Satan of my sister. Debbie: I can recognize family resemblance. Brian: Both sides. John: [to Brian] Is she a drag queen? Debbie: So, what can I get ya, honey? John: I'm not eating anything in here! Brian: Bring him a burger with an extra ground glass. Justin: Hey. Brian: Hey. John: I wanna go arcade in the mall. I go there every day after school. [Justin hear's that sentence.] Brian: Does your mama know? John: She thinks I'm in the choir practise. I bet you like that. Michael: What are you doin' with your nephew? Brian: I'm brat-siting. Michael: Hey John, I'm Brian's best friend. You remember me? John: Nah. Michael: Why don't you bring him at the store? I have a comicbook - it's just down the street. John: You got the new Vengers? Michael: I got everything. Why you don't drop by and check it out? I give free samples. John: Can we, uncle Bri'? Brian: All the sudden we're related? Lindsay: Isn't that sweet of Michael? Mel: Yeah, he's a real mensch. [they look at each other and knows.] Mel: ...any wouldn't give us any trouble. [At the comic store.] John: Can I have the spiderman, too? Michael: Hmm. Brian: Don't be so f*cking greek. Don't give him your shitload. Michael: It's yours. Brian: What do you say? John: Thanks Mike. Brian: Don't you want a kid? Ben: Actually I give up a serious though because the studies show that two men can raise a child... Brian: Psst, I mean this one. C'mon! John: I don't wanna go! Brian: We all have to go sometimes. [They leave the shop.] Ben: You were great with him. You know that? Michael: Kid's love me - don't ask me why. Ben: I don't have to. [Michael touch Ben's breast.] Michael: God, your hard. Ben: Yeah, you too. Customer: You have the new Superman? Michael: You look at him. It's right over there. Those workouts have been paying off. I'll see you at dinner. Ben: I thought I'd hit the gym tonight, plan some extra time on my stomach. Michael: I though we made plans. Ben: So I'll change them. It isn't a problem, is it? Michael: No. It's not a problem. [Cut to Ted's apartment. Both eating.] Emmett: You're a wonder. Ted: I am? Emmett: I've knew you 5 or 6 years and had no idea you cook. Ted: It's because I never had someone to cook for. Now that I do you want believe the delighted I planned. Emmett: Well, I can't hardly wait for desert. Ted: Just a minute - I just want to clear up. Emmett: Everything's already cleaned. It's practically spotless. Ted: Well, you know me - I can't relax since everything is in order. Emmett: Yeah, when I cook the kitchen looks like hurricaned. Ted: This is so nice - I wish you didn't have to go. Emmett: Who's goin' anywhere? Ted: I mean, it's so inconvenient that you run back and forth to your place. Emmett: Well sometimes someone needs to wear new undies. Ted: Yeah, but wouldn't it be more practical if the undies came to you instead of you coming to the undies? Emmett: OK, are you saying...? Ted: I want you to move in. Emmett: You mean...? Ted: Live together. Check up. Emmett: Check Up. I love to hear that words. But don't you think it's too soon? Ted: Yeah, you probably right. We're knowing each other - how long? - 5,6 years. We're should wait at least another five more. Emmett: You know what I mean. Loving and living together are two different things. What if we drive the other crazy? Ted: Don't know at least we try. You know what I mean. Emmett: As long as I wouldn't be in the way... T: How could you ever be in the way? [At Melanie and Lindsay's, Michael is showing off his daddy skills with Gus.] Lindsay: You know, you really good with kids. Mel: Gus adores you. Lindsay: It's because you had a good heart. Michael: That what my ma' always tell me. She says, "Michael, you have a good heart." You know what happens to a good heart? I think she's secretly wishes I'm more like Brian. Mel: With no heart? There are no more qualities a person can have is a kind and loving nature. Lindsay: I agree. It's defnately we intend to give it to Gus. Mel: And something our second child should have as well. Michael: You having another kid? Mel: Hmm-hmm. Michael: Hey Gus, make another happy face - your having a baby brother or baby sister. Mel: And this time I'm going to carry. Michael: No sh1t? [looks to Gus] Sorry. That's great. Lindsay: Which is why we ask you to stop by. Michael: Why? You want me to baby sit? It's really early, isn't it? Mel: We would like you to be the father. [Michael freezes.] Michael: Me? Mel: Yeah. [Michael and Ben discuss the prospect back at their apartment.] Ben: I think it's great. Michael: You do? Ben: To be a father and get a child? Hoping Mel and Lindsay create a family. Michael: But it's a big responsibility bringing a human being into the world. And I dunno if I'm be the old man. [As Michael speeks an ampoule falls out of Ben's trousers. Quickly he get the drugs. Michael didn't notived this.] Ben: You are more ready than you think. You want to shower? Michael: It's exciting, isn't it? What if I'm f*ck it up? Ben: How could you f*ck it up? All you have to do, Michael is, to suply sperm. [They got in the shower and have hot s*x.] [At the loft, Brian taking a shower. John is taking the opportunity to snoop through Brian's p0rn videos and s*x toys. He pockets the cowrie shell bracelet and takes the cash out of Brian's wallet. Brian catches him pocketing the cash.] Brian: Put it back! Is said put it back in the f*cking wallet, now! John: What for? You've got more money than you know what to do with! Brian: Who told you that? Your mother? John: She said you were a selfish son of a bitch who never gave anyone in the family a red cent! Brian: Yeah, I wonder why? Now, hand over. [He don't. He runs away. Brian catches him and grabs the money out of his pocket.] John: You f*cking faggot, you and your friends are goin' to hell. Brian: Yeah? Who told you that? Granny? John: You touched my dick! Brian: You little sh1t! John: Let me go, buttfucker! Asshole, let me go! [Brian picks him up and carries him to the bathroom, where he ducks his head into the toilet and flushes a few times.] Brian: That'll teach you to f*ck with faggots! John: You gonna be sorry. You gonna be so sorry. [Emmett and Ted don't waste any time. Emmett's moving in already. Michael, Ted, Emmett and Brian stand around watching the hunky moving guys.] Michael: Where did you find the hunky moving man? Ted: Under "Hunking moving man" in the gay yellow pages. They Liberty Avenue top movers. Brian: That one is a bottom - trust me. Michael: So talking wet dreams. Brian: Don't you too turned on. Safe your cum to screw Melanie's twat. Ted: Our little Mikey, seiring off-spring. Emmett: That this mean you two are related? Brian: Yeah, lesbian want to move. Emmett: It's exciting to have a kid in the world. Michael: Your nephew looks like you. Brian: I can hold him back to rip me off. Emmett: Um, they said moving out is such mature. Brian: I give you two lovebirds 24 hours. [Brian and one of the movers check each other out.] Brian: Ups. [At the diner, Debbie is broadcasting the good news.] Debbie: Stuff tomato. I'm gonna be a grandma! [another desk] Pott-pie. I'm gonna be a grandma! [another desk] Cheese. I'm gonna be a grandma! Michael: Would someone please make her stop? Vic: Let her glow a little. She never in her wildest dreams though she gonna be a grandma. Debbie: And here he is - big daddy! Michael: Your a little pre-mature. Could you wait for at least conception? Debbie: So when do you make your first deposit? Michael: We haven't discussed it. Debbie: Well those things don't happen by magic. They take planing and preparation. What kinda shorts you wearing? Michael: It's none of your business! Debbie: Make sure they not too tight. The tightens constrict your balls. They gonna heat up and all your little soldiers are destimated. And cut back on the s*x - you got safe your sperm. Ben: You know, I hit the gym. See you later. Debbie: Bye honey. Vic: Let me out, sis. Debbie: Where you want? Vic: To get Mikey my big shorts. [Outside the diner. Ben heads out and Vic catches up with him.] Vic: Ben. You mind if I walk with ya? Ben: No. Vic: Too much baby talk. I never wanted kids myself. Ben: I did. Of course, that's not gonna happen now. Vic: One of the ways we're not like them anymore Ben: I try not to think about it. Some days I even succeed. Vic: I know what you mean. But then something happens to remind me - a touch of the flu, someone donating sperm, a lover who dies. Ben: Vic - I'll seeya later. [Ben can't get away from Vic fast enough. ] [Brian brings Hunky Moving Guy back to the loft - actually he doesn't wait till they get all the way to the loft; he f*cks the guy in the elevator. The elevator door swings open and a cop is standing at Brian's door.] Cop: Brian Kinney? Man: Who's that? Brian: Whop, you caught me. Where we meet? Uniform Night at Babylon? Cop: I'm officier Handley, Pittsburgh Police. Brian: Christ, your for real. Cop: You need to come with me to the headquarter, Mr.Kinney. [Melanie, Lindsay and Michael in a cocktail bar.] Lindsay: You sure you wanna do this? Michael: Ben and I were up to talking about it. I think he's almost excited about it as I am. Melanie: And you understand what's required? And all you have to do is to sign this. Michael: "The donor agrees... no parental rights..." What's all this? Melanie: It's just a formalety. Michael: Detection from what? Melanie: As you can see, Section 2, paragraph 4, it releaves you for any financial responsibilies onces and forever. Michael: Well that is a relieve not to see my kid. Lindsay: You'll see the baby, Michael. Michael: Sure, you can explain her, when she's told enough, that I'm be the doner. Melanie: That is what it's about. Michael: I must heard you wrong, because I swear you said you wanted me to be the father. Mel: After what happened with Brian not wanting to give up his parental rights, I'm sure you understand - Michael: Yeah, and I'm beginning to understand how he must have felt! I sure as hell understand how a kid feels not having a dad because I didn't have one! When you have to do this then go ahead. You have to do what's right for you. So do I. [he stands up and leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Justin is at Debbie's and she's giving him her ugly household tchochkes.] Debbie: Always finish your meals with a smile. And here [a t-shirt with jesus] Useful and decorative. I know he's jevish, so tell him to ignore Jesus on the cross. And this is my favourite [a porcelan cat] it's fixed all those years...it's remind whereever you are - I'm always there and looking out for ya. Justin: Are you sure you don't want them? Debbie: Well there are family areloons but you boys need things, so I'm passing it on you and Ethan for save keeping. [Someone knocking at the door. Vic get it. It's Carl Horvath.] Carl: Hi Vic. Vic: Detective Horvath. Sis, your dick's here. Debbie: Hey! Carl: Hey honey. Debbie: Hey your sweet meat. Vic: Heterosexual - you see Justin there not that different from us. Debbie: I though we want to meet tomorrow night. Carl: We are, but there is something I though you should know. One for your lost boys are in trouble. Debbie: Which one? Carl: Kinney. Justin: Brian? Something happened to Brian? Carl: It seems that his twelve year old nephew is accused him of molesting him. Debbie: Holy sh1t. Justin: That's bullshit. There's NO WAY Brian would ever do anything like that. Vic: Has he be arrested? Carl: So far they just questing him. Debbie: Brian maybe do a lot of things and I'm the first one to say so, but he's no child molested. [Hurricane Emmett is frying up a mess of Aunt Lulu's fried chicken for dinner. Ted comes home after a long, hard day to find the place turned upside down.] Emmett: Welcome home, honey. How was work? Ted: Uh, the usual. Orgy, gang-rape. Emmett: You must be exausted. Ted: Yeah, keep giving those website members high quality entertainment they deserve. What's all this? Emmett: My Aunt Lulu's fried chicken. Ted: I'll go and wash my hands. Emmett: Oh by the way, I hang up a few things to dry. Te: I see. Emmett: Why you sit down and put your feed up, honey? I'll be ready in a minute. Ted: What happen to the living room? Emmet: Oh, I re-decorated. Do you like it? Ted: It really give the room a flow. Um, my nail. Emmett: What's it, Teddy? Ted: Um, there was a nail there. Emmett: What? That rusty old thing? Ted: Yeah, where is it? Emmett: While I re-decorated it falls down the floor. You know how danger it is if you barefeet? Ted: What did you do with it? Emmett: Drew it out. It's just an old nail. Ted: It's not just an old nail. It's Pavarotti's nail. On every performance he a bent nail from the backstage for good luck. Everybody knows that. For the night he is in town for Pittsburgh opera he found that nail, picked it up, kissed it, threw over the shoulder and I picked it up. It's my good luck charm since ever. Now it's just gone? Emmett: I didn't know. [He turns out the music.] Emmett: I'm sorry. Ted: You had no right touching it. You had no right to touch anything. I would appreciated if you put everthing back the way you found it and that includes removing your dripping shorts from my bathroom! Emmett: Your bathroom? I'm sorry, I thought it was our bathroom. I though this was our place - apparently not! Well, like you said we're find out sooner or later if we can live together - better we found out sooner. [With that he leaves.] [Michael and Brian are leaving the police station.] Michael: He told them, you made him suck your cock?! Brian: That's what he told my c**t sister. That what's my c**t sister told the cop. Michael: And I'll give that asshole free comics! They don't believe him, do they? Brian: Listen up, Michael - are you listening? Michael: I'm listening. Brian: They're heterosexuals. They believe all perverts want one thing to get our hands on some sweet piece of little boy-meat. Michael: So all he has to do is to accused you and they automatically believe him? Brian: For now I use the money I'm spare with my Botox trip for some goddamn 300-an-hour-lawyer. Michael: They aren't gonna arested you, are they? Brian: How do I know? Michael: sh1t, you gonna be go to prison! Brian: Don't worked up. Michael: They can't come to take you away. Brian: I don't attend to. [Brian heads right over to Claire's house and practically bangs the door down.] Brian: Open the door. Claire: Go away, or I call the police, your son-of-a-bitch! Brian: Listen, open that f*cking door! Where is he? Claire: Get out here, Brian! Brian: John! Get your ass down here, you little f*ck! Claire: You think I gonna let you near him, your sick pervert? Brian: You think I actually molested your son? Maybe you would ask me BEFORE you called the cop. Claire: Why should I and why would you make it up? Brian: Because your kid is a twisted fag hating liar, Claire. That's why. Where'd he learn that from? Oh, and the mom stage left. Joanie: You have a hell of a nerve showing your face here. Brian: Nice to see you, too. What? Don't I get a kiss? Joanie: Stay away from me. Brian: Don't worry, you're not my type. Claire: God knows what permanently damage you've done to him? Joanie: You ought to be locked up. Put away? [Brian bump against her Whisky glass.] Brian: Thanks old sport, have another. Claire: If I had anything to say, you will be...? Joanie: How could you? Brian: How could I what? Let little Johnny suck my dick? I'M GONNA FIND YOU, YOU SACK OF sh1t AND THIS TIME YOU WON'T COMING UP! Claire: You hear that mother - he just threatened him. We're calling the police. Brian: Go ahead, sis. Tell him I'm a great monster and godless fag, right mom? Joanie: You think you gaining a reaction from me? You're not. However I will say knowing the kind of life you live, the type of people you associate with, I'm not surprised. It's what happens when you turn your back on the Lord. Brian: f*ck the lord and f*ck you! [He leaves.] [Michael's back in his flat.] Michael: I told my mom not to get her hopes up and she go and tell everybody... I know how disappointed she is and mope for days. Ben: You know her. Michael: Yeah. Ben: If it's any consolation I'm disappointed too. I was looking for to be Uncle Ben. Michael: I loke the rise. Ben: It's the closest to be a dad. Michael: I didn't know you want to be one. Ben: It was always I though... [Somebody is trying to get in the apartment.] Michael: sh1t, there is anybody in the apartment. [They look in the living room.] Jesus Em, what's goin' on?! What your doin' back? Emmett: Brian was right. It's a good thing I saved the boxes. [Babylon. Ted stands alone at the stair. Brian appears.] Brian: Hey, where is your wife? Ted: Congratulations. I hope you're happy. Brian: What I feel is a over-whelming disgusted seeing two pathetic fags trying to turn themselves into something even more pathetic - two happily married heterosexuals. Ted: This has nothing to do with that! It's got to do with what us lower life forms generally refer to as love. Because you can't comperehent with that it doesn't mean that we condemt to live our lifes so. Brian: Wow, that was very politic for a former accoundant. I'm sure we find a dream that satisfice your existence. But until then why you have a trick? Ted: f*ck you off! Brian: [look at a boy] What a good idea! [He goes in the backroom.] Brian: [on the second though] Your too young for me. Boy: That's not what I've heard. [Justin tracks down John at the video arcade.] John: Yeah m*therf*cker, die! Justin: How was choir practise? John: Who are you? Justin: A friend of your Uncle's. John: Another fag. Get away from me. Or I call the police. Justin: What you gonna tell him? That I made you suck me off too? John: What do you want? Justin: I want the truth. John: I already told the truth. He offered me money, but I didn't do it. Do you offered you money, too? Justin: He didn't have to. I would have paid him! If you don't admit that your lying you made all of this up Brian could have jailed. John: Good, I hope he god rape by black guys. Justin: Your mother must be so proud of you. John: What the f*ck are you doin'? Get your hands off me! Justin: It's a cool bracelett. [With that he leaves. He has all the proof he needs.] [Mel and Lindz goin' down the street.] Lindsay: Maybe the terms of the agreement were a bit harsh. Mel: I was always trying to protect us. Lindsay: But Michael's don't Brian. That's why we choose him in a first place. Mel: I've said we got Genius from the sperm bank. It got's easier. Lindsay: Are you kidding? Say the dad is just a number? Mel: I not had repeat what we goin' through with Brian. Lindsay: I just said Michael's not Brian! Aren't you listening to me? Mel: Baby, the entire street listening to you. Lindsay: It's not about Michael or who the father will be. It's about trust. Trusting to faith. Trusting to god. That something will be allright. If we accept that maybe we have a baby? Maybe we should stop right now. [John comes home to find Horvath, Justin and Debbie waiting for him.] John: What's up? Debbie: How about you telling us? Carl: Let me handle this, Debbie. Detective Carl Horvath, Pittsburgh PD. Understand you have some aleligation recenly regarding your Uncle, Brian Kinney. John: He made me do things to. Carl: It's a pretty serious charge, if it's true. John: I'm not lying. Carl: He said you made it up because he found you stealing money from his wallet. John: He's a liar. Carl: You also took a bracelet with shells. John: I don't have any stupid bracelet. Justin: I've saw you wearing it today in the Arcade. John: Why should anyone believe you? Claire: John, is that the bracelet you had on this morning at breakfast? John: [whispers] Mom, would you shut up? Claire: You've said you got it in the mall. John: I brough it in my allowence at the store accross the pet shop. Carl: See the bracelett, son. John: I don't have it - it lost. Claire: Show it to him! [he gives it to Det.Horvath.] Justin: Brian got it in Mexico. His initials are carves on one of the shells. Claire: I want the truth, John! You tell me the truth! Do Brian really do what you said he did? John: He is a fag. Like you've said, just a goddamn fag. Debbie: Shame on you. [John runs away.] Debbie: [to Claire] But most of all, shame on you! [Carl give the bracelett to Justin. They all leave.] [At the comic book store.] Michael: [to a customer] And here is Hulk from 1988 - it's a really cool episode with Volvoen. [The boy reads some other comic. Mel and Lindsay are coming in.] Lindsay: We hope we're coming in bad time. Michael: Nah, I just advising a collector. It's actually one of my best costumers. Mel: We won't stay too long. Michael, about our agreement... Michael: Look, I already told you... Lindsay: We know. That's why we decided to amend some of the points. [Melanie tears up the agreement.] Mel: We decided to fulfill your function - you are here the baby as the father. Lindsay: So, what do you say, dad? [They hug each other.] [In Woody's. Emmett are at the bar. Ted appears.] Ted: Might if I had a drink? Emmett: We're at Woody's, not at Emmett's. Ted: Great jin-tonic. Em... Emmett: Save your breath. It's quite obvious we're not living together. Ted: Look, I'm sorry that I'm got upset. Emmett: Upset? Tried molested. Ted: I just kind of finicky. Emmett: Finicky is when you turned your nose in the bisquits. It's your place. In the future, don't ask someone to move in. Ted: After you left I walked up and down the Liberty Avenue and see in the diner the last weeks Pittsburg Outs. Have you seen it? Emmett: Is the headline "Twinkie boyfriend goes beserk"? Ted: Actually there is a interesting letter. Dear abs. Emmett: Don't tell me you read that silly queen. Ted: Go on. Emmett: "Dear Abs, my boyfriend just moved in with me and he's taking over. He even moved the lube with the right side of the bed. Help. Out of lost." So? Ted: Now his answer. Emmett: "Dear adder, get a new place that both of yours unless you want to jerk-off alone." Ted: It must be a reason I read that ad this morning. I don't want loose you, Em, but there is no way we gonna live together in my place. Emmett: Yesterdays news. Ted: So I suggest we take "Dear Abs" advice and get our place. A place to both of ours. In fact I was thinking of a house. Emmett: A house? Ted: With the backyard, rooms for you to decorate. It's the best suggest one make me. so, what do you say? Emmett: I say those are the most romantic words that I've ever heard. [In the house with Michael.] Ben: You counting your family days until Christmas? Michael: That's Melanie's fertility cycle. Ben: And what a perfect spot for - right beside our bed. Michael: It's to remind me when we can do it and when we can't. Now when I'm gonna be a father I had a extra special responsibility. Tonight it looks good... You up for it? Ben: Yeah, as soon as I back from the gym. Michael: Wait, you goin' in the gym again? But don't be late. Ben: And miss my one week oportunity? [We see Ben in the bathroom injecting steroids.] [In front of Brian's loft. Justin returns Brian's bracelet.] Justin: I believe this belongs to you. Brian: Thanks. Justin: Anytime. Here. [He fastens it around Brian's wrist.] Brian: Shouldn't you be getting back to your boyfriend? Justin: Yeah. [They gaze into each other's eyes for a long, delicious moment. Then Justin walks away, leaving Brian leaning pensively in the doorway for a few minutes before he turns away and walks back into the loft, leaving the door wide open.] Music: The Sound of Violence - from Cassius

Lindsay and Melanie ask Michael to father their second child. Brian's accused of molesting his nephew. Ted loves having Emmett in his heart - his condo's another story.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_01x07

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_01x07_0

-[Real World]- (Graham is playing darts at Granny's diner. He throws two darts and hits the deer both times. Ruby is waiting tables and Sidney is sitting in one of the booths.) Sidney: Nice shot, chief. I bet you twenty bucks you can't do it again. (Graham throws another dart and hits the deer again.) Graham: Next round's on him. (Emma enters through another door.) Ruby: Emma! What can I get you? Emma: Nothing. (Emma walks towards the diner's exit. Graham throws a dart in her direction, which lands right next to her head.) Emma: What the hell? You could've hit me! Graham: I never miss. You've been avoiding me since last night, when you saw me- Emma: Leaving the Mayor? And yes, that is a euphemism. I'm not avoiding you, Graham, I just have no interest in having this conversation. It's your life - I really don't care. (Emma leaves the diner and Graham follows her outside.) Graham: If you don't care, then why are you so upset? Emma: I'm not upset. Graham: If that were true, you'd be at the bar with me, having a drink, and not running away. Emma: It's none of my business. Really. Graham: Look, can we please talk about this? I need you to understand. Emma: Why? Graham: I don't know. Maybe so I can understand? Emma: You need an analysis, go talk to Archie. Graham: I want to talk to you. Emma: Well, your bad judgment is your problem - not mine. Graham: You don't know what it's like with her. I don't feel anything! Can you understand that? Emma: Bad relationship? Yeah, I understand a bad relationship. I just don't want to talk about yours. Graham: Look, I know you and Regina have your own issues and... And I should have told you about that before you took the job. Emma: Yeah, why the secrecy? We're all adults. You can do whatever you want. Graham: Because I... I didn't want you to look at me the way you are now. Emma: Why do you care how I look at you? Graham: Because. Emma: What? (Graham kisses Emma. As soon as he does, he has a flashback to his life in Fairy Tale World. He sees a wolf with two differently coloured eyes.) Emma: What the hell was that? Graham: Did you see that? Emma: How much have you been drinking? That was way over the line. Graham: I'm sorry, I just- Emma: What? You what? Graham: I need to feel something. Emma: Listen to me, Graham. You are drunk and full of regret. I get it. But whatever it is you are looking to feel, I can tell you one thing - you're not getting it with me. (Emma walks across the street and leaves Graham alone.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Graham knocks on Regina's door. She answers.) Regina: Graham? Graham: Is Henry asleep? Regina: Yes. Why? (Graham kisses Regina. She hesitates, then kisses him again and shuts the door.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Evil Queen is looking over the balcony of her castle. On the lower level, she sees Snow White place a white rose on top of a coffin.) Snow White: Goodbye, Father. (The Evil Queen touches Snow White's shoulder.) Evil Queen: I'm so sorry, Snow. Snow White: I loved him so much. Evil Queen: So did I, dear. So did I. The loss I feel for my husband must be nothing compared to the loss you feel for your father. If there is anything I could do, please, let me know. I may only be your mother through marriage, but I'm here for you, dear. Truly and forever. (Snow White hugs the Evil Queen.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The Evil Queen and several guards enter a large room of the castle. There is a vanity in the corner and a mirror on the wall.) Mirror: Congratulations. Your revenge is almost complete. Evil Queen: One down, one to go. (The Evil Queen walks to the vanity and sits down.) Mirror: She has no idea, does she? Evil Queen: That I'm responsible for his passing? She sought comfort with me. Sickening. I could've ended her miserable existence right there. Believe me - it was tempting. Mirror: It would have sated your soul. Evil Queen: The kingdom's still loyal to her. They would turn on me. They don't know the wretchedness inside her as I do. They don't know what she did to me. We must be delicate in this next phase. Her demise must be handled with care. (She gets up and walks towards the exit.) Mirror: Perhaps, one of your knights, Your Majesty? Evil Queen: No. I need someone adept at murder. Bereft of mercy. Mirror: Someone with no heart. Evil Queen: Now you understand. Mirror: Well, in that case, you need a huntsman. [SCENE_BREAK] (In the forest, a deer is seen jumping around. Suddenly, it is hit by an arrow and collapses. The Huntsman walks up to the deer's body and kneels. He's crying.) Huntsman: You have died so that I may live. Forgive me. Your sacrifice is honourable. I thank you. (He starts crying. A wolf with two differently coloured eyes approaches the Huntsman.) Huntsman: Don't worry, boy. You won't go hungry tonight. -[Real World]- (Graham bolts upright in bed. He is sweating and breathing heavily. Regina, who is laying next him, is also awakened.) Regina: What is it? Graham: I had the most intense dream. I was in the woods hunting and I killed a deer. There was a wolf... Regina: A wolf? Graham: Its eyes - one was blood red and the other was black as night. The funny thing is, I think I've seen the wolf before. Regina: Come back to sleep, Graham. It was only a dream. Graham: It didn't feel like a dream. It felt like a memory. (Graham gets up and starts getting dressed.) Regina: Graham. Graham: I need some air. I need to think. Regina: Graham, please. Come back to bed. Graham: I left my car anyway. I need to go and get it. Clear my head. Regina: Graham, listen. It's late, you're tired, you're probably still drunk. Don't leave. Graham: Since when do you want me to stay, anyway? Regina: You're not well. Graham: I'm fine. (Graham leaves Regina's room.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Graham is on the main street. He walks up to his squad car with his keys in hand, but drops them. When he kneels down to pick them up, there is the wolf with two differently coloured eyes in front of him. The wolf walks off and into the woods.) [SCENE_BREAK] (As Emma walks downstairs at Mary Margaret's apartment, she sees a bouquet of flowers on the table.) Emma: Really? (She takes the flowers and puts them in the trash. Mary Margaret walks into the room and sees what Emma is doing.) MMB: Oh! Hey, wait! What are you doing? Emma: If Graham thinks flowers will work on me... MMB: No, those...were mine. Emma: Oh. From David? MMB: No. Uh... Dr. Whale. Emma: Why would Dr. Whale- (Mary Margaret gives Emma a look.) Emma: Are you serious? MMB: I know - it's a disaster. Emma: No! That's amazing. You're getting over David. MMB: First of all, there's nothing to get over and second of all, it's just a one night stand. Emma: Not according to those flowers. MMB: Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have called him. Emma: Oh my god. You called him? That is definitely not a one night stand. MMB: Well, okay - I'm still learning. I never had one before. I felt guilty. Emma: Why? There's nothing wrong with what you did. Trust me. One nighters is as far as I ever go. MMB: Well, yeah. That's because you're- Emma: Because I'm what? MMB: Never mind. Emma: Yeah? Tell me - what do I do? MMB: You're just protecting yourself. With that wall you put up. Emma: Just because I don't get emotional over men- MMB: You don't get emotional over men? Uh, the floral abuse tells a different story. Emma: What story is that? MMB: The one that's obvious to everyone except, apparently, you - that you have feelings for Graham. Emma: Come on! MMB: There's that wall. (Mary Margaret takes the flowers out of the trash and puts them in a vase.) Emma: That's not a wall. MMB: Really? Emma: There's nothing wrong with being cautious. MMB: Oh, true. True. But, Emma, that wall of yours? It may keep out pain but it also may keep out love. [SCENE_BREAK] (Graham is running through the woods, searching for the wolf. In the background, a wolf is heard howling. He hears a noise in the bushes, but it turns out to be Mr. Gold. Mr. Gold is wearing an apron, boots and has a shovel.) Mr. Gold: Good morning, Sheriff. Sorry if I startled you. Graham: Right. Sorry, I... I thought you were a wolf. Mr. Gold: Did I forget to shave? Graham: What are you doing out here so early? Mr. Gold: A spot of gardening. Yourself? Graham: I was looking for, um... Mr. Gold: A wolf. Yeah, I think I'm beginning to catch on. You know, to the best of my knowledge, Sheriff, there are no wolves in Storybrooke. Not the literal kind, anyway. Why are you looking? Graham: You'll think I'm crazy. Mr. Gold: Try me. Graham: I saw one in my dreams, and then I saw one for real. Just a few hours ago. Did you, uh... Did you see anything unusual out there? Mr. Gold: I'm afraid not. I do wish I could be more helpful. You know, Sheriff, they say that dreams... Dreams are memories. Memories of another life. Graham: And what do you believe? Mr. Gold: I never rule out anything. Good luck, Sheriff. I do hope you find what you're looking for. -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Huntsman and his wolf come across a tavern in the woods and enter. The Huntsman sits down at a table and the wolf lies on the floor next to him. A man sitting at the next table makes a comment.) Man: They're lettin' animals in here now? (There are two men sitting at the bar.) Man 2: This isn't a slaughterhouse. Man 3: Forget him. He might as well be one, too. I heard he was raised by 'em. Man 2: He does smell like 'em. Man 3: Pathetic. I heard he cries over his kills. You believe that? (The second man from the bar approaches the Huntsman.) Man 2: Tell me, Huntsman. What kind of a man cries over an animal? Huntsman: An honourable one. Man 2: What do you know about honour? Huntsman: I have it, they have it, you don't. Man 2: Animals have it? Huntsman: They're pure of heart. Not selfish and self-serving like people. (The wolf gets up and bares its teeth at the man.) Man 2: You tell him to stop threatening me. Does he know what I do to pets who threaten me? I hang 'em on my wall. (The Huntsman draws a knife and stabs the man.) Huntsman: He's not a pet. (Another man tries to attack the Huntsman, but he grabs him and smashes him into a mirror. Yet another man draws a knife and approaches the Huntsman, but he picks up a shard of the broken glass and the man flees.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The Evil Queen watches the Huntsman through her magic mirror. She is with several of her guards.) Evil Queen: He's perfect. Bring him to me. -[Real World]- (Graham is still searching for the wolf in the woods. He, again, hears howling in the distance. Eventually, he finds the wolf in a clearing.) Graham: What do you want? (The wolf starts to walk away.) Graham: Hey! (Graham whistles and the wolf stops. It turns around and approaches him. When Graham pets the wolf, he has another flashback to his life in Fairy Tale World. He sees Snow White, a dagger, and a symbol on a building. When he comes back to the present, the wolf is gone.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The bell rings and the kids file out of Mary Margaret's classroom. Graham pushes past them and enters the classroom.) Graham: Mary Margaret? Can I talk to you? MMB: Graham? What's the matter? Are you okay? Graham: I think we, uh... I think we know each other. MMB: Of course we do. Graham: No, no, no. Not from here. Not from Storybrooke. MMB: From where, then? Graham: Another life. -[Fairy Tale World]- (A guard leads the Huntsman to a room in the Evil Queen's castle.) Evil Queen: Do you have a name? Or shall I just call you 'The Huntsman'? You're a tortured one, aren't you, Huntsman? Is this because your parents abandoned you to the wolves? Huntsman: Those weren't my parents. All they did was give birth to me. The wolves are my family. Evil Queen: Wolves, indeed. I always felt there were two kinds of people - wolves and sheep. Those who kill, and those who get killed. And you, Huntsman, you are most certainly a wolf. Huntsman: Why am I here? Evil Queen: I'd like you to kill someone for me. Can you do that? Huntsman: I kill for me. Why would I do anything for you? Evil Queen: Because I have so much to offer. A place at my court. You will become my official Huntsman. Huntsman: I'm not interested in being a pet. This place is a cage. Evil Queen: You'd be awash in luxury - wanting for nothing. Huntsman: You have an army at your disposal. What do you need of me? Evil Queen: My prey is beloved by all the kingdom. I need someone who won't be blinded by that. Someone without compassion, someone who'll have no qualms carving a heart out and bringing it back for my collection. Huntsman: That's me. Evil Queen: As I suspected. Now tell me - what will it take? Hm? What do you want? There must be something. Huntsman: Outlaw the hunting of wolves. They are to be left alone. They are to be protected. Evil Queen: Simple enough. Huntsman: So, who do you want me to kill? -[Real World]- (Graham and Mary Margaret are still in Mary Margaret's classroom.) Graham: Mary Margaret, how long have we known each other? MMB: Um... I don't know. A while. Graham: Do you remember when we met? MMB: Um. No. Graham: Me neither. I can't remember when I met you, or when I met anyone. Isn't that odd? MMB: I don't know. I mean, I suppose. But, I think that's just life. Things get hazy. Graham: Have I ever hurt you? MMB: Oh, Graham. No, of course not. What is going on? Graham: Do you believe in other lives? MMB: Mm, like heaven? Graham: I mean like past lives. MMB: You've been talking to Henry. Graham: Henry? MMB: Well, he has this book of stories. He's been going on about how he thinks we're all characters from them. From another land. We've forgotten who we really are. Which, of course, makes no sense. Graham: Right. No, of course. MMB: Graham. (Mary Margaret leans over and puts her hand on Graham's forehead.) MMB: Ah! You are burning up. Go home and get some rest. I think you'll feel much better after you've had some sleep. Graham: Right. You're absolutely right. I'm sorry to disturb you. I thank you. MMB: Of course. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White and the Huntsman, who is dressed like one of the Queen's guards, are walking along a path through the forest.) Snow White: You know, when I was a little girl, the summer palace was my favourite place. The mountains surrounding it felt like a cradle. They always made me feel safe. I look forward to returning to it now. (The Huntsman fiddles with the armour around his neck.) Snow White: Stuffy in there? Here. (She takes out two apples and tries to hand one to the Huntsman.) Huntsman: No. Snow White: You're not a knight, are you? Huntsman: What makes you say that? Snow White: Without fail, every one of my father's men has offered me condolences. Except you. Huntsman: Please accept my condolences. Snow White: And they all know how to wear armour. She picked you to take me. Why? Huntsman: I think you know. Snow White: You're going to kill me. Huntsman: You have good instincts. Snow White: And you have too much armour. (Snow White picks up a large branch off the ground and hits the Huntsman with it. He falls to the ground and she flees.) -[Real World]- (Emma is at the station. She places a file on Graham's desk and picks up a dart. She throws it at the dart board, but misses the board entirely. Emma goes to pick up the dart as Regina walks in.) Regina: Our taxes always hard at work, I see. Emma: Graham isn't here. I assumed he took a sick day - with you. Regina: Oh, so you're aware of us? Good - that's why I'm here. Because I'm also aware of your relationship with him. Emma: I don't have a relationship with him. Regina: Oh? So, nothing's ever happened between the two of you? You forget, Miss Swan - I have eyes everywhere. Emma: Nothing that meant anything. Regina: Well, of course not. Because you're incapable of feeling anything for anyone. There's a reason you're alone, isn't there? Emma: All due respect, the way I live my life is my business. Regina: It is until it infringes on my life. Stay away from Graham. You may think you're doing nothing, but you're putting thoughts in his head. Thoughts that are not in his best interest. You are leading him on a path to self-destruction. Stay away. [SCENE_BREAK] (Graham rings the doorbell of Regina's house. Henry answers the door.) Henry: Hey, Sheriff. My mom's not here. Graham: Actually, uh, I'm here to see you, Henry. I was hoping you could help me. Henry: Help you with what? Graham: It's about your book. Am I...in it? -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White, who is still in the forest, is writing something on a piece of paper. The Huntsman finally catches up to her.) Huntsman: I hunt you, yet you stop to compose a letter? I will never understand your kind. Snow White: I don't know these woods. You're obviously a skilled hunter - you'll find me. No matter what I do, I know how this ends. Huntsman: Yes. Snow White: There's one thing that I ask that you do after you kill me. Please deliver this to the Queen. (She holds out a folded piece of paper.) Huntsman: Your tricks won't work on me. Snow White: It's not a trick. Please, give it to her. Tell her I mean every word. (He takes the letter from her and reads it. He ends up with tears in his eyes. The Huntsman draws a dagger and approaches Snow White, who is kneeling on the ground. However, instead of stabbing her, he cuts a piece of a narrow plant and carves two holes into it.) Huntsman: Sign this when you need help. Snow White: What? Huntsman: It's a whistle. It will bring you aid - you'll be led to safety. Now go. Run. Snow White: I don't understand. You're not going to kill me- Huntsman: Run! -[Real World]- (A deer from the woods transforms into an illustration of a deer in Henry's book. Henry and Graham are sitting on the bed in Henry's room, flipping through the book.) Henry: When did your flashes begin? Graham: Uh, right after I kissed Emma. Henry: You kissed my mom? What did you see? Graham: A wolf. I saw that I had a knife in my hand and I was with Mary Margaret. Henry: Were you about to hurt her? Graham: Yes! How do you know that? Henry: Because Mary Margaret is Snow White. Which makes you the Huntsman. Graham: So, you really think that I could be another person. Henry: Makes total sense. You were raised by wolves - that's why you keep seeing one. It's your friend - your guide. It's trying to help you. Graham: I'm remembering this because I kissed your mother? H-How is that possible? Henry: Well, you two do have a special connection. She owes you her life. Graham: Why? Henry: Snow White's her mother and you spared her. If you hadn't, my mom wouldn't have been born. Graham: Wh-What happened after I spared Snow White? Henry: The Queen took your heart. She ripped it out. It's kind of her thing. She never wanted you to be able to feel again. Graham: Let me see that book. (Graham takes the book from Henry and turns the pages. He gets to an image with the Evil Queen and a building with the same symbol that he previously saw in his flashback.) Graham: What's that? I saw that, too. The wolf was howling at it. Henry: That's her vault. It's where she put your heart. Graham: The wolf wants me to find it. Thank you, Henry. (Graham quickly leaves Henry's room.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma is waiting outside the Mayor's house. When Graham comes out, she confronts him.) Emma: Hey. Hear you're having a rough day. Graham: Who says? Emma: Pretty much everyone. I think maybe you need to go home and get some rest. Graham: I'm fine. Emma: No, Graham, you're not fine. You just went to see a ten year old for help. Graham: He's the only one making any sense. Emma: What's going on? What's really going on? Graham: It's my heart, Emma. I need to find it. Emma: Okay. So, how are you going to do that? Graham: I just need to follow the wolf. Emma: What? What wolf? Graham: From my dreams. It's going to help me find my heart. Emma: I'm sorry. I thought we were talking in a metaphor here. You really think you don't have a heart? Graham: It's the only thing that makes any sense. It's the only thing that explains why I don't feel anything. Emma: Listen to me, Graham. You have a heart. I can prove it. (Emma puts her hand on Graham's chest.) Emma: See? It's beating. It's real. (Graham shakes his head. Emma grabs his hand and places it where her hand previously was.) Emma: Feel that? That is your heart. Graham: No. It's the curse. Emma: You can't really believe that's true. (Emma suddenly stares at something behind Graham.) Graham: What? (Behind them, is the wolf with the two differently coloured eyes. It runs away and the two of them follow it.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma and Graham follow the wolf to a graveyard.) Emma: Graham! Graham, be careful. Graham: He's my friend. He won't hurt us. (The wolf stops and howls briefly, then runs farther into the graveyard. The both of them follow. They eventually lose sight of the wolf and end up stopping in front of a crypt. Graham looks up and sees the symbol from his flashback.) Emma: What is it? Graham: It's my heart. It's in there. (He takes out a flashlight.) Graham: I have to look in there. Emma: Oh, no! Stop. Stop. Graham: I have to get in there, please- Emma: Graham, come on! You really think that your heart is in there? (Graham nods.) Emma: Okay. Let's find out. (Emma tries to open the doors of the crypt, but they're locked.) Emma: come on! (She kicks open one of the doors and they both enter.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (One of the Queen's guards escorts the Huntsman into a room of the castle.) Guard: Wait here. (The guard leaves and the Evil Queen enters.) Huntsman: I see you're still in mourning. Evil Queen: The time for mourning is over. I simply found that black suits me. Now, tell me - is Snow dead? Huntsman: The young girl's heart as you requested. (The Huntsman gestures to the bag at his side. The Evil Queen goes to take it, but he pulls back.) Huntsman: First there's something I must do. (He takes out Snow White's letter.) Evil Queen: What's this? Huntsman: The girl wanted you to have it. Evil Queen: Read it to me. Huntsman: Dearest Stepmother - by the time you read this, I will be dead. I understand that you will never have love in your life because of me, so it's only fitting that I'll be denied that same joy as well. For the sake of the kingdom, I hope my death satisfies your need for revenge - allowing you to rule my father's subjects as they deserve. With compassion and a gentle hand. I know what you think you're doing is vengeance - I prefer to think of it as sacrifice, for the good of all. With that in mind, I welcome the end. I want you to take my last message to heart. I'm sorry and I forgive you. (The Evil Queen rips the letter out of the Huntsman's hand and throws it into the fireplace.) Evil Queen: Don't tell me you're becoming a sheep! Huntsman: She put others before herself, and yet, you hate her. What did she do to you? Evil Queen: I shared a secret with her and she couldn't keep it. And that betrayal cost me dearly. Now, show me her heart! (He gives her the bag containing the heart. She walks off though a pair of doors leading into a smaller room. She takes the heart out of the bag and places it into a box on a pedestal She closes the box and walks over to a wall made up of multiple drawers. She holds the box up to the wall, but nothing happens.) Evil Queen: It should open. (The Evil Queen takes the heart out of the box and stalks towards the Huntsman.) Evil Queen: This isn't her heart! This isn't a human heart! What did you do? -[Real World]- (Emma and Graham enter the crypt. There's a sarcophagus in the center with several urns on shelves lining the walls.) Graham: It's got to be in here. Somewhere. (He begins to scan the walls of the crypt.) Graham: There's got to be a hidden door. A lever. (He checks one of the urns.) Graham: Something. Emma: Graham. Hey. Graham, there's nothing in here. Graham: There has to be. If there isn't, then- Emma: It's okay. It's going to be okay. (Regina, who is standing outside the entrance, yells to them.) Regina: What the hell do you think you're doing? (Emma and Graham exit the crypt.) Emma: What are you doing here? Regina: Bringing flowers to my father's grave like I do every Wednesday. Graham: Don't blame her. It's my fault. I wanted to look in there. Regina: Really? Why? What were you looking for? Graham: Nothing. It was, uh... It was nothing. Regina: You don't look well, dear. Let's take you home. (Regina grabs Graham's arm and starts to drag him with her, but he breaks free of her grasp.) Graham: Regina, I... I don't want to go home. Not with you. Regina: Oh? But you'll go with her. Emma: Hey. This is between you two - leave me out of it. Graham: She's right - it's between us. And things have to change. Regina: And I wonder why that is all of a sudden. Graham: It has nothing to do with her. You know, I've realized that I don't feel anything, Regina. And I know now it's not me - it's you. Regina: So, you're leaving me for her? Graham: I'm leaving you for me. Regina: Graham, you're not thinking straight. Graham: Actually, for the first time, I am. I'd rather have nothing than settle for less. Nothing? Is better than what we have. I need to feel something, Regina, and the only way to do that is to give myself a chance. Regina: Graham- Graham: I'm sorry. It's over. Regina: I don't know what I ever did to you, Miss Swan, to deserve this. To have you keep coming after everything I hold dear. Graham: I told you - it's not her. Regina: None of this happened until she got here. Emma: I'm sorry. Did you ever stop to think that maybe the problem isn't with me, but with you? Regina: Excuse me? Emma: Henry came and found me. Graham kissed me. Both were miserable. Maybe, Madam Mayor, you need to take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why that is. Why is everyone running away from you? (Regina punches Emma in the face, who then falls into Graham.) Graham: Regina! (Emma recovers from the attack and punches Regina back in the face. Emma grabs Regina and pushes her against the side of the crypt. Graham also gets up and tries to split them up.) Graham: Stop! Stop! Stop! (Graham pulls Emma away from Regina.) Emma: Not worth it. (Emma starts to leave, walking away from Graham and Regina.) Regina: Graham. (Regina approaches Graham, but Graham ignores her and follows Emma.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Graham and Emma are at the station. He has the first aid kit out and puts an ice pack on her head.) Graham: I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I kind of lost my mind. Emma: It's okay. You were tired and feverish... And heartbroken. Graham: I don't know why I let myself get caught up with her. Emma: Because it was easy. And safe. Not feeling anything's an attractive option when what you feel sucks. (Graham goes to wipe off the cut on the side of Emma's head. She flinches.) Emma: Felt that. [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina, who is still at the graveyard, enters the crypt. The name 'Mills' is etched on one of the walls. On the sarcophagus, there is a plaque that reads 'Henry Mills - beloved father'. She places the flowers on top of the sarcophagus, then pushes it aside. Beneath it, there is a bluish light and a set of stairs. She walks down them.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Evil Queen and the Huntsman are in the smaller room with the wall of drawers. She slams the heart down onto the pedestal.) Evil Queen: Did you think you can fool me with the heart of a stag? (She waves her hand and the doors to the room shut.) Evil Queen: You're not going anywhere. Huntsman: She doesn't deserve to die. Evil Queen: That's not up to you. I wanted a heart, and a heart I shall have. (The Evil Queen magically sticks her hand through the Huntsman's chest. When she draws back, his heart is in her hand.) Huntsman: What... What are you going to do to me? (She kisses him.) Evil Queen: You're now mine, my pet. (She walks over to the wall of drawers and holds up the heart. A drawer pops out containing a box.) Evil Queen: And this is your cage. From this moment forward, you will do everything that I say. And if you ever disobey me, if you ever try to run away, all I have to do is squeeze. (The Evil Queen squeezes the heart in her hand and the Huntsman doubles over in pain.) Evil Queen: Guards! (Two guards enter the room and grab the Huntsman by the arms.) Evil Queen: Your life is now in my hands - forever. Take him to my bedchamber. (The guards take the Huntsman with them. The Evil Queen puts his heart in the box and closes the drawer.) -[Real World]- (Regina enters the room under the crypt. It's the same room with the wall of drawers as the one in the Evil Queen's castle. Regina walks over to the wall containing the hearts and pulls out one of the drawers. She removes the box and opens it, revealing Graham's heart inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At the station, Graham is still tending to Emma's cut.) Graham: All better. Emma: Yeah. Graham: What? (Emma walks over to Graham. They kiss and he has another flashback to his life in Fairy Tale World. He sees the wolf with the two differently coloured eyes, the fight at the tavern, the Evil Queen when they first met, Snow White, the dagger, the whistle, the deer, the symbol, him reading the letter, the Evil Queen with the stag heart, and the Evil Queen putting his heart in the box. When he comes back to the present, he staggers backwards.) Emma: Graham? [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina, still in the room under the crypt, takes the heart out of the box and holds it up.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma and Graham are still at the station.) Emma: Are you okay? Graham: I remember. Emma: Graham? Graham: I remember. Emma: You remember what? [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina is staring at the heart in her hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Graham holds Emma's face in his hands.) Graham: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina squeezes the heart. Graham and Emma go to kiss, but Graham suddenly falls to the floor. Emma repeatedly yells his name, trying to wake him up, but is unsuccessful. Regina crushes Graham's heart to dust.) -[End]-

Graham calls his well-being into question as the lines separating fantasy from reality suddenly start to blur while a series of events are revealed in which the Evil Queen recruits a heartless assassin to execute Snow White and sparks a chain of events that threaten to come with consequences for everyone involved.

fd_Charmed_06x16

fd_Charmed_06x16_0

[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Piper, Leo and Wyatt are there. Parents and their kids are leaving the manor. Piper is handing goodie bags to them as they leave.] Piper: Here you go. Thanks for coming. Woman: Thanks for inviting us, it was a fun party. I still can't believe that Wyatt is one already. Piper: Oh, I know, you can't. Man: Nice to finally meet you, Leo. Leo: Yeah, you too. Woman: You know, Frank and some of the other dads get the kids together on Saturdays if you're interested. Leo: Uh, yeah. Thanks. Frank: Excellent. Woman: Bye. Frank: I'll call you. Leo: Okay, great. (They all leave.) Piper: Phew. (Piper closes the front door.) I am exhausted. Leo: (to Wyatt) Did you have fun? Did you like it? Piper: Yeah, he was a really good boy and only made mummy freeze the room once. Leo: He was excited. It's his birthday. Piper: He was excited to see you. He misses you. Leo: I know. I miss him too. (Paige walks in.) Paige: Hey, you guys want anymore champagne? Come on, we don't want it to go to waste. How about it, dad? Leo: Elders aren't allowed to drink. Paige: Oh, come on. When on earth you should do as earthlings do. Leo: Sorry. Piper: Not that I'm complaining or anything because you guys did such great work. But champagne? Chocolate covered strawberries? Oysters? Aren't the kids a little young for the aphrodisiacs? Paige: They're aphrodisiacs? Heh, who knew. Bubbly? Piper: Paige. Paige: What? Oh, come on, there were milk and cookies here too. You know, maybe if-if there were more kids living in this house, I would know what to get. Did you ever stop to think about that? Excuse me. (Paige heads for the kitchen.) Piper: She's been weird since she changed her hair colour. She'll probably change it back. [Cut to the kitchen. Phoebe is there. Paige walks in.] Paige: Okay, forget about the strawberries, she's onto us. Phoebe: What do you mean? She knows about Chris? Paige: No. She knows we're up to something. I can't believe how hard it is to get two people laid. Phoebe: Paige, that is disgusting. Paige: Well, it's what we're trying to do, right? Phoebe: No, we are trying to romance Piper and Leo together so they can conceive Chris, our nephew. Paige: And that's different how? Phoebe: Well, because what you said is very Springer, what I said is very Oprah. Paige: Oh. Well, whatever show we're watching, we're running out of time. At least Chris is. We should probably tell him. Phoebe: Yes. Chris! (Chris orbs in.) Chris: Hey. So how's it going? Paige: Not so good. Chris: What do you mean? What does she mean? Phoebe: We're running out of ideas. Chris: Well, that's too bad because it has to happen today or I don't happen. Phoebe: Wait, today? Chris: Yeah. I did the math. And if I'm not conceived by midnight tonight, that's it. I won't be born, which means I won't be coming back from the future to warn you about Wyatt turning evil. Phoebe: Yeah, see that time travel thing. Ooh. Chris: Hey, what about making a love potion and just, like, slipping it to them. Paige: No, we're not tricking your parents. Chris: Why not? I'm desperate. Phoebe: Hey, look, I have an idea. Call me crazy, but why don't we just tell them the truth? Paige: Sure, let's give them a massive case of performance anxiety. Phoebe: We're already out of options. Chris: And time. (They hear a crash coming from the other room.) [Cut to the stairs. A darklighter is running down the stairs and Piper is trying to blow him up. Leo runs towards Wyatt who is sitting in the foyer.] Leo: Wyatt! (The darklighter disappears and reappears beside Wyatt. He points his crossbow at Leo and shoots. Leo orbs out and the arrow flies past Piper. Chris walks in and the arrow heads straight for him. Phoebe and Paige walk in and Phoebe pushes Chris out of the way of the arrow.) Paige: Arrow! (The arrow orbs out and orbs back in the darklighter's chest. Leo orbs in and picks up Wyatt.) Leo: I got you, I got you. (The darklighter disappears. Piper walks over to Leo and Wyatt.) Piper: You're okay, you're okay. Chris: Thanks for saving my life. Hope it wasn't for nothing. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper, Paige, Leo, Chris and Wyatt are there. Phoebe is in the foyer collecting some blood on the floor with an eyedropper. She joins the others.] Paige: Is that enough to scry with? Phoebe: Only one way to find out. Piper: At least he waited until after the party to attack. That was nice of him. Chris: You know what I don't understand is why would the darklighter attack at all? I mean, with all of us here at the same time. It's suicide. Piper: All the more reason to find him and stop him before he tries again. Leo: I don't think he was after a Whitelighter, I think he was after me. Or Wyatt. Paige: Well, then why don't you take Piper up there and take Wyatt too. Piper: Yeah, I'll go with you. Leo: But you're not allowed. Piper: Alright, so then we'll go to the magic school. You'll be safe there, you can't be hurt, right? Paige: That's great. One big happy family. Piper: You change him, I'll pack him. (Piper and Leo, holding Wyatt, leaves the room.) Chris: Think now's a good time to tell them? Paige: No. The sooner we take care of the darklighter, the sooner we make you. Phoebe: I'm gonna start scrying. (Phoebe leaves the room.) Paige: And I will go start the love potion. Chris: Wait, I thought you were against making the love potion? Paige: Not if it's gonna save one of my two favourite nephews. (Chris looks at the clock - 3:00.) [Scene: Underground. Cave. Demons are there making weapons. A demon is pulling the arrow out of the darklighter's chest. The darklighter yells in pain.] Demon: Nice plan, my friend. Darklighter: It worked, didn't it? Demon: Not yet it hasn't. Not until the witches come after you. Darklighter: How come? They always do. Demon: But will the Elder? I mean, now that he knows you're after him, won't he think it's too dangerous? Darklighter: Not this Elder. He's blinded by fatherhood, by his unwavering desire to protect his son. He can't be sure I'm not after the boy too. He'll come. But he won't be immune to the poison. I'll need a dozen more for later. Demon #2: They're being forged as we speak. Demon: You sure you're still alright to go through with this, Damien? Damien: A deal was struck, I was chosen. Besides, he deserves to get what he paid for, doesn't he? Leo out of the way. Just make sure the coat's properly prepared. We only get one shot of this. Demon #1: Alright, arm up. But remember we're only supposed to distract the witches, not harm them. They're not the target this time. The Elder is. [Scene: Magic School. A student is there putting books on a shelf using telekinesis. Gideon appears in front of her and catches one of the books.] Gideon: These aren't just books, Sarah. They're legacies. Handed down over the ages by other magical beings, and worthy of your great care. (He puts the book on the shelf.) Understand? Sarah: Yes, sir. Gideon: Good. (Leo walks up to Gideon.) Leo: Gideon. Gideon: Leo, what a pleasant surprise. How are you, my boy? Leo: I've been better. A darklighter attacked, I think he's after me. (They walk away from Sarah.) Gideon: Are you certain? Leo: I don't know, he may be trying to get me out of the way to get to Wyatt. I dropped Piper and Wyatt off at the nursery, I hope that's alright. Gideon: Of course, absolutely. Leo: Alright, I better get back to Phoebe and Paige, see if I can help. Gideon: No, you shouldn't, you should go back up with the other Elders where you'll be safe. Leo: What about the darklighter? Gideon: It's not your responsibility, that's for the sisters to handle, it's what they do. Leo: Alright, well, I can't just sit around while someone is after my son, I'm a father now. Gideon: No, you're an Elder now and it's time to start acting like one. Don't you see? You don't just put yourself at risk by staying here on earth, you put all Elders at risk too. If they catch you, they get access to us all. Leo: I know, but... Gideon: You can't justify staying here any longer, not with this, not anymore. Stand to fully accept your calling, and the necessary transcends the sins of the flesh. Family, even fatherhood. One that requires you to cut the ties that bind for everyone's sake. Leo: I can't. At least not until I know my son is safe. I'm sorry. (Leo orbs out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Back room. Chris is there. Clarence the cleaner stands at the doorway.] Clarence: What are you still doing here? I thought you'd be out and about by now. Chris: Clarence, hey. Didn't hear you come up. Clarence: You mind? Chris: Please, come in. (Clarence picks up a bucket.) Clarence: Beautiful day outside, isn't it? Chris: Is it? I never really noticed. I've been too busy, uh, rechecking something. Clarence: Whole world seems to be too busy now days. Nobody's got time to just enjoy their day anymore. Chris: Well, it doesn't get any better in the future, either. I mean, I imagine. Clarence: Future don't mean squat to me. I'm too old to worry about it. Shouldn't to you either. You're too young. Chris: Unfortunately, I'm kind of obsessed with it. Clarence: You alright? Chris: Yeah, yeah, I just probably need to eat. Clarence: What you need is to get out of this hole. Get some sun, live a little. Chris: Believe me, I'm trying. Clarence: Do that. (Clarence leaves.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe and Paige are there. Phoebe is scrying while Paige is making a potion. The potion explodes.] Phoebe: I thought you were making a love potion? Paige: I am. Phoebe: Then why did it blow up? Paige: Maybe I'm trying too hard. Phoebe: Or maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Paige: Phoebe. Phoebe: Come on, you weren't thinking the exact same thing? Paige: No. Okay, fine, but for like a second. The point is Chris is meant to be. Phoebe: But not if he changed too much by coming here. You know, messed up his own timeline. Paige: We're talking about his very existence. Phoebe: Paige, I know, but there's only so much we can do. Especially now with that Darklighter out there. I just think that we have to face the reality that Chris's destiny might have been just to come here and warn us about Wyatt, and that's all. (Chris walks in.) Paige: Hey. Phoebe: Oh my god, Chris, I'm so sorry. Chris: No, it's okay. I've actually been wondering the same thing. Paige: You have? Chris: Yeah. I've had the strangest feeling, like, I don't know, it's really hard to explain. But it feels like I'm, I'm floating, like I'm not really here, you know? Phoebe: Well, that doesn't sound good. Paige: Well, you have to fight it, we still have time. Chris: Not much. (The scrying crystal stops at a point on the map and spins around on the spot.) Paige: I've never seen it do that before. Phoebe: Maybe that means there's more than one? I'll go get Piper. (Phoebe leaves the room.) Chris: I'll go too. Paige: No, you stay here, okay. Finish the potion, when we come back your parents will be in the mood. [Scene: Street. Piper's car pulls up and Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo get out.] Piper: You sure this is the place? Phoebe: Yeah, down that alley. Paige: Thank god we didn't orb in. Leo: Well, we couldn't. They would've know we were coming. Piper: Maybe they know already. Phoebe: What do you mean? Piper: I mean, since when to darklighters hang out in broad daylight like this? It could be a trap, maybe you should stay here. Leo: No, I'm the bait, remember? Besides, if it is a trap, you might need me to help you orb back. Paige: Well, I've got Phoebe, you get Piper out of here for Chris's... for Wyatt's sake. Phoebe: Let's just do this. (They all walk down the alley.) I don't see anything. (A darklighter appears on the top of a building and points his crossbow at them. Piper sees him and blows him up. Two more appear on top of the building.) Paige: You take Piper. (Paige orbs out with Phoebe and they orb back in on top of the building. They each throw a potion at the darklighters, vanquishing them. Damien appears behind Phoebe.) Leo: Phoebe, watch out! (Phoebe turns around and Damien hits her across the face with his crossbow. She falls off the roof and lands on a dumpster. Piper gasps. Damien disappears and reappears behind Piper and Leo.) Paige: Behind you! (Piper and Leo turn around. Damien points his crossbow at them an Piper blows him up. He causes a huge explosion which engulfs Piper and Leo. The explosion disappears and so has Piper and Leo.) Piper! (Paige orbs out and orbs back in beside Phoebe.) Phoebe? Oh my god, you're bleeding. Phoebe: Yeah. Uh, maybe we should get me to a hospital. Paige: Yeah. (Paige helps Phoebe up.) I got you. (Paige helps Phoebe to Piper's car and they drive off.) [Cut to the ghostly plane. Street. The street is completely deserted. No cars, no people, only empty buildings. Piper and Leo walk out of the alley.] Piper: Phoebe? Paige? Where's my car? What's going on? Where'd everybody go? Leo: That's a good question. Piper: We'll, they gotta be here somewhere. Leo: I think we should get out of here. Piper: No, not without Phoebe, she's hurt. Didn't you see her fall? Leo: Yeah, but at least she's alive. Piper: What is that supposed to mean? Leo: I don't know, but I think need to get off the street while we figure this out. Piper: The hospital. If Paige couldn't get to you, she'd take Phoebe to the hospital. Memorial's just down the street. Leo: But Piper, you don't understand, we can't worry about them right now. We need to worry about us. (Damien walks out of the alley.) Piper: Leo. Damien: Piper, you're not supposed to be here. Piper: Yeah, well, you're not supposed to be here either. At least not in one piece. (Piper tries to blow him up but her powers don't work.) Leo: Come on. (Leo tries to orb out but can't.) Piper: What's wrong with your powers? (Damien loads his crossbow.) Leo: I don't know. Run. Go, go, go. (Piper and Leo run off.) Damien: You can run but you can't hide! You're in my world now! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Underground. Cave. A demon is yelling at a darklighter.] Demon: What part of don't hurt the witches didn't you understand? Darklighter: What was I supposed to do? They'd already killed three of us. Demon: So what? You're expendable. We all are for this. It's bad enough one's wounded now but none of them were supposed to end up there, none of them. We were only meant to separate the Elder from his protectors, to make the witches fear he'd died so they wouldn't try look for him. Darklighter: Still, just because she's with him doesn't mean she can protect him. No one has powers in the ghostly plane, that's why Damien wanted him sent there. Demon: But that's not the point now, is it? Damien may be forced to kill her now too, and that was specifically not what he was hired to do. Worse, the other witches may be less inclined to accept the death of a sister than of a brother-in-law. Especially with their history. Darklighter: All the more reason for us to keep them distracted. At all cost now. [Scene: Hospital. Room. Phoebe and a doctor are there. The doctor is looking at Phoebe's x-rays.] Doctor: No broken bones, no internal bleeding, other than a mild concussion, I'd say you are a very lucky woman. Phoebe: Great! Does that mean I can go home now? Doctor: Actually, I think I'd like to keep you here overnight just for observation. Phoebe: Oh, no, that's not possible. Doctor: Ms Halliwell, I don't have to remind you, you took quite a fall. It's possible you might have more than just a concussion. Sometimes other symptoms don't develop for twenty-fours hours. Phoebe: Yeah, well, I don't have twenty-four hours. I gotta go, gotta go. Doctor: You'll have to sign a release. Phoebe: That's fine. Doctor: If you feel any dizziness or light headedness, call me. Otherwise I'll see you in a week to remove the stitches. Phoebe: Thanks. (The doctor leaves.) [Cut to the hallway. Paige is waiting there. The place is crowded with doctors and nurses running from place to place. Paige walks into Phoebe's room.] Paige: Phoebe. Hey. What'd he say? Are you alright? Phoebe: Yeah, well, he's releasing me, isn't he? Okay, don't worry about this, Paige, we're gonna figure something out. Paige: Okay, but what about Chris? Phoebe: What about Chris? Paige: Well, what if he doesn't exist anymore because his mum and dad don't exist anymore. Phoebe: No, if Piper were gone, I would sense it, I know it. (They walk out of the room into the busy hallway.) Oh my god, what happened? Paige: A truck hit a bus. [Scene: Ghostly plane. Hospital. Piper walks in to find nobody around.] Piper: Phoebe? Paige? (Leo runs in.) Leo: They're not here, I'm telling you. Piper: They have to be here. Phoebe's hurt. Leo: Not in this plane, she's not. The blast, when you blew up the darklighter, must have knocked us into this other place. One that co-exists with our world but not with our lives. Piper: What are you talking about? What world? Leo: I don't know. I don't think we're here by accident, I think this is part of the darklighter's plan. To have us here without our powers and without your sisters. Piper: Phoebe! [Cut to the hospital. Phoebe and Paige are walking down the hallway.] Phoebe: Excuse us. Paige: Coming through. (Phoebe hears Piper calling.) Phoebe: Do you hear something? Paige: Hear what? Phoebe: I could have sworn I heard someone call out my name. Doctor: We're losing him. Two hundred and fifty CCs of lido. Flat lining. Come on, come on. Did anyone call the driver's family? Still got no pulse. Paddles. Two hundred jules. Nurse: Charging. Doctor: Clear! [Cut to the ghostly plane. Piper walks down the hallway of the hospital. Leo runs up behind her.] Leo: Piper, we've gotta keep moving, we can't stay here. Damn it, Piper. I don't want you to get hurt too. Piper: Okay. (They turn to see the bus driver standing there.) Driver: Am I dead? Piper: Leo, what's going on? Driver: Leo. Are you an angel? (The driver disappears.) Leo: I know what plane we're on. The ghostly plane. [Cut to the hospital.] Doctor: He's back. Stabilising. (The driver wakes up.) Sir, do you know who you are? Do you know your name? Phoebe: Let's go. Driver: Leo. Leo. Must be an angel. Paige: Leo? (Phoebe grabs her arm in pain.) What? What's wrong? Phoebe: Piper. [Cut to the ghostly plane. Hospital. Piper has been hit in the arm with an arrow. Leo is fighting with Damien. He knocks Damien to the floor. He helps Piper up.] Leo: Come on. (Piper and Leo run outside.) [Cut to the manor. Phoebe and Paige orb in.] Phoebe: I'm telling you, I felt Piper, as if she were standing right next to me. Paige: But she wasn't. Phoebe: I know, I'm still trying to figure that part out. (Chris walks down the stairs.) Chris: Uh, Phoebe, Paige? Paige: Chris, you're okay. Phoebe: Which means Piper and Leo are okay. Chris: Well, I don't know about that but I'm, uh, definitely running out of time here. (Chris holds up his arm which is slowly fading away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe and Paige are there. Phoebe slams the Book of Shadows shut and groans.] Paige: What? Phoebe: I don't know what else to try. Paige: What do you mean? Phoebe: What do you mean, what do I mean? There's nothing else to try. Paige: Oh, great. Why don't you try telling that to Chris as he fades away. Phoebe: No, I can't. Paige: Right, well, here's the deal. You felt Piper, so that means she's gotta be out there somewhere, and if we can figure out where, then maybe we can figure out how to bring them back. You said we weren't gonna lose her. Phoebe: The bus driver. Paige: The bus driver what? Phoebe: Well, he was dead, right? I mean, at least for a little bit, so maybe that wasn't a coincidence, maybe he actually did see Leo in limbo. Paige: That's good. No, that's bad because that would make them dead. Phoebe: Not if someone put them there. Like the darklighter. Paige: The one Piper vanquished? Phoebe: Unless it wasn't really a vanquish, it was just made to look like a vanquish. (Phoebe flips through the Book of Shadows.) Okay, ghosts. Ghosts, ghosts. [Scene: Ghostly plane. P3. Piper and Leo are there. Leo is dabbing Piper's wound.] Piper: Ow. Leo: Sorry. Good thing you're immune to the poison. Piper: Yeah, too bad you're not. (Leo rips apart his flannelette shirt.) Oh, my, my. Leo: Impressed? Piper: Very. (Leo wraps part of the shirt around her arm, over the wound.) Leo: This should stop the bleeding. Piper: Thanks. Uh, I rather imagined meadows, waterfalls, maybe even a harp. Leo: Well, this isn't the afterlife. It's a place before that to ease the transition. Piper: Mm-hm. Lucky us we're stuck here. That is until our friendly darklighter helps us move on permanently. Leo: Well, we're not gonna let that happen. We've been through a lot more than this. Piper: Have we? Leo: Are you kidding? Ever since we met it's been one ordeal after the other. Piper: Wow, you make it sound so romantic. (He laughs.) Leo: It's not what I meant. I mean, look at everything we've been through, everything we've overcome. This is just one more thing. This isn't where it ends. I promise. Piper: Alright, so how do we get out of here? Leo: I don't know. I gotta figure the darklighter has a way, maybe a portal. Piper: Masked by the explosion? Leo: Maybe. Although somebody's gotta be helping him with a hell of a lot more powers than a darklighter. Piper: Do you think the portal's still there? Leo: Probably. Question is, how do we access it without our powers? Piper: We make Phoebe and Paige use theirs. I'm serious. We're on the ghostly plane, so why can't we, you know, haunt them? Make contact like other normal ghosts do. Leo: Because not all other ghosts do. It takes years to learn how to cross over. Besides, you need a connection. Piper: A bond? You mean like sisters? Come on, I know them, I know they're looking for us, and I know they were at the hospital. I can't explain exactly... Leo: You don't have to. Far be it for me to question the power of three after all these years. Piper: Okay, so let's go. They'll be at the house at the Book of Shadows. Leo: It's probably where the darklighter will be waiting for us. He knows us, he's studied us. [Scene: Ghostly plane. Across the road from the Manor. The darklighter is on the roof of the house. He loads his crossbow.] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Chris, now transparent, walks through the wall.] Chris: Whoa, not good. (Clarence is standing there.) Clarence: It's almost time, Chris. Chris: Clarence. What are you doing here? Clarence: Actually, I've come for you. It's okay, son, I know. Chris: Who are you? Clarence: Someone who was sent to make this easier for you. Chris: This? What do you mean this? Clarence: I think you know. Chris: You're an angel of death. Clarence: Yours is an unique situation, Chris. One which requires special handling. That's why I wanted to meet you early. So you could get to know me, trust me. There's really nothing to be afraid of. Chris: Yeah, that's easy for you to say. Clarence: Don't fight it, Chris. It'll only make it more difficult for you. Chris: No. Forget that, alright? I still got time. You stay away from me. (Chris goes upstairs.) [Cut to the attic. Phoebe and Paige are there. Phoebe lights a circle of candles sitting on the floor.] Paige: Are you sure a s ance is the right move? Phoebe: Well, if they are stuck in the spirit realm, then they're ghosts, right? Paige: Hopefully. Phoebe: What, now you're a pessimist? Paige: Hey. A girl's allowed to vacillate, it's not like this is an exact science, right? Okay, the spell is done. Phoebe: Okay, let's do this. (Chris walks in.) Chris: Sorry, I don't mean to be pushy but... Phoebe: Yeah, we're working on it, we're working on it. Paige: You don't look so good. Okay. "Sister's spirit I call to thee, cross on over so we may see." (Chris disappears.) Phoebe: Wait, that wasn't supposed to happen, was it? Paige: I'm thinking no. [Cut to the ghostly plane. Manor. Attic. Piper and Leo walk in.] Leo: Okay, now what? Piper: I don't know, I guess we try to make contact. (Piper closes her eyes. Chris appears.) Leo: Chris? Piper: Not exactly who I was going for but I guess it'll work. Leo: What are you doing here? Chris: Ceasing to exist I think. (Chris disappears.) [Cut to the attic. Chris appears.] Phoebe: What happened? Where'd you go? Chris: I just say Piper and Leo. [Cut to the ghostly plane. Attic.] Piper: Where'd he go? Leo: I don't know. (Chris appears again.) Ask him. Piper: What are you talking about? What do you mean ceasing to exist? Chris: No time to explain. I'm a connection to your sisters and they wanna know how to get you guys back. [Cut to the attic. Chris appears.] Chris: They think somebody made a portal for the darklighter to pass through. Paige: Somebody who? (Two darklighters appear.) Chris: Darklighters! [Cut to the ghostly plane.] Piper: Chris, where are you? Leo: Shh, not so loud. (Leo looks around. An arrow flies through the window and hits Leo in the shoulder. It goes through his shoulder and comes out the other side.) Piper: Leo? Come on, come on. (Piper helps Leo out of the room.) [Cut to the attic. Phoebe and Paige throw potions at the darklighters, vanquishing them.] Phoebe: Piper's not here anymore, I can't sense her. Chris: It's too late, and not just for Piper and Leo. Take care. (Chris vanishes.) Paige: Chris? [Cut to the ghostly plane. Piper and Leo are walking down the street.] Leo: If there is a portal it's gotta be near by. Piper: No, what are you doing? Leo: I'm trying to save you. Piper: You mean, you're trying to save us, don't you? Look, you need to sit down. (They sit down.) Maybe since the arrow went straight through... Leo: It'll just take longer. They'll find a way. Piper: How? We never even had a chance to tell them where to meet us. Leo: They'll figure it out. I know them. Piper: In time? Leo: Look, Piper, no matter what happens... Piper: No. Leo: You have to keep trying to make contact. Piper: I don't wanna hear it. Leo: He's not after you, he's after me. Piper: Would you please stop trying to save me? Leo: I'm sorry I got you into this. Piper: Yeah, just one ordeal after another, right? (Leo touches her face.) Leo: I never stopped loving you. (They kiss.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Magic School. Great hall. Phoebe and Paige are there. Gideon walks in.] Gideon: Phoebe, Paige. Paige: Gideon, we need your help. Gideon: What's wrong? Phoebe: Well, we think we may have lost Chris. Gideon: What? Paige: And Piper and Leo, and us too if we're not careful. Phoebe: Somebody's got a bunch of darklighters after us and one of them's got Piper and Leo trapped. Paige: In the ghostly plane. Phoebe: Or the spirit realm. Gideon: Same thing. Phoebe: Right. We made contact with them but then we lost them. Paige: And we lost Chris too, although we're not sure why because she can tell if Piper's dead. Phoebe: Yeah, and I can't. Paige: So she must still be around somewhere, we just don't know where. Phoebe: So we need to figure out how to use the darklighter's portal to get them out. Paige: And if you follow all that you're really are a very powerful Elder. Gideon: But darklighters don't have the power to make portals, let alone use them. Phoebe: Right, we have to figure out who can. Gideon: I warned Leo. I told him something like this might happen. What do you need? Paige: Well, we know where to find the portal, we just don't know how to reverse it. (Gideon picks up a book and opens it up to a page.) Gideon: There. Paige: Handy. [Scene: Ghostly plane. Alley. Piper and Leo are there. Piper is asleep sitting against a wall. Leo is standing up near by. Piper wakes up.] Piper: Leo? Leo: Morning. Piper: What are you doing? Leo: Just trying to sense them. Piper: Any luck? (He shakes his head.) You don't look so good. Leo: I know. Listen, about last night. Piper: I don't have any regrets if that's where this is going. Leo: It's not. But I'm glad you said that. Because I don't either. I just want you to know that I don't have any expectations. Because I know everything that you went through when I became an Elder. And it just, it wouldn't be fair to put you through that again. Piper: I'm not sure I understand. Leo: Well, neither one of us wanted me to become an Elder. (He sits down beside her.) But I did anyway. I was supposed to go up there right away but I didn't. Piper: Because you wanted to find out who Chris was and to protect Wyatt. Leo: They're not the only reasons I didn't go up there, Piper. I was holding onto you. And because of that I put you at risk and I put my son at risk. I can't let that happen anymore, I won't let that happen. (Damien walks around the corner.) Damien: Well, fortunately you won't have to worry about that for much longer. I'm a little surprised actually. Didn't really think you'd come back here. Thought I knew you better than that. Oh, well. (He points his crossbow at them.) Leo: Let her go, you don't want her. Damien: No, but I can't pass up my opportunity can I? It's in my nature. Besides, I wouldn't want a Charmed One coming after me when this is over. (They hear traffic noises and suddenly they are back in the alley. Phoebe and Paige are there.) Paige: I wouldn't do that if I were you because this time I'll vanquish you for real. Piper: Well, it's about time. Phoebe: Who sent you? (A darklighter on the roof shoots his crossbow and hits Damien in the chest. Damien screams and is vanquished. Chris appears.) Chris: Yes! I'm back! Phoebe: Wait. What? How is that possible? Chris: Don't ask me, ask... (Leo falls backwards.) Them. Piper: Paige, come on, quick, we've got to get him to Gideon. (Paige orbs out with Piper and Leo.) [Scene: Golden Gate Bridge. Leo is standing on the very top of it. Gideon orbs in beside him.] Gideon: I thought I'd find you here. How are you doing? Leo: The wound is healed if that's what you mean. Gideon: No, it's not. Leo: You were right, I know that now. I can't justify staying here any longer. Gideon: Good. Leo: Still, it's not easy. And not just as a father. Gideon: I know. Leo: Do you? Does any Elder? Sometimes I wish you wouldn't have let us break the rules, you wouldn't have let us get married. Gideon: No, you don't. Love and loss forms you Leo. It's who you are and who you always will be. It's a life you'll treasure and an experience you will share. One that helps us better appreciate those we are intrusted to watch over. Leo: It's not fair. Gideon: Sacrifice never is. It's time. (Leo orbs out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Back room. Chris is there all dressed up, looking into a mirror. Clarence walks in.] Clarence: Looking good. Chris: Whoa. Wait, what are you still doing here? Clarence: Don't worry, you're fine. I just wanted to say good luck. Chris: Thanks. Hey, just out of curiosity, why did you tell me all that stuff about living life and enjoying my day if you were coming for me all along? Clarence: Just in case I wasn't leaving with you. You've been given a second chance, Chris. Don't waste it. (Clarence disappears.) [Scene: Manor. Wyatt's room. Piper is there watching Wyatt sleep in his crib. She walks out and closes the door. She walks into her room where Phoebe and Paige are waiting.] Piper: Hi. Phoebe: Hi. Piper: What's going on? Phoebe: Maybe you should sit down for a second. Piper: Oh, that doesn't sound good. Phoebe: No, no, it's good, it's good. I mean, it's, you know, it's not bad. It's a really good thing, it's not a bad thing. I think it's a really good thing, don't you think? Paige: Yeah. I mean, it depends. Piper: Uh-huh, that sounds worse. Paige: No, it's-it's just complicated. Piper: Okay, so why don't you guys just tell me what's going on. Phoebe: Alright. Uh, Paige and I know what happened between you and Leo last night. (Piper chuckles.) Piper: What? Excuse me? Paige: Not because anybody told us or anything, it's just because of Chris. Piper: Chris? Wh-why would Chris know what happened last night? Phoebe: Well, because he wouldn't be here if it didn't. Yeah, see we've known for a while, we just didn't know how to talk to you and Leo about it. Piper: Talk to us about what? Paige: Is this my turn? Phoebe: Yeah. Paige: Yeah. Uh, Chris is your son. Phoebe: Wyatt's brother. Look, I know this is huge... Piper: No, it's, it's not huge because it's not possible, it's crazy because I'm not pregnant. Phoebe: Yeah. Paige: Yeah. Piper: No, I'm not. I mean, how could that happen? I mean, I know how that could happen but it... What am I gonna do? Phoebe: Maybe you should talk to Leo about it. Piper: No, I can't. Phoebe: Why? Piper: Well, because, because, because I can't. (There's a knock at the door and Chris walks in.) Chris: Is this a bad time? (Piper looks at Chris, speechless.) [Scene: Underground. Cave. Gideon and a darklighter are there.] Darklighter: I'm still not quite sure what this was all about. Why somebody of my kind had to die. Why my friend had to die. Gideon: All in good time. Darklighter: We still didn't even accomplish what you wanted. We didn't get the Elder. Gideon: Ah, but in a way you did. Leo's gone. Perhaps not in the way I originally intended, but gone, nonetheless. Darklighter: Well, wasn't he your friend too? Gideon: Yes, he was. We all have to make sacrifices for the greater good. Darklighter: I'm evil. What do I care about the greater good? Gideon: Leo's son is just as much a threat to your kind as he is to mine. We made a mistake in allowing Wyatt to be born. And allowing such a concentration of power to be brought into this world in one being. But now that Leo is gone and the Charmed Ones are unaware, I'm one step closer to being able to correct that mistake, for good.

A Darklighter named Damien sends both Leo and Piper into a trap on the ghostly plane where they are without powers and wounds Leo with his Darklighter crossbow, leaving Phoebe and Paige to fear that they are dead. Meanwhile, Chris is obsessing over the fact that he is out of time, for he must be conceived by Piper and Leo sometime in the next day before he disappears forever having never been conceived. An Angel of Death comes for Chris even as he begins fading but he manages to resist and make a communication bridge between Phoebe and Piper. The two consult with Gideon who is convinced Leo is doomed, provides a way to access the dimension to rescue Piper thinking Leo will be dead. At the end he convinces Leo to act as an Elder and sunder himself from his family, and Gideon is revealed to have plotted the cross dimensional attack to rid himself of Leo, and to have ill intentions towards Wyatt, his real target. By being trapped on the ghostly plane causes Piper and Leo to temporarily rekindle their relationship and sleep together, conceiving Chris. Piper learns at the end of the episode that Chris is her son and that she is pregnant from Phoebe and Paige who realize what happened as Chris returns to existence.

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THE MONSTER OF PELADON BY: BRIAN HAYLES PART TWO 5:30pm - 5:55pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. MINE TUNNEL (ETTIS moves back down the mine tunnel to where another miner is connecting the explosives wire to a detonator.) ETTIS: One of the aliens has just entered the cave with the Queen's champion. We must sacrifice them both. (He joins him in fixing up the detonator.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. CAVE (The DOCTOR examines a piece of trisilicate.) DOCTOR: Yeah, very high grade too. And you say the light that killed Vega Nexos came from in here? (Blor nods and grunts.) DOCTOR: Then there should be some trace. (He starts to look round the cave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. MINE TUNNEL (GEBEK walks up to ETTIS and the miner as they complete their preparations.) GEBEK: What are you doing? ETTIS: I'm restoring the holy mountain, to appease the spirit of Aggedor! (He turns the switch on the detonator and the cave mouth is racked by a huge explosion.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. CAVE (Within, the DOCTOR holds up his arms in protection as part of the roof starts to come down.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. MINE TUNNEL (Outside, the entire cave entrance collapses.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. CAVE (The DOCTOR lies on the floor of the cave with his hands covering his head for protection. He is covered by sand and soil. He gets to his feet as he hears Blor grunting.) DOCTOR: Blor, are you alright? (The Queen's champion lies on the floor nearby along the debris of the rocks. The DOCTOR helps him up.) DOCTOR: Come on. That's it. (Suddenly, the cave is filled with a rising burbling electronic sound and a red, ghostly, still image of Aggedor materialises against a far wall. The DOCTOR looks surprised but Blor screams in terror at the apparition. The DOCTOR silently mouths "What the blazes is that" as the eyes of the spirit glow and a stream of red-hot heat and smoke pours from its mouth as it floats towards them. Blor is surrounded by a red glow and he screams in agony as he falls to the ground, then fades away along with the glow from the spirit of Aggedor. The DOCTOR looks up and sees the "ghost" fade away, leaving him alone and sealed in. He starts to pull at the debris in the blocked-up entrance.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. MINE TUNNEL (GEBEK runs up to the cave entrance on the other side. He sighs and turns to the two young hot-heads who have followed him.) GEBEK: First the armoury, and now this. ETTIS: I have given the alien's cave back to the sacred mountain and made a sacrifice to Aggedor! GEBEK: (Puzzled.) Sacrifice? ETTIS: An alien - and the Queen's champion. They both entered the cave just as I set off the charge. (GEBEK looks at the debris.) GEBEK: Which alien, Ettis? ETTIS: I don't know. A new one - tall, white hair. GEBEK: The Doctor - our one friend among the aliens. He saved my life! (He starts to try and pull the debris away, looking back at his men for help. They hesitate and then join him.) GEBEK: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. CAVE (Within the cave, the DOCTOR is desperately heaving at one large stone which is the major block in the entrance but after a couple of tries, it proves too much for him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. MINE TUNNEL (The Peladonian miners are having a similar lack of success. ETTIS, gasping after the effort, sits down.) ETTIS: It's impossible. What are we gonna do? (GEBEK spots something across the tunnel.) GEBEK: Open up the cave with that! (He has seen the sonic lance. He crosses to the unfamiliar machinery.) ETTIS: But you don't know how to make it work. GEBEK: Then I'll learn. (He starts to operate the controls.) ETTIS: You make one mistake and you're gonna kill your alien friend. GEBEK: Too late now. (They all step back as the sonic lance starts to hum with life. Its central column glows red as the power increases.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. CAVE (Inside the cave, the DOCTOR also hears the hum from the lance and hurriedly steps back. The debris in the entrance starts to ripple and distort as the sonic waves hit it and with a small explosion, a hole is cleared in the rubble. The DOCTOR steps back forward and as he does so, he hears the sound of AGGEDOR materialising again. He looks round and sees the red spectre appear again on the other side of the cave. As the image powers up to deliver another ray of heat, the DOCTOR steps back and then takes a run at the hole.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. MINE TUNNEL (He throws himself through it and lands on the ground outside as the ghost "roars" and the red glow of the ray fills the newly-created hole.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (ALPHA CENTAURI twitters over the machinery in the communications room as SARAH sits on a console, somewhat distracted with concern.) ALPHA CENTAURI: It's a most magnificent installation. If only we can get trisilicate production up to the necessary level, we shall be able to do our own refining. SARAH: Mmm? Oh, yes, yes, I'm sure. The Doctor's been gone an awfully long time, hasn't he? ALPHA CENTAURI: Of course, only Eckersley understands the new refinery fully. I'm sure he'd be glad to explain it to you. SARAH: (Smiles politely.) Oh, I'll look forward to that. (An electronic voice suddenly blares from the main console.) VOICE: Emergency! Emergency! Unauthorised use of explosives has produced a rock fall in the cavern area. SARAH: The cavern! That's where the Doctor's gone! VOICE: Emergency! Emergency! SARAH: I knew it! Something's happened to him. I'm gonna find him! (She looks at the illuminated map on the wall.) ALPHA CENTAURI: Really, it would be most unwise. I'm sure a proper rescue operation will be mounted. SARAH: On this planet? I don't trust any of them. Right! (She puts her jacket on and leaves the room at a run.) ALPHA CENTAURI: These Earth females seem to have a distressing tendency to rash action. (CENTAURI takes hold of a microphone in one of its hands.) ALPHA CENTAURI: (Into microphone.) Engineer Eckersley - please return to the communications room immediately! [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE TEMPLE (SARAH approaches the doors of the temple in which there are cut-out images of AGGEDOR'S head. She checks back and enters the temple. Again she checks that there is no one within and enters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. TEMPLE OF AGGEDOR (She goes straight to the door by which she and the DOCTOR entered and follows his example of working the torch bracket to open the exit. She goes through and...) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. TUNNEL (...closes the door from the other side with the opposing bracket. She sets off into the tunnels.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. MINE TUNNEL ETTIS: (Awed.) The spirit of Aggedor has killed the Queen's champion. (The DOCTOR dusts himself down.) DOCTOR: Yes, well something killed him, poor chap. And it would have killed me too if you hadn't come to the rescue. GEBEK: I owed you my life, Doctor. Now, we're even. (GEBEK salutes him with a hand across the chest and sets off down the tunnel with ETTIS and the other miner but the DOCTOR calls them back.) DOCTOR: Wait! I think I can help you if you'll let me. ETTIS: Don't trust him, Gebek! You've paid your debt. Now let's get out of here before Ortron's guards find us. GEBEK: (To the DOCTOR.) Why should you wish to help us? DOCTOR: For the good of Peladon. You see, I have a special interest in this planet. GEBEK: What can you do? DOCTOR: Well find out who's using Aggedor to frighten your miners, for one thing. ETTIS: Nobody uses Aggedor! His spirit is angry with us! DOCTOR: Possibly. But if you can persuade your miners to go back to work, I think I can persuade the Federation to improve conditions now and not wait until the war is over. ETTIS: The miners will not work while Aggedor is angry. DOCTOR: Exactly - and that's just what somebody wants. Now do you think it's just a coincidence that Aggedor appeared in that cave just as I started my investigations? (The miners suddenly hear noises in the tunnel behind them.) ETTIS: Look out - soldiers! GUARD CAPTAIN: Gebek! There he is! (The guards run forward and a fight of swords, clubs and fists erupts between the DOCTOR and the miners on one side and the guards on the other.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. TUNNEL (Somewhat uncertainly, SARAH makes her way down a tunnel. She comes to a choice of two ways, hesitates and then takes the right-hand fork.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. MINE TUNNEL (The fight is in full swing. Although the guards have the advantage of swords, there is one more on the other side and that one is the DOCTOR who skillfully uses a long pole like a staff to fell one guard. The guard fighting ETTIS is felled with a rock on his head from the other miner and the third receives a sharp jab in the stomach from the DOCTOR'S staff.) GEBEK: Right - this way! Come on. (The DOCTOR and the miners set off further into the tunnels.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. TUNNEL (SARAH is now hopelessly lost in the tunnels. She looks round in confusion and takes one direction.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. TUNNEL OUTSIDE REFINERY (She emerges outside a man-made structure built into the rock. There is a thick metal door and to the left of it an oval frosted window with a light from within and the vague figure of a shape moving beyond. SARAH sighs with relief and runs up to the window.) SARAH: (Shouts.) Hey! Hey, you in there! Er, I'm afraid I'm lost. (The figure within, large, bulky and green, moves across the window and then the light goes out.) SARAH: (Shouts.) Ah, hey look! I know you're in there! Come on, I saw you - please?! I only want to find my way out of these tunnels! (SARAH runs to the door and starts to bang on it. Almost instantly she is enveloped in a maelstrom of light and sound. She cries out in pain and slams her hands to her head in agony.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (ALPHA CENTAURI paces the communications room as ECKERSLEY runs in.) ECKERSLEY: Alright, chum, here I am! What's all the panic? ALPHA CENTAURI: There's been an explosion in the cavern. ECKERSLEY: What? ALPHA CENTAURI: The Doctor was there and the young female went to find him. (ECKERSLEY looks up at his illuminated alarm board.) ECKERSLEY: Something's happened. ALPHA CENTAURI: Neither has returned. ECKERSLEY: It's the refinery. It must be those miners again. (As the red light flashes behind the indicator marked "REFINERY DOOR", ECKERSLEY switches on a monitor. On it appears SARAH caught in the cacophony of light and sound.) ECKERSLEY: Lord! What's she doing in there? She must have triggered off the automatic defence system. (He switches the system off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. TUNNEL OUTSIDE REFINERY (As the light and sound dies away, SARAH collapses onto the floor unconscious.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM ALPHA CENTAURI: How unfortunate! What a catastrophe! Has she been harmed? ECKERSLEY: That depends. If she's been under it too long, her brain will be... (ECKERSLEY suddenly looks intensely worried.) ECKERSLEY: We'd better go and get her out of there. (They rush from the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. MINE TUNNEL (The DOCTOR and the others have met up with more miners in the tunnels. They sit round a small brazier, sipping drinks.) GEBEK: But our lives have always been the same, Doctor - work and sleep - little else. (The miners mutter in agreement.) GEBEK: We earn barely enough to feed our families. PREBA: The Federation told us things'd be better. So they are for the nobles of the court. We got nothing as usual! (There is more muttering of agreement.) ETTIS: And now, they take the sonic lance down into the mine to rip the heart out of the sacred mountain. No wonder Aggedor's angry with these people. (There are mutters of agreement.) DOCTOR: Yes, well I don't believe all that. I think the Aggedor that we've seen is nothing but technological trickery. (GEBEK is almost amused.) GEBEK: But who's causing it? DOCTOR: I dunno, but I'm determined to find out. ETTIS: And what are we going to do? DOCTOR: Nothing! We don't want any more idiotic tricks like that attack on the armoury. (ETTIS, ever the hot-head, leaps to his feet.) ETTIS: But we nearly succeeded, didn't we? MINER: That's right! (The others also mutter their agreement. The DOCTOR also stands.) DOCTOR: You didn't stand a chance! Those armoury doors are electronically controlled from the communications room. (The DOCTOR fails to see the effect this piece of intelligence has on ETTIS.) DOCTOR: Now that sort of thing just gets people killed for nothing. Now, please, all of you - just sit tight and give me a chance to work things out, mm? (GEBEK reaches a decision and stands.) GEBEK: Very well, Doctor. We shall take your advice. DOCTOR: Thank you, Gebek. (GEBEK turns to his miners.) GEBEK: I believe the Doctor to be our friend. Now there is to be no more fighting till I give the word - is that understood? (There are unenthusiastic mutters of "yes" from the all the miners except ETTIS.) GEBEK: Ettis? ETTIS: (Brusquely.) Yes. GEBEK: Right, Doctor. DOCTOR: Splendid. Now I'd like to have a talk to Queen Thalira, preferably without Ortron breathing down the back of my neck. GEBEK: There are many secret ways from here to the citadel. Er, Preba knows them all. He shall lead us. (PREBA leads the DOCTOR away.) GEBEK: The rest of you - stay here. (GEBEK follows PREBA and the DOCTOR. ETTIS watches to make sure that they have gone and then turns back fanatically to the remaining miners.) ETTIS: I say...we attack again, and this time we shall succeed - now we know how to open the armoury door. [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. TUNNEL OUTSIDE REFINERY (SARAH comes to and sits up groggily just as ECKERSLEY runs up. He kneels down to help her.) ECKERSLEY: Here, Sarah...are you alright? SARAH: Er...yes. ECKERSLEY: Sure? SARAH: I think so. ECKERSLEY: Good SARAH: But...what was it? ECKERSLEY: You set off the automatic defence system. There's a bit of magic to scare off the natives. SARAH: All that just to protect your precious machinery? You're very keen on security, aren't you? (She gets to her feet helped by ECKERSLEY.) ECKERSLEY: Yes, on planets like this it pays to be. (ALPHA CENTAURI comes shuffling up.) ALPHA CENTAURI: What were you trying to do? SARAH: (Defensively.) Look, I was lost - that's all. There was someone in there and I wanted to ask the way. ECKERSLEY: There's nobody in there. The whole place is on shutdown. SARAH: I tell you I saw someone moving... ECKERSLEY: (Interrupts.) Hallucinations. You're still suffering from my little bag of tricks. SARAH: I tell you I did see someone in there before all the noise and lights started. ECKERSLEY: (Softly.) There's nobody in there...and nobody's getting in there. ALPHA CENTAURI: Are you well enough to move? ECKERSLEY: Can you walk? SARAH: Course. (She takes a step and staggers a little...) SARAH: Oh. (...and is caught by ECKERSLEY.) ALPHA CENTAURI: Then I suggest we return. SARAH: Alright, yes. (ECKERSLEY helps lead her away but a thought strikes her and she turns back to CENTAURI who has been looking at the darkened refinery window.) SARAH: Oh! The Doctor - h...have you heard what's happened to him? ALPHA CENTAURI: No. Let us return to the communications room. By now there may be news. SARAH: Yes. (ECKERSLEY leads SARAH away. CENTAURI turns back to the window.) ECKERSLEY: Are you coming? (CENTAURI follows the two humans. After he has gone, the large bulky green figure moves back to the frosted glass.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. TUNNEL (PREBA leads the DOCTOR and GEBEK down a tunnel. He suddenly indicates to them to stop and listens ahead through an arch in the rock.) GEBEK: (Whispers.) What is it? PREBA: (Whispers.) Soldiers. GEBEK: (Whispers.) Searching the tunnels for me. DOCTOR: (Whispers.) Ortron doesn't give up easily, does he? (To PREBA.) Can we lose him? PREBA: (Whispers.) Well, not without blocking the way we wish to follow. GEBEK: (Whispers.) If we...only distract their attention in some way? PREBA: (Whispers.) Well, that's it! I'll lead them off. GEBEK: (Whispers.) Well no, if they catch you... PREBA: (Whispers.) A load of clod-hopping soldiers catch me? I've played in these tunnels since I was a boy. Quick - hide in there. (He points to a small side-cave. The DOCTOR and GEBEK enter it. PREBA walks forward and makes sure that the soldiers catch sight of him.) GUARD CAPTAIN: There he is! After him! (PREBA runs off into the maze of tunnels pursued by the guards. After they have gone, GEBEK emerges from the side cave. He indicates to the DOCTOR to stay where he is and checks ahead through the arch. However, not all of the soldiers have gone after PREBA and two step out with their swords drawn.) GUARD CAPTAIN: Halt, Gebek. You're under arrest. (They walk up to him and push him back through the arch.) GUARD CAPTAIN: Right, back to the citadel. (They go through another arch and the DOCTOR steps out and grabs both of the guards with a nerve pinch on their necks. They cry out and fall to the ground, enabling the DOCTOR and GEBEK to run off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. THRONE ROOM (ORTRON speaks to the Queen...) ORTRON: Blor has been slain by the wrath of Aggedor like the others. All of this trouble began as soon as the Doctor arrived on Peladon. THALIRA: That does not prove that the Doctor is our enemy. If it was the spirit of Aggedor... ORTRON: (Interrupts.) Your Majesty, the Doctor was seen with Gebek and the other rebels. He helped them escape a second time. THALIRA: (Distraught.) But why, Ortron?! Why would he turn against us?! ORTRON: Because he has been sent here to stir up the miners. THALIRA: (Puzzled.) He was my father's friend. He said he wanted to help us. ORTRON: Oh, a trick - to gain your confidence. And anyway, after fifty years, who can be sure it's the same man? (THALIRA ascends the steps of the throne.) THALIRA: What is your counsel, Lord Ortron? ORTRON: The revolt must be crushed and crushed now. The Doctor must be captured and executed! [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. PASSAGE (SARAH is much recovered as ECKERSLEY and ALPHA CENTAURI lead her down the passages of the citadel and back to the communications room.) SARAH: You're overdoing things. Alright, so...so you need an alarm system. Does it have to be something that drives people out of their minds? ECKERSLEY: You must remember - we're strangers on this planet. (Round a corner, ETTIS waits in hiding.) ECKERSLEY: We're not very popular, therefore we have to protect ourselves. SARAH: Protect yourselves?! ALPHA CENTAURI: Those ... Peladonians are still close to barbarism. They have a great distrust of progress. SARAH: Well maybe that's because they're not getting anything out of it. You've got to show them that progress will give them a better life. ECKERSLEY: It's no good, Sarah. The only thing these people understand... (ETTIS jumps out of hiding and clubs ECKERSLEY to the ground, then grabs SARAH round the neck. ALPHA CENTAURI becomes hysterical...) ALPHA CENTAURI: Help! Help! We're being attacked! Help! ETTIS: Be silent, alien! You're wasting your breath! (He prods CENTAURI forward to the communications room with his sword.) ETTIS: Inside! ALPHA CENTAURI: Oh! Oh! (They move off leaving ECKERSLEY behind.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (SARAH and CENTAURI are pushed into the communications room by ETTIS who then shuts the double doors.) ETTIS: Now you won't be harmed...so long as you do what you're told. ALPHA CENTAURI: What is it you want us to do? ETTIS: I want you to open the armoury door. (CENTAURI pompously turns his back on the miner.) ALPHA CENTAURI: That is out of the question. Natives of primitive planets are forbidden access to sophisticated weapons. (ETTIS throws SARAH across the room...) SARAH: Oh! (...and points his sword menacingly at her.) ETTIS: Open the door! ALPHA CENTAURI: Only Eckersley knows how to operate the controls. I do not. ETTIS: I advise you to try - for your sake and for hers. (He places the sword on SARAH'S throat.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. TUNNEL GEBEK: (Whispers.) We must move quietly now, Doctor. The nearer we get to the citadel, the greater the danger. (They move on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE ARMOURY (Two soldiers now stand on guard outside the re-closed armoury. However, they are suddenly surprised by a large group of miners armed with swords who rush them. After a short fight, the guards are overcome and the doors re-opened.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (One of ALPHA CENTAURI'S pincer hands hesitates over the switch controlling the true armoury doors.) ETTIS: Hurry, alien. (He pulls SARAH close to him and holds the sword across her.) ETTIS: Must I prove that I mean what I say? (CENTAURI flicks the switch down.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. ARMOURY (The inner doors to the armoury glide open and the exuberant miners pour in. As an alarm blares out, they start to help themselves to the multitude of futuristic weapons held on the metal shelving.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. THRONE ROOM (A worried ORTRON runs into the throne room.) ORTRON: Your Majesty? (He bows.) THALIRA: (Concerned.) Lord Ortron, what is it? ORTRON: There's been another attack on the Federation armoury. The inner door has been opened. You see, your Majesty, already the rebellion has begun. This is what comes of softness with the common people. [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. ARMOURY (The miners finish emptying the shelves and run out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE ARMOURY (Immediately they get a chance to use their newly acquired weapons when a number of guards run up. They are quickly shot down by the blasters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 37: INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM (ETTIS stands behind one of the closed doors of the communications room and watches more guards run past towards the armoury. He swings round accusingly on ALPHA CENTAURI.) ETTIS: You've betrayed me! You switched on the alarm! ALPHA CENTAURI: I warned you I did not fully understand the control mechanism. (ETTIS raises his sword and runs towards ALPHA CENTAURI.) SARAH: No! (CENTAURI screams as SARAH grabs ETTIS' arm and pushes him back.) SARAH: Can't you see he's telling the truth? Now you've got what you came for - why don't you go while you still can? ETTIS: That's a good idea, alien - and I'll take you with me. (He takes SARAH by the arm.) SARAH: No! ETTIS: As a hostage! (He starts to drag her towards the door.) ALPHA CENTAURI: ... ! SARAH: Ambassador, do something!... ! (He pulls her into the passage.) ALPHA CENTAURI: You leave her alone! (CENTUARI follows them out.) SARAH: (OOV: In passage.) Get off! ALPHA CENTAURI: Come back! Come back! Oh, dear! [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. PASSAGE (ECKERSLEY still lies unconscious in the passage as CENTAURI bustles up to him.) ALPHA CENTAURI: Eckersley! Eckersley, please! Eckersley, please wake up! The armoury has been robbed! (CENTAURI nudges ECKERSLEY'S foot and the engineer starts to come round.) ALPHA CENTAURI: Wake up! The Doctor's friend has been taken hostage! Eckersley, please - wake up! [SCENE_BREAK] 39: INT. PASSAGE (The newly armed miners run towards the tapestry covering of the secret entrance to the tunnels. ETTIS, still holding SARAH, comes from the other direction.) SARAH: Oh, let go! It won't do you no good - it won't help you! ETTIS: We've got the weapons! (SARAH manages to pull herself away from ETTIS and runs back towards the communications room. ETTIS is about to follow but hears ORTRON'S voice...) ORTRON: (OOV: Down passage.) Seize her! Do not let her escape! (He therefore quickly runs behind the tapestry and into the tunnels. Meanwhile, SARAH has run from the frying pan and into the fire as she is held firmly between two guards. She cries out as ORTRON approaches her.) SARAH: But you...you don't understand! I didn't want to go with them - I was trying to escape! ORTRON: Take her to the temple! (Struggling, she is dragged away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 40: INT. TUNNEL GEBEK: We're almost at the citadel now, Doctor. (Suddenly the newly armed miners run past without stopping. GEBEK and the DOCTOR watch them in surprise but GEBEK manages to stop the final miner in the group - ETTIS.) GEBEK: Ettis! What new folly is this? ETTIS: (Triumphantly.) No folly, Gebek - victory! Now that we've got the new Federation weapons, we'll see who rules on Peladon! (He runs past GEBEK after his fellow rebels.) GEBEK: I must go with them, Doctor. Perhaps I can prevent more madness. DOCTOR: Yes, don't worry about me, old chap. I think I know my way from now on. Good luck. (The two go their separate ways.) [SCENE_BREAK] 41: INT. ARMOURY (ECKERSLEY and ALPHA CENTAURI have gone to the armoury. ECKERSLEY helps the GUARD CAPTAIN with one of his downed men while CENTAURI hovers in the doorway.) ECKERSLEY: Yes, well, that's really done it. With modern weapons in their hands, there's no end to the damage these lunatics can do. ALPHA CENTAURI: I know, Eckersley, and it's all my fault. ECKERSLEY: Yes. ALPHA CENTAURI: I shall resign immediately. The disgrace! ECKERSLEY: Well it's done now. There's no point in going on about it. ALPHA CENTAURI: I think I could have faced death for myself in an honourable cause... (ECKERLSEY steps outside the armoury.) [SCENE_BREAK] 42: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE ARMOURY ALPHA CENTAURI: But he threatened the girl. I was unable to stand by and let him inflict violence on a fellow creature. ECKERSLEY: Where is she now? ALPHA CENTAURI: Presumably, she's still Ettis' prisoner. [SCENE_BREAK] 43: INT. ARMOURY (The GUARD CAPTAIN speaks up from inside the armoury.) GUARD CAPTAIN: No, Ambassador, she was recaptured by the guards. ALPHA CENTAURI: Captured? She's a victim, not a criminal. GUARD CAPTAIN: Well Chancellor Ortron said she was helping them. ECKERSLEY: Where is she now? GUARD CAPTAIN: Well, she's been taken to the temple. [SCENE_BREAK] 44: INT. TEMPLE OF AGGEDOR (SARAH stands before ORTRON...) SARAH: No, no, now look, this is all...a ridiculous mistake. ORTRON: (Accusingly.) You were in collusion with the rebel, Ettis. SARAH: Of course I wasn't! ORTRON: It was because of you that the Ambassador was forced to open the armoury door. Is that not true? SARAH: W...well, yes, in a way, I suppose it was. ORTRON: Then you admit your guilt? SARAH: The Ambassador opened the door because Ettis threatened to kill me. Now you can't say that means I was helping him. [SCENE_BREAK] 45: INT. TUNNEL (The DOCTOR runs up to the tunnel door behind the temple and listens carefully for sounds within the temple itself.) [SCENE_BREAK] 46: INT. TEMPLE OF AGGEDOR ORTRON: Your whole plot is clear to me now. You arrived on this planet with only one aim - to stir up the common people... SARAH: That's not true...! ORTRON: (Interrupts.) And overthrow the traditional rulers - the nobility of Peladon. You joined with the rebel, Ettis... (Ranting on, ORTRON turns his back and fails to see the secret door opening and the DOCTOR entering.) ORTRON: ...while the Doctor allies himself with the other traitor, Gebek! SARAH: No! DOCTOR: Do forgive me, old chap, but you've got it all wrong. SARAH: Doctor! (She runs to him.) ORTRON: Arrest him! SARAH: You're safe! They said you'd been blown up in the cavern! (The DOCTOR is held and SARAH is pulled back.) DOCTOR: Well I very nearly was. SARAH: Ettis has just robbed the armoury. DOCTOR: Yes, I know. I've just met him in the tunnels. ORTRON: So, Doctor, you too admit your guilt! DOCTOR: (Sharply.) My dear chap, you're just not listening, are you? No one's admitting anything. But if you'll take my advice, you'll try and get on the right side of Gebek. Without him, you've got a full scale revolution on your hands. ORTRON: I need no advice from spies and saboteurs! DOCTOR: Look, just take me to the Queen. There's a good chap. ORTRON: There's no need to trouble the Queen, Doctor. I shall deal with you myself. Here in the temple, my will is law. I shall consult the judgement of Aggedor. (He signals for SARAH to be pulled back and then stands over the font-like container. He throws in a pellet of the phosphorescent substance.) ORTRON: Oh, mighty Aggedor, make known they will. (He then stands with his arms aloft before the statue to receive his divine guidance...) ORTRON: How shall we punish those who have offended against thee? (SARAH looks at the DOCTOR in concern.) [SCENE_BREAK] 47: INT. THRONE ROOM (ALPHA CENTAURI has gone with ECKERSLEY to the throne room to plead with the Queen.) ALPHA CENTAURI: Believe me, your Majesty - Chancellor Ortron has totally misinterpreted the facts. THALIRA: Engineer Eckersley, can you confirm the Ambassador's story? ECKERSLEY: I can't confirm anything, your Majesty. I got hit on the head when it all started. ALPHA CENTAURI: But you know that Sarah is not in league with the rebels? ECKERSLEY: It seems highly unlikely... (Doubtfully.) ...though I suppose...no. THALIRA: Well? ECKERSLEY: (To CENTAURI.) Well, it was because of her that you finally did open the door. I suppose it could have been a put-up job. ALPHA CENTAURI: Nonsense! The whole idea's absurd! The girl was Ettis' prisoner - not his accomplice. You must believe that, your Majesty? THALIRA: I'm prepared to trust your judgement, Ambassador. But what I believe is of little importance. In the temple, Ortron's power is absolute. There is nothing I can do! [SCENE_BREAK] 48: INT. TEMPLE OF AGGEDOR (ORTRON turns from the statue.) DOCTOR: Well? And what did he say? ORTRON: You have blasphemed in the temple of Aggedor, therefore by Aggedor shall you both be punished! DOCTOR: Both? ORTRON: She shares your guilt - she will share your punishment. (To the guards.) Prepare the pit! [SCENE_BREAK] 49: INT. THRONE ROOM ALPHA CENTAURI: But your Majesty, whatever your traditions, I beg you in the name of mercy to override them. THALIRA: Oh, I wish that I could, Ambassador. ALPHA CENTAURI: But you are the Queen. (THALIRA gets to her feet in frustration.) THALIRA: Yes, a Queen who's looked upon as little more than a child! ALPHA CENTAURI: Many things have changed on Peladon, your Majesty. Perhaps this too...should change? (THALIRA looks closely at ALPHA CENTAURI, then smiles and makes up her mind.) THALIRA: You will come with me. (She heads for the door and CENTAURI scuttles after her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 50: INT. TEMPLE OF AGGEDOR (Two of the guards lift and pull aside the heavy stone font revealing a circular hatch in the floor. This, is turn, is lifted to reveal a dark hole in the floor. The DOCTOR takes a pace forward and looks into it but stops SARAH doing the same and looks in a calculating manner at the guards.) [SCENE_BREAK] 51: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE TEMPLE (THALIRA and ALPHA CENTAURI have reached the temple and stand outside the door which is blocked by a cringing guard.) THALIRA: You will admit us to the temple. [SCENE_BREAK] 52: INT. TEMPLE OF AGGEDOR (Her words are heard within.) ORTRON: Hurry - cast them into the pit! DOCTOR: Don't be a fool! [SCENE_BREAK] 53: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE TEMPLE THALIRA: (To the guard.) No doors are barred to the Queen - stand aside! [SCENE_BREAK] 54: INT. TEMPLE OF AGGEDOR (The DOCTOR is thrown into the pit...) [SCENE_BREAK] 55: INT. TEMPLE PIT (...where he falls through the darkness with a cry. He lands on soil covered in straw and some scattered bones. He quickly gets to his feet and catches SARAH as she comes down with a scream. They both fall to the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 56: INT. TEMPLE OF AGGEDOR (THALIRA has gained access to the temple. As she and CENTAURI rush in, the guards stand hurriedly back...) THALIRA: Where is the girl?! We dema... (...revealing the open pit. The words die in her mouth. She looks at ORTRON.) ORTRON: The decision is no longer yours or mine, your Majesty. The girl and the Doctor have gone to face the judgement of Aggedor. [SCENE_BREAK] 57: INT. TEMPLE PIT (The DOCTOR and SARAH get to their feet somewhat unsteadily.) SARAH: Oh...ow... DOCTOR: You alright, Sarah? SARAH: Well, I don't think anything's broken. (She looks up.) SARAH: What are they going to do - just leave us here? DOCTOR: No, I think there's more to it than that. (SARAH sniffs the air.) SARAH: Ooh! That smell - it's...it's sort of musky. Like...like the lion house at the zoo... (The words are barely out of her mouth when they hear a quiet roar in the pitch-black darkness behind them.) SARAH: (Alarmed.) Oh, Doctor, there's something in here with us - something alive! DOCTOR: Yes, I know. Now don't move, Sarah. (As the quiet roars continue, he reaches into his pocket and takes out his pen-torch. Switching it on, he slowly casts it round the darkness. Suddenly the light is cast on the source of the sound - AGGEDOR! The royal beast rears up and screams out a roar through its fanged mouth...)

The Doctor is rescued by Gebek, prompting him to try and help the miners, but his advice results in Ettis launching another attack on the armoury.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_02x16

fd_Gilmore_Girls_02x16_0

2.16 - There's the Rub OPEN IN LUKE'S DINER [Luke's apartment is under construction. Luke delivers food to some customers, a chunk of the ceiling falls onto the table.] LUKE: Here you go. Geez, uh, sorry folks. Uh, here. . .there we go. Free coffee all around. You might wanna put your hand over that. There we go. [walks over to construction worker] Tom, what the hell is going on up there? TOM: We're redoing your apartment. What do you think is going on up there? LUKE: The ceiling's falling in. I've got customers eating drywall here. TOM: Oh, well, that can't be good. LUKE: You said minimal disruptions. TOM: Hey, this is minimal disruptions. Look, I need you to sign this change order. LUKE: What happened now? TOM: Well, we broke through this wall and we found some pipes that shouldn't be there. We gotta move them. LUKE: Move them where? TOM: Not sure. We gotta find out what they do first. LUKE: You're kidding? TOM: Oh yeah. There's nothing I like more than a good moving a pipe' joke. LUKE: Fine, one more week, that's it. TOM: Oh, sure, construction ultimatum. Ha, that's even funnier than my moving pipe joke. [Lorelai and Rory walk in] LORELAI: Hey. LUKE: Hey. LORELAI: Geez, look at this place. RORY: It's a mess. LORELAI: How long . LUKE: Nope can't sit here. LORELAI: Why not? LUKE: Three people got nailed in the head here earlier. LORELAI: But their food was okay, right? LUKE: Will you just move? [Lorelai's cell phone rings] Outside. LORELAI: You know, if I sit here one more second, I just might be outside. Order me some coffee. [Lorelai walks away; Jess walks over to the table and hands Rory an open umbrella] LUKE: Oh, you are really funny. You and Tom should put an act together. I'd leave it open. [cut to outside] LORELAI: Go ahead Mom, I can hear you now. EMILY: I wanted to know if you'd like a gift certificate for a weekend at the Birch Grove Spa. LORELAI: Are you serious? EMILY: I bid on it at the DAR Symphony Fundraiser and I won. LORELAI: Birch Grove? That's supposed to be an amazing place, why don't you go? EMILY: Oh, I've never had any real desire to go to a spa. LORELAI: Why'd you bid on it then? EMILY: It was for charity, I had to bid on something. And I certainly didn't want another portrait of George Washington. I've got four in the attic already. LORELAI: Well, I'd love it. EMILY: Good. LORELAI: Two days of total mind-numbing pampering. Massages, facials, aromatherapy. EMILY: My goodness, you make it sound like heaven. LORELAI: It's as close as you'll ever come to being a dog. EMILY: I beg your pardon? LORELAI: You know, a whole life of nothing but eating, sleeping, lying on your back and getting rubbed. EMILY: I'd love the comparison to stop there. LORELAI: Deal. Um, hey, when's it for? EMILY: This weekend, actually. LORELAI: Oh, well, I'll be there. EMILY: So will I. LORELAI: Excuse me? EMILY: Well, the certificate is for two, and since you make it sound like the most wonderful place in the world, I might as well try it with you. LORELAI: Oh, but - . EMILY: That's all right, isn't it, if I join you? You don't mind? LORELAI: No, I don't mind at all. EMILY: Wonderful. I'll pick you up tomorrow morning. You know, I'm actually looking forward to this. LORELAI: Oh yeah, me too. Thanks Mom. Buh bye. CUT TO INSIDE LUKE'S [Rory is sitting at the table holding the umbrella over her head. Lorelai walks in and sits down] LORELAI: I'm going to a spa with my mother. RORY: Lean forward. [opening credits] CUT TO LORELAI'S BEDROOM [Lorelai is sitting on the bed as Rory walks around packing a suitcase] LORELAI: [on phone] So, then we're all confirmed. Uh, great. Thanks so much for your help. Okay, bye. [hangs up] Yeeessss! RORY: That was an evil yes. LORELAI: Not an evil yes. It's a yes, I'm pretty, but hello, I'm smart' kind of a yes. RORY: Oh, my mistake. LORELAI: So here's the deal I go into my facial just as my mother is finishing her salt glow, which will end ten minutes after I've hit my scalp treatment which puts me in the watsu massage pool at least six minutes into her back facial. Uh, in fact, the day is so well planned, I won't see her until dinner which will be cut tragically short by the food poisoning I plan to contract. RORY: You are twelve and disgusting. LORELAI: I am trapped and desperate. RORY: You really think you can avoid Grandma the entire weekend? LORELAI: Hey, I'm nothing if not a great organizer. Now, let's talk about what you're gonna do tonight. Throwing a party, I hope? Inviting hundreds of bikers and lowlifes who are gonna trash the place? RORY: I am going to do laundry, watch TV, order Indian food and go to bed early. LORELAI: And then come the bikers and lowlifes who are gonna trash the place? RORY: I may even fall asleep on the couch with the TV on. LORELAI: When do the bikers and lowlifes get to trash the place? RORY: You're all packed. LORELAI: Rory, you have to do something bad when Mommy's out of town. It's the law. You're seen Risky Business, right? Now I'm not asking for a prostitution ring, but how about a floating craps game or something? RORY: I'll see what I can do. LORELAI: I would greatly appreciate it. [a car honks from outside] RORY: I think Grandma's here. LORELAI: What's she honking for? She hates honking. She calls it a mechanical bodily function. [looks out window] Ugh, geez. RORY: [looks out window] Oh, cool! CUT TO OUTSIDE [Emily is standing in front of a limousine as Rory and Lorelai walk out of the house] EMILY: Hello, hello, hello! LORELAI: What, are we going to the prom? EMILY: I just thought since this weekend is all about relaxing, we should start with the ride. RORY: This is cool, Grandma. EMILY: Thank you, Rory. So, are we all ready to go? LORELAI: I guess so, Miss Daisy. Bye sweets. RORY: Bye. Bye Grandma. EMILY: Goodbye Rory. RORY: Have a good time. LORELAI: Bikers and lowlifes. RORY: I'll get right on it. CUT TO CHILTON CLASSROOM TEACHER: In general, the lab reports weren't bad but they weren't great either, which leads me to question whether everyone has the grasp of electrochemistry I prefer before we move on. To that end, I will be giving another test on Tuesday covering chapters fourteen through eighteen in your textbooks, as well as the material from lab. Now please proceed with the assignment we all started yesterday, as that too will be included on the test. PARIS: Madeline? MADELINE: What? PARIS: What are you guys doing tonight? MADELINE: It's Friday night. PARIS: So you've got dates? MADELINE: Well, yeah, why? PARIS: I was kind of hoping you could study with me. MADELINE: On a Friday night? PARIS: Yes. MADELINE: But we've got dates. LOUISE: What is she saying? MADELINE: She wants us to study with her. LOUISE: On a Friday night? MADELINE: Yeah. LOUISE: But we've got dates. PARIS: I know you have dates, I was hoping maybe you'd cancel them. MADELINE: To study? PARIS: Yes. MADELINE: On a Friday night? LOUISE: What'd she say? MADELINE: She wants us to cancel our dates to study. LOUISE: On a Friday night? MADELINE: That's what she said. LOUISE: But we have - . PARIS: Oh my God, forget it! [walks over to Rory] So, I suppose that you have big Friday night plans also? RORY: Well, kind of. PARIS: So the fact that I'm seeing my entire Harvard career slip away apparently is of no interest to anyone? RORY: What are you talking about? PARIS: I got an A-minus, okay? RORY: So? PARIS: What do you mean, so? I got an A-minus. I have never gotten an A-minus. I just can't focus lately. Things are so weird at my house. My dad finally figured out exactly how much it was gonna cost him to divorce my mom, so now he's back and it's bad enough that I wasted all that time crunching the numbers with him, but now that he's back, they're fighting and redecorating. The place is a mess. I need help. RORY: Look, I can't tonight, but if you're still freaked out after the quiz on Tuesday, I will spend everyday next week helping you prepare for the final, okay? PARIS: I guess. RORY: Relax. It will be fine, I promise. PARIS: All I had to do was move a decimal point and none of this would've happened. CUT TO BIRCH GROVE SPA [Emily and Lorelai walk into the lobby] EMILY: Oh, look at this place. It's lovely. And that smell what is that, eucalyptus? LORELAI: I don't know. EMILY: Well, it's lovely. Oh Lorelai, come over here, look. They have cucumber slices in the water. LORELAI: Oh wow! Now if they have ranch dressing in the soap dispensers, this place is great. EMILY: You know what? I love it here. LORELAI: Hm. Careful Mom, that's how they get you in the Moonies. EMILY: I feel more relaxed already. Mm, that's the most delicious water I've ever had. Have a sip. LORELAI: Let's just check in, shall we? EMILY: Okay. [they walk to the front desk] Hello, I'm Emily Gilmore. This is my daughter, Lorelai. BOBBY: Ah, yes, welcome to Birch Grove. My name is Bobby. I have everything all set for you. Do you have luggage? LORELAI: Yes, it's in the Luca Brasi mobile out front. BOBBY: Okay, well, we can take care of that for you. Here are your room keys and a copy of all of your spa activities. You ladies are booked solid, I see. EMILY: Well, we intend to leave here completely different people. LORELAI: Yes, I'm going to be Ted Nugent. BOBBY: Anyhow, your rooms are right down this hall. Fruit and yogurt is served by the pool in the mornings, and your lunch and dinner seatings are on that itinerary. Any questions? LORELAI: Yes, where can one get a cup of coffee around here? BOBBY: Ah, we don't serve anything with caffeine here. LORELAI: And you think that's safe? EMILY: Thank you, Bobby. We're sure we're going to have a wonderful time. LORELAI: Mom, there's no coffee. EMILY: It won't kill you to go two days without coffee, Lorelai. LORELAI: No, I think it will. EMILY: Lorelai, just focus on all the pampering we're going to have. Look at all the wonderful things we have to look forward to. LORELAI: Oh no. EMILY: What? LORELAI: Oh, um, I'll be right back. They screwed up our appointments. EMILY: Again? LORELAI: What do you mean, again? EMILY: Well, on the way to your house I called to confirm our schedule and found out they had us booked separately for every single one of our treatments. Luckily, I insisted on speaking to a manager and was able to straighten everything out. Yes, those are right. LORELAI: They are? EMILY: I even had them move the pedicure tubs together in the same room so we can talk during it. LORELAI: Okay, I'm really gonna need a cup of coffee. EMILY: Have some cucumber water. LORELAI: No, see, that's not gonna do it because it's . EMILY: Drink, Lorelai. LORELAI: cucumber water. Yuck. CUT TO STARS HOLLOW [Rory and Dean are kissing by a tree] RORY: Wow, your lung capacity certainly has improved. DEAN: Well, I've been playing a lot more basketball lately. RORY: Yet another reason to continue the fight to keep physical education in schools. DEAN: So, tonight. RORY: Yes? DEAN: I was thinking. RORY: Yes? DEAN: Since your mother's gonna be gone. RORY: Mm hmm. DEAN: Maybe I'd come over. RORY: Oh. DEAN: What? RORY: Actually, I was thinking of pulling kind of a hermit thing tonight. DEAN: Why? RORY: I don't know. J.D. Salinger seems to dig it. DEAN: You don't want me to come over? RORY: No, I just. . .I almost never get the house all to myself and I thought with my mom gone, I can finally do my laundry exactly the way I like it. You know, not just separated into whites and colors, but the colors separated into darks, mediums, and lights, with a separate pile for white T-shirts and T-shirts with some kind of writing on them, like, you know, Rock Star, Evil, or Kafka was here. DEAN: You wanna be alone to do laundry? RORY: And watch TV and eat the Indian food that I love but my mom hates the smell of and go to bed early and. . .are you mad? DEAN: Why would I be mad? You wanna spend tonight alone. RORY: But hey, tomorrow, the whole day is all about you. I mean it, from morning til night. You plan it, or I'll plan it, or we can get a professional to plan it, whatever you want. Just don't be mad. DEAN: I'm not. I'm not mad. RORY: Good. DEAN: I'm confused, but I'm not mad. RORY: Fine DEAN: I'm a saint, but I'm not mad. RORY: Thank you. DEAN: You're welcome. RORY: So, deep breath and. . . CUT TO BIRCH GROVE SPA [Lorelai is in her room unpacking. She hears knocking and opens the door to the hallway. No one's there, so she opens another door. Emily walks in wearing a bathrobe.] EMILY: How do I look? LORELAI: Like a landlady. What is this? EMILY: I got adjoining rooms so we don't have to go out in the hallway to get to each other. LORELAI: Great thinking! EMILY: God, this robe is fabulous. How do they get it so soft? LORELAI: Well, I think having about forty other people wear it first is part of the secret. EMILY: Oh, stop it. So are you all ready for our skin rejuvenating and revitalizing collagen facial and eye treatment? LORELAI: Almost. EMILY: It has vitamin C and plant extracts in it, which is the hottest thing in skin care these days. And the eye treatment is supposed to reduce puffiness and minimize the appearance of fine lines. LORELAI: Okay, no more brochures for you. All right, I'm ready, let's go. EMILY: Aren't you gonna wear your robe? LORELAI: What? EMILY: Your robe, you're supposed to wear your robe. LORELAI: Oh, well, I'm sure they'll give me one when I get there. EMILY: But these robes are wonderful. LORELAI: Mom. EMILY: They help you relax. LORELAI: We're late, Mom. EMILY: They're wonderful, relaxing robes. LORELAI: Oh my God. EMILY: And yet, you stand there like it's some badge of honor not to put on your robe like everyone else in this place. [Lorelai goes into the bathroom to change] This isn't for me, you know, it's for you. I already have on my robe. I'm already relaxed. What are you doing? LORELAI: [from bathroom] You're kidding me, right? EMILY: Well, hurry up, we're gonna be late. LORELAI: [opens bathroom door] Happy? EMILY: Apparently you didn't see the matching slippers. CUT TO FACIAL ROOM FACIALIST: So, how are we doing? LORELAI: So good. FACIALIST: Okay. Well, I'm gonna leave you to sit for a few minutes, so just relax and enjoy, and I'll be right back. LORELAI: Thanks. [As the facialist leaves, Lorelai closes her eyes. Emily quietly enters the room and sits down next to Lorelai.] EMILY: Are your feet sweating? LORELAI: Mom? EMILY: Those booties make my feet sweat. Don't they make your feet sweat? LORELAI: What are you doing in my room? EMILY: Magda left me sitting for twenty minutes. Fine time to take a coffee break. LORELAI: She's not taking a coffee break. Your skin is supposed to be absorbing the moisture in your mask in your room. EMILY: Let's see what's next on our agenda, shall we? Stop moving Lorelai, you'll electrocute yourself. Ooh, the Egyptian mud bath. I wonder if the mud bath is one of those things you see in brochures where they wrap you in towels like you're in a cocoon of some sort. That might be nice. Especially if their towels are as good as their robes because I just love these robes. I wonder where they get these robes. Shouldn't be so hard to find the manufacturer. I could order a few of them. One for me, one for you and one for Rory. CUT TO HALLWAY [Lorelai and Emily walk down the hallway in their robes] EMILY: I still can't get over it, it really was mud. I mean, I know it said mud bath but I didn't really think they meant a real mud bath. And the odd thing is I should've been more repulsed by it. Sitting in a tub of hot dirt, which is basically what mud is, should've made me ill, and yet I really enjoyed it. Did yours have twigs? Mine had twigs, and when I asked the woman about them, she told me they were there because of the healing qualities. . . [they walk through a door marked Quiet Room.' A few seconds later, the door opens and Lorelai ushers Emily out into the hall] EMILY: What are you doing? Lorelai, stop it! You're pushing me! [Lorelai bangs on the door, showing Emily the Quiet Room' sign, then they walk back into the room] CUT TO MASSAGE ROOM [Lorelai and Emily are both getting massages.] MASSEUR: How's the pressure too much? LORELAI: Yup. MASSEUR: Sorry, I'll go lighter. EMILY: Your hands are amazing. Compliment your masseur's hands, Lorelai. LORELAI: Oh my God. EMILY: Excuse me? LORELAI: Nothing. EMILY: You were muttering under your breath. Years of experience have taught me that when you do that, it's usually about me. LORELAI: Mom, you signed us up for a couple's massage. EMILY: So? LORELAI: A couple's massage is for a couple not a couple of people. EMILY: It's more efficient this way. We'll both be finished at the same time. LORELAI: Mom, do you know what most people who get these massages do about five minutes after it's over? They have s*x, together, probably while wearing their robes. EMILY: Could the two of you excuse us for a moment please? Thank you. [the masseurs leave] Well, that was appalling! LORELAI: Well, that was true! EMILY: You're just determined to spoil this, aren't you, Lorelai? LORELAI: Why, because I want a quiet, private massage? EMILY: You've been pouting and sulking and sighing. LORELAI: Oh, I have not been sighing. EMILY: Rolling your eyes, mumbling. LORELAI: Well, that's how I detox. EMILY: Ever since we got here, you've made it your mission to be as miserable as possible. LORELAI: That's not true. EMILY: It's completely true. And if you don't care that you're hurting my feelings, maybe you care that you're wasting all your relaxing time acting like a petulant four-year-old. LORELAI: Well, I'm sorry. EMILY: Do you want me to try to get myself another room? LORELAI: No. EMILY: I saw a supply closet down the hall. Maybe my masseur could finish me in there. LORELAI: Okay, Mom. EMILY: Or perhaps I could just roll myself against a stucco wall, eliminate the need for a masseur altogether. LORELAI: Lie down Mom, please. EMILY: If you say so. Lorelai? LORELAI: Yes, Mom? EMILY: Would you go get the boys, please? CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory, while on the phone, is sitting on the living room floor surrounded by piles of clothes] RORY: No, that's two orders of garlic gnon, three simosas, and a chicken vindiloo. And rice, and the green sauce, and no salad, and. . . oh wait, sorry. Can you hold on a sec? [answers the call waiting] Hello? LORELAI: Hi, this is Phil's Liquor. I'm supposed to be delivering a keg there tonight. RORY: Hold on. [switches to other call] Hi, sorry. Yeah, that's it. Forty minutes, great. Bye. [switches back] Hey. LORELAI: Who was that? RORY: Sandeep's. LORELAI: Oh, you're ordering the Indian food? RORY: Yup. LORELAI: Good, enjoy. Can you burn the house down afterward, cause that's the only way we'll get the smell out. RORY: Absolutely. How's the spa? LORELAI: Tranquil. RORY: Really? LORELAI: I wasn't done. Tranquilizers, uh, will be required if I have to spend one more minute with my mother. RORY: Please tell me you're at least trying to get along with her? LORELAI: Oh, hey, I'm being a peach. RORY: Really? LORELAI: Well, I smell like a peach. Was that the doorbell? RORY: Yeah, I'll call you later. LORELAI: Oh wait, I wanna find out who it is. RORY: The sooner you get back to your weekend, the sooner it'll be over. LORELAI: Okay, but before you go, can you get out my address book and count how many friends I have? I'll wait. RORY: Bye. LORELAI: Mean! RORY: Steal me soap! [hangs up the phone, then opens the front door] Paris. What -. PARIS: I tried to stay home and study myself but I can't. I don't know what anything means anymore. I mean, I can't even read my own handwriting. What does this say? The person who wrote this should be dressed in a clown suit stuffing bodies under their porch. You're in your pajamas. RORY: I know. PARIS: This was the big night you had planned a rendezvous with Mr. Peanut? RORY: Well... PARIS: You're doing laundry. RORY: Yes. PARIS: You're doing laundry in your pajamas. RORY: My mom is out of town and I never get the house all to myself. PARIS: You mean you never get to go months on end without seeing your parents, just getting an occasional postcard that doesn't even have a courtesy "Wish you were here" written on it? That does suck. Don't let me stand in your way. RORY: Paris, wait. PARIS: No, forget it, I don't want to get in the way of your big night. I hear there's gonna be some hot knitting going on later. RORY: Fine, I'll study with you. PARIS: You will? RORY: For one hour, that's it. We can do a quick review and a pop quiz and then you are going home. Deal? PARIS: Deal. RORY: Okay, so, go sit on the couch. I'll be out in the minute. PARIS: Where are you going? RORY: I'm going to go change. PARIS: Okay, but my hour doesn't start until you get back out here, right? CUT TO BIRCH GROVE SPA [Emily walks into Lorelai's room] EMILY: Are you ready? LORELAI: Wow, you look great, Mom. EMILY: Are you being sarcastic? LORELAI: No, I'm being completely serious. EMILY: Oh, well, thank you. That's a pretty color. What is that? LORELAI: It's called Vicious Trollop. EMILY: Oh, stop it! Now why would you name a lipstick something like that? LORELAI: Cause dirty whore' was taken? EMILY: You frighten me. LORELAI: You wanna try some? EMILY: No, thank you. LORELAI: Go on, Mom, try it. EMILY: It won't look good on me. LORELAI: Sure it will. EMILY: Well, all right, but if I look ridiculous. . . LORELAI: I'll be the first one to point it out. You're a vicious trollop, you're a vicious trollop. EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Sorry. EMILY: Well? LORELAI: I like it. EMILY: You do? I like it too. LORELAI: Good, let's go then, I'm starving. EMILY: Oh, me too. What are they serving for dinner tonight? LORELAI: Well, let's see. [looks at menu] Hmm. EMILY: They certainly do like their tofu here, don't they? LORELAI: And the word steamed. Well, they have dessert at least. Cookies sweetened with sprouted mungbean. EMILY: That sounds dreadful. LORELAI: Yes, it does. EMILY: Where are you going? You aren't going to change, are you? Our seating's in ten minutes. LORELAI: Get your coat. EMILY: I don't need a coat to go to the dining room. LORELAI: We're not going to the dining room. EMILY: Well, where are we going? LORELAI: Out. EMILY: Out where? LORELAI: We're gonna leave the spa, find a restaurant, and have a steak. EMILY: A steak? LORELAI: Who's gonna stop us? EMILY: A steak. LORELAI: Come on, Mom. What's it gonna be vicious trollop or the wide world of mungbeans? EMILY: Let's go. LORELAI: I'm right behind you. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory and Paris are studying in the living room] RORY: So, given that those are the reactions occurring in the two half-cells, what do you do next? PARIS: Well, if we add them together, doubling the coefficients of the silver half equation but not the voltage, we get the equation for the complete reaction. RORY: Well, you're in much better shape than you wanna think you are. PARIS: Impossible. [doorbell rings; Rory walks toward the door] Where are you going? RORY: That's my food. PARIS: Another half hour, please! RORY: No, you got your hour. You need to go. PARIS: But . RORY: Go! PARIS: Fine. [Rory opens the door. Jess is holding a box of food] JESS: Delivery. RORY: What are you doing here? JESS: Well, Luke figured since you're along tonight that maybe you wouldn't have any food in the house, so he sent over a care package. RORY: I don't need a care package. I ordered food from Sandeep's. JESS: Really? Planning on burning down the house afterwards? RORY: Jess. JESS: The only way to kill the smell. Where should I put this? [walks into house] RORY: Well. . . JESS: Kitchen? RORY: Um. . .sure. [cut to kitchen] RORY: God, how much food is in there? This could feed twelve. JESS: Excuse me, I've seen you eat. RORY: Fine, six. JESS: Yeah, well, he wanted you taken care of. He wasn't sure how long your mom was gonna be gone for. RORY: Just tonight. JESS: Oh, he didn't know that. RORY: Well, now you can tell him. JESS: I will. RORY: So how come Caesar didn't bring this over? JESS: I volunteered. RORY: Why? JESS: Just wanted to get out of the construction zone. There's nothing but banging and yelling. That place gives me a headache. RORY: Oh. JESS: Why did you think I wanted to come over here and see you? RORY: No. JESS: Just needed some quiet. RORY: Fine. JESS: That is all. RORY: Got it. JESS: Clear my head. RORY: I understand. JESS: So, aren't you gonna eat? RORY: Eventually. JESS: It gets cold fast. RORY: I can heat it up. JESS: Reheated French fries really suck. RORY: Hm, they do suck. JESS: Yeah, so, eat. RORY: Okay, I will. You're still standing there. JESS: I know. You didn't give me a tip. RORY: You want money? JESS: No, I'll take a fry though. RORY: Okay, yeah, have as much as you want. JESS: Okay, great. [takes off jacket] RORY: What are you doing? JESS: Getting ready to eat. RORY: You're staying? JESS: Didn't you just invite me? RORY: No, I -. JESS: No, you told me to have all I wanted. That sounded invitation-like. RORY: You wanna stay here and eat? JESS: Beats being at Luke's. RORY: But . PARIS: [walks in from living room] I can't find my flashcards. JESS: I didn't know you had company. RORY: This is Paris. We were just studying. JESS: Huh. PARIS: Don't worry, I was just leaving. If you find my flashcards, call me, okay? RORY: No. PARIS: What? RORY: Stay for dinner. PARIS: But I thought. . . RORY: We have a ton of food, and we can go over the notes more later. PARIS: You're sure? RORY: Positive. PARIS: Is that mac and cheese? RORY: It sure is. PARIS: I love mac and cheese. RORY: Great. PARIS: I'm not allowed to have mac and cheese. RORY: Splurge. Come on Paris, stay. PARIS: Do you have a twenty-four hour pharmacy just in case I have an allergic reaction to something? RORY: Believe it or not, we do. PARIS: Okay, can I borrow your phone? RORY: It's by the door. [Paris walks away] JESS: Interesting. RORY: What is? JESS: You think we need a chaperone? RORY: No, I don't. JESS: You just invited one. RORY: I'm just being polite. Paris is alone tonight and you yourself just said we have enough food for six. JESS: With me around, it's down to four. RORY: With Paris around, it's down to two. JESS: Works out well. RORY: I think so. PARIS: [on phone] Hola, es Paris. Voy a comer la cena de cas de Rory. Hay mucho mac and cheese! CUT TO RESTAURANT [Emily and Lorelai check their coats, then walk toward the hostess] EMILY: My goodness, look at this place. LORELAI: I bet there's no cucumber slices in the water here. [to hostess] Hi there, party of two. HOSTESS: Okay. Uh, well, I can take your name, but I probably won't have a table for about an hour. LORELAI: An hour! EMILY: I can't wait an hour. LORELAI: Me either. EMILY: I'll pass out. LORELAI: Go first, you can break my fall. EMILY: Can we bribe you? HOSTESS: Sorry. LORELAI: Please? She's loaded. EMILY: Lorelai! HOSTESS: You know, a couple of stools just opened up at the bar, and we do serve our entire menu there. LORELAI: That is a great idea. Thanks. Come on. EMILY: We cannot eat dinner at a bar. LORELAI: I don't wanna wait an hour, and I'm wearing the wrong shoes for a drive thru. EMILY: But what are people going to think? LORELAI: That we're loose women with questionable morals. [they sit down at the bar] EMILY: Doesn't seem right to eat dinner when your feet aren't touching the floor. BARTENDER: What can I get you ladies? LORELAI: Hi Steve, nice to meet you. We will have two. . .martinis? EMILY: Why not? LORELAI: Two vodka martinis, straight up with a twist, very dry, very cold, and a couple of menus, please. EMILY: And some peanuts. LORELAI: Ah, peanuts, good idea. BARTENDER: Here you go, I'll get your drinks. LORELAI: Thank you. You're a good man, Steve. Okay, I'm thinking steak and Caesar salad if it's not too anchovy-y, and hey do you wanna split a shrimp cocktail to start? EMILY: That sounds fine. LORELAI: Ah, I just love the idea of shrimp cocktail with a steak dinner, you know? It's so Casino, Big Joe, steak and shrimp hey, save some for winter, there. EMILY: I never realized how wonderful peanuts were before. BARTENDER: Want a refill? EMILY: Oh, yes, please. LORELAI: Cheers, Mom. EMILY: Cheers. I must tell you, I never expected this. LORELAI: What? EMILY: Me inhaling peanuts at a singles bar. LORELAI: This isn't a singles bar, Mom. It's a sixty-forty bar. EMILY: A what? LORELAI: Sixty-year-old men hitting on forty-year-old women, divorcees mostly. EMILY: Really? LORELAI: Look around. EMILY: Hm. Oh, now, she can do better than that. What does she see in him? LORELAI: Big will, short life span, the usual draw. Hey Mom. EMILY: I wonder if they have pretzels, too. LORELAI: Don't look now, but I think you're passing for a forty-year-old woman. EMILY: What? LORELAI: Two o'clock, silver fox, totally checking you out. EMILY: Oh, he is not. LORELAI: Well, he's not staring at Steve. EMILY: You're being ridiculous. He's definitely not looking at me. LORELAI: He's still looking. EMILY: Drink your martini, Lorelai. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory, Paris, and Jess are eating at the kitchen table] PARIS: A tragic waste of paper. JESS: I can't believe you just said that. PARIS: Well, it's true, the Beat's writing was completely self-indulgent. I have one word for Jack Kerouac edit. JESS: It was not self-indulgent. The Beats believed in shocking people, stirring things up. PARIS: They believed in drugs, booze, and petty crime. RORY: Well, then you can say that they exposed you to a world you wouldn't have otherwise known. Isn't that what great writing's all about? PARIS: That was not great writing. That was the National Enquirer of the fifties. JESS: You're cracked. PARIS: Typical guy response. Worship Kerouac and Bukowski, God forbid you'd pick up anything by Jane Austen. JESS: Hey, I've read Jane Austen. PARIS: You have? JESS: Yeah, and I think she would've liked Bukowski. PARIS: What are you doing? JESS: Salt and pepper dip. Only way to eat a fry. PARIS: Really? RORY: It's fast food gospel. PARIS: Mm. That's good. That's really, really good. [phone rings] JESS: You like hot sauce? PARIS: I don't know. Should I? JESS: I think it's wise. RORY: [answers phone] Hello? DEAN: Hey. RORY: Oh, hey. Where are you? DEAN: On my way to see you if that's okay? RORY: Oh, well - DEAN: I know you wanna be alone, so I'll only stay a minute. I just wanna say hi. RORY: We just said hi. DEAN: Well, I wanna say hi a little closer. RORY: But, I'm a mess, really. It's not pretty. You won't recognize me. DEAN: Well, then put a name tag on cause I miss you. RORY: I miss you too, but DEAN: But what? RORY: But. . .Paris is here. DEAN: Why? RORY: She freaked out about a grade and she wanted to go over some notes, and you know Paris she will not be denied. DEAN: Okay, then I'm not really ruining your alone night, someone else did that. RORY: Yes, but DEAN: I'll see you in a sec. [hangs up] JESS: I can't get into poetry. It's kind of like, geez, just say it already, we're dying here. RORY: Wow, you know, I just noticed the time, and it's getting really late. JESS: It's seven o'clock. RORY: I know, but Paris and I still have a lot more studying to do. Jess, please thank Luke for me. It was really nice of him. JESS: Who was on the phone? RORY: No one. JESS: No one wouldn't happen to be heading over here now, would he? RORY: Jess. PARIS: What's going on? RORY: Nothing. JESS: Dean's on his way over and Rory doesn't want him to find me here. RORY: Why? JESS: Yeah, why? RORY: You know why. JESS: We're just eating dinner. RORY: Jess, I'm asking you as a friend, just please leave now. JESS: You really want me to go? RORY: I really wanna avoid a fight with Dean. JESS: Okay, I'm going. RORY: Thank you. JESS: Ow! RORY: What? JESS: Ooh! I just twisted my ankle. I better go lie down. RORY: Jess! JESS: God, you're no fun when you're tense. Are you sure you want me to go? Cause maybe this whole thing can be solved between me and Dean if we just sat down and had a little heart to heart. He can tell me his issues, I'll tell him mine. RORY: Jess! JESS: I promise I'll speak slowly. RORY: Bye! [pushes him out the front door] JESS: Okay, well, give him my best, would ya? [sees Dean in the front yard] Actually, I guess I could do that myself. RORY: Dean, Jess just came by to bring me some food. JESS: From Luke's. RORY: He wanted to make sure I ate. JESS: Luke did. RORY: Right, Luke did. JESS: Personally, I could care less if she eats. RORY: Yeah, true, he could care less. JESS: I see you brought a little something, too. Is that ice cream? That's so nice. A tiny little ice cream package just big enough for two. Hey, are you guys gonna feed each other cause that's just so darn cute. Oops. You're doing that towering over me thing. Huh. I tell you, you've really got that down. It helps that you're twelve feet tall, but this Frankenstein scowl really adds to the whole . RORY: Jess. JESS: Okay, I'm going. Look, man, I really was just dropping off some food, so don't get all West Side Story on me, okay? [leaves] RORY: So, do you wanna. . . [Dean walks into the house] . . .come in? [cut to kitchen] DEAN: What the hell is going on? PARIS: Hi. RORY: Dean, you remember Paris, right? DEAN: Yeah, hi. So Jess just dropped this off, huh? RORY: Oh, well. . . DEAN: Now I know you eat fast, but this is a lot of food to put away that quickly, even on your best day. RORY: Okay, so he didn't just drop it off but - . DEAN: You told me you were doing laundry tonight. RORY: I was. DEAN: And now you are here with Jess. RORY: And Paris! DEAN: Jess, Rory! RORY: Ah, well, I swear, I didn't DEAN: You didn't what? You didn't know he was coming over? RORY: I didn't. DEAN: And you also didn't know he was gonna stay, right? RORY: It just happened. DEAN: How does that just happen? RORY: Well, he was. . .and the diner, the diner was. . .and I. . . DEAN: And you what? What? Say something! RORY: Stop yelling! DEAN: You totally lied to me! RORY: I didn't! DEAN: Turn the situation around, Rory! How's it looking? RORY: It's looking complicated and I'm trying to explain it to you. DEAN: Ugh, that's crap. PARIS: It's my fault. DEAN: What? PARIS: It's my fault that Jess was here. I saw him in the diner the day I came to Stars Hollow and I thought he was cute and since I'm not great at the whole batting the eyelashes, look at my belly shirt' kind of thing, I asked Rory to help me. I thought if she could maybe get him over here, we'd have a chance to talk and. . .I don't know, it seems totally stupid now and it obviously didn't work shock, but that's why he was here. Thanks for trying to cover for me. RORY: That's okay. PARIS: Anyway, I should get going. I'm probably gonna break out in some sort of rash any second now. [leaves kitchen] DEAN: So Paris likes Jess? RORY: Yeah. DEAN: Rory, is this true? RORY: Yes it is. DEAN: Paris and Jess? RORY: I know. There's no explaining attraction. Dean, listen to me, if I was going to have anyone over tonight, it definitely would've been you. DEAN: Okay. RORY: Really? DEAN: Well, if you say so, then I have to believe it, don't I? RORY: Yes. DEAN: Well, okay then. I'm sorry that I yelled. RORY: Completely justified under the circumstances. DEAN: I'm gonna get going. RORY: No, wait, don't you wanna stay for ice cream? We could hang out. DEAN: Nah, I'm just gonna go. RORY: I'm still seeing you tomorrow, right? DEAN: Yeah, sure. RORY: Hey. DEAN: See you tomorrow. [leaves] [Rory walks into the living room] RORY: What was that? PARIS: What? RORY: That, the story, the save? You helped me. Why would you do that? PARIS: I don't know, it just came out. RORY: You have no idea what you did. PARIS: It was no big deal. RORY: No, it was a very big deal. It was a huge deal. PARIS: Well, you helped me tonight when you didn't want to, so I owed you. RORY: Thank you. PARIS: You're welcome. Okay, well, I'll let you get back to your alone night. RORY: You should stay. PARIS: Stay? RORY: Yeah. We could hang out, maybe watch some TV. You can even spend the night if you don't wanna drive all the way back to Hartford. PARIS: Spend the night, like a slumber party? RORY: Sort of. PARIS: You're just doing this because I lied to Dean for you, right? RORY: I'm doing this because it's what you do with friends. PARIS: We're friends? RORY: I'm not sure if there is an exact definition for what we are, but I do think it falls somewhere in the bizarro friends-ish realm. Come on, stay. PARIS: Okay. But if you're doing all this so you can freeze my bra, I'll kill you. RORY: Duly noted. CUT TO RESTAURANT [Lorelai and Emily are eating dinner.] EMILY: This is either the greatest steak I've ever eaten, or I'm so hungry, I'm delirious. Pass the horseradish, please. LORELAI: I never knew you were a spicy girl. EMILY: Oh, believe me, I can handle my heat. One summer when we were first married, your father and I stayed at this little village in Thailand where we spent two weeks eating viciously hot chilies and skinny-dipping. LORELAI: Ah, Mom! EMILY: Well, you certainly couldn't put your clothes on after eating those things. LORELAI: Stop it! I like to think of parents the old fashioned way separate bedrooms. FEMALE SINGER: And now it's time for my favorite part of the evening our salute to the Chairman of the Board. MALE SINGER: I sure hope that's not b-o-r-e-d. LORELAI: Uh, uh, Mom? EMILY: Yes? LORELAI: Remember the man who wasn't staring at you? EMILY: He wasn't staring at me. LORELAI: Okay, well, he's coming over. EMILY: What? CHAD: Excuse me, I hope I'm not interrupting, but I couldn't help but notice that you two are having more fun than anyone at the bar. LORELAI: Well, that's true, we are. CHAD: Well, good, I've come to the right place. Hi, I'm Chad. LORELAI: Hi Chad. I'm Lorelai. This is my mother, Emily. CHAD: Your mother? LORELAI: Chad, if the next words out of your mouth are, you can't possibly be old enough to be her mother,' I'm gonna have to cause you severe physical pain. CHAD: Emily, do you share this rather extreme opinion? EMILY: I think I'll stay out of it. CHAD: In that case, let me just say that I think you look more like sisters than mother and daughter. Yeah, I went for a variation. LORELAI: I'll let it slide this time. CHAD: So, are you two, uh, local or just visiting? LORELAI: Visiting. Mom's from Hartford and I'm from a town, uh CHAD: Hartford? Great town, great town. A little of the old, little of the new. You like living there? EMILY: Well, yes, I do. LORELAI: And how about you, Chad where do you live? CHAD: Here and by here, I mean this very bar stool. LORELAI: Wow, admitting right off the bat that you spend your life at a bar. Do you find that people are impressed by that? CHAD: Until now. EMILY: Oh, I love this song. CHAD: It's a great song for dancing. EMILY: Yes, it is. CHAD: Help me out here, will ya? LORELAI: I think he's asking you to dance, Mom. EMILY: What? Oh, no, I, uh, I couldn't. CHAD: Rumor has it you love this song. EMILY: Oh, well, yes, but I don't dance. CHAD: Oh, come on. I can't believe that. EMILY: And I shouldn't leave my daughter alone. LORELAI: That's okay. The sitter'll be here any minute. EMILY: Really, I'm serious, you should ask someone else. CHAD: Is it my dancing? Because you two could work out some kind of save me' signal in case I really embarrass you. LORELAI: Go ahead, Mom. It'll be fun. CHAD: Come on, the song's almost over. You'll hardly have to spend any time at all with me. EMILY: All right. [they start dancing] BARTENDER: Hey, your mom looks good out there. LORELAI: Yup, she sure does. [When the song ends, Emily starts to walk away but Chad pulls her closer for another dance. After a few seconds, Emily breaks away from him.] EMILY: I'm sorry, I have to go. [She quickly walks over to the coat check area. Lorelai gets up and follows her] LORELAI: Mom, what's wrong? EMILY: We're leaving. LORELAI: What happened? EMILY: I shouldn't have been doing this. LORELAI: Doing what? EMILY: Fraternizing with other men. LORELAI: Oh, what are you talking about? EMILY: I practically cheated on your father. LORELAI: You did not cheat on Dad. EMILY: I danced with another man. LORELAI: You've danced with other men before. EMILY: Not like that, not without your father present. LORELAI: Oh, Mom, it was just a dance. You were having fun. EMILY: I need to get out of here. How hard is it to find a coat? LORELAI: Mom, you didn't do anything wrong. EMILY: I don't know why I let you take me to this chop house in the first place. I don't go to chop houses. What were you thinking? LORELAI: Need food now. EMILY: And I certainly don't eat at bars. Hookers eat at bars. LORELAI: Only if they can't get a table. EMILY: You're not funny. You knew this whole evening made me uncomfortable and yet you kept pushing. LORELAI: I was trying to do everything right. You manipulated me into taking this trip and still I came. You told me I was acting like a teenager, so I tried to be nicer. You said you needed to eat, so I made that happen. EMILY: Yes, by sitting me at a bar where you practically forced me to engage in inappropriate behavior. LORELAI: What? EMILY: You let me get sixty-fortied! LORELAI: You are crazy! Do you know that? We were having dinner, Mom, a nice dinner. We were talking. Hell, we were having fun. EMILY: Oh, so watching your mother make an ass of herself was fun for you? LORELAI: God, you know, you don't have any right to complain about this relationship if you're not willing to let your guard down once in awhile and just be normal. EMILY: There's a way for a mother to behave in front of her daughter. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but that's how it is. CUT TO BIRCH GROVE SPA [Lorelai is in her room, packing. There's a knock on the door.] LORELAI: Come in. EMILY: I called the bellman to get the bags. He said it would be around ten minutes. LORELAI: Okay. EMILY: Thank you for agreeing to leave early. LORELAI: No problem. EMILY: I guess this whole thing was a silly idea anyway. I don't know why I pushed it. We can't even get through a dinner without a fight. What was I thinking putting us together for a weekend? LORELAI: It was a nice thought, Mom. EMILY: Yes, well, I guess it's the thought that counts, isn't it? LORELAI: You know, if you want, um, I can just bring our bags down. I mean, they're not that heavy, and then we don't have to wait. EMILY: Well, that sounds fine. Why can't we have what you and Rory have? LORELAI: Rory and I are different mom. EMILY: We're mother and daughter, you're mother and daughter. It shouldn't be that different. LORELAI: It's completely different. It couldn't be more different. EMILY: But why? LORELAI: I grew up in a different environment. EMILY: You mean an oppressive environment. LORELAI: No, Mom, I mean a different environment. And plus, I was so young when I had Rory. EMILY: So because I waited until I was grown and married, I can't have a relationship with my daughter? LORELAI: No. EMILY: Well, then, why? LORELAI: Rory and I are best friends, Mom. We are best friends first and mother and daughter second, and you and I are mother and daughter always. EMILY: I wasn't taught to be best friends with my daughter. LORELAI: I know. EMILY: I was taught to be a role model for my daughter. LORELAI: I know that, too. EMILY: I did what I thought was right. I did what I thought I had to do to protect you, and because of this we have no relationship. LORELAI: Oh, Mom, we have a relationship. EMILY: We do? What? What is our relationship? LORELAI: Well, we. . . EMILY: Exactly. LORELAI: Maybe an intense weekend together was not the best idea for us. Maybe we need to start with something simpler. EMILY: Like what, a brisk walk around the block? LORELAI: No, I hate exercise. EMILY: Oh, well, as long as you find this amusing. LORELAI: Mom, come on. There has to be something else. Something small. EMILY: Like what? Where are you going? Lorelai, you just don't walk out on a person. That's rude. That's a robe. LORELAI: Yes, this is my robe. And I want you to go into your room and get your robe. And then, exactly at the same time, we are gonna shove these robes in our suitcases and we are gonna walk out that door and leave with them. EMILY: That's stealing. LORELAI: Yes, it is. EMILY: You want me to steal a robe? That's how we're going to bond? LORELAI: Mom, you love this robe. You've talked about nothing else except this robe since we got here, so this robe will be symbolic of our trip together. EMILY: But that's crazy. As soon as they check the rooms, they're going to know the robes are gone and then they're going to charge our credit card. LORELAI: Well, how do you know? EMILY: Because that's what the little tag on the hanger says. LORELAI: Well, the little tag on the hanger could be right, or the little tag on the hanger could just be there trying to scare us away from trying. Either way, whether we get away with it or not, it's something we did, you and I. EMILY: You're serious. LORELAI: I am folding this robe up. EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: I am putting this robe in my bag. EMILY: That's lunacy. LORELAI: I am zipping up the bag that contains the robe. EMILY: I have a perfectly good robe at home. LORELAI: Now the only question is, am I doing it alone? EMILY: Did you ever steal a robe with Rory? LORELAI: No, Rory would never steal. She's far too moral for that. You, however, vicious trollop what's it gonna be? EMILY: I should have my head examined. LORELAI: We'll make an appointment when we get back. EMILY: You do know, in the course of one night, you've turned me into an adulterer and a thief. LORELAI: I'll have you working at the chicken ranch by the end of the month. EMILY: I cannot believe I'm doing this. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai and Rory are sitting at a table.] RORY: You actually got Grandma to steal a bathrobe? LORELAI: Although I did catch her trying to return it while I was getting the car. RORY: Still. LORELAI: I know, life with my mother, one step forward, five thousand steps back. It's kinda like the spastic polka. KIRK: Excuse me, are you done? LORELAI: No, uh, sorry, not yet. KIRK: So, you're gonna eat that half a piece of bacon that's been sitting there for ten minutes? LORELAI: Kirk. KIRK: I mean, of course, you must be if you're saying you're not done because that's the only thing left in front on you, unless you eat plates. LORELAI: Go away. KIRK: You are hogging the table. LORELAI: You keep it up, I'm ordering seconds. KIRK: Fine. LORELAI: So, Paris looked a little green this morning. RORY: Yeah, she had a sugar/carb hangover of monumental proportions. LORELAI: People don't realize it, but it takes years of training to be able to eat the way we do. RORY: Don't I know it. LORELAI: So, what's on the agenda for today? RORY: Let's see. Dean, Dean, and uh. . .oh, did I mention Dean? LORELAI: Wow, he must've been crazy mad last night. RORY: I'd say that was a fair assessment. LORELAI: Okay, I gotta get to the inn. RORY: Okay. Well, I'm probably gonna have dinner with Dean, so. . . LORELAI: I'll have the house to myself tonight. Life's funny, isn't it? RORY: I simply cannot stop laughing. I'll get the check. LORELAI: Thanks hon. RORY: [walks to the counter] Hey Luke. LUKE: What, you find a nail in your food? I swear to God, Tom, you are dead! You hear me? Dead! RORY: There's nothing wrong with the food, Luke. LUKE: Oh, sorry Tom. RORY: I just wanted to thank you. LUKE: Yeah, for what? RORY: For the care package. It was really sweet of you. LUKE: What care package? JESS: Hey Luke, I think they hit the water line again. LUKE: Oh, what? [walks away] Tom, you are dead! You hear me? Dead! RORY: Huh, interesting. JESS: Hey, you wanna pay? RORY: I don't think Luke knew anything about the food last night. JESS: That'll be twelve-fifty. RORY: Which means you lied about why you came over. JESS: I don't have any quarters. I'm gonna have to give you nickels. RORY: Now why would you lie about something like that? JESS: Here's your change. Come again soon. RORY: You wanted to come over. JESS: I have to get back to work. RORY: You're squirming. I've never seen you squirm. It's entertaining. JESS: Oh yeah? RORY: Yeah. CUT TO OUTSIDE [Lorelai walks out of the diner. Dean is standing out front.] LORELAI: Dean, hey. DEAN: Hey. LORELAI: Rory's just inside paying. She's coming out to meet you after. DEAN: Yeah, we're gonna spend the day together. LORELAI: That's great. DEAN: Yeah, it is. LORELAI: So, listen, Rory told me everything that happened last night. She feels just terrible about it. DEAN: I know. LORELAI: Good, you should. It's just one of those freaky unfortunate things that happens. DEAN: Freaky and unfortunate, yeah. LORELAI: She had nothing to do with Jess coming over. Believe me, she did not want him there. DEAN: That's what she told me. And Rory wouldn't lie, right? LORELAI: No, Rory wouldn't lie.

When Emily and Lorelai go to a spa for a weekend of relaxation, Emily lets her hair down, kicks up her heels and ends up bonding with Lorelai in a way that only her daughter could inspire. Thrilled that she has the house all to herself, Rory hopes to spend a quiet night at home doing laundry and eating Indian food. Her plans are foiled -- first by Paris, then by Jess, and finally by Dean. In the process, she discovers that she has a surprising savior, a secret suitor, and a skeptical sweetheart.

fd_Angel_03x08

fd_Angel_03x08_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Quick shots of Darla and Angel making out, and of Holtz' demon cocoon breaking. Wes: "The Nyazian Scrolls mentions the Tro-clan that brings about the ruination of mankind." Cordy: "Imagine what could have happened if you'd gone nuts and slept with Darla!" Angel: "You know I would never do that." Darla: "Hello, lover." Angel: "Darla?" Wes: "Darla." Cordy: "Darla?" Angel: "This is impossible." Darla: "Tell me about it - Daddy." Cordy: "You slept with her?" Angel: "Uh..." Cordy to Darla: "How are you feeling?" Darla bits Cordy. Angel: "Get away from her!" Angel: "You're gonna be all right! I'll kill her for this." Cordy: "You gonna have to find her first." Angel tackles Darla away from the boy. Angel holds Darla and raises the stake. Darla: "Come on! Do it! Do it! Do it!" Angel: "The child. It has a soul." Darla: "No it doesn't..." Angel: "It does. It does." Fred: "Whatever that thing is, it is arriving right about - one, two - now." Holtz: "Just tell me where he is." York, England - 1764 Holtz gallops through the countryside at night. Stops and then rides up to another man signaling with a torch. Man: "We found them." Holtz: "Go." They ride off. Inside of a house, dimly lit by a candle. A knock on the door. A young girl opens the door. Angelus: "Ah, is your mother home there, young lady? (Girl nods) Will you take us to her?" Sarah: "Father said not to let strangers in while he's away." Angelus and Darla look at each other. Angelus: "But we're not strangers. You're Sarah, aren't you? We know all about you. You're the apple of your father's eye." Darla: "Would strangers know that?" Sarah shakes her head. Angelus: "So, lass. May two friends enter?" Sarah steps to the side. Angelus: "Is that a yes then?" Sarah: "Yes." Angelus: "Ah. Lovely." Darla and Angelus walk in. Darla takes Sarah's hands. Darla: "Such a dear girl. Remind me to give you a special treat." Angelus locks the door. Holtz and the other man are riding hell for leather through the night. They meet up with some other men carrying torches. Man: "They're trapped inside." Angelus: "Did you mommy make you that dress Sarah?" Mom: "What's all the fuss, love?" Darla, Sarah and Angelus walk into the kitchen. Angelus: "Good evening to you, ma'am." Mom: "Evening." Holtz takes a torch from one of the men and leads them towards a dark house. Holtz: "Burn it down if you have to." Angelus: "We can only stay for a moment. We have a message for you husband." Mom: "You know my Daniel?" The men near the house. Mom: "What is his message?" Darla: "I'll give it to Sarah, hmm?" The men reach the door of the house. Holtz: "On my signal." Darla brushes the hair back from Sarah's face. Darla: "Close your eyes. I have a surprise for you." Darla looks at the mother, morphs into vamp face and sinks her fangs into Sarah's neck. Sarah screams and Mom tires to run to her daughter but Angel holds her back. Angelus: "Tell your husband, Mr. Holtz..." Mom sees Angelus vamp face: "No... no..." Angelus: "Never mind. I'll tell him meself." Angelus sinks his fangs into her neck. Holtz break in the door, looks around. Holtz: "Where are they?" He finds a note that reads: "How do you hope to save others when you can not save your own?" Holtz: "They're at my house." Darla and Angelus look up as they hear a baby cry. Darla: "Can something be done about that horrible noise?" Angelus straightens up. Darla: "I think it wants its mother." Angelus: "Let's send it to her. Do you wanna do it, or should I?" Holtz and two other men ride through the night. Holtz slams the door of his house open and enters the kitchen to see his wife lying there with vampire bite marks on her neck. Hyperion, day Darla is lying on a bed, apparently asleep. Angel walks in and sits down beside the bed. After a moment he hesitantly reaches out and puts one hand on Darla's swollen belly. Darla stirs, but her eyes stay closed. One of her hands comes up to cover Angel's. Darla: "Are you going to do it (opens her eyes to look at Angel) or am I?" Intro Scenes from world history flash across four TV screens stacked side by side. Holtz is sitting in a chair in front of them, watching. He is still in the same circular room that he woke in, lit by fire burning in bowls sitting in the niches lining the walls. The demon that did the incantation to wake him suddenly stands behind his chair. Sahjhan: "I know it seems like only a moment to you. But two hundred and twenty seven years have passed since our agreement. Empires have risen and fallen. Mankind has harnessed the power of the sun, walked on the moon, and turned arid desserts into fields of green." Holtz: "What of England? Has it survived the years and destruction?" Sahjhan: "Yes. - It went through a rough patch about sixty years ago, but it's mostly unchanged. Warm beer, boiled meat, bad teeth. That's why I moved to LA. - Have you followed this part of the history? American Revolution, manifest destiny, westward expansion, the Beach Boys?" Holtz: "I understand enough. One thing baffles me. (Indicates the TVs) These visions, wars, the weapons of destruction - how is it no one has killed Angelus or Darla?" Sahjhan: "That's why I brought you here, remember? Because your fate and their fate are entwined." Holtz gets up: "Then let's go. Let's finish this. I want Angelus." Sahjhan: "I know. I want him, too. But we're going to do it right. I haven't waited two and a half centuries to mess it all up." Holtz: "You have been tracking them this entire time?" Sahjhan: "Yes. But not in the way you imagine. There are other dimensions, other worlds where time behaves differently. I have an ability to navigate those dimensions." Holtz: "And is that why you haven't aged?" Sahjhan: "That, and I had a little work done. Mostly around the eyes. Now get some rest. You're going to need it." The demon leaves and Holtz sits back down in the chair facing the TVs. Darla is lying on the couch in Angel's suite, Angel is sitting in a chair. Darla: "You figure out a way to do it?" Angel: "No. I was thinking about the last time you were here." Darla: "Mmm - that. (Sits up) Kind of hard to forget." Angel: "I know. I've tried." Darla stands up and begins to walk around. Darla: "Hey, you're the one that came in here all 'the world is a cold and lonely place.'" Angel: "I had a bad day." Darla: "So, you threw me through those glass doors, slammed me against the wall, pushed me onto the bed and took what you wanted." Angel: "It seemed like the thing to do - at the time." There's a knock on the door. Angel: "Come in." Gunn walks in carrying a loaded crossbow, followed by Wes, Fred and Cordy. Wes: "Sorry to intrude. We had a bit of a breakthrough with the Nyazian Scroll translation. I thought you should know." Fred: "It turns out that some of the irregular verbs Wes was using were problematic when converted to Ga-shundi because of the Nyazian trick of converting both nouns and verbs, which he discovered by... - Sorry. I'll shut up now so he can tell you what he figured out." Wes: "The Tro-clan isn't a person or persons. It's a confluence of events." Cordy: "Which means it not only involves you, Darla and the child, but other horrible things we don't know about." Angel: "That... That's good. Right? I mean, doesn't that mean that the kid isn't this evil, apocalyptic thing that we feared?" Wes: "Not necessarily. There are a few Nyazian phrases related specifically to the thing being born that I haven't been able to complete." Angel: "So it's important that you so." Gunn: "Because we need to know what kind of bun is in the oven." Darla: "I know one thing about it. Something's protecting it." Fred: "How do you know that?" Darla sits down: "Because I can't get rid of it." Fred: "Sorry I asked." Gunn raises the crossbow: "So you're saying, if I shot this into your stomach, it wouldn't do anything?" Darla spreads her hands: "Fire away." Angel steps between them: "No one is firing anything." Wes: "Angel's right. Clearly something wants this thing to come to term. - We'll wait for it to be born then we'll chop its head off." Fred: "Well, what if it doesn't have a head?" Cordy: "We're gonna need a really big mallet." Gunn: "If it skitters, we should have a net or something. Maybe a flame thrower." Angel: "Flame thrower? No, no. There'll be no throwing of flames. Nobody's gonna do anything until we know exactly what's going on. Now, if anybody has a problem with that they should leave - now." Darla gets up, shrugs and walks towards the door. Angel pulls her back. Angel: "Not you." Angel sighs and takes a step closer to the others. Angel: "Come on, guys. How about it?" After a beat Gunn lowers his crossbow with a nod. Angel: "Cordy?" Cordy steps closer: "You want me to protect the vampire bitch who bit me *and* her evil love child?" Cordy hauls back and clocks Darla full on the nose, sending her stumbling back against the chair. Cordy smiles at Angel: "Okay, I'm in." Darla leans on the chair and moans. Cordy: "Oh, come on, tough girl. You're a vampire.. A punch in the nose shouldn't hurt that much." Fred: "Not ow her nose. She's having contractions." Darla writhes in the chair, groaning. Wolfram and Hart, day Lilah pricks her finger with a needle. Lets the blood drip into a little jar, then dips a pen in it and signs her name on a line labeled 'witness' at the bottom of a paper. There is a knock on the door and a mail clerk comes in with his cart. Cyril: "Good morning, Miss Morgan." Lilah: "Morning." Blows on her signature, then sticks the paper into an envelope and hands it to the clerk. Lilah: "Would you take this to Pinderhook down in demon resources for me?" Cyril: "Sure. - Uh... - Miss Morgan, I hate to bother you. But I've been admiring you for quite a while and I was wondering..." Lilah: "Don't flatter yourself, Cyril. I don't date guys from the mail room." Cyril: "Me neither! - (Holds out a CD case) I just thought you should know about this." Lilah takes it and pops it into her computer. Cyril starts to head for the door as a surveillance video of Angel and Lilah making out on Wes' desk comes up on her screen. Lilah: "Wait. (Walks over to Cyril) You little weasel! If you think you can blackmail your way onto me on *my* desk..." Cyril: "No! That's not it! You got it all wrong. I respect you way too much to be attracted to you. It's - it's just - down in the mailroom, I see a lot. You know? Different factions in the firm. There comes a time when a guy has to choose a side." Lilah: "And is that disk your way of telling me you're choosing *my* side? (Cyril smiles and gives her a nod) And who are we allied against, you and I? Who is this common foe?" Cyril: "I'd rather not..." Lilah: "If you don't tell me right now, I'm gonna have your skin peeled off and stapled back on inside out." Cyril: "Mr. Park." Lilah: "Gavin." Lilah goes and gets the disk. Cyril: "Remember those exterminators he sent to Angel's hotel? They don't kill bugs. They plant them." Lilah: "Hm." Lilah walks past him towards the door. Cyril follows her out, pushing his mail cart. A finger taps against a fuzzy video screen, and a picture of the Hyperion's lobby flickers to life. Angel's voice: "Good. That's it. Where is your weight? Balls of your feet? Don't forget to..." Cordy: "Oops. Oh, god, you said that..." Gavin looks over the shoulder of a guy wearing headphones while transcribing. Gavin: "Keee-yi-ha ow. Someone doing an incantation?" Transcriber: "No. Angel started training female one in martial arts. I think she got in a lucky punch." Gavin: "Any tech problem?" Transcriber: "Just a couple glitches. Don't sweat it though. I've been staying late. (Hands Gavin a huge book-like file) That is the transcription of everything up to last week." Gavin opens the top cover. Lilah: "How about that? I just asked myself, if I were a cockroach, where would I hide? And voila! - there you are! (Holds up the disk) Did you really think you could blackmail me with this?" Gavin: "Blackmail? (Laughs) No one cares. From what I've hear-, bumping uglies with an old man that body-jumped into a vampire is the closest thing you've had to a meaningful relationship in years. This is about something else. - Thank you, Cyril." Cyril peeks his head around the corner of the open door: "You're welcome - sir." Lilah: "What was all that crap about choosing sides?" Gavin: "He did. He's on mine." Lilah: "Is this your convoluted pathetic way of asking for my help? Because you sure need it. You're understaffed, underfunded, and clearly (takes the file from him) undertalented. So, what have we learned here?" Gavin: "We? There is no we. I just decided it was time you understood the full scope of what I've been doing these past few months." Lilah: "Who is this 'unidentified, pregnant female'?" Transcriber: "I - I don't know. We lost audio for a couple of days last week. I can pull the tape." Lilah: "See? Need me." The transcriber pops a tape in a VCR. On the screen Darla walks into the lobby. Lilah: "Darla?" Gavin: "Darla? That's impossible. Vampires can't give birth!" Lilah pulls out her cell phone: "Tell me about it. (To phone) Linwood? It's Lilah. You're not gonna believe what I'm looking at." Darla is sitting in the chair, moaning and holding the sides of her belly. Angel: "How long since the last contraction?" Fred: "About twenty minutes. They're still real irregular." Darla: "Something's wrong. The pain..." Angel: "You like pain." Darla: "This is different. I want it out - now!" Wes: "That's exactly what's happening, Darla. You're in the first stage of labor." Angel: "Labor, that's - that's good, right? How long does it usually last?" Wes: "It varies. On average, the whole thing, maybe eighteen hours." Darla forces herself up out of the chair: "Eighteen hours? That's too long!" Angel supports her as she hunches over with another contraction. Angel: "Alright. Easy. Lie down." Angel helps onto the bed as the others leave and close the door behind them. Angel: "I'll be right back." Angel follows the others out. Angel: "Guys, we got to figure out what's inside of her now, before it skitters out." Gunn: "We should get a demony doctor in here. You know, someone who understands how her vampire girl parts work. (Cordy looks at him) You know what I'm saying." Cordy: "Well, didn't she already try that whole shaman, voodoo, witch doctor thing?" Angel: "Yeah. She did." Fred: "I don't suppose she ever went to like a normal doctor or a hospital?" Cordy: "Hey, there's an idea: hospital. Oh, wait, they don't admit vampires." Angel: "Who says we have to admit?" Wes: "Of course. We don't need the right doctor, we just need the right equipment." We hear Darla groaning in the other room and Angel hurries back to her. Wolfram and Hart, day Linwood is walking down the hallway talking to his phone, flanked by Lilah and Gavin. Linwood: "I don't care how much it costs. Just find someone who can answer the bloody question. (Closes his phone) Heads are gonna roll if the Senior Partners hear about this." Gavin: "They won't. That's why we came directly to you." Linwood: "Darla - pregnant. How'd we miss it?" Lilah: "I'm sequestering the psychics and the mind readers in the conference room. We will get to the bottom of this." Linwood: "Man works hard - builds something - waters it - grows rich and powerful. - Leaves his wife for a younger beauty. - These are the reasons we take certain - blood oaths. - And to have it all vanish because..." Lilah: "Sir, I can't stress enough. There is no way we could have foreseen this." Gavin: "She's right, sir. No one could have known." Cyril sticks his head out of a door just after they walk past it. We hear a phone ring. Cyril is on his cell. Woman's voice: "Hi, you've reached the Tittles. We can't come to the phone right now. If you wanna leave a message for Christine, press one. (man's voice) For Bentley, press two. (Deep, gravely voice) Or to speak to or worship Master Tarfall, Underlord of pain, press three." Cyril pushes a button. Cyril: "Master, it's happened. The thing you have foreseen has come to be. We must tell the others." Break York, England, night, nine years later Holtz is sitting in front of a fire. His eyes are closed. We get flashes of fire intermixed with flashes of his family and screaming. Holtz opens his eyes and takes a drink form the pewter mug he is holding. We hear a funky sound effect. Holtz doesn't stir from his seat. Holtz: "Another step and it'll be your last. If you've come for anything other than a fight, you're in the wrong place." Male voice: "A fight's exactly what I'm looking for." Holtz stands up and turns around. Holtz: "Be a man and who your face." Out of the shadows steps the demon that brought Holtz to LA. Sahjhan: "I'm not a man. - What I mean is..." Holtz takes a closer look at him: "You're not human." Sahjhan: "But clearly masculine. You get that, right?" Holtz picks up a pistol and aims it at the demon's breast. Holtz: "You'll get more than a fight if you don't leave right now." Sahjhan: "Fine. My mistake. - I just thought you might want help killing Angelus and Darla." Holtz turns away: "I don't need your help. I'll kill them myself." Sahjhan: "Not to rain on your parade - but, no, you won't. You'll die a bitter old man and never see them again." Holtz: "You don't know that." Sahjhan: "I kinda do. In fact I know that it'll be another two hundred years before you get another chance to confront either Angelus or Darla." Holtz: "And is this the part of the tale where the demon offers the broken man the chance to change all that?" Sahjhan: "I'll take you to them. Two centuries into the future." Holtz: "Through black magic and sorcery." Sahjhan: "No. On a mule cart. Of course through black magic and sorcery. I'm a demon." Holtz: "And what do you want from me?" Sahjhan: "Your word. I want your word that when the time comes you will show them no mercy." Holtz looks into the dark corners of the room. Sahjhan: "I don't mean to be pushy, but this is a limited time offer. Say yes, and I'll take you to them this very hour. Say no - and realize the one chance to avenge what they did to your wife and children has slipped away - forever." Holtz stares at nothing. Night, emergency entrance of a hospital Angel is pushing Darla along one of the hospital hallways in a wheelchair. Angel: "How are you feeling?" Darla: "I haven't had blood in almost a day, and your devil spawn is trying to rip its way out of my body. How do you think I'm doing?" A door is pushed open and Cordy motions at Angel. Cordy whispering: "Psst. Paging Dr. Angel." Angel pulls Darla's chair through the swinging doors after Cordy. Wes: "I sent Gunn and Fred to find an ultra-sound machine so we can take a look. Inside Darla, that is." Angel: "What is this? A classroom?" Wes: "Yes. It's is a teaching hospital. How are you feeling, Darla?" Darla doesn't answer. Angel: "Something wrong?" Darla: "I think the contractions have stopped." Angel: "Is that bad?" Wes walks over and reaches for Darla then pulls back. Wes: "Do you mind if I..." Darla: "I won't bite." Cordy: "No, but that thing inside might." Wes carefully feels Darla's belly. Wes: "You may have been experiencing something called Braxton-Hicks contractions. They're a form of false labor." Darla: "False?" Wes: "False as in not ready to come out yet." Darla: "Well, I'm way past ready. I'd cut it out of me if I could." The door opens and Gunn and Fred wheel in a machine. Gunn: "Here you go, one ultra-sound machine." Wes: "Darla, up on the table, please." Angel: "Don't you wanna see what's inside?" Darla looks down at her belly. Holtz is pacing in front of the TVs. A grate slides to the side and the demon enters. Holtz: "You've kept me here long enough. Where are they?" Sahjhan: "It's not that simple." Holtz: "I'm tired of waiting!" Holtz reaches out to grab the demon, but his hands pass right through it. Holtz pulls his hands back and looks from the to the demon. Sahjhan: "Like I said - it's not that simple. - Do think I'd go to all this trouble of transporting you two and a half centuries if I could walk up to Angelus and stake him myself? Please! There are rules and timetables and forces at work far greater than either of us. Boy, you vengeful types aren't real good at playing with others, are you?" The demon passes his hands along the sides of his head and his face turns into that of a human. Sahjhan: "It's my street face. (A coat lands on Holtz' shoulder) Now put that on. I've lined up some men to help us." Conference room at Wolfram and Hart. It's crowed. There are people and beings sitting at the table filling out papers. One gray skinned demon is taking a lie detector test. Man: "Alright then, sir. Are you know or have you ever been a vampire? - Are any of your friends vampires?" Linwood: "Thank you for coming. And correct me if I'm wrong, but the role of a psychic - is to be psychic. To predict the future, so that Wolfram and Hart doesn't find itself in this kind of predicament." Bald psychic: "I can't apologize enough, sir." Linwood: "You're right. You can't. (Laughs) But I'm not without compassion. I'm gonna give you a chance to save your job - and your skin." Bald psychic smiles relieved, then frowns and leans in a bit closer to Linwood. Bald psychic: "No, you're not. - You're gonna have me killed." Linwood puts a hand on his shoulder: "Now, why couldn't you have had that kind of foresight when we needed it?" Someone puts a plastic bag over the bald guy's head from behind and pulls him away from Linwood. Mind reader: "They are telling the truth." Lilah: "Thank you. (Steps up to Linwood) Intelligence is just coming in. No one seems to know *how* Darla could be pregnant. There is a rumor about a prophecy involving a vampire birth, but the Scroll it's recorded on seems to be missing." Linwood: "Do you have any idea how many groups and cults and organizations would kill to get their hands on this baby? We've got to get it before anybody finds out." Lilah: "Yes sir. And we will." Linwood: "We need to get, dissect it, and find out what it means." Gavin: "Berlin's on the phone for you, sir." Linwood: "Oh, god. If they've heard about this in Berlin, Singapore and Muncie can't be far behind. Now listen, if the Senior Partners are looking to assign blame, the buck stops here, you understand me?" Lilah: "Not exactly, sir." Linwood: "If the Partners are looking to place blame, I'm gonna have to step forward." Lilah: "That's inspiring, sir." Linwood: "Yes, I'll step forward and blame you. Darla was resurrected on your watch. I can think of no better scapegoat." Pats Lilah on the shoulder and leaves while big grin spreads across Gavin's face. Lilah: "You think this is over? Watch and learn, rookie." Lilah pulls out her cell phone. A guy wearing nothing but a turban and a loincloth is meditating in front of a candle with his eyes closed. He lifts one hand and opens it to reveal a crumpled piece of paper. His eyes remain closed and he doesn't move as the paper suddenly bursts into flame and burns up on his palm. We hear a phone ring. The guy reaches behind him and pulls out a cell phone and answers it without opening his eyes. Guy: "Yes? - I understand." Lowers the phone and extinguishes the candlewick between his finger. Stands up and opens his eyes to look at a sword blade leaning against the wall across the room from him. He holds out his hand and after a beat the sword flies across the room and the handle slaps into his hand. He whips the blade around the air as if fighting some invisible foes. Wes is putting jelly on Darla's exposed belly, and turns on the ultrasound machine. Wes: "Well, then. Let's take a look, shall we? (Looks at the monitor) Well, I haven't studied one of these for quite a while." Angel: "Isn't that a head?" Wes: "I think it is. Or is that the head?" Fred: "Maybe you're both right. (Everyone turns to look at her) It's not like I'm suggesting it's an evil two-headed thing." Wes moves the sensor around. Cordy: "I see it." Darla: "My little parasite." Wes: "Oh, my..." Angel: "What is it?" Wes: "It's - it's human." Gunn: "Human as is in humanoid? As in cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers?" Wes: "No - human as in - a boy." Angel: "Boy?" Wes with a slight smile: "A boy. A boy. (To Darla) You're carrying a boy." Darla: "Great." Angel: "Gonna have a son. (A slight smile creeps across Angel's face) I'm gonna have a son." Fred: "Guys. As fascinating as an ultra-sound image of an unborn child may appear..." Angel: "Me. A father. To a son. You know what that means?" Fred: "We're surrounded by vampires?" Angel: "No, it's a human bo..." Angel trails off as he looks away from the monitor for the first time and notices the vampires lining the teaching gallery above them and the back wall of the room. Angel: "Oh. We *are* surrounded by vampires." Cordy: "Ahem - so, who has a plan?" Gunn: "Don't let 'em kill us sounds like a good first step." Vampire: "The miracle child." The other vampires echo him in a whisper. Vampire: "For his time has come. (All the vamps bow down) Praise be. Praise be. Praise be." Break [SCENE_BREAK] Holtz and Sahjhan walk down the side walk of one of the streets in LA. Sahjhan: "The buildings are taller, machines more powerful - and you can get really great Tai food at two in the morning. - But the thing to understand is that people are the same today as they were in your day. They drink too much. They fight. They work hard. They fall in love." Holtz sees a picture of a family pasted on one of the walls. Holtz: "They have families." Sahjhan: "Yes, they still have families." Holtz: "I hope these men you've hired are ruthless bastards." They walk up to a metal door and Sahjhan knocks on it. Voice: "Go away!" Sahjhan: "It's Sahjhan. (To Holtz) This is where we'll get your men. - Very exclusive." Holtz stands in the club watching a group of gray-skinned demons with upside-down walrus tusks train and fight each other. Holtz: "These aren't men." Sahjhan: "Once again: gender - not species. I should have said 'minions.' Have you seen Grappler demons fight? - Not the sharpest pencils in the box, but merciless in battle. - Okay, guys! Over here! Time to meet the new Jefe. And Flarmar, leave the head in the ring, okay?" Flarmar grunts and drops the head he'd ripped of his opponent earlier. Sahjhan to Holtz: "Ready to command your troops, captain?" Holtz: "Any other surprises I should know about?" We get a close up of Darla's belly then the camera pulls back to show all the vampires kneeling, while AI and Darla stand in the middle of the room watching. Cordy: "Hey, I'm all for being idolized, but - what the hell is going on?" Angel: "What do you want?" Vampire: "To protect the miracle child." Angel: "Protect? Ah, that's good. We're all here for the same thing." The guy with the sword that Lilah called earlier suddenly jumps through one of the glass windows above, dressed like a ninja and holding the sword in front of him, screaming 'die!' The miracle child worshipping vampires jump on him en masse, and he goes down with a strangled scream. We hear a crunch and someone gulping down liquid. Vampire straightening from his meal: "As it has been prophesied - by our great potentate Ul-thar, we vow our lives to protect this - special child." Angel aside to Darla: "You hear that? Our kid. Special." Vampire: "Now let us kill the humans so we may use their blood to nourish the mother - and her miracle child." Darla, smiling: "Guess I'm getting dinner after all." Gavin is flipping through some blue prints on a table. Gavin: "Commander, this should provide your ops team with a solid tactical base. Plan and elevation drawings of every floor in Angel's hotel. I also have strategic surveillance capabilities, so we can monitor the engagement from here." Commander: "Excellent. I'm confident my men will be able to capture and retrieve the target. The larger question revolves around subsequent extraction of the target's cargo." Linwood looks from the commander to Gavin. Gavin quietly: "Getting the baby from Darla." Linwood: "Of course. And for *that* we have called in an expert." Lilah walks in followed by a man dressed in black. Fetanovich: "You flatter me, sir." Lilah: "Gentlemen, may I introduce Dr. Fetvanovich from our satellite office in the Balkans." Linwood shakes his hand: "How do you do, doctor?" Lilah: "Dr. Fetvanovich is the world's foremost specialist in paranormal obstetrics. We are *very* fortunate he's consented to help." Doctor smiling: "It is I who feel fortunate. A vampire birth is, ah - unprecedented. I look forward to dissecting both the mother and the child." Angel: "Darla, you might wanna join the fight." Darla: "Sorry, darling. I'm gonna have to be Switzerland and sit this one out. (To vampires) Now, you did say you were just gonna kill the humans, right?" Vampire: "Yes, just the humans. Then we will nourish you, slice you open, wear your entrails as a belt and consume your eyeballs before we worship the miracle child." Darla jumps off the table and goes to stand beside Angel. Darla: "Okay. I'm in." Angel: "Gunn, you and I can hold them off for as long as we can. The rest of you, get Darla to the car." Darla: "Oh, I'd rather stay and fight. Show these youngsters a thing or two about real carnage." Angel: "That's thoughtful, but, you know, you should go." Fred: "Charles, do you have an extra dagger I could borrow?" Gunn pulls out a dagger and hands it to her. Gunn: "This okay?" Fred: "Perfect." Angel: "No my count of three. One, two..." Fred holds the dagger against Darla's belly. Fred: "You freaks make one move and I'll slice the miracle kid into triplets." Cordy: "It's always the quiet ones." Vampire: "Wait!" Fred quietly to Darla: "They don't know the knife can't hurt the baby." Darla: "They do *now.* Vampires have great hearing." The vampire leader smiles. Darla: "Here we go." The vampires attack and a big fight ensues. Wes: "Everybody out!" The gang back up towards the door, and begins to file out. Angel is the last to leave, staking one last vamp with a broomstick before following the others. The camera pans around the dimly lit lobby. Suddenly a commando guy wearing a black ski mask pops up. Guy into radio: "All clear." Two more commandos rappel down from the upper story and another group comes in through the front doors, followed by the doctor and his equipment. Guy: "Lobby secure, sir." Doctor: "Lets set up out here. - Oh, and get a hose. I'm afraid there might be some blood. - And you can set baby's cage next to mama's." Break Gunn is looking out over the back of Angel's as it speeds down a road. Gunn: "I think we lost them." Angel: "Anybody hurt?" Cordy: "Nothing a couple of band aids and a pint of Heathbar crunch can't fix." Wes: "I'm good." Angel: "Darla? - Darla, everything okay?" Darla is sitting in the back between Gunn and Wes, with Wes holding a stake at the ready. Darla: "Yeah. Fine." Wes: "You all right?" Darla: "It's nothing!" Angel: "It's the kid, isn't it? Seeing him on the monitor." Darla raises her head and we can see a tear hanging from one of her eyes. Darla: "No, I'm just disappointed that the vamp cult didn't kill all of you guys. - So, where 're we going? I'm famished and we all know how ugly that can get." Fred: "Where *are* we going?" Angel: "Somewhere safe." Cordy: "Where's safe? The hotel is definitely out." Gunn: "How about if we go to..." Angel: "Vegas? Sorry, Gunn, too high profile, but I agree we need to get out of dodge." Wes: "Actually..." Cordy: "God! I hate it when you say that word! 'Actually' means that your oversized gi-normous brain thought of something that the rest of us failed to consider, right?" Wes: "Just, other people seem to know a lot more about this kid's importance than we do. The only thing that can help us is back at the hotel. (To Angel) We can't protect your child unless we get the scrolls." Angel: "Okay then. Quick stop." One of the commandos on guard in the yard hears a noise and looks around with his flashlight. When he doesn't find anything he returns to his post, only to be knock out from behind by Holtz. The doctor is setting out his instruments on a table in the lobby. He lifts up a big curved spatula-like thing, inspects it, then picks up the rake-like thing next to it. The doctor spins around as a door clicks shut. One of the commandos aims his gun at Holtz as he walks in. Doctor to Commando: "Is this man with you?" Holtz: "Where is Angelus?" Linwood is watching Holtz walk up to the doctor and the commandos closing in on both of them on a little monitor back in the basement at W&H. Linwood: "Who is this pirate with a sword, and what is he doing in the middle of my operation?" Lilah: "I don't know, sir. But he called Angel by his old name, Angelus." Linwood as the monitor begins to crackle: "I need better audio." Transcriber is fiddling with some wires: "Any second." Holtz: "Hand over the vampires." Linwood: "This has gone on long enough. (To radio) I don't care who that man is. Take him out. Take him out now. (Puts down the radio then picks it back up) Over." Commando on screen: "Take him out!" The screen fusses out at the commandos close in and the screaming begins. Gavin: "This should be sweet." Linwood: "Picture?" Transcriber: "I'm working on it, sir." Gavin: "Burke's never lost." Lilah: "I'm sure it'll be over in just a second." A prolonged and heartfelt scream resounds from the speakers. Gavin: "That should do it." Linwood to radio: "Anybody there? - Over?" Angel turns the convertible into a dark alley and brings it to a stop. Cordy: "Why 're we stopping here?" Angel: "It's only a couple of blocks from the hotel. I'll go the rest of the way on foot." Cordy slides into the driver seat as Angel gets out and looks up at the surrounding buildings. Gunn: "Hey, who said you get to be wheel man?" Cordy: "Who said it had to be a man?" Angel: "The scrolls?" Wes: "In the cabinet back in the office." Angel: "If I'm not back in five minutes, leave without me." Cordy: "Leave to where?" Angel: "Anywhere. Somewhere safe." Darla: "Angel?" Angel: "Yeah." Darla after a beat: "Just get out of here." Angel jumps onto the hood of the car and from there to the bottom rung of a fire-escape ladder and makes his way up the side of the building. Angel runs along the corridor in the Hyperion, drops down into the lobby and looks around at the destruction of Doctor Fetvanovich's equipment and the bodies of the W&H team. He sees the doctor's body, and chicken feet sticking out of his pants. Holtz: "Angelus." Angel turns around and sees Holtz. Holtz: "I've been looking for you." Darla is still in the back of the car. Wes is sitting on the trunk facing Fred, standing behind the car. Gunn is sitting on the side of the passenger door. Cordy starts the car. Gunn: "He said five minutes!" Cordy: "It's been six and a half." Darla: "It's so typical of him." Fred: "It probably wouldn't hurt to wait another minute, right? I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen in another minute?" Darla lets out a blood-curdling scream. Fred: "Ask a stupid question..." Wes: "Her water's broken. This is for real. There should be a blanket in the trunk." Cordy: "What are we gonna do? Deliver the kid right here? Shouldn't we go somewhere?" Fred: "What's keeping Angel?" Gunn gets the blanket out of the trunk and he and Wes help a screaming Darla to lie down in the back seat while the camera pulls up to give us an overhead view of them.

Team Angel continues to try and deal with Darla's pregnancy. When Wolfram and Hart finds out about the baby, the law firm decides to steal it for themselves. Meanwhile, Holtz is determined to kill Angel and arrives at the Hyperion looking for revenge.

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[Scene: The PTA Meeting. They are discussing the Matt Caufield expulsion. Joey, Dawson and Pacey are there in the seats as this is going on. The crowd is upset over the expulsion.] Dawson: This isn't going well, is it? Pacey: Well, it depends on who you ask. Joey: Yeah. If you're an enraged parent with a misguided agenda, It's going great. Board Member: Correct me if I'm wrong, superintendent, but I don't recall the board of education passing any rules, that allows a lunatic to start handing out death sentences, just because one of our kids acted like a kid! Parent2: Yeah! Superintendent: Please, please, please. As I've mentioned, I've strongly urged Principal Green to reconsider his decision, but as much as I wish it weren't so, Principal Green has final say in all Capeside High disciplinary matters! Mr. Caufield: Dr. Fielding, Dr. Fielding, may I? Superintendent: Oh, yes, please. Please, Mr. Caufield. Mr. Caufield: Do you consider yourself a member of this community? Superintendent: Yes. Mr. Caufield: Are you going to let the personal prejudices of an outsider ruin my son's future? Joey: I can't take this anymore. I have to say something. This is ridiculous. This whole thing has been blown out of proportion. Superintendent: This is a PTA meeting, young lady, not a pep rally. Now, you'll have your seat, please. Joey: Well, isn't anyone going to defend Principal Green for everything that he's done? Mr. Caufield: Miss Potter, my son tells me that you are the one who's mural was destroyed. Joey: This has nothing to do with me, ok? Mr. Caufield: You're exactly right. What it has to do with is the scare tactics of a man whose extremism and notions of justice, are better suited for an urban war zone than our civilized community. Joey: You did not just say what I think you said. Mr. Caufield: What I'm saying is that this educator were doing his job in any capacity, none of us would have to be here tonight. Board Member: And if you were doing your job as a parent, Mr. Caufield, maybe your son would still be in school right now. He has a file in the guidance office over an inch thick. [Applause] Joey: Look, Principal Green is a fair man. Mr. Caufield: I'm sure he se ms that way to you, dear, and to maybe some of the other students, whose families don't embr-- Joey: Don't what? Mr. Caufield: Don't embrace the values that we as a community Dawson: [shouting] You don't know anything about her family! Superintendent: [Gavel bangs] People! That's enough! As of this Friday at 3:00, if Principal Green has not reduced Matt Caufield's expulsion to a more reasonable sentence, I will ask him to tender his resignation. [Cheering and applause] Superintendent: This meeting is adjourned! Pacey: Did what I think just happened happen? Fielding's going to railroad green into changing his ruling. Dawson: Either that or out of town. Pacey: Ok. Joey: Let's go [Opening Credits.] [Scene: Outside the meeting hall. Sherry is doing a news report on the meeting, as Gail and others leave the meeting.] Sherry: We'll be expecting Green's resignation. For now this is sherry Eisler of WKWB reporting from downtown Capeside. Gail: Hello, Sherry. Sherry: Miss Leery. I mean Gail. It's--it's great to see you. You look terrific. Gail: So do you. Hey, congratulations on making field reporter. That's a long way from the shy intern that I hired. Sherry: Well, I could say I owe it all to you. The new generation of female reporters would be nowhere without veteran trailblazers like yourself. Gail: So, uh, what's your story? Sherry: You were inside there. Didn't you see? Gail: I saw a bunch of out of control parents. Which, for this town, is hardly news. Sherry: Maybe, but what about the Principal expelling a kid for the rest of the year? He sounds like a real whacko to me. Ah, we got to get going. Got a deadline to make. You remember those days. Oh. It was great seeing you, Gail. Gail: Um you, too, Sherry. [Scene: along the waterfront. Joey and Pacey are walking together along it.] Joey: What happened in there was so unjust, not to mention personally demoralizing. Pacey: You know how this system works, Jo. Convicts, mental defectives, and people under the age of 18 are routinely denied the chance to participate in decisions that affect their everyday lives. Joey: And the problem is that the squeaky wheel gets all the grease. I mean, all these idiots rant and rave about low test scores. I mean, the people who are perfectly happy with the way things are just sit back and mind their own business. Pacey: True. Happy, satisfied people rarely attend emergency PTA meetings. Joey: And teenagers, I mean, come on. They'd have to be coaxed and prodded before they'd actually set down their play stations, turn off the TV, and do something about something. Pacey: You said it, sister. So who's going to rally the troops? Joey: Obviously nobody. Pacey: You could. Joey: Ha! Yeah, Joey Potter against the system. What am I going to do, paint another mural? That'll help. [Scene: Inside Joey's house. She is on the phone with AJ talking about the meeting.] Joey: I don't even know why I bothered to go. I mean, it was a total waste of time. There were barely any students there, and I got out 2 sentences before I was attacked. AJ: Joey, you can't just expect people to rally around a cause that doesn't exist. They need leadership. They need Joey: That's what Pacey said. AJ: Pacey? What kind of a name is Pacey? [Bessie comes into the room to get her attention.] Bessie: I think you're going to want to see this. Joey: I'm on the phone. Bessie: No, really. I think you're going to want to see this. [She goes into the room where they are watching the television report of the meeting.] Sherry: Safe schools, but at what cost? Concerned parents demanded actions and answers tonight from Capeside school superintendent Byron Fielding. The uproar started when a high school girl painted a mural that was intended to bring unity. Instead, all it brought was discord and the potential resignation of a high school principal under siege. Howard Green has thus far refused to comment publicly on his controversial decision to expel Matt Caufield, a senior, accused of vandalizing the so-called unity mural and fighting with another boy who took exception to the prank. The other boy was let off with only community service, leading some in this community to question Green's motives and wonder whether he's let some kind of personal agenda affect his judgment. Joey potter, the girl who painted the mural, was present at tonight' meeting and summed it up best when she said this about Caufield's harsh punishment. Joey on TV: This is ridiculous. This whole thing has been blown out of proportion. Joey: I never said that. Bessie: We believe you, sis. Sherry: Sherry Eisler, WKWB reporting... Joey: I mean, I said it, but not in that context. I mean, this isn't fair. This-- no one is ever going to give me the chance to say everything that I want to say. AJ: You're right, they won't. Not unless you stand up and demand to be heard, show them you won't be ignored. Joey: What are you suggesting? [Scene: School Hallway. Joey is hanging signs to get people to attend a rally. Pacey sees her doing this and comes up to talk to her.] Pacey: Well, Norma Rae, looks like you ok my advice after all. Joey: And what advice was that? Pacey: This meeting. Rallying the troops. I have to say, this is a big step forward for you. I mean, I'm known as the Capeside Crusader far and wide, breaking down sexual stereotypes, eradicating rogue teachers, but you, you're definitely more the rebel without the cause type. So, look, I just wanted to say don't hesitate to ask for any help that you might need, seeing that this whole thing was my idea in the first place. Joey: You were encouraging, yes, Pacey, but this meeting wasn't hardly your idea. Pacey: If that's the way you want to play, it's fine with me. If you want to pretend like you devised this whole call to action-- Joey: I didn't. [They walk around the corner and AJ is there hanging some of the flyers.] AJ: I 'm all out. Joey: Me, too. Pacey: Ahem! Joey: Oh, that's right. You guys have-- you guys have never met. Um, Pacey, this is A.J. A.J., this is Pacey. AJ: Right, the one with the peculiar name. How you doing? [AJ and Joey are standing close to one another, and you can tell this bothers Pacey.] Joey: A.J. Came down to help us rally up the troops. AJ: Yeah. To give Capeside a small taste of some tried and true college protest action. Student: Quick! Green's coming inside, and you guys got to see this. [They step outside and there is a crowd of parents out there picketing with a camera crew taping it. Green is walking up the walkway to the door.] [Chanting] Green too extreme! Green too extreme! Green too extreme! Green too extreme! Green too extreme! Green too extreme! Green too extreme! Green too extreme! Green too extreme! [He comes up the to door to find Joey, Pacey, and AJ there watching this all go on as he approaches.] Principal Green: Joey. After you. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: At the Leery restaurant. Gail and Dawson are working on getting it ready to open.] Sherry: Concerned parents showed up at Capeside High today to express their outrage at a principal who many think has gone too far. Gail: Thanks for helping out tonight, honey. Dawson: Don't thank me. Thank dad. He's the one who indentured me to this servitude. Gail: Not a moment too soon. I must say, this restaurant stuff, it's a lot more work than I expected. Dawson: Sorry I couldn't be here any sooner. Gail: What happened at that meeting at Joey's tonight? Dawson: You should've seen her. Totally confident, totally inspired. Gail: You're proud of her. Dawson: Yeah. How can I not be? I mean, she's finally standing up for herself and fighting back the way I always knew she could. You know, I can't help but feel a part of that. She's organizing an action tomorrow outside the superintendent's office. Gail: Well, she's got a tough road in front of her. Especially with that spokes model turned journalist misrepresenting her story. [Dawson turns the TV off.] Gail: You know what kills me, is to see an important story done badly simply because the person covering it has no idea how to decipher truth from popular opinion. Dawson: Sounds like you miss it. Gail: Yeah, I'd be lying if I said I didn't, but, hey, I got this place now. Onward and upward. Dawson: What if... you tried to tell the real story about what's going on? Gail: Relive my glory days as a field reporter? Dawson: All you would need to get back in the game is a camera. Gail: And a crew. Dawson: In these days of digital video, a crew is one person. Gail: Oh, and just who would my one person be? Dawson: You do have one indentured servant at your disposal. Gail: I don't know, honey. Even if we did this and we did it right, I can't promise the station would run it. They've made it clear many times over that my services are past their prime. Dawson: Well, we're not doing it for the station. We're doing it for you. And for Principal Green, and for Joey. [Scene: Outside the Superintendent's office. There are students picketing here making. Joey, Pacey, and AJ are among them. Dawson is setting up his camera while Gail gets ready for the story with Joey.] Joey: We barely have enough people to fill a softball team, let alone change the world. Pacey: Rome wasn't built in a day, Joey. AJ: Thanks for doing this. Hot coffee is great for morale. Pacey: No problem. So, where's Joey? AJ: She's getting ready for her close-up. AJ: Great, isn't she? A born leader. Pacey: Ah, she's a peach, all right. [Joey is with Gail and Dawson setting up for the interview.] Gail: I'm going to ask you a series of questions about the nature of the protest and where the movement came from, and then I think we should concentrate-- [Sherry comes over to see them getting ready for the report.] Sherry: Gail! What's this? Gail: I'm doing a story on the Green situation. Sherry: For cable? Gail: Oh, no. Truth be told, I was thinking about submitting it to Roger at the station. Sherry: Good luck with that. Joey, I would love to get a follow-up interview with you. Joey: In your frosted blonde dreams, Barbie. [Sherry leaves.] Joey: You didn't think I was too hard on her? Dawson: Felt about right to me. [AJ comes over to them, with Pacey in stride.] Joey: What is it? Pacey: Superintendent Fielding wants to see you. Joey: Me? AJ: The first signs of resistance falling. Joey: Why don't I get that feeling? Pacey: That's because Fielding is an unscrupulous, ineffectual jerk who cares more about job security than about what anybody out here thinks. He's only going to try to threaten you, Jo. I don't think you should go in there. Joey: [To AJ] What do you think? AJ: I'd go. [Scene: Inside the Superintendent's office. Joey comes in to meet with the Superintendent.] Superintendent: Ms. Josephine Potter, correct? Joey: Yes. Superintendent: Have a seat. I assume you know who I am. Joey: The man who shows up for football games and graduation. Superintendent: I appreciate a sense of humor, though I prefer to think of my involvement in your life as a touch more personal than that. I hear you're responsible for that dissonant clamoring outside. That true? Joey: Well, parents can picket a school, students can picket a superintendent's office. Superintendent: Fair enough. And just what is it you intend to accomplish with this first amendment display? Joey: Well, it's our belief that Principal Green was right in expelling Matt Caufield, and he shouldn't be forced into changing his ruling simply because-- Superintendent: No one's forcing him. Joey: Pardon me, Dr Fielding, but you threatened to ask for his resignation Superintendent: That wasn't a threat. That was a direct request. Joey: As a representative of the student body, I'm telling you what is happening to Principal Green is wrong. Superintendent: As far as I know, all you represent is that meager handful of students out there right now. And that's it. Joey: Well, there's more of us. Superintendent: Oh, really? Joey: Yeah! A lot more. In fact, we have a--a student-signed petition with 300 signatures. Superintendent: 300? Joey: Mm-hmm. And there's going to be a rally tomorrow night. I mean, if you think the crowd last night was vocal, you just wait until tomorrow. Superintendent: I didn't know about this. Joey: Make no mistake, Dr. Fielding, there's a voice that doesn't agree with what's happening here, and that voice will be heard. Superintendent: I'm all ears. Now, I suggest that you and your friends hurry back to school before that Principal you love so dearly has to serve you with detention for cutting class. Joey: Who's cutting class? I'm out sick with a cold. [Scene: Principal Green's House. Principal Green has answered the door and Dawson and Gail are there.] Principal Green: Dawson, Mrs. Leery. To what do I owe a late afternoon honor? Dawson: We're here for your interview. Principal Green: Interview? What interview?

Joey enlists the help of her friends to rally the school in protest after Principal Green is pressured to resign over the student he expelled. Dawson talks Gail into making a news report on the situation, which leads to her being offered another job in television which she happily turns down in favour of starting her restaurant. Pacey's feelings for Joey are becoming more and more obvious, and he turns to Jen to talk about things. In an effort to encourage Joey's creativity, Pacey rents her a public wall to paint as she chooses.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_03x21

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_03x21_0

[Mystic Falls High School] (Alaric sits at the desk in his classroom with the white oak stake in his hand. He hears Caroline entering the school. Caroline walks through the hallway. She talks to Tyler on her cell phone.) Caroline: What do you mean you're ditching my clean up committee? Tyler: Klaus called. He's leaving town and wants me to pack up his house. Caroline: Well, since when does sire bond equal mover slave? Tyler: Since he realized you're not gonna dump me for him. Caroline: Ugh, he's being petty. Tyler: And he still thinks I'm sired to him. It's fine. I'll keep up the act and it will all be over soon. I'm late, I gotta go. I love you. Caroline: I love you, too. (Caroline hangs up. She hears a noise. Alaric rushes past without her noticing.) Caroline: Hello? (Caroline walks into the cafeteria where Rebekah cleans up the mess from the dance.) Caroline: Where's Matt? Rebekah: He bailed. Got called into work at the last minute. Caroline: Are you kidding me? So, it's just us? Rebekah: Yes, and you're late. Clean-up committee started at 8 o' clock. Caroline: It's like 8:02. Rebekah: Exactly. I managed to turn up on time and I didn't even get to attend the dance that I organized. Caroline: I'm sorry about your Mom. I mean, I know you like hated her and everything, but still I'm sorry. Rebekah: I'm sorry about your teacher. He seemed like a nice guy. Caroline: Yeah, he was. Rebekah: I'm gonna get started on the gym. (Rebekah walks out into the hallway. Alaric comes around the corner.) Rebekah: You're supposed to be dead. Alaric: I am. (Alaric pushes Rebekah against the locker and tries to stake her. Suddenly, Caroline appears, frees Rebekah and pins Alaric against the locker. Rebekah stakes Alaric only to realize that the white oak stake can't kill him. Alaric pulls the stake out of his body and realizes Caroline and Rebekah are gone.) [Outside Mystic Falls High School, Parking Lot] (Caroline rushes to her car fumbling with her keys. She sees Alaric's reflection in the car window and drops her keys. Alaric grabs Caroline and breaks her neck. Alaric drags the unconscious Caroline back into the school while his face starts to burn from the sun. Rebekah watches.) Opening Credits [House of the Gilbert Family] (Elena and Jeremy paint Alaric's room. Stefan walks in.) Stefan: Going darker, huh? Elena: It's the only color we had. Jeremy: That's what happens when you decide to paint your dead guardian's room in the middle of the night. Stefan: I don't suppose anyone tried to talk you guys out of doing this so soon. Elena: We have to keep moving. Otherwise we'll start thinking and we don't wanna think. Stefan: You want a hand? Jeremy: So, are you two like back together or something? Elena: What? No, Jer. We're just... Stefan: I was just checking up on you guys, seeing how you were doing, after, after everything. Jeremy: We're fine. But, if you are trying to be the good guy again, why don't you do the right thing and give us one day, just one day without any vampires in it. (Jeremy leaves the room.) Elena: He didn't mean that. Stefan: Yeah, yeah he did. (The doorbell rings) Stefan: I'll get that. (Stefan opens the door. It's Damon and Bonnie. Bonnie has a bloody bite mark on her neck). Damon: We have a problem. [Klaus' Mansion] Rebekah: Alaric Saltzman just tried to kill me. Klaus: Alaric Saltzman is supposed to be dead. Rebekah: Well, he's not. And he's vampire thanks to mother's spell with a white oak stake that can't kill him. He is strong, Nik. Too strong. Klaus: Where is he now? Rebekah: He's stuck at the school without a daylight ring, but as soon as night falls he'll come after us. We need to leave now. Klaus: Fine. I'll collect Elena. We'll be on our way. Rebekah: Forget Elena! You don't need anymore stupid hybrids. Klaus: What I need is protection from Esther's continued assaults against us. Rebekah: We'll protect each other, like we always have. Always and forever, Nik. Klaus: I'm not leaving without her. Rebekah: I'm leaving now. You can either walk out that door with me or you are on your own. (Klaus looks at Rebekah but says nothing.) Rebekah: Fine. Trust your hybrids over your family. Let your spite be the death of you, see if I care. (As Rebekah walks out of the room, Tyler shows up carrying a moving box.) Rebekah: Move it, sire boy! Tyler: What's her deal? [House of the Gilbert Family, Kitchen] (Bonnie, Damon, and Stefan are in the kitchen together.) Stefan: What do you mean he turned? I thought you were standing guard. Damon: Don't blame me. Blame Bonnie the blood bank. She fed him. Bonnie: I had no idea what was happening. Okay. The witches led me there. They wanted him to feed so he'd turn. Stefan: So, where's the stake now? Damon: Oh, you mean the white oak one? The one that can kill an original and wipe out an entire line of vampires? We don't know. Bonnie: If you are so upset with me, why did you feed me your blood to save my life? Damon: Because I do stupid things, Bonnie. I do things, like let my friend die with dignity when I should've just killed him. Stefan: Alright. So how do we kill him now? Bonnie: I've been trying to figure that out. A witch can't truly make an immortal creature, there's always a way to undo the spell. Damon: So, what's the witchy work around? Bonnie: That's the problem. I don't know. [House of the Gilbert Family, Alaric's Room] (Elena's cell phone rings. She picks it up and sees that the incoming call is from Alaric. She answers it.) Elena: Whoever this is, it's not funny. Alaric: Well, who else would it be? Elena: Ric? [Mystic Falls High School] (Caroline sits in one of the chairs in Alaric's classroom. She is gagged with a cloth that is soaked in vervain and her hands are staked to the desk by pencils. Alaric speaks to Elena on his cell phone.) Alaric: Listen, closely. I'm at the school, I have Caroline and if you wanna keep her alive, I need you to get into your car and come down here right away. If you tell anyone where you're going, I will kill her. [House of the Gilbert Family] (The doorbell rings. Jeremy opens the door. It's Klaus.) Jeremy: What the hell do you want? Klaus: Now is that any way to treat a guest? (Stefan joins Jeremy and Klaus.) Stefan: What are you doing here, Klaus? Klaus: Well, for starters, young Jeremy here could show some manners and invite me inside. Stefan: Why don't you go up to your room? (Damon comes up behind them.) Damon: Now. Stefan: Hmm, poor lad. Loses one questionable father figure only to be replaced by the likes of the two of you. Damon: Yeah, about that. Something happened. Klaus: Oh, I know all about my mother's invulnerable little creation. That's why I'm here. I'm leaving town, just need to pick up a few road trip necessities. Spare tire, flashlight, doppelganger. Damon: Can't help you there. (Damon closes the door on Klaus. Stefan goes towards the stairs.) Stefan: Elena! (Outside, Klaus picks up the newspaper lying on the front porch. Inside, Stefan goes upstairs and into Alaric's bedroom. Jeremy is there painting, but Elena is nowhere to be found.) Stefan: Where is she? Jeremy: I don't know. She was just here a few minutes ago. (Stefan walks back down the stairs and meets up with Damon.) Damon: Where is she? Stefan: She is not here. Damon: What do you mean she's not here? Where did she go? (Bonnie joins them.) Bonnie: What's going on? (Damon looks out of the window and sees Klaus pacing with the newspaper in his hand.) Damon: Klaus wants in. We have to keep him out. (Klaus throws the newspaper through the window. The glass shatters into pieces. Damon ducks down, as well as Stefan and Bonnie.) [Mystic Falls High School] (Alaric sits at the desk in his classroom. He hears Elena enter the school.) Alaric: Right on time. (Elena walks through the school's hallway. She looks around nervously. She hears Caroline crying and runs towards Alaric's classroom.) Elena: Caroline. Let her go, Alaric. Alaric: Free her yourself. (Elena and Alaric stare at each other for a moment. Then Elena hesitantly walks towards Caroline and gently pulls one of the pencils out of her hand. Alaric rushes over and slams the pencil back into her hand. Caroline screams.) Elena: You said that you would let her go. Alaric: How many times do I have to tell you, Elena? Stop trusting vampires! [Outside the House of the Gilbert Family] (Klaus is still outside.) Klaus: I think you're probably gonna want to let me in. (Klaus walks over to a white picket fence. He puts his hands on it and looks around. He sees a football and smiles.) [Inside the House of the Gilbert Family] (Stefan, Damon, Bonnie and Jeremy are gathered in the kitchen.) Jeremy: Elena's car is gone. Bonnie: Why wouldn't she tell anyone where she was going? (All of a sudden, the front door bursts open and the football flies in. Klaus walks up the front porch with two pickets in his hand. He throws one of them into the house. It almost hits Damon.) Stefan: Get down! Damon: Missed me. (Damon takes the picket that got stuck in the wall behind him and hurls it back at Klaus. Klaus dodges it. Then he breaks the second picket into two pieces and throws one of it at Damon.) Damon: Missed me again. (Stefan's cell phone rings.) Stefan: Alaric. (Klaus has rearmed himself with a propane tank and a burning newspaper. Stefan comes up to the front door.) Stefan: Put it out. Klaus: Come outside and make me. (Stefan steps outside.) Stefan: Elena is not here. Alaric has her and Caroline. He's gonna kill them both unless you turn yourself over to him. (Klaus throws away the newspaper and puts down the propane tank.) Klaus: Now I know you're not asking me to walk into a certain death. Stefan: I really wish we could. But unfortunately, if Alaric kills you there's a 1 in 4 chance that we die too. (Damon comes outside.) Damon: I'll take those odds. Stefan: And a hundred percent chance that Tyler dies. Damon: I'm good with that too. Stefan: Why don't we just figure out a way to put Alaric down? Klaus: Okay. How about Damon sneaks in and distracts Alaric, while Stefan grabs Elena and carries her to safety. Damon: Huh, that's a great idea. What's to stop me from getting killed instantly? Klaus: Nothing. Damon: Caroline is in there. Don't you have a thing for her? Or did she just reject you too many times? Stefan: This isn't really helping too much. (Bonnie walks out of the house.) Bonnie: I might have an idea. My mom used a desiccation spell on Michael that immobilized him for over 15 years. If I can get it, I might be able to use it on Alaric. Klaus: If and might your words inspire such confidence. Bonnie: I'll get it. But even with the spell, we need a lot of vampire muscle to take him down, including yours. Klaus: Just so we're clear. The sun sets in about 8 hours. We don't succeed before then, Elena will be dead, I'll be gone and the rest of you will be left to fend for yourselves. [Mystic Falls High School] (Alaric dips the cloth in a glass filled with vervain.) Caroline: No. No more. Please, no more. (Elena gets up from her chair.) Elena: Alaric, stop! (Alaric pushes Elena back into her seat.) Alaric: Sit down! This keeps the vervain in her system. It's like inhaling razor blades with every breath. (Alaric puts the cloth back into Caroline mouth. She screams in pain.) Elena: Why are you doing this? Alaric: To make it easier on you when you put her out of her misery. (Alaric picks up the white oak stake and walks towards Elena.) Elena: What? No! Alaric: Isn't this what you wanted, Elena? For me to teach you how to kill a vampire? Well, here is a vampire, Elena. Kill her. (Alaric holds the white oak stake right in front of Elena.) Elena: This isn't what I want. Alaric: Of course it is. All those hours you spend training, getting stronger. You could be a hunter, Elena. But you've never actually staked a vampire through the heart. (Elena keeps staring at the stake in front of her.) [Salvatore Boarding House] (Damon and Bonnie are waiting for Abby. Damon sits on the couch glancing at the clock.) Damon: Well, this is promising. Bonnie: Relax, Abby will be here. Damon: I'm sorry, I forgot about her stellar track record in the dependability department. Bonnie: Jamie said she was coming, okay. Just give her time. (The doorbell rings.) Damon: Don't get your hopes up! Might be a girl scout. (Bonnie opens the door. It's Abby.) Abby: Hello, Bonnie. Bonnie: Thanks for coming. Abby: Jamie's worried about you. He said it was urgent. I just didn't think you'd ever want to see me again. Bonnie: Like Jamie said, it's urgent. (Bonnie and Abby walk back into the house together.) [Mystic Falls High School, Parking Lot] (Stefan and Klaus get out of Klaus' car when Stefan receives a text message.) Stefan: Abby just showed up. Klaus: Good. Perhaps this plan won't be an epic failure after all. You know, if this does go off and we drop the history teacher in the Atlantic, I'm still leaving with Elena. Stefan: I'll go with you. Klaus: Really? What's the catch? Stefan: There's no catch. I turned my back on everything here to make sure Elena's safe. Klaus: And that is what makes you her better option. It's a shame it's not easier for Elena to see that. I mean, personally, I think she's wasting her time with Damon. Stefan: You know, all this time and energy you've spent trying to get me and my brother to hate each other. It's actually had the opposite effect. Klaus (laughs): Has it? Has it really? Well, then perhaps I should let Elena decide which Salvatore joins us, being as you and Damon are so close. Stefan: Go for it. Damon and I have been through a hell of a lot worse than you. (Stefan turns his back on Klaus and walks away.) [Salvatore Boarding House] (Bonnie and Abby are in the parlor together.) Abby: Why didn't I have to be invited in? Bonnie: Only vampires live here. (Damon walks into the room with a glass of blood in his hand.) Damon: We signed over the deed to Elena. But she died and the seal broke and very long story. (Damon offers the glass of blood to Abby.) Damon: Blood? (Abby just blankly stares at Damon.) Damon: Oh, come on. Take it as a peace offering. (Abby clearly doesn't want it.) Damon: Fine, more for me. (Damon sits down next to Bonnie.) Bonnie: We called you here because I need help with a spell. Esther created a vampire that can't be killed. I wanna desiccate him like you did to Michael. Abby: Bonnie, it's too dangerous. Your magic comes from the earth. It's pure. This spell asks you to tap into dark places. Places of temptation. Places you can't handle. Bonnie: You turned your back on me for 16 years. You have no idea what I can handle. Damon: Gotta say, I'm team Bonnie on this one. How hard can it be to parch a vampire? Abby: The spell allows you to stop a vampire's heart. The blood will stop flowing and his body will desiccate. Bonnie: That's exactly what we wanna do. Abby: To stop a vampire's heart, you need to find a balance among the living. Can you handle that? (Bonnie shoots Abby a disbelieving look.) Damon: What? What does that mean? Bonnie, I don't speak witch. Bonnie: I have to stop a human heart. [Mystic Falls High School, Parking Lot] (Damon and Bonnie arrive at the parking lot. Jeremy is already there. Bonnie shows Damon something on her cell phone.) Bonnie: I just got this. It connects me to Caroline and Elena through our phones. They're in Alaric's classroom. You should go in from the south entrance. Damon: Digital locater spell. Why the hell do we need you then? (Damon holds out his hand towards Jeremy.) Damon: Hand it over. Jeremy: I'm not giving you my ring. Let me do this. Damon: By my math, you've already bit it once, possibly twice, wearing that thing and if for some reason, Bonnie can't restart your heart and you do indeed die, then before you know it, we have another psycho alter ego case on our hands, which is bad so give me that ring. Jeremy: This is my ring. Elena is my sister. No one's gonna fight harder for her than me. Damon: Fine. Be stubborn. (Damon looks at Bonnie.) Damon: Try not to kill him, will you? (Stefan and Klaus arrive.) Klaus: Look at this, one big, happy family. (Bonnie shows the others a vial with a red substance in it.) Bonnie: Drink this. It's my blood. It bridges us all together, so that when I stop Jeremy's heart, you'll have the power to stop Alaric's. You need to make a physical connection to his bloodstream, a vein, artery something connected to his heart. (First Stefan, then Damon and then Klaus drink from the vial.) Stefan: One of us gets a clean shot, take it, the other two hold him down. Klaus: Before we all walk through these doors, let's get on the same page, shall we? I was the one who created your vampire blood line, therefore I'm responsible for your lives and Tyler's life, Caroline's life and of course Abby's life, should anything go wrong. Damon: Or you're just lying to save your ass. Klaus: I'm not lying, but go head, call my bluff, let the teacher kill me. You'll all be dead soon thereafter. Stefan: Let's just get this over with, shall we? (Stefan, Damon and Klaus walk towards the school. Bonnie and Jeremy stay behind.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Mystic Falls High School, Alaric's classroom] (Alaric is still holding Caroline and Elena captive.) Elena: Why are you doing this? Alaric: Because you need me. Because you're an 18 year old girl without parents or guidance or any sense of right and wrong anymore. Elena: Look at you. How is this right? Alaric: She's a murderer. She told me she killed someone and liked it. Now, how is that right? Listen, Elena, your parents led the council. It was their lives' mission to keep this town safe. They weren't dead 6 months before you undid it all. Elena: You don't know anything about them. Alaric: Why am I wrong? Do you actually think that they'd be proud of you? (Alaric kneels down next to Elena.) Alaric: If you don't side with the humans, you're just as bad as them. (Alaric holds out the stake to Elena.) Alaric: Now kill her or I'll do it for you and I'll make it hurt. Get up! (Alaric forces Elena out of her seat and puts the stake into her hand. Elena hesitates for a moment then she tries to stake Alaric. But he grabs her wrist before she can.) Alaric: I thought I taught you better than that. Elena: You did. (Elena smashes the glass with vervain which still stands on a desk nearby into Alaric's face. He screams in pain. Elena walks over to Caroline and frees her.) Elena: Get help! (Caroline runs out of the room. Elena tries to follow her, but Alaric moves into her way.) Alaric: Not so fast. (Caroline gets out into the hallway but then realizes that Elena is not with her. Suddenly, Klaus grabs her from behind covering her mouth with his hand so that she can't scream.) Klaus (whispers): Shhh. It's okay. It's okay. It's me. It's okay. You're safe. We'll save Elena. You go straight home, you stay inside. Do you understand? (Klaus grabs Caroline and turns her around so that she faces him.) Klaus: Do you understand me? Caroline (nods): Thank you. (Klaus leaves. Then, Caroline leaves. Elena and Alaric are now in the hallway. Alaric slams Elena against the locker and then grabs her by the throat.) Alaric: I should kill you. I should gut you like Brian Walters, Bill Forbes and all the other cowards I plan on ripping apart. You're the worst offender of them all, Elena. You don't deserve to live. Elena: So then why am I still alive? There is obviously no humanity left in you. So what's stopping you, Alaric? If you want me dead then kill me. Do it! Kill me! (After a few seconds Alaric decides to release Elena from his grip. Elena breathes heavily. Suddenly, Damon and Stefan appear and hold Alaric by his arms. ) Damon: Do it now! (Alaric throws Damon off of him and snaps Stefan's neck. Stefan falls to the ground. Damon tries to attack Alaric, but he breaks Damon's neck, too. Damon and Stefan both lie unconsciously on the floor now. Klaus appears and thrusts his hand into Alaric's heart.) [Somewhere in the Woods] (Bonnie and Jeremy are somewhere in the woods. Bonnie feels that someone has made contact with Alaric's heart. ) Bonnie: They made contact. It's happening. (Bonnie places her hands above Jeremy's chest and begins to chant a spell.) [Mystic Falls High School] (Alaric pulls Klaus' hand out of his heart and pushes Klaus to the floor.) [Somewhere in the Woods] (Bonnie feels that the connection has been severed and stops the spell.) Jeremy: What's wrong? Bonnie: Something happened. The connection broke. [Mystic Falls High School] (Alaric slams Klaus against the locker. Klaus falls to the ground. Alaric stands above him and tries to stake him. Suddenly, Elena yells at Alaric.) Elena (holding a knife to her throat): Stop! Let him go or I'll kill myself. Alaric: Put it down, Elena. Elena: Why, because you still need me alive? There's a reason why Esther used me to make you, isn't there? She didn't want you to be immortal, so she tied your life to a human one. Mine. That way you have only one life span to kill all vampires and then you'll be gone. So when I die, you die too. That's it. It has to be! Alaric: You're wrong. Elena: Am I? (Elena begins to cut herself. Blood runs down her throat.) Alaric: Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! (Klaus uses Alaric's distraction to throw him off. Klaus grabs Elena and leaves. Alaric gets up and realizes they are both gone.) [Klaus' Mansion] (Elena wakes up sitting in a chair in Klaus' mansion. She feels a prick in her arm. She looks down and sees a nurse inserting a needle into her arm. Klaus sits on a couch nearby.) Nurse: Be careful, moving only makes it hurt more. Elena: What are doing? Klaus: Draining you of all your blood. (Tyler comes in carrying a moving box.) Tyler (surprised): Elena. (Tyler puts the box down and walks towards Elena.) Elena: Tyler, help me! Klaus: He can't. He needs to go fetch me more empty blood bags. About three liters worth, please, Tyler. Elena: Tyler, please. Get Stefan, please. Klaus: No, Tyler, get the bags. (Tyler hesitates then walks towards Elena. Klaus moves into his way.) Klaus: Forget the girl and get the bags. Now! (Tyler leaves the room. Klaus walks behind the chair that Elena is sitting in.) Elena: So that's it? You're just gonna bleed me dry? Klaus: Yes, but don't worry. It'll be completely painless, as the last drop is drawn, you'll simply fall asleep. [Mystic Falls High School] (Stefan's cell phone rings. Damon wakes up from the dead and grabs the phone.) Damon: Why am I still alive? (Alaric walks up to Damon and Stefan.) Alaric: Get up! (Stefan slowly wakes up.) Alaric: I said, get up! Klaus is gonna kill Elena. Damon: What? Stefan: What are you talking about? Klaus needs Elena's blood to make hybrids. She's the last person that he'd kill. Alaric: The witch bound my life to Elena's. If she dies, I die. Klaus figured that out and now he's taken her. Now I'm trapped here until the sun goes down, so you two better get doing what you do best, saving Elena's life. (Alaric leaves, knocking them both out of the way.) [Klaus' Mansion] (The nurse replaces the filled blood bag with a new, empty one.) Elena: What about your hybrids? You'll need more than this to create your army. (Klaus takes one of the blood bags from the nurse.) Klaus: These last few liters will have to suffice. You see, by attempting to kill us, my mother strengthened the bond between my siblings and I. I don't need hybrids. I have my family. Elena: If you believe that, then why take my blood at all? You want a backup family. You know that your siblings will never trust you again. Klaus: You know, Stefan blames me for trying to tear him from his brother, but I think we both know who really came between them. You. That's why you won't choose. You know once you pick a Salvatore, you'll destroy their bond. (Klaus moves closer towards Elena and grabs both her hands.) Klaus: Consider this me doing you a favor. Once you're dead, you won't have to choose. No broken hearts. Their family stays intact. But just between us girls. Who would you have picked? Elena: Rot in hell. Klaus: You're welcome. Sweet dreams, Elena. It's been fun. (Klaus leaves the room. Elena struggles to get out of the chair. Tyler quietly walks into the room and starts to untie Elena.) Elena: What are you doing? Tyler: Shhh. (Klaus walks back into the room.) Elena: Tyler. Klaus: So much for that sire bond. Tyler: I'm not your little bitch anymore. Klaus: How did you break the sire bond? Tyler: By breaking every bone in my body a hundred times for the girl I love. Klaus: That's impossible. Tyler: Is it? Or maybe real love is stronger than fake loyalty. But what would you know about that? Klaus: You know you should be thanking me. I gave you a gift. I took away your misery. Tyler: You didn't give a crap about me! You just didn't want to be alone. (Tyler helps Elena out of the chair.) Tyler: Come on. (Klaus rushes towards them. Elena flies backwards over the chair and hits her head. Klaus grabs Tyler by the throat and pushes him against a wall.) Klaus: Goodbye, Tyler. (Klaus tries to rip Tyler's heart out of his chest, but Tyler twists his arm around. Damon and Stefan come into the room. Damon grabs Klaus's other arm and Stefan thrusts his hand into Klaus' chest. Klaus screams. ) [Somewhere in the Woods] (Bonnie feels that the physical connection has been reestablished and begins to chant the spell. Jeremy's heart stops. Dark veins start to make their way through Bonnie's body.) [Klaus' Mansion] (Klaus realizes his body is desiccating. He looks around helplessly, tears in his eyes. Damon walks over to Elena and helps her up. She holds her head.) Damon: Hey, are you okay? (Elena nods). [Somewhere in the Woods] (Bonnie tries to bring Jeremy back to life. He doesn't wake up immediately. Bonnie starts to panic and shakes him.) Bonnie: Oh my god! Jeremy! Jeremy! Jeremy! (Jeremy finally wakes up.) [Klaus' Mansion] (Klaus' is now defenseless. Stefan pulls his hand out of Klaus' chest. Tyler lays Klaus' body down on the ground.) Stefan: We should get her home before the sun sets. (Damon takes Elena's hand and walks her out of the house. Tyler follows them. Stefan takes a last look at Klaus' body on the ground and then walks out as well.) [Outside the House of the Gilbert Family] (Elena, Stefan and Damon get out of the car and walk towards the house.) Elena: You two are really gonna walk me all the way to the door, aren't you? Stefan: You lost a lot of blood today. Elena: Yeah, I know, but I told you I'm fine. I just have a little headache. Damon: Yeah, but the sun's about to go down and Ric's gonna be able to terrorize the streets any minute. Elena: Yeah, but he can't hurt me. It's you two that we should be worrying about. Stefan: Nah, he won't be able to find us. (Elena opens the front door.) Stefan: I'll call you when we get back. (Stefan and Damon turn around about to walk away.) Elena: I know it's selfish. I know that it seems that I'm stringing you both along. But I - I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I mean, if I choose one of you then I'll lose the other. And I've lost so many people, I just, I can't bear the thought of losing one of you. (Damon and Stefan look at each other unsure what to do or say.) Stefan: It's - It's been a long day. Damon: We'll call you from the road, after we've dumped Klaus' body in the Atlantic. Elena: Just be careful. Both of you. (Stefan and Damon leave. Elena watches them go. Then she closes the door and goes inside.) [House of the Gilbert Family] (Bonnie, Tyler, Matt, Jeremy and Caroline are gathered in the kitchen. Elena walks in the room.) Elena: What are you guys doing here? Caroline: Welcome to our victory party! Elena: What victory? We've failed Alaric is still out there. Bonnie: We know, but we've been trying to get rid of Klaus forever and Caroline convinced us to enjoy it for a night. Matt: I gotta be honest I'm a little pissed none of you let me help you take down original brother number two Tyler: Yeah, he would've taken you right down to the hospital, bro. Matt: Please, I'm more stealth than that, I'm like a ninja. Jeremy: Yeah, you wish. (Caroline hands Elena a glass of tequila.) Caroline: Here, you need this. I heard. And you know that sooner or later, you're gonna have to choose, right? Elena: I know. (Caroline pats Elena's shoulder. Tyler walks over to them.) Tyler: Hey, give me your hand. (Tyler pours salt on Elena's hand.) Elena: Thank you for standing up to Klaus like that. Tyler: Let's just say, it's been a long time coming. Caroline: Way too long. Alright, let's drink! Elena: I do not condone this by the way. Jeremy: You survived Klaus. Alright, make an exception. You can go back to being responsible tomorrow. Elena: Okay. (Elena raises her glass to her mouth about to drink, but then stops.) Tyler: Hang on. Do you guys here that? (They all remain silent for a moment, listening for something.) Tyler: That is the sound of a Klaus free life. (They all laugh. Elena raises her glass to make a toast.) Elena: To a Klaus free life and to all of you, my family. (They all clink their glasses, say cheers and drink.) [House of the Lockwood Family] (Mayor Carol Lockwood opens the front door to let Sheriff Liz Forbes in.) Liz: Carol, what's so urgent you called an emergency council meeting at this hour? Carol: I didn't call the meeting, Liz. He did. (They walk in the living room together. Alaric is there with all of the other council members.) Alaric: Join us sheriff. I was just telling the council about out vampire problem. Or should I say your problem? Liz: What do you think you're doing? Alaric: Well, perhaps you and the mayor can enlighten the group on the strides you've taken to eliminate the issue. Oh, that's right you haven't. You see, the sheriff, a woman we elected to keep our families safe and town secure, has a vampire for a daughter. And our lovely mayor a son who is half vampire, half werewolf. Carol: Why are doing this? Alaric: These women are hypocrites. They claim to spearhead our defense against the supernatural presence then cover up the violent attacks committed by their children. Liz: That's enough. We're done here. It's time to go. (Liz turns around and wants to leave the room, but Alaric moves into her way.) Alaric: Sit down, Liz! We're just getting started. [Somewhere on the Road] (Damon and Stefan are driving somewhere to hide Klaus' body. Damon pats the casket on the back seat.) Stefan: What? Damon: How many desiccated hybrids does it take to screw in a light bulb? Stefan: You're in a good mood. Damon: Yeah, I'm in a good mood. Klaus is dead, my brother is halfway sane, again. Give or take an immortal hunter that wants to kill us, we won, Stefan. Come on, say it. Say it. Stefan: We won. Damon: Once more with feeling. Stefan: We won. Damon: Thank you. Stefan: You know what, thank you. Turns out we make a pretty good team, huh? Damon: It only took a century and a half. Stefan: What happens when Elena makes a decision? Damon: You know how these things pan out, Stefan. She'll probably make a list of pros and cons and then at the end of the day dumps both of our asses. Stefan: What if she doesn't? Damon: Then she'll pick one of us. Stefan: Well, if she chooses you, I'll leave town and let you two be happy and not be bothered by me. Damon: And in sixty years, we'll go back to being brothers and none of this will have mattered, right? Stefan: Yeah. Damon: Fine, she chooses you, I'll leave town too. All this over one girl. Stefan: She's a pretty special girl. Damon: Yes, she is. [House of the Gilbert Family] (Jeremy is repainting Alaric's room. Elena comes in.) Jeremy: Hey. Everyone gone? Elena: It's just us. Jeremy: I hate this room. Elena: Me too. Mom and Dad were right. Alaric should just kill all the vampires and put an end to all of this. But then that means that Caroline dies and Bonnie loses her mom, the mayor loses her son and I lose Stefan and Damon. So if it makes me the bad guy for wanting to keep those people alive, then fine, I'll be the bad guy. Jeremy: You forget that Alaric never wanted any of this. Once he carries out his plans, what if he decides he doesn't want to live anymore and he kills his human connection to end his life. That would mean I would lose you. I'm not gonna let that happen. (Elena smiles.) Jeremy: I'm gonna shower and get some sleep. Goodnight, Elena. Elena: Goodnight. (Jeremy leaves the room. Elena grabs a paintbrush and starts to paint the window frame. Suddenly, Elena grabs her head in pain and collapses to the floor. She bleeds from her nose.)

Klaus acts on his intentions to leave town with Elena, but finds resistance from a surprising new enemy, Alaric the new Original vampire hunter. Bonnie calls on Abby to help her with a difficult spell that will stop Alaric's heart, the same desiccation spell Abby used on Mikael. Abby warns Bonnie that this will make her subject to temptation she might not be able to resist. Alaric forces Elena to come to the school after he captures and tortures Caroline and tries to persuade her to kill Caroline, as Elena had previously expressed her interest in killing vampires. When Elena tries unsuccessfully to save Caroline and is held captive by Alaric, the Salvatore brothers and Klaus rush to save her. Klaus reveals that it is his bloodline to which the Salvatore brothers and Caroline are linked. As Caroline is escaping, Klaus grabs her and makes sure that Caroline gets home safely. A stunned Caroline agrees to let Klaus, Damon and Stefan save Elena, thanks Klaus, and leaves. Klaus goes to save Elena, taking on Alaric, but Alaric quickly turns the tables and is ready to stake him, but just as Alaric is ready to kill Klaus, Elena correctly assumes that she is Alaric's lifeline and that if she dies, so does he. Klaus escapes with Elena, intending to bleed her dry before he leaves town because he wants to kill Alaric. Tyler, Stefan, and Damon use the desiccation spell on Klaus, "killing" him without killing Tyler. Damon and Stefan have a surprisingly candid conversation about the future: if Elena chooses one brother, the other leaves town. Alaric outs both the Sheriff and the Mayor in front of the Council for failing to protect the town from vampires as both their children are vampires. Elena collapses at the end of the episode.

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[Therapist Office] (Therapist, Dan, Deb and Nathan in the room) DOCTOR: Truth is hard. But Hostility stays outside. Who would like to start) DAN: Well you're the one with all the answers Doc why don't you tell us) DOCTOR: Hostility stays outside Dan) DEB: Things have just gotten out of hand, so, we thought we could use some... DAN: No, YOU thought DEB: ...objectivity) DOCTOR: Define "gotten out of hand". Nathan) NATHAN: Pass DEB: We reached the breaking point two weeks ago when my son... DAN: You hear that? "My son" DOCTOR: Deb is speaking now Dan DEB: When our son collapsed on the basketball court after taking drugs to boost his performance. DAN: The kid made a mistake he knows that) DEB: His father has been bullying him about the sport since he was old enough to hold a ball) DOCTOR: Is that true Nathan) DAN: His mother is so quick to put the blame on me, but up until recently, job always came first. DEB: Yes but I changed my behavior Dan, and you haven't. You cant seem to loose this unhealthy obsession you have with basketball, and how Nathan plays it) DAN: (interrupts) She blames me for her shortcomings as a mother) DOCTOR: Ok, I think we got some things out in the open. Nathan, do you think that basketball is part of your families problem) NATHAN: Part of) DOCTOR: But you still like playing) NATHAN: I don't know anymore. DAN: Great, Nice break through Nate. Thanks Doc. (Gets up to leave) DEB: Dan DAN: Hustle up! No way this is helping) [outside the office at the cars) DEB: You're right Dan, we don't need a shrink to identify this families problem, you just made it obvious) DAN: I'm not his only parent Deb. Hey why don't you ride with your old man, Nathan. DEB: Stop it Dan. Come on Nathan lets go) DAN: Let the kid make up his own mind. What do you say son) DEB: Nate) (Nathan looks at both of them then walks away) DAN: Nathan! [Library) (Brooke and Lucas) LUCAS: Here we go. This is the writer I was talking about) BROOKE: Somerset Maugham? (pronounces it wrong) LUCAS: Well its, "Maugham" (corrects her. Reads the back) Human Bondage BROOKE: Bondage! LUCAS: Yeah its not like that) BROOKE: So, you're good. Are we done here! LUCAS: Well I just thought that this was a better opportunity for us to spend some time, you know, hang out with each other) BROOKE: And it is, but can we maybe do it someplace that smells a little less funky) LUCAS: Haha, (smells the book) it's the smell of old books. BROOKE: Like I said! Come on, its my turn. Please! LUCAS: (Sighs) Just keep it legal) (Brooke nods) [Outside a house a night) (Brooke taking her clothes off. Then Lucas and Brooke are seen in a Jacuzzi; Lucas has no shirt and Brooke takes off her bra; They kiss) LUCAS: Wait, you sure your parents wont come home) BROOKE: They could. But, this isn't their Jacuzzi) LUCAS: Brooke...whose house is this) BROOKE: (giggles) I don't know! Does it matter) (Pans away as they make out) [Karen's Caf ) (Deb and Keith at the counter; Deb puts a plate of pancakes and eggs in front of Keith) DEB: Here you go KEITH: Wow, for the diet special that looks pretty damn tasty) DEB: Oh! Sorry) (Takes the plate to another person) KEITH: Things have worked out pretty well huh? Karen's caf gets to stay open, and I get to see a little more of my sister-in-law) DEB: Aw. KEITH: So how are you doing with things! DEB: Uh, we had our first counseling session yesterday KEITH: Dan and counseling. It's kind of like Hannibal Lector at a salad bar. Well if you think it would help I'd be happy to talk to Nathan. DEB: I think he'd like that) (Enter Dan) DAN: I know you like my women, Keith, but come on! Deb's still my wife) KEITH: Won't be for long if you keep this up) DAN: I'm taking Nathan to dinner tonight. Do you have a problem with that) DEB: Yeah. He needs a break from you DAN: You can't stop me from seeing my own son. DEB: Oh, actually I can. By telling you nicely, or calling a lawyer. Your choice) DAN: Tell him I'll pick him up at 7 (Dan leaves) KEITH: Tell Nathan to come see me. I'll do what I can) [Peyton's house) (Door is cracked open and Lucas hears noise inside) LUCAS: Peyton? (Grabs a rake and goes inside) Peyton! (A man is standing in the kitchen; Lucas knocks on the table with the rake) Where's Peyton) MR. SAWYER: Dressing for school is my guess) LUCAS: Who are you! MR. SAWYER: I'm the guy who's about to take that rake from you and beat your scrawny @#%$. I'm her dad. Who are you) LUCAS: Oh. Sorry. The front door was open and I thought...I'm Lucas) (They shake hands) MR. SAWYER: Larry Sawyer. (Peyton walks in) PEYTON: Hey dad do you know where my...(sees Lucas) What are you doing here) MR. SAWYER: Oh he's trying to rake me to death) PEYTON: What?) LUCAS: I thought you were...nothing crucial. I'm gonna go put this back) [outside school) BROOKE: So, who's the guy) PEYTON: What guy) BROOKE: The one that's got you smiling PEYTON: That'd be my dad) BROOKE: Oh I'd be smiling too but for entirely different reasons) PEYTON: Dude that's my dad! Don't go all horndog on me. There's a line) BROOKE: Speaking of which, I really don't wanna cross any so tell me if this is totally inappropriate to ask. PEYTON: When has that every stopped you) BROOKE: I need to connect more with Lucas) PEYTON: I thought you guys were already doing that) BROOKE: I mean, the making out thing is great and all but it only goes so far. Can you help a girl out) PEYTON: Yeah. (Reaches into her bag for a CD) You know what? Give him this) BROOKE: Travis PEYTON: Yeah, Tell him that tracks 8 and 11 make you think of him) BROOKE: Great. Wait, make me think of him or make you think of him) PEYTON: Just friends) BROOKE: I know, sorry. You're a goddess. (hugs her and leaves) [Tutoring Center) HALEY: Did you finish 'The Little Prince') NATHAN: No, I just rented the movie. This book is stupid) HALEY: Nathan, you're not going to pass French if you keep renting movies) NATHAN: Well, its not like I have a lot of time to just sit around and read) HALEY: So, are you ever going to tell me how it went) NATHAN: The therapist asked me if I really want to play basketball or not) HALEY: Wow, what did you say) NATHAN: I didn't know what to say. Nobody's ever asked me that question) HALEY: Wow, that's really big) NATHAN: This last couple of weeks without it, I mean if I didn't play I might actually have a life) HALEY: What would you do) NATHAN: I don't know. At least I'd have some time to figure it out though. Besides, I'm sure we could find a lot better things to do with our time right) HALEY: You think? (they kiss) I think you're really brave. To consider rebuilding who you are. I don't know if I could do that. NATHAN: You could. Well, I gotta go) HALEY: (looks at her watch) Oh yeah. Hey, um, practice starts back up again today right) NATHAN: Yeah, I'm just not sure if I do. I'll see ya) [Outside school) (Lucas is sitting down working, Brooke comes up to him) BROOKE: All work and no Brooke make Luke a boring boy) LUCAS: Hey BROOKE: I got you something LUCAS: But I don't have anything for you BROOKE: And yet you do. (Hands him the cd) A couple of songs on there that made me think of you. Of course most things do) LUCAS: I didn't know you were into Travis BROOKE: Are you kidding I love Travis. He's the best. LUCAS: Who) BROOKE: Travis guy. Are we not in the same conversation? (Luke looks confused. Bell Rings) Check out tracks 8 and 13. You'll love them. (kisses him) Bye. [Classroom) (Peyton drawing in school; Lucas puts the cd in front of her) LUCAS: Thought you might want that back) PEYTON: I already have it) LUCAS: So do I. Tracks 8 and 11? Totally you. So what are you doing? Some sort of serrano thing for Brooke) PEYTON: Why would I do that) LUCAS: Well I asked you first PEYTON: Look, don't underestimate Brooke. She's full of surprises. Its just part of her charm) LUCAS: She told me to listen to track 13. There are only 12 songs) PEYTON: Honest mistake) LUCAS: Yeah, I guess. Anyway, sorry about this morning with your dad. (both laugh) I had no idea he was there. PEYTON: It's cause he usually isn't. LUCAS: I thought you were happy with your setup) PEYTON: That's what I tell him. I make up stuff in the emails I send him about how happy I am being on my own, and how responsible I'm being even when I'm not. He loves his job, you know? And after my mom died, it's just not fair to ask him to give that up. But I miss him when he's away. LUCAS: You tell him that) PEYTON: He worries. It's just better not to. LUCAS: So listen, I don't have a lot of quiet time these days. You mind if I just sit and read while you draw! PEYTON: As long as you don't act out the parts. LUCAS: (laughs) Alright) (Peyton watches him read then looks down. Luke looks up at her and smiles) [Scott Body Shop) (Keith lowers a car and Nathan is standing on the other side) NATHAN: My mom said you wanted to see me) KEITH: Yeah. Hand me that ratchet would you? So how are you holding up) NATHAN: Why? Are you going to report it back to my mom) KEITH: It's not like that Nate. Look I know you and I haven't talked very much. And I'm sorry about that. But that's just fall out from your dad and me. I know you're going through some tough times so, if you need anything. NATHAN: Well, let me ask you something. You played basketball in high school right) KEITH: Only for a little while. NATHAN: You didn't enjoy it) KEITH: What are you kidding me? I loved it! But there was no pressure then. And then I didn't love it so much anymore. Your dad came up and just made everything a competition. NATHAN: So then you just walked away) KEITH: Only looked back at the cheerleaders. It's just a game Nate. Not a life. [Outside school) (Haley meets up with Peyton) HALEY: Hey spirit girl. That cheerleading thing always throws me off) PEYTON: What) HALEY: Just the more I get to know you the harder it is to wrap my head around it) PEYTON: My mom used to cheer and Brooke and I have been cheering together forever so it's just kind of our thing. HALEY: Oh cool. PEYTON: What's up) HALEY: So, um, I need some advice. About Nathan. I don't know if its crossing a line. (Peyton starts to laugh) Okay funny wasn't what I was going for but.) PEYTON: I was the queen of boyfriend-dysfunction and now I guess I'm everybody's go-to on relationship advice its just kind of bizarre right! HALEY: If it's too weird then... PEYTON: No it's cool. What's going on) HALEY: Well, um, Nathan's talking about quitting the team. And I just, I don't know what to say) PEYTON: Yeah, look I could never find the words to get through that big wall that he puts up so I really can't help you out much. But you're so much better with him than I ever was. He's lucky to have you) HALEY: Thanks. I don't want to keep you from your practice. PEYTON: Hmm. Go Ravens. HALEY: Hey, um, I didn't mean anything, about your mom. PEYTON: It's cool HALEY: Ok [Inside gym) (Cheerleaders are warming up) BROOKE: You could have told me Travis was a group PEYTON: It's not like it's some big secret) BROOKE: Lucas gave me the weirdest look when I said that. I felt so stupid) PEYTON: You're not stupid. You guys just don't like the same things. BROOKE: See that's the problem. He brings up art and books and I've got nothing. (Whistle blows; Guys run out into the gym. Lucas runs past Brooke and Peyton) Hey you LUCAS: Hey you. (to Peyton) And you) (Whitey blows whistle again) WHITEY: Welcome back gentlemen. Lets see how soft you all got after that little hiatus. Suicides. Now (Jake jogs in with Jenny) Better be a basketball in that thing Jagielski) JAKE: Come on Coach. It's either this or I miss practice) WHITEY: Alright well find her a spot with a good view so that she can watch her daddy throw up) PEYTON: I'll take her Jake. JAKE: Yeah? Thanks Peyton) PEYTON: Glad to WHITEY: (Whistle) Alright, gather around. Where's Nathan? Tim, you're his girlfriend, where is he) TIM: I don't know coach. He was at school today) WHITEY: Alright. I've got some offensive sets worked out here. Line up at the low stacks. [Lucas house) (Typing a letter to his mom when Brooke walks in) BROOKE: So I had an idea. LUCAS: Okay BROOKE: Remember when I read that Steinberg book! LUCAS: Steinbeck BROOKE: Yeah, that guy. And then you did something that I wanted) LUCAS: Oh yeah, yeah. Getting drunk, tattooed and grounded! BROOKE: But in a fun way. I'm thinking we should try that again LUCAS: Okay, you might want to run that by Keith first. BROOKE: Not exactly that, I just, I want to know everything about you. And I want you to know...almost everything about me) LUCAS: What's going on Brooke) BROOKE: Nothing. I just. I want to know you better Luke. So how about, the next time you do something you love, you bring me along, and then we trade. Are you busy after practice tomorrow) LUCAS: Yeah, I have a date with you) [restaurant) (Dan and Nathan; Girl brings pizza to the table) TARA: Half with olives. We aim to please) DAN: (flirting) Well, you hit the bulls eye Tara) (Nathan gives him a look) DAN: What? You know how I like to kid around. NATHAN: Yeah, you're famous for it. Dad, you really think that's gonna help what's going on) DAN: Look, you know I think this counseling thing is ridiculous but I promised your mom I'd try again. We'll be okay) NATHAN: Right DAN: You just focus on your game. Whitey kick your @#%$ today) NATHAN: I didn't go to practice) DAN: What's going on with you Nate) NATHAN: Nothing, I just need some time. Okay) DAN: No its not okay. It's career suicide) NATHAN: Dad, Keith said... DAN: Keith said! You talked to Keith? You take advice from Keith you'll end up spending the rest of your life running a second rate auto garage. Is that what you want) NATHAN: I told you. I don't know what I want) [Scott Body Shop) (Keith lowers a car and Dan is standing on the other side) KEITH: That's just freaky) DAN: Where do you get off telling Nathan he can quit the team) KEITH: I didn't tell him he could quit. He wanted to talk, we talked. Maybe you ought to try it something) DAN: So you neglect him most of his life, I'm out of the house a week, and there you are) KEITH: He surprised me, Dan. You know Nathan's a good kid. You got him so screwed up he doesn't know what he wants) DAN: Deb got her hand up your back, Keith) KEITH: Deb's the best thing Nathan's got going for him right now. She's trying to save him) DAN: What the hell do you think I'm trying to do) KEITH: I've been trying to figure that out all these years, Danny) DAN: I don't mind you playing Daddy to one of my offspring, but leave the good one alone, would you) [outside school] (Jake walks with Peyton) JAKE: Hey Peyton. Missing these! PEYTON: Those are the keys to the squads equipment cabinet. I gave them to Jenny yesterday to play with. She was shaking them like a pom pom. JAKE: Maybe she'll be a cheerleader) PEYTON: Or President. You gotta think big) JAKE: Alright, you never know. Whatever makes her happy. PEYTON: You know I think its really amazing how committed to her you are) JAKE: Well, its really not that hard. I mean, from the moment I saw her I was totally hooked. She's just so cute. And I think about watching her grow up. I couldn't imagine not being there. PEYTON: You know I bet you're a really great dad. JAKE: I don't know. Some days I wonder) (They walk off screen) [SCENE_BREAK] (Lucas stops Nathan outside the gym) LUCAS: Hey Nathan NATHAN: Hey LUCAS: Missed you at practice NATHAN: Look man you don't have to be nice to me cause I'm going out with Haley, okay) LUCAS: I'm not. Team sucks on a day without you man. Ask Whitey. NATHAN: I'm trying to avoid him. LUCAS: That's cool. Do what you got to do) NATHAN: Usually do (Lucas leaves. Haley comes up to Nathan) HALEY: Am I hallucinating? Did I just see you talking to Lucas) NATHAN: No, he was trying to talk to me. The whole nice guy thing's wearing kind of thin) HALEY: You want to walk to English) NATHAN: Actually I think I'm gonna cut out of here a little bit early. Wanna join me) HALEY: Are you serious) NATHAN: Yeah, why not? You up for it) HALEY: I can't, Nathan. NATHAN: Alright. Well, look, I gotta get out of here so I'll catch you later. HALEY: Okay (Starts to walk away. Haley thinks about it and catches up to him) You know what? Catch me now) [Outside Dan's Motors) (Haley's excited as Nathan pulls up in a convertible) HALEY: (getting in) Oh My God! NATHAN: Nice huh) [the Beach) (Nathan and Haley are drinking) HALEY: So, are we trying to get killed) NATHAN: I told you, my dad's in Charlotte, it's okay. I've never seen you like this) HALEY: Now you have (kisses him) NATHAN: Let's go inside HALEY: Okay (Haley starts to get on his back) Okay, 1...3...5 (Jumps on) Okay NATHAN: Got it) HALEY: Yeah I'm good. Oh, stop moving the pier. (They look up to see Dan in front of them) NATHAN: Nice knowing you (Dan is somewhat pulling Haley to the car; Nathan is going to the car) DAN: You've got Mason Bowl next week and this is how you're training) NATHAN: Can we do this later) DAN: There may not be a later for you) HALEY: Oh, oh Mr. Scott DAN: Was I talking to you? (Slams her door) Get in the car. I'm driving you both home. You're mother's going to love this. You getting drunk on her watch... (Haley throws up in his lap) HALEY: Oh! Eh. [Karen's Caf ) (Peyton eating with her dad) MR. SAWYER: There's some kind of interesting news that I need to talk to you about. PEYTON: Why does interesting scare me) MR. SAWYER: No, no. Listen, the company's been hired to do some flood control. They want me to supervise. PEYTON: How long is it going to be this time) MR. SAWYER: Well, seeing that it is in New Zealand, um, 3 maybe 4 months) PEYTON: So, what's the upside) MR. SAWYER: It's a lot of money, sweetie. Way more than I make now. We could be good to go for a while. Maybe even afford that art school you talk about. PEYTON: Is this something that you want) MR. SAWYER: I only want to do this if it's right for us) PEYTON: (Nods, trying to hide her disappointment) You should do it dad. (Lucas enters the cafe and comes to the counter and sees Haley who looks hung over) LUCAS: What happened to you) HALEY: Nice to see you too LUCAS: Yeah I missed you in sixth period) HALEY: Yeah, I kind of skipped. You can get your jaw off the floor now) LUCAS: He's got you skipping school) HALEY: Lucas, talk to me when you get your tattoo removed) (She walks to the back) LUCAS: alright MR. SAWYER: Lucas) PEYTON: What are you doing! MR. SAWYER: I'm taking care of my little girl) PEYTON: You are such a trouble maker. Daddy stop it, come on. Don't. Stop. MR. SAWYER: Hey, sit down, Rake Boy) LUCAS: Hey. I'm never gonna live that one down) MR. SAWYER: Probably not. PEYTON: It's okay, he can be way worse) MR. SAWYER: What have you got there? (taking his books) You're reading Faulkner in school now) LUCAS: No, I just love his stuff) (Brooke walking towards the caf . Looks at herself in a car mirror. She notices Peyton, Mr. Sawyer and Lucas in the caf laughing and looks hurt) [School Hall) (Brooke walks up to Lucas' locker) BROOKE: So what did you do last night? I saw you with Peyton LUCAS: What are you talking about) BROOKE: You two just looked pretty friendly LUCAS: Well that's because we're friends BROOKE: And what are we) LUCAS: Well, I thought that we were dating) BROOKE: Well it looked more like you were dating Peyton. How messed up is that? (Walks away) LUCAS: Brooke! (Peyton comes to his locker) PEYTON: What was that about) LUCAS: She's mad. She saw us together last night PEYTON: I'll talk to her. Explain to her how bored out of my skull I was listening to you and my dad talk about dead writers all night) LUCAS: Hey! You okay? You just seemed kind of weird when your dad called me over) PEYTON: He had just told me about this horrid job he's taken in New Zealand, so he's gonna be gone for like ever now) LUCAS: Well did you tell him not to) PEYTON: It's important to him) LUCAS: Yeah but he doesn't know it's important to you. You've got to stop pretending everything's okay...he might surprise you) [Tutoring center) (Haley sighs and checks watch. She starts to pack her things when Nathan walks in late) HALEY: Oh hey. I almost gave up on you NATHAN: Lost track sorry. You still hung over) HALEY: I'm not as bad as your dad's pants) NATHAN: How great was that) HALEY: Horrible. Let's just tackle some geometry okay) NATHAN: Or, Bottle Rocket is playing at this theater downtown. We could take the train) HALEY: Are you serious) NATHAN: I promise I won't get your drunk okay) HALEY: We are doing equation's on the train) NATHAN: Alright, it's not exactly risky business, but there's always the ride back. (A quiz with an 'F' is on the table) Is this one mine) HALEY: No. I...This girl I know missed a pop quiz in English Lit yesterday) NATHAN: Haley, you got an F) HALEY: Mr. Kelly said I could make it up. It's no big deal. (stands up. Takes paper) It's shocking, I'm human I know. Let's go. (kisses him and leaves) [Peyton's house) (Mr. Sawyer opens a box (iSight by Apple) when Peyton walks in) MR. SAWYER: Hey, check this out. New web cam with 2 way voice capability. Sweet huh? No more hunt and peck. PEYTON: That's great. Daddy, I just... MR. SAWYER: Hey, and since I missed your last birthday. I got a little surprise for you. (Opens a box with oil paints) You've been yammering about working with oils. PEYTON: Wow, um, These are way too expensive. MR. SAWYER: Not anymore, thanks to Global Dredging) PEYTON: So, you already took the job) MR. SAWYER: Yep, Made the call this morning. PEYTON: Well congratulations) MR. SAWYER: Yeah, yeah, well you and I are going to go out and celebrate, what do you say) PEYTON: Okay MR. SAWYER: Let me go change. I'll be quick. (He leaves Peyton looking upset; Doctor's voice is over a shot of Peyton after her dad leaves the room) DOCTOR: You know, sometimes we hold back to spare each other's feelings, and our own. [therapist's office) (Doctor continues) DOCTOR: So maybe it's good that we have a session without Nathan DEB: Holding back hasn't been our problem) DOCTOR: How is he doing) DAN: He's out of control. DEB: He's skipping school DAN: Basketball practice DEB: Yesterday we caught him drinking DOCTOR: Sounds like he wants your attention DAN: He was a good kid before. Worked hard. Kept busy with sports) DEB: He needs to find himself outside of sports) DAN: Right, take away the one sure thing the kids got) DOCTOR: Tell me about basketball, Dan) DAN: Uh, you put a ball through a hoop) DOCTOR: What do you think Nathan gets out of it) DAN: He gets structure and discipline. And he gets to know that he's the best at something) DEB: And also, you can relive your past and feel good about yourself) DOCTOR: Okay, time out. Um, lets talk about the two of you for a minute. I mean outside of Nathan, let's explore what makes you work as a couple. I mean who are Deb and Dan Scott! (Both look at each other without talking) [Gym) (Whitey and Nathan) WHITEY: Well, you're late, practice was over about 5 hours ago) NATHAN: I drove past and saw your car. Don't you ever go home) WHITEY: (Laughs) Sometimes I think this is my home. (sits down) Well is this a hit and run or a sit down) NATHAN: Sit down I guess) WHITEY: Good NATHAN: I don't know what I'm going to do, Coach) WHITEY: Nathan, nobody can make you do anything you don't really want to) NATHAN: By nobody you mean my dad) WHITEY: Let me ask you a question. Let's take your father out of the picture) NATHAN: I wish WHITEY: Let's take out all the pushing, the pressure, the training that you've got to do to be as good as you are. Now ask yourself one simple question. Do you really love this game! NATHAN: I do. I just hate what it's doing to my life. WHITEY: Then you may have found your answer. [Outside school) (Peyton sitting on a bench drawing; Brooke joins her) BROOKE: You wanna know what I think! PEYTON: I'm sure you'll tell me BROOKE: I think he's trying to have the best of both worlds) PEYTON: Who? Lucas! BROOKE: He uses you for some sort of intellectual slash emotional thing, and me he just uses. PEYTON: Come on, you know he's not like that) BROOKE: He's a guy, Peyton. I mean follow the nature trail and they're all the same) PEYTON: Brooke, you could have any guy that you want and now you've got Lucas, okay so can you please just sit back and enjoy it? He likes you! I like you, okay? So trust him, trust me, maybe try trusting yourself, okay! (Peyton leaves) [Peyton's room) Mr. Sawyer is on the computer; Puts in a disk and it starts installing. He starts looking around the room at her art. He sees the stop light drawing: Bottom picture green light, middle picture yellow light, top picture all three are red "People always leave" written on top) (Enter Lucas) MR. SAWYER: Doorbell broken) LUCAS: She never hears it. She always has her music on) MR. SAWYER: I tell myself I'm doing what's best for my daughter. That she should have whatever she wants. LUCAS: What I think she wants is you. (Hands him the paper) Did you see her comic strip today) MR. SAWYER: What strip) (4 drawings: Little girl waving goodbye to a ship with the girl getting bigger and the boat getting smaller each time) LUCAS: It's supposed to be anonymous, our secret okay) MR. SAWYER: Yeah [Outside school) NATHAN: Hey Haley you got a sec) HALEY: Hey you planning our next road trip) NATHAN: Actually, I thought we could just talk HALEY: Oh yeah sure what's up) NATHAN: Well, look. (They sit down) Haley, I've had a lot of fun with you lately. But, I'm trying to apologize. For dragging you out of class the last couple of days) HALEY: Oh Nathan, I had fun. NATHAN: And you got an F on your exam. HALEY: Well, so what? You know I make my own choices and I choose to be with you) NATHAN: That's the thing. Look I like to be with you too, but the real Haley, the one that I got all crushed out on, you know? I don't want to see you change. I like you. And I like the fact that somebody like you sees something in me. HALEY: Somebody like me or me) NATHAN: You already know the answer to that) (Kisses her) [Peyton's house) (Lucas is sitting at the table when Peyton walks in) PEYTON: You waiting for me) LUCAS: Actually I'm just hanging out with your dad PEYTON: Oh God, help me. Listen you should probably talk to Brooke, she's convinced she's not being a good enough girlfriend. (Mr. Sawyer comes down) MR. SAWYER: Ops, am I interrupting! LUCAS: Actually, I was just gonna...(leaves) PEYTON: (Looking at the bag on her dad's shoulder) Please tell me that's laundry. MR. SAWYER: My ride's on the way. I'm headed out tonight. PEYTON: You said you were going to be here till Wednesday) MR. SAWYER: That was before I turned down the job) PEYTON: What) MR. SAWYER: They managed to find me a 3 week gig instead. Then after that, I'm only taking locals, so we can be a family again) PEYTON: Daddy don't joke with me MR. SAWYER: It's no joke, hunny. Peyton, I love what I do, but not nearly as much as I love you. You've been alone enough, no more) PEYTON: I love you, Daddy. (hugs him) MR. SAWYER: You better. (horn) Just promise to keep talking to me okay? I want to know what's going on inside that pretty head) PEYTON: Okay (Lucas walks back in) LUCAS: Mr. Sawyer, your ride's here) MR. SAWYER: Oh, I gotta go. PEYTON: Okay MR. SAWYER: Lucas, you keep an eye on this one for me alright) LUCAS: I will. (Peyton hugs her dad again) PEYTON: I'll leave the light on for you) MR. SAWYER: Oh and by the way. I like your comic strip. (He walks out the door) (Peyton gives Lucas a look, he pretends not to know anything) [Outside Lucas' house) (Brooke is sitting on the steps waiting for him) LUCAS: Hey BROOKE: Keith said you were at Peyton's, again) LUCAS: Actually I was with Peyton's dad, if that makes any difference) BROOKE: Whatever. Luke can we talk! LUCAS: Yeah. BROOKE: Okay, I'm not sure if we have a problem, or if I have a problem. LUCAS: What's the problem) BROOKE: In a nutshell, You're you and I'm me) LUCAS: Yeah but if I was you, you'd be dating yourself. BROOKE: What I mean is, I do what I do, and I like what I like, and that's just who I am. LUCAS: I know, and that's what I love about you BROOKE: Okay but the music that you listen to and the books that you read, I'm not into any of that stuff) LUCAS: And I never asked you to be. Okay? You know I kind of enjoy the fact that we're different) BROOKE: Okay. I'm sorry. It's just that you're the first really great guy that I've ever dated and that really scares me because I never gave a rat's @#%$ before, okay? But I do now) LUCAS: That's good, because I give a rats @#%$ about you too) (Luke kisses her) [Beach house) (Dan is on the pier, Nathan stands next to him) DAN: You're mother know you're here) NATHAN: Yeah, she said it was cool as long as we didn't kill each other. I'm sorry for all the crap I've been pulling lately, dad) DAN: I figured. Everything okay) NATHAN: Not so good. DAN: Well, you'll bounce back) NATHAN: Dad, how did we get so screwed up) DAN: We'll get through this, Nate) NATHAN: How? Everything's basketball with us, Dad. And now you're yelling at me, and mom. Mom's yelling back at you. I'm starting to wonder, is this all because of me) DAN: Nathan... NATHAN: I mean, Dad, look, I know you're upset with me missing practice and everything, but I'm just not sure if I'll ever be the player you were. I'm starting to think maybe (sighs) maybe you chose the wrong son. DAN: Nathan, you have to know, whatever you do, whatever you decide. You're my son, and I am proud of you. I love you. [The Park) (Nathan playing basketball at the park; Lucas walks on) LUCAS: Hey NATHAN: I was looking for you. I'm done. Just thought you should be the first to know. LUCAS: Me! NATHAN: Yeah, you wanted my world man, (bounces the ball to Lucas) it's all yours) [Jake's house) (Jenny is crying. Jake hands her keys to calm her down) [Nathan's House) (Deb looking in her empty bedroom) [Peyton's House) (Peyton turning on the front porch light) [Lucas and Brooke making out in the back of a car) [Dan sitting alone on his porch) LUCAS: (V.O.) "And the little prince said to the man" [Locker-room) (Nathan pulling his name tag off his locker and shooting it into the trash, Whitey watching him leave) LUCAS: (V.O.) "Grownups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always explaining things to them"

After quitting the basketball team, Nathan takes advantage of his extra free time to see more of Haley. The couple spend an afternoon at his beach house, where the liquor flows. The Scotts see a therapist to try to fix their family problems, but the distance between Deb and Dan continues to grow. Meanwhile, Brooke grows jealous of Peyton's growing bond with Lucas. This episode is named after a song by Mike + The Mechanics .

fd_Heartland_07x07

fd_Heartland_07x07_0

Lou: Previously on "Heartland": Amy: So, you like this horse? Caleb: Sure do, Amy. I might buy him. I don't know, maybe raising stock could be a new career for me. Nicole: So great you bought this place, Lou! My grandmother actually had a cafe just like this. Maybe this is a chance for me to start over. Are you serious? Joe: Ty? Joe. What are you doin' here? About five years. Come on! [Horse snorts, hooves thump] Amy: That's good! Keep him movin'! Joe: She was pregnant when I got arrested. She had a boy. I have a son. Tell me what I want Give me what I need I found love then I let it leave [truck rumbles] Took my time and waited I waited every day I found love then I went away [car revs] [Car thunders by] [Car revs] [Car tires screech, engine revs] [Car revs] [Tires squeal] Hey! [Tires squeal] [Engine roars] [Tires squeal] Just pass me, buddy! [Car and truck rumble] Sleeping's but a waste, here I'm gonna stay What's your problem, buddy?! [Car revs] [Car tires squeal] [Car tires screech, gravel clatters] [Truck and car screech to a halt] Man in car: [Laughs hysterically] Ty: Are you crazy?! Man in car: [Laughs hysterically] You drive like an old lady. Joe! And at the break of day You sank into your dream You dreamer Oh, oh, oh... You dreamer You dreamer Lou: Okay, Nicole, I'll give you the rundown. So, three cabins, maximum four guests per cabin. Check in after 3 P.M., check out no later than 11. Any questions? Nicole: Uh, I don't think so. Lou: Well, in that case, allow me to welcome you to my humble empire. The keys to the heartland equestrian connection, and the keys to Maggie's diner and feed store. Thank you, thank you. I won't let you down. You better not. Amy: All right, all set. Hey, Nicole. He, Amy. So I hear you're the new manager. You heard right. Well, congratulations. I have a complaint. Oh, okay, my first complaint. Very exciting. You see, Lou told me she was gonna hire a trail boss. Yes, Amy, I'm sorry, I just haven't had any time. Lou, I love helping you out, you know that, but I don't have time to do trail rides every day, especially with business picking up at heartland. You know what? Enough said. I'm gonna have somebody hired by the end of the week. Thank you! See? Results. Did I mention how happy I am you're here. [Laughs] Me too. I mean, would you look at this place? It's so peaceful. I can literally feel the stress leaving my body. Lou: [Laughs] Amy: You ready to hit the trail? Boy: Yes I am! [Horse snorts and whinnies] Amy: Whoa! Easy, boy! Steady- [horse shrieks] Whoa! Whoa, easy... [Pony shudders, boy whimpers] Easy, whoa. What kind of a teacher assigns a science project over summer? Just get it over as quickly as possible, like rippin' off a bandaid. [Cell phone rings] Hi. Yeah, we're just about to get started. Yeah, that's fine. No problem, okay. Uh, Lou is stuck at the dude ranch so we are gonna get started on our own. Okay, but do I have to do the prehistoric diorama? Why can't I do something cooler like... The truth about ufo's? Well, it's too late, because we've already bought all the stuff for the diorama, that's why, and, you know, honey, ufo's are more science fiction than actual science. Dinosaurs, my friend, are tried and true, right? [Grunts unenthusiastically] In other words, boring! Lou: Is everybody okay? They're fine. Kids are a bit upset, but their mom perked right up when I offered her a complimentary night. Thanks for taking care of that. Yeah. So what do you think happened? It's hard to say, you know. Sometimes horses are afraid of small animals like ponies, but I won't know until I start working with him. You know, I can't believe this. I just bought this guy a couple of weeks ago. Who was the seller? Lou: Caleb. He promised me that Archie would be the perfect packhorse. Why don't you give me this Caleb guy's phone number? I mean, if he sold you a problem horse, then he's responsible. Lou: Caleb is kind of a family friend, so it's probably better if I deal with him myself. Well, he's not my friend. I'd be a lot more objective. You know what? You're right. Caleb is all yours. Great. Send me his info. I'm gonna head back to the diner. Amy, can you call me with any updates on Archie? For sure. Nicole: Great. She's a little intense, huh? Lou: Are you kidding me? She's terrifying. Caleb isn't gonna know what hit him. Joe: So I'm driving, on my way to winnipeg, and, uh, I think to myself, "why not see my old friend, Ty, stop in?" And wouldn't you know it, there you were driving that same old hunk of junk right there on the road. Joe, you are the last guy I expected to see. I thought you were still in prison. Joe: Yeah, I was, but not anymore. There was a parole hearing and the nice folks in the monkey suits decided I was no longer a menace to society. I had them all fooled. I just got a few things to do here and then we can head back to my place, all right? Yeah, sure. So, uh, this is where you work, huh? Yeah, just part-time though. I'm going to vet school at the university of calgary. Wow! That's fantastic, Ty. You really moved up. Ty: Well, I don't know about that, but... Joe: Hey, don't sell yourself short. You worked hard to get where you are. You had a dream and... You made it happen. Well, now that you're a free man, you can start working on some dreams of your own. Hey, I got dreams. Remember how I told you I had a son? Yeah. Well, his name's Noah, lives in winnipeg with his mom; That's why I'm on my way out there to see them. We're gonna be a family. Ty: Hey, that's great, man. I'm happy for ya! Joe: Thanks. Yeah, you know, he uh... Looks just like me. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's funny. [Laughing] So what are you gonna do to this dog? Well, this is flora. She just had an operation, so I just gave her a little bit of painkiller to make her comfortable. Hey, flora? You wanna come out and say hi to Joe? Yeah, easy, easy. Easy there, easy. Look at you. You're the real deal, Ty borden. Oh, be careful with that, alright? I'm gonna check her pulse. All right. Jack: What's going on here? Peter: Hey! This is, uh, Georgie's science project. Apparently we're building a prehistoric diorama. We got dinosaurs, volcanos, the whole nine yards going here. Jack: Yeah, I seem to recall Lou doing exactly the same thing when she was Georgie's age. It went over very big at the fifth grade science fair. Lou: Okay, crisis at the dude ranch has been averted. I'm all yours. Great! Well, we're ready to go. Good, let's get started. Aren't you guys missing something? No, I don't think so. Oh wait honey. Where's the decorative moss? Ah. Ah, ah! False alarm. It's right here. I'm talkin' about Georgie, for crying out loud. Amy: Okay, Archie, meet pogie. He's not gonna hurt you, all right? Whoa! Come on, he's a lot smaller than you. Hey, Amy, can I help? [Archie snorts] Amy: Georgie, stay back! [Archie snorts] Can you go back to the house? I need to work with him alone. [Archie whinnies] Georgie: Okay. [Archie whinnies shrilly] Amy: Archie, Archie, come on. Easy, boy, easy. Good boy. What's going on with you, huh? [Truck rumbles] Caleb: Afternoon. I'm sorry, we're all booked up. No, I'm not here for a cabin. You don't remember me at all, do you? Uh, should I? Met you a few years ago - you and a your girlfriends from New York? Caleb odell. Oh, right, of course. Yeah, Caleb. Did you get my message? Caleb: Uh, which one? I mean you left five. Nicole: Well, you don't answer your phone. Caleb: Yeah, I was out of range. Out of range? Is that even still a thing? You don't spend too much time out here in the country, do you? Well, long enough to witness the horse you sold Lou nearly wipe out an entire family. Is, is everyone all right? Yeah. Luckily, no one got hurt, but if Amy can't figure out how to fix Archie I'm gonna require a full refund. [Chuckles] I'm sorry about what happened, but I sold Lou a healthy and sound horse. I mean you can't expect me to predict how a horse is gonna behave in every situation. I really hope I don't have to get my lawyers involved here. Hey, hold up! L-lawyer?! Hey, you better watch out! Are you threatening me? Caleb: No, for the uh... Nicole: Oh! [Wet squish] Oh, every time. You might want to think about gettin' a proper pair of boots. Mrs. foster: Excuse me, the power's not working in my cabin. Can you come and...? Well, I'll just be on my way. Mrs. foster: Hello? Nicole: Yeah. Right away. Georgie: Are you sure this prehistoric diorama is a good idea? Lou: Are you kidding? Of course it is! Lou: I did this exact same project when I was in fifth grade and I came in second at the school science fair. I would have come in first if it wasn't for Mary Jane sutka and her ridiculous model of a guillotine, but of course, the judges were so impressed when she cut the head off her cabbage patch doll. Peter: [Laughs] Cool. Lou: No, not really cool, and if you think about it, not really scientific. Peter: Well, that's true. [Cell phone rings] Lou: It's Nicole. [Phone beeps on] Lou: Hello? Nicole: The power's out at all the cabins. Lou: What? Nicole: Yes! So I- Lou: No, no, no, I'll be right there. Nicole: Okay. Lou: Okay. The power is out at the dude ranch. Can you believe it? Peter: Ah. Go, go, I got this. Lou: Okay, I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? Peter: No problem. Lou: God, can anything else go wrong today? [Chuckles] [Sighs heavily] You're not really into this whole diorama thing, are you? Not at all. I tell you what. Let's... Let's just do something else. Can we do the truth about ufo's? Yeah, I mean we could, we could, but here's an even better idea. I got two words for you: Potato battery. [Laughs excitedly] Right?! Amy: So the first time I brought Archie into the round pen with the pony he totally spooked, but I've had them spend the day together and he seems fine now. Jack: Well, problem solved then. Amy: I guess. Jack: Well, you don't sound so sure. Amy: Well, it's just that it happened too fast. You know, most horses would take a lot longer to get over a fear like that. I'm just worried it was something else that spooked him. So what do you wanna do about it? Well, I'm gonna take him on a test trail ride tomorrow, pack him up with supplies and see how he does while he's workin'. Sounds like a good plan to me. Yeah, do you think maybe you could give me a hand? Count me in. Okay. Thanks, grandpa. Now look what the cat dragged in! [Laughs] Caleb: Hey, guys! I didn't know you were in town. Jack: How's the buckin' horse business treatin' ya? I can't complain. Well, actually, I can. Nicole gave me an earful about that packhorse. How bad is he? Well, to be honest, I just started working with him so I don't really know. From the way she was talkin', I half expected to see him kickin' down walls. You know, she even threatened to call her lawyer. That must be how they do things in New York. Hey, Jack, I don't suppose I could spend the night in the loft? I'd spring for a hotel, but I might be getting sued. Oh sure, why not? Besides it wouldn't feel right if you weren't moochin' somethin' from me. [Chuckles] [Car rumbles loudly] Ty: So, this is it! Ty: So hold on, she said yes to you and you live in this thing? Ty: Well, not at first, but eventually I wore her down. [Chuckles] That's huge, buddy. I can't believe you're gettin' married. Congratulations, man. Ty: Thanks. So you'll be in the trailer. I'm gonna be sleeping out here on the couch. Joe: No, no, no, no. I'll take the couch. Ty: Are you sure? Joe: Yeah. Ty: It gets pretty cold out here at night. Joe: No, no, no, I've had enough cramped sleeping quarters for one lifetime. Sleeping outside feels like freedom. Ty: All right. You want a beer? Joe: Sounds good to me. Ty: Comin' up. [Cell phone buzzes] [Engine rumbles and cuts out] Lou: Okay, thank you. So apparently a truck hit a power line down the road and they're not gonna be able to fix it till the morning. Nicole: You're kidding. Lou: How's it going with the generator, grandpa? Jack: Well, I've got good news and bad news. This thing is shot. It's unfixable. So what's the good news? Jack: Well, the good news is this time of year, the sun's up at 5 A.M. It doesn't set till near 11 P.M. Who needs electricity? Pampered guests from the city, that's who. Ah. Ty: [Truck doors open] Ah, all right. [Truck doors slam shut] Hey, Amy. You remember Joe? Oh, yeah. Hi. Don't look so surprised to see me, Amy. You're the reason I'm not in prison anymore. I am? I was ready to quit that mustang gentling program, but, uh, you got me to stick with it. It looked great at my parole hearing. Well, that's good. Ty: Joe's gonna stay with me for a few days. He's just on his way up to winnipeg to see his girlfriend and their son. Oh, that's right. I think Ty told me you had a son. Yeah, Noah. Cool. Do you have any pictures of him? Yeah, you know what? I just got this new phone and I haven't transferred the photos over yet. I'm terrible with technology, you know. Uh, Amy, do you think Joe could stay for dinner? It would be great for him to meet everybody, you know? Yeah, I guess so. I'll tell Lou to set another place. That's very sweet of you, thanks. [Door opens and closes] Hey. Hey. Sweetie, what's all this? Oh, yeah, Georgie wasn't really feeling the diorama so we came up with something new. Oh. Yeah. We are gonna power an I.E.D. Light with a potato. It's so cool. Georgie's totally into it. Uh-huh. Yeah, I really think that we should just stick... [Clears throat] With the prehistoric diorama. Dah, dah, dah, don't-! Because it's a surefire winner. Okay, you know what? So is the potato battery, okay? And I'm sorry, I didn't wanna steal your thunder earlier, honey, but I too won a ribbon at a grade 5 science fair, okay, but mine was for first. Really. Yeah. I don't like to brag, but my potato battery got me all the way to the provincial finals. Lou: Oh, okay, so you're saying you peaked in grade five? Peter: [Chuckles] that's very funny. You know what? This is Georgie's homework assignment, so she should be the one to decide which project to submit. Yeah. Hey, sure, absolutely. But I gotta tell ya, Georgie loves the potato battery idea. Yeah, we'll see about that. [Chuckles] Oh, yeah, we will. Can you move your workstation over there, please, so I can finish up here? Oh yeah, there it is. That's the problem right there. Nicole: We're working on it. Thank you. Sorry. Caleb: Hey, Nicole, I was thinking that maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Nicole: Not now. [Door bangs open, trunk slams shut] Hi. Mrs. foster: We're leaving. Mrs. foster, I think you should really reconsider. I mean, spending the night without electricity could be... romantic. You know, I've got vanilla-scented candles! [Car door slams shut, car starts up] A-hem. Couldn't help but overhearing your predicament. What predicament? What predicament? I've got everything under control here! Okay. It's just, you know, I was thinkin', I have a friend that owes me a favor. He's got a generator just sittin' in his shed. Yeah, you got everything under control. Wait, wait. Jack: I could use a hand getting this table set. Georgie: Yeah, I'll be there in a sec. Hey, I noticed you haven't been helping out much on that science project. You can't let your parents do all the work for ya. Well, I never wanted to do the diorama or the potato battery. Well, why didn't you say something? Peter and Lou just seemed so into it. I don't want to hurt their feelings. Maybe you could talk to them? Oh, no, you gotta speak for yourself. Now, come on, let's get that table set. Georgie: [Sighs heavily] [Generator whirs loudly] The hollier's DVD player is plugged in, all the fans are runnin', everyone's happy as a clam. Nicole: Yeah, you know, thank you. I appreciate it. It's loud, but, uh, yeah. But I hope you don't think that this puts you off the hook for the packhorse. No, but, uh, you know, it helps you out. I figured the least could do is call off your lawyers. And miss the chance to watch you squirm in your boots? I don't think so. Georgie: Is it true that prisoners make license plates in jail? Lou: Georgie... Joe: [Chuckling] No, no, no, it's okay. Um, yeah, there were a lot of guys who worked in the metal shop, but me, I was more into horses. Really? Joe: Yeah, wild mustangs. I spent most of my days, uh, you know, in a round pen trying to gentle them. So you got to work with horses everyday? Joe: Yeah, that's right, pretty much. Jail sounds awesome! Joe: [Chuckles] Jack: I don't think Joe would say it's awesome, would you, Joe? No. No, you know, it's definitely a place I don't ever want to go back to, so... Stay in school, kid. Jack: Ty says you're goin' to winnipeg, you're gonna move there. Yeah, that's right. Oh, he's got a kid there. Noah. Oh, that's nice. How old is he? He's two. Really? Two? Yeah, I mean they grow up really fast. [Baby starts crying] Terrible two's. We know all about that. I got it, I got it. Ty, I'm gonna run out and check on Archie. Do you want to give me a hand? Jack: Yeah, you guys go. Joe and I, we'll... We'll clean up here. Good luck with that. Joe: Yeah. Amy: Have you asked Joe why he's here? Ty: Yeah, he's on his way to see his kid. Amy: Right. The kid he doesn't have any pictures of. Ty: That doesn't mean anything. Amy: Maybe not, but didn't he tell you he had a son at the prison ranch? Uh, yeah, I guess. Well, that was over three years ago. Ty: So? Amy: So, how can he only be two?! I don't know, Amy. Everyone was asking him a lot of questions, maybe he got confused. Look... I know Joe's a little messed up or whatever, but he was my friend when there was no one else there for me, okay? So I'm not gonna turn my back on him. I'm not saying you should. I'm just saying that there's something... I don't know, a little off about him that's all. Okay, okay, I'll talk to him, all right? There's nothing to worry about. Joe: I had a great time having dinner with you guys. Thanks. Jack: Any friend of Ty's. You know, back in my rodeo days, I knew a guy who got into some trouble like you. Joe: Okay. Jack: Served a few years before he got out on parole. Yeah, okay. Yeah, they used to make him check in with his parole officer once a week. So that meant that leaving the province wasn't an option. [Snorts] I've got special dispensation 'cause of my kid, right? Right, yeah. Well, I think we're about done here. Thanks for your help. Yeah, don't mention it. You know... Ty, he's worked real hard to earn his place here, and uh... I'd hate to see anything... Or anyone get in the way of that. Ready to go? Yeah. Um, yeah, I'm ready to go. Let's go. Joe: Ty, we're gonna do this. You gotta stop fighting me. Caleb: Hey, guys! Ty: Caleb, how are you, man? I heard you were in town. This is my friend, Joe. We go way back. Caleb: Hey, nice to meet ya. Joe: How are you doin', buddy? Caleb: I'm doing well. So what are you boys up to tonight? Joe: Well, I'm trying to convince Ty here that we should go down to the local watering hole. Joe: Are you in? Caleb: Absolutely. Ty: Hey, guys, I... I gotta work early tomorrow. Come on. Joe: There's no way that I am letting you worm out of having fun tonight. Caleb: Yeah, come on, Ty. You're not an old married man yet, right? Joe: See? I like this guy. You need to listen to him, all right? Because you gotta live while you still can, my friend. Ty: One drink, okay? Caleb: Excellent. I'll meet you boys there. Joe: Let's go before he changes his mind. Ty: One drink. Joe: Let's do this. Joe, Ty and Caleb: [Shot glasses clink, laughing] Ty: Cheers, guys. [Bar band plays loudly, customers chatter] Caleb: Okay, next rounds on me. Ty: No, I got this. Caleb: You sure? Ty: Yeah. Ty: Besides you always come back with these girlie drinks. Caleb: So how do you know Ty? How do I know Ty? I know Ty... Well, I met him when, uh, he was just a skinny little punk. He used to pull all kinds of stuff back then. I hardly recognize him now. Yeah, well, I guess we all gotta grow up sometime, right? Yeah, I guess. All right, I'm gonna go outside and try to bum a smoke. You wanna come? No, I'm good. [SCENE_BREAK] [Bar band plays loudly, customers chatter] There we go. So is your friend some kind of klepto? A what? I just saw him take some money off the table over there. Are you kidding? Mmm-mmm. Saw it with my own eyes. [Bar band plays, customers chatter] Hey, what's going on? Joe's had a bit of a rough go. Sometimes he pulls stuff. It's not a big deal. Why is it your job to bail him out? Because he's my friend. He's trying to get his life back together, all right? Could have fooled me. You don't know him like I do. What good is bailing him out gonna do him? Would you just spare me the lecture, Caleb? Joe and I go way back. I don't expect you to understand this. All right, well then why don't you try to explain it? Just drop it, Caleb! No, I'm not gonna drop it! The guy's stealing and you're making it out to be noth- I covered the bill, man! What the hell's going on?! Caleb, get off my back about this, all right?! All right, you know what? Just relax. If I'm buggin' you so much then I'll just leave. Good. Caleb: Yeah, there's other bars in town. Joe: Where are you goin'? [Chuckles] What's his problem, eh? Ty: I don't know. You okay? Yeah. Cheers. Cheers, buddy. Amy: Morning. [Groans] Can I ask you something? Yeah, sure. What's the deal with Ty and his buddy Joe? What do you mean? Well, I was having drinks with them last night, and, uh, you know, I'll tell you something, Joe's a real piece of work, but Ty kept defending him like he's some kind of Saint. Ty kind of has a blindspot when it comes to Joe. Why? Awhile back, they got into some trouble. Joe took all the blame and ended up back in juvie and Ty was placed here. So now Ty's eternally grateful. Pretty much, yeah. Well, you know what they say. With friends like that... [Sighs] Joe: Goin' to work? Ty: Yeah, there's some coffee inside if you want it. [Yawning] Thanks. Hey, Joe? Yeah? Did you take some money off one of the tables at the bar last night? What? You heard me. Look, it was stupid. Come on, man, do you want to go back to jail? No! I'm just... Strapped for cash right now. That's no excuse. Yeah, you know, you're right, you're right. It's just uh... When I go out to winnipeg, there's gonna be expenses. You know, kids aren't cheap. You'll find that out one day. I just need some cash until I can get a job, you know? In fact, Ty, you know, I hate to ask, but um... If you could help me out, I'd sure appreciate it. What do you need? Five grand. You'll get it back, you know that, as soon as I'm on my feet. I don't have that kind of money. It's a lot, I know. I just figured, you know, since I helped you out in the past a few times, that uh... Forget it though, don't worry about it. It's fine. Let me see what I can do. Are you sure? Yeah. I'm not promising anything, but I'll... I'll try. You're a good friend, buddy. Amy: Yeah, so far Archie seems to be the perfect packhorse. Jack: Maybe he just needed some time to settle in. Amy: Yeah. Jack: So that was an interesting dinner last night. Amy: You can say that again. You know, I'm trying to keep an open mind, but there's something about Joe that... Ah, I don't know. Jack: I'm listenin'. Amy: You know, maybe I'm blowing this way out of proportion, but something about his story just didn't add up. Jack: I agree. Amy: Really? Jack: I think that guy's playing pretty fast and loose with the truth. Amy: And it's like Ty doesn't see it or chooses not to. I just don't know what to do. Jack: You talk to him about it? What'd he say? Amy: Yeah, he got all defensive, so I just sort of left it at that. Jack: I think you oughta try again. You've got good instincts about people, Amy. If you've got something to say to the man you're gonna marry, I think you better say it. [Clicks his teeth, horse nickers] [Electrical sparks] Oh, yup! It's working. It works. [Nervous chuckles, clears his throat] So you see, uh, Georgie, how this works, is more potatoes means more phosphoric acid, which in turns means more electricity, right? Now that is science, huh?! You know what else is science? The Jurassic period. Now this is just an example of what your diorama could look like should you choose to make one for yourself. I didn't have time to rig up the flying pterodactyls, but you get the idea. Peter: You know what one of the coolest thing about this potato battery is, Georgie? Is that it's an atomic phenomenon that's measurable on your kitchen table. [Patient grunt] You know what's cool about this prehistoric diorama? This! [Bubbling and fizzing] Right?! What do you think? I think you're both nuts. What? Georgie! Look, I know you both spent a lot of time on all this, but both of these projects are totally lame, and I wanna do my own thing. Peter: Uh, okay, sure. I mean, of course! That's-that's totally fine, but your can't do the ufo thing, honey, because it's just- it's not a science project. Fine! I'll do something else, but I'm doing it on my own. Okay. This is your fault. [Safety goggles clatter] I think it's just getting brighter, isn't it? [Truck door slams shut] Ty: Hey. Amy: Hey. Ty: I got your message. Is everything all right? Amy: Yeah, I just... I wanted to talk to you about something. Ty: Well, I wanted to talk to you about something too. Amy: Okay. You go first. Well, you know how Joe's trying to make a fresh start with his family? Yeah. Ty: Well, he's struggling a bit financially and I want to help him out, but I'm a little strapped for cash, so I was thinking about asking Lou for a loan. A loan? Are you serious? Yeah. It would really help if you could back me up on this. [Sighs] Ty... I respect that you have history with Joe, I do, but lending him money, that's a really bad idea. Don't do it. Why? I don't know how else to say this, but... I think Joe's using you. He knows you're the guy who will always bail him out, every time, no matter what. Amy, I'm helping my friend out. I owe him that. No, you don't! Okay, just forget the loan, okay? You don't understand this. Ty, listen to me! Joe made his own choices, okay?! He's responsible for them! Don't walk away from me! You need to hear this! You don't owe Joe anything! Yes, I do! Why? I told you before. He's the reason I got outta juvie. He's the reason I didn't go back to that life. No, no, you did that. You changed your life because you worked hard and because you're strong and decent, not because of Joe. You don't understand, Amy. You don't understand. [Truck rumbles, meat sizzles on the grill] You like your steak rare, buddy? Ty: Yeah, that's fine. Joe: Good. 'Cause mine's gonna be rare. I'm ready. All right, all right, all right. Listen, Joe, uh... I'm not gonna be able to front you that money. That sucks, Ty. I was really hoping you could help me out. Sorry, man. But, hey, you're gonna be with your son, right? That's the important thing. The money will work itself out, you'll see. Yeah. Ty: So Noah's two, right? Yeah, that's right. You, uh, you told me about him at the prison ranch. Did I? That was three years ago. So? Well, he's gotta be older than two now. I know how old my son is. All right, he just turned three a few days ago. I got mixed up. Yeah, sorry, I... I didn't mean anything by it. I was just curious, you know? [Car rumbles outside] [Car rumbles loudly] [Whispers] Joe. [Keys jingle] [Lock clicks, keys jingle] [Sighs heavily] Ty: Well, this is low, even for you. What do you get for morphine on the streets these days? Fifty bucks a pop? Look, I didn't want to do this, Ty, I just... I'm in trouble. I borrowed some money from the wrong guys, all right? So the story about your son was a lie? It wasn't a lie. I tried, I tried to find him. By the time I got out of jail, Noah and his mom were gone. They didn't want to be found. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, thanks. A lot of good that does me. Look, I need to pay these guys back their money, so how about you do me a favour and just let me sell 'em, all right? [Hand slams down] I can't do that. [Angry sigh] I can't do that. Ty, uh, do you remember the night we broke into the brewery? They arrested me, they didn't arrest you. I coulda turned you in, but I didn't. I protected you. Do you remember that? Yeah, I remember that. Good. Because they threw me in juvie afterwards and it was all downhill for me. You, you went on to heartland. There was nothing but sunshine and rainbows for you, so how about you show me a little bit of gratitude and you just help me out, okay? I tried to help you out, Joe, I did. I did whatever I could, but it's never enough. I thought you were my friend. I am your friend, Joe! I thought you were my friend, come on! That's why I might not call the cops, but you have to leave now don't say that. Don't talk about the cops, Ty. Yo, okay? Don't do that, please. Don't toss me aside like I'm some stranger, all right? I don't even know you anymore. [Violent shove] Joe and Ty: [Breathe heavily] Okay. Okay. Okay, Joe. Joe, look at me. [Ragged breathing] This isn't you, okay? You're better than this. [Gasps] [Breathes hard] [Knife clatters on the floor] Sorry. [Relieved breaths] [Rooster crows, birds chirp] [Archie's hooves thump, he snorts] Amy: Here. Caleb: Hey, Nicole can threaten me with as many lawsuits as she wants. There's nothing wrong with that horse. Georgie: Hey, Amy, whatcha doing?! [Archie snorts, whinnies shrilly] Amy: Whoa! Watch it! Caleb: Amy! Georgie, go back to the house, okay? Georgie: Why? Amy: Please, just go! Georgie: Okay. A:: Caleb, where did you get that horse from before you sold it to Lou? Caleb: Ah, a family in okotoks. Amy: Did they have any kids? Yeah, they had a whole litter - six of them, all under the age of ten. Bunch of little terrors. Amy: See, it wasn't the pony that spooked Archie at the dude ranch, it was the kid riding the pony. Caleb: Well, if that's true, then we best keep Georgie as far away as possible from Archie. Amy: Naw, I think, actually, she can probably help. [Sighs] Peter: Honey. Lou: Oh, um, Georgie, we wanted to talk to you about the science project. We might have gotten a little bit... Overly invested yesterday. Peter: So from now on, we promise we will not interfere. Yeah, but we're around if you need help, but only if you want it. Of course. Well, actually, there is something you can help me with. Can I have those strawberries? Lou: Uh, yeah, but they're going bad. I was just gonna make jam out of them. I know. That's why I want them. Sure. [Truck rumbles] Peace offering? No of fence, Ty, but if Joe is still here, I don't think I'll be stickin' around for a beer. He took off. I don't think I'm gonna be seeing him anytime soon. Listen, Caleb, uh... The reason I wanted you to come here is 'cause I wanted to ask you something. When Amy and I get married, I'm gonna need a best man and I can only think of one guy for the job. You're talkin' about me, right? Ty: Well, yeah, I'm talkin' about you. What do you say? Caleb: I say thanks. Is that a yes? Hell yeah, that's a yes! [Laughs] Of course! Ty and Caleb: [Laugh] Ty: All right! Georgie: When sugar is added to strawberries, it draws the water out of the fruit. The water molecules bind with the sugar molecules leaving no room for bacteria to grow. These strawberries are decomposing, but by adding sugar and allowing the molecular reaction to occur, the fruit is preserved. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the science of jam. Everyone: [Claps] Wow! So what'd you think? I think you nailed it. So can I go help Amy now? Of course. Georgie: Thanks! Well, it looks like Georgie really stepped up to the plate all on her own. Okay, grandpa, we get it. Your hearts were in the right place, and that's why I've got a surprise for ya. Follow me. Lou: Okay. Come on, honey. Jack: I thought since you both worked so hard you deserved a little recognition. Now I know they don't say "science fair" on 'em... Lou: Okay, grandpa, you made your point. Peter: Hey, at least we both tied for first place. Jack: No, no, red ribbon is for winner. Blue is for participation. Good effort though. Lou: [Amused chuckle] Peter: A-ha. [Door opens] Caleb: Now that Amy's figured out what's wrong with Archie, she should have him fixed in no time, so I am ready to accept your apology whenever you're willing to give it. Oh, you sold Lou a horse that's afraid of kids. I think you should be the one who's apologizing. Caleb: Okay, well, how about we call a truce? Perhaps be could discuss it over lunch. Nicole: I don't think so. Caleb: Friendly coffee? Nicole: Yeah, I don't think it's gonna happen. Caleb: Okay, well then, the next time I see you we can just go ahead and pretend we don't know each other. Sounds good to me. Right. Of course. [Dishes clatter] [Door slams shut] Okay. Amy: All right, Georgie, let's give this a try. [Archie snorts nervously] Oh easy, boy, easy. Georgie: Why is he so afraid of me? Amy: It's not you he's afraid of. See, the kids from his previous home were probably pretty rough on him. So now he thinks all kids are gonna treat him badly. We have to show him that not every kid is like that, okay? Why don't you grab a handful of oats? [Oats clatter] Go ahead. [Truck rumbles up] [Archie snorts] Now that's definitely progress. Ty: Hey, Amy, you got a sec? You go ahead. I'll keep an eye on things here. Okay. None of us want to argue but all of us wanna be right Ty: Amy... I shouldn't have walked away from you. But none of us wanna die I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that about Joe. No, you were right about him, you were. But you were wrong about something else. I didn't turn my life around on my own. I had you. And you know what else? What? I can't wait to marry you.

When an old friend turns to him for help, Ty is torn between his ties to the past and his loyalties to his family at Heartland. Caleb returns and so does Nicole, Lou's friend. Ty asks Caleb to be his best man.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_01x16

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_01x16_0

1. THE OASIS (TEGANA rides towards the oasis, and thirstily drinks the water. He fills a water gourd and triumphantly holds it to the sky.) TEGANA: Here's water Marco Polo. (Tegana pours the water into the sand.) TEGANA: Come for it... [SCENE_BREAK] 2. MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL POLO: (Writing in journal.) What has happened to Tegana? Is he lost? Perhaps he never found the oasis. But in the hope he did, I inched our caravan forward through the night. What misery. A bitterly cold wind swept down from the north and set us shivering as we stumbled on. I fear the end is not far off. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. CAMP, GOBI DESERT (Barbara and Ian are resting with Polo and Ping-Cho. All lie slumped in the shade of the wagon.) POLO: (Looking out into the desert.) No sign of Tegana. IAN: Nothing but sand... POLO: Tegana is our only hope now. BARBARA: Surely, he should be back by now. POLO: He would not start back from the oasis in the dark, for fear of missing us. PING-CHO: Then we must get going. POLO: Yes... (But Polo is too tired to move. IAN continues to stare hopefully into the surrounding desert.) IAN: Hot again soon Marco. Hadn't we better get started? POLO: We would not get very far, Ian. No, we must wait here. BARBARA: The Doctor and Susan are still in the TARDIS. IAN: Oh, let them sleep Barbara. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. INTERIOR - THE TARDIS (In the TARDIS, the Doctor is sleeping. He is gradually woken by droplets of water splashing on his face.) DOCTOR: Oh... water... water... water!... (Realising there is condensation covering the TARDIS walls, the DOCTOR quickly jumps out of his bunk. He rushes over to the other bunk, and attempts to wake SUSAN.) DOCTOR: Susan, Susan, child. Susan, wake up. Wake up, quickly! (Susan slowly wakes up.) DOCTOR: Fetch some cloth and cups. (SUSAN mumbles incoherently.) DOCTOR: We must catch the water... we mustn't waste a drop! Come along, child, wake up, quickly! Look at it... it's streaming down the walls. Look, we must collect it. It's water! We must... quickly... quickly... before the ship heats up in the sun... hurry child... hurry please... (During the next few minutes, the Doctor and Susan frantically sponge all the water from the TARDIS walls.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. CAMP, GOBI DESERT (Outside, the others are preparing to leave.) IAN: Not a sign of him... (The DOCTOR and SUSAN suddenly emerge from the TARDIS, each carrying a jug of water.) SUSAN: (Rushing forward.) Water! Look! Water! DOCTOR: Please wait - we must be careful. POLO: This is in your caravan? DOCTOR: Yes, but it's not pure water you see... POLO: (Furiously.) You told me you weren't carrying any Doctor! DOCTOR: I haven't got any water, don't you understand. I wouldn't allow us to get into this state if I had water, young man. No this was the water that was running off the walls. It's condensation, it's unbelievable! Condensation, do you understand? POLO: No, I do not understand! DOCTOR: Chesterton, make him understand! It was condensation off the walls and I... POLO: (Furious.) The old man lied to me! (IAN and SUSAN both try to calm POLO down.) IAN: Marco, you remember, last night it was cold. Bitterly cold, Marco. The outside of the caravan cooled, but the inside stayed warm - and so moisture formed on the inside. It's condensation, we just call it that... it's just a name. SUSAN: That's true, Messr Marco. It was running down the walls, and from the ceiling. We... we took it in this... (Indicating the cloth.) ...look, we squeezed it in here. (Indicating the cup.) you see? DOCTOR: You understand now? Hmm? POLO: (Suspiciously.) I have seen this happen. Let me see you drink it. (IAN gladly accepts the offer, and swallows a mouth of water.) DOCTOR: Not too much... steady... [SCENE_BREAK] 6. THE OASIS (Therefore, refreshed, the caravan makes its way to the oasis while the travellers are reunited with a surprised TEGANA.) TEGANA: There were bandits here last night when I arrived. So I had to wait in hiding until this morning when they left. And then, when I prepared to leave for you, I saw your caravan coming across the desert towards me. POLO: Had the Doctor not discovered water, you might have been too late to save us, Tegana. BARBARA: And are those bandits likely to return? TEGANA: No, no, I overheard them saying they were going to ride for Karakorum. BARBARA: Karakorum? That used to be to the north, on the great steppes. POLO: It still is, Barbara. Well, the sooner we leave here the better... BARBARA: But Marco... POLO: This oasis is dangerous, Barbara. We must leave here as soon as possible. BARBARA: Marco, we're all in need of rest, and the Doctor is still very weak. POLO: We will stay here until tomorrow morning - no longer. Please tell the others. (BARBARA walks off to join the DOCTOR, IAN and SUSAN next to the oasis. TEGANA is left alone with Polo. He begins to chuckle.) POLO: What amuses you? TEGANA: You don't really believe their story, do you, of water forming inside a caravan? POLO: Yes. I know it to be true. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. OASIS (Meanwhile, by the oasis, the DOCTOR is discussing the broken TARDIS circuit with the rest of the crew.) DOCTOR: I think I can repair the circuit in a week, maybe less. BARBARA: We're leaving here tomorrow. DOCTOR: Oh, we're always rushing around... a day's rest would do us all a lot of good... BARBARA: Marco's worried about bandits. DOCTOR: Oh, rubbish! BARBARA: Tegana said there were some here last night. Well if they were, they were very clean about it. IAN: What do you mean? BARBARA: Look, last night was very cold. But there's no sign of a fire having been lit. IAN: Well, perhaps they didn't want anyone to know they'd been here. BARBARA: Yes, that may be. But I think Tegana just used the bandits as an excuse for not coming back to us with water. IAN: Maybe. Well, the thing to do is to ask Tegana. TEGANA: (Arriving on the scene.) Ask Tegana what? IAN: How many bandits were there here last night? TEGANA: Twelve. IAN: It was a cold night. Didn't they light a fire? (POLO also joins the group.) POLO: (Lightly dismissing the topic.) If they had, Ian, the remains would still be visible. Doctor? DOCTOR: Well? POLO: Barbara may have told you that we're leaving here tomorrow, so get all the rest you can today. You may use your caravan again, but before we leave in the morning, it will be locked, and the key handed over to me. DOCTOR: Young man, you have no concept of what is happening, have you? And you still don't seem to realise that you're speaking to a man of superior intellect. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL POLO: (Writing in journal.) My conscience pricks me. I was adamant, despite the Doctor's protests, that the key and his caravan should be handed over to me. Now we journey on across this burning desert and I shall not rest until I see the temple spires of the city of Tun-Huang. [SCENE_BREAK] 9. WAY STATION, AT TUN-HUANG (The caravan has arrived at the bustling way station of Tun-Huang. This way station is even more extravagant than the one at Lop. BARBARA, SUSAN and PING-CHO are amazed by the view of the city from the inn.) SUSAN: I've never seen so many temples in my life! PING-CHO: Tun-Huang is a famous city, Susan. SUSAN: Yes... BARBARA: Isn't the cave of the thousand Buddhas near here? SUSAN: Thousand Buddhas? (POLO joins the group.) POLO: Yes. Have you heard of the cave of the five hundred eyes? BARBARA: No, I haven't. PING-CHO: I do not know that one either, Messr Marco. BARBARA: I'm intrigued by this cave, Marco. Why is it called five hundred eyes? POLO: On the walls are painted the faces of two hundred and fifty evil men who once lived there. They were the Hashashins. SUSAN: Hashashins? POLO: Yes, and they were so called because they used a drug - hashish. SUSAN: Are there still Hashashins in the cave? POLO: No, Susan. They were put to the sword twenty years ago by a great Mongol conqueror called Hulagu. PING-CHO: There is a story of Hulagu and the Hashashins. SUSAN: Oh, tell it to us, Ping-Cho. PING-CHO: Later, if you wish. SUSAN: Why not now? PING-CHO: It needs preparation. (PING-CHO walks off to prepare for the presentation) SUSAN: Oh... [SCENE_BREAK] 10. WAY STATION (In another corner of the way station, the DOCTOR and IAN are talking.) DOCTOR: It seems we shall be stopping here for a while - it means I can get on with more work. IAN: (Looks at the DOCTOR in puzzlement.) Huh? DOCTOR: Oh, repairing the circuit, young man... IAN: Aren't you forgetting something, Doctor? DOCTOR: Don't you realise they will be much less vigilant? I shall be able to sneak into the TARDIS, no worry at all! IAN: Yes, but you've given Marco Polo the key. DOCTOR: A key, my boy. A key. What use do you think it's going to be to him? Hmmm? And where do you suppose I got that from? Huh? (The DOCTOR triumphantly holds up a second TARDIS key.) IAN: (Laughing.) I have no idea. DOCTOR: I made it. IAN: Made it? When? DOCTOR: On the night of the oasis. Only chance I had - she knows all about it, don't you Susan? SUSAN: (Wandering over.) Yes! IAN: (Laughing.) You crafty old fox! (The DOCTOR and SUSAN chuckle along with IAN.) SUSAN: Grandfather. DOCTOR: Yes? SUSAN: What do you know about the Hashashins? DOCTOR: Well... now, let me think... let me think... yes, they were some kind of sect. Why? SUSAN: Well, Ping-Cho knows a story and she's going to tell us about it. DOCTOR: Oh, how delightful! Yes... yes... why not? [SCENE_BREAK] 11. WAY STATION (The DOCTOR and SUSAN sit down for the presentation. BARBARA moves closer to IAN.) BARBARA: Ian, Ian, I must talk to you. IAN: What is it? BARBARA: It's about Tegana. I caught him off-guard. IAN: Sssh! Later. Come and sit over here... BARBARA: (Preferring to stand up.) No, I'll be all right over here. (SUSAN walks over to one of the interior doors of the way station, and opens it.) SUSAN: (Calling out.) Ping-Cho... oh, Ping-Cho, are you ready? PING-CHO: (Calling back.) I am ready, Susan. SUSAN: Oh, good. (Everyone sits down in anticipation. There is a gentle round of applause as PING-CHO enters. She is lavishly dressed in a long blue silk robe, over which she wears a knee-length red jacket. She bows to the audience, and commences her recital...) PING-CHO: Gracious maidens, gentle lords Pray attend me while I tell my tale Of Ala-eddin, the Old Man of the Mountain Who by devious schemes, evil designs And foul murders ruled the land. No host of arms, no vast array Of banners served this wicked lord. They were but few - ruthless, reckless men Who obeyed his cruel commands. Thus did he persuade them Promising paradise, he gave his followers A potent draught and whilst they slept Transported them to a vale where Streams of milk and honey, wine and water, flowed. Here were gardens and flowers of every hue And essence. Here, too Golden pavilions outshone the sun And even the stars of heaven envied The bejewelled interiors strewn with incomparable silks, tapestries, And treasures. Hand-maidens, dulcet-voiced Soft of face, attended them, and thus bemused Did they dwell in this man-made paradise Until Ala-eddin intent upon some evil deed Proffered again the hashish draught And brought them sleeping to his castle. What lord, are we cast out of paradise Awakening, they cried. Not so, Go abroad, seek out my enemies And strike them down. But care not for your lives. Paradise is eternal. So terror stalked the land for many years. Then one day, came mighty Hulagu To stand before Ala-eddin's lair For three long years in siege And thus fell Ala-eddin and his men. Now honest hands reap harvests of life From the soil where death and evil Reigned. And those who journey Through the vale are heard to say Tis truly paradise today. (There is generous round of applause as Ping-Cho concludes the tale.) DOCTOR: That was really delightful... PING-CHO: Thank you - my Lord is kind. POLO: Thank you, Ping-Cho. IAN: Charming, Ping-Cho, charming. Susan, do you know that we use the word Hashashin in English today? SUSAN: No. IAN: Yes - assassins. SUSAN: Assassin! IAN: Yes. SUSAN: Ping-Cho, is the lair of Ala-eddin really near here? PING-CHO: No, Susan. It was on a mountain called Mount Alumet in Persia. SUSAN: Persia! But Messr Marco said that Hulagu killed the Hashashins near here. (At this point, TEGANA silently leaves the room. BARBARA, without anyone else noticing, follows Tegana.) POLO: So he did, Susan. Some of Ala-eddin's followers lived near here, in the cave of 500 eyes. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. CAVE OF FIVE HUNDRED EYES (TEGANA enters the Cave of Five Hundred Eyes. He peers into the darkness.) TEGANA: Malik? Malik? (An elderly man shuffles from out of the darkness, coughing and spluttering.) MALIK: Who calls my name? TEGANA: Tegana, the Mongol Warlord. MALIK: We have waited for you Tegana. TEGANA: You need wait no more, old man. What news from Noghai? MALIK: You shall hear it. You shall hear it. Come - follow me. (TEGANA follows MALIK into a secret chamber. A few seconds later, BARBARA enters the main part of the cave. She cautiously feels her way through the darkness.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. CAVE OF FIVE HUNDRED EYES - INNER CHAMBER (In the inner chamber of the cave, TEGANA is greeted by another warrior of Noghai, ACOMAT.) ACOMAT: Welcome. TEGANA: Acomat! What news from Noghai? ACOMAT: He has formed his army and marches now for Karakorum. TEGANA: Good. ACOMAT: Where he will await news of your success. TEGANA: I will not fail him. ACOMAT: You failed at Lop. You were to meet our courier on the third night in the desert. TEGANA: There was a sandstorm. ACOMAT: He did not return... MALIK: Before the courier left, he spoke of gifts to Noghai. TEGANA: Yes - a caravan that flies. (MALIK laughs.) TEGANA: It belongs to an old magician who accompanies us. Polo's taking it to the Kublai Khan. ACOMAT: With such a caravan, Noghai would be invincible. TEGANA: Yes, that is why you must capture it. You will attack our caravan as we're going to Shang-Tu. ACOMAT: It shall be done. TEGANA: And then, deliver it to Noghai. ACOMAT: And Polo, and those that go with him? What of them? Kill them? TEGANA: Of course... (MALIK suddenly reappears. He is in a flustered state.) MALIK: Did a woman accompany you here? TEGANA: No. MALIK: There is one in the outer cave now. (TEGANA is surprised. He draws his sword.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. CAVE OF FIVE HUNDRED EYES (BARBARA feels her way through the cave trying to discover where TEGANA has gone. She slowly makes her way down one of the passages... as TEGANA silently emerges from the inner chamber. He moves around behind BARBARA, and creeps towards her. Barbara screams as she is grabbed from behind.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. INTERIOR - WAY STATION (TEGANA has returned to the way station. BARBARA's disappearance has been noticed by the others. POLO is furious.) POLO: This is the most dangerous thing she could have done! What kind of country do you come from where a woman can wander alone through the streets at night? TEGANA: You will never find her alive in Tun-Huang. IAN: We won't find her sitting here. (IAN prepares to walk off, but Polo stops him.) POLO: Wait, Ian. We will search together. The city is divided into distinct areas. Tegana, you will take one, we will take another. We will meet back here in two hours' time. IAN: Well, let's get started. DOCTOR: Do you need my help? POLO: No, Doctor, you stay here. And nobody else move. (POLO, IAN and TEGANA walk off to search for BARBARA. The DOCTOR places a comforting arm around SUSAN.) DOCTOR: Don't worry, child. We'll find her. Don't worry. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. CAVE OF FIVE HUNDRED EYES - INNER CHAMBER (BARBARA has been tied up in the inner chamber of the Cave of Five Hundred Eyes. Nearby, a group of Mongol warriors taunt her as they play dice.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. COURTYARD - WAY STATION (Back at the way station, the DOCTOR has realised this is the perfect opportunity to work on the TARDIS. As he emerges from the TARDIS and locks the door, SUSAN and PING-CHO appear.) SUSAN: Grandfather... grandfather... (The Doctor peers suspiciously at PING-CHO.) SUSAN: Don't worry about Ping-Cho, you can trust her. DOCTOR: (Reluctantly.) Well, it looks as though I must, doesn't it? What is it, hmm? SUSAN: We think we might know where Barbara is. DOCTOR: Oh, where? PING-CHO: Messr Marco was telling us about the Cave of Five Hundred Eyes. SUSAN: Yes, and Barbara was very interested. So we thought she might have gone off and had a look without asking anybody, because Messr Marco might have tried to stop her. DOCTOR: Do you know where this Cave of Five Hundred Eyes is? PING-CHO: I do not know my lord. But Chenchu would know. (The DOCTOR notices that CHENCHU, the manager of the way station, is cleaning one of the tables nearby. The DOCTOR beckons him over.) DOCTOR: Aha, my friend! And how long have you been lurking there? Hmmm? CHENCHU: I arrived this very moment my lord. DOCTOR: Where is the Cave of Five Hundred Eyes? CHENCHU: The Cave of Five Hundred... DOCTOR: Yes. Where is it? CHENCHU: On the road to Su-Chow my Lord. Set back against the foothills. DOCTOR: Well, how far is it from here? CHENCHU: About a third of a league, my lord. DOCTOR: A mile, a mile, yes... (The DOCTOR turns to SUSAN and PING-CHO.) DOCTOR: Now you two go back in there and wait... go along... go along... go along... CHENCHU: My lord is going there now? At this time of night? But it is haunted, my lord, the spirits of the Hashashins... you should not go, my lord. (The DOCTOR laughs.) SUSAN: You mustn't go there alone, grandfather. And anyway, we must stay with you. PING-CHO: Messr Marco will be angry - he told us to stay here. DOCTOR: Never mind about him. Which road? CHENCHU: The road to Su-Chow... SUSAN: Grandfather, you'll never find it on your own. Come on! DOCTOR: Yes all right, if you insist! Then come along, both of you, quickly! (The DOCTOR, SUSAN and PING-CHO rush out of the inn. CHENCHU yells out a parting message.) CHENCHU: Do not go my lord! Not at night! You will not come back alive! (But CHENCHU's warning has no effect. The DOCTOR, SUSAN and PING-CHO have already left.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18. CAVE OF FIVE HUNDRED EYES (The DOCTOR, SUSAN and PING-CHO enter the Cave of Five Hundred Eyes.) PING-CHO: Frightening. SUSAN: Look at those eyes. PING-CHO: I'd prefer not to, Susan. (The DOCTOR examines the 'eyes' on the wall of the cave.) DOCTOR: (Laughing.) Extraordinary! Look! Yes, it's quartz... ha, ha... yes... a mineral ore... Look, you see the veins going through the rock structure. And look how cleverly that face is carved so that at the eye, the quartz is exposed. Now, isn't that interesting, hmm? SUSAN: Grandfather, we're supposed to be looking for Barbara. DOCTOR: Hmm? Barbara? Oh yes, of course. Yes, yes, we mustn't waste time! No... come on... (The search commences.) DOCTOR: (Grinning mischievously.) Now, let's see if we can find the spirits... [SCENE_BREAK] 19. INTERIOR - WAY STATION (TEGANA has returned to the way station. He strides up to CHENCHU.) CHENCHU: My lord? TEGANA: Oh, it's you. CHENCHU: He's gone my lord. TEGANA: Gone? CHENCHU: The old lord has gone. After you had gone, the young ladies approached me - they were looking for him. TEGANA: Well... wasn't he in his room? CHENCHU: Not so my lord. He was out there. (Pointing to the TARDIS in the courtyard.) That's where they found him. That's why I came and told you, my lord. But he forced me to tell him the way to the cave. TEGANA: (Angrily.) What cave? CHENCHU: He forced me, my lord. He forced me... TEGANA: (Even more forcefully.) What cave?! CHENCHU: The Cave of Five Hundred Eyes. TEGANA: You fool... (TEGANA angrily pushes CHENCHU away.) CHENCHU: He forced me... [SCENE_BREAK] 20. CAVE OF FIVE HUNDRED EYES DOCTOR: A fool's errand, it's a fool's errand, child. That's what you've brought me on. And I had so much work to do in the TARDIS. Now, come along, we mustn't waste any more time here... (The group walks towards the exit of the cave.) DOCTOR: Barbara's probably in bed and asleep by now. If you had any sense, where both of you should be! (PING-CHO finds and picks up a handkerchief from the ground.) PING-CHO: My lord, look. DOCTOR: Hmmm? SUSAN: That's Barbara's! She must have been here. (SUSAN and PING-CHO begin calling BARBARA's name.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. CAVE OF FIVE HUNDRED EYES - INNER CHAMBER (The yelling is heard by the warriors in the inner chamber.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22. CAVE OF FIVE HUNDRED EYES (SUSAN and PING-CHO continue yelling BARBARA's name. SUSAN screams - pointing to the cave wall.) SUSAN: They moved... The eyes moved!

Missing episode Arriving in Central Asia in 1289, the Doctor and his companions join the caravan of the famous Venetian explorer Marco Polo as it makes its way from the snowy heights of the Pamir Plateau, across the treacherous Gobi Desert and through the heart of imperial Cathay. Having witnessed many incredible sights and survived a variety of dangers, they arrive at the mighty Kublai Khan's Summer Palace in Shang-tu, where the Doctor strikes up an extraordinary friendship with the now-aged ruler. They move on at last to the even more sumptuous Imperial Palace in Peking, where the travellers save the Khan from an assassination attempt by the Mongol warlord Tegana - supposedly on a peace mission - before departing once more in the TARDIS.

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[EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) -- DAY] PIPER: (v.o.) Yeah, no. I-I-I realize we haven't had a band in a couple of months, ... [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN -- DAY] (Piper is on the phone in the kitchen while Leo takes practice swings with the golf club.) PIPER: (to phone) ... but haven't you read the papers? I've been helping Homeland ... (The line disconnects. There's a dial tone. Piper pulls the phone away from her ear.) PIPER: ... Security. (She hangs up.) (mutters) It even sounds ridiculous to me. (Piper puts the phone down and turns around. Leo continues to take practice swings with the golf club.) PIPER: I don't get it. It's, you know, two lousy months, and suddenly I'm ice cold. LEO: Bands will be back. P-3's still the hottest club in town. PIPER: Oh, yeah? When? (Piper ducks as Leo swings.) PIPER: Hey. Watch it. LEO: Sorry. Listen, do you want me to talk to Smitty? I'm playing golf with him this afternoon. PIPER: No. I don't like that guy. He's slimy. LEO: Yeah, but he's got connections. He got you The Donnas. PIPER: Fine. Let him win. (Smiling, Leo leans forward and kisses Piper. He turns and heads out of the kitchen. Off screen, he passes Paige on her way in.) LEO: (o.s.) G'morning. PAIGE: (o.s.) Hi. (Paige enters the kitchen.) PAIGE: I didn't know Leo golfed. PIPER: Yeah, he does, but not very well. Don't tell him. Why are you so dressed up? (Paige takes a cup out of the cupboard.) PAIGE: Well, the Elders have assigned me a charge, a future Whitelighter. PIPER: Is that a good thing? PAIGE: Yeah. It is if he's cute. (Paige fills her cup with coffee. Phoebe rushes into the kitchen.) PHOEBE: Don't you ever answer call waiting? PIPER: Why? (Phoebe takes a cup from the cupboard.) PHOEBE: Well, Agent Murphy's been trying to get through. He's got a case for us. PAIGE: A case? What are we, Charlie's Witches? We don't work for him. PHOEBE: Apparently, he seems to think that we do, especially after reminding me over and over that he bailed us out of our little jam. PIPER: That's blackmail. PHOEBE: No, that's your taxpayer dollars at work. PAIGE: Yeah? Well, I can't. I have to go deal with a charge. PHOEBE: No, no, no, no, no. You're not dumping this in my lap, Missy. I am very busy, too. I have dates -- lots and lots of dates. PIPER: Are you trying to get pregnant again? PHOEBE: No. I'm trying to find love. So I don't have any more time than you guys do to go through cold cases. PAIGE: What do you mean cold cases? PHOEBE: Well, there are cases that Murphy seems to think have some supernatural angle to them, so he wants us to go through boxes to see if we can find anything. PIPER: How many boxes? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT./EXT. WAREHOUSE -- DAY] (The agent opens the warehouse door for Piper and Phoebe. Yes, warehouse. Inside are shelves and shelves and shelves of file boxes.) PIPER: You have got to be kidding me! FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WAREHOUSE -- DAY] (The Government Agent leads Piper and Phoebe into the warehouse.) AGENT: Agent Murphy says he wants you to start with these. They're rated para- 7 suspicion and higher. PIPER: Para-7? AGENT: Paranormal. (He picks up the box of latex gloves off the table and hands them to Piper.) AGENT: Don't forget to wear protective gloves. We don't want the evidence tainted. (He passes them and heads back to the door.) PHOEBE: Wait a minute. Where are you going? Hey, you can't just leave us here. (He closes the doors on them.) PIPER: This can't be legal. PHOEBE: Apparently it is. (Phoebe grabs a pair of gloves out of the box.) Let's just get this over with so we can find something. PIPER: You know, Agent Murphy can't make us do this on a weekly basis. It's boring. (She slams the box of gloves on the table. Phoebe puts the gloves she has on.) PHOEBE: Well, if he does, we'll just turn him into a frog or something. (Piper's phone rings. She reaches for it. Phoebe gives her a stern warning.) PHOEBE: Don't you answer that. (The phone rings again. Piper answers it.) PIPER: (to phone) Hello. Hey, how's it going? Of course I can make it. PHOEBE: Piper, no, you cannot. (Piper shrugs.) PIPER: (to phone) Okay. See you later. (She hangs up.) I got to go. It's Leo's music buddy. He's trying to get me a band. It's very, very important. PHOEBE: All right. PIPER: You should probably leave those off because you'll get a premonition easier without them. Okay? (Piper turns and smoothly heads for the door. Phoebe starts pulling off the gloves.) PIPER: Um, so I'll be back in a jiffy. (Piper opens the door and leaves.) PIPER: (squeaks) Okay. See you later. (She slams the door shut.) (Phoebe pulls the gloves and they snap off.) PHOEBE: Ow! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- DAY] (Zira walks into the great hall where Sollal is standing over a simmering cauldron.) ZIRA: I need more power. You said you'd find it for me by now. SOLLAL: I'm doing everything I can, Zira. I've got feelers out everywhere. ZIRA: I don't know how much longer I could take answering to that--that brute, let alone all the others. I'm getting restless. SOLLAL: And I said I'm working on it. (Tai, a large demon, shimmers into the Great Hall. Several other demons shimmer in behind him. Sollal immediately bows before him. Zira nods in respect.) TAI: Where's the potion? Why isn't it ready yet? ZIRA: It will be, Tai. I assure you. TAI: It better be, or I'll find a new sorceress. (With that, Tai and his demon followers leave the Great Hall.) ZIRA: I'll show him and his kind who's replaceable, even if I have to kill every last male demon to do it. It's time for females to rule. Especially this female. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS - HUMAN SEXUALITY CLASS -- DAY] (Billie is in a class lecture. On the whiteboard is a large picture of a yin/yang symbol.) PROFESSOR: The battle of the sexes is universal, going back to Adam and Eve. In fact, men and women are so different that you have to wonder how we get along at all. What stops us from killing each other? (The professor turns and points to the yin/yang symbol on the board.) PROFESSOR: The yin/yang theory explains it best. Yang: male is cold, hard, and unbending. Yin: female, warm, soft, and yielding. But ... notice the dots. A little bit of each in the other for balance. (Billie pops her gum.) PROFESSOR: Billie, have something to add? BILLIE JENKINS: No. (softer to the girl next to her) Nothing he'd wanna hear anyways. PROFESSOR: Try me. BILLIE JENKINS: I think this whole thing's just a little outdated. You know, it might used to have been more clear-cut, but now men are just wimps or thugs. It's women that are balanced. (The boy in front of her belches loudly. The students chuckle.) BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, I rest my case. PROFESSOR: I see your point. But like it or not, behind every good man is a good woman and vice versa. We need each other. BILLIE JENKINS: Hardly. I'm around amazing women all the time that don't need guys. I mean, history proves that women are the stronger s*x. Let's think back to goddesses, queens, muses, witches -- MALE STUDENT: Witches, women -- same difference. MALE STUDENT 2: You don't mean witches. You mean bi -- (The girl behind him slaps the back of his head before he can even finish that sentence.) FEMALE STUDENT: Shut up, Sicko. BILLIE JENKINS: The only way there will ever be any balance is if women get the chance to rule. PROFESSOR: Except history doesn't support your theory. When either s*x becomes dominant, it's a fiasco. BILLIE JENKINS: Yeah, for you guys. PROFESSOR: No. For everyone. We're different for a reason. Buy it or not, the yin/yang theory will be on the midterm today. (The class groans. Billie's phone rings.) BILLIE JENKINS: I'm sorry. I got to take this. (to phone) Phoebe? Hi. Demons? Okay. I'll just get a cab. All right, bye. (She hangs up.) Sorry. I got to go. It's a family emergency. (Billie grabs her stuff and leaves. The Boy student belches again.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. P-3 (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. P-3 - DAY - PIPER'S OFFICE] (Smitty talks with Piper as Leo leans against the doorframe in the back listening.) PIPER: Well, the problem is it's a catch-22. No band wants to play a club that hasn't had a band in a while. On the other hand, I need a band. SMITTY: That is a problem. PIPER: Yes, but not an insurmountable one, right? SMITTY: Yeah, it's true. You guys have a great track record. I mean, you--you used to book a lot of talent. PIPER: Uh-huh. And we still can. It just takes one. SMITTY: You're not gonna get a headliner. PIPER: Okay. Uh ... well, what if we do a benefit for the hurricane victims? SMITTY: Maybe I can get you a chick band, but that's about it. PIPER: A chick band? SMITTY: But it won't help much because there aren't very many hip ones. PIPER: I'm sorry, but there's a lot of hugely successful female bands around. SMITTY: Yeah, but you're not gonna get any of 'em. PIPER: Well, why not? We used to. SMITTY: Whoa. Don't get all emotional on me, baby. PIPER: Oh, no. This is not emotional. Would you like to see emotional? I can get emotional. (Leo steps forward and intervenes.) LEO: Okay, look, Smitty, bottom line is we really could use your help, so maybe there's somebody who owes you a favor. (Leo leads Smitty to the door.) PIPER: Oh, no. I don't need no favors from him. (Leo sends Piper a warning look as he and Smitty leave the office.) [INT P-3 - CLUB - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Leo and Smitty walk toward the door.) SMITTY: Okay. Well, um, Liz Phair's passing through town. She likes a good charity. But we'll talk later when the ol' ball and chain isn't around. (Leo chuckles.) LEO: All right. (They shake hands as Piper exits the office. Smitty leaves.) PIPER: Why were you so nice to him? Why did you not throw him out on his macho pig ass? LEO: Because I'm trying to get you a band. Smitty has a point. The music business is all about what's current. PIPER: Well, currently, I am very irritated. LEO: Okay, well, then you need to take a deep breath and relax. PIPER: Oh, I see. Now you think I'm being overly emotional. (Used to it, Leo chuckles.) LEO: Not at all. It's all good. (He turns and leaves. Piper's not buying it as she fumes. She laughs and heads back to her office.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WAREHOUSE -- DAY] (Phoebe has some evidence out on the table. In her hand, she holds a boxing glove as she talks on the phone with Paige.) PHOEBE: (to phone) All I'm saying is I have coffee at six, a dinner date at eight. So if Billie's not here - PAIGE: (from phone) Believe it or not, I would rather be helping you than be where I am right now. INTERCUT WITH: [EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - DAY] (Paige is hiding behind a car, parked in a run-down section of the neighborhood.) PHOEBE: (from phone) Why? Where are you? PAIGE: I'm, uh ... on skid row, trying to figure out how to introduce myself to my new charge. PHOEBE: Well, what's stopping you? PAIGE: Well, I have to wait for the other felon to leave first. PHOEBE: Why? (Paige keeps her eyes on the two men arguing across the street.) PAIGE: Apparently, this kid's at a crossroads. I'm supposed to help him figure out how to make the right choice, like that's gonna be real easy. PHOEBE: Well, back to our little problem here. (Phoebe reaches into the box again.) (Paige sees Donnie grab Speed and push him up against the wall.) DONNIE: Don't tell me no, punk. You owe me. PAIGE: I got to go. He's getting beat up. Oh-kay. (Paige hangs up.) PHOEBE: (sputters) Wait. But -- SPEED: Look, I'm just trying to stay out of trouble, Donnie, that's all. DONNIE: Yeah? Well, you don't drive, and you're gonna be in a world of trouble with me. You got that, Speed? Huh?! PAIGE: (o.s.) Hey! (Donnie turns and sees Paige running toward them.) DONNIE: (to Speed) You better show up. Punk. (He lets Speed go just as Paige arrives.) PAIGE: You okay? SPEED: Who are you? PAIGE: Uh, I'm someone who just saved you from getting your ass kicked, that's who I am. SPEED: Lady, I don't think so. PAIGE: Speed, I know who you are. I'm just trying to help you. SPEED: What are you, my guardian angel or something? PAIGE: Yeah. Or something. (He can't believe her. Suddenly, tires screech as a car turns the corner quickly headed toward them. Speed looks at the car and recognizes it.) SPEED: Aw, shoot! (He takes off running.) PAIGE: Wait! (The car turns around on the street, tires screeching and rams into the wire fence where Speed is climbing.) (Speed falls right on the hood of the car.) (Henry Mitchell gets out of the car and grabs Speed, pulling up and off his car.) HENRY MITCHELL: You dented my hood. That's gonna cost you. (Henry starts to frisk Speed. Paige runs over to them.) PAIGE: Hey! SPEED: (protesting) It wasn't what you think. The dude just tracked me down. PAIGE: Leave him alone or I'm gonna call the cops! (Henry pushes Speed face down on the hood of the car and pulls out his handcuffs. He also takes out his badge to show Paige.) HENRY MITCHELL: Don't bother. That's where he's headed already. PAIGE: You're a parole officer? (Henry cuffs Speed and pulls him up.) HENRY MITCHELL: Look at that. Your girlfriend can read, huh? PAIGE: What'd he do? HENRY MITCHELL: Broke parole. Consorting with a known felon. SPEED: Man, that's not what happened. Come on, you gotta believe me. (He pushes Speed into the car.) HENRY MITCHELL: Actually, no, I don't. I wouldn't hang around out here, lady, if I were you. Not dressed like that. (Paige glances down at what she's wearing as Henry gets back into his car and starts the engine. He backs up, forcing Paige to step aside. He drives away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. WAREHOUSE -- DAY] (Billie tries on a pair of sunglasses as she pauses going through the evidence boxes.) BILLIE JENKINS: Wow. These are so Greta Garbo. Hey, now there's a woman that didn't need a man to make her feel complete. (Phoebe is looking through another box in between the shelves. She's also on her phone.) PHOEBE: Hey, Billie, those are evidence, okay? And not to mention somebody probably died in them. (to phone) Hello. No. I said I'm dying to see you. It just must be a really bad connection. (Billie takes out a girdle.) BILLIE JENKINS: Now, this is the kind of bondage men want us in? I don't even know why you bother hooking up. After seeing this guy in my class this morning, I am so sure women should be on top. PHOEBE: Do you mind? BILLIE JENKINS: I'm sorry. I meant that metaphorically. PHOEBE: Well, I'm speaking to a guy, and he means metaphysically. (Billie heads back to her box on the table.) BILLIE JENKINS: Yeah, see, that's the thing. Men just keep using their little heads to do all the thinking for them. (She reaches in the box and takes out a skull.) BILLIE JENKINS: You know, this whole yin/yang thing, it's a complete hoax. Look at this lame gig. Once again, the male establishment is using women's awesome skills for their busywork. PHOEBE: (to phone) You know what? I got to go, okay? Yeah, I can't wait to see you, too. Sunday. All right. Thanks. Bye. (She hangs up, picks up her box and heads over to the table to join Billie.) PHOEBE: Hey, can we lay off the male bashing, please? (Billie goes back to the shelf to look at the other items on it.) BILLIE JENKINS: Sorry. I've just had one too many lame dates lately. I don't understand. Everyone I go out with is so immature and childish. Does that ever change? Do they ever grow up? (She finds a golden belt.) PHOEBE: Well, if I ever get out of here, I'll let you know. BILLIE JENKINS: Hey. Check this thing out. (Billie steps out from the shelves with the belt around her waist. Phoebe glances at her just as Billie's about to snap the belt closed.) PHOEBE: No, no. No. (Too late. She closes the belt around her waist. A gold-colored flash of light washes over Billie and changes her into a sleek, Amazon-looking warrior.) BILLIE JENKINS: Uh, what just happened? PHOEBE: We're screwed. That's what happened. [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET -- DAY] (Billie and Phoebe walk down the sidewalk. The men they pass by whistle at them. Billie tries to get the belt off her.) PHOEBE: This is unbelievable. Piper takes the car. Paige orbs. Does anyone stop and think that Phoebe can't orb? No, of course not. Why? Because it's all about them. BILLIE JENKINS: Ok, hi. Yeah. I can't get this thing off. PHOEBE: Yeah. Don't even bother. It's gonna take a spell or a potion or some kind of emotional epiphany. BILLIE JENKINS: That blows. Are you sure? PHOEBE: Hello! Voice of experience. I've been turned into a mermaid, a mummy, a genie. Okay? Trust me. I know these things. BILLIE JENKINS: I can't believe this. I feel so stupid. I had to put the belt on. PHOEBE: It's okay. Just think of it as initiation. It happens to the best of us. BILLIE JENKINS: So it's not that bad? PHOEBE: Oh, no. It's bad. It's very, very bad. (They cross the street.) MAN: (o.s.) Hey! Superhero-Babe! Over here! BILLIE JENKINS: (groans) Please, someone vanquish me now. PHOEBE: Ok, we got to get you out of here. Hey, taxi! (Phoebe hails a taxi. The taxi stops. Billie reaches down to open the door and it comes off completely from its hinges.) (She and Phoebe gasp.) TAXI DRIVER: What the hell did you do to my cab? PHOEBE: Put it back, put it back. Put it back. Let's go. (Billie puts the car door back on the car. She and Phoebe take off down the sidewalk.) (The taxi driver watches as his car door falls off the frame and onto the sidewalk.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- DAY] (Zira stirs the boiling cauldron. Sollal rushes into the Great Hall carrying a book.) SOLLAL: A dormant power's just been activated. ZIRA: What do you mean dormant? (He opens the book and reads.) SOLLAL: Well, judging by its intensity and frequency of the emissions, I thought it was the Crystal of Kazimar. But it's even more powerful than that. The Golden Belt of Gaea. ZIRA: "The goddesses' gift to Hippolyta endows the woman wearing it with transcendent powers." (She slams the book shut and looks at Sollal eagerly.) ZIRA: I'm sold. How do I get it? SOLLAL: Trust me. You don't want it. It would destroy you the moment you put it on. You're evil. ZIRA: Then what good is it to me? SOLLAL: Well, you could still appropriate its powers by getting the woman who's wearing it to do your bidding for you. ZIRA: How, if she's good? SOLLAL: The belt's power will compel her to use its force whether she wants to or not. In time, it'll drive her to madness, consume her. Of course, if you were to befriend her before that ... ZIRA: Then I can get her to use the powers for me, to get rid of Tai. How do we find her? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE STATION - BULLPEN -- DAY] (Paige walks in and sees Henry Mitchell on the phone.) PAIGE: There you are. HENRY MITCHELL: (to phone) What about Jake? Did he check in yet? (She walks up to Henry.) PAIGE: Hey. Excuse me. You almost hit me. HENRY MITCHELL: (to phone) I'm gonna call you back. Yeah, yeah. (He hangs up.) Excuse me? PAIGE: Before you peeled out of there, you nearly hit me. HENRY MITCHELL: Oh. Sorry about that. PAIGE: Oh. HENRY MITCHELL: Is that what you came all the way down here for? PAIGE: Yeah. That and just to, you know, check and see how Speed's doing. HENRY MITCHELL: Let me guess. Missionary? Social worker? Do-gooder? PAIGE: Homeland Security, actually. HENRY MITCHELL: Really? PAIGE: Mm-hmm. Check it out if you want. HENRY MITCHELL: All right. I think I will. So what does homeland security want with a street thug like Speed? PAIGE: He's not a thug. He's a kid. HENRY MITCHELL: Oh, no, no. No. He's 18. PAIGE: Barely. HENRY MITCHELL: Well, barely counts, and he's gonna learn that. PAIGE: Where's he supposed to learn that? In jail? HENRY MITCHELL: No. We try to scare him so that maybe he won't go back to jail. FRANK: Here you go, Henry. He's all yours. HENRY MITCHELL: Thanks, Frank. SPEED: What's she doing here? HENRY MITCHELL: She's looking out for you, so don't let her down. Hey, from now on, it's for real. You got that? No more juvie passes. Next time it counts. SPEED: Yeah, yeah, yeah. HENRY MITCHELL: You Feds better keep your books open on this one. Something tells me you're gonna see him again. PAIGE: No. We won't. He's destined for greatness. SPEED: You hear that? I'm destined for greatness. HENRY MITCHELL: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't make your four o'clock check-in with me, you're gonna be destined for prison. Go on. I'm gonna take you home. (He pushes Speed toward the door and turns to look at Paige who smiles at him. Henry can't make heads or tails out of her. He follows Speed and heads out.) (Paige walks over to the nearest file cabinet and looks at the file folders on it. She sees something and smiles as she leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM -- DAY] (Leo follows Piper out of the kitchen and into the dining room, mid- conversation.) PIPER: How many times do I have to say it? I'd rather lose the club than have somebody like Smitty help me out. LEO: Okay, but you're letting your feelings about the guy get in the way of good business. PIPER: So, basically, you agree with him. Now, not only am I emotional, but I am also, in fact, stupid. LEO: That's not what I meant. PIPER: You know what? At least I hold on to my principles. LEO: Okay. You know what? Let's stop with the mudslinging and think about this rationally. PIPER: Oh! So now I'm irrational? LEO: No. Yes. You're being irrational. Smitty has amazing connections. It doesn't make sense to alienate him. PIPER: Ok, fine. You know what? You deal with him, man to man, all right? More power to you. (Piper slaps Leo on his arm just as a loud crashing sounds from behind them.) (Piper turns around to see ... [INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Billie carrying the front door into the house. They are all completely shocked by it. She puts the door down against the wall.) BILLIE JENKINS: Sorry. PIPER: Oh ... (Phoebe walks into the house and walks past Piper.) PHOEBE: Yeah, she's a superhero. But, no, you can't get mad at her because it's your fault. PIPER: My fault? PHOEBE: Yes. She tried on a belt in one of the boxes that you were supposed to be going through. BILLIE JENKINS: I couldn't help myself. PIPER: Oh, no. Really? PHOEBE: Enough with the chatter. We have to figure out how to get it off of her. LEO: It's not gonna be easy. That looks like Hippolyta's belt. PIPER: Hippo-who? BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, wait. I know her from my mythology class. Greek queen. Super powerful. Wanted to create men and women equal. (beat) Wait a second. Didn't Hercules butcher her? LEO: That's the one. BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, that's just great. (Billie waves her arms and Leo vanishes.) (Piper turns and looks at the empty space where Leo used to be.) PIPER: Oh, no. Why did you go and do that? Who's gonna pick up the kids? LEO: What do you mean? PHOEBE: Leo, look at yourself. LEO: Ohh. PIPER: (to Billie) Turn him back. Right now. BILLIE JENKINS: I don't know how. I didn't do it. (points to belt) This did it. PIPER: Huh. All right. Fine. (Piper waves her hands at the belt and tries to blast it off her. There's a mini-explosion, but the belt is still on Billie. Billie gasps and glares at Piper.) BILLIE JENKINS: Did you just try and kill me? PIPER: Easy. PHOEBE: Billie, relax. Of course not. What's the matter with you? BILLIE JENKINS: I don't know. That was really weird. Please get this off me. PHOEBE: (points upstairs) Let's get the Book. (Piper waits as Phoebe and Billie leave the room.) PIPER: (to Leo) All right. What aren't you telling us? And don't think just because you're invisible that I won't -- LEO: (interrupts from her right) Ok. I know the goddesses who made the belt came up with a way to take it off. But if we can't figure out what that was, Billie's going to die. PIPER: Oh, like the woman who wore it before who ended up in Murphy's cold case. LEO: Probably. The belt holds enormous power, Piper. It seduces the wearer before it drives her insane. PIPER: We got to fix this before it goes horribly wrong. (Piper takes a step forward and bumps into Invisible Leo.) LEO: Like it's not already. PIPER: All right, that's not funny. Move it. Move. Mm. (She walks around Leo and heads out of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. FITNESS CENTER -- BACK ALLEY -- DAY] (Zira, Tai and Tai's demons walk into the alley.) TAI: Where's this belt? ZIRA: It won't just come to you on its own, Tai. It must be lured. She must be lured. TAI: How? ZIRA: By attacking an innocent, a female. (Two women walk out of the fitness center.) ZIRA: But it must be more than just an attack. You'll need to torment her if you wish to compel the mistress of the belt to come to her aid. TAI: I brought my demons here to torment one innocent? ZIRA: No. You brought them here to help you get power beyond your imagination. Imagine your status in the underworld when you bring such a trophy back. All will bow to you if, of course, you can take the belt away from her. It won't be easy. TAI: I think I can handle one lousy woman. ZIRA: Oh, so strong. Still, better safe than sorry. I'll prepare for the belt's arrival. (Zira shimmers out of the alley.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- DAY] (Phoebe pulls out a chair at the potions table. In the background, we see Piper leafing through the Book of Shadows.) PHOEBE: (to Billie) Ok, you just sit down right here and relax until we can figure out a way to get that thing off you. (Billie sits down.) PIPER: If we can. If we can, we should soon before she turns any more men invisible. PHOEBE: Well, you and I both know something horrible is gonna have to happen before we can get her out of that get-up. (Billie suddenly gets to her feet. She grabs a potions bottle off the table and slams it against the belt. It causes a mini-explosion, but the belt remains firmly around Billie's waist.) BILLIE JENKINS: Ohhh! I scratched my pretty belt. PIPER: Oh, dear. Now it's her "pretty belt." BILLIE JENKINS: What does that mean? PHOEBE: It just means that maybe the belt is starting to affect you. BILLIE JENKINS: I don't think the belt is starting to affect me. Okay? I would know if -- Oh, hold on. I think I'm getting a call. PIPER: A call? BILLIE JENKINS: Yeah. I'll be right back. (Billie turns and, with super-speed, runs out of the attic.) PHOEBE: Oh! [INT. MANOR - FOYER - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Invisible Leo is putting the front door back on the frame when Super Billie runs out of the house.) LEO: Whoa! (The door falls on Invisible Leo, squishing him.) LEO: Anybody? Help? Anybody? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FITNESS CENTER - BACK ALLEY -- DAY] (Tai and the other demons trap a woman outside the fitness center.) TAI: (sing-song) Over here ... We're coming for you. GIRL: Dear god, help! (Tai throws bolts of electricity at the girl, trapping her against the wall.) BILLIE JENKINS: (o.s.) That's no way to treat a woman. (They turn and see Billie.) TAI: Get the belt. BILLIE JENKINS: I don't think so. (Tai throws bolts of electricity at Billie. She holds up her hand and deflects it back at one of the demons, hitting him, vanquishing him. The other demons explode as well.) (Tai turns and finds that he's alone.) (He tries again, throwing more electricity at her. Billie steps aside, the electricity missing her completely.) (Billie throws some electricity at him, hitting him in the shoulder. Tai shimmers out.) BILLIE JENKINS: Men. [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - FOYER/MAIN HALL -- DAY] (Piper and Phoebe are carrying the door. They set it agains the wall.) PIPER: Sweetie, honey, are you all right? LEO: Yeah. Except for the fact that nobody can see me. PHOEBE: And the fact that the girl that did that to you is out doing God knows what. We have to find her. (Just then, Billie speeds back into the house, knocking the door off.) LEO: Whoa! Watch the door ... (The door falls to the floor.) BILLIE JENKINS: Um, sorry. I'm still getting used to this blurring thing, but, oh, is it fun. PHOEBE: Fun? You're having fun? We were worried about you. Where have you been? BILLIE JENKINS: Well, let's see. I rescued a woman in distress, I killed off a bunch of male demons, and I scratched my pretty belt again. (Piper and Phoebe glance at each other.) PHOEBE: Okay, Billie, I think you're getting a little too attached to that thing. PIPER: Yeah, until we get it off, maybe you should kind of stay put. BILLIE JENKINS: No, I don't wanna take it off. It makes me feel powerful. LEO: See, that's a problem. (The belt glows, casting a red array of light on the girls.) PIPER: Actually, here's a problem. (Phoebe's phone rings.) PIPER: Why are men so threatened by powerful women? PHOEBE: (to phone) Hey, look, I'm busy. I'll call you when I have time. (She hangs up.) There is nothing worse than a needy guy. PIPER: Right. LEO: Uh, ladies, I think the belt's affecting you, too. PIPER: Oh, shush it, will you? PHOEBE: Is there any way you can make his voice disappear? LEO: Which means it's growing stronger. BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, you are such a downer. No wonder I made you invisible. Oops. My midterm. I almost forgot. PIPER: Hey, could you make Leo visible again before you go? PHOEBE: Really? Why? PIPER: Well, he's got to play golf apparently to get me a band. So what can I tell you? It's a man's world. (Off to the side, Leo chuckles wryly.) BILLIE JENKINS: I guess I can try. (She shoots some electricity at Leo, making him visible again.) BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, it worked. Right on. (Billie speeds off. As soon as she's gone, the Piper's brow furrows.) PIPER: What the hell just happened? PHOEBE: I think her powers are getting stronger. LEO: And taking her over. PIPER: Well, then we have to stop her. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- DAY] (Sollal stands over the cauldron. Zira walks in.) ZIRA: He wants to go after her again. I can't hold him off much longer. Why didn't it work? Why didn't she kill him? SOLLAL: I'm telling you, we're almost there. ZIRA: How do you figure? Tai's alive. Male demons are still in control. But I don't see any wonder witch here to help me change things. SOLLAL: She killed his gang, didn't she? That means the belt's hold on her is strengthening. Now, soon she'll be so intoxicated by it, you'll be able to make your move, turn her. ZIRA: Not if Tai kills me first. SOLLAL: Then use your wiles to hold him at bay until I can find her. She will be yours for the taking in no time. ZIRA: You better be right ... or else there'll be one more male demon to become extinct. (Zira leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SPEED'S APARTMENT -- DAY] (Paige looks around Speed's small apartment. She picks up a scrubber in one of the pans and tosses it back.) (There's some scruffling noises coming from outside the door.) PAIGE: Speed. Finally. Where have you been? (She opens the door. Henry Mitchell nearly falls inside. They're both surprised to see the other.) HENRY MITCHELL: What are you doing here? PAIGE: What are you doing here? (Henry enters the apartment and looks around.) HENRY MITCHELL: I'm supposed to be here. I'm the parole officer, remember? How did you get in? That door was locked. (The door closes.) PAIGE: (shrugs) I have my ways. HENRY MITCHELL: Really? Oh, I'm listening. PAIGE: Look -- HENRY MITCHELL: No. You look. I don't know what your name is. PAIGE: My name is Paige. HENRY MITCHELL: Okay, Paige. I have a job to do and a parolee to bust. Now, what do you know about all that? PAIGE: I don't know anything about all that. I just came here to talk to him, okay. HENRY MITCHELL: Talk about what? PAIGE: Talk about his future, how not to blow it. HENRY MITCHELL: You think that that's all it's gonna take to keep him out of trouble? Just some talk? PAIGE: Well, it's a start, isn't it? HENRY MITCHELL: Why do you believe in him so much? PAIGE: Why don't you? HENRY MITCHELL: No, I used to, for the last ten years. But I'm getting pretty tired of trying to save his useless ass. PAIGE: Great. Don't. I'll do it. HENRY MITCHELL: You'll do it? PAIGE: (nods) Mm-hmm. HENRY MITCHELL: You're a little late. PAIGE: What do you mean? HENRY MITCHELL: I mean, he's not here, is he? No. Which means he's with Donnie, which means Donnie talked him into the job. PAIGE: Jobs are good things. HENRY MITCHELL: Not that kind of a job. Robbing a liquor store. Yeah. That's right. And the cops know all about it. And they're gonna bust him in the act. PAIGE: No. Speed's not gonna be there. HENRY MITCHELL: I got twenty bucks says he will. PAIGE: I have twenty that says he won't. You're on. HENRY MITCHELL: Let's go. PAIGE: Where? HENRY MITCHELL: And prove you wrong. After you. (Paige and Henry leave the apartment. Henry closes the door behind them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS - CLASS -- DAY] (The test starts. The professor glances at his watch.) PROFESSOR: Twenty minutes, guys. Twenty minutes. (Billie walks in.) FEMALE STUDENT: Talk about tacky. MALE STUDENT 1: Hey, super babe. MALE STUDENT 2: I could use some action. PROFESSOR: Shh, shh, shh, shh. Test half over. Time you have left, you'll be lucky to get a "C." BILLIE JENKINS: Wouldn't expect anything more from a sexist pig like you. CLASS: Ohh. PROFESSOR: Excuse me? BILLIE JENKINS: You have to admit your theories are slanted to more of a male perspective. (Billie's belt sends a red array of light through the entire classroom. The females in the class glow as they're affected by the light.) PROFESSOR: So is the superhero costume a comment on the male hierarchy? I assume you're making a statement. MALE STUDENT: Yeah, that she's hot. FEMALE STUDENT: Shut up, pig! (The female student gets up and elbows the male student in the face, knocking him to the ground. Some guys laugh.) FEMALE STUDENT: What are you laughing at? MALE STUDENT 2: Ok. Chill out. Huh? (The female student climbs over the desks and jumps on the second male student. The professor tries to get order back into the class.) PROFESSOR: Wait. Stop. This isn't necessary-- aah! (A third female student runs and tackles the professor. Other women in the class start fighting with the men. Billie's appalled.) (The dark-haired female student knocks a male student down to the floor, jumps on him, and punches him repeatedly in the face.) BILLIE JENKINS: (confused) This isn't right. (Billie backs up and leaves the class.) [INT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Zira walks up to Billie.) ZIRA: This isn't what you wanted, is it? I can help you. BILLIE JENKINS: Who are you? ZIRA: Someone who understands. (She takes Billie's hand.) Come with me ... and all your questions will be answered. (Camera pans across the door way to the Human Sexuality class. The fighting inside continues.) [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - FOYER / MAIN HALL -- DAY] (Piper and Phoebe enter the house. Phoebe closes the door behind them.) PIPER: I can't believe we missed her. PHOEBE: Well, at least she left before the entire class killed each other. PIPER: You mean before the girls killed the boys. LEO: Sounds like history's repeating itself. Hippolyta tried to use the belt to create harmony between the sexes. It blew up in her face, too. PHOEBE: Dare I ask what happened next? LEO: Well, she retreated to an island of women, killing any man who dare to enter. PIPER: Well, one must have gotten through because Billie said Hercules killed her. LEO: Which is why everyone who's worn the belt since has tried to rid the entire world of men. PHOEBE: Oh, great. Just when I start dating again. PIPER: You know, that means Wyatt and Chris, too. PHOEBE: Oh, come on. What are the possibilities of this really happening? Other people have worn the belt before and men are still walking around. LEO: But Billie was a powerful witch before she put the belt on, which pretty much makes her invincible. She could do it or at least kill a lot of men trying. PIPER: So, what, our only hope is that the belt drives her insane and kills her first? PHOEBE: No, we have to figure out a way to get the belt off of her and contain her, obviously, so she doesn't do any more harm. PIPER: If we can find her. LEO: I guess I won't be golfing after all. PIPER: No. Actually, I think you should. You're the target. I want you as far away as possible. LEO: Yes. But you're vulnerable to the belt's powers. I'm not. PIPER: Yeah, I know. But now that we know what to expect, we'll keep our distance, I promise. Now, really, you should go, and if you find me a band in the process, that wouldn't be such a bad thing. (She kisses him on the lips, turns and heads upstairs. Phoebe follows her.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- DAY] (Zira talks with Billie.) ZIRA: Don't you see? Women have evolved while men have grown more barbaric. Your destiny is to unite women -- bring peace into the world, and I can help. BILLIE JENKINS: But you're a demon. ZIRA: But I don't want to be. Nor with your powers will I have to be any longer. This whole good-versus-evil paradigm -- it's all been fostered by men to divide us because they can't create life. So they try to destroy it. BILLIE JENKINS: I don't know. ZIRA: Oh, think about it. We're at magic school. It's filled with demons, which means if I wanted you dead, you would be. BILLIE JENKINS: What do you want? ZIRA: Peace. Harmony. Just ... like ... you. With women ruling, good and evil goes away. All walks of life live as one. Of course, we may have to kill a few ... de-men in the process. But that's where you come in. BILLIE JENKINS: I should talk to the sisters first. ZIRA: They don't believe in a women's utopia like we do. They're stuck in the old ways, battles. BILLIE JENKINS: No. No, they're very strong women. ZIRA: Who have been corrupted by the male hierarchy. They're scared of change. They'd do anything to stop you, which is why it's so important we take over magic school, make it our base. Peace. Unity. Think about it. SOLLEL: She's not well. She'll be dead soon. ZIRA: She just needs to live long enough to kill Tai. Then no one will dare challenge me. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEY / INT. HENRY'S CAR (PARKED) -- DAY] (Henry and Paige wait in his car, the two twenty dollar bills on the dashboard.) (Henry eats peanuts out of the bottle. Paige groans, shifting in her seat.) HENRY MITCHELL: You all right? PAIGE: Yeah. I just have to go to the bathroom is all. HENRY MITCHELL: Oh. Why didn't you say so? (Henry reaches in the back and takes out a thermos cup. He hands it to her and looks away.) HENRY MITCHELL: Here you go. I won't look. PAIGE: That's disgusting. (He smiles at her and tosses the cup in the backseat.) HENRY MITCHELL: First stakeout, huh? PAIGE: No. I've been on lots of stakeouts. (He scrunches his eyes at her, studying her.) What? HENRY MITCHELL: I don't know. Still trying to figure you out. PAIGE: Why? HENRY MITCHELL: Because I can't. That's why. I do like a challenge, though. DISPATCH: Suspect vehicle approaching south on Larson. Over. (They look over and see the black SUV pull up the street. Donnie and Speed are inside.) DISPATCH: Suspect vehicle is in position, two black males considered armed and dangerous. Stand by. Over. HENRY MITCHELL: Damn. It looks like you lost our bet. PAIGE: He hasn't done anything yet. HENRY MITCHELL: Boy, you are an optimist, huh? PAIGE: No. I just have faith. HENRY MITCHELL: Yeah. So do I. (Henry takes out his gun and waits.) [INT. SUV -- DAY] (Speed sits nervously in the car.) DONNIE: Yo. Chill, dog. SPEED: Look, I don't wanna be doing this. DONNIE: Yeah? Well, it's too late. (He glances behind at the other two men in the back seat. They take out their guns and load them.) (The two guys in the back seat exit the car.) [EXT. LIQUOR STORE - DAY] (A man carrying a package exits the liquor store. The two men from the SUV approach the front. [INT. SUV -- DAY] DONNIE: What are you waiting for? Drive to the front. SPEED: I can't, man. I don't wanna be doing this. I can't. (Donnie opens a switchblade.) DONNIE: The hell you can't. (Speed sees the two guys walk into the liquor store.) [INT. SUV -- DAY] (Donnie is insistent.) DONNIE: Drive, damn it. [INT. HENRY'S CAR (PARKED) - DAY] (The store's burglar alarm sounds.) DISPATCH: (radio) All units engage, engage! (Henry heads out.) HENRY MITCHELL: (to Paige) Stay here. (Paige gets out of the car.) [INT. SUV (PARKED) - DAY] (Speed takes the opportunity and tries to get out of the car. Donnie turns and sees him.) DONNIE: Son of a bitch. (He reaches over the seat and swings the knife at Speed, knicking him in the side.) SPEED: Aah! [EXT. STREET -- DAY] (Officer cars turn the corner. Donnie quickly exits the car and runs. Speed runs.) (The two cars stop in front of the liquor store just as the other two robbers exit, surprised to see them. The officers quickly get out of their cars, their guns raised.) OFFICER: Police! Freeze! Don't move! (The robbers run.) (Henry runs to check the SUV.) (The cops apprehend the two robbers.) (Henry reaches the end of the road and sees the SUV still parked where they left it, no one inside.) (Paige reaches Henry's side. He glances back at her.) HENRY MITCHELL: You owe me twenty bucks. (He turns and leaves. Paige shakes her head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- NIGHT] (Phoebe sits at the scrying table as she waves the crystal over the map. Piper is setting down crystals in the center of the attic.) PHOEBE: This isn't working. Either super Billie's completely taken over or she just doesn't wanna be found. PIPER: Well, we could try the "to call a lost witch" spell. If there's any witch left in her, it should bring her back here whether she likes it or not. PHOEBE: Well, what if that doesn't work? PIPER: Well, then mankind has got a serious problem. (Piper and Phoebe head for the Book of Shadows.) PHOEBE: I should've stopped her. PIPER: Don't worry about it. It's a job hazard. It would've happened sooner or later. PHOEBE: She's gonna be pretty upset when she comes back here. Do you think we should call for Paige? PIPER: No. She's got her own innocent to save. Besides, if Billie gets here and we can't handle it, we'll call for her. PIPER/PHOEBE: Power of the witches rise, course unseen across the skies. Come to us who call you near, come to us and settle here. (Billie appears in the attic. She's downright irritated.) BILLIE JENKINS: What did you do that for? PHOEBE: We were just worried about you, that's all. BILLIE JENKINS: That's bull. You just don't want me to create my Utopia. PIPER: Your what? PHOEBE: Are you kidding? We love Utopias. We're witches, you know. We're into the girl power. BILLIE JENKINS: Fine. What do you want? PHOEBE: (innocently) We just wanna talk, see how you're doing. Now! (Piper drops the last crystal to complete the crystal cage around Billie. She and Phoebe both run back to the Book.) BILLIE JENKINS: Aah! (Billie tries to get out of the crystal cage and is shocked.) BILLIE JENKINS: You lied to me! Zira was right. PHOEBE: Zira? (Billie stretches out her arms and screams. A blast of power bursts from her and decimates the crystal cage. Phoebe and Piper run for cover behind the nearby couch.) BILLIE JENKINS: There's no wrath like a woman scorned. (Billie vanishes.) PIPER: Huh. We have got to find her and bring her back here 'cause I am not cleaning up this mess. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- NIGHT] (Zira paces the floor as Sollel stirs the bubbling cauldron.) BILLIE JENKINS: (o.s.) Zira. (They turn and see Billie standing in the doorway.) BILLIE JENKINS: I'm all yours. (Zira smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - STAIRS/SITTING ROOM -- NIGHT] (Phoebe and Piper come down the stairway.) PHOEBE: Maybe we could try the spell again and bring her back. PIPER: And do what with her, watch her destroy the rest of the house? We can't contain her. PHOEBE: There's got to be a way. (They turn and see Leo walk back into the house with his golf clubs. He spares the missing front door a glance.) LEO: Hey. I, uh, guess Billie's still wearing the belt, huh? PIPER: You think? PHOEBE: Nice. You're out playing golf while we're trying to save your gender. (Leo goes to the closet to put the golf clubs away.) PIPER: No. I told him to, and it's a good thing I did, because Billie might have killed you. LEO: She's getting worse, isn't she? PHOEBE: Yeah, and she teamed up with a demon. If I were a guy, I'd definitely be a little nervous. LEO: Any chance they went back to magic school? PIPER: Maybe. Why? LEO: Well, because if they did, we might be able to get the belt off her there. The goddesses' spell's got to be in one of the history books. PIPER: It's gonna be pretty tough to get by her unseen. LEO: I think unseen is the answer. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SPEED'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT] (The front door opens and Speed peers inside. He's barely taken a step in when Henry grabs him and pushes him up against the wall.) HENRY MITCHELL: You wouldn't listen to me. Just had to go and do something stupid. (Paige appears in the doorway.) PAIGE: Hey, easy. SPEED: Oh, man, you don't understand. HENRY MITCHELL: No, I understand. You screwed up. That's what I understand. PAIGE: Why don't you just listen to what he has to say? HENRY MITCHELL: Look, I don't like this any better than you do, okay? I don't have any choice. He's an accessory to robbery, and I'm gonna take him in. SPEED: I'm telling you, that's not the way it went down. HENRY MITCHELL: Okay. Why don't you tell that to the judge? (Henry pushes Speed toward the door. Once in the light, Paige sees that he's bleeding.) PAIGE: Wait. What happened? (Henry glances down at Speed's bloody shirt.) HENRY MITCHELL: What happened to you? SPEED: That's what I was trying to tell you. Donnie stuck me 'cause I wouldn't drive. HENRY MITCHELL: Then what the hell were you doing there? Huh? SPEED: Just forget it, man. (Henry again tries to get Speed out the door. Paige stops him.) PAIGE: No. No. If what he's saying is the truth, then that makes him innocent. HENRY MITCHELL: That's not my call. PAIGE: Actually, it is your call whether you take him in or not. Why don't you check the other guy's knife? If his blood is on it, then he's exonerated. (Henry considers it.) HENRY MITCHELL: Let's go. Excuse us. (Henry pushes Speed out the door. Paige's phone rings.) PAIGE: (to phone) What? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL -- NIGHT] (Billie vanquishes a demon. Tai crouches on the ground, glaring at Zira.) TAI: You set me up. ZIRA: It's called evolution, Tai. Your kind's irrelevant. TAI: (to Billie) You fool. She's just using you. There's no battle of the sexes. The eternal fight is between good and evil. (Billie shoots electricity at Tai. He explodes.) (ZOOM IN ON the overturned cauldron and the puddle under it. We hear squishy footfalls and see sneaker-sized prints appearing across the Great Hall floor. Camera rises to the shelves of books in the back.) ZIRA: I can't believe he's finally dead. It's almost anticlimactic. (Sollal peers out from behind the curtains.) SOLLAL: Is he really gone? ZIRA: (to Billie) You missed one. (Sollal tries to make a run for it, but Billie zaps him. He explodes.) SOLLAL: Yaah! (Billie sighs and turns around. Zira follows her.) (Unknown to them, a book tilts on the shelf. More books move on the shelf.) (Billie sits down. Zira crouches down in front of her.) ZIRA: Are you all right? You don't look well. BILLIE JENKINS: I don't feel very good. ZIRA: It's all right. You just rest. (More books shuffle around on the table behind them.) ZIRA: It'll be all over soon. I promise. PHOEBE: (o.s.) Sooner than you think. (They turn and see The Charmed Ones in the doorway. They enter the Great Hall.) (Billie gets to her feet.) BILLIE JENKINS: What are you doing here? PIPER: We've come to save you. PAIGE: Again. ZIRA: You can't save her. It's too late. (Piper glances off to the side. The open book hovering in the air, tilts downward to show her the spell.) PIPER: Wanna bet? (Paige holds out her hands.) PAIGE: Book. (The open book orbs to her arms.) ZIRA: They're after your belt. Kill them. LEO: No! PIPER: Leo! (Suddenly, Invisible Leo rushes over and knocks Billie off her feet.) LEO: Say the damn spell! PAIGE: For all the world to work as one, in harmony it must be undone. (Billie gets to her feet just as she glows gold. The belt unlocks and slips off her waist. It falls to the floor. Billie changes back to her regular college- girl self.) (Zira watches them warily.) PAIGE: Belt! (The belt orbs from the floor and around Zira's waist.) ZIRA: Uh-oh. (Piper shrugs.) (The power in the belt glows and Zira explodes - belt and all.) (Paige sighs.) (Piper steps forward, a potions bottle in her hand.) PIPER: All right. Come out, come out, wherever you are. (She tosses the potions bottle and hits Leo in the chest making him visible again. He smiles at her.) PIPER: (smiling back) Huh. It's nice to see you. LEO: It's good to be seen. BILLIE JENKINS: (confused) What happened? PAIGE: Leo, uh, just saved your life. PHOEBE: Yin/yang working together, just like it should be. (Billie sighs. Piper and Leo look at each other.) PIPER: Good job, Yang. LEO: Thanks, Yin. (They chuckle as they kiss.) (Billie smiles. Piper and Leo break apart, turn and smile back at them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. POLICE STATION (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. POLICE STATION - CORRIDOR -- NIGHT] (The elevator bell dings and the doors open. Henry leads Speed back to the station's bullpen.) (They pass an officer with a hand-cuff man exiting the bullpen. Henry stops in the corridor and takes his cell phone out.) SPEED: What are we doing? (He dials.) HENRY MITCHELL: Yeah, Inspector. It's Henry. By any chance did that kid Donnie have a knife on him when he was arrested? It had blood on it? No, no, no. It's nothing. I was just curious. Thanks. (He hangs up.) (to Speed) Turn around. SPEED: What's up? (Henry uncuffs him.) HENRY MITCHELL: I'm letting you go. That's what's up. SPEED: Wait. So you mean you believe me? HENRY MITCHELL: (nods) This time. Go. (The elevator doors open and Speed gets inside. Henry watches as the doors close.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - NIGHT] CUE SOUND: (PRE-LAP) PHONE RINGING [INT. MANOR - PAIGE'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT] (Paige is in bed. She reaches over and answers the phone.) PAIGE: (to phone) Hello. HENRY: (from phone) So do you want cash, or can I send you a check? (Paige sits up in bed.) PAIGE: Henry? INTERCUT WITH: [INT. HENRY'S CAR (PARKED) - NIGHT] (Henry leans against his parked car.) HENRY MITCHELL: You were right about the kid. He was clean. PAIGE: How did you get my number? HENRY MITCHELL: Oh, you're not the only one with connections. PAIGE: I see. HENRY MITCHELL: Hey, Speed owes you. I -- I owe you, too. PAIGE: Just doing my job. HENRY MITCHELL: Well ... good night. PAIGE: Good night. (He hangs up and closes his phone.) (Paige hangs up and closes her phone. She smiles as she burrows down under her covers.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. P-3 (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. P-3 -- NIGHT] (Phoebe and Piper carry their drinks over to the alcove where Billie sits with her own drink.) PIPER: (to Billie) That better be a virgin colada. I don't wanna lose my license the same night I land Liz Phair. BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, don't worry. I think I've caused enough trouble for you guys for one day. PHOEBE: You were bound to turn into something eventually. BILLIE JENKINS: Yeah. But Wonder Witch? Not to mention I almost terminated an entire gender. PHOEBE: Yeah, but the point is you didn't. PIPER: Thankfully. BILLIE JENKINS: Yeah, I just wish I still wasn't so confused about men. PHOEBE: Don't worry. They're just as confused about us. BILLIE JENKINS: I know, but I'm still a little gun-shy. PHOEBE: It's okay. You have time. EMCEE: Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together. Welcome to P-3 Liz Phair! BILLIE JENKINS: I still can't believe Leo got her. PIPER: (shrugs) Yeah, you know. Guys. Golf. Go figure. PHOEBE: To the mystery of men. (They toast.) LYRICS: I'm so far, far, so far away from it now that it seems like I may never know how people stay in love for half of their lives it's a secret they keep between the husbands and wives baby, there goes somebody's miracle walkin' down the street there goes some other fairy tale I wish it could happen to me (The guy standing over at the bar smiles at Billie. She smiles back. Phoebe smiles knowingly at Billie causing her to blush.) LYRICS: but I look at myself and I think, what the hell? Maybe I'm just too na ve to have such faith in myself you know, I'm prayin' for it (Camera holds on Billie.)

While helping Agent Brody by reading through some cold cases that Homeland Security has on hand, Billie inadvertently puts on a belt she found and is granted superhero powers that can turn the sexes against one another. As a result, she comes under the power of a power hungry female demon who plans to use Billie's new powers to gain female domination the world over. As Piper tries to book a headlining musical act to perform at P3, Paige gets a new charge that causes her to cross paths with a new love interest.

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fd_Schitt_s_Creek_01x12_0

David: Nope. Nope. Alexis: Huh? David: N... Nope. Nope. (Knock at the door) David: No. No. No. Johnny: Kids, just came in to remind you to keep Saturday open. What's Saturday? What's Saturday? It's your mother's birthday. Alexis: No... her birthday is the second weekend in May. That's mother's day, honey. Alexis: I don't think so. David: I just don't think that this is the year to be doing something big. Oh, why? Because we're here, in this town? All the more reason to do something. Alexis: Um... I actually agree with David. Um... plus, I'm gonna be in Chicago this weekend. Johnny: You're what? Alexis: Ted's taking me. We've been planning this for a super long time, so. David: Well, can I come? Alexis: No. Johnny: Okay, here's a newsflash for both of you. You're not going anywhere and we're planning a surprise party for your mother. David: (Laughs) No. That's not... That's not a good idea. That's not a good idea? Where would you even throw a party like that in this town? I don't know. I haven't thought that through yet. Maybe Roland's house. Listen to the words coming out of your mouth. Then you plan it. David: What? No! Alexis: Oh, snap, David! Johnny: Talk to the hand, son, because the ears are no longer working. Oh my God. 'Kay, that's not at all how that works, so... Cancel your trip, Alexis, because the travel agent is out of the office. Alexis: It's so uncomfortable when he does stuff like that. David: No. Absolutely not. Alexis: I feel so weird about it. (Birds chirp) And on Saturday, we have the afternoon off, so I booked us... a Chicago's best deep dish pizza tour. Alexis: Oh my God. Well, that's probably gonna have to change, but what else did you book for us? Uh, well, we're staying at the Clarendon Executive Suites and apartments downtown. Alexis: Oh my God. Ted: Got upgraded. Alexis: Does that mean room service?! Ted: Yeah. Alexis: Babe! (Door opens) David: Hi! Alexis: Hey. David: Had an idea for mom's stupid surprise party thing. Alexis: Oh, yeah, yeah. David: What if we told her that it was a fund-raiser? She'd have to say yes, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Cause she'd have to come then, right? Totally, totally, yeah. David: She loves the fundraisers and... Alexis: She loves them. Ted: Wait. When's the big party? Oh, it's this... Saturday. Alexis, did you not tell Ted about your change of plans? David, I told you that I couldn't come... Ted: It's this Saturday? Alexis: To that. Yeah. But, David, I did tell you that I... Won't be able to attend, so... Ted: Well, Lex, I mean... You can't miss your own mother's surprise party. I am with... I'm with Ted on this one. But, babe, you're going to... A veterinary conference in a Chicago suburb and I think that's... that's really important for us. Yeah, I know. Here's just the thing about our mom: She'll be really devastated if Alexis doesn't come, and I'm sure you're from a really solid home and... Alexis: David... David: Understand. (Quietly) I'm gonna slap you in the face. Um... but babe, what about the um... The travelling pizza tour that was so... yeah, and I'm also gonna need you to ask Mutt for the barn 'cause I'm thinking of heading in that sort of aesthetic direction for the party. Um, and I know that you guys have a close working relationship, so... No. No. Sweetie, there will be other conferences. I really think that you need to be here for this. Me too. David, you and mom literally ruin my life. (Vacuum whirs) Johnny: Roland! Roland: Hey! Johnny Rose! (Turns vacuum off) How are you? Johnny: I'm good! Roland: Good. Johnny: Listen. Need a big favour. Roland: Sure. Johnny: Saturday is Moira's birthday and we want to throw her a surprise party. Oh! So, we need an excuse to get her all dressed up and out of the house. Well, dinner at our place. Problem solved. Johnny: Well... tempting, but it's gotta be something fancy and, uh, elegant. You know, black tie. So we're thinking maybe Jocelyn is throwing her "annual charity fundraiser." She hasn't mentioned anything to me about it. Why would she mention it? (Dry chuckle) Well, Johnny, uh... If she's planning a fundraiser, I think Jocelyn would mention something about it to her husband. It's not a real fundraiser, Roland. It's just a pretend fundraiser to get Moira out of the house. You see, I-I could tell her about it myself, but she would catch on because it falls on the same night as her birthday, so she's gotta hear about the fundraiser from someone who doesn't know it's her birthday. Okay, so then you want me to find somebody who doesn't know. Johnny: No. I want you to tell her. But that doesn't make any sense. I know it's her birthday. You only know it's her birthday because I just told you it's her birthday. Moira doesn't know you know it's her birthday. Roland I won't tell her. Johnny: Why would you tell her? I won't tell her is what I'm saying to you. I won't tell her, so don't worry about it. Okay, but now I am worried. I am worried... now. Look, I'm taking Moira out for coffees. We're going up to the caf , okay, this afternoon. Roland: Uh-huh. Johnny: And that would be a great time for you to stop by and drop the information about the fundraiser. Tell me you understand the plan. Yes, Johnny, I understand the plan! Jeez! And I don't appreciate being talked to like a child! Johnny: Okay, I'm sorry. Roland- Well, I'm sorry. It's a little demeaning. Look, I'm sorry. It's just so important. This is really important. I wanna make sure you understand the plan. Okay! I understand, all right? Okay. I just think it's awfully short notice to start planning a fundraiser. (Yelling) There is no fundraiser! Roland: Right. No fundraiser. Johnny: It's pretend! Pretend. It's fun time. (Door opens and closes) David: So I... am gonna need a lift to Elmdale. What does it look like I'm doing? I don't know, nothing? I'm working. David: Oh, you are? Stevie: Yes. I have a job that I just can't leave to drive you to Elmdale. Okay... yeah, and I totally respect that. It's just that I found a Ganache Torte in Elmdale and I really need to pick it up before my mom's birthday thing, so... I work until six. Okay, but like is anyone checking in this afternoon? Stevie: It's a cake. David: It's a torte! Um... is there something going on? You could always just hitch-hike? And wake up chained to a pole in a trucker's basement? Not today. Well, I'm working... At my job, so I can't just up and leave because you want cake. Okay. Well, when you put it like that, it makes me sound ridiculous... Um... which I'm not. So... thank you... (Annoyed laugh) For your services this afternoon. (Door opens and bangs shut) (Birds chirp) (Music plays quietly, door bells jingle) Roland: Hey! Hey... sorry I'm late, Johnny. Had a little memorizing... To do. Late for... late for what, Roland? I don't know what you mean? For Jocelyn's big shindig. I'm here to personally invite the two of you to, um, a um... annual, um, elegant dress-up event that Jocelyn is hosting. Um... well, no, I'm not inviting you, but I'm saying we're... We'll see each other there... At the very big event that Jocelyn is hosting. The whole town will go to this event. They'll all be dressed up and um... Did I did I say that it's a fundraiser? Oh, sorry, Johnny. Let me start over here. Why are you apologizing to me? You don't have to apologize to me. No, no. It's a fundraiser for the thing with the... Children that... The-with the mouth... Uh, cleft palates, and um... Joc' does it every year- well, uh, Roland, you know what? We're-we're... Probably just gonna be hanging around the... motel on Saturday, you know. Roland: Yeah, no, I'm sure. It's uh... Hard to look at those kids and all that, I get it. But you know what? We'll dress them up too. Moira: Put us down for four tickets. Johnny: Really. Moira: Oh yes, it's the least we can do to support Jocelyn's philanthropic endeavours. Oh! Okay. Roland: Well, I'm sure Jocelyn would really appreciate it. Well, listen, thank you, Roland, for that. Roland: You're welcome. (Whispers loudly) I think that went well! Johnny: Okay, thank you. Roland: Okay. So I guess I'll see you soon then, Johnny. Yeah... bye-bye. Roland: Yes, goodbye, Johnny. (Sign thumps on ground, car speeds by) (Horn blasts, tires squeal) Oh, sorry! Ugh! Could you be going any faster? Mutt: Well, we should put that up quick. Alexis: Um... so we're planning this surprise for my mom that's totally not gonna work and I'm supposed to ask you if we can borrow your barn. But if you can't take the night off from bedding women, I totally... understand. Well, who says I can't do both? (Car rumbles nearby) You had a bug in your hair. Oh. (Laughs) Ew! (Door opens) (Car rumbles) Moira: Jocelyn! Jocelyn: Moira, hi! Moira: Jocelyn, I'm so glad I've run into you. Roland was mentioning your fundraiser earlier today and it got me thinking... Jocelyn: My what? Your annual fundraiser for the children with troubled mouths. Oh, right. Yes. It's gonna be q-quite a night. I hope so, 'cause I'd like to be involved. Jocelyn: With...? Moira: Your fundraiser. As I'm sure you know, I was on the board of some of the most profitable not-profits, from San Francisco to London. And after speaking with Roland, I realized I was remiss not to gift you with my wealth of experience. Wow! That's very generous of you, Moira. I was gonna ask you, but I didn't wanna impose. Jocelyn, you must stop being intimidated by me. It's unnerving. Jocelyn: Sorry. Moira: No, it's fine. Just say thank you. Jocelyn: Thank you? Moira: There you go! My pleasure! Oh, (Bleep)! What do you mean, you didn't get the cake? David: The only Chocolate Ganache cake I could find, was in Elmdale, and I asked Stevie to drive me but she said no because I think she's going through something right now. Moira: David! David: I don't know. Something with her body. Moira: David, I need you. I was speaking to Jocelyn about this fundraiser she's apparently organizing- Johnny: Whoa-whoa, you-you were talking to Jocelyn? Moira: Yes, about the fundraiser, and the poor thing looked like a deer caught in the headlights. And I cannot stand by and watch this woman drive a perfectly worthy cause into the ground. So, David, you and I... We're gonna help her. David: Okay. I asked you to get her invited to the fundraiser, not involved in the fundraiser. Johnny: The fundraiser was your idea! You didn't think your mother would get involved in planning a fundraiser? My God, she had Hilary shaking last year at the Clinton foundation dinner. God! Roland. Roland. Stupid Roland. David: Roland?! How did Roland get involved in this? I got him involved, it was a bad mistake, okay? But look, it'll be fine. I will get the cake with your sister. All you've gotta do is keep your mother under control. The North Korean army could not keep my mother under control when it comes to event planning. [SCENE_BREAK] (Johnny snores) (Country music plays on the radio) (Hard bump) Johnny: What? Huh? Oh! (Sighs) How long was I sleeping? Alexis: I dunno, like forty-five maybe. Johnny: Oh? (Sighs) Where are we? Alexis: Um, we're almost there. The last sign I saw said "exit Elmdale," so... I haven't seen it yet, but... We should be getting there soon. The last sign said "exit Elmdale?" Mm-hmm. Johnny: Well, that was the exit to Elmdale. We've gone too far, we've gotta turn back! Alexis: But you were sleeping! Johnny: Well, wake me up! Alexis: No! Because you're so grumpy when you wake- like you're grumpy right now. Johnny: Oh?! Alexis: Oh! (Huffs) (Birds chirp) Jocelyn: Well, Moira, in regards to the decorations, David was kind enough to offer me an incredibly long list of the things to stay away from. Moira: Darling, one does not just stick a red nose on it and call it an event. There is an order to these things. Ronnie: Okay, here we go. Moira: Again, what is the organization that it's for? The surgeons... Uh...the doctors who un-cleft the mouths. Never heard of it. And who are the trustees? David: I don't think they're gonna come. Oh, how very churlish of them. How much are tickets? Jocelyn: Um... free? David: We haven't figured out the ticket price yet. Ronnie: I'm not paying for this thing. Oh my God! Do you people know what the word fundraising means? Ronnie: Why don't you leave that up to us. Moira: Jocelyn, I need your timeline and your checklist. Your plan book. Jocelyn: Well, we have a plan. It's just we haven't... You know, we're just, we're still working- David: Listen, Jocelyn is doing the best that she can... Considering what little Jocelyn has to work with. Moira: David, personal comments are in bad taste. Okay, I'm trying to make sense of these flowers. David: What is wrong with the flowers? They're seasonal and they... Tie in all of the other design elements that Jocelyn has come up with. Moira: David, I'm sorry, but it's coup d' tat time. If we don't force Jocelyn to step down this moment, I don't know how we're gonna pull of this nightmare. Ronnie: Why don't you just sit this one out then? And you are? So... David? (Decoration thumps lightly) (Flabbergasted) I see. Clearly you don't need the help of the most prominent philanthropist in the country. No. Fine. I wish you all the best. (Silence) No, seriously, I might leave. (Silence) Okay, last warning. In three... two... (Silence) Oh my God. (Receding footsteps) (Door creaks open, bangs shut) Jocelyn: Well, I think she is gonna be really surprised... don't you? (Birds chirp) (Infomercial plays) Man: Nine ninety-nine. And I'm telling you, you can't go wrong. You go into a jewellery store, you're gonna spend thousands. Woman: We have made it so simple... David: (Sighs) Moira: Oh, David, I don't know how you don't go mad with those people. David: Well, those people are... Putting a lot of energy into raising money for those kids. Jump ship. Save yourself. Okay, I'm gonna ask you to put some pieces together here for me. We are throwing a "fundraiser" that just so happens to be on the same night as your birthday. Must you rub it in? We're throwing a "fundraiser" on your birthday. Now you're just being cruel. The fundraiser isn't real. It's not a real thing. Oh... you're planning a birthday thing... Mm-hmm. That I'm not supposed to know about. Mm-mm. In a barn? We can't afford the candles. They're $2.49. They don't just come with the cake? Johnny: No, apparently not. Like matches when you buy cigarettes? Johnny: You smoke? Alexis: Um... no. Can't we just ask them to give them to us? This is not some co-op commune, Alexis. You know, if there's a price tag on it, you gotta pay for it. Not if you just... take them. Well, that would be low bottom behavior, wouldn't it? Okay, well, how do you think I got these glasses from the gas station? You stole sunglasses?! Alexis: Yeah! It's a gas station. Johnny: Oh my God, I raised a thief. Go wait in the car! Wait in the car while I pay for this. Alexis: Ugh! (Receding footsteps) (Door opens and closes) Bakery clerk: Hi. Johnny: Hi. Johnny Rose. I ordered a birthday cake. Yeah, Chocolate Ganache? Johnny: That's right. (Music plays quietly) Boy, it smells uh... So delicious in here. (Birds and crickets chirp, light breeze blows) Alexis: (Laughs) Whoa! Thank you. Johnny: There we go, my dear. Moira: Wait, wait, wait. One last check. Gorgeous. Perfection. Like your father the day I married him. Look at us, the Roses, attending this town's most illustrious fundraising gala. David: (Whispers) I think you're overselling it just a bit. Well, I don't see any stragglers, so shall we go in? I think we're fashionably late enough. Alexis: There's nothing fashionable about this, but- after you, my dear. Moira: Where are all the patrons? Johnny: Well, I don't know. Do we have the wrong night? (Lights click on) Everyone: Surprise! (Over-the-top shock) What?! There's no fundraiser?! You're just here to celebrate me? Oh, never in the history of surprises has one been so delightfully blindsided. (Laughs) Moira: Darling... Jocelyn: Oh... Okay, who told her? (Music plays) ... the time is on our side this is what we've got tonight this is what we've got tonight Dancers: Whew! Woo-hoo! (Giggles) (Guests chatter and laugh, "The Tennessee Waltz" plays) David: Oh, hi. Stevie: So your party's a big success. David: Mm. Mm-hmm. - Stevie: Congratulations. David: Yeah, thank you. Stevie: Your mom sure seemed surprised. David: Yeah, my mom was... Very surprised. And you got your cake. Yeah, remember this cake? I'd asked you to... Help me get it. Yeah, so... I need to apologize for my behavior earlier. Mm-hmm. I think it's just that this whole- it's that lady time, huh? Stevie: Friend thing... David: Oh. Is proving to be a bit tricky and I think that in building that barrier up, I may have... built it a little high. Okay. Um... well, if the barrier's come down, can two friends dance? Is that okay? Uh... I normally only slow dance with strangers, at bars... David: Right. Stevie: After I've had a few... Uh-huh. But um... I can make an exception. Okay. 'Cause I lost my little darling... David: Let's dance. Stevie: Okay. ... the night they were playing that beautiful Tennessee waltz Hey! Um... you look really... Amazing. Well, I didn't wanna be the only one not wearing a suit. Um, did you have to kill a man to get it, or...? Mutt: I did. Alexis: (Laughs) It took me a couple to find one in my size. But um... you clean up well. Ugh! Barely. I wore this thing to prom like a thousand years ago, but... it did bring me some luck that night, so I wore it here tonight. You were planning on getting lucky tonight? (Laughs) So um... where is Ted? (Chuckles uncomfortably) Um... he is at um... Like a... a conference or something tonight, so... Do you wanna dance? Yes... I do. Ted: Alexis! Alexis: Ted?! Ted: Hey! (Kiss) Alexis: What're you doing here? Well, I had someone take my last seminar. I didn't wanna miss this. Hey, man. Hey. Ted: Come on, let's dance. Great suit, bud. Thanks. (Guests chatter, music plays) Killed somebody for it. Strangers in the night... Exchanging glances... Wondering in the night... Moira: Oh, I love my party, John. But please don't ever do it again. Well, the surprise was on me 'cause this town cleaned itself up pretty well. Moira: Mm-hmm. Something in your eyes was so inviting something in your smile was so exciting What? Something in my heart told me I must have you... Strangers in the night... Hey! [Breathless] W... we're getting out. [Screeching laughter] Oh, my God.

Johnny wants to throw Moira a surprise birthday party, but complications develop when Moira takes over the planning, thinking the party is really a fundraiser.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_04x03

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_04x03_0

The Smugglers 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1. THE CHURCH CRYPT (The series theme music ends. The serial title appears on the screen over the image of SQUIRE'S hand, which is holding a pistol pointed at BEN.) THE SMUGGLERS (The serial title fades out. The writer credit appears.) by BRIAN HAYLES (The writer credit fades out. The episode title appears.) (The episode title fades out. The scene changes to a full view of the crypt.) (As BEN was about to leave the bound BLAKE behind in the crypt to go look for POLLY and the DOCTOR, he is stopped by the arrival of the SQUIRE, PIKE, CHERUB and POLLY, who is still bound as well. The SQUIRE holds out a pistol pointed at BEN.) SQUIRE: Recaptured again, eh lad? We'll have no tricks this time. BEN: He's the bloke that kidnapped the Doctor. PIKE: Wrong, lad. Don't deface the character of my dear friend. BEN: Look, Squire, why can't you believe this... SQUIRE: Hold your tongue! You're vagabonds, both of you, not to be trusted. Bind them, eh? CHERUB: Ah. (begins to tie up BEN and POLLY together to one of the crypt's pillars) BEN: What about this one? He's a right villain. SQUIRE: Hmm? These gentlemen are honest merchants. BLAKE: (Calling from below in the crypt.) Squire! Squire! (The SQUIRE walks down the stairs and looks for the source of the voice.) BLAKE: Here! SQUIRE: Blake! (Shocked.) What the blazes are you doing here? BLAKE: I'd be obliged if you'd release me, sir, before asking questions of me. SQUIRE: (Flustered.) Aye, certainly, but, ah, I have no knife. One moment. (The SQUIRE goes back up the stairs to PIKE and CHERUB.) SQUIRE: This Blake is a revenue man. There's trouble afoot. CHERUB: Should I...? (CHERUB is pulling out his knife.) PIKE: Nay, Mister Cherub, hold fast. (To SQUIRE.) What does he know? SQUIRE: Nothing. PIKE: Well, use him! Let him take these prisoners, as is his duty. SQUIRE: Aye, and then we're free of them. BLAKE: (Calling from below.) Squire, won't you release me, sir? PIKE: Cut him free, Mister Cherub. SQUIRE: Aye, release him. (To BEN.) You've laid hands upon one of the king's revenue men, Josiah Blake. BEN: But we thought he was the murderer. SQUIRE: Be silent, sir! (To Blake.) These pretty young vagabonds have murdered my Churchwarden. BLAKE: Joe Longfoot? SQUIRE: None other. They must be therefore taken to prison, and as magistrate I place this duty upon you. BLAKE: I am a revenue man, sir, not your sheriff. SQUIRE: Nevertheless, you will do as I say. BLAKE: I am on orders from the king, sir, for the apprehension of smugglers. CHERUB: Could they not be smugglers too? SQUIRE: Aye, indeed. What say you? BLAKE: Aye, they could be. BEN: Look, we haven't done a thing. We didn't kill anyone. We haven't smuggled anything. Look, sir, you can take our word for it. CHERUB: Their tongues waggle o'er much for my ears. SQUIRE: Aye, agreed. BLAKE: Very well, I will take them with me. Thank you for saving me from these rogues. They will get the treatment they deserve. SQUIRE: Take my pistol. They're wily knaves. BLAKE: Oh, thank you, Squire. Alright. (Blake begins ushering BEN and POLLY out of the crypt.) Good day to you, Squire. (Back to POLLY and BEN.) Alright, move, villains! (BLAKE, POLLY and BEN leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. PIKE'S CABIN (The DOCTOR and KEWPER sit at the table, guarded over by JAMAICA.) DOCTOR: Now, sir, I hope this works. You may pick up any five cards. KEWPER: (Counting under his breath.) Aye...one...two...three...four... five. (KEWPER picks up the cards and hands them to the DOCTOR while JAMAICA looks on curiously.) DOCTOR: Do you, ah, wish me to tell you? KEWPER: Aye! I have no fear of what lies therein. DOCTOR: Ah, such brave words, my friend, brave words. But these cards hold the secret to your life or death. JAMAICA: I can tell you that without cards. Death! DOCTOR: Do not mock that which you do not understand. KEWPER: Oh, come, old man. Tell me what the future holds. Read the cards. DOCTOR: Very well, my friend, very well. Be it on your own head. (The DOCTOR begins looking over the cards very dramatically, and JAMAICA leans over his shoulder to get a better view.) DOCTOR: Oh, beware. Stand back! Or you will affect the cards. JAMAICA: Ah. DOCTOR: Hmm. Yes, yes, yes, that's very strange, hmm, hmm. And very disturbing. KEWPER: What do these cards mean? DOCTOR: Well, I'm afraid they're rather unpleasant. Yes, the first one, ah, represents yourself, ah, innkeeper. (The Doctor holds up a card, apparently a Jack.) KEWPER: I am no knave, sir! DOCTOR: Well, the cards have it so, sir. Huh, huh. (JAMAICA chuckles, his interest growing.) DOCTOR: And the second is master Cherub. JAMAICA: See a dagger? That's Cherub right enough. DOCTOR: The third is the king. The blackest villain of them all. KEWPER: Next, the ace? DOCTOR: Yes, and that is death itself. JAMAICA: The Captain. KEWPER: What, Pike? Ah, and this one, the jack of diamonds, what is he? DOCTOR: Well, I'm afraid I have no idea about that, sir, but, ah, I can assure you he will triumph in the end. Hmm, hmm, hmm. (JAMAICA gasps in amazement.) KEWPER: Ah, 'tis all madness. DOCTOR: Well, you may call it what you wish. I know it's only cards, but eh, sometimes they tell the truth. JAMAICA: About any man, like me? DOCTOR: Oh, yes indeed. Yes, yes! Aren't you afraid? JAMAICA: Me? Jamaica ain't afraid. DOCTOR: Very well then, my friend, shuffle for yourself and let's see them reveal your own fate. Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. (While JAMAICA leans in close and concentrates on shuffling the cards, KEWPER strikes him over the head and knocks him unconscious.) DOCTOR: Well done, innkeeper. Now a rope! Tie him up. (The Doctor chuckles while they tie up JAMAICA.) KEWPER: A... a guileful trick, Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes, perhaps, perhaps, yes. KEWPER: It was a trick, was it not? DOCTOR: No time for idle speculation. We have to get away from this boat as soon as we can. KEWPER: 'Twill not be easy without being seen. DOCTOR: Yes, our only chance. KEWPER: Then we must try. DOCTOR: Yes, and we've got to hurry if I'm to help my friends. KEWPER: But first we must seek the aid of the Squire. DOCTOR: Yes, because he has them prisoner, hmm. KEWPER: But he is the magistrate. He was but doing his duty. Once is he... he is informed, he will let them free. No doubt of that. DOCTOR: Yes, I think you're quite right, yes. It's better to have the law on our side, isn't it? KEWPER: In these dark days honesty surely pays. DOCTOR: Yes, well, ah, I hope your fortune turns out alright, my friend. Hmm, hmm... [SCENE_BREAK] 3. DECK OF THE BLACK ALBATROSS (The DOCTOR and KEWPER emerge from below deck and creep carefully to KEWPER's boat.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. EXTERIOR OF THE CHURCH (PIKE, CHERUB and the SQUIRE stand by the entrance to the church.) SQUIRE: (Laughing.) I feel well free of these vagabonds. PIKE: Such guile and wisdom, eh Mister Cherub? A master of men, no less. CHERUB: Indeed, sir, a kid glove upon an iron hand. PIKE: I wish it were always so easy to, eh, guide the officers of the revenue. (They laugh.) But I have not the quickness of wit of ye, Squire. CHERUB: Such subtle ways gladden my soul. SQUIRE: Indeed, if one has the brains, 'tis pity they be not used, eh? PIKE: Rid of both law and villainy. Indeed sir Squire, I find myself trusting ye more and more. (While they talk they move until they stand around a tomb.) CHERUB: With you to lead us, sir, all fears are dispelled. How can we fail? SQUIRE: Indeed, we cannot. But I would surprise you more. PIKE: How is that, sir Squire? SQUIRE: Why, like this. (The SQUIRE presses a decoration on the grave which conceals a secret switch, and the top of it slides open revealing a store of smuggled goods.) SQUIRE: The grave holds it's secrets, eh? PIKE: But few as worldly as this, eh? SQUIRE: Silks, tobacco and brandy, Captain. (Laughs.) This is our immediate cache, you understand. PIKE: Aye? Then where are we to place our merchandise? SQUIRE: Why, upon the beach where you'll be met. CHERUB: Whyfore not here? SQUIRE: This is our domain, the sea is yours. Our routes and methods must remain our own. But have no fear, (Laughs.) this will be emptied before tomorrow's tide. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. OUTSIDE THE SQUIRE'S HALL PIKE: Tomorrow night, then, sir, at the time arranged. SQUIRE: Yes, a small beacon will be lit upon the shore at two past twelve. There you'll be met. PIKE: What if there is any danger? SQUIRE: A second fire will be lit close by. PIKE: Why then, we are suited. Except for payment. SQUIRE: Oh, that's soon settled. Not here, not now. Over wine and food, what say you? (PIKE and the SQUIRE walk off together. Cherub is watching them from his hiding place in a nearby bush.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. THE STABLES AT THE INN (BLAKE leads the still bound POLLY and BEN into the stables. He takes off BEN's gag, and BEN grunts with relief. To their amazement, BLAKE then begins to untie BEN.) BEN: Ay. POLLY: What are you doing? BLAKE: Well is it not obvious? BEN: Well yeah, but why release us, mate? BLAKE: I know... BEN: Whose side are you on? BLAKE: I know you not, but of your tale and the Squire's, I would rather trust your word than his. POLLY: Well, thank goodness somebody believes us. Ah, can you untie me then? BLAKE: Aye. BEN: Yeah, I was getting worried. BLAKE: I have not said I hold you in complete trust. BEN: Oh no, I know, because we're strangers. Anyway, mate, as long as you're against the Squire and those other two layabouts, we're with you. POLLY: But why don't you trust the Squire? BLAKE: Word of mouth has it that the Squire rules the smuggling ring, but as yet I have no proof. BEN: What, can we help? BLAKE: No, no. This calls for armed men. POLLY: Armed men? Are you expecting something to happen? BLAKE: Did you not observe the two men who were with the Squire? Seamen, both. BEN: Sailors? POLLY: Bringing goods for smuggling! BLAKE: Aye, more than likely. And soon. This night or tomorrow, they will land their goods. BEN: And then you'll be there and nab them! BLAKE: Only if I can get men in time. Otherwise I can do nothing. POLLY: But if these two sailors were smugglers, what would they want with the Doctor? BEN: Who knows? He's got a funny way of landing himself right in it all the time. BLAKE: This friend of yours, the one you call the Doctor, is he a... a learned man? BEN: Oh, not half. BLAKE: Ah, more's the pity. A soldier or a mercenary at this point would be mighty advantageous. POLLY: The Doctor may not be a soldier, but he's jolly crafty at getting himself out of trouble. At least he was when we were in London. BEN: Yeah. DOCTOR: (Entering and surprising them all.) Yes, and why not here, my dear? BEN and POLLY: Doctor! POLLY: What happened to you? Where did they take you? How did you escape? DOCTOR: Oh, my dear child, my dear child, control yourself. Let it suffice that I did escape in the company of Kewper. You remember, the innkeeper? BEN: But he's in with the Squire. DOCTOR: Yes, that's right. Yes, yeh, eh... (The DOCTOR is distracted as KEWPER enters, and he goes to talk with him.) BLAKE: Kewper is thought to be deeply involved, and he knows me. (BLAKE steps back into the shadows as the DOCTOR brings KEWPER into the conversation.) KEWPER: We came to rescue you lads. We know who killed the Churchwarden. POLLY: Who did, then? KEWPER: Well, the villain they call Cherub. (BLAKE comes back into view.) BLAKE: The villain who is now involved in more villainy with your Squire. KEWPER: Ay, Mister Blake! POLLY: It's true. And what's more, Mister Blake knows that Ben and I are innocent and it's you and Squire that are... BEN: No, Polly! (KEWPER draws a pistol.) KEWPER: It's a trap you set for me, is it? Did I but know that you were a revenue spy... BLAKE: No, master Kewper. KEWPER: Stand from me, I say. Aye, Doctor, but that you saved me from death I'd slay you now. But the next time we meet, look not for pity then. (KEWPER leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. OUTSIDE THE STABLES (KEWPER mounts a horse and begins to ride off. BLAKE comes out of the stables after him.) KEWPER: Take that! BLAKE: Stop in the name of the law! (KEWPER fires a shot over his shoulder at BLAKE, who is forced to duck for cover. KEWPER rides away unhindered.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. PIKE'S CABIN JAMAICA: Captain, they tricked me into it. I swear it was no fault of mine. PIKE: Aargh, ye black-souled scum! Escaped! JAMAICA: But, Captain. PIKE: I'll tear your liver out and feed it to the sharks, ye sea slime. (PIKE throws JAMAICA to the ground.) JAMAICA: It was the old man, Captain. He cast a spell on me, I swear it. PIKE: I'll cast a spell on ye, me pretty death's-head. A spell that'll run from ear to ear. Escaped! JAMAICA: 'Twas the black arts, Captain. PIKE: Aaghr. JAMAICA: Spare me, Captain. Spare me. PIKE: I'll keelhaul ye from here to Port Royal. Where did they make for? JAMAICA: I know, Captain. I know. PIKE: Then speak, boy, while ye still have breath. JAMAICA: I heard them speak, Captain. They said about going to see the Squire. PIKE: Ah, that buffoon, what good'll he be to them? JAMAICA: They said that he was the law. PIKE: Aye, had he a will he'd call the militia, but I doubt he'll do that. JAMAICA: Captain, do you think he would lay a trap? PIKE: It follows, Jamaica. JAMAICA: So we have to surprise them, Captain. PIKE: Ye speak straight, Jamaica. They expect us tomorrow night at two of the clock. JAMAICA: Then, we must go tonight at one. PIKE: Jamaica, you'd have made a fine skipper but you're short on guile. Any dark of the night they'll expect us. We'll spike 'em. We'll land by day. Some will go direct to the church and loot the smugglers horde. Me and Cherub will seek Avery's gold. JAMAICA: Aye, Captain, plunder the inn, the village, and the Squire's fine hall. PIKE: Aye, 'twill be a merry night, but not for ye. (PIKE takes out his knife and turns on JAMAICA.) JAMAICA: Captain. Captain. I beg thee. No! No! No! Ahh! (JAMAICA cries out as he is stabbed.) PIKE: Fare ye well Jamaica. (Pike uses a handkerchief to wipe the blood from his knife blade an and drops it on Jamaica's body.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9.THE DECK OF THE ALBATROSS PIKE: Cherub! Cherub! Where in blazes of Hell are you? Cherub! (To a sailor.) Where's Cherub? Speak, boy. SAILOR: Not aboard, Captain. Not aboard. PIKE: Not aboard? Where in Satan's name is he? [SCENE_BREAK] 10. THE INN (The DOCTOR, BEN, POLLY and BLAKE are exchanging details of the situation.) DOCTOR: Pike intends to sack the old church, and at the same time search for Avery's treasure. BLAKE: Indeed? Strange secrets, these. But when? DOCTOR: Well, I can't be exact, sir, but pretty soon. I should say tonight or tomorrow night. BLAKE: Ah, then help is desperately needed if these pirates are to be thwarted. DOCTOR: Yes, especially if, as Kewper thinks, that, eh, the village will be pillaged and burnt too. BEN: Ay, what for? BLAKE: 'Tis Pike's way. Death is second nature to him. DOCTOR: Yes, at least the smugglers will have prior knowledge of Pike's plan now that Kewper has escaped. BLAKE: If they're at each other's throats, this should give me the time I need to get men and arms. DOCTOR: Yes, be off with you, sir. BLAKE: Aye. (BLAKE walks to the door and calls through it.) BLAKE: Stable boy! Here, I say! POLLY: Perhaps they'll just fight it out between them. BLAKE: No, no, when their blood is up nothing will stand before them. (Tom enters.) BLAKE: Stable boy, get me my horse, quickly. Quickly, I say! Pray God I'll be back soon enough. (BLAKE leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. OUTSIDE THE INN (BLAKE mounts his horse and rides away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12. INSIDE THE INN BEN: Well, we can leave this place anytime we like. POLLY: We can't get down to the cave until next low tide. DOCTOR: Oh, my child, explain yourself. BEN: Well, Doctor, in the crypt at the old church there's this secret passage. DOCTOR: Oh yes, you mean that place where the revenue man came out of? BEN: Yeah, but you don't know where it leads to -- smack down to where the TARDIS is! So all we've got to do is get back to the old church, go down the passage, and we're away, mates. POLLY: Oh, thank goodness for that. DOCTOR: Eh. BEN: What's the trouble, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, I'm afraid, my boy, we can't leave at the moment. POLLY: What? But why not? DOCTOR: Yes, well I know it's really difficult for both you to understand, but I'm under moral obligation. BEN: Well, about what? We've got no ties here. DOCTOR: Well, it's this village. I feel that I might be responsible for it's destruction. And therefore I must at least try and avoid this danger until Blake comes back. BEN: Yeah, but you heard what Blake said. We wouldn't stand a chance against Pike's mob. They're a right bunch of yobbos. POLLY: We wouldn't stand a chance. DOCTOR: Ah, wouldn't we, my dear? Hmm, hmm, hmm. BEN: Well, what does that mean? DOCTOR: Well, you seem to forget, young man, that I've already met Pike, and I know something that he doesn't -- the clue to the treasure. Hmm, hmm, hmm. POLLY: So, the poor old churchwarden did tell you something. BEN: Oh, what are you up to now? DOCTOR: Well, I think if we are able to find that treasure first, we might be able to bargain. BEN: Well, I don't fancy... I can't see him standing around chatting. DOCTOR: Yes, and it's going to give us enough time for Blake to come back here, and the same time to save the people in this village. Hmm, hmm. POLLY: It would be awful to do otherwise. BEN: Oh, a right couple of nut cases you two are. Oh, well alright, I'll try anything once. DOCTOR: Well said, my boy. Now let's get down to the church and hope that our luck still holds out. Come on, come on. (They all go to leave.) BEN: Hey Tom. Thanks again, mate. POLLY: Bye, Tom. (They leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. OUTSIDE THE INN (TOM watches as the DOCTOR, BEN and POLLY leave. While he does, CHERUB sneaks up behind TOM and then grabs him, holding a knife to his neck.) CHERUB: They've gone, haven't they, Tom. Be a good lad and tell me where, eh? [SCENE_BREAK] 14. SQUIRE'S HALL KEWPER: I tell you it is Pike. SQUIRE: I've been tricked, and by him. KEWPER: At least you've lived to tell the tale. SQUIRE: To think that I've delivered our plans into his evil hands. What are we to do? KEWPER: We must play them at their own game, only more skillful, as with a fox. SQUIRE: I...I do not relish crossing swords with Pike's hook. KEWPER: If we but stick to clear thought we will not sink. And even better, we may profit. SQUIRE: How profit? KEWPER: His real reason in coming here was but to spy out the land. His greater interest lies in treasure. SQUIRE: Treasure? KEWPER: Avery's gold, or part of it. SQUIRE: Here? In these parts? KEWPER: Longfoot, the Churchwarden, was at one time one of this notorious band. They tracked him to his lair, knowing him to have the gold or secret access to it. They now firmly believe that it is hidden below the church. SQUIRE: Avery's gold? KEWPER: A dream to conjure with. SQUIRE: Indeed, and hidden within our grasp, eh? But don't men say this gold is tainted? KEWPER: Any villainy would be worthwhile for this end. So we must act. SQUIRE: But how? And without bloodshed? KEWPER: Well, by guile, I say. They will come soon, so we must come the sooner. SQUIRE: Aye, forestall the villains and leave them nothing, eh? KEWPER: Aye, but later this night they will be upon us without a doubt. Now, a trap must be laid. SQUIRE: Aye, we have the time. KEWPER: Once we have the treasure, we are made men. But they are to be crushed, or we are dead men. SQUIRE: But I have told him of the shore and the tomb wherein our store is hid. KEWPER: Then we know the path that they must follow this night. So twenty hidden muskets and they are done for. SQUIRE: Aye, and here's a triumph for law and order. (They laugh.) KEWPER: Ah, indeed. But first to the church and Avery's gold. SQUIRE: Aye, away. Come man. Birch, I say! (They leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. OUTSIDE THE SQUIRE'S STABLES (The SQUIRE and KEWPER are preparing to ride off.) SQUIRE: Have we no clue, no knowledge of any burial place? KEWPER: No one I know save the strange doctor knows Longfoot's secret. SQUIRE: Hmm, then we must search even harder. KEWPER: We ride alone? SQUIRE: To be sure, to be sure. (They mount their horses.) SQUIRE: No, we will admit no other soul into this but ourselves. Avery's gold snatched clean from 'em. KEWPER: I would see their faces at the empty chests. But sooner I would see them dead. SQUIRE: (Spurring on his horse.) Now come on, hyup, [SCENE_BREAK] , hyup. (They ride away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. A COUNTRY ROAD SOMEWHERE (BLAKE is riding furiously on his way to get help.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. THE CHURCHYARD POLLY: Well, here we are. Now where do we start looking? BEN: What did the Churchwarden tell you, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh, for heavens' sake boy, some kind of code and I'm trying to work it out. Hmm, hmm. BEN: I'm sorry. POLLY: Let him get on with it. He'll tell us when he's got it. BEN: Weird lot of tombstones, aren't they? POLLY: They're rather super, aren't they. Hey, let's try and find the oldest. BEN: Yeah, OK. (They look.) Hey Duchess, have a butchers at this one. Fifteen Ninety-two! POLLY: That's not old, soppy. Don't forget we're not in the twentieth century. This is sixteen hundred and something. BEN: Oh yeah, I forgot. (They look some more.) Hey this one's a laugh. 'Henry Hawksworth, he did die, of drinking too much small beer when he was dry.' (They laugh.) POLLY: Some of these old names are fantastic. Hey, listen to this: 'Lucinda Maltree' (They laugh.) DOCTOR: What did you say, dear? POLLY: Lucinda Maltree. DOCTOR: Eh, no, no , before. Eh, eh, these names. Eh, yes, yes, that's it! POLLY: What is? DOCTOR: Yes, of course. Dead man's secret. BEN: What? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, of course. That's the answer to the puzzle. Heh, yes. All these dead people. Hmm. BEN: What, here in the graveyard? DOCTOR: No. No, not here. POLLY: Hey, in the crypt! DOCTOR: Yes, my dear. Exactly! Good heavens, what an impossi... eh, well, you are inspired. Come on, quickly. (They rush into the church.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18. THE CHURCH CRYPT BEN: What the heck are we looking for, Doctor? POLLY: What was the secret the Churchwarden told you, Doctor? DOCTOR: Ah, it was... ah, it was some kind of rhyme. Now let me see. Eh, eh, 'Dead man's secret key. Ringwood, Smallbeer and Gurney.' Hmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm. BEN: 'Dead man's secret.' Well, that means names on tombstones. But how does that help? DOCTOR: Well, we must find these names, mustn't we. Yes, that'll be the first step. Hmm, hmm. BEN: Well look, don't you want to see the secret passage? DOCTOR: Oh yes of course, dear boy, well, where is it? Where is it? Hmm? BEN: Up here. DOCTOR: Ah. Hmm. (BEN shows the DOCTOR where the door is hidden, and slides it open.) DOCTOR: Yes. Oh, that's very clever. Yes. Very clever indeed, yes. Heh, heh. Now just shut it up again, will you. Then we can get on. Hmm, hmm. BEN: OK, you're the governor. (BEN slides the door shut again, and he and the DOCTOR move back towards the graves where POLLY is already searching.) POLLY: Ringwood! I found Ringwood. DOCTOR: Oh, good my dear. Well, continue with the search. And then the sooner we'll have better... you know, the sooner we find the secret. BEN: Hey, Polly. Gurney! That's two of 'em. POLLY: Only one more to go. BEN: Come on, Smallbeer. Let's have ya. DOCTOR: Ah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Yes! [SCENE_BREAK] 19. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH SQUIRE: Below the church, aye, in the crypt. KEWPER: Open? But this is strange indeed. SQUIRE: Are we forestalled? KEWPER: We will see. But we best proceed with caution. SQUIRE: Aye, they'd be few in number, I'd say. KEWPER: Aye, no guards, no horses. SQUIRE: Pike would be more watchful. KEWPER: And Blake would be better equipped. SQUIRE: Could it be this pestiferous Doctor? KEWPER: If it is, then providence is on our side. SQUIRE: Hmm? KEWPER: For he holds the secret of the treasure, of that I'm sure. SQUIRE: Then let us find him out. KEWPER: We will. (They go into the church.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. THE CRYPT DOCTOR: Well now, we've found our three names. Hmm, hmm. BEN: Well I'm blowed If I can see how it helps. POLLY: Nor me. DOCTOR: Yes, of course, yes. It would help if we found four names. BEN: What, another dead man's name? DOCTOR: Yes, exactly. Yes, exactly. POLLY: What are you talking about yet, Doctor? Tell us. DOCTOR: Well, my dear, I... KEWPER: (Entering with his pistol drawn.) Aye, Doctor, tell 'em. DOCTOR: And what are you doing here, sir? KEWPER: The same as you, my friend. Seeking Avery's treasure. SQUIRE: Aye, he may not have murdered the Churchwarden, but this does indeed show you're more than innocent travelers. DOCTOR: And what name might yours be? SQUIRE: Edwards, sir, Squire Edwards, local magistrate. KEWPER: Oh, let's not waste time on formal greetings. The secret, old man. DOCTOR: For what purpose? SQUIRE: To forestall Pike, and... BEN: And line your own pockets. Yeah, fine magistrate you are. KEWPER: Hold your tongue, cur. Riches are for them that takes 'em. DOCTOR: I hope you don't expect me to help you. KEWPER: You'll talk, Doctor, or these young sprigs will die for it. (KEWPER threatens BEN and POLLY.) DOCTOR: Here, now. Be careful sir. SQUIRE: Nay, nay, Kewper, surely not. KEWPER: Oh, be not lilly-livered now. This gold is not for weaklings. SQUIRE: I will not kill in cold blood. KEWPER: He knows the secret. He must be made to talk. SQUIRE: Not by this unholy threat. Let them be bound and we'll make our search ourselves. KEWPER: What, and waste precious time? This is madness. The threat alone and he will talk. SQUIRE: Not even that will I stomach, sir. Better behave like gentlemen. KEWPER: Gentlemen? Was this gold got by gentlemen? Is it now to be got by kindness? SQUIRE: I will have my way, sir! KEWPER: Don't truss up thy temper, I say. (While they argue, Cherub enters stealthily with a knife and pistol drawn.) SQUIRE: Rogue, I could have thee hanged if I wo... KEWPER: Threaten you me with the rope? Then you shall stand with me on the gallows. SQUIRE: You grow overbold. KEWPER: The rope will make more mark on your fine skin! (CHERUB throws his knife into KEWPER's back, and then shoots the SQUIRE. POLLY screams with her hands over her mouth.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The series theme music begins. White credits scroll up over the ending scene. The scene fades to a black background as the white credits continue to scroll up.) [SCENE_BREAK] (After the designer credit rolls up and off the black screen, the producer credit fades in.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The producer credit fades out. The director credit and BBC logo fade in.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The BBC logo fades out to the black background. The series theme music ends.)

Polly and Ben are placed in the custody of Blake, who reveals he also has his suspicions about the Squire, while the Doctor and Kewper are forced to team up to escape from Pike's ship.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_04x04

fd_One_Tree_Hill_04x04_0

LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill [GATINA Residence-Backyard-Night] (LUCAS is standing in front of BROOKE who is with a crowd of guys) LUCAS: I'm not the guy for you, Brooke Davis (BROOKE stares at LUCAS' coldly) [NATHAN and HALEY's Apartment-Living room] (NATHAN at chair by TV, LUCAS on couch) NATHAN: What if I saw someone ... [Molina Bridge-River (underwater)- Day] (NATHAN in Limo tries to take COOPER's seatbelt off but looks at him and suddenly gets scared) NATHAN: (v.o) ... in the car? [NATHAN and HALEY's Apartment-Living room] (NATHAN at chair by TV, LUCAS on couch) LUCAS: Who? NATHAN: Keith [Tree Hill High-Library] (Day of school shooting, PEYTON and LUCAS leaning on a bookshelf) (PEYTON leans over, her and LUCAS kiss) PEYTON: (v.o) I think I still have feelings for Lucas BROOKE: (v.o) As far as I'm concerned ... [PEYTON's Bedroom] (BROOKE and PEYTON by her wall of records, PEYTON's eye's red) BROOKE: ... this friend ship is over [KAREN's Caf ] (DEB looks away, for a moment, from KAREN finding it amusing) KAREN: (upset) I will not have a gun-toting junkie destroy a 17-year-old business [Tree Hill Memorial Hospital-Emergency Room] (DAN grabs DEB by the neck and pushes her up agents the wall in anger) DEB: (v.o) I need the gun (DEB screams) for protection, Karen [Tree Hill Memorial Hospital-COOPER's Recovery Room] (RACHEL leans in to kiss NATHAN on the cheek] RACHEL: (v.o) You have Cooper's eye's HALEY: (v.o) Stay the hell ... [Tree Hill High-Gym-game] (HALEY pushes RACHEL) HALEY: ... away from my husband [DOCTORS Office] (Camera on a shocked BROOKE) DOCTOR: (v.o) Well (BROOKE turns to HALEY) you're definitely pregnant (HALEY looks at BROOKE, shocked) [SAWYER Residence-Front porch-Night] (PEYTON trying to find keys in her bag as she heads to the front door) (PEYTON stops suddenly, in shock) DEREK: I'm Derek ... I guess I'm your brother [PEYTON's Bedroom] ("Where are they now?" wall, Shot of "AOD PEYTON" that is at her wall, PEYTON takes it down) PEYTON: (v.o) Ellie brought us together, I want you to have it (PEYTON hands it to DEREK) DEREK: Thank you, Peyton ... (PEYTON smiles) [DEREK's Hotel Room] (Shot of "psycho wall-Peyton pictures") DEREK: (v.o) ... I'll find a (DEREK comes in the shot) really special place for this (He sits on top of a desk in front of the wall holding her "AOD PEYTON" drawing and looks at it) End of "Previously On" [ROE Residence-LUCAS' bedroom-day] (Helicopter view of LUCAS in bed, eyes' closed, close shot of face) (LUCAS opens his eyes and stares at something as the camera zooms out) LUCAS: (v.o) There comes a time when every life goes off course (shot of hoop over his head, that's what he's been looking at) In this desperate moment you must choose your direction [NATHAN and HALEY's Apartment-Bedroom] (NATHAN doing crunches on the floor by the bed wearing a "Duke" shirt] LUCAS: (v.o) Will you fight to stay on the path? ... (Camera moves to HALEY in bed who sits up slightly to see what NATHAN's doing and looks on worried) [RACHEL's Bedroom] (There is a close up of three pamphlets that read "You're not alone", "The choice is yours ...", and "Abortion") LUCAS: (v.o) ... Will other's tell you who you are? ... (Someone grabs all three of the pamphlets and then the camera is moved to show it's BROOKE who is lying on her bed sideways to the desk and reads them, throws out a big sigh, and turns over to RACHEL who is sleeping away. BROOKE groans, frustrated, and turns back towards the desk, away from RACHEL, and looks at the pamphlets) [SHELLY's Bedroom] (There are 3 piles of different colored shirts that read "Clean Teen" on a desk and on the wall is a framed bulletin on the top right of the bulletin reads "Forgiven" on the lower right of that says "Reach your goals" and underneath that says "True Love waits") (A hand grabs one of the "Clean Teen" T-shirts, from the 1st stack) LUCAS: (v.o) ... Or will you label yourself (The hand grabs the one below the one that was picked up and places the one its holding back onto the pile) [DAN SCOTT Residence-Bathroom] (As the water runs in the sink DAN walks over looking at himself in the mirror, he sticks his hands in the water. The faucet is throwing out blood instead of water and DAN obliviously cups a handful in his hands as he continues to stare at himself in the mirror. When he has enough he leans down to splash it in his face but when he realizes that it's blood he drops it out from his hands, gasp and stares at his hands in terror) LUCAS: (v.o) Will you be haunted by your choice? ... (DAN looks up and stares forward, concentrating and swallows hard) [PEYTON's Bedroom] (The phone rings, lying on the desk by her bed, and PEYTON grabs it opens it as it rings again and it says "DEREK, Main, Calling" then she presses a button that changes it to "Connected, DEREK" LUCAS: (v.o) ... Or will you embrace your new path? (PEYTON puts the phone to her ear and smiles) PEYTON: Hey DEREK's VOICE: Hey, sis [ROE residence-LUCAS' Bedroom] (LUCAS on top of his bed taking the basketball net off of his wall) LUCAS: (v.o) Each morning you choose (stares at hoop when he removes it) to move forward ... (Stares at the wall where it use to be and gets off the bed with the basketball hoop) [DEB SCOTT (LEE) Residence-Hallway to living room) (DEB comes downstairs and starts heading towards the living room in her pajamas) LUCAS: (v.o) ... Or to simply give up (DEB suddenly stops and the camera turns to see a women, DR, a psychiatrist, standing by the side of the couch, NATHAN and HALEY sitting on couch and KAREN behind them) DEB: (to DR) Who the hell are you? DR: This is an intervention (DEB scoffs in a laughing way) KAREN: You have a problem, Deb (DEB looks down upset but smiling) and we want you to go back to rehab (DEB looks surprised when she sees DAN walk into the shot and he stands on the side of HALEY but more in front) DAN: Yeah, Deb, we're only here because we care DEB: (looking at DAN) You invited Dan to my intervention? (NATHAN is looking down sadly) DR: Everyone important in your life must be here united against your addiction DEB: So you got four people, including my sociopath ex-husband (chuckling) Oh, yeah (walks towards them but to a table with a little box) I have a problem, all right (DEB opens it but sees nothing so she closes it and looks at the chair next to it and removes the pillow to looks in the sides) NATHAN: Mom? (DEB searches) we searched the house and, um (holds backpack up with a bunch of prescription bottles in a pocket) we found your pills ... it's over DEB: (impatiently) No, Nathan, my life was over the day you left me and decided to marry her (HALEY just stares at DEB) KAREN: It's not there fault-- DEB: --Shut up, Karen ... This was all part of your big plan. You've never forgiven me for sleeping with Keith (HALEY, shocked, looks at KAREN) DAN: No, it's me who hasn't forgiven you--the guy you tried to light on fire (HALEY, even more shocked, looks over at NATHAN who, for a moment closes his eyes more pained than embarrassed, then looks at HALEY who says something to him, quietly) DR: Okay, okay, listen, the first step is to admit you have a problem DEB: Oh, shove it up your ass, I know I'm an addict. Spend a week with these people and you will be, too (DEB starts walking out of the living room and heads to the front door across the hall, the DR looks at her, DEB grabs a pair of keys on the desk heading in the hallway, opens the door and exits. KAREN watches as the door slams, HALEY closes her eyes and NATHAN looks down. DAN walks more towards the living room to face the hallway) DAN: I think we're making progress (Everyone stares at the door) [RACHEL's Bedroom] (BROOKE is at her bed fiddling with something as her back faces the bathroom door which is wide open with RACHEL in there wearing a robe and putting on her make-up at the mirror) BROOKE: I told you--I'm not pregnant (BROOKE turns to RACHEL who turns to looks at her too) RACHEL: (scoffs) Whatever you say ... but you can't have the is baby, you'd be a terrible mother BROOKE: (somewhat hurt) Why would I be a terrible mother? RACHEL: We all turn into our parents (brushing hair slightly) I mean, as soon as Brooke Jr. hits puberty, Brooke Sr. hits South Beach BROOKE: (upset) I will not RACHEL: I thought you said you weren't pregnant? (BROOKE puts her hands over her eyes, groans frustrated, since she feels like anything she says is wrong with RACHEL who walks into the room) RACHEL: All right (removes robe) Let's shoot this (RACHEL is only wearing a black lacy bra and matching underwear that look more like hot pants and walks over to lie on the bed, BROOKE holds RACHEL's digital camera) BROOKE: Ugh, all right (RACHEL lies on bed on her right side and faces her) How many after photo's does Jenny Craig need, anyway? (BROOKE focuses camera) RACHEL: This is practice (fixes hair with left arm) for the Maxim magazine shoot this afternoon (BROOKE takes picture) There looking for (lies on stomach) Tree Hill's hometown hottie BROOKE: (bitchy) Well, why not hometown hussy? 'Cause you've got that one in the bag (BROOKE begins taking more pictures) RACHEL: This one, too. (BROOKE takes picture) You're my biggest competition in this town and ... you're packing on baby weight (RACHEL makes a pose and BROOKE takes a picture with her mouth a little open, groans, and makes a small "enough" face then looks at the camera) [PEYTON's Bedroom] (PEYTON is at her computer desk picking up a bunch of "Lupe Fiasco, Thursday 9pm, Tric" fliers with a drawing of someone skateboarding on the fliers and stacks them neatly to put them in her bag, her back is facing the wall of records were LUCAS is standing looking at her albums, one in particular, wearing his backpack) LUCAS: So, at the party I told Brooke (PEYTON looks up, back still facing him) that I wasn't going to fight for her anymore (PEYTON looks happy but is trying to hide it even though LUCAS can't see her face) PEYTON: What'd she say? LUCAS: Pretty much nothing (walks to PEYTON, holding album) You know, it's funny (stands behind her only she still doesn't face him) for the first time ever I feel like it's actually over (LUCAS walks to her side to face her) PEYTON: (sympathetically) I'm sorry, Luke LUCAS: Thank you (PEYTON puts her book bag on her shoulder) ... Hey, so tell me--how are things going with Derek, the instant brother? PEYTON: (smiles) Uh, well ... (Horn honks from outside, PEYTON and LUCAS both look towards the window) PEYTON: Guess you can ask him yourself, he's giving us a ride to school (PEYTON grabs LUCAS by the arm and starts pulling him towards the door, he walks backwards for a moment) LUCAS: Oh (PEYTON starts to exit and LUCAS quickly puts her record album on her bed and follows her to exit) [Tree Hill High-School parking lot-Day] (Tree Hill sign reads "Yearbook pictures" and DEREK's car slowly drives up towards the sign parking a few spots away. DEREK gets out of drives side and leans by door, PEYTON gets out from shot gun and LUCAS from the back on PEYTON's side) DEREK: (to PEYTON) So, I'll see you at lunch and we'll hand out those fliers for the show (PEYTON and LUCAS are on one side looking at DEREK who is on the other side of the car) PEYTON: (unsure) Uh, yeah, are you sure? 'Cause (points) Lucas can help me DEREK: Peyton, until finals all I got is time PEYTON: (smiles) Cool (waves) (PEYTON and LUCAS start to walk to school) LUCAS: (turns/waves) Take care (PEYTON and LUCAS start walking and DEREK takes out his camera and takes a picture of PEYTON's ass, LUCAS turns to DEREK and catches him, DEREK continues to focus the camera on PEYTON as her and LUCAS continue walking more towards the building) LUCAS: Don't you think it's a little weird that he's always taking pictures of you? PEYTON: It's for his photography class LUCAS: (not buying it) Yeah, right, (from afar DEREK gets in his car) what's the assignment--pictures of Peyton's ass PEYTON: (disgusted/playfully hits Lucas on the stomach) Shut up! HALEY's VOICE: Hidy-ho, neighbors (HALEY walks up to LUCAS and PEYTON who puts her arm around her) PEYTON/LUCAS: Hey LUCAS: So how was the Manson family reunion? <Note: If you look closely he says Manson but mouths Camden> HALEY: Ugh, you know (DEREK starts his car from afar) it was kind-a like the end of Lion King (all stop) when all the Hyenas gang up and eat Scar (DEREK drives away) LUCAS: Ooh, how'd Nathan take it? HALEY: He stiffed me on a ride to school (A motorcycle pulls up just were DEREK had left and they all turn to look at it and the person takes the helmet off and, oh Lord, it's NATHAN) NATHAN: What do you think? (grins) (LUCAS and PEYTON stay where they were standing but HALEY walks up to NATHAN) HALEY: (shocked) What--did you-- ... did you buy a motorcycle? NATHAN: No, that's the beauty of it. I traded the car for the bike (HALEY close her eyes then looks away) and I made two hundred bucks now we can pay some bills (LUCAS looks unsure as Peyton just watches) and we'll have a ton of money on gas (NATHAN accidentally pushes the gas and the motorcycle skids a little forward and startles him) NATHAN: Whoa--jeez (NATHAN shrugs and smiles) HALEY: (v.o) Nathan ... [Tree Hill High-Hallway-HALEY's locker] (HALEY has her locker open the camera is pointing to the mirror in her locker so that we can see her from that view) HALEY: ... bought a motorcycle (HALEY closes her locker and BROOKE has been leaning on the lockers and is now visible) BROOKE: Well, Rachel ... thinks (whispering) I should have an abortion HALEY: Okay, yours is worse (HALEY and BROOKE walk away to a door to go to another hallway and SHELLY stands by the sides of the lockers, she overheard there conversation, and is wearing a "Clean Teen" T-shirt, the one from the scene with the pile of shirts, and quickly goes chasing after them) SHELLY: Brooke, hold on (HALEY and BROOKE stop and turn) I'd like to encourage you to have your baby BROOKE: (shocked) What? SHELLY: There are several outlets available to you, should you decide your not ready to be a mother--like adoption (HALEY uncomfortably fixes her hair) BROOKE: Okay, I don't know what you think you heard but you heard it wrong because I'm not-- SHELLY: --Don't worry, Brooke ... we'll be here (smiles) were not going to let you go through this alone (SHELLY walks away, HALEY and BROOKE look at her leave) BROOKE: (confused) What does she mean "we"? (BROOKE and HALEY look at each other for a moment then look back where SHELLY left towards) [PSYCHIATRIC Office-Day] (DR is holding a black folder and sits on a chair, DAN is sitting on a couch next to her) DR: I'm glad that you decided to come in DAN: Well, after your work with Deb I thought "Now here's a women who probably won't help me at all" DR: Well, lets give it a try, anyway (holds pen out to start writing) What's on your mind? DAN: (serious) Everything we say in this room is completely confidential, right? DR: (looks at notebook) Mm-hmm DAN: (without taking a blink) I killed my brother (DR looks up in shock) THEME SONG - Gavin DeGraw "I Don't Want to Be" [Tree Hill High-Outdoor Lunch Tables-Day] (There is a table with girls that are all wearing shirts that on the front say "Clean Teen" and on the back read "Virgin for life" Camera moves to someone (head not shown) holding one of the shirts and standing at the head of the table then walks over to a table behind them where RACHEL and BROOKE sit both on the same side facing the "Virgins" table. As the girl walks closer to them she moves away from the camera and it turns out to be SHELLY who puts the nicely folded shirt in front of BROOKE's tray and pats it) BROOKE: What's that? SHELLY: I'm inviting you to join our club and be a clean teen ... virgins for life (RACHEL almost chokes on her food) RACHEL: (chuckles) Virgins for life? (BROOKE laughs with an "Unbelievable" expression) SHELLY: Well, maybe not for life but "Virgins until marriage" just ... didn't sound so good RACHEL: What exactly does a "Clean teen" do? SHELLY: Everything you guys do ... except we abstain from s*x RACHEL: (shocked) You're completely celibate SHELLY: Pretty much BROOKE: What does "pretty much" mean? SHELLY: Well, we ... "Brooke" ourselves-- RACHEL: --I'll join (RACHEL and SHELLY smiles at each other) BROOKE: (annoyed) Okay, listen to me, who I am and how I choose to live my life is none of your business SHELLY: So your decisions are your own, then? BROOKE: That's right SHELLY: What about you baby's decision to be born?-- BROOKE: --What about my decision I'm making right now to kick your preachy ass? SHELLY: Brooke, If you don't wanna raise your baby, someone will RACHEL: (raises hand) I'm sorry, um (BROOKE exhales annoyed with SHELLY) when you "Brooke" yourself, um, do you do that alone or is it a group thing?--because if it's a group thing I'm totally in BROOKE: Rachel! (turns to SHELLY) Okay, Shelly, I understand that in your world everything's black and white but real life is just a (holds thumb and index finger an inch apart) little more complicated SHELLY: Complicated as in you don't want to get to fat to fit into your prom dress? BROOKE: (angry) Why don't you come back to your group of "Clean teens" and leave me alone (SHELLY looks at BROOKE sympathetically for a moment) SHELLY: ... Fine (SHELLY walks away to her table) SHELLY: (purposely loud so people can hear) Good luck with your pregnancy (SHELLY turns for a moment then walks back to her table and on the table next to her is MOUTH who overheard and shakes his head upset. DEREK walks up to MOUTH's table and puts a "Lupe Fiasco" flyer on his table and pats it) [PSYCHIATRIC Office-Day] (DAN on couch, DR at chair facing him) DR: You say that you killed your brother, can you explain that? DAN: I let Keith go into the school that day ... I could have stopped him (looks down) I should've stopped him DR: Tell me about you and Keith DAN: We never got along--not even as kids but at least back then we always had each others backs DR: When did that change? (DAN looks down) [Tree Hill High-Class room] (The students are taking a test, NATHAN and HALEY are sitting next to each other. There is a shadow on the door window to show someone is coming in. When the door opens it's DEB who looks a mess) DEB: (whispers) Nathan? NATHAN: Mom, what are you doing here? (All the students, including HALEY, look up) DEB: You have something that belongs to me (HALEY, shocked, looks over at NATHAN) NATHAN: Mom, I'm not doing this TEACHER: We're in the middle of a test DEB: I want my pills TEACHER: Mrs. Scott-- DEB: --Don't! (NATHAN, embarrassed, closes his eyes then mouths "Oh, my God" covers his face with his left hand and sighs, HALEY watches as DEB desperately passes her and goes to NATHAN. She stands in front of his desk and they both looks at each other) DEB: I'm not leaving here until I get my damn pills NATHAN: (scoffs) Okay (NATHAN opens his backpack as HALEY watches DEB, he places a bottle of prescription pills on top of his desk on his test paper) NATHAN: Go ahead (DEB looks at them almost anxious) take 'em but I'm warning you ... it's either the pills or me (DEB stares at NATHAN for a moment then snatches the bottle from his desk and walks away. HALEY looks at her and can't believe she picked pills over her own son) TEACHER: Okay, everybody, back to work, back to work (The door slams shut and NATHAN looks down, upset and laughs sadly) [Maxim Photo shoot building-Hallway] (RACHEL is walking in a dark hallway and opens a door. When she opens it a camera shutters and the bulb flashes, there is a big room getting ready for the Maxim photo shoot there is a women moving a rack of clothing across the room, and a red background with umbrellas and cameras facing it. Towards the door is a table with a big screen TV of the picture of RACHEL that BROOKE took in RACHEL's room and a photographer, back facing her, busy on the computer where there is the same picture of RACHEL) RACHEL: Hello? PHOTOGRAPHER: (turns) Hey, great test shot photo (RACHEL smiles) PHOTOGRAPHER: So, your ready to be in Maxim? RACHEL: Definitely (RACHEL smiles, walks in and passes her picture on the big screen Cut to Tree Hill Freeway, NATHAN's motorcycle zooms by a bridge and the camera moves closer to NATHAN who is concentrating on the road) (Cut to RACHEL wearing white silk pajamas with one button holding the top together as the fan blows her way pushing the bottom part of the top back, she also wears white silk shorts about the size of boxers and the photographer photographs her, camera moves to her legs then to her face as the photographer takes a close up picture of her face, red background behind her) (Cut to NATHAN on the road riding) (Cut to RACHEL doing more poses air blowing her hair) (Cut to NATHAN turning a curve on the road then zooms by) (Cut to RACHEL who puts her hands on her hips and seductively smiles to the camera and laughs) (Cut to NATHAN as he continues riding his motorcycle) (Cut to RACHEL who is now wearing a tan spaghetti strapped mid-riff top with a white skirt that could almost be mistaken for a headband, camera shutters as she plays with her hair, she's now in a white background) (Cut to NATHAN, close up of face) (Cut to a transparent shot of NATHAN as he rides mixed in with RACHEL as she continues to pose) (Cut to NATHAN riding) (Cut to RACHEL posing, photographer taking pictures, she looks one way) (Cut to NATHAN zooming by on the road) (Cut to RACHEL turning the other way and smiles) (Cut to NATHAN riding towards a turn, the camera quickly moves to show a garbage truck on the other side about to turn towards NATHAN's side, NATHAN rides as the truck turns and suddenly honks which startles him, they both head towards each other, NATHAN turns and the truck misses him and he falls with the bike sideways. He falls to the floor and groans in pain) [NATHAN and HALEY's Apartment-Bathroom] (NATHAN has his shirt off and he has his hand in a puddle in the sink that is filled with water, the water is pink since it has been mixed with his blood. When he pulls his arm out he holds his arm up and dabs on it, there is a seriously nasty cut on his arm) HALEY's VOICE: Nathan (HALEY walks in the bathroom and quickly notices NATHAN's injuries) HALEY: God! (puts book bag on counter of sink) What happened? (HALEY helps to attend his injuries) NATHAN: (trying to brush it off) It's okay, don't worry, these days they can ... I don't know--they can graft skin from my ass HALEY: (worried) Are you hurt anywhere else? (HALEY looks at his back, which is fine) NATHAN: No, I'm fine (looks at other side of shoulder which is really baldly injured) bike's pretty messed up though <Note: His injuries have deep, deep cuts with a lot of scratches> (HALEY is preparing liquids to put on his arm) HALEY: (not thrilled) Bike, great (NATHAN stares at injury in mirror and makes an "ouch" face) okay, I want you (turns to NATHAN) to get the car back as soon as you can (puts cloth on his arm) because I need you on this planet NATHAN: Haley, nothing's gonna happen to me HALEY: (stern) You are not invincible (groans) Nathan (turns to sink to grab tweezers) ... I know that it's really hard (turns) for you to explain (grabs NATHAN's arm) what happened to you down under that water and ... (takes stuff off of NATHAN's arm as he groans) maybe Keith did save you, maybe you saved yourself, I don't know (inhales) but the point is that either way it means that you are suppose to be here right now NATHAN: Hales, that's not it (HALEY exhales) My mom came into school today and in front of everybody chose pills ... over me (HALEY sighs) HALEY: Here (HALEY hands the tweezers to NATHAN and grabs her bag to exit) NATHAN: Wait, where are you going? HALEY: (by door) You take care of the bike ... please? I will take care of your mother (NATHAN stares at himself in the mirror for a second, sighs and shakes his head) [DEB SCOTT (LEE) Residence-Front door] (HALEY pounds angry at the door with her palms, starts hitting it with one hand, rings doorbell with the doorbell. DEB answers a little taken back at the pounding) HALEY: Stay away from him--for all I care you can go to hell but I will not let you take Nathan with you DEB: (smiles smug) Talk to me in a few years, Haley ... when your dreams are dead and your child betrays you ... then we'll see what kind of mother you'll be HALEY: No, no--no--no, I will never, ever ... be like you, Deb (HALEY starts walking away) DEB: You know (HALEY stops) pretty soon Nathan's going to realize (HALEY turns) that college basketball is a lot more fun than playing house ... I'll save you some pills HALEY: (upset) Who are you kidding, Deb? ... Junkies don't save pills (HALEY walks away and DEB smiles and slams the door shut) [SCENE_BREAK] [Tree Hill High-hallway] (BROOKE turns to walk to the main hallway and passes some girls) BROOKE: (barley heard) Hey, guys (SHELLY who was near some lockers at a distance runs up to catch her) SHELLY: Brooke (BROOKE rolls her eyes) BROOKE: (sighs annoyed) What do you want, Shelly? SHELLY: I want to apologize, I came on a little strong earlier and ... I realized "Clean teens" isn't for everyone BROOKE: (sighs) So you're really never going to have s*x? SHELLY: Not until my wedding night (BROOKE's eye's wide with an "Okaaay" face) why would a guy buy the cow when he can get the milk for free? BROOKE: (laughs) Okay, do you realize that you just likened yourself to a farm animal--one that is for sale, no less? SHELLY: It's not just about that ... it's about keeping our bodies pure (BROOKE sighs and rolls her eyes away) have you ever had Chlamydia or Gonorrhea? ... (makes face) Uh, not fun BROOKE: Uh, burn me at the stake but (points to self) I like boys and I like s*x (BROOKE shrugs with an "I can't help it" look) SHELLY: So did I but-- (SHELLY looks down) BROOKE: -- "So did I ?" (laughs) Wait a minute ... (both stop walking) you have a virginity club and you're not even a virgin? SHELLY: I am now, I'm a born-again virgin BROOKE: (upset) A what?! SHELLY: Just because you make a mistake doesn't mean you can't start over. I made a pledge (smiles) BROOKE: Shelly ... I hate to break it to you but you're either a virgin or you're not and a pledge ... does not a broken Hymen mend ... sorry SHELLY: You can't tell me what I believe ... (smiles) I am a virgin BROOKE: (mad) You're a hypocrite (SHELLY's face drops) you are walking around here preaching celibacy to everybody and you've already sold your cow or your milk or ... whatever SHELLY: Well, at least I'm not a baby killer BROOKE: I-- .... (SHELLY walks away and BROOKE stands there like if she's ready to punch her) BROOKE: Ugh! (BROOKE walks away) [PEYTON's Bedroom-Closet-Day] (PEYTON in her closet pulling out a leather and a small jacket and other things. DEREK by the closet painting) PEYTON: I still can't believe I got Lupe Fiasco to play Tric tonight (walks out to bedroom as she passes DEREK) It's gonna be awesome DEREK: Yeah, it's great (notices leather jacket) Hey, cool jacket (PEYTON puts the small jacket on the bed) PEYTON: Thanks, Ellie gave it to me DEREK: Wish I could've met her PEYTON: It was tough (puts leather jacket on) to trust at first--you know, having somebody out there that you're related to DEREK: (spins chair by bed and sits) Like your long lost brother? PEYTON: (laughs) Yeah (PEYTON is standing in front of the full length mirror and looks at herself in ELLIE's jacket for a moment) DEREK: So ... did it hurt when you got shot? PEYTON: (turns) Oh, my God--so bad DEREK: You got a scar? PEYTON: (inhales) ... Yeah DEREK: (intrigued) Oh, is it gross? PEYTON: Yes DEREK: (looks at her leg) Oooh, let me see PEYTON: No! At same time: DEREK: Come on, I've never seen a gunshot wound before PEYTON: Come on, No! DEREK: Especially if it's gross PEYTON: (hesitant) Come on (DEREK raises his eyebrows and gives her a "let me see" look) PEYTON: (widens eyes/quietly) Fine (PEYTON puts her leg on the bed and pulls up her sweat pant and from afar you can see her wound from the school shooting episode) DEREK: (looks closely) Oh, that is so sweet (DEREK reaches over where he was painting and grabs his camera) PEYTON: What?! DEREK: Just be still (DEREK focuses the camera on her leg) PEYTON: You're insane, you know that? (DEREK takes pictures) If this ends up on the web I'm coming after you (DEREK looks at his camera to look at photo) Tell you what (grabs cell from desk by bed) family photo (DEREK stands and PEYTON walks over to him and puts her phone from afar to take a picture. DEREK puts his head by PEYTON's and leans slightly on hers) PEYTON: Ready? ... Cheese (PEYTON and DEREK smile and the camera shutters) [ROE Residence-Kitchen-Night] (WHITEY is sitting at the table with KAREN standing pouring coffee in his cup, there are cookies on the table in front of WHITEY) WHITEY: To long KAREN: (chuckles) Yeah (WHITEY and KAREN laugh and they notice the door open and LUCAS walks in, unsure of what WHITEY's doing there) LUCAS: (sarcastically) If you're having an intervention ... (points towards his back) You can have my heart pills KAREN: Um (WHITEY chuckles) I asked Whitey (LUCAS looks from WHITEY to KAREN) over here to (sits next to WHITEY) talk about you playing with the Ravens (smiles) (LUCAS keeps his eyes on KAREN) WHITEY: Your mom wants you back (LUCAS' eyes turn to him) on the team (smiles) and so do I KAREN: And I, uh, I talked to the doctor this morning (LUCAS gives her a "you did?" expression) and there are some risks but it's manageable ... (touches chair next to her) sit down (LUCAS sits and chuckles surprised) KAREN: There are two conditions, you have to stay on your medication and (turns to WHITEY for a second) we limit you to fifteen minutes a night (LUCAS looks sad) WHITEY: I'll be brining you off the bench but you know that benches win championships (LUCAS looks down) KAREN: Luke, I know it's different than last time (LUCAS looks at her) But you'll get to play LUCAS: (chuckles) I ... No (KAREN looks surprised) look, mom, (stands) I appreciate everything you're trying to do for me and I miss basketball everyday ... but to have it halfway ... it's harder than not having it at all (LUCAS puts his backpack on and exits towards his room leaving KAREN and WHITEY sitting there) [PEYTON's Bedroom] (PEYTON comes out of the bathroom, DEREK sitting on her bed) PEYTON: So, what do you think? (grins) (PEYTON is wearing a grey rock torn t-shirt, a green camouflage skirt, black spandex all the way down to her knees and black boots) DEREK: I guess I'm suppose to tell you, you have to much makeup on (PEYTON's smiles drops) your skirts to short and (PEYTON folds her arms with a playful "anything else?" expression) the boys are only out for one thing but ... (smiles) You look beautiful (PEYTON smiles) thank you, Peyton, for letting me in, for trusting me ... it's been great PEYTON: Well, then, it's about to get better (walks to DEREK) 'Cause this is something I haven't told anyone ... (sighs) Lucas and Brooke are done (DEREK gives her an "oh, really" face) So I've decided I'm going to tell him how I feel ... tonight (PEYTON pats DEREK on the back and it seems like he doesn't know how to take it or what to tell her. She walks away and puts on ELLIE's jacket then heads back to the bathroom. She turns for a moment to look at DEREK as if she's happy she found him and gives him a smile. DEREK forces a smiles back and looks at her, she walks back into the bathroom and closes the door. He looks forward and the music changes to this scary psychotic music intro and he sits there with his mouth a little open, tongue on roof of mouth and lets out a "huh" then sniffles, he looks angry then turns his neck slightly and stairs straight ahead, thinking) [Tric-Entrance Door-Night] (People are heading inside, very busy. Cut to Inside, HALEY and BROOKE sit by the couches then HALEY spots NATHAN walking towards them) HALEY: Hey, (stands) please tell me were going home in four wheels NATHAN: The guy wouldn't give me the car back because the motorcycle's to messed up (HALEY sighs frustrated) but look, I'll figure something out, okay? It just ... it might take me a couple days HALEY: Mm-kay NATHAN: Mm-hmm, I'm going to get a drink (NATHAN heads to the bar. BROOKE stands and walks with HALEY) BROOKE: Okay, just think about it this way--most guys buy a motorcycle 'cause they're compensating for ... you know--Nathan wears size !fourteen's! HALEY: (sarcastic) Thanks, I feel so much better now BROOKE: Well ... (Camera moves to RACHEL who is by a table, she looks over at the bar and grabs her purse to head over there, when she does she sits next to NATHAN who doesn't quickly notice her) RACHEL: Care to make the night interesting? (RACHEL pulls out a flask and hands it to NATHAN underneath the counter) NATHAN: (chuckles) After the day (takes flask) I've had, yeah, sure (opens top) I've got something for you, too, by the way, um, (pulls out a picture) Somehow, this ended up in my locker--Hometown hottie, right? (The picture is one that BROOKE took in RACHEL's bedroom, she is on her knees on top of the bed with her hands on her hips) NATHAN: (puts picture on table) How was the shoot? RACHEL: Well, you know ... I could let you preview the whole spread (smiles) NATHAN: (chuckles/smiles sadly) Thanks for the drink (NATHAN stands to walk away) RACHEL: Nathan, wait (stands)(NATHAN turns) What did you see in the water? (NATHAN looks surprised) You saw something didn't you? NATHAN: Why would you say that? RACHEL: (looks down/shrugs) Never mind (NATHAN, taken back, watches RACHEL leave) [The River Court-Basketball Court-Night] (LUCAS walking across the court from a distance the camera moves down to show DAN in a car at the parking lot watching LUCAS who doesn't notice him) (DAN looks forward) DR: (v.o) Dan, I asked you ... *Flashback-PSYCHIATRIC Office-Day* (DAN on couch, DR at chair facing him) DR: ... when your relationship with Keith changed? DAN: (looking forward) I was away at school when I got the call Karen was in labor ... I drove all night long to be at the hospital (shakes head negatively)... but she never knew I was there DR: Why not? DAN: I only got as far as the door ... DR: What did you see? DAN: Keith at Karen's bedside ... holding my son (DAN stairs ahead, hurt) DAN: (v.o) How you doin' son? *End of Flashback* (DAN walks up to LUCAS who is sitting on the table at the court. LUCAS sees DAN and slightly scoffs) LUCAS: What do you mean?--since the last time you were here and you threatened to kill me? DAN: Yeah, I'm sorry about that (DAN stands a couple feet from LUCAS) LUCAS: (laughs annoyed) What do you want? DAN: (smiles) I ever tell you about my final game? (LUCAS rolls his eyes away) '87 against Wake Forest--I was one rebound shy of a double-double and then there it was right in the front of the rim and I jumped up for the ball ... and came down to my knee, right then I knew it was over ... I could've rehabbed (nods) but I decided if I couldn't be the best I didn't want to play the game at all ... I was wrong (LUCAS scoffs through his nose and shakes his head negatively, he knows KAREN told him) I'd give anything to just be back out on the court for just fifteen minutes a night--hell, I'd take fifteen seconds LUCAS: (nods/laughs) You talked to my mom (sighs) you know what? (stands) It's not just about being the player I was, it's about my mom ... she's been though a lot and I don't want he to worry about me DAN: Lucas, your mom worries about you every night. Game night's might be the only nights she won't worry ... 'Cause she knows you'll be doing something you love (LUCAS swallows hard and continues looking at DAN) [Tric-Bar counter-Register] (KAREN is counting money, doing counts for deposits. DEB sits behind counter) DEB: (to waiter) Hey, Billy, scotch straight up (KAREN motions to the bartender, BILLY, not to help her, he walks away) DEB: What makes you such a tight-ass, Karen? ... Is that what happens when you don't have s*x for (enunciates) seventeen years? (KAREN walks up to DEB) KAREN: Look, I know that you are upset about the intervention and I am sorry for the ambush but ... it was the only way DEB: Oh, no, I completely understand, it's called tough love--now I have some for you ... your fired KAREN: I don't have time for this (KAREN walks back to the register) DEB: Well you better get some, our, um (KAREN turns back to her) our partnership for the Caf was never on paper but I am the majority owner of Tric ... which means you can get the hell out ... right now (KAREN stares at her in disbelief) ... sorry to ambush you, Karen, it was the only way (to BILLY) Now pour the drink or you're fired, too (KAREN throws the pen on the counter and walks away giving a cold stare to DEB who smiles like if she feel like she has more power over KAREN, BILLY puts her drink on the counter) DEB: (to tender) Thank you (PEYTON gets up on stage) PEYTON: Hey, Tree Hill! You guys ready?! (crowd cheers) All right?! Please welcome, Lupe Fiasco! (LUPE FIASCO [pronounced loop-ay Fee-ass-ko] and his entourage come out and PEYTON smiles and hands the microphone over to him as the crowd cheers, PEYTON walks offstage) LUPE FIASCO: What up, Tree Hill? What's going on? (The crowd cheers and the intro to his hit "Kick Push" starts to play) LUPE FIASCO: Uh, what up, yall? Yeah, soundtrack, what's poppin', baby? Woo! Y'all ain't know, I go by the name of Lupe Fiasco, Representing that (holds index finger up) first and fifteen, yeah, uh (Cut to HALEY and NATHAN watching from the crowd, NATHAN has his arms around HALEY's waist and he has positioned his head so that his chin rests on top of her head, since he's a foot taller then her it's not a problem) LUPE FIASCO: I dedicate this one right here / to all my homies out there grinding / you know what I'm saying / legally and illegally, ha ha (Cut to BROOKE more towards the back of the crowd watching by herself) LUPE FIASCO: You know what I'm talking about? (BROOKE turns to the left to see SHELLY who is looking at her too) ... so check it out, ugh ... First got it when he was six / didn't know any tricks (BROOKE looks away) matter of fact first time he got on it, he slipped ... (Cut to LUPE FIASCO on stage) LUPE FIASCO: landed on his hip and bust his lip / for a week he had to talk with a lisp like thisss (Cut to PEYTON who is watching from afar) LUPE FIASCO: Now he can end the story right here / but shorty didn't quit, it was something in the air (PEYTON walks to look towards entrance) Yeah, he said it was something so appealing (PEYTON suddenly stops and smiles) he couldn't fight the feeling (from distance LUCAS walks in and says hi to someone) something about it / he knew he couldn't doubt it / he couldn't understand it (PEYTON continues to look at LUCAS) brand it (Cut to LUPE FIASCO on stage) LUPE FIASCO: Just the first kick-flip, he land it / uh, labeled a misfit, a bandit / kakunk, kakunk, kakunk, his neighbors couldn't stand it sooo / he was banished to the park (Cut to RACHEL who is by a table watching) LUPE FIASCO: Started in the morning wouldn't stop till after dark / Yeah, when they said ... (LUPE FIASCO continues rapping as MOUTH walks up to RACHEL and stands behind her) MOUTH: I know about Brooke LUPE FIASCO: I'm sorry, young man, there's no skatin' here MOUTH: I know Brooke's pregnant (RACHEL rolls her eyes) What are we going to do? (RACHEL doesn't bother to look at MOUTH) RACHEL: (sighs) Tell you what? You drive her to the clinic, I'll pick her up (looks at MOUTH who does not find it amusing) Oh, come on, there's no way Brooke and Lucas are ready to have a baby LUPE FIASCO: Kick, push, coast / so come on and skate with me (camera moves to DEREK who has been listening) just a rebel looking for a place to be / so lets kick, uh (DEREK bobs his head to the music and looks straight ahead) (Cut to LUPE FIASCO on stage) LUPE FIASCO: And Push / and coast / yeah, uh, uh, uh / my man got a little older / became a better roller / yeah, no helmet, hell bent and killin' himself / Is what his mama said (Cut to PEYTON sitting at a table, DEREK walks up to her) LUPE FIASCO: But he was feeling himself / Got a little more swagger in his style PEYTON: (to DEREK) How great is this?! (DEREK walks closer and nods, then stares at PEYTON for a moment) LUPE FIASCO: His girlfriend / she was clappin' in the crowd / Love is what-what was happenin' to him now (DEREK sits next to PEYTON) PEYTON: Sooo, I saw Lucas (Points behind her where LUCAS is watching the performance) DEREK: Now, Peyton, there's something you should know ... Brooke's pregnant PEYTON: (surprised) She can't be ... are you sure?! DEREK: Yeah, I heard that angry kid Mouth talking to your friend Rachel (PEYTON stares ahead into space, sad) PEYTON: (depressed) Well, I have to go talk to Lucas (PEYTON stands and starts heading to LUCAS) DEREK: Peyton (grabs PEYTON's shoulder) ... (looks at LUCAS for a moment) the other night at Rachel's party, I overheard Lucas talking to Brooke ... he said if she'd take him back he'd never talk to you again (PEYTON looks heartbroken) PEYTON: (hurt) He said that? DEREK: I'm sorry (PEYTON looks down) I guess Lucas isn't the guy you think he is (PEYTON keeps looking down then turns to look at LUCAS) LUPE FIASCO: My man got a little older / became a better roller (PEYTON walks to LUCAS) yeah, no helmet, hell-bent on killing himself PEYTON: Hey, can I talk to you for a second? (PEYTON pulls LUCAS away to exit and he looks a bit confused) LUPE FIASCO: Got a little more swagger in his style / met his girlfriend she was clappin' in the crowd (DEREK stares at them leave) love is what-- ... (Cut to LUPE FIASCO onstage) LUPE FIASCO: ...--what was happein' to him now / ugh, he said I would marry you / but I'm engaged to these aerials and varials / and I don't think this board is strong enough to carry two / she said bow, I weigh ... (Cut to PEYTON and LUCAS walking away from the stage) PEYTON: (worried-like tone) Okay, have you talked to Brooke, today? LUCAS: No, why? PEYTON: (looks at stage for a moment) There's a rumor going around about her that she's pregnant (LUCAS looks worried) I know you said you're not going to fight for her but if she is pregnant then you need to be there for her LUCAS: I ... (looks around) I gotta go find her, I-- PEYTON: --So I guess this is good-bye, then? (laughs sadly) LUCAS: Well, what do you mean? PEYTON: Derek told me what you said to Brooke at the party LUCAS: (confused) Oh, okay, wait--what did I say? (PEYTON stares at him for a moment trying to say something) PEYTON: You need to talk to Brooke ... I can wait (LUCAS watches her leave and is still confused) LUPE FIASCO: Just a rebel looking for a place to be / so lets kick (Cut to LUPE FIASCO on stage) LUPE FIASCO: Ugh, ugh / and push / yeah, yeah / and coast (Cut to SHELLY and her "Clean teens" watching the performance, camera moves to BROOKE and RACHEL watching them from afar) LUPE FIASCO: Yeah, ugh / Yeah, uh / swing it / Yeah, yeah BROOKE: "Clean teens" more like "Mean teens" with big mouths. You know they told everyone RACHEL: Actually, that was me (smiles) BROOKE: What?! Why would you do that? RACHEL: This coming from the girl who put up posters of me (BROOKE's mouth drops) circa 200 pounds all over school?--Consider it payback (stands) Hmm, see you at home, roommate (BROOKE scoffs and rolls her eyes, LUCAS comes up from behind) LUCAS: Is it true? BROOKE: (annoyed) Oh, that didn't take long. Luke, I told you I wasn't pregnant, all right? Do you think I would lie to you? LUCAS: That wouldn't be the first time BROOKE: No, the first time, actually, I lied and said I was pregnant. !Also! the first time, you were sneaking around my back with Peyton LUCAS: (worried) Brooke, this is my decision, too BROOKE: As though you're the only guy I've ever slept with? (LUCAS closes his eyes for a moment, almost relieved and slightly smiles) LUCAS: Chris Keller BROOKE: I (disgusted with LUCAS) ... (stands) Unbelievable, You know what? Don't talk to me (LUCAS stands there thinking if either he shouldn't have said it like that or he's still wondering about the pregnancy. The song ends, the crowd cheers, LUPE FIASCO looks around humbled, LUCAS looks around depressed) [Tric-Bar counter] (DEREK is sitting at the bar, LUCAS walks up to him bobbing his head as LUPE FIASCO starts another song, "I Gotcha") LUCAS: (smiles) Lupe's pretty great, huh? (leans next to DEREK) ... So what'd you tell Peyton I said? <Note: His tone sounds like he's mad but not trying to show it> DEREK: What? LUCAS: At the party, apparently you heard Brooke and me talking (mad) What did I say, Derek? DEREK: Look, all I said was ... if you're getting back together with Brooke, you'd have less time to spend with Peyton, that's all (laughs) I got no problem with you, Luke, you're a cool guy, man (DEREK holds his hand out to slap LUCAS' but LUCAS just stares at him angry, never bothers to look at DEREK's hand, and walks away. DEREK looks forward for a second then back at LUCAS, as if he finds it funny) (Cut to LUPE FIASCO performing) LUPE FIASCO: I hush puppies / the swans in the pond call my duck ugly / but now they hug me because is lovely (Cut to Restrooms: BROOKE walks out) LUPE FIASCO: They love the aroma of the roamer of the world (BROOKE spots SHELLY and the "Clean Teens" at a table) Got the shakers and the skaters and the players and the girls (SHELLY waves for BROOKE to join them) (BROOKE looks at her for a moment the hear a familiar voice, GLENDA FARRELL) GLENDA's VOICE: Hey Brooke (BROOKE walks away from SHELLY and the "Clean Teens" and goes the other way, SHELLY looks upset) (Cut to GLENDA's table: BROOKE walks over to her and is surprised, in a happy way, to see that GLENDA has changed, she's more Goth-like than before) BROOKE: (smiles) Glenda? GLENDA: (laughs) Yeah, I'm trying something new BROOKE: Yeah, you look ... good in black GLENDA: (smiles) Thanks, so, uh, you know Shelly? BROOKE: Oh (looks over her shoulder to look at the "Clean Teens" table for a moment) um, not exactly--I don't really hang out with (makes quotes with fingers) "Fake Virgins" GLENDA: Yeah, you know what sucks about that whole born-again virginity thing? ... (laughs) I am a virgin and Shelly was, like, the biggest slut at church camp last summer BROOKE: Wait a minute--you hung out with Shelly last summer? GLENDA: Well not all summer, Shelly's parents came and got her halfway through BROOKE: (curiously) Really? (BROOKE sits there thinking) LUPE FIASCO: Welcome all of you all to my dark recesses BROOKE: Huh (BROOKE turns to face SHELLY and her table of "Clean Teens" and looks at SHELLY who is laughing hard with some of her friends, BROOKE turns back around and stays thinking) LUPE FIASCO: It takes half of your bubble bath to match the freshness (Cut to LUPE FIASCO on stage) LUPE FIASCO: The belly from the beast you know I'm from it / I'll wrap it in a towel here go pal in the stomach / And I'll be on my green like Irish spring and I coast ... (Cut to NATHAN and HALEY sitting) NATHAN: So have you heard, about Brooke? HALEY: Nathan, I--I don't think this is the place to talk-- NATHAN: (disappointed tone) --You knew about it, didn't you? (chuckles) ... you remember that fight we had about birth control? HALEY: Yeah, how could I forget it NATHAN: Brooke and Lucas both heard that entire thing. I mean, you'd think after something like that they'd use two condoms ... and how could you just not tell me? HALEY: Because she's scared to death NATHAN: Yeah, she should be. I mean, how do you just tell a guy that his life is over? (NATHAN looks at HALEY then he groans and drinks) LUPE FAISCO: Y'all want the realness?! CROWD: Hey, I gotcha! LUPE FIASCO: You want the realness (Cut to LUPE FIASCO on stage) LUPE FIASCO: Hey CROWD: Hey, I gotcha! LUPE FIASCO: You all want the realness , Hey CROWD: Hey, I gotcha! LUPE FIASCO: You want the realness CROWD: Hey, I gotcha LUPE FIASCO: (talking) You know I doooooo (The crowd goes wild as they cheer and applaud him) (Cut to Souvenir booth: There is a green "Listen Lupe" t-shirt on the counter that SHELLY is going to purchase and she hands cash to the cashier, she stares at the shirt a moment as BROOKE walks up to her) BROOKE: (sympathetically) Hey, Shelly? What happened last summer? SHELLY: I don't know what you're talking about (SHELLY quickly tires to walk away but BROOKE grabs her by the arm to stop her and SHELLY's back faces BROOKE) BROOKE: I know your parents picked you up from summer camp (SHELLY slowly turns to her) ... What happened? (SHELLY looks like she's ready to cry) SHELLY: (voice breaking) You don't think about it ... you meet a cute boy and you're having fun (fights back tears) ... I couldn't tell my parents, I mean, you don't get pregnant at Church camp ... Brooke, you have to have your baby, okay. You have to BROOKE: You had an abortion, didn't you? SHELLY: (teary) You can't take it back. You think it's gonna make everything better but it doesn't ... (cries) You can never take it back BROOKE: (comforting tone) Shelly (SHELLY runs off and BROOKE, brokenheartedly, watches her run off crying) <Note: Didn't SHELLY tell BROOKE earlier "At least I'm not a baby killer?"> [DAN SCOTT Residence-Living Room-Night] (DAN is standing in front of the couch looking at a year book "Raven, '86" and takes sips from his drink. He places the drink on the table next to him and sits on the couch, he turns the page and stares at it. The camera closes up on the page and it's a main picture of him in a tux with KAREN sitting in front of him, he stands behind her, there are two smaller pictures on the upper right of them dancing together. On the caption in the bottom of the main picture reads "Snowball King & Queen, Karen Roe and Dan Scott") (The camera zooms in on the main picture) DR: (v.o) Are you still in love with Karen? *Flashback-PSYCHIATRIC Office-Day* (DAN on couch, DR in chair facing him) DAN: (small smile) Maybe *End of Flashback* (DAN continues to stare at the yearbook) DR: (v.o) So, in a way, now that your brother's gone, you've won (DAN looks away from the book) maybe that's why you feel so guilty [Tric-Lower stairs] (HALEY looks around then down the stairs) HALEY: (worried) Brooke! (sighs) Were have you been? (going down the stairs) Where have you been, I've been looking everywhere for you (HALEY can see BROOKE sitting at the very bottom, holding a drink) BROOKE: (slurring) Hello, Haley James-Scott (HALEY's mouth drops when she realizes and asks ...) HALEY: Are you drunk? BROOKE: Why wouldn't I be ... Tree Hill High thinks I'm a slut. Lucas thinks I'm giving birth to Chris Keller the second and my gossipy roommate thinks that I'd make a terrible mother--and she's right (BROOKE takes a sip from her drink) HALEY: Okay, I'm going to take you home, okay? BROOKE: No, mmm (softly) I can't do this, Haley ... I can't be pregnant anymore (HALEY looks away sadly, she knows what she must do) [Tric-Outside Entrance-Nigh] (NATHAN is walking down the stairs, RACHEL runs up to him) RACHEL: We need to talk NATHAN: Then talk RACHEL: (shrugs) Not here (RACHEL motions for them to get on his bike, NATHAN looks at it and chuckles) NATHAN: Thanks to your flask, I'm walking (NATHAN starts walking away) RACHEL: Nathan (she follows as he turns) I really need to talk to you about the accident ... please--look, um ... tell you what, I'll drive (NATHAN sighs) NATHAN: (looks around) I left my helmet upstairs and you don't even have one RACHEL: (bad girl smile) I won't tell if you wont (RACHEL holds her hands out for the keys, NATHAN looks around for a moment then reaches in his pockets, he hesitates for a moment but gives her the keys. She gets on the motorcycle and, like a pro, turns on the bike, NATHAN lifts the bike a bit to loosen the brake and hops in the back, he wraps his arms around RACHEL's waist, she smiles, and then they drive off together) [Tric-stage] (The place is empty and PEYTON is standing on the stage holding some cords, there's an employee that walks by and DEREK walks towards the stage clapping loudly) DEREK: Tonight was ... amazing, you did a great job (PEYTON walks to sit on stage by him) I'm sorry things with Lucas didn't go as well as you planned (PEYTON sighs through her nose) You want to kill the messenger? (DEREK is leaning on the stage) PEYTON: Nooo, God knows if we did that in this town every time someone got pregnant there'd be nobody left DEREK: Well, don't take it to hard about Lucas and Brooke ... (PEYTON looks at him) there's a guy out there for you, Peyton ... I know it PEYTON: (smiles) Thanks (gets off stage) Come here (PEYTON and DEREK hug, PEYTON smiles and pats him in the back in a sisterly way, but he hugs her sort of sexually aroused and starts smelling her hair, his hands are by her hair so he pushes her hair up to smell it, LUCAS, who has been off to the side obliviously turns to glance at them and is facing DEREK so he sees how DEREK's holding her and LUCAS changes from oblivious to worried. PEYTON and DEREK end there hug) PEYTON: So, see you later? DEREK: Yeah (DEREK walking backwards, exiting) PEYTON: (barley heard) Bye (PEYTON waves, LUCAS suspiciously watches DEREK leave and he walks up to PEYTON who is sitting on the stage again) PEYTON: Hey, did you talk to Brooke? Is it true? (LUCAS stares at were DEREK exited) LUCAS: (not really caring about the question) I don't know yet (looks at PEYTON) listen--what did Derek exactly say to you about me and Brooke? PEYTON: (smiles) That's-- ... so not important LUCAS: No--no--no, I need to know (PEYTON's smile fades) PEYTON: He said he heard you say you would cut me out of your life if she would take you back--and it's fine, Luke, I get it, !I get it!-- (LUCAS scoffs at the idea that PEYTON would even believe that) PEYTON: --Okay?!-- LUCAS: --Oh, my God, Peyton! I would never say that--I would never cut you out of my life ... Look, how much do you know about Derek, I mean--if he would lie about this (looks at the exit/sits)(suspiciously) I wonder what else he's lying about PEYTON: You know, what? Maybe he's not lying--maybe that's just what he thought he heard you say LUCAS: ("come on" tone) Peyton PEYTON: Luke, come on. You're the one who told me to be more trusting so don't ruin this for me (PEYTON smiles sadly then turns to looks around the stage, she gets a confused look on her face, LUCAS stairs straight ahead) PEYTON: Great (looks around) my jacket--it's gone LUCAS: Well (looks back) maybe you left it backstage-- PEYTON: --No, I left it here (sad) somebody, somebody took it (sits on stage/sad) Ellie gave me that jacket (LUCAS looks away sadly) LUCAS: (v.o) There comes a time when every life goes off course (Lucas thinks) in this desperate moment who will you be? [ROE Residence-Kitchen] (KAREN takes milk in tiny pitcher, for coffee, out of the fridge and there is a knock on the door, KAREN opens it and it's DAN) DAN: (confused) I thought (points back) maybe you'd be at Tric KAREN: (sighs) Oh, yeah (walks to fridge) Deb fired me DAN: (walks in) Fire is her specialty ... sorry, I talked to Lucas, I don't know if I got through. Maybe the only thing I can give him is an example not to follow (KAREN grabs her cup of coffee) KAREN: You just summed up my whole parenting strategy (laughs) DAN: (chuckles) I just thought you should know, good night (DAN starts to exit) KAREN: Dan DAN: (stops and turns) Yeah? KAREN: ... Would you like some coffee? (DAN tires to hide the fact that he's most likely thrilled) DAN: That'd be great (KAREN stares at DAN) LUCAS: (v.o) Will you let down your defense ... [Molina Bridge-Night] (NATHAN and RACHEL are standing at the edge of the bridge looking down on the river) LUCAS: (v.o) ... and find solace in someone unexpected NATHAN: Why are we here? RACHEL: I wasn't honest with you, Nathan ... (NATHAN looks at her) I do remember something from the accident (he looks curious) ... something I saw in the water NATHAN: What is it, Rachel? What'd--what did you see? RACHEL: (scared) Keith (NATHAN stares at RACHEL in shock) [RACHEL's Bedroom] (BROOKE and MOUTH enter, BROOKE sits on her bed) MOUTH: Tough night, huh? BROOKE: (shrugs) Stupid rumors MOUTH: Brooke, um, the other night at the party (sits next to her) you and Rachel thought I was asleep but I wasn't ... I heard you talking and ... I know Rachel thinks you shouldn't have this baby but she's wrong ... you are going to make a great mother (nods) I honestly believe that (BROOKE tears up at MOUTH's words and hugs him) LUCAS: (v.o) Will you reach out ... (Tears fill BROOKE's eyes, then she pulls MOUTH away) BROOKE: I need to tell you something [ROE Residence-LUCAS' Bedroom-Night] (HALEY walks in, LUCAS on his chair by bed) HALEY: I need to tell you something LUCAS: (looks up) Is it true ... about Brooke? (HALEY sits on LUCAS' bed) HALEY: Oh, don't be mad at Brooke she's been a great friend LUCAS: (worried) I just--I just can't believe (stands) she wouldn't tell me HALEY: Luke, it's not Brooke ... it's me ... (whispers) I'm pregnant (LUCAS gives her a "What?" expression and chuckles, really, really relieved. He sighs happily and sits next to HALEY) HALEY: Nathan's just been working really hard and all of his dreams are so close and this ... this just changes everything LUCAS: Well, Nathan isn't Dan ... he'll understand HALEY: (voice breaking) I'm really scared, Luke (HALEY starts to cry and LUCAS hugs her) LUCAS: (comfortingly) Shhh, it's going to be okay <Note: He's making a face, which she can't see, that looks like he's trying hard to believe in the words he just said> HALEY: (tear rolls down) How do you know? LUCAS: 'Cause this kid's going to have a great Uncle (they end embrace) I learned form the best (HALEY close her eyes and nods) LUCAS: (v.o) Will you face your greatest fears bravely? ... (LUCAS touches HALEY's hair then hugs her) [PEYTON's Bedroom] (PEYTON has her phone connected to the computer, the phone has the picture of her and DEREK from that afternoon before Tric. PEYTON clicks something and the picture is shown on her computer screen <Note: They both look adorable by the way> (PEYTON thinks for a moment then looks at the computer screen) LUCAS: (v.o) ... or move forward with faith ... [DEREK's Hotel Room] (Shot of "Psycho wall-Peyton pictures" the camera moves all around them, then to a girl, PROSTITUTE, looking at the pictures) LUCAS: (v.o) ... or will you succumb to the darkness in your soul PROSTITUTE: (turns around) You got it bad, don't you, baby? (DEREK, who looks a mess, mentally, is smoking a cigarette and looks at the PROSTITUTE, she looks back at him then grabs a wad of money at the desk and sticks it in her purse. She walks up to him and he looks at the picture, the camera cuts to a picture of PEYTON in her cheerleading uniform but she's cut into pieces so it looks mosaic, there are more pictures of her walking, not knowing the camera was there. DEREK takes a quick puff form his cigarette) PROSTITUTE: Well, here you go (The PROSTITUTE gives him a pose and she is wearing almost the exact same thing PEYTON was wearing at Tric that night. She's wearing a different kind of rock t-shirt a bigger belt but she's wearing a camouflage skirt black spandex and ... ELLIE's jacket, but she's a brunette with curly hair so ...) DEREK: One more thing (DEREK takes a blond wig out and throws it at the prostitute) PROSTITUTE: (smiles) Kinky (The PROSTITUTE bends down to put on the wig properly and DEREK continues to looks at the pictures of PEYTON on his wall, he smiles psychotically and the prostitute stands up with the wig on her hair) DEREK: Perfect (DEREK stands and faces the prostitute) (Cut to PROSTITUTE's legs and it goes up to show her skirt and belt. DEREK stares at it with desire) (Cut to the wall of pictures, some are of AOD PEYTON and another one is this zoomed up picture where it's black and white and only her eyes, others are of her in the River court) (Cut to DEREK who stares at the prostitute in a psychotic way) (Cut to the PROSTITUTE but from her waistline to her chest) (Cut to the wall with more pictures of PEYTON in black and white, colored but in none of them is she aware she's being photographed) (Cut to DEREK still staring at the PROSTITUTE, he slowly walks up to her and she waits biting her bottom lip) (Cut to one of the pictures of PEYTON where she's looking ahead with her mouth open, like when someone surprises you with something nice) (Cut to DEREK, who stays staring at the PROSTITUTE but begins to remove the wife-beater he's wearing) (As DEREK slowly takes of his shirt it reveals a big tattoo that covers his whole back, the tattoo is the "A.O.D PEYTON" drawing that PEYTON gave to him) (Camera fades out)

Peyton introduces hip-hop sensation Lupe Fiasco at Tric, while rumors that Brooke is pregnant run rampant. Still dealing with their car accident, Nathan buys a motorcycle despite Haley's reservations, and Rachel poses for Maxim magazine. Meanwhile, Lucas clashes with Derek, and Deb double-crosses Karen. This episode is named after a song by Bryan Adams .

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_04x09

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_04x09_0

[Salvatore's House] (Elena wakes up in Damon's bed. She looks at Damon) Damon: This would be so much more fun if we were naked Elena: That was your call, not mine Damon: I was being a gentleman. You shouldn't have stayed Elena: I know Damon: I should have made you leave, sent you packing. I promised Stefan Elena: I know Damon: You're sired to me, Elena, which means everything that you think you feel might not even be real Elena: I know, Damon, but... It feels real. And I'm not ready to let go of that Damon: I could make you. Invoke the sire bond Elena: So do it Damon: I told him I would set you free. Right after I didn't tell him that we slept together Elena: So, what do you want to do? Damon: I want to throw you back in my bed and never let you leave Elena: So do it (Elena's phone rings) Damon: Saved by the cell phone Elena: I have to meet Bonnie. She's teaching Jeremy how not to kill me. Want to come? [Klaus's Mansion] (Stefan enters and sees Klaus painting) Stefan: Looks like a giant snowflake Klaus: I prefer to think of it as an expression of post-modernism. It's my donation to the winter wonderland charity event (Adrian enters) Adrian: You said it was urgent? Klaus: Yes. Take this to the mystic grill immediately Adrian: You want me to be a delivery guy? Klaus: What I want is for you to do whatever I say, without the attitude. Be careful with that. It's still wet (Adrian leaves) Stefan: Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves, you know Klaus: What is the point of my hybrids being sired to me if I can't maximize on the benefits of free labor? What are you doing here? Stefan: Elena is sired to Damon Klaus: I intuited as much Stefan: Which means I need to find the cure now more than ever, and here you are making post-modern snowflakes Klaus: I've delivered. I retrieved the hunter's sword from Italy, which we'll use to decipher the map hidden in the hunter's mark. You're the one who's supposed to deliver the hunter and his mark Stefan: Well, Jeremy is the hunter, and he has to keep killing vampires to complete his mark, but we can't quite figure out how to keep him from killing us Klaus: Sounds like quite the chore, which is why I feel perfectly justified in doing a little charity work Stefan: Or maybe you're lying about having found the sword Klaus: Why would I lie to you, Stefan? We're in this together. The hilt acts as a cypher which we'll use to decode the marks on Jeremy's tattoo when he's killed enough vampires to complete it. I heard you moved out of your house. Bit of a martyr move, hmm? Stefan: I'm not here to bond, Klaus Klaus: Oh, on the contrary, I think right now I'm the best friend you've got [Old Lockwood Cellar] (Adrian enters. Tyler and Haley are there) Adrian: I'm sick of taking his crap. I should rip his throat off, see if he can boss us around without a larynx Tyler: You won't have to take it much longer Kim: You keep saying that, but here we are, hiding, plotting a revolution that's never gonna happen Haley: Never say never. And never say I don't pull through. I found the witch that's gonna save your lives Adrian: Are you serious? Tyler: We promised you guys we'd free you from Klaus. You did your part by breaking your sire bond. Now Hayley and I are going to do ours [Mystic Falls' Square] (It's winter wonderland in Mystic Falls. The square is filled with Christmas decorations. Tyler is with Caroline) Caroline: You're going to do what? Tyler: Hayley found a witch strong enough to do the body-jump spell... You know, the Klaus specialty Caroline: So you're going to put him in someone else's body, and then what? Tyler: We'll encase the body in concrete, then bury it Caroline: Why not just desiccate him like Bonnie did? Tyler: Because to do that spell you have to stop a human heart. I was a little short of volunteers Caroline: Well, who was dumb enough to volunteer their body to be a Klaus sublet? Tyler: Ok, don't freak out Caroline: Freak out? Freak out?! I'm about to hemorrhage. You volunteered? Tyler: It's not forever, just long enough for the hybrids to be able to completely disappear Caroline: I can think of better ways for us to spend our senior year than you buried in concrete, Tyler Tyler: This started with me. This has to end with me. I need your support [Gilbert's Lake House] (Jeremy is chopping woods. Damon and Elena arrive and park the car. Jeremy looks at them and Bonnie rejoins him) Bonnie: Jeremy? Jeremy: They shouldn't be here Bonnie: They're here to help you. Do you trust me? Jeremy: Yeah. Yeah, I trust you Bonnie: Let's go inside (They go inside) Damon: What the hell is Professor Shadypants doing here? Elena: I invited him (Damon and Elena are in front of the door) Shane: Hey, listen. We are ready to get started, but before we can do that, we need her... In here Elena: This is your house now, Jer. You have to invite me in Shane: Go ahead, Jeremy. Invite her in Jeremy: You can come in [Salvatore's House] (Stefan is looking at some papers. His phone rings and he answers and puts the speaker) Stefan: Hey. Sorry. I know I'm late Caroline: If I'm gonna be a friend in your time of need, then you need to work on your punctuality. I'm in a crisis. Where are you? Stefan: I'm at my house. Why? What's wrong? Caroline: My boyfriend is a dumb-ass martyr. And why are you at your house? Aren't you trying to keep your distance from Elena? Stefan: Well, she's not here anymore. Damon took Jeremy to the Gilbert lake house with Bonnie, so I guess her house is safe for her again. Hey, listen; I got Klaus to tell me a little bit more about this hunter's sword. You know that map in Jeremy's tattoo? The sword decodes it. It's literally the key to finding the cure Caroline: Klaus told you this? Stefan: Yeah. Why? Caroline: And did he happen to hand over the sword for safekeeping? Stefan: Uh, what do you think? What's wrong? Caroline: We need to get our hands on that sword, like, today. Tyler and his hybrids are taking out Klaus tonight [Mystic Grill] (Caroline is looking at Klaus' painting. He rejoins her) Caroline: Here to steal tiny Tim's crutches? Klaus: Dickens was a dark man. You would have liked him Caroline: Nice snowflake, by the way Klaus: Is my work really that literal? Caroline: I'm serious. There's something... Lonely about it Klaus: I'm gonna take that as a compliment. Can I offer you some champagne? Caroline: Can't. Too many adult prying eyes. Don't want to be a high-school cautionary tale at the next town meeting Klaus: Well, then, it's a good thing the high-school part is nearly over Caroline: If we're gonna be nice to each other, then I will need that glass of champagne Klaus: Is that our thing? Caroline: We don't have a "thing." [Klaus' Mansion] (Stefan is looking around for the sword. He's on the phone with Damon) Damon: Well, he's not walking around with it. Check the rest of the house Stefan: I am. I haven't found anything Damon: Try the sock drawer. People leave the sketchiest stuff in sock drawers Stefan: I'm gonna need real ideas, Damon Damon: Here's two: Kill Tyler before he goes to Klaus, or, since Klaus has suddenly become MVP in our relay race for the cure, tell him about the hybrids Stefan: Nobody's killing Tyler Damon: Hello? Stefan Stefan: Look, I know it's a touchy subject, but do you know where Elena is today? Damon: I think she's running around... Trying to figure out how to deprogram Jeremy Stefan: How'd she take it last night... You telling her to stay away from you? Damon: Not well Stefan: You okay? Damon: Peachy. Got to go. Bonnie's enlisted Dr. Evil in her plan, and I have to thwart him [Gilbert's lake house] (Shane is tying Jeremy to a chair. Elena and Bonnie are sitting in front of him) Shane: All Jeremy feels when he sees a vampire is a burning desire to kill them. Even if consciously he doesn't want to, as in your case, it's his subconscious that's calling the shots Bonnie: Persuasion helps reverse your conscious thoughts Shane: Think of it as kind of a conditioned response, right? See vampire, kill vampire. What I'm doing is creating a kind of middle step. It's like a detour where his subconscious learns to recognize you as someone he loves, someone he wants to protect. And that gives him a choice. He can choose to take the detour instead of the conditioned response. Ok. Talk to him. He'll listen Elena: I'm not... Sure what to say Shane: You chose to do this here at your family's vacation house, right? So maybe just start by telling him why Elena: Every holiday, we came here. This place was family, and when mom and dad died, Jenna made us come here, and we thought it was an awful idea, but it was like they were here with us. They would have wanted us to stick together, Jer... To fight for each other no matter what Shane: Jeremy, how do you feel about Elena right now? Jeremy: She ruined our lives. She's not even my real sister. She's just the reason that everyone I've ever loved has died. She means nothing to me. I will kill her, even if that means I die myself (He wakes up from his hypnosis) Jeremy: Did it work? [Somewhere in Mystic Falls] (Stefan is alone. Caroline rejoins him) Caroline: Hey Stefan: Hey Caroline: Did you find the sword? Stefan: Nope Caroline: What are we gonna do now? Stefan: Klaus is the only shot we have at finding the cure. We need him. Tyler has to call it off (Tyler is behind them) Tyler: Well, that's not gonna happen (He looks at Caroline) Tyler: You told him? I've had 12 hybrids sworn to secrecy for a month. I have Hayley and a witch risking their lives, and you're blabbing my plan to him? Stefan: Look, all I'm asking you for is a little bit of time, ok? Tyler: How long? An hour? A day? Because every minute that goes by that we don't do this, they're at risk. You and Klaus already served one of them up for Jeremy to kill. I don't owe you anything. I'm taking him out Stefan: I'm sorry, but I can't let you do that Caroline: Stefan... Stefan: I'm sorry, but I can't (The hybrids arrive behind Tyler) Tyler: Sorry, man, but you don't have a choice [Gilbert's House lake house] (Elena is outside, on the pontoon. Damon rejoins her) Damon: You're not allowed to feel this sorry for yourself unless you're sitting on a bar stool. Fortunately, I travel with the bar Elena: It didn't work. I shouldn't have put so much hope into reprogramming someone's mind. If it were that easy, then you and I wouldn't be in this situation. Right? Last time I was here, I was so completely in love with Stefan. Now that's barely a memory. Is that the sire bond... Or just that I'm so happy to be here with you? Damon: Maybe there's something else they can try [Old Lockwood's Cellar] (Caroline and Stefan are there. Kim is also there and Tyler is preparing the chains) Caroline: Tyler Tyler: Keep them down here until we're ready to bring Klaus in. Use these if you have to Stefan: Come on, Tyler. This is bigger than you. It's about more than revenge for us Tyler: I know what it's about for you, Stefan. It's about the cure. You know what happens to a hybrid when he's cured of being a vampire? We go back to being werewolves, turning on every full moon. We could give a rat's ass about the cure Caroline: Tyler, come on Tyler: I needed you on my side, care. That's all I wanted [Gilbert's Lake House] (Jeremy is looking at family pictures. Bonnie rejoins him) Bonnie: Are you okay? Shane wants to try again (He gets up and Damon enters) Damon: Survey says: Ehhh. Professor Shane has been dipping into the magical herbs a little too much if he thinks using a vampire to suppress the need to kill another one is going to work on a hunter. It's like dangling a cheeseburger in front of someone on a master cleanse. Just find someone else to attach your warm and fuzzy detour feelings to. Gee, I wonder who that could be (Jeremy looks at Bonnie) Jeremy: You. I feel that way about you Damon: Well, this isn't awkward at all. I'll be... anywhere else (Shane rejoins Elena on the pontoon) Shane: It was good thinking using Bonnie as Jeremy's emotional touchstone. Damon is very intuitive. And Bonnie told me about your relationship with him. I don't mean to pry, obviously Elena: It's... complicated. Any ideas how to hypnotize me out of it? Shane: You know, in all my world travels, the one spell that I've never found is how to break somebody from loving too much. Trust me, I've looked. My wife and son died. I was just... I was trying to figure out a way not to miss them (Damon rejoins them) Damon: If your hypno-herbs work, we should be singing "Kumbaya" around the fire by dinner. So now tell me why I'm not killing you Elena: Damon... Damon: I'm serious. Why are you after the vampire cure? Shane: I didn't say I was looking for the cure, but I can tell you where to find it Damon: Klaus' sword will tell us where to find it Shane: The sword will lead you there, sure, but so can I Elena: What? How Shane: Because I've already been there [Mystic Falls Square] (Carol is with April) Carol: Instruct the guests to drop their donations at the gift tree in the grill April: Yes, ma'am (She sees Tyler) Carol: Excuse me (She smiles takes two glasses of champagne and rejoins Tyler) Carol: There you are. Quick, a toast before people can judge us. What's wrong? (Carol and Tyler are sitting on a bench) Tyler: Please say something Carol: But you'll miss graduation. Which... I guess is a ridiculous thing to worry about Tyler: I'm their Alpha. They're looking to me to help them Carol: You do what you have to do, Tyler. Don't look so shocked. I'm trying to channel your father. He'd be proud of you, you know. You're a leader of people, just like he was Tyler: Thank you, mom [Gilbert's Lake House] (Shane shows them the rock he showed at the exposition at the high school) Damon: It's a rock Shane: It's not just any rock Damon: Hmm. So is this that silly little wives' tale that you told at the occult exhibit? Shane: All right, long story short... Once upon a time, there was a witch named Silas who loved a girl and wanted to be with her forever. So he and his best friend, another witch, made an immortality spell, and then Silas' best friend witch got jealous and killed Silas' girl before he had a chance to make her immortal. Well, cursed to an eternity without his one true love, Silas finds a way to reverse the immortality spell, and then, before he has a chance to take it, his former friend buries him underground, leaving him and the cure to rot Elena: So it's a cure for immortality? Shane: Human blood is the life force of an immortal. No more immortality, no more need to feed on blood. You dig up Silas, and you've got your cure [Old Lockwood Cellar] (Caroline and Stefan are still there helded captive by the hybrids) Caroline: Oh, this is ridiculous. We are not hostages Kim: Sure you are, sweetie (Caroline gets closer. Stefan's phone rings. He looks at it) Stefan: Relax. It's my brother (He answers) Stefan: What's up? Damon: Don't ask how or why or who, but I just found the answer to your Tyler problem Stefan: You're kidding. We don't need the sword [Gilbert's Lake House] Shane: This is the mark of the brotherhood of the five. Then up the arm, you have the murder of a girl by a witch. The symbols in the vines are your map, which you obviously no longer need. When this mark is complete, it will contain the spell that we need to dig up Silas Damon: And where did you say he was buried? Oh, I forgot. You didn't Shane: You've threatened to kill me, what, like, 3 times already this week? The location is how I'm gonna survive your bad moods Elena: And what's in it for you? If not the cure, then what? Shane: I'm in this for Silas, all right? Up until this point, he's only been myth Damon: So write a thesis Shane: Would you rather be the guy who writes about Noah's ark or the one who sails it down the Hudson River? Damon: I'm not buying it Shane: You don't have to buy anything. You just have to believe that I can fix your brother, and when his hunter's mark is complete, I'm gonna take you to the cure [SCENE_BREAK] [Mystic Grill] (Caroline enters the restrooms with Tyler and Haley) Tyler: How the hell did you even get out? Caroline: I got out because even your idiot hybrids recognized the stupidity of your Alpha hybrid martyr plan Tyler: I'm not going to fight with you anymore, Caroline Caroline: Oh, we're gonna do plenty of fighting, the second that you shove Klaus into someone else's body Tyler: We've been through this. I don't have anyone else's body Caroline: Yeah? Well, I do Haley: What? Who? Caroline: Klaus' sister Rebekah. She's got a dagger in her. Stefan's been hiding her coffin in the tunnels. We dump Klaus into her body and bury her. We just killed two original birds with one stone Haley: It's too late to change the plan Tyler: Call Bonnie. Make sure it'll work Haley: Tyler Tyler: It's a brilliant plan, Hayley (He looks at Caroline) Tyler: You're a genius. I love you Caroline: Mmm. I love you, even when I hate you Tyler: I got to go find my mom, let her know I might actually graduate [Gilbert's Lake House] (Shane rejoins Jeremy and Bonnie downstairs) Shane: How's it going? Bonnie: I think we're making progress (Her phone rings. She answers) Bonnie: Caroline, hey Caroline: Bonnie, I need you to think fast. I know that the daggers don't work on Klaus, but what if we put his essence into Rebekah? It'll work, right? Say it'll work Bonnie: Slow down. Slow down. What's happening? Caroline: Just come on, Bonnie. Will it work? Bonnie: Yeah. I don't see why not Caroline: Oh. Bonnie Bennett, I love you Bonnie: Do you need my help? I can leave Elena here with Jeremy Caroline: Elena? She's there, too? Bonnie: Yeah. She came with Damon. Who's being slightly less horrible than usual Caroline: You know what? I can't deal with this right now [Mystic Grill] (Caroline looks at Haley) Caroline: She said it would work Haley: I gathered. Congratulations Caroline: Than you (Haley breaks her neck and looks at her body) Haley: My pleasure [Gilbert's Lake House] (Elena takes a box of Christmas decorations. Damon looks at her) Elena: Jer and I should take these decorations home with us. We could use the holiday cheer Damon: Look at you... suddenly Polly optimist Elena: I think Shane's gonna get us through this. I trust him. Which you clearly don't Damon: Maybe because I think he blew up 12 people at the Young farm Elena: What?! Damon: A little tip, Professor: I heard you before you even took your first step Shane: I see we're back to the false accusation part of our relationship Elena: What is he talking about? Shane: Da... ha. Damon discovered that I was in contact with pastor Young prior to the explosion at the Young farm. The pastor was severely depressed. He had lost his wife to cancer, and he sought me out for a little supernatural assistance. I tried to help, but he was too far gone. It's just I never expected that he'd take 11 innocents with him (Jeremy and Bonnie enter) Jeremy: Elena (Damon gets up) Jeremy: It's okay. I think we've got this Bonnie: Elena, don't move, ok? No matter what Shane: Jeremy, remember the detour. Choose the right path [Mystic Falls Square] (Haley is talking with Klaus. Stefan watches them from afar. She gets closer to Klaus, says something and leaves. Stefan rejoins him) Klaus: She doesn't like me much. Where have you been all day? Stefan: I've been around Klaus: I'm not interested in vagaries, Stefan. You've been dodgy and Caroline's been lovely, which I've come to recognize as a tool of distraction. Now do you have something to share with me, or should I compel it out of you? Stefan: I broke into your safe to look for the sword Klaus: Why? Stefan: Because I don't trust you Klaus: I showed you the sword. I explained its value. I've been on your side the entire time. What do you want from me...A secret brotherhood handshake? Stefan: I found the letters. You have a few pen pals over the centuries? Klaus: Well, is keeping my victims' letters really so different from writing their names on a wall, like you did, ripper? Loneliness, Stefan. That's why you and I memorialize our dead. There's the briefest of moments before we kill where we literally hold their life in our hands, and then we rip it away, and we're left with nothing. So gathering other people's letters or writing their names on a wall... It's a reminder... That in the end we're left infinitely and utterly alone [Mystic Grill] (April tries to enter the restrooms but the door is blocked by Caroline's body) April: Oh. Sorry. Oh. Hello? Are you ok? Um... Oh, my gosh! Caroline! Oh! Somebody help! Help! (Caroline gets up) April: Holy crap Caroline: Have you seen Hayley? April: You didn't have a pulse. You were dead (Caroline calls Stefan) Caroline: Stefan, it's me. That little werewolf slut has lost her mind. Go to the Lockwood cellar and make sure that Rebekah's body is still there. I'm gonna find Tyler. Hayley is trying to screw this up (She hangs up and compels April) Caroline: Forget everything you just saw and heard. You are miss Mystic Falls, and you have duties to fulfill April: Okay (She leaves) (Caroline gets out of the restrooms and runs into Matt) Matt: There you are. Stefan has been looking for you. Adrian's leading Klaus to the cellar Caroline: How come the only time April Young isn't following you around like a lost puppy is when I'm lying dead with a broken neck? Matt: April saw you? Caroline: Yeah. It's ok. I compelled her Matt: She's... she's wearing Jeremy's vervain bracelet. She can't be compelled [Mystic Falls' Square] (Tyler is on the phone with his mother) Tyler: Hey, mom. I don't see you. Things have changed. It's gonna be fine. I'll be back later. I'll pick you up (Haley rejoins him) Tyler: What are you doing here? You're supposed to be taking the witch to the cellar Haley: There is no witch, Tyler Tyler: What? Haley: I made it up [The woods] (The hybrids are waiting) Kim: Where the hell is the witch? Adrian should be here any minute (They turn themselves and see Adrian) Adrian: Kim (Klaus rips his heart out) Kim: No! [Mystic Falls' Square] Haley: I never intended for you to put Klaus down. I needed him for the sacrifice Tyler: What? Haley: I don't know how to explain it, but I made a deal with someone who can help me find my family Tyler: What are you talking about? What kind of deal? Haley: There needed to be 12 for the sacrifice, Tyler Tyler: 12 what? Haley: I'm sorry Tyler: Hayley, what did you do? Haley: If you run now, you might make it out alive [The woods] (Klaus kills all the hybrids. Once they're all dead, he follows Kim into the Lockwood's cellar) Klaus: Where is Tyler Lockwood? You'd do well to answer me, love. Where is he?! Kim: I don't know Klaus: Wrong answer (He kills her) [Gilbert's Lake House] (Elena, Bonnie and Jeremy are looking at the Christmas decorations) Jeremy: Check this out Elena: Jenna used that to make out with Logan fell (Damon is outside looking at them. Elena watches him and rejoins him) Elena: All the drama, and you're missing the actual fun part Damon: Elena, we can't. I can't Elena: Damon, you can't keep telling me that this isn't real. I know how I feel and that you feel it, too, so stop fighting it Damon: It's good to see you like that... All normal with your brother. I want that again for you. Christmas was always mine and Stefan's favorite holiday when we were kids, not that I've celebrated since. I kind of miss that Elena: You're thinking about how upset he'll be when he finds out that you and I are together Damon: I've been lying to him all day Elena: No. You were helping me with Jeremy Damon: The point is not what I was doing. The point is that I'm here with you. I was supposed to invoke the sire bond, Elena, send you away I was supposed to do the right thing by you and the right thing by my brother. Which is what I'm gonna do right now. You're gonna go home Elena: What? No. Damon... Damon: I'm gonna stay here with Jeremy. I'm gonna help him complete the mark. I'll teach him how to hunt. I'll protect him, and we'll kill vampires without you Elena: Damon, please Damon: I'm setting you free, Elena. This is what I want. This is what will make me happy [Salvatore's House] (Caroline rejoins Stefan in the library) Caroline: Matt can't find April. I can't reach Tyler. This is a disaster. Is this you in crisis mode? Because it's a lot more stealth than mine Stefan: I thought I'd be happier watching Klaus get led away to the slaughter, but for some reason, I can't help but feel kind of... Guilty Caroline: Yeah. You and me both. All day I've been trying to remind myself of all the horrible things he's done Stefan: See, that's the thing. We've all done horrible things. And I'm sitting here trying to figure out what makes us any better than him. And I think it's just that we have family we can trust Caroline: Yeah, you're right Stefan. Trust is everything. Have you heard from Damon? Stefan: Yeah. He's still with Jeremy at the lake house Caroline: Did he happen to mention... Where Elena was? Stefan: Wait. Why are you... why are you asking me this? They're together, aren't they? How together are they? Caroline, tell me. How together are they? [Gilbert's House] (Jeremy opens the door to Bonnie. They look at each other) Jeremy: Thank you (She embraces him. Damon and Elena go to the car. Bonnie goes into the car. Jeremy closes her door. Elena goes to the passenger side. She looks at Jeremy and he waves at her. He goes inside and she looks at Damon) Elena: I was ready to fight you on this, but suddenly every part of my body is telling me that I need to get in this car and leave you Damon: So do it [Mystic Falls' Square] (Carol is alone and leaves a voicemail to Tyler) Carol: Tyler, honey, you're supposed to be in my sober cab. I think I drank half the party (She hangs up and Klaus arrives) Klaus: Good evening, Carol. You're looking for Tyler... I'd like a little word with him myself Carol: Klaus, please. Don't hurt him. He's my son. He's all I have Klaus: And you're all he has. There's a beautiful symmetry to that, don't you think? (He drowns her, killing her and leaves)

A winter-themed party takes place in Mystic Falls, but amongst the celebration Caroline and Stefan argue with Tyler over what to do with Klaus and his hybrids. Stefan breaks into Klaus's house and attempts to steal Alexander the hunter's sword while Caroline once again plays "the distraction" to Klaus at the winter party. She comments on the piece of art Klaus donated for display, telling him honestly that it feels "lonely" to her. Meanwhile, Elena and Damon go to the Gilbert Lake House to help Jeremy face some dangerous inner demons with the help of Bonnie and Professor Shane, who shares that he knows where to find the cure to vampirism. When Hayley snaps Caroline's neck, to save her and Professor Shane's plan, April finds Caroline "Dead." April finds out about the supernatural things happening in Mystic Falls and that Rebekah is daggered in the Lockwood cellar. Finally, Klaus discovers Tyler's plan which leads to all 12 of the hybrids being killed and Klaus drowning Tyler's mother.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_06x03

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_06x03_0

[Scene: Joey's Dorm room. Joey is sitting in front of her laptop computer, trying to type an email to Dawson, and all she has managed to type so far is Dear Dawson and the title of the email The Incident . And from there she does not even know how to continue. She spends a long time trying to figure out how to start the email, but just can't figure out how to start. Audrey is just getting back to the room.] Joey: [Sighs] [Door opens] Audrey: Oh, my god! You're still there, like a vegetable. Joey: Writing a good e-mail is hard. Audrey: Yes, especially when it is a huge mistake. Joey: Shut up. Audrey: Joey, I am serious. E-mail expression is the scourge of the modern age. The internet has made it way too easy to express oneself. Ok, you have some fleeting thought. You send it. It lands with a thud in some unsuspecting person's mailbox. Said person then reads it, gets irked because you've recapped a conversation that you presumably already had. They fail to respond. You feel slighted. But if you must be one of these pathetic passive/aggressive e-mail types, far be it from me to stop you. What do you have so far? Joey: Well... I had "Dear Dawson," and then I erased it. Audrey: Why? I think that's a nice start. Joey: I seemed cold. Audrey: True. I mean, you did just nude-up with the guy. Oh, I'm sorry, or did you guys do it through a hole in a sheet because that's very Dawson and Joey to me. Joey: Again, shut up. Audrey: Sorry. Ok, so what do you want to say? Joey: I don't know. I mean, I don't like the way things ended, and I want him to know that I care, but I also want to hold on to my righteous indignation. Audrey: Obviously. Well, why don't you just pick up the phone and call him? Joey: I'm afraid we'll just fall right back into our old patterns. Trust me. E-mail is a far safer alternative at the moment. Audrey: Ok, if you must do this, then I say that you go for it. You know, be gooey and be embarrassing, but most of all, just be real, Joey. Say all of the things that you can't say to his face, the whole nine. Joey: You're right. I better get to work. But...thank you, Audrey. Audrey: No problem, sister Christian. [Joey goes back to the email and her words finally start flowing from her. She spends long hours typing out the email, as Audrey watches for a while, and finally goes to bed. Joey finishes it very late in the night, and clicks the address book and goes to Dawson's email address, and yawns as she clicks, but accidentally selects Campus-broken-email-Worthington.edu, which was right above his name, and sends the email out to the entire campus.] [Scene: Emma's Apartment. Jack has just woken up and comes downstairs to the kitchen when Emma is sitting at the counter, drinking a rather weird shake like drink, which is grayish in color. Jack half asleep walks by her noticing her drink and continues to the refrigerator.] Emma: That's gross. Emma: That's gross. Yeah. I thought you'd be more Jack: sensitive? Well-groomed? Up by 6:00 drinking a zone shake? Emma: To begin with. Jack: And I thought you'd be little more Emma: Snaggletoothed? Sucking down the tea? Choking on bangers and mash? Jack: [Chuckles] Yeah. Well, it's a service we provide to those less educated of our cultures-- you and I... we keep them guessing. [Pacey comes downstairs all dressed up in suit and tie for work.] Jack: [Snickering] Pacey: Ok, ok. Yuck it up, kiddies, 'cause this is how I will appear every morning in all my formal glory. Some of us actually have to work for a living. Jack: Oh, poor Pacey Witter has a job that million would want that he's vastly under qualified for. Pacey: Oh, come on. Jack: What's up with that hair, man? Why is it... the way it is? Pacey: It's too much product? Emma: Now, are you sure that blonde of yours isn't a ruse, Pacey? Pacey: Emma, you know, if you can't deal with the man love, [Slap] I don't think this thing's gonna work out. Emma: Don't remind me. And I know you've got this brilliant job and all, but you're still going to have to put the dishes in the wash before you go. Pacey: Which is exactly why I came down here. Emma: And you, jack, left the door unlocked last night after the hard sell you two boys gave me about free security. Jack: That wasn't me. That was him. [Pacey points at Jack from behind his back] I'm totally nonconfrontational. All right, ok. All right, duly noted. Man, between the suit and nagging it's like a good old-fashioned American family around here. [Scene: Joey's Dorm Room. It is now morning and Joey is just waking up. She walks over to her computer to see if she has gotten a response from Dawson, and when she opens her mailbox, she finds hundreds of responses to her email, and goes to the Sent email box, and notices that she sent the email to the entire school. She begins to freak.] Joey: Audrey! Audrey: What? Joey: Audrey, wake up. Audrey: What? Joey: The e-mail. Audrey: What about it? Joey: I sent it to everyone, not like "the gang" everyone-- countless strangers, "campus wide" everyone. Audrey: Well, honey, why would you do that? Joey: It was a mistake. I was tired. I clicked on the wrong address. Audrey: See? I told you that wasn't a good idea. Joey: That's all you have to say? Audrey: I don't know. Sucks to be you? [Audrey goes back to sleep] [Scene: Pacey's Work. Pacey is just arriving to work to notice that the place is bustling with activity. HE seems to be a little confused, and notices Rich over by one of the desks and heads over towards him.] Rich: Witter! Pacey: Rinaldi. Rich: That's "sir" until you buy me flowers, Witter. Where have you been? Pacey: I'm really sorry. I was just under the impression that I wasn't supposed to be here until 9:00. Rich: Ahh, "supposed to." Well, that's cute. Are you supposed to dress yourself, or does your mommy actually want you to look like a pansy? Look around. You see these guys? Apparently, these gentlemen are free thinkers. Since you've yet to grow a pair, you get stuck with these. [Hands him a stack of folders] Pacey: And what's all this? Rich: That is a collection of about 30 cold days in hell: Rich guys sittin' on piles of money so high that their daughters eloped and sold their own babies on the black market just to put ramen on the table. We have never been able to sell them stock, and they will certainly never buy it from the tardy likes of you. You better get on the phone. We work on commission here. And the guys on your list don't know how dreamy you are, so I would work that blue collar charm full-throttle. Stop battin' your eyes at me. Pacey: Is this some sort of punishment? Rich: I'm just tryin' to get you to leave. I don't have enough desks. Guy: [Chuckles] [Scene: Pop Culture Class. Jen is about to walks into an aisle of seats when Jack stops her so that he can go in first] Jack: No, Jen. Jen, can I sit on the inside? I want to sit on the inside. Jen: Sorry. Jack: What? Jen: Ahh... sorry. Are we done playing musical chairs yet? Jack: I just want to be able to see the board. Jen: Don't insult me with your scholarly guise. You just want to get a good look at freeman. [They come up to a seat next to Audrey] Audrey: And why not? Mother, may I? Jen: Audrey, not that we don't enjoy having you here, because we do, but don't you have your own classes to go to? Audrey: Worthington's charms are lost on me. Jen: Miss one more week, and maybe they'll just kick you out. Audrey: Awesome. Jack: Guys, shh! Jen: Ok, I forgot to tell you. This is studious jack, not to be confused with fun-time jack. He doesn't like to miss a word of freeman's lecture, so you should just try to keep it down. Audrey: So tell me something. Between m and grams, how do nap during class? [SCENE_BREAK] Freeman: Ok, everyone... Jen: You Don't Jack: Shh! Shh! Guys, guys, guys. Freeman: Before we get started, I just wanted to inform those among you who are truly enamored with our twisted culture. That there's a little extra credit assignment today. Now, my heart be broken if nobody shows up. I will, however, silently judge you for the rest of the semester. There's a theater downtown that's showin' a double-feature which exemplifies our culture's obsession with the beautiful girl who plays ugly. The plain Janes who go on to grace the covers of Cosmo the same month their makeover movies come out. Jen: Oh, no. Scholarly jack is gonna make me watch miss congeniality again. Audrey: I love that movie. Jen: Eh-heh! Freeman: So, see me after class for details. [Scene: Heston's English Class. There is a lot of commotion in the class and you can see everyone going over printed copies of Joey's email, and giggling to one another. Joey arrives to class late again, and everyone stops and looks up at her, including Heston who is handing out some copies of something. Joey walks across the room and sits in an empty seat.] Heston: Ok, kiddies, knock back your ritalin and settle down. You may recall, we were wrapping up a rather depraved discussion of Portnoy's complaint last week. Sadly, we won't be dabbling in Roth's stream-of-consciousness sexual rivers much longer, but fate assigned us some additional reading last night via e-mail. I think you all got a copy, so why not? Let's discuss something you actually might've read. "Dear Dawson, I don't know where to begin." Joey: Uh, professor Heston Heston: nobody likes a show-off, potter. You don't reach a point for several paragraphs, so I'll skip ahead. "In the moment when we touched, maybe we went somewhere else that rose above all this, but then we landed, and I think maybe we crashed." Class: [Laughter] Heston: Why, when broaching the topic of s*x, do so many writers try to write themselves out of it? Sexuality and all its dysfunctions are intrinsic to the human experience, maybe the one thing we can all relate to at the end of the day-- well, neurosis and the god thing aside. And the reason that Roth seduced us and miss morning after here didn't is that while Roth isn't afraid to get his hands quite literally dirty with rapid-fire sensual description, our e-mail author here distances herself from the act with vague metaphors. Can't be stream of consciousness if you're observing from the shores... right? [Heston heads over towards Joey and she does her best to ignore everyone. Just trying to ignore that this has happened at all] Heston: Right. [She looks around and notices everyone laughing at her] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Pacey's place of work. Pacey is trying to sell someone over the phone.] Pacey: Well...no. I mean, I certainly understand that logic, Mr..."Engel." But m telling you, if you invest in this stock right now, your value, I mean, it's-- it'll double...eventually. The stock? Well, the stock-- the stock is strong. I mean, if you-- percentage wise? Well, yeah. You're probably looking at a good 15--hello? [The person hangs up] Rich: Smooth, Witter. Pacey: Ah, the guy just caught me off-guard. Rich: Listen, you gotta stop making excuses. I've heard you on the phone this morning. You think people are gonna relate to a plucky, blue-collar kid from southie? Pacey: Capeside. Rich: Whatever. It still reeks of the white picket and the black lab. You're talking to these people like you're trying to get a date for Friday night. "I'm Pacey. I'm sensitive. I care about your needs." That's the angle of the guy that's trying to sell the herald. Don't make him feel like the prettiest girl in the room. Make them feel like morons for doubting your financial prowess. Pacey: So you actually want these people to hang up on me? Rich: No. I want them to believe you, which is never going to happen unless you put some heart into it, Witter. Pacey: Ok, fine. How am I supposed to sell them the stock? I don't even know what the damned thing is. Rich: Find your in with these guys. Become them. Become who they want to be. Think with those judgmental, ageist, racist, sexist, stereotyping parts of your brain that you've worked so hard to conquer. Believe me, you're never gonna land a guy like topper playin' the nice guy. Pacey: And who exactly is Topper? Rich: Mr. Eli Topper is the next guy in your pile, fantastically hard sell. He lives in a little apartment on the outskirts of Boston, doesn't want to pay the city tax. He made his money in the eighties, and now he's just sittin' on it. Pacey: Why do you bother going to all the trouble of gettin' that money if you're not gonna use it to better your life? Rich: Guys like topper believe it can buy them an upgrade in heaven. Since you and I know we're never going there, grab your keys. We're goin' off campus. [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey has shown up for her first day of work, and Emma is showing her the ropes.] Emma: Ok, so remember, you can't technically pour the alcohol, at least not while I'm on with you. No need to bring in the visa beasts. Joey: No offense, Emma, but you do know I've worked in a restaurant before. I've seen them built. I've seen them burn down, not that I had anything to do with that. Emma: Fascinating, but you've never worked in this dive, now, have you? Come on, then. Have a go at table 3. [SCENE_BREAK] Girl 1: All I know is that I would think long and hard before sending an e-mail like that to a guy I just slept with. Girl 2: I know, right? I mean, unless you just never wanted to hear from him again. Joey: Do you guys know what you want? Guy: Come on. Not all guys are like that. Girl 1: Oh, whatever, mike. Girl 2: You're gay. Girl 1: Can I have a quesadilla and a pale ale? Guy: Well, maybe the guy is gay, too, and that's why he screwed her over. Girl 1: Ok, look, she is obviously starving for attention, broadcasting it like that? I mean, really, what's the point? Unless you're on the real world or whatever. Joey: You know, maybe-- and this is just a shot in the dark-- she didn't mean to send it to the gossips at large. Maybe she's just trying to get some private closure, never dreamed she'd be subjected to the Oprah psychobabble of her life-lacking peers. Now, do you guys want something to eat, or should I just bring over a nice tray of bon-bons so you guys can hunker down and watch your stories? Girl 2: Eh-hee! Maybe later. [Scene: Boston Bay Campus. Jack, Jen, and Audrey are heading to the theater to watch the extra credit movie. When they get there the notice Professor Freeman standing outside] Jen: [Laughter] Boston bay is not a party school, Audrey. Audrey: Spare me your lies, Jen. I am not going back to my evil den of higher learning. This is clearly where it's at. Jack: Hey, the midday keggers get a little old after a few semesters, trust me. [He notices Freeman by the door to the theater] I tell you what, I'm gonna meet you guys in there. I'm gonna go talk to professor freeman. Jen: Don't you think that's a tad Tracey flick? He doesn't know who you are. Jack: Sure he does. I've raised my hand and talked in class a lotta times. He's noticed. He has. Jen: All right... swim fan. Somebody has got to talk to that boy about his love of the straights. Audrey: Whatever. It's totally hot. [Jack leaves them and heads over to Freeman] Jack: Hey. Not a very big turn out, huh? Freeman: No, um, apparently not. Jack: I guess not everybody is as enthusiastic about the girl who cried ugly as we are. Freeman: Right. I'm sorry. Do I know you? Jack: Uh, no. Sorry. Jack McPhee. I'm in your pop culture class? Freeman: Oh, I'm sorry, jack. That class is massive, hard to keep people straight. Jack: Heh heh! I'll bet. Ahem. I'll--I'll see you in there. Freeman: Ok. [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey is working behind the bar with Emma.] Emma: You're sure I haven't made a fantastic mistake, then, living with those 2? Joey: Nope. I'm sure you won't be bored. Emma: Now, that's a cold comfort. [She looks up and sees Heston walk into the bar.] Joey: You've gotta be kidding me. Emma: Him? Yeah, he comes in here all the time. Joey: Oh, of course he does. He's obviously been assigned to ruin my life, and he seems determined to do it in record time. Emma: Listen, I'm not going to run for cover every time a dark cloud forms over your head. So I suggest you nip this in the bud. It's all yours. [She leave Joey to him] Heston: I can see why this joint would be much more alluring that the confines of the English department: All that silence, all those books. Joey: And then, of course, your constant positive reinforcement. Heston: Yeah. Right. That would get really annoying after a while. Are you waiting for me to order, or did you have somethin' to say? 'Cause it kinda looks like you've got your bone-to-pick face on. Joey: And how would you know what that looks like? Heston: Word gets around. I'll just have a tuna melt and a beer. Joey: Sure. [she turns to get his order but stops and turns back to him.] Professor Heston Heston: oh, there you go. Joey: Yeah, here I go. Look, I'm sure your hard-as-nails thing really works for you. I'm sure it earns you respect, and I'm sure that I will learn a lot in your class. But after today, I really wish you would've turned me away when you had the chance. Heston: I thought you'd be flattered to be in the spotlight. I don't single people out that often. Joey: Contrary to what you apparently believe, I'm not an idiot, professor Heston, and I'm fairly certain in the 20 minutes you spent mocking formative was a major off ramp from modern comp lit. And I'd just like to know, does today's total evisceration exonerate me, say, through November, or does this sort of public ridicule delight you indefinitely? Heston: Why, I don't know. I mean, we're about to get into the poignant ramblings of Joyce and Woolf, and your work provides such a marked contrast. Hey, Joey... you do fancy yourself a writer, correct? Joey: Yeah, you could call it a hobby. Heston: So I'm sure that you've gathered at this point that on top of being neurotic and plagued with self-doubt, writers have to endure public humiliation every once in a while. You were the one that walked into my office promising me fearless academic ego, but I have yet to see it. If you can't handle my class-- and countless have died trying-- why don't you just quit? Joey: I'm not a quitter. Heston: People love saying that. It's like they saw it in some movie once and they liked the way it sounded. Joey: I'm not just saying it, ok? I wanted to take your class because I wanted to learn something, and I wanted to work hard, but I didn't want to be personally ridiculed in the process. Heston: Your heartfelt rant to what's his name proved good fodder for the topic at hand. It's hard to write that s*x stuff, which you aptly proved. And if, by chance, one day you manage to get your writing circulated beyond the campus in box, there will always be an irritable writer type claiming to do better. Maybe you didn't mean for this one to go out into the world. Whatever. Bygones. Declare victory and move on. Joey: Where's the victory in this little scenario? Heston: One down, only a lifetime of proving yourself left to go. And if you're staying in my class, start proving that it's worth it... to one of us, at least. [Scene: Pacey's Car. Pacey and Rich are driving down the road, and Rich is having some trouble with the state of Pacey's messy car. He flings a few items from the dashboard into the back seat.] Rich: Man, you don't actually sleep in this car, do you? Pacey: Not recently. I just moved into a new place. Rich: Good 'cause I don't want to start feeling sorry for you or anything. You don't, uh, see these around much anymore. Pacey: Oh, come on, man. This is a great car. I mean, sure, it's a lot of work, but she's worth it, you know? Rich: Yeah. Turn into that dealership right over there. Pacey: What? Are we goin' for a test drive? Rich: Eh heh heh! That's one bonding experience that's passed us by. No. This one is signed and paid for. Just pickin' it up. [They pull up to dealership and see a very expensive car in the window.] Pacey: You've gotta be kidding. You cannot possibly be getting a Z8. Rich: Nice, huh? Pacey: Nice? How could you possible afford a car like that? You're not that much older than me. Rich: Yes, but I'm so much wiser. Don't sweat it. Maybe if you snag Topper, all this'll be yours before you know it. Nice car. I'll take it from here. Pacey: Hey, I happen to like my car, thank you very much. Rich: Yeah. You've got a way to get around town, but it's all about what your car says about you. Pacey: Ok, I'll bite. What does my car say about me? Rich: That you're a sentimental fool of a man-child. You're too weak for a real car, so you tinker with your little medium-cool vintage one. You surround yourself with all things good, but not good enough. You don't want to grow up, so you don't go to school and you borrow your suits and you let your facial hair run amuck. That's fine, but then why bother getting in the ring at all if you're not even gonna throw a friggin' punch? Pacey: What? Rich: Are you gonna go in that office every day and watch guys collect their money so you can write a thoughtful piece about it in your memoirs? Pacey: Well, maybe I don't care about any of that stuff. Maybe I'm just tryin' to pay my rent. Rich: Come on, Pacey. I see somethin' goin' on in there. You're not subjecting yourself to me because you like my tie. You're hungry. So quit effin' around and go for it already. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Pacey's Work. Pacey is in the middle of a very successful Phone conversation with a client compared to his earlier attempts.] Pacey: Hey, I hear you, Mr. Topper. When my father needed an open heart, I didn't even touch my savings. He got himself into that mess, he can get himself out. Right? But look, you and I are both very busy men, and if you don't want to hear about this stock today, that's fine by me. I'm just gonna call one of our more active buyers. Well, yes. The... the packet of information that my company sent you is certainly worth taking a look at... but it is nothing compared to what landed on my desk this morning. But, look, you and I... we both know-- you're not one of our more active buyers, so if you're not interested in this, that's fine by me. Just tell me right now, ok? Spare me the niceties, 'cause I am not your prom date. I'll just call my other guy. I mean, I made him 50 grand last week. I'm pretty sure he'll be happy to take my call. Right? Ok, so here's the story. The buyers in the market are playing it pretty close to the vest right now. But when they wake up in the morning, they're gonna be kickin' themselves, literally, because the buying price on this will have doubled. And if you get in right now, you're gonna be beatin' the guys who wake up in the morning, remember that they actually have a pair, and that greed is good, Eli. And the sucker down the street, he's never gonna know the joy that you know because by getting in early, you made 10 times the profit that he did, and that's somethin' you'll be able to rub in his face every time you pick up your paper. Ah. I knew you were a smart man the second you picked up the phone, Eli. [Chuckles] Um, let me just put you through to my assistant, and, uh, you can give her all your information. It has been a pleasure doin' business with you. [Pacey goes to the meeting room, where Rich has just finished a meeting.] Rich: Thanks, guys. Latham, get me that spreadsheet by 3:00. [ The rest of the people leave.] Don't you knock, Witter? I could've been havin' a nooner. Pacey: Oh, I thought you were. Anyway, guess what. In fact, you know what? Don't guess. You'll ruin it for me. I...just closed topper. Rich: You're kidding me. Pacey: No, my friend, I'm not. I closed topper. I sold him some BS line from an eighties movie, and he bought it. It was like I was a profiler. I could smell the cheap beer on this guy's breath. He would rather buy stock today and ask questions tomorrow just so long as he's the richest guy on the block that week. It's amazing. I sell, he buys. It's that simple. Can you believe it? Rich: You know what? I can't. Man. Witter, I knew you were a sneaky little twerp, but I never thought you'd pull this on me. Not today. Come here. Give me a hug. Pacey: You serious? Rich: No. But go to that refrigerator and get us some icy-cold beverages. I'm proud of you, son. Pacey: Will do! [Scene: The Theater. The movie has just let out, and Freeman is saying bye to a few students, and Jack, Jen and Audrey come out. Jack notices Freeman, and goes over to him.] Freeman: [Sighs] So anyway, I'll see you Tuesday. [The student leaves] Jack: Hey, professor freeman. Freeman: Hi. Jack, right? Jack: Yeah. Jen: Yeah. That's jack. I'm Jen. I'm in your class, too. Freeman: That's right. I've seen you two sit together. Jen: Mm-hmm. Hi. Freeman: Am I losing my mind? Are you in my class, too? Audrey: No! No, I'm just a really big fan of your work. You know? And the--and the work of...beautiful, ugly women everywhere, and I'm--I'm really just...interested in this pure culture of ours, and... yeah, so... do you guys want to go visit Joey at work and partake in some refreshments? Professor, you're more than welcome to join us if you're into the whole crossing the line kind of thing. Jack: You know what? That sounds great. I'll tell you what. Why don't you guys get the car, and I'll meet you at the corner. Freeman: You're gonna let me drive the Saab? Jack: [Chuckles] Of course, Jennifer. Why wouldn't I? Uh, so why don't you two skedaddle, and I'll see you in a second? [They go skipping off] [Both men chuckle] Freeman: Well, there you go. At least I know who's not in my class. Right? Jack: Yeah. Freeman: Did you forget something inside, jack? Jack: Oh. No. Uh, no. Look, I don't expect you to know who I am. I just wanted to tell you that, uh, I really enjoy your class. Freeman: Oh, w Jack: And I haven't really cared about school in a while. In fact, I haven't really cared about anything in a while. But, you know, seeing the work that you put into your lectures and seeing a teacher that's invested in being interesting and dynamic in class and not just tryin' to blow through another 50 minutes, it just, you know, really... means a lot to me. I didn't even really know what I was gonna declare as a major, but now it's, I don't know if it's the way that you word things or it's the subject matter, but... I walk away from class still thinking' about it, and--and, you know, I just look forward to the next time, and, uh... I was just wonderin' how I could become more... involved. You know. Freeman: [Chuckles uncomfortably] Are we talkin' about the class, Jack, or are we talkin' about me? Jack: W-wha--no. No. Oh. Um...no, that's not what I meant. It's just, you know-- I--I mean, I'm not-- well, I am, but Freeman: Don't sweat it. Um... look, I'm glad you like the class. And, uh...and I think it'll show in your work this semester. I-I'm walkin' this way. Are you? Jack: Yeah. Yeah. [Scene: Pacey's Work. Pacey is trying to work on the next client, but is not having much success with this one.] Pacey: But, Mr. Ickee, I'm telling you, it's a one-time-- hello? Cheap b*st*rd. Rich: Any luck? Pacey: Uh, no, not on that one. Rich: Yeah, knew you were a one-hit wonder. Pacey: You wish, man. Rich: Here, sport. Buy yourself some lunch. [He hands him some quarters] Pacey: Are you kidding? Rich: No, you gotta work your way up here come on, do it fast. No one else is getting lunch today. They'll think I've gone soft. 5 minutes. [Pacey goes to the lunch room where there are several other guys in there talking] Man: Did anyone hear it? Man 2: No, man, but Johnson said it was killer. Man: Yeah? Man 2: Yeah. Said it was like he smelled the blood and didn't stop until he tasted it. Man: [All laugh] He is so frickin' awesome. Mmm. Pacey: What's going on? Man: Oh, you didn't hear? Pacey: That's why I'm asking. Man: Rinaldi, man. He closed topper. [All laugh] Pacey: What? Man: They said it couldn't be done. Man 2: The guy is, like, my personal god. Man 3: [All laugh] Hey, ease up, Henderson. You're lookin' a little light in the loafers. Man 2: Hey, you think he'll get a partner for that? Man: Oh, he'll get something. [several leave and one of them is in line after him by the machine] Man: You gonna pick something or not? Pacey: Uh, no, man. Uh... look, in fact, this one's on me. Enjoy yourself, all right? [He hands him the quarters then leaves] [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey is walking towards the bar, when Eddie has just arrived for work. Eddie is heading behind the bar, putting on an apron, when Joey walks up to the bar.] Eddie: Hey. You start today? Joey: So it would appear. Uh, I need 2 beers and a vodka tonic. Um, Emma's in the back. Eddie: Oh, yeah, right, you can't pour your own drinks. Well, this should be fun, baby-sitting you on top of everything else. Joey: And what's that supposed to mean? Eddie: Oh, don't get all fired up, ok? You know, I'm just not in the mood to take on your rage against the world tonight. I'm sure you'll be just as oversensitive tomorrow. Joey: Oh, I get it. You wanna see me crack, huh? The endless horrors of the day are a waste unless they result in my nervous breakdown? Eddie: Oh, what, did you have a bad day or something? Joey: Oh, like you don't know. Too bad you didn't show up for class today and hear Heston's brilliant critique of my e-mail. That was the high point, I think, although I also loved walking into rooms to hear people whispering and laughing at me, and then there's nothing better than reaching for the last jell-o and getting unsolicited sexual advice from a stranger. Eddie: Sounds fascinating. Sorry I missed it. Joey: You know, contrary to popular belief, I didn't send that e-mail to get feedback from you and everyone else, and I was kind of thinking that since I've been mocked for the better part of the day, maybe you could spare me and concentrate on your own deep unhappiness for a while. Eddie: You know, strangely, before you got all... crazy confessional on me, that's exactly what I was doing. I hadn't been planning how to best torture you. You see, we don't just walk off into a void when we leave your line of vision. Some of us even have our own lives and don't even talk about you at all. Now, I'm sorry that some brutal ivy league kids made fun of your e-mail today. To tell you the truth, I'm not much of an internet kind of guy, so, sadly, I have missed yet another aspect of your riveting, charmed life. But if you can't pour the drinks, can you at least serve them? [He hands her, her drinks] Eddie: Thanks. [Scene: Pacey's work. It is the end of the day, and Pacey is watching everyone leave as he stands there waiting for Rich. Rich grabs his coat and notices Pacey standing there waiting.] Rich: Ahh... Witter. Thought you'd gone home. Pacey: Yeah, I figured you were waiting so you could sneak out the back door. But I just had a question I had to ask you, and--and, please, do me a favor and just spare me the dime store speech on what a sucker I am until I've left, okay? Rich: I can't promise you anything. Pacey: Yeah, I'm gettin' that. I just--I wanted to ask you why you bother with the act, with the whole, you know-- the "tough love, let me show you the ropes" act? 'Cause you don't actually want me to succeed, do you? In fact, you're praying for me to fail. That way you have one less sheep in the herd, right? And if I do succeed, then you're gonna be my friend? No, then you're gonna keep on taking my money that I earned and counting it as your own. Rich: Do you need me here for this, or... Pacey: Well, I just wanna know why you bother! Why would you take the time out of a busy day to build someone up and make them feel like they were worth something if you're just gonna steal all their glory at the end anyway? Rich: This is a business. I didn't wake up this morning looking for some plucky kid to take under my wing. I came here to do my job, just like every day. Running you hard? Yeah, that's my job. Singing your praises isn't. Landing Topper, that was a fluke. A genius fluke, but a fluke nonetheless. We don't hand those deals over to the little guys. You haven't even taken your series 7. That bodes well for the future, but today? It means nothing. Pacey: So, what, I'm just supposed to turn the other way on this? I'm supposed to slap you on the back, congratulate you on a job well done like the rest of your minions? No, man! That is not why I came here. Rich: You can do what you wanna do. Maybe you'd rather continue floating numbly in the status quo. Maybe you wanna be me, and that's so scary you can't think straight. So walk away, Witter. It's what you do. And this is what I do, and I'm freakin' good at it. You wish you were this good, and that's why you bother trying. You think someone didn't do the exact same thing to me? [Laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Jen, Audrey and Jack are sitting at a table when Joey comes up to them carrying a tray. She puts a pitcher of pop on the table, and gives them each a glass.] Jack: Done like a true professional. Joey: More like a permanent bar wench. Jen: Sorry it was such a bad day, Jo. Joey: Serves me right. We don't take kindly to closure in these parts. Audrey: You know, if it makes you feel any better, I hardly heard about the e-mail all day long. Joey: Audrey, you weren't on campus all day. Audrey: Details, Joey! Jen: Does Dawson even know about it? Joey: No, that's the thing. I mean, it wasn't even addressed to him. My intimate aftermath was discussed in English class, but Dawson will never know. Jen: Well, maybe that's not such a bad thing, because this way there's a little more space between you guys, and, uh, technically, you still have a clean slate. Jack: Yeah, seriously, I mean, personal humiliation could've been a lot worse than the public kind. Jen: Yeah. Audrey: What dream world are you two living in? [She realizes that they were trying to comfort Joey] Oh... right. Sorry. Ok, so, I have an idea, I'll be, like, your sponsor, and then the next time you're Jonesing to express yourself, you can just call me. [Pacey comes in to join them] Joey: Hey. Audrey: Pacey! Pacey: Ohh! Oh, dear, lord. Audrey: Aah! Today was terrible! Don't ever go back to work, never, never, never, never, never! Pacey: Don't tempt me. Audrey: Ohh, you know I will! Pacey: Hey, guys. Jen: Hello, Mr. Witter. We're not drinking, we swear. Jack: Rough day. Pacey: Oh, you don't know the half of it. Can you save a seat for me? I'm gonna go freshen up. Audrey: Yeah. [Pacey leaves to go back to the bathroom] Joey: Is he ok? Audrey: I don't know, but it's not my fault, I swear. [Jen notices Eddie at the bar.] Jen: Joey, who is that? Joey: Eddie. Jen: He is a ruggedly dreamy sort. Joey: He's got a major chip on his shoulder, the size of which rivals only the one on my shoulder. He's ok. Jack: Is Emma still here? Joey: Uh, no, she left about an hour ago. I think she was heading home. Audrey: How is it living with her? Does she run around in her underwear and ask you guys to zip things up for her? Jack: That's funny. Actually, the three of us took a bath together this morning. Jen: And I thought you only took baths with grams. [Pacey returns and turns to Audrey] Pacey: Hey, can we go get a breath of fresh air for a sec? Audrey: Of course, honey. [Scene: Outside Hell's Kitchen. Audrey and Pacey are leaning on his car talking about his rough day at work.] Audrey: Pacey, that is bull! You can't let this guy get away with it. He's just gonna keep doing it! Pacey: I have no doubt that he will, but I don't think tattling on him is gonna do any good. This is the way that they do business. I didn't know that getting in, but I know it now. The only question that remains is how do I get through the days? Audrey: Well, that doesn't sound like the greatest way to live. Pacey, you're 20 years old and you're already waiting for time to pass. Honey, why don't you quit? Pacey: Ohh, because it's not that easy. Audrey: Yes, it is! Pacey, these are supposed to be, like, the easiest days of our lives. I mean, we're supposed to be in there with our friends, you know, coming up with ridiculous drinking games and making each other laugh. I think we've all kind of figured out that the real world is a pretty crappy place, so what's the rush in getting there? Pacey: Because sooner or later you run out of places to hide. Audrey, you seem to be operating under the assumption that you can do whatever you like, and you just can't! I made the grave mistake of peeking behind the curtain, and now I can't pretend that I think the fantasy is the same as the reality. Plus, I've been killing time for too long. I wanna make something for myself, whether it's easy or not. Audrey: Well, I'm sorry that you feel like I've been a colossal waste of your time. Pacey: That's not what I mean, and you know it. You and I come from very different worlds, you know that, right? I mean, I don't even think I realized how different until I went out to L.A. With you this summer. Audrey: My dad is a heartless old fool just like your dad. He just wears more expensive suits, that's all. Pacey: Yes, he does. I'm not expressing this very well, am I? I'm trying to say that... I need respect. Audrey: I respect you! Pacey: I know you respect me, and I love you for it, but that's not what I'm talkin' about. I need respect out there. And maybe I gotta take a different path than I thought I was going to, but c'est la vie. The only thing I know for sure right now... is I need sleep! Audrey: Mmm. Pacey: Mmmm-hmmm So if you and I go home right now, we will sleep, right? Audrey: We can do whatever you want. Is it always gonna be like this? Pacey: I don't know. I can't tell. Come on. Audrey: Now, we're not talkin' immediate sleep he, are we, baby? Pacey: No. Audrey: Good! [Both laugh] [Scene: Inside Hell's Kitchen. IT is late, and Jen and Jack are getting ready to go Joey is just cleaning up some of the tables near by.] Jack: Uhh! Jo. Thanks. We're outta here. Jen: Good night. Joey: Bye, guys. [They leave, and Joey finishes cleaning the table, and walks towards Eddie, who is counting out some money.] Eddie: That's your share. Joey: Thanks. Look, Eddie, about earlier Eddie: Hey, don't sweat it. Hey, I didn't miss anything big in class today, did I? I mean, aside from the, uh, no. [The song from the Season opener that reminds Joey of Dawson begins playing on the jukebox. Eddie can tell that it disturbs Joey.] Eddie: Man, I--I hate this song. Joey: Yeah, me, too. [Eddie walks over to the Jukebox and kicks it, and the song skips] Joey: [Chuckles] [Eddie kicks it a second time and the song stops and goes onto another one.] Joey: Thank you. [They continue cleaning up the rest of the bar together] [Scene: Emma's Apartment. Emma is again at the counter drinking her very strange shake like drink. Jack comes downstairs half out of it again.] Emma: Uh, thanks for doing the dishes. Jack: Oh, I think that was Pacey. I heard him get up somewhere around the crack of dawn. Emma: Well, he cleans and he leaves before I wake up. That's more than I can say for my last boyfriend. Jack: [Chuckles] Man, do I not wanna go to classes today. Emma: Why? I mean, aside from typical sloth? Jack: Yeah. Ah, it's-- it's my professor. He just... [Sighs] Never mind. Emma: No, what? Jack: Well... I don't know. I mean, we-- we had this really weird moment yesterday where it seemed like I was into him. Emma: Well, did it seem like you're into him or do you really fancy him? Jack: Yeah, I really fancy him, ok, but I don't want him to know that. Emma: [Laughs] Well, maybe he was flattered. Jack: Uh, or maybe he was... married? Emma: Well, he should be flattered. Jack: Yeah, you know what? Give me--give me some of that stuff. Emma: Yeah... ok... [HE takes a sip of it, and instantly spits it out into the sink.] Jack: Ohh! God! Emma: [Giggling] Jack: This stuff is horrible! Emma: [Laughing] Yes, I know! Jack: How do you drink this crap? Emma: Well... [She snaps at him with a twisted up towel] come on... Jack: yeah, come [He begins chasing her, and catches her and picks her up.] Emma: Aah! [Laughing] [Scene: Pacey's Work. It is bright and early, and Pacey is the only one there. Pacey goes over and grabs a book from one of the desks and begins thumbing through it, when he notices Rich walk in. Rich is actually surprised to see him there, and Pacey smiles at the discomfort on Rich's face.] Pacey: Good morning. Rich: Good morning. [Scene: The school Campus. Joey is late, yet again to Heston's class, and is running to make it to the class. Bumping into people along the way] Joey: Oh, sorry! [She arrives at the class, and makes her way into an open seat.] Heston: Oh, it's so nice to see you, potter. Hope our pesky class didn't interfere with your all-important e-mail schedule. Whip out another diatribe last night? [Class laughs] Joey: Actually, I did. I was hoping this was it. Did you guys not get it? Heston: Oh, this is actually a copy of the article that I assigned to follow up the reading. I know your mini-drama probably prevented you from even looking at the syllabus. Joey: Well, most of yesterday consisted of eviscerating my personal life, and every other lesson is a rant composed of your dated theories. I'm sorry I'm late, professor Heston, but the first half of class is usually when you reveal how bitter you are, how moronic we are, and how literature is dead. Were you thinking of moving on to something slightly more stimulating today? [Heston actually smiles at Joey's response to him and continues on with the class.] Heston: Well, I-- I think we've been spending too much time together, potter, if that's your attitude. I mean, I was thinking of teaching today, but I don't know if I've got a lot to offer, what with the tenure and the published articles and all. But if you all insist on being stimulated, why don't we discuss James Joyce's description of the girl on the beach. I mean, I'm too hackneyed to illuminate the subject, but maybe you can shed some light. Wilson... what do you think? [She looks over at Eddie who just smiles and winks his approval to her] [Scene: The movie set. Dawson is sitting in a office at his laptop trying to type an email to Joey. He is in the same predicament that Joey was in, not knowing what to say. He starts typing when he is interrupted by Todd's voice from the other room.] Todd: Leery! Come on, break's over! [Dawson closes the email without sending it, and joins Todd in the other room]

Joey's worst nightmare comes true when she accidentally sends a very personal e-mail she wrote for Dawson to the entire student body. The next morning, Joey's e-mail is the topic of virtually all campus discussions when Professor Hetson decides to debate it with his students. Meanwhile, Jack makes an attempt to get to know a little better his cultural professor, Mark Freeman, who pays no attention to Jack. Pacey, while struggling to survive the first days on his new job, closes a very important deal for the firm, which his wheeling-dealing mentor Rich Rinaldi takes full credit for. Eddie, a student in Joey's reading class, who also works as the bartender at Hell's Kitchen, persuades Joey to confront any challenge that Hetson throws and not show any weakness since Hetson thrives on it. James Van Der Beek only appears in the last scene of the episode, and doesn't have any lines.

fd_NCIS_03x05

fd_NCIS_03x05_0

MUSIC IN: INT. CAR - MOVING WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) Well, what do you want? JERRY: (INTO PHONE) Honey, I don't care. Whatever you want. WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) You don't care? JERRY: (INTO PHONE) I didn't mean I don't care like that. I'm just not that picky. WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) How come I always come up with the ideas? JERRY: (INTO PHONE) Why don't you make that thing you made the first night I came over? WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) What was that thing I made? JERRY: (INTO PHONE) It had a green sauce, right? WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) You don't even know, do you? JERRY: (INTO PHONE) Honey, do we have to do this now? WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) You never remember anything we've done. JERRY: (INTO PHONE) It's our anniversary! WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) You never listen to me! In fact, Jerry... (SFX: GUNFIRE) WENDY: (V.O./FILTERED) Jerry! Jerry! (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAR CRASHES OVER THE EMBANKMENT) (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Hey, finish that database yet, Probie? MCGEE: Yesterday. TONY: Well then it should have been on my desk yesterday, shouldn't it? MCGEE: I didn't realize a compilation of nudie bars was that urgent. TONY: Well, it is. MCGEE: Why? TONY: I don't have to explain myself to a junior agent. MCGEE: Okay, is this work related because..? TONY: But I will just this once. It's a mercy mission, Probie. A buddy of mine is getting married to a particularly unpleasant beast of a woman. MCGEE: So? TONY: So? So the memory of his bachelor party will be the only thing that sustains him through the rest of his miserable existence. MCGEE: I will print it out as soon as I'm finished with this, okay? TONY: On behalf of men everywhere we thank you, Probie. What are you working on? MCGEE: I'm reviewing my credit card statement - there appears to be some anomalies. TONY: Fifty DVD copies of Forrest Hump? MCGEE: Yeah, see I don't even know what a Forrest Hump is. TONY: Well, it's like Forrest Gump with naked people, Probie. MCGEE: What? TONY: It's a porno... or so I've been told. MCGEE: It's... it's obviously an error with the credit card company. TONY: Or it's identity theft! MCGEE: No. It's not possible. I use a secure browser and the latest firewall protection. TONY: Look at that. A five thousand dollar charge from John Deere. A down payment on that combine you've always dreamed of, Probie. GIBBS: Put the farm equipment on hold. A sailor was Shot on Route Two Forty Nine. Tony, grab the gear. Green Acres -- gas the truck. Where the hell is David? MCGEE: Ah, Boss, Officer David is... uh... ZIVA: Late. I took the wrong bus this morning. Had to walk from the Eighteenth Street stop. TONY: That's a tough part of town. ZIVA: I've been in worse. Won't happen again, Gibbs. GIBBS: I know. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD - DAY HAMPTON: Special Agent Gibbs? TONY: No, he's the older gentleman with the smile on his face. HAMPTON: Agent Gibbs, car's in the crevice at the bottom. The victim's dead inside. Lieutenant Hampton, Virginia State Police. The last few yards are pretty steep. One of the EMTs managed to make it all the way down. The fire department's bringing in special equipment to extricate the body. It's going to take a while. GIBBS: McGee. MCGEE: Yeah. GIBBS: Sketch. Get close enough without breaking your neck. MCGEE: On it. GIBBS: DiNozzo, photos. Is there a problem? TONY: You didn't say anything about my neck. But I'll be careful. ZIVA: What about me? GIBBS: Who called it in? HAMPTON: His wife. She was on the phone with him when it happened. GIBBS: Officer David, take her statement. ZIVA: I should warn you I'm not very good with women. GIBBS: Well that'll make two things you're not very good at today. ZIVA: And the first!? GIBBS: Being on time. DUCKY: I'm sorry for the delay, Jethro. JIMMY: Traffic was murder. Sorry, poor choice of words there. GIBBS: See what you can get, Duck. He's trapped in there pretty good. DUCKY: Oh, we'll do our best. But I hope you brought more appropriate footwear, Mister Palmer. Our journey to our Petty Officer looks rather challenging. JIMMY: Don't worry, Doctor. I have a merit badge in hiking. DUCKY: I have a driver's license, Mister Palmer. It doesn't mean I turn up at Indianapolis in my Morgan. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SIDE OF HIGHWAY - DAY ZIVA: You were on the phone with him when he was shot? WENDY: He couldn't remember pesto and it pissed me off. How stupid is that? ZIVA: Could you tell me how many shots? WENDY: Do you know what the last words I said to him were? I called him a b*st*rd and I can't take it back. Not now I can't. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CLEARING - DAY TONY: If it's any consolation, Probie, I had my identity stolen once. MCGEE: Really? TONY: I had a charge on my VISA for a vintage Barbie doll. Career Girl outfit. MCGEE: Ooh, with the matching briefcase and pumps? Oh, I had a girlfriend who collected once. We used to line them up on the.... TONY: I lost respect for you at the word pumps. Back to work. MCGEE: It's kind of hard to sketch from this distance. TONY: Well, don't get any closer. It gets steeper as it gets deeper. One false move and-- (F/X: JIMMY RUNS PAST) JIMMY: Whoa! Whoa! Ah!! TONY: Good hustle, Palmer. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - DAY ZIVA: No skid marks. He didn't attempt to control the car before it went over. They were having an argument over a six month anniversary. I don't understand the half year thing. I thought perhaps... GIBBS: I don't understand anniversaries, period. ZIVA: Apparently, neither did her husband. She was screaming at him on the phone when she heard a loud gunshot followed by the crash. GIBBS: What else? ZIVA: She could hear a low moan for a few minutes after impact. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. RAVINE - DAY JIMMY: Oh, yeah. I think it's sprained, guys. Oh, Doctor Mallard's going to be upset, isn't he? MCGEE: Ah, wouldn't worry about him, but if Gibbs sees you wearing loafers at a crime scene.... TONY: He'll pretty much kill you dead. JIMMY: (IN PAIN) Ach!(TONY TOUCHES JIMMY'S ANKLE) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAR - DAY (SFX: DUCKY MOVES QUICKLY THROUGH THE BUSHES) DUCKY: Ah! They were having a little trouble with the help. Nothing for you to worry about. It's going to take more time than usual, but we're going to get you out of there, I promise. (SHOUTS) Is anybody going to (V.O.) join me down here? MCGEE: Uh.. Gibbs said not to get too close! TONY: Yeah, you really shouldn't be down there, Ducky. It's not safe. DUCKY: The exit wound to the Petty Officer's neck seems to indicate the bullet went straight through. (V.O.) There could be a spent round that might be crucial to our investigation. MCGEE: Why, as you've pointed out many times, I'm just a junior field agent. TONY: All the more reason you need the experience, Probie. MCGEE: How about I follow in your footsteps? You lead the way. TONY: How about you kiss my experienced buttocks? DUCKY: Am I going to have (ON CAMERA) to call Jethro (V.O.) on this one, gentlemen? TONY: No, we're good. The chances of finding that bullet are.... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: One in a million. You've got to see this, Gibbs. The grooves made that pattern. It's the exact same design as the cover of Plastic Death's second CD. Don't even tell me you don't know who Classic Death is because it's only like my favorite... GIBBS: Not now, Abby. ABBY: But it could be a sign, Gibbs. Like that tortilla skillet with the image of Jesus in it. They thought that was a miracle. GIBBS: It'll be a miracle if you still have a job if you don't get back on topic. ABBY: I see your point, O Great One. This is me getting back on topic. Nine millimeter. A hundred and twenty grain. The window was rolled up when he was shot. GIBBS: Glass. ABBY: There's traces in the rifling. GIBBS: Manufacturer. ABBY: Can't tell. I'm going to plug this into the FBI's DRUGFIRE database, and see if I get a match. But... GIBBS: But it's going to take a while. ABBY: See? Mind reading. There may be something supernatural going on here. GIBBS: Let me know when you have something. ABBY: I'll bet I could see this on eBay! Did you know they got twenty eight grand for the grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary on it? Gibbs? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: Preliminary trajectory shows that the bullet passed straight through the driver's side window. So I recommend we search the area along this path looking for spent brass. ZIVA: You won't find it. Nine millimeter rounds are slow and only accurate to about thirty meters. The shooter was in a moving car that pulled up alongside. TONY: Yeah, that is one possibility, Ziva. But, you see, we're investigators, which means we investigate things. We don't assume. GIBBS: She's right. Wife said she heard the gunshot over the phone. The shooter had to be close. ZIVA: Thank you. GIBBS: What do we know about Petty Officer Smith? MCGEE: Ah, ran his military I.D. He was a clerk at Norfolk. Had four months left before his discharge. GIBBS: Tony, take Ziva with you and check with the C.O. When you're done with that, sweep the trajectory for brass. ZIVA: But why? You just said... GIBBS: Because DiNozzo's right, too. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NORFOLK NAVAL STATION - DAY ZIVA: All of these people are in the military. TONY: Yeah, the uniforms are kind of a dead giveaway. ZIVA: Then why aren't they armed? TONY: Because we're in America, and the machine guns would just get in the way. MORRIS: (INTO PHONE) All right. Okay. TONY: Commander. MORRIS: What can I do for NCIS today? TONY: I'm sorry I have to tell you this, Sir, but one of your men was killed this morning. MORRIS: My god, who? ZIVA: Petty Officer Jerry Smith. MORRIS: Smith? TONY: He was shot on Route Two Forty Nine on his way into work. MORRIS: I think you have my man confused with someone else. That's Petty Officer Jerry Smith right over there. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY SMITH: Why would anyone want to impersonate me? ZIVA: Let's see. Blackmail, espionage, terrorism, potential assassination. SMITH: I'm just... I'm just a clerk, Ma'am. I don't even have a security clearance or anything. ZIVA: What kind of a clerk? SMITH: I'm in a supply unit. I'm a SK-Two. ZIVA: I'm new to NCIS, Petty Officer. You're going to have to be more specific. SMITH: Well, basically I'm just a storekeeper. Um... like today I filled requests for T.P., liquid soap, toilet-seat covers. We call it getting ahead day. Because in the Navy, the head is another word... ZIVA: For the toilet. Yes, I know. Perhaps this has something to do with your personal life? SMITH: Well, probably not. I don't really have one. I mean, most nights I just go home and surf the web or watch reality TV. Really into Survivor. Average Joe. The Amazing Race is cool. I like Extreme Makeover, but.... ZIVA: I don't own a TV. SMITH: Really? Wow, I don't think I've ever met someone who didn't... ZIVA: What does your wife think about all of this nightly stimulation? PETTY OFFICER: I don't have a wife. No girlfriend either. I just don't really seem to do very well in that department. It's just me and Max. ZIVA: Max is your boyfriend? PETTY OFFICER: No. No! Geez, I'm like as straight as they come. Max is a Marmoset. ZIVA: A monkey. PETTY OFFICER: A pet. Nothing more. ZIVA: That's.... reassuring, Petty Officer. PETTY OFFICER: A buddy of mine was shipping out. He was in a bind. I said no way, but when I got one look at the little guy... he's just so damn cute, Ma'am. MORRIS: (V.O.) Petty Officer Smith... (ZIVA CHUCKLES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OFFICE - DAY MORRIS: ...Was transferred from Pearl about the same time I was, Agent DiNozzo. TONY: You serve with him there? MORRIS: Different units. We never crossed paths until this Command. TONY: What kind of a sailor is he? MORRIS: Officially? He's never missed a day's work. He's always on time. TONY: I'm more interested in unofficially, Commander. MORRIS: It's not in my nature to be disparaging. TONY: Well, I've got a body lying on a slab back at NCIS. So by all means, disparage away. MORRIS: I guess you could say Petty Officer Smith is not the brightest sailor that I've ever commanded. Now that I say it out loud, the thought occurs to me that could very well be the reason that someone found it so easy to steal his identity. TONY: Can you think of any reason why someone would want to impersonate him? MORRIS: God no, Agent DiNozzo. God no! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (MCGEE SLAMS THE PHONE ON THE RECEIVER) TONY: More porno? GIBBS: What do we have, McGee? MCGEE: Three more charges since yesterday. Sorry. Sorry, boss. Um... uh... cell phone records are downloading now. Okay, it looks like Petty Officer Smith... Petty Officer Smith in the car not the one on base who's the real Smith... GIBBS: Yeah, I got it, McGee. MCGEE: Well he was definitely talking to Mrs. Smith, if that is her real name. GIBBS: McGee! MCGEE: Ah... he was talking to her at their home from his cell just before she called in the accident. I've got an address here. It's an apartment in Newport News. Lease is in the wife's name. GIBBS: Ziva, you're with me. ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Possibly a point man for an operational reconnaissance of the Naval Base. I-- (GIBBS HANGS UP THE PHONE) TONY: That means you go with him. MCGEE: Now. TONY: Preferably before the elevator doors close.(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED/ OPEN): [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ELEVATOR - DAY (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) ZIVA: You just hung up on Director Shepard. GIBBS: Uh huh. ZIVA: In my country, the officer in charge is always treated with... GIBBS: In my country on my team working my cases, my people don't bypass the chain of command. ZIVA: Which is? GIBBS: Me! Are we clear on that, Officer David? ZIVA: Crystal, Agent Gibbs. (SFX: ELEVATOR POWER ON THEN OFF) ZIVA: Except she called me. What would you have me do? GIBBS: Smile. Talk about the weather. Tell her to call me. ZIVA: And if that doesn't work? GIBBS: You're a smart girl. Think of something.(SFX: ELEVATOR POWER ON) ZIVA: I am merely trying to do my job.(SFX: ELEVATOR POWER OFF) GIBBS: Your job is to follow my instructions. ZIVA: And I respect that. Is it too much to ask for some in return? GIBBS: (LONG BEAT) No. It's not. ZIVA: So that's it? GIBBS: Mm-hmm. ZIVA: Don't I even get a slap on the head? GIBBS: Don't push it. ZIVA: Just to be clear, are there any more of these rules I should be aware of? GIBBS: About fifty of them. ZIVA: Ha ha! And I don't suppose they're written down anywhere that I could...? GIBBS: No. ZIVA: Then how am I supposed to... GIBBS: My job is to teach them to you. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WENDY'S HOUSE - DAY GIBBS: No picture of your husband in uniform? WENDY: Jerry hated the Navy. He only joined for the money they'd give him for college. But he couldn't wait to get out. I was so mean to him on the phone. It was our half-anniversary. ZIVA: We know. A very special occasion. WENDY: Why can't men understand that? GIBBS: Your husband talk about his work much, Mrs. Smith? WENDY: Never. He wouldn't even let me visit him on base or even call him there. ZIVA: You never saw him at his work? GIBBS: You never dropped him off? WENDY: I told you he hated the Navy. Every morning he'd put on his uniform and go to the office. As soon as he got home, couldn't get out of it fast enough. ZIVA: You didn't know Jerry long before you married, did you? WENDY: Only three months. I know! It was crazy! It just felt right, you know? Jerry was the first truly decent man I'd ever met. (BEAT) What's going on here? ZIVA: This is Petty Officer Jerry Smith. He's been working at Norfolk for about four months. His Commanding Officer confirmed it. GIBBS: He look familiar? ZIVA: I don't know this man. I don't understand. ZIVA: Neither do we. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY JIMMY: Ow! DUCKY: Discoloration indicates blunt forced trauma. Yes, these abdominal bruises here in this area are consistent with the door frame crushing against his body. JIMMY: You think Epsom salt reduces the swelling faster? DUCKY: Mister Palmer, I'm sure our mystery guest would appreciate it if you could concentrate all your efforts on helping me to discover the cause of his demise, rather than obsessing on how you will look in shorts this weekend. JIMMY: Sorry, Doctor. DUCKY: Actually, I found the ladies tend to be sympathetic towards visible injury. JIMMY: Really? DUCKY: Yes. My first year in college I suffered an unfortunate injury to my testicles. The excruciating pain was offset by an impressive swelling, which Ramona Kincaid, bless her heart, found extremely fascinating. Yeah... huh....the bullet wound to the neck evaded the anterior triangle, thus missing both the carotid artery and jugular vein. JIMMY: Most of the damage was muscular. DUCKY: It also grazed the esophagus and thyroid. Oh, dear. Severe damage to the liver, pancreas, spleen. Oh and there's a nasty tear to the left ventricle caused by a bruised rib. JIMMY: Cause of death is from the trauma of the crash. DUCKY: You just earned yourself another merit badge, Mister Palmer. He was alive for several minutes after he was shot. Sorry to have to say it, my poor fellow, but you'd have been better off if your assassin had been a more precise marksman. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY (MUSIC PLAYS B.G.) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ABBY PERFORMS TESTS) (SFX: KEYBOARDING) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - MOVING ZIVA: You know, this case reminds me of something my father used to tell me as a child. Really, Ziva? What was that? He would say that no one could ever truly know another person or their secrets. I, of course, refused... to believe him. And now Ziva? As an adult, I believe he was never more honest with me. What do you believe, Gibbs? GIBBS: I think I really got to get the radio in this car fixed. (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah Abby? ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) I've got a match...(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) ... Of a dead guy's prints, Gibbs. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) From the AFIS database. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) He's in the military? (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Anchors away, Gibbs-o. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Who? ABBY: (INTO PHONE) You're not going to believe it. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Try me. ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) You're not! GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Who the hell is he, Abs? (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Petty Officer Jerry Smith. He actually is Petty Officer Jerry Smith. He's stationed at the Regional Supply Office in Norfolk. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: Okay, the dead guy downstairs who we thought was impersonating Petty Officer Jerry Smith is actually the real Petty Officer Jerry Smith. And that Jerry Smith Tony and Ziva talked to Norfolk turns out to be the fake Jerry Smith and... it's confusing. TONY: Kind of like the pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestile; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true. Court Jester? Danny Kaye? Come on, guys, it's a classic! (SFX: GIBBS SLAPS TONY) TONY: Thank you, Boss. GIBBS: Who is he, McGee? MCGEE: John Kirby. We lifted his prints from his desk at Norfolk. TONY: His empty desk. He didn't report for duty today. MCGEE: He and Smith had overlapping tours at Jacksonville in oh-two. Kirby was discharged in oh-three. TONY: Honorably. MCGEE: Boss, these guys must've had this planned from the first day of Smith's new assignment. GIBBS: Think so, McGee? I'm gonna need Kirby's... MCGEE: Address. He lives on West Little Creek. Been there about a year. And the warrant. GIBBS: DiNozzo, David, take a ride. TONY: You got it, Boss. GIBBS: Put a BOLO out on Kirby with the FBI, local and state. MCGEE: Already done, Boss. ZIVA: Bolo? TONY: Be on the look out. GIBBS: Good job, McGee. Go on. Catch up to them. TONY: Good job, McGee.(SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN) ZIVA: Is he always this juvenile? MCGEE: Only on days of the week ending with the word day. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. NCIS PARKING LOT - DAY ZIVA: I'll drive, Tony. TONY: No no no no. Not gonna make that mistake again. ZIVA: Did you really think my driving was that terrible? Aside from the high speed and near misses. TONY: Let's just say it's an acquired taste, like regurgitated lunch. MCGEE: That's disgusting, DiNozzo. TONY: Tell me about it, Probie. That chili cheese dog was hard to chew the second time around. MCGEE: Maybe we should give her another chance. It's not like she killed or maimed anyone. TONY: Maybe we should concentrate on why John Kirby switched places with Seaman Smith at Norfolk and leave Death Wish for another day. ZIVA: He could very well be an assassin. TONY: He works in a supply office. Who's he going to assassinate? Mister Clean? ZIVA: All the better not to draw attention to himself. MCGEE: She's right. It's a big base. Lot of targets. TONY: I don't know. Look at the guy. He's such a... ZIVA: Pimp. TONY AND MCGEE: (IN UNISON) Wimp. ZIVA: Very much in line with other assassins. MCGEE: She's right, Tony. Look at Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan Sirhan. (ALL CLIMB INTO THE CAR) TONY: That's original, McGee. Is there any part of your brain that's your own? MCGEE: At least I have one, Tony. TONY: What's that supposed to mean? MCGEE: Nothing. TONY: We're not going anywhere. MCGEE: What, until I apologize? TONY: No, not until you apologize. We're in the wrong damn car. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GARAGE - DAY GIBBS: What'd you find, Abs? ABBY: After the car crashed through the railing, it went end over end for about a hundred feet, before finally slamming to a stop up against a boulder which crushed the driver's side door into his body, which led to a lot of blood. I also found these in the trunk; three identical sets of Hawaiian shirts and khaki pants. GIBBS: Correction. Did you find anything useful? ABBY: Maybe. But it's probably nothing. GIBBS: Do not make me say a magic word now, Abs. ABBY: Of course not. But it is a cool idea. It's in the blood patterns. The residual splatter from where the blood struck is there. Exit wound splatter is there. Dropping suddenly from the angle of the impact. GIBBS: Normal when they pass through flesh. ABBY: Very good, Gibbs! But that would be the case of a Senior Lead Special Agent who's worked hundreds of crime-scene investigations throughout his storied career. GIBBS: I'd hate to start smacking you like I do DiNozzo. ABBY: You wouldn't. You would? GIBBS: It won't be on the head. ABBY: The blood here is darker, and the pattern is random. GIBBS: Skip to the probably nothing part, will you? ABBY: The trail of splattering is wider than you'd expect. And the blood is smeared somewhat here... like something brushed up against it. GIBBS: What? ABBY: I have absolutely no idea. That would be the probably nothing part. But I haven't analyzed it in my computer yet. GIBBS: Do it.(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - DAY TONY: Oh, I love Hawaiian shirts. ZIVA: I'm not surprised. TONY: It's a cultural experience you couldn't appreciate. Isn't that right, Probie? MCGEE: I wouldn't be caught dead in one. TONY: (GASPS) It can't be!! Do you realize what we have here? ZIVA: Another ugly shirt? TONY: It's an authentic Magnum, P.I. Jungle Bird design. Hundred percent cotton, bamboo buttons, Made in Hawaii label! Come on, this is the Holy Grail of Aloha garments. MCGEE: That's great. TONY: Eight seasons Magnum wore this shirt. Putting up with Higgins and those stupid dogs. Zeus! Apollo! The TV show was big in the Eighties. ZIVA: I know who Tom Selleck is, Tony. The hot, sexy American man of adventure. TONY: He was ...he was good, sure. But take away the shirt, the mustache, Detroit Tigers hat, Ferrari, the Audi, wine cellar, Robin Masters' estate, Rick, T.C. and the helicopter. MCGEE: Well, it looks like Kirby has not checked his email or even turned on his computer since yesterday. ZIVA: Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a kite. TONY: Hike. The expression is taking a hike. MCGEE: She may have had it confused with "go fly a kite." ZIVA: I speak five languages, forgive me if I get confused sometimes. I found his bank book. TONY: Check book. ZIVA: Whatever you call it. His deposits seem high. TONY: Where you come from, they may seem high but here in the good ol' U.S. of A - these are really, really high. (SFX: BANGING NOISE) ZIVA: I think it's the... TONY: Shh... (MUSIC OVER ACTION/THEY WALK TO THE KITCHEN) (SFX: CUPBOARD OPENS) (SFX: MARMOSET SHRIEKS) TONY: It's a... ZIVA: It's a marmoset. MCGEE: Actually, that's a capuchin. ZIVA: I don't advise shooting him. Americans and their pets. It will be a public relations nightmare. TONY: You knew all about this, didn't you? ZIVA: I tried to tell you, but you shushed me. TONY: Well next time try harder. ZIVA: His name is Max. MCGEE: Oh, ad a Snapple cap that said that the most popular name for a pet in the United States is Max. TONY: That's funny, I thought it was Tim. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOUSE - DAY GIBBS: We know that your husband and John Kirby served together. And we also know that they switched places. It's a Federal crime to impersonate military personnel. GIBBS: (CONT.) Which means that withholding any information is a chargeable offense. So what do you know, Mrs. Smith? WENDY: I lied before. I saw the other man once. GIBBS: When? WENDY: Um... right after we moved here from Hawaii. I came home early from yoga. I wasn't feeling well. He was with Jerry in the den. Jerry was upset. It was clear I'd interrupted them. When he left, he said I should forget I ever saw him, and never tell anyone. Do you think he's the one who killed my husband? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY MCGEE: Kirby was getting emails from an anonymous internet account several times a week. Each one was just a time and a location. ABBY: The times were random all throughout the day and the locations were business and residential addresses all throughout Norfolk. TONY: How long have they been coming in? ABBY: About four months. TONY: Same time Kirby's been posing as Smith. MCGEE: You think Kirby was doing Smith's job, while Smith was doing Kirby's? ZIVA: I've seen communications like this before. GIBBS: So have I. ZIVA: Many intelligence agencies use this technique for arranging a drop-off. I believe you refer to them as goblins. TONY: Spooks. The term is spooks. ABBY: According to this there's a drop scheduled for this afternoon, Gibbs. GIBBS: Where and when, Abs? ABBY: Granby and Harbor, southeast corner, fourteen hundred. GIBBS: One of you is going to have to pose as Kirby. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Nah, that really doesn't work for him. MCGEE: Boss, for once I've got to agree with Tony here. I don't think I'm a Hawaiian shirt type. GIBBS: You're the closest we've got to age and looks to Smith and Kirby, McGee. ZIVA: Which won't matter if whoever he's meeting with knows their faces. GIBBS: No, it won't. But if it doesn't, we just might get something. Which is more than we have now. DiNozzo, you and Ziva will be here mobile on Granby, as far down as you can be while maintaining visual contact. I'll be over here on Harbor. McGee, we do not know what we have here. So go with the flow. If it gets hinky, call it. ZIVA: Hinky? What's hinky? TONY: You know, like when your gut is telling you something? ZIVA: Oh, I see. In my country we refer to that as gas. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. INTERSECTION - DAY GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) You got a visual, DiNozzo? TONY: Affirmative, Boss. Suck that gut in, Probie. MCGEE: Guy with the briefcase. GIBBS: I got him, McGee. ZIVA: The logistics for the drop may only start here, McGee. Look for any sign. MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Like what? ZIVA: (V.O.) A hand gesture, the angle he holds his briefcase. MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) It's nothing, Boss. (SFX: TRUCK BREAKS TO A STOP) TONY: Lost the visual. GIBBS: Same here, DiNozzo. Move up the block. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAMERA ANGLES ON THE STREET) YOUNG WOMAN: There's a park bench across the street from the Baltimore Museum of Art. (V.O./FILTERED) Leave it underneath. ZIVA: Girl with the back. GIBBS: Wait McGee, (V.O./FILTERED) for her to make the move. YOUNG WOMAN: Don't be late. MCGEE: Right. (SMITH WALKS AROUND THE CORNER/MCGEE AND YOUNG WOMAN STRUGGLE OVER THE BRIEFCASE) TONY: Kirby, my nine o'clock, Boss! GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) I got him! Get the girl! (ON CAMERA) Go! Go! (V.O./FILTERED) Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! (MUSIC OVER ACTION//GIBBS AND TONY CHASE KIRBY/WOMAN DRIVES AWAY ON A SCOOTER) TONY: We lost her. ZIVA: More like she lost us. (FADE OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: There are three wheels, numbered zero through nine each. That's a thousand possibilities. GIBBS: Then your fingers better get busy. ABBY: Wait, there's more. The seams are filled with something that looks like an epoxy material. It may be for waterproofing. GIBBS: Or to hold explosive components in place until they're exploded. ABBY: Bada-boom. GIBBS: X-rays. ABBY: Didn't penetrate. The metal's high density steel, probably with a thin layer of lead sheeting. The nitrate sniffer came up negative as well. GIBBS: That's because of the epoxy. ABBY: Probably. Gibbs, it might not be rigged with a bomb, per se. I love saying per se. It's one of those phrases nobody really knows what it means but you say it anyway. Am I off topic again? GIBBS: Big time. ABBY: Um... it could be armed with something like formic acid in a glass liner. GIBBS: Destroy the contents if opened incorrectly. ABBY: There's also the possibility it could be nothing. It's just a whole lot of bluff to scare anyone from taking a peek inside. GIBBS: Do we have a bottom line here, Abs? ABBY: We do. Do you want to hear it? GIBBS: Yes. ABBY: The bomb squad is coming to pick this up. They're going to do their thing and then I will get to the bottom of this, Gibbs. But... GIBBS: It's going to take time. ABBY: See? We are having a melding of the minds. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: It was called The Transporter. MCGEE: Didn't see it. TONY: Cool British guy delivers illegal stuff for a price. Obviously what Smith was doing. Then what Kirby was doing. Then what you were doing, Probie. Only badly. MCGEE: Yeah, I got the case, didn't I? TONY: You're missing the point. MCGEE: How could there possibly be a point? ZIVA: I think what Agent DiNozzo means is that the Transporter would have gotten the case, gotten the girl, and still have held on to his cappuccino. TONY: Exactly. Speaking of movies, you know what I was thinking about, Probie? MCGEE: Really not interested, Tony. TONY: Mister and Mrs. Smith. Identity mystery. Then there's our Smith. Identity mystery. And if it turns out the guy charging p0rn and tractors on your credit card is a Smith, then that would be a mystery. MCGEE: (OVERLAP) Uh.. Tony? TONY: Not now, Probie. I'm almost done with this level. (BEAT) Find out what was in the case yet, Boss? ZIVA: Are you going to interrogate Kirby now? GIBBS: No. ZIVA: That is a mistake. The longer we wait, the more time he has to-- GIBBS: I am going to be interrogating Kirby. You and DiNozzo will be observing. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) ZIVA: It takes a while for him to warm up to people, doesn't it? TONY: Want to know the secret about getting on his good side? ZIVA: Of course. TONY: Me, too. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY KIRBY: I didn't kill Jerry. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY GIBBS: (FILTERED) I know. We checked. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY GIBBS: You were on base when it happened. KIRBY: So... can I go now? GIBBS: Impersonating a Petty Officer. That's a felony. Lying during a Federal investigation. Felony. Resisting arrest. That's a misdemeanor. Not to mention what we have in that case downstairs. KIRBY: You looked in the case? Look, I was only trying to help. I swear to you. INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KIRBY: It wasn't even my idea. ZIVA: I doubt this has anything to do with espionage, Tony. Kirby's far too stupid for this line of work. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Why did you two switch places? KIRBY: Because Jerry... he couldn't keep it in his damn pants. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY ZIVA: Keep what in his pants? TONY: You're kidding, right? Come on. (SFX: TONY SINGS/DANCES) ZIVA: Dancing? TONY: Yeah, dancing. GIBBS: (V.O.) What happened? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY KIRBY: He'd been fooling around with this officer's wife over at Pearl. One night the Officer came home early and caught him in the act. He got a good look at Jerry's face, but he didn't recognize him. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KIRBY: (FILTERED) Jerry wasn't worried. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY KIRBY: He knew he was shipping out the next week, and they'd never met before. That was the good news. GIBBS: Until he got the bad news. KIRBY: The husband was going to be his C.O. in Norfolk. GIBBS: Commander Morris. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KIRBY: (FILTERED) Yes, Sir. Jerry only had four months left to an honorable discharge. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY KIRBY: Morris would have made sure that didn't happen. GIBBS: Who else knew about it? KIRBY: No one. That's why Jerry begged me to switch places with him. Except I couldn't leave my job. GIBBS: Delivering illegal goods. KIRBY: Wait. I mean, I didn't even know what was in the cases. I was strictly transportation. GIBBS: Hey Kirby, they weren't exactly using FedEx. KIRBY: It was stupid, I know. GIBBS: (CHUCKLES) Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KIRBY: But the money was really good. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KIRBY: Life since the Navy is kind of hard on me. GIBBS: You never looked inside? KIRBY: No. There were only two rules. Be on time and don't look in the cases. Jerry... I guess he looked. GIBBS: Then they killed him for it. KIRBY: I think... I think I want to get a lawyer now. GIBBS: Oh, yeah. You're going to need one. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: Remember that smeared area that I thought was probably nothing? Well, it probably might not be probably nothing. GIBBS: I'm not saying a magic word, Abs. ABBY: Okay, this is the windshield of the vehicle. See the smeared marks? There's four of them. And they connect together. Now, step back and squint. GIBBS: At what? ABBY: Just do it, Gibbs, like when you're trying to figure out the hidden message in the bad three-D art at the fair. This is important. Try to see the bigger picture for once! (BEAT) See it? GIBBS: Maybe an "M". ABBY: Yes, Gibbs, yes. Those smears were smeared on purpose. Now, these are the photographs of Petty Officer Smith's body before it was washed. He has blood on his right index finger. There were no lacerations on that hand. GIBBS: Petty Officer Smith used his finger to write a message in his own blood. ABBY: Sometimes people in the throes of death try to communicate. Like that guy in the L.A. MetroRail crash? He wrote "I love you" to his wife in his own blood. GIBBS: He did? ABBY: He did. But Petty Officer Smith is trying to tell us who killed him. What does "M" mean? TONY: (V.O.) Commander Morris. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OFFICE - DAY MORRIS: How could you think that I had anything to do with his murder? TONY: Because you found out he was the sailor sleeping with your wife at Pearl. ZIVA: Yes, Commander, at Pearl Harbor. MORRIS: That was Smith? If I had known who he was I would have killed him myself. But I didn't. I was here that morning. There's a dozen witnesses who will vouch for that. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: Surveillance camera at the main gate has Commander Morris coming on base an hour before Smith's time of death. GIBBS: Leeway time of death? TONY: Ducky says fifteen, maybe twenty minutes. GIBBS: Drive time to the crime scene? TONY: Thirty minutes. Fifteen if you're driving. ZIVA: Seven sailors in his office all verify he was in the supply unit until we showed up. GIBBS: Where in the supply unit? ZIVA: Mostly in his private office, behind closed doors. GIBBS: Was there another exit? Could he have left unseen through a window? TONY: Windows don't open, Boss. Solid plate glass. MCGEE: Commander Morris couldn't have been at the crime scene. GIBBS: I know that, McGee. TONY: He knows that, McGee! ZIVA: His murder has to be related to the delivery service. TONY: Which we know nothing about. MCGEE: Kirby claims he didn't even know who he was working for. GIBBS: Was Petty Officer Smith wearing his seatbelt when he crashed? (LOUDLY) Was Petty Officer Smith wearing a seatbelt?! ALL: No! He wasn't wearing a seatbelt in the crash! GIBBS: He was in an unnaturally contorted position! MCGEE: Yes. Very... very unusual. I can flip the image... only if you want. ZIVA: "W." TONY: What was the wife's name again? ZIVA: It's Wendy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY GIBBS: You discovered your husband was cheating on you, Wendy. WENDY: I don't know what you're talking about. ZIVA: Must have been a real shock. You were so much in love with him. GIBBS: The one decent man you've ever met... wasn't really decent at all, was he? WENDY: That's not true. GIBBS: He called you on the way to work. You weren't home, were you? WENDY: I was! He called me at home. ZIVA: Phone records show you forwarded your home phone to your cell. GIBBS: He had no idea you followed him, Wendy. ZIVA: He only worked a couple of days a week. I wonder what he did with all the rest of that free time? WENDY: (LONG BEAT) Did you know he cheated on me on our wedding day? Our wedding day. SMITH: (V.O.) Honey! Honey, it's our anniversary! (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE OF THE SHOOTING) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Great, thank you. (TO TONY) Well, that takes care of them all. Visa, MasterCard, AmEx, Diners. Old cards cancelled, new ones reissued and it only took me two hundred phone calls. TONY: You know what I find really interesting? MCGEE: What? TONY: That you actually have Diners. MCGEE: What's wrong with that? TONY: Nothing. It's just I've never met anyone who used Diners club who wasn't wearing Depends. MCGEE: It's a very hip piece of plastic, Tony. TONY: Yes, in the year nineteen twenty seven. ABBY: Good news and bad news, Gibbs. The good news is I'm still cute. Bad news... the bomb squad got a little trigger happy. GIBBS: They blew up the metal box? ABBY: Do you have any idea what's beyond smithereens? GIBBS: Not a clue. ABBY: Me neither. That's what we've got. There's not much I can do. GIBBS: Nope. Except put it back together. ABBY: Gibbs! It's in like a jillion pieces! That would take months! ZIVA: It's the only link we have to that delivery service, Abby. ABBY: Yeah? Well you're not the one that has to put it back together, Officer David. (ABBY WALKS O.S.) ZIVA: She doesn't like me, does she? GIBBS: Eh... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ELEVATOR - DAY (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED) (ZIVA WALKS INTO THE ELEVATOR) ABBY: Are you going home? ZIVA: Not yet. I thought I might be able to help you with ... that. ABBY: Do you have a degree in forensic science? ZIVA: No. But I'm very good at jigsaw puzzles. ABBY: We'll see. (MUSIC OUT)

The team is called to investigate the murder of a Petty Officer who was gunned down while driving on a freeway. While visiting the sailor's commander to inform him of the death, the team discovers that another man claims to be the Petty Officer and that his identity may have been stolen. Secrets in both men's lives are revealed, but it is Abby's shrewd observations that end up solving the case. Also, McGee discovers his credit card has been stolen and was used to buy porn videos amongst other items while Ziva must quickly learn to adjust to Gibbs' leadership style.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_07x03

fd_Gilmore_Girls_07x03_0

GILMORE MANSION [Lorelai and Rory have just arrived in the jeep, it's night time.] LORELAI: Hey, punch me in the stomach. RORY: What? LORELAI: Real quick -- jab, jab. Not too hard. Just enough to cause internal bleeding. RORY: That sounds pretty hard. LORELAI: Yeah, true, plus, internal bleeding is internal, which means it can't be proven. And unless my mother sees blood, there's no way she's gonna let you take me to the hospital. You're right you're gonna have to punch me in the face. Real quick -- jab, jab. RORY: I am not going to punch you in the fAce. LORELAI: Why? I'll heal. I'd much rather spend the night in the emergency room getting 8 to 10 stitches than go in there for dinner. Plus, it'll give me a groovy scar. I've always wanted a groovy scar. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: It'd be such a great conversation piece. "Where did you get that groovy scar?" "Oh, my daughter dropkicked me for no apparent reason." She's totally psycho. RORY: Oh, so now I'm dropkicking you? LORELAI: Give me and few options you didn't like the whole jab, jab thing. RORY: We haven't had dinner with them in three weeks. Suck it up. We're going in. LORELAI: Hey you didn't make it through the last dinner, which means technically you've had four weeks, which means you owe me one. RORY: I stayed for cocktail hour. LORELAI: That's the best part. RORY: I can't help that it's at the beginning. LORELAI: Okay, fine, then you stay through dessert, and I'll leave early to go spend time with Logan. RORY: Oh, I miss Logan. LORELAI: Yeah, me too. Let's talk about him for four or five hours. RORY: We're going inside. [goes to knock on the door] LORELAI: No! Gonna be horrible. RORY: They're always horrible. LORELAI: No, it's gonna be horribler because of the whole Luke thing. RORY: Well doesn't grandma already know because of the house debacle? LORELAI: No she suspects, but she doesn't know know. I'm gonna have to tell them. RORY: Well, just tell them real quick, like ripping a band-aid off. LORELAI: Ripping a band-aid off that's been superglued, stapled, and surgically embedded in my arm. RORY: Just tell them, and then we can move on, we can talk about more pleasant things, like the middle east. LORELAI: I don't know how they're gonna come at me. I mean I know they're gonna come at me, but I don't know how. I mean It could be guilt, pity, anger, contempt. They have so many options. RORY: Well in all likelihood, it will be a combination of all of those. LORELAI: I don't want the whole night to be about Luke. RORY: It won't be. Don't worry. Just put it out there, and then when they attack you, whatever angle they're coming from, I will deflect. LORELAI: How will you deflect? RORY: Well I don't know. Maybe I will talk about Bangalore. LORELAI: You know a lot about Bangalore? RORY: Don't you? Bangalore? Outsourcing? When you call customer service, you're talking to some nice dude in India who speaks perfect English. Don't you read time magazine? LORELAI: It doesn't seem like a rich subject area. RORY: Yeah. [knocks on the door] LORELAI: No! Uhh! Ah I know you tell them you're converting to Judaism, and that will throw the friday-night-dinner thing in jeopardy. RORY: There you go. [the door opens and a girls or about 10 years old answers] CHARLOTTE: Hello. LORELAI: Hi. RORY: Hello. CHARLOTTE: Come in. May I take your coats? LORELAI: Uh, well, okay. Here you go. [Chuckles] That's a pretty dress. CHARLOTTE: Thank you. LORELAI: Oh. You okay there? CHARLOTTE: I'm fine. Right this way. LORELAI: Weird. RORY: So weird. LORELAI: It's a child, right? RORY: Pretty sure. LORELAI: Maybe mom has run out of adults who will work for her. [they walk in to the living room] Hi, mom. Hi, dad. RICHARD: Good evening, Rory. Lorelai. RORY: Hi, grandma. Hi, grandpa. EMILY: Well done, Charlotte. C.C. Guest couldn't have done it better herself. CHARLOTTE: Thank you, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: Lorelai, Rory, allow me to introduce charlotte Courtwright. Charlotte, this is Lorelai Gilmore and Rory Gilmore, my granddaughter and her mother. CHARLOTTE: It's a pleasure to meet you. LORELAI: Oh, a pleasure. RORY: Hi again. [waves] EMILY: Charlotte's grandparents, Arthur and Beverly, are dear friends of ours. In fact, it was the Courtwrights who put us up for membership at Blackledge. Isn't that right, Richard? RICHARD: Indeed it is, although I have a feeling Arthur did that just so he could humiliate me on the links every Sunday. [to Charlotte] Hell of a golfer, your grandfather. CHARLOTTE: Yes, he used to be scratch, but now he's a 3. RORY: You know "Charlotte's web" is one of my favorite books. LORELAI: Spiders talking to pigs. What could be better? CHARLOTTE: Can I offer anyone a cocktail? LORELAI: Uh...okay. Sure. Is that legal? EMILY: She'll have a martini with a twist. Scotch on the rocks for Richard. "G" and "T" for me. Rory? RORY: Just a club soda, please. CHARLOTTE: Would Lorelai you like that straight up or on the rocks? LORELAI: Um, Straight up. Thanks. EMILY: You're never too young to learn to make a Martini. LORELAI: Who is that? EMILY: I told you. It's the Courtwrights' granddaughter, charlotte. LORELAI: Why is she taking our coats and pouring us drinks? Did you win her in a poker game? RICHARD: Your mother has been dragooned by her colleagues at the D.A.R. To lend her expertise to this year's summer cotillion. LORELAI: It's been quite a responsibility. But Eliza Appleton insisted that there was no one she knew who was better suited to preparing these girls for society living. I could hardly say no. CHARLOTTE: Here we are. RICHARD: Oh. Thank you, charlotte. CHARLOTTE: Martini straight up. LORELAI: Oh. Thanks. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: So, nothing for you? You driving tonight? CHARLOTTE: Oh, Lorelai, I'm only 10. EMILY: In any case Charlotte missed last week's session on table manners, so we've decided to make tonight's dinner a makeup class. CHARLOTTE: I'm awfully sorry about that, Mrs. Gilmore. My grandparents took me to a count basie tribute at Tanglewood. EMILY: [changing here tone] Charlotte, you might have noticed the ice cubes in my glass have already melted. There's a whole ice bucket up there. There's no need to be so stingy. CHARLOTTE: [sounding scared] I'm sorry. EMILY: For future reference. It's obviously too late now. LORELAI: This is your chance. Get out while you still can. I can show you all the good escape routes. CHARLOTTE: [happy again] Mrs. Gilmore warned me you'd be full of smart remarks. [Lorelai is surprised and taken back] [Opening Credits] GILMORE MANSION [They are moving to the dining room] EMILY: Now, tonight we'll be dining with service La Russe, which has nothing to do with Russians -- thank god -- because in my experience, their table manners are nothing to emulate. All it means is that the servers will be passing each course in turn instead of plopping all the food on the table at once, like some mukluk picnic. Now, it is the duty of the gentleman to help a lady to her seat. Richard. RICHARD: It is my pleasure. RORY: We can seat ourselves. LORELAI: Yeah, seating us is more of a privilege, not a duty. EMILY: Now, immediately upon sitting, one should plAce one's napkin in one's lap. And, mind you, no need for a flourish. The ability to use a napkin is nothing to brag about. [Lorelai makes a flourish when placing her napkin] RORY: The table looks beautiful, grandma. EMILY: Why, thank you, Rory. LORELAI: What's with all the forks? EMILY: Every piece of silverware has a purpose. You simply work from the outermost utensil in towards your plate. Can you name each of these forks? [In the background we hear Charlotte start to name the forks] LORELAI: Each one of these forks is gonna take 20 minutes. CHARLOTTE: And then the fish fork, and then the entr e fork, and then -- is this the dessert? Oh, wait -- it's for the roast course, isn't it? EMILY: Exactly. Very good, charlotte. RORY: Hey you're gonna wow them at your cotillion. CHARLOTTE: Did you ever attend a cotillion? RORY: No, I haven't, actually, but I had a coming-out party. LORELAI: And I totally supported her decision. She shouldn't have to hide her love for women. EMILY: Lorelai, there's nothing funny about being a lesbian. RORY: I'm sure you'll have fun at your cotillion. CHARLOTTE: I'm very much looking forward to it. LORELAI: Oh, don't get too excited. Cotillions are not fun parties. They're boring rituals to train a whole new generation of snobs. EMILY: And how exactly would you know? Lorelai never actually attended a cotillion. LORELAI: You don't have to jump off the empire state building to know it's gonna hurt. [A disappointing look from Richard] CHARLOTTE: Um, this looks delicious, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: It's just a simple Potage Au Cresson. [continues talking to Charlotte in the back ground] RORY: [to Lorelai] I thought you were gonna rip off the band-aid. LORELAI: Well I, the kid threw me off. I'm looking for an opening, I'll find it. EMILY: ...To ladle the broth away from our bodies. RICHARD: Rory, how has the summer been treating you so far? RORY: It's treating me very well so far, thank you. EMILY: Are you relaxing in preparation for your senior year? RORY: Well, I've been doing some part-time work. Paris opened this business, a tutoring business, and it prepares people for the S.A.T.S. It's kind of like the Princeton review but meaner. RICHARD: Sounds very enterprising. EMILY: And what about your social calendar? Do you have anything exciting planned? RORY: Not really. Logan's in London, so... EMILY: Logan is Rory's boyfriend. He's a Huntzberger. CHARLOTTE: Ah. RICHARD: How is Logan enjoying London? RORY: I think he likes it. He's working a lot and meeting different department heads, getting situated, learning to talk British, you know. RICHARD: Lorelai, how's summer with you? Anything new? LORELAI: Um...we planted some pansies at the Dragonfly, in the back there. They look good. And, um, I finally bought a new DVD player. And... Luke and I broke up. EMILY: Did you? That's too bad. RICHARD: Hmm. [several seconds of silence] EMILY: Now, charlotte, when the conversation lags, a good guest ought to be prepared to introduce a new topic. Keep it light -- no politics, no religion. My little trick? Think of things in the middle three sections of the Sunday New York Times -- travel, arts & leisure, Sunday styles -- and forget the rest of the paper exists. [Lorelai is looking confused] LORELAI: Look, it's all right. EMILY: What is? LORELAI: We can talk about the breakup. I'm sure you have thoughts on the subject, and why don't we get it all out in the open now so we can move on with our lives? EMILY: I've moved on. Richard, anything you'd like to add? RICHARD: I can't think of a thing. EMILY: All right, then. Isn't it interesting how they're renovating so many of the old Paradores in Spain? Funny you should mention that because last week at the club, Chick Walsh told me that he and Mary stayed at this extraordinary old castle near Madrid. Where was it? Um, uh, Lerma. EMILY: Lerma? How nice. LORELAI: Excuse me. Uh, what's going on? Why are we talking about Lerma? It's a town in Spain. LORELAI: Yes, I understand geography, but why are you avoiding the subject of my breakup? EMILY: Honestly, Lorelai, I see no point in continuing this conversation. We couldn't possibly say anything right, so why say anything at all? LORELAI: Well that's not true. EMILY: It absolutely is. LORELAI: You could say something. You could try. You could say, "I'm sorry, Lorelai. This must be a very hard time for you." EMILY: Well, i am sorry, Lorelai, I'm sure this is a very hard time for you. LORELAI: That's it? That's all? EMILY: I just said what you said to say. LORELAI: I mean you don't have anything of your own to add? EMILY: I'm sure whatever Luke did... LORELAI: See? It's so interesting you blame it on him, and you don't even know the whole story. RORY: Mum EMILY: I knew we couldn't talk about this. I should have claimed I had laryngitis. RICHARD: Lorelai, your mother is simply expressing our regrets that you've ended your relationship with Luke. I hardly see how that's offensive. LORELAI: Fine... Only that's not true. You never liked Luke. You never showed him anything but total contempt. RICHARD: That's not true. I played golf with Luke. LORELAI: Once. EMILY: We were buying the two of you a house. Doesn't the fact that we were willing to spend an enormous amount of money on a wedding present count for anything? LORELAI: So, that's what you're mad about? Your mad about the enormous amount of money you might have wasted? RORY: Mum. EMILY: That's not what I was saying. LORELAI: Well, you implied it. EMILY : Lorelai that's... RICHARD: Bangalore! Bangalore!... Bangalore. LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory's bedroom early morning, her cell phone rings, she turns on a light and answers it.] RORY: Hi. LOGAN: Morning, Ace. [to someone handing Logan some food] Thanks. RORY: How's your day going? LOGAN: My day hasn't started yet. How was your yesterday? RORY: [Yawns] I'm still sleepy. LOGAN: I can let you go back to sleep. RORY: No, no, I'm up. I'm up. What happened yesterday? LOGAN: My yesterday or your yesterday? RORY: Either one. LOGAN: Let's see, I had a scone for breakfast -- not as dry as Monday's, but I still think there's room for improvement. And then I went into a meeting with about 18 different department heads, all of whom I believe are named Nigel, and that meeting lasted for about nine hours. RORY: Was it a cranberry scone? LOGAN: Blueberry. RORY: Those are my favorite kind. LOGAN: Your turn. RORY: Well, I'm tutoring this new kid, Benji. And, oh, it was really funny because he kept misusing this word. I don't remember what word it was. But it will come to me. Anyway, he kept misusing it, and I didn't want to correct him 'cause I didn't want him to feel embarrassed. But then he messed up on the work sheet, and then he realized all by himself that he had misused the word. [Chuckles] I guess it wasn't funny "ha ha." It was more funny "you had to be there." LOGAN: That's okay. RORY: Are you working? LOGAN: Just I.M.'ing. RORY: If you have to go... LOGAN: No I just have to let my assistant know I'm on the phone with you, so I'll be 2 minutes late to the meeting. RORY: I don't want you to be late. LOGAN: It's no problem. I don't mind. RORY: Well now I feel like I have to come up with something great to talk about. LOGAN: No pressure. [looking at the computer screen] Ohh. RORY: What? LOGAN: Nothing. RORY: Now you really do have to go. LOGAN: Well, yeah. RORY: "Philanthropic." LOGAN: What? RORY: Philanthropic, that was the word that Benji kept misusing. He kept saying "Philantropic." He thought it meant "tropical." It was funny. LOGAN: I'll call you tonight. RORY: My tonight or your tonight? LOGAN: Got to go, Ace. RORY: Okay. Bye. [Hangs up, Inhales, exhales deeply] LORELAI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN [Morning, Lorelai is sitting at the kitchen table "playing" with her food, Rory comes in.] RORY: Are you enjoying your breakfast? LORELAI: I don't know if I like pop-tarts. RORY: Did you fall on your head while you were sleeping? LORELAI: I don't know. Do I like this? Is this something I like? RORY: So, you fell on your head, and now you have some kind of very specific amnesia, is that it? LORELAI: Last night I was dreading mom and dad's reaction to the breakup, right? RORY: Right. Dread, dread. I remember. LORELAI: And then they didn't react -- not one bit. It's almost like the absence of their reaction was worse than any freak-out they could have had. RORY: Okay. Sure. LORELAI: Then I thought, "why? Why do I care if they freak out? What do I get out of it?" RORY: Uh ha. LORELAI: And then I thought, "maybe their freak-outs" are like some kind of compass for me, you know "like, I know I'm doing what I want to do if it freaks them out." And then I thought, "what if I don't want to do "what I want to do because I want to do it, but because they don't want me to?" RORY: Huh? LORELAI: I mean what if I don't like what I like because I like it, but because my mother doesn't like it and doesn't want me to like it? What if I don't actually like the music that I like or the movies or the clothes or the men? What if I don't like what I seem to like? RORY: Ah, hence the pop-tart. LORELAI: Yes. Hence. I can remember the first time I had a pop-tart. It was at my friend Erica Catcha's house, and she said, "do you want a pop-tart?" And I knew my mother would recoil at the very idea of me having a pop-tart. I could just picture her. [Emily voice] "A pop-tart?!" [normal voice] And so, I had one. And I opened the little silver wrapper, and I took a bite, and I thought nothing had ever tasted so good. I thought it tasted like freedom. It tasted like I was my own person. The pop-tart tasted like freedom and rebellion and independence. RORY: Wow. That's some pop-tart. What flavor was that? LORELAI: But now I think I don't know if I like pop-tarts. What if I don't like pop-tarts? Would I like pop-tarts if Richard and Emily had served me pop-tarts on a silver platter and demanded I eat every bite? I don't know. RORY: Hey, where are all the pop-tarts? LORELAI: I've been experimenting. RORY: You ate all the pop-tarts? LORELAI: If it makes you feel any better I don't know if I like them! RORY: Well, I hope you didn't eat all the Froot Loops. LORELAI: Hey, how was last night's conversation? RORY: Eh. LORELAI: Eh-eh? RORY: It's just these transatlantic phone calls. I don't know if it's the "trans" or the "Atlantic" or the fact that it's 2:00 in the morning, but Helen Keller and Stephen Hawking could have a more connected conversation. LORELAI: Helen Keller's dead. RORY: Yeah, well, even dead, she could do better. It's just so awkward and pausy. And I feel like the more I try to connect, the more disconnected I feel. And I just feel like I'm working so hard, but maybe I shouldn't be having to work so hard. And then I feel self-conscious, but I shouldn't feel self-conscious, so then I feel self-conscious about that. I don't know maybe it's just the salt in the ocean. It corrodes conversations or something. LORELAI: Yeah. It sounds like the salt. RORY: [Picks up a pop-tart off Lorelai plate] Um. LORELAI: Hey! RORY: I like pop-tarts. LUKE'S DINER - EXTERIOR [Sign on window "Luke's Grand Re-opening", Moving inside Luke brings Babette and Miss Patty their orders] LUKE: Here you go, ladies. MISS PATTY: It's the ceilings. They're vaulted now, aren't they? LUKE: The ceilings aren't vaulted. BABETTE: I got it, it's the curly fries. You never used to have curly fries here before, did you Luke. LUKE: Always had curly fries. BABETTE: I'm telling you, something's different about the plAce. LUKE: Nothing, nothing has changed. It's exactly the same. MISS PATTY: He must have done something to the windows 'cause the light is much better now. BABETTE: Yeah it's a lot less gloomy than it used to be. LUKE: An identical level of gloom, people. BABETTE: I got it. You got new chairs. I knew my butt felt more comfortable. LUKE: Your butt feels exactly the same, Babette. Now, would you two can it? I didn't change a damn thing. [Rory enters and comes to the counter] LUKE: Hey, Rory. RORY: Hi, Luke. LUKE: How's it going? RORY: Good. I'm good. And you? LUKE: Doing good. RORY: Glad to hear that. Congratulations on the reopening. LUKE: Oh, yeah, thanks. Back to normal, I guess. RORY: New hat? LUKE: Yeah. So, I didn't think you were gonna make it back this summer. RORY: Oh, I wasn't, but then I did. LUKE: Things change. RORY: Yeah. LUKE: So, you want a table? RORY: No, I think I'll just take some coffee and a muffin to go, if you have it. LUKE: I have it. BABETTE: It's the curtains! LUKE: Yeah those curtains have always been here. BABETTE: I know. I'm just saying you used to have more curtains. LUKE: No, I never had more curtains. LANE: Hi. RORY: Lane, hey come over here. LANE: [handing some food to a customer] Here you go. [They sit at a table] RORY: Hey. So? How did it go? Was it hard? Did he freak out? LANE: What are you talking about? RORY: Zach...and the pregnancy. LANE: Oh. That. I haven't told him yet. RORY: Really? LANE: Yeah, I was, but now I'm thinking I'm gonna wait. RORY: Okay. For how long? LANE: I don't know. A couple years? RORY: Lane! LANE: I'm gonna tell him eventually, just not yet. Besides, a lot of people wait a full 12 weeks before they tell anyone they're pregnant. RORY: Not the husband. LANE: I just need a little more time to adjust, you know? I kind of want to process this by myself a little longer. RORY: You can wait as long as you want. You can wait until the baby comes out and have her tell him. LANE: Her? RORY: Or him. LANE: It could be a him! Oh, god, I'm not ready for a him! RORY: Maybe it'll be a her. LANE: Who's ready for a her?! RORY: You are. And Zach is. You guys can do this. LANE: Hey, you want to tell him? LUKE: One coffee. One muffin. One employee sitting at a table. LANE: Sorry, Luke. [Gets up] RORY: Thanks, Luke. See you later. [leaves] LUKE: See you later. BABETTE: [Yelling at Luke] New mugs! LUKE: Hey! Same mugs. [Sighs] DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN [Lorelai enters] SOOKIE: Wow. Somebody's all fancy-pants. I've never seen your hair up like that. LORELAI: I'm just trying out a new look, seeing if I like it, serving no master but myself. SOOKIE: Are you gonna try pigtails, too? Because that's kind of my thing. LORELAI: It's freeing, really. I never realized how my mother influenced my every decision, even decisions that don't seem like decisions, like tying my shoes. I mean I've always been a fan of the bunny ears, you know? And this morning I decided not to bunny-ear, and you know what happened? SOOKIE: No. LORELAI: Turns out Bunny ears take a lot longer than the regular way. I saved three seconds this morning. SOOKIE: What does your mother have to do with bunny ears? LORELAI: My mother is everywhere...[Michel enters] in my shoes, in my clothes, in my food. MICHEL: Your mother is here. LORELAI: In my inn. What do you mean, what are you talking about? Why is my mother here? SOOKIE: She's here to taste the menu for the tea. [Turns to Michel] Why doesn't she know what I'm talking about? LORELAI: What tea? SOOKIE: I thought you were going to tell her. LORELAI: What tea? MICHEL: I was going to tell her. Then I considered what it would be like if I did not tell her, and I thought it might be more fun. I was right. LORELAI: What tea? EMILY: Lorelai, do you normally keep your guests waiting like that? It's very rude. Hello, Sookie. SOOKIE: Hi, Mrs. Gilmore. Welcome. LORELAI: What tea? EMILY: There's no need to shout, Lorelai. I'm bringing the girls here Friday for afternoon tea as part of their etiquette training. LORELAI: Here, why bringing them here? EMILY: Actually I was going to take them into the city for high tea at the Pierre. But the Matre d' at the Pierre apparently believes that proper high tea includes club sandwiches and a juice bar, and I simply couldn't subject these impressionable young girls to such tasteless effrontery. LORELAI: Do they even have tea at a cotillion? EMILY: Don't be absurd. As long as I have them under my wing, I feel that it is my duty to offer them as much of my expertise as possible. Last week we went to the symphony and the hopper exhibit at the met. This week it's high tea and "Rigoletto" at Lincoln center. LORELAI: Have you done that thing where they walk around with books on their heads? That's always a good one. EMILY: Sookie, these are simply divine. SOOKIE: It's the lemon zest. It makes all the difference. EMILY: Although, we definitely shouldn't serve the spinach quiche. Some of the girls have brAces, and their mothers would never forgive me if they spent the evening with hideous green smiles. Perhaps a Shrimp salad a or more traditional cream cheese and cucumber would be more appropriate? LORELAI: Yum. Cucumber. EMILY: Is that peanut butter and jelly? SOOKIE: Yes. I just thought since the girls were only 10 that they'd enjoy it more than the smoked-salmon sandwiches. EMILY: [snapping] They're 10. They're not animals. This is a proper tea, Sookie. I'm not interested in circus food. LORELAI: [to Sookie] Stings, don't it? EMILY: [to Michel] I'd like to see the room we'll be using. If the lighting isn't right, we may have to make some adjustments. MICHEL: Right this way. EMILY: I like your hair like that, Lorelai. YALE NEWS ROOM [Paris' S.A.T.s class is studying] TUTOR: It's a good sentence, but you want to make sure never to end with a preposition. PARIS: If she ended the sentence with a preposition, how could it have been a good sentence? Sounds like a terrible sentence. TUTOR: Well I was... PARIS: You were just coddling her. You want to prop her up on your knee and burp her, maybe buy her a pony? I'm not paying you to make her feel better about her incompetence. If she can't construct a proper sentence, how is she gonna pass the essay section of the S.A.T.? TUTOR: Well... PARIS: That was rhetorical! Carry on. [moves on to another tutor] PARIS: Why don't you go slower, Dalton? 'Cause you haven't been on the same page for the last 20 minutes or anything. [Moves on to Rory and a student.] RORY: Okay, "doctor is to hospital as, "'a,' sports fan is to stadium, 'b,' ice is to freezer, 'c' professor is to college, or, 'd,' criminal is to jail?" ERIC: Um, "a," sports fan is to stadium? RORY: It's actually "c," professor is to college. When you're doing this kind of analogy, you have to be a little more specific than just filling in the blank with "is found in." A doctor works in a hospital, just as a professor works in a college. Make sense? ERIC: [smiling at Rory] You're really smart. RORY: Thanks that's very sweet, Eric. And you're just as smart. I promise. PARIS: Are you kidding? [buzzer goes off] That's it! Pencils down. [to Eric] That means you, Casanova. Time is up! Everyone out, unless your parents want to start paying for overtime, which for many of you might be a good idea. Not so fast, employees. Today's work was shoddy at best. Between the overt coddling and the inappropriate flirting, I feel like I'm running a bordello. Gilmore, do you see any of my students falling in love with me? No, and do you know why? because you don't fall in love with people that make you want to crap your pants. I want to see terror in their eyes! Fear is a great motivator, people. Use it. What are you standing around here for? Go! Dismissed. [to Rory] Okay, I'm not your boss anymore. We can do five minutes of friend time. RORY: I appreciate the offer, but I have to make a phone call. PARIS: Logan? RORY: Yep. PARIS: How's that going? RORY: It's good, you know? It's fine. PARIS: So, it's awful? RORY: No. PARIS: Because you downgraded from good to fine in under two seconds, so I figured I'd cut to the chase. RORY: Not awful. It's just hard because of the distance. PARIS: Uh-huh. How's the s*x? RORY: Um, well, seeing as he's in London and I'm here, the s*x is pretty much nonexistent. PARIS: You've got a phone. Use it. RORY: What? You mean... [Chuckles] I can't do that. I talk to my mother on that phone. PARIS: Okay, what about texting? RORY: No. No, thank you. PARIS: Why not? You say stuff when you're together, don't you? RORY: Yeah. I guess. Sometimes. PARIS: So, text it. Texting is great. And you can do it while you're doing other things. Doyle and I are doing it right now. RORY: What? [Looks at Paris' phone] Oh, my god! PARIS: Don't worry. This is advanced. Right now all you are looking to do is create some intimacy. Stick to the basics. RORY: I don't have any basics. PARIS: Write what you know. RORY: Thanks, Paris. I'll figure something out. PARIS: Doyle thinks it's a great idea. RORY: Can you not talk about me on that thing when you're doing that with him? PARIS: Sorry. RORY: Jeez. [SCENE_BREAK] LANE, ZACH AND BRIAN'S APARTMENT - MAIN ROOM [Zach is playing the guitar] ZACH: I'm telling you, man, she's totally avoiding me. She won't even talk to me. She'll barely even look at me. It's over. She's divorcing me. BRIAN: I'll admit it's not the best marriage I've seen, although I only have my parents to compare it to, and they're unusually happy. ZACH: We were happy once, and then that stupid honeymoon happened. And ever since we came home, it's like she's a different person. BRIAN: Maybe it was the parasite. ZACH: What do you mean? BRIAN: You know maybe the parasite like got into her brain and ate away the part that was in love with you. ZACH: I can't believe it's over. I mean we haven't even written our thank-you notes. BRIAN: I was gonna say. ZACH: Hey man I already told you we like the bowl. BRIAN: Doesn't mean I don't deserve a note. [Zach starts playing again] It's all gonna be okay, Zach. I'm here for you, man. I got your back. Hey, that's nice. ZACH: Yeah, the pain is totally helping my music. [Lane comes home] LANE: We need to talk. ZACH: Okay. Let's talk. LANE: Alone? ZACH: Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Brian. LANE: I'm pregnant. [Brian gets up and leaves] ZACH: [stunned] With a baby? LANE: Yes, pregnant with a baby. ZACH: But how? When? LANE: On a beach in Mexico, about three weeks ago. I'm pretty sure you were there. ZACH: But we only did it once. LANE: Once is really all it takes. [Zack leaves] Where are you going? ZACH: Brian must be freaking out! DRAGONFLY INN - ENTRY AND RECEPTION AREA [Emily enters with the cotillion girls in tow, Lorelai is working on the computer] EMILY: Good afternoon, Lorelai. MICHEL: Oh, my goodness. EMILY: Is the library ready for us? LORELAI: Yes, the tables are set, and the tea is brewed, and I've hired some extra poor people for the girls to look down on. [The girls giggle] CHARLOTTE: She's the one I told you about -- a regular Imogene Coca. MICHEL: Oh, my god, I love them. They are like Madame Alexander dolls come to life. EMILY: All right, ladies, chins up, tummies in, and glide. [Light laughter, one of the girls (Caroline) does the "chicken walk" but stops when Emily sees, Lorelai is amused.] DRAGONFLY INN - LIBRARY [Lorelai and Michel watch from the next room] EMILY: Now, remember, ladies, the dress you'll be wearing at the cotillion on Saturday will have much fuller skirts. Several of you may be working with a crinoline, so sitting will be an entirely different experience. What is the rule of thumb we can always apply? Tiffany? TIFFANY: Bottoms out. EMILY: That's right. Bottoms, sit. Very good. MICHEL: Such elegance, such a sense of decorum, manners, grAce, charm -- everything my childhood could have been but wasn't. Oh, to go back and do it right. EMILY: Caroline, we do not grab or grope our dinner partners. CAROLINE: Sorry, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: Always maintain proper spacing and distance. LORELAI: [to Michel] Err, it's all coming back to me. Proper spacing and distance. Other kids were hugged and kissed. I was taught to maintain proper spacing and distance. EMILY: ...In which case, the utensil rule still applies. No utensil, once used, may ever touch the table again. Imagine leaving a ring of raspberry preserves on a set of fine linens. Granted, these linens aren't the best. But at the cotillion on Saturday, everything will be of the highest quality. All right, ladies, choose your first sandwich. MICHEL: Take me. LORELAI: Oh, Michel! MICHEL: Take me to the cotillion. LORELAI: Oh. MICHEL: I have to be there. I want to go back and do it right. LORELAI: No, forget it. MICHEL: I insist. You must take me. You have no choice. LORELAI: I have no choice? Do you know me? I'm not going to my mother's cotillion. MICHEL: You owe me. LORELAI: What? I do not. MICHEL: Oh, yes, you do. Last November, when you were going out of town and nervous about boarding Paul Anka for the first time, you forced me, against my better judgment, to have Paul Anka over to my home for the day so he could acclimate to other dogs. Well, not only did he traumatize my poor chows, but somehow he managed to get into my closet, the door of which was firmly closed... LORELAI: I know. I don't know how he does that. MICHEL: ...And proceeded to poop in my Prada loafers. LORELAI: Well, he knows good quality. MICHEL: When I returned your foul creature and told you about what happened, you apologized profusely and then wrote an I.O.U. On several little post-its, thinking it was all so clever. LORELAI: Gosh, I don't remember that. MICHEL: I thought as much. [he leaves] EMILY: ...On the seat of your chair. Do not leave it carelessly strewn about the table. Caroline? Caroline! [she has stuffed food into her mouth, the othe girls laugh] MICHEL: [returns to Lorelai and sticks post-it's on her] "I"... "o"... "u"... "one"... "big"... "favor." LORELAI: Can't prove I wrote that. MICHEL: [Chuckles and puts one last post-it in her hand] "Lorelai Gilmore." LORELAI: Ohh! I'll buy you a car. MICHEL: No. LORELAI: A house. MICHEL: Pick me up at 7:00. LORELAI: Michel! MICHEL: And wear your hair like you had it the other day. LANE, ZACH AND BRIAN'S APARTMENT - MAIN ROOM [Zach is watching TV] ZACH: Good nap, babe? LANE: Yeah, I was really out of it. I'm so tired all the time. It's weird. ZACH: Huh, must be the heat. LANE: Yeah, right, I guess that could have something to do with it. ZACH: Beer? LANE: No, I don't think I'll be drinking beer for a while. ZACH: Oh, that's cool. Going a little straightedge. LANE: But we probably should be drinking more calcium, so maybe I should keep an extra gallon of milk around the house. ZACH: No problemo. LANE: And I may start having cravings soon... ZACH: Oh man you know what I'm craving right now? Pizza bagels. Those are definitely going on the grocery list want some of those? LANE: Sure. ZACH: Do you like that, mountain ninja? Do you like the taste of my broadsword? LANE: Well, I'm off to see Rory. ZACH: Have fun. ANDREWS BOOKS STORE [Both girls are sitting on the floor, Rory is reading "Henry Miller Sexus", Lane and book on pregnancy] RORY: Yikes. LANE: Oh, no. RORY: Whoa! LANE: That's disgusting. RORY: Wow. LANE: No way! No way! RORY: I can't write this stuff to Logan. I can barely read it to myself. I'm bright red. LANE: Did you notice no one ever gives details when they tell you about childbirth? It's because the details are gross and scary and unacceptable. RORY: Like what? LANE: Well, apparently in about three months, I can look forward to dark spots on my fAce because it's not enough to just get fat. RORY: It's not fat. It's a baby. LANE: A baby that will shoot out of my body despite the fact that it's obviously much too large. I didn't think this through when we were dating. I was all into the fact that Zach was big and manly, which means I'm gonna have a big, manly baby, and I'm a small woman. RORY: I never thought of Zach as big and manly. LANE: Compared to Henry Lee, remember when my mom wanted me to date Henry Lee? He was like yea high. I would have had tiny, little, yea-high babies. RORY: Yeah, but he was your second cousin. I think you would have had other problems with those babies. LANE: What every, I'm not doing it, this baby is just gonna have to find another way out or stay in there forever. I really don't care. RORY: Don't worry about that part, just keep taking things one step at a time. You're doing great. LANE: How? How am I doing great? RORY: You told Zach. That was a very significant step. LANE: Yeah I told him, but I'm pretty sure he forgot. RORY: What do you mean he forgot? I don't know how things get lost in the recesses of Zach's brain, but I think he forgot. RORY: Well maybe he's just taking time to process this. You needed some time. LANE: I am growing a human being inside my body. I deserve time. [she lies down on the floor] Ugh! RORY: Okay well, what about this? [reading from her book] "Where is the chair you sit in? "Where is your favorite comb, toothbrush, nail file? Trot them out, that I may devour them at one gulp." LANE: You want to eat his toothbrush? RORY: No, I'm trying to convey that I miss him very much. LANE: Sounds like you just miss his toiletry kit. RORY: Well it's supposed to be metaphorical and evocative. It's Henry Miller. LANE: Henry miller has better stuff than that. Believe me that is not why they banned his books. RORY: Well, I'm not gonna write, "our hands groped frantically for the burning flesh." LANE: Oh, that's better. That's way hotter than the eating-his-comb thing. RORY: Really? LANE: Why not go for it why are you making such a big deal out of this? RORY: I'm just worried, you know? I mean we talk to each other on the phone every day, but I just don't think that that's enough to keep this relationship going. I guess I never realized how important the other stuff was. LANE: The s*x stuff? RORY: And the holding-hands and the falling-asleep- next-to-each-other stuff. I mean that's where the intimacy comes from, and without those options, when they're just taken away from you 'cause someone moves to London...[Sighs] Desperate measures. [starts texting Logan] LANE: Burn that flesh, sister. RORY: Okay. Here it goes. I think I'm gonna puke. LANE: Join me. That's all I'll be doing for the next two months. Oh, and did I mention the extra hair that may start to grow on my chin? Can't wait for that magic. [Rory's phone rings] Ooh, wow, quick response. I think you did good. RORY: It's not him. Hi, dad. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, kiddo. What are you up to? RORY: Um, just reading. Reading the books. What are you doing? CHRISTOPHER: Just drinking the coffee, thinking I haven't seen you in a while. RORY: I know. I miss you. CHRISTOPHER: Me too. So, maybe we could have dinner tomorrow night, if you're free. RORY: Tomorrow night? CHRISTOPHER: Only if you're free. RORY: I'm free. Yeah, that sounds like fun. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah? RORY: Sure. CHRISTOPHER: Great. That's great. I'll pick you up about 7:00. RORY: Cool. I'll see you tomorrow. CHRISTOPHER: Bye, Rory. LANE: Maybe I'll look good with a beard. LORELAI'S HOUSE - LORELAI'S BED ROOM RORY: [Gasps] Whoa! Can I keep this? LORELAI: First help me find something to wear tonight. Then you can steal whatever you want, except that -- I'm getting buried in that. RORY: I don't understand why you're going to this cotillion. Does Michel have compromising photographs of you, that I don't know about, like some snapshots from your perm year? LORELAI: No, but he does have post-its. Word to the wise, don't ever put anything in writing, 'cause even when it's on florescent sticky paper, it's still binding. RORY: You are so wise and awesome and generous. LORELAI: Yeah, you can steal anything you want if you go to the cotillion for me. RORY: Can't. LORELAI: Why? You don't have any work. You don't have a boyfriend to play with. You barely have anyone to hang out with at all. RORY: Keep going you're really making me want to do you a favor here. I can't tonight because I have plans with dad. LORELAI: Your dad? RORY: Well I'm not in the habit of calling other people's dads "dad." Yeah, my dad. He called and asked me if I wanted to have dinner with him. Is that a problem? LORELAI: No, of course not. I just didn't realize you were talking. RORY: I haven't talked to him at all, which is why I was happy he called, because we were talking all the time before. LORELAI: Yeah I know. RORY: I mean, just because you guys aren't talking, it doesn't mean I'm not allowed to talk to him. LORELAI: We are not not talking. We're just not talking right now. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Listen I think it's great that you're having dinner with your dad. RORY: Good. LORELAI: Good [talking about Rory's phone] What is with that thing? RORY: I sent Logan a text message yesterday, and he still hasn't written me back. Plus, we missed our last two phone calls 'cause he keeps getting dragged into these boring meetings. LORELAI: If he hasn't sent you anything back, it's probably he just hasn't had time yet. RORY: Yeah, that's probably it. LORELAI: Can I wear this to the cotillion? [wearing a very short dress over her other clothes] RORY: [shaking her head] Mnh-mnh. LANE, ZACH AND BRIAN'S APARTMENT - MAIN ROOM [dinner time] ZACH: Something wrong with your dinner, babe? If your bagel's a little frozen, I can microwave that bad boy for you. LANE: It's not that. I'm just feeling a little queasy. ZACH: Yeah, I've been feeling queasy, too. I'm telling you, it's got to be the heat. Do you want to go to a movie or something? Cool down with some free A.C.? LANE: I have a better idea. Why don't we talk? ZACH: Sure. What do you want to talk about? LANE: The baby. ZACH: I'm cool with the whole baby thing. LANE: You are? ZACH: Yeah. LANE: So, you're not worried at all? ZACH: Nope, no worries on this end. LANE: I see. ZACH: I think Brian might be freaking out a little bit, but that's his problem. LANE: Really? I didn't know Brian was concerned. ZACH: Well, sure. I mean, he was just getting used to the idea of us getting married, and I don't think he was expecting a baby yet. But it's a lot for the guy to take in. LANE: Absolutely. You know maybe I should talk to Brian about this because it sounds like he and I are on the same page. ZACH: What do you mean? LANE: Well, I'm glad you're fine, with the whole baby thing but I'm kind of freaking out. ZACH: You are? LANE: Totally. Zach this is not how I expected our life to go -- be married for like a day and then suddenly having to take on this new responsibility. Bringing a child into this world, it's so... ZACH: It's major, right? LANE: It's very major. ZACH: So, you're not all psyched about being knocked up? LANE: Are you kidding? This baby sucks! ZACH: Yeah! This baby totally sucks! LANE: It does. ZACH: It so does. LANE: Do you know what afterbirth is? ZACH: No. [Lane shows him a picture] Dude. LANE: I know. ZACH: You know how the baby is connected to you by that hose and I'm supposed to cut that hose? No way I'm cutting that hose. LANE: No way I'm letting you in the room when that thing comes out of me. ZACH: Oh, man, you are so awesome. I love you so much. LANE: I love you, too. [They hug and kiss] THE COTILLION [Michel and Lorelai walking down a hall towards the cotillion room.] MICHEL: It's like you don't even care. LORELAI: I care about you, just not this. MICHEL: After all the trouble I went through picking out the perfect flower for you. LORELAI: It's kinda big don't you think, it's like wearing a tree on my arm. MICHEL: It is an orchid. LORELAI: It's scratchy. MICHEL: Could have got me something, a simple boutonniere. But no. I'm so humiliated. LORELAI: Hey I have an idea, why don't we go back to the flower store, and I'll get you something? It will take two seconds. MICHEL: Forget it. We're late enough as it is. [Michel gasps as he sees the room] Yes, I can die now. LORELAI: Me too. Look at that girl. Poor thing. [looking at Caroline] MICHEL: Oh, why did someone force her to wear those exercise shoes? LORELAI: She'd probably rather be home, in jeans, climbing a tree. MICHEL: She looks perfectly happy to me. You know what I see when I look at this room? LORELAI: A bunch of kids whose outfits cost more than my car? MICHEL: No, these are not kids. They are perfect, tiny adults. We are standing amongst the next generation of movers and shakers. The future president of the united states may be in this room with us tonight. LORELAI: You're very odd. EMILY: Lorelai, you're here. LORELAI: I am. MICHEL: Hello, Emily. Oh, Emily, may I just say that what you have created here tonight is nothing short of perfection? This, this is a kind of nirvana on earth. EMILY: Thank you, Michel. It's very kind of you to say. I'm sorry. What on earth are those musicians playing? MICHEL: It sounds lovely. EMILY: Are those violinists on speed? Excuse me. LORELAI: Hey, I'm gonna get some punch. You want some? MICHEL: Oh, no, thank you very much. I'm much too excited for punch. My throat closes off when I'm excited, so swallowing punch would be very difficult right now. LORELAI: [Laughs] Okay. CHARLOTTE: Lorelai. LORELAI: Oh, Charlotte, hi. CHARLOTTE: I'm having the most wonderful time. LORELAI: Ah. CHARLOTTE: Grandmother, grandfather, it's my pleasure to introduce you to Lorelai Gilmore. Lorelai, these are my grandparents -- Beverly and Arthur Courtwright. ARTHUR: Ah, the famous Lorelai. LORELAI: Famous? I have to catch up on my us weeklies. ARTHUR: Charlotte told us you were a card. BEVERLY: She also told us that you were a delightful dining companion, like Noel Coward and Slim Keith rolled into one. LORELAI: Oh, well, she's delightful, too, like Shirley Temple and mother Teresa and someone with very good table manners rolled into one. CHARLOTTE: It's starting. The dancing is starting. ARTHUR: We should get the camera. BEVERLY: Will you excuse us? LORELAI: Yeah. CHARLOTTE: Lorelai, did I tell you? Margot, Caroline, and I are doing a hip-hop dance, and it's gonna be so funny. We rehearsed it in the bathroom. The whole thing ends up with us somersaulting towards the band. LORELAI: Wow! That's really great. CHARLOTTE: Are you gonna come dance? LORELAI: Oh, no. It's just for the kids. CHARLOTTE: Oh, come on. Everybody is dancing. TOBY: Pardon me. Would you like to dance, Charlotte? CHARLOTTE: I would be delighted, Toby. [Lorelai watches Caroline and a boy dance, they wave at each other] MICHEL: People seem to be enjoying themselves. LORELAI: Yeah. They really do, don't they? MICHEL: Want to dance? LORELAI: Me? No. Are you serious? MICHEL: I never joke about dancing. LORELAI: No, I'll pass. MICHEL: You cannot pass. This is still my night, and I'd like to dance with you. Besides, charlotte insisted that I get you out on the dance floor, so that it's two against one -- you lose. Now, let's go. LORELAI: Oh! Well... we're really [they start dancing and Lorelai looks like she is having a good time] uh-oh, uh-oh. Oh! Whoa! EMILY: I see you're having a terrible time. LORELAI: The worst. LORELAI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN CHRISTOPHER: So, do you want the rest of this key lime pie or should I take it with me? RORY: I don't know how you ordered key lime pie when there was chocolate brownie on the menu. CHRISTOPHER: Because you'd already ordered a chocolate brownie. RORY: But just the one. CHRISTOPHER: Maybe we should give it to Paul Anka. After all, the doggie bag was invented with him in mind. Seems only fair he should benefit. RORY: There is not way he's gonna eat that. [They laugh] I told you. [Lorelai comes in] LORELAI: Hey. RORY: Hi, mom. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, we were just splitting up the food. I'm...on my way out. LORELAI: Oh. Take your time. Is that key lime pie on the floor? CHRISTOPHER: Is that a corsage on your arm? LORELAI: Oh, this? Yeah. Subtle, isn't it? CHRISTOPHER: If by "subtle," you mean "weird and giant," then, yeah, super subtle. LORELAI: Ha. RORY: Okay, I think I'm gonna take Paul Anka for his walk. Ah, thanks for dinner, dad. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, thanks, kiddo. RORY: Come on. Go on. [Chris picks up the key lime pie off the floor] LORELAI: Oh thanks. CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] LORELAI: Did you guys have fun? CHRISTOPHER: It was good, really good. First time I ever saw her order a drink. LORELAI: Strange, right? CHRISTOPHER: Very strange... Anyway, I should be going. LORELAI: I'm sorry I didn't call you back. CHRISTOPHER: It's okay. LORELAI: I was going to. I just... CHRISTOPHER: I understand. Don't worry about it. LORELAI: Do you want some coffee or anything? CHRISTOPHER: Sure. LORELAI: Okay. [starts getting the coffee] CHRISTOPHER: Actually, you know what? I can't. LORELAI: Oh. Okay. CHRISTOPHER: I can't just sit here and have coffee with you. LORELAI: Okay. CHRISTOPHER: I love you. I know the other night didn't mean for you what it did for me, but I don't regret it and I haven't stopped thinking about it since it happened -- not just because it was great, which it was... but because it was right. It was so right, lore, and you may not see that right now, but I do. And if I have to wait until we're both 80 years old for you to see it, then I'll wait. I'm not going anywhere. This is it for me. You're it for me, and I can't pretend to feel any less than I do. I'm sorry. I-I -- I just can't. [Chris leaves] LORELAI'S HOUSE - RORY'S ROOM RORY: [Sighs, then dials the phone] LOGAN: Ace. RORY: Hey, how's it going? LOGAN: It's 4:45 in the morning. Are you okay? Did something happen? RORY: Not really. Um, I just -- I sent you a text the other day. LOGAN: [Chuckles] Yeah, I know. I texted you back. RORY: No, you didn't. LOGAN: Yes, I did. Check your phone. RORY: I don't have any missed calls. Oh, wait, there's a little envelope thingy in the bottom corner. LOGAN: Get out of town. RORY: It went directly to my saved messages. Why would it do that? LOGAN: I couldn't tell you. RORY: [reading the message] Ooh, wow. Whoa, yours is really good. Okay, well, sorry to wake you. I'll talk to you in a few hours. LOGAN: Whoa, wait a minute where do you think you're going? RORY: Um, to sleep? LOGAN: No, I don't think so. You woke me up. I'm up. Text me back. RORY: You want me to text you back now? LOGAN: You started this. RORY: I know, but I don't have my books with me. LOGAN: You don't need your books, Ace. RORY: Logan... LOGAN: I miss you, Rory. RORY: You do? LOGAN: Yeah. RORY: I miss you, too. I can't text you with you on the phone. LOGAN: Okay, so hang up. RORY: I'm gonna hang up now. LOGAN: Okay. RORY: Okay. Bye. LOGAN: Bye. [they hang up and Rory starts texting]] LORELAI'S HOUSE - LORELAI'S BEDROOM [Lorelai is looking at the corsage, she sighs and makes a phone call] LORELAI: Hi, Chris.

When Richard and Emily have no real reaction to the news of her break up, Lorelai suddenly realizes that most of her emotional life has been based on doing and feeling the opposite of whatever her parents want. Later, when Michel forces Lorelai to attend Emily's cotillion dance, Lorelai discovers that some things her parents wanted for her weren't really that terrible. Meanwhile, Rory has a tough time making her long-distance relationship work.

fd_The_Mentalist_01x09

fd_The_Mentalist_01x09_0

Mentalist: Someone who uses mental acuity, hypnosis and/or suggestion. A master manipulator of thoughts and behavior. CBI Jane: Are you ready? Feeling awake, mentally alert? Lisbon: Yes. Jane: Fantastic. Okay. I want you to imagine a screen between you and I On that screen I want you to project a basic shape like a square, but not a square. Got it? Lisbon: Okay. Jane: Lock it in. Now I want you to project another shape and put that shape around the shape you already have. Lisbon: Okay. Jane: Excellent. Here's the fun part. Now concentrate and project that onto the back of my mind. Look right here. Open up your mind and send it to me. Okay, now I'm starting to feel it. It's a triangle inside a circle. Lisbon: No. Jane: It's not? Lisbon: No. I was thinking of an octagon inside a rectangle. Jane: Liar. Lisbon: All right. All right, you got me. Van Pelt: Hmm, pretty good, huh? He got me and Rigsby the same way. Lisbon: How did you do that? Jane: Oh, that's nothing. That's just a calibration key to real mind reading. Now I have access to all your innermost thoughts. Lisbon: Yeah, right. Jane: I'm serious. Lisbon: Okay. So what am I thinking right now? Jane: You're thinking, "I'm so glad Jane is joking around and he can't actually read my mind." Lisbon: No. Well- well, actually, yes, but-but not for the reason you think. Jane: What reason do I think? Lisbon: Never you mind. Rigsby: You're blushing. Jane: You are blushing. Cho: Hey, we're up. Suspected arson/murder on a farm in Marquesa. The county d.A.'s asking if we'll check it out. Lisbon: Let's go. Cho: All right. Marquesa Lisbon: Chief Piller, why the fire truck? Shouldn't they be gone by now? Chief Piller: Well, took forever to put the fire out. There wasn't enough water pressure to fill the hoses on account of the drought. Rich Garcia used to have the best corn in the county. Now look at it. Anyway, this is where we found him- What was left of him There's hardly anything left for Susan and Madeleine to bury. Jane: Tough to bury a comrade, I think.Probably saved your life more than once. Vice versa? Chief Piller: How did you know we served together? Jane: You've been crying. You don't strike me as the kind of man that would cry for no reason. And that's a national guard signet ring you're wearing, isn't it? Chief Piller: Yeah, we were in the 3-192 armor. We did two tours in anbar together. So you must be the arson specialist. Jane: Uh, no. The arson specialist- Lisbon: That would be agent Rigsby. Mr. Jane is a consultant. Chief Piller: Mm. So you-you'll be able to tell, then, definitively, whether the fire was, uh, arson or accident or whatever? Rigsby: Two years with the San Diego county arson squad, chief. I'll be able to tell. Chief piller, you and your men haven't contaminated the scene, correct? Chief Piller: My men? Uh, it's just me and Terry O'brien, agent. But yeah, we did like you said. After we hauled Rich out, we haven't set foot in. Rigsby: So to determine if it's arson, I'm gonna need to analyze the burn path, find the point of origin,check for signs of an accelerant. It's arson, all right... And murder. Van Pelt: How can you tell? Rigsby: This is part of the garage door. Van Pelt: Yes? Rigsby: The lock's on the outside. Someone locked Garcia in, lit the place up. Your friend was murdered. I'm sorry. Cho: Don't they usually like to watch their work-arsonists? Rigsby: Yeah, even more so when it's coupled with murder. Lisbon: Maybe this guy's different. What do you think... Jane?Jane? Jane? Van Pelt: Patrick Jane? Jane: Over here! He watched from up here. He was here. Lisbon: What does it look like? Rigsby: It's sophisticated work. Electronic timers, mercury switches. Need the lab on it to be sure, but looks like they used a distinctive accelerant-rocket fuel, something like that so we have a pro at work, Cho: Or a very gifted amateur. Great Lisbon: And get a cast of the tire tracks down the road. You guys go into town and talk to the guy Garcia was going to meet that night-chief, what's his name? Chief Piller: Mitchell reese. He works the gas station on Main Street. Rigsby: Mitchell Reese. On our way Lisbon: Let's you and me go in and talk to the widow. Jane? [INT] Chief Piller: These folks are from The California Bureau of Investigation. They're gonna help find who did this to Rich. Susan: Hi. Nice to meet you. Thank you for coming. I, uh... Are you hungry? There's more than enough. Jane: Oh, I-I could do with a bite. Lisbon: No, but thank you, Mrs. Garcia. Jane: Guess not. Ben: I, uh, put in some K.P. With the dishes, and brought in the firewood, so you're all set. Susan: Thank you. Ben: You need anything? Susan: No, Ben, I'm good. Thank you so much. These are the state police people. Ben: Oh, hey. Ben Machado. Anything you need, just say the word. You got it. Chief Piller: Ben's our, uh, go-to guy in Marquesa. Ben: He just means I'm the only real estate agent around here who takes his commission in fertilizer and chickens. Jane: You were in the 192nd as well? Ben: That's right. Jane: You have that military bearing. Chief Piller: Rich and Ben and me and a couple other guys ran a platoon together. Ben: Yeah. You guys are gonna catch the b*st*rd who did this a-sap, right? Lisbon: We're certainly gonna try. Ben: I guess that'll have to do. I'll see you in the morning? Chief Piller: I should go, too. Lisbon: Ma'am, mind if we ask you some questions? Susan: No, of course not. Please. Jane: You must be madeleine. Maddy. Maddy: Whatever you're selling-pass. Funny. What are you, a moron? My dad just died. Jane: Yes. My condolences It happens. You'll learn to live with it. Not for, uh, a while, but in the end, you will. Maddy: Who are you? Jane: My name's Patrick Jane. I'm the man that will find outwho it was that killed your father and have him or her-or them- put in a prison cell. If you'll talk to me. Maddy: If I'll talk to you? Like I know who did it. Jane: Well, you could help me find out. Maddy: Yeah? Jane Your dad was in the National Guard for a long time. How come there's no pictures of him with his buddies? Maddy: He used to have all his military crap in a glass case on the photo wall- You know, medals and pictures and stuff. But he took it down. Jane: Why is that? Maddy: How should I know? He didn't like talking aboutwhat he did over there- not to me, anyway. Jane: Who did he talk to, your mom? Maddy: No. Jane: What do you mean by, " no"? Maddy: Nothing. I mean, he doesn't like talking about that stuff. Jane: Why are you so angry at your mom? Maddy: I'm... I'm not. Jane: If you weren't angry, you'd be with her right now. She needs you. Her husband just died. Maddy: Oh, I'm sure she'll learn to live with it. Susan: I was watching TV. Maddy was in her room. Richard called to say he was leaving Mitch's, He'd be home soon. He was doing stuff for the avocado parade. And then next thing, I heard a strange noise, and I saw a light out that window. It was the garage burning, and Rich inside it... Screaming. That's what the noise was- Rich screaming, trying to get out of the garage. Tommy: Hello, Mrs. Garcia. Um, I brought corn chips- uh, cool ranch. Susan: Thank you, sweetie. Um, would you like some food? Tommy: Oh, could I have some chicken? Susan: Of course, anything you want. Help yourself Um, Tommy does odd jobs around town. Challenged, but ever so independent, bless him. Maddy: "challenged"? He's retarded, mom. Why can't you ever tell the truth about anything? Everything's a lie! Susan: Sorry. You know teenagers. Jane: You know why she's so angry? She suspects that your lover is responsible for the killing of her father. Susan: My lover? How dare you? Jane: The policeman. Lisbon: Chief Piller? Jane: Him. Susan: Maddy suspects no such thing. Jane: Well, that wasn't very convincing. You want to try that again with a little more feeling? Susan: You just cannot come in her and make wild accusations like this. Jane: You never looked him in the eye once. He kept trying to take your hand. You wouldn't let him. The air was practically buzzing with furtive shame and yearning, which tells me that you were lovers and suggests two possibilities- You and Piller killed your husband together, and now you're remorseful... Susan: No. Jane: No. I believe you. You'd have found a more humane method of killing him. Second possibility-you have a horrible feeling that maybe Piller did this thing to clear the field for himself. Susan: No. Trey would never. They were best friends. Jane: A best friend that has an affair with his "best friend's" wife? Lisbon: Susan... We'll find out the truth. Susan: When Rich came back from the war... He closed me out. He went somewhere else. He wasn't my husband anymore. Lisbon: Did you have an affair with Trey Piller? Susan: Yes. But Trey would never hurt Rich. I know that. Jane: Well, you hope. Rigsby: Come on, help us out, Mr. Reese. You might have been the last person to see Rich Garcia alive. Mitchell: How about that Van Pelt: What's the problem? Electrics shot, I bet.Always the same with the early '70s models, huh? Mitchell: Yeah. I gotta get the old pig runnin' smooth for the parade. That's what Rich and I were talking about the night he died. Van Pelt: Did you notice anyone else around, anyone waiting nearby for him? What time did he leave? Mitchell: It was kind of late. Around 10:00, maybe. Are you thinkin' this is murder? Someone cooked him deliberate? Rigsby: Yes, looks like. Mitchell: That's weird. Rigsby: Why weird? Mitchell: Another man killed by arson in the same town from the same guard unit? That's weird. Rigsby: Hang on. Another man? Mitchell: Didn't Chief Piller tell you? Three years ago. A guy called David Martin. Burnt to a crisp. Rigsby: And he was with the 192nd as well? Mitchell: Yep. That's what I heard, anyhow. It was before my time. Only been in town a year. David mArtin lived up at Alton's Grove. Surprised Chief Piller didn't mention him. Van Pelt [phone]: Van Pelt. Ben: This is Trey Piller's house. Rigsby: Fire department's on its way, boss. Lisbon: Is Chief Piller still inside? Ben: I don't know. Chief Piller: Help! Cho: Stop! Rigsby, wait! Idiot! Van Pelt: Rigsby! Oh, my god! Don't move. Don't move.Don't move. Don't move. You'll be all right. You're gonna be okay. I'm just gonna lift your arm, okay? The doctor said we have to change the dressing pretty often at first. Rigsby: How's Chief Piller? The burn unit in Sacramento says it's touch and go. Lisbon: Here. It's that mango crap you like. Jane: How are you feeling? Rigsby: Took some kick-ass painkillers, man I guess this lets Piller out as a suspect, huh? Lisbon: Yeah, especially since the doctors at the burn unit found date rape drugs in his system. He told them that he woke up with smoke and fire all around him. Jane: Interesting new level of cruelty- Dosing someone so they wake up just in time to burn alive. Cho: Hey, it's the mummy. So the fire at Piller's house- Same m.O. As the one that killed Rich Garcia. Accelerant's ethylether. That's a signature. Tricky stuff to work with, too. Takes skill, finesse. Lisbon: Why don't you go and see what Susan Garcia has to say about all this? And let's you and me check out this Alton's Grove place where David Martin died. Rigsby: Oh, "the mummy." I get it. Bandages. Lisbon: And no more painkillers for him. Cho: Why didn't you tell us about Dave Martin? Susan: What about him? Cho: Same national guard unit, same death by fire. That's a pretty spooky coincidence. Susan: But Dave's death was an accident, and nearly three years ago, besides. Cho: An accident? Susan: Passed out with a cigarette, poor fool. Burned his place right down to a cinder. There wasn't a thing left of him. We had to bury ashes. Cho: Are there any, um... Are there any other connections between this Dave Martin and your husband? Susan: Dave was kind of in business with them- With Rich and Trey and Ben. Cho: What kind of business? Susan: Mar Verde real estate corporation, they called it. It started out as just a way to get Dave Martin a place to live. "no man left behind" and all, even Dave. Cho: He had problems? Susan: He was an ornery drunk, basically. Didn't get along with anyone but his guard buddies. They got together andbought a 5-acre piece of land from the town up at Alton's Grove. Cho: And after he died, what happened to the land? Susan: Oh, it took forever to get the land back into their names. Legal silliness. I told Rich, "don't waste your time. Land's worth nothing anyhow." Tommy Odds lives up there now, kind of a caretaker. Cho: And as of now, Ben Machado's the only partner still standing. Susan: I guess that's right.Alton Grove. Lisbon [phone] Interesting. Give me a call after you speak to Machado. Jane: We have an audience. Hey, Tommy. Remember Teresa Lisbon? Tommy: Um, come in. Lisbon: So , Tommy... We are here because... Mrs. Garcia told my colleague that you look after this place for the owners? Tommy: I keep an eye out. That's what Mr. Garcia said- "keep an eye out, Tommy." Lisbon: Is that David Martin? Tommy: Dave was nice. He didn't make fun of me, not one time. You don't smoke cigarettes, do you? Lisbon: No. Tommy: Oh, good. Dave did, and he got burned up on accident. Lisbon: Did you see it? Tommy: No, I was at the hospital, 'cause my appendix busted. You want to see my scar? Lisbon: No. No, but I'm sure Mr. Jane would love to. Jane? Jane? Lisbon: All this green in the middle of a drought? Jane: Not at Alton's Grove. Tommy: Do you like it? I got geraniums, too. Lisbon: It's very pretty. Tommy: But don't tell, okay? The-the company will make me move out. I won't have nowhere to live. Lisbon: It seems like it's coming from the ground. Jane: It's an aquifer-new source of groundwater Lisbon: Must be worth millions. Jane: Worth killing for. Motel Rigsby: "Van Pelt? Van Pelt: Yes? Rigsby: "Grace"... It's a lovely name. Graceful. I've been waiting to say something to you for ages now. I think now's a good time, 'cause I nearly died. I love you, Grace. I totally love you. Wh- You okay? Van Pelt: Yes. Rigsby: Why did you make that noise? Van Pelt: It's not that I don't like you. I do. It's just... We work together, And there are rules. And if we were to get together, one of us would have to leave the unit, and I'm junior agent, so that would be me. And this job is so importantto me, and I just... Cho: Hey. You want to go to work, or you want to play nurse for king tut? Van Pelt: Work. Definitely work. Van Pelt: Mr. Machado? Hello? Cho: Maybe he's around back. Let's check out the barn. Van Pelt: I guess we found Machado. Cho: Yeah. Mr. Machado! Ben Machado! Ben: Come any closer, and I'll shoot you, and I will shoot to kill! Cho: Mr. Machado, we're police! This is the police! Ben: Let me see a badge! Van Pelt: I'm showing the badge. Don't shoot! Ben: Damn! Okay. Don't shoot! Cho: Turn around. Ben: I didn't know you guys were cops. Cho: What, you thought we were selling magazine subscriptions? Cho: Hey, check this out- The accelerant used in the fires. Six jugs of it in the barn. [SCENE_BREAK] CBI Rigsby: Ethyl ether. Burns at 600 degrees Fahrenheit. You know what temp human skin burns at? I was lucky. Second-degree burns mostly. Trey Piller's face, it just came off. Ben: Look, I don't know where that stuff came from. Someone's framing me. Cho: Somebody frame you for shooting at us, Mr. Machado? 'cause from where I stood, sure looked like you. Ben: That was a misunderstanding. I didn't know who you guys were I was defending myself. Cho: Really? From whom? Ben: From someone trying to kill me, just like they killed Rich And tried to kill Trey. Cho: And why would you be next on someone's to-burn list Ben: Because we were all in business together. Cho: And with them gone, you're the sole proprieto of Alton's Grove-sole owner of all that water. Rigsby: Oh, yeah, Ben, we know about the aquifer- All that money right under your feet. But see, that's the perfect motive for you to burn up Piller and Garcia. You. Ben: I didn't do it, okay? Cho: Mm-hmm. So you're saying whoever did fry them is going to try to kill you. Now who is that again? Ben: I don't know. Cho: Ben, I gotta say, I'm skeptical. Why would anyone want to see you three dead? Who benefits from that? Jane: Do you want to know my guess? Ben: No. Jane: Dave Martin. Ben: Dave Martin is dead. Jane: Is he? Did you see his body, Ben, after the fire? Ben: No, but he's dead. Jane: You seem pretty sure about that, like you were there. Ben: What are you insinuating? Jane: Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm saying you three tried to kill him to get Alton's Grove for yourselves. Ben: That's a lie. Jane: Dave came to you all excited. He found a liquid fortune... On property that you bought for him-practically your land. Dave owed you. But he didn't even offer you a taste, did he? Ungrateful b*st*rd. Ben: That's ridiculous. We had no idea what was there till recently. Jane: You and Rich and Trey wanted what Dave had, so you set fire to his house, and you left him there to die. Imagine-imagine the betrayal he felt, the helpless rage. Ben: That fire was a tragic accident and you have no proof otherwise. Jane: Well, someone out there doesn't need proof. Someone out there needs revenge- Someone very smart and very determined. That's why he's terrified and shooting at cops. Well, you should be terrified. I hope you burn like a candle, you miserable son of a bitch. Ben: You can't talk to me like that. I have rights. Jane: Yes, you do Well, let this creep go. We don't have anything on him. Lisbon: Two notes here-we already have plenty on him. One-armed assault on Cho and Van Pelt, and two, a barn full of fire accelerant as well. Jane: The assault was self-defense, and the accelerant was a plant. Only two? Lisbon: Actually, no. Where do you get offgiving orders in the first place? I say who goes and who stays, not you. Jane: Well, that's, uh, fiery but calm. Very good Why don't you try it with a more forceful hand gesture, like, "I say who goes and who stays, not you"? Lisbon: I'm serious. Jane: So am I. If he's in here, how is the killer gonna get to him? Lisbon: He could be the killer, and even if he's not, We don't want the killer to get him. Jane: Yes, we do. Machado is our bait. He's our tethered goat. Lisbon And too bad if the bait gets killed? Jane: Well, yes. That's why you use goats and not babies or virgins, for that matter. Lisbon: Machado's not a goat. Jane: Well, you're right. He's not actually a goat. He's goatish. He deserves to suffer a little. Lisbon: Nobody deserves murder. Jane: Machado helped burn Dave Martin alive out of greed. Lisbon: Jane, we're officers of the law. Jane: You are. I don't care about the law. I care about justice, and justice says Machado deserves to suffer. Lisbon: That's not justice. It's vengeance Jane: What's the difference? Cho: What do you want us to do with Machado, boss? Lisbon: Let him go. Cho: Really? Like, let him go, let him go? Lisbon: Really, like that. Cho: Okay. Jane: Trying some reverse psychology? Lisbon: You talk tough. Maybe it's time you learn that there's consequences. If Machado gets hurt, it's on you. Jane: Fine with me. We've never discussed this, because I thought it went without saying, But when I catch Red John, I'm gonna cut him open and watch him die slowly, like he did with my wife and child. And if you have a problem with that, we should talk. Lisbon: Then let's talk, because when we catch Red John,we are gonna take him into custody, and he's gonna be tried in a court of law. Jane: Not if I'm still breathing. Lisbon: If you try and do violence to him, I will try and stop you. If you succeed in doing violence to him, I will arrest you. Jane: I understand. Lisbon: I hope so. Jane: Well, I'm glad we talked. I had no idea you were so bourgeois and conventional on the issue. Mm. Rigsby: You thinking what I'm thinking? Cho: No. Rigsby: How do you know you're not? Cho: I was thinking how I wish I could go back in time and have s*x With my eighth grade history teacher miss Huffaker. Is that what you were thinking? Rigsby: No. I was thinking Mitch Reese, the gas station guy. Cho: Whatever lights your fire, man. Rigsby: As a suspect. Think about it. Who first told us about Dave Martin? Cho: Mitch Reese. Rigsby: Knew all about it, even though he'd only been here a year. Cho: So? Rigsby: So they never found Dave Martin's body, and now someone is taking revenge on the people that murderedhim. Cho: Mitch Reese is Dave Martin? Rigsby: The beard, the burn scars on his arms, his whole vibe. Cho: Huh. Wait, Dave Martin was bald. Wig. Rigsby: I would put money on it. Let's go talk to him. Cho: We gotta keep an eye on Machado. Rigsby: To protect Machado from the killer, and if Reese is our guy, that's what we're doing. Cho: Okay, but I'm calling it in. Rigsby: Mr. Reese, when exactly did you come to Marquesa? Mitch: 18 months ago, give or take. Cho: And what was it brought you here? Why Marquesa? Mitch: This place was for sale. Cho: No other reason? You didn't know anyone in town before you moved here? Mitch: Nope. Fresh start. Cho: How did you get those burn scars on your arms? Mitch: Engine blew up on me while I was working on it. Why do you ask? Cho: Just curious. Is that your own hair? Mitch: Excuse me? Cho: On your head. Is that yours, or are you wearing a wig? Mitch: No, it's my own hair. What kind of a question is that? Cho: Mind if we check? Mitch: Yes, I do-ow! Cho: Sorry, sir. Rigsby: Damn. Thanks for your time. Man: Hello, Ben. Aah! You're gonna need a firin' pin. You stay back or I will light you up. Ben: Who are you? What do you want? Man: You know who I am. Ben: I have no freakin' idea, man. Man: Sure you do, Ben. You tried to kill me. Ben: What? No. That's impossible. Man: No, it's not. It's me. Ben: Dave? Dave Martin? Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Man: No one can hear you, man. You're gonna die alone, screaming in agony, Like I did. Ben: This can't be happening. Help! Man: Why did you kill me, Ben? We were friends. You wanted money so bad? You should've told me. I would've helped you. Ben: I did tell you. All of us, we begged you, but you wouldn't listen, You selfish b*st*rd! We didn't want to kill you! I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry! Jane: See how much better that feels? I forgive you. Can't speak for Dave Martin, though. Ben: You son of a bitch. Jane: You don't want to make things worse for yourself. Rigsby! Cho! Ben: What? I killed an intruder in my barn. How was I to know it was a cop? If that's even what you are. What are you exactly? Jane: Rigsby! Cho! They're right outside. Ben: Oh, are they? Jane: Wait a second. One thing you're forgetting. Man: Machado! Ben Machado! Ben: That's not... Man: You ready to die? Ben: What the hell's going on? Jane: Oh, dear. Jane: Rigsby! Cho! Rigsby: Jane, you in there? Oh, crap. Jane! Jane! Jane! Are you ok? Jane: That was close. Where were you guys? Rigsby: We called in to check out a lead. Cho: Yeah, Lisbon didn't know you were about to pull an idiotic stunt. Sorry. Jane: No hard feelings. Whoa, whoa. Oh, arrest this man he confessed to killing Dave Martin. Cho: Cool. Jane: Got it all here. Cho: Turn around. Again. Jane: Yeah, yeah, you could... Yeah, I'll just... I'll just wait here. Rigsby: Freeze! Jane: That's good. Got him. CBI Tommy: Hello, sir. Cho: Tommy, what were you doing at the Machado house last night? Tommy: Sir, do you got any soda? Cho: What kind do you want? Tommy: My super favorite is root beer. Cho: Okay, I'll get you some in a minute. Tommy: Do you like root beer? Cho: No. Do you like to burn things, Tommy? Tommy: No. Cho: No? You sure about that? Tommy: Am I sure about what? Cho: What were you doing at the Machado house? Tommy: Watching the barn burn down. Cho: You liked watching it, huh? Gave you a nice feeling? Tommy: No, I was scared. I don't like fire. Fire hurts. Do you have root beer? Lisbon: It doesn't make sense. All the evidence says it's him. There was ethyl ether traces all over him. But the arsonist usedan electronic timer and rocket fuel, and Tommy's wearing velcro sneakers. Call him challenged, retarded, whatever you want- There's no way he's capable of this. Rigsby: What if he had a partner? Lisbon: Maybe that's it. Somebody's manipulating him. Someone he trusts. Jane: Give me a moment with him. Do you mind? Cho: Sure thing. Don't make a mess. Jane: Cop humor. Not funny. I'm supposed to be finding out who put you up to this. You see, my friends think you're an idiot. Tommy: Everybody says that. Sometimes they're not nice. Jane: Yes. Being a fool gives you a sort of power, doesn't it? You're there, and you're not there. It's like having a wizard's cloak of invisibility. Tommy: I don't understand what you're saying, sir, but I like wizards. The-the other man said he'd get me a root beer, but he never did. Jane: Revenge is a hard road, isn't it? It's like when Captain Ahab was chasing Moby-Dick. The whale died all right, but the "peapod" went down, too. Tommy: "Pequod." Ahab's ship is the "Pequod." Jane: Exactly. The "Pequod." Silly of me. Here's your copy here. I must say, I'm impressed. I know english literature professors that haven't read "Moby-Dick." Tommy: I like whales. They eat squids. Jane: Looking back, I should have known it was you the first time I saw you. Only an idiot would wear a t-shirt like that to a house in mourning... An idiot or a daring killer with a warped sense of humor. You're going down for this one. You might as well go down as your real self. You have pulled off something amazing. You should be proud in a way. Tommy: That root beer coming? Jane: Why don't you just talk to me, Thomas? There's no point in hiding anymore. I can see you. Tommy: What do you want to know? Jane: Hello. Good to meet you. I am curious. Are there two of you, or is Tommy just an act that you put on? Tommy: Oh, please. I'm not a mental case. Tommy's an act... A-a performance. Jane: That you never turn off. Tommy: He amuses me. He protects me. When I was 18, I jacked a car and got caught. But when I pulled the Tommy act, the cops let me go. I've gotten much better since then, of course. Jane: Good enough to avenge Dave Martin's death. Tommy: Three months ago, the company finally got a permit to exploit the aquifer. All that money. I put things together, realized what they'd done to Dave. Thanks. Jane: I confess, I-I never really could get to the end of it. Ahab does die, doesn't he? Tommy: Yes. But so does the whale. Jane: That's my point. Revenge doesn't come cheap. Tommy: Oh, spare me your moralizing. I know what revenge costs. It's worth the price. David Martin had many flaws, no doubt. But he was my friend. My friend. Those animals, they deserve what they got. It was justice. Jane: You admit to killing Rich Garcia and trying to kill Trey Piller? Tommy: I watched them scream and writhe in agony... And it was beautiful. It was redemptive. You wouldn't understand. Jane: Agent Cho does the formal police charging stuff. We're done. Good luck, Thomas. Tommy: Would you do one thing for me? Jane: You can ask. Tommy: Would you tell Maddy Garcia... I'm sorry for hurting her? Maddy: Sorry? He's sorry? You tell him if he ever gets out of jail, I'm gonna set him on fire and see how he likes it. Susan: Maddy. Maddy: I am! Susan: Your father wasn't- Maddy: And don't you talk about him.You have no right! No right! Jane: Your father killed a man and Tommy killed him out of revenge. You know that. Revenge is a poison. Revenge is for fools and for madmen. Maddy: I don't care. Jane: Yes, you do. Hey, come here. Come on. We have to go, but, uh, could you do me a favor? Could you both do me a favor? Would you hug? Just pretend like you love each other. Please? That's it. Just like that. That's good. Now hold that pose until we leave. It'll help Lisbon and me feel like we've actually made a difference. Thank you. Lisbon: So? Jane: So? Lisbon: Seems like this whole thing changed your mind about vengeance. Jane: Huh? Lisbon: "Revenge is for fools and madmen." Jane: That was rather good, I thought. Total nonsense, but quite good nonetheless. Shall we?

Jane and the team head to a small farming town to investigate the murder of a National Guard veteran, Rich Garcia, who was killed in an arson fire. After learning Rich's fellow veteran buddy, Dave Martin, was killed in a house fire a few years back, the team goes to question the town's police chief, also a veteran from Rich's unit, only to find his house ablaze. With three out of four members from the unit killed by fire, the CBI digs deeper and learns Dave discovered something more valuable than gold to the drought-stricken farming community - a limitless water supply on land purchased for him by his fellow soldiers. When Dave would not cut them in on the potential profits, his "buddies" set his house on fire. Evidence points to the only surviving soldier, Ben Machado, but when someone tries to set him on fire, the team realizes the killer they're after is not motivated by greed but is instead out to avenge Dave's murder.

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"Off the Menu" 42nd Episode of Roswell Production Code: 2ADA20 [SCENE_BREAK] Chalkboard Narrative: Maria: Brody: self-made millionaire and owner of the UFO center. Larek: an alien living on a faraway planet and also a good buddy of our friend Max. Brody/Larek -- notice any similarities? See, when Larek -- who lives all the way up here -- wants to talk to his good buddy Max -- who lives all the way down here -- he finds the commute a little inconvenient, so he takes over Brody's body, like possessing him or something, and, uh, uses him as a human cell phone. If you think about it, why couldn't they invent like an alien cell phone, I mean, they're aliens? No? Basically, the aliens are ready to go back to their home planet. Michael, Liz and I have found Alex's killer, or did we? Something happened a few weeks ago -- before Max started to remember Tess and Liz started to get closer to Sean and before ... Alex died -- before any of this. I just, I didn't think it was important to tell you at the time, but if you watch closely, it contains the key to everything... [Scene opens in the UFO center: Max is strolling through, whistling, on his way to Brody's office door.] Max: Brody? [He knocks.] Brody, you in there? Brody: Max, Hi! Max: Hey. You wanted me to reorganize your crop circle files tonight? Brody: I did? Oh, right, uh--well forget about that. You go off home. Max: Home? I still have three hours left on the clock. Brody: Oh, work, work, work. Don't you have a life? O.K., I'll tell you what, uh, why don't you fix the weather balloon? Max: OK [He leaves and Brody goes back into his office and puts a Virtual Reality thing back on.] Brody: Computer, run abduction simulation 1.5. All right, I was home, minding my own business. Suddenly I'm gone for three days. Where did I go? Computer, run simulation 1.6. Yes, something like this. I remember being in a room like this, but, but this doesn't look very alien, more like a warehouse. And there were other people here. Humans. Computer, add human forms to program, 3 male, 3 female. Yes, I was here, doing something. I was talking! If I could just remember what I was-[Beep, Beep. Memory disk full] Override, continue simulation. Yes, I was sitting here. And to my left I remember a boy. Nicolas! And at the end of the table was-Oh, my god, Max! How could Max be in... [He is cut off as he is zapped by a bolt of electricity. He moans, all the lights go out, and he falls on the floor, unconscious. Max walks to the fuse box to try and figure out what is wrong, and then we see Brody open a file cabinet and take out a gun. Max is still messing with the fuse box as footsteps approach.] Tess: It's not a fuse, the lights are out all over town, the streetlights and everything. Oh, this is for you. Max: What is it? Tess: you have to open it to find out. Max: What's the occasion? Tess: Does there have to be an occasion, Max? It's just a gift. You know, I saw a black sweater on sale, v-neck, and I thought of you. If you don't want it I can just give it to Kyle. [She starts to walk away from him.] Max: Tess... Tess: What? Max: Sorry. Thank you. This was, uh, very thoughtful. I'll turn on the emergency power. [Brody enters slowly] Brody: Why did you lie to me? Max: Brody, what's wrong? Brody: You're an alien, aren't you? Max: I don't know what you're talking about. Brody: Yes you do. New York City. We were all there. You and You and me. We were there with the other aliens. Max: Larek? Brody: There! That's an alien name. That makes you an alien. [Taking out the gun from behind his back] How else could you know that? [He points the gun at Max and Tess as Max raises his hand] Max: Brody, just put the gun down. I am not an alien and neither is Tess. [Brody fires just as Max puts up his force field. The bullet is caught and redirected into a picture; it shatters the glass] Brody: So how do you explain that? [Opening Credits] [Scene opens again on a computer screen showing the confrontation between Brody and Max. We see Max using his powers] Brody: Security cameras are on backup power. It's all on disk. Max: Brody, please, what do you want? Brody: I want you to tell me who I really am. Am I Brody, or am I Larek? What am I? [Outside the UFO center] Maria: Oh my god, mom. No offense, but nobody is going to be clamoring through a black-out to buy one of your 'George W. is an alien T-shirts.' Sean: Not even if you were giving them away. Amy: Oh come on! It's called an entrepreneurial spirit, people. [They enter the UFO center. Brody, Max and Tess look their way.] Amy: Puts food on the table and gas in the Jetta. These T-shirts are hot off the presses; I want them on the market right now [Sees Brody with the gun pointed at Max and Tess] Amy: Or later! Uh, Come on kids... Brody: Hey! Nobody's going anywhere. [Scene shifts to Sheriff Valenti's, there is a knock at the door. He opens it to Deputy Hanson] Hanson: Hey sheriff. How you doin' tonight? Valenti: Good, what can I do for you dep-Sheriff? Hanson: Well, we kind of have a situation brewin'. Turns out this power outage is pretty serious; an entire grid was somehow taken out. VALENTI: Uh-huh. Hanson: Entire town's totally dark. New Mexico DWP's a little stumped, so I was thinkin' that this may be this is what you call a F-E-M-A situation? Valenti: Call Ralph. Electrician? Big guy who rewired the station last spring. He'll know what to do. Hanson: No FEMA. Ralph. Valenti: Ralph. Hanson: Thanks, Sheriff. Valenti: Um...I'm not the sheriff anymore. Hanson: Right, sorry. Thanks...Jim. [He leaves. Back at the UFO center] Brody: I have memories of things I'm not supposed to know, but I do know them. I know that you're Max Evans and I also know you're Zan. None of it makes any sense. All I know is that you've been lying to me. And now I want the truth or this is going to the FBI. Sean: What the hell is this guy talking about? Amy: Too much time at the UFO center. Brody: Stop talkin' over there! [He walks over to them] Max: Ok look. Look, I can help. Brody: Yeah, well you better. I want these aliens out of my head. Amy: Maybe it would be better if we left you aliens alone. Brody: [Taking duct tape, handing it to Max] Tie them up. [He starts, Tess helps] Maria: Brody. Brody, we're close. We're friends. Brody: I'm not close to anyone right now. Maria: What happened to you? [Her phone rings] Amy: Don't point that gun at my daughter. Maria: I should get it. Brody: No way. Maria: I always pick up my cell phone, if I don't pick it up whoever is calling will know something is wrong. They're probably going to try to come and find me. Brody: You tell them you're busy and they're not to come looking for you. Maria: Hello. Liz: Maria! You will never believe what happened to me in bio today. Maria: Yeah, I bet I won't. Listen, I'm a little tied up right now so I think I'm going to be late for my shift. Actually, um, I don't think I'm going to make it to work at all. Liz: what's the matter, is everything Ok? Maria: Yeah, I've been thinking' about the menu lately and you know the Galaxy Sub with Pepper Jack it's not selling all that well, so maybe we should take it off the menu. Liz: "Off the menu?" Brody: That's enough. [Dial tone, Liz looks at her phone.] That's enough. [Dial tone, Liz looks at her phone.] Brody: What was that about? Maria: It was just shoptalk. It's nothing. [At the Crashdown] Liz: That was weird. Michael: What was? Liz: Maria just hung up on me. Michael: Happens to me all the time. Isabel: This burger isn't cooked. The cheese isn't even melted. [She starts to use her powers to cook the burger.] Michael: Don't! That makes it taste like crap. Isabel: I want it cooked. Michael: It's fine this way because you still get the taste of the grill. Isabel: Yeah, and the possibility of contracting E-coli or Mad Cow disease. No, thank you. [She uses her powers to cook the burger. Back to the UFO center] Tess: I think it's time we used my Mind Warp on Brody. We'll walk right out of here. Max: Do it. Just be careful. [She tries to, but Brody knows it. Shows flashes from New York] Brody: Don't try your mind games on me. [She collapses, out of breath] Max: Tess. Tess: His mind ... it's too crowded. I can't get in. [Brody walks over to them] Brody: You really want to help me Max, or Zan, or whatever your name is? [Max stands] Tell me why I have all this information in my head. Tell me why I know that this thing is called a trithium amplification generator and that when I turn it like this...[objects emits a light flash that sends Max sprawling on the floor & also knocks Tess over] You can't use you're powers anymore. How do I know that, huh? Max: I don't know what you're talking about. I really don't. [Max strains against the tape around his wrists. To Tess] Max: He's right. My powers aren't working. Maria: Mom, don't worry. I gave Liz a coded message. Any minute now 50 cops will be busting down that door and getting us all out of here. Sean: What coded message? Maria: The Galaxy Sub with Pepper Jack, it's what Brody always orders. Sean: And? Maria: Liz is my best friend, we have our own language. She'll understand. Trust me. [At the Crashdown] Liz: Galaxy Sub with Pepper Jack. Does that mean anything to you? Isabel: I don't really listen to Maria when she's talking. I'm probably the wrong person to ask. Liz: Michael? Michael: I don't really listen either. I'm outta here. Liz: No, wait, we're still on duty. We don't close for another four hours. Michael: Come on Liz, there's no power. There's no customers. There's nothin' to do. Liz: But the power could come back any time. [Isabel makes a bad face] Michael: I'm sure you can handle the dinner rush. Come on, Is, let's go get Max. Isabel: [Mouth full] OK. You were right, this is really bad. [Liz just shakes her head. Scene switches to the UFO center. The door is locked and Michael uses his powers on the electronic lock pad] Michael: It probably locked when the power went out. [Control pad beeps. Brody is messing with his gun when he hears the door slam] Maria: See, I told you, the cavalry was on the way. Michael: I think Vegas loosened him up. Isabel: Michael, the guy irons his jeans. Michael: Get Down! [Brody fires, Michael tries to use his powers but they don't work because of the trithium amplification generator. Liz hears the gunshots from the Crashdown.] Michael: [to Isabel] Go, Go, Go! [More gunshots. Michael and Isabel are gasping for breath] Michael: Are you OK? [Liz comes out of the Crashdown] Isabel: Yeah. Why didn't your powers work? Michael: I don't know. Isabel: Oh god, Max is down there. Michael: So is Maria. Liz: You guys-were those gunshot? What's going on? Isabel: We gotta get Valenti. [Back inside the UFO center, Brody points his gun at Max and pulls the trigger. It just clicks and Max and Tess flinch] Brody: You try to contact your alien friends again, you'll only make it worse for them. [He takes out the clip and puts a new one in and loads a bullet into the chamber. Maria's cell phone rings again] Amy: My god, he is crazy. [Cell phone ringing] Brody: [Answering the phone] What?! Valenti: Brody, that you? Brody: I don't know. It might be Larek. Valenti: Larek? OK, uh... [Michael and Isabel exchange a knowing look] Valenti: This is Jim Valenti. Brody: So? Valenti: I understand you're having a bit of a problem down there tonight. Brody: And you're going to solve it? Valenti: Well, I'm gonna try. Why don't you start by telling me what you're after? Brody: What I'm after? What do you mean, "What I'm after"? Valenti: Well, as I understand it, you're holding some people hostage. There's usually a reason, you know? List of demands? Brody: Demands?! [To others] Brody: He wants a list of demands. Sean: I could use a burger. Maria: [whispering] Sean. Brody: Yeah, yeah, right. We got a bunch of hungry people down here, and we want burgers all around. Sean: And fries. Brody: And fries. Valenti: Right, listen um-couldn't we at least talk about- Brody: No! No talking until we get our food. And when it's delivered, I don't want to see any cops. And no aliens either, I can tell. [He hangs up the phone. Valenti reluctantly hangs up his phone. Brody is talking while he is piling stuff up at the bottom of the stairs.] Brody: Nobody comes in, and nobody goes out. We'll all just stay here together. Like one big, happy family. [Labored breathing. He walks over to Tess and Max. Talking to Tess and taking an alien mannequin] Excuse me, love. Just need to borrow your cousin for a while. [He starts back towardthe pile but stops walking suddenly and turns back around. Gets a knowing look on his face] That's it! Max: What? Brody: Dimaras rock. I couldn't remember before but the name just came to me. Dimaras, after the third moon. That's where you two first met. You must remember? Dimaras rock, it it juts out over the water. Ah, I can see it so clearly. The moon hanging over the horizon, [Tess closes her eyes, remembering] And the color of the water...crimson red. I was there with you before you were king. [Max gives Brody an incredulous look] We were swimming, and you looked up, and saw her on a rock. You said she was the most beautiful girl you'd ever seen. [Max looks to Tess, who looks back]But of course you were too afraid to go talk to her. I offered to make the approach on your behalf, but you told me not to. [Max looks back to Brody]Back then you were always so nervous and quiet. [Brody chuckles] But lucky for you I was neither shy nor obedient. [Tess remembering] So I went and met her and introduced you two the same night... [Brody chuckles] Tess: [Quietly]...at a party. [Max looks at her, still looking dumbfounded. He then turns back to Brody] Max: That's a nice story. Brody: It's not a story. It's the truth. Don't you remember? [Tess looks at Max, he doesn't look at her. There is a hurt look on her face and tears in her eyes] Please, Zan, I have to know that what's in my head is real. Max: [Quietly] I'm sorry, Brody. But none of that is real. None of that happened. [Now Tess looks at him and is visibly more hurt] Brody: But you do love her. I know you do. I was there when you met! Max: You're wrong. We're not in love. We never have been. [Brody looks at Tess. She looks away from Max with tears in her eyes and a defeated look on her face. She looks to the floor. Next we see an eye, looking through a telescope at Deputy/Sheriff Hanson looking at the front of the UFO center. Eye again, then Hanson rattles the door of the UFO center. Camera pulls back to show Valenti, Isabel, Michael and Liz on Liz's roof] Valenti: Damn it, it's Hanson. (Hanson knocks hard on the glass of the front of the UFO center. Brody looks toward the door, then looks like he is trying to come up with a plan. Hanson's cell phone rings) Hanson: Hello? Valenti: Step away from the door. Hanson: Sheriff? Where are you? [Valenti waves from the roof. Hanson turns and sees him] Oh, there you are. I had Ralph look into the power outage. Turns out the surge that cause all this emanated from the UFO center here. Figured I check it out. Valenti: Turn your flashlight off and get up here. [Hangs up cell phone] Michael: This could be alien related, you shouldn't have invited him into this. Valenti: It's safer having him up here then goin' in there with his gun, stirring things up. The UFO center is an old fallout shelter. So it only has one set of doors and they automatically lock whenever the power goes out. Now I think there might be some people trapped in there. Hanson: You need any help? Valenti: Sure, sure, but, uh -- with traffic lights out all over town, I think you're going to have your hands full. Hanson: Right, traffic control. I should probably take care of that one first. Valenti: Good, good. Yeah I got this one covered I think. Hanson: Thank you, Sheriff. Uh, Jim. [He climbs down the fire escape] Valenti: [To Hanson] Watch yourself, now. [In the kitchen of the Crashdown. Burgers are on the grill] Isabel: You know, it'd faster if I just did it. Michael: Yeah, but they wouldn't taste as good. [He passes his hand over the burgers and they are done] Liz: What about the fries? [Michael uses his powers to heat the oil under the fries. Valenti's face appears on a small screen.] Valenti: I'll be able to see whatever you see. And I'll be -- Liz: --watching the whole time. [Valenti pins a small camera on her coat] Valenti: All I want you to do is deliver the food. Let me get a good look at the layout of the room, [He adjusts the camera] what's goin' on down there, who is positioned where. Both: And then I want you -- Liz: --To get right out, you told me. Valenti: Right. Liz: Sheriff-Sheriff I'm OK. I can do this. I wanna do this. Valenti: [sighs][Liz nods] Hey, how's the food comin'? Michael: Done! [He rings the bell] [Isabel brings the food to Liz] Isabel: OK [There is a knock at the door.] Brody: Ah, supper's here. I'll buzz her in. [Door Buzzes. Amy looks to Maria] Yeah, yeah, come down. I'll, uh, I'll move some of this stuff. Mind your head there. Here, I'll give you a hand. Liz: OK... Brody: So, what have we got here? Liz: Oh, we have got, uh, 6 burgers and 6 fries. Brody: Great, lovely, uh...now, great. [Counting money] Liz: Oh, oh no. It's it's on the house. Brody: Oh, no, no. I insist, please. And, uh, keep the change. I think I'm rich. Liz: So, um, is that it? Can can I get you something else? Brody: No, no that's fine. You can go. And thanks for the food. [Liz nods and looks around the room and heads for the door. Brody tastes a burger, a dissatisfied look on his face] Is there a new cook at the Crashdown? Liz: [Startled] Excuse me? Brody: These burgers, they taste different. Liz: [Maria realizes what happed] Oh, oh well see there's no power over there either so we had to use a little butane grill. Brody: So how did you cook the fries? [Now Max realizes that something is about to happen] Liz: The same way. Brody: No, no, you didn't. You used alien power to cook this food. You're one of them! Come on-get! Liz: No! Max: [Standing up] Brody, let her go. Larek! Brody: Get down! [He pushes Max to the floor. Sean trips Brody as he walks by. Brody drops his gun and Sean scrambles to get it first. Brody gets it first and points it at Sean. He stands between Liz and Brody] That was a stupid thing to do. Sean: She's not an alien. She's just an innocent girl. Leave her alone. [Cell phone ringing] Brody: [Shouting] What!? Valenti: Hey, I just wanted to make sure you got the food, and that everything was OK. Brody: OK? No, everything is pretty far from OK. [Brody continues yelling into the phone at Valenti, but it's indistinct.] Sean: [Quietly to Liz] Reach into my coat pocket. Liz: Why? Sean: Just do it. [Liz pulls out a knife] Brody: You talk to me about trust, then you send aliens in here. [Liz is cutting Sean's hands free] What do you think I am? An idiot? You'll be lucky if anyone comes out of here alive, ever! [Sean is free and is sneaking up on Brody with the knife. Brody hangs up the phone] Max: Sean, no! [There is a struggle; Sean and Brody fall on the floor. They wrestle and when Brody sits up, he looks shocked as he looks at the knife. There is blood on it; Sean is stabbed in the stomach. Everyone is clearly upset] Liz: [Screaming] Sean!! [Brody and Max look at each other. Clearly, Brody can't believe what happened. Scene fades out. Comes back in with Amy, Liz and Maria sitting on the floor beside Sean. Brody is throwing boxes around.] Amy: Oh, my god, Sean, are you OK? S Ean: Yeah. [Liz looks to Max, then she goes over to him] Liz: Max, heal him. Max: I can't. Liz: Why? It's your fault he got stabbed. Heal him! Max: I can't use my powers. [He motions toward the device] Brody activated that device. Brody's a good man. This isn't his fault. Sean might've killed him. Liz: But it's OK for Sean to get stabbed? Max: Of course not. [Liz is in disbelief. She goes back over to Sean and the others. Max looks hurt that she is implying that he doesn't care about Sean] Liz: [To Sean] Are you OK? [SCENE_BREAK] [She looks back to Max; he looks at her, almost in tears. Scene switches to Valenti looking at his computer screen] Valenti: I wish I could see that wound better. We gotta get in there. Hanson: [Coming up the fire escape] What's goin' on up here? Valenti: Nothin'. Hanson: You know, I was down on 3rd directing traffic when I started to think about it. Why did you call me on my cell phone to warn me off from the UFO center? Valenti: I told you, people are- Hanson: I know. People are down there. But there's gotta be more to it. Why do you have the department's laptop? We use that for surveillance. Valenti: Deputy- Hanson: I'm not the deputy anymore, remember? I'm the sheriff. Now tell me what's goin' on, Jim. Why'd you warn me off? Are the people stuck down there being held against their will? Valenti: Okay, now. Don't jump to conclusions. There's no reason to believe that this -- Hanson: -- is a hostage situation? Valenti: Hanson. Even if it is a hostage situation, what are you goin' to do? You goin' to march in there with guns blazin'. Goin' to risk killin' innocent people? Come on! Hanson: I gotta do something. Valenti: Hanson...Hanson! [UFO center] Tess: You're still in love with her, aren't you? Max: It's hard to describe what I feel for Liz. Tess: I know. It's what you and I used to have. Max: Tess... Tess: You know, everything Brody said is true. I know it is. Sean: Hey Liz: Hey Sean: When this is all over do you wanna grab dinner? Maria: How can you be wounded and on the make at the same time? Liz: Are you serious? Sean: [Motioning at his stomach] I'm bleedin' here. Doesn't get much more serious than that. Liz: Yeah, let me think about it. Maria: Hey, aren't you involved with someone? [She motions toward Max] Max: I have to do something before more people get hurt. Tess: Way to change the subject. Max: I'm gonna talk to Brody. Tess: And what are you gonna tell him? Max: The truth. [Fades out, fades in on Valenti watching the computer screen. Kyle comes through Liz's bedroom window] Kyle: Dad! Dad! Valenti: Kyle! What are you doin' here? Kyle: I heard over the scanner that the cops are getting' ready to storm the UFO center. They called sharpshooters in from the state police. Valenti: Damn it. Those guys will shoot anything that moves. Kyle: What's goin' on down there? Valenti: Hey, I think we're about to find out. [They all watch the screen. Shot scans the wall. Valenti points to a box on the wall] I thought Brody got rid of that thing. Michael: What is that? Valenti: You see that panel? That controls the fallout shelter's lockdown mechanism. Isabel: You think it still works? Valenti: I don't know. If it does, it could be a way to keep the cavalry out long enough to end this thing without anybody getting' killed. Michael: Well, great. How do we get to it? Valenti: It's too risky to try to get inside. There might me a way to activate it from the outside. Kyle! You think you can get me the blueprints for that place? Kyle: Where am I supposed to get those? Valenti: Library, third floor, in the back. Kyle: The library's closed. Valenti: Kick the window in! Go! [Kyle crawls back through Liz's window. As they watch the computer screen, they see Max stand up and approach Brody. Liz points the camera at them both] Max: Everything you've been saying tonight is true. I am an alien. I'm the king of another planet. Tess is my wife. Brody: So these memories I have are real? Amy: [To Maria, Liz and Sean] Reverse psychology, it's the oldest trick in the book. Max: Yes, all of them. Brody: But if I'm Larek, an alien, and you're Zan, also an alien, w-what are we doing here? Max: Surviving. Biding our time until we return. Brody: So we're going back to our home planet, someday? Max: Yes. You, Me, Tess. Brody: And the others? Max: All of us. Brody: It's incredible. Max: Now I think it's time you put down the gun. Brody: Yeah. Yeah. [Suddenly, Brody spots Liz trying to point the camera in his direction] What's that? What have- What's that?! She's wearing a camera! I'm going to kill you! [Fades out with Brody pointing the camera at Liz. Fades in with Brody holding on to Liz, still pointing the gun at her] Max: You want to shoot someone, shoot me. This is my fault. [Brody sticks the gun in his chest] Brody: Don't tempt me. [Sirens approaching] Cops. Get in the office! All of you! Go! Move now! Go! Get in there! Strait! Move! Hanson: I want sharpshooters on both sides of the exit. And bring in the battering ram. [A helicopter hovers overhead, lighting the scene. Michael taps the computer's keyboard] Michael: I can't get the video feedback. They gotta be in trouble. Isabel: [Sighs] They're gonna be in even more trouble if the cops get in there and start shooting the place up. Sean: This is bad. Maria: This is really bad. They always put you in the back room before they shoot you. Amy: No. Stop it. We're gonna be fine. We are all gonna get out of here, I promise. Max: Look at this. [He goes to the VR assembly. He picks up the helmet] It looks like it short-circuited or or overloaded or something. Liz: If Brody was wearing this when it short-circuited- Max: A powerful jolt of electricity might have been sent right to his brain. Tess: That must be how he's accessing Larek's memories. Maria: Ahem, alien 101 for the rest of us not in the know. Max: Humans only use a small percentage of their brains at any given time. Aliens, when they use humans as vessels, tap into this unutilized portion. The shock may have somehow given Brody access to a part of his brain only Larek uses. Tess: And all of Larek's memories. Liz: So if this was caused by some sort of injury... Max: That means I can heal him. Tess: But you can't. The pentagon. Max: We've gotta get him to turn it off. Maria: I'm gonna go talk to him. [Back on the roof, Kyle comes through the window] Kyle: I've got 'em. [Sirens and the Helicopter are heard. Tires squeal] Valenti: I was right. There's another control panel in the back alleyway. Michael: Ok, that's no problem. I can get back there. Isabel: WE can get back there. Valenti: It's gonna be pretty dangerous. Michael: We can take care of ourselves. Valenti: All right, look. Inside the control panel, there's a lever that activates a set of steel doors. But it hasn't been activated in years. Isabel: We'll activate it. Valenti: All right. Be quick about it. We're runnin' outta time. Hanson: Let's move that thing in there. Let's go! Move it! [Michael and Isabel casually, but quickly, walk through all the activity. People chatter indistinctly] Maria: [Talking to Brody alone] I deliver lunch to you almost every day. Brody: I bet I enjoy that. Maria: You do. I do, too. Brody: [sighs] There's just so much in my head right now. I can't figure out who I am anymore. Maria: You're Brody Davis. You're smart, you're funny, you're sensitive and you'd actually make a damn good boyfriend for someone. Brody: I sound pretty good. Maria: You are. Really, you are. Your daughter is so lucky to have you as a father. Brody: I'm a father? Maria: You don't remember? Brody: It's like my whole life has been stolen from me. Maria: Her name is Sydney. I know you keep a picture of her in here somewhere. [She stands to find the picture. It is tacked on a bulletin board.] Here. This is her. Brody: [Starting to cry] I don't remember her. [Sobbing] [Michael and Isabel are in the alleyway trying to activate the fallout doors. Finding the lever] Michael: That's simple. [He throws it and nothing happens] Damn it. Isabel: We gotta get this thing working fast. [Footsteps approaching] [Sean is trying to pick the lock] Amy: Oh, he's gonna kill her. Oh, my god, my baby! He's gonna kill her. We need to get outta here now! Max: I don't think that he's -- Amy: Oh! I have had enough out of you for one day, Max Evans. OK. My nephew is gonna get us out of here so I can save my precious daughter. And what is taking you so long? Are you a criminal or not? Sean: I'm trying! Hanson: We gotta break that door down! Brody: Police are coming. Maria: No, no, no. Don't worry about that. We have to focus here. Can you do that for me? You have to trust me, OK? I can get you your daughter back, Brody, but you have to deactivate that pentagon thing, all right? And let Max heal you. [Outside, Hanson and the boys are using a battering ram on the door] Hanson: Go, boys! [They break the glass in the door. In the alley, Michael uses his powers on a wheel that manually controls the doors. The gears of the door grind badly. Right before the police can get through, the doors close.] Solid steel. [Hanson then notices a bullet hole in the 'Refuge' sign.] We gotta get in there. Sean: [Thinking he got the door open, but Brody is coming in] Still got the touch. Amy: Yes! Brody: No, you don't. [Taking Max] Come with me. Move! Amy: Where's Maria? Where's-Hey. Hey! [The police now have a blowtorch and are working on the doors.] Maria: Brody, please. Turn it off. Trust me. [Brody turns the pentagon off] Max: Please. Brody: OK. [He turns the pentagon off] Do it. [Max places his hand on Brody's temple. Max gets flashes of a star system, events from Brody's life, and he and Tess kissing. He then falls backward. Brody, looking at the gun] Wha-What's this? Max: You were abducted. [He takes the gun from Brody] But now you're back. Brody: Uh, why are the lights off? Max: We don't have a lot of time. Come on, let's go. Amy: Oh!! [Seeing Maria, she hugs her around the neck from behind] Brody: Hi! Max: Everything's fine. This is all just a big misunderstanding. Nothing happened down here today. Sean: My ass, this guy needs to be put away. Liz: Sean... Amy: Are you OK? Maria: Yes, I'm Ok. Amy: Oh, I'm so glad. Maria: Listen, mom. We can't let Brody go to jail. Amy: Excuse me? Maria: Ok, look, listen. He is a single parent, just like you. This is-This is his daughter. She's cute as a button, intelligent as ever, and now imagine how devastated she would be if Brody went to jail, mom. Think about that for, like, two seconds. Amy: Ok. I thought about it, and that man is a danger to his family, his neighbors, his whole community. And I am not gonna be part of a cover-up. Un-uh. [Shaking her head] Sean: [to Liz] Give me one reason why I wouldn't tell the cops. Liz: Because I'll go out with you. Sean: Ok, so, I fell down the stairs. Liz: [Taking a George W. is an alien T-Shirt] Here, put this on. [He holds it up. Liz chuckles. The cops are still trying to get through the door.] Hanson: He's through! Get in position! [Max puts the gun back in the file cabinet] Amy: Un-uh. I refuse to lie about what happened down here tonight. [Tess uses her mind warp on Amy. She looks around for a second] Do you think they're ever gonna get this power back on? I've got other T-shirt deliveries to make. Tess:[To Max] Don't worry. She won't remember any of it. [The cops break through the door. There is a lot of cop talk and chattering] Amy: Oh! Deputy Hanson, thank god! Sean: I thought we were gonna be trapped in here for days. Hanson: Trapped? What about those bullet holes and that pile of stuff blocking the steps? Max: We were just doing some remodeling. Brody: We are? Wow! Place is a mess. Amy: Oh, Jim! Hi! Valenti: Hi. So, you got everything under control here, Hanson? BRODY: [finding the CD] Where did this come - [Max grabs it out of his hand] Max: Michael, I downloaded that band off Napster for you. Amy: (Walking to Valenti) Ahh. Brody: Who wants a cup of tea? Sean: [Hanson is eyeballing his shirt] I can get you one. [Next day, outside the Crashdown] Maria: Hi. Brody: Hi. Maria: Sorry to bother you. I only have, like, a minute break but I just wanted to give this back to you. [She hands him Sidney's picture] Brody: Oh, did I lend this to you? Maria: Sort of. Brody: Sorry, I've been feeling a bit out of sorts. More missing time. Maria: Yeah, I kinda had that figured. Brody: Yeah, but this time, I kinda have vague memories. Like a dream I can't quite remember. The details are hazy, but...I remember how it felt. Maria: Really? How did it feel? Brody: [hesitating] No, it'd just sound weird. Maria: Heh! What? Brody: Well, I felt kind of like I do now. Like, you were somehow there helping me. I wish I knew where they took me. Maria: Well, wherever you went, Brody, I'm glad that you're back. [That night, Max comes in through Tess's bedroom window.] Tess: Max? Max, what is it? Max: Well, when I healed Brody...I saw these -- these flashes, of Brody, of Larek, but also... Tess: but also what? Max: I remember you. [She cries and Max wipes the tear off her cheek]

Brody Davis, his mind frazzled from an electric shock, holds several members of the gang hostage, when he begins to remember what happened when he was abducted, such as the New York City interstellar summit and the fact that Max is an alien. Max must use his healing abilities to fix Brody's mind so that he doesn't remember the alien mind that inhabits him. Tess must mindwarp Amy DeLuca into not remembering that Brody held them hostage.

fd_The_Originals_01x20

fd_The_Originals_01x20_0

ST. ANN'S CHURCH (Dream Sequence) [The citizens of the French Quarter all prepare themselves for Father Kieran's funeral service. A long line of community members and family, including Cami, Francesca, Genevieve, and Marcel, make their way to Father Kieran's open casket to pay their respects. Klaus arrives late, and by the time he reaches the casket, everyone else at the service is already seated in the pews. He greets Cami and gives her a kiss on the cheek before going to give his respects to Father Kieran. However, when he opens the casket, Father Kieran is gone, and in his place is a baby. The baby coos at him, and he smiles] KLAUS: Hi. [Klaus reaches down to pick the baby up, but before he can, a squishing noise is heard, and blood pours from Klaus' mouth. He's been staked from behind with the indestructible white oak stake. When Klaus turns around, Mikael is standing there, grinning. He grabs Klaus in a chokehold] MIKAEL: [sneers] Greetings, boy. [Klaus awakens with a start in his bedroom in the Abattoir compound. After gasping for a few moments, he lies back down in bed] OPENING CREDITS & TITLE CARD PARK [Genevieve, Monique, Davina, and Abigail walk through a park as Genevieve continues to lecture the girls on magic and the supernatural] GENEVIEVE: New Orleans is full of ghosts. Our dead are always here, hovering. When supernatural creatures die, they're doomed to spend eternity alone, watching the world go on without them. Of course, that's not the case with the ancestral witches. We linger in a different way: consecrated in the earth, replenishing its power. DAVINA: ...What about humans? GENEVIEVE: [hesitates] Some find peace. Some...don't. [beat] I have to make an appearance at the priest's wake. You three head back to the Le Sais, take some time to think about those spirits who might still be walking alongside you. [Davina and Abigail take their leave, but Monique follows Genevieve as she walks to the funeral service] MONIQUE: I don't know why we're supposed to care about Kieran O'Connell. GENEVIEVE: We care, because when a pillar of our community passes, Monique, you call a cease-fire and pay your respects. MONIQUE: Or, you just want to see Klaus. You two are getting cozy. GENEVIEVE: I need the Mikaelsons to trust me so I can get close enough-- MONIQUE: --To kill their baby? GENEVIEVE: [frustrated and annoyed] To fullfill my obligation to our ancestors. Go home, Monique. [Genevieve walks away. Monique frowns as she watches her leave] ROUSSEAU'S--Father Kieran's Wake [At Rousseau's, the Quarter is throwing an Irish-style wake in his honor, complete with Irish music, lots of alcohol, and tons of people who have gathered to share stories of Father Kieran and celebrate his life. Klaus sits alone at a table with a glass of scotch, and is joined by Cami] CAMI: Hey! Earth to you! KLAUS: [notices the wounds on her face] Your face-- CAMI: --Will heal. Listen, I wanted to thank you-- KLAUS: [holds up glass] --Unless you've come equipped with the means to fill this, no additional platitudes are necessary. CAMI: Okay... I'm in a crap mood because my uncle just died, and people are partying like it's Mardi Gras. What's your excuse? [notices Klaus scowling] Klaus, seriously, what's going on? KLAUS: I've been having these dreams about my dead father. No diagnosis necessary, love. I've already got this one covered: my fears of fatherhood, of scarring my child as my father scarred me, are manifesting as nightmares. [smiles fakely and takes a long drink] It's horrifically cliche. CAMI: Truthfully? I'm just surprised to hear you acknowledge out loud that you're going to be a dad. Your baby mama has been living out in the bayou for months, it's not exactly What To Expect When You're Expecting. [Marcel enters the bar, which Klaus notices as he listens to Cami speak] KLAUS: [to Cami] I know more about the trials of fatherhood than you might imagine, Camille. CAMI: [sees Marcel walk up to the bar] And it worked out for you so well the first time, why change a thing? [leaves table] [Klaus catches Marcel's eye across the restaurant, which triggers a memory/flashback] FLASHBACK: 1830s New Orleans [Klaus enters the Governor's home for a meeting, with young Marcel in tow behind him] GOVERNOR: Well, I see you've come to return some stolen property. KLAUS: On the contrary, I've decided the boy shall remain with me. GOVERNOR: Unfortunately, he's not for sale. KLAUS: [walks closer to the Governor] Well, I do not wish to buy him. You will grant him his freedom. GOVERNOR: And if I say no? [Klaus simply raises his eyebrows and grabs the Governor in a choke-hold] KLAUS: You seem to have misinterpreted the matter as up for debate. [Klaus squeezes his throat until the Governor gives up] GOVERNOR: Fine! Take him! [Klaus lets go and backs away to join Marcel on the other side of the room before turning to leave] GOVERNOR: He wasn't worth a damn to me anyway! [Outside, Marcel and Klaus talk about what just occurred] KLAUS: They tell me he is your father. Is it true? [Marcel nods] KLAUS: [walks toward him] You know, my father hated me, too. The truth is, Marcellus, family can be more than just those with whom we share blood. We can choose. [Young Marcel is so touched by Klaus' words, he begins to tear up] PRESENT DAY--Rousseau's [Klaus continues to sulk and drink at his table as he glances over at Marcel. Marcel sees the photos of Father Kieran, Sean, and Cami by the bar, and grabs a bottle of scotch to make a toast to the entire party] MARCEL: I know I haven't been around these parts lately. It's a testament to Father Kieran that we could come together and share a drink, and a story or two. Kieran rolled into town on a rusty old cruiser after his daddy died twenty-five years ago. And damnit, that guy could party! [he and the audience laughs] That was, of course, before he took his vows. But, even then, he was committed to the Quarter. He knew that this town needed him. And, we still do. [he raises his glass] To Father K! AUDIENCE: [murmurs] To Father K. [The party drinks in his honor and goes back to their festivities. Cami becomes overwhelmed by the atmosphere and rushes into the back room to cry and be alone, only to find Francesca there as well] FRANCESCA: [holding a drink] Looks like we had the same idea. It's Cami, right? I've been informed that Kieran's necklace is missing. The key that he always wore? I assume he left it for me. CAMI: [stunned] Excuse me? FRANCESCA: [smiles embarrassedly] How rude of me. I'm Francesca Correa, I took over your uncle's position of Faction representative when his...mental faculties were compromised. CAMI: His faculties weren't compromised, he was hexed. FRANCESCA: Hexed by one of our enemies! Look, I'm invested in protecting the people of this city, and to do that, I need the key. CAMI: [angry] It must have fallen off, during the events that led to his untimely death. I am so sorry. [Cami storms away. As she pushes her way through the party, she passes by Hayley, who notices that she's upset. Hayley watches as Francesca exits the back room and approaches the bar] [Across the room, Klaus and Elijah sit and drink at the table] KLAUS: Seems rather uncivilized, to laugh and dance around the body of a loved one. ELIJAH: [pours himself a drink] Yes, far better to practice your process of grief, Niklaus--denial, rage, and hoarding coffins in basements. [Hayley joins them at the table and sits down between the two brothers] ELIJAH: I will warn you, Hayley, Niklaus is in a spectacularly foul mood today. KLAUS: [drunk] Sod off. HAYLEY: [to Klaus] What's the deal with these moonlight rings? Oliver's trying to set a revolution every five seconds, people are scared, angry, and frankly, I'm tired of stalling. KLAUS: It's a day of peace, Hayley. Try and enjoy it. And, in the meantime, with all manner of unknown enemies conspiring against our family, you'll move back in with us. HAYLEY: [sarcastic] Awesome! Then, we can do that thing where you lock me in the tower, I escape, there's drama, and then you two both realize I'm very capable of looking after myself. KLAUS: [frustrated] The rings are in progress. I will live up to my word. We will find and punish whoever launched the attack on the bayou, and you will return to the compound for your own safety! [Hayley sighs and rolls her eyes] But, right now, [he grabs his bottle of scotch] I'm gonna finish this bottle, [opens bottle] and the next, in the hopes of drowning the demon who has chosen today to haunt me. [looks up at the ceiling] Cheers, Mikael. Impeccable, Freudian timing. [chugs straight from the bottle] ELIJAH: [stunned] Elaborate. [Hayley looks at Elijah and Klaus in concern] ELIJAH: Have you dreamt of our father? KLAUS: Go ahead, have a good laugh. ELIJAH: I can assure you there is no piece of this that I find even remotely amusing, Niklaus. Especially considering I've been dreaming of him, too. KLAUS: What? ELIJAH: [brainstorming] If you are also seeing him...[He stops mid-thought when he notices Genevieve enter Rousseau's. She catches his eye, and smiles] Perhaps our elusive, unknown enemy is orchestrating a further attack? KLAUS: [stares at Genevieve] Well, then. What better way to punctuate a day of peace than by killing someone? [smiles and waves at her] JARDIN GRIS VOODOO SHOP [Genevieve wanders into the Jardin Gris, closing the door behind her. She senses someone's presence, and is startled when Klaus appears behind her] GENEVIEVE: [smiles weakly] You disappeared from the party. ELIJAH: [enters the room, examining an athame] Do you care to explain why you would choose to torment us with visions of our father? GENEVIEVE: [genuinely surprised] Your father? I didn't. I wouldn't! ELIJAH: Of course, how foolish of me. It must have been that other witch that's been parading through our house in scraps of lace. KLAUS: I know how talented you are with your tongue, Genevieve. Might I recommend you use it to provide answers? I would so hate to tear it from your mouth. GENEVIEVE: [laughs nervously] As much as I enjoy these repeated accusations of wrongdoings, I don't know what you're talking about. But, if you've both been seeing your dead father, I can try to get you answers. KLAUS: [strokes Genevieves neck menacingly] Fine. Go. ELIJAH: Niklaus, don't you dare let her-- KLAUS: Go! [Genevieve quickly runs out the door] KLAUS: [walks toward Elijah] You don't trust her, and you're right not to. Only a fool would. But, she certainly wants us to, doesn't she? ELIJAH: Let me guess, there's something of benefit for you in all of this, isn't there? KLAUS: I need a witch to make those rings for the wolves. Perhaps we'll get both answers and cooperation? COVEN HOUSE [Monique, Davina, and Abigail are setting out the ingredients for a spell in the greenhouse] ABIGAIL: I don't know if the ancestors would like us messing around in the spirit world. DAVINA: [smiles] It's just a simple se nce. MONIQUE: [grabs herbs from a shelf] Phony witches do se nces to impress tourists. They're not real! [leaves the room with her herbs] [Davina sets Tim's violin in the middle of a circle she's drawn in chalk on the table, and has scattered salt and herbs in various quadrants around it] ABIGAIL: What's that for? DAVINA: It's my friend Tim's. Come on! What's the point of being a witch if we can't use our magic for stuff like this? [Abigail smiles and nods in agreement, and she and Davina clutch each other's hands in order to share their magic for the spell] ABIGAIL & DAVINA: Elikopte fantomes soliter mouri, vous reveler... [Wind starts to blow around them. Davina cuts her palm with an athame and drips the blood on Tim's violin. All of a sudden, the candles blow out, which scares the girls] DAVINA: Tim? [The song Tim played for Davina on his violin starts to play around them, and the windchime near the window starts to play it as well. A hand wearing a lapis lazuli daylight ring caresses her shoulder from behind. Davina turns to find the hand belonged to Mikael] MIKAEL: What a delightful tune. [Mikael disappears, and all the windows in the greenhouse shatter violently, and broken glass rains down upon the girls, who scream in terror] ROUSSEAU'S [Cami sits down on a chair and props her feet on Father Kieran's casket as she hangs out with Marcel] CAMI: So, Klaus gives you twenty-four hours in the Quarter, and you're spending it coffin-sitting with me? [Marcel hands her a drink] No preparations for war, no chess pieces to move? MARCEL: [joins her with his own drink] We're honoring Kieran. Even us bad guys can take the night off. CAMI: [rests her feet on Marcel's lap once he sits down] Maybe you can. Not all the humans are on their best behavior. This Francesca person cornered me earlier, asking for some key. MARCEL: [drinks his scotch] What did you tell her? CAMI: Doesn't matter, I don't have it. [realizes Marcel knows more than he's letting on] Which you know! Or you would have asked what key. [Marcel sighs, and reaches under his shirt, where he is wearing the key around his neck] MARCEL: Had Josh lift it for me. CAMI: [angry] Off my uncle's sick and dying body? MARCEL: I'm trying to do you a favor. Trust me, you don't want to be part of any of this. CAMI: [stands up] Trust you? Are you kidding me? MARCEL: Cami, this is bigger than you. CAMI: Don't patronize me, Marcel! Do you know what's bigger than me? My uncle lost his mind, beat the crap out of me, and then died. And now, I have to sit by his body all night-- MARCEL: I'll sit with you. I'm not trying to lie to you, I'm trying to protect you. CAMI: You need to leave. Like now. MARCEL: I will tell you about the key-- CAMI: I don't want to know! I don't want to know any of it! [Marcel looks disappointed as he grabs his coat and leaves. Once he's gone, Cami starts to cry] THE ABATTOIR COMPOUND [Elijah is standing on the balcony when Genevieve approaches him from behind] ELIJAH: Genevieve. GENEVIEVE: I asked around. It's not just your father. The purgatory where supernatural souls are trapped is disintegrating. ELIJAH: What do you mean, "disintegrating?" KLAUS: [enters the room] She's right... more or less. It's actually imploding. A made a call to a rather reluctant Bennett witch in Mystic Falls who said the same thing. The dead are being torn away into nothingness. And, they're not interested in going quietly. ELIJAH: So, you're saying that our father, faced with permanent extinction, has decided to spend his remaining tormenting us? How delightful! KLAUS: Well, on the plus side, we'll soon be rid of his abhorrent soul forever. And what a good riddance that will be! GENEVIEVE: [sighs] So, am I in the clear, Elijah? Or is there a new conspiracy you two would like to threaten me over? ELIJAH: Nothing springs to mind at this precise moment... GENEVIEVE: Oh, gee. Thanks. [stops in front of Klaus before she leaves] I have to get back to the girls. Perhaps tomorrow, after the funeral, you and I could spend some time together. Alone? KLAUS: I suppose we'll have to see. [Genevieve sighs in annoyance and leaves] ELIJAH: Please tell me you've designed a stronger method to control the witch than playing hard-to-get? KLAUS: Well, I've always been partial to the classics... FRANCESCA CORREA'S HOUSE [Hayley sits on Francesca's front porch, waiting until Francesca and her bodyguard return home. When Francesca notices her, she groans, and tries to be polite] FRANCESCA: Ah. Hayley, right? I'm guessing you're not here because you want to make a new friend? HAYLEY: I don't count terrorists as friends. [stands up to face her] FRANCESCA: [chuckles, and turns to her bodyguard] Wow. I've been accused of everything from grand larceny to blackmail, but "terrorist," that's new! HAYLEY: A human pulled up to our home in the bayou on a motorcycle and blew himself up. FRANCESCA: I heard. [grabs her keys and walks to the front door] Awful. Goodnight! [Hayley, annoyed, headbutts her bodyguard before slamming his head into a birdbath and knocking him out. Francesca stares in shock for a moment before smiling fakely at her] HAYLEY: Word on the street is, he owed a hundred grand to the Palace Royale casino! And then, after he died, the debt was erased. Just like magic. FRANCESCA: Jeff was a fixture at my roulette table. Sometimes he was up, sometimes he was down. I absolved his family of the debt he owed out of the goodness of my heart. [Hayley glares at her skeptically, and Francesca shrugs] Feel free to sniff around. My hands are clean! [beat] And, I'd advise you to mind your manners. It's lucky you're still alive. You're the one the wolves all whisper about like royalty. If I was interested in hurting the wolves, you'd be my target. [smiles] And, when I go after someone? I don't miss. [Hayley rolls her eyes and walks out Francesca's front gate. As she walks down the sidewalk, Monique pops out of the shadows and follows her, holding a poppet that is meant to represent Hayley] MONIQUE: [whispers] Purger l'interieur, entiendre la lumiere, [stabs the poppet with a pin] dans cette f-. [Hayley senses something weird, but can't identify what it is, so she simply wraps her coat around her tightly and continues walking home, not noticing Monique behind her] THE FRENCH QUARTER--Father Kieran's funeral procession [Hundreds of community members gather in the streets of the French Quarter after the funeral, as Father Kieran's casket is placed in a horse carriage to begin the parade in his honor. Inside St. Anne's Church, Cami is lighting a candle for her uncle at the sacristy when Marcel approaches her] MARCEL: Your reading was beautiful. CAMI: Sneak attack? Not fair. I'm still pissed. [Marcel has no words, and just smiles at her] CAMI: Tell me about the key. MARCEL: I thought you said you didn't want to know. CAMI: I'd like to say I slept on it, but I didn't sleep. I stayed awake all night next to the body of a hexed priest, only to attend a funeral filled with vampires. So, I'm thinking...you should tell me about the key. MARCEL: [glances around to make sure no one is listening] Kieran told me that the key leads to something that can be used against the supernaturals if we get...too far out of line. Kieran and I had our ups and downs, but we trusted each other. So, I let it be, because I knew if he had to use whatever Pandora's box that key opens, it'd be because he didn't have a choice. CAMI: [turns to face him] You could have just asked me for it. MARCEL: Would you have just handed it over? CAMI: [crosses her arms angrily] So, what does it open? MARCEL: I don't know! I turned this city upside-down last night trying to find it. The church, the rectory, I even searched your family's tomb! It's hard to find a needle in a haystack when you don't even know what the needle looks like. CAMI: And you want to know if I have any ideas. That's why you're here! MARCEL: [sighs, and reaches behind her to light his own candle] I'm here because my friend died, and my other friend is grieving. You can question my intentions all day long, Cami. I'm here for Kieran, and I'm here for you. [Outside, the funeral procession is walking down the street to the sounds of the jazz music being played, behind the priests acting as pallbearers for Father Kieran. Near the end of the parade is Klaus, Elijah, and Hayley, the latter of whom is flushed, and keeps having coughing fits] ELIJAH: You alright? You look-- HAYLEY: --A hundred months pregnant and pissed off at the world? ELIJAH: [smiles] I was going to say you look lovely. [Hayley notices Francesca a couple yards in front of them, who is pretending to wipe tears from her face with a tissue] HAYLEY: Do you think I was the target of those bombings? KLAUS: Of course you were the target! Were I to wage a war on the wolves, you'd be my first kill! I would string you up, for all your worshippers to see. [Hayley glares at him] ELIJAH: I believe that was my brother's way of telling you he'd like you to return home with us. [to Klaus] Perhaps try a different approach, Niklaus, with fewer references to murder? KLAUS: As much as I would hate to throw you over my shoulder, and drag you kicking and screaming to the compound, we both know I will, [smiles] for the sake of my child. HAYLEY: One bad dream, and suddenly, you want to be a responsible daddy! [Klaus wraps his arm around Hayley and pulls her close, leaving Elijah standing awkwardly beside them] KLAUS: [whispers] Let me put this into perspective: my father lived to torment me. It is not my intention to become him. This cycle of misery ends with my child. HAYLEY: Mmm. [yanks his arm away from her with a fake smile] You forgot one thing in your little attempt to plead your case-- she's not your child. She's ours. [Hayley walks away from the brothers and starts walking down the sidewalk] ELIJAH: Very heartfelt, Niklaus. KLAUS: I bloody hate funerals. [Hayley sees Cami walking near the front of the procession, and runs to catch up with her] HAYLEY: Cami! CAMI: Hayley, hi. HAYLEY: Hi, I know you don't know me, I just wanted to say that--[she coughs and clears her throat] I'm sorry about your uncle. He was really...good to people like me during the storm, and I really appreciated that. CAMI: Thank you. [she realizes why Hayley is here] You want something, do you? HAYLEY: [smiles awkwardly] I'm sorry about the timing...I was just wondering, if before he died, he said anything weird about Francesca Correa? I think that she may have been involved in an attack in the bayou. If you hear anything-- CAMI: Look, Hayley? I'm trying--mostly failing--to stay out of all this stuff, but...she's a real bitch, so, yeah, if I hear anything, I'll let you know. HAYLEY: Thanks. And again, sorry about your uncle. CAMI: You, too. [As Hayley walks away, she starts to cough, and looks woozy. She leans against a lightpost as she begins to cough up blood. Horrified, she continues to cough, and Genevieve, who has just noticed Hayley's condition, shouts for Klaus to come help her. As Klaus and Elijah rush to help her, she collapses on the sidewalk] [SCENE_BREAK] THE ABATTOIR COMPOUND [Klaus and Elijah carry Hayley into the compound and lay her on a table. Genevieve is with them, in hopes of helping] GENEVIEVE: I can help-- ELIJAH: [pushes her away from the table] Don't you touch her! KLAUS: Let it be, Elijah. She was a nurse. GENEVIEVE: There's a spell I can do. Klaus, get chamomile from the pantry. [she looks at Hayley, who is barely conscious] She's trembling. Your jacket, Elijah. ELIJAH: [removes his jacket and lays it over Hayley] She's not breathing, I can hear the baby's heartbeat, but not hers. [Genevieve checks Hayley's pulse, and the scene suddenly changes to the blue-hue that indicates someone is on the Other Side. Hayley awakens on the table, but the room is completely empty, except for one other person--Mikael. He walks toward her, and Hayley automatically backs away from him] HAYLEY: Who are you? MIKAEL: [smirks] I suppose I'm family. LAFAYETTE CEMETERY--Kieran's burial [A priest gives a homily at the O'Connell family tomb, as Cami and the rest of the community gathers around him, and a caretaker lays the bricks in front of Father Kieran's body] PRIEST: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God. He was with God in the beginning. In Him was Life, and that Life was the Light of all Mankind. The Light shines in the Darkness, and the Darkness has not overcome it. [Cami becomes overwhelmed and leaves to take a walk. Marcel notices she's upset, and follows her to Sean's grave] MARCEL: Cami. CAMI: Sean didn't have a funeral. Our parents wanted nothing to do with him, so the city had him buried out here with the criminals and the John Does. The great unloved. [beat] You said you checked my family's tomb, but I've been thinking--all this time, I've wondered why Kieran didn't have Sean interred where he belonged, with the family. But then, I realized...what if he saw an opportunity to hide something he didn't want anyone else to find? MARCEL: Cami, we can do this another time... CAMI: Bad timing is the theme of the day. [Cami looks at Sean's grave, and his headstone has the same Bible quote the priest had just referenced: "Light shines in the Darkness, and the Darkness has not overcome it - John 1:5"] CAMI: [sighs] I'm going to need a sledgehammer. THE ABATTOIR COMPOUND/THE OTHER SIDE [Genevieve presses damp bundle of chamomile against Hayley's forehead and chants a spell in French/Creole] GENEVIEVE: Coeur la sais patri avec mwen. Coeur la sais patri avec mwen. [Klaus, frustrated and scared, bites into his wrist and dribbles in into Hayley's mouth in hopes that it will heal her] KLAUS: Come on! [he looks at Elijah in fear] ELIJAH: She's still not breathing. It's not working! [He angrily throws a table against the brick wall, shattering it into pieces] [On the Other Side, Hayley is scared, and backing away from Mikael as he approaches her] MIKAEL: I assume my reputation precedes me. HAYLEY: This is a nightmare. I'm dreaming. MIKAEL: On the contrary, my darling-- this is very real. [He vamp-speeds over to Hayley and puts her in a headlock, and Hayley gasps in fright] MIKAEL: Welcome to my hell, stuck in an eternity of watching over that hideous creature my children call brother! HAYLEY: [terrified] You're dead! How can I be here? [realizes where she is] Oh my god! NO! [thrashes around in his hold] Noo! The baby! MIKAEL: The baby? [Hayley screams again] That kid never had a chance! And as if your bloodline isn't filth enough, you poison it by merging it with Klaus'? [laughs manically] The deathless vermin, fancying himself a daddy? [Hayley's eyes turn lupine-gold, and she shrieks as she pushes herself out of his grip and breaks his arm by twisting it behind his back. Then, she picks up a coat rack and swings it at his head with all the force she can muster] HAYLEY: She's not dead! I'm not dead! If I was dead, you wouldn't be trying to kill me! [In the present, Elijah is pacing at Hayley's bedside as Genevieve continues to work her spell] GENEVIEVE: Couer la sais patri avec mwen. ELIJAH: [moves to pick up Hayley] I'm taking her to a real doctor. GENEVIEVE: If you move her from here, my spell will break. There won't be enough time to get her to a hospital. KLAUS: [frantic] Will the baby survive if delivered now? [lunges for Hayley's body] I'll rip it out of her myself! [Elijah blocks Klaus from touching Hayley] GENEVIEVE: Hayley will bleed to death! KLAUS: I won't lose that baby. ELIJAH: I won't lose either of them. GENEVIEVE: [mutters] Patri avec mwen. Coeur la sais patri avec mwen. [Genevieve gets a vision of Monique using the poppet to cast the spell on Hayley, and is stunned] GENEVIEVE: I know what to do. Get my bag, the gris-gris pouch! Now! [Hayley continues to lay still on the table, as Genevieve dabs a wet cloth on her head] [On the Other Side, Hayley and Mikael are still facing off] HAYLEY: You're dead, Mikael. Your son already beat you! MIKAEL: HE is NOT MY SON! He's a scourge, a walking symbol of weakness! [In the present, Genevieve spreads salt around Hayley on the table as she continues to get visions of Monique doing the original spell] [On the Other Side, Hayley kicks at the bannister to the staircase to break off a piece of wood to use as a stake, and makes her way up the stairs as Mikael continues to stalk her menacingly] MIKAEL: There is no saving that atrocity festering in your womb. Klaus will destroy it, one way or another. Better he dies now, and you along with it! [Mikael jumps up onto the second floor balcony, startling Hayley] [In the present, Genevieve crushes herbs with her fingers and spreads them over Hayley's body] [Hayley jumps down onto the first floor, so Mikael jumps down to follow her. She spins around rapidly and rushes behind him, stabbing him in the heart with the stake from behind] MIKAEL: Ahhhhhh! HAYLEY: My daughter has an advantage Klaus never had-- she will never, ever know you. [Hayley awakes with a loud gasp on the table, Klaus' blood still covering her mouth and neck. Elijah helps her sit up, and Klaus rubs her shoulder affectionately] KLAUS: You're alright, love. You're alright. HAYLEY: I saw him. He tried to kill me. I saw Mikael. THE ABATTOIR--Hayley's bedroom [Hayley is sitting on her bed, thinking, when Klaus approaches her room. She notices him, but he still stops and knocks before he fully entering] KLAUS: You've proved quite resilient, little wolf. Fighters, both of you. HAYLEY: I guess we've had to be. Especially lately. [She looks at Klaus, but he is speechless] HAYLEY: I've decided that I'm going to move back in. KLAUS: [softens] Well, I'm relieved to hear it. HAYLEY: But no mouth-breathing bodyguards, no telling me what to do. KLAUS: [smiles] All I ask is that the child is kept safe. HAYLEY: And what about me? What happens after she's born? If you try to take her away from me, I-- KLAUS: --Come with me, hm? [He heads out the door, but stops when he sees she isn't following him] Please. I want to show you something. [Hayley reluctantly gets up and follows Klaus out the door. He takes her to another room in the compound, which he has already set up to be a nursery, complete with a crib, a basinet, and a gorgeous mobile hanging from the ceiling, among other things. Hayley stares in surprise as she takes everything in] KLAUS: Believe it or not, Hayley, I would actually like you to be here. Our daughter should be raised by her parents, in her family home. HAYLEY: [touches the crystals hanging from the mobile] You, me, Elijah, and miracle-baby, all under one roof? Sounds like a bad reality show. [smiles affectionately] KLAUS: [chuckles nervously] Uh, you said you saw my father. HAYLEY: Why do you call him that? He's not your real dad. KLAUS: He's done damage only a father could do. [beat] What did he say to you? HAYLEY: [smiles warmly] Nothing true. [Klaus considers this for a moment, and then genuinely smiles before leaving the room. Hayley looks at the wall, on which Klaus has hung the painting he made of New Orleans, with a large full moon painted in the sky] THE FRENCH QUARTER [The celebration of Father Kieran's life is still going strong, as people drink and dance in the streets to the marching band playing jazz music. Elijah is watching the action from the balcony of the compound when Genevieve finds him] GENEVIEVE: Hayley and the baby are fine. I'd take her to a doctor once she's gotten some rest, if you want, but she's in the clear. [She waits for a response, but when Elijah remains silent, she sighs] I'll see myself out. ELIJAH: Genevieve. Thank you for your help. GENEVIEVE: [surprised] You're welcome. ELIJAH: You tore my sister from my family. I cannot forgive that. However, I may be inclined to show a degree more kindness if you could help me with a slight...issue. GENEVIEVE: Anything. ELIJAH: When the baby arrives, Hayley will once again transform with the full moon. Now, I would like to create for her a gift, a ring of empowerment, something to control this...curse. GENEVIEVE: [confused] What kind of spell would-- ELIJAH: A spell of my mother's, from her grimoire. Which, as I understand, you have been rather eager to obtain. [Genevieve grins slyly in agreement] LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [Marcel and Cami are breaking into Sean's grave in order to look for the object with the lock that is unlocked by Kieran's key. Once inside, they find a box, and pull it out. Marcel uses the key to unlock it, but the box is empty] MARCEL: Someone must have gotten to it. [Marcel sets the box back in the grave, but Cami grabs it again to examine it more closely] CAMI: I don't think so. [She brushes the dust off the inside of the lid, revealing a carving in the code Cami used to help get around Klaus' compulsion] My brother taught me this code fifteen years ago. I never knew how he learned it. MARCEL: [shocked] You can tell me what that says? CAMI: I can...but I won't. I'm sorry. MARCEL: Cami, this is too-- CAMI: --Dangerous? Yeah, I got it. But, if Kieran taught Sean this, my brother was meant to be brought into it all along. That makes it my responsibility now, whether I like it or not. COVEN HOUSE [Genevieve runs into Monique when she returns home, and grabs her angrily by the arm] GENEVIEVE: What the hell did you do to Hayley? MONIQUE: I was trying to do what the ancestors asked! GENEVIEVE: That baby is part-witch! The ancestors want her consecrated to the earth so her magic can fuel our community! She has to be born first, before she can die! [She smacks Monique on the shoulder] Leave. I don't want to look at you. [Monique glares at her and angrily stomps away. Once she leaves, Genevieve rushes around the room, gathering ingredients for a spell. She pours salt in a circle around a bouquet of dried flowers. As she chants, she takes off her gold necklace and places it on the table with the rest of the components for her spell] GENEVIEVE: [chants] Nouveau vie, nouveau an, me longe avec nous on cette. Mis ricorde, don't make me do this. [starts to cry] She's a baby. Don't make me a monster! Please... [The wind starts to blow violently around her, and blood starts to drip from her eyes and nose] GENEVIEVE: No! [An invisible force throws Genevieve into the air, where she slams against a tomb before being pushed forward, where she smacks her face against another tomb. She groans in pain and grabs her nose as the whispering spirits of the coven's ancestors start to grow louder and louder around her. Blood begins to gush from her nose and mouth, and Genevieve begins to plead with them] GENEVIEVE: No! No! [looks up at the sky] I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll do it! [her face continues to bleed] I'll do whatever you want! THE FRENCH QUARTER [The marching band continues to play in the streets as the party rages on. Children and adults alike dance in the street with umbrellas as Klaus and Elijah stand on the sidewalk and watch from outside the compound] KLAUS: Hayley has agreed to return home to us...with her own free will. [Klaus notices Marcel standing nearby] KLAUS: When Mikael is truly gone, do you think then I'll find peace? ELIJAH: I certainly hope so. Although, it's not only our father who haunts you, Niklaus. [Klaus rolls his eyes at him] You might want to make peace with the living. [Elijah pats him on the back before he takes off. Klaus watches Marcel from across the street, which causes him to flashback to the 1830s] FLASHBACK--New Orleans, 1835 [Marcel is having an argument with the Governor, his father, outside of his plantation, as many of his slaves continue to be beaten like he was] MARCEL: I demand to know why their freedom has not been granted! All necessary authorities have ruled in their favor! GOVERNOR: You think I don't remember you, boy? Have they turned you into one of them, yet? [Marcel remains silent, and the Governor laughs] I thought not. [The Governor gestures to one of his slave masters, who whips a slave right in front of Marcel. Before the man can do it again, Marcel rushes over and tackles the man before violently punching him in the face. When Marcel gets up to return to the Governor, Marcel is shot by him with a pistol in the chest] END OF FLASHBACK THE FRENCH QUARTER--Present Day [Marcel notices Klaus staring at him, and stares right back] FLASHBACK--New Orleans, 1835 [Klaus has found Marcel on a neighbor's front porch, dying from his wounds] KLAUS: [bites into his wrist and offers it to Marcel] Here, let me heal you. MARCEL: No. You always said we choose our family. So, what am I to you, Klaus? You made me a promise when you daggered your sister. It's finally time to make a choice. Turn me now, or let me die. KLAUS: [panicked] You do not know what you ask of me! Becoming like me! It would rob you of all that makes you good. MARCEL: [near tears] I know what you are. Who you are. This is what I want! Please! [Klaus considers this for a moment, and takes a deep breath before biting his wrist again and offering it to Marcel. Marcel drinks several gulps of his blood to heal, and then Klaus snaps his neck] END FLASHBACK THE FRENCH QUARTER--Present Day [Klaus watches as Marcel turns and walks away. Marcel walks down a dark alley, only to find Klaus waiting for him at the end] KLAUS: Your furlough ends when the clock strikes. MARCEL: I'm aware. Don't worry! I intend to be far away from here by then. But, just because I'm across the river, doesn't mean I'm not in the game. [points at the sky] Full moon's coming. I know you're up to something with the wolves, and I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what. And any way I do the math, it ends with me and my guys dead. [Klaus stares at Marcel blankly] Or, maybe we're supposed to fall in line, pledge our allegiance to you all over again, so if we get bitten, you might deign to cure us. Is that what you're after? 'Cause it's not gonna happen. KLAUS: [smirks] Well, that will be your choice, just as you chose to bring my father to town. You, who knows better than anyone, the specific agony of a father's hatred. MARCEL: Klaus-- KLAUS: [shouts] I spent decades trying to make up for what your father did! [composes himself] How did I fail? MARCEL: Maybe the scars just ran too deep. [The two stare at each other for a long moment until Klaus decides to leave] KLAUS: Goodnight, Marcellus. MARCEL: [waits until Klaus is almost gone] You didn't fail me. You raised me. You taught me everything that I know. You taught me that I can't afford to be weak. Not when my enemies are stronger. So, whatever it is you've got coming with the wolves, just know that I'm gonna fight for my guys. I'm gonna fight for my city. [shouts] And, I will FIGHT until I am DEAD! KLAUS: [stares him in the eyes] I would expect nothing less. [Klaus storms away, leaving Marcel alone in the alley] THE ABATTOIR--Hayley's bedroom [Hayley watches the party winding down from her balcony as Elijah enters the room behind her] HAYLEY: If I died and someone threw a party, I would be so pissed. [smiles] ELIJAH: [walks closer to her] You almost did. In a thousand years, I can't recall a time I felt so...frightened. [Hayley says nothing, and Elijah instinctively goes to run away. Hayley turns around to stop him] HAYLEY: Elijah... [After a moment of hesitation, she kisses him passionately. They break away, both of them keeping their eyes closed. When Hayley finally opens her eyes, Elijah has vanished. She smiles] COVEN HOUSE [Davina organizes herbs in the greenhouse when the wind starts blowing through the broken windows. When she looks down at her bandaged hand, she sees that her palm has begun bleeding again in the same wound she used in her se nce spell earlier. She turns when she starts to hear Tim's song in the windchimes, and all the candles and lights in the room flicker] DAVINA: [scared] Tim? Is that you? [She turns around to see Mikael's form flickering in front of her] DAVINA: Who are you? MIKAEL: Your friend Timothy has moved on, Davina. I'm truly sorry for what my son did to him. DAVINA: You're Klaus' father? MIKAEL: And I'm the only one who can rid you of him forever. But first, my little witch, I need you. DAVINA: [confused] What can I do? MIKAEL: [smiles] You can bring me back to life. Wiki

Hayley confronts a surprising enemy as she and her unborn baby fall into peril during a celebratory wake to honor a fallen member of the community. In order to save Hayley, Klaus and Elijah enlist the help of Genevieve who struggles to maintain control over Davina and the other young witches. Cami tells Marcel that Francesca is determined to find a mysterious key that may unlock a family secret. Meanwhile, as Klaus suffers from nightmares of his father Mikael, he is forced to examine his troubled relationship with his own adoptive son, Marcel.

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THE MASQUE OF MANDRAGORA BY: LOUIS MARKS Part Three Running time: 24:34 [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Doctor! Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] GIULIANO: Go on, for you'll need an army to do your work. FEDERICO: Oh, you craven-gutted curs. He's but one man. DOCTOR: You can't count, Count. FEDERICO: Take the sorcerer too. A gold piece to the first that splits him. FEDERICO: Brethren. ROSSINI: They're coming out of the ground like rats, sire. FEDERICO: Back! Back to the palace! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: That was lucky. The Brethren ran right past. Where's Sarah? GIULIANO: She came down here. You mean you've not seen her? DOCTOR: What? You mean she's wandering around in these catacombs? Let's have a look at this shoulder. GIULIANO: You've not spent all your life at books, Doctor. You just saved my life. DOCTOR: This should staunch the blood. You know, the finest swordsman I ever saw was a captain in Cleopatra's bodyguard. He showed me a few points. That's it. I don't know that Florence Nightingale would approve this little lash-up. GIULIANO: Did you find the temple, Doctor? DOCTOR: Oh, yes. Helix energy is still there, all right. Played some very nasty tricks. [SCENE_BREAK] PRIEST: It is an omen. The mighty Demnos has returned his victim to us. She who is the chosen sacrifice. HIERONYMOUS: This one assists the foreign sorcerer. She may yet assist him to his death before her hour of glory. PRIEST: Master, the great blade of our god thirsts for blood. HIERONYMOUS: Patience. Before this night ends, Priest, there will be blood in plenty. That I promise. PRIEST: We of the Brethren bow to your command, Master. HIERONYMOUS: Then mind her well, so that she may not struggle and cry out. Bring her to my chamber. [SCENE_BREAK] ROSSINI: The Duke of Milan, sire. FEDERICO: I heard. Get that muck out of here. Bring me clean linen. Hurry, you oaf! FEDERICO: That fox-faced old blowhard the Doge will be here within the hour. His advanced riders are carousing in the taverns even now. ROSSINI: What's to be done? He must be greeted. FEDERICO: That fat clown of a chancellor can do it. Say I've been stricken by an ague. Before night comes, Rossini, you and I have work to do. ROSSINI: I have a score of men searching for the Duke. He's not returned to the palace. FEDERICO: We must search the city. He's skulking in some stinking hovel. Oh no, I've gone too far now. Before sunrise, I want to see Giuliano's liver fed to the dogs. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: All right? GIULIANO: Yes, thank you, Doctor. DOCTOR: Good. Let's go and see what happened to Sarah. GIULIANO: Oh, not through there. DOCTOR: What? GIULIANO: Those catacombs are endless. DOCTOR: Giuliano, you're not afraid, are you? GIULIANO: Afraid? Oh, no. DOCTOR: That's funny. Most people would be. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] PRIEST: Why did you allow our Brethren to save the young prince, Master? HIERONYMOUS: His life may yet have value. PRIEST: But he is no more in the eye of Demnos than any other unbeliever. HIERONYMOUS: Giuliano's appointment with death is already written. Not Count Federico nor any other mortal must anticipate the mighty Demnos. PRIEST: Even so, I fear the Count will now bring all his soldiers against us. HIERONYMOUS: Faith, Brother. You have seen the sign of Demnos? PRIEST: The miracle, as it is written in the prophecies? HIERONYMOUS: Then let the word be spread throughout the city. Guard the sacred temple. The great god's dwelling place must not be defiled by unbelievers in these last hours. Now go, hurry. HIERONYMOUS: Do not resist, child. The aroma is sweet. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: This way. GIULIANO: Doctor! DOCTOR: The ancients who built this place knew a thing or two. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] HIERONYMOUS: Now, child, who do you serve? SARAH: I serve you. HIERONYMOUS: And the Doctor? SARAH: The Doctor is a sorcerer. HIERONYMOUS: And? SARAH: The Doctor is evil, and must be destroyed. HIERONYMOUS: All this you will forget. All but your purpose. When you're standing close and the Doctor suspects nothing, you will strike him down. One scratch will be sufficient. The hand of a friend is a subtle but certain weapon. HIERONYMOUS: Now, we must return you to the Doctor's side. How glad he will be to see his young companion. [SCENE_BREAK] FEDERICO: Well? ROSSINI: Nothing, sire. FEDERICO: Inept clod. What were my orders? ROSSINI: We have searched everywhere. FEDERICO: Get out. FEDERICO: I warn you, Rossini, fail me and you will breakfast on burning coals. ROSSINI: Sire, we can only think that he has taken to the catacombs. FEDERICO: Catacombs. ROSSINI: A thousand men might search those galleries for a month, sire, and still find nothing. They say there are places where the bat droppings are twice the height of a man. FEDERICO: They say. They say! The truth of the matter, Rossini, is that you have no stomach for the task. ROSSINI: If it is your wish, sire, I will take the entire guard down there and begin the search immediately. FEDERICO: No. No, it is true. If he's gone down into the warren, he'll be harder to find than a flea in a beggar's robes. But he must come out or die like a sewer rat. ROSSINI: And when he does, we must be ready for him. FEDERICO: Of course you will, dung head. But more than that, we are going to prove that the Duke Giuliano is a secret devotee of the cult of Demnos. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Sarah! Oh, Sarah. GIULIANO: Is she all right? SARAH: Where am I? DOCTOR: I think so. GIULIANO: Her eyes, they're very strange. DOCTOR: What happened? SARAH: The Brethren, two of them. I can't remember. GIULIANO: Why would they leave her here? DOCTOR: I don't know. Perhaps they're planning to come back for her. You know, this leads under the palace. GIULIANO: How do you know that, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, the first time I saw the leader of the cult, he was walking this way. He probably comes this way regularly. You know something? I don't think the Mandragora intelligence hijacked the TARDIS and brought us here by accident. There must already be someone here who's sympathetic to its influence. Possibly there's been some tenuous influence for centuries. SARAH: Doctor, give me a hand. DOCTOR: What? DOCTOR: Salvatore ambulando. SARAH: What? GIULIANO: It's Latin. The question is solved by walking. SARAH: Latin? I don't even speak Italian. Hey, I never thought of that before. How is it I can understand you? DOCTOR: Don't you worry about it. I'll explain it later. Come on. SARAH: All right. [SCENE_BREAK] GUARD (OOV.): Open. Open in the name of the Duke Giuliano. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Anywhere we know? GIULIANO: Yes. We're in the palace dungeons. DOCTOR: Oh, excellent. GIULIANO: My father once spoke of a secret passage. DOCTOR: Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] FEDERICO: Hieronymous. HIERONYMOUS: You will forgive me for not rising, Count. FEDERICO: Only the dead fail to stand in my presence. However, your lack of courtesy is easily corrected. HIERONYMOUS: My lord, spare an old servant. It is only out of my love for you. I am numb with fear for your life. FEDERICO: But your numbness has passed, I see. You're a fake, Hieronymous. A fraud, a charlatan, a marketplace soothsayer. You and I both know the truth of this, so just remember your place, Court Astrologer. That way you may also keep your head. HIERONYMOUS: But, my lord, I bring you a warning. FEDERICO: Go on. HIERONYMOUS: Intrigues are brewing. Plots are being prepared. You are in great danger. FEDERICO: The only plots, Hieronymous, are mine, and they are going well. HIERONYMOUS: It is written that a blow will be struck against you here, in the palace. You must bring your guards here to protect your noble person. FEDERICO: You try my patience, Hieronymous. You can no more tell the stars than you can tell my chamber pot. Go. Get out of my sight! HIERONYMOUS: Very well, sire. But before Mars sinks to rest, the blow will fall and your life will be forfeit. So it is written. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I'd say you've had visitors. GIULIANO: Marco. My uncle's men must have taken him. DOCTOR: There's nothing you can do on your own, Giuliano. GIULIANO: But he's my friend, my loyal friend. DOCTOR: Listen, listen. Listen, there are other considerations besides your uncle and his petty ambitions. GIULIANO: Petty? They are far from petty, Doctor. I've called a gathering of scholars here to celebrate my accession to the dukedom. My uncle will do everything in his power to stop our meeting. DOCTOR: Who's coming? GIULIANO: The most learned men of all Italy. Scholars, artists, men of the new sciences. DOCTOR: Is Leonardo da Vinci coming? GIULIANO: And his patron, the Duke of Milan. DOCTOR: If anything should happen to those men, they'd be thrown back into a new dark age. DOCTOR: You two stay here. SARAH: Where are you going? DOCTOR: I have an idea who the leader of the Brethren is. GIULIANO: Be careful, Doctor. The soldiers are everywhere. DOCTOR: Don't worry about me. I'm not likely to miss Leonardo da Vinci. [SCENE_BREAK] FEDERICO: Scarlatti is enjoying his work? ROSSINI: He's a craftsman. FEDERICO: Nonetheless, these cries. I would prefer not to rouse the entire palace. Has he weakened yet? ROSSINI: He is a stubborn ape, sire. FEDERICO: I'll have a word with him myself. Sometimes the voice of reason is more effective than the burning iron. I have a task for you, Rossini. ROSSINI: My lord. FEDERICO: The astrologer Hieronymous. It appears he's moving against me. He's forecast my death. ROSSINI: My lord! FEDERICO: Don't be alarmed. He plucks these lies out of the sky. But I want the old spider out of the city tonight. ROSSINI: Banished, sire? FEDERICO: Throw him out, and all his rubbish with him. [SCENE_BREAK] FEDERICO: A simple confession, my young friend. MARCO: Never. FEDERICO: Come, Marco. You're of noble birth, a man of intelligence. Use your intelligence and save yourself pain. MARCO: I shall not lie against the Duke. You can kill me first. FEDERICO: No, but we may kill you afterwards. Scarlatti's enthusiasm is such that not all survive his attentions. MARCO: You devils! FEDERICO: Come now, Marco. Confess that Giuliano is a follower of Demnos and I will reward you well. Come, man, what is your answer? FEDERICO: You insolent fool. Now you will truly learn what suffering is. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Good evening. HIERONYMOUS: You! What are you? DOCTOR: It's time you and I had a little talk, Hieronymous. HIERONYMOUS: Keep back. Keep away from me! DOCTOR: Not sure of yourself? Influence comes and goes? I suppose that must be very worrying. HIERONYMOUS: Were you sent from the stars? DOCTOR: Oh, you could say that, yes. HIERONYMOUS: They told me, the voices, that I would be joined by another. Give me the proof that you are the one. DOCTOR: Fascinating. Predeluvian sandstone with a complex circuit of base metal fused into it. HIERONYMOUS: You defile the sacred image of Demnos! Destroy him now! DOCTOR: Hello, Sarah. Poisoned needle? Drop it. HIERONYMOUS: Strike him down! DOCTOR: Oh, you don't want to hurt me, Sarah. I'm your friend, remember? Your best friend. Drop it. SARAH: Doctor! HIERONYMOUS: The curse of Demnos on you, sorcerer! DOCTOR: You're getting a bit old for this, Hieronymous. SARAH: No! ROSSINI: Stop him! Don't let him get away! SARAH: Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] FEDERICO: Giuliano. Is he dead? ROSSINI: No, sire. He's in the dungeons with the other prisoners. FEDERICO: Then it is finished, Rossini. The Duke and his troublemakers will be dead and buried before cock crow. ROSSINI: There is only Hieronymous, but he won't evade capture for long. FEDERICO: There is nothing now that will stop me. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: I'm trying to remember what happened to me, but I can't. There's just nothing. DOCTOR: Drug induced hypnosis. Hieronymous is an old slyboots. SARAH: And I really tried to kill you? DOCTOR: You only did what you were ordered. What I expected. SARAH: But how did you know I'd been drugged? DOCTOR: Well, I've taken you to some strange places before and you've never asked how you understood the local language. It's a Time Lord's gift I allow you to share. But tonight when you asked me how you understood Italian, I realised your mind had been taken over. SARAH: Poor Marco. GIULIANO: Doctor! Sarah! DOCTOR: See to Marco. GIULIANO: Marco, what have they done to you? MARCO: They made me speak against you. They forced me to say. GIULIANO: Say what? FEDERICO: That you, dear nephew, and this dog of a sorcerer, are in league to revive the blasphemous cult of Demnos. GIULIANO: You stinking butcher! ROSSINI: My lord! All over the city, they're coming out of every street. FEDERICO: The Brethren. They're moving towards the temple. [SCENE_BREAK] HIERONYMOUS: Great god Demnos, we are ready to receive you into ourselves. If we are worthy of your mighty presence, show yourself. [SCENE_BREAK] FEDERICO: I've waited a long time for this moment, sorcerer. There is nothing now that will stop me from becoming Duke. DOCTOR: Count Federico, can't you understand? I'm not interested in your political ambitions. Your enemies are not here in this dungeon. They're in the temple. It isn't Giuliano you have to fear, it's Hieronymous. FEDERICO: Ha! That fake. DOCTOR: That fake is the leader of the Brethren. FEDERICO: What? DOCTOR: Yes. And he's possessed of extraordinary powers. Helix energy. ROSSINI: It's a trick, sire. FEDERICO: How do I know you're telling the truth? DOCTOR: You don't. But if Hieronymous isn't stopped, I promise you, there'll be no dukedom for you or anyone else to rule over after tonight. FEDERICO: I'll see for myself, and you will come with me. Unchain him. ROSSINI: Don't trust him, my lord. FEDERICO: I don't have to trust him. Keep these three here as hostages. If I'm not back within the hour, you know what to do. I'll take two of your best men. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Whatever you do, Count, don't go near him. FEDERICO: Do I need your advice? When I give the signal, seize him. FEDERICO: Hieronymous! FEDERICO: You traitor!

The Doctor saves Giuliano from Federico's men, then they try to find Sarah, unaware Hieronymous has hypnotised her to kill the Doctor.

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Produced by: Robert Carlock and Wendy Knoller [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment] Chandler: So, you and Rachel tonight, uh? Joey: Yeah. It's actually our first official date Chandler: Wow! So tonight may be the night! You're nervous? Joey: Naa, no. This is the part I'm actually good at. Chandler: What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing. Joey: (pause) It's OK! Chandler: How can you be so confident? Joey: Well, I... I know exactly what I'm gonna do! Chandler: Really? Like you have a routine? Joey: No, no no no no. See. Each woman is different.You have to appreciate their uniqueness. Chandler: Really? Joey: No, I do six things! First, I look deep in her eyes. Then, I kiss her. Next I take my hand and I softly graze her thigh. Chandler: You mean like this? (he starts touching his thigh in a funny and awkard way) Joey: NO! Not like that, no no. No, like this. (He starts lightly grazing Chandler's thigh) Chandler: Oh, I see what you mean, that's quite nice. (They look at each other, both embarassed) Joey: More foosball? Chandler: ...and beer!! OPENING CREDITS [Scene:Central Perk. Ross and Chandler are on the couch] Monica: (entering) Hey! Ross and Chandler: Hey! Monica: (to Chandler) Hey sweetie! (they kiss) Ross: (looking at Monica's legs) WOW! Chandler: Hey! Stop staring at my wife's legs! No no! Stop staring at your sister's legs! Ross: I'm sorry, it's just... how did you get so tan? Chandler: She went on one of those spray-on tan places. Ross: Eh, you got a spray-on tan? Monica: Chandler gets pedicures! Ross: (laughing) Why, why you do, like with the-the toe separators? Chandler: (To Monica) Why...why? Ross: Still, I can't believe that's sprayed on... I mean, it looks really good. I wonder if I should get one! Chandler: Sure, then you should get a mini skirt so you can really show it off. Ross: So, do you get colours or just French tips? Monica: There. Here's their card. Ross: Thanks. (he takes the card) Hey, I know where this place is! It used to be an X-rated video... (pauses when he realizes what he is saying) florist. (he goes away) (Phoebe enters) Phoebe: Hey! Chandler: Hey Pheebs! Monica: Hey Phoebe! Phoebe: Oh, you won't believe who moved back to town. Monica: I know, Amanda! Ah! She called me too! She's the worst! Chandler: Who's Amanda? Monica: She's this girl who used to live in the building before you did. Then she moved to England and she picked up this fake British accent. On the machine this is her message. (she apes Amanda using an awful British accent) "Monica, darling! It's Amanda calling!" Chandler: Are you trying to do a British accent? Monica: (pause) (to Phoebe) Chandler gets pedicures! Chandler: Just so I know, how many more of those can I expect? Phoebe: You know what Amanda said to me when she got me on the phone? (apes Amanda in a british accent) "Oh, so sorry to catch you on your Mo-Bile!" If-if you don't wanna get me on my mo-Bile, don't call me on my mo-Bile!" Monica: I know, and she's always bragging about all the famous people she's met. Phoebe: Oh, I know! "Oh...I slept with Billy Joel". All right, who hasn't? Monica: Oh, what are we gonna do! I don't wanna see her!! Phoebe: Ugh, Let's just cut her out! Monica: What? Phoebe: Cut her out of our lives! Just ignore her calls and dodge her 'till she gets the point! Monica: Oh, I guess we could try that, but... it seems so harsh! (to Chandler) Have you ever done that? Chandler: No, had it done to me though. Feels good ! [Scene: At the tanning salon. Ross and a male assistant are walking through a hall] Assistant: Alright Mr. Geller! Right this way! So, how dark do you wanna be? We have one, two or three. Ross: Well... I like how you look, what are you? Assistant: Puerto Rican. Ross: Two, I think a two. Assistant: You've got to face the red light. When the red light goes on the spraying is about to start so close your eyes. When the spraying stops, count to five. Pat yourself down to avoid drip marks then turn around so we can get your back. Got it? Ross: Spray, count, pat, then turn, spray, count and pat. Assistant: Wow, you catch on quick. Ross: Well, I have a PhD, so... (assistant walk out, not impressed by this statement) (Ross takes his bathrobe off and he enters the tanning booth. He stands up in front of the red light and the sprayer starts and sprays his face and torso) Ross: One Mississipi, two Mississipi, Three Mis...(the sprayer starts again, spraying him in the face and torso again) WAIT! WAIT! I'm not-I've not finished counting!! (he leaves the booth) (the assistant enters the room) Ross: You sprayed my front twice! Assistant: You've never turned? Ross: No, I barely even got to three Mississippi. Assistant: Mississippi? I said count to five'! Ross: Mississippilesly? (pause) Well, how bad is it? Assistant: Ain't that bad yet, but it keeps getting darker for the next four hours. Ross: So, how dark is it gonna get? Assistant: You got sprayed with two two' s and... Ross: I'm a four? Assistant: Yeah, but you're back's a zero. You're gonna wanna even that out. Ross: (sarcastically) Really! Assistant: You might wanna get back in there. Ross: (annoyed) Ok! (The assistant leaves and Ross goes back in the spray-on tan booth and turns his back to the spray nozzles, facing the back wall) Ross: Wait, wait a minute, there's no light on the back wall! How do I know when it's gonna start? Hello? (he slowly turns and the spraying begins, on his face) Ah, oh, ah! (he turns, but then he turns again and is sprayed in the front again) Ah! (he spits and angrily goes out of the spray-on tan booth and the assistant enters the room) The same thing happened again! Assistant: You got two more twos? Ross: (hysterically) I'm an eight! [Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Rachel enter the room] Rachel: Thanks for dinner. Joey: I thought you paid. (Rachel does not answer and seems puzzled) Ha, guess we won't be going back there! Rachel: So. Joey: Yeah. (Joey and Rachel start kissing) Joey: Hey what do you say, we move this onto the likes of the couch? Rachel: I say 'cheesy line', but ok. (They move on the couch and start kissing again. Joey does his grazing on Rachel's thigh and she slaps his hand) Joey: What's the matter? Rachel: I am sorry, I don't know, I am sorry, I don't know why I did that! Joey and Rachel: Okay Rachel: Ok, so sorry. (They start kissing again and, when Joey grazes her thigh, she slaps him on his hand again) Rachel: I am sorry! Again... I don't know, I don't know what happened, I must be nervous! Joey: I don't get it, Chandler loved it! Rachel: Ok, ok, ok. I promise, I promise, I promise, I won't do it again. I really do. I promise. This is gonna be great. Joey: Ok. (They start kissing again and when Joey grazes, she slaps him three times, on the hand, and on both cheeks) Joey: (a little giddy) Uh, was that good for you? [Scene: Monica's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are reading magazines when the phone rings and Phoebe reaches to pick it up] Monica: (to Phoebe) No, no, don't get it. Let the machine pick up. Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Could be Rachel asking if someone could baby-sit again. Monica: It could be Amanda! Phoebe: Oh, you're right! I was just kidding about Rachel. Babysitting is a gas! (The machine picks up the phone) Amanda: Hello Monica. It's Amanda calling again. I am in the neighborhood hoping I can pop by your flat! Monica: You're from Yonkers! Your last name is Buffo-Martisis! Amanda: Let's see.. to assure you get this directly, ring me back on my mobile. Phoebe: Ok, don't hold thy breath! (Sound of dialing numbers is heard from the speaker of the machine) Chandler: Hello? Is someone on the line? Amanda: Yes, I was looking for Monica. Chandler: Hang on, she's right here. (he enters the living room and hands the phone to Monica) Someone's on the phone, for ya. Monica: We weren't picking up, it's Amanda! Chandler: (to Amanda) I get pedicures! Monica: Hi Amanda! Actually now... it's... is not a good time. Dinner tomorrow night? (Phoebe mouths 'no') Ok, Phoebe and I will see you then! Phoebe: Why, why, why didn't you just say no! Monica: Well, I said 'no' to her coming over now! I couldn't say 'no' twice! I get this uncontrollable need to please people! Phoebe: (leaving) Fine, fine! You would not hold up well under torture! Monica: And you would? Phoebe: I did! [scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Rachel are sitting on the couch] Joey: Rach, you sure you wanna do this? Rachel: Absolutely! Absolutely. I d... it's just a little weird, it's you, and it's me, it's just gonna take some getting used to. Joey: Ok. Well, how, how can we make it easier? Rachel: Ok, let's work from the top down! (Joey nods, but then puzzled because he does not get it) Just work the bra, Joe! Joey: Ok, yeah, got it. Rachel and Joey: Okay. (They start kissing and Joey starts to undo her bra, but fails completely) Joey: This thing welded shut?! Rachel: Okay. Joey: All right, turn around, I got to get a look at this thing. Rachel: Oh! (Joey starts trying to undo her bra, but it won't go.The elastic band snaps back, hurting Rachel.) Rachel: Ow! Joey: Sorry! Rachel: Well this is romantic! Joey: I'm sorry! (He stands up) This never happened to me before! I'm an expert at taking off bras! I can do it with one hand! I can do it with my eyes closed! One time I just looked at one, and it popped open! I blame your bra! Rachel: It's a standard issue bra clasp! Joey: Then I blame you! Yeah! That's right! You threw me off with all your slapping! Rachel: Ok well, well I'm really, I'm sorry about that Joey, but do you think that maybe on some level, you don't want to take off my bra? Joey: (contemplates for a few moments what Rachel just said) NAH! I don't have another level!! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment] (Chandler is at the table reading; Monica puts some food for him on the table. Ross walks in looking very tanned. Chandler and Monica look up at him smiling.) Chandler: Hold on! There is something different. Ross: I went to that tanning place your wife suggested. Chandler: Was that place... The Sun? Ross: Oh! And it gets worse! (Turns his side to Chandler and Monica and pulls up his shirt. There's a distinct line across his body, where his belly is very tanned and his back is very pale.) Chandler: Oh My God! You can do a duet of Ebony and Ivory all by yourself! Monica: How could you mess this up? It's so easy? You go into the booth, you count to five and you turn around!! Ross: (looks at her suspiciously) How do you count to five? Monica: One Two Three... Ross: (Yells) Damnit! (Goes to the door to leave. Rachel just enters, sees him and starts laughing) Rachel: (laughing) oooh! Oh oh! Ross: (Still yelling) I Know! Rachel: oh oh! What is up with Miss Hawaiian Tropic? Chandler: How was your date with Joey? Rachel: Well, it was good.. until we got back to our apartment, and then we were fooling around and he started to put his hand up my leg and I kept slapping it away! Chandler: You didn't like that? Rachel: Well, it wasn't just me, alright? He freaked out too! He couldn't even undo my bra! Monica: Wow, really? One time he just looked at my bra and it popped open. (Chandler starts looking at her bra) Rachel: I do not know what's wrong with us, I mean, we have kissed before and that's been great! But this time it was leading somewhere and I was very aware of the fact that it was Joey touching me. Monica: Well, you guys have been friends forever. Remember the first time that you kissed Ross? How weird that was? You couldn't stop laughing? You got through that. Rachel: (looking thoughtful) Ok, that's true. That's true, we can do this. You're right, you're right, we can do this. We're just gonna power through! (Joey walks in) Joey: Hey Chandler can I talk to you for a second (points to the hall). Rachel: (To Joey) No need!! Problem solved, we are powering through (At which point she grabs his hand and pulls him back to their apartment). (Chandler resumes staring at Monica's bra) Monica: (sees what he is doing) Chandler, stop! It is not going to pop open! Chandler: (without taking his eyes off the bra) You don't know! (Monica just smiles) [Scene: Central Perk.] (Phoebe is sitting on the couch. Monica walks in.) Monica: Hey Phoebe! Phoebe: Hey! Monica: Is Amanda here yet? Phoebe: No. Monica: (sits down) Oh good. Good, look I'm so sorry, for screwing up that cutting-her-out plan. But I have a new plan. Chandler agreed to call here in a few minutes with an emergency. Phoebe: Oh! Well, what kind of emergency that gets us both out of here? Monica: Well, what do you think of Mike and Chandler being in a car accident? Phoebe: (makes a face) Are you kidding, I love it! (A blonde woman walks in. Supposedly Amanda) Phoebe: Hi! Monica: Hi! Amanda: Hi! (Phoebe and Amanda hug) Amanda: (To Monica) Hello! (Monica holds her hands out for a hug, but instead of hugging her, Amanda hangs her purse on one of Monica's extended arms.) Amanda: (In a fake British accent) It's so nice to see you! Both of you! Look at me. Look how young I look! (gives her coat to Monica as well) Oh gosh! We have so much to catch up on! But first things first: touch my abs (at which point she grabs both Phoebe and Monica's hands and places them both on her stomach) I don't exercise at all! (she pulls them down to sit.) Oh gosh, so Monica, you're married! Monica: (beaming) Yeah! Yeah! His name is Chandler and... Amanda: (To Phoebe) Smell my neck! (Phoebe does so) It's not perfume! It's me! It's my natural scent! (Monica looks shocked) Phoebe: Musty! Amanda: Oh! Gosh! This is brilliant. Gosh, it's just like old times. I'm so happy you two are friends again! Monica: When were we not friends? Amanda: Well, it was 1992, and I remember because that was the year I had s*x with Evil Knievel (She starts laughing very proudly). Monica: Ehm, we were friends in 1992. Amanda: (to Phoebe) No I distinctly remember you were dodging her (points at Monica) calls and trying to avoid seeing her. Monica: (To Phoebe) You were going to cut me out? Phoebe: Well...kinda. Monica: Oh My God! Amanda: Oh! Bugger. Should I not have said that? I feel like a perfect arse! Phoebe: Yeah well, in America you're just an "ass". (Monica's mobile starts ringing. She picks it up.) Monica: (Into the phone) Hello? Chandler, what's wrong? (She listens) Oh my God, are you alright? (listens some more) Yeah, I'll be right there. (She hangs up and speaks to Amanda) I'm so sorry, but Chandler was in a car accident. (She gets up) Phoebe: (Also gets up and starts taking her purse) Oh my God. Was Mike with him? Monica: Nope! (She turns and leaves) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment.] (Joey comes running in.) Joey: (To Rachel) Hey! Rachel: Hey! Got champagne? Joey: Yes ma'am, ready to Power through! Rachel: Excellent! Stick it in the ice bucket, the phone is off the hook, and in the interest of powering through (Starts to remove her bra from under her clothes)... Joey: Uh! (When she's done she throws her bra at him) Rachel: Ok (starts to light some candles) Sexy, sexy, very sexy, sexy. (Claps her hands and jumps at Joey, clearly very excited) Alright! Lets do it! Joey: Ok, you're scaring me a little bit. Rachel: Oh! Get over it soldier, we've gotta do this! (She pulls him towards her and throws him onto the barcalounger) Ok. Aha! You like that huh? Joey: Oh! yeah! Rachel: You like that? (She climbs on the barcalounger seductively, putting her knees next to Joey's hips.) Let's take this into high gear (She pulls the barcalounger lever and seat reclines. She puts one of her knees between his legs and begins to kiss his neck.) Joey: uh uh! Rachel: Yeah baby, I'll show you how we do it! Joey: No, no, no! You kneed me in my misters! Rachel: What? Oh my God! I'm so sorry. Joey? Are you ok? Joey: (He just sits there, legs very close together with a painful look on his face) Soldier down! [Monica and Chandlers apartment.] (Chandler is sitting on the couch reading. Monica walks in.) Monica: We are not friends with Phoebe anymore. Chandler: If she asks, I protested a little, but ok! (Phoebe and Amanda walk in) Phoebe: Oh Chandler! Thank God you're alive. Monica, can I talk to you outside for a minute? Monica: I have nothing to say to you. Amanda: (announces more to herself than anyone else) Wow, my flat is twice this size! Phoebe: Please, Monica? In the hall? (They both walk to the door and enter the hallway.) Amanda: Ooh, that accident must have been terrible. You look positively ghastly. Chandler: Well, aren't you a treat. [Scene: The hallway] Monica: I can't believe you tried to cut me out. Why Phoebe, why? Phoebe: It was right after we were living together and you were driving me crazy, okay? You were really controlling and compulsive and shrill. Monica: I'm still all those things! Phoebe: You're also so generous and kind and scrappy! Monica: (starts smiling) I am scrappy. Phoebe: Exactly! Look, no matter what I tried to do, I couldn't keep you out of my life. Of all the people I have cut out, you were the only one who ever clawed her way back in. Monica: It's because I'm scrappy. Phoebe: Yeah, you are. And I'm so glad that you fought your way back in, because I don't know what I would do without you. Monica: I won't know what I would do without you. (They hug) Monica: Well, I guess we should go back in. When you gave me another chance, I guess we should do the same for Amanda. Phoebe: Yeah, I guess you're right. (They both enter the apartment again, where Amanda is "dancing" for Chandler, but she's really terrible at it) Amanda: Can you believe it. I've never had any professional dance training. (Monica and Phoebe look at each other and leave the apartment again) [Scene: A different spray-on tan center] (Glenda, who works here, and Ross are walking to the room with the spray-on tan booth.) Glenda: Now, let me explain how this works. You go into the booth, and... Ross: I'm gonna stop you right there, Glenda. Okay? Does it look like this is my first time, huh? Now I want 4 two's... and I want them all on my back. Glenda: (quietly) Okay... (Ross enters the room, takes off his robe and enters the booth. He stands with his back to the nozzles and then realises that this booth has nozzles at both sides of the wall) Ross: Wait a minute, there's two sets of nozzles, which one is it? (He turns around frantically from side to side.) Ross: Which... which... which... Which one is it? (He then stops turning, facing one of the nozzles, which starts spraying in this face and front again.) Ross: OH! SON OF A BITCH! (He now turns to the other side, which also starts spraying his face and front.) [Scene: Joey and Rachel's] (Joey and Rachel are both sitting on the couch. Joey keeping his knees pressed against each other) Rachel: What is the matter with us? Joey: Well, I know what's the matter with me. Rachel: No, I mean with us, you know. I mean, is it supposed to be this... difficult? Joey: I don't know. (Chandler enters the apartment) Chandler: That fake British woman is a real bitch, but she sure can dance... Hey! Rachel: Hi! Hey, listen, can we ask you a question? When you and Monica first hooked up, was it weird going from friends to... more than that? Chandler: Kinda... you know, sneaking around, having to hide from you guys... Rachel: No, no, no... No, I mean... se-x-u-ally... Joey: Yeah, was there a part of you that... felt like it was... really wrong? Chandler: Actually, no. No, it felt right. You know, it felt like uhm... I can't believe we haven't been doing this the whole time. (Rachel and Joey are still looking at Chandler, slowly letting his words get to them) Chandler: I can tell from your expressions that that's the good news you were hoping for... Well, I'm gonna go continue to... spread the joy.(Chandler leaves the apartment. Joey sighs) Rachel: Well, just because it happened that way for them doesn't mean it has to happen that way for us. Joey: Yeah, yeah... Absolutely. I mean, just because something's difficult doesn't mean that you quit. Rachel: Right, totally. Joey: Yeah, so we just keep trying and trying until we... do it. Rachel: Yeah, and if doesn't work, then we'll be just one of those couples that never have s*x. Joey: That's a... pla-an. (They both stare for a while, and then look at each other) Joey: (sighs) Wow... I did not see this coming. Rachel: I know. Joey: I don't get it. I mean, I was so sure this was what I wanted. Rachel: Hmmm... Me too... (She puts her head on Joey's shoulder and Joey kisses her on her head.) Rachel: I wonder how Monica and Chandler could do it? Joey: I guess they weren't as good friends as we are. (Lifts her head from Joey's shoulder) Rachel: Aah... I bet you're right. (They look at each other for a while) Joey: So... Rachel: Yeah. Joey: I love ya. Rachel: Love you too... Alright, I'm going to bed. Joey: Yeah, me too. (Rachel gets up, and Joey tries to get up, but halfway up he sits down again.) Joey: Ooh, yeah, I'm not going anywhere for a while. (Joey takes the ice-bucket with the champagne bottle in it and puts it on his sore spot) ENDING CREDITS [Scene: Ross's apartment.] (Ross is reading a National Geographic on his sofa when Chandler knocks on the door.) Chandler: Dude, it's Chandler. Let me in. (Ross's face is now a VERY dark shade of brown.) Ross: Go away! I don't want to see anybody. Chandler: I know, I went to the tanning place and the same thing happened to me. You have to let me in. Ross: Really? Did you count Mississipily? (Ross walks to the door and opens it.) Ross: Dude, you're not tanned. Chandler: No, I just had to get a picture of this. (Chandler holds up a camera and takes Ross's picture.) Chandler: I see you later! (Ross closes the door) end

After Ross sees Monica's tan, he decides to get a spray-on tan. After hearing seemingly straightforward instructions, he gets confused and accidentally gets a double dose on the front of his body and nothing on his back. Through a series of mishaps he gets more spray tan on his front until he is incredibly dark. Rachel and Joey attempt to take their relationship to the next level but Rachel keeps accidentally slapping Joey, while Joey can't get Rachel out of her clothes. Joey and Rachel ultimately decide to stay friends. Monica and Phoebe try to "cut out" an obnoxious old friend from the building when she visits from England ( Jennifer Coolidge ). This brings up memories of the time when Phoebe tried to "cut out" Monica many years before.

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COLONY IN SPACE BY: MALCOLM HULKE 6:10pm - 6:35pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. PRIMITIVE CITY ENTRANCE (The MASTER'S device starts to emit a signal.) DOCTOR: What's that beeping noise? (The MASTER flips open the lid observes the screen.) MASTER: Someone's trying to rescue Miss Grant. (He closes the lid and raises his finger above the button.) DOCTOR: You can't! MASTER: (Harshly.) I warned you, Doctor! DOCTOR: No! (With a cry, the DOCTOR swiftly kicks the device out of the MASTER'S hand. He then kicks the MASTER in the stomach and the renegade falls back to the ground before he can fire his laser gun. As this tussle takes place, the entrance to the Primitive City creaks out and one of the PRIESTS stands in the doorway. At the same time, several Primitives appear from each side with their spears pointed at the DOCTOR and the MASTER. The Time Lords stop their fight and stand prisoner. One of the Primitives picks up the MASTER'S gun and they are then pushed forward towards the entrance and into the city.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. MASTER'S TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (JO continues to shout from within he cubicle but the door effectively covers her shouts. Whilst MORGAN impassively watches, CALDWELL tries various controls on the console in an effort to free the girl.) CALDWELL: Ah, it's no use, I can't see... (He activates another control and the cubicle door buzzes.) CALDWELL: Just a minute! (He rushes to the cubicle, pulls open the door and helps a gasping and coughing JO out. She stumbles across the floor straight into MORGAN'S grasp.) MORGAN: Where is the Adjudicator? JO: He's not the Adjudicator, he's a fake! MORGAN: (Shouts.) We know that! Where is he! CALDWELL: Calm down - take it easy! (CALDWELL pulls JO away from MORGAN. He speaks quietly to her.) CALDWELL: Where could he have got to? Do you know? JO: He went with the Doctor. MORGAN: (Shouts.) Where! JO: To the Primitive city. [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. PASSAGE (The MASTER and the DOCTOR are led in silent procession along a passage in the city. At the head of the group, a PRIEST reaches a doorway, which opens, and the group moves in.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. ARCHIVE ROOM (They are in the same room that the DOCTOR and JO were held in before. The PRIEST stands still with his back to the group. The MASTER walks up to him and addresses him...) MASTER: Are you the leader of these people? I've come to help you. (The PRIEST turns and stares at the MASTER but says nothing.) MASTER: (To the DOCTOR.) Why doesn't he answer? DOCTOR: They don't speak. They're telepathic. (The PRIEST walks out of the room and the doorway starts to close.) MASTER: No, wait! (But the door closes. Imprisoned, the MASTER looks round their surroundings.) MASTER: What is this place? DOCTOR: Well, it looks like some sort of lumber-room. (The DOCTOR points to the painted glass frames on the left of the room.) DOCTOR: But err, take a look at this frieze here. I think it might interest you. (The MASTER is immediately absorbed by the sight.) MASTER: Yes... (He and the DOCTOR go over and look closely at one of the panels - the sacrifice depiction.) DOCTOR: It's a sort of chronicle of their history, showing that their science has deteriorated into a somewhat primitive religion. [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. MAIN DOME. ENTRANCE HALL (JO has been brought back to the main dome. As the colonists pack for their departure, she is attempting to tell CALDWELL about the MASTER when DENT hurries in with MORGAN.) JO: The Master's a sort of...super-criminal. He can travel in time and space. He... (CALDWELL spots DENT approaching and stands to attention, adopting an officious tone.) CALDWELL: I'm afraid I can't help you. DENT: (To JO.) I understand you've been to this Primitive City? JO: Yes, and we only just got out alive. MORGAN: She has told me how to get there. I could take some men and hunt them down. DENT: No, you're needed here. I'll send a squad after them once we've got rid of these people. Things are going too slowly - get them moving! (MORGAN nods and moves off.) CALDWELL: What about this girl? DENT: She goes with the colonists. (He starts to walk out of the dome. JO shouts after him.) JO: Look, I'm not a colonist! I've got to find the Doctor. DENT: Put her with the rest! (DENT leaves the dome. JO turns back to CALDWELL.) JO: You must help me - please! CALDWELL: You heard what Captain Dent said - get on that ship. JO: You've...got to find the Master and stop him - for everyone's sake! CALDWELL: There's nothing I can do. JO: Let me go. If we can find the Doctor, we may be able to stop him. (MORGAN comes back.) MORGAN: Caldwell, you were told to put her on the ship. CALDWELL: All right, Morgan, all right. (He takes JO by the arm.) MORGAN: (Shouts.) Caldwell, you're still under my discipline, even if you are an engineer - now you remember that! CALDWELL: Who could forget it! (To JO.) Come on you. (He leads her out of the dome.) JO: Oh, please, you've got to... CALDWELL: You've given me enough trouble, now get on that ship when you're told! [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. MAIN DOME (They walk out of the dome. where there is a parked IMC buggy.) JO: Please listen to me! (CALDWELL looks round and then points to a metal tarpaulin, which covers the rear compartment of the buggy.) CALDWELL: Get under there. Move, quick before I change my mind! (JO dives under the tarpaulin and MORGAN gets in the drivers' seat.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. ARCHIVE ROOM (The DOCTOR and the MASTER are still looking at the pictograms.) MASTER: That's absolutely fascinating! The whole story is here! DOCTOR: Is it? Well, perhaps you'd be kind enough to explain it to me? MASTER: Well, this city was once the center of a great civilization. DOCTOR: Yes, I had rather gathered that. MASTER: By genetic engineering, they developed a super-race. Now that priest we saw must be a remnant of it. DOCTOR: You deduced all that from these pictures? MASTER: Well, not exactly, I...I knew it already. The files of the Time Lords are very comprehensive. DOCTOR: Ah, so that's more like it. You mean that you stole the information? MASTER: Well, it seemed an awful pity not to make use of it, you know? Well of course, that's typical of the High Council of the Time Lords - know everything, do nothing! DOCTOR: Tell me, why are you so interested in the history of this planet? MASTER: Well, this super-race developed a Doomsday Weapon - it was never used. DOCTOR: Why not? Super-weapons usually are eventually. MASTER: Who knows? Maybe it was due to a...a degeneration of the life strain. DOCTOR: I see. And so the super race became...priests of a lunatic religion worshipping machines instead of gods. MASTER: So it would seem. DOCTOR: Well, may I remind you that their religion embraces sacrifice...and that we are the destined victims? (The MASTER looks thoughtful at this statement...) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. PASSAGE (An ALIEN PRIEST, carrying a staff of office, leads a small procession of Primitives down a passage towards the room in which the DOCTOR and the MASTER are held.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. ARCHIVE ROOM DOCTOR: (Shocked.) You're going to use this weapon? MASTER: Not unless it's absolutely necessary. Well, don't you see, Doctor? The very threat of its use could hold the galaxy to ransom. (The door to the room starts to open.) DOCTOR: I think you've left it a trifle late. MASTER: Doctor, you underrate me. (Out of sight of the beings entering the room, the MASTER shows the DOCTOR a small gas mask and gas bomb he is holding.) DOCTOR: What about me? MASTER: Try holding your breath! (The ALIEN PRIEST gestures with its staff and then walks up to the DOCTOR. The MASTER puts the mask to his face and throws the gas bomb down. The aliens start to choke and collapse. The DOCTOR clamps a handkerchief to his face as the MASTER snatches his laser weapon from a falling Primitive. The DOCTOR and the MASTER run out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. PASSAGE (Outside the room, the DOCTOR coughs into his handkerchief as the two Time Lords move down the corridor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. MAIN DOME. ENTRANCE HALL (MARY ASHE counts off the last of the colonists on a clipboard as they collect their belongings under the eyes of the IMC men and move out of the dome. MORGAN goes up to her.) MORGAN: Is that the last of them? MARY ASHE: Yes, they're all on board now. (MORGAN takes the clipboard off her and looks down the list.) MORGAN: That troublemaker - Winton. MARY ASHE: Well? MORGAN: You've checked him off. I didn't see him. MARY ASHE: (Coldly.) He's been on board some time. He's trying to get the engines working properly. (DENT calls over from near the radio pen.) DENT: Morgan. (MORGAN thrusts the clipboard back at her and goes over to his captain.) DENT: Where's Caldwell? MORGAN: Well, he's keeping out of the way in case he has to see anything unpleasant. DENT: He'll be all right once we've got rid of these people. (ASHE walks into the dome.) ASHE: Mary? (His daughter runs up to him but DENT also joins them.) DENT: Ready to go? ASHE: You're sending us to our deaths. DENT: Oh, nonsense. My engineer checked your spaceship - it's sound enough. ASHE: How are you going to explain to Earth government if something happens to us? DENT: There will be no explanation. Once you're off this planet, you're no longer my concern. ASHE: I think you're forgetting one thing, Captain Dent. DENT: Really? ASHE: I'm the only qualified space pilot left in this colony. Suppose I refuse to blast off? DENT: Then you can sit in your ship till you rot. Try to get out and you'll be shot on the spot. (ASHE nods, puts his arm round MARY and leads her out of the dome.) MORGAN: Suppose they do try to get out. DENT: Put a man with a communicator on that hill overlooking the dome. If they do try to leave the ship, he can call up a security squad. MORGAN: Very well. (They leave the dome.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. PASSAGE (Having recovered from the gas, the DOCTOR and the MASTER run along the dark passages of the city. The DOCTOR stops and waits for the MASTER to catch up. He has a map of the city.) DOCTOR: Which way do we go now? (The MASTER looks at his map and points down a side passage. The DOCTOR starts to run off.) MASTER: Wait, Doctor! (The MASTER has spotted a strange wall marking. He consults his map again.) MASTER: Yes, we're very near to our goal now. You will soon see the most powerful weapon ever created. (He gestures ahead with his laser weapon and they move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. COLONIST'S ROCKET (ASHE and MARY stand within the doorway of the rocket pulling in their final supplies with some IMC men. MORGAN walks up.) MORGAN: Is everyone aboard? ASHE: Yes. MORGAN: Very well. Start your final checkout. (To an IMC man.) Take the buggy back to the ship. (ASHE presses a button and the rocket door closes on them with a hum. The IMC men move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. MAIN DOME. ENTRANCE HALL (DENT stands alone in the deserted dome entrance hall. As he looks round his newly conquered area, he sees something he dislikes and, in an unusual show of emotion, storms over to the wall and tears a crop chart down. MORGAN walks in.) MORGAN: They've just started final check-up. DENT: Have the guards been posted? MORGAN: Yes - and the other guards have returned to the ship. DENT: We'd better get back - just in case. (Screwing up the wall-chart, DENT walks out of the dome, followed by MORGAN. They both fail to spot a figure that comes crawls of hiding at the top of the stairs and watches them go - it is WINTON.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. UXARIEUS (An IMC man - Rogers - keeps watch on the dome and the colonists' rocket from a distance. He raises his binoculars and looks through them at the two structures. He sees no movement. Suddenly, DENT comes through on his radio.) DENT: (OOV: Over radio.) Captain Dent to Security Guard Rogers. Captain Dent to Security Guard Rogers. (ROGERS puts down the binoculars and picks up a small radio.) ROGERS: Receiving you, sir? DENT: (OOV: Over radio.) What's happening there? ROGERS: Not a thing, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. IMC ROCKET. CONTROL ROOM DENT: No attempts to leave the ship, mm? ROGERS: (OOV: Over radio.) No sir. DENT: If anything happens, anything at all, I want to know at once. Captain Dent out. [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. UXARIEUS (Rogers puts the radio down and continues his watch through the binoculars. So intent is he on his task that he fails to see WINTON creeping up behind him through the grey rocks. WINTON is almost upon him when Rogers stands and sees him. WINTON punches him and Rogers falls back into a pool of light grey watery mud. Before he can get to his feet, WINTON jumps down and the two men struggle. They get to their feet but WINTON again punches Rogers into the quagmire. WINTON struggles over to him but Rogers manages to push him off. This time it is Rogers who is first to his feet and he lands WINTON a huge punch, which sends him flying. Rogers jumps on him to finish him off but WINTON manages twice to push Rogers' head below the surface of a pool of white water. The two men, getting exhausted with their struggle get to their feet but WINTON is again the first to land a punch that this time knocks Rogers unconscious.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. IMC ROCKET. CONTROL ROOM (DENT paces the control room impatiently. MORGAN sees this.) MORGAN: Shall I call up the guard again? DENT: Yes. (MORGAN goes over to the radio set. He is about to press the button, when...) DENT: No. Can you get the colonist's ship on video-link? MORGAN: I can try. (MORGAN presses a button and the opaque screen in the center of the room activates and fills with a close-up picture of ASHE in the control room of the colonist's rocket. He wears a headset and microphone.) MORGAN: The best I can do I'm afraid. DENT: Mmm. MORGAN: Their equipment's pretty ropy. DENT: (To the screen.) Ashe? Are you receiving me? Captain Dent speaking. (ASHE turns to his on-board camera.) ASHE: (On monitor, impatiently.) Yes, I'm receiving you. DENT: What's the delay? ASHE: (On monitor.) An electrical fault in our life support system. We're repairing it now. DENT: How much longer? (ASHE looks towards another person who is outside the camera range. He nods and turns back to the camera.) ASHE: (On monitor.) Nearly fixed. We'll start countdown in a few moments. (DENT stares across the room, deliberately avoiding the screen.) DENT: Excellent. (Quietly.) Goodbye Ashe. (MORGAN switches off the screen.) MORGAN: Do you think he means it? DENT: What else can he do? [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. UXARIEUS (The IMC buggy carrying CALDWELL and JO - now in the passengers' seat - drives up to the upturned buggy abandoned by the DOCTOR and the MASTER. They stop and run over to examine the vehicle.) JO: Do you think they were hurt? CALDWELL: They must have been thrown clear. JO: Or else they've gone ahead on foot. (They are interrupted by a roaring noise. They turn and look in the direction the sound is coming from.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. MAIN DOME (The engines of the colonist's rocket fire and the sleek craft starts to rise off its launch pad.) CALDWELL: (OOV.) It's the colonist's spaceship! [SCENE_BREAK] 21: EXT. UXARIEUS CALDWELL: They've made it! (They smile in delight but the rocket is hardly into the sky when it is rent by a huge blast and explodes into pieces. JO buries herself in CALDWELL and he closes his eyes against the flare of the blast. JO turns and looks.) JO: (Distraught.) All those people... (She walks off. CALDWELL is overcome with guilt and emotion and tears appear in his eyes.) CALDWELL: (To himself.) And I told them the motors were all right. [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The door to the control room opens and the DOCTOR is led in at the MASTER'S gunpoint. The MASTER looks round in satisfaction.) MASTER: Wait, Doctor. This is it. DOCTOR: Is it? Well where is this super weapon of yours. MASTER: We're in the heart of it. It stretches for miles all round us. Look, let me try and explain how it works. (The MASTER goes over to a console. He puts down his map, which also seems to have other instructions, which he consults.) MASTER: Yes. (He presses a control and, on the other side of the room, behind the DOCTOR, a screen, which seems to be made out of the same material as the doors, slides upwards. Behind it is displayed a large monitor on which is displayed a star-scape.) MASTER: Look! (The image closes in on one star.) MASTER: That, Doctor, is the sun that gives life to the planet Earth that you hold in such affection. DOCTOR: I do know a little basic astronomy. MASTER: Then you will know that, one day, that sun will burn through to its core and explode. DOCTOR: In about ten thousand million years time, yes. MASTER: Well, with this weapon, I could make that happen now! DOCTOR: That's unbelievable! MASTER: You know the Crab Nebula? DOCTOR: The cloud of cosmic matter that was once a sun, of course. MASTER: That was the result of the super race testing this weapon! (The DOCTOR starts to look concerned.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: EXT. PRIMITIVE CITY ENTRANCE (JO and CALDWELL'S buggy speeds into the gully and up to the closed entrance to the city. It stops.) JO: Well, this it. (CALDWELL stops the engine and gets out of the buggy. He goes up to the door and tries to pull it open but fails.) CALDWELL: How do we get in? JO: I don't know. The Doctor and I were taken in. There must be some way of opening it? (CALDWELL tries again on both side of the door but is just as unsuccessful. He turns back to JO.) CALDWELL: Beats me. We'll have to find another entrance. (Behind him, the doorway starts to creak open.) JO: Look! (CALDWELL reacts instantly, rushing to hide out of view. From within the city, an armed PRIMITIVE emerges. It sees JO and walks towards her, its spear raised. CALDWELL jumps out of hiding and clubs the PRIMITIVE to the ground. JO dashes out of the buggy and runs into the city whilst CALDWELL holds the closing door open. He then follows JO inside and the door closes as the PRIMITIVE starts to recover from the blow.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. PASSAGE (JO and CALDWELL make their way down a passage. CALDWELL has his gun raised. JO looks round and then points down a side passage.) JO: I think it's this way, let's try. (They move off in the indicated direction. After they have gone, a Primitive appears at the other end of the passage.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. CONTROL ROOM DOCTOR: So, you intend to hold the universe to ransom? (The MASTER walks over to him, his laser gun lowered.) MASTER: Doctor, why don't you come in with me? We're both Time Lords, we're both renegades. We could be masters of the galaxy! Think of it, Doctor. (The DOCTOR starts to scratch his chin, looking as if he is pondering the offer.) MASTER: Absolute power! Power for good. Why, you could reign benevolently, you could end wars, suffering, disease. We could save the universe. (The DOCTOR'S face clears.) DOCTOR: No, absolute power is evil. (The MASTER raises his gun.) MASTER: Consider carefully, Doctor. I'm offering you a half-share in the universe. [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. PASSAGE (CALDWELL and JO run down the passage which is intersected by buttresses.) CALDWELL: Well? JO: I don't know. CALDWELL: We're lost. JO: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. MAIN DOME. ENTRANCE HALL (MORGAN stands in ASHE'S old office, looking at a clipboard hung on a wall. DENT enters.) DENT: Morgan, where's Caldwell? None of the other miners have seen him. (He sits at ASHE'S desk.) MORGAN: One of the guards saw him leaving the dome in a space buggy. He was heading for the Primitive City. DENT: Take a squad and get after him. MORGAN: Is he worth the trouble? DENT: Caldwell's our mining expert and don't you forget it. We can't do without him. MORGAN: What about that Doctor and the fake Adjudicator? DENT: The only one we need is Caldwell. MORGAN: There will be trouble about those colonists, you know. DENT: We offered to check their ship to make sure it was safe. They refused our help. It's all in my report. MORGAN: Of course. (MORGAN smiles and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. CONTROL ROOM MASTER: You must see reason, Doctor. DOCTOR: No, I will not join you in your absurd dreams of a galactic conquest. MASTER: (Exasperated.) Why? Why?! Look at this... (The MASTER returns to the console and adjusts the view on the monitor. It expands to show numerous star fields.) MASTER: Look at all those planetary systems, Doctor. We could rule them all! DOCTOR: What for? What is the point? MASTER: The point is that one must rule or serve - that's a basic law of life! Why do you hesitate, Doctor? Surely it's not loyalty to the Time Lords, who exiled you on one insignificant planet? DOCTOR: You'll never understand, will you? I want to see the universe - not rule it! MASTER: Then I'm very sorry, Doctor! (He raises his laser gun and takes aim. Suddenly, the panel over the sacrificial hatch starts to rise and the GUARDIAN is revealed again.) MASTER: What's happening? DOCTOR: Wait and see! (The GUARDIAN'S chair structure moves out from the alcove.) MASTER: (To the DOCTOR.) What is it? DOCTOR: The ultimate development of life on this planet. GUARDIAN: (To the DOCTOR.) Why have you returned? (The GUARDIAN looks at the MASTER.) GUARDIAN: What do you want here? MASTER: I want to restore this city and this planet to their former glory. DOCTOR: Don't listen to him, sir. MASTER: (Passionately.) You have here a wonderful weapon! Why with it you could bring good and peace to every world in the galaxy! DOCTOR: On the contrary, he'll bring only death and destruction. MASTER: This planet of yours could be the center of a mighty empire! The greatest that the cosmos has ever known! DOCTOR: Tell me, sir, has this weapon of yours ever brought good to your planet? GUARDIAN: Once the weapon was built, our race began to decay. The radiation from the weapon's power source poisoned the soil of our planet. DOCTOR: Exactly. The weapon has only brought death - and yet he wants to spread that death throughout the galaxy! Unless you destroy this weapon, sir, he will use it for evil. MASTER: (Shouts.) No! You must be mad! Why with this, we could control every galaxy in the cosmos! We could be gods! GUARDIAN: You are not fit to be a god. I sense...that if you have control of this weapon, you will bring only unhappiness and destruction to the entire universe. MASTER: Then die! (He points his laser weapon at the GUARDIAN but before he can use it, the device disappears into thin air. The MASTER is dumbfounded.) GUARDIAN: (To the DOCTOR.) There is a self-destructor mechanism. You will please operate it. DOCTOR: Not only does justice prevail on your planet, sir, but also infinite compassion. (The DOCTOR goes over to a console and touches a device, looking at the GUARDIAN for confirmation. It shakes its head. The DOCTOR touches a lever and the GUARDIAN nods. The DOCTOR pulls the lever. Immediately, the room starts to shake and the rumble of power builds up.) GUARDIAN: You must leave at once, or you will be destroyed with the city! (The MASTER needs no second bidding and makes a dash for the door. The DOCTOR follows but stops briefly.) DOCTOR: Thank you, sir. (He runs out. Behind him, the GUARDIAN starts to thresh in its chair as the power within the weapon starts to go out of control.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. PASSAGE (In the passages, the Primitives and PRIESTS stumble about, as if the weapon and its power are a very part of their being. They all seem to be heading towards the control room. The MASTER runs past them, but the DOCTOR hesitates to shout a warning...) DOCTOR: Come back, you'll all be killed! [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT PRIMITIVE CITY. ANOTHER PASSAGE MASTER: (To the DOCTOR.) Come on! Do you want to die with them?! (The DOCTOR runs after the MASTER and they both run into JO and CALDWELL at the other end of the shaking passage.) DOCTOR: Jo, what are you doing here?! JO: Looking for you! DOCTOR: We've got to get out of here at once! The whole place is going up! (To the MASTER.) You had a map - give it to me. MASTER: You fend for yourself! (He tries to make off but CALDWELL grabs him and holds his gun up to him.) CALDWELL: Help that man! (The DOCTOR pulls the map out of the MASTER'S pocket, consults it and looks round.) DOCTOR: I think this is it, come on. (He moves off through a small opening in the rock wall, followed by JO, the MASTER and CALDWELL.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: EXT. PRIMITIVE CITY EXIT (They emerge from a small round opening at the base of a cliff, which appears to be another way out of the city. The sound of the rising power can still be heard. They all dash for safety just as an enormous explosion bursts out of the opening. The DOCTOR and JO have made safety behind a rock and the MASTER and CALDWELL do the same just as their is a second cataclysmic explosion which brings part of the rock face down across the opening. The immediate danger over, the MASTER makes a grab for CALDWELL'S gun but he fends him off and points the gun at him. They are suddenly startled by a voice.) MORGAN: Get up! All of you, get up! (It is MORGAN and an armed squad of IMC guards.) MORGAN: Caldwell, come over here. (MORGAN runs over and joins them as the DOCTOR and JO rise out from behind their rock. The MASTER assumes the countenance of the Adjudicator and walks over to the IMC men.) MASTER: You've arrived just in time. Put these people under arrest. MORGAN: Get back to your friends. MASTER: You don't understand. I am the Adjudicator. MORGAN: You're an imposter. We don't need you. (The MASTER looks startled and joins the DOCTOR and JO.) MASTER: You've got to do something, Doctor. They're going to kill you! (CALDWELL sees that the MASTER'S statement is all too true.) CALDWELL: Morgan, you can't! (MORGAN turns his gun on CALDWELL.) MORGAN: Shut up, Caldwell. If we didn't need you, you'd be over with them! CALDWELL: You're insane. WINTON: Drop those guns! (MORGAN spins round. WINTON - and a fully armed line of colonists stand on a ridge above them. MORGAN immediately fires.) MORGAN: Take cover! (The DOCTOR, JO and the MASTER run for cover along with the IMC men. Again, a furious gun battle erupts between the two sides. One IMC man is hurt and is soon followed by a colonist. Another colonist soon falls but they have the advantageous position and WINTON is able to dispatch MORGAN. The MASTER uses the diversion as an opportunity and sneaks away unseen from the battle. The IMC men start to run out of ammunition and one makes a break for it. The MASTER drives off in an IMC buggy. WINTON sees that few IMC men are left alive. He stops his own men firing and calls out to their opponents.) WINTON: Surrender the rest of you - you won't be killed. (The two IMC men left alive take his good advice, drop their weapons and walk forward, arms raised. The colonists rush down the slope to take them prisoner. JO looks behind them and sees who's missing.) JO: The Master - he's gone! (She and the DOCTOR rush off. The colonists search the IMC men for concealed weapons as the DOCTOR and JO climb into another buggy and drive off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. MASTER'S TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The MASTER runs into his TARDIS, closes the doors and switches on the scanner. On it he sees the DOCTOR and JO approaching in the buggy. He moves back to the console and starts the dematerialization sequence.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: EXT. UXARIEUS (The DOCTOR stops the buggy and points.) DOCTOR: Look! (The red Adjudicator rocket vanishes into thin air with the normal take-off sound of a TARDIS.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. MAIN DOME. ASHE'S OFFICE (Later, WINTON sits behind ASHE'S desk as he confers with the DOCTOR and JO.) DOCTOR: Now look, stop worrying. It was the radiation from that weapon that was poisoning the soil. Your cover crops will grow now. WINTON: Yes, well...let's hope you're right. JO: You know, I still don't understand why you weren't in that ship when it blew up? WINTON: Well, we knew the IMC would have to get clear before we blasted off. I hid in the dome; I...knocked out the guard and let the others out. JO: Yes, but it took off and blew up - I saw it. (WINTON looks guiltily at the DOCTOR who guesses the answer.) DOCTOR: Ashe? WINTON: He took it up alone. JO: But he must have known! WINTON: The rocket had to take off! It was the only way that we could get IMC out of the way. DOCTOR: And Ashe insisted on staying on board? (WINTON nods, a pained look on his face.) DOCTOR: Yes, yes, he would, of course. (A colonist calls out from outside ASHE'S office.) COLONIST: (OOV: In entrance hall.) Doctor, there's something here for you! (The DOCTOR and JO run outside, followed by WINTON.) [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. MAIN DOME. ENTRANCE HALL (Outside, two colonists stand before a familiar looking object.) JO: The TARDIS! DOCTOR: (To WINTON.) My dear chap, this is absolutely splendid! Where did you find it? WINTON: In one of the dwellings a few miles from the dome. There was a lot of stuff there that the Primitives have stolen. DOCTOR: Well I cannot tell you how grateful I am. WINTON: Doctor, what is it? DOCTOR: (Nervously.) What is it? Well, erm, it's, err...it's a sort of antique really. Err, but err, it does have great sentimental value. Will you excuse us? WINTON: Yes, of course. (He spots MARY ASHE over the other side of the hall and goes over to her.) WINTON: Mary? (The DOCTOR points to the TARDIS and then gives a goodbye wave to a delighted JO to indicate that they should leave. She and the DOCTOR go inside the TARDIS as CALDWELL comes out of the radio pen and joins WINTON and MARY.) CALDWELL: We've had a reply from Earth. They're sending an Adjudicator. WINTON: A genuine one, I hope? CALDWELL: This time, yes. WINTON: What about you, Caldwell? You're finished with IMC. You can never go back to Earth. CALDWELL: I don't think I want to. MARY ASHE: You want to stay here? CALDWELL: Well, if you've a place for an out-of-work miner, yes. WINTON: (Smiles.) All right. We'd be glad to have you. (CALDWELL looks at the chart that WINTON is holding.) CALDWELL: Well, for a start, I can help you with your power... (They are interrupted by the sound of the TARDIS engines. They spin round and see the police box vanish. They look at each other in amazement.) [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. UNIT HQ. LABORATORY (The BRIGADIER stands in the DOCTOR'S laboratory.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Doctor...come back at once! (...and, as if on cue, the TARDIS materializes.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Smiles.) Come on out, Doctor. (The door opens and JO and the DOCTOR step out.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, that was a short trip. You'll never get that thing working properly. (The BRIGADIER crosses the lab and picks up a report that he brought in with him.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, you were right about that report, I'm afraid. It wasn't the Master after all. JO: (To the DOCTOR, puzzled.) He's talking as if we'd never been away. DOCTOR: As far as he's concerned, we haven't. The TARDIS returned to Earth just a few seconds after it left. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What are you two talking about? DOCTOR: Don't try and explain Jo. He'd never understand. (They smile at each other.)

The Doctor and the Master are taken into the Primitive city, where the Master hopes to find the doomsday weapon, while Dent forces the colonists to leave the planet even though their ship is likely to explode.

fd_Charmed_03x03

fd_Charmed_03x03_0

[Scene: P3. The club is full of people. Piper is at the bar. Leo walks up to her. She smiles.] Piper: I knew you'd come back. Leo: Piper... Piper: Phoebe was worried, Prue was a wreck, but I knew you'd find a way. Leo: We need to talk. Piper: Leo, you haven't kissed me in over a week. Don't you think maybe that takes priority? (She walks around the bar and kisses Leo.) Leo: I came to say goodbye. Piper: What? Leo: They told us to break up. They caught us trying to get married. Piper: So we won't get married, we'll wait. Leo: (his voice echoing) It's too late, we broke the rules and now they won't let us see each other again. Piper: Wait a minute, they won't what? Leo: I don't care what they do to me but I couldn't bare anything happening to you. I shouldn't even be here right now. (He starts backing away.) Piper: Wait a minute, Leo, I can't here you. What are you saying? Leo: You have to forget about me. Piper: No. (Leo mouths "I love you" to her. He orbs out and everyone dancing stops and looks at Piper.) Leo. Leo! (Prue runs over to Piper and shakes her.) Prue: Piper. Piper, wake up. Piper. [Cut to Piper's bedroom. Prue's there trying to wake Piper up. Piper sits up.) Piper: Leo's not coming back. Prue: Honey, it was just a bad dream. (Piper starts crying.) Piper: No, it wasn't, it was real. I don't understand why they are doing this to us? It's like destroying lives is how they amuse themselves. Prue: Piper, watch what you say. Piper: Why? What are they gonna do to me? They couldn't hurt me more then they already have. (They hug.) [Cut to Phoebe in Prue's car. She has the stereo up loud. Her phone rings and she answers it.] Phoebe: Don't you just love cell phones? Prue: Hey, uh, it's me. Phoebe: It's amazing how much stress you can project with so few words, Prue. I will have your precious car home momentarily. Prue: Phoebe, I am not calling about the car, I'm calling about Piper. Look, um, she had this dream about Leo and maybe I'm overreacting but I've never seen her like this. It-it's like she's completely given up. Phoebe: What kind of dream about Leoooo! (She slams on the brakes to avoid a little girl standing on the road.) I'm fine, car's fine. I'll see you later. Bye. (She hangs up, gets out of the car and runs over to the girl. She is clutching onto a small box.) Hi, are you okay? Girl: You can't have it, leave me alone, I won't give it to you, leave me alone! (Phoebe looks to see what she is yelling at but sees nothing. The girl runs away and Phoebe runs after her. The girl trips over. She hears voices and something invisible scratches her arm. She screams. Phoebe kneels down next to her and holds her.) Phoebe: It's okay, it's okay. You're safe. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe and the girl (Kate) are there. Kate's sitting at the table still holding the box. Phoebe places a cup hot chocolate and a plate of cookies on the table.] Phoebe: Okay, you just have to be very careful because it's hot, so blow on it, okay? (Prue and Piper stand at the doorway.) Prue: Hey, did you find out anything more from her? Phoebe: Name rank and serial number. Piper: Uh, her parents are on their way, they live up the street. (to Kate) They were very worried about you. Phoebe: I gotta go to the car and get her jacket. (She walks over to the key hook.) Uh, keys? Prue: What? Phoebe: You know, silver shiny things that go jingle jingle. Prue: I don't have them. Phoebe: That's so weird. I put them up here. Kate: The fairies probably hid them. Phoebe: What was that? Kate: Sorry, I'm not supposed to talk about fairies. Phoebe: Um, you know what? In this house you can talk about anything you want. Sometimes we talk about weird things too. Kate: Well, that's what fairies do. Hide your keys and things. They're tricky like that. Phoebe: Um, is that what's in that box? Is it a fairy? Is that who you're protecting? (The doorbell rings. Prue goes to answer it.) Piper: That's probably your mum and your dad. Kate: He's not my dad. He's just my mum's new husband. [Cut to the foyer. Prue opens the door.] Kate's Mum: Hi, we're Kate's parents. Kate's Step dad: Is she alright? Prue: Yeah, she's fine. I mean, she scraped her arm a little bit but mostly she's just scared. (Piper, Phoebe and Kate walk in the foyer.) Kate's Step Dad: Kate. Kate: Get out of the doorway. Kate's Mum: Kate... Kate: It stays in the tween, get out of the in between. Phoebe: What's an in between? Kate: It's where the trolls are. Kate's Mum: Honey, we've had this conversation before. You're a big girl and it's time to stop believing in things like that. She's had some problems since her father and I divorced. Regressed sort of back to the imaginary friend stage. Kate's Step Dad: Look, uh, we should go, it's late. Thank you again for everything. Kate: They'll get us. Kate's Step Dad: I won't let them. It's okay. (He picks up Kate and she sees a troll hanging onto the door frame.) Kate: Look, there it is. (Kate's step dad carries her outside.) Kate's Mum: Thank you. Prue: Your welcome. (She leaves.) [Time lapse. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are in the kitchen. Piper's making some coffee.] Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff. Phoebe: Sure, why not? Piper: Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa. Phoebe: All I know is something was definitely after her. Piper: But you didn't see anything? Phoebe: No, but how else did she get hurt? Piper: How about she fell down and scratched herself. Phoebe: No, Piper, they weren't scratches, they were claw marks. Piper: If they were, you would've seen what had clawed her. Why are you being so stubborn about this? Phoebe: Because I'm a Scorpio. What's your excuse? Prue: Okay, so it's kind of late and, um, we're all a bit tired so how about we finish up tomorrow? Phoebe: Now look what you did. You went and turned Prue into the middle child. Piper: Okay, Phoebe, even if fairies and trolls do exist, you heard what her mum said, the problems started when her father left. That's psychology not magic. Phoebe: I know. But you know what? I'm gonna check the Book Of Shadows just incase. 'Cause I don't wanna be out stubborned by a Gemini. [Scene: Kate's house. Kate's room. Kate's mum kisses her goodnight. She goes to turn off the light but Kate stops her.] Kate: No, don't! The tweens, they come out of the shadows. Kate's Mum: Honey, just go to sleep, okay. (She turns off the light and closes the door. Kate sits on her bed still holding onto the box.) Kate: Please, go away. (She hears noises.) Leave us alone. (Things move around in her bedroom. The door opens and she screams.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe's sitting on the floor reading a book. Prue walks in.] Prue: Hey. (Phoebe picks up some drawings.) Phoebe: Check this out. (Prue looks at the drawings. They are drawings of fairies and trolls.) We each drew one. Prue: Lily. Phoebe: Do you remember her? She was our little imaginary friend we had when we were kids. Prue: I have not thought about Lily in years. Phoebe: That's because you grew up and you stopped seeing her. Okay... (She reads from the book.) Fairies, elves and trolls are mystical creatures that live in a realm parallel to ours but separated by a thin vell. (Prue looks at the cover of the book.) Prue: "The Enchanted Realm"? Phoebe: A thin vell which lives only in tween places. Tween places, Prue. That's like a realm in between two things. Like doorways and windows, um, shadows. Prue: Shadows? Phoebe: In between light and dark. And it's exactly what Kate said. Trolls live in the in between. Prue: Right, but when you found Kate she wasn't in an in between. Phoebe: Actually, she was in the biggest in between of all. Midnight. In the hour between night and day, the world itself becomes a tween. Prue: Okay, so why isn't there anything in the Book Of Shadows? Phoebe: Because the Book Of Shadows was written by adults. And I'm assuming that scary dude in your picture is a troll. Prue: So then why is he trying to hurt Kate? Phoebe: I don't know, we have to ask Kate. And we will fill Piper in on the way. (The phone rings.) Prue: You know, maybe we should do this one on our own. You know, I mean, Piper's kind of out of it. Phoebe: Even more reason to drag her along. Take her mind off of Leo. Piper: (from downstairs) Phoebe, phone. (Phoebe runs downstairs holding onto the drawings.) It's your little lawyer boyfriend. (Phoebe hands her the drawings and Piper hands her the phone.) Phoebe: So there. And he is not my boyfriend. Piper: Weird. (Piper walks away.) Phoebe: (into the phone) Hello? Cole: Who's not your boyfriend? Phoebe: Um... the mailman. Uh, yeah, sometimes Piper likes to tease me because I like to get the mail a lot. So, how are you? Cole: Well, it's a beautiful morning and I got a beautiful woman on the phone, so things could be worse. God, I sound like Billy Appleby. Phoebe: What? Cole: Nothing. Phoebe: No, wait, what did you just say? [Cut to Cole in his office. He has some information about Phoebe written on a sheet of paper.] Cole: Billy Appleby's just this guy from this old movie I watched too much when I was a kid. (He points to a highlighted sentence on the sheet of paper.) Phoebe/Cole: "Kill It Before It Dies". Cole: You've seen it? Phoebe: Once or twice. Cole: Really? Too bad it's not playing, I'd take you to see it. [Cut back to Phoebe. She mouths "I love you" to the phone.] Cole: Of course we could always have dinner instead. Phoebe: Are you asking me out, Councilor? [Cut back to Cole.] Cole: Guilty. (He turns the page to show a map of the manor and where the Book Of Shadows is.) How about tonight? I could stop by your place. [Cut back to Phoebe. Prue comes down the stairs.] Phoebe: Uh, really, uh, well... (Piper puts on her coat. Prue motions Phoebe to hurry.) Um, actually tonight's not good because Piper's going through something but I will call you and maybe we can meet at the club. (Prue snatches the phone off of Phoebe.) Sorry, bye. (Piper grabs her keys and Prue and Phoebe stand in front of her.) Did you not look at those drawings? Piper: They're cute, yes. Phoebe: Cute? Cute? We all had the same invisible fairy friend, Piper. That is proof that fairies exist. (Piper tries to walk around them but they don't let her.) Piper: Or it proves that one of us had a really fertile imagination and the other two were really big copycats. Prue: Okay, Piper, honey, just listen to me, okay. Um, we think that Kate is in trouble, our kind of trouble. Piper: Okay, well, I don't. And after what they did to Leo, I'm not really all that motivated to go dig up demons. Phoebe: Trolls. Piper: Whatever. Look, you guys can do whatever you want but I've had it and I'm done. Prue: What does that mean? Piper: It means that the "powers that be" haven't done anything but ruin my life so therefore I'm not gonna do anything for them anymore, okay. I'm going now, excuse me, I'm going now. (She pushes past them and leaves.) Phoebe: I think she's on strike. [Scene: Kate's house. Kate's room. She is drawing pictures of the trolls. There is a knock on the door and her step dad walks in.] Kate's Step Dad: Kate, someone's here to see you. (Prue and Phoebe walk in. Prue's holding the drawings.) Prue: Hey, so, um, we brought you your jacket. We had to use the spare key to get into the car though. I guess the fairies hid them after all. Kate: Told you. Phoebe: What are you drawing? That looks like a very scary cave. Prue: You know, that looks a lot like mine. (She shows her the drawing.) Kate: That's a fairy and a troll. My mum says I'm making them up but I'm not. Prue: Well, we believe you. Okay, we just need you to tell us everything you know so that we can help. Kate: I don't know that much. Thistle's kind of hard to understand. Fairies don't talk the same way people do. Phoebe: Thistle? Kate: I saved her. See, the fairies are the bosses of the enchanted kingdom but the trolls thought they were the bosses, so they kidnapped Thistle from the king and queen of the fairies. Phoebe: So Thistle is a princess? Kate: Mmm hmm. But the trolls are gonna kill her unless her parents hand over the kingdom. Phoebe: It's a miniature kudatar. Kate: But I found her tied up in the cave and I saved her. Prue: That was very brave of you. Kate: But now the trolls hate me because I won't give her back. Most of the times I can stay out of the in betweens but at midnight... Phoebe: There's no place to hide. Yeah, I know. Prue: Can we see her? Kate: No, only children can see fairies. Phoebe: Well, I don't know if this is gonna help but Prue and I are very in touch with our inner children. Prue: Can we at least try? Kate: We'll have to go into an in between. Watch out for trolls. Prue: Okay. (Kate unlocks the box with a key hanging around her neck. She sits the box on the window sill, looks around and then opens the lid of the box. They don't see her and Prue shakes her head. Kate shuts the lid.) Kate: I can't help if you can't see her. (She holds the box close to her ear and listens.) Thistle says that if you really believe in fairies, there's something that'll make you innocent again so you can see them. (Kate opens the lid, grabs a handful of fairy dust and throws it on Prue and Phoebe. Phoebe bursts out laughing.) I think it worked. Prue: (in a childish voice) I wanna see the fairy. (Kate opens the lid again and a little pink fairy flies out of the box. They stare at it with their eyes wide and mouths open.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. The place is nearly empty. People are leaving. Prue and Phoebe, acting like children, are on stage singing songs. Piper walks down the stairs and is shocked by what she sees.] Piper: Oh my God. Prue/Phoebe: (singing) "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. If you're happy and you know it pat your knee. (They pat their knee) If you're happy and you know it pat your knee." Phoebe: (to the people watching) You guys have got to do it. (Prue and Phoebe continue singing. Piper walks up to Abby.) Piper: What the hell is going on? Abby: You think this is bad? You should've been here for Frere Jacque. They've been acting like kids since they got here. I didn't serve them, I swear. Piper: Alright, put on some music, any music and kill that microphone. (Piper walks over to Prue and Phoebe.) Phoebe: Hi. Piper: Hi. Lost your minds? Prue: Piper, we have been waiting and waiting and waiting... Phoebe: Yeah, and you know what we did? We saw a fairy and she was very cute and she was sparkly and she was really, really pretty. (Piper freezes everyone.) Piper: Okay, what ass-backward spell did you guys cast? Prue: We-we-we didn't cast a spell. Phoebe: No, it is true, we did not use a spell but we did use fairy dust. Piper: Fairy dust? Phoebe: Yep. Piper: Okay, great, so you can go home now and reverse it, Tinkerbell. Phoebe: No, no, no. No, I am not a fairy. She thought I was a... We have to show her. Okay. (Phoebe pulls a small pouch out of her pocket and they get a pinch of fairy dust out of it.) Prue: Ready? Okay, go. Phoebe: One, two, three. (They throw the fairy dust in Piper's face and she sneezes.) Piper: What the hell did you do that for? Phoebe: Dat did not work. Piper: No. Work, that's a very good idea. I'm gonna get back to work now. (She unfreezes everyone and walks away. Prue and Phoebe follow her.) Phoebe: Oh, you know what? You are being a big, big, big, extra, extra, extra, double big jerk right now. (A strand of hair is on Prue's face and she tries to grab it with her tongue.) Because now I have the key, (she shows her the key hanging around her neck) so Thistle is safe and we have to be back with Kate at midnight so when the trolls attack... Piper: No. You guys are going home and you're not driving either 'cause someone will think you're drunk or something. So go outside and wait there and I will call a cab. Prue: Oh... Piper: Shh shh, no. (Phoebe plays with the zipper on her jacket. Prue starts whining.) Prue: Why are you being so meeeaan? Piper: Because I don't want you to... (Phoebe hugs her.) Stop it. (Phoebe kisses her on the cheek.) You're trying to trick me into ending my strike. (Prue hugs her as well.) And it's not gonna work. You guys go home. Scoot. Go home. Scoot. And you go home and you reverse this ridiculous behaviour. (They let go of her and walk towards the door. They turn around and stick their tongues out at Piper. They walk through the doorway and Phoebe dodges a troll. They jump on the ground.) Prue: Are you okay? Phoebe: Yeah. Trolls. They must know that we have to key now. Prue: Okay, they're very scary but they're gonna come after us instead of Kate at midnight so alls we have to do is go home and wait for them. Phoebe: Okay. [Cut back inside P3. Piper finds Leo's Valentines Day card from the episode "Animal Pragmatism" under the cash register. She looks at it and then puts it back under the register.] [Scene: Manor. Prue and Phoebe are running through the house.] Phoebe: Geez, Louise, there are too many doorways in this house. Prue: Okay, we have to call Kate on the walkie-talkies, okay? (They start up the stairs but stop when the doorbell rings.) Oh, do you think the trolls know about doorbells? Phoebe: I don't know. (They cautiously walk up to the door. Phoebe opens it and Cole's there bent over at the waist.) Cooooole! (He stands up.) Cole: Hey, you're home. Phoebe: Yes. (Phoebe leans forward near the doorway.) Prue: Ooh, ooh, tween! Phoebe: Um, excuse me, but you were not supposed to meet me here, you were supposed to meet me at the club, 'member? Cole: Was that the plan? Phoebe: Yes, that was the plan. Cole: Sorry, long day. Prue: 'Kay, bye, close the door behind you. Phoebe: Bye. Prue: Bye. (They run off.) Cole: Um... (They stop and back into each other.) It's a long drive home. Do you think I could use your rest room? Phoebe: Number 1 or number 2? (Prue laughs.) Prue: He has to go tootie. Cole: Excuse me? Phoebe: Okay, you can come in but you have to do it very fast whatever it is. [Time lapse. Cole walks in the bathroom. He locks the door. He disappears and reappears in the attic. He sees the Book Of Shadows.] [Cut back to Phoebe and Prue. They are standing in the hallway. Prue is holding a walkie-talkie.] Prue: Kate, Kate, come in, it's Pwue. [Cut to Kate's. She is standing in her room clutching onto the box looking very frightened. She can hear the trolls.] Phoebe: Kate, are you there? Kate: Prue, where are you? Prue: We're at home. The dust didn't work on Piper. Kate: Then she doesn't believe. What are we gonna do? I'm scared, there's shadows everywhere and it's almost midnight. Phoebe: Okay, listen, Kate, okay, you don't have to worry, that's what we called to tell you because the trolls know that we have the key now, so they're not after you anymore, they're after us. Kate: No, they're here too, I can hear them. Prue: As long as we have the key, Thistle is safe. So, just stay there, and-and-and turn on all the lights [Cut back to Prue and Phoebe] and it'll disappear the shadows. Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. [Cut back to the attic. Cole reaches for the Book Of Shadows but it flies off its stand and onto the floor. Cole turns into a demon. (Soon known as Belthazor.) He reaches for the book again and it moves along the floor. He groans.] [Cut back to Prue and Phoebe. They hear the groan.] Phoebe: Trolls. Prue: Let's go get 'em. [Cut to the attic. Prue and Phoebe barge in.] Prue/Phoebe: Hiiiyahh! (Phoebe turns on the light and they see the demon. He disappears.) Phoebe: Pwue, that was a very, very big troll. Prue: That wasn't a troll, that was a demon. Phoebe: Okay, well, where does that fit into this story? Prue: He was after the Book Of Shadows. Phoebe: Alright, well, you know we can't really worry about him now 'cause we have to get to Kate. (Phoebe stands in the doorway and a troll's there.) Prue: Oh, Phoebe! (The troll jumps down Phoebe's shirt.) Phoebe! (Prue tackles Phoebe. The troll jumps out of Phoebe's shirt. Prue and Phoebe fall down the stairs and land on the second floor.) Phoebe: (now an adult) Prue, they got the key. (Cole walks out of the bathroom.) Cole: Phoebe... Are you two okay? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Prue, Phoebe and Cole are walking down the stairs.] Prue: You know what? Can you just go? I'm really sorry to rush you out but we have something very important to be taken care of. (They head towards the door.) Cole: But you sure you're okay? I mean, that sounded like a pretty nasty fall. Phoebe: Yeah, Cole, we're fine really. Cole: You two seem different. Phoebe: Different? Cole: I mean, I thought you were, I don't know, drunk or something before but now you seem... Prue: Sober. Stairs can be sobering. Phoebe: Right. Okay, um, I'm really sorry about plans there, Cole, I really am. (She opens the door.) Cole: No worries. I'll keep trying. (He leaves and Phoebe closes the door.) Phoebe: Stairs can be sobering? Prue: Okay, what was I supposed to say? That some unknown demon came in to try and steal our magic book and then little trolls came and pushed us down the stairs? Phoebe: Right, okay, but why are we thinking like grown ups all of a sudden? Prue: I don't know, it must've been from the trauma of the attack. Which is probably a really good thing because I don't really think our inner children would've had much luck protecting Kate. Phoebe: And now that the trolls have the key we really need to go protect Kate. (Phoebe opens the door and Prue heads upstairs.) Uh, hello, Prue? (She shuts the door and follows Prue.) [Cut to the attic. Prue and Phoebe walk in.] Phoebe: Okay, I don't understand why we just don't get to Kate. Prue: Because with the dust warn off we won't be able to see the trolls. (Prue walks over to the Book Of Shadows and flips through the pages.) Phoebe: Okay, well, I already looked in the Book Of Shadows and there's nothing in there about trolls. Prue: I know, I'm thinking of piecing together a make shift spell like here. (She finds a spell in the book.) Um, to see what can't be seen. If we combine that one with the one to cultivate innocence and the power of three spell it just might work. Phoebe: That's why you're the oldest sister, you are always thinking. Prue: Thank you. Alright, uh, I'll work on the spell, why don't you go call Piper. Phoebe: Okay. Um, what's the point of that? Isn't she still on the picket line? Prue: Yeah, but we can't fight the trolls without her, I mean, they're just too fast, we need her to freeze them. You know, maybe we wanted her to be with us before but now we actually need her. Phoebe: Okay. (She heads towards the door.) Prue: Uh, hey, watch out for doorways and stuff because now that the trolls know that we're helping Kate, they'll do everything they can to stop all three of us. Phoebe: Mmm hmm. (Phoebe runs through the doorway quickly.) [Scene: P3. Piper places some wine glasses on a tray and walks towards the bar. The trolls trip Piper who drops the tray. She bends down and picks up the glass. Piper cuts her finger on the glass.] Piper: Ow! (Abby walks up to Piper holding the phone.) Abby: Hey, Piper, your sister's... (she sees the mess) on the phone. Piper: Perfect. (She takes the phone. Abby helps clean up the mess.) It's okay, I'll get it, I'll get it, it's alright. (Piper walks up to the bar and wraps a napkin around her finger.) (in the phone) You need a diaper change? Phoebe: Very funny. Look, we need you to come home right away by midnight or else... Piper: The tooth fairy's gonna come and harass us all for not flossing? Phoebe: Alright, I know you don't believe in fairy's and I'm not asking you to... Piper: Then what are you asking? Phoebe: We were trying to distract you before, we were trying to take your mind off of Leo, okay. And it was wrong and I'm sorry for that but it's not about that anymore, Piper. We are up against something that we can not fight without you. Piper: Trolls. Phoebe: Believe it or don't but they are sneaky and mean and they are trying to hurt a seven year old girl. (Piper looks around the club.) Hello? Piper: Any chance they may have been here? Phoebe: Yeah, one attacked me there earlier. Why? Piper: Nothing. Phoebe: Alright, look, they know that we're witches and they will do anything to stop us from helping Kate. Piper: Alright, I'm on my way. Phoebe: Okay, well, don't forget to stay out of the... (Piper hangs up.) [Cut to Phoebe] Tween places. [Cut back to Piper. She grabs her purse and looks for her keys.] Piper: Abby, have you seen my keys? Abby: Aren't they on the hook? Piper: No, if they were on the hook I wouldn't be asking. (Piper swings around and knocks over some bottles.) Abby: I got it, I got it. Piper: Oh, damn it. (She continues looking for the keys.) Spare key, spare key. Register. (She opens the cash register and the trolls close it on her fingers.) Son of a... Abby: Oh, are you okay? Piper: Uh, could you just do me a favour and close up for me? Abby: Oh, yeah, sure. Piper: Thank you. [Cut to outside. The trolls push Piper out the door. She walks towards her car and the trolls trip her. She falls on the ground and all her stuff falls out of her purse.] Piper: You better run while you can, you little rodents. (She stands up and looks up at the sky.) I bet you guys think this is real funny don't ya? Haven't you taken enough from me? You have to send trolls to kick me while I'm down. (She picks up her stuff and puts them back in her purse.) I had a nice normal life once and you took that from me. You took my boyfriend, you took my life, the least you could do is leave me... (a couple walk past) my freakin' car keys. I am a good person, I am a good witch and damn it I would've made a great wife. And how dare you take that from me. I deserve... no, you know what? I demand that you send him back to me. You hear me? Right now. I am going to stand in this very spot until you send Leo back to me. (Nothing happens.) [Scene: Manor. 11:54pm. Prue and Phoebe are waiting for Piper.] Prue: She said that she was coming, right? Phoebe: What'd you think I just made that part up? Prue: No, but it's almost 12:00 and we still have to go over to Kate's. Phoebe: Well, maybe we should do it with out her. Do the best we can. Prue: No, I used the power of three spell, it won't work without her. Phoebe: We can rewrite it. Prue: In six minutes. Phoebe: Do you have a better idea? (Piper walks in.) Piper: Sorry I'm late. Phoebe: Hey, are you okay? Piper: I thought this wasn't about me. Prue: Well, it just... you don't really seem like you're very open. Piper: I'm as open as I'm gonna get in the next five minutes so let's just do the damn spell. (They read from a piece of paper.) Prue/Piper/Phoebe: "In this tween time this darkest hour, we call upon the sacred power. Three together stand alone, command the unseen to be shown. In innocence we search the skies, enchanted are our new found eyes." Phoebe: You've really gotta lay off the rhyming, Prue. Prue: Alright, well, let's just go ring the doorbell, Piper, you freeze Kate's parents so that we can get past them, okay? Piper: Fine, whatever. (She walks off.) Prue: Fine, whatever. [Scene: Kate's house. Kate's room. She is standing in the middle of the room clutching onto the box and holding the walkie-talkie.] Kate: (into the walkie-talkie) Prue? Hello? Phoebe? Please answer me. Hello? (The clock hits 12:00 and the trolls appear. They fly around Kate. Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk in. The trolls fly around them, pushes them outside into the hallway and shuts the door. They knock the box out of Kate's hands.) Thistle! (The box falls under the bed.) Phoebe, they're taking Thistle. [Cut to the hallway.] Phoebe: Okay, why can't we see them? Prue: Obviously the spell didn't work. (Prue uses her power and opens the door. The trolls drag Kate under the bed.) Kate: Help me! (The trolls knock down a shelf of toys.) [Cut to under the bed. The troll throws dust on Kate and she turns into a fairy. They take her away. Prue, Piper and Phoebe look under the bed.] Phoebe: Where'd she go? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Kate's house. Continued from before.] Prue: There's nothing here. Piper: Well, she's gotta be here somewhere, she couldn't have just disappeared. Phoebe: Unless the trolls turned her into a fairy. Prue: A fairy? Why would they do that? Phoebe: I have no idea. Maybe to punish her for taking Thistle. (She picks up the box.) But we have to find Kate. Okay, come on, give me a premonition. Prue: I don't understand. I mean, why couldn't we see the trolls? We've had spells backfire on us before but never the power of three. Piper: It didn't backfire. The spell didn't work because of me. Prue: Piper... Piper: No, it's-it's true. This is all my fault. I just, I wanted to save Kate and never meant to hurt her, I never meant for this... Prue: Don't blame yourself, okay? You have every right to be angry. Piper: But not at the expense of a little girl. I just don't understand how I'm supposed to believe in anything anymore. I just want him back, Prue. Prue: I know. But right now we have to get Kate back, okay, and we're gonna need your help to do that. Phoebe: Damn it, damn it, damn it. I don't understand. What good is this power if I can't use it when I need it? Prue: Phoebe, you have to focus. Phoebe: Prue, I am focusing, believe me. Prue: You're too upset, so take a deep breath... Piper: Guys... Phoebe: I can't levitate when I want to, I can't premonition when I want to... Piper: Guys! Phoebe: What? Piper: I think the spell is working. (She points to a fairy flying near the window.) Do you see it? Phoebe: What's it doing? Prue: I think it wants us to follow it. [Time lapse. Outside in a garden. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are following the fairy. They approach a cave and it flies away.] Prue: I think he got scared away. Phoebe: Yeah, and I can see why. This looks like the cave from Kate's drawing. Piper: The first troll I see is in really big trouble. Let's go. (They walk into the cave and hide behind a rock. Kate and Thistle are locked in a cage.) Phoebe: Troll central. (The troll's place a branch underneath the cage. One troll is banging two rocks together trying to make a fire.) Piper: What are they doing? Prue: It looks like they're trying to start a fire, although I don't really think that it's for roasting marshmallows. Phoebe: Kate and Thistle. (The trolls get the fire started.) Prue: Alright, Piper, do you think that you can freeze them from here? Piper: I can try. (Some trolls attack them and they walk further into the cave.) Prue: Piper, freeze them. Piper: They're too fast. (One heads straight for Piper and she freezes it. Prue moves it into the fire and it burns.) Prue: One down. Phoebe: Okay... (Phoebe jumps up and levitates.) Prue, a little help here. (Prue uses her power and Phoebe flies over to the cage. She unhooks it and lands back on the ground.) Prue: Piper, run. Piper: Run? Run where? Prue: Just run, Piper, run! (Prue drags Piper towards the fire.) Piper: Are you out of your mind? Prue: Freeze the flames! (Piper freezes the fire and they jump through it. The trolls head towards them.) Unfreeze, now. (Piper unfreezes the fire and burns all of the trolls.) Now that is just the way I like my trolls, medium-well. (Phoebe laughs. She lets Kate and Thistle of the cage.) Phoebe: Here you guys go. It's okay, there you go. (They start to fly away.) Um, hey, hey, hey, you guys, wait up. (They stop.) Prue: Thistle, don't you know how to turn Kate back into a person? (Kate looks at Thistle and shakes her head.) Phoebe: Kate, you know, you can't stay a fairy because if you do, your mum will be very sad. Piper: Um, you know what? I think I kinda know how you're feeling. When someone you love goes away it doesn't make any sense and it feels like the whole world is out to get you. But you know what? Your mum and dad didn't split up to hurt you. Things just happen. Things that you may never understand. But you just have to believe that it's for the best. Even if it doesn't always seem that way. You remember how sad you were when your daddy left? (She nods.) Well, that's how sad everybody's gonna be if you don't come home. (Kate looks at Thistle and nods. Thistle turns her back into a human. Phoebe goes over and hugs Kate.) Prue: (to Piper) Nicely done. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk through the front door. They look very sore and tied.] Phoebe: Ow. Piper: Yep. Prue: Ice? Phoebe: Bed. (Just as Prue closes the door the doorbell rings. Prue opens the door back up and there are flowers on the porch.) Who delivers at this hour? (Prue bends down and picks up her keys.) Prue: Hmm, I think this is somebody's way of saying thank you. Here. (She hands them the flowers.) Piper: Well, you're welcome. (They carry them inside.) Phoebe: Oh, they're so pretty. (Piper puts on a wreath of flowers on her head. Prue and Phoebe look at her.) Prue: Piper, um, we... (She takes it back off.) Phoebe: We, um, we just... Piper: I know, it's okay. I'm actually beginning to understand why they don't want witches and Whitelighters to be together. (They walk into the living room and sit down.) Marriage is, um, hard enough, you know. But marriage to a Whitelighter... He's gotta orb out at all times of the night and sometimes he's gone for weeks at a time. But honestly if I'm gonna have a meltdown every time I have no idea where he is, the none of us are gonna be able to do our jobs. (Tears fill her eyes.) And if we had lost that little girl tonight... Phoebe: But we didn't. Piper: But we could've. And I don't think I could live with that. If that means that I have to give up Leo, then I guess that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. (She walks out of the room. Leo orbs in on the stairs. Piper gets a fright.) Am I dreaming? Leo: No. (They hug.) Piper: I had a dream that you weren't coming back. That wasn't a dream either, was it? Leo: No, it wasn't. They had forbidden me from ever seeing you again. (Phoebe and Prue walk in.) But now, I don't know what you said or did but they said you showed great courage and great faith, enough to make them reconsider. Phoebe: Does that mean you guys can get married now? Prue: Ugh... Phoebe: What? I wanna know. Leo: Not yet. It means they're giving us a chance to prove we can make it work. Phoebe: What do you mean? Like probation? (Piper gives Phoebe a look.) Leo: If we can show them that our relationship won't get in the way of our work... Piper: Then we can stay together? Leo: But if anything goes wrong, we're distracted by each other... Piper: We won't be. (Piper and Leo go upstairs.) Phoebe: Are you worried? Prue: When are you going to learn? I am always worried. I'm relieved that he's back though, not only for Piper but... Phoebe: I know. Unknown, unattractive demon on the loose. Prue: Yeah, let's not tell them until tomorrow. I think that the least that they deserve is one night worry free romance don't you? Phoebe: Mmm, romance, uhh. [Time lapse. Phoebe is calling Cole's office.] Cole: Turner. Phoebe: Uh, hi, Cole, what are you doing in the office at two in the morning? Cole: What are you doing calling the office at two in the morning? Phoebe: Um, I-I was just gonna leave you a message. Save you the trouble of having to talk to me. Cole: Why would I ever not want to talk to you? Phoebe: I don't know, you know, just incase you thought I was a drunk or a lunatic or a drunk lunatic. Cole: I think I'm gonna go with mystery. One I'm looking forward to figuring out. Phoebe: Okay, um, I'm going to go then and, uh, be mysterious. Cole: I'll call you. Phoebe: I will answer. (She hangs up and falls back onto the couch.) [Cut to Cole's office.] Cole: Yes! (to his shadow) Tell them I'm getting closer. (His shadows disappears into and air vent.)

After having a bad dream about Leo, Piper realizes that The Powers That Be have ordered Leo to stay away from her forever. As a result, she goes on a strike from helping Prue and Phoebe save innocents. Meanwhile, Phoebe and Prue try to save a young girl named Kate after trolls start attacking her because she's keeping a fairy safe that they want to harm. Cole continues his quest to get inside the Manor and gain access to the Book of Shadows.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_04x12

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_04x12_0

[ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Before the ice-wall.) Anna: Wow, that is a lot of ice. Elsa: And it's time for it to come down. Anna: Okay. Now can we go back home? Emma: Stop! Don't take another step! That's the town line. Anna: Right. But I want to leave the town. Didn't I just say that? Emma: The wall may be down, but I sense that some of Ingrid's magic remains. Yeah, leaving this town has never been simple. And Ingrid? She didn't change things. She wanted to be here alone with you and me. She wanted to make Storybrooke her ice castle, and clearly she wanted to protect it. Anna: So how do we get back home? Elsa: Walking wouldn't get us there anyway. We're in a different realm. Emma: We need to find a portal. Or magic beans or something. Kristoff: Okay, now I'm lost. Anna: Well, then let's get one of those things. We have to hurry. Elsa: No, we don't need to rush. We need to be careful. Arendelle will still be there while we figure this out. Anna: It might not. Did we forget to tell her? Kristoff: A lot of stuff was going on. Elsa: Tell me what? Anna: Arendelle's been conquered... By Hans and his 12 brothers. Elsa: Emma, we need to find a way back... Now. Emma: We'll do our best. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mr Gold's shop.) Hook: They didn't leave. The Snow Queen mucked up the border. Once you cross, there's no c... Coming back. Mr Gold: If only the Snow Queen had succeeded... Everything would be much simpler. Hook: Yes. Perfect cover for your exit. But everybody survived. Sorry for the inconvenience. Mr Gold: What about our friends from Arendelle? Hook: Well, they're still searching for a portal back. Mr Gold: Well, that is a problem. Can't have that Anna running around town. Hook: She knows, doesn't she? She knows what you were doing, cleaving yourself from the dagger so you can leave with your power. Emma told me Belle confessed about knowing Anna. Mr Gold: Still, quite the supposition. Hook: Why else would you care? Anna's a danger to you. You can't have your blissfully ignorant wife... Mr Gold: Lose either her bliss or ignorance. Watch Anna. Make sure she comes nowhere near this shop. Hook: But if I had the choice. Mr Gold: Well, you don't. Your usefulness was unexpectedly extended. But tonight, when the stars in the sky align with the stars in the sorcerer's hat, I will finally do what I should have done so many years ago. I will crush your heart. Hook: And while I'm out doing your dirty work, what are you gonna do? Mr Gold: I'm simply gonna wake my wife and prepare her for my greatest gift. She's gonna have the life she always wanted. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Belle is searching in the Dark One's stuffs.) Rumpelstiltskin: Don't cut yourself, dearie! Belle: Aah! I am so, so sorry. I thought... Rumpelstiltskin: You thought I would be away for a few more days and it would be fine to play with my... Toys. Belle: Well, you did say that... Rumpelstiltskin: Oh! I lied. I wanted to see how the mouse would play while the cat was away. And the mouse has done very little... Cleaning. Belle: You just have... You have so many things here from all over the world. I was curious. And... You never talk about them. Rumpelstiltskin: Well, you're the help. Belle: And you're rude. Rumpelstiltskin: Well, I could be much worse. Belle: Hmm. But you're not. Look, you have seen the world... Something that I've always wanted to do... Yet you share nothing. Rumpelstiltskin: Mouthy, mouthy. And foolishly brave. Belle: No, if you were going to kill me, you would have done it long ago. Now, tell me what you've seen. How was your trip to Camelot? Rumpelstiltskin: Good for me. Not so good for Camelot. A souvenir. Clean it for me, will you? Belle: Oh. W-w-what is it? Rumpelstiltskin: It's a magic gauntlet with a very specific power. It can locate anyone's greatest weakness. Belle: Hmm. How ominous. B-but why do you need this? W-with all your power, you could destroy any foe. Rumpelstiltskin: Look, if you must know, it's about manipulation. And for that, you must find one's weakness. And for almost everyone, that weakness is the thing they love most. This will simply point me in the right direction. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Mr Gold wakes up Belle.) Belle: Whoa. Breakfast in bed, huh? Mr Gold: I have a much bigger surprise coming for you. I think it's about time we had a proper honeymoon. How would you like to see a magical city called New York? So, after breakfast, pack a suitcase. It's time for you to see the world. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Regina's vault. Regina gives Marian her heart. She awakes.) Marian: Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina is sat, alone at Granny's Diner. Marian comes in.) Regina: Please, I'd rather be alone. Marian: I thought we should talk. Thank you for saving my life... Twice, actually. Regina: Forget about it. Marian: I can't because Robin can't. I see the way you two look at one another. And I understand. For me, it's only been a short time that I've been away. But for him, years have passed. His heart moved on. He's in love with you, Regina. And I think you're in love with him. Regina: Well, it doesn't really matter. He's a man of honour. He made a vow to you, and he's going to keep it. Marian: I don't want him to be with me out of obligation. I want to be chosen. If his heart leads him to me, fine. But if it does what I suspect and leads to you... I will step out of the way. [SCENE_BREAK] (The sweep leads Mr Gold and Hook to the abandoned mansion.) Hook: You may have got the best of me this time, Dark One, but I promise you, in the next life, it won't be so pleasant for you. Mr Gold: Well, then, given my immortality, you'll have quite the wait amongst the fire and brimstone. Hook: If I really am to die, at least give me all the information. Whose house is this? Mr Gold: A powerful sorcerer. He brought the Snow Queen from Arendelle to this world, which means his magic is strong enough to move between that world and ours. There's a portal around here somewhere. We simply need to find it. (The portal appears.) Mr Gold: There. [SCENE_BREAK] (Belle is packing her clothes then Henry enters.) Henry: Hey, grandma. Are you taking a trip? Belle: Uh, yeah. Rumple's taking me to New York for our honeymoon. Henry: But the Snow Queen left a spell on the town line. Anyone who goes can't return. Didn't you hear? Belle: No, I-I-I didn't. But I'm sure he must have a way to remove it. Hey, what's wrong? Henry: This book. It's got all your stories in it. It started all this. And my mom... Lots of bad things happen to her in it. Belle: Well, that doesn't mean they'll always happen to her that way. I... I wouldn't worry. She's on a much better path now. Henry: Thanks, grandma. Belle: Yeah, you know... "Belle's" good. Henry: Got it. Belle: Okay, so, I need another suitcase. Help me look? Henry: You know, when you're in New York, you've got to go to the public library. No offense, but it blows the one here away. It's got these lions outside of it... (At lot of items falls.) Belle: Aah! Are you okay? Henry: Sorry. Let me get those. Huh. He really keeps some strange things here. What's wrong? I'll clean it up. Belle: N-no, no. It's... It's okay. I-I got it. I just, uh, didn't expect to see this here. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the Dark One's castle.) Belle: So, I figured it out... Why you collect so many magical objects. You have a hole in your heart. Rumpelstiltskin: There's only one thing missing from my life right now. Clean clothes. [SCENE_BREAK] (Rumpelstiltskin transports Belle in the forest.) Belle: You're just upset because you know I'm right. And no, I am not talking to myself because I know you can and do listen to me. (Belle hears a dog.) Belle: Hello, puppy. (The dog runs away, Belle follows it.) Belle: Hi. Hi. Gah! Where did you go? (Belle is kidnapped.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook comes in Granny's Diner. He wants to talk to Emma.) Hook: Swan. Come celebrate, for I may not be the Saviour, but I've just saved the day. Emma: Hang on. Don't get your hopes up yet. Okay. What, exactly, are we celebrating? Hook: The portal to Arendelle. I found it. So, bottoms up. Emma: You... Found a portal? Hook: Well, I found Gold, and he told me where to locate one. A door in the ballroom of that lakeside mansion. Yes. It appears that our Rumplestiltskin has turned over a new leaf. Emma: Apparently dozens of leaves. You sure we can trust him? [SCENE_BREAK] (Mr Gold holds Hook's heart and speaks through it.) Mr Gold: Positive. The Crocodile truly has changed. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Granny's Diner.) Hook: He gave me a long-winded explanation about a... Portal. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr Gold: About how it brought the, uh... [SCENE_BREAK] Hook: Snow Queen into this land... Which I don't recall. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr Gold: But the important thing is it works. [SCENE_BREAK] Hook: All they have to do is walk through it. Emma: Then we should go. Hook: Brilliant. You do that. I, alas... [SCENE_BREAK] Mr Gold: Bruised myself during the curse. Really need to get it seen to. [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook is about to leave but Emma stops him.) Emma: Hey, Killian. What's wrong? You're acting strange. Hook: Nothing. I'm fine. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr Gold: See you around... Love. [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook holds Emma's wrist and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Rumpelstiltskin is looking for Belle.) Rumpelstiltskin: Belle? Belle?! Where have you gone? Don't tell me you've done something stupid like running away! (A raven gives him a message.) Belle: Rumplestiltskin, I'm... I'm supposed to ask you for... For that gauntlet from Camelot. Bring it to the base of Demon's Bluff at midnight or... Or I'll be killed. Rumple, help! Rumpelstiltskin: You! I know where you came from! Tell your master I know who she is and she's just crossed a line! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (In the park.) Regina: They look happy. Robin: Having Marian back in his life, it means so much to Roland. Regina: I understand. At the end of the day, our children come first. Robin: Regina? Regina: She's his mother. Robin: I choose you. Regina: But... But Roland. What would this look like to him? Robin: It's gonna look like a messy, complicated situation, which it is. But if I went back to my life with Marian, I'd be living a lie. The best example I can set to my son is to live truthfully... To follow my heart... To you. Roland: Papa! Papa, help! Help, papa! Robin: I thought she was cured! Regina: There must be some remnant of that spell still inside her. Even by now her heart should be infected. Robin: So there's no hope? Regina: There may be another way to save her. Now that the ice wall is down, she could leave Storybrooke. She can cross the town line and enter a world without magic. Without magic, the harm to her would end. Robin: S... S... So let's get to the town line! Regina: Robin, you need to know something. It's a one-way trip. There's a curse on the town line, and once you leave, that's it. Robin: So you're saying... Regina: I'm saying that we can't just send Marian into an unknown world. Someone has to go with her... You and Roland. And once you do go... You can never come back. [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina is in her car, she is watching the Merry Men. Mr Gold joins her.) Mr Gold: I hate goodbyes. Don't you? Regina: If you've come here to gloat, I'm really not in the mood. What do you want? Mr Gold: Belle and I are taking a trip. I came to bid you farewell. Regina: Have you been under a rock all day? There's a curse on the town line. If you leave, you can never come back. Mr Gold: Hence the goodbye. But before I go, could you pass something on to my grandson? Tell Henry I'll miss him... And his charming attempts at snooping around my shop. Regina: You knew. Mr Gold: Oh, I knew. Perhaps you can tell me why. Regina: He was looking for the impossible... My happy ending. The Storybook has me written as a villain, and villains always lose, so... He thought you might have a clue as to who the author is so I can make him change that. Mr Gold: Intriguing idea. But, alas, I've no clue as to his identity. Regina: I know. Villains don't get happy endings. Mr Gold: It would appear, in your case, that that's true. Regina: You and Belle seem... Content. How were you able to get one? Mr Gold: Because I took it. And, quite frankly, you should, uh, stop moping and do the same thing. I mean, if this Marian died, all would be well, would it not? Regina: That's no longer me. Mr Gold: Being good doesn't mean good things will happen. Regina: This sounds like the old Rumplestiltskin talking. I thought you changed. Mr Gold: More like evolved. Coming back from the dead and being a slave to the Wicked Witch tends to do that to you. But if you don't think villains can get happy endings, just watch me take one. There's no author of my fate, no Storybook with my destiny. I've been a villain a thousand times over, and yet I'm about to get everything I desire. As unbelievable as it sounds, I want the same for you. (Mr Gold leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina joins the Merry Men, Marian, Roland and Robin.) Roland: Mom. Regina: The diner I told you about is just a few miles down the road. Robin: Right. Uh, Regina... Regina: And you have the map I gave you? A... And the money, so that should be plenty to get you started. Robin: Yes, but... Regina: Good. Then you should go. Robin: Thank you. Regina: She needs to cross the line now. Robin: Okay, you guys, go. I'll be right behind you, I promise. I just... I just need a moment, okay? Marian: Of course. Thank you. (Marian and Robin cross the line.) Roland: Mama! Marian: Robin? Regina: Your family is waiting. Go. (Robin kisses Regina.) Robin: I... Regina: I know. (Robin crosses the line.) Roland: Papa! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the base of Demon's Bluff.) Rumplestiltskin: I have what you want, dearie. Now show yourself. Belle: Rumple! Ow! Help! Maleficent: Yes, Rumplestiltskin! Do help her! Rumplestiltskin: Maleficent. Oh, I am impressed. Didn't think you had it in you. Maleficent: I'm not here for your praise. Give me the gauntlet and you can have your wench back. Rumplestiltskin: Seeing as how you asked so nicely... (Rumplestiltskin strangles Maleficent with is powers.) Rumplestiltskin: You think you can steal from the Dark One and live? Fatal mistake, dearie! Any last words? Maleficent: I'm... Not... Alone. Rumplestiltskin: The Sea Witch. Ursula: Such a pretty thing. Seems a shame I'll have to crack her pipes. Rumplestiltskin: Harm one hair on her head, Maleficent burns. Cruella: And Ursula will kill your maid, and where will that leave us? Rumplestiltskin: Cruella! Thought I caught a whiff of desperation and gin. I must say, I'm... I'm surprised to see you all here. Last time we crossed, it looked like things weren't going your way. And unless you hand back my maid, they won't be this time, either. Cruella: Shall I get you a step stool so you can look in my eyes when you threaten me? Rumplestiltskin: I don't need to threaten you, dearie. It took three of you to get this far, and I promise it isn't far enough. Cruella: Have it your way. Ursula, darling, crush the maid's heart. Rumplestiltskin: That was, uh, a rather risky endeavour for an old glove, dearies. (Rumplestiltskin gives Cruella the gauntlet.) Ursula: Oh, the risk was worth it. For too long we've lived in a world where the heroes always win. Cruella: And the gauntlet will reveal our enemies' weaknesses, and we will be the victors. Maleficent: Let her go. (Maleficent uses her powers to make the Queen of Darkness disappears.) Belle: Why... Why would you do that? I... I... I mean, with that object... Rumplestiltskin: They still won't be able to harm you. Belle: Why do you care about me? Rumplestiltskin: I don't. But if anyone's gonna crush your heart, it's gonna be me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the clock tower.) Mr Gold: When the stars on the hat align with those in the sky, we shall begin. Hook: You mean I shall end. Let's not start mincing our words now. Mr Gold: Oh, how brave. I half-expected you to crumble at the precipice of your demise. Hook: I'm not the one who's a coward. Mr Gold: Well, then, you'll enjoy watching this coward crush your heart. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the mansion.) Henry: This place is amazing. Mom, I'll, uh, be right back. Emma: Hey, kid, wait. Mary Margaret: Well, Emma, I think this is it. Anna: Crocuses! Arendelle crocuses! Elsa, we're almost home. Emma: Wait, maybe I should open it. Magic can be unpredictable. Elsa: So this is it. Emma: Appears so. Anna: Thank you for taking such good care of my sister. Emma: It's kind of what we do. Mary Margaret: It's our pleasure. Now, don't you all have a kingdom to go save? Anna: We sure do. I hope Hans isn't too comfortable on that throne 'cause I'm gonna knock him right off the minute we get back. Kristoff: And the second minute we're back, maybe we could get married? Just a thought. Elsa: Emma, thank you for everything. You've done so much. I could never repay you. (Elsa hugs Emma.) Elsa: It's time. Please, thank Hook and Mr. Gold for us, as well. (Emma opens the door. Elsa and Kristoff go through the portal but Anna stops.) Mary Margaret: Good luck. Anna: I wish I had met this Mr. Gold. He seems super helpful. Who is he? I mean, who is he in the other world? Wait, let me guess. He was a fairy godfather, wasn't he? David: Well, not exactly. He was an evil sorcerer you're lucky you never met. Rumplestiltskin. Anna: Wait, what? Emma: You know him? He explicitly said he didn't know anything about you. Anna: Well, that's a lie. Not that I'm surprised. All he does is lie. Emma: So Gold was playing us the whole time. But why? [SCENE_BREAK] (At the clock tower, Mr Gold starts the spell to release him from the dagger.) Mr Gold: It's time. (Emma and Mary Margaret enter.) Emma: Gold! Stop! Mr Gold: I'm sorry. I can't. I've waited too long for this. And I'm too close. (He freezes Emma and Mary Margaret.) Mr Gold: Well, maybe not everything has went to plan. But this next part... I'm really gonna enjoy. (Mr Gold is crushing Hook's heart.) Hook: Aah! Mr Gold: I don't understand. Why can't I... Belle: Because I commanded you not to. Drop the heart. Now release everyone. And now? Now you can take us to the town line because we need to be alone for what comes next. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the town line.) Mr Gold: Belle, what are you doing? Belle: Finally facing the truth. Mr Gold: No, please put the dagger down and let me explain. Belle: No! It's my turn to talk. Do you remember the first time you saved my life? You traded for me. I thought I... I saw something in you, something good. Well, I found that gauntlet today. And that's when I... I finally realized that all the signs I'd been seeing were correct. You'd never give up power for me, Rumple. You never have. You never will. Mr Gold: Y... Y... you don't understand. Belle: No. You told me that gauntlet could lead you to... to someone's weakness, to the thing they loved the most. Well, you know where it led me, Rumple? To the real dagger. Your true love is your power. Mr Gold: I like the power. But there's nothing wrong with power, not when it means that... That I... That we... That we can have it all. Belle: I just wanted you. I wanted to be chosen, not... I tried to be everything for you, Rumple. But I wasn't. And I... I lost my way trying to help you find yourself. Not anymore. Mr Gold: Please, Belle. I... I... I'll make it up to you. I... I... I've changed once before. I can do it again. Belle: You've never changed. Mr Gold: Please. Belle: No! It's too late. Once I... I saw the man behind the beast. Now there's only a beast. Rumplestiltskin, I command you... To leave Storybrooke. Mr Gold: Belle, no. Please. I won't be able to come back. Belle: I know. Mr Gold: I... I... I don't want to lose you. Belle: You already have. Mr Gold: Belle, please. I'm afraid. Belle! Belle! No! Belle! Belle, please! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Arendelle ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the castle.) Anna: Isn't it beautiful? I found it hidden in the east wing. What? Is it my hair? You're right. I should have worn the braids. Elsa: Anna, you look absolutely perfect. Anna: I wouldn't say perfect. Did you see these bruises? Elsa: Have you seen Hans' eye? Anna: Yeah. Totally worth it. Okay. Let's get this wedding on the road. I mean "on the aisle." Elsa: Anna, why did you do it? Why did you postpone your whole wedding just to find out the truth? Anna: Elsa. You're my sister. I couldn't walk down this aisle unless you were as happy as I was. Elsa: Anna, I'm... Very happy. (They hug.) Anna: What is that amazing smell? Anna & Elsa: Chocolate! Elsa: You ready? Anna: Ready. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At Granny's Diner.) Hook: Just be gent... Ohh! Emma: Sorry. I just thought if I did it quickly, it'd be like ripping off a... (Hook kisses Emma.) Hook: I told you, Swan. I'm a survivor. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the lunch room.) Regina: I'm not in the mood for a hope speech, Emma. Emma: You're mistaking me for my mother. Besides, you don't need a speech. You need a drinking buddy. Shots? Regina: Sure. Why not? Emma: Two. You know you did the right thing today. Regina: There it is... A hope speech. I thought we were drinking. Emma: It's not a speech. It's a compliment. Regina: Well, I don't need your validation. I know I did the right thing. I know because I'm miserable... Again. Emma: Thanks. Well, if it makes you feel any better, so is Gold. Regina: It does. (Henry enters.) Emma: Whoa, kid. Slow down. Henry: Mom! Mom! I found something big! You're gonna want to see this. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the abandoned mansion.) Henry: After you guys left, I stayed behind to look around, and I found something. Regina: A library! Henry: Not just any library. Look. Emma: That looks like your book. Henry: Only it's blank. They all are. And if this place is full of potential Storybooks... Regina: Then maybe this is the author's house. Henry, you did it! Emma: Did what? What's going on? Regina: Well, uh, we were looking for the author. I was hoping he could write me a happier story. Henry: We called that "Operation Mongoose." Emma: I like it. It's got style. I'm in. Regina: You are? Emma: I made you a promise I intend to keep. Everyone deserves their happy ending. [SCENE_BREAK] [ New York - 6 weeks later ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Mr Gold is walking in New York's streets.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Enchanted Forest - Past ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the base of Demon's Bluff.) Rumplestiltskin: There may come a day when the students surpass the master. But today is not that day. I want my gauntlet. Maleficent: We made a deal, Rumple, and you never go back on a deal. Rumplestiltskin: No. I paid a ransom. Quite different. Demanding a ransom from the Dark One is not a deal. It's a death wish... And a fool's errand. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do. Cruella: Whatever you're up to, it'll never work. The game is rigged. The villains never win. Ursula: Why don't you join us? Perhaps we can change the game together. Rumplestiltskin: You severely underestimate me, dearie. I always win. And I win alone. I certainly don't need to join you, uh, Queens of Darkness. [SCENE_BREAK] [ New York - 6 weeks later ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Mr Gold meets Ursula at the Aquarium.) Ursula: It's all I got. If you're not happy about it, try eating each other. Mr Gold: I hear cannibalism is frowned upon in the aquatic world. Or maybe you could tell me differently. Ursula: So, this is what a man who always wins looks like. Mr Gold: I assure you, Ursula, my situation is only temporary. Ursula: Really? How you gonna fix that, play the lotto? Mr Gold: I'd like to tell you a story. It's about heroes and villains, where the villains always lose. Ursula: Seems like someone's changed his tune. Mr Gold: I've learned the rules do apply to me, but also there's someone who can change those rules. Ursula: Who? Mr Gold: For now, let's call him "The Author." Ursula: Pretentious. I hate him already. Mr Gold: Then let's go see him. Tell him what we think. Unless you prefer life as a fish-food dispenser. Ursula: But if you're coming to me for help, I can assume it won't be easy. Who's standing in our way? Mr Gold: The usual people... The heroes. Let's get your things. We've two more stops to make.

In New York City, Mr. Gold & Ursula go to Cruella De Vil's place in Great Neck, Long Island where her criminal husband is arrested by the FBI. As the Storybrooke residents attempt to move on from Gold; Emma, Regina, Belle, and Hook help free the fairies from the hat, along with the demon Chernabog, who threatens to destroy the town. Meanwhile, Gold enlists Ursula and Cruella De Vil to re-enter Storybrooke by convincing that they have renounced their evil ways to Regina and Emma. Later, David and Mary Margaret warn Ursula and Cruella to not reveal a past meeting to anyone, especially Emma, or Mary Margret would kill them herself. Elsewhere, Gold reveals that he was the person who translated the scroll for Belle and that the Chernabog was hunting the heart with the greatest potential for darkness, Emma. Back in the Enchanted Forest, Rumplestiltskin gathers Maleficent, Cruella, and Ursula in a plot to find their happy endings through the retrieval of the Dark Curse.

fd_The_Office_02x15

fd_The_Office_02x15_0

Jan: So, I'm happy to be here. It's very nice to see all of you. You're all looking well. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Today's a 'women in the workplace' thing. Jan's coming in from Corporate to talk to all the women about... um... I don't really know what. But Michael's not allowed in. She said that about five times. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Women today, though we have the same options as men, we often face a very different set of obstacles in getting there. So... Michael: [knocks] Hey, what's going on? Jan: Michael... I thought we agreed you wouldn't be here. Michael: Yeah... I... You know what... I... I... I just thought about it. I just have a few things I want to say. Jan: What are you doing? Michael: Hold... Just hear me out. What is more important than Quality? E-Quality. Now studies show that today's woman, the Ally McBeal woman, as I call her, is at a crossroads... Jan: Michael. Michael: No, just uh... you have come a long way, baby. But I just... just want to keep it within reason. Jan: Michael. Michael: They did this up in Albany... Jan: You are not allowed in this session. Michael: And they ended up turning the break room into a lactation room which is disgusting so... Jan: Now you're really not allowed in this session. Michael: Well, I'm their boss, so I feel like... Jan: I'm your boss. Michael: [stands up] Anybody want any coffee or... Jan: We're fine, Michael. We just need you to leave, please. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Women in the workplace... yeah, translation "I have been banned from my own conference room so that Jan can talk in secret to all the girls." Oh! Sorry. 'Women of the workplace.' About what? I don't know. Clothes. Me. Eeegkh! [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Ladies, I am so, so sorry. Can we start again? We were on such a roll. I... I... really apologize. Pam: Jan. Jan: Yes, Pam? Pam: Michael's still at the door. Jan: Michael! [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [in the background] So one obstacle is how assertiveness is perceived differently in men and women. Men who are assertive will be admired. They're called... anyone? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: It's a terrible idea. Jim: What is? Dwight: Them in there all together. If they stay in there too long they're going to get on the same cycle. Wreak havoc on our plumbing. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Everyone. Guys. Circle up, please. Come on over. Bring your chairs. Toby, come on over. You're a guy... too... sort of. Let's do this! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in the background] Well, first of all, I, uh, just want to warm up a little bit. Let's just clap. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Let's just clap. Ready? [clapping] Yeah! Yeah! Dwight: Yeah! Michael: That's what I'm talking about! Jan: I don't know what you're doing here, Michael, Michael: Just having a little 'guys in the workplace' thing. Jan: ... but it's very destructive. Michael: Why can't boys play with dolls? Why does society force us to use urinals when sitting down is far more comfortable? Jan: Can you please do this somewhere else, Michael? Michael: We have nowhere else Jan. This... Dwight: We could do it in the warehouse. Jan: Dwight, excellent idea. Go to the warehouse. Michael: OK, OK, Fine. Yeah, actually, perfect. Perfect. You know what? There's another side to this place, gentleman. And I know we all love our cushy jobs and our fun, exciting office. But do you realize that underneath us, there's another world. The warehouse world. A world that is teeming with sweat and dirt and life. Life. The bowels of the office. These guys are down there, they are real men doing real man's work. We are going to learn how a warehouse works. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oh, I think it's going to work out great. Because managing the warehouse is a very important part of my job. And I haven't been there in months. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Remember on Lost when they met the Others? [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: I'm so sorry about that... um... so where were we? Pam, are you okay taking notes then? Pam: Mmmhmm. Jan: Please? Thank you. very much. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So let's meet the warehouse! Let's get some shots. Pan around there. This is Darryl, one of our warehouse staff. Darryl, what is your biggest fear? Darryl: My biggest fear is that someone will distract us from getting all the shipments out on time. Michael: You know, Darryl is actually the Foreman here and not Roy, which is cool. There's Roy riding the big rig. So Roy is actually going to be marrying Pam sometime this summer. And... uh, she's our receptionist. Sort of a Brangelina thing. Roy: Why? Michael: Brangelina is the Brad Pitt and Angelina... Roy... Roy: I don't understand. Michael: Roy and Pam. It's a Ram. It's a Ram thing. Kevin: [talking to Jim] I bet Roy heard about you liking Pam. I bet he'll try to beat you up. Jim: Thanks for the head's up, Kev. Kevin: I've got your back if he does. But try to stay out of it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [points at math equasion on chalkboard] Uhhuhhuh. Just in case there's someone down here who shouldn't be. A little "Good Will Hunting" situation. All right. Troops. This is an important day. Big day. Now you may look around and see two groups here. White collar. Blue collar. But I don't see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Why don't we go around the table and all say something that we know we're good at. I will start. I am good at public speaking. Meredith: Hi. I'm Meredith and I'm an alch... good at supplier relations. Jan: Great. Phyllis? Phyllis: I'm good at computer stuff, emails, spreadsheets, all that. Angela: [disbelieving] Really? Phyllis: I don't know. I thought that I wasn't going to be asked that... Jan: No. Okay. Stop. Go on... Angela: I've seen some of your spreadsheets. Phyllis: Really? I thought they were pretty... [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I don't know how I fit in with these women. Here. Or with Jan. Um... I mean we get along great. Fine. Um... I guess the person I have the most in common with is... [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: Jim... Halpert. Hey uh, I, uh, you know heard there's a rumor going around about you used to have a crush on Pam. Jim: Oh, no, no. No. Roy: No, it's cool, because I know you're a good guy. And I know that that crush ended a long time ago, so... you know. We're cool, right? Jim: Yeah. Nope. Yeah. Definitely. Roy: You know, it's great with me cause that way, glad she has a friend at work she can get through the day with. She's not all bap bap bap bap when she gets home. Jim: Yeah. I like talking to her too. Roy: So, we're cool, right? Jim: Yes. Yeah. Roy: All right. Jim: Yep. Cool, man. Roy: Sweet. Kevin: [blows a sigh of relief] [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Hey, Mike, look. How bout we go upstairs, too. You know learn how the office works. We can all switch places today. Michael: Oh... well... okay... yeah, you know what? I don't think... You.. You're... My job sucks compared to this. I don't think you'd like it up there. Darryl: The experience... Michael: Guys! Want to start unloading the truck? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Okay. Let's go. Step up. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Check this out! Look at that! Look at that [squeezes blow-up doll] bwup-bwa! [talks in girly voice] Hello! How are... [regular voice] Oh! Kay. That is great. That is good stuff. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: In five years, I'd like to be... five years sober. Jan: That is an excellent goal. Meredith: Four and a half. Kelly: I'll tell you one thing. I am not going to be one of those women schlepping her kids around in a minivan. Jan: Great! Uh-huh? Kelly: I want an SUV... with three rows of seats. Women: [general murmuring of agreement] [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Well, I'll be honest. One of the goals of these women seminars is to feel out if there's any standouts. Women who could be a valuable addition to our Corporate life. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Michael wants us to bond so we need topics for conversation. Jim: Ponies. Dwight: No. Ryan: How about rainbows? Dwight: No. Jim: Flowers. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: It's dangerous, Michael. Come on, get off this. Michael: Hey, you're going to, going to hurt yourself. Darryl: Mike. Michael: Stand clear. Darryl: Mike. Get off of the lift. Please. Come on now. Michael: I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm fine. Darryl: Look, would ya... look. Michael: Oh, oh, oh! We'll get somebody to clean that up. Darryl: We're the ones that got to clean that up! Lonny: Dammit, Michael! Michael: We ought to have this thing serviced. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So! Guy's gripe session. Here we are. Now, we definitely live in different worlds but we have a lot in common. We even like the same girls, some of us. That's going to happen, you know. We're guys, so... Madge: Hey, do you want me to go? Michael: No, why? Why would I... ? You could... Madge: I'll go. Michael: Stay or... [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: ...and a big walk-in closet. Meredith: Oh, that's part of my dream too. Kelly: Oh, me too. Jan: Great, great. And Pam, what about you? What is your dream? Pam: Well... I always dreamed of a house with a terrace upstairs. Plant flowers on it... stuff like that. Since I was a girl. Um... More seriously though, a husband that I love... Roy. And I love to draw. And I... I did a little in college and I'd still love to do something where I could work with art or graphic design in some way. Phyllis: She's real good. Pam: Thanks. Jan: You know the company is offering a design training program in New York. Pam: Well... I have a job right now, so I can't really take time off... Jan: Well, it's only on weekends and then a few weeks in New York, but I'm sure that I could ask Corporate to help you out. Pam: Well... it's just that the weekends aren't good because, um... Jan: There are always a million reasons not to do something. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Let's start with the Warehouse. What bothers you as guys, you know? Darryl: My priority is safety. Michael: OK. Darryl: So it really bothers me when somebody comes in here speeding around on a lift, playing with it like a toy. It kind of gets under my skin. Michael: OK, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah shhh... Darryl: Uh uh uh. Don't shush me. Michael: I... That was just... Darryl: That bothers me too. Michael: I was breathing. Roy: Pam shushes me. It drives me crazy. Michael: I hate shushing. You know, that's the thing! What the... ok... what is our beef as human men. Lonny: You know that's a good question, Hasselhoff. What bugs us? Michael: OK. Alright. Good. Guys ragging on each other. That's what guys do... and we love it. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: All right. Let's talk about clothing. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: I'm excited about today. [whispers] I love girl talk. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. All right. You can use your clothing to send a message about your ambitions by wearing clothes that reflect what you aspire to be. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: I'm not gaining anything from this seminar. I'm a professional woman. The head of accounting. I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life. I just think it's insulting that Jan thinks we need this. And, apparently, judging from her outfit, Jan aspires to be a whore. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: I hate it when girls insist on taking them out to new restaurants every weekend night and then they're like "When are we going to go on a date-date?" Guy: I hate that too! [general clapping and agreement] Darryl: I hate that too. Kevin: That sucks so much. Guy: It totally sucks. Dwight: Yeah and then they make you drive them to Church the next morning. Like "Gas ain't free!" Lonny: Yeah, on our salaries, man, what do they expect? You know to take us out every weekend? You know what I mean? We're not millionaires. Michael: I feel you. Darryl: No, you don't. You don't feel us. How can you? You know what? Dwight: Not literally. Darryl: You say we're the same, but we get compensated very differently. Michael: Yes. Darryl: We work the same hours as you and you just said we work a lot harder Michael: Ah, you do. So... Darryl: But we get paid a lot less. Dwight: Word. Roy: Like next to no benefits. Michael: I know. God! What is that? Roy: Exactly. Michael: It blows. It blows, man. Gah... Darryl: You know this would not happen if we had a union. Roy: That's what I'm talking about. Michael: No. Whoa, whoa. Yeah. Roy: Absolutely. Darryl: That's what we need. Guy: You know you're right. Darryl: Man, see... That's what I've been sayin', man. We need to do this finally. Michael: You know what? Is that necessary? Because you already sorta have a union... of guys. Darryl: It's more than necessary, Mike. We need this. Roy? You still have that card from the Dockworker's Union? Roy: In my truck. Michael: Dockworker's? Darryl: Man, hook you up. Men: [generalized clapping] Guy: Come on, man. Michael: Yeah. You know what? I think the problem is the chicks. Darryl: Union! Union, yeah. Michael: The problem is the chicks. And you gotta blame them. Darryl: Are you with us Mike? Michael: Yeah-es. Darryl: Welcome to the warehouse. Group chant: Michael, Michael, Michael, Mi... [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Another issue is inequality of pay between men and women. I'm sure that all of you have felt that before... Michael: [knocks] This is important. Ladies, take a breather. Jan, I uh wanna... Can I help you? Um... I wanted to say that the guys downstairs are thinking about forming a union. And they have some good points... Jan: What? A union! What... Michael: Don't get hysterical. Jan: I'm not... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Part of my job is knowing how to talk to women. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Let's... be... rational... here. What are the pros? What are the cons? Jan: The cons are that everyone will lose their job. Michael. Everyone. Office, Warehouse. What do you think... the... pros... are... here? Michael: Don't talk to me that way please. Just... they're going to want to hear this from you. Jan: You got yourself into this Michael, so you get yourself out. Michael: But we're bonding down there! Jan: That's too bad. Michael: I mean I just don't want to have to tell them something they're not going to want to hear. Jan: I don't want to... Michael: Ok. Come on Jan. After all we've been through... Jan: Michael! Michael! Michael! Michael: We have a history... Jan: Michael. Michael: ...between us. Jan: Don't say another word. Michael: I won't Jan: Get yourself down stairs. Michael: I'm just saying we have something... Ok. Whatever. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: You know what... we could get this done a lot quicker if we formed a type of assembly line. Stanley: This here is a run-out-the-clock situation. Just like upstairs. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Sports metaphors are one of the ways women feel left out of the language of the office. Now, I know this might sound silly but a ... many women ask to go over it. So... Fumble means... Phyllis: Mistake. Meredith: Slip. Jan: Right. Par for the course is a golf term. It means right on track. Below par means worse. Wait... that should mean better, that doesn't make sense. Kelly: What about second base? Like if Michael said that he got to second base with you? Does that mean you like closed a deal? Jan: Excuse me? Kelly: I mean that's a baseball term, right? Jan: I don't know what Michael was talking about. I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [in the background] ...and you went to Chili's and he got to second base with you. Jan: [in the background] Kelly, I don't know what Michael's talking about. Kelly: [in the background] He told everybody so I just want to know is that a baseball term... Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey! Pam: How's it going down there? Jim: It's a complete... well, actually it's exactly what you'd expect, so... How are the girls? Pam: Good. We watched a video about our changing bodies. Jim: Did you really? Pam: No. [laughs] Jim: Oh. Pam: Almost. Jim: Good. Pam: Um... but hey? Something kind of cool. There's this internship in graphic design that Jan was telling us about. She made it sound, like, really great. Jim: Nice. Well, what's it all about? Pam: Um... Jim: I think you should do it. That's great! Pam: It's really cool. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Cold front coming into the Warehouse. Uh oh! Better put on your ski boots! Woohoohoowoo. Waaaah! Happy New Year, Darryl! Hey,Darryl. You ever done this? [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Are you married? Jan: I'm divorced. Phyllis: That must have been hard. Jan: It was. Yes. Kelly: You were probably feeling really depressed and sad and that's why you did that thing with Michael. Jan: I think you should all spend a little more time thinking about your careers and less time on personal stuff. Phyllis: Mmmm, I think we're all okay with the balance we've struck. Angela: At least you don't have kids. You have no kids, right? Thank God. Jan: Okay. Let's take five. I think we can all use five. Kelly: How can someone so beautiful be so sad? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hi. Jan: Did you take care of the situation? Michael: Yuh, yuh, yes! I... I have essentially... Jan: Excuse me. Michael: I have essentially. Yes. I've taken some... Jan: Excuse me. I've been told there's been some interest in forming a Union and that Michael supported it. Obviously he's not a friend of yours because he didn't tell you the facts. So let me. If there is even a whiff of unionizing in this branch, I can guarantee you the branch will be shut down like that [snaps her fingers]. They unionized in Pittsfield and we all know what happened in Pittsfield. It will cost each of you a fortune in legal fees and union dues and that will be nothing compared to the cost of losing your jobs. So I would think long and hard before sacrificing your savings and your futures just to send a message. If you have any further questions you can direct them to... to Michael. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Dreams are just that. They're dreams. They help get you through the day. Like the thing about the terrace. It's nice but... um... I don't know. It was just something I read in this book when I was twelve. The girl in the book has a terrace outside of her bedroom and she planted flowers on it and I just loved that. Just always kind of stuck with me. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So you're not doing it. Pam: How did you know? Jim: Why not? Pam: Just like no big reason. Just a bunch of little reasons. Jim: Come on. Pam: Roy's right. There's no guarantee it's going to lead to anything anyway. Jim: Roy said that. Pam: What? You have something you want to say? Jim: You got to take a chance on something sometime, Pam. I mean, do you want to be a receptionist here, always? Pam: Oh, excuse me! I'm fine with my choices! Jim: You are? Pam: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: It's impractical. I'm not going to try to get a house like that. Um... they don't even make houses like that in Scranton. So, I'm never going to... . [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I'm just going to put this over there. Darryl: This is not a good idea right here. Michael: You did uh... okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Pizza. Great equalizer. Rich people love pizza. Poor people love pizza. White people love pizza. Black people love pizza. Do black people like pizza? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey. Um... look guys, I'm sorry. Sometimes Jan can be such a bitch. All the Men: Generalized mumbling agreement. Yeah. Michael: Hey, watch it, watch it. We have a relationship. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Thank you to our hosts. Darryl: Hey Michael. This ain't over. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ahhh! Excellent. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Is it good to be back. Yeah. I mean I love the guy stuff but to run an office you need men and women. You know why? Because you need to have that crazy sexual tension to keep things interesting. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. Uh... hold, please.

Jan comes to Scranton to lead a seminar for the women in the office. Michael becomes upset when he is left out, and decides to host his own seminar for the men. When he tries to rally the staff to unionize, Jan's threat of a lawsuit ends the attempt. Later, after Jan recommends to Pam that she should enter a graphic design course, Roy persuades her not to go through with it.

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_02x10

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_02x10_0

Manny is in Ms. Kwan's classroom MS. KWAN: But for many writers, romance isn't so simple. Is is often a confusing experience. (Manny picks up her book. There is a knock at the door.) CRAIG: (Coming in) Excuse me, Ms. Kwan. I'm sorry to interrupt. (Manny lowers her book and looks at him. The lighting becomes purplish, piano music starts playing, and suddenly Craig is in a tuxedo) But I've come to collect my one and only true love. (Starts walking to Manny, who's now in an evening gown. He begins to sing) Won't you be my Cinderella? Could I kiss you, Manuela? (He extends his hand and she accepts it, standing up) MANNY: (singing) You can tease me however. (Craig pulls her close to him) You must love me CRAIG AND MANNY: (Singing) Forever. MANNY: (singing) Forever. Back to reality CRAIG: I need to get that. MANNY: Pardon me? CRAIG: The AV cart behind you. Mr. Simpson sent me to get it and, um, you're on the cord. MANNY: Oh. (Moves her chair) CRAIG: Yeah, you could just move it. (Collects cord) Mr. Simpson's room. Emma looks out the door EMMA: He's coming. (Mr. Simpson walks in) TOBY: Mr. Simpson, something terrible has happened to your computer. MR. SIMPSON: (sits at his computer, with half the class looking over his shoulder) JT, did you e-mail me naked baboon pictures again? EMMA: It's serious. I think your computer has a virus. (On the computer, there's animation of Mr. Simpson and Emma's Mom on a weeding cake with hearts. The wedding march is playing.) MR. SIMPSON: (smiling) You had me going? Who did this? EMMA: (elbows Toby) So you're not upset that I told everyone you and Mom got engaged? MR. SIMPSON: No, it's sweet. Thank-you. MANNY: How does it feel Mr. Simpson? I mean, you find your one true love? MR. SIMPSON: Well, I just hope someday that you all find someone who truly makes you happy. (The bells rings) Ok, we still have stuff to learn today... (Manny's notebook is open. The page has "Craig" written all over it.) Emma and Manny are walking in the hallway EMMA: The ring is so nice. It's a diamond solitaire with platinum settings. Mr. Simpson let me help him pick it out. MANNY: he checked with you before he proposed? EMMA: No, because he didn't propose. My mom did. MANNY: Your mom did? (Not sincere) Oh, that's cool. EMMA: Women can propose too. MANNY: I know, but it's not as romantic. EMMA: Because my mom saw what she wanted and went for it? Why not? (Craig and Sean walk by. Manny and Craig smile at each other) I think Craig really likes you. MANNY: Then why doesn't he just ask me out? Ugh, this is torture. EMMA: Manny, this is what we just talked about. You know what you want, so go for it. (Leaves) Ellie is sitting at a table outside reading. Marco comes up to her and notices the book MARCO: My favorite letter's E. ELLIE: (turns page, then reads) E is for Ernest, who choked on a peach. (Marco sits down) You like Edward Gorey? MARCO: I love him. I mean, his stuff is the perfect balance between dark and funny. ELLIE: Kwan thought it was too morbid for my book report. MARCO: So small-minded, huh? ELLIE: Not like you and me. MARCO: catch you later. (Gets up and walks past table with Hazel and Paige) HAZEL: What do you think of Marco? PAIGE: Kinda cute, I guess. HAZEL: I think he's really cute. PAIGE: Which poses the question: cute, smart, nice, and still single? HAZEL: Not for long. Hazel's on the case. I think I need help with my math homework. (She gets up and talks to Marco, which Ellie sees.) Mr. Simpson's class. On a computer screen we see a message- "S as in Secret I admire. You, from A-afar. XO Bad-Rhymer" It's Ellie's computer. Ashley sees the message as she sits down ASHLEY: Personal e-mail during class? You're such a rebel Nash. ELLIE: You know me. ASHLEY: No, cuz I had no idea you liked someone. Who? (Ellie doesn't answer) You're embarrassed. ELLIE: No. ASHLEY: And you're shy. Ellie Nash. Wow. ELLIE: I've never liked anyone like this before. It's weird. ASHLEY: It's love. ELLIE: It's none of your business. Shut up. (Ashley smiles. Ellie sends e-mail. Marco receives it, looks perplexed, then looks at Hazel. She smiles and waves. Ellie sees this and is disappointed.) MR. SIMPSON: (coming in) Sorry I'm late. (He's wearing rubber gloves and waders) Flood in the men's washroom. Not a pretty picture. Manny is putting on lip-gloss at her locker. Light goes purplish again. The same piano music starts to play. Craig walks up to her in the tux and hands her a rose CRAIG: For you. MANNY: Oh. (Pause) Do you like me? CRAIG: Like you? Manny, I think I love... Back to reality. Manny sees Craig talking to Ashley, then Ashley leaves. Manny shuts her locker and goes up to Craig MANNY: (sounding determined) Craig, I like you. (Craig looks surprised and Manny's determination is gone.) I can't believe I just said that. (Starts to back away) Well, nice talking to you? (Walks away, embarrassed) CRAIG: Wait, Manny. (Follows her) I... um. I like you too. MANNY: (screams in a girly way) Oh, sorry, sorry. I'm such a ditz. CRAIG: No, no. It was cute. MANNY: So, Craig. Tonight. Wanna catch a movie? At the mall? CRAIG: Movie? Sure. (Pauses) Oh, you mean with you? (Smile is wiped of Manny's face) I dunno. (Pauses) Kidding. I'm kidding. MANNY: (smiles with a nervous laugh) Ok, you so had me there. CRAIG: I couldn't resist. MANNY: So pick me up at Emma's house. Seven? (Walks away) Marco and Ellie are in the library ELLIE: I'll talk about high and low pressure systems colliding. MARCO: (unenthusiastically) Yeah, cool. Uh, Elle. I got this really weird e-mail and it's sort of confusing me. ELLIE: What does it say? MARCO: S and in secret I admire. You from A-afar. XO bad-Rhymer. ELLIE: Wow. Cryptic. MARCO: Yeah, which is cool. But what does it mean? ELLIE: Someone likes you? MARCO: Ok, so why tell me like that? ELLIE: E-mail's anonymous. Afraid of the response, it keeps you a step away. MARCO: You mean, you do that too? ELLIE: Telling someone you like them is hard. MARCO: Yeah, yeah it is. Craig's house. He comes bouncing down the stair to the kitchen wearing a dress shirt and putting on a suit coat. Joey is on the phone and Angela is sitting down, coloring JOEY: Sorry Bianca. It didn't work out. You have to stop calling me now, alright? Good--bye. (Hangs up phone) I should have ended it weeks ago. Let that be a lesson. What are you all dressed up for? CRAIG: A date. My first. JOEY: Hey. Congratulations. (Shakes his hand) So you finally asked that Ashley girl out? CRAIG: No. Manny asked me out. JOEY: Manny? Isn't she a bit young for you? CRAIG: Just 11 months Joey. Just 11 months. JOEY: Alright, age ain't nothing but a number. ANGELA: (Showing Craig a picture she colored of a cow and her stuffed animal cow) Look at Mr. Moo Moo Craig. Mr. Moo Moo Craig. CRAIG: (laughs) very nice. JOEY: So she asked you out. Check out Craig, super stud. Takes after his step dad. Just be back by 10. I'm serious. (Phone rings) Emma's house. Emma is doing Manny's make-up MANNY: So you know what to say if my parents call? EMMA: Manny, we've been through it. MANNY: And what if your mom comes home? EMMA: She's out till 11 with Mr. Simpson. Don't worry. MANNY: (makes nervous noise, then gets up and presents herself) So? EMMA: Craig doesn't have a chance. MANNY: I'm trying not to freak, but this is the first boy who's ever liked me. EMMA: And he won't be the last. Trust me. (Doorbell rings and they both engage in girly screaming) MANNY: he's here. he's here. Go get it. (Emma opens door) CRAIG: hey, uh, I heard screaming. EMMA: That's the tv. (Manny checks her breath. Craig comes in. Emma pushed Manny into his view) CRAIG: Manny, you (pause) you look incredible. MANNY: You too. CRAIG: Oh, I almost forgot. (Hands her a rose) This is for you. EMMA: That is too picture perfect. (Pushes Manny next to Craig and grabs camera) Smile. (Takes picture) CRAIG: You ready for our date? MANNY: I am so ready. [SCENE_BREAK] School hallway: Manny, Emma and Liberty are walking together MANNY: At first I was so nervous. But them I got into it. And by the end, I just knew. Craig was the one. LIBERTY: So you're girlfriend, boyfriend now? EMMA: It's official? You've talked to him? MANNY: No, but I don't have to. I just know. That's what falling in love is all about. Outside: Craig joins Jimmy and Spinner at a table for lunch JIMMY: Check out the quiet man. SPINNER; He hasn't said a word all day. CRAIG: Sorry. I, um... I got a lot on my mind. (Spinner and Jimmy hear the girls laughing and look over at them) SPINNER: Ah, I get ut. Craig is lost in love with little Miss Santos. JIMMY: It must have been a seriously hot date. CRAIG: Hot? No, I'd say the best was to describe our date is (pause) bizarre. Back to the girls MANNY: The only way to describe our date is magical. I thought we'd just go to the mall, see a movie. Nothing special. And then we get there and... Manny and Craig enter the mall to find a carnival MANNY: Oh my gosh. The carnival is on! CRAIG: So you don't wanna see the movie? MANNY: And miss all this? I love the balloons and the clowns. (Leads him to funhouse mirror) Oh, look. (Leads him to cotton candy vender) And the cotton candy, It's so delicious. CRAIG: So delicious. (Realizing that she wants some) One cotton candy please. (Gives it to Manny, who takes a piece off to feed to Craig) No, no. It's for you. MANNY: Don't be silly. (Feeds it to him. Her voice become a voice-over) The most incredible thing happened. My fingers brushed his lips. And I thought I would die. Back to the boys CRAIG: Maybe you can help figure it out. Manny looked so awesome. And I was happy to be with her. But then... Manny and Craig enter the mall again MANNY: (sounding like a little kid the entire scene) The carnival is on! CRAIG: Wait, so we're not gonna see the movie? MANNY: And miss all this? I love the balloons and the clowns. (Drags him to funhouse mirror) Look. (Giggles stupidly, then goes over to cotton candy vender) And the cotton candy. Yummy yum yum. CRAIG: (weirded out) Yeah. Yummy yum yum. (Manny takes off a huge piece of cotton candy) No, no. It's for you. MANNY: Don't be silly. (Shoves it in His mouth) CRAIG: (voice-over) The cotton candy incident. She nearly choked me with it. Back to the boys, who are laughing JIMMY: Look on the bright side, dude. If it was the candy apple, you would have been dead. CRAIG: You think that's funny? You're gonna love this. (He throws his lunch bag into the garbage, which becomes a ball winning the ball toss at the carnival) MANNY: Woo! Go Craig go! Today ball toss, tomorrow the world. You're, like, I dunno, the next famous pitcher guy or something. (Worker hands Manny a stuffed horse as a prize) Oh, this is the best. It's so cute. It's name is Wuzzy Horse. I already have Piggy Pig and Lamby Lamb. (Notices Craig's confused look) You know, the Fluffy Fluff collection? CRAIG: (voice-over) I thought she'd never stop talking. MANNY: It's the best gift. Thanks Craig. (Craig checks his watch) Am I talking too much? CRAIG: What? No, it's just (pause) It's your turn to win me... whatever. Just try not to throw it too hard, ok? (Manny grabs a ball and throws it. It bounces off the wall and hits Craig in the head) Oh. (Grabs head) MANNY: Oh, oh. Craig, I am so sorry. CRAIG: No, it's ok. (He sits down and Manny examines the bump on his head. Craig's voice becomes a voice-over) Then I looked into her eyes and I saw how beautiful she was... (Manny leans in for a kiss) Back to the boys CRAIG: I mean, the thing is, I do like her. Just (pause) she's a bit young. JIMMY: Only by a year, dude. CRAIG: You wanna know the real reason I couldn't kiss her. (Pause) She reminds me of my five year-old half sister. JIMMY: Right. Spinner: Uh, that's messed up. JIMMY: Yeah. SPINNER: Don't say that ever again. CRAIG: Yeah, I know. That's the problem, cuz she's also really sweet. So, what do I do? The girls are at Manny's locker. Manny is looking at the rose Craig gave her EMMA: I can't believe he gave you a rose. MANNY: Craig is a true romantic. (Pause) I just wish the date had ended better. LIBERTY: Why? What happened? MANNY: More like, what didn't happen. At the mall, Craig wins the ball toss MANNY: Today ball toss, tomorrow the world. (Worker hands her the prize) Oh, this is the best. My favorite thing. Cuz you won it. Thanks Craig. (Craig looks at his watch) Am I talking too much? CRAIG: Not at all. It's your turn. Just try not to throw it too hard, ok? (Manny throws ball. It bounces off the wall and hits Craig's head) Oh, dear. That smarts. MANNY: Craig, I'm so sorry. CRAIG: No, it's ok. It's ok. MANNY: I'm really, really sorry. (Craig sits down and Manny examines wound. She leans in for a kiss) CRAIG: Manny, um. I should get you home. (Manny pulls away) Back to the girls EMMA: I bet he wanted to, but he just wanted to get you back to my house on time, which I think is cool. LIBERTY: Absolutely. Craig has my two favorite qualities: passion and punctuality. MANNY: That's why he's my guy. Mr. Simpson's class. Ellie is writing another e-mail: "M is for Marco. Z is for zen garden. Meet me after school." She send it to Marco, who smiles when he receives it Hallway: Manny smells her rose at her locker. Craig comes up to her and she puts the flower away CRAIG: Manny. MANNY: Hey you. Where've you been? Did you miss me? I missed you. CRAIG: Everybody's talking about us. MANNY: Yeah. They say we're Degrassi's hottest new couple. CRAIG: Yeah. (Emma is nearby at her locker, and can hear from Craig's voice that he doesn't bring good news) MANNY: I'm embarrassed too. People talking like this. But I had such an amazing time. The carnival, the gift. It was like the best night of my life. And all because of you. CRAIG: (doesn't know what to say) Great. Well... I'll see you later. (Walks away) MANNY: Great. (To Emma) That was... weird. EMMA: Maybe Craig's not really into this. MANNY: No. no. He's just moody. EMMA: Maybe you should slow down. You know, before you get hurt. MANNY: No, he just needs cheering up. Which I'm great at. (Walks away) Ellie is sitting in zen garden alone. Marco sees her from inside and goes out to her MARCO: (sounding surprised) Hey. What are you doing? ELLIE: (avoiding eye contact) Nothing. MARCO: because I was supposed to meet Hazel and... ELLIE: I know. MARCO: Yeah? ELLIE: I kinda know firsthand, actually... MARCO: Ellie, have you been the one writing me? (Ellie gets up and walks away) Ellie... Outside school: Ellie's phone rings and she picks it up ELLIE: Hello? MARCO: (just on the phone) Ellie. ELLIE: I hope you're calling to tell me about your sudden case of amnesia. (There is a figure in the background, that's slowly coming closer) MARCO: No. ELLIE: I wish I had amnesia. I don't take rejection well. MARCO: Ellie, turn around. (She does and sees Him coming towards her) I didn't reject you. ELLIE: Felt like it. MARCO: Of course it did. You didn't let me finish. ELLIE: But you were... MARCO: I was gonna meet Hazel to tell her that, well, to tell her that she's not my type. I mean, I go for cool, alternative (hangs up phone because he's close enough for her to hear him) girls like Ellie Nash. ELLIE: Oh. I'm such an idiot. MARCO: No. If you were, would I still ask you out? (Takes her phone and hangs it up) For C, as in coffee? Craig walks to his locker to see it being decorated by Manny MANNY: How was photography club? CRAIG: What happened to my locker? MANNY: I thought it'd cheer you up. ASHLEY: (walking up) I hope I'm not interrupting. You said you wanted to sign this? (Hands him clipboard) CRAIG: Yeah, the petition protesting GM foods, right? (Signing then giving it back to Ashley) MANNY: GM? ASHLEY: It stands for "genetically modified." MANNY: Does that make them good? ASHLEY: (to Craig) I'll see you later. (Walks away) MANNY: I don't think you should talk to her anymore. CRAIG: Uh, she's in my class. MANNY: So, what are we doing Friday night? (Craig just slightly shakes his head) You're moody again. Is it your locker? You don't like it? CRAIG: No, Manny. I'm sorry. (Pause) But it's not my locker I don't like. It's you. (Manny is crushed)

After crushing on him for months, Manny finally decides to ask Craig out; the next day, each remembers the evening differently while recapping it for their friends. Ellie writes anonymous love notes to Marco, but he thinks they came from Hazel.

fd_Bones_04x05

fd_Bones_04x05_0

"The Perfect Pieces in the Purple Pond" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER. (Interior of an abandoned warehouse.) TODD: That was great. You were great. So maybe we can do it again? KAREN: The others are coming, right? TODD: (hopping up and down a bit) We still got time. KAREN: What is the matter with you? TODD: I gotta take a leak. KAREN: Go! TODD: It's not my fault they made the GargantuGulps so gargantuous. (He begins to exit). KAREN: It doesn't seem to bother me any. Microbladder. TODD: (jogs out of the warehouse. TODD steps up to an evaporation pool and unzips his jeans. He urinates into the pool. We see the water turning purple.) KAREN! KAREN: WHAT? TODD: (yelling) Are you sure I'm the only guy you've ever had s*x with? KAREN: Why? (We look at the water again. A human hand reaches up out of the purple water.) TODD: Oh my god. (Two more body parts appear. TODD runs back and we see a torso and numerous other parts have surfaced.) TODD: KAREN! KAREN! [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. McKinley Psychiatric Hospital.) ZACK: As I've told you many times before Doctor Sweets, I do feel remorse. SWEETS: But not for stabbing a man in the heart. ZACK: No, for succumbing to the faulty logic that persuaded me that his death was desirable. SWEETS: You know a sane person would regret murdering someone more than being taken in by a line of crap. ZACK: Define 'crap'. SWEETS: Drivel, blarney, nonsense, uh, balderdash, twaddle, bull, bunkum, hooey. Like that. ZACK: Now I realize it was drivel, blarney, nonsense, balderdash, twaddle, bull, bunkum, hooey. Then I perceived it as logic. SWEETS: (Goes to stand.) How are your hands? ZACK: I estimate that I've regained almost 60% full function. Which is not bad for hands that were torn apart by an explosion. (SWEETS is by the locked door, swiping a key card. A red light denies him access.) SWEETS: You know you'll only be released from this psychiatric institution (he tries again) if we cure you of your delusions. (He raps on the door.) My card isn't working! Hello? ZACK: I was wrong, not delusional. (SWEETS just looks at him. The door is opened by a male ORDERLY in scrubs.) ORDERLY: Your card must have expired, Doctor Sweets. SWEETS: (looks at the card) Thank you. (Then at ZACK) Well, perhaps you should consider that your delusion is that you're not delusional. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. same abandoned warehouse from teaser.) BOOTH: How many pieces in total? AGENT: Twelve. Interesting anomaly, no head. BRENNAN: No head? That's odd. AGENT: Which is why I said 'anomaly'. BOOTH: Hey, you don't need to be snippy with my partner, pal. BRENNAN: Booth, it's alright. Woah, what's wrong with your back? BOOTH: Oh, nothing. BRENNAN: Well you're walking as if you've strained your intertransverse ligament. I might be able to help with that. BOOTH: No I should never have gone down that small slide with Parker. I'll be fine; it's just nothing, okay? AGENT: Body parts were found in this evaporation pool. BOOTH: That's purple! AGENT: Yeah, kid said it turned purple when he peed in it. BRENNAN: For future reference, this is more of an anomaly than a missing head. AGENT: Sad comment on your life, Doc. BOOTH: Again, snippy. You know, if my back wasn't bad, I would hit you. BRENNAN: Booth! I can take care of myself. (Beat.) Size of the limbs suggest that our victim is a fully-grown male. BOOTH: What is with the purple water? BRENNAN: Hodgins can analyze it. AGENT 2: Cell phone, Doctor Brennan. BOOTH: Alright don't tell me, you want the entire purple pond drained and shipped back to the Jeffersonian. BRENNAN: No, I think a small sample will do. BOOTH: Great! BRENNAN: Although... Skulls are heavy; the head could have sunk to the bottom. You are correct. We should drain it. BOOTH: We're draining it. Drain it. (Muttering) Oh, man. [SCENE_BREAK] (Opening Credits) [SCENE_BREAK] (Open, Int. Medico-Legal Lab, platform.) ANGELA: The ends of his fingers look burned. BRENNAN: Torture? WENDALL: Sometimes guys try to conceal their identity by losing their fingerprints. BRENNAN: Mr Bray is my brightest scholarship student. ANGELA: Alright, these are children's shoes, but they're a size 11. CAM: So you think our victim was a giant toddler? BRENNAN: No, that would show up in the bones. CAM: (to WENDALL) Sarcasm does not play well on the forensic platform. ANGELA: I tracked down the manufacturer in Sri Lanka, and guess what? Special order. CAM: Time of death, based on decomp, between two and four days. BRENNAN: All of the cuts to the skeleton are clean except for several incomplete slices to the C2 Vertebra WENDALL: Close to cutting off the head, the killer hesitates. CAM: Makes sense... gets easier after the first chop. BRENNAN: What did you glean from the x-rays? WENDALL: Slight spinal curvature, hypermobile extension joints, ah, cartilage deficiency, Ehler-Danlos Syndrome? CAM: We'll have the FBI check with local orthopedic physicians. (Enter HODGINS) HODGINS: The water turned purple because of a bottom growing algae called lemanea. Something agitated the algae so that it turned purple. BRENNAN: The young man who found the body urinated in the pool. HODGINS: Huh, well, average rate of flow for males under forty-five is what, it's 21 milliliters per second, so yeah, yeah that would be enough to disrupt the algae. CAM: Doctor Hodgins, have you moved yet? HODGINS: Nope. If you hand me those shoes, I can check for particulates. (Exit HODGINS.) BRENNAN: Where is Hodgins moving? ANGELA: Oh, Cam thinks that Hodgins should move into Zack's Ookey room. BRENNAN: Oh. Cam's right. I tell all of my grad students not to be distracted by the standard set by Zack. WENDALL: I don't know who that is. ANGELA: You and me, Wendell, we need to talk. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: transit, Int. Booth's SUV) BRENNAN: If your back doesn't hurt, then why are you letting me drive? BOOTH: Well, you know what? Don't get used to it, okay? I heal really, really fast. My guys, they didn't find the victim's head in the pool. Alright? But I put out a bulletin to orthopedic doctors within two hundred miles of the body drop- BRENNAN: Body parts drop. The victim was killed, chopped up and then dropped. What? BOOTH: Breaking in a new intern aren't you? BRENNAN: How did you know? BOOTH: Well, because, you know, you always get overly precise... that's how I usually know. Hey, so, you want me to uh, talk to them, break them in a little bit? BRENNAN: No, Booth, you don't need to fix everything for everyone all the time. You know? I can handle myself. BOOTH: Partners watch out for each other. BRENNAN: Well, if that were true, you'd let me fix your back. BOOTH: My back is fine, alright? All I need is an aspirin, a hot bath, maybe a nice single malt scotch. We cross referenced (mispronounced) Ehler-DanlosSyndrome- BRENNAN: (correcting) Ailers-Donlohs BOOTH: - those, those kiddy Ange tracked down, okay, we came up with this guy here. BRENNAN: Oh, Jared Addison, twenty-five years old. BOOTH: Watch the road! BRENNAN: What, I am watching the road. I am an excellent driver. BOOTH: (simultaneously) Twenty-five years old. Oh, well you're not; you're looking at the screen. Well I'm guessing that that's our victim. (Both exhale.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Exterior JARED ADDISON's residence. MRS ADDISON rises from her gardening.) MRS ADDISON: My son was diagnosed with Ehler-Danlosin his teens. Are you sure it's Jared? BOOTH: (holding up a picture of the shoes) Do you recognize these shoes? MRS ADDISON: Jared ordered them specially. BRENNAN: This distinct footwear in combination with Ehler-Danlosand other markers indicate that the remains we found belonged to your son. BOOTH: We're very sorry for your loss. If you need a moment... BRENNAN: It would be helpful if we could see your son's room. (BOOTH and BRENNAN exchange a glance. MRS ADDISON nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. JARED ADDISON's bedroom. MRS ADDISON reveals three rows of the same shoes.) BOOTH: Woah. MRS ADDISON: you can see why I recognized the shoes. BOOTH: Mrs Addison, your son died days ago. Why didn't you report him missing? MRS ADDISON: I had no idea Jared was missing. BOOTH: Well he lives here with you, right? MRS ADDISON: Jared was a novelist. He was finishing a book. He checked into a hotel so I wouldn't bother him. I had no idea anything was wrong. BRENNAN: Your son was Jared Addison the cult science fiction novelist? BOOTH: Wait a second; on the back here it says that he lived in the Caribbean on a boat. BRENNAN: No, that's not your son. (Beat.) Obviously the publisher hired an impersonator and came up with some romantic cover story.] BOOTH: How'd you know that? BRENNAN: My publisher wanted to do the same thing with me. MRS ADDISON: Jared's publisher dropped him after his second book. Jared was feeling a lot of pressure to make this one great, maybe try to get him back. BOOTH: Listen, Mrs Addison, with your permission I'd like to bring someone in here to take a look over your son's room. You know, an expert. BRENNAN: W-what kind of expert? BOOTH: You know, Bones, an expert. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab, Hodgins' workspace) HODGINS: I found coffee grounds, and sea kelp in the treads of the vic's shoes. CAM: So, before the giant toddler was killed he was brewing coffee on the seashore? HODGINS: Yes, that's it precisely. Case closed. Also, I found a tiny fly egg smaller than any of the eggs of any of the flies common to where we found the body parts. CAM: Where is this fly egg from? HODGINS: In order to answer that, I have to hatch it. CAM: Seriously? HODGINS: I'm an entomologist. I have to hatch this insect egg in order to identify an important piece of evidence in a murder investigation. Where's the funny in that? CAM: I know you're upset about breaking up with Angela, Doctor Hodgins, and I know you're upset about losing Zack, but despite your personal problems, this is a workplace and your attitude leaves a lot to be desired. HODGINS: Fine, if you want to make a change, you make a change. Otherwise, you let me do my job, and hatch this egg. (Beat. CAM walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. JARED ADDISON's bedroom.) SWEETS: These action figurines? They're awesome. BOOTH: Still living at home there, huh Sweets? SWEETS: No, I have my own place. And before that, I lived with a woman, alright? BRENNAN: Was that woman your mother? BOOTH: Yeah, your mommy? SWEETS: No, she most definitely was not my mother. (Beat.) If our victim's twenty-five years old, I'd assume he was mentally slow? BRENNAN: Given the complexity of his novels, I'd estimate his IQ to be higher than yours. SWEETS: Then Booth is right - something else is wrong. BOOTH: Ha, full speed ahead Sweets. Alright, let me have it - come on. SWEETS: It goes without saying! Everything is perfectly aligned. Obsessive compulsive. BRENNAN: How does this help us? SWEETS: People with OCD repeat patterns in their lives in order to stave off psychological panic. Now, if we ask which of Jared Addison's set patterns have recently been disrupted... we may very well discover what got him killed. BRENNAN: No, we can't ask Jared Addison. He's dead SWEETS: She is WICKED literal, huh? BOOTH: Okay, hey, it's her process, don't be mean to her. BRENNAN: Booth! BOOTH: I'm not defending, I'm just explaining. BRENNAN: I can defend- you were defending. BOOTH: I was explaining. SWEETS: Woah, this is an interesting development in your interpersonal behaviors. BRENNAN: No, what's more interesting is that Booth's back hurts and he won't let me fix it. BOOTH: No, none of this is interesting, okay? Look, I just want to know what mojo disrupted crazy boy's pattern. SWEETS: My first guess? At his age? s*x. BOOTH: s*x. SWEETS: "Crazy boy"'s offensive, by the way. BRENNAN: His mother didn't mention a girlfriend. (Beat.) What's wrong with him? BOOTH: Sweets, what are you doing? SWEETS: I'm putting myself in the mind of an Obsessive Compulsive in order to figure out where I might conceal a memory enhancer, a psychosexual proxy. BOOTH: Right... right... what's that mean? BRENNAN: Masturbatory aid. BOOTH: Oh! Check the shoes. BRENNAN: What? SWEETS: Good. BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: He's not going to find it in the shoes. (SWEETS holds up an envelope.) BRENNAN: Do all boys keep their masturbatory aids in their shoes, or is that particular to you? BOOTH: Oh, that's for me to know and you to find out. SWEETS: Miss Kelly Sutton. There's a phone number, and an email address, and a, a list of sexual suggestions. BOOTH: Woah, BRENNAN: What, you're surprised he has a girlfriend? BOOTH: Well, I wouldn't exactly call her a girl. (A photograph shows a woman much older than JARED ADDISON's age bracket.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. FBI interrogation room.) KELLY: I loved Jared. The age difference bothers you? BOOTH: Well Mrs Addison said that Jared wasn't really all that interested in you. KELLY: She said that I was pursuing Jared, didn't she? Fact is, Jared wanted to marry me. (SWEETS and BRENNAN, behind one-way glass) SWEETS: One study showed that in 45% of successful American marriages, the woman was at least five years older than her husband. BRENNAN: Older women are sexually experienced and less inhibited- SWEETS: (mouths) yeah... BRENNAN: Younger men have a greater s*x drive and they can keep up. SWEETS: I know quite a bit about older women. The woman I lived with was twenty-six, so... BOOTH: (on the other side of the glass, coughs) SWEETS: Oh. Sorry. (He turns off the transmitter to Booth's earpiece.) BOOTH: So, how did you meet? KELLY: Well I help out my son at his florist and nursery, and Jared came in to buy an orchid for his mother. He was full of anxiety. SWEETS: (through transmitter) Probably about microbes, Booth. BOOTH: Oh, afraid of germs? KELLY: I picked out an orchid and I took it out to his car, and he was very appreciative. And I thought he was just adorable, so I asked him out to dinner and the rest is history. He fell in love with me and I responded. BOOTH: Jared's mother thought he was at the hotel writing his book, but uh, there's no record of him checking in. KELLY: He was at the hotel, but for a conference... BOOTH: Right, with the uh, Science Fiction writers. KELLY: No, for behavior modification. SWEETS: If he was trying to overcome his- (turns on transmitter) if he was trying to overcome his psychological issues, that might have threatened her. BOOTH: With your support. KELLY: Of course. (Beat.) Look, I only wanted what was best for Jared. I'm not a crazy person. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab, Bone Room.) WENDALL: I've looked at the remains over and over and I can't find any cause of death. BRENNAN: Without the head, we many never discover cause of death, and without cause of death, it's much less likely that we'll solve the crime. WENDALL: This fracture, on the right metacarpal in the last two fingers? It's got a nickname. The 'boxers fracture'. It happens if you slug someone without keeping your wrist dead straight. Yeah, so. BRENNAN: How did you know that? WENDALL: I fought Golden Gloves when I was a kid. If you x-ray my hand, it don't look much different than this. BRENNAN: I don't expect anyone to live up to Zack's standards, Mr Bray, but that is extremely good work. (Beat.) Mr Bray, have you ever conducted a sexual relationship with a woman over twenty years older than yourself? (Beat.) I ask because anthropologically speaking, there's a correlation between physically aggressive young males and sexual preciosity. WENDALL: I'm pretty sure you aren't any twenty years older than me, Doctor Brennan. BRENNAN: Why would my age be relevant? (Beat.) Very good work on the boxer's fracture. (Exit BRENNAN.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. McKinley Psychiatric Hospital) ZACK: What did you bring me, Hodgins? HODGINS: (flips a written equation onto the table) Huh? Try and figure this one out. ZACK: The lemma on it's own is difficult to solve because the solution changes dependent up on whether or not the subsequent proposition is auxiliary or subsidiary. HODGINS: So I got you beat, right? Yep, that makes me king of the- (Beat.) - that, that makes me king. (Beat.) We're going to get you out of here someday, Zack, and you can be king again. ZACK: I know you're lying to make me feel better and not to be malicious. HODGINS: Want to hear about the case we're working on now? Body in twelve pieces, and get this - no head. ZACK: So thirteen pieces. (Beat.) The linear function must be bounded before you apply the Riesz representation. HODGINS: What? ZACK: The characteristic polynomial of a differential operator is not the same as the characteristic polynomial of a matrix. HODGINS: You solved it? ZACK: Yes. I'm king of the loony bin. HODGINS: Yeah you are. (Beat.) Hey, I got an idea. I'm going to leave the case file with you. It's got all the x-rays so far, all the data. Maybe you'll find something we missed, huh? ZACK: I've done that many times in the past. (Beat.) Angela says you and she aren't together anymore. HODGINS: Yeah, y'know. ZACK: I'm sorry things are going badly for you. (HODGINS laughs.) ZACK: Why are you laughing? HODGINS: My best friend is locked up in a loony bin, wearing gloves because he blew up his own hands, and he feels sorry for me. (He laughs. Beat.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. of a hotel, a behavior modification course.) PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Mud is not dangerous. Mud is not toxic, mud is not poisonous, mud will not hurt you. What you're going to do is you're going to dip your hand in the bucket and you're going to mix it around. Do it! BRENNAN: Look at the haemotoma on his left occipital. It's what you would call a shiner. BOOTH: I know, Bones. PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Now, take that mud. Rub it on your arms, on your legs, your stomach, your feet, get it in there. RALPH: No, no, no, I can't do it. I can't. PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Look, who's in control, Ralph, you or the OCD? RALPH: Oh god, oh god, oh god. PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Do you want to be ordered around by a disorder? RALPH: No. I want order, not disorder. PROFESSOR AMERIAN: I have been where you are, man. I have felt your fears. Now look at me now, you can do it too. (Ralph runs from the room.) Ralph. BOOTH: Ooh, we got a runner. PROFESSOR AMERIAN: You think you wanna follow Ralph? All of ya? But you don't want to do that; you do not want to do that. I know, because I'm one of you. BOOTH: Excuse me. Maybe you would like to follow me, I've a few questions for you. PROFESSOR AMERIAN: I'm a professor of Psychology at the University of Maryland. I received a grant to conduct trial research on methods of reforming OCD behavior. BOOTH: Was Jared Addison one of your students? PROFESSOR AMERIAN: I'm bound by patient confidentiality, I'm sure you understand. BRENNAN: Jared was chopped into pieces and tossed away into an industrial pool. BOOTH: Yeah, that's not one of your therapy exercises now is it? PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Oh wow, oh god, yes, yes, Jared was one of mine. He ah, I believe he was making progress despite severe misophobia. BOOTH: Misophobia, right, and that is... BRENNAN: The germ phobia. BOOTH: Right. PROFESSOR AMERIAN: He'd hold a flame under his fingertips after shaking hands; he would literally burn the germs away. BOOTH: When was the last time you saw Jared. PROFESSOR AMERIAN: It was Thursday afternoon. He took off right after we completed the toilet exercise. BOOTH: You mean he went to the bathroom. PROFESSOR AMERIAN: No. Each participant is required to pick a mint out of the toilet and hold it on their tongue for ten seconds. BOOTH: Maybe Jared gave you that shiner after you made him suck on a toilet mint. BRENNAN: We know he struck someone with his right hand. BOOTH: Yeah, just like this, right there (he strikes out with his fist but doesn't connect.) You see? Right there like that. PROFESSOR AMERIAN: I was punched by another participant who had an extreme reaction to the floor licking exercise. BRENNAN: Is it common for patients to attack you? PROFESSOR AMERIAN: It happens. There's a lot of stress involved, people break. BRENNAN: Some people would see what you do as torture. BOOTH: Yeah, maybe when Jared let you down, you broke. PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Let me down? Jared was my star patient! It's a tragedy he died before he could enjoy his new freedoms. RALPH: (entering) Excuse me. PROFESSOR AMERIAN: Ah, it's okay Ralph; we'll try again tomorrow. RALPH: I'm not here to apologies, Professor Amerian; I'm here to confess. I killed Jared. Can you please sterilize your handcuffs before taking me in? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. FBI Interrogation room.) SWEETS: Now I just want to say for the record that you're here of your own volition and have declined legal representation. (BOOTH and BRENNAN behind one-way glass.) BRENNAN: Why are you letting Sweets conduct this interrogation? BOOTH: Crazy guy, shrink, it's a no brainer. BRENNAN: Are we going to let Sweets interrogate all of our insane suspects? (SWEETS lifts his hand to his ear.) BOOTH: (into transmitter) Annoying, isn't it, Sweets? SWEETS: (Beat.) Why did you kill him? RALPH: I didn't mean to kill him. The fact is, if I don't eat at exactly 8.14am according to this watch, the person nearest to me dies. Professor Amerian told me not to eat until 9am according to this watch, and Jared was sitting next to me. SWEETS: You believe that's what killed him? RALPH: When you lock me up, I should either keep my watch or you should only put me next to terrible people who deserve to die. SWEETS: Did you by any chance dismember Jared after you killed him? RALPH: No, I just killed him. BOOTH: Oh no, we've gotta keep looking. BRENNAN: If Jared was having breakfast with Ralph, how come he never showed up for that day's session? SWEETS: Ralph, where did Jared go after you had breakfast together? RALPH: To the coffee bar in the lobby. SWEETS: Why? RALPH: To get coffee. BRENNAN: Hodgins found coffee grounds and sea kelp in the treads of Jared's shoes. [SCENE_BREAK] [Int. Hotel Lobby; coffee stand] BARRISTER: What can I get you? BRENNAN: A sample of your grounds. BOOTH: It's garbage, Bones. You don't need a warrant for garbage. BARRISTER: What's going on? BOOTH: FBI, Special Agent Booth. Do you recognize this man? BARRISTER: What did he do, lodge a complaint? Because I never actually hit the guy. I pushed him. On the chest, with maybe two fingers. A nudge. BRENNAN: Why did you push him? BARRISTER: The dude had me wash my hands with antibacterial soap before I started on his cappuccino. Then he had me redo it. Three times, because the cup was dirty. On the outside. Which it was not. Look at my cups. Pristine. BOOTH: So you pushed the dude for insulting your cups. BARRISTER: No. All of these OCDC people are the same. Complaining. Every day I'm throwing away perfectly good coffee. I'm going bankrupt. He did it to me one too many times and I cracked. Call it a crime of passion. BOOTH: So was that the last time you saw him? BARRISTER: Nope, guy came by here the other day, and we made nice. Thursday. He apologized to me; he even shook my hands without putting on rubber gloves. He was like a different guy. BRENNAN: Professor Amerian's methods were working. BARRISTER: Oh god, please keep that under your hat. That's all I need is for this place to become the coffee Mecca for the phobics. [SCENE_BREAK] [Int. Medico-Legal Lab, ANGELA's office.] ANGELA: Hey, Wendell, come in. What can I do for you? WENDALL: You said come to you with questions. (Beat.) I owe people money. ANGELA: That's not technically a question, so there's not much for me to go on. WENDALL: What I gotta do is keep my nose clean, graduate at the top of my class and get a good job so I can pay off that debt. ANGELA: You're worried about getting fired because you can't satisfy Doctor Brennan, right? WENDALL: ...never mind. [WENDALL exits. ANGELA follows into the hallway] ANGELA: Wendell, Wendell hold on. You never actually asked me a question. WENDALL: That guy, the psycho who helped the serial killer? ANGELA: Could you please not call Zack a psycho? Crazy as it sounds we all still love him. WENDALL: He was Doctor Brennan's boy toy, right? ANGELA: What, boy toy... as in sexual? (WENDALL nods. ANGELA laughs.) No. Where did you get- no. Absolutely not. WENDALL: Plus the FBI guy. ANGELA: Again, no. Wrong. WENDALL: Well then she hit on me. ANGELA: No, I don't think so. WENDALL: She looked me right in the eyes and asked me if I had any experience with older women. It's like if you want to work around here you gotta- ANGELA: Wendell, stop. You need to look for some alternative explanation for what you think happened between you and Brennan. And if you can't think of anything than you should just assume you're hallucinating. Or insane. Because she absolutely didn't hit on you. I'm glad we talked. [Exit ANGELA.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Int. Medico-Legal Lab, ANGELA's office.] CAM: You get anything off the victim's cell phone? ANGELA: I was able to recreate a call list from the sim. CAM: He only called one number. ANGELA: Once a day for thirty days at exactly the same time. CAM: Who is it? ANGELA: I called the number and recorded the answer. RECIEVER: Forward Retro Publishing, how may I direct your call? ANGELA: Does that mean anything to you? CAM: Yes. Forward Retro is the publisher that dropped Jared Addison after his second book. The one that never wanted to talk to him again. [SCENE_BREAK] [Int. FBI interrogation room.] TUSHMAN: Publishing game has changed. You know what I mean, Doctor Brennan. BRENNAN: No, I do not. BOOTH: Well, try me, Mr Tushman. TUSHMAN: Book-wise it's no longer about good writing, per se, it's about marketability. BRENNAN: Of the book. TUSHMAN: Of the author. There's a reason why your photo takes up the entire back cover of your books. BRENNAN: Because I'm a very good writer. TUSHMAN: You're serviceable. But your success is contingent upon your image as a hot scientist chick. BRENNAN: That's not true is it? BOOTH: No, of course not. Don't call my partner a "chick". What's the matter with you? TUSHMAN: Fine, fine, got it. The point is, I had to hire a guy to pretend to be Jared. Book tours, press, the geek flash at the nerd conventions. BOOTH: This guy (he points to the picture on the back of JARED ADDISON's book) TUSHMAN: Yeah, CD Howl. The deal I had with CD was to let him write his own stuff and you know what, it was good, he started selling, so I had to choose between Jared and CD. BOOTH: So you had no contact with Jared Addison after firing him. TUSHMAN: Absolutely none. BOOTH: And that's a lie. He called you every day. (BRENNAN lunges at TUSHMAN) Woah, Bones, ow. BRENNAN: Ask him what happened to his tooth. TUSHMAN: (Distorted somewhat) Uh, ugh, that's assault. Are your hands clean? BOOTH: Yeah, my partner wants to know what happened to your tooth. BRENNAN: Jared Addison punched him. TUSHMAN: I admit to that cause and effect situation. BOOTH: Why'd he punch you? BRENNAN: Probably because he said Jared was a bad writer. TUSHMAN: I didn't kill Jared, but you think I did because of a minor physical altercation. BOOTH: Okay... go ahead. You know what? Explain yourself. TUSHMAN: Jared came into my office and he told me he was cured of his OCD, he mentioned toilet candy... uh. He said he was willing to go out on the road, hustle the book however I wanted, I told him I wasn't interested, I'd heard it all before, and then he clapped me one. Didn't hurt either, and then I told him that I would take on his book. BRENNAN: Why did you change your mind after he hit you? BOOTH: So if I punched you, you'd read my manuscript? TUSHMAN: Jared hit me. With his bare hand. The old Jared Addison would have never done that. BRENNAN: You believed he was cured. TUSHMAN: Can you imagine the sales I'd have gotten off of revealing the real Jared Addison? Mm. I'd have made a fortune. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab, HODGINS' workstation) CAM: Doctor Hodgins, HODGINS: Shhh. My egg from the victim's shoes is hatching. CAM: You need quiet for that. HODGINS: No, I just thought it might stop you from talking. CAM: Pushing it, Doctor Hodgins, how's about we say you've found the line? (A beat. HODGINS concedes) HODGINS: This fly might tell us where Jared Addison was murdered. Oh, look, look, look, look. Hey there, little buddy. This is a white fly. It only lives in very warm, humid climates. CAM: Jared Addison's old lady girlfriend used to work in a nursery. HODGINS: Hey, Doctor Saroyan? I'm not moving into Zack's space. I'm not being difficult, I just, I can't do it. I hope you understand. CAM: I understand. I thought you being the one who moved in there would be easiest for Zack. HODGINS: Well, if he were a normal human, that might be true, but... CAM: (laughs) Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Crown Diner) ANGELA: Okay, here's the thing. This new guy, Wendell? He might be nuts. SWEETS: Hey Angela. Pickle? ANGELA: He thinks Brennan hit on him. SWEETS: Why does he think that? ANGELA: He says she asked him if he was interested in having s*x with an older woman. Which is impossible. Which I set him straight about, in no uncertain terms believe you me. SWEETS: I'm certain she did exactly that. ANGELA: No no. I've known Brennan for years, and there's no way, believe me she had a- SWEETS: Our murder victim was twenty-eight years younger than his girlfriend. Doctor Brennan was probably looking for insights in her, you know, clumsy yet endearing way. You might want to let Wendell know that you've misjudged him. In no uncertain terms. ANGELA: Huh. Well Wendell also says that he owes a lot of people a lot of money. And that he really needs this job. Like, the mob or something. SWEETS: Oh, no, no, no. Unless it's rampant paranoia, not my jurisdiction. But on the other thing I'm solid. ANGELA: You know, the last time I listened to you, you broke up me and Hodgins. SWEETS: No. ANGELA: Yeah. SWEETS: Angela. That wasn't my fault. I think you know that. ANGELA: Yeah. (Exit ANGELA). SWEETS: (Softly.) Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ext., MR SUTTON [KELLY SUTTON's SON]'s nursery.) BOOTH: Okay, what do you think? BRENNAN: Yeah, what do you think? HODGINS: Oh yeah. This is definitely an environment conducive to white fly. (He lets out a long whistle) I'll start taking some samples. SUTTON: Can I help you? BOOTH: Yeah, FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth. We have a warrant here to search the premises. SUTTON: Is this about Jared Addison's murder? BOOTH: Yup. (Beat. BRENNAN reaches down into compost) No no, Bones, don't touch that. You know there's tons of disgusting stuff and chemicals in that- SUTTON: Not here, our fertilizer's 100% organics. My own blend. BOOTH: Yeah, I bet. (BRENNAN puts some fertilizer on her tongue) Oh, there you go, now you're going to get sick, your stomach going to go upside down, it's going to be a mess. BRENNAN: Coffee. BOOTH: Coffee? BRENNAN: Sea kelp and coffee grounds. Jared Addison was here shortly before he died. SUTTON: Jared was my mom's boyfriend. Heavy emphasis on the "boy". BOOTH: Yeah, well, we heard that this place kinda freaked him out. SUTTON: All the germs, yeah, but he was here. I don't know if it was the dirt that made him squirm or the question but the kid toughed it out. BRENNAN: What question? SUTTON: He wanted my permission to marry mom. BOOTH: And what was your answer? SUTTON: I told him I thought it would be creepy to have a stepfather who was ten years younger than me. I told him he should forget about it and try to be normal. BRENNAN: You told him "no". SUTTON: I said no, he could not have my blessing. (Beat.) He was lucky I didn't conk him on the head and chop him up for fertilizer, but I didn't. HODGINS: White flies. I'll do some lab work, but they look to be the exact strain that I hatched at the lab. BOOTH: I'm sorry, but did you say you did conk him on the head? SUTTON: I said I didn't. BRENNAN: Booth? BOOTH: Yeah? BRENNAN: Flies on the shovel. BOOTH: Oh. We know that flies are attracted to manure, blood. BRENNAN: The flies are mostly on this shovel. It follows that there should be something different about this one. Will that warrant let me test the shovel? BOOTH: Well, yeah. It's out in the open, so it's fine. BRENNAN: I'm going to use phenolphthalein. It'll tell us if there's blood present on the shovel. (BRENNAN swabs the shovel and dips it in phenolphthalein. The liquid turns pink.) SUTTON: What's pink mean? HODGINS: It means you caved in Jared Addison's skull. BRENNAN: And/or removed his head. BOOTH: I'm going to have to ask you to close up shop and take you downtown. We have a few questions we'd like to ask you. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab upstairs walkway. WENDELL stands with a cigarette in his mouth.) ANGELA: Somebody as smart as you should know better. WENDELL: Oh I don't smoke, I just... I don't smoke. ANGELA: So... You weren't totally wrong about Doctor Brennan. WENDELL: I can't risk having s*x with my boss. Like I said, I got debts. ANGELA: No, no. Not totally wrong, I said. When she asked you about your experiences with older women, her interest was anthropological. WENDELL: She was looking me right in the eyes. ANGELA: She's direct. And awkward. Now, you've got two choices here. You either answer the question, like me or Zack, or you tell her she's being inappropriate, like Booth or Cam. Either way, she's not going to hold it against you. WENDELL: You're sure about this. ANGELA: Yeah. Frankly I'm more worried about the money owing thing. WENDELL: I can pay my debts. ANGELA: Yeah but you can't work on legal cases if the wrong kind of people have leverage on you, right? WENDELL: Wrong kind of people? What's that supposed to mean? ANGELA: Oh, no, I'm trying to help, Wendell, it's not- WENDELL: No, no, if they're the wrong people, then so am I. ANGELA: Could you please not yell? WENDELL: My whole neighborhood ponied up to send me to school. They're working people. They make money with their hands. I need to pay them back. ANGELA: Oh! I... I, I thought you owed the mob money. Like, we're working on a mob case and you owe the mob money. (They both laugh.) WENDELL: I don't owe the mob money. ANGELA: Yeah, see the problem? WENDELL: And I don't smoke. When I gotta think, I ask myself what my dad would've done. You know, he smoked all the time. Holding this cigarette, it's stupid, okay, but it helps me get into his head. But he died of lung cancer, so I do not smoke. ANGELA: Wow, Wendell. Once you start talking, it's... wow. WENDELL: I don't get you people. I'd like to work here but it's like a minefield. Too many ways to step wrong. ANGELA: I admit, it takes some getting used to. Good luck. [Exit ANGELA] [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab, Platform) CAM: It wasn't blood. On the shovel, it wasn't blood. BOOTH: Bones' magic juice didn't work. BRENNAN: No, phenolphthalein is not magic. HODGINS: It's an indicator that reacts with- WENDELL: -Potato protein. ANGELA: Potatoes? HODGINS: Yeah, fenalphaline turns pink in the presence of potatoes. BOOTH: I locked the guy up because of potatoes. BRENNAN: He might have done it, Booth. But we all know that without the victim's head we aren't likely to solve this murder. HODGINS: Well maybe Wendell here missed something in the bones. WENDELL: I didn't. ANGELA: Don't blame Wendell; he's doing very well. HODGINS: I just wish Zack were here, that's all. BOOTH: You gotta get over it. Zack's not coming back. ZACK: I know where to find the victim's head. CAM: (Beat.) This is not good. BRENNAN: How did you get out? ZACK: You don't appear happy to see me. BOOTH: Oh, we're not. BRENNAN: Well I am! I really am! Zack! HODGINS: Hey buddy! CAM: Well I doubt he got a weekend pass. BOOTH: Zack, how'd you get out? ZACK: Doctor Sweets helped me. ANGELA: Oh well then I totally change my mind about Sweets. I now love him. CAM: Does Doctor Sweets know that he helped you? ZACK: No. (To BRENNAN) You're hurting my arm. BRENNAN: Oh, sorry. BOOTH: Alright Zack, you're with me and Bones. The rest of you, go play with your microscopes or whatever it is you do. Let's go, Bone Room, now. March. BRENNAN: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab Bone Room) ZACK: Everything in the room is organized in sets of twelve. A dozen shoes in the closet, a dozen action figures on the shelf, a dozen pencils in the pencil holder. Even books are grouped by the dozen. BOOTH AND BRENNAN (simultaneously): I should have noticed that. BRENNAN: Sets of twelve must be a manifestation of Jared Addison's OCD. ZACK: I did an analysis of his novels. There's no recurring sets of numbers. Only recurring images of germs and fear of microbes. BOOTH: Okay then what is with the number twelve. ZACK: They live at twelve kindergarten street. Kindergarten has twelve letters. Alphanumeric is also a twelve letter word by the way, but I suspect that's just ironic. BOOTH: Okay, this side of him? I don't miss at all. ZACK: Books, CDs, everything. It's always twelve. In the yard, everything comes in twelve. Paving stones, plants. Decorative rocks, gnomes. Always twelve. BOOTH: Oh. BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: Well Jared Addison wouldn't have been gardening - he's germaphobic. ZACK: Even his name - Jared Addison. Twelve letters. BRENNAN: Oh. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: Well he didn't name himself, his mother did. BOOTH: His mother has OCD too? ZACK: That's the most reasonable conclusion. BOOTH: But the body was found in twelve pieces not counting the head. Why? (Enter SWEETS) SWEETS: The incomplete saw marks on the C2 vertebra were hesitation marks. She couldn't deal with the part of the body that was her child's face. You. You used me to escape? (ZACK nods.) How? ZACK: Your card. BOOTH: Sweets, one crime at a time - murder first. Okay, why'd she kill her son? SWEETS: He was overcoming his disorder. Jared Addison was ready to take control of his professional life. He'd found love, and was ready to leave her house. It wasn't just his patterns he was destroying. It was hers. And as a result, she suffered a psychotic break and murdered her own child. (Beat.) You know, I still have my card. ZACK: I swapped out the magnetic strip, with loony bin library card. SWEETS: Wait, that's why it didn't work? BOOTH: Zack. Where is Jared's head? ZACK: Everything comes in twelves. Everything, except for this. (He points at a birdbath.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Montage. Set Free by Katie Gray plays. Ext. JARED ADDISON's house. Booth serves a warrant to MRS ADDISON, FBI swarm the yard. Cut to Int. Crown Diner. HODGINS, ANGELA, CAM and ZACK sit in a booth talking and laughing inaudibly. Cut to Ext. JARED ADDISON's house. The birdbath is dug up. Cut to Ext. McKinley Psychiatric Hospital. SWEETS paces and looks at his watch. Cut to Int. Crown Diner. The team continue to enjoy ZACK's presence. Cut to Int. Medico-Legal Lab, platform. WENDELL walks down the steps. Stops. Glances back. Continues. Cut to Ext. JARED ADDISON's house. A box is recovered. On the lid are the words 'Jared Addison'. Inside is the skull of Jared Addison. Cut to Int. Crown Diner.) CAM: Well, Zack was right. ANGELA: Of course he was. CAM: As always. ZACK: Time to go. (Beat. He rises.) I should get back. CAM: Okay. HODGINS: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ext. McKinley Psychiatric Hospital. BOOTH and ZACK arrive outside the gates in an SUV.) BOOTH: Okay. Yeah, come on, let's go. Come on, easy. SWEETS: What took so long? BOOTH: Relax, Sweets, okay? He's all yours. SWEETS: Wait, ah, I thought we'd do this together. BOOTH: Look, just walk him back through the front door okay. Don't look guilty, and if anyone asks, you took him for electroshock. Alright? (to ZACK) Don't. Escape. Again. You got it Zack? You figure out who a killer is, you call me or Doctor Brennan. (Beat.) Not Sweets. Alright? (Beat.) Yeah. SWEETS: Wait. What if he... I don't know, what if he overpowers me or... BOOTH: ...Zack? ZACK: I'm much stronger than I look. SWEETS: He's done it before. He killed a man. BOOTH: Okay, Zack, promise you're not going to kill Sweets. ZACK: I promise. BOOTH: There you go. SWEETS: Yeah. Yeah. BOOTH: There you go! I've got great seats to the Capitals. (Exit BOOTH.) SWEETS: If we bump into anybody, let me do the talking. ZACK: I haven't actually literally done it before, you know. SWEETS: Had s*x? ZACK: Ended someone's life. Why doesn't anyone ever believe I've had s*x? SWEETS: (Beat.) Y-you confessed to plunging a knife into a man's chest. ZACK: No, I said I killed him. Which I did - I told the Master where to find the man. SWEETS: But you didn't... plunge a knife into the man's chest? ZACK: It wasn't me. SWEETS: Zack! Why did you confess? ZACK: I would've done it. If the Master had asked, I would have done it. SWEETS: No, no, you don't know that. People have no idea if they're capable of ending a life until they're put in that situation. (Beat.) In all of our sessions, I've had question marks because you, at heart, are not a killer. I gotta, I gotta tell Doctor Brennan (he punches a number into a cell phone) and Booth. ZACK: You can't tell them, because I'm your patient, and you're not allowed. Ethically. SWEETS: Zack, don't you want your friends to know that you didn't kill anyone? ZACK: I'm still an accessory to murder. If you tell them, they'll take me out of here and put me in prison. Hodgins assures me I would not do well in prison. SWEETS: Okay, what about the person that actually did commit the murder? He's still out there. ZACK: No, the Master killed him, so he could recruit me. There could only ever be two. SWEETS: You have to let me tell the truth. ZACK: You can't tell anyone without my permission. (Beat. SWEETS nods.) We should go in. I don't want to get you into trouble. (Exit ZACK. SWEETS sighs. Exit SWEETS.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Int. Medico-Legal Lab, BRENNAN's office. She drops leafs of paper into a garbage can.) (Enter BOOTH.) BOOTH: What are you doing? BRENNAN: Throwing out my book. BOOTH: It's still on your hard-drive, right? BRENNAN: Nope, not any more it's not. BOOTH: You erased it?! BRENNAN: Yeah. BOOTH: Woah. Woah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop. BRENNAN: But I don't want to be a writer any more. BOOTH: Oh, why? Because of what that publisher said? He was an idiot, did you see his glasses? BRENNAN: But I don't wanna be a sexy scientist. BOOTH: Well that's like me saying I don't want to be a sexy FBI agent. We can't change who we are. (He reaches down to pull out the pages.) Oh god, this is just. This it not good for the back. (Beat.) Suspenseful, and chilling. Temperance Brennan leads the pack. Anthropology has never been more exciting. BRENNAN: You memorized my reviews? BOOTH: Angela can scan these, and get them back on your computer. BRENNAN: You know my reviews, Booth, but do you read my books? BOOTH: Every single word. BRENNAN: You never said anything. BOOTH: Well I figure you know, I'm all over your real world, why would you want me in your fantasy world too? (He offers her the manuscript. After a pause, she takes it.) BRENNAN: I can appreciate that. BOOTH: You see? How this works, huh? It's give and take. We're partners, huh? BRENNAN: Except you won't let me fix your back. BOOTH: Oh, come on, my back is fine, it's just- BRENNAN: (Stands) Oh really? BOOTH: Ohnohah. Okay, how do I know you're not gonna like, paralyze me or make it worse? BRENNAN: I also help you by explaining a lot of things to you. (She stands behind him.) BOOTH: Yeah, well you know, I explain things to you just as much as you explain things to me. (BRENNAN winds her arms under BOOTH's shoulders and places her hands on the back of his neck.) BRENNAN: Well, my things are more important. (She pulls back.) BOOTH: That's debatable, WOAH. OW. BRENNAN: Ah, necessary pain. BOOTH: Yeah, necessary. Ah, the way you really help me is, is, you let me be a guy. (BRENNAN rotates him.) BRENNAN: I help you be a guy? BOOTH: Yeah, you know, it's a guy's thing to fix things and make them right. When I fix things I feel like I am one with the universe. (BRENNAN hooks him below the spine.) Oh! Ah. Woah! God! That's amazing. How'd you do that? BRENNAN: See? We help each other. Quid pro quo. BOOTH: I know what that means, quid pro quo. BRENNAN: I'm sure you do. BOOTH: I know a lot of things. BRENNAN: Well, you didn't know what misophobia meant. BOOTH: Well you didn't know that you could just take coffee grounds because it's garbage; you don't need a warrant for that. BRENNAN: I sort of knew that, I just was making sure that that was..

The pieces of a dismembered body are found lying in a purple pool of water, except the head is missing. The team finds that the body belongs to Jared Addison, a science fiction writer who had several mental problems. With Sweets's help, several suspects are hunted down, however the team has trouble finding enough evidence with the victim's head still missing... that is until they turn to Zack for help.

fd_Frasier_03x04

fd_Frasier_03x04_0

ACT ONE Scene One - Radio Station. Frasier is sat in his booth reading some papers as Niles taps at his window. Frasier signals for him to enter. Frasier: Hello, Niles. Niles: Frasier, quick, give me your museum membership card. Frasier: What for? Niles: I just heard tickets go on sale today for the exhibit of fourteenth century Japanese netsuki figurines. Frasier: Oh, then the rumours were true? Niles: Hurry, hurry, I want to get there before the line forms. Frasier is about to hand it over when Roz enters. Roz: Five seconds. [exits] Frasier: Oh, just give me a minute, Niles. Just sit tight, huh? [on air, reading copy:] And we're back. Before we take our last call, I'd like to remind you that Mercy Hospital will be conducting free blood pressure testing this Saturday on Whidbey Island. Niles takes a peppermint out of his pocket and begins to unwrap it. The cellophane causes a crinkling noise which the microphone picks up. Frasier: Hypertension leads to strokes, heart disease and other maladies, so we should all be on the lookout for symptoms like shortness of breath, [motions at Niles to stop] quickening of pulse, irritability- [presses cough button] Oh, will you just shove the damn thing into your mouth! [Niles puts the mint and wrapper into his mouth; lets go] - So let's all join together to help defeat this silent killer. Niles now tries to pull the sweet wrapper out of his mouth, causing more noise. Frasier gestures him angrily into Roz's booth. Frasier: Roz, who is on the line? Roz: On line four we have Mac, who's recently moved here from Australia and he's having a problem with a co-worker. As Frasier takes the call, she points a warning finger at Niles. Frasier: Hello, Mac, welcome to Seattle, I'm listening. Mac: [v.o.; broad Australian accent:] Well, mate, it like your Shelia said. I'm working with a real yob-out. He goes on and on about things nobody gives a billabong about just to show off how smart he is. Frasier: Well, you have my sympathy. There's nothing more irritating than pointless and pretentious erudition. My advice to you is to simply avoid him, is that possible? Mac: [v.o] Not really, you bloody wallaby! Bulldog taps on the window behind him, he's making the prank call, others are gathered around him. Bulldog: You're on right before me! Stay tuned for the Bulldog. [growls] Frasier grimaces. Frasier: Well, that's one on me, or rather one on me and my call screener, Roz, whose ancestors were once heard remarking, "Oh, what a nice wooden horse, of course I'll sign for it." [Roz is not amused] This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you good mental health. Bulldog enters with his trolley. Bulldog: Gotcha! Frasier: How many times have I asked you to desist with your adolescent antics? Bulldog: I've got a sense of humour! Frasier: I mean it, I'll go over your head! Bulldog: [sarcastic] Stop it, you're scaring me! Roz: [enters] Listen, you sleazy little lyme tick, you do that one more time and I'll cut you off. [he laughs] And I don't mean mid-sentence! Bulldog: [truly fearful] Stop it, you're scaring me! Frasier enters Roz's booth where Niles is waiting. Frasier: Do you believe these hijinks I have to put up with? Niles: No. Who would have thought it with a station whose current motto is, "Yakkety-Yak, We Talk Back"? Frasier: Oh, run along. [hands him museum card] Frasier and Niles walk down the hallway and bump into Kate. Kate: Oh, hello, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Miss Costas, I'd like you to meet my brother, Dr. Niles Crane. Kate: How do you do? Niles: Enchant , I'd love to stay and chat but I'm off to get tickets for Frasier and me at the Japanese netsuki exhibit. Kate: You'll love it. I saw it in Kyoto. It's just such a shame they're not letting the really rare pieces out of the country. Niles: [disappointed] Oh. [hands back card to Frasier] As my Japanese gardener says, Maimoshi chikosho. Kate: Watch your mouth! Niles: Oh, you speak Japanese? [she nods] Oh, I'll just retreat so that I can be one with my humiliation. Niles bows and exits. Frasier: Oh Kate, can I have a word with you? Kate: I'm in kind of a hurry. Frasier: Yes, well, it'll just take a moment. Kate: I seriously doubt that, but go ahead. Frasier: Yes, I've tried dealing with this problem on my own but Bulldog insists on interrupting my show with his foolish pranks. Kate: I heard. Frasier: Yes, well I did not spend eight gruelling years at Harvard to be mocked by that juvenile jackass! Kate: Shameless! Frasier: Oh, he's beyond shameless! Kate: I'm talking about the way you manage to get Harvard into every conversation. Frasier: Well, I'm sure you'll mention your alma mater too some day - when it's credited! Kate: Gee, you sure know how to ask for help! Frasier: No, I'm sorry. Kate: I know, I'll take care of it. Frasier: Just make sure he understands that... Kate: [quipping] You went to Harvard, I know, I know. [exits] Frasier exits down the hallway as Bulldog carries on with his show. Jack: [v.o] Hey, the key to this game is the husky secondary. Bulldog: Jack, how can I put this to you delicately? You're a moron! Shut up! You know squat! You know less than squat! You and squat could go to the movies and squat could wear an "I'm With Stupid" T-Shirt! Jack: [v.o] You're awesome, Bulldog. Way to nail a blow on Dr. Crane! You are the greatest! Bulldog: Yeah, whatever, shut up. [disconnects him] Now, look, all you guys sending in any postcards to win tickets to the SeaHawks game - do I need another picture of the Space Needle? [Kate enters] Chicks in thongs! Enough said? [notices her] We'll be back right after this. [presses button] Hey, what I just said, I'm sorry. I meant to say women in thongs. Kate: Stop busting Frasier's chops, enough said? Bulldog: Well I could, but see all these lines lit up? They're all waiting to tell me how funny it was. Kate: [presses to his producer] Are all these callers waiting to tell Bulldog how much they liked the joke he played on Frasier? Pete: All except the guy on nine, he thinks Bulldog sucks. Kate: Because of what he did to Frasier? Pete: No, just in general. Bulldog: So, what do you want me to do? Kate: If you think I'm going to allow you to publicly mock one of our most respected hosts on air just for the sake of higher ratings, you and I are going to get along just fine! Kate and Bulldog give each other a smile. [SCENE_BREAK] SINGING IN THE RAIN Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. We hear thunder as rain descends on the balcony outside the apartment. Eddie, is sat nervous on the Armchair as Daphne enters with some pat . Daphne: Come on, Eddie, you love pat . And this is the good stuff. [Frasier enters] Uh-oh. Frasier: Two syllables every homeowner loves to hear upon entering the door. Would that have anything to do with the fact that you're feeding my imported foie gras to a dog? Daphne: Well, I'm sorry, but it calms him during the thunder. Frasier: Oh, well, heaven forbid that Eddie should ever work a nerve! When Niles gets here we'll have sherry and snausages! Daphne: That reminds me, Dr. Crane will be a bit late. Your father asked him to stop at the vet and pick up some pills for Eddie. The phone rings. Frasier: I'm the one who's had a hard day. How come no one ever brings me tranquilizers? Daphne: I've often wondered that myself. Frasier answers the phone. The scene now cuts between Bulldog on air at KACL and Frasier on the phone in his apartment. Bulldog is putting on a voice as a knot of grinning staffers crowd round him. Frasier: Hello? Bulldog: [posh voice:] Hello, this is Dr. Julius Irving. I'm calling for Dr. Niles Crane, his receptionist said he might be there. Frasier: I'm sorry, I am expecting him if you'd like to leave a message. Bulldog: No, no, nothing important. Some of the boys here at the club have a little bet going about "The Mikado." Frasier: Well, perhaps I can help. I'm Niles's brother, Dr. Frasier Crane, and as luck would have it I was in an all-male version of "The Mikado" at Oxford. People still ask to see my Yum- Yum. Bulldog: I don't suppose you happen to remember the words to "Three Little Maids"? Frasier: Well, let me see. Well, of course my falsetto isn't what it used to be but, um... [falsetto:] "Three little maids from school are we, prim as a school girl well may be, filled to the brim with girlish glee, three little maids from school!" Martin enters with his radio, laughing. Frasier: Dad, would you please be quiet? I'm trying to settle a bet here. Martin: You sure are! Some caller bet Bulldog he couldn't make you sing over the air. [laughs] Bulldog: [normal voice:] Sayonara, Doc! [disconnects] Frasier: [hangs up] Well, Dad, I'm glad to see that you're amused, having your own son humiliated publicly. Martin: Oh, come on, it's funny. He makes everybody look stupid - the guys in the newsroom, Chopper Dave... Frasier: That is not exactly a miracle transformation when it comes to Chopper Dave, a man whose life work consists of looking down at the freeway and saying, "Crowded"; "Not Crowded." [picks up his coat] Martin: Where are you going? Frasier: To the station! Martin: Oh, come on, Frasier, don't take it all so seriously. You know, we played jokes like this all the time when I was on the force. The day they replaced my bulletproof vest with a big lacy bra, I knew I was one of the guys. Frasier: Thank you, Dad. That also clears up a question that's troubled me for years concerning the night you were shot! [exits] [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Radio Station. Bulldog is still doing his show on air. Bulldog: The "Salmon" that's what you want to name our expansion hockey team, "The Seattle Salmon"?! Why don't you take your two IQ points, rub them together, see if you can't start a fire, beat it! [presses another button] Hey, you're in the doghouse! Caller: [v.o.] Hey, am I on? Bulldog: Yes, take as long as you want! [presses another button] Next. Rob: [v.o.] Hey, Bulldog, you're the man. How about we name them "The Bulldogs"? Bulldog: Hey, you want to suck up? Send money! Rob: Wait, wait, wait, wait, I got another one. [Frasier enters with a menacing eye] What about "The Lizards"? Bulldog: I hate lizards, they're disgusting. They make my skin crawl. You're an idiot and you don't deserve to live! Rob: [laughing] You're the best, Bulldog! Bulldog: Shut up! Back in thirty! Bulldog hands over to commercials. Frasier: I warned you. Bulldog: Hey, hey, clear your jets. Kate told me to keep busting ya'. Said it's good for ratings. You got a beef, take it up with her! Frasier: I don't believe you. Bulldog: [presses over to producer] Pete, what did Kate say? Pete: She said you're a pig. Bulldog: No, before that! Pete: She said keep raggin' on the doc'! Frasier exits in anger. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - KACL Foyer. Frasier enters the foyer and goes up to Susan, her secretary. Frasier: I want to talk to Kate now! Susan: She's not in. Frasier: [unbelieving] Oh, very clever, "she's not in." Like that'll make me go away! He storms into her office. Reset to: Kate's Office Frasier finds she is actually not in. Susan follows him. Frasier: She's not in! Kate: [enters, to Susan:] I need a copy of our contract with Nanette Stewart. [notices Frasier] What's Yum-Yum doing here? It's all right, I can guess. Frasier: You promised you'd put an end to Bulldog's shenanigans and instead you encouraged him. [notices Kate has pulled Nanette's name from the board] You're cancelling "Pet Chat With Nanette"?! She's been on for six years. Kate: Yeah, but she's been floating at the top of the bowl for the last two. When I went in to talk to Bulldog, the phones were lit up like Times Square; his fans love it when he zaps you. Kate walks out into the foyer, Frasier follows her. Reset to: Foyer Frasier: So, you would have me ridiculed for the sake of those hyenas! Kate: No, I would have you fight back. He makes pot shots at you, you come back at him in your droll, Ivy League, "look at me, I've got a thesaurus" kind of way! It'll be funny! Frasier: Funny?! Funny!? Reset to: Hallway Kate walks to the hallway outside the booth. Frasier: I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with a man who's favourite t-shirt reads "Seattle Hooter Inspector"! Kate: Afraid of the competition? Frasier: I am a doctor, I went... [off her look] ...to medical school! I will not embarrass myself by engaging in a grab for ratings. Kate: You just announced to a half a million listeners that you are "filled to the brim with girlish glee." I think the H.M.S Pinafore of embarrassment has sailed! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to fire someone. Kate looks through the window at Nanette, who waves back at her with her little pet dog's paw. Kate: Oh, God, she brought Spanky! Frasier: Kate, this is not over! Kate: Do you know what your problem is? You have no sense of humour. Frasier: I am sick and tired of people telling me that! Kate: Well, then, lighten up. [exits to Nanette's booth] Meanwhile, Bulldog carries on with his show. Bulldog: I asked the Raiders' defensive line to describe their tackling skills and here's what they said. [cues tape] Frasier: [v.o] Three little maids from school are we, three little maids from school! Frasier scowls at him from behind the glass. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO THE NOSE KNOWS Scene Five - Frasier's Apartment. Daphne answers the door to Niles. Niles: Good evening, Daphne. Daphne: Evening, Dr. Crane. Did you bring Eddie's pills? Niles: Yes, and the vet gave very specific instructions. [takes them out and reads] "Take one tablet per hour or as needed until trembling subsides." [realizes] I'm sorry, these are for Maris. [take some others out] Those are for Eddie, here you go. [hands them over] Daphne: I'll just hide his pill in a bit of food. Like our Grammy Moon used to get grandad to take his heart medicine. Niles: If he had heart problems, why wouldn't he want to take his medicine? Daphne: Don't think that nosy coroner didn't ask the same question! Num-nums, Eddie. Daphne feeds him the pill in some food as Niles pours some sherry. Daphne: Oh, he's a good boy. [strokes him] Normally I don't believe in popping pills for every little upset. Niles: I quite agree! My nerves are bothered by this constant thundering, too, but I would never turn to drugs to calm down. [sniffs his sherry] Oh, mommy! Niles takes a sip as Daphne rolls her eyes. Martin enters from his room. Martin: Hey Niles, you're not going to believe what happened to Frasier. Niles: Oh, I heard the whole thing. [laughs] Martin: You listen to Bulldog's program? Niles: [deadpan] Yes, Dad, I can't sleep nights till I find out who hurled what ball through what apparatus. [laughs] No, no, no, no, it was on at the vet's. Frasier enters. He looks very angry and is soaked to the skin, he slams his umbrella down. Frasier: You would think that in a city with this much rain that people would develop an etiquette about it, but no! They buy umbrellas that are too big for them, you have to walk into the street to get around them and then they drive too close to the curb so that you're sure to get splashed! And they wear brown shoes with white socks! Daphne: What has that got to do with the rain? Frasier: Nothing! But I mean, really, get a fashion sense! Martin: Well, I guess things didn't go too well at the station, huh? Frasier: No, they didn't. Martin: What happened? Frasier: It turned out the station manager is encouraging Bulldog's little pranks. Now she wants me to return his fire on the air. Well, I thought the idea was absurd at first but now I'm starting to warm to it. Niles: I say have at him! He's grossly overmatched but he did bring this on himself. Frasier: You know, you're right, Niles. If I have to fight cheap and dirty on his own turf, then I will! Martin: [unsure] Uhhhh... Frasier: And what is that supposed to mean? Martin: Well, I don't think it's a good idea. You know, Bulldog's pretty good at this kind of thing. He's a funny guy. Frasier: And, I'm not funny? Martin: Uhhhh... Frasier: I don't believe this! Niles: Well, now, obviously Dad's forgetting the time you took the names of our wine club board and turned them all into wickedly derisive anagrams! [laughs] They both laugh and shout out in memory "Sidney Ass Basket"! They laugh uncontrollably and soon Martin joins in. Frasier: Now, you see, dad, I made you laugh. Martin: No, I'm looking at Eddie. Martin points Eddie out who seems to be knocked out from the sedatives. Daphne notices and starts laughing with him. Daphne: I guess he won't be needing a second pill! Martin: Now, now, Frasier, don't get me wrong. I think you're witty, you're clever, but funny's different. Funny's somebody who makes you laugh with your belly. Now, Bulldog's funny. Duke's cousin, Louie, now he's really funny! He's like Jackie Gleason, only loud! He makes you laugh so hard the beer comes out of your nose. Daphne: You know what feels good through the nose? A warm cup of cocoa. [the rest look at her, she says in memory] I just may go home for Christmas this year. Frasier: You know, just because I haven't caused anyone to blow beer through their nostrils doesn't mean that I can't. Anyone who can compose a clever ballad can certainly master the intricacies of the whoopee cushion! Martin: Well, I wouldn't be too sure about that. It's a lot harder than you think. Frasier: All right, you just tune into Bulldog's show tomorrow. Pop open a beer and prepare for a Budweiser geyser! Niles: You know, Frasier, if you're serious about that whoopee cushion, I happen to have one at the house. [they all stare at him] Last year a disgruntled servant left one on Maris's dining room chair. Fortunately for all of us, embarrassment was averted when my little faun proved too light to activate it. The rest mull over this idea as the scene FADES OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Radio Station. Bulldog is doing his show as Frasier and Roz look in from the window. Bulldog: Well, it's six-thirty, sports fans. That means it's time for... [cues fanfare music] Our big SeaHawks tickets giveaway. Yes, my curvaceous and bodacious assistant Darlene is rolling in our glittery giant prize draw right now. Pete enters with a cardboard box labled "Bulldog's Box - Don't Touch!" Bulldog: Okay, Darlene, give it a good crank. Whoa! Honey, I meant the drum! [cues a cranking noise] Frasier and Roz are watching from the hallway. Frasier: Here it comes, Roz, the hilarity ensues! Roz: Okay, explain this to me one more time. You were the one who's trying to prove to everyone you're so funny, so why am I the one who had to put the lizard in the box?! Frasier: It was just as difficult to be the lookout! Stop whining! Kate enters Bulldog's booth. Bulldog: Hey, look who's here. It's our new boss lady, KACL's own Kate Costas! Roz: Kate's there? Oh, Frasier, Kate's there! Frasier: No, no, it's even better. Even better that she will be an eyewitness to my little jape! Bulldog: Come in, Kate. Yeah, here we go, glad you dropped in. Kate: Hello, Bulldog. Hi, Darlene. [waves to Pete] Wow, look at that mighty drum! Bulldog: Yeah, give it a good spin! [cues noise] Look at those cards going round and round. Okay, Seattle... and the winner is... Bulldog is about to pick one out. Bulldog: Hey, Kate, why don't you pick it? Frasier and Roz look at each other in horror. Kate: Okay. [reaches her hand in] And the lucky winner is... YEOW! Kate lets off a scream as the box falls to the floor. Kate: Something bit me! Bulldog: Oh my God! It's a lizard! Chaos ensues as Bulldog jumps up onto his console in terror, and Pete runs in to wrap his handkerchief around Kate's hand, while she is screaming in pain. Kate: There it goes, there it goes, there it goes! The lizard scurries down the hallway. Kate: Stop that lizard, it has my finger! Frasier looks horrified. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Hospital. Everyone is laughing and joking in the waiting room. Frasier arrives with a bouquet of flowers and hovers in the corridor. Frasier: Roz! Any news? Roz: Oh, yeah. They sewed her fingertip back on. She's gonna be fine. Frasier, would you wipe that guilty look off your face? No-one even suspects you. Frasier: Why not? Roz: Because you made such a big deal about how playing pranks was beneath you! Frasier: Oh, they're not only beneath me, they're beyond me. I'm going to accept my limitations, and be satisfied to merely be witty and urbane. Even my most barbed comments never drew blood! Oh God, I feel sick. Roz: You do? When the lizard threw up her fingertip, who had to pack it in frozen yogurt and rush it down here?! Frasier: I'm going to tell her the truth. Roz: What?! Are you insane? Frasier: I've got to unburden myself. Roz: [impassioned] Frasier, you didn't start this. You are the victim here, why should you have to suffer any more than you already have? Frasier: I'll keep your name out of it! Roz: Fine, do what you want. Reset to: Kate's Room Frasier enters Kate's room to find her on her mobile phone. A nurse is by her side. Kate: [into phone:] I don't know when I'll be back in the office, Susan, just cancel all my appointments. Is there any word on who pulled this stupid stunt? I don't want excuses, I want names! [hangs up] Will you hurry up that shot, I'm in agony here. [the nurse prepares to inject her] Frasier: Kate, I see that your strength is back. I brought you some flowers. [hands them over] Kate: What kind of raving psychotic would do a thing like this? Frasier: You know, people use that word "psychotic" an awful lot these days. A kid steals a candy bar, suddenly he's a psychotic. Kate: I'm gonna find him and I'm gonna crush him! Frasier: [to nurse] Are you sure that's enough? Make sure that all goes in! Nurse: Call me if you need anything. The nurse exits. Frasier: Well, Kate, I came here for a reason. Kate: Oh, let me guess, someone park in your space? Frasier: No, but if someone had, I would have forgiven him, just as I'm sure you will forgive... Kate: Who? Frasier: Well, I'm sure the poor misguided prankster that perpetrated this evil deed really had no ill will in mind. It wasn't his... or her... [realises he can still weave his way out] You know, that Nanette from "Pet Chat," she had a real axe to grind! Kate lets out a short laugh. Frasier: What? Kate: What? Frasier: You giggled. Kate: Oh, [laughs] it was kinda funny. Frasier: What? Kate: What? Frasier: What's funny? Kate: Oh, I was just remembering... Frasier: What? Kate: [laughs] Frasier: Oh, oh, the shot's kicking in, isn't it? Kate: Wouldn't you know, it bites my middle finger. How am I supposed to drive? [laughs] Frasier: [laughs] You know, Kate, maybe now would be a good time... Kate: Now you know, life is so funny. One minute, you're standing in a hallway, the next minute you're a poo-poo platter for a lizard. That's a funny word, isn't it? Hallway! Frasier: You want to hear something really funny? Kate: And Bulldog, Bulldog's... [laughing, then:] Oh, see, now, you're starting to get tired, I should go. [start to nod off] Frasier: Kate, Kate, before you go to sleep, there's just one last funny thing I want to tell you... Kate: [doped up] O-kay! Frasier: I put the lizard in the box. Kate: O-kay. Frasier walks away as she falls to sleep. However, before he gets to the door, Kate slowly presses the "head up" button on the bed which raises her. Frasier: Oh, God! It's alive! Kate: [half asleep] You what? Frasier: Well, I, it was meant for Bulldog. It was all an accident, I never intended to... She falls dead asleep. Frasier moves closer to her to check. Frasier: Kate? Kate? Frasier decides she's asleep and he's safe. He turns to leave her... CLOSE-UP: Like a cobra striking, Kate's hand snatches his wrist- SMASH CUT TO: Waiting Room Roz and everyone in the waiting room jumps as Frasier screams: Frasier: [o.s.] NURSE! END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Daphne and Martin are sat on the Armchair looking suspiciously innocent. They watch Frasier as he pours his sherry and he wonders what is the matter with them. He goes to the side, takes a book off the shelf and sits on the couch. As he sits, Daphne and Martin burst out laughing. It seems they put a Whoopee cushion under his seat. Frasier takes the cushion out from under him and throws it over to them.

Bulldog targets a series of pranks at Frasier (which culminates in Frasier singing "Three Little Maids" from The Mikado in a falsetto voice live on air). Frasier decides to get back at Bulldog by releasing a lizard in the studio, after discovering that Bulldog has a phobia of them, only to watch in horror as Kate becomes his unintended victim.

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CRU - Max's room Max : Verdammt! Casey : What did the Germans do now? Max : I'm sorry. Part of my RA job is to plan the resident's annual Galileo party. It's this weekend, I've been trying to find a place for weeks. The Deutsche Hause was my last hope. Casey : I didn't know engineers had theme parties too. Max : Yeah... just this one. But, who cares, it's not important, other things are important. I'll figure something out. Casey : Of course you will, that's why you're a genius. If you can understand that book, you can plan a party. Wait. Party planner. I'm gonna put that on my career shortlist. Max : But you're an English major. Casey : I am, but unlike your major, it doesn't come with a built-in career path. Everyone speaks English, which is why, I was thinking, this might serve as a stepping stone to something else. Max : Like... Publishing? Casey : No! A job at Nationals. I have to go to this convention. So I thought if I have to be dragged away from spending the weekend with you, which is all I really wanna do, the least I could do is make the best of it. Use this weekend for a little networking. I have to do something after graduation. Max : You could do anything... because you're amazing. KT HOUSE - Living room Rusty : Once the candy hits the soda, everybody needs to stand back. Capppie : Waiting will make it all the sweeter. Ah, good afternoon. Refreshing mint... officer? Sergeant at arms? Commandant? Man : Fire marshal. Just doing the rounds to make sure all the houses are up to code. Capppie : We might as well keep moving because when it comes to codes, the Kappa Taus have them covered. From Morse to Da Vinci. Man : There's your first violation, right there. There's your second. Credits KT HOUSE - Hallway Capppie : Good afternoon, miss. Can I interest you in a gently used blow-up doll? Girl : That's so disgusting. Rusty : How about a nice throw rug? It's lightly stained, which really just gives it the nice, antique feel. Girl : No... I'm only... Rusty : Are you in the market for... a wig made of human hair? Girl : I'm on my way to class, and I just have to use the bathroom. Capppie : Well, in that case, it'll be 25 cents, cash only. Dammit! It's been five hours and zero sales. Ben Bennett : What about the Tri-Pi that paid me $3 to shave her initials in my chest? Capppie : Thank you, pledge. No. Let's talk about something important. Heath, put the beer down. Beer's for closers only. I said put the beer down! It's ABC. Always Be Closing. Now, you've gotta sell, or you hit the bricks. Or, in this case, we all hit the bricks! Because that son of a bitch fire marshal gave us 30 days to fix all eight of our violations. And to bring our sprinkler system to code. And it's gonna cost us, so we've got to sell. Rusty : Are we gonna lose the house, Cap? Capppie : No ! All we gotta do is raise six grand really, really, fast. ZBZ HOUSE - Frannie's room Evan : Don't get me wrong, you look amazing, but is that gonna be comfortable on a plane? Frannie : Where did dressing for comfort ever get anyone? I dress the way I want people to see me. Even on a plane. And definitely when I'm at the ZBZ convention. Evan : You are going to outshine everyone there, anyway. Frannie : I know. Evan, I'm not one of those needy girls who requires support and encouragement to prop me up. But I appreciate the thought. We need to go! Don't forget to RSVP to the Dean's Spring reception. It's a real honor we've been invited. Evan : Yes, dear. DEAN'S SPRING RECEPTION Casey : Who knew there were so many different shades of pink? Ashleigh : I know! I love it! Don't love that. Casey : What? Ashleigh : How much does it suck that she got to be here, just 'cause she's pledge educator. Casey : No sucking. I'm here to impress Nationals, and since Frannie is persona non grata with them she can't touch me. Now, where's Tegan? She's number one on my ass-kissing list. Ashleigh : I'm not leaving this convention without a summer internship. And I'm not leaving without one of those ZBZ beverage cozies. And bookmarks! They're free! Lizzie : Casey Cartwright?! As I live and ZB breathe. Come here. I'm so happy to see you! Here, in the folds of sisterhood. Casey : Hi, Lizzie. Lizzie : Wait. We forgot the secret ZBZ handshake. Tegan : The registration table is low on seminar packets. Lizzie : I'm on it, Te Te. Poor Te Te's been spreading herself thin between Grand Council duties and the convention. Casey : I was hoping to say hi, talk to her about a summer internship. But maybe I'll wait until she's in a better mood. Lizzie : Good luck with that. CRU - Dale et Rusty's room Max : Mind if I come in? Dale : Yes? Max : I can't find anywhere to hold the Galileo party on campus, so I'm just letting everyone know it's canceled. I'm sorry. Dale : G-darn it! This campus has endless available locations for undeserving, pervedted students that want to act inappropriately, but when a group of elite academics want to blow off some steam, while debunking Aristotelian physics, everything's booked up? I call bull-hinky. Max : Nobody wants to let us drop objects off the roof. Liability. Dale : Did you tell them the Leaning Tower of Pisa didn't have a problem with Galileo doing that? Max : No. Dale : Well, nice negotiating skills. Rusty : I know who'd let us drop things off the roof. The Kappa Taus. We need the money to fix our sprinkler system. Dale : Rusty, I don't think Galileo Galilei would approve of his theories being evoked in such an unsanitary environment. Max : Galileo lived during the Renaissance. People avoided bathing for fear it'd wash away their spirits, so cleanliness wasn't really a priority. Dale : Unsanitary environment would add an air of authenticity to the proceedings. Know what? I'm not gonna shower till after the party to keep it real. 'Cause that's science. Rusty : What do you think? Max : I think you should shower. Kappa Tau? Great idea, considering we have no other options. Dale : Oh, yeah. I'm gettin' there. DEAN'S SPRING RECEPTION Lizzie : I'm sorry, Madam President. ZBZ President : It's OK, Lizzie. OK. Thank you. Greetings, sisters. My name is Mary-Beth Gentrie-Manning, and I am proud to call myself Grand National President of Zeta Beta Zeta. All : Greetings Madam President. ZBZ President : Please stand for the processional of the Grand Council. All (singing) : Over the years I sing Ashleigh : The first processional occurred in 1876, as a way to honor the nation's centennial. Someone even played a fife. Isn't that awesome? Casey : And scary, that you know that. Ashleigh : I read about it in Zeta Beta Zeta: A History in Words and Pictures. Ever since I became a tour guide, I have a new appreciation for history. Like... Mary-Beth Gentrie-Manning. She grew up next door to Katie Couric's mom. See? History, so juicy. ZBZ President : Of course, we're here today to feel that unique magic that is sisterhood. We can feel it in the warmth of a ZBZ smile that greet us after a long day of traveling to get here. From as far away as California or Phoenix. But that special ZBZ magic expresses itself elsewhere too. In our National by-laws. And so... At every convention, we open up the floor to our sisters. To offer an open forum to any sister who wants to suggest legislative change. ZBZ Girl : I formally propose that we change the official ZBZ anthem from "Our sisters, ourselves", to "Oh, sister, my sister". Our current anthem belongs in a funeral and I, for one, am not dead yet. ZBZ President : Proposal duly noted. Yes ! ZBZ Girl : And, once again, I beg you all to reconsider the shamefully superficial rush standards that our chapters use. Instead of the prettiest girls with the best clothes, we should aim for inner beauty. ZBZ President : Duly noted, again, Regina. Thank you. Any other proposals? Frannie : I have one. I move to overturn rule 16-A, which states that removal from office precludes the removed party from ever seeking that office again. Casey : I can't believe this! Ashleigh : I know! "Our Sisters, ourselves" has been the ZBZ anthem for over a hundred years! A few minutes later... Casey : You created me. You can destroy me. Is that the game we're playing? Frannie : No game, Case, it's simple. I want to be president again. I think I deserve to be and you don't, if you're this clueless about how the system works. Casey : Clueless? Please. I know you can introduce whatever legislation you want, but it's a battle to get it passed. That legislation will get passed over my dead, cute, body! Is it an uphill battle to get legislation passed? Is it? I need to know because I just said that it was. Lizzie : What, Casey? Casey : I need to stop Frannie from getting that ban overturned. I cannot face that barracuda in an election. She taught me everything I know, she probably held back the good stuff for herself. Lizzie : Get a hold of yourself! Casey : I'm sorry. Lizzie : I know better than to handle a sister roughly. It's just, I sat Miss Eastern Ohio'65 next to Miss Eastern Ohio'67 during the processional. Well, who knew that'67 slept with'65's husband at the'69 pageant? Not me! I'm no help to Te Te unless I anticipate. Bad Lizzi, bad! I'm afraid there's only so much you can do. Grand Council votes on every proposed amendment at the end of the convention in a closed-door session. So, if four out of the seven members vote to overturn the ban, it's a done deal. Casey : I have got two days to convince the council to vote against Frannie? Lizzie : It'll take some serious lobbying. Go ZBZ! KT HOUSE - Living room Rusty : Hey, guys. Great news. We don't need to do the repairs ourselves. My dorm will pay us to have our annual Galileo party here this weekend. Cappie : Really? Rusty : My RA, Max is in charge. He's completely on board. And you'll finally get to hang out with him, he's so cool. Cappie : Yeah, well, Honors engineering is the very definition of cool. Rusty : And that's just the beginning. We keep renting out the house for party until we have everything paid off. Cappie : So... we'd be an event hall of sorts. We can host weddings. I can get ordained on-line, it'd be a one-stop shop. Kappa Tau: Party Palace and Chapel of Love, featuring Father Cappie. Beaver : How cool is that? Getting paid to do something we love. It'd be like getting paid to have s*x! What are hookers complaing about? Rusty : Just keep in mind, guys, this will not be a Kappa Tau party tomorrow night, though. These are honors engineers. No booze, no hot chicks. Just robots. Cappie : Listen. Even if it's the lamest party in the history of the Kappa Tau house, at least there will still be a KT house. Ext. DEAN'S SPRING RECEPTION Casey : Tegan ! Oh, wow ! I didn't know you were teaching this seminar. Tegan : Planning your will at 21, huh? Casey : I'm a planner. Tegan : What do you want? Casey : Now that you mention it, I did want to make sure I'd have your support in voting against Frannie's motion. You of all people know how damaging Frannie's leadership was to the chapter. Tegan : It certainly was I also know how damaging it was to my authority, not to mention my ego, when you publicly defied me during Greek Week. Casey : That was an unfortunate situation. I'm sure you'll agree that... Tegan : Frannie is the one who called to warn me about Rebecca's Greek Week behavior in the first place. Casey : Frannie was your eyes and ears? Tegan : It's quid pro quo, Casey. Frannie demonstrated that she has Nationals' best interest in mind. Someone like that deserves another shot. So she gets my vote. DOBLERS Calvin : I am glad you called. Evan : Frannie's gone and, I don't know... For some reason I just really needed guys' night out. Calvin : I just came back from playing Pictionary with Michael and his grad friends for three hours straight. Evan : Don't you think it's a little early for you guys to start acting like an old, married couple? Calvin : The highlight was someone drew a cupcake that looked like a giant boob. Everyone started laughing. Grad students are repressed. Never underestimate the power of a boob. Girl : Come here. Calvin : Speaking of which, do you know her? Evan : She's waving for us to go over to her table. What do you think? Calvin : I think I'm gay, and I think you have a girlfriend. Evan : It's harmless flirting. Not like anything's gonna happen. What do you say? Too late... Girl : Hey Guys ! Mind if we join you? Calvin : You owe me one. KT HOUSE - Living room Cappie : Make sure you keep that receipt. It's on the nerds. Ben Bennett : Got it. Who shows up to a party at seven? Cappie : How nice and odd of you to bring your own fruit punch. Ben Bennett : And a ladle. Cappie : And a ladle. At this rate, we'll be done in time to have our own party to celebrate our first customers! I recognize that guy from Casino Night. Rusty : Cappie, this is Max. Ben Bennet, Max. Max : Hey. You might want to move some of this furniture out of here. Rusty : We should move some of this furniture out of here. Cappie : Is there an echo in here? Max : Unlikely. Cappie : Anyway, I wouldn't worry about the furniture. This is Kappa Tau. Max : I'm sorry? Cappie : Surely our reputation precedes us. Your honors engineers are no match for our parties or our furniture. Right Spitter ? Max : Don't say I didn't warn you. If things go wrong, you can defend us to the Holy Roman Tribunal. Rusty : Galileo had to defend his heretical teachings to the Pope. This is the Galileo party. Max : So where'd Spitter come from? Cappie : That's just something I call him. It's a nickname. Nice to meet you. Max : Nice to meet you. Cappie : What a complete douche. A few minutes later... Plain White T's are singing... Ben Bennett : This party isn't bad. Even Beav found a cute girl. Cappie : Yes, but come on, she looks like she's late for a hobbit wedding. Ben Bennett : She's still pretty hot. Cappie : These guys are sensitive to sugar. Max : It's not sugar. It's ADJ. Cappie : Spitter? Translation? Max : The punch? Aerosol Death Juice. Homemade from a special fermentation process developed by some of our chemical engineers to maximize efficient inebriation. Rusty : Translation. The punch... Cappie : No translation needed. So it's like a wine spritzer of sorts? Well, if it becomes need be, the KTs have a fool proof hangover cure developed by some of our chemical dependents that cuts headache duration in half. Rusty : Won't need that. Max already has one that completely eliminates headaches. Dale : I may have underestimated these KTs. It was pretty nice of them to provide a nonalcoholic beverage option for us teetotalers. Right? And this... This punch is really thirst-quenching... too, I find. It's funny, I thought I was gettin' a sore throat, but now I just feel kinda tingly. All over. Should we make out? DEAN'S SPRING RECEPTION Old ZBZ Woman : And now, sisters, please open to page 37 of your song-book, and join me in the ZBZ friendship song : Appreciate the Pink. Casey : I have a great idea. If you'll guarantee me your support in tomorrow's Council vote, I will personally bring CRU's top ten ZBZ sisters to your alma mater to act as Rush coaches. ZBZ Woman : Dear, that sounds wonderful. You have my vote. Casey : Great! Now, will you excuse me? Paula : Let me get that for you. Casey : Thanks. Paula : Hi. I'm Paula. Casey : I'm Casey. Paula : Working the room, I see. Casey : Only way to get things done. Paula : It is indeed. I'll leave you to it. Frannie : I wouldn't waste your time on Bunchie. She just promised me her vote. My whole redemption spiel really resonated with her as a born-again. Casey : Hallelujah. Frannie : That makes three for me... Casey : And three for me. Frannie : And only Tegan uncommitted. So I've gotta say... I'm liking my odds. Old ZBZ Woman : Now, let's wrap this up with the Sisterhood solidarity song: I Will Never Betray My Dear Sister. DOBLERS Brianna : I told him not to cut it too short, but he didn't listen. I think it makes my face look fat. Evan : Are you kidding? No, you look great. Brianna : Really? You are so sweet. And you look pretty great yourself. Evan : Thank you. Calvin : So, what's your major, Brianna? Brianna : I'm Brianna. She's Alanna. Evan : She's Alanna, and she's Brianna. Brianna : I'm Brianna, and she's Alanna. Calvin : Oh right. Brianna : We're gonna go to the bathroom. Evan : Ok. So Brianna has invited me to go back to her place. You mind if we take off? Calvin : Hold on, man, what happened to harmless flirting? Evan : Since when did you become a Frannie champion? Man, she's in Orlando. Calvin : So what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Evan : No, Calvin. Calvijn Owens.We're in college. This is the one chance we have to follow our impulses, and we can do whatever we want and get away with it. College is about sowing wild oats. Not Pictionary and the Dean's receptions. Calvin : The Dean's what? Evan : Never mind. KT HOUSE - Party Tom (Plain White T's) : We're done, Cap. Cappie : This is nothing. Tom (Plain White T's) : Fame isn't worth it. Dale : Come on, you rule, man. Come on. Cappie : Pledge, will you get the nerd off the guys. I'm gonna handle things inside. How are they playing pool again? I confiscated all the cues. Beaver : It's like they're Gremlins! Say my name in Elvish again? Girl : Saralonde. Beaver : I think I'm falling in love with you. Girl : Le melon. Cappie : Hey! What are you...? Get out of here! What are you, animals? Here, Heath. Take this and destroy it. Take Jeremy upstairs. Guard his tresses with your life. I'm shutting this party down. Rusty : Cap', hey ! Who knew this would be a legendary Kappa Tau party after all? Cappie : The Kappa Tau house is a respectable establishment. Full of individuals who know how to hold their liquor, or at the very least how to dispose of it in the proper manner! Max : I'm sorry. It does tend to get out of hand. That's why we couldn't find a place to hold it. You know that lecture hall in the Fine Arts building that was condemned? That was us. It was an unfortunate incident with a genetically-modified raccoon. Cappie : It would have been nice to have that information in advance. Rusty : Since when does a party getting out of hand bother you? Max : I heard you were the biggest partier around. Casey said that's why you guys broke up. Cappie : Casey? What do you know about Casey? Max : She's my... We're dating. Cappie : Your gal, Casey, knows of what she speaks. I don't know what got into me. DEAN'S SPRING RECEPTION Tegan (On phone) : Yes, Lizzi, I did tell you to cancel the Household Etiquette seminar, but if you had been smarter, you'd have anticipated that I would change my mind. And don't call me Tete. Hi, Casey. What's new? And I say new because it can't possibly be that you're eating the dead by-law horse again. Casey : Actually, I had a few ideas for how to help you. Quid pro quo, remember? I can organize a recruiting drive for flailing houses. Hold a philanthropy... Tegan : That is adorable. You must be great in Rush skits. But seriously, hon, you're not going to be able to find a quid for my quo. I take that back. If you can fulfill my wildest fantasy, and get rid of Lizzi, you've got yourself a deal. Casey : Get rid of Lizie? Tegan : Yeah. Convince that elfin little pipsqueak to hit the road. Casey : You want me to... get Lizzi to quit? Tegan : Well, I can't fire her. Her record is spotless. She's a "paragon of sisterly spirit." But I also cannot stand her constant effervescence and springy hair and... And I did not give you permission to call me by a nickname. So there you have it. You perform that miracle, and there might be a summer internship in it for you. KT HOUSE - Party Cappie : I don't get it, man. This is... this is just wrong. Those two just don't belong together. Men and nipples? Why? It's not like milk comes out of them. Dale : Actually, some male infants have been known to excrete their mother's milk from their own nipples. Cappie : That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. You're insane, Chip. Dale : I t's Dale. Cappie : Right. Knew it was one of them. Hey, so what's the deal with this Max guy? Dale : Dude sucks. Cappie : I'm... Hi, I'm... Gluteus Maximus, I'm socially awkward, and I walk with my left foot turned slightly out 'cause I'm weird. Dale : I know! Hello, guv! I'm Maxi Pad, the kind with wings because I was in NASA. Too bad I couldn't solve Fermat's Theorem with a gun to me head. Cheerio! Cappie : Cheerio! Maxi Pad?! Oh, you're too much. How'd you come up with that?! Dale : Aw, man, that's just how I roll. Cappie : How come we've never hung out? Dale : I don't know. Cappie : You're awesome. Dale : I know. Cappie : We should be best friends. You know what? We are best friends. Cap'n'Dale. Dale : These pants make my bottom itch. Cappie : Maxi Pad... Dale : I'm just gonna lay down for a minute. Cappie : Bring it in. DEAN'S SPRING RECEPTION Waiter : Glass of chardonnay. Woman : Thank you. Casey : You must be really stressed out. Lizzie : I'm... I'm weary. This year alone, I've consulted at 20 chapters, colonized 20 new ones, and I, personally, shepherded three sisters into rehab, one at the expense of my Tercel's upholstery. Do you think Tegan appreciates it? Waiter : Here's your drink. Lizzie : Thanks. Casey : Lizzie, I hate to see you like this. Your natural effervescence is one of your most winning qualities. What a shame to have it so cruelly squelched. Lizzie : I know. I used to love this job, but now... Casey : You think, maybe, you should just quit? Lizzie : Quit? ZBZ is my life. Casey : Oh, I know. But... is it a happy life? Life is short, Lizzie. You're a talented, young-ish woman with a lot to offer, and you deserve to work for someone who appreciates you. Not some awful wench who badmouths you to everyone about using ivory dinner plates instead of cream. Lizzie : She does that? Casey : She did. Lizzie : Thank you, Casey. I'm gonna go. And I'm going to tell Tegan exactly where to stick her ZBZ letters. Ivory and cream are the same damn color! [SCENE_BREAK] KT HOUSE - Living room Rusty : Beav'. Beav'. Beaver : I'm kind of busy here, Rus. Rusty : Sorry, it's an emergency. Have you seen my roommate? I'm worried about him. Dark hair. Glasses. Members Only jacket. Beaver : Your roommate? He's nuts. Last time I saw him, he was talking to himself in a mirror. Then he started making out with a pillow. Go away. Rusty : Has anyone seen Dale? Dale : Has anyone seen my pants? They're like... They're like jeans, but they're made of something else. It's like... Guy : Hey, dude, what's up? You look awful. Cappie : You've been avoiding me. Rusty : Where's Dale? Cappie : Not here. We're all alone. Rusty : What's going on? What's up? Cappie : I might ask the same of you. Tell me, is the rumor true? Rusty : What rumor? Cappie : In a blind taste test, do the Cartwright kids prefer Maxwell House over Folger's? When I say Maxwell House, I mean Max. And when I say Folger's, I mean Cappie. Rusty : Oh, my God. Are you jealous of Max? Cappie : No. Only of his fresh-roasted aroma. Rusty : Ok. DEAN'S SPRING RECEPTION Casey : Can we go? I'm feeling skitted-out. Ashleigh : But the class of'79 is next! You'll miss Saturday Night ZBZ-ver! Tegan : I don't know how you did it, but nice going. You got my vote. Casey : I think I'm ready to call it a night. Ashleigh : And miss the cutting of the Kitty Kat Cake? Ever since 1932, when flour was hard to come by during the Depression... Casey : 'Night, Ash. Paula : So, let me guess, getting things done again? Casey : It's done. Paula : You don't sound too happy. Casey : Really? I thought I was so good at faking it. Paula : I'm not good at faking it either. This morning Mary Beth Gentrie-Manning caught me rolling my eyes at the breakfast proclamation. I'm probably on some kind of list now. Casey : Me too. The bad sisters list. I guess there's always something to compromise when you going after what you want. Paula : That's true. I remember when I was president of my chapter. Having served that vaunted post, just like you, my dear, I know all about compromise. Back in the day, I had a friend who rushed ZBZ when I was president. She was a nice girl, smart. But not exactly "ZBZ material," as we say. But since she was an old friend, I... Casey : Realized that loyalty and integrity were more important, than the image of the house, so you let her in. Paula : I blackballed her. Casey : I didn't see that coming. Paula : Neither did she. She never spoke to me again. And you can bet I'd rather look back on myself the way you just described me. As someone with loyalty and integrity. Not to mention someone with the balls to stand up for her friend. But that's hard. Especially when you're young. Casey : So I have the energy to fight. It's just better to fight smart, right? Why confront something head on when you can work around it? Play it safe? Paula : Playing it safe is what you do when you're afraid. Let me tell you something else I wish I'd known when I was young... There are very few things worth being afraid of. KT HOUSE - Living room Cappie : What? Pickle : They killed her, Cap. Cappie : Killed who? Pickle : Vesuvius. Cappie : No. It's not fair. She was so strong. Pickle : And now, thanks to them, she's dead. Cappie : Come here, I know... I know. Rusty : Where's the front door? Pickle : Probably rotting in the ground with Vesuvius. Cappie : Yep, I know. Rusty : Man, I'm really sorry, guys. Cappie : You OK? It's OK. Well, so much for Kappa Tau, Party Palace and Chapel of Love. Dale : Hey, Rus? I'm a little disoriented right now. Know what happened to my clothes? Or why I woke up with this? Rusty : Uh, you took a little too much sore throat medicine last night, Dale. It made you feel a little woozy. Dale : Oh, well, I would've preferred that you walked me home. Rusty : Next time. Dale : Ok. Cappie : Hey. Dale : Hey. Beaver : Does anyone know whose pants these are? 'Cause they're really making my bottom itch. KT HOUSE - Heath's room Heath : That party was out of control. But the craziest thing was you showing up afterwards. Calvin : Yeah, I plead temporary insanity on that one. Heath : So you wish you hadn't come over? Calvin : No! I'm glad I did. Heath : So, uh, what now? Calvin : I don't know. All I know is I'm in college, and I like to have fun, and I have fun with you. Heath : But what about Michael? DEAN'S SPRING RECEPTION Casey : Open up, open up, open up! Lizzie : Casey! Oh, you came to say goodbye! That's so sweet! Casey : No! I came to say, "Stop packing." Stop packing and stop being afraid. It's time you and I faced things head on. Ash? Ashleigh : It's time to get serious. And it starts with the hair. Ext. CRU Calvin : So... How was last night? Evan : Oh, that. Yeah, nothing happened. Calvin : Really? Nothing with Brianna? Evan : No. I walked her home, and then went back to the house. Calvin : Wait. So you didn't cheat on Frannie? Evan : You know, I figure when you cheat on someone, you're just giving them a reason to dump you. And I still find Frannie intriguing. Not ready for her to dump me yet. Know what I mean? Calvin : I guess. DEAN'S SPRING RECEPTION Lizzie : I don't know if i can do this. I'm not the kind of girls who disturbs when it says do not. Casey : You perfectly coiffed. And rock on some seriously imposing lips. Now, you go in there and tell Tegan you're not quitting And from now on, she needs to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Lizzie : But if i stay, you lose Tegan's vote, and Frannie gonna get her way. Casey : I'm not afraid anymore, Lizzi. Now, you get in there and start disturbing! Tegan : Sorry, sister. Freezi? Lizzie : I didn't give you permission to call me by a nickname. And i am not going anywhere, Te-Te! Frannie : What do you so smiley about? Casey : Sometimes, people smile when they're happy. Frannie : By happy, do you mean deluded? Because my sources assure me that i got this vote locked up. Four to three. Casey : Yes, this vote, you do. But the only vote i care about is for President and i am happy to have you challenge me for that, fair and square. Because i can not wait to kick your ass. KT HOUSE - Living room Pickle : Murderers. Cappie : I don't know if you're welcome here. Max : We came to help. These guys invented a DVR that detects and records any pornography playing anywhere in the world. Cappie : First you trash our house, now you're bragging? That's just bad form. Max : I'm just saying they're geniuses. They can help get the house back into shape. Even fix your sprinkler system and the other violations. I brought you some of my patented hangover cure. It actually is patented. Cappie : Thank you. Max : OK, let's... You guys... Rusty : Looks like we're home free. Cappie : Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thanks to SuperMax. Rusty : We would've figured something else out on our own. Cappie : Yeah. Rusty : But I have this other problem that I wanted to ask you about. Cappie : Why don't you just go ask Max? Rusty : Max would never be good at this. He's no good with girl problems. Cappie : Girl problems? I'm great with girl problems. Causing them. Complicating them further. Solving them. Hit me. Come on. Rusty : There's this girl in my Literature class. Her name's... Miley. Miley Montana. Cappie : Sounds familiar. Rusty : She acts one way during the day, but then she's totally different during the night. I'm so confused. Cappie : Spitter. Let me tell you about this girl I met freshmen year. DEAN'S SPRING RECEPTION Ashleigh : Oh, Nina. You better not lose my email. I will totally be there for your 30th anniversary party. Paula : You are looking much more chipper than the last time I saw you. Casey : I am chipper, thanks. And thanks for the advice. Paula : I really enjoyed meeting you, Casey. You strike me as a young woman with a lot of potential. That's my contact information. If you find yourself in my neck of the woods, give me a call. You got that? Casey : Thank you. Lizzie : OK, ladies. Chins out, and down. Casey : Bodies three-quarters-turned. Lizzie : Excellent! Casey : Paula Baker. Why does that sound familiar? Ashleigh : Paula Baker. One of our most illustrious sisters. Ten-term Congresswoman from Maryland's 43rd district. Currently serving on the House Appropriations Committee. Casey : Wow. Ashleigh : I know. I told you history's fun. Casey : So is politics. Maybe I shouldn't be limiting myself to just the sorority kind. Lizzie : OK, girls, this is it! Big smiles all around. See you next time sisters!

Casey, Frannie, and Ashleigh attend the annual, ZBZ conference , and Frannie takes it upon herself to introduce a proposal that, if passed, will allow her to seek the ZBZ presidency again. Kappa Tau faces closure due to housing violations until they agree to host the honor engineering program's annual Galileo party.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_05x06

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_05x06_0

Scene: The apartment. Sheldon's mother is visiting. Leonard: So what kind of cruise is this you're going on? Mrs Cooper: It's called the Born Again Boat Ride. Christian Quarterly gave it their highest rating, five thorny crowns. I do wish you'd come with me, Sheldon. Sheldon: Well, Mom, if I did, it would be conclusive proof that your God can work miracles. Mrs Cooper: You're missing out. It's gonna be wall-to-wall fun. It's all themed. There's Jonah and the Whale Watching, all-you-can-eat Last Supper Buffet, and my personal favourite, Gunning with God. Leonard: What's Gunning with God? I'm afraid to ask. Mrs Cooper: Oh, it is a hoot and a half. You write your sins on a clay pigeon, they fire 'em up in the air, and you pulverize them with a 12-gauge shotgun full of our Lord's forgiveness. Sheldon: Frankly, Mom, I'm encouraged to see how advanced your group has become, willing to sail out into the ocean without fear of falling off the edge. Mrs Cooper: For example, if Shelly was aboard, he'd write "smart mouth" on his pigeon, and then bam! Sheldon: The Lord giveth and the Lord bloweth away. Well, Mom, according to my itinerary for our weekend together, the fun begins with fried chicken. Mrs Cooper: Sounds delicious. Sheldon: Good, 'cause I got you everything you need to make it. You are in for a treat. My mother's fried chicken is why we had to buy my dad the extra large coffin. Leonard: Sheldon, she just got off the plane. She doesn't want to cook. Sheldon: Of course she does. Making me food is her way of saying I love you. Making me food when she's too tired to cook is her way of saying I really love you. Mrs Cooper: Actually, I wouldn't mind going out for a bite, Sheldon. Sheldon: Won't that spoil our appetites for the chicken you're going to make me? Leonard: All right, that settles it, we're going out. Do you like sushi? There's a great little place down the street. Mrs Cooper: I've never had it, but there's no harm in trying something new. Sheldon: There's a lot of harm in trying something new. That's why we test out drugs and cosmetics on bunny rabbits. Leonard: Sheldon, you're talking like a crazy person. Mrs Cooper: Actually, I had him tested as a child. Doctor says he's fine. Sheldon: Told you. Mrs Cooper: Although, I do regret not following up with that specialist in Houston. Credits Sequence. Scene: A sushi bar. All: Irasshaimase! Sheldon: Stop yelling! I'm not happy about this. Leonard: What's the last thing you were ever happy about? Sheldon: The prospect of fried chicken. Mrs Cooper: This is exciting. Back home, the diner on Route Four serves sushi, but it's just cut up fish sticks and a side of Uncle Ben's. They put it on the menu in those kung fu letters, but that don't make it sushi. Leonard: Uh, kung fu letters might not be politically correct. Mrs Cooper: Oh, I thought the one we couldn't say was ching chong. Leonard: Yeah, yeah, that, too. Mrs Cooper: So, Shelly, what's up with you and your friend Amy, if you don't mind a mother prying a bit? Sheldon: Well, there's actually big news on the Amy front. She's been studying the neurobiology of addiction in lower animals. She is this close to getting a starfish hooked on cocaine. Mrs Cooper: Do you have any idea what's going on with those two? Leonard: It's kind of like the Loch Ness monster. Maybe there's something there, maybe there isn't. We'll probably never know. But sometimes it's fun to creep yourself out thinking about it. Mrs Cooper: How are you doing on the young lady front? I hear you're in some sort of a long distance situation? Leonard: Uh, yeah, it's Raj's sister. It's kind of tough. She's in India. Also, her parents aren't happy she's dating someone white. Mrs Cooper: Oh, that's a funny turn, isn't it? You never think about it going the other way. Well, you can't force things. You need to figure out if you're in a relationship or if you're just calling it one. It's like they say, a cat can have kittens in the oven but that don't make 'em biscuits. Sheldon: And that reminds me of another saying. You can lead a chicken to Crisco, but you can'tmake your mother fry it. Mrs Cooper: Sheldon, you pester me one more time about chicken, I will put you over my knee right here in this restaurant. Leonard: Please pester her. Please, for me. Scene: The stairwell. Leonard: So, Mrs. Cooper, what did you think of the sushi? Mrs Cooper: It was good. The only thing that would have made it better is if it was cooked and if it was beef. Sheldon, when is your landlord going to fix the elevator? Sheldon: I don't know. Lately we've been talking about converting it into a missile silo. Leonard: Your son seems to think we need to launch a pre-emptive strike on Burbank. Sheldon: Get them before they get us. Raj (Sitting against their front door, drinking a beer): Hey, look who decided to show up. Leonard: Raj, what are you doing? Raj: I couldn't find you guys so I bought six new friends. Three, sadly, are dead. Sheldon: Mom, you remember Rajesh? Rajesh, my mother. Raj: Of course. Mrs. Cooper. So nice to see you again. Mrs Cooper: Well, it's so nice to see you, too. I thought it was our Indians that had the occasional alcohol problem. Leonard: We don't say that, either. I'll make you a list. Mrs Cooper: Oh, that would be mighty white of you. So, Raj, what pain are you trying to cover up with alcohol? Raj: Nothing, I'm fine. Mrs Cooper: Are ya? Raj: No. (Bursts into tears) Mrs Cooper: That's better. Now tell me what's bothering you. Raj: I'm so lonely. Sheldon: Oh, yes, born alone, die alone. It's a tragic human condition. Now, Raj, if you'll excuse my mother, she's about to make a pecan pie that'll be so good I'll almost forget how she blew it with the fried chicken. Mrs Cooper: Sheldon, your friend is hurtin'. What do we do when someone's hurtin'? Sheldon: Offer them a hot beverage. Mrs Cooper: And when they're drunk as a skunk, what beverage do we offer? Sheldon: Coffee. Mrs Cooper: And what do we do it with? (Sheldon fixes a large false smile.) Now you listen to me. I know you feel like you can't find someone, but there's a lock for every key. Back home, there's a girl works at the Wal-Mart. Tall, tall girl. Woman could hunt geese with a rake. Thought she'd never find a man, then one day, wouldn't ya know, Harlem Globetrotters come to town. Long story short, today that woman travels the world with a semi-professional basketball player and two beautiful mixed-race babies. Raj: I didn't get a lot of that because of your accent, but the general tone was soothing and somehow I feel better. Sheldon: I'm not going to get my pecan pie, am I? Leonard: You want some Oreos? Sheldon: Double Stuf? Leonard: No, regular. Sheldon: Nice. Kick a man when he's down. Scene: The laundry room. Sheldon: I'm glad we're finally getting to do something together, just the two of us. Mrs Cooper: Sure. One thing you really miss when you're on vacation is laundry. Sheldon: Careful, you're using too much Downey. You know if my clothes get too soft it makes me sleepy. Mrs Cooper: Well, this takes me back. Me doing your laundry, you next to me criticizing. Sheldon: It is nice, isn't it? Penny (arriving): Mrs. Cooper. Hi! Mrs Cooper: Oh, hello, darlin'. Penny: Sheldon, you didn't tell me your mom was coming. Sheldon: It was in my weekly e-mail blast. Right between beet season is finally here, and uh-oh, red stool from beets leads to cancer scare. Mrs Cooper: So, how've you been? Penny: Good, good. Mrs Cooper: I hear that Leonard has a new girlfriend. How are you doing with all that? Penny: Oh, fine. You know, it's been a while. I'm getting back out there. Mrs Cooper: Let me ask you, when you get back out there, are you wearing this? (Holds up a skimpy top) Penny: Well, it's super cute on. That top has paid for itself in free drinks like ten times what it cost. Sheldon: Yes, Penny has a lot of her money tied up in promiscuity futures. Mrs Cooper: Hon, you think maybe the reason why you're having trouble finding a guy to settle down with is because you're letting them ride the roller coaster without buying a ticket? Penny: Oh, they don't always get to ride the roller coaster. Sometimes they only get to spin the teacups. Now I'm going out tonight. Would it be crazy to ask you to look at the outfit I'm going to wear? Mrs Cooper: Oh, not crazy at all. And don't beat yourself up. When I was your age, you could have me for a car ride and a bottle of strawberry wine. Sheldon: Now that will not be in this week's e-mail blast. Scene: The apartment. Howard: So, this spring, I get to go to the International Space Station. Mrs Cooper: Oh, my word, a trip to the heavens. If you ever want to live there eternally, I've got a good book you could read. Howard: Thanks, but I watch the Charlie Brown Christmas special every year, so I get the gist. Mrs Cooper: I bet your mom is really proud of you. Howard: Nope. She says if I don't back out she's going to go on a hunger strike. It would take years before she'd be in any kind of danger, but still. Sheldon: I've got a treat for us tomorrow, Mom. I'm taking you to see Saul Perlmutter give a lecture about his Nobel Prize-winning work in cosmology. And the best part is, at the Q and A afterward, I've worked up a couple of Q's that will stump his sorry A. Mrs Cooper: I don't know, Shelly. I thought we could do a little sightseeing. Sheldon: What sight is better than your little boy embarrassing a Nobel laureate? Mrs Cooper: Come on, Sheldon, we'll take your mom to see the Hollywood sign, the wax museum, the Walk of Fame. Penny: Ooh, maybe a little Rodeo Drive. Mrs Cooper: Well, I can't spend twelve hundred dollars on a handbag, but it's free to look upon those who do with righteous condemnation. Howard: What do you say? Sheldon: What do I say? I say you people need to stop ruining my mom's visit with your sushi, and your sadness and your slutty shirts. Stop it. Howard (after Raj whispers to him): He's not talking about your shirt. Your shirt is fine. Scene: The kitchen. Leonard: These are delicious. Mrs Cooper: The trick to pancakes is bacon grease. I cook everything in it. Leonard: Everything? Aren't you worried about your health? Mrs Cooper: Oh, doctors are always changing their mind. One week bacon grease is bad for you. The next week we're not getting enough of it. Good morning, Shelly. Sheldon: Mom, I want to apologize for my behaviour last night. Mrs Cooper: Apology accepted. Sheldon: Great. Now, you're going to love the Perlmutter lecture. Look, he will be stating that the universe is older than 6,000 years, but I thought you could stick your fingers in your ears and hum Amazing Grace during those parts. Mrs Cooper: I am still going out with your friends. Sheldon: But I apologized. And that was hard for me because I didn't do anything wrong. Mrs Cooper: Shelly, I hung out with you in enough dusty lecture halls while you were growing up. I want to go sightseeing. So why don't you have some pancakes, get dressed and come with us. Sheldon: I'm not going, and you can't make me. Mrs Cooper: You're right, I can't. Have a nice day. Sheldon: Well, I'm going to stand here until you change your mind. Mrs Cooper: Well, then you are going to stand there all day. Leonard: I'm just gonna take my bacon grease and slide over there. Sheldon: I can't believe my own mother is abandoning me. Mrs Cooper: I am not abandoning you. Sheldon, abandoning you is leaving you in a basket on a church doorstep. I am going to Hollywood and thank a wax Ronald Reagan for his service to our country. Sheldon: We appear to be at a crossroads in our relationship, Mother. Mrs Cooper: Well, I guess we are. Leonard: Sorry. Syrup. Sheldon: All right, Mom. When you're at the Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum, if they have an exhibit about a mother who threw away a chance to spend the day with the world's most wonderful son, believe it, because it's true. (Grabs pancakes and snatches syrup from Leonard's hand) Leonard: I hadn't... [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Amy's apartment. Sheldon: That lecture was a waste of time. I made more accurate diagrams of the expansion of the early universe on the nursery wall with the contents of my diaper. (Sneezes) Amy: Are you getting sick? Sheldon: No, I'm just allergic to people who get Nobel Prizes for no good reason. Amy: Sheldon, is it possible that your foul mood, or, to use the clinical term, bitchiness, is because your mother isn't making you a priority? Sheldon: No. Or to use the clinical term, nuh-uh. Amy: Are you sure? The infant-mother pair-bond is the building block of primate psychology. Sheldon: Oh, there it is. It always comes back to monkeys with you. Just monkeys, monkeys, monkeys. Amy: Sheldon, we're all animals. And granted, there are aspects of you that are extraordinary, but when it comes to emotions and relationships, you're just like everybody else. Sheldon: Are you trying to suggest that my emotional problems are no different than those of a stupid person? Amy: Actually, some research indicates that by not over-thinking, the less intelligent handle emotions better. (He sneezes again) Sure you're not coming down with a cold? Sheldon: Oh, yes, the common cold. Just like everyone else. You'd love that, wouldn't you? Scene: A church. Mrs Cooper: Oh, this one's sweet. You know, for your rosary rattlers. Leonard: Mrs. Cooper, we say Catholics, not rosary rattlers. Mrs Cooper: My goodness, it's a wonder you people in California can talk at all. Penny: This is like the worst Hollywood tour ever. Leonard: What are you gonna do? She wanted to see churches. Penny: Hey, they have wine here, don't they? Raj (pointing at a crucifixion statue): Hey, none of our gods have abs like that. Howard: Yep, that's the last Jew who did sit-ups. And look where it got him. Mrs Cooper: Hey, while we're here, why don't we all do some praying? Let's put a little church in this church. Leonard: Oh, I'm not sure we should. Mrs Cooper: It's easy. I'll show you how. Lord, Mary Cooper here. Coming to you from Gomorrah, California. I want to thank you for the blessing that is my little Shelly. I also want to thank you for the continued strength not to coldcock him with my Bible. All right, Penny, your turn. Penny: Okay, um, hey, God. What's up? Um, I'm good, but, uh, it would be a big help to my family if you could get my brother to stop cooking meth. But no cops. Be cool. Mrs Cooper: She also goes a little overboard on the love thy neighbour. Could probably use that chat you had with Mary Magdalene. Leonard, you're up. Wasserman, you're on deck. Leonard: Okay. I don't know, it's probably a little late to ask you to make me taller. Oh, um, if you could help out with me and my girlfriend. She's all the way in India. That would be great. Mrs Cooper: Hear that? Girl trouble. Turns out we were both wrong on that front. How about you? Howard: Oh, me? No. Thanks, I'm good. I'm really just trying not to burst into flames. Mrs Cooper: Rajesh? Howard: He says he's having trouble dropping those last five pounds. Mrs Cooper: Huh, I might have gone with the talking-to-girls thing. Howard: No, you only get one wish. Scene: A park bench. Sheldon is sitting. A stranger sits next to him. Sheldon: Look at the two of us. Me, a highly regarded physicist. The kind of mind that comes along once, maybe twice in a generation. You, the common man, tired from your labours as a stockbroker, or vacuum cleaner salesman, or bootblack. But deep down inside, apparently we're just two peas in a pod. A regular pea, and the kind of pea that comes along once, maybe twice in a generation. Rain. Another great equalizer. Falling on the head of the brilliant and the unremarkable alike. (The stranger puts up an umbrella) Smarty-pants. Scene: The kitchen. Penny: Oh, Mrs. Cooper, it smells so good. Mrs Cooper: You take notes, darlin'. The real way to get a man is with melted cheese and cream of mushroom soup. He'll die at 50 but his love will be true. Sheldon (entering, soaked): I need a tissue.This one got wet. Leonard: Here. Sheldon: Thank you. Yeah, I've learned something today. You and I, in so many ways, other than intelligence and what counts, we're the same. (Sneezes) Mrs Cooper: Sweetheart, are you sick? Sheldon: I hope so, because if this is well, life isn't worth living. Mrs Cooper: Oh, sugarpie, you are burning up. We've got to get you to bed. Sheldon: Okay. Mrs Cooper: Don't worry. Mama's here to take care of her baby. Sheldon: And just to be clear, only her baby and not these other people. Mrs Cooper: Of course. Sheldon: Can I have tea with honey and toast with the crust cut off? Mrs Cooper: You can have whatever you want. Sheldon: Thanks, Mom.You're the best. Scene: Sheldon's bedroom. Mrs Cooper: Boy, last time I put VapoRub on you, you didn't have hair on your chest. Sheldon: I know, it filled in last year. I didn't get to spend a lot of time with you on this visit. Mrs Cooper: And whose fault was that? Sheldon: Yours. Mrs Cooper: Shelly, you're not eight years old any more. We have to have a different relationship. Sheldon: No, we don't. The one we have works great. Mrs Cooper: Sweetheart, you are a grown man. Sheldon: Or maybe I'm part of a new species, that lives for hundreds of years, which means I'm still basically a toddler. Mrs Cooper: Oh, I so should have taken you to Houston. Sheldon: Does this mean you're not going to sing Soft Kitty? Mrs Cooper: No, I will always sing you Soft Kitty. (Sings) Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur... Leonard (at door): Mrs. Cooper, were we supposed to take that pie out of the oven? Sheldon: Get out! Mrs Cooper: Well, that was rude. Sheldon: Well, I know, but he means well. Sing. Mrs Cooper: Happy kitty, sleepy kitty... Sheldon: What are you trying to pull, Mom? From the top. Mrs Cooper (to God): This is what I'm talking about. (Sings) Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur...

Sheldon's mother comes to Pasadena for a weekend visit while waiting to board a Christian cruise called the "Born Again Boat Ride". However she decides to spend her time eating out and going sightseeing around Los Angeles with Leonard, Penny, Howard and Raj instead of cooking and watching Sheldon embarrass a Nobel laureate. This upsets him, creating a standoff between himself and his mother. When he talks about his mother's behavior to Amy, she counsels him that while he is a genius, his emotional reactions to his mother ignoring him are no different from that of any other human being, and that the less intelligent might be able to handle their emotions better by not over thinking them. While returning home that evening, he gets caught in the rain and comes down with a fever, prompting his mother to nurse him back to health.

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Judge : You are heading down a dangerous pass. You don't have a job. Victoria : Your honor... She does have a job. She works for me. Alex : How did we get the funding for the movie? Julian : My father and I put up the money, because I believe in you. Brooke : All day long I've been trying to figure out how to get past the you-and-Alex thing. Julian : Maybe right now, you need to work on you, and I need to work on me. Goodbye, Brooke. Haley : Hey, Tay. You remember Quinn's ex boyfriend. Taylor : I prefer to call him my new boyfriend. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : Haley, stop! Haley : Sorry. Just trying to wake Taylor and David. Nathan : I'm sure you did, along with the rest of the neighborhood. How long have you been up? Haley : Since I dreamt that my sister was screwing my other sister's husband. Ex-husband. Nathan : Did you dream that too that's so weird? Did I kill them in yours? Haley : No, actually, you played it cool. Nathan : Well, then you really were dreaming, because there's no way to play this cool. This is the most uncool thing Taylor's ever done. Taylor : Morning, kids. Haley : Good morning, slut. You can get your things and go now. Taylor : What's wrong? Are you still mad about me and David? That's so last night. Haley : You like that outfit enough to get buried in, or you want to go put something on? Taylor : Why? It's nothing he hasn't seen before. But if you insist. Haley : Come... are you gonna say something? Nathan : "I love you"? Jamie : Good morning! Nathan : Oh, hey, I almost forgot. We're late for the video-game shoot. Better get going. Have a good day, Hales. Love you. Jamie : Bye, mom. AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Paul : This house is perfect for the movie. How were you able to get it for free? Julian : What can I say? I'm a great producer. No, it's Lucas' house. He said we could use it. Paul : How's rehearsal going with Alex Dupr ? I see she and Peter are really each other harms. Julian : I think it's important for a director and actor to establish boundaries early on. Paul : I know he's a little high-maintenance, but the guy's talented. Besides, the clock was ticking, and we didn't have much of a budget. Julian : Alex. Alex Dupr , this is my father, Paul Norris. Alex : It's nice to finally meet you, Paul. Paul : Nice to meet you, too, Alex. Alex : I've seen you in the trades. Paul : I've seen you in the tabloids. Alex : That was the old me. Paul : Good... I shouldn't have to tell you how important this film is to both Julian and myself. Julian : You don't have to worry about her, dad. She's here to work. Alex : Yep. I'm a professional. Paul : You're certainly dressed like one. Alex : Oh, thank you. I picked it out myself since we don't have a wardrobe person. Director : Could we get to work, please? Alex : Bye. Julian : I haven't hired a costume designer yet. Paul : Why not? Julian : The person I wanted didn't work out. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Victoria : Dare I ask what's in the box? You're staring at it like someone sent you a severed head. Brooke : It's Julian's stuff. He broke up with me last night. Victoria : Oh, honey, I'm sorry, dear. A head would have been an improvement. Brooke : I want to take it to him, but I just don't think I can see him right now. And I really don't want to see Alex. Victoria : Even if her head were severed? Brooke : Stop talking about severed heads! Victoria : Okay, how about I take care of the box? Okay? I mean, we run a multimillion-dollar company. I'm sure we can afford a courier. There's no need for unnecessary drama. Before I forget, Millicent is working with us again. Shall be in this morning. AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT Mouth : So much for our security deposit. Millicent : Sorry about the mess. I'll clean it when I get back from work. Mouth : I'm not worried about the place. I'm worried about you. Are you okay? Millicent : Not really, but I'm trying. Mouth : Have you thought about going back to rehab? Millicent : Yeah, I've thought about it. Mouth : Well, let me know if there's anything I can do to help. Millicent : How long are you staying? Mouth : I'm not sure. Maybe... a day or two? Millicent : But you'll be here when I get home? Mouth : Yeah. Millicent : That helps. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : Come on. You cannot expect me to honestly believe that this... thing between the two of you is anything more than some sick joke. Taylor : What's so sick about it? David's a great guy. Quinn couldn't see it. I can. Can't you just be happy for us? Haley : You know what would make me happy, is throwing you out a window. But I'm gonna settle for you using the front door. Taylor : That's no way to treat your sister and possible two-time brother-in-law. David : Good morning, Haley. Haley : "Good morning." Yeah, don't "morning" me, David. Taylor : You will have to forgive my sister. She's cranky this morning. Hopefully, she'll be in a better mood tonight. David and I are cooking dinner for everyone tonight. Haley : No, that's not happening! You can't... That's not happening... not tonight, not ever. Taylor : Why not? Quinn already agreed to it. I'll see you tonight. Haley : David! How can you do this to Quinn? David : It's no worse than what she did to me. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Quinn : I told them we slept together. Clay : What? So, now you want me to go to dinner with your ex, who probably wants to kill me, and your sister, who's obviously insane? Quinn : Yeah, it's okay. You don't have to come if you don't want to. Clay : I just... I don't get it. I know why David wants to hurt you, but why would your own sister go along with it? Quinn : You have to know Taylor. When we were kids, she tried stealing my boyfriends. And now she's after my ex-husband. So, I guess she never grew up. Clay : And that doesn't bother you? Quinn : A little, but not nearly as much as that does. AT VIDEO GAME SHOOT Clay : See, how cool is your dad? I mean, not now, of course, but he is gonna look great in this new video game. Jamie : When do I get to play? Clay : Well, the game won't be ready for a month, but we shod be able to get you a prototype to play tonight. You look good covered in balls. Nathan : Now I know how Taylor feels. Clay : Hey, speaking of, I, uh... Take it you heard about this dinner tonight? Nathan : Yes. I got a very angry text message from my wife. You coming? Clay : No, I, uh, think I have some work to catch up on. Nathan : Quinn's okay with that? I mean, if Haley's this pissed, I can't imagine how upset Quinn must be. Clay : It's strange, but she seems okay. She was more upset by Kylie showing up for a swim in my pool this morning. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : Who is Kylie?! Quinn : Some chick who took a whore bath in Clay's pool this morning. Haley : My God, Quinn, that's awful. Must just make you want to rip David's head off and punch Taylor right in her fat face. Quinn : You shouldn't let them get to you. Haley : How are they not getting to you? Quinn : David has a right to be upset with me, and Taylor's always been a bitch. So what do you want me to do? Haley : Uh, I don't know, say no when they invite you to dinner. Quinn : Clay makes me happy, Haley! Why shouldn't David be happy? I mean, I can't imagine that Taylor is the one for him, but if she is, I'll deal with it. Haley : Just like that? Quinn : If they want to throw their relationship in my face, I have to let them know it doesn't bother me, right? Haley : No! Not right! And let me tell you something. If Nathan and I got divorced and he and Taylor showed up playing kissy-face, not only would I never see them again, nobody else would, either. Quinn : So you're saying I should kill them. I mean, it's a little extreme, don't you think? Haley : No, you're right. Having dinner with them is so much more sane. See you tonight. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Alexander : How you holding up today? Still upset, I see. "Clothes over Psychos" coming this fall to prisons everywhere. Millicent : Hey, Brooke. Alexander : Alexander Coyne. Millicent : Millicent Huxtable. Nice to meet you. Do you need help with anything? Brooke : Just ask Victoria... 'cause you work for her. Alexander : Wow. You're a mean boss. You're like an evil Disney character who feeds her servants porridge and pays them in buttons. AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT Mouth : Lauren. Hi. What are you doing here? Lauren : Hey, I just talked to Antwon. He said you were back in town. Oh, looks like you had one hell of a party. I'm sorry I missed it. Mouth : Yeah, I missed it, too. But, uh, at least I get to clean it. Lauren : Do you want some help? Come on, we can pretend we're CSI and re-create what happened. Mouth : I don't think I want to know. Lauren : Oh, come on. It'll be fun. First one who finds the couch wins? Mouth : All right AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Jamie : Can Chuck come over and play the new game tonight? Nathan : Yeah, of course. You two are friends again? Jamie : Yeah. We homies. Nathan : See? Sometimes friends, they fight, they get mad at each other, but then they make up. Jamie : Like mom, aunt Quinn, and aunt Taylor? Nathan : Exactly. They're mad at each other now, but eventually it'll blow over... Hey, what's going on? Haley : Well, let's see Taylor try and cook dinner with no pots and pans. Nathan : You and Chuck play upstairs tonight. AT THE OFFICE Director : I can't find Alex. Have you seen her? Julian : Have you checked your hand? It's usually on her ass. What do you need her for, anyway? Director : I want to put my hand on her ass. Julian : Why don't you just leave her alone and let her act? Director : What's the point of being in a movie with Alex Dupr if I don't get to sleep with her? Julian : The point is that she's a great actress who wrote an amazing script. Director : Oh, sure, but it doesn't hurt that she's gone down more times than the sun. If you see her, tell her I'm in my trailer. Alexander : Brooke thought you might want your stuff back. Sorry, man. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Julian : I don't appreciate you sending your boy toy to deliver my stuff. Brooke : W... well, I don't appreciate the dumping you delivered to me last night, so I guess we're even. Julian : Oh, come on, Brooke. You broke up with me when you left. I just had the nerve to call it what it was. And I didn't need to send an Alex to do it for me. Brooke : I just needed some space! Julian : Well, you got it. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Clay : Hey, there. Quinn : Oh. It's me, by the way... Quinn. Just in case you were wondering. I mean, you never know who's gonna stop by for a swim, right? Clay : I'm sorry about this morning, Quinn. I didn't know she was coming over, and it won't happen again. Quinn : Just her or all the others, too? Clay : I don't know who you think I am. Quinn : I know exactly who you are. Clay : Maybe who I used to be. Quinn : It's okay. It's only been a couple of months. I can't expect y to be a different person. Clay : No. But you can expect me to be the type of guy that you can count on. I'm coming with you tonight. Quinn : Really? Clay : Yeah. Quinn : Wow, I didn't see that one coming. Clay : You know what else you didn't see coming? Quinn : No, no. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : What are you doing? Haley : I'm spoiling my appetite. Nathan : Haley, if you're so against this dinner, then why did you agree to it? It's a bad idea. Haley : Of course it's a bad idea. It's a terrible idea. But if Quinn and Taylor say I should be fine, I'm gonna be fine. Nathan : You seem fine. Haley : Oh, I am. I'm gonna sit at dinner like a perfect little angel. And I'm gonna say, "oh, that's so nice, Taylor." "Um, Taylor, that's a really funny story." "Would you please pass the potatoes, Taylor?" Only there won't be any potatoes... Hey, Brooke! S'up? Brooke : Hi. I was just feeling a little lost, so I thought I'd come see the most stable couple I know. AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT Lauren : The suspect started here, but he couldn't hold his liquor, so he stashed the wounded soldier and made a mad dash for the bathroom. Mouth : How would you know that? Lauren : Splatter pattern. Looks like he projectile from over here. Mouth : That is really gross. Lauren : Yeah. You can clean that up. So, are you here for good, or is this just a visit? Mouth : Uh, I'm not sure. I really only left 'cause Millie and I were having problems. I thought it would do me some good. You know, out of sight, out of mind. Lauren : Did it work? Mouth : No. She was just out of sight. Lauren : I'll clean the vomit. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Brooke : That makes me sick! Taylor is awful! I thought Alex was a bitch. Haley : Ye, I know, right? And don't worry about Alex. Julian obviously still loves you. Brooke, he stayed in Tree Hill to make his movie. Brooke : Yeah, well, he made it very clear today that he does not want to see me anymore. Haley : He is probably just upset. You guys are way too good together not to make it. Just give it some time. Brooke : Okay. Fine. Don't worry about this dinner tonight. You know, it's gonna be over before you know it. Haley : Actually, Nathan's betting we don't make it through dinner. He said he thinks I'm gonna attack Taylor before the salad is served. Brooke : Well, can you blame him? You've been arrested more times than anyone I know, "Jailey." Haley : I hate my name. Brooke : Let the wild rumpus start. Thanks, Hales. You'll be okay. Enjoy your last supper, Judas. AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Director : If you're going to act like a p0rn star, the least you could do is take your bloody clothes off! Julian : Oh, oh, hold on. Okay, Alex, come here. Director : We're in the middle of rehearsal here. Julian : Are you okay? Alex : No. He keeps hitting on me. And when I wouldn't say hello to his "little friend," he got mad and said I wasn't right for the part. I think he's trying to make me quit. Julian : Okay, I'll take care of it. Just do your best. Could you do me a favor, Peter? Director : I'm not big on favors. Julian : Okay, then, I'll make it an order. Take it easy on Alex. Maybe you could give her some direction instead of just yelling at her. Director : Whatever you say, boss. Let's take it from the top. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : Chuck's here, buddy. Chuck : So, where's this brand-new game that's not even out yet? Jamie : Right here. It's really cool. Chuck : We'll see. I get to be your dad. Nathan : Nice to have you back, Chuck. Chuck : Whatever. Nathan : You're not using the good silverware? Haley : Good silverware is for good people. They're lucky I'm not making them eat off the floor. Nathan : Are you gonna be civil tonight? Just try, Haley, please. It's only one night. Look, we've weathered Dan's crap for years. This should be easy. Taylor : Got it! You must be Quinn's boyfriend. Clay : And you must be her crazy sister. AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Alex : I'm not crazy. I love him. He's all I ever dream about, and I dot care if anybody else gets that. So I'm going back to him. Director : That's awful! Just awful! Can't you do anything right? Obviously not. Cut deeper next time. How's that for direction? Julian : When he comes to, tell him he's fired. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : Okay, let's get this over with. Taylor : Can we say grace first? Haley : You're religious now? Taylor : Well, I have been calling out God's name a lot lately. Thank you, God, for my wonderful family, for the food that we're about to receive... And for David. His chest... strong arms... home theater... David : Oh, she does love the home theater. Nathan : Amen. Quinn : Amen. David : Amen! Clay : Amen. Taylor : Amen! AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Alex : How's your hand? Julian : Better than his head. Alex : Thanks for sticking up for me. You've had to do that a lot lately. I'm pretty sure nobody thinks I can do this movie. Julian : Since when do you give a crap about what anybody else thinks? Alex : It's just... what if I screw up? Julian : You won't. Have some faith in yourself. I do. Alex : I won't let you down. Julian : I know. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Taylor : What was I saying? Haley : You said, "watch this." Quinn : So, uh, I think we're all curious. How exactly did you two get together? Taylor : Glad you asked. It was just another boring d at the gym when who should accidentally walk into my stripper aerobics class? Clay : David. Taylor : Ooh! Quinny's got herself a smart one. Yes. David. He was so embarrassed to leave, he stayed the entire class. David : And it was quite a workout. Taylor : I gave him a private session later that night. And the rest, as they say, is s*x. Quinn : I'm really happy you two found each other. Haley : Okay, if nobody else is gonna say it, then I will. Nathan : Please don't, Haley. Haley : Taylor, at any point, did it occur to you, "hooking up with my sister's ex-husband... That might be kind of insensitive...and whorish"?! Taylor : Funny, no. Haley : David, you and Quinn just got divorced. How can you sleep with someone else so soon? Especially our sister! David : Oh, you want to talk about insensitive and horish? Quinn had s*x with this bozo when we were still married. Haley : What? Quinn : Actually, uh... we've never had s*x. I just told you that we did. Clay : Yes, Nate, I would love another beer. Nathan : Good idea. Taylor : Boy, can you clear a room. Quinn : David. David : How could you lie to me about something like that? Quinn : Because you weren't letting go! Okay, I needed you to move on, and I thought the only way you'd do it is if you hated me. David : Well, mission accomplished. I do hate you. Quinn : David, listen to me. David : You know what? And say what you want about Taylor. At least she's been honest with me. Clay : I thought contract negotiations were tense? It is insane in that room. And David's bigger than I remember. Nathan : So you really haven't slept with her? Clay : Shut up, man. I like her. Nathan : I can tell. You came here instead of hiding out somewhere. Clay : Yeah, I thought I owed her that much, especially after the whole Kylie thing. Hey, I don't suppose that we could just hide in here for a while and not go back? Nathan : Probably not. Anyway, you're the one that added "falling insanely in love with Quinn" to my contract. Probably should have added s*x to that, too, huh? AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke : Why did you send Alexander to drop off Julian's stuff? He's really upset! What happened "no need for unnecessary drama"? Victoria : Yeah, well, that drama was very necessary, dear. I needed to show you that he still had feelings for you. Whatever you do with that information is up to you. Brooke : Mother! Victoria : All right, enough said. I'll keep out of it. Now, on to other business. Millicent... you're shutting her out. Brooke : What do you care? Victoria : Well, I've never been a fan of Millicent's, but she was always there for you. She believed in you when your own mother didn't. And now she needs someone to believe in her. More important, she needs a friend. Brooke : No, she doesn't. She has you. Victoria : I am not the friend type. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Taylor : Now I know who Clay reminds me of. Who was that guy that you dated freshman year? Quinn : Dan Thomson? Taylor : Whatever happened to him? Quinn : You told him you'd sleep with him if he broke up with me so he did... and then you did. Taylor : That's right. I'm the sister who actually sleeps with guys. Clay : Do they give you a medal for that or just a shot? Haley : We have cupcakes for dessert, in case anybody wants them. I bought them for Jamie, but Taylor doesn't seem to have a problem taking other people's stuff. Taylor : I wish I could be like you, Haley. Just eat whatever I want and get fat. Haley : Your lip is about to get fat! Nathan : All right, that's enough. I can't take this anymore. If anybody needs me, I'll be upstairs with the kids, having a more mature conversation. Chuck : Your dad sucks! Nathan : Excuse me? Jamie : Chuck says your character isn't that good. Chuck : I said he sucks. And he hasn't even made one basket yet. Nathan : Well, I'm sure my character is fine. Why am I crying? Chuck : Because you got dunked on three times, and then a fan threw a soda at you. Jamie : I thought you were supposed to be good. Nathan : I was. I am. Give me this. AT THE OFFICE Paul : I heard you fired Peter. Julian : Yeah, I haven't had a great day. Paul : I also heard you knocked him out. Julian : His day was worse. Paul : You seem to be moving backwards as a producer. We start filming in a week. You have no costume designer. You knocked out my director. In fact, all you do have is an unreliable, uninsurable actress. We've both invested a lot of money in this movie. Find a way to fix it. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Chuck : Hey, why couldn't I do that? Nathan : I guess only a Scott can play a Scott. Jamie : Come on come on, come on! Nathan : Boom! Game! Eat that, Chuck! Who sucks now, huh? Jamie : You do. Haley : When you're, um, done with your "mature conversation," can I talk to you for a second? Will you talk to David? Will you help him realize that what he's doing is wrong? Please, please. Nathan : Okay, yes. I'll be right down. Haley : Okay Nathan : I'll be down in a sec. All right, guys. I got to head back down. Jamie : Everyone still fighting? Nathan : Afraid so. Chuck : Dude, your family's lame. Clay : Hey, you. Quinn : I shouldn't have lied to David. Clay : Quinn, don't beat yourself up. Look, I think everyone has done things in their past that they regret. I know I have... He said about Kylie. Quinn : Yeah, it just makes it hard when our pasts are swimming in our pools and cooking us dinner. Clay : I know. David : What's up? What? What's so funny? Nathan : Just tell me you know how messed up this is. David : I was just trying to show Quinn... Yes, it's messed up. Nathan : Okay. That's all I wanted to hear. David : So you're not mad? Nathan : Well, I can't say I totally support what you're doing, but, um, I also didn't like the way Quinn handled things, so... David : Thanks. Clay : But I got to say that you are handling this way better than I would have. Quinn : It helps that you're here with me. Thank you. Clay : I'm happy to be here. But I'm also happy to leave. I'm just saying... Quinn : Yeah. Clay : Anytime. Nathan : So, are you really into Taylor, or was this all just to get back at Quinn? David : We're actually having fun together. She's the first person that's made me smile in... Longer than I can remember. Nathan : Well...that's good. Just make sure you like her for the right reasons and not because she reminds you of her sister. David : So we're cool? Nathan : Yeah. But if Haley asks, I yelled at you, and you're sorry. David : I am. Nathan : Okay. AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT Mouth : The place looks great. Thank you. Lauren : Yeah, just don't ever look under the third cushion. There are bad things under there! How lame is it that I actually had fun cleaning? Can you tell how starved for company I've been? Mouth : I know how you feel. I don't know anyone in L.A. besides Skills, and I barely see him 'cause he's so busy. Lauren : Yeah. Being alone sucks. Mouth : Skills misses you. You know that, right? Lauren : I know. It's just... Mouth : Being alone sucks. Lauren : Yeah. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Julian : Sorry about this morning. Brooke : I'm sorry, too. I should have brought the box to you myself. But I just thought it would be too hard to see you. Julian : That makes what I want to ask difficult. The movie shoots in a week, and we don't have a costume designer. And the reason we don't is because I was planning on asking you when you got back... Which is why I'm asking you now. Brooke : We just broke up. Julian : I know. Good timing, huh? But you're the only one I trust, and I need the best for this movie. Brooke : I would love to help you, but I don't know if I can do that. Julian : Just think about it. Okay? You... you don't even have to look at me if you don't want to. Brooke : Okay, I'll... think about it. Julian : Thanks. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE David : Haley. I'm sorry. We were wrong to come here. Haley : Thank you. That means a lot, David. Taylor : Don't apologize. We haven't done anything wrong. Quinn : You know, maybe David hasn't, but you have been a problem your whole life, Taylor. When Haley got her first period, you tried to convince her that she was dying! You told crazy uncle Frank that I... That I had a crush on him? Oh, in high school, you had s*x in mom's car and then told her it was me. Taylor : Well, to be fair, it was with your ex-boyfriend. Haley : And now you're sleeping with David! Taylor : Why are you getting so mad at me about going after Quinn's leftovers? You went after mine. Haley : I want you to admit that what you're doing is wrong! Taylor : No! Say you're happy for me! Haley : Taylor, I'm so sick of you're such a bitch to everyone your whole life! Taylor : Haley! Haley : Taylor! Taylor : Give us your blessing, Haley! Haley : Dude, I take it back. Chuck : Your family's cool! Jamie : I got five bucks on my mom. Chuck : Oh, yeah! Haley : You lucky, if Nathan hadn't stopped the fight, I'd have one less Christmas card to send. Taylor : Oh, no. You mean I wouldn't get another Christmas card if Jamie dressed hasn't out whatever would I do? Quinn : Enough already! Just stop! Just stop, please! Did you get what you wanted? Are you satisfied now? Taylor : Nightly. Quinn : Just promise me you won't hurt David. Taylor : Like you did? Quinn : Yeah. He's been through enough. He doesn't need you pretending to like him just to get back at me. Taylor : Who's pretending? I do like him. Quinn : Fine. Taylor : Fine. Haley : "Fine." "Fine." No. No! It's not fine! It's not fine! What is wrong with you two?! Taylor : I'm happy. Quinn's happy. What do you want, Haley? Haley : I want you to admit that you're a bitch! Quinn : That's fair. Taylor : Fine. I'm a bitch. Haley : Fine. Clay : What's going on? Nathan : I don't know, but they're not trying to kill each other anymore, so... Clay : That's good, right? If those three can work through their differences, then maybe... David : Not a chance. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke : Millie. You holding up okay? Millicent : I'm getting there. Marvin came back last night. Brooke : That's great. It must be hard to see him after everything that's happened. Millicent : It is. But it was harder not seeing him. Brooke : Millie? Can you help me with this? Millicent : Sure. Thanks. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Quinn : You leaving? David : I never should have come. Quinn : I'm sorry I lied to you. I did it 'cause I wanted you to be happy. Are you happy? David : I'm getting there. You happy? Quinn : I am. David. This is yours. Just maybe don't give it to Taylor. I'm sorry. David : It's okay. I'll be okay. AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT Millicent : You didn't have to do all this. Mouth : You shouldn't be living this way. Millicent : So, are you leaving soon? Mouth : No, I think I'm gonna stay for a while. Millicent : Really? Why? Mouth : Because you shouldn't be alone. AT THE STUDIO Brooke : You really think I'm the best. Julian : Of course you are. Brooke : So, let me get this straight. I'm better than everybody else on the planet, who could possibly do this job? Julian : That's right. Brooke : Well, I guess if I am the best and you need the best... Then I have to do it. It wouldn't be fair otherwise. When do I start? Julian : As soon as I find a director. Brooke : You don't have a director? Did you hire anyone for this movie? Julian : The last guy didn't work out. Brooke : What a shame. Too bad you don't know anyone who's... always wanted to direct... who knows the movie really well. I'm thinking someone whose name rhymes with "Shmulian"? You know anyone like that? Julian : I don't think my dad would go for that. You know, I've never directed before. Brooke : Make him go for it. Tell him you hired the best costume designer on the planet, and she'll only work with you if you direct. Because, PS., that's now the deal. Have your people call my people. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Quinn : Another blast from your past? Clay : Ah, I had the locks changed today. Quinn : Thanks for sticking with me through dinner. I know it was a pretty miserable time. Clay : I kind of actually enjoyed it. Man : Keys to your house, sir. Clay : Thank you very much. Now you will be the only person with a key to my house. You and the maid, that is. Quinn : You didn't have to do this. Clay : Yeah, I know, but I wanted to do something to show you how important you are to me. I know I've said it, but this way, you have proof in case you ever forget. I was just lucky I was able to find a locksmith on such short notice. Quinn : You're about to get even luckier. Clay : Finally. Can we tell everyone at the next dinner? Quinn : Come on. AT THE OFFICE Paul : Thank you, Jessica. I made a list of directors who won't mind working with a suicidal actress and a psychotic producer for minimal pay. Julian : I want to direct. I know this movie, I know how to deal with Alex, and I got you to keep me on track. What do you think? Paul : You were at the top of the list. We have less than a week before we roll. Better get to work. Julian : Yes, sir. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : I cannot wait to get into bed and forget about this awful, awful day. Nathan : Why? It was a good day. Haley : What was good about it? Nathan : Well, of all the crazy drama today, none of it was ours. There were no psycho women stalking me or my family. There were no contract problems. There was no Dan. I'd take a million days like today. Haley : Yeah, I guess you're right. It was a good day... What? Nathan : Your... Your family's crazy. Haley : Whatever. What time does "Scott free" come on? Nathan : Oh, nice!

Nathan tries to keep Haley calm after Taylor shows up at their house with Quinn's ex-husband in town. Julian sticks up for Alex on the set of their movie, and Brooke leans on Alexander to ease her heartache. Meanwhile, Clay gets a chance to prove his commitment to Quinn by helping her through a dinner with her sister and David. This episode is named after a song by Sly and the Family Stone .

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[Scene: A Video Store, Monica is running in to return a video.] Monica: (to clerk) Hi. (The clerk enters the video into the computer.) Clerk: Six dollars, please. Monica: Six? I just had it for one night. It's three. Clerk: Eight o'clock is the cut-off and, (looks at his watch) aww, it's 8:02. Monica: Y'know in a weird way, you have too much power. Look, you're gonna have to help me out here, 'cause I only have three. Richard: (standing behind her, without his moustache) I can help with that. Monica: Oh my God. Richard? (turns around) Hi! Richard: Hi! Monica: Wow! Your lip went bald. (Richard pays the clerk) Hey, thanks. Richard: So, you look great. Monica: Right. Richard: No you do. You... just... Monica: What? Richard: You've got panties stuck to your leg. Monica: (removes them) That's because I-I was just grabbing some things out of the dryer, and it's static cling. Or maybe it's just that God knew I'd be running into you and saw an opportunity. Richard: It's good to see you. Monica: It's good to see you too. (They hug, and Richard notices a stocking stuck to Monica's back, which he removes for her.) Opening Credits [Scene: continued from earlier.] Monica: You see that guy? He's in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave he's going straight to the p0rn. Richard: He's gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane, Vertigo, and Clockwork Orgy. (they both laugh) This is nice. Monica: Yeah. Richard: I missed this. Monica: Me too. Richard: So, you wanna get a hamburger or something? Monica: Oh, um, I don't know if that's a good idea. Richard: Oh. Look, just friends, I won't grope you. I promise. Monica: No, I just I think that it's too soon. Richard: No it's not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Ross. Joey, and Rachel are eating breakfast. Chandler is holding a bottle of Hersey's Syrup.] Chandler: Yeah, baby! Ross: What are you doing? Chandler: Making chocolate milk. Do you want some? Ross: No thanks. I'm 29. Rachel: (looking at her watch) Oh my God, I gotta go to work! Ross: Oh sweetie, when do you think you're going to get off tonight? Rachel: Oh I don't know honey. It's gonna be really late. Ross: Oh come on, not again. Rachel: I know. I'm sorry. Look, I'll make a deal with you all right? Okay? Ross: Hmm. Rachel: For every night that you're asleep before I get home from work... Ross: Yeah. Rachel: I will wake you up in a way that's proved very popular in the past. Ross: Now, if you need to stay late, I want to be supportive of that. Rachel: Right. Phoebe: (entering, holding a pair of Roller Blades) Hi. All: Hey. Joey: (to Phoebe) Look at you. Since when do you roller blade? Phoebe: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal that's he's going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff. Ross: And what are you going to do for him? Phoebe: I'm going to let him. Ross: Okay. Joey: Cool. Monica: (entering from her bedroom) Morning. All: Hey. Rachel: Somebody got in late last night. Monica: Yeah well, I ran into Richard. (They all gasp) Rachel: When did this happen? Monica: Oh, um, around 8:02. We ah, talked for a little while, and then um, we went out for an innocent burger. Phoebe: Oh, there's no such thing as an innocent burger. Ross: So, are you gonna see him again? Monica: Tomorrow night. Rachel: Monica, what are you doing? Chandler: Well, she spent the last six months getting over him, and now she's celebrating that by going on a date with him. Monica: It's not a date, okay. I'm just gonna teach him how to make lasagne for some pot luck dinner he has. Joey: Well, you might wanna make a little extra, y'know you'll probably be hungry after the s*x. Monica: We're not gonna have s*x! Okay, nothing's changed here. He still doesn't want children and I still do, so that's why we're just gonna be friends. Ross: Naked friends. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.] Rachel: (entering) Hey. Joey: Hey. Rachel: Do you have any ice? Joey: Check the freezer. If there's none in there, then we're probably out. Are you just getting in from work? It's late. Rachel: Yeah, I know. I had the greatest day though, I got to sit in on the meeting with the reps from Calvin Klien. I told my boss I liked this line of lingerie, she ordered a ton of it. How was your day? Joey: I discovered I'm able to count all of my teeth using just my tongue. Rachel: Hmm. (she opens the freezer) Umm, why do you have a copy of The Shining in your freezer? Joey: Oh, I was reading it last night, and I got scared, so. Rachel: But ah, you're safe from it if it's in the freezer? Joey: Well, safer. Y'know, I mean I never start reading The Shining, without making sure we've got plenty of room in the freezer, y'know. Rachel: How often do you read it? Joey: Haven't you ever read the same book over and over again? Rachel: Well, umm, I guess I read Little Women more than once. But I mean that's a classic, what's so great about The Shining? Joey: The question should be Rach, what is not so great about The Shining. Okay? And the answer would be: nothing. All right? This is like the scariest book ever. I bet it's way better than that classic of yours. Rachel: Okay. Ah, well we'll just see about that, okay. I will read The Shining, (she tries to take the book away from him but he doesn't want to let it go) and you will read Little Women. Joey: All right, you got it. Rachel: All right. Joey: Okay. Rachel: Okay. Joey: Ah, now Rach, these ah, these little women. Rachel: Yeah. Joey: How little are they? I mean, are they like scary little? [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there, Phoebe is entering with her date Robert.] Phoebe: Um, Chandler, Ross, this is Robert. Chandler: Oh, hey. Robert: Hi. Ross: Hey. Phoebe: (to Robert) You've have lipstick right here (points to her cheek). That's okay, it's mine, we just kissed. Ross: Oh. Chandler: (to Robert) So ah, isn't a bit cold out for shorts? Robert: Well, I'm from California. Chandler: Right, right. Sometimes you guys just burst into flames. (Robert leans back on the arm of the chair and allows Chandler to see up his shorts and sees 'little Robert.' Chandler is horrified by this view.) Chandler: (standing up) I'm up! I'm up, I've gotten up now! Anybody ah, want anything? Phoebe: I'll have coffee. Robert: Yeah, me too. Ross: Yeah, make that three. Chandler: Okay Ross, why don't you come with me? Ross: Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter with you? What's going on? Chandler: Robert's coming out. Ross: What, what do you mean, what? Is he gay? Chandler: No. He.....he's coming out of his shorts. Ross: What?! Chandler: The man is showing brain. Ross: Are you sure? (Chandler nods: Yes!) Hold on. (walks over behind the couch) I'm sorry you guys, that was a coffee and a.... Robert: Coffee. Ross: Okay. Robert: We could write it down for you? Ross: No, no, that won't be ah, that won't be necessary (leans down and looks up Robert's shorts, seeing Robert's package.) Chandler: (to Ross) Wellll? Ross: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Chandler: What do we do? What do we do? Ross: Well, I suppose we just try to not look directly at it. Chandler: Like an eclipse. (Ross nods his head.) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is teaching Richard how to make lasagne.] Richard: So when people complement me on my cooking should I, what do I say? Monica: You say 'Thank you very much,' and then you buy me something pretty. Come on, we're gonna put are hands in this bowl, and we're gonna start squishing the tomatoes. (They both start squishing the tomatoes.) Richard: Ew, this feels very weird. Monica: You touch people's eyeballs every day and this feels weird. Richard: Yeah, well, sure I touch them, but I spent years learning not to squish them. (Monica grabs his hand in the tomatoes.) That's my hand. Monica: Oops. Richard: Okay. Monica: Gotta keep squishing. Richard: Tomatoes are squishing. Monica: Okay. (Richard squishes a little too hard and some lands on his shirt.) Richard: Op. Monica: Oh, gosh, you got some on your shirt. Richard: Yeah. Monica: Hold on a second, just put a little club soda on it (does so) and it should umm, be..... (She is rubbing his chest and her voice trails off into silence, a long pause follows.) Richard: What? Monica: Umm, you've got some on your pants. Richard: I'll just throw them out. [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is watching Joey read Little Women, Ross is also there.] Joey: These little women. Wow! Chandler: Your liking it, huh? Joey: Oh yeah! Amy just burned Jo's manuscript. I don't see how he could ever forgive her. Ross: Umm, Jo's a girl, it's short for Josephine. Joey: But Jo's got a crush on Laurie. (Ross nods his head) Oh. You mean it's like a girl-girl thing? 'Cause that is the one thing missing from The Shining. Chandler: No, actually Laurie's a boy. Joey: No wonder Rachel had to read this so many times. (Enter Phoebe and Robert) Phoebe: Hey! Chandler: Hey. Ross: Hey! How'd the ah, basketball go? Phoebe: Oh, okay, I learned how to shoot a lay-up, a foul shot, and a twenty-three pointer. Chandler: You mean a three pointer? Phoebe: Oh, I get more because I'm dainty. Robert: So um, is there a phone here, I can check my messages? Phoebe: Yeah, in the back. You want a quarter? Robert: Oh, no thanks. I always carry one in my sock. (He puts his leg up on the couch to get the quarter, once again exposing himself to Chandler and Ross. In horror, Chandler, slides over and leans against Joey on the couch.) Joey: (noticing Chandler) What are you doing? (he pushes Chandler back to his side of the couch) Get back over on your side of the... (sees Robert in all his glory) Hello!! (to Robert) Hi, I'm Joey, we haven't met. Robert: Ah, good to meet you. Robert. (Robert walks away and the guys all start laughing in front of Phoebe.) Phoebe: What? (the guys keep laughing.) What? You guys, what is going on? You not like Robert? (the guys keep laughing.) Why are you laughing?! Ross: Calm down. There's no reason to get testy. (The guys start laughing harder.) Phoebe: You guys!! Come on! Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it just seems that Robert isn't as concealed in the shorts area, as ah, one may have hoped. Phoebe: What do you mean? Robert: Hey. (sits down) Phoebe: Hey. Joey: Hey Robert, could you ah, ha, pass me those cookies? Robert: Sure. (He puts his leg up on the table to pass Joey the cookies, and Phoebe sees what the guys are laughing at, and gasps.) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is talking to Richard on the phone.] Monica: So, how'd the lasagne go over? (listens) Really?! Good. So you owe me three pretty things. (listens) Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about you too. (listens) I know. It's hard this whole platonic thing. (listens) It's a word! (There's a knock on the door.) Monica: Yeah, I do think it's better this way. (listens) Yeah, we're being smart. (gets up to answer the door) (listens) Yes, I'm sure.(she opens the door and it's Richard) Richard: You really sure? Monica: I'll call you back. (starts kissing him) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica's bedroom, she's in bed with Richard.] Monica: So we can be friends who sleep together. Richard: Absolutely, this will just be something we do, like racquetball. Monica: Sounds smart and healthy to me. So um, just out of curiosity, um, do you currently have any other racquetball buddies? Richard: Just your dad. (pause) Although that's actually racquetball. You know I-I do have a blind date with my sister's neighbour next Tuesday. Monica: Oh. Richard: You want me to cancel it? Monica: No! (pushes him) No! Richard: Okay. Monica: 'Cause if you do that means you'd be cancelling it for me, and we're just friends. Richard: Exactly. (pushes her back) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk, Robert is picking up Phoebe for a date.] Robert: Hey. Phoebe: Hey. Ooh! Don't sit down! Robert: You ready to go to the batting cage? Phoebe: Yeah. And, first here's a gift. Robert: Oh! Wow! Hey! Chandler: Stretchy pants! Why, those are the greatest things in the world! If I were you I would wear them every day, every day! Robert: Jeez, thank you really that is so nice. But um, to be honest, I don't think I can wear these, they're so tight, I feel like I'm on display. I'm sorry. Phoebe: That's all right, that's well, I figured.... (they start to leave as Joey enters.) Robert: (to Joey) Hey! Joey: Hey! (starts to laugh.) How's it going? Ross: Good. Joey: Hey, Rach, how you doing with The Shining? Rachel: Oh, Danny just went into room 217. Joey: Oooh, the next part's the best, when that dead lady in the bathtub... Rachel: Oh, no, meh-nah-nah-nah, come on you're gonna ruin it! Joey: All right I'll talk in code. (to Ross and Chandler) Remember when the kid sees those two blanks in the hallway? Chandler: Hmmm, that's very cool. Joey: Oh, all blank, and no blank, make's blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no, no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they get away. Aww! Rachel: Joey! I can't believe you just did that! Chandler: I can't believe she cracked your code! Rachel: All right, okay, Laurie proposes to Jo, and she says no, even though she's still in love with him, and then he ends up marring Amy. Joey: Hey! Mine was by accident! All right, the boiler explodes and destroys the hotel, and kills the dad. Rachel: Eh. Beth dies. (Joey recoils and gasps in horror.) Joey: Beth, Beth dies? Rachel: Um-hmm. Joey: Is that true? If I keep reading is Beth gonna die? Chandler: No, Beth doesn't die, she doesn't die. Does she Rachel? Rachel: What?! Ross: Joey's asking if you've just ruined the first book he's ever loved that didn't star Jack Nicholson? Rachel: No. She doesn't die. Joey: Then why would you say that?! Rachel: Because, I wanted to hurt you. Robert: (running in) Oh, there they are! I-I dropped my keys. (He bends over to pick them up, right in front of Rachel, who then gets a free peep show.) Rachel: (gasps) Oh my.... Robert: Got 'em. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading The Shining, as Monica enters.] Monica: Hi. Rachel: (screams and grabs a potato masher to defend herself) Sorry. I'm sorry. Monica: You would not believe my day! I had to work two shifts, and then to top it off, I lost one of my fake boobs, (opens her coat revealing a large burn mark over her left breast.) in a grill fire. (Rachel starts laughing.) Monica: What are you smiling at? Rachel: I'm sorry, I was just thinking you're day could still pick up. Monica: Yeah, right. (She goes into her bedroom, and sees Richard who has covered the room in roses and has two glasses of wine and a rose between his lips.) Richard: Hello. Monica: I love this friend thing! [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there.] Phoebe: Listen, Robert's gonna be here any second so, will one of you just tell him? Ross: Oh. Phoebe: Please, right now, no, every time I see him it's like 'Is it on the lose?' 'Is it watching me?' Chandler: We can't tell him, you can't go up to a guy you barely know and talk about his.... stuff. Ross: He's right, even if it's to say something complementary. (He stops and thinks about what he just said.) Robert: (entering) Hey! Phoebe: Hey. Robert: (to Phoebe) So are ready for the gym? They've got this new rock climbing wall, we can spot each other. Phoebe: No, I can spot you from here. Robert: What? Phoebe: Okay, listen Robert... Ross: (to Chandler) Hey, don't we have to... Chandler: Yeah, we got, um-hmm. Phoebe: Umm, I think you're really, really great... Robert: Oh God! Here we go again. Why does this keep happening to me? (spreads his legs) Is it something I'm putting out there? Is this my fault? Or am I just nuts? Phoebe: I-I-I-I-I don't know, I don't know what to say. Gunther: (cleaning up the table) (to Robert) Hey buddy, this is a family place, put the mouse back in the house. (Robert looks down and realises the problem.) [Scene: Richard's bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.] Monica: Ow! Richard: (outside the bedroom) Really?! Well, it's just like everyone else's apartment. It's got rooms, walls, and ceilings. Richard's Date: Well, I just wanted to see where you lived. Now, give me the tour. Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! (She frantically tries to clean up the bedroom as Richard starts the tour.) Richard: Ah well, this is the living room. Richard's Date: Impressive. Richard: All right. This is the kitchen. Richard's Date: Oh, that's real pretty. Wait a minute, don't I get to see the bedroom? Richard: The bedroom. Well it's pretty much your typical... (opens the door as Monica hides under the covers, and quickly closes the door before his date can see the room.) bedroom. Richard's Date: We're still on this side of the door. Richard: Um-hmm. Richard's Date: Yeah, but I didn't get to see it. Richard: Oh shoot! Maybe next time. (yawns) Thanks for a lovely evening. (shows her out) [Cut to into the bedroom, with Monica still hiding under the covers. Richard enters and sits down next to her.] Monica: (still hiding under the blankets) So um, who was she? Richard: Oh, (laughs) that was the blind date that I told you about, she called and switched it to today. Monica: (still hiding under the blankets) Did you like her? And I'm just asking as a friend, because I am totally fine with this. Richard: Well, you seem fine. Monica: (gets up) Okay, y'know what, I'm not fine, I'm not. I mean how can I be fine, hearing you come in with her, she wants to see your bedroom.... (pause) Y'know what, what if we're friends who don't see other people? Richard: You mean like exclusive friends? Monica: Why not?! I mean this has been the most amazing week. Would it be so terrible? Even if we were friends who lived together. Or, maybe someday friends who stood up in front of their other friends, and vowed to be friends forever. Richard: Wow. Y'know we're back where we were. Honey, I would love to do all that, but nothing's changed. Monica: That's not true, you don't have a moustache. Richard: Okay, okay, one thing's changed. But we still want different things and we know how this is gonna end. Monica: Y'know what, I've got to walk out of here right now, 'cause getting over you is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I don't think I could do it again. Richard: I know I couldn't. So.... (Monica kisses him.) Monica: How 'bout one last game of racquetball? (They both kiss, and Richard picks her up and goes over to the bed and starts to lie down.) Monica: Watch the thorns! Richard: (lying down) Ow!! Closing Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, and he's very dejected.] Rachel: What? Joey: Beth is really, really sick. Rachel: Awwww. Joey: Jo's there, but I don't think there's anything she could do. (Rachel hugs him) Rachel: Joey? Joey: Yeah. Rachel: Do you want to put the book in the freezer? Joey: (nodding his head) Okay. Rachel: Okay. (Joey hands her the book and she puts it in the freezer.)

Monica's willpower is tested after running into Richard at the video store. The two decide to just be 'friends', but soon are more than that. Joey agrees to read Little Women while Rachel reads The Shining . Phoebe's athletic new boyfriend accidentally keeps exposing himself through his loose-fitting shorts.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_07x13

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_07x13_0

The Ambassadors of Death 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] The Ambassadors of Death 1: INT. SPACE CONTROL. CORRIDOR (The DOCTOR and LIZ round a corner in the corridor. The DOCTOR carries a computer tape.) DOCTOR: Let's see what he's got to say for himself this time. (They go through a door marked "COMPUTER ROOM".) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. SPACE CONTROL. COMPUTER ROOM (They fail to see TALTALIAN stood behind the door. They walk into the body of the room and TALTALIAN slams the door shut. They spin round as the scientist pulls out a pistol and aims it at them...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. SPACE CONTROL. COMPUTER ROOM TALTALIAN: I want that tape. (The DOCTOR doesn't answer immediately but walks a couple of paces, staring intently at TALTALIAN.) DOCTOR: Do you realise the importance of it? TALTALIAN: Rather more than you, Doctor. DOCTOR: So, you understood the message? TALTALIAN: Hand it over. DOCTOR: What are you going to do with it? TALTALIAN: Doctor! Give me that tape! (The DOCTOR looks at LIZ, then.) DOCTOR: Since you insist... (He holds out the tape. TALTALIAN reaches out for it but before he can take it from the DOCTOR'S hand, it vanishes into thin air.) TALTALIAN: This is no time for conjuring tricks. (Shouts.) Put up your hands - up! (The DOCTOR does so and TALTALIAN goes over and searches through his pockets but with no success.) TALTALIAN: Where is that tape? LIZ: P...perhaps he sent it into the future? TALTALIAN: Doctor, are you trying to force me to shoot you? (The door to the room suddenly opens and the BRIGADIER walks in.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Doctor I think you... (TALTALIAN jumps back and points the gun at the BRIGADIER.) DOCTOR: Careful Brigadier! He's frightened. TALTALIAN: (To LIZ.) You! Over here! Come here! (LIZ does as she is told. TALTALIAN grabs her arm and twists her round so that he is behind her.) LIZ: No! TALTALIAN: Be quiet! LIZ: You're hurting... (TALTALIAN backs up to the door with LIZ in front of him as a shield.) TALTALIAN: Don't try to follow me... (At the doorway, he pushes LIZ to the floor, runs through the door and slams it shut behind him. The DOCTOR bends down to help LIZ.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'll go after him... DOCTOR: Yes. (The BRIGADIER runs out.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Guards! (The DOCTOR helps LIZ to her feet.) DOCTOR: Are you all right? LIZ: ... Taltalian? DOCTOR: I think we can safely leave him to the Brigadier and his men. LIZ: What did you do with the tape? DOCTOR: What? LIZ: The tape! DOCTOR: Oh, the tape. LIZ: Yeah. DOCTOR: Well, here it is here (He holds out his hand and the tape reappears as quickly as it vanished.) LIZ: (Puzzled.) You...didn't send it into the future, did you? DOCTOR: No, no, no. No, that was simply transmigration of object. There's a great deal of difference between that and pure science, you know! (They laugh.) DOCTOR: Now then, what about decoding this tape? Let me see now. (He looks round at the equipment. LIZ looks over to one particular unit.) LIZ: Well, that'll be the Analogue digital converter. DOCTOR: Yes, yeah, that's just what I was looking for. (They go over to it. LIZ pulls back the glass hood on the machine.) LIZ: Let me. DOCTOR: Oh, thank you. (He passes her the tape. The BRIGADIER walks in and puts his gun away.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Got away. This place is like a rabbit warren - I've set up a search. DOCTOR: Er, Brigadier, what did you find at the warehouse? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: A transmitter. DOCTOR: And? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: We took several prisoners. One of them knows a great deal more than he's saying. DOCTOR: Well, I'd like to have a talk with him. [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. UNIT HQ. CELL (COLLINSON lies back on a bunk in the cell. The door opens and CORPORAL CHAMPION lets the DOCTOR and BRIGADIER in.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: All right, Corporal. CORPORAL CHAMPION: Sir. (The CORPORAL closes the door.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To COLLINSON.) Well, have you decided to talk yet? (COLLINSON shrugs but remains silent.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Why didn't you shoot me when you had the chance? DOCTOR: (Gently.) Why don't you sit down, old chap? (COLLINSON frowns but takes up the offer and sits at the table.) DOCTOR: Now, you were under orders not to harm the Brigadier, weren't you? Who gave you those orders? COLLINSON: I can't answer any questions. DOCTOR: (To the BRIGADIER.) Anything found on him? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No, his pockets were empty. DOCTOR: Clothes? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The sort of thing you can buy anywhere - but all the labels were cut out. DOCTOR: (To COLLINSON.) Mmm, you've been very thorough, haven't you? (COLLINSON smiles.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You're in very serious trouble, you know? I can hold you here on security charges for a very long time. DOCTOR: Don't you realise that the men you are working with were seriously interfering with our space project, and thereby endangering the lives of three astronauts. (COLLINSON remains silent. The BRIGADIER loses his temper.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Look, I want answers from you, and I'm going to get them! DOCTOR: (Gently.) Brigadier, you're wasting your time. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: This man knows something. DOCTOR: Yes, I know, but he's not going to tell us - and I think we've got more important things to do, mm? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Reluctantly.) All right. (He goes to the door.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Corporal? (CORPORAL CHAMPION opens the door. They start to walk out, but on the threshold, the DOCTOR turns back into the cell. The BRIGADIER follows.) DOCTOR: Looking after you all right, are they? Had a cup of tea? COLLINSON: (Smiles.) Yes, thanks. DOCTOR: That's good... (He smiles but suddenly barks out an order in the manner of a military man.) DOCTOR: Stand to attention when you're talking to me and call me sir! (COLLINSON leaps to his feet and stands ramrod straight.) COLLINSON: Sir! DOCTOR: Mmm, just as I thought - Sergeant aren't you? (COLLINSON sits down, somewhat dejected. An amazed BRIGADIER walks forward.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: A soldier! Are you a deserter? DOCTOR: No, no, he's acting under orders. (CHAMPION enters the cell.) CORPORAL CHAMPION: Sir, this just came. (He hands a note to the BRIGADIER.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, thank you. (He reads the note.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. SPACE CONTROL. MAIN CONTROL ROOM (JOHN WAKEFIELD makes another television report...) JOHN WAKEFIELD: There has been another extraordinary development in the mystery of Mars Probe 7. The two space capsules, Mars Probe 7 and Recovery 7, which have been locked together in radio silence, have now separated. But there is still no communication from Charles Van Lyden nor from astronauts Michaels and Lefee. (Meanwhile, the DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER walk back into the control room and up to CORNISH.) DOCTOR: Still no word from them? RALPH CORNISH: Nothing. (Into microphone.) Space control to Recovery 7, do you read me? (There is a beep but, as always, no reply.) CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: (Over tannoy.) Tracking report: Capsules now approximately seven miles apart. MISS RUTHERFORD: Eleven minutes from scheduled re-entry burn. RALPH CORNISH: I wish I had your confidence. CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: (Over tannoy.) Tracking report: Distance between capsule widening - nine miles...thirteen miles...twenty-five miles. MISS RUTHERFORD: It's started! (CORNISH shows some emotion for once and rushes over to the read-outs on MISS RUTHERFORD'S desk.) RALPH CORNISH: Ten minutes too soon. What's he think he's doing? DOCTOR: (To the BRIGADIER.) Well, that's it for an hour. I'd better go and see how Liz is getting on with the decoding. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Don't you want to see what happens? DOCTOR: No, no. No if they're going to attempt a re-entry they must make at least one Earth's orbit. I'll be back in time for re-entry. Are you coming? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No, I'll run a security trace on our prisoner. (The radar screen shows the two points of light diverging.) CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: (Over tannoy.) Tracking report: Recovery 7 speed now eighteen thousand miles per hour and increasing. Capsule will leave our radar range within three minutes. Closing to two-point-nine five. RALPH CORNISH: Notify global tracking stations, fix an open communications circuit. I want that capsule tracked every second. [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. UNIT HQ. CELL (COLLINSON lies on his bunk.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. UNIT HQ. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE CELL (CORPORAL CHAMPION approaches the cell with a cup of tea in one hand. He unlocks the door with the other. From behind him a gloved hand points a gun into his back. As CHAMPION turns, the armed hand flicks the scalding tea into his face. CHAMPION cries out in pain.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. UNIT HQ. CELL (COLLINSON hears the noise. The cell door opens. He smiles at his rescuer and walks out of the cell. The gloved hand pulls the cell door shut.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. SPACE CONTROL. COMPUTER ROOM (The DOCTOR and LIZ have run the tape and produced a print out. The results are spread out over and table and they examine them with a young scientist called DOBSON.) DOCTOR: Yes...there's no pattern to it at all - it's nonsense! DOBSON: Perhaps because we're feeding it nonsense. Maybe that sound from the capsule was just...freak static. DOCTOR: Yes... LIZ: I wonder... DOCTOR: Wonder what? LIZ: Maybe there's a computer malfunction. DOBSON: That's impossible - there's a self-checking mechanism. LIZ: Well even that could go wrong. I'll feed it a standard test programme. (She heads for the computer.) DOCTOR: Never mind all that - ask it what two and two make. LIZ: What? DOCTOR: (Curtly.) Liz, ask it. LIZ: Oh, all right. DOBSON: This is ridiculous - I checked that machine this morning. DOCTOR: How long have you known Doctor Taltalian? (DOBSON seems taken aback.) DOBSON: Well, I've been his chief assistant for two years. I still can't believe all this. (LIZ returns.) LIZ: It says two and two make five. DOCTOR: Oh, it's typical - I never did trust those stupid things. LIZ: No, no, this isn't just malfunction. Taltalian must have sabotaged it. (LIZ looks at DOBSON.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. SPACE CONTROL. MAIN CONTROL ROOM MISS RUTHERFORD: Reappearance time this hemisphere - ten seconds. CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: Tracking report from Massachusetts... (His report carries over the tannoy system. CORNISH, the DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER listen intently.) CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: (Over tannoy.) Height - one hundred miles. Speed twenty thousand and reducing. Eight...seven...six...five... four... three... two... one ...zero. Capsule now in our tracking range and control range. RALPH CORNISH: Main control, start transmitting - now. CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: We have contact, we have contact. MISS RUTHERFORD: Transmitters on now. (A signal goes out.) RALPH CORNISH: It's not responding. Repeat transmission - boost power. CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: Repeat transmission - now. (The signal goes out again.) RALPH CORNISH: It's no good... CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: Tracking report: Height - ninety miles and reducing. Speed - twenty thousand and holding. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To the DOCTOR.) It'll burn up. (The return signal is suddenly received.) MISS RUTHERFORD: It's responding! RALPH CORNISH: Recommence transmission...and maintain. CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: (Over tannoy.) Recommencing transmission -now. (The signal goes out.) RALPH CORNISH: Fire retro jets...five seconds. CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: Retro jets, five seconds - now. MISS RUTHERFORD: We have radar contact on screen now. (On the radar screen, a small white light has appeared.) CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: (Over tannoy.) Tracking report: Height - Eighty-five miles, still reducing. (At his desk...) CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: Speed - eighteen thousand reducing to...seventeen thousand... (The DOCTOR and the others in the room listen to his report.) CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: (Over tannoy.) Sixteen thousand... [SCENE_BREAK] 11: EXT. TRACKING STATIONS (Several satellite dishes around the world track the craft as JOHN WAKEFIELD makes his latest report...) JOHN WAKEFIELD: (OOV: Television commentary.) Well, after what was a pretty rough re-entry by present day standards, astronauts Van Lyden, Michaels and Lefee will soon be experiencing the buffeting of Earth's atmosphere...when their huge parachutes lower them on the last few miles of their descent. [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. SPACE CONTROL. MAIN CONTROL ROOM JOHN WAKEFIELD: (To camera.) Under normal circumstances with two or three Earth orbits as a run up, Controller Cornish could bring them to within one hundred yards of their scheduled landing place. As it is, all we know is that the space capsule is about to land somewhere in the south of England. (The huge monitor screen shows the Atlantic Ocean and the edge of the British Isles to the right. Approaching it is a flashing light representing the capsule. The screen is watched by the DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER among others.) CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: (Over tannoy.) Drop speed now thirty miles and reducing. MISS RUTHERFORD: (Over tannoy.) Capsule drifting sou-sou-west two degrees. Rate of drift - three knots. (The light approaches the west coast of Ireland.) RALPH CORNISH: (To the BRIGADIER.) Ground level preparations completed? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The area will be cordoned off as soon as it lands. RALPH CORNISH: (To MISS RUTHERFORD.) Civil air routes warned? Airlines cleared? MISS RUTHERFORD: All planes have been diverted. (The light has now crossed Ireland and is over the Irish Sea.) CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: (Over tannoy.) Drop speed now twenty-two miles per hour...reducing to eighteen. Height - one mile. Drift rate - three knots. Contact lost...contact lost. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To the DOCTOR.) Something wrong? DOCTOR: (Calmly.) No, no. No, they always lose radar contact in the last few seconds. (The signal from the capsule cuts out. MISS RUTHERFORD checks her instruments and looks up with a grin on her face.) MISS RUTHERFORD: We've made it! (CORNISH sits back with a sigh of relief. The DOCTOR approaches him.) DOCTOR: Well done, old chap, well done. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes congratulations controller, Wonderful job. RALPH CORNISH: If they're alive. [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. LANDING SITE (The capsule sits upright in a deserted spot in a rugged part of the English countryside, a light flashing on its top. Various army vehicles surround it. A jeep draws up and the DOCTOR, the BRIGADIER and CORNISH run up to it. CORNISH takes a quick look round the capsule, then takes a microphone out of his pocket and plugs it into the side of the capsule.) RALPH CORNISH: (Into microphone.) Hello, Recovery 7, do you read me? This is Cornish. You are safe...and landed. Open the hatch. (On a nearby hillside, the operation is being observed by two men through binoculars - CARRINGTON and GREY.) RALPH CORNISH: (Into microphone.) Hello, Recovery 7, do you read me? (To the DOCTOR.) It's no use. Must be unconscious. (CARRINGTON continues to observe.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Better try opening it ourselves. RALPH CORNISH: It's impossible. Either the mechanisms jammed or... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) They've locked it from the inside. (CORNISH and the BRIGADIER look at him sharply.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Then we'll have to cut it open. RALPH CORNISH: It's too dangerous for the astronauts. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Then what are we going to do. DOCTOR: Take it back to the space centre? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right. (He and CORNISH move back to the jeep. The DOCTOR looks at the capsule for a moment and then follows. On the hillside, CARRINGTON turns to GREY.) CARRINGTON: Quick, the RT - UNIT's Frequency. (GREY reaches into his pocket. Meanwhile, the BRIGADIER has taken his own radio out of the jeep.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Brigadier to UNIT control, Brigadier to UNIT Control. UNIT Control, I want a route cleared from here to the Space Centre. Outriders- top priority. (GREY has on a set of headphones and writes down the message on a pad. He tears off the sheet and hands it to CARRINGTON.) GREY: Sir. (CARRINGTON takes the note and reads it.) CARRINGTON: Excellent - couldn't be better. (Meanwhile CORNISH approaches the BRIGADIER.) RALPH CORNISH: By the time you get the capsule back to the space centre, I'll have everything ready. (He goes off. The BRIGADIER speaks to the driver of the jeep.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'll go with the capsule. (He bangs on the door with his swagger stick and it drives off. CORNISH gets in another jeep and it too leaves. Recovery 7 is loaded by crane onto the back of a low loader by the UNIT troops and covered with a tarpaulin. The BRIGADIER shouts to the DOCTOR, nearby, who has Bessie's bonnet open making repairs.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: See you at the space centre. DOCTOR: All right. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: If you make it. (The DOCTOR looks up indignantly. The BRIGADIER goes to the passenger door of the low-loader and opens it.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To the driver.) I'll go with you. (To the outriders.) Keep to the prepared route and clear the away ahead of us. (He speaks to the soldiers at the back of the truck.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You bring up the rear. (He gets in the low-loader. Meanwhile, the DOCTOR climbs into Bessie - which has the hood up against the rain - and starts the engine. The noise it emits is not hopeful. He starts off, as does the rest of the convoy. Bessie attempts a three-point turn to follow and almost immediately breaks down.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. EXT. ROAD (The convoy - motorcycle outriders, low-loader and jeeps continues its journey. It drives over a bridge, and away down the road.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. LANDING SITE (Left behind, the DOCTOR eventually gets Bessie re-started and begins to follow.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. EXT. ROAD (The Convoy travels along a road making an uneventful journey. However, after a few minutes the BRIGADIER hears the sound of a helicopter. He looks out of the window and sees one flying in low towards them. It swoops down, almost on top of the convoy. The BRIGADIER looks on in alarm. The helicopter turns round and approaches the convoy again. Its occupants wear dark glasses and gas masks. After another low swoop, one of the occupants of the helicopter nods to the second who opens the door in mid-air and drops several objects down in front of the convoy. They are smoke bombs which explode in front of the outriders causing them to swerve. Several more similar bombs are dropped obscuring the view of the driver of the low-loader. An alarm rings out over the convoy. The helicopter lands and the two masked men get out. At the same time, the BRIGADIER gets out of the low-loader, pistol drawn. Shots ring out as the masked ambushers run towards the convoy. An outrider approaches them and the masked man fires his weapon. It is some sort of gas stun gun and the outrider falls to the ground with his bike. The helicopter takes off The BRIGADIER gets nearer the ambushers and they fire at him and strike him down. Next to fall is a second outrider who is sent backwards off his bike. As the ambushers make for the cab of the low-loader, the last two outriders approach on their bikes but are quickly dealt with by the stun guns. The two men then pull the driver out of the cab of the low-loader. Meanwhile, a UNIT soldier fires several shots at the helicopter which hovers a few feet off the ground. Using up all his bullets, the soldier discards his gun and runs for the helicopter, jumping on the side and trying to pull the door open as the two masked men get in the cab of the low-loader and drive off. The soldier on the skids of the helicopter attempts to pull the door open and finds himself in a tussle with the pilot inside. However, the pilot then uses the door as a battering ram and knocks the soldier into mid-air. He lands a few feet below on the ground. The attack successful, the helicopter and the low-loader make off, the latter watched by a forlorn BRIGADIER who clambers unsteadily to his feet.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17. EXT. ANOTHER ROAD (The DOCTOR is driving along in pursuit of the convoy. In the low-loader, the driver takes his glasses off - it is GREY. CARRINGTON is the other man, sat in the cab next to him. The DOCTOR sees them ahead coming towards him and surmises that something is wrong. He thinks, snaps his fingers and turns the car across the middle of the road. CARRINGTON and GREY see the obstruction ahead of them and come to a halt. The DOCTOR approaches the cab.) GREY: Get out of the way, please. (The DOCTOR replies in a quavery old voice.) DOCTOR: I...I'm...I'm afraid I can't. GREY: Will you please get out of the way, sir? We're carrying a very important cargo. DOCTOR: Yes, well...if you want me to get out of the way, I'm afraid you'll have to help me. (GREY and CARRINGTON get out of the cab and walk towards Bessie.) DOCTOR: Er, old Bessie seems to have stopped. (GREY and CARRINGTON get behind the car to push it. The DOCTOR gets in the driver's seat.) DOCTOR: Ready? I'll let the brake off. Right, push. (GREY and CARRINGTON push Bessie to the side of the road. As the DOCTOR is about to get out, he flicks a switch marked "ANTI THIEF DEVICE". Instantly, a buzzing fills the air and the two men find that their hands are stuck to the car. They tug and pull but to no avail. The DOCTOR saunters past, speaking in his normal voice.) DOCTOR: Thank you very much! Don't worry, it'll switch itself off...eventually. (He gets in the cab and drives the capsule off, watched by a still struggling CARRINGTON and GREY.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. SPACE CONTROL. CORRIDOR (The BRIGADIER has made it back to Space Control and is outlining what has happened to CORNISH as they walk along a corridor.) RALPH CORNISH: Helicopter and smoke bombs! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes they were very well organised. We lost the capsule and the Doctor's vanished... (CORNISH walks into the room at the end of the corridor, the BRIGADIER follows...) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. SPACE CONTROL. CAPSULE HANGER BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: How on earth?! (The room is a large enclosed hanger, with the capsule sat in the middle of it being worked on by a group of technicians. The DOCTOR walks around from the back of it.) DOCTOR: I brought it here! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Smiles.) Doctor! Thank heavens you're all right. We found the car - thought they'd got you. DOCTOR: Didn't you find two angry men stuck to my car? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No - just the car. DOCTOR: Mmm, can't have got that force field strong enough yet... (CORNISH is at a console to the side of the capsule. A trim-phone rings on it.) RALPH CORNISH: (Into phone.) Cornish? Yes... (To the DOCTOR.) Doctor, it's for you. DOCTOR: Thank you. (He takes the phone.) DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Hello? (Listens.) Yes, Liz. (Listens.) Yes, right. I'll be down straight away. (He puts the phone down.) DOCTOR: (To the BRIGADIER.) I'll tell you all about it later. Liz thinks she's on to something. (He hurriedly leaves. The BRIGADIER looks the capsule over.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To CORNISH.) Will you be able to make contact? RALPH CORNISH: I'm not sure. The equipment's being connected now. [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. SPACE CONTROL. COMPUTER ROOM (The DOCTOR looks over a computer printout.) DOCTOR: You're right Liz. This is a definite attempt at pictographic communication. DOBSON: Could be just random patterns? (The DOCTOR points to points on the printout.) DOCTOR: What with this symbol repeated twice? And this one repeated four times? Oh no. LIZ: Who in the world would want to send a message in this form? DOCTOR: No one on this world...but an alien intelligence so different...this is the only way they can communicate. LIZ: Doctor, you don't think ... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) I think that it's high time the Brigadier and I had a talk to the top man. (He gets up and leaves quickly, LIZ following. DOBSON watches them go with a worried look on his face. He goes to a wall phone and punches in a number.) DOBSON: Dobson here. They've started to crack the code... [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. SIR JAMES QUINLAN'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER sit in the office of a senior civil servant - Sir James QUINLAN.) QUINLAN: Exactly what are you suggesting? DOCTOR: I should have thought that was obvious. Every step we take, someone's ahead of us. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, Doctor Taltalian for instance, I've got his file here. (He places it in front of QUINLAN.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Checked and double checked like everyone else working on this project. And yet, he sabotages his own computer, draws a gun on the Doctor and then runs away like a criminal. (QUINLAN looks over the file.) QUINLAN: Well, it's extraordinary. I've known Bruno Taltalian for years. DOCTOR: Look, that is quite beside the point. The question is - who else is involved? QUINLAN: I can see your reasons for concern but you have got the capsule back now. DOCTOR: Oh, yes, we've got the capsule back all right, and it's safely installed at the Space Centre. But the astronauts still refuse to come out. QUINLAN: Well, I shall initiate a top-level investigation immediately, Brigadier. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: With respect... (QUINLAN interrupts and stands to show that the meeting is over.) QUINLAN: Now, I'm sure you'll want to get back to the Space Centre. DOCTOR: Is that all you've got to say, Sir James? Sweep it all under the carpet, eh? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Quietly.) Come on, Doctor. (He picks up the file and they make for the door.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'll keep you informed sir. QUINLAN: I should be most grateful, Brigadier. (At the door, the DOCTOR is about to say something but QUINLAN quickly interrupts...) QUINLAN: Thank you, gentlemen. (The BRIGADIER shakes his head in warning at the DOCTOR and they leave. Immediately that they have gone, QUINLAN goes to a door at the rear of his office and opens it.) QUINLAN: All right. (A figure walks through.) QUINLAN: Won't you sit down? (The visitor does. It is TALTALIAN.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. SPACE CONTROL. CAPSULE HANGER (LIZ and CORNISH are still trying to get a response from the capsule.) LIZ: (Into microphone.) Recovery 7, do you read me? (The DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER return.) DOCTOR: Any response yet? RALPH CORNISH: Nothing. LIZ: (Into microphone.) Recovery 7, do you read me? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, I suggest we cut it open. RALPH CORNISH: I've got men with thermal lances standing by. (CORNISH starts to walk off but suddenly static comes over the intercom from the capsule.) LIZ: I think I'm getting something! [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. SIR JAMES QUINLAN'S OFFICE TALTALIAN: They have got the capsule - what went wrong? QUINLAN: I don't know yet. They've started to crack the code too. TALTALIAN: What are you going to do about UNIT? QUINLAN: It's already been dealt with - they've got quite a surprise coming. [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. SPACE CONTROL. CAPSULE HANGER (LIZ stands at the console with the microphone, watched by the DOCTOR, the BRIGADIER and CORNISH.) LIZ: (Into microphone.) Hello Recovery 7, do you read me? (The static continues...) LIZ: (Into microphone: urgently.) Hello Recovery 7, do you read me? (VAN LYDEN'S voice suddenly comes from the speaker.) VAN LYDEN: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Hello, Space Control. This is Recovery 7. Will you clear us for re-entry? (The four look at each other in delight. LIZ hands the microphone to CORNISH and they all go over to the capsule. CORNISH, smiling with relief, speaks to VAN LYDEN.) RALPH CORNISH: (Into microphone.) Charlie! This is Ralph Cornish. You are back at Space Control. Open the capsule. VAN LYDEN: LIZ: (OOV: Over tannoy.) We are not cleared for re-entry. (They four start to look puzzled.) RALPH CORNISH: (Into microphone.) Charlie? You are back at Space Control. What's wrong? Open the hatch. VAN LYDEN: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Hello, Space Control. This is Recovery 7. Will you clear us for re-entry? DOCTOR: Let me try... (He takes the microphone from CORNISH.) DOCTOR: (Into microphone.) Hello, Van Lyden? What is the capital of Australia? VAN LYDEN: (OOV: Over tannoy.) We are not cleared for re-entry. DOCTOR: (Into microphone.) How many beans make five? VAN LYDEN: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Hello, Space control. This is Recovery 7. Will you clear us for re-entry? DOCTOR: (Into microphone.) Van Lyden! VAN LYDEN: (OOV: Over tannoy.) We are not cleared for re-entry. DOCTOR: (To CORNISH.) Right - cut it open!

UNIT retrieve the returned Recovery 7 but then Carrington hijacks it while the Doctor and Liz try to decode the signal he sent.

fd_The_Mentalist_02x19

fd_The_Mentalist_02x19_0

Old Town, Sacramento, California. (Van Pelt, a man with a hood on his head) In a very dark alley, Van Pelt comes out of a restaurant, someone observes a parked car. Man calls Van Pelt. Hooded Man: Hey! Van Pelt: Are you Mr. Black? Mr. Black: Yeah. Van Pelt: You scared me. Mr. Black: Hum hum. Yeah. Van Pelt: So... I just... (hands him an envelope, which he refuses to take) Mr. Black: Tell me why I'm here. Van Pelt: I have something I need done. Mr. Black: So do most women. You're gonna have to be more specific. Van Pelt: Right. Yes. Sorry. Van Pelt: Um, what I need... I don't know quite how to put it. Mr. Black: Well, you're just gonna have to open your mouth. And say it out loud in full detail. Like you're talking to your priest. You show me yours. I'll show you mine. That's how it works. Van Pelt: Okay. Here. (She shows him a picture of Rigsby) I want you to kill him. How much do you charge? Credits (black screen) "Thirty-six Hours Earlier" Ext. Night. in a city street (Lisbon arrive by car, Rigsby is expecting, many police cars) Rigsby: We think she was killed about an hour ago. Neighbor heard screaming, called 911. Lisbon: Anybody see anything? Rigsby: We've got sac P.D.canvassing, but so far nothing. Just an average night. Jane: Average night, average neighborhood, average murder. Why are we here? (they enter a house, the police are already on site) Lisbon: Because the victim is Assistant District Attorney Kelly Flower. Jane: You worked with her. Rigsby: Yeah, we all did. Kelly was good people. Van Pelt: Forensics found a casing. Said it was 9-mil. Rigsby: Almost point-blank, judging from the stippling. Deputy coroner said no sexual assault. But her nightgown's ripped and tangled. Lisbon: She was crawling in it. Jane: Remodel? Lisbon: Kelly's one of us. Hightower's already approved the overtime. You know the drill. Jane: Why is that the drill? I mean, for everyone else, it just looks like for your own, you try harder. Van Pelt: We do. Lisbon: It's a deterrent. It sends out a message, nobody gets away with killing a cop, a judge or a D.A. Rigsby: Cho can get a list of Kelly's cases, see who she put away that held a grudge. Jane: It's not a deterrent. It's revenge, really. I mean, and that's not a criticism, 'cause I'm all about revenge. I mean, revenge can be very productive. Lisbon: Productive? Jane: Well, take Rigsby. Van Pelt breaks up with him. Now he's in the best shape of his life. I mean, he's hitting the gym, what, six times a week? Look at him. He is brimming with sexual confidence. Rigsby: Jane, cut it out. Van Pelt: Not on my account. It's fine. Jane: See? Fine. My point, there is nothing wrong with revenge. Lisbon: Van Pelt, any damage to the windows or the back door? Van Pelt: No, nothing. No sign of forced entry, so either she let him in, or... Rigsby: Husband's here. Jane: He let himself in. (a uniformed police officer and he support a man between them) Jayden Flower: Oh, my god! No! Kelly, no! No! No! God, no! Day - CBI Building (in the Team Office) Cho: Tiffany wants you to call her back. Rigsby: Oh, thanks. Cho: Said to tell you you're a very bad boy. Rigsby: Did she? (turns) Agent Hightower, hi. Hightower: Morning. You two know Marc Odenthal from the D.A.'s office? Rigsby: Sure. Hi. Cho: Hi. Hightower: We're gonna talk with the District Attorney. What can you tell me about Kelly's case? Lisbon: We're looking at anybody who had access to the house Cbs From work, the neighborhood, the local dog park, anywhere. Hightower: Husband? Lisbon: Flower was too upset to talk last night. Jane and I are heading over there now. Cho: And we've got a list of past defendants. At least four have expressed written or verbal threats. Marc Odenthal: The D.A.told me to give you this. It includes her current cases. Cho: Hang on. Hank Draber. The smuggler? Hightower: Smuggling drugs, conspiracy to murder. We haven't been able to lay a glove on 'em before. Marc Odenthal: Draber's trial was supposed to start next week. I just got judge Hildred to grant a continuance. It's gonna take me three months just to learn the file. Lisbon: Go. Take Van Pelt. Cho: All right. Ext. Daytime. Port of Sacramento (Van Pelt and Cho in the middle of clarks coming and going) (a man emerges from a shed) Van Pelt: There he is. Mr. Draber! (the man continues on his way, they find him in another shed, gunmen surround) Hank Draber: What do you want? Flower residence. (Lisbon, Jane, Jayden Flower) Lisbon: So how are you getting along lately? Any problems? Jayden Flower: You... My wife is dead, andyou're wasting your time on me? Lisbon: Mr. Flower, I knew your wife. Now we're gonna find out who did this, even if it's you. You understand? So how were you two getting along? Jayden Flower: We loved each other. Everything was good. Jane: How was the remodel? That can be stressful. Jayden Flower: Things were good. But that day, we fought. That's why I went to the movies, over her hours. It... It was just so stupid. She was so stressed over that draber case, you know? She called it her "career-maker. " That's what she said, "career-maker." Lisbon: So you argued. Did it turn physical? Jayden Flower: No. I loved her. I would never do anything like that. Never. (between them, a single man) Man: Mr. Flower? I got the tarp on the roof in case it rains before you want me back. Didn't mean to interrupt. I'll get out of your hair now. Jayden Flower: Thank you. That's our contractor Cale Sylvan. He's, uh... Jane (shakes hands with Cale): Patrick Jane. Cale Sylvan: How you doing? Jane: Good. You're standing in the... (points at the pool of blood) Can I ask you a question? Uh, would you recommend a flash hot water heater over a regular one? I mean, I was leaning towards flash. But they're very expensive. Cale Sylvan: Well, you know, flash will pay for itself in energy savings pretty quick, but it depends on consumption. Jane: Of course. That's a very good point. Um, do you have a card? Cale Sylvan: Sure. Jane: Great. I'll maybe give you a call. Great. (Cale leaves the house) Well, thanks for your time, Mr. Flower. Thank you. (on the steps of the Flower residence) Jane: Cale Sylvan is a dangerous psychopath, and he killed kelly flower. Lisbon: How's that? Jane: He had access, and he looked evil. Lisbon: And... Jane: When I told him he was standing in her blood, what was his reaction? Not horror. Not embarrassment. Lisbon: No emotion at all. All right. I'll run him. Jane: Excellent. Having prints might help, no? In a shed, the Sacramento Harbour Wharf (Van Pelt, Cho, Hank Draber, an old woman in a wheelchair, gunmen) Hank Draber: You know, you guys should be more careful. You almost got yourselves shot. It's a good thing you look like cops. Cho: We could take you in, but you'll lawyer up. And we'll all waste a lot of time. But here we can have a nice conversation, right? Hank Draber: Yeah. That sounds reasonable. Cho: Fine. Kelly Flower was all set to fry your ass in court. You were looking at 20 years, easy. Now the trial's been postponed who knows how long. That gives you motive for her murder. Old Woman in a wheelchair (she has just dropped a piece of paper): Oh, that one's a winner. I know it is. Van Pelt: Here you go. You like the lotto, huh? Old Woman in a wheelchair: None of your business. Hank Draber: Mom. Come on. Annabelle Draber (to Van Pelt): You have pretty hair. Hank Draber: My mom's a little senile. Cho: Now who'd take care of your mother if Kelly Flower put you in jail? Hank Draber: You know, killing a prosecutor is, is almost as bad as killing a cop, right? It's not something I want to get my hands dirty with. I got enough problems as it is. Right, mom? Annabelle Draber: Close your mouth, muffin. INT. CBI office (Lisbon, writing, Jane lying on the couch. Between them, Rigsby) Rigsby: Well, Jane's right. Sylvan is a killer. Jane: You know, it feels good to be right. Rigsby: Prints brought up these I. D.S. We got Carl Sennett, a witness in an accidental drowning in Arizona. Cory Sampson, who lived next door to a hit-and-run victim in seattle. And Chad Sewell, wanted for questioning about the murder of his boss, a bank executive in Reno. We have four other deaths that Sylvan's linked to In some other way. Lisbon: He's not just a killer. He's a serial killer. Jane: Well, Saddle up. Lock and load. Do what you do. Go, go bring him in. Rigsby: We can't. Lisbon: Nope. Jane: What? Lisbon: All we have is that Cale Sylvan liked to change his name. Not illegal and that bad luck followed him. We don't even have enough for a search warrant. Jane: He'll kill again. You, you know what he is, Lisbon. Lisbon: Knowing isn't proving. Rigsby, have Cho set up on Sylvan's house 24-hour surveillance. If he shows up, have Cho follow him. Maybe we'll get lucky. Rigsby: Okay. (he leaves) Jane: This, this is ridiculous. I... Lisbon: I know. Jane: I'm gonna go with Cho. Lisbon: Go. EXT. Day (Cho and Jane concealed in a car outside Sylvan's apartment) Jane: Sylvan's smart enough to know we'll be here. He won't be coming back. It's a waste of time. Cho: Yep. Jane: What are you reading there, Cho? Cho: "Wuthering Heights." Jane: Well, I'm gonna take a stroll. (he gets out of the car, puts his head to the window) Let me know how it ends. Cho: Not well. CBI Building - Lisbon's Office (Lisbon, Rigsby, Van Pelt) Lisbon: Cho said Jane ditched him at Sylvan's. Have you seen him? Rigsby: Nope. There's something hinky here, boss. These are photos of some of the victims linked to Sylvan. Lisbon: Different ages, sexes, races. Rigsby: Exactly. A serial killer almost always hunts the same kind of prey. This doesn't make sense as a serial killer's M.O. Van Pelt: It does when you look at Sylvan's financials. I tracked bank records for all the I. D.S. we could find. Sylvan received substantial payments just before and just after each death. Lisbon: He kills for money? He's a hit man? Jane: A psychopath who made money from his hobby. It's outstanding. You do something you love. You never have to work a day in your life. Lisbon: Where the hell have you been? Jane: Me? Oh, I've been around. Van Pelt: I found a web site registered to one of his old identies. It says to "call Mr. Black for odd jobs of any sort." Jane: Well, I guess we should give him a call. Grace, do you happen to have any photographs of, uh, you know, ex-boyfriends? Back in the alley (Van Pelt, hooded man) In a room not far from Van Pelt (Jane, Lisbon, Rigsby) Van Pelt (She shows him a picture of Rigsby): I want you to kill him. How much do you charge? Jane (in Van Pelt's earpiece): Ask him again, Grace. You're a busy lady. You don't have all night. Van Pelt: You gonna answer me or not? I want the b*st*rd dead, soon. Jane (to Lisbon and Rigsby): She's convincing. Rigsby: Trying to work here. Jane: Okay. Mr. Black: I charge $50,000. And what you're asking is pretty easy. I mean, you just gotta have to stop thinking of him as a person. The rest is just a physics problem, gravity, force, torque. Jane (in Van Pelt's earpiece): Ask for proof of what he does. Van Pelt: Torque is well and good, but I need to know that you're for real. See, maybe you're a hitter. Maybe you're a cop. Lisbon: Long shot. Jane: Trying to work here. Mr. Black: Let me show you somethin'. (he pulls out a knife threateningly) How's that? Lisbon: Let's move. Jane (in Van Pelt's earpiece): No, no, no. It's a test. Grace, listen. Listen very carefully. Mr. Black: Are you a cop? Van Pelt: I'm not a cop. I'm just careful, like you. I just want to know that I have the right man. Jane (in Van Pelt's earpiece): Besides, don't you want to show me... Van Pelt (repeating what Jane told him): Besides, don't you want to show me. So you can make me afraid? That's what you like, isn't it. Seeing the fear? You show me yours, and I'll show you mine. Mr. Black: I have something to show you then. Just watch for a second. (a video on his mobile phone. The murder of Kelly Flower) "Kelly Flower (she crawls on the ground): Oh, wait. Oh, please!" Mr. Black: Look at it. It's my last job. The client was very happy. Jane (excited): Proof. That's proof. Proof. Mr. Black: Are we gonna do business? Van Pelt: Yes, we are. Rigsby (comes out of hiding weapon in hand): CBI! Drop the knife! (Lisbon, Cho, a number of police officers appear) Chot: Don't move! Rigsby: Hands on your head! Lisbon: Drop the knife now! Rigsby: Don't move! On your knees! Lisbon: Cale Sylvan, you're under arrest for the murder of Kelly Flower. Rigsby: Hands on your head! Lisbon: Jane, you can come out. Jane: Okay. Lisbon: How'd you know he had proof? Jane: Well, he's a narcissist. Needs affirmation, trophies. Lisbon: Who paid you to kill Kelly? Jane: Tell 'em. You'll feel better. Mr. Black: I would like to talk to my lawyer. And II'll see you clowns in court. INT. Daytime. Sacramento County Courthouse corridors (Jane, Lisbon) Jane: Catching killers I enjoy, but being reminded that we're just a cog in a petty, fascist machine, that is a little depressing. Lisbon: Crime-fighting is hard. Suck it up. If you weren't on the witness list, I wouldn't even let you in the same time zone as Judge Dread. Jane: "Judge Dread", can't possibly be as much fun as it sounds. On a TV screen, images of the murder of Kelly Flower Courtroom (Lisbon testifies) "Kelly Flower: Oh, please! Please! What do you want? Oh, god! Oh, god, don't hurt me! Oh, god! Oh, god, don't! Please! Please!" Dana Munn (Cale Sylvan's Lawyer): Your honor, I object. This video is inflammatory and prejudicial. Although we'll stipulate to the fact That Kelly Flower was murdered, we reserve our right to deny that there is probable cause my client committed said murder. And we also object to the chain of custody for this video. Jane: Is that even a sentence? Judge Hildred: Quiet in the gallery! You say another word, and you'll regret it. Jane: Well, I'm... I'm sorry, your honor, but this woman is spouting nothing but ludicrous pettifoggery. And, uh, I'm a little hungry. Lisbon: Your honor, if you'll let me down, I can handle him. Judge Hildred: Mr. Jane, that is your name, correct? Jane: That's correct. Patrick Jane. Judge Hildred: Well, this court hereby fines you $1,000. Jane: Make it $2,000, and let me tell this, uh, tiresome woman to move it along. Judge Hildred: $2,000 then. Jane: Okay. Judge Hildred: Counselor, you heard the man. Move it along. Dana Munn: So, agent Lisbon, let's get back to this video. That night was the first time you'd ever seen it? Lisbon: Yes. Dana Munn: Are you sure? Marc Odenthal: Objection. Asked and answered. Dana Munn: I'll move on, your honor. So you never entered Mr. Sylvan's apartment and looked at the video. On his computer or instructed anyone else to do so? Lisbon: No. Dana Munn: Well, then I need you to answer a puzzling question. Your honor, I would like to enter this into evidence as defense exhibit one. Jane: Oh oh. Dana Munn: I got this mug from Mr. Sylvan's sink. But he didn't put it there. Lisbon: So... Dana Munn: So tell me, how is it that this mug has Mr. Jane's fingerprints on it? Agent Lisbon, did your consultant break into Mr. Sylvan's home without a warrant? Lisbon: No. No, of course not. Marc Odenthal: Your honor, may I have a moment to confer with agent Lisbon? Judge Hildred: You make it quick. This is getting interesting. Bailiff. (Lisbon and Marc Odenthal approach Jane) Lisbon: That's how you knew Sylvan had proof. You'd already seen it. Jane: I have no idea what you're talking about. Marc Odenthal: Tell us what happened now. Jane: I was with Cho. We were staking out Sylvan's place. I decided I wanted to take a walk. (Flashback - Cale Sylvan's appartment) I happened upon Sylvan's door, unlocked. And like any concerned citizen, I went in to look around. And checked that the place hadn't been robbed. Then I left. That's it. Lisbon: Oh, crap. Judge Hildred: What's the story, Mr. Odenthal? Marc Odenthal: Your honor... Mr. Jane did enter Mr. Sylvan's residence, but only because he feared there was an intruder inside. Dana Munn: You mean one besides himself? Jane: I, it's not like I took anything, your honor. Marc Odenthal: Your honor, what Mr. Jane is trying to say is that he's not a state agent. He's a private consultant. Therefore, there's no fourth amendment violation. Dana Munn: Mr. Jane is a charlatan who has made a mockery of our legal system on numerous occasions. In fact, a few months ago he refused to take a woman to the hospital for poisoning until she confessed to a murder. Jane: She was not poisoned in the first place, and it was just a very clever ruse... Judge Hildred: Quiet, Mr. Jane. For what it's worth. You should be ashamed of yourself anyway. You, too, agent Lisbon. You're the law. I hold Mr. Jane's search to be illegal, and any evidence discovered then or during the sting is hereby excluded as fruit of the poisonous tree. The video, out. Any statements made by the Defendant to agent Van Pelt, out. Marc Odenthal: Your honor, I object. Your anger is clouding your... Judge Hildred: Mr. Odenthal, do you have any evidence of any kind that your consultant hasn't crapped all over? Marc Odenthal: No, your honor. Judge Hildred: Well, then the People v. Sylvan is hereby dismissed for lack of evidence. Mr. Sylvan, you're free to go. Jane: This is ridiculous, your honor. Jayden Flower: This is wrong! This don't make no sense! Cale Sylvan (to Jane): I'll be seeing you. Jayden Flower: He killed my wife! How can he go free? Judge Hildred: Bailiff, bring in the next case. Marc Odenthal's Office, on the wall the head of a stuffed bighorn (Marc Odenthal, Lisbon, Jane) Marc Odenthal: I had a confession. I had video. I had an airtight case. And it's all out. How could you break into his place? Jane: Easy. The lock on the back door was very flimsy. Lisbon: Marc, I apologize. I do. Jane: I, also, I didn't think I'd be found out. I mean, how was I to know they were going to dust for my finger prints? Marc Odenthal: You let a killer back on the streets. Jane: Actually, I got the killer off the streets. Keeping him off the streets, your job. Marc Odenthal: You're blaming me? (he takes a weapon from an evidence box, which is placed on a coffee table and brandishes it) I'm not the one who got the murder weapon tossed. Jane: Court is theater. Whatever side has the best liar wins. Usually that's you, but today she was better. Marc Odenthal: You're an arrogant little b*st*rd. Jane: Whoa, easy with the steel, brother. Marc Odenthal (checks it isn't loaded and places it back in the box): Oh, relax. It's not loaded. Lisbon: Look, Marc, there is no double jeopardy here. We can still take this to trial. I will find new evidence. I promise. Marc Odenthal (to Jane): You're a menace. When I'm D.A., you'll never work with this office again. Jane: So ambitious. Lisbon: Not your call, Marc. Not then, not now. Marc Odenthal: You're defending him? Jane: Thank you, Lisbon. Lisbon: Shut up, Jane. INT. Night - Hightower's Office (Hightower, Lisbon, Jane) Hightower: I thought you two trusted each other. Lisbon: So did I. Jane: We do. I, we have trust. I, I didn't tell her because I didn't want her to be complicit and then have to lie about it later. Hightower: Some partnership you got going on here. I'll have to send you home while the professional standards unit. Does its thing, five days at least. Jane: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's not her fault. Hightower: That will be the P.S.U.'s determination, no doubt. This is just the situation we talked about, Patrick. Agent Lisbon is responsible for the actions of her team members. Including you. Lisbon: Yes, ma'am. Is that all? Hightower: Yes. (Lisbon leaves the office) Jane (following Lisbon): Look, Lisbon, I'm so sorry. I really am. Hightower: Jane. (Jane stands in front of the office) Lisbon needs some time off. A few days off will do her good. Nice talking with you. Jane: Yeah. (he leaves the office) [SCENE_BREAK] Team Office (Lisbon, Van Pelt, Cho, Rigsby, Jane subsequently) Lisbon: Rigsby, go back through Sylvan's financials. Van Pelt, take another look at Kelly's video of her murder. See if we missed anything. Rigsby: Hey, we'll serve up Sylvan as your welcome back present, okay? Jane (to Cho and Rigsby watching disapprovingly): It's a little chilly in here. (to Lisbon) Do you want to go get a coffee? Oh, come on. Look at the bright side. You've five days off. You've five days off from me. Lisbon: Cho, you're in charge. He's your problem now. (she leaves) Jane: That's good. Cho's a big boy. He knows how to look after me. (Cho and Rigsby throw him the same disapproving look) (to Cho) You want to get a coffee? In a cafe (Jane, Cho seated with cups in front of them) Jane: Did you bring a book? Could be a bit of a wait. Cho: What are we doing here? Jane: You're still mad with me about Lisbon's suspension. Cho: Yeah. It's your fault. Jane: Yeah. You know, murderers takes risks, sometimes in order to catch these risk takers, we have to take risks. There can be fallout. Cho: Tell me what's going on or I'm outta here. Jane: Okay. I looked in Sylvan's kitchen cabinets. Not much of a tea selection. He's a coffee geek. Drinks only the best, fresh-roast coffee. And the best fresh-roasted coffee in Sylvan's neighborhood... Cho: Is in this place here. That's kind of thin. Jane: Yeah, but I'm 100% confident that it... (Cale Sylvan takes a place in the queue) Thank goodness. Cho: Look, the judge warned us not to talk to Sylvan without his lawyer. Jane: Talk? This is two guys bumping into each other in the coffee line. Cho (Jane gets up and goes to Cale Sylvan): Jane... Jane (Jane joins Cale Sylvan in the queue): Cale? Oh, that's a funny coincidence. Cale Sylvan (turns to Jane): I told you I'd be seeing you. Jane: Yeah. Well, you look well, (pats him on the back) I gotta say. You're in a very relaxed state. Now confess that you killed Kelly Flower, and a huge burden will be lifted. Cale Sylvan: Funny guy. Sense of humor. That's great. Jane: Yeah. Well, maybe I did something wrong. Sorry to, uh, bother you. Cale Sylvan: Accidents happen. (Jane returns to the table where Cho waits) Cho: Hypnosis. Great plan. Jane: No, that would be silly. Hypnosis is illegal. That was a misdirect so that I could search his Jacket pockets and find...this... (he opens his right hand and is shocked to discover ...) Cho: A button, fluff and some sand? Jane: Yeah. It's a little anticlimactic. Um, do you have an evidence baggie? Cho (rises and leaves): You're walking home. Jane: Or I could just carry it. CBI Team Office (Rigsby, Van Pelt, Cho) Rigsby: So Sylvan's financials are clean. There's just one thing I don't get. The end of every month, he withdraws just over 2 grand in cash. He has no family, no girlfriend. Cho: Sounds like rent. Rigsby: His apartment's only $900, and he writes a check for that. Cho: No, not his apartment, his home. A place to store his tools, process his victims, keep his trophies. Rigsby: A murder house. And if he's paying cash, it's a fair bet the name Cale Sylvan won't be on the lease. The place could be anywhere. Van Pelt: Maybe I can narrow it a little. Look at this. This is from the Sylvan murder video. The bag he's holding, it's from ABS gym. We show his picture around the gym. Maybe we find someone who knows his other address. Rigsby: There's a dozen abs gyms around here. It'll take days to canvass 'em. Cho: I'll start with the ones by the river. The sand Jane found In Sylvan's pockets, it's river sand, not ocean sand. Rigsby: How'd you know? Cho: We're in Sacramento. We got a river, not an ocean. Van Pelt: There's only one abs gym near the river, on Dos Robles. Rigsby: On my way. Cho: If you get an address, go straight to judge Hildred and get a search warrant. We'll take down Sylvan today. Ext. Daytime. On a dilapidated white wooden fence, a sign: "PRIVATE PROPERTY. KEEP OUT" (one nears the house) (sitting in a chair, a man watches a black and white gangster film, on a flat screen, he eats crackers) (we hear someone gagged trying to talk) Cale Sylvan: Aw, shut up. You shouldn't have embezzled all that money, you big baby. (In the background, a man is lying on the kitchen table, bound with tape) (he gets up) Time to go to work. (picks up a kitchen knife, which was next to the package of crackers, goes over to the gagged man) I don't think you're gonna want to look at this. (he grabs the knife with both hands lifted above man, a smoke grenade lands at his feet) What was that? (Cho, Rigsby, police storm the house) Rigsby: Freeze! Freeze! Let me see your hands! Let me see your hands! (fight with Cho and Van Pelt and they overpower) Cale Sylvan: Get your hands off of me! Get your hands off me! Cho: Hook him up. Cale Sylvan: It's not me. I hope you brought more people. Cheating son of a bitch. Rigsby: (to the gagged and taped man): You're okay. You're okay. You're safe now. Cho (to Van Pelt): You got it? There we go. (they leave the house, it's dark) Rigsby: I sent the victim to the hospital. He'll be okay... After three or four years of therapy. Cho: Good. Yeah, that look's not so scary when you're in handcuffs, buddy. Either you tell us who hired you or you're looking at a slam-dunk death penalty. Cale Sylvan (leaning against a police car): Maybe we can come to some kind of arrangement. Rigsby (sees a red light on Cho's shirt, he shoves him): Cho, get down! (shot, Cale Sylvan collapses) Rigsby: 10-33. shots fired. Van Pelt: Man down. We need paramedics now. G.S.W. to the chest. Rigsby: Shot came from the north of location. North of location. Let's get a bird in here now. Cho: The son of a bitch is dead. Ext. Daytime. (coroner's investigation team search the ground around Cale Sylvan's house) Cho (to a police officer who made him sign a piece of paper): Call in another team for the back of the house. Thanks. (to Rigsby, who arrives) That's eight bodies so far, and that's just the ones Sylvan's clients didn't want found. Rigsby: They're gonna be clearing missing persons cases for a month. Cho: Any luck on the shooter? Rigsby: Not much. Kill shot came from that hillside. Over two football fields away. Cho: That's a tough shot. So I guess whoever employed Sylvan hired a second shooter to cover his tracks. Rigsby: The thing is, how did that client know that Sylvan had become a liability? Cho: That's a good question. Where's Jane? Ext. Daytime. In front of a warehouse at the port of Sacramento (Jane Lisbon) Jane (meets Lisbon getting out of the car): Hey! Lisbon: This better be good. I was catching up on my tivo. Jane: Liar. You were reading. But what? Progress reports? Lisbon: No. Jane Whatever. This is gonna be a lot of fun. I'm going into the Drabers' lair. Lisbon: It's not a lair, it's an office, and no, you're not. Jane: Oh, yes, I am. They seem kind of scary. You wouldn't want me to get hurt, would you? Lisbon: Don't bet on it. W, why the Drabers? Jane: A hunch. They're key in this somehow. Lisbon: You think they hired Sylvan? Jane: Well, Sylvan looked the part. Lisbon: Why the hell didn't you call Cho? Jane: Well, you were closer. Lisbon: Call Cho. I'm not even armed. Jane: More lies. You have at least two guns in that car. Three? Oh, my... You're the poster girl for the N. R.A. In the Draber's shed. (Jane, Lisbon, Hank and Annabelle Draber) Hank Draber: I'm telling you, I've got nothing to do with the prosecutor dying. And the Sylvan guy, never heard of him before I saw him on the news. Jane (to Annabelle Draber, who is scratching lotto games): Hello. Hi! Annabelle Draber: Gonna win big. Gonna buy a washing machine. Jane: She's a treasure. You want to leave her alone? Hank Draber: She's a little soft in the head, okay? Jane: You know, Hank, as you were talking to Lisbon here, I couldn't help but notice you kept looking at your mother, as if you were checking for her approval. I mean, most tough guys are scared of their mothers, but, Hank, you were quaking. Hank Draber: Your friend's crazier than my mom. Jane: Digging those nails. Plucked eyebrows, coiffed hair. Did you do the, uh, makeover, Hank? No, didn't think so. Annabelle Draber: Time for my stories, Hanky. Jane: Okay, Hanky. Hank Draber: You are upsetting her, okay? So leave her alone. Lisbon: Easy. Jane: This is brilliant. (turning to Lisbon) Lisbon, this is brilliant. (talking to Annabelle Draber) You, you are a treasure. You're running this whole operation, aren't you? Hank's just a figurehead to take the heat. Tell me I'm right. You know, I should have checked the shoes. (Annabelle Draber rises from her wheelchair goes next to her son) Annabelle Draber: Damn it, Hank. I told you about looking at me, didn't I? Did you mean: (to Jane, who is jubilant) You think you're so damn clever. Well, clever is as clever does, and you've just made a very stupid move. Boys! Jane (two armed men arrive): Oh, dear. Annabelle Draber: How clever are you now exactly? Lisbon: We're cops. Just be cool. Put the weapons down now. Annabelle Draber: You put your gun down, Miss Lisbon, and you can live. (doors of a container open in front of Lisbon and Jane) Hank Draber: Come on. Get in. (they enter, the doors close, they are almost completely in the dark) Jane: I was right about Annabelle anyway. Lisbon: Congratulations. (a clark carries a container, removal truck starts up) INT. CBI office (Van Pelt, Rigsby, Cho) Rigsby: So we're good, right? You're not gonna put a hit out on me? Van Pelt: You've moved on. That's good. I've moved on, too. Rigsby: Well, I'm glad. That's a relief. Cho: You guys heard from Jane? Van Pelt: No Rigsby: No INT. container (Lisbon, Jane) Lisbon (she taps on the wall of the container): Hello?! Anybody?! Hello?! (Jane near a barred "window" is exasperated by all the noise) Jane: I can't really see anything. There's kind of a draft right here, though, if you just... Just there. Lisbon: No food, no water. This is not good. Jane: Well, I suppose we should draw straws to see who eats who first. Lisbon: Yeah, right. Draw straws with a professional cheat. Jane: Why so grumpy? It's not like we're gonna die here. The Drabers don't want us dead. Come here and get a little bit of this breeze. It'll cheer you up. Come here. It's not quite as nice as a river breeze, but it's not bad. You feeling that? Good. Lisbon: River breeze. Wait a minute. I live nowhere near the docks. Jane: Well, that's good. It's a terrible neighborhood. Lisbon: You said you called me because I was closer, but the H.Q. is only 15 minutes from the docks. Jane: I'm, I'm just, I'm bad with distances, always have been. Lisbon: Patrick Jane, you were trying to help me. You were. You thought if I made a big bust, the P.S.U. would get off my back. Jane: You know I'm always gonna save you, Lisbon, whether you like it or not. Lisbon: I don't need to be saved. I knew this would end a disaster the day I signed on with you. One day I'm gonna get fired because of you. That's just the way it is. Jane: Right. Well, some people might ask why you signed on with me in the first place. Lisbon: We catch a lot of bad guys. Most days, that's enough. Also, I... Jane: I think I hear something. Someone out there. Lisbon: Where? Jane: Hello! Lisbon: Hello? Jane: Over here! Lisbon: In here! Jane: Around the front. The, the big latch. I told you I would save you, Lisbon. (un enfant tenant une corde avec au bout une chevre leur ouvre, ils sont au milieu de nulle part, presqu'un d sert. Il s' loignent en suivant l'enfant) (a child holding a rope with a goat. They are in the middle of nowhere, almost a desert. The goat follows the child away) INT. Daytime. CBI Building (Rigsby, Van Pelt, Cho) Rigsby: Sac P.D. found Jane's car at the docks. Lisbon's too. Van Pelt: Crap. Rigsby: No sign of them or the Drabers. Cho: Call sac P.D., I.C.E. and the coast guard. Have them search every vehicle... Warehouse and boat the Drabers own. Van Pelt (answers the phone): Van Pelt. Slow down. Rigsby (passes the call): Agent Rigsby. Van Pelt: Um, s . Uno-uno momento, por favor. (hands the phone to Rigsby) Can you? Rigsby (he finished his call): I'll call you back. Van Pelt: It's the Federales, I think. Something about Jane and a goat? Ext. Daytime. Courthouse in Sacramento. In a courtroom. (Marc Odenthal, Judge Hildred, Jane, Lisbon) Marc Odenthal (to the jury): Louise Willett robbed the very people she was supposed to be taking care of, and she spent that money. (Jane enters the room, followed by Lisbon, both bedraggled) Jane (interrupting Odenthal): Ipso facto, ad nauseam. Sorry, Odenthal. I need to borrow your judge for a second. Judge Hildred: Uh, Mr. Jane, we are in session. Jane: Yes, we would have come earlier, but, uh, we had quite a long walk getting here. It won't take a second. We just need one of your fancy arrest/warrant thingies for Annabelle Draber. (cellphone rings) She'll give you the details. Marc Odenthal: Jane, get out of here. Judge Hildred: Mr. Jane, there are no phones in my courtroom. Jane: I'm very sorry. Just a minute, Cho. I'm kinda busy. Judge Hildred: That's $1,000, Mr. Jane. Jane: Sure. Uh, listen, I'm kinda in the middle of something, so I'll call you back. Judge Hildred: $2,000. hang it up. Now! Jane: (to the judge) Sure. (on phone) Really? Judge Hildred: $3,000. Jane: Listen, Cho, uh... Judge Hildred: $4,000. Defense Counsel: Your honor, I move for a mistrial. Judge Hildred: $5,000. Marc Odenthal (to Jane): You're not costing me another case. Give me that phone. Jane: No. Get your own. (he flicks Marc Odenthal on the nose) Marc Odenthal: Your honor, battery? Judge Hildred: Bailiffs, would you arrest this man, please? Jane: Lisbon, this... The policeman in the room: Hang on. Jane: Cho. Lisbon: I'm on suspension. No badge, no authority. (Jane is handcuffed behind his back) INT. Daytime. CBI Team Office (Jane, Cho) Jane (sitting on the sofa reading a large book): Oh, thanks for bailing me out. Lisbon wasn't answering her phone for some reason. Cho: The judge is really pissed, so is Odenthal. They want to make an example. Jane: Hum... Cho: It's not just contempt of court, Jane. It's battery. Jane: Battery against a peace officer. Penal code section 242 "et seq."I love the latin. You know there's 30 kinds of battery charges? Cho: Yes. Jane: This stuff is fascinating. You know, I could be my own lawyer. Cho: You're gonna represent yourself? You represent yourself, you're an idiot. Jane: Uh, it's actually "he who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client." It's much catchier. Could be fun, Cho. In the courtroom (Jane, Judge Hildred, Marc Odenthal) (Jane sat on the witnesses chair leafs through the Penal Code of California) Judge Hildred: This may be a, hum, a somewhat informal hearing, but you still must respect this court, or you will go directly back to jail. Do you read me? Jane: Yeah, you bet, your honor. Jayden Flower (sits down next to Lisbon in the room): Mr. Jane asked me to come. Do you know why? Lisbon: I have no idea. Marc Odenthal: Let's get right to it, Mr. Jane. Is it true that yesterday, you tweaked the Assistant District Attorney's nose in this very room? Jane (laughs): Speaking of yourself in the third person, Marc. Y, you gotta admit, sounds a little silly. Yes, I tweaked your nose. Marc Odenthal: Your honor, we're done here. Mr. Jane admits the crime. Jane: But in my defense, you were being very annoying. Judge Hildred: Mr. Jane, you're out of order. Jane: You're out of order. You're out of order. This whole trial's out of order! Oh, come on. You gotta admit, you walked right into that one. Okay. All right, my turn to question you guys. Marc Odenthal: Yes. Wait."you guys"? Plural? Jane: Well, you're both witnesses. Oh, Uh... When I'm cross-examing myself. (to the judge) Do, do I have to stand down there and ask the questions and run back up here and answer them? Judge Hildred: Mr. Jane, you stay put. Jane: Okay. Judge Hildred: Mr. Odenthal, you take a deep breath. Pro perdefendants are given a certain amount of latitude. You know that. God help us all. Jane: Judge Hildred, are you now or have you ever been a member of the communist party? Judge Hildred: What? No! Jane: Mr. Odenthal, do you own a gun? Marc Odenthal: Wait. What? Jane: Are you a good shot? Don't answer that. How about you, your honor? You any good with a gun? The person that killed Cale Sylvan, they estimated, was more than 200 yards away. That is a great shot. It's why we assume there was a second hit man. Judge Hildred: Mr. Jane, please sit down. Jane (to Marc Odenthal): Were you having an affair with Kelly Flower? Judge Hildred: No. Jane: But isn't it true that you delight in killing small furry animals? You're a hunter. Marc Odenthal: This is irrelevant. Jane: Oh? This is how we solve a murder. Are you saying you don't want me to solve a murder? Judge Hildred: Of course I do. Jane: Then answer the question, sir. Answer it, or tell me why you won't. Judge Hildred: I go duck hunting every season. Jane: And what kind of gun do you use to kill these defenseless ducks? Marc Odenthal: A 10-gauge shotgun. Jane: And would you consider yourself a very good marksman? Judge Hildred: Uh, last season I bagged a mallard at, uh, 60 yards. Jane: Oh, that's not bad. Not, not bad at all. 0-gauge, 3-inch shell. 3 inches of hell. 3 inches of death. Marc Odenthal: 3 1/2. I mean, I think. Right? Jane: So you must be a hunter, too. Marc Odenthal: No. I... Jane: Then what's that dead beast in your office, Marc? What is that? Did you just get it off craigslist? Marc Odenthal: Well, I, uh, I mean, yes, I used to hunt, just not anymore. Jane: But you still know your way around a gun, don't you? (flashback to Odenthal's office when he "toyed" with the weapon in front of Jane and Lisbon) "Oh, relax. It's not loaded." You own your own rifle, don't you? You heard that the judge had issued a warrant for Sylvan's murder house. And you knew that you had to silence Sylvan, before he talked. (flashback during the murder of Cale Sylvan) "Cho, get down!" You had to silence him before he named you as his client. The client who hired him to kill Kelly Flower. Marc Odenthal: Your honor, this is completely ridiculous. Jane: So prove it. Let us search your house. We don't find a gun, I'll apologize. Judge Hildred: Let him do the search, Marc. Marc Odenthal: No. Jane: No? Marc Odenthal: No. I don't have to do that. I have rights. And you're obviously prejudiced against me, judge. And I'm going to take that up with the chief judge. In fact, I'm going to do that right now. (he turns away and attempts to go away) Judge Hildred: You should stay put, counselor. Bailiff. Lisbon: Don't move. The policeman in the room: Sir, your hands. CBI interrogation room (Lisbon, Jane, Marc Odenthal) Lisbon: The gun that killed Sylvan, a Remington 700, with scope, from your garage. Jane: Oh, and, uh... We got a warrant. You're right. A lot better with one of these. Lisbon: You're a good prosecutor. You know what this means. A sniper rifle, lying in wait, murder with special circumstances. Jane: Hello, death penalty. Lisbon: But if you're willing to come clean about Kelly's murder, the D.A. will take death off the table. That is the last and only offer you'll get, you miserable sack of crap. Jane: I realized the Drabers didn't hire Sylvan when they didn't kill Lisbon and me. If they don't kill cops, they're certainly not gonna kill an Assistant District Attorney. But the Drabers were connected somehow, weren't they? 'Cause their case was a "career maker", according to Kelly, and you wanted to be D.A. someday. Marc Odenthal: The Draber case would have made me a lock for D.A. Jane: Oh, yeah. Marc Odenthal: And it should have been me. I had seniority. It was mine, and the bitch took it. Jane: So you hired Sylvan to kill her. Marc Odenthal: Yes. Lisbon: And when Sylvan was arrested, you, told him you'd fix it, that he'd walk. As prosecutor, you had that power. Jane: Then you had Sylvan tell his attorney to investigate me. Marc Odenthal: The whole D.A.'s office knows how you operate. Craziness. I thought there was a good chance you'd stepped over some line or other. Turned out you had. Lisbon: It's all right. He's learned his lesson. Jane: Yeah, I have. I certainly have, Lisbon. I won't be stopping for tea again... Hightower's Office (Hightower, Lisbon, Jane) Hightower (on phone): And lights out at 9:30, and your sister at 9:00. No. 9:30. I love you. Bye. Lisbon: You wanted to see us, ma'am? Hightower: Yeah, yeah, sit. Before I make any final decisions, I want to make sure I understand what happened. You disrupted a courtroom, assaulted an officer of the court. So you could question him and nearly caused a mistrial in an unrelated felony case. Is that about right? Jane: Yeah, that's pretty accurate. Hightower: You ignored your suspension, confronted a gang of criminals without any backup and then participated in Mr. Jane's disruptions, assault, etcetera? Lisbon: Yes, ma'am. Hightower (She closes the file she was reading): All right, then. Lisbon: I'm sorry. I don't understand, ma'am. Hightower: The CBI just busted a crooked D.A., rooted out corruption and solved the murder of one of our own. Jane: Awesome. Hightower: By the way, I.C.E. picked up the Drabers at the Canadian border. The D.A. announced he'll try the case himself. Jane: We should have done that in the first place. Hightower (takes briefcase and leaves office): I'll tell the P.S.U. to terminate your suspension. Welcome back. (She turns at the door) Oh Patrick, Judge Hildred's clerk called. You owe the court $16,000 in fines. He needs a cashier's check. Jane: Well we caught the bad guys Lisbon: Yes we do. Jane: Most days that's enough. Lisbon: Yeah! Jane: You hum, want go to range, drink something? Lisbon: I drive. (she leaves the office on her heels Jane)

Van Pelt (in a flashforward ) orders a hit on Rigsby. Before, the CBI team arrives on the scene of the murder of ADA Kelly Flower. Jane quickly discovers and identifies her killer as Cale Sylvan, the building contractor at the Flowers' house, whom the CBI team learns is a psychopathic hitman/serial killer-for-hire, but they can find no proof of his double identity. Meanwhile Cho and Van Pelt confront docker Hank Draber whom ADA Kelly Flower was about to get convicted and sentenced to 20 years, in a case that would have made Flower's career and probably the next DA. The CBI believes Hank Draber ordered Sylvan to murder Flowers, although Draber seems more concerned about upsetting his wheelchair-bound invalid mother. The team sets up an undercover operation where Van Pelt orders the hit and exposes Sylvan - Sylvan took trophy film footage of Flowers begging for mercy and his killing her. In court, it is discovered that Jane had broken into the suspect's home in preparation for the sting and Judge Hildred informs ADA Odenthal and his prosecution team that the film footage is inadmissable and all charges are dismissed because they are " fruit of the poisonous tree ". ADA Odenthal, who ambitiously expects to be DA eventually, is furious with Jane. Hightower suspends Lisbon for five days for her lack of control over Jane. The CBI team must now apprehend Sylvan on different evidence. Jane engineers a way to pick Sylvan's pocket and a logo on his gym bag indicates the location of Sylvan's secret murder house; the team arrest Sylvan just before he murders someone else. A mysterious skilful long-distance sniper shot kills Sylvan. Jane, assisted by Lisbon, reveals that Hank Draber's invalid mother is faking disability and is the real brains of the Draber illegal operations but the Drabers are not murderers. Back in court, Jane (deliberately) acts in contempt of court and tweaks ADA Odenthal's nose, causing him to be tried before Judge Hildred for battery. Jane elects to defend himself. Kelly Flowers' widower is surprised to have been called to watch the hearing. Through his questioning, Jane admits battery but reveals to the court that Odenthal had hired Sylvan to kill Kelly Flowers and then shot Sylvan after overhearing Judge Hildred issue a warrant for Sylvan - Kelly Flowers had been promoted to the ADA job instead of Odenthal, a job he expected as his right. Hightower is pleased at the outcome and says she will get Lisbon reinstated.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_04x13

fd_Gilmore_Girls_04x13_0

OPEN AT LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai is coming down the stairs into the living room. She is zipping up the extra cardigan she's wearing on top of her pajamas] LORELAI: Cold, cold, cold, cold ! Icy feet, stupid frozen-tundra house! Oh. [She picks up a shawl and wraps herself in it. She sees someone sleeping on the couch, bundled in blankets.] LORELAI: Honey, why are you sleeping in here? Your room is way warmer. [She turns up the thermostat and goes into the kitchen.] Okay, here's the question for today, kids. What the hell are the Eskimos thinking? I mean, yes, the hoods are cute, but it's always cold. Always! Plus you have to eat fish for breakfast and you have to eat whales and then polar bears and penguins and Santa Claus... [Comes back from the kitchen, towards the couch and sits on the sleeping figure] Okay, coffee's on, Pop-Tarts are pop-tarting! If you're just going to lie there, I'm going to have to sit here. I'm going to make myself very comfortable on a nice, warm Rory! [Rory comes out of her room] RORY: Why is it so cold in here? LORELAI: Ahh! RORY: Ahh! [Rory ties the belt of her cardigan and comes near the couch] LORELAI: I thought I was sitting on you! RORY: Oh, really? Good trick... LORELAI: Well, if you are there, then who is this? RORY: I don't know. LORELAI: We've got a stranger in our house. RORY: Robert Downey, Jr? LORELAI: Or a murderer. RORY: ... who needed to take a nap before committing his crimes? [Lorelai lifts the blankets to see Lane sleeping on the couch.] LORELAI: I think this belongs to you. RORY: She must have followed me home from Yale. I told her she could hang out there this weekend. LORELAI: But why do that when you can come here and sleep where penguins need a coat? RORY: Yeah, why is it so cold in here? LORELAI: I broke that stupid window trying to lock it last night. [They walk to the kitchen.] RORY: Well, get it fixed, woman. LORELAI: I left Luke a message just now. He'll do it. RORY: Before or after the re-enactment of Alive? LORELAI: Hopefully before. RORY: Why don't you call a guy? LORELAI: What guy? RORY: A window fixing guy. LORELAI: Ah, Luke always gets mad when I pay someone to do something that he could do for free. And then he lectures me about it every time I see him and it's annoying. "Oh, you paid him how much to fix the window? What, you couldn't just find someone to steal your purse that day? Hey, while you're at it I've got an idea, why don't you go down to a Versateller and let them charge you five bucks to take your own money out of the bank? Or buy some tickets at Ticketmaster and wind up paying more in service charges than it would cost you to see the band? Oh, here's a great fifty buck mark up on a bottle of wine that it would have cost you ten dollars in the supermarket you're missing!" RORY: Oh my God, Luke is annoying. LORELAI: So... RORY: What? LORELAI: Just wondering what you're thinking about. RORY: I'm thinking about nothing. LORELAI: Nothing wouldn't happen to wear a leather jacket and be able to pull off an extremely convincing "Adrian!" would it? RORY: No, it wouldn't. You think he froze to death? LORELAI: No, He wasn't sleeping here. RORY: Right. LORELAI: I'm sure Luke took care of it. [Lane walks in.] LANE: Hey, did somebody sit on me just now? LORELAI: No, why? LANE: My hip hurts. LORELAI: Oh, getting old... [Lane walks out of the room.] LORELAI: Hey, did anyone ever think that maybe Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy, she was just cold? [opening credits] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW STREET [Luke's driving his truck in the middle of a traffic jam. Horns are honking, people are yelling complaints. Luke pulls over, gets out of the truck and walks down the street to find out what's causing the traffic jam.] JESS [in his car]: Come on guys, push harder. KIRK [into a walkie-talkie]: We need more stars in the gazebo area. I repeat: We need more stars in the gazebo area. Do you copy? Roger. JOE: I'm supposed to say roger, Kirk. KIRK: I don't think so. Copy. Roger. JOE: Roger means I heard you, Kirk. I was supposed to say roger. KIRK: Negative. I am in charge here and I say roger! ROGER. JOE: No, you don't. WOMAN ON THE WALKIE TALKIE: Just let him say roger, Joe. JOE: If he says roger, what the hell am I supposed to say? WOMAN: Who cares? JESS: Get out of the way, Kirk. KIRK: Hold on. Roger. JESS: This car is not stopping. KIRK: I am planning the Firelight Festival. Taylor left me in charge, and I have to make sure everything is perfect. JESS: MOVE! KIRK: Roger. LUKE [to Jess]: Shouldn't you have a marching band behind you? JESS: Go away. LUKE: The Budweiser Clydesdales prancing along, Ann Jillian waving in the back. JESS: I've got to get my car to Gypsy so she can fix it and I can leave. LUKE: So you decided to push it there. JESS: I didn't have a choice. MAN IN A CAR: Just push this piece of junk out of my way! JESS: I'm going as fast as I can, jerk! LUKE: Jess, do you at all find this ridiculous? JESS: Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I do find this ridiculous. I find it ridiculous that Gypsy won't walk twenty feet to take a look at my car. LUKE: Hire a tow truck. JESS: It costs eighty bucks to hire a tow truck. Oh, come on, it's like freakin' Carnivale out here. LUKE: I'll give you the eighty bucks. JESS: No. LUKE: You're blocking the whole street. JESS: I don't want your money. LUKE: You wanna get out of here, let me pay the eighty bucks. MAN PUSHING THE CAR: I'll pitch in ten. JESS: Hey, how about more walkie, and less talkie. LUKE: You're making a spectacle of yourself. JESS: Go home, you won't have to watch. LUKE: Fine. [CUT TO GYPSY'S GARAGE] JESS: Well? GYPSY: Still looking. JESS: What's the matter with it? GYPSY: Still looking. JESS: You've been circling around the thing for fifteen minutes. You waiting for it to tell you where it hurts? GYPSY: I've seen dumber things talk. JESS: Just tell me what's wrong with the car. GYPSY: You need a carburetor. JESS: So how long until it's fixed? GYPSY: Not sure. JESS: It has to be today. I have to walk out of this half-mile, four-block, freakhole of a medical experiment. GYPSY: You are delightful. I'll have you out of here tonight. Go away and come back at closing. JESS: Fine. GYPSY: And bring a lot of money because I'm going to overcharge you like you've never been overcharged before. JESS: I'll bet you say that to all the guys. GYPSY: On second thought, maybe I'm closing early tonight. JESS: I'm going. [Jess turns to leave but stops when he sees couple standing across the street. He can only see the girl's back. She has long straight brown hair like Rory used to.] GYPSY: That's not her. JESS: What? GYPSY: She cut her hair. JESS: Don't know what you're talking about. GYPSY: Okay, my mistake. [Jess turns back to look at the couple. The girl turns around. It's not Rory.] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai is taping plastic wrap over the hole in the window with pink Barbie doll Band-aids.] LORELAI: Okay, now. Hold it. Oh, okay, how does it look? LANE: Festive and femme. LORELAI: Yes, and completely ineffective. LANE: Maybe it just needs another layer. LORELAI: Yes, of glass. RORY: Nice. Something to protect us from freezer burn. LORELAI: Come over here and help us. RORY: I'm not going to help you Barbie Band-aid our window. I will, however, help you to call one of the many extremely qualified window repairmen that I've circled for you in the phone book. LORELAI: Hey, if we fix the window before Luke comes over, he will have his feelings hurt. Do you want that? RORY: Phone book's on the kitchen table. LORELAI: Where are you going? RORY: I'm going to take a walk, get a Danish, hit the bookstore, and I'll be back for lunch. LORELAI: Okay. LORELAI: [to Lane] Maybe if we add a layer of tinfoil. RORY: Hey, professional window guys are driving by, pointing and laughing. I just thought you should know. LORELAI: Thank you. [RORY walks out.] LORELAI: So, listen, I have some errands to run today. Do you need anything? LANE: No, I'm fine. LORELAI: Okay. I'll probably be heading down Elm. LANE: Well, that's a good street. LORELAI: Yes, it is. If there is anything you'd want me to do on Elm, or anyone you wanted me to see, I could... LANE: That's okay. Has she said anything to you? LORELAI: No, but she's wanted to. LANE: How can you tell? LORELAI: Let's just say it's a mom thing. LANE: Yeah, well... [The phone rings.] LORELAI: Okay, well maybe tomorrow then. [Lane nods. Lorelai goes over to pick up the phone.] LORELAI: Hello? EMILY: It's a complete disaster! LORELAI: My existence? EMILY: Not everything is about you, Lorelai. LORELAI: Oh, sorry. EMILY: The rare manuscripts acquisition fundraiser is tonight and we still haven't filled our table. I'm four people short. RICHARD: The Burles are going to visit their daughter in New Hampshire. EMILY: Well then they can just go straight to hell, then, can't they? LORELAI: Mom, I already said I'd go. EMILY: But we still have a half empty table. LORELAI: Well, fewer people to fight over the centerpiece. EMILY: Stop it. This is not funny. The last person who didn't fill her table was Loretta Bobbins. Do you remember Loretta Bobbins? LORELAI: No. EMILY: Exactly! Once you do not fill your table, you do not get another table to fill. You are off the list. LORELAI: Mom, that's not gonna happen to you. EMILY: You said you would come. LORELAI: I am coming. EMILY: And you're bringing someone. LORELAI: I never said I was bringing someone. EMILY: Well, I'm telling you to now. LORELAI: Mom, it's tonight. EMILY: I need you to bring someone, Lorelai. LORELAI: But I... EMILY: Loretta Bobbins, Lorelai. [Richard walks in the room.] RICHARD: All right, the Dartmores are trying to change Bitty's viewing. They'll call back in a minute. EMILY: They owe us, Richard. Remind them that they owe us. [Richard gestures soothingly while Emily finishes the conversation with Lorelai.] EMILY: All right. I'll see you tonight at six o'clock sharp and don't wear those pantyhose with the seams up the back. You look like ten cents a dance. [Emily hangs up the phone.] EMILY: Richard, I need a gimlet. CUT TO LUKE'S DINNER [Kirk and Miss Patty walk in and sit at a table.] KIRK: After we light the bonfire, the dancers should come through. PATTY: Okay, Kirk. KIRK: They'll circle the gazebo. Jazz hands, jazz hands, jazz hands. Then out come the flaming batons. PATTY: That sounds good, Kirk. KIRK: Are you ignoring me? PATTY: Since you were old enough to walk, Kirk. [Over at the counter] LIZ: What do you think? CARRIE: I think it's good. LIZ: Is there too much turquoise? CARRIE: Are you kidding? Turquoise is timeless. LUKE: What are you doing? LIZ: Oh, hey, Luke. You remember my friend Carrie, right? LUKE: Oh, yeah. Hey, Carrie. CARRIE: Hi, Butch, good to see you. Been under any bleachers lately? LUKE: No, I haven't. What is that? LIZ: It's an earring tree. LUKE: And what is it for? LIZ: You hang earrings on it. LUKE: And what is it doing here? LIZ: I thought I'd put some of my earrings out, you know, and see if I could sell some to the good people of Stars Hollow. LUKE: No. LIZ: Why? CARRIE: They're cute. LUKE: This is a diner. People come here to eat, not shop. LIZ: But now they can do both. LUKE: Uh-huh. Hey, Liz, can I talk to you for a moment? CARRIE: Hey, Liz, you want me to negotiate with him for you? LUKE: No, she doesn't, Carrie. Thanks for the offer. Liz, please? LIZ: Sure, my brother. [They go to the other end of the counter.] LIZ: Why are you so stressed about this? LUKE: Liz, do you remember when you decided to make those ceramic pots? LIZ: Yes. LUKE: Without a kiln? LIZ: Yes. LUKE: And how did that go? LIZ: Pretty bad. LUKE: You were depressed for a month, you cut all your hair, you threw out all your clothes... LIZ: I remember the bad times. LUKE: You put those earring out on my counter and nobody buys them... LIZ: They sell great at the fairs. LUKE: I'm sure they do, but this is not a renaissance fair. Look around. Everybody here has a life. No one's gonna buy them. Please, just-- PATTY: Oh, look at this. Oh, these are so cute! Luke, are you selling these? LIZ: He sure is. PATTY: Well, I'll take 'em. KIRK: Excuse me, I wanted those. PATTY: Turquoise? With your complexion? KIRK: They're for Lulu. She's a sweetheart. PATTY: Does she have pierced ears? KIRK: Um, I can check. [Speaks into the walkie-talkie.] Joe, have you ever noticed my girlfriend's lobes? JOE [over walkie-talkie]: What? LUKE: Okay, thank you both for the show of support. It's very kind but you don't have to do this. PATTY: Do what? LUKE: Pretend that you like them because Liz made them. PATTY: Who's pretending? KIRK: Yeah, they're phat. LUKE: They're gonna fall apart. LIZ: No they're not. LUKE: They're gonna make people's ears green and send them to the hospital. LIZ: You cannot design my ad campaign. LUKE: Liz! LIZ: You need to nap, Jack. I'm cool, they're cool, everybody's cool. PATTY: Stop, Kirk! KIRK: Ouch! She slapped me! Who saw her slap me? LIZ: Okay, relax you two. I can make you whatever you want! CARRIE: I want these ones in fuchsia pink. I want these in purple... CUT TO WESTON'S BAKERY [Rory walks in.] RORY: Hi, I'd like a large coffee and a cherry Danish, please. [An employee hands her a paper cup. She walks over to the coffee pots and sees Jess sitting at a nearby table. They stare at each other for a few seconds.] JESS: I'm leaving. [He grabs his coat and walks out.] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW SQUARE [Kirk is talking into the walkie-talkie. Joe is yelling from across the square. ] KIRK: A little farther back. Roger. JOE: What? KIRK: It's gotta go back farther. Roger. JOE: I can't hear you. KIRK: Speak into to your walkie-talkie. Roger. JOE: Kirk, what are you saying? KIRK: [into the walkie-talkie.] Speak into your... [Gives up and yells] Speak into your walkie-talkie! Roger! JOE: I lost my walkie-talkie. I told you that. KIRK: Well, then it's your own fault! Roger! [Lorelai comes over. She sees Luke's truck about to pull out of its parking space and runs over to it.] LORELAI: Hey, Luke, hey Luke, hold on! Please, I know you owe us nothing but our dead frozen carcasses may someday haunt you in your old age, or not... because... [She sees Liz on the driver's seat.] you don't know who I am. Hi. Sorry. I thought you were Luke. LIZ: I should put on some lipstick. LORELAI: No, I just saw the truck. LIZ: Well, I borrowed the truck. LORELAI: Right. LIZ: He knows. LORELAI: I'm sure he does. LIZ: I'm Liz, Luke's sister. LORELAI: Oh, Luke's sister, yeah, I knew you were here. Hi, I'm Lorelai. So, is Luke in the diner? LIZ: No, he just stepped out for a sec. You need him for something? LORELAI: I just needed to tell him something, I ... LIZ: You want me to give him a message? LORELAI: Sure, yeah, um, tell him Lorelai wanted to gently remind him about the window. I'll be home until five-thirty and tell him I looked cold. LIZ: Oh, you're the wife. LORELAI: The wife? LIZ: Yeah, I knew he got married, but I hadn't seen the face yet. So, oh wow, it's good to meet you. LORELAI: No, no, no. I'm not the wife. I'm the friend and the customer, not the wife. LIZ: Oh, sorry. You look like his type, so... LORELAI: No, no, not his type or his wife, just his friend. And his customer. LIZ: Well, still good to meet you. LORELAI: You too. Luke has told me a lot about you. LIZ: Yeah, like what? LORELAI: Oh, like you're his sister... LIZ: He admits it! LORELAI: And that, you know, you're here visiting him, and how happy he is that you're visiting him. LIZ: He did not say that. LORELAI: I think he did. LIZ: He's not probably too thrilled I'm here. I'm kind of pain in his ass. LORELAI: Well, aren't we all? LIZ: Yeah, but I'm special. I kinda screw up a lot and then he has to fix it and then we fight and then I screw up again and he fixes it - it's a pattern. LORELAI: Well, Luke likes his routine. LIZ: He's pretty amazing though. No matter how much I screw up, he just keeps fixing it. I need money, he gives me money. No place to live, Luke finds an apartment. Even my kid when I was having trouble with him -- did you ever meet Jess? LORELAI: Oh yes, I did. LIZ: I tell you, he was hell on wheels. I couldn't do a thing with him. I didn't know what to do, so... LORELAI: Luke fixed it? LIZ: He tried. He wasn't entirely successful. I don't know, maybe if I had sent Jess to him a little sooner... Well, anyhow, Luke did what he could. He always does. He's like my hero, you know. Like one of those Greek gods with the golden helmets and the shields and the sandals. LORELAI: And the little white toga dresses. LIZ: I sound silly. LORELAI: No, you don't. Take it from someone who's run to Luke many a time. He's definitely one of the good ones. Maybe THE good one. LIZ: Yeah, I miss him. I've even been thinking of moving back here. LORELAI: To Stars Hollow? LIZ: Maybe. I've discussed it with my boyfriend. I'm not sure how Luke would like it, but I sure would. Well, I should get going. LORELAI: Sure. LIZ: Well, it was nice to meet you, friend and customer, not wife. LORELAI: Nice to meet you too. LIZ: I'll be sure and give him your message. LORELAI: Don't forget, human popsicle. [Liz drives away.] CUT TO BABETTE'S HOUSE [Babette is pouring drinks for Lorelai and Rory.] BABETTE: Well, I have to tell you this is a real treat having you two girls over, like spur of the moment, I don't know what I did to get so damned lucky. LORELAI: Well, we just realized we hadn't seen you very much lately and we thought "Hey, today is the perfect day to catch up with Babette." RORY: Oh, yeah, the perfect day. BABETTE: Well I am tickled pink. Here you go-- hot cocoa. RORY: Thanks, Babette. LORELAI: Ahh, we don't deserve such treatment. BABETTE: Of course you do -- two young hotsy-totsies like yourselves hanging out with an old bird like me. You deserve a lot better. So, you kids going to the Firelight Festival tonight? RORY: You bet. LORELAI: We're going to be late though because we have to make a pit stop at one of my mother's charity events. BABETTE: Ooh, sounds ritzy. LORELAI: Like the cracker. BABETTE: Well, the festival should be quite a shindig. Just watching Kirk trying to get those stars hung was worth the price of admission. You know, he insisted on demonstrating the correct way to hang 'em and treed himself. It took the fire department and two cans of tuna to get him down. RORY: I hate that I missed that. BABETTE: Plus, the whole town is buzzing about Jess coming back. Stupid little pisher, trying to sneak out of town without anyone knowing. This town, what is he kidding? Oh, I'm so sorry, sugar. Here I am, going on and on about Jess. RORY: It's fine, Babette. I'm fine. LORELAI: She's fine. BABETTE: You sure? RORY: Yes. I'm sure. LORELAI: She's fine. RORY: I saw him. LORELAI: Who? BABETTE: Jess? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: When? BABETTE: Where? RORY: Today at Weston's. LORELAI: He went into Weston's? BABETTE: That little b*st*rd. LORELAI: What happened? RORY: I went in, he saw me and he left. BABETTE: No! LORELAI: He said nothing? RORY: No, he said something. He said, "I'm leaving." LORELAI: Way to state the obvious. RORY: It was so weird. I mean, he's the one who left town. He's the one who didn't call and now he just gets up and walks out like he's mad. LORELAI: What does he have to be mad about? RORY: Exactly! I should be mad. It's my town. I should be the one to walk out in a huff. BABETTE: You still stuck on him, honey? RORY: No, I'm not. I just wasn't expecting him to come back, that's all. LORELAI: He'll be gone soon. RORY: Yeah, I know. He'll be gone soon. BABETTE: Oh my God, I forgot the marshmallows! RORY: He'll be gone soon. CUT TO STREET OUTSIDE LUKE'S DINER [Kirk is chasing some kids down the street.] KIRK: Mayday! Mayday! The Morrison kids have stolen the bonfire again! I repeat: the kids have stolen the bonfire again! [Luke walks in his diner.] LUKE: Cesar, I'm back. What did you burn? Liz! LIZ: Luke, hi! LUKE: What are you doing? LIZ: I just needed some things. LUKE: Steaks? LIZ: Yeah. LUKE: You needed steaks? LIZ: Well, I'm making dinner upstairs and you don't have anything. LUKE: Then go to a store. LIZ: Oh, come on, a couple of steaks. What's the big deal? LUKE: The big deal is, I run a diner. I sell food, that's how I make my living. It's how I can afford all this. LIZ: Oh, you can spare a couple of things. LUKE: How do you know what I can spare? That's a whole pie. LIZ: It's a peach pie. Nobody eats the peach. LUKE: A lot of people eat the peach. LIZ: I'll buy a pie tomorrow. Tonight I'm making a feast for my guys. LUKE: Your guys? Who are your guys? LIZ: You and T.J. LUKE: T. J.? LIZ: Yep, you're really gonna like him. He's upstairs right now waiting for us and he-- LUKE: Upstairs in my apartment? You left some guy named T.J. alone in my apartment? Ah, Liz! LIZ: I've been gone twenty seconds. LUKE: That's all it takes. LIZ: To do what? Steal the singing "Be Happy" Bass? LUKE: Hey, that is my singing "Be Happy" Bass and it had better still be up there, including the batteries. CUT TO LUKE'S APPARTMENT [Luke walks in. T.J. has his back to the door.] T.J.: Hey, I thought I'd make chili. [T.J. turns around and sees Luke.] You are not Liz. LUKE: Already smarter than the last guy. [Liz walks in with the groceries.] LIZ: Hi, baby. Look what I found downstairs. T.J.: You must be Luke. LUKE: I think she's talking about the steaks. LIZ: I was not talking about the steaks. This is my "Him." This is my guy. This is T.J. T.J.: Guess what it stands for? LUKE: What? T.J.: T.J. Guess what it stands for? LUKE: I don't know. T.J.: Just guess. LUKE: I can't. T.J.: Come on. LUKE: Thomas Jefferson? T.J.: No. Thomas Jefferson? Wowl, that's a weird guess. LUKE: Okay, you know, I've gotta go back. LIZ: Oh no, come on, Cesar's there, sit down. T.J.: You want a beer? LUKE: You mean one of my beers out of my fridge? Sure, why not. T.J.: Coming right up. LIZ: Oh, I'm so excited. My two favorite guys are here with me, drinking, talking... T.J.: And soon, there will be chili. [Jess comes in.] JESS: I forgot something. LIZ: Oh my God, this is freaky. It's like fate. Jess didn't know we were here. I had no idea that Jess would come by and now look at us together. All the men in my life are drawn here to me. This is positive. This means something. Do you feel it? T.J.: I sure do. LIZ: Baby, this is my kid. This is Jess. Jess, this is T.J. T.J.: Guess what it stands for. JESS: No. LIZ: Oh, you'll stay for dinner. JESS: I've gotta go check on my car. T.J.: Come on, we're making a ton of food. There's beer. LUKE: My beer. JESS: I'm not hungry. LIZ: Oh please, stay for a little while. I think you guys are really gonna get along great. [Jess sits down reluctantly.] LIZ: Oh, T.J. is really enjoying Stars Hollow. Aren't you, baby? T.J.: Oh yeah, this place is great. It reminds me of New York. JESS: How? T.J.: You know. LUKE: Neither one is in space. T.J.: No, that's not it. LUKE: Of course not. T.J.: There's an energy, right? LIZ: There is. I feel it. A very similar energy. T.J.: Liz showed me your old house and your school. Like the picture of you in the shorts. LIZ: My brother was very big in athletics in his day. And the ladies loved him. Ask Carrie. They went out. LUKE: Crazy Carrie and I did not go out. LIZ: They just made out. LUKE: We did not make out. We did not go out. We did nothing that involved the word out. T.J.: I think he's still hung up on her. LUKE: A lightening bolt, please. JESS: I gotta go. LIZ: Oh, okay, but come back after you've checked your car. We'll save you some food. You look good. Handsome. T.J.: If I was some girl, I wouldn't kick him out of bed. LIZ: Come back, okay? JESS: Okay. T.J.: Yeah, if you do, I'll draw your portrait on my Etch-A-Sketch. LUKE: Hey, can't miss that. JESS: We'll see. LUKE: Hey, Jess wait a sec. [Luke and Jess go out in the hall. Liz waves goodbye.] LUKE: So, wow. JESS: Yep. LUKE: Well, if I had to pick anyone in the world for my sister to be with, that guy would definitely be his cab driver. JESS: I don't know. He had a certain something. LUKE: Yeah, lack of chromosomes. JESS: That sounds right. LUKE: So, what do we do? JESS: About what? LUKE: About that, them, him. JESS: Nothing. LUKE: Where are you going? JESS: To check on my car. LUKE: But Jess, don't you think that we should discuss this? JESS: Discuss what? LUKE: T.J. JESS: I thought we just did. LUKE: But we didn't come up with a solution. JESS: A solution to what? LUKE: Are we having the same conversation? A solution to him. JESS: A solution would have been birth control. Too late, move on. LUKE: Jess, we have to do something about this. JESS: Like what? LUKE: I don't know. We have to say something. JESS: Like what? LUKE: He's a grown man with an Etch-A-Sketch! JESS: So shake him real hard. Maybe he'll disappear. LUKE: Oh come on. What, do you like this guy? JESS: Of course I don't like this guy. I don't like any of the guys, but she's gonna do what she's gonna do. LUKE: No, I do not accept that. We can go to Liz together. We can tell her-- JESS: She does not care what we think. She really doesn't care what I think. I've got nineteen years of proof to back me up. LUKE: Yes, she does. You just have to find the right angle with Liz. JESS: Can I go please? LUKE: No, you can't go. We have to fix this. I cannot watch her throw her life away again with a loser again. JESS: You see, this is your problem. You're going to help people whether they want it or not. You have to fix everything. You have to fix everyone. You think it makes you a good guy, but really, it just makes you a pain in the ass. You make it so that when people fail you, you get to feel like the martyr and they get to feel like not only did they screw up, but they also disappointed you. You interfere and you make everything worse. No one is asking for your help. No one wants your help. Focus on your own life and leave everyone else alone. [Jess goes down the stairs.] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW STREET [Kids have taken the walkie-talkie from Kirk and are passing it around while Kirk tries to catch it.] KIRK: Give it back! Give it back! I mean it! I'm in charge here guys! Come on! Give it back! I need that! [Rory goes in the bookstore.] RORY: Hey, Andrew. Can you track these down for me? They're all out of print. ANDREW: You got it. RORY: Thanks. [Rory goes around a shelf to look at the books. Jess is sitting down against the wall reading. When he sees her, he puts the book down, gets up and leaves. Rory sighs.] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai comes in the house] LUKE: Ow! Damn it. LORELAI: Hello? [She walks in the living room. Luke is standing at the broken window.] LORELAI: Oh, Luke. LUKE: Oh yeah. Hey. LORELAI: How did you get in here? LUKE: You left your bedroom window open. LORELAI: My bedroom window is on the second floor. What did you do? LUKE: Well, I promised to fix your window, so I'm here to fix your window. LORELAI: Oh, my God, you cut yourself. LUKE: Glass was broken. LORELAI: Hence the need for fixing. I'm sorry. Are you drunk? LUKE: I am not drunk. I do not get drunk. LORELAI: Huh. LUKE: I had some beer-beers. More than one. A few. And then I came here and I climbed your tree. LORELAI: Well, good thinking. LUKE: And then I fell out of your tree. LORELAI: Hm, sit down. LUKE: I landed flat on my back. I felt like Kirk. LORELAI: Hold your hand up in the air. LUKE: And then I climbed back up the tree. This time I made it. I got in. Sorry about the lamp. LORELAI: You know, Luke, you could have broken your neck. LUKE: You know, it would have been all right if I had. I would have fixed it because that's what I do: I fix things. Even when they don't want to be fixed. LORELAI: Let me see your hand. LUKE: Why? LORELAI: Because it is bleeding and I need to look at it. [Luke shows her his hand.] Ew! Gross! LUKE: It's fine, leave it. LORELAI: I can't leave it, it's cut. LUKE: That's my wrist. LORELAI: Ah, sorry. LUKE: You're very good at this. LORELAI: I don't like blood okay? LUKE: So leave it alone. LORELAI: No, I can't leave it. [Lorelai puts a Band-aid on the cut.] Do you want to tell me what happened? LUKE: Nothing. [Luke gets up from the couch.] LORELAI: What are you doing? LUKE: I'm going to fix the window. LORELAI: Forget the window. LUKE: I can't forget the window. I made a promise and I'm the reliable guy who helps everybody out whether they like it or not. LORELAI: What? LUKE: Oh, yeah. Nothing I can do about it, just the way I am. It is my big problem. Didn't know it was my big problem until today, but now I know. It is my big problem. [Luke looks at his hand] Got a handful of Barbie. LORELAI: Luke, what happened today? LUKE: Today I found out what a big, dumb, idiot guy I am. Just an imposing, judgmental know-it-all who blows around yelling and complaining and screwing up everybody else's life. LORELAI: I hardly think you're-- LUKE: I'm dumb. Yeah, not like Jess. Jess is smart. You know, he doesn't care about anybody else's life. He just takes care of himself. LORELAI: Did you and Jess have a thing? LUKE: He informed me that I am nothing but an unwelcome burden to everyone around me. LORELAI: Luke, that's not true. LUKE: Yes, it is. LORELAI: Luke, stop it. Liz was just saying today how grateful she is to have you as her brother and how much she looks up to you. LUKE: You talked to Liz? LORELAI: I thought she was you. LUKE: I'm a man. LORELAI: Well, she was in your truck. LUKE: When I'm in my truck, I'm still a man. LORELAI: I couldn't see who was driving, okay? I went over the truck and we met and we started talking. LUKE: You shouldn't have talked to Liz. LORELAI: She worships you. She said she even wants to move to Stars Hollow so she can be closer to you. LUKE: She didn't say that. LORELAI: She did say that. Jess is an unhappy kid, Luke. He's angry. He doesn't mean the things he says. LUKE: He did me a favor. LORELAI: Listen, why don't you hang out here and rest for little while, okay? We'll get you a real bandage. LUKE: I like the Barbie ones. LORELAI: Yes, honey, but the other kids will beat you up if they see you with one of those. I'll be right back. LUKE: Hm. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO GYPSY'S GARAGE JESS: You sure I can't help you? Can I hand you something? You know, it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to run. GYPSY: Just curious--have you noticed since you started standing there, there's been a lot less of the clinking sounds? And the clinking sounds are the sounds tools make when they fix things. JESS: You've been fixing this car for hours. GYPSY: And I'm not done, so, back off. [Lorelai crosses the street.] LORELAI: Jess! GYPSY: Hey, she sounds mad. LORELAI: You've been here less than twenty-four hours and already I wanna kill you. JESS: What did I do to you? LORELAI: All the crap you said to Luke-- JESS: What crap? LORELAI: A man who has done nothing but support you and try to help you. JESS: I don't know what you're talking about. LORELAI: You do know what I'm talking about. Don't act stupid. Why would you do that? What an incredibly insensitive, mean-spirited-- JESS: Oh, drop it. This has nothing to do with Luke. This is about Rory. LORELAI: This is not about Rory. This is about Luke. Don't you have an ounce of sensitivity in that thick head of yours or are you so mad at the entire world that you don't care who you hurt? JESS: And I suppose we're still not talking about Rory? LORELAI: Wow, second "Rory" in ten seconds. You sure have Rory on the brain. I wonder why that is. JESS: You started this! LORELAI: Is that why you came back here? Are you still hung up on her Jess ? Is that why you came back? JESS: No. LORELAI: Good. Because she is over you. She has moved on and she is very happy. JESS: [to Gypsy] Please hurry up so I can get the hell out of here. LORELAI: I second that. CUT TO THE CHARITY DINNER [Lorelai and Rory walk into the room where the charity dinner is being held.] LORELAI: Wow. I wonder where Demi and Ashton are sitting. RORY: I think we're late. LORELAI: We're not late. RORY: Grandma said dinner starts at six. LORELAI: Yeah, well that means seven. RORY: In what universe? LORELAI: They invite you at six knowing you won't be here until seven so dinner won't start until eight. Actually we're early. Oh, there they are. Hey. Hi Mom. Oh, that's a bad face. RORY: Told you we were late. EMILY: What is Rory doing here? RORY: Hi, Grandma. EMILY: You weren't supposed to bring Rory. LORELAI: You're really helping the kid's self-esteem here, Mom. EMILY: You don't know one man that would be willing to spend the evening with you? LORELAI: I thought you liked Rory. EMILY: We do like Rory but we're short of men. LORELAI: Well so am I. EMILY: Honestly, Lorelai. It's not your looks that keep them away. Think about that. RORY: Excuse me, should I stay, or--? EMILY: Of course you should stay. We can't do anything about that now. Come on, come on... [She leads them to the table.] LORELAI: So on a wigged-out level of one to ten, Mom is at-- RORY: Frances Farmer? LORELAI: Yeah. RICHARD: Rory, what are you doing here? EMILY: Lorelai couldn't find a man. LORELAI: You weren't specific, Mom. You didn't say, "Bring a man." EMILY: And if I had, you would have been able to find one? Rory, sit over there. Marjorie, Shawna, this is my daughter Lorelai and her daughter Rory. This is Marjorie and Shawna. LORELAI: Hi. RORY: Hello. [They sit down.] LORELAI: [Whispers to Emily] Who are Marjorie and Shawna? EMILY: [Whispers back] Richard and Jason's secretaries. Dull girls, like two rolling pins sitting across from you, but we were desperate. JASON: Hello, Emily, Richard. RICHARD: Ah, Jason. EMILY: You're late, Jason. JASON: I know, I'm sorry but I got hung up talking to Feriman in the lobby. RICHARD: Feriman is here? JASON: Yes, and he's three drinks ahead of everybody else. RICHARD: Oh, marvelous. EMILY: No, don't sit there! JASON: Oh. EMILY: Sit next to Lorelai. Rory move over. LORELAI: Why? EMILY: You two, pretend you're together. LORELAI: What? RICHARD: Emily, good idea. EMILY: Shawna, Marjorie, for God's sake, look like you belong here. [They helplessly try to smile and please her.] Oh yes, that's much better. [Rory points at the empty chair besides her.] RORY: So who else is joining us? EMILY: No one. We brought one of Richard's coats to hang over the chair. RICHARD: We're saying it's Marjorie's husband. EMILY: He's making the rounds and at about eight he'll get sick and have to leave. RICHARD: Does everybody understand the story? LORELAI: I think so. But then we'll have to hide his jacket. So I suggest I put it under my dress and pretend to be pregnant, then Jason can pretend to be the doctor, then Rory can dig a tunnel, and -- EMILY: I might have known you'd turn this into something ridiculous, Lorelai. RORY: Yeah, I wanna be the doctor. EMILY: Oh good Lord. And Jason, move closer to Lorelai. And for God's sake, you two, at least act like you like each other. [Jason takes Lorelai's hand. Lorelai clears her throat.] JASON: Hey, your mom said. CUT TO LUKE'S DINNER. [Luke is doing paper work at the counter. T.J. walks in.] T.J.: Hey, there you are. LUKE: Yes here I am, at my job. Will wonders never cease? T.J.: Major party happening outside. LUKE: So I hear. T.J.: You gotta see it. LUKE: Well, I'm sure you can see enough for the both of us. T.J.: Big fire, crazy punch, too. Seriously, man, come on out. You won't believe it. LUKE: No, T.J., actually, I will believe it, because, see, I live here, so I've seen this festival, oh let's say, about five thousand times. T.J.: Yes, I see your point. Okay, well, Liz and I are taking off right after the festivities, so maybe you can come out and say sayonara. LUKE: I'll come out as soon as I can. T.J.: Great. How long do you think? LUKE: How long I think what? T.J.: How long do you think you will be doing that? LUKE: I don't know. T.J.: Looks like you're almost done. LUKE: Well I'm not. T.J.: The stack is getting pretty small. LUKE: Look, I will be out soon, okay? T.J.: Okay. I am going to hold you to that. LUKE: I consider myself warned. [T.J. leaves] CUT TO CHARITY DINNER SPEAKER: The importance cannot be overstated. Language is humanity's lifeline. That is why I thank each and every one of you for your loyal support of the Ephram Wordus Rare Manuscript Acquisition Foundation. Because without it, we would just be stuck rooting around Nag Hammadi. [Audience laughs.] LORELAI: Psst! I don't get it. RORY: Me neither. LORELAI: You go to Yale. RORY: Well, I skipped Obscure Manuscript Humor 101. LORELAI: [To Jason] Hey, why was that funny? JASON: No -- no idea. LORELAI: You were laughing. JASON: Take a poll. No one in this room has any idea what this crazy old man is talking about. LORELAI: What a bunch of poseurs. SPEAKER: ...hundreds of literary artifacts which might otherwise have been lost. JASON: How far do you think we can push this? LORELAI: I'm not sure. JASON: Dancing? LORELAI: Possibly. JASON: Stroll on the terrace? LORELAI: Passable. JASON: Making out in the coat-check room? LORELAI: Oh, that's going to be tricky. SPEAKER: So, once again, I thank you and I hope you all have a lovely evening. [Everyone claps. Richard stands up.] RICHARD: I'm going to go find Feriman. EMILY: I have to say hello to Babe Wellington. LORELAI: Mom, how much longer do Jason and I have to pretend to be together? EMILY: Lorelai, don't do this to me. Until this evening is over, you are together and I don't want to discuss it again. LORELAI: Fine. LORELAI: [to Jason] I just secured us the coatroom. JASON: Let's go. LORELAI: I'm going to make out in the coatroom. Don't eat my chicken. RORY: That's going on your tombstone. FLOYD STILES: Jason. JASON: Oh, hello. I didn't know you'd be here. FLOYD: You look well. JASON: Thank you. How is business? FLOYD: Very good. JASON. I'm pleased to hear. FLOYD: How's your golf game? JASON: Well it certainly can't match yours but I'm catching up. FLOYD: Well, when you're ready... JASON: I'll give you a call. FLOYD: Fine. Good to see you again. JASON: Same to you. [Floyd walks away from the table.] LORELAI: Well, who was that? JASON: My father. RORY: Your father? LORELAI: And you two have met before? JASON: Yes, briefly. I believe there was an Aquaman party involved. LORELAI: Oh, man. This business thing must have been really bad for you guys. JASON: What do you mean? LORELAI: I mean, that was so cold. You talked like you barely knew each other. JASON: Oh, no, no, we've always been like that. LORELAI: You're kidding. JASON: No, actually, asking me about my golf game was actually a little too touchy-feely for me. LORELAI: Wow, who would have thought I would ever put my mother next to someone and think, "warm?" RICHARD: Jason, I just heard your father was here. LORELAI: How could you possibly have found that out this quickly? RICHARD: Well, news travels fast here. People talk. So, what did Floyd say? JASON: Well-- EMILY: Richard, Floyd was just here. LORELAI: We know, Mom, we saw him. EMILY: He came by the table? What nerve. LORELAI: How dare he talk to his son. EMILY: Be quiet, Lorelai. RICHARD: If he's here he must have a motive. EMILY: That's right. He never cared about rare manuscripts before. RICHARD: Hm. He must be trying to get information. JASON: Richard, I don't think he had an agenda. RICHARD: What was his body language like? LORELAI: Well, he was breathing and standing. I think all signs point to alive. RICHARD: What did he ask you about? JASON: He asked me about my golf game. RICHARD: Not the business? JASON: No. RICHARD: Oh, oh, oh. He's tricky. LORELAI: He didn't ask about the business, Dad, okay? RICHARD: I know he didn't ask about the business, Lorelai. That was deliberate. LORELAI: So he wanted to know nothing on purpose? The fiend. EMILY: Please, stay out of it. RICHARD: He is planning something. Jason, I think we should strategize. JASON: Richard, I really don't think-- RICHARD: I have been doing this a lot longer than you have, my boy. If a man like Floyd Stiles comes over to you and does not ask about the business, you can be sure that something very big is coming. JASON: Uh, I guess I have to go. If you'll excuse me, ladies. EMILY: Bye. Nobody was believing you two as a couple anyway. CUT TO STARS HOLLOW FIRELIGHT FESTIVAL [The troubadour performs with a band.] KIRK: [into walkie-talkie] This is Bird Dog One to Bird Dog Two. The southwest corner is secure. JOE: I'm at the southwest corner, Kirk. KIRK: Then where the hell am I? CARRIE: Well, look who finally came out of his cave. LUKE: Oh, Carrie. What a coincidence. CARRIE: You remember Anna, Jill. LUKE: Hello, Anna. Hello, Jill. CARRIE: We just came from the reunion so we're a little tipsy. LUKE: Ah, well, you know, drink water, and take some aspirin before you go to bed. CARRIE: I told them that you're trying to pretend that you don't remember the night. LUKE: I don't remember the night. JILL: I remember the night. ANNA: The whole reunion remembered the night JILL: We all talked about it. LUKE: Terrific. ANNA: Everybody had a crush on Butch Danes in high school. JILL: So serious, so intense. CARRIE: So hot in those tiny little shorts. LUKE: Okay, I should go find Liz. CARRIE: Oh, I'll help you find her. LUKE: Oh, no, I don't wanna break up the party. ANNA: Oh, well, there's always room for a foursome. LUKE: So twenty years later, none of you are married? CARRIE: Oh, no, we're all married. ANNA: Oh, there's Liz. JILL: They're not gonna run out of punch are they? CARRIE: They never run out of punch. LUKE: Oh, okay, well, I should go. CARRIE: Wait, we're all going to the Styx/REO Speedwagon/Journey concert next week. We have an extra ticket if you're interested. LUKE: Oh, wow. If it was just Styx and REO Speedwagon, I'd be there, but Journey freaks me out. Sorry. Enjoy the festival. [Lukes walks away.] T.J. : So there's a line a mile long, the place is going crazy for the earrings. LIZ: Oh, come on T.J. T.J.: Hey, I'm just telling it how it is. The last fair we went, the line was so long it blocked the fruit-ice stand. And traditionally the fruit-ice people are not the nicest people on the circuit but you block their stand and they really go crazy. They threw lemon rinds. But it didn't matter. Most people stayed and they bought plenty. LIZ: Well, people seem to like my stuff. T.J.: We're heading to Minnesota next month. Big fair there. And this time we're unveiling the booth. PATTY: The booth? LIZ: T.J. just built me the greatest booth. You should see it. T.J.: Well, you've gotta have a good booth. It's the first thing people see. Earrings are small. You don't know they're there until you're right up on them, but a booth and a nice sign? A person's standing at the jousting match, they turn around and,"Hey, look at that booth with the nice sign." They come over, take a look at Lizzie's stuff, and bam, they're hooked. PATTY: Well, Luke, nice of you to join us. LIZ: Oh hi, Luke, I didn't see you there. LUKE: Yeah, well, I heard you were leaving right after the festival, so-- LIZ: I'm so glad that you came out. PATTY: See you later, Liz. [Luke and Liz walk away from the group.] LIZ: Can you believe this thing? It hasn't changed one bit since we were kids. LUKE: Yeah, same crazy gathering that Mom would take us to. LIZ: And then Dad after she died. LUKE: He hated it worse than we did. He only took us 'cause Mom liked it. LIZ: Of course, that Founder's Day punch... LUKE: Lethal. LIZ: The first time I ever threw up on booze it was Founder's Day punch. LUKE: That's a nice story. LIZ: Hey, listen, I'm sorry about Jess. LUKE: Boy, that statement could encompass a whole myriad of things. LIZ: I'm sorry I told you I wasn't in touch with him. It's just been the last six months he started calling and he asked me not to tell you, so I was trying to bond or something. I just mentioned the car to him. I didn't know he'd come back here and try to take it. LUKE: It's okay. It's his car and he should have it. LIZ: I'm just trying to make things better with us. LUKE: You should. It's fine. LIZ: I have a feeling about him. I think he's going to be okay. He's kinda like Dad, don't you think? LUKE: Oh, I don't know. LIZ: Oh, I do. I think he's like Dad. I want to thank you for everything that you did for him. LUKE: Well it never hurts to take a shot. At least you know you tried. LIZ: Sometimes things take a while before they sink in. It did with me. Sorry, I'm so boring tonight. I only had one cup of punch. Gary switched us over to club soda after that. LUKE: You're not boring. Who's Gary? LIZ: That's T.J.'s real name. LUKE: T.J.'s real name is Gary? LIZ: Yeah. LUKE: Gary? LIZ: Yeah. LUKE: How the heck did he get - Never mind. I heard him talking back there, Gary. It sounds like things are going pretty good. LIZ: They are. Really good. LUKE: Good, good. LIZ: Oh, hey, wait. I just made these last night. You can give them to your wife. Or Lorelai. Whoever... [Liz hands Luke a pair of earrings.] LUKE: Thanks. LIZ: Well, I'm going get my stuff together. We need to leave soon. Tell Gary I went back to your place. LUKE: I'll do that. [They hug.] LIZ: See you. [Liz walks away.] CUT TO THE STREET [Lorelai and Rory are walking to the Firelight Festival.] LORELAI: Gone for the rest of the night. We're stuck with the rolling pins. God! So boring! RORY: I am starving. LORELAI: What? The possibly beef and some sort of cream sauce did nothing to curb your appetite? RORY: Do you want to start with burgers or do a cart-to-cart attack? LORELAI: Well, there's two of us. I think we can accomplish both goals. RORY: I'm going to get the burgers, you hit the carts. LORELAI: I'll meet you by the bonfire. RORY: Okay. CUT TO THE BONFIRE LUKE: T.J. T.J.: Hi, you're here. Cool. LUKE: Yeah, so, Liz is back at my place getting your stuff, she just wanted me to tell you. T.J.: Okay. Thanks. LUKE: So look, I kind of heard you guys talking, and things seem to be going pretty good for Liz which is different, and a nice change, and I know that you guys are thinking about moving here, and I just wanted you to know, it's okay by me. T.J.: Okay. I didn't realize we needed your permission. LUKE: Oh, no. You don't. Maybe you misunderstood me here. I was just trying to say that I assumed because my sister has a history with guys, you know, that, you know, you were like the others. But, well, you seem like a pretty good guy. T.J.: Thanks. You're a dick. [T.J. walks away from Luke.] LORELAI: So, I just heard the tail end of that conversation and I'm assuming you haven't changed your name to Richard? LUKE: Long, long story. I'll tell you later, but here's a teaser: the word Etch-A-Sketch comes up. LORELAI: I'm hooked. LUKE: You're all dressed up. LORELAI: Just for you. LUKE: You go somewhere? LORELAI: Well, my parents had a charity event and they needed a chair filled and who fills a chair better than I? LUKE: No one comes to mind. LORELAI: So, did Jess leave yet? LUKE: I stopped by Gypsy's earlier and she was just about done then, so probably. LORELAI: No good-byes? LUKE: No. Liz has a feeling about him, though. She thinks he's gonna be fine. LORELAI: He could be. LUKE: Yeah. Oh, hey, here. [He gives Lorelai the earrings Liz made.] LORELAI: Pretty. LUKE: Liz made them yesterday. She wanted you to have them. LORELAI: Oh, great. Well, be sure to tell her thanks for me. LUKE: I will. [They smile at each other and turn towards the fire.] CUT TO GYPSY'S GARAGE [Jess hands money to Gypsy.] JESS: There. GYPSY: Thank you for your business. Do not come again. JESS: Not likely. [Jess gets in his car, finds an envelope with money, and gets out of the car. He stops when he sees Rory standing in line for burgers. They stare at each other for a few seconds.] RORY: I get to leave first! [Rory starts running away.] JESS: Rory, wait! Stop! [He runs after her.] RORY: No, you don't get to walk away! JESS: Hold on! RORY: My town! I leave! JESS: I just wanna--where are you going? RORY: None of your business! JESS: We look like idiots. RORY: I don't care! JESS: Stop running! RORY: Stop following! JESS: Oh, come on! RORY: Go away, I'm leaving! JESS: Rory, stop! RORY: Why? JESS: Because I wanna talk to you. RORY: About what? What do you want to talk to me about? JESS: When did you learn to run like that? RORY: You know, I have actually thought about this moment. A lot. What would Jess say to me I ever saw him again? I mean, he just took off, no note, no call, nothing, how could he explain that? And then a year goes by. No word, nothing, so he couldn't possibly have a good excuse for that, right? I have imagined hundreds of different scenarios with a hundred different great last parting lines, and I have to tell you that I am actually very curious to see which way this is going to go. JESS: Could we sit down? RORY: No. You wanted to talk, so talk. What do you have to say to me? [Jess pauses a second.] JESS: I love you. [Rory stares after him as Jess walks away, gets into his car and drives away.]

Jess' attempts to keep a low profile until Gypsy completes the repairs on his car are put to the test as he keeps bumping into Rory all over town. Taylor puts Kirk in charge of the annual Firelight Festival, and his managerial skills, or lack thereof, place a strain on the preparations. Lane follows Rory back to Stars Hollow and a place on the Gilmore couch for the weekend, but isn't quite ready to face her mother. Emily is in a dither about filling a table at a benefit and enlists the help of Lorelai and Jason, whom she encourages to pretend that they're a couple. Luke is less than impressed by Liz's latest business venture and newly-arrived boyfriend, which prompts Jess to give his uncle an earful about minding his own business. After Lorelai and Liz finally meet, Lorelai gets a renewed perspective on Luke. Liz's high school classmates descend upon her brother and reveal long-held crushes on him. Richard is suspicious when Jason's father greets his son at the benefit and doesn't inquire about the business. Lorelai fixes Luke's broken heart after his confrontation with Jess while Luke fixes Lorelai's broken window. Liz and T.J. end their visit to Stars Hollow, but not before T.J. has a few choice words for Luke. Jess makes a startling confession to Rory before he leaves town.

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[The Potter B&B. Joey is sitting on the couch watching TV when Bessie walks into the room going through some mail.] Host: Katy Mangus, come on down! [Applause and music] Joey: Is that the mail? Bessie: No, Joey. Your grades haven't come yet. Joey: Believe me, grades are the furthest thing from my mind right now. Bessie: You can stop with the nonchalant attitude. I know it's driving you crazy. Joey: Actually, something else is driving me crazy. Bessie: Do you want to talk about it? Joey: Bess, stop bugging me. Bessie: I was talking about Dawson and Jen. Joey: Thank you so much for the reminder, Bess. Now if you don't mind, I would like to get back to enjoying my vacation. Bessie: You should enjoy your vacation, so why don't you get off the sofa and go do something fun? Joey: Just because I'm not in Daytona, participating in some wet t-shirt contest, doesn't mean I'm not having any fun. Bessie: Come on, Joey. When's the last time you did something wild? Joey: I'm wild quite frequently. Bessie: Letting your hair air-dry doesn't count. Joey: I'll run with the scissors later, ok? Bessie: Isn't there someone you can call? Joey: Maybe I'll call Dawson and Jen. Maybe not. [Knock on door] Bessie: hey. Pacey: Hey. I love this place. The Potter B&B. It seems like just yesterday I was dancing in the kitchen with Frederick Fricke. Joey: Aren't you supposed to be dancing in the kitchen with Danny Brecher? Pacey: No, I had to come into town and pick something up. How's the vacation going? Bessie: Behold the human vegetable. Joey: Actually, I'm having a wonderful time. I'm reading, relaxing, watching TV, and totally and completely enjoying myself. Pacey: Well, that's good to hear. I just dropped by to see if you wanted a ride back to Boston, but I will see you there. [Joey's eyes light up] Joey: You're going back to Boston? Pacey: Yeah, I'm leaving right now. [Joey gets up grabs her coat and goes over to grabs Pacey's arm to leave.] Joey: Bye, Bess. I've had a wonderful time. Thank you for everything. I love you. Give Alexander a big kiss for me. [She pulls him out the door]Come on. [Opening Credits] [SCENE_BREAK] [Inside Dawson's Jeep. Dawson and Jen are riding in the on the highway to Capeside, and Jen is going through some pamphlets.] Jen: check this out. You have got to take this class, Dawson. Um, "the Kasdan family: A colloquium in the dynastic rule in Hollywood." Dawson: You really want me to enroll in this local college, don't you? Jen: It sounds like they have an amazing film program, and I think that you'd probably get a lot out of it. Dawson: Ok. Well, I'll think about it later. I just want to savor the significance of this moment. This is the first time I've ever brought a girl home. Jen: [Chuckles] well, I'd hate to ruin the moment for you, but I think that I'm actually going through a rite of passage here, too. This is the first time that I've been brought home. Dawson: Really? Jen: Yeah, usually I get brought to a motel. Dawson: We've already done that. Jen: Yes, we have. Dawson: If you want to do it again, you just let me know. Jen: Why, Dawson leery, I am shocked at your presumptuousness. Dawson: You know, you might not want to do grams while you're running your hand on my thigh, 'cause it's just a little, uh... Jen: I'm sorry. [Radio plays music] [Inside Pacey's Red Mustang. Joey and Pacey are headed back to Boston, and talking to one another.] Joey: of course he ended up with her. I mean, Jen's spontaneous and wild. In the end, guys always end up with the wild girl. I could see it on his face the first time he saw her get out of that taxi. Pacey: You're really gonna have to get past this, Jo. Joey: I'm past it. I'm totally past it. In fact, I rarely even think about them, pace. Pacey: Oh, they just happened to be on your mind right now. Joey: No, actually, I was wondering whether or not this car is yours. Pacey: It is, indeed. All 289 horses. Joey: Where did you get all of these horses? Pacey: You know, I actually have something much more interesting to talk to you about. It just so happens that there's an opening for a waitress at civilization. Interested? Joey: Surely you don't think there's a chance in hell that I'd once again serve food to hungry people. Pacey: All I know is that with your qualifications, Brecher would love you. Joey: Yeah, and after the recommendation I'd get from Mrs. Valentine, the food and beverage industry would not be a career option. Pacey: Hey, speakin' of... Check your grades lately? Joey: Not yet. Pacey: Really? You seem pretty carefree about the whole thing, Jo. Joey: Well, that's me. When it comes to grades, I'm all about the carefree. Pacey: So, you're freakin' out. Joey: No, pace. Sorry to disappoint you, but I've changed. Pacey: Oh, really? Joey: I mean, I took my tests, I did my best, and there's nothing more I can do, so I'm moving on. Pacey: Tell me honestly you're not going to run to the bursar's office as soon as you get home to check on your grades. Joey: You know, there's a fundamental difference between having a thought and actually acting upon it. Pacey: This is true, and there's also a fundamental difference between saying that you're gonna change and actually doing it. [The Leery House. Dawson and Jen pull up the house and Dawson gets out of the jeep first.] Jen: I can't get out. Dawson: I got it. Jen: Thanks. [Sighs] Dawson, what did your mom say when you told her about us? Dawson: Nothing, really. Jen: [Whines] I foresee strangeness on the horizon. Dawson: It can't be as bad as the dinner from hell. Right? Jen: But she's gonna know why we were so late. Dawson: How could she possibly know? [Gale comes outside to see them.] Gale: Ah, you made it. Jen: Hey. Dawson: Hey. Gale: Oh, I was starting to get worried. Dawson: Yeah, well, we stopped for a little while. To get gas. Jen: To rest... And we got some gas. Dawson: Then we rested a little bit. Gale: Uh, honey? Dawson: Yeah. Gale: You're, uh, t-shirt, it's on inside-out. Dawson: Let's, uh, let's eat then. Jen: I'm just a hungry, hungry girl who's traveled a long way today. [Outside Joey's Dorm Room. Joey and Pacey are just walking up to the door.] Pacey: So, what are you gonna do in this place all by yourself for several days? Joey: I'm going to enjoy having my room all to myself. [They open the door to see Audrey sitting on her bed listening to music.] Audrey: Joey?! Joey: Audrey. Audrey: Hey! Did you miss me? Joey: Audrey, what are you doing here? Audrey: Oh, well, I got in last night. God, I am so glad to see you. Ok, this place is deserted. There's no one around, and I'm starving. Pacey: Did you ever consider maybe going to a restaurant? There are a couple of those here in Boston. Audrey: And eat by myself? Please. Joey: I thought you were with your parents in telluride. Audrey: Yeah, we were. But we had this big fight about money, and they even suggested I get rental boots. Can you believe that? Pacey: Well, what's wrong with rental boots? Joey: Hard to coordinate with a hot-pink bunny suit. Audrey: Oh, and get this, I can't give my campus tours anymore. Apparently some woman complained because I was hitting on her son. How was I supposed to know he was in high school? I don't know, you guys. Looks like I might have to get a job. [Joey looks and Pacey and smiles.] Audrey: What? [The Restaurant. Pacey is telling Audrey about the job and what she is expected to do.] Audrey: I am so perfect for this job. I'm basically just gonna have dinner with lots of fun, new people every night. Pacey: No, the job is to bring them dinner, not date them. Audrey: Ok, I know that, but-- people want a little personality with their dining experience. People want good food, professionally served. I love the way everything comes on a "bed of" or "drizzled" with something. It's so thrilling. Listen, um, "grilled fois gras, drizzled with a mango sauterne reduction sauce." I can so sell that. What the hell is fois gras? Pacey: It's fattened duck liver. Audrey: Eww, that's just wrong. Pacey: Oh, you wouldn't say that if you tried it. Trust me, it would blow your mind. Audrey: [Laughs] tell me something. Does this sort of thing usually work with the ladies? Pacey: What sort of thing? Audrey: The "if I'm this passionate about the sensual art of cooking, imagine how good I am in bed" thing? Pacey: Mm-hmm. Audrey: Hmm. Imagine how good you'd do if you actually trimmed your nails. Pacey: Well, I'm a busy guy. Audrey: Hey, you were the one who was talking about professionalism, buddy. [Danny who has been listening in on them, comes over to join them.] Danny: Hey, Witter. Is this your girlfriend? Pacey: No, no. Nooo, this is Audrey. She's here to interview for the waitress position. Audrey: Hi. I really love what you've done with the place. Danny: Welcome aboard, Audrey. Audrey: What? Danny: Welcome aboard? Any woman that can put Witter in his place like that is the kind of woman that I want working for me. Can you start tomorrow? Audrey: Absolutely! Danny: Fantastic. I'll go get you the paperwork. You, young man, make sure that she tastes the fois gras. It's fantastic. Audrey: I love that guy. [The Leery House Living room. Dawson and Jen are sitting together on the couch when Gale comes in with a tray of drinks and snacks.] Gale: Whoops. Oh, it's ok, honey. Dawson: I got it. [Dawson grabs the tray from her, and sets it down on the table.] Gale: Thanks. So, uh, Jen, how's school going? Have you thought about a major yet? Jen: Not really. I'm just-- I'm just trying to take it day by day right now. So, how is the lovely Lili Leery? Gale: She took her first steps the other day. She was, like, so cute. Jen: Aw. Dawson: But you haven't put the baby gate up yet on the stairs. Gale: Honey, I will. Jen: Ok. Jen: Have you met your new neighbors yet? Gale: You know, the people that bought your old house, they just use it as a summer place. It's been boarded up the rest of the year. Jen: It's sort of sad to think of that house all cobwebby. [Telephone rings] Gale: oh, excuse me. Hello? No, it's still leaking? Well, no, I kinda need to get it fixed... Dawson: Wait, the plumber hasn't fixed the leak at the restaurant yet? Gale: Like now. Dawson: Give me that. [takes the phone from her]You were supposed to have that fixed last week. No. Meet me there in 15 minutes. I'll be right there. Gale: Honey, you just got here. Stay with Jen. Dawson: Don't worry about it, ok? I'll be right back. Jen: Ok. [He bends over and kisses her before leaving her and Gale alone.] Gale: So, uh, you two are dating now. [The Bursars office. Joey is in the hallway going from one posting board to another looking for her grades in her classes. She keeps following her SSN for each class to a Grade of A. Then she turns to find the English Lit, grades have not been posted. When she turns to leave, she bumps into Prof. Wilder.] Wilder: ah, my favorite obsessive-compulsive freshman. Joey: Uh, I was just on my way to the library. Wilder: That's on the other side of campus. Joey: No wonder I couldn't find it. Wilder: Heh heh heh. How'd you do? Joey: Uh, so far, 4 as. Wilder: I bet you're looking for this. Joey: Oh. Wilder: Oh? Oh what? Oh, my? Oh, crap? Oh, give me that right this second before I jump out of my skin? You're about to find out the results of months' worth of sweat and labor, and "oh" is all you can say for yourself? Joey: You're having way too much fun here. Wilder: Job perk. [Joey takes the grades and finds that she received an A.] Joey: Oh, my god. Wilder: I take it you're not gonna contest the grade? Joey: No. Heh heh heh. Wilder: You deserve it. [She jumps up and down enthusiastically, and then hugs Prof. Wilder] [SCENE_BREAK] [At the Club. Joey and Audrey are sitting at a table together talking about how she hugged Prof. Wilder after getting her grade.] Audrey: A hug?! What kind of hug? Joey: It was just a hug. Audrey: I'm sorry, but hugging the most gorgeous man on campus could never be just a hug. How long did it last? Joey: I don't know. Audrey: Ok, exactly and precisely, which body parts made contact and where? Joey: Ok, we had s*x. Audrey: Really? Joey: Right there in the bursar's office on the formica. It was wild, passionate, hot, animalistic s*x. Audrey: I hate you. Joey: It was a hug. I was excited. It was an excited hug, so no big deal. Audrey: No kissing at all? You swear? Joey: Audrey, of course not. Audrey: Ok, well, the fact that you can at least hug professor wilder proves that there's still hope for you yet. Joey: Good to know. Audrey: This is our night, Joey potter. We're gonna celebrate. We're gonna cut loose. Tonight, we're gonna kiss some boys. Joey: Which boys? [A guy is walking by, and Audrey stops him.] Audrey: Oh, hi. Excuse me. I know this may sound a little bit forward, but, um, would you kiss my friend here? Guy: Ok. Joey: Uh, you know, I'd love to make out with you, but... Until my tongue completely heals, I--I just think it's too risky. Audrey: There was a piercing incident with-- it was bad. [The guy looks at her weirdly and walks away.] [The restaurant. Pacey is getting ready to leave when Danny stops him.] Danny: I wanna talk to you, Witter. Pacey: Don't worry. I already told Audrey not to show up looking like a showgirl tomorrow to work. Danny: What are you talking about? I like Audrey. She's a good hire. This is about you. How long have you been here? Pacey: All right, look. I meant to tell you about those lobsters. I really did. It just slipped my mind. Danny: It's been almost 6 months since you dragged your sorry ass in here, and since then, you've learned everything from apples to zucchinis and everything in between. Pacey: Maybe you could just cut to the chase and tell me what I did. Danny: You impressed me. Pacey: Well, generally, that's considered a good thing. Danny: Indeed it is, and something that is terribly difficult to do. Pacey: So then you're not chewing me out. Danny: No. I'm promoting you. Which means I'm giving you a 20% increase in your salary. Pacey: Ok, you have to forgive the look of shock on my face, but I'm shocked. Danny: Yeah? Well, wait till you see this. You've done a tremendous job, Pacey. I knew you had the talent when you walked in here, but I wasn't sure you had the character to see it through. It's good work. [Danny throws him a small envelope] Pacey: Ok, seriously. Is there a note in here that says "I'm screwin' with you, Witter"? Danny: Absolutely. Several notes. C-notes. You never came to pick up your holiday bonus. [He opens it to find it filled with several hundred-dollar bills.] Pacey: I didn't know there was a holiday bonus. Danny: Happy belated holidays, chef Witter. I'm glad you stayed. Pacey: Thanks, Danny. Um, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Danny: Witter. Pacey: Yeah. Danny: What is it you wanted to tell me about the lobsters? [The club. Audrey and Joey are walking out onto the dance floor watching the band play.] Audrey: God, I love college life. Why would I ever want to leave all this? Joey: Because at some point, you have to pay off all the loans you're using to finance all of this. Audrey: Ok. No, there will be no pragmatism tonight. I'll have none of it. Only irrational, reckless flights of fancy. Ooh. Speaking of which, now, there is a highly kissable boy. He's cute. [Joey looks up to the band and sees the Bass player that Audrey is referring to.] Joey: Cute? Audrey: Come on, Joey. That guy is gorgeous. Joey: Ok, he's gorgeous and... Familiar. [She recognizes him as Charlie] Audrey: We have to plot some smart, subtle way for you to meet him. Joey: How about I go up to him and say, "aren't you Charlie, the guy who dicked over Jen?" Audrey: That's Charlie? Charlie the jerk? Joey: In the flesh. Audrey: Ooh, such beautiful flesh for a jerk. Jen has good taste in men. I mean... [] Musicians, you know? These guys rock. Joey: I know what you mean. Audrey: No, really. I mean, they've gotten better. I wonder if they remember me from when I sang with them. Joey: Well, you're very hard to forget, Audrey. Audrey: You really think so? Joey: There are few things in life I'm more certain of. Audrey: I'm gonna go talk to them, ok? Joey: Good luck. [Audrey walks away, and Pacey sneaks up from behind to scare Joey.] Pacey: Ra! Joey: [Gasps] Pacey: Ha ha ha ha. So, this is where all the beautiful, smart girls hang out, huh? I gotta start going to these college clubs more often. Joey: You got my message? Pacey: I did indeed. A 4.0. I'm sure you'll do better next semester, Jo. Joey: I'm glad you decided to join us. Pacey: Well, I have something to celebrate tonight. I got a promotion. Joey: That's awesome. [Suddenly Joey recognizes the singer] Hey, I know that voice. Audrey Singing: When they gathered round and started talking cousin Billy would take me walking Joey: Audrey's excited about her new job, and when Audrey's excited about something... Pacey: How did we ever get through high school without that girl? Joey: Lord knows to my surprise. Audrey Singing: The only one who could ever reach me, was the son of a preacher man. the only boy who could ever teach me , was the son of a preacher man. yes, he was, he was, oh, yes, he was being good isn't always easy no matter how hard I tried when he started sweet talking to me he'd come tell me everything is alright he'd kiss and tell me everything is alright can I get away again tonight? The only one who could ever reach me was the son of a preacher man the only boy who could ever teach me was the son of a preacher man yes, he was, he was, oh, yes, he was [cheers and applause] [The Leery House. Jen and Gale are installing a child gate in front of the stair.] Jen: you know, he just-- he loves you and this family and this house so much that... Gale: Sometimes I wonder if it doesn't hold him back from moving forward with his life. Well, he seems to be moving forward with parts of his life just fine. Jen: Parts that you aren't entirely pleased about. Gale: Am I that transparent? Jen: Everything is really nice between us, gale. I really just am kind of crazy about him, and I want him to be happy. Gale: Well, then we both want the same things. Jen: How would you feel if he moved into grams' attic? Gale: Well, I would miss having him around here, but, um, I know that he needs to get a place of his own. Jen: Has he told you about this, um, film school in Boston that he's been looking into? Gale: No, he didn't mention it. Every time I bring up school, he conveniently changes the subject, but I would love it if he went back to school. Jen: Me, too. Gale: So, have you talked to him about it? Jen: Hmm, well, I've danced around the subject. Gale: Oh, no, honey. You can't dance, you gotta really tell him. Jen: I'm just afraid of pushing him into something that's he's not ready for. Gale: No, no. Jen, Dawson has inherited a stubborn streak a mile long from his father. Trust me. You're gonna have to push him. [The club. Joey is standing next to the bar, when the guy from before comes up behind her.] Guy: I just wanted to let you know that we don't have to kiss. There are other things that, uh-- well, hi, um, my name is tom. Joey: I'm sure you're a really sweet guy, and probably a world-class macking master, but my friend over there, she really needs to return to the mother ship. No hard feelings? Male Voice: Can I buy you something to drink? Joey: Clearly, subtext and humor have no effect on stupidity. Would you please leave me [She turns to see that it is Charlie] Charlie: nice. Joey: Do you really think you should bandy about words you don't understand? Charlie: Stop. Just stop. Joey: Stop what? Charlie: The castrating shrew routine. The defense mechanism. Look, I totally understand how a girl who looks like you needs one, but you can drop it around me. All I want to do is meet you and talk a little. Ok. Fine. I'll start. Hi. I'm Charlie. Joey: Charlie, how about we talk about why, out of all of these girls in the entire club, I'm the blessed one. I mean... What is it about me that piqued your interest? Charlie: It's the hair-behind- the-ear thing. You know, that little tuck you do. Look. Sometimes, when I'm having a tough night, I look out into the audience for someone who's really listening. It makes me feel like I'm connecting. And I saw you, standing next to your friend, staring at me. And... I noticed the way you kept tucking your hair behind your ears, like you were trying extra-hard to listen. And I thought to myself, I want to meet that beautiful girl. Joey: So tell me. Does this sort of thing actually work? Charlie: I wouldn't know. I'm not like the rest of these pre-epoch Neanderthals in this place. Joey: No? Charlie: I've never done this before. Joey: Really? Charlie: Yeah. Joey: So, you must've used a different tact with Jen Lindley, huh? Charlie: Hmm. Joey, the smart girl from Worthington. Joey: Charlie, womanizer from Boston bay. Charlie: This is deeply humiliating. Mm. Hey, you can't blame a guy for trying. Joey: No, but you don't have to have a drink with him. [Outside the Leery House. It is night time, and Dawson comes up to the porch to see Jen sitting outside on it waiting for him.] Dawson: Any interest in some make-up s*x? Jen: Oh, I don't know. You look pretty wiped out, pal. Ohh! I don't think you'd be up for it. Dawson: I'm an 18-year-old guy who just lost his virginity. You'd be surprised at what I'm up for. How was your evening? Jen: Well... Most of it was spent talking to your mom. Dawson: Any strangeness? Jen: A little, but... I think that once she realized I was after you for more than your body, she lightened up. Dawson: Please tell me that's not what you guys talked about. Jen: We talked about you... Moving to Boston. A certain attic with your name on it, an attic that would be a really great place for you to study. Dawson: You know I've been thinkin' seriously about that, but right now... It's just not the right time. Jen: Actually, it is, and I'm not the only one who feels that way. Dawson: Ok, when did you and my mom suddenly become close enough to start trading insights about what's best for my life? Jen: [Sighs] sweetie, you're not required to be the husband. Families are complicated. Dawson: It's not that simple. Jen: You think that I don't know that? Dawson: Well, you have to admit you're not the best person in the world to be giving me advice on parents. Jen: That's not fair. Dawson: I'm just stating the facts, Jen. I mean, how can you give me advice about how to deal with my mother when you don't even talk to yours? I appreciate how much you care about...My life, but...If you want to talk to me about how I should live it, we should find a different subject. Jen: I actually don't really want to talk to you at all right now. [Jen looks upset at him, and then leaves him all alone on the porch as she walks off into the darkness.] Dawson: [Sighs] [SCENE_BREAK] [The Club. Audrey and Pacey are playing a game of pool, and several men are gawking at Audrey as she sinks yet another ball.] [Music playing] Pacey: hey! Do you mind? We're trying to have a game here. Audrey: Yeah. We're trying to have a game here. What an annoyance. Pacey: Oh, yes, I can see how annoyed you are. [Audrey then sinks the 8-ball] Audrey: Ok. You rack them, I'll crack them, baby. Joey: Hey! Pacey: Hi. Do you want to play against her? Joey: Ah...No. I'll let you enjoy the indignity. Pacey: Thank you. So, tell me, how long after we left your room today did you run down to the bursar's office to check on your grades? Joey: Ok, I'm an obsessive freak, I freely admit it. There is no hope for me. Pacey: No, that's not true. There is a part of you that knows how to let loose. You just have to... Let her loose every once in a while. Joey: What part? Pacey: The other Joey. The carefree girl who knows how to drink and play strip poker and go away on a sailboat for a summer. The girl who can get up in front of a crowd of complete strangers and sing at a beauty pageant. Joey: Other Joey? Pacey: Yes, the other Joey. The girl who knows better than to let things that are completely out of her control bother her. Joey: Like Dawson and Jen. Audrey: Hey, guys! You wanna know why else I love pool? Because the chalk matches my eye shadow! How cute is that? Joey: You know, I think I'm gonna head over to the bar, and, uh, I'm gonna keep my eyes open for that other girl. Pacey: Right. Well, if you see that girl, would you buy her a drink? Actually, will you buy all of us a drink, on me? [Pacey hands her a Hundred dollar bill] Joey: Sure. Wow, where did you get this kind of money? Pacey: Well...I work for a living. [Joey walks off towards the bar, when Charlie walks up from behind and tries to hand her a drink.] Charlie: I believe this is what you're drinking. Joey: You again? Charlie: Hey, what can I say? I don't give up easily. Joey: You know, helping a girl get a drink doesn't absolve you from cheating on her friend. Charlie: I'm not looking for absolution. I'm looking for a second chance. Joey: Well, Jen is not currently swimming in the available pool right now. Maybe you haven't heard. Charlie: I'm talkin' about you. Joey: A second chance with me? I hadn't realized you ever had a first. Charlie: What exactly did I do that was so terrible? All right, I hit on you. Is that a crime? Please! If there's anything I'm guilty of, it's simply being attracted to you. I never said anything to you that I didn't mean. I think you are beautiful, and truth be told, I think you're drop-dead gorgeous. Joey: What, the whole "I'm just a bass player you can take home to mama" thing didn't work, so now you're using simple flattery? Charlie: Ok, so I made a fool out of myself before. That I'm prepared to do. Joey: Well, good. Because you display quite a mastery at that particular skill. Charlie: Give me as much crap as you want. At least I'm not afraid to take a chance. Joey: What, are you implying that I am? Charlie: When was the last time you took one? Joey: Well, that's none of your business. Charlie: Do they teach classes in uptight at Worthington, or is it just a prerequisite for admission? Joey: I'm not uptight. Charlie: Then why won't you tell me when the last time was you took a chance? Joey: Because I'm not going to recount my reckless behavior for you. Charlie: I bet there's not much to recount. But I'll bet the list of prudish perfectionism goes on and on, ad nauseam. Come on. Joey... The smart girl from Worthington, when was the last time you did something completely and indisputably wild? [The Leery Dock. Dawson is sitting on the end of the pier just looking out into the creek, when his mother comes walking down to join him.] Dawson: Mom, what are you still doin' up? Gale: Oh, I thought I'd come out and get some air. Dawson: And have a little... Heart-to-heart with your son? Gale: Oh, I'm getting really bad at keeping my feelings hidden in my old age. Dawson: You're not old. Gale: It's funny. Before you got here today, I was all worried about what might be going on in my house after I went to sleep tonight, and... Now I seem to be a little worried about what's not going on. Dawson: We had our first fight, I guess. We'll work it out. Gale: Until you really let go of this house, I don't think you will. No, Dawson, until you can start waking up every day and thinking about yourself, I don't think you're ever gonna be able to... Be in a relationship and go to school and begin the life that you deserve to have. Dawson: All right, mom, I plan on doing all those things. I just wanna make sure that you and lily are set first. Gale: You are done. Right now. This is where it ends. Dawson: Mom... Gale: No. It's time. Look, I am probably more guilty than you know. I mean, there's part of me that has loved having you around, but it's just not fair, and it's just not right, and seeing you tonight with Jen, and realizing how much she wants you in Boston, it's made it all clear to me. I mean, the girl is... Head-over-heels smitten with you. She really cares about you and your future. Dawson: I don't know how I would have gotten through all this without her. Gale: Lily and I... We'll be ok. I promise. I'll hire some help around here if I need to. So, Dawson... Go to Boston. Live in that attic. You have been such a help to me in the past few months, I can't even begin to say thank you. I feel the same way about you that I know your father would. Honey, I'm proud of you. Dawson: All right. I got some apologizing to do. Gale: Yeah. You go in there and you tell her how you really feel about her. And if that doesn't work, grovel. It always worked like a charm for your dad. Dawson: Good night. [The Club, Audrey has just beaten Pacey again, and Pacey is getting ready to rack up the balls again.] Pacey: Ok, one last game. Audrey: All right. Loser has to pay the tab. Pacey: Sure thin--hey, speaking of money, where's Joey? Audrey: I don't know. She's been gone a long time. Pacey: All right. Hang out here. I'm gonna go look for her. Audrey: No, wait, wait, whoa! I'm coming with! Pacey: Do you think it's possible she went home? Audrey: I don't know. Maybe she met somebody. We sort of made this pact we were gonna kiss some boys tonight. Pacey: Doesn't sound like a pact that Joey would make. Audrey: Ok, well, I made it without her, but she was there. Pacey: Audrey, listen to that! Listen! Audrey: Oh my god! Are you hearing that, too? [Girl singing, and up on stage they see Joey] Pacey: I think so. Audrey: No, it's not possible! Pacey: Oh, it is possible. Check that out. [Joey is up on stage sinning and takes off her coat and throws it to the side, and begins really getting into the song, singing, jumping and looking like a real rock singer in stage.] Joey Singing: I'm begging you to beg me I want you to want me oh, my god! Audrey: That can't be the same girl that sleeps in my room! Who is that girl?! Pacey: That is "other Joey." Audrey: Whoo! I can't believe it! Joey Singing: I'll shine my own brown shoes I'll put on a brand-new shirt I'll make all my rhythm work if you say that you love me didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying? Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying? I feel that I'm alone without a friend you know, you feel like dying oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying? I want you to want me I need you to need me whoo! I love you to love me I'm begging you to beg me I want you to want me I want you to want me I want you to want me I want you to want me! Aah! Audrey: Oh, my god! [Applause] [cat calls] Audrey: Joey, you're my hero! [Joey leaves through the back of the stage and stops laughing to herself about what she just did, when Charlie come off the stage to join her.] Charlie: Whoo! Joey, that was amazing! Absolutely, positively amazing! I honestly had no idea you had that in you! Joey: Then you probably don't know I have this, either. [She grabs him and gives him a huge kiss.] [SCENE_BREAK] [The club, behind the stage. We pick up where we left off from the kiss, and Joey pulls back away, and Charlie is still shocked.] Joey: don't ever call me uptight! [Audience screams] [Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson comes into his room to see Jen standing by the window in her pajamas.] Dawson: you are so beautiful. Jen: Ok, apology accepted. Dawson: Just like that? I had, like, a very impassioned speech. Jen: Yeah, I don't really need it. Dawson: I'm prepared to grovel. Jen: Nope. Dawson: Wow, I'm gonna have to remember that tact for the future. Jen: You're right. Umm... I don't have any firsthand experience with what you're going through. Nearly no one I know does. Dawson: And you're right. It's time I moved into that attic. Jen: We can decorate! [Jen looks out the window at grams' old house. Dawson comes up and wraps his arms around her from behind] Jen: Mmm. God, it's so weird. Dawson: What's that? Jen: It's so weird how things work out. All those years living right next door to each other, but... We had to move away to a different city to get together. Mmm. Too bad we never got together over there. Dawson: That would have been fun. Jen: Well, you know what grams says: No regrets. Dawson: Jen, I hate to break it to you, but that house does not belong to you anymore. Her house will always belong to me. [The club. Audrey and Pacey are walking around looking for Joey.] Pacey: I wonder where the little rock star wandered off to. Audrey: Oh, maybe she went home. Pacey: No, Joey wouldn't leave without telling me. Audrey: Maybe she met someone. Pacey: [Laughs] Joey potter, leave with a guy? Do you have any idea what it would take for that to happen? Audrey: [Chuckling] Ohh. Um, I'm-- you know what? I totally forgot, but, um, before we left tonight, Joey said that she might have to go home early... To study. Pacey: To study for what? She doesn't even have classes to study for. Audrey: You know our Joey-- little miss perfect. [They leave, without ever seeing Joey who is sitting on the stage, and Charlie walks up to join her.] Charlie: You need a ride home. Joey: I don't need anything. Charlie: Unless you and the janitorial staff have some kind of unexpected bond. I think your friends have left. Come on. Let me give you a ride on my motorcycle. I'll take you anywhere you want to go. What? Making a fool out of myself again, huh? Joey: No, of course you have a motorcycle. Charlie: What's that supposed to mean? Joey: Of course you don't understand. Charlie: Hey, it's a Harley. Joey: I'm sure it is. [Inside Grams' old house. Jen and Dawson are wrapped naked together in a blanket by the fireplace. They have broken into the place and made love in front of the fireplace.] Dawson: Jen, you think living under the same roof is gonna screw everything up? Jen: Not if you quickly learn to deal with the toilet seat. Dawson: I'll talk to jack. Jen: Mmm, that sounds good. I've never really dated somebody that I knew and liked and trusted, so... Dawson: Sounds like you got yourself in a healthy relationship. Jen: Hmm. Sounds like it. So when do you think the fun stops in a healthy relationship? Dawson: I have no idea. But I think we're gonna have a blast finding out. [Outside the School Dorms. Pacey is dropping Audrey off outside her dorm room.] Audrey: Thanks for the ride, Pacey. This is an awesome car. I really had fun tonight. Pacey: Yeah, me, too. Audrey: I mean, it's so much more fun hanging out with you than, like, some hot guy I'd want to date. Pacey: Well, thanks, I think. You want me to walk you back to your dorm room? Audrey: No, that's ok. All right. There's tons of security guards on campus during break. I'm totally safe. Fact, I bet Carlos is in the hall right now. [Gasps] wonder if his wife had the baby yet? Pacey: Pretty chummy with the guys who work here over break for someone who just got back last night. Audrey: Yeah. Well, that's me, you know. Chummy Audrey. Pacey: Mmm. You never went home, did you? Audrey: I really did get into a big fight with my parents about money. It was just a little bigger than I mentioned. Ok? It was a lot bigger. Uh, don't tell Joey, ok? I know it sounds kind of weird, but...Sometimes there are things that you don't even want the people who are close to you to know about. Pacey: Heh. It doesn't sound weird to me. In fact, I may understand better than you think. 'Cause you see this beautiful piece of metal and machinery in front of you? Audrey: Yes. Pacey: This has sat in the police impound in Capeside for 3 months. And my father just gave it to me. 'Cause he said that he wanted someone who deserves it to have it. And he actually told me that he was proud of me. It's the first time in my entire life I have ever heard him say those words. He's proud of me. Audrey: But? Pacey: Even if it's true, how long could it possibly last? Well, I won't tell anyone. Audrey: Ok. Pacey: Ok. Parents are strange creatures. Audrey: Heh heh. I know. From another planet, right? Pacey: Good lord. Audrey: Hey, Pacey... Pacey: What was that for? Audrey: The pact that Joey and I made. I know she's not gonna do it. I figure one of us should. I hope you don't mind. Pacey: Rarely do I mind being kissed by a beautiful woman. Audrey: Ok. Well, I will see you at work tomorrow. Pacey: Yes, indeed. Audrey: You know what? I look forward to it. Pacey: Yeah. Excellent. [Car engine starts] [A street on the way home from the Club. Joey is walking alone, when Charlie come up to her on his motorcycle.] Charlie: hey, come on. Let me give you a ride. Joey: I prefer to walk. Charlie: You're gonna walk all the way home in this cold? Joey: Sure. Charlie: Wouldn't you rather take a ride someplace? Someplace warm? Hey, come on. I know there's a part of you just dying to get on this bike and ride off with me. If there isn't... Then what was that kiss back there all about? Joey: Ok. Maybe... Just maybe there is another part of me, another girl that lives deep inside of me, and maybe every once in a while she lets loose and does things that might blow some people's minds. But, Charlie... If you ever mention her or anything she might have done tonight to another person... I'll completely deny knowing anything about her. Charlie: It was fun hanging out with you for a night, Joey. The smart girl from Worthington. Joey: Good night, Charlie. [Motorcycle engine starts]

Dawson's first day in his new film school arrives. Oliver (an acquaintance from the Hooksett festival) starts showing him around and wastes no time in asking Dawson to direct a movie he wrote. Reluctant to direct someone else's work, Dawson starts giving notes to Oliver on the script, and ends up accepting the job, thanks to Jen's incentive. Jen has problems of her own. Her current state of happiness from her relationship with Dawson is reflecting in her on-air performance. Now she has to go back to the sharp-tongued, edgy advice she used to give instead of the romantic, love-themed offerings. Elsewhere, Jack is on academic probation. Irritated, he goes out and has a few too many drinks, which results in a fight with his fraternity brothers.

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Anne: Father? [Gasps] Increase: Take her to the cage. Gloriana: Cotton! Cotton! Emily: Hello, father. Man: You'll be sold still, if the whores will have you. Emily: I'm not going anywhere. Cotton: I'm sorry. Gloriana: [Crying] Increase: Take her as far as your steeds will travel. Cotton: Tell us, Mercy. Tell us what you saw. Mercy: She held a spider to her neck. She seemed to feed it. Increase: You. I hereby arrest you... On the charge of witchcraft. Guards. [Indistinct conversations] [Horse whinnies] [Gasps] [Groaning] Your wrath burns like fire. You look upon me as worthy of nothing. You are of purer eyes than to bear to have me in your sight. [Groans] I am 10,000 times more abominable in your eyes than the most hateful, venomous serpent is in mine. [Groans] My wickedness makes me as heavy as lead, and if you should let me go, Lord, I will plunge into the bottomless pit, and all my righteousness would have no more influence to uphold me and keep me out of hell than a spider's web would have to stop a falling rock. [Groaning] [Wheels creaking] Dollie: Any last words for your father? Emily: May the Devil be as kind and considerate to you as you were to me. [Grunting] I miss Mercy. Dollie: Our Mercy is always with us. Perhaps that's one of her servants now, watching over us and weaving its web of destiny. Mary: Mercy... Mercy... You cannot hide from me in my own house. Mercy: [Sobbing] Mary: Why did you do it? How could you? Come out from there at once. Mercy: I did it for you. Mary: For me? Mercy: He was coming for me. If I hadn't done anything, it would be you in the house of pain. You should thank me. Mary: Perhaps. But it was not up to you. [Spider crunches] ["Cupid Carries a Gun" plays] Pound me the witch drums witch drums pound me the witch drums pound me the witch drums the witch drums better pray for hell not hallelujah [Horse whinnies] [Door creaks] [Door slams] Anne: There you are. [Bird caws] [Screaming] [Breathing heavily] [Breathes shakily] Hale: I have known Tituba even longer than you have, ever since she was a small child. With all that she has endured in her life, if there is anyone who can hold out, it is she. Mary: "If." Such a small word with such immense consequence for all of us. Hale: You must trust her. She will use the opportunity. Mary: Opportunity? You call torture an opportunity? Hale: The opportunity to divert Increase's attention to where we want it and away from where we do not. Mary: I don't care. I can't bear it, the thought of what he might do to her. I won't stand for it. Increase: Ha. Do you like it? "Truth through pain." I find it a fitting, almost poetic demonstration to the good people of Salem as to what is now expected of them. Hmm? [Goat bleats] Imagine transforming this house of woebegone pleasure into a place of repentance. I understand already they call it my house of pain. Mary: And you approve? Increase: Oh, yes. Yes, indeed, I do. Oh, keeping the pains of hell foremost in one's mind is the surest... Nay, nay, the... The only road to prevent spending eternity there. And how may I help you this fine day? Mary: You keep someone here that belongs to me. Increase: Well, I have very good reason to believe that she belongs to the Devil himself. Mary: Nonsense. I've known her since we were girls. Truth be told, she is not just my servant. She is also my friend. Increase: Well, I wonder, then, becoming befriended by... by one's mistress is perhaps the reason that she went astray. Hmm. Perhaps... Perhaps it is not she, but... but you who could most benefit from being here. Cotton: I think you forget to whom you are speaking, father. Increase: Cotton up and about. Good. No, no. I know this is Mary Sibley, wife of my friend George, under whose under tender care he has mysteriously withered into an invalid. Mary: I resent your implications, sir. Increase: I imply nothing. No, I say outright. At best, I find you to be a weak and irresponsible woman. And at worst... well, let us not even consider the worst. No, no. I shall take responsibility for George and for the slave, Tituba, for the time being. Meantime, I suggest you get you home to Mr. Sibley's house of seven gables. Cotton, to business. [Sizzling] Ah. Tongue tearer. This is for [Shears snip] Snipping the lies from the mouths of those we question. [Shears thud lightly] Skull crusher. Breast ripper. [Chuckles] Both of these are, well, quite aptly, if somewhat crudely, named. Cotton: Father, I once pressed an innocent man to death. There must be a better way. Father, you must know, a tortured prisoner will confess to anything to stop the pain... Anything... true or not! Increase: Yes, that is surely so. But you... you grossly mistake my faculties if you think me fool enough to accept as truth the first pained pourings that invariably come from the tormented lips. Cotton: But, sir, it is a self-evident truth... Increase: I take no truth to be self-evident, save perhaps that whatever acts of horror take place here today are due entirely to your laxity during my absence. [Chuckles] Do not let him mislead you. And abandon all hope of your deliverance by him or by any other agent. Now, what you must do is meditate... On these instruments which you see before you. You must set your mind firmly in pursuit of the goals which you must achieve, that of your survival and your salvation. The heretic's fork. Yes. To keep you attentive and alert during the process. And this... Well, this you surely recognize... Thumbscrews. I believe these to be the simplest, and yet the most effective method of revealing the truth. And so let us begin. Cotton: You employ the very tools of oppression perfected by the inquisition... Tituba: [Sobbing] Cotton: Tools used against good puritans by those who would call us heretics. [Thumbscrews creak] Tituba: [Whimpers] Increase: Fire with fire, my boy. Tituba: [Screaming] [Sheep bleats] Mrs. Hale: Where is she? Where is Anne? Hale: Your foolish daughter has done something exceedingly dangerous. She put my mask on. Mrs. Hale: Well, bring her home this instant. Hale: I cannot. [Object thuds] Only one traveler may use it at a time, and as she has no experience, she will have no idea how to use it in order to get back. The only possible use for it now is as evidence against me. Mrs. Hale: But where has she gone? Hale: To the woods. I shall find her. Mrs. Hale: You, man enough to face Indians... And wolves or the Devils you pretend to command? Hale: There is no alternative. Mrs. Hale: Fine one, for I swear by... By whatever it is you hold holy, if our daughter is not asleep in her own bed this very night, my tongue will wag until you are tied to a stake in the middle of the commons. Hale: Take care, wife. You shall only implicate yourself. Mrs. Hale: Then we will taste each other's ashes. Anne: This is a dream... Nothing but a waking dream. The mask. [Breathing heavily] My father's study. These woods. It's all but a dream. At this moment, I lie [Gasps] upon my bed in my room... At home. Wake up! Wake up! [Panting] It doesn't matter how I got here. I must get back to Salem. East. This way. [Gasps] Alden: What makes you think she's in the woods? Hale: I-I know my daughter, how she thinks and how at times she doesn't. I-I know you feel that I have somehow failed in my duties as... as magistrate to uphold the natural rights here in Salem and that you hold whatever dark suspicions you do about me. But I ask not for myself. For Anne. Alden: Let's go. Hale: Thank you. Alden: You can thank me if we find her... alive. Cotton: Save us from hell, father?! Is that what you're doing... Saving us from hell? Well, too late. Salem is hell, and I am not out of it. I am the creature you have made. I cannot be who you will me to be, yet I lack the will to be anything else. Like that monstrous birth, it were better had I never been born. Though I cannot draw back the sands of time, I can break the hourglass. Goodbye, father. I will make my home in hell and await you there. [Gasps] [Yelling] Weak. Too weak even to snuff this feeble candle. [Sobbing] Increase: Well, you're wonderful. Quite remarkable. You've named at least half the people in the village. Of course, none of them are witches. The fact that you offer them up so eagerly attests to that. But you made great progress. We are working our way through the lies. [Chains jingle] Very soon, we will come to that precise moment when the agony will be so unendurable that even a-a loyal servant of the prince of lies can lie no longer. Ah. This tool... It is called the choke pear, although I have heard it called the pear of anguish. Tituba: [Cries] Increase: It is inserted into the darker cavities and then... [Device creaking] Opened up, with the expectation that the subject, too, will open up. Now, tell me the real names. Cotton: My father, who art in Salem, hollow be thy name. Thy kingdom's done, your will I shun, on earth... As in the hell you'd make of heaven. [Breathing heavily] [Demonic moaning] The Devil himself come to take me. Take me, Devil. I should have lived every hour on earth as if it were my last. And now it is. [Demonic moaning] [Shrieks] [Yells] Out of death comes life. I see now, Lord, that is your true face. [Gasping] [Laughs] Oh! [Laughs] Tituba: [Breathing heavily] You cannot know what I have done or who I have served until you know why. Increase: So... Then tell me. Why? Tituba: For justice. I am not a witch. I am not a puritan. I am of the Arawak tribe... Or I once was. But I close my eyes, and I can still see the green of my jungle and the deadly white of the Englishmen's faces. I had never seen skin like that, so white when we see them walking towards us, we think they are ghosts. Increase: Slavers. Tituba: They slaughtered many of our men, chained the rest, and have their way with the women. I am too young to be of use to them, but my mother and sisters are not. And they forced me to watch. Later, in chains, I look back, and they're burning the huts of my village, and I see two red eyes staring back at me, out of the trees. And the red eyes speak to me, "Tituba, you are mine." Increase: Satan speaks to each of us in our own native tongue. And now shall we continue? [SCENE_BREAK] Alden: Someone came through here quite recently... Someone who didn't know where they were going... And moved erratically, as if lost or... Cotton: [Urinating] [Laughs] Alden: Cotton! What in the hell? Alden: Oh, not Hell, Johnny, nor Heaven. Just Earth... Glorious, glorious Earth. Hale: I fear the Reverend has gone mad. Alden: Cotton, get your drunk ass down here. Cotton: No, sir, I will not. I can see far more clearly from here. In fact, I can see everything. God himself walks among these woods, trailing clouds of animal glory. Alden: What happened to you? Cotton: I took my boots off. Alden: Yeah, so? Cotton: So, I felt the earth! I felt the raw, sacred earth beneath my naked feet. I felt the earth breathe. Alden: Go home. If your great insight is real, it will be just as real in your chambers and a whole lot safer. Cotton: The forest air and this... Sturdy tree are my teachers now. Hale: We haven't time for this. Cotton: I still have much to learn! [Bellows hissing] [Poker sizzles] Increase: When exactly did you sell your soul to the Devil? Tituba: My body was bought and sold many times, but never my soul, not until I came to Salem. I am a child in a cage, given less to eat than the animals on the ship. I fear I will never see the sun again. And then a man comes. It was he that brought me to Salem, only to be bought and sold again. I am sold from hand to hand, from man to man. But at least I am no longer in a cage. And my final owner is not cruel. The wolcotts give me a bed to sleep in. Their girl child, Mary, treats me almost like a sister. But still at night, I weep for my mother, and I ride a river of tears out of my straw bed, into the dark woods. Increase: The dark woods? Who do you meet in the dark woods? Tituba: The kenaima. He has come to save me... Save all of us. He draws to him all who hurt, all who hide, all who hate, all who thirst for justice, gathers us into the circle and promises us a leader, a savior, one who will crush our enemies with a mighty fist. And he keeps his promise. Increase: Girl, I, too, keep my promises. And I promise you now I will put your eyes out this instant if you do not tell me who is in the circle, who, the names, who is in the circle of witches. Tell me. [Grunts] What fortitude. Solidarity amongst the rudely oppressed. Inspiring. It's... it's all so very touching. But I tell you, you're duped. These creatures are not your friends, nor anyone's friends. They are the enemies of all mankind. Tituba: Tell me, who started this war between witches and puritans, the scattered few of them or the mighty many of you? Increase: By your own admission, these creatures have sold their very souls for vengeance to the Devil. Is this not so? Tituba: Were your people never slaves? Did they never cry out in the wilderness for justice? And did your God not hear their cries and answer with thunder? Don't you see? There are no witches, only poor people like me, hunted and harried, tortured and murdered, and for no reason other than they are not you! Alden: She was here. I've got her track again. No matter what happens, just stay calm and say nothing. Alden: Kahyonhowanen wensi tekeni ehnita. Ratkahthos kenraken yakonkwe? Man: Rankwe karonya. [Speaks native language] Hale: You are a mystery within a mystery, Captain. Walk the woods like a predator, speak to savages as if you were one of them. Alden: They saw her, but they did not touch her. Hale: And you believe them? Alden: I do. They used a word to describe her. It can mean a lot of different things, but it usually just means "crazy." Hale: My daughter is many things, Captain, but crazy is not one of them. Alden: Well, lucky for her they thought she was. They think crazy people are what we call holy... Walkers between worlds. Make any sense to you? [Crickets chirping] Increase: You ask me who began this war. As one scarred with 40 years soldiering in it, I tell you now... It does not matter... Only that it end. And end it will. [Light clatter] You and your kind have no hope. You will bleed, and you will hurt... And you will die in a hopeless cause. Tituba: Love is not a hopeless cause. I will not betray the one true love of my life. Increase: I understand. Finally I understand it all. I understand everything. Tituba: [Gasps] Increase: You poor thing. Just a little girl, kidnapped, enslaved, alone, seeking understanding, comfort... Seeking love. [Sighs] Do you not see? I do not doubt that you love. But just for this one moment here alone with me, be honest, if not with me, at least with yourself. Do you really believe that they love you as much as you love them? Think, woman. Think of that, that person. Picture them in your mind. You know them so well. Consider who they are, not who you wish them to be, but who they really are, and ask yourself, were they here, would they or would they not offer up your name to save themselves? They would betray you in an instant to save themselves, and this is the person that you love and who will never love you the same way. Is it worth it all, the horrors you have endured, and the agonies... And the ugly, ugly death you have in front of you? Is that really what you want, now that you have now admitted to yourself who they really are? Tituba... Do you know the greatest pleasure in the world? It is when the pain stops. Tituba: [Cries] Increase: And stop it will. You have but to tell me a name. Just whisper it. Tituba: [Sobbing] Increase: Tell me who is the leader of the witches in Salem. Tituba: On my soul, the one you seek... [Whispers indistinctly] [Crying] Anne: [Gasping] [Sighs] [Animals chattering] [Sobbing] [Gasps] [Raining] It could be worse. It could be raining. [Laughing] [Rain stops] [Gasps] [Bird cawing] [Twig snaps] [Gasps] [Bird shrieks, wings flap] [Demonic moaning] [Gasps] Demon: At last, you found your way home. [Laughs evilly] Anne: [Screams] Demon: [Growling] Anne: [Screams] Alden: Anne! It's all right. Anne: [Gasps lightly] [Sobbing] [Gasps] Hale: Oh! Oh. I thought I'd lost you. Anne: Me too. How? How? How did you find me? Hale: [Sighs] Give all credit to Captain Alden and his preternatural skills in these woods. Alden: Following the tracks was easy once I found my way out here. But what I can't figure is how you got so far out of Salem leaving so few tracks and traces between here and there. Anne: I am a silly thing, and in a fit of petulance, I-I ran into these woods without thinking where I was going or how late it was... Until it was too late. Alden: Without leaving any tracks out of Salem. Anne: It... it rained briefly while I was... Wandering. Perhaps that washed away my tracks, or perhaps you just didn't find them. In either case... Please forgive me for the trouble I've put you both through. Hale: Thank you. Alden: Well, I'm sure you'd do the same thing for me if I ever needed... Rescuing. [dog barking] Mary: [Sobbing] [Door opens, closes] Increase: You were correct. She's a remarkable young woman. Mary: Hmm. Increase: I can understand why she's not merely your... Your servant, but your friend, as well. I've discovered something quite extraordinary. I find so much love. Mary: Love? Increase: What I did not understand was that the chief witch of Salem is not merely her leader... But her lover. Mary: She confessed? Increase: Love is a-a two-faced coin, is it not? And one face is surely betrayal. Do you mind? Mary: What? Oh. Yes, please. Increase: I rarely indulge, but... I feel the need of a restorative. Oh, George [Chuckles] George. He's always cultivated the finest cellar in the colony, huh? What was I saying? Mary: Love. Increase: Yes. You know... It is true that, and no one will admit, that love is never equal. And in its inequality lies its fragility, for the one who is loved less will one day find love tastes like ashes. That is indeed what poor Miss Tituba found. But she did tell me everything, and she started with Mercy Lewis. Mary: Mercy? Increase: Mercy Lewis may well have begun as a victim of malice, but she... She was made witch by the very beast that assailed her. Mary: She's not here. Uh, she went out this afternoon. She's not returned. Increase: Well, it is no great matter. After all, where can she run to? I will have her and her girls by the time the sun comes up. Ahh. [Sets glass down] When I first returned to Salem, I was convinced that Satan's true partner was right in front of me and all I need do is reach out my hand to take her. You can imagine my shock to discover that Captain John Alden stands behind all of Salem's horror. [Sighing] I fear I... need a breath of air. Will you walk with me, Mary Sibley, in the evening air... Where we may have a good vantage point from which to witness an arrest? Alden: I'm tempted to go back, see if Cotton's all right. He could get lost in those woods and wake up inside the belly of a bear. Man: There he is! Selectman: John Alden... By order of Increase Mather and in the name of the selectmen of Salem, I place you under arrest. Alden: What for this time? Swearing in public? Selectman: Witchcraft. [Crowd murmuring] Man: Disarm him, shackle him. Anne: No! No! Father, stop them! Father, please! Please! You have the power to do something! Hale: Wait. Shh! [Horses whinny] [Bell tolling] [Dog barking]

While Mary deals with Mercy's betrayal, Tituba must endure the torture inflicted upon her by Increase in his newly founded "House of Pain". Meanwhile, Anne stumbles upon one of her fathers artifacts and suddenly finds herself far from home.

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Act 1 Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment DINNER AT THE CRANES' ALREADY IN PROGRESS [Fade in. Frasier is standing with a woman. Niles is putting out a small fire back by the bookcase. Guests are leaving and the woman slaps Frasier.] Frasier: Mimsy, wait! Please, I can explain! Mimsy: Oh, don't bother! And I bet you don't even have Tourette's Syndrome! [She leaves.] Frasier: Poop! Hell, damn! Oh... [She throws a bouquet at him. He closes the door and tosses the flowers on the table. A chef comes up to him and hands him two lobsters.] Etienne: Lose my number! [He storms out.] Frasier: Chef Etienne! Oh, dear God. Niles: I hope you're happy. Frasier: Me?! You're the one who suggested that flaming kabobs might lend a festive air. [Niles picks up the hairpiece he's been stamping out.] Niles: I didn't know Ben Corbett's toupee would go up like that. [He tosses it in the punch bowl and goes to sit on the couch.] Daphne: [rising] Oh, quiet. Both of you. It's done. [She heads for the kitchen as Martin comes in from the bedrooms wearing a sash.] Martin: Bongiarno! Niles: Party's over, Dad. Martin: What, you mean I'm not the Count anymore? Niles: 'Fraid not. [Frasier sits down with Niles.] Frasier: Why is it that we can't seem to pull off a simple dinner party? Martin: Because you always go overboard. Frasier: Yes, but this one was bare bones. Simplicity itself. [Daphne comes back in.] Daphne: One of your goats just threw up in the kitchen. Frasier: Ohh.... [He gets up and heads for the kitchen where a goat is heard bleating. Fade out.] Scene 2 - Niles' Apartment IT'S A CHANDELIER [Fade in. The living room is filled with a drop cloth and a ladder. A pair of workmen are laboring over a very large light fixture. Niles is coming in the front door.] Niles: Oh, hello. How goes the installation? Workman: Well, we had to put in a transformer for the DC, so after we pull the wires, brace the beam, she'll be ready to roll. Niles: [completely lost] Ah. [Daphne comes out of the kitchen.] Niles: Daphne, Daphne. [He goes over and kisses her.] Niles: You know the Mike Shaw painting that I'm donating to the museum? Frasier suggested we throw a farewell dinner party for it. We've invited some fellow collectors. Daphne: Uh, Niles, I've been thinking. Niles: Hmm? Daphne: Come and sit down, darling. [She leads him over to sit at the table.] Daphne: Maybe it's time you stop throwing dinner parties with your brother. Niles: What? Daphne: You don't exactly have the best track record. Niles: Well, throwing dinner parties is an art. It takes time to perfect. Daphne: No. Niles: But... Daphne: No. [He opens his mouth again.] Daphne: No, it has to stop! Maybe you and I should try throwing a party together. Niles: You and me? Such a big step, are you sure? [She nods.] Niles: Maybe it's time we entertain as a couple. Daphne: Oh, thank you, darling. [She kisses him as the workman comes over.] Workman: Excuse me, it's after four o'clock. What if I finish this tomorrow? Niles: Well, I suppose... Daphne: Oh, no you don't. You said "One day" when I hired you, and that's what it's going to be. So get cracking, because something's going to be hanging from that rafter by the end of the day. Workman: Yes ma'am. [He heads off as Niles stares dumbfounded at Daphne taking her seat again.] Niles: Daphne, you handled that so masterfully! As if he weren't wearing that authoritative tool belt at all!! [He stares at her in admiration. Fade out.] Scene 3 - Caf Nervosa [Fade in. Frasier is sitting at a table, writing. Niles comes in and joins him.] Frasier: Oh, Niles, Niles, thank goodness you're here! I am simply percolating with party ideas. Niles: Uh... Frasier: Listen, have you thought of inviting the artist himself? He lives in town, you know. Niles: Yes, I extended an invitation through his gallery, but he declined. Frasier: Oh. That's too bad. Well then, I have come up with the perfect entertainment for our little art crowd. It's a radical tableau vivant troupe. [Niles stares at him.] Frasier: I don't know. But they do provide smocks and shower caps, so we're covered. Niles: Frasier, Daphne and I are throwing the party. [Frasier looks at him, then back to his notes, fidgeting.] Frasier: Daphne? Well. Fine, suit yourself. It's your painting. I suppose I could just whip up my signature dish. Niles: Daphne's handling the food. [Frasier glowers at him.] Frasier: Lovely. So you'll be serving those sad brown chunks that make their way from plate to napkin, bypassing mouth completely. Niles: It's called Piccadilly Beef, and I talked her out of it, thank God. The whole thing's being catered. We're having Cornish game hens, wild rice stuffing, wonderful sides and all heat- and-serve. [Frasier puts his notepad away in his briefcase.] Frasier: Stuffin'. Lovely. Niles: I think you'd be happy to be just a guest, for once. Frasier: "Just a guest"! In my brother's home. [rising] You know, I've never been just a guest before. Before, I always felt like family. [He puts his coat on as Daphne comes in.] Frasier: Oh look! Here she is now: the hostess with the mostest. [Niles stands up, looking irritated.] Daphne: I see Niles told you. Frasier: Yes. I'm sorry, I won't be attending your debut soiree, Daphne. I hope that doesn't upset your seating plan. Daphne: It's going to be a buffet. [Frasier looks horrified.] Frasier: Buffet! [He rolls his eyes as he reaches for his briefcase.] Frasier: Well, if you should need any help, I think you know my phone number. [He heads out.] Niles: Number three on our speed dial. [Frasier pauses at the door and turns to give them a dour look.] Frasier: Number three. Interesting. [He heads out the door as Daphne tries to reassure Niles. Fade out.] Scene 4 - Niles' Apartment [Fade in. Roz is in the kitchen with Daphne as she is preparing the hens.] Roz: I can't believe how calm you are. I would be a nervous wreck by now. Daphne: Well, I was nervous at first. But every step I thought "How would Frasier and Niles do this?"... and didn't do that. [Roz laughs as Daphne puts the birds in the oven. Gertrude calls from the living room.] Gertrude: Daphne, I'm home! Daphne: Coming, Mum. [She goes into the living room, Roz follows with some flowers. Cut to - the living room. Alice is on the floor, coloring.] Daphne: Where's the video? I thought you were going to rent "Castaway". Gertrude: If I wanted to watch someone talk to a volleyball for two hours, I would have stayed in Manchester with your Aunt Evelyn. Daphne: Well, what are you going to do all night? Gertrude: Oh, you needn't worry about me. I'm going to watch a boxing match on pay-per-view. Ooh, there's nothing like two great, sweaty beasts beating each other senseless. I miss your father. Roz: Come on, Alice, it's time to put away your crayons. Alice: Lookit. I wrote my name really big. [She holds up some papers as Roz sits on the couch.] Roz: Oh, let's see. Alice: There, and there, and there, and THERE! [She points and Roz lets out a gasp of horror as she realizes her daughter has signed the Shaw painting that is sitting on an easel.] Roz: [jumping up] Oh, my God! Alice! Oh, Daphne, I am so sorry. [Daphne wets down a cloth and comes over.] Daphne: Oh, it's not to worry. It'll come out, it's only a little crayon. [She rubs with the cloth.] Roz: That's worse. Daphne: I can handle this. Niles has an art restorer he uses all the time. I'll get his card. [She hurries off.] Alice: I'm sorry, Mommy. Roz: I know, honey. But from now on, just only sign your own artwork, okay? Alice: 'Cause mine is prettier. [Roz looks at the painting.] Roz: Yeah. [Daphne comes back in.] Daphne: Here's his business card. Roz: Okay. I'll run it right over. Daphne: Just tell him it's an emergency, we're very good customers. [Roz grabs the painting, Daphne replaces it with one of Alice's drawings and covers it with a cloth.] Daphne: I'm just glad Niles isn't here. He doesn't take these things in his stride like I do. There, another fire put out. [She suddenly notices smoke coming from the kitchen door.] Daphne: Oh, my God. The hens! [They all rush into the kitchen. Cut to - the kitchen as the hurry in.] Roz: Oh, my God! Daphne: Okay, don't panic. I can handle this. [She grabs an oven mitt and pulls the pan of flaming Cornish hens from the oven. Roz puts out the fire with a wet cloth.] Roz: Oh, look at that, Daphne. Now what are you going to do? Daphne: Well, I can't call the caterer. They were doing a big party and we were their last stop. Roz: Oh, I know, call Frasier. He's gotta know some caterers. Daphne: Well, he was upset since I took over his job as Lord Mayor of Party Town, but he did offer his help. I hope he meant it. Go, take the painting. Roz: Okay. Come on, Alice. Good luck. [Roz and Alice leave as Daphne gets on the phone. Fade to - Frasier standing in his apartment.] Frasier: Daphne, you're never gonna get a caterer at this late hour, but don't worry. I think I can solve your little problem. I'll be right there. [He hangs up the phone and looks to Martin, who is watching TV with Eddie.] Frasier: As usual, Frasier has to save the day. Martin: As usual, Martin has to hear about it. [Frasier goes to the kitchen. Cut to - the kitchen as he comes in. He opens up the oven and pulls out a pan of Cornish game hens.] Frasier: Suit up, boys. We're goin' in. [He pulls out the aluminum foil to cover the pan. Fade out.] Act 2 Scene 1 - Niles' Apartment SOMEONE'S IN THE KITCHEN WITH DAPHNE [Fade in. Frasier is putting on an apron and talking with Daphne, who is already in her evening dress.] Frasier: All right. I need a full rundown of the situation. Daphne: Well, I think I told you about the hens, which I burned. Frasier: Ooh. [He goes to the sink and washes up.] Daphne: I'm hoping we have enough ice, and... I probably shouldn't have dressed the salad this afternoon. Frasier: Oh, lord. Daphne: I'm pretty sure the soup is okay. [Frasier goes over to the stove and takes a deep whiff of the soup.] Frasier: White wine. [Daphne hands him the bottle but, instead of adding it to the soup, he takes a big swig.] Daphne: What do you think? Will we make it? Frasier: I won't lie to you, Daphne. It's bad. Daphne: I feel so stupid. I made a big deal about telling Niles how I could handle this on my own. Frasier: All right, listen. He doesn't have to know. If you just keep him out of my way, I will gladly play your invisible little kitchen elf. Daphne: You would do that for me? Frasier: Well, of course, Daphne. Now listen, I have brought everything I need to make my signature pomegranate honey sauce, all right? I will need a ramekin for each of your guests. [Daphne pulls some small bowls out of a cabinet.] Daphne: Here we are. Frasier: Oh, dear. This is bad. Daphne: What? Frasier: Well, there are two that are mis-matched. It's all right if they're all mis-matched or if in pairs, but two is just unheard of. Niles: [calling from the living room] Daphne. Daphne: Oh, my God, it's Niles. What should we do? [Frasier grabs his things and steps to a cabinet.] Frasier: Don't worry, I'm right in here. [She closes the door on him as Niles comes into the kitchen.] Niles: I am sorry I'm late. Daphne: Darling. [He kisses her.] Niles: I had the worst time finding miniature easels for the table. [He pulls one out of the bag to show her.] Daphne: Oh, but it was worth it. Niles: I think so. The place looks lovely and the new chandelier is absolutely spectacular, but why is the painting covered? Daphne: Oh, because I thought a proper unveiling would be an event. We'll do it after dinner. Niles: Oh, why don't we do it after cocktails? It'll make for a lively dinner conversation. Daphne: Trust me. After will be better. By the way, the kitchen is off limits to you. You've already slowed me down. [The doorbell rings and Niles checks his watch, a pointed look on his face.] Niles: Well, someone's tediously punctual. Shall we? Daphne: I'll be right out. Niles: Okay. [He heads for the living room. Daphne opens the closet and Frasier steps out.] Frasier: You know, if he had any resourcefulness at all, he'd know that miniature easels abound at Liliputia Dollhouse and Miniatures. [Daphne hurries off to join Niles as Frasier pulls out his cell phone and dials.] Frasier: Dad. Right, listen. I need you to do me a favor. I want you to get me my ramekins, all right? And then bring them here, but come in the back way, so Niles doesn't see you. No, ramekins. Well, they're small, round, ceramic dishes. I keep them in the lower left-hand kitchen cabinet. No, no those are tapes dishes. Right, those are for soy sauce. Oh, honestly Dad, you know sometimes I don't think you listen to me. I said sometimes I don't think you... I said sometimes... I see what you're doing. [He stands there, fuming. Cut to - the living room. Niles and Daphne are greeting a couple.] Antonia: Are we the first to arrive? Niles: Oh, you are refreshingly on time. Daphne: How about some drinks? Antonia: Sure. [Daphne takes their coats as Gertrude comes down the stairs.] Gertrude: Don't mind me. I'm just down to nick a bottle of the good stuff. They normally hide it from me. [She grabs a bottle from the bar.] Daphne: This is my mother, Gertrude Moon. Niles: Yes. Antonia and Alex. Alex: Pleasure to meet you. Gertrude: Hello. Daphne: Oh, Mum, as long as you're going upstairs, take the coats. Alex: Is this the Mike Shaw painting? Niles: Yes. Alex: I'm dying to see it. Daphne: Sorry, no peeking. You'll have to wait 'til the unveiling. Alex: Hmm, that sounds like a challenge. You're going to have to watch me like a hawk. Daphne: Oh, won't that be fun. [There is a noise from the kitchen.] Niles: What was that? Daphne: Don't worry, Niles, that's my domain. [She starts for the kitchen, then steps back between Alex and the easel.] Daphne: Why don't you take our guests on a tour of the library? Niles: All right. This way, this way. [They head for the stairs.] Antonia: Is it true that you still collect Edwardian utility bills? Niles: Oh, yes, they're fascinating. For example, did you know that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was a notorious water hog? But, you don't have to take my word for it! [He leads the others off. Daphne goes into the kitchen. Cut to - the kitchen as she comes in.] Daphne: Frasier. [He steps out of the closet.] Frasier: I dropped a pan. Everything's all right. Gertrude: [calling from the living room] Daphne! Frasier: Oh, for God's sake. [Daphne ushers him back into the closet.] Frasier: All right. [Gertrude comes into the kitchen, holding the phone.] Gertrude: I'm having trouble ordering the boxing match. I don't understand, this never happens with the nudie programming. Daphne: Give it here. [She takes the phone and the doorbell rings.] Daphne: Oh, damn. You answer that, I'll take care of this. [Gertrude exits.] Daphne: You can come out now. Frasier: You know, honestly, Daphne, if these interruptions don't stop, my signature sauce will be reduced to a monogram. [He chuckles at his joke, but Daphne is not in the mood.] Frasier: I'm using humor to make a point. [Cut to - the living room as Gertrude answers the door.] Gertrude: Hello, I'm Daphne's mum. Bill: I'm Bill... Gertrude: Don't bother, I'm just lettin' you in. [An older gentleman comes in behind the couple.] Mike: Hi. Is this the Crane place? I'm Mike Shaw. Bill: Mr. Shaw. We thought we were just gonna see your painting. We didn't realize you were coming. Mike: Ah, it was a last minute thing. Call me Mike. Gertrude: Mike... hello. I'm Gertrude. Bill: I'm Bill Talerino and this is my wife Sharon Kwyakowski-Talerino. Sharon: May I just say that you are our greatest living American artist bar none. Bill: Bar none! [Bill's cell phone goes off.] Bill: Excuse me. [As he answers it, Mike walks across the room to Gertrude.] Mike: Is there anything worse than making phony conversation with phony art lovers? Gertrude: Yes. Living with one. My son-in-law is the host. And if you didn't want yer bum kissed, you shouldn't have come, that's all they do here. Mike: I wasn't gonna come, but my gallery insisted. Gertrude: Oh, well, I am going to be upstairs watching a boxing match... should you feel the need to get away. Mike: Ah, I probably shouldn't, but maybe just the first round. Gertrude: All right, then. [She leads him up the stairs.] Mike: You wouldn't have anything to drink up there, would ya? Gertrude: Just liquor. [They head off to the bedroom just as Niles and the others come back in from the library.] Niles: So it actually took George Bernard Shaw longer to rectify his billing error than it did for him to write "Man and Superman". [Antonia has a glazed look on her face as they finish coming down the steps.] Antonia: That's great. Are those the drinks? Niles: Yes. [The doorbell rings as she grabs a glass.] Niles: Excuse me. [He goes to answer the door, saying "Bill and Sharon" and waving as he passes the other couple. He opens the door to reveal two gentlemen.] Niles: Thad and Jeremy. Welcome. Thad: Niles. [Everyone waves and makes noises of greetings.] Jeremy: Where's your better half? [Daphne comes in.] Niles: [taking their coats] Oh, here she is now. Jeremy: Oh, I meant Frasier. [They laugh, Niles forces himself to join in.] Niles: My brother's not coming this evening. Jeremy: But he's always, always, always at your parties. Frasier and yellowtail carpaccio. Has the world gone mad? Niles: Not yet, we still have carpaccio. [Daphne turns to see Alex reaching for the easel covering. Gertrude comes down the stairs to grab something.] Daphne: You've got two choices. You can either walk away from the painting, or you can limp away from the painting. [Alex smiles nervously.] Alex: Walk, please, I think. [He turns away as Gertrude heads for the stairs.] Daphne: Mother, coats. [She tosses the coats into Gertrude's arms.] Gertrude: Yes, Master. [Daphne heads for the kitchen, giving Alex a glare as she passes him. Gertrude heads upstairs while Bill and Sharon come over to Niles.] Sharon: We are so sorry, we have to go. We have a babysitter emergency. [Everyone makes noises of sympathy and disappointment.] Bill: The worst part is we're going to miss dinner with Mike Shaw. I can't believe you got that old hermit to come. Niles: Mike Shaw is here?! Thad: What? Niles: Well, where is he? Bill: He must have wandered off. I mean he's not at all like I pictured. Older guy, white hair, cane. I think he's wearing a plaid flannel shirt. He's quite a character. Niles: Really... [Bill and Sharon leave as everyone starts to talk excitedly. Niles, however, has in mind a different person than Mike Shaw from Bill's description. Cut to - the kitchen. Frasier is working at the stove and Martin comes in the back door carrying a sack.] Martin: Here you go. Frasier: Oh, Dad, finally. Martin: Well, if you had said "nut bowls" I woulda gotten them right off. Frasier: Yes, yes, all right, now listen. I need you to run to the grocery store for me and pick up some sel de mar, some olive topinade, balsamic vinegar, and some English Stilton cheese. Have you got that? Martin: You lost me after "Sally's mare". Frasier: All right, fine. I'll write it down. Niles: [from the living room] Coming right up. Daphne: [after him] Niles, no. Frasier: Dad, hide in there. [He ducks out the back, but Martin doesn't have time to get in the larder before Niles comes into the kitchen.] Niles: Oh, Dad! I thought so! What are you doing here? Martin: I just brought some dishes over. [Daphne comes in.] Daphne: You're not supposed to be in the kitchen, Honey. Niles: I don't know what happened, and I don't want to know how it happened, but somehow our guests are all under the impression that Dad is Mike Shaw. Martin: Who? Niles: He's the artist that painted the painting that everyone is here to see. What are we going to do? Daphne: It's not a problem. We'll just take your father out the back door and make up an excuse. [She pushes open the back door, but Frasier is there and there's no room to pass. Niles doesn't notice.] Daphne: Better yet, we'll take him out the front door. That way people can see him leave. Niles: Okay, but you know zero about art. Don't say a word or these people will see right through you. Martin: Yeah, I'm sure a phony would really stand out at this party. [The all head into the living room. Frasier comes back in desperately holding up his shopping list. Cut to - the living room as the others enter.] Antonia: Oh, this must be Mr. Shaw. Niles: I have very bad news. Mr. Shaw is not feeling well, so he has to leave. Antonia: Oh, no. I can't let you go without getting your autograph. [She holds out a piece of paper and a pen.] And if you could draw something on it... [Martin takes it.] Martin: Well, actually, I do a pretty good rocket. Niles: Oh, no, Antonia. Mr. Shaw is not giving away art. Just write "Mike Shaw". Isn't that nice? [He takes the paper and hands it to Antonia.] Niles: Okay, there you go. That's for you. Come along... Alex: Please, just say a few words about the dry wit of "The Sandwich Maker". [Alex makes another try to reveal the painting, Daphne body blocks him back against the couch.] Daphne: Who wants another tour? Thad: I do. Niles: [to Martin] Okay, get out. [He hustles Martin out the door.] Daphne: Niles, why don't you show them the secret passageway? Niles: Oh, what a good idea. Daphne: Come on then. [The doorbell rings.] Niles: I'll catch up with you. [to Daphne] Don't let them in the panic room. [Daphne nods and leads the others upstairs. Niles opens the door to reveal a young man delivering an ice sculpture.] Niles: Oh, hello. I'd almost given up on you. It's lovely. Sculptor: Thanks. If you don't mind, I find it's best to get paid while there's still evidence. Niles: Yes, of course, of course. I tell you what, if you'll just wheel it over there by the dining rotunda, I'll be right with you. [Niles goes to the back room. The sculptor wheels the cart over as Mike and Gertrude come down the stairs.] Gertrude: The coast is clear. Come on, let's get a bottle of champagne and go back up. Sculptor: Hey, you're Mike Shaw! I studied you in art school. You're a major influence. [They shake.] Mike: Well, that's very flattering. Gertrude: Well, shall we get back upstairs for round three? Mike: She's talking about the fight. Course, the night's still young... [Gertrude laughs and they go back upstairs. Niles comes back in, filling out a check.] Niles: And here, and that, and here you go, and... thank you. [He hands the check over.] Sculptor: No, thank you. I just met one of my heroes, Mike Shaw. Niles: Oh, yes. In the hall? Sculptor: No, right here. Niles: Don't tell me: white hair, cane, plaid shirt, character? [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to - the kitchen. Martin is coming in through the back.] Martin: Forgot the list. Frasier: Right. Niles: [calling] Mr. Shaw... Frasier: For God's sake. All right, here... [He hurries into the larder. Martin closes it behind him as Niles comes in.] Niles: Dad! You're not supposed to be here! [Daphne comes in.] Daphne: Niles! You're not supposed to be here! [Thad and Jeremy come in.] Jeremy: And what's in here? Thad: Oh, Mr. Shaw, you came back! Martin: Yeah, I, uh, felt better. Thad: Then you must tell us about your work. We're collectors, you know. Martin: Oh, but this is a party. I, uh, I... art all the time. Thad: Come on, let's get you another drink. Jeremy: Fun party. It's nice to see you step out of Frasier's shadow. I think he might have been holding you back. [Niles and Daphne stay behind as the others leave.] Niles: Okay, I have to get out there before Dad says something stupid. Let's get these hens browning so we can eat as soon as possible. [He tastes the sauce cooking on the stove.] Mmm. That's Frasier's signature sauce. Except it's so much better. I think you should send him the recipe. [He heads to the living room. Daphne stands there, nervously. Frasier comes out of the larder and grumpily tosses a hand towel down.] Frasier: I'm holding him back. Your sauce is better than mine. Honestly, I don't even know why I try. [He viciously stirs the sauce.] I stand here, slaving over a hot stove and for what? Does anyone appreciate me? No! [He continues as Daphne dials her cell phone. Cut to - the restorer's studio. Roz and Alice are there, impatient.] Roz: Are you getting close, Mr. Slovotkin? Slovotkin: These things take time, miss. Who do you think I am, that mouse in the cartoons that goes fast? What's his name? Roz: Speedy Gonzalez? Slovotkin: No. The little mouse, big hat and he goes very fast. Roz: That's Speedy Gonzalez. Slovotkin: No! It's a mouse. [Roz's cell phone rings and she answers it.] Slovotkin: This is going to drive me crazy. Roz: Hello? I have no idea. Can't you just stall dinner for a little while? All right, don't yell. [She holds the phone out.] Roz: My friend wants to talk to you, Mr. Slovotkin. [He takes it.] Slovotkin: Oh, it's very small. Hello? I'm going as fast as I can. I'm not that little mouse that goes zip all around. What's his name? No! That's what she said. He's a mouse! [Cut to - Niles' apartment. Everyone is gathered in the living room discussing art with Martin.] Jeremy: What impresses me the most is the way you reinvent identity while recording anonymity. Martin: Well, that took years to get down. [The others all make sounds of agreement, Niles takes a swig of his drink.] Thad: Come on, tell us. What do you think of Warhol? [Martin takes a reflective pause.] Martin: Crap. Thad: Kienholz? Martin: Crap. Antonia: It is so refreshing to have someone speak so candidly. Martin: And you have to believe me because I'm a fancy-ass artist. [He bursts into laughter and they all join in. Niles takes another gulp.] Alex: I know, why don't you take us through the house and you can tell us what you think of Niles' art? Martin: Oh, sure. [They all get up.] Martin: I've been waiting to do that for a long time. [They head off despite Niles' attempts to protest. Cut to - the kitchen. Daphne stops Frasier from putting the fowl in the oven.] Daphne: You can't brown the hens yet. Frasier: If we wait any longer, their skins will wrinkle and my sauce will separate. Is that what you want? Daphne: I... Frasier: Is that what you want!? Niles: [from living room] Daphne? Frasier: Damn it. [He goes back into the closet. Niles comes into the kitchen.] Daphne: YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE! [Niles reels backwards, falling through the doorway. He sheepishly looks back in around the door.] Niles: I'm sorry, Dad's run amok. [He comes back in.] Why aren't the hens browning? [He opens the oven door and grabs the pan. Daphne hurries over and closes the oven.] Daphne: Because they're not ready yet. Niles: Well, they look ready. [He opens the door, but she closes it again.] Daphne: Yes, well, they're not. Niles: Well, we'll just serve them as is. Daphne: You can't, they're not brown. Niles: Well, we're going to. I'm going to get a platter. [He opens up the larder as Daphne rushes to reclose it.] Daphne: Don't open that door! [He opens the door again and she closes it again.] Niles: Stop that, I already saw him. [opening the door] What are you doing here? Frasier: [stepping out into the kitchen] I am saving your party, that's what I'm doing. Daphne: Niles... Niles: You don't have to explain. Frasier's presence here is clearly why this party's gone awry. Frasier: Oh really? Well, if that's what you think, then I will gladly take MY signature sauce and go. [He grabs the pan and heads for the door.] Niles: Your signature sauce... Frasier: And that reminds me. You won't be needing to use my poultry shears. [He grabs them off the counter and Niles grabs the pan.] Niles: No, no, you can't It's already here, it's already here. Frasier: This is mine! Niles: No, no! It's on my property! Daphne: Oh, stop it, stop it, both of you! Frasier: Fine! [He lets go of the pan. It flips up and coats Niles with sauce as he falls back through the swinging door. Cut to - the living room as he stumbles in and everyone gasps. Frasier and Daphne follow.] Niles: What have you done? Frasier: I'm not sorry, you've been asking for this for years! [He stands there, furious, holding the shears as everyone looks on in shock.] Daphne: No, it's not what you think. See? Yummy. [She takes a blob of sauce on her finger and licks it up. Everyone covers their eyes in horror.] Niles: No, no, it's sauce. We just had a little kitchen mishap. We'll just get this cleaned up. [Martin grabs the cloth covering the easel and hands it to Niles.] Martin: Here, wipe it on this. Niles: Thanks Dad. [Everyone stares at Alice's drawing which has been revealed.] Alex: That is no Mike Shaw. Niles: What happened to my painting? Thad: Did you know about this, Mike? Martin: I may have. Daphne: Oh, give it up, Martin. This isn't Mike Shaw, it's Niles' father. Alex: What are you trying to pull, Crane? [Niles can only stand there, trying to think.] Jeremy: This is uncomfortable. We should go. Daphne: No, no, no, please! Listen to me, listen. Yes, there's been some deception and things have gotten out of hand, but no real harm has been done. I made some mistakes. People make mistakes, but that's no reason to abandon them. This night can still be a success. We've got the food and you're all here and when I tell you about what happened, we'll all have a good laugh about it. So, please, everybody stay. [The guests all think for a minute then say "All right."] Daphne: Thank you. Niles: Well done, Daphne. [Everyone starts to look happy again, but then there is an ominous groaning and creaking from the ceiling above them. The new chandelier begins to shake and chime. Everyone steps back, climbing over furniture in some cases, as it gets louder and more violent. Suddenly, the ceiling caves in and the chandelier crashes to the floor, shortly followed by an enormous four poster bed that falls through from the floor above. Gertrude and Mike push their way out from under a pile of coats, where they've been snuggling.] Gertrude: Hello. [Everyone simply stands there, stunned for several moments.] Daphne: All right. Get your coats. [The guests all step over to the bed and claim their garments. Frasier walks over and puts his arm around a crestfallen Daphne.] Frasier: Daphne, congratulations. You're now officially a Crane. [Daphne breaks down into tears at this. Fade out.] [SCENE_BREAK] Niles comes downstairs, dressed for work. The living room is still a shambles, the bed in the middle. He looks around the living room for something, then finally calls up through the hole in the ceiling. His briefcase is tossed down on the bed. He says "Thank you", grabs his case and heads out the door.

The Crane brothers have a history of holding disastrous dinner parties, and the episode opens with one such occasion, just as all the guests and caterers are walking out. Niles is donating a painting by artist Mike Shaw to a museum, and plans to hold a farewell dinner party for it, with some fellow art collectors in attendance. When Daphne learns of this, she persuades him to co-host the party with her, not his brother. Frasier is upset, but offers his services in case they are needed. Consequently, when Daphne's cooking starts to go wrong at the last minute, and the painting suffers after an encounter with Alice and her crayons , Frasier agrees to help, as long as Niles is unaware of his presence. The situation becomes more complicated by the minute as the guests arrive, particularly when the artist turns up unexpectedly (and Martin is misidentified as him) and Daphne's mother takes a shine to him.

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This transcript should be considered as copylefted... that is, you can do anything with this transcript you want as long as it doesn't interfere with others right's to do anything with it that they might want, also. You can modify it, but if you want to use any part of this transcript, your modifications should be copylefted also. Explicit license is hereby given for anyone to archive this transcript whenever and wherever they may wish. [SCENE_BREAK] It's night in the cemetery and Buffy is pacing back and forth. Willow is seated cross-legged reading papers. Buffy: [sighing] Anything? Willow: Ah! 'Introduction to the Modern Novel.' "A survey study of twentieth century novelists." Open to freshmen, you might like that. Buffy: 'Introduction to the Modern Novel?' I'm guessing I'd probably have to read the modern novel. Willow: Maybe more than one. Buffy: I like books. I just don't want to take on too much. Do they have an introduction to the modern blurb? Willow: Oh! Short story. Buffy: Well, that's good. Willow: Oh, no. It conflicts with Psych. Buffy: Maybe I shouldn't take Psych. Willow: You gotta. I-It's fun, a-and you can use it as your science requirement. Anyway, Professor Walsh is supposed to be great. She's like, world-renowned. Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be 'nowned' first? Willow: Yes, first there's the painful 'nowning' process. Wait! 'Images of Pop Culture.' This is good. T-They watch movies, T-TV shows, even commercials. Buffy: For credit? Willow: Heh. Isn't college cool? Buffy: How'd I miss that one? Buffy walks over and sits beside her. Willow: Well, you did sort of wait till the last minute with your course selection. Buffy: Sorry, 'Miss I-chose-my-major-in-playgroup.' Willow: That's an exaggeration. I just, you know, think it's good to be prepared. Don't want to be caught unawares. Behind them a hand thrusts up out of a fresh grave. Buffy: Well I've been busy! It's been a very slay-heavy summer. I just haven't had a whole lot of time to think about life at UC Sunnydale. A vampire's head and shoulders emerge from the grave. Willow: It's exciting, though, isn't it? Buffy: Yeah! It's gonna be an adjustment. Willow: Yeah, it's like, five miles away. It's uncharted territory. The vampire struggles to climb up. Buffy: Giles said I have to be secret-identity gal again. Willow: That makes sense. The vampire makes it out of the grave and starts walking toward them, his face vamped out. Buffy: It's gonna be tough, though... with a roommate. Willow: Yeah. Buffy: I'm psyched about college. (The vampire smiles as he gets closer.) Buffy: Definitely. (He stops as he sees weapons stacked against a gravestone.) Buffy: I just need to figure out how it's going to work with my extra-curricular activities. (The vamp looks at Buffy, the smile gone.) Buffy: I just can't let it take the edge off my slaying. (Shaking his head, the vampire turns and walks away.) Buffy: I gotta stay sharp. (She looks behind her toward the fresh grave.) Is this guy ever gonna wake up? [Opening credits] Buffy is standing in the middle of a quad with students milling all around her. She's looking around. Student Volunteer: FRESHMEN! WE'RE DOING THIS BY FOLDER COLOR! IF YOU'RE NOT HOLDING ON TO A YELLOW FOLDER, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG GROUP. YOU BELONG UP BY WIESMAN HALL. (She points. Buffy looks at the folders in her arms but doesn't see a yellow one. She starts to walk in the indicated direction.) Girl standing in front of banner that reads "THIS MUST STOP" Girl: Not gonna take it! Crowd: No! Girl: Don't take it lying down! Crowd: No! Girl: What do we want? Crowd: [Unintelligible... Food?] Girl: When do we want it? Crowd: Now! A student walks up and hands her a flier. Boy: Rally, tomorrow night. We have to let the administration know how we feel. Buffy: Yeah, right. Another student hands her another flier. Girl: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? Buffy: Uh, you know I meant to and then I just got really busy. A third student hands her yet another flier. Boy: Party, Thursday at Alpha Delt, you gotta be there. Free Jello shots for freshman women. Buffy: Hey, you guys know where Wiesman hall is? But the student is already accosting someone else. Buffy continues walking and Willow meets up with her. Willow: Buffy, Hey! Buffy: Oh, boy am I glad to see you. They continue walking. Willow: Isn't this cool? There's so much going on. Buffy: Yeah. Almost, one might say, too much. Willow: I got all my courses... except for 'Modern Poetry', I had to switch to 'Ethno-musicology.' But that's cool, West-African drumming, I think it's going to change everything. Have you met your roommate yet? Buffy: No. Willow: Me neither. I hope she's cool. Buffy: (Indicating the fliers in Willow's hands.) I see you got ticketed too. Willow: Yes! I've heard about five different issues and I'm angry about each and every one of them. What'd you get? Buffy: 'Jello shots.' Willow: I didn't get 'Jello shots!' (She picks a flier out and tries to hand it to Buffy.) I-I'll trade you for a-a 'Take Back the Night.' Buffy hands over all her fliers with a smile. Buffy: Are we heading anywhere near Wiesman Hall? I still need to get my I.D. card. Willow: Oh, I got mine this morning. The lines are really long now, you should have gone early. Buffy: Well, I hope that I learn from this experience, and that I grow. Willow: I'm being annoying, aren't I? Buffy: No, it's nice that you're excited. Willow: It's just in High School, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon. You really had to work to learn anything. But here, the energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up--you know?--and letting this place thrust into and spurt knowledge into... That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in. Buffy: I'm with you, though, I'm all for spurty knowledge. It's just, a little overwhelming. Don't you feel it? Willow: Well, I'm... (Gasp) Ooh, boyfriend! My on-campus boyfriend. (Oz comes up and he and Willow kiss.) Buffy: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up. Line's probably really long there, too. Willow: How are you? Oz: Good. It's pretty much a madhouse, a madhouse. Buffy: I know, I was just saying that to Willow. I mean it's just so overwhelming. Don't you feel completely disoriented? Paul: Oz! (A student comes up to them.) Oz: Hey, Paul. Paul: Finally matriculating with us, very cool! Tell me you're playing this week! Oz: Thursday night, Alpha Delta. Willow: Ooh! (She holds up a flier.) I have that one! Paul: I'm bringing the wrecking crew. Jello shots? Hmm? Do you know where they're distributing the work study applications? Oz: (Points.) Back of Richmond Hall, next to the auditorium. Paul: Thanks. Seeya bro. (He walks off.) Oz: Go get'em. (He remembers what Buffy was talking about.) My band's played here a lot. It's still all new. I don't know what the hell's going on. (He sees someone.) Hey, Doug! Later, Buffy and Willow are indoors, walking along a hallway. Willow: Library... ooh! Library. C'mon. (They start climbing a flight of stairs.) Buffy: It's too bad Giles can't be librarian here. Be convenient. They reach a landing and turn left to continue up another flight. Willow: Well, he says that he's enjoying being a gentleman of leisure. Buffy: Gentleman of leisure? Isn't that just british for unemployed? Willow: Uh-huh, he's a slacker now. Buffy: Speaking of slack, have you heard anything from Xander? Willow: Not for awhile, he's still on his cross-country-see-America thing. (They reach another landing and turn to climb yet another flight.) He said he wasn't coming back until he had driven to all fifty states. Buffy: Did you explain about Hawaii? Willow: Oh, he seemed so determined. Buffy: I hope he gets back soon. It'd be fun to have the whole gang back together--you know?--hanging out in the... library. Wow! They enter the library, a huge room with a vaulting cupola ceiling. Willow: Oh my gosh! Isn't this amazing? Buffy: It's... cozy. Willow: You know I never wanted to hurt Giles' feelings, but occult books aside, our old library just didn't have the greatest selection. But this! Buffy: Yeah, this is great, you know, if we ever need a place for the Nuremberg rallies. Willow: This is a real library. (Someone shushes them.) See we even have to whisper. It's like a whole new world. The bookstore. Students are milling about carrying books in shopping baskets. Buffy carries an arm full of books and Willow comes up with a basket. Willow: Here. Buffy: Thanks. (Buffy puts the books in the basket.) Can't wait till mom gets the bill for these books, I hope it's a funny aneurysm. Willow: 'Introduction to Psychology.' Oh, up there. (She indicates three of four books stacked on the edge of the top of a bookshelf.) Buffy: I'll get'em. You know, this store discriminates against short people. Willow: Oh, I think there's a protest next week. Buffy reaches up and accidentally knocks the books off. Buffy: Woah, oh. (They fall on the head of a young man crouched underneath. He staggers back but recovers.) Oh, ahh. Oh god, I'm so sorry. He stands up. Riley: I'm okay. It's okay. Well, that was bracing. Buffy: I'm so... the books were just too high, and then everything was bad. (She bends down to pick up the books.) Riley: Let me give you a hand. (He bends down and picks up some books.) Let's put a few of these down here. (He puts them on a lower shelf.) So, uh, are you girls taking Intro Psych, or do you just want me dead? Buffy: Uh-huh. I mean the first one. Riley: Well, you'll have a lot of fun. Professor Walsh--she's quite a character. Willow: You've taken it? Riley: I'm a TA, I'll be helping the Professor out. I'm sorry, I've forgotten my manners in all the concussion... I'm Riley. Willow: Willow, and this is my friend Buffy. Riley: It's nice to meet you both. Buffy: I'm nice to meet. Willow: Hey, do you know if we're going to be studying 'Operant Conditioning' in the first semester? 'Cause I hear that's kinda Professor Walsh's specialty. Riley: Absolutely. Do you know her treatise on Dietrichs work? Willow: I know of it. Riley: It's not in the syllabus, but it's a fascinating read... if you're in to that sort of thing. They have it here. Willow: Oh, where? Riley: I'll show you. I don't meet that many freshmen that know that much about psychology. Willow: Well, it's fascinating. Buffy: Yeah, you know, 'cause everyone's got a brain. (Riley half smiles politely and starts leading the way.) Or, almost everyone. (She follows Riley and Willow.) Dorm corridor. Buffy works her way through milling students, both male and female. She enters a dorm room with two beds and two desks. She sees another young woman there unpacking a suitcase laying on one of the beds. Buffy: Hi. Kathy: (Looks up.) Oh, hi! Are you Buffy? Buffy: Yeah. Kathy: Kathy. Buffy: Hi, it's nice to meet you. Kathy: Yeah! Buffy puts her things down on a desk and crosses over to the bed and sits down. Buffy: So, it's, ah... it's a pretty nice room. Kathy: Hmm! I was surprised, 'cause you hear horror stories about freshmen housing. You took the right side? Buffy: Yeah, umm, but if you want it... Kathy: No, no. I just wanted to make sure that's what you wanted. Exited for classes tomorrow? Buffy: Painfully. Kathy: (Laughs) I bet there's going to be a lot of parties to go to this week, too. Not that I'm a crazy partier. Oh, and I'm not always this hyper, either. I'm just excited. Buffy: Yeah, me too. Kathy crosses the room and picks up a folded poster and carries it to a wall on her side of the room. Kathy: I am really glad they put me with somebody cool... I can tell that you're cool. I just know that this whole year is going to be super fun! (She unfolds the poster onto the wall revealing it to be of Celine Dion.) Night time. Buffy is laying in bed listening to Kathy snore, smack her lips and mumble in her sleep. Day time. Buffy is in a lecture hall while Professor Reegert gives his introductory lecture. Professor Reegert: The point of this course is not to critique popular American culture. It is not to pick at it, or look down upon it. And it is not to watch videos for credit. (Small laughter from students.) The point is to examine... Buffy: (Whispers to student beside her) Do you know if this class is full yet? Professor Reegert: And there are two people talking at once, and I know that one of them is me. And the other is... a blonde girl. You, blonde girl. Stand up. I'm very excited to hear what you have to say that's worth interrupting my lecture for. Buffy stands. Buffy: I was just asking if the class was still open, if I could still sign up. Professor Reegert: (Picks up a clipboard.) If your name isn't on this sheet then you are wasting everyone's time. Are you on the sheet? Buffy: They told me that if I just... Professor Reegert: Do you understand? You are sucking energy from everyone in this room. They came here to learn. Get out! Buffy: I didn't mean to... suck. Professor Reegert: Leave! (She starts to leave.) Thank you. (She walks out.) Busy hallway. Buffy is looking around. Riley comes up to her. Riley: If, uh, you're looking for Psych, it's through here. (He points.) Buffy: Oh, thanks. How's your head? Riley: Sorry? Buffy: Yesterday. In the bookstore. You don't remember. Riley: Oh no, sure, I remember you. You're Willow's friend. Buffy: Yeah. Riley: My head is fine, it just stung for a bit and I lost most of my basic motor functions. It's no biggie. (They reach the lecture hall.) We're here. I'm sorry, I'm trying to remember you. Buffy: Buffy. Riley: Buffy, right. Have fun tonight, ok? Buffy: Thanks. (She starts toward the tiers and turns back.) Buffy: You know, I was just wondering. Professor Walsh isn't planning on yelling at me and kicking me out of the class, is she? Riley: It's not in her lesson plan. Buffy: Great. (She turns back to the tiers and spots Willow and Oz. Willow waves to her, and Buffy climbs up to sit beside her.) Willow: How was pop culture? Buffy: I decided not to take it. It seemed dull. Professor Walsh comes into the lecture hall and Riley hands her a sheet of paper. Professor Walsh: Ok. This is Psych 105, 'Introduction to Psychology', I'm Professor Walsh. Those of you who fall under my good graces will come to know me as Maggie. Those of you who don't will come to know me by the name my TAs use, and think I don't know about, 'The Evil Bitch Monster of Death.' Make no mistake, I run a hard class, I assign a lot of work, I talk fast and I expect you to keep up. If you're looking to coast I recommend 'Geology 101,' that's where the football players are. It's night time and Buffy is walking along a walkway looking around. She looks behind her and collides with another student. Buffy: Ooh! Eddie: Wow, sorry. Buffy: No, I-I wasn't looking. Eddie: Did you, uh, lose your way? Buffy: Me? Oh, no, no, I'm just going to Fischer Hall. Which I know is on the Earth planet. Recently voted 'Most Pathetic.' Uh-huh. Eddie: Hmm, well, I'm lost and I have a map. (He holds it up.) So... Buffy: Ooh, I come in second. I'm Buffy, by the way. Eddie: Eddie. Buffy: Ok, so... (They both study the map.) That's Fischer Hall, right? Eddie: Ok, and this is Dunwirth Building, that's my dorm... it's just... it's us I can't find. Buffy: Are we the blue part? Eddie: No... yes! Buffy: Ok, right, so I-I came from there, then we just wanna go that way (She points.) to the bike path. Eddie: You sound very certain, I'm in. (They start walking and he sees the books in Buffy's arms.) You're taking 'Psych 105' with Professor Walsh. Buffy: Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna try. She's not afraid of the long words, huh? Eddie: Yeah, she's pretty intense. A lot of the courses are really tough. Buffy: I'm a little upset. I had it on good authority that this was a party school. Eddie: I think it's supposed to get easier. Buffy: I still feel like carrying around a security blanket. Eddie: 'Of Human Bondage.' Have you ever read it? Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into p0rn... I mean I'm just... I'm trying to cut way back. Eddie: (Laughs.) No, there's no actual bondage, it's just a novel. I've read it, like, ten times. I always keep it by my bed... security blanket. Buffy: I don't really have a security blanket... unless you count Mr. Pointy. Eddie: Mr. Pointy? Buffy: Oh, bike path. So it's nice to know that I'm not the onlyentirely confused person on this campus. Eddie: I suspect there's a lot of us. Buffy: Well, I'll look for you in Psych. Eddie: Yeah, maybe we can help each other figure out what the hell they're talking about. Buffy: (Laughs.) Ok. Eddie: Maybe even make it through the year. (Laughs.) Buffy: Goodnight. Eddie: Night. Buffy walks away. Eddie smiles pleasantly at her retreating form and then turns to walk in the opposite direction. He gets a few feet when he's grabbed from behind, a hand over his mouth. He looks up at his assailant and sees that his face is vamped out. He also sees two other vampires, young looking man and woman. They part to reveal a young, attractive blonde woman (Face not vamped out.) who takes a few steps toward him. Sunday: I'm sorry... did you lose your way? [SCENE_BREAK] Night time. Dorm room, single. The door opens and the vampires enter and start gathering everything up. One sits at the desk and writes something on notebook paper, he tears it out of the book and places it on the bare mattress. Psych class is over, students are gathering their things and leaving. Buffy is looking around for Eddie. Oz: You looking for someone? Buffy: Yeah. Willow: You made a friend? Good for you. Buffy: Thanks, mom. The same single dorm room, Eddie's RA is showing Buffy the empty room. RA: Yeah, Eddie just took off, packed his stuff, left a note. Happens sometimes. People just can't handle it. There's always a few kids who lose it early in the first semester and just bail. Buffy crosses to the bed and picks up the note. She sits on the bed while reading it. The note says, 'This is too much to handle. I can't take it anymore. No time to say goodbye! Eddie' RA: Weak ones, I guess. (He leaves.) Buffy lays the note on the bedside table and notices the drawer is partly open. She opens it to reveal a paperback book. It's Eddies copy of M. Somerset Maugham's 'Of Human Bondage.' She takes it out of the drawer and looks at it intently. Indoors. A cluttered room. Eddie is lying dead. The vamps are poring through his things, FatVamp is checking out a purple sweater. Sunday is seated in a chair that is raised off the floor somewhat, making it look like a throne. She is going through Eddie's CDs, tossing them aside one by one. Sunday: Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, (sigh) astonishingly boring... we... we have to kill some cooler people. Will somebody remind me? FatVamp: (Now wearing the sweater.) You were the one who said pick on the weak ones, thin the herd and all that. Does this sweater make me look fat? Sunday: No, the fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look purple. FatVamp: You're such a loser. Sunday: Hey, words can hurt like a fist. SpicoliVamp: Hey, check it out. (He holds up a folded poster.) Sunday: Well? Do we have a Klimt? (He opens it.) Yes! SpicoliVamp: (Carrying it over to a wall with two different styles of posters on it.) Big score for Klimt! (He staples the poster to the wall.) Monet still well in the lead, but look out for team Klimt, coming from behind. (He makes a mark on a white board under the 'Klimt' heading.) Sunday: Freshmen! Man, they're so predictable. SpicoliVamp: And you can never eat just one. FatVamp: Yeah, I'm hungry! Sunday: What a shock. We eat when I say we eat. FatVamp: Well, we could hit the tunnels... Sunday: We eat (she vamps out and roars) when I say we eat. FatVamp: God, lighten up. SpicoliVamp: I think it's funny when you scream... it's like... (he roars) whoa! Sunday: I got ta get me some better lackeys. I swear, you guys are useless. (she gets up and starts crossing the room) I shouldn't even take you on the hunt. FatVamp: Great! Why don't you let dead Eddie get your dinner. Sunday: That's pretty much the plan. (She walks past Eddie, who opens his eyes at that moment.) Giles' apartment. Buffy opens the door while knocking. She enters, closes the door, and walks to the middle of the room. David Bowie is playing in the background. Buffy: Giles? We see an attractive black woman in the kitchen through the opening over the counter. Olivine: Rupert, is this Bleu cheese or is it just cheese that's gone blue? (She reaches the front room and sees Buffy, she appears to be wearing a shirt and nothing else.) You're not Giles. Buffy: Uhm... you know the door was open, so I just... uh, Giles does still live here, right? Olivia: He does. Giles coughs in the background and the music cuts off. Olivia: He appears. (Giles comes out of the hallway. He's wearing a bathrobe.) Rupert, you have a guest. Giles: Buffy! Hello. Buffy: Is this a bad time? Giles: No! Oh, uh, forgive me. This, uh... this is, uh, Olivia. She's, uh, an old friend, she's staying here for a few days. Olivia: Couldn't pass through sunny Cal without looking up ol' Ripper. Buffy: Uh huh. Giles: Buffy's a, uh, was a student of mine. How's, uh, how is university? Buffy: Pretty much the same as high school, in the sense that I need help. Giles: Ahh... help... yes. Buffy: But, this just looks like a bad time. Olivia: No, you guys talk. I'll just go slip into something a little less comfortable. (She and Giles share a look and she leaves the room.) Giles: So, uh, trouble with, uh, studies? Buffy: This is a bad time. Giles: You keep saying that. Buffy: Well it looks pretty bad! I think someone had just a little too much free time on their hands. Giles: I'm not supposed to have a private life? Buffy: No! (In a whiny voice.) 'Cause you're very, very old, and it's gross. Giles: Well, before I succumb to the ravages of age, why don't you tell me what brings you here. Buffy: There's this student missing. Giles: Yes? Buffy: Eddie. He's supposed to have left school but... I just don't think he did. I met him outside last night, and then I went back where we met, and it looked there had been a struggle. Giles: And? Buffy: And we need to stop this! And Eddie's RA said kids disappear a lot. There could be a gang of vampires working the campus. We need research, an-an-and charts and stuff. Giles: I-I still don't see where I fit in. You haven't described anything that you can't do yourself. Buffy: Ok, remember before you became Hugh Hefner when you used to be a watcher? Giles: Officially you know longer have a watcher. Buffy, you know I'll always be hear when you need me. Y-your safety is more important to me than anything but, you're going to have to take care of yourself. You're out of school and I can't always be there to guide you. Buffy: I'm sorry to bug you. Giles: Buffy, I... Buffy: Oh! No! I mean yeah, you're... you're right. I can handle it. It's just that... I'm on it. Giles: I-I'm here if you need me. (She leaves.) Olivia: (Walking into the room.) She's gone? Giles: Yes. Olivia: So, did you help her? Giles: I'm not sure. Night time, outside. Buffy is walking along and there are students everywhere. Buffy: How am I supposed to hunt in this mob? Don't you people have homes? She sees a young man walking away, he looks over at her and she sees that it's Eddie. Buffy: Eddie? She runs after him. Buffy: Eddie! Eddie, hey, wait up! She catches up with him in a secluded spot next to a bulletin board. Buffy: God I was worried that something had happened to you... He turns around all vamped out. Buffy: ...and of course it has, 'cause you're a vampire. I'm sorry. Eddie: I'm not. He attacks. She uses his own momentum to keep him off balance and stakes him when he charges again. He disappears into dust. Behind Buffy, Sunday watches from a concrete dais. Sunday: Slayer! (Buffy turns and sees her.) Wow, uhm, I heard you might be coming here. (The other vamps come out of hiding and surround Buffy.) This is, I mean, what a challenge! The slayer! Buffy: And you are? Sunday: I'm... I'm Sunday, I'll be killing you here in a minute or so. Buffy: You know that threat gets more frightening every time I hear it. SpicoliVamp: Uhh... are we gonna fight? Or is there just gonna be a monster sarcasm rally? FatVamp: I'm in for a piece. Buffy: Everybody gets to play. Sunday: Guys, this is totally mine. SpicoliVamp: Ok, but you gotta share the eatin'. 'Cause I'm thinkin' slayer's blood's gotta be--Whoa!--like Thai Stick. Buffy: I thought people were suppose to get smarter in college? Sunday: Yeah, I think you had a lot of misconceptions about college. Like that anyone would be caught dead wearing that. Buffy looks down at her clothes. When she looks up, Sunday punches her. Buffy falls and Sunday tries to kick her, but Buffy blocks it and throws two punches. Sunday ducks one and blocks the other, and lands another punch, sending Buffy sprawling again. When Buffy tries to get up Sunday kicks her in the face. Buffy tries to slug her in the stomach but Sunday grabs her wrist and throws her onto the dais. Buffy tries to hit back but Sunday grabs her by the throat. Sunday: Don't take this the wrong way, but... (She punches her in the face again.) You fight like a girl. She throws Buffy off the dais and somersaults off. Buffy gets to her feet and kicks her in the midsection. She misses another kick to the head but lands one to Sundays face. She throws a punch but Sunday grabs her arm, swings her around and throws her onto the hood of a pickup truck parked nearby. Buffy tries to up but Sunday jumps onto the hood and kicks her in the back, sending her up onto the roof. Buffy tries a left handed punch but Sunday grabs the wrist, jumps onto the roof and brings her knee up into the arm. There is a cracking sound. She throws Buffy, who bounces off the hood onto the ground. Buffy stands up holding her left arm close to her chest. She looks at the other vamps, who are smiling, and takes off. She falls once onto the grass but gets up and runs away. Sunday hops down from the truck. Sunday: Freshmen! [SCENE_BREAK] Buffy's dorm room, night time. Kathy is snoring again. Buffy is sitting on her bed, bruised and tending to her arm. She carefully moves it away from her chest, holding it with her other hand, and grunts in pain. Exterior of a building, day time. Buffy opens the door one handed and exits. She is still bruised. She sees Willow and Oz talking with another student and avoids them. Interior, the vamps lair. Through boarded up windows we see that it's daylight. The vamps are gathered around and laughing. Sunday is sitting on a couch. SpicoliVamp: N-n-n-n-no! The best part was when you ragged on her clothes. She was like, 'No! Not the ensemble!' (All the vamps laugh.) Sunday: Those Jeans? With the little patches? She has no one to blame but herself. FatVamp: I heard they're coming back. Sunday: Not if I kill every single person who wears them. FatVamp: I still think you should've let us have a piece, we could've finished here off. Sunday: She's not gonna last the night, she's a done deal. In fact, guys, you're gonna hit the tunnels. The Summers residence, daylight. Buffy enters through the kitchen door, still favoring her left arm. Buffy: Mom? She goes upstairs and Joyce, coming out into the hallway, sees her. Joyce: Buffy. Buffy: Hi. Joyce: Honey, how are you? (She hugs her and Buffy hugs back, one armed.) Buffy: I'm ok. Joyce: How's college? You've been fighting. Buffy: Oh, uh, they started it. Joyce: Just as long as you're being careful. I-I really didn't think you'd show up here for a while. They walk towards Buffy's room. Buffy: Oh, I didn't have classes today, and everything's just been so hectic I figured it'd be nice to come and crash for... They reach her room and Buffy sees that it's crammed with wooden crates. Joyce: Oh, well yeah. You know, I-I didn't think you'd be back for a couple of weeks. Uh, but I didn't move anything, it's still your room. Buffy: You filled it with packing crates. Joyce: Yeah, but I didn't move anything. Buffy: If it's still my room, shoudn't I still be able to fit in it? Joyce: Well it's just for a couple of weeks while we do inventory at the gallery. I just really didn't think you'd be back so soon. Buffy: Neither did I. Buffy is walking through the kitchen, heading out, when the phone rings. She answers it. Buffy: Hello? Hello? (There's nothing but silence, so she hangs up and leaves.) At the dorm, Buffy finds that all of her things are missing. She walks to the bare bed, picks up a note that's lying there and reads it. 'This is all just too much for me. I have decided to take off. Sorry I didn't have time to say goodbye but I need to be by myself. Good luck this year. Buffy' She sits on her bed holding the note. The Bronze. There's a band on stage playing a slow, sad song. Buffy enters and looks around not seeing anyone she knows. She walks over to a couch and spots a man across the room turned three quarters away from her that looks like Angel. He turns enough so that she can see his face and it isn't him. Xander: The whole world in front of her, and she comes back to this dive. She turns around and sees him. Buffy: Xander! (She gives him a one-armed hug.) Xander: Hey, Buff. Buffy: Oh, when did you get back? Xander: Couple days ago. Buffy: You freak of nature. Why didn't you call me? Xander: Well I knew you guys were starting the whole college adventure and I didn't want to, um, you know... help you move. Buffy: I missed you. How was your trip? Is America nice? I hear it's nice. Xander: There's some purple mountains majesty, I'm gonna have to say. Buffy: What'd you do? What'd you see? Xander: Well... Buffy: Tell me! Xander: 'Grand Canyon!' Buffy: You saw the Grand Canyon! Xander: Well, I saw the movie 'Grand Canyon,' on cable. Really lame. Buffy: Hunh? Xander: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of my car, and that was literally. So, I ended up washing dishes at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club' for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me or even spoke to me until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything was exactly as it was except I sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college? Buffy: Male strippers? Xander: No power on this earth! Buffy: Ok. College is good. Xander: Ok, uh, once more with even less feeling. Buffy: No, really! I-I mean, Willow's in heaven and Oz has this really cool house off campus with the band. (They both sit on the couch.) Xander: And you're sitting here alone at the Bronze looking like you just got diagnosed with cancer of the puppy. Buffy: It's just... there was this vampire, and she took me down, and I just... I don't know how to stop her. Xander: Then where's the gang? Avengers assemble! Let's get it going! Buffy: No, I don't want to bug them. I mean they're just starting school, and they don't need this. Xander: Ok Buff, what's the 'what' here? Buffy: It's just, what if I can't cut it? Xander: Can't cut what? Slaying? Buffy: Slaying, everything. Xander: Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control you. 'Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger.' No wait, hold on. 'Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side.' Hold on, no, umm, 'First you get the women, then you get the money, then you...' okay, can we forget that? Buffy: Thanks for the Dadaist pep talk, I feel much more abstract now. Xander: The point is, you're Buffy. Buffy: Yeah, maybe in high school I was Buffy. Xander: And now in college you're Betty Louise? Buffy: Yeah, I'm Betty Louise Plotnick of East Cupcake, Illinois. Or I might as well be. Xander gets up and crouches down in front of her. Xander: Buffy, I've gone through some fairly dark times in my life, faced some scary things, among them the kitchen at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club.' Let me tell you something, when it's dark and I'm all alone and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think, 'What would Buffy do?' You're my hero. Ok, sometimes when it's dark and I'm all alone I think, 'What is Buffy wearing?' Buffy: Can that be one of those things you never, ever, tell me about? Xander: It's a deal. (He stands up.) Let's put this bitch in the ground! What do you say? She holds out her right hand and he helps her up. Buffy: I think I say thank you. Xander: And nothing says thank you like dollars in the waistband. Ok, what do we do first? Interior. Some type of office with a computer and file cabinets. The glass in the door is broken, Buffy's at the counter working the computer and Xander is examining newspapers at a desk. Buffy: Kids disappearing every year. Not too many, just enough so that everyone thinks they up and left. Xander: I can't believe the vampires took your stuff. Murder I expect, but petty larceny seems so... petty. Buffy: They have to be keeping it somewhere, on campus or at least near by. Xander: Hey, how far back do the disappearances go? Buffy types at the keyboard, we see she's still not using her left arm. Buffy: Uhh... they weren't too common before '82. Xander: Match number! Check this out. (He carries two newspapers over to the counter, and Buffy picks one up and reads it aloud.) Buffy: 'Psi Theta loses it's charter. Building to be closed for renovation.' Xander: 1982. Look at this. (He reads from the other paper.) 'Former Psi Theta fraternity house lies dormant while zoning issues drag on before the city council.' We have a winner. Buffy: Looks pretty cherry. Xander: You up for a little reconnaissance? Buffy: You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff? Xander: No, that was the renaissance. Buffy: Oh. I've had a really long week. Let's go look at the house. Nighttime. Exterior of a building with signs posted reading 'This Property Closed to the Public' and 'Keep Out.' Buffy and Xander arrive. Up on the roof, Buffy clears some debris from the skylight she is laying on. The vamps can be seen inside going through Buffy's things. Xander works his way to the skylight. Buffy: Score! Sunday is holding a skirt up to herself and mockingly shaking her hips. Sunday: (In a mocking voice.) Look how tough I am. Buffy: Oh! That's my skirt! You're never going to fit in it with those hips! We have to kill them! Xander: We need weapons. Buffy: I don't see my weapons trunk down there. It was right by my bed. Mr. Gordo? (Her voice turns to steele.) Go to my room. If it's not there try Willow's. I'll keep an eye... my diary?!? SpicoliVamp: Uh-oh, score! Xander: I'll hurry! (He works his way back from the skylight.) Buffy: Laugh all you want, this time we play it my way. And the rules are just going to be a little bit... (The skylight gives way and Buffy falls into the room.) Buffy: (Hitting the floor.) Unh! (The vamps all stop what they're doing and look at her.) Ahh. Ah. (She looks up at the vamps.) Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] Sunday: Say, don't I know you from... beating the crap out of you? Buffy: (Standing up.) I just thought I'd drop in. Get it? Drop in? Boy, tough room. Sunday: I must say, you've really got me now. I mean, it's a diabolical plan, throw yourself at my feet with a broken arm and no weapons of any kind. How'm I going to get out of this one? Buffy: You got a nice set-up here, but you made one mistake. Sunday: Yeah? What was that? Buffy: Well, I'm not actually positive, but statistically speaking people usually make at least... (Sunday punches her.) Kathy, Oz and Willow are in Buffy's and Kathy's dorm room. Kathy: It seems kind of weird. (She hands the note to Oz.) Oz: Yeah, weird's a pretty good word for it. Willow: Buffy wouldn't just take off, th-that's just not in her nature. Except for that one time she disappeared for several months and changed he name, but there were circumstances then. There's no circumstances. Kathy: Does Buffy have a history of emotional problems? 'Cause on my request form I was pretty specific about a stable non-smoker. Oz: I don't think this is her handwriting. Willow: I bet there were circumstances! We've probably been so wrapped up in our own petty lives that... that we totally missed the circumstances. We're bad friends! Oz: Let's think this through. Willow: How can you be so calm? Oz: Long, arduous hours of practice. Now either Buffy took off, or she was robbed, or... Xander: It's a prank! Willow: Xander! Xander walks into the room with arms spread wide. Xander: How are my guys? (He hugs Willow, then hugs Kathy.) I don't know you, do I? Kathy: No. Xander: This is very intrusive, isn't it? Kathy: Little bit. (Xander let's her go.) Xander: Xander. Kathy: Kathy. Xander: (Looks at Oz.) Do we hug? Oz: I think we're too manly. Willow: What's the prank? Xander: Prank? Oh, the room. Well some friends of Buffy's played a funny joke, and they took her stuff. And now she wants us to help get it back from her friends who sleep all day and have no tans. Willow: Oh! Those friends! Oz: Funny guys. Xander looks around the bed. Xander: They took the chest. Well, let's go! Let's go to our friend. It's nice meeting you Kathy. Xander, Oz and Willow leave. Kathy: You too! Outside in the hall. Xander: Let's go to Will's, get supplies. Willow: Is Buffy in danger? Xander: She's in a holding pattern, we've got some time. Vamps lair. Buffy falls as she gets hit again. On the floor, she looks over and sees her trunk. She starts to crawl toward it. Sunday steps in front of her holding Buffy's 'Class Protector' award. Sunday: Oh, and this. This is my favorite item. Buffy: You don't want to touch that. Sunday drops it on the floor and stomps down on the handle, breaking it. She moves over to Buffy and grabs her left arm. Sunday: You know this arm's not looking so good. It might have to come off. Buffy: You want to know the truth? I only need one. She hits Sunday with a roundhouse punch with her right fist, sending her spinning. She rolls to her feet and kicks Sunday in the face and flips her over the couch onto the coffee table. She catches some broken wood from the coffee table with her foot and kicks Sunday in the face with it. Sunday falls into a pile of clutter. SpicoliVamp: This is startin' to suck. Sunday gets up all vamped out. FatVamp runs in to help. Buffy grabs a tennis racket, steps onto the arm of a chair and roundhouse kicks Sunday and does a backhand swing with the racket into FatVamp's face, sending her flying over the couch and braking the frame off the racket making a perfect stake. Sunday moves in for some close-in fighting. A vamp (no doubt frightened by the sight of a vampire slayer with a stake) decides it's time to leave and moves toward the door, which opens with Xander in the lead and Oz behind him brandishing a cross in the vamp's face. They force the vamp back. SpicoliVamp sees Willow struggling with a crossbow and rushes her. Willow gets the crossbow up just in time and shoots the bolt through SpicoliVamp's heart. SpicoliVamp turns to dust, but before he's gone he says one last thing. SpicoliVamp: Woah! Sunday is lying on the floor with Buffy standing above her. Buffy: When you look back at this, in the three seconds it'll take you to turn to dust, (FatVamp decides it's a good time to leave and runs out.) I think you'll find the mistake was touching my stuff. Sunday gets to her feet and rushes Buffy, who swings one-armed at her which Sunday blocks, eventually catching the arm in a hold. Sunday: What about breaking your arm, (She grabs at Buffy's left arm) how'd that feel. Buffy: Let me answer that with a head butt. (She does and sends Sunday staggering.) Xander faces off with a vamp. Oz, behind the vamp, hits him on the head with a cross, then ducks down. When the vamp turns, Xander pushes him over Oz who straightens up and flips the vamp onto his back. Xander moves in for the kill and stakes him. He turns to dust. Buffy: And for the record, (Buffy makes a fist with her left hand.) the arm is hurt, (She uppercuts Sunday, sending her flying.) not broken. Another vamp, wearing a black tee shirt with a skull on it, takes off. Besides Sunday, there are no more vamps left in the house. The gang comes up behind Buffy. Oz: Hey, Buff. Need a hand? Buffy: (Brandishing a stake with a twirl.) No thanks, (She twists around throwing the stake into Sunday's heart.) I'm good. Sunday shakes her head and puts her hands on her hips as she turns to dust. Buffy goes over and retrieves her 'Class Protector' award. The gang leaves the house carrying Buffy's stuff in boxes, Xander carrying her trunk. Xander: So, all that other stuff in there? That's just gonna sit in there, right? Uh, I mean, no one owns it in the strictest sense. Oz: It seems wrong, somehow. Xander: Dibs on the rowing machine. Giles: Buffy! Giles runs up carrying a crossbow in one hand and in his other he has a cross and a battle axe. Willow: Hi, Giles. Xander: What's with the arsenal? Giles: I've been awake all night. I know I'm supposed to teach you self-reliance, but I can't leave you out there to fight alone. To hell with what's right, I'm ready to back you up. Let's find the evil a-and fight it together. Buffy: Great! Thanks! We'll get right on that. They step around him and continue on their way. Giles: The evil is this way? (He follows.) Buffy: My room is. Willow: Hey Giles, could you get this box on top? (He does.) Xander: So, college not so scary after all, hunh? Buffy: It's turning out to be a lot like high school, which I can handle. At least I know what to expect. Elsewhere. The vamp with the skull on his tee shirt is sneaking from tree to tree. He starts across a clear spot when he hears something and turns. Two darts from a tazer hit the skull design right above the eye sockets. The vamp convulses and goes down, but still conscious. From cover, three figures in camouflage clothing and masked faces step forward. One has a coil of rope, another has a pistol and the third has a rifle. They advance on the vamp. [Ending credits]

While Willow blossoms in the college environment, Buffy has a difficult time adjusting - getting lost, getting kicked out of a class for talking, meeting her Cher-loving roommate Kathy ( Dagney Kerr ) - and her Slaying suffers because of it.

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Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: You'll never believe what happened to me at work today. Leonard: Hmm? Penny: This old guy was choking on his food, and I saved his life. Leonard: You're kidding. Did you Heimlich him? Penny: No. I said, oh, my God, I think that old guy's choking, and then one of the busboys Heimlich'ed him. Leonard: You're a hero. Penny: Yeah, that was the point of the story. Leonard: Oh, yeah, speaking of work, do you know if you have Thursday night off? Penny: Um, I think so. Why? Leonard: What do you mean, why? It's Valentine's Day. Penny: Oh, right. Yeah, we can do something. Leonard: You could be a little more into it. Penny: No, I'm into it, I'm into it. Just, there's so much pressure to make the night special, and it never works out. Leonard: Okay, well, this time it's going to be different. Because I am like a romance ninja. You don't see it coming, and then bam, romance, watch out, hearts, kisses, love, ooh-ya! Penny: You know, sometimes I think I've made you so much cooler than you used to be, and then you go and do that. Scene: The stairwell. Sheldon: So, in conclusion, I believe the painful sensation felt after passing a meal of spicy chillies is proof that the rectum does possess the sense of taste. Amy: I concur, but you changed the subject. What are we doing for Valentine's Day? Sheldon: Oh, you caught that, did you? Credits sequence. Scene: The comic book store. Howard (on phone): Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay! Okay. Raj: Everything okay? Howard: Bernie's a little cranky since she's been working, like, 17 hours a day. And I've got a lot on my plate, too, because I've been busting my tail playing Assassin's Creed. Raj: Hey, Stuart, you got anything going on for Valentine's Day? Stuart: Not really. Other than hiding all the sharp objects around here and white-knuckling it till morning. What do you got going on? Raj: Oh, well, I was going to spend the night with my special little lady, but, uh, she got worms, and then I had to take her to the vet. Stuart: There must be something we can do. Raj: Well, uh, how about you keep the store open late, and we throw a party for all the people who don't have dates? Stuart That actually sounds kind of nice. Raj: Yeah, the theme will be that the greatest love a man can have is the love he has with himself. Stuart: That's good. Or maybe something a little less hand in the pants. Scene: Sheldon's office. Sheldon: Ah, Alex, excellent. I have a research problem that I believe you can help with. Alex: Oh, Dr. Cooper, thank you. I've been waiting for an opportunity to contribute to your scientific work. Sheldon: Oh, no, no. That's not going to happen, no. What I need you to do is find a Valentine's gift for my girlfriend. Alex: You realize I passed up an opportunity to work at Fermilab to take this job with you. Sheldon: Well, I guess those chaps will have to have someone else buy their girlfriends presents. Now, here is, let's see, this is, this is about two thousand dollars, um, I think she likes monkeys and the colour grey. Contribute to my work. Ah, kids say the darnedest things. Scene: Howard's lab. Leonard: Hey, you coming to lunch? Howard: Yeah, one second. Come here. I want to show you something. Leonard: What you looking at? Howard: Well, I was trying to come up with something really romantic to give Bernadette for Valentine's Day since she's been such a pain in the ass. Leonard: You can't find a card that says that? Howard: Check it out. I used the atomic force microscope in the material science lab and wrote our initials in a heart one one-thousandth the size of a grain of sand. Leonard: Oh, that's cool. Howard: A micro-valentine for a microbiologist. Leonard: From her micro-husband. That is amazing. How long did this take you? Howard: Mmm, about twelve hours. I pulled an all-nighter. Leonard: Oh, wow. Howard: Yeah, I know, it really took a bite out of my video game time. What are you and Penny doing? Leonard: Oh, I'm going to take her to a nice restaurant for dinner. Howard: Oh, that's not bad, but as far as romance goes, I think my gift hits it right out of... (Bumps into chair and drops the slide) Leonard: Want to come to dinner with us? Howard: Yes, please. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Okay. Amy will be here shortly, expecting the perfect Valentine's gift, so, you're up kid. Dazzle me. Go. Alex: Okay, I think I have some really great choices. I went on Amy's Facebook page and read up on her interests. Sheldon: Now, see, I never would have thought to do that. Clearly, I made a good choice farming this out to you. But I am telling you, Amy hit the boyfriend jackpot. Anyway, my socks are on. Let's knock them off. Alex: Well, um, I know she loves playing the harp, so I found this beautiful music box that plays one of her favourite songs. Sheldon: Now, Amy already has a real harp. And it can play any song. What are you trying to pull here? Alex: No, I just thought it would be... Sheldon: Next. Alex: Okay. Um, I know she's a fan of The Canterbury Tales. Sheldon: Mmm. Alex: So I found this cool map that illustrates the character's journey through England. I thought we could put it in a really nice frame. Sheldon: But she's got Google Maps on her phone. Alex: I don't know how to respond to that. Sheldon: Well, I hope it's with a third good option, because these first two, buh. Alex: Okay. Well, uh, luckily, I saved the best for last. Since Amy's a neuroscientist, I did some research and found out that Santiago Ramon y Cajal, the father of modern neuroscience, did lots of hand drawings of brain cells. And I managed to find this signed print. Sheldon: Wow. Oh, this is truly remarkable. Alex: Thank you. Sheldon: I think I'll keep it for myself. Alex: What about your girlfriend? Sheldon: It's too late. I call dibs. Scene: a restaurant. Penny: This place is really beautiful. Leonard: Waugh, romance ninja. Penny: Hey. Howard: Sorry we're late. Penny: No problem. We just sat down. Leonard: Mmm, would you like some wine? Bernadette: Yeah, fill her up. I'll tell you when to stop. Penny: Is everything okay? Howard: Terrific. Couldn't be better. Bernadette: Oh, bite me. Howard: Look, we can still have a nice night. Just tell me where it is. Bernadette: Maybe if you did what you said you were going to do, I'd tell you. Leonard: Uh, where what is? Howard: She hid my Xbox like I'm a child. Yeah, and my mom got me that for my birthday, so if you don't give it back, I'm telling. Bernadette: I've been working late every night. All I asked was that he clean the apartment and do one load of laundry. But did he do it? No. He just kept on playing that stupid game. You like pushing buttons so much, try pushing them on the washing machine. Howard: I said I'm sorry. Bernadette: Sorry doesn't clean my underpants, buddy. Howard: I told you, turn them inside out. Bernadette: And I told you to bite me. Leonard: Trying to have a magical night here, guys. Penny: Oh, son of a bitch. Leonard: What? Penny: Nothing. Nothing. Leonard: No, tell me. Penny: It's just this guy I used to date. Leonard: Oh. Penny: Until he cheated on me with my friend Gretchen, who's here with him now. Leonard: You're kidding. Penny: And it looks like she lost a lot of weight, damn it. Leonard: I know it's not ideal, but don't let them ruin our night. Penny: No, you're totally right. She could be skinny 'cause she's dying. Leonard: That's the spirit. Penny: You know what, screw them. Our night is going to be way more special than theirs. Leonard: Yeah. Bernadette: Uh-oh. Penny: What? (Penny's ex is proposing to Gretchen) Oh, you got to be kidding me. Gretchen: Oh, my God, yes. Of course I'll marry you. Leonard: Two can play this game. Penny... Penny: Get up. Leonard: All right. Scene: The comic book store. Raj: It's nice that all the people who are lonely on Valentine's Day can come here tonight and be together. Stuart: Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. In fact, there's no place I would rather be than here. Raj: Except on a date with anybody. Stuart: Literally anybody. Raj: You know, you and I have so much fun hanging out. If you were a girl, all our problems would be solved. Stuart: What? Raj: Oh, yeah, think about it. We'd hang out, we'd read comic books, we'd see movies. It'd be like the best relationship ever. Stuart: That does sound nice. Raj: Then I'd take you home, slip off your little black dress and just pile-drive you into oblivion. Stuart: What? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The restaurant. Penny: Oh, I can't believe he's going to marry the girl he cheated on me with. Leonard: Isn't it kind of nice? I mean, he was with the wrong person, and now he found the right person. Penny: What, so I'm the wrong person? Maybe you want to be with Gretchen, too. Bernadette: They do look happy. Howard: Yeah, maybe tonight. But a year from now, he'll be crawling under the sink looking for his Xbox. Well, he will. Leonard: You know what? Why don't we just forget about them and enjoy our Valentine's Day? Penny: Yes, absolutely. Now they're doing that phony link-arm-drink thingy. I totally taught him that. Leonard: I thought we were letting it go. Penny: We were; it's just, it's not fair, okay? They're bad people. It's not supposed to end happy for them, it's supposed to end happy for me. Leonard: Um, it did end happy for you. You're here with me. Penny: Yeah, yeah, I know. Leonard: Okay, this is getting a little hard to not take personally. Penny: Oh, come on, don't make this about you. Leonard: Oh, I'm not. It's about you. Penny: Yeah, well, whatever, okay? I told you, Valentine's Day sucks. Leonard: This one does, and you're the reason why. Penny: What? Bernadette: You know, compared to them, I'm feeling pretty good about us. Howard: Me, too. How about we blow off dessert, go home early, I'll do that laundry. Bernadette: Thank you. Howard: I love you. Bernadette: Love you, too. Howard: So where'd you hide it? Bernadette: Where you'd never look. Howard: Damn it, it's in the washing machine. Scene: The apartment. Amy: Hello. Sheldon: Hello. Amy: Happy Valentine's Day. Sheldon: Okay. Shall we go to dinner? Amy: Hang on. As you know, I had planned a traditional evening of romance and gifts. Sheldon: Yes, and as you know, I planned to pretend to enjoy it. I've been working on this facial expression all day. Amy: And I appreciate your effort, but upon contemplation, I decided I was being selfish. So, I cancelled our dinner reservations and came up with an even better way to celebrate Valentine's Day. Sheldon: What is that? Amy: By doing none of it. No dinner, no romance, no gifts. We stay here, order a pizza and watch one of your beloved Star War Trek things. Sheldon: Really? Amy: Well, that's what you'd love, isn't it? Sheldon: More than anything. Amy: Well, then, that's what we're going to do. Sheldon: Well, I don't know what to say. This is the most thoughtful gift that anyone's ever given me. And that's including an amazing gift that I gave myself earlier today. Amy: I'm your girlfriend. That's my job. And I know gift-giving puts a lot of pressure on you, so whatever you got me, you can return. Sheldon: No. No, after everything you didn't do for me tonight, I want you to have it. Amy: What's this? Sheldon: Read it. Amy: Sheldon Cooper, Caltech University employee information? Sheldon: At the bottom. Amy: In case of emergency, please contact... Amy Farrah Fowler. And there's my phone number. This is the most beautiful gift you could've ever given me. Sheldon: Well, I thought, if I have a stroke or a kidney stone, who would I want to share that with? Amy: And you picked me. Sheldon: It's like you said, you're my girlfriend. Amy: Oh, Sheldon. Sheldon: Yeah. Okay. Stop ruining Valentine's Day and order my pizza. Scene: The stairwell. Penny: Night. Leonard: Yep. You know what? That was pretty crappy of you. I mean, all I wanted to do was give you a great night, and it's like you-you went out of your way to destroy it. Penny: Yeah, I know. I'm a total bitch. Leonard: I'm not saying that. Penny: Well, I am. Leonard: Fine, you win. You're a bitch. Why couldn't we just have a nice time? Penny: I don't know. Maybe 'cause things are going so well between us lately and I've been really happy. Leonard: Okay, you're gonna have to make a lot more sense than that. Penny: Obviously, I have some commitment issues. Leonard: Glaringly obvious. Go on. Penny: As long as things keep going great between us, you'll keep asking me to marry you, and eventually I'm gonna end up saying yes, and then we're gonna be married forever, and the whole thing just freaks me out. Leonard: Okay. I know I propose a lot. So how about this? I promise I will never ask you to marry me again. Penny: What, what do you mean? Are you breaking up with me? Leonard: No. No, no, no, no. But if someday you decide you want to get married, you have to propose to me. Penny: Really? Leonard: Yes. It's all on you. But I got to tell you, when the time comes, I want the whole nine yards. I want you down on one knee, flowers, I want to be swept off my feet. Penny: Yeah, you got it. Leonard: And I'm cool with surprises. But nothing on a Jumbotron. I don't want to cry on a big screen like that. Penny: Okay. You know what? This might be the wine talking, but I have a very important question to ask you. Leonard: You do? Penny: Leonard Hofstadter? Leonard: Yes? Penny: Will you be my valentine? Leonard: Sorry. Maybe next year. I'm just kidding. Romance ninja. Let's have s*x. Waugh! Scene: The comic book store. Nerdy guy: Thank you, guys, for doing this. Raj: We're glad you could make it. Nerdy guy: Usually I spend Valentine's Day sad and alone. This year, I'm just sad. Raj: What is it about this holiday that makes people so unhappy? Stuart: I know. I hate myself most of the time, but tonight's the night I know everyone else does, too. Nerdy guy: I think you're cool. Stuart: Great. Raj: I got to tell you, we've got to stop beating ourselves up like this. Excuse me, everybody. Can I have your attention, please? We're all here tonight because we have no one to be with. But that doesn't make us mutants. The only mutants here are in these comic books. We've got to stop defining our self-worth by whether or not we're in a relationship. You know what I see when I look around? I see a room full of great people. So let's give ourselves a break. We are a community, and as long as we have each other, we're never truly alone. Girl: That was cool. What you said. Raj: You really think so? Girl: Yeah, I do. Raj: Thank you. Uh, would you like to, uh, get a cup, a cup of coffee or...? Girl: Okay. Raj: Later, losers! Scene: Amy's lab. Phone rings. Amy: Hello? Another medical emergency? What's wrong with him now? I seriously doubt he was bitten by a Chinese bird spider. How exactly does a bump feel Asian? Just put him on the phone. Sheldon, I am not driving over there again. Because I drove over there yesterday for a brain tumour that turned out to be an ice cream headache. Yes, I still want to be your emergency contact. Yes, you can eat your ice cream too fast and also have a brain tumour. I'm on my way. Brain tumour would explain a lot.

On Valentine's Day, Leonard & Penny share a dinner date with Howard & Bernadette, who are in a foul mood as she hid his Xbox when he played Assassin's Creed instead of doing the laundry. Leonard & Penny are happy until she sees an ex-boyfriend propose to a girlfriend, triggering an argument with Leonard who later confronts her for ruining their date: she tells Leonard that she's really happy with their relationship and fears he will one day propose before she is ready. He says he will not propose again and suggests that she propose to him when she is ready. Penny accepts this and they reconcile. Meanwhile, Sheldon has Alex buy a Valentine gift for Amy. Alex buys three: a harp-shaped music box with Amy's favorites; a map of The Canterbury Tales journeys; a signed print of a brain cell drawing by Santiago Ramon y Cajal. He picks the print but keeps it. Amy suggests celebrating as he'd wish: no romance or gifts; a pizza; a Star Trek or Star Wars DVD. Touched, he makes her his emergency contact. Her delight turns to annoyance at frequent work interruptions to tend his hypochondria. Elsewhere, Raj and Stuart, both without dates that day, throw a store party for fellow singles, where Raj orates that singles are not truly alone, having one other - but when guest Lucy praises his speech, he asks her out for coffee, derides singles, and leaves with her.

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Scene opens to a large metal gate. A woman opens the gate to pass through it as the subtitle "Universitat Van Amsterdam" appears onscreen. The woman is wearing a small pack on her back and is seen jogging through a couple of halls until she skids to a stop and enters a classroom and sits down in an already full classroom. A female teacher who appears to be in her mid to late 30's, pretty, attractive, dressed conservatively stands at the head of the class. Teacher: Okay, settle. Notebooks out. We're going to start with three sentences; at least one noun and one verb in each one...in English. Uh, Martina...why don't you go first: three things you saw on your way to class today. Martina: Uh, I saw a man...pedd...peddling his bicycle? Teacher: Peddling...good, good. Martina: And then I saw...my friend Klaus kiss Katrina Walt. And then I saw Katrina slap Klaus' face...(class laughs) It's true! Katrina hates Klaus. A cell phone starts to ring. The teacher looks around the room, but the ringing continues and no one seems to be answering it. She notices the girl who was running to class's backpack on the floor by her desk. Teacher: Anna, please. Turn your phone off. Anna gives the teacher a funny look, as does a couple of other kids in the class. Teacher (more sternly): Your phone; turn it off. Anna reaches into her backpack and pulls out the cellphone. Anna: It...wasn't ringing. The teacher looks suddenly frightened as her eyes dart back and forth. Her breathing becomes quick gasps. Grabbing her pack-like purse she says as she hurries down the aisle out of the classroom: Teacher: Martina...take over class. Martina and other students turn to stare after their teacher as she hurries out. Cut to her in the hallway. She turns a corner hurriedly only to come face to face with a tall ugly man talking into a cellphone. He looks menacingly at her. More panicked now, the teacher starts down the hallway in the other direction, pulling a revolver from her purse as she runs. Suddenly another man steps out from the shadows at the other end of the hallway, pointing a gun at her. Gasping, she turns again and sees the cell-phone guy at the other end of the hallway, slowly screwing a silencer into place on his revolver. She turns, her gun square, prepared to shoot the first man, but suddenly, he's not there. She turns to face the man with the silencer, gun still drawn...but he's gone, too. Still holding her gun up in front of her, her eyes wild, Martina steps into the hallway and into the teacher's line of fire. Martina looks shocked. Martina: Mrs. Cowell!? The teacher looks past Martina and the man with the silencer is back. She trains her gun past Martina and onto the man. Martina (panicked): Mrs. Cowell!? The teacher speaks to Martina wildly in Dutch, her eyes still trained on the end of the hall. Teacher: Vertel hen het is grappig. Then, with Martina looking on, she puts the gun under her own chin and we see Martina's shocked face as the gun goes off. CUT TO BLACK LOS (A)NGELES Evening establishing shot of LA skyline. Cut to Sydney and Vaughn playing ice hockey. Vaughn and Syd skate side by side, carefully passing the puck back and forth. Sydney awkwardly skates forward, carrying the puck as she says like a hockey announcer: Sydney: Bobby Orr...moves in for the shot... Suddenly Sydney loses her footing and falls very ungracefully face first onto the ice. Vaughn giggles as he skates over to her. She's also giggling as she turns onto her side and puts her arm out for Vaughn to pull her up. Sydney (joking): Don't laugh at me! Vaughn: Oh, I wouldn't dream of it. (pulls her to a stand) Lemme get your stick. Sydney brushes the snow from her arms as Vaughn retrieves her hockey stick and hands it back to her. They are both standing in front of the net. Vaughn: Okay, let 'er rip. Sydney takes a shot and she pulls it to the side, missing the net. Vaughn stands right behind her, pulling her into position. Vaughn: Here...move back...(positions her and then helps her with her shot as it goes in the net) Use a little more wrist. You just put a little more snap in it, like this. Vaughn demonstrates his rising wrist shot. Vaughn: Lift it up. Sydney: What position did you play? Vaughn: I was defense. In high school, coach moved me up to center. Sydney (taking another shot): You were a chick magnet, right? Vaughn (laughing): Actually, my first face off I took as a center, I got knocked right on my ass. The other team's center was like this 15-year-old 6 foot 2, bearded...actually, probably on steroids, now that I think about it... Sydney giggles. Vaughn: Finally, there was 12 seconds left, we were down by a goal... I'd had my teeth kicked in so many times I just said "Screw it..." I stopped caring, won the draw, skated around him, moved in for the shot (skating around Sydney and taking a shot at the net as if demonstrating what happened)... Sydney: You tied the game... Vaughn: Nah, I hit the post. (sighs) But I did learn something...about how we can let fear get in the way. Syd...I know you want to take things slow, but...what are you afraid of? They share a long look and Sydney looks as if she's about to answer, when both their cell phones start to ring. Vaughn gives Syd a semi-exasperated look as they answer their phones. Sydney: Yeah. Cut to a scene of the subway station outside APO. Cut to the main entrance of APO as the door hisses open, allowing Syd (in slo mo) to enter. Cut to a DOD picture of the teacher we saw in the opening scene. Sloane (voiceover): Her name is Nancy Cahill; an operative at Langley's Narcotics Task Force... Sloane: ...specializing in the development of new synthetics. She's been stationed in Europe for the past three years. Her cover: Associate Professor at Amsterdam University. In the briefing room, the APO crew open their dossier folders. Sloane: She shot herself 36 hours ago: an eyewitness report; a student from Cahill's class. Sydney (reading from transcript): "Vertel hen het is grappig." Tell them it's funny... Jack: Cahill's most recent psych eval reported nothing of note. Mental status reviews have been exemplary. Vaughn: What's our assignment? Sloane (putting another photo up on the screen): Cahill's husband, Jason,also an agent, has gone off the grid. Hasn't been in touch with his handler in 3 weeks. All attempts to contact him after his wife's death have been unsuccessful. Our objective is quite simple: locate Jason Cahill. So Dixon, you take Weiss; retrace Nancy Cahill's final days. Vaughn, you and Nadia do the same thing for Jason Cahill. Sydney, Jack, the Cahill's Amsterdam apartment...standard protocol: recover all files, classified computers, any evidence of CIA affiliation. Any questions? CUT TO BLACK AMS(T)ERDAM Cut to the outside of an upscale apartment building, evening. Cut to Sydney and Jack walking down a darkened hallway with flashlights and entering the Cahill's apartment. Sydney goes to turn on a lamp in the living room, but it doesn't go on. She walks over to another lamp and shines her flashlight on it from the top. Sydney: No bulbs. Jack and Sydney continue searching by flashlight. Sydney finds a picture of the Cahill's, smiling and happy. She sets it back down and moves on. Jack finds something that looks suspicious and stops to check it out. Sydney moves on to the kitchen, trying the lightswitch in there, but that one doesn't work, either. Jack removes a false backing on the television set and pulls out a small laptop computer. Cut back and forth between Sydney searching the kitchen and Jack unwrapping and accessing the laptop. Sydney looks in drawers, in the fridge, while Jack attaches a USB memory pod to the computer to download information. Sydney opens a cupboard and moves a few pots to reveal a small hidden door which is locked with a padlock. Sydney can see that there is an open area behind the door through the slats, so she picks the lock and opens the door, crawling inside. She finds a small concrete bunker-like crawlspace. Papers strewn on the floor blow restlessly as she continues cautiously down the corridor. There are papers taped the the walls, filled with gibberish writing and disturbing drawings. Sydney shines her light to the floor to find flies gathering around what must be days old remnants of food on a plate. Sydney continues to look nervously around the walls at more and more papers with nonsensical writing and dark, frightening pictures drawn on them. She turns to the side to continue down a curve in the hallway when she is suddenly attacked. Jason Cahill, who appears completely insane, grabs Sydney and bites her on the neck as she struggles to push him away. Suddenly, it appears he's vomiting blood onto her and then he collapses on top of her. Sydney looks up to see Jack with his gun drawn, obviously having just shot Cahill in the back. Jack looks unnerved by what he just saw. Sydney pushes Cahill off of her and sits up, gasping. CUT TO BLACK Alias Theme (or now is the time in Alias when we dance!) Sydney, now back at APO's Medical Services, is lying on a table in a red hospital gown. She lies quietly as they take a CAT scan of her brain with a concerned Jack watching from behind the technicians. Cut to Sydney, now fully dressed with a bandage over the bite wound on her neck, nervously tapping a rubber knee mallet against her hand. She looks up as a doctor enters the room. Doctor: Good news, Agent Bristow. Your blood work's negative and your scans are clean. The doctor leans in toward her. Doctor: May I? Sydney: Sure. The doctor removes the bandage to inspect the bite wound. Doctor: Looks fine. My little brother did the same thing to me once; bit me like this. Jack: Perhaps you can tell us now what you were looking for in the CAT scan. Cut to Sydney, Jack, and the Doctor entering another room. Doctor: The Cahills came in contact with a drug that affected the nervous system. The pineal gland... The doctor walks closer and we see Jason Cahill on a table with the top of his cranium removed, exposing his brain. Doctor: ...was about twice its normal size. Nancy Cahill's autopsy revealed the same condition. Sydney: Which indicates what? Doctor: By itself? Nothing. The pineal creates melatonin, which regulates sleep cycles and body temperature. However, actute melatonin imbalance has been known to create uncharacteristic behavior, even acts of extreme violence. Sydney: The writing in Cahill's closet; it seemed like he was suffering from severe paranoia: seeing demons. Doctor: I know. I initially assumed we were dealing with a psychotropic, but hallucinogens have particular biochemical markers, none of which were present here. Jack: No matter what drug Jason Cahill may have been exposed to, he couldn't have transmitted it to Sydney by biting her...so why the CAT scan? Doctor: The Cahills dealt with emerging drugs. I wanted to take every precaution, but all of our diagnostics indicate that you're fine. Do you feel okay? Sydney: Fine. Jack gives one skeptical glance at the doctor. Cut to Sloane, sitting at his desk in his office. Sloane: Langley wants to know what substance the Cahills came in contact with, who's manufacturing it, what's it being used for. So, what do we know? Vaughn: Neither Cahill travelled outside Amsterdam in the past month. In her last days, Nancy placed twice her usual amount of phone calls. They were routed through anonymous relays; standard deep cover protocol. Marshall: Well, if you give me the routing numbers, I'll see if I can hack a backtrace. Now, as far as Cahill's laptop, the hard drive was erased, but it's possible the files weren't completely rewritten. I'll see if I can reconstruct them. Sloane (holding up one of Jason Cahill's papers): Okay, what do we know about these? Weiss: Jason Cahill was analyzing data; names, dates, links between sources. He was looking for something...I don't know, maybe his mind...this guy was really crazy. His wife actually locked him...(trailing off as he notices Jack entering the room)...in his...closet... Jack: Sydney's fine. She's just exhausted; she hasn't slept in 36 hours, so I'm sending her home. Sloane: Yes, yes of course. Vaughn: Excuse me. Vaughn gets up and leaves the room and approaches Sydney. Vaughn: Hey. Sydney: Hey. They start walking together. Vaughn takes a peek at the bandage on Syd's neck. Sydney (teasing): Oh, you think it's sexy, don't you? Vaughn (teasing back): Only if I'd done it. (more serious) You need a ride home? Sydney: No, thanks. I was freaked out...but now I'm just tired. Good night. Sydney walks away as Vaughn watches her go with a concerned look. Cut to the readout of a digital clock as it changes for 12:10 am to 12: 11. Cut to Sydney, lying awake in bed. She rubs her forehead, but when she closes her eyes, she sees Jason Cahill's snarling face above her. Cut to Sydney, now lying on her side. She turns over and her clock now reads 1:45 am. She gets up and goes into her bathroom. She studies herself in the mirror for a long moment, then slowly removes the bandage to study the bite mark. Then she self-consciously covers it with her hair. She looks down on the vanity and notices a small spider. She watches it as it crawls along next to a prescription bottle. She picks up the bottle, but the spider is suddenly gone. She moves another bottle, but still doesn't see the spider. She studies her reflection in the mirror again for a long moment. Cut to Sydney searching in a drawer in the bathroom. She pulls out a digital thermometer. Cut to Weiss and Nadia as they arrive home. Weiss (obviously finishing a conversation started off camera): He still thinks that's funny. Nadia says something intelligible. Weiss: Greeaaat. Nadia looks up and notices Sydney standing in the doorway of her bedroom. Nadia: Oh, God...I hope we didn't wake you up. How are you doing? Sydney: I'm fine. I had a headache; I couldn't sleep. I'm fine. Have you...learned anything new? Weiss: Umm...well, lemme just say, Cahill's papers? Just thinking about them...makes my head hurt. Nadia: Marshall said he's making some progress with Cahill's hard disk. He thinks he may be able to retrieve the data. Weiss: Yeah. Weiss starts fidgeting with his overcoat, as if unsure if he should remove it or not. Sydney (smirking): Oh...Are you s... Weiss: What? Staying over? No... Nadia turns and gives Weiss an amused look. Weiss (suddenly unsure): Unless I am...am I? Nadia (amused): You're not. Weiss: I'm not. Nadia: I'll walk you out. Weiss: She'll walk me out...She almost said yes...you saw that, right? Nadia (talking over Weiss): Right now... (pushing on his arm) Weiss (to Sydney): This close...I was...(to Sydney) Good night. Sydney: Good night. Sydney looks down at the thermometer in her hand as it starts to beep. The reading on it says: 111 degress F. Sydney puts her hand to her head and rubs at her eye and the side of her head. When she looks back down, the thermometer's temperature is still rising, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116. CUT TO BLACK The scene opens to Sydney (obviously the next morning), standing in front of a wall of monitors, flipping through scans of Jason Cahill's papers, studying them. She scans in on one particular page until the scrawled word "Vampire" practically fills the screen. (From behind her) Vaughn: Hey. Sydney jumps nervously. Vaughn smiles apologetically and Sydney smiles back. Vaughn: Sorry. You're here early... Sydney: I couldn't sleep. Vaughn nods. Sydney: What do you think about this? Was Jason Cahill just...delusional? Vaughn: Well, we're assuming the Cahills realized they were affected by something they came in contact with...probably a drug from one of their sources, but...which source, which drug, they didn't know. Looks like they were retracing their steps, trying to figure it out. Sydney: Maybe looking for an antidote. Vaughn nods. Cut to the APO group around the briefing table. Marshall: I thought I was losing my mind. The hard disk was wiped clean, remember? But the data recovery wasn't a problem. The files were fragmented. Sydney: What's on the disk? Marshall: The motherlode: Cahill's travel itinerary, dead drop protocols, routing numbers for discretionary funds... Sloane: What's pressing for now is that according to his records, Jason Cahill has a meeting scheduled for Bucharest. His contact is known to him as "The Count". Sydney: The Count!? You've gotta be kidding me... Vaughn: No, the Count is mentioned several times in Cahill's papers. He seems to be one of their sources. He supplies them with samples of new drugs. Marshall: Now, here is a photo...I retreived it from one of Cahill's disks... (a photo of "The Count" pops up onscreen) Marshall: Ladies and Gentlemen...introducing The Count. Sloane: The meeting is tomorrow night. Obviously, Cahill won't attend, but we will. Sydney, you will identify yourself as an associate of Jason, you'll lead him into a conversation, and find out what drugs he'd acquired for them. Dixon: It's a mistake. Both Sydney and Sloane turn to look at Dixon. Sloane: I beg your pardon. Dixon: Sending Sydney back into the field so quickly. It's a tactical error. Sydney: No, it's... Dixon: Sydney, someone else can do this. Sydney: I'm fine. Sloane: That's it. Sloane and Dixon stare each other down. Cut to Sydney and Marshall walking from the briefing. Marshall: Well, you know, based on my limited experience with mind-altering drugs, this one must have been a doozy. Sydney: Theoretically, could the drug's effects have a delayed reaction? Marshall: Well, there is a half hour or so for it to kick in... Sydney: That's not what I mean. I mean a while, like a...day or two. Marshall: Uh, no, not sure...hold on a second...it's my wife. (answers cell phone) Hey, honey... (whispering to Syd) I'll look into it, okay? Marshall turns and walks into his office. Marshall: Yeah, sure, put him on. (in a voice you'd use for young children) Hey, Boo Boo! Daddy loves you, yes he does! As Sydney turns, she sees Nadia at her desk holding up a CD. Sydney approaches her. Nadia hands it to her. Nadia: Scans of Cahill's papers, his references to The Count. Sydney: Thank you. Sydney puts her hand to her forehead suddenly, as if in pain. Nadia: Another headache? Sydney: Yeah. Nadia: I've got some aspirin; you want it? Sydney: No. Thanks. This is gonna sound crazy. After you got home last night, I took my temperature. Nadia: MmmHmm? Sydney: It was 111. Nadia: Syd, that's not possible. Sydney: I know. I must have been dreaming, right? Nadia: Have you told Dr. Jain? Sydney: Everything was back to normal this morning; all my tests came back negative. Nadia: You have to let them know. Sydney: Well, you just said it yourself: It's not possible. Nadia: It's not, but you still have to. Sydney: If I tell them, they'll sideline me for who knows how long. Nadia: If you don't tell them, I will. Sydney: Nadia, I'm fine. I shouldn't have said anything. Vaughn walks up to them. Vaughn: Hi. They both turn to look at him. Vaughn: The plane's waiting. Sydney: Okay. Sydney and Nadia give each other meaningful looks, and Vaughn notices. Vaughn: Uh, what's going on here...girl stuff? Nadia pauses, and then says: Nadia: People stuff. (to Sydney) Be safe. Sydney nods and walks away with Vaughn. Nadia also looks concerned. Cut to Dixon, walking into Sloane's office. Dixon: You wanted to see me? Sloane: Yes, please. Sloane indicates that Dixon should approach and he does. Sloane: You know, Marcus...I appreciate your friendship with Sydney. Having said that, whether or not an agent is fit for duty is my decision. Dixon: We both know Sydney has a history of putting her work ahead of her own wellbeing. I was just suggesting that someone else... Sloane: Dixon... In the 11 years you worked for me at SD-6, I came to recognize your brilliance as a field agent. But during those 11 years, not once did you suspect you were working for a renegade organization. Dixon's face goes cold. Dixon: What are you suggesting? That somehow my loyalty is a liability? Sloane: I'm suggesting that you do your job, and that I do mine. Dixon, looking disgusted, walks away. CUT TO BLACK BUCHAR(E)ST Cut to a nighttime flyover scene of Bucharest. Cut to scans of Jason Cahill's drawings. Cut to see Sydney, sitting in a bathrobe drinking a mug of tea sitting in front of a laptop, studying the pictures. Vaughn is sitting in a chair nearby readying a pistol for the op. Jack walks into the room. Jack: 11:30; we should move. Sydney, when we find The Count, you'll approach him and see what he knows. If he gets suspicious, the abort code is "takedown". (to Vaughn) Once we're inside the club, you take point, I'll cover the back. Vaughn looks up to acknowledge Jack as Sydney goes to take another sip from her tea mug. When she looks down, she sees a giant tarantula climbing out of the top of the mug. Stunned, she drops the mug which spills blood all down the front of her, splashing onto her face. As she stands, the cup shatters on the floor. When she sits back down, however, we see that the stains on her bathrobe are not blood but tea. Vaughn (worried): Sydney! Jack stares down at her, also concerned. Sydney studies herself again, and, seeing that it is in fact just tea spilled on her, she says sheepishly: Sydney: The tea was hotter than I expected. (pause) Give me a minute to change? As she gets up and leaves the room, Jack and Vaughn share a concerned glance. Jack: I want one of us to have line-of-sight on her at all times. Vaughn nods grimly. Cut to Sydney walking into a "vampire" club (people sort of dressed like vampires and such, but just a nightclub). She is wearing a push up dress, a long cape and her hair in this bizarre reddish blonde wig with hair sticking up in the back. As she walks by Vaughn, seated at one of the bars, she asks: Sydney: Do you see him? Vaughn: Negative. Sydney continues to wander around the club as we see The Count walk up to another bar. Jack: Okay, he's at the front bar. Sydney: I'm on my way. Sydney sits down next to The Count at the bar. Sydney (in foreign language): We have a mutual friend. Count (in foreign language): I don't think so. Sydney (in foreign language): Jason Cahill. He couldn't be here. He sent me. The Count looks up suddenly at the mention of Cahill's name. Count: Is good, is good you come, but uh, not safe to talk in the open. In the hall, there's a balcony. Count to ten, meet me there. Sydney: He could run; I'm not gonna wait. Jack: I agree; go. We see The Count slowly weeding his way through the crowd and Sydney follows behind him. As she walks, sound around her becomes vaguely distorted, and it appears as if other patrons recognize her/toast her as she passes. She turns her head and sees a man sitting in a chair with a slight blond woman on his lap, passionately kissing her. She stops and stares in possible recognition. The two break apart and for a split second the man is Vaughn...but then another patron walks between them and we see that it is actually a stranger kissing an unknown woman. Unnerved, Sydney continues walking. Sydney climbs the stairs and walks into the balcony room by The Count, who locks the door behind them. Count (worried, afraid): Who are you? Why did Jason not come? Sydney: He's sick; he sent me to talk to you for him. Count (worried, agitated): He's sick!? He's sick how? Sydney: Listen, he wanted me to tell you... Count (pulling a gun from the waist band of his pants): You're lying. Who are you? Sydney: I'm not lying. Count (agitated): Turn around...I said turn around! The Count starts to frisk Sydney as she tells him, Sydney: Cahill is dead. His wife is too. The Count finds Sydney's pistol and steps away from her. Count: Who are you!? You police!? He throws Sydney's gun aside. Sydney: I don't know what they told you, but they're dead because... Count: Oh no, you lie again! Sydney: They were affected by a drug; I'm trying to find out what that is... Count (noticably upset by that news): Oh, my God... Sydney: You know that drug is; tell me what it is. The Count rushes Sydney and whacks her on the side of the head and bolts out the door. As the door opens, Vaughn comes from around the corner firing and the Count fires back. Vaughn: We're under fire! Takedown! Takedown! Cut to Jack running through the patrons of the club. Cut to Vaughn as he tackles the Count by the feet. They cascade down a half a flight of steps, stopping on the landing. The Count pulls out his pistol and Vaughn rushes him again, knocking them down the rest of the staircase. Vaughn grabs the Count by the lapels and punches him in the face, knocking him out. Sydney comes down the stairs behind Vaughn training a gun on the Count. Vaughn looks over his shoulder to see her standing there. Vaughn: You all right? Sydney: Your arm... We now see that Vaughn's arm was nicked by a bullet and is bleeding. Vaughn: I'm fine. Let's get him out of here. Cut to an ashtray with a smoking cigarette in it. Cut to The Count picking up that cigarette and taking a drag. Jack, followed by Sydney and Vaughn enter the room. Jack sits down at the table. Sydney: We know who you are, Andre Cirescu. Andre: Nice...that was good pronounciation. Sydney: We know you're Romanian national, 32 years old, charged twice with black market electronics. Jack: We know you were convicted three years ago for fencing stolen pharmaceuticals. Andre: Yes...I wanted to appeal this one... Jack (cutting him off): Tell us what you know about this man. Slides a photo of Jason Cahill across the table. Jack: I will only say that if you choose not to cooperate with us, you'll regret that decision for the rest of your life. Andre (not sure if Jack is serious): Who are you guys, huh? Jack: Just answer the question. Andre (nervously swallowing): He told me he was chemist. Worked for pharmaceutical company. He hired me to be his, um...spy. Keep eye on competition. Vaughn: In a sense, that's true, but in fact, you were spying on behalf of the US Government. Andre (brightening, as if pleased by this news): Oh... Vaughn: Who called the meeting, you or Cahill? Andre: He did. Vaughn: Why? Andre (shrugs): I don't know. Jack: You performed other jobs for him. Andre: Yeah. Jack: Start with the most recent. Andre: I need this...how do you say? pen... Sydney's cell phone rings as Jack hands Andre a pen. Sydney (to Vaughn): Marshall... Sydney walks into the kitchen to take the call. Cut to Marshall's lab as he walks to sit in front of a computer. Marshall: Hey, Syd...your idea? Well, you were right. Sydney: What idea? Marshall: The incubation period. Turns out I did some research and it turns out the Czechs, oh, well and some Germans...anyway, they've been toying around with some designer analogs across the blip brain barrier they'll be a pathogen. So, in other words, this drug works like a virus: Cut back to Syd, pouring herself a cup of tea, listening. Marshall: It gets in your blood and incubates for a few days. It infects you and then permanently alters your brain. Cut to Sydney's reaction to this news. Marshall: Weird, huh? Anyway, I called Dr. Jain, and he's gonna culture Cahill's blood and make sure that's not what we're dealing with, okay. Syd...this...isn't about...you, right? I mean, you're feeling okay, right? It's clear from Sydney's face she knows what's happening to her is exactly like what Marshall described. Sydney: Yeah. Thank you, Marshall. Marshall: No problem. That's what I'm here for. Sydney hangs up the phone. She looks devestated. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO BLACK Jack is sitting at the table, reading what Andre has written, while Andre rubs his head wearily and yawns. Sydney walks into the room, drinking from a tea mug. Jack: Nocturne. Two weeks ago, you delivered a sample of it to Cahill. Tell me about it. Andre: It comes in vial like this (indicates size with fingers). Cahill says is like speed, only better. Sydney: What do you mean like speed? Andre: You take, you don't sleep. Except not (imitates being jittery)...just energy, but no need to rest. Jack: You failed to include where it came from. Andre: Yes, because I don't know. As Andre continues to talk, Sydney notices him picking up a pistol from the table and beginning to load the gun with bullets. Andre: Nocture developed in Eastern Bloc. Sydney looks at Jack and then Vaughn, but neither one is reacting to the fact that Andre is loading the pistol right in front of them. Sydney closes her eyes for a moment as if to indicate she realizes what she's seeing must not be real and she's trying to make it go away. Andre: But I find no evidence of this, so...I ask an associate. One week later, he bring me a sample of Nocturne. Sydney watches as Andre spins the bullet barrel and closes it, and begins to place the gun in his mouth. Jack: He didn't tell you where he got the Nocturne? Andre: No. Andre appears to be looking right at Sydney, speaking only to her, stroking the gun along the side of his face. Andre: Is too bad for you...because you're dying, too. Sydney watches as Andre puts the gun in his mouth again. We focus on Sydney's face as she hears the gun discharge. She jumps at the sound...but then we cut back to Andre at the table, obviously fine with a gun nowhere near him. Everyone looks up at Sydney. Vaughn: You all right? Sydney (quietly): Yeah. Cut to a videophone screen with Sloane and Dr. Jain on it. Dr. Jain: It seems that Nocturne incorporates a stimulant which overrides the pineal gland. Cut to Vaughn, sitting on a couch on the other side of Jack. Vaughn: There was intel a few years ago that the North Koreans were working on an experimental program just like this one, trying to create 24 hour soldiers. Dr. Jain: And there have been others; all failures because no one understood the true biochemical nature of dreaming. Vaughn: So, the Cahill's delusions were...were forms of dreams? Dr. Jain: Nightmares, yes; in a matter of speaking. The problem being with these dreams? Once triggered... Jack leans forward on his knees, blocking our (Sydney's) view of Vaughn. Dr. Jain: ...there's no waking up. Cut to Sydney, watching the videoscreen, then to the screen itself. Sloane: Sydney, you listening? It's working, isn't it? Bit by bit, I'm wearing down your defenses. I'm gaining your trust. Sydney looks to the side as Jack sits back and instead of Vaughn sitting there, it's Sloane. Sloane: But we both know at some point, I'll betray you. And the people you care most deeply about? They'll die. Sloane leans back behind Jack again and we settle on Jack's face, worriedly watching Sydney as Sydney stares wild-eyed at the spot where she saw Sloane. Cut back to that spot, and Vaughn is sitting there, staring at Sydney also. Vaughn: Syd...you okay? Syd looks away, and then gets up and stalks into the other room, grabbing Andre in a choking grip and pushes him back into the chair he's sitting in. Sydney: You weren't surprised when I told you Cahill had died from Nocturne. You weren't surprised. Why weren't you surprised!? Andre: I don't know...I don't know what you mean! Sydney (fierce): What aren't you telling me!? Andre: I tell you everything. Sydney: Do not lie to me! Sydney starts choking Andre. Sydney: I'm one of them. Do you hear me, you son of a b****!? Cahill bit me! Sydney is yanked off of Andre by Jack and Vaughn. She steps back behind Vaughn. Andre: Okay! I know it was bad. This was why I was to meet Cahill! I contact him to tell him. I don't find Nocturne...at least, not what they make today. Vaughn: So what did you give Cahill? Andre: Old sample. It was meant to be destroyed. This drug, it go right through skin! Vaughn (bitterly): And he didn't know this. Andre (pleading for them to understand): I need money! I lied to him; I'm sorry. Behind them, Sydney starts to break down, leaning her weight on the back of a chair and putting her head down. Jack: From where!? Where did it come from!? Andre: I don't know...is somewhere in Prague. I don't know. Andre looks at Sydney with remorse. Andre: I'm sorry. I'm very sorry... Sydney leans her head down on the chair and starts to silently sob. Vaughn puts a comforting hand on her back as Jack turns back to Andre with a "What have you done?" look. Cut to daytime flyover of some buildings in downtown LA. Cut to Weiss and Nadia, still working on Cahill's data. Weiss: What was the last thing Nancy Cahill said to that eyewitness? "Vertel has hat es grappig?" Tell them it's funny!? That's gotta mean something else... Nadia thinks for a moment and then types the word "grappig" into the APO database. It immediately pops up with an information window. Nadia: The Grappig Group, Prague. Loose affiliation of biochemical engineers. (A photo pops up with more intel) Nadia: Milan Latuza, Grappig's senior chemist, specializes in synthesis and isolation of novel therapeutics. Weiss: Nancy Cahill had found where Nocturne originated, only she was too far gone to do anything about it. Cut to Jack listening to Sloane on videophone. Sloane: Jack, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but even if we could recover a sample of the drug, we don't have time to engineer an antidote. Sydney needs medical attention. Cut to Vaughn's distraught face and then to Sydney, lying on the couch with her eyes closed, moving restlessly. Vaughn: Unless Latuza's already taken that step for us. If they realized they made a bad batch of Nocturne, it's possible they manufactured a remedy. Jack: Contact the jet. We're going to Prague. CUT TO BLACK P( R )AGUE Cut to a black van pulling to a stop in an alley. Jack opens a laptop and is speaking to Vaughn. Jack: Once you've accessed Latuza's database, any files that may be even remotely related to Nocturne, research, test results, formulas... Cut to Sydney, uneasily listening from the front seat of the van. Vaughn: I'll grab what I can. After a pause, Vaughn: What if I don't find anything? Jack: Let's not discuss that here. Cut to Sydney, still listening the two of them. She hears them talking quietly to themselves and looks over her shoulder at them: Jack: Sydney's about as trustworthy as her mother. Vaughn looks over at Sydney worriedly. Vaughn: I know. Jack: I'm going to kill her just like I did Irina. Vaughn: Good. Jack: Latuza's office is on the 6th floor; you'll need to get a key. Vaughn: Yeah. Sydney turns back facing front. As Vaughn leaves the van, she surreptitiously slides a switchblade into her hand from a pack behind her chair. Sydney turns around just in time to see Jack pulling a pistol on her...but then suddenly he's only holding a bottle of water. She appears to realize that what she just saw was not real, and it disturbs her. Jack notices the look on her face. Jack: What is it? Sydney (tentatively): Dad.. She gets up and comes to sit behind her chair, facing him. Sydney: Do we have any tranquilizers? Jack: No. Sydney: Then I think you'd better tie me up. Jack looks horrified at the prospect of doing that as Sydney puts her head in her hand. Cut to a security guard in the building, sitting in front of a monitor console, talking to someone on the phone in a foreign language. Suddenly, some of the monitors and lights go out, then the rest go out. The guard goes off with a flashlight en route to the fuse box, but is knocked out by Vaughn when he gets there. Vaughn filches the guard's keys. Vaughn: All right, I'm in. Headed upstairs. Cut to Sydney's hands, pressed together in her lap as Jack wraps silver duct tape around her wrists. She is already bound around her chest to the back of the chair. Sydney looks up at Jack just as he finishes and sits back. Jack is visibly concerned, almost as if he wants to cry, knowing Sydney is suffering and is helpless to help her. Sydney: I'm gonna be all right, aren't I? Jack: Of course you will. Sydney: What if we can't make it stop? Jack: Shhh...don't talk... Jack's face goes blank and his voice is suddenly monotonic and cold. Jack: You can't imagine how much I hate it...when you talk. Sydney (startled): What? Jack: The reason I killed your mother? I had a desperate need to make her voice stop ringing in my ears. What torments me now, is that every time I look at you, I see your mother's face. Sydney (crying): Noooo! No...(shaking her head as if to clear it) That's not true. That's not... Jack (his voice full of emotion again): Sydney! Listen to me! This is all going to pass... Cut to Vaughn, searching by flashlight. Vaughn: All right, I'm on the 6th floor. How is she? Jack: Okay. Just get to the lab and find the damn antidote! Cut to Sydney, trying to hold back tears. Cut to Vaughn entering Latuza's office. Jack: Sydney, look at me. Breathe, in and out. That's right. (She looks up at him and breathes.) That's right. Good. The timbre of Jack's voice changes slightly. Jack: Look into my eyes... (Sydney does) They're the last thing you'll ever see... Sydney (keening): Noooo... Cut back to Jack's face. He's alarmed now, almost panicked. Jack: Sydney! I'm here with you! Cut back to Vaughn, still searching the office, opening and searching through filing cabinets, but he's not finding anything useful. Cut back to alarmed Jack in the van with Sydney. Jack: Sydney, look at me! Breathe! She nods as he continues is his alter ego voice, Jack: Your mother killed me...just like I'm gonna kill you. A tear rolls down her face as she shakes her head. Sydney: I won't let you! Jack: How are you going to stop me? You're tied up. Sydney looks down and sees that he's right and starts to cry. Jack's voice is again panicked, trying desperately to reach her. Jack: Sydney! I'm here with you. No one's going to harm you. I won't let anything (his voice breaks slightly here) happen to you! Sydney looks up pleadingly, tears in her eyes, and whispers, Sydney: Dad... Jack: I'm here, Sydney. Sydney looks off to the side for a moment as tears slide down her cheeks. Then she looks back and asks with a pitiful little girl voice, Sydney: Will you hug me? Jack (moved): Of course I will. Jack leans forward and gives Sydney a comforting hug, whispering to her, Jack: It's okay... He starts to pull back from her, he looks into her eyes...and she viciously head butts him, knocking him back. Jack (alarmed): Sydney! No! Sydney kicks him in the face, knocking him out. Then she opens the switchblade still hidden in her hand and starts to cut herself out of her bindings. Cut back to Vaughn in Latuza's office. Vaughn: Jack, can you hear me? Jack, what is it? What's happened? There's no answer from Jack. Desperately, Vaughn looks at a digital clock on the table in front of him...and seems to get an idea, following the cord to a power strip and then following another cord out to what appears to be a case. Vaughn opens the case to reveal a small refrigerator inside, filled with vials. Vaughn opens the door and searches the vials, grabbing one with yellow liquid inside and grabbing a needle from a nearby counter. Vaughn: I've got the antidote; I'm on my way. Vaughn opens the door to the van to find it trashed and deserted. Suddenly, he hears Sydney's desperate voice calling from down the alley, Sydney: Help! Help! Anybody! Vaughn runs down the alley until he's within 10 feet of her. Sydney: Help! Sydney looks down on the ground and looks like she is going to break down completely, tears streaming down her face. As Vaughn slows to a stop, she says, Sydney: My father...I think... Vaughn looks down and leaned up against the side of the brick building, sitting up and at least unconscious, is Jack. Vaughn (out of breath and incredulous): Sydney, what did you do? Sydney (crying hysterically): I think I killed him! CUT TO BLACK Sydney bends down and puts her hand on Jack's shoulder. Vaughn also leans over and...Sydney suddenly pulls a gun on him. Vaughn looks incredulous; he can't believe what he's seeing. Vaughn: What are you doing? Sydney: Get...get down. On your knees. Vaughn: Sydney...it's Michael. I've got the antidote; it's right here in this bag. Sydney (disbelieving): Don't lie to me. Vaughn: Oh Sydney...Sydney, listen to me... Syd starts to sob, but tells Vaughn sternly, Sydney: Put your hands up... now! Vaughn does. Sydney (accusing): I know what this is. This is a game to you! A cruel joke at my expense. Vaughn (doesn't understand): What, what's a game? Sydney: You and me. (she raises the gun and points it right at his face) Admit it. Vaughn (gently): No, Sydney...Sydney, listen to me. What are you scared of? Sydney: I am scared! Scared you're gonna betray me...again...like you did when you married Lauren. Vaughn: Sydney...I would never, ever hurt you... Sydney: Stop! Stop right there... Vaughn slowly closes in on Sydney, fully believing he can talk her into giving him the gun. Vaughn: You need to give me the gun, all right? Sydney (more desperate): I said stop! Vaughn: Just give me the gun... Vaughn starts to reach out his hand toward Sydney...and she pulls the trigger as Vaughn flinches...but there are no bullets in the gun and it clicks hollowly. For a split second, Vaughn looks at Sydney as he couldn't believe she'd actually tried to kill him..and then he knocks the gun out of her hands. She tries to punch him, but he grabs onto her fist, so she kicks him in the stomach. He grabs onto her leg instead, and she uses a flip move to knock him aside with her other leg. He bangs into a metal dumpster and she flips herself back to a stand. Vaughn turns to face her and attempts to block her punches and kicks without hurting her. She pins him by his neck against the dumpster. Vaughn (struggling): Sydney...don't do this... He grabs Sydney's head and headbutts her to get her to let go. He tries to grab Sydney's hands, but she grabs him by the back of the hair and shoves him back into the dumpster. He elbows her in the stomach and then shoves her backward, pinning her against the brick wall. Vaughn: Sydney, don't do this. Sydney leans down and bites Vaughn's hand, forcing him to let go. She puts her hand over his face to hold him off and then knees him in the gut. Then she grabs Vaughn by the hair and slams his face into the brick wall. He falls over backward. Sydney grabs a long metal pipe from the ground and hits Vaughn in the back as he tries to stand up and then sweeps his feet out from under him with it. She swings the pipe up to deliver the killing blow as Vaughn tries to shield himself... Vaughn: No! Jack grabs Sydney from behind, carefully choking her unconscious and laying her on the ground. Vaughn: You took the bullets out... Jack: Seemed a reasonable precaution. Vaughn goes over and collects his bag from the ground and pulls out the antidote and the needle. He fills the syringe and injects it into Sydney's arm. LOS AN(G)ELES Cut to daytime view of LA skyline. Sloane: Preliminary review by Medical Services: Sydney will be fine. Cut to Sloane, talking to the others at APO in his office. Sloane: For that, I know we are all deeply grateful. Furthermore, Interpol has raided both the office and laboratory of Dr. Milan Latuza. The Nocturne program has been dismantled. That threat is now over. Okay, that's it. The meeting starts to break up as people leave the room. Sloane: Dixon? Dixon turns and looks back. Sloane: Sending Sydney out...(nods his head) a tactical error, indeed. Dixon nods his head, then walks closer, getting right in Sloane's face. Dixon: I'd've said this earlier, but when I get done, it's likely you'll have me relieved of my position and I didn't want that to happen while Sydney was in the field. I've asked myself...countless times...why I never saw the...true nature of SD-6. For a while, I punished myself over it. Finally, I realized...my only failure was that of...imagination. Despite all the evil I'd encountered, I'd never imagined a person could exist...someone as throughly...toxic as yourself. I won't make that mistake again. You want us to believe you've reformed; that for the love of your daughter you've decided to listen to the better angels of your nature. Arvin...let's be honest: You don't have any. And on that inevitable day when your true motive reveals itself? I promise you...I'll be there. I'll be waiting. Dixon turns around and walks away, leaving Sloane to stare inscrutably after him. Cut to Sydney, lying in a hospital bed in Medical Services. She appears to be deep in troubled thought. She looks over at the doorway and Vaughn enters the room. Sydney: Hey. Vaughn: Hey. She looks up at him wide-eyed, almost as if she's afraid of what he might say. Sydney: Vaughn, what I said to you...what I did... Vaughn sits down on the side of Sydney's bed and lets out a sigh. Vaughn: Syd, you weren't yourself. Sydney (whispering): No. Vaughn shakes his head also and looks down. Sydney looks down, troubled, and then raises her head up to give Vaughn a small kiss. As they pull away from each other, Sydney gives Vaughn a tenative smile, which he returns. She looks down and to the side...and sees a spider crawling on top of her bedsheet. Vaughn turns to see what she's looking at, smiles slightly and then puts his hand down, scoops up the little spider to deposit it on the floor next to the bed. Smiling at Sydney, he says, Vaughn: My father liked spiders; he said they were good luck. Sydney gives Vaughn an almost playful side glance. Sydney: I've never heard that. Vaughn: No? They smile at each other and then Vaughn whispers to her, Vaughn: Get some rest. Sydney gingerly lies back down. Vaughn: I'll see you tomorrow. Sydney: All right. Vaughn leaves and Sydney is once again alone with her thoughts. CUT TO BLACK ~End~

Sydney comes in contact with an infectious drug and suffers deadly hallucinations. Dixon tells Arvin Sloane he suspects him of having a treacherous endgame and threatens to kill him when the time comes.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_02x20

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_02x20_0

[Salvatore's house] (Damon in in his bed and hears Elijah's conversation with Elena and Stefan. He gets p to rejoins them) Elijah: Tonight is the full moon. We should assume that Klaus is prepared to break the curse Stefan: Elena said that the Sun and the Moon curse is fake? That it's actually just a curse placed on Klaus Elijah: Klaus is a vampire born of a werewolf bloodline. The curse has kept his werewolf aspect from manifesting. But if he breaks it... He'll be a true hybrid (Damon rejoins them) Damon: Then why are we letting him break the curse? We can kill him today. With Bonnie Stefan: Damon... Elena: No. Bonnie can't use that much power without dying Damon: I'll write her a great eulogy Elena: It's not an option, Damon Stefan: All right, how do we break this curse? Elijah: Well, the ritual itself is relatively straightforward. The ingredients, so to speak, you already know Stefan: The moonstone Elijah: A witch will channel the power of the full moon to release the spell that's bound within the stone. After that, Klaus, being both werewolf and vampire, will sacrifice one of each Elena: And where do I fit into it? Elijah: The final part of the ritual (Elijah takes a wooden box from the shelf) Elijah: Klaus must drink the blood of the doppelganger... To the point of your death (Damon looks at Elena. Stefan takes Elena's hand. She looks at him. He opens the box and takes a jar from it) Elena: And that's where you come in Elijah: This is an elixir that I acquired some 500 years ago for Katerina. It possesses mystical properties of resuscitation Elena: So I'll be dead? Elijah: And then you won't Damon: That's your plan? A magical witch potion with no expiration date? (He looks at Elena) Damon: You want to come back to life, what about John's ring? Elijah: Those rings only work on humans. The doppelganger's a supernatural occurrence. Odds are, the ring won't work Damon: I'll take those odds over your elixir. What if it doesn't work, Elena? Elena: Then I guess I'll just be dead (Damon looks at Stefan. He shrugs. Damon looks at Elijah and leaves) Elena: Do we know if Klaus has everything he needs to do this? Does he have a werewolf? Elijah: Klaus has been waiting to break this curse for over a thousand years. If he doesn't already have a werewolf, my guess is by tonight, he will [Lockwood's mansion] (Carol is on the stairs. She's leaving a voicemail to Tyler) Carol: Tyler, honey. It's your mother. I don't know where you are, but I need you. I've had an accident and I'm in the hospital (She's upstairs. Maddox is here and she looks at him) Carol: Please, Tyler, come home (She hangs up and looks at Maddox) Carol: Why did I say that? Maddox: Because you had a terrible fall (He pushes her with his powers. She falls downstairs. Maddox looks at her. She's unconscious) [Salvatore's house] (Damon is outside, drinking scotch. Stefan rejoins him) Stefan: Breakfast of champions, huh? Damon: I'm surrounded by idiots. I need all the help I can get Stefan: You know, you're not helping Damon: Elijah is an original vampire, Stefan. One we tried to kill. You're going to believe this guy? Stefan: What do you want me to do, Damon? Elena made her decision. She's choosing to trust Elijah. I'm going to put my faith in her Damon: Why? She's going to end up dead Stefan: Because she put her faith in me. She chose to trust me in spite of what I am. I'm going to bet on somebody's instincts, it's going to be hers Damon: Well, then, that makes you the biggest idiot of them all Stefan: She chose to trust you, too Damon: Then maybe you shouldn't be so sure about her instincts (He looks at him and leaves) (Elena rejoins Elijah in the library) Elena: You'd think he'd understand why I'm willing to do this Elijah: Why are you? Elena: I'm the key to breaking the curse. Klaus is here because of me. If I don't stop him, then he's going to hurt people. It's that simple Elijah: You know, there's a possibility this elixir won't work. I don't want to mislead you Elena: I know the chance I'm taking (They hear Jenna and Alaric so they rejoin them) (Jenna is holding a crossbow toward Alaric) Alaric: Jenna, put the cross-bow down, ok? It's me Jenna: Stay away from me (Elena, Stefan, Damon and Elijah rejoin them) Elena: What's going on? Alaric: It's me, Elena, I swear, ok? He let me go. Klaus let me go Damon: Prove it (Alaric looks at Jenna) Alaric: Ok, uh, first night you and I spent together, Jeremy walked in right when I was about to... Jenna: it's him (She puts the cross-bow down) Stefan: Why did he let you go? Alaric: He wanted me to deliver a message. The sacrifice happens tonight [Mystic Falls' hospital] (Carol wakes up. Tyler's here) Carol: Tyler? Tyler: Mom (He kisses her on the forehead) Carol: You're back Tyler: I'm back [Mystic Grill] (Matt is working. He turns himself. Caroline's here) Matt: Ohh. Jeez! Caroline: Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you Matt: It's ok, I just, I didn't know you were here Caroline: Yeah, I wanted to try and catch you on your break so we could hang out Matt: I have lunch in an hour Caroline: Perfect. I will go run some errands and I will be right back (She kisses him) Caroline: I'll see you in a bit Matt: Ok (She leaves) (Matt rejoins Sheriff Forbes at a table) Sheriff Forbes: Does she suspect anything? Matt: No, but... I can't do this anymore. I've been with her the past few days, and I'm putting on the best show of my life. But either she is too, or she's still the same Caroline Sheriff Forbes: She's not the same. She's a vampire Matt: At this point, I don't even know what that means Sheriff Forbes: Look, I know this is hard to understand, but my family, we were raised with this. They're monsters, Matt. They have no soul, no humanity Matt: There's nothing about her that makes me believe that Sheriff Forbes: It's an act. I believed Damon Salvatore was my closest ally in this town. Instead, he's a killer. They killed your sister. What other proof do you need? Matt: I could ask you the same question, sheriff. Why haven't you done anything? Why are you hesitating? Sheriff Forbes: Because I need more information. And because, in spite of everything I just said, I still look at her and I... I see my daughter Matt: Damon is the problem, not Caroline. You should focus on him Sheriff Forbes: I shouldn't have involved you, Matt. Thank you for all of your help, but I'll take it from here (She leaves) [Salvatore's house] (Alaric, Jenna, Elena, Stefan and Elijah are in the living room) Stefan: So you don't remember anything that happened? Alaric: No. It's like I blacked out and woke up 3 days later. Katherine was there Stefan: She's under compulsion. Damon snuck her some vervain, but she can't leave until Klaus tells her she can Elena: Where is Damon? Jenna: I saw him go upstairs (Elena gets up and leaves) Alaric: So what else did I do? (Elena rejoins Damon in his bedroom) Elena: You disappeared Damon: I don't want to hear anymore Elena: I need you to understand why I'm doing this Damon: Why? It clearly doesn't matter what I think Elena: I'll be fine, Damon. I'll drink the elixir, Bonnie will kill Klaus and then all of this will finally be over Damon: If it works Elena: It will work Damon: You think it will work. You want it to work. Why am I the only one who's convinced it won't? There has to be another way Elena: There isn't Damon: And you're going to die, Elena Elena: And then I'll come back to life Damon: That is not a risk I'm willing to take Elena: But I am (She takes his hands) Elena: It's my life, Damon. My choice Damon: I can't lose you Elena: You won't (She goes toward the door but Damon intercepts her) Damon: There is another way Elena: What are you... (He cuts his wrist with his fangs) Elena: Damon, no! (He puts his wrist in her mouth so she can drink his blood but she doesn't want to. Stefan arrives and pushes Damon. Elena falls on the floor. She has blood in her mouth) Stefan: What did you do?! Huh? What did you do?! (He goes toward Elena) Damon: I saved her life (He looks at Elena) Damon: You're so bent on dying, at least this way I know you'll come back Stefan: As a vampire! She'll come back a vampire Damon: It's better than nothing else Stefan: How could you, of all people, take that choice away from her? (Damon looks at Elena) Damon: Go ahead; wish me an eternity of misery. Believe me, you'll get over it (Stefan rushes over Damon and pushes him) Elena: Stefan! (Damon takes a wooden stick and pushes Stefan against a wall with it) Damon: Admit it. You just wish you had the balls to do it yourself (Stefan punches him on the face several times in a row. Damon falls on the floor. He has blood in his face. He takes the wooden stick and drives it through Stefan's abdomen. Elena rushes over Stefan and pushes Damon. She looks at Damon) Elena: Get out of here! (Alaric and Jenna arrive) Alaric: What the hell's going on? Elena: Just get him out of here! (Alaric goes toward Damon but he pushes him, gets up and leaves) Jenna: Oh, my God Alaric: Ok, Jenna, downstairs are some blood bags. Go get them now. Go! (She leaves. Elena removes the stick. Stefan puts his head on Elena's legs) Elena: It's ok. It's ok. You're going to be ok Stefan: I'm so sorry Elena: Shh. It's ok Stefan: I'm sorry (Damon goes in the library to pour himself a drink. Elijah's here, he's closing the wooden box) Elijah: Well, it sounds like you won't be needing this anymore. Feeding her vampire blood rendered it useless. Tell Elena I'll be back before nightfall. We'll proceed as planned Damon: We both know that elixir wouldn't have worked anyway Elijah: The problem, Damon, you talk a good game but you don't actually know anything. She'll never forgive you. And never for a vampire... It's a very long time (He leaves) (Stefan, Elena, Jenna and Alaric are in Stefan's bedroom. Stefan is drinking a blood bag. He looks at Jenna) Stefan: Thank you. Both of you Alaric: Yeah, well, we'll be downstairs (Jenna and Alaric have left the room. They're in the corridor) Alaric: I know it's, uh, it's a lot to take in Jenna: Yeah Alaric: I tried to protect you from all this, but I should have known you could handle it Jenna: Can I? Alaric: Well, you just did. Look, Jenna... I know we have a lot to talk about (She touches his face) Jenna: Hey. I'm glad you're ok. I should have said that already (She kisses him) (Elena and Stefan are sitting in Stefan's bed) Elena: How could he do that to me? Why? Stefan: Hey. We've never talked about this. What this all means Elena: It doesn't matter Stefan: Of course it matters. Hey. It matters. I want you to go somewhere with me Elena: Stefan, I can't Stefan: No, no, it's not far, ok? It's just for the day. I promise [Mystic Fall's hospital] (Carol is sleeping. Tyler looks at her and goes out of her room. Jules is here) Tyler: What are you doing here? Jules: I should be asking you that. I told you not to come Tyler: She's my mother. I had to Jules: Now we have to get out of here; Lock ourselves up before tonight (They are in the parking lot and meet Caroline. She's surprised) Caroline: Tyler? Jules Jules: I'll give you a few minutes Tyler: Thank you Jules: Just a few, Tyler Tyler: I got it (She leaves so they can be alone) Tyler: She's just making sure I'm safe Caroline: So what, are you two, like, friends now? Tyler: She's been helping me. How are you? Caroline: I heard about your mom. I just came to check in on her Tyler: She's banged up, but she'll be ok Caroline: And you? Um... How's everything with you? Tyler: I'm hanging in there Caroline: Good Tyler: Yeah. I should get going. Jules and I need to get on the road Caroline: You're leaving again? Tyler: I left for a reason, Caroline Caroline: Your explanation must have got lost in the mail, along with your goodbye Tyler: Well... Take care of yourself Caroline: Tyler... (Suddenly Caroline holds her head and screams so is Tyler. Maddox is here, he's the one whose provoking the headache. Greta arrives and injects vervain into Caroline) Greta: Let's go (Maddox takes Tyler and Greta takes Caroline) [Mystic Grill] (Matt is leaving a voicemail to Caroline) Matt: Hey, Caroline, it's me. I thought you were coming back to meet me. Look, I need to talk to you. It's important (He hangs up and sees Damon arriving. Damon goes at the bar and asks a drink. Alaric rejoins him) Alaric: I'll have the same Damon: I screwed up Alaric: Yeah. Yeah, you did Klaus: Gentlemen? Why so glum? (Alaric and Damon looks at him) Damon: Ugh. Klaus, I presume Klaus: In the flesh (He looks at Alaric) Klaus: Thanks for the loaner, mate (Damon gets up) Damon: Any reason you stopped by to say hi? Klaus: I'm told you and your brother fancies my doppelganger. Just thought I'd remind you to not do anything you'll regret Damon: Ha. Thanks for your advice. I don't suppose I could talk you into a postponement, by any chance, huh? Klaus: You are kidding (He looks at Alaric) Klaus: He is kidding, right? Alaric: No, not really Damon: I mean, come on, what's one month in the whole grand scheme of things? Klaus: Let me be clear... I have my vampire. I have my werewolf. I have everything I need. The ritual will happen tonight. So if you want to live to see tomorrow, don't screw it up (He leaves) Damon: That was fun Alaric: You're getting screwed up, aren't you? (Damon looks at him) Damon: You think if I took his werewolf out of the equation, she might... Get over the fact that I tried to turn her into a vampire? Alaric: I think it won't matter, because you'll be dead Damon: But without the werewolf, he can't perform the ritual tonight, which means I would have bought her one month before the next full moon Alaric: But you'll still be dead Damon: Are you gonna help me or what? Alaric: What do you want me to do? [A mountain] (Elena and Stefan are walking) Elena: Where are we? Stefan: It's a surprise. Just a little bit longer Elena: I'm not a vampire yet, you know. My legs still get tired Stefan: Ready to talk about how you're feeling about all this? Elena: Uh... this morning I was wondering if I would live or die, and now... I'm going to be a vampire. I... I don't really know how I'm feeling (They arrive at a waterfall) Elena: My God, this is beautiful (Stefan looks at her) Stefan: I think you do know how you feel. I just want you to know that it's ok to tell me Elena: I can't. Stefan, I just... I can't talk about it Stefan: Well, if you don't want to, that's your choice. Today's about you. But... It's a long way to the top. Let's go. You never know what might come up Elena: We're climbing all the way up to the top? Stefan: Oh, yeah Elena: Well, can't you do one of your super power vampire jumpy things? Stefan: No, it's your last day as a human. Why cheat now? (She smiles and takes his hand) [Alaric's apartment] (Katherine is looking for a blood bag in the fridge. She hears the key in the lock. She gets up and goes in front of the door. It's Alaric.) Katherine: Look who's dumb enough to come back Alaric: Well, somebody had to invite him in. Damon. Would you like to, uh, come in? (Damon comes in and she rushes over him) Katherine: Are you trying to get me killed? (He pushes her against the wall) Damon: I gave you vervain, now I'm here to collect. I got it from here, Rick Alaric: You sure? Damon: Yeah, only one of us needs to get blamed for this. Get back in the house. Keep Elena from handing herself over Alaric: Ok (He leaves) Katherine: Get blamed for what? Damon: I need to know where Klaus is keeping his werewolf Katherine: Why? What are you going to do? Damon: Dead werewolf equals no ritual Katherine: No. You can't interfere, Damon. Klaus will kill you and everyone you've ever met Damon: I just need to delay this thing Katherine: No. No way Damon: You should like this. It's going to buy another month of your pathetic life Katherine: Right. Except that I'm not the vampire he's planning on sacrificing Damon: What? Katherine: Yeah. He's got Caroline Forbes and Tyler Lockwood. Therefore, I'm in the clear Damon: And where'd he get that idea from? (He goes toward her) Katherine: Hey! Hey, hey, hey, I'm just trying to stay alive long enough to get myself out of here Damon: What if I told you Elena had vampire blood in her system? Katherine: What?! Damon: Imagine how much fun that will be competing with Elena for Stefan's love for, I don't know, forever Katherine: The tomb. He's got them in the tomb Damon: Thank you (He leaves) [The tomb] (Caroline and Tyler are chained against the walls, in front of each other. Caroline wakes up. Tyler is looking at her) Caroline: Tyler? Tyler: You all right? Caroline: Yeah. I think so (She tries to break the chains but she can't) Tyler: I already tried Caroline: Those witches vervained me Tyler: Who were they? Caroline: I think they're with Klaus Tyler: Who the hell is Klaus? (She doesn't answer right away) Caroline: Tyler... You shouldn't have come back here [SCENE_BREAK] [A Mountain] (Elena and Stefan are climbing to the top) Elena: I guess Bonnie will have to make me a daylight ring Stefan: Yeah, piece of cake Elena: And I'll never be able to watch "Bambi" again Stefan: I definitely wouldn't recommend that Elena: What's the best part about being a vampire? Stefan: Ahh. You feel like you could do anything. Be anyone. Beautiful things are more beautiful. Everything's heightened, you know, just a little bit more intensely, love more powerfully Elena: And the worst? Stefan: Ah, you know the worst Elena: Aside from the blood (He stops and looks at her) Stefan: Anger becomes rage. When you're sad, you're in despair. Grief. Loss. It can cripple you. That's why so many of us turn our emotions off. It just becomes... Too overwhelming. You know, for a while, for me, the good just wasn't worth the bad Elena: How long before you learned to handle both? Stefan: Well, I'm still trying. Every day. What else? Elena: Let's just keep going. We're not even halfway to the top (She keeps walking) [Alaric's Apartment] (Katherine is making coffee. Klaus arrives) Katherine: Everything ok? Klaus: What have you been doing? Katherine: Making coffee. Do you want some? (He rushes over her, strangles her and compels her) Klaus: Tell me what you've been doing Katherine: Making coffee (He releases her and she turns herself) Klaus: Wait. Take off your bracelet. Now (She takes it off and gives it to him) Klaus: I want you... to walk over to the window and stand in the sunlight Katherine: But I'll burn Klaus: You don't have a choice (She stands in the sunlight and her skins burn. She keeps screaming. Klaus looks at her with a smile. He lets her burn for a moment) Klaus: That's enough (She rushes over the corner of the room, in the shadow) Klaus: Guess I was wrong. All right, then. I need you to do something for me [The Tomb] (Damon arrives at the tomb. He's outside. Maddox is here) Maddox: Which one are you trying to save? The blond, or the wolf? Did you really think Klaus would leave them unprotected? Damon: Wishful thinking (He rushes over Maddox and pins him on the ground. He strangles her but Maddox uses his powers and throws Damon. He's on the floor. Maddox gets up and uses his powers and provokes a headache. Damon screams. Suddenly there's a gunshot. Maddox falls on the floor. Damon raises his head and sees Matt, with a gun. Damon gets up, kills Maddox and looks at Matt) Damon: What are you doing here? Matt: Where's Caroline? Damon: Listen, man. Not a good time to play the hero Matt: Where is she? And what did he do to her? Damon: I'm just here to rescue her (Damon rushes over him and hits him with the gun. Matt falls on the floor, unconscious) Damon: You're lucky I already screwed up once today or you'd be dead (Damon crouches and sees that Matt had wooden bullets) (Tyler and Caroline are looking at each other. They're still chained up) Tyler: The whole Sun and Moon curse is fake? Caroline: That's what Elena learned. Klaus still needs to do the sacrifice, but it's just not for that Tyler: And you think that's why they grabbed us? For the sacrifice Caroline: Yes Tyler: He's going to kill us? Caroline: I think so. Yes Tyler: This whole time I've been gone, Jules has been helping me come to terms with what I am. How to deal with it. Guess none of it matters anymore Caroline: Why didn't you say good-bye? You just left Tyler: You want to talk about this now? Caroline: Well, if we're going to die, I might as well know the truth. Why did you leave me? Tyler: I knew you hated me. I thought you deserved better than having someone like me in your life Caroline: I was hurt. You know, you turned your back on me when I needed you. But... I could never hate you, Tyler (He smiles. They hear the door of the tomb. Damon arrives) Caroline: Damon? (He goes toward her) Damon: Your boyfriend's outside with a rifle loaded with wooden bullets. You have some explaining to do Caroline: What, Matt? Tyler: Matt knows about you? Caroline: No, I... Damon: Shh. Tomorrow's problem (He releases her and she gets up) Damon: Let me just get you out of here Caroline: Wait, Damon No! I'm not leaving without him Damon: Ohhh. It's getting dark soon (He looks at Tyler) Damon: How fast can you get the hell away from here? Tyler: I need to get to my family's cellar. I can lock myself up Caroline: I'll help (Damon goes toward Damon and crouches in front of him) Damon: Don't make me regret this [A mountain] (Elena and Stefan are at the top of the mountain) Elena: We made it! Ahh Stefan: That's nothing, if you've climbed Mt. Everest Elena: Nobody likes a bragger, Stefan (She looks at the landscape) Elena: Oh, wow Stefan: Yeah. Hey, you can say it (She looks at him) Elena: Say what? Stefan: The thing you've been wanting to say, but... Been afraid of how it'll make me feel Elena: There's nothing I can say, Stefan. It's not going to change anything Stefan: Might make you feel better. Look, I know this isn't the first time you've thought about it. Drinking vampire blood to survive. I mean, I know I've thought about it a hundred times Elena: And before all this with Klaus, did you think about it then? Stefan: Of course I did. Elena... If it were my choice, I'd want to be with you forever Elena: Why have you never brought it up? Stefan: 'Cause I knew if it was an option, you would have. It would be selfish for me to ask you Elena: Didn't stop Damon Stefan: He shouldn't have done what he did. He did it because he loves you Elena: But he did this to me, Stefan, which means he doesn't really know what love is. And to be honest, I don't know if I do. I'm 17 years old. How am I supposed to know any of this yet? (She takes his hands) Elena: I know that I love you, Stefan. I know that. But my future? Our lives together? Those were things I was supposed to deal with as they came along. I was supposed to grow up (She cries) Elena: Decide if I want to have kids and start a family. Grow old. I was supposed to have a lifetime of those choices, and... now? That's all gone Stefan: There, say it Elena: I don't want to be a vampire, Stefan. I never wanted to be one Stefan: I know (He embraces her. She's still crying) [The Tomb] (it's dark .Damon, Caroline and Tyler go outside. Matt is waking up. Caroline rushes over him) Caroline: Hey, Matt! (She looks at Damon) Caroline: Hey. Did you hit him?! Damon: Did you already forget the part about the gun with the wooden bullets? (Tyler growls and holds his chest. He looks at the moon) Caroline: Tyler? Tyler? Tyler: It's starting Damon: Grab boy wonder and let's go Caroline: Come on (They leave) [Salvatore's house] (Stefan parks his car, goes out and opens the door to Elena. She gets out of the car) Elena: Thanks for today (Stefan feels something. He puts himself in front of Elena and they both turn they head. Klaus is here) Klaus: You got me all nervous. I thought maybe you'd done something stupid. You ready, my dear? Elena: I'm ready (She goes toward him but Stefan stops her) Stefan: No Klaus: I wouldn't. No reason for you to die, too (She turns herself and looks at Stefan). He can't stop looking at Klaus) Elena: Stefan, hey, hey, it's fine, it's fine. I'll go. No one needs to get hurt. There's no reason for you to get hurt (She kisses him) Elena: I love you Stefan: I love you (They kiss again) Elena: Close your eyes. Close your eyes (He closes his eyes. She lets go of his hand. When he opens he eyes, she's gone) (Stefan enters. Alaric's here) Alaric: There you are. I got here, the house was empty Stefan: Where's Damon? [The woods] (Damon, Caroline, Matt and Tyler are walking. Tyler's not okay) Matt: What's happening? Is he ok? Damon: He better not wolf out on us (Damon's phone rings. He answers. It's Stefan) Damon: Bad time, little bro Stefan: What the hell are you doing? Damon: Saving the day. I figured you'd understand. Just tell Elena to stay put Stefan: She's already gone, Damon Damon: What? Stefan: Klaus came. He took her Damon: I'll take care of it (He hangs up. Tyler falls on the floor. The transformation begins) Matt: Tyler! Tyler: I don't know if I can hold it off. Get out of here Caroline: Tyler, it'll be ok Tyler: Go! Caroline: You've got time. We're almost there, just... Tyler: It's happening faster Caroline: Tyler, it's ok (Tyler's eyes are yellow. He rushes over Caroline but Damon intercepts him. Tyler is above him. Damon pushes him but Tyler bites him in the process. Damon gets up) Caroline: Damon... Damon: I'm fine. Tyler: Get out of here! Damon: Get to the Lockwood cellar. If it held him in, it'll keep him out. If it doesn't... Use these (He gives them wooden bullets) Damon: It'll buy you a couple seconds. Go. Go! (They leave. Damon leaves too) [Alaric's apartment] Klaus: Where's Maddox? He should be back by now Katherine: I don't know (Klaus sits down and opens the laptop) Katherine: What are you doing? Where's Elena? Klaus: I sent her off with Greta (He's looking at Jules, whose transitioning) Klaus: It's almost time (The door opens. Katherine and Klaus look at the door) Klaus: I wasn't aware you'd been invited in (Damon's here) Damon: I've come here to tell you that you have to postpone the ritual Klaus: Didn't we already have this conversation? Damon: Yeah, but that was before I rescued your werewolf, and vampire and killed your witch (Klaus gets up) Klaus: Excuse me? (He faces Damon) Damon: And you can kill me for it. I don't care. It was all me Klaus: Katerina, give us a moment (She looks at the and leaves) Klaus: I've heard about you. The crazy, impulsive vampire in love with his brother's girl. I knew one of you would try to stop me. It was a just a 50/50 guess on who (He shows him the video of Jules) Klaus: The nice thing about werewolves is they tend to travel in packs. Need a closer look? (He throws him a cellphone so he can see better) Damon: Jules Klaus: When you spend a thousand years trying to break a curse... You learn a thing or two. First rule... always have a back-up. Back-up werewolf. Back-up witch Damon: Back-up vampire Klaus: I've got that covered, too [Lockwood's cellar] (Caroline and Matt rushes into the cellar and closes the door) Caroline: Come on, down here Matt: Is that going to hold? Caroline: No (They go further in the cellar. Caroline is closing the iron gate) Caroline: Help me with the gate. Help me with the gate (He helps her. She closes it. Tyler the wolf, enter the cellar and looks at them) Caroline: Tyler? It's me. It's Caroline. Tyler? (He rushes over the gate) [Alaric's apartment] (Damon is unconscious. Katherine gives him some blood from a blood bag and slaps him) Katherine: Hey. Damon. Hey. Damon (He wakes up) Damon: Ahh. What the hell happened? Katherine: He's gone. He went to do the ritual. I'm sorry. I had to. He would have known that I was on vervain if I didn't do it Damon: Ahh. Do what? Katherine: Klaus. He made me call her to lure her out. He needed another vampire Damon: Who did you call? Who did you call, Katherine? [Somewhere] (Elena and Greta are walking in the dark) Elena: Where are we going? Greta: This way Elena: You're Luka's sister, aren't you? I heard about you. He and your father were looking for you Greta: Well, they were wasting their time. I wasn't lost (Elena trips on a rock) Elena: God, I can't see anything (Greta lights fire all around them. Elena sees someone on the ground. She rushes over her. It's Jenna) Elena: Jenna? Jenna, Jenna! Jenna? Hey, hey, Jenna! Jenna! (She can't find a pulse) Elena: Oh, my God. No. Jenna! No! (She looks at Greta) Elena: He killed her? Why? I did everything that he asked (Jenna wakes up) Greta: She's not dead. She's in transition [Alaric's apartment] (Damon is standing) Damon: Should have used me. Why didn't he use me? Katherine: He couldn't. Damon, he said you were as good as dead Damon: What does that even mean? Katherine: What does that mean? (She looks at Tyler's bite on Damon's forearm) Katherine: What is this, Damon? Damon: It's a werewolf bite

Elijah tells Elena that the way to break the curse involves sacrificing a vampire and a werewolf. Maddox injures Carol Lockwood to make Tyler return to town, after which he and Greta kidnap Caroline and Tyler. Damon forces Elena to drink his blood so she will "survive" the sacrifice. Alaric returns as himself and gives the message from Klaus that the ritual will happen that night. Jenna forgives him. Damon realizes that if Klaus doesn't have a werewolf, he will be unable to complete the ritual, and Elena will have another month. He rescues Caroline and Tyler from the tomb and kills Maddox. Klaus takes Elena from the boarding house to begin the ritual. Damon informs Klaus that he has rescued the vampire and werewolf he needs for the ritual, but Klaus says he has backups. At the site of the ritual, Elena realizes that Klaus has turned Jenna and is using her as the vampire. Katherine makes Damon aware of a wolf bite he got from Tyler during his transformation.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_03x17

fd_Gilmore_Girls_03x17_0

3.17 - A Tale of Poes and Fire OPEN IN LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai and Rory are sitting at a table with papers and books spread out in front of them.] LORELAI: Okay, let's see. Looks like Harvard definitely has the smallest class sizes. RORY: Okay, we've got our first entry here. It's a pro for Harvard. LORELAI: Oh, whoa, whoa, those are not the final official pro/con lists. RORY: Why? What's wrong with them? LORELAI: Well, the lines are crooked, the printing's all sloppy. Harvard, Princeton and Yale cannot see them looking like that. RORY: They're not going to see our pro/con lists. LORELAI: What if they subpoena them? RORY: Then I'll roll them up in a ball and eat them. LORELAI: Oh, a big pro for Yale they have 1100 members of the maintenance staff. Clean, clean, clean. RORY: All three of these places probably have the same number. LORELAI: But Yale must be crowing about it for some reason. Princeton might only have two. RORY: Two? LORELAI: Yeah. RORY: You think there're a total of two guys cleaning all of Princeton? LORELAI: Write "Princeton's stinking filthy" in big letters. RORY: Yeah, I'm pretending to write it as we speak. [Kirk walks over carrying a box of T-shirts] KIRK: Good morning, ladies. May I interest you in a shirt? LORELAI: Oh, Kirk. You're not selling your laundry again, are ya? KIRK: No, these are part of my latest money-making endeavor. I'm going to print daily T-shirts featuring a humorous topical headline of something I witness around town. RORY: Neat. KIRK: I got the idea when I read about something a man was doing in Portland. LORELAI: What was he doing? KIRK: He was printing daily T-shirts featuring a humorous topical headline of something he witnessed around town. RORY: Is that today's? KIRK: Sure is. [he holds up a shirt] RORY: [reads] "Babette ate oatmeal." Huh. LORELAI: Yeah. KIRK: I'm keeping it real. RORY: It's good. LORELAI: It paints a picture. RORY: I can just see her. . .eating oatmeal. [Luke walks up to the table] KIRK: They're $14.95. How many can I put you down for? LUKE: No solicitors, Kirk. KIRK: How about if I cut you in for a piece of the action? LUKE: How about I toss the shirts out the door first so you can have something to land on? KIRK: Got it. [walks away] LUKE: What's with the lists? LORELAI: You ready? My Rory, our Rory, Stars Hollow's Rory. . .got into Harvard, Princeton, and Yale. LUKE: Wow, wow, wow, I can't believe it. I I feel like I. . . RORY: Yeah. [Luke awkwardly hugs Rory's head] RORY: Oh. LORELAI: Oh. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Wow. [Luke pulls back] LUKE: Oh, I'm not good at hugging. RORY: Oh, I thought it worked. LUKE: Thanks. Man, this is big, right? RORY: Very big. LUKE: But what's with all the pro/con lists? LORELAI: That's how we make our important decisions, you know that. LUKE: But you know what it's gonna be, Harvard. RORY: Probably. LORELAI: But not necessarily. LUKE: But Harvard's all you've talked about for years. LORELAI: Well, who knew she'd be wanted by everyone? LUKE: Hey, which school best teaches how to make an important life decision without doing a stupid pro/con list? Whichever one it is, add it to the pro column. LORELAI: Do not mock the sciencificity of our selection process. RORY: I've gotta head to school. LORELAI: Hey, why go anymore? You're in college. Let's go truffle hunting or something. RORY: Maybe after I graduate. LORELAI: All right, but if all the good truffles are gone, don't say I didn't warn you. RORY: Bye. [leaves] LUKE: I can't believe how great that is, all three. LORELAI: Well, they have good taste. LUKE: Well. . .you know, uh, Jess also. . .well, it's so tiny compared to this, it's gonna sound dumb. LORELAI: What? Tell me. LUKE: Well, you know how Jess works at Wal-Mart. LORELAI: Yes, I do. LUKE: Well, it seems he was actually chosen Employee of the Month. LORELAI: Really? LUKE: I knew it would sound tiny. LORELAI: No, Luke, that's not tiny. That's really good. LUKE: Yeah. I mean, there's probably hundreds of people working at that branch, and they singled him out. LORELAI: Yeah, it shows he can work hard and get along with people and all that. You should be proud. Did you tell him you're proud? LUKE: Well, he didn't even tell me about it. I got a letter addressed to the family of Jess Mariano inviting me down to some little ceremony they're having. LORELAI: Are you going? LUKE: Oh, he'd hate it if I was there. You know, seeing him participating in some corporate ceremony like that, being called upstanding and responsible, it would kill him. Yeah, I'm going. LORELAI: Good boy. [Luke sees that Kirk is trying to sell his shirts at another table. Kirk quickly pushes the shirts off the table into a box] [opening credits] CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN [Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Hey Sookie, Sookie. . .where's Sookie? SOOKIE: Down here. LORELAI: Down where? Marco? SOOKIE: Polo. [Lorelai finds Sookie kneeling on the floor next to a cat] LORELAI: Why are you down there? SOOKIE: Papaya won't eat, so I'm pretending to eat out of her bowl so she'll copy me. LORELAI: Sookie, you named the cat? SOOKIE: She looks like a Papaya, doesn't she? LORELAI: But it's a stray. You'll get close to it and it'll wander off and you'll be sad. SOOKIE: I'm keeping my distance. Come on, Papaya. Lap, lap, lap. LORELAI: All right, we're getting you up here. Come on. [Lorelai helps Sookie stand up] SOOKIE: Oh boy, being a cat is hard on the knees. LORELAI: Since when are you a cat person? SOOKIE: Well, ever since I got pregnant, I've become very nurturing toward all living things. Jackson, too. LORELAI: Well, both your bodies are changing. SOOKIE: Yesterday.. .ugh, it was awful. Jackson moved a table and just kind of nicked this spider. He didn't see the little thing, and just clipped one of its legs. And it was having trouble walking and we were so upset, but Jackson made a new leg for it out of a paper clip, but jamming the clip into the spider killed it instantly. Little Satchmo. LORELAI: You named the spider Satchmo? SOOKIE: After Jackson's uncle. LORELAI: Oh, I'm sure he'll be very touched. SOOKIE: Maybe if I wore ears! LORELAI: What? [Sookie holds two napkins up behind her head to look like cat ears, then kneels back down on the floor] SOOKIE: Papaya! Look at Mommy, look at Mommy, look at Mommy. [Lorelai walks into the lobby] LORELAI: Oh, is this everyone from the Edgar Allen Poe Society? MICHEL: If you mean the I-should-be-sterilized-so-that-my-disturbing-idiosyncrasies-aren't-passed-onto-the-next-generation society, then yes, that's them. LORELAI: [to guests checking in] Hi, welcome to the Independence Inn. MR. HATLESTAD: Thank you. We're Jim and Milly Hatlestad. LORELAI: Okay, I've got you right here. Well, once again, welcome, and let me assure you there are no human body parts buried in the floor of your room to keep you awake tonight. Sound good? MR. HATLESTAD: I guess. LORELAI: Room 8. [The Hatlestads walk away] LORELAI: The Tell-Tale Heart. That's a Poe story. Did they not get that? MICHEL: The Hatlestads are not with the Poe Society. LORELAI: Why didn't you tell me that? MICHEL: If I had thought to, I still would not have. FRED: Hi, my name is Larson, I'm checking in. LORELAI: Poe Society, right? FRED: That's me. LORELAI: Good. Well, welcome to the Independence Inn. There will be a complimentary cask of amontillado on the table in your room, and if you're expecting your friends Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether, I'll send up another one. [pause] You said you were with the Poe Society. FRED: Yeah, but it's just a hobby. We're not Trekkies. LORELAI: No, no, I didn't mean to imply. . .I mean, you're not freaks, no way. Here, room six. FRED: Thank you. [walks away] MICHEL: You might want to stop trying to cute things up. LORELAI: I hear that. MICHEL: [to guest] Hello sir. CUT TO WAL-MART BREAK ROOM [The manager walks to the front of the room. Luke walks in and sits down in back.] MANAGER: Hello everybody. Hope you're having a good day today. You folks know we do this every month, just a little get together to honor our new Employee of the Month. Nothing fancy, just a quick thanks' and a way to go.' Oh, and there's two hundred bucks in it. I think that's how we got our honoree to even show up to this thing. You know him as a trooper, our Mr. Reliable. The first time this young man sat down on that forklift, well, it was like an extension of himself. And yeah, he's not one for small talk, but this boy's production is out of sight. It's Jess Mariano everybody. [The other employees applaud as Jess walks up to accept a plaque] MANAGER: Would you like to say anything Jess? JESS: Nope. MANAGER: Well, that's our Jess. Give him another hand folks, and, uh, have a good one. [Jess walks to the back of the room and sees Luke] JESS: What are you doing here? LUKE: [pinches Jess' cheek] I'm so proud of my boy. JESS: Stop it. LUKE: Do you have a tissue because I think I'm gonna be emotional. JESS: I mean it, stop, now. It came with cash, it's the only reason I'm here. LUKE: Don't forget the plaque. You should hang that over your bed, shine a little spotlight over it. JESS: I gotta get back to work. LUKE: Yeah, the forklift's going where's the extension of me?' [Jess leaves. The manager walks over to Luke] MANAGER: Hey. Saw you jawboning with our boy there. I'm Bill Borden. LUKE: Luke Danes, I'm Jess' uncle. MANAGER: Nice meeting you. LUKE: Yeah, so he's doing good, huh? MANAGER: Wish I had a dozen more Jesses. He's my go-to guy. LUKE: That's great to hear. MANAGER: Works like a dog on his regular shift, and if someone calls in sick and they always do Jess is there even if he's already done forty hours that week. LUKE: Wow, I am so . . .forty hours? He never works forty hours. MANAGER: More like forty-five, that's what I'm saying. Good boy, that one. LUKE: Wait, how is that possible? He's got school, he works for me, it can't be forty. MANAGER: Well, I can't say I sign every time card, but I'm pretty sure it's at least that. Uh, maybe I'm mistaken. LUKE: Yeah, maybe. MANAGER: Oh, thought you might like this. A little keepsake for ya. [hands him an Employee of the Month sign with Jess' picture on it] LUKE: Great, thanks. CUT TO MISS PATTY'S DANCE STUDIO [A man dressed as Poe is reciting The Raven at the front of the room.] POE 1: Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, by the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore, "Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven." LORELAI: [quietly to Rory] That Poe was downright funalicious. RORY: He was a troubled man. He enjoyed a little bit too much of the hmm-hmm. [makes a drinking gesture] LORELAI: Mime? RORY: You know what I meant. LORELAI: Oh, mime. That reminds me Yale, best drama school bar none. Put that in the pro column. RORY: I'm not taking drama. LORELAI: No, but it means you'll have the best on-campus productions. You'll get to see the next Meryl Streep all goofy and eighteen and doing crap like, "Hey, name an occupation!" "Plumber!" "Name a farm tool now!" "Tractor!" "Hey, I'm a tractor doing. . .plumbing." RORY: That's what the do at the Yale drama school? LORELAI: So I've heard. Oh, that's weird. RORY: What? LORELAI: Over there. [points to another man dressed like Poe seated in the audience] RORY: A second Poe? LORELAI: It's like a Poe story in itself. RORY: The Case of the Two Poes. LORELAI: The Messrs Poe and Poe. RORY: Oh, that's good. LORELAI: Oh, hey, there's Dean. Hey, is that, uh. . . RORY: That's Lindsay. LORELAI: Hm. [Dean sees them and waves. Lindsay glances at Rory] LORELAI: Oh, I think she's ready to go to the ghetto on you. RORY: Well, I don't have a problem with her. She's really nice. And, you know, once she LORELAI: Bought you a magnet shaped like Mark Twain's head? Yes, I've heard the anecdote. RORY: Sorry. LORELAI: I think she should just mellow. I mean, you've both moved on. What's the problem? POE 1: But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only that one word. . . LORELAI: I don't remember The Raven being this long. RORY: It could've used some editing. LORELAI: Oh, hey, did you put drama school on the Yale pro list? RORY: Nope. LORELAI: Come on, do it, we'll forget. RORY: I don't have a pen. LORELAI: Aw, jeez. [leans toward Luke and Nicole sitting across the aisle] Hey, psst. Hi, Nicole. NICOLE: Hi, Lorelai. LUKE: Hey, how long is this thing? LORELAI: He's got at least five nevermores to go. LUKE: Ah, jeez. LORELAI: Do you got a pen? LUKE: No. LORELAI: Come on, cough it up. LUKE: I don't have a pen. LORELAI: You've got a restaurant. Where's the pen you take orders with? LUKE: I wasn't anticipating taking orders at the Poe reading. LORELAI: Hm, there goes your Boy Scout badge. RORY: Uh, Mom. [Poe 1 gives her a look, then continues] POE 1: Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy. . . LORELAI: Busted by a Poe. RORY: Hope he doesn't put a curse on us. LORELAI: Or complain when he goes back to being Fred Larson, Tampa dentist. NICOLE: Hey, Lorelai. LORELAI: Hm? [sees Nicole holding out a pen] Oh, you're an angel, thanks. NICOLE: I'll need it back. LORELAI: Yeah, sure. RORY: Hm, looks like Nicole's got a little Lindsay attitude going. LORELAI: Not really. Really? MISS PATTY: Hey, how many nevermores do you think he's got to go? LORELAI: We're guessing four. MISS PATTY: Poor Edgar Allen Poe, he suffered so much. And now we gotta suffer along with him. RORY: Yale drama, got it. MISS PATTY: Rory, why do you waste your time on those pro/con lists? It's going to be Harvard, we all know it. RORY: I know. LORELAI: If the list says it is. RORY: Right. MISS PATTY: When you were six and took my cheerleading class, you wouldn't even cheer for any other school than Harvard. RORY: That's true. That is true. LORELAI: Well, then the list will reflect it. POE 1: And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor shall be lifted. . .nevermore. [the audience claps] LORELAI: Excellent. Bravo, bravo. RORY: Very nice. WOMAN: That was wonderful, wasn't it? Thank you very much for that rendition. POE 1: Thank you. [he goes to sit down and the second Poe walks to the front] LORELAI: What's with the Poes? RORY: They look upset. MISS PATTY: Wanna hear the scoop? RORY: Please. MISS PATTY: I was here when they both arrived. They got their signals crossed. They were supposed to perform different things, but they both came to do The Raven. LORELAI: If the Poes start fighting, does that punch a hole in the space/time continuum? RORY: And throw us into a universe where everything is the exact opposite of what it is here? LORELAI: Cool. There'll be funny sitcoms there. WOMAN: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you. It'll allow you to compare and contrast interpretations of Poe's most famous work. RORY: Oh no. LORELAI: Compare and contrast? RORY: That can only mean. . . WOMAN: Please enjoy this second recitation of The Raven. LORELAI: Do we bolt? RORY: Do we dare? LORELAI: At least if I'd brought a flask, we could've played the nevermore drinking game. RORY: Oh, maybe this is what drove Poe to the bottle. LORELAI: His own work. POE 2: Once upon a midnight dreary while I pondered weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, while I nodded, nearly napping. . . [Lorelai and Nicole share a look; Rory and Lindsay share a look] LORELAI: Weird vibe in here. Very Poe. RORY: Very Poe. CUT TO OUTISDE [Lorelai and Rory walk out of the dance studio] RORY: Well, that was pretty good. LORELAI: Oh, come on. You can't do that thing where you complain, then when you walk out you reassess based on the relief you're feeling that it's over. RORY: Well, I was able to compare and contrast between readings. LORELAI: I was able to nap for twenty minutes. [The first Poe walks over to them] POE 1: Good evening, ladies. LORELAI: Oh, hi Poe. RORY: Good job in there. POE 1: I thank you. Young miss, do correct me, but I heard tell that you are considering attending Harvard University. RORY: I am. POE 1: I myself attended West Point. LORELAI: Wow. POE 1: I'm embarrassed to say that I was court-martialed in 1832 and forced to leave. [The second Poe walks over] POE 2: Excuse me, but I was expelled from West Point in 1831, not 1832. LORELAI: Oh. POE 1: No, I do believe it was 1832. It was an election year. POE 2: It was not an election year. President Jackson was to serve five more years POE 1: I'm sure it was '32. I'm sad to say it was the same year my older brother William passed away. POE 2: Okay, that's not right either, Fred. POE 1: Fred? I don't know this Fred you speak of. POE 2: Oh, knock it off. I'm tired. [walks away] POE 1: Will you excuse me? LORELAI: Yeah. [he walks away] Poes are very testy people. RORY: Mmhmm. [Kirk is sitting at a table with stacks of T-shirts] KIRK: I've got your latest topical T-shirts here, people. Brand new topical T-shirts for sale. RORY: What's this one say? [Kirk holds one up] LORELAI: [reads] "Faux Poes foes." RORY: Very clever, Kirk. KIRK: It was an inspiration. But they're not selling much better than the "Babette ate oatmeal" shirts. LORELAI: Keep the dream, Kirk. [Dean and Lindsay walk out of the dance studio] DEAN: Hey guys. RORY: Oh, hi. Mom, this is Lindsay. LINDSAY: Hi. LORELAI: Hi. The Mark Twain magnet-head girl! LINDSAY: The what? LORELAI: You don't know the anecdote? You're the star. LINDSAY: The anecdote? RORY: It's nothing, really. Um, it's the field trip we took to Mark Twain's house in the fourth grade, and I wanted this magnet and you lent me the money and I got the magnet. LORELAI: She usually tells it better. LINDSAY: I kinda remember. DEAN: So, uh, congratulations on Harvard. RORY: Oh, yeah, thanks. DEAN: I got into Southern Connecticut State. RORY: Oh, that's great. LORELAI: It is. That's great, Dean. RORY: You're. . .you're. . . wow. DEAN: Yeah, thanks. LINDSAY: I've gotta get home. DEAN: And I gotta take her, so I'll see you guys. LORELAI: See ya. RORY: Bye. [Dean and Lindsay walk away] LORELAI: So you say she was nice? RORY: Was, I guess, being the operative word. So are we going? LORELAI: No, you go on ahead, I'll catch up. RORY: Okay. Try and make it home in time for Charlie Rose. Billy Joel's on, and he might cry or something. LORELAI: Okay. [Rory leaves. Luke walks over to Lorelai] LORELAI: So, how was Jess' Employee of the Month thing? LUKE: Oh, it was okay. LORELAI: Just okay? LUKE: There was punch. LORELAI: So the punch wasn't good? LUKE: No, it was just. . .the manager came up afterwards when Jess was gone and he was talking about how Jess is working forty, forty-five hours a week. LORELAI: What? That's full time. LUKE: That's what I said. LORELAI: How does he swing it? LUKE: He must be pulling double shifts on the weekends. It's all I can think of. LORELAI: No, he's pretty much duding it with Rory on the weekends. LUKE: Well, then he must be getting up super early on weekday mornings and going in. LORELAI: Have you ever seen him do that? LUKE: No, but I don't trail him either. LORELAI: Yeah, but you sleep in the same room with him. LUKE: Oh, the manager must be getting Jess confused with somebody else. LORELAI: Or. . . LUKE: Or what? LORELAI: I don't wanna say, forget it. LUKE: No, say it, go ahead. LORELAI: Or he's working when he should be in school. LUKE: Impossible, no way. LORELAI: Why? LUKE: Because he knows the rules he's gotta graduate to stay living with me. He's going, he's getting everything done, he's doing his work. LORELAI: You've seen this work he's doing? LUKE: Not for awhile, but I just know that he is. No, no way he's cutting school, it's suicide, no way. LORELAI: I shouldn't have brought it up LUKE: Ah, that's okay. LORELAI: Okay. LUKE: Goodnight. [Kirk walks up to the second Poe] KIRK: Say, how can I have a career as a Poe? POE 2: It's not a career, this is just an event that we do. I write technical manuals for a living. KIRK: Yes, but how can I have a career as a Poe? CUT TO LORELAI'S BEDROOM [Lorelai is sleeping when Rory walks in with the cordless phone] RORY: Mom. Mom, wake up. LORELAI: What? RORY: Mom, it's Tobin at the inn, something's wrong. LORELAI: What's wrong? RORY: The fire alarm's going off. LORELAI: That stupid alarm. It's always doing that. Tell him if he doesn't smell smoke, to reset it, and tell him he's fired and I'm gonna kick his ass around the lobby for waking me up. RORY: He sounds freaked. LORELAI: Ugh. [takes phone] Tobin, what?. . .Oh my God. . .Okay. [hangs up] Get dressed. RORY: What is it? LORELAI: Get dressed, get dressed. CUT TO FRONT OF THE INDEPENDENCE INN [The inn staff and guests are all gathered out front as the fire department puts out the fire.] CHIEF BAKER: [into a walkie talkie] We've got the first engine laddering the roof, first engine. Yeah, and we need PD for traffic control. [Lorelai and Rory rush up to the crowd] SOOKIE: Ah, Lorelai, thank God. LORELAI: Hey, what's going on? SOOKIE: This is Lorelai Gilmore. LORELAI: What's going on? CHIEF BAKER: In a minute, ma'am. RORY: Yeah, Mom, let him do his thing. LORELAI: You're right. Sookie, Michel, um, is everyone out? MICHEL: Yes. LORELAI: Are you sure? MICHEL: Yes. SOOKIE: Yes. We're sure, the fire department's sure, we did a head count. LORELAI: We need to double check, triple check. Julio! He doesn't start til six but sometimes he comes here early because his sister-in-law Rita gives him a ride on her way to work in Salisbury. SOOKIE: Oh! [points to Julio in the crowd] LORELAI: [walks over and hugs him] Ah, Julio, Julio. Ah, I'm so glad to see you, you beautiful man. [The fire chief walks over to Lorelai] CHIEF BAKER: Ma'am, I'm Chief Baker. LORELAI: Oh, I'm sorry I jumped on ya. CHIEF BAKER: That's okay. The good news is that this is almost out. The structure's stable, and you're probably gonna be able to get back in in about 24 hours. LORELAI: Excellent. Twenty-four hours, the structure's stable, thank you. CHIEF BAKER: That's okay. LORELAI: The statue of you is going up just as soon as we get back in. Eighty feet tall. CHIEF BAKER: I'm looking forward to it. LORELAI: Here we go guys, phase two. SOOKIE: Loving the pace here. LORELAI: Um, we need food, we need computers with Internet, we need phones. Michel, I need this on you stat. Hurry, hurry. Rory? RORY: Yeah? LORELAI: Um, help the guests with the kids, make sure they're not freaked out. Gather them up and entertain them for awhile so the adults can catch their breath. RORY: Right. I have never entertained kids how do I do that? LORELAI: Uh, take your socks off and do a puppet show. RORY: You've clearly never entertained kids either. LORELAI: It's all I can think of. Get cracking. RORY: Yes, ma'am. LORELAI: [to the guests] Hi everybody. Good morning, and uh, whoa, talk about your change of plans here. Unfortunately, you, uh, can't get your stuff out for at least a day. However, if you wanna get home immediately, we will check planes, trains, whatever you need. We will send your stuff to you later as soon as we get it. But if you can't get home yet, we will provide everything short of anything illegal, and that's gonna start with the best breakfast of your lives. [to Sookie] Uh, Sookie, go to the market and get whatever food and supplies we need for breakfast. SOOKIE: Going. [Sookie leaves. Lorelai walks over to Michel, who is on his cell phone] LORELAI: Hey, who are you on with? MICHEL: The Cheshire Cat Inn. LORELAI: Ah, great, find people places to sleep. Excellent. [walks away] MICHEL: [on phone] Yes, my name is Michel Gerard, I used to work at the Independence Inn and I was wondering if there were any positions available. [Lorelai walks back over and grabs the phone from him] MICHEL: Phones, computer, I'm on it. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai, Sookie and the inn's guests enter] SOOKIE: Morning. LUKE: What, what is this? SOOKIE: Phase two. LUKE: Phase two? SOOKIE: Into the back, guys. March! [Sookie's cooking staff carries food and supplies into Luke's kitchen] LUKE: Hold on, those guys can't go back there. LORELAI: Oh, we're in luck, lots of empty tables. Go on and take your seats, guys. LUKE: Lorelai, what is this? LORELAI: We had a fire. LUKE: Fire, where? SOOKIE: Weston's Bakery. LUKE: You're kidding. SOOKIE: They'll have fresh blueberries. LORELAI: Perfect. Um, Weston's, hurry. LUKE: Where. . .Weston's caught fire? LORELAI: No, the inn. LUKE: Your inn? SOOKIE: Just move all of Luke's stuff aside, we don't need it. LUKE: Hey, wait a minute. LORELAI: Everyone's fine, the inn's still standing, we're into phase two. LUKE: What is phase two? SOOKIE: Just shove it aside. LUKE: What are you doing? SOOKIE: Making breakfast. LUKE: You can't make breakfast here. SOOKIE: Got any plates that aren't cracked? LUKE: You're the one that's cracked. SOOKIE: Nice thing to say to a pregnant woman. LUKE: You're pregnant? LORELAI: Could you be any farther behind? SOOKIE: Yo, Caesar, help my guys and there's a twenty in it for you. LUKE: We both can't be making different stuff at the same time. LORELAI: You know, you're right. Listen, all you people who were here before we invaded, are you willing to cancel your current orders for Sookie's famous blueberry-lemon pancakes, Belgian waffles or bananas foster? MAN: Sure. WOMAN: Sounds good. SOOKIE: Okay, pull all of Luke's stuff off the grill and let's get cooking! LUKE: I'm an island. LORELAI: Luke, I'm sorry about all this, but I'm not anticipating the inn catching fire ever again, so it's a one time only thing, okay? LUKE: Like I have a choice? LORELAI: You do. Say the word and we go. LUKE: Stay, cook, eat. I'll be upstairs. LORELAI: You're a doll. SOOKIE: No, get rid of it! Dump it, dump it! I don't wanna see it! CUT TO OUTSIDE [Rory is entertaining some kids by using her socks to give a puppet show. Lorelai walks over] RORY: "Where are you going? I told you to take out the garbage!" "Nag, nag, nag. I wanna watch football and sit in my reclining chair." "Get back here or I'm gonna get you. . ." [sees Lorelai] Oh, hey, guys, hold on a second. BOY: No, keep going. RORY: Oh, calm down there, little scooter. I'll be right back. [Rory walks over to Lorelai] LORELAI: Hey Shari Lewis, how's the show going? RORY: Oh, they're riveted. LORELAI: Good. RORY: Yeah, but I stink. I keep repeating the same stuff over and over again. LORELAI: Must be working. RORY: But I named them Mr. and Mrs. Sock Puppet. I put no energy into this. BOY: Come back, Rory. RORY: You would think that a lame-o sock puppet show would bore them to tears. LORELAI: It's your narrative skills. I mean, is he gonna take the garbage out, is he not gonna take the garbage out? I'm on the edge of my seat. RORY: Yeah, but they won't let me stop and I have to get to school eventually. LORELAI: Okay. [to kids] Hey, guys, go on over to the diner and have breakfast with your families, and then ask the nice man in the baseball hat and the flannel shirt to do sock puppets for you. And if he says no, just ask him louder it's part of the game! BOY: Oh boy! LORELAI: Go! [the kids run toward the diner] RORY: You're cruel and they love you. LORELAI: Come check in at Patty's with me. CUT TO MISS PATTY'S STUDIO [A table has been set up with a computer, phone, and other supplies as the temporary inn headquarters. Michel, Babette, and Miss Patty are at the table.] BABETTE: I love computers, I just know nothing about them. What does pushing that F3 button do? MICHEL: Annoy me to no end. BABETTE: What about the F4? [the phone rings] MISS PATTY: [answers] Hello, this is the Independence Inn emergency headquarters. I'm Miss patty, I'll be assisting you today. How may I help you? [pause] The printer will be here in half an hour, I'll let him know. Thank you. Goodbye. [hangs up] The printer will MICHEL: I heard, and you've got to shorten your greeting. MISS PATTY: What? MICHEL: You do not need to recite the Gettysburg Address every time you answer the phone. MISS PATTY: I was Ricardo Montalban's receptionist for six months and he never complained. MICHEL: Who? MISS PATTY: Don't make me hit you. [Lorelai and Rory walk in] LORELAI: You all set up here? MICHEL: Computer with Internet, phones forwarded here, printer on the way. MISS PATTY: I'm the receptionist. BABETTE: And I'm learning the computer. MICHEL: And I'm looking for my cyanide capsule have you seen it? LORELAI: It's nice of you to help guys, thanks. Now, at least half the Poe group needs to stay another night, so we're gonna need to find places to put them up. MICHEL: Everything is booked. LORELAI: You checked the Cheshire Cat, the Maiden's Teacup, the Cookie House, the Sugarbear Inn? MICHEL: Every place that sounds like Glinda the Good Witch threw up, yes all booked. LORELAI: Well, then, we're gonna have to take people in. MISS PATTY: Well, I can take a couple in, sweetie. BABETTE: I can, too. We got cots. Ooh-hoo-hoo, we got cots. LORELAI: Great. Michel? MICHEL: Forget it. The Poes are weird. I'd fear being killed in my sleep. Plus, I don't like strangers using my toilet. BABETTE: I bet the Kims could put people up. And Taylor. And Al. LORELAI: And we've got our couch and my room. RORY: Nope. LORELAI: What? RORY: They can have my room, not yours. LORELAI: No, hon, mine's fine. RORY: Mom, no, mine. You are stressed out enough without losing your room. You need your rest, so you keep your bed, period. LORELAI: I'll look selfish. RORY: Well, if anyone calls you that, I'll kick their sorry butts. LORELAI: Okay, your room under protest. BABETTE: Hey Michel, I just hit F4 and the num lock key and the one with the little apple on it and it's freaking out like it's on acid or something. MICHEL: Oy vey. [phone rings] MISS PATTY: I got it. [answers] Yeah? MICHEL: Well, you need to say more than that. MISS PATTY: Well, make up your mind. RORY: I've gotta go, but page me if there's any news or anything. LORELAI: Okay. You mean, like if Michel kills Babette and then Patty then himself in a bizarre murder-murder-suicide pact? RORY: Amongst other things. [they hug] LORELAI: We had a fire. RORY: I know. Bye. CUT TO CHILTON CLASSROOM MRS. O'MALLEY: It'll be the last midterm of your high school careers, so rejoice over that if nothing else. [bell rings] Now, before you go, I just wanna mention that it looks like another banner year for Chilton grads seeking top colleges. I wanna congratulate all of those who have heard and advise patience for all of you who have not. No one has escaped from Chilton without going onto another terrific school if that is his or her goal. LOUISE: Good to hear. MRS. O'MALLEY: And I know that at least one of you has been accepted to Harvard. It's an immense honor, that. Congratulations. [students start to leave] RORY: Have you guys heard from Paris? MADELINE: Heard what? RORY: Anything? LOUISE: She's not here? RORY: She's been gone for five days. LOUISE: Huh. MADELINE: Didn't notice. LOUISE: Although, it did seem like there was a lot more air in here. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO PARIS' BEDROOM [Paris is in bed watching television. There's a knock at the door. She ignores it, and there's a second knock] PARIS: Come back for the tray later, Nanny. RORY: It's not Nanny, Paris. It's Rory. Can I come in? PARIS: I guess. [Rory walks in] RORY: Hi. I brought a bunch of school stuff from the past few days. If there's anything missing, I can bring it over later. PARIS: Thank you. No offense, but my soap's starting. RORY: So, you're sick, huh? PARIS: You know what's wrong. You of all people. That's Martin. His sister-in-law got kidnapped and he thinks his former lover is behind it. RORY: Juicy. PARIS: So, don't you have an announcement? RORY: What do you mean? PARIS: Did you get in? RORY: You know, we don't have to. . . PARIS: I know you did. You've got that Harvard glow about you, the glow of destiny. RORY: Paris. PARIS: Just tell me. RORY: I got in. PARIS: Ugh, Amanda and Richard. I'm so over them. RORY: So you've been incommunicado lately. PARIS: I've had Nanny hold all my calls, and the mail. My parents are away, so I've been totally Howard Hughes-ing it. RORY: So did you tell them about Harvard? PARIS: No. RORY: Don't you think you should? PARIS: No. RORY: Well, don't you think they'll find out? PARIS: How? RORY: Well, you not moving out might be a tip-off. PARIS: I'll get an apartment in Cambridge, buy a Harvard sweatshirt, talk about Mira Sorvino a lot. It's doable. I did tell my mother about having s*x with Jamie, and her only reaction was to talk about how my father hasn't pleased her in fifteen years. RORY: Yikes. PARIS: Like I couldn't tell. RORY: And what's going on with your boyfriend? PARIS: I haven't called him either. RORY: So the only people in your life right now work at General Hospital? PARIS: This isn't General Hospital. I don't deserve General Hospital. RORY: Okay, you've got to stop doing this. PARIS: What happened? Harvard was my destiny. I was flipping through Harvard class schedules when you were still delighting to The Adventures of Gumby and Pokie. RORY: I was more of a Pee Wee Herman kind of gal. PARIS: It's partly my parents' fault, they didn't brand me properly. I should've been at the 92nd Street Y or Brick Church. RORY: Prep schools? PARIS: Pre-schools. It decides everything. But I'm not totally blameless. I found a spot in my interview that I'm sure doomed me. RORY: You recorded your Harvard interview? PARIS: The plan was to archive everything, then donate it to the university upon my demise. Little did I expect that my demise would come this early. [she presses play on a handheld tape recorder] Paris: . . .shouldn't even be taken into account. This dovetails nicely into my feelings about population control. It's a little hot in here, can we do something about that? Anyway, population control has been dramatically successful in most European countries to the detriment of some, especially Italy, which is experiencing a marked drop Interviewer: Do you think this has anything to do with Paris: Whoa, whoa, just let me finish my thought here. Interviewer: But Paris. . . Paris: Please! [Paris stops the tape recorder] RORY: Well, you said please, that's very polite. PARIS: I sound like a meth addict. I might as well record the new Justin Timberlake over this. RORY: I hate that you're torturing yourself like this, in bed like this. PARIS: Proust wrote all three thousand pages of In Search of Lost Time in bed. If it's good enough for him. [Rory grabs the remote and turns the TV off] Hey! RORY: Bed is not a life plan, and you, my friend, need a life plan, so here it is. You need to tell your parents about Harvard. You need to start taking calls from people. You need to check the mail so that you can see the other millions of universities that have no doubt accepted you and that are probably dying to be in the Paris Gellar business. You need to call your boyfriend back because he's going to be worried about you and because none of this is his fault, and you need to start by getting the hell out of bed. PARIS: You did not just say "be in the Paris Gellar business." RORY: You know what I meant. PARIS: There is no alternative to Harvard. RORY: Except Princeton, Yale, Columbia, Stanford, Sarah Lawrence, et cetera, et cetera. PARIS: Well, maybe you're right. RORY: I'm unquestionably right. PARIS: But I'm not jumping up this second. RORY: You don't have to rush it. PARIS: And I'm going to have to keep watching this, at least until Adriana's wrongful conviction for aggravated assault is overturned. RORY: I understand. PARIS: Thanks. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai walks to the living room, where a little boy is on the couch] LORELAI: You've got your remote, your water, your comic books. Looks like we've got you all set up here, Fred Junior. FRED JR: Yes, ma'am. LORELAI: Oh, ma'am. You make me feel old. Stop it. FRED JR: Yes, ma'am. LORELAI: No, I mean it, stop it. FRED JR: Okay. [Fred walks down the staircase] FRED: I think we're out of toothpaste. LORELAI: Oh, sorry, Fred. Below the sink there's plenty more. FRED: Oh, thank you. This is kind of fun. LORELAI: Oh, well, it's fun having you guys. [Lorelai walks to Rory's room, where Rory's making the bed] LORELAI: Aw, I would've done that. RORY: I feel weird now. LORELAI: Why? RORY: About other people sleeping in my bed. LORELAI: Oh, honey, don't worry. Fred and his wife don't seem. . . RORY: Don't seem what? LORELAI: Like they're feeling extremely romantic. RORY: Oh, God, that didn't even cross my mind. LORELAI: You're kidding! That's all I would've thought of. RORY: Well, I'm thinking about it now, thank you very much. LORELAI: Got all your stuff for Lane's? RORY: Yeah, it wasn't a hard packing job. [Lorelai glances at some of Rory's papers] LORELAI: Wow, these have really changed. RORY: What have? LORELAI: The pro/con lists. In all the hubbub, they slipped my mind. Yale. RORY: What about it? LORELAI: Yale. RORY: What do you mean? LORELAI: Yale. RORY: Stop saying Yale. LORELAI: It has double the pros of the other two. RORY: I wouldn't say double. LORELAI: Triple over filthy, dirty Princeton. It's kicking butt. RORY: But I'm not done collecting my data yet. LORELAI: You have a document the length of Nicholas Nickleby here. Looks like you're done. RORY: But. . . LORELAI: What? RORY: Look at my wall. LORELAI: So? RORY: So that wall says something. LORELAI: Yeah, it says the Harvard merchandising department made a nice chunk of change off of us. RORY: But how can I go to Yale with my wall looking like this? LORELAI: It's a wall. Look, honey, Luke was right. The pro/con lists have to come to an end eventually. RORY: But Luke also reminded us that it was supposed to be Harvard regardless of a list. Everyone thinks that. LORELAI: I don't. I don't. I know I'm the one who said no to Yale loudly and a lot, but not anymore. Really, I just want what's right. RORY: I know, but it has to be right for both of us. LORELAI: If it's right for you, it's really right for me. RORY: But I don't want you to hate the place I'm going. LORELAI: Never. [Fred and his wife come to the doorway] FRED: Oh. Uh, are you not ready for us yet? LORELAI: Oh, no, we're ready for you, Fred. FRED: We hate to put you out. RORY: No, it's perfectly okay. LORELAI: I'm guessing you two are gonna fall sound asleep the minute your heads hit that pillow. FRED: Oh yeah, we're exhausted. RORY: Have a good night. LORELAI: Yeah, guys, yell if you need anything. [quietly] I don't wanna hear you yelling for any other reason. RORY: Shh! [Lorelai and Rory walk into the kitchen] LORELAI: Ah. So where's Jess tonight? RORY: Working. LORELAI: He works a lot, doesn't he? RORY: He's saving a lot, too. LORELAI: Good. RORY: He wants a better car. The one he's got keeps stalling. LORELAI: And he's still working at Luke's, too, right? RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: So is he down to part-time at school? RORY: What do you mean? LORELAI: Getting work credit or something? RORY: No, he's going full time. LORELAI: Oh yeah? RORY: Why do you say that? LORELAI: I don't know. It's just, Wal-Mart, working at Luke's, squiring you around town. . .it just seems like a lot of his time's accounted for. RORY: Well, that's crazy. He's a senior, he's going to school full time. LORELAI: Just wondering. RORY: Rest. LORELAI: I'll try. RORY: And don't start the sock puppets with Fred Junior or he'll never let you stop. Bye. LORELAI: Bye. [As Rory walks out the back door, the doorbell rings; Lorelai walks toward the front door] LORELAI: Excitement here never stops, Fred Junior. [Lorelai pulls open the door] MR. HATLESTAD: Hi there. LORELAI: The Hatlestads, hi. I thought you went home. MR. HATLESTAD: Well, breakfast was so great and the town's so nice, and you made staying over sound so fun, that we decided to take you up on it. LORELAI: Oh. MR. HATLESTAD: Is that okay? LORELAI: It's more than okay. Come on in, cause you're staying here. MR. HATLESTAD: Thank you. [they walk into the house] LORELAI: Your bedroom's right upstairs, you can't miss it. MR. HATLESTAD: Terrific, thanks. [they start walking up the stairs] LORELAI: How much room you take up on that couch there, Fred Junior? FRED JR: Pretty much all of it. LORELAI: That's what I figured. CUT TO KIM'S ANTIQUES [Rory and Lane are making up their cots in the store area] RORY: So, who do you have staying in your room? LANE: The second Poe and his wife. RORY: Well, for your sake, I hope they are very, very tired. LANE: Why? [cell phone rings] RORY: Nothing. I shouldn't have said anything. [answers phone] Hello? LORELAI: I'm a nomad. RORY: What? LORELAI: I am the lonely wanderer. Hank Williams would be too sad to write a song about me. RORY: Where are you? LORELAI: Oh, I'm a Bedouin. I'm homeless! RORY: Okay, stop with that. Where are you? LORELAI: I'm walking aimlessly around town. RORY: Why? LORELAI: The Hatlestads showed up. RORY: But they went home. LORELAI: Apparently I made the whole emergency fire accommodations sound so fun that they had second thoughts. RORY: You're a terrific salesman. LORELAI: And a terrific idiot. RORY: So where are you right this second? LORELAI: Oh, I'm in the middle of the street, a.k.a. my bedroom. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: I'm by the school, Luke's, that area. RORY: Luke's, good. Go there. LORELAI: It's closed. RORY: But Luke is upstairs. LORELAI: Oh. RORY: Ask him if you can stay. LORELAI: But RORY: I bet the answer's yes. LORELAI: He'll make me eat a veggie burger! RORY: Get moving. LORELAI: Fine. Bye. RORY: Bye. [they hang up. Lorelai walks up to the diner and bangs on the door] LORELAI: [yells] Luke! Luke! Stella! [She throws a rock at his apartment window. Luke opens it and leans out] LUKE: Who is that? LORELAI: Lorelai. LUKE: What are you doing down there? LORELAI: Enjoying some air, getting some exercise, and freezing. LUKE: Well, go home. LORELAI: Home? I have no home. Hunted, despised. LUKE: What? LORELAI: It's from Ed Wood, the movie. LUKE: Have you gone bonkers? LORELAI: People are bunking at my place and I need somewhere to stay. LUKE: And it just occurred to you now to look for a place? LORELAI: The stupid Hatlestads showed up. LUKE: Who? [A women leans out a nearby window] MRS. SLUTSKY: Pipe down out there! LUKE: Go back to bed, Mrs. Slutsky! MRS. SLUTSKY: Don't talk to me that way, young man! LORELAI: Throw your keys down. MRS. SLUTSKY: I will not! LORELAI: No, Luke, Mrs. Slutsky. LUKE: I'll just come down. MRS. SLUTSKY: Do something! LORELAI: Ditto. LUKE: I'm coming down. LORELAI: Okay. [Luke leaves the window. Lorelai and Mrs. Slutsky stare at each other] LORELAI: My my inn caught fire. [pause] Hurry, Luke. CUT TO KIM'S ANTIQUES [Rory and Lane are sitting in their cots. Lane is on the phone] LANE: No, Young Chui, it was right to break up with her. Why stay in a relationship when it's not going anywhere? . . .Life's too short, exactly. . . .No, I told you a joke last night, I need more time to come up with another one. . . Look, it's getting late. I got my math test tomorrow, I better go. . .Yeah, I'll call you to tell you how it went. . . Okay, night. [hangs up] RORY: So Young Chui and his girlfriend are broken up, huh? LANE: Yeah, and good riddance. She was very waspy. RORY: What about you and Young Chui? Are you broken up? LANE: No, my mom still thinks we're the perfect young Korean couple. RORY: Weren't you supposed to be broken up by now? LANE: Yeah, but Young Chui thinks it isn't time yet. RORY: Why? This is a fake relationship. You were never really going out. LANE: I don't know. I bring it up every night and he just changes the subject. RORY: You talk every night? LANE: Pretty much. He's a little needy right now. RORY: That's a lot of talking. LANE: Well, we're friends. RORY: Just friends? LANE: What are you getting at? RORY: Just that he's calling you every night and he keeps putting off your break-up, so God knows when you'll be able to date Dave Rygalski. He's asking you to tell him jokes and to let him know how your math test went. . . LANE: So? RORY: So. . . it sounds like he's in love with you. LANE: No. No. Young Chui is not in love with me. And it's not for you to take an innocent friendship like Young Chui and I have, with its air of innocence and its. . .innocence. Oh my God, he loves me. That stupid boy's fallen in love with me! RORY: It's not stupid. You're a catch. LANE: But not his catch, I'm Dave's catch. I've already been caught. RORY: You probably need to be more direct. LANE: That fool. And I can't break up with him or my mom will never let me date. It's gotta come from him. What do I do? [Jess knocks on the window] RORY: Just a second? [she walks over to the window and opens it] JESS: Hey. RORY: Hey. JESS: Bizarro day, huh? RORY: Wouldn't wanna repeat it. JESS: The inn's still closed? RORY: Just til tomorrow. JESS: What caused it? RORY: They're not sure. Something electrical, probably. JESS: That's usually the culprit. Something the matter? RORY: No. JESS: Good. RORY: So how was school? JESS: Same ol', same ol'. RORY: You're still doing okay? JESS: Doing my reading, writing, and arithmetic. RORY: And you're still going, right? JESS: What? Where's this coming from? RORY: There's been speculation. JESS: From who? RORY: My mom asked whether you're going full time to school. JESS: Your mom? RORY: Yeah. JESS: Why's she so interested? RORY: Because you're dating her daughter. JESS: Oh, great, what else does she think I did? Start the fire, put Phil Spector up to it? RORY: I told her yes, you were going. JESS: Well, as they say on the Family Feud, good answer. RORY: So, I didn't lie to her? JESS: No. RORY: No? JESS: Look, don't worry, I got it under control. RORY: Jess. JESS: I'm going enough. I've been picking up some extra shifts here and there, but I'm fine. It's Mickey Mouse stuff anyway. What it takes the others hours to learn, it takes me minutes. RORY: Well, if you're behind. . . JESS: I'm not behind. RORY: But if you get behind, I can help you catch up. JESS: Got it covered. RORY: If you say so. JESS: I do. RORY: Okay. JESS: So how bout you come out? [Mrs. Kim walks into the room holding a bat] MRS. KIM: What's this? LANE: He was just leaving, Mama. MRS. KIM: Why is he here at all? LANE: He came to borrow something. Here. [she picks up something from the table and walks it over to Jess] JESS: Thank you. [to Mrs. Kim] Baseball bat? MRS. KIM: Cricket. JESS: Night. [Jess leaves, Mrs. Kim locks the window] CUT TO LUKE'S APARTMENT [Lorelai and Luke are making up the bed.] LUKE: Oh, don't do that. LORELAI: Don't do what? LUKE: Don't pull the sheet back after I pull it. I need more for this side. [they continue making the bed] LUKE: You pulled it back again. LORELAI: Okay, I need it for my side. LUKE: I need it to tuck in. LORELAI: Same here. LUKE: I always tuck it in on this side. LORELAI: Let's tuck it in on both sides. LUKE: You tuck a bed in on both sides? LORELAI: Yes, and then I slip down into it like I'm in a straitjacket or something. LUKE: Oh, you must feel right at home there. LORELAI: I so set you up for that. LUKE: Fine, tuck it in on your side. [Luke walks toward the couch] LORELAI: You know, I really should take the couch. Me taking the bed doesn't feel right. LUKE: Oh, now, come on. LORELAI: What? LUKE: You browbeat me into giving you the bed and pretending you don't want it now isn't working. LORELAI: I'm pretending to try to be polite. LUKE: I'm fine with the couch. You're the one that's exhausted. LORELAI: You know, I'm actually not. LUKE: Really? LORELAI: I'm, like, strangely exhilarated. I mean, as awful as what happened today was, I'm happy with how I handled it. You know, you never know how you're gonna react in situations like this until something happens and I think I did pretty well. LUKE: Yeah, I do, too. [the phone rings.] LUKE: [answers] Hello? . . .oh, hey, Nicole, hi. . .Yeah, I'm good. . . Oh, not much. There was a fire at the local inn out here and. . .Yeah, the one she works at, yeah. . .Everybody's fine. Yeah, just a lot of chaos for awhile. So how was your thing today? . . . All right, fill me in tomorrow. . . Seven's good. . .Okay. . . Okay, yeah. . .Goodnight. [hangs up] That was Nicole. LORELAI: So I heard. Why didn't you tell her I was here? LUKE: Didn't come up. LORELAI: You mean, she didn't out of the clear blue and for no reason ask you if I was sleeping over? LUKE: Just didn't seem necessary. LORELAI: Well, you have nothing to hide here. You just took in a refugee. LUKE: I know there's nothing to hide. It's just that. . .you've kinda become a. . . LORELAI: Become what? LUKE: A sore point with me and Nicole. LORELAI: What, how? LUKE: Well, on our first date, I was a little nervous and I wasn't having any luck coming up with topics, so I was just kinda blabbing a lot. And then she ordered extra fries at dinner, so it reminded me of you and I told her a quick story about you and French fries, and that seemed fine. And then later, she ordered a third cup of coffee. . . LORELAI: Oh, Luke. LUKE: And I mentioned you and your coffee thing, and I noticed that Nicole kind of reacted a little, and ever since then, she's been a little sensitive to the issue. LORELAI: Well, of course she is, Luke. You don't talk about another woman on a first date. LUKE: Even if it's just a friend? LORELAI: They don't exist. LUKE: Come on. LORELAI: Not on a first date. LUKE: No other women exist on a first date, not even my mother? LORELAI: Do you really think talking about your mother on a first date is wise? LUKE: Not really. LORELAI: You can maybe mention a sister, maybe. And then you move on really, really quickly. LUKE: This is why I hate dating. LORELAI: Well, unless you wanna be Mountain Man all your life, you've got to abide by the rules and customs. Ooh, sorry, I have to get up super early tomorrow. LUKE: No problem. What time? LORELAI: Six. LUKE: I get up at quarter to five every morning. LORELAI: Why in the world would you get up that early? LUKE: I don't know, to run my business? LORELAI: Well, change businesses. Ooh, wow, total d j vu. LUKE: Really? LORELAI: It's the alarm clock. I had a dream once that you set eighteen alarm clocks to get me up, which is not a bad way to get me up. LUKE: Where were we? LORELAI: We were, um, at my house. I got up, I went downstairs for coffee, and you talked to my stomach. LUKE: Why on earth I do that? LORELAI: Well, because I was pregnant. Twins. LUKE: Mine? LORELAI: What am I, dream tramp? Of course yours. LUKE: We were married? LORELAI: Um, yeah. Did I not mention that? LUKE: No. You know, you shouldn't drink coffee when you're pregnant. LORELAI: Uh, true. LUKE: It's probably why Rory's a caffeine addict. LORELAI: Right, you're right. LUKE: Dream go beyond that? LORELAI: No. Um, you talked to my stomach and then you ki. . .well, no. LUKE: Oh, okay. Well. . .night. LORELAI: Yeah, night. CUT TO LATER THAT NIGHT [Luke and Jess are snoring loudly. Lorelai has trouble sleeping, so she gets up and leaves] CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Rory gets some coffee from the counter and sits down at a table with Lorelai] RORY: Luke and Sookie have worked things out. LORELAI: There does seem to be a grudging respect thing going on. SOOKIE: Get the ricotta fritters started, guys. I wanna serve those first. LUKE: Hey, we making the Cajun Eggs Benedict again? SOOKIE: I don't know, we could. LUKE: Let's do it, it was good. SOOKIE: Well, the Cajun was all your doing. LUKE: Only because I knocked the cayenne pepper into your hollandaise. SOOKIE: Hey, how do you think they invented the Reese's cup and penicillin, my friend? We can win the Nobel here. [Jess walks down from upstairs] JESS: Morning. LUKE: You're up early. JESS: Gotta catch me that worm. See ya. LUKE: Where you off to? JESS: School. LUKE: This early? JESS: I got a lab project going on. Me and my team are meeting early. LUKE: Well, have a good day. JESS: If I have a choice. [walks over to Rory and Lorelai] Hey. LORELAI: Good morning. JESS: Talk to you later. RORY: Later. [Jess leaves; Lorelai's cell phone rings] LORELAI: By the way, your boyfriend snores. RORY: Didn't need to know that. LORELAI: [answers phone] Hello. . .it is?. . .oh, I love you, I love you. . .thanks. [hangs up] We're open. Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please. That was just Chief Baker on the phone who told me in that deep sexy voice of his that the inn is officially reopened. Uh, right now it's just me and the staffers, but soon, very soon, you will have your stuff back and you can go home. FRED: Thank you, Lorelai. Listen, from our group, we want to give you this. [hands her a stuffed raven] LORELAI: Oh, well, that's the nicest dead bird I've ever gotten. Thanks, Fred. POE 2: It's from all of us. LORELAI: Right. Thank you Poe Society. Coming Sookie? SOOKIE: I'm coming. Okay, you need to caramelize the hazelnuts for the brioche French toast, add some Madeira to the pear-poaching liquid and add some chives to the cream for the sheared eggs. LUKE: Don't burn anything, got it. RORY: I've gotta change for school. LORELAI: Go, go, we'll see you later. SOOKIE: Let's go. CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN [Michel and Chief Baker are waiting on the porch as Lorelai and Sookie walk up] MICHEL: Ah, here they are. LORELAI: Hi, Michel. Hi, Chief. Don't we love our chief? SOOKIE: I bet he can beat up all the other chiefs. LORELAI: For sure he can. MICHEL: Can we get on with this? CHIEF BAKER: Let me just unlock the door here. LORELAI: Michel, the first thing I wanna do is get into all the rooms and get all the guests' stuff into the lobby and organized for them to pick up. Sookie, go to the kitchen and let me know what's what. Maybe we can open for dinner. CHIEF BAKER: Dinner? LORELAI: Yeah. CHIEF BAKER: Anyone give you a heads up about what's inside? LORELAI: No. CHIEF BAKER: You might wanna wait til you get inside to make your plans. And go slow. [Lorelai, Sookie and Michel enter the inn and survey the fire damage in the lobby. Meanwhile at Lorelai's house, Rory enters to find the Harvard paraphernalia on her bedroom walls has been replaced with Yale paraphernalia.]

A fire at the Independence Inn forces Lorelai to relocate its guests to her own house and those of her friends, and leaves her spending the night at Luke's, where she reveals her dream of being married to him and pregnant with their twins; Sookie invades Luke's with staff in tow to prepare breakfast for the Inn's guests, and gets into a culinary groove with Luke after a rocky start; questions arise about Jess' attendance at school when he receives the Employee of the Month award from Wal-Mart and Luke discovers that he's working there more than full time; Lorelai and Rory start picking up on weird and somewhat unfriendly vibes coming from Nicole and Lindsay; Rory visits Paris, who's missed five days of school to take to her bed and hide from the world, and prompts her to stop watching soaps, call Jamie, tell her parents about Harvard, get a life plan, and rejoin the land of the living; after making extensive pro-con lists in an effort to decide whether to attend Harvard, Yale, or Princeton, Rory has a heart-to-heart with Lorelai and chooses Yale.

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"Psychic Friends" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe ALSO STARRING Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Grams: Mary Beth Piel Bessie: Nina Repeta Abby: Monica Kenna *Dawson's room. On the television, Devon (Rachel Leigh Cook) playing Sammy rows her boat down the creek. Cut to Joey laying on her stomach on Dawson's bed with tears in her eyes. The movie ends.* Dawson: Well... Joey: Well, (sighs deeply), I don't think I can find the words. Dawson: I mean, keep in mind that it's a rough cut and everything. Just tell me. Be honest. Joey: In my entire life I have never been this unequivically moved by words and moving images onscreen. I mean this is the type of movie going experience that not only enlightens and inspires but it could change the way people look at their lives, their world, their universe! Dawson: God, Joey, you have no idea how much that means, especially coming from you. Joey: No, there's no doubt about it. Jack McPhee will be one of the great filmmakers of our generation. I mean, think about it, Dawson. We knew him when! *Joey gets up off the bed* Dawson: (confused) Wait a minute, Joey, I directed this movie. Joey: Spielberg, Corsazi, Seleni, Burdenen, McPhee! Dawson: Joey, what are you talking about? You were there! I directed it! Look! (takes film out of the VCR) Creek Daze, a film by (confused) Jack McPhee?! *Jack enters through the window* Joey: (to Jack) Honey, there's only one word to describe you. Brilliant. *Jack laughs.* Joey: No, genius! Jack: Honey, you will not believe what happened. I ran into Steven Spielberg in the cafeteria. He offered me a job! I'm going to Hollywood! *Joey and Jack start kissing and Dawson stands there looking at them completely confused. They stop. Jack gets down on one knee.* Jack: Will you marry me? *Dawson looks at Joey amazed at this.* Joey: Yes! *Jack gets up.* Dawson: Wh-wh?! You're gay! Jack: I guess not! *Jack and Joey start kissing again.* Jack: Let's go! We'll, uh, send you a postcard from Tinseltown. Dawson: Joey! What about us? *She follows Jack out the window.* Joey: It's showbiz, Dawson! Dawson: Joey! Joey!! Joey: Get over it, Dawson. You're not my type. You never were. *Joey and Jack are gone and Dawson's face turns to a look of horror.* Dawson: Noooooooooooooo! *Cut to Dawson sitting up in his bed at nighttime. It was only a dream.* *Cut to film class with the new teacher. Dawson and Jen are in the class.* Miss Kennedy: Great filmmakers have always asked questions, taken risks. They're not afraid to make the audience think, feel, even if it makes them squirm in their seats a little. The truth has that effect on us. So...how does this movie make you feel? Jen? Jen: I think that the Capra is a little too sacran, you know? I think his characters are too unrealistic like "Gee, whiz, isn't life great?" Dawson: I think that's a misconception though. I think Capra's films are actually pretty dark. I mean, when you meet John Doe, the Gary Cooper character's a participant in the plight of the common man. Miss Kennedy: Good, Dawson, what else does his character represent? Dawson: Optimism. I mean, the hero wasn't innocent which leads you to believe that the future has hope so the antagonist is cynicism. Miss Kennedy: I agree. Good films are complex and ambiguous. They're full of darkness as well as light. I think this film is about how things should be. Dawson: Or should be. *The bell rings. Cut to Dawson and Jen walking out of the class and down the halls.* Dawson: I was sad to see Mr. Gold leave but Miss Kennedy is like... Jen: Every 16-year-old male's wet dream. Dawson: No... Jen: (doubtful) Mm-hm. Dawson: It's more like hero-worship with her. I mean, she's the real deal. The reason she's here is she's taking a sabbatical to write a major screenplay for TriStar. Jen: Great. Now you've got somebody around who's opinion actually carries some weight, huh? Dawson: Yeah... Jen: So you showed her Creek Daze yet? Dawson: No. Jen: Dawson... Dawson: I'm afraid she'll think it's amateur hour! *Mitch, substituting at the school, walks up behind them.* Jen: Show it to her. It's ready. Mitch: Hey. Jen: Hey. *Jen walks off.* Mitch: Hi Dawson. Dawson: Mr. Leery. Mitch: (hurt) Come on, you can call me Dad. *Dawson motions him to follow him into an empty classroom.* Dawson: It's awkward enough to have you as my English teacher but if people hear me call you Dad, I'm going to get beat up after school. *Mitch laughs* Mitch: Come on, it's not that bad. Dawson: It's great that you have a job you enjoy, but when we're in school, just pretend like you don't know me. *Dawson yawns.* Mitch: Not sleeping? Dawson: No. I'm having nightmares. It's like I'm stuck alone in a dark theater watching my life go by on the screen and all the coming attractions are box-office bombs. Mitch: What happened to my son? The eternal optimist? Dawson: People move on. The only person you can really count on is yourself. It's--I've spent the last few weeks trying to change things that I have absolutely no control over. One thing I know for certain is that I want to be a filmmaker and that's all that matters to me. So no matter what I have to make that happen. *Dawson exits the room back into the hall. Cut to Joey sitting at a table drinking a Diet Coke in the lunch room, checking out guys in the lunch room.* Joey: Loser....Pervert...Serial Killer...Airhead...okay, Jack, it's your turn to rate the guys in the lunch line. Jack: Look, Joey, I appreciate your attempt to bond with me and my new identity, but I'm not going to check out guys with you. Joey: Why not? There's nothing sexual about it. It's a superficial, idiotic, ridiculous, fun way to spend the lunch hour. Jack: Are you okay? Joey: I'm bored with this school, with work, with this town. Also, with myself. I mean, this is the most amusement I've had in weeks. *Jack laughs. Joey looks back over to the lunch line.* Joey: Conceited...Too Pretty...ooohhh, definitely a Frank-enstein...ooooh, Leo, as in DiCaprio. Jack: (laughs) How completely bizarre is this? The other week we were dating and now... Joey: I know. It's a little strange. Does it bother you? Jack: Actually, um, no. You? Joey: (truthfully) No, it doesn't bother me. *Cut to Pacey and Andie walking down the docks.* Andie: Why not?! Pacey: Because last year a bunch of punk kids threw water balloons at me and then a bunch of jocks knocked the booth over. And being coerced with the threat of death to run the safety booth for the Capeside Police Department is not exactly by idea of a rockin' good time. Andie: I looked up to our safety mascot when I was a kid. Pacey: And you wonder why they called you Andie McGeek on the playground? Andie: Okay, you were not supposed to repeat that. Pacey: (laughs) Listen, a stuffed animal named Skippy, the safety dog, is not going to dissert kids from doing drugs. Andie: No, Captain Skippy sends out a positive message. It's completely worthwhile. Pacey: This is a democracy. If a two-year-old child doesn't want to sit in a safety seat, he shouldn't have to! Andie: Pacey. Pacey: Okay, that was a bad example but you know what I mean. Andie: Look, there's supposed to be a fortune teller at the fair and I really want to know my fortune. Pacey: Andie, what is it with you and all this mumbo-jumbo, crystal crap? It's a scam, alright? Andie: Okay. If you do the Captain Skippy booth, then we can (she whispers something in Pacey's ear.) *Pacey smiles.* Pacey: (in a gruffy voice) Hello boys and girls, this is your old friend, Captain Skippy, here. *Cut to the Winter Fair. Jack is messing with the pictures on the art exhibit him and Joey were putting up.* Jack: So, tell me, Miss Potter, are these a still life collection from your earlier works? *Joey's in a daze* Jack: Hm? Joey? *She snaps out of it.* Jack: (laughs) Where were you? Joey: None of your business. Jack: Ah, I see, lost in X-rated thought? Joey: No... Jack: Come on, tell me. Joey: Okay, but promise you won't laugh? *Jack crosses his chest like he promises.* Joey: I was thinking about kisses. *Jack starts laughing.* Joey: Forget it! Jack: No, no, I'm sorry. It just sounds funny coming from a girl who decided to throw away relationships in pursuit of her true self. Joey: I know. I mean, sometimes I'm sorry I ever said that. I mean, I'm being honest with you here to the point of utter humiliation, I miss the kissing part. And I'd like to think that I'll get kissed again before the millenium comes and goes. Jack: It'll happen. Dawson: What'll happen? *Dawson has walked up.* Joey: Nothing. Dawson: Okay...well, I guess I'll see you guys later... Jack: No, why don't you stick around and help us set up? Joey: Yeah, stay! Dawson: Nah, I'm helping Miss Kennedy with the sound and film exhibit so... *Dawson walks off.* Jack: So...Frank? Leo? Joey: Dawson's definitely a Leo.. Jack: Dawson seems a little moody lately. Joey: I know. I can always tell when there's something wrong with him but it doesn't seem like he wants my help right now. I can't get our friendship back on track and I miss him, you know? Jack: Give it time. I'm sure he'll want you back in his life, trust me. In the meantime, why don't we find out when that elusive next kiss is going to find it's way to your lips. Joey: What? *Jack points to a tent with a sign outside that reads "Madame Zenovich". It's the fortune teller. Cut to Pacey with Skippy the safety dog puppet on his hands talking to Andie.* Pacey: (in a gruff voice) And remember, kids, if you have s*x, protect yourself. Do it where you can't get caught, you know? Andie: Uh huh, mm-kay, come on, why don't you come get your fortune told? Pacey: Because I don't want to go in there, have that lady take one look at me, and predict Armageddon, death, and destruction on a global level. The end of the world as we know it. Andie: I thought you didn't believe in them. Pacey: I don't. I just think the power of suggestion is a very dangerous thing. Andie: But don't you think if you knew what was coming up, if you knew what to expect, then you could at least be prepared for it? Pacey: I think that you should save your money, Blondie. The all-powerful Paceydini will predict your future. I see a tall, dark, handsome man who is occasionally brilliant and often self-effacing coming into your life and sweeping you off your feet. Andie: Well, good. Then I have something to look forward to. Pacey: Funny. Very funny. Have I told you how funny you are? *Cut to Madame Zenovich and Joey and Jack in a dark tent.* Madame: Five dollars. *She blows smoke in Jack's face and he coughs slightly and Joey looks uncomfortable as she gets her money and hands it to the fortune teller.* Madame: I see a 'C'. Do you know a Carrie? *Joey shakes her head no* Madame: Claire? Connie? Cory? Casey? Caroline? Joey: I know a Carol, but I haven't seen her since kindergarden. Madame: She's telling me that she borrowed something of yours. Does that mean anything to you? Joey: I don't know, she might have borrowed a pencil or something... Madame: Yes, she has your pencil. *Joey looks disappointed. Just then, a gentle breeze comes through the tent and the wind chimes make noise.* Madame: Mmm...there has been much pain in your past. Too much loss for one so young. You've put up walls to protect you from harm but by doing so, you cut yourself off from new opportunities, new adventures. You must say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. Joey: So what about my future? Madame: What do you want to know? Joey: What's going to happen? Madame: You'll come to a fork in the road. You'll have to choose which path to take. Joey: Well, how will I know which to choose? Madame: You will be safe if you follow your heart. Joey: Anything else? Madame: A tall, dark man will come into your life. Joey: (happy) When? Madame: Soon. *Cut to Dawson walking with Miss Kennedy* Miss Kennedy: So when do I get to see this cinematic masterpiece of yours? Dawson: How did you know I made a movie? Miss Kennedy: Your father brags about you in the faculty room. Dawson: Oh, God... Miss Kennedy: Your father says that you're going to be one of the next great filmmakers of our time. Dawson: Mitch tends to exaggerate. Miss Kennedy: Really? You mean because he's already rented a tux for the Oscars? Dawson: Oh, shoot me now, please. Miss Kennedy: Well, if you're not going to show it to me, at least tell me what it's about. Dawson: It's a romance. Miss Kennedy: Really? Something else we have in common. I'm writing a romantic comedy for Columbia. Dawson: I know..I heard. I know I'm going to sound like a naive film geek for saying this, but you being here has really given me a lot of hope. I mean, you grew up in a small town like this. It's just being a filmmaker has always been like this impossible dream that--it's just the fact that you're here, that really kind of inspired me. I don't know. I just wanted to say that. Miss Kennedy: Do I make you nervous? Dawson: No. Nah. It's just--I don't know, I guess I'm a little intimidated by you. Miss Kennedy: Sometimes people mistake my ambition for arrogance. It's just that when I first started out, I had to do it on my own. I guess it just kind of toughens the exterior. Dawson: Yeah... Miss Kennedy: I should have guessed your film was a love story. Dawson: Really? Why'd you think that? Miss Kennedy: You have quite the romantic spirit, Dawson Leery. *Cut to Jack and Joey walking back towards the art exhibit.* Joey: Five bucks to tell me a tall, dark stranger was going to come into my life. Jack: And hopefully he's a Leo, not a Frank, right? Joey: I can't believe I spent five of my hard, and I mean hard earned, cash to hear that-- *Joey is stopped when a tall, dark man who's been looking at her paintings interrupts.* Colin: Excuse me? Are these yours? *Jack looks at Joey and Joey tries to talk, but just nods.* Colin: These are quite good. Hi. I'm Colin Manchester. Joey: Hi. Colin: (looks at Jack and back at Joey) Well, good work. *Colin walks off. Jack hits Joey playfully on the arm.* Jack: Let me get this straight. Your destiny walks up to you, introduces himself, and you send him packing? You can really turn on the Ice Queen comments when you want to. Joey: What? Jack, I'm not looking for a boyfriend, anyway. I'm looking for myself, my future. Jack: Well, maybe he's a sign. A sign to get that pre-millenium, no strings, no commitment kiss? Come on, the guy has experience. I mean, take a chance. Have an adventure. Joey: That's what the fortune teller said to do. To say yes to every opportunity that crosses my path. Jack: And throw conscious to the wind. Come on. Go talk to him. *Cut to Jen helping Grams set up a booth with quilts and other decorations.* Grams: I appreciate your help, Jen. I know that you must have better things to do. Jen: (laughs) The funny thing is, Grams, that I don't. Grams: Are you sure you can't work things out with that nice, young man Ty? Jen: Nope. Sorry. Looks like we're both destined to see the future as single women, Grams. Grams: Ohh... *Jen is folding a quilt and she looks over at a booth and the old guy at it is looking at Grams.* Jen: Grams, Grams, don't look now, but that guy over there at that booth is totally checking you out. Grams: Oh, don't be silly. Someone checking me out, the very idea! Jen: No, I swear to God, he's coming over here right now! *The old guy, Whit Hupley, walks up.* Whit: Evelyn Ryan! Whit Hupley. Grams: Lord in Heavens, I thought you were dead. Jen: (under her breath) Great pick-up line.. Whit: Look at you. It must be...30 years. Grams: Has it been that long? Whit: Look, why don't we have dinner together tonight and catch up on old times. Grams: Oh, no! Really. I-I-I-couldn't, but thank you, really, Whit. Whit: Well, if you change your mind, you know where I'm at. *He walks away.* Grams: What? Jen: He's very sexy. Grams! I saw the look in his eyes. He was having impure thoughts about you. Grams: Oh, stop it! Stop that talk right now. [SCENE_BREAK] *Cut to Joey looking at photographs on an exhibit. She turns the corner where Colin is.* Joey: You know your work is really quite remarkable. Colin: Thank you. Joey: Joey. Joey Potter. Colin: Can I buy you a cup of hot chocolate Joey Potter? Joey: That would be lovely. Thank you. Colin: Cool. Let's go. *He walks ahead of her and she turns around and smiles and Jack and he smiles back and she follows him. Cut to Dawson and Miss Kennedy in a room. Dawson's looking at the rolls of film.* Dawson: This is incredible. You've got Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Harry Leningdon, where'd you get these? Miss Kennedy: I had them sent down from the Boston archives. You really are a true film buff, aren't you? Dawson: Oh, obsessed, actually. No one's ever understood my tunnel vision. It used to bother me but now, I don't care. Nothing really else matters. Miss Kennedy: Yeah, I can relate, I'm pretty obsessive about my writing. I think it shows in my work, as I'm sure it does yours. Dawson: Um, speaking of my work, I was wondering if you would... Miss Kennedy: Watch your film. I thought you'd never ask. *Cut to Joey walking with Colin.* Joey: My mother was an artist and one of my first memories of my life was her all covered in paint with this serene look on her face. But I just recently began taking lessons. Colin: Wanna sit? Joey: Sure. *They sit down on a bench.* Colin: Look, please don't take this the wrong way, but are you even aware of how unbelievably beautiful you are? Joey: You know you're an incredibly photographer, when did you start taking pictures? Colin: I don't know. I can't remember. I've always been fascinated with faces. How differently they appear in certain light and I made a discovery that there are a few faces that can exute a million different emotions at once. That you can stare at for hours like a work of art. Joey: So you're a freshman at the Art Institute? Colin: Joey, you have the most unbelievably sentuous lips. Kind of like Carol Lindbargh's. *Joey laughs.* Colin: Look, this may be way out of line, but do you think there's any way I could--do you think it would be possible that I could-- Joey: Yes? Colin: Photograph you? Joey: (disappointed) Sure. *Cut to Jen looking at a clothespin with a bow on it.* Jen: What is this? Grams: It's a decorative clothespin to put on open potato chip bags. Jen: Of course it is. Grams, he's coming over again and if he asks you to dinner, say yes. *Whit's back carrying a rose.* Whit: I won't take no for an answer. You wouldn't make an old man eat alone. Grams: Actually, I would. Alright, alright, dinner. Whit: Great. Yeah, I'll meet you here at 8 o'clock. *He turns around to leave but turns back and hands Grams the rose. He walks off. Grams turns around and her face falls.* Jen: Grams? What? What's the matter? *Grams shakes her head no.* Jen: If it makes you feel guilty about Gramps, then it shouldn't. I know he'd want you to go on with your life. Grams: No, it's-- Jen: What? What is it? Grams: That part of my life is over. There are certain things that you have to say goodbye to. I mean, look at me. I graduated from high school with Whit Hupley, and I look old enough to be his mother. Jen: You know, I think it's time to introduce you to some wonderful women that I know. Grams: Who? Jen: Miss Clairol and Este Lauder. *Cut to Pacey in a police outfit in a huge doghouse with the Skippy puppet on his hand and his other hand over his mouth to cover up him talking for Skippy.* Pacey: (gruff voice) Remember, kids, Captain Skippy says never talk to strangers, always wear your safety belt, and memorize your address and phone number. Kid: Captain Skippy, you're a great big, smelly jerk! Pacey: (gruff voice) I know you are but what am I. Kid: (mocking) I know you are but what am I. Pacey: I know you are but what am I. (gruff voice) And now, Skippy takes big nap. Bye-bye. *Cut to Andie at the fortune teller. She's holding her hand to examine her palm.* Andie: So what do you see? *Madame Zenovich looks up with fear and wind blows the candle out. Cut to Pacey walking towards Andie coming out of Madame Zenovich's.* Pacey: (gruff voice) Hey, Andie, you won't believe it. (He notices she's upset) Hey. What happened? What's wrong? Andie: Nothing, um, I'm fine. I'm just going to go for a walk. *She walks off and Pacey stares after her. Cut to Joey going to sit down by Jack at a picnic table.* Jack: Hey, what happened? Joey: He wants to take my picture for his photo collection. He's a freshman at the Art Institute. Jack: Where? Joey: Community Arts Building. I guess there's some costumes and stuff backstage. Jack: What do you know about this guy? Joey: Nothing. And I don't want to know about him. I don't want to know if he has a girlfriend or a foot fetish or a wrap sheet. And he doesn't know anything about Joey Potter, waitress extraordinare. He's an artist. He's different. He's life-experienced. Maybe I'll learn something from him. Jack: What? The art of french kissing? Joey: It's not about that, Jack! It's about expanding my horizons. I'm having an adventure. I'm having fun. Jack: And I'm going with you. Joey: Jack! Jack: No, there's no arguments! This guy could be a tall, dark psychopath. *Cut to Dawson and Miss Kennedy watching Dawson's movie.* Devon (aKa Sammy): I'm not in love with him. He's my best friend. You. You are some baracuda who needs someone to keep her bed warm. Abby (aKa Kim): You don't even know the first thing about me! And before you make me into the role of the wicked temptress who's trying to seduce your non-boyfriend at least get your facts straight! I told you I am a virgin! Devon (aKa Sammy): Oh, please, we Creeksiders may be provincial but we're not stupid. *Cut to Jen's house. She's coloring Grams' hair.* Jen: Now, Grams, this is the 90s and women today have to protect themselves. You do have contraceptives, don't you? Grams: (starts to get up from the sink) That's it. I'm not going. Jen: Oh, I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Get back here. I predict that this will be an evening filled with old-fashioned romance. Anyways, Whit seems like a really cool guy. I'm sure he has Trojans in his wallet. *Grams mouth drops open. Cut to Joey looking at outfits at the Community Arts place.* Joey: So...what should I wear? Colin: You can wear anything you want. Just think of this as a chance for you to try on a different side of your personality. You know how do you want to see yourself? Jack: This one. Right here. This is it. *He's pointing to a black feathery number. Cut to Joey standing looking unhappy while the camera flashes.* Joey: I feel like a drag queen. Jack: You look great. Colin: Alright, loosen up now, Joey. Now give me a little bit of attitude. Attitude. *Joey is moving her black feather boa around and making different faces.* Jack: Yes! Colin: Yes! Excellent! Alright, you're a Madonna, strutting herself on stage. *Joey flings the boa over her shoulder and smiles.* Colin: Good! Keep that up! Alright, Marilyn Monroe singing "Happy Birthday" to JFK. *Joey turns around and looks over her shoulder and smiles.* Colin: Excellent! Yes! Jack: You're the ghost of Catherine and you're waiting for Heathcliff at the end of Wuthering Heights! Colin: Good one. Jack: Thanks. Colin: God, she's beautiful. Are you two just friends? Jack: Yeah, just friends. Colin: Good. Excellent, Joey. Give me one more of those. *Cut to Joey in a new outfit: a leopard coat over a black outfit, posing in numerous ways.* Colin: That's it! That's it, Joey! *She's sitting on the edge of a chair.* Colin: Now, come down. *She slides down to where she's sitting sideways in the chair. Cut to Joey in a new outfit. It's suspenders with a shirt under them and a hat on. The first picture she has a rose between her teeth. One picture she takes one of the suspenders off.* Colin: That's it, Joey! That's it. You are fabulous! I can not wait to get these developed! *They hug* Joey: Thank you. *As they were hugging Joey signaled Jack to leave. They stop.* Colin: You are one diva. *They stand there for a minute, Joey's obviously wanting a kiss, but Colin walks away. Cut to Jen going through Gram's clothes.* Jen: No, nope, no, no, no, definitely not, nope. *Cut to a timelapse and Jen is finishing up the makeup on Grams.* Jen: Grams, dating is just like riding a buck. All you have to do is get back on. (she turns her towards the mirror) Believe me, when he takes one look at you, he won't want to do much talking. *Cut to Pacey at the Winter Fair. He walks up to a table where Madame Zenovich is.* Madame: You should come to see me, young man, and get your fortune told for only five dollar. Pacey: Just curious, when somebody comes to get their fortune told, why can't you just say something nice? Something reassuring? Because I gurantee you that's what they want to hear. Madame: Then that would not be the truth. If one asks for the truth, they must hear the answer. Pacey: Well, I'm not asking. Madame: I think I will tell you anyway. I see a young man that wears a mask that is not his own. To the world he is strong and confident, but beneath the mask is a little boy. Afraid of the world, afraid of everything. He knows that everything he has is lying on a deck of cards. Even the tiniest gust of wind could knock it all down. *Pacey gets up and walks away. Cut to Joey leaving and she's walking by Colin.* Colin: There's something I wanted to--Nah, forget it. It was nothing. Joey: What? Colin: There's something I wanted to-- Joey: Yes? Colin: Is your friend Jack dating anyone? *Cut to Joey back at the art exhibit with Jack.* Jack: So, what happened? Joey: Well, he probably would have thrown me on the ground and made passionate love to me if-- Jack: If? Joey: He wasn't gay. Jack: What? Joey: He compared me to Madonna and Marilyn Monroe, talk about your red flags. Jack: What? Joey: He's gay. As in three-dollar bill. Jack: You're kidding me. Joey: No. And Jack...you really need to develop some gaydar. Jack: Yeah...and I hear they're giving a training class on that down at the community center! Joey: I'm sorry. I'm new at this. Jack: You? What about me? People look at me like I'm about to start tap-dancing to Bette Midler albums. Joey: Well, this should cheer you up. It turns out a tall, dark stranger's coming into your life. Jack: What? Joey: He wanted to meet you after the fair so I told him you'd meet him at the fire at 11. Jack: You what?! Why?! Joey: Because he's nice, he's smart, he's attractive. What's your problem? Go out with him! Jack: Look, just because there's a second homosexual in Capeside, it doesn't mean that I'm obligated to go out with him, Joey! *Cut to the movie finishing while Miss Kennedy and Dawson were watching it.* Dawson: So, what'd you think? Miss Kennedy: It's fine. Dawson: Fine? *Miss Kennedy nods.* Dawson: Come on, your opinion is really important to me. I really want to learn so.. Miss Kennedy: You want my honest opinion? Dawson: Yeah, don't hold back. Miss Kennedy: Are you sure you want the truth? Dawson: (hesitant) Yeah... Miss Kennedy: Okay, then I'm not going to sugarcoat it, Dawson. I think your film is completely uninspired. I mean the production line is flat, the storyline is non-existent, even your dialogue is not believable. Dawson: It needs more work, I know that. Miss Kennedy: It lacks emotion of any kind and sends no message to the audience. Dawson: If I cut the B storyline? Miss Kennedy: It won't help. It's a proposterous soap opera about a bunch of teenagers who talk too much. I mean, we've seen it before. All that self-aware, self-referential, hyperboles, filled with cliches that are disguised as send-ups. It actually borders on plagerism. Dawson: This is only my second film though. I'm still learning. Miss Kennedy: Look, Hollywood's tough. They don't hand out rejection with a box of chocolates. It's real, it's harsh, and it hurts. You're sweet, Dawson, and you're just the type of person Hollywood eats for breakfast. And it would break my heart to see that happen to you. Dawson: Thank you for your honesty. Miss Kennedy: I'm sorry Dawson. *Cut to Jack sitting down by Joey and handing her a cup of hot chocolate.* Joey: Thanks. Jack: I'm sorry, Joey. I overreacted. I know that I should be moving forward with this whole sexual identity but the truth is I'm just not ready. Not yet. Joey: Well, we've got a whole lifetime of adventures ahead of us, right? Plenty of time for romance. *Jack kisses her on the forehead.* Jack: Plenty of time to be kissed. Come here. *They snuggle up together. Cut to Dawson walking sadly at the fair. He spots Miss Kennedy getting into a car with his dad. They drive off. Dawson spots Joey selling one of her pieces of art to a guy and his daughter. Dawson smiles. Then Jack runs up to Joey and they hug about it. Dawson's face falls and he walks on. Cut to Pacey sitting next to Andie by the fire.* Pacey: Alright, Andie, tell me what happened. Andie: I just wanted to know that things would get better but they're not. She said the troubles of my past are only a preview of what's to come. I need to know that the worst is behind me, Pacey, because I don't know if I can take anymore unhappiness. Pacey: Andie? How can you take the word of a five dollar carnie seriously. Your future is going to be so bright and so magnificent that it's going to be off the scale. There's no measure for how wonderful your life is going to turn out. Andie: I wish that I could believe that. Pacey: You don't have to. I'll believe it for you. *Pacey kisses her hand and they sit by the fire. Cut to Joey walking towards Colin by the fire.* Joey: Hey. Colin? I'm sorry but Jack isn't coming and I really didn't have any right to accept for him. Colin: Ah, it's alright. Joey: Are you okay? Colin: What? This? Yeah. Joey: Are you sure? Colin: Actually, I'm on the proverbial rebound. I just broke up with someone and, um, we were friends a long time before that but now I don't have the relationship or the friend. I guess I was just trying to fill a void. Joey: Can I ask you something? Colin: Yeah. Joey: Why did the two of you break up? Colin: You know, at the time, I could think of about a million reasons, but now I can't think of any. Does that make any sense? Joey: Yeah, uh, more than you could imagine. Colin: You know, sometimes I wish I wasn't in such a big hurry to move forward, there just comes a point when it's impossible to go back. *He kisses her on the cheek.* Colin: Goodnight! *Cut to Jen walking around. She spots Grams.* Jen: Grams? Grams? What's the matter, Grams? Where's Whit? Grams: Oh, his wife wasn't feeling well so he had to cancel. Jen: His wife? Grams: Mm-hm. Jen: I'm so sorry. I should never have pushed you into going out with him.I had no idea. Are you okay? Grams: I'm fine. Jen: I feel like crap. Grams: Well, you shouldn't. You did something wonderful for me today. Ever since your grandfather died, I assumed I'd done all the living I was meant to do but now I realize I can't live in the past. I need to open up to new people, new friends. Jen: Do you ever--Do you ever get afraid of facing the future alone? Grams: Oh, sometimes. Jen: Me too. *Cut to Dawson walking to Madame Zanovich as she's closing.* Dawson: Five dollars, right? Madame: I'm closed. Dawson: You're closed. Of course you are. I'm sorry. I already practically know what my future is anyways. Dawson Leery is destined to live a life of misery and die loveless, friendless, and in complete obscurity. Madame: Dare not the spirits for they are powerful and unforgiving. (She sits down next to him and pulls out her deck of cards and takes one). Ah, the Lovers. Very interesting. A soulmate walks into your path, one you have none for many a lifetime before this one. She knows you well. She sees into your soul. She feels your pain. Dawson: She blew me off. Madame: No. She's here. She's around you. Dawson: Then why do I keep losing her? Madame: That which is lost can not be found again. *Dawson looks up at the sky and then reaches for his wallet.* Dawson: Thanks. *He turns to pay her but she's gone. Cut to Dawson standing in his room staring at the model of Capeside. He gets up and he makes half of it fly across the room and hit the wall. Cut to Joey staring up at Dawson's house through his window, but she doesn't see Dawson. Cut to Dawson, trying to call Joey, nobody's home. Cut to Joey turning away from Dawson's and rowing back towards her house. Cut back to Dawson sitting by his window and clutching his knees. Cut to Joey walking towards her house. There's a man standing at her door.* Joey: Who's there? *The man turns around and it's Mr. Potter.* Joey: Daddy?

Dawson's confidence as a filmmaker is shaken when Miss Kennedy, the new film teacher, turns out to be a movie studio executive on sabbatical in Capeside, who gives his amateur movie a scathing review. The future is unsure for Joey as well, when a psychic advises her to be open to every new opportunity that crosses her path. Andie also visits the psychic and is told less than positive things about her future.

fd_Heartland_08x18

fd_Heartland_08x18_0

Amy: Previously on "Heartland"... Officer: You Ty Borden? Ty: Yeah. Officer: You're under arrest for the assault of Jesse Stanton. (Handcuffs rasp) When I was a little girl, I always used to imagine what my wedding would be like. I even told my mom that I was gonna ride Sugarfoot down the aisle. Peter: Georgie, we know that you saw us kissing. Lou: But just because those feelings are there doesn't necessarily mean that we're getting back together. Georgie: (Sighs sadly) What is your problem?! So what if you were abandoned?! Who cares?! Get over it! Jesse's dropping the charges. Amy: Let's get married! Ty: What? This is our moment. I don't wanna wait another minute! Lou: They're eloping. Minister: All right then, let's begin. (River flows) (Birds chirp) (Footsteps crunch in snow) Hey! Look who's finally awake! I haven't slept like that in weeks. Both: (Chuckle) Amy: Thanks for making tea. Ty: No problem. There's bacon and eggs keeping warm in the oven if you want some. Can I expect this every morning? (Kiss) (Amy chuckles softly, Ty sighs contentedly) Ty: It's so quiet here. I know. I wish we could just stay here forever. (Sighs) We should probably call Lou. Ty: Yeah. Amy: It was the right decision, right? Ty: It was the right decision. (Kiss) (Amy chuckles) Lou: This is so completely selfish and-and unfair of them to leave me hanging like this. Well, it's not totally about you. Lou: Wha-really, Peter? You know what? It-it kinda is. Because I'm the one who's gonna have to cancel the arena, and the flowers, and the food. Oh! And, let's not forget, call each of the guests personally. I should've seen this coming. I think, you know what? Actually, I did. I saw this coming. You know, even before Ty's assault charges! (Sighs heavily) Peter, be honest with me. Is even a small part of this my fault? I mean, did I... Did I push Amy too hard? Okay. don't answer that. Look, I know you're supposed to fly out to Vancouver tonight, but... are you gonna go? I mean, just considering everything that's... No. It's canceled already. I'm gonna stick around until this all settled. Thank you. I... I appreciate that. So what time did the guys leave this morning? Oh, like before dawn. (Fire crackles) Ty: Yeah. No cell reception out here. Guess we'll have to call Lou when we're on the road. Amy: Sometimes the reception's better outside. Ty: Oh, really? Amy: Mm-hmm. (Kissing) Ty: Well, maybe I should go outside then. (Amy giggles, sudden knock on the door) (Knocking) Ty: Yeah, yeah, coming. Ty: Hey! Jack: Good morning. Now what the heck did you two think you were doing?! Ty: Okay, h-hold on a second. Amy: We can explain. Jack: Well, do you have any idea what Lou's going through right now? How did you even know we were here? Will Vernon called. That's how! He also said that you were looking for a minister. Ty: We were, okay? We wanted to get away from all the craziness. We just wanted something that was... special. Well, congratulations. I guess you got what you wanted. No, hold on. We didn't, guys. Tim: You didn't what? Amy: We wanted to be... with family and friends. So... no. We didn't get married. S08E18 And at the break of day you sank into your dream You dreamer... Oh, oh, oh, oh... You dreamer... You dreamer... (Horse whinnies) Georgie: Good boy. Okay... okay, does that feel better? Huh? Here, look. (Paint chews loudly) Got it? Got it? Good. Good boy. (White horse grunts and kicks stall door) (Grunting, snorting, and stamping) Georgie: Hi, bud. You gonna be nice today? (Snorts and grunts, paws the ground) (Paws the ground, snorts and grunts) Fine, be that way. But I can't help you if you won't let me. Hey, Spartan. Hi. (Snorts and grunts, paws the ground) Jack: Well, you know this is all your fault. Tim: What're you talking about? Jack: Well, you gave 'em the idea. "When I look back on my wedding, it would've been better if Marion and I'd just eloped." And I quote. Tim: Oh, you should talk about running away and getting married. (Sputters) Ah! (Sighs) And you! I want you two to stay on our tail. Don't get out of our sight all the way back to Heartland. (Door clicks open) Amy: (Sighs) Ty: Compared to possible jail time, this will be a picnic. Tim: Hey, hey, hey! Hey! Get a move on! Let's go. (Amy snorts, doors bang shut) Lou: What's-what's that, dad? No... you're- you're coming in and out. Dad! They didn't get married?! Uh... okay! Fine. (Door closes heavily) But-but-obviously they don't want a wedding like the one we planned. They do. Th-they wanna get married. Okay. Uh... yes! No, of course I'm relieved. Yeah... no, no. No! I-I-I don't wanna talk to them or-or I'm gonna lose it. Yes. Okay. (Phone beeps off) Okay, so, apparently they thought about getting married but then they didn't get married and now they still wanna get married. So it's a go. They're coming home like nothing happened. Peter: (Laughs) Good! So then it's all good now, right? And you can relax a whole bunch. Lou: Relax? Peter, there is zero time to relax. Oh, Georgie, now that the wedding is actually happening, you have your last dress fitting today. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Lou: What do you mean, you're not doing that? Peter: Wait, wait. I got it, I got it. I got it. Lou: Okay. (Sighs heavily) (Light knock) Peter: What's the deal with the dress? I don't wanna be part of the wedding. I don't feel like... Watching people promise to be together forever. It just... makes me sick. Well, I know that you're mad at me, and I know you're mad at your mom. But I don't know why you're mad at Amy. 'Cause she's the one you're gonna hurt with this, you know that, right? Georgie: Well, she doesn't even want a big wedding. That's why her and Ty ran away in the first place. I'd run away if I could... And maybe I will. Peter: C'mon, Georgie... Georgie: No, I'm serious. I could go live with Jeff. Peter: Yup, well, I guess that's a decision you're gonna have to make. Listen, your mom and I are really, really trying to be positive about this- Georgie: Yeah, 'cause there's so much stuff to be positive about. So I guess... You're going back to Vancouver now. Peter: No, I'm staying here. Your mom could use my support. And she could use yours too, okay? (Quick kiss) (Stuffed animal thumps) (Truck engines rumble outside) Amy: Bye, dad. (Remy barks) Hi, Remy. Good dog. No, you stay outside. Stay. (Remy barks) (Door opens and closes) Amy: Lou. I am so, so sorry. And I understand how upset you were. Are. Amy: Are... and I just want you to know that it was good for us to walk away. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed yourselves because you gave us all a heart attack. Amy: No, really. It put things into perspective. And we are happy to go forward with the wedding as planned. We'll do it your way now, I promise. My way? Amy, it was never just my way. Jack: (Chuckles) Lou: (Sighs) Katie: Can I go and play, mommy? Lou: You don't want any pie? Okay. All right. So the cake and the caterers. You're on top of that, right? Lisa: Yes, I am. They're on track. Lou: Great. You two still need to hang up the lights at the dude ranch, and the evergreens need to be put into barrels, okay? Amy, you and Ty still wanna spend your wedding night at the dude ranch, right? Amy and Ty: Uh, yeah. Yeah. Lou: Okay. And I hope you picked up your suit. Ty: Uh... my suit? Well, I have a suit. It's... it's a nice one. It's the one I wore at Jack and Lisa's party. Lou: Ty, it's your wedding day. You need a formal black suit. I don't care if-if you rent it. I told you and Caleb weeks ago. Georgie: Aren't you glad you came back from Pike River? Lou: Look, I'm sorry. But, you know, you guys decided you wanted this wedding enough that you didn't elope. So somebody has to pull it all together, and I guess that someone is me. (Phone rings) I'll get it. (Phone rings) How can you let me know now? This close to the day? Okay. Yes, I might've missed your call earlier, but... This is unacceptable. I am gonna talk to my lawyer. Fine! (Phone beeps off) And the nightmare continues. Amy: What's going on? Lou: Hillsdale Valley Arena, the-the venue... It fell through. Amy: What? How? Lou: They double booked with a rodeo! A rodeo! The wedding can't happen there. Amy: That's great! Lou: That's great?! Amy: It's not great, Lou, but just relax, okay? That venue felt too big anyway. We'll find somewhere else. Lou: Amy, there is nowhere else. Anywhere even worth considering would be booked by now. Lisa: Lou, it's okay, all right? We just wanna get married. It doesn't matter where we do it. Lou: Yes it does, Amy! I... I'm sorry! I-I totally messed this up! Amy: Lou! It'll be fine. Peter: Lou! Lou: Just leave it, Peter. Jack: You know, when... Lyndy and I were getting married, her parents planned this big wedding... in a church, and... reception for... two hundred or more. Well, Lyndy and I, we weren't that into it. What we both really wanted was... You know, something small. In fact, we both wanted to get married right here, right in front of this fireplace. (Fire crackles) Amy: So do I... Ty: I'm with you. Amy: Let's just have the wedding here. It's the best of all places and... I think that's what I've always wanted! Then why didn't you say so? Well... I don't know. You just had everything under control... Lou: Amy, if I pushed you into things you didn't want, I'm sorry. All right? That's not... that wasn't my intention. You didn't, Lou. (Chuckles) Okay. Maybe a little. But I'm the one who should be sorry. I should've been here, giving you more feedback. And I know you were frustrated with me. Now we have a chance to do things differently. Lou: Amy, it's winter. We can't just pitch a tent in the yard and throw up some twinkly white lights and it will all be fine! No. But we can have it here in the living room, in front of the fireplace. Lou: We'll never fit all the guests in there. Sure we will, Lou. We've had lots of big parties here. (Distracted) What is this? Lou: It's your wedding dress. Amy: Really? Mrs. Bell sent it. (Tissue paper rustles) Oh, Amy, it's beautiful. Lou, I wanna get married here. It will be simple and amazing. I really think that, for the first time, it feels right. For both me and for Ty. (Paint grunts) (Latch clatters) (Stall door clunks shut, lock latches) (Pail clunks on ground) Hey! Look, I know you don't trust me, but you can. I'm not gonna hurt you. (Horse paws the ground) You know what's gonna happen if you don't at least try? You'll never have a home. No one will ever take you. (Agitated grunts and snorts, paws the ground) (Hard clunk as horse kicks stall) Georgie: You're trouble. Trouble. That's what I'm gonna name you. (Agitated grunts and snorts, paws ground) Trouble. Amy: That's it! Good boy! (Chuckles) (Sighs) You know, I am actually getting excited about the wedding. Like really excited. Did I tell you that my dress came? Mrs. Bell did an amazing job! Have you picked yours up yet? Georgie: Uh, no. Amy: Georgie, you only have a couple of days to do that. Georgie: Well... Would you be like super mad if... I wasn't your bridesmaid? Amy: Oh... okay. I'm disappointed, but I understand that you're not going through the greatest time right now. And if you don't wanna stand up with me, it's okay. (Trouble grunts and snorts) Georgie: Amy! Look out! Trouble: (High-pitched whinny) (Hooves thud, trouble grunts and snorts) Amy: It's gonna take a lot longer than I expected for this guy to come around. Georgie: Well, you can't give up on him. It'll just make things worse. He'll think no one in the whole world cares about him. (Neighs, and grunts loudly) (Broom swishes) Hey... Georgie's worried about you. You have to learn to trust us. (Trouble grunts) (Paint whinnies nearby) Amy: What's wrong, Paint? Hmm? You okay? (Lock unlatches) You feeling all right? Oh... (Approaching footsteps) Ty: Hey there. Amy: Hey. Ty: What's wrong with him? Amy: Feel his legs. Ty: Oh yeah. The lumps in his joints have really gotten bigger, haven't they? And they're hot. Really inflamed. Jack: How inflamed? Ty: Well, I'm sure the herbs and the massage are good for him, Jack... But he's not healing up like he ought to. Well, Scott can prescribe him some drugs that could... That could help, you know? He... he just might not make the progress that a younger horse... Jack: Just be straight with me. Ty: I hate to say this, Jack, but it... it's time. His cow herding days are over. I... I think you should let him retire. Georgie: Amy? (Cabinet door closes) I'm really sorry... Amy: About what? Georgie: It's not your fault everything is so messed up. I've been thinking a lot about it and... Do you think I could still be your bridesmaid? If you want me to? Amy: Of course I want you to, Georgie. Thank you. And you know, if you ever wanna talk about anything, I'm here to listen, okay? I mean that. And I think you're right about that horse. I understand, and we will give him every chance he needs. Okay. Thank you. Jack: I don't know why we don't just keep these up here all year round. (Truck rumbles nearby) Peter: Great. (Staple gun clicks) (Engine cuts out) Tim: General. (Door bangs shut) Surprised to see you here. I thought you'd be long gone to Vancouver by now. Yeah, well, I'll be around as long as Lou needs me, so. Tim: Well, first time for everything, huh? Jack: All right, just give it a rest, you guys. You know, Peter, I haven't said much, but... I really hate to see you and Lou go through this. You guys have always been real good at working things out, together. Now you've got to think about the girls too and... I know. I... I know, Jack. Believe me, I do. But don't forget, Marion had two girls too and... Amy and Lou grew up just fine, in spite of Tim being an absentee father. Wha? What? What do you know? Peter: I know I'm not gonna be an absentee dad, that's what I know, and I'm gonna be here for my kids when they need me. I'm-I'm sensitive to that. Well, nothing says sensitive like a separation agreement. You know what? I don't need your crap, Tim. Tim: You're gonna have to keep taking it, obviously... Jack: All right, all right, enough! We've got work to do here. See those boughs? They all have to go into these barrels. Lou's orders. So let's get at it. [SCENE_BREAK] (Wind whistles) Ty: (Sighs heavily) Caleb, hey! Where are you, man? Did you remember to pick up the suits? (Door opens) Ty: Oh, thank God. Lou has been on my case. Caleb: Well, I'm late cause they had to do a few final alterations on my suit. Ty: That looks good. Caleb: Well, I'll tell you, it's not something I'd like to do everyday. The guy was a little too up close and person for my taste. Oh yeah. I look hot in a tuxedo. Ty: Caleb! What the heck is this?! Caleb: Uh... (Ty's cell phone rings) Ty: Hey, Amy! Amy: Can you believe it? This time tomorrow we'll be married. Ty: Yeah. Really. We will. Uh... it's crazy. (Laughs) Are you okay? Ty: Yeah. I'm fine. Amy: You just sound kind of... nervous. Do you wanna come over? Ty: Uh... yeah, I... I can't. I got some last minute things to, uh, fix up. Besides, it's bad luck to see the bride the night before the wedding, right? (Laughs) Okay. Be superstitious. I love you. Ty: I love you too. Amy: I'll see you tomorrow and... don't be late, please. Ty: Okay. (Phone beeps off) Caleb, what're we gonna do with this? (Light knock) Tim: Hey. Amy: Hi. Tim: How're you feeling? Amy: Good. You're not thinking of packing up your truck and leaving, are you? Amy: (Laughs) We are never gonna live that one down, are we? Tim: (Sighs) Amy... I know Ty and I have had our differences in the past, but... I know he loves you and... He's the right partner for you. You're still the best part of the package. Amy: (Laughs) Tim: But one of the hardest things that a father has to do is entrust his daughter to another man. But Ty's the right man, so... you're happy, I'm happy. (Light knock) Lou: Bedtime for the bride. She needs her beauty sleep. Tim: Okay! You got all the crazy plans together, Lou? Lou: (Sighs) Not really. The bakery just called and the freezer broke down without them knowing, so the cake basically melted. But that is not something the bride needs to worry about. Right? Right. (Taps doorframe) (Tim and Amy chuckle) So your suit is number 5087, right? Did you happen, by chance, to get a black tux? (Stifled) Yes! Yes, it's very boring. Well, I think my friend happens to have your totally awesome blue tux. Any chance that we can meet and swap it out? Yes! Okay. I'll be there in twenty minutes, tops. First round's on me. See ya. (Phone beeps off) Done. Ty: (Relieved sigh) Caleb: See? Problem solved. That's why I'm your best man. (Door bangs shut) Jack: Hey, partner. How're you feeling? (Latch clatters, door creaks) (Paint snorts softly) Are you ready to take one more ride with me? (Paint grunts) You've been a good friend and worked real hard. I guess you deserve a little peace and quiet in the field. Lou, don't forget do give the duderanch key to Ty. Lou: I'm on it! Dad, did you pick up the flowers? Tim: Nobody asked me to pick up flowers? Amy: These heels are killing me! I am not wearing them! Lou: I told you to practice. Jack: Okay, the flowers are here. Lou: Where is Katie's other shoe? (Dramatic music) (Exhales sharply) Wow. You look so beautiful. (Excited exhale) (Footsteps thump) (Processional music starts) (Feet scuffle as everyone stands) (Light kiss) Minister: Welcome family, friends, and loved ones. We gather today to celebrate the wedding of Amy and Ty. You have come here to share in this commitment that they make to one another, to offer your love and support to their union, and to allow Amy and Ty to start their married life together surrounded by the people dearest and most important to them. So let's get this started. (Everyone chuckles) Minister: Do you, Ty, take Amy to be your wife, your partner in life and your one true love. Will you love her, comfort her, honour her and protect her as long as you both shall live? I will. Minister: Do you, Amy, take Ty to be your husband, your partner in life and your one true love? Will you love him, comfort him, honour him and protect him as long as you both shall live? I will. Minister: Will you, family and friends, support and uphold Amy and Ty in their marriage now and in the years to come? All: We will. Minister: Amy and Ty have written their own vows. Please, go ahead when you're both ready. Deep breath. Ty and Amy: (Chuckle) Ty, you are my best friend, and I promise to love you and cherish you. Amy, I have never had a better friend. I promise to love you, laugh with you and to comfort you. Amy: I promise to grow along with you, and to be willing to face change when we both change. Ty: I promise to share my hopes, my thoughts and my dreams as we build our lives together. When you need someone to encourage you, you will always have me. When you need a helping hand, you will always have mine. Because from this day forward, you do not walk alone. Amy: My arms will be your shelter, my heart will be your home. I promise to love you with all I have to give... And all that I have to give... Amy and Ty: In the only way that I know - for I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart. Always and forever. Minister: May I have the rings, please? (Rustling) (Caleb clears throat nervously, guests chuckle) Minister: Ty, please place this ring on Amy's finger and repeat after me. Amy, I give you this ring as a daily reminder of my love for you. Ty: Amy, I give you this ring as a daily reminder of my love for you. Minister: Amy, please place this ring on Ty's finger and repeat after me. Ty, I give you this ring as a daily reminder of my love for you. Amy: Ty, I give you this ring as a daily reminder of my love for you. Minister: Well done. Amy and Ty: (Chuckle) Minister: By the power of your love and commitment and the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss each other! (Passionate kiss, guests clap and cheer) (Clapping and cheering) (Clapping) Soraya, it is so great to see you. I can't believe you came all the way from England! Soraya: Oh my God, I wouldn't have missed it! You know that! Come here! Clint: Congratulations, Ty. What a day! Ty: Yeah. Thanks for being here, Clint. I appreciate it. Lou: Everyone, I would like to officially introduce Ty and Amy for their first dance as husband and wife. (Guests clap, music starts playing) Modern woman let's... Let's make a home go do what you want to You look beautiful. Thank you. But don't leave me alone Peter: Hey, kids, you wanna dance? (Georgie and Peter laugh) Lou: Come here. You guys look so pretty. Modern woman Jack: Will you dance with me? Lisa: (Chuckles) Excuse me. I will. Let's make a family make a family Casey: You look so handsome it's ridiculous. Tim: Thank you. Casey: (Giggles) I love you. Tim: What did you just say? Casey: Well, one of us had to say it. You weren't showing any signs. Tim: I said it. I said it already. I... You never responded. You did not. When did you say that? Tim: The other day I said it and you said, "mmm..." Casey: That's not true! Tim: Yeah! (Laughs) Please be kind to your baby (Guests chatter) Modern woman modern woman Val: Can I borrow him for a moment? Cass: Sure. Yeah. Val: Thank you. Okay. ...make this peasant your man Val: I guess this probably isn't the right time or place but... You do know I got Jesse to drop the charges against Ty? Caleb: I do. Val: Yeah, well... The other issue... The lien Jesse put on your property? I tried to set that right too, but unfortunately, I couldn't. It's already in effect. If the loan isn't paid within the next month, the bank will call it. Well, I appreciate you trying, Val. Thank you. You're kidding. Val: Caleb, I'm more than happy to cover the loan. Jesse was completely out of line. See, he hasn't realized yet that money can tear friends and family apart. And that's not the way the Stanton's do business. I can't accept this. Val: Yes you can. Wow. The man sure looks damn good in a tux. Caleb... (Sighs) You know I always thought you weren't good enough for Ashley. I was wrong. (Guests clap) She's never been as happy as she was with you. (New song starts) If I have to... (Caleb chuckles softly) Lou: You know, weddings are funny. They have a way of making you remember your own. Ours was kind of crazy, wasn't it? Peter: It was pretty great. Remember grandpa surprised us with that sleigh? Peter: (Laughs) Yes! I remember how cold it was! It was freezing! Oh... But I didn't care. That was the happiest day of my life. I'm sorry, I didn't um... Peter: No. It's okay. It was... It was a great day. Georgie: Jeff? Um, I... I have a question. If... if I wanted to, do you think I could come live with you? You wanted me to before. Uh... look, Georgie, I get that you're upset about Lou and Peter, you know, splitting up and everything... Georgie: But-but Jeff... Jeff: Just listen to me, all right? You will do way better staying here than you will living with me. I'm working real long hours to prove myself at this job and it's just... It's not the place for you to be. And look at them... Who knows, but... Those two don't look like they're over. Georgie: But they are. Jeff: Even so, neither of them will ever abandon you. You can count on that. And I don't have much time (guests chatter, music plays) (Glass clinks repeatedly, everyone shushes) Jack: Okay, folks. Now I have a note from Ty's parents to read and emails from as far away as England, from Mallory. Now there'll be speeches and more speeches to come, I'm sure. After a courtship like Amy and Ty have had, everybody's got something to say. (Guests laugh) Ty and Amy: It's true! Jack: But there's one more step to take before this marriage is complete. Now my family, the Bartlett family, has a tradition as old as this ranch. And, Ty, now that you are officially part of this tribe, and I can't tell you how proud I am to say that, it's time for you to pick a stone. Tim: Make it quick, Ty, before he goes into that old yarn of his. (Guests titter) Ty: (Sighs) Which one's yours again, Amy? This one. Is this one taken? Jack: No, sir. Ty: That's the one then. Jack: Done. This is now, officially, the Ty Borden stone. (Guests cheer) Hooray! Yay! Yes, sir! Cheers, everyone. To Amy and Ty. Everybody: Cheers! (Glasses clink) (Truck engine rumbles) (Truck rumbles to a stop, doors click open) Ty: All right. (Engine shuts off) (Doors bang shut) Ty: Okay, I got this. Amy: (Laughs) Ty: Now watch your dress. Amy: Just don't drop me. (Laughs) Ty: All right. Amy: (Giggles) (Kiss) (Doorknob rattles) Ty: It's locked. Amy: Don't you have a key? Oh yeah, Lou said she put it in my suit pocket. Can you get it? Amy: Put me down? Both: (Laughing) Okay... (Jacket rustles) She didn't do it. The great wedding planner forgot to give me the key. Hold on a second. (Bangs against door) Amy: Ty! Not a good idea. Ty: (Frustrated sigh) I got a better idea. (Truck rumbles to a stop) (Engine cuts out, doors bang shut) Ty: Hey. Amy: (Laughing) No, I can walk! Ty: Okay. (Door slides open and bangs shut) (Footsteps thud on the stairs) Ty: Oh! Hold on a second. Hold on, hold on. Come here. Amy: (Laughs) (Doors burst open) Amy: I'm glad that cabin was locked. (Kiss) Ty: Hey, it all started here, didn't it? Amy: So I guess I did it. I married the boy in the loft. (Passionate kiss) (Doors creak and bang shut) So the cow said "Hey, close the door". Were you raised in a house?" Katie and Georgie: (Giggle and laugh) Tim: Hey-hey! Jack: Oh, there they are! Everybody: (Talking at once) Lou: How was your night? Did you like the cabin? Amy: Um, yes, it would've been great, Lou, except that the door was locked. Lou: What? No! Ty: Yeah. It's okay though. It all worked out. Lou: Oh no! Lisa: Oh no, someone left the door locked. They forgot the keys?! That so wasn't on my list! Oh wait! Lou: So sorry. Speaking of keys, I have something to say. We all got together on your wedding present and... here it is. Ty: Uh. Amy: What? Did you-to France?! Ty: Are you kidding?! Amy: (Laughs incredulously) Lisa: And this is the key to my home in Toulon... it actually opens the door to the house... and it's all yours. And the car is coming this afternoon, so I'd go pack, if I were you. Amy: What?! This is unbelievable! Ty: (Laughing) Thank you! Amy: We're going to France. Ty: Yeah! Guess what? This time, you get to go together. (Laughing) That was the most beautiful wedding ever. It was better than I ever imagined. I couldn't have done it without you. You're the best. Lou: Thank you. Amy: Where is Georgie? Lou: I-you know, I don't know. I told her you were leaving. Peter, have you seen Georgie? Peter: No. Lisa: Your chariot awaits, madame. Amy: Okay. Tim: Okay. Don't wanna miss your flight. Amy: Tell Georgie I'll call her. Lou: I will. Ty: Yeah, we better get going, Amy. Jack. (Hands clap together) Jack: Proud of you. Ty: Thank you. Amy: Hey. (Kiss) You be safe. Amy: I love you. The pink sky is burning as our story's told Lou: We'll miss you! The pages are turning, we're watching it unfold (Laughing) Let's keep on chasing (Trouble grunts) Georgie: It's okay. You don't have to be afraid anymore. You can trust me. It's okay. I don't want you to go. I'm here with you, I'll take care of you. (Trouble grunts, paws the ground) Here's to today and here's to tomorrow Here's to our love from which we will borrow Amy: Stop the car. Ty: Hey. (Trouble whinnies, hooves thunder) (Low grunt, high-pitched whinny) (High-pitched whinny, hooves thud erratically) 'Cause the best is yet to come (Trouble neighs) the best is yet to come And I'll be the one to wake you at dawn And I'll be the one to fall in your arms And I'll be the one to carry you through And I'll be the one for you (whispers) It's okay. Here's to today and here's to tomorrow Here's to our love from which we will borrow And here's to forever, to you and to me Here's to tasting the sun (Door slams shut) 'Cause the best is yet to come 'Cause the best is yet to come The best is yet to come

To give Amy and Ty the wedding they really want, Lou struggles to deal with a slew of hurdles. Ty and Amy get married at Heartland. Val gives Caleb money for his debt with Jesse. Georgie is able to get through to a troubled horse following in Amy's footsteps with Spartan.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_10x17

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_10x17_0

PLANET OF THE DALEKS BY: TERRY NATION 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. JUNGLE REBEC: Somewhere on this planet there are ten thousand Daleks! (TARON looks stunned. REBEC breaks into another fit of coughing.) TARON: Are you fit to move? (REBEC nods.) TARON: We must find the others quickly. They're bound to send a patrol to investigate the crash. REBEC: With any luck, they might think there were no survivors. (TARON hears the sound of several people coughing nearby and looks as VABER returns through the smoke with two more beige spacesuit-fitted, young Thal men. VABER helps one of the - LATEP - along with his arm slung across his shoulder while MARAT can walk unaided.) TARON: Maret! Latep! Are you alright? LATEP: Just shaken. We came down with a bang. MARAT: I'm alright. TARON: Good. We must move, it's not fit to stay here. REBEC: Do you have a plan? TARON: Yes, yes, I think so. VABER: (Impatiently.) We'd better get a move on, we haven't got much time! (TARON leads the way off...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. DALEK CITY ENTRANCE (JO, accompanied by an invisible WESTER who is carrying a branch for protection, hides in the bushes near to the entrance to the DALEK city. It has been built into solid rock and its entrance is all that can be seen. This appears to be some primitive Spiridon work like a former temple. On either side of the tall entrance are carvings of alien shapes, rather like two totem poles. In front of these stand two DALEK guards. Figures covered entirely in purple fur robes wheel large tubs of the green vegetation into the city and through the high open double doors. JO whispers to WESTER...) JO: Is this the only way into the city? WESTER: Yes. JO: Somehow I've got to find a way of getting past those Dalek guards. WESTER: Even if you could, what would you do once you got in there? JO: Well, find the Doctor and try to rescue him. WESTER: Ah... (JO looks in puzzlement at the fur-covered figures.) WESTER: Those are my people - the Spiridons. The Daleks have made them slaves. JO: But I can see them now! WESTER: Ah, you see the furs they wear to protect them from the cold. JO: What are they taking into the city? WESTER: Samples of our vegetation. The Daleks are experimenting with plant-destroying bacteria. JO: Now, if I could hide in one of those bundles... WESTER: You can't risk it. JO: Look, if I got into the city, where's the most likely place they'd be holding the Doctor? WESTER: In the lower levels, most certain - deep, deep down. JO: I'm going to try it. [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. DALEK CITY. CELL (CODAL nervously paces the cell as the DOCTOR continues to adapt the TARDIS log.) CODAL: Doctor? DOCTOR: Mmm? CODAL: If this jamming device of yours works, we'll have a weapon that we can use against all the Daleks. We can give the lot of them brain-storms. DOCTOR: No, I'm afraid not, Codal. You see, the Daleks armour acts as a sort of shield, so we've got to get in very close. In any case, the effect will only be temporary. CODAL: Well, how long will it last then? DOCTOR: Well, if we're lucky, long enough to get away. That is...if... CODAL: If what? DOCTOR: If it works. (The DOCTOR continues working. Now CODAL looks even more nervous...) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. ICE TUNNEL ENTRANCE (TARON has taken MARAT and REBEC to a small tunnel entrance, no more than a couple of feet wide, in a rock face on the edge of the jungle. It can be seen that inside the tunnel, the walls are composed of ice. REBEC puts her hands in a small pool of liquid that drips down the rock in front of the cave. The liquid has a slight greenish hue.) REBEC: It's freezing! TARON: Yeah, it's an anatrope of ice. REBEC: A what? TARON: Well, it's a form of ice that never gets hard. Codal is convinced that the core of this whole planet is a mass of it, because every once in a while the pressure builds up and the whole thing bursts to the surface. REBEC: Like a volcano? TARON: Yeah, but instead of...instead of white hot lava, this erupts with molten ice. We've seen it - tremendous explosions - the ice covers the jungle for miles around! MARAT: Are there many of these outlets? TARON: Yes, dozens of them, but this is the nearest one to the city. REBEC: Yes, but...why's it important to us? TARON: Ah, well...when they built the city, they used this ice volcano to provide a cooling system. They drove shafts out to meet the natural fissures. MARAT: So if we could find the junctions we could get right inside the city? TARON: That's the theory anyway. (MARAT crouches down and looks into the ice tunnel.) TARON: Trouble is we don't know if the shafts will stay wide enough to crawl through...and we'll have no idea which tunnel to follow. REBEC: And if the ice erupts when we're in there? (TARON looks at her, but before he can answer, VABER and LATEP return through the jungle. VABER carries one of the bombs.) VABER: I've left the rest of the explosives in a safe hiding place. TARON: Good. VABER: I've marked the position - just in case. (He hands TARON a map which he looks over and passes to MARAT.) TARON: (To MARAT and REBEC.) Switch on your heating units. It's going to be cold in there. (The two adjust a small electronic pack on the belt of their spacesuits.) TARON: You two get started. (MARAT nods and he and REBEC crawl into the tunnel.) TARON: Vaber, Latep, remember - positions by the main entrance to the city. If we manage to cause a diversion - you attack. VABER: Right. (LATEP nods and moves off. TARON turns to follow the other two.) VABER: Er, Taron. Er, about what happened, I'm... (His apology dries up.) TARON: Forget it. (VABER follows LATEP without a word or a gesture. TARON starts to crawl into the ice tunnel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. DALEK CITY. CELL (The DOCTOR finishes adapting the log.) DOCTOR: Oh, well that's it. That's the best that I can do. (He passes it to CODAL to look over.) DOCTOR: There's only one thing we need now. CODAL: What's that? DOCTOR: A Dalek to try it out on. [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. JUNGLE (In the jungle two, fur-clad Spiridons dump vegetation into one of the tubs. JO and WESTER watch. The two Spiridons move into the trees.) WESTER: Quickly - now! (JO runs up and into the tub, pulling the vegetation over herself. Seconds later, the Spiridons return with more supplies, throw it into the tub and wheel it away. JO pokes her head up briefly to see where they are going.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. DALEK CITY ENTRANCE (The Spiridons wheel the tub into the city past the DALEK guards.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. ICE TUNNEL (The Thals crawl along the ice tunnel on their hands and knees, TARON in front, REBEC behind and MARAT bringing up the rear. They can hear constantly rumbles of ice flows and these sounds echo through the cramped tunnel. Turning a corner, the angle of the tunnel is constantly downwards. The three stop and huddle for a moment.) REBEC: Oh, it's so cold! My heating unit's turned to maximum but I'm still freezing. MARAT: Ha...how far do you think we've come? TARON: It's hard to tell. We should strike one of the cooling ducts soon. (There is a louder rumble, loud enough to be a crash.) REBEC: What's that? (They look down the empty but ominous tunnels in both directions but see nothing.) TARON: I don't know - just keep moving! (He pushes REBEC ahead. He is about to follow but a nervous MARAT holds him back.) MARAT: Taron - could be the start of an eruption? TARON: It's possible. MARAT: Then let's get back while we still have time. TARON: No, if it's coming, we're already too late. We've no chance of getting to the surface in time. Our only chance is to strike one of the shafts and quickly! (He crawls off. REBEC is waiting a little further along and TARON re-takes the lead. [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The Spiridons wheel the tub into the control room and leave it there, next to a window overlooking a small laboratory. A DALEK glides into the control room and joins another as JO pokes her head out of the vegetation. A DALEK turns and JO quickly ducks down. The DALEK that has just arrived speaks.) FIRST DALEK: Attention! The prisoners are to be taken for interrogation immediately. SECOND DALEK: I obey. [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. DALEK CITY. CELL (CODAL has his ear pressed to the cell door. He can hear a dying whine of machinery beyond it.) CODAL: I can hear the lift. (He listens further.) CODAL: There's one coming! DOCTOR: Come and sit here. (CODAL comes and sits next to the DOCTOR on one of the stools.) DOCTOR: Now remember what I told you - get in close so that it can't use its blaster, right? CODAL: Right. [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. DALEK CITY. CORRIDOR (Outside, a DALEK closes the lift door and turns to the cell door sensor. It presses it and enters the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. DALEK CITY. CELL DALEK: Prisoners will stand. (CODAL gets to his feet but the DOCTOR pushes him back down. The DALEK moves closer.) DALEK: (Angrily.) Prisoners will stand! (The DOCTOR stares at the DALEK for a moment, then...) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Now! CODAL: Wha... (The two men jump up and start to wrestle with the DALEK, keeping well out of the way of its gun.) DALEK: (Shouts.) Surrender or you will be exterminated! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Hold on! Hold it! (As CODAL tries to keep the base of the DALEK still, the DOCTOR slams the recorder onto the top of its dome and tries to hold onto the back of the creature.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Hold on! (The DALEK starts to spin round to try and dislodge the two men.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Mind yourself! Hold on to it! (The DALEK starts to give out cries as the recorder begins to have an effect.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Hold on to it! CODAL: (Shouts.) I can't! (CODAL is flung off...) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Hold it! (...and then so is the DOCTOR. The DALEK'S cries get louder and more anguished until it suddenly slams into a wall and is still. The two men get off the floor and gingerly approach it. The DOCTOR touches the casing. There is no movement.) CODAL: That little machine of yours has quite an effect. DOCTOR: Had quite an effect. (He picks the dislodged and broken recorder off the floor.) DOCTOR: Not any more, I'm afraid. You know, for a man who abhors violence, I took great satisfaction in doing that. Right, let's get on. We may be out of the cell but we're a long way from being free. (He leads CODAL to the open door and looks out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. DALEK CITY. CORRIDOR (The corridor appears to be empty. They move to a junction and look round. The DOCTOR spots a coat-stand type object with CODAL'S confiscated belt-pack hanging off it.) DOCTOR: Get your gun. (CODAL retrieves his belt and puts it back on. The two set off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (JO peeks out of her tub again. There are to DALEKS in the control room, both with their back to her. She jumps out of the tub and hides round a corner, just before a third DALEK glides in. A quiet alarm suddenly pulses and the hands of a clock-like dial on the wall suddenly start to turn.) FIRST DALEK: Sensors detect ice eruption is imminent. (It turns and looks at the dial.) SECOND DALEK: Prepare to close all cooling ducts. Activate when scale registers "red alert". FIRST DALEK: I obey. [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. ICE TUNNEL (The three Thals move as fast as they can on their hands and knees along the rumbling tunnel. After MARAT has gone past, liquid ice starts to pour down from a crack in the tunnel roof. The three reach a junction and look round the corner. They see shards of ice being pushed towards them by a rush of liquid ice.) TARON: Back! (REBEC and MARAT reverse slightly enabling TARON to crawl into a side tunnel. The other two follow. The ice continues to flow.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. DALEK CITY. CORRIDOR (The DOCTOR and CODAL also reach a junction in the corridors of the city. Hearing something, the DOCTOR stops CODAL proceeding. Round a corner, a DALEK glides along and also stops. Its eye-stalk swings round suspiciously. The DOCTOR indicates with sign language that they should proceed. They do so and turn the corner at the same time as the DALEK glides forward.) DOCTOR: Back! Back! (The two men rush back the way they came.) DALEK: Alert! Alert! Alert! (The DALEK fires ineffectually.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM FIRST DALEK: Level seven reports prisoners at liberty! SECOND DALEK: Instigate condition of maximum alert! Normal operations will cease! FIRST DALEK: I obey. (The FIRST DALEK glides off as the other presses a button on the bank of controls.) SECOND DALEK: All Daleks units will report to lower level. Maximum search to commence immediately. Locate and destroy prisoners. (It too turns and glides off to join the search.) SECOND DALEK: Locate and destroy! Locate and destroy! Locate and destroy! (Just one DALEK is left in the control room, its eye-stalk held with rapt attention of the wall dial. JO steps out of hiding and ducks back behind the vegetation tub.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. DALEK CITY. CORRIDOR (A lift whines to a halt and the doors open. The DOCTOR and CODAL creep out. They move along, checking all the time that the corridor is clear. Turning a corner, they find it isn't as a DALEK sentinel stands at the end.) DOCTOR: Back to the lift! DALEK: Halt! Halt! DOCTOR: Back to the lift! (The DOCTOR and CODAL rush back into the lift and close the doors. Outside the DALEK fires and the lift doors blister under the heat.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. DALEK CITY. LIFT (The DOCTOR presses the lift sensors but nothing happens.) DOCTOR: Well, it's not going up. They must be operating it by remote control. Well, there's only one thing for it - we'll have to go down. (He presses the button to do this and the lift shoots downwards. It halts and the DOCTOR opens the doors and CODAL tensely waits with his gun in his hand. CODAL looks through the opening gap and sees a DALEK outside.) CODAL: Shut the doors! (He dives to one side out of harm's way as the DOCTOR starts to close the doors.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. DALEK CITY. CORRIDOR (The DALEK fires at the narrowing gap between the doors.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. DALEK CITY. LIFT (The doors have closed. A vertical scorch mark is burnt onto the back wall of the lift where the DALEK firepower made it through the closing gap. The lift starts to go downwards again.) DOCTOR: Whew! That was close. CODAL: If they keep driving us down to the lower levels, we'll never get out. DOCTOR: Presumably, that's their intention. Still, we haven't much alternative, have we? Let's try another level. (He presses a button to open the door. CODAL holds him back and holds up his gun.) CODAL: Let me go first, Doctor. At least I've got this. DOCTOR: Thank you very much. [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. DALEK CITY. CORRIDOR (The two men come out of the lift and start to edge along the corridor. They reach a point where there is a grille in the wall which the DOCTOR stops to inspect.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. ICE TUNNEL (Liquid ice is now dripping liberally into the tunnel as the three Thals shuffle desperately along. TARON pushes REBEC ahead as MARAT looks back and sees a wall of liquid ice coming up behind them. REBEC looks round a corner and sees a metal, manufactured shaft.) REBEC: Look - the shaft! (TARON shoots up it, followed by REBEC. MARAT is now crawling through the ice which forms a lake on the floor of the tunnel as more pours towards them from another direction. TARON crawls up to a grille at the top of the shaft.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. DALEK CITY. CORRIDOR (It looks out onto a corridor, into which the DOCTOR and CODAL suddenly walk. TARON yells out to them from the grille.) TARON: Doctor! Codal! (The two men go up to the eye-level grille, beyond which they can hear the rumbling of the ice.) DOCTOR: I know it's not the moment to ask how you got in there, but I'd be fascinated to know how. TARON: Help me free this grille! Hurry! The ice is moving up - behind us! DOCTOR: (To CODAL.) Push it up! (The DOCTOR and CODAL on one side, and the other Thals on the other, try to push the grille up and off the wall.) DOCTOR: (To CODAL.) Use your knife! (CODAL takes his knife out of his belt and gets it under the edge of the grille.) DOCTOR: Right now, lever it down, lever it down - right, now push! (The grille starts to come off the wall.) DOCTOR: That's it! (They lower the grille.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The dial on the wall has now entered the maximum zone. The DALEK turns from this and to the console, enabling JO to sneak behind it and round to another corner of the control room.) DALEK: Eruption nearing danger peak. All cooling ducts now being closed down. All cooling ducts now being closed down. [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. ICE TUNNEL (MARAT desperately holds onto TARON'S hand in the tunnel. His lower half is submerged in the ice.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. DALEK CITY. CORRIDOR (Two doors on either side of the now open shaft start to close together.) DOCTOR: Doors are closing! TARON: Hold them! Hold them! (The DOCTOR and CODAL on the outside, and TARON and REBEC within, grab hold of the doors and desperately try to stop them from closing.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. ICE TUNNEL (MARAT is starting to succumb to the cold.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. DALEK CITY. CORRIDOR CODAL: (Shouts.) I can't hold it! DOCTOR: (Shouts.) You must! Pull! (They all struggle to keep the gap open.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. ICE TUNNEL (MARAT tries to slither through the ice and up the shaft watched by REBEC.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. DALEK CITY. CORRIDOR (The machinery to close the doors dies down and the entrance is re-opened.) DOCTOR: Come on. (REBEC is the first to clamber out.) DOCTOR: Put your leg here. (They help her down.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. ICE TUNNEL (With room created at the top of the shaft, MARAT is able to move out of the ice.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. DALEK CITY. CORRIDOR (TARON gets out of the shaft and they pull a frozen MARAT out.) CODAL: (Shouts.) Look! (He points at the shadow of a DALEK on the wall as it nears the corridor junction.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Out of here! Quick - out! (TARON and CODAL help MARAT along.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Come on, get him out of here! (They move off as the DALEKS turn round the corner. They aim to fire but are stopped as a cascade of liquid ice pours out of the open shaft and douses them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (JO watches as the sole DALEK in the control room glides off. She steps out of hiding and up to the control bank. She selects a button and presses it, thereby switching on the intercom.) FIRST DALEK: (OOV: Over intercom.) ...and prisoners have been driven to level zero. All units will proceed to this level immediately. SECOND DALEK: (OOV: Over intercom.) All ascent areas sealed off. Prisoners now confined to level zero. [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. DALEK CITY. LEVEL ZERO CORRIDOR (The DOCTOR looks round a corner and sees that all is clear.) DOCTOR: Come on. (REBEC and TARON follow him. CODAL helps MARAT.) MARAT: You go on, I'll be alright. (At the end of the corridor, the DOCTOR urges the group through a doorway and into a room beyond. The door is coming down from the ceiling.) DOCTOR: Hurry, up. The door's going to close. Come on through. (They all dive under the door but MARAT, gun in hand, hangs back.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Come on, Marat! Marat, come on! Marat! MARAT: (Shouts.) No, you get inside! (The DOCTOR ducks under the gap.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Come on, Marat! MARAT: (Shouts.) Get in! (He looks behind him, gun ready.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Marat! (The door closes on the DOCTOR. MARAT fires at the DALEKS as they glide round the corner. His shots have no effect but they easily blast him. He tries to fire as he dies and falls to the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. DALEK CITY. COOLING CHAMBER (REBEC shouts at the closed door as the DOCTOR adjusts his sonic screwdriver.) REBEC: (Shouts.) Marat! Marat! TARON: There's nothing we can do - nothing. (The DOCTOR goes to a small junction box next to the door.) DOCTOR: Right now, cover your eyes! (He switches his screwdriver on and the junction box explodes...) [SCENE_BREAK] 37: INT. DALEK CITY. LEVEL ZERO CORRIDOR (...just as the DALEK on the other side of the door presses the opening sensor. The door does not move. It turns to its two companions, one of which has the Thal map on the end of its sucker arm.) FIRST DALEK: This was hidden on the prisoner's body. SECOND DALEK: This shows where the Thals have concealed their explosives. Take a patrol immediately. Locate explosives and destroy. FIRST DALEK: I obey. (It glides off.) SECOND DALEK: Report. THIRD DALEK: Door mechanism fails to respond. SECOND DALEK: Bring cutting equipment. [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. DALEK CITY. COOLING CHAMBER (CODAL looks at the destroyed junction box.) CODAL: Well, they won't open that in a hurry. DOCTOR: Never underestimate the Daleks, Codal. They won't let a little matter of a metal door delay them for long. REBEC: Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes? (He joins her in the middle of the room. Above them is the opening of a massive chimney-like shaft that leads straight upwards. Around the edge of the room are large banks of machinery.) REBEC: Looks as if all Marat's courage was for nothing. There's no other door. DOCTOR: No. So I don't know whether I've locked the Daleks out or ourselves in. TARON: Have a look at this. (The DOCTOR joins TARON at one of the pieces of machinery. Part of it seems to have slats of ice around the edge.) TARON: What do you make of it? (The DOCTOR touches the machine and snatches his hand back.) DOCTOR: Well if it wasn't for the fact that it doesn't make sense, I'd say it was a gigantic refrigeration unit. TARON: Yes, it's big enough to freeze an ocean. DOCTOR: Yes. REBEC: But why? All their cooling needs are taken care of by the ice tunnels. (They hear a thumping sound on the other side of the door. The DOCTOR looks up the chimney shaft which rises to the ground hundreds of feet above them.) DOCTOR: What's this? TARON: Well it's a ventilator shaft - carries out the hot gases from the unit. DOCTOR: Right, that's it then. TARON: What do you mean? Nobody could climb that! DOCTOR: You're probably right. Nevertheless it does lead up to the surface, doesn't it? CODAL: Shh! (CODAL is near the door.) CODAL: Something's happening outside. [SCENE_BREAK] 39: INT. DALEK CITY. LEVEL ZERO CORRIDOR (Outside, a DALEK approaches the door. In place of its sucker arm, it has a heating blade. It presses this against the door and starts to melt a hole in the metal.) [SCENE_BREAK] 40: INT. DALEK CITY. COOLING CHAMBER TARON: They're cutting through. Doctor? (The DOCTOR is busy with a large piece of plastic tarpaulin which covers one of the machinery banks.) TARON: Doctor, they're cutting through the door. DOCTOR: Well, it's pretty obvious they'd do something of the sort. TARON: Well, what are we going to do? DOCTOR: Nothing. When faced with the inevitable, don't waste precious time by resisting it. Now, what would you say the tensile strength of this material is? (TARON looks down at the plastic in puzzlement.) [SCENE_BREAK] 41: INT. DALEK CITY. LEVEL ZERO CORRIDOR (The heating blade moves down the door, cutting as it goes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 42: INT. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (Hearing a noise, JO ducks behind the control bank as two DALEKS enter from different directions. One of them is the one from level zero holding the Thal map.) FIRST DALEK: We located the position where the Thals have hidden their explosives. We are to proceed to the area and destroy them. (They turn and glide off, watched by JO. She rises up out of concealment and follows them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 43: INT. DALEK CITY. LEVEL ZERO CORRIDOR (The blade moves further downwards.) [SCENE_BREAK] 44: INT. DALEK CITY. COOLING CHAMBER (The DOCTOR has got the Thals working on the plastic sheet by cutting up rope and tying it to the four corners.) TARON: I wish you'd tell us what the point is of all this, Doctor. CODAL: Well, we're certainly not going to float out of here. DOCTOR: Huh! That's precisely what we are going to do. Come with me, Taron. I want to show you something. (The DOCTOR leads him under the shaft and starts to search his pockets.) TARON: Hurry up, Doctor, it's pretty hot in here. DOCTOR: Yes, exactly - but if we can turn the refrigeration unit up to maximum, the updraft will be hotter and even more powerful. Have a look at this. (He holds up a piece of paper and lets go of it. It starts to float upwards on the current of warm air.) TARON: So? Hot air rises. DOCTOR: Exactly - and if we can trap enough of it, we might be able to rise with it. TARON: (Smiles.) Fantastic! Will it work? DOCTOR: I've no idea. we haven't got much choice. TARON: Let's get on with it. [SCENE_BREAK] 45: INT. DALEK CITY. LEVEL ZERO CORRIDOR (The blade cuts the top of what is starting to be an archway in the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 46: EXT. DALEK CITY ENTRANCE (Three DALEKS glide out of the city entrance, one of them holding the map. JO follows at a distance.) [SCENE_BREAK] 47: INT. DALEK CITY. COOLING CHAMBER (The Thals spread the plastic under the chimney...) CODAL: Pull ... REBEC: Like this? (They then hold the plastic up to trap the heat as the DOCTOR turns up the dials on the machinery. He looks over to the door where very little of the archway now remains to be cut.) [SCENE_BREAK] 48: INT. DALEK CITY. LEVEL ZERO CORRIDOR (The remorseless blade continues its progress.) [SCENE_BREAK] 49: INT. DALEK CITY. COOLING CHAMBER (The plastic now fills the base of the shaft like a huge open parachute. The four ropes hang down, held onto by the Thals.) REBEC: (Shouts.) It's beginning to fill - it's rising! Hurry up, Doctor! CODAL: (Shouts.) Come on, Doctor! REBEC: (Shouts.) Come on! CODAL: (Shouts.) Get your rope! (But the DOCTOR'S attention has been caught by a small closed inspection hatch in the wall. He opens it...) REBEC: Doct... [SCENE_BREAK] 50: INT. DALEK CITY. ARSENAL CAVERN (...and looks through in amazement.) [SCENE_BREAK] 51: INT. DALEK CITY. LEVEL ZERO CORRIDOR (The cutting of the arch is finished.) DALEK: Attack force prepare - fire power maximum. The prisoners are to be exterminated. [SCENE_BREAK] 52: INT. DALEK CITY. ARSENAL CAVERN (The sight through the inspection hatch is of a huge rock cavern. It is filled with rows and rows of frozen still DALEKS. The DOCTOR looks at the awesome sight.) TARON: (Shouts.) Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] 53: INT. DALEK CITY. COOLING CHAMBER (The three Thals are suspended a few inches off the floor, their feet in a loop at the bottom of their ropes.) CODAL: (Shouts.) Come on, Doctor, come on! It's going up! TARON: (Shouts.) Come on, Doctor, we're nearly there! (The DOCTOR takes his rope from CODAL and steps into the loop. His extra weight pulls them all down to the floor level.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Oh no! TARON: Oh! CODAL: (Shouts.) There's not enough lift to take all our weight! [SCENE_BREAK] 54: INT. DALEK CITY. LEVEL ZERO CORRIDOR (The DALEKS batter at the door to force the arch down.) [SCENE_BREAK] 55: INT. DALEK CITY. COOLING CHAMBER (The four trapped people gaze desperately upwards.) TARON: Rise, will you? Rise! DOCTOR: Give it time, Taron, give it time! REBEC: (Shouts.) It's not going to work! Doctor, it's not going to work!

The Doctor and Codal escape from their cell and meet up with the Thal commandos who are trying to get into the Dalek base.

fd_Charmed_07x17

fd_Charmed_07x17_0

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Leo walk in. Leo has his hand covering Piper's eyes.] Leo: Ready? Surprise! (He takes away his hand and Piper looks around the room. It is all neat and tidy.) Piper: Wow. Leo: Isn't it great? Piper: It's... it's something. Leo: You hate it. Piper: No, no. I don't hate anything. It's just... The dining room and then the living room and, you know, when you rearranged the kitchen... I did kinda hate that. Leo: Piper, you're always complaining about what a mess it is. Piper: Yeah, I know, but it's an attic, and it's supposed to be messy. Sweetie, it's not that I don't appreciate you helping around the house, because I do. It's just... it's just a little much. Leo: Well, you know, I just shuffled some things around. Piper: Shuffled? You call this shuffling? Honey, you built things. You hung things. You bagged things. (She picks up a small bag off the shelf.) I mean, what is this? Leo: Those are corks. You know, for the potion bottles. You leave 'em out and they get brittle. Piper: And that doesn't seem like overkill to you? (She goes to put the bag down and Leo clears his throat. She puts the bag back on the shelf.) Leo: I'm just trying to help. Piper: I know, honey, and that's very sweet. But, you know, I kinda liked the attic messy. At least I knew where everything was. (She sees a dollhouse that looks exactly like the manor.) Where did you find that? Leo: Under some blankets. Why? Piper: I just... I haven't seen it in years. Is it wet? Leo: Well, it needed some touch-ups. Piper: Have you gone crazy again? Leo: Look, this isn't easy for me. Piper: I know, sweetie. I know. You've been a Whitelighter, an Elder, an Avatar... Leo: Don't remind me. Piper: The point is, if it's magical, you've done it. So it's not gonna be easy to adjust to life without powers overnight. And tackling all these projects is... a little obsessive. Leo: Well, what am I supposed to do? I can't orb. I can't go to the Elders for information. I just want to fit in. Piper: I know. But brittle corks? Leo: Okay, I guess maybe that was a little much. Piper: Look, there is no how-to book on this, okay? But we're gonna get through it. Together. Besides, this is what we wanted. Normal. Leo: I guess I didn't expect normal to be so hard. Piper: Well, you can't force it. And you don't need to. We've got plenty of time. (They hug. A demon appears in the attic.) Leo: Demon! (The demon throws a boomerang-like object at them. Leo pushes Piper out of the way. The boomerang cuts Leo's arm.) Piper: Oh, no, you don't. (Piper tries to blow him up but he disappears before she can.) Leo: Still think we've got plenty of time? [Cut to the underworld. Cave. Zankou is standing in the dark. The demon appears.] Zankou: Did you wound him? Craven: Just as you've instructed. Zankou: Good. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Attic. Leo is flipping through the Book of Shadows. He is holding the boomerang. Piper walks in.] Piper: What are you doing? Leo: Trying to ID the demon. Piper: That's not what I mean. Why aren't you sitting down? You got hit. Leo: Yeah, but it's just a scratch. I think this crescent might be tribal. Piper: You're not listening to me. You're not vanquishing anybody. Leo: Why not? Piper: Well, for one thing, you can't self-heal anymore. Hunting demons is too dangerous. Leo: Okay, well, you can't self-heal either and it doesn't stop you. Piper: Yeah, but I can blow things up. Leo: Yeah, I noticed. Piper: Leo... Leo: Look, I don't know why you're making a big deal out of it. Piper: A demon tried to kill you. Leo: Okay, but demons try to kill us almost every week. What do you want me to do, hide in Magic School? Piper: It's a thought. Leo: I was kidding. Piper: Well, I'm not. Look, it's great that you gave up your powers to be with us and everything, but things are gonna have to change. You've only got one life to live and I'd like you to start taking care of it. Leo: Okay. Well, I didn't become a mortal to go run and hide. I'm staying put. Piper: Leo, please... Leo: I've made up my mind. (Piper presses a cloth against his wound.) Ow. Piper: Well, I have to clean it, don't I? (Wyatt is standing at the doorway.) Leo: Hey, little guy. (Leo goes over to him.) Hey, hey. Look, see? It's just a scratch, okay? It's nothing. (Leo hugs him.) [Scene: Magic School. Paige's Office. Paige is spinning around on her desk chair.] Paige: Oh, come on, come on. Advanced magical orbing. Tuesdays or Thursdays? (Piper walks in holding the boomerang.) Piper: Busy? Paige: Exactly what I need. Would you please throw that at the calendar? Piper: What? No! Look, a demon... Paige: You don't understand. I've been doing schedules all week and I'm going insane. That's exactly what I need to make decisions. Would you please throw it? Throw it? Piper: Fine. (Piper throws the boomerang and it lands on a calendar behind Paige. Paige looks at the calendar.) Paige: Fridays! Brilliant. Piper: I'm glad to see the future of magic is in such capable hands. Paige: Just trying to keep things lively. What's up? Piper: A demon attacked Leo. Paige: What? Is he okay? Piper: He's fine. But I need you to scry with that thing and then vanquish the demon. I'd do it myself, but I have to get home and protect Leo. Paige: Why didn't you just bring him here? Piper: He's being stubborn. So I had to set some crystals to keep him safe. Paige: He let you do this? Piper: He doesn't know. Paige: I think there's something you're not telling me, missy. Piper: Leo and I are just having a little trouble adjusting to him being human again. Paige: That would be a big adjustment. We are also gonna have to adjust to the fact that he can't heal us anymore. Piper: Or himself. And I don't wanna keep forcing Wyatt to tap into his powers before he's ready. Paige: Why not? He healed you before. Piper: Yeah, with some help. But we can't keep traumatising him like that. We've got to find another way. So, you can handle all this? Paige: Absolutely. Piper: You might wanna call Phoebe. That thing is probably from some sort of tribe. Paige: Got it. All over it. Piper: Thanks for the help. [Scene: Underworld. Cave. Zankou and a tribe of demons are there.] Craven: I have assembled my fiercest warriors. Zankou: They better be as capable as you claim. The Charmed Ones will be here soon. Craven: The Charmed Ones... are coming here? Zankou: As soon as they scry with your crescent. Why do you think I told you to leave it behind? (Craven chuckles.) Craven: So you're luring them into a trap... to destroy them. Zankou: You think you can destroy them with one small tribe? No wonder demons always perish at the hands of those witches. Craven: Well, then what exactly is your plan? Zankou: Your troops and I are gonna keep them busy while you return to the manor to locate the spiritual Nexus and with it... the Shadow. Craven: No demon has been able to harness the power of the Shadow before. Zankou: Don't get ahead of yourself, Craven. You're only gonna find the Nexus. You won't have time for anything else. Craven: And you're sure no one will be home? Zankou: That's why you wounded their former Whitelighter. If I know these witches, and I do, they're gonna strike back with the full power of three. But they won't do that unless Leo is somewhere safe. So, yes, the manor will be empty. Craven: Well, you see, I only ask because it seems that those that help you don't always... survive. Zankou: But you attacked at their home and lived. Few can boast that. Take your positions. We're about to have company. [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's Office. Phoebe is sitting at her desk working.] Phoebe: Split infinitive, I don't think so. (Paige orbs in.) You know, you should really call before you do that. Paige: A demon attacked Leo and Piper wants us to take him out. Phoebe: Think you have enough potion? Paige: Better safe than sorry. Come on, we should go. Phoebe: Why do you seem excited about this? Paige: Well, because we need to protect our brother-in-law, and because we should make a statement. Because I'm really cooped up in Magic School. Phoebe: All right, let me just go tell Elise. (Phoebe walks out of her office.) Hey, boss, column's done. I'll see you tomorrow. Elise: Oh, no, you don't. This time I've got a family emergency, which means I need you to get the evening edition out. Phoebe: Wait, wait, wait, wait. What about Dillard? Isn't he your number two guy? Elise: Richard's out sick. Phoebe: Okay, but I'm just an advice columnist. Surely you're skipping some rungs on the ladder here. Elise: Don't sell yourself short, Phoebe. I have faith in you. Besides, you owe me. Think of the times I've covered for your family emergencies. Phoebe: Yeah, but that's different. Elise: How so? Phoebe: Because they were my emergencies. Elise: So your life is more important than mine? Phoebe: No, that's not what I meant. Elise: Good. I'm sure you'll do a fantastic job. (Elise leaves. A man walks up to Phoebe.) Tom: Phoebe. Just who I was looking for. Phoebe: Who are you? Tom: Tom Taylor, copy editor. I gotta cut Bauer's column to 1500 words and he's threatened to kill me. Phoebe: Gimme a sec. (Another man walks up to her.) Man: Excuse me, Phoebe. Elise said I should talk to you. Phoebe: Really? Man: Yeah, it seems we've oversold ad space. Phoebe: Well, okay. Elise... Woman: Excuse me. Phoebe: Hi. (Everyone gathers around Phoebe. Paige gives her a look.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Leo and Wyatt are playing with the dollhouse. Chris is in his playpen nearby.] Leo: That's the attic. Good. That's where we are right now. What's this right here? That's mummy and daddy's room, right. Yeah. (Piper walks in.) Piper: Hey. Leo: Hey. Piper: Everything all right? Leo: Yeah. Yeah, why wouldn't it be? Piper: Well, you know, seeing as how a demon tried to K I L L you. Leo: Right. Well, I'm fine. Piper: Why are you so defensive? Leo: I don't know. I guess maybe I feel like I have something to prove. Piper: Leo, I was just trying to protect you. Leo: I know, but you don't need to. Piper: Yeah, obviously I do. (Piper walks away.) Leo: Piper, wait. Okay, me and mummy have to have a grown-up conversation, okay? I'll be right back. [Scene: Underworld. Cave. Paige and Phoebe orb in.] Phoebe: Okay, we have ten minutes. What? I told 'em I'd be right back. Paige: Well, it's gonna take what it's gonna take. Phoebe: Yeah, I know, but I have a deadline. Do you know how much work goes into one edition? I can't believe Elise just dropped... Paige: Focus! Phoebe: Okay. So now what do we do? Paige: I don't know. (Zankou flames in.) Zankou: Greetings. Phoebe: Zankou. What are you doing here? Paige, what is he doing here? Paige: How am I supposed to know? Zankou: Where's your other sister, Piper? Paige: Why do you want to know? Zankou: I have my reasons. Phoebe: Okay, look, you know, we'd love to stay and chat, but we have business that we need to attend to. Zankou: I know. (He clicks his fingers and the tribe of demons appear behind him.) Paige: It's gonna take longer than ten minutes. (Paige throws the potion.) [Scene: Manor. Bottom of the stairs. Piper is adding water to a vase of flowers. Leo comes down the stairs.] Leo: Why are you so mad at me? Piper: Because you're gonna get yourself killed, that's why. Leo: Okay, well, I can... I can handle myself. Piper: Really? The way you handled yourself this morning? Leo: You know, I could have handled that. Piper: How? Leo: I would have thought of something. Piper: I'm so glad you would've thought of something. Now I don't have to worry. Leo: Okay, it was good that you were there. But that doesn't give you the right to hide crystals behind my back. Piper: I was just trying to protect you. Leo: I'm supposed to protect you. Piper: Is that what all this is about? Leo: It's part of it. It's my instinct to protect you, Piper. The reason I don't hide from demons is because I've never had to. Piper: I realise that. Leo: Okay. Well, Wyatt doesn't. And now he's seen me get hurt, and I don't want that to hurt him. Piper: Okay, look, we are going to get through this. Leo: I know we are. But you, yourself, said it was gonna take time. Which means, I'm gonna make mistakes. Okay, and when I do, I need you to be supportive. You know, not drown the plants. Piper: Well, I guess we all have our own ways of dealing with things. Leo: Guess so. (Three demons from the tribe appear. They're surprised to see Piper and Leo.) Demon: What are you doing here? (Piper blows up two of them. Craven runs away.) Leo: Dining room. Piper: I see where he went. Stay here. (Piper walks through the house. So does Leo.) Leo: Wyatt. (Leo sees Wyatt on the stairs.) Wyatt, get upstairs. (Craven throws the boomerang at Leo and it hits him in the shoulder.) Piper: Leo! (Piper finds Craven and tries to blow him up. He disappears. Piper goes over to Leo.) Leo? Are you okay? Leo: Yeah. No. Don't let Wyatt see me. Piper: Honey, why don't you go upstairs? Leo: Mummy and daddy are fine. Piper: Sweetie, what's the matter? What is he doing? (Suddenly Piper and Leo disappear. Wyatt orbs out.) [Cut to the attic. Wyatt orbs in. A miniature Piper and Leo appear in the dollhouse.] Leo: What just happened? Piper: Uh-oh. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Underworld. Cave. Phoebe and Paige hide behind a wall.] Phoebe: Why is he doing this? I have a paper to put out. Paige: I'm sure that factored into his decision making process. Phoebe: I don't understand. How'd we go from a demon attacking Leo to Zankou attacking us? Paige: Maybe because Leo's mortal, his making his move. Zankou: Don't be shy, ladies. You knew this day would come. Paige: (to Phoebe) Take one of these. (She hands Phoebe a potion.) Phoebe: We have to get back to Piper, and I have to get back to work. Paige: I wanna let him know we're in the game. (Craven appears beside Zankou.) Craven: One sister is still at the manor. Zankou: I know. I have the other two pinned down. (Phoebe's phone starts ringing.) Paige: Will you turn that thing off? Phoebe: Sorry, but you gotta admire the range. We're in the underworld. That's good. Zankou: You're making this too easy. (Zankou follows the noise of the phone. He turns the corner where they were hiding and finds the phone on the ground. He crushes it with his foot.) Phoebe: Looking for us? (The demons turn around and Phoebe and Paige throw the potions at Zankou. He deflects them and they hit the demons, vanquishing them.) Zankou: You missed. Paige: Okay, that's our cue. (Paige orbs out with Phoebe.) Craven: So much for your plan. Zankou: Gather the remaining tribe. This may still work. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Wyatt is sitting beside the dollhouse, playing. Piper and Leo are looking out the window of the dollhouse.] Piper: Wyatt. You need to make mummy and daddy big again. Leo: Maybe he can't hear us. (Piper touches the window and it zaps her.) Piper: Ow! Leo: What happened? Piper: I don't know. I think Wyatt put some kind of force field on the dollhouse. Wyatt! Let us out of here. Leo: We know you were trying to help, but daddy needs to get to the hospital. Piper: You're gonna scare him. That's probably why he put us in here in the first place, to protect us. Leo: Great. We're supposed to be protecting him. (Piper sighs.) Piper: Okay. Let me handle Wyatt. This requires a mother's touch. Wyatt Matthew Halliwell! You will stop this nonsense right now! Leo: Wow. First time you used his full name. Piper: It sounds better when I'm scolding him. Leo: I don't think he understands what's going on. All he knows is a demon tried to kill dad. Again. Piper: I don't understand why anyone would attack you. It's not like you're a threat to anyone anymore. Leo: I don't understand how a demon thinks the house would be empty. (Leo lays down on the couch.) Piper: We're not gonna figure out anything from inside here. Leo: At least the furniture is comfortable. You know, for toy furniture. Where'd you get this dollhouse anyway? Piper: Grams made it. Leo: She made it? Piper: I didn't know she was a witch back then. So, obviously, she used some sort of magic. It's pretty perfect. (She turns on the light switch but nothing happens.) Almost perfect. (They hear footsteps.) Leo: What's that? [Cut to the attic. Paige walks in.] Paige: Wyatt and Chris, what are you doing up here? Piper: (from dollhouse) Paige! Paige, down here! Paige: Where's your mummy and daddy? I saw what happened downstairs. Okay. (Piper tries to blow up the window but she is knocked backwards and lands on a coffee table. She groans.) All right, babies, we're gonna go to magic school till we can figure out what happened. (Paige orbs out with Wyatt and Chris.) [Cut to inside the dollhouse. Piper sighs.] Piper: I see he's just as stubborn as someone else I know. [Scene: Underworld. Cave. Zankou is standing there with his eyes closed. The tribe of demons walk up to him.] Craven: Well? Zankou: The house is clear. (Craven touches his wound.) Craven: That's what you said last time. Zankou: A slight miscalculation. But the plan was to get 'em out of the manor, and they are. Probably circling their broomsticks in magic school. Craven: So I'm going back for the Nexus? Zankou: Except this time I'm coming with you. Follow me. (Zankou flames out.) [Cut to the manor. Parlor. Zankou flames in. The tribe of demons appear.] Zankou: The Charmed Ones' ancestral home. Craven: How do we know this isn't a trap? Zankou: We don't. That's why I asked for reinforcement. Give the command. Craven: Spread out. Find the Nexus. [Cut to the attic. Dollhouse.] Piper: How are we gonna get out of here? Leo: We can't. It's useless. Piper: That's all you've got for me? We're just supposed to sit here and do nothing while you bleed to death on the couch? Leo: What do you want me to say? I can't self-heal anymore. Without a doctor... Piper: You used to be a doctor. Leo: Yeah, like sixty years ago. Piper: Well, start acting like one! Come on, Leo, you have to stop focusing on what you can't do, and think about what you can do. Come on, improvise! Leo: All right. Grams used to like to sew, right? Piper: Yeah. Leo: Where? Piper: Wyatt's bedroom used to be her sewing room. Why? [Time lapse. Wyatt's room. Inside the room is clothes and an old sewing machine. Piper and Leo walk in.] Piper: Okay... Now what? Leo: Needle and thread. Piper: Excuse me? Leo: Don't worry, I'll walk you through it. Piper: Walk me through what? Oh, no. No, no, no. Leo: You're the one who said improvise. Piper: Well, since when does anybody listen to me? Leo: You can do this, Piper. Let's prove to Wyatt we can handle whatever's thrown at us. (Leo takes off his shirt.) All right, pull the skin together and stitch it through. Piper: Sure. Easy for you to say. Leo: I'm ready. Do it. Piper: Are you sure? Leo: Hurry. (Piper starts to stitch up his wound. He groans.) [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe is on the phone.] Phoebe: Where have you been? I've been trying to reach you all day! Elise's Voice: Funny, I've been trying to avoid you all day. Phoebe: That's a good one. Listen, I need to get out of here because there's a crisis at home. Elise: It's always life and death with you Halliwells. Man's Voice: Can I freshen up those drinks? Phoebe: Drinks? What drinks? Elise: Yes, thank you. Phoebe: Wait a minute. What exactly did you say your emergency was? Elise: I didn't. I'm so sorry about that, Richard. (Elise hangs up. Two men walk up to Phoebe.) Man #1: This moron's trying to take a butcher knife to my column! Phoebe: Okay, what seems to be the problem? Obviously, besides the butcher knife. Man #2: Phoebe, it's a great story. Really, it is. It's just a bit bloated. Man #1: Bloated? I'll show you bloated! (He rolls up his sleeves.) Phoebe: You know what? Please don't. Man #1: Look, lady. I've been working the beat in this town for 22 years. And no Ivy League trust funder is gonna tell me how to write the news! Phoebe: You know... (Another man walks up to them.) Man #3: Fashion editor. Sorry to interrupt, but our so-called film critic has been drinking coffee out of my teacup. Man #4: Yeah, I don't know what Jordan's all worked up about, it's a two and a half star coffee mug... at best. (Paige walks in.) Paige: Phoebe, we gotta go. Phoebe: Yeah, I know, I know. I wanna get Zankou as much as you do. Where's Piper? Paige: That's the problem. Piper and Leo have vanished. Phoebe: What do you mean? The boys? Paige: The boys are fine. We have to find their parents. Phoebe: (to the men) Let me ask you a question. Ever push the deadline for the evening edition? Man #1: No. Then it'd be the "sometime in the middle of the night" edition. Phoebe: All right, you know what? I'm gonna go into my office for a very important conference call. No interruptions! (Phoebe and Paige walk into Phoebe's office and close the door behind them. They orb out.) [Cut to the manor. Foyer. Phoebe and Paige orb in. They see the demons.] Paige: Oh, goodness. Phoebe: Hope you got a discount on all that leather. (Zankou walks in.) Zankou: That's something I admire about you ladies. Always a clever remark at the face of danger. Though... I'm insulted. Don't you think I warrant the power of three? Paige: Does he know where Piper is? Phoebe: No. How would he know about her nail appointment? Zankou: You'd think she'd be at Magic School attending to her husband. Phoebe: Yeah, well, she didn't want to pay the cancellation fee for the nail appointment. Zankou: You're lying. Somehow the power of two doesn't have the ring to it. (Zankou waves his hands and the front doors fly open. His uses his power to push Phoebe and Paige out the door. They land hard on the porch. He waves his hands again and the doors slam shut.) Phoebe: Now what? [Cut to the attic. Dollhouse. Piper is finishing up stitching Leo's wound.] Leo: Tie if off and cut it. Piper: Scissors. (Leo hands her the scissors.) Aren't you happy you became a mortal? Leo: At least now we can grow old together like every other couple. Piper: That is, if we survive this. Wyatt's so worried, he practically locked us up and threw away the key. Leo: I'll just have to prove to him that I can take care of myself and my family. Piper: Yeah, it would help if we were reinstated to our former size. (They hear footsteps from outside. Piper looks out the window and sees Zankou and Craven.) What's he doing here? Zankou: Post guards throughout the manor. So as they find their sister, they'll be back. We need to fend them off as long as possible. Craven: If we're to find the Nexus? Leo: The Nexus? Piper: Where are Phoebe and Paige? Zankou: I want more than to find the Nexus. I want to release the shadow. Harness its ultimate power. Craven: Can you do that? Zankou: Well, now that evil has taken over control of the manor, I can. And I will. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Dollhouse.] Piper: I've can't believe we've been miniature for two hours and demons take over the house. If Zankou taps into the Nexus... Leo: We're not gonna let that happen. Piper: Oh, yeah? How? We're three inches tall. Leo: We're gonna get to the book and contact Phoebe and Paige. Piper: Ah, that book? (She points out the window.) 'Cause A, we're trapped. And B, even if we weren't, those demons could squash us with one foot. Leo: Stay calm. Piper: Now you're telling me. Leo: Wyatt didn't put us in here to get hurt. He put us in here to protect us. There has to be something we're overlooking. Blasting doesn't work. Piper: Yeah, I noticed. Leo: All the doors, the windows are sealed. Listen, how did you play with the dollhouse when you were little? Piper: What do you mean? Leo: I mean, it's a toy, right? Piper: I think you've lost too much blood. Leo: No, listen to me. If it's a toy, it must open. The roof opens up or doors swing open. Piper: I don't know, that was a lot of years ago. Leo: It might be our only shot. Think. Piper: I think it swung open. Leo: Where? (They walk into a room.) Piper: Here. (Leo picks up a chair and smashes it against the wall. He uses a long piece of wood to try and pry open the wall. It doesn't budge.) Leo: Damn it. Blast it. Piper: Blasting doesn't work. Leo: Well, maybe the force field only covers the windows and the doors. So, you know, do it. (Piper winces as she blows up the wall. It comes apart enough for them to get out.) Piper: Now what? Leo: Follow me. (They run outside.) [Cut to Piper's room. Zankou is reading a diary. Craven walks in.] Craven: I believe we've located... Zankou: Do you have any idea how upset Piper was when her sister died? Craven: Sorry? Zankou: Listen to this. "Prue was always the strong one. Now that she's gone, I don't know if we'll have the strength to keep fighting for good. Or if it's even worth it." Craven: Yes, well, if only... Zankou: Humans are slaves to their own emotions. And the strongest emotion is love. That's why Piper didn't leave her husband's side to fight. That was my miscalculation. They would go through hell to stay together. (Craven clears his throat.) What is it? Craven: I believe we have found the Nexus. [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's Office. Phoebe is there working. Paige orbs in.] Phoebe: You gotta give me one sec. Any luck with Piper? Paige: No, I've scryed the entire universe and there's no sign of her. Please come back to Magic School with me now. Phoebe: Give me two minutes. Paige: Our sister is missing. Phoebe: And there are fifty jobs on the line if the paper doesn't come out. Paige: You can cancel the subscription to our house if the demons don't get out. Phoebe: Just give me one minute. (Phoebe walks out of her office and over to Man #1.) Okay. Check this out. (She hands him a sheet of paper.) Man #1: Do you think I'm gonna let Ask Phoebe rewrite me? Phoebe: Read now, bitch later! Okay? (She walks over to another man.) So you oversold the space. Let me see the ads. Shrink 'em and print 'em both. Man: We can't do that. Advertisers were promised a certain size. Phoebe: Well, then, make the font bigger. And if they complain, send them a bottle of Cristal on my tab. Actually, on Elise's tab. (to Man #1) What do you think? Man #1: It works. Phoebe: That's what I like to hear. Who's next? (The fashion editor approaches her.) Fashion Editor: First, my teacup. Now he's on my computer. Phoebe: You know what? Isn't this kind of obvious? Fashion Editor: What? Phoebe: He likes you. (They look over at the man sitting at his desk and the man winks. The fashion editor walks away.) Any other questions? No. Okay. I will be in my office, in a meeting. (Phoebe walks back into her office.) Can you believe those guys? Paige: At least they're not pre-pubescent. Phoebe: Paige, Piper, demons. (They orb out.) [Scene: Manor. Basement. Zankou, Craven and two demons are there. The demons have dug a large hole in the ground.] Craven: Are you sure this is a good idea? The Nexus... Zankou: The Nexus is neutral. Controlled by whomever controls the manor. Craven: The shadow is the ultimate power. It could destroy us all. Zankou: Well, then if I'm wrong, it's been a pleasure. (Zankou chants a spell. A dark cloud rises from the ground and devours the demons.) Good must still be present in the manor. Craven: No, no. That's not possible. You expelled the witches yourself. Zankou: Only two. That means the third one must still be here. That's probably what they came here for. Craven: So, what do we do? Zankou: We find her. [Cut to the attic. Piper and Leo have climbed up onto the Book of Shadows.] Leo: Are you okay? Piper: My arms are a little sore, but I'm not the one with a hole in my back. Leo: All right. Let's tweak the scrying spell so Phoebe and Paige know where we are. Piper: Don't you think they've scryed already? Leo: Well, if they did, it wouldn't have worked. Wyatt's shield on the dollhouse would have protected us. It must be the same reason Zankou didn't know where we are. Piper: And now that we're out? Leo: We have to hurry. All right, help me flip these pages. Piper: Wait, I got a better idea. Leo: What? Piper: Look out. (Piper blows up the edge of the book and the pages turn. The demons standing near the door look around the room.) You think they noticed? Leo: I don't know. Piper: Hope this works. Leo: It has to. [Scene: Magic School. Phoebe and Paige are making a potion.] Paige: Okay, this whole calling a lost witch stuff is much harder without the book. Phoebe: Maybe we didn't scry hard enough. Should we try again? Paige: I told you it didn't work. Phoebe: Okay! Okay, you know what? It says a pinch of rosemary, Paige. A pinch. Paige: Sorry. I wasn't paying attention. Phoebe: I'm glad to know the future of magic is in such good hands. Paige: People have been telling me that a lot lately. (The scrying crystal floats into the air.) Oh my god. Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Phoebe: Yeah, and I don't believe it. (The crystal points to a place on the map.) Paige: That's our house. Piper must be there. Phoebe: Or it's a trap. Paige: But scrying is witch-to-witch stuff. It has to be her. Phoebe: Okay, but the house it crawling with demons. How are we gonna find her? Paige: One way to find out. Phoebe: Oh, god. (Paige orbs out with Phoebe.) [Cut to the manor. Bathroom. Phoebe and Paige orb in. Phoebe opens the door slightly and peeks out. A demon walks past.] Phoebe: We gotta get past the guard. Paige: We can't use anymore magic, otherwise Zankou will sense us. Phoebe: Can't use magic? What do you call orbing? Paige: Okay, fine. Then we won't use any more magic. Phoebe: I have an idea. [Cut to the kitchen. Zankou and Craven are there.] Zankou: She's here. She's here. I know she's not alone. Speed the search. We've got company. Craven: Yes, sir. But we may have already found Piper. [Cut to the hallway. The demon walks past the bathroom and Phoebe kicks him in the head. He falls to the floor.] Paige: Okay, that was a really great plan. Phoebe: Well, I didn't use magic, did I? Where do we begin? Paige: The book. (They go up to the attic and knock another demon unconscious.) Phoebe: Piper? Where are you? (Zankou comes out from behind the door, holding a box.) Zankou: Looking for these? (He opens the lid and inside are a miniature Piper and Leo.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Continued from before. The tribe of demons have surrounded Phoebe and Paige.] Zankou: The mighty Charmed Ones. The most famous witches of all time. So many demons have tried to kill you. Piper: (from inside box) What do you see? Leo: (from inside box) Demons. Zankou: And now that the moment is here it's almost... anticlimactic. Paige: Maybe for you it is. (An energy ball appears in his hand.) Zankou: Perhaps you would like to go first. Phoebe: Hold on. You need us... to open the Nexus. Zankou: Nice try. Shall I start with you instead? Paige: No, because you need us to get the shadow. (The energy ball disappears.) Zankou: I'm listening. Piper: (from inside box) What are they doing? Demon: They're stalling. Craven: Just kill them and evil will control the Nexus this time. Paige: This time? What do you mean? You've tried before? Phoebe: I bet they lost some demons too. Yeah, we've had some experience with the Nexus. Craven: They're lying. Zankou: No. I read Piper's diary. I guess I'll need to make her big again for you to do this. Craven: Zankou. They just want you to restore the power of three. Paige: But what's that compared to the power of the shadow? Zankou: So what is in it for you? Paige: We live to fight another day. And if we do die, we go down kicking and screaming. Piper: (inside box) I'm not leaving you. Leo: (from inside box) You have to. Piper: (from inside box) If Zankou gets the shadow, then we'll never stop him. Leo: (from inside box) The shadow won't know where to go. Look, I might've lost my powers but I didn't lost what I know about magic. Trust me. Do what he wants. (Zankou reaches into the box and pulls out Piper by her hair.) Piper: Hey, put me down! Zankou: You try anything... Piper: Damn it, I said put me down! Zankou: And you will lose the love of your life. [Time lapse. Basement. Life-size Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk down the stairs. Zankou follows.] Phoebe: Any idea how we're gonna get out of this one? Piper: No, but I'm hoping Leo does. (They stand around the hole in the ground.) Zankou: Proceed. (He hands Paige a spell. The sisters say the spell and the shadow rises out of the hole.) What's happening? Piper: Leo? (The shadow enters the box and Leo becomes life-size. The shadow has entered Leo.) Zankou: What have you done? (Leo pushes Zankou against the wall with a blast of black smoke. The demons throw their boomerangs at Leo but they harmlessly rebound off him. Leo throws Zankou onto the floor and vanquishes the demons with the blast of black smoke. Zankou throws an energy ball at Leo but it does not harm him. Leo blasts Zankou up the stairs.) [Cut to the kitchen. Craven is there. Zankou lands hard on the floor. He stands up.] Zankou: So close. Craven: I told you we should have killed them. (Zankou throws an energy ball at Craven and vanquishes him.) Zankou: Never tell me "I told you so". (Leo runs up the stairs. Zankou flames out. Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk up the stairs.) Piper: Leo. Leo, you don't want this. Leo: (deep voice) Say the spell. Piper: "I am light, I am one too strong to fight..." Piper, Phoebe, Paige: "So go away and leave my sight, and take with you this endless night." (The shadow rises out of Leo. Leo collapses to the floor. The shadow goes back into the basement and back into the hole.) Piper: Honey, are you okay? (Leo groans and sits up.) Leo: Yeah. I'm all right. Paige: What happened? Leo: The shadows couldn't choose between Zankou's evil or the power of three. So it went to the only neutral territory... me. Piper: See, I told you it was a good thing you gave up your powers. (They smile at each other.) [Scene: P3. Collective Soul is performing on stage. The dance floor is crowded with people dancing. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are sitting on a couch at the back of the club.] Piper: So, all that power surging through your veins didn't make you miss the old days? Leo: No, I chose the girl. Remember? Phoebe: It would be a shame not to put all that magical knowledge to good use. (Paige sees Elise dancing.) Paige: Oh my god. Isn't that your boss, Elise? Phoebe: Oh my god, it is! Paige: So much for her family emergency. Phoebe: And she's with Richard Dillard. Paige: Who's that? Phoebe: That's the guy that should've been running the paper instead of me. Paige: Well, if she's here, maybe she wants you to know that she does have a life outside work. Phoebe: I guess. You know what? Good for her. Piper: You're not gonna call her on it? Phoebe: Well, I'm not gonna buy her a new BlackBerry, but all the times I've bailed, who can blame her? Piper: Wow. Enlightened. Phoebe: You learn a lot from walking in someone else's shoes. Paige: Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of, what Zankou has found out about us. Piper: Yeah, I don't think we've seen the last of him. Leo: Well, on that unhappy note, I gotta get back to the manor and clean up the mess after the demons. It's probably gonna take a while to sort it all out. Piper: Here we go again, huh? Leo: Yeah. (Leo leaves. Paige stands up.) Paige: As for me, as much as I'd like to find a little cutie to dance with, I should be getting back to Magic School to finish those schedules. Woo hoo. Au revoir, adults. (Paige leaves.) [Scene: Magic School. Piper and Leo walk into the great hall. Piper is covering Leo's eyes. She uncovers them.] Piper: Surprise. Leo: What, you want me to clean Magic School? (Phoebe and Paige walk in.) Phoebe: No. We want you to run it. Paige: Huh? What's going on here? Phoebe: We were thinking since you're dying to try something new... Leo: And Leo being perfect for the job. Considering your magic know-how you're practically a walking Book of Shadows. Paige: Well, I have wanted to get out and spread my wings. Piper: And with Leo, the school is still in good hands. Leo: Well, I... I don't know what to say. Paige? Paige: I'm good. (Paige orbs out.) Phoebe: Well, that was easy. Leo? Leo: I'd be honoured. Piper: Good choice. (Piper kisses him. Leo sees Wyatt standing nearby. He goes over to him.) Leo: Hi. Guess what? You don't have to worry about daddy anymore. 'Cause I'm gonna be okay. Okay? (He picks Wyatt up and hugs him.)

When Zankou attempts to ambush Piper, Phoebe, and Paige in order to obtain the power of the Nexus and use it to his own advantage, little Wyatt takes matters into his own hands by shrinking Leo and Piper and hiding them in a doll house for protection while Phoebe and Paige have to deal with the demon and his henchmen. After stopping Zankou for the moment, the sisters talk Leo into becoming the new Headmaster of Magic School, hoping that he'll get used to no longer having his powers.

fd_Queer_As_Folk_02x05

fd_Queer_As_Folk_02x05_0

[Drag King night at Woody's.Three women dressed like Elvis croon his classic tune"Follow that Dream." Mel and Linds are wearingmen's shirts and hats, and Melanie's in Lindsay's lap.] Follow that dream, I gotta follow that dream Keep a-movin, move along, keep a moving I've got to follow that dream wherever that dream maylead I've got to follow that dream to find the love I need When your heart gets restless, time to move along...# Brian: Since when did Woody's become a cunt-ry club? Mel: Since you're here? Justin: Have another round? Brian: No. That's the last for you. You've got schooltomorrow. Linds: You're first day! I'm so proud of you! Brian: One minute he's in a coma, and the next, he'sgoing to college. Linds: Well, with the word of the King, 'You gotta followthat dream!' Em: Mmmh, now there is a dream. [A beauty goes by.] Linds: I have the same dream since I was little - to fallin love, get married, and have a baby. Michael: About two out of three isn't bad. Linds: Three out of three is even better. Justin: You've get married? Michael: When did you decide? Em: Why didn't you tell us? Mel: Yes. A few weeks ago we just did. Brian: Here is a toast to the happy couple. May you cometo your senses before it's too late. Em: Oh, it's so exciting that everyone's dreams arecoming true! Hey, what's you're dream, sweety? Michael: My dream is to one day know what my dream is. Brian: Dreaming is for people who are asleep. I'd ratherbe awake. And f*cking. Michael: I'm gonna call Ted and tell him to get his assdown here. Brian: And I was having such a good time. Mel: Could you just f*ck way off them. Teddy is reallydepressed. Linds: He's been trying to get a job ever since thatincident. Brian: I wouldn't exactly call shooting a load off infront of my boss an 'incident.' Michael: He's not picking up. Em: Did you suppose he's doin' something... drastic? Imean he could lyin' in bed right now... dead. Brian: How could you tell? [Ted's Condor. Emmett knocks onthe door, but gets no answer. He lets himself in, andfinds every available space of the condo filled withwadded-up tissues. Nobody seems here. He opens thebedroom door. Ted's on the bed, watching a porno, jerkingoff, surrounded by more wadded-up tissues.] Em: Ted. What are you doin'? Ted: What the hell looks like? Em: God, look like a bathhouse here. When was the lasttime you left this place? Ted: Four days. I'm in the middle of a marathon. Em: Just like AMC: 'American Masturbation Classics.'Honey, I think you have a problem. Ted: You're right. Usually, Ricky Rod's hairlesschew-hole drives me crazy, but for some reason, it's lostits magic. Em: I know that you've been a little depressed, latelybut you have to pull yourself together. Ted: What do you think I'm trying' to do? You're notmaking it any easier. Now, if you really want to help,grab a nipple and squeeze. Em: Do I look like a human tit clamp? Ted: Look at that! Em: Uh, it's hot. [Ted, eyes wide and glassy. Intrigued, he sits down onthe side of the bed. Ted pokes him with a bottle oflotion. Emmett almost takes it without thinking, and thenjumps away.] Em: No! You are not sucking me into your black hole ofdepravity! Now you get up! You get up right now! Ted: You're right. I've been in this bed long enough. [Ted's Condor. In the livingroom.] Ted: Let's see who's on DemonDick.com, shall we? Em: This is not what I'm meant! Listen to me, Teddy!Look, I know it's tough getting fired. It's a tremendousblow. Ted: Blow? Em: Crash that. But there is a great big fabulous worldout there. Ted: Let me tell you something about that fabulous worldout there. You either jerk off or you get jerked off. [Helooks at the computer screen.] Yeah, go for it! [Brian's loft. Brian's in bed,getting a blowjob from Justin. Brian rolls over toreciprocate.] Justin: No. No! This was just for you. Brian: Since when do you turn down getting your dicksucked? Justin: Since tomorrow is my big day and I save my energyfor my art. Brian: What do you call this? Justin: I'll promised you can blow me tomorrow night. Brian: Yeah, but who say's I'm in the mood? Justin: You're always in the mood? It's kind of amazing when you think about it at you're age. [Brian goes to the bathroom, and Justin tries to work ona drawing in his sketchpad. His right hand starts shakinguncontrollably. Justin pulls it back and stretches itout, making sure that Brian didn't see. Justin triesagain, and the same thing happens. And terror is writtenall over his face. Brian walks back to bed.] Brian: You're drawing my cock again? Justin: I just doodling. [Brian goes down on his dick.] Justin: What are you doin'? Brian: I just doodling. Justin: I told you I have school. [Breakfast at the Liberty Diner.Brian and Mike sit in a booth together.] Mike: Think I'm look good with a new haircut? Look Iwould? Brian: What have you in mind? Mike: I don't know. Maybe buzzing it or bleaching it. Brian: That it would be cool...for two years ago. So,what's wrong? Mike: No-one's wrong. Why you think somethin' is wrong? Brian: Because everytime you wanna change you're hair. Mike: That is so not true! [Deb comes up with the coffee.] Brian: [to Deb] Mike's thinking about changing his hair. Deb: Oh God. Baby, what's wrong? Tell me. Mike: Allright, allright! It just feels like everybody'slife is speeding along. Lindsay and Melanie are gettingmarried. Justin's going to art school, and he waspractically dead a couple of months ago, for f*ck's sake!And I'm still stuck at the starting gate! Deb: Since when is there a race? Mike: Since I feel I'm coming in last! Deb: Well, then do somethin' about it! After all, you'recute. You're young. You're hung. Mike: Like what? Brian: Quit the f*cking Q! Mike: Don't you think I'd like to? But I have obligationsto others. Deb: What is one of the others beside yourself? I wouldsay you're first obligation is to yourself. So, whatwould make you happy? [Long silence follows.] Brian: Should we hum the theme to Jeopardy? Mike: f*ck you! What would make me happy is to get towork on time and not get sh1t from my boss! [A tired Emmett goes to the table.] Em: Thanks God you're here. Mike: Where have you been? You didn't come home lastnight? Deb: Somebody get lucky. Em: Good for him. I spent the night at Ted's. This guy isin deep sh1t trouble. We need to have an invention. Deb: Who's? Brian: Crystal. Em: Whipping the Willie. Brian: Schmuck. He couldn't even get a decent addiction. [Ted's. Ted's watching a pornofrom the couch. He looks up as the camera pans over tothe other side of the living room, where Brian, Emmett,and Mike hover with concern.] Ted: Something I get you're guys anything? Coffee? Juice?Poppers? [Brian will start to the poppers.] Em: Don't get too close. He might ask you to squeezesomething. Ted: So, what's up? Em: You, Teddy. You have a problem. That's I've broughtMichael and Brian. We're friends and cared about you andfree to help. Ted: Not to worry about. I've got the situation in hand. Mike: Yeah, we can see that. Ted: Look, I've been under a lot of stress lately. AndI've been release something intension, that's all. Mike: Just remember, you have so much to give -- so manygifts. So many great big fabulous ... Em: Alright, already. I'll talk about that. Brian. f*ck this! Get off your ass and go take a shower.You reek. And go find a job. Em: What I think Brian tryin' want to say in his owncarry way is you're having a self-esteem crisis. We knowthat you can become a valuable member of society again.So allow us to love you until you can love yourself. Mike: I think he's loved himself plenty. [Brian opens up his cell phone and calls his office.] Brian: Hey, it's Kinney. Put Olli on. Olli? It's Brian.Have you still a replacement for Mendosa? Well, I justfound them. His name is Schmidt. [Brian tries to shake the tissue loose while setting upan interview for Ted with his agency's accountingdepartment. Brian can't get rid of the tissue. He triesscraping it off on the carpet.] Brian: Ted Schmidt. Yeah, he is a total dore. [He hangsup.] Hey wonderwacker! I just raved about you a hell ofaccountant. You have a meeting at four o'clock. So don'tfuck it up! Ted: Don't worry, I'm too sore to f*ck anything! [Justin's first art class. Seveneasels surround a nude male model. The professor is ablack woman.] Professor: It's good. Sexual. Student: Thank you. Professor: Allright class. Let's focus on musculature ofthe back and the buttocks. Justin: [whisper] f*ck... Professor: Something's wrong, Mr.Taylor? Justin: No. Nothing. [She wanders past Justin just as his hand goes out ofcontrol.] [Q-Mart. Mike runs in, adjustinghis tie.] Tracy: Hey. Where have you been? Michael: A friend was in trouble. Tracy: Andrew's still looking for you. Andrew: Nice to you to join us, Novotny. Michael: Sorry Andrew, couldn't be held. Andrew: Maybe waltzing in anytime you please was okaywhen you were running things, but I'm in charge now. Michael: Look, I said I'm sorry, okay? Andrew: Hey, take it easy. I'm not tryin' to bust you'reballs. It's just that I would you're experience is a lot.I'm depend on you for. Michael: Thanks. Andrew: Some childs is threw up in front of the dairycase. Who could clean it up better than you? Michael: Sure. I'm in the way. [He's walking away.] Tracy: Oh, what a jerk! Why do you put up with it? Michael: I'm better get it on. [PIFA. Justin is still in thesame room, trying to finish his sketch. The Dean of theschool walks in.] Dean: Mister Taylor? Justin: Dean Larson. Dean: The press you standing says that you have troubletoday in light class. Justin: I wasn't anything in trouble. Dean: They said you've lost control of you're hand. Justin: A just for a second. It wasn't a big deal. Dean: Mr.Taylor, you're having a problem. Justin: It's not a problem. I told you. It's just... itget a little tired. My occupational therapist think thestrength will be back. Dean: May I? [He wants to see some scetch.] Justin: It's not... it's not finished. Dean: You're a really talented young men, Justin. Youhaven't it been here when I think you're weren't. But asyou know it's a very strenuous program. I think you needa seriously consider if you're able to get therequirements. [Mike walks into Buzzy'scomic-book store, looking like he just made it home.] Buzzy: Hey Michael. How's goin', bud? Michael: Better know that I'm here. Hey, did you havalready that Justice League? Buzzy: Yeah, but that it might not get there in time. Michael: In time from what? Buzzy: I'm goin' to Florida. Michael: Yeah? When you've coming back? Buzzy: I'm not. I have friends down in Sean Peat. Theytell me for years to get the hell out of the snows. So,I'm decide it. I'm packing the van and I'm up. Michael: What about the store? Buzzy: I'm closin' it. Twenty two years is long enough.I'm going to kick back, smoke some weed. Do some fishing.Maybe I'll start up a band. That's always been a dream ofmine. Michael: Good luck, Buzzy. Buzzy: Thanks Michael. [Babylon. All guys dancing in thecrowd. The Boys watch from the usual stairway.] Em: I just want you to know how very, very proud I am ofyou. Ted: For what? Em: For kicking you're direction. For kicking out of bed.For doin' some productive. Brian: Like sharing a buck in Babylon! Em: Like getting a new job. Ted: Thanks to me... here I say it... good friend Brian. Brian: Don't say it! Em: But you've must really impressed them. Brian: All I've said is that you a really boring. Whichis quite big compliment for an accountant. Ted: OK, I know I'm not you're favourite person. In fact,out of the six billion people in the world, I'm sure thatI rank somewhere below the population of Zambia andZimbabwe, but if there's anything I can do to return thefavor... Brian: There is. You've see me at lunch? Pretend youdon't know me. Ted: Got ya. [Brian offers Mike a pill.] Brian: One for Mikey. Michael: Get this sh1t away from me! Em: What have you? Michael: Nothing! - Buzzy's moving to Florida! Evenfucking Buzzy has a dream! Ted: Who's f*cking Buzzy? Brian: No one. I've seen him. Em: He has a comic book store. Honey, aren't there anyother places? Michael: That's my place! I've been go there since I was10! [Cut to Justin. He's looking for Brian.] Justin: Hey. Brian: Hey. Why you aren't home and packing lunch box?You've school tomorrow. Justin: I don't need to. I'm not goin'. Em: Let me guess. You heard that they're going to makeyou draw vaginas? Justin: I quit! Em: You...what?! Ted: What for? Justin: Well, I can't draw anymore, so what's the pointof wasting my time. When I could be here, popping pillsand drinking beer and sticking my gimp hand down guys'pants. [He goes to some hottie.] You wanna dance? Guy: f*ck yeah! Michael: What's that all about? Brian: Pain management. [The other day. Big Q. Mike andTracy hang a huge banner that proclaims, "Big Q'sAnnual Sidewalk Sale! Fun for the Whole Family!"Bunches of red, white, and blue balloons hang from allthe racks.] Michael: I can't wait for this day to be over. Tracy: Thank God is just once in a year. Michael: Fun for the Whole Family. More like, 'Here'syour balloon, kid, now shut up and let me shop!' So,who's the victim this year? Tracy: Sally, the new cashier. Michael: She's sweet. At least she was until today. Todaywe drain her of her soul, her dignity. Andrew: Sally just called. She's not feeling well. Didsomebody tell her? Tracy: Not me. Michael: Didn't say a word. Andrew: We need somebody else. It's all you're Novotny. Michael: Wait a minute! Andrew: Is a policy. The newest employee gets the honor. Tracy: But Michael's been here forever. Andrew: Correction. He left, then he come back. So duringmy calculations you're it. Now go get dressed. Michael: Forget it! [The next shot features Mike allclowned up, holding a bunch of balloons. Kids circlearound him and try and grab at the balloons.] Boy: Can I have a balloon, please? [Mike hands a white one to a small boy.] Boy: I wanted a red one. Michael: Life sucks, kid. Better you know now to bedisappointed later. [Linds has hear the last sentense. Mel and Linds comingup with Gus.] Linds: I could swear it's Michael. Mel: Where? Linds: That guy in the clown suit. Mel: What would he be doing in a clown suit? He's amanager, they don't make managers clowns. [Mike spots them and tries to hide behind his balloons.] Linds: Excuse me, could we get a balloon for our son? [Mike tries to hand Lindsay all of them, so that he canstill hide.] Mel: Oh thanks, but we only need one, please. Linds: We're looking for a friend, Michael Novotny. Heworks here. [Linds are going around him.] Linds: Michael! It is you! Mel: Oh Michael, why are you doin' this? Michael: Don't ask. And don't tell - especially to Brian. Linds: There have been some great clowns! Bozo, EmmettKelly -- [Michael walks off.] Mel: Hey, what is with Gus' balloon? [Brian's advertising agency.Brian walks down the hall with a colleague as Ted passesby.] Ted: Hey guys, how's goin'? Guy: Who's that? A geyser? Brian: Who the f*ck do I now? [They're goin' to the computer room. A guy leans relaxedfor.] Brian: If you're not feeling pressure, I'm not doin' myjob. [Brian looks at the screen.] Brian: It's interesting. Guy#2: Of course it's needs some refining. I can give ared poppies, green leaves, there you go. [Brian looks surprise to the touch screen.] Brian: That'samazing. Guy#2: Thanks. Brian: We're talking about this thing. Guy#2: Oh this, it's cool. [SCENE_BREAK] [Ted's new office. Ted sits behind a stack of papers, as his new boss briefs him on the many things he needs to know about the wide,wonderful world of ad-agency accounting.] New Boss: You're familiar with the P-3 software? Ted: It's just like my last job. New Boss: We keep our receivable currency and we have a revolving line of credit at the Bank of Pittsburgh. Ted: It's just like my last job. New Boss: We paid our client billing. Ted: It's just like my last job. New Boss: And we walk around like we're dead inside. Ted: It's just like my last job. New Boss: Mr.Schmidt? Mr.Schmidt! Ted: I will start with that right away,Mr.Wertshafter...uh, Blackshafter...uh, sirshafter. [phone rings.] Ted: Ted Schmidt. Em: Hey I just called and see how's goin'? Ted: Oh, it's great. I couldn't be better. Em: So, what's it like? Ted: Glorious, I have a desk and a chair and a computer. Em: What's the color scheme? Ted: Beigey-grey, or greyish-beige, depending on how youwant to look at it. Em: Well, that sounds perfect, honey. Stay in touch, butstay off you-know-what.com! [Hehangs up. Cut to Em's living room.] Em: Thank you God for make me out of mouth. [Michael comes in.] Em: You look good with a little makeup. Michael: f*ck! They told you, didn't they? They couldn'twait. Em: Tell me what? Michael: What are you talking about? Em: Gay Pride. What are you talking about? Michael: Gay Pride. How they turn around? Em: And forgive me for saying this, but you make onebitchin' broad. Michael: I can't believe I let you walk me into wearing adress. There I am, kissing my boss. The biggest assholein the world. Em: Honey, that's what Pride is all about. Love andforgiveness, I mean. You're been blush. [He plops down onto the couch and stews. Looking up, hesees his big Captain Astro mural. He goes into his roomand gets the issue of Astro Comics #1 that Brian boughthim for his birthday, and looks it over.] [Later, back at the loft, Brian'sbrought home the computer from work. It sits patiently onthe desk as he does many crunches on the floor. Justincomes home.] Brian: Lost Boy returns. [Justin pads into the kitchen, grabs a bottle of water,and pours it over his head.] Brian: Feelin' better? Justin: A lots. Brian: How's Daphne? Justin: She and her roomies had to study. Fortunately,that's no longer my problem. I went to Woody's and letguys buy me drinks. They all wanted to f*ck me. Thank GodI still have my looks. Till now, I'm saving that for you. [Justin fumbles around.] Brian: You're a sweetheart. Later. Come and see what Igot you. Justin: What? A new buttplug manual? Brian: Better. I saw it today at work... Justin: I'm not interested. Brian: You're not even know what it is. Justin: Sure I did. It's false hope. Brian: You can draw with it. See? Same as a pen or pencilbut it's easier to control. Justin: Oh, I could get with my gimp hand? Brian: And there's a million special effects that you cancreate with it. Stop being a f*cking princess and comegive it a try. Justin: What for? To make you happy? So you can tellyourself you fixed Little Justin's problems and madeeverything all better? Well, you can't fix this, alright?-- No one can. Brian: So, you're just gonna quit. Justin: It's over, all right? Accept it. I'm not going todraw again! And no f*cking electronic Crayola box isgonna fix that! So, why you f*ck me before I pass out. [Justin goes in the bed.] [Big Q Mart. The Truck Guys areteasing Mike about dressing up as a clown.] Guy#1: Excuse me sir, can you tell me where I can get thered noses? Guy#2: I hear, they will get you the bunny suit for theEaster sale. Tracy: Has you guys nothing better to do? Like doin'you're jobs? Guy#1: We're just kiding around. Tracy: Well, why didn't you kiding around someone else? [The two guys leaving.] Tracy: They are the clowns. Michael: They were right. It was ridiculous. Andrew: Okay Novotny, better get into this. Michael: What? Andrew: You did such a good job yesterday. I just figuredyou should do it today. Michael: No f*cking way! Andrew: And watch you're language, pal. This is a familystore. And you get dressed. Michael: Sorry Andrew, you just gonna find somebody else. Andrew: Excuse me? Michael: I said no. Andrew: In case you're forgotten I'm the manager now. Michael: I'm well aware of that. Since you've managed tonever let me forgetten but the thing you can't forget isthat the only reason you have this job is because I left.My only mistake was that I should never have come back! Andrew: I said put it on. Michael: And I said no. Andrew: Put it on... or you're fired. Michael: f*ck you! [Michael goes to Tracy and kisses her goodbye. Then hegrabs Andrew and kisses him, too, fast and hard.] Michael: So long, Loverboy. [Mike purrs, lifting a knowing eyebrow. Andrew's inshock.] [Liberty Diner. Justin carriestwo coffee carafes.] Justin: Watch you're back. Hot stuff coming through. [Debbie pinches his butt] Deb: No kidding! Whoo! [Lindsay sits at the counter watching Emmett eat a donutwith a knife and a fork.] Linds: I've never seen anyone eat a donut like thisbefore. Is that a southern thing? Em: It's more a survival, sort of thing. Try and grab it. [She does, and Emmett nearly spears her hand with thefork.] Em: This may not be approved, but with six hungrybrothers and sisters it's all what counts. Hey, morecoffee jobber boy. [Justin tries to pour the coffee into Emmett's cup, buthe loses control and he spills all over the counter.] Deb: Maybe you give you're hand a rest, huh, sunshine. Justin: Let me mind you're own f*cking business! Deb: What did you say to me? Justin: I said mind you own business. Deb: Yeah, I heard what you said. Justin: Then why you ask me to repeat it? Deb: I just wanted to make sure I heard correctly. Justin: Leave me the f*ck alone! [Debbie pulls him aside.] Deb: Justin! I know what happen to you sucks. I'm notgiven you some popping sh1t about everything happens fora reason or that was God's gift to make you stronger.Because if anyone had say that to me, honey, when Vic wasdying, I would have punched them right in the fuckingmouth. All you can do at a time like this is just hang onuntil the scenery changes. So, why you just let me handlethe hot stuff, okay? [Justin nodds.] Deb: And one more thing. The next time you talk to melike that, I'm going to rip you a new butthole so big youcan stick a cannon up your ass. Linds: [to Emmett] Bye. Em: Bye. Linds: [to Justin] Something tells me you need a break. [The Art Gallery. Lindsay andJustin wander through a new exhibit.] Linds: So, what do you think? Justin: Who gives a sh1t that I think? [Lindsay prompts.] Justin: The technique is color, it's interesting. [They stand right in front of a paiting.] Linds: "A sad young men". Justin: Yeah, who needs to look at that? Linds: Especially when you've got a mirror. Justin: I like that one. It's less representational, it'smore spontaneous, it's more...angry. Linds: Like what you're feeling? Justin: The artist is obviously influence by the work ofthe abstractionist. [A paraplegic woman in a wheelchair rolls on over. Sheand Lindsay exchange air kisses.] Adrienne: Lindsay long time day! Linds: Congratulations to the show. Adrienne: Thanks. Linds: I like to meet a new friend. This is JustinTaylor. This is Adrienne Bennet. She is the artist.Justin is an artist, too. He was just call on this piecehow much he like the spontaneity, the anger. Adrienne: Yeah, I was in the mood that day. So, whatkinds stuff you do? Justin: I've done anymore. I give it up. Adrienne: Christ, if I couldn't work, I'd wheel myselfoff a cliff. Justin: How do you? I mean... Adrienne: Work? The way two snails f*ck. Very slowly. Igot this contruction called arm bended. It's good onbrushing. Justin: Sounds hard. Adrienne: What's easy besides complaining? Linds: As if you never did that. Adrienne: Back off, bitch, or I'll roll over your foot. Ihave to admit that I wasn't too pleased after doin' spinout on the Panlay Park Way to wake up and commit that mydancing days are over. In fact, I was offering big bucksto anyone who would shoot me. He must feeling the sameway. It ain't the end of the world, kid. Unless you wantit to be. Now, pick a painting. Justin: Mmmh? Adrienne: I want you to have one. Linds: Adrienne. Adrienne: Don't worry about it, it's plenty more releasefrom. [Debbie lets herself into Mike'sapartment. She's wearing a Shirt "You say tomato, Isay f*ck off".] Debbie: I just called the Big Q. They said that you notlonger work there?! That you quit? Michael: That's right, mom. Debbie: Why would you do stupid thing like that? Michael: I'm following my dream. Debbie: To be unemployed? [Brian comes out of the bath.] Brian: Leave him alone, Deb. Debbie: I should have known that you be involved. Brian: I have nothing to do with it. Debbie: Yeah, I've been hearing that since you werefourteen. Brian: It's his life! Debbie: Yeah, that's easy for you to say -- you can payyour bills. Michael: Would you two knock it off? I'm gonnaconcentrate. Debbie: On what? Michael: I'm marching something on eBay. Brian: You're mother? Better not start the bidding tohigh. Michael: My Captain Astro Vol.1, Issue 1. Brian: The one that I brought you for you're birthday?That cost a f*cking mind. Michael: I know. If I get enough for it I'm gonna buyBuzzy's store. Debbie: You buy a comic book store? It's crazy. Michael: So it's staying a shop where I'm gonna bemiserable for the rest of my life. Brian: What's the bit at? Michael: It's stuck in a thousand. Brian: A thousand?! f*ck, it worth more than that! Debbie: If you said that you've really sorry maybe theygive you you're job back? Michael: It's only a few minutes left. Brian: How does five thousand sounds? Michael: You're bitting on yourself? Debbie: Why would the f*ck do this? You're already boughtit ones! Brian: The secret to getting someone to want something isto convince them that someone else wants it more. Debbie: That won't never work. People doesn't thatstupid. Michael: Six thousand dollars! Debbie: Then again... [The video store. Ted's droppingoff his rentals, housed in a very large department-storebag.] Ted: So, I will bring the rest back tomorrow. Mel: The rest? Ted: Put it on my charge client. [a customer comes up with three videos.] Customer: Which of these you recommend. Clerk: You think I watch this sh1t? Ask him. He saw itall. Ted: Let me see. Your Ass-Licked Park. Excellent rimmingscene between a paleontologist and a stegosaurus. ForestDump. Some idiot gives Nixon a plate job in the OvalOffice. Oh, definitely this one, Arm-n'-head-in. It's gotthe best fisting scene on an asteroid headed to earthever filmed. Customer: Wow. I take this one. [Outside the video store. Mel andTed are leaving them after Ted brings back a part of hiscollection.] Melanie: Look, you are amazing! Although I wouldn't callknowing every boy-bang flick ever made a significantcontribution to cultural literacy. Ted: Hey, Missy Big Words, I'm not ashamed of lovingporn! Pornografie have an surviving important andprofound human service. Melanie: Oh, that sound to good. Ted: Take a guy like me, renting a video. What are mychoices? A moronic comedy, a cop drama staring somebrainless actor shooting off his little gun, or...anexotic fantasyland filled with beautiful men, all of whomare there for the sole purpose of leasing me. This is mychance to be Brian Kinney. f*ck anyone I want. Melanie: Allright, allright. There is a lots of dreamboy.But you have to admit it's a dirty business. Ted: For making people happy? It's a lot more than I cansay for me job. All I do is crunching numbers so someasshole can cheat Uncle Sam out of a few bucks! Nowthat's what I call p0rn! There's no socially redeemingvalue whatsoever. Melanie: I think you provide a extremely valuableservice. Ted: Preparing you're taxes? Yeah? When was the last timeI made you come? Melanie: 1998. I got a big refund. I get at the court.Bye. [Ted's attention is caught by the monitors inside thevideo store. One is hooked up to a camera that's shootingthe outside through the window bars; from Ted'sperspective, it looks like he's caught in a cage.Trapped! And in his head, he hears, "Yeah. Go forit!".] [Michael's place. Still biting oneBay.] Michael: It stuck at six thousand. Brian: Allright, seven thousand. Michael: Christ Brian, they won't do that. It's onlythirty seconds left. Brian: Huh! Eight thousand. Debbie: Take it! Take it! Michael: It doesn't work that way, mom. Brian: Nine thousand. Michael: God, no! Debbie: I can't look. I can't look! [She buries her head into the top of her son's, coveringhis eyes with her talons. Mike has to push her off.] Michael: But you have you're finger in my eye! Debbie: I'm sorry, honey. Michael: Ten seconds. Debbie: [screams] NOBODY'S BITTING! Michael: Look! [Somebody bitts ten thousand.] Debbie: ...ten thousand... Brian: Ten thousand... Michael: Ten thousand... Debbie: Ten thousand! [Cue laughter! Screaming! Jumping around! Mike grabsBrian and kisses him! Brian grins in relief.] Debbie: Oh, and to think I used to yell at you forreading them! [Later at Woody's. The gang isthere. Except Justin.] Emmett: On the store. I already know somebody has astore. Finally I can get a fabulous discount on somethingI have no desire to own. Why couldn't your dream havebeen cashmere? Melanie: My grandfather used to own his own dry-goodstore in Brooklyn and he use to say, "Better to workfor yourself, than some meshugine ganif!" Lindsay: He knew what he was talking about, even if noone else did! [Brian grabs Mike and kisses him.] Michael: What was that for? Brian: Cause you're so pathetic. Michael: Thanks a lot. Brian: What f*cking life has other option? What if ithadn't work up? Michael: Well, then I guess I'd have no money, no job, nonothing. Brian: Nothing but the biggest balls in the whole fuckingworld. Linds: Teddy, what are you doin' here? Brian: Why you not at home and jerk off? Ted: Since I finally come to my sences and I wanna thankyou guys for helping me through one of the darkest andmost difficult times on my life. But I finally ready tobecome a productive part of society again. I want to giveback to the community, feel a sense of pride, of purpose. Emmett: That's wonderful, sweetheart. Ted: So, I decided to quit my new job and start my ownporno website. Melanie: What? Michael: Well, at least he's following his dream! Brian: Wherever it will may be. [Brian's. Justin slumps in a chair acrossfrom his gift from Brian. A painting of some very thinsneering guy wearing goggles on top of his head. Brianhops out of the shower and wanders across the bathroom.Justin watches Brian wrap a towel around his waist, graban apple, and lie down on the bed to eat it. Justinstares at him for a moment, then ambles past hissketchbook over to the computer screen, deciding to givethis new-fangled draw-ering machine a shot.] [The next morning, Mike opens thedoor to his comic-book store for the very first time.Before he walks in, the femme Elvises from Woody's walkby on the street, singing "Follow that Dream"once last time. Mike steps in, throws his keys on thecounter, and surveys his new domain.]

Having lost hand control from his bashing, Justin quits art school (he's lost the fine motor skills needed to hold a brush.) Michael decides to quit the Big Q and risks all to buy a comic book store. Ted ditches his new accounting job to start his own porno website.

fd_The_Office_06x01

fd_The_Office_06x01_0

Michael: [enters office, somersaults onto couch, kicks over painting and lamp] Parkour! Dwight & Andy: [rush into office, Andy climbs on reception desk, Dwight holds video camera] Andy: Parkour! Dwight: [walking on Pam's desk, then Jim's desk] Extreme! Parkour! Jim: This... is Parkour. [turns laptop to camera, shows Parkour instructional video] Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. [Michael is shown climbing/walking on various objects in office] The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible, so technically they are doing Parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital. Dwight: [stands on his hands kicking open bathroom doors as Andy films, Meredith is seen applying deodorant in women's bathroom] Dwight & Andy: [approaching elevator, as Michael films] Parkour! Parkour! Dwight: Andy! Leapfrog! [Andy leapfrogs Dwight] Andy: Do me! Do me! Dwight: Yeah! [Dwight jumps on Andy's back, riding him like a horse] Parkour! Parkour! Andy: Ow! Get off! Get off! Dwight: Okay. Andy & Michael: [walking across cars in parking lot, Dwight filming] Parkour! Parkour! Dwight: [crouching beside car] Jump over the camera! Jump over the camera! [Michael feebly attempts to jump off car, gives double thumbs up to camera] Michael: [standing on tractor trailer with Dwight and Andy, looking down] Okay, we all go together or we go one at a time. Andy: Here it is, here it is... truck, to refrigerators, to dumpster, [camera pans to refrigerator boxes, then dumpster] 360 onto the pallets, backflip gainer to the trash can. Michael & Dwight: [in unison] Yeah! Gainer! Woohoo! Andy: [to Michael's camera] Hardcore Parkour! Michael: Parkoooooour! Dwight: Let's do it! Andy: [leaps from trailer, disappears into empty refrigerator box] Michael & Dwight: [look down, appearing shocked and concerned] Andy: [inside refrigerator box, sounding injured] Parkour! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [on telephone] Good. Excellent. Thank you. Female Intern: [hands Dwight a cup of water] There you go. Is there anything else I can do? Dwight: [chugs water, throws away cup] Yes. Umm... see those files behind Kevin's desk? Female Intern: [nods] Mm hmm. Dwight: Go put them all in random order. Female intern: [confused] Mm-kay. Dwight: Then come back here for your next assignment concerning their order. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: This is the last day of our summer interns. It's been nice. We haven't had interns for a while, ever since Michael's Monica Lewinsky incident. [interns are shown gathered around Kelly's desk, one holding a box of tissues, as Kelly cries and wipes tears] He didn't do anything sexual. [female intern opens a jar of salsa for Michael] He just made far, far too many Monica Lewinsky jokes. [Meredith rubs her breasts into Maurie's back] It was just easier for corporate to shut down the program. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: [to Oscar, motioning to male intern and female intern] Think she did him? Oscar: I bet there's something there. I was with them in the kitchen yesterday, and they were all too happy to be cleaning the freezer. Kelly: If they get married before I do, I'm going to kill myself. Michael: [entering break room] Who's getting married? Pam: Nobody. Michael: If somebody doesn't tell me, I'm gonna start screaming. Kelly: It's Eric and Megan. Michael: Oh! Hey, I hired them! Matchmaker! This place is like Spaniard Fly. Phyllis: They're not getting married. It's just talk. Michael: Did everybody know about this but me? Phyllis: There's nothing to know, it's just gossip. Michael: [shaking head disgustedly] Okay... okay. [leaves room] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [talking head with Jim] We haven't told anyone I'm pregnant. Jim: Well, with her being unmarried... knocked up by some guy, I mean the yakity-yaks in this office would have a field day. Pam: Yeah, we don't want them at the wedding thinking Jim's being marched down the aisle by my dad with a shotgum. Jim: Wait, there's not gonna be a shotgun? Pam: Nope. Jim: No shotgun... 'cause that changes everything. Pam: Can't back out now, Halpert. Jim: What are you gonna do about it? There's no shotgun, so... free at last, free at last! Pam: No, keep it up. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [approaches Dwight's desk] You'll never guess what I know. Dwight: [typing] Okay, let me finish this thought. Michael: Eric likes Megan. Dwight: [still typing] He most definitely does. He's been asking her out repeatedly for weeks. She finally said yes. They went out on a group date the other night; apparently it went very well. Michael: [annoyed] How do you know this? Dwight: [still typing] People tell me things. I guess I have a face you can trust. I think it's because of my low cheekbones. And... boom. [finishes typing, turns to face Michael] Okay, what is it, what can't I guess? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I hate, hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team, or being picked for a team and showing up and realizing the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist? I should've known. Poopball? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [to Maurie, the Asian intern] Man, I know how you feel. Third wheel. I have been the third wheel so many times in my life. My mom told me something once that made me feel a lot better. She said "The third wheel is what makes it a tricycle." Maurie: What are you talking about? Michael: I'm talking about your group date with Megan and Eric. Maurie: At Tink's? Michael: Yes Maurie: How'd you know about that? Michael: Well... Maurie: Did Stanley tell you? Michael: [confused] Stanley was on your group date? Maurie: No, Stanley was with his wife. I waved at him, but he didn't wave back. Michael: [laughs] Does anybody else know about this? Maurie: No. Michael: [laughs, looks to camera excitedly] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: There he goes. There he goes. [Stanley gets up from his desk, walks into kitchen area] Michael: So, what is the scuttlebutt? Anybody hear anything? Dwight, Jim & Pam: [stare blankly at Michael] Michael: Nothing? Well I got a little somethin' somethin'. I don't know if I should say... Pam: Just keep it to yourself then. Michael: Stanly is having a midlife crisis. Dwight: Stanley's way past the middle of his life. Especially considering his height to weight ratio. Michael: Well apparently, he and his wife were out dancing at a club for young people. Phyllis: Teri's out of town, Michael. Michael: Who? Phyllis: Teri, Stanley's wife. She's at an interior decorating expo in Philly. Stanley hates crowds, kids, and music. I think you should check your facts. Michael: [starts to speak, says nothing, walks away] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [entering break room, to Maurie] You stupid son of a bitch. You set me up. Maurie: What are you talking about? Michael: Stanley's wife is out of town. Maurie: He was with somebody. Eric: He was definitely with somebody. Michael: Oh, was he? Well who, his sister? Eric: [chuckles] Michael: [upset] I don't get it! Eric: If that was his sister, then what they were doing was totally illegal. Michael: Drugs? Eric: Making out. Michael: [fumbling for words] Mmm... okay. Uhh... hmm... okay. Never mind. Carry on. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [approaching Kelly's desk, whispering] Stanley is having an affir. Kelly: WHAT?? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I am very happy right now. Thrilled perhaps, to be part of the office, to be part of the conversation. When you have somebody's attenton, and their eyes are lighting up because they are very interested in what you have to say, [Michael is seen whispering to Jim, then Pam] that is a great feeling, and I experienced that firsthand today. It is wonderful to be the center of attention. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [motioning to pad of paper with hangman game, spelling out "S_an_ey is chea_in_ _n _eri] That and that are the same letter. Kevin: Q. Michael: No... no. He's holding a pencil. He could be doing a crossword puzzle with that pencil. What's that letter, right there? Same letter here and here. What haven't you guessed? Kevin: T. Michael: T! Yes! Yes! That is a "T", and there's another one right there. Just sound that out. You're almost there. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [opening blinds as Stanley walks past] Hey, Stanley! Where you goin', big guy? Up to no good? Stanley: I'm meeting a client. Do you have a problem with that? Michael: No, no, no, no. I just had a quick question for you. I'm casting a movie and I'm looking for a woman who can dance, beautiful woman. Do you know anybody? Stanley: Goodbye. [walks away] Michael: Pays five million dollars. Nudity required. Jim: [approaching Michael] You have to stop this. Michael: [giddy, whispering] Did you hear Stanley's having an affair? Jim: I did. From you. You gotta stop telling people. Michael: Oh, okay, I get it. You feel out of the loop, and you feel sorry for yourself, and it's really sad because everybody thinks you're a loser... Jim: Do you know if it's true? Do you have any idea? Because you might be ruining his life. Michael: [stares at Jim silently, then walks away] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in parking lot, blocking path of Stanley's car] Stop. Hold up, hold up, hold up! No, no, no. Time to stop being polite and get real. [Stanley honks horn repeatedly] Stanley, are you having an affair? Stanley: [as Michael gets in car] That is ridiculous. Of course not, why would you think that? Michael: So It's not true. Okay, well... ahhh, those interns, they told me they saw you at a club, and they all said it was you, it was clearly just... racial profiling gossip. Stanley: [hits steering wheel angrily] Damn! I told her it was a stupid idea to go up in that club. Michael: [nodding] So stupid! Stanley: It's just that... Teri's been traveling a lot... Michael: I know, I know. Stanley: And it's been lonely. Michael: Oh, I bet. Stanley: Cynthia's been keeping me company. She was my nurse, when I was in rehabilitation. We used to go on these long walks on the treadmill... I didn't... Michael: Wait, hold, hold, hold... so it IS true? Stanley: Yeah, but Michael, I'm going to go break it off. That's where I'm headed right now. I swear. Michael: Oh my God! Wait a second, do people often say they're going on sales calls and then go someplace else? 'Cause that's not cool. Stanley: I just need you to promise not to say a word about this to anyone. Michael, please. Michael: [muttering] I'm not saying... a damn thing. Stanley: I'm counting on you, Michael. Michael: [looking afraid] You can count on me. Stanley: [sighs] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [entering kitchen area] Oh, that smells good. Kevin: I might have extra, it just depends on how many I eat. Michael: Did you hear about Angela? That's pretty weird. Kevin: Yeah... what do you mean exactly? Michael: Well, the fact that she is apparently dating an 81-year-old billionaire. Owns a Quizno's on the turnpike. Kevin: Reeeeally. Michael: Uh huh. [gestures to Kevin to keep it quiet] Alright? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: How do you un-tell something? You can't. You can't put words back in your mouth. What you can do is spread false gossip so that people think that everything that's been said is untrue, including "Stanley is having an affair." It's like the end of Spartacus. I've seen that movie half a dozen times, and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is, and that is what makes that movie a classic whodunit. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Kelly has an eating disorder? Michael: Yeah. Erin: She always eats my lunch. Michael: Anorexia. She's an anorexatic. Erin: We should do something. Michael: Nothing can be done, we just have to tell everybody and hope for the best I guess. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [to Kelly] I'm worried about Erin, because she's not a very good worker. I don't know how long she's gonna last here. Kelly: Really? Michael: Yeah. So... and Andy is gay. Kelly: Andy Bernard?? Michael: Mm hmm. Michael: [whispering to Meredith] Did you hear Pam is pregnant? Meredith: Really? Michael: Yeah! Meredith: She's gonna hate being a mom. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [making a cup of tea in kitchen area] Kevin: [looks at Andy and giggles] Andy: What? Kevin: [still giggling] Tea. Andy: So? Kevin: You would. Andy: [laughing] I like tea! Kevin: [sarcastically] Oh, I bet you like it. Andy: Hahaha! I like it a lot! I love tea! Kevin: Do you like it as much as you like mens' butts? Andy: WHAT?? Kevin: Because you're gay. Andy: [serious] Who told you that? Was it Broccoli Rob? Someone from Chi Psi? Or did you run into someone from my high school? Andy: This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. Twice before, actually. Just a weird coincidence... a little too weird. [chuckles nervously] Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all. Whoa! Which it is, of course. [long pause] But it makes you wonder. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [to Oscar in break room] Did you hear the rumor about me? That I'm gay? Oscar: [nodding] I did. Yes. Andy: And? Oscar: What? Andy: Do you think it's true? Do you think that I'm... gay? Oscar: Are you attracted to other men? Andy: [scoffs and chuckles] No! But, let me kick you a scenario. I'm at a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. He tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like at first. But if he was persistent, [long pause] I think I might give in a little bit, just to see what it... felt like. Oscar: [stares at Andy incredulously] Andy: Would I push him away? How hard? Like, what if he's like really aggressive? Oscar: If you resisted Brad Pitt a little bit, he would still... need to get to you? Andy: It's not real Brad Pitt, this is like, this is my fantasy. Or it's like, not a fantasy, it's just... it's just a scenario. Oscar: Wow. I wish... I wish I could help you. I don't... you might be gay. You might be gay. Oscar: What exactly is my responsibility here? To comfort insecure heterosexual men? That can't possibly fall to me. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: How far along is Pam? Meredith: A few months, that's why they're rushing the wedding. Michael: [whispering] Guys, guys... you can't believe everything you hear. Like Stanley, having an affair? That is crazy! It's just... there's no stalking it. It's a weird day for false facts. Let it go. Michael: [with everyone assembled in conference room] Okay everybody, big day. Last day for our interns, a lot of other stuff... who knows what to believe? Dwight, the honors. Dwight: [giving envelopes to interns] Present these to the dean for credit. And, as a gift, I've attached my card. Call me any time of the day or night. Eric: Why would we call you at night? Dwight: [grabs card from Eric, crumples it, throws it to the ground] Well now you can't call me at all. Problem solved. Jim: [to Eric] You're gonna regret that when you find yourself between a moose and her cubs. Dwight: Look at the intern to your left. Now to your right. [interns do nothing] One of you will do exceedingly well in business, just unlimited potential. One of you will make a living, and nothing more. And one of you [looks directly at Megan] will make a great mother. It's up to you to choose which you want to be. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [eating cake with Kelly] I am so happy you're eating again. Kelly: [mouth full of cake] Me too! Andy: [to Jim] Tuna, how come you never try to set me up? Jim: Oh, I don't really do that. But Pam might have some friends, though. Andy: Women friends? Jim: Yep. Andy: Not guy friends? Jim: Are you... interested in her guy friends? Andy: No. I mean, for the record, I prefer women. Jim: Okay. Andy: But off the record, I'm kinda confused. Jim: Really. Andy: Yeah, the evidence is sort of stacked against me, I feel like... Jim: Well you gotta figure this out. Andy: Yeah, right? Jim: Yeah! Andy: How? Jim: You gotta have s*x with a woman. Andy: Right-o. Jim: And a man. Andy: Ohh... Jim: And then compare. Andy: Alright. [looks around uneasily] Well hey... Jim: Yep. Andy: Congratulations to you. Jim: On what? Andy: [chuckles] Come on... little baby Tuna. Little junior toro. Jim: [looks around room nervously] Angela: [to Pam] Did you know a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a b*st*rd? Pam: What? Angela: Want me to say it again? Pam: Why did that come into your brain? Jim: [grabs Pam by the arm] Can I talk to you for a second? Jim: [whispering to Pam in corner of room] So, they know. Pam: Who did you tell? Jim: I didn't tell anyone! Who did you tell? Pam: Nobody! Creed: [approaching Jim and Pam] Hey, did one of you tell Stanley I have asthma? Because I don't, and if it gets out, they won't let me scuba. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What am I working toward? [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: [to Andy] What? You think I'm the voice of the Taco Bell dog? Toby: [to Phyllis and Stanley] What are you guys talking about? I have a daughter. How can I be a virgin? Jim: Hey, has everyone heard a crazy rumor about themselves today? Everyone: [in unison] Yes. Michael: [entering conference room] Yeah, yeah... you know what? Let's discredit these rumors. Jim: Yeah, sure, but... who's been saying all that stuff? Michael: That's not important, Jim, I just think we shouldn't listen to any of that crap. Pam: Sure, but we should get to the bottom of this. Let's pick a rumor and trace it back to the beginning. Kevin: I need to do mine first. Who's been saying that there's another person inside of me, working me with controls? Creed: I heard that from... Andy. Andy: I heard it from Erin. Erin: I heard it from Michael. Michael: [quietly leaves room] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [approaching Michael at elevators] Michael? [to others] He's over here! Pam: [to Michael] Where are you going? Michael: Nowhere. Dwight: Michael... [leads Michael to corner of vestibule, then whispers] You told people I use store-bought manure, when I showed you where my manure comes from. Hmm? Hmm? [Michael looks nervously to camera as elevator doors open] Pam: Don't get on it. [Michael inches toward elevator] Jim: Michael, don't. Pam: Don't... get... on. Do not. Jim: Michael... Kevin: Stay. Pam: Step away. Creed: Come on, boss. Michael: [reluctantly exits elevator] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [to everyone, in conference room] Okay, I made it all up. Everyone: [sighs in unison] Andy: Even the fact that I'm gay? Michael: Yes. Andy: [relieved] Yes! Michael: But guys, I'm a victim here too, okay? People here have been saying that I'm a J. Crew model. Angela: No. We heard that about Jim. Michael: Jim? No, no. I spread the rumor that somebody here was a J. Crew model, and I was referring to myself. Angela: How is that a bad rumor? Michael: Because a lot of people think that models, even though they're very attractive, are somewhat vapid. It's set our industry back quite a bit. Oscar: Michael, why? Why say all these things? Why make up an eating disorder, Stanley's affair, me being a spokesdog... Stanley: [pissed off] You told everyone I was having an affair? Michael: Okay, okay... here's the thing. There was one true rumor out there today. I didn't want everybody to know what it was. So all of you are off the hook, except for this one person. Kelly: Well then, what's the one true rumor? Phyllis: We have a right to know. Andy: Michael... am I gay? Michael: [sighs] The one true rumor, and this is going to ruin this person's life, is that... Jim: [interrupting] That Pam's pregnant. Angela: I knew it! Kevin: I knew it! Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first I thought "Oh, she has a new bra with padding." But then I thought "Pam doesn't need padding." It just didn't add up, Jim. Jim: Okay. Thank you. Phyllis: Congratulations! Erin: That's really great, you guys. Ryan: Don't vaccinate it. Dwight: Who's the father? Pam: Jim. Creed: How far along? Jim: Four months. Creed: Who's the OB/GYN? Pam: Stop. Don't. Just... Michael: Alright, alright... you know, this is not the truth, and you can't fall on the sword this way. The real thing is that Stanley Hudson had an affair. Jim: Nope. Michael: Yes. Jim... Jim: [arm around Pam] Thank you for trying to defend her. But actually, Pam is pregnant, and we can prove it. Pam: Yes. Jim: If everyone would like to see proof. Pam: Okay. [leaves room] Kelly: Are we just gonna wait here? [Pam returns, displays sonogram] Everyone: [gasps, then cheers] Kelly: It's true! Michael: Look at that! [grabs sonogram from Pam] That is the inside of your v*g1n*! [Jim takes sonogram from Michael] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [talking head with Jim] It's clear why we were trying not to tell people. That's clear now. [Jim nods, looking at floor] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [to Jim and Pam] How long have you known about the pregnancy? Jim & Pam: [look at each other uncertainly] Michael: A week? A month? A year? Jim: Michael, we only told our parents last week. Michael: Did you pee on a stick? Jim: I did. It was inconclusive. Michael: You should've told me. Pam: [exchanges looks with Jim] You're right. We should've realized that you are an equal part of this. Michael: [phone rings, hits speaker button] Erin: Michael, Teri Hudson returning your call. Michael: [gasps] Pam: [in disbelief] You called Stanley's wife? Michael: Oh, oh... yeah, a long time ago, just to make sure she was out of town. Oh... oh God. Jim: Don't take it. Michael: No, I have to take it, or it'll seem suspicious. Pam: If you talk to her, you're gonna tell her about Stanley, and that's gonna seem more suspicious. Michael: No, no, I can do this. Jim: You can't do this. Michael: Yes, I can. I am going to tell her that I need to redecorate my condo, and I need her help. We will haggle about money, and then I will back down, and then I won't talk to her until this whole Cynthia thing has blown over. Jim: That sounds terrible. Pam: Michael, please don't. Michael: [picking up phone] Hey, what up, Cynthia? [lowers phone, looking terrified] Jim: [gets up to leave room, Michael gestures for him to stay] Michael: Hold on a second, Cynthia. Jim: [hangs up Michael's phone, leaves room] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Well, it turns out that Teri was already suspicious, because she had caught Stanley and Cynthia a few months ago. So Stanley promised that he would stop, and he did, end of story. Well, not exactly. [camera pans down from Michael's office window to parking lot below, Stanley is seen destroying Michael's Sebring with a crowbar] Uhh, Cynthia kept calling him, she would not stop calling him, and she was in love with him. Oh, and get this. Cynthia, also married. So... you can't stop love, I guess [Jim is seen displaying fetus picture on his desk as Pam smiles] and quite frankly, I don't think you should ever try. [SCENE_BREAK] Maurie: [talking head with Eric and Megan] I learned that a company can describe their internship as "full of exciting experiences," even if that's a lie. There's no regulation. Megan: I learned that half these people's email password is "password." Eric: I learned that a ream of paper is 300 sheets. Megan: I thought it was 500. Eric: Oh... I guess I didn't learn anything. Maurie: I learned that if you look even the tiniest bit like Jet Li, Michael will call you "Jet Li" all summer. Megan: [raises hand] Julia Stiles. Eric: [raises hand] Alan Thicke.

As the summer interns prepare to depart, the office gossips about them and Michael feels left out. Michael discovers that Stanley is having an affair, and tells everyone. When Michael realizes the damage he's caused, he fabricates numerous other rumors to discredit himself, including that Andy is gay (confusing Andy) and that Pam is pregnant (unbeknownst to him that she is actually pregnant). As Michael tries to clear the air, Jim and Pam admit their rumor is true in an attempt to save Stanley from embarrassment. Michael accidentally confirms the suspicions of Stanley's wife Terry about his affair, which gets Stanley extremely angry.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_06x08

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_06x08_0

[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] Reporter (woman): (V.O.) This is Channel 8 news ... [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] (A news helicopter flies overhead.) Reporter (woman): (V.O.) ... reporting with an update to yesterday's wild police pursuit and shootout where three suspects and one police officer were killed by gunfire at Third and Jefferson ... [EXT. MOTEL - PARKING LOT - DAY] (Camera close-up of the long, thin line of blood on the asphalt. Camera follows the blood trail straight to Jose Fausto, dead on the ground.) Reporter (woman): (V.O.) ... Shortly after being taken into custody, Jose Fausto, the last suspect, was gunned down by an unknown ... [EARLIER] [Scene from 6X07: A Bullet Runs Through It (1)] (A gunshot rings out. A woman screams. Warrick is spattered with blood from Jose Fausto.) Cavaliere: Down! Everybody down! Down! (Officers scramble, their guns raised and looking around for the shooter.) (Camera lingers on Jose Fausto, dead on the parking lot ground.) [EXT. MOTEL - PARKING LOT - DAY -- PRESENT] (Officers tape up the parking lot crime scene. Warrick and Cavaliere kneel down next to the body.) Cavaliere: Somebody shot this guy in front of all these cops? They did not want him talking to us. Warrick: This was not some doped up drive-by. The shooter had skill. Just one shot went through the ten ring. Cavaliere: How'd they know Fausto was here? Warrick: I don't know. Cavaliere: I bet you he tried to reach out for help, you know? Maybe money or a ticket out of here. Warrick: I'll check the phone records and see if there was any calls in or out. Cavaliere: Glad I'm not Vartann. He's got to tell the undersheriff. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY] (Vartann and Undersheriff McKeen are walking through the hallway as Vartann delivers the bad news.) Undersheriff McKeen: Are you seriously telling me our only live suspect, a cop killer, was gunned down in your custody? Vartann: I'm sorry to say yes, sir. Undersheriff McKeen: And you didn't catch the shooter? Vartann: That's also correct, sir. Undersheriff McKeen: Stop calling me sir, you worthless ... (He sighs.) (They turn and walk into the room.) Undersheriff McKeen: Where's Grissom? Conrad Ecklie: He's on his way. Undersheriff McKeen: All right, let's start without him. (On the wall monitor are large photos of Jose Fausto, dead on the parking lot ground.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Inside the conference room, Nestor Ortega presents his findings to Undersherrif McKeen, Ecklie and Vartann.) Nestor Ortega: Sergeant Adams and Officer Bell were making a routine traffic stop on a Buick. Before they were able to effect the stop, a stolen Caprice intervened. (Quick flashback to: [EXT. STREET - DAY] [All flashbacks are scenes from 6X07: A Bullet Runs Through It (1)] (A dark Caprice turns in front of the officers.) Nestor Ortega: (V.O.) Adams said they just cut him off and started firing. (Gunfire erupts from the dark Caprice.) (Additional officer cars join behind them.) Nestor Ortega: (V.O.) They were followed in pursuit by Officers Davis and Carroll and Detectives Brass and Curtis. (End of flashback.) Nestor Ortega: The, uh, Caprice TC'd during the pursuit. (Quick flashback to: The dark Caprice flips over.) Nestor Ortega: (V.O.) And they just kept firing. (The gunmen crawl out of the car and continue firing at the officers.) (End of flashback.) Vartann: We got three of them off of prints. Priors for narcotics and connections to the Mexican mafia. Conrad Ecklie: And additional set of prints from the Caprice came back to Jose Fausto, the guy shot at the motel. Undersheriff McKeen: I've heard enough about him. Why would these knuckleheads pull in front of a police car making a traffic stop and engage us in a gunfight? Nestor Ortega: If the Buick was moving drugs, maybe the Caprice was providing security, keeping the cops and rival gang members away. Conrad Ecklie: We don't have the Buick, so there's no evidence to confirm that. Undersheriff McKeen: Well, if these guys were a bunch of drug-dealing thugs, why on the news were they unarmed and we shot 'em in the back? Conrad Ecklie: Because that's what the eyewitnesses are saying. Undersheriff McKeen: Oh. And that we shot an innocent high school kid riding his bike. Conrad Ecklie: Uh, Ricardo Estevez, male Hispanic, 22, shot in the alley east of Third. (Ecklie circles the area on the map on the table.) (Quick flashback to: [ALLEY BACK OF THIRD (EAST) - DAY] The gunman in a white t-shirt is shot.) Conrad Ecklie: (V.O.) Three entrance wounds to the front torso, none to the back. (End of flashback.) Conrad Ecklie: Ballistics matched the bullets to Sergeant Carroll's gun. Recovered a .45 auto next to the body. (The overhead shows evidence marker #14 next to a gun by the body.) Nestor Ortega: Captain Brass states the suspect had it pointed at the sergeant when he came around the corner. Vartann: Now, we have eyewitnesses who claim that they saw the suspect with his hands raised just before he was shot. Undersheriff McKeen: Can we resolve this? Nestor Ortega: Sergeant Carroll partially confirms eyewitness accounts. When Captain Brass approached, he momentarily took his eyes off the suspect. When he looked back, the suspect was holding a gun. Vartann: Probably pulled it from his waistband. Conrad Ecklie: There's no evidence to place the gun in the suspect's hand at that point. Undersheriff McKeen: What about the guy in the other alley? (He circles the area on the satellite surveillance photos.) (Camera zooms into the photo for a flashback: The gunman in the black tank is shot.) Conrad Ecklie: (V.O.) Salvador Rosario, 19, also shot in the front. (End of flashback.) Conrad Ecklie: Autopsy's pending. Chemical tests show that he held a gun. You're not going to believe this. A bullet from Officer Davis' gun hit the suspect's revolver, jamming the cylinder. Undersheriff McKeen: That would mean the revolver had to be pointing at Officer Davis. Vartann: There are several eyewitnesses who claim that they saw him plant the gun on the body. Nestor Ortega: It wasn't planted. It was mishandled. Undersheriff McKeen: Mishandled by who? Nestor Ortega: Contrary to policy, Officer Davis prematurely picked up the gun. (Quick flashback to: [ALLEY BACK OF THIRD (WEST) - DAY] (Officer David picks up the gun.) Nestor Ortega: (V.O.) Detective Curtis instructed him to set it back down, which he did. Sofia Curtis: What are you doing? Put it down. Officer Davis: Sorry, I was just trying to secure his gun. (End of flashback.) Conrad Ecklie: An eyewitness seeing that certainly could misinterpret it as planting a gun. (Grissom walks in.) Undersheriff McKeen: : Please tell me you've got some good news. Grissom: I have the autopsy findings on Leandro Chavez. He died of survivable wounds. Bled out at the crime scene waiting for transport. (Quick flashback to: Leandro Chavez is shot in the thigh. He talks to the officer watching him.) Leandro Chavez: Dame una ambulanica quey. Officer: I don't speak Spanish. (End of flashback.) Vartann: There's justification for this. Undersheriff McKeen: I can't wait to hear what that is. Vartann: Paramedics prioritized transport of the injured. Downed officer first, civilians next. By the time they got to the suspect, he'd passed on. You know, just a little retroactive birth control. Conrad Ecklie: See, this is the problem that the community has with us. You don't speak Spanish, so you think they don't speak English and then when you run your mouth ... Undersheriff McKeen: All right, keep on point here. Which one of these buttheads shot Officer Bell? Grissom: We have reason to believe that Officer Bell was killed by friendly fire. (Quick flashback to: Officer Bell is shot and falls to the ground. End of flashback.) (Various photos of Officer Bell on the ground at the crime scene are shown overhead.) Grissom: It was a through-and-through, and we haven't recovered the bullet yet. It's a big crime scene. Undersheriff McKeen: Unacceptable. Get back out there and find that bullet. I don't care if it takes everybody you got working around the clock. Grissom: I said we haven't found it yet. I didn't say we weren't looking. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Grissom and Undersheriff McKeen are walking through the hallway.) Undersheriff McKeen: Just do whatever it takes to find that bullet. Don't worry about the overtime. (He glances at his watch.) As soon as day shift comes in, I'll send them out, too. (Undersherrif McKeen leaves down the hallway. Grissom meets up with Bobby Dawson and they continue down the hallway.) Bobby Dawson: Hey, Grissom. So Warrick recovered a nine-millimeter pistol from Fausto's motel room, and I matched it to the cartridge case from the kid in the hospital. I also found the kid's bike there. (Bobby Dawson turns the corner and leaves. Grissom walks into his office.) [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Grissom mutters to himself.) Grissom: Shot him in the back for his bike. Great. (Grissom moves behind his desk.) Sofia Curtis: (o.s.) Hey. (Grissom looks up and sees Sofia in his office.) Sofia Curtis: I left you a couple of messages. Grissom: Oh, yeah ... I haven't gotten to them yet. Sorry. You're on administrative leave, though. You should be home getting some rest. Sofia Curtis: Yeah, I tried. But I ... can't stop thinking about this ... this Bell shooting. Grissom: It's understandable. Sofia Curtis: Grissom, I think there may be a possibility that maybe ... I shot him. Grissom: Sofia ... we can't discuss the investigation. Sofia Curtis: (interrupts) It's, it's something I remember when I was giving my statement. Grissom: Then it's already on the record. Sofia Curtis: No, something I didn't mention. Grissom: Sofia ... Sofia Curtis: (interrupts) Please listen to me. Bell was between me and the suspect. I was shooting over his cover, which is a violation of policy. (Quick flashback to: [GUNFIRE] Sofia is firing her gun. Officer Bell falls to the ground. End of flashback.) Sofia Curtis: I was, I was just trying to stay alive. But if I did it, I ... (Sara walks into Grissom's office.) Sara: Hey, Grissom, I have a question. (She stops when she sees Sofia.) Sara: Sofia? You're on administrative leave. Sofia Curtis: I know. Sara: You should not be in this building. Sofia Curtis: I was just talking to a friend. If I can't talk to a friend, who the hell am I supposed to talk to? Sara: Any friend outside the department. Sofia Curtis: And how many friends outside of work do you have, Sara? Maybe I should go talk to my mother. Oh, no, sorry. I forgot. She's a cop, too. Sara: I can recommend a departmental psychologist. Sofia Curtis: All right, then. This was a really bad idea. I'm sorry. (Sofia turns and leaves the office.) (Sara turns and looks at Grissom.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. MOTEL - PARKING LOT -- DAY] (Detective Cavaliere walks over to Warrick.) Chris Cavaliere: Hey, listen. One of the officers searching for the shooter found an expended cartridge up there on the seventh floor. (He points to a building across the street. Warrick looks down at the bloodstain on the ground, then back up at the building.) Warrick: That would put him in the right position. (Cavaliere is already moving in that direction. Warrick follows him.) Chris Cavaliere: Freemont Street's not far. It makes for an easy escape. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MOTEL ACROSS THE STREET -- HALLWAY / ROOM -- DAY] (Detective Cavaliere and Warrick walk through the hallway. They pass by the officer standing outside the door of the room where the cartridge was found.) Warrick: (to the officer) Good job. (They walk through the main room and into the bedroom. There, on the floor is the cartridge.) (Warrick looks at the cartridge, then out the window. It's an unobstructed view to the parking lot.) Warrick: Nice. (He puts a ruler down next to the cartridge and snaps some photos of it before picking it up.) Warrick: .223 Remington. Most likely from a semi-auto. Chris Cavaliere: Didn't even bother to pick it up. Warrick: Yeah. Wasn't afraid of getting caught. I'll give it to Bobby. Have him run it through IBIS. See if the gun was used before. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MOTEL - PARKING LOT -- DAY] (Out in the parking lot, the area is bustling with observers and officers.) Cavaliere: (over radio) Vartann, this is Cavaliere. We've recovered an expended .223 cartridge case from a building overlooking the motel. It's on its way to the lab now. Scene here is secure. Patrol just called. They found a 411-a behind 5203 Maryland Parkway. Sounds like it might be the Buick Regal. I'm going to head over there now. (Inside the car, Brass is listening to the police band radio.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEYWAY -- DAY] (Officer cars block the alleyway. In the center is a smoking car burned to a crisp.) Chris Cavaliere: Buick Regal, no plates. You run the VIN? Patrol Officer: Yeah. It came up stolen. Chris Cavaliere: Yeah. It's a good chance this is the car we're looking for. (He looks inside.) Chris Cavaliere: Yep. Torched it to destroy any evidence. Let's get this thing towed back to the lab, okay? Patrol Officer: You got it. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET - DAY] (Sergeant Adams is with Nestor Ortega and Catherine. They're walking through the EASY AUTO PARTS parking lot as Sergeant Adams shows them what happened.) Nestor Ortega: Sergeant Adams, this is your standard after-shooting walk through, okay? Now I want you to describe to us exactly what happened yesterday morning. Sgt. Adams: We were southbound on Roosevelt. Bell observed a male and female Hispanic having a domestic dispute. Catherine: Where were they? Sgt. Adams: Over in that last spot. (Quick flashback to: A man grabs a pregnant woman by her hair and pushes her into he car.) Sgt. Adams: (V.O.) They got out of a green Geo Metro. Walked this way. By the time we'd turned around, they'd gotten into the Buick Regal. (End of flashback.) Sgt. Adams: They were driving away. She was pregnant, about to pop, just like Bell's wife. He said we should pull 'em over. Nestor Ortega: Which way'd they go? Sgt. Adams: Southbound on Roosevelt. As soon as we turned on Desert Springs, the Caprice cut us off. Nestor Ortega: Okay, thanks. Hey, hang around for about a minute or two, okay? I'll give you a ride home. (Sgt. Adams steps aside as Ortega turns to Catherine.) Nestor Ortega: Your thoughts? Catherine: I wonder if that camera works. (Catherine points to the security camera nearby. Ortega turns to look.) Nestor Ortega: Well, it's worth checking out. Come on. I'll even let you buy me a donut. (Ortega walks out of camera frame.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (The bullets gathered from the crime scenes are lined up on the table and labeled. Also on the table is a clipboard and photos of the crime scene area.) (Greg writes down something on one of the photos.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Grissom walks into the lab from the hallway. Greg reports.) Greg: I got to the end of my road. Grissom: And? Greg: Well, the suspect started shooting near the intersection of Jefferson and Desert Springs. That's nearly 20 blocks north of the crime scene. All ammo evidence was 7.62-millimeter casings and bullets. Grissom: Only AK ammo? No police cartridge cases or bullets? Greg: Not one out of 233 items. But cops don't get to shoot car-to-car, only bad guys do, right? (Hodges walks into the room.) Hodges: Oh, hey, Greg. Been on vacation? (to Grissom) Look, I know the undersheriff's on your back, so I figured I better get to you quick. (He shows Grissom the file folder.) Grissom: Okay, you got to me. Hodges: Found red clay chips and dust in the gouges on Ricardo Estevez's .45. (He hands the report to Grissom. The report reads: RED 7.5 NONE 1.5mn None 9 mm N/A N/A SYNTH RED CLAY, CONSISTENT OF ROOF TILES, POTTERY Hodges: He was the guy that was in the east alley with Brass. Grissom: Red clay chips? Hodges: Traces consistent with roof tiles and clay pots. Greg: Who keeps their gun in a clay pot? Hodges: That would be no one. Trace evidence is fresh, so it definitely came from the alley. In a crisis, you can always count on me. (Hodges leaves.) Greg: Doesn't he bug you? Grissom: No more so than anyone else around here. (Grissom leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MAIN CRIME SCENE -- DAY] (Various members of Forensics are removing bullets embedded in walls and other areas. Officers are there looking around and gathering anything that may be a part of the investigation.) (Sara is sitting in the back of the SUV. Grissom walks up to her. He's got a ladder slung over his shoulder.) Grissom: Sara? Will you come with me to the east alley, please? Sara: I thought my top priority as per the undersheriff was finding the bullet that went through Bell. Grissom: Well, this is per me. Come on. It'll be fun. Sara: (shrugs) Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THIRD (EAST) - DAY] (Grissom uses a ladder to climb up to examine a roof of a nearby building. He sees some clay roof tiles.) (Quick flashback to: [LAB - DAY] Hodges scrapes the clay off the gun handle. End of flashback.) Grissom: Sara? Sara: Yeah? Grissom: Call Hodges at the lab. Have him bring two exemplar .45s out here. I'll get Ortega to bring Brass and Sergeant Carroll. Sara: Are ... you gonna tell me what's going on? Grissom: What goes up ... must come down. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THIRD (EAST) - DAY] (Ortega, Brass, Officer Carroll and Hodges are in the alley with Grissom and Sara.) Grissom: So, where exactly was Estevez standing when you guys saw him? Brass: Right there, facing this way. Officer Carroll: That's right. Grissom: And he had a gun in his hand. Brass: He had a gun in his hand. Officer Carroll: And I shot a, uh, armed suspect who'd been shooting at the police, sir. Grissom: I believe you. But the witnesses may also be right. Brass: Look, don't make this some intellectual exercise for your own personal amusement. Grissom: Check it out. Hodges, stand over here. Hodges: Yes, sir. (Hodges moves to position.) Right here. Grissom: See that roof? Hodges: It's red clay. Grissom: Toss one of the guns up there. Hodges: Actually, they're Bobby Dawson's guns. He made me sign for them -- I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate if we brought them back damaged. Grissom: Technically, they're my guns -- so toss one up there. Hodges: Just for the record, I've never really been good at sports. Grissom: Sara? Sara: Yeah. (Sara moves into position. Hodges gives her one of the guns. She tosses the gun up onto the roof.) (Quick flashback to: Ricardo Estevez partially climbs the fence and tosses the gun up onto the roof. It stops there. End of flashback.) Nestor Ortega: How does that prove the guy tossed the gun up there? You recovered it from the ground. Grissom: There's a cracked tile up on the roof. I found a series of scratches stretching from the cracked tile to the end of the roof. Hodges: I found scratches and red clay dust in the suspect's 5. Grissom: It explains how the witnesses could see Estevez with his hands up, and Sergeant Carroll then saw him with a gun in his hand. Nestor Ortega: The gun's still up there. Grissom: Sara ... (Hodges hands Grissom the second gun.) Grissom: Try it again. (Sara tosses the gun up onto the roof.) (Quick flashback to: Officer Carroll turns into the alley and runs toward Ricardo Estevez, who is partially up the fence.) Officer Carroll: Stop! Police! Get down! (Ricardo Estevez climbs down the fence.) Officer Carroll: Don't move. (Officer Carroll hears a sound and turns to see Brass enter the alley behind him. The gun slides down the roof and Ricardo catches it.) (Officer Carroll turns back to see Ricardo holding the gun. He's shot several times.) (End of flashback.) (Just then, the gun Sara threw up the roof slides down. She catches it.) (Brass and Officer Carroll both sigh.) Grissom: There you have it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Catherine and Ecklie are reviewing the donut shop security video.) (On the video, the Buick Regal enters the parking lot and parks.) Catherine: There's the Geo Metro. There's the Buick Regal. (The man and the pregnant woman get out of the car.) Conrad Ecklie: Oh, she's pregnant, all right. Doesn't look like she wants to go with him. Catherine: He's not giving her much choice. So, just how bad was the meeting with the undersheriff? Conrad Ecklie: Worse than the dentist. Better than the proctologist. Catherine: Mm. (On the video, the man checks the back tire rim.) Conrad Ecklie: What's he doing? Catherine: Looks like he's pulling out a hide-a-key. (Catherine enhances the portion of video.) Conrad Ecklie: Means the car was waiting for them. Catherine: Whatever they were about to do, they weren't going to do it in the Metro. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Nick is looking through the burned Buick. Catherine walks in.) Catherine: Hey, Nick? Nick: Hey. Catherine: Have you checked the inside of the wheel wells? Nick: No. I was having too much fun in here. Catherine: Oh, yeah, I can see that. Um, well ... since you're already dirty, would you mind checking out the left rear one for me? Nick: Yeah, sure. Catherine: Thank you. Nick: What are you looking for? Catherine: I am looking for something to hide a key in. Nick: Okay. Although, most hide-a-keys are held on with a magnet, which would've been demagnetized by the heat of the gasoline fire. Catherine: Right. (He checks and doesn't find anything.) Nick: Nope. Catherine: Well, it probably fell off at the location. Nick: Maybe. Auto transport usually sweeps up the debris. Good luck with that. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY / LAB -- DAY] (Catherine carries the paint pail bucket labeled AUTO DETAIL into the lab.) (She empties the bucket and goes through the debris from the site.) (She finds the key holder.) (She opens it and removes the cover.) (She puts on some goggles and scans it under the ALS. She finds a print.) (Quick flashback to: [EXT. PARKING LOT -- DAY] The man puts the key holder back under the tire rim. End of flashback.) (Camera holds on Catherine.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SIDEWALK -- DAY] (Sofia jogs down the sidewalk and is haunted by the memory of the shooting.) INTERCUT WITH: (Quick flashbacks of: [SHOOTOUT] From Sofia's POV, we see Officer Bell's back as he stands up and is hit by the bullet. He turns around and looks at her.) (Officer Bell falls.) (Sofia continues running.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) My son was riding his bike to school. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - GERALDO'S ROOM] (Mrs. Zamesca sits next to her son's bed.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) Today he's in a coma. But ... [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- DAY] (Danilo Zamesca is on tv during a press conference. The officers watch. ) Danilo Zamesca: ... when he wakes up, when he ... opens his eyes again and smiles at his mother, he will see all the ... flowers and cards that he's been sent from total strangers wishing him well and ... praying for his recovery. Sheriff Burdick h-hasn't called. I've left so many messages I've lost count. It's inconvenient, I know, but I have questions. Who did this to my son? Why did they do it? No one wants to answer me? If the cops didn't shoot him, why won't they talk to me? If I have to go to court to find out, if I have to sue each and every officer involved, I'll do it. I will put the sheriff in front of a jury and get my answers there. (Out in the hallway, Undersheriff McKeen watches the news report. His phone rings; he answers it.) Undersheriff McKeen: (to phone) McKeen. Yes, sir. I saw the news. I still think we should wait to issue a statement, at least until the lab has something concrete. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB - DAY] (Hodges, Bobby Dawson and Sara are in the lab.) Bobby Dawson: Hodges, it's not so much that these guns are my babies, okay? It's just that in order to replace them, I got to go to property, got to locate another gun, fill out all that paperwork, so all I'm saying is, I would appreciate not being left out of the loop, okay? Hodges: I'm only a soldier in this war. The general gave me an order, and I followed it. Bobby Dawson: Whatever. Hodges: I've finished checking this batch for trace. (Warrick steps into the lab.) Warrick: Bobby, police said they entered my cartridge case from the sniper into IBIS. Bobby Dawson: It has become my priority, or so I was informed by Undersheriff McKeen -- give me about an hour? Warrick: Okay. (Warrick leaves.) (Hodges takes a swab from a bullet. He tests it.) Hodges: I got blood. Sara: Where's it from? Hodges: Expended bullet, Torres house, candle in the living room. Sara: That's our through-and-through. Bobby Dawson: Looks like a copper-jacketed nine-millimeter, consistent with cop ammo. (Quick flashback of: [SHOOTOUT] Various cuts of the officers shooting. Officer Bell is hit. He grunts from the impact.) (CGI EFX: The bullet zooms through Officer Bell and across the street and into the Torres' window. It smashes through the glass, goes through the living room and hits the candle on the shelf, embedding in the wax.) (End of flash.) Sara: Brass, Sofia, Adams, Davis and Carroll were all shooting nines. Compare it with their firearms ASAP. I'm gonna go tell Grissom. (Bobby nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Grissom walks up to the burned Buick and looks at it. Nick notices him.) Nick: Looking for something? (Grissom holds up the bagged hubcap.) Grissom: At least this car still has a nice hubcap. Nick: Where'd you find that? Grissom: On the pursuit route, Jefferson, about ten blocks north of Third. Nick: (nods) Well, I've been through this car twice. There's no evidence of cartridge casings, blood, drugs of any kind. So there was nothing here to begin with, they cleaned it out pretty good before they torched it. (Sara enters the room.) Sara: Hey, Nick, Grissom. We found the through-and-through bullet. Bobby's doing a comparison. I sent a sample of blood to DNA. (Grissom sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. DINER -- DAY] (Sofia sits at a table staring out at nothing.) Brass: (o.s.) Hey. (She looks up as Brass joins her.) Brass: I'm glad you called. I've been thinking about you. Sofia Curtis: Good. Yeah, I wasn't sure. Brass: How you doing? Sofia Curtis: I've gone a little crazy. Brass: Yeah. It's the waiting. Sofia Curtis: Yeah. Brass: You know, I've beensuspended or disciplined like six or seven times, and it's always the same, the waiting. What you never forget is that you know a police officer lost his life. (Quick flashbacks of: [SHOOTOUT] From Sofia's POV, we see Officer Bell's back as he stands up and is hit by the bullet. He turns around and looks at her.) (End of flashback.) Sofia Curtis: I have seen it so many times, I don't know if it's real or not. (Quick flashback of: Officer Bell falls. End of flashback.) Sofia Curtis: Jim, it's like he's looking at me -- like as if he ... as if he knew. (Quick flashback of: Officer Bell falls. End of flashback.) Brass: Sofia, you got to get it out of your head; that's poison. Sofia Curtis: You telling me you're not thinking about it? Brass: Oh, I'm thinking; I'm thinking about a lot of stuff. (On the television monitor over the counter, the coroners remove a body on a gurney. The body is covered with a white sheet.) (Sofia can't take her eyes off the TV. Brass turns to see what she's looking at.) Reporter: (from tv) ... an officer killed in the cross-fire ... (Brass takes a sip from his cup.) Brass: Let me tell you something. You know, when I was a young cop in Jersey, there was this kid -- responded to an all shots fired. Never got a radio call, never knew what hit him. I was the first officer on the scene -- a patrolman, too. You know, it tore up the department pretty good. Everybody was all twisted and ... but we managed somehow to ... I don't know, get through it, some way. Sofia Curtis: Who shot him? Brass: It really doesn't matter. Sofia Curtis: It does matter. I could see Bell's face when I was shooting him, which means I was ... I was shooting near him. I made a mistake. I shouldn't have fired. Brass: No, come on. It was chaos. You were just responding to a situation. It was instinct, it was training. (As Brass talks, two officers walk into the diner. Sofia imagines they're talking about them.) Brass: No. Don't, don't think that way. (The officer looks up straight at Sofia. Brass turns to see what she's looking at. The two officers take their order and leave the diner.) Sofia Curtis: I'm always going to be the cop who shot a cop. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY] (Nestor Ortega, Catherine and several officers approach the driveway with the green Metro.) Nestor Ortega: There's the green Geo Metro. (to the officers) Okay, you come with me. You two cover the back. Stay with her. (The officers head for the front door.) Nestor Ortega: Police! We have a search warrant! Open up! (The side window smashes and someone crawls out. Catherine sees him and shouts to the officers.) Catherine: Hey! (The officer with Catherine chases the suspect.) Catherine: Suspect on the run! (The suspect runs to the back and starts climbing the fence. The officer reaches him, grabs him and pulls him down.) (A second officer arrives.) Officer: Get him. Get him. (They apprehend the suspect.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: (The two officers walk out with the suspect in handcuffs between them.) (Another officer escorts the girlfriend out of the house. She, too, is in handcuffs and she's no longer pregnant.) Officer: Okay, come on. We have her, Detective. Catherine: Wow. You had the baby and got your figure back in one day. Nestor Ortega: That's impossible. Believe me, I know. My wife's had five kids. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- DAY] (Warrick checks his sandwich as Sara quietly watches.) Warrick: (groans) Oh, Tina, baby -- no. Peanut butter without the jelly? She's trying to get me to cut down on sugar. But this is ridiculous. (Sara gives him half of her sandwich.) Sara: Here. Warrick: Thanks. Sara: Do you ever want to be a cop? Warrick: Every time I get a speeding ticket, yeah. Sara: No, I mean like guns and car chases and "put your back against the wall," that kind of stuff. Warrick: No, I prefer the scientific side of law enforcement. Sara: Me, too. (Warrick's phone rings; he answers it.) Warrick: (to phone) Brown. Hey, Catherine. INTERCUT WITH: [EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD -- DAY] (Catherine is holding the 'pregnant woman' padding.) Catherine: We got the couple driving the Buick. Female wasn't pregnant. She was a mule. Warrick: Really. Catherine: Found her rig for transporting narco inside the house, and unless these guys were in the mail order business, I think they were being shipped drugs. (She looks at the box #834662324880 with the label that reads: FROM: ETHAN KEISO 702-555-0160 32 POINT VIEW LAS VEGAS NV 89120 TO: BIANCA GUERRO 702-555-???? Warrick: And delivering them to the guys up the food chain. Catherine: Yeah. Warrick: You think these are the same guys who whacked Fausto? Catherine: It's the best lead we've got. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Nestor Ortega questions Bianca Guerro. Her lawyer and Catherine are there.) Nestor Ortega: You were a passenger in a stolen vehicle that failed to yield to the police. We've also connected you to a drug ring which was responsible for the death of a police officer. Miss Guerro? You're looking at prison time, so think about it. Whatever you could tell us about these guys will be in your best interest. Catherine: Surveillance footage from Angie's Donut Shop shows you carrying drugs and getting into the delivery car. That alone gets you ten years. Nestor Ortega: Okay, this is your last chance for your client to help herself out. (Bianca Guerro confers with her lawyer.) Bianca Guerro: You don't understand. We had no choice. They would have killed us. Nestor Ortega: Who would've killed you? Bianca Guerro: There is nothing that you can do to me that is worse than what they can do. I'm done. I'm not talking no more. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 2 - DAY] (Cavaliere interviews Carlos Contranos with his lawyer. Warrick is there.) Chris Cavaliere: Mr. Contranos has served time for narcotics possession. He's been deported three times for entering the country illegally. This time, we're going to throw away the key. Lawyer: Mr. Contranos has no interest in speaking to you. Warrick: We're talking about the difference between life without parole and the needle, here. Lawyer: He's prepared to do his time. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - DAY] (Warrick walks into Grissom's office.) Warrick: Grissom, I managed to get a hit off of that sniper's cartridge case. Links up to a drug rip-off in L.A. last year -- unsolved. Grissom: What about the phone records from the motel? Warrick: Fausto made one call about an hour before he died. We ran it down to a disposable mobile phone. (Ecklie walks in.) Conrad Ecklie: So is there anything I can tell the undersheriff? Grissom: Yeah. Dead end on Fausto. Conrad Ecklie: You tell him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO DNA LAB -- DAY] (Grissom walks through the hallway and heads to the DNA Lab where Wendy Simms reports her findings.) Wendy Simms: I got your results from the blood on the bullet. It definitely belongs to Officer Bell. (She hands the results to Grissom.) Wendy Simms: This is my first deceased police officer. I heard that his wife is pregnant. Grissom: Wendy, you understand that this is confidential. Wendy Simms: Yes, sir. Grissom: And you can't discuss it, even with your coworkers. Wendy Simms: I understand what this means. (He nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB -- DAY] (Bobby Dawson reports his findings to Grissom.) Bobby Dawson: Hey. Warrick tell you about the IBIS hit? Grissom: Yeah. How are you doing with Bell's bullet? Bobby Dawson: I was confirming my findings. Don't want to make any mistakes. Grissom: Does that mean you have results? Bobby Dawson: The bullet has the right GRC's for a Sig-sauer. Sergeant Adams carries a Beretta. Carroll, too. Davis has a Glock, so that rules him out. However, both detectives Brass and Curtis carry Sigs. But take a look. (He turns the monitor toward Grissom to look at a close-up of the bullet.) Grissom: There's hardly any jacket left. Bobby Dawson: Means there's almost no chance of identifying that to a specific gun. Grissom: What if you had more time? Could you do it? Bobby Dawson: Sorry, boss. I mean, there's just no way I can tell you who shot Officer Bell. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Catherine looks at the delivery box. Ecklie is in the lab with her.) Catherine: You know, based on the dates of these address labels, it appears that Carlos and Bianca were receiving two to three drug shipments a day. Conrad Ecklie: So the dogs hit on the boxes? Catherine: Yes, and Narco found trace amounts of cocaine, for whatever that's worth. Well, the return addresses are all bogus, the couple is not talking, and all four suspects are dead. There's nothing more we can do. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] [EXT. MAIN CRIME SCENE -- DAY] (Grissom and the team are back at the crime scene.) Grissom: Okay, Nick, the Cruiser's right front tire is 19 feet, 5 inches from the south curb. (Nick measures the distance. He motions for the car to move forward and to stop.) Grissom: Sara, the detective unit's left front tire is five feet two inches from the south curb. (Sara measures the distance and the second car moves into position.) Grissom: All right. Nick, you be Brass. Sara, you be Sofia. Sara: Good. Grissom: I'll be Bell. Officer Bell was crouched down behind his door. (Grissom kneels down behind the door.) (Quick flashback to: The shootout begins. The gunmen fire. Officer Bell, kneeling behind his car door, fires.) (End of flashback.) (Grissom is behind his door.) (Sara positions herself behind her door. She can't see Grissom.) Sara: Griss -- ? I can't see you from here. You're blocked by both cars. Nick: Yeah, me either. I'd have to shoot through both cars to get to you. I processed them both -- no shots entered from the back. (Grissom thinks about it, then stands up.) Grissom: Can you see me here? Sara: Yeah, I can see you. Nick: Yeah, now. Sara: What would make Bell stand up in the middle of a gunfight? Grissom: Maybe he had to change positions. We know that the suspects were starting to run, right? Nick: Okay, he popped up, took one in the vest. Grissom: Let's assume that. We'll line up the exit trajectories with the apartment window, and we'll use lasers, but we may have to wait until it's dark. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MAIN CRIME SCENE -- DAY] (It's dark. Grissom has a dummy positioned where Officer Bell stood behind his car door. In the dummy's neck is a laser rod.) Sara: (to phone) We're turning on the lasers. Is the candle in position? (Inside the Torres' residence, Greg is in the living room and on the phone.) Greg: (to phone) I'm ready on this end. Sara: (to phone) Let me know when the beam hits the candle. (to Grissom) Good to go! (Down on the street, Grissom turns the laser light on.) (In the Torres' apartment, Greg keeps his eye on the beam.) Greg: (to phone) Uh ... good height. Move it six inches to the left. Sara: (to Grissom) Six inches to the left. (Grissom moves the beam. Greg turns and sees the light going in the wrong direction, away from the candle.) Greg: (to phone) Oh, no, no. My left. Sara: (to Grissom) He meant the other left. Greg: A little more. Little more. (The beam hits the candle.) Right there. Sara: Perfect. (to phone) I'll call you back. Grissom: Okay, we got the exit. Now we need the entrance. Sara, turn your laser on. (Sara turns her laser on. Grissom can't find the beam. He holds up his hand and sees the beam is completely off.) Sara: The path of my laser is off. Grissom: Yeah, it's a bad angle. Move it to the left. (Sara tries, but can't.) Sara: Gris ... Grissom: Hmm? Sara: It's blocked by the car. It's not possible. Grissom: Turn it off. Nick, turn yours on. Nick: Mine's been on the whole time. It's still blocked. Grissom: Raise it up. (Nick raises the laser. It hits the dummy perfectly. Grissom and Nick both look at the path of the beams.) Nick: He stood up. (Quick flashback to: [SHOOTOUT] Brass fires. As the suspect runs, Brass stands. He follows the line of sight of the suspect running.) (He fires.) (And hits Officer Bell in the neck.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Everyone is silent.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BRASS' RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Grissom sits in his car waiting for Brass. Brass steps out and gets into the car.) Brass: Hey. Well, your call was a little cryptic. Must've got the results from the ballistics test. Grissom: We did, but it was inconclusive, so I went back to the intersection and ran a reconstruction. Brass: Well, I don't know how you reconstruct a war zone. You have no idea what it was like. I mean, it was a firefight. Have you talked to Sofia? Grissom: It wasn't Sofia. You must have stood up ... fired at the suspects over the black and whites. Officer Bell stood up at the same time, right into your line of fire. Fausto shot him in the vest, which spun him a little. At the same time, you hit him in the neck. Brass: (sighs) Oh, I-I swear, I was behind the car, I ... I-I stood up? Grissom: Sheriff wants me to present our findings at a community meeting in an hour. (Brass sighs.) Brass: Don't keep 'em waiting. (Brass gets out of the car and leaves. He slams the car door behind him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OFFICE -- DAY] (Nestor Ortega talks with Sofia.) Nestor Ortega: I just received a report from the shooting review board. You've been cleared. (He gives her back her gun and her badge.) You can go back to work. Sofia Curtis: Thank you. (She takes her gun and her badge off the desk.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COMMUNITY CHURCH (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. COMMUNITY CHURCH -- DAY] (The church is filled with every seat taken. Reporters line the back. Grissom is standing up front to deliver his report.) Grissom: Hello. My name is Dr. Gil Grissom. I'm the night shift supervisor for the Las Vegas Police Department's Crime Lab. I'm not a police officer; I'm a scientist. Man: You work for the cops. That makes you a cop. You're not on our side. (The audience clamors. Grissom waits for them to quiet down.) Grissom: Actually, I'm a forensics expert. My job is to identify, collect, and examine physical evidence from a crime scene, to determine who did what to whom and how did they do it. I've been asked to come here today by the mayor and Sheriff Burdick to present our analysis of the evidence in this case to your community. Woman: Why aren't they here? Why should we believe your evidence? Grissom: Physical evidence cannot be wrong. It doesn't lie. It's not influenced by emotion or prejudice. It's ... it's not confused by the excitement of the moment. I'm here, in God's house, to explain to you the truth about exactly what happened the other day. I'd like to start by showing you some photos. (Grissom shows the bullet on screen.) This is a bullet that was recovered from the Kevlar vest of Officer Daniel Bell, now deceased. (Danilo Zamesca stands up.) Danilo Zamesca: (interrupts) What about my son? What-what does the evidence say about my son? Grissom: Okay, if you like, we can start there. Danilo Zamesca: Please. (Grissom moves over to the second display.) Grissom: This photo is a comparison of two cartridge cases. The one on the right was found next to your son. The one on the left was test-fired from Jose Fausto's pistol. As you can see, there are corresponding individual marks on both cartridges. These are unique, like fingerprints. It means that they were fired from the same gun. It proves that while attempting to escape from the police ... Jose Fausto shot your son Geraldo in the back. Danilo Zamesca: Why would he do that? Grissom: We recovered your son's bicycle from Jose Fausto's motel room. Your son was on his way to football practice. (Quick flashback to: [EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY] Geraldo Zamesca is on his bike and riding down the sidewalk. Jose Fausto shoots him in the back. End of flashback.) Grissom: It appears that Jose Fausto shot your son so he could use his bike. (Danilo Zamesca is quiet. He sits down.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEVADA MOUNTAINS (STOCK) -- DAY] [EXT. COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. BELL RESIDENCE - DAY] (The side table is filled with framed family photos. The house is filled with family and friends there to support Tracy Bell and her family.) (In the foyer is a large framed photo of Officer Bell in uniform.) (Brass walks in. He's dressed in uniform as well.) (Undersheriff McKeen is talking with Nestor Ortega. They both notice Brass. Brass removes his hat.) (Sofia walks up to him.) Sofia Curtis: Jim, I was just on my way out, but if you want me to stay ... Brass: No, I-I think I can handle it. I think. Thanks. Sofia Curtis: Okay. (Sofia leaves. Brass walks in. The officers there clear away from him as he makes his way around the room. No one approaches him.) (Brass sits down and puts his hand down on the seat next to him. The other officers stare at him. Brass fiddles nervously with his fingers.) (Nestor Ortega takes the seat next to Brass.) Nestor Ortega: The shooting review board wants to talk to you. You're going to have to explain your tactical decision for shooting in the direction of a fellow officer. Brass: I'm ready when they are. Nestor Ortega: As far as I'm concerned, there's no question ... it was a bad shoot. Brass: I'll have to live with that. (Nestor Ortega stands up and leaves.) (Brass looks over and sees Tracy Bell in the next room drying her tears. She steps out and heads into the main room.) (Just then, Jeannie Bell skips and trips in front of Brass. He quickly reaches out and catches her from falling.) Brass: Oh, whoa! Hey. What's your name? Jeannie Bell: Jeannie. Brass: Well, that's a pretty name. (Tracy sees Brass with Jeannie and smiles.) Is that your mom over there? (Jeannie nods.) Brass: Huh? Okay, be careful, Jeannie ... (The officer standing next to Tracy leans over and whispers into her ear. Tracy looks over at Brass. Brass stands up and walks over to her.) (The room gets quiet as everyone watches them. Tracy walks up to Brass.) Brass: Mrs. Bell ... I'm Jim Brass. Tracy Bell: I know. Brass: (voice breaking) I want you to know ... if there's, um ... if there's any, um ... (She holds up her hand and stops him.) (She reaches out and holds him as she cries.) Tracy Bell: (whispers) I know it wasn't your fault. Brass: (crying) I ... I'm ... I'm so sorry.

The CSI's continue to sift through the overwhelming evidence from the shootout in order to determine who is responsible for the death of a police officer killed during the incident. The team also looks into what started the shootout to begin with. They must also prove that the young boy found injured near the shootout was not shot by police, but by the fleeing suspect.

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_03x05

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_03x05_0

Prologue: The Bronze. Buffy, Willow and Oz are sitting at a bar, nursing sodas and snacks. Buffy seems preoccupied as she idly plays with a cookie. Cordelia and Xander walk behind them and take a place at the end of the bar. Cordelia: I think we should get a limo. Xander: A limo? Cordelia: Yeah! Xander: A big, expensive limo? Willow: That sounds like fun! And it is our last Homecoming Dance, so maybe we should make a big deal of it. Xander: You wanna talk fun? Public bus. You meet the funnest people. Cordelia gives the others a disbelieving look. Xander: Back me up here, Oz. Oz: Well, if it's a dollar issue, we could all take my van. Cordelia: Van? The Homecoming Queen doesn't go to the dance in a van. Use your head. Willow rolls her eyes. Xander: (to Cordelia) Well, technically, you haven't been elected yet... (gets a look from her) Although you certainly and without a doubt will be. (to the others) Who else likes a limo? Willow: (smiles) A private limo! It, it is pretty... (nudges up to Oz) cuddlesome. (looks toward Buffy) And if we all split the cost... Buffy: (comes out of her reverie) Um... maybe. You know, if I go and all. Willow: Why wouldn't you go? You already have your tickets. (Scott approaches) I mean, unless you don't have a da... (notices Scott) ...ay o-or two to think about it. We should all think about it. She hopes she hasn't messed anything up for Buffy with Scott standing right there. Oz gives a little smirk behind her. Cordelia: (confused) What's going on here? Did Scott not ask her to the Homecoming Dance yet? Buffy: (embarrassed) Thanks, Cordelia. Humiliation's really good for my color. Scott: (unsure) Oh, um... well, no. I just... I assumed that you would think it was corny or something, but I-I'm in... I mean, you know, if you are, if you want to. Buffy: Uh, sure... I do. You know, i-if you want to. Scott: Well, I do if you want to. Willow smiles widely. Oz: (smiles) The judges will accept that as a 'yes'. Scott: (to Buffy) Do you want me to get you another drink? Buffy: Um... no, actually. Uh... I-I'm a little tired. I think I'm gonna call it a night. But I'm excited about the dance. (smiles) Scott: Me, too. Buffy leans toward him, tugs gently on his jacket and they kiss. Cut to Angel's mansion. Cut inside. There is a fire going in the fireplace. Angel walks past it, and the camera follows him. He is shivering from the cold. He stops and paces back. He turns to go back again, but is startled by some rustling in the atrium. Slowly he walks to the doorway. He quickly whips the drapes aside, and there he finds Buffy, holding a small paper bag. He jumps back a little, startled. Buffy: I-it's just me. (holds out the bag) Here. Angel takes the bag and opens it as he walks back into the room. Buffy follows him in, but keeps her distance. Angel remains faced away from her. He pulls a quart-sized clear plastic container out of the bag. It's filled with blood. Angel lifts it to his nose and sniffs. Buffy: How are you feeling? Angel jerks his head away slightly from the tub of blood, then lowers it to take off the lid. Angel: It hurts... less. Buffy: Good. She is unsure how to continue. She turns around and takes a few steps away before facing him again. Buffy: I haven't... told Giles and the others that... you're back. Angel: (quietly) Giles... He remains faced away from her. Buffy: And I'm not going to. They wouldn't understand that you're... better. A-a-and I'm gonna keep helping you get better. It's just that everything's different now. I'm a senior. I'm really working harder in school. (smirks slightly) I'm even thinking about college. A-and I'm involved with someone. This causes Angel to turn around and give her a surprised look. Buffy startles and takes a step back. He reaches out and straightens the lapel of her leather jacket. Buffy takes it from him, and he lets go. He turns away again, wincing from his body aches as he does so. Buffy: His name is Scott. He's a nice, solid guy. He makes me happy... and that's what I need: someone I can count on. The camera suddenly pans quickly to the left, blurring the picture, and comes to a stop on Scott at an outside hall at school the next day. Scott: I don't think we should see each other anymore. Buffy: (taken aback) You don't? (confused) When did this happen? Where was I? Scott: Buffy, it's just... Before we were going out, you, you seemed so... full of life, like a force of nature. Now you just seem distracted all the time, and... Buffy: (interrupts) Yeah, I know, it's... I'm getting better. Honest. In fact, from here on, you are gonna see a drastic distraction reduction. Scott doesn't react at all to her attempt at a joke. Buffy: 'Drastic distraction reduction.' Try saying that ten times fast. Scott: I'm really sorry. He starts walking away sadly. Buffy just watches him go as the camera pulls back from her. Cut to a view of her through a pair of binoculars. She is still watching Scott walk away. Cut to a van with darkly tinted windows in a parking lot. The camera closes in on it. Cut inside the van. The man looking through the binoculars lowers them and stares intensely out of the window. Behind him another man steps around him, also looking out the window. The first man raises the binoculars back to his eyes, and the second man attaches a digital video feed to it. Behind them the binocular's view of Buffy appears on three small screens. The second man reaches over to a modem set up below the monitors. It is attached to a cell phone, which he opens, and he presses a button to establish a connection. The speed dial sends the tones out in a split second. Cut to a similar modem in a dark office. The tones and screeches of the connection protocol quickly establish a link. The camera pans up and back until we see an old man in a wheelchair roll up to the desk by the keyboard of the computer connected to the modem. He hits a few keys and looks up at the monitor. Boss: Is that her? Trick: (steps into view) In the nubile flesh, my friend. The camera shows a view of Buffy on the monitor as she walks slowly and sadly. Trick: That's the target. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale City Hall. Cut inside. Deputy Mayor Allan Finch is waiting nervously outside of Mayor Wilkins' office. Secretary: The Mayor will see you now. Allan takes a deep breath to compose himself, and heads for the Mayor's door. Cut inside the office. Allan opens the door and steps in holding a folder in his hand. He glances at the Mayor's desk, but doesn't see him there. He turns his head and sees him coming out of his private washroom. The Mayor's hands come into the camera's view as he vigorously dries them off. Allan: I'm sorry to bother you, sir. (closes the door behind him) Mayor Wilkins: I'm not bothered, Allan. (goes to his desk) Allan: (steps toward the desk) Well, I-I'm not sure how serious this is, but, uh, (opens the folder) they were spotted in town three days ago. (lays the open folder on the desk) I've just been informed. Frederick and Hans Gruenstahler, uh, (the Mayor picks up a copy of the Interpol warrant) wanted in Germany for capital murder, terrorism, uh, (the Mayor sniffs the paper) the bombing of Flight 1402... Uh, I should have brought it to your attention sooner, but I'd, I'd wanted to... (flustered by the Mayor's sniffing) confirm... The Mayor takes another sniff. Mayor Wilkins: Would you show me your hands, please? Allan: (raises his eyebrows) Sir? Mayor Wilkins: (insistently) Your hands. He puts the warrant back down, pushes the file aside and indicates that Allan should put his hands on the desk. Allan holds out his hands and slowly leans over, placing them flat on the desk. The Mayor leans closer to inspect them. Allan nervously watches the Mayor, who draws a breath after looking them over. Mayor Wilkins: I think they could be cleaner. Allan: Of course, sir. I-I mean, I, I washed them, but... The Mayor leans back in his chair. Allan looks like he's about to have a nervous breakdown. Mayor Wilkins: After every meal and under your fingernails. Dirt gets trapped there... and germs... and mayonnaise. My dear mother said, 'cleanliness is next to godliness', and I believed her. She never caught a cold. (laughs) I'd like these two (points at the warrant) to be put under surveillance, (Allan straightens back up) and I'd like to know if... any other colorful characters have come to town. Allan: I'll take care of it. (smiles weakly) Mayor Wilkins: You have all my faith. Allan takes a step back from the Mayor's desk and walks out just a bit creeped out. Cut to Sunnydale High. Cut to the lounge. Yearbook pictures are being taken. Cordelia gives the camera a glowing smile, and her picture is taken. Xander is up next, and he gives the camera a goofy, heavily dimpled smile as the flash goes off. Willow hops up on the stool and gives the camera a big grin. When the photographer doesn't immediately snap her picture, her expression becomes a bit concerned, and such will be her picture in the yearbook. Oz just stares blankly into the camera with a thin smile on his face. After their pictures are taken, Xander and Willow start to walk out of the lounge. Willow: You have to help me pick an outfit. I wanna wear something that makes Oz go, 'Oh.' (grins) Xander: No problem. I got the tux goin' on. I'm gonna look hot if it even remotely fits. They reach Cordelia, who is looking at the other girls that are running for Homecoming Queen. Xander: Whatcha doin'? Cordelia: (startles and faces him) Checking out the I-laughingly-use- the-phrase competition. She looks over at Holly, playing with her hair and talking to a couple of boys. Oz comes up behind Willow and gently puts his arm around her. Cordelia: Holly Charleston: nice girl, brain dead, doesn't have a prayer. She shifts her gaze to Michelle, who is handing out campaign flyers. Cordelia: Michelle Blake: open to all mankind, especially those with a letterman's jacket and a car. (looks at Xander, concerned) She could give me a run. (crosses her arms) Willow: Where's Buffy? (Oz looks around) She's gonna miss the yearbook pictures. Xander: Buffy and Faith are in the library getting all *sweaty*. Cordelia: (corrects him) They're training. Xander: (gives her a look) I stand by my phrase. Oz: I don't think she was here the day they announced them. Did anybody tell her? Cordelia: Oh, I'll tell her now. I have to go to the nurse's office for an ice pack anyway. Xander: (puts his hand on her arm) Did you hurt yourself? Cordelia: (smiles) No, silly. (nudges him) It shrinks the pores! (walks off) Oz gives Xander a look that oozes "duh". Cut to the library. Faith holds up her padded hands as Buffy throws several punches to them. After a particularly hard punch, Faith has to shake out her hand and take off the pads. Faith: Oh, man! Guys should break up with you more often. Buffy: Gee, thank you. (heads toward the book cage) Faith: (follows) No, I mean it. You really got some quality rage going. Really gives you an edge. (sets down the pads) Buffy: (picks up her jacket) Edge Girl. (pulls it on) Just what I always wanted to be. Faith: (wipes her cheek with a towel) Well, screw him, alright? You move on, and... you party heavily, and you'll be fine. I mean, you're still going to that dance, right? Buffy: (opens a juice bottle) Maybe. (takes a swallow) Faith: You got the tix already. Why don't we go together? Buffy: (closes the bottle) I don't know about that. (smiles) Faith: Come on. We'll find a couple studs, we'll use 'em and... discard 'em. That's always fun. (nods and takes a swig of her own drink) Buffy: Okay, I'm in. Not the stud-using part, though. (smirks and rolls her eyes) Or... probably not. Cut to the hall. Cordelia looks into the library through the round door windows, and sees the two Slayers talking. She pushes the door open and is about to go in when she notices two boys walk by. She slips back into the hall and rushes to catch up with them. Cordelia: Uh, Bobby! Mashad! (smiles and giggles) You don't phone, you don't write... (makes eyes at them) Where's the love? Cut to the quad. A teacher comes down the stairs while looking over some reports. When she reaches the bottom, Buffy notices her and runs up to her. Buffy: Ms. Moran? (the teacher looks up) Hi! (smiles) I'm so glad that I ran into you. (they walk slowly) Um, I had this little incident last year of getting kicked out of school. And I'm back now, though, I've done all of my makeup tests, but I still need one written recommendation from a teacher. I think the word that Principal Snyder used was 'glowing'. (smiles awkwardly) Uh, to put in my file so I can prove that I belong here. Ms. Moran: (confused) And, um, you are...? Buffy: (taken aback) Buffy. B-Buffy Summers. (Ms. Moran tries to remember) Third row. I sat by the window. Uh, your class: Contemporary American Heroes from Amelia Earhart to Maya Angelou. The class that changed my life? Ms. Moran: Were you absent a lot, um... Buffy: Buffy? Cut to the cafeteria. Willow, Oz, Buffy and Xander are sitting at a table. Buffy just stares off into space while the others pick at their food. Cordelia walks into view holding out a flyer and touches a student on the arm. Cordelia: Hi. I hope you'll consider me for Homecoming Queen. She walks off, and the camera focuses on the group at the table again. Buffy: I can't believe it. My favorite teacher, and she didn't even remember who I was. I'm like a non-person. (to Oz) Am I invisible? (waves her hand in front of him) Can you see me? Oz: Big as life. Buffy: At Hemery, I was Prom Princess, I was Fiesta Queen, I was on the cheerleading squad. And the yearbook was, like, a story of me. Now it's senior year, and I'm going to be one crappy picture on one-eighth of one crappy page. Xander: (looks up from his plate) Uh, no, actually, you're not. Buffy: What do you mean? Xander: Well, you, uh, missed the picture-taking. Buffy: (eyes wide with surprise) When? (looks at Oz) Why? Oz: We did 'em yesterday. Willow: Didn't Cordelia tell you? Buffy settles her gaze on a campaigning Cordelia. Cut to Cordelia handing a flyer to a student. Buffy approaches behind her. Cordelia: Thanks for your support. (smiles and turns around) Buffy, you look so cute in that outfit. Buffy: I'm not voting for you. Cordelia: (curtly) Then make it snappy. Buffy: How come you didn't tell me they were doing the yearbook pictures? (crosses her arms) Cordelia: Didn't I? Oh, I guess I forgot. What's the big? Buffy: It's just... (exhales) You could've thought about somebody else for thirty seconds, that's all. Cordelia: Hey, I am under a *lot* of pressure here. Buffy: Oh, yeah, campaigning. Rough gig. Cordelia: What would you know about it? Just because you were Guacamole Queen when you were three doesn't mean you understand how this works. Buffy: Obviously, it involves handing out entirely lame flyers. Cordelia: No. It involves being part of this school and having actual friends. Buffy takes offense, and glares at Cordelia. Cordelia: Now, if it was about monsters, blood, and innards, then you'd be a shoo-in. I'd like to see *you* try to win the crown. Buffy: You would? Cordelia huffs and walks around Buffy to leave. Buffy: Then you will. Cordelia stops in her tracks and turns to face her. Cordelia: What does that mean? Buffy: (faces her) I'm gonna show you how it's done. I'm gonna run for Homecoming Queen, and I'm going to win. Cordelia: This is starting to be sad. Buffy: Sorry, Cordy, but you have no idea who you're messing with. Cordelia: What? The Slayer? Buffy: I'm not talking about the Slayer. I'm talking about Buffy. You've awakened the Prom Queen within. And that crown is going to be mine. Cut to Trick's house. Trick: Competition. Competition is a beautiful thing. It makes us strive. It... makes us accomplish. Occasionally, it makes us kill. We all have the desire to win. (walks through the room) Whether we're human... (gestures to three men) vampire... He nods to Lyle Gorch and his wife, then stops by a yellow-skinned creature with a spiny ridge along the top of his head. Trick: ...and whatever the hell you are, my brother. You got them spiny-looking head things. I ain't never seen that before. Kulak: I am Kulak, of the Miquot Clan. Trick: Isn't that nice. (continues walking) Point is, you're all here for the same reason. Lyle: Well, it sure ain't no philosophy class, now, is it? His wife Candy smiles at him. Trick stops pacing and faces him. Trick: Mr. Gorch, my account statement says that your deposit has not yet been made. Lyle: Well, me and Candy... we blowin' our whole honeymoon stash on this little game here. He empties a bag of cash onto the table. Trick: (unimpressed) They're dirty. Lyle: (smiles) They're nonconsecutive. Trick gives the money another look, and this time is impressed. Trick: (to everyone) The games will begin in a few days' time. The first target, Buffy, you've all seen. The second, Faith, is... a little more elusive. But they will both be together and ready for the killing, and that is a money-back guarantee. The Gorches smile. Trick: Ladies, gentlemen, spiny-headed looking creatures, welcome to SlayerFest '98! ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Rosenberg house that evening. Cut to Willow's room. "How", by Lisa Loeb, is quietly playing on the radio. Willow is trying on an outfit, and steps out from behind her changing screen wearing a crimson blouse over a white satin slip dress. Willow: What do you think of this? Xander glances over at her as he tucks his white, long-sleeve dress shirt into his tuxedo pants. His bow tie hangs around his collar, still untied. Xander: (shrugs) Nice. (smiles) He goes back to tucking in his shirt. Willow: It's my first big dance, you know? (unbuttons her blouse) (smiles) Where there's a boy and a band... and not just me alone in my room pretending that there's a boy and a band. Lyrics: I didn't come this far Willow: (picks up another outfit) I just want it to be... She goes back behind the changing screen as Xander steps over to her dressing mirror to tie his bow tie. Xander: Special. That's why I spared no expense on the tux. Willow: The tux? I thought you, uh, borrowed it from your cousin Rigby. Lyrics: For you to make this hard for me. Xander: (struggling with his tie) Expense to my pride, Will. They're our only relations with money, and they shun us... as they should. Lyrics: And now you want to ask me 'how'? Willow steps out from behind the screen again, this time wearing a black top embroidered with several randomly placed small sunflowers and a smiling sun over a full-length black skirt with a floral print. Willow: What do you think about this? Lyrics: It's like / How does your heart beat? Xander: (looks and nods) Nice. Lyrics: Why do you breathe? He turns his attention back on his tie. Willow sees him struggle with it and comes over to him, raising her hands along the way to reach for the tie. Xander lets go of the tie, and she starts to tie it. She looks up at him and gives him a little smile. Lyrics: How does your heart beat? Xander: What? Lyrics: And why do you breathe? Willow: (smiling) I was just... Lyrics: Why did you come here? Willow: Remember the eighth-grade cotillion? (giggles) You had that clip-on? Lyrics: You weren't invited Xander: Hey, I was pretty stylin' with a clip-on. Lyrics: And you're on the outside Willow: And now here we are, and it's... Homecoming. (concentrates on the tie) Xander: Yeah, we should face it, Will. Lyrics: Stay on the outside. Xander: You and I are gonna be in neighboring rest homes while I come over so you can adjust my, um... Lyrics: And now you want to ask me 'why'? Willow raises her eyebrows at him. Xander: My, uh... Well, I can't think of anything that's not really gross. Lyrics: It's like / How does your heart beat? Willow is finished with the tie and smiles at him. She pats the tie and then goes back behind the screen to try on yet another outfit. Xander pulls on his vest. Lyrics: And how do you cry? Xander: So, uh... you and Oz. Lyrics: How does your heart beat? Xander: How do I put this? (buttons the vest) Are we on first, second, or, uh... ye gods? Willow: That's none of your business, Alexander Harris. Her shadow on the screen shows her adjusting the shoulder straps of the dress she's putting on. Lyrics: And there are some things that I like to figure out Xander: (smiles) Ooo, rounding second. (reaches for his jacket) Willow: (huffs) You don't know that. What about you and Cordelia? Lyrics: There are some things that I can do without Xander: (pulls on the tuxedo jacket) Oh, a gentleman never talks about his conquests. Willow: Oh, yeah? (steps out from behind the screen) Well, since when did you become a... Lyrics: You and your letters are gone forever They are both struck dumb when they see each other. She is wearing an elegant black, sleeveless, full-length dress. Xander is looking dapper in his tuxedo. They don't say anything for a long moment. Willow finally breaks the silence to finish her sentence. Willow: ...gentleman? (smiles and giggles) She looks down at her dress, then back up at him and shrugs. Willow: Uh, I know. 'Nice.' Xander: I was gonna go with 'gorgeous'. (steps toward her) Willow: (smiles) Really? (steps toward him) You, too. I-in a guy way. Lyrics: With all the things that you could be Xander: (smiles back and draws a breath) Oz is very lucky. Willow: (smiling) So is Cordelia... i-in a girl way. Lyrics: You never could learn how to be me. Suddenly Willow looks very worried. Willow: I don't know if I can dance in this. I don't know if I can dance! Xander: Come on. Piece of cake. He steps up to her and offers his hands to dance. Xander: Here. Lyrics: And now you want to ask me 'how'? They take a few seconds to get positioned for a traditional slow waltz, and then start to dance. Xander: Well, that seems to, um... He looks down at their feet as they sway back and forth for a little while. Willow looks up at him, but tries not to look like she is. Lyrics: It's like / How does your heart beat? / Why do you breathe? Willow: Yeah. This shouldn't be a... problem. Lyrics: How does your heart beat? Xander: No. They slowly inch closer to each other. Lyrics: Why do you breathe? Xander: No problem. Lyrics: How does your heart beat? / Why do you breathe? He slowly leans his head down to her, and she responds by angling hers up to him. They are soon very close, and kiss gently. The kiss goes on for several seconds before they realize what they are doing and quickly jump apart. Lyrics: How do you breathe? Xander: (points at her) That didn't just happen! Willow: No! (gestures nervously) I mean, it did, but it didn't! Xander: Because I respect you. And Oz. And I would never... Willow: (furrows her brow) I would never, either! I-it must be the clothes. I-it's a fluke. Xander: It's a clothes fluke, that's what it is. And there'll be no more fluking. Willow: Not ever. They step closer again, and are about to kiss when they jump apart again. Xander: We gotta get out of these clothes! Willow: Right now! They quickly realize the implication of what they just said, and get all flustered and gesture wildly. Xander: Oh, I didn't mean... Willow: I didn't... me, either! She rushes back behind her screen. Xander hastens the other way. Cut to Sunnydale High the next day. Buffy: A campaign is like a war. It's won or lost in the trenches. Cut to the library, where Buffy has the large whiteboard arrayed with pictures of Cordelia, Michelle and Holly. Next to each picture is a thermometer filled in red up to their perceived levels of popularity. Below each picture is a list of strengths and weaknesses for each girl. Buffy walks past the board, pointing at each picture with a pointer stick as she goes by. Buffy: Holly, Michelle, and our real competition, Cordelia, all have big head starts. (sets down the pointer) Speaking of big heads, if I had a watermelon as big as Cordelia's, I'd be rich. She smiles at Xander, Willow and Oz, who are sitting on the table fidgeting nervously and looking as though they are desperate to get out of there. They don't react to Buffy's joke at all. Her smile fades. Buffy: Waits for laugh... She gives up waiting for a response and takes a few steps along the board. Buffy: Okay, you're right. Making fun of the competition only makes me seem petty. Now, this is just like any other popularity contest. I've done this before. The only difference being this time, I'm not actually popular. Although, I'm not exactly unpopular. A lot of people came to my welcome home party. Willow: But they were killed by zombies. Buffy: (points at her) Good point. Okay, (steps up to them) here's the plan. Willow, I need you to make a database. See who's for us, who's on the fence and where our real crisis areas are. Oz, you take the fringe: musicians, those not normally inclined to vote. Xander, what... She notices Cordelia coming into the library. Cordelia looks at them, wondering what's going on and crosses her arms. Buffy: Uh, Cordelia... Okay, look. I know this is a little awkward, but I don't see any reason why we all can't get along during this campaign time. (Cordelia shrugs and nods) I mean, we're... almost friends, and... we are all riding together in the limo. Cordelia: Yeah, great. Willow, how's that database coming? Willow: (looks down in shame) Uh, it's... just about done. (sighs) Cordelia: (insistently) Xander? Xander: (whips his head around to face her) I got your new flyers. (smiles thinly) Cordelia: Let's get cracking. Buffy gives them all a betrayed look. Xander slips off of the table. Xander: (to Buffy) She's my girlfriend. (goes to Cordelia) Willow slides off of the table also, and gestures and shrugs a lot when she looks at Buffy on her way to join Xander and Cordelia. Willow: It's just that... she needs it so much more than you do. Oz gets off of the table also, and stops by Buffy on his way after Willow, pointing back and forth between Willow and himself. Oz: As Willow goes, so goes my nation. He goes over to stand with the others, who are hanging their heads in shame and embarrassment behind Cordelia. Cordelia, by contrast, is standing proudly erect, facing Buffy with her arms crossed. Cordelia: Thanks for what you said, Buffy. I think we're getting along great. Don't you? Buffy takes it silently with a look of betrayal and abandonment evident on her face. Cordelia turns and heads out of the library. The others each give Buffy a quick apologetic glance and follow her out. Giles walks into the area as Buffy goes to the table to get her bottle of apple juice. Giles: Seems like a lot of fuss for... one little title. Buffy: Well, you know, it's no fun if you don't try your best. (takes a drink) Giles: As long as fun is still in the mix. Buffy: (smiling) Sure! It's not like anyone takes it that seriously. The bottle in her hand suddenly shatters under the pressure of her grip. Buffy gives Giles an innocent smile. Cut outside to the quad. The Homecoming Queen campaigning is well under way. "Fire Escape", by Fastball, plays in the background as the camera moves around, taking in various scenes of the girls trying to get votes. Buffy talks to a small group of students while handing out fliers, then looks over her shoulder at Cordelia. The camera pans over to Cordelia glancing at Buffy. When she notices Buffy looking at her, she shifts her attention to her own group of people, several of whom already have her flyer. Lyrics: Well, I don't wanna be president The camera pans again, and the scene dissolves to Trick's abode and Jungle Bob checking his rifle. Lyrics: Superman or Clark Kent He walks past the Gruenstahler brothers wrestling with each other. Lyrics: I don't wanna walk 'round in their shoes The camera continues panning past Lyle and Candy Gorch kissing on a couch. Dissolve back to the quad at school. The camera pans across a bulletin board on which Holly, Michelle and Cordelia each have a flyer posted. Lyrics: 'Cause I don't know whose side I'm on Buffy walks up to the board and posts her much larger flyer right on top of Cordelia's. Lyrics: I don't know my right from wrong Cut to the Gruenstahler's boss, checking maps and coordinates on his computer. Lyrics: I don't know where I'm going to Behind him his boys keep up with their training. Cut to Jungle Bob, testing a bear trap. He sticks a mannequin leg into it, and the jaws instantly snap shut, shattering the leg. Cut to Kulak. He raises his arms and snaps them down so his forearms are extended out from him horizontally at his waist. Lyrics: I don't know about you Both of Kulak's forearms split open from elbow to wrist, and a long, serrated, green throwing weapon pops out of each arm and into his hands. He roars and quickly heaves them both at a wall, where they both hit within inches of each other. Cut to the quad at school again. Buffy comes down the stairs with a bounce in her step. Lyrics: I'll be the rain falling on your fire escape At the bottom she fakes dropping her stack of flyers. Scott sees them fall, and quickly kneels down to pick them up. Buffy: Sorry. Scott: Here. He hands her the flyers, and they both stand back up. Lyrics: And I may not be the man you want me to Scott: (looks at the flyers) I heard you were doing this. Buffy: Uh... yeah. It's just something to pass the time. Lyrics: I can be myself Buffy: It's silly, really. Lyrics: How 'bout you? Scott: I don't think so. For what it's worth, you have my vote. Buffy: No, I don't want you to feel... (reconsiders and smiles) Thank you. Scott nods his head back at her and leaves. Lyrics: I don't wanna make you mad Buffy smiles to herself and pulls out her campaign notebook. Lyrics: I don't wanna meet your dad She opens it to a list of names, and checks off Scott's name. Lyrics: I don't wanna be your dream come true She closes it, notices another boy coming and tosses her flyers on the ground again, making like it was an accident. The boy bends down to pick them up. Cut to a hall. Buffy is wearing a Sunnydale High team jacket and talks to a group of athletes also wearing team jackets. They all smile at her as she makes small talk with them. Lyrics: 'Cause I don't know just what I've found Cut to her campaign book. She checks off the name of Daryl Sancton. Cut to the quad. Holly is about to offer a brownie to a boy when Buffy comes up to him and gives him a huge chocolate cupcake. She gives him a radiant smile, and then smiles smugly to herself as she walks off. Lyrics: I don't know my sky from ground Cut to her campaign notebook. She checks off Leafe Small's name. Lyrics: I don't know where I'm going to Cut to the quad. After giving away two more chocolate cupcakes, Buffy walks over to a column to post a flyer. Cordelia comes up to the two students and smiles brightly as she hands them each a basket full of sweets and chocolates. Lyrics: I don't know about you Cordelia then holds open a bag for them to dump their cupcakes into. Buffy watches as Cordelia steps over to a trashcan and drops the bag into it. Cordelia gives her a smug look and smiles before walking off. Cut to the halls. Willow looks at two flyers of Buffy and Cordelia posted next to each other, sighs and starts to walk along the hall. She only gets a few steps before she runs into Buffy. Buffy: Hey. Willow: (jumpy) Hi! How are you? You good? You look good. Anything new? (smiles) Hey, did I mention you look good? Buffy: Willow, it's okay that you're helping Cordelia. We're best friends. I'm not gonna hold it against you. Willow: (whining) No, I'm not a friend. I'm a rabid dog who should be shot! But there're forces at work here! Dark, incomprehensible forces. Buffy: And I'm sure they're more important than all we've been through together, or... the number of times that I've saved your life. Willow: (looks at her imploringly) What do you want? Buffy: Fifteen minutes alone on your computer with Cordelia's database. Willow: (gives in with a squeaky voice) 'Kay. She slides her backpack from her shoulder and sits at a table by a window. Buffy: (smiles) Good! Oh! (sits also) Cut outside the window. The camera pulls back from it. Buffy: So, I spoke to the limo people, and we're all set. Cut inside the Gruenstahler's van. One of them is looking at them through binoculars while the other has a parabolic listening device trained on them and records their conversation. Buffy: They'll pick up Faith, then me, then swing by and get you guys. Now, what's your database tell you about *my* weaknesses? Cut to a hall. Jonathon takes a big bite out of a chocolate cupcake as he walks slowly along. The camera pulls back from him to show Buffy walking with him with her arm around his shoulders. Buffy: You know, Jonathon, I've always felt a special bond between you and me. Jonathon: (with his mouth full) Cordelia gave me six bucks. (they stop walking) That buys a *whole* lotta cupcakes. (takes another bite) Cut to another part of the hall where Cordelia is talking to another group of students. Cordelia: Are you kidding? She holds up her hand with her fingers spread in the characteristic 'V' form of the Vulcan greeting. Cordelia: I've been doing the Vulcan death grip since I was four. She smiles at a guy and pokes him in the forehead a few times with her spread fingers, blissfully unaware that she doesn't know the first thing about the Vulcan nerve pinch, not even its proper name. Buffy walks up behind her with her arms crossed. Buffy: So you really are giving out money, huh? Cordelia: (turns to face her) Is that any more tacky than your faux 'I'm shy but deep' campaign posters? Buffy: Yes. Cordelia: This whole trying to be like me really isn't funny anymore. Buffy: I was *never* trying to be like you, and when was it funny? Cordelia: I don't see why your pathetic need to recapture your glory days gives you the right to splinter my vote. Buffy: (not believing what she's hearing) How can you think it's okay to talk to people like this? Do you have parents? Cordelia: Yeah. Two of them... unlike some people. Buffy: (completely flabbergasted) Your brain isn't even connected to your mouth, is it? Xander and Willow walk up behind Cordelia. Cordelia: Why don't you do us both a favor and stay out of my way? She starts to walk past her, putting her hand on Buffy's shoulder to push her out of the way. Buffy grabs her hand and pulls it off of her. Buffy: Don't *ever* do that again. Cordelia: (jerks her hand away) You're sick, you know that? Xander takes Cordelia by the arms from behind. Xander: Okay, let's not say something we'll, uh, regret later... Cordelia: (to Buffy) You crazy freak! Buffy: Vapid whore! Xander: ...like that! He pulls Cordelia away from Buffy. Cordelia: (incensed) What did you call me?! Xander quickly leads her away down the hall. Willow steps up to Buffy looking extremely worried. Willow: This is just... Cut to Willow's room later that afternoon. She paces behind Xander. Willow: ...the worst thing that's ever happened. Ever! She sits on her bed and crosses her arms and legs, looking down sadly. Xander sits down next to her and puts his arm around her. Xander: I know. I know. It's just... when I look at you now, it's like I'm seeing you for the first time. Willow: I'm talking about Buffy and Cordelia. Xander: (yanks back his arm) Me, too. Willow: (sighs) What are we gonna do? I mean, we have to do something. This is all our fault. Xander: How do you get from 'chick fight' to 'our fault'? Willow: (flustered) Because: we felt so guilty about the fluke, we overcompensated helping Cordelia, and we spun the whole group dynamic out of orbit, and we're just a big meteor shower heading for Earth... Xander: Okay, calm down. Let's just put our heads together and think of something. (Willow nods) (takes a breath) Okay, one of us here is pretty darn smart, and I am... Willow looks at him expectantly. Xander: ...just in Hell. I-I mean, I-I thought being a senior *at last* and, and having a girlfriend *at last* would, would be a *good* thing. Now, why wouldn't that be a good thing? He notices Willow's gazed fixed on his mouth. Xander: What? Willow: Sometimes when you're falling to pieces, your mouth, (reaches up with her hand) it just does the sweetest thing. (smiles) Xander reaches up with his hand, takes hers in it and lowers their hands to his knee. He puts his other hand over hers as well. Willow: What are we gonna do? Xander: We just have to get the two of them communicating. Willow: I'm talking about us. They look at each other in silence. Cut to Buffy's house that night. She is wearing a bright red spaghetti- strap evening gown with matching shoes and purse. She comes down the steps from the porch and walks over to the limousine waiting for her in the driveway. The driver holds open the door for her, and she gets in. He closes the door. Buffy looks next to her and finds Cordelia sitting there wearing a green satin dress with a corsage on her wrist. Buffy: What's going on here? Where's Faith? Cordelia hands her the card she found in the limo when she was picked up. Buffy opens it and reads. Dear Cordelia and Buffy, We won't be riding to the dance with you. We want you to work out your problems because our friendships are more important than who wins Homecoming Queen. Your friends. P.S. The limo was not cheap. Work it out. She folds the card closed and sets it down. Buffy: Well... She looks around and notices the corsage waiting for her in a small box between them. Buffy: They bought us corsages? Cordelia: I took the orchid. Buffy: (rolls her eyes) Okay. The driver gets in and starts the car. The camera is in a close-up shot of his ear, and he puts an earpiece into it as the camera pulls out to reveal that the driver is one of the Gruenstahler brothers. He puts the car in gear and drives off. Cut to a lonely stretch of road in the woods. The limousine drives along at a steady speed. Cordelia: I don't see what the big deal is. Cut inside the limo. Buffy: I'm not making a big deal. You wanted the orchid, you got the orchid. Cordelia: It goes with my complexion better. The driver pulls the limo to the side of the road. Buffy: It does have that sallow tint. She notices the car stop. Buffy: Finally we're here. They hear the driver's door slam and his footsteps as he runs off. Buffy gives Cordelia a concerned look. She opens her door and gets out of the car. Cut outside. Cordelia gets out behind her and swings the door shut. They look around, surprised to find themselves in the middle of the woods. Cordelia: What is this? (loudly) Okay, guys, we've had enough of your stupid little game! Buffy notices a VCR and a monitor waiting for them on a rock. Buffy: What's massively wrong with this picture? They walk up to it. A sign on the VCR says "Press Play", which Buffy does. Trick appears on the screen. Trick: Hello, ladies. Welcome to SlayerFest '98. Buffy and Cordelia stare at the monitor in disbelief. Trick: What is a SlayerFest, you ask? Well, as in most of life, there's the hunters and the hunted. Can you guess where you two fall? From the beginning of this tape, you have exactly thirty seconds--(checks his watch) no, that's seventeen now--to run for your lives. (smiles) Cut to Cordelia. Trick: Faith... Cut to Buffy. Trick: Buffy... Cut to the monitor. Trick: (smiling hugely) Have a nice death. The picture fades to black, and the word "SlayerFest" appears in red and white. Cordelia: (to the woods around them) Hello! How stupid are you people? (points at Buffy) She's a Slayer. (puts her hand to her chest) I'm a Homecoming Queen! They hear a distant gunshot, and an instant later the monitor explodes. Cordelia gasps in fright, and the two of them begin to run. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Homecoming Dance at the Bronze. Dingoes Ate My Baby (Four Star Mary) are on the stage performing "She Knows". The camera is overhead looking straight down on the drummer. It tilts up as it moves past Oz on his guitar and Devon at the mic and out into the crowd. Lyrics: She flies from a blinding light / And spirals to my heart The camera closes in on Willow and Xander standing about three feet (1m) apart. Willow has her hands folded in front of her and looks sad as she watches the band play. Xander is idly nibbling on a finger sandwich while looking down at the floor, seemingly deep in thought. Faith comes up behind them. Faith: What are you two so mopey about? Lyrics: I try to find my mind to go / don't know where to start Xander: (looks at her) Oh, we're not mopey. We're groovin'. (points at the stage) On Oz's band. He's a great guy, Oz. Lyrics: Won't ever, can't ever find my sanity Willow: He wrote this song for me. Faith glances around and sees Scott behind her dancing with a girl. Lyrics: Won't ever... Faith: (to Willow, indicating behind them) Sleazebag! (huffs and walks off) Lyrics: ...can't ever till I hear her calling for me Giles finds them and rushes up behind them. Giles: We have to find Buffy. Something terrible's happened. Willow and Xander look at him, but aren't upset by this news. Lyrics: She knows that, she knows that Giles: (smiles) Just kidding. Thought I'd give you a scare. Willow looks back at the band. Xander just stares at him. Lyrics: She knows that side of me Giles: (sees Xander's sandwich) Are those finger sandwiches? He goes off to find the buffet table to get a few sandwiches of his own. Xander looks back at the band now, too. Lyrics: I can't help it, can't help it Cut to the woods. Buffy and Cordelia jog through it at a brisk pace. Buffy scans the forest around them as they go. Cordelia just follows her. Cordelia: I have an idea. We talk to these people, we explain that I'm not a Slayer, and they let me go. They slow to a walk. Buffy ignores Cordelia's comment, and keeps scanning around them. Cordelia looks down and sees that Buffy is about to step into a bear trap. Cordelia: Look out! With her fast Slayer reflexes, Buffy instantly lifts her foot back up, and the trap snaps shut empty. Knowing someone must be near, Buffy grabs Cordelia and pulls her to the ground as Jungle Bob takes aim with his rifle. Buffy: Get down! He shoots and misses. Buffy grabs the sprung trap and hurls it at Jungle Bob. It hits him hard, and he staggers back and steps into another bear trap. He grunts when it snaps shut on his leg. Buffy hurries over to him with Cordelia not far behind. She picks up his rifle and points it at him. Buffy: That's gotta smart. Jungle Bob tries to pry open the trap. Buffy: Now, I can let you out of that, or I can put a bullet in your head. How many are there in this little game, and what are they packing? He just stares at her, refusing to speak. Buffy pumps a fresh round into the gun's chamber. This gives him cause to think again. Jungle Bob: There's me, two Germans with AR-15s and grenade launcher... yellow-skinned demon with long knives... Vampire couple from Texas named Gorch. Buffy: That everybody? Jungle Bob: Everybody who's out here. Germans are wired. Their boss is tracking them on computer. Now get me out of this! Cordelia: Could I just ask you an *eensy* favor? Could you just tell your friends that I'm not a Sl... Cordelia screams and jumps back as Kulak's serrated weapons slice into the tree in front of her. Cut to the Bronze. Giles selects a few finger sandwiches from the buffet table. Lyrics: Just a little more, just a little more Behind Giles, Faith moves around the table, and the camera follows her over to Scott. He is dancing slow and close with his date. Lyrics: Just until I know what I'm feeling Faith touches the couple, and they pull apart. Faith: Scott? There you are, honey! Lyrics: Just a little more Faith: Hey, good news. Lyrics: Just a little more / To find my sanity Faith: (with lots of gesturing) The doctor says that the itching and the swelling and the burning should clear up, (puts her hands on his chest) but we gotta keep using the ointment. Scott's date isn't sure what to make of that. Faith turns to her and touches her on the shoulder. Faith: Hi. Lyrics: She knows that side is calling back for me She turns back to Scott, grabs him by the lapels and gives him a little pull. She lets go of him and walks away. Scott turns back to his date, thoroughly embarrassed. Scott: Uh... The camera pans back across the buffet table to Giles. He chews on a bite of his finger sandwich and steps over to Willow and Xander sitting angled away from each other. Willow stares at the floor while Xander leans his face into his fist. Lyrics: I've lost my mind / I never believe Giles: I suspect the, uh, finger food contains... actual fingers. Xander gives him a quick disgusted glance. Willow just stares sadly at the floor. Lyrics: She knows that side... Giles: I-I-I think I'll retreat to the library until the coronation. He gets no reaction from either of them. Lyrics: ...is calling back for me Giles: I wanna be here when, when, when Buffy... Well, uh, however the thing turns out for her. Lyrics: I lost my mind til she's calling for me Giles: A-and that was a very fine thing you two did, putting Buffy and Cordelia together. Lyrics: She's calling for me / She's calling for me He holds out the rest of his sandwich wrapped in a napkin out to Xander, who idly takes it. Giles then heads out of the Bronze to go to his library. Lyrics: She knows that, she knows that Willow keeps staring down at the floor with a big frown on her face. Willow: We did one fine thing. Lyrics: She knows that side of me Xander: Yeah. They've been gone for a while. They must really be getting' into it. Lyrics: I can't help it Cut inside a run-down cabin in the woods. Buffy kicks the door in, and she and Cordelia rush in. Buffy holds Jungle Bob's rifle in one hand as she pushes the door shut with the other and pulls a chair over to barricade it. She starts to go each window to close the shutters and draw the drapes over them. Buffy: We should be safe in here for a while. You need to find a weapon. Cordelia: (panting with fright) Safe? I'm not safe. I'm gonna die! Buffy pulls back the drapes from another window to close its shutters, but it comes loose in her hand and falls to the floor. Buffy: (shrugs) Yeah, you are if you just stand there. She pulls the drapes across to at least block the view and goes on to do the rest of the windows. Cordelia: (sobbing) I'm never gonna be crowned Homecoming Queen. I'm never gonna graduate from high school. I'm never gonna know if it's real between me and Xander, or if it's just... (sobs) some temporary insanity that made me think... (sobs) I loved him. (sobs) And now I'm never gonna get the chance to tell him. Buffy allows her attention to be diverted by Cordelia for a moment. She sighs and goes over to her. Buffy: Yes, you are. We are gonna get out of here, and we are gonna head back to the library, where Giles and the rest of the weapons live. Then I'm gonna take out the rest of these guys just in time for you to congratulate me on my *sweeping* victory as Homecoming Queen. (heads back to a window) Cordelia: I know what you're up to. (Buffy turns back to face her) You think if you get me mad enough, I won't be so scared. And, hey! It's working! Where's a damn weapon? She looks around and sees an end table with drawers, walks over to it and starts searching for anything that she can use. Buffy resumes her surveillance at the window. Buffy: You really love Xander? Cordelia: Well, he kinda grows on you, like... a Chia Pet. She finds a spatula and takes it over to Buffy. Buffy: That's it? Cordelia: Just this and a telephone. Buffy: A telephone. And you didn't think that'd be helpful? Cordelia: No, this is better for... She swings it a few times and realizes it probably won't be of much use. Cordelia: Oh. (exhales) Cut to Trick's place. The Gruenstahler's boss is using his computer to track the happenings in the woods. Boss: You're about to see why Daniel Boone and that idiot demon are creatures of the past... and why I am the future. I'm picking up a signal. He zeros in on a grid on his computer map. Boss: They've got a phone! Cut to the cabin. Buffy is on the phone. Buffy: If you get this message, Giles, get help and get out here... The phone clicks and goes dead. Buffy: Hello? Cordelia: What happened? Buffy: It went dead. Cut to Jungle Bob in the woods. Kulak walks up behind him and watches him grunt and struggle to pry open the bear trap. Kulak: Want me to cut that leg off? Jungle Bob: No, thanks. Kulak gives him a disgusted grunt and walks off after the girls. Cut to the Gruenstahler brothers. They are decked out all in black and have their AR-15s raised and ready, listening to their boss on their headsets and scanning the area as they go. Boss: Continue proceeding south ninety meters to vector three. Cut to Giles' office. He comes in, notices that there is a message for him on his machine and presses the playback button. He takes a sip of his tea as the machine rewinds briefly, beeps and plays Buffy's message. Buffy: Giles, it's me... and Cordelia. We're in a cabin in Miller's Woods, and we're in big trouble. Cut to the cabin. Cordelia sits down on a cot. Cordelia: Why is it every time I go somewhere with you, it always ends in violence and terror? Buffy: (staring out a window) Welcome to my life. Cordelia: I don't wanna be in your life. I wanna be in my life. Buffy: (looks back at her) Well, there's the door. (points with the rifle) Please feel free to walk out at any time and live your life. She walks over to another window and looks out again. Cordelia: All I wanted was to be Homecoming Queen. Buffy turns to face her again and lowers the gun. Buffy: And that's all I wanted, too, Cordelia. She sighs, looks down at her dress and heads back to the other window again. Buffy: I spent a year's allowance on this dress. (looks out again) Cordelia: I don't even get why you care about Homecoming when you're doing stuff like this. Again Buffy turns around to face her. Buffy: Because this is all I do. This is what my life is. (lowers her head and steps into the room) You couldn't understand. (shrugs) I just thought... Homecoming Queen. (smiles) (Cordelia keeps respectfully silent) I could pick up a yearbook someday and say, I was there. I went to high school, I had friends, and... for one moment, I got to live in the world. (smiles) And there'd be proof. Proof that I was chosen for something other than this. Cordelia gives her an understanding look. Buffy raises the rifle in her hands. Buffy: Besides... (pumps the rifle) I look cute in a tiara. Cordelia lets out a little laugh. Then they hear a growl outside of the cabin. Cordelia: Do you hear... Suddenly Kulak comes crashing through a window. He immediately grabs Buffy and throws her down onto an old mattress and pillow on the floor, making her drop the rifle. She rolls out of the way as he swings at her with his green serrated blades, and they just slice into the pillow. Buffy rushes to the far wall and takes down a set of antlers to use for defense. Kulak swings his blades at her while Cordelia slaps him on the back with her spatula from behind. Buffy blocks the blades with the antlers and shoves the antlers aside. Kulak goes down with them. Buffy: Cor, the gun! Kulak gets to his knees and takes a wide swing at Buffy, cutting her slightly on the arm and making her fall. Buffy: Ooh! Cordelia finds the rifle on the floor and picks it up. Kulak stands up and tries another swing, but Buffy grabs the end of the rug he's standing on and yanks it out from under him, making him fall backward and hit the floor hard on his back. Cordelia has the gun raised now, and waves it around looking for a target. Kulak gets back to his feet, and Cordelia shoots but misses, hitting a bottle on a shelf instead. Buffy: Cordelia, the spatula. Cut outside of the cabin. The Gruenstahler boys sneak up on it. Cut to their boss. Boss: Prepare to launch. Cut inside the cabin. Kulak takes a lunging swing at Buffy. She avoids it and grabs the hanging lamp above her and uses it to support herself to deliver a solid mid-air roundhouse kick to Kulak's face. He goes flying backward into a desk against the wall and falls to the floor. Cut outside. One of the brothers loads a grenade into his launcher and closes the chamber. Their boss gives them coordinates over their radio feeds. Boss: Target's in range, ready your weapons. Y-axis fifty-three degrees west by eight degrees south. The assassin punches the coordinates into his targeting computer. Cut inside. Cordelia tries to get Buffy's attention. Cordelia: Buffy! Buffy looks over at her, and Cordelia tosses her the rifle. She aims it at Kulak as he gets up from the floor. He roars and starts to come at her. Buffy pulls the trigger, but the chamber is still empty from Cordelia's shot, so the hammer just clicks on nothing. Buffy quickly raises the rifle above her head to block Kulak's swing. His blade embeds itself in the rifle's stock, and Buffy twists it around, pulling Kulak's arm with it and pinning him down. Cut to the Gruenstahler's boss. Boss: Launch! Cut outside the cabin. The grenade is launched. Cut inside. The grenade penetrates a window shutter and falls to the floor in front of Buffy and Kulak. They look at each other and let go of the rifle. Buffy grabs Cordelia and starts to run toward a window with her in tow. Kulak runs for another window. Buffy and Cordelia both jump and crash through the glass. Kulak jumps also, but his window is shuttered behind the curtain, so he just bounces off of it and back into the room by the grenade. He takes a quick, terrified breath. Cut outside. Buffy and Cordelia run like mad. Behind them the cabin explodes in a huge fireball, sending bits of debris flying everywhere and knocking them to the ground. They both look up at each other, panting. Buffy: We gotta get back to the library. They get up and start running through the woods. The Gruenstahlers begin to track them. Cut to the library. Lyle and Candy have the book cage open and have found the weapons stash. A couple of battle-axes and a mace are on a table. Candy loads a bolt into the crossbow, turns around and points it at Lyle. Lyle: Easy, darlin'. (nudges the weapon away) These things go through you faster than Grandpa Pete's chili. Candy: I want to do Buffy: my weddin' present for what happened to your poor brother. Lyle: Tector. Candy: (impatient) When's she comin'? Lyle: (looks down at the floor) Well, he's her Watcher. She'll show... just as soon as she gets rid of some of our competition. The camera pans down to Giles lying unconscious on the floor. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Inside Trick's house. The Gruenstahler's boss is tracking Buffy and Cordelia on his computer. Boss: They're heading west, back into town. Trick: They got away? Boss: Temporarily. Trick: Well, give it up for the Slayers. They got character. There's a knock at the door. Trick: I'll take care of it. He goes to answer the door. The boss keeps tracking the girls. Cut to the door. Trick opens it. There he finds two police officers waiting. Trick: Evening, gentlemen. How may I help you? Without a word the two officers grab him and drag him out of the house. Trick: Excuse me! Anybody got a warrant here? Cut to the halls at the school. Buffy and Cordelia come around a corner and head for the library. Buffy: Jungle Bob and spike-head are down and out. We've lost the Germans twice, but they seem to keep finding us. If we take them out and the Gorches, we can still make Homecoming. Cordelia: Those animals! Hunting us down like poor defenseless... well, animals. They walk into the library. Buffy: We just need to find Giles... Candy roars and grabs Buffy by the arm. She swings her around and lets go, but Buffy maintains her balance and doesn't fall. Candy does a roundhouse kick to Buffy's face, making her stagger a bit. She grabs Buffy by the back of the neck and shoves her into a bookcase, bringing her head down onto the shelves and breaking several of them as she falls to the floor. Lyle smiles at Candy's clever move, but Buffy does a sweep kick, knocking Candy's legs out from underneath her and making her fall also. Buffy scrambles to her feet. Cordelia gets her attention. Cordelia: Buffy! She tosses the spatula to Buffy, who grabs it in mid-air and turns to face Candy with it. Candy grabs the coat rack as she gets up. Buffy lunges at Candy with the handle of the spatula and impales her on it. Candy shoves the base of the coat rack into Buffy's face and makes her stumble back into the walls. She falls over a wastebasket and into a potted tree before falling to the floor unconscious. Candy drops the coat rack and notices the spatula sticking out of her chest. Lyle's face takes on a look of terror. Lyle: Candy! She burst into ashes before his eyes. Lyle: Oh, Candy... He heads for Buffy on the floor. Cordelia calmly steps over and heads him off. Lyle: I'm gonna kill both you Slayers for this! You hear me? Cordelia: I hear you, you redneck moron. You got a dress that goes with that hat? Lyle: (furious) I'm gonna... Cordelia: Rip out my innards, play with my eyeballs, boil my brain and eat it for brunch? Listen up, needle-brain. Buffy and I have taken out four of your cronies, not to mention your girlfriend. Lyle: WIFE! Cordelia: Whatever. The point is, I haven't even broken a sweat. See, in the end, Buffy's just the runner-up. *I'm* the Queen. You get me mad, (gets in his face and glares at him) what do you think I'm gonna do to you? Lyle is taken aback by that, and considers his next move. Cordelia raises her eyebrows at him impatiently. Lyle thinks better of taking her on and gives her a quick nod. Lyle: Later. He cautiously edges his way around her and heads out of the library. Giles wakes up and gets up from the floor. Cordelia smiles, impressed with herself. Cut to later in the library. Buffy is awake again, and Giles starts to deal with the mess left by the Gorches. Buffy: (to Cordelia) That should teach him to mistake you for a Slayer. Giles: Yes, I must admit I do feel partly responsible. I did give your friends tacit approval to make the switch in the limousine. Buffy: Aw, it's okay. It gave Cor and I a chance to spend some quality death time. Cordelia: And we got these free corsages. (looks at hers) Buffy pulls hers out to look at it. Giles: Oh, that's nice. Although I don't recall them mentioning corsages. Buffy: Jungle Bob... said that the Germans were hooked into a computer system. She gives her corsage a more thorough inspection. Inside she finds a small transmitter. Buffy: And they're hooked into us. They both look up when they hear a door slam out in the halls. Cut to the halls. The Gruenstahler brothers make their way in, scanning around with their laser-sighted rifles. Cut into the library. Cordelia quickly pulls her corsage off and gives it to Buffy. Cordelia: Oh, God, get rid of these things! Buffy: (to Giles) I need some wet toilet paper. Cordelia: (sarcastically) Yeah! That'll help. Cut to the halls. The brothers pull on their night vision goggles and continue to scan and advance into the dark halls. Their boss talks over their com links. Boss: Transmitting coordinates now. Cut to their boss tracking them. Boss: They're fifty feet away. Cut to the halls as seen looking through the night vision goggles. Suddenly Buffy runs across the hall. They try to trace her and fire, but they can't follow her fast enough with their aim. They hold their fire, and one of them signals the other to advance. Around the corner Buffy ducks into a classroom. The one follows her in. The other listens to his boss' instructions and takes aim through a wall. Boss: Axis six degrees by forty-three. Cut to their boss, still tracking. Boss: I have them both in range. Cut inside the classroom. The assassin scans around in the dark room, but can't see anything. Cut to the hall. The one out there moves his rifle according to his instructions. Boss: I have the targets together, twenty feet north and stationary. Final position is locked. Fire when ready. Cut inside the classroom. The assassin keeps scanning as he walks through the room. Boss: Both targets seven degrees by thirty-five. Buffy rises up from behind a low bookcase. She throws a wad of wet toilet paper with the transmitters, and it hits the assassin on his back. He spins around to look what direction he was hit from. Boss: Adjust! Right ten degrees! Fire! Cut to the hall. The assassin there starts to shoot through the wall. Cut to the room. The other one turns toward the fire and shoots back. They keep shooting at each other through the wall until they hit each other and die. Cut to their boss. The targets on his screen disappear, and he assumes that his targets have been eliminated. Boss: (smiles) I won! He chuckles and snaps his fingers in triumph. Cut to the classroom. Buffy looks at the destroyed windows from behind the cover of the bookcase. Cut to city hall. Cut to the Mayor's office. A police officer escorts Trick in and shoves him to the center of the room. Mayor Wilkins looks up, smiles and offers his hand in greeting. Mayor Wilkins: Hello! Nice to meet you. Trick: (ignores the hand) Yeah, hi, it's a pleasure. Where am I? Mayor Wilkins: (withdraws his hand) In my office. I'm Richard Wilkins. I'm the Mayor of Sunnydale. And you're... (points at him) Mr. Trick. (indicates a chair) Please, sit down. He walks around to the other side of his desk. Trick takes a seat. Mayor Wilkins: That's an exciting suit. Trick: Well, clothes make the man. Mayor Wilkins: Well, as I understand it, you're not a man... exactly. (Trick nods) Mr. Trick, I've been the Mayor for quite some time. I like things to run smoothly. This is a very important year for me. Trick: Election year. Mayor Wilkins: Something like that. Trick: If this is the part where you tell me that I don't fit in here in your quiet little neighborhood, you can just skip it 'cause, see, that all got old long before I became a vampire. Do you know what I'm saying? Mayor Wilkins: Do you have children? (Trick just smiles) Children are the heart of a community. (walks around his desk again) They need to be looked after. Controlled. (sits on his desk) The more rebellious element needs to be dealt with. The children are our future. We need them. *I* need them. Trick: If this rebellious element means who I think it does, then that problem may be taken care of this very night. Mayor Wilkins: So I've heard. (chuckles) That's a very enterprising idea you have: SlayerFest. (laughs) I love that name, by the way. You see, *that's* the kind of initiative I need on my team. Trick: What if I don't wanna be a part of the team? Mayor Wilkins: Oh, no, that won't be an issue. Trick just gives him an even stare. The Mayor reaches onto his desk for a thin plastic box and opens the lid. Mayor Wilkins: See, you and I are gonna get along very well. (offers the box to Trick) Moist towelette? Cut to the Bronze. The time to announce the Homecoming Queen has arrived. The band's drummer gives a brief drumroll to get everyone's attention as Devon steps up to the mic. Devon: Hey, guys, the moment we've all been waiting for. Cut to the crowd. Devon goes on with some minor announcements before naming this year's queen. Willow gives Oz a concerned look. Willow: They're gonna announce the Queen. Where are they? What's keeping them? Oz notices Buffy and Cordelia work their way through the crowd behind them. They are still dirty and disheveled from their ordeal. Oz: I'm gonna go with mud wrestling. Xander: Oh, God! What did you two do to each other? Buffy: Long story. Cordelia: Got hunted. Buffy: Apparently not that long. Willow looks at the two of them in disbelief. Buffy: Tell you one thing, though: you don't wanna mess with Cordelia. Xander: (laughs and gets a look from Cordelia) No. Another drumroll gets their attention. Devon: In this envelope, I hold the name of this year's Homecoming Queen. He gets a few calls from the crowd. Before opening the envelope he makes another announcement about an after-party. Cordelia: After all that we've been through tonight, this whole who- gets-to-be-queen capade seems pretty... Buffy: Damn important. Cordelia: Oh, yeah. Devon: And the winner is... He opens the envelope and checks the name. Devon: Hey, I believe we have a first for Sunnydale High. We have a tie. Buffy and Cordelia exchange a look and smile. Devon: The winners are Holly Charleston and Michelle Blake! Buffy and Cordelia's smiles fade. Michelle and Holly push between them to get to the stage. Everyone in the crowd applauds as the two queens make their way to the stage. Cordelia and Buffy can't believe it. On the stage Devon holds up the Homecoming tiara, and waves it first over Michelle's head, then Holly's. The crowd continues to applaud. Michelle steps up to the mic. Michelle: I'm just so honored! (giggles) Buffy and Cordelia exchange another look, roll their eyes and turn to go. Michelle: I can't believe it! I mean, that you would pick me... or us... out of every girl in the whole school! It's just... it's so wonderful! Cordelia rolls her eyes again as the two of them leave. Michelle: (starts to weep) I promised myself I'm not gonna cry...

Buffy and Cordelia compete for Homecoming Queen while Mr. Trick organizes SlayerFest '98. Willow and Xander kiss, although each is seeing someone else. Unknown to SlayerFest personnel, Cordelia changes places with Faith. Buffy and Cordy reconcile while trying to defeat Mr. Trick's contestants.

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_06x04

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_06x04_0

Outside Degrassi, Ashley puts her hands over Jimmy's eyes Ashley: Guess who? Jimmy: Uh Heather Sinclaire. Ashley: Very funny. Close your eyes. I have a surprise. Now open your mouth. Jimmy: Oh man here we go. (Ashley puts a whistle in his mouth.) Ashley: Now blow. Jimmy: That's very cool. You got me a new one. Thank you. Ashley: Well coach can't keep the junior girls basketball team in line with a broken whistle. Jimmy: That's true. (Ashley sees what Jimmy is drawing.) Ashley: That's the logo on your shirt. Jimmy: Yeah. Yeah Marco saw it and thought it would be a good design, so... Ashley: And an old picture of Hazel. How cute. Jimmy: Just a class assignment. Ashley: So um where's the sketch of your current girlfriend? Jimmy: It's all up here baby girl. I just gotta capture it on paper. Believe me Ash, when I draw you, it will be my masterpiece. Ashley: So um when can I schedule a sit-in with my master painter? Jimmy: Well good things come to those who wait. Ashley: It's just that your model's starting to wonder if maybe she's doing something wrong. Jimmy: Ash when the time is right, my canvas will be ready. Ashley: Okay, but um just so you know- Jimmy: Mm hmm? Ashley: The model is ready and willing. (She teases him by almost kissing him and then pulling away.) In the gym Spinner: So Darce and I are at the movies last night. Jimmy: Clown Academy 4 out already? Spinner: Dude how would I know? Darce and I rocked the back row, if you catch my flow. Jimmy: You and Darcy, for real? Spinner: No. No um only in my dreams, which is why I'm just a little bit jealous of you and Ash. Jimmy: Jealous? Spinner: Come on dude I don't see an abstinence ring on your finger. Jimmy: Me and you, are friends, but we're also guys. Ergo we do not talk about our s*x lives, okay? Spinner: Hergro at least you have something to not talk about. Jimmy: Look this stays here, alright? The mind is willing, but the body... Spinner: Dude? Jimmy: Since the shooting it just hasn't been the same. Physio helps. Doc says it might happen one day, but the question is when. Spinner: Dude. Jimmy: Can you think of anything else to say right now? Spinner: I don't know what else to say man. It's hard. Not for you. I didn't- (He stops and Jimmy throws the ball at him.) Spinner: Sorry, sorry. Look maybe you're just too wound up. I mean you are tense 24/7. Take it from Coach Spinner, just relax. Let the game come to you. Don't force anything. (Jimmy shoots a basket into the hoop.) In the hallway Darcy: Manny! The brilliant future Spirit Squad choreographer. Just the girl I'm looking for. Manny: Keep looking. I already said no. Darcy: But you never gave me a reason. Manny: You know exactly why Darcy. Darcy: If you sister sins, rebuke her. If she repents, forgive her. Luke, chapter 7? Manny: Thank you Sister Cuckoo Banana. Darcy: I'm trying to say I know we didn't see eye to eye last year. Manny: This year has been a regular staring contest. Darcy: I'm trying to apologize okay, for last year. I was a jerk to you. I may be the captain, but the squad is nothing without you. Forgive me? Please, please, please. Manny: Okay. Okay everyone makes mistakes I guess. Darcy: Ah the team is going to be so brilliant this year. Manny: Yeah. We should put a lot more focus on our aerials. Darcy: Really? 'Cause I was thinking we should focus more on our cheers. At Jimmy's physiotherapist session Physiotherapist: Oh impressive transfer. You've been working out without me. Jimmy: Uh honestly not so much. Just been on the court a lot, playing pickup, coaching. Physiotherapist: Busy guy. Jimmy: Yeah. Physiotherapist: Well it sure has helped your core abdominal strength. (Jimmy looks up and sees that he has a boner.) Physiotherapist: Okay let's stretch those hip flexors. (She walks over to him and he puts a newspaper over his crotch.) Jimmy: That's good. Physiotherapist: Okay Jimmy. Other leg. Jimmy: Um I think I'm gonna keep stretching this one. I'm just feeling a little stiff. In the hallway at school (Jimmy is rolling around giving high five's to everyone he sees, he does a little pump fist action with Mr. Simpson and then rolls over to Spinner.) Jimmy: I owe you a huge solid. Spinner: Okay, what's up? Jimmy: Something's up alright. Spinner: What the team's free throw percentage? Jimmy: I had my lunch time physio. Took your advice. Spinner: What advice? Jimmy: It was very relaxing. Spinner: Uh huh? Jimmy: Dude! Spinner: What? Jimmy: Wow. (Jimmy whispers what happened in Spinner's ear.) Spinner: Oh no! No way. Ah and here comes just the person you can share it with. Catch you later. Jimmy: Yeah. (Ashley walks over.) Jimmy: Hey. (He kisses her hand.) Ashley: Someone's happy. Jimmy: More than you know. What do you say we get our sushi on tonight? Just us. Ashley: A date? Yeah sure. So what's the occasion? Jimmy: I just have a good feeling about tonight. That's all. At Spirit Squad tryouts (Every girl that tries out is horrible.) Manny: If I see another mangled turkey. Darcy: Just one more corpse, then the final thanks, but no thanks. Manny: Who's Mia Jones? Mia: Mia. I uh just transferred here. Darcy: Okay Mia. Break a leg. (She starts her routine and Manny and Darcy are very impressed.) Mia: We're mad. We're bad. We're gonna kick your ass. We'll beat you. Defeat you. Might even try to eat you. We're nasty. We're sassy. 'Cause baby we're Degrassi. Go Degrassi! (She finishes her routine.) Mia: So how about that call-back? Manny: Well obviously! Darcy: For the rest of you show's over. Me and Manny are talking Spirit Squad tonight. Manny: Now that we've met you, we have serious world domination to plan. Get your butt to the Dot at 8. Mia: My butt'll be there. At the sushi restaurant, Jimmy shows Ashley the picture he drew of her Ashley: It's beautiful Jimmy. Jimmy: Your eyes and your lips and the way the light hits your cheek, it's all burned into my memory. Ashley: Thank you. Jimmy: No Ash thank you. You're my number 1, before everything. It's all you. Ashley: You know I was um hoping to pose for you someday, but like you said good things come to those who wait. Jimmy: I think that wait is about to end. My parents are going out later and I was thinking you could come over tonight. Ashley: You sure? I mean why now? Jimmy: Let's just say I think I'm finally ready and able. At the Dot Darcy: What is the one trophy missing from the Degrassi wall of glory? Manny: Metro Cheerleading Competition. Darcy: And with you, me and our new secret weapon, I think we're ready to take this squad to a whole new level. (Mia walks in with her daughter.) Mia: Hey guys. Um this is my daughter Isabella. Isabella, meet Manny and Darcy. Manny: Oh my god she's adorable. Darcy: That's your baby? Manny: Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit. Spirit Squad, schmirit squad. I have to hear all about this little angel. Hi my name's Manny and you are just so cute. (Darcy sits there silently with a disapproving look on her face.) At Jimmy's house, Ashley walks downstairs in her lingerie Jimmy: Wow. You look wow. (They start making out and it cuts to Jimmy with his shirt off.) Ashley: Everything okay? Jimmy: Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. Don't stop. (It cuts again to them still making out when Jimmy pulls back.) Jimmy: You know what? There's nothing you can do. You should probably just go. At Ashley's locker Jimmy: Ashley. (Ashley walks away from him.) Jimmy: Ash I'm sorry about what happened last night or in my case what didn't happen. Ashley: You know what? You should apologize, not for that. Jimmy when a girl throws herself at you, you don't kick her out. Jimmy: I'm sorry. I just, I couldn't deal. Ashley: Look so it was a bad idea. Jimmy it doesn't matter. We could totally live without ever...you know. Jimmy: Okay we cannot live without you know. I'm going to make this work. (Ashley sits down and takes his hands.) Ashley: There are methods. I've done some research. Medical options. Jimmy: I know. That's why I made a doctor's appointment. (Ashley kisses him.) At Spirit Squad auditions Manny: 5, 6, 7, 8. Hey are you ready? Are you ready to shout it out? Blue and gold, we are Degrassi. (They finish the cheer.) Manny: That was great. You are not making this decision easy. Darcy: Uh Mia up front. Drop the poms. Let's see a heal stretch. Mia: Sure. (Mia does a heal stretch.) Darcy: How about a back walkover? (Mia does a walkover.) Darcy: Toe touch? (Mia does a toe touch.) Darcy: Needs work and would it kill you to smile? Manny: What's your problem? She's our girl Darcy. Darcy: Fine. Go back to your cheers. Manny: Okay uh we're gonna try something a little different. [SCENE_BREAK] At Jimmy's doctor's appointment Jimmy: I was into it, she was into it, we were in the moment and uh nothing. Doctor: And the other time you had an erection, were you in the moment then? Jimmy: I'm not attracted to my physiotherapist. It just, it just happened. Doctor: I understand. Jimmy it's good that you have some activity. It just seems a little involuntary. You know not there when you need it, there when you don't. Jimmy: Like uh waiting for a bus. Doctor: Look there are options for erectile dysfunction. Implants, pumps- Jimmy: Is that, is that all there is though? I have to turn into some s*x robot? Wind me up and watch me go? Doctor: Well implants and pumps, those are down the road. First things first. We're gonna get you on some medication. Jimmy: Ah as in the pill that gets the middle aged people dancing in the streets. Doctor: Well it can be effective in some cases, yeah. Jimmy: What if it's not though? I mean...I just don't want to be a virgin for the rest of my life. Doctor: If this doesn't work we explore the other options. You take one, give it an hour and remember to relax, okay? At Jimmy's house Ashley: Should I put some music on? Jimmy: No. I like the quiet. Ashley: Let's see here. (She picks up a pamphlet.) Ashley: It says side effects may include increased tension, muscle spasms, upset stomach, diarrhoea. Jimmy: Great. Now I'm in the mood. Ashley: Well it says it could take over an hour. Jimmy: It's been almost two. Ashley: Well did you have a big lunch or anything? Jimmy: No I'm starving myself. I just want to make sure this will work. Ashley: Maybe you just need to relax. (She starts giving him a massage.) Ashley: See isn't that nice? Jimmy: Yeah. (Jimmy gives up when nothing happens and turns on the TV.) Ashley: What's wrong? Jimmy: Just forget it. Strike two. In the hallway Manny: I say forget about cheers. If we want to win the Metro Competition it needs to be more about dance, gymnastics, stunts, pyramids. Mia: Yeah that's assuming I'm even on the squad. Captain Darcy's been giving me the freeze-a-chills. Manny: She's a bit uptight, but she wants to win as bad as I do. (Mia nods towards Darcy who is putting up the members list.) Manny: No. No. Darcy someone's missing from this list! Darcy: Everyone who deserves to be on the team is there. Manny: Yeah right. Nobody deserves to be on the team more than Mia does. Darcy: Sorry Manny. My decision's final. In the gym before the girls basketball game starts Nic: You're going down Degrassi. (JT looks at the opposing team's members.) JT: Woah. They're big. Toby: Size isn't everything JT. (JT gives Toby a dirty look and Mia walks over to Darcy in a uniform.) Darcy: What is this? Manny: You can't keep her off the team. Mia: You know I deserve this or is there some sort of no single moms policy? Darcy: Mia your baby is a huge responsibility and well, so is Spirit Squad. I'm sorry. Manny: When my new manicure meets your face, then you'll be sorry. Mia: Darcy, Isabella has daycare. She can be taken care of whenever I'm at practice. I can do both. Darcy: How can I believe someone who's made such enormous life mistakes. Mia: Mistakes? Darcy: Unless you got knocked up on purpose, in which case you've got even bigger issues. (Mia pushes Darcy and Darcy falls into Nic.) Nic: Degrassi chicks can't stop throwing themselves at me. (He sees Mia.) Nic: Mia Jones. So Degrassi's picking up all the other school's trash now. Hey did you ever figure out who the father is? (Mia slaps Nic and it starts a huge fight between everyone. Toby's glasses break and JT falls down.) JT: What's your problem?! (Nic pushes JT and he hits Nic with the mascot head.) Outside the school JT: Man two weeks detention. Toby: I know. Now I've got to find a new panther mascot. JT: What can I say? When the school needed me I pounced. Toby: Yeah well that's great, but now who's going to entertain the fans? (JT looks at Toby and shrugs.) Toby: Don't even think about it. Nic: Hey Degrassi nerds. If I were you, I'd sleep with one eye open. This isn't over. (He shakes the fence and Toby flinches.) JT: Detention never sounded so good. In the foyer Ashley: Forfeiting, not the same as losing. Jimmy: Sure. Whatever. Ashley: You going home? 'Cause we still have that media immersion assignment. We could just hang out. Do some homework. No lingerie, no pills, no pressure. Jimmy: You know what? Come over tonight and get your stuff. I can't do this. At Darcy's locker Manny: Mia's in with Ms. H getting lectured. I hope you're happy. Darcy: She's a teenage mother Manny, with a violent streak. Manny: And somehow you have the right to punish her? Darcy: She has better things to do than wave pom poms. Manny: And you're just so concerned for her daughter. Spare me. (Darcy walks away as Mia walks over.) Mia: I'm off the squad. Problem solved. Manny: Well then I quit. Mia: And let mean girl take over? Don't be stupid. They need you. At Jimmy's house (Ashley walks in and hands Jimmy a CD player.) Ashley: This is yours. Jimmy: You know what? You can keep it. I don't want it. Ashley: Thought you wanted to break up. Jimmy: I don't. We just may as well do it now. It's gonna happen eventually. Ashley: Why would you say that? What, did you get your palm read? Tarot cards? Jimmy: Look if I can't do this, how long you really gonna stick around? 6 months, a year? Ashley: Why do guys always think about one thing? Jimmy: I'm thinking about a lot of things. What if I can't, ever? Ashley: Then we deal with it. Who cares? Jimmy: I care Ashley. I'm a virgin. Do you get it? Do you know what it feels like to know that your epitaph is gonna read 'Jimmy Brooks: crippled virgin'? I mean I can't walk. I can't run. I can't dance. I can't play basketball. I can't even...I can't even make love to you. Ashley: But you can Jimmy. You can. Jimmy: No I can't. Ashley: Says who? Who says s*x has to be just one thing? Jimmy, there are a lot of ways to make love. Jimmy: I know Ash. I know, but this isn't just about s*x. This is about whether I can do all the things that I want to do. This is about whether I can be the man that I want to be. Ashley: You're the man that I want you to be Jimmy. Isn't that enough? (They lean towards each other so their foreheads touch.) Jimmy: Yeah.

Jimmy starts coaching the girls' basketball team and wants to take his relationship with Ashley to the next level but, since his paralysis, he has not been able to get an erection. Meanwhile, Darcy, as the new Spirit Squad captain, clashes with choreographer Manny over new girl Mia.

fd_Alias_03x02

fd_Alias_03x02_0

(Black screen BERLIN. Push through the R. Berlin skyline at night. A janitor in a hallway is mopping the floor. He is wearing headphones, as if listening to a Walkman. Two men walk up from behind him, speaking to each other in German. Texttype across the screen identifies the building as the LEIZIG AEROSPACE HEADQUARTERS. One of them men says "Good nacht," to the janitor as they pass him. The janitor replies, "Izt morgen," as they get into the elevator. The two men get into the elevator, still speaking to each other in German. The doors to the elevator slide closed. The janitor turns on a comm in his ear.) Janitor (in Russian): They're in the elevator. Head of Op (in Russian): The clamp is set. (pushes a button on a device he's sitting next to) Activating the charge. Voice over Comm (in Russian): Acknowledged. ETA one minute. (We see the elevator box descending through the shaft, then a view of the digital readout inside the car, clicking down 29, 28, 27. Cut to the two men, still speaking to each other in German. Cut to the device about ready to detonate. it explodes. We see the elevator begin plummeting down the shaft. Cut to reaction of the men in the car and then back to the car descending in the shaft. Cut back to the digital readout as the numbers whiz by 21, 20, 19, 18... The two men in the car are screaming. Suddenly, as the car reaches the 13th floor, it stops. we see a cable attached to one of the broken ones stretching taut. Then suddenly, the car starts rocketing upward. the younger of the two men in the car is screaming again. We see the car as it rockets up the shaft and then right out of the roof, where it is being carried, attached to a heliocopter and flying away into the night. ) (Black Screen. LOS ANGELES. Push through the G. We look through a fence in what appears to be the warehouse. Two figures sit huddled over a small table.) Jack(voiced over the scene): Okay, Sydney, the test is over. (cut to Sydney removing two disks that were covering her eyes) Jack: If you were still under the influence of any valid brainwashing technique, I'd know it. As for your memory loss, some forms of torture, electroconvulsive shock therapy for example, can cause amnesia. Sydney: He was unarmed. Dad, I slit that man's throat. Jack: Your remorse is premature. Without knowing the circumstances, you can't be sure you didn't have just cause. Sydney: I know you don't want the CIA to see this tape to protect me, but maybe they should. Jack: Sydney, they'll detain you indefinitely. If they learn you murdered Lazarey, you won't be able to participate in finding out what happened to you over the last two years, which, frankly, I need you for. (Jack stands up from the table. Sydney follows suit.) Sydney: I don't trust myself right now, Dad. Maybe the CIA shouldn't either. Jack: Well, I trust you. I'll keep looking into Lazarey. Your mother may be helpful...assuming she's still alive. I haven't spoken to her in a year, but we established a protocol for making contact. I'll try and reach her. You deserve to get on with your life. (Cut to an aerial shot of houses along a beachfront. Cut to Sydney, standing in front of a breakfast bar, wiping it down. The background is littered with moving boxes. Weiss walks in from a side door, carrying a moving box.) Weiss: Why does moving heavy objects automatically mean, uh, that I need one of those beers? Chop, chop! (Sydney smiles, grabs a beer bottle from a sixpack on the counter, twists off the top and turns to hand it to him.) Sydney: Maybe because you're a slave to advertising. Weiss: Thank you. (Sydney walks across living room to unpack a box) Weiss: Is that a smile? It's nice to see that again. (Sydney looks up a little surprised, gives a cute, embarrassed smile, and looks down again.) Sydney: Yeah. Weiss: You're sure you're okay with this? I mean, are you going to be all right? By yourself? Sydney: I just can't wrap my head around it. I mean, Francie's been dead for two years, but I feel like I saw her a few days ago. And...now that Will is in witness protection, I can't even contact him. All my friends are just...gone. Weiss: Not all your friends... (Sydney smiles, then looks around and sits on couch.) Sydney: This place isn't so bad... Weiss: (laughs) Come on. Two blocks from the beach! Are you kidding me!? And you've got me as a neighbor... trust me, you're set. Sydney (seriously): Can I ask you something? (Weiss turns around from taking a swig of his beer.) Weiss: Yeah. Sydney: Vaughn's wife...What's she like? Weiss (looks down uncomfortably, sighs, then sits down): I'm not sure if you really wanna hear this. (Sydney looks at him expectantly.) Weiss: When Vaughn heard that you were dead? He dropped off the face of the earth. I mean, literally, Syd, he..he was..he was out of the country for, like, six months. You need to know that he was not cavalier about moving on. (Sydney nods painfully.) Weiss: I mean, I could barely convince him to consider coming back to the Agency. Sydney (surprised): He's thinking about coming back? (Weiss can't seem to maintain eye contact with Sydney now. He looks everywhere but her.) Weiss (more softly now): Well...you don't have to worry about that, 'cause it's not gonna happen. Sydney: Because of me...because I came back, right? (Weiss pauses to consider an answer, then his phone rings. Sydney continues to ponder what Weiss has just said...and not said.) Weiss: Weiss. Yeah. Got it. We'll be right there. (Sydney sighs. Cut to black.) Voiceover of unknown man's voice: At 1300 UTC, two agents of the Central Intelligence Agency were abducted in Berlin. (Scene of the two men sitting in a dark room against a wall, bound and gagged. A door opens and a man walks in. We only see his leg and an arm as he reaches down and drags the younger of the two agents to his feet as he appears to protest from behind his gag.) We claim responsibility for this act of aggression against the world's remaining superpower. (Two men take the younger agent and forcibly throw him backward onto a metal medical table and chain his arms down.) Who we are, is unimportant. What we represent is unimportant. (Cut to a gray-haired man with a scar down the left side of his face and eye, holding a hacksaw. The man on the table is screaming in terror.) What we want it to be heard. (The scene of the "doctor" as he stands over his "patient' while two guards stand by from the doorway of the room. The door swings closed.) (Cut to the briefing room of the JTF as Sydney, Jack, Dixon, Weiss, and Marshall listen to the audiotaped message.) Voice: Within this audio file are coordinates leading to a designated location. Go there. Retrieve the package. Follow our demands. Jack (as photos of the abducted men appear on screen in the middle of the room): The two agents, Klein and Rotter, were working undercover for us at Laszig Aerospace. We believe they were abducted by a group known as "The Covenant," a loose affiliation of Russian Nationalists, comprised of former Central Committee members, and retired KGB; that we know little about them. The Covenant seems to function like an organized crime family. Marshall: Now the pickup location the Covenant specified is a theater in Munich in the...red light district, actually...it's an adult theater. Now, I checked and um, today's feature, now a rough translation...I don't actually speak German...it's "Penal Code, Part Deux" if anybody...cares...I have the times... Dixon: I don't like the idea of sending someone in alone to pick up the package. Jack: It's doubtful they'd betray us at this stage. Breaking their own rules before we even know their demands would result in a loss of negotiating credibliity. Sydney: I'll go. I want to. Dixon: Run the optech with Marshall. That's it. (People get up to leave) Syd, stay a minute. (Jack and Syd exchange a look before Jack leaves.) Dixon: I'd rather send Weiss. You're allowed to give yourself time before you jump back in with both feet. Sydney: The best way I can think of to start feeling normal is to start acting that way. I need this. Dixon: I'm allowing you to go, but you should know...you're not the only CIA operative that's experienced lost time. There's a group. Their next meeting's at the end of the week. (Off Sydney's reaction we, cut to black. MUNICH. Push through the C. Night scene of what is supposedly the red light district Marshall spoke of. A lone man in spectacles sits watching the movie. Sydney pushes the curtain aside and enters the theater.) Sydney: I'm in the theater. (Cut to a building schematic lit up in green on a computer screen. Weiss is leaning over it.) Weiss: We've got you on fly-by, Mountaineer. The perimeter's clear, no suspect signals...we're on standby. (Shot widens. Jack and Dixon are standing behind Weiss, listening to comms. Cut back to Sydney in theater. She walks down the aisle and then stops, looking down a row of seats with a flashlight. She holds the flashlight under her arm and pulls out latex gloves, putting them on. She kneels down and pulls a box from under a seat. It's about the size of a large shoe box, maybe slightly larger. It's wrapped in brown paper.) Sydney: It's a box; I'm sweeping it for explosives. (Sydney uses a device over the box. Cut to Jack's reaction.) Sydney (voiceover): It's clean. Going to open it up. (Camera pans to Dixon, also looking concerned.) Dixon: Proceed with caution, Mountaineer. (Sydney opens the box and moves aside some bubble wrap, feeling around the edge of the box with one gloved hand. She pulls her hand out of the box; her fingertips are covered in blood.) Sydney (to herself): Oh, God... (We see the box as she moves aside the bubble wrap. It's the severed head of the younger agent, Klein, eyes closed, a paper sticking out of his mouth. Sydney breathes hard, reacting to the sight of the severed head. Cut to Dixon on comms.) Dixon: What is it? Sydney: One of the agents...Klein... (cut to reaction of Marshall, then Weiss)...it's his head. (Pan up to Jack and Dixon). There's a piece of paper wedged in his mouth. Gimme a sec. (Sydney extracts the paper and opens it). It's written in Russian. I have their list of demands. (Cut to black. End of Act One) [SCENE_BREAK] (Aerial scene of LA, daytime. Cut to conference room at the JTF. Dixon is pacing while other meeting members are sitting.) Dixon: The death of Peter Klein is a great loss to this agency, but keep in mind that his colleague is still alive, and it's our job to bring him home. (Cut to Lindsay, then Sydney.) Dixon: National Security Counsel Director Robert Lindsay will be coordinating with us. (Dixon sits.) Lindsay: As some of you already know, the Covenant has agreed to return our remaining agent in exchange for the release of Mr. Sark. (Cut to reaction of Jack.) I'm here to inform you, trading Sark for your remaining asset has been approved by the NSC. Sydney: Wait a minute...we can't just let him go! Lindsay: To the best of our knowledge, Sark's been bled dry of every piece of intel he knows. The burden of criminal justice not withstanding, he now has a value to us only as a commodity in trade. Sydney: Without even knowing why these people want Sark, how can we even consider this!? Lindsay: We think we know why they want him. They want him so they can kill him. Intelligence provided by Arvin Sloane (Cut to a look shared by Sydney and Dixon and then back to Lindsay) indicates that Sark may be responsible for the death of a high ranking member within the Covenant. They may want revenge. Sydney: If your 'revenge' theory is wrong, we're setting a terrorist free, to say nothing of the fact that taking Arvin Sloane's intel at face value is insane. Lindsay: While I'm fully aware of your history with Sloane, if Director Dixon can trust him, I think you can, too. Dixon: For the record, I don't. I never will. But I can't deny that, despite my feelings for Sloane, he has provided us with accurate intelligence for over a year now. I'm authorizing the trade. You and Weiss will escort Mr. Sark to the exchange point in Mexico. You'll leave in four hours. (Lindsay gets up from the table and starts to walk off, as he passes by Dixon's chair he speaks.) Lindsay: I'll come back... (Jack and Sydney both give Lindsay a dirty look as he leaves. Cut to Jack and Sydney walking in the JTF rotunda.) Sydney: Since when did the NSC become so eager to negotiate with terrorists? Jack: Bob Linsday has the White House spin machine ready to cover him when his actions prove ill advised. He's nearly untouchable. Sydney: I'd love to prove that wrong. Jack: You've come close enough in forcing his hand with my release. While you're in Mexico making the exchange, I'm going to Zurich to see Sloane. He'll be expecting me and we should appear predictable. (Sydney stops walking, staring at something. Cut to a plaque on the wall with the title "Agents Killed In Action". Cut to a closeup of Sydney's name on the plaque. ) Jack: I'll have that adjusted. (Sydney turns to look at Jack.) Sydney: Where was I buried? Jack: You were...cremated. Vaughn spread your ashes at sea. (Cut to a college campus. It does not appear to be the same one Sydney went to school at. Cut to Vaughn standing behind a desk in a classroom, speaking in French.) Vaughn: N'oubliez pas lundi soir "les 400 coups", on le joue la Cin math que. D'autre part, ce sera une version sans sous-titres. (Translation: Don't forget on Monday evening "Les 400coups" is showing at the film library. Moreover, it will be without subtitles. *Thanks to vaughn ally for the French and the translation*) So, if you guys didn't understand what I just said...good luck on the quiz... (Students snicker, then get up to leave. Vaughn is looking through some paperwork. Sydney enters the room as the students exit. She looks nervous, anxious. Vaughn looks up, noticing someone there. He's shocked to see her there. His expression turns anxious and tense, as if steeled against another outburst. Vaughn doesn't know what to expect from Sydney. He sighs. Sydney meets his eyes.) Sydney (softly, sort of wistfully/painfully): You're a French teacher, huh? Vaughn (pauses, answering cautiously): Yeah. Sydney: I know that you're thinking about coming back...to the Agency. (Cut to Vaughn's reaction. He still has the same expression on his face. He's waiting to find out what Sydney wants, why she's there.) Sydney: On the off chance that your hesitation is out of some courtesy to me...you can forget about it. I...I mean... I can handle you being there. Don't worry about me. (Cut back to Vaughn's reaction. He looks off, as if in deep, troubled thought, then looks down and away. He takes a step or two closer to Sydney, while Sydney crosses her arms across herself in a self-protective gesture. Vaughn sighs again, then speaks, mildly defensive.) Vaughn: The other day you said I gave up on us because I didn't have faith; that somehow you didn't mean enough to me. Sydney (pained): When I said that, I was... Vaughn (earnestly, in a pained half-whisper): No, let me finish. (Cut to Sydney, she looks at him, sorrow and pain reflected in her eyes.) Vaughn: After you died, I used to talk to you...like you were still around. Literally, out loud, whole conversations about...nothing (Vaughn looks lost in memory as he speaks): the weather...Should I get a new car? Should I have another drink?... (Cut to Sydney. She's clearly hurting for Vaughn. Cut back to Vaughn as he continues to speak.) Vaughn (meeting her eyes now): Then one day...you started answering. (shakes his head slightly...his voice turns a bit unsteady and hoarse.) I mean, I could hear you in my head...like you were right next to me, Sydney. (Cut to Sydney. It looks like she wants to cry. Cut back to Vaughn.) Vaughn: And although rationally I knew I was a guy who...stayed up nights drinking...talking to his dead girlfriend... Still, I couldn't stop. (Cut to Sydney. Her eyes are watery. Cut back to Vaughn.) Vaughn: So, before you tell me you can handle me coming back to the CIA, there are two things you need to know: First...is that I was so in love with you...that it nearly killed me. (Cut to Sydney, eyes still watery, her face awash in pain and sorrow, and then back to Vaughn.) Vaughn: And second...(Vaughn shakes his head)...that I don't regret moving on with my life. (Cut to Sydney. She's devestated by what Vaughn went through. She nods.) (Cut to scene of Zurich at night. Cut to Sloane's office. His personal assistant is in the room with him.) Assistant: The president of the World Bank that you stop by his table. We've received word that he's...willing to make a sizable contribution to our cancer research. (A man walks in with a file folder. Sloane opens it and signs it, still talking to his assistant.) Sloane: His wife's a vegetarian, so make sure she's attended to. (His phone rings; he answers. He's wearing an earpiece, so we don't hear what is said to him.) Yeah. Send him in. (Sloane hands the folder back to the man and speaks to both of them.) I need you to excuse me. (They leave. He takes his earpiece out. From Sloane's point of view, we see Jack Bristow enter.) Jack: A world relief organization...the sheer audacity of your alleged turnaround would be laughable, if you weren't so dangerous. (Sloane smirks.) Sloane: I was wondering when you'd come to see me, Jack. Jack: You don't really expect me to believe that you've changed. Sloane: I expect you to believe in the consistency of my obsessions. Jack, I pursued the Rambaldi puzzle across the world for over 30 years. It never occurred to me that when the artifacts were finally assembled, that they would produce nothing more than a message...of peace. Jack: Personally, I would have found it anticlimactic...that after expecting to assemble a weapon of ultimate power, you ended up with a revelation you could have acquired from a fortune cookie. (Sloane smirks again.) Sloane: Always the aetheist, Jack. Hmm... I've missed you. (Jack walks forward menacingly.) Jack: I'll come to the point. I believe you're responsible for Sydney's disappearance. Tell me why, right now, and give her the peace of mind she deserves. In exchange, I'll halt my efforts to invalidate your pardon agreement. Sloane: Jack, don't go digging; you won't find anything. I know that you were imprisoned for making contact with your ex-wife. You went to Irina Derevko for help to find Sydney. Now I wouldn't have believed that you would ally yourself with a woman you vowed you'd never trust again. So, if you're capable of having such a change of heart, why is it so hard to believe that I am as well? Jack: Because every morally questionable thing I have done has been to protect Sydney. You don't have the same excuse. Sloane: Really? (Sloane retrieves a mini disc from a davenport and returns to face Jack.) Sloane: I investigated Sydney's death, too. This file contains all the leads I pursued...mostly dead ends. (He slides the disc across the desk toward Jack.) I'm hoping you'll find something in it that's useful. I trust that you will look at it...before you dismiss it outright. (Jack picks up the disk.) Jack: Should I take this as your official denial of any involvement in Sydney's disappearance? (Sloane nods.) Jack: Then, you've just made the worst mistake of your life. I'm going to bury you. (They stare each other down, then Jack turns and starts walking away. Cut to black. End of Act Two.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to cell door sliding upward. Sydney walks through to stand before the glass of Irina's old chamber. Sark is sitting on his bunk, head against the wall, knees up, with his arms lying across his knees.) Sydney: I wanted a word before you get traded. (Sark looks over at Sydney, clearly shocked. He gets off his bunk and walks to the glass to face Sydney.) Sark: Dear God, it can't possibly be you... Sydney: Don't start this conversation by acting surprised that I'm alive. Sark: Sydney...you know how highly I regard your abilities as an operative, but...even I didn't think you were capable of cheating death once your remains had been identified...which begs the question...if it wasn't your body they removed from the ashes...whose was it? Sydney: I read the transcripts of your confessions...including the fact that you and a woman named Allison Doren killed my friend...Francie. Sark: If you've read my transcript, you know how cooperative I've been. I'll be glad to pay you the same courtesy if you simply tell me what you're getting at. Sydney: That explosion in my apartment was a cover up...to make the CIA believe I was dead. What I believe is that Sloane abducted me, I think you know why...but you failed to mention that in your confession. Sark: If I'm to understand what you're saying, you have no idea where you've been for the last two years. (Sydney doesn't answer.) Sark: None? (Sydney gives Sark a dirty look. Sark lets out a short laugh.) Sark: Unbelievable! (snickers again) I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, it's just...I'm speechless. Sydney, if Sloane had intended to abduct you, I wasn't privy to it. Sydney: What if I said I still don't believe you? Sark: I'd say it'd make no difference. In 24 hours I'll be free, and...you'll remain in the dark. (Sark and Sydney stare each other down, then finally, as Sydney turns to leave...) Sydney: See you in Mexico. (Cut to black. MEXICO. Push through the X. A deserted desert plain, hills in the background (filmed with an amber lens...everything looks yellowish). Two vans in the distance drive toward the camera. Cut to Sydney, speaking to other team members in one of the vans. Sydney: We've agreed to a location in the Sonora desert as the point of exchange. Each side is allowed no more than a five man cover team. (Cut to the two vans as they stop. The team starts to disembark from one van.) Sydney (voiceover): Once the exchange is initiated, Sark and Rotter will be released simultaneously. (Sydney disembarks from van, walks over to the other van. Cut to Sark sitting in the van and then Sydney as she bends down next to him to remove his foot shackles. She looks up at him and they make eye contact.) Sark: I assure you, this organization, the Covenant, is as much a mystery to me as it is to the CIA. I can't imagine why they'd want to make this trade. Sydney: You're about to find out. Sark: My life's in danger, isn't it? (Sydney makes eye contact, but doesn't answer. Cut to two other vehicles as they drive toward the exchange point. Cut to Sark as he steps out of the van, followed by Sydney. Cut back to two sedans driving closer. Cut back to Sydney and Sark standing, watching their approach. Cut to wide screen view of the two vans on one side, the two sedans on the other side, with plenty of space between them. Cut to the two sedans. Three men climb out of the first sedan. One holds a flare gun up into the air and sends a flare into the sky. Cut back to Sydney, standing next to Sark.) Sydney: Space Ops, we've received a call signal. Should I confirm? Dixon: You're authorized, Mountaineer. (Sydney points her flare gun into the air and fires. Close up on Sydney as she waits. People in the other sedan get out. Cut to a close up of Rotter. Cut back to Sydney.) Sydney: We have a visual on Agent Rotter. Dixon: Roger, Mountaineer. Release the prisoner. (Cut to Rotter as he begins to walk toward the CIA side of the exchange. Cut to Sydney unlocking Sark's handcuffs. He looks toward her, clearly uncomfortable.) Sydney: You're up. (Cut to wide angle shot of Sark and Rotter as they walk toward each other. Cut to close up of Sark walking. Cut to close up of Rotter walking. Cut to Sydney and Weiss as they stand watching. Cut to Sark and Rotter approaching each other in the middle. Cut to Sydney, she's noticed something amiss. Cut to three vehicles approaching the exchange area. As Sark and Rotter meet in the middle, Sark puts up a hand to halt Rotter's progress, nodding toward the group of cars that Sydney's noticed. They both stare in that direction. Cut to the six Covenent men as they turn and look behind them. Cut to the three oncoming vehicles, then back to Sydney and Weiss.) Sydney: Space Ops, we have incoming vehicles. We need an Iden immediately. Dixon: They're not ours, Mountaineer. We're trying to get a visual. Stand by. Sydney: If we don't finish this trade before those vehicles get here, the Covenant will think it's a doublecross. (The vehicles get closer. They're police cars. Cut back to Sydney and Weiss as we hear heliocopter blades whirring. She and Weiss turn and look behind them as a heliocopter comes over the closest hill toward them.) Sydney: There's a chopper inbound. It's one of ours! (The heliocopter flies overhead and emits an announcement.) Voice: CIA operatives! This is Sgt. Trask of Delta Force! Put down your weapons! This operation has been countermanded by the National Security Council! (The Covenant members begin firing at the heliocopter and jumping into their vehicles. Cut to Sydney and Weiss as they move around the side of the van.) Weiss: Take cover! (Cut to Sark and Rotter, who both lay down on the ground to get out of the fire exchange. Cut to Covenant members still shooting at copter and getting in vehicles. A police car screeches into view. The Covenant members start shooting at the police car. Cut back to Sydney and co. using the vans as cover.) Dixon: Sydney, report! Sydney (yelling over sounds of gunfire): Delta Force just showed up out of nowhere! Lindsay ambushed us! (fires her weapon) Dixon (to ops officer on comms at desk he's standing over): Get me Bob Lindsay! Now! (Back to gunfight. A Covenant member is shot. A policeman is shot. Members of the CIA team firing. Cut back to a really ticked off Dixon.) Dixon: Don't tell me to calm down! You used my agents as bait! Lindsay: I'm trying to reaquire your missing agent without releasing Mr. Sark. Now, I'm sorry I didn't fill you in, Director Dixon, but I don't trust the CIA to maintain operational secrecy. Dixon: You son of a bitch! Lindsay: Yeah...can I get back to you, Director? I'm a little busy... (Dixon hangs up on Lindsay. Cut back to policemen in the gunfight. They shoot another Covenant operative. Cut to Delta Force members in heliocopter taking aim and firing. Cut to Covenant member as he takes out the oil or fuel line on the heliocopter. The heliocopter starts to lose altitiude. The head Covenant operative runs around the side of his car to drag one of his men who has been shot out of the way so he can get in the car. Cut to Sydney.) Sydney: Great! (Head Covenant member drives the car forward as the other car provides his cover, shooting another one of the police officers. He pulls up next to Sark and Rotter, still lying on the ground and points a gun at them.) Covenant member: Both of you! Get in! Go! (Both Sark and Rotter get up and scramble toward the car. Sydney sees this and starts bolting toward the car. More gunfighting between Covenant operatives and the police and CIA agents.) Weiss: Psycho's getting away with both of 'em! (Sydney runs toward the car, but they're too far ahead. She yanks off her sunglasses and holsters her gun. She's ticked. Cut to black. End of Act Three.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Aerial view looking down over LA in daytime. Cut to Lindsay, standing facing a urinal. He flushes it, then partially turns. Although the screen cuts him off at the waist, it's very clear he's zipping up his zipper. He walks around the corner to the sink and leans over, turning on the water and washing his hands. The frame widens. We see a reflection of Sydney in the mirror, standing behind Lindsay in the men's room, looking very 'hell hath no fury', but controlled, ticked off. Lindsay looks up, sees Sydney's reflection and jumps, getting water all down the front of his pants.) Lindsay: Son of a bitch! (He shakes water off his hands and looks down at his wet front.) Sydney: We should have gotten that last hostage back. We would have if... Lindsay: Who the hell do you think you are!? Sydney: I'm the person who's going to hold you accountable if they kill him! Lindsay: Oh, you're going to hold me responsible!? Sydney: Did I stutter? Lindsay: What exactly is the purpose of this conversation? (Sydney starts talking over him here) Did you want me to apologize...say I'm never going to do it again? Sydney: To let you know that I will take you to the mat...every time you pull something like this! I am not impressed by the fact that you play golf with the President... (Lindsay gives Sydney a condescending smirk) Sydney: It was moronic, and borderline criminal! Lindsay: Did it slip your mind that I am the Director of the National Security Council!? I could pick up the phone and have you thrown in the same jail cell your father just vacated...Hell, it's still warm! Sydney: Do it. Give me an object lesson in the abuse of power! Show me how it's done! Lindsay: If you're finished...this is the men's room... Sydney (snidely): Who let you in? (Sydney turns and walks out. Lindsay mutters under his breath and starts pulling paper towels out of the holder to clean off his front.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to black. Then we slide to the left to reveal Sark, sitting at a table under the lone light in the room, leaning both arms on the table. An empty chair sits before him. We hear a door open and Sark looks in that direction. It is the Covenant agent, carrying a wine bottle with a corkscrew sticking out of the top and two wine glasses.) Agent: Chateau Patreuse, 1982...Your favorite, no? (Sark looks rather surprised. The Agent sits down in the other seat before him.) Sark: Have we met? Agent: No...but you knew my brother. Antonin San'ko. Sark: And I suppose this is to be my last drink. (The Agent pulls the cork out of the wine bottle.) San'ko: Not necessarily. (Begins to pour wine into the wine glasses.) I know the bomb you placed in that vehicle was not meant for him. On the other hand, it does seem that you owe me... (takes a drink of the wine) Sark: And what would that price be? (San'ko finishes his mouthful of wine.) San'ko: 800 million dollars. Sark: 800 million dollars? I have nowhere near that amount in my nest egg. San'ko (smiling): That, Mr. Sark, you do... (San'ko slides the full wine glass over to Sark. Sark looks up at San'ko. Cut to Sydney walking into the rotunda of the JTF. She rounds a corner and stops. The camera pans 180 degrees so that we can see what she's looking at. It's Vaughn, dressed in a grey suit, talking to Dixon and shaking his hand. Close up of Sydney's reaction. There is pain in her eyes, but also a determination, as if saying 'I can do this.' Vaughn notices her standing there and stares, dropping Dixon's hand. Dixon turns, also sees Sydney, and beckons her over. She walks toward them and stops, standing next to Dixon.) Dixon: Sydney...Vaughn's qualified for reinstatement. (Dixon's voice continues as voiceover of following scene) Until his field rating's been updated, he'll be on analysis, but he's back...effective immediately. If there are any special considerations either of you would like me to take into account, now's the time to speak up. (Close up of Sydney's face, then Vaughn's. Vaughn is clearly worried about Sydney's reaction; there's worry etched on his face. He looks at Dixon and then finally meets Sydney's eyes as if asking her, "Are you sure you're okay with this?" Cut to include all three of them in shot as Dixon continues talking. Vaughn stands with his hands clutched together in front of him, as if awaiting a verdict. Cut to Sydney. She looks away briefly and then back, meeting Vaughn's eyes. For a split second, we see emotion in Sydney's eyes, but then it's gone and she's all polite business.) Sydney: Welcome back. (She nods slightly.) Vaughn: Thanks. (He nods back. He looks over Sydney's shoulder toward the sound of footsteps. His mouth drops open slightly, we can tell he's steeling himself for something even worse than seeing Sydney... Slightly breathless, he says) Hello, Jack. (The look Jack gives Vaughn that is cold and unfriendly. Brings to mind the looks he gave Vaughn during their first meeting at the Chinese restaurant... a "You'd better hope I don't catch you alone in some dark alley, or else I might have to kill you for breaking my daughter's heart" look...before completely snubbing him and speaking to Dixon as if Vaughn wasn't even there and hadn't spoken to him. Jack (to Dixon): I just found out why the Covenant is interested in Mr. Sark. (Cut to Vaughn's reaction to the snub. He appears as if he was expecting it, but that it still hurt more than he wants to admit. He looks down.) Jack: At 10 o'clock this morning, Sark walked into the Thornton Bank in the Cayman Islands, accompanied by Ushek San'ko, a known operative of the Covenant. (Cut to scene of Sark with San'ko and another guard as they enter a hallway leading to a door. Sark puts his thumb on a pad next to the door. The door reads his thumbprint and the door opens, revealing a waisthigh square stack of gold bullion bricks about 8 feet by 8 feet. Sark looks shocked and amazed.) Sark: He was then led downstairs, where he used his thumbprint to access an executive vault. Inside the vault was a little over 800 million in gold bullion. More surprising is the fact that Sark had no idea he was entitled to that money... (Cut back to JTF) Dixon: Entitled? Jack: Eight months ago, an interagency memorandum reported the murder of a Russian diplomat by the name of Andrian Lazarey. (Cut to Sydney's reaction to this news. She gives a sideways glance at her father.) Jack: His murderer has never been found. (Cut back to Sydney again at the bland way Jack delivers that lie. She's clearly uncomfortable, and looks down.) Jack: However, a source of mine has provided evidence indicating he was a descendent of the Romanov royal family in Russia. The money was in his trust when he died. It went to Mr. Sark...Lazarey's son... (He looks at Sydney as he says this, she looks back, shocked. Weiss and Marshall walk up. Weiss is holding a file folder. He sees Vaughn standing there.) Weiss: Hey! Vaughn! (Vaughn smiles slightly, as if relieved to see a friendly face. Marshall smiles at Vaughn also.) Weiss: We tasked a satellite to track the enemy sedan once it left the desert. They were tracked to a Frankfurt night club known for selling top of the line synthetic drugs. Analysis thinks its a front for the Covenant. (Hands Dixon the folder) Dixon: Do we have reason to believe the last hostage is still alive? Jack: Yes. They're aware he's the team leader and therefore has the highest security clearance. The information they could extract from him would be priceless to our enemies. (Dixon looks at a photograph of a man inside the folder) Weiss: His name is Otto Edel. Drug dealer; he runs the club. He'll know where our agent's being held. Dixon (to Sydney): I want you to accompany the hostage rescue team. Marshall: Actually, I had an idea... I think Syd should go in as a biochem major, you know, Harvard dropout, totally spoiled, maybe she got kicked out for synthesizing Exstasy in her dormroom, or crystal crank... Dixon: Fine. Marshall, run the optech. (Cut to Jack and Sydney outside talking.) Jack: The CIA would have discovered Lazarey's connection to Sark on their own, so there was no added risk to you in breaking the news myself. Without that tape, the CIA can't link you to his death. Sydney: This can't be a coincidence. I'm responsible for Lazarey's death and nine months later, the Covenant gets Sark released in exchange for his 800 million dollar inheritance!? Jack: It's looking more likely they're responsible for your 2 year absence. Be it under duress, or by some...other unknown means, they compelled you to carry out the assassination. I've scheduled to contact your mother tonight; hopefully she'll be some help. (Cut to Jack's sedan sitting in an underground parking lot. Closeup of computer screen as he types a message in the AudioByts chat room (in red, all caps...his handle is Mozart_182): Distinguished composer looking for music lover. He puts a comm earpiece in that's connected to some voice program in his computer. A pop up box comes up that blinks: Handel_4me wants to chat privately... We hear Jack's audio program read Irina's response when Jack opens the private window: Couldn't believe it when I saw your ad in the London Globe. Jack types back: Glad you're alive. Then he types: Our daughter is alive. Irina's text pops up: My God. How is she? He types: Recovering, though she doesn't remember the last two years. Then he types: I need your help getting background on a man named Andrian Lazarey. Irina's response: Will upload all intel to our FTP dropsite. Then: Miss you. Jack pauses, then types: Miss you, too.) (Cut to black. FRANKFURT. Push through the U. A waitress with a short spiky blond hairdo dressed in a black top and short skirt walks by with two martini glasses on her tray. The bar is smoky. Some people dance, some are obviously under the influence of the drugs they sell there. In walks Sydney. She has a short black bob hairdo, small black framed glasses. A long black blazer is buttoned and she has a tie knotted around her neck and a long black skirt. She walks through the bar, reaching the entrance to the room where we see Edel on a couch with some young blonde babe. Sydney is stopped by one of the guards, who pats her down. He points to her pocket. She pulls out a Palm Pilot.) Sydney (pointing at Edel): It's for him. (Security guard shows the Palm Pilot to Edel. He nods and waves Sydney inside. She approaches Edel.) Edel: You're very attractive...for a chemist. (Sydney pretends to be flattered, smiling and looking down.) Sydney: Thank you for meeting with me. Edel: I like to keep my options open, although I doubt you can improve on my little...cocktail. Sydney: I can triple your sales. Edel: Really? How? Sydney: By making your drug more addictive. (She turns on the Palm Pilot. There is a rotating schematic of a chemical compound on it. She hands it to Edel. While he's looking at the schematic, Sydney starts unbuttoning her blazer, revealing a black corset top.) Sydney: Take a look. (Edel does look...at her. Sydney smiles. Cut to black. End of Act Four.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Camera pans from feet of dancing clientele in bar up to Sydney dancing with Edel.) Edel: Very impressive. Where did you learn your trade? Sydney: I was a biochem major at Harvard, not that I think they'll be asking me to make any commencement speeches in the near future. (she smiles up at Edel) Edel: Their loss...my gain. Sydney: I need one liter of your product. Edel: Oh! Just like that, hmmm? (playfully, he sounds amused by her) Sydney: I'll chemically alter it according to the spec you saw and have it back to you within the week. If you don't see demand go up, you owe me nothing. Edel: Somehow I would not mind being indebted to you. (Sydney laughs and touches her lips playfully with a finger. Cut to Edel's office as Edel closes the door behind himself. Sydney is already in the room. She slides her fingers sensually along the desktop as she walks around it.) Edel: Make yourself comfortable. I will only be a moment. (Edel heads for his wall safe. She checks Edel when he's not looking and playfully fluffs her hair when he is. Edel turns to her and holds up a small vial.) Edel: This has a street value of 50,000 dollars. Sydney: Mind if I try it? Edel: Be my guest. (Sydney takes the bottle and grabs a syringe from the table, starting to load the drug into the needle.) Edel: Of course, if I'm going to let you walk out of here with that, I'll need some sort of...collateral. You understand. Sydney (innocently): I didn't bring any money. (Edel walks closer to her; stands right behind her) Edel: I do accept...other forms of payment... (Sydney holds up the syringe, as if ready to inject it) Edel: There's an air bubble in there... (Edel moves as if to help Sydney fix it. Sydney grabs his arm and twists it behind him. Cut to a view of Marshall sitting at a computer, Dixon standing over him. They are listening to the feed from Sydney. Both are wearing comms earpieces. Cut to Vaughn, standing over Marshall's other shoulder, also listening to the feed. The look on his face is hard to describe, almost as if he's worried, but doesn't want to show he is. His mouth drops open slightly as he listens to Sydney with Edel. He doesn't have a comms earpiece. They hear Edel's groans as Sydney twists his arm.) Sydney (voiceover): Do exactly as I say or I push the plunger. (Cut back to Sydney. She has forced Edel down into a chair. The syringe has been stuck into his neck.) Sydney: Where is the alarm terminal that protects the sub-basement? Edel (spits out): Bitch! (Cut to Marshall's shocked expression. He looks over his shoulder directly at Vaughn.) Sydney (voiceover): Tell me where it is or you get an aneurysm! (Cut to Vaughn. He doesn't notice Marshall's glance. He leans in closer, concern more plainly etched on his face. Cut back to Sydney and Edel.) Edel: Okay...down the hall, first door. But I only manage the facility, I do not know the codes, I swear! (Sydney elbows Edel in the side of the head, knocking him out. Slide cut to Sydney in the hallway, rounding a corner. She finds the alarm terminal.) Sydney: Mountaineer to Space Ops. I've found the alarm terminal. (Cut to JTF. Sliding pan of Dixon on comms and Vaughn standing beside him, both hands on his hips, listening to Sydney's transmission.) Sydney (voiceover): I'll need a minute to hack. Dixon: Copy that, Mountaineer. Blue team, do not breach until advised. Alarm is active. (Cut to chain link fence. Focus in on Weiss and a small team.) Weiss: Copy that, Space Ops. We're holding outside rear entrance. (Cut to closeup of Sydney's hands. She's holding one of her high heeled shoes. She slides the base off, revealing a small electronic device. She removes it and plugs it into a phone jack located on the alarm panel.) Weiss (voiceover): Once Mountaineer disables the alarm, we'll proceed inside. Dixon (voiceover): Copy that. Mountaineer, your entrance to the sublevel will be through the last door down on the north hallway. (Cut to Marshall's computer screen as it displays in green the 3D layout of the building. Vaughn leans closer, looking at the schematic over Marshall's shoulder.) Vaughn: Marshall, why does all this cabling run to the control room? Marshall: Looks like...some sort of filtration system... (Cut to Vaughn, studying the scematics closer, worried. Cut to closeup of the code hacker. The code is beginning to appear on the screen.) Sydney: I've got the code; I'm entering it now. (Cut to Vaughn, still studying the layout over Marshall's shoulder.) Vaughn: What could it be used for? (Cut to Marshall) Marshall: It could be a halon based fire supression system, some alarms... (Vaughn suddenly picks up a spare comms earpiece from the desk and sticks it in his ear.) Vaughn: Sydney, stop! You've got the wrong code! The alarm will be triggered by that sequence! (Cut to Sydney as she was about to type in the code. She stops immediately and pulls her hand away. She listens on her comms to what Vaughn is saying. Cut back and forth between her and Vaughn.) Vaughn: Remember the security system in Nepal? It's the same system! Those numbers can be converted into a password; that is the real code! Read me the sequence! (Cut to Vaughn) Vaughn (aside to Marshall): Give me a pen. (Marshall swiftly complies while Sydney reads off the code to Vaughn. Dixon watches with concern.) Sydney (voiceover): 746F70686174. (Closeup of Vaughn as he studies the number he copied down and translates it into a code. Cut to Weiss' team outside the club.) Dixon (voiceover): Blue team, stand by. Weiss: Copy that. (Cut back to Marshall and Dixon watching Vaughn nervously as he decyphers the code. Vaughn puts down the pen.) Vaughn: Okay. Tophat...try Tophat! (Cut to Sydney typing in code. Cut to Marshall's concerned face. Cut to Vaughn's wide eyed concerned face, leaning over the desk, watching the computer screen. The red lights go off. The screen is all green again.) Marshall: Okay, it worked; the alarm's deactivated. (Cut to Vaughn, panting a nervous sigh of relief. He stands up, rubbing his forehead. Cut to Dixon, also tense but relieved.) Dixon: Blue team, the system is disarmed. Move in. Weiss (voiceover): Copy that. (Cut to back door of club. One of Weiss' team sets an explosive on the door, they step back, it goes off. The team pulls out their pistols and pull open the back door to go inside. Cut to Sydney hurrying down the hallway. Cut to Weiss' team inside lower basement, guns drawn.) Vaughn (voiceover): Blue team, I read two guards at your 3 o'clock. (Weiss and team head in that direction. Cut to two guards heading toward them. They start firing. Weiss' team fires back, shooting both guards. Weiss and team move toward the downed guards.) Weiss: Space Ops...Guards down. (Sydney comes running from another corridor. She grabs an entry card and a pistol from one of the guards. Cut to a metal door with a swipe card entry. Sydney swipes the card. The light turns green. She pushes the door open. A man lies on a metal table. A gray haired and bearded man leans over him. As Sydney speaks, the gray haired man starts to reach for a gun.) Sydney: CIA, freeze! (The man is ready to fire, so Sydney shoots him. The man falls over backward into a metal storage container. Sydney hurries forward to the man on the table.) Sydney (In German): I'm CIA. You're going to be okay, Agent Rotter. (She removes Rotter's gag.) Rotter: Oh, thank God! Thank God! (Cut to a very nervous Marshall. Cut to Dixon, who nods to (cut) a very nervous but relieved Vaughn.) Sydney (voiceover): Space Ops, I have the prisoner. He's okay. (Cut to Sydney, starting to release Rotter's hands from the table. The evil doctor starts to speak. Sydney picks up her gun again and aims it at him.) Doctor: You kept your promise. You said you would kill me. (Cut to Sydney. She's shocked. Cut back to doctor.) Doctor: You were my favorite... (Cut back to Sydney. Her mouth drops open. Cut back to doctor.) Doctor: ...you never broke. (Sydney suddenly realizes this doctor knows her, has something to do with her lost time. She lowers her gun and rushes over to him. She grabs him by the lapels, shaking him.) Sydney: Who the hell are you!? What are you talking about!? Wh...why...why did the Covenant take two years of my life!? (The doctor makes eye contact with her for a moment before closing his eyes and drooping. We see a bullet wound in his chest. Sydney puts her hand over her mouth, gasping and sobbing.) (Cut to black. LOS ANGELES. Push through the O. LA skyline, daytime. Cut and pan to a man's face as he's talking.) Man#1: The last thing I remember seeing was the missile threat warning on my cockpit display. The next thing I know, I'm being lifted by a special forces team out of an Iraqi hospital. I still don't know what happened in those 18 months in between. Woman#1: The hardest thing is...what I do remember: my life before. I can't seem to let go of it. Man#2: Even worse than not remembering...are the dreams. And I can't tell if they're part of something that really happened to me, or my mind trying to fill in the blanks so I finally can get some answers. (Cut to reveal a circle of about 10 or 11 people. Sydney is one of them.) Group Moderator: Thank you, Tom. Well, we have a new member today. Sydney, welcome. If you have anything to say, we'd be happy to hear it. Sydney: Right now, it just helps to listen, thanks. Man#2 (Tom): How long you been back? Sydney: A little over a week. Tom: The dreams start yet? Nightmares? Sydney: Nope. Tom (resignedly): They will. (Close up of Sydney's face as she feels distinctly unnerved. Cut to Sydney walking down the hallway to Dixon's office, pushing open the door. Dixon is sitting on the edge of his desk. Dixon looks up and starts to stand when he sees her.) Dixon: Sydney... Sydney (cuts him off): I appreciate that you think it's good for me to know that there are other people out there who've experienced what I have, but you cannot put me into that group! Dixon: Sydney... Sydney (continues, cutting Dixon off again. Her emotions are leaking out: pain, sorrow): Look, I'm not even gonna pretend that it isn't hard to see Vaughn... Do I still have feelings for him? Of course I do. Finding out that... Dixon (more firmly this time): Sydney. This is Lauren Reed. (Cut to Lauren, sitting in a chair on the other side of the room.) Dixon: She's going to be our new liaison to the National Security Council. (Cut to Sydney. She glances in Lauren's direction, then closes her eyes and smiles, embarrassed that she had her outburst in front of someone else. She tries to compose herself.) Sydney (to Dixon): I...I didn't mean to interrupt. (to Lauren) I..I didn't know you were here...I..I..I'm sorry. (Lauren gets up and walks over to Sydney. Lauren appears moved, respectful. She puts out her hand and shakes Sydney's.) Lauren: It's okay, really. (Sydney smiles, embarrassed, and turns to leave, but Dixon starts talking to her and she stops.) Dixon: Apparently, you had a coversation with Bob Lindsay in the men's room of the federal building in which you made your distaste for him abundantly clear. (Cut to Lauren. She appears a bit disturbed by Sydney's confrontation with Lindsay and appears to want to hear Sydney's answer. Sydney turns around, gives a sideways glance at Lauren as if she wished she didn't have to discuss it in front of this person from the NSC.) Sydney: I...guess I did. Dixon: Well...he got the message, because he decided to return to Washington. He's assigned Agent Reed here in his place (Cut to Lauren again. She seems to be assessing Sydney's character. There appears to be a bit of sorrow in her eyes as well, almost as if she might want to cry. Cut back to Dixon.) to assist our efforts against the Covenant. She'll also be looking into the murder of Andrian Lazarey as part of a joint investigation with the Kremlin. (This makes Sydney nervous. She looks a bit fearfully at Lauren for a split second before saying.) Sydney: If there's anything I can do to help... Lauren (in a respectful, almost apologetic tone): You should know, in addition to being the new NSC liaison, I'm also Michael Vaughn's wife. (Cut to Sydney's reaction. She's stunned. Her eyes widen.) Sydney (softly, almost a whisper): Hi...

Sydney's search for her past leads to a jailed Sark, but their Q&A is cut short when he becomes the ransom for a pair of abducted CIA scientists, whose kidnappers may be tied to the murder of his father. Jack contacts an old friend of sorts for info on Sloane's new world-peace project, and Vaughn makes a decision about his future as an operative. The episode shows a CIA plaque with names of "agents killed in action" which includes below "Bristow Sydney A." the name of production designer Scott Chambliss.

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Act One. Scene One - Frasier's Bedroom. It's just after seven in the morning and Frasier is fast asleep. Eddie runs in and jumps on the bed. Eddie has an electric voice box attached to his collar. Martin is obviously offstage with a microphone, as his voice comes through the box. It is done to sound like a dog. Martin: [v.o. as Eddie] Rrrr'appy Rrrr'irthday, Rrrr'aiser! Frasier: [wakes up, sarcastically] Eddie! You can talk! Martin: [v.o. as Eddie] I've always been able to talk. I just save it for special occasions like somebody's rrr'irthday. Frasier: Yes, Eddie, thank you very much. But listen, I'd like to talk about Dad. I think his mind may be slipping. Martin enters with his microphone. Martin: Hey, don't say things like that. He's a dog, he might not know you're joking. Frasier: Why, Dad, I didn't even know you were here! [smirks] Martin: Well, just give me a couple more minutes and I'll have your birthday breakfast all ready. Come on, Eddie! Martin exits as Eddie follows him. Martin: [v.o. as Eddie] Rrright behind you! Frasier gives a glance out of the door as he begins to get up. CUT TO: Living Room Martin is pouring some coffee as Frasier enters in his dressing gown. Frasier: Oh, well, that's very nice, Dad. Martin: Oh, and look what I got. A newspaper from the day you were born. [hands it to him] Frasier: I keep telling you to clean out that closet of yours! [sits down and reads it] Martin: I ordered it! Frasier: Yes well, let's just see what other wonders occurred on that day. [laughs and reads] "SUSPECTED PINKO OUTED FROM CROSSING GUARD POST" What a jolly world I was born into. Martin: I know tonight's your party, but here. [lights a candle on a cupcake] Happy birthday! Make a wish. Frasier: Oh Dad, thank you. Frasier stands. He bends over the table to blow it out - and freezes. Martin: What's the matter? Frasier: My back! [in pain] It's completely seized up! Martin: Well, here... Martin guides him back down into his seat. Frasier: My God! It's been a little tender lately. I went to see the doctor last week, he told me there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. Martin: Oh, doctors never tell you anything, they're all just a bunch of overpaid quacks. [off Frasier's glare] Oh, I'm sorry, I don't mean you. I'm talking about real doctors! Frasier: [after he gives Martin a look] How can this be happening to me? I'm always so conscientious about back safety. Why, just the other day when I needed that large heavy stack of books from down in the storage room, I insisted that Daphne make three trips. Martin: Well, you know what, I've got that old girdle in my bedroom. Let me go get it. Frasier: Dad, wait, I'm not going to wear anything called a girdle. Martin: What if I call it a back-brace? Frasier: Get it! Martin does so and leaves the scene to his room. Then the doorbell sounds. Frasier sits still motionless. Frasier: [calls] Daphne! However, she's not in. The doorbell rings twice more. Frasier: Oh, God... Coming! [slowly gets up and edges to the door] This wouldn't be taking me so long if my housekeeper were here. [finally opens door to Daphne] Daphne: I'm a physical therapist! Frasier: Then perhaps you could get me into a chair! Daphne: [supports him] Oh goodness, is your back bothering you again? Oh, I'm sorry I made you get up. I forgot my keys. Frasier: You know, perhaps you should get a spare set made just to keep at Donny's. For God's sake, you're practically living there as it is. Daphne: [guides him to sofa] Oh, now, Dr. Crane. You better get used to it. Once I'm married, I will be living there. [then] I know what'll help that back, a nice massage. Martin enters with the girdle. Martin: Here we go. Daphne: Oh, the girdle! That'll help. Martin: Now, it's kinda hard to put on by yourself. But if Daphne holds one end and I hold the other, you can kinda spin into it. Frasier: Please Dad, this is humiliating enough as it is. Martin: What's humiliating about it? Look, you just hook it in the back like a bra. Frasier: Just give me that! [snatches it] Frasier exits to his room struggling with the girdle. Daphne: Mr. Crane, does it bother you when I stay over at Donny's? Martin: No. Daphne: Well, it seems to bother Dr. Crane. Martin: Oh, he's just cranky because of his back. Daphne pours herself a cup of coffee, noticing the paper that Martin gave Frasier. Daphne: Good Lord! Queen Elizabeth had another baby! I don't care what science can do, it's just not right. [N.B. A slight discontinuity here - Frasier's birth year has been given as 1952. Queen Elizabeth's second child, Princess Anne, was born in 1950, two years after her brother Charles. Elizabeth did not give birth again until 1960.] [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Radio Station. Roz is preparing for the show in her booth. Connie enters Frasier's booth with some flowers for Frasier, as Frasier hobbles inside with her, he is using a cane. Frasier: [referring to Connie placing the flowers on the console] Oh, that'll be fine right there, be sure to thank the gang for the flowers, Connie. Connie: You're welcome, Dr. Crane. Happy Birthday. [exits] Roz: [realizes] Birthday? [then quickly] Happy birthday, Frasier. Frasier: Thank you, Roz. Not off to the best start though, my back is out. Roz: Why don't you go home? We'll just air "The Best of Crane." I'll drop your gift by later. Frasier: No, no, Roz. I promised my listeners that I'd read a birthday address. Roz: [searching for a gift to give him] Well, people might have forgotten, people do have busy lives, you know. [notices a book on the side] Frasier: No, Roz, I announced it twice. Anyone paying the slightest attention would know. Roz takes a gift bag with shoes in it, empties the shoes out and puts the book inside the gift bag. Frasier: What are you doing over there? Roz: Just, wondering when to surprise you with your... present! [holds up gift bag] Roz enters Frasier's booth and hands it over. Frasier: Oh, Roz. Roz: Yes, now is as good a time as any. Frasier: You know, we keep promising each other that we're not going to do this. We've got to stop spoiling one another. Roz: Well, what am I supposed to do? Just forget your birthday? Frasier: [looks at book] Oh, Good Lord, Roz. You know, I read the most wonderful review of this recently. Roz: I hope you like it. Frasier: Oh look, you've inscribed it. Roz: [worried] I did? Frasier: [reads] "You'll always be my baby." Roz: I must have had a glass of wine when I wrote that. Frasier: [reads] "Love, Mom." Roz, ashamed, goes back to her tasks as Niles enters with a gift bag. Niles: There's our bent and broken birthday boy. Frasier: Hello, Niles. Niles: I've brought you a little gift. Say hello to sweet salvation, the "Lumbar Log." Frasier: Thank you, Niles. [takes it and props it behind his back] I think the whole thing is probably stress-related. Niles: Well, that's very possible. Birthdays can be anxiety- provoking, especially for people of a certain age. Frasier: I am not "of a certain age," Niles. I am smack dab in the middle of "not a kid anymore." I won't be "of a certain age" for another ten years. Roz: You know, if your back pain is stress-related, I read a magazine article with an exercise that might help. You just go someplace where nobody can hear you and list all the things that bug you. Frasier: In what esteemed medical journal did you find this little tidbit - "Cosmo"? Roz: No, [proudly] "Glamour"! Frasier: Oh, that's priceless. "I can't find the right shade of lipstick," "I look terrible in a bikini," "He can't find my G-spot." Roz: I said do it someplace private! Niles: You know, it couldn't hurt, Frasier. Frasier: Oh, Niles, it's absurd. Niles: Hmm, the more you resist, the more I'm wondering if there's something you're trying to avoid. Roz: Well, thanks for backing me up, Niles. You know, the same article said if you rub a raw potato... Niles: If we're going to sell him on this, you should drop out now. Roz: OK. Frasier: Nobody's going to sell me on anything. That sort of exercise only helps people who lack self awareness. I for one am... [spasm of pain] God almighty! Niles: Well, no wonder you're stressed, you've got a whole universe to run. Roz: Thirty seconds, Frasier. [enters her booth] Niles: All right, I'll be off. You take care of yourself, I'll see you tonight. [exits] Roz: Are you sure you're up to this? Frasier: Oh, I'll be fine, Roz. I'm not as delicate as all that. Roz: How did you do it anyway? Frasier: Blowing out a cupcake. Roz: You know, Frasier, we can always put on "The Best of Crane." Frasier: No, no, Roz. Now, just have a little bit of faith in me. I'm a lot tougher than that. Tell you what, if I feel like I need help towards the end of the show, I'll give you a little signal, all right? [shows her an example of her signal] Roz: All right, five seconds. Frasier: Gosh you know, these flowers really are beautiful. [on air] Good afternoon, Seattle. Frasier takes a sniff of the flowers, causing him to sneeze, forcing his back to move and causing him to scream in pain. He sneezes again and screams again as Roz puts a hand to her earphones. He sneezes a third time and falls off his chair in agony. Niles runs in from the corridor as Frasier rolls around on the floor. His hand comes up from under the console and signals Roz. [SCENE_BREAK] EDWARD CRANE, PH.D. Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. The apartment is empty as Frasier enters on the shoulder of Niles. Niles: Hello! Anyone here? [no reply] Frasier: I guess they're all out. Niles: [hurrying across room to sofa] Okay, well let's just get you settled! Frasier: Niles, Niles, slow down. For God's sake, we're not running a three-legged race. [falls onto sofa] Do you have somewhere to be? Niles: Well, since you bring it up, I do have a luncheon with my new lady love. Frasier: Oh, well, gosh, I'd hate to have my pain stand in the way of that! How could that orthopedist of yours tell me there was nothing wrong? Niles: Frasier, I looked at the x-rays myself, this is not a skeletal problem. There, now you're all fine and I'm sure Dad will be by soon. Frasier: No, wait. This couch has absolutely no support. [points to chair with ottoman] Let's try that chair over there, please. Niles: All right. [picks him up] You're not heavy, you're my brother. Niles and Frasier slowly move over to the chair. Frasier: How could you take me to that unprofessional hack? All he did was give me a bottle full of horse tranquilizers. He didn't care about getting to the root of the problem, he just wanted to shut me up! Niles: I think it might be time for one of those pills! He settles Frasier on the chair in a most obscure way. He is kneeling on the ottoman with his forehead resting on the chair back. He looks like a contortionist. Niles: All comfy? Frasier: This won't do, it's even harder than a seat on a public bus. Niles: Oh, when were you ever on a bus? Frasier: At a cocktail party once for the "Friends of Transit." Niles: I wasn't invited to that. Frasier: Will you just help me up, for God's sake! [he does] Oh God, you know, maybe I should take another one of those pills. Niles: All right, I'll get you a glass of water, okay? Frasier: Right. Niles rushes into the kitchen and talks from offstage. Whilst Niles is speaking Frasier takes the pills from his pockets and wanders over to Martin's chair slowly. Niles: [o.s.] You know, things are really going well with Mel. I've been out with her almost every night. I don't want to jinx things but I dare say we're well on our way to becoming what might almost pass as an item. Frasier falls down into Martin's chair as Niles enters with a glass of water. Niles: I mean it, Frasier, she is just the... [notices him] Oh my God, did you fall?! Frasier: No, I'm actually quite comfortable, Niles. And look, there's no glare on the television... and here's a lovely place to set your drink. [he does] Niles: Just give me your hand and whatever the chair's telling you, don't listen. Frasier: No, it's helping my back actually. You know, and when you sit in it, you don't have to look at it. Niles: If you're really interested in correcting this problem and not just medicating it, you should consider that technique Roz mentioned - you know, listing your problems aloud. Frasier: Oh, give me a break. Niles: It's perfectly possible that this is connected to some submerged anxiety. What's bothering you? Frasier: Oh, yes, Niles, you really expect me to sit here all alone in some apartment, prattling on endlessly about my problems like some sort of a lunatic. [Niles slowly leaves unnoticed by Frasier] If you think I'm going to do that, you're the one who needs to get his head examined... He notices Niles's disappearance. Then Frasier sits quietly before Eddie runs from behind him and jumps onto his knee. Frasier: Oh, good God! Oh, Eddie, please just shoo! Get off me, get off me! Eddie jumps onto the sofa and stares at him. Frasier: What? Do you want to know what's bothering me too? Well, here's a start, I'm talking to a dog, that bothers me... I'm another year older today. I suppose that bothers me, but not as much as people seem to think. [takes pills] I'm still single, that's a big one. Not having a woman to share my life with. The only women in my life are friends; Roz and Daphne. Daphne's not even here anymore, she'll be married soon. That's going to be tough on Dad. Pause. Frasier: Who am I kidding? It's going to be tough on me. It's been nice having her here. Even when my love life hasn't been going so well, I can always come home to a warm and considerate woman. You know, that's probably why I've been so brusque with her lately. I know that once she's gone, I'll probably be twice as lonely. Well, it's quite a realization, isn't it? Daphne walks on in her dressing gown fresh from a shower, unnoticed by Frasier. Frasier: I really do love Daphne and I'm about to lose her. I've got to show her how I feel about her, while I still have the chance. Daphne, worried by these comments, walks back to her room again. Frasier: Well, I don't know whether it was the therapy or the painkillers but I actually feel a bit better. Let's try this. [pulls himself to sit more comfortably on the chair] Ah... Eddie buries his head under the pillow. Frasier: You know, there are subtler ways to let the patient know his hour is up. Daphne enters, acting. Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane! I didn't know you were here, I can't hear anything in that shower of mine, it's like a soundproof vault! Frasier: Daphne, I wanted to apologize for being so short with you this morning. Daphne: It's fine. Frasier: No, it's not. It's never fine. Listen, come here, please. She does but reluctantly. Frasier: Give me a hug. She hugs keeping a distance between his body and hers. Frasier: Oh Daphne, do you know how much you mean to me? Daphne: [worried] I'm getting an idea! End of Act One. [SCENE_BREAK] Act Two. Scene One - Frasier's Apartment. Daphne is sat at the dining table staring into space as Martin enters. He notices Daphne's behavior. Martin: [enters] Hey, Daph. [no response] What's wrong? Are you all right? Daphne: Well, actually no. I overheard something I wasn't supposed to hear. It's about Dr. Crane. I overheard him say he's in love with me. Martin: What? Daphne: And he wants to show me how much he loves me while he still has the chance. Martin: Oh, jeez, not this! Daphne: You knew about this? Martin: I'm not getting in the middle of this! Daphne: Then it's true? Martin: Look, I kept my mouth shut for six years, I'm not saying anything now. [exits to kitchen] Daphne: [gobsmacked] Six years?! He's felt this way for six years?! Martin: [o.s] You didn't hear that from me! Frasier enters from his room in a robe. Frasier: Daphne. Daphne, I can't lower myself into the tub. Daphne: Well, don't look at me! Frasier: No, I thought I'd skip the bath and take you up on that massage you offered. Those expert hands of yours might be just what the doctor ordered. [slyly] Let's do it in my bedroom, shall we? Daphne collects herself and slowly walks to Frasier's bedroom. CUT TO: Frasier's Bedroom. Frasier is waiting as Daphne enters. She is still in her robe. Frasier: What kept you? [Daphne murmurs] Daphne, here, just help me out of this robe, please. I nearly killed myself putting it on. She does slowly and covers her eyes in case of "gratuitous nudity." She folds the robe up, glad to see that Frasier is wearing pants. He goes onto the bed and Daphne apprehensively goes to him. Daphne: [breathes] Here we go! Now, remember, your back's very tender, so no sudden movements. Daphne slowly moves towards the back with her hands. She is very scared. Her fingertips press lightly onto his back and he lets out a groan of pleasure. Daphne quickly removes her hands and gets off the bed. Daphne: You know, I'm catching a draft in this robe, perhaps I better change. Frasier: I'll be waiting! Daphne: [looks back in disgust] Ooh! Daphne exits down the hallway before Martin arrives to see Frasier. Martin: Hey, Fras. Frasier: Yes, Dad. Martin: Did Daphne tell you? Frasier: Tell me what? Martin: She found out Niles has a thing for her. Frasier: What? Martin: Yes. Frasier: How?! Martin: Well, she said she overheard him earlier saying how much he loves her. Frasier: Oh, dear God, no wonder she's been so distracted. What did you say, did you confirm it? Martin: Well, yes, I said I knew about it. Frasier: Oh, Dad... Martin: Well come on, what else was I going to say?! And then I told her it was none of my business and I took off out of there. Frasier: [thinks] Wait a minute! How did she even see Niles today? Martin: I don't know, but she said she overheard him saying he loves her and that he wanted to tell her while he still has the chance. Frasier: [realizes] Oh, no! Martin: What? Frasier: I said that. Martin: [groans] Oh, not you now! Frasier: No, no, no, Dad, not that. I was just doing a little exercise to try and help my back and I was talking out loud about how much I was going to miss Daphne. She must have overheard me and misunderstood. Martin: Who were you talking to? Beat. Frasier: If you must know, I was talking to Eddie. Martin: [smirks] Helps, doesn't it! Frasier: Oh, stop it. Thanks to you, now Daphne thinks I'm in love with her. Here I am asking her for a massage, how is she expected to interpret that?! Daphne enters with a big woolly jumper on. Martin: [noticing her] Hard to say! [exits] Frasier: Oh, Lord. Daphne: Just take a deep breath and try to relax. Frasier: Daphne... Daphne: Let's both do that, shall we? [breathes deeply] Frasier: Daphne, Dad told me that you overheard me. Daphne: He did? Frasier: Yes. Daphne: Well, I certainly picked the wrong person to confide in. Frasier: No, no, no, I'm glad he told me, because the truth is you misunderstood. You see, when I said how much I cared about you, I didn't mean it in a romantic sense. Daphne: [hopeful] Then you don't love me? Frasier: Oh, no, of course I love you, Daphne, but as a friend, that's all! Daphne bursts into laughter and relief as she hugs him. Daphne: Oh thank God! What a relief! I mean I was flattered, but... [laughs] Frasier: That's fine, off you go... [his head spins] Oh my, my head. Daphne: It must be those pills. Come on, let me give you that massage while you can still feel it. Frasier: All right. Daphne takes her jumper off and pushes Frasier onto the bed. She kneels beside him and massages him. Frasier begins to relax. Frasier: You know, Daph, we really are going to miss you around here. Daphne: It's going to be hard for me too. Something I haven't even wanted to think about - leaving. I know I grumble a bit, but I do love you and your father. I'll still come around though, we'll still see each other. Frasier: You know what? Daphne: What's that, Dr. Crane? Frasier: Dad's chair. Daphne: I'm not taking it with me if that's where you're heading. [laughs] Frasier: It's so comfortable! Daphne: You took quite a few of those pills, didn't you? [pause] You know what's curious, though? Frasier: Cats! Daphne: [laughs] Yes! But I'm talking about our little mix-up. When I said to your father, "Dr. Crane's in love with me," he said it's been going on for six years now. What did he mean by that? Frasier: Oh that... he meant Niles! KA-BOOM!!! This revelation shocks Daphne into a state of confusion. This is the turning point of the show. Daphne: What? Frasier: Niles... he's crazy about you! Daphne: [transfixed in mental conflict] Dr. Crane? [then to Frasier] Dr. Crane! But he's already fallen asleep. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Bedroom. A few hours later Frasier is woken up once again by Eddie with his voice box. Martin: [v.o. as Eddie] Come on, Rrr'irthday Boy. Wakey, Wakey, time for Cakey! Frasier: Dear God! Has a year passed already? CUT TO: Living Room Meanwhile, the dining room table is set up with birthday decorations. Eddie, Martin and Daphne are wearing party hats. Daphne: [putting on her hat] Please, the elastic's pinching behind my ears! Martin: Oh, come on, it's just for a couple of hours. Daphne: It's pulling my hair! Martin: You don't hear Eddie complaining, do you? [v.o. as Eddie] I rr'uv my hat! Daphne: You know, I'm this close to breaking that thing into a million pieces! Frasier enters in his dressing gown. Frasier: Well, isn't this festive! Oh, Daphne, by the way, thank you for the massage, I think it did just the trick. Daphne: Anytime, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Listen, just before I drifted off I'm afraid I might have said something I wish I hadn't. Daphne: [worried] Yes? Frasier: It's about Dad's chair, it may be comfortable but I still want to get it out of here. Daphne: [tense] Oh, that. Frasier: Why, I didn't say anything else I shouldn't have said, did I? Daphne: Well... [then] No, no. And don't worry. [points at chair] Mum's the word! The doorbell sounds. Daphne: [sarcastic] I'll get it! Frasier: Why, thank you. Daphne goes to the door as Martin talks to Frasier. Martin: Did you straighten things out with Daphne? Frasier: Yes, I did. Martin: Boy, that was a close one. I almost blew Niles's secret! Frasier: Would you try to be more discreet! I can't pull your chestnuts out of the fire every time! Daphne opens the door to Niles. She looks very nervous and Niles can sense something is up. Niles: Good evening, Daphne. Daphne: [tense] Dr. Crane. Niles: You look different somehow. [covering?] Have you done something new with your hair? Daphne points to her hat and takes it off, symbolically removing her badge of office. She is now a new person. Niles: That must be it! Niles, confused by her actions, goes to greet Frasier and wish him many happy returns as Daphne looks him up and down from afar with silent eyes. End of Act Two. [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier goes into the living room in his bathrobe with a glass of sherry. He looks around surreptitiously, finds he's alone, and lowers himself with a blissful sigh into Martin's chair. Martin comes in behind him and leans over to meet Frasier as he reclines into the chair. Frasier is startled and sits up abruptly.

Frasier pulls a muscle in his back and is confined to home. He has been irritable with Daphne recently, and while thinking out load in the presence of Eddie, he realises that this is because she will soon leave the household and he will miss her. Daphne emerges, unnoticed, to hear Frasier confess that he loves her. She does not realize that his feelings are platonic , and is horrified and embarrassed. When she tell Martin that Dr. Crane has confessed his feelings for her, he assumes she is referring to Niles and confirms it. Frasier soon realizes that, as Niles has not been present to confess anything, Daphne has misinterpreted. He takes the opportunity to assure her of this. Daphne is relieved, and gives Frasier a massage as his strong medication begins to work. In his drowsy state, his speech is unguarded, and when she revisits what Martin said, he reveals that it is Niles that has feelings for her.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_01x12

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Scene: The University cafeteria. Sheldon: Here's the problem with teleportation. Leonard: Lay it on me. Sheldon: Assuming the device could be invented which would identify the quantum state of matter of an individual in one location, and transmit that pattern to a distant location for reassembly, you would not have actually transported the individual. You would have destroyed him in one location, and recreated him in another. Leonard: How about that. Sheldon: Personally, I would never use a transporter. Because the original Sheldon would have to be disintegrated in order to create a new Sheldon. Leonard: Would the new Sheldon be in any way an improvement on the old Sheldon? Sheldon: No, he would be exactly the same. Leonard: That is a problem. Sheldon: So, you see it too. Dr Gablehouser (arriving): Dr Hofstadter, Dr Cooper. Together: Dr Gablehouser. Gablehouser: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dennis Kim. Dennis is a highly sought after Doctorial candidate and we're hoping to have him do his graduate work here. Leonard: Graduate work, very impressive. Gablehouser: And he's only fifteen years old. Sheldon: Not bad, I myself started graduate school at fourteen. Dennis: Well, I lost a year while my family was tunnelling out of North Korea. Leonard: Advantage Kim. Gablehouser: I thought maybe you boys could show Dennis around, let him see why we're the best physics research facility in the country. Dennis: I already know you're not. You don't have an open science grid computer, or a free electron laser, and the string theory research being done here is nothing but a dead end. Sheldon: Excuse me, that is my research, and it is by no means a dead end. Dennis: Well, obviously you don't see it yet, but trust me, you will. Gablehouser: Dennis, we discussed this, we're in the process of updating our equipment, and we welcome your input on our research goals, and we've agreed to look the other way if you want to use up to 20% of the grant money you attract to smuggle your grandfather out of Pyongyang. We want him here boys, make it happen. Leonard: Yes sir. Sheldon: You can count on us, we're on it. What the hell do you mean, dead end. Dennis: I mean, the whole landscape of false vacuums in string theory could be as large as ten to the five-hundredth power. In addition... ooh, look, chocolate milk. Sheldon: I sense a disturbance in the force. Leonard (in a Yoda voice): A bad feeling I have about this, mmm-hmmm. Credits sequence Scene: A corridor. Leonard: So, Dennis, how long have you been in America. Dennis: A year and a half. Leonard: No kidding, you speak English really well. Dennis: So do you. Except for your tendency to end sentences with prepositions. Leonard: What are you talking about? Dennis: That. Sheldon: He's not wrong. Alright, and this is my office. Dennis: Is this part of the tour? Sheldon: Nope. Goodbye. Leonard: Come on, Sheldon, we've hardly shown him anything. Sheldon: Oh, alright, this is my desk, these are my books, this is my door, please close it behind you. Goodbye. Dennis: Looks like you're doing work in quantum loop corrections. Sheldon: Keen observation, goodbye. Dennis: You see where you went wrong, don't you? Sheldon: Leonard. Leonard: Huh, yeah? Sheldon: Get him out. Leonard: Come on, Dennis, I'll show you the rec centre, they've got nautilus equipment. Dennis: Do I look like I lift weights. Leonard: Not heavy ones. Dennis: It's startling to me you haven't considered a Lorentz invariant field theory approach. Sheldon: You think I haven't considered it? You really think I haven't considered it? Dennis: Have you considered it? Sheldon: Get him out Leonard. Leonard: Come on, Dennis, I'll show you the radiation lab. Dennis: Wow, you won the Stephenson award. Sheldon: Yes, in fact I am the youngest person ever to win it. Dennis: Really, how old? Sheldon: Fourteen and a half. Dennis: You were the youngest person ever to win it. Leonard: It's like looking into an obnoxious little mirror, isn't it? Scene: The living room of the apartment. Penny (to Raj): Mmm, this is really delicious, isn't it? (Raj looks uncomfortable, then nods.) Still can't talk to me unless you're drunk, huh? (Shakes head) Oh, sweetie, you are so damaged. Howard: Hey, I'm damaged too. How about a hug for Howie? Penny: Sure. Raj, hug Howard. Sheldon (dramatically): Uh-uh-uh. Leonard: Something you'd like to share? A tale of woe perhaps. Sheldon: Fifteen years old. Dennis Kim is fifteen years old, and he's already correcting my work. Today I went from being Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to... you know, that other guy. Howard: Antonio Salieri? Sheldon: Oh, God, now even you're smarter than me. Howard: You know, Sheldon, you don't have so many friends that you can afford to start insulting them. Leonard: Just eat, Sheldon, you'll feel better. Sheldon: Why waste food. In Texas when a cow goes dry they don't keep feeding it, they just take her out and shoot her between the eyes. Penny: I'm confused, did Sheldon stop giving milk? Leonard: You can't let this kid get to you. You always knew that someday someone would come along who was younger and smarter. Sheldon: Yes, but I assumed I would have been dead hundreds of years, and that there would be an asterisk by his name because he would be a cyborg. Penny: So, you've got a bit of competition, I really don't see what the big deal is. Sheldon: Well of course you don't, you've never excelled at anything. Penny: I don't understand, exactly how did he get any friends in the first place? Howard: We liked Leonard. Leonard: Well, what are you going to do, Sheldon, give up? Sheldon: Yes. That's what a rational person does when his entire life's work is invalidated by a post-pubescent Asian wunderkind. He ceases his fruitless efforts, he donates his body to scientific research, and he waits to die. Penny: You know, I'm confused again, is he waiting, or do we get to shoot him between the eyes? Scene: The same, later that night Sheldon: Hey. Leonard: Hey. Sheldon: I've decided you're right. My career is not over. Leonard: Great. Sheldon: But, since the arrival of Dennis Kim has rendered my research pointless, I just have to find something else to focus on. Leonard: Great. Sheldon: So I've decided, I'm going to collaborate with you. Leonard: Great. Sheldon: What exactly is it you do? I know you chatter on about it all the time, but I've never really paid attention. Leonard: Okay, well, right now I'm designing an experiment to study the soft component of cosmic radiation at sea-level, but I really don't need any help. Sheldon: Oh, sure you do. Now, see, what's this here in the schematic, is that a laser array? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: No. Hmmm. What happens if you use argon lasers instead of helium neon? Leonard: It would blow up. Sheldon: Are you sure? Leonard: Pretty sure. Sheldon: Pretty sure's not very scientific, is this how you normally work, just hunches and guesses and stuff? Leonard: Okay, Sheldon, I understand that you're going through a bit of a career crisis, you're searching for some other area where you can feel valuable and productive but I need to tell you something and I want you to listen carefully. Sheldon: Alright. Leonard: Go away. Sheldon: If you're concerned about sharing credit with me, you're name can go first... I'm going. Scene: Howard's lab. Howard (into phone): It's a small brown paper bag, Ma, I'm looking at it right now. (Pause.) Why would I make that up, there's no ding-dong in it. (Pause.) How are two ding-dongs tomorrow going to help me today? Sheldon (entering): So, this is engineering, huh? Howard (into phone): I'll talk to you later. Sheldon: Engineering. Where the noble semi-skilled labourers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, oompah-loompahs of science. Howard: Sheldon, what are you doing here? Sheldon: I just came by to say hello. Howard: I've been at this lab for three years, you've never came by to say hello. Sheldon: Well, up until now I've had better things to do. So, what are we making today? Howard: A small payload support structure for a European science experimental package that's going up on the next space shuttle. Sheldon: Really, how does it work? Howard: When this is done, it will be attached to the payload bay, and the sensor apparatus will rest on it. Sheldon: Uh, huh. So it's a shelf? Howard: No, you don't understand, during acceleration it needs to stay perfectly level and provide... yeah, okay, it's a shelf. Sheldon: Now, I notice you're using titanium, did you give any consideration to carbon nanotubes, they're lighter, cheaper and half twice the tensile strength. Howard: Sheldon, there's a diploma in my office that says I have a masters in engineering. Sheldon: And you also have a note from your mother that says I love you, bubbula. But neither of those is a cogent argument for titanium over nanotubes. Howard: Sheldon. Sheldon: Yes. Howard: Go away. Sheldon: Did Leonard tell you to say that? Howard: No, I thought of it all by myself. Sheldon: Huh. It can't be a coincidence. There must be some causal link I'm missing. Scene: Raj is exiting his office. Raj: Go away. (Sheldon exits) Sheldon: Curiouser and curiouser. Scene: The apartment. Howard (entering): Is he here? Leonard: If he were, I wouldn't be. Raj: Do you know what he did. He watched me work for ten minutes, and then started to design a simple piece of software that could replace me. Leonard: Is that even possible? Raj: As it turns out, yes. Howard: Something's got to be done about him, Leonard. Leonard: Like what? He'll never be able to cope with the fact that some fifteen year-old kid is smarter and more accomplished than he is. Raj: Well, what if something were to happen to this boy so he was no longer a threat to Sheldon? Howard: Then our problem would be solved. Leonard: Hang on, are we talking about murdering Dennis Kim? I'm not saying no. Howard: We don't have to go that far, there are other means available. Raj: We can't send him back to North Korea. He knows how to get out. Howard: The only thing we need to do is make this Kim kid lose his focus. Leonard: That won't happen, he's not interested in anything but physics. Howard: What about biology? Leonard: What? Howard: You know, biology? The one thing that can completely derail a world class mind. Leonard: Howard, he's fifteen. Howard: Yeah, so, when I was fifteen I met Denise Polmerry and my grade point average fell from a 5.0 to a 1.8. Raj: She was sleeping with you? Howard: No, I just wasted a lot of time thinking about what it would be like if she did. Sheldon (entering): Oh, good, you're all here. Look, I've decided that if the three of you drop whatever it is you're working on and join me, we could lick cold fusion in less than a decade, twelve years tops. (They stare at him.) Go away? (They nod) Hmm. Could it be me? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Outside Penny's apartment. Penny (opening door): Oh, hey guys, what's up? Howard: We need a hot fifteen year-old Asian girl with a thing for smart guys. Penny: What? Leonard: Howard, that's racist, any fifteen year-old girl will do the trick. (Penny slams door.) Raj: It's possible she may have misunderstood us. Scene: Sheldon's office. He is making measurements on maps. There is a knock on the door. Gablehouser (entering): Dr Cooper? Oh, are we interrupting? Sheldon: No, no, please, come in. Yeah, I think you'll appreciate this, very exciting. Gablehouser: Oh, what are you working on? Sheldon: Something remarkable. Since my prospects for the Nobel Prize in physics have disappeared, thank you very much, I've decided to refocus my efforts and use my people skills to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Look, I'm going to solve the Middle-East Crisis by building an exact replica of Jerusalem in the middle of the Mexican desert. Gablehouser: To what end? Sheldon: You know, it's like the baseball movie, build it and they will come. Gablehouser: Who will come? Sheldon: The Jewish people. Gablehouser: What if they don't come. Sheldon: We'll make it nice, put out a spread. Gablehouser: Okay, well, um, speaking of spreads, we're having a small welcoming party this afternoon for Mr Kim, who's agreed to join us here at the University. Sheldon: Of course he has, the oracle told us little Neo was the one. You can see the Matrix, can't you. Gablehouser: Okay, well, uh, obviously you're very busy with your... uh, um, come Dennis. You'll have to excuse Dr Cooper, he's been under a lot of... um... he's nuts. Sheldon (voice off, sings to a Mexican tune): Ah, la-la-la, Hava Nagila. They'll come, they'll settle and I'll win the prize... Scene: The welcoming party Sheldon: I really don't understand your objections, Professor Goldfarb, why wouldn't the Senoran Desert make a perfectly good promised land? Goldfarb: Go away. Sheldon: We could call it Nuevo Cherusalem. Goldfarb: Please go away. Sheldon: Said Pharoah to Moses. Gablehouser: Why are all these young women here? Leonard: It's take your daughter to work day. Gablehouser: Really, I was not aware of that. Raj: Oh, yes. There was a very official email that was sent to everyone whose insurance files indicated they had daughters between the ages of 14 and 16. Gablehouser: Hm? Howard: Smooth. Raj: Thank you. Gablehouser: There's the man of the hour. Leonard: Okay, so we now have a socially awkward genius in a room full of attractive age-appropriate women. Howard: All he has to do now is hook up with one of them. (The look at Dennis, who is picking his ear.) Leonard: Does anyone else see the flaw in this plan? Raj: We need a social catalyst. Leonard: Like what? We can't get fifteen year-old girls drunk. Howard: Or can we? Leonard: No, we can't. Howard: I don't think you mean we can't. I think you mean we shouldn't. Sheldon: Hey, Howard. You're a Jew. If there was another wailing wall, exactly like the one in Jerusalem, but close to taco stands and cheap prescription drugs, would you still be able to wail at it? Okay, it's definitely me. Leonard: Okay, we cannot leave this to chance, lets pick a girl, and figure out how to get her together with Dennis. Raj: Okay. How about that one. Howard: Uh-uh. I know the type, cheerleader, student council, goes out with jocks, won't even look at anybody in the gifted programme. And if, after two years of begging, she does agree to go out with you, it turns out to be a set-up and you're in the back seat of your mom's car with your pants off while the whole football team laughs at you. Raj: Are you crying? Howard: No, I have allergies. Raj: Okay, uh, how about her? Leonard: Sure. If he wants to spend a couple of years doing her homework while she drinks herself into a stupor with non-fat White Russians, while you're the one holding her head out of the toilet while she's puking and telling you she wishes more guys were like you, and they she gets into Cornell because you wrote her essay for her, and you drive up to visit her one weekend and she acts like she doesn't even know you. Raj: Okay, so not her either. How about her? Howard: Interesting, kind of pretty, a little chubby so probably low self-esteem. Leonard: I think that's our girl. One of us should go talk to her. Raj: I can't talk to her, you do it. Leonard: I can't just go up and talk to her. Howard, you talk to her. Howard: Oh no, she'll never go for the kid once she gets a peek at this. Raj: You know, if we were in India this would be simpler. Five minutes with her dad, twenty goats and a laptop and we'd be done. Leonard: Well, we're not in India. Raj: Alright, why don't we do it your way then? We'll arrange for this girl to move in across the hall from Dennis so he can pathetically moon over her for months on end. Leonard: Okay, that was uncalled for. Raj: You started it, dude. Gablehouser: Could I have everyone's attention please. What a wonderful occasion this is. And how fortunate that it should happen to fall on take your daughter to work day. We're here to welcome Mr Dennis Kim to our little family. Sheldon (sarcastically): Welcome Dennis Kim. Gablehouser: Mr Kim was not only the valedictorian at Stamford University, he is also the youngest recipient of the prestigious Stephenson Award. Sheldon: Youngest till the cyborgs rise up! Gablehouser: And now, without any further ado, let me introduce the man of the hour, Mr Dennis Kim. Dennis! Dennis! Dennis: What? Gablehouser: Would you like to tell us a little bit about your upcoming research. Dennis: Um, no thanks. I'm going to the mall with Emma. Gablehouser: Well, uh, well, uh.... Leonard: The kid got a girl. Raj: Unbelievable. Howard: Did anyone see how he did it? Sheldon (to Gablehouser): Don't worry, I've got this. Ladies and Gentlemen, honoured daughters. While Mr Kim, by virtue of his youth and naivety, has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me step in and assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted, and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me. Thank you. Howard: He's back. Leonard: Yeah, mission accomplished. Raj: Forget the mission, how did that little yutz get a girl on his own? Howard: I guess times have changed since we were young. Smart is the new sexy. Leonard: Well, why do we go home alone every night, we're still smart. Raj: Maybe we're too smart. So smart it's offputting. Howard: Yeah, let's go with that. Scene: The park. The four guys are carrying remote control rockets. Howard: Unbelievable. Components I built are on the International Space Station, and I get a ticket for launching a model rocket in the park. Leonard: I don't know if the ticket was so much for the launch as it was for you telling the policewoman "you have to frisk me, I have a rocket in my pants." Raj: Hey, look at that. (There is a group of youngsters on the grass, laying about. One is playing a guitar. Dennis Kim is among them. He is drinking something from a bottle in a brown paper bag.) It's Dennis Kim. Howard: Wow, I almost didn't recognise him. Raj: You know, I kind of feel bad about what we did to him. (Dennis is now snogging the face off Emma) Leonard: Yeah, we really ruined his life. Sheldon: Screw him, he was weak.

Sheldon becomes envious when he meets 15-year-old child prodigy Dennis Kim, who was accepted for doctoral studies at the university, and soon realizes that not only is Kim similar to himself (an obnoxious and arrogant child prodigy), but is even smarter than he. Sheldon loses faith in his own research and annoys his friends by criticizing their work more than ever and forcing his own contributions on them. Finding his physics work useless, he aims for the Nobel Peace Prize by attempting to solve all Middle East conflicts, but he annoys everyone, including a Jewish professor, with his proposal that an exact duplicate of Jerusalem be built in the Mexican desert. The others, tired of Sheldon's behavior, decide to distract Kim with girls of the same age. Their plan unexpectedly works at Kim's welcome party, and Kim leaves with a blonde 15-year-old. Sheldon resumes his research while the others are perplexed at how easily Kim was able to get a girl. In a park, the guys spot him drinking heavily and making out. They feel sorry at his demise, but the victorious Sheldon mocks him.