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-Fuck! [sobs] -[Munk] Shhh. |
-Please, no, no. -It's OK. |
Please. |
[whimpers] |
Leave her alone. |
[shouts] Leave her alone. [groans] |
[Munk grunts] |
[groans] |
[sobs] Help me. |
[Ashley O] Get these things off me. |
It's not opening. |
[Rachel] It's too strong. |
Stop moving. |
Uh, geniuses, there's a release button under here. |
-What? -[Ashley O whimpers] |
-[whirring] -[pants] |
[Jack] OK, come on. |
[Rachel] Come on, come on. Here we go. |
Who are you guys? |
I'm Rachel and like I said, I'm a huge fan. |
[Ashley Too] Listen, lover girls, we gotta move. |
Why is that thing talking like that? All real? |
They broke the limiter, so I am you. Your whole brain. I'm all of you. |
I can't believe there's two of you. |
That thing isn't all of me. |
I'm all of me. |
Really? Senior high, I had, like, a major crush on Ryan Simmonds, |
but he was just not interested, |
so I made out with his brother, Stevie, even though his braces scratched my teeth. |
-Actually, Stevie was the first guy-- -you have to Shut up. |
Also, I'm not allergic to shellfish and I hate my Aunt Catherine. |
Aunt Catherine, oh, my God, we have to stop her. |
Stop her from doing what? |
[indistinct chatter] |
Are you ready? |
[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, Catherine Ortiz. |
- ...on ambition and verve -[applause] |
I'm gonna get what I deserve |
- So Full Of ambition and verve - Hi. |
- I'm gonna get what I deserve -[applause] |
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome and thank you for joining us |
as we introduce you to a brand-new, yet strangely familiar, superstar. |
-Come on, to the car. -Uh-uh. |
-What? No, No, No, Come on. -Uh-uh. |
You'll be fine. Come on, let's go. |
Get in. Come on. |
[tires screech] |
Fuck. |
I don't need to tell you that in an age of streaming content, |
live tours are now by far |
the most lucrative aspect of the music industry. |
But for the past six months, Ashley, of course, |
has been sadly unable to participate... |
until today. |
Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to introduce you |
to Ashley Eternal. |
[audience cheers] |
-Isn't she great? -[intermittent whooping] |
Ashley Eternal is the most accurate |
and versatile holographic performer in history. |
Photo-realistic and fully controllable, |
right down to instant costume changes. |
[murmuring] |
[all gasp] |
-Oh, my God. -Jack, do you know the way to the stadium? |
-No. -I do. |
They do. |
Wait, that's not all. |
Ashley is also fully scalable. |
And when I say, "scalable," I mean scalable. |
[audience exclaims] |
[Catherine] No more squinting from half a mile away. |
Now the entire audience gets a front row seat, |
no matter how big the venue. |
Finally, |
an act that will make the live audience put down their damn phones, |
look up, and gasp in awe. |
-You have to jump the light. -I'm not jumping a red. |
-go. -No. OK. |
[horn honks] |
I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. |
[siren sounds] |
-Shit, it's the cops. -I'm never gonna get my license. |
And there's more. |
Ashley Eternal is streamable. |
She can appear in thousands of locations simultaneously. |
Imagine an entire nationwide tour, all taking place on the same night. |
Never exhausted, never sick, |
always pitch perfect, bringing her A-game. |
It's not a dream, it's reality. |
But that's enough from me. |
Let's give it up for Ashley Eternal. |
[cheering] |
See me dancing on the stage That I've built |
Spotlight on me shining strong |
Feel such happiness inside of my heart |
- And it's all right here -Give it up. |
Right here in my song See my crew dancing around me |
Hear the audience's screams |
-[siren wails] - Feel like I could jump |