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t3_4myh0b | relationships | [29 M] I hurt someone's feelings and am overwhelmed with guilt. | I went out for drinks on Friday with someone that I work with. She is 28/F. We went back to my place afterward. I was very clear before we had sex that I was not interested in a relationship. We did anyway.
Last night, she came over to watch some NetFlix and we cuddled a bit, but nothing serious. I wasn't really looking too far into it.
That is when things went wrong. I made the unfortunate decision of making a joke about one of the other girls at the office being jealous. She got really hurt and talked about how she is always the second choice. How I just confirmed what she had thought since Saturday. How every guy she has been with has "used" her.
I feel horrible. I don't consider myself to be a bad person. I apologized several times and gave her a lift home. I don't really know what else to say or do? | I hooked up with someone from the office and now her feelings are hurt. I feel horrible, and am not sure what, if anything, to do. |
t3_3vh84v | tifu | TIFU by setting my alarm clock | This was just a few minutes ago. I was setting my alarm clock because I get up earlier on the weekends. Now, normally I check to make sure my beagle is not in my bedroom before setting my alarm clock, he's not. I need to make sure because one day a few years ago our shitty house alarm went off due to low battery. But when we replaced it we found the wrong alarm was beeping and so we went to the store and bought enough batteries to replace each one (this took >45 minutes). Bear in mind this was not a warning beep but a full on 'grab your kids everything you know is melting' alarm. My dog was horrified by the noise and crawled under a bed where we couldn't take him outside to quiet safety. Ever since then he has been TERRIFIED of high pitch alarms. So back to today, I'm setting my alarm clock and it always plays the alarm as a confirmation so you know you set it. I forgot that I had turned up the volume to max because the ihome has the off and volume up buttons somewhat near each other and I pressed the wrong one while getting up. Normally, I dial it back down, but this morning, for whatever reason, I forgot. As I confirm the time for my alarm, it starts blaring even uncomfortably loud for me. My dog, who was hiding under the sheets I threw on the floor, immediately jumps up and runs into the wall head first. I open my door and escort him out while he's thrashing about trying to remove the sheets. I run to my alarm and quiet it down, but its too late. my dog is under my mom's bed and is shivering right now while I pet the half of his body sticking out. | My dog panicked when I set the alarm and now there is a sizable dent the size of my dog's face near my bedroom door |
t3_1df5b3 | BreakUps | me, [19f] can;t seem to get over insane relationship with ex bf [19m]. any advice welcome | I have been dating this guy back in highschool for 2 years. To sum everything up, we were soulmates. We were getting on extremely well, etc, it seemed like a real bound. Then, he strated to change, became a needy person which then turned into a psychotic one. From the things I have been put through:
-sexual harassment – he said that me having sex with him was a proof of love.
-humiliation – after having sex with him for the first time (it was obvious it had been my first time) he said he is sure I am a whore and that he was not the first guy I have ever slept with
-constant threat of dumping me, whenever something didn't please him enough. he would go into relationships only to "make me cry". He would often say "you have yet to cry for what you've done to me"
And I sewar to jesus Christ that I have been a perfect gf. Very caring, thoughtful, etc.
He is now in a relationship with a chick I've told everything about our relationship to, so she knows what I've been through. We spoke again, I had to humiliate people and things for him, in order to get back "when their relationship would end". I didn't do that completely, because those people are my friends. He got so mad, he blocked me everywhere and, knowing that I have cancer, told me to go and fucking die.
This may sound weird, but I'm crying my eyes our right now. I can't possibly move on, before going nuts, we were soulmates. I know he loves me too and I know it's the best for me to let it go, but I fear he might have been the love of my life. I've never wanted to be someone's carpet. Any advice, good word is highly appreciated.
How can i get over? | before going nuts, a guy was just my soulmate. he is not anymore and i am devastated. what do? |
t3_4dpyio | relationships | My ex [16 M] and I [16 F] broke up for a little over a month, still not over each other | My ex-boyfriend, "Peter", and I were together since we were in 13. Our relationship was always under the radar even among our friends so we could spend time alone together and so that our parents would never find out about our relationship.
However, we broke up at the end of February because his mom was under the impression he had a girlfriend and he didn't want to break her trust anymore. I completely understand, but it just hurts so much to see him every day and see little things that remind me of him. The worst part is, most of our friends don't even know we broke up but I'm still in so much pain that I don't even want to bother explaining.
I know Peter still likes me because he said so when he broke up with me and evidently, I'm still over hung up over him as well. Is there anything I can do to ease the pain of knowing that we can't be together? | Broke up a little over a month ago, still share mutual feelings with ex, can't be together thus causing a lot of emotional pain. |
t3_2epron | dating_advice | He seems friendly online but stand-offish in person. | I'm a 26 year old female and am quite attracted to a guy I work with (he's early 30s). He can be quite quiet though we've been talking more recently. We have some common interests and I have felt a bit of a spark when talking to him. I decided to try to get to know him better and sent him a couple of casual, chatty IMs at work. He was friendly and responsive and kept the conversation going, asked me for book recommendations for his holiday. I added him on Facebook and sent a follow up message a few days later, just briefly suggesting another book I'd just finished. He got back to me and said he loved that author and asked if I'd heard said author's radio show. We sent a couple more messages, but he never replied to the last one I sent, which was a little longer though pretty open-ended. I don't get the sense that he's a big Facebook user. Yesterday was the first time I've seen him at work since any of these conversations took place. He knocked on my open door to ask a question (I don't think he went out of his way to find me - my door was open and I was sitting closest to the front door of the office, and it's a question he needed to ask someone). He didn't seem as friendly as I would've expected - he didn't make any conversation, just pretty much got the info he needed then left. Today I spoke to him a little while in a group of people and kind of felt like he wasn't making eye contact with me or speaking to me directly.
If he hadn't been responsive to my chatting to him, I would just assume he had no interest in me and give up, but I'm a little bit puzzled. I also don't think I've made any romantic interest so blatantly obvious that he would have any reason to be stand-offish with me if he just wasn't interested. Actually, I find it really hard to let anyone know I like them and suspect I'm quite hard to read.
Any thoughts on what his behaviour might mean and what I should do, if anything?
Thanks! | struck up conversation with a colleague via IM and Facebook and he seemed receptive but now seems a little stand-offish in person. Not interested? |
t3_31adfu | relationships | What should I do to become friends with my [21 F] ex-girlfriend [26 F] duration of 2 years? | My ex-girlfriend (26 F) and I had been struggling with our relationship for at least four months now. We had been dating for two years. Yesterday she broke up with me over me feeling upset and disappointed about something unreasonable, and she more or less felt that being right was more important than being with me. We spoke on the phone today and I have since gotten closure and am confident of moving on in the near future, and will not be trying to get back with her or anything of that sort.
Throughout our relationship she had been my best friend and confidante. I feel like I want to keep this aspect of our relationship even though we have broken up romantically, reason being that I am very comfortable around her and am very used to her companionship. In my possibly biased opinion, we would make great best friends if there aren't any romantic feelings in the way. We are very different people and could complement each other in friendship.
What should I do to head in the direction of being best friends (or even just friends first) with her? What should I avoid doing completely in order not to alienate that option? We are most likely going No Contact for the time being, but is there anything that I should not do (e.g., get a rebound etc) in the mean time? | Ex-girlfriend broke up with me and I have no intention of trying to get back with her, but I'd like to remain friends. What should I do in the mean time to make that happen? |
t3_14jygm | relationships | discovered [29f] that my boyfriend [29m] isn't over his ex (from approx. 4 years ago). | hey r/relationships. i [29f] don't post here often, but really need some advice. i was browsing reddit randomly (i'm admittedly not a regular user) and came across a post that was actually written by my BF [29m]. we live together and have been dating for nearly 3 years. naturally, it's fairly serious by this point, we've talked marriage, future, etc. here is his post:
"There is always the one that got away... the one that still hurts. I'll spare you all the gory details, unless you want them later, but suffice it to say that due to my shortsightedness and immaturity I feel like I lost the one girl that I was meant to be with. It's now been 4 years since I broke up with her and I still think about her pretty much every day."
as i read the post, i felt that feeling… shaking, after being punched in the gut and having all of your energy completely drained. i approached him about his post (of course i was very upset) and he assured me that it was just a 'moment of weakness', just a day where he felt 'self-indulgent' and that he truly cared about me. i wasn't necessarily angry at him, a person can't help how they feel and i respect that. we talked about our relationship and pretty much smoothed things over - he's been very loving otherwise & I like to think we have a pretty healthy relationship. but I can't get over this so easily, especially feeling like i'm constantly being compared to someone else in some other context, and the fact that he clearly feels like maybe i'm not the person he was 'meant to be with'.
What do you think? Am I hanging onto something that's trivial? Or are we choosing a 'healthy relationship' and mediocrity over something that's real? | my [29f] live-in BF [29m] of 3yrs is still stuck on his ex, regretting choices he made 4 years ago, thus challenging the legitimacy of our relationship. |
t3_sqkg9 | AskReddit | While driving, I often consider the trust I have that approaching vehicles won't cross the center line, and vice versa. What other constructs of society do we rely on, and possibly take for granted? | It occurs to me often that there is very little keeping drivers from fatal accidents, billions of times per day, across the globe. We seem to trust that every driver on the road is not only competent in the most basic sense, but also not a homicidal maniac.
A bit of context: I found myself on an empty highway late at night, facing two white lights ahead of me that seemed to be getting closer. I realized quickly enough that they were headlights, attached to a big-ass truck. The grassy median between north-bound and south-bound lanes is wide enough for this person to be driving toward me intentionally, or if not toward me, than toward anyone too slow to avoid him (or her). I changed out of the center lane with a look of horror on my face, thankful that they did not decide to meet me in this lane as well. It got me thinking how many basic understandings of co-habitation most people have for each other, whereas if they didn't exist, we'd be living like Mad fucking Max. | in which ways do we trust strangers not to put our lives in danger/kill us where it would otherwise be simple for them to do so? |
t3_21qfcg | relationships | Am I [21F] being too sensitive about my boyfriend's [21M] attitude? | My BF and I have been together for about six months, and neither of us have many 'group' hobbies. He mostly games, writes, and watches movies with his mates, and I like reading, going to the gym, and other traditionally solo stuff.
I feel like we don't have much to say to each other, and we always end up just hanging out doing nothing when we're together. I try to suggest things to do, but he tends to shoot them down - if he does acquiesce, I feel like I'm dragging him along and stopping him from doing whatever he would have otherwise.
We've talked about it, but he's apathetic and neither of us really knows what to do. His apathy extends beyond just spending time with me: he doesn't have any particular passion or ambition in life, and it drags me down. And then I feel bad about it dragging me down.
Maybe it's just my insecurity, but this is getting harder and harder to deal with. I don't feel good enough to interest him in my company. Does anyone have some insight, suggestions, or criticism? | BF is unambitious, bored, and kind of boring. It feels like my fault. Communication didn't help. What do? |
t3_xm96p | AskReddit | My boss may be a cheat, and my group may be losing funding. What should I do? | So I am an undergraduate researcher at my university. I won't give away my university or area of study, also using a throwaway. I'll just say I am on the west coast and work in a lab. If my description is too vague I'm sorry, but trying to keep anyone from knowing me.
I have been working in this department for about 6 months now. Doing low-level stuff, and basically what you expect a young undergrad to do in research. I thought everyone was going well, until a couple days ago.
I recently discovered there is a few problems in the lab, namely budget. There is a strange situation of an abundance of grad students. We have close to 10. But 2 of them are not even paid, which I didn't know. They actually have other jobs and come in to do research for free.
I also found out that my boss (not the professor, but the grad student who hired me) was involved in a bit of a scandalous situation with a paper and taking work from other grad students. This all happened right before I joined and was kept so hush hush that I never suspected anything. (I was actually warned by a grad student to be careful around my boss, as in I met get screwed over.)
Has anyone in research dealt with something like this? Should I talk to my boss? Should I try to get into a new research group? Or is this kind of thing common and should I just learn to navigate it and look out for myself? | Recently found out my research group is in trouble with funding, and my boss was involved in possibly stealing research/denying authorships on a paper. What can I do? |
t3_lms7a | AskReddit | New cat, need advice (x-post from /r/cats). | So, I adopted a cat three weeks ago and I need some training advice.
In the beginning, he was pretty laid back and we only had one bathroom incident on the first day, so we weren't too worried since it was probably nerves. However, for the past 3-4 days he has been going crazy. He shit on the steps leading up to my roommate's room a few days ago. Then, he crapped in the bathtub yesterday, was hissing at the turtle's aquarium (something he's never done before), and peed in my room. We also found a pee stain on the steps, but weren't sure when it happened. To boot, he crapped in the hallway ten minutes ago.
Up until now, he had been using his litterbox just fine, and still uses it mostly. Really, his only problem was that he meowed incessantly. He is not neutered yet, but is going to the vet tomorrow morning to determine if he is healthy enough to have the surgery done. Once the vet gives it the green-light, he's getting snipped. I've been told this will take care of a lot of the problems, but I am guessing there's some more training necessary. I've started using a spray bottle, but haven't done so long enough to tell if it is effective, although he is not a fan of the bottle at all.
Thanks for your help folks. | the cat I got three weeks ago has recently started shitting and pissing all over the house and being territorial towards my pet turtle. Need advice. |
t3_2w63zl | loseit | Wanting to start a weight loss journey without triggering an eating disorder relapse | Hi all!
I'm a lurker to this sub as well as /r/fitness and /r/c25k for a while now, and I am also about 10-11 months into recovery from six years of anorexia/bulimia. I'm a 21 year old college student posied to graduate in May. Last winter, I finally told my parents and got help, and now I don't use any destructive restrictive or purging behaviors.
I am now mentally healthy and sound, and I love my body, but I want to be in better shape and I would like to lose some weight. I never got "stick thin," even at the height of my ED I was still classified as overweight. So while I do want to lose some weight, I am very nervous about this because I don't want to relapse or trigger any "bad" behaviors. I don't currently weigh myself because that's really triggering for me, but I know that I probably have 50 pounds to lose (I gained more weight when I stopped the starving and purging because I basically had no clue how to eat).
I am looking for any advice here...I know counting calories is a surefire way to help lose weight, but I guess I'm just nervous about using MFP, since I used to use it for not so noble reasons. I'm working on couch to 5k and also on incorporating walking 20-30 minutes per day into my daily routine. Another issue I face is that as a college student, I do not have a kitchen, so I have to rely on dining hall food very frequently. I also do have a therapist and a nutritionist who I talk to about all this stuff, but I find it really helps me to hear from other people who have been there.
Is there anyone out there who used to have an ED who went on to lose weight in a safe, healthy way? I would love to hear from you! Thanks :) | I used to have an eating disorder, now I've overcome it and am looking for ways to safely and happily lose weight without relapsing. |
t3_uy9po | AskReddit | How do I optimize my year old "normal" laptop for gaming? | Hey, reddit. So I have a VAIO laptop with an intel premium 1.87ghz processor, 4gigs of ram, and 1751mb of virtual memory. The game I want to play is Starcraft 2 and I do, at the very minimum settings but it still lags( I get 20fps at the beggining of games but during big attacks it usually drops to 6fps making micro impossible). I have game booster installed and active I also frequently de-frag my computer.
I know one many people will say "buy a new computer" but that's not in my budget right now. It will be in a month or 2 but not now. | I have a crappy laptop and game booster and am looking to run SC2 on lowest settings lag-free. Help me please! |
t3_4jyk9o | relationships | Very pregnant (32F) and just found a ton of awful shit in my husband's (38M) past. What do? | Where to start. We've been married 6 years together 11.
Looking through emails and Facebook messages he's in the past flirted with a couple of old acquaintances. Gotten dirty pictures from them and sent some of his own. He swears up and down he never met with them or had any physical contact at all despite asking where one lived and what she was doing certain days.
Upon further digging I have found several emails reaching out to craigslist ads for men, gloryholes, bj's etc. He has not admitted to any of the CL activity other than saying it was a way to obtain photos. That I can understand (not forgive entirely but understand) but when he gives details about when he would be available to show up and participate that's another story. He's obviously looking to act on these thoughts in my opinion. Granted I had to go back aways to find this stuff 3 or 4 years in some cases. But I don't think that makes it ok as we've been married for 6 and together much longer than that. I'd like to think he's quit doing this sort of thing but maybe he just uses a different email address or is better about deleting emails idk.
My head is spinning. I feel that we are over. Is there any chance that if he has stopped all of this and we go to counseling we could maybe try and fix this? Why am I soooo calm right this minute? | husband of 6 years cruising craigslist for men. Is there any hope with counseling? Also I'm 8 months pregnant yay. |
t3_34ul2y | relationships | Me [23F] with my boyfriend [29 M] year & a half, missing condoms | To keep this brief, my boyfriend and I were getting ready to do the deed a couple of weeks ago, but before we started I went to grab a condom. When looking through them, I noticed four (of the seven we had) were missing. I asked him immediately if he knew anything about it and he seemed just as confused as I was, but I still left the situation feeling uncomfortable about the whole thing.
I have no reason not to trust him. We've hardly even gotten in a fight in the year and a half we've been together, and we generally spend most days together other than when we're in class or at work. I know it sounds ridiculous and I know it will hurt our relationship if I continue to let this fester, but, due to a previous relationship, my trust is kind of fragile.
Also, before this situation we were in a pretty rocky place due to a move and stress from school where I was craving intimacy and his drive was really low which put us at each others' throats. One day in particular, he took his car in for some work that he said would take about an hour or two and it ended up taking five. During those five hours, we were texting back and forth about an argument we had the night before about whether or not we should break up because he couldn't "give me what I wanted", and there were about two hours during that time where he didn't text me back at all and I've felt weird about it ever since.
I recognize I have no concrete evidence or even a REAL reason to assume he's cheating on me, I'm just terrified of it being true and, of course, the hurt that comes from that :(
basically | condoms went missing and I feel weird about believing my boyfriend when he says he doesn't know where they went because I'm a terrible girlfriend. |
t3_fvxx0 | relationships | 20F, boyfriend wants to videotape | So, me and my boyfriend (he's 22) have been together for 7 months. We are going to be long distance for about a month and a half. He wants to videotape us having sex, and I don't want to. He says he wants the videos so that he can have stuff to remember me by while we're apart...but he has also been bringing up the videos for a few months, even when we weren't long distance. What complicates all fo this is that, originally, I said yes to the videotapes. Then I realized "holy sh*t..my future." I talked to him about it, and deleted them.
He feels hurt that I deleted them, and hurt that I don't want to make more. I've offered a compromise of doing a video, but without my face in it, so no one who accidentally saw it could recognize me.He still isn't happy with that. He asks why I don't want to: I say it's because of the risks, that if someone saw the video, it would be humiliating, not to mention if the video somehow got out. He says it won't get out- but the thing is..you never know, and I just feel like it's a very high risk to take? I'm just not comfortable with the idea of it. I've heard stories of women's careers being ruined over sex tapes.
I also don't like the attitude he takes to me saying no. For example, we were about to have sex, he asked if he could video, I said no, and he then refused sex. He has done this about 3 times. And when I deleted the videos he refused to do anything physical with me beyond a small kiss on the lips and wouldn't say "I love you" for 2 days.
The thing is, he has been very giving in the kinks I have. My concern is that if I don't respond to his kinks, then I am being selfish and an overall bad girlfriend.
What do you all think? | Boyfriend wants sex tapes, I don't want to do them, and I want to know if i'm being irrational. |
t3_4kdyyr | offmychest | I fucked up and now a friend hates me | I never wanted to hurt him. I never thought it'd go this way.
I accidentally got matched online with my friend's ex-gf without me knowing it was her. Then she made me promise to never tell him. We ended up casually chatting, though I felt guilty, I didn't have any intentions. However, I never had such good chats with a stranger before, things changed. My friend guaranteed me that he was 100% done with her and I figured I could tell him what was up once there was need for it.
However, contact between her and me faded, we never met up. Then suddenly, I get a message from my friend, saying she had sent him screenshots of our conversations. Of course he was mad that we were in contact and I wanted to meet up with her. He mentioned some things which made me think that that girl lied to him, manipulated him, used me to get him back. Both of them already told me stories before that suggested she's a psychopath.
Within that one message, he told me to not even dare sending him a reply, an excuse, or anything else ever for that matter, not in chat nor in person. He never wants to see me ever again.
I have seen him a few times at school since it happened (2 weeks ago). The hatred in his eyes. It hurts. I want to tell him that this was not just a random thing. That I did care about our friendship and to watch out for her. I don't need him to forgive me or to forget the situation. I know that I did a bad thing, no matter the intentions I started out with, but I think he's been manipulated into thinking it's all way worse.
I want to tell him, but how strongly he wrote to never want to hear from me again, and his eyes, it all makes me afraid and I don't know whether to even do it. I don't know if that would do any good and maybe it's just better to take this as a learning experience. I can't get it out of my head. Not now at least. | I fucked up, hurting my friend. My friend won't allow me to explain and I think he's being manipulated. |
t3_23ioo0 | relationships | I[18M] am confused with how to text with my friend[17F]. | So to start off, this girl and I have really hit it off. We've known eachother for years but this is the first time we've ever talked about being romantically interested in eachother. However, my last relationship ended because we just ran out of things to talk about. I want to know from anyone how to handle a situation where you cant think of anything meaningful to text about(IE lazy day in) and how to end a conversation after it's reached that lull. I am home often with nothing to do so I have a lot of free time, I'm just worried that if I spend too much time texting things between us will just get boring. I suppose what I'm really wondering here is how to end a conversation when it reaches a dull in the action and start talking maybe a few hours later. | I want to know how to handle a situation where a text convo gets boring, do I make up a fake excuse to leave the convo for a bit or how do I handle it. |
t3_11lpuy | AskReddit | Planning to try and get off of disability and reenter the workforce (in the US). What are some steps I should take in order to make it work? | Hey, everyone! I'm currently disabled but I want to try to reenter the workforce and see if I can maintain employment. I'm going to take it slow and build up the stamina needed. Also, if it doesn't work, I have a nine month period to tell the Social Security Administration that I am not going to pursue employment so I've got time to see how it goes once I start.
**My biggest issue is the planning. I was hoping you could help me with that.**
My information:
- My disability is actually an amalgam of diseases that make working on a continuous basis hard. I have chronic fatigue syndrome, minor symptoms of fibromyalgia, ADHD, and bipolar disorder/anxiety issues. I had to quit my last job and seek disability because I started having regular panic attacks at work.
* I have a little education beyond high school but never finished a degree because of my health.
I want to do this because:
* My mother is also disabled and I feel I would better be able to care for her if I got a steady job with better pay
* I'll totally admit that even though I have a legitimate problem, I feel like a leech on society
* I've been feeling stronger now that I am medicated so as long as I can maintain the medication flow I think I may be able to at least hold part-time work. | What are your suggestions on how I should go about doing this? Is there a certain job I should look for? Thank you. |
t3_krm0w | AskReddit | Hey Reddit, my car got broken into can you help me? | Long story short, my car got broken into. They stole my laptop bag and my gym bag. Luckily I have renters insurance, but I have to get receipts, etc to prove that I actually had this stuff. One thing I'm lost on is my gym bag. I can't find the receipt, and REI (where I got it) hasn't had any luck either. I'm figuring if I can just ballpark the insurance company, I'll at least get *something* back. Can you help me find it reddit? It was a black messenger bag, single strap with a logo on the back that said "check out the hook while my DJ revolves it." What'cha got reddit? Can you help? Also, any ideas on anything else I can do to prove the shit I lost was mine? | I got my bag stolen - it was black with "check out the hook while my DJ revolves it" on the back. Can you help find a price for it? |
t3_vcxk6 | dating_advice | Bad time to say I'm not interested???....need advice | 26/F So I went on a few dates with a guy and came to the realization that I'm just not feeling the connection and it probably won't go anywhere (I actually made another post about this already). We were supposed to hang out today and I had planned in my head to tell him it wasn't going to work out...
Shortly before leaving my house he called and asked to reschedule for tomorrow because he quit smoking and feels anxious. So I thought well fuck. I still really don't want to drag this out and plan on telling him tomorrow, but I guess I just need some reassurance that I'm not a horrible person for breaking things off with this guy even though he's going through the anxiety/shittiness of quitting smoking? Or should I wait? I feel like waiting isn't the right solution here but I feel bad because quitting smoking sucks enough as it is and I don't want to hurt his feelings even more than it could without this wrench thrown in the works. | was going to tell a guy today that I wasn't interested in seeing him anymore but he just quit smoking and now I'm wondering if this is a bad time for that. |
t3_kno2b | AskReddit | What do I do? College student falling behind | Hey askreddit,
The beginning of my semester went really well. The first two weeks that is.
I had to do some work for my family and had to miss the third week. After that I was just really stressed about missing so much class and my schedule was turned around so I would sleep through class on accident. This caused me to get really really depressed. I've just now gotten my schedule turned around and I'm working on getting out of my depression by exercising, staying busy and keeping to a strict schedule.
What I need you for is what should I tell my professors/the university? Should I just tell them I had personal problems, what can I do to make things up? Will they ask to know what problems I was having?
Thanks everyone. | Haven't been to classes for 3 of the 5 weeks. What do I do to go back in, what do I tell my professors? |
t3_zqike | AskReddit | I'm a sophomore in college, and I'm being bullied. What should I do? | First let me start off with the story.
This girl and I, we'll call her Nancy, were really good friends freshman year. We were both a part of the same club, we lived in the same community, and we just enjoyed each other's company. She eventually tells me that she is starting to see someone, let's call him Gary. I find this totally fine, and pretty awesome. I'm always happy for my friends to find someone. Anyway, I meet him, and he seems very chill and easy to talk to. He seemed like the kind of person I could talk to when something was bothering me, or if I just needed to have some good bro-talk. Fast forward a couple months, and I find out that he dislikes me because he's jealous of the time Nancy and I spend together. So I let him know that I don't like her, and I never have, and that he should just go for her! I thought that was the end of that, silly me. Few months later, I find out he really wants to beat me up. Multiple sources, including Nancy, have told me that he wants to fight. At this point, I've become absolutely confused and a little scared. There have been several times since then where he's walked up to me, yelling, and giving me a hard time, without actually punching me. It happened again today, and I couldn't pull myself up, emotionally. I need some good ol' advice reddit! | There is a guy who wants to beat me up, even though I've told him that I don't like his girl, and I'm concerned |
t3_4wiw0c | relationships | Me [22 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] duration, short-description | Me and my now ex-girlfriend were dating for a while then she started talking to her ex again so we ended up breaking up. I have reason to believe based on conversations with mutual friends it is because she misses sleeping with him. We are talking again and she says she still loves me and wants to be with me but she doesn't feel like she is into me enough to make it last.
So, the question part is we haven't had sex cause I used to be really religious and I was waiting to have sex not necessarily until marriage but until a pretty serious relationship at least since I had waited so long already. I wanted it to be meaningful in some way. I know that she really wants to have sex and she said she wanted to wait because I had wanted to but I know she has also been wanting it really bad.
Could us not having sex be the issue that is leading her to not being into me enough? If so is that reasonable? | Is refraining to sleep with my former girlfriend a good reason for her to feel like she isn't as "into me" as she feels like she should be. |
t3_2i8g9t | relationships | I [20 M] losing interest in [18 F] GF | We have been dating for almost a year this Late October. We have had our up and downs but I do love her. We might be young but we have talked about a future together. Lately I have felt off, she does go to college 3 hours away but even when I visit I feel the same. I have gotten annoyed of her lately and I hate it. One day I'm good and I feel affectionate and the next I don't even want to talk.
I get annoyed when we have different views on most things only because she only sees things her way and if not it's stupid to her.. On religion and other things. She asked me what my views on god were, as she's a baptist and I said I believed in deism and she shot me down saying no you are wrong and wouldn't let it go. Same as when I was on reddit and I said something about Isis killing people and she said I was "unethical" that they should get what's coming to them for killing innocents. I can't talk about things because she will express her views on everything and nothing else I say matters.. And it sucks. I understand people have different views but she makes it seem like I'm an idiot for different ones than hers.
I've talked to her about all this, it just happens so often just these past 2 weeks and I feel annoyed. She's noticed it and she gets upset regularly, and all she does is complain about either room mates, school and how she feels sick every single day. This is every single day and it bothers me.. I just want her to be happy but even when I make the drive to visit we don't do anything but sit in her dorm, cause she doesn't want to go do anything.
Any advice | losing interest in gf of 1 year. Disagree a lot, and tired of her complaining 7 days a week about everything. I want it to work cause we love each other but it's hard not getting annoyed with her |
t3_4fqlq8 | relationships | Me [18M] with my girlfriend [21F] of a long distance relationship, may get fired from her job and I don't know how to help her. | A little background on this, my GF has been working a work at home job for a few years. It's a call center type of job, where people call her, she answers the phone and helps them with whatever they need help with. I don't know how it works exactly, but recently she received a new supervisor that is being unfair, my girlfriend has told me she feels the supervisor is out to get her fired. Being her BF, I was very concerned, she has no family that she can turn to, and me and mother live in a small apartment. I'm still finishing up high school, and will be done by the end of the month, but I'm worried my GF is going to be homeless and I can't financially help her.
My question is, how can I help her? She is certain her job is going to fire her, she and I are looking for similar jobs for her to work, as a back-up plan in case worst comes to worst. Is there something she can do as an employee to resolve the problems her supervisor has with her? To my knowledge, they move her to a new department every few months, put her through a 1-day training for the new department and then right into the actual department itself. Her supervisor has been marking her quality down for things she did not learn or was taught. There isn't anyone else she can turn to, other than her supervisor, who she feels is out to terminate her. | My GF may lose her job, the long-distance doesn't allow me to help her, and I'm still finishing school. I don't know what to do. |
t3_2pggry | relationships | Me [28M] broke up with GF [22F] 1YR, thinking of breaking no contact, advice? | Original:
Hi All,
First of all, been 6 weeks now since she broke up with me, I felt better around week 3 or 4 and now I have plummeted again.
She was my first love, I keep dreaming about her and replayed all the happy moments in my mind, the first date, the first sex, the first time she said "I Love You"
In fairness, I am not replaying any of the arguments, diminishing sex life which was weird after 11 months, the seeing less of each other... etc
Just finding it very hard, I went full NC at first, blocked her on social media... but every now and then still checked her Instagram as you can't really block on that... but now unlocked her on FB and stuff, she has deleted ALL pictures of us every together which absolutely devastated me.
So what I am thinking is... I was going to write her a letter, telling her how I feel, where I think it went wrong and if she would like to fix it... I want to do it more for me if anything, to know I have tried all options to fix this situation, I miss her so so so much, we are very different, me very affectionate and loving but not so good with words and she more cold and distant but very expressive with writting and really conveys her love when she writes me cards and whatnot.
I know it's my first love and I have always been very closed before... but I honestly think she might be the one, her leaving my life feels like my life has just gone down the toilet, I am unmotivated to do anything work or social wise but I am pushing myself to do it but I honestly feel like a zombie.
What to do??????? | thinking of breaking no contact to send her a letter saying I miss her and want her back, good or bad idea? |
t3_2cmcwy | Advice | 1 week before i go to college, dad says he's not going to pay for it anymore | We've been fighting for years, he'll always be a jerk but recently I thought we were legitimately making progress. He gave me an entry level job at a semi-big business that he owns to work for during this summer. We'd been having fights lately about this and that and today he tells me that he's firing me and that he's not going to pay for any of my expenses at school this year. I was supposed to go next week; it would be my final year in school.
My dad makes too much money for me to qualify for any free financial aid and in the past has refused to fill out any sort of FAFSA forms so it's not possible for them to gauge how much money I'm eligible to be loaned.
One week is too short of notice to get any sort of private loans as far as I know, and even if it wasn't, I would likely need a co-signer and I lack any adults who would be willing to do so (my dad has said that he would not let my mother co-sign anything for me in the past).
I don't know what to do. He told me that and after he told me to get out, I walked out of his office, went straight to my car and came home. No one else is home yet and I haven't talked to my mom about it all. She likely can't/won't do anything but I'm just trying to figure out what to do. I want to pack up all my things and just leave but I don't have anywhere to go and my school is over 9 hours of driving away and even if I went ahead and moved in already, I won't have a way to pay for it.
The advice, I'm looking for I suppose is what should I do? Talking things through with my dad is absolutely out of the question. Not that I'm too angry to talk or anything, just that it really isn't even a possibility. | my dad gives me a week's notice to tell me that he won't pay for my school anymore and basically says "too bad" when i tell him there's not a way for me to get a loan to cover it |
t3_1opm6t | relationship_advice | My boyfriend's (25 M) mother doesn't like me (25 F). | I'll start this off by saying that my boyfriend and I have been together a total of 9 months now. In the beginning, his mother seemed to really like me. We would hang out when my boyfriend wasn't around and talk and just genuinely enjoyed each other's company.. or so I thought. It was brought to my attention that she has been saying not so nice things about me behind my back. I've overheard most of it (they live in a small house and she isn't exactly an expert whisperer) and some I had to pry out of my boyfriend. He sticks up for me every single time. He is currently not living at home because of the fact that his mother is a very two faced person and is always insulting me behind my back and him sticking up for me leads to them fighting.
I've literally not done one thing to make her dislike me. I've always been very cordial and respectful. I made it a point to try and get to know her and be friendly because he is her only child and family had always been important for both of us.
It all came to a head when he confronted her and said that I no longer come over because I feel unwelcomed and that she is very negative towards me. She then proceeds to tell him that he needs to come get his shit and get out of her house. After he agrees that he'll come get his things she leaves me a voicemail telling me that I need to get my shit together. Now, we have a family function tomorrow (a cousin's 5th birthday party) where she will be present and my boyfriend really wants me to go. They have patched things over, but she has not said anything to me since the voicemail and I'm just worried about what may happen tomorrow. I just don't know how I should move forward with all of this. | Used to be friendly with boyfriend's mom. She started talking about me behind my back so I've avoided her. Now we have to be at a birthday party together. Help. |
t3_16f2gh | relationships | [f22] just really needs someone to talk to. | Hey so me and my boyfriend of two years have been on the rocks lately and tonight he planned this really big surprise for me to get us back to good but I didn't know it was happening and I had a bunch of other stuff to get done tonight so I opted to hang out another night.. and anyway, he got frustrated (understandably) and I then got frustrated too and went off on him pretty hard about some stupid thing that didn't even pertain to the problem and anyway.. I'm pretty sure he's going to break up with me (understandably) and I'd just really like someone to talk to.
We've been on the rocks for the passed month of so, and it's mostly because I suck at listening and keep creating the same problems (honeslty, I can totally see that. I can't stop myself from making a mess though. It's like it's just who I am). Other than this passed month we've been doing well for 2 years (just regular ups and downs). We're both really mature individuals who never fight over petty things, we completely trust each other and anyway.. I'm just really bummed and would like someone to talk to.
Can someone help me try to feel better? or maybe suggest something to fix this? I know it's probably trivial compared to other people's problems but it feels pretty big to me right now. | [f22] dating [m25] for 2 years. On the rocks lately and I just put the nail in the coffin. Any advice on making it better? |
t3_n7rim | AskReddit | HELP REDDIT. I want my cousins will spend xmas in an orphanage, unnecessarily. | The title should say I don't want them to be there sorry!!!!
I'll give you the basic facts.
I have two nieces in Turkey. They are both Turkish nationals, their mother is dead and their father cannot raise them (for reasons I won't explain).
Basically my Aunt, who is a native of my country, and my uncle who has been repatriated and is now a citizen of this country adopted them domestically (in Turkey).
They are ready to go from a Turkish perspective. i.e. They are fully adopted and everything is above board.
The problem is the authorities in my country won't grant them visas to stay here. They won't even grant them temporary visas.
I was wondering if you have any advice as to what we can do?
We have spoken to the prime-minister, second minister, minster for Justice and plenty of local representatives and nothing has worked so far. | my cousins who are 7 and 10 will spend another christmas in Turkey because my government won't give them a visa even though they are fully adopted. |
t3_27b8ly | personalfinance | Is it worth it to get an MBA? | I got a BA in Economics/Administrative Studies last year and for the past year I have been doing accounting for a family friend making $11.50/hr. I hate my job. I have no debt at the moment and I need to further myself.
I cannot live off of this income and I've been living at home with my mum. I use her car, I pay for gas on her card, she pays for groceries, etc. I feel pretty sad about that because she doesn't deserve to have me as a burden.
Anyways, I don't see my job leading anywhere... as it's a very small company with pretty much NO room for growth.
I fucked up in college, I didn't take internships or become part of clubs... all I wanted to do was go home and play World of Warcraft/League... and now I'm fucked.
My GPA in school was pretty bad... 2.56. When I was in school all I cared about was going home and doing raids, but now I know better and I would devote my free time to going to career fairs, networking, joining a club, getting an internship, etc. I have completely changed my mindset, I just need to get a plan into action.
Anyways... would it be beneficial for me to get an MBA and try to do something like Marketing? Or maybe get an MBA in accounting? I would go at least 40k in debt I think... would it even be worth it? What is a good career to invest myself in? | 23 years old w/ BA in Econ. Shitty job with no growth. No networking has been done... what do? |
t3_2iijft | relationships | Me [17F], just started dating a guy [20M], really want to move forward but we have an expiration date. | I recently moved to a new city for the fall as part of a year abroad. Meeting people has been hard since most people my age are in college right now, so out of half-boredom, half-curiosity I created a Tinder profile, not really expecting anything to actually come of it. About three weeks ago I met one guy in particular and there was a good vibe so I decided to meet him, which I've never done before with someone from the internet, let alone Tinder.
Suffice to say it went better than I could have imagined. He was kind, sweet, sort of adorably shy, madly attractive and obviously not your average Tinder creeper. We've started going out and are now seeing each other almost every other day. It hasn't been very long but things have been moving fast, including emotionally. I really feel a connection with this guy and I honestly think he's boyfriend material.
I'm not sure exactly what my question is but I think I need some guidance. I've had my share of relationships, but it's always been people I was friends with beforehand. I'll try to write what's on my mind:
I've been thinking a lot about asking him if he wants to make this official. I think we both want that, but at what point is this considered normal in the dating process?
And here's the real catch: I'm only going to live in this city for another three months. I would be absolutely happy to be in a relationship until then, but I don't think a LDR would work for either of us. I'm pretty sure he agrees. Nonetheless we have started to seriously care about each other. Is it fair of me to ask him to be my boyfriend? What about (should it surface) the L-word? Would I just be setting the both of us up to get hurt? It feels like I have so much time here but I guess I really don't.
I know lots of you will scoff at Tinder (because I did too), but I think that given time I could love this guy. Help. | Started dating a guy, real spark, crazy about each other, I'm only living here temporarily. Is it fair to try to advance the relationship? If so, what do? |
t3_3erww2 | relationships | Me [26 F] with my friends [26 M,F] of a year, I got their hopes up in regards to Uni but it didn't work out | My friends both work in dead end retail jobs (no judgement, there just isn't any room for career progression there), and have recently applied to University. I'm at University, due to graduate soon.
I'm not a native to Britain. I got admitted to Uni here because of an agreement between my college and said University. So I have no idea how the system here works, how qualifications work, etc.
Both of them now have been rejected and didn't get into a foundation course, because both lack the necessary qualifications.
I feel it's my fault that they both are in that position. I brought up the idea, I took them to the Uni Open Day, I put the idea of getting into Uni into their heads.
Of course, they are massively distraught. She, let's call her Aria, has been putting all of her hopes on this. She has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, so she's already fragile. I fear this is going to push her over the edge. She has broken down and is ready to give up and resign herself to the fact that she's "going to be a shelf stacker all her life" (her words).
He, Ben, was more realistic, and even though he is somewhat pissed off he is able to deal a lot better.
Two questions:
How can I be there for them without flaunting my "success" in their face? How can I help Aria cope? Can I even do anything?
I am, and I know this is selfish, afraid that they will blame me for their shitty situation, or resent me for getting into Uni while they didn't. I feel guilty for even bringing up the idea, and for encouraging them to go through with their applications. How do I deal with it if that happens? And, even though logically I know I'm not to blame for them not getting their A Levels or whatever they would need, how do I get away from that guilt? | Friends applied for Uni b/c of my encouragement, they didn't get in. I want to help, and I feel guilty. |
t3_3euun5 | relationships | I [23/F] am foreseeing the end to my long-term relationship with my boyfriend [24]. | For those of you who have experienced a breakup after a long-term relationship, how did it happen? How did it go? How did you feel after it happened? How are you now?
I have been dating my boyfriend for a very long time since we were both very young; next month will/would be our 7 year anniversary. We have been having major issues due to his behavior for over a year now. Also, as we get older, I am noticing that our plans in life just aren't compatible. I would be initiating the breakup and I'm extremely apprehensive and scared. I know breaking up is the best thing for me, but he will/would be very much against the decision. Part of me doesn't want to break up, but I know it's because I've grown so used to having him in my life and it's about comfort instead of happiness at this point. | I'm strongly considering breaking up with my boyfriend of 7 years and am anxious and looking to hear from someone who has dealt with a similar experience. |
t3_30ytl1 | relationships | Me [19 F] with my boyfriend [22 M] of 1 year: tips for a long distance relationship | I decided to go out-of-state for my undergrad due to the degree I thought I wanted. I met my boyfriend a few months in and we've been together since. He's wonderful and everything I've ever wanted in a significant other and life partner.
This semester, I have changed what I wanted to do. I came to this school specifically for the degree but since I'm no longer going to pursue it: I have decided to return to my home state in order to avoid racking up even more debt. We'll be 18 hours away, so weekend trips won't always be possible.
My boyfriend and I have talked extensively about it and there was never any doubts that we will try to make our relationship work. We've planning it out and hopefully we'll only be apart for a year, but it could be up to 3 years, depending on where he gets into grad school. (If it takes three years then we will have to rethink our strategy because that is a long time) We've planned trips to see each other and have been brainstorming ways to make it easier on our relationship, but I wanted some input from people who have done the long distance thing before.
How did you make it last? How did you survive through the weeks and months of not being able to see each other? What are things we can do to make sure that we stay connected?
I'm sure people will say that it's not worth it because we're both so young, but we're going to try and make this work. Any advice would be lovely. Thank you! | I will be transferring schools in a month and he's staying to finish school. We'll be apart for a year for sure and possible three, at most. Any advice on how to make it easier and keep our relationship strong? |
t3_406o6v | personalfinance | Trying to buy a new car. $5k in saving. 635-ish credit score. No debt. One credit card. 100k income. | Hello,
Created a throwaway for this. My wife and I are trying to buy a new car.
**Some back story:** My spouse and I moved to Georgia a year ago, we've been living with my in-laws. We pay rent and half the utilities. We have one car and need to purchase an additional car so that we can move out and closer to Atlanta (the commute is killing us).
**So now what?:** We're looking at a 2015 Honda Accord Hybrid. I've had this job for nearly 6 months and make 100k a year before taxes so I *think* it comes to around 75k after taxes (taxed heavily as we're not home owners yet). I have 5k saved up and it's growing slowly but steadily (holidays were a big hit). I have one credit card through Wells Fargo with a limit that was just increased to $1500, we use it for groceries and gas and try to not under utilize it but also not spend with it like crazy.
I know my credit score is around ~~630-ish~~ 695 (via Credit Karma) but I've only had a credit card for less than 2 years. A few months back we went to a dealership and it was a rough experience. They tried to game us a bit but also said that my credit score/history wasn't anything they could hang their hat on and the best they could offer is an APR of 20%. We walked out as soon as they said that.
I feel pretty discouraged, I feel like other people with more debt and smaller income could more easily get a car. I'm considering going to my bank and seeing how good of a loan I can get because I think my credit score is still too low to qualify for manufacturer financing.
I've read a lot on here and just wanted to see if there was specific advice for my scenario. Any advice for my situation? What am I doing wrong? | Good income. Average credit score, short credit history. Savings growing. Can't figure out why I can't get a good APR. Help! |
t3_2x30b0 | running | Half-marathon training assistance needed | Hi running,
I have found myself in a bit of a predicament, and I need advice and help. Months ago I signed up for a half marathon to be ran May 3. I'd never done one before but I've been running for soccer training for years and figured I could get into it.
The caveat here is that I chose the race as a comeback from ACL reconstruction surgery. That was all well and good until my recovery took longer than expected.
Long story short, here I am, fully recovered and ready to train, but with only about 8-9 weeks before the marathon. My prior conditioning as a runner would probably only afford me up to 2-3 miles of running ability at this point. Can I pull this off? If so, what kind of training plan am I going to need to get going on? | I have 8-9 weeks to go from being able to run 2-3 miles to 13.1. Can I, and how? |
t3_1beelb | relationships | Am I [f,22] leading my co-worker [m,25] on intentionally? | I recently started working a retail job at which I am the only girl. The guys who work there are nice and a lot of fun, and I get along well with everybody because we have similar interests. I just graduated from college and don't have a lot of friends left in the city, though I do have a boyfriend, who I've been dating for over a year and who I am moving in with.
I am really trying to expand my social circle and make friends, and I think this job is a great way to do that. I asked my co-worker if he wanted to watch a game that evening after work. He couldn't, so we talked later and made plans to go ice skating later that week. I am a hockey player, and he has never skated, so we were going to meet up before a game of mine and I could give him some lessons.
My boyfriend pointed out to me that this seems very much like a date. I've never mentioned that I have a boyfriend, just because it hasn't come up in conversation with him, though it has with some of my other co-workers. Now I'm worried that he thinks this is a date, and will be angry or disappointed when it isn't. I'm not sure how I can proceed without making it awkward.
He himself hasn't given me any indication that he expects or wants this to be anything other than friendly. Skating is such a big part of my life that I didn't think about the romantic aspect at all. I just want to branch out and make new friends without having to worry about making sure every guy I hang out with knows I have a boyfriend up front or else I'm leading them on. | I have a boyfriend, but asked my new co-worker to go ice skating. Trying to figure out if I am leading him on without meaning to. |
t3_34mn63 | relationships | Me [00 M/F] with my ___ [00 M/F] duration, short-description | If you look through my last few posts on this throwaway account, you would see a desperate guy trying WAY too hard to get a girlfriend.
So it's time to change. Rather than desperately searching for a soul-mate, I've decided to work on myself, try new activities, meet new people, and have fun with friends.
Some things I **must** do:
1. Stop posting on Reddit about how I can't find a girlfriend
2. Socialize with everybody, not just people I want to date
3. Think about the man I want to be in the future, and do whatever it takes to become that guy. (Volunteer a lot, go the gym, eat healthy, etc etc etc)
Anything else I'm missing? | Basically, I should take my time to enjoy being single, because it won't be for long. Any ideas/tips? |
t3_4tobhx | relationships | Is it wrong for me [23M] to continue dating my SO[22F] of 8 months, when I know that I'm going to break up with her? | We've been dating for the past 8 months and for the most part it's been pretty nice. It's been semi long distance as she attend college out of state while I attend in state, but she come home for the summer.
She's a great friend and when we're together things are great. But between our conflicting work schedules and her family obligations I feel like I see her as often as I do when she's out of state.
I also feel like she's much more serious about the relationship than I am. She talks about the future and I'll indulge it a little, but where she sees a potential lifetime commitment, I don't.
All that said, I kinda wanna enjoy the rest of the summer and wait for the bus to come to a stop, rather than jumping off the second it starts slowing down. | I know that I am going to end up breaking up with my SO, but I'd like to enjoy the rest of the summer with her. Is that wrong? |
t3_3kmd6f | relationships | Me [22 F] with my bf [22 M] are serious but he is taking longer to quit smoking | My bf and I are close to approaching our first year together and its gotten very serious. He's a great match for me except for one problem: he's taking wayyyy longer than he promised to quit smoking.
I'm not disgusted by smoking but I AM terrified for him, his health, and his confidence. He wants to stop smoking as much as he wants that cigarette fix. Its a vicious cycle and heartbreaking to watch.
He's got history with nicotine: his father quit only 2 years ago, and he began chewing tobacco with his buddies in high school to cut weight for wrestling
He smokes about 2-3 cigarettes a day and 4-5 if he's stressed or anxious. We agreed that he would start to detox in the fall, but its already been a month and he's still smoking.
I get the feeling he's scared to quit. | How can I help my bf quit smoking? We talk about our future together (a big deal now that we're leaving home, finishing college, etc.) but I don't see it happening unless he's healthier. |
t3_x1cse | AskReddit | Reddit, a friend of ours in the 501st is going through some serious and very expensive medical procedures, and is at risk of losing his Job, I want to set up a donation...how can I go about this? | He's really a good friend of the local 501st squad (Squad 7) here in north Florida, his name is Jon (withholding last name for now). I don't know the exact specifics, but he had heart surgery awhile ago, which I believe started the whole problem. Jon was a avid body builder, would intimidate anyone in the room, but he's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet.
It hit me hard today when they posted that he might need to Mitral Valve completely replaced see:
These procedures cannot be cheap in the least, and the financial aspect will ruin them. What about it that hit me hard is that he said he "wants to give up." His wife is posting about his status and I can tell she is very upset.
I never really knew them too well on a personal level, but I know them enough that I really want to help them. The 501st for those that don't know is a non-profit Star Wars costuming charity organization, where we raise money for various charities and such. While I never saw Jon participate as a costumer, I know he always supported his wife and always came out to gatherings.
I really want to help in some way. I myself am dirt poor and can only offer so much. I would really like to set up some type of donation for them so that they can at least afford some of the surgeries/medications.
Anyone that can help? | Friend of the 501st is giving up on hope after undergoing heart surgery and is needing to get another soon, and they cannot afford what they need. I need help to help them! |
t3_46ckiq | relationships | Should my friend date my ex | Me(17 female) broke up with my ex (17)two months agos we were going out for nearly 11 months he was my first and i broke up with him as i didn't feel he felt the same way.
5 days after i broke up with him, he told me he liked one of my friends megan(17). I then ask my megan if she likes my ex. She say no constantly throughout the two months after our break up and that she thinks what he did was unfair to me, me and my ex begin talking again a month after the break up of which he wants me back but i decline. I then tell megan this and mich more so she knows about out sex life and all my feelings about this break up which consisted of i still like him bit he hurt me too much so couldnt get back with him.
My ex then asks my friends out two months later and megan said yes how should i react about this? Bearing in mind all of us have school together amd are on the same friendship group. | me and my ex broke up and a good friends who knew how upset i were about it and knows a lot about pur sex life is now going on a date with him two months after, what should i do? |
t3_29ets3 | tifu | TIFU by posting several personal details on craigslist | I put an ad on Craigslist under "All Community" - "childcare" offering babysitting services. I said that I was a Stay At Home Mom and mentioned my town, the cross street that I live by, that I live close to a school, my phone number and email address. I also posted a few pictures of my kid friendly backyard and my kids playing.
Today I received a phone call from a man, he SOUNDED creepy, not at all like a dad looking for a babysitter. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and continued the conversation. After he told me briefly about his "2 year old son Zachery", he kept asking how fast I was able to conceive my kids, if I wanted another child, how old I was, how I sounded so friendly....Then he told me he does surveys for a living and asked if he could ask me "sex questions". I hung up. I feel so stupid for posting my details on craigslist...I knew the risk but figured since I posted into a specific group that only moms would see it.
I typed in my phone number on Google and a completely different street and name came up - phew!
I also google searched my email address, again, nothing. | I posted some details about where I live and my phone number on a babysitting ad for craigslist and a creep called me asking weird questions and wanted to give me a "sex survey" |
t3_4fhrot | relationships | I [21M] get angry, frustrated, upset, whenever something reminds me of my ex. | She cheated on me and broke up with me, while for months pretending she "Maybe" wanted to get back with me. When I found out she was actually with the guy she cheated on me with she was still saying I have a chance while she didn't know I knew. This led to me really losing it. I can say she was the first girlfriend I ever truly felt comfortable, open, being myself, and not having any walls. To have someone like that then turn around and cheat and lie...it really messed with me.
This all happened back in October(when we broke up) till the end of November when I found out she was stringing me along and lying to me and I found out about him.
I know I should have left immediately but she did make me feel different and better about myself so I stayed.
Now though, whenever someone or something reminds me of something I did for her, she did for me, or we talked about...I can feel myself getting angry and upset. Not really sure what to do about this...I don't want to get angry regarding anything that had to do with our relationship. | Ex broke down my walls, cheated and lied to me, strung me along. Now I get angry about anything to do with our relationship. |
t3_jp9um | AskReddit | HAE ever tried to do a good deed for selfish reasons, and then received praise for your selflessness? | I'll start. This past week a boys volleyball player at my high school passed away. I knew that the girls volleyball team would be in attendance of the funeral, and seeing the opportunity for a specific girl to cry on my shoulder, ended up convincing my water polo team to attend. Well, she sat nowhere near me and we exchanged about two words at the funeral. It being the second day of a Hmong Funeral, it was not what I would call a "traditional" service, I was not prepared for the lack of contact we would have, but I digress. So after being acknowledged as "coordinator" of my teams attendance, I have received several texts/calls/Emails all saying that what I did was very honorable and meant a lot to the family. | I convinced my team to go to a funeral so I could be close to a girl, only to receive praise for my selflessness. |
t3_az89r | AskReddit | Reddit, my future is in your hands. | I'm turning 21 in a couple months and have no real direction in life. I have taken 2 years of university with nothing really peaking my interest and I now come to you.
What is an amazing career choice that makes lots of money and isn't very difficult to get into? I've been looking at getting into the trades but I have health issues that may limit that. (I had 2 herniated disks in my spine which put me on disability for 6 months. I had surgery last month to fix one of them and I may need another surgery within a couple months.) I'm also curious as to which careers make lots of cash but require a lot of work, which careers make a decent amount of cash for a decent amount of work and which ones make a decent amount of cash for little/no work. | I need to choose a career that makes a good amount of money and isn't too physically strenuous. Any good ideas? |
t3_3lpdu0 | relationships | Me [21 M] broke up with my ex-girlfriend [21 F] after 3 years cause I wasn't happy with my personal development in college | So I started dating this girl in freshmen year and she was incredible and really good for me. We got along great and got really comfortable with each other. She's my first girlfriend for some context. We dated for 3 years until we broke up.
The reason I gave at the time was because we'd discussed the future and how we'd end up in different cities after college and it wouldn't work out. The relationship had an expiry date and so we broke up. But I've been thinking about it since, and the reason I was so ready to break this relationship was because I wasn't happy with how I'd developed personally in college.
I felt like I'd given up a lot of things for the relationship such as going out with my friends more or hanging out with people longer. I am not the person I was hoping to be when I leave college and thats why I needed a change. Just to be clear, she never made me stay in or not let me hang out with my friends; it was just something I did by choosing her more often than my friends and I feel like I would keep doing that if I stayed in the relationship. We also have distinct friend groups so we don't go out together too often.
So since the break up, I've had a chance to meet a lot of people I was neglecting and thats been nice. But I really miss her and being with her. We've barely spoken since the breakup; we decided to remain friends and we've been nice to each other when we do talk - despite it being kinda formal and lacking the previous comfort.
So yeah, I'm not sure what to do. Should I try to get back with her? Or should I just wait and see what happens? | Broke up with long term girlfriend to focus more on myself but cant stop thinking about her; not sure what to do now |
t3_2wm8ep | relationships | My [20/m] girlfriend [24/m] of 6 months absolutely refuses to talk about porn she watches, it's eating me away | So I've been dating this girl for about 6 months now, we have a great relationship and are overall very happy together. We have a great sex life, we have sex almost every day and I really enjoy every second of it. She's the first woman I've ever been with whom I actually cared for to get off -- that is I never cared if the women I've had sex with ever came, only if I did. I guess I've matured, and I think we have great sex.
There's only one problem. She absolutely. Totally. Refuses. To talk about porn at all with me. That is, what kind she watches. While we were drunk once she let it slip that she liked to watch rape porn , but she wouldn't go any further. When I told her I wanted to talk about it a bit further, she got very defensive and claimed "I only like to watch regular porn(regular porn, what does that even mean?) , it's nothing, drop it"
Furthermore, I once woke up in bed next to her watching porn on her iPad (I didn't see what it was, specifically she turned it off quickly) I suggested we watch it together and have some fun, and she got very defensive, turned off the iPad and went to sleep.
I don't know exactly why it bothers me so much, I suppose it's because I feel like she's hiding something huge from me that she feels might push me away from her? | Girlfriend won't talk to me about her porn habits at all. Feel distanced by it and wish I could simply have a conversation about it. |
t3_2fwvbh | tifu | TIFU by being a dumbass drunk American abroad | Spring break 2010 - I'm studying abroad in Florence and go to Barcelona / Valenica for 10 days with my best friend. Pretty fucking awesome. Fast forward to an incredibly wasted night where my friend had already gone back to the hostel. I'm wandering the streets of Barcelona slowly making my way back to my hostel when I get approached by some girl (may or may not have been attractive) who proceeded to walk right up to me, grab my crotch and start saying sultry stuff. Mind you, I'm a wasted 20 year old who suddenly has validation that he's the hottest shit in all of Europe. Never did I question why it happened, I figured life was finally playing out the way it was supposed to. Within seconds another girl came up to me and started rubbing me while the first girl slid a hand down my pants (albeit over my boxers). I was the fucking man. Then one of them started saying sucky sucky and I finally realized that these were just cheap whores. Said realization resulted in me pushing away from them only to see my wallet fall to the ground. Suddenly, my Jew senses kicked in and I realized I was getting robbed. So I pick up my wallet, said fuck you and turned around to continue on my way. I then examine my wallet and notice that my 100euros are already gone and they took my shitty europhone. Fucking assholes. Luckily I had all of my ids and what not. Definitely the most expensive fake-handjob I've ever gotten in my life. | wasted stupid American spent 100+euros to have an unattractive street urchin almost give me a handjob. |
t3_3l8vqu | tifu | TIFU by telling my biased mom about Ahmed Mohamed. | So today I got the whole school talking about Ahmed, and came home satisfied of my accomplishments. I thought it would be OK to tell my parents about it.
As, we sat to eat dinner outside, I told my mom the story, about this poor boy who was arrested for stereotypical racism. My mother stops eating, looks into my eyes, and says the most unexpected answer to me.
"Good, that boy deserved it."
I stop eating, and now were looking straight into your own souls.
"What?", I questioned.
"This boy shouldn't bring in something that looks like a bomb, what if it blew up? The teacher did the right thing to call the police." she says...
I clench my fists under the table. I cannot believe what she said. I try to tell her it wasn't intentional, and that he was smart in electronics and technology, knew what he was doing and wanted to present it because he was so excited. Later to be turned down by fear of the teacher. EVEN, Irving wouldn't let him [Ahmed] explain his side of the story, or at least ignore it.
Nothing I said to my mom would change her mind, she agreed with the teachers action,and with the police side of the story.
Is this with some of your mothers? That they need to win the argument and want to make their children look stupid? And have that moment of "accomplishment?"
Great, my mom thinks that Ahmed did it intentionally. | Basically my mom thinks that Irving did the right thing, and Ahmed did it intentionally. That was not the answer I was expecting. |
t3_435h6v | weddingplanning | HELP: Bridesmaid Mix & Match Dresses and their bouquets | Hi wedditors--
I AM LOSING MY MIND.
I opted for mix and match bridesmaid dresses. [I first settled on this combination.] However, I am worried that I won't be able to get a bouquet that will look right.
The dresses are from rent the runway (I'm paying) and now I'm having worries about the gold dress and it fitting into my color scheme (roughly navy, white, pinks, etc). I'm thinking about switching it out for either of these two combinations:
* [Original Combination](
* [New Combination 1](
* [New Combination 2](
* [See all three together](
At this point, I'm even considering scrapping everything and going to Weddington Way where BMs can pick their own style and I'll pick color. However, this is the look that I wanted to avoid. | Having second thoughts about my mix and match dress choices, especially now that I'm looking at flowers. Wedding is Kate Spade-themed evening event in a garden at a historic site. Need opinions/advice/thoughts! |
t3_17qgc5 | BreakUps | M37, just split with the love of my life (F29) because I can't get her to drink less | We've had our problems, but I've never cared so much for a person. I don't want to be without her, but she's hurting my life. She drinks every day, and our only social activities are those that involve going to a bar. It's expensive, it's unhealthy, it's irresponsible, and it's time-consuming!
I want to get married and have kids, but if you can't stay sober for more than one day, how will you make it through pregnancy? And how will you raise a child?!
We argue a lot, and I can't help feeling that wouldn't happen if we ever had a chance to communicate when we're both sober. She accuses me of having a temper and "blowing up" when she tries to talk to me... but I'm so much easier to talk to when I'm not drinking, and I'm so much more understanding when I'm not being accused by a drunk. | She drinks too much. I love her, but I had to break it off because I couldn't get her to change. Is there any hope? Anything I can do in this situation? |
t3_3pl7ve | relationships | Me [23 M] with my GF [22 F] of 1 year, got into a huge fight about her past, how do I show her I'm over it and I am sorry. | Me and my gf of 1 year got into a fight about her past and I said some very hurtful things to her and it made her feel like a piece of shit. Basically i am very inexperienced and she is pretty experienced (sexually) and I kind of made her feel like crap for giving herself away to other people and not saving it for me. I am not perfect I slipped up. I knew what I was saying wasn't nice but I didn't know to what extent it affected her, and it was very very bad because we already had arguments like this. I am not a good boyfriend because what kind of boyfriend makes their one love feel bad and be reminded of there past?
I love her with all my heart, and the shitty thing is that she's been nothing but a sweet kind and caring girlfriend whom I love so much. What can I say or do to her to show her how sorry I am? | Said some very mean things to girlfriend about her past. What can I say or do to show her I am sorry. |
t3_2mad5g | relationships | Me [27M] with my Wife[28F] duration, After Baby Intimacy issues | Throwaway for this question which is much more personal than I'm usually willing to put on the internet, sorry for the wall of text, I started writing and kind've just kept going.
My wife and I had a baby about three months ago, and we're getting back to the point where we have some normalcy and routine in life, and want to start getting back to being intimate. While this is something we both want, when we're in the moment, my wife cannot let herself relax and enjoy it, to the point where things stop and everyone goes away frustrated, because she doesn't feel sexy. Our baby was almost ten pounds, and she does have some stretch marks and some loose skin on her stomach, which seems to be her main sticking point in this. I've tried everything I can think of as far as being supportive, including telling her how sexy I find her, slow build up with sexy messages through the day, waiting for the time that she wanted, but it all seems to come down to we both want to be intimate, but she just can't get into it. This same issue is eroding her self-image, where she says she's doesn't feel good about herself because of the specific issue of her stomach. She's working out most days at the gym, and we're eating healthier, but this isn't going to be a quick fix type thing, and when it comes down to it, it's really more about her self-image and confidence than anything. She knows her body won't be always exactly how she wants it to be but can't reconcile that to actually feel good about herself and let herself be intimate.
This is turning into an issue that's bleeding into other parts of our lives. We're both basically at a loss, and while we can talk about it together candidly, we can't seem to come up with anything to do other than wait, but we're both worried this could lead to a new "normal" for us because intimacy can be so hard to recapture sometimes. How can I be supportive, and more importantly what can we do to work through this situation and get back on the same page? | We had a baby, waited a while and now we want to have sex, but my wife can't get into it because she can't feel sexy. |
t3_e6mgy | relationships | Need advice for my first ever date. | Throwaway account.
I'm a 22y/o male who was until recently, very "forever alone". I was too unconfident and scared of rejection to ask a girl out, had mostly male friends... Basically typical reddit user stereotype.
Earlier this year, I made the decision to get off my ass and do something about being "forever alone". I slowly began talking to people I didn't know, developing social self-confidence and working on not giving a fuck about what other people thought of me, all with the goal of eventually getting a girl-friend, in line with some of the noob adice from r/seduction.
Recently it paid off. I started talking to a girl on the bus to work, and we hit it off, and talked for the entire trip. I ended up getting her number and as a friend on facebook. I asked her out via text and she agreed. We're getting drinks together later this week. She is near the same age as me, also early 20s if it matters.
The problem is that this will be the frist date I've ever been on in my life. I'm worried that I have no idea what to do, say and how to act. Please give any advice that you think will help. | Was antisocial loner, broke out of mold and asked girl on date. Never been on a date before and looking for advice, thanks. |
t3_330him | relationships | My [18F] boyfriend [M19] of almost two years just blindsided me with a breakup right before exams | Title pretty much says it all. I had no idea we were having problems, haven't seen him the past couple days cuz he's been stressing out so I've been telling him how much I miss him etc and he's been saying the same. He told me he loved me all week, saw each other briefly on Wed. and he was fine. Initiated sex with me on Monday. Today I text him saying goodnight and good luck on his exam tomorrow when he sends me a text saying he's been thinking and his mom said something that made him realize he's not happy ??? Our anniversary (2 years) is on the 27th, he was talking about how excited he is just a couple days ago, just bought the gif etc. This honestly came out of nowhere and I know he's stressed with exams and his mom may have spooked him or something but I am completely broken up. I went to see him right after he texted me, we both cried etc and I basically begged him to take a couple days to think etc and he finally agreed, but I have exams next week and I honestly can't think of anything but him. He's my best friend and we usually spend everyday together, talk all day etc and this came so out of the blue .. I hurt so much and I have no one to talk to but him. He told me he still loves me when I asked how he feels.. and that he just thought of this in the last couple days but I saw him Wednesday so this all happened yesterday I assume.
he also said that I am his best friend (which is true) and he doesn't want to lose me and want us to still be close. I asked him how we could do this because I don't know how to be with him without loving him like I do and he says he doesn't know.. I know the advice is usually no contact but I honestly don't think I can keep myself alive without talking to him | boyfriend broke up(??) with me right before exams, I think his mom said something and I don't know how to cope or try to get him back. |
t3_qjk70 | dating_advice | [18F] How do I go about dating other people...(more inside) | I went on a date with a great guy I met on OkCupid, we'll call him Jim. I really liked talking to him but meeting him really locked it down for me, and I realized "Hey, I really like this guy!" But because I'm not really sure how he feels about me, and I think he might still be dating other people, I don't want to sit around waiting like a weirdo for him to give me a sign as to whether or not he is feeling me the way I feel him.
I've been asked out by a couple of guys, for dinner, or just to hang out, and I just can't seem to get myself to want to, because i'd rather be around Jim. Jim and I have only been talking for about a month and have hung out about 3 times but after the initial dinner date, I've initiated contact/hanging out more than he. I'd love to see if he's really interested and if this will go anywhere, but I feel like I'm in a weird in-between moment of just waiting. | How do I get myself to slowly let go of the guy I really, really like and enjoy being around, so that I can comfortably go on dates with other guys? |
t3_3v1mt9 | relationships | Me [25/F] had an abortion with [28 M] and I don't know where we stand now | I (very) recently had an abortion with a guy that I knew for a little over a month. We never talked about what we were looking for or where we were heading.
But I am now even more confused as too where we stand (on top of being very emotional and hormonal after the abortion) Should I bring this up with him and if so, how? I do like him and would like to continue to see him but I have no idea how he feels about me.
He was supportive, he took me to the appointment, I stayed at his place for the weekend after etc. But even so, Im feeling extremely needy after the procedure and would like more attention from him, he takes a few hours to respond to texts, goes away on business etc. I also feel like this is more difficult on me having going through the physical and emotional part, while I know it was hard for him as well emotionally he still goes out with his friends and I feel like he can easily get over this faster. | Had an abortion with a guy I knew for a month, and I don't know where we stand now. How should I bring this up or should I even? |
t3_4f9dn6 | loseit | Positive self-talk and motivation. | I've always struggled with self image, body image, negative self talk, etc. I'm sure many of you have too. I've had two break-through positive self-talk moments in the past couple of weeks and I wanted to share, and see what you guys do to encourage yourselves, the type of motivation you use, etc.
So about 3 weeks ago I had to take my fitness test for wild land firefighting. We take it every year to make sure everyone is in shape, and it's always really difficult for me - 3 miles in 45 minutes with a 45 lb pack (>30% of my bodyweight), no running allowed. I'm really short with short legs so yeah, hard. I spent literally 45 minutes on the verge of giving up, breathing like I was giving childbirth (I assume), but pushing myself with literally every step. At one point I started talking out loud to myself, like "lets go Passerina, you can do it" "LETS FUCKING GO" and people probably thought I was crazy (I was on a public walking path) but it really worked, especially for that last minute!
Today I was mountain biking and, I'm really bad at it. But I'm trying to get better, and I make myself do it once a week so it becomes more fun and less struggle bus. I had some tough climbs and I kept having to stop, and finally decided to just slow down - lowest gears possible, super slow cadence, and just talking to myself like - "its not a race. It's practice." "You don't need to be better than anyone else, just better than you were yesterday." And I noticed that I'm having a much easier time getting started facing uphill, which I couldn't even do a month ago, so I'm congratulating myself on that. Anyways once I started doing that talking, I enjoyed myself so much more, I was more focused on the present rather than getting to the top of the hill. Talking out loud also slowed my pace down to where I wasn't going too fast or breathing too hard, burning myself out then having to stop. | I made it through tough physical and emotional barriers with positive self talk! How do you all motivate yourselves in a positive way? |
t3_2j3hhv | relationships | My (20M) friend (20F) sends things that make me a little uncomfortable. | My friend sends me rings, heart, and other emoji's of that sort and calls me bae. I never cared much but last week a reevaluated how I feel about her and now I'm just confused. She also calls me bae for some reason but tonight she went on Tinder and was annoyingly talking about her matches. I don't know why she would do that or the emoji thing, I don't think she likes me but typically I don't have a clue. Any advice, particularly from girls about whether or not they would do these kinds of things because they like someone or if she's just an odd one. | friend sends emojis that make me kind of uncomfortable and acts weird sometimes like none of my other female friends do. |
t3_ok6z4 | AskReddit | Help me, please? | okay, so basically my parents have gotten to the point of me not being able to tolerate them any longer. I don't have control over any aspect of my life. I have a curfew of 7 pm on weekends, 4 pm on school nights, no going to girls houses ever no matter what my intentions (friends that are female, friends that are male and have similarly aged siblings that tag along, girlfriend even if her parents are home), no having more than $5 dollars on me at any one time unless I'm in a shopping mall and they are present in the building, and the one thing that pisses me off more than anything; the fact that I'm 17 and I'm not allowed to stay up past 10. They literally take my ipod, phone (which i payed and still pay the bill for), and Ps3 and entire entertainment unit out of my room. If you're still reading, cats. | mum and stepdad are total cunts to me in way of thinking ill be growing up to be a fuck up just like pa, what do I do to escape their attitude and ways of thinking? |
t3_2uzsgt | offmychest | Entering a Long-distance thing with a friend. Let's do this! | Wow. You're amazing. I'd rather work through a long distance relationship with you and continue to get to know you on a personal level than go on dates with men who are in my city. You and I are only four hours away from each other so we can make this work. And honestly, the amount of in-depth communication you and I had over the last four days in person on top of the texts and talking over the last few weeks, is proof that you are into me for the right reasons and I'm so excited to get to know you more and more. Our families already know each other and you've met one of my friends in my city and it just feels so natural. Sure, we both believe it's too good to be true but maybe it's not. Maybe this is what it's supposed to be like. As for the reasons why it could get awkward, we are both mature adults and I think we have the support of many people and we'll just see what happens. It didn't work out with me and my ex but I hold no ill feelings toward him and it's time to move on and enjoy the amazing energy that both you and I bring to the table. I won't see you for 5 weeks but we can make this work, I have no doubt in my mind. I'm coming off all of the dating websites and essentially telling two guys I was dating that I'm interested in my good friend and we are going to see each other exclusively. Thank you for being awesome and such a kind, genuine, generous, sweet, lovely, fun, intelligent, hard-working, man. I am I shock you care for me the way you do but oh, so happy. Let's do this. | seeing a friend of mine who I've known for a few years and it's an interesting way that we met but he's amazing and I'm happy were going to try. It's long distance but I have faith. |
t3_nrd9x | AskReddit | Successful people of reddit: How did you motivate yourself/focus to accomplish long term goals? | Throwaway account. I have made some personal improvements in my life the past year. I lost a decent amount of weight, improved my social skills, etc. but all of these achievements were the result of anywhere from a few days to a few months of commitment. I still have a problem with working towards long term goals. I need to go back to school and finish my degree, work on my music, and make a concerted effort to get a better job. Instead, I occupy my down time with too much internet and TV in order to bide time until the next "big distraction".
Case in point, for the past couple months I've been looking forward to my week of holiday vacation and hanging out with friends who I haven't seen in a long time. That's all ended, and now I sit here depressed that they're headed back home, I'm going back to my job that has zero opportunity for advancement, and I have nothing to show for these past 2 months when I could have been earning credits or working on music production.
So successful people, what techniques helped you slowly but surely get to where you are today? | I need to stop living for the now, and focus on the future. Suggestions on how to do this would be appreciated. |
t3_2ndq23 | relationships | Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] two years, how to deal with different commitment levels. | I am a senior in college set to graduate in a month but she still has 2 years of school left. I am ready to start settling down and having a serious relationship and every time we have talked about this she has agreed. We have even talked about a time frame for getting engaged, and married. She wants to wait until she graduates to get married, which means getting engaged at the beginning of her senior year. I totally respect that idea and honestly it will end up saving us money in the long run which I am always for. However her actions aren't matching what she says.
Earlier this year I expressed that I wanted to start spending some holidays together and she can't seem to understand why I want to do that and ultimately told me flat out no we aren't going to spend thanksgiving together this year. I should also mention that we go to school in different cities an have a 2 hour drive in between us. We have tried to stick to seeing each other every other week this semester and it has worked out pretty well.
When she told me she didn't want to spend the holiday together I mentioned that I was concerned because we had talked about getting engaged in about six months but she wasn't committed enough to want to spend the holiday together and she said she had nothing to say other than maybe she wasn't as committed as I was to the relationship.
I love her so much but it's starting to really scare me because I feel like she isn't ready to totally devote herself to the relationship while I am ready to start my true adult life, aka not college life, and form a deeper relationship. Am i blowing this up to more than it is or should I truly be worried? | Girlfriend and I are at different commitment levels in the relationship, should I be worried or am I making this a bigger deal than it is? |
t3_1px61f | personalfinance | I now understand why people start hooking | I was living with my ex boyfriend up until about 6 months ago. He was cheating, we were on and off for two years, and he got really violent towards the end. I'm a young single mother, and I received my ex husbands tax return for all the back child support he owed. I used this to finally get out of the bad situation I was in. I got my own apartment with my son, and I had rent covered for a few months with what was left. I was only getting his child support payments. I was hoping to have a job before I ran through my savings. I just got my cna license and it took me a lot longer than expected to finally find a job. I do have one now (yay!) But I am negative $100 in my bank account and I just got a notice saying I have to pay $1000 by the 8th or the eviction process will be started. I don't qualify for a loan because my credit is horrible (thanks to my ex husband). My mom has been helping me out but she won't anymore because I haven't been able to pay anything back yet. I have no idea how I am going to keep my apartment. Any ideas are very much welcomed, I need to figure something out before I'm kicked out. Its really hard because I know if I could figure this month out, I'll be able to get on top of things from here on out. | I'm broke and need to figure out how to pay everything. If I didn't have self respect I would start hooking. That's only kind of a joke. |
t3_lpcwl | AskReddit | Reddit, does anybody ever think that /politics can be moderated better? | I was unsubscribed to politics because at first I didn't want to be angered by the bias that would run rampant in a particular subreddit. Well, I wasn't logged on one day, and you know the story. Posts were upvoted to the front page, leading me to the subreddit. To be frank, I was a little bit surprised about how biased it was.
Now, I'm not saying that I disagree with liberals, but rather I'm trying to convey that the subreddit RARELY ever provides both sides. It gives sensationalized posts that just gets people to grab their pitchforks. So, reddit, do you guys think this is a problem? Is there a way to solve this or is it better to just unsubscribe? | I feel that /politics is biased and may push people the wrong way without educating anybody with all the facts to let them form their own opinion. |
t3_109hyo | AskReddit | A question for the physicists re: the universe & life | I was watching this:
And around the 18-minute mark, it got to discussing the cosmological constant and the impossibly tight circumstances that allow us to arise and exist. As I understand it, it steps out of this problem by positing there are other universes, and we're just the one where life arises.
But isn't it just as feasible that under different rules of physics, some kind of pattern would emerge that eventually sifts itself into consciousness? I'm not talking about life made from crystals or energy or whathaveyou; just that if you're going to argue our very existence is a patterned detail of a fractal randomness, isn't it the case that some similar complexity would emerge in any dynamic universe, whatever its rules?
Yes, I know that if the fundamental rules were different, hydrogen couldn't form, etc. etc. but wouldn't something totally different occur, or would all the universe just be an inert pile of information?
Sorry, I didn't even take basic Newtonian physics, so I'm probably muddling the question. But basically it's the puddle argument: the puddle thinks the hole is perfectly shaped to fit its existence, not realizing that if the hole were deeper or shaped otherwise, a different puddle would exist there? It just seems to me like science is using an anthropomorphic argument similar to the religious ones the program begins by refuting. | Why do the conditions that lead to our existence seem so mathematically impossible when we know they exist? If they were different, wouldn't something different probably exist? |
t3_2xzwwg | relationship_advice | Need tips on how to ask shy housemate out without affecting our housemate relationship? | Hi everyone,
I [23/M] need tips on how to ask my shy housemate [24/F] out without affecting our housemate relationship?
She is incredibly shy and only opens up to a few people. She is a pure introvert and likes to stay at home all the time doing her own things. I have fallen for her and we are always happy spending time together.
Is there a way/trick/strategy/etc... to ask her out on a date or even just to see if she likes me back?
------------
Last weekend we went ice-skating together with a group of friends since there was a group discount. She also has not touched her personal ice-skating shoes in 2 years if that might be a reason for her to go with me. I flirted a little with her at the event but not sure if she knows. She also touched my arms and pointed out how veiny i was. Don't know if that was her way of flirting. Sorry, I just can't read shy girls so I need some help. I also don't want to make things awkward since i live with her. Our lease still has 3 more months left. | I think I am falling in love with my shy housemate but don't know how to find out if it is safe to ask her out without making things awkward. |
t3_xulg2 | relationships | Boyfriend wants to be a firefighter. I want to be supportive but I'm more worried than anything. | My boyfriend approached me about him wanting to join a local volunteer fire department.
We've been together about 10 months and am planning on marriage.
I love him and want to support him in his endeavors. I really do.
However... being a fireman really makes me worry. My boyfriend is the kind of man who will stop on the side of the road if here is an accident. He is a natural helper. He's a hero. That's honestly one of the things that I love so much about it.
I admit I'm being selfish. I worried about being up all night wondering when or IF he's coming home. I worried about being woken up in the middle of the night. I'm worried about eventually when we have children... what's going to happen.
When he initially approached me about it... his decision was pretty much already made about re-joining so I felt bad about telling him I wasn't really comfortable with it. Mainly because I'm concerned about his safety.
I'm also upset because I feel like he didn't factor me into this decision at all. I mean... we have a wedding date set, our childrens names pretty much picked out... shouldn't I have at least been a factor in this?
Or am I being crazy and do I need to get over myself and support my boyfriend?
Also... I will support him regardless. My question really is that am I allowed to be upset that I feel like I wasn't a factor in his decision? | Is it wrong of me to be upset because I feel like I wasn't a factor in my boyfriends decision to join the fire department? |
t3_2c8oud | relationships | I've [26 F] stopped singing after my boyfriend [27 M] laughed at me | This seems like a stupid problem but it's been bothering me for the last two months despite my attempts to work things out. My boyfriend of three years and I like singing aloud to songs together whenever we're in the car, and we're in the car together a lot. A couple months ago we were singing along to "Kick in the Teeth" and when I got to that line I accidentally sung "kick in the face" instead. He started laughing and I asked him why, thinking that maybe he made the same mistake as me. He tells me that, no, it was funny that I seemed so confident when I said the wrong word, and especially after all the times I've heard the song and the fact that it's the title.
The thing is, I've always been really self-conscious about singing because my parents would criticize my singing, and I've never had a good memory for songs and usually listen to the chorus before I start so I remember how it goes. I would've found it funny too if I had said a funnier word, but I don't find it funny that he was laughing at my confidence. I was also shocked because it seemed really out of the blue for him to make fun of me, he's never done it before or since. I told him all this and he finally said he understood why I didn't like it and wouldn't laugh at me again, but he'd still find it funny and would laugh if it happened to someone else. Ever since then, I haven't felt comfortable singing with him, and it makes me upset to hear him still singing along.
I want to feel comfortable singing out loud again and I don't know how. It was one of my favorite parts of our relationship. We've tried communicating about it and it hasn't gotten us anywhere. I don't know if I should just get over it on my own, but if so I don't know how. Or, if you would've been offended too, how else can I explain to him that it really wasn't funny? | Ever since my boyfriend laughed at how I confidently made a mistake while singing, I haven't felt comfortable doing one of my favorite activities. |
t3_xvw6t | AskReddit | Dear Reddit. What is one thing that pisses you off about your government? | Today I seen some lady use her EBT card for food which contained a shit load of unhealthy food, and she had a balance of almost $2000.00 left... Who in the hell needs $2000.00 for food a MONTH? That is more than I even make in a month and she gets that for food. So the government takes that money out of my check a month so she can feed her fat ass Doritos, and pop tarts, while I'm buying generic brand frosted flakes and struggling to pay off my school loans.
I just don't think it's right, I mean some people do need help, and not everyone abuses the system. But come on.. Who reallys needs $2000 a month to feed themselves.? My mom and dad raised 4 kids on a budget of probably less that $500 for food.
Also, I know it's not always the case, but come on, if you can't feed/afford your kids don't have any! I'm having a bad day and this pissed me off so I needed to vent. | Government in US gives crazy amount of money for food to people who don't work, but people who do, struggle and starve. Just isn't right. |
t3_27f4qm | relationships | Me [25/F] with my boyfriend [29M] together short of 2 years just broke up again. I feel like I can't... | I don't know what to do. I feel helpless and hopeless and scared. This wasn't supposed to end like this. When people promise things...Why don't they mean them? Why is it so easy for a guy to tell you that they want to be with you and then change suddenly? After the first break up for two months, he comes back to you and tells you he knows that he wants you. That he wants children with you and tells you what he wants to name them. Tells you that he is 100% sure with no doubt that he wants to marry you. Then after 6 months back together, he convinces you that he wants to move in with you.That this was the first step to "our future."
And then 4 months later he says "promises are broken all the time." That he changed his mind. I sacrificed my relationship with my family knowing that they didn't like him. Knowing that in moving out, I might lose them. He said he would be my support and my "family." I believed him.... But love makes you do stupid things. Looking into a guy's eyes and believing his words...his "no-doubt" tone. And then they fail you. "Relationships are hard work" and "love takes effort" and "It's too hard." You feel disposable...like an experiment gone wrong. He doesn't cry and he doesn't feel. He's like a child that doesn't want responsibility and got bored of his toy. You feel confused because two nights before he made love to you and and last night he told you he loved you. Hearing that he "might change his mind" and is "unsure" of whether this is the right decision makes everything worse...
What could I have done to make it better? Why do I feel unlovable? And not worth the "hassle?" | I broke up with my live-in bf and the above is a rant of sorts. I'm feeling a lot of pain, disappointment and I don't know how to deal with a relationship gone wrong again... |
t3_27thro | relationships | A late bloomer [30M] having first world problems with a fwb [23F] of 3 months | I [30M] met this exchange student [23F] 2-3 months ago. We became friends and soon turned it into some sort of intense casual dating / fwb thing. We were spending a lot of time together, almost like a couple. But she told me straight up that she doesn't want a relationship, because she's leaving to go back to her home country. I'm generally looking for more than just a fwb relationship so at points I felt I should have probably ended it. I also developed some feelings for her, I'm just not sure if they are just friendly or also romantic. But I was thinking it's going to end soon anyways naturally + she's only my second sex partner ever, so I didn't end it.
Then she left about a week ago. We've been in contact pretty much every day still (email, skype, etc). From the communications I got the vibe that she is actually interested in a relationship now. We made some plans that I would visit her for a few days and also later spend a couple of weeks of my summer holiday to travel with her.
Before I booked the plane tickets I asked her how she feels. She pretty much told me she definitely doesn't want to be my girlfriend but really likes me as a friend (or a fwb). Ok... Now I've been feeling bad about the whole thing, but I'm not sure if it's because I have feelings for her or is it just my ego that got hurt. Also I've been getting rejected a lot lately so that doesn't help.
I'm torn if I should just end the relationship, but on the other hand I don't want to miss the opportunity to have a travelling companion (which is super rare for me) and have some new great experiences abroad. But on the other hand I'm not sure if I'm partly shooting myself in the leg if I don't end the relationship. | A FWB doesn't want a relationship and I'm not sure if I should cancel some planned cool adventures with her. |
t3_2i3s2v | tifu | TIFU by not being able to pee in front of someone, and cost myself a career in the military | (Throwaway because I've never told anyone this)
This actually happened about a year but fuck it. Anyway got myself in extreme shape to go to special operations training in the US Air Force. I worked out like a mother fucker every day for about a year. When I was finally in the shape I needed to be at I took the PAST and dominated it. Everyone was seriously impressed and I was sent to MEPS to be processed into the military so I could take another PAST to actually go to the special ops training after basic.
Everything was going fine and dandy and I even had someone look up my butthole. Even that didn't bother me because I knew it was going to happen so I trimmed my butt, made sure I didn't have any dingleberries, and all that stuff. Well next is time for the drug test.
I follow this dude into the bathroom and he tells me to take a piss and fill the cup up. I was like dude no problem. Well I'm standing there and nothing is coming out. A few minutes passed (felt like lightyears) and finally this guy told me to think about sex because apparently that can help you pee. It didn't. They even let me come back and try it again later and nothing. I told them I'd pay for a hair test, anything and they didn't let me. What made matters worse was I had to wait like 9 fucking hours for everyone else to finish because I got a ride with them and didn't drive myself. | I could do naked calisthenics, have someone look up my buttonhole, but I can't pee with someone watching me so I couldn't join the military. |
t3_43ygtz | relationship_advice | [30/M] I'm worried I will end up cheating | -I [30/m] am currently in a serious and very happy relationship with a female who is about my age. We are not yet engaged but actively and openly talking about engagement and our future together. I love her and hope to be her husband one day.
-*but* I have a past, as many of us do. I was hurt by a girl in the past and throughout my twenties I used my charisma and looks to get back at her through all the other girls in the world. I fancied myself a playboy and bedded quite a few women. I've since realized how stupid that is BUT I still have a lot of tendencies from that time.
-My struggle now is that I find myself acting in this way without thinking. The event which triggered this post just happened an hour ago. I was staying late to help a relatively new co-worker [27/F] finish a project at work. She and I are friendly and I've definitely noticed her checking me out. I admit, I haven't let her know I have a girlfriend yet. Also, I was a bit buzzed as I was already working late and had 2-3 glasses of whiskey (acceptable in my office after about 9pm and she had a glass as well).
-Long story short, I offered to drive her home since it was late, ended up in her apartment for a nightcap and was on her sofa with her right up next to me. I could sense the tension in the air and thankfully I had a moment of clarity and realized I was about the sacrifice a future with the woman of my dreams for a night with a co-worker. BUT what scares me is that all the little steps that brought me to that sofa felt a bit like auto-pilot because I've done these exact 'moves' with dozens of girls before. | I used to be a womanizing d-bag. I love my girlfriend but I find myself automatically flirting with anything with breasts. |
t3_1m0f4c | relationship_advice | I love her so much... but I'm unsure if I'm still IN love with her. Help? | Me: 26F, Gf: 27F, Relationship: 1.5 years
On paper, she's the perfect match for me. She's sweet, kind, giving, sooo thoughtful, funny, loyal, dedicated, honest, trustworthy. I trust her with everything and I can always count on her to be there for me.
Near the beginning of our relationship, I kind of spiraled out of control due to other reasons in life and I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It was really hard on me, on us, but she stayed with me and ensured that I got the help that I needed. I've been seeing a psychiatrist and therapist and I have become SOOOO much better. I really owe it to her. She was supportive the entire time, even when it got really hard and always believed in me. She gave me the courage I needed.
So I'm really grateful for her for so many reasons. She's always been there for me in such a loving way.
But I'm starting to realize that I don't think I'm IN love with her anymore. I love her very much, admire her and respect her ... but... I don't think I'm in love with her. Lately, I find myself thinking that I don't want to be in a relationship with her.
I don't know why. She's great. I don't really have many complaints, they're small. And she loves me SO MUCH. She truly, deeply does ... so I feel bad. I want to give her what she deserves - she deserves so much - but I just .... I feel like I can't. I don't know why. Is this maybe a temporary thing? I've been feeling it for a couple weeks now. Maybe it's just temporary. I don't know.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Does the feeling go away or does it tend to be truth? | I'm in a relationship with someone great and I love her very, very much .... but I don't think I'm IN love with her anymore and I don't know why. |
t3_3bsowu | relationship_advice | Im [17M] very insecure of asking her [16F] out(Parents and School pressure of getting a gf) | But first, let me talk about myslef for a bit. Till 15 i had been kinda of a social outcast. Stayed in home and played videogames online with my friends.Got bullied in school and etc. So, my mom formed this image of me and has always pressured me (imagine, my sis has a bf and all of my cousins are with a girl right now). Since this, i have been trying to change myself (being more social, meeting people, going out, being more secure of myslef). My mom still has this image of me though and i think it won't change till i arrive home with a female.
So, i have been coursing English with this new girl for ab out 3 months now. We go to the same High School but she is 1 year lower. Becuase of this we often talk in class. We both are going to study Enginering so we kinda have the same interests.
By now you are thinking: Man, why haven't you asked her out yet? Well, because everytime i think of it the social pressure comes to me. Is kind of awkard having a gf in a lower high school course. Im afraid if we enter in a relationship everyone will mock us. Yes, i know guys i have insecurity problems.
And also im not sure if i like her or im just to desperate to get a gf. I have never been in a relationship and don't knwo what it feels like | Very insecure of asking her out. Maybe im too desperate to get a gf. Maybe its my parents pressure that is pushing me. Im afraid of how to realtionship is going to be taken in our school. Im confused |
t3_20rflo | relationships | I[19M] might have created a misunderstanding with a girl[19F] I like. | I've been having issue with a girl that I like, last week I had to deal with a friend being sad because they lost a beloved family member. It meant multiple calls at nigh and sometimes midnight trains to their place to help them feel better. Needless to say I was stressed, other than that I've been talking to this really nice girl. We seemed to get along well, so I asked her on a date for Saturday. She said she was free so we agreed to that day, fast forward to about Friday, I asked her if she was still up for Saturday. She said she couldn't because something came up due to school.
That's cool, I mean things happen and it's no ones fault. Just reschedule and leave it at that. That's how I thought I was coming off but I guess it wasn't mutual. To be honest it felt like she wasn't meeting me halfway when try to reschedule and I expressed that. I said that if she honestly just didn't want to go out with me that I would have appreciated the honesty. Now this lead to a bit of a misunderstanding where she thought I was implying that she wasn't being entirely honest with me. I didn't really notice that I had done that until after she mentioned it.
It's just that my mind had been really preoccupied and honestly I was looking forward to a nice day out after such a shitty week so maybe i felt a little more upset than usual. I of course apologized and explained that I hadn't been myself for a couple days due to this unforeseen circumstance. I think she's mad, she hasn't really texted me back since Friday, I got some advice form a friend of mine (who is a girl) that maybe she was waiting for me to make the first move in contact so i texted hi a day ago but so far it's been nothin.
I just don't really know what to do at this point. I feel as if the only thing I can do now is just wait it out and she if she texts back. But that makes me feel so powerless, I've always been one to take charge in situations and this waiting period is just adding onto stress that i already had. | Been Stressed due to a friends grief, was upset a girl cancelled plans for out date. Now she's mad. |
t3_24ii9k | relationships | Me (22F) and ex (22M) together 3.5 years. Apart 6 months, we exchanged hurtful words to each other and now my confidence is shaken. | So I had a conversation about a week ago with my ex (22M) and since then I can't get his words out of my head.
Basically we were just talking about what we had been up too and he starts talking about his FWB. This really pissed me off and got me hot headed since I know her and was always aware that she liked him. So i naturally start being hurtful and saying mean things about her.
In response he starts being mean to me. He basically insults everything he can about me. Without going into too much details he insults my body, personality, intelligence, telling me how his FWB is sexually better. And then ends with how I will find some "lucky" guy who's perfect for me. With extreme sarcasm in his voice.
Idk why but all these things have been eating away at me since then. He was someone I trusted and shared a lot of things with that I don't tell anyone. I really felt like he was someone that knew me better then I knew myself. I know I shouldn't let his words get to me, but I guess its just easy for someone you care about to do this to you.
I feel like my whole confidence is shaken. | got into a disagreement with ex which led to him saying everything he could and knew would shake my confidence and make me feel like shit. |
t3_30ec9v | relationships | I know a dirty little secret. What do I do? My Close Family Member[30'sF] is cheating on her husband [30'sM]. | I don't want to reveal myself. too many family redditors. details have been changed.
They have been married over 5 years and there are kid(s).
My close family member (not my blood side of the family) accidentally revealed to me on Saturday that after a decade not seeing him, she is meeting her EX this week.
I thought it might be a harmless catching up on old times type thing, she asked me not to tell and I promised her I would not tell anyone so as not to stir up trouble. We've always been friends. Or so I thought. I did this on the condition she keeps me informed of what she's doing for her own safety and such. My gut tells me the worst now. The day came, the day went, and I never heard from her. I have no idea what went down, I just know she met him. WTF. I'm very upset about this. Shes ignoring / avoiding me now when I asked to talk to her. I think some family friends are in on this too, possibly even her parents!. Fuck. WTF. Worst part is, I think she's continuing to see him between then and now based on things I've perceived to be odd. So much for a one time thing. I'm not sure what to feel really. Upset is where it starts I guess. I know hes leaving town soon. No telling what happens after that.
So, I need your help reddit. I'm faced with some choices. I don't know whats right and this is tearing me apart...
- Expose her, and probably break the entire family apart including friends and be hated in the process. Especially on the off chance I'm proven wrong through corroborating stories and such.
- Say nothing, and live with the guilt of knowing this dirty little secret after being betrayed with it and watching the signs escalate. Do I Let it go even though its driving me nuts and hope things fix themselves magically?
What would you do and why? | I know a dirty little secret. What do I do? My Close Family Member[30'sF] is cheating on her husband [30'sM]. |
t3_4oyfo2 | loseit | Hitting the wall. | Hey everyone,
So since May of 2015 I've been on a weight loss journey, going from 275 lbs to 187. It's been one of the most difficult and also most rewarding and satisfying years of my entire life. My goal weight changed a lot. I wanted to get down to 225, then under 200, and then I decided I wanted to lose 100 lbs, mostly because I liked the sound of it. However, I've hit a wall. over the past month my weight loss has slowed significantly. I've been going about CICO long enough to know that its obviously my fault, but the desire to continue eating below maintenance is wavering. I look at myself in the mirror and while I'm still not satisfied with what I see, I can finally see just how much progress I've made. My family and friends have been extremely supportive and the compliments about how I look now are both gratifying and a little disheartening. I still feel so far from where I want to be. I never imagined I could make it this far, and yet here I am now. I just feel burnt out, not from fitness and living a healthy lifestyle, just eating at a deficit. It's just hard, I set a goal and to stop now would feel like I'd be failing. I realize it's kind of ridiculous, I've accomplished a lot over this past year and have a lot to be proud of, but it still feels that way. I want to lift heavy and eat at maintenance and work on reshaping my body but its scary. Anyways, sorry for this long rant, but that's one of the reasons why I love this sub. /r/loseit has been such a great resource to me. I know I can come here and vent to you all, because you understand when my friends and family just don't. | What did you do when you felt like you hit a wall nearing the end of your weight loss? What was your mindset when you switched to maintenance? Did anyone else stop short of what their initial goal was? |
t3_3fq80p | relationships | I [18M] want to take it a step further with my friend [18F] | My first time posting, so don't be hard on me
I met this girl about a month ago and I really liked her, which is very strange for me. I find most people (including both genders) of my age very uninteresting. We started hanging out about once a week and she brought some friends. I'm a shy guy and I know I don't talk much but eventually I started talking more myself, although still finding it hard to contribute to conversations sometimes. One of these times I hung out with her alone and really liked it although I think she was intimidated by some awkward silences which I actually don't mind, in fact I find funny
We have probably talked more online than irl. Online she is super nice (probably the nicest person I've ever talked to) and I would say enthusiastic. Before I really realised to what extent I like her, I did tell her in chat that I like her and wanted to hang out more to which I got a good response
There are some things that make me convinced that she too has a greater interest in me, something about her awkwardness around me is very telling and just some specific events. However, the fact that she is busy during the summer means that we only see once a week, which is also very telling to me that she doesn't want to hang out too much. I also know for a fact that she could organise to meet up earlier sometimes but she just chooses a later date.
I know that I need to tell her, and I am committed to being honest either way but I'm not really sure how to do this. I want to make it clear that I'd still like to be friends if she doesn't because up until now I've still enjoyed the company a lot and these are the kinds of people I just don't come across often. Most people of my age want to impress their peers/obsess about things that they like because they have identity issues/try to fit in with everyone else I just find it revolting. | I have a friend with whom I'd like to be more than friends (although we've seen so few times I can't say that I love her). I know that I need to let her know but I don't know how |
t3_2l3j0n | tifu | TIFU waiting to tell my crush i liked her | Throwaway because i have friends who Reddit and wanna keep this to myself
So basically this wasn't today it was Halloween night and im at a friends house with a group of friends and one of those friends ive had a crush on for around a year.
This girl has been my best friend for over two years and i haven't told her my feelings because i wouldn't want to ruin the friendship. Anyway,after a couple hours of scary movies I start talking to her one on one and this conversation goes on for around an hour of just talking and laughing and whatever else goes with it. She starts talking about how the only person who shes ever known has liked her was a really nerdy creepy guy and how she has huge insecurities. I try to cheer her up by telling her that everyone has insecurities and that the girl I like has no idea how i feel for her. She starts to give me advice and tells me that i should tell her, even if i lose her friendship because i miss every shot i dont take or something like that. I tell her that i will tell the girl how i feel tonight and she says that texting her isnt the best way then say "its you." Prepared for a soft let down she responds almost immediately with "I feel the same way". "what?" I say. "I like you too." she says. Turns our she has liked me for a long time and was in the same situation as me. That twenty seconds of happiness was soon crushed when she told me that she was leaving to a different state after thanksgiving break. Now the girl of my dreams who i could have been with a long time ago is leaving because i waited and didn't grow a pair. Fuck me. | Waited a year to finally tell my crush i liked her, she felt the same way but tells me she is moving really soon |
t3_h46bw | books | Best books to read after a personal loss? | Hey, bookit. My best friend just suffered a miscarriage. She was four months into the pregnancy and is obviously pretty devastated. We live 9 hours apart, and I'm not able to go visit her, so I want to send her a care package, to help her grieve and feel better.
She loves to read; it is a common bond we share. We often read the same book at the same time so we can discuss it together. Among other things, I want to send her a book or two, along with a gift card and other suggestions. Generally we both enjoy modern classics with heavier themes (favourites include Blindness and The Road, along with authors like Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Margaret Atwood.) These books obviously might not be so great right now. We also enjoy YA novels and things some people might consider "summer reads." We both love Harry Potter, the His Dark Materials trilogy, we read Twilight together (no laughing!) and also The Hunger Games.
I'm hoping to find something that is either heart-warming and life-assuring (i.e: The Guernsey Literary and Potatoe Peel Pie Society) or light and easy to get into, like a mystery series or a YA series. | Best friend had a miscarriage. Please recommend books that are either happy or light and easy to get into. Anything that we can enjoy together and will help her to take her mind off of the loss. |
t3_3iyfij | relationships | I'm [23 M] seeing a girl [19 F] and it's going to be her first time. Can I get some advice on how to handle it and make it a good experience for her? | We've been dating about a month and a half. Things are going really well and it's apparent we both like each other.
I spent the night at hers and things got going. She seemed incredibly nervous and I asked if it was her first time. It was. I slowly stopped things and told her to go on her holiday that she had planned with her family and decide if she wanted me to be her first guy. I think she appreciated the lack of pressure I put on her?
Anyway, she later told me me that she would like things to get physical with me when she returns from her trip. That's great, right?
The thing is, I've never taken a girl's virginity. How do I make it a good experience for her? I'm actually worried about hurting her if I'm honest. She felt quite tight when I was exploring with my fingers.
Is it worth me purchasing some lubrication or will we be okay without it? Any other tips from girls about how I can make it pleasant and comfortable for her? | Got pretty close with a girl. She wants me to take her virginity. How do I make it a good and pleasant experience for her? |
t3_2jpacs | relationships | How to ask my [22F] FWB [28M] to not have sex with other people. | Okay, so I know the answer is ultimately to "just tell him," but I was hoping other people would guide me on how to handle the situation.
FWB is the best way to describe the situation, but I don't think it's really accurate. We found each other online, and after some talking, we basically met up with the intention of having sex. Fun was had for a few months until I went back to school.
We've been texting ever since and I can't get a good read on how he feels about me. I honestly hate relying on texting as communication, but it's the only option. Maybe I'm naive, but why would he keep texting me if I'm so far away and he can just hook up with other girls?
I know he has since hooked up with other people, and technically that's fine since we aren't in a relationship. But on the inside it absolutely crushes me because I am a monogamous person by nature. I'm very aware he's not my boyfriend, but I personally don't want to have sex with other people. If it's important, I do think I like him, but it doesn't mean I want him to be my boyfriend... which I don't.
I at least know he wants to have sex with me, and we are going to meet up in a couple weeks when I visit home. Then I'll be home for Thanksgiving, and then again for winter break. My question is, is there a casual way to ask him to not sleep with other people for the next couple months? If he says no, that would be perfectly fine (although it would take me some time to get over), and I would break it off. I just want to ask in a way that doesn't make me seem clingy. Do I ask before sex? After? Right before I leave? Or earlier so he has time to think about it and respond?
Or, do I just leave it alone altogether and see how things go? Although I'm not really sure I'm capable of doing that. | FWB is hard to read. How do I ask him not to fuck other girls even though I don't want him to be my boyfriend? |
t3_376m5z | relationships | Me [16 M] with my friend/crush [16 F] Any advice on the whole hand holding business? Funny stories or things I should know? | Is there any advice you can give me in terms of hand holding. Sounds really pathetic but probably hard to know when its suitable or when it is not.
Anything that is helpful such as when she wants you to hold your hand, will she want to hold hands on a first date, any ways in which you can initiate holding hands so its subtle and any signs she doesn't want to hold hands.
I know it is not kissing, but at least it will make the mode more romantic...
Also, any funny stories that happened to you while you were holding hands or tried to? | Any advice on holding hands? How to initiate holding hands? Signs she wants to/doesnt want to hold hands? etc. |
t3_1blula | jobs | I've been posting here for advice frequently, but I finally got a job interview for tomorrow as well as a call back for another resume submission in an entirely different field. Can I get some point of views? | Sorry for the long title and frequent posts. I really like to hear what people have to say about their views, especially when it comes to being employed. This post is my way of planning ahead for possible events.
So, I'm pretty excited right now. I'm a student, and I've been job hunting for several months, and my old seasonal employer decided suddenly to replace me, so I've been under a bit of pressure to find something. I have an interview for customer service position, probably front desk, at a hotel in a sort of tourist town outside of my own home town. I've never worked in a hotel, but I've been a hostess before. Is there anything I should expect in that position if they did decide to hire me?
Also, I got positive feedback and a "We'll see you on Friday" thing from a warehouse for a summer temporary position. I'm a girl, and they know that, and I'm also aware of the work environment in warehouses, but they wanted to do some more face to face stuff and have further explanation about the position at a college job fair that my school is hosting this week. Working there may be a possibility, but my concern is about accepting a job offer, or getting multiple offers.
**What should I do if I get multiple job offers?**
Should I ask if I can think about it for a day or two and then get back to them?
Or if I'm waiting for a call from one company, say, the one that is a non-temporary position, and the temporary position calls first?
I'm very excited, but I'm stressing out and want to plan ahead. | Finally got some response from a company for an unofficial interview this Friday and an official interview tomorrow from another company. What should I do in the event I get two job offers? |
t3_3i6pbt | relationships | My wife [32 F] wants to have a child, I [31 M] don't | I'm 31 year old man and I'm having a trouble in my marriage. My wife ( she's 32) wants a child, I don't. We are married for 5 years.
We discussed this subject many times before our marriage. I told her I never want to have children and asked whether she's ok with it. She was like – yes, it's perfectly fine. So I don't really understand her problem now.
In the last time all she talks about is how wonderful it would be if we would be three and that we should have a baby. I understand that she could have changed her mind, but I have not. She knows very well that I hate children and that I don't plan being a parent ever. I offered her to get a divorce so she can marry some other man who wants children. She refused, she says she loves me and I'm the only man whose child she wants to have.
A few days ago I accidentally overheard my wife talking to her friend, who was giving her advices about our situation. Her friend said that my wife just has to get pregnant and I'll love the baby. There was also something about damaging a condom and coming off the pill without telling me.
I would be very angry if she did something of it, so I guess it's good I overheard it, because now I don't know whether it's safe to have sex with her. She thinks that I just don't want to have a child with her. I love this woman, but I don't want to have children. Not with her, not with any other woman. I know I'd rather live without her than have child. | Actually I'm kind of upset about it. Why did she marry me while she knew our desires are not the same? What should I do? |
t3_2ckd8c | relationships | How can I[26/F] get my boyfriend[29/M] interested in sex with me again? | My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 months and now we haven't had sex in 2 weeks. We were online friends for about a year, and 2 months ago we finally met. In the beginning everything was great but I should have realized how weird it was that we've only had less than 6-7 sex in almost 2 months.
I care about him much and I try my best to be a good girlfriend. I have done and i still do everything I can to make him happy.
He also has a really close female friend who he texts to every day on the phone for hours. He cares about her very much and he thinks she's very pretty.
I'm really confused. I've never experience this kind of unwanted. Honestly, I think i'm pretty enough and it's always not hard for me to get a guy to like me. But now It seems like to me, he was not even interested in having sex with me at the first day we met (We had sex only 2-3 times in probably the first 2 weeks.). He didn't even seem like he enjoyed it when I give him oral sex few weeks ago.
Now even though he kisses me everyday but he's not trying to have sex with me... I feel unwanted and sexually frustrated by him. It makes me insecure every time he says how pretty other girls are. I am embarrassed of it and am afraid to touch him because I don't feel like he likes my body.
I don't know how to bring up the question and to get him interested in sex with me... | My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 months. He's not interested in sex with me...How can I do to make him want me? |
t3_4lmzw3 | relationships | Ex with depression [24F] wants to try dating me [24M] again after 2 months of being alone/away. Anyone deal with a depressed SO before? | My ex broke up with me because of her clinical depression. The whole time I was trying to help her, even after we broke up. At first she said she needed to be alone, then she started blaming me a bit for it, at which point I went no contact because it was hurtful. After almost 2 weeks of that I had to unblock and msg her to get her stuff at my apartment. Well, she gave me a huge spiel about how it wasn't my fault and she was sorry. She talked about how much it was hurting her too and she didn't even know why she did it, just she needed to be alone. She was in a very dark place when we broke up.
It made me feel better so we talked some more. She can't return to the city for at least another month for reasons outside her control. But she told me she was "very willing" and wanted to work at having a good relationship again when she gets back. So that makes it ~2 months of us being broken up before we try dating again.
I believe her when she says it's only the depression causing it and she still has feelings for me. She told me she didn't want to see/sleep with anyone, and this time is just to fix herself and be with family. I've read a lot on this topic so I understand she doesn't want the added pressure of a relationship when healing but I don't know what to do. I'm scared if it gets worse, or even if it just isn't as healed as she likes, she won't be willing to date anymore when the time comes.
Has anyone helped their SO through their depression? | Ex broke up with me to work on her depression, now she wants to try dating again in a month's time when we're both in the same city. I don't know what to do for that month. |
t3_3dtcxk | relationships | My [18 F] girlfriend doesn't think I [19M] want her anymore. | Well we've been dating for over a year now and there has been some problems with out relationship for the last two months. My girlfriend is concerned that I don't want her or want to be in the relationship.
She's wrong. I do want her, she's really the only one I want. I've tried explaining it to her we've had many many hours of conversations about this and I've told her that I just haven't showed it as much as I used to, but to no avail. She doesn't believe it, which is really frustrating because it's the truth.
She believes that I don't want to be intimate with her anymore it used to be when we saw each other we would have sex ~4 times. Now to me it seems it's about 2-4. I asked her about this and she was absolutely positive it was maybe once. Which I know for a fact is incorrect (I have condoms and I keep track) she's delusional about that.
I'm used to making grand gestures or doing something that takes more time to do but what she actually told me what the problem is, is the fact that I don't do the little things that show her every day that I want her. I don't act as interested in her as I used to be.
Anyways what are some ways I can show her that I'm still attracted to her and I want her. | my girlfriend needs to know that I want her just as much as I always did, and I don't know how to show It. |
t3_1hrapv | relationships | I've [20M] cheated on my gf [20F] of 3 years numerous times. Please help | As in the title, I am the cheater. I have cheated on my girlfriend on numerous occasions, making out with others or sleeping with them. She's discovered my past cheating and has been willing to look past it, but just as of last night I cheated on her with my best friend..
The complete feeling of guilt is haunting me, and I know it'd break her heart, but I just don't know how to approach her about everything.
We've been in a relationship for over 3 years, November will mark our 4th. I'm very disappointed in myself, but I don't know what to say, what to do, how to approach her. I've always been so frivolous and she's always been loyal. I feel terrible, but it was my choice of actions to do such things, sober or not. I'm a complete asshole, but I feel like I should be staying away from relationships at the moment. I'm 20 and I want to explore, live freely and have a care-free kind of life. I don't expect my girlfriend to look past this at all, and I know she may be furious with me. I think I've really done it this time, and I'm looking to end it. This hurts bad. I just really need some sort of advice. | Cheated on gf of 3 years many times. I feel guilty and I don't know how to approach her. I'm looking to end it to save her from myself. Where do I start |
t3_2cr38s | relationships | Me [17 M] with my girlfriend [17 F] of 2 months was sexually abused by her ex before we dated and doesn't want to even kiss or hug me. | When I started dating her, she was pretty cool and she still is. Then, one day she told me she didn't want to make out and do dirty things because "that's all me and my ex did, and we wouldn't talk at all." I thought that would be ok and maybe she would want to later.
Then, today (about a month later from when she told me she didn't want to make out) she told me that her ex abused her. She said he tried to take off her clothes and make out her and touch her. She said he gave her bruises and she had terrible anxiety around him. She kept on talking about him for an hour. I felt bad because I didn't know how to help her.
She explained to me why that's the reason she didn't want to make out.
Then, about 30 minutes after she left my house, she apologized over text that she talked about him too much. Also, she said that she gets scared when we kiss and hug and she doesn't want to.
i don't know what to do, I really like her, but as a 17 year old guy I need to have some contact. She's my first real girlfriend so I want to know how to make-out before I move on to college. I know that sounds selfish but, that's how I honestly feel
Also, she's only told me and her aunt. She doesn't want to tell her parents because then her ex could get in trouble and her parent could make her break up with me. I think that she should tell someone about this and get help because she has bad anxiety when people touch her, but she won't. | Girlfriend was sexually abused and doesn't want to kiss or even hug. I didn't know that at the beginning off the relationship. What should I do. |
t3_2zuttx | offmychest | I'm going to cut contact with my extended family. | I found them myself when I was 13, now 4 years ago, through facebook. They're all from my fathers side.
I never had contact with them up until I was 13 because my father vehemently dislikes his parents and my mothers contact with them had faded out over the years. I never had grandparents or cousins my own age growing up, and I also had a very tumultuous childhood that wasn't always happy. Not having grandparents had always, and still does, left me feeling like something was missing.
So I made that contact after spending hours searching for relatives through facebook, and I made that first meeting happen. It was everything I wanted; my grandparents doted on me, so did all these new aunts and uncles and extended family members. There was one issue of an Aunt who was in a different country sending terrible emails to my mother about how my father was disgusting and shameful for running away from the abuse he endured as a child. I never knew about that until recently.
But now they just avoid meeting me again. I really, -really- want to have grandparents as I never had them growing up. I want to meet all the family members I didn't see last time, see more pictures of my father as a kid. But my granddad ignored my message about travelling to see them, as did my aunts.
I really made the effort as just a 13 year old to try and see them and build up a relationship but they don't care, and now seeing their names on social media just hurts me. I feel they they don't care they have a granddaughter, niece and cousin out there who really missed out on them for most of her life. They've made no effort. | all my effort and love for a family I never had as a child is one-sided and I want to forget about them. |
t3_46ge7j | relationships | Me [26 M] with my GF [25 F], I know I have to break up with my GF... | So I have been dating this girl recently (since Jan.) but we've been hooking up since october. A little backstory here, I was reluctant to start and actual relationship because I had just gotten out of and was still recovering from a past relationship that obviously went south in a very bad way. That being said we spend all of our time together, free time, weeknights, weekends, like all the time. I really enjoy her as a person but I slowly am starting to realize that the level of commitment and how much she is into it and how into I am are two completely separate things. She keeps dropping hints that she wants to talk about us. Which basically translates into her wanting to know if I am as emotionally invested as she is. Which sadly in the romantic sense of the whole thing, I am nowhere near her commitment level. She is going away this weekend and wants to have "the convo" before she leaves. I think the shittiest part of this is that for the first time in my life I am starting to see the difference between a love interest, and someone who I would rather have just be a friend. This is gonna hurt/break her but I know in my heart of hearts that I need to come clean about my feelings for her sake as well as mine, and it just sucks because like I said this is the first relationship I want to preserve as a friendship but I doubt that it will end up that way. Thanks for reading, I'm glad this place exists. | Me and my GF are not on the same page romantically speaking, I'm more into the friendship than the relationship, and I have to end it for the sake of both of us. |
t3_oak3x | AskReddit | Reddit- What is the guiltiest fap you have ever had? [NSFW] | In other words, what Fap made you feel the guiltiest/awkwardest after wards?
I'll start, one time I was on vacation in California and I hadn't fapped in over 3 1/2 weeks. My mind was filled by all these weird desires. My hotel was on the 14th floor of the building and the rooms next to me were empty. So yes, I fapped on the balcony. About midway through I got this weird idea to finish through the railing and have it rain jizz on the ground below (don't ask why). So I did and it was a huge load. Little did I know that my room sat above a sidewalk. After finishing and cleaning up I got the munchies and decide to head down to the lobby to get a snack, and at the front desk there is a 20 something couple who were talking about how this bird to a massive dump on their heads and that they wanted to get the their room to clean up. I had the biggest "Oh fuck" moment of my life. I still feel bad about it to this day. | I unknowingly came on the heads of a 20 something year old couple from my hotel balcony. All because I was being stupid while fapping. |
t3_3vdna1 | tifu | TIFU by stealing my winter formal date's phone and telling someone else they liked them | So I was hanging out with my winter formal date (we'll call her jan), not doing much. At one point she left for a while and her phone was still sitting there, so being a bored and goofy guy, I text her mom "Hi it's (my name)! how was your day?" and also texted our mutual close friend (lets call him john) "I think I like you."
I thought to myself "this should be some good harmless fun" as I deleted the text and though of how long I should wait before telling him.
Jan comes back and we keep hanging out and I notice her texting with a concerned look on her face. "better clue Jon in so nothing bad happens" I think to myself. I text him "hey, I sent the text from Jan then deleted it. it was just a joke, I'm sorry, don't tell her" to which he responded "sorry buddy, im telling her.
So apparently i opened a hell of a can of worms, and now both my date/ prospective girlfriend and one of my best friends are pissed at me because i pulled a stupid prank | i texted my guy friend from my gal friends phone saying she liked him as a benevolent joke and now they hate me. |