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t3_2a2yfx | relationships | My [29 M] short-term temporary roommate [31F] is pooping on my kitchen spoon. | To first clarify, I have 2 other roommates [28M] & [33M]. A couple weeks ago, all 3 of us agreed to allow [33M]'s friend [31F](not GF) stay with us while he went on vacation to Italy. Apparently [31F] is having some problems with her living situation so we agreed to let her stay with us until either he gets back from vacation or she finds a new place.
She seems to be a very nice, pretty girl and is respectful for the most part.
She moved into our house last Friday and all seemed ok except she seemed to be a bit depressed. I didn't think anything of it because she is going through a lot with her previous living situation and because she is not from the U.S. and is still trying to get her work Visa.
In any case, this morning my other roommate [28M] discovered in the top of the bathroom garbage there was one of our kitchen metal spoons in there with what looked like peanut butter on it. To his disbelief he looked into it a little further and discovered it was actually poop! We have no idea what to make of this. Why she would do this, or if she did do this why she wouldn't at least try to hide it better like throw the garbage out!
Now, we have no idea what to do. She is a very sweet girl and kind of don't want to embarrass her or even know how to approach her about this.
She is only staying with us for another 7 days. We talked to our other roommate who is currently in Italy and he said he wanted to kick her out, but that is a lot easier for him since we are the ones who have to see her face to face. | Found a shit covered spoon in my bathroom garbage. I believe it's from my temporary roommate who moves out in a week. Not sure if/how to confront her. |
t3_1p3gqh | relationships | Me [17 M] with my 17 [F] and other 17 [F], two months, caught between two girls | A little backstory: I was a relatively fat kid not too long ago (17 M). I worked out, ate right, and lost about 40 pounds. This made me feel awesome and helped my confidence skyrocket (I never had a girlfriend before/kiss).
About 10 pounds into my weight loss I asked this girl, lets call her Grace, out who I had a massive crush on. Im talking borderline obsession.
She rejected me and we didn't talk for a few months until school started up again. She saw my new look and personality and instantly started flirting/texting me again. I didn't really want any part of it, even though I still had feelings for her.
Fast forward a few weeks.
I met this girl, lets call her Sarah, who is seriously amazing, I mean, I cant imagine a better fit for myself. Sarah and I have gotten quite close over the last few weeks or so, and I was planning on asking her out. Of course, as I was talking to Sarah about this dance we were going to, Grace texts me saying that she messed up when she didn't say yes to me months earlier.
I of course freak out, ask Sarah for her advice, she says go for it, I do, and now I have a date.
Yaaay, a lonely teenager may finally have a relationship. But, now I am all confused because I had these developing feelings for Sarah, and now I'm about to go on a date with Grace.
When I told Sarah about Grace and me, she said congratulations and stopped texting me relatively soon after that. I don't know if I've hurt her or if I've made her jealous.
Im a little confused at the moment. If you have any support or help it would be greatly appreciated. | Hot girl rejects me, I get skinny and get a new [f]riend, hot girl wants me back, I say yes, am confused/did I fuck up? |
t3_53ht5f | relationships | Me [24M] with my GF [22F] of 3 years, got a small part in an upcoming TV show. I'm totally not cool with it because because of the nudity and simulated sex . | So I've been seeing this girl for 3 years now. She does part time acting , and has mostly been doing small roles in theater.
Recently she got a very small role in a TV show.
Her role mainly involves her having simulated sex with the main character before she's been killed off.
Now, I know this is part of the package of dating someone who wants to be an actor. But to be honest, I never thought she'll land a role in a TV show like that and never bother about such stuff.
I'm totally not comfortable the idea of her being completely naked (it's a full frontal nudity) , having pretend sex with another guy and making out with another man.
Another reason that is bothering me is that now all my friends and family will see her this scene and I'm just not happy with everyone seeing her naked and making out with someone else.
Now she's totally excited about appearing on the small screen and so far I've not raised this issue. I've been supportive. At the same time I can't tell her to not do this role because of my personal jealousy issues.
On the other hadn, I've been having sleepless nights because of this issue and I'm afraid this might cause long term issues to this relationships.
I'm not sure what to do. | GF got a small scene in a TV show, have to be completly naked and pretend sex, I'm unhappy with it, worried about my friends and family seeing her like that. Confused. |
t3_4yyzlo | relationship_advice | [29/m] looking to get back together with ex [24/f] who also wants to. Advice needed for dealing with friend's lack of support. | We dated for two years, loved together, broke up and I moved out. I started dating someone else and have been for about 3 months until a couple of weeks back. My ex wants us to try again and I want that too.
My friends m, since we broke up, full out disclosed weird shit and they obviously disliked her. Whatever. But with a few months to herself and receiving some help and being put on medals for her depression she really seems like she is in the best place. How can I help my friends to give her another shot? | my friends don't like me ex, she seems much better and I want them to give her another shot. Advice? |
t3_53jvxb | relationships | My (25F) boyfriend (25M) hurt his back, won't see a doctor, and is taking it out on me. | My boyfriend is a active guy. Bike riding, skate boarding, motorcycle riding, has a job with lots of manual labor involved etc.
A couple weeks ago he started complaining about his back hurting. It's gotten to the point now that just sitting in bed or turning his head makes him cry out in agony and tense up. He can barely move! He's obviously uncomfortable and in pain, which in turn is making him extremely irritable. This is a funny, loving, affectionate guy --- who now doesn't want to be touched, doesn't want to talk, and is acting pissy about everything. He never snaps at me but now I can't even so much as breathe loudly without getting a death glare.
I've been gently encouraging him to see a doctor or a physical therapist but he keeps refusing, stating he's had accidents before and he just needs time to "heal", it's just a pulled muscle, etc. And as far as I know he has no fear of doctors/good health insurance, since I thought maybe something like that was holding him back from getting checked out.
It came to a head today when out of frustration I told him to stop complaining to me if he was going to keep refusing to get help, because it's distressing to me. That I feel helpless watching him shuffle around like he's 100 years old instead of 25. Something is obviously wrong and he needs to see a doctor.
He got really upset by that, said I was being cold, that he always listens to my life complaints and they don't bother him, etc. I ended up apologizing, but Reddit, how I can make this stubborn guy see the light? Can I get some comments backing me up that I can show him, that this is something he needs to deal with and not ignore? He's been in pain for weeks, he's not getting better, and it's making him not act like himself. But trying to tell him that just makes him shut down the conversation. | BF hurt his back, has turned into a grumpy ass and won't see a doctor. How do I encourage him to take this seriously and not pretend it will go away when it's been weeks of him in pain? |
t3_i4351 | loseit | Trying to get SO interesting in exercising with me for health, fun, motivation, and companionship, but she just won't have it. Any suggestions? | A gym membership is just right out. We went riding bikes a few times which she enjoyed, but that's really more of a pleasant thing to do in the afternoon, nothing you're really going to work up a sweat with, you know?
She had a stationary bike and an elliptical machine before I met her, but got rid of them both (D'oh!) before I met her, because she said she 'didn't like they made the floor squeek.' I got P90X, which she said she would try, but after previewing the routines, she changed her mind, saying she would feel silly. She agreed to try Insanity, numerous times, and even did do one single workout, but that was it. I almost got her to jog with me today, but she backed out at the last minute. The best I've been able to do is get her to ride my bike along side me while I jog.
I'd really like for her to want to join in, if only for the reason that it's always more fun (and easier) if you have a partner who can help motivate you when you're not feeling like getting a workout it. I'm trying to not be pushy about it and I would hope she'd come around on her own, but I'm not sure if that's going to work out in the end. Does anyone have any success stories in motivating their SO to join them in exercising? How'd you do it? | Girlfriend keeps promising to work out with me, but keeps baking out. What do, r/loseit? |
t3_3b4xiy | relationships | I [18 M] am being driven insane by my sister [15 F] becuase of her disregard for others exsistance. | I live with my mother. My sister comes to visit under a court order. When she is here, she is practically unbearable.
She spends her time playing Xbox, screaming profanity, and leavening garbage around. When she does shut up, she is sleeping. But she leaves the TV, Console, and Stereo on to waste energy. Mind that I help pay the electricity bill. Even is a separate room with the door closed, I can still hear her.
I'm an introvert and need time alone in peace and quiet to gather myself. But it's difficult to rest with her going on when I'm sleeping, fulfilling my PC Hobbie, and trying to go to work.
Telling her to shut up directly doesn't work. My mother would be willing to help, but she is on the fence right now. It would take some convincing to get her to act. Any suggestions? | I live with mom. Sister visits under court order. She is a messy, loud person. I have a problem with that. |
t3_3xaahc | tifu | TIFU by calling my boss is fat | TIFU AT WORK
I work in a grocery store and I was serving my boss. She said that she was in a hurry because she seen a delivery truck arriving. Incase your wondering she wanted to get into her car before the truck blocked the exit. (the car park is tiny)
She was about to leave but remembered that she needed batteries. She was digging through her bag very quickly to get her money. Then I made a comment "I never seen you move so quickly" she let out a loud gasp and paid me before leaving.
I had no idea what offended her until I explained my story to a co worker and they made it clear.
I'm in tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. | my boss was in a hurry and was digging for money in her bag, I said that I haven't seen her move so fast and she got offended. |
t3_gplp7 | AskReddit | Why are Red Delicious and Granny Smith the most popular apples even though they suck? | I tried doing research but I couldn't find very much. Does anyone know the economic reason?
This is what I found:
Summary: When farms began merging and selling for a national market, in the early 1900's, they decreased the variety to improve branding and consistency. They cared purely for beauty on sweetness. On beauty, they wanted apples that consistently looked perfectly polished, unblemished, round, and shiny. On sweetness, they wanted apples that compared to white sugar and processed sweets rather than other fruits. And through heavy branding and marketing, that left Red and Golden delicious at the top of the pack.
There's something that's always bothered me whenever I go to a reception with fruit. They always only have Red Delicious and Granny Smith Apples. They are among the worst apples I've had. Red Delicious are dry, grainy and not tasty. Granny Smith are overly tart. The huge range that lie in between are all so much better. Rome, Macintosh, Pink Lady, Fuji - now those are tasty apples. I talked to a few people who eat apples and found out they wondered the same thing. And people who didn't eat apples said they didn't like the taste, probably because they only tried Red Delicious and Granny Smith.
Full research here:
I would love an answer to this. It's bugged me for years. | Red Delicious and Granny Smith suck. They were branded and sold nationally early on because they were shiny and looked perfect. Did they stick or was there some better economic reason? |
t3_4t6mvy | relationships | Had (20m) a date that went well but she (19F) just stopped responding afterwards ? | We went on a tinder date that I felt was pretty good, it lasted around 4 hours (not sure what that means or how well it bodes ?). There was barely any silence as we just talked for most of it.
I messaged her afterwards because I have a problem where whenever I try to be genuine I just sound awkward and sarcastic to let her know that I did actually have a good time and wanted to see her again.
She messaged back saying that she had a great time too and would love to go out again and after 1 or 2 more messages theres been radio silence. This has gone on for just over a week now but I did message her 3/4 days ago to see if she wanted to go out but never got a response.
Do I message her again or just chalk this one up as a loss ? | Went on a good tinder date, she said she wanted to go on another but is now radio silent, whats the course of action for this ? |
t3_2rpj15 | relationships | My boyfriend (29/M) is pissed because I (20/F) asked him not to text an ex around me after he lied about seeing her. | We've been together for about a year and a half. Several months ago, he made plans behind my back to see his ex. I could tell he was hiding something from me and I asked him about the girl I'd seen him texting a lot (and quickly exiting the conversation if I was nearby). He said she was just a friend, I asked if she was an ex and he said yes. He said they'd been talking because she was in town. I asked if he had plans to hang out with her, he said no.
I could tell he wasn't being entirely truthful, and I had to know for sure. So I checked his texts. Turns out he had tried to get her to meet up with him and made it as far as setting a time and place but she couldn't make it.
We dealt with that, he said he knew it was wrong, etc. He said he was going to continue his friendship with her but not see her. Fine with me, I just don't want to know about it.
Saw him texting her today, I asked him if he could not talk to her when he's sitting right next to me, because it brings up the old feelings. He has plenty of other chances to talk to her, I just don't want to know about it. He gets pissed and has been ignoring me the entire night. He refuses to talk to me, and keeps telling me to leave him alone and calling me immature.
I feel like it's fair of me to ask him not to talk to her when I'm around, after lying to me and going behind my back to make plans with her. I don't understand why he's making a huge deal about this. I just want to get some outside opinions on this, I don't know if I'm being crazy or he's overreacting. | I asked my boyfriend not to text his ex around me after he lied about seeing her, now he's pissed and won't talk to me. Is this fair? |
t3_34x25o | relationship_advice | I'm [23/m] and am in love with my fuck buddy turned best friend [22/f]. Anyone been in a similar situation? | So I'm not sure how common this is, but I could use some advice. I met a girl over a year ago through mutual friends and we quickly became physical with each other. At the time, neither of us was looking for anything serious and we both were open about seeing other people. We were seeing each other for a few months before things died down and she decided to focus on one guy.
A month or so later we reacquainted and ended up hooking up that night. While we never reestablished the physical relationship we had before, we ended up becoming very close friends over the next few months. We would hook up occasionally but never consistently like before.
Eventually I began having feelings for this girl that I didn't have before, and brought up the idea of dating. At first it seemed a strong possibility but she ended up deciding that wasn't how she felt, and we decided to stay friends.
As time went on we got even closer to the point where I can confidently say she is my best friend. We both say "I love you," we sleep over with each other sometimes, cuddle, even share the occasional kiss, although it usually doesn't go beyond that.
She doesn't want to be romantically involved. And I think I do.
I'm not exactly sure what to do. I love how close we are but that's also the reason I want more with her. She recently started seeing someone and I can't help but wish it was me she wanted. Any ideas on what to do? If I could I'd shut off the romantic feelings so we could just stay best friends, but I don't know how to do that or if its even possible. Love to hear your thoughts or similar stories! Thanks for reading. | I've fallen for my former fuck buddy turned best friend, and she doesn't feel the same. What do I do? |
t3_2fdfg9 | AskReddit | How do you trick or makes kids eat food they don't like? | My parents are in an emergency and my mom has been hospitalized in another state leaving me with my little brother who is very difficult to feed. Usually, if he doesn't like something, he will purposefully take a long time to eat it, play with it until it is inedible, or he will cry. I read online that maybe I can hide nutritious food it in the foods he likes but he can always tell when I try. Beating and punishing him is not an option and he just breaks down emotionally if I raise my voice. Help! Has anyone had the same issue? I wanted input quickly so I put it on reddit. I don't want my mom to worry about him while she's trying to recover. | Only person caring for little brother and he won't eat food necessary to survival. Would be very very grateful for suggestions that worked with other difficult children. |
t3_1tkko6 | relationships | Controlling SO practically stalks me. Please help!! | My SO(30/m) and I(24/f) have been together for almost a year and a half. At first things were wonderful like they always are in a new relationship, but as time has gone by he has become more and more controlling. He doesn't like when I want to go do things with friends or family regardless of their sex and doesn't even like me having a friendly relationship with my son's father. As a direct result of Hus controlling suspicions I have alienated two of my good friends.
We both happen to be employed at the same bar where I cook and bartend and he does all the VIP and band management. When I have to work and he doesn't he insists on coming with me forcing me to find last minute arrangements for my child. If there is an issue within our relationship he refuses to wait until we get home and picks fights at work.
Whenever I try to talk to him about any of this it starts a fight. I love him and would love to have a life with him but our life goals don't match up and I honestly don't know if I can deal with how controlling he is. I'm at a loss for what to do and would love any and all feedback. I know the truth hurts sometimes but it's time for me to hear it. | My SO is controlling and confrontational to the point of being a live in stalker. I love him but need to do what's best for my son and I. Please help. |
t3_3syt3x | relationships | My [18 F] Girlfriend wants me [18 M] to cut off contact with a friend | Hello, I am with my girlfriend for one month now. We are in a long distance relationship.
Since i told her about a female friend with whom i had phone sex (before i got to know my girlfriend) she wants me to cut off all contact with that friend. I don't know that friend in person (only texting/calling) by the way. I never felt something romantically towards this friend and neither did she. I want to keep her as a friend though. I tried to express this to my gf many times. I really want to show her that she can trust me. There are no problems with me having other female friends, it's just this one.
While I can totally understand that she has problems with this, I ask myself if there is a way to not lose one of them.
I appreciate any advice. If someone has had similar experiences, I would really like to hear about them too! | My gf wants me to cut off contact with a female friend. Is there a way to get her to at least accept me having this friend? |
t3_3e1iw6 | relationships | I (20M) think I indirectly damaged my relationship with girlfriend (19F) | I've been with my girlfriend for almost 9 months now. We both believe we are the one for each other and love each other very much. I wouldn't trade anything for her. However, I think I unwillingly damaged our relationship. One month prior to meeting her, I had sex with another friend of mine. I lost my virginity to this girl who was just a friend to me. Then about a month later I met my girlfriend and we are happy as can be now. I never told her that I had sex with that girl because I was too scared of her reaction and also the fact that my girlfriend knows her and is friendly with her. I know I didn't technically do wrong but I just feel like keeping it from her is wrong. But at the same time I feel like I shouldn't tell her. I really need some advice because I don't want to damage what I worked so hard building up. | Kept a secret from my girlfriend but I don't feel it is my obligation to tell her. Should I tell her or no? |
t3_14s1vs | AskReddit | [Scared shitless] STDs: Care to share facts/anecdotes about being asymptomatic for months and getting tested positive? | Backstory: Female here. Got ridiculously drunk 4 months ago and had sex with a guy I didn't know. Started out being protected but suddenly (I guess I was too drunk to register that this had happened) the condom was off. It took me (I think) a couple minutes to realize. I immediately got him to pull out and it stopped there.
Now 4 months later: Asymptomatic. Been doing a lot of research and I can securely say I show no signs of any STD, but again, I know that many women can be asymptomatic for an alarming array of STDs.
And the plot twister: I'm in a Long D relationship, I haven't gotten tested yet because I've been in denial/too scared, and he just surprised me with a visit that's going to happen in 12 days. | Had unprotected sex for a couple minutes, asymptomatic and haven't gotten tested. Boyfriend unexpectedly visiting in 12 days. |
t3_1v945x | relationships | How can I [22 F] gently break the news to my best friend [23/F] that the reason she has zero luck with guys is because she talks too much? | My best friend Lily is an amazing person. She's blonde, super fit, incredibly caring, loyal, honest, and silly. She constantly volunteers, helps organize the Walk For Diabetes, and currently works at a hospital researching a cure for Parkinson's. She's also one of the most intelligent people I know, and easily has a genius IQ. She's a fantastic catch, yet has absolutely no luck with guys, has never had a boyfriend, and has hardly gone past second base. Like everybody, she has a few odd quirks that could understandably put a few guys off (she's a HUGE fan of the Harry Potter series, is overly PC...), but nothing that warrants the zero response she gets from guys.
EXCEPT that she talks too much. Way, way too much. She can turn a story that I would say maybe three sentences max about into a twenty minute extravaganza, and she can do that with every single thing in her life. Since we live across the country from each other, she likes to talk to me on the phone once or twice a week. But after an hour of us talking about her life while I secretly reddit on my computer, I usually find a reason to leave. One time a few years ago, I even put the phone down and went to the bathroom, came back, picked up the phone, and I'm pretty sure she never even realized I was gone. Though she can talk forever, she's not self-absorbed or narcissistic; she always asks about my day (I usually only take 5 to 10 minutes to talk about it and then I'm done), and she goes far out of her way to do things for friends and strangers alike.
How do I gently break the news to her that this one huge personality flaw is what is keeping guys from staying interested? She's such an amazing person in every other way. I love her like a sister, and telling her about the problem would wound her terribly. But she's been becoming more and more desperate, and that's only making matters worse. How can I tell her, without ruining her self-esteem and basically telling her to change a major aspect of her personality? Advice please. | My best friend talks SO much that any guy who shows interest quickly changes his mind. How can I tell her about the problem? |
t3_179vp2 | relationships | Not sure if my [m25] gf [f30] of three months is sleeping with other guys :-( | Hi,
I met my current gf [30] on a dating site last October - things were going great (we get on like a house on fire, sex was good) - up until Christmas. We're from different countries (Ireland / Uk) but live in the same city, and both went home for the break. I've never been the best texter, so due to this & stubbourness (from both of us) we ended up not talking for a couple of weeks.
Eventually (after 2 weeks) I got in touch again & we started seeing each other again. All was going well again - but everytime I think we're going to get down to business - she says she's on her period still. This has been going on for 2 weeks now?! She's got a IUD (coil) fitted and I know this can cause slightly longer periods - but over 2 weeks? Personally - I think she's slept with someone else & doesn't want to put anyone at risk.
Further to this - last week when I went round her place - her housmate came out of her room 'becuse she heard male voice and wanted to see who it was, to see if there's any gossip' - why would she say this if strange male voices had not been heard recently?
I have no idea how to proceed? do I call her up on this? - obviously I have no concrete evidence to say she's slept with someone else - help! | Didn't talk to GF for few weeks - suspect she's slept with someone else in those few weeks - don't know how to confront her |
t3_2ojcf9 | relationships | Me [22F] with my boyfriend [22M] 1 year +, How to bring up the fact that I think He's losing interest. | Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year, but the last month and a bit I feel like he's been more distant than usual.
He's really introverted, so I'm used to him wanting alone time, but lately even our time together seems to consist of him on his desktop playing video games and me laying around his apartment, then sex, then bed time. I don't really have a problem with this at all, but lately I've been getting the vibe that maybe he's just not that in to me anymore.
I know the solution is to talk to him about it, but I don't know how to bring it up with out making it sound like I have a problem with how we are now, or sounding overly paranoid if I'm wrong. | How should I bring up concerns about my boyfriend's interest in our relationship with out sounding paranoid or like I'm unhappy? |
t3_1dcdcq | relationships | Saying "I love you" in an on-again, off-again relationship (20f, 23m) | My boyfriend (23m) and I (20f) first began dating a year and a half ago. We quickly fell for each other and I was the first to say "I love you" about 3 months into the relationship. He said it back right away. Due to timing issues, we broke up two months later. During our break-up, I asked if he had ever loved me, and he said, "I don't know, maybe I just got caught up in the moment. I really care about you, though."
We were on-and-off for a few months, but I was too scared to use the word "love" again. On Valentine's Day this year, he started reaching out to me again to start the relationship. He wrote me a long, romantic letter explaining why I was so important to him and why he wanted to be in a relationship, and signed it "love." We've been together for about two months again now and I'm really happy. I can definitely see us having a happy future together, and that excites me.
I want to tell him I love him, but I'm afraid to be the first one to say it again. I think he does love me, but he's not great at expressing himself or talking about emotions -- he's been able to bring up the subject of marriage and kids, but the word "love" scares him off, I think.
Should I bring it up? If so, how? | Nervous about saying "I love you" again with an on-again, off-again boyfriend now that we've rekindled our relationship. |
t3_2texfn | relationships | I (17M) found out my gf(17F) is smoking 2 cigarettes a day and I hate it | Me and my gf have been happily dating for a year. I'm about to graduate HS in may and she is a junior. A few months ago I caught her dipping and she wouldn't quit. She finally did after a month of support. I told her no more or we were through. She was OK with this.
This month I've been a bit distant because of other issues and she's been skipping school a lot. She is suspicious, and one day she goes to her car during lunch. I follow because i was worried, and i really wanted the truth, (she never gives the full truth)When I came to her car she freaked out and hid something under her seat. She wouldn't tell me what was up, and I let it go as I wasn't sure.
2 days later we have a big fight about her skipping and being really suspicious. We almost break up. This morning she called me and then came over and we cuddled like normal. After some prodding she confessed to smoking. I can't stand smoking but I love her so much. She dropped me off at school and she is skipping school again. Should I end it? I want to help her quit but I don't think she will. I don't think I can trust her anymore. | Gf is smoking after I told her it was over if I saw it again. I don't know if she will quit. Am i being to harsh? |
t3_ok467 | self | Why so many people (on reddit also) brag about using adblock when it should be socially condemned? | I'm especially talking to everyone using adblock:
You are so "anty-sopa" "anty-censorship" and your arguments are about that google, youtube, facebook etc. wouldn't be able to exist in their form, well think, if everyone would use adblock they would just perish. That's what you want? Isn't it a little hypocrisy?
If everyone had adblock, only gov sites and maybe few that get money from people would survive.
I'm fair (in my understanding of fairness). If adverts on page are too annoying, block my view etc. i just block them and don't give a fuck, it's two clicks on opera, other browsers probably have something similar. But why would i cut someone who is giving me something (free knowledge etc) while not disturbing me from surfing the web from their revenue?
Recently a lot of people whine about ads on youtube, i think they do it just because they are ads. When they are long you can skip them, so what's the problem. And i even watched few to the end because i was curious (they are not so dull as ads in tv, because, well, you can skip them).
I think, for some people sites should be totally free, without any ads with super fast load, full of unicorns and other rainbows. Unfortunately unicorns aren't so popular nowadays, because world doesn't work that way. | Why are you so hypocritical when on one side you are anty-sopa, and on the other you take the only revenue of most sites? |
t3_437zht | relationships | [25F] Scared of Marriage. Wtf is wrong with me? | SO [24M] and I have been together for 9 years. He recently proposed to me, and I said no.
I have never wanted to get married, and although I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I don't want the social and cultural implications that come with it.
There is this idea that young girls dream of their wedding day, and having a family, but it has never appealed to me.
What is wrong with me? If SO were to write a post about me on reddit, everyone would say to dump me. How can I correct this? | I want to live my life with my SO, but don't want to be married. How do I make myself want to do this? |
t3_176bff | relationships | My crush [F14] told me that she liked me [M14] but I am still in a relationship with my girlfriend [F13] who i have been dating for 4 months. Should I break up with my girlfriend to be with my crush? | My Crush texted me saying that "I really like you but I know you will never feel the same about me, I hope our friendship isn't ruined because of this" I replied saying that I like her too i just don't know what to do about my girlfriend. She said she doesn't want to be the reason I break up with my girlfriend but cheating is not an option.
I am decently happy with my relationship. We haven't had any actual fights but she doesn't like many of the other girls and popular people in my class so when I want to hangout with my friends she stays behind with her friends who are kind of boring to be around. My crush on the other hand is very popular and fun to be around. I have no idea what to do, should I break up with my girlfriend to be with my crush or tell her that I am happy with my relationship and I don't want to see anyone else. | My crush told me that she liked me but I have a girlfriend. should I break up with my girlfriend to be with my crush? |
t3_4gbqrk | AskDocs | Extremely irritated lips/mouth? | I am a 17 year old female, 5'5" tall and weigh 135 pounds. I'm very active and do sports and lift weights all year round.
So I've had eczema and pretty sensitive skin for as long as I can remember. It began to clear up and I've had virtually no problems with it until around 2 or 3 years ago. I used to only have it on my arms, but now it has come back in full force, on my arms, completely covering my hands, in between by toes, and all around my mouth.
My arms, hands, and feet are definitely manageable, but my lips and mouth are so irritated every single day it's starting to become a chore to even keep them not cracked and irritated for longer than an hour. They've definitely gotten worse in the last year, and they've become almost unmanageable. I have to exfoliate the dead, dry, peeling skin off of them every single day, at least once.
For the past year or so I have completely stopped using chapstick, and have stuck to solely Aquaphor, but not until about a week ago did I find out that Aquaphor is just a skin protectant and not necessarily a skin healer. For about a week I've been putting olive and coconut oil on my lips and they improved for probably a day, and now they're back to being very very irritated, itchy, red, and they sting very badly.
I think that it's eczema and I have been prescribed triamcinolone but I know that I'm not supposed to use it on my face. I am at a total loss of what I can possibly do for my lips. I've tried to become completely dairy and gluten free and improve my diet (it used to be very bad) for more purposes than just my skin. I have no idea what I can do at this point. I have tried to get my mother to make me a dermatologist appointment but she just tells me that if I eat better and put oils on them it should get better. Nothing is working!! Please help!!:) | My lips are ridiculously dry, peeling, and irritated. I have had eczema all my life and think it's related, but nothing I do helps. |
t3_2pon8w | relationships | Me [19 M] breaking up with [19 F] girlfriend of two and a half weeks. Rushed relationship gone wrong. | So i met this girl at the folkhighschool (norwegian thing), i was interested in her from early in the year, but we never really got to know each other.
And so, three days before the prom, i showed some more interest for her. We hang out here and there, and on prom night everything escalated out of everything I thought would happen. Before i knew it, she was sleeping at my place and we were a couple.
We were the buzz around the school, and before I was able to really get to know her, it was official.
Now, two and a half weeks later, i've decided that I have to break up with her. She is not the right one for me. | My relationship was rushed, and offical before I was able to figure out if she was the right one for me. |
t3_1fbnpl | offmychest | Well...... | I am that guy. That one that whenever something bad happens, someone hurts your feelings, someone belittles you, someone mistreats you in any way. I am that guy you turn to make your self feel better. Whenever things are going good you don't want to say a damn word to me, but the second something doesn't go how you want it to; you blow my phone up.
I was an idiot to think something was there. Oh wait no I was an idiot for letting myself get lead on for so long. I should have realized months ago whenever you didn't respond the first time. But no. I kept taking "sure I definitely would but" as a fucking answer and kept the flame of hope alive. Hell, of course, I am convenient for you every time you have been down I have surprised you with a gift. Whenever you got dumped a three weeks before Christmas; I was there. Whenever you were lonely because you didn't have anyone to talk to since you worked overnight and your friends slept normal hours I was there, whenever you got so stressed out that you want to tell everyone to "fuck off" I was there. Each time to cheer you up and make you feel better about yourself. Yet every time I asked to do something I would get "sounds good" or "I definitely would but I have to work" and you would never follow up on it.
It is funny how you dodge the question so easily now. I told you after the first text that if you told me "no" or asked me to "stop" I would. It is obvious you want nothing to do with me. SO JUST SAY It.
I have already moved on. at least mostly. ..... | just mostly ranting what is on my mind. I feel a girl I like is using me to make her self feel better while leading me on, while I debate on whether to move on or continue the pursuit. |
t3_24h8eq | relationships | My [22F] Dad's [50M] new wife and family [50-80M/F] keep calling me daughter/niece. How do I get it to stop? | My parents got divorced when I was 15. My dad and I had a pretty rough time of it as I was growing up and I haven't lived with him since my junior year of high school. We've had a rocky time since then as well, and I haven't been around for a lot. I first met his new wife the christmas before they got engaged. She is a nice enough woman, and I actually like her more than my dad. She's very sweet, very good to me, and I couldn't have asked for a better person to marry my dad. They've been married for about ~3 years now, if I remember correctly.
The problem comes in that she had her family have recently started calling me daughter/niece without my permission. While I'm happy that they've included me, it makes me uncomfortable. The new wife did not raise me or birth me. I hadn't lived with my dad for a good amount of time before they met. I don't know a good way to address this. If she had been in my life and had some hand in raising me then I could understand the connection, but I only come over for dinner every once in a while and sometimes on holidays. She's not my mother, and my mother is still in the picture and very supportive of me, so it's not like she thinks she's "filling a void".
I guess I'm just looking for a tactful way to tell them that while I appreciate the gesture, it needs to stop. | Dad's new wife and family calls me her daughter, even though I've only known her for 3 or so years. How do I get it to stop? |
t3_3legi5 | legaladvice | (Logan, UT) Our new property manager is threatening to block any devices that aren't used solely for Work/School in our apartment. | Our contract says, "Basic cable, utilities, and Internet are included in the rent." Our old landlord had wifi for each apartment. It wasn't the best but as college students we didn't complain.
This fall our landlord sold the property and the new landlord got new wifi and upgraded it to business class. The problem is that all ~30 tenants are using split between two and it is significantly slower.
Our landlord contacted Comcast and found that there were "67" devices connected to the wifi.
To "fix" this, our landlord sent a notice that any device that wasn't being used for school or work would be blocked.
To us this is a big problem and we are really stressing out about it. We all have phones, laptops, and desktops that are used for school as well as leisure. We also have xbox ones and ps4s.
What is the best course of action to keep decent wifi? | New wifi is very slow. The landlord says that only devices for school or work are allowed now. We didn't pay for a place off campus to do homework. We paid for a home while we go to school. |
t3_2ejlcr | relationship_advice | [F18] proposed to steady bf [m22] of two years. He said he'd think about it. Help?! | We've expressed for the longest time that we want to be a constant in each others lives. Recently we've been planning how we'd stay close while I'm in the military (to make money so that we can fulfill his dream of living out our lives in Japan- long story that doesn't pertain to what I'm needing advice for). I want nothing more than to give him the world and I thought he'd agree that getting married would be as natural and easy as breathing. He said, "I'll think about it. Okay?" He even gave me a time line: December. WTF? I'm so confused and heart achy. How do I keep my cool while I wait? I know better than to harass him about it. And a tiny coldly logical part of me says to break everything off now instead of dragging my heart around until I leave this summer. Both of us agree that long distance relationships don't work. Maybe it's self preservation but how can I allow my emotions to be war zone whilst I'm in one as well? | Long time bf basically just gave our relationship an expiration date. How can I help myself and him last past it? |
t3_2sgdlx | Dogtraining | Older dog with food aggression. | Gunner (6 year old lab) is a really good calm dog most of the time. Except when its time for him to eat.
Rewind about 2 years, when I moved into my parents place until I finished college he had never showed any signs of food aggression. We moved in there and all of a sudden he was very growly about his food. I figured it was because they had a dog in the house and Gunner was the dominate one of the two. I worked with him then and couldn't get him to curb his attitude.
Fast forward a year. I had to move to Louisiana for a job, and wasn't able to take Gunner with me, so he said at my parents place. Didn't really get worked with as far as the food aggression goes. His bowl was out in the garage and he would just eat away from the other dog.
Now that I'm back and we have our own place he is still showing these growly signs. I've been working with him on it and it seems to not be going anywhere. Also I've come to find out he HATES other dogs other than my parents dog.
Its one thing to keep him away from other dogs, thats fine, however tonight I walked passed him as he was eating dinner and he turned around and snapped. I will not have that. Period.
So any help or suggestions would be great!! | Older dog acquired a food aggression about two years ago, along with a hate of other dogs. Need help breaking him of all bad habits. |
t3_3q6u08 | relationships | I (28/M) feel the need to share my insecurities with my girlfriends when I grow close to them. It always ruins the relationship. But, as a guy, who else can I share this stuff with? | I was reading the [Girls, what turns you away from guys?] askreddit post yesterday, and realized I do a few of the things people HATE, particularly the negativity and insecurity answers.
I've realized recently that I've only had two types of relationships. I've had two long-term relationships (both ~3 years) where I never felt close enough to the girl to emotionally open up to her (including my insecurities), and this inadvertently prolonged the relationship (because apparently girls like that). But, it never felt very satisfying to me, like I was forced to pretend to be something I'm not. I never felt comfortable. I kept waiting for it to get better but it never did and eventually I had to end it.
Alternatively, I've had a few relationships where I feel like maybe I've finally met a girl who can accept me and understand me fully, even it comes with some insecurities. So after getting off to a great start (~2 months), I start opening up emotionally, and the girls always react very negatively. It usually kills things, and it drags out for a little while longer but the initial attraction and love she felt for me never returns.
So I'm stuck. The only way I can successfully have a long-term relationship is by pretending to be a perfect person with no issues, and as a result I will never truly love my partner or feel committed to her or fully enjoy the relationship. But, as a guy, I don't feel comfortable sharing this part of myself with family or friends, I need to be REALLY close to someone to do it. So what's the alternative? I guess I could get a therapist but I don't like the thought of that, and I don't want to spend money on it anyway. | Stay emotionally closed, end up with unfulfilling long-term relationship. Open up emotionally, end up with no relationship. How can I have it all? |
t3_487x4b | relationships | Friend [24 F] getting married to her [24 M] fiance after dating for about 7 years has decided to stop having sex until the wedding night to make it special without discussing with him first. Is that normal/healthy? | My friend [24 F] is getting married and has decided in all of her wisdom to stop sleeping with her fiance. They've been together 7 years and living together for 4 of those years. He is in absolute agony about it and keeps telling her how not ok it is. She has decided to stay at her parents house until their wedding night to prevent "temptation" from arising.
They have been having sex for the full 7 years years. This is not a waiting for marriage thing. They've been living together and sleeping in the same bed. What's the deal? Is that even sexually healthy? She didn't ask and they didn't discuss this "special night" and its plans; she just decided this was the best way to do things without any input. | My friend stopped sleeping with her future husband to make the wedding night special, but they didn't agree to do it (she did). Is it normal or even healthy for the relationship? |
t3_2v3vjo | relationships | Me [22F] with my friend [25 M] I feel like I screwed up our friendship... | This guy, we'll call him James, was a senior my freshman year of high school. Just recently we became back in to contact with each other about a year ago since I transferred to a college an hour and a half south of our hometown.
We're both in jazz combos, he always compliments my playing, tells me I sound great, I should take more solos, etc. I even talked to him the other day and he smiled the whole time I talk to him. I also had other friends who were positive he liked me back.
So, I sent him a text saying "Hey, James. I like you and if you want to hang out some time, that would be awesome. If not, that's okay too. I hope we can still be friends."
His response was, "Hey, HezkaHolka. You're a sweet girl and we can totally still be friends."
I honestly don't know what happen. I did text him last night and asked if he still wanted to watch A Million Ways To Die In The West but never got a response.
I have to see him on a regular basis and I'm absolutely terrified of seeing him again. | Opened up to a guy I thought liked me back, but he rejected me. Trying to figure out what went wrong. |
t3_39v8kb | relationships | Me [21/F] with my boyfriend [23M] Dating for one year and 3 months currently with a no contact order | My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a few months now. He can be very sweet however he gets mad easily. A few days ago me and my boyfriend got into a argument around 2am. I was teary while we were arguing and at one point I took a step back from him and right after that he told me to come closer. But I heard him clearly after I took a step back and told him I didn't want to stay close to him because his voice was loud enough for me to hear. At that point he then grabbed my arm to pull me closer towards him. We argued for a bit more and apperently someone called the police. They arrested him and before I knew it I was also taken to the police station.
I had no idea he was going to jail. He was being charged with domestic violence. The following day a judge heard his case and they issued a no contact order but let him go from custody. I had told them I didn't want one a no contact order. The next court day is early July(next month). But apprently with the no contact order he can not contact me and can't respond to anything I send him.
Right now I do not know how to feel except that I feel restless and I keep wondering if he is all right and if he still wants to be with me. I am guessing he might be mad because he had to stay in jail for a bit over a day. I do not know what to do or think right now except to not contact him despite an urge to do so.
I do not want a no contact order and I didn't want an arrest to happen. What should I do now besides not contacting him. I don't know if they will give him jail time but I am extremely worried for him. | with the no contact order in place should I still think he still wants to be together with me? And am I doing the right thing by not contacting him? What else should I do? |
t3_35z0y9 | relationships | I [18 M] and no females my age like me. | I'm graduating from high school and never had a girlfriend. Not even a cheesy middle school relationship type of thing. There's only been two girls I've ever really liked, one of which I know from school and another that goes to the same church at me.
My schoolmate rejected me after 6 months of talking on Facebook and IRL, saying she held back because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. -56 Morale.
The girl from church I never really talked to, but I got some solid telltale signs (immediately leaving room if I'm in it, walking opposite direction when I've been seen) so I stopped trying.
I know that I'm fairly young, but my 6'3" skinny self is feeling pretty bad about himself when he has effectively 0 females as even "just friends" around his age. The only girls that are friends I have are all my sister's friends, at least 4-5 years older than me. I'm getting a sense that there's a collective dislike of me.
Once I told off a girl from my church who is extremely fake and a massive player. I know she doesn't like me for sure. She has a large influence and a lot of "friends" however, so it's very likely she taught the rest of the girls at church to hate me.
Other than that incident, I'm honestly a laid back person and I don't have very many enemies. My guy friends tell me that they thought I looked angry and serious all the time before they met me but they "found out how not serious and funny I am". Doesn't make me feel much better.
I'm Romanian. It's a society where you basically have to get married before 25 or everyone starts spreading toxic rumors about your character. Nasty stuff. What can I do to at least get girls to not hate me? | I live in a toxic community, no girls like me. Friends think I'm funny and cool to hang around, but they thought I always angry and serious before they got to know me. Getting depressed real fast. |
t3_3n0gpi | personalfinance | One ER Visit, 11k in Costs, Insured by Employer, But No One Noted My Info, Now 11k In Debt | Back in 2013, I was in a car accident. An ambulance ride and hospital trip later, there was a bill totaling $13,000. I remember giving the EMTs and nurse my information (ID, updated address, and medical card). I was insured with my employer's health benefits at the time. During those months, I was dealing with all this + my mom's death and did not have a good tracking method of everything that was going on (not an excuse, just a confession of being unorganized).
Now, I just received a letter from a collection agency for the ambulance ride to the updated address I'm currently at--I just took care of that. I couldn't find anything about the ER stay, so I went to the hospital and saw the balance of $11 which is now with the Department of Revenue.
I reached out the insurance company and since timely processing has passed (I'm also no longer insured by them as my company switched to a different company), they don't want to pay for it. They noted the only exception is if the address was wrong, and in which, it was. The hospital took down my outdated address from my ID, and even then, they wrote it down as "court" instead of "circle."
Even with this, the insurance company is being pretty adamant in not wanting to pay, so I just obtained an itemized statement with the incorrect address to fax them and have not heard back. With the 11k balance in my face, I'm scared and don't know what the next steps would be. Anyone ever have to deal with health insurance companies and/or Department of Revenue? Please help/advise. | 11k balance for an ER stay, now passed timely processing for health insurance company, they don't want to pay, the bill is with the department of revenue |
t3_1rilzb | relationships | I [20 M]would like to take my friend [20/F] on an all expenses paid vacation but am worried it might come off the wrong way. | The title pretty much says it. The destination would be Vegas for just under a week to go to a music festival during the summer.
We went to the same festival last year separately and that's where we met. We've casually dated and hooked up but distance keeps us apart regularly. We both were already planning on going this year but separately. I'm not extremely wealthy but I have money and I wanted to surprise her and do something nice for her but am worried I might be giving off the wrong vibe.
How would you guys feel about something like this? Any advice? | I want to take a friend/semi-casual date to vegas for a music festival with all expenses paid. |
t3_4ftwe9 | tifu | TIFU by breaking an eagle statue at a flea market | So it's been several years back when i was in my early teens (I'm now 23) when my mom, younger sister and I were wasting time at this big outdoor flea market. There was this stand when you first walked in just full of junk, or what other people might call knick knacks. It was scattered everywhere and you were pretty much forced to walk through this booth to get anywhere else because their stuff was so scattered. Briefly looking through it, everything was priced at a few bucks, nothing interesting, so we continued on.
Fast forward a couple hours, we're on our way out and we have to walk through the same booth we can in at. Well as luck would have it, I accidentally knocked over this ridiculous 6 inch eagle statue and shattered it. We all just kind of stopped in our tracks, including the people running the booth, had this awkward pause, just staring at each other. You would thing it would be one of those things where it was a complete accident, they had so much junk already, I was just a kid and maybe they'd just brush it off and I'd apologize and life would go on, but this lady starts yelling quite loud, "Well!!?? Are you going to pay for it???". It was so embarassing and my mom of course was apologizing and saying she'll pay for it. This lady was making a scene over a little crappy eagle.
We didn't even look at the sticker on it, because it was shattered and we didn't really want to get anywhere near the rest of their maze of breakables so my mom asks how much she wanted for it. This lady looks at her husband or whomever he was and they give each other a deceiving smirk and she says $20. Are you kidding me!? My mom was livid. She handed her 20 bucks and said a few choice words knowing she had just gotten completely ripped off and she didn't speak for the rest of the two hour drive home.
9 years later and we still talk about that damn 20 dollar eagle. It's so funny now. My mom claims she should've at least picked up the broken pieces and took them with her. HA! | I broke a ceramic eagle at a flea market and the booth owners ripped her off and made her pay 20 dollars for it. |
t3_4yt747 | personalfinance | College loans for living needs/ Trust rules and help | First i'd like to apologize because i know this place is mostly for people having actual financial trouble but it's all that i can think of to go for help.
Basically I start at a private college for chemistry in less than a week and while my tuition and whatnot can be dealt with through the college from scholarships and grants i want to take out loans for rent, food, a new labtop etc for the year but have no idea where a good place to go would be. I have a trust with a sizeable amount that should cover the loans but i'm unsure about how i can handle it. My trust officer or advisor or whatever he's called says that as long as i can give him a bill that lists the loan as education related either from the college or the bank he can send it through and i can get it payed off. So does that mean i can literally just go to a bank, get a loan for like 10k and regardless of it's interest just take it to my guy and get it payed off? I've asked him but no response yet. Where should i go for such a loan? Basically any advice about how to go about this will be helpful. | Need to take out loans for rent and other extra things during college, Have a trust to pay them off immediately. Need to make sure how to actually do that. |
t3_4os06w | relationships | Me [26F] with my BF [28M] Three Years, I'm starting to fantasize about cheating on him. | We've been together for three years now. Obviously I've fantasized about other men, but my partner has never been part of the equation. But now the fantasies have twisted into being in my own home, while he's at work, and often about people I know. He took a new job a few months ago and lately hasn't been getting home until after I'm already asleep.
I don't blame him nor do I take his lack of libido personally. But I've been feeling trapped. These fantasies are freaking me out and I hate how much I enjoy them. I don't foresee myself doing anything about it. But it used to be the very thought of cheating on him nauseated me. Now it arouses me? What the hell is that about? | I'd never do it, but lately I fantasize about cheating on my now very absent BF. Anyone else have cheating-specific fantasies? |
t3_15o0p7 | relationships | [M31] Caught wife[F33] attempting drunken email cheating invitation... trust shattered | So...Married 2 years, together 6, no kids... wife and I have had some issues in the bedroom past few months (probably due to my drop in libido... i'm not without blame here). Overall I've never really had reason to not trust her since I've known her.. and we've been pretty much attached at the hip for the past 2 years (travelling together 24/7/365) so I know nothing has happened in that time.... but she's been really bummed about being back home and got really drunk and angry with me a couple nights ago. In her drunken stupor she emailed an old ex inviting him to "meet up" for "coffee" "wink wink".... now nothing has physically happened at this point except for the shattering of trust... how do we recover from this and how can I learn to trust her again? Has anyone been through anything similar and can offer advice? | wife hasn't cheated yet, just shattered trust by drunken emailing and old ex who she hasn't had contact with for years--need advice |
t3_1a6uqi | relationship_advice | How do I[17/m] stop taking everything my girlfriend [15/f] says seriously? | I'm extremely sensitive and emotional and analyze every little thing she says and does. She sometimes makes little jokes that after a while of thinking and analyzing makes me get all upset and depressed for a day or 2 until I tell her what's wrong and she apologizes for saying whatever it was that made me upset. Overall though, I just overreact to everything and am insecure. I know I'll end up driving her away if keep this up. It seems to happen every chance my brain gets to decide something can be warped into something depressing like she doesn't love me anymore or etc. One time I even took about 30 minutes going from a really happy mood, with resistance from that mood, to go to a depressed mood over some little comment or joke. I can't remember what it was at this point, but I overreacted. I know she loves me very much, and tells me this often. There's no reason for my overreacting and insecurity. How do I stop? | I overreact to everything my gf does that can be construed to be negative and become depressed. How do I stop? |
t3_2nfenb | tifu | TIFU by having an anxiety attack | So I have been recently been dealing with anxiety issues, gets really bad sometimes. But my wife has been 100% supportive. Today I got to about a 5 or 6 out of ten and needed to bail on work about 15 minutes early. Decided to treat myself to a redbox game for a few days while my BIL is in town. So I get home and put the game in and grab my meds. In the process I take out my hraring aides and put them on a speaker that is elevated. I game and let the meds kick in. All is well.
Then comes dinner, oh it goes well. We are laughing and having a good time. My SIL goes downstairs and then comes up stone faced. I think something has happened to her dog. My wife tells me to come upstairs. I follow expecting to find out her dog died in our basement.
Turns out he ate my one of my hearing aide. Now given it wasn't in the box I got with them, but I felt that it was safe where it was. Currently waiting to hear back whether I am out 200, 100 or 2000 dollars.
The icing. The dog then puked on our carpet. | Had anixity attack, put hearing aides on elevated speaker, sil dog ate them thn puked on our carpet. |
t3_3fgx81 | relationships | I [27 M] have mixed feelings about my gf [23F] of a couple months. But this is my first real relationship. I dont know if what Im experiencing is normal. | I just don't feel happy.
She has been incredibly affectionate to me throughout the whole thing. Sensitive to my insecurities, initiating PDA, always trying to keep contact with me multiple times throughout the day, open with me about things going on her life.
But there are things that have been bothering me. Our conversations have become awkward, it never feels smooth and free flowing. She likes to drink and hang out with friends and do wild things like skinny dip at the beach and take plane trips to music concerts, while I like to watch documentaries on my lap top. Shes going to grad school in the fall and I'm unemployed (although I've tried very hard to find a job).
Does any of that stuff matter. Is it important in a relationship to be at similar stages in your life and have similar weekend milieus?
Sometimes I think I'd be happier just being alone, but Ive been alone for most of my life and that wasn't fun either. | Girlfriend is affectionate to me, but I cant seem to enjoy or appreciate it. I feel too awkward in this relationship. |
t3_12qd57 | personalfinance | Refinance - any room for negotiation on rate, given a quote, followed by a lower quote after finding a slightly lower credit score? | So - I pulled my credit over the summer and it was in the mid 700s. That was for buying (leasing) a new car.
Knowing I had that mid-700s score, I looked at a refi. I picked a lender from Bankrate.com. They quoted me 2.75 and about $300 closing costs (points), assuming a 740 score. After the credit pull, I came in at 719, and the rate went up, to 2.75% requiring about $2300 in costs, or 2.875% with $600 closing costs.
Going back to bankrate today, I can search and find 2.75, no points, and $0 costs even with putting in a 700-720 score range.
Do I: Negotiate with the person that has already invested in the pull, either eat the $13/month and higher rate if I lose the negotiation battle,
OR
Bail out and go to another lender, and get a second inquiry, but go for their lower rate?
Is this purely an underwriting thing? Help me out if you have some good solid advice here.
(I'm very grateful for all the knowledge gained here...) | first quote was great, but the quote after the credit pull was not as competitive, should I eat it and have a double pull going to another lender, or just get over it? |
t3_4khhl0 | relationships | My [23F] boyfriend [24M] of 3 years might break up with me bc we don't have enough sex | He says he loves me, and he's always been the perfect boyfriend. I love him more than anything, but I admit that with working full time, going to school full time, and applying to pharmacy school, I haven't been the best girlfriend.
He says that things will feel forced and awkward now that he's said something about it and believes we won't be able to go back to how we once were, but I am willing to work on it if he is, but he just keeps saying he doesn't know what he wants. He's breaking my heart in the process.. | Did I make him fall out of love with me? Do we need to just call it quits? Can you get someone to fall back in love with you? |
t3_2lg63j | legaladvice | Im 20, being charged under penal code 261.5b for javing sex with a 16yo when I was 19. | EDIT: im located in OC, california.
So after being desperate and wanting to lose virginity, I went on a website called Meetme to see if I could fibd a gf. I didn't, but what I did find was a girl that said she was looking for sex on her profile. Her profile said she was 18, so I messaged her. After a while of talking to her, I found out she was 17 almost 18. I told her I don't think we should do anything, but she persisted. After a week of not talking to her, I messaged her again saying ok let's do this. She told me to pick me up near her house. We drove somewhere secluded (in the middle of the day) and had sex (penetration and her giving oral.) A month after that I get a call from a detective, so I drive to the police station and get questioned. Apparently, she was 16 a month away from 17, and is accusing me of punching her and raping her. I told the detective everything and didn't hear anything about the case until 2 months ago. I was to appear in court for a complaint under 265.1b. I appeared in court and when the judge asked for the reason why im here, she said "for having sex with a 15 year old and punching her when she not perform oral" The judge silenced the DA and had her approach her to talk. The judge told her that that isn't the reason for the court appearance and she knows that. After a while my lawyer told me I didnt have to worry about bail because I was released on OR. My lawyer pleaded not guilty and the judged gave the 2 dates for my pretrial and trial. What I'm worried about is how likely is it that I will go to jail? I just moved out of my parents place and got an amazing job. I don't want to lose any of that and I want to protect my future. I was a virgin at the time, and I guess I'm very stupid and unlucky. I know that the possible penalties are probation, a fine, or jail tine, and I really want to know my chances. I've been freaking out and losing sleep everyday. | Girl lied about me raping her, but I'm still being charged for statutory raoe, want to know how likely it is to avoid jail time. |
t3_2kmfsc | relationships | Me [19 M] with my GF [18 F] almost 2 years, don't know if this behavior is acceptable | Okay I'm going to try and only tell the essential information. I'm 19 years old, have been dating this girl 18 years old for almost 2 years.
For some time now this has been happening. She goes out with her friends and I don't say anything let her do her thing / no questions asked, she's my girlfriend not a prisoner. If I try to do anything while she might happen to be free without her she gets pissed off and goes off on me.
In addition to this, she doesn't have an open mind really. I watch whatever she wants with her for the entirety of our relationship and admittedly enjoy a majority of it so no complaints there but whenever I suggest we do something I personally like she says it's stupid and we should do something we both agree upon.
Lastly she's very bad at communicating, I try to express how I feel like I've been being treated unfairly, she either dismisses me or apologizes and promises to be better. Other times when I am busy she tries to text me and gets mad if i don't answer right away like at work for example.
This cycle continues nothing ever changes. Personally I don't believe it's unreasonable to want her to give some of the things I like a try or to treat me the same way i treat her. She admits she isn't this way with her friends but I don't see her trying to be any better for me.
Sometimes I feel like a prisoner because I let her do whatever she wants but when I want to go do something on my own or with friends instead of seeing her it is a problem. I love her good side very deeply. And I just don't know if there is something I am doing wrong or if it's her or both. | Girlfriend shows unfair behaviors in my opinion, not sure if its her, me, or both of us. But I'm pretty sure she might abuse how forgiving I am. |
t3_4ihnc8 | relationship_advice | I [20/m] Do not know If I should Make a Move on my Study Buddy (21/f). | This is a long post but I am trying to provide enough background so you know the exact position I am in.
To start this off relationships are not my area of expertise. I am 20 years old and never had kissed a girl or had a girl friend. I am not socially awkward or anything like that but when it comes to relationships I have nothing.
So this ending spring semester at College I had met this amazingly smart and beautiful girl. We got introduced by mutual friends in the major. We talk almost if not everyday. Whether she calls me or I call her. Although we do talk a lot about schoolwork and stuff but we both talk about our personal/social lives too. Do not know how much this comes into play but since I am more of an early person I usually call her in the morning and wake her for class. (She isn't a morning person)
I have met a descent chunk of her friend group. Although it had been for studying purposes 80% of the time but we still talked had fun. I think I had made a good impression with them. I had went to one of her friends houses and hung out there for 3-4 hours and just chilled out. (Never had I made a move or anything). So it is not just strictly at my college I am with her friends.
Something important to note is she laughs at my terrible dad jokes. Although to be fair she likes to laugh a lot. Overall I am stuck on what to do at this point. I want to ask her out although I am nervous for the outcome. Especially since we have a summer class together and another class together next semester. I also know the saying "It's not awkward unless you make it awkward".
I have hung out with her few times outside of campus. We are both very busy throughout the semester between work and studying so we cant really do anything fun. This is why I want to make a move or something before the academic summer starts.
Any help would be appreciated! | Met a girl in class at college. Hang out all the time but do not know if she sees me the same way. |
t3_2sqlkh | Advice | Do I dedicate myself to something I'm passionate about, or to something that could make a difference? | Bit of background - I'm 15 years old and in my freshman year of high school. I've been told repeatedly that this is the year when I need to decide what I'm doing with my life.
Right now I've told everybody that I'm going to do well academically and try for a doctorate in medicine. This is something I enjoy learning about and is something that I can comprehend well - something that if I pursue it, I know I can do well at it.
The problem is that, while I enjoy it, I'm not passionate about it. My real passion lies in music (how original, I know) and music is something I've been doing my entire life.
This isn't a textbook case of oh-my-parents-want-me-to-be-a-doctor, because I'm not worried about disappointing them. I'm more worried about disappointing myself. I feel like there aren't enough people in the world who spend their lives doing something that could make a difference in the world.
I feel like pursuing medicine could lead to me making a difference and saving people's lives, but I know that doing it won't truly fulfill my passion in music. On the other hand, pursuing music would be fun and something I love, but I wouldn't really make a difference in the world.
Any advice, Reddit? | Should I pursue medicine and become a doctor, but not fulfill my passion in music - or should I pursue music and not make a huge difference in the world? |
t3_2xkxlq | tifu | TIFU by trying to go to the bathroom | Since someone posted a tifu in China, it made me think of this. This didn't happen today, but over the summer when I took a trip to China.
So China has, what I call, "squatty potties," basically a hole in the ground where you pee and poop. I live in the US, so I'm used to western toilets, and find their toilets weird and discusting.
Anyway so I'm at a restaurant on a tour, and I go to the bathroom and I see there is one western toilet and 4 "squatty potties." For some reason the western toilet stall is locked. Now, I went to a squatty potty at the tanimen square and I got pee on my shoes, and it wasn't my pee. So I was desperate for this western toilet. So I look at the ground, and decide it looks relatively clean enough to crawl under. So I start to squat down and as I get in a crawling position, some lady around the age of 70-80 I assume comes out of some corner and starts hitting me yelling something like "QUAILO QUAILO QUAILO QUAILO." I don't speak Chinese so I was like wtf why is she hitting me and yelling things. So I decide to leave, I later asked my tour guide what that meant.
The toilet was broken. I know I probably should have figured that...but I really needed to pee. | went to use a toilet stall that was locked, and got hit very hard multiple times by some 70-80 year old lady yelling at me |
t3_ui6ed | AskReddit | What's your best story about when you held back your anger and it actually made things work out better? | Rewind back to Thursday night. My girlfriend is at her house, and I ride past in the passenger seat of my friends car. (I live a few houses down from her) I see that she's outside, and her ex is there. She's got a long history of him harassing her and just bothering her to try to make her feel bad. I had been drinking at a bar with a few buddies from Afghanistan, so I really didn't want to have to deal with this. I texted her for a little while and asked her what I should do for her, what she thought, and so on. She suggested that I come remove him forcefully. I had my friend walk with me up there, and instead of becoming hostile, I told him that if he did not leave her property within a minute, I would be performing a citizens arrest for Harassment, Stalking (He parked near her house, and when she came out, he pulled in), Verbal assault, and Trespassing on Posted Property. He stood up, and while walking to the car, I told him she did not want him to come back, and if he did, he would be arrested. Luckily my father is the local Police Chief so he knows I'm serious. He hasn't even tried to contact her since. I guess the point of the story is that you should only fight if you seriously have to. | G/F's ex was harassing her. Made him leave fairly politely instead of fighting him. Worked out perfectly. |
t3_3nvrrb | relationships | How do I [20 M] be a caring/sweet boyfriend to my girlfriend [20 F] of 10 months without being a doormat/being too available? | I would like to start be saying the relationship is really great. We have a lot of good memories together. But I am getting worried that I'm becoming almost too helpful/clingy/available to my girlfriend.
We both go to the same college and my schedule is not quite as busy as hers. A lot of times when she gets really stressed I will do things to help here feel less stressed like checking out books for her and bringing her dinner. I have a lot of free time that I don't know what to fill with and feel like I'm always available to do things for her. Where is the line between being a helpful/sweet boyfriend and straight up clingy/always available? | I do things to help my girlfriend out a lot and have too much free time. What is the line between being too available/being a doormat vs a caring/sweet boyfriend? |
t3_fciyv | AskReddit | Can someone do a good photoshop for me? | X-posted from favors, no one answered =(
V-day is coming up, and being jobless, I'm trying to make a really good gift. I'm trying to make a scrap book, and I want to start it off with our first vacation pictures
Request, could anybody with great Photoshop skills Photoshop me a picture of Mickey from Fantasia dueling Harry potter, with the lighting or "wand magic" or whatever in the middle spelling out "Love" Say yellow coming from Mickey, Blue from Harry, meets in the middle? Florida- Disney, and Harry potter world was our 1st ever vacation. I would like to fit in two 8x10 photos one from each park, so they would need to be a decent space apart. | Can someone photoshop dueling Fantasia Mickey and Harry potter with the wand magic meeting in middle to spell "Love" with enough space to fit two photos in between. |
t3_4n19ob | tifu | TIFU by leaving on my refrigerator's filtered water | This happened a few weeks ago.
So I was preparing for my week long trip to Hawaii. Nothing outta the ordinary here. Yet. I decided to get some fresh cold water before I left so I went over to my refrigerator and turned on the filter. My parents were yelling at me to hurry up since we were already pretty late so I frantically closed the fridge door and went to the rent-a-car.
We come back to our feet drenched in 3-inch wetness. Yeah, I didn't close the filter. Fuck me.
Luckily, the filter automatically turned off after a while but the damage was already done. Our entire refrigerator was soaked and all the food was ruined, not to mention all the water nearly flooding our home. Parents were NOT happy to say the least. Even today I get PTSD flashbacks whenever my siblings spill water or some shit. | Flooded my house with the refrigerator water filter, ruined the food, and got in really hot water (heh heh). |
t3_o4gdz | AskReddit | Is this legal, and if not what can I do to stop it? | I did a Google search on my name, as I do each month because I like to know what potential employers will be able to find out about me on the internet. I keep all of my social media profiles completely private. Today among the top results for my name was a link to a jerk.com profile. I visited the site and gathered the following information:
1) Jerk.com gathers information on people by either searching the internet or submissions from users.
2) With this information they create profiles for people using first and last names as well as photographs without the person's permission
3) Removal of profiles is not possible. If people do not like their listing they can essentially pay for "premium" features to make their profile favorable.
Here is the address to their "Remove Me" page if you'd like to see for yourself:
This website seems to be designed to extort people into paying for "premium" services so that they do not show up as "jerks" on web searches.
I do not want my name or photograph associated with this website and I have not given them permission to use either. I feel like having my name show up with the work "jerk" next to it in Google searches is defamatory to my character. Is there anything I can do to stop them? | Jerk.com is making my name an photograph available without my permission and is doing this in a way that I feel is defamatory to my character. What do I do? |
t3_3oqldo | personalfinance | Need details about Insured Retirement Plans (IRP) and what my other options are | I've been offered to set up an IRP through one of my friends who works for a company called Greatway. They charge a 3.5% annual management fee but give you back 1.5% of that as part of a "bonus", so really they take 2%. And if the stock market performs better than 5% they give you an additional .5% on the bonus.
I'm wondering if this is a smart move to sign up. I'm 22 y.o. and live in Canada. The management fee seems like a gouge from my account if they are collecting every year. It would work out to a lot of extra money if I didn't have to pay that fee and there is another account or way around this. Is it better to put my money in a TFSA and invest it in solid companies myself? Is there another option out there I don't know about? | Is an IRP with management fee of 2% worth signing up for or is there a better option to make passive income through investments? |
t3_vxgzg | AskReddit | How do I fit in more at my office? or how can I learn to enjoy working with people I dislike? | I've been working at this office for about 5 months and it's my first real job out of college. The office is a cliquey place and unfortunately, there is only one clique and the people excluded from it. The people in the clique, I've noticed, talk shit about everyone else, which I dislike, but isolating myself has made me really hate coming to work. There were better people around when I started but they have since quit and it's too soon for me to leave. I've just been having a miserable time and I'd like to make this job a little more painless. I need some advice! Thanks Reddit. | New job sucks, people suck, need to find a way to not hate working here for the next few months. |
t3_2pq1qu | tifu | TIFU by calling a co-worker's church a cult | I am pretty vocally non-religious, which is odd for the area of the world in which I live. All the 'oh sweetie, you'll come to Jesus' comments are now met with irreverance and joking about cults and the FSM.
This particular church gave all the teachers at our public school Target giftcards. Yesterday I said "Ohhh! Giftcards from the cult! Yay! I need to go get some underwear ... thanks *insert Pastor name here* and my coworker overheard. Today I encouraged a different coworker to use the giftcard to buy herself a present and said it was better than other cults because at least you got a giftcard. The member of the church heard again and pulled me aside and told me I was being entirely disrespectful and was obviously very hacked that I had maligned his faith - despite the fact that I tolerate religious jabs all the time from them. Apparently our mutually sarcastic banter does not stretch to this point.
I am not alone in my sentiment, and we have had a previous civil discussion on how I thought religion was a wash. I am considering just giving him back the giftcard, because I hadn't used it yet anyway. Thoughts? He said things were fine, but I want to cover my bases. | Was loudly joking about a cult-esqe area church that did a nice thing, hacked off a cubemate who knows I'm atheist |
t3_2rk8bb | tifu | TIFU by being polite at work... | So this happened today while I was at work. I work at a commuinty center in my city and all in all its a pretty chill job. We have a swimming pool, fitness center, basketball courts. The works. Anyways so today I get assigned to work in the fitness center. I hardly work in the there but I know what to do. I clean, mop, help when asked, typical bulshit ya dig. We also get a lot of handicap people comming in for pt. Well while I was moping over by the coat rack, one of them rolls on over to get there shit. We small talk and shit. Asking how his work out is going and he's asking about work. Well as he is leaving I say be safe and I will see him tommrow and he yells back drive safe( we live in Michigan. The roads just got bad last night )AND WITH OUT SKIPING A BEAT I REPLY '' yea you drive safe as well''. WTF. The guy stops dead in his roll turns around and gives me the most eye pericing look I have every got, then replied with ''what is your problem, I'm in a fucking wheelchair'' and roll out.
I don't know if my boss knows or if he told him but I'm freaking out. | clearing the fitness center while chatting with a handicaple person, told him to drive safe, he told me to fuck off. |
t3_1o5eu8 | relationships | Relationship vs career, plus age difference issues [28 M] with my girlfriend [18 F], 6 months | After many years of being forever alone, I fell into a relationship with an amazing girl last year who is ten years younger than me. It works because she is very mature and sensible for her age (e.g. complains about her parents drinking too much), and I am somewhat immature, both in the way I act, and how old I look. She's amazing, makes me v. happy, loves me deeply, etc. Her parents even like me!
However the rest of my life isn't going so well. I'm a software developer, but I live in a city/country with very low wages and very few interesting software jobs. If it wasn't for this relationship I'd be on a plane yesterday. I've turned down ~90k positions in other cities, but currently earn less than half of that here doing shitty mind-numbing web development work. I hate hate hate my job.
She however cannot leave town because she is still finishing high school, is committed to study here after that anyway, and likes this town because friends and family are here.
At the moment I feel like the happiness of this relationship is worth the career sacrifice. But on the other hand, I'm tired of being poor, and would like to make something of my life/have some career success. I currently feel like I'm pissing away my potential career-wise.
But long distance seems like absolute hell. And if I broke up with her just for some job elsewhere that might turn out to be not amazing anyways, I know I'd regret it very very deeply.
What should I do? Any bright ideas? | Bad career prospects in current town. Girlfriend cannot leave town, I feel like I should for my career but think my relationship is more important. |
t3_2vx8ym | tifu | TIFU by not covering my mouth | So I've been sick for the past few weeks with some kind of sinus thing, that dripped into my lungs, thus giving my this nasty cough. I was leaving a class earlier and had to cough, but I figured my cold had to be clearing up, so I didn't bother coughing into the inside of my elbow. Big mistake - I coughed and about a teaspoon of my phlegm flew out and landed on the back of the guy in front of me, all over his windbreaker. He didn't notice, and luckily the two of us were the only ones around for about a dozen feet an any direction, so nobody noticed. I power-walked ahead of him by like 20 feet before thinking about how fucked up that was, seriously I feel like an asshole. | Coughed without covering my mouth, slung about a small handful of salty slimy lung butter on some guy's back |
t3_3npm08 | relationship_advice | I'm a [19/m] guy with 0 experience with women and I have some questions about approaching and dating | Hello everybody!
I'm a [19/m] with no experience whatsoever with women that means: never had a girlfriend, never kissed, never flirted and I've never had female friends(only a few acquaintances that I haven't seen in age)
Zero experience, as I said.
However, I'm slowly starting to grow the guts to approach girls (I haven't yet, though) and I started attending the university, so there are *literally* hundreds of chicks that I can try to approach.
Still, there is a big problem: I realized that even if I had approached somebody, I wouldn't know where to take her to a date. Sadly, I don't know really many places, when I hang with my friends they always want to go to the same places and therefore I have 0 ideas for a date. Also, most things I do do not need me to go to many cool places.
Also, there is a girl in my course that I wanted to approach, but she's always with her friends. What can I do?
And lastly, even if I manage to get a conversation going, how do I manage to make myself a potential boyfriend instead of a simple friend? I really don't know how to flirt (how could you know how to do something you've never done?). | No experience with women, no idea on where to date, how to approach when a girl is a with her group of friends and how flirt. |
t3_j87pf | BreakUps | Can I breakup with my BF of 2 months over the phone? | 21F 25M
he'll seriously cry and beg and plead with me to change my mind/tell him how to change while i won't be phased by the break up at all...so i feel like it will be less hurtful for him to receive the news over the phone than to receive it face to face while i'll deliver the news pretty indifferently. which i know sounds awful but it's the truth.
otherwise it's a matter of making him excitedly drive up here to see me (hes taking this relationship much more seriously than me) for 40 mins for me to dump him, or me driving 40 mins to dump him at his place. honestly hes not worth the gas to me at this point though...
so, phone call appropriate? or should i do this face to face? | BF (of 2 months) madly in love, i'm not. want to dump him ASAP, not sure how. |
t3_17lkcd | relationships | Girl (F24) I like doesn't like me (F25) back. She wants me to set her up with my best friend. Help me out? | This is the second girl that this has happened with but that doesn't make this any easier so I've come to you for advice.
I've been friends with this girl for about a year and she's been single for most of that time. I finally worked up the courage to tell her how I felt about her only to get shot down and told that she likes my best friend.
This girl is actually really cool and has been a good friend to me so cutting her out of my life probably isn't the best idea. Should I go ahead and set her up with my best friend like she requested? I know my best friend thinks she's hot so it's likely to work out..
This is the second time that this has happened and I'd like to prevent it from happening in the future. Do I make new friends that aren't so good looking? Almost all of my guy friends are handsome dudes and well.. I'm.. not.. so I'm kind of invisible to women when I'm around them. If you've ever been in this situation, I'd really appreciate any help. I don't really have any experience with women so I'm trying to fix this while I still can. Thanks | This girl (F24) I (F25) really like wants my best friend. I think my good looking guy friends are what's keeping me from getting a girlfriend. I just need some advice. |
t3_113pl7 | relationships | 20 year old M/F relationship lasting 1 yr 4 months... Please help! Is my relationship in trouble? | Both my boyfriend and I (female) are 20 years old and we have been together for a year and 4 months. During the school year last year I spent every night at his place and we had sex almost every night with occasional nights where we just went to sleep. We had the summer apart where we visited each other a few times. When we came back this year we didn't have that special reunion I was expecting because I had Marching Band camp that lasted literally all day and into a good portion of the night. When school started we no longer saw each other every night because he said he needed to study A LOT and get a better night sleep. (This I understood because my dog fidgets during the night and I sometimes roll and kick.) As the weeks progress he is so exhausted from school work he comes to my place and immediately crashes... so now we are having sex maybe once a week and rarely have the time afterwards for deep conversations. I talked to him about it and he says he's trying his hardest to keep up with school (he's an engineer) and confessed he's actually failing a class right now and he still loves me VERY much! I love him very much too, but I'm getting frustrated emotionally and sexually with the amount and the quality of time we spend together. How can I stay supportive of his school work (which of course comes first) and satisfy my needs at the same time? | Boyfriend and I use to have lots of quality time and sex everyday last year, but now he's working so hard with school that he's too tired for anything. How do I cope? |
t3_49qm39 | dogs | [Help] Need advice; Keep dog or take him back to shelter? | Hi all, let me start out by saying that this is in no way an easy decision, hence why I came here for some advice.
To understand everything fully, you'll need what seems like more than enough background information. I'm in college and I live on campus, but I come home frequently. At home, I live with my grandmother and my four awesome cats. We used to have two dogs, but they had recently passed away and we missed having a canine companion. However, it is very, very important that this dog we adopt not be a puppy because my grandmother works a lot and doesn't get around very well and so therefore doesn't have time or the capacity to house-train a puppy. She also didn't want the dog to be chewing on everything or to try and run away in the underground pet fence.
We decided to go out and look at the dogs available for adoption at the humane society. The people who worked there were raving about this one particular dog they were sure would be perfect for us. His papers said he was three years old, which was still a bit young for us, but that's okay. We fell in love and took him home. Fast forward, we took him to the vet for something and they said that he was a year old or less. Welp, we were shocked.
Then, we found out why he hadn't been pooping when we took him out (which we did constantly): he had been using my grandmother's office as a toilet. He's not housetrained. At all.
So, my grandmother has been trying everything and of course nothing is working because it takes time, which she doesn't have.
But, as per his "puppy" nature, he also chases our cats. A huge no-no. Our cats are life. He chews on her work computer. He isn't leash trained (and she doesn't have time for that). Then came the final blow... He tried to attack me with no provocation. Twice.
Our cats are terrified of the dog, I'm terrified of the dog, my grandmother is just pissed at the dog. Should we keep him in hopes of change or take him back to the shelter? | we were lied to about adopted dog's age, dog is actually a puppy who isn't house-trained or leash trained and he tries to attack the cats and tried to attack me. Moral dilemma of keeping him or returning him. |
t3_2tmh1b | relationship_advice | I (M/24) have been dating a this girl (F/23) for four months and her schedule is starting to offend me. | I apologize for the title ahead of time. I didn't know how to explain the issue in a short, non-vague way.
We both have very different levels of energy. I'm typically full of energy all day and don't go to sleep until the wee hours of the morning if I'm alone or with my friends. She's usually tired all of the time and tends to fall asleep fairly early, even on weekends. From the beginning, I've compromised my sleep schedule so that I can sleep with her, as I really do enjoy falling asleep/waking up with her, but I feel like it's wearing on me socially. However, I've noticed on nights that I don't hang out with her or stay the night with her, she'll go to bed around 4am. A good example is from this weekend. On Friday, we went out to the bars with friends and she wanted to go home at midnight. On Saturday, I was too tired to meet up with her after work, but she was hanging out with the same friends until 4am and sending me texts/snapchats the whole time. I'm starting to feel offended that she always seems too tired for me, but is completely fine when I'm not there. Am I being unreasonable? She understands I'm a night owl, so she knows I don't benefit from going to sleep early. | Girlfriend goes to bed very early when I'm staying the night with her, but stays out/awake incredibly late when I don't. Feeling offended. |
t3_1v0x31 | relationships | I [27/M] just found out my girlfriend [34/F] of 7 months is actually a doctor who lied about being a nurse. Is this cause for concern? | We met online a while back and the relationship has been ideal so far. Not without a few small arguments, but there are no real negatives and I'm falling for her more and more every day.
She initially told me she was a registered nurse which I thought was really cool. I graduated with a degree in Computer Science last spring and started my career right before I met her.
I know it sounds sort of sexist, but the fact that she was a nurse appealed to me because it seems very feminine.
Yesterday she told me we needed to talk about something serious. She explained that she's actually a radiologist and that her salary is far more than I thought. She then showed me her degrees (I had never asked to see them before) as proof.
Basically she wanted to make sure I wasn't just with her for the money. Now she feels that we've been together long enough to trust each other. She also asked for my forgiveness.
I told her I was shocked, but that I love her no more or less than I already did. This is true. I really don't have a problem with this at all, I'm just wondering if it's a red flag.
I really do love her with all my heart and for the last few months I've been thinking of proposing marriage at the end of this year. This doesn't change the way I feel, but knowing she will be the primary bread winner is a little different. | Girlfriend lied about being a wealthy doctor until she trusted me. I still love her and I don't have a problem with this at all, just wondering if it is a red flag. |
t3_1fmlha | offmychest | I just want friends, that's all | I've lost all of my friends. Mostly by my own fault or choice honestly. After high school I chose to get a job, get my finances straight, and go to school. Most of the time I was working full time and going to school full time. Sometimes even working two jobs. Instead of partying on weekends, I cashiered and went through verbal abuse at the hands of asshole customers. Instead of going to local get togethers, concerts, or any thing else I worked, studied, spent small amounts of time with my girlfriend, and when I got the chance slept.
Finally I am in my own apartment with my girlfriend, working a steady schedule after working my way into a better position at work, and have weekends off. However, none of my friends are friends anymore it seems. Other than my girlfriend, I had one person I considered even a semi friend. She is not someone I want to associate with anymore for various reasons. So I knocked one out all by myself. I don't regret it, it just sucks.
Anyone I associated with in high school got fed up with me never hanging out regardless of reasons and won't reply to me anymore really. Well now I have no friends at all. No one to idly chat with. No one to hang out with on my weekends. No one to text about whatever. No one to see after work. I love the gf but we work together, live together, and on some occasions go to school together.
I'd do the whole craigslist strictly platonic thing but I am transgendered/genderfucked/genderqueer/whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit so I am always afraid that I'll end up being hated, put myself in harms way to people who don't think it's right, or they will take one look at me and think I am a tomboy and want sex. I seriously just want friends again, that's all.
I have a few work acquaintances and people I see regularly, but they are not friends. We've mostly never talked out of work or casual passing by. | I pushed away my friends by solidifying my life after high school. Now life is solid but I don't have any real friends to share my days off, texting time, or anything else with. |
t3_17an93 | relationships | I have type II Bipolar disorder. When is it appropriate to bring this up? (22M) | I am in treatment, I take my medication, I have a psychiatrist and a therapist, and my condition is largely under control. I haven't had an episode for over a year, although it is true that in my past sometimes I would have had emotional breakdowns and seriously harmed myself in some way.
I don't feel like it's fair to a potential partner to keep this kind of thing from them, because it's a major part of my life and something that could potentially affect them if I have a breakdown again in the future. On the other hand, I feel like bringing this up too early is going to scare people off. | How far into the dating process or a potential relationship should I disclose my mental health issues? I don't want to ruin my chances with dates who I like, but also don't like the idea of withholding important information. |
t3_38rbu7 | relationship_advice | [24/m] Been talking to a girl (26/f) a good six months or so, however, out of nowhere, she stopped texting back. What should I do, if anything? Should I just let it go and get on with my life. | So I'd been talking to this girl a lot over my time in college, and we were doing great via long distance, talking about life, all that good stuff. We had a lot in common: videogames, relying on our parents, being generally awkward, all sorts of stuff.
But when I got back home and we went on another date, things got awkward, which was mostly my fault. I was supposed to meet her for a date a few weeks ago, but my Dad's birthday came up and things had to be changed around. Eventually, though, I text her back and she doesn't respond. I admittedlly sent her a voicemail message saying that I may have screwed up and if she'd like to be friends.
All of this said, is there any way to keep her in my life even if we just stay friends? | Met girl, grew together while away, grew apart while close. NOt responding to texts. What do I do? |
t3_23hyej | relationships | I [20 F] feel like I've been an ass to my fwb [24 M]. | I'm not really sure if this is the right place to post, but I need a little help, and I don't really have anyone to talk to about this particular issue.
I've been sleeping with this guy for about 2-3 months, and at first things were fine. Y'know, the sex was good, we were nice to each other. However, awhile ago things started to seem different: he started asking me to stay longer after we'd fucked, being more touchy, etc. Essentially, I freaked out and started being a bit of an ass. Annnd now the assholery is mutual.
Furthermore, I didn't realize it, but I think I've very much been treating him like...less than a person?
I feel like I should apologize, but in all honesty, I don't know if this is all in my head or if he actually was hurt by the way I'd treated him.
Either way, I guess I was wondering if there's a way to apologize for sort of taking out my own problems on him/not treating him very kindly in a way that wouldn't make it seem like I was trying to get too feelsy/make it too much of a big deal.
I admit I'm attached (though I have no intention of ever asking for more), and I'd like to get to know him better, which may be colouring my view of everything: Maybe he hasn't noticed a thing and I'm being hypersensitive and silly.
Also, just in general: what are little things that someone can do for you that makes you feel a little better, without overstepping boundaries? I really, really do not know what I'm doing and I'd just like him to seem happy around me again, y'know, laugh. | Have been a bit of an asshole to fwb, want to somehow make amends (and generally, be a better fwb). |
t3_13twze | relationships | Should I (18F) leave him (19M) alone? | I met this guy while we worked at two different conventions together. After the second one we started talking a lot and got to know each other rather well. We live three hours apart and last week I decided that I wanted to meet up again. (After maybe three weeks of texting/skyping every day).
It went fine, it was a really nice weekend and we got along well. We didn't have sex because I was on my period but we did make out etc. (Although I think he was expecting us to go further.)
Anyhow... Ever since I came home he seems rather distant. He told me that his new meds makes him bipolar and that he doesn't want to get angry with me, so much that he rather not talk to me. Although he did say that he would like to see me again? (He is battling depression, therefor the meds.) He also seems to have some self-esteem issues. He has never had a gf before and he also expressed that he is clueless when it comes to girls.
For a week now he haven't initiated a single conversation and barley responds when I do. This is frustrating because I really like him.
Reddit, got any advice for me? Should I leave him alone and hope that he comes around or keep trying to show him that I indeed am interested? I'm lost. | met a guy who lives three hours away, talked a lot and ended up meeting over the weekend. It worked out great however now he doesn't act interested although he says he is. |
t3_3d2uqh | relationships | My (22F) friend with benefits (23M) made out with another girl and hid this from me. He said it is none of my business because we aren't dating. | He is my ex-boyfriend but we have been having casual sex for over a year.
He NEVER told me about this. I found out when I joined his Xbox party with his friend who he was telling. He had went to a party and made out with a girl, and almost hooked up with another one (apparently she was too slutty for him so he didn't). I snapped saying why didn't I know this?
I talked to him about it tonight and he said I am annoying. He said we are no longer dating so he can do whatever he wants and there is nothing I can do about it. However, if he made out with another girl, he could have sex with another girl if he hasn't already and just never told me! Maybe I'm paranoid but I feel I 100% have the right to know what he is doing. Things like STDs come to mind.
Should he be telling me or if it really none of my business? It also hurts me that he would tell his friends about this but hid it from me... | FWB made out with a girl at a party, had no intentions of telling me until I found out by mistake. He said because we aren't dating what he does is none of my business. |
t3_2xr08f | relationships | Me [32/F] crush on [41M] co worker...not sure if I should ask him out? | For the past year, I have had a small crush on a co-worker who just happens to be a manager of one of my teams at work. He's single, asks me to go with him to get drinks after work(which he pays for after I tell him I will gladly buy our drinks,etc), shares similar interests with me(ex. leaves posts on my social media channels of music or movie news, "friends" me on most of these platforms, we make small talk about news or about our families), drives me home after work some nights, and is generally a considerate person. Yet, I can't tell what the deal is--he has mentioned in team work outings to the bars around work that he would never date anyone from work but how "super single" he is.
Not sure if I should make a move, or mention to him my feelings. I'm also concerned about our working relationship...yet people at work do date and some are even engaged(I work with 500+ people) or married(met at work). Am I making this more complicated? | crush on a manager at work who is single and possibly shows interest but I can't tell. Tell him how I feel or let it go? |
t3_2uzu2p | relationships | I [29 M] just found out my girlfriend [27 F] of 2 years, has been having "phone sex" with someone on snapchat. | My girlfriend and I have been having a bit of a rough patch. Some arguments, diminished sex, constantly short with one another. And its because of one thing: moving in together.
See, I have a great place thats pretty cheap. Sure I share it with roommates, but we have a ton of space for NYC, even private outdoor space. My girlfriend, on the other hand, is losing her current place in March and can't afford to live on her own. So she has been pushing pretty hard to live together. I'm reluctant, but have agreed.
Last night, I fired up her Macbook to stream some TV in her room while I was waiting for her to shower. When it woke from sleep, it was hung up for a moment while everything came back up. Her iMessage is the open window.
She had been having a text conversation, with her gay best friend, about "being bad" "REAL bad." She went on to tell him that she had recently had "phone sex" via snapchat with a guy in Delaware, someone I know she hooked up with before we began dating. She did tell her friend that it was nothing more than sexy snaps, and that she hadn't seen the guy in years.
Her friend told her to "not fuck this up" and she agreed that "didnt want to lose him, especially when I'm months away from a ring" [editorial: she's not close to getting a ring]
So whats a schmuck to do? | Found out my GF has been sending sexy Snaps to a former conquest, thinks she's getting a ring within the next year. |
t3_2po6ax | relationships | [19/F] I have recently started getting into shape and now my boyfriend [26/M] is showing disinterest and making negative comments about my body. | Normally I'd post with a throwaway but I really don't feel like it.
Anyways, my boyfriend and I have been dating a little more than a year now and recently he has started showing disinterest in me and my body. I was never overweight, just a little out of shape and really skinny. He never had a problem with the way I looked. I didn't hate the way I looked, I just wanted to improve my appearance for personal and health reasons.
So I started working out and eating better, I lost some weight but gained more in muscle which has become noticeable. I'm happy with my progress so far and I assumed he would be too, but the very first thing he said "Your boobs got smaller". I tried not too hurt by his comment because he knows I'm still trying to battle my insecurity but it still got to me and I cried for about half an hour afterwards.
That didn't stop me from working out, I still have a long way to go before reaching my ideal body and he knows this but I assumed he would be happy that I'm trying to improve my appearance. Instead, all I keep hearing are his comments about how I'm getting too thin and that I'm going to be too muscular to look feminine and a bunch of other bullshit comments like that.
My boyfriend is considered over weight, we're both 5'6" and I currently weigh 130 lbs as opposed to his 175 lbs. However, I could care less about how much he weighs because I look past appearance when it comes to relationships. I've also never made negative comments about his appearance either because I love him and that would be a shitty thing to do.
I just need to know, am I wasting my time by feeling offended by his comments? Is this grounds for breaking up? How can I approach this situation? I seriously need to know because I do plan discussing this with him the next time I see him. | Getting into shape but my boyfriend is being a negative nancy and making me feel insecure about it. What's the easiest way to discuss this without compromising our relationship? |
t3_2hs7cf | relationships | Don't know how to help my [F23] SO [M24] deal with his depression/anxiety about job hunting. | My SO and I have been together for a year and 7 months. We both graduated with the same degree this May and I moved in August for my job. My SO is still job hunting and is really struggling with it, and since I can't be there in person to help him I'm coming here for advice.
Whenever we talk about the upcoming career fairs, he shuts down. He says he doesn't like to talk about it, it's too much stress/pressure, and at that point usually asks to get off the phone. I've tried to take some of the pressure off by looking up some of the information he needs for him (dates/times of different events) but I can't tell if it's helping or hurting.
Since he's tried every year to find an internship/full time job and has yet to be successful, he's really pessimistic about the upcoming job fairs. He hates the whole recruiting/interviewing process and is mad at himself that he has to go through it again. He was visiting me recently and had 2 interviews while he was here, and I can tell how much it helped to have me with him doing the preparation work, but now that he's home preparing for everything alone, I just don't know how to help.
It would be one thing if he didn't have a strong resume and we could blame his situation on that, but it's just not the case. | My SO is experiencing intense depress/anxiety over the upcoming job fairs. He shuts down whenever I try to help or talk about it. |
t3_2q6s0k | legaladvice | Divorced a year, my ex-wife is getting daughter for the week of Christmas to spend with her and her boyfriend (who my daughter shouldn't be around) | I was divorced a year ago, been separated for three. It was brutal; she cheated on me with three different men, start abusing prescription pain killers with her latest boyfriend and had me put in jail for a week for a crime I didn't commit.
After an outrageous amount of money payed to a lawyer and a private investigator, I'm free and clear of any criminal charges and have primary physical custody of my 6 year old autistic daughter. Her mom gets her alternating weekends and holidays.
Keeping it short, our agreement states that my ex needs to pay for half of our daughter's medical expenses and that our daughter is to have absolutely no contact whatsoever with her latest boyfriend.
My ex lies to me and says that she isn't seeing him, even going so far as fabricating another man's name to throw me off. I've hired a PI again who got evidence that the man was with my ex while she had our daughter for the weekend, and I've got a print off of the guys facebook page showing the two of them together and in a relationship and that he lives there. Thats on top of the fact that she pays almost nothing regarding her medical bills (I haven't seen any money in two months).
I've just dropped my daughter off to be with her mom for Christmas for five days. This is the first I've been away. I'm nauseated that I'm dropping her off to spend time with the this scum-bag degenerate druggy and my sociopath ex.
How to I get through this, reddit. I feel prepared to go back to family court to address these issues, I can't live with myself knowing I stood by and watched the worst human I've ever met become a permanent fixture in my daughter's life.
This is VA, by the way. | Ex-wife lives with scumbag who she legally shouldn't be with, and is now getting common daughter for christmas. |
t3_3svtmr | relationships | Is he [27/M] changing his mind after 4 weeks dating about a relationship with me [21/F]? | Hello fellow redditors,
I've met this guy about a month ago and since then we went on about 6 dates. On the first date he told me, that he is not looking for a relationship or commitment. So we just went on some dates and hooked up. Which is fine with me, because I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship either.
I'm trying not to get attatched or something, because this is only a very casual thing. We are both seeing other people, at least I do and he is free to meet other girls, I'm not sure if he had other dates or not though.
Lately he behaves like he is getting a bit attatched to me, he says he really likes me etc. He is jokingly talking about marriage, if I would marry him and move back to his hometown etc He also introduced himself as my boyfriend to other people.
The thing is, from my past experience I've learned that if someone says they don't want commitment, they mean it. But actions speak louder than words, so I'm a bit confused right now. Also a couple I know got together despite the fact he initially didn't want a relationship...
I'm playing it cool at the moment, I just go with the flow really. As I said, I'm seeing some other people, one of them is really great, too and he seems very into me. | I want to confront him about his behaviour, but I don't want to seem to clingy or interested in a relationship. Also, how likely do you think is it, that he changes his mind about not wanting a relationship? |
t3_44e6g8 | relationships | I [35F] need help caring about my job after workplace bullying. Please help. | Two years ago I loved my job, took a ton of pride in my performance, and derived a lot of my self-worth from my abilities.
A new employee came in and immediately began criticizing my work and undermining my relationships. After years of being a reliable and appreciated employee, this employee began treating me like an incompetent five year old, and I felt that this rubbed of on my coworkers.
The stress of this led to a lot of sleepless nights, weight loss, and emotional upset. I couldn't win for trying and eventually I lost joy in doing my job.
The employee was eventually let go and after comparing notes, my coworkers and I realized that this employee had spread misinformation around the workplace, causing a lot of unnecessary tension and turmoil. Now that things have been cleared up things can get back to normal.
But now I find that I can't recapture the joy and pride I had felt previously. I feel apathetic about my work, and find myself procrastinating and performing below level. This is my dream job, my heart is in it, but I just can't motivate myself to put my all into it anymore. I'm really bothered by this and would love to get back to work. I'm not sure why I can't, and would love some advice. | New employee at job undermined my performance and relationships by spreading mistruths. Now that she has been let go, I'm struggling with getting back to normal. |
t3_1xnmyb | relationships | Me [23M] trying to help my girlfriend [21F] who complains about her weight and then indulges heavily right after that | Hi. My girlfriend has recently looked at herself in the mirror, with shame in her eyes and tells me not to look, tells me that she thinks she's getting fat. I tell her "you're beautiful", because I think she is.
The following day, she bought herself a big box of chocolate to enjoy - and ate almost all of it in one day. I don't want her to think that I'm trying to change her, or make her think that I find her to be gaining weight, or anything like that ---- I just want to make her happy.
BUT, it's hard for me to watch her do those two things, one day after the next. NOT because I think anything negative of her actions, but because I love her and want to help her recognize the truth about diet and weight, I sometimes consider mentioning it to her. it's not that she's an unhealthy eater, but about once a week she'll go all out on an indulgence. I'm all about the occasional indulgence, but there's a serious difference between a couple pieces of chocolate and an entire box. A different between a piece of cheesecake and an entire cheesecake.
I care about her health and her happiness, and it's hard for me to see her sad and unhappy, and the very next day doing nothing to improve her situation.
I don't know what to say; I don't know what to think. Maybe I should just shut up and let her do what she wants! I work out and it's hard for me to stay mum and watch this cycle that she may fall into. Any words of wisdom, or help, or anything you have to offer is truly appreciated. | Girlfriend thinks she's getting fat, while indulging heavily on unhealthy snacks. What can I say or do to help the situation? |
t3_21nlpq | relationships | I (24 f) dated a guy (35 m) for 3 months, he doesn't know how he feels. | He pursued me first, and seemed to want to start something real (telling me that he's falling for me, asking me what I look for in a relationship, etc.). We saw each other almost every day for the past 3 months, exclusively for about a month and a half, have had intimate moments, but never established our relationship status.
Recently,I've noticed that things have been quite dull and he never really expressed his feelings for me verbally or otherwise. When I told him I was falling for him, his response was "is that a good thing?" I began to feel increasingly insecure and finally got up the courage to ask him how he felt about me. He kept avoiding the question and ended up telling me that he didn't know.
When I delved further, he said he's been feeling numb lately, not just about the relationship with me but with things in general.
I broke it up then and there because I cannot be with someone who is not "into" me. At the same time, I do wonder if I'm leaving too soon if anything would change in the future and he might actually fall in love with me because I see myself getting there. What do you think?
Oh, he did get out of a serious relationship like half a year ago. | dated for 3 months, the guy says he doesn't know how he feels about me and feels rather "numb". Was breaking up with him a good idea, or do some people just take longer time to get there? |
t3_4n30yp | relationships | I [17 M] need advice getting over my ex-boyfriend [18 M] cheating on me with my first ex [17 M] | So i've only ever had two boyfriends since i'm out newly, and my first ex who we'll just call Jacob I was okay with when we split after two months. About a month ago, I started dating a guy nearby who we'll call Aaron. Everything in our relationship was going fine until about a week ago when out of the blue he started ignoring all of my messages. We organized a dinner date for Friday and I showed up and ended up eating alone since he didn't come and never told me he couldn't go. I started getting suspicious because I initially blew it off as his job keeping him busy or family problems. Today is really when I started panicking since it was a week since I had heard from him, so I decided to ask Jacob if he had seen Aaron around anywhere, since they were good friends. He said that on Wednesday, Aaron, who used to be Jacob's ex, messaged him apologizing for a fight that broke them up like three months ago. Thursday is when they got back together and Aaron just kept ignoring me while being in two relationships at once. So after I found out what happened, I broke up with Aaron and kind of just did other things afterwards to take my mind off of the break up. It hasn't really done much, because all I can really think about is how upset I am that Aaron cheated on me. Can anyone here that has been cheated on offer advice to help get my mind off of this? I don't really want to go back into dating for a little bit because I think I need a break and I need other things to take my mind off of it. | My boyfriend cheated on me with my ex who is also his old ex and I broke up with him. I need help taking my mind off of the whole situation and cheering myself back up. |
t3_334khm | relationships | My (25f) boyfriend (25m) of 2yrs called me a bitch for saying I'd expose his friend's (20sm) illicit online behaviour | My boyfriend told me his friend was being inappropriate with girls online, and my boyfriend was "troll-guilting him about it" with things I'd say. These include relatively common-sense things, according to my boyfriend, such as "you should feel bad", and the like.
As my boyfriend has a history of doing similar things behind my back, I replied with "(friend's gf) needs to know because I know how this feels. I should tell her". At this point I was told to stop being such a bitch.
TO BE VERY CLEAR: I have no intention of meddling and saying anything These are not my friends and I know it would cause problems between my boyfriend and his friend, as it will be traced back to my boyfriend.
That said, I cannot shake the upset that it caused and I need advice on either how to get over it, or whether I should tolerate this. Please help me out. | boyfriend of 2 years called me a bitch for saying I'd tell his friend's gf about his friend flirting extensively with a girl online |
t3_3d34hy | relationships | My (22F) S/O (29M) of 2 years is pressuring me to get an abortion I do not entirely want. | Found out I was pregnant a week ago. He was supportive at first, now he's distant, cruel and discussions on the topic are closer to attacks than conversations. His behavior as of late was heading in that direction but I'm beginning to see he has no limits. I know I'm not in an ideal position [due to start grad school full time this fall] but with extremely hard work and sacrifice I could create a positive atmosphere. I have the basic foundation to build from and I want to give my best.
It's still early in the pregnancy, and I'm on the fence (however strong my leaning may be) but the added stress is too much. The way he is treating me right now is killing me more than the news itself and making it all the more difficult to process. I'm pro-choice and funnily enough, typically against unplanned pregnancies being pursued. You'd be surprised how different things are when they're happening to you.
Not even sure if I have a question. If anyone has experienced something similar, please share. I've never felt so alone in my life. | Boyfriend started out supportive, now pressuring me to get an abortion. I'm still conflicted and increasingly upset. Any help would be appreciated. |
t3_1n073s | AskReddit | Am I being unfair? | So this is the story :
I paid 700$ for my laptop and I use it everyday and go on it most of the time. I let my sister go on it most of the time whenever she needs it. I also let her take it to school on some important days where she really needs it, no problem. But now she wants to take it 2x a week every week! And I said that's impossible and crazy no way! But then I made a deal with her saying that If she would owe me 10mins a week to wash my dishes I'd let her take it. Then comes the week she has to wash, and makes a fuss about it saying were family and whatnot and my mom agrees with her saying she shouldn't have to wash my dishes. So then I made it to 7 minutes a week and she's still not happy.
So the question here is : Am I being unfair? Or is she being a dick?
Anyone have any suggestions? | Agreed to let my sister take my laptop 2x a week if she owed me 7mins in dish washing. She says no, family is family I shouldn't owe you anything. |
t3_3ony8o | relationships | Me [35 M] with my Wife [32 F] 10 years, feelings for her best friend | Been married for 8 years, knew wife for 2 before that. We met while working together at a dead-end job. I now have a successful career, wife jumps around dead-end jobs.
The first two years of marriage was tough, money was tight and wife is not a sexual person. She was sexual before we were married. Our relationship is more of a room mate situation now. No kids, no house, 1 dog.
We both have had health issues over the last 3 years and have recovered completely. Health issues have changed who we are. I am more active, and she is a couch potato.
Wife has a best friend she has known for years. At first the friend annoyed me, but now I find myself completely attracted to her and not my wife. I lost attraction to my wife before I discovered I had feelings for her friend.
My wife and I have little to nothing in common, her friend and I have a lot in common. I think the friend has feelings for me, but won't show them out of respect for my wife.
My wife barely tolerates her best friend these days, I step in to keep the peace because I enjoy spending time with her best friend.
I know my marriage will end in the near future, we have both stopped trying to fix the marriage. We keep up appearances for our family and friends, but when we are together we don't talk or engage in activities together. We haven't had sex in over a year, and through out the marriage we have had sex maybe 25-30 times.
The question I have is when my marriage ends, should I let her friend know how I feel? Would it be wrong to try and have a relationship with her?
I have not cheated, and won't cheat on my wife. I respect her. I know my marriage is going to end, and I'm asking about after the marriage is over. | In a sexless/empty marriage, I have feeling for my wife's best friend who my wife barely tolerates. Is her friend off limits when our marriage ends? |
t3_156h1b | dogs | Puppy Brag/Feeding Question | Hello, /r/Dogs! I have been an avid reader for some time now, and love this little community! I am owned by two fabulous mini Aussies, a 5-year-old red merle named Chewbacca (who has been my best friend since he was 8 weeks old) and a 4-year-old "blue merle" (mostly white) rescue mini Aussie, Bandit, who is deaf.
We are harboring a top-secret puppy for my parents (he is a Christmas surprise for the family, but before you freak out he is a WANTED puppy by my parents, they just want to see the look on my sisters face on Christmas morning. They have an 11 year old Corgi who I grew up with and is fabulously spoiled)
The puppy is a 12 week old Sheltie who we got from a rescue group (mom was surrendered while pregnant) he is a DOLL! We named him Carlton Lassiter (any Psych fans out there??) And in the time we have had him I have de-flead, groomed, wormed and gotten his first shots started as well as started his potty training (he whined at the door to go out for the first time yesterday! I am so proud!) and taught him "sit" and "down."
**ON TO THE QUESTION!!!**
He is a little on the skinny side for a puppy, partly because he doesn't have the usual puppy worms and partly because he is growing like a weed and is super active. What is the appropriate amount to feed a 12(ish) week old Sheltie pup? He GOBBLES his food down, and is always looking for more. The vet who saw him for his shots said that he looked great, but I like my puppies fat and happy. | How much should I be feeding a 12ish week old Sheltie puppy who is a little on the lean side? |
t3_2viiyz | relationships | My [21M] girlfriend [19F] of one year wants to have babies before I do. I'm concerned about how this will affect our relationship. Advice? | I've been with my girlfriend for a year now, and we have talked very seriously about the possibility of getting married one day, including all the different issues associated with that.
One of those issues is kids. My girlfriend has very strong maternal instincts, and is looking forward to having children. She says she wants to be a young mother, and wants to have her first baby by 30 at the latest. I think I want kids too, but I am not nearly as gung-ho about the whole thing. I don't see myself being ready before 35. There is too much else I want to accomplish before then, both in my life and in our relationship.
I am perfectly aware of the fact that there is a long time between now and when we have kids--we could break up, one or both of us might change our mind, the list goes on. Assuming we stay together, however, I think this has the potential to become a significant issue.
I'd love to hear from Redditors on here who are more experienced than I am. What has your experience been? Did you disagree with your SO about when to have kids? How did you resolve that? How did it affect your relationship? Did your views change over time? Any and all insights would be welcome and appreciated. | My girlfriend wants to have babies before I do, and I'm concerned it will affect our relationship. I'm looking for insights and advice. |
t3_36ewrd | relationships | 26 [F] with my 30 [M] husband of 3 years have conflict about him playing guitar while I am talking to him | My husband plays guitar; he's amazing at it and he gets really into it. When he's playing he's so focused on it that he tunes everything else out (this is from my perspective, though he says he can still pay attention). I've always found undivided attention important, so I never text while he's talking to me (and he's not much of a phone user but I would be upset if he were texting while I were talking).
It happens often that I'll start talking and he will pick up his guitar and start playing. He claims he can continue paying attention. The problem is that even without this distraction, he's not the best at interacting about topics he didn't himself bring up. I'll tell him something and he doesn't have a natural instinct to respond. I know it sounds strange, but he is a well-functioning adult with some good friendships. He's tried to get better about responding when I'm talking to him, but his natural state really seems to be to just listen without responding.
I've told him over and over that I need him to fight his instinct to start playing guitar when I'm talking, but every time he gets annoyed or frustrated. He's been accommodating with other requests but he doesn't seem to understand how important this is to me. And for a person who's already not great at some conversations, adding a distraction makes it even worse!
I'm open to the possibility that I also need to make some changes in this. I've already tried to give him fewer details when explaining situations, and he definitely has plenty of time when he can play guitar (I encourage his hobby). Any suggestions about either what I can request from him (since just asking him goes nowhere) or how I can change my thinking about this (if necessary) or anything at all would be helpful. | The combination of my husband's poor conversation skills and often playing guitar while I'm talking to him make me feel I'm not being listened to or respected. |
t3_4f705i | relationships | I [20F] had the Depo-Provera shot and now I'm an awful person. How can I make sure my relationships survive this? | I was on the pill and had no problems on it but found it difficult to remember to take it every day. When I mentioned this to my doctor (about an month ago) he recommended the Depo shot instead, and administered it there and then. It was brilliant, for all of two days. Since then, I've been bleeding non-stop, I'm always tired, I can't concentrate, I've been experiencing migraines with aura and near-constant headaches. My sex drive is zero. I've always had a short temper but I'm getting very angry, very fast, about really dumb shit. In short, I'm currently a horrible person to be around.
Apparently there's no way of reversing the shot so I just have to wait it out, which according to manufacturer should be 2-3 months after my second shot for the hormones to totally leave my system, so I'm stuck until August at the earliest (and I've read anecdotes online about side effects persisting for 18 months afterwards, but I don't want to consider that right now). So it's up to me to manage this as best I can until then. My poor boyfriend has been bearing the brunt of me being either asleep, grumpy because I'm not asleep/I'm in pain, and snappy. [**TMI bit here**] I don't want sex anywhere near as much as usual, and even then I'm dry as the sahara desert [**TMI over**]. He's being wonderfully patient and helpful but I'm sure he can't do it forever. This is the best relationship I've ever been in and I don't want to ruin it over this! I'm also taking it out on my parents, siblings, friends... basically everyone except the cat, and she's probably next. I have exams in a month so obviously the headaches and inability to concentrate are a huge problem.
Does anyone have any advice about coping mechanisms? Anything that might help me concentrate? A way to ensure my relationships survive this? Or just commiserate, I'm feeling a bit isolated because of this. Thank you! | I had the Depo-Provera shot and now I'm a miserable bitch. How can I make this easier on everyone around me? |
t3_4v5lzh | Advice | Bad landlord potentially putting us in danger... | Hi there. I live in a house in San Francisco that has 3 total tenants in it. There is a bottom floor, a middle floor, and a top floor house all with separate addresses. I and 4 other people live on the top floor. We recently got new neighbors in the bottom most floor who have decided to start renting their room out to random people via Airbnb. This to me seems incredibly unsafe. We were never approached or asked about this and to me it seems liek a major safety liability. All of us live in this place together and there are a couple communal spaces in the building (garage, entryway, stairs to the tenants, etc) We have all been scared of this because we felt it would not be hard for someone to rent their Airbnb and come up to our place or the middle floors place to break in and steal stuff or potential hurt us. I emailed my landlord about this concern and he said that they "have been in discussions regarding this matter. They seem to want to take a legal route with me, and we are headed down that way. Overall, there's not much that I can do to curtail their pursuit." This seems like total bullshit to me because it is his house and he should have the power to say yes or no to this sort of thing. And it turns out we were right. As we were coming home tonight it looks like someone has broken into the middle floor apartment and the police are here. Before this the only people with access to anywhere in the house would be the tenants living on the floors but we have no idea who these Airbnb people are so we have no idea of knowing who could've broken in. My worst fears are right. How do I deal with this situation? | my neighbors started allowing Airbnb guests in a house that we share without consulting us and i am concerned for our safety and my landlord is a real lazy piece of shit about it. |
t3_wr1jf | dating_advice | Have I ruined my chances? Did I even have a chance to begin with? | I'm 24/m, using a reddit account different from my usual one to ensure I remain anonymous. Over the past few months I've become very close with a friend of mine who's 21/f, who I find very attractive. I'm a very inexperienced virgin while she's polyamorous and has had many partners, as far as I can tell. We share similar interests and have been hanging out a lot lately. We go to a lot of punk shows, I take her to films from time to time, and I go over to her house where sometimes she cooks us food.
Tonight I was over at her place. She made us food and we talked, then went and watched a movie in her room. Turns out she's had some health issues as of late, and she's met this new guy who's swept her off of her feet but she's not giving up her other poly relationships. Anyway I pick the movie and foolishly pick one that's excessively long. At the end of the movie I say goodbye to her and we hug fairly intimately, as per usual. I ask her if I could kiss her, and she said no.
I'm not sure what to make of this, but I know it's not good. I didn't ask why she didn't want to and she didn't seem to act as if it were a big deal. Maybe it wasn't for her, but it was for me, as it took me months to get the courage up to ask her even that. Maybe if I had just gone in for it and not asked it would have been fine. I've heard, though, that if you can't read the signals in that type of situation (and I can't) that's best to just ask. I don't know whether or not she didn't want to kiss me because it was a bad time or if she doesn't like me like that. It just sucks, because asinine as I sound, I really, really like this girl. | Spent an evening with a girl I'm attracted to and have a good raport with, asked her to kiss me and she said no, saddened and confused. |
t3_teogj | AskReddit | I called out a scammer, can they get me back? | Hey,
I've been looking for an apartment in another country for a couple months now. I found a listing that looked great - almost too great. I exchanged emails with the owner and while their english was a bit poor, it's another country and I kind of expected that. Then little things started adding up and this morning I confirmed (through calling the actual owner of the apartment, who I found online) that this was a scam. I went ahead and alerted the actual owner so they could track down he false listing from the real estate website I found it on.
Well, I was a bit angry at wasting all my time and I sent an email to the scammer, essentially saying "sorry, but I found a great deal on another apartment" and linked to the actual rental. In a friendly way I also asked about some of their backstory, asking questions I know they can't answer. Essentially, it looks polite and friendly, like our other emails at a glance, but I'm calling him out on his bullshit and hoping he sweats.
In all honesty, would this piss a scammer off enough to send me a virus or anything? It was rash and now I'm half regretting it. He has my email information, some info on where I'm a student and where I'll be working in said foreign country. Could this be a problem? And if it is, how could I fix it?
Fyi, this is my first time renting an apartment, I've lived in dorms or at home up until now so I'm kind of proud of myself for catching this since I have zero experience with rentals. | I caught a rental scammer and sent back a catty email calling him out. He has my email and some details on where I'm a student and where I'll be working in his country, could this be a problem? |
t3_442ilx | dogs | [HELP] my 6.5yr old all of a sudden is nasty to most other dogs | He's been socialized (a lot) since the day after he got his final shots way back when he was around 6 months old. When he turned 4 or so, he was more into playing fetch than playing with other dogs at the park. He still would play with dogs he already knew however. Ok so now what has changed? Last April I got a puppy, 5 yrs younger than him. They get along great, he puts the younger one in check sometimes but never bites or gets too aggresive. In July he was attacked from behind by a younger female dog, she bit into his leg pretty well and he almost bled out. We got past that, still not much of a change at parks though. Then in December a 2nd dog attacked him, this time though he was able to bite the dog back. Now anytime we're at a dog park and he is chewing on a stick, a piece of ice, a ball, and another dog goes anywhere near him, he lunges at them and tries to attack. I've been keeping an eye on him closely though so none of these turned into bites. Is he basically done as far as dog parks? Time to retire him? He's such a sweet dog in all other ways. Figured I'd ask here before dropping money on dog behavior specialists. | 6.5yr old dog has been cool with other dogs, now has a lil bro and been bitten by two other dogs and has stopped playing nice since 2nd attack |
t3_2on8nw | relationships | Me [25 M] with my [24 F] of 5 years, share an apartment and cat together but just broke up. | My girlfriend and I broke up last night, and it was kind of a mess. It was somewhat mutual and I truly harbor no bad feelings against her. We grew apart, she needs to work through some problems that she had.
The huge issue is that we both live together, and I've never gone through a co-habitation breakup. I own most of the furniture, and I'll probably be the one keeping the apartment because I'm not seeing how she'd afford it. We have a cat that we both love, but I'm guessing she'll be staying with me as well.
My questions:
- How long is too long to live with an ex? Do we set a move-out date?
- Is it okay to share a bed? I know that sounds stupid, but I don't see anything happening in there. Really.
- How much do I help her move? I obviously care a lot about her but I'm not sure what protocol is.
- I don't have the option of breaking this lease (would be about $4,000), what are some simple things I can do to convert our apartment from our home as a couple, to a place of my own? Literally everything reminds me of her and it's pretty heart breaking.
- General advice | I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years, how do we un-cohabitate? (It's a sad breakup, but neither of us are angry) |