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All Ricks: What the hell is wrong with you two!? I—I m—I m—I mean you four!? All Ricks: Good I'm glad it was painful. You do deserve it! I saw you, you're both all over the damn place. We've been split for twenty minutes and your lives are already scattered to the quantum fucking wind? What the hell do either of you have to be so uncertain about? Your brand of zit cream? Which chair to sit in while I do everything? Come on, spit it out! All Mortys: Well you don't exactly make it easy, Rick! Morty 1: You make fun of me all the time and now Summer's doing it too! Morty 2: You're always picking on me and now you got someone to kiss your ass! Summer 1: Me? What about you? Would you get more excited to see me fail? You want Grampa all to yourself! All Ricks:

All Ricks: What the hell is wrong with you two!? I—I m—I m—I mean you four!? All Ricks: Good I'm glad it was painful. You do deserve it! I saw you, you're both all over the damn place. We've been split for twenty minutes and your lives are already scattered to the quantum fucking wind? What the hell do either of you have to be so uncertain about? Your brand of zit cream? Which chair to sit in while I do everything? Come on, spit it out! All Mortys: Well you don't exactly make it easy, Rick! Morty 1: You make fun of me all the time and now Summer's doing it too! Morty 2: You're always picking on me and now you got someone to kiss your ass! Summer 1: Me? What about you? Would you get more excited to see me fail? You want Grampa all to yourself! All Ricks: Alright, cool it, I see what's happening here. You're both young, you're both unsure about your place in the universe, you both wanna be “Grampa's favorite.” I can fix this. Morty sit here, Summer, you sit here. Now listen, I know the two of you are very different from each other in a lot of ways, but you have to understand that as far as Grampa's concerned, you're both pieces of shit. Yeah, I can prove it mathematically. Actually, let me grab my whiteboard. This has been a long time coming anyway.

Alright, cool it, I see what's happening here. You're both young, you're both unsure about your place in the universe, you both wanna be “Grampa's favorite.” I can fix this. Morty sit here, Summer, you sit here. Now listen, I know the two of you are very different from each other in a lot of ways, but you have to understand that as far as Grampa's concerned, you're both pieces of shit. Yeah, I can prove it mathematically. Actually, let me grab my whiteboard. This has been a long time coming anyway.

Rick: There's ways to get back home, Morty. It's just it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle. We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're gonna have to do me a real solid. Morty: Uh-oh. Rick: When we get to customs, I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the bathroom, and I'm gonna need you to put them way up inside your butthole, Morty. Morty: In my butt? Rick: Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick. I really don't want to have to do that. Rick:

Rick: There's ways to get back home, Morty. It's just it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle. We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're gonna have to do me a real solid. Morty: Uh-oh. Rick: When we get to customs, I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the bathroom, and I'm gonna need you to put them way up inside your butthole, Morty. Morty: In my butt? Rick: Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick. I really don't want to have to do that. Rick: Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty. Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through customs unless they're in someone's rectum, Morty

Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty. Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through customs unless they're in someone's rectum, Morty

Rick: Because we're both rational adults that don't want anything bad to happen. And because I have a human shield. Mr. Goldenfold: Mrs. Pancakes! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! Rick: Oh, no, Morty. His subconscious is panicking. Rick: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoooooaaaa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoooooaaaa! Morty: Whooooa! Whoooooooa! Whoa! Whooooooooaaaaa! Morty: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Rick:

Rick: Because we're both rational adults that don't want anything bad to happen. And because I have a human shield. Mr. Goldenfold: Mrs. Pancakes! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! Rick: Oh, no, Morty. His subconscious is panicking. Rick: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoooooaaaa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoooooaaaa! Morty: Whooooa! Whoooooooa! Whoa! Whooooooooaaaaa! Morty: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Rick: Relax, Morty. Look! Mrs. Pancakes has a parachute. Come on!

Relax, Morty. Look! Mrs. Pancakes has a parachute. Come on!

All Ricks: Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, Morty. Like literally no time. Look around. Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable. Eventually everything either is or isn't. And we've got about four hours to be “is”. Morty 1: Or... Morty 2: Or? All Ricks: We “isn't” All Ricks: Alright, since this time crystal exists in both possibilities, and since it's impossible that I didn't nail this, I'm probably about to press this button in both possibilities at exactly the same time. All Ricks: Whatever you're asking, the answer is I'm amazing. And away we go! Rick:

All Ricks: Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, Morty. Like literally no time. Look around. Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable. Eventually everything either is or isn't. And we've got about four hours to be “is”. Morty 1: Or... Morty 2: Or? All Ricks: We “isn't” All Ricks: Alright, since this time crystal exists in both possibilities, and since it's impossible that I didn't nail this, I'm probably about to press this button in both possibilities at exactly the same time. All Ricks: Whatever you're asking, the answer is I'm amazing. And away we go! Rick: Huh, what do you know, it's working

Huh, what do you know, it's working

Supernova: STOP! Rick: Oof! Didn't see that comin'. Supernova: Is that sarcasm?! I don't want you slipping away then this is over! All of these deaths are on your hands! Rick: Oh, come on, maybe a couple of them, but definitely not the train guy. Supernova: All of them. Rick: O-kayyy... Drunk Rick:

Supernova: STOP! Rick: Oof! Didn't see that comin'. Supernova: Is that sarcasm?! I don't want you slipping away then this is over! All of these deaths are on your hands! Rick: Oh, come on, maybe a couple of them, but definitely not the train guy. Supernova: All of them. Rick: O-kayyy... Drunk Rick: Congrats, you did it!

Congrats, you did it!

Beth: Weird breed. Rick: Man, I missed having hands and blood and a stomach. Beth: Really? Like, go somewhere? Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on. Rick: Absolutely. Morty: I, I liked her. Beth: So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? Maybe Shoney's? Rick:

Beth: Weird breed. Rick: Man, I missed having hands and blood and a stomach. Beth: Really? Like, go somewhere? Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on. Rick: Absolutely. Morty: I, I liked her. Beth: So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? Maybe Shoney's? Rick: Yeah, either one. Either one.

Yeah, either one. Either one.

Morty: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Rick: Relax, Morty. Look! Mrs. Pancakes has a parachute. Come on! Mrs. Pancakes: Hey, you don't know me! Morty: Oh, no, Rick, look! Goldenfold landed the plane, and he's created a mechanical arm to pluck Mrs. Pancakes out of the air while he lets us fall - into a giant vat of lava! Rick: Pretty concise, Morty. Looks like we've merely prolonged the inevitable. That's it, Morty! Prolonging the inevitable! Listen, if we go into Mrs. Pancakes' dream, everything will go 100 times slower, Morty. That'll buy us some time to figure this out! Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know m- Rick:

Morty: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Rick: Relax, Morty. Look! Mrs. Pancakes has a parachute. Come on! Mrs. Pancakes: Hey, you don't know me! Morty: Oh, no, Rick, look! Goldenfold landed the plane, and he's created a mechanical arm to pluck Mrs. Pancakes out of the air while he lets us fall - into a giant vat of lava! Rick: Pretty concise, Morty. Looks like we've merely prolonged the inevitable. That's it, Morty! Prolonging the inevitable! Listen, if we go into Mrs. Pancakes' dream, everything will go 100 times slower, Morty. That'll buy us some time to figure this out! Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know m- Rick: All right, let's go.

All right, let's go.

Snuffles: Aaaawwaaaaawaawa! Jerry: Aw, he's saying "I love lasagna". Snuffles: Ooooyayawawa! Summer: He's saying "I love Obama". So cute! I'm posting this online, like, right now. Jerry: I should call Bob Saget. Is that still a thing? Snuffles: Hmm? Rick:

Snuffles: Aaaawwaaaaawaawa! Jerry: Aw, he's saying "I love lasagna". Snuffles: Ooooyayawawa! Summer: He's saying "I love Obama". So cute! I'm posting this online, like, right now. Jerry: I should call Bob Saget. Is that still a thing? Snuffles: Hmm? Rick: Goldenfold, we're coming out! We just want to talk!

Goldenfold, we're coming out! We just want to talk!

Summer: He's in prison. Morty: Summer. Summer: He got captured by the Federation and we were going to rescue him. Summer: Boo-yah! Summer: Boo-nah? Young Rick: Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt. Young Rick:

Summer: He's in prison. Morty: Summer. Summer: He got captured by the Federation and we were going to rescue him. Summer: Boo-yah! Summer: Boo-nah? Young Rick: Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt. Young Rick: Nooooooo!

Nooooooo!

Rick: I came to kill you, bro. That's not even my original Summer. Summer: Oh, my God. He's not bluffing. He's not bluffing! Morty: R-Rick? Riq IV: Why not shoot through her? Rick: 20 yards, nine-gauge plasma pistol, My first shot would liquify her insides and injure you, second shot adds recoil. The risk to me is minimized if I wait for you to shoot her, which I'm encouraging you to do. Summer: What the fuck? Rick:

Rick: I came to kill you, bro. That's not even my original Summer. Summer: Oh, my God. He's not bluffing. He's not bluffing! Morty: R-Rick? Riq IV: Why not shoot through her? Rick: 20 yards, nine-gauge plasma pistol, My first shot would liquify her insides and injure you, second shot adds recoil. The risk to me is minimized if I wait for you to shoot her, which I'm encouraging you to do. Summer: What the fuck? Rick: Or let her go, which I will reward with a quicker death.

Or let her go, which I will reward with a quicker death.

Beth: Morty, Mom's talking. I'm sorry, I suppose that's a good segue into our little discipline cases here. Dr. Wong: Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot? Beth: What? No, what kind of question is that? Dr. Wong: The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way. Beth: Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these. No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before. He's unpredictable and eccentric. The whole family is. Speaking of which... Dr. Wong: Okay, let's open things up to the whole family, and let me ask this. Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle? Pickle Rick:

Beth: Morty, Mom's talking. I'm sorry, I suppose that's a good segue into our little discipline cases here. Dr. Wong: Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot? Beth: What? No, what kind of question is that? Dr. Wong: The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way. Beth: Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these. No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before. He's unpredictable and eccentric. The whole family is. Speaking of which... Dr. Wong: Okay, let's open things up to the whole family, and let me ask this. Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle? Pickle Rick: Wow. Ugh.

Wow. Ugh.

Rick: Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything? Morty: Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick. Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick. Rick: Worst-case scenario we're back to running. Morty: Wow, you know what? I mean, it looks like we could have just hid this whole time. Boy, Rick, that was some good thinking. Rick: Thanks, Morty. Yeah, it's nice to be on the same page every once in a while. Scary Terry: You can run But you can't hide! Rick:

Rick: Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything? Morty: Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick. Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick. Rick: Worst-case scenario we're back to running. Morty: Wow, you know what? I mean, it looks like we could have just hid this whole time. Boy, Rick, that was some good thinking. Rick: Thanks, Morty. Yeah, it's nice to be on the same page every once in a while. Scary Terry: You can run But you can't hide! Rick: Oh, this is perfect, Morty. Look at that. He's getting sleepy. Just a little bit longer before he calls it a day. That's when we make our move.

Oh, this is perfect, Morty. Look at that. He's getting sleepy. Just a little bit longer before he calls it a day. That's when we make our move.

Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer! Alan: Nice shot. Million Ants: Thank you. Alan: You two make quite a team. Supernova: We all do. Alan: Yeah, I guess. Drunk Rick:

Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer! Alan: Nice shot. Million Ants: Thank you. Alan: You two make quite a team. Supernova: We all do. Alan: Yeah, I guess. Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer!

That's a three-pointer!

Jessica: You're Morty, right? Morty: Yeah. Rick: You can get his number later. Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here. You got to get those seeds out of your ass. Jerry: Oh, look, honey. It's our son with Albert Ein-douche. Beth: What? Jerry: I'm an angry father, not an improviser. Rick:

Jessica: You're Morty, right? Morty: Yeah. Rick: You can get his number later. Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here. You got to get those seeds out of your ass. Jerry: Oh, look, honey. It's our son with Albert Ein-douche. Beth: What? Jerry: I'm an angry father, not an improviser. Rick: Oh, hi, Jerry. Oh, my goodness, Morty! What are you doing out of class? We talked about this. Your-your parents and I are very disappointed in-in this behavior... No? No takers?

Oh, hi, Jerry. Oh, my goodness, Morty! What are you doing out of class? We talked about this. Your-your parents and I are very disappointed in-in this behavior... No? No takers?

Rick: Get off of me, Morty! Morty: I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy! I'm put—I’m, I'm, I'm, I'm puttin’... I-I’m, I’m, I’m not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb... dumb person and just le-let you ruin the whole world! Rick: Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don’t you marry it? What are you, crazy? Alright, alright, Morty. Rick: Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden. Rick: We'll park it right here, Morty. Right here on the side of the ree... road here. Morty: Oh, thank god. Rick:

Rick: Get off of me, Morty! Morty: I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy! I'm put—I’m, I'm, I'm, I'm puttin’... I-I’m, I’m, I’m not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb... dumb person and just le-let you ruin the whole world! Rick: Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don’t you marry it? What are you, crazy? Alright, alright, Morty. Rick: Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden. Rick: We'll park it right here, Morty. Right here on the side of the ree... road here. Morty: Oh, thank god. Rick: You know what? That was all a test, Morty. Just an elaborate test to make you more assertive.

You know what? That was all a test, Morty. Just an elaborate test to make you more assertive.

Morty: What do you say, Rick? Rick: I say… Let’s do it! Rick: All right! Morty: Ohhhh yeahhhh! Rick: Come on, here we go! Morty: Ohhhh yeahhhh! Rick:

Morty: What do you say, Rick? Rick: I say… Let’s do it! Rick: All right! Morty: Ohhhh yeahhhh! Rick: Come on, here we go! Morty: Ohhhh yeahhhh! Rick: Say it with me!

Say it with me!

Alien Doctor: It's perfect! The configuration of veins, the ratio of thickness to elasticity, the delicate asymmetry of what you call "your balls". With relatively few adjustments, your genitals can be molded into a working heart for the most important man in the universe! Jerry: Yeah, but, I mean- Jerry: Alright! That's enough. You're talking about my species! We understand genocide, we do it sometimes! Jerry: Yes I will! That's right, assholes, take my penis, TAKE IT ALL! And tell Shrimply Pimples that when the galaxy came calling Jerry Smith from Earth didn't flinch! Rick: Hey, what's wrong Morty? Oh, you're worried about your dad, huh? Morty: Huh? Uh, no no no, I'm-I'm just looking at that lady getting coffee. What's up with her face? Is she a human or is she like Worf. You know Worf, from Star Trek, where he has the shit all over his face but he's just a human in a costume, you know? Rick:

Alien Doctor: It's perfect! The configuration of veins, the ratio of thickness to elasticity, the delicate asymmetry of what you call "your balls". With relatively few adjustments, your genitals can be molded into a working heart for the most important man in the universe! Jerry: Yeah, but, I mean- Jerry: Alright! That's enough. You're talking about my species! We understand genocide, we do it sometimes! Jerry: Yes I will! That's right, assholes, take my penis, TAKE IT ALL! And tell Shrimply Pimples that when the galaxy came calling Jerry Smith from Earth didn't flinch! Rick: Hey, what's wrong Morty? Oh, you're worried about your dad, huh? Morty: Huh? Uh, no no no, I'm-I'm just looking at that lady getting coffee. What's up with her face? Is she a human or is she like Worf. You know Worf, from Star Trek, where he has the shit all over his face but he's just a human in a costume, you know? Rick: Morty let's-let's see what else is on.

Morty let's-let's see what else is on.

Cornvelious Daniel: Awesome-possum. Mission Control, you getting this? Cornvelious Daniel: Yeah! Thanks, Rick. I'll try to remember to shut off the brainalyzer. Actually, I think it shuts off automatically once your brain is liquid. Don't know, don't care. Pull me out. Hey, pull me out! Can you hear me? Rick: Nope, they cannot. Cornvelious Daniel: Why not? Rick: Because the code you just uploaded wasn't actually my portal-gun formula, it was a virus giving me full control over the brainalyzer. Cornvelious Daniel: What are you talking about? This is a memory. Y-You can't alter details of a memory. Rick:

Cornvelious Daniel: Awesome-possum. Mission Control, you getting this? Cornvelious Daniel: Yeah! Thanks, Rick. I'll try to remember to shut off the brainalyzer. Actually, I think it shuts off automatically once your brain is liquid. Don't know, don't care. Pull me out. Hey, pull me out! Can you hear me? Rick: Nope, they cannot. Cornvelious Daniel: Why not? Rick: Because the code you just uploaded wasn't actually my portal-gun formula, it was a virus giving me full control over the brainalyzer. Cornvelious Daniel: What are you talking about? This is a memory. Y-You can't alter details of a memory. Rick: True, but you can alter anything you want about a totally fabricated origin story.

True, but you can alter anything you want about a totally fabricated origin story.

Summer: Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced. Rick: Shut up, Summer. Rick: Who the fuck is Noob-Noob? Rick: Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis? Morty: Ready as I’ll ever be, Rick! Rick: Oh, for fuck’s sake. Rick:

Summer: Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced. Rick: Shut up, Summer. Rick: Who the fuck is Noob-Noob? Rick: Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis? Morty: Ready as I’ll ever be, Rick! Rick: Oh, for fuck’s sake. Rick: What are you, stupid? We’re done with the Citadel of Ricks. I was never on board with it in the first place, that’s why I murdered everyone in charge and left it to rot.

What are you, stupid? We’re done with the Citadel of Ricks. I was never on board with it in the first place, that’s why I murdered everyone in charge and left it to rot.

Rick: Where the fuck is the lead wire?! Morty: You always put it in the weirdest place! Um, uh, over here, maybe? Rick: Jesus Christ, what a shitty neutrino bomb. it's a miracle I actually every destroy anything. Morty: Oh, I don't know. You managed to destroy just about everything today; the villains, the heroes, the lines between them, my childhood... Rick: Thank you. I appreciate it, Morty. I know you were sucking the Kool-Aid out of the Vindicators' dicks, so the fact that I was right about them must be pretty hard to admit. Morty: Yeah, it is. You know why, Rick? Because when you're an asshole, it doesn't matter how right you are, nobody wants to give you the satisfaction. Rick:

Rick: Where the fuck is the lead wire?! Morty: You always put it in the weirdest place! Um, uh, over here, maybe? Rick: Jesus Christ, what a shitty neutrino bomb. it's a miracle I actually every destroy anything. Morty: Oh, I don't know. You managed to destroy just about everything today; the villains, the heroes, the lines between them, my childhood... Rick: Thank you. I appreciate it, Morty. I know you were sucking the Kool-Aid out of the Vindicators' dicks, so the fact that I was right about them must be pretty hard to admit. Morty: Yeah, it is. You know why, Rick? Because when you're an asshole, it doesn't matter how right you are, nobody wants to give you the satisfaction. Rick: I know. Everyone wants people they like to be right. That's why popular people are fucking dumb. And why your pretentious, poorly-written, high-budget friends back there can a eat a double-decker shit sandwich. Disarmed.

I know. Everyone wants people they like to be right. That's why popular people are fucking dumb. And why your pretentious, poorly-written, high-budget friends back there can a eat a double-decker shit sandwich. Disarmed.

Morty: 1.77245385... Whoa! Beth: What the hell? Jerry: Holy crap. He's right. Rick: Morty, tell your parents the first law of Thermodynamics. Morty: "The increment in the internal energy of a system is equal to the increment of heat supplied to the system." Wow! I'm so smart! Jerry: But— Rick:

Morty: 1.77245385... Whoa! Beth: What the hell? Jerry: Holy crap. He's right. Rick: Morty, tell your parents the first law of Thermodynamics. Morty: "The increment in the internal energy of a system is equal to the increment of heat supplied to the system." Wow! I'm so smart! Jerry: But— Rick: I told the both of you school is stupid. It's not how you learn things. Morty's a gifted child. He has a special mind. That's why he's my little helper. He's like me. He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life. He's too smart for school. He needs to keep hanging out and helping me.

I told the both of you school is stupid. It's not how you learn things. Morty's a gifted child. He has a special mind. That's why he's my little helper. He's like me. He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life. He's too smart for school. He needs to keep hanging out and helping me.

Jerry: But, Beth, what kind of man would say something like that if the universe needed his penis!?! Beth: Well, Jerry, what kind of wife would I be if I did anything to stand in your way? Rick: Anyway, that's how I escaped from space prison! Oh, scary place. Morty: Wow, Rick! That's -- That's one -- one heck of a story. I sure do wish I could have been there to see it happen. Rick: Oh, come on. Who wants to watch a mad scientist use handmade sci-fi tools to take out highly trained alien guards when we can sit here and be a family at Shoney's? Beth: Dad, it's great to have you back, no matter where we are, but wouldn't you like to go home? Rick:

Jerry: But, Beth, what kind of man would say something like that if the universe needed his penis!?! Beth: Well, Jerry, what kind of wife would I be if I did anything to stand in your way? Rick: Anyway, that's how I escaped from space prison! Oh, scary place. Morty: Wow, Rick! That's -- That's one -- one heck of a story. I sure do wish I could have been there to see it happen. Rick: Oh, come on. Who wants to watch a mad scientist use handmade sci-fi tools to take out highly trained alien guards when we can sit here and be a family at Shoney's? Beth: Dad, it's great to have you back, no matter where we are, but wouldn't you like to go home? Rick: Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home.

Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home.

Morty: Oh, man, what's going on? Rick: Well, it's possible that your dog became self-aware and made modifications on the cognition amplifier, then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after learning about humanity's cruel subjugation of his species, but your guess is as good as mine, Morty. Jerry: I can't believe how mean snuffles got just because he's smart. Summer: This is why I choose to get C's. Rick: Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer. Morty: - Dad! - Rick! Rick:

Morty: Oh, man, what's going on? Rick: Well, it's possible that your dog became self-aware and made modifications on the cognition amplifier, then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after learning about humanity's cruel subjugation of his species, but your guess is as good as mine, Morty. Jerry: I can't believe how mean snuffles got just because he's smart. Summer: This is why I choose to get C's. Rick: Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer. Morty: - Dad! - Rick! Rick: If we hurry we can set up camp in a sewer tunnel or something before the dogs completely take over.

If we hurry we can set up camp in a sewer tunnel or something before the dogs completely take over.

All Ricks: Whatever you're asking, the answer is I'm amazing. And away we go! Rick: Huh, what do you know, it's working Summer 1: Ow, ow ouch! Morty 2: Whoa, ow, ow. Rick: Oh shit. All Ricks: What the hell is wrong with you two!? I—I m—I m—I mean you four!? All Ricks:

All Ricks: Whatever you're asking, the answer is I'm amazing. And away we go! Rick: Huh, what do you know, it's working Summer 1: Ow, ow ouch! Morty 2: Whoa, ow, ow. Rick: Oh shit. All Ricks: What the hell is wrong with you two!? I—I m—I m—I mean you four!? All Ricks: Good I'm glad it was painful. You do deserve it! I saw you, you're both all over the damn place. We've been split for twenty minutes and your lives are already scattered to the quantum fucking wind? What the hell do either of you have to be so uncertain about? Your brand of zit cream? Which chair to sit in while I do everything? Come on, spit it out!

Good I'm glad it was painful. You do deserve it! I saw you, you're both all over the damn place. We've been split for twenty minutes and your lives are already scattered to the quantum fucking wind? What the hell do either of you have to be so uncertain about? Your brand of zit cream? Which chair to sit in while I do everything? Come on, spit it out!

President: All right, all right. Thank you, Mr. Sanchez. Change of plan, people. Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman, Billy Corgan, and The-Dream. The-Dream? He wrote “Umbrella” and “Single Ladies”? You people haven’t heard of The-Dream? Rick: You’re gonna wanna put them on that giant speaker system at your sonic testing facility at Area 51. Nathan: How do you know about that? President: For God’s sake, Nathan, the man turns people into snakes. He can use Google Maps. President: What? How is that possible? Do people just die when I name them? President: Dear God. Rick:

President: All right, all right. Thank you, Mr. Sanchez. Change of plan, people. Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman, Billy Corgan, and The-Dream. The-Dream? He wrote “Umbrella” and “Single Ladies”? You people haven’t heard of The-Dream? Rick: You’re gonna wanna put them on that giant speaker system at your sonic testing facility at Area 51. Nathan: How do you know about that? President: For God’s sake, Nathan, the man turns people into snakes. He can use Google Maps. President: What? How is that possible? Do people just die when I name them? President: Dear God. Rick: Good luck, Mr. President.

Good luck, Mr. President.

Beth: Why would you keep mutant bacteria in a pint of Cherry Garcia? Rick: I know this isn't the time, but, you know, technically the second freezer drawer is mine. Beth: Not anymore. Rick: You're overreacting! Rick: Alright fine, but you're not touching my CRISPR. Summer: Is he going to die? Rick:

Beth: Why would you keep mutant bacteria in a pint of Cherry Garcia? Rick: I know this isn't the time, but, you know, technically the second freezer drawer is mine. Beth: Not anymore. Rick: You're overreacting! Rick: Alright fine, but you're not touching my CRISPR. Summer: Is he going to die? Rick: What? Every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the galaxy. It's like those pizza places that claim to have the best pizza in the world. What- Do you think they have pizza contests? Have you ever been to a pizza contest?

What? Every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the galaxy. It's like those pizza places that claim to have the best pizza in the world. What- Do you think they have pizza contests? Have you ever been to a pizza contest?

Pickle Rick: Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants and Summer snorting glue or whatever... Beth: She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it. Pickle Rick: Well, there was so much more at stake. I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist. Summer: Are we gonna go back? Pickle Rick: Sweetie, could I get Get that syringe now? Beth: Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it's in my purse. Oh, I'm sorry. You must be in agony. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants and Summer snorting glue or whatever... Beth: She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it. Pickle Rick: Well, there was so much more at stake. I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist. Summer: Are we gonna go back? Pickle Rick: Sweetie, could I get Get that syringe now? Beth: Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it's in my purse. Oh, I'm sorry. You must be in agony. Pickle Rick: Eh.

Eh.

Rick: What new- what new machine? Rick: Run, Morty! Run! Morty: Aaaaaah! Morty: Ohhhhh! Morty: Ohhhhhh! Morty: Aaaaah! Rick:

Rick: What new- what new machine? Rick: Run, Morty! Run! Morty: Aaaaaah! Morty: Ohhhhh! Morty: Ohhhhhh! Morty: Aaaaah! Rick: Don't think about it!

Don't think about it!

Morty: I don't care about Jessica! Y-Yyyyyyyyyyou— Rick: You know what, Morty? You're right. Let's forget the girl altogether. She, she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways. Morty: That's it... that's it, Rick. I'm taking the wheel. Rick: Get off of me, Morty! Morty: I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy! I'm put—I’m, I'm, I'm, I'm puttin’... I-I’m, I’m, I’m not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb... dumb person and just le-let you ruin the whole world! Rick: Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don’t you marry it? What are you, crazy? Alright, alright, Morty. Rick:

Morty: I don't care about Jessica! Y-Yyyyyyyyyyou— Rick: You know what, Morty? You're right. Let's forget the girl altogether. She, she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways. Morty: That's it... that's it, Rick. I'm taking the wheel. Rick: Get off of me, Morty! Morty: I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy! I'm put—I’m, I'm, I'm, I'm puttin’... I-I’m, I’m, I’m not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb... dumb person and just le-let you ruin the whole world! Rick: Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don’t you marry it? What are you, crazy? Alright, alright, Morty. Rick: Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden.

Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden.

Principal Vagina: I’m the only one that speaks to the heads! Cromulon: DISQUALIFIED! Mr. Goldenfold: The heads disqualified Vagina! Get him! Cromulon: DISQUALIFIED! DISQUALIFIED! Ice-T: That’s right, it’s me, Ice-T! I care now! You made me care more! With all due respect, I’d like to hear what Rick and Morty have to play. Morty: What do you say, Rick? Rick:

Principal Vagina: I’m the only one that speaks to the heads! Cromulon: DISQUALIFIED! Mr. Goldenfold: The heads disqualified Vagina! Get him! Cromulon: DISQUALIFIED! DISQUALIFIED! Ice-T: That’s right, it’s me, Ice-T! I care now! You made me care more! With all due respect, I’d like to hear what Rick and Morty have to play. Morty: What do you say, Rick? Rick: I say… Let’s do it!

I say… Let’s do it!

All Ricks: Alright both of you, just don't move, don't speak, don't think. I have to check something. Summer 1: What should we do Morty? Morty 1: Let's see if he needs help. Morty 2: What do you mean you're gonna help him. Summer 1: Ugh, I can help too. All Summers: What's happening Grampa? All Ricks:

All Ricks: Alright both of you, just don't move, don't speak, don't think. I have to check something. Summer 1: What should we do Morty? Morty 1: Let's see if he needs help. Morty 2: What do you mean you're gonna help him. Summer 1: Ugh, I can help too. All Summers: What's happening Grampa? All Ricks: Shut up! Oh crap are you kidding me? Two dots? This never needs to be more than one dot. The two of you made us uncertain!

Shut up! Oh crap are you kidding me? Two dots? This never needs to be more than one dot. The two of you made us uncertain!

Jerry: Look, I-I'm not proud to share this, but the truth is, I just kept crawling, and it kept working. Oh, I'm glad you're okay. Are we ever going to stop paying for indulging your father? Our children, our planet, our jobs? Is there anything left to lose? Beth: Just each other, and I'll never let you go. And I'm so sorry I ever did this to us. Rick: Guess who dismantled the government? Beth: Please don't leave me again. Rick: I never will, baby. Summer: I was right. He turned himself in on purpose. It was all part of his plan! Rick:

Jerry: Look, I-I'm not proud to share this, but the truth is, I just kept crawling, and it kept working. Oh, I'm glad you're okay. Are we ever going to stop paying for indulging your father? Our children, our planet, our jobs? Is there anything left to lose? Beth: Just each other, and I'll never let you go. And I'm so sorry I ever did this to us. Rick: Guess who dismantled the government? Beth: Please don't leave me again. Rick: I never will, baby. Summer: I was right. He turned himself in on purpose. It was all part of his plan! Rick: Jerry, is there any light beer left? It's insane what you miss in prison.

Jerry, is there any light beer left? It's insane what you miss in prison.

Supernova: Obviously? You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk, you don't remember doing it? That's something obvious to you? Rick: Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours. Drunk Rick: ...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game. Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators? Rick: Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack. Drunk Rick: If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in "Sawwww". Rick:

Supernova: Obviously? You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk, you don't remember doing it? That's something obvious to you? Rick: Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours. Drunk Rick: ...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game. Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators? Rick: Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack. Drunk Rick: If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in "Sawwww". Rick: Well, I-I-I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this.

Well, I-I-I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this.

Cornvelious Daniel: Where are we going? Rick: To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything. Rick: Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan," where they -- where they -- they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory. Cornvelious Daniel: Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting. Rick: Okay. All right, all right. Cornvelious Daniel: Is that-- Rick:

Cornvelious Daniel: Where are we going? Rick: To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything. Rick: Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan," where they -- where they -- they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory. Cornvelious Daniel: Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting. Rick: Okay. All right, all right. Cornvelious Daniel: Is that-- Rick: Me. I used to wear blue pants.

Me. I used to wear blue pants.

All Ricks: We “isn't” All Ricks: Alright, since this time crystal exists in both possibilities, and since it's impossible that I didn't nail this, I'm probably about to press this button in both possibilities at exactly the same time. All Ricks: Whatever you're asking, the answer is I'm amazing. And away we go! Rick: Huh, what do you know, it's working Summer 1: Ow, ow ouch! Morty 2: Whoa, ow, ow. Rick:

All Ricks: We “isn't” All Ricks: Alright, since this time crystal exists in both possibilities, and since it's impossible that I didn't nail this, I'm probably about to press this button in both possibilities at exactly the same time. All Ricks: Whatever you're asking, the answer is I'm amazing. And away we go! Rick: Huh, what do you know, it's working Summer 1: Ow, ow ouch! Morty 2: Whoa, ow, ow. Rick: Oh shit.

Oh shit.

Agency Director: Jaguar was an animal. You're an intelligent pickle. We can do business. Pickle Rick: I don't think so. See you soon. Agency Director: Is the helicopter here? Agency Director: Tell them we were robbed. Agency Director: Farewell, Solen'ya. Pickle Rick: Well, my daughter is about five away, and I've got about eight to live. Pickle Rick:

Agency Director: Jaguar was an animal. You're an intelligent pickle. We can do business. Pickle Rick: I don't think so. See you soon. Agency Director: Is the helicopter here? Agency Director: Tell them we were robbed. Agency Director: Farewell, Solen'ya. Pickle Rick: Well, my daughter is about five away, and I've got about eight to live. Pickle Rick: Oh, well, uh, she knows. I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines precludes the necessity of attachment. In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants.

Oh, well, uh, she knows. I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines precludes the necessity of attachment. In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants.

Rick: Yikes. Yeah, things did feel less diverse in there. Morty: This article says the reason we weren't involved was... "personality conflicts". Rick: Don't worry, Morty, they love you. Superheroes need a wide-eyed unremarkable to tag along and react to everything like it's mind-blowing. Morty: I... think the personality conflict might have been... you. Rick: Jesus... How awesome is that? I mean, they wanted to not need me so bad, they murdered three innocent heroes of color, and they still had to bring me back? Morty: Rick, since it's my adventure and all, could you do me a favor? Rick:

Rick: Yikes. Yeah, things did feel less diverse in there. Morty: This article says the reason we weren't involved was... "personality conflicts". Rick: Don't worry, Morty, they love you. Superheroes need a wide-eyed unremarkable to tag along and react to everything like it's mind-blowing. Morty: I... think the personality conflict might have been... you. Rick: Jesus... How awesome is that? I mean, they wanted to not need me so bad, they murdered three innocent heroes of color, and they still had to bring me back? Morty: Rick, since it's my adventure and all, could you do me a favor? Rick: Uh, the adventure is the favor, Morty. Me sleeping on these linens is the favor. I mean, w-w-w-what--what are we vindicating? Comfort?

Uh, the adventure is the favor, Morty. Me sleeping on these linens is the favor. I mean, w-w-w-what--what are we vindicating? Comfort?

Morty: Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing. Rick: All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be— Rick: HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!! Rick: I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty! Rick: Oh, Morty, take a deep breath. Breathe that breathe that fresh air in, Morty. Y-you smell that? That's the smell of adventure, Morty. That's that's the smell of-of-of-of a whole different evolutionary timeline. Morty: All right, Rick, look how much longer is this gonna be? Shouldn't I be back at school by now? Rick:

Morty: Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing. Rick: All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be— Rick: HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!! Rick: I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty! Rick: Oh, Morty, take a deep breath. Breathe that breathe that fresh air in, Morty. Y-you smell that? That's the smell of adventure, Morty. That's that's the smell of-of-of-of a whole different evolutionary timeline. Morty: All right, Rick, look how much longer is this gonna be? Shouldn't I be back at school by now? Rick: Are you joking me? I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at that thing right there. What the hell is that thing? You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school? Look at it just lumbering around. It defies all logic, that thing.

Are you joking me? I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at that thing right there. What the hell is that thing? You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school? Look at it just lumbering around. It defies all logic, that thing.

Morty: Ohhhhh! Morty: Ohhhhhh! Morty: Aaaaah! Rick: Don't think about it! Rick: Ooh! Oh, nice, Morty! The student becomes the teacher. Morty: Whoooooo! Rick:

Morty: Ohhhhh! Morty: Ohhhhhh! Morty: Aaaaah! Rick: Don't think about it! Rick: Ooh! Oh, nice, Morty! The student becomes the teacher. Morty: Whoooooo! Rick: I need to type in the coordinates to our home world, Morty. Cover me.

I need to type in the coordinates to our home world, Morty. Cover me.

Snuffles: Bring the boy to me. You were always kind to me, Morty. That's why I will leave you with your testicles. From now on, you will be my best friend and live by my side. Morty: Th-thanks, snuffles. Snuffles: Begin phase two. Morty: Mmm. Thank you, Fido. Rick! I thought you were dead! Rick: No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon. Morty: What? Rick:

Snuffles: Bring the boy to me. You were always kind to me, Morty. That's why I will leave you with your testicles. From now on, you will be my best friend and live by my side. Morty: Th-thanks, snuffles. Snuffles: Begin phase two. Morty: Mmm. Thank you, Fido. Rick! I thought you were dead! Rick: No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon. Morty: What? Rick: It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream.

It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream.

Pickle Rick: Mm-hmm. Dr. Wong: I've heard a lot about you today. Your family is crazy about you. Your daughter holds you in very high regard. You're a lucky fella. Pickle Rick: Yeah, thank you. Uh, sweetie, you don't still happen to have that syringe in your purse? Beth: Dad I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe. Pickle Rick: It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. I have had a rough day. And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent. Dr. Wong: By changing you from a pickle to a human. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Mm-hmm. Dr. Wong: I've heard a lot about you today. Your family is crazy about you. Your daughter holds you in very high regard. You're a lucky fella. Pickle Rick: Yeah, thank you. Uh, sweetie, you don't still happen to have that syringe in your purse? Beth: Dad I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe. Pickle Rick: It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. I have had a rough day. And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent. Dr. Wong: By changing you from a pickle to a human. Pickle Rick: Yes.

Yes.

Cop Morty: He’s not my Rick. He’s my partner. Aw, geez. Morty 1: Well, maybe the uniform makes a big difference. Who am I to say? To me, you just look like a sidekick. Cop Morty: CALL ME A SIDEKICK ONE MORE TIME! CALL ME A SIDEKICK!! Morty 2: Hey man! C’mon, aw geez! Cop Morty: WANNA SEE HOW I PAINT A WALL?! Morty 2: It was the Mortytown Locos, man! The Mortytown Locos! Cop Rick:

Cop Morty: He’s not my Rick. He’s my partner. Aw, geez. Morty 1: Well, maybe the uniform makes a big difference. Who am I to say? To me, you just look like a sidekick. Cop Morty: CALL ME A SIDEKICK ONE MORE TIME! CALL ME A SIDEKICK!! Morty 2: Hey man! C’mon, aw geez! Cop Morty: WANNA SEE HOW I PAINT A WALL?! Morty 2: It was the Mortytown Locos, man! The Mortytown Locos! Cop Rick: Do you realize how many codes you just violated?

Do you realize how many codes you just violated?

Morty: Man, he sure says "bitch" a lot! Scary Terry: You can run, but you can't hide, bitch! Rick: Hold on, Morty. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can hide. I say we try hiding. Morty: But that's the opposite of what- Rick: Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything? Morty: Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick. Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick. Rick:

Morty: Man, he sure says "bitch" a lot! Scary Terry: You can run, but you can't hide, bitch! Rick: Hold on, Morty. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can hide. I say we try hiding. Morty: But that's the opposite of what- Rick: Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything? Morty: Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick. Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick. Rick: Worst-case scenario we're back to running.

Worst-case scenario we're back to running.

Jerry: Um..okay. No. No, no, no. Foot down time. Rick: No, you're right. Where's the vodka? Jerry: Beth, it's him or me! Rick: Seems like you guys need some privacy. I'll, uh -- I'll be in the garage. Rick: What the fuck? Not cool, Jerry! A man's garage is his castle. Beth: Jerry's going to spend some time divorced. Rick:

Jerry: Um..okay. No. No, no, no. Foot down time. Rick: No, you're right. Where's the vodka? Jerry: Beth, it's him or me! Rick: Seems like you guys need some privacy. I'll, uh -- I'll be in the garage. Rick: What the fuck? Not cool, Jerry! A man's garage is his castle. Beth: Jerry's going to spend some time divorced. Rick: Oh, I-I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie. I hope I had nothing to do with that.

Oh, I-I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie. I hope I had nothing to do with that.

Snuffles: Bad person. Bad. Rick: Ooh, great plan, Jerry. Snuffles: Bring the boy to me. You were always kind to me, Morty. That's why I will leave you with your testicles. From now on, you will be my best friend and live by my side. Morty: Th-thanks, snuffles. Snuffles: Begin phase two. Morty: Mmm. Thank you, Fido. Rick! I thought you were dead! Rick:

Snuffles: Bad person. Bad. Rick: Ooh, great plan, Jerry. Snuffles: Bring the boy to me. You were always kind to me, Morty. That's why I will leave you with your testicles. From now on, you will be my best friend and live by my side. Morty: Th-thanks, snuffles. Snuffles: Begin phase two. Morty: Mmm. Thank you, Fido. Rick! I thought you were dead! Rick: No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon.

No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon.

Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Rick: I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt? Morty: Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt. Rick: That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a- Rick: Why does he have to go over there? Rick:

Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Rick: I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt? Morty: Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt. Rick: That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a- Rick: Why does he have to go over there? Rick: What new- what new machine?

What new- what new machine?

Morty: Woahh! Rick: ooo... Watch out for that stuff. It'll stain if it gets on your clothes, and it'll send into a murderous rage if it gets in your eyes or mouth. Beth: Why would you keep mutant bacteria in a pint of Cherry Garcia? Rick: I know this isn't the time, but, you know, technically the second freezer drawer is mine. Beth: Not anymore. Rick: You're overreacting! Rick:

Morty: Woahh! Rick: ooo... Watch out for that stuff. It'll stain if it gets on your clothes, and it'll send into a murderous rage if it gets in your eyes or mouth. Beth: Why would you keep mutant bacteria in a pint of Cherry Garcia? Rick: I know this isn't the time, but, you know, technically the second freezer drawer is mine. Beth: Not anymore. Rick: You're overreacting! Rick: Alright fine, but you're not touching my CRISPR.

Alright fine, but you're not touching my CRISPR.

Morty: You talking about "Inception"? Rick: That's right, Morty. This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it's gonna may--be make sense. Morty: "Inception" made sense. Rick: You don't have to try to impress me, Morty. Listen, tonight we're gonna go into the home of your math teacher, Mr. Goldenfold, and we're gonna incept the idea in his brain to give you A's in math, Morty. That way you can, you know, y-you're gonna help me with my science, Morty, all the time. Morty: Geez, Rick, in the time it took you to make this thing, couldn't you have just, you know, helped me with my homework? Rick: Are you listening to me, Morty? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it. Rick:

Morty: You talking about "Inception"? Rick: That's right, Morty. This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it's gonna may--be make sense. Morty: "Inception" made sense. Rick: You don't have to try to impress me, Morty. Listen, tonight we're gonna go into the home of your math teacher, Mr. Goldenfold, and we're gonna incept the idea in his brain to give you A's in math, Morty. That way you can, you know, y-you're gonna help me with my science, Morty, all the time. Morty: Geez, Rick, in the time it took you to make this thing, couldn't you have just, you know, helped me with my homework? Rick: Are you listening to me, Morty? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it. Rick: Come on, let's just get over there and deal with this thing. W-we're gonna incept your teacher. You're frustrating me.

Come on, let's just get over there and deal with this thing. W-we're gonna incept your teacher. You're frustrating me.

Rick: There she is. All right. Come on, Morty. Let's go. Morty: Oh, geez, okay. Morty: Oh, man, Rick. What is this place? Rick: It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of tree, Morty, called a Mega Tree, and there's fruit in those trees, and there's seeds in those fruits. I'm talking about Mega Seeds. They're they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty. Morty: Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing. Rick: All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be— Rick:

Rick: There she is. All right. Come on, Morty. Let's go. Morty: Oh, geez, okay. Morty: Oh, man, Rick. What is this place? Rick: It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of tree, Morty, called a Mega Tree, and there's fruit in those trees, and there's seeds in those fruits. I'm talking about Mega Seeds. They're they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty. Morty: Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing. Rick: All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be— Rick: HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!!

HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!!

Beth: Well, Dr. Wong -- by the way, racist name -- obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy. Dr. Wong: Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings. Beth: Fuck you. Beth: Fuck both of you, too. Pickle Rick: By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special. Pickle Rick: God damn it, I love myself. Pickle Rick:

Beth: Well, Dr. Wong -- by the way, racist name -- obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy. Dr. Wong: Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings. Beth: Fuck you. Beth: Fuck both of you, too. Pickle Rick: By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special. Pickle Rick: God damn it, I love myself. Pickle Rick: Pickle Riiick!

Pickle Riiick!

Vance: Rick? What's going on, buddy? Rick: Obviously, I came here last night during a blackout. Supernova: Obviously? You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk, you don't remember doing it? That's something obvious to you? Rick: Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours. Drunk Rick: ...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game. Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators? Rick:

Vance: Rick? What's going on, buddy? Rick: Obviously, I came here last night during a blackout. Supernova: Obviously? You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk, you don't remember doing it? That's something obvious to you? Rick: Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours. Drunk Rick: ...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game. Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators? Rick: Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack.

Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack.

Rick: You guys should really not be touching that stuff. It's beyond your reasoning. Jerry: You're beyond our reasoning! Rick: Takes one to know one. Beth: Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school? I mean, it's not like he's a hot girl. He can't just bail on his life and set up shop in someone else's. Rick: What what are you guys doing with my stuff? Beth: We're moving you to a nursing home. Rick:

Rick: You guys should really not be touching that stuff. It's beyond your reasoning. Jerry: You're beyond our reasoning! Rick: Takes one to know one. Beth: Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school? I mean, it's not like he's a hot girl. He can't just bail on his life and set up shop in someone else's. Rick: What what are you guys doing with my stuff? Beth: We're moving you to a nursing home. Rick: A nursing home? What are what are you, nuts? I'm a genius. I build robots for fun.

A nursing home? What are what are you, nuts? I'm a genius. I build robots for fun.

Jerry: Yeah, I'm just going to...check on your mom. Rick: Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great. Morty: Hey, listen, Rick. You know how you said that, you know... love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinkn', you know, www... could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing, you know, like maybe make some sort of love potion or something? Rick: Morty, that's such a poor use of my time, it's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver. Morty: YOU KNOW WHAT, NO RICK! I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE SCREWDRIVER! Uh, I'm never gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick. I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. Www...what about me, Rick? Www... why can't you just help me out once, once, for once? Rick: You're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass! Listen, this is called oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. You know what a VOLE is, Morty, you know what a vole is? Rick:

Jerry: Yeah, I'm just going to...check on your mom. Rick: Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great. Morty: Hey, listen, Rick. You know how you said that, you know... love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinkn', you know, www... could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing, you know, like maybe make some sort of love potion or something? Rick: Morty, that's such a poor use of my time, it's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver. Morty: YOU KNOW WHAT, NO RICK! I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE SCREWDRIVER! Uh, I'm never gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick. I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. Www...what about me, Rick? Www... why can't you just help me out once, once, for once? Rick: You're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass! Listen, this is called oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. You know what a VOLE is, Morty, you know what a vole is? Rick: It's a, it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty. This is the chemical release in the mammal's brain, ...that makes it fall in love. Alright Morty, I just gotta combine it with some of your DNA.

It's a, it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty. This is the chemical release in the mammal's brain, ...that makes it fall in love. Alright Morty, I just gotta combine it with some of your DNA.

Summer: Shut up Morty, you vindictive little turd! Morty: You shut up you big... female asshole! Summer: I didn't! Morty: You didn't what? Morty: What's yours? Morty: You shut up! Rick:

Summer: Shut up Morty, you vindictive little turd! Morty: You shut up you big... female asshole! Summer: I didn't! Morty: You didn't what? Morty: What's yours? Morty: You shut up! Rick: Whoa whoa wh-what the hell hell hell hell hell?

Whoa whoa wh-what the hell hell hell hell hell?

Rick: All right. Short mission, good mission. Remember when Alan wanted to use a ghost train? See you guys in Vindicators 4. Morty? Morty: Rick, whoever did this is an even bigger threat than Worldender! We can't leave now! Supernova: He's right. This is far from over. Rick: Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour. Rick: Shit. Million Ants: I sense the presence of a greater evil. Drunk Rick:

Rick: All right. Short mission, good mission. Remember when Alan wanted to use a ghost train? See you guys in Vindicators 4. Morty? Morty: Rick, whoever did this is an even bigger threat than Worldender! We can't leave now! Supernova: He's right. This is far from over. Rick: Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour. Rick: Shit. Million Ants: I sense the presence of a greater evil. Drunk Rick: Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!!

Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!!

Alan: I wish he had the ability to check is attitude. Rick: Alan Rails, ladies and gentleman. After his parents' tragic death in a railroad accident, he gained the power to summon ghiost trains. It's not all bad, though. They were spared having to see their grown son wear a whistle! Rick: Thanks, Noob-Noob! This guy gets it. Morty: Vance Maximus, Renegade Star Soldier! Vance: Sorry I'm late. It was happy hour. Morty: Happy hour. Rick:

Alan: I wish he had the ability to check is attitude. Rick: Alan Rails, ladies and gentleman. After his parents' tragic death in a railroad accident, he gained the power to summon ghiost trains. It's not all bad, though. They were spared having to see their grown son wear a whistle! Rick: Thanks, Noob-Noob! This guy gets it. Morty: Vance Maximus, Renegade Star Soldier! Vance: Sorry I'm late. It was happy hour. Morty: Happy hour. Rick: Uh, I was also late because of my drinking and metioned it to zero applause.

Uh, I was also late because of my drinking and metioned it to zero applause.

Alan: Yeah? Million Ants: One million times better! Alan: ALL ABOOOOOOARD, MOTHERFUCKER!!! Supernova: STOP! Rick: Oof! Didn't see that comin'. Supernova: Is that sarcasm?! I don't want you slipping away then this is over! All of these deaths are on your hands! Rick:

Alan: Yeah? Million Ants: One million times better! Alan: ALL ABOOOOOOARD, MOTHERFUCKER!!! Supernova: STOP! Rick: Oof! Didn't see that comin'. Supernova: Is that sarcasm?! I don't want you slipping away then this is over! All of these deaths are on your hands! Rick: Oh, come on, maybe a couple of them, but definitely not the train guy.

Oh, come on, maybe a couple of them, but definitely not the train guy.

Rick: Ughhhh... belchflies towards front doorTurning back around and re-entering dining roomScoffsHovers over Jerry and fully shoves him into underside before flying away through open front door and into skyRuns to front doorFollow BethLooking into skyStill eating cerealUnscrewing and drinking from scotch flaskMorty waveskissing Beth's handHolding a suit in a dry cleaning bag* Your language has 'squanch,' in it a lot. Doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing? Rick: Beth, Squanchy culture is more... contextual than literal. You just say what's in your squanch and people understand. Beth: Oh, okay... I squanch my family. Beth: What? I do, I squanch my family. Rick: Oh boy. Time to go, Morty. Morty: Uhh, where? Rick:

Rick: Ughhhh... belchflies towards front doorTurning back around and re-entering dining roomScoffsHovers over Jerry and fully shoves him into underside before flying away through open front door and into skyRuns to front doorFollow BethLooking into skyStill eating cerealUnscrewing and drinking from scotch flaskMorty waveskissing Beth's handHolding a suit in a dry cleaning bag* Your language has 'squanch,' in it a lot. Doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing? Rick: Beth, Squanchy culture is more... contextual than literal. You just say what's in your squanch and people understand. Beth: Oh, okay... I squanch my family. Beth: What? I do, I squanch my family. Rick: Oh boy. Time to go, Morty. Morty: Uhh, where? Rick: The Pentagon. I mean, not THE Pentagon. The lame one, here on Earth.

The Pentagon. I mean, not THE Pentagon. The lame one, here on Earth.

Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Hey, Mooorty! Morty: Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something? Pickle Rick: Morty, the garage, Morty. Come to the garage! Pickle Rick: Morty? Morty: Rick? W-where are you? Pickle Rick:

Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Hey, Mooorty! Morty: Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something? Pickle Rick: Morty, the garage, Morty. Come to the garage! Pickle Rick: Morty? Morty: Rick? W-where are you? Pickle Rick: On my work bench, Morty.

On my work bench, Morty.

Rick: Come on, Morty. Just take it easy, Morty. It's gonna be good. Right now, we're gonna go pick up your little friend Jessica. Morty: Jessica? From my math class? Rick: When I drop the bomb you know, I want you to have somebody, you know? I want you to have the thing. I'm gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve, and you're gonna be Adam. Morty: Ohh... Rick: And Jessica's gonna be Eve. Morty: Whhhh-wha? Rick:

Rick: Come on, Morty. Just take it easy, Morty. It's gonna be good. Right now, we're gonna go pick up your little friend Jessica. Morty: Jessica? From my math class? Rick: When I drop the bomb you know, I want you to have somebody, you know? I want you to have the thing. I'm gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve, and you're gonna be Adam. Morty: Ohh... Rick: And Jessica's gonna be Eve. Morty: Whhhh-wha? Rick: And so that's the surprise, Morty.

And so that's the surprise, Morty.

Beth: How is praying going to help? Mr. Goldenfold: Ma’am, a giant head in the sky is controlling the weather. Did you wanna play checkers? Let’s be rational! I’ll see you at God’s house! President: Gentlemen, gentlemen, one at a time! Simon? Nathan: Have you tried sending it launch codes? Mr. President, what America’s got is 70,000 megatons of KABOOM-BOOM! And I say we show it right up this floating head’s ass! Rick: Stay back! This watch turns people into snakes! President: Stand down. Everybody stand down! I’m the leader of these people and I’m unarmed. There’s no need for any more snake-makery. Rick:

Beth: How is praying going to help? Mr. Goldenfold: Ma’am, a giant head in the sky is controlling the weather. Did you wanna play checkers? Let’s be rational! I’ll see you at God’s house! President: Gentlemen, gentlemen, one at a time! Simon? Nathan: Have you tried sending it launch codes? Mr. President, what America’s got is 70,000 megatons of KABOOM-BOOM! And I say we show it right up this floating head’s ass! Rick: Stay back! This watch turns people into snakes! President: Stand down. Everybody stand down! I’m the leader of these people and I’m unarmed. There’s no need for any more snake-makery. Rick: My name is Rick Sanchez. This here’s my grandson Morty.

My name is Rick Sanchez. This here’s my grandson Morty.

Beth: That's odd, this deer's wounded. Jerry: Uh, yeah, I was there, you don't have to rub it in. Beth: I mean it's been shot. With a gun. Vet: May I help you, sir? Vet: Look, I don't know what the law says about this, but I took an oath that I would let no animal come to harm. Except when sterilizing, aborting or euthenizing them and also when eating them at almost any meal. Beth: In your dreams, bitch! Scalpel! All Ricks:

Beth: That's odd, this deer's wounded. Jerry: Uh, yeah, I was there, you don't have to rub it in. Beth: I mean it's been shot. With a gun. Vet: May I help you, sir? Vet: Look, I don't know what the law says about this, but I took an oath that I would let no animal come to harm. Except when sterilizing, aborting or euthenizing them and also when eating them at almost any meal. Beth: In your dreams, bitch! Scalpel! All Ricks: So in conclusion, you're both equally mercurial, overly sensitive, clingy hysterical bird brained homunculi. And I honestly can't tell the two of you half the time because I don't go by height or age, I go by amount of pain in my ass, which makes you both identical. Alright, everything resolved? Everybody nice and certain about their position in my world?

So in conclusion, you're both equally mercurial, overly sensitive, clingy hysterical bird brained homunculi. And I honestly can't tell the two of you half the time because I don't go by height or age, I go by amount of pain in my ass, which makes you both identical. Alright, everything resolved? Everybody nice and certain about their position in my world?

Morty: Hey, yo, scary T., don't even trip about your pants dawg. Here's a pair on us, fool. Scary Terry: Aww, bitch. I don't know what to say. Morty: You don't need to say anything. We got you, dawg. Rick: You're our boy, dawg. Don't even trip. Scary Terry: Oh, hey, it's you guys! Scary Terry: If you guys ever need anything, just say the word. Rick:

Morty: Hey, yo, scary T., don't even trip about your pants dawg. Here's a pair on us, fool. Scary Terry: Aww, bitch. I don't know what to say. Morty: You don't need to say anything. We got you, dawg. Rick: You're our boy, dawg. Don't even trip. Scary Terry: Oh, hey, it's you guys! Scary Terry: If you guys ever need anything, just say the word. Rick: As a matter of fact, Terry, there is something you could help us with.

As a matter of fact, Terry, there is something you could help us with.

Morty: What?! No, I'm not right. I-I was using ghoulish overkill! Ghoulish overkill, Summer! Morty: Oh, God! Oh, God! Whoa, whoa! Cornvelious Daniel: Where are we going? Rick: To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything. Rick: Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan," where they -- where they -- they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory. Cornvelious Daniel: Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting. Rick:

Morty: What?! No, I'm not right. I-I was using ghoulish overkill! Ghoulish overkill, Summer! Morty: Oh, God! Oh, God! Whoa, whoa! Cornvelious Daniel: Where are we going? Rick: To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything. Rick: Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan," where they -- where they -- they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory. Cornvelious Daniel: Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting. Rick: Okay. All right, all right.

Okay. All right, all right.

Summer: Is it God? If it’s God, do we get out of school? Beth: It’s not God, Summer. Jerry: She’s allowed to think it’s God if she wants, honey! Beth: Shut up, Jerry. Jerry: Ok… Beth: Dad, what do you know about this? Rick:

Summer: Is it God? If it’s God, do we get out of school? Beth: It’s not God, Summer. Jerry: She’s allowed to think it’s God if she wants, honey! Beth: Shut up, Jerry. Jerry: Ok… Beth: Dad, what do you know about this? Rick: Morty and I are going to look into it. You guys hold tight.

Morty and I are going to look into it. You guys hold tight.

Morty: I'll cover that bet. I get it. Rick: Well, Morty, I think you're making that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment. I am not being coy about some hidden love for you. I want to be really clear that, if anyone has a better guess, like, if I gave you an amulet last night, or... Rick: Oh, shit. Drunk Rick: Sorry, I'm... not good at goodbyes. It looks like I'm never gonna see you again. I can't really roll with the hero types, and I don't... th-they don't want me around. But I want... you to know, even if I didn't show it at the time, II really appreciated you sticking by me. Drunk Rick: Goddammit, why am I crying? It makes no sense. Drunk Rick: Ugh, y-you're probably confused because we barely know each other... Drunk Rick:

Morty: I'll cover that bet. I get it. Rick: Well, Morty, I think you're making that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment. I am not being coy about some hidden love for you. I want to be really clear that, if anyone has a better guess, like, if I gave you an amulet last night, or... Rick: Oh, shit. Drunk Rick: Sorry, I'm... not good at goodbyes. It looks like I'm never gonna see you again. I can't really roll with the hero types, and I don't... th-they don't want me around. But I want... you to know, even if I didn't show it at the time, II really appreciated you sticking by me. Drunk Rick: Goddammit, why am I crying? It makes no sense. Drunk Rick: Ugh, y-you're probably confused because we barely know each other... Drunk Rick: ...but you really stuck your neck out when you gave me props for my awesome jokes in the briefing room. Everybody else had their heads so far up their ass. Even my own grandson is like, "Oh, the Vindicators are so cool." I mean, he's a moron, it's their... demographic. But you're different, Noob-Noob.

...but you really stuck your neck out when you gave me props for my awesome jokes in the briefing room. Everybody else had their heads so far up their ass. Even my own grandson is like, "Oh, the Vindicators are so cool." I mean, he's a moron, it's their... demographic. But you're different, Noob-Noob.

Morty: Uh, what happened on Dorian 5? Supernova: Nothing! Alan: Nothing?! We exterminated a planet! Morty: W-Wait, huh? Supernova: Doomnomitron was hiding here! He's a shapeshifter! Destroying Dorian 5 was the only way to kill him! Morty: Oh, o-okay. This again? Rick:

Morty: Uh, what happened on Dorian 5? Supernova: Nothing! Alan: Nothing?! We exterminated a planet! Morty: W-Wait, huh? Supernova: Doomnomitron was hiding here! He's a shapeshifter! Destroying Dorian 5 was the only way to kill him! Morty: Oh, o-okay. This again? Rick: You know, I could have made a device to detect Doomnomitron from orbit like that.

You know, I could have made a device to detect Doomnomitron from orbit like that.

Beth: Don't make my mistake, Summer. Don't deify the people that leave you. You'll end up a horse surgeon in a world controlled by aliens whose medicine keeps horses healthy forever. Horses live longer than tortoises now. Is that what you want for yourself? Summer: Maybe I just want you to care if I run away yelling! Jerry: Ooh! Rick: Oh, any particular ones? You want to see my first boner, or should we go straight to the moment I discovered interdimensional travel? Rick: ' Ooh, your little flappy doodles are twitching. Does that mean you're aroused, or did you just get a signal that one of your buddies found a grape? Cornvelious Daniel: It's arousal. Yes, I'd like very much to visit the memory of you inventing your portal gun. Rick:

Beth: Don't make my mistake, Summer. Don't deify the people that leave you. You'll end up a horse surgeon in a world controlled by aliens whose medicine keeps horses healthy forever. Horses live longer than tortoises now. Is that what you want for yourself? Summer: Maybe I just want you to care if I run away yelling! Jerry: Ooh! Rick: Oh, any particular ones? You want to see my first boner, or should we go straight to the moment I discovered interdimensional travel? Rick: ' Ooh, your little flappy doodles are twitching. Does that mean you're aroused, or did you just get a signal that one of your buddies found a grape? Cornvelious Daniel: It's arousal. Yes, I'd like very much to visit the memory of you inventing your portal gun. Rick: Yeah, well, tough titties.

Yeah, well, tough titties.

Rick: No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth. Morty: Aw, man, geez! Seriously? Rick: Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these. Morty: Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something? Rick: Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down. Morty: What?! Rick:

Rick: No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth. Morty: Aw, man, geez! Seriously? Rick: Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these. Morty: Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something? Rick: Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down. Morty: What?! Rick: It's necessary for the plan, Morty. Don't even trip, dawg.

It's necessary for the plan, Morty. Don't even trip, dawg.

Pickle Rick: Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed. I'm a pickle. Morty: I-I'm just trying to figure out why you would do this. Why anyone would do this. Pickle Rick: The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, which they can't, would be because they could, which they can't. Beth: Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late. Where's your grandpa? Pickle Rick: Right here, sweetie. I'm a pickle! Beth: What?! Why would you -- Look, we're running late. We have to go. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed. I'm a pickle. Morty: I-I'm just trying to figure out why you would do this. Why anyone would do this. Pickle Rick: The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, which they can't, would be because they could, which they can't. Beth: Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late. Where's your grandpa? Pickle Rick: Right here, sweetie. I'm a pickle! Beth: What?! Why would you -- Look, we're running late. We have to go. Pickle Rick: Where are you guys going?

Where are you guys going?

Jerry: Honey, it's gonna be okay. These men are from the Cervine Institute of Elk, Moose Deer and Stag. They can take this deer to a helicopter and fly it to the country's top deer surgeon on a wildlife reserve across the state border, where your jurisdiction ends. Vet: I guess that's the end of that. Jerry: We did it... Testicle Monster A: Uh-huh, no motha- no, Earth, dude, I'm talking 'bout, yeah, with the dinosaurs. No, if you've get to the dolphin people, you've gone too far. Alright man, I'll talk to you later, okay. You know what they do with 3rd dimensional life forms in time prison? Same thing they do in every other prison, only forever. Morty: Why are you doing this? Testicle Monster A: You think I wanna be an omniscient immortal being transcending time and space my whole life? I got ambitions man, bringin' you guys in is my ticket up. Rick:

Jerry: Honey, it's gonna be okay. These men are from the Cervine Institute of Elk, Moose Deer and Stag. They can take this deer to a helicopter and fly it to the country's top deer surgeon on a wildlife reserve across the state border, where your jurisdiction ends. Vet: I guess that's the end of that. Jerry: We did it... Testicle Monster A: Uh-huh, no motha- no, Earth, dude, I'm talking 'bout, yeah, with the dinosaurs. No, if you've get to the dolphin people, you've gone too far. Alright man, I'll talk to you later, okay. You know what they do with 3rd dimensional life forms in time prison? Same thing they do in every other prison, only forever. Morty: Why are you doing this? Testicle Monster A: You think I wanna be an omniscient immortal being transcending time and space my whole life? I got ambitions man, bringin' you guys in is my ticket up. Rick: What if I told you there's a huge ticket up right behind you?

What if I told you there's a huge ticket up right behind you?

Candidate Morty: I see it in our factories, where Ricks work for a fraction of their boss’s salary, even though they’re identical and have the same IQ. The Citadel’s problem isn’t homeless Mortys or outraged Ricks. Candidate Morty: The Citadel’s problem is the Ricks and Mortys feeding on the Citadel’s debt. Rick J-22: Holy shit. Candidate Morty: But I’ve got a message for them, from the Ricks and Mortys keeping it alive. A message… from the Ricks and Mortys that believe in this Citadel to the Ricks and Mortys that don’t Campaign Manager Morty: Holy shit. I don’t believe it! I-I can’t believe it! Candidate Morty: I know. That’s why you’re fired. Rick J-22:

Candidate Morty: I see it in our factories, where Ricks work for a fraction of their boss’s salary, even though they’re identical and have the same IQ. The Citadel’s problem isn’t homeless Mortys or outraged Ricks. Candidate Morty: The Citadel’s problem is the Ricks and Mortys feeding on the Citadel’s debt. Rick J-22: Holy shit. Candidate Morty: But I’ve got a message for them, from the Ricks and Mortys keeping it alive. A message… from the Ricks and Mortys that believe in this Citadel to the Ricks and Mortys that don’t Campaign Manager Morty: Holy shit. I don’t believe it! I-I can’t believe it! Candidate Morty: I know. That’s why you’re fired. Rick J-22: Your life is a lie, man. All your lives are lies! Don’t you get it?! They told us we were special because we were Ricks, but they stripped us of anything that made us unique!

Your life is a lie, man. All your lives are lies! Don’t you get it?! They told us we were special because we were Ricks, but they stripped us of anything that made us unique!

Rick: - Because that's -- that's what this is all about, Morty. Morty: Szechuan? Rick: That's my one-armed man! I'm not driven by avenging my dead family, Morty! That was fake. I-I-I'm driven by finding that McNugget sauce. Morty: McNuggets? Rick: I want that "Mulan" McNugget sauce, Morty! That's my series arc, Morty. Morty: What the hell? Rick:

Rick: - Because that's -- that's what this is all about, Morty. Morty: Szechuan? Rick: That's my one-armed man! I'm not driven by avenging my dead family, Morty! That was fake. I-I-I'm driven by finding that McNugget sauce. Morty: McNuggets? Rick: I want that "Mulan" McNugget sauce, Morty! That's my series arc, Morty. Morty: What the hell? Rick: If it takes nine seasons, I want my McNugget dipping sauce, Szechuan sauce, Morty.

If it takes nine seasons, I want my McNugget dipping sauce, Szechuan sauce, Morty.

Pickle Rick: So I wouldn't have to come here. Dr. Wong: Why didn't you want to come here? Pickle Rick: Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle. When I feel like it. So...you asked. Dr. Wong: Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk -to belittle my vocation- just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some pee well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose. Pickle Rick: I, um I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. I, I shouldn't lie to you. Beth: Oh, it's fine. I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't. But I hope you know that's not what that session was supposed to be. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: So I wouldn't have to come here. Dr. Wong: Why didn't you want to come here? Pickle Rick: Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle. When I feel like it. So...you asked. Dr. Wong: Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk -to belittle my vocation- just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some pee well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose. Pickle Rick: I, um I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. I, I shouldn't lie to you. Beth: Oh, it's fine. I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't. But I hope you know that's not what that session was supposed to be. Pickle Rick: Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants and Summer snorting glue or whatever...

Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants and Summer snorting glue or whatever...

Rick: - without you and your sister, so now you know the real reason I rescued you. Oh! I just took over the family, Morty, and if you tell your mom - Morty: Oh, man. Rick: - or sister I said any of this, I'll deny it - Morty: You're gonna deny it. Rick: - and they'll take my side because I'm a hero, Morty. And now you're gonna have to go - Morty: Oh. Rick:

Rick: - without you and your sister, so now you know the real reason I rescued you. Oh! I just took over the family, Morty, and if you tell your mom - Morty: Oh, man. Rick: - or sister I said any of this, I'll deny it - Morty: You're gonna deny it. Rick: - and they'll take my side because I'm a hero, Morty. And now you're gonna have to go - Morty: Oh. Rick: - and do whatever I say, Morty, forever! And I'll -- I'll go out and I'll find some more of that "Mulan" Szechuan teriyaki dipping sauce, Morty. -

- and do whatever I say, Morty, forever! And I'll -- I'll go out and I'll find some more of that "Mulan" Szechuan teriyaki dipping sauce, Morty. -

Pickle Rick: W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? What are you doing there, sweetie? Beth: Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help? Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? What are you doing there, sweetie? Beth: Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help? Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Cop Rick: Oh! S-sorry, I was expecting-- Cop Morty: A Rick partner? Lesson one, rookie Morty: Mortys are human! Cop Morty: Get the fuck off the car, you Rickless fuckin’ animal! Morty: WHOA!! Cop Morty: The election’s got these yellow shirts more riled up than a Picture Day Jessica. Cop Rick:

Cop Rick: Oh! S-sorry, I was expecting-- Cop Morty: A Rick partner? Lesson one, rookie Morty: Mortys are human! Cop Morty: Get the fuck off the car, you Rickless fuckin’ animal! Morty: WHOA!! Cop Morty: The election’s got these yellow shirts more riled up than a Picture Day Jessica. Cop Rick: That’s pretty harsh, sir.

That’s pretty harsh, sir.

President: What the hell happened? Rick: I think planet Earth has just been transported. Principal Vagina: The head has left and sent its children! Beth: Holy CRAP! Summer: Oh dear giant head, we apologize for that discussion! It will never happen again! Cromulon: WE ASKED THEM TO SHOW US WHAT THEY GOT. AND THEY DID. NOW WE’LL SEE WHICH OF THEM HAS GOT THE MOST. 24 HOURS, FIVE PLANETS, FIVE SONGS. BUT IN THE END, THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE. PLANET MUSIC! All participation is involuntary. Disqualified and losing planets are disintegrated by plasma ray. Rick:

President: What the hell happened? Rick: I think planet Earth has just been transported. Principal Vagina: The head has left and sent its children! Beth: Holy CRAP! Summer: Oh dear giant head, we apologize for that discussion! It will never happen again! Cromulon: WE ASKED THEM TO SHOW US WHAT THEY GOT. AND THEY DID. NOW WE’LL SEE WHICH OF THEM HAS GOT THE MOST. 24 HOURS, FIVE PLANETS, FIVE SONGS. BUT IN THE END, THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE. PLANET MUSIC! All participation is involuntary. Disqualified and losing planets are disintegrated by plasma ray. Rick: Uhh, it’s probably a bad time to mention it, but any astronauts you guys had in orbit are definitely dead.

Uhh, it’s probably a bad time to mention it, but any astronauts you guys had in orbit are definitely dead.

All Summers: Wait, what am I saying? Rick: Were either of you guys uncertain about anything just now? All Mortys: Oh man... I don't feel good. Morty 1: Am I me? I think so. Morty 2: A-am I talking right now? All Mortys: Wait, who said that? All Ricks:

All Summers: Wait, what am I saying? Rick: Were either of you guys uncertain about anything just now? All Mortys: Oh man... I don't feel good. Morty 1: Am I me? I think so. Morty 2: A-am I talking right now? All Mortys: Wait, who said that? All Ricks: Alright both of you, just don't move, don't speak, don't think. I have to check something.

Alright both of you, just don't move, don't speak, don't think. I have to check something.

Beth: That's the point of pottery-enamel huffing, Summer. You do it so you don't have to say "I'm angry at mommy" out loud. Morty: Oh, my God! Dr. Wong: It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, you could ask him -- Beth: He won't have to ask for it, okay? He won't need it. He'll just make more. He doesn't need anything from anyone. Dr. Wong: You admire him for that. Beth: It's better than making your problems other people's problems. Pickle Rick:

Beth: That's the point of pottery-enamel huffing, Summer. You do it so you don't have to say "I'm angry at mommy" out loud. Morty: Oh, my God! Dr. Wong: It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, you could ask him -- Beth: He won't have to ask for it, okay? He won't need it. He'll just make more. He doesn't need anything from anyone. Dr. Wong: You admire him for that. Beth: It's better than making your problems other people's problems. Pickle Rick: Oh, come on!

Oh, come on!

Morty: Right? Million Ants: Titty-Bean, listen to me. When you came to me, I was merely a sentient colony of ants. It was your beliefs, your pursuit of justice, that taught me to be a man. Supernova: When did it get so complicated? Million Ants: Who knows? But we can make it simple again. Supernova: You were always the romantic. Which is why you can't leave either. Supernova: Goodbye, my love. Rick:

Morty: Right? Million Ants: Titty-Bean, listen to me. When you came to me, I was merely a sentient colony of ants. It was your beliefs, your pursuit of justice, that taught me to be a man. Supernova: When did it get so complicated? Million Ants: Who knows? But we can make it simple again. Supernova: You were always the romantic. Which is why you can't leave either. Supernova: Goodbye, my love. Rick: Damn! She double-crossed Snuzzles!

Damn! She double-crossed Snuzzles!

Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pickle Rick: Oh, crap, that sun is bright. Pickle Rick: Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet. Pickle Rick: So... hot. This is how I'm gonna die. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat. Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pickle Rick: Oh, crap, that sun is bright. Pickle Rick: Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet. Pickle Rick: So... hot. This is how I'm gonna die. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, moisture.

Oh, God, moisture.

Pickle Rick: Oh, God, moisture. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here! Pickle Rick: Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular! Pickle Rick: Oh, shiiit! Oh! Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Come on. That's it. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Oh, God, moisture. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here! Pickle Rick: Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular! Pickle Rick: Oh, shiiit! Oh! Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Come on. That's it. Pickle Rick: Come get this delicious brine.

Come get this delicious brine.

Morty: Why are you doing this? Testicle Monster A: You think I wanna be an omniscient immortal being transcending time and space my whole life? I got ambitions man, bringin' you guys in is my ticket up. Rick: What if I told you there's a huge ticket up right behind you? Testicle Monster A: You really think I'm that stupid? Rick: Alright, hear me out on this. You're immortal, right, which means your life is infinite. Well in that case there's 100% chance that you'll eventually do everything, including turning around to look behind you. Testicle Monster A: I cannot argue that. Rick:

Morty: Why are you doing this? Testicle Monster A: You think I wanna be an omniscient immortal being transcending time and space my whole life? I got ambitions man, bringin' you guys in is my ticket up. Rick: What if I told you there's a huge ticket up right behind you? Testicle Monster A: You really think I'm that stupid? Rick: Alright, hear me out on this. You're immortal, right, which means your life is infinite. Well in that case there's 100% chance that you'll eventually do everything, including turning around to look behind you. Testicle Monster A: I cannot argue that. Rick: Ah, God, gross and weird!

Ah, God, gross and weird!

Scary Terry: I always hated that song! Scary Terry: These halves don't belong together, bitch! Scary Terry: Sex is sacred! Scary Terry: This is because you don't give Morty Smith good grades, bitch! Mr. Goldenfold: Holy crap! God damn! I know one thing for sure I'm giving Morty an "A" in math, and that's my idea. That is an original thought. Morty: What the hell? Rick:

Scary Terry: I always hated that song! Scary Terry: These halves don't belong together, bitch! Scary Terry: Sex is sacred! Scary Terry: This is because you don't give Morty Smith good grades, bitch! Mr. Goldenfold: Holy crap! God damn! I know one thing for sure I'm giving Morty an "A" in math, and that's my idea. That is an original thought. Morty: What the hell? Rick: Out of the frying pan dot, dot, dot, huh, Morty?

Out of the frying pan dot, dot, dot, huh, Morty?

Beth: Require different levels of skill to keep alive? Jerry: Oh God... Beth: Get the deer in the car, Jerry. Jerry: Yes Beth. All Ricks: This is why you don't freeze time, you guys. It's incredibly irresponsible.Morty 1 Morty 2: And you did it so you could clean the house after a party? All Ricks:

Beth: Require different levels of skill to keep alive? Jerry: Oh God... Beth: Get the deer in the car, Jerry. Jerry: Yes Beth. All Ricks: This is why you don't freeze time, you guys. It's incredibly irresponsible.Morty 1 Morty 2: And you did it so you could clean the house after a party? All Ricks: Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, Morty. Like literally no time. Look around. Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable. Eventually everything either is or isn't. And we've got about four hours to be “is”.

Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, Morty. Like literally no time. Look around. Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable. Eventually everything either is or isn't. And we've got about four hours to be “is”.

Million Ants: I sense his life force is fading. Rick: Million Ants, ladies and gentleman! The ant colony with the power of two human eyes! Rick: All right. Short mission, good mission. Remember when Alan wanted to use a ghost train? See you guys in Vindicators 4. Morty? Morty: Rick, whoever did this is an even bigger threat than Worldender! We can't leave now! Supernova: He's right. This is far from over. Rick: Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour. Rick:

Million Ants: I sense his life force is fading. Rick: Million Ants, ladies and gentleman! The ant colony with the power of two human eyes! Rick: All right. Short mission, good mission. Remember when Alan wanted to use a ghost train? See you guys in Vindicators 4. Morty? Morty: Rick, whoever did this is an even bigger threat than Worldender! We can't leave now! Supernova: He's right. This is far from over. Rick: Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour. Rick: Shit.

Shit.

Cromulon: DISQUALIFIED! DISQUALIFIED! Ice-T: That’s right, it’s me, Ice-T! I care now! You made me care more! With all due respect, I’d like to hear what Rick and Morty have to play. Morty: What do you say, Rick? Rick: I say… Let’s do it! Rick: All right! Morty: Ohhhh yeahhhh! Rick:

Cromulon: DISQUALIFIED! DISQUALIFIED! Ice-T: That’s right, it’s me, Ice-T! I care now! You made me care more! With all due respect, I’d like to hear what Rick and Morty have to play. Morty: What do you say, Rick? Rick: I say… Let’s do it! Rick: All right! Morty: Ohhhh yeahhhh! Rick: Come on, here we go!

Come on, here we go!

Jerry: Yes Beth. All Ricks: This is why you don't freeze time, you guys. It's incredibly irresponsible.Morty 1 Morty 2: And you did it so you could clean the house after a party? All Ricks: Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, Morty. Like literally no time. Look around. Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable. Eventually everything either is or isn't. And we've got about four hours to be “is”. Morty 1: Or... Morty 2: Or? All Ricks:

Jerry: Yes Beth. All Ricks: This is why you don't freeze time, you guys. It's incredibly irresponsible.Morty 1 Morty 2: And you did it so you could clean the house after a party? All Ricks: Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, Morty. Like literally no time. Look around. Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable. Eventually everything either is or isn't. And we've got about four hours to be “is”. Morty 1: Or... Morty 2: Or? All Ricks: We “isn't”

We “isn't”

Drunk Rick: Congrats! You did it-- it! Morty: It was a bit. All of the descriptors apply to all of you. Drunk Rick's point is that none of you are very special or different. That's always his point. Supernova: Let's just get through this as quickly as possible. Then, we'll deal with the two of you. Morty: The two of us?! I hope you're proud of yourself! Rick: Uh, I kind of am. I saved the goddamn universe. Morty: That's not the issue, Rick! Rick:

Drunk Rick: Congrats! You did it-- it! Morty: It was a bit. All of the descriptors apply to all of you. Drunk Rick's point is that none of you are very special or different. That's always his point. Supernova: Let's just get through this as quickly as possible. Then, we'll deal with the two of you. Morty: The two of us?! I hope you're proud of yourself! Rick: Uh, I kind of am. I saved the goddamn universe. Morty: That's not the issue, Rick! Rick: Ahh, it would've been if I hadn't.

Ahh, it would've been if I hadn't.

Cop Rick: It’s okay, Morty. Cop Morty: Jesus! Cop Rick: He stabbed me! He got me bad, Morty. Cop Morty: Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay. Cop Rick: You were right… Everything I learned in the academy was-- Cop Morty: It doesn’t matter. Nothing’s wrong with putting your faith in a Morty. You just gotta pick the right one. Cop Rick:

Cop Rick: It’s okay, Morty. Cop Morty: Jesus! Cop Rick: He stabbed me! He got me bad, Morty. Cop Morty: Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay. Cop Rick: You were right… Everything I learned in the academy was-- Cop Morty: It doesn’t matter. Nothing’s wrong with putting your faith in a Morty. You just gotta pick the right one. Cop Rick: Why is there a crib in here?

Why is there a crib in here?

Rick: Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy? Morty: Sure thing, Rick. Rick: Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore. The stuff was all over the place, Morty. Morty: Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick. Rick: There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced, that they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only old person there, Morty. It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they-they-they— they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, Morty. It's got no charge left. Morty: What?! Rick:

Rick: Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy? Morty: Sure thing, Rick. Rick: Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore. The stuff was all over the place, Morty. Morty: Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick. Rick: There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced, that they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only old person there, Morty. It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they-they-they— they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, Morty. It's got no charge left. Morty: What?! Rick: It's as good as garbage, Morty. It's not gonna work anymore, Morty.

It's as good as garbage, Morty. It's not gonna work anymore, Morty.

Testicle Monster A: I cannot argue that. Rick: Ah, God, gross and weird! Testicle Monster A: Chris! Testicle Monster A: You killed my gun! Rick: Summer, Morty, take off your collars! Testicle Monster A: What? What the hell are you doing? Rick:

Testicle Monster A: I cannot argue that. Rick: Ah, God, gross and weird! Testicle Monster A: Chris! Testicle Monster A: You killed my gun! Rick: Summer, Morty, take off your collars! Testicle Monster A: What? What the hell are you doing? Rick: Good question. I suppose the answer is

Good question. I suppose the answer is

Rick: And Jessica's gonna be Eve. Morty: Whhhh-wha? Rick: And so that's the surprise, Morty. Morty: No, you can't! Jessica doesn't even know I exist! But—but, but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity! Rick: I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty. Listen, I'm not... You don't got... Y-you don’t gotta worry about me trying to fool around with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Morty. Morty: What are you talking about, Rick? Rick:

Rick: And Jessica's gonna be Eve. Morty: Whhhh-wha? Rick: And so that's the surprise, Morty. Morty: No, you can't! Jessica doesn't even know I exist! But—but, but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity! Rick: I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty. Listen, I'm not... You don't got... Y-you don’t gotta worry about me trying to fool around with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Morty. Morty: What are you talking about, Rick? Rick: You-you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything. Sh-sh-she— she, she, she's all for you, Morty.

You-you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything. Sh-sh-she— she, she, she's all for you, Morty.

Rick: Roll over. Rick: Go to the bathroom. Jerry: Holy crap! Summer: No way. Rick: Yeah, you're at the top of your game now, Jerry. Have fun. Come on, Morty. Morty: That was fantastic, Rick! Rick:

Rick: Roll over. Rick: Go to the bathroom. Jerry: Holy crap! Summer: No way. Rick: Yeah, you're at the top of your game now, Jerry. Have fun. Come on, Morty. Morty: That was fantastic, Rick! Rick: Yeah, Morty, if you like that, boy, you're you're really going to flip your lid over this one.

Yeah, Morty, if you like that, boy, you're you're really going to flip your lid over this one.

Supernova: But you're betting our lives on it. Morty: I'll cover that bet. I get it. Rick: Well, Morty, I think you're making that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment. I am not being coy about some hidden love for you. I want to be really clear that, if anyone has a better guess, like, if I gave you an amulet last night, or... Rick: Oh, shit. Drunk Rick: Sorry, I'm... not good at goodbyes. It looks like I'm never gonna see you again. I can't really roll with the hero types, and I don't... th-they don't want me around. But I want... you to know, even if I didn't show it at the time, II really appreciated you sticking by me. Drunk Rick: Goddammit, why am I crying? It makes no sense. Drunk Rick:

Supernova: But you're betting our lives on it. Morty: I'll cover that bet. I get it. Rick: Well, Morty, I think you're making that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment. I am not being coy about some hidden love for you. I want to be really clear that, if anyone has a better guess, like, if I gave you an amulet last night, or... Rick: Oh, shit. Drunk Rick: Sorry, I'm... not good at goodbyes. It looks like I'm never gonna see you again. I can't really roll with the hero types, and I don't... th-they don't want me around. But I want... you to know, even if I didn't show it at the time, II really appreciated you sticking by me. Drunk Rick: Goddammit, why am I crying? It makes no sense. Drunk Rick: Ugh, y-you're probably confused because we barely know each other...

Ugh, y-you're probably confused because we barely know each other...

Rick: Alan, I'm not proud of what's happening here, but if you keep coming at me, there's gonna be another passenger on that ghost train. Morty: Guys! I've figured it out. Drunk Rick: Congrats! You did it-- it! Morty: It was a bit. All of the descriptors apply to all of you. Drunk Rick's point is that none of you are very special or different. That's always his point. Supernova: Let's just get through this as quickly as possible. Then, we'll deal with the two of you. Morty: The two of us?! I hope you're proud of yourself! Rick:

Rick: Alan, I'm not proud of what's happening here, but if you keep coming at me, there's gonna be another passenger on that ghost train. Morty: Guys! I've figured it out. Drunk Rick: Congrats! You did it-- it! Morty: It was a bit. All of the descriptors apply to all of you. Drunk Rick's point is that none of you are very special or different. That's always his point. Supernova: Let's just get through this as quickly as possible. Then, we'll deal with the two of you. Morty: The two of us?! I hope you're proud of yourself! Rick: Uh, I kind of am. I saved the goddamn universe.

Uh, I kind of am. I saved the goddamn universe.

Brad: I throw balls far. You want good words, date a languager. Jerry: Eh, Try not to worry about it, Morty. You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape. Morty: You're missing the point, Dad. I don't want girls, I want Jessica! Jerry: Ahhh, well, I remember feeling that way about a young lady named your mom, and that's not an urban dis, your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her, I thought... Rick: I should get her pregnant, then she'll have to marry me. Jerry: I beg your pardon, Rick, INAPPROPRIATE. Rick:

Brad: I throw balls far. You want good words, date a languager. Jerry: Eh, Try not to worry about it, Morty. You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape. Morty: You're missing the point, Dad. I don't want girls, I want Jessica! Jerry: Ahhh, well, I remember feeling that way about a young lady named your mom, and that's not an urban dis, your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her, I thought... Rick: I should get her pregnant, then she'll have to marry me. Jerry: I beg your pardon, Rick, INAPPROPRIATE. Rick: Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school. I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty, his marriage is hanging from a thread.

Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school. I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty, his marriage is hanging from a thread.

Rick: Morty, twenty people try to kill me every week. I end up getting high with half of 'em. I mean, check it out, Gear Head's here. Beth: Morty, you're wearing a Vindicator jacket. Are you a little superhero now? Morty: Everyone in the universe is a hero, Mom. Which is why we don't need jackets. And I'm pretty sure we don't need Vindicators. Summer: Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced. Rick: Shut up, Summer. Rick: Who the fuck is Noob-Noob? Rick:

Rick: Morty, twenty people try to kill me every week. I end up getting high with half of 'em. I mean, check it out, Gear Head's here. Beth: Morty, you're wearing a Vindicator jacket. Are you a little superhero now? Morty: Everyone in the universe is a hero, Mom. Which is why we don't need jackets. And I'm pretty sure we don't need Vindicators. Summer: Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced. Rick: Shut up, Summer. Rick: Who the fuck is Noob-Noob? Rick: Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis?

Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis?

Principal Vagina: Hi, Principal Vagina. The name’s real, possibly Scandinavian. I’m just gonna come out and make this pitch. The old gods are dead. Fuck all previous existing religions. All hail the one true god, the giant head in the sky. Principal Vagina: Ah, di di di di. Bob, Bob, I get it. But unless this can beat that… what have you done for me lately? So if you wanna excuse me, I’m going out on the sidewalk and dropping to my knees and pledging my eternal soul to the thing that literally controls the fucking weather! Outta my way! Mr. Goldenfold: Ohhhh, this is my favorite part! Morty: Rick, are you really a musician? Rick: Who’s NOT a musician, Morty? Morty: Me! Rick:

Principal Vagina: Hi, Principal Vagina. The name’s real, possibly Scandinavian. I’m just gonna come out and make this pitch. The old gods are dead. Fuck all previous existing religions. All hail the one true god, the giant head in the sky. Principal Vagina: Ah, di di di di. Bob, Bob, I get it. But unless this can beat that… what have you done for me lately? So if you wanna excuse me, I’m going out on the sidewalk and dropping to my knees and pledging my eternal soul to the thing that literally controls the fucking weather! Outta my way! Mr. Goldenfold: Ohhhh, this is my favorite part! Morty: Rick, are you really a musician? Rick: Who’s NOT a musician, Morty? Morty: Me! Rick: Yeah, not with that attitude.

Yeah, not with that attitude.