Datasets:

dmitrijsk
/

rick

Dataset card Viewer Files Files and versions Community

Split (3)

train · 499 rows

context_name stringlengths 119 2.09k	context_name_line stringlengths 147 2.17k	line stringlengths 3 727
Summer: You have dropped so many balls, man. Do you ever get scared Grampa Rick might make me his new sidekick? Morty: What? What kind of monster are you? Summer: A competent one. Rick: Who cares about the thing you guys are talking about? The whole point of freezing time is to stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad and let's get this dumb universe rolling. Let's do this thing. Rick: Alright, listen, you two, we froze time for a pretty long time, so when I unfreeze it, the world's time is gonna be fine, but our time's gonna need a little time to, you know, stabilize. Morty: Our time is gonna be unstable? What does that even mean? Rick:	Summer: You have dropped so many balls, man. Do you ever get scared Grampa Rick might make me his new sidekick? Morty: What? What kind of monster are you? Summer: A competent one. Rick: Who cares about the thing you guys are talking about? The whole point of freezing time is to stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad and let's get this dumb universe rolling. Let's do this thing. Rick: Alright, listen, you two, we froze time for a pretty long time, so when I unfreeze it, the world's time is gonna be fine, but our time's gonna need a little time to, you know, stabilize. Morty: Our time is gonna be unstable? What does that even mean? Rick: It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty. I thought you learned that by now. It also means don't touch your parents or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards.	It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty. I thought you learned that by now. It also means don't touch your parents or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards.
Drunk Rick: Sorry, I'm... not good at goodbyes. It looks like I'm never gonna see you again. I can't really roll with the hero types, and I don't... th-they don't want me around. But I want... you to know, even if I didn't show it at the time, II really appreciated you sticking by me. Drunk Rick: Goddammit, why am I crying? It makes no sense. Drunk Rick: Ugh, y-you're probably confused because we barely know each other... Drunk Rick: ...but you really stuck your neck out when you gave me props for my awesome jokes in the briefing room. Everybody else had their heads so far up their ass. Even my own grandson is like, "Oh, the Vindicators are so cool." I mean, he's a moron, it's their... demographic. But you're different, Noob-Noob. Morty: ...Motherfucker! Drunk Rick: You're fucking cool! And you're smart! And I bet we coulda hung out and shit! And I hope you get to be a full-fledged Vindicator! A-And d-do me a favor. Do-Don't let him know I... I got emotional. But you can tell him one thing. Tell him I said... Oh, fuck. Okay, I just shit myself. Okay, later. Rick:	Drunk Rick: Sorry, I'm... not good at goodbyes. It looks like I'm never gonna see you again. I can't really roll with the hero types, and I don't... th-they don't want me around. But I want... you to know, even if I didn't show it at the time, II really appreciated you sticking by me. Drunk Rick: Goddammit, why am I crying? It makes no sense. Drunk Rick: Ugh, y-you're probably confused because we barely know each other... Drunk Rick: ...but you really stuck your neck out when you gave me props for my awesome jokes in the briefing room. Everybody else had their heads so far up their ass. Even my own grandson is like, "Oh, the Vindicators are so cool." I mean, he's a moron, it's their... demographic. But you're different, Noob-Noob. Morty: ...Motherfucker! Drunk Rick: You're fucking cool! And you're smart! And I bet we coulda hung out and shit! And I hope you get to be a full-fledged Vindicator! A-And d-do me a favor. Do-Don't let him know I... I got emotional. But you can tell him one thing. Tell him I said... Oh, fuck. Okay, I just shit myself. Okay, later. Rick: W--Dude, Morty, what happened i...?	W--Dude, Morty, what happened i...?
Rick: Really? You don't say. You would have used a ghost train? Hey, everybody, the ghost train guy would have used a ghost train! Alan: Man, fuck you. Rick: Is there coffee? Hey, Morty, can you be a pal? Grandpa left his coffee maker on the ship. Y-You know, the French press thing? Morty: Get it yourself. Rick: Little extra snippy this morning, aren't you? Morty: Just focus on the mission, all right? Rick:	Rick: Really? You don't say. You would have used a ghost train? Hey, everybody, the ghost train guy would have used a ghost train! Alan: Man, fuck you. Rick: Is there coffee? Hey, Morty, can you be a pal? Grandpa left his coffee maker on the ship. Y-You know, the French press thing? Morty: Get it yourself. Rick: Little extra snippy this morning, aren't you? Morty: Just focus on the mission, all right? Rick: Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you're right. Ooh, real serious. Gotta take it real serious, huh?	Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you're right. Ooh, real serious. Gotta take it real serious, huh?
Jerry: But— Rick: I told the both of you school is stupid. It's not how you learn things. Morty's a gifted child. He has a special mind. That's why he's my little helper. He's like me. He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life. He's too smart for school. He needs to keep hanging out and helping me. Beth: Jerry, I don't want whatever's happening here to stop. Jerry: No, I-I understand. Uh, maybe we overreacted. But he has to keep going to school. Rick: Okay, Jerry. You drive a hard bargain, but what am I supposed to do? Say no? You-you really wear the pants around here. I just want you to know, between us, from now on, it's gonna be clear communication. Summer: Frank Palicky was frozen to death today! Rick:	Jerry: But— Rick: I told the both of you school is stupid. It's not how you learn things. Morty's a gifted child. He has a special mind. That's why he's my little helper. He's like me. He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life. He's too smart for school. He needs to keep hanging out and helping me. Beth: Jerry, I don't want whatever's happening here to stop. Jerry: No, I-I understand. Uh, maybe we overreacted. But he has to keep going to school. Rick: Okay, Jerry. You drive a hard bargain, but what am I supposed to do? Say no? You-you really wear the pants around here. I just want you to know, between us, from now on, it's gonna be clear communication. Summer: Frank Palicky was frozen to death today! Rick: No idea what you're talking about.	No idea what you're talking about.
Morty: Get it yourself. Rick: Little extra snippy this morning, aren't you? Morty: Just focus on the mission, all right? Rick: Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you're right. Ooh, real serious. Gotta take it real serious, huh? Alan: Son of a steam engine! They're all dead! Vance: Well, he is the Worldender. The guy ends worlds. Kind of his thing. Rick:	Morty: Get it yourself. Rick: Little extra snippy this morning, aren't you? Morty: Just focus on the mission, all right? Rick: Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you're right. Ooh, real serious. Gotta take it real serious, huh? Alan: Son of a steam engine! They're all dead! Vance: Well, he is the Worldender. The guy ends worlds. Kind of his thing. Rick: Ooh, real scared. Real fucking on alert, high alwrt over here.	Ooh, real scared. Real fucking on alert, high alwrt over here.
Beth: Okay, I only ask, Jerry, because, as you know, my job involves performing heart surgery. Jerry: Well, yeah, on horses. Beth: Excuse me? Jerry: Okay, Let's not rehash that fight. I sense that you're busy and will now be on my way. Jerry: Whoa! What is this on the floor? Some kind of literature for a really nice-looking nursing home. Hey, honey, crazy idea bad pitch let's put your dad here. Let's put your dad in a nursing home. Beth: Hey, Tom! We know when we're losing him. WE CAN HEAR THE BEEPS! Rick:	Beth: Okay, I only ask, Jerry, because, as you know, my job involves performing heart surgery. Jerry: Well, yeah, on horses. Beth: Excuse me? Jerry: Okay, Let's not rehash that fight. I sense that you're busy and will now be on my way. Jerry: Whoa! What is this on the floor? Some kind of literature for a really nice-looking nursing home. Hey, honey, crazy idea bad pitch let's put your dad here. Let's put your dad in a nursing home. Beth: Hey, Tom! We know when we're losing him. WE CAN HEAR THE BEEPS! Rick: There she is. All right. Come on, Morty. Let's go.	There she is. All right. Come on, Morty. Let's go.
Cop Rick: You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing. Cop Morty: Oh, Grandpa Rick! I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore! I want to be a regular kid! I want to go to school and throw balls around and masturbate! Cop Rick: Same old story. Ricks killing Mortys. Rick J-22: A bad place, but you're going to a better one soon. Rick J-22: A portal to the Blender Dimension?! That's the oldest trick in the book! I'm a Rick! I'm more Rick than any of you!! Rick J-22: Then come and get me, motherfuckers!! Rick J-22:	Cop Rick: You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing. Cop Morty: Oh, Grandpa Rick! I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore! I want to be a regular kid! I want to go to school and throw balls around and masturbate! Cop Rick: Same old story. Ricks killing Mortys. Rick J-22: A bad place, but you're going to a better one soon. Rick J-22: A portal to the Blender Dimension?! That's the oldest trick in the book! I'm a Rick! I'm more Rick than any of you!! Rick J-22: Then come and get me, motherfuckers!! Rick J-22: Rick. And I'm--	Rick. And I'm--
Vance: Are you sure there's not just a picnic nearby. Rick: I guess he found his crowd. Pretty toothless stuff, guys. Rick: I hope you're happy with the adventure so far, Morty. These guys are even lamer than last time. Morty: We weren't here "last time", remember? They did a whole Vindicators without us. A bunch of them got killed, too. They lost Lady Katana, Calypso, Diablo Verde... Rick: Yikes. Yeah, things did feel less diverse in there. Morty: This article says the reason we weren't involved was... "personality conflicts". Rick:	Vance: Are you sure there's not just a picnic nearby. Rick: I guess he found his crowd. Pretty toothless stuff, guys. Rick: I hope you're happy with the adventure so far, Morty. These guys are even lamer than last time. Morty: We weren't here "last time", remember? They did a whole Vindicators without us. A bunch of them got killed, too. They lost Lady Katana, Calypso, Diablo Verde... Rick: Yikes. Yeah, things did feel less diverse in there. Morty: This article says the reason we weren't involved was... "personality conflicts". Rick: Don't worry, Morty, they love you. Superheroes need a wide-eyed unremarkable to tag along and react to everything like it's mind-blowing.	Don't worry, Morty, they love you. Superheroes need a wide-eyed unremarkable to tag along and react to everything like it's mind-blowing.
Rick: Jesus... How awesome is that? I mean, they wanted to not need me so bad, they murdered three innocent heroes of color, and they still had to bring me back? Morty: Rick, since it's my adventure and all, could you do me a favor? Rick: Uh, the adventure is the favor, Morty. Me sleeping on these linens is the favor. I mean, w-w-w-what--what are we vindicating? Comfort? Morty: Rick, this really bums me out. It-It's embarrassing to find out these guys don't like us. Rick: Why? Morty, I defeat gagoos more powerful than these guys every week. Morty: Yeah, but not heroes. Rick:	Rick: Jesus... How awesome is that? I mean, they wanted to not need me so bad, they murdered three innocent heroes of color, and they still had to bring me back? Morty: Rick, since it's my adventure and all, could you do me a favor? Rick: Uh, the adventure is the favor, Morty. Me sleeping on these linens is the favor. I mean, w-w-w-what--what are we vindicating? Comfort? Morty: Rick, this really bums me out. It-It's embarrassing to find out these guys don't like us. Rick: Why? Morty, I defeat gagoos more powerful than these guys every week. Morty: Yeah, but not heroes. Rick: Oh, please. They just call themselves heroes so they can...	Oh, please. They just call themselves heroes so they can...
President: I hope I can call on you again if we need you, Morty. Morty: Sure thing! And I was kinda hoping that I could get a selfie with you? President: Actually, if you try to tell anyone what happened here, we’ll deny it and probably worse. Morty: Understood. Nathan: DIIIIEEEE!!!! President: Why didn’t he turn into a snake? Rick:	President: I hope I can call on you again if we need you, Morty. Morty: Sure thing! And I was kinda hoping that I could get a selfie with you? President: Actually, if you try to tell anyone what happened here, we’ll deny it and probably worse. Morty: Understood. Nathan: DIIIIEEEE!!!! President: Why didn’t he turn into a snake? Rick: Trade secret, Mr. President. Particle beam in a wristwatch… snake holster on the leg.	Trade secret, Mr. President. Particle beam in a wristwatch… snake holster on the leg.
Morty: Oh! Rick: Uh oh. Jerry: Yeah, I like it this way. I'm not stupid. Morty: Phew... Rick: Man that guy is the Red Grin Grumble to pretending he knows what's going on. Oh you agree, huh? You like that Red Grin Grumble reference? Well guess what? I made him up. You really are your father's children. Think for yourselves, don't be sheep. Summer: God, I feel terrible. Rick:	Morty: Oh! Rick: Uh oh. Jerry: Yeah, I like it this way. I'm not stupid. Morty: Phew... Rick: Man that guy is the Red Grin Grumble to pretending he knows what's going on. Oh you agree, huh? You like that Red Grin Grumble reference? Well guess what? I made him up. You really are your father's children. Think for yourselves, don't be sheep. Summer: God, I feel terrible. Rick: Yup, it really makes you appreciate how fickle the universe can be. One minute you're falling off a roof for six months, the next minute, bam!	Yup, it really makes you appreciate how fickle the universe can be. One minute you're falling off a roof for six months, the next minute, bam!
Pickle Rick: Oh, crap, that sun is bright. Pickle Rick: Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet. Pickle Rick: So... hot. This is how I'm gonna die. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, moisture. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here! Pickle Rick: Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick:	Pickle Rick: Oh, crap, that sun is bright. Pickle Rick: Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet. Pickle Rick: So... hot. This is how I'm gonna die. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, moisture. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here! Pickle Rick: Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular!	Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular!
Morty: Yeah. Rick: You can get his number later. Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here. You got to get those seeds out of your ass. Jerry: Oh, look, honey. It's our son with Albert Ein-douche. Beth: What? Jerry: I'm an angry father, not an improviser. Rick: Oh, hi, Jerry. Oh, my goodness, Morty! What are you doing out of class? We talked about this. Your-your parents and I are very disappointed in-in this behavior... No? No takers? Rick:	Morty: Yeah. Rick: You can get his number later. Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here. You got to get those seeds out of your ass. Jerry: Oh, look, honey. It's our son with Albert Ein-douche. Beth: What? Jerry: I'm an angry father, not an improviser. Rick: Oh, hi, Jerry. Oh, my goodness, Morty! What are you doing out of class? We talked about this. Your-your parents and I are very disappointed in-in this behavior... No? No takers? Rick: You guys should really not be touching that stuff. It's beyond your reasoning.	You guys should really not be touching that stuff. It's beyond your reasoning.
Supernova: Just let Titty-Bean do this, Snuzzles. It's for the greater good. Morty: Greater good?! Rick: Titty-Bean? Supernova: It's like you said, Morty Morty: Never said that! Supernova: It's the galaxy's faith in the Vindicators that keeps the galaxy secure! Rick:	Supernova: Just let Titty-Bean do this, Snuzzles. It's for the greater good. Morty: Greater good?! Rick: Titty-Bean? Supernova: It's like you said, Morty Morty: Never said that! Supernova: It's the galaxy's faith in the Vindicators that keeps the galaxy secure! Rick: Yeah, I feel safer already.	Yeah, I feel safer already.
Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators? Rick: Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack. Drunk Rick: If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in "Sawwww". Rick: Well, I-I-I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this. Drunk Rick: Okay, here we go, room number one. The Vindicators are known throughout the galaxy, but do they know yourselves? Do you know yourselves? Match your... your shit, your... your gimmicks with your faces and y-you get it, it's a matching thing. And do it in three minutes, or you'll all die. Vance: Screw this. I'm not playing his game. I'm gonna find us a way out of here. Rick:	Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators? Rick: Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack. Drunk Rick: If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in "Sawwww". Rick: Well, I-I-I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this. Drunk Rick: Okay, here we go, room number one. The Vindicators are known throughout the galaxy, but do they know yourselves? Do you know yourselves? Match your... your shit, your... your gimmicks with your faces and y-you get it, it's a matching thing. And do it in three minutes, or you'll all die. Vance: Screw this. I'm not playing his game. I'm gonna find us a way out of here. Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Vance. He said you'd die if you tried to leave. That means there's booby traps.	Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Vance. He said you'd die if you tried to leave. That means there's booby traps.
Morty: I think... no matter what we put on there, we die. he said it's the part of the Vindicators he values. That means nothing. He wants our last moment alive to be spent knowing how few fucks he gave. Supernova: Jesus! Okay, open to second opinions! Rick: I could--It could be Morty. Morty: What? Rick: Hey, I don't know. I mean, look, when I get drunk, I get stupid and emotional and there's no logic to it. it's, like, possible I got so drunk, I felt like I was losing Morty to the Vindicators, and maybe this is my way of saying "Okay, you can have him, but only if you know how important he is, otherwise I'll kill you." Million Ants: That is a... really specific guess. Rick:	Morty: I think... no matter what we put on there, we die. he said it's the part of the Vindicators he values. That means nothing. He wants our last moment alive to be spent knowing how few fucks he gave. Supernova: Jesus! Okay, open to second opinions! Rick: I could--It could be Morty. Morty: What? Rick: Hey, I don't know. I mean, look, when I get drunk, I get stupid and emotional and there's no logic to it. it's, like, possible I got so drunk, I felt like I was losing Morty to the Vindicators, and maybe this is my way of saying "Okay, you can have him, but only if you know how important he is, otherwise I'll kill you." Million Ants: That is a... really specific guess. Rick: Look, I... there's nothing in the room but us. I'm just using logic to connect some dots. It's the best guess I've got.	Look, I... there's nothing in the room but us. I'm just using logic to connect some dots. It's the best guess I've got.
Rick: That's my one-armed man! I'm not driven by avenging my dead family, Morty! That was fake. I-I-I'm driven by finding that McNugget sauce. Morty: McNuggets? Rick: I want that "Mulan" McNugget sauce, Morty! That's my series arc, Morty. Morty: What the hell? Rick: If it takes nine seasons, I want my McNugget dipping sauce, Szechuan sauce, Morty. Morty: What are you talking about, Rick? Rick:	Rick: That's my one-armed man! I'm not driven by avenging my dead family, Morty! That was fake. I-I-I'm driven by finding that McNugget sauce. Morty: McNuggets? Rick: I want that "Mulan" McNugget sauce, Morty! That's my series arc, Morty. Morty: What the hell? Rick: If it takes nine seasons, I want my McNugget dipping sauce, Szechuan sauce, Morty. Morty: What are you talking about, Rick? Rick: That's what's gonna take us all the way to the end, Morty.	That's what's gonna take us all the way to the end, Morty.
Pickle Rick: Yes. Dr. Wong: Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? Pickle Rick: So I wouldn't have to come here. Dr. Wong: Why didn't you want to come here? Pickle Rick: Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle. When I feel like it. So...you asked. Dr. Wong: Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk -to belittle my vocation- just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some pee well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose. Pickle Rick:	Pickle Rick: Yes. Dr. Wong: Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? Pickle Rick: So I wouldn't have to come here. Dr. Wong: Why didn't you want to come here? Pickle Rick: Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle. When I feel like it. So...you asked. Dr. Wong: Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk -to belittle my vocation- just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some pee well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose. Pickle Rick: I, um I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. I, I shouldn't lie to you.	I, um I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. I, I shouldn't lie to you.
Alan: Son of a steam engine! They're all dead! Vance: Well, he is the Worldender. The guy ends worlds. Kind of his thing. Rick: Ooh, real scared. Real fucking on alert, high alwrt over here. Vance: What the FUCK?! Supernova: It's Worldender! What happened to him? Million Ants: I sense his life force is fading. Rick:	Alan: Son of a steam engine! They're all dead! Vance: Well, he is the Worldender. The guy ends worlds. Kind of his thing. Rick: Ooh, real scared. Real fucking on alert, high alwrt over here. Vance: What the FUCK?! Supernova: It's Worldender! What happened to him? Million Ants: I sense his life force is fading. Rick: Million Ants, ladies and gentleman! The ant colony with the power of two human eyes!	Million Ants, ladies and gentleman! The ant colony with the power of two human eyes!
Morty: Rick, I think we need to cut our losses. We get our family and portal out of here! Rick: Morty! Good music comes from people who are relaxed. Just hit a button, Morty! Gimme a beat! Morty: Oh man, ok, all right, um… Rick: Ahhhhh yeahhhhh Ya gotta get schwifty Ya gotta get schwifty in here It’s time to get schwifty Nathan: Get… schwifty? What the hell is that? President: It’s our world’s best effort, that’s what. Rick:	Morty: Rick, I think we need to cut our losses. We get our family and portal out of here! Rick: Morty! Good music comes from people who are relaxed. Just hit a button, Morty! Gimme a beat! Morty: Oh man, ok, all right, um… Rick: Ahhhhh yeahhhhh Ya gotta get schwifty Ya gotta get schwifty in here It’s time to get schwifty Nathan: Get… schwifty? What the hell is that? President: It’s our world’s best effort, that’s what. Rick: Take off your pants and your panties Shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here I’m Mr. Bulldops	Take off your pants and your panties Shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here I’m Mr. Bulldops
Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know me! Mr. Goldenfold: ' Nice, Mrs. Pancakes real nice. Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know me! Rick: Uh-oh! Spoilers! Rick: I'm a full season behind. Morty: Wow, Rick, I can't believe we're sitting around, standing around in Mr. Goldenfold's house. It's really weird. Rick:	Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know me! Mr. Goldenfold: ' Nice, Mrs. Pancakes real nice. Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know me! Rick: Uh-oh! Spoilers! Rick: I'm a full season behind. Morty: Wow, Rick, I can't believe we're sitting around, standing around in Mr. Goldenfold's house. It's really weird. Rick: It's about to get a whole lot weirder, Morty.	It's about to get a whole lot weirder, Morty.
Vet: Look, I don't know what the law says about this, but I took an oath that I would let no animal come to harm. Except when sterilizing, aborting or euthenizing them and also when eating them at almost any meal. Beth: In your dreams, bitch! Scalpel! All Ricks: So in conclusion, you're both equally mercurial, overly sensitive, clingy hysterical bird brained homunculi. And I honestly can't tell the two of you half the time because I don't go by height or age, I go by amount of pain in my ass, which makes you both identical. Alright, everything resolved? Everybody nice and certain about their position in my world? All Ricks: Alright, perfect. Sit still, arms down, I'm gonna do this again, this time, be like Grampa. Morty 2: You mean drunk? Morty 2: No. All Ricks:	Vet: Look, I don't know what the law says about this, but I took an oath that I would let no animal come to harm. Except when sterilizing, aborting or euthenizing them and also when eating them at almost any meal. Beth: In your dreams, bitch! Scalpel! All Ricks: So in conclusion, you're both equally mercurial, overly sensitive, clingy hysterical bird brained homunculi. And I honestly can't tell the two of you half the time because I don't go by height or age, I go by amount of pain in my ass, which makes you both identical. Alright, everything resolved? Everybody nice and certain about their position in my world? All Ricks: Alright, perfect. Sit still, arms down, I'm gonna do this again, this time, be like Grampa. Morty 2: You mean drunk? Morty 2: No. All Ricks: Huh, that's weird. Oh, my God.	Huh, that's weird. Oh, my God.
Rick: Anyway, that's how I escaped from space prison! Oh, scary place. Morty: Wow, Rick! That's -- That's one -- one heck of a story. I sure do wish I could have been there to see it happen. Rick: Oh, come on. Who wants to watch a mad scientist use handmade sci-fi tools to take out highly trained alien guards when we can sit here and be a family at Shoney's? Beth: Dad, it's great to have you back, no matter where we are, but wouldn't you like to go home? Rick: Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home. Jerry: Yeah, but you just got out of prison. I mean, how much of a step up from that is -- Rick:	Rick: Anyway, that's how I escaped from space prison! Oh, scary place. Morty: Wow, Rick! That's -- That's one -- one heck of a story. I sure do wish I could have been there to see it happen. Rick: Oh, come on. Who wants to watch a mad scientist use handmade sci-fi tools to take out highly trained alien guards when we can sit here and be a family at Shoney's? Beth: Dad, it's great to have you back, no matter where we are, but wouldn't you like to go home? Rick: Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home. Jerry: Yeah, but you just got out of prison. I mean, how much of a step up from that is -- Rick: Jerry, get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself 12 times.	Jerry, get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself 12 times.
Morty: Oh, geez, okay. Morty: Oh, man, Rick. What is this place? Rick: It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of tree, Morty, called a Mega Tree, and there's fruit in those trees, and there's seeds in those fruits. I'm talking about Mega Seeds. They're they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty. Morty: Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing. Rick: All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be— Rick: HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!! Rick:	Morty: Oh, geez, okay. Morty: Oh, man, Rick. What is this place? Rick: It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of tree, Morty, called a Mega Tree, and there's fruit in those trees, and there's seeds in those fruits. I'm talking about Mega Seeds. They're they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty. Morty: Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing. Rick: All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be— Rick: HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!! Rick: I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty!	I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty!
Rick: Don't let any of those things get away, Morty. If their DNA gets into Earth's food chain, our entire species could be sterilized. Morty: Then why aren't we killing them?! Rick: Great. Next time I need a species sterilized, who's gonna do it for me? You? Morty: Oh, Rick! I-Is that the Vindibeacon? We're being called to assemble by the Vindicators! Rick: I refuse to answer a literal call to adventure, Morty. Let it go to voicemail! Morty: Rick, the Vindicators only call when the universe itself is at stake! They're first line of defense against evil! They're the guardians of the unguarded! Rick:	Rick: Don't let any of those things get away, Morty. If their DNA gets into Earth's food chain, our entire species could be sterilized. Morty: Then why aren't we killing them?! Rick: Great. Next time I need a species sterilized, who's gonna do it for me? You? Morty: Oh, Rick! I-Is that the Vindibeacon? We're being called to assemble by the Vindicators! Rick: I refuse to answer a literal call to adventure, Morty. Let it go to voicemail! Morty: Rick, the Vindicators only call when the universe itself is at stake! They're first line of defense against evil! They're the guardians of the unguarded! Rick: They're the writers of their own press releases, Morty! They're a bunch of drama queens that spend an hour talking and twenty minutes jumping around while shit blows up. They're a phase. We did one, it was the big event of that summer. Let it die.	They're the writers of their own press releases, Morty! They're a bunch of drama queens that spend an hour talking and twenty minutes jumping around while shit blows up. They're a phase. We did one, it was the big event of that summer. Let it die.
Testicle Monster A: I told you past the dinosaurs. Testicle Monster A: Come on, man, it's this way... Testicle Monster A: There he is, there he is, there he is, there he is, stop, stop. Testicle Monster A: Yeah, that's him. Hey, man, remember me? I got something for your ass! You don't mess with time! You don't fuck with time, motherfucker! Jerry: The trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk. Beth: Jerry, get a job. Rick:	Testicle Monster A: I told you past the dinosaurs. Testicle Monster A: Come on, man, it's this way... Testicle Monster A: There he is, there he is, there he is, there he is, stop, stop. Testicle Monster A: Yeah, that's him. Hey, man, remember me? I got something for your ass! You don't mess with time! You don't fuck with time, motherfucker! Jerry: The trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk. Beth: Jerry, get a job. Rick: Uh, w-why don't you get it Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job.	Uh, w-why don't you get it Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job.
Rick: Oh, man Morty. How DID she get there? Beth: Is that something we should be concerned about? Rick: Just stay away from the coffee machine. Announcer: In a world, where there are eight Jan-Michael Vincent's. Announcer: And sixteen quadrants. There's only enough time for a Jan-Michael Vincent to make it to a quadrant. He can't be in two quadrants at once. Morty: Rick, who-who is Jan-Michael Vincent? Rick:	Rick: Oh, man Morty. How DID she get there? Beth: Is that something we should be concerned about? Rick: Just stay away from the coffee machine. Announcer: In a world, where there are eight Jan-Michael Vincent's. Announcer: And sixteen quadrants. There's only enough time for a Jan-Michael Vincent to make it to a quadrant. He can't be in two quadrants at once. Morty: Rick, who-who is Jan-Michael Vincent? Rick: Oh man, I'm trying to remember Morty.	Oh man, I'm trying to remember Morty.
Pickle Rick: The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, which they can't, would be because they could, which they can't. Beth: Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late. Where's your grandpa? Pickle Rick: Right here, sweetie. I'm a pickle! Beth: What?! Why would you -- Look, we're running late. We have to go. Pickle Rick: Where are you guys going? Beth: We have an appointment downtown that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, including you. Pickle Rick:	Pickle Rick: The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, which they can't, would be because they could, which they can't. Beth: Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late. Where's your grandpa? Pickle Rick: Right here, sweetie. I'm a pickle! Beth: What?! Why would you -- Look, we're running late. We have to go. Pickle Rick: Where are you guys going? Beth: We have an appointment downtown that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, including you. Pickle Rick: Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind. Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle. I mean, I don't know if I can, ooh, geez.	Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind. Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle. I mean, I don't know if I can, ooh, geez.
Pickle Rick: Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular! Pickle Rick: Oh, shiiit! Oh! Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Come on. That's it. Pickle Rick: Come get this delicious brine. Pickle Rick: Aah! Come on! Come on, motherfucker! Come on! Pickle Rick:	Pickle Rick: Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular! Pickle Rick: Oh, shiiit! Oh! Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Come on. That's it. Pickle Rick: Come get this delicious brine. Pickle Rick: Aah! Come on! Come on, motherfucker! Come on! Pickle Rick: Yes!	Yes!
Summer: I don't know. It's Indian giving. Summer: Aw! Oh, my God! He recognizes the other dogs on TV. Rick: Holy crap! We have to escape into someone else's dreams, Morty! Morty: Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man! Rick: The little girl! Morty: Huh? Rick:	Summer: I don't know. It's Indian giving. Summer: Aw! Oh, my God! He recognizes the other dogs on TV. Rick: Holy crap! We have to escape into someone else's dreams, Morty! Morty: Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man! Rick: The little girl! Morty: Huh? Rick: Are you kidding me? This again? Oh, man, it looks like we've hit dream bedrock here, Morty.	Are you kidding me? This again? Oh, man, it looks like we've hit dream bedrock here, Morty.
All Ricks: Oh God, now there's three of them, we're outnumbered! Get in the cupboards! Wait, don't don't do that, they'll know... wait wait, think about getting in the cupboards but don't really. AAAAH IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT YOU SICK FUCKS? YOU WANNA SEE CHILDREN DIE? Beth: You son of a bitch, you don't stop living until I SAY SO! Vet: Who's this now? Jerry: She normally works on horses. Beth: Jerry, if you're not gonna help, get the fuck out of here! I will reach into heaven and yank your screaming deer soul back! Vet: Jesus... All Ricks:	All Ricks: Oh God, now there's three of them, we're outnumbered! Get in the cupboards! Wait, don't don't do that, they'll know... wait wait, think about getting in the cupboards but don't really. AAAAH IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT YOU SICK FUCKS? YOU WANNA SEE CHILDREN DIE? Beth: You son of a bitch, you don't stop living until I SAY SO! Vet: Who's this now? Jerry: She normally works on horses. Beth: Jerry, if you're not gonna help, get the fuck out of here! I will reach into heaven and yank your screaming deer soul back! Vet: Jesus... All Ricks: Shh shh... I know where you are, you creepy old monster... I know how you think! Oh, is this where you think I'm going? You think I'm standing here? Well maybe you're right!	Shh shh... I know where you are, you creepy old monster... I know how you think! Oh, is this where you think I'm going? You think I'm standing here? Well maybe you're right!
Morty: What? Rick: Hey, I don't know. I mean, look, when I get drunk, I get stupid and emotional and there's no logic to it. it's, like, possible I got so drunk, I felt like I was losing Morty to the Vindicators, and maybe this is my way of saying "Okay, you can have him, but only if you know how important he is, otherwise I'll kill you." Million Ants: That is a... really specific guess. Rick: Look, I... there's nothing in the room but us. I'm just using logic to connect some dots. It's the best guess I've got. Supernova: But you're betting our lives on it. Morty: I'll cover that bet. I get it. Rick:	Morty: What? Rick: Hey, I don't know. I mean, look, when I get drunk, I get stupid and emotional and there's no logic to it. it's, like, possible I got so drunk, I felt like I was losing Morty to the Vindicators, and maybe this is my way of saying "Okay, you can have him, but only if you know how important he is, otherwise I'll kill you." Million Ants: That is a... really specific guess. Rick: Look, I... there's nothing in the room but us. I'm just using logic to connect some dots. It's the best guess I've got. Supernova: But you're betting our lives on it. Morty: I'll cover that bet. I get it. Rick: Well, Morty, I think you're making that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment. I am not being coy about some hidden love for you. I want to be really clear that, if anyone has a better guess, like, if I gave you an amulet last night, or...	Well, Morty, I think you're making that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment. I am not being coy about some hidden love for you. I want to be really clear that, if anyone has a better guess, like, if I gave you an amulet last night, or...
Morty: Who? Who was that, Rick? Rick: That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy. Rick: Don't let any of those things get away, Morty. If their DNA gets into Earth's food chain, our entire species could be sterilized. Morty: Then why aren't we killing them?! Rick: Great. Next time I need a species sterilized, who's gonna do it for me? You? Morty: Oh, Rick! I-Is that the Vindibeacon? We're being called to assemble by the Vindicators! Rick:	Morty: Who? Who was that, Rick? Rick: That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy. Rick: Don't let any of those things get away, Morty. If their DNA gets into Earth's food chain, our entire species could be sterilized. Morty: Then why aren't we killing them?! Rick: Great. Next time I need a species sterilized, who's gonna do it for me? You? Morty: Oh, Rick! I-Is that the Vindibeacon? We're being called to assemble by the Vindicators! Rick: I refuse to answer a literal call to adventure, Morty. Let it go to voicemail!	I refuse to answer a literal call to adventure, Morty. Let it go to voicemail!
Snuffles: Snuffles want to be understood. Snuffles need to be understood. Jerry: Okay, yeah. I get what Beth was talking about. Fun's over. Summer: Whoa, dad, you can't, like, endow a creature with sentience and then rip it away. Jerry: Why not? Summer: I don't know. It's Indian giving. Summer: Aw! Oh, my God! He recognizes the other dogs on TV. Rick:	Snuffles: Snuffles want to be understood. Snuffles need to be understood. Jerry: Okay, yeah. I get what Beth was talking about. Fun's over. Summer: Whoa, dad, you can't, like, endow a creature with sentience and then rip it away. Jerry: Why not? Summer: I don't know. It's Indian giving. Summer: Aw! Oh, my God! He recognizes the other dogs on TV. Rick: Holy crap! We have to escape into someone else's dreams, Morty!	Holy crap! We have to escape into someone else's dreams, Morty!
Jerry: I can't believe how mean snuffles got just because he's smart. Summer: This is why I choose to get C's. Rick: Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer. Morty: - Dad! - Rick! Rick: If we hurry we can set up camp in a sewer tunnel or something before the dogs completely take over. Jerry: Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not going anywhere. This is my house. I'm not abandoning it. Rick:	Jerry: I can't believe how mean snuffles got just because he's smart. Summer: This is why I choose to get C's. Rick: Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer. Morty: - Dad! - Rick! Rick: If we hurry we can set up camp in a sewer tunnel or something before the dogs completely take over. Jerry: Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not going anywhere. This is my house. I'm not abandoning it. Rick: It's all over, Jerry. The dogs are on a path to total world domination. But, hey, at least they know not to piss on your carpet, right?	It's all over, Jerry. The dogs are on a path to total world domination. But, hey, at least they know not to piss on your carpet, right?
Testicle Monster A: What the fuck?! Your time is all ripped up to hell! You broke your time, twice! Testicle Monster A: How did this happen? Testicle Monster A: Shut the fuck up! Oh, damn, I'm from the 4th dimension. I can hear all o' y'all. Now let's just see what we got here for a second. Testicle Monster A: Ay, damn it, were you tryin' to use this to- oh, see, you broke time, and you thought you could just stick it back together with this? How you think you gonna move time while you're standin in it you dumn ass three-dimensional monkey ass dummies? All Mortys: Oh way to go, Rick. All Summers: Yeah Grampa, way to go. All Ricks:	Testicle Monster A: What the fuck?! Your time is all ripped up to hell! You broke your time, twice! Testicle Monster A: How did this happen? Testicle Monster A: Shut the fuck up! Oh, damn, I'm from the 4th dimension. I can hear all o' y'all. Now let's just see what we got here for a second. Testicle Monster A: Ay, damn it, were you tryin' to use this to- oh, see, you broke time, and you thought you could just stick it back together with this? How you think you gonna move time while you're standin in it you dumn ass three-dimensional monkey ass dummies? All Mortys: Oh way to go, Rick. All Summers: Yeah Grampa, way to go. All Ricks: Oh, what you're just gonna listen to this guy now? He's got a giant testicle for a head! He came here in a bubble. For all we know he could be the David Berkowitz of Nutsack Land.	Oh, what you're just gonna listen to this guy now? He's got a giant testicle for a head! He came here in a bubble. For all we know he could be the David Berkowitz of Nutsack Land.
All Mortys: I think I'm certain we're F'd in the A. All Ricks: Oh God, my head. What did you guys do? All Mortys: We put you in a dog crate because you were acting crazy, and you caused another time fracture. All Summers: You tried to kill yourself! All Ricks: Only in self defense, myself tried to kill me first! Guys, I don't expect you to understand this, but time breaking twice means our problem is two times bigger and we've got half as much time to solve it. Well actually, I do expect you to understand that, it's basic math. C-could someone just let me out of here? If I die in a cage I lose a bet. All Summers: Well is there some way you can prove you're not a threat to yourself and others anymore? All Ricks:	All Mortys: I think I'm certain we're F'd in the A. All Ricks: Oh God, my head. What did you guys do? All Mortys: We put you in a dog crate because you were acting crazy, and you caused another time fracture. All Summers: You tried to kill yourself! All Ricks: Only in self defense, myself tried to kill me first! Guys, I don't expect you to understand this, but time breaking twice means our problem is two times bigger and we've got half as much time to solve it. Well actually, I do expect you to understand that, it's basic math. C-could someone just let me out of here? If I die in a cage I lose a bet. All Summers: Well is there some way you can prove you're not a threat to yourself and others anymore? All Ricks: Ah, for God's sake, alright here, give me the time crystal.	Ah, for God's sake, alright here, give me the time crystal.
Rick: Whoops! Uh, Morty, you might want to freeze some sperm. Supernova: Vindicators, Worldender is back... Supernova: ..and this time, he's out to end more than worlds. We have reason to believe his stronghold is located on... Rick: My balls. Morty: Rick! Supernova: ...the Terraneus system. Once in range, Million Ants will scan for pheromone activity, which should lead us to the location of the base. Rick:	Rick: Whoops! Uh, Morty, you might want to freeze some sperm. Supernova: Vindicators, Worldender is back... Supernova: ..and this time, he's out to end more than worlds. We have reason to believe his stronghold is located on... Rick: My balls. Morty: Rick! Supernova: ...the Terraneus system. Once in range, Million Ants will scan for pheromone activity, which should lead us to the location of the base. Rick: Oh, that's Million Ants. I can't see the ants over here. It just assumed that was, uh, Turd Man. Wiggly Turd Man.	Oh, that's Million Ants. I can't see the ants over here. It just assumed that was, uh, Turd Man. Wiggly Turd Man.
Morty 2: And you did it so you could clean the house after a party? All Ricks: Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, Morty. Like literally no time. Look around. Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable. Eventually everything either is or isn't. And we've got about four hours to be “is”. Morty 1: Or... Morty 2: Or? All Ricks: We “isn't” All Ricks: Alright, since this time crystal exists in both possibilities, and since it's impossible that I didn't nail this, I'm probably about to press this button in both possibilities at exactly the same time. All Ricks:	Morty 2: And you did it so you could clean the house after a party? All Ricks: Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, Morty. Like literally no time. Look around. Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable. Eventually everything either is or isn't. And we've got about four hours to be “is”. Morty 1: Or... Morty 2: Or? All Ricks: We “isn't” All Ricks: Alright, since this time crystal exists in both possibilities, and since it's impossible that I didn't nail this, I'm probably about to press this button in both possibilities at exactly the same time. All Ricks: Whatever you're asking, the answer is I'm amazing. And away we go!	Whatever you're asking, the answer is I'm amazing. And away we go!
Rick: I dabble, Mr. President. President: Get this man and his grandson on a Blackhawk to Area 51. Principal Vagina: Hi, Principal Vagina. The name’s real, possibly Scandinavian. I’m just gonna come out and make this pitch. The old gods are dead. Fuck all previous existing religions. All hail the one true god, the giant head in the sky. Principal Vagina: Ah, di di di di. Bob, Bob, I get it. But unless this can beat that… what have you done for me lately? So if you wanna excuse me, I’m going out on the sidewalk and dropping to my knees and pledging my eternal soul to the thing that literally controls the fucking weather! Outta my way! Mr. Goldenfold: Ohhhh, this is my favorite part! Morty: Rick, are you really a musician? Rick:	Rick: I dabble, Mr. President. President: Get this man and his grandson on a Blackhawk to Area 51. Principal Vagina: Hi, Principal Vagina. The name’s real, possibly Scandinavian. I’m just gonna come out and make this pitch. The old gods are dead. Fuck all previous existing religions. All hail the one true god, the giant head in the sky. Principal Vagina: Ah, di di di di. Bob, Bob, I get it. But unless this can beat that… what have you done for me lately? So if you wanna excuse me, I’m going out on the sidewalk and dropping to my knees and pledging my eternal soul to the thing that literally controls the fucking weather! Outta my way! Mr. Goldenfold: Ohhhh, this is my favorite part! Morty: Rick, are you really a musician? Rick: Who’s NOT a musician, Morty?	Who’s NOT a musician, Morty?