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All Ricks: So in conclusion, you're both equally mercurial, overly sensitive, clingy hysterical bird brained homunculi. And I honestly can't tell the two of you half the time because I don't go by height or age, I go by amount of pain in my ass, which makes you both identical. Alright, everything resolved? Everybody nice and certain about their position in my world? All Ricks: Alright, perfect. Sit still, arms down, I'm gonna do this again, this time, be like Grampa. Morty 2: You mean drunk? Morty 2: No. All Ricks: Huh, that's weird. Oh, my God. All Summers: What? All Ricks:

All Ricks: So in conclusion, you're both equally mercurial, overly sensitive, clingy hysterical bird brained homunculi. And I honestly can't tell the two of you half the time because I don't go by height or age, I go by amount of pain in my ass, which makes you both identical. Alright, everything resolved? Everybody nice and certain about their position in my world? All Ricks: Alright, perfect. Sit still, arms down, I'm gonna do this again, this time, be like Grampa. Morty 2: You mean drunk? Morty 2: No. All Ricks: Huh, that's weird. Oh, my God. All Summers: What? All Ricks: That son of a bitch is gonna kill me!

That son of a bitch is gonna kill me!

Candidate Morty: That doesn't sound like Rick work. You didn't come to the Citadel to be a plumber, did you? Candidate Morty: This is just like a Morty baby! Candidate Morty: Hey! Did you end up getting a new job? Campaign Manager Morty: Yeah, I did. Assassinating you! Candidate Morty: I'm okay... I'm okay... I'm... Ohh... Cop Rick: No thank you, and bad math. Cop Rick:

Candidate Morty: That doesn't sound like Rick work. You didn't come to the Citadel to be a plumber, did you? Candidate Morty: This is just like a Morty baby! Candidate Morty: Hey! Did you end up getting a new job? Campaign Manager Morty: Yeah, I did. Assassinating you! Candidate Morty: I'm okay... I'm okay... I'm... Ohh... Cop Rick: No thank you, and bad math. Cop Rick: What is the place?

What is the place?

Million Ants: I have no stake in this. Rick: I don't either. I-I'm just saying, if anything, the drunk version of me is probably so supportive of Israel, he wants what's best for it and... Million Ants: Hey, man, I'm not touching this. You do you. Drunk Rick: Aloha... means hello and goodbye in Hawaii. But, uh, aloha means... has nothing to do with this room. I'm so fucking drunk. Ugh, okay, here's the deal. I-I want to rest my eyes for a little bit. I'm--I'm not going to sleep. I just... just need to rest my eye, so let's make this one simple. Just try to hit some three-pointers. Drunk Rick: let's say... you have to hit... five three-pointers in... five minutes or, I don't know, the whole place--the whole planet will get blown up with a n-neutrino bomb. And try to make it a-a lesson about yourselves like, like how... selfish you a-are, or something. Also, Hawaii. Morty: You guys hit the baskets. I'll disarm the drunkenly-improvised neutrino bomb. There's a 40% chance it's a dud, but y-you should still stay back. Rick:

Million Ants: I have no stake in this. Rick: I don't either. I-I'm just saying, if anything, the drunk version of me is probably so supportive of Israel, he wants what's best for it and... Million Ants: Hey, man, I'm not touching this. You do you. Drunk Rick: Aloha... means hello and goodbye in Hawaii. But, uh, aloha means... has nothing to do with this room. I'm so fucking drunk. Ugh, okay, here's the deal. I-I want to rest my eyes for a little bit. I'm--I'm not going to sleep. I just... just need to rest my eye, so let's make this one simple. Just try to hit some three-pointers. Drunk Rick: let's say... you have to hit... five three-pointers in... five minutes or, I don't know, the whole place--the whole planet will get blown up with a n-neutrino bomb. And try to make it a-a lesson about yourselves like, like how... selfish you a-are, or something. Also, Hawaii. Morty: You guys hit the baskets. I'll disarm the drunkenly-improvised neutrino bomb. There's a 40% chance it's a dud, but y-you should still stay back. Rick: Morty, how many of these...?

Morty, how many of these...?

Summer: I was right. He turned himself in on purpose. It was all part of his plan! Rick: Jerry, is there any light beer left? It's insane what you miss in prison. Jerry: Um..okay. No. No, no, no. Foot down time. Rick: No, you're right. Where's the vodka? Jerry: Beth, it's him or me! Rick: Seems like you guys need some privacy. I'll, uh -- I'll be in the garage. Rick:

Summer: I was right. He turned himself in on purpose. It was all part of his plan! Rick: Jerry, is there any light beer left? It's insane what you miss in prison. Jerry: Um..okay. No. No, no, no. Foot down time. Rick: No, you're right. Where's the vodka? Jerry: Beth, it's him or me! Rick: Seems like you guys need some privacy. I'll, uh -- I'll be in the garage. Rick: What the fuck? Not cool, Jerry! A man's garage is his castle.

What the fuck? Not cool, Jerry! A man's garage is his castle.

Rick: Hey, I can't help if I can't see. Alan: I could've just used a ghost train. Rick: Really? You don't say. You would have used a ghost train? Hey, everybody, the ghost train guy would have used a ghost train! Alan: Man, fuck you. Rick: Is there coffee? Hey, Morty, can you be a pal? Grandpa left his coffee maker on the ship. Y-You know, the French press thing? Morty: Get it yourself. Rick:

Rick: Hey, I can't help if I can't see. Alan: I could've just used a ghost train. Rick: Really? You don't say. You would have used a ghost train? Hey, everybody, the ghost train guy would have used a ghost train! Alan: Man, fuck you. Rick: Is there coffee? Hey, Morty, can you be a pal? Grandpa left his coffee maker on the ship. Y-You know, the French press thing? Morty: Get it yourself. Rick: Little extra snippy this morning, aren't you?

Little extra snippy this morning, aren't you?

Beth: We have an appointment downtown that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, including you. Pickle Rick: Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind. Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle. I mean, I don't know if I can, ooh, geez. Morty: Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling? Beth: Morty! Pickle Rick: It's okay, Beth. I understand Morty's suspicion. I've misled him before. Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact.Morty, I assure you, I would never "find a way" to "get out of" family therapy. I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent the perception of my air quotes. Summer: Can't you just turn yourself back into a human? Pickle Rick:

Beth: We have an appointment downtown that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, including you. Pickle Rick: Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind. Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle. I mean, I don't know if I can, ooh, geez. Morty: Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling? Beth: Morty! Pickle Rick: It's okay, Beth. I understand Morty's suspicion. I've misled him before. Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact.Morty, I assure you, I would never "find a way" to "get out of" family therapy. I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent the perception of my air quotes. Summer: Can't you just turn yourself back into a human? Pickle Rick: Great question, Summer. The unfortunate answer is I did this to challenge myself. And it could take hours or even days before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form. But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me in a purse or a pocket, you know, if she really needs me to go.

Great question, Summer. The unfortunate answer is I did this to challenge myself. And it could take hours or even days before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form. But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me in a purse or a pocket, you know, if she really needs me to go.

Cop Morty: They had a little accident. They won't be causing any trouble anymore. Cop Morty: Big Morty likes to contribute to keeping the peace in Mortytown. Think of him as a drug lord, and us his cops on his payroll. Cop Rick: Morty... Cop Rick: M-m-my partner. Morty, you're right. Mortytown is bad, but that doesn't mean that we have to be. Cop Morty: Don't worry about Rick, Big Morty. He's new. He doesn't understand how it works. Cop Morty: Wh-why would you say something like that, Big Morty? You're fucking things up for both of us here! Cop Rick:

Cop Morty: They had a little accident. They won't be causing any trouble anymore. Cop Morty: Big Morty likes to contribute to keeping the peace in Mortytown. Think of him as a drug lord, and us his cops on his payroll. Cop Rick: Morty... Cop Rick: M-m-my partner. Morty, you're right. Mortytown is bad, but that doesn't mean that we have to be. Cop Morty: Don't worry about Rick, Big Morty. He's new. He doesn't understand how it works. Cop Morty: Wh-why would you say something like that, Big Morty? You're fucking things up for both of us here! Cop Rick: Big Morty, you're under arrest.

Big Morty, you're under arrest.

Morty: What the hell? Rick: Out of the frying pan dot, dot, dot, huh, Morty? Morty: Oh, man, what's going on? Rick: Well, it's possible that your dog became self-aware and made modifications on the cognition amplifier, then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after learning about humanity's cruel subjugation of his species, but your guess is as good as mine, Morty. Jerry: I can't believe how mean snuffles got just because he's smart. Summer: This is why I choose to get C's. Rick:

Morty: What the hell? Rick: Out of the frying pan dot, dot, dot, huh, Morty? Morty: Oh, man, what's going on? Rick: Well, it's possible that your dog became self-aware and made modifications on the cognition amplifier, then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after learning about humanity's cruel subjugation of his species, but your guess is as good as mine, Morty. Jerry: I can't believe how mean snuffles got just because he's smart. Summer: This is why I choose to get C's. Rick: Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer.

Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer.

Beth: I need five minutes. Beth: Jerry, this was the most romantic weekend I've ever had. Jerry: Thanks to Cold Stone Creamery. Morty: Yes, oh, yes, yes! Summer: Woohoo! Whoo! Whoo! Morty: Oh, that was a close call. Oh yeah, do it Rick, do it right. Rick:

Beth: I need five minutes. Beth: Jerry, this was the most romantic weekend I've ever had. Jerry: Thanks to Cold Stone Creamery. Morty: Yes, oh, yes, yes! Summer: Woohoo! Whoo! Whoo! Morty: Oh, that was a close call. Oh yeah, do it Rick, do it right. Rick: You know what I'm talking about, oh yeah. I'm gonna do the cabbage patch, Morty. Check me out I'm doing the cabbage patch dance. It's a classic dance, remember, like this. Oh shit look at that.

You know what I'm talking about, oh yeah. I'm gonna do the cabbage patch, Morty. Check me out I'm doing the cabbage patch dance. It's a classic dance, remember, like this. Oh shit look at that.

Rick: It's a, it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty. This is the chemical release in the mammal's brain, ...that makes it fall in love. Alright Morty, I just gotta combine it with some of your DNA. Morty: Oh well, okay... Rick: A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones. Morty: Oww! Rick: Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty? Morty: Heck yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Rick! Hey there's no dangers or anything or side effects, right? Rick:

Rick: It's a, it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty. This is the chemical release in the mammal's brain, ...that makes it fall in love. Alright Morty, I just gotta combine it with some of your DNA. Morty: Oh well, okay... Rick: A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones. Morty: Oww! Rick: Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty? Morty: Heck yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Rick! Hey there's no dangers or anything or side effects, right? Rick: Www.. what am I, a hack?! Go nuts, Morty, it's full proof.

Www.. what am I, a hack?! Go nuts, Morty, it's full proof.

Morty: So, this is... Vindicators 3? And you guys did Vindicators 2... w-without us? Million Ants: I sense... insecurity. Vance: Are you sure there's not just a picnic nearby. Rick: I guess he found his crowd. Pretty toothless stuff, guys. Rick: I hope you're happy with the adventure so far, Morty. These guys are even lamer than last time. Morty: We weren't here "last time", remember? They did a whole Vindicators without us. A bunch of them got killed, too. They lost Lady Katana, Calypso, Diablo Verde... Rick:

Morty: So, this is... Vindicators 3? And you guys did Vindicators 2... w-without us? Million Ants: I sense... insecurity. Vance: Are you sure there's not just a picnic nearby. Rick: I guess he found his crowd. Pretty toothless stuff, guys. Rick: I hope you're happy with the adventure so far, Morty. These guys are even lamer than last time. Morty: We weren't here "last time", remember? They did a whole Vindicators without us. A bunch of them got killed, too. They lost Lady Katana, Calypso, Diablo Verde... Rick: Yikes. Yeah, things did feel less diverse in there.

Yikes. Yeah, things did feel less diverse in there.

Morty: YOU KNOW WHAT, NO RICK! I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE SCREWDRIVER! Uh, I'm never gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick. I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. Www...what about me, Rick? Www... why can't you just help me out once, once, for once? Rick: You're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass! Listen, this is called oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. You know what a VOLE is, Morty, you know what a vole is? Rick: It's a, it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty. This is the chemical release in the mammal's brain, ...that makes it fall in love. Alright Morty, I just gotta combine it with some of your DNA. Morty: Oh well, okay... Rick: A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones. Morty: Oww! Rick:

Morty: YOU KNOW WHAT, NO RICK! I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE SCREWDRIVER! Uh, I'm never gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick. I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. Www...what about me, Rick? Www... why can't you just help me out once, once, for once? Rick: You're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass! Listen, this is called oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. You know what a VOLE is, Morty, you know what a vole is? Rick: It's a, it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty. This is the chemical release in the mammal's brain, ...that makes it fall in love. Alright Morty, I just gotta combine it with some of your DNA. Morty: Oh well, okay... Rick: A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones. Morty: Oww! Rick: Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty?

Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty?

All Ricks: Huh, that's weird. Oh, my God. All Summers: What? All Ricks: That son of a bitch is gonna kill me! All Mortys: Rick what the hell are you doing? All Ricks: Saving our lives. After he takes me out he's gonna be coming for you! All Summers: Who? All Ricks:

All Ricks: Huh, that's weird. Oh, my God. All Summers: What? All Ricks: That son of a bitch is gonna kill me! All Mortys: Rick what the hell are you doing? All Ricks: Saving our lives. After he takes me out he's gonna be coming for you! All Summers: Who? All Ricks: Me!

Me!

Rick: Morty, tell your parents the first law of Thermodynamics. Morty: "The increment in the internal energy of a system is equal to the increment of heat supplied to the system." Wow! I'm so smart! Jerry: But— Rick: I told the both of you school is stupid. It's not how you learn things. Morty's a gifted child. He has a special mind. That's why he's my little helper. He's like me. He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life. He's too smart for school. He needs to keep hanging out and helping me. Beth: Jerry, I don't want whatever's happening here to stop. Jerry: No, I-I understand. Uh, maybe we overreacted. But he has to keep going to school. Rick:

Rick: Morty, tell your parents the first law of Thermodynamics. Morty: "The increment in the internal energy of a system is equal to the increment of heat supplied to the system." Wow! I'm so smart! Jerry: But— Rick: I told the both of you school is stupid. It's not how you learn things. Morty's a gifted child. He has a special mind. That's why he's my little helper. He's like me. He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life. He's too smart for school. He needs to keep hanging out and helping me. Beth: Jerry, I don't want whatever's happening here to stop. Jerry: No, I-I understand. Uh, maybe we overreacted. But he has to keep going to school. Rick: Okay, Jerry. You drive a hard bargain, but what am I supposed to do? Say no? You-you really wear the pants around here. I just want you to know, between us, from now on, it's gonna be clear communication.

Okay, Jerry. You drive a hard bargain, but what am I supposed to do? Say no? You-you really wear the pants around here. I just want you to know, between us, from now on, it's gonna be clear communication.

Morty: But.. she was trying to kill us! Rick: Morty, twenty people try to kill me every week. I end up getting high with half of 'em. I mean, check it out, Gear Head's here. Beth: Morty, you're wearing a Vindicator jacket. Are you a little superhero now? Morty: Everyone in the universe is a hero, Mom. Which is why we don't need jackets. And I'm pretty sure we don't need Vindicators. Summer: Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced. Rick: Shut up, Summer. Rick:

Morty: But.. she was trying to kill us! Rick: Morty, twenty people try to kill me every week. I end up getting high with half of 'em. I mean, check it out, Gear Head's here. Beth: Morty, you're wearing a Vindicator jacket. Are you a little superhero now? Morty: Everyone in the universe is a hero, Mom. Which is why we don't need jackets. And I'm pretty sure we don't need Vindicators. Summer: Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced. Rick: Shut up, Summer. Rick: Who the fuck is Noob-Noob?

Who the fuck is Noob-Noob?

Cop Rick: That’s pretty harsh, sir. Cop Morty: So report me. Nobody gives a fuck. Cop Rick: Look, I’m just saying. Makes me a little sad to hear a Morty cop calling Mortys “animals”. Cop Morty: Well, it makes me sad to see another Rick cop buying into his sensitivity training. Cop Rick: Well, I’m glad to know there’s more like me. Cop Morty: Oh, there was one. Why do you think that seat was empty? Cop Rick:

Cop Rick: That’s pretty harsh, sir. Cop Morty: So report me. Nobody gives a fuck. Cop Rick: Look, I’m just saying. Makes me a little sad to hear a Morty cop calling Mortys “animals”. Cop Morty: Well, it makes me sad to see another Rick cop buying into his sensitivity training. Cop Rick: Well, I’m glad to know there’s more like me. Cop Morty: Oh, there was one. Why do you think that seat was empty? Cop Rick: Fifth and ? That’s Mortytown.

Fifth and ? That’s Mortytown.

Rick: Trade secret, Mr. President. Particle beam in a wristwatch… snake holster on the leg. President: I love this man! Ice-T: Magnesium-J, Hydrogen-F. Father. Ice-T: I have changed. I am ready to rejoin my brethren on Alphabetrium. Rick: Don't worry about Jerry. He's gonna be fine.You hear me Jerry? You're gonna be fine! Morty: Woahh! Rick:

Rick: Trade secret, Mr. President. Particle beam in a wristwatch… snake holster on the leg. President: I love this man! Ice-T: Magnesium-J, Hydrogen-F. Father. Ice-T: I have changed. I am ready to rejoin my brethren on Alphabetrium. Rick: Don't worry about Jerry. He's gonna be fine.You hear me Jerry? You're gonna be fine! Morty: Woahh! Rick: ooo... Watch out for that stuff. It'll stain if it gets on your clothes, and it'll send into a murderous rage if it gets in your eyes or mouth.

ooo... Watch out for that stuff. It'll stain if it gets on your clothes, and it'll send into a murderous rage if it gets in your eyes or mouth.

Morty: Come on, Rick, don't talk about my parents like that. Rick: Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it, your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science. Morty: Alright, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance. Jerry: Yeah, I'm just going to...check on your mom. Rick: Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great. Morty: Hey, listen, Rick. You know how you said that, you know... love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinkn', you know, www... could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing, you know, like maybe make some sort of love potion or something? Rick:

Morty: Come on, Rick, don't talk about my parents like that. Rick: Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it, your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science. Morty: Alright, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance. Jerry: Yeah, I'm just going to...check on your mom. Rick: Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great. Morty: Hey, listen, Rick. You know how you said that, you know... love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinkn', you know, www... could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing, you know, like maybe make some sort of love potion or something? Rick: Morty, that's such a poor use of my time, it's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver.

Morty, that's such a poor use of my time, it's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver.

Jerry: Aw, he's saying "I love lasagna". Snuffles: Ooooyayawawa! Summer: He's saying "I love Obama". So cute! I'm posting this online, like, right now. Jerry: I should call Bob Saget. Is that still a thing? Snuffles: Hmm? Rick: Goldenfold, we're coming out! We just want to talk! Rick:

Jerry: Aw, he's saying "I love lasagna". Snuffles: Ooooyayawawa! Summer: He's saying "I love Obama". So cute! I'm posting this online, like, right now. Jerry: I should call Bob Saget. Is that still a thing? Snuffles: Hmm? Rick: Goldenfold, we're coming out! We just want to talk! Rick: Because we're both rational adults that don't want anything bad to happen. And because I have a human shield.

Because we're both rational adults that don't want anything bad to happen. And because I have a human shield.

Alan: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't crush your windpipe! Rick: Because my epidermis is laced with a nanofiber defense mesh. Rick: And because, like I said, I don't remember last night. Alan: I told you not to invite this mummified motherfucker back! Rick: Alan, I'm not proud of what's happening here, but if you keep coming at me, there's gonna be another passenger on that ghost train. Morty: Guys! I've figured it out. Drunk Rick:

Alan: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't crush your windpipe! Rick: Because my epidermis is laced with a nanofiber defense mesh. Rick: And because, like I said, I don't remember last night. Alan: I told you not to invite this mummified motherfucker back! Rick: Alan, I'm not proud of what's happening here, but if you keep coming at me, there's gonna be another passenger on that ghost train. Morty: Guys! I've figured it out. Drunk Rick: Congrats! You did it-- it!

Congrats! You did it-- it!

Cop Rick: No thank you, and bad math. Cop Rick: What is the place? Cop Morty: "The Creepy Morty". What is it your kind's always saying? "Don't think about it." Come on. There's someone important I want you to meet. Cop Morty: They had a little accident. They won't be causing any trouble anymore. Cop Morty: Big Morty likes to contribute to keeping the peace in Mortytown. Think of him as a drug lord, and us his cops on his payroll. Cop Rick: Morty... Cop Rick:

Cop Rick: No thank you, and bad math. Cop Rick: What is the place? Cop Morty: "The Creepy Morty". What is it your kind's always saying? "Don't think about it." Come on. There's someone important I want you to meet. Cop Morty: They had a little accident. They won't be causing any trouble anymore. Cop Morty: Big Morty likes to contribute to keeping the peace in Mortytown. Think of him as a drug lord, and us his cops on his payroll. Cop Rick: Morty... Cop Rick: M-m-my partner. Morty, you're right. Mortytown is bad, but that doesn't mean that we have to be.

M-m-my partner. Morty, you're right. Mortytown is bad, but that doesn't mean that we have to be.

Morty: Geez, Rick, in the time it took you to make this thing, couldn't you have just, you know, helped me with my homework? Rick: Are you listening to me, Morty? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it. Rick: Come on, let's just get over there and deal with this thing. W-we're gonna incept your teacher. You're frustrating me. Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know me! Mr. Goldenfold: ' Nice, Mrs. Pancakes real nice. Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know me! Rick:

Morty: Geez, Rick, in the time it took you to make this thing, couldn't you have just, you know, helped me with my homework? Rick: Are you listening to me, Morty? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it. Rick: Come on, let's just get over there and deal with this thing. W-we're gonna incept your teacher. You're frustrating me. Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know me! Mr. Goldenfold: ' Nice, Mrs. Pancakes real nice. Mrs. Pancakes: You don't know me! Rick: Uh-oh! Spoilers!

Uh-oh! Spoilers!

Pickle Rick: Morty. Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Morty! Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Hey, Mooorty! Morty: Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something? Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Morty. Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Morty! Morty: Rick? Pickle Rick: Hey, Mooorty! Morty: Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something? Pickle Rick: Morty, the garage, Morty. Come to the garage!

Morty, the garage, Morty. Come to the garage!

Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer! Alan: But you guys have always had a... an unspoken bond. Alan: I mean, really unspoken. Like, "let's-not-tell-my-husband" unspoken. Supernova: We aren't married anymore, Alan. Alan: Sure, but were we married when you two were "stranded" on Delphi 6 for three days? Because I sensed something was weird when you can back. But what do I know about sensitivity? I'm just a phantom train conductor. You're the pile of ordinary bugs that fucked my wife! Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer! Rick:

Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer! Alan: But you guys have always had a... an unspoken bond. Alan: I mean, really unspoken. Like, "let's-not-tell-my-husband" unspoken. Supernova: We aren't married anymore, Alan. Alan: Sure, but were we married when you two were "stranded" on Delphi 6 for three days? Because I sensed something was weird when you can back. But what do I know about sensitivity? I'm just a phantom train conductor. You're the pile of ordinary bugs that fucked my wife! Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer! Rick: Where the fuck is the lead wire?!

Where the fuck is the lead wire?!

Rick: I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty! Rick: Oh, Morty, take a deep breath. Breathe that breathe that fresh air in, Morty. Y-you smell that? That's the smell of adventure, Morty. That's that's the smell of-of-of-of a whole different evolutionary timeline. Morty: All right, Rick, look how much longer is this gonna be? Shouldn't I be back at school by now? Rick: Are you joking me? I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at that thing right there. What the hell is that thing? You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school? Look at it just lumbering around. It defies all logic, that thing. Morty: Yeah, Rick, I get it. We're surrounded by monsters. That's kind of the reason why I want to leave. Rick: Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Morty, you see this? Rick:

Rick: I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty! Rick: Oh, Morty, take a deep breath. Breathe that breathe that fresh air in, Morty. Y-you smell that? That's the smell of adventure, Morty. That's that's the smell of-of-of-of a whole different evolutionary timeline. Morty: All right, Rick, look how much longer is this gonna be? Shouldn't I be back at school by now? Rick: Are you joking me? I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at that thing right there. What the hell is that thing? You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school? Look at it just lumbering around. It defies all logic, that thing. Morty: Yeah, Rick, I get it. We're surrounded by monsters. That's kind of the reason why I want to leave. Rick: Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Morty, you see this? Rick: You see what we just stumbled upon, Morty? Any idea what that is down there?

You see what we just stumbled upon, Morty? Any idea what that is down there?

Pickle Rick: Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here! Pickle Rick: Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular! Pickle Rick: Oh, shiiit! Oh! Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Come on. That's it. Pickle Rick: Come get this delicious brine. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here! Pickle Rick: Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular! Pickle Rick: Oh, shiiit! Oh! Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Come on. That's it. Pickle Rick: Come get this delicious brine. Pickle Rick: Aah! Come on! Come on, motherfucker! Come on!

Aah! Come on! Come on, motherfucker! Come on!

Jerry: Oh, for crying out—he's got some kind of disability or something. Is that what you want us to say? Morty: I do? Jerry: Well, duh doy, son. Look, I love you, Morty, but we both know you're not as fast as the other kids, and if you want to compete in this world, you got to work twice as hard. Morty: Aw, geez, dad. Y-you know, that's a lot to drop on a kid all at once. Rick: Morty, t-tell your parents the square root of pi. Morty: Oh, come on, Rick. You know I can't. Rick:

Jerry: Oh, for crying out—he's got some kind of disability or something. Is that what you want us to say? Morty: I do? Jerry: Well, duh doy, son. Look, I love you, Morty, but we both know you're not as fast as the other kids, and if you want to compete in this world, you got to work twice as hard. Morty: Aw, geez, dad. Y-you know, that's a lot to drop on a kid all at once. Rick: Morty, t-tell your parents the square root of pi. Morty: Oh, come on, Rick. You know I can't. Rick: The square root of Pi, Morty. Go!

The square root of Pi, Morty. Go!

Morty: What's wrong? Jerry: Your idiot dog! Morty: Oh, he he didn't mean it, dad. Did you, snuffles? You're a good boy. Jerry: Don't praise him now, Morty! He just peed on the carpet! Bad dog! Bad! Rick: Morty, come on. I need your help tonight. Jerry: Hey, wait, hold on a second, Rick. You wouldn't by any chance have some sort of crazy science thing you could whip up that might help make this dog a little smarter, would you? Rick:

Morty: What's wrong? Jerry: Your idiot dog! Morty: Oh, he he didn't mean it, dad. Did you, snuffles? You're a good boy. Jerry: Don't praise him now, Morty! He just peed on the carpet! Bad dog! Bad! Rick: Morty, come on. I need your help tonight. Jerry: Hey, wait, hold on a second, Rick. You wouldn't by any chance have some sort of crazy science thing you could whip up that might help make this dog a little smarter, would you? Rick: I thought the whole point of having a dog was to feel superior, Jerry. If I were you, I wouldn't pull that thread. Come on, Morty.

I thought the whole point of having a dog was to feel superior, Jerry. If I were you, I wouldn't pull that thread. Come on, Morty.

Morty: And how are you gonna do that? Summer: I don't know yet. I'll make it up as I go. That's what Grandpa Rick does. That's what heroes do. Morty: Y-You want to see what a hero Rick is? I-I'll bring you somewhere, Summer. Um- Summer: What is this place? And what's with "Hunger Games" Summer? Morty: That's my sister. This used to be my home. Young Rick: Sounds lonely. Young Rick:

Morty: And how are you gonna do that? Summer: I don't know yet. I'll make it up as I go. That's what Grandpa Rick does. That's what heroes do. Morty: Y-You want to see what a hero Rick is? I-I'll bring you somewhere, Summer. Um- Summer: What is this place? And what's with "Hunger Games" Summer? Morty: That's my sister. This used to be my home. Young Rick: Sounds lonely. Young Rick: Eh, pass.

Eh, pass.

Rick: Allahu akbar! We're gonna take control of this plane! We're gonna 9/11 it unless Morty Smith gets better grades in math! Rick: Hey! I said nobody move, buddy! Mr. Goldenfold: The name's not buddy. It's Goldenfold. Nice to wheat you! Rick: Take cover, Morty! Mr. Goldenfold: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Morty: Ooohhh! Rick:

Rick: Allahu akbar! We're gonna take control of this plane! We're gonna 9/11 it unless Morty Smith gets better grades in math! Rick: Hey! I said nobody move, buddy! Mr. Goldenfold: The name's not buddy. It's Goldenfold. Nice to wheat you! Rick: Take cover, Morty! Mr. Goldenfold: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Morty: Ooohhh! Rick: Goldenfold's got more control here than I anticipated. I mean, the guy teaches high-school math. I didn't take him for an active dreamer. We've got to take him out so he wakes up, Morty but we can't get killed. If you get killed in someone else's dream, you die for real, Morty.

Goldenfold's got more control here than I anticipated. I mean, the guy teaches high-school math. I didn't take him for an active dreamer. We've got to take him out so he wakes up, Morty but we can't get killed. If you get killed in someone else's dream, you die for real, Morty.

Jerry: Since we're fighting, if you ever have an affair with that guy, I will come to the hotel room and blow my brains out all over your naked bodies. Beth: Look, I appreciate the stress you're under, but Morty was having trouble in school way before my dad moved in, and the only influence I can see Rick having is that, for the first time in his life, Morty has a friend. Jerry: Well, maybe you're right. Beth: Uh, yeah, maybe I am. I'm my father's daughter. I'm smart. Why do you think I'm a heart surgeon? Jerry: Ahem, Horse heart surgeon. Principal Vagina: Hello? Mrs. Smith? This is Principal Vagina, no relation. I wonder if you and Morty's father might be able to have a chat with me this afternoon? Rick:

Jerry: Since we're fighting, if you ever have an affair with that guy, I will come to the hotel room and blow my brains out all over your naked bodies. Beth: Look, I appreciate the stress you're under, but Morty was having trouble in school way before my dad moved in, and the only influence I can see Rick having is that, for the first time in his life, Morty has a friend. Jerry: Well, maybe you're right. Beth: Uh, yeah, maybe I am. I'm my father's daughter. I'm smart. Why do you think I'm a heart surgeon? Jerry: Ahem, Horse heart surgeon. Principal Vagina: Hello? Mrs. Smith? This is Principal Vagina, no relation. I wonder if you and Morty's father might be able to have a chat with me this afternoon? Rick: Morty, oh, you really d-did a number on your legs right now. You know, you got to turn the shoes on, Morty, for them to work. Yeah, look I turned mine on. I had no problem getting down here. It was a leisurely breeze.

Morty, oh, you really d-did a number on your legs right now. You know, you got to turn the shoes on, Morty, for them to work. Yeah, look I turned mine on. I had no problem getting down here. It was a leisurely breeze.

Morty: R-Rick? Riq IV: Why not shoot through her? Rick: 20 yards, nine-gauge plasma pistol, My first shot would liquify her insides and injure you, second shot adds recoil. The risk to me is minimized if I wait for you to shoot her, which I'm encouraging you to do. Summer: What the fuck? Rick: Or let her go, which I will reward with a quicker death. Riq IV: Because you love her! Rick:

Morty: R-Rick? Riq IV: Why not shoot through her? Rick: 20 yards, nine-gauge plasma pistol, My first shot would liquify her insides and injure you, second shot adds recoil. The risk to me is minimized if I wait for you to shoot her, which I'm encouraging you to do. Summer: What the fuck? Rick: Or let her go, which I will reward with a quicker death. Riq IV: Because you love her! Rick: Because it's incentive for you to give me my cleanest shot, which will be your least painful death. But if you want to die slower than that, I'm super into it. All you got to do to get that started is kill the girl.

Because it's incentive for you to give me my cleanest shot, which will be your least painful death. But if you want to die slower than that, I'm super into it. All you got to do to get that started is kill the girl.

Rick: Season -- Nine more seasons, Morty. Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce. Morty: What is that?! Rick: For 97 more years, Morty! Morty: What are you talking about?! Rick: I want that McNugget sauce, Morty! Birdperson: I am Phoenixperson. Pickle Rick:

Rick: Season -- Nine more seasons, Morty. Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce. Morty: What is that?! Rick: For 97 more years, Morty! Morty: What are you talking about?! Rick: I want that McNugget sauce, Morty! Birdperson: I am Phoenixperson. Pickle Rick: Morty.

Morty.

Jerry: The galactic government collapsed. Beth: Are you okay? Jerry: Look, I-I'm not proud to share this, but the truth is, I just kept crawling, and it kept working. Oh, I'm glad you're okay. Are we ever going to stop paying for indulging your father? Our children, our planet, our jobs? Is there anything left to lose? Beth: Just each other, and I'll never let you go. And I'm so sorry I ever did this to us. Rick: Guess who dismantled the government? Beth: Please don't leave me again. Rick:

Jerry: The galactic government collapsed. Beth: Are you okay? Jerry: Look, I-I'm not proud to share this, but the truth is, I just kept crawling, and it kept working. Oh, I'm glad you're okay. Are we ever going to stop paying for indulging your father? Our children, our planet, our jobs? Is there anything left to lose? Beth: Just each other, and I'll never let you go. And I'm so sorry I ever did this to us. Rick: Guess who dismantled the government? Beth: Please don't leave me again. Rick: I never will, baby.

I never will, baby.

Nathan: DIIIIEEEE!!!! President: Why didn’t he turn into a snake? Rick: Trade secret, Mr. President. Particle beam in a wristwatch… snake holster on the leg. President: I love this man! Ice-T: Magnesium-J, Hydrogen-F. Father. Ice-T: I have changed. I am ready to rejoin my brethren on Alphabetrium. Rick:

Nathan: DIIIIEEEE!!!! President: Why didn’t he turn into a snake? Rick: Trade secret, Mr. President. Particle beam in a wristwatch… snake holster on the leg. President: I love this man! Ice-T: Magnesium-J, Hydrogen-F. Father. Ice-T: I have changed. I am ready to rejoin my brethren on Alphabetrium. Rick: Don't worry about Jerry. He's gonna be fine.You hear me Jerry? You're gonna be fine!

Don't worry about Jerry. He's gonna be fine.You hear me Jerry? You're gonna be fine!

Morty: We're trying to incept me to get an "A" in math? Rick: Oh, yeah. Scary Terry: Buckle up, bitch! Morty: Ooooooaaahhh! Morty: Man, he sure says "bitch" a lot! Scary Terry: You can run, but you can't hide, bitch! Rick:

Morty: We're trying to incept me to get an "A" in math? Rick: Oh, yeah. Scary Terry: Buckle up, bitch! Morty: Ooooooaaahhh! Morty: Man, he sure says "bitch" a lot! Scary Terry: You can run, but you can't hide, bitch! Rick: Hold on, Morty. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can hide. I say we try hiding.

Hold on, Morty. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can hide. I say we try hiding.

Beth: Oh, don't high-road us, dad. You know fully well that Morty is the last child that needs to be missing classes. Rick: I-I-I don't know what you mean by that. Can can can you be a little bit more specific? Jerry: Oh, for crying out—he's got some kind of disability or something. Is that what you want us to say? Morty: I do? Jerry: Well, duh doy, son. Look, I love you, Morty, but we both know you're not as fast as the other kids, and if you want to compete in this world, you got to work twice as hard. Morty: Aw, geez, dad. Y-you know, that's a lot to drop on a kid all at once. Rick:

Beth: Oh, don't high-road us, dad. You know fully well that Morty is the last child that needs to be missing classes. Rick: I-I-I don't know what you mean by that. Can can can you be a little bit more specific? Jerry: Oh, for crying out—he's got some kind of disability or something. Is that what you want us to say? Morty: I do? Jerry: Well, duh doy, son. Look, I love you, Morty, but we both know you're not as fast as the other kids, and if you want to compete in this world, you got to work twice as hard. Morty: Aw, geez, dad. Y-you know, that's a lot to drop on a kid all at once. Rick: Morty, t-tell your parents the square root of pi.

Morty, t-tell your parents the square root of pi.

Summer: I don't know yet. I'll make it up as I go. That's what Grandpa Rick does. That's what heroes do. Morty: Y-You want to see what a hero Rick is? I-I'll bring you somewhere, Summer. Um- Summer: What is this place? And what's with "Hunger Games" Summer? Morty: That's my sister. This used to be my home. Young Rick: Sounds lonely. Young Rick: Eh, pass. Young Rick:

Summer: I don't know yet. I'll make it up as I go. That's what Grandpa Rick does. That's what heroes do. Morty: Y-You want to see what a hero Rick is? I-I'll bring you somewhere, Summer. Um- Summer: What is this place? And what's with "Hunger Games" Summer? Morty: That's my sister. This used to be my home. Young Rick: Sounds lonely. Young Rick: Eh, pass. Young Rick: A different kind of Rick, I guess.

A different kind of Rick, I guess.

Beth: So... Jerry: Well don't different animals- Beth: Require different levels of skill to keep alive? Jerry: Oh God... Beth: Get the deer in the car, Jerry. Jerry: Yes Beth. All Ricks:

Beth: So... Jerry: Well don't different animals- Beth: Require different levels of skill to keep alive? Jerry: Oh God... Beth: Get the deer in the car, Jerry. Jerry: Yes Beth. All Ricks: This is why you don't freeze time, you guys. It's incredibly irresponsible.Morty 1

This is why you don't freeze time, you guys. It's incredibly irresponsible.Morty 1

Beth: Morty! Pickle Rick: It's okay, Beth. I understand Morty's suspicion. I've misled him before. Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact.Morty, I assure you, I would never "find a way" to "get out of" family therapy. I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent the perception of my air quotes. Summer: Can't you just turn yourself back into a human? Pickle Rick: Great question, Summer. The unfortunate answer is I did this to challenge myself. And it could take hours or even days before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form. But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me in a purse or a pocket, you know, if she really needs me to go. Beth: Nobody needs anything! Okay, it's fine. I mean, you should just stay here and figure out how to stop being a pickle, okay? Morty: Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid hanging directly over you? Also, why is the string attached to it running through a pair of scissors attached to a timer? And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, exactly when we would have left for therapy? Pickle Rick:

Beth: Morty! Pickle Rick: It's okay, Beth. I understand Morty's suspicion. I've misled him before. Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact.Morty, I assure you, I would never "find a way" to "get out of" family therapy. I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent the perception of my air quotes. Summer: Can't you just turn yourself back into a human? Pickle Rick: Great question, Summer. The unfortunate answer is I did this to challenge myself. And it could take hours or even days before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form. But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me in a purse or a pocket, you know, if she really needs me to go. Beth: Nobody needs anything! Okay, it's fine. I mean, you should just stay here and figure out how to stop being a pickle, okay? Morty: Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid hanging directly over you? Also, why is the string attached to it running through a pair of scissors attached to a timer? And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, exactly when we would have left for therapy? Pickle Rick: Well, Morty, if you know must know, the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation.

Well, Morty, if you know must know, the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation.

Pickle Rick: It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. I have had a rough day. And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent. Dr. Wong: By changing you from a pickle to a human. Pickle Rick: Yes. Dr. Wong: Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? Pickle Rick: So I wouldn't have to come here. Dr. Wong: Why didn't you want to come here? Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. I have had a rough day. And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent. Dr. Wong: By changing you from a pickle to a human. Pickle Rick: Yes. Dr. Wong: Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? Pickle Rick: So I wouldn't have to come here. Dr. Wong: Why didn't you want to come here? Pickle Rick: Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle. When I feel like it. So...you asked.

Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle. When I feel like it. So...you asked.

Supernova: Rick, you're up. Rick: Barely. Supernova: Rick, we're taking fire from an automated turret. Can you bring it offline? Rick: Uh-huh. Rick: Uh, my God, that's better. Supernova: RICK! Rick:

Supernova: Rick, you're up. Rick: Barely. Supernova: Rick, we're taking fire from an automated turret. Can you bring it offline? Rick: Uh-huh. Rick: Uh, my God, that's better. Supernova: RICK! Rick: Hey, I can't help if I can't see.

Hey, I can't help if I can't see.

Beth: Really? Like, go somewhere? Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on. Rick: Absolutely. Morty: I, I liked her. Beth: So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? Maybe Shoney's? Rick: Yeah, either one. Either one. Rick: You'll never get away with this, Concerto. Rick:

Beth: Really? Like, go somewhere? Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on. Rick: Absolutely. Morty: I, I liked her. Beth: So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? Maybe Shoney's? Rick: Yeah, either one. Either one. Rick: You'll never get away with this, Concerto. Rick: This is it, Morty. We're goners. We're not getting out of this one. After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die. Make peace with your god.

This is it, Morty. We're goners. We're not getting out of this one. After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die. Make peace with your god.

Cop Rick: Big Morty, you're under arrest. Cop Morty: S-smartest man in the universe. Cop Morty: Not so big now, are ya? Cop Rick: That's enough! Cop Morty: If we don't kill him, he'll talk! Cop Rick: If you do, I'll talk. Cop Rick:

Cop Rick: Big Morty, you're under arrest. Cop Morty: S-smartest man in the universe. Cop Morty: Not so big now, are ya? Cop Rick: That's enough! Cop Morty: If we don't kill him, he'll talk! Cop Rick: If you do, I'll talk. Cop Rick: You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing.

You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing.

Cop Morty: Well, it makes me sad to see another Rick cop buying into his sensitivity training. Cop Rick: Well, I’m glad to know there’s more like me. Cop Morty: Oh, there was one. Why do you think that seat was empty? Cop Rick: Fifth and ? That’s Mortytown. Cop Morty: Unit 7 responding. Teacher Rick: "Good idea, Rick." Teacher Rick:

Cop Morty: Well, it makes me sad to see another Rick cop buying into his sensitivity training. Cop Rick: Well, I’m glad to know there’s more like me. Cop Morty: Oh, there was one. Why do you think that seat was empty? Cop Rick: Fifth and ? That’s Mortytown. Cop Morty: Unit 7 responding. Teacher Rick: "Good idea, Rick." Teacher Rick: "This is a great adventure."

"This is a great adventure."

Rick: Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan," where they -- where they -- they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory. Cornvelious Daniel: Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting. Rick: Okay. All right, all right. Cornvelious Daniel: Is that-- Rick: Me. I used to wear blue pants. Cornvelious Daniel: When'd you make the leap to interdimensional travel? Rick:

Rick: Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan," where they -- where they -- they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory. Cornvelious Daniel: Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting. Rick: Okay. All right, all right. Cornvelious Daniel: Is that-- Rick: Me. I used to wear blue pants. Cornvelious Daniel: When'd you make the leap to interdimensional travel? Rick: I didn't. I did.

I didn't. I did.

Morty: B-b-but we don’t have a song! Principal Vagina: Giant head in the sky, please forgive all that we’ve done. We’re sorry for increased levels of emissions and our racism. And of course, the amber alerts I keep ignoring on my phone. Rick: All right, Morty, let’s get ready to do it! Why don’t you, uh, find a button on one of those keyboards and lay down some kind of beat? Morty: Rick, I think we need to cut our losses. We get our family and portal out of here! Rick: Morty! Good music comes from people who are relaxed. Just hit a button, Morty! Gimme a beat! Morty: Oh man, ok, all right, um… Rick:

Morty: B-b-but we don’t have a song! Principal Vagina: Giant head in the sky, please forgive all that we’ve done. We’re sorry for increased levels of emissions and our racism. And of course, the amber alerts I keep ignoring on my phone. Rick: All right, Morty, let’s get ready to do it! Why don’t you, uh, find a button on one of those keyboards and lay down some kind of beat? Morty: Rick, I think we need to cut our losses. We get our family and portal out of here! Rick: Morty! Good music comes from people who are relaxed. Just hit a button, Morty! Gimme a beat! Morty: Oh man, ok, all right, um… Rick: Ahhhhh yeahhhhh Ya gotta get schwifty Ya gotta get schwifty in here It’s time to get schwifty

Ahhhhh yeahhhhh Ya gotta get schwifty Ya gotta get schwifty in here It’s time to get schwifty

Summer: Boo-nah? Young Rick: Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt. Young Rick: Nooooooo! Cornvelious Daniel: Wow. This sauce is fucking amazing. You said it was promoting a movie? Young Rick: Carry the three, add a two. I got it. I fucking got it. Cornvelious Daniel: Whoa. I-Is that it, the portal gun? Rick:

Summer: Boo-nah? Young Rick: Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt. Young Rick: Nooooooo! Cornvelious Daniel: Wow. This sauce is fucking amazing. You said it was promoting a movie? Young Rick: Carry the three, add a two. I got it. I fucking got it. Cornvelious Daniel: Whoa. I-Is that it, the portal gun? Rick: Yeah. That's the three lines of math that separates my life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost.

Yeah. That's the three lines of math that separates my life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost.

Rick: Thank you. I appreciate it, Morty. I know you were sucking the Kool-Aid out of the Vindicators' dicks, so the fact that I was right about them must be pretty hard to admit. Morty: Yeah, it is. You know why, Rick? Because when you're an asshole, it doesn't matter how right you are, nobody wants to give you the satisfaction. Rick: I know. Everyone wants people they like to be right. That's why popular people are fucking dumb. And why your pretentious, poorly-written, high-budget friends back there can a eat a double-decker shit sandwich. Disarmed. Morty: Holy shit. You're jealous. Supernova: YES! Is that what you want to hear?! Alan: Did it feel good?! Did you like his six million wriggling legs more than my tragedy-stricken, half-ghost, half-tumescent penis?! Drunk Rick:

Rick: Thank you. I appreciate it, Morty. I know you were sucking the Kool-Aid out of the Vindicators' dicks, so the fact that I was right about them must be pretty hard to admit. Morty: Yeah, it is. You know why, Rick? Because when you're an asshole, it doesn't matter how right you are, nobody wants to give you the satisfaction. Rick: I know. Everyone wants people they like to be right. That's why popular people are fucking dumb. And why your pretentious, poorly-written, high-budget friends back there can a eat a double-decker shit sandwich. Disarmed. Morty: Holy shit. You're jealous. Supernova: YES! Is that what you want to hear?! Alan: Did it feel good?! Did you like his six million wriggling legs more than my tragedy-stricken, half-ghost, half-tumescent penis?! Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer!

That's a three-pointer!

All Mortys: Rick what the hell are you doing? All Ricks: Saving our lives. After he takes me out he's gonna be coming for you! All Summers: Who? All Ricks: Me! All Summers: Ahh! All Mortys: Whoa whoa! All Ricks:

All Mortys: Rick what the hell are you doing? All Ricks: Saving our lives. After he takes me out he's gonna be coming for you! All Summers: Who? All Ricks: Me! All Summers: Ahh! All Mortys: Whoa whoa! All Ricks: Oh God, now there's three of them, we're outnumbered! Get in the cupboards! Wait, don't don't do that, they'll know... wait wait, think about getting in the cupboards but don't really. AAAAH IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT YOU SICK FUCKS? YOU WANNA SEE CHILDREN DIE?

Oh God, now there's three of them, we're outnumbered! Get in the cupboards! Wait, don't don't do that, they'll know... wait wait, think about getting in the cupboards but don't really. AAAAH IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT YOU SICK FUCKS? YOU WANNA SEE CHILDREN DIE?

All Summers: You tried to kill yourself! All Ricks: Only in self defense, myself tried to kill me first! Guys, I don't expect you to understand this, but time breaking twice means our problem is two times bigger and we've got half as much time to solve it. Well actually, I do expect you to understand that, it's basic math. C-could someone just let me out of here? If I die in a cage I lose a bet. All Summers: Well is there some way you can prove you're not a threat to yourself and others anymore? All Ricks: Ah, for God's sake, alright here, give me the time crystal. All Mortys: W-what're you doing? All Ricks: Calling myself. Here, listen, it'll probably go to voice mail since, you know, I'm calling myself. All Ricks:

All Summers: You tried to kill yourself! All Ricks: Only in self defense, myself tried to kill me first! Guys, I don't expect you to understand this, but time breaking twice means our problem is two times bigger and we've got half as much time to solve it. Well actually, I do expect you to understand that, it's basic math. C-could someone just let me out of here? If I die in a cage I lose a bet. All Summers: Well is there some way you can prove you're not a threat to yourself and others anymore? All Ricks: Ah, for God's sake, alright here, give me the time crystal. All Mortys: W-what're you doing? All Ricks: Calling myself. Here, listen, it'll probably go to voice mail since, you know, I'm calling myself. All Ricks: Don't fall for it, it's a bit.

Don't fall for it, it's a bit.

Pickle Rick: Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle. When I feel like it. So...you asked. Dr. Wong: Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk -to belittle my vocation- just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some pee well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose. Pickle Rick: I, um I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. I, I shouldn't lie to you. Beth: Oh, it's fine. I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't. But I hope you know that's not what that session was supposed to be. Pickle Rick: Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants and Summer snorting glue or whatever... Beth: She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle. When I feel like it. So...you asked. Dr. Wong: Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk -to belittle my vocation- just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some pee well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose. Pickle Rick: I, um I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. I, I shouldn't lie to you. Beth: Oh, it's fine. I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't. But I hope you know that's not what that session was supposed to be. Pickle Rick: Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants and Summer snorting glue or whatever... Beth: She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it. Pickle Rick: Well, there was so much more at stake. I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist.

Well, there was so much more at stake. I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist.

Morty: Rick, whoever did this is an even bigger threat than Worldender! We can't leave now! Supernova: He's right. This is far from over. Rick: Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour. Rick: Shit. Million Ants: I sense the presence of a greater evil. Drunk Rick: Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!! Rick:

Morty: Rick, whoever did this is an even bigger threat than Worldender! We can't leave now! Supernova: He's right. This is far from over. Rick: Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour. Rick: Shit. Million Ants: I sense the presence of a greater evil. Drunk Rick: Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!! Rick: Welp, it's official. I had too much to drink last night.

Welp, it's official. I had too much to drink last night.

Candidate Morty: I don’t see a divide between Ricks and Mortys. Candidate Morty: You guys finished? The division I see is between the Ricks and Mortys that like the Citadel divided, and the rest of us. I see it everywhere I go. Candidate Morty: I see it in our schools, where they teach Mortys we’re all the same because they’re threatened by what makes us unique. Candidate Morty: I see it in our streets, where they give guns to Mortys so we’re too busy fighting each other to fight real injustice. Candidate Morty: I see it in our factories, where Ricks work for a fraction of their boss’s salary, even though they’re identical and have the same IQ. The Citadel’s problem isn’t homeless Mortys or outraged Ricks. Candidate Morty: The Citadel’s problem is the Ricks and Mortys feeding on the Citadel’s debt. Rick J-22:

Candidate Morty: I don’t see a divide between Ricks and Mortys. Candidate Morty: You guys finished? The division I see is between the Ricks and Mortys that like the Citadel divided, and the rest of us. I see it everywhere I go. Candidate Morty: I see it in our schools, where they teach Mortys we’re all the same because they’re threatened by what makes us unique. Candidate Morty: I see it in our streets, where they give guns to Mortys so we’re too busy fighting each other to fight real injustice. Candidate Morty: I see it in our factories, where Ricks work for a fraction of their boss’s salary, even though they’re identical and have the same IQ. The Citadel’s problem isn’t homeless Mortys or outraged Ricks. Candidate Morty: The Citadel’s problem is the Ricks and Mortys feeding on the Citadel’s debt. Rick J-22: Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Rick: He threatened to turn me in to the government, so I made him and the government go away. Morty: Oh, fuck. Rick: I've replaced them both as the de facto patriarch of your family and your universe. Your mom wouldn't have accepted me if I came home - Morty: Oh, man. Rick: - without you and your sister, so now you know the real reason I rescued you. Oh! I just took over the family, Morty, and if you tell your mom - Morty: Oh, man. Rick:

Rick: He threatened to turn me in to the government, so I made him and the government go away. Morty: Oh, fuck. Rick: I've replaced them both as the de facto patriarch of your family and your universe. Your mom wouldn't have accepted me if I came home - Morty: Oh, man. Rick: - without you and your sister, so now you know the real reason I rescued you. Oh! I just took over the family, Morty, and if you tell your mom - Morty: Oh, man. Rick: - or sister I said any of this, I'll deny it -

- or sister I said any of this, I'll deny it -

Rick: Ice, I don’t want to be a negative Nelly or anything, but if Morty doesn’t come back with my portal gun and I eat it out there, it’s, uh, kind of your problem too. Ice-T: Pfff. I ain’t worried about no Earth blowin’ up, man. Rick: What? Why not? Ice-T: Yo, this is why. Rick: What the fuck? You can turn into ice? Ice-T: My story begins at the dawn of time in the far away realm of Alphabetrium. There, every being is a letter of the alphabet. But I was frozen and exiled to the cosmos by my elders as punishment for not caring enough about anything. Earth is just one of the many stops on my lifelong journey with no destination. So you better believe I don’t care if it blows up! Cause I’ll just be ice, floatin’ through space, like a comet! Rick:

Rick: Ice, I don’t want to be a negative Nelly or anything, but if Morty doesn’t come back with my portal gun and I eat it out there, it’s, uh, kind of your problem too. Ice-T: Pfff. I ain’t worried about no Earth blowin’ up, man. Rick: What? Why not? Ice-T: Yo, this is why. Rick: What the fuck? You can turn into ice? Ice-T: My story begins at the dawn of time in the far away realm of Alphabetrium. There, every being is a letter of the alphabet. But I was frozen and exiled to the cosmos by my elders as punishment for not caring enough about anything. Earth is just one of the many stops on my lifelong journey with no destination. So you better believe I don’t care if it blows up! Cause I’ll just be ice, floatin’ through space, like a comet! Rick: Take it from me, Ice. You can’t just float around space not caring about stuff forever.

Take it from me, Ice. You can’t just float around space not caring about stuff forever.

Summer 1: What? English please? All Ricks: Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical. All Mortys: But I thought there were infinite timelines. All Ricks: We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look. All Mortys: Oh, my God! All Summers: Are those cats? All Ricks:

Summer 1: What? English please? All Ricks: Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical. All Mortys: But I thought there were infinite timelines. All Ricks: We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look. All Mortys: Oh, my God! All Summers: Are those cats? All Ricks: I assume they're Schrodinger's cats. A-actually, I assume they both are and aren't, just like us.

I assume they're Schrodinger's cats. A-actually, I assume they both are and aren't, just like us.

Riq IV: Morty? Morty: What? N-No, I don't want to see your Pog collection. I don't renounce Rick, and I never have. I was just trying to protect my sister. I wanted you to have a normal life. That's something you can't have when Rick shows up. Everything real turns fake. Everything right is wrong. All you know is that you know nothing and he knows everything. And, well -- well, he's not a villain, Summer, but he shouldn't be your hero. He's more like a demon or a super fucked up god. Riq IV: Let's not suck the ghost of his dick too hard. He was a terrorist, and now he's dead. Morty: Oh, yeah? If you think my Rick's dead, he's alive. And if you think you're safe, he's coming for you! Riq IV: All right, calm down! We have his Summer as a hostage. Obviously, I get her. You guys play Rick, Laser, Scissors for the Morty. Summer: Grandpa Rick! Rick:

Riq IV: Morty? Morty: What? N-No, I don't want to see your Pog collection. I don't renounce Rick, and I never have. I was just trying to protect my sister. I wanted you to have a normal life. That's something you can't have when Rick shows up. Everything real turns fake. Everything right is wrong. All you know is that you know nothing and he knows everything. And, well -- well, he's not a villain, Summer, but he shouldn't be your hero. He's more like a demon or a super fucked up god. Riq IV: Let's not suck the ghost of his dick too hard. He was a terrorist, and now he's dead. Morty: Oh, yeah? If you think my Rick's dead, he's alive. And if you think you're safe, he's coming for you! Riq IV: All right, calm down! We have his Summer as a hostage. Obviously, I get her. You guys play Rick, Laser, Scissors for the Morty. Summer: Grandpa Rick! Rick: Duh!

Duh!

Pickle Rick: Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet. Pickle Rick: So... hot. This is how I'm gonna die. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, moisture. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here! Pickle Rick: Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular! Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet. Pickle Rick: So... hot. This is how I'm gonna die. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, moisture. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here! Pickle Rick: Oh! Oh! Pickle Rick: Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular! Pickle Rick: Oh, shiiit! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, shiiit! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Morty: Vance, stay calm... Vance: Oh, so you're the leader now because we gave you a jacket?! You're the learning-disabled kid we do photo-ops with! Morty: Okay, ouch, but... Vance: Okay, this... this is triggering me. I need space. I-I need SPACE! FROM THIS! Alan: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't crush your windpipe! Rick: Because my epidermis is laced with a nanofiber defense mesh. Rick:

Morty: Vance, stay calm... Vance: Oh, so you're the leader now because we gave you a jacket?! You're the learning-disabled kid we do photo-ops with! Morty: Okay, ouch, but... Vance: Okay, this... this is triggering me. I need space. I-I need SPACE! FROM THIS! Alan: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't crush your windpipe! Rick: Because my epidermis is laced with a nanofiber defense mesh. Rick: And because, like I said, I don't remember last night.

And because, like I said, I don't remember last night.

Summer: Oh my God, his head is in his food. I'm going to puke. Beth: Morty, are you getting sick? I told you not to practice-kiss the living room pillow. The dog sleeps on it. Morty: I wasn't kissing a pillow, mom. I just I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Maybe my dreams were just too loud or something. Summer: Or maybe you were out all night again with Grandpa Rick. Jerry: What? Beth: Dad? Rick:

Summer: Oh my God, his head is in his food. I'm going to puke. Beth: Morty, are you getting sick? I told you not to practice-kiss the living room pillow. The dog sleeps on it. Morty: I wasn't kissing a pillow, mom. I just I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Maybe my dreams were just too loud or something. Summer: Or maybe you were out all night again with Grandpa Rick. Jerry: What? Beth: Dad? Rick: What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?

What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?

All Mortys: We put you in a dog crate because you were acting crazy, and you caused another time fracture. All Summers: You tried to kill yourself! All Ricks: Only in self defense, myself tried to kill me first! Guys, I don't expect you to understand this, but time breaking twice means our problem is two times bigger and we've got half as much time to solve it. Well actually, I do expect you to understand that, it's basic math. C-could someone just let me out of here? If I die in a cage I lose a bet. All Summers: Well is there some way you can prove you're not a threat to yourself and others anymore? All Ricks: Ah, for God's sake, alright here, give me the time crystal. All Mortys: W-what're you doing? All Ricks:

All Mortys: We put you in a dog crate because you were acting crazy, and you caused another time fracture. All Summers: You tried to kill yourself! All Ricks: Only in self defense, myself tried to kill me first! Guys, I don't expect you to understand this, but time breaking twice means our problem is two times bigger and we've got half as much time to solve it. Well actually, I do expect you to understand that, it's basic math. C-could someone just let me out of here? If I die in a cage I lose a bet. All Summers: Well is there some way you can prove you're not a threat to yourself and others anymore? All Ricks: Ah, for God's sake, alright here, give me the time crystal. All Mortys: W-what're you doing? All Ricks: Calling myself. Here, listen, it'll probably go to voice mail since, you know, I'm calling myself.

Calling myself. Here, listen, it'll probably go to voice mail since, you know, I'm calling myself.

Supernova: It's Worldender! What happened to him? Million Ants: I sense his life force is fading. Rick: Million Ants, ladies and gentleman! The ant colony with the power of two human eyes! Rick: All right. Short mission, good mission. Remember when Alan wanted to use a ghost train? See you guys in Vindicators 4. Morty? Morty: Rick, whoever did this is an even bigger threat than Worldender! We can't leave now! Supernova: He's right. This is far from over. Rick:

Supernova: It's Worldender! What happened to him? Million Ants: I sense his life force is fading. Rick: Million Ants, ladies and gentleman! The ant colony with the power of two human eyes! Rick: All right. Short mission, good mission. Remember when Alan wanted to use a ghost train? See you guys in Vindicators 4. Morty? Morty: Rick, whoever did this is an even bigger threat than Worldender! We can't leave now! Supernova: He's right. This is far from over. Rick: Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour.

Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour.

Rick: Not until I finish what I started. And that is how you get level-nine access without a password. Rick: Employee of the month, ladies and gentlemen. Morty: So, what are you doing with level-nine access anyways? Rick: Destroying the galactic government. Summer: Are you going to set all their nukes to target each other? Morty: Ooh, or -- or reprogram their military portals to disintegrate their entire space fleet? Rick:

Rick: Not until I finish what I started. And that is how you get level-nine access without a password. Rick: Employee of the month, ladies and gentlemen. Morty: So, what are you doing with level-nine access anyways? Rick: Destroying the galactic government. Summer: Are you going to set all their nukes to target each other? Morty: Ooh, or -- or reprogram their military portals to disintegrate their entire space fleet? Rick: Good pitches, kids. I'm almost proud. But watch closely as Grandpa topples an empire by changing a one to a zero.

Good pitches, kids. I'm almost proud. But watch closely as Grandpa topples an empire by changing a one to a zero.

Rick: No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon. Morty: What? Rick: It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream. Morty: But I-it's been like a whole year! Rick: It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie. Morty: Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants. Rick:

Rick: No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon. Morty: What? Rick: It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream. Morty: But I-it's been like a whole year! Rick: It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie. Morty: Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants. Rick: No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth.

No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth.

Summer: Oh, my God. Nancy says they're drawing and quartering aliens in the school courtyard, and it technically counts as patriotism. Morty: Geez! Are my parents seriously gonna get divorced? All right, Rick, I'm gonna go to my -- Rick: Not so fast, Morty. You heard your mom. We've got adventures to go on, Morty -- just you and me -- and sometimes your sister and sometimes your mom, but never your dad. You want to know why, Morty? Because he crossed me. Morty: Okay, take it easy, Rick. T-T-That's dark. Rick: Oh, it gets darker, Morty. Welcome to the darkest year of our adventures. First thing that's different -- no more Dad, Morty. Morty: Oh, geez. Rick:

Summer: Oh, my God. Nancy says they're drawing and quartering aliens in the school courtyard, and it technically counts as patriotism. Morty: Geez! Are my parents seriously gonna get divorced? All right, Rick, I'm gonna go to my -- Rick: Not so fast, Morty. You heard your mom. We've got adventures to go on, Morty -- just you and me -- and sometimes your sister and sometimes your mom, but never your dad. You want to know why, Morty? Because he crossed me. Morty: Okay, take it easy, Rick. T-T-That's dark. Rick: Oh, it gets darker, Morty. Welcome to the darkest year of our adventures. First thing that's different -- no more Dad, Morty. Morty: Oh, geez. Rick: He threatened to turn me in to the government, so I made him and the government go away.

He threatened to turn me in to the government, so I made him and the government go away.

Rick: Oh, shit. Drunk Rick: Sorry, I'm... not good at goodbyes. It looks like I'm never gonna see you again. I can't really roll with the hero types, and I don't... th-they don't want me around. But I want... you to know, even if I didn't show it at the time, II really appreciated you sticking by me. Drunk Rick: Goddammit, why am I crying? It makes no sense. Drunk Rick: Ugh, y-you're probably confused because we barely know each other... Drunk Rick: ...but you really stuck your neck out when you gave me props for my awesome jokes in the briefing room. Everybody else had their heads so far up their ass. Even my own grandson is like, "Oh, the Vindicators are so cool." I mean, he's a moron, it's their... demographic. But you're different, Noob-Noob. Morty: ...Motherfucker! Drunk Rick:

Rick: Oh, shit. Drunk Rick: Sorry, I'm... not good at goodbyes. It looks like I'm never gonna see you again. I can't really roll with the hero types, and I don't... th-they don't want me around. But I want... you to know, even if I didn't show it at the time, II really appreciated you sticking by me. Drunk Rick: Goddammit, why am I crying? It makes no sense. Drunk Rick: Ugh, y-you're probably confused because we barely know each other... Drunk Rick: ...but you really stuck your neck out when you gave me props for my awesome jokes in the briefing room. Everybody else had their heads so far up their ass. Even my own grandson is like, "Oh, the Vindicators are so cool." I mean, he's a moron, it's their... demographic. But you're different, Noob-Noob. Morty: ...Motherfucker! Drunk Rick: You're fucking cool! And you're smart! And I bet we coulda hung out and shit! And I hope you get to be a full-fledged Vindicator! A-And d-do me a favor. Do-Don't let him know I... I got emotional. But you can tell him one thing. Tell him I said... Oh, fuck. Okay, I just shit myself. Okay, later.

You're fucking cool! And you're smart! And I bet we coulda hung out and shit! And I hope you get to be a full-fledged Vindicator! A-And d-do me a favor. Do-Don't let him know I... I got emotional. But you can tell him one thing. Tell him I said... Oh, fuck. Okay, I just shit myself. Okay, later.

Drunk Rick: Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!! Rick: Welp, it's official. I had too much to drink last night. Drunk Rick: If you guys are watching this, you're, you know, the Vindicators. So now that we know... Vance: Rick? What's going on, buddy? Rick: Obviously, I came here last night during a blackout. Supernova: Obviously? You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk, you don't remember doing it? That's something obvious to you? Rick:

Drunk Rick: Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!! Rick: Welp, it's official. I had too much to drink last night. Drunk Rick: If you guys are watching this, you're, you know, the Vindicators. So now that we know... Vance: Rick? What's going on, buddy? Rick: Obviously, I came here last night during a blackout. Supernova: Obviously? You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk, you don't remember doing it? That's something obvious to you? Rick: Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours.

Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours.

Morty: Rick! Rick: Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later. Riq IV: That's enough, Rick. Rick: What -- What's this supposed to accomplish? We have infinite grandkids. You're trying to use Disney bucks at a Caesar's Palace here. Summer: That's a bluff. He's bluffing, sir. He loves me. Riq IV: You're a rogue Rick -- irrational, passionate. You love your grandkids. You came to rescue them. Rick:

Morty: Rick! Rick: Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later. Riq IV: That's enough, Rick. Rick: What -- What's this supposed to accomplish? We have infinite grandkids. You're trying to use Disney bucks at a Caesar's Palace here. Summer: That's a bluff. He's bluffing, sir. He loves me. Riq IV: You're a rogue Rick -- irrational, passionate. You love your grandkids. You came to rescue them. Rick: I came to kill you, bro. That's not even my original Summer.

I came to kill you, bro. That's not even my original Summer.

Rick: Morty! You gotta come on. Jus'... you gotta come with me. Morty: What, Rick? What’s going on? Rick: I got a surprise for you, Morty. Morty: It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about? Rick: Come on, I got a surprise for you. Come on, hurry up. Morty: Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard! Rick:

Rick: Morty! You gotta come on. Jus'... you gotta come with me. Morty: What, Rick? What’s going on? Rick: I got a surprise for you, Morty. Morty: It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about? Rick: Come on, I got a surprise for you. Come on, hurry up. Morty: Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard! Rick: We gotta go, gotta get outta here, come on. Got a surprise for you Morty.

We gotta go, gotta get outta here, come on. Got a surprise for you Morty.

Principal Vagina: Yeah, see, I thought something was fishy there, because it's usually Morty's grandpa that's taking him out of school. Beth: Summer? Summer: What kind of God lets this happen? Principal Vagina: We had a little incident. A student was frozen to death. And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it! Everyone wants to take this to a racial place. I won't let them. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Rick:

Principal Vagina: Yeah, see, I thought something was fishy there, because it's usually Morty's grandpa that's taking him out of school. Beth: Summer? Summer: What kind of God lets this happen? Principal Vagina: We had a little incident. A student was frozen to death. And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it! Everyone wants to take this to a racial place. I won't let them. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Rick: I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt?

I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt?

Morty: Alright, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance. Jerry: Yeah, I'm just going to...check on your mom. Rick: Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great. Morty: Hey, listen, Rick. You know how you said that, you know... love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinkn', you know, www... could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing, you know, like maybe make some sort of love potion or something? Rick: Morty, that's such a poor use of my time, it's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver. Morty: YOU KNOW WHAT, NO RICK! I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE SCREWDRIVER! Uh, I'm never gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick. I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. Www...what about me, Rick? Www... why can't you just help me out once, once, for once? Rick:

Morty: Alright, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance. Jerry: Yeah, I'm just going to...check on your mom. Rick: Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great. Morty: Hey, listen, Rick. You know how you said that, you know... love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinkn', you know, www... could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing, you know, like maybe make some sort of love potion or something? Rick: Morty, that's such a poor use of my time, it's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver. Morty: YOU KNOW WHAT, NO RICK! I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE SCREWDRIVER! Uh, I'm never gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick. I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. Www...what about me, Rick? Www... why can't you just help me out once, once, for once? Rick: You're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass! Listen, this is called oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. You know what a VOLE is, Morty, you know what a vole is?

You're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass! Listen, this is called oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. You know what a VOLE is, Morty, you know what a vole is?

Summer: He got captured by the Federation and we were going to rescue him. Summer: Boo-yah! Summer: Boo-nah? Young Rick: Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt. Young Rick: Nooooooo! Cornvelious Daniel: Wow. This sauce is fucking amazing. You said it was promoting a movie? Young Rick:

Summer: He got captured by the Federation and we were going to rescue him. Summer: Boo-yah! Summer: Boo-nah? Young Rick: Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt. Young Rick: Nooooooo! Cornvelious Daniel: Wow. This sauce is fucking amazing. You said it was promoting a movie? Young Rick: Carry the three, add a two. I got it. I fucking got it.

Carry the three, add a two. I got it. I fucking got it.

Rick: You know what, Morty? You're right. Let's forget the girl altogether. She, she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways. Morty: That's it... that's it, Rick. I'm taking the wheel. Rick: Get off of me, Morty! Morty: I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy! I'm put—I’m, I'm, I'm, I'm puttin’... I-I’m, I’m, I’m not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb... dumb person and just le-let you ruin the whole world! Rick: Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don’t you marry it? What are you, crazy? Alright, alright, Morty. Rick: Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden. Rick:

Rick: You know what, Morty? You're right. Let's forget the girl altogether. She, she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways. Morty: That's it... that's it, Rick. I'm taking the wheel. Rick: Get off of me, Morty! Morty: I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy! I'm put—I’m, I'm, I'm, I'm puttin’... I-I’m, I’m, I’m not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb... dumb person and just le-let you ruin the whole world! Rick: Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don’t you marry it? What are you, crazy? Alright, alright, Morty. Rick: Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden. Rick: We'll park it right here, Morty. Right here on the side of the ree... road here.

We'll park it right here, Morty. Right here on the side of the ree... road here.

Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Rick: I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt? Morty: Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt. Rick: That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a- Rick: Why does he have to go over there? Rick: What new- what new machine? Rick:

Announcer: The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only. Rick: I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt? Morty: Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt. Rick: That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a- Rick: Why does he have to go over there? Rick: What new- what new machine? Rick: Run, Morty! Run!

Run, Morty! Run!

Candidate Morty: Yes? Candidate Morty: Gosh. We moved around so much it’s hard to remember. I see every Rick as my Rick. Candidate Morty: I hope they see me as their Morty. Campaign Manager Morty: Another, please, with less water. Campaign Manager Morty: I guess I shoulda had more faith. Campaign Manager Morty: What’s this? Cop Rick:

Candidate Morty: Yes? Candidate Morty: Gosh. We moved around so much it’s hard to remember. I see every Rick as my Rick. Candidate Morty: I hope they see me as their Morty. Campaign Manager Morty: Another, please, with less water. Campaign Manager Morty: I guess I shoulda had more faith. Campaign Manager Morty: What’s this? Cop Rick: Hands in the air!

Hands in the air!

Testicle Monster A: Ay, damn it, were you tryin' to use this to- oh, see, you broke time, and you thought you could just stick it back together with this? How you think you gonna move time while you're standin in it you dumn ass three-dimensional monkey ass dummies? All Mortys: Oh way to go, Rick. All Summers: Yeah Grampa, way to go. All Ricks: Oh, what you're just gonna listen to this guy now? He's got a giant testicle for a head! He came here in a bubble. For all we know he could be the David Berkowitz of Nutsack Land. Testicle Monster A: Shut up. Here, put these on. They'll sync your possibilities up so I can bring you back to certain time. Y'all just-just negligent, now ay, ay, ay, the three of you, put your collars on! Testicle Monster A: Exactly, because you're being obstinate. Rick:

Testicle Monster A: Ay, damn it, were you tryin' to use this to- oh, see, you broke time, and you thought you could just stick it back together with this? How you think you gonna move time while you're standin in it you dumn ass three-dimensional monkey ass dummies? All Mortys: Oh way to go, Rick. All Summers: Yeah Grampa, way to go. All Ricks: Oh, what you're just gonna listen to this guy now? He's got a giant testicle for a head! He came here in a bubble. For all we know he could be the David Berkowitz of Nutsack Land. Testicle Monster A: Shut up. Here, put these on. They'll sync your possibilities up so I can bring you back to certain time. Y'all just-just negligent, now ay, ay, ay, the three of you, put your collars on! Testicle Monster A: Exactly, because you're being obstinate. Rick: Yes, we're back, problem solved.

Yes, we're back, problem solved.

Nathan: Have you tried sending it launch codes? Mr. President, what America’s got is 70,000 megatons of KABOOM-BOOM! And I say we show it right up this floating head’s ass! Rick: Stay back! This watch turns people into snakes! President: Stand down. Everybody stand down! I’m the leader of these people and I’m unarmed. There’s no need for any more snake-makery. Rick: My name is Rick Sanchez. This here’s my grandson Morty. Morty: Hey. Rick: I’ve seen enough of the galaxy to know that what we’ve got here is a Cromulon from the Cygnus-5 Expanse. So you can forget about nukes, and you can forget about math. This head won’t go away until Earth shows them it’s got a hit song. Rick:

Nathan: Have you tried sending it launch codes? Mr. President, what America’s got is 70,000 megatons of KABOOM-BOOM! And I say we show it right up this floating head’s ass! Rick: Stay back! This watch turns people into snakes! President: Stand down. Everybody stand down! I’m the leader of these people and I’m unarmed. There’s no need for any more snake-makery. Rick: My name is Rick Sanchez. This here’s my grandson Morty. Morty: Hey. Rick: I’ve seen enough of the galaxy to know that what we’ve got here is a Cromulon from the Cygnus-5 Expanse. So you can forget about nukes, and you can forget about math. This head won’t go away until Earth shows them it’s got a hit song. Rick: No, Frasier. A live performance of a newly-written, catchy, original song. The Cromulon feed on the talent and showmanship of less-evolved lifeforms.

No, Frasier. A live performance of a newly-written, catchy, original song. The Cromulon feed on the talent and showmanship of less-evolved lifeforms.

Rick: Alright fine, but you're not touching my CRISPR. Summer: Is he going to die? Rick: What? Every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the galaxy. It's like those pizza places that claim to have the best pizza in the world. What- Do you think they have pizza contests? Have you ever been to a pizza contest? Beth: Go in the waiting room, Dad. Rick: Fine! Excuse me. Coming through. What are you here for- Just kidding, I don't care. Well this won't do. Rick: A sequel. Rick:

Rick: Alright fine, but you're not touching my CRISPR. Summer: Is he going to die? Rick: What? Every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the galaxy. It's like those pizza places that claim to have the best pizza in the world. What- Do you think they have pizza contests? Have you ever been to a pizza contest? Beth: Go in the waiting room, Dad. Rick: Fine! Excuse me. Coming through. What are you here for- Just kidding, I don't care. Well this won't do. Rick: A sequel. Rick: Yeah me neither, we pretty much nailed it the first time.

Yeah me neither, we pretty much nailed it the first time.

Rick: What? Every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the galaxy. It's like those pizza places that claim to have the best pizza in the world. What- Do you think they have pizza contests? Have you ever been to a pizza contest? Beth: Go in the waiting room, Dad. Rick: Fine! Excuse me. Coming through. What are you here for- Just kidding, I don't care. Well this won't do. Rick: A sequel. Rick: Yeah me neither, we pretty much nailed it the first time. Announcer: Eye-holes! Get them today! IKEA. Rick:

Rick: What? Every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the galaxy. It's like those pizza places that claim to have the best pizza in the world. What- Do you think they have pizza contests? Have you ever been to a pizza contest? Beth: Go in the waiting room, Dad. Rick: Fine! Excuse me. Coming through. What are you here for- Just kidding, I don't care. Well this won't do. Rick: A sequel. Rick: Yeah me neither, we pretty much nailed it the first time. Announcer: Eye-holes! Get them today! IKEA. Rick: You gotta be careful Morty, if that guy catches you with a box of his eye-holes he comes bursting in through a window and just starts kicking the shit outta you. But it's worth the risk, they melt in your mouth Morty! They're delicious.

You gotta be careful Morty, if that guy catches you with a box of his eye-holes he comes bursting in through a window and just starts kicking the shit outta you. But it's worth the risk, they melt in your mouth Morty! They're delicious.

Cop Morty: Bootleg portal fluid. Cop Morty: Guess his math was off. Search the place. Cop Rick: It’s okay, Morty. Cop Morty: Jesus! Cop Rick: He stabbed me! He got me bad, Morty. Cop Morty: Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay. Cop Rick:

Cop Morty: Bootleg portal fluid. Cop Morty: Guess his math was off. Search the place. Cop Rick: It’s okay, Morty. Cop Morty: Jesus! Cop Rick: He stabbed me! He got me bad, Morty. Cop Morty: Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay. Cop Rick: You were right… Everything I learned in the academy was--

You were right… Everything I learned in the academy was--

Rick: Uh, w-why don't you get it Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job. Summer: Gross, what is that thing? Rick: Ughhhh... belchflies towards front doorTurning back around and re-entering dining roomScoffsHovers over Jerry and fully shoves him into underside before flying away through open front door and into skyRuns to front doorFollow BethLooking into skyStill eating cerealUnscrewing and drinking from scotch flaskMorty waveskissing Beth's handHolding a suit in a dry cleaning bag* Your language has 'squanch,' in it a lot. Doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing? Rick: Beth, Squanchy culture is more... contextual than literal. You just say what's in your squanch and people understand. Beth: Oh, okay... I squanch my family. Beth: What? I do, I squanch my family. Rick:

Rick: Uh, w-why don't you get it Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job. Summer: Gross, what is that thing? Rick: Ughhhh... belchflies towards front doorTurning back around and re-entering dining roomScoffsHovers over Jerry and fully shoves him into underside before flying away through open front door and into skyRuns to front doorFollow BethLooking into skyStill eating cerealUnscrewing and drinking from scotch flaskMorty waveskissing Beth's handHolding a suit in a dry cleaning bag* Your language has 'squanch,' in it a lot. Doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing? Rick: Beth, Squanchy culture is more... contextual than literal. You just say what's in your squanch and people understand. Beth: Oh, okay... I squanch my family. Beth: What? I do, I squanch my family. Rick: Oh boy. Time to go, Morty.

Oh boy. Time to go, Morty.

Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pickle Rick: Oh, crap, that sun is bright. Pickle Rick: Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet. Pickle Rick: So... hot. This is how I'm gonna die. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, moisture. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Pickle Rick: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pickle Rick: Oh, crap, that sun is bright. Pickle Rick: Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet. Pickle Rick: So... hot. This is how I'm gonna die. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, moisture. Pickle Rick: Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here!

Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here!

Brad: Dude, Stay in your league! Look at how hot she is! You don't see me going to a bigger school, in a wealthier district and hittin' on their prettiest girl! Jessica: Gee, thanks, Brad. Brad: I throw balls far. You want good words, date a languager. Jerry: Eh, Try not to worry about it, Morty. You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape. Morty: You're missing the point, Dad. I don't want girls, I want Jessica! Jerry: Ahhh, well, I remember feeling that way about a young lady named your mom, and that's not an urban dis, your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her, I thought... Rick:

Brad: Dude, Stay in your league! Look at how hot she is! You don't see me going to a bigger school, in a wealthier district and hittin' on their prettiest girl! Jessica: Gee, thanks, Brad. Brad: I throw balls far. You want good words, date a languager. Jerry: Eh, Try not to worry about it, Morty. You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape. Morty: You're missing the point, Dad. I don't want girls, I want Jessica! Jerry: Ahhh, well, I remember feeling that way about a young lady named your mom, and that's not an urban dis, your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her, I thought... Rick: I should get her pregnant, then she'll have to marry me.

I should get her pregnant, then she'll have to marry me.

Rick: You'll never get away with this, Concerto. Rick: This is it, Morty. We're goners. We're not getting out of this one. After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die. Make peace with your god. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die! Rick: Jaguar! Morty: Who? Who was that, Rick? Rick: That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy. Rick:

Rick: You'll never get away with this, Concerto. Rick: This is it, Morty. We're goners. We're not getting out of this one. After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die. Make peace with your god. Morty: Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die! Rick: Jaguar! Morty: Who? Who was that, Rick? Rick: That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy. Rick: Don't let any of those things get away, Morty. If their DNA gets into Earth's food chain, our entire species could be sterilized.

Don't let any of those things get away, Morty. If their DNA gets into Earth's food chain, our entire species could be sterilized.

Rick: Run, Morty! Run! Morty: Aaaaaah! Morty: Ohhhhh! Morty: Ohhhhhh! Morty: Aaaaah! Rick: Don't think about it! Rick:

Rick: Run, Morty! Run! Morty: Aaaaaah! Morty: Ohhhhh! Morty: Ohhhhhh! Morty: Aaaaah! Rick: Don't think about it! Rick: Ooh! Oh, nice, Morty! The student becomes the teacher.

Ooh! Oh, nice, Morty! The student becomes the teacher.

Beth: Dad? Rick: What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time? Jerry: Damn it! Beth: Jerry! Jerry: Beth! Summer: Oh my god, my parents are so loud, I want to die. Rick:

Beth: Dad? Rick: What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time? Jerry: Damn it! Beth: Jerry! Jerry: Beth! Summer: Oh my god, my parents are so loud, I want to die. Rick: Mm, there is no God, Summer. You gotta rip that band-aid off now. You'll thank me later.

Mm, there is no God, Summer. You gotta rip that band-aid off now. You'll thank me later.

Summer: Of course I do, silly! Oh my God, daddy, I’m sorry I called you silly! I’m so sorry! Heavenly head and cranial creator! Forgive my transgressions against family and community! May my chores complete me as I complete them! Birdperson: Morty. Morty: Birdperson? Birdperson: You appear to be dying. I will make efforts to prevent this, but can promise nothing. Rick: Wh-What do you think, Ice? Probably a little over-developed. Ice-T: Shit. Over-developed, under-developed. Bad songs are bad songs. Rick:

Summer: Of course I do, silly! Oh my God, daddy, I’m sorry I called you silly! I’m so sorry! Heavenly head and cranial creator! Forgive my transgressions against family and community! May my chores complete me as I complete them! Birdperson: Morty. Morty: Birdperson? Birdperson: You appear to be dying. I will make efforts to prevent this, but can promise nothing. Rick: Wh-What do you think, Ice? Probably a little over-developed. Ice-T: Shit. Over-developed, under-developed. Bad songs are bad songs. Rick: Well, do you think maybe, could you give me some help with it, or… ?

Well, do you think maybe, could you give me some help with it, or… ?

Morty: It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about? Rick: Come on, I got a surprise for you. Come on, hurry up. Morty: Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard! Rick: We gotta go, gotta get outta here, come on. Got a surprise for you Morty. Rick: What do you think of this... flying vehicle, Morty? I built it outta stuff I found in the garage. Morty: Yeah, Rick... I-it's great. Is this the surprise? Rick:

Morty: It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about? Rick: Come on, I got a surprise for you. Come on, hurry up. Morty: Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard! Rick: We gotta go, gotta get outta here, come on. Got a surprise for you Morty. Rick: What do you think of this... flying vehicle, Morty? I built it outta stuff I found in the garage. Morty: Yeah, Rick... I-it's great. Is this the surprise? Rick: Morty. I had to... I had to do it. I had— I had to— I had to make a bomb, Morty. I had to create a bomb.

Morty. I had to... I had to do it. I had— I had to— I had to make a bomb, Morty. I had to create a bomb.

Morty: Oh, man, Rick. What is this place? Rick: It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of tree, Morty, called a Mega Tree, and there's fruit in those trees, and there's seeds in those fruits. I'm talking about Mega Seeds. They're they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty. Morty: Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing. Rick: All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be— Rick: HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!! Rick: I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty! Rick:

Morty: Oh, man, Rick. What is this place? Rick: It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of tree, Morty, called a Mega Tree, and there's fruit in those trees, and there's seeds in those fruits. I'm talking about Mega Seeds. They're they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty. Morty: Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing. Rick: All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be— Rick: HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!! Rick: I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty! Rick: Oh, Morty, take a deep breath. Breathe that breathe that fresh air in, Morty. Y-you smell that? That's the smell of adventure, Morty. That's that's the smell of-of-of-of a whole different evolutionary timeline.

Oh, Morty, take a deep breath. Breathe that breathe that fresh air in, Morty. Y-you smell that? That's the smell of adventure, Morty. That's that's the smell of-of-of-of a whole different evolutionary timeline.

Rick: Yeah, you're at the top of your game now, Jerry. Have fun. Come on, Morty. Morty: That was fantastic, Rick! Rick: Yeah, Morty, if you like that, boy, you're you're really going to flip your lid over this one. Morty: W-w-w-what is it? Rick: It's a device, Morty, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people's dreams, Morty. It's just like that movie that you keep crowing about. Morty: You talking about "Inception"? Rick:

Rick: Yeah, you're at the top of your game now, Jerry. Have fun. Come on, Morty. Morty: That was fantastic, Rick! Rick: Yeah, Morty, if you like that, boy, you're you're really going to flip your lid over this one. Morty: W-w-w-what is it? Rick: It's a device, Morty, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people's dreams, Morty. It's just like that movie that you keep crowing about. Morty: You talking about "Inception"? Rick: That's right, Morty. This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it's gonna may--be make sense.

That's right, Morty. This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it's gonna may--be make sense.

Summer 1: Ugh, I can help too. All Summers: What's happening Grampa? All Ricks: Shut up! Oh crap are you kidding me? Two dots? This never needs to be more than one dot. The two of you made us uncertain! Morty 1: What do you mean? Morty 2: What? In English? Summer 1: What? English please? All Ricks:

Summer 1: Ugh, I can help too. All Summers: What's happening Grampa? All Ricks: Shut up! Oh crap are you kidding me? Two dots? This never needs to be more than one dot. The two of you made us uncertain! Morty 1: What do you mean? Morty 2: What? In English? Summer 1: What? English please? All Ricks: Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical.

Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical.

Rick: That's what's gonna take us all the way to the end, Morty. Morty: What are you talking about?! Rick: Season -- Nine more seasons, Morty. Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce. Morty: What is that?! Rick: For 97 more years, Morty! Morty: What are you talking about?! Rick:

Rick: That's what's gonna take us all the way to the end, Morty. Morty: What are you talking about?! Rick: Season -- Nine more seasons, Morty. Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce. Morty: What is that?! Rick: For 97 more years, Morty! Morty: What are you talking about?! Rick: I want that McNugget sauce, Morty!

I want that McNugget sauce, Morty!

Pickle Rick: Well, Morty, if you know must know, the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation. Beth: Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late. Pickle Rick: W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? What are you doing there, sweetie? Beth: Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help? Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick:

Pickle Rick: Well, Morty, if you know must know, the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation. Beth: Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late. Pickle Rick: W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? What are you doing there, sweetie? Beth: Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help? Pickle Rick: Can't argue with that. Beth: Great. We'll see you later. Pickle Rick: Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat.

Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat.

Morty: Yeah, Rick, I get it. We're surrounded by monsters. That's kind of the reason why I want to leave. Rick: Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Morty, you see this? Rick: You see what we just stumbled upon, Morty? Any idea what that is down there? Morty: The mega trees? Rick: That's right, Morty the mega trees with the mega fruit on them and that's what I'm talking about, Morty. That's where my seeds are. If we would have done what you wanted, I would have never have found them, because you're so in love with school. Morty: All right, all right. So, what's so special about these seeds, anyways? Rick:

Morty: Yeah, Rick, I get it. We're surrounded by monsters. That's kind of the reason why I want to leave. Rick: Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Morty, you see this? Rick: You see what we just stumbled upon, Morty? Any idea what that is down there? Morty: The mega trees? Rick: That's right, Morty the mega trees with the mega fruit on them and that's what I'm talking about, Morty. That's where my seeds are. If we would have done what you wanted, I would have never have found them, because you're so in love with school. Morty: All right, all right. So, what's so special about these seeds, anyways? Rick: You ask a lot of questions, Morty. Not very charismatic. It makes you kind of an under- underfoot figure.

You ask a lot of questions, Morty. Not very charismatic. It makes you kind of an under- underfoot figure.

Rick: Man, I missed having hands and blood and a stomach. Beth: Really? Like, go somewhere? Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on. Rick: Absolutely. Morty: I, I liked her. Beth: So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? Maybe Shoney's? Rick: Yeah, either one. Either one. Rick:

Rick: Man, I missed having hands and blood and a stomach. Beth: Really? Like, go somewhere? Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on. Rick: Absolutely. Morty: I, I liked her. Beth: So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? Maybe Shoney's? Rick: Yeah, either one. Either one. Rick: You'll never get away with this, Concerto.

You'll never get away with this, Concerto.

Rick: If it takes nine seasons, I want my McNugget dipping sauce, Szechuan sauce, Morty. Morty: What are you talking about, Rick? Rick: That's what's gonna take us all the way to the end, Morty. Morty: What are you talking about?! Rick: Season -- Nine more seasons, Morty. Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce. Morty: What is that?! Rick:

Rick: If it takes nine seasons, I want my McNugget dipping sauce, Szechuan sauce, Morty. Morty: What are you talking about, Rick? Rick: That's what's gonna take us all the way to the end, Morty. Morty: What are you talking about?! Rick: Season -- Nine more seasons, Morty. Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce. Morty: What is that?! Rick: For 97 more years, Morty!

For 97 more years, Morty!

Rick: Great. Next time I need a species sterilized, who's gonna do it for me? You? Morty: Oh, Rick! I-Is that the Vindibeacon? We're being called to assemble by the Vindicators! Rick: I refuse to answer a literal call to adventure, Morty. Let it go to voicemail! Morty: Rick, the Vindicators only call when the universe itself is at stake! They're first line of defense against evil! They're the guardians of the unguarded! Rick: They're the writers of their own press releases, Morty! They're a bunch of drama queens that spend an hour talking and twenty minutes jumping around while shit blows up. They're a phase. We did one, it was the big event of that summer. Let it die. Morty: I, Morty Smith, invoke my right to choose one in every ten Rick and Morty adventures. Read 'em and weep. Rick:

Rick: Great. Next time I need a species sterilized, who's gonna do it for me? You? Morty: Oh, Rick! I-Is that the Vindibeacon? We're being called to assemble by the Vindicators! Rick: I refuse to answer a literal call to adventure, Morty. Let it go to voicemail! Morty: Rick, the Vindicators only call when the universe itself is at stake! They're first line of defense against evil! They're the guardians of the unguarded! Rick: They're the writers of their own press releases, Morty! They're a bunch of drama queens that spend an hour talking and twenty minutes jumping around while shit blows up. They're a phase. We did one, it was the big event of that summer. Let it die. Morty: I, Morty Smith, invoke my right to choose one in every ten Rick and Morty adventures. Read 'em and weep. Rick: God... fuckin' dammit! Fine! But don't say I didn't warn you.

God... fuckin' dammit! Fine! But don't say I didn't warn you.

Mr. Goldenfold: Hey! Look at the heads! Looks like the heads are gettin’ angry! President: I’m really bad at this, Morty! There are way too many buttons on this thing! Morty: Mr. President, if I’ve learned one thing today, it’s that sometimes, you have to not give a fuck! Rick: Nup-oo-nup-oo-nup-oo-nups… ooh, tough crowd. Principal Vagina: I’m sure that has… that has nothing to do with this. Summer: The heads are displeased! Rick:

Mr. Goldenfold: Hey! Look at the heads! Looks like the heads are gettin’ angry! President: I’m really bad at this, Morty! There are way too many buttons on this thing! Morty: Mr. President, if I’ve learned one thing today, it’s that sometimes, you have to not give a fuck! Rick: Nup-oo-nup-oo-nup-oo-nups… ooh, tough crowd. Principal Vagina: I’m sure that has… that has nothing to do with this. Summer: The heads are displeased! Rick: Morty!

Morty!

Beth: Do you really not see what's happening here? Dr. Wong: Tell me. Beth: Well, Dr. Wong -- by the way, racist name -- obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy. Dr. Wong: Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings. Beth: Fuck you. Beth: Fuck both of you, too. Pickle Rick:

Beth: Do you really not see what's happening here? Dr. Wong: Tell me. Beth: Well, Dr. Wong -- by the way, racist name -- obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy. Dr. Wong: Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings. Beth: Fuck you. Beth: Fuck both of you, too. Pickle Rick: By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special.

By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special.