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mavinsao

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Am I splitting or am I justified: the novel by me : Boyfriend: is mean because he's mad Me: feels abused Me: feels angry Me: wants to leave My therapist: your relationship is toxic and you're being abused, you need to leave Me: ...nah I'm just splitting/playing the victim/being manipulative/(insert other excuse here) At this point I feel literally split in 2. Part of me feels like something is wrong with my bf and I need to get out but the other part of me is convinced that it's actually ME. I am torturing myself. What the actual fuck is going on 🙃

3bpd

this is for anyone whose mother left a hole in their heart : Mother's Day is a hard day for me and it can be hard for anyone with a strained relationship with their mother due to unchecked mental illness and memories of child abuse and neglect that go invalidated well into adulthood. If you still struggle with grieving the loss of not having a mother, then this is for you. You were born by a cosmic roll of dice and landed into a home where your mother couldn't give you what you needed. You needed kind eyes, a nurturing soft voice, and loving arms. You are made of star stuff and deserve all that life can offer. You are a citizen of earth, and deserve real true love, from yourself, right now. Look at yourself with kind eyes, speak to yourself in a soft voice, and carry yourself through life with loving arms, especially when you are wanting to be the most critical of yourself. Love yourself not in spite of who you are, but because of every tiny detail about you whether it's the brown eyes you see in the mirror or the scars on your thigh. You are unique, incomparable, your story matters, and your heart and soul are human and imperfect just as they should be. I am a mother, and I offer you a loving motherly hug today. I accept you just as you and I have the strength to accept myself and love myself without condition. I invite you to be your own parent at the worst times and at the best. Hang in there if this is a rough day for you. Life is so hard but the good moments make it worth it.

3bpd

DAE get triggered when they get blocked : So today I got on facebook for the first time in ages to download some old photos. I added a old friend and the next day I login and I was blocked and I was then instantly triggered. It's been a hard enough weekend trying to decide on a major life decision. This has made it worse. Other than reddit I just can't do social media it's to triggering. Please tell me I'm not the only one that struggles with this. EDIT: just to clarify I barely knew this person. He was a old friend from high school that I use to talk to but we were never close friends. My reaction just shows how out of control my emotions are right now :(.

3bpd

Problem formulating thoughts into words : Does anyone struggle with expressing themselves verbally? I could have this idea in my mind but once I actually say it becomes pretty much tangled and sometimes people don’t understand what I was trying to say not even me haha. The only time when I don’t have this problem is when I am at least 100% sure of what I am saying; therefore, I pretty much have to fact check and formulate my thoughts at the same time before I say anything. I guess I’m afraid of criticism or being wrong. I don’t like to take sides either and be neutral. Sometimes I’m intimidated by others who I feel are more knowledgeable in the subject. As a result, I’m afraid to ask questions or how to even *ask* them.

1anxiety

Batman Impression : Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression." "Go on then" the second one says. "OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!" The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN" "Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

5none

Shoutout to a Professor : I never thought I’d thank a teacher. Either way, I’ve been taking a ceramics class. It’s overwhelming, and there are all these shelves but I can never remember which shelf belongs to what. I turned in my accommodations sheet to the teacher yesterday. She drew a little overhead map of the room and which shelf stored what. I guess it was obvious that I had been confused... But yeah, shoutout to people like her 🙂

0adhd

Disassociation and intrusive thoughts are keeping me from living in the moment. : I feel like I'm never fully in the moment. I'm either doubting a choice I made, doubting I can accomplish something in the future, or feeling like I'm just not..fully there. I'm always in my head and I can't get it to stop. Another issue is I tend to not hear things people say, I'm not deaf but it's like I just don't register it the first time I've tried lorazepam, clonazepam and other medications which helped but I felt more like a zombie than anything. Don't know what to do. Any advice would be great.

1anxiety

Mixed feelings about BPD Positivity : I'm someone who's been recently diagnosed and did a bunch of stereotypically bad things. Getting the cops called on you, substance abuse, rage, have physically hit people, etc. Being diagnosed with BPD (and other things) gave me some deep comfort and a lot of mixed feelings about having a personality disorder. But I always feel the most deep mixed feelings when I see people writing about the 'gifts' of BPD. I don't see it as something that should be stigmatized against but I don't see it as something that should be romanticized either. I often see the capacity of feeling deeper, connecting with others easily, having more empathy (I personally don't really agree with that) as common BPD 'upsides' but I don't agree with using these things as a positive uplift for having BPD. Any more than having symptoms of PTSD. And whatever upsides there are to being borderline are offset by some very nasty things. I think it is good to have a more positive approach to having BPD and coping with it, but I don't think trying to highlight and look for things that are 'good' about it to be a healthy approach. It's a very destructive ugly disorder that shouldn't be stigmatized. But just because it shouldn't have a stigma to it, doesn't mean it's something to make into a positive thing or to soften. There's a good future for those of us out there to have good relationships, a good life, a good job, etc. despite our illnesses. But I don't see our illnesses bringing us any strengths.

3bpd

how do you recognise hypomania? : BP1 diagnosed (25F) here. I’ve had one official manic episode with psychosis that led to me being hospitalised and being diagnosed. I’ve reflected on the last few years and realised I had a manic episode a few years back. What I’m not certain of is when I might have been hypomanic. It seems like my psychiatrist thinks I’ve been hypomanic for extended periods of time because I told her I don’t feel as excited about things as I used to and she said it might have been hypomania and she’s still trying to figure out what baseline looks like for me. Looking back on my teen to young adulthood I think I may have been hypomanic for months at a time but I’m not 100% sure on how to identify hypomania. What does hypomania look like to you?

2bipolar

A lot of us grew up feeling like there's something deeply wrong with us : A brief interaction with my sister, one of the few times we've gotten along, was *extremely* eye opening. I've put a lot of work into self-reflection and growing over the years, and we don't honestly know each other that well. I've seen her once a year or less for over a decade and we don't talk much. The self-reflection from this interaction on family dynamics, and truly the dynamics I had with any authority figure, led to a better understanding of how having ADHD has impacted my life and how I relate to others. This is a win for me! I mentioned to my sister that as a kid, I felt like there was something wrong with me. It felt like I couldn't do anything right and like I always picked the wrong action when I didn't even realize I was making a choice. I mentioned to her that now, I feel that I was just a normal kid but felt like and behaved like my own response to the world was weird. She agreed, and said I was only ever weird because I thought I was. There is a certain level of validity in that! I didn't accept myself, and judged my own behavior and interests based on the people around me and using *that* metric I certainly felt pretty weird! Things that were automatic to others were the opposite of the reaction which occurred to me in almost any situation. I felt guilty about my method of greeting the world and that made my already different behavior seem outright strange. Not five minutes after that interaction, she said something about how my life would be so much easier if I just did things the "normal way" like "everybody else." It really highlighted to me what growing up with ADHD was like. Growing up, a lot of people in my life invalidated my perspective and experience at every turn and then turned around and asked me what was wrong with me and why I couldn't just be normal. It's really hard not to feel guilty for existing when people ask constantly why you would dare exist in the way that comes naturally. I was and am normal - my normal - and they couldn't see it because they were judging my normal based on their own. I have good boundaries and healthier ways of relating and solid adaptive skills that work for me, and I trust myself. My way of interacting with the world isn't wrong. It's just my normal; not theirs. If that makes me weird to others, then baby I'll let that freak flag fly!

0adhd

Grades before and after medication (UK) : I struggled enormously with undiagnosed ADHD throughout my first 3 years of uni, bombing courses left right and centre and unable to do the bare minimum which left my self-confidence absolutely shattered. I was finally diagnosed at the end of my 3rd year at my uni's disability centre but had to wait a further 5 months to receive medication (NHS lol). I started Concerta at the end of last month, 4 weeks into term 1 of 4th year and what a difference it's made. So I got my first essay back since starting treatment and was so happy to discover I got a high 2:1 for it! I was so so scared to check my grade once it had been released, ironically more nervous than I had been before treatment when I would throw together a garbled mess of thinly veiled BS the night before, scraping through with low 2:2/borderline 3rd grades. I think the fact that I had actually spent time and effort on a piece of work meant that I would have been more disappointed if it had still turned out to be rubbish. I finally feel like I am getting somewhere and starting to live up to my potential. Yes, it's not perfect but the difference is night and day. I'm going to be proactive and speak to my tutor for extended feedback so I can work out how I can improve, something that I NEVER used to do. The shame I felt about turning in appallingly mediocre work meant that I completely disengaged from my courses, unable to bring myself to read feedback let alone actually approach my tutors. It remains to be seen whether I can salvage my overall degree classification (I'm at a Scottish uni where your degree is 50% 3rd year/50% 4th) but I'm not going to worry about that for now, I just want to savour this small victory. The biggest difference is I finally feel capable and am producing work I can be proud of. I can't tell you how great it feels.

0adhd

DAE get mad at things that they should be “over” : I often get these intense sporadic episodes of rage & frustration. I get frustrated at people who have hurt me in the past. These people aren’t really in my life anymore, but it feels like they contribute largely to my feelings of inadequacy. I have been disappointed by friends a lot and that has made me extremely reluctant to immerse myself in friendships. At the back of my head, I’m constantly reminded of how so many people hurt me. But I’m not sure if that “hurt” is valid or not, as I know bpd magnifies things. With that being said, the feelings are real. I wish I could let these people know just how much they hurt me and what they’ve done to me. I wish they’d apologize, I wish they’d understand how much they’ve contributed to the continuous deterioration of my mental health. I don’t know if that would change anything, I don’t even know how I’d make them aware. Another thing that upsets me is how these people get to move on and evolve and become better people, yet I am left to deal with the trauma they caused. I am left with so much pain because of them and they will never take accountability. This is all over the place as I am really frustrated and upset at the moment. I am in tears and I can’t express myself properly.

3bpd

I hate everyone : I can’t trust people. Anyone who’s nice to me (unless they’re a service worker) I immediately think they want to hurt me. Want me to drop my guard so they can hurt me. I used to try and make friends but anytime I did it was cause they wanted something or they just wanted to abuse me. Honestly, the world might be better off without me.

4depression

I feel destined to fail with ADHD. : I can't seem to complete any of the projects that I really want to complete. It could be something that I could normally do easily, like writing a script for a Youtube video, which is basically just writing an essay, but because it's something I care about I get scared, then my mind goes blank, and I get frustrated. I read that this might be because I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which is an intense aversion to failure or rejection. This seems to make sense to me; it definitely explains why I have an extreme fear of being rejected by women or being intimately involved (and I'm pretty good looking btw). I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not taking any medication because I'm not sure if I can afford it. I'm 19, in college and I feel like if I go out into the world that I'm destined to fail. I have to fight so hard just to actually do the things I want to do and I'm starting to lose faith in myself. I feel like I'm destined to be alone forever and never accomplish my goals.

0adhd

No sex drive unless I'm manic or hypomanic?? : Does anyone else rotate between having zero interest in sex (almost to the point of repulsion) and having an incredibly high sex drive? I'm super mega hypersexual when I'm manic/hypomanic and basically asexual otherwise. Feels like all the sex drive I should have when I'm depressed or euthymic has just been compiled into my manic states. And now that my meds are working pretty well, I'm never manic anymore. I don't think my sex drive used to be this low but it's not a common side effect of the medicine I'm on.

2bipolar

Did the Ottomans create/change family names in the Near East? : I'm wondering if the Ottomans changed the names of families in the Near East while registering them for their records, taxes, religion, etc. I'm particularly interested in the changes to Lebanese Christian families' names. There were a lot of changes to Christian family names when the Ottomans were in Lebanon to either occupational names, physical attributes, character traits (some very negative and derogatory). Of course, this could have been done by the locals or local councils themselves who didn't care much about their family names?

5none

Being ignored (triggers probably) : Being ignored seriously makes me want to kill myself. Pretty much like 'well if they can't be bothered listening/replying I shouldn't exist'. Worse when it's my partner.

3bpd

Talking too loud...or too quiet? : Have you ever been told you're yelling when you don't realize you are? Or after you're done talking you realize you were probably talking at a really high volume? Or...thinking you're talking at a normal volume only to be told you're mumbling? I've been told both this week.

0adhd

what are some things you didnt know about bipolar? : I'm just curious about what are some of the things you didnt know were because of bipolar disorder that was like an Ah Ha! Moment for you? For me I didnt know that my random periods of psychotically cleaning my house, reorganizing everything and even throwing away my things because new things = new life was actually mania. EDIT: thank you all so much for all of these responses! It's been amazing to see things I didny know how to articulate worded just right and to see others experiencing the same things as me. I feel much less scared and much more confident talking to my therapist about all of this now ❤❤❤

2bipolar

We spend our lives with a negative voice in our heads telling us we’re a piece of shit. : This week I have been singling out that voice and talking positively about myself to myself and I have to say. I’ve been for 3 runs. There is no better feeling then after exercise I don’t care who you are, what you’re excuse. You spend the whole week feeling like shit. Take control. You choose how you feel for that hour of exercise. Go and get your heart rate up and get rid of some of that adrenaline coursing through your veins. No medication no nothing. No excuses. Find something that tires you and do it. Try for a day talking positively about yourself. Instead of “this medication isn’t working I’m never getting better” Focus on 20 minutes ahead of you. Talk better to yourself. Learn to love yourself. The more you struggle against it the more of a problem it remains. What will be will. What is, is. Accept. Embrace and work with what you have. That is the way past anxiety.

1anxiety

Becoming extremely angry (rage) when someone asks me for simple help? : I’ve noticed a pattern of emotions and thoughts lately. I get extremely annoyed/irritated/angry/frustrated whenever someone expects me to do something for them like any request for help. Especially happens in my house with my family members where a lot of residual issues must still exist? I don’t want to help because it’s annoying and suffocating for me their expectations and that they can’t do it on their own and stop to think how stressed I feel these days and they can never help me in my time of need. I get extremely angry like almost rage because I don’t like the added responsibility and pressure and expectations from them no matter how small and I don’t think this is specifically something that happens in the borderline community though. I just feel slightly guilty for reacting this way when my family members have done and still continue to help me yet why am I so triggered when they ask me for simple help in return? Why can’t I be more understanding and helpful?

3bpd

My anxiety has only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I’m tired of questioning every little thing. I’d kill to have even a moment where I didn’t let my stupid brain overthink to the point I’m in a rabbit hole. : I can’t enjoy even a grocery outing without overthinking what I said to the cashier or even if people may or may not be staring at me. It’s exhausting, I’m so tired.

1anxiety

Anyone else experience vivid, panic-inducing nightmares? : I’m just looking for some others out there who’ve experienced this. I’ve been sleeping for only 3-4 hours a night and waking up with panic attacks because of how horrible my nightmares are. I’m working with my psych to figure this out, but man, it’s tough. Just started on klonopin on top of prazosin and lunesta for my snoozing meds.

2bipolar

Trouble repeating/relaying conversations with others : I don't really know if this is an adhd thing but I HATE HATE HATE having a conversation with someone and then having to repeat that conversation or paraphrase what happened to another person. Honestly, when someone asks me "what did he say??" and the answer isn't like one word, I feel like my whole body shuts off. I generally can stay in conversation okay, but when I'm asked to repeat that conversation or even give a general sense of what it was about, I really can't. Like I have the idea in my head of what happened, but I really can't express it into words. I was wondering if anyone else felt this way/knows why this happens.

0adhd

Simple/Short/Silly History Questions Saturday, March 26, 2022 : Welcome to our Simple/Short/Silly history questions Saturday thread! This thread is for all those history related questions that are too simple, short or a bit too silly to warrant their own post. So, do you have a question about history and have always been afraid to ask? Well, today is your lucky day. Ask away! Of course all our [regular rules and guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/history/wiki/index) still apply and to be just that bit extra clear: - Questions need to be historical in nature. - Silly does **not** mean that your question should be a joke. --- *r/history also has [a discord server](https://discord.gg/7XkFuez) where you can discuss history with other enthusiasts and experts*

5none

Who all here has a problem with the phone and mail now? : The mail gets put on a table where it isn't in my face until I feel I'm in a good enough place to go through it. Every ring of the phone gets to me. It's not a trigger, but I will say it definitely gives me a very, very serious startle. If I have to fill out paperwork, or I have to make a phone call for any type of business, it is such an extremely hard thing to do and there is generally a good attack or two that happens before I can finally tend to those things. I would never think of asking if anyone else is the same, because it just feels like more of a 'me' thing. But, my aunt who also struggles with PTSD feels the same exact way about all these things. In fact, I found out she also even has her mail put up and only goes through it one weekday a week. Is anyone else similar to us?

7ptsd

Don't Believe The Hype (School Shooting Post) : Seeing as the news/lawmakers/general media doesn't like to make it apparent I figure I should do my due diligence. PEOPLE WITH MENTAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL DISABILITIES ARE MUCH MUCH MORE LIKELY TO BE VICTIMS OF VIOLENT CRIME THAN BE PERPETRATORS. That is all. Stay safe out there

6ocd

I’m 32 male and have have debilitating anxiety my whole life. : This is just something I’ve wanted to get off my chest and maybe share a story that some people can relate too. I’ve lost friendships, countless jobs, opportunities because my anxiety disorder gets beyond debilitating. There’s days where I can’t get out of bed from adrenaline rushes and high blood pressure and racing thoughts and anxiety. There’s days where I’m fine and can go about my life but my anxiety disorder makes me hypersensitive to everything. I’ve managed to hold down the job I work at right now for 3 and a half years. It’s a great job and I love it but there’s times where I’m not able to go in and do the best of my ability. I found an amazing understanding partner who helps me with as much as she can but I know it can take a toll on her too. I’ve had countless trips to ER or had to take an ambulance because I feel like I’m dying. Issues with my blood pressure and heart rate, spiralling into panic attacks and adrenaline rushes. I’ve found some solace in meditation and breathing exercises but it only goes so far. I’m on countless medications to help, from anxiety drugs, beta blockers, even anti psychotics which I’ve recently gotten off because the side effects were too much. Now don’t get my wrong. There’s days and weeks we’re everything aligns and I’m not a horrible wreck but there’s not a single day I don’t live without some form of anxiety or racing thoughts. Today was one of those days where I stayed in bed on my day off and did absolutely nothing other than check my blood pressure 100+ times. It’s embarrassing to admit and it’s nice to get off my chest because no one outside of my small circle knows how much I suffer. I hide it well, too well. I hope you can take something from this but I’m sending out love to everyone who is suffering and struggling to make it through life. Just know you’re not alone. There’s resources out there. Unfortunately not where I am located because therapy is probably the best option for anyone struggling through this but I remain hopeful that one day I will not have to struggle. Sending love to you all. ❤️

1anxiety

How does a group of rebels coordinate and recruit? What are some detailed, firsthand accounts of the lead-up to a rebellion, insurrection, or mutiny? : Abstractly, I'm interested in the mechanics of political situations where: * there is a large group of people in a bad situation (soon-to-be-rebels being oppressed) * and there is an action that each person could, in principle, figure out all by themselves that they should do ("hmm, this sucks, maybe we should rebel or mutiny") * but it is hard to coordinate because it takes effort to convince someone to get on board, and it is dangerous to talk about the action ("this isn't important enough for me to risk my job or my life"; if the captain catches wind, there'll be hell to pay) Concretely, what do rebels or ringleaders say to other people to get them on board, without exposing themselves? How do they coordinate and establish trust? How do they shift the opinions of many people at scale, especially where it might take a lot of argument to convince someone? How do they get people to care enough to take big risks? I'm interested in both successes and failures, or things in between. Scholarly analyses that answer these questions would be great if they exist, but I also expect to learn from firsthand accounts.

5none

Just wanted to remind people, incase they haven't discovered, that "ambience" videos on YouTube are completely free and extremely helpful for anxiety. : They've helped me immensely, and can help you. If you search for things like 'brown noise', 'white noise', or 'pink noise' you'll get an idea of what they are...but if you want to spice things up you can search for things like rain, thunderstorms, fireplace. Right now I'm listening to a video called 'Windy Tall Grass With Distant Thunder', earlier I was listening to 'server room ambience'. Please try them out, there's hundreds of youtubers that put them together and they're fantastic.

1anxiety

Dave loses his Licence : There was this guy David, just turned eighteen, the last three months all he's been talking about is his birthday, about tonight, all his mates are coming along to the local, his mum's coming, his dad, his sisters and brothers, guys from school, guys from work, his girlfriend, her mum, her dad, it's going to be a big piss up and he's going to buy his first legal beer. There's just one problem, he can't find his ID. He goes downstairs and his mum is cleaning the house, she says, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! Thanks mum, he says, have you seen my ID? She says no, better ask your dad. So he goes into the garage and his dad is there working on the car, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID he says with a smile, want to help me change the battery on the car? No thanks dad, David says, I'm looking for my ID, have you seen it? His dad says no, did you leave it at work? David gets in his car and drives over to the office, even though it's a Saturday it's open, though he has to sign in. He goes into the little office and the man takes his details, name, David Smith, date of birth, fifth of December 2001, oh, happy birthday David. Where do you work, acounts, okay go on in. David looks around his office but can't find anything, on his way out he sees a friend of his. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! Says Paul, what you doing in the office mate? I can't find my ID for tonight David says. Have you asked your brother? You look alike maybe he tried to get served with it, isn't he seeing his mates today? David signs back out and gets back into his car and drives around town, he looks at the two pubs, the leaky faucet and the change of horses, he tries the off-licence, he tries the shopping centre, having to get out of his car and walk through. Then finally he tries McDonald's. Inside he sees his brother and his friends and he walks in. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! They all say. Haven't you got to get ready for your party? His brother asks. Yeah, but I can't find my ID. Well I don't have it, his brother says why would I? I thought you might want to use it for buying booze. Oh hey that's a good idea, can I borrow it when you find it? David goes home and gets changed, then heads over to the change of horses a little sad that he won't be able to buy a drink. As he walks into the pub he sees everyone, his mum, his dad, his brother and sister, his girlfriend and her family, all his mates, his boss, his colleagues and they all shout. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID! He says thanks to everyone and walks up to the bar, the barman smiles and says happy birthday, what can I get you David? David frowns and sighs, I think I've dropped my ID mate. The barman nods understandingly, ah I see, what can I get you Dav?

5none

Leg shaking.... : Anyone here constantly does the 'one leg shaking' thing while they are working as it helps them focus on the work they are doing. I do this just to focus on work...its sort of a distraction....like a fidget spinner....not because i am anxious as many assume. Should i continue doing the leg shaking or should i actively try to stop it. Will keeping my legs still make me work better? Looking forward to your opinions and experiences.

0adhd

I start a new job tomorrow. I’m alone in my apartment, and all I want to do is kill myself. : My breathing is getting faster and I’m trying so fucking hard to calm down but it feels like everything is crashing down around me. The shift is 6am-4pm and I can’t handle that, it’s too long, there’s no way for me to escape. It’s a position I know nothing about, I’m working with people who are likely older than me, and I already had really awkward interactions with them. I’m going to ruin all of my first impressions tomorrow because I’m in panic mode, and there’s so much fucking pressure caving in on me to do well, and I CANT HANDLE IT FUCK

1anxiety

Just a reminder: your feelings are valid : No. Matter. The. Topic. Your feelings are always valid and you have the right to be sad or hurt. People like to laugh, be condescending, be rude, pass judgment and have absolutely no idea nor care how they come across sometimes. Your feelings are still valid. You may get cussed at when you stand strong, that’s okay. You might get laughed at again when you try to stand up for yourself a second time, get degraded and told “how ridiculous you are lol”. That’s okay, your feelings are still valid. I hope you all remeber that no matter the topic, if it hurts you, you are allowed to voice your opinion and it is okay that that “ridiculous overreaction” is a part of your day. I hope you all stay strong and never stop standing up for yourself and what you feel is valid in your life. At the end of the day, those are your values and this is how you choose to live your life. I’m just grateful I’m the strong one and not the one on the giving end. I’m happy with how I stand up for myself.

7ptsd

How do people go to the gym, eat well, juggle multiple jobs, school, relationships, hobbies etc etc and are happy at the end of the day. : Where did I go so wrong. I can barely get myself to workout, the only thing I liked doing. It’s slipped from my fingertips. And I do nothing all day everyday. I could never be normal. I look at most people as if they’re superhuman. I can only wonder, where did I go so wrong.

4depression

a day with no compulsions : i can do this i’m going to go a whole day without compulsive behavior. no mental rumination, no repetitive behavior, just going to behave regularly. it’s going to be tough, but i can do this

6ocd

Fear of sexualizing the guy I’m seeing— feeling guilty for having dreams about him : (We’re both 19) I’ve had 2 sex dreams about the guy I’m seeing. One wasn’t sex specific, just kinda a replay of events. We had been making out in his car that day a lot. I still felt guilty though because I woke up in the morning feeling aroused by it Last night I had a dream in which he was naked. And it was a sex dream. I feel so much guilt, because again I woke up turned on. We’ve never had sex, and never seen each other naked. I feel horrible for sexualizing him in my head, but the thoughts just don’t go away. I feel evil almost When using my logical brain, I know that thoughts like this are normal. Him and I make out a lot and are pretty touchy with each other. And I haven’t seen him in two weeks so now my brain is trying to fill in the gaps. But the OCD/emotional brain calls me perverted. I feel a lot of guilt about my dream last night, because he’s never consented to me thinking of him like that Idk what to do. I wanted to discuss the idea of having sex anyways with him, and I’ll be seeing him this week. I wanna bring up my dream because I feel bad and I feel like hiding it is mean of me Idk

6ocd

feeling devastated from how lonely i am : feels like nobody gives a single fuck. my one friend isn’t answering me. i could crumble into ashes and nobody would notice. i am so empty i’ve just been lying in bed for hours losing my mind

3bpd

Psyching myself out and fearing I don’t have OCD? : Does this happen to anyone else? I get hung up on the fact that I might not have it, and I go into a mental battle of wether i’m lying to myself or not...

6ocd

I came here to find some squids. : For a long long time in my life I've considered myself a sick and failing fish. ​ Sometimes I excel. I get into hyper-focus both physically and mentally that I literally work for 17 hours straight, not eating and not resting, no exaggeration. On the eyes of the co-working fishes, I'm like a determined spirit, a respectable hallelujah boy to learn from. ​ Sometimes I'm ridiculous, I can't just get my ass off from the bed and do the easiest shit in the world, like returning something to Amazon center 3 minutes walking distance away from my small universe. On the eyes of some fishes, I'm a ridiculous failure who can't even attend the discussion section throughout semester. ​ I've hated this kind of imbalance so common in my life, with all my heart and soul. I folded all my legs down with excruciating pain, so that I could reveal my triangular body only. So that I look like a normal creature. ​ Then at age 24, doctor told me I'm actually a squid. For the past 3 years, I've continued to fold my legs down, and pretended to be a fish. I could not accept the fact that I'm a peculiar sea creature. ​ After 27 years of pretending, I found myself truly destroyed. No matter how much my family loved me, they couldn't understand the mechanism under my (both successful/failing) behaviors. ​ Why? Because a fish doesn't have legs like I do. Because I do not have scales like they do. I'm loved, but different thus lonely. ​ So I came here to find some squids. Not that I decided to hate the fishes around me, but I need some squids to share the things that a fish would never ever understand. ​ Hope my English makes sense.

0adhd

Adult ADHD doesn’t exist... wow : That’s what the psychologist said that was testing me. It goes away in adulthood for the most part. So the diagnosis was largely biased the from the start? I give up. It took me years and lots of courage for me to seek a diagnosis out. If I’m not adhd fine, but at least give an unbiased very valid process for diagnosis.

0adhd

just need to live in my daydreams tbh (fp) : Just a short vent: I miss my fp sm… I wish I had never went out that night or had done anything that had ruined us… Idek what I did wrong tbh…. I think I’m worth fighting for….! At least in my daydreams he pursues me. He fights for me and treats me like a princess. He makes me laugh and smile… we actually go to Disneyworld and spend nights together…. He and I have photo competitions…. He and I actually like each other…. I hate being bpd lol…. I hate being me. I wanna just run away so bad. Nobody wants me

3bpd

Health Anxiety : How does one stop obsessing over health concerns?? It all started when I realized I was shedding an abnormal amount of hair.. I told myself it was from the hard well water I’ve been washing with but then I started to obsess over it. Counting all the hairs that would come out when I showered or brushed my hair, running my fingers through it and watching it come out 🥴 if that wasn’t bad enough I started to develop some really questionable menstrual symptoms that freaked me out quite a bit and then my tongue started to turn red and develop a ton of ridges. At this point I’ve just let my brain decide I have nutrient deficiencies, hormone imbalances, some serious medical condition or that I’m straight up just dying. I have a dr. appointment booked but the earliest they could get me in for blood work is 3 weeks from now which feels like FOREVER. Even the last two days alone I’m totally over analyzing every single little thing my body is doing but it seems like I keep developing more and more weird symptoms? Today I am nauseous and dizzy I am contemplating going to emerg just so they can give me some type of blood work to have peace of mind. Everyone around me is so sick of hearing about how I don’t feel well 24/7 but I can’t help it. It could all be in my head and my anxiety is just escalating things but I truly just feel like something is wrong and it’s creating a sense of dread over me like I can’t enjoy anything cause I’m just stressing about my health all day long. How am I supposed to wait 3 weeks to talk to someone 😣 anyone have any advice to battle health anxiety?!?

1anxiety

What are some examples of egregious betrayals of alliances throughout history and how did they happen? : The title pretty much. I’ve been playing total war and betraying my allies a little bit by attacking them and canceling my alliance. What are some historical examples of a surprise invasion or a total backstabbing of one nation against another that have happened?

5none

usps fucked me and i’m past the point of being able to handle small obstacles : i don’t even have the energy to fully provide context at this point but usps has suddenly decided, of their own accord, that i am now an unknown addressee at the location they’ve been delivering packages to with no problem for almost a year now. i live LITERALLY next door to the post office not even in some weird spot. it started a few days ago and now my 3 month prescription that i’ve been out of and waiting on for a week is being returned to sender which will also cause problems with my insurance, so i guess it’s a sign from the universe to stop trying to let the pills make me happy. a gun is probably the most realistic option for me at this point.

4depression

Diagnosed with ADHD last week. However my brother doesn't believe me and my therapist think that my struggles are due to smoking weed, and I am starting to doubt my diagnosis. : **EDIT: Thank you so much for all those who took the time to reply to this, it really means a lot and honestly this sub is fucking amazing, thank god for Reddit. Just to be clear, I have stopped smoking, currently on week 3/4. I have previously stopped before with the longest streak of 6 months, even then, I did not have my shit together what so ever. The only thing I noticed was that I wasn't so moody due to withdrawls.** Hi everyone! Just want to thank you in advance to those who have taken the time to even read this, it might be quite long. I am a 23 y/o Asian female and I was diagnosed last week. At first I felt absolutely liberated, and for the first time in my life, I actually am so excited about the future and hopefully I can finally achieve the things that I have always wanted to! I felt like I had the symptoms when I was younger, but due to being female, and also being of Asian decent where mental health is a taboo subject in our culture, I was left undiagnosed, even though my parents saw me struggling. I am now 5 years out of high school, dropped out of university 3 times, 3 different subjects, been stuck working at a basic job in a call centre for a pizzeria chain. I tried moving out but I only lasted 8 months, so I moved back in with my parents. I have tried multiple times to get a better job. My life had started going down hill as the years have gone on since leaving school. I USED to be very popular and social, chatting to everyone and always had something to say, now as the years have gone by, I have become even more withdrawn due to depression and anxiety. I have been fired from another hospitality job because I would never show up on time, and I wasn't picking things up quickly enough. Now my problem is I have told my brother and my therapist that I was diagnosed. My brother 100% doesn't believe that I have it and thinks that I am just lazy. I told him that I am always unable to achieve my goals and he replied back saying "like what goals????". To be fair, I stopped telling my family about any ideas or goals that I had because I was always failing to meet them, and I didn't want to further embarrass my self even more when they would ask me how I am doing to reach that certain goal, so I guess I understand why he said that. Also now, I spend a majority of my time on my playstation, and having only working part time for a majority of the past year, so I am starting to think that I am just on a whole other level of laziness. My therapist said to me word for word "by looking at you I don't think you have ADHD" and thinks my struggles are caused by smoking too much weed. And I will admit, I know that smoking daily for 5 years on and off would definitely kill a lot of motivation, but when I was fired from working at that restaurant, I was dead sober for at least 6 months, with only smoking possible 3 times at most. All the times I started university I wasn't smoking. The struggles I had at high school, I wasn't smoking. So I guess I just want to know if anyone has been in a similar issue where they were a stoner and then diagnosed with ADHD? I was completely honest with my psychiatrist regarding my drug use however, with having my brother dismiss me as lazy, and my therapist that I have known for around 2 years thinking that I don't have ADHD, and only talked to that psychiatrist for 1 hour, I am starting to doubt my diagnosis and feeling even more alone. I feel like both think I am using this as an excuse to be lazy, to be living off my parents. In all honesty, I hate myself so much for being such a failure. Again, a BIG thank you to those who have made it to this point in this post, as it is a massive rant and all over the place! TD;LR Was diagnosed by psychiatrist who specialises in adult ADHD, however, brother just thinks I am super lazy, and my therapist thinks it is because of smoking too much weed. Anyone in similar situation? EDIT: Deleted a whole lot of unnecessary shit that I did not need to talk about, lol

0adhd

We are experts from the NASA History Program Office and the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum and it’s the 60th anniversary of Americans in Space. Ask us anything! : We are experts from the NASA History Program Office and the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum and it’s the 60th anniversary of Americans in Space. Ask us anything! On May 5, 1961 at 9:34 am, after a nearly 3-hour delay, the 82-foot-tall Mercury-Redstone 3 rocket lifted off the launch pad, carrying the Freedom 7 capsule into space. Millions sat breathless in front of their television sets, watching as astronaut Alan Shepard became the first American in space. That 15-minute and 22-second suborbital flight was just the beginning. In the 60 years since our first crewed flight, NASA has landed a man on the Moon, made hundreds of spacewalks, and fostered international collaboration with 15 countries to build the International Space Station. What questions do you have about the history of human spaceflight? Participants include: * **Brian Odom**, Acting NASA Chief Historian * **Bill Barry**, Former NASA Chief Historian * **Teasel Muir-Harmony**, Curator of the Apollo Spacecraft Collection at the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum * **Margaret Weitekamp**, Curator and Department Chair of the Space History Department at the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum We love talking about the history of human spaceflight and we are so excited to answer your questions! Proof: [https://twitter.com/NASAhistory/status/1389324135378128898](https://twitter.com/NASAhistory/status/1389324135378128898) UPDATE: That's a wrap! Thank you for all your questions! For more NASA history, visit www.history.nasa.gov and check out www.airandspace.si.edu.

5none

The best advice I recieved for dealing with anxious thoughts : Ask yourself, "am I ruminating?" when thinking of the past. Ask yourself, "am I catastrophizing?" when thinking of a current situation/the future. Also, when changing the way you think, do NOT analyze your thoughts. Do not ask "why did I just think that?". If you can think of a flying pink elephant, then that proves your thoughts are b.s. Simply correct yourself and bring yourself back to the moment. When in a stressful situation and your thoughts are racing, pick an object and describe it. The colour, shape, texture. Fill your mind with that object, or repeat a positive sentence/word over and over. Your thoughts are like ocean waves; sometimes they crash, sometimes they recede. Nothing is permanent. edit: spelling, flair, and thanks for the reward!

1anxiety

What are your flashbacks ACTUALLY like? : You know how it is in the movies, but what do your flashbacks actually look like? And how often do you get them? I'd love to hear others' experiences.

7ptsd

No Memes Rule : I personally relate to the memes as it helps me from thinking that my feelings and thoughts don't matter, and instead of that, I have a community of people that understand the hardships of bipolar disorder and the light-heartedness that a meme can bring. Like this post, if you want to keep posting memes on this subreddit.

2bipolar

Which war do you find more interesting: WWI or WWII? : I was watching Wonder Woman with a friend a couple weeks back at the movie theater and I had to explain to him that the war that took place during the movie's setting was World War I and not World War II (with the German planes and the term "The Great War" being used). I was then talking to my mother about both the wars just last night. I was just curious to know which war other people find more interesting. Personally, I find WWII more interesting. But I also find WWI very fascinating with the new technologies that were starting to be used in warfare.

5none

Tattoo therapy : Does anyone else feel like getting tattoos helps with their mental health? I got three new tattoos last Wednesday and have had the most mentally stable week in months. One of my tattoos is on my sternum and it is by far the most painful one ive ever had. As I was getting it done I felt as if all the pain in my body was being drawn towards the tattoo needle and sucked out of me. Since, I have felt so great that im on one of those “im fine there nothing wrong with me” type of highs. God, I wish it would last forever, but I know it wont. Anyone else get this emotional relief from tattoos?

3bpd

parents won't let me see a Psychiatrist : (Sorry this might be long.) My whole life I have been told that I was "a worrier"- by my teachers, friends and family. I worry about things that I know I shouldn't worry about but I can't help it. For years (and still now) I would try to sleep and I wouldn't be able to because I would focus on my breathing and feel like if I didn't focus on it I would just stop, and would spend the whole night panicking and trying to breathe- and its so difficult to breathe when that happens. Even though I know that this is completely stupid and illogical since breathing happens involuntarily it still happens. And I'll even worry during the day that I won't be able to sleep at night because of this making me more scared to go to sleep. Every day I am exauhsted. I am having constant headaches (i thought it was dehydration but turns out its not) and my whole body just feels tense and sore. I will check every door in my house to see if it is locked multiple times in a row and when I leave to go to school and am on my way walking to the subway I will turn around and go back home again to check if the door is really locked. I will literally cry at any given moment and anything will reduce me to tears. I can be downstairs brushing my teeth and my brother will walk in and for some reason it will scare me and I will feel like I have to cry. I know this is stupid but I can't help it. I am constantly pulling and twirling around my hair and my friends make fun of me for it and my parents scream about it telling me its weird and to not do that in public but I don't even realize Im doing it. I hate everything about my self and the way I act and I have thoughts about dying and not go out to social events for a few months but the next week I will feel beautiful and love my life and want to go out and party. Everything irritates me. Now here's the stuff about my parents. I get really good grades in school and I have a job and I play piano (because my parents have made since I was 8-I'm currently 17 btw). I really hate sports (my parents used to force me to do track and field and cross country when I was younger and for weeks even months before I would worry nonstop about my races to the point that I tried to quit and when I actually would my parents would make me go back the next day and rejoin) and my parents constantly scream at me and get mad at me since I don't participate in any school sports. They also are mad since I'm not in any school clubs but nothing interests me (I'm not trying to be rude it really does) and I'm too scared to join. My parents say I'm lazy and don't do anything that helps anyone else and only care about myself- they say I only go to work because it benefits me but they have been nagging at me to get a job as long as I could remember (even when I was not legally allowed to work)....but once I got a job when I was 16 they didn't care and said all I cared about was money. They are very strict on me but not on my brother who doesn't give a shit about anything (fails his classes because he doesn't try) but plays sports. when I tell my parents about the fact that I can't sleep and that I always feel really scared and nervous they simply tell me to "close my eyes and fall asleep" and to " just calm down." Amazing advice! I recently told them (it was so hard for me to do this) that I would like to see a psychiatrist because all of these things have been happening to me for years (and they are aware!) and my mother SCREAMED at me telling me that I was being ridiculous and that I just worried for no reason all the time (yes mother that's the problem) and that I just wanted an excuse to be lazy and for people to feel bad for me. She said it was an excuse for me to cover up my "bad and irrational behaviour." She said nobody can help me and that it's my own problem to deal with myself. She said "everyone gets anxious you just don't know how to control and handle yourself and you think people will feel bad for you and help you because you're too lazy to fix yourself" and that she isnt going to waste her money. then my parents finished it all off by telling me to apologize to them?

1anxiety

Jobs for history majors that aren't well known? : I'm looking for positions other than the typical things like working at a museum or teaching. This is with a bachelors in history. The Country where these jobs are located doesn't matter. Thanks in advance

5none

DAE have ptsd from watching someone else go through a trauma? : (TW: car accident, blood) In 2014 my wife was dropping me off at work and heading out of the parking lot. It was a two lane and a trash truck was turning left so she went to go while a mack truck was speeding and tboned her. My wife was asking the truck driver for me so the poor man had to come into my work place and explain what happened. I was the second person on scene and there before any police or anything arrived. Blood was everywhere and I was trying to calm her down when the paramedics arrived, the had to use the jaws of life on our car to get her out and I rode in the ambulance with her to the hospital. Once there they realized how badly her window scalped her and quickly had to cauterize her to stop the bleeding, but had to do so without painkillers. Guys, I can still hear my wife's screams. Begging and pleading to just let the doctors kill her. She ended up breaking her c1 and c2, her shoulder and dislocating her hip BUT she can fucking walk. They have no idea how but she can. Sometimes, okay most times, I feel so silly for having ptsd for this when I didn't directly go through this trauma. I have ptsd from sexual assault as well but I obviously went through that directly. I hate even talking about it especially to my wife who obviously experienced it way worse. Granted, she's never done anything to make my ptsd feel less valid and I can openly talk to her about it but I know it causes her problems too so it feels selfish.

7ptsd

How do I cope with body memories? They’re taking over my life : TW: SA, (and body memory description? Not sure what else to call it) I’m in therapy, I’ve been taught grounding skills, I practice them when I’m not triggered, etc etc and I’ve made a ton of progress, but nothing I do can help ground me when the body memories start creeping in. I’m too embarrassed and ashamed to even tell my therapist because I feel so gross, but I just feel like I’m being penetrated again and it just completely takes over. (I’ve explained to my therapist that I “feel it on my body” but never explained any more.) Does anyone have any tips, advice, other grounding skills that I might not have heard of, or words of encouragement? Also 4 letter R-word for what happened to me is a huge trigger so please don’t use it :/ thank you!

7ptsd

Which is the oldest day to day lifestyle that we know of? : I was wondering because in the future historians will have a lot of material to know how it was to live in the 21 century through all of our media, but the same cannot be said for the past unless you are talking about famous people, ie. How it was to live like a Roman common teenager? What were your goals? Your thoughts about the world? What were your fears? What I'm trying to say is if there its any text written first hand by those who lived in that world that can transport you in the same way modern novels and books do? If yes which is the oldest one? Edit. Grammar

5none

Food binges and lack of motivation after a tinder girl told me "people with BPD are seriously The Worst". : The past few weeks have been pretty good for me. I exercised every day and ate healthy food the whole time. I felt confident and decided to hit up the dating apps. I met a girl on tinder and we went out to dinner. It was a good time. The next day she asked if I wanted to hang out and I said "part of me wants to be social and hang out with you, but part of me just feels like staying in tonight. I'm weird." We talked a little more and I mentioned that I have BPD. She said, "Are you serious about that? Because borderline people are seriously The Worst. It's a ton of mind games and I don't want that." We wrapped up the conversation and haven't texted since. Since then, I've just felt like a giant piece of shit. I haven't exercised, I've eaten huge, unhealthy meals, and I haven't been social at all. I feel like crying but I have nobody I feel comfortable crying to. I just wish I could feel normal and confident. Everyone thinks I'm this happy guy who's got it all together, but I'm the exact opposite. I think about suicide a lot. Not seriously considering it, but the thought of, "What if you just killed yourself?" keeps going through my mind. I've got important stuff coming up, and I'm sure when that starts, I'll feel normal again, but right now all I want to do is crawl into a hole and eat ice cream with cereal on top of it.

3bpd

The medication actually works! : I was diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD late in life (21) and was told by my psychiatrist that I can take it daily or just when needed. For the last couple of years I just took it as needed, almost always taking breaks on the weekend. I recently started taking it daily to see how I would react and I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this in my life. I have been so calm and have had hardly any emotional dysregulation since doing so. I’ve been a lot more productive and have been much more aware of how I am behaving. I also now remember and can push myself to brush my teeth which has been a struggle for me for a long time. I just feel so good emotionally, I love the feeling of being balanced!! I guess I posted this for others out there who maybe ever thought about doing this and to see if anyone else has experienced this? Thanks for listening!

0adhd

Assessment after 7 years of condescending mental health professionals : I might be jumping the gun, but I'm so excited right now. I had a notion that I might have adhd when I was 19 and went to the doctor, who said I would be referred for assessment but nothing would come of it and I should "learn to accept my flaws", then to the psychiatrist who said I probably didn't have it because i did well in school as a child, but he'd refer to me to CBT as per my asking for it, and send me for some tests to rule out anything organic. So the neurologist I met said I probably dont have it, why do I need a diagnosis anyways? Most people with adhd learn to cope, why haven't you? My doctor also forgot to send the cbt referral and I ended up with another psychiatric referral with someone who within about 20 minutes decided I have a personality disorder, that I'm confused because, as she said, my parents aren't together, because of my sexuality, religion and education, and all kinds of other damaging tropes. So she sent me for psychotherapy, my psychotherapist confirmed that I *don't* have a personality disorder but might benefit from psychotherapy and I ended up with someone who was nice, but largely useless and unfocussed. BUT I moved back home recently, switched GPs to a really wonderful person and had a psychiatric assessment a couple of days ago with someone who listened to me and said, while she only thinks I *might* have it, she sees where I'm coming from, hasnt been remotely condescending and its such a massive relief. I'm getting more assessment stuff and forms later but I keep crying at how it's taken 7 years to get to this point.

0adhd

I've been starting to get a little manic the last few days so I channeled the energy into redoing my bathroom. OC : Yeah, it's been a bit weird. My psych and I are lowering my quetiapine in the hopes to get off it entirely because frankly, I'm suffocating under it. I knew I'd be signing up for some discomfort through this process; the balancing act is keeping it in the green and not tanking into someplace scary. The last four years have been a never-ending brutality of symptoms so I'm intimately aware of mundane bipolar can slide into scary dangerous bipolar. At the same time, the side effects from my meds have absolutely take a toll on my body and I really need a change. Anyway, here's my toilet.

2bipolar

Those problems are in China... : This is how I explained my time blindness to my partner recently. We were talking about money and various upcoming bills. He wanted to make a larger payment on one of the credit cards and I said sure no problem. Then he said that it wasn’t due until next month and started laying out this plan of pulling money from two different paychecks and moving it to another account annnnddd I was spaced on that conversation. Finally I got a little snappish because I knew for damn sure that I was t going to remember to do all of that on those days sometime next month so I just shouted “CHINA!”. Then he yelled “DENMARK!” and he started laughing and asked what game we were playing. I also started laughing and finally explained that the way he was talking about that bill made my brain think “oh, that problem’s in China, it’s a million miles away. No need to worry about it anytime soon.” **In order for me to *actually handle* the problem we needed to move it from China into our living room.** In this case, that meant me just transferring him the money right then and there, even though it made me temporarily tight, so that I didn’t have to worry about it later. tl;dr Explained time blindness in terms of physical distance rather than “I just won’t remember”

0adhd

George Washington not as celebrated anymore : George Washington is probably one of my favorite American heroes. General during the Revolutionary war, presided over the creation of the constitution, and became the First President (Only unanimous). He became abolitionist later in life, freeing his slaves in his death, and put down a group of officers that would have made him King, and the population probably would have gone with it. He was hugely celebrated until roughly the late 1800’s/early 1900’s. Why is that?

5none

My first YouTube video! : I'm starting a YouTube channel! My first video will be a poor edit of my weird opinions on Japanese mushrooms supposedly giving you diarrhea. "Shit takes of shit takes on Shiitake shit aches"

5none

A little story from WWII : A Russian patrol was going through the woods of Finland when they were wiped out, one by one, by a sniper hidden in the deep firs, who killed the lot, but for one man. "One Finn is better than ten Russians!" He was taunted as he ran away. He returned to his base, and the platoon commander sent out the platoon to find the Finnish sniper, and once again they got picked off, except for one very scared private. "One Finn is better than fifty Russians!" The man said he heard as he retreated. Angry, the Company commander sent his entire company to dig out this pesky sniper, and you guessed it, they were all killed, except for one guy. "One Finn is better than two hundred Russians!" He heard from the woods, as he was trying to get away. He returned to the Division HQ, where they were preparing the entire Division to go into the woods, over 2000 men and their tanks and artillery all lined up ready for the order. He dragged himself into the commanders tent, and pulled himself up to a salute. "Sir, it's a trap... there's two of them!" Edit- This is an old joke, and I was telling it from memory. I added a few parts because of comments with those details. Enjoy!

5none

" You don't need free time " : Our teacher told us this shit while giving a fuckton of homework today. Ya, I don't need free time.. guess I'll just waste my youth studying useless shit I'll probably never need for my future. After all that's what I'm supposed to do, right.. just study all the time and be a productive member of society so I can get good grades that give me no satisfaction. I'm a worthless piece of shit with no purpose but to follow orders until I fucking decay.

4depression

“You are not your thoughts” clarification : Hi all, this has been said to me by professionals but I’ve also seen it on here as well. I just wanted to know the communities thoughts because I think some of my OCD tendencies is fixed on identity (like some types seem to to be I’ve noticed). Thoughts not “being me” is confusing to me, I still find it comfortable and helpful, but I don’t think I understand it fundamentally. I even try to think of it through the lense of mindfulness, how it can be suggested that to find relaxation one must “let go of the thoughts” or “let them run their course”. So, when people say you aren’t your thoughts, I can see how thoughts can be just a byproduct of the brain, but don’t necessarily inform of the nature of the brain (or yourself/beliefs/personality/etc.). Am I getting at it correctly? Does anybody else have a more simple, concrete view or explanation? I am often met with people who don’t have OCD saying to just think of something else or ignore them, but I feel like it may be hard for us because the thoughts feels as though they come from within, rather than just being produced because that’s what brains do (which I think people without OCD have an easier time separating themselves from the things that they happen to think about), and this can lead to turmoil and spiraling. If thoughts just feel random, they feel less like you. But when they are relentless and distressing, even if you fundamentally or logically understand they don’t reflect you, I feel like OCD can be parasitic in that it leeches the compartmentalizing energy and replaces with fear and obsession. It feeds on the anxiety like a positive Feedback loop, more thoughts cause more fear and therefore less fortitude in one’s identity to dismiss the thoughts as just thoughts. I wonder if what I’m getting at is clear, and I’m super curious to see what you all’s take on this is.

6ocd

I feel like…exiting : I’m a 23F and I’ve been struggling a lot. I have a 3.5year old kid and I feel like they’re the only reason I’m alive. But even still- I struggle when I look at them because I don’t feel like I’m enough. I wanted to be so much more in this life but I’m afraid I’m not gonna be able to achieve my dreams. I wanted to sing and be a content creator but now I feel like I’ll never be able to…My family is not very supportive though they claim they are- they pass judgement on a lot. Im never doing enough. I feel so alone…I’ve had loads of childhood trauma including sa and verbal/physical abuse…and I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m tired and I feel like there’s so many other people who want to be parents and can be good parents- better than me. Because my child deserves so much more than me- a failure in almost every aspect. I feel so alone.

4depression

today i graduated from nursing school : after 4 years of anxiety for every single exams and internship, surrounded by, unfortunatly, a toxic person, a classmate, who has ruined this 4 university years, that has giving me more anxiety and panick attack over bad behaviour this person had towards me....i FINALLY WIN and let me say i’m so proud of myself for not let myself down and let my anxiety wins or that sick person!! thanks for reading this

1anxiety

I had Coffee Three Days Ago : Backstory: I drink coffee way too fast and the massive dump of caffeine all at once gives me hypomanic/manic symptoms. Because of this, I drink decaf coffee since I like the flavor. I forgot to order decaf on my macchiato. I cleaned everything on my end of the house (bathroom, bedroom, closet and rearranged altar) that night, started two paintings yesterday (I haven't painted in weeks) and today it feels like my heart is beating on the outside of my chest. I just got today's meds down, which I know is contributing to the anxious feelings since it's almost 3 pm. I'm energetic enough I want to venture out to find my glue gun in storage and get things to make minifigures and I'm so anxious I can't even get dressed to go turn in library materials due today. I'll be okay, I know that. I wanted to post here to get it off my chest before I decided to post to Facebook and get my mom called. Thanks for listening.

2bipolar

How did humans perceive apes prior to the theory of evolution? : With how similar apes are to humans, how did people view apes throughout history? Did they think 'These creatures kind of look and act like hairy humans, what a coincidence!' or did they suspect some sort of link between the two? Were there any interesting cultural traditions regarding apes?

5none

My thoughts on this, #WorldBipolarDay : I am a warrior. Routinely knocked down, starting over has become the norm. I am a survivor. Vast amounts of time spent utterly hopeless, I remain resolute until light eventually appears over the horizon. I am human. I, like you, want to be loved and respected. 💪🏼

2bipolar

today was my first day at my new job : It went so, so well! I was expected to be training off-site for a week, and by the end of today, I was told I could begin officially working TOMORROW on-site. I took to the position easily as AP and AR are my specialties. I love numbers and patterns. I am so excited to be doing something I know I'm good at, with minimal contact with the public. Yay!

2bipolar

imma start a survival/nature appreciation YouTube channel to combat my PTSD : Lotta stuff left me messed up man, I'm the guy that's a doomsday prepper just cause of everything I experienced as a kid, but one thing is in nature I feel free, I used to run away and live in the forest or desert for days weeks and at one time almost a year. Even if I never heal I feel at peace in nature and maybe if I start a channel I'll inspire people to take care of mother nature maybe also have them going into her embrace

7ptsd

Let’s talk about pimple popping (CW: self-harm) : It’s taken over my life. To the extent that I have begun to reframe it as self-harm. I completely dissociate, obsess over flaws in my skin, and try to remove each one. I cause little bursts of pain and then get to see the ugly result. But sometimes i actually get a pimple or blackhead, and I feel ecstatic, but immediately crave more. Then I try to recreate it over and over again, until my skin is bright red. Then I have marks for days. It’s been this way through quarantine. I had a hormonal acne breakout after I got sober from weed which made it so much worse. I have a sticker on the mirror where I pick to remind me not to dissociate, which worked for maybe one day. Sometimes I get so obsessive I have to literally say “stop” out loud. I repeat “stop” over and over again but keep going. Just one more!!! Some days I put on makeup and that prevents me from picking during the day, and I find my skin is much better the next morning. But I rarely actually feel like doing makeup, it’s so much bother. I’m living at home for the next month to avoid traveling between holidays and knowing that if I put on full face my parents will say something makes me even less likely to do that. (And of course, when I stop picking my skin, I often switch to my scalp.) DAE? **Edit:** thank you guys so much for your responses. I feel less alone and now that I’m able to confidently frame this as a BPD symptom, I can think about it just like my substance abuse and sex addiction: a compulsive behavior that allows me to cope with my illness. Ive added picking to my “Sober Time” app to keep myself honest about removing this behavior from my life (and enjoy the satisfaction of racking up days). For the first time in months, I feel hopeful about my skin. Shout out to DBT for making me feel secure in my other skills!

3bpd

Found in my piano bench: a transcript of a three-page analysis of the lyrics to Don McLean's hit song "American Pie" from 1972 : https://imgur.com/a/y87ri I did a little research on this when I found it. It was originally written by a Chicago DJ Bob Dearborn who was blown away by its reception and the public's response. My copy looks to have been republished by a defunct Sacramento Rock radio station (where I'm originally from). theres a stamp on the last page from a Men and Boys' store but I couldn't find any information on it. Hope you enjoy, I love that song and found it to be an interesting read!

5none

Accidentally triggered myself : Ahhhh, came on here because my OCD has been worse than it has been in a while. 100% aware of the fact that it could make it worse but risking it because it’s driving me crazy and I just wanted to read about other peoples experiences and what not. Anyway, was just scrolling through and saw a post that isn’t even really related to the thought but for some reason reminded me of it and now I’m scared to get off my phone and go to sleep because it’s just awful and I don’t want it to keep me up and freak me out. Faaarrrrrk me

6ocd

We're Boak & Bailey and we write about the history of British beer and the English pub. Ask us anything! : We've been [blogging about beer since 2007](https://boakandbailey.com) and have written two books, *Brew Britannia: the strange rebirth of British beer* (2014) and *20th Century Pub: from beerhouse to booze bunker* (2017). We're especially interested in the rise of real ale and craft beer culture in the UK, and in the kinds of pubs that usually get overlooked by historians -- post-war estate pubs, theme pubs, chains, and so on. As us anything about British beer and English pubs in the 20th century.

5none

Why Don’t we hear more about air combat on the Eastern Front? : In WWII history we hear a lot about air combat in the Pacific and in the Western Front, but air combat in the eastern front, at least to me, seems to not really be talked about at all. Is there a reason for this? We hear about stukas divebombing Soviet cities, but that’s about it. What were the soviets air tactics like? Their bombing tactics? Maybe I’m just not looking hard enough. If anyone knows more about this topic, it would be greatly appreciated!

5none

I’m Depressed because my mother : My mum hits me when I don’t go to school I know I sound like a little shit but I don’t drink or smoke I don’t stay out at late times I just don’t go to school and my mum keeps making up reasons for this, she was gonna move me school and go to my friends door cause she thinks I am getting bullied I really hate it I told her she makes me depressed and then she turned it around on herself saying I don’t go to school and she’s the depressed one, I don’t feel suicidal or anything just sad all the time and I just feel really down and even my friends mum noticed I was sad, what should I do?

4depression

What was the general consensus on German Unification in 1871 in countries across the globe? : As the title says, I’m wondering what countries across the globe thought of the unification of the German states under the Prussian monarchy. Did they like this change? Did they see the new German Empire as a threat even way before WW1? Answers would be really appreciated, and sorry if this is a stupid question or whatever.

5none

Discriminated by doctors after receiving BPD diagnosis : I'd like to apologise in advance if this is a bit confusing to read as I'm writing this in a hurry (bc I'm sure that if I leave this for tomorrow I'll never do it) and pretty late in the night. This is something I've been worried about for the longest time and has been one of the reasons I've been too scared of getting diagnosed. **Has anyone felt like they've been discriminated by a medical professional after getting diagnosed with BPD or another mental illness? Is this a common issue and something I should think about before seeking help? Is getting a diagnosis the only way to get better?** Basically I've read and heard about doctors not believing or trusting patients with bipolar disorder (or depression or other mental illnesses) when they are seeking help for an illness they have or symptoms they experience. As a woman doctors are already more likely to dismiss my claims compared to men (there are studies about this) and I'd honestly rather not increase the likelihood of doctors basically ignoring me and denying me of any medical care. I don't remember where specifically I read about this issue back then but here's another article about it: [https://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/11/opinion/sunday/when-doctors-discriminate.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/11/opinion/sunday/when-doctors-discriminate.html) I've suffered with mental illness as long as I can remember but my parents never allowed me to seek help for it and obviously successfully frightened me with all their stories about doctors never trusting you again, never being able to find a job, always be branded with the diagnosis and it being really hard to get rid of in the event you are misdiagnosed, etcetc. **I'd really appreciate any experiences or thoughts you may have about this!!** I've felt so alone first with my mental illness and then with the fear of getting help for it :( Also, I'd like to thank you all for being part of this really amazing and supportive community. Finding this sub and about BPD has been relieving and I've never felt so understood in my entire life. Thank you <3 ​ ​ ​

3bpd

Free online cognitive behavioral therapy resources? : A while back someone posted a link to a site that asks you a series of questions similar to a CBT session, but I haven't been able to find the post. I know it's not a substitute for actual therapy, but it seems like it could still be helpful. I'd be interested in checking out any similar resources that anyone knows about!

1anxiety

Get anxious when someone has success : Basically everytime someone succeeds at something or has reached some kind of milestone, I get this incredible fear that I may never achieve that. It could be anything. Getting a job, new girlfriend, getting married, even just passing a simple test. It makes me reflect on my life and makes me realize I haven't achieved anything. I'm jobless at 24 with no degree. I dropped out of college after a few years and now I'm working at my parents shop. I feel like I'll never get ahead and then I get this intense fear of the future. The worst thing is I can't even appreciate the success of my best friends. It just makes me nervous. Does anybody have advice for me?

1anxiety

What having BPD and being in a relationship is like : You know when your partner cheats and you and you decide to reconcile, you always have that nagging fear inside of you that they’re going to do it again? That every time they’re not with you, they might be cheating on you again? That every time they’re slightly late coming home from work they’re cheating on you? Just that continuous distrust in them no matter how hard they try to prove their trust? That’s what it feels like having BPD and being in a relationship. Even if the other person has given you absolutely no reason to not trust them, you question their every action. And it feels horrible. I don’t know how to get rid of this feeling.

3bpd

Anyone else with Swiss cheese memory forgetting positive memories? : I sometimes get really strong flashbacks of things that happened in my past or memories that weren't very positive, that I can understand why my brain blocked that out. But sometimes I remember a memory and it comes in just as powerfully as a flashback yet it's not a negative memory in any way, so why did my brain block it out? Is this common for others, or maybe am I only remembering the positives of this certain memory? I'm on mobile so sorry for the formatting. EDIT: No I don't remember most of my childhood at all, only the last 4 or so years (still lots of holes in my memory during then too) I'm just used to only getting flashbacks of negative memories, not positive ones. I was wondering if this was something that happened with others who experience this as well. I'm not confused on what "Swiss cheese memory" is, just the positive flashbacks.

7ptsd

Unexpected exposure therapy: I woke up to my worst nightmare (trigger- aquaphobia) : Hi everyone! I'm new here. This community seems incredibly supportive and comforting, which is what I need right now. I really need to talk about what happened. This post may end up long, and if you take the time to read it, I sincerely thank you. TL;DR at bottom. A little background on me, I guess. I have struggled with mental health issues since childhood. While I was never diagnosed until high school (anorexia, OCD, depression, anxiety), looking back I can think of several clues to my underlying anxiety. My greatest phobia is emetophobia, which has its own sub so I won't talk about it here. I have a second phobia and it stems from this anxiety. I am terrified of things that can "go off" without warning, especially appliances related to water. As a child, I was absolutely terrified of automatic-flush toilets, to the point that the school had to step in and disable the automatic flushing mechanism. I also hate those little "hold your place in line" disks that they have at busy restaurants, the ones that buzz when your table is ready. My schools had to call my parents the day before fire drills so they could tell me the exact time the alarms would go off. I can't open rolls of biscuits because of the tube popping. Turning on the shower is the worst part of my day. Over the past few years, the stress of college and veterinary school (which I absolutely love, don't get me wrong) has ushered in a new fear. Fire sprinklers. Psychologically, it makes sense. What better to trigger anxiety than the thought of hundreds of gallons of high-pressure water pointed directly at you, stopped only by a tiny glass ampule? Literally no warning? These little bastards are designed specifically to exacerbate anxiety, I swear. Anyway, here's what happened. Two weeks ago, in the middle of the night, the intake valve on my hot water heater blew off. I woke up in the middle of the night, which was unlike me, to the sound of running water. *I don't remember turning on the washing machine*, I thought. *Better go and check.* Get out of bed. Shin deep in water. Run screaming from the bedroom and see the water bubbling from under the door to the hot water heater closet. Call my parents, in hysterics. My dad tells me to open the door so I can reach the shutoff valve. (I'm sorry, even writing this is making me hyperventilate). When I do, I'm blasted right in the face with the water. My mind just went feral. It was absolute fight or flight, and I flew. Right out the door to the apartment. I was just hunched over outside, mumbling "I can't, I can't" to myself over and over. The edges of my vision turned black. After that, all I remember was babbling incoherently. I'll spare you the details of calling 911, realizing my apartment was trashed, and spending 6 hours on my hands and knees desperately shop-vacuuming and trying to save literally anything I could. I haven't been the same since. The phobia has gotten worse. This fear is starting to rule my life. I don't close doors in my apartment anymore since I'm afraid the vibrations of the wall will break the ampule. My bedroom has one and I can't sleep unless I am completely covered head-to-toe by a blanket since I feel it "protects me" from the water. I don't turn on my nightstand lamp anymore since it points directly up at the sprinkler and I'm afraid the light will heat up the ampule. I cringe every time I open the oven or turn on the stove because I worry the heat wave will reach the kitchen sprinkler. This has stopped me from baking, which is a stress-relieving hobby of mine. It's gotten so bad that I want to sleep on the floor of the bathroom since that's the only room without sprinklers. Whenever I walk into a room, I count them. There are 5 in my apartment. Being in a room with them puts me on edge (spoiler alert: they are in every public and residential building by law). I'm legitimately worried about my heart and blood pressure. I'm a logical person, but logic simply does not work when it comes to this fear. How can exposure therapy possibly work for anyone? I called my therapist and had an emergency appointment the night after the incident. She explained how exposure therapy is all about control, so being thrust into your worst nightmare without warning or preparation will make it worse. That makes sense. Is there anyone else out there like me? Or am I just a complete freak who must accept that she'll live a life constantly on edge? It's like I'm a piece of raw spaghetti just waiting to snap at the slightest touch. TL;DR : I'm scared shitless of water spraying from appliances, woke up to my water heater exploding in my face, and have been in a state of perpetual fear ever since.

1anxiety

Can't even enjoy Thanksgiving : My anxiety is up and about I can't even explain how i feel....I canceled all plans I just wanna die. And I'm only 18 for God sakes

1anxiety

What are your home remedies to soothe nausea/vomiting due to anxiety? : My father passed today and I am barely hanging on. I can't keep anything down and the anxiety is exhausting. I've learned through trial and error that having super cold air blowing on my face, taking sips of ice water, and removing myself from overstimulating situations. Such as having what feels like a million people in your home... works best for me. What is your routine when you get sick from your anxiety?

1anxiety

Anxiety physical symptoms : Anxiety physical symptoms long list Does anyone elses physical symptoms of health anxiety stick with them all day constantly, just the different things even when u dont feel anxious. Also here is a giant list of everything I experience almost all day every day. •Heart palpitations •constant intense headaches •tension in top of head and back of head •depersonalisation and derealization •muscle aches and arm pains •feeling faint •feeling dizzy •balance problems •vision problems- blurry vision, seing flashes,white dots •panic attacks •constant feeling of death •flashbacks •spacing out/ staring into space •concentration problems •memory problems •eye pain •back pain •shoulder pain •scared to go to sleep fear of dying in sleep •always tired •feeling on edge •intense rushes going through body •constantly googling symptoms •checking heart rate all the time •intense chest pains, sometimes tightness, sharp or stabbing •jelly legs when walking, feeling like im not gonna make it while walking •shortness of breath, feeling like my body isnt getting enough oxygen •feeling nauseous •itchy hands and feet •tingling in hands and feet •hot and cold flashes •arms and legs feeling dead •head zaps feel like its click or electrical zap in head •constant yawning •getting scared/jumped easily •blank mind •clumsiness •forgetfulness •body twitching •physically being sick •stomach making loud noises •constant stretching of arms and legs to stop pain ‘•weird taste in mouth •weird body feeling that is hard to describe •constantly clearing throat •lump in throat •difficulty swallowing •bad stomach issues Ive had every test done at the hospital im completely normal countless blood tests, ECG’s, chest xray, mri, ct, oxygen levels, urine tests.

1anxiety

Can anxiety lead to blacking out for few seconds : I was feeling very anxious this evening and when I got up and walked to attend the door, I lost balance as a result of blacking out and lost sense of surrounding Does that happen to you as well?

1anxiety

My mentally handicapped brother ate his guinea pig alive : So, some of you may have seen my post from /r/advice end up on the front page. I never really took PTSD seriously before, other than obvious cases like war vets coming home, parents with dead kids, etc. Boy, was I ignorant. Some quick background if you didn't see my original post in /r/advice: I am the 30 year old brother of a 22 year old man who has the functionality/mental capacity of an 8 year old. He has seizure disorder, autism, and a plethora of other issues due to oxygen deprivation at birth. This past sunday I witnessed him eat part of his pet guinea pig alive. I ended up calling 911, and he is currently in 72 hour observation at a mental health facility. At first I thought it was awful but something I could easily get past. I've seen some messed up stuff online, but this was a new horror. Things are happening to me now that I don't really understand and I'm concerned it's stress related or PTSD. I woke up last night with cold sweats and was having extremely vivid nightmares. I had what a think was a panic attack this morning after looking at facebook and seeing my parents house. Just the sight of the house itself and it was like I was reliving the whole ordeal. I took work off for next couple days while I recuperate but I'm not sure what to think. Is it too soon for PTSD? Am I just being dramatic? Just looking for some help.

7ptsd

I feel like I'm dying and I don't know if it's because of my anxiety or not : So this title may sound awfully hyperbolic, but this is honestly how I feel right now, and I'm scared shitless. I'm 17 years old, but there's a few health things in my life stressing me out: - Extremely bad teeth. I have a genetic tooth disorder in which my teeth break and decay VERY easily. Just last week I had a surgery under IV sedation to remove 11 of my top teeth. Haven't felt right since. I can't eat anything but very soft foods like pudding and soup, so I've been living off super unhealthy shit and have been eating and drinking very little. I'd just like to go back to my normal healthy diet, but I can't until January when I get my implants. - I constantly feel fatigued, my muscles always feel so weak and I just feel like I can't get out of bed. It makes me so nervous. - I've been bruising extremely easily for the past 3 months or so. My hair also falls out frequently, and I'm lucky to have extremely thick hair. Blood tests came back normal. - I have awful, painful acne. Sometimes cystic, but always inflamed. Do I know it could be worse? Of course! But does that stop me from worrying? Unfortunately not. I feel so weak that I've been crying a lot because I'm so scared I'm dying or have some crazy disease, and it's really scary for me. I had been doing exceptionally well with my anxiety for the past year and had been making leaps and bounds, but I'm back to square one. I keep thinking I'm going to have to get rushed to the hospital and I'm pretty damn terrified. Any advice? I was thinking I'd schedule an appointment with my doctor for next week.

1anxiety

Perks of having adhd... woke up in the middle of the night, code, share here, and then try to go back to sleep :\ : Well, sometimes it's just awesome how random ideas just appears from nowhere. For those who are familiar with Python, i created this tool to download subtitles for no reason at all. Anyway, this is the repository url: https://github.com/pereirtc/subpytle and the demonstration for educational purposes: http://recordit.co/2IS9nAGi1f Now, i have no idea how i'm going to sleep again, since i'm trapped on a ultra wide monitor checking [Reddit](https://www.reddit.com/), [Flipboard](https://flipboard.com/) and [Stumbleupon](http://www.stumbleupon.com/) Anyway, i think i'm going to finish to listen to some episodes of [We're alive](http://www.werealive.com/) that i missed. Sorry for the extreme random post at this time. but well, it's normal for us right? =) Take care!

0adhd

Yes adhd is hard but it’s not the answer for all your life’s challenges. : *YES ADHD IS HARD AND MAY NOT BE THE ANSWER FOR ALL YOUR LIFES CHALLENGES.* I was diagnosed with ADHD at 37 and felt all the mixed emotions that came along with it. Finally an explanation! Finally info to help manage! I figured it all out! Fast forward three years and it wasn’t just the ADHD. Sure, it’s a layer and adds the spice of life but guess what there’s more to the story—it’s trauma. I’ve found that so any ADHD subs focus around adhd being the end all be all but then how are those without adhd still struggling? We’re all made of layers and nuance and conditions can co-occur. I mean, adhd is highly genetic and we know how unmanaged adhd sucks, how could we NOT have trauma from being raised by those who had unmanaged adhd while they raised us? By being raised in a society that downs have compassion/understanding around adhd (capitalism, womp womp). ADHD isn’t the only thing to blame for lack of self worth, self compassion, surrounding yourself with toxic people that feel familiar (therefore comfortable) etc. These are common trauma responses. Keep digging y’all. There’s always more to the story. ADHD is a big answer to many things but not everything! And it can be further exasperated by other conditions such as trauma or childhood wounds. Take care ❤️ Edit: My intent is NOT to dismiss or minimize the very real impact and challenges of ADHD in any way. Please assume best intent here—I am merely offering another possibility to consider for treatment and management. Trauma requires different treatment to manage and grow than adhd and if all we do is hyperfocus on adhd as the end all be all, many of us are likely missing another piece if the puzzle. Those with adhd are more likely to suffer from trauma or other mental health conditions. Highlighting a valid perspective does not invalidate other perspectives that are opposite or conflicting — holding dialectic thoughts here, people! If this post makes you emotional and defensive or hell bent on making assumptions or misunderstanding, stop and think WHY. Is it trauma? Having adhd is this society alone can commonly cause trauma and managing adhd symptoms alone will not help treat trauma. There are great discussions sharing all sorts of perspectives and experiences in the comments.

0adhd

Someone introduced me to delayed text messages and it has blown my mind! : So I never really knew that you could delay text messages or maybe I did and never realized the usefulness. Are you like me and you set reminders on your calendar and you ignore them or it just takes to long to set the reminder? Boom. Send your self a delayed text message at the time you want to be reminded with a note! Really late at night and an old friend pops in your head or remember something that you want to tell someone and it's to late to text? Boom. Set a delayed text for the next day! Get to busy or side tracked during the day to remember to see how your SO is doing with there day? Boom. Set up a delayed text message to go out in the morning asking them how they are doing today! My wife even uses it to help me remember stuff. We will be driving some where or my phone will be out of reach and she will set up a message to remind me later. I send reminders to people I work with to make sure task are complete. I am sure allot of people know about this but I hope even one person finds it as useful as I have!

0adhd

New hobby that consumes your life... : Do you ever pick up a new hobby, become COMPLETELY obsessed with it.. but once it loses its novelty, you’re left siting there trying to remember who you were or what you used to do before the thing took over?

0adhd

Bpd and npd : I tried to post this on a narcissist personality disorder forum but..they said only people with npd could post there...shouldn't be surprised as a main trait of narcissim is selfishness..but I digress..my husband has recently been diagnosed with bpd and npd (narstistic personality disorder) the npd diagnosis scared the hell out of me...im still in shock tbh. So much makes sence now with his diagnosis the emotional abuse the gaslighting the emotional affairs ...the im terrified to lose you one minute then bam im leaving you...its been rough..I was woundring if anyone else has this joint disorder? I would love some insight and advice. Im not here to judge just want to understand more so I can make my marriage work..(we have been married for 7 years and together 10).

3bpd

I need your tricks and tips for being attentive towards friends and SOs : When I am with friends or the guy I am currently seeing, we are usually outside or in a cafe or in a store or taking a walk. Now with friends it is not such a big issue even though I can tell they are irritated: Often I get super distracted by trying to pay attention, it's like an act or a role I try to play, and I don't pay attention during it because all my attention is on pretending to pay attention -____- Like: Am I doing this right? Am I appearing attentive? And then I realize I did not hear what they said, and have to ask super stupid questions which irritate them. There is so much going on around us, so I constantly check the surroundings, other people, noises, think of what I am gonna say next, wonder if I am looking at my friends for too long and should look away now to be polite, wonder what else I should look at, think about what to eat later, see a funny looking person.. [This is me listening to someone, busy with my own facial expressions](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eUxpCG2n7o) You get the idea. If I do not take a conscious effort to learn things, I do not really keep them in mind. With the guy I am currently seeing it is the worst. I feel terrible. He notes all those things, like how much sugar I have in my tea or what I like to eat, and it just isn't natural to me to pay so much attention to everything he does and says. Usually I do remember details of conversations, conversations and other things rather well and even better than others - IF I am actively involved, but when I just listen to people, my thoughts start to drift. I already try to ask questions but I have really trouble focusing on one person all the time. I'm sure plenty of you people know this problem and I'd like to know what you do about it.

0adhd

I can’t think about even an hour into my future without getting massively suicidal : Every time I think about any aspect of me future, it just makes me wanna kill myself. If I think about an hour from now, I think about how bored I am, how I’d rather just be asleep cause there’s nothing I wanna do, nothing interests me, nothing is fun to me anymore, nothing feels even remotely worth the effort. And if I think about further into my future, on a more big picture scale I just think about how all my mental illnesses make it virtually impossible for me to ever have a life where I don’t feel like I’m treading water just to stay breathing, all the while never getting any of the things that might actually make some of this a little easier. The list of diagnoses I’ve had thrown at me feels endless at this point, major depressive disorder, persistent depressive disorder, BPD, Bipolar Type 2, C-PTSD, anorexia, avoidant personality disorder, who knows how many of them are actually accurate. But if even half that list is real, it means that I’m basically gonna be spending the rest of my life learning how to just be “ok”. I might not even ever get there. From everything I’ve heard, it takes decades at the shortest. Just thinking about spending that long, it’s already exhausting me. Not to mention I’m probably gonna waste all the best years of my life getting that point. What, I’ll finally start to be able to live when I’m 50? 60? What’s the point? I can’t hold down jobs, I just can’t. I don’t know if it’s stress or boredom or what the reason is but I just either get so depressed I self harm in the bathrooms at work and usually end up having a suicide attempt, or I get so dissociative I can’t function, or I just go into a full psychotic episode. Either way’s the same, I either get fired or have to quit. And my savings account just gets constantly drained by all of life’s bullshit that I can never get ahead, I can never live anything but week to week. I’ll never have a house or a car or any of those sorts of things because I just can’t afford it. And if I could, I’d have to sell it before long cause I couldn’t afford the upkeep. It also means I can never afford anything but the most basic of mental health help. The only times I’ve been able to visit psychiatrists, for instance, was because I had savings and I still had to starve myself for a week to offset the cost. I’ll never have friends or a relationship or any of that. Not that I really care at this point, I guess, it’s just a choice I have to make because I can’t handle it. I’ve lived without friends my entire life basically, only ever had one person I’d consider a real friend and that was maybe the worst experience of my life anyway, because I fell in love with her and everything got complicated and messy and now I’ve lost the friendship. That’s also my only experience with love, given or received, so as much as I feel touch-starved and lonely all the time, I’d rather be alone forever than risk going through any of that again. And I know that’s my choice, and I think it’s still better than the alternative, but god do I just get so crippling you lonely. I hug a pillow every night in bed just to feel like I have a person next to me. But I know I’ll never be able to. I just don’t see a way for things to get better for me. Hell, I don’t even know what “better” even *looks like* for me. It’s not even an episode or a depressive phase at this point, it’s been years that I’ve been like this. All the therapists I’ve seen haven’t been able to help me at all. The dozens and dozens of medications I’ve been on have had zero effect whatsoever. I can’t afford ECT or any of those types of specialised treatments, I’ve tried psychedelics and weed and all those other “alternative medications” that people recommended and I hate how all of them made me feel. I just don’t know what else there even is to do about it, and every time I think about it, it makes me realise what my life’s actually gonna be like for the next couple decades at least and I just don’t wanna be here for it.

7ptsd