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mavinsao

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reddit-mental-illness-82

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Anyone else have issues doing new things? : I'm trying to build my life and move past my trauma but whenever I'm trying to learn a new skill it just feels like everystep no matter how small is the most difficult thing in the world. This is what sucks about getting abused as a child :( I have no skills and am seemingly doomed to fail because every hill feel like a mountain if I'm not used to it.

7ptsd

How do you stop the angry outbursts? Need help : Hi everyone, When I get triggered I have an outburst. I can’t really describe what it’s like but here goes: trigger, overwhelming sense of terror, overwhelming pain and then I feel intense fear and then i guess anger and then I have an outburst (shout/scream). I can’t control it - people tell me I have a choice to control the outburst but it really doesn’t feel like i do because it happens so fast and the feelings are so overwhelming I don’t feel like I have any control. It can happen in a blink of an eye. Can anyone help me please? How do you stop yourself between the trigger and the outburst? Thank you J Ps too scared to seek therapy

7ptsd

Getting in trouble because of adhd : Hi I was wondering if anyone else got in trouble of their adhd? When I was younger I would always forget to do my homework, brush my teeth, clean my room, not make eye contact, etc. I don’t know if this is a common thing with many people or if my dad only did it. Sorry if it’s a dumb question it’s just been on my mind recently (also sorry for the bad grammar English isn’t my first language)

0adhd

The constant, chronic lingering background feeling that something MUST be wrong / something is not right - anyone else? : So, I recently realised that ever since I was little (and way before I had regular OCD) I always - as far back as I can remember- had this constant, chronic lingering background feeling that something was wrong /something was not right. My brain is and has always been feeling like something MUST be wrong, and OCD seems to be like the detective who has taken the job of always scanning for that thing that is wrong. Everytime I beat a theme it seems like my mind is like 'oh well, that wasn't it then. It must be something else, lets start searching again!' and then it starts scanning again, not by my will, but just kind of automatically... Right now I am between themes, and I have this weird feeling (like I always do between themes) of combined relief and at the same time this semi-unconcious 'scanning' of something to be wrong, because something MUST be wrong. Of course I know logically that this is not true, this is just my brain's constant feeling. Anyone who recognises this?

6ocd

I want to open up about my trauma but can't talk about it without feeling like I'm reliving it : I've been date raped multiple times, namely by my ex I dated three years. I want to work through it and put it behind me, but when I try to open up in therapy, I go into some kind of panicked dissociative state and lose myself. It's like I get choked up and start hyperventilating; the world gets spinny and my field of vision gets smaller; my body is paralyzed with fear. I feel like I'm back in bed with him. I feel like I'm being choked. I just want to fade away. If I can't talk about it without shutting down, then I don't want to talk about it. But how can I get over it if I can't deal with it?

7ptsd

Losing everyone you thought cared : I thought I was doing better lately but have recently had a setback today. I know that progress is not linear but it’s so demoralizing to slide back into darkness after giving yourself time to heal and trying to do everything right. I think that the hardest part about this whole journey is how isolating it all is. In my family, it is very taboo to show weakness. I have been conditioned pretty well to feel shame about putting my troubles on others. It’s humiliating to ask for help and I feel internal pressure to constantly reassure people that everything is fine. That’s why it feels so horrible to rely on loved ones and have them not seem to care as much as I would like them to. Of course, everyone puts on a good show at first. It’s all so exciting for them, hearing the story, feeling like they are part of things. As time goes on, they almost get a little resentful that you are struggling still. They don’t understand or even want to try to understand. Their lives have moved on and I am still stuck in an alternate reality split between the past and the present. It feels like they are over caring about you or trying to support you. I hear the same thing over and over again.. not to let this define me, as though that’s my goal.

7ptsd

Eating foods a certain way? : Do any of you feel a compulsive need to eat certain foods a certain way? For example keeping a pint of ice cream leveled by shaving it off with your spoon instead of “digging,” or eating a casserole or burrito bowl in a way that keeps the “open edge” perfectly vertical and straight rather than messy and spilling everywhere? It’s been a thing for me as long as I can remember. Just wondering if anyone else can relate?

6ocd

Personally, I don't understand how people have a consistent favorite color/color scheme, mine changes more often than my hobbies do, and that says something! : I see people who will have the same color scheme for their decor for years and years because it's their favorite, or their game character will always have the same looks, etc. It just feels like my favorite/preferred color scheme changes so much I can't even keep the same sheets on my bed for too long without wanting to change the whole look up. Even when I built my PC I made sure everything had customizable lights and I change the theme almost weekly. I love highly customizable things because it satisfies that impulsive itch to change things up without having to put in tons of time, money, or effort.

0adhd

Can we heal the self-hate? : I'm really having a hard time with self loathing at the moment. I know that people with bpd can learn skills to cope and function in the world but is it possible to truly repair the intense self hate at the heart of all of it? If anyone has managed it I would love to hear from you because I need some hope right now. I don't want to have to constantly be at war with myself and the world with only a dbt skills manual to help me. I want to feel ok about myself, I want to feel a sense of calm and not this awful self hatred that never seems to go away. If anyone has managed to stop the self hatred I would love to know what helped. I don't even want amazing confidence or a high self esteem, I just want to feel that I'm ok, that I'm a human and I deserve to live on this planet, that's all I want.

3bpd

Does anyone else feel extreme shame and guilt after a night of drinking? : Laying in bed at 5 am after a night of drinking and I’m riddled with anxiety. I’m 32 and every single time I drink and enjoy myself I feel completely fucking awful the next morning. Even if I didn’t say or do anything stupid I still feel intense guilt! I broke a glass tonight and it was a simple mistake as it slipped from my hand but I can’t stop thinking about how stupid it probably made me look. And I drove home. Which was so incredibly stupid. On Christmas Day I also let loose and I drove home like an idiot as well. So it’s two times now in the past two months. No I don’t have an alcohol issue and I’m often times very in control with my alcohol intake (for the anxious reasons above). But if I ever actually let loose and have too much it’s shame central. I just feel like nothing good comes from alcohol and it’s making me want to give it up completely

1anxiety

Shocked : I just found out my wife and her brother were instructed by their father when she was around 12 (brother 15) to take their clothes off. Then the father explained what sex is and how their privates work (did not touch). This was his form of sex education. Later on a trip, he made her masterbate in front of him when she was around age 15. She kept this secret all these years (now age 45). I can use some guidance to handle this sensitive matter.

7ptsd

Received feedback from boss that I may have ADHD...he called it "Shiny Objects Syndrome"...how do I get properly diagnosed if I don't have health insurance? : Just discovered this sub and thought I'd ask. I share a lot of the symptoms that are posted here, and my previous boss mentioned somewhat lightly that I may have ADHD (he was able to recognize it, I guess). He noticed this when I was interning for him and I would get distracted on doing something else (I was making some scripts to automate stuff). I would bring up too many new ideas and projects with scripting that were certainly doable, but they were simply "Shiny Objects" as he would call them. They say hindsight is 20/20 and it really is. The problem is now I am seeing that in other parts of my life as well, outside of work. 100s of unfinished projects is only the beginning. The bigger problem that I have right now is finishing school. It is 100% online and I am trying the "hunkering down and just doing it" part but its not happening. I come home from work physically exhausted and my mind just goes everywhere. Being on the computer is like playing pinball with my attention span, only there are no borders. What are some good ideas to see a professional if I don't have health insurance? I currently work full-time and pay for college tuition with that money, while I am lucky enough to live with family that is providing me a roof, a bed and food. Not yet making enough to be on my own or help my family. Any advice is appreciated. This sub exists and I am glad I found it. Thanks.

0adhd

Constant fear of losing someone : I'm not going to go into huge details but I grew up in a funeral home and tl;dr it severely damaged me. I didn't realize it until about three years ago but it's been a trainwreck every since and I'm almost constantly afraid of losing someone I love. Does anyone else have this? I've talked to several people on here across a few different subs, including the OCD one, and there seems to be an alarmingly solid consensus that I've got the "obsessive, intrusive and absolutely horrendous thoughts" variant. I haven't been to a therapist in a long time, I don't want to go in depth as to why (If you really feel you need to know, PM me and I'll explain it). Is this just me? Does anyone else have this? I know most people worry, and that it's normal, but for fuck's sake I lose my mind when anyone anythings. I saw Deadpool with my boyfriend and best friend last week and almost had to leave the theater because it capitalized on one of my biggest phobias and I was about to puke.

1anxiety

Anxiety from not getting work done is starting to keep me from getting work done. : Not currently taking medication. Getting up to that might be hard as things currently stand. I was on ritalin very briefly after my diagnosis at around the age of 8-9 with significant improvement in class (not necessarily grades and such but the teacher noticed and asked why), then the doctor decided to take me off and see how I respond after six months later and since no one really noticed any difference at that point they decided to stop my prescription. I know I should probably get back on it, but I'll have to sort out a few other things first. I was kept unaware of this until early high school and have been "dealing" with it fairly well in most areas of my life. I'm still slightly behind on social and emotional development for my age but I hit a "growth spurt" in terms of that every now and then that tends to catch me up a little. ​ More recently, studying in college I hit a really bad semester, essentially failing half my subjects and preventing me from continuing in all but on subject field. I eventually recovered from that and got my degree and an unhealthy coping mechanism. I went through a 'depressive' phase of disappointment, got more anxious at trying to perform well, relied more and more on that anxiety to be productive. For a while I hit a cycle where I would ramp up my anxiety until I actually started doing something, by which time I had too little time to do it well forcing myself to cram more into those few days than any sane person should (often missing meals and wondering why I haven't been able to focus for an hour). I would get the job done and then hit a seriously lethargic slump (kinda like crashing on a major sugar rush but for a few days). ​ So now, I seem to have mostly ended that do-nothing, strung-up-anxious, crash-and-burn, do-nothing cycle or at least some combination of having softened it at the crash-and-burn part and feeling too overwhelmed with anxiety to get things done. I got past one week of this by drinking unhealthy amounts of coffee, which really put a number on my sleep. I don't know how I've ever gotten myself to do something without anxiety anymore. Sometimes I can somehow ignore most of my emotions and use that to just get to work, but that only works with sad and hurt. Now I'm anxious because I haven't gotten nearly as much done as I should be doing and it's gotten overwhelming to the point where that overwhelm is keeping me from doing things and I either feel lethargic (usually when I'm supposed to work but at it's worst when I get up) or like I'm strung up and falling apart (usually at it's worst when I'm better off sleeping than working).

0adhd

Just lost it (Warning; Loads of swearing) : Spent 5 hours coding my blog. Something went wrong and I couldn't figure out what and ended up deleting everything, including posts/pictures. Which led to massive panic attack, uncontrollably crying, wanting to cut myself and break everything around me. My blog was (one of) my motivations to stay on track and now I just wanna rage quit on everything and fucking die. I refuse to use a fucking free design that looks like a godamn 10 year old have fucking shit out. I like things being picture perfect and if it's not the whole world can just fucking burn. How the fuck have I survived this long with this fucking piece of shit brain. I can't fucking reason with myself. Edit: NSFW. Just in case I'm cursing too fucking much.

3bpd

OCD is ruining my relationship : I’ve struggled with OCD for a long time and different parts of it (contamination, checking etc.) have affected me at different times. Right now, false memories, anxiety and ruminating are hitting me hard. My girlfriend is trying her best but it’s really hurting her. I honestly preferred washing my hands 50 times a day to this.

6ocd

My psychiatrist thinks I have ADHD, but can't prescribe ADHD medication without psychological testing, which insurance won't cover. I'm going to have to drop out of school if I don't get meds. : Like what do I do here?? I spend my whole day, morning to night, usually over 9 hours, trying to complete schoolwork for my ONE ONLINE CLASS. It's my first time ever being in school due to my unusual educational background, I can't keep going like this. I lose entire days staring at the wall behind my laptop because my thoughts are racing too quickly to read. I want so badly to go to school, I've been waiting for this my entire life. For reference, my one 3-credit hour class, all online, has taken me hundreds of hours in the course of a month. I'm getting all A's, but it's exhausting.

0adhd

Hungarian Migration (600-900 AD) : During the 5th century to the 8th century AD, the Hungarian people moved from their original homeland, east of the Ural mountains in Russia, all the way to the Carpathian Basin, where modern day Hungary is now located. Along the way they settled in 3 main places. The first one, Magna Hungaria, was located just west of the Ural Mountains, on the Pontic Steppe. The second settlement is disputed; some archaeologists and historians say it was just north of the Caucasus mountians, and some say it was Levedia, norh of the sea of Azov in modern day Ukraine. Their last stop before conquering the Carpathian Basin was in Etelköz, In present day Moldova and Ukraine, north of the Black Sea and west of Crimea. I brought this up because I personally found it a fascinating subject, and I wanted to hear any opinions/theories you have about this.

5none

I studied for my exam that’s on FRIDAY : I have a baaad habit of procrastinating on school work. After allowing my GPA to drop to a truly embarrassing number, I’ve made it my mission to try and 4.0 all my classes this year. No matter the annoyance or cost (within reason obviously). My exam is Friday. I studied 3 hours tonight at my library starting at 6:30pm! 1) I usually cram the night before 2) I usually don’t even start cramming until 10 or 11pm the night before Plan to make this a routine habit from now on, and will definitely repeat again each night until my exam.

0adhd

Waking up every morning wishing I were dead : I wake up every morning wishing I were dead because I’m a very lonely person. I can barely stand the thought of getting out of bed. I’m not dead because I’m scared of pain. If you can relate or have some supportive words, please send them my way.

4depression

Constant urge to purge all social media : I often just want to delete my entire digital footprint and be that weird guy who isn’t on anything. I hate to admit it but I even need social media for work obligations. I’m tethered in to a digital world that brings me so much anxiety and a ever growing need for constant stimulation. The world stresses me out. People online destroy my faith in humanity. The real world I once knew moves slower. It’s more manageable. Can I go back to 2000 for a while?

1anxiety

After my rape, I cried during sex with my partner. : I was raped 8 months ago and have been repressing the emotions associated with it ever since. When I was having sex with my partner a week ago, after we were done I cried after because I was having such horrible memories. I was embarrassed and couldn't even begin to explain what I was thinking. I want to make my partner understand but I don't know how to explain it.

4depression

Mindless spending : Is this a bipolar thing? Mindless spending, $100 here, $100 there even though I have limited funds and bills to pay. I almost maxed out my credit cards. My credit score is bad ☹️ under 600 . I don’t feel manic, I feel tired and feel like I need to fill a void but I also feel like a zombie. A mindless spending zombie 🧟‍♀️ not thinking or caring about the consequences.

2bipolar

I've been getting sexually harassed for over 8 years : Trigger warning: sexual harassment I'm writing this crying a lot right now. I have been getting constantly sexually harassed for over 8 years. It started when I was only 16 years old. I was beginning to enjoy dressing up nice and doing makeup. Almost everytime I went outside, I would get sexually harassed by random men on the streets. I would mostly get stalked, stared at on my face and sexual parts, and be catcalled. Even get my body touched without my permission. When I would be stalked, I was so scared that I would get raped. It all happened because all the loser men were so attracted to my looks. (A lot of people tell me that I'm very beautiful.) They would even harass me when I was walking on the streets with my mom. Also, this guy at my old university had a crush on me and he tried to hit me when I started avoiding him. In addition, I get hit on by random strangers. I swear I was sexually harassed a hundred times, and those terrible experiences led to my PTSD and IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder). I'm angry, depressed, and irritable most of the time. I get so angry that I break and punch things. My close relationships are ruined because I am verbally aggressive. My parents judge and stigmatize me when I'm having an episode, because they don't have harassment experiences and don't understand PTSD. I have lots of flashbacks and some nightmares of being sexually harassed. I am always guarded whenever I go outside because I'm scared that I might get harassed again. My body becomes tense and my heart beats fast when I think about my experiences. My triggers (men) are everywhere when I'm outside so I'm always anxious. I'm taking antidepressants right now because I almost commited suicide and I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. I hate my life because I keep unintentionally attracting a bunch of ugly loser guys and getting threatened. They are all either creeps, perverts, or homeless. I don't know why I only get losers way out of my league when I'm so much better and too good for them. I don't get any proper, normal guys. I never had a real boyfriend. All I get is sexual harassment and it just doesn't stop. I hate guys because they are disgusting. It's so unfair how a lot of women get sexually threatened by loser men. I get very angry when I see news about sexual harassment or assault. I didn't deserve this kind of life just because of my looks. I don't want to live and I don't even know why I'm still alive. I'm just getting through by the pills.

7ptsd

Why wasn't the Roman past of Italy a major force of their nationalism? : We see Greece, Persia, China, India and even Germany using their national history as a dominant power to call for the same in their times, but Italian history seems to have played a minor role in European and world politics after the fall of the Western Roman Empire. It's almost like they weren't the centre of probably the world's most influential empire in the past. Why didn't Italian nationalism and their attempts to restore their former glory occupy a more influential role in history?

5none

it feels like there's another person in me that thinks and says terrible things. : i imagine scenarios where im having back and forth arguments abt something involving one of my themes and sometimes id think offensive things out of spite and anger. it's like there's a really angry person in my head who says things that i have to feel guilty abt afterward.

6ocd

How I beat religious ocd : Hey- to anyone who is suffering through religious or scrupulosity OCD I want to let you know that I cussed out God, ghosts, psychics and the devil in my mind and nothing happened. None of it is real and I found out through experimentation. I suffered through religious OCD for like a year and it went away in like 2 days.

6ocd

My 7 Amazon packages are being delivered today : So yeah, I maybe got a little too much, but you know I definitely don't have 3 more coming tomorrow and 2 on Etsy. You know, at least I don't have that problem, right? To be honest though, I am excited, I of course know what was bought but it's gonna feel like Christmas getting to open all these boxes lol

2bipolar

Silly Questions Saturday, October 26, 2019 : Do you have a question about history and have always been afraid to ask? Well, today is your lucky day. Ask away! To be clear: - Questions need to be historical in nature. - Silly does **not** mean that your question should be a joke.

5none

I feel so alone. : I lost all of my friends from college after graduating because I was a drunk mess all the time and wasn't on medication or diagnosed yet. I don't even remember why we lost touch to be honest. A lot of them moved away and I stayed in the same town. I think the problem was that since I was drunk and out of control all the time, I didn't make time to keep my friendships since everyone had moved away. Then as I started realizing it, it was too late and too awkward to try and fix. I feel so alone now. So many people have friends "since they were kids", and I have none. I have one friend and my sister. I just hate myself for losing touch. But then I also think- it takes two to keep a relationship going, right? Is it all my fault? Ugh. I feel like crying.

2bipolar

Do you ever feel like your anxiety makes you rude? I feel guilty that my anxiety caused me to appear that way and can't stop thinking About this incident. : I feel like a hypocrite. I am very sensitive and get hurt when i feel like people don't like me or be rude with me. Yet I i noticed i kind of do similar things. Because i am so anxious in public and around people, i am always tense and find it hard to smile. I get paranoid too. I had a bad history of bullying and people making fun of me in the streets that i always am in high alert when in public. Today i went with my mother out to buy a few things and when we were standing outside a store talking about if she wants to buy something in front of it. I had an umbrella out and a random man walking past says to me "Hello girl". For some reason i got really anxious and couldn't say anything. I felt embarrassed of my appearance and didn't want him to see how i really looked. I focused on my mother and what she was saying. Then notice through corner of my eye that the guy kept looking back. I felt bad :. Apparently my mother did not hear him, so i try to tell myself that hopefully i made him think that i did not hear him and my back was also facing him as well. But still i felt bad and when i told my mom she said that "you see you make people feel bad too/can be rude too." The weird thing is i always wished to that people would say hi/adknowledge my presence then when they do i get scared out of my mind and try to hide in my shell. I hate being like this :/ Have you ever had incident where you felt like you were rude and felt guilty about it later?

1anxiety

How boring is drinking a glass of water though? : Seriously. I can be thirsty as all Hell and feel like I need at least three glasses, but I get 3/4 of the way through the first glass and I'm overwhelmed with boredom and the thought of how tasteless it is and suddenly I feel like I can't possibly drink it anymore and I pour the remainder of the glass out. Can anyone else relate, or am I just a clown?

0adhd

Forgetting what you were daydreaming about : Do you ever find yourself daydreaming about a memory/scenario or idea that you feel good about, it's wholesome and you have a smile on your face. Something disturbes it, your train of thought is lost for 2 seconds, you go back to day dreaming remembering you were daydreaming about something good only to forget what you were thinking about, and now you're frustrated because you know you just were having a feel good daydream but CANNOT recall it

0adhd

Mickey and Minnie are having relationship troubles. : So they go to a therapist. After a their first session, the therapist said to Mickey, "I don't know why you think Minnie is weird Mickey." Mickey quickly and angrily replied "I didn't say she was weird! I said she's fuckin' Goofy!"

5none

My conscience is killing me : The title of our house and lot has been pawned to my aunt to be able to pay all my debts specifically on online lending apps. My sister is now posting cryptic post on her myday and I know it's all directed at me. I know it is really my fault and my conscience is killong me, I am on the verge of the thought of to un a live my self. Don't know what to do.

4depression

sometimes i feel sicker than just bpd : okay so to preface i’m 21, in the midst of my bpd diagnosis, and have bpd, major depressive, cptsd, and ocd. so quite the lineup of illnesses, but still i feel like i have a lot of symptoms that either aren’t talked about with bpd or just aren’t symptoms of it at all, and they’re for sure not symptoms of my other diagnoses. i’ve been to treatment 10+ times, doing cbt, dbt, mi, tfcbt, and so many others and nothing has been helpful i see a lot of posts on here and tiktoks and articles and books about people’s experiences with bpd, and i hate comparing myself but i feel like i’m much sicker than a lot of others

3bpd

I gave an interview to the local news channel, what was I thinking?! I'm so embarrassed... : It's a small segment where they ask for people's opinions on stuff and then show it on the evening news. At the time I thought *cool, I'm going to put myself out there*. Yeah, not so cool now. I think I was slouching, didn't know where to look so kept glancing between the interviewer and camera, said the wrong things and used a lot of filler words like 'uhm' and 'well'. I hesitated even when they asked if I'm a student. *I know I'm a student why did I need to think about it before giving an answer!* Anyway airtime is in 2 hours, I'm praying they discard my interview and show normal people instead. EDIT: for anyone who finds this, they showed about 5 seconds of me but that's more than they did any other people they interviewed. And I looked fine. Thx for the support!

1anxiety

All I ever wanted was to have friends : I know im odd, and I know I’m not the nicest but all I’ve ever wanted more than anything is to friendship and to be wanted. Embraced even. im often odd amongst the people who are considered odd, but sometimes i say things which i honestly believe are harmless or funny and people just react badly to it. Im tired of being ghosted and left out of everything. I wasn’t even invited to my support group’s Halloween party. I truly don’t understand people. Is it me? Is it them not being able to communicate? Am I just that unlikeable? Is it my face or my tone or my posture? I mean i dont feel like i am, but so many people seem to dislike me that i must be.

3bpd

What does happiness look like to you? : I wish I could have a happy life, but the problem is that I don't know what that means to me. Because of that, I don't have any dreams or goals to work toward, so my life is just stuck in an endless loop of being miserable, because I don't know what I want instead. So I'm asking you guys, what does your version of a happy life look like? Whether it be your inner emotional happiness, or physical things like a house or good job.

4depression

Best Unknown Last Stands in History : Want to preface this by saying this sub is dope as shit and I love how many people teach and learn from each other.. To the point, what are the best unknown last stands (in battles, politics, in sports, etc) where against all odds a comeback was made or because of the last stand a greater victory was later achieved. I’ve read every answer from the top pages of google, so I’m really talking about some little known stuff that you’d have to have known from digging deep into something. Edit: These comments are gold, I’m going to have months of reading just from this single thread. Amazing work reddit.

5none

A bear walks into a bar... : and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars.” The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, “We don’t serve beer to belligerent bears in bars.” The bear, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.” The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars.” The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states: “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars who are on drugs.” The bear says, “I’m not on drugs.” The bartender says, “You are now. That was a barbitchyouate.”

5none

Does anyone else get irritated over the overuse of the term "triggered"? : I'm not trying to be insensitive, I'm not. I don't tell most people I have PTSD; my trauma is a part of my life I'm trying to move away from. It just bothers me when people say something "triggers" their anxiety over something trivial or something that has nothing to do with PTSD. I never say anything because everyone is entitled to their feelings, but I feel like this might be a safe space to rant. Does it bother anyone else? I mean, the sight of cheeseburgers triggers my appetite, but the smell of certain colognes triggers a flashback. Am I wrong? Those are two separate things. I don't know. Maybe I'm hanging out with the wrong people. Oh well.

7ptsd

Going to sleep/waking up is full of intrusive thoughts/one of the hardest parts of the day : Hi everyone, I hope you are doing well, Ive just woken up recently and it was a bit of a hell with intrusive thoughts but I survived! Im just wondering is it the same for you guys as well? Especially going to bed/ act of getting asleep is a real pain sometimes. Thanks!

6ocd

Anyone else gotten worse after their diagnosis? : I’ve been in therapy for 1.5 years. The first 6 months was stabilizing/grounding after a year of complete dissociation. Then I started trauma therapy, was officially diagnosed with PTSD, and have started EMDR. I don’t know if it is the awareness of what my brain is doing because of my PTSD or if it is the contrast of feeling everything after feeling nothing, but I feel absolutely certifiably crazy. The more I learn about myself and this disorder, the more overwhelmed I become. Does anyone else have similar experience or any words of wisdom? I’ve been really struggling recently.

7ptsd

I am 24 years old, from like income home, no job, no diploma or GED, with ADHD, depression, and anxiety. : The worst part is that my family is in financial need and I seem to be nothing but an extra problem. I'm not useful or helpful. My ADHD was not caught until second half of high school. Only way I made it that far was by excelling above average in exams but failing everything else. I must have heard "you're smart but just lazy" literally over a thousand times. Now I can't hold a job, a relationship, and am a burden to my single mother of four. My depression is making this very hard to cope. I'm sorry if this doesn't belong here. Feel free to report or delete (for mods) if it doesn't. I just want to be normal. I want to function properly. Edit: Wow. I never thought I would get such replies. Thank you. All of you that took the time to share your advice, experiences, and/or insight. I know there is no quick answer to my problems, but you have all helped me want to try a little more. Whenever I am feeling hopeless, I now have this post to return to. I love this community. You have made a difference today. I wish you all the best in your struggles and endeavors!

0adhd

Meds Have Ruined My Health : Pretty much the title. Because of abilify I now have type 2 diabetes. Because of depakote I have high triglycerides. I’m now prescribed a whole pharmacy. I want to go off meds so bad, and my family is encouraging me to do so. I don’t know why I’m posting. I guess I’m just lost.

2bipolar

“I’m sorry you’re doing that to yourself.” : I know we’ve all encountered that person in the wild. The one who is convinced ADHD isn’t a real issue, just an excuse for having never learned how to buckle down and function like most of our peers. Or, if not that, they believe medication is a mistake and that we just need to learn how to work with our brains and overcome it without a “crutch.” I hadn’t had that in a while. I’m extremely comfortable at this point with my diagnosis and with my decision to pursue medication as a tool to improve my function. Last night, though, I had an encounter that reminded me how it feels to be discounted and judged out of hand. I was actually on break at Trader Joe’s (it’s my second job; full-time desk job, almost full-time TJ’s because student loans), looking at the Melatonin because I’ve been having trouble with wind-down after I get back from that second job each night. A random customer heard me talking about it with a coworker and interjected with her own experiences, so I let her know my main concern is that I’m on stimulants during the day for ADHD and want to be careful about interactions or other potential issues. Remember, I’m very open about my ADHD. I don’t think I benefit from hiding it (and that’s my personal choice; I don’t expect that openness from others and that’s fine). Her entire demeanor changed. “Oh, don’t do that to yourself. You shouldn’t be on meds for that.” Tried to tell her I’d done the “off meds” thing for half my life, and the entirety of my adult life up to this year. She interrupted before I could get my first sentence out with the title of this post and walked away. And I was pissed. I’m still annoyed about it. Because someone with no context, with no understanding of the ways in which ADHD is more than just a “focus” and “discipline” issue assumed that I’m just too lazy to tackle the way my brain functions head-on. I completed college with an unmedicated brain. I got my current career with that brain. And the emotional and organizational issues that persisted did not go away with time, despite some incredibly effective coping strategies. Meds help with that. It’s something she clearly doesn’t understand, and that makes me both angry and sad. Sad that people are so ready to judge a situation they know nothing about because of preconceived notions. So certain in that snap judgment that they’ll make it right to your face.

0adhd

How hard was it to personally get to (meet) Hitler? : First and foremost, this question will probably be worded pretty poorly and full of grammar mistakes, as I do not know English that well, so please bear with me. I know that movies are usually not very accurate source of historical accuracies, but often when I am watching movies from WW2, I see some trends going on there. Often when there is somebody who spoke to Hitler personally, in the movie (it is presented in sense of) it feels like an impossible task, or often I see in movies generals or officers (maybe even high-ranking, I am totally not so sure) saying how they are not able to get to Hitler in person and that they are trying to so much to get to him, again feels like impossible task, or often seeing in movies how person that met Hitler was very happy and proud of that, even maybe felt accomplished? Was it like this in reality too? I hope I explained properly what I am trying to ask. I was also looking if there was answer for this, but no luck or maybe I looked wrong. Also I am trying to aim the question more in the direction of "employees" of the Reich, military, officers, generals, not really general public or outsiders, altough speaking of, it would be interesting for me to know, if there was some meetings of general people of Reich with Hitler himself, but not on the street or parade or anything like that, you know what I mean? Thank you very much in advance, I greatly appreciate any reply.

5none

Just started Adderall : Concerta gave me HBP. Going to try Adderall. just diagnosed after 52 years. Looking forward to getting better. Currently unemployed, I have great skills, but a little anxiety from all the job changes, some due to the industry I'm in.

0adhd

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, please help me. I hurt all over." : The doctor asked the man to explain more. The man said, "When I touch my arm it hurts, when I touch my leg it hurts, when I touch my head it hurts. Everywhere I touch it hurts." The doctor examined the man and said. "Mr Smith, your finger is broken!"

5none

Ever get so low you tap into an emotionless state? It's kind of relieving. : I have a kind of self-defense kind of mechanism when I'm in too much pain or have been suffering for too long or my suicidal ideations have gotten too vivid that I kind of break. But it's more like a false bottom of a well, like a safety net so I don't hurt myself. Does anyone else get like this? I call it my inner nazi scientist. Logic, function, and survival are the driving forces. I have even noticed a reduction in my panic responses, PTSD flashbacks caused by triggers, and am mostly free of anxiety (other than double checking that I am acting normal and not like a sociopath, remembering to smile at appropriate times, etc). In the short term, this feels like a superpower of being impervious, stepping back to look over things completely objectively without the negative voices from my past influencing my every action. I know this isn't healthy in the long run without being able to experience joy, but once I get a stable living situation and regular work schedule I may be able to ease out of this and have my emotions return. I've noticed the only two times this has happened before was triggered by the death of my grandfather and also experiencing Post Rape Trauma. But taking a step back is helping. Feeling nothing is better than being in constant pain.

4depression

Why do I hate myself so much? : Can someone help me understand why I hate myself so much? Been working on csa trauma and PTSD for the last year. My therapist is great and it's been a lot of help but also very difficult and I'm in the trenches right now. Last session I told her I hate myself for the first time outloud. I can not explain why I hate myself just that I don't deserve to be happy and I deserved everything that has happened to me. How do I change this way of thinking? I shouldn't hate myself I am a strong woman who has been through a lot and is still here, why can't I accept that?

7ptsd

How do you stop splitting when you can't talk to the person you're splitting? : The main way I'm able to stop splitting is by talking to the person; there's times that works almost instantaneously. However, lately I've been splitting my boyfriend a lot in many different ways as he's been adjusting to the new year of classes (and other personal things but i won't get into those) and has been less able to talk as much lately. I'm 100% okay with it, and understand it, and I'm aware it's going to be over soon. My brain just keeps trying to split him and tell me all this bullshit. It can be semi-stressful at times; and since he can't talk as much, it's hard to stop splitting him sometimes. Sometimes from there it builds and builds until he finally texts, and last night I said some really dumb shit that made it seem like i was mad at him over this when I am not at all. It's just stressful because for no reason at all, simply because he's texting/calling a little less, my brain is splitting him. Because of things I had said while I was splitting last night, he got the impression that him texting me less was stressing me out and started seeming like he thought he was a bad boyfriend. I assured him it's nothing he's doing and it's just my BPD causing me to do/say dumb shit, but I wanna stop doing this so he doesn't continue thinking this. Any tips for how you guys stop splitting a person and can avoid saying/doing dumb things when you're unable to talk to/hang out with the person during it?

3bpd

I think I've finally stopped caring that people don't like me : I feel like I'm kind of having a light switch moment though perhaps I'm just splitting. I've lost a few friends this year as my BPD is too much for delicate young men. Though my friendships with others have strengthened I keep getting stuck on those who have left me, typical abandonment issue type stuff. Over the past few weeks however I'm noticing how much stronger I've gotten, if people don't want to be in my life there's no point hurting over it. I just wanted to share that experience, it is possible to move past that FP who walked away. Day by day I'm finding my own identity and it is not defined by the few people I wasn't good enough for.

3bpd

Has anyone else found mushrooms helped? : At a point where I was immediately post assault, extremely depressed and considering unaliving myself a friend gave me hallucinogenic mushrooms to "pull me out of the ditch". Initially I was averse to the possibility it would make the flashbacks worse. After the first time I noticed a profound improvement in my emotional state and depression. My friend later confided with me that they were extremely relieved that they helped because they were seriously concerned (reasonably) I was going to unalive myself even though I had never discussed it with them. Has anyone else had this positive experience?

7ptsd

DAE struggle with involuntary vocalisation when in a thought spiral? : Sometimes, when I'm alone walking down the street or at home in my room, and when I'm spiralling further and further into guilt about some minor thing I've done that day (talked over someone, handed over cutlery without washing hands, etc.), I start to talk out loud to myself, telling myself how worthless I am or how I've ruined whatever it is I've ruined, etc.. I try to stop, but I can't seem to do it, even when people are in earshot - I'll start saying, 'Stop', 'Just stop talking', but it's all out loud. Usually it lasts about ten or fifteen minutes, and I hide myself away until it's over. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

6ocd

If I go to the store to pick up anything more than one thing, I had better bring a list. : Can't count the amount of times I've stood in a grocery store trying to remember the 3 item list I didn't write down. That is, if I end up at the store, and not at work by accident due to something interesting being on the radio on the way. Goddammit.

0adhd

Why must some people feel the need to pep talk : I went to the mirror after a night of no sleep and felt like a hideous beast. I inform a good friend and she insists on giving me an annoying pep talk. Now not only do I want to take a blade to my face but hers as well. Edit: I sound like a 14 year old girl going through puberty. Let it be known that I'm a 22 year old guy having a bad mirror day.

2bipolar

Feel like most bipolar ignored : Today is national bipolar day. I work at a University and we get emails about special days, weeks, months etc. all the time. So I thought I'd write up email and mention bipolar March 30th. I had a person edit it. It then went social equity. They're the people that sends out these types of emails. Well, it 6:00pm and no email mentioning Bipolar Day.... read into that what you will. Pissed

2bipolar

I'm 7 years sober from alcohol today :) : I'm posting this all over Reddit! Today marks 7 years sober from alcohol! It's still a really big struggle for me. The majority of my dreams have to do with alcohol. I miss it everyday. But I remain sober for my mom, who has always supported me no matter how difficult my mental illness journey has been. So today we celebrate. Wish me luck! <3

3bpd

The slightest hint of rejection and my BPD ass has already deleted your number from my contacts : This happens more than I'd like to admit. I think it boils down to me worrying about them potentially abandoning me first, whether I've known them for a couple of days or a couple of years. I wish I wasn't like this lol.

3bpd

I’m so sick of dismissive doctors : I just had an over the phone doctors appointment. The doctor I usually see is on maternity leave so I was seen by the doctor who’s covering for her. A year or two ago I was on concerta but I decided to stop because the negative side effects outweighed the benefits at the time. Now that I’m older and in college, I wanted to go back on concerta because I’m finding it really difficult to manage my ADD. I mentioned this to him and also explained I’m on anxiety medication but that my anxiety had worsened as a result of the pandemic. As soon as he heard that, he put all my ADD struggles down to anxiety. I can only concentrate for a maximum of 20 mins, in between 3 hour breaks and he said “ah that’s normal for everyone, just find a balance between studying and taking breaks.” ADD has affected my grades pretty badly and with only a month left of college, going back on concerta was my only hope. I’ve been struggling pretty bad recently not only with ADD but anxiety and depression. That call really felt like he was invalidating my feelings. He said because he’s a GP he can’t prescribe ADHD medication. I know this is untrue because I’m not newly diagnosed and ADD doesn’t magically disappear. It really hurts because my previous psychiatrist also invalidated my feelings. She used to tell me there was no way a 16 year old could be suicidal. The GP said unless I go back to her, it’s going to cost a lot to get another ADD screening. Even then, the waiting time is super long to go back to my previous psychiatrist and I just don’t have €120/$150 to pay each visit to see her again. I just don’t understand why people become doctors if they’re not going to listen to patients who are clearly in distress. A lot of doctors are obviously very smart but lack basic emotional intelligence. I had other things to discuss with the doctor but after that I didn’t feel comfortable to discuss them with him. As soon as the phone call ended I immediately burst into tears. I don’t know how much longer I can do this, I’m struggling a lot. I don’t even have enough money to go to another doctor. It’s unfair that NDs and those who suffer from mental illnesses have to deal with high medical costs/bills while also fighting mental battles every day. Doctors visits are usually meant to make people feel some sense of hope but that has never been the case for me.

0adhd

I think I've lost my best friend due to my BPD outbursts. : I've been trying to get better but they still come and go sometimes. But the damage is more permanent. I can't blame someone for prioritizing their own happiness over others'. I know I'm not in the right,and that makes it worse.

3bpd

OCD and hypochondria? : Disclaimer: I have not yet been diagnosed with OCD and am looking into finding someone who can evaluate me. All signs point to yes lol but I acknowledge I could be wrong. So at least a full hour of my day every day is spent researching different medical conditions/disorders, whether it’s physical or mental, to see if I have it/if it explains my feelings as well as to reassure me that I’m okay. Today as I was searching I was reminded of the term hypochondriac. I realized that people who are deemed hypochondriacs seem to have similarities to health related OCD. Im probably wrong but is that a thing? Are people with medical/health related ocd wrongly called hypochondriacs, or vice versa?

6ocd

Has anyone else experienced this symptom? : Hi, I'm just wondering whether any of you are experiencing something similar to me. Does anyone else latch onto a word or a sentence that they hear while watching tv or listening to the radio and then repeat it over in their head, almost like a chant. This started recently enough for me, maybe a few weeks ago. I usually repeat the sentence 3 or 9 times, sometimes more. I've also started repeating a 'safe' word over and over in my head while watching tv to try to stop myself from repeating the things that people say on tv. Does anyone do anything similar to this?

6ocd

I GOT A FULL TIME JOB!!!!! : I never thought just 8 months ago that I’d ever be able to work again, let alone full time! I’m so so proud of myself! Edit: thank you so much everyone! You have no idea what your words are meaning to me!

2bipolar

should two depressed people be dating? : My best friend and I are both depressed. Both our parents have been abusive and we've both been bullied in school (different reasons tho). She recently told me in a text that she wants to date me and I feel the same. I just don't know if it is a smart idea for two depressed people to be dating. Edit: I’m currently trying to read all your replies and answer thoughtfully. Thanks so much everyone.

4depression

What does life look like in your thirties when you have BPD? : I’m just throwing this question out there, and maybe it’ll make sense, maybe it will not. I’m a little drunk, so who knows. I feel like BPD symptoms and psychological discrimination destroyed my twenties. Although I went to college, the majority of the friendships I made there are destroyed as people are too weirded out by my symptoms and have blocked me, unfriended me, gone away. I was fired from my first post-college job due to BPD symptoms and spent 6 years working in customer service jobs that I hated before finally getting an office job that I felt like I could enjoy and feel like I hadn’t wasted my tuition money. I’ve been victim of horrible involuntary hospitalizations that have destroyed my credit and emotionally hobbled me. I just turned 30 and I’m still suffering, but hopeful that my 30s would be a chance to rebuild and create a life worth living. If you’re in your 30s, what does/did life with BPD look like for you?

3bpd

i can’t even imagine what’s its like not have ocd / serve anxiety / depression. wow it must be pure bliss : I know every person has something they are struggling with. I just wish my ocd/anxiety/depression wasn’t so aggressive because I had periods of my life when my ocd wasn’t bad and it was great.

6ocd

Words with Meaning : Having PTSD and having almost no one who really understands what it does to me, people with all the good intentions would say the usual "just push through it" or "don't let this beat you" encouraging words meant to make me feel strong and unstoppable instead made me feel weak and powerless. How can I push through this when my brain is constantly telling me that I'm in danger, or trapped? How can I beat this when my panic attacks get so bad, that I have seizure-like tremors? But you can't blame the people for their advise, they're only trying to help, right? I didn't know what I needed to hear until someone told me to repeat to myself over and over. I am strong. I am beautiful. I can do this. It won't help all the time, but in that moment, I needed those words. I needed to tell myself those words, and not just hear them from someone else. What are the words that you need to hear today? You don't even have to reply to this post, though you are more than welcome to do So! But I want this to at least be something that whoever reads this can think about. I wish you all the best of luck out there, PTSD can be a monster.

7ptsd

I Crushed The Interview! : After a year of suffering at a crushing fast food job, unable to quit because of my anxiety. But finally, I found an opening at the front office of the vet clinic my girlfriend works at, and they agreed to do an interview! I heard from my girlfriend that it would be a verbal interview, and if they liked me it would move on to a working interview. That scared the hell out of me, I wondered about every way I could screw up and they just tell me to go after the first part. But, they had me train! For 2 hours, and it would have been longer but the person training me had to move onto other things, so I called a ride home. The best part though, was the interviewer told me that she told her boss to “please hire him” !! She said she liked the way I presented myself, and thought I would fit in well. My biggest fear was how I presented myself. I have a lot of hyper awareness of my body, and how I’m acting. So I worry about making too much eye contact, or slouching, or sitting with my arms or legs in a weird way. So hearing this made me so so so happy, and showed me the progress I thought I had made was real! I’m not very active in this community, but I browse a lot, and your stories have all helped me immensely, and inspired me to push towards a better mindset. So I just hope maybe someone can get a bit of inspiration from this too!

1anxiety

Noises that drive me totally up the wall bonkers : TL;DR: Didn't finish a quiz because a kid next to me was writing hard with a ballpoint pen, and the kid behind me was sniffling and coughing. Long rant version: I'm in grad school. I just got diagnosed and put on Vyvanse at the age of 25, and for the first time in my life feel like I know how to really study and retain information. It's a beautiful feeling. Then, all of a sudden, today I felt like I went crashing back into my former self. Order of events: 1. TA walked in saying, "This one is really easy, it shouldn't take too long" etc., so I'm already a little psyched out. Then 2. Kid next to me starts writing frantically, a mile a minute, pressing way too hard w his BALLPOINT PEN on a wooden desk, scribbling out his mistakes, then has the nerve to ask for another piece of paper and do the whole thing again. Meanwhile, 3. Kid behind me is sniffling and breathing super heavy like the kid from Hey Arnold, and coughing intermittently such that whenever I start to feel safe, he startles me again. 4. TA has a timer that starts ticking louder as we near the end of the time 5. I do not finish a simple, 3-question quiz I left the classroom feeling completely distraught. I felt like all my nerves were fried and my hands are honestly still kind of shaking, but I also feel incredibly silly because they are just noises, and when I was recounting this to a friend, I said "and you know that sound when someone is writing too hard w a ballpoint pen" and they were like, "no, but continue". And this is kind of the first time I've realized that my hypersensitivity to noises might be an ADHD thing. I've always been irritated by sounds of chewing, hard typing, foot tapping etc., but thought it was a fairly normal response, but now I see that these might just not register as intensely for other people. So, while this was a bummer of an experience, it's also made me reflect on how grateful I am to have gotten this diagnosis, and I'm also kind of proud that I've made it this far in school considering that this used to be a near-daily occurrence for me. This was almost a WIBTA because I had seriously considered telling everyone to be quiet, but now it's just a rant. Thanks!

0adhd

(Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse) My therapist is telling me my abusive father was sexual with me : I’m just going to give examples of what I told her and I need some help verifying this. It feels like she’s right, but I can’t be sure really because I feel like I’m overreacting. So here’s what I said (tw?): • My father got strange pleasure out of tickling me nonstop until I was sobbing, screaming, and wetting myself. • My father used to slap my ass on the regular • I showered with him and slept in his bed until I was at least 13, and often he would sleep with his front against my back. • He would tell me about his sex life and make jokes referencing it • He gave me rectal suppositories as a young child even when I didn’t need them. He is a hypersexual, testosterone-ridden man who my mother and I feared for many reasons, but I have a hard time telling if what he did was sex-driven or if he was just cruel for no reason. I know a bunch of strangers on the internet can’t tell me any more about my father’s intentions than I can, but I need some opinions because I’m feeling lost.

7ptsd

I am my own hero today : I am currently quite unfit, and have neglected my physical health due to so very many anxieties and sensitivities around exercise. I planned to do a workout a couple of days ago. I didn't do it. I can't stand being observed as I exercise, and my husband was up earlier than I expected. So right now, I'm sitting on my lounge floor, slightly sweaty, slightly breathless, not injured or strained anywhere, having done 8 whole minutes of isometric activity, (TWO whole rounds of my workout!) I decided last night that I would start my day with exercise, and I did. I did not one rep, but two. I successfully hunted down a workout that would not trigger too many of my anxieties or sensitivities, and I used it. I am my own hero today. 😊

1anxiety

This hurricane has left me helpless. I don't know what I'm gonna do. : Staying less than a mile from my house at my brothers. I've heard my apartment flooded and I've heard it's fine. My head and heart are racing. Being so close but can't get there because of the massive river running down the main road. If my apartment flooded that means my car is also flooded. Still have 4 days more of this gonna try and hike to my place tomorrow. Don't know how to control my anxiety when it's this bad. God bless

1anxiety

I’ve just failed a test for the 7th time in a row, pretty blue rn : Just failed one of my tests for the 7th time now, each time I keep getting a lower score, it’s not even a hard test, everyone around me finishes way before and I’m just left behind. I don’t know if I am depressed or I’m just feeling down, but lately I’ve been feeling like this a lot. I don’t feel suicidal but I feel like if I was in a car crash or I got hit by a bus I honestly feel like I wouldn’t careless. Sorry for this post. I just needed somewhere to vent

4depression

I wrote a poem... : For once in my life can I please find someone who cares? Someone who walks in, understands and stays there Someone who sees I’m broken and cannot be repaired Someone who is willing to stand beside me and help me bear This fucked up life and skin that I’m forced to wear I did not ask to be born this way in this nightmare In this life full of pain and despair Why can’t someone answer my prayers? Walk into my life, hold me tight and make me theirs For once in my life can I please find someone who can help me? Someone who can see past the fake smile and see that I’m on my knees Can people stop standing around watching me drown in this sea? Of denial, hate, abandonment and tragedy For once in my life can I be carefree To run around and hurt people like they did me? No, for that is not who I am you see I am like the good ol oak tree I give you shade, a place to rest when you need me And then you can chop me down and be free Move on to the next, bigger, beautiful tree While I lay there like an amputee Who had no say in the matter or choice of any degree? I did not choose this life and soon everyone tires of me

4depression

My ideas are already done : Dear NTs, The reason you witness me impatiently diving into project to project, sometimes not even finishing the one I started before it is because our brains formulate ideas with so much clarity, detail, and assurance, for us they are basically already done. I just haven’t manifested it into the real world for you to see what only I can see. Sometimes, before I can finish what is for us a long and slow process to materialize those ideas, we’ve already come upon a new idea even more exciting than the first. Our brains aren’t superior or inferior to yours but they sure as hell are faster. That’s either a blessing or a curse depending on the flavor of ADHD you’re dealing with. I wish you the best of luck in understanding this.

0adhd

Struggling with physical touch, especially when it comes to family memebers : Does anybody else feel almost revolted sometimes when someone touches you, and it can even be the slightest physical contact like accidentally bumping into a person. It doesn’t happen all the time, because I do occasionally enjoy hugging and cuddling with friends, and I know I struggle with craving physical affection most of the time. But when it comes to family members, with very few exceptions, it’s a different story. Whenever a family member touches me, like for instance if someone gives me a hug or holds my hand or whatever, my skin always ends up feeling like it’s crawling and burning and I feel the need to just scratch my skin until it’s raw, the need to remove their touch from my skin. And I always feel so guilty whenever this happens because I know most family members don’t mean any harm by it but I don’t know how to prevent myself from feeling like this. Sorry for the lowkey graphic description btw, but I just wanted to know if anyone else relates to this or if it’s just a me problem? But I also know this 100% might be trauma related. edit: thank you all so much for all of your responses and for sharing your own personal experiences, i’m really grateful for the reassurance that i’m not alone in this. thank you guys.

3bpd

Does anyone have tips for learning to feel things again? : I don't think I feel much. I mean I feel emotions on the spectrum of "bad" to various degrees of course but there are a lot of feelings I should have that I'm lacking. It's like I start to feel the other things and then it just stops. There have been a few times over the last two weeks when it's felt like I've "woken up" for a couple seconds and it's been horrifying and overwhelming. I dissociate like it's my day job and I understand this to be a symptom of that. Does anyone have any advice for increasing my tolerance for these moments so I can start to feel properly again? I can't even call up those moments on command. I wish I could. I think it would be a release.

7ptsd

Feeling the Burden of BPD : I am exhausted. I read a comment on Reddit regarding people with BPD, saying "people with BPD are dangerous to be around/to others". That we don't deserve it for who we are. And that we would be lucky to make progress if we attend therapy 3x a week for 16 years. And that we are so destructive that we can't be around others, at all, until we recover. And that most people don't recover. This comment was came out of the blue. I didn't finish reading the comment, I immediately broke down in tears. For the first paragraph of demonizing people with BPD, I didn't want to see what else that they would be necessarily right about. Because they're not wrong. And that is why I feel so disheartened, and want to give up on trying to be better. We endure so much pain, and didn't get to experience love and belonging, (a decent chunk of us). This is why we don't share our diagnosis with others. This is why I feel I am a terrible person who is bad. And why I don't want to attend therapy, because recovery feels impossible, and not worth the trouble for my therapist or myself. I want to have a fulfilling life, with the people I love and care about, but with the stigma, I feel I don't deserve anyone or possibly anything. And we will likely never be seen as anything else, or for what goes through our mind and what we have had to endure. I am feeling unlovable. I am feeling that I don't deserve to be around others/make friends/be in love. I am feeling that I am a destructive person with no other traits aside from my BPD symptoms. I feel that everything that I was forced to experience is my identity. And that hope is nowhere to be found, and I am a dangerous person who can't dare to be in the same vicinity as others. People see only pure evil. We wish to not harm others, we wish to be better. And I can't tell people my diagnosis, what I experience, what I have done... for I will be seen as the world chooses to see us. And the stigma that I feel I will never escape. I am seeking support. I want to hear your experience, and how our stigma makes you feel. I need to know that my whole identity is not being a bad person.

3bpd

Does anyone else feel like their destructive side is the true them? : I’m in a downward spiral and trying really hard to not lash out at anyone or tell them how I’m feeling in hopes that it will pass. But deep down I feel like the side of me that wants friends and relationships is fake and the side of me that wants to crush everyone emotionally is my real self. I let myself go and unleashed on someone and I regret it. They don’t deserve me but they also probably don’t deserve to hear the things I said, no matter how true they are. It felt so good. I felt like myself for a minute and then it’s like an addiction and I just want to destroy every relationship I have because they disappoint me.

3bpd

fear of missing out : i’m an 18 year old girl and i am missing out on so much because of my mental health issues and it hurts so badly. i’m in my second year of college and i’m seeing everyone else living such full, exciting lives with people they love - partying, socializing, dating - while i can barely manage to leave my room most days. i can’t connect with people like everyone else does and this is what hurts the most. aren’t these the years when i am supposed to be making lifelong friendships? isn’t this supposed to be the most exciting time of my life? i feel like i’m missing out on a real college experience. i am so unhappy with how things are going so far. sometimes i think i just need to take a break, get some therapy, then start anew and have the normal experience i’ve always dreamed of. but i don’t know if reality works that way. maybe i just need to accept that my years in university will always be a bad memory and suffer through it for the degree. i don’t know what to do.

4depression

I vacuumed my room : After procrastinating for a whole month, letting my carpet build up 4 weeks' worth of dust and ignoring my body's sneezy protests, I finally did it. I didn't want to vacuum because the vacuum cleaner provided by the dorm staff is huge and bulky and takes a while to setup. Also it STINKS. It made my entire room smell musty. It's disgusting. But the need for a clean floor overcame my fear of the vacuum cleaner and I finally did it. Side note, I got myself a stick vacuum cleaner that can also be cordless (basically a dyson ripoff because I am just a poor student who cannot afford dyson). I'm done with this big bulky piece of shit.

0adhd

My mom told me that I use my anxiety as an excuse to control people : We were watching a TV show that has dark themes (You) and I started to feel like it was making me uncomfortable so basically said that I felt nervous and we stopped watching it. My sister went to her room to watch her own show and my mom suddenly told me that we need to talk about my anxiety because it has seemed so much worse lately. She said that I'm really manipulative and controlling by using my anxiety to change situations for my benefit. This was really frustrating to hear because I'm just trying to feel okay. I've been having more anxiety lately because a lot is happening right now and I get easily overwhelmed. I don't rudely ask people to change big things for me, but if I don't want to do or see something that heightens my anxiety then I say so. What's the other option, to make sure everyone else is happy even though I'm panicking? I just hate when people have called me selfish for trying to take care of myself in small ways.

1anxiety

I spend so much time thinking about a sphere : Curious if this is a familiar experience for anyone: I have persistent intrusive thoughts about a 3d model of a sphere. I feel like I have to visualize and model it on a mental graph, split it into different symmetrical sections, view it from different angles, picture moving arcs that make up its dimensions, etc. When the thought pops up, I find it nearly impossible to dismiss. Sometimes it will run in the background while I'm having other thoughts or conversations, other times it will be sufficiently aggressive to preclude thing about other things. Does anyone deal with something similar?

6ocd

First EMDR tomorrow, spouse unable to be supportive : My husband and I got stuck in a negative cycle of communication that has resulted in him cutting himself off from me both physically and emotionally. We still are in the same house, same bed, and both active in raising our child, and have tabled all talk of divorce until later to give us time to try to work this out. The past few months of this have sent me into a PTSD spiral. I have had so many emotional flashbacks and negative thoughts paired with a severe fear of abandonment. I just want him to hold me and give me comfort, but he needs space and thinks I am needy and weak. Meanwhile, I have started therapy and have my first true EMDR session tomorrow. I am terrified. I want to know that he can be there for me when I get home if I am in a raw state or if I have nightmares, but that's not a thing he seems capable of doing right now. That's adding even more anxiety to my situation and I could really use any advice or suggestions to keep me calm through tonight and tomorrow (should it be difficult). My mother has offered for me stay at her house tomorrow, but I am also afraid that the different environment wouldn't be good for me either. I have my "safe space" and my "protector" and my "comforter" all activated, but I really just want some beer and cuddles and, for just this once, to not completely lose my shit.

7ptsd

Pls help haha : Ya know how when you're in highschool you have to figure out what you wanna do for the rest of your life? Not literally of course but like choose a university and whatnot? Yeah well i feel like trash for not knowing what i want to study at uni or which uni i'd go to, or even if i wanna go. I've had depression for 4 years (probably longer though because abuse fcks you up as a kid apparently) and i'm so frustrated that literally nothing interests me. I just wanna have something to kinda hold on to, that won't become boring or tiring before i even try it. And most of my classmates already know what they want to study/where they want to work and that stuff but i literally have no idea. Nothing seems appealing. Everything is pretty much the same, i don't really care if i end up working at mc donalds or something like that, but i don't want to be even more of a disappointment. Please, if anyone has been in a similar situation please give me some advice,..

4depression

I don’t want to work. I want to focus on my mental health. : I’m just not happy. I’ve started taking Zoloft (25mgs) recently for anxiety, depression, and ptsd. I wish I wasn’t working while I’m now trying to get my mental health better. I just got a job at harkins. I’ve only worked about 3 times. And yes the people there make it bearable. The work can be pretty hard but it’s alright. But I’m not happy. I don’t want to work when I feel like this. I have an anxiety when I have to leave my car and go in. I just overthink everything when I’m working. The last 3 days I’ve been feeling depressed. I’ve just been not wanting to do anything. I just want to lay in my bed and sleep. I’m exhausted from doing nothing. Before I got my job my mom said maybe it’s best to put myself first and not work. Then I got a call that same day for an interview at harkins. I told my mom and she said I should do it. I’m only working there to please my mom, my stepdad, and basically my whole family I guess. I was a nanny and they said it wasn’t a real job. They said I need to go out and get a more social job. But I didn’t want too. I’m just not happy right now. Sorry I need to get everything off my mind.

1anxiety

"You don't have that" : Is this something any of you ever experience? People downplaying? Like totally aware of all my past trauma yet finding excuses for reasons it cant possibly be affecting me now? Trying to find all the reasons I'm normal and strong and how this couldnt possibly be it. Like you know I've had multiple traumatic experiences yet you think I'm perfectly fine and anything that pops up now isn't really real or worth thinking about like I can just turn it off? There were periods where I was going through multiple traumatic experiences at the same time in the same year. Like how could that possibly NOT affect me later on? Lately I've noticed my memory issues and random emotions popping up Is there a word for this

7ptsd

Does anyone know how to stop yourself from spiraling? : I was happy and okay just two days ago. I promised myself I wouldn't fall into the same feelings and thoughts but here I am. I can feel it happening, how do I stop it?

3bpd

Is there hope? : I found myself coming here because I no longer find it helpful to pretend my BPD vanished when it really hasn't. I was diagnosed with BPD 6 years ago by a good psychiatrist, but my DBT therapist believed overtime that I was "too understanding" to have BPD and that I only had BPD traits. I took it seriously, and completely discarded any concept of BPD for years, including any of my DBT practice. Instead, I focused on healing from my complex trauma with a new therapist. However, even with the EMDR that I'm doing with my trauma therapist, I still find myself absolutely insane when it comes to relationships. I'm tamer than I was a few years ago, yes, but I know that I'm extreme and cause a lot of pain and drama in my relationships. I have a very hard time not sabotaging them, because I simultaneously desire closeness but fear it so deeply. I keep pushing everyone away and then reeling them back in. I can't seem to stop, no matter how much self awareness I gain. I've been depressed for so many years, and I'm becoming increasingly more suicidal again when I thought I'd gotten over this crap. Is there hope for me? I feel broken beyond repair.

3bpd

Why are breakups harder when you have bpd? : I'm diagnosed and for some reason I find that my friends are able to get over breakups easier where as I'm on the second month and I still feel as bad as the first day w constant crying and lurking on his social media.

3bpd

I hate it when people compare/rank conditions : I was speaking with a lawyer yesterday (not going to say what for because it's not relevant) and they asked if I had any health conditions and I said yes, bipolar and they said oh so you have health issues. I said yes. Then they asked if the other person had any health conditions and I said yes, Asperger's syndrome. The lawyer responded with "oh they've got the more severe condition" and it was so upsetting like wtf? My bipolar is actually more debilitating for me than this person's Asperger's is for them at the moment? But both our conditions are valid, why do people feel the need to rank things like these?? Do you all ever experience this sort of thing and how do you respond to it if so? I just sort of ignored it but felt bad about it and not sure if I should have said something.

2bipolar

Don't be disheartened if you don't experience the "this is what it feels like to be normal" feeling when you first start meds : I see a lot of "omg, I finally know what it feels like to be normal" posts after people start meds, and that is awesome! I am heartened to read people are getting the help they deserve, but the flipside is many people don't experience this, including myself, and seeing those posts confused me. The first medication I tried didn't work for me; it made me feel *worse* than I did without medication. I thought it *should* work, so I pretended it did for a year before finally telling my doctor it didn't. I then didn't do anything for another 9 months. I finally inquired about trying another medication in March this year, and I've found one that works well. It turns out I wasn't broken beyond repair; I just hadn't found the right medication *for me* the first time around. There are *heaps* of different medications out there; your GP/psychiatrist can help you find the right one!

0adhd

Spiraling thoughts : I've been lurking on this subreddit for quite some time because it makes me feel less alone. My thoughts spiral so badly on my rough days that it begins to lock up my body, causing an inability to even move to do something else (even things that I love to do!) to divert my attention from my thoughts. I sit in silence and sink on those days. I've been trying to be more aware and fight but the rough days outweigh the good days so far. I can't stop thinking and it takes such an effort to battle my thoughts that I am so exhausted by the end of the day. I hate that I scrutinize my every thought and wonder if I'm a bad person when I know I'm not. I know that I'm not alone because I do have people around me that care about me, but I can't explain to them how much I'm struggling because they don't understand, to no fault of their own. I know that I should be actively getting help but I obsess over the "what ifs?" so badly that I can't convince myself to seek professional help. It's bittersweet to know that there are others out there that have brains like mine; it's a relief to know that I'm not alone in this, but I also wouldn't wish these struggles on even my worst enemy. Thank you all for posting your experiences and being so open. It's uncommon to find IRL, and I truly hope that one day there will be more awareness regarding mental health so that help can be more widely available for all of us. Side note: I've spent more time rewriting and studying this post than should be necessary. Fuck you OCD.

6ocd

Recommendations for history-focused podcasts? : Hey all, I've been wanting to scratch my history-itch for a while now but with my commute I don't have a ton of time to sit down and read. Are there any podcasts you guys would recommend for an interesting history discussion?

5none

People talk way too slow. : I have to watch all videos at 1.25x or 1.5x speed. If I watch at normal speed it’s just agonizingly slow. That’s one benefit of online classes for me, I can watch my professors’ lectures sped up and can actually pay attention. I can only imagine how neurotypicals feel listening to me talk.

0adhd

I had a problem with my computer yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. : Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again." Eric grinned .... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down,' he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote down: ID10T I used to like Eric, the little bastard!

5none

An aha moment I probably should have had years ago : I was diagnosed a few years ago and did a year of DBT skills classes and have a great therapist I’ve been working with for 2 years. We don’t ever talk about the diagnosis and we kicked the self harm habit (14 year old habit, over a year clean!). I read a lot about bpd and FPs and I *just* put all the pieces together. All of the failed relationships and intensity, jealousy and envy and hatred. These overly personal, mood controlling relationships with these people that sometimes I barely even knew! FPs! The need and desire to accommodate and feel so adored by someone, the pain and the euphoria. These people I obsessed over and then cut from my life. I feel silly but it just feels like it all makes sense today as I go through each failed friendship and relationship in my head! I just wanted to share this with someone. I wish I had friends.

3bpd