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mavinsao

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The amazing life and career of American WWII hero Audie Murphy. : I have composed an imgur album detailing Audie Murphy's life: http://imgur.com/a/68SyGi0 Here's a TDLR: Audie Leon Murphy (20 June 1925 – 28 May 1971) was one of the most decorated American combat soldiers of World War II. He received every military combat award for valor available from the U.S. Army, as well as French and Belgian awards for heroism. Murphy received the Medal of Honor for valor that he demonstrated at the age of 19 for single-handedly holding off an entire company of German soldiers for an hour at the Colmar Pocket in France in January 1945, then leading a successful counterattack while wounded and out of ammunition. Murphy was born into a large family of sharecroppers in Hunt County, Texas. His father abandoned them, and his mother died when he was a teenager. Murphy left school in fifth grade to pick cotton and find other work to help support his family; his skill with a hunting rifle helped feed his family. After the attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941, Murphy's older sister helped him to falsify documentation about his birthdate in order to meet the minimum-age requirement for enlisting in the military. Turned down by the Navy and the Marine Corps, he enlisted in the Army. He first saw action in the 1943 Allied invasion of Sicily; then in 1944 he participated in the Battle of Anzio, the liberation of Rome, and the invasion of southern France. Murphy fought at Montélimar and led his men on a successful assault at the L'Omet quarry near Cleurie in northeastern France in October. After the war, Murphy embarked on a 21-year acting career. He played himself in the 1955 autobiographical film To Hell and Back, based on his 1949 memoirs of the same name, but most of his roles were in westerns. He made guest appearances on celebrity television shows and starred in the series Whispering Smith. Murphy was a fairly accomplished songwriter. He bred quarter horses in California and Arizona, and became a regular participant in horse racing. Suffering from what would today be described as post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), Murphy slept with a loaded handgun under his pillow. He looked for solace in addictive sleeping pills. In his last few years, he was plagued by money problems but refused offers to appear in alcohol and cigarette commercials because he did not want to set a bad example. Murphy died in a plane crash in Virginia in 1971, which was shortly before his 46th birthday. He was interred with full military honors at Arlington National Cemetery, where his grave is one of the most visited.

5none

A traffic cop stops a man for speeding : Policeman: "Can I see your driver's license?". Man: "I don't have it, they suspended it for speeding." Policeman: "Can you show me the registration document of the car?". Man: "It's not mine, I stole it". Policeman: "You stole this car?". Man: “Exactly. But wait a minute, I think I saw it while I was putting the gun in the glove compartment”. Policeman: "There's a gun in the glove compartment?". Man: “Sure. That's where I put it after shooting the woman in this car and putting her in the trunk. " Policeman: "There's a CORPSE in the TRUNK?!?!". Man: "Yes, sir." After hearing all this, the policeman immediately calls his captain at the station. The car is quickly surrounded by the police and the captain approaches the car to resolve the serious matter: Captain: "Sir, can I see your driver's license?" Man: “Certainly. Here it is, as you can see it's valid”. Captain: "Who owns the car?". Man: “It's mine. Here are the registration papers, with my name written on them, do you see? ". Captain: "Can you slowly open the glove compartment and show me if it contains any weapons?". Man: "Sure sir, look, there's nothing, see?". Obviously, there is no weapon in the glove compartment. Captain: “Can you open the trunk slowly? I've been told it contains a corpse ”. Man: “Without the slightest problem”. The trunk is opened and it doesn't contain any dead bodies. Captain: “I don't understand. The policeman who stopped you told me that you told him that you didn't have a license, that you had stolen the car, that you had a gun in the glove compartment and that there was a body in the trunk". Man: “Really!?! And I bet that liar son of a bitch also told you I was passing the speed limit"

5none

I've been in bed all day : No motivation to do anything. Phone keeps giving me notifications, just Twitter pushing popular tweets. Hoping it's somebody but it never is. Upsetting. No desire to do anything

4depression

People dislike me because I'm quiet and nervous at 28 : I'm the type of person who really struggles to speak to people I don't know. Im sort of okay with my family and close friends, but otherwise I just can't do it. I stutter, panic, can't say names, and struggle with eye contact. However I'm getting okay at "Hi you okay?" Which is all I've been saying to anyone in my job for about 8 months now. I'm by myself most the day, but were an open unit in a small shopping center where everyone is close friends. The cleaners and security walk past (there's about 5 of each who do patrols) At first they all smiled at me, said good morning, and we had the usual "you okay, yeah you?" Every day. However now four of them who used to say hello are full on ignoring me. I smile at them when they pass, and they look then turn away. Thought I was imagining it at first, but it's been happening for about 2 weeks and its every time we pass eachother, and it's the same four people, and they are close friends. One girl I was really starting to like - because she called me by name and smiled every time she went past - completely blanked me today. It hurts because they look at me to let me know theyve seen me, then turn away. I think they must be fed up of saying hello each day and because I'm too quiet they see it pointless to even try and make friends. Even though all they say to me is "hello" as well. It sucks and it's so unfair. I would never get bored of saying hello to them. I dont get what's happened.

1anxiety

Any advice on how to get high school child to do daily assignments? : My child ended up in an intensive outpatient program and is doing online school through the district’s home hospital program atm. He has depression and anxiety which he is being treated for, and possibly ADHD (I am diagnosed with ADHD). The problem he’s having is that he has a hard time doing his work. He’s supposed to work 2-3 hours a day but some days he doesn’t do any work at all. They even removed him form AP classes so now the work is easier for him. But he just gets frustrated and depressed and shuts down. Procrastination has always been an issue and that’s how he was able to do his assignments. But now the only thing that seems to be motivating him is seeing the red “late” marks. He was able to finish last semester because I had a two week vacation and I’d sit with him and read to him/discuss and he finished during the holidays. Now with me working again and his 3 hour IOP program we are finding that difficult because by then it’s night time and he’s tired. Any advice on how to get him to do his assignments daily? Thanks so much

0adhd

Just woke up in the middle of the night with anxiety regarding my age and my life : It's the middle of the night, I'm lying here alone in the darkness of my hotel room.It just hit me that I'm 33(m) now. Being gay and still single, I feel so old and like my life is behind me. Where did all the years go? Why am I so unhappy with my life? How can I get out of this spiral of depression (tried everything...therapy, meds, exercise...)? Life is going to be downhill from now on and I'm not ready for it. Don't have the energy to face the rest of my life. I want to end it.

1anxiety

What companies have a horrible history? : I know it will be most large companies but I started thinking of this question after watching the documentary, the corporation. From Hugo Boss, IBM and Coke's orange Fanta profiting off of the Nazi's to the United Fruit Company, what are some companies with a bad history? I want to try and avoid these companies as much as possible (if possible, haha). Thank you!

5none

Does anyone else feel like they're playing "Russian Roulette" with caffeine? : For me it's totally hit or miss. I can take it and feel great OR I can feel anxiety come on stronger than the stench of microwaved fish in the break room. Is there any way to find consistency? Maybe the sources of caffeine, say coffee versus soda? The only time I can truly tolerate caffeine is before my workout. I can take it relatively safely and feel fine. But if I'm sitting around or at work... It's like Russian Roulette with caffeine.

1anxiety

Fear of getting a job : I graduated last year and finally got my diploma, I have social anxiety and feel overwhelmed easily. I don't want to live with my parents forever so I know I have to get a job eventually. Did any of you guys get over this fear? Or any tips?

1anxiety

Does anybody want to be friends? : I see a lot of posts about everyone saying they’ll feel like they don’t have anyone other than their fp, and some say they don’t even get support from them that they need sometimes. I was thinking we could all just be each other’s friends since we know what each other are going through. Sorry if this is a weird post lol

3bpd

What's Your OCD Story? : Hello everyone, Firstly, I'd like to introduce myself as I am new to Reddit, (Signing up wise..) Anyways, My name is Javid and I am diagnosed with severe OCD. I never really considered posting my battle with OCD on a forum but hey, why not give it a try? Here goes... I was 13 years old when I started to know something wasnt right with me. The day my OCD finally triggered inside of me I was out camping with my family. I remember my dad bought me a slingshot for the trip and I was out in the woods looking for something to fling with it. I finally found a rock and slung it across the woods. I remember hearing, BUT NOT SEEING a big "THUD" And for whatever reason the second I heard it I felt really anxious for some reason. I remember later that night thinking to myself "What if I just hit somebody with that rock I flung?" "Nooo that's impossible that's so irrational to think" Little did I know that was an intrusive thought caused by my OCD that I didnt even know existed in me at the time. I went out in the woods to look for said "Person" but to no avail, Nothing was there. Fast forward a month later of my OCD getting worse. I finally decide to tell my mom what's going on inside of my head in November 2013 (Keep in mind I have NO idea what OCD is so I honestly thought I was insane) My mom chalked it up to be OCD (She's a nurse) and I was scheduled a doctors appointment to find out for sure. Sure enough, I was diagnosed with Anxiety,Depression and OCD. Having all of those diagnoses come at you at the same time was mind numbing. I couldn't think straight. I was put on meds and still continue to take them to this day. Let's get into some of my rituals,obsessions,etc. for me, my OCD comes in very bad episodes and sometimes revolve around certain things. I've experienced HOCD, (Homosexual OCD: The fear that you may be gay,questioning your sexuality/dwelling on past experiences as a child. I've also had Germ OCD during the first onset of my symptoms. It's a lot less revolved around germs now but back then I was horrible. I would wash my hands until they were bleeding and cracked open from being so dry. I would take almost 3 showers a day. I would sit for HOURS on the computer looking up medical conditions scaring myself shitless over diseases. And if I came by a symptom that I was having I would automatically think that I had that disease and was 1000% sure I was going to die. I would also ritually clean everything in the house,double check to make sure the stove is off,etc to make sure that me and my family is safe from any harm. I've also experienced ROCD, (Religious OCD: The fear of offending God,Fear of going to hell,etc. I remember I could barely do anything with my life because I was completely petrified of offending god and going to hell. Those are just a few things about my battle with OCD. Fast forward 2019, I am now 18 years old and I have gone to numerous psychologist,therapist,etc. And only one in particular helped me. I was told that my thoughts were very irrational and was given ways to try and deflect the thoughts from entering my thoughtspace. My OCD is still there but it is now much more manageable. I've only had a couple episodes recently where my anxiety was through the roof and my OCD was triggered very badly. But usually after a week of dealing with the episodes I start to get better. Thank you all for listening, And remember, Your NOT ALONE! It's all an irrational thought pattern. Atleast for me. Replies are open!

6ocd

Embarrassed myself the millionth time . Rushed to work for a literally shitty day : I arrived to work about 30 minutes early and used the bathroom for about 20 minutes due to an upset stomach. Looking At the clock and rushing to finish and clean myself up to sign in. I absolutely hate being late so I rush to make sure I’m on time. Even though, I know it’s not the end of the world. I made it to work on time for our safety meeting without somehow not noticing that got shit all over my ass and overalls. Everyone sees it and probably smells it. Finally someone tells me and i try to clean it off and changed into some spare clothes on my break. All day had to hold it in holding back tears, while some made jokes about it all day. Beating myself up for always rushing no good reason and doing stupid things /embarrassing myself. I’m 32 years old and feel like a child trying to be an adult.

0adhd

I’m giving up. : I’m going to kill myself. I can’t take this anymore. I was doing so much fucking better lately, and just like a snap of a finger, I am disassociating harder then I ever have before. It comes out of nowhere, when I’m having an other wise good day. No anxiety or depression but out of nowhere I get extremely disassociated. I am so scared right now. Nothing feels real, everything feels fake, I’m just in a stare. There no way fucking out of it. Drinking makes it worse, nicotine makes it worse everything makes it fucking worse. It’s ruining my relation ships, its ruining my life it’s ruining me. I’m going to kill myself I can’t take this anymore. I can deal with the depression, the insomnia and the anxiety, but I can’t deal with this. Edit: thank you all for the kind reply’s. I had a good long frustrated cry, and talked about what was going on with my girlfriend. And I snapped out of it. It’s been the first time I’ve cried in along time. I think that is the biggest issue of mine I hold everything in and get very emotionally numb and I think that’s what’s been triggering the disassociation.

7ptsd

what is the risk of me getting prions disease from a five guys cheeseburger? : I have really bad contamination OCD around things like this and I just ate a cheeseburger from Five Guys. I was getting over my OCD obsessions about prions diseases but now they’re back. I’m in the UK btw- does anyone know what laws there are to prevent this or where Five Guys gets their beef from?

6ocd

It Gets Better : Growing up there was a popular YouTube trend in the LGBTQ+ community. You made or listened to videos that had the main catch phrase and theme that “It Gets Better”. I always took that phrase to heart as a closeted and bipolar teenager. I only hoped it would get better. Well, almost 10 years later of fighting internal battles and finally accepting my disability, it has gotten better. I just want to tell anyone who maybe struggling that it does get better. Stability takes a lot of work, commitment, and time. You can do this! You have to take it day by day and battle by battle. You cannot give up. Even if you feel like there is no other option. You deserve to live. You deserve to feel stable. Don’t give up! You can do this! If you need to be heard then comment on this post or just post on this Reddit page. The community is listening and cares!

2bipolar

Can't function on certain days : I guess this is mostly a vent, but I am SO extremely tired of just waking up some days and the best I can put forth is like 15% of what I know I could be doing. I took my medicine which is supposed to help stop this, I woke up on time, I drank water, ate, took a nap, and I tried drinking caffeine because I thought maybe I was just getting withdrawals. Literally NOTHING makes it even a slight bit better. I had to call into work today because I just couldnt make myself function. How in the hell am I supposed to be a human being and still complete the extremely long list of responsibilities when for no reason at all my brain just decides "I cant exist today goodbye." I'm just sitting here in despair and I can feel it on the edges of my brain. My reaction time is ungodly slow and I just can't form a single useful thought. I'm so extremely stressed and frustrated because it just feels like I wasted my entire day doing nothing. I know I'm supposed to be empathetic with myself but how the hell am I supposed to ignore the anger and frustration. I just want to curl up into my bed and die. I feel so absolutely useless and I can't even play games to escape like I usually do because I'm so unfocused that I can't play anything without failing or being so unengaged I forget what's happening. I'm just so tired of this. ​

0adhd

Does anyone deal with derealization along with their OCD? : I have had OCD about developing schizophrenia for the past like three years and it has really taken a toll on me. I find myself constantly aware of how I'm feeling, analyzing my memory and perception, etc. I find that I'm often dazed or that my perception seems almost a bit off. I've read up about it and it seems to be derealization. I am speaking with my doc tomorrow, but I was curious if anyone else on here has similar experiences. Any advice or tips and tricks to deal with it would be much appreciated. :)

6ocd

What is the opinion on 'The Dawn of Everything' by David Graeber and David Wengrow? : This new book is receiving wide praise for its reimagining of human history and I'm curious how it's viewed among historians, anthropologists and history laymen like myself. As it is harshly criticising the works of popular authors like Stephen Pinker and Jared Diamond, and is basically discarding much of the enlightenment as a worldview, I expect the book to come with bold claims and interesting arguments. However, a hundred pages in and I'm skeptical. The book seems more interested in ridiculing than offering something new. And the beliefs it purports to upend are not beliefs I've heard from anyone in the field (ie indigenous thought is "simpler" than Western thought). I'm left with the feeling of the authors furiously kicking in open doors and acting smug about it. I have admittedly not finished the book but I would love some further motivation to do so. Any thoughts on this? Am I missing something important?

5none

What I Wish People Knew About Panic Attacks : I've recently began experiencing panic attacks, so I thought I would write about it in hopes it may give insight to those who have never experienced them/ help those who experience them put it into words. [www.mildlylatina.com/journal/what-i-wish-you-knew-about-panic-attacks](https://www.mildlylatina.com/journal/what-i-wish-you-knew-about-panic-attacks)

1anxiety

After 1 year of job searching, i finally found one. tomorrow is my first day, but i don't want to go at all. Please, strangers of /r/anxiety, give me some last-minute inspirational words. : My heart is jumping out of my chest right now, I don't know if I would be able to sleep. Tomorrow I would meet so many people and attend orientation and networking events. Thousands of "what if" is popping in my head. "What if my team don't like me?" "What if I screwed up and everyone hates me?" "What if I trip and fall embarrassingly in front of everyone?". Please, if you're still up, give me some kind words, rational thoughts, things that make sense...to help me wake up and fight the battle tomorrow! Thank you :(

1anxiety

Medication Rant : I am SICK of being told "you only do this because of medication" Yea I only sleep, eat, clean, am happier with my meds, youre right. As if being medicated makes it not count or less than. You only see well with glasses, you only get around because of a wheelchair. WHO CARES about why so long as I am getting life done and not dead?!

2bipolar

Decided to all-nighter. It's 3:00 AM and I haven't accomplished anything so far. : I've gotten hardly any sleep in the past couple of days, and I know I'm probably not going to get anything done, but I can't bring myself to go to sleep in case a burst of concentration suddenly kicks in. My psychiatrist was supposed to send my report into my doctor a while ago and I was waiting to hear back, but I kept forgetting about calling and asking about it. I found out yesterday that for some reason it was never sent in. I've got shit that's due. But I don't know if I'll be able to make myself do it. I've been doing so good this semester and I don't want this to be my undoing. After doing nothing but fucking up my entire life, things were finally going good. Help.

0adhd

Weekly Success Thread: Share your victories large & small! : As I'm sure many of you already know first-hand it can be overwhelming even to do the "little" or "normal" things in life for those with anxiety issues. It's about time every one of us bragged about our triumphs big and small in our day to day life. This weekly post is all about sharing our victories - large and small. Because let's face it - for those of us suffering with anxiety issue it really is all about the little things. Success & victories large AND small happen all the time and these are worth sharing. Also, sometimes in sharing these moments of success, there is the added bonus of fellow Redditors - giving encouragement and hope. It helps to know that there are people actually beating this.

1anxiety

Did the Turkish admiral Kemal Reis really capture Malaga in 1487 during the Reconquista? : I've been trying to find infos on the involvement of Kemal Reis, send by Bayezid II to help the Nasrid population. His job did not seem to be to save them as the mamluk ottoman war was already mobilizing the Ottoman army, so he send Kemal as a small fleet to the peninsula. When cited, his actions are mostly said to have been involved in helping the local Muslims to flee to North Africa and the Ottoman Empire. However some places seems to also indicate military actions, which I cannot find anything on. What did Kemal Reis really do in Spain? Also, do we have more detail regarding the dates of those events, as well as infos on the fleet itself?

5none

Ever Referred to School/Work as Torture/Trapping? : I always felt like getting ready for school and being on time and doing everything right was just so tiresome and hard for me. I felt like a sack of tools being tossed around a routine schedule everyday and having life sucked out of me? Anyone else feel the same?

0adhd

Other person uses my BPD as a scapegoat for the emotional abuse they make me endure. Anyone else had similar situations? : Anyone else dealt with a relationship where once the person finds out you have BPD or you open up about past toxic behaviors, they use them to deflect and excuse their own shitty actions, and become abusive towards you? I know that of course I am not perfect, and while I am wrong and apologize often, a person in my life somehow got the impression that they can freely bring up the past we hashed out and forgave in an argument where it's irrelevant to avoid taking responsibility for themselves. They put the blame on me and rationalize it. It makes me feel crazy but they continue to do this to gain control, overpower, and shut me up. It basically makes it impossible for me to point out hurtful behavior without somehow winding up having to defend myself.

3bpd

BPD and BDSM (Please Help) : I'm a dom to a girl with BPD. I specialize in edge play and the more sadomasochistic side of BDSM. Inflicting pain, both psychological and physical, turns me on. However, I also am very strict about risk aware consensual kink (RACK) because lots of what I do is dangerous and can leave scars. Earlier this week I encountered a danger that I was not aware of until that moment. After our initial play time, I blindfolded my sub and put headphones on her with very loud music in them for sensory deprivation. I then tied her to a table so she could not move. After, I went to the another room and smoked a cigarette and played on my phone for a long time. I've done this to other girls countless times. Sometimes I get bored because the subs don't care that I'm gone. Sometimes they beg for me to come back. Sometimes they cry because they're scared. This girl started crying because she was scared, that was a totally normal reaction. She also started calling my name out, still totally normal. I'm always within earshot whenever I do this even though my subs do not know that. If they say their safe word I immediately stop the scene. Ive never had a girl say her safeword during this type of scene. This girl didn't say her safe word either, but I had to stop the scene. I've never experienced anything like this, and even though I get off on the pain and suffering of others, what she did really scared me. It wasn't crying or wailing. I don't know exactly how to describe it. I guess it was kind of similar to the screams a rabbit makes, louder, but still not remotely human. I could immediately tell that she was not stable and that she needed help. I ran in, took the headphones and blindfold off, held her closely while rocking her and saying, "I'm here, it's ok." The noise didn't stop for a good 2-3 minutes and I was really afraid that I was going to have the cops called on us, which is bad because technically bdsm is illegal. Even though she didn't use her safe word, I still accept full fault for my actions. I knew she had BPD and I did that scene because I knew it would hurt her. I'm a sadist and she's a masochist. After, she was telling all of her friends how fun that was, but I'm still personally not ok with what happened. That wasn't subspace that she went to, that was a full on psychotic breakdown. I do not want to do that or anything that can cause a breakdown like that again. Please, tell me anything that could possibly cause a psychotic breakdown like this because I'm not comfortable inflicting this much psychological pain. She is my favorite sub because she can take more pain than anyone, but this is where I'm drawing the line. I'm not sure that she knows what else could cause something like this, but I know that if she did know that she wouldn't tell me because she enjoys it.

3bpd

The tragedy of loving too much : My love for people is my greatest strength, as well as my worst curse. I'm mentally unable to avoid helping and caring for someone else. Heck, I actually tend to fall in love with every single person I meet. I guess it's what you end up becoming when you rarely venture outside your shell. Either that or a stone-cold hearted person... That being said, people around me tend to really appreciate my company and ever-present availability. I always do my best to accommodate their needs and fit myself to their liking. But I'm worn down. Though not from doing that, but because I often feel disappointed. I just feel it's not enough... At the end of the day, it seems like it doesn't really matter how much you do for someone, there's always something lacking. Always one step short of being actually loved back. And I'm not just talking about passionate love (though it's where it hits the hardest). I've realized that people don't seem to value love, or maybe I just give way too much credit to it... And no matter how many times I get told "you should love yourself first", I CANNOT DO IT. I need that someone that can give the same love I give them! Because I feel that in my entire existence I never really experienced that kind of genuine love. The kind that puts all the little things aside, the one that values itself above all else. As a consequence, my capability to love has been stretched way too thin, to the point where I am just too heartbroken to include someone else in my life, or to manage the ones I currently have for that matter. If you also feel like this, please let me know. I need that little hope that It can be found, or if this is pure madness of a frustrated soul. Thank you for reading this, you are just wonderful. EDIT: Thank you so much to all the people who expressed their empathy and let out their ideias. They gave me newfound strength, and I hope they give you too. I love you all for that!

4depression

Does anyone else get extra emotional around holidays and birthdays because of their ptsd? : I saw someone post about ptsd becoming more pronounced during holidays and birthdays, or something along the lines that ptsd was the reason they were so emotional around Christmas etc? I was just wondering, is anyone else in the same boat and can explain why this occurs, or how to deal with it?

7ptsd

Switched from Ritalin to Adderall and the difference is night and day : I've taken Ritalin for years and only recently realized that it was causing my anxiety. It also affected my moods and social skills. So I talked to my Doctor and he switched me to Adderall. And holy shit, it's so much better. I'm happier on it, my anxiety has gone way down, and it doesn't affect my social skills! So morale of the story, don't ignore side effects talk to your doctor about them!

0adhd

Why do people think ADHD medications are so bad for people? : I have a friend (that doesn't suffer from ADHD or ADD) who thinks that medication like Ritalin is incredibly bad for people, doesn't work, and I don't need it. He claims that his now retired grandparents who were psychiatrists or psychologists, I forget which, say that Ritalin is bad for people. Is this true? Is my friend an idiot because he forgets that ADHD meds are a controlled substance that have to be prescribed by a doctor? Is he forgetting that Ritalin isn't the only ADHD med, and that ADHD has a significant negative impact on my life?

0adhd

New therapist red flag? : New therapist red flag? I just got assigned a therapist through Better Help. She sends me worksheets, and YouTube videos which is good generally. But the first one she sent me was a Marisa Peer video. I can't shake this as not being a red flag. I'm a bit put off by a celebrity therapist with a huge marketing campaign. You can take her "classes" for thousands of dollars and be a therapist after a couple of weeks. It just screams sketchy/scam to me. I would be similarly concerned, for example, if my primary care doctor suggested Herbalife to me. Should I just let this one go because it was just a silly YouTube video, or would you feel the same? I really want therapy to work because my trauma really disturbs my day to day life and gives me nightmares

7ptsd

DAE feel invalidated and triggered when someone else talks about their negative feelings? : Ok this may sound so messed up, and I guess it kind of is? But I really want to know if I'm the only one who has this. Basically, when someone I'm quite close to rants to me or needs support (which, it's totally valid that they also need it!) I feel so invalidated that it triggers me. It's like, just because they're doing badly, it (in my head) invalidates everything that I go through. I'm in this constant competition to prove to myself that I'm valid. It's also a feeling of "oh, they don't really care about me I guess because they're talking about THEIR struggles when I'M struggling as well, so clearly I'm not important enough". I know this is super self-centered and I'm trying my best not to be like this but sometimes I just can't help but be this way. At times I've been SO triggered by such situations that it's caused me to split on the person, or relapse in self-destructive behaviors, etc... I feel so guilty and embarrassed and... idek. Like, I'm so obsessed with my struggles and needing attention and care and affection that I can't even be a good friend. I feel like an awful person. I was parentified as a child and often had to listen to (and comfort!!) MY parents when they had negative emotions, without ever feeling like I was heard, and it was almost like MY emotions never really mattered. So I guess I understand where this comes from and why it triggers me, lol, but why can't my brain understand that a friend ranting to me and my parents relying on me for emotional support ISN'T the same thing??? And yet it FEELS like the exact same thing? Anyway this is long but does anyone else feel this way? It's almost like the best way to feel somewhat okay is to just not talk to anyone, ever, including people I love, just to avoid being triggered. Man I hate being this way.

3bpd

I explained my meds in a way that my wife understood. : Sometimes I struggle to put a finger on exactly what it is Adderall does for me that makes life easier with ADHD, but it definitely helps. I've been without it for about a week because I didn't plan properly when I was going to run out. I just got my subscription refilled today, and I'm feeling very relieved to finally have it back. My sleep schedule has been going off the rails because I'm burning hot and falling asleep at almost random times, and I would have slept all day today if not for my meds. Even not considering the sleep, I just feel so much more peaceful than without, like I have a handle on things. I told my wife, "gah, I'm so happy to have my meds again. I feel so much better." She asked, "what does it make you feel like?" and I replied, "... it doesn't just make me do everything I need to do, and I still have to make the decision to do those things. It just turns up the resolution on my thoughts. I don't feel like I'm in a fog trying to figure out what to do next." And she said she understood what I meant. That was the most straightforward I could make it sound, and I'm pretty happy with the metaphor. To extend, I'd say it's like my thoughts are stars in the galaxy, and without my meds, I'm looking at them through a telescope with a smudgy lens. TL;DR: I told my wife my meds turn up the "resolution" on my thoughts.

0adhd

Thanks asshole : I have to work 16 hours today which is ass by itself. Went on break to walk to Wendys and grab some food. Waiting for my food minding my own business, i start tying my shoe when i get hit in the head by a half eaten burger. I kinda just stood there in shock thinking ‘wtf’. There was an upstairs to the Wendys which overlooked right where i was standing. I knew the group of trashy ass kids threw it. Wtf was i going to do im 5’11 130lb no way im gonna go start and win a fight against a group of people clearly bigger than me. I wanted to shout at them, but i just froze up. This on top of everything else im dealing with right isnt helping. Im angry, but more just depressed i let someone throw a burger at me and now im complaing to the internet about my shit

4depression

Get yourself a watch, so you stop checking your phone as often : We all know that when we look at our phone to check the time, we get distracted by notifications, and then get lost for far longer than we intended... So get yourself a watch and you'll look at your phone less often! Doesn't matter if it's a regular watch or a smart watch, as long as it's a watch!

0adhd

I don't think anything in my entire life has so negatively affected my self image like my desk job has. I want to learn a trade or something, but I feel trapped because my wife works part time from home to take care of our children. I am the primary breadwinner, they count on me. : I'm just venting. I hate my job, but I feel trapped here because it pays well and my family needs me. Recent skyrocketing inflation in food, gas, and housing prices have only exacerbated my dismay because now taking a pay cut for my mental health looks even more irresponsible and unfair to my family.

0adhd

Weird desire to self destruct? : I'm not really sure how else to put it. Does anyone else have some sort of underlying desire to self destruct? Like I don't want to actually kill myself but i'm not going to matter in life and everything is so stressful and exhausting so I might as well just drink alcohol and smoke weed and maybe try cocaine for shits and giggles. Nah, that's stupid, I should just stick to pot...or should I. My friends already got mad at me for getting high cause they think i'm self medicating, I mean cocaine is different than pot and I told them i'd stop smoking. Nah i'll probably just keep smoking. My friends won't find out. I mean I haven't even done it all that much yet. I mean everyone's going places in life and here I am fucking up my only opportunity to get out even though i'm trying so damn hard. There is so much pressure. Screw everything, i'm so damn depressed and fucking everything up.

2bipolar

Books to recommend about Second Sino Japanese War? : I am putting together an extended essay on the topic of "TO what extent did the second Sino Japanese War of 1937-45 contribute to the establishment of the People's republic of China in 1949?" I have been collecting sources, yet all I find are books covering the entire Chinese revolution. Would be appreciated if any historians help me out by recommending a book or anything helpful! Thanks.

5none

Silly Questions Saturday, January 18, 2020 : Do you have a question about history and have always been afraid to ask? Well, today is your lucky day. Ask away! To be clear: - Questions need to be historical in nature. - Silly does **not** mean that your question should be a joke.

5none

Doc asked whether I would prefer to be classified as bipolar or schizophrenic : I’ve had one episode of psychosis that resulted in me being hospitalized multiple times and delusions that lasted for a few months. I’ve never had any auditory or visual hallucinations. The first time I was hospitalized the psychiatrist thought it was a manic episode. Looking back, I definitely relate to grandiosity, etc. even though at the time I was really against being diagnosed as bipolar. Another doctor I saw thought it was unspecified schizophrenia. I had a pretty bad depressive episode that lasted for months and months after psychosis but my doc wasn’t sure if it was unipolar depression or possible a feature of bipolar. I guess this is just something I will have to find out with time, but in the meantime, is it better to be classified as bipolar or schizophrenic? I think this is only for my medical records but still

2bipolar

My girlfriend has BPD and I feel like it's getting better and better. : Hello guys, I know this isn't a question or anything but I feel like sharing my thoughts with you. I had a rough time with my girlfriend, we've been together for 9 months now and after the first all-happy time, it sometimes was a little like hell. We fought hard, we loved each other just to hate a few minutes later. Through this time I always loved her, but it was exhausting, we were on the edge of breaking up more than once. At the beggining I was emotionally unstable, too. We've overcome that. Together. And still we had a lot of problems. And now after 9 months, I can safely say that we've made huge progress. Especially her. I'm so proud of my girlfriend. Of course there are still a few problems to work on. She's still pretty jealous. But what previously would have ended up in a huge fight is now ended with a "Baby I'm just a little worried, I hope you understand. But I trust you". As soon as girls were involved and I was aways for a few days, you could be sure there would be some fights. Now we discuss her fears and I reassure her that she's the only one. I'm so happy that she's come that far. We've spent the whole week together and it was great. We finally booked our holiday and in 3 weeks we're gonna enjoy the sun together in Greece. I hope we keep going in the right direction.

3bpd

Crippling anxiety when around people that are drinking : Ive been dealing with this issue for about a year an a half now where if my gf or friends or family are drinking I cant handle it, I completely shut down then shut them out. Now I know its all irrational and just something I need to get past...but I just cant. Every time even if my gf is 300miles away I still get so anxious that i can barely do anything but worry and listen as my anxiety just takes off to the moon about what may or may not happen to her or my friends. Now some background to why this may be happening...I had a friend freshman year of college (currently going into my senior year) that I went drinking with him twice...and both times he almost died cause the first time i couldnt stop him from chugging beers even tho he set his limit at 3 due to medical reasons then the next time he took a bottle of vodka out of my freezer and chugged it again...seeing him both times laying on his bed and passing in and out of consciousness was and is very scarring to me. I do have an appt with a therapist in 3 weeks and I plan on finally tackling this but I need a little reasurancw now as my gf turned 21 yesterday and I do the same in 18days. Thanks guys and sorry for the wall of text

1anxiety

I cannot masturbate, or think sexually or even romantically anymore without it being infuzed with creepy shit I wish I never thought of or had : I swear I cannot masturbate anymore. The moment I start to try, I get the worst possible intrusive thoughts, different images with sounds that invoke involuntary responses, that blend themselves together with the desired responses. And all of these thoughts revolve around a close member of my family that I live with but don't have any relationship with and share a lot of unaddressed, indirect emotional baggage, that is at the core of why I get these thoughts. And they have been coming and going for a very long time, but recently, they just don't stop. I get a desire, maybe a pleasant thought, then I start to do it, and instantly, the creepy thoughts set in of this individual. The different creepy mannerisms of him that are part of the experiences tied to the emotional baggage and even trauma, which makes it very unnerving. And then I feel guilty about even having intrusive thoughts regarding a member of my family. But I can't stop these thoughts. It feels shitty and unnerving to even mention this. But they keep on coming, and ignoring them doesn't work. What eventually happens when I ignore them is they fuze themselves with me. And this is because the issue is outside of just ocd and is persistent. I hate this shit so much, I don't know how to get rid of these thoughts. But then I can't stop myself from doing it. Whenever I get behind my computer, I always end up kerking off, which is always a tirade of getting a pleasant thought or part of it, an urge, then starting, then the creepy intrusive thoughts and associations and their involuntary infuzing responses set in, then I stop and in fact it kind of locks down the experience. I cannot fantasize about anything. Only think of a piece of it, and try to go off on that, because by trying to fantasize, I end up getting more intrusive thoughts. And like I said, ignoring them doesn't help. But I have to do it. But then I stop. But then the thoughts clear, but then they come back. And this neverending tug of war, until I finally finish and feel contaminated, li,e as if I was doing it to those thoughts. And this happens at least twice a day now, and for about a couple of months. Though the problem of having these intrusive thoughts is almost a year old. And the same thoughts. It's just in the past they would come in intervals and then leave for a while and then come back.

6ocd

"You don't have friends because you expect everyone to leave you" : "It's not because you're shallow, or they're shallow, or because you are so different from everyone else that you can't connect. It's because you are afraid that they will discover who you are and leave you because of it. I promise you, though, that this is not the reality; it is just your brain trying to make sense of what has happened to you. You are so much more than you know, and if you let people in, actually, truly let people in, you will see that all the walls are keeping you from is connection. You are not a burden. You are a joy." ​ I was told this today and it really struck me hard. I wanted to share, in case anyone else might need to hear it too.

3bpd

Does anyone have mixed emotions on venting/trauma dumping? : I kinda have mixed emotions about it. I see a lot of people being really mean about people who "trauma dump" and vent and basically saying they want that victim validation or how ever you would call it and on the one hand I agree to an extent. But I also feel like there's a better way to say that? And I also feel like that's not the case in a lot of respects. But also like, some of those people are the same people that go on to say stuff like "why didn't you reach out to me?" When someone close to them is feeling down and it's uncomfortable. Because you already know their stance on that. I dunno I'm probs not explaining this well but it's something I've been thinking about. I usually only talk about my baggage to people I trust or when it's relevant and I guess I'm kinda worried they see me like that and that maybe I should start pulling inwards again. I dunno, just stuff I've been rolling around in my head.

7ptsd

Why is it up to me to look after everyone else when I’m the one that’s so fucking fucked up because of them?? : I know I’m fucked up. I have so many fucking conditions and traumas and medications and I go to therapy so often and I’ve been to hospital a bunch of times and I’m trying SO HARD. Of course I’m going to voice my traumas and feelings sometimes, I can’t really stop it. I need to be able to express myself and how I feel is fucking VALID. So why does everyone seem to get so fucking defensive when I try to reach out for help? Like, I’m trying to get better and you just want to take offence to everything I say and attack me for having feelings. No fucking wonder I’ve cut myself off from almost everyone and feel so lonely. I just need to talk sometimes but all the people that think they love and care about me the most are my biggest fucking tormentors and I can’t cope with it. I just want to fucking SCREEEAAMMMMM AHHHHH

7ptsd

Worse thing to hear when you are in a depressive state "Daddy can you play with me?" : My 5 year old tells everyone I am his best friend and if it wasn't for him I probably would have taken my life already. I love him SO much. About everyday he asks "Daddy can you play with me?" When I know I can't I have to tell him "Daddy is not feeling well" and he normally responds "Not again." It just happened a few minutes ago and I almost started crying. Fuck this illness!

2bipolar

Silent anxiety sufferers : Hi all, long time lurker on this sub - first time posting. I love this community and how supportive it is, and I love that there are other people just like me... I’m the typical make people laugh, makes jokes out of myself type person, I look calm, relaxed and appear “laid back”... if people only knew! I need to put on a showtime face a lot, and it’s much easier than dealing with my inner self. I need time alone to recharge and hobbies to keep my mind from spiralling out of control. But then sometimes it’s too much, and it can’t, and I’ll be sickly for a week (can’t get out of bed, exhausted, listless) but I bounce back. Is anyone else like this or am I a maniac?

1anxiety

I'm scared of being happy. Cause i know that after happiness comes sadness. : **I FEEL LIKE I FELL IN LOVE WITH MY DEPRESSION.** I'm fucking afraid of being happy cause everytime i feel happy, something bad happens and i feel like shit again. So i just like to stay sad and depressed and don't expect for something good to happen. people say that i'm pessimistic but that's just the way life is. i don't want to delude myself and hope for something good to happen . just ... FUCK LIFE!!!!!

4depression

Probably gonna kill myself when my cat dies : She's the only thing that matters to me. She's in good health but she is now 15. I know that's old for a cat. She runs and plays like a kitten, but eventually age will catch up with her. I feed her twice a day and we play string and I brush her every day. I plan my life around her. She is the chattiest cat I've ever met and we'll have in depth conversations. We understand each other. I think it just takes cats a long time, like 10+ years, to really have a solid understanding of human language and behavior. She's cuddling between my arms now. There's simply no reason to go on without her in my life.

4depression

Just had my first appointment with a new psych, after getting rid of my very inept, gaslighty therapist. She was able to officially diagnose me within half an hour and I'm starting Strattera tomorrow. : Feels like such a huge weight off my shoulders after years of hearing folks (from therapists to family to partners) that I just need to "be more motivated" and "just make more to-do lists!" To have someone hear me clearly, ask inquisitive, thoughtful questions, and take actually me seriously is...the biggest relief of my fucking life.

0adhd

remember the guy that posted here saying he's afraid that his girlfriend would leave him? well she left me : I feel nothing but pain, and the fact that I have insomnia and just makes it worst, I can't enjoy other things so I can't distract my mind from everything, holy shit I never wanted to die so bad

4depression

Tomorrow is the first time I will be far away from home in years. : Hi all, So I haven’t really been on this subreddit before, which sounds crazy because I’ve been dealing with anxiety all of my life. At age 7, I developed a panic anxiety disorder and severe OCD, then later came GAD and Agoraphobia. For those who are unaware, agoraphobia literally means “fear of open places.” However, the term’s real essence is a fear of panic attacks, and fear of leaving one’s comfort zone. As you can probably already tell then, it’s been a while since I’ve been far away from my home. Ever since I developed more anxiety over the years, it’s been harder to leave my comfort zone. I usually also find that I can’t go too far without a person I trust accompanying me, in fear that I’ll panic and have no one to assist me. But tomorrow I’m taking a big leap forward. My family is going to the beach, a 4 hour drive from our home, and this time I decided to come along. I’m so tired of letting my anxiety get the better of me. I want to live normally and make new experiences. I’m only 20 years old after all! Anyways, wish me luck please! I’ll be gone for about 4 days, so I’ll try to leave an update if anyone is interested (:

1anxiety

Recovered life is boring : Recovered life is boring. Day to day I sit at about a 5/10 on the happiness scale. No massive emotions, not stressed about loved ones abondoning me, couldn't tell you the last time I split on someone. It all just feels so mundane. Sure when I was really unwell I felt absolutely awful, but the highs were so high. The easiest way to describe it is using the happiness scale. When you go from a - 5 to a +8 that's a big difference; now if I hit an 8/10 happy it's only a net movement of 3 as opposed to a net movement of 16. I used to wake up and everything was a surprise; will I get through the day without some kind of emotional explosion. Will the toxic girl I'm dating do something crazy and set me off, maybe I'll forget my meds and lose the plot. Now I just get up and go about life, I'm not unhappy, I'm fairly content with life, making over 200k a year, great support net work. I just miss the chaos of my life.

3bpd

Looking for a reliable way to locate primary sources : Hey, so essentially what I'm looking for is a site or list that contains locations of primary sources. I want to be able to find a reliable source without knowing specifically what I'm looking for. Im also trying to make this post long so it doesn't get removed by the bot for the third time for being "too short".

5none

I bought food for a homeless lady only to be screamed at and it was scary... : Today I noticed on my drive to the mall a homeless old woman, she looked so dirty and sad. I coudln't get her out of my head and I wanted to do something good in my life, my mother when she was young would go to Wendy's or McDonald's and buy a couple dozen dollar burgers and hand them out to homeless people in need. I wanted to be like her, even with my social anxiety and depression. I went to a Wendy's right next to where the old lady was sleeping on the sidewalk. I bought 4 burgers and drove somewhere close to the sidewalk (kinda was far so I had a bit of walking since the sidewalk she lived on had no buildings close to it. Anyways I noticed she seemed to be sleeping under her blanket and I just said "hey" and like immedietly she flung her blanket off staring at me like a mad dog and started screaming super loud at me "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!" I was so terrified and anxious af. I just said "Hey hey, everything is okay I just got you some food.. do you w-want some food?" she just kept screaming so I backed up and told her I would just leave it on the ground and I quickly walked to my car. ​ I don't know how to feel, I'm still shooken up about it... this was not what I expected was going to happen : ( ... I kept looking back and the bag was still away from her.. I don't think she ever got up and ate it.... I guess I can never do anything right...

1anxiety

How did Rome win the Punic Wars? : (NOTE: My reasoning is based on my understanding on the subject. I am in no way anywhere close to being an expert on the matter, so it's perfectly possible that I made mistakes in what I said) By the time of the First Punic War, Carthage was better developed than Rome: it had a flourishing trading empire that controlled the fertile coasts of northern Africa, eastern Spain and Corsica, Sardinia and most of Sicily (while the Senate was limited to most of the italian peninsula); its army, even if made of mercenaries, was more professional than Rome's, which was completely built around volunteers from the upper classes, and had access to elephants (which some could argue were some of the most terrifying and effective war machines of Antiquity). Also, Hannibal wasn't exactly an incompetent general. Keeping all of these into account, how could Rome have won the wars? Of course, I'm not saying Rome itself was backward or underdeveloped, but it seems as if Carthage was the likelier one to win.

5none

How do you deal with the fact that you’ve treated people badly - that you have been a “bad person”? : I’ve lost friendships and by proxy more than a few people know about the destructive things I’ve done. Never anything violent or life ruining, but lying, manipulating, gossiping, talking shit. I’m working hard to stop those behaviors, have been on new medicine that’s helped. But still - how do you go on and make peace with the knowledge of what you’ve done?

3bpd

people have the luxury of staying away from the 'unstable crazy person w/ BPD' but that person is stuck with themselves forever : and it's not as shallow as 'that person is crazy' we have an almost unbreakable habit of unhealthy thought patterns in our head that we have to live with and learn how to manage or else it will literally kill us. i wish i could be like 'normal' people and have just 'typical' depression and anxiety, not a whole personality disorder.

3bpd

ADHD win: SURPRISE DONUT! : Got coffee and donut, put donut in my bag to head to office. Four hours later getting keys in my bag to head home...OMG A DONUT!

0adhd

Please help asap. I feel like I’m too honest // OCD Compulsion : I am way too honest about my intrusive thoughts with my boyfriend. We have been together for almost two years. The honesty is like word vomit that I always regret saying afterwords. I feel so anxious because I feel like I crossed the line so much more this time. I don’t know what to do. Please help I hate feeling this so much. I’m in so much pain.

6ocd

I hate having to pretend to be positive when I’m not. : I do everything I can to manage my bipolar but I still get so depressed. The shame of everything I’ve done and all the stupid mistakes i made while I was manic becomes too much. All of the time and years I’ve wasted being depressed and doing drugs to try to manage the pain. My health problems make it feel like it’s the end of the world. I’ve been trying so hard to make things right and some days it’s just like why am I even bothering if this is how I’m going to feel? I’m sorry if this is triggering for anyone who reads this I just don’t feel like anyone I know can ever understand how I feel right now.

2bipolar

[30F & 32M] I kicked my boyfriend of six months very hard in a confused state and he hasn't called or texted me back : I initially posted this to /r/relationships, but they told me to post here instead: Six years ago, I was attacked in my home. A man broke in and sat on the edge of my bed while I slept and waited for me to wake up. I think my life will always be divided into two eras—who I was before this event, and who I was after—but I have been trying very hard to make the best of things. I am living in a new city and have been attending therapy on and off over the past six years, but pretty consistently for the last two years. I have made (I think) good progress in therapy and have just begun dating again. My relationship with my boyfriend is new, but it's been wonderful. We make each other laugh, he's sweet and has lots of friends, and he's gotten me into all sorts of outdoor hobbies, which I feel has been really good for me. I told him about the attack early on but didn't go into any real detail. We have our own apartments, but I've slept over at his place several times. Two nights ago I invited him to sleep over at my apartment for the first time. We got Chinese food delivered and stayed up watching bad movies, and it was just a really good time. I fell asleep on the couch and he helped me get into bed and told me he'd join me as soon as he finished one more episode of the show we were watching. I was pretty much asleep at this point. And I guess when he came in to go to bed he sat down for a second on the edge of the bed to take off his socks. I woke up to the feeling of another person sitting on the edge of my bed, and it terrified me. Without even thinking I kicked hard in his direction and hit my boyfriend in the hip/side. It knocked him off the bed and seemed very painful. I didn't apologize right away because I was still panicking, but when I was able to calm down I told him I was very sorry, and he said maybe it was best if he slept at his own place. He got his stuff and left and I wasn't able to sleep for the rest of the night. The next day (yesterday) I texted him again that I was sorry for kicking him and asked him to call me so I could explain, because I didn't think it was a conversation to have over text. He didn't answer so I texted again telling him that the man from six years ago sat on the edge of my bed, and this has never happened before since and I didn't know it was a trigger for me. He texted back "I understand." and nothing else, and didn't respond to my good morning text today. Normally we text each other a lot so this is very much out of the norm. I am really worried that I just fucked this up irrevocably.

7ptsd

Being casually suicidal is like trying to play on invisible, unevenly spaced monkey bars. : I know that sounds weird. But hear me out. You're dangling, you know? And this isn't one of those playgrounds with those soft landings, no, you're crossing a damn gorge. Or at least, you've convinced yourself you are. You have no choice but to go forward, or you'll never reach the end and your arms are getting tired, so tired. You've got no choice. You can't see the bars, so you desperately hang on to one, frantically reaching in front of you to find the next, hoping that you don't fall or slip. Sometimes, you can't find the next one. It's too far. So you have to take a leap of faith and hope beyond hope you find one to hold onto. Ok, maybe I'm taking this metaphor too far, but it's something that's been sitting around in my head for a while. Each of those stupid bars is a reason you're clinging to, to not do it. Your boss is on vacation and you're short staffed, so you can't do it now or you'd be screwing your coworkers. You don't want your visiting niece to find you. You're not sure who would take care of your cat. You're on your period, so maybe this feeling isn't real. You've got to look for more bars, and sometimes they're hard to find, but there're there. I don't know where I'm going with this. I just feel pretty stuck right now and I'm holding on desperately to this.

3bpd

Can growth of cities in hot climates (e.g., Las Vegas, Phoenix, San Antonio) be correlated with advent of electricity and A/C? : I can imagine passing through a hot climate without electricity or A/C, but I can't imagine people settling there. I'm wondering if there was a spike in populations settling in hot climates after 1) spread of electricity and again after 2) invention of air conditioning.

5none

Postive stories, I think we all need it : I know a lot of this group is sharing our struggles, which is what we need sometimes. Lately, the journey has been quite grueling for myself, as I know all of you can relate. I was hoping to change up the pace a bit. We all fight very hard every single day. We're all worth the fight. So, what have you all accomplished even with this illness? How have you grown as a person and learned to better manage your symptoms? Just anything positive, please share!

2bipolar

Are there any remnants of the Byzantine bloodline? : A question I was wondering a long time. I studied Wikipedia, and have read some books, but all from the niece of last emperor, leads to end of Rurik dynasty in Russia, as the bloodline mixed there, with Ivan III. In late 16. century, the poles invade Russia, and manage to destroy the Ruriks, which led to election of the Romanovs as emperor family of Russia. However, I'd like to know, if there were any remnants who outlived the Ruriks. Thanks for all answers!

5none

Does anyone else feel the need to constantly stretch muscles? : I'm always stretching my arms, legs, ankles, wrists, etc. because it annoys me when they don't feel "stretched." Does anyone else have this problem or is it just me?

6ocd

Apparently the Aztecs were only around for 100 years before the Spanish came and wiped them out, how did they achieve so much in so little time?. : I had no idea that the Aztecs had only been around for 100 years before the Spanish came and annihilated them, but how could the Aztec's have built all the vast structures and cities and got this huge empire in just 100 years. To be honest it was probably less than 100 years because I imagine they had all the stuff there for a while before the Spanish came and ruined everything for them. How did they do it?. How did they get all that work done in a relatively short amount of time?. They could've been even more impressive if the Spanish hadn't come in and just destroyed all that work.

5none

Online classes and ADHD might be the worst duo ever : Is there anyone who has ADHD that can actually handle online classes? I mean what a disaster this has been for me. I’m going to lose my scholarships if I keep doing this and my brain still won’t give me the urgency to do work. It’s such a battle everyday. There have been several times where I slept at like 1pm-9pm simply to put off my work. I hate doing this battle every day, and what am I gonna do tell my professor I have adhd so I struggle to do work, ha like they give a shit. Could barely get a 2 week break when my dad passed last month. Sometimes I’ll actually have the mindset to open my work and as soon as I try to start it my brain turns to literal water. I can’t read anything or try to and comprehend information without being distracted. The only class I’m passing is my in person class. And even that class I don’t feel like showing up to half the time. Constant dread all day everyday and I never do anything about it

0adhd

Best TV shows for reducing anxiety? : I've recently discovered that watching Bob Ross: Joy of Painting is extremely therapeutic when I'm having anxiety. His voice is very calm and relaxing, like the ones in meditation guides, and he's always wholesome and positive. It's kind of like listening to a guided journey meditation but with images and art. Sometimes there's even cute baby animals. I know its kinda corny but it works. Most of the time my anxiety is not directed towards anything specific and I get pretty bad psychosomatic symptoms (vomiting, shaking, cold sweats/overheating) so regular anxiety focused guided meditations don't always help me. I feel like they usually try to guide you through letting go of certain thoughts and focusing on your body, but focusing on my body is usually how I escalated my anxiety in the first place and can put me in a nausea/vomiting panic cycle. Bob Ross works better to help take my focus outside of my body and distract my head with nice thoughts about nature. So basically I was just wondering if anybody else had shows that they watched when they were anxious and just needed to relax, so that we can all share ideas with each other and I can compile a little watchlist.

1anxiety

I don't feel like my trauma is significant enough. : I was diagnosed with PTSD a week ago, and I hate that what happened to me is milder than what other people go through, I dealt with some long term sexual abuse, physical abuse, abandonment, neglect, death and illness but none of it feels major enough. I feel like I'm using it as an excuse to be a worthless waste of space who deserves death.

7ptsd

Explaining to a non-adhd spouse what it's like. : Here's an attempt, I'd like to hear yours. I've bulleted it because I (we?) find it easier to read that way. --- You're sitting at the table alone one night, penning a love note to your wife, when **THWACK!** A stick flies through the open window, flicking through the curtain, and tumbles across the carpet. * WTF? Why would anyone..? * You go over to the interruption. You guess you'll throw the thing in the bin, or maybe back out the window. You pick it up. * Written on the stick are these words: **DON'T LOOK UNDER YOUR BED**. * Whoa. Is this a prank? Is it serious? And what... what is under there? * You nervously creep into your bedroom. In the dim light you can make out something under your bed. It's some kind of box. * Your trembling hands slide the thing out. The top of it is one of those puzzles with a picture broken up into sliding pieces. Above it is a ticking countdown: 1:30. 1:29. 1:28... * Holy crap. A bomb? A surprise? Who cares, you can't stop to think about that. You slide pieces like crazy, trying hard not to look at the countdown. It's a hard puzzle but you can see a pattern in it. The picture is a sailing ship. The last piece, its stern, refuses to slide over to where it belongs, but you manage to fluke it at 0:22. The clock goes black and the box clicks open. * Inside the box is a photo, printed on A4 by a crappy printer. The picture is of a little girl, maybe three years old. Her wrists have been bound with electrical tape and she's lying face down in someone's basement. * Wait, look at the picture's background. It's *YOUR* basement! * There's no time to find your phone and call the cops. You arm yourself with the first thing to hand, your bedside lamp. You've just reached the top of the stairs when your wife comes in the front door and asks what you're doing. * You try to explain, and her eyes glaze over at sticks and boxes and sliding things. In the end you just open the basement door. Bound up on the floor is a doll. * So she's looking at you holding a lamp and a doll and babbling incomprehensibly like this is all somehow important. Then she walks over to the table and loses it at you- you couldn't even *finish* writing a note to her? Your lamp is more important than she is? You obviously *just don't care*. You do, of course. You love her to bits. Good luck getting her to understand that.

0adhd

Can the fear of psychosis make you go into psychosis? : Hi guys. I’ve had this fear since the beginning of April and it’s completely taken over my life. I swear I’ve researched everything about it. I just feel so off and not myself. Can the fear of psychosis actually cause psychosis. I’m a fairly healthy person with no family history

6ocd

Can someone explain what therapy actually does? : My boyfriend has untreated PTSD because of a few traumatic events in his past (childhood neglect and sexual assault). He doesn’t really have intense flashbacks, but his everyday behavior, mood and feelings are strongly affected. He’s willing to now finally start a therapy more than a decade since the last traumatic event, but he doesn’t expect much from it and refuses to believe that it would change a lot. I have no experience with trauma therapy, so I’m very curious about how it works and what happens in a session. I’d also really like to know how it feels for a patient to relive the trauma and find a way to overcome it (or however the therapy works). Also, when does a trauma count as healed, and do the symptoms just fade away or can some stay forever? I want to learn as much as possible about everything related to PTSD, so just comment anything that might help me understand more.

7ptsd

I Want to Get Off Mr. Bipolar's Wild Ride : I'm just getting tired, and I feel like it's started to get to me more and more... Sorry if this isn't as long as my others...I just don't have the energy... I want to stop taking my medicine...It's making me feel like crap.

2bipolar

What mental illnesses run in your family? : My parents had a nasty divorce when I was 9. I know mental illness runs in my family genetically but was exacerbated by environmental factors. Do you come from a "clean slate"? If not, what disorders run in your family? Mom- eating disorder and depression Dad- not sure bc he wasn't around... But he obviously has issues if he ran out on his family and he's a compulsive liar Me- BP1 Sister- undiagnosed BPD (we believe she falls in Cluster B more specific Histrionic), she has been diagnosed OCD Sister- Eating disorder, depression, anxiety Although this looks like a lot.. My youngest sister and I have gotten professional treatment. We are doing a lot better but are trying to help the rest of the family (besides dad... He's out of our lives completely). First step in healing is realizing you have a problem. Does anyone recommend family therapy? This is all new to us as we have lived in the dark our whole lives. We want to move forward and be happy together. There is just a mound of issues that haven't been talked through.

2bipolar

A priest stands in front of his congregation holding 3 envelopes : He says "I hold in my hands three sermons: a £1,000 sermon that lasts 15 minutes, a £500 sermon that lasts 30 minutes, and a £100 sermon that lasts a full hour. "Now we'll take the collection and see which one I'll deliver"

5none

Just experienced a text book example of my ADHD : I'm scrolling through my phone on Reddit. Saw a post a little way down my feed that I thought "I'm sure I've already seen that". Look up at my laptop, that post is on the screen, because I was looking at Reddit on my laptop about 5 minutes ago before my phone got a notification...you know the drill from there. *Excuse the flair, nothing else really fit.*

0adhd

In America in the 50s and 60s, what was life like if you were Jewish? : To my knowledge, the Jewish weren't being discriminated half as much as other people at the time like blacks or homosexuals; hell, I don't know if the Jewish were discriminated at all apart from by white supremacists. But, in the 1950s and 60s, would being Jewish effect your employment, make you a target for hate or effect relationships with people in your life?

5none

My birthday is next week : My birthday is next week and the anxiety I have over this is overwhelming. I fucking hate my birthday. It only serves as a reminder of how much I despise my existence, how my dearest friends have constantly forgotten about it and made me miserable, basically how another year has passed by and I'm still a worthless piece of garbage. The worst part is my family being all lovey dovey with me and showering me with attention which I don't want. The second the clock strikes twelve I can literally feel the sadness in my heart growing ten times stronger. I remember last year I cried all day, yelled at everyone and basically ruined my entire family's day and mine because I wanted to be dead and they were making it worse. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I just want to cease existing.

4depression

There’s an unusual hospital : where one of the treatments involves the female nurses taking the male patients home and sleeping with them. For most of the patients, the treatment is very effective. But one day, into the hospital comes an odd patient who has the word “Shorty” tattooed on his penis. None of the nurses want anything to do with him. Days go by and the poor man’s health doesn’t improve. So finally, this one nurse feels sorry for him and brings him home. When she comes in the next morning, she is smiling and happy. The other nurses ask, “Why are you so happy? Weren’t you with the guy who has ‘Shorty’ tattooed on his penis?” “Yes,” she says, “but when he became aroused, it said ‘Shorty’s Restaurant and Pizzeria.’” “. . . established 1922.” “. . . orders to take out.” “. . . all baking done on premises.” “. . . ask about our party platters.”

5none

How viable is it to basically go off the grid? : Viable in the sense of could you live your life that way, indefinitely and also viable in a financial sense, like would you basically need a huge amount of money or a substantial amount of some kinda passive income to achieve it? I just can’t take it. I don’t want to be a part of society anymore. At least as much as I can avoid. I can’t hold down jobs because of my mental illnesses, I can’t go out and party and drink and have sex and friends and relationships like other people my age do because of how many conflicts it all puts in my head, I can’t stand constantly feeling trapped, like the walls are closing in around me by my financial situation, I just want to be free. Actually free. And the way I see it, the only way to actually be free in this world is to either be obscenely rich, which I’ll never be, or to just separate yourself from society. I’m just exhausted. I want to be alone. But it also feels like society tries hard to trap you in, make it feel like it’s impossible to live if you’re not a part of it and you don’t conform. But I’m constantly suicidal, I know if I have to do this much longer… well, there won’t be a much longer. I don’t know if escaping will fix anything, maybe it’ll make me wanna die more, but it’s the one thing I’m telling myself I have to try before I’m allowed to die. So I’ve gotta try and find a way. But I have no idea where to even start, I’m completely broke and jobless right now. I don’t have a car or even a license. I’m not too far off finally getting enough hours to get off my learner license, only taken me about 5 years so far. But it feels like it’s within my grasp for the first time ever. Don’t have it yet though, so it’s still a limiting factor, and even if I did have it, can’t afford a car. But basically I guess I’m looking for a list of things I need, a list of steps I can take or work towards taking somehow. Cause I can sit here all day and think of all the reasons it can’t be done, but if I keep that up I’m gonna give up on it before I even try and that’ll probably end with me giving up on life altogether. Ideally, I guess I’d like to start with building my own house. Like with my own two hands. Don’t care if it’s little more than a lean-to, I just want to do it myself. Ive done a fair bit of woodworking before, and I’ve watched videos of people build log cabins and stuff and it doesn’t look totally outta the realm of something I think I could do. But I’d need tools and materials and stuff, I have none of that. That’s the type of thing that I guess keeps you bound to society in a way, cause I’m not sure how else you’d get that stuff other than buying it. I’d also kinda want power and hot water and stuff, which again, means inviting a bit of society back into your life, but it doesn’t seem too suffocating if I could keep it all at arms length. But I wouldn’t even know how to set any of that up, or what would be the smartest way to do it, if generators would make sense or if I’d have to connect to the mains still or what. And I also have no idea how to pay for fuel/electricity bills if I can’t work. And I can’t think of a way to do any of this long term without owning a least a small piece of land. But again, there’s a million reasons why I can’t, trying to focus on how I *can*. So has anyone done something like this? And if so, how’d you do it?

7ptsd

Don't you hate it when you see the look of someone who realises you are considered "fucked up" in their mind? : When you know you have been through a lot of shit and that you're trying every single day to keep going and heal and get better at coping and respond better to things, whether that be anger towards you or even people showing affection to you, but then it just happens. You open up to someone and you find yourself casually saying stories you have told many times before but then you realise... This person hasn't filed me as broken in their head. They are doing it right now. It's the look of pity and shock and confusion on their face. They don't know how to react. Most of the times I just regret opening up which creates confusing social relationships. Like I tell them some difficult stuff and then I just withdraw for a long while or even forever because I (possibly falslely) judged that they couldn't handle it.

7ptsd

OCD fleeting moments of clarity : I love and hate my moments of clarity, when all the doubts melt away and I can see my true self. In these moments I feel like myself again and can see right through OCDs tricks. I can't even believe I let it bother me so much. Worse part is it never lasts long and I can feel fear and doubt slowly creep back into my mind. I yearn for these moments. They gives me hope. Does anyone else get this?

6ocd

I have to remind myself to reword the story. : When people ask about my OCD, my story used to be something like this: “I had to check every cupboard, closet, and room in my house ever since my dad died. Double, triple checked the locks on the windows and doors. I just didn’t feel safe, living alone and losing my dad. But now, I feel like everyone is going to die if I fall asleep and don’t wake up to check on them throughout the night. My dad died because I fell asleep” That last sentence. I have to stop myself before that word comes out. “Because”. My dad didn’t die because I fell asleep. He had heart disease. The doctors warned me months earlier that his prognosis wasn’t good. But something in my head told me that I could have saved him. So now when people ask what’s going through my head. “I just have this irresistible urge to check on my family’s breathing through the night, as my dad lost his battle with heart disease while I was sleeping. I felt that maybe if I didn’t fall asleep that day, I could have been there with him instead. I could have saved him.” I’m feeling pretty down today.

6ocd

I confronted my rapist and still have PTSD : I was surprised that I confronted my rapist and then still had ptsd. I told my family. I did the really hard stuff and was surprised I still had PTSD… but I have to say I had PTSD very badly I couldn’t do anything and not find a trigger and now I can make it through sometimes full days. It wasn’t healed but it did get better and everything I’ve done since like therapy has helped it get a bit better. Gardening, a bit better. Keep chipping away at it. It’s hard because you have to rewire your brain grow new neuroconections and slowly work to being better. There is no magic pill that can suddenly make everything ok but everything I did made one more step in the right direction. So no taking my power back didn’t magically cure my ptsd but it did get significantly better. Keep fighting. Don’t give up!

7ptsd

You Know You Are Borderline When : You think of every conflict as a game and it is imperative to win the game despite any personal grievances or distress inflicted or caused. You change majors twice, then go back to your original one after 5 years. You romanticize the endless emptiness that permeates your being, wondering what it is and dwelling on past relationship failures.

3bpd

Teachers/parents don't think I can have ADHD because of how they would have discovered it already : I am so annoyed right now. Two months ago I decided to come out to my parents and tell them how I think I could have ADD, so we went to my pediatrician (I am 16) to see what to do. They gave my parents a questionnaire I guess as a diagnostic tool (Vanderbilt? I think) and they ended up giving completely different answers. What my mom wrote made it seem like I would have ADD, but my dad, who is not at home nearly as much, basically said how I had no symptoms. AND, my mom was talking with my math teacher and a support teacher yesterday, and in the conference, she asked if I could have ADD. And, believe it or not, they responded with how if I did, it would have been discovered in elementary school or middle school, because I would have been the kid spending 3 hours on homework. This was super annoying for me, because I did not do homework in middle school because I could not concentrate. Unfortunately, this convinced my mom I must not have ADD! And, to make things even more annoying for me, it turns out my dad gave the results he did because of how I get As in all of my classes other than Science/Math, where I get Cs (because it is much harder to get away with not doing your homework in those classes, especially for me) So if my dad answered accurately, I would have gotten the diagnosis! TL;DR: Teachers dont think I have ADD because they would have caught it already, and parent did not answer questionnaire accurately because if I had ADD I would have all Fs EDIT: Thank you, everyone, for all of the helpful advice and support! I will try to respond to everyone, but I would like to let you all know I am reading all of the comments and taking them to heart!

0adhd

Posting here because I don't know where else to go. I've been on the verge of tears all day and I don't even know why. : I hate feeling this way. I hate myself. I hate that I still feel these things even at 40 years old. I hate that I'm 40. I hate that I'll never feel grown up. I hate that I look up to everyone around me as if they're so much more mature than I am, regardless of how much younger they are. It's like imposter syndrome, but not just for being successful, but for being human. I don't feel human. I feel like something's wrong with me. And I hate myself for feeling this way when I have so much to be grateful for. My therapist says other people's misfortune doesn't diminish my own pain, but I can't help but feel guilty. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

4depression

Is it easier for people with ADHD to gain insights into their own life after they start taking medication? : I always feel overwhelmed and confused when I think about my life and how I ended up in this situation, sometimes it feels like I'm traveling through a thick cloud of fog, but I'm asking myself if your self-reflections get any clearer after you started to take medication.

0adhd

Rant / cry for help : This is very hard to put to words. First, I feel like a failure. I can't focus on a task, I don't know what I should be doing, and so I procrastinate, and then I don't deliver the work because I am not happy with it. I tell myself that I'll go home and finish it but I don't. I try, but I can't bring myself to open my laptop. And then I feel like a failure because I promised myself to work on something and didn't. I try to stay up telling myself that I'll start my work but it doesn't work. I feel like I can't talk to people. I feel like I would be judged if I tell my mom or my dad. I struggle with this because I have had people tell me to just try harder, or just focus, or just do x or y and it doesn't help and then I spiral even more. I also feel like if I tell them I'll disappoint them and hurt them, but I also know that not telling them hurts them and me and that makes it harder and makes me feel even worse. With procrastination, I'll procrastinate with watching videos, tv, playing games, reading fanfiction, and it feels bad that I can't get myself to stop. I'll do this in the morning while trying to get up to go to work and it hurts me that it's so difficult to simply get out of bed, something that should be really easy. I have so many things I should be doing in my free time that I don't do any of them. I should clean, I should learn to improve my skills for work, I should cook food, I should stay away from entertainment. It's hard to know what to do and I feel bad for doing one and not doing others. It hurts me to not know when to blame myself and when to blame ADHD. I'm crying as I'm writing this right now because it hurts and I don't know what to do to make it better.

0adhd

I finally finished the Silmarrilion! : After a year and a half of struggling with all the names and rereading of details I have finally finished one of Tolkiens most difficult books. Aye, Im going to celebrate with some Mead, brb.

0adhd

DAE feel incredibly upset when you realize you’re a piece of debris floating in an ocean of violent mood swings? : Tonight I [21F] could feel ripples before the big wave, but nonetheless when it came I felt overwhelmingly powerless. I recently started dating someone [21M] I’ve had feelings for, for quite a long time; we spent the whole day together and it should have been blissful, but I kept getting overly upset at each little thing. For example, he doesn’t eat healthy but we spend most of the time at his place and so I’m subject to these habits. I keep thinking about all the weight I’ll inevitably gain, and I start sinking quickly into a dull depression. By the end of the night, I realized I might have a breakdown in front of him so I opt to go home. When he offers to let me borrow his car to go home, I accept even though I’d rather he drive me home. Well, the car door was too frozen and I was afraid I’d snap the key If I kept going at it. I called him, told him the key was on his tire and that I had decided to walk home. He objected as it’s far too cold outside to walk, even though I only live a few blocks away. I get home frozen. My Dr. Martins are covered in ice and snow. I feel like he abandoned me, even though he begged me to come back inside. I’m angry, then suicidal, then scared, then crying, then somehow perfectly fine, and writing this. I feel psychotic. How do I explain to the people I’m close with, that I too am mystified by my mood swings? That I’m scared and mortified that BPD effects my life this heavily? Will they take it seriously, or write me off as attention seeking? I just want control. Any advice or coping tips would be greatly appreciated. (I am newly diagnosed BPD but have been experiencing these episodes since 16 in the dark.)

3bpd

Does anyone else feel like they didn't "earn" their anxiety/depression? : I am a male, 25 years old, almost 26. I grew up in a pretty normal household, with a mom and dad that loved me and took care of me. We were the definition of middle class. My parents separated when I was 15, and divorced when I was 16, but it did not have the emotional impact I thought it would. I lived with my mom and grandma, but I had free access to visit my dad whenever I wanted, and both my parents were amicable towards each other. I always succeeded in school above my other classmates and got along with pretty much everybody. I have hobbies like playing music and watching sports. Over the last 5 or so years I have had off and on anxiety and depression. Being in social situations I'm not comfortable with debilitates me and I feel anger and sadness at random times. Often times I have to feel like I have to put on a show for my friends and family because I do not want to burden them with what I'm feeling. I guess what I'm saying is a don't feel like my life ultimately led up to my anxiety and depression. I feel like I have imposter syndrome because I know way more people have life worse off than I do. Does anybody else feel this way? EDIT: Wow, I did not expect this much feedback on my post, I appreciate seeing that other people are in the same boat as I am, and the great words of encouragement and advice some of you have said. Thank you.

1anxiety

Technically a meme (?), intended as a PSA : So I've been going through one of those rough patches lately that I know you guys are familiar with, where I feel like I'm putting so much energy into just *living* that I find myself falling way behind and not getting Jack Schitt done. It's hard not to be angry with yourself when it happens and I feel like I've been falling down the rabbit hole. But then I came across this: . [https://www.instagram.com/p/BSEXj1oF4W_/](https://www.instagram.com/p/BSEXj1oF4W_/) (make sure you have sound on) . ...And it reminded me that I'm being way too fucking harsh with myself. You really do have to remember to forgive yourself when you truly are trying your hardest and shit just gets out of control, even if it is *technically* "your own doing." It's a hard-knock life for us. This post is corny, but I hope it cheers you guys up, too. </feelings>

0adhd

Depression free for almost a year. Now it's back in full swing. : I've been dealing with depression for years. I was on a cocktail of lexapro, welbutrin, and trazadone to deal with it. About a year and a half ago, I had gotten to a good place mentally and decided I wanted to wean off the meds. I did so and things were great until work stress and relationship stress sent me into a bit of a depressive episode. My boyfriend and a new therapist helped me work my way out and things have been good for almost a year now. I moved back in with my parents 4 weeks ago. 4 weeks is all it took to ruin all that. And the worst part? In all my years of therapy, I never had a therapist focus on my childhood. It was always on work stress or relationship issues or bullying in school. This therapist (who I love) had me start digging down deep to see where my problems originate. And I've become very aware of the shitty things my parents did to me growing up. So now, I'm stuck living with them, aware of what happened, aware of what they're actually doing when they treat me like this still. AND MY THERAPIST HAS BEEN ON MATERNITY LEAVE FOR 2 MONTHS. So I can't even talk about it. She just opened me up to be aware of it and now I'm here struggling. I've lost all my autonomy, all my privacy, all my freedom. I'm not respected. And frankly, it sucks being in someone's house when you know they hate you. At this point nothing gives me joy an I just want to die.

4depression

Do I go to the hospital if I’m manic? : Hi Everyone! I had a manic episode one year ago and ended up in grippy sock jail where I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I started to think today of what my family members can do to get me stabilized the next time I’m manic. Last time I was throwing things around and breaking stuff and my parents didn’t know what to do so they took me to the mental hospital. Next time this happens can I go to the ER and just stay there for a few days or would I need to go stay in a Mental hospital? Really trying not to go back to grippy sock jail as it was pretty traumatizing but I would probably need to be stable if I’m manic again. I’ve only ever had 1 manic episode before but I wanna prepare for the future

2bipolar

Why the fuck should I be penalized for getting help? : Idiots online always say “just seek help” well I don’t want to because I get punished for it. Therapy and counseling is expensive, and medications is costly. Why should I have to pay to get better?

4depression