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Living with daily anxiety, terrified by an incoming big presentation at school. : Hello,
I finally decided to share a bit of my current exprience... Well it'll be a kind of long story.
I'm 25 and currently in my last year of IT school. Well, only one thing is remaining : a presentation. During this presentation I'll have to defend the thesis I wrote for 20 min, then answer some questions for 25 more minutes. Why am I scared ?
First things first : I hate having to speak in front of people whatever the number involved. Always made me freaking out. Though, I became more at ease with time until...
Until last year. I had an other presentation last year, which ended up really badly. Long story short : one of the teachers judging me said that I "wasn't worth" this school, that I was shit and should go back to first years of school. All of this, in front of all my classmates. I became pale, refraining myself from crying.
From that, it went downfall : I lost more confidence, became more scared of presentations, anxious about going to this school whereas everything was about to get better. I was then at my 4th year.
Now, here I am, 2 weeks before ending this school. But, I feel like I can't do this anymore. I want, deep inside me, avoid this presentation and give up everything. After all, I can get a job without a degree in IT and I'm pretty sure of that.
What's triggering me ? When I have to write the thesis, let's say it begins in April, I had then 4 months to write ~ 50 pages. But : I was stuck, stuck everytime I tried to write it, stuck everytime I thought about it. From there, I ended up 2 weeks before the thesis deadline, swallowing some pills (soft stuff, made me sleepy) and hurting myself. I then instantly called my parents crying I couldnt anymore and they brought me back home.
I then wrote around 45 pages in less than 2 weeks with a feeling of non-satisfaction. Adding to the fact I had to explain my company supervisor I did "burn-out". Once I did "finish" the thesis and sent it to my school, i then did took some rest.
And now, here I am. The presentation is in 2 weeks, I didnt prepare it at all and my company supervisor is asking for some news (I work from home until end of contract) about that presentation, as she wants to be here. But I can't. I'm stuck by the fact I got humiliated and I don't want to live that anymore, I'm helpless, my brain keeps thinkin of billions of bad possibilities and scenarios. I don't want to go to this school, I don't want to deal with it anymore, I don't want to face the people that will give me a bad grade. Specially when my thesis has been rushed, I'm not ready to get a lot of bad feedback. I'm scared, i'm terrified.
Do I have some sort of "post-traumatic" syndrom ? Am I sick or something ? What can I do ? Can anyone relate to that sort of thing ?
I feel like I didnt tell everything but we'll just say it's the short story.
PS : You might ask but I already see a therapist. She gave me some advice but it's not that great... | 1anxiety
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Does anyone else have this? : Whenever I come across specific triggering words (in a book, lyrics) or even hear something specific in a movie or show, I obsess over it and either have to compulsively apologize (I have scrupulosity) or rewatch and reread that part of whatever I'm doing. It's gotten better but I just want to know if anyone else has had this. Watching a good series is a good way to calm down but not if the series is so triggering I have to turn it off. | 6ocd
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Hi, subreddit, Combat Veteran here and I need help. I'm sick of clamly hands and avoidance. I can't formulate words is certain situations. Hell, right now I'm getting upset. : I got out in 2012. I was high ranking, I commanded 40 people in very high stress situations. I was a model noncommissioned officer in the US Army. A poster child, if you will. I got out against my will and also worked at a local logistics company, after I got out. I did my jobs well but wanted to get my degree (I'm about to graduate).
I'm very technology savy so I did side wor (since I got out of the Army). Now, the side work is stressful, but a few years ago, the work at my job and the moon lighting was stressful but not anxiety-level stress, it just happend. Just writing it gets me sweating and upset.
I'm good at my work but now I'd rather lay in bed, shut off my phone, and fear the next job. Its been over a week that I've been asked to do anything, but I still fear a phone call. But, if I just do the work, I'll be fine, but I don't. After 5PM I'm okay because no one calls.
One side of me says just do it, find a want to go forward. I'll wake up some days and just go all out. I complete a job, but other days I sweat it out in bed and have a shock feeling everytime I get an email.
I'm being avoidant. I recognize that. Do I terminate a client and just stop my freelancing? Or should I hold steady and attack my anxiety?
There is a lot more that ties into my issues. But, combat aside, anxiety as a knowledgeable issue, should I tell my clients I'm moving on?
UPDATE: I made it. I talked to the client and did work today. I'm delivering it Monday. As for my anxiety, I had my meds ready and used them twice, my jets are cool.
Also, as if an act of God, I got a drop of the hat IT interview for the County! No more stressful freelancing for me! | 1anxiety
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Flight Crew Helmet Info? : Hey, lurked here for a while and figured you guys are pretty smart.
I've always been interested in collectable stuff, so at the surplus store the other day I picked this up. They guy at the store didn't seem to know much about it, and after some googling I couldn't find too much either. It's dated 1996 and the green color signifies the job of the wearer, but what's a Log Chief? I couldn't find anything on it.
https://imgur.com/a/Qbtta
Thanks in advance!
Edit: Should have specified flight DECK crew in title, my bad | 5none
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hypomanic and unsafe sex resulted me in getting Chlamydia and I'm on the edge : My psychiatrist randomly stopped taking my phone calls and just stopped my prescription for my medication and for some dumb reason I had the bright idea to have sex with a stranger. Why did I believe I was some sort of God who can't catch any illness?
Who do I think I am???
It could've been worse and I feel like I dodged a bullet that had great reason to hit me. The worse part is that I can't talk about this to anyone because no one can know that I'm not a baby angel who makes wrong choices sometimes.
Everyone will look at me like I'm evil.
I have to deal with this on my own and the thought of that makes me not want to get up to do anything.
I have to work today and there's no calling out since like 5 people work there and the schedule is split between us all. I also only work weekends, so I just have to do this one day, but I can't seem to get the motivation to pretend to even like my job or school or literally anything.
I feel like impeding doom is coming for me and there's no way out of it. The only thing I can think is that I'll either be like this forever or die early and unaccomplished..
It might not seem like much since I just have to take antibiotics for a week, but it feels like more. It feels like I failed myself and I don't deserve to feel better in a week.
I just needed somewhere/one to say this to. I just need a moment. One where I'm not worried about anything and everything is just fine...
But it seems like I'm doing worse and worse for myself | 2bipolar
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Why Do I keep doing things that hurts me ? : I do something that I’m not supposed to do - regret doing it - feeling guilty and sad and horrible - promising myself not to do it again .- few days later I do the same thing
and the cycle goes on and on and on.
Am I just a stupid person who can’t learn from mistakes ? Am I blaming everything on my mental illness and using it as an excuse ?
I don’t know if what I wrote is even readable but I’m so frustrated and disappointed. | 3bpd
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Why do you think that OCD & Depression occur together? : To me, Depression comes after OCD which means that OCD is the cause of depression here, it’s so debilitating, defeating & distressing that it leaves you feeling like shit, worthless, hopeless & helpless so you end up clinically depressed. | 6ocd
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I'm so anxious about not being able to get my homework done that I can't focus on it and get it done. : I have to laugh at the irony so I don't cry, lol.
This is seriously the worst cycle to be stuck in when you're in college. I "bust my ass" studying and doing homework until 8pm or later, but half of that time is just wrestling with my brain.
I'm so tired. :( I'm graduating in a few months, which is the only thing getting me through every day, but it also means I'm dealing with senioritis on top of the usual issues.
Anyone else struggle with this and/or have any tips? | 1anxiety
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Not everyone with bpd splits : Talked about this with my therapist today and just needed to scream this into the void.
Extreme idealizing and devaluing in relationships is ONE of 9 diagnostoc criteria and you only need 5, yet almost everything about bpd centers around splitting to the point it's hard to find anything discussing bpd without it.
Also,
Not all of us have every single trait of bpd, and just because *you* experience something doesnt mean it's a bpd symptom. I've seen redicouls claims from other pwbpd, like
"pwbpd never forgive and will get revenge on you"
"If you have bpd and say you're not manipulative you just aren't as self aware as me and are worse"
Or on the flip side
"I can't help that I'm manipulative, I have bpd that's the way we are"
"I stalked and harrassed him cause I have bpd I can't help it"
NO. These are not bpd traits and it is very wrong to characterize a whole ass mental illness based on your experience. BPD is *not* an excuse for all of your bad behavior. Stop spreading misinformation.
Not everyone with bpd splits.
Not everyone with bpd is imulsive.
Not everyone with bpd has FP's.
Not everyone with bpd has every symptom. There are over 200 combinations and people need to stop acting like everyone with bpd has the same experience. | 3bpd
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My Spanish teacher's husband died last week : I approached her in class and said "Mucho"
"Thanks," she said, "that means a lot."
"Tanto."
"Oh my," she replied. "Thank you, that means so much."
"El mundo."
"Thank you so much," she said, "what you've said means the world." | 5none
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Can I turn it off please? I just want to be normal. : PSA: self pity rant, feel free to disregard
I just don’t get why things are so hard for me. I know many people with ADHD that are able to achieve at practically anything they touch. But all I do is fail.
I’m 25 and everything I’ve tried I’ve rather screwed up, or failed to follow through. Why is follow through so hard?! In the last 4 years ive had 7 jobs. But I always find a reason to leave it. Ive dropped out of college 3 times because it’s to hard.
I’m sick of being ADHD and having other learning disabilities. All I want is to be normal. I want to be average. I want to think the way most people think.
I just don’t want to be me… I don’t want to be forced into another 60 years of a life that I hate. I just want it to end already. I wish I wasn’t such a failure and that my brain let me succeed. | 0adhd
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Identity Issues : I feel like my identity always changes based on who I'm with. Especially with the people I respect the most, I feel the need to shape my personality based on what they seem to like. I try to recognize that people want to be friends with me for my uniqueness, but it is really difficult in practice. In the end, I don't even think I know who I am. Anyone else have a problem like this? | 3bpd
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do you consider your anxiety to be a disability? : For the longest time, cuz I didn't always have bad anxiety, I didn't consider my anxiety to be a disability. It was just like "yeah, it's there, but I can work through it so I don't really think of it as a disability". But more recently, I've come to learn that my anxiety is actually quite debilitating without meds and still challenging even with them, depending on circumstances.
Even with a near ideal work environment (my boss is great, my coworkers are friendly, it's a pleasant place to work and I don't plan on leaving any time soon), I still deal with bad anxiety during the busier times of the year and there are certain things that just really, really set it off. And it seems that if even one thing is out of place, for instance if I have one bad supervisor, my anxiety becomes severe.
It makes me worry that I will not be able to work to the same degree as other people and may need to apply for disability checks one day, or at the very least it may mean I can't handle customer service jobs and should maybe consider a different career path. | 1anxiety
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A motorist was stopped for speeding on the freeway by traffic cops and asked to give his information. : “My name is William Walter Wankin-Brake and I am the Sales Manager for the Bigger Ball, Better Ball, Ball-bearing Company" he replied.
“Come along, sir" answered the traffic cop "this is no time to be silly. What's your name and address?"
With that, the motorist pulled out his business card, which confirmed that he was indeed William Walter Wankin-Brake from the Bigger Ball, Better Ball, Ball-bearing Company.
After writing out a speeding ticket the traffic cop then returned to his station and gave his copy of the ticket to the desk sergeant, who took one look at it and said, with a pained expression "Somebody's taking the piss here. I'm going to check this out.”
With that he picked up the telephone and dialed the number that had been given to his colleague.
"Is this the Bigger Ball, Better Ball, Ball-bearing Company from Bungay?"
“Yes" was the reply. "My name is Clare. How can I help you?"
"Have you got a Wankin-Brake at your place?" asked the desk sergeant.
“Wanking break? You're joking!" exclaimed the receptionist "we don't even get a tea break!" | 5none
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I can’t trust myself to make decisions anymore and I don’t know what’s real and what’s in my head : I don’t even know if I have anxiety or if it’s something else at this point. I can’t control my emotions. I’m either in a state of stress or complete panic/extreme sadness. The moment something negative happens I completely blow it out of proportion in my head and jump to conclusions and act impulsively. I can’t trust myself to know what is real and what i’m blowing out of proportion at this point. | 1anxiety
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Found a trove of Civil War correspondence at my grandparents' house : My grandparents are moving into a care facility and I came across a massive trove of hundreds - maybe a thousand - handwritten letters and documents from colonels (which I presume are relatives).
I would love to learn more about them, preserve them, and share them. Can anybody recommend a trusted service that scans historical documents? And where might I turn to hire a historian to create a document that lends context to these letters? I think it would be a wonderful thing to pass along through the generations.
Has anybody ever undertaken such a project? I have an appreciation for history, but am by no means a history buff. Looking forward to the journey ahead and to any advice r/History can offer.
Thanks!
x-post from /r/USCivilWar thanks to the recommendation of /u/HumansNotRobots | 5none
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I love sleeping. : Nowadays i just love falling asleep. I see sleep as a substitute for sex and affection. I am a really sex and affection deprived man. When i am awake i mostly think about making out. However in reality that's not possible for me. Sleep gives me some level of comfort but you can't ever get enough sleep to kill your lonliness, can you? | 4depression
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I switched from Abilify to Latuda and now it doesn't take an hour and a half of staggered alarms to get me out of bed early in the morning : I spent years blaming my caffeine consumption, low level depression, or anything else I could think of but the medication I've had the longest history with was the culprit all along. It's a huge relief to be able to add an hour of actual sleep to my morning routine. | 2bipolar
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I feel so useless. : My mom has once again yelled at me, my inability to get my shit together is tearing us apart.
Why didn't you do the laundry?
Why is your room always so messy?
How long can it take to unpack a box?
Have you gotten any job interviews yet?
I really want to be better, I want to just write a job application to send out to everyone and get a job. I really want to tidy up my room and unpack after moving. I don't know why I don't do it, every single day I feel so horrible about myself, I feel so guilty.
Why can't I just get it together, why does every little thing have to be so difficult? I am just this useless blob taking up space and being an inconvenience to everyone around me.
| 0adhd
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What caused the North-South divide in the UK? : A quick Google search has led me to to discover that industrial decline could have led to the current divide, but throughout history there tends to be a convergence of wealth in the south as opposed to the north. Could this be because of the locality to royalty? What other reasons could it be? | 5none
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I think I'm ready to see a doctor about this : Hi guys,
Last month I passed out on the way to work. I was on the train and just completely blacked out. I'd been feeling like I had a knotted stomach and raised heart rate for weeks and felt especially bad that morning, but this was the first time I'd fainted in nearly a year.
Every time this has happened I've gone to the hospital and they've never been able to find a medical or physical reason for it, but they mentioned this time that It could be a manifestation of an anxiety or panic attack, and suddenly everything seemed to make sense.
I constantly feel like every little move or sound I make is under scrutiny, like my words will come back to haunt me in some way I can't even imagine. At work this means every little mistake I make I'm convinced I'm going to get fired for, that everything is conspiring to get rid of me. This means any time I do make a mistake, I can't face it. I try to hide it or put it off until it DOES become an apparent issue, because at least then I don't have to bring it up and face the humiliation head on.
I want to go to a doctor to talk about this but I'm scared they won't take me seriously - I'm 24 and actually doing very well for myself at work all things considered, so I'm convinced they'll just see me as a time waster. I feel guilty for feeling anxious.
Does anyone have any advice on how to approach the conversation with my GP (I'm in the uk)? I've heard some horror stories from friends and relatives about them just being told to get out by their GP for asking about depression and self harming, so I don't expect them to be any different to someone who isn't physically harming themselves
Thanks in advance
TLDR - I want to get help but I feel guilty about the way I feel. I constantly feel like quitting my job would help but I know deep down it wont | 1anxiety
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Why do things cause ptsd : I wanted to list some things that cause ptsd for me and was wondering if others suffer the same and had any tips for getting past or over the initial shock so I can live normally.
Using the bathroom sometimes
Static shocks
Feeling unbalanced or nauseous | 7ptsd
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I get 'stuck' all the time - is it just me? How do you deal? : I tried to curb the ADHD need to write a novel here lol. Basically I get 'stuck' all the time.
If I write an email or an essay or whatever I go to read it back and I get stuck there, I end up reading it over and over and over again and struggle to concentrate on anything else (I'm on about the 8th re-read of this post before submitting and I'm really trying!)
If I have to do something but I know I need to shower first, I'll get stuck for hours just doomscrolling on my phone, too lazy to shower but not able to do anything else because I HAVE to shower first and I don't wanna. It stops me doing stuff I actually want to do as well, not just chores or boring things.
Sometimes I literally have to have someone break me out of it by ordering me step by step like 'put your phone down, get up right now, go and do the thing'.
Is this kind of thing common? Is there a way around it? How do you cope?
I'm a 29 y/o woman, only diagnosed for like 18months (time is so hard to keep track of!) I'm taking elvanse, but on the waiting list to try out a different medication as I feel like this isn't working as well as it used to. If you're on other meds and you've struggled with this, have you found one that helps?
Thanks for your time, love all you guys x | 0adhd
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Recluse in distress : I was diagnosed with severe PTSD ~2 years ago and, with medication and 15 months of therapy, I am a recluse but doing much better. I know what triggers to avoid - like being in crowds.
Yesterday there is construction going on and about 7 workmen in and out of my home. Lovely, friendly, professional men who were simply doing their job.
Because I don’t leave the house, I was on the couch reading. Never thought a thing of it.
Now today I woke up with heart pounding, rapid, shallow respirations, my shoulders scrunched up like I’m a turtle trying to crawl back in my shell. Had to cancel appt., talking a mile a minute on the phone and just generally one step from a panic attack.
I know when I go out to take medication but never realized it would be the same having people come in. Duh!
Guess this is more of a vent, but anyone with some advice would be welcomed too. Can’t seem to calm down. Took a med but one day too late!
Thanks for reading. | 7ptsd
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Bob is about to celebrate his 30th anniversary : Bob wants everything to be perfect for his anniversary trip to the hotel where he and his wife honeymooned 30 years earlier. So he gets there a day early to make all the arrangements. That night he emailed her, but misspelled the address, and it goes to a recent widow.
The next day, the widow’s son finds Her passed out in front of her computer. On the screen is this email:
My darling wife, I’ve just gotten here and everything is set for your arrival tomorrow. I hope the trip down great will be as pleasant as mine.
P.S. It’s really hot! | 5none
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Stigma : So I found this comment in my memories on Facebook (we were talking about "adult picky eater disorder" back in 2011 and how some disorders shouldn't be classified as such, etc):"also borderline personality disorder, they should just call it attention whore disorder". Back then I had no idea what BPD even was so I just moved on to a different topic. Seeing it now though really hurts. I could grab any random stranger off the street and ask if they know what BPD is and they'd probably say no, but there's so much stigma surrounding it anyway. It's just really hurtful to know that one of my friends has this preconceived notion about me without even knowing it. And it's not like she's a stranger to mental illness. She had a psychotic break in high school and paramedics had to come get her because she saw a tiger stalking her through the hallway. But I guess to her, we're just attention whores. | 3bpd
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I feel like I lost any personality I had : Wasn’t sure if I should post this here or not. I don’t post on reddit all that much. Basically I feel like I’ve been quiet and be myself for so long that I don’t really know what to say or how to act around people - even my friends when I’m able to meet up with them every few weeks.
People will tell me not to worry about things and just to be myself and screw people who don’t like it. But I don’t know what ‘myself’ is. Even around people I know I just find myself quiet and polite. Not able to really make jokes or say anything that isn’t necessary.
It makes me worry. I feel like the friends I have don’t have any reason to be friends with me. Like I don’t offer anything anymore. Been dealing with depression and anxiety for about 4 years now and i feel like it not only strips away what makes you yourself, it also gives people plenty of reasons to be better off without you.
| 1anxiety
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Has anyone else found they are somewhat sexually apathetic due to sexual abuse at a young age? : Just curious, my therapist told me she has noticed people who go through sexual trauma for their first sexual experience tend to not be as sexually expressionistic or motivated later in life. I was wondering if this was true?
I have found I am not as sexually motivated as most men. I still love sex even though it can be hard for me to express myself in that aspect. I tend to be attracted to the opposite sex because of emotional reasons, connections, rather than physical. It makes conversation with other males extremely difficult about the opposite sex, and I tend to just avoid it altogether.
My therapist says this is a blessing in disguise. Even though I wish I could express myself sexually easier, I don't view anyone as sexual objects and I tend to value conversation more and a persons personality. Not that being sexually abused at a young age is the only way to obtain that, but it's what I got from it.
I never find myself motivated by sex, it's more of something I have to do, and it makes me feel alienated in society. Can anyone relate?
| 7ptsd
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Apparently, taking walks at the park reduces my OCD symptoms : Like, I've already gotten sixty milligrams of an ADHD medicine that I took for several years to reduce my OCD, because my psychiatrist couldn't increase my OCD medicine even higher than the recommended dosage.
But at the same time, I take a walk, and I feel so much more relaxed, and it's like my obsessions and phobias have already dissipated. I mean, I still have to find a job, but for the time being, I need to take more walks at the park during the morning, at around 7:00 AM to 8:00 AM where I live, when the weather is a lot cooler. And then afterward, it's like my troubles never even existed, even if they still do and I was going to resolve them, soon.
Plus, I have my phone with me, so if any time either of my parents need me, they could either call or text me for something, and not really surprise me with something when I get back home without telling me on the phone first.
And I still need to visit my therapist every Saturday at 4:00 PM, and he'll always remind me that I'm neither catching nor spreading germs. Plus, I told him about Exposure and Response Prevention via text, and we might need to discuss it with each other this upcoming meeting.
Just wanted to give you a heads up, BTW. | 6ocd
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DAE get really motivated to do something, do it for about 1/2 hour and then ask yourself why you're doing it, slowly regressing back to your comfort zone in a deep dark depression? : Exactly what the title asks. I find myself getting quick and sudden bursts of energy to accomplish something, and halfway through, I just kinda go "meh" and going back to doing nothing. | 4depression
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The Lost Colony of Roanoke: America's Greatest Historical Mystery : Hey, fellow history enthusiasts! Today, let's delve into one of America's most intriguing unsolved mysteries: the Lost Colony of Roanoke. Situated on Roanoke Island, North Carolina, this colony's mysterious disappearance continues to baffle historians and capture the imagination of people worldwide.
In 1587, English settlers arrived on Roanoke Island, aiming to establish a permanent colony. Led by John White, the group consisted of men, women, and children, totaling around 120 individuals. However, when White left the colony to return to England for supplies, unforeseen circumstances prolonged his departure.
When he finally returned in 1590, he found the colony abandoned, with no trace of its inhabitants. The only clue was the word "Croatoan" carved into a tree, hinting at a possible relocation to nearby Croatoan Island (now known as Hatteras Island).
Various theories have emerged over the years, attempting to unravel the fate of the Lost Colony. One hypothesis suggests that the settlers integrated with the local Native American tribes, such as the Croatoans or the Croatans. Another theory posits that they fell victim to disease, famine, or conflicts with indigenous groups.
Despite extensive research and excavations, no concrete evidence has definitively solved the mystery. The Lost Colony of Roanoke remains an enigma, leaving historians and enthusiasts alike to speculate and imagine the fate of those early settlers.
This captivating historical puzzle continues to inspire books, documentaries, and even fictional works, fueling the fascination surrounding the Lost Colony. Its story serves as a testament to the enduring allure of unsolved mysteries and the profound impact they have on our understanding of the past.
As we explore the annals of history, let us remember the Lost Colony of Roanoke—a haunting reminder of the unexplained chapters that still await discovery. Share your thoughts, theories, and favorite historical mysteries in the comments below!
Sources:
Smith, Simon. "The Lost Colony of Roanoke: A Mystery of History." Smithsonian Magazine, 3 August 2015.
Kelly, Jacqueline. "The Lost Colony of Roanoke: Still a Mystery After 425 Years." History.com, 24 November 2020. | 5none
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How to break this cycle of loneliness? : I can't relate to people because I don't have interests
I am lonely because I don't relate to people
I am depressed because I'm lonely
I don't have interests because I'm depressed
Anybody else experience this? Any tips on how to get interested in things? I literally don't do anything besides work, school, eat, play games, and listen to music. | 4depression
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Has anyone here tried EMDR virtually? : I finally booked an appointment for next week with an EMDR certified therapist but due to the pandemic all sessions are conducted online including EMDR sessions. I want to know if anyone has tried that and what their experience was like? | 7ptsd
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the holidays are so depressing : I'm not sure if this is a thing with my issues but I just feel so detached with the holidays now. It's just a regular day but idk how to describe it and I'm sure I'm not the only one. It's more like wanting to take off and ventilate for the rest of the day than wasting my time on a tradition I don't want to be apart of.
​
Idfk how to word this and surprise surprise something I don't know how to explain what makes me upset
​
edit: i honestly don't think this post earns the gold award but thanks??? | 3bpd
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I don't think depression is an illness : this post is quite useless, you can ignore it but anyway, I thought I'd share
It dawned on me suddenly that depression is not a malfunction and it should have an evolutionary purpose. Emotions guide us in terms of what we like, what we don't like, what we want and what we don't want, what we are afraid of, what threatens us, etc. But emotions aren't really useful when it comes to critical thinking and problem solving, they are in the way.
When I had a first intense episode of depression and anxiety, I had brutally honest thoughts about how I am just an animal, how I am just a weird thing, made of bones and meat, there were scary intrusive images of how I me and other people around me are just skeletons with brain and optical nerves, that if not for sun, there would be no people at all, I saw people fully disengaged from my human comprehension, I literally saw some weird meatbags making weird facial expressions and sounds, it was pretty scary and sad, after a couple of days of this I literally was too weak to get up from my bed. My brain was sorting all that information I was scared to think through and admit before, and did it in a most brutal way.
It helped me to gain a whole new perspective on my life and what it was before. It was tough to realise that I'm nowhere near as great as I used to think but I had become much more realistic and stopped being codependent with my "friends" and parents. I feel as if it was necessary.
literally first link in Google search and it seems to confirm my own perspective:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/depressions-evolutionary/ | 4depression
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The Backhanded complement of medication : I was prescribed Effexor for ADHD (It's technically an antidepressant) because it helps with focus and concentration, but it also helps with anxiety and I scored high on their anxiety scale. It's been great and I love it, but the reactions of others sort of make me feel bad. Friends are a little TOO pleased, and my wife who I have been with for 20 years actually said "You're like a completely different person. It's great!" That made me laugh, but the other side of that is the implication that I was terrible before. | 0adhd
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Fucking hate fireworks : In Utah, we have 2 4th of July’s. One’s on the 4th, the other’s on the 24th, called “Pioneer Day.” Both are really hard for me, and I haven’t even seen combat.
I hope my fellow Utahns are doing ok tonight. | 7ptsd
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What are some crazy or hilarious harmful things/practices that used to be common place in history? : I've been looking into collecting a list of unintentionally harmful things or practices that used to be common in history. It's a topic that is rather fascinating, and depending on the context, rather comedic to read about. Here are some examples I have:
* One relatively well known example included blood letting to balance the four humors in medical practices.
* Using mercury as a medical treatment or, in the case of Qin Shi Huang, the key to immortality.
* Using radium dials and gauges to allow pilots in WWII to fly at night due to their radioactive glow. Many of the workers who painted these dials and gauges would develop cancer.
* Bayer Laboratories developed heroin cough syrup in 1898.
* In the 1930's there was an energy drink on the market called, "RadiThor" which contained one microcurie of radium dissolved in water.
I've been finding it hard to find unique or interesting examples on the internet, I thought maybe this could be the place to find some? | 5none
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My Best Friend Is Taking a Break From Me Because of My Depression : I (29f) noticed that my best friend (29f) was acting distant from me for a while. I finally told her in early September that we needed to talk, and she told me she's been distancing herself on purpose. She said that while I don't treat her as a therapist, our conversations about how I feel when I'm depressed are too much to process, and she needs to take a break from our friendship. Of course, I respect her decision and appreciate her sending boundaries.
I've been avoiding talking to her because we agreed it was better for her to reach out. She wished me a happy birthday in late September, which makes me feel like she still cares about me and our friendship. The only other contact we've had was when she accidentally charged almost $200 on my credit card. It was a total accident because my card is still on her Amazon account (I used to use it and don't anymore), and she picked my card by mistake. I let her know, and she Venmoed me back. When I told her about the charge, she said she planned to reach out to me soon to get dinner. This was early November, and I have been waiting to hear from her since.
I'm heartbroken. We've been best friends for 10 years. Best friends like this don't come around very often. I feel awful that I hurt her. She only told me that she was purposefully distancing herself because I confronted her about needing to talk, and she said she let it go on longer than it should. I feel so terrible that I kept hurting her with my depression because I wasn't aware of how much it was hurting her.
I don’t know what to do. I miss her so much. But at the same time, I know our friendship will never be the same. I asked her months ago if she was mad at me because things felt off between us. She said everything was fine, but I now know that she lied. Because of this, I'll have a hard time trusting her because she went so long without telling me this.
Does anyone have a similar experience or feedback on what to do? I'm so lost. And now, I'm worried about opening up to any of my other friends about how I'm feeling. I'm afraid to hurt someone again. | 4depression
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I've found a way to start a task that overwhelms me. : If I'm finding the ADHD all encompassing wall of "HOLY HELL TOO MUCH, NOPE" due to being overwhelmed or not liking a task I found a shortcut to get myself to not fear / procrastinate it.
Write down the first task you need to do, that's it. I often over plan things to the tiniest details but when I need to start I see the colossal spreadsheet and go "nope". Now, once I write this task down, I complete that task and that task alone. I try to minimize all mental / visual / kinetic / emotional clutter while I do this task so I can focus on this one thing.
Now here's the best part, I can always do this first task. Often that's all I can muster for the time I have, BUT I DID ONE THING. The KEY to bankrolling this is to do this EVERY time you feel stuck on any part of any project, and everything with adhd is a project. I completed over 80 pages of studying yesterday and got my emissions, license renewed, and arrived to work on time. Every time I got overwhelmed or wanted to give up I wrote down the next single task I needed to do, OR I said it outloud 3 times. "I'm only driving to the dmv it isn't far, I'm only driving to the dmv it isn't far, I'm only driving to the dmv it isn't far." Once I arrived at the dmv, I was already mentally ready to hand in my paperwork and put my plates on! | 0adhd
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Started this post out seeking reasurrance : ...nope. Not gonna do it. I caught myself. What the theme is doesn't matter, but how you react to its contents does. It wants me to go after ways I'm doing things wrong. So I was inadvertently feeding it by asking questions here. I'm diving head first into uncertainty. I refuse to give my OCD more power. The damn thing has gone into autopilot I've given it so much for crying out loud. | 6ocd
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Vyvanse Side Effects : I was prescribed Vyvanse 20mg a month and a half ago, then my psychiatrist bumped it up to 30mg a few weeks ago. I've been seeing increased improvement since titration got up. Like the other day I left work and realized I hadn't made any small mistakes in about 2 weeks. Usually when I leave work I remember 10 things I forgot to do or my manager calls me to the office to fix a bunch of stupid mistakes.
My issue is the side effects. Mainly loss of emotion and libido. I definitely see what people are talking about as far as feeling like a robot. I also had an embarrassing encounter this weekend. A girl that I've fancied for a while invited me to her place for some fun... I couldn't even get it up and had to drink some wine to get in the mood.
I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist in about a week when we have our follow up, but I just wanted to know if others have had these issues. Do they subside if you stay the course? Should I switch meds?
| 0adhd
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What is the most anachronistic things that actually existed/occurred at the same time? : I'm looking for interesting examples of things that seem like they shouldn't have existed or happened at the same time, but did - a random example that is brought up often is the cavalry charge against tanks. | 5none
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Double negative : A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day, "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
"However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right." | 5none
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OCD “commands” and manipulates : I feel like I might’ve seen something like this, but does OCD ever like, command you? I say “I don’t want to feel that way. I’m a good person and THIS is how you feel.” And OCD says “no. You’re not allowed. THIS is how you feel.” Like almost forcing you to accept something about yourself that’s just not true? | 6ocd
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Tonight I'm taking magic mushrooms that I've had for a long time with half an E hopefully it can change me like it once did before : My story goes, I took a .5 of shrooms years ago, and I came out totally different. Much better and positive, no one could recognize my personality. A week later I took the rest of the bag and the bad trip messed me up back to normal. Over the years I've taken a few low doses but nothing ever worked. It was somehow because it was my first time that that time worked..? This time, I'tll be different, because E is also said to help sufferes of trauma. Anyone have any experience with this let me know! | 3bpd
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When did the Pyramids in Egypt begin to decay? : I was thinking about this when watching the trailer for the new Assassin's Creed game which is set over two thousand years after the pyramids were made and they look like they were just made. Now of course you can't use a game as a reliable source for history, but I imagine they thought of that.
So what made it decay in the last two thousand years versus the two to three thousand years it was up for leading to Cleopatra's time? | 5none
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Officially been up for 24 hours straight due to anxiety. : Gotta love anxiety induced insomnia which in turn increases anxiety… which then further prevents sleep… which then… yeah you get it. It’s a never ending cycle sometimes.
Edit: Thanks for all the comments guys. I’m glad to know I’m not alone. I got a couple hours of sleep, which just really made me feel worse. Then had to get up and work. Guzzled some coffee to be alive, which always ends up frazzling my nerves even more. Don’t have to work tomorrow, so praying I can sleep tonight. I might end up taking some melatonin even though it makes me drowsy the next day. Just can’t function anymore without some sleep, so desperate times call for desperate measures. Hope everyone gets some sleep tonight! | 1anxiety
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I feel like we need to clarify… : People hurt other people everyday all day. Yes some of those people may or may not have BPD.
So if someone hurts you that has BPD they may have done it in a way that’s different or even unusual to people who hurt people who don’t have BPD but it wasn’t bc that person had BPD.
That person just happened to have BPD and hurt you? Get it? Lol | 3bpd
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Dream Job Interview Today : Interviewing for my dream job within my company today. Even applying was a nightmare, it's so far out of my comfort zone. I panicked over my resume for days. I don't have the education they're looking for but here goes nothing. Just deep breaths, I got this.
The stories on this sub are always inspiring. Thank you guys for helping me make the leap. | 1anxiety
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Has anyone ever heard of a reasonable explanation for that 'frequency' you get with other bipolar people? : I find this happens with some ADHD people also, basically if you're dopamine seeking I can kind of get into this vibe. Often without knowing the person. It's just this... tug in my stomach toward someone. Like I can tell how their brain is misfiring because mine does the same thing. And talking to them is just like... I don't know. You just lock eyes and fall in. I ran into one of my 'trigger people,' yesterday, a friend I used to run around all night with and hook up with but it basically caused a lot of problems in our lives so we stopped (on neutral terms). Like, I haven't seen her in years and it was just all-lights-on-showtime. But even when we first met, I remember the same thing happening too. And I've had it happen again and again with people who have our same brain shit. WHY. WHY DO WE KNOW. HOW CAN MY BODY POSSIBLY KNOW. | 2bipolar
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Finally hit 1 month on reddit so I can make a post here! : Hello all. I've been dying to make a post on here but I had to wait a month because my profile was new. I am 25. Was diagnosed bipolar at age 16. Been on and off meds since then. I've been regularly taking essentially the same meds for almost 4 years. And with the exception of some bumps in the road...I've been mostly stable for quite a while. Was diagnosed bipolar 2 in the beginning. Then at the end of 2016...I had a bad episode where I ended up being diagnosed bipolar 1. And since then I've bounced back and am better than ever! Of course I have my moments...however I feel like I'll always have to deal with the symptoms in a way. But I am better equipped to now. And can live a "normal" life where I can function day by day. So there is hope, it just takes patience and putting in the work to change. Trust me...I've been through it all. | 2bipolar
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Visited my parents last week, dad called me lazy out of nowhere and it plagued me. : TLDR, my parents cats got into the garbage and since I was in the next room my dad assumed that I heard the whole thing and didn’t do anything to stop them, because I’m “so lazy” and I’ve “always been so lazy.” I didn’t get diagnosed with ADHD until I was 20 (about 6 months ago), and everything has changed for me since then. I’m a completely new person, my GPA went from a .8 to a 3.4 this semester, and I just hate that I don’t even get a chance to change his impression of me. I talked to my therapist about it and have stopped hanging to this thought on so hard, but I wanted to share here. | 0adhd
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What did the WWII bombings of Japan do to the Japaneses culture and economics? : Did business stop for a day, a week? Was the tragedy similarly handled as Americans handled 9/11?
To inquire further, how did the nearby citizens react and how quickly did the average Japanese citizen find out? | 5none
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Did the forests of Vietnam ever recover after the war? What about the overall vegetation? : During the Vietnam War, Americans sprayed Agent Orange on many of Vietnam's jungle landscape to reveal Vietcong hiding places. While it failed to bring down the enemy, it did succeed in getting rid of the tree cover, plus poisoning the environment and the villagers and troops. After the war was over, how much of Vietnam's forest and the overall flora and fauna has survived. For areas that were bombarded and poisoned with Agent Orange, did the trees or vegetation grow back, do villagers still live in those areas affected by Agent Orange, what about the animals that used to roam around those areas? I'm aware that the effects of it still linger throughout the older generation, as seen by the birth defects and other health problems seen in those who lived throughout the war, but is the chemical "permanent" when trying to plant crops. Does Agent Orange "wear off" overtime and the environment returns back to "normal" again. Don't know much about how Agent Orange or how herbicides work in general, but I'd imagine that the constant rain and sunlight would break down the effects of agent orange. | 5none
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What were you like as a teenager? : I had mental illness problems since around 11, and started acting out at around 12
I started smoking at 12, drinking at 15, sh-ing at 11
I feel like I've been mostly depressive with some periods of hypomania until I turned 18 and had my first manic episode
Recently got diagnosed, but my last doctor was treating me for bipolar disorder while I was diagnosed with an unspecified mood disorder | 2bipolar
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How could I get to this? How have I come to want to kill myself and not even be able to talk about it with anyone? : I look back at my 35 years of life, and I only see failures, lost time and opportunities that others have been able to take and I have not.
I'm alone, I'm bad, I don't know how to get ahead, and the worst of all is that I can't even end my whole life, which I despise.
I can't even do that. | 4depression
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Examples of learning to lead a meaningful life without requiring a FP/partner/SO : I was wondering if there are examples you guys have of leading a meaningful life without having an FP/partner/SO present.
My therapist has likened the emptiness and chronic sense of abandonment one feels to a black hole which will always be present but one still needs to plant trees around the black hole so it reduces in prominence.
I've been trying to do that these past couple of months but there's nothing that comes close to replacing that desire to have someone take care of you, someone to fill that hole within.
I suspect if one has BPD and also has a supportive FP/partner/SO then over time with the help of therapy, one can get better and lead somewhat of a meaningful life.
However, I'm not sure if that is possible if one doesn't have any FP/partner/SO and never attains one either. I would love to be proven wrong though, I'd love for there to be some hope that things can get better without needing to have that fundamental desire met. But I just don't see how I could possibly get there. | 3bpd
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During the Vietnam war, if you reported one communist... : You would win one thousand dollars.
If you reported 2 communists, you would win 2 thousands dollars.
If you reported 3 communists, you would go to jail because you knew too many communists. | 5none
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Is it normal to have silent flashbacks? : During the Situation... I was unable to move/lost consciousness a couple times so my flashbacks don't result in me screaming, Other people can only notice it if they look at my pupils or hear my panicked breathing. For me they are very visual and usually accompanied with feelings of dirtyness and guilt/shame, a lot of times I faint afterwards. I feel invalid because they're not like the ones you see in movies. Anyone else? | 7ptsd
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So there was this man who wanted to be a train conductor (Long) : So he works really hard at it and one day his dream came true. He was driving his train one day when he got distracted and he crashed killing one passenger. In his country the punishment for this is the electric chair. So they strap him up and then asked if he had a last wish. He asked for 1 banana. Well it was a strange request but they still honored it. After he ate his banana they turned the machine on they heard it zap but the conductor was still fine. It was weird but they just let it go. A year or 2 later he somehow managed to get his job back and was driving the train again and, what do you know he crashed. But this time he killed 2 passengers. Well the trial happened he was getting the electric chair again and they strap him up again and then asked if he had a last wish. He asked for 2 bananas this time. they thought that it was a really strange request but they still honored it. After he ate his bananas they turned the machine on they heard it zap but the conductor was still fine. It was weird but they just let it go. So about 5 years later he managed to get his job back yet again. He is driving again and crashed yet again. Trial happened again he was sentenced to death by the chair again. they strap him up and then asked if he had a last wish. He asked for 3 bananas. This time the executioner yells NO BANANAS THIS TIME and turns on the machine. And what do you know the conductor lived. The executioner asks the conductor, "how do you still live?" The conductor replies "I guess I am just a bad conductor". | 5none
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OCD Stereotype : Does anyone else get upset when they see people misusing OCD? Like things like “I’m so OCD” when people just like being clean and organized? I know it’s annoying but sometimes it actually makes me upset and kinda sad, sometimes I feel like maybe I’m being too sensitive for being sad about that but like I struggle with it so much and then people just throw it around like it’s nothing or like in a positive way when it’s not a positive thing. | 6ocd
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how to not take things personally? : i’ve always had this issue. i think i’m too sensitive. i feel happy when people give me compliments, but when people are mean to me, i dwell on them. it could be a rude customer i was serving, a stranger who glared at me because i wasn’t looking where i was going, or a friend who made a slightly negative remark about my selfie.
i just feel so much and most of the times i felt so wronged. i felt like i had to justify and explain myself. i know such issues are not worth my time, but i don’t know how to stop feeling so shitty everytime something like that happens. even if i know that i’m not at fault, i kept replaying what had happened and telling myself that “if i had done this instead, maybe they wouldn’t be mad at me.” i could think about it for hours or even days and it really affects my ability to focus.
my friends say “you take things too personally. don’t let it get to your head, don’t take it to heart.” yes i know that i need to do that but i don’t exactly know how to do that. can anyone here share about the thought process i should be having to not take things personally? | 1anxiety
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My daughter is the only reason I'm still alive : I'm new here, will try to keep it short. I feel so lonely. I have no one to talk to. I've been suicidal and self-harming since I was a child. My dad was a mean drunk and my mom was an enabler, both are narcissists. I basically grew up not allowed to make mistakes and my mom had my (only) brother when I was 10, and basically parentified me. I was never allowed to go out or date, and honestly I think I changed more diapers than my parents did. I was forced to grow up fast. My mom admittedly intentionally turned my brother against me when I was about 13 because she thought she and my dad were getting divorced and she admitted to me she didn't care if my dad got custody of me, but she would do whatever needed to be done to make sure she got my brother (hence turning him against me). I'm now 27 and my brother and I have a terribly strained relationship.
I met and married my high school sweetheart who was also a manipulative narcissist, and sadly so was his entire family. I got pregnant 1 year into our marriage, and he decided to turn to heavy drugs and become physically and verbally abusive. Every time I tried to leave he'd threaten or manipulate me into coming back. Eventually he turned his entire family against me. They made me feel like it was my fault he was on drugs and the mom even said she didn't care to have a relationship with my daughter (her only grandchild). She said - and I quote - "there will be more grandchildren."
My daughter is now going on 3 years. I have a restraining order against my ex. He hasn't seen her since she was 1 year and 2 months. He's only allowed supervised visitation but he never utilizes it (which may be a good thing considering how toxic he and his family are).
Thankfully I am involved with a loving supportive man who provides for us and refers to my daughter as his own, and she adores him. We've been struggling financially (southern California rent prices are insane) so we've been contemplating moving somewhere cheaper when our lease is up. My parents are trying to guilt me into staying close by. They don't want me "taking their granddaughter" away.
On top of all this I've been working from home since March 2020 and feel like a prisoner. I loved my job up until my old manager quit. Now this new manager micromanages us and makes me do things out of my title and pay grade. It's become so stressful and overwhelming. They completely changed our processes. But I'm scared to leave because all in all it's a pretty chill job.
I don't enjoy things like I used to. My life is an endless struggle of redundancy. My partner took a new job that pays significantly more but he works from 11 pm to 8 am (my hours are 7 am to 3:30 pm) so we have literally no time together anymore. I don't have any friends. They've all either moved away or have no interest in hanging out; and because I'm an introvert and socially awkward I have serious trouble making new friends. I am unable to find joy in things that used to please me (i.e. singing, dancing, working out, etc.) I've been struggling with alcohol addiction for awhile now. It's the only thing I have to look forward to after a rough day (not good, I know. And I've been talking to psychiatrists about it).
I just don't see myself climbing out of this funk. I almost took my life once - I was rushed to the hospital and saved (thankfully), and then I found out exactly a week to that fateful day I was pregnant. I made a vow from that day forward to never harm myself again. And I haven't. But the thought still crosses my mind regularly. I know suicide isn't the solution and I don't want to leave my daughter without a mother. She's honestly the only thing keeping me going. If it weren't for her, I can honestly say I would not be here today.
But I just wish I could get rid of these horrible thoughts. They eat away at me. I can't even sleep without having constant nightmares.
Thanks for reading thus far. Any advice or just words of support would be much appreciated. | 4depression
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which is worse: to burn or to drown? (a poem on my bipolar disorder) : I dance on hot coals to a distant, frantic drumming only I can hear. I sing, my voice growing ever louder, carrying over the sounds of your screams. Laughter bubbles on my lips like the blisters on my feet.
I dance. I sing. I laugh.
When I tire, I soak my sore feet in gasoline. I wrap my toes in silk slippers and prepare for a new dance, a ballet between soft sheets. My lips whisper lies across your skin. My fingers are ablaze. I feel everything.
I set fire to our bed.
As my skin falls from my ribs in chunks, all I can feel is the warmth. I am blinded by brilliant orange light.
As I die, I imagine myself reborn from the ashes.
When I emerge, my wings are broken. I am no phoenix. I am naked. Shrivelled. Small.
I run across hard, frozen earth, fleeing a poison fog only I can see. I scream, my voice growing ever smaller, swallowed by the smog. Tears spill from my eyes like the rain from the clouds.
I run. I scream. I cry.
When I tire, I collapse on a thick sheet of ice. I wrap myself in powdered snow and prepare for hibernation, a long winter I fear will devour me. My lips whisper apologies in the night. My fingers are numb. I feel nothing.
I dive into the lake.
As my lungs fill with water, all I can feel is the cold. I am blinded by suffocating darkness.
As I die, I imagine myself dancing. | 2bipolar
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This curse has drained me emotionally so much to the point my body is being dragged along. : It has destroyed my relationships ever since I can remember. It has gotten me so tired my soul wants to leave my body. I get paranoid, I switch up, I start lying, I cry, and it goes all over again and again. It has for years. I currently go to therapy but I do not think it's helped me one bit. I want to heal beacsude I don't wanna lose more people in my life. I only have a couple left. I love my boyfriend but this is destroying me. I'm sick and I find it harder to manage as days go by. I don't think I can deal with the weight of having 10 different lives and having to sort them accordingly. In the end I'm one person and I wish I could just be selflessly happy without altering my reality and dragging the people I care about the most to end up pushing them away like I did with my family too. I'm just exhausted. | 3bpd
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HUGE BREAKTHROUGH TODAY IN THERAPY!!! : So I’ve been in and out of therapy the past 4 years. I’ve had addictions. Been homeless. Psychosis. Pushed a shitton of people, opportunities, and love away. I’ve gotten to the point of sincerely giving up hope and getting on disability and drinking my sorrows away. But today, there was finally some fucking HOPE. I’ve had a new therapist (female) and I am male. I’ve been meeting with her for like a month. Today she somehow opened up the child inside me that has been lost for a long time. Idk how she did it, but she’s one of the few people I’ve ever felt legitimately safe with. She had me refer to my child self in the third person. Asking me how HE feels. Not how my “adult self” is supposed to feel. Which is the cover I’ve put on to hide my inner child. This is literally the first time anyone has broken through to him and made him feel safe enough to express his emotions. Catharsis is the best way to describe it. I feel lighter. I feel like there’s hope. If you haven’t found the right therapist, please don’t give up your search. It is so so important to find someone that your inner child can trust. Good luck friends, -Bo | 3bpd
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Does anyone find high levels stress exacerbates OCD? : Background: Diagnosed OCD, with bouts of severe anxiety. For many years I was successful with a Prozac and low-dose Xanax mix.
The month after my first child was born my doctor quit his practice. This was almost 2 years ago. I've saved the Xanax I hoarded for extreme situations. Yet to find a new doctor because I was told Xanax is no longer prescribed, so I better get ready for that glorious release from the OCD to magically disappeared.
My...not problem is...and it's more just being overwhelmed...is we found out in December, unexpectedly, that were having a second child. Our stress levels have gone through the roof, and as a consequence my OCD has just come even harder and more angry than before.
It's becoming difficult to support my pregnant wife when I'm breaking locks from checking them so much.
What can I do? Find a doctor, with the terrifying realization that my "cure mechanism" is not good anymore?
Sorry, this got long, but how can Stress and OCD stop interfering with my ability to be a good husband and father?
My worst fear is my son will eventually understand my habits and not respect me as an adult, or worse, also be OCD. | 6ocd
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Derry Girls: Looking for a good resource to educate teen about The Troubles : Hey guys.
So, my teenage daughter has been watching "Derry Girls" on Netflix and is interested in learning more about The Troubles. Could any of y'all point me to a good resource (preferably a nicely done podcast or YouTube video) that would concisely give context to the events of the show to an American teenager?
Thanks!
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EDIT: I'd also be really interested in hearing from anyone who has watched the show before and has pretty good knowledge of what it was like there in Derry in the early 90s. I'm just curious if the show is presenting what it was like there at the time in a reasonable manner, or if it's completely over-dramatized. | 5none
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A resource for our veteran members: Headstrong Project- Free and comprehensive help for PTSD in the New York Metro area, Houston, and San Diego/Riverside County. : [**Headstrong Project**](http://getheadstrong.org) (from their website):
In partnership with Weill Cornell Medical College, one of the nation’s leading mental health care centers, we have developed a first of its kind, comprehensive treatment program for veterans in need.
* Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – Anxiety and Depression
* Anger Management
* Trauma, Grief, and Loss
* Addiction Treatment
 
Innovative and individually tailored treatment plans for Iraq and Afghanistan veterans. Cost-free. Bureaucracy-free. Treatments include:
* Psychiatric Assessment
* Individual Psychotherapy – EMDR
* CBT
* Mind-Body Techniques
* Motivational Interviewing
 
**Join the Headstrong Community Veterans helping Veterans**
* One-on-One Support
* Weekly Groups
* Yoga for Warriors, Kayaking, Rock Climbing
 
**Support group for loved ones**
Support group for wives/partners and significant others to provide them with support strategies, psycho-education, mutual assistance and emotional support. | 7ptsd
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Is being a loser ever excusable if it’s due to mental illness? : I’ll be turning 24 in June and I still haven’t figured out my life yet. I have zero aspirations in life, which at my age is considered pathetic by many people. It’s hard to have aspirations in life when you can’t even decide whether or not you even want to stick around any longer. Then there’s the feelings of social anxiety and intellectual ineptitude because of chronic brain fog. I don’t feel like I can really do anything and so I don’t feel that it’s even worth trying.
I keep thinking about what everyone thinks of me, and how much of a bum they all think I am. I don’t believe I would have anyone’s support if I revealed to them my issues. Nothing will excuse my lack of success in life. Every passing year as I get older and older, the more humiliated and ashamed I feel about myself. Things only get worse with time. | 4depression
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I have 65 tabs open... : Plot twist: on google chrome, but I also have mozilla firefox opened with 43 tabs open that I refuse to close.
I keep thinking 'No i might need this' LOL
What about you | 0adhd
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My ADHD superpower is the ability to interpret every instruction/direction in 2 completely opposite ways. : When ever anyone gives me instructions, my brain always comes up with multiple ways the instructions can be interpreted. I'll think I inderstand while I'm being told but when I get to the action, I'll notice something that suggests they might've meant something other than what I thought I understood. Sometimes it happens a few steps in and sometimes the very first step will stump me. I makes me feel stupid and I hate it. | 0adhd
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The 5 by 5 rule helps me get out of my head : I read somewhere this rule, and it might seem cliche or whatever but the more I try and remind myself, the easier it helps me cope when I can't stop worrying about that thing I did/said/should've done and can't let it go:
5 by 5: If it's not going to matter in 5 years, don't spend more than 5 minutes thinking about it.
Edit- More context: It's saying for example; I feel really anxious after my boss mentioned I did something small wrong, and even though I know it won't affect my career and my boss is friendly I'm full of anxiety that I'm an idiot.
I then think, is this tiny mistake that I made today, going to have any bearing on my life in five years time? No, so I should just stop thinking about it and move on.
Even if it doesn't take effect immediately, it's repetition of identifying your thoughts that does the trick.
I've had anxiety for over a decade now, and there are definitely situations the rule doesn't work, as plenty of people keep pointing out in the comments. I get that, and I don't think any single technique will apply to every scenario when it comes to anxiety, but you want to utilize as many techniques as possible, right?
I'm just saying, from my own experience, rationalising the actual impact (or lack of) that tiny situations I fret over will actually have in the future, works.
Think small and start small. You might have anxious thoughts more than you realise, but you need to take note when it happens, and how big a deal the situation really is.
IF you know at the time it's no biggie, I remind myself, "I know this won't affect me in five years. It's just a little speed bump, but it's not worth investing time and emotion in to". I have told myself this repeatedly a few times now, and I relax pretty quickly after. It's a habit you need to form. I fully understand how people can interpret this to be like saying "Well to tell myself to stop thinking something is like saying, just stop worrying and just be happy". But this is something you are actually being mindful about, recognising that your thoughts come from anxiety and not necessarily a rational place, and making the conscious effort to put a stop to it. Of course it's not always going to be possible, but just keep at it and you'll find it gets easier.
2nd edit: I think most valid reason for thinking this rule is stupid, is because maybe you're thinking off applying it in situations that ARE important and anxiety inducing.
You're anxious about the fact that you have ten dollars in your bank account? Guess what? That's a very valid concern and genuine stressor for any human. This rule will not apply, and no sorry I don't have some other solution for this because a) I'm not a psychologist and b) I'm still trying to fix my own problems, I'm just here to share a rule that may or may not apply in some way in your life.
You're anxious because someone mentioned that you have a weird laugh? Then apply this rule. Sometimes I go one slightly morbid step further and think, on my deathbed, is this going to be something that I wish I had done differently?
So I'm dying, do I think, damn I wish my laugh wasn't so hideous? If I could have just changed that ONE thing, it would be my laugh?
I highly doubt it. It's all about putting things in to perspective and as my title says, getting out of my head. | 1anxiety
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I lost my girlfriend today. "You don't show you care enough." : "Sometimes it's like you're not there."
"We've talked about this a hundred times. You don't seem to want to put in the effort."
I always wanted to. Of course I did. And in many ways, I did put in effort. Just not ways that she wanted or noticed. Of course, that's easy for me to say - selective memory and all that.
I'm absolutely heartbroken, guys. I'd do anything to get her back, but a rubicon has been crossed, and all the reasons for leaving may as well have been a list of ADHD relationship clichés. They're also aspects of myself I'm painfully aware of and loathe, so it's just an extra kick in the teeth to see your own negative opinion of yourself vindicated.
I'm at an absolute loss. I'm 27 and was only diagnosed 18 months ago. | 0adhd
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How I Took Back my Mind. “The Dolphin Method.” : Over the course of some days , as I tried to sleep I’d be unable due to unwanted imagery or suggestions flew into my head. I noticed as we close our eyes all we REALLY experience is a blank space , I see it as a fully black room. I took this realization to quickly imagine ME myself as Spider-Man (sounds very goofy but those classic movie binges saved me) exploring the city past the intrusions at the ground floor and FOR ONCE there was no imagery and I was able to fall asleep soon after peacefully. This is what brought me to the idea WE can utilize this blank space to envision ourself in a place where no harm , no malice nothing of bad intent can ever reach us. This blank space uses our imagination to escape these thoughts. I was never one to imagine I’m very unaware of my thought so for this you’ll need to harness the likes of anything you find you enjoy TRULY like a video game or movie character you can relate to. I took this time to realize I find the safest place to set my mind at default is “ Atlantis “ where I swim as a dolphin with another friend who’s also a dolphin and we’re at peace swimming In a safe open but free ocean. Beautiful colors and the feeling of peace.
Specifically the method goes:
Focus on the blank space when you close your eyes. Imagine yourself somewhere like Atlantis. Blue oceans, blue skies. Imagine yourself as a dolphin in the safest sea. Swimming with other dolphins in this safe space. There is no harm in this Atlantis, it doesn’t exist. Think like you don’t want to think think loosely breathe and try to be free. Focus but not too hard just let be and envision yourself , it can be anywhere comfortable. Somewhere like a dream
Visit.
This is only a suggestion but I hope it helps in someway. After months of my minds invasion I can truly say mental illness does not define me. It will never define you either , keep hope my friend , you are never alone , you are not one in a million you are the million in one. BE FREE!! <3 | 6ocd
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Just realized that I still actually enjoy my usual activities, it's just my Depression™ making me feel disinterested in literally everything. : The past few months I've felt really disconnected from literally everything I enjoy.
Drawing? Nah
Gaming? Nah
NSFW Activities? HECK NAH
Thought I was just "outgrowing" it all. Today I remembered I have god damn clinical depression.
OOF | 4depression
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Pulled a full ADHD moment today : Basically i decided i would go and have a napat around 7pm. I woke up and saw a light outside so i thought “oh its morning!” So i get into my messy routine and take my meds then look at the time and my face drops. Its 10pm and the light outside was a street light.
I have now completed 3 drawings and beat Minecraft twice in the past 5 hours.
Its like 3am where i am
ScorpioElite out | 0adhd
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Have a desire to do things but no desire to carry through. What is wrong with me? : Whenever I get the desire to create something it seems to be only about the end goal. For example, I was at the Comic Con recently and felt a strong desire to learn to draw and paint afterwards, but when I think about the action of doing it, it seems exhausting.
I also use to be the bassist in a band (many many years ago) and have no desire to pick up the instrument. I've thought about learning to produce electronic music since I have an interest in synthesizers, but at the same time I don't really wanna do it. It's interesting but not enough to take action on.
When I used to play guitar/bass on my own (outside of a group) I would typically learn half or a third of a song and move on to the next one instead of finishing it.
There used to be a time where I dabbled in many different hobbies, but I never dove that deep into any. Now I can't even do that; all I can do is browse the internet or watch tv. I don't want to even play games anymore. Recently got an oculus rift and somehow that's not even stimulating enough to bother with after a few days of using it.
It seems that the primary motivator in life has been fear. Fear of lack of money. Fear of my tiny family dwindling. It's been enough to help me keep up a 3.7 GPA. I have a Bachelor of Science and about to finish my Master of Science, but I don't even wanna be pursuing a career in the field I'm studying anymore. However, there is nothing else I'm good at and I've accumulated a massive debt that I need to pay off while pursuing my masters.
I'm not sure if there is a way to get out of this funk since it's all I know, but it's making life increasingly meaningless. I eat well (aside from drinking a few days a week), meditate, try to keep up a good sleep schedule, but I always seem to return to this dull funk. Not sure what's wrong with me and what to do about it.
-- tl;dr --
I find things I'm interested in but have no desire to take action on them. Would love to be able to write my own book, graphic novel, song, but the act of learning to do it and taking action on it seems like climbing Mount Everest during a never-ending snow storm. No view to enjoy and too high to ever scale, but still a hope that the top would be interesting. | 0adhd
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SOS my sister is cutting herself : Alright, I thought I would never do this but here I'm.
It's been something like 3 months since my sister started seeing a doctor about her situation. She looked fine, until I saw all that blood and the marks on her skin two weeks ago.
I tried reaching her and told her if she wanted to talk about it I'm here for her and I wont judge her. She never said a word.
Last night she was studying for a test till late night. I noticed she was a little ackward but I decided to let it go. By the morning when I woke up she already went to college. I went to feed the doga and saw a massive amount of blood on a chair and on the ground. Crime scene level of blood. I went to her room and picked up the pijamas she was wearing last night and it was covered in blood.
My mother found out as well and her first words were: "she is going to kill herself". And immediatelly started crying a lot and locked herself inside her room. My mother suffers from depression and is trying hard to fight her way out of it. But since we discovered that my sister is cutting herself she got a lot worse.
I have no idea about what to do. I have a younger brother at the age of 10 that is constantly seeing my mother crying. I can't handle to see my sister kill herself, my mother dying from depression and my little brother future being ruined from the trauma of it all.
I need any advice you can give me. I never thought my sister could actually commiy suicide until last night. And now I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry if this is not the place for that post. Please guide me to the right place if that is not the case.
Edit: my sister is a medicine student and has been using scalpels/bistoury to harm herself.
She is refusing to see her therapist. She claims she is just fine.
Edit: my mother said that the therapist diagnosed my sister with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Last night my sister told that it started at the age of 13. What I believe to be a lie. My family used to went to the beach almost every weekend and we never saw anything before. | 4depression
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Ancient Pandemics: What did Marcus Aurelius think when the plague hit Rome during his reign? : I was wondering whether Marcus Aurelius wrote anything in his journals about the plague that was in Rome during his reign.
Also what did other ancient writers write about the plagues in the ancient world? Especially with ways to cope with them. For example, there was a plague that hit Athens under Pericles.
Did any of the writers note any lessons? For example on social distancing? | 5none
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Where did people (in cities) work before the industrial revolution? : Paris for example had a population of 300.000 in 1600, where then did people work? I don't suppose everybody was a merchant, craftsman, govermemt offical etc. There were also no factories (or were there?), so i'm a bit puzzled with how cities worked before the modern era.
Edit: Ok, so I only just opened reddit (one day after I posted this) and I'm completely surprised by the attention this post has gotten! Thanks to everyone who commented and thank you for the silver! Time to read the comments now...
Edit 2: Once again thank you for the interesting answers, I have a much better picture of city life in pre-modern times! | 5none
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I sometimes doubt I have depression? : I'm pretty sure I've had depression for 2-3 years, but sometimes I doubt whether I actually have depression or if I just lack motivation/passion. I went to my gp last week and she diagnosed me with depression, and I'm seeing a psychologist next week, but I'm sometimes not sure.
It started in my last year of high school, and during this time I hated school and barely studied, and had this weird mixture of intense fear of not being accepted into university, as well as not even caring. Before this I actually enjoyed school and was a fairly good student. I managed to get into uni, and I get by with decent grades, although a lot of my assignments are done last minute/ late and with little effort/care.
I realise now that I basically have no passions. I used to be quite an avid reader, and liked learning new things in general, and also enjoyed watching thought provoking films (sorry if that sounds pretentious) regularly, but now I can't really concentrate. I kind of feel stupid at the moment. Also something that I've realised is that I constantly feel like I'm in a dream like state, like everything is fuzzy (the closest I can compare it to is when you feel tipsy, minus the nice feelings that come with being tipsy).
I also feel sad regularly (I cried for three days straight last week, and I also cried today) , but this was triggered by a relationship problem (long story short, it's a pretty complicated relationship, but I've only dated her for two months), but I've been feeling down for the past couple of years. Sometimes when I'm feeling really down I won't even shower for a couple of days, unless I have to go out somewhere.
I sometimes have suicidal thoughts, but I don't think I could actually do it and have never planned anything, it's more just suicide ideation. I generally think about dying/ have negative thoughts.
However, I can be cheered up, especially if I socialise with friends, and still enjoy going out (particularly if I can drink and dance, as I can forget about my problems lol), so sometimes I think I may not actually be depressed. Usually I get kind of 'down' after going out though, the day after, like a realise it was only a temporary high or something?? I do have a job, but it's only casual, and I hardly get any shifts (haven't had any in the past week), and I've never felt like I can't go to work, but the really down episodes usually don't occur when I have work on anyway. I've never felt so depressed that I can't go to uni/work. This is basically why I doubt myself. Does anyone have any advice?
Btw sorry if there are any typos, I didn't really proofread.
| 4depression
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I got the dog! : I posted the other day about my huge anxiety around adopting a dog. I had 3 panic attacks in as many days, worried I wouldn’t be able to handle a dog because of my depression and anxiety. I was sure I would be a terrible dog mom, and that was taking over all of my thoughts. All of the replies were so helpful, and I ended up reaching out for support from some friends. I decided I was ready and adopted the pup! He came home yesterday and he’s the sweetest, cutest, most perfect dog. I’m so glad I didn’t let my anxiety ruin this for me. Now all that’s left is to pick a name! | 1anxiety
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In the finals of the athletic tournament there are two runners, one from USA, second from USSR... : USA runner arrives at the finish line first and USSR runner second.
Headlines in the Western newspapers: "Our runner gets a first place and USSR runner second"
Headlines in the USSR newspapers: "Our comrade runner got the second place and the capitalist sportsman got second from the last" | 5none
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I can no longer see my future.. : So here's a little background about myself.
Attempted suicide roughly 8 years ago and was having serious depression.. saw a psychiatrist and medication. Gradually stopped medication after trying cannabis.
My mood became much better and my life slowly picked up. Relationship with friends and family became much better. Also achieved my first class honors and got my dream job.
But here's the thing. Cannabis is illegal in my country and I was intending to keep this secret till my grave.. expecting myself to be able to just feel a little happiness and to cope with life.. till I got arrested for drug abuse.. despite smoking it on and off throughout the week.
Everything is over now. I'm currently on bail and I'm really can't see anything else right now. I'm feeling super fucking devastated and I really don't wish to live anymore. Fuck me. Fuck everything. | 4depression
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Some advice for those with ADHD suffering through school : So, I'm a college student. I have ADHD (thankfully I have a Rx for Vyvanse now) and school has always been hell for me. My first semester of college was a disaster and my grades tanked. I've always left things for the last second, ignored or allowed myself to forget assignments, and when the due dates came and went I'd either scramble to turn in a shitty rushed project or ignore it altogether, shielded by total apathy. This semester I managed to break out of my habits, and it's been a total fucking turnaround.
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**Step one;** Wake up early, go to bed early(ish).
I wake up way before any of my classes. By the time I'm ready, it's a good 2-3 hours before I even go in. This is important; it gives me ample time to do any assignments I have pending, and this time allows me to relax and do my work at my own pace. I have class Monday-Thursday, and in total I average \~20 hours a week for schoolwork. Just from waking up early and doing my assignments in the morning (usually between 8am-2pm, depending on the day).
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**Step two;** Do your work as soon as possible
This is the toughest for me and still is. I try to do all my assignments at most a week in advance, and at minimum 3 days before the due date. Small things should ALWAYS be done first, it'll give you a sense of accomplishment as well as encourage you to keep going. An important thing about the small assignments too is that I would always leave them "for later" because I'd think that since they're so easy, I can push it back to some other day. Then I'd forget, and get a 0 on them. If the small assignment is taking you longer than an hour or two to finish, stop and take a 30 minute break before you fry yourself. (**Note:** You can also start your day with 30 minutes or so of doing whatever the fuck you want and goofing off; I've found this helps me control my temptation to open Reddit/Youtube).
For the bigger assignments; break them up into chunks. If time allows, start them a full week in advance or more. Allow yourself 30-45 minutes a day to work on them, then take a break. Increase the time you give yourself according to how much/little time you have to work on it.
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**Step three;** Schedule your day(s) and give yourself time to relax
A reminder app is your friend. I use the remind app on my phone religiously, and I can literally forget about whatever I want and the app with remind me to do something at the day/time I set it to remind me. It's a godsend and my scatterbrain wouldn't function without it. It's also super satisfying and rewarding scrolling through all the completed reminders, it helps me feel like I'm actually doing things right and accomplishing them.
As for relaxation: Be super fucking strict about it. You need time for leisure or you'll burn out, regardless of everything I said above. Monday-Thursday the time dedicated to anything school related is 7am to 5pm. Fridays I have no school, and so I dedicate that day to finishing up anything I didn't get to (I allow myself to work on assignments from 7am-3pm, no class means all that time is devoted purely to schoolwork). Past that, **unless it is very urgent,** is time dedicated to me, my SO, and family. Weekends are the same story; off limits to schoolwork unless it is urgent.
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**So basically:** Organize yourself. Plan to do assignments in advance. Do things as early as can be, it's relaxing to work at your own pace with no worries about the due date. Dedicate time for leisure that is ONLY for leisure so you can allow yourself to throw out any worries you have about assignments. These habits were hard for me to form, but now they're second nature to me.
I really hope this helps anyone. Not every strategy is a "one size fits all" but this one worked for me, and I hope it works for someone out there too.
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I'm in a slump where nothing is interesting, stimulating or funny. It's just pure apathy. : I sometimes get into a slump lasting from days to weeks where absolutely nothing is stimulating to me. Conversations are boring, working out is boring, Vyvanse does nothing, coffee doesn't work, nothing works. I just want to sleep because real life is soooo boring...
I'm diagnosed with depression and on SSRI's, but I believe that my depression is caused by ADHD, not the other way around. I just can't get out of this stupid apathy. No drugs, no amounts of working out, no music, no hobbys, no people, nothing can make me feel engaged or content.
It's like I'm on this constant search for "something", I just don't know what it is. It's just a feeling that something is missing you know? I watch video after video, I drink one coffee after another, I chew one nicotine gum after another, I push myself hard at the gym, I work my ass off at work, hoping that my brain will release some of that dopamine, but sometimes like today it simply refuses. It's like my brain sometimes just decides that it's going to disallow any form of pleasure or positive feelings, and I hate it.
The weird thing is that this fluctuates, tomorrow I might feel confident, on top of the world and ready to go get it, or I might feel numb and hopeless. I have no way of controlling this 😅
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And I've tried everything trust me - working out, eating healthy, getting more sunlight, eating vitamins, getting blood tests, therapist, SSRIS, anxiety meds, stimulants, self-help books and the list goes on and on. I recognise that this is something I just have to live with.
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Do you ever get this feeling, and if so how do you combat it? 🙂 | 0adhd
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Shaving pre razors : I recently got a straight razor shaving kit and it has a sense of grandeur when one uses it. It's a traditional tool that has taken some practice to utilize properly (and I never have to buy shitty razor cartridges again). But it got me thinking about what we used for hair removal before razors and lovely shaving soaps came around? I know cavemen used rocks and sea shells, but how did we get from that to razor blades? | 5none
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Looking for advice about work and BPD : Hi everyone, I was diagnosed with BPD in September last year. I've been looking for a job for 6 weeks or so - had an interview last month and didn't get the job, but I felt good about it anyway because I managed to go without having a meltdown!
Anyway, tomorrow I have another job interview. I feel totally different about this one. I am struggling to care about this potential new job. I am struggling to care about anything at all really. I have been feeling this way for around 2 weeks. I've been trying to ignore it and trying to power through but it just isn't working. I had a meeting with my social worker today and just broke down in tears. She asked me what was wrong (apart from the joblessness thing) and I couldn't explain why I've been feeling so shitty. She recommended I go back on disability benefits and cancel the interview, but tbh I just don't know what to do and how to feel at the moment.
I thought I was ready to go back to work but now I'm not so sure.
Have any of you guys ever experienced anything similar? | 3bpd
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I need to be doing something. . . : I would like to be playing with my kids. Also, I have materials to put in the baseboard and new ceiling downstairs. I have the wood to finish the drawers on the 95% completed laundry hutch, just need to drill 4 holes, put on the drawer pulls, attach the front, and paint the drawers. I have a D&D campaign I want to start, just need to sit down and write out the basic plot arch. I also worked 55 hours this week and feel like I needed to keep working because I didn't get enough done. I'm also trying to get (back) into Gold rank on my main video game. We have several shows we're season's behind on. I need to clean my aquarium and do a water change. Laundry and dishes are somewhere on this list. And at some point I should probably eat.
So... I'll just watch youtube.
:( | 0adhd
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Favourite Period in History? : Simple question really, I just finished my History degree and i'm curious what periods interest people the most and why.
For me it's got to be 20th & 21st century, but I also really enjoy the Classical era and Late Modern era. As for why I just really enjoy seeing all of the links between events and all of the culture that goes along with it, which is definitely easier in modern history than other periods.
What about you? | 5none
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Health Anxiety, constant waves of worry? : Does anyone ever get, when you’re starting to get over an episode worry of illness, that your mind starts telling you to worry about another type of illness or different area of your body and then feel as if youre falling into a new episode of worry?
I feel like this is for sure my anxiety trying to find a source of worry, and I know that it’s happening but cant help to worry about worrying.
Has anyone had this before and if so, how do you help it? I feel like im one piece away from completing the puzzle and on the rise of healing from HA, but when this happens it can feel like such a pull back in.
Ona better note, going through posts on this sub and others about anxiety really reassure you that youre not going nuts and that theres other people exactly in the same spot, much love to you all! | 1anxiety
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Can jokes be sentimental? : A man is sitting next to the crib of his newborn baby. From the other room his father comes in and lays a hand on his shoulder.
"You did real good, son. You're going to make a great dad."
The son looks up and smiles with a bit of anxiety in his voice. "Thanks, Dad. I really hope so."
The father pulls out a small book from his back pocket and hands it to his son. "Now that you're a dad, I want you to have this. I studied it for the first year of your life and memorized every single one. I want you to use it for my grandson."
"The son looks at the cover which is titled **1000 Dad Jokes To Annoy Your Kids."**
The son looks up at his father with tears in his eyes. "Dad...I'm honored."
The father smiles. "Hello, honored. I'm, Dad. | 5none
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Post-OCD depression : My cycling: mild OCD => moderate OCD => severe OCD => almost no OCD with severe depression. After depression: mild OCD for some time and than again. Why? | 6ocd
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What was Paulus' reasoning for keeping on pushing through Stalingrad? : Apart from Hitler telling him so, why bother with a city that was already in rubble, with all its infrastructure destroyed? Could the nazis have gained more ground by rerouting their troops to get past the wolga somewhere else or am I missing something here? | 5none
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I hit rock bottom : My partner told me to my face that this has got serious, to a severe degree and that I need to seek help in amongst a very terrible night and a lot of tears.
This was the rock bottom I hit at it’s worst, I needed to hear it. Before OCD had slowly been creeping in my life in different ways over a long period of time, til one habit caught me and became worse and worse til the point it exploded and I felt like I was drowning. Looking back on my life it’s always been there, and started as a trauma response when I was barely a tween. From thoughts like “step on the leaf on the sidewalk or you’ll die” when I was 11, to checking my parents were breathing at night or “something bad will happen”. Progressing through to adulthood where violent and weird thoughts would hit me and would make me sick to my stomach. To now, where I gained a toothache and convinced myself my tooth was crumbling out of my head so I wiggled it to check it, over and over and over, never believing my constant checks to the point it was so sore I was sure I’d killed my tooth. I’m still dealing with this physical pain now that I did to myself from that and I’m still scared I’ve caused expensive damage to my teeth.
I finally got myself started on a mental health assessment, but it’s a slow process. One thing I was told was that people who deal with trauma become so sensitive to everything around them they are constantly scanning for threats. Coupled with OCD where quite literally everything is a threat it’s a nightmare. My boyfriend is an absolute blessing to me, I don’t seek reassurance from him ever but he’s always supporting me, to hear his words of concern was a real wake up call. It’s early days yet but I’m working on talking to my OCD positively (it hates it), laughing off thoughts, being kind to myself if I relapse, and congratulate myself on small successes. I’ve been doing my best to record my mood/journal, I’ve started meditating and in the new year I plan to get therapy for the trauma I endured as a child.
I don’t know why hitting rock bottom changed the course of my life but I’m glad I’ve made a lot of progress. I don’t know why I was even compelled to write this, but there is hope for you. 💜 | 6ocd
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As always, I am so thankful for this community. : Seeing anti-psychiatry on Reddit and people calling for banning of mental health medications (obviously just a vocal minority of course) makes me so sad. I feel so much safer in this community, and thank you everyone for creating a space where we can be open and honest. I appreciate everyone here so much. | 2bipolar
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Not Recognizing Abuse/Trauma Until After It Happened : Is there a word/term/concept for not recognizing/realizing that something was traumatic or abusive until long after it happened?
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I am really bad at this and I think it's part of repressing trauma. I am processing a lot of childhood trauma in therapy rn, but I've done this with adult trauma before as well.
For example, a little over a decade ago, I was almost kicked out of an online group for describing a pretty graphic rape experience I had with my ex without giving any trigger warnings or spoilers. I was shocked when a moderator messaged me that I was permabanned from the group and that I had triggered a bunch of survivors. She ended up unbanning me after we had a conversation and she realized that I had not understood that I was describing a brutal rape experience. I had posted because I didn't understand why I was still upset about an experience I had had several years prior and, in my own head, "it was just sex I didn't want to have" which was, somehow, a different bucket than "rape." (No, I don't know how "sex I didn't want to have" and "rape" were different categories in my head, but they were and sometimes still are.)
Obviously I was traumatized by the experience and that's why I was posting about it in the online group - I was trying to process what happened. It was just in my own head, I was telling myself that it couldn't possibly actually be trauma or something as serious as rape - it was just sex I didn't want to have.
I do the same about my parents, which is compounded by years of doctors and therapists telling me the same mantra that they did - my parents love me and have the best intentions for me and anything they are doing/did is/was for my own good. (Spoilers: This is a lie and I'm working on figuring out a better narrative. Living my childhood in fear of conversion therapy is not a childhood of love.)
I just feel like if there is a term/word/concept for this kind of adaptive repression - it allowed me to get through the time and space of trauma - maybe I can find some books/articles/research about getting to a better place. | 7ptsd
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Water : Let me be the perfect person you want,
Because I crave to be needed,
For someone to notice,
To feel a miniscule of the massive emotion I feel,
Yin and yang, light and dark,
I can be it all within a moment. | 3bpd
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