nodemixaholic/text-of-the-net · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 1 1.14M ⌀
Want kinda question is that?
The "yes" or "no" kind.
Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes?
Yess.
Are you gonna build them?
Noo.
Then what good was the "yes"?
Wait, iii... is loving me the house or the homeless people?
Loving you is work, Jerry, hard work, like building a homeless shelter. Nobody want to say "no" to doing it, but some people put the work in. So what do ya say? Do you see me working here? Does this conversation seem tedious to me?
Sort of.
But I obviously sort of love you, don't I? So stop asking and maybe I'll love you more. Crap, They need me at the horse hospital.
This late?
The racetrack had a starlit derby, there's a seven horse collision, and Davin's there alone.
Hey there, Jessica. Whooa-whoopsie!
Omigod, Morty. You look REALLY nice tonight.
WOW, thanks!
I love you, Morty. I love you so much it burns!
Oh man. I love you too, Jessica!
Is this punk bothering you, Jessica?
LEAVE HIM ALONE, JERK! I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM! HE'S MORE MAN THEN YOU WILL EVER BE!
Aw man, Morty, ugh, I'm really sorry.
Oh, well, no problem Brad.
There's somethin' special bout you, somethin' special.
Whoa, take it easy!
GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!
BACK OFF I'M TRYING TO BE WITH MY MAN!
That's enough Bradley. We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm.
Oh, Principal Vagina.
Never leave me, Morty, NEVER.
Uh, sure. I mean, of course not. What do you think that was all about?
Who cares? Just hold me.
LET ME GO!!! I LOVE YOU MORTY!
She's gonna be alone with that guy all night.
Yeah, Dad, digging around the inside of horses. It's not a very romantic setting.
Hurry up Morty, Grampa's about to unfreeze time. You know you really should be cleaning from top to bottom.
I know how to vacuum Mom and Dad, Summer, I've been doing it for six months!
Then you've been doing it wrong for six months. Oh, my God, is that mildew?
It's not my fault we froze time on a humid day!
You have dropped so many balls, man. Do you ever get scared Grampa Rick might make me his new sidekick?
What? What kind of monster are you?
A competent one.
Who cares about the thing you guys are talking about? The whole point of freezing time is to stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad and let's get this dumb universe rolling. Let's do this thing.
Alright, listen, you two, we froze time for a pretty long time, so when I unfreeze it, the world's time is gonna be fine, but our time's gonna need a little time to, you know, stabilize.
Our time is gonna be unstable? What does that even mean?
It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty. I thought you learned that by now. It also means don't touch your parents or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards.
Wait a minute, what?
And away we go!
Uh, did we ever put that mattress under Mr. Benson?
Shhh, Morty!
...A THING OR TWO ABOUT... wait, what? Was the house...? When we pulled up I could have sworn the house was completely trashed.
Negative visualization, Jerry. It explains a lot about where you're at. Hi, sweety.
Hi, dad.
Summer, Morty, are you okay?
W-We just missed you a lot.
Yeah, we missed you so much. Too much to hug you though.
Yeah it would literally destroy them. Now listen, why do—why do—why—why don't you guys go get a free sunday ice cream, go out there and get some ice creams. Here's five hundred dollars cash in unmarked moneys. I'm just gonna put it on the floor and uh, kick it on over to ya. You guys go nuts.
This better not be a bribe. If I find a single thing out of place in this house, my love of ice cream won't save you. I'll get my jacket.
Sweety, is your shirt on backwards?
Oh!
Uh oh.
Yeah, I like it this way. I'm not stupid.
Phew...
Man that guy is the Red Grin Grumble to pretending he knows what's going on. Oh you agree, huh? You like that Red Grin Grumble reference? Well guess what? I made him up. You really are your father's children. Think for yourselves, don't be sheep.
God, I feel terrible.
Yup, it really makes you appreciate how fickle the universe can be. One minute you're falling off a roof for six months, the next minute, bam!
Uh, just to be clear, it was Summer's job to put the mattress under-
Uh, what? It was your job, Morty.
Nuh uh!
Yeah huh!
Actually, sorry Summer, I gotta back the M bomb on this one. I remember the conversation. We told Morty to replace all the bank's money with cookies, your job was to put the mattress under Mr. Benson.
Boom! In your face Summer! You really dropped the ball, man.
Shut up Morty, you vindictive little turd!
You shut up you big... female asshole!
I didn't!
You didn't what?
What's yours?
You shut up!
Whoa whoa wh-what the hell hell hell hell hell?
Oh God, oh no, what did you guys just do?
What do you mean?
Wait, what am I saying?
Were either of you guys uncertain about anything just now?
Oh man... I don't feel good.
Am I me? I think so.
A-am I talking right now?
Wait, who said that?
Alright both of you, just don't move, don't speak, don't think. I have to check something.
What should we do Morty?
Let's see if he needs help.
What do you mean you're gonna help him.
Ugh, I can help too.
What's happening Grampa?
Shut up! Oh crap are you kidding me? Two dots? This never needs to be more than one dot. The two of you made us uncertain!
What do you mean?
What? In English?
What? English please?
Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical.
But I thought there were infinite timelines.
We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look.
Oh, my God!

Want kinda question is that?

The "yes" or "no" kind.

Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes?

Yess.

Are you gonna build them?

Noo.

Then what good was the "yes"?

Wait, iii... is loving me the house or the homeless people?

Loving you is work, Jerry, hard work, like building a homeless shelter. Nobody want to say "no" to doing it, but some people put the work in. So what do ya say? Do you see me working here? Does this conversation seem tedious to me?

Sort of.

But I obviously sort of love you, don't I? So stop asking and maybe I'll love you more. Crap, They need me at the horse hospital.

This late?

The racetrack had a starlit derby, there's a seven horse collision, and Davin's there alone.

Hey there, Jessica. Whooa-whoopsie!

Omigod, Morty. You look REALLY nice tonight.

WOW, thanks!

I love you, Morty. I love you so much it burns!

Oh man. I love you too, Jessica!

Is this punk bothering you, Jessica?

LEAVE HIM ALONE, JERK! I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM! HE'S MORE MAN THEN YOU WILL EVER BE!

Aw man, Morty, ugh, I'm really sorry.

Oh, well, no problem Brad.

There's somethin' special bout you, somethin' special.

Whoa, take it easy!

GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!

BACK OFF I'M TRYING TO BE WITH MY MAN!

That's enough Bradley. We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm.

Oh, Principal Vagina.

Never leave me, Morty, NEVER.

Uh, sure. I mean, of course not. What do you think that was all about?

Who cares? Just hold me.

LET ME GO!!! I LOVE YOU MORTY!

She's gonna be alone with that guy all night.

Yeah, Dad, digging around the inside of horses. It's not a very romantic setting.

Hurry up Morty, Grampa's about to unfreeze time. You know you really should be cleaning from top to bottom.

I know how to vacuum Mom and Dad, Summer, I've been doing it for six months!

Then you've been doing it wrong for six months. Oh, my God, is that mildew?

It's not my fault we froze time on a humid day!

You have dropped so many balls, man. Do you ever get scared Grampa Rick might make me his new sidekick?

What? What kind of monster are you?

A competent one.

Who cares about the thing you guys are talking about? The whole point of freezing time is to stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad and let's get this dumb universe rolling. Let's do this thing.

Alright, listen, you two, we froze time for a pretty long time, so when I unfreeze it, the world's time is gonna be fine, but our time's gonna need a little time to, you know, stabilize.

Our time is gonna be unstable? What does that even mean?

It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty. I thought you learned that by now. It also means don't touch your parents or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards.

Wait a minute, what?

And away we go!

Uh, did we ever put that mattress under Mr. Benson?

Shhh, Morty!

...A THING OR TWO ABOUT... wait, what? Was the house...? When we pulled up I could have sworn the house was completely trashed.

Negative visualization, Jerry. It explains a lot about where you're at. Hi, sweety.

Hi, dad.

Summer, Morty, are you okay?

W-We just missed you a lot.

Yeah, we missed you so much. Too much to hug you though.

Yeah it would literally destroy them. Now listen, why do—why do—why—why don't you guys go get a free sunday ice cream, go out there and get some ice creams. Here's five hundred dollars cash in unmarked moneys. I'm just gonna put it on the floor and uh, kick it on over to ya. You guys go nuts.

This better not be a bribe. If I find a single thing out of place in this house, my love of ice cream won't save you. I'll get my jacket.

Sweety, is your shirt on backwards?

Oh!

Uh oh.

Yeah, I like it this way. I'm not stupid.

Phew...

Man that guy is the Red Grin Grumble to pretending he knows what's going on. Oh you agree, huh? You like that Red Grin Grumble reference? Well guess what? I made him up. You really are your father's children. Think for yourselves, don't be sheep.

God, I feel terrible.

Yup, it really makes you appreciate how fickle the universe can be. One minute you're falling off a roof for six months, the next minute, bam!

Uh, just to be clear, it was Summer's job to put the mattress under-

Uh, what? It was your job, Morty.

Nuh uh!

Yeah huh!

Actually, sorry Summer, I gotta back the M bomb on this one. I remember the conversation. We told Morty to replace all the bank's money with cookies, your job was to put the mattress under Mr. Benson.

Boom! In your face Summer! You really dropped the ball, man.

Shut up Morty, you vindictive little turd!

You shut up you big... female asshole!

I didn't!

You didn't what?

What's yours?

You shut up!

Whoa whoa wh-what the hell hell hell hell hell?

Oh God, oh no, what did you guys just do?

What do you mean?

Wait, what am I saying?

Were either of you guys uncertain about anything just now?

Oh man... I don't feel good.

Am I me? I think so.

A-am I talking right now?

Wait, who said that?

Alright both of you, just don't move, don't speak, don't think. I have to check something.

What should we do Morty?

Let's see if he needs help.

What do you mean you're gonna help him.

Ugh, I can help too.

What's happening Grampa?

Shut up! Oh crap are you kidding me? Two dots? This never needs to be more than one dot. The two of you made us uncertain!

What do you mean?

What? In English?

What? English please?

Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical.

But I thought there were infinite timelines.

We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look.

Oh, my God!