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thePixel42

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depression-detection

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very depressed and stuck in life. looking for a changesorry guys this is going to be a pretty long post i've been stuck in life for the past 4 years. i had a happy life even tho my father hasn't been in my life since i was 11 but my mom got in an abusive relationship when i was about 15 and it changed her a lot since then. she became an alcoholic and from then i kinda had to be an adult. i had to give 50 euros a week to pay groceries etc( i know it's not a lot but it is for a 15 year old). i could take a lot but started from 17 years it started to go bad for me. i could't take it anymore. my mom turned into a totally diffeerent person by then and still is. she mentally abuses me and manipulates me and made a lot of people look wrongly at me. i've sadly enough lashed out psyically on her 2 times(not punching but pushing and wrestling on the ground) and i've destroyed doors and items a lot because i had no way to get off all the anger. sad thing is i turned into a violent person(which i was the opposite from before) because my mom actually called a friend over a dozen of times when all the drama started to 'put me in my place' and that guy would hit me, i never dared to do something bag because the guy always brought his dog which is a dogo argentino(the ones that kill pumas) and it turned me into a person filled with violence. i've been seeing a psychologist for the last month but i feel it doesn't help. today when i awoke at 8 in the evening(i always live at night to avoid my mom as much as possible) and she again started scolding me for how i was never wanted and i was just born because the condom broke blablabla, she said that friend of hers told me to hit me with a frying pan(he himself doesn't have the balls anymore to come because i'm older now so stronger). guess what? she came after me with a fucking frying pan, i ran, so she threw it, then she grabbed a bottle of wine. i had to work her to the ground and she bit me hard, so tomorrow i can go to the hospital to get a tetanusshot. she called the police on me even tho she's the one who attacked me and guess who had to leave the house? me. i'm getting more and more depressed. so my question is: does anyone know about any work projects in like australia. i've heard too about backpacker working on farms and stuff. i ask because i really need a big change i just need to get away far from al of this for a while, maybe a year or somthing. i love being in the nature and just being locked up at school reading in books doesn't work for me atm so i sadly dropped out because i can't concentrate anymore either.(i have a high school diploma only) sorry if i made a lot of spelling errors and shit. i'm stoned of my ass now because i sadly smoke like 5 joints a day to cope with my probkems. yay. /rant

hey girl i saw you looking at me for like an hour now oh it’s a mirror nvm

tik tok weird hello i downloaded tik tok last week and when they ask what you would like to see i chose comedy and the first says it was ok but after 4 says i saw people thinking it's funny to drive people over because they protest and girls around the age of 12-10 pretending to be raptors you read that right raptors. then a girls talking about not needing men to reproduce. to flat earthers but all i did was choose comedy which is what i saw to but wtf.

if you are going to denounce a post as a repost at least have the courtesy to link the original post what counts as a repost to you anyway? how long after?

how the fuck do i forget her?my girlfriend of 2 years left me, one of the major reasons was because of my severe depression. she felt like i was dragging her down. i don't blame her, i really do understand, but she was the only thing keeping me here, i feel so lost. i have no idea how to forget her... it's now 4 months ago and i've considered suicide more times than i can count, and i feel so lost

im hppy, im drink fuck caputalism emrace monke

sometimes i feel like i'm not depressed enough to be depressed.i feel as if i'm not a crying mess all the time that im not actually depressed. that i'm taking away from people with real problems that are worse off than me. that im not actually suicidal if i don't commit suicide. that im not depressed unless i'm too weak to get out of bed. i just generally dont feel like i'm "good" enough to say im depressed

my friend accidentally kicked a dead rat at his teacher so yesterday my and my group of friends were playing a game of football and someone pointed out that there was a dead ratso a group went over to it and out of nowhere someone kicked it and then another dideventually a few started kicking it around and then a teacher came over and said what are you lads doing and then my friend got a good run up to the rat and kicked it and it accidentally hit her in the stomach. i don't know why i decided to put this here but i hope someone got a laugh out of it.no rats were harmed )

yall better have had a good day today, cuz i care about you all filler filler filler filler filler filler i luv you filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler

god fucking dammit i can’t fucking believe myself. i’ve fallen for some fucking girl. how can i fucking do this to myself? she’s so fucking great. blonde fucking hair and a fucking smile and laugh that just fucking melts me inside. she’s sorta fucking short and it’s real fucking cute. i’ve never had this fucking problem before with crushes, but for some fucking reason i get real nervous trying to fucking talk to her. like even at the fucking idea of it. this has never happened to me before! i’m usually fucking social but this fucking girl has made all my fucking systems malfunction. i’ll never fucking be with her because i can’t fucking talk to her

my science teacher gave me one of those “fake contract” things that aren’t really legally binding, so i signed it in cursive with the name simon riley (or ghost from call of duty), let’s see how long it takes for her to notice.

afraid to start my medication.i did it. i picked up the pills. supposed to start taking 37.5 twice a day. i can't bring myself to do it. i'm freaking myself out at the thought of having to eventually come off the medication as i've read mostly terrifying stories. i keep telling myself i can do this on my ownjust eat right, exercise, quit drinking, etc. the truth is, i have no motivation. all i want to do is stay home and sleep. i just need that push to try this. please someone tell me it helped them.

guys give me 10 more notifications im almost at the funny number you don’t have to tho so go ahead and downvote this if you don’t wanna

really depressed about my financial situation and life in general. can't let go of my past.i've grown up in an abusive family, i've always suffered from depression and anxiety and always was a troubled kid, but i wouldn't say bad. my mother has been telling me i was mistake since i was born. i've gotten physically abused up until i was 13 by my mother, step mother and father. when i was 13 i stopped going to school due to severe anxiety. which got me taken away from my mother and put in a group home. my father then got custody of me, i still never went to school and got put in jdc (juvenile detention center) for a total of 1 year. after that my probation officer realized i wasn't a bad kid, and she ended up placing me in several different treatment facilities, i spent almost 3 years total in them. when i was 16 i was then placed in foster care, after my foster parents learned that i smoked and didn't fit in with their perfect life style they sent me to another foster home. i was only in my other foster home for a little bit, and those people are the only people i connected with ever. they were so sweet and caring i don't even remember their name because i immediately called them mom and dad. i left when i was 17 and moved by myself and got in an abusive relationship, and ended up being homeless right before i turned 18 with my now husband. skip to a year ago, my relationship with my husband got abusive, and he tried to stab me so i left and went to my mom's. she let me stay with her but kicked me out on christmas, she's one of those people who really just wants to be alone and only cares about her self, the first day i came here she said "what the fuck are you doing here". anyways- i moved back into my apartment because my husband left but he stole all my things. i had to get rid of my dog when i moved in with my mother and it killed me. so now i'm in my apartment with a bed, electric and internet. i shouldn't complain.. but it's difficult for me to find food and pay bills, and my apartment is so depressing. my husband and i are on good terms now, i found a lovely man, but he's a couple states away in the military. but my husband comes over and hangs out because i have no one or know no one. he's the one who takes me to the store, i don't drive or work a normal job due to my terrible anxiety issues. anyways what really upset me tonight, my ex came and took me to the store. then offered me $125 to have sex with him. i instantly declined, that's not my nature especially since i'm in a relationship with the most perfect person ever even tho ldr are difficult. then i was thinking about how i only make $20 a day working 8-10 hours on mturk and how $125 would put groceries in my apartment and pay my electric bill. i feel terrible even considering it but sadly i am considering it because every dollar counts and i know that would pay my electric and internet bill, i wouldn't have to worry about being cold or being able to work. i'm just so depressed i feel terrible even considering it. i don't know how much longer i can continue to live this way. i've been on meds, been in treatment facilities, had multiple counselors, been in the hospital for weeks at a time, been in therapeutic foster care, did multiple therapeutic groups a week...i don't even have any options. i'm just going to continue struggling forever, what's the point? done ranting if anyone is still even reading.

feels like vomitingi’m having a bad day today and i really don’t feel good ://// i’m trying to relax and all tht but my mind is racing not even animal collective could calm me down 😐🔫 whatevrrrrrr i’m gonna go try to take a nap and wake up feeling better byeeeee

can i have some reddit premium for a bit gimme dem free awards y'all are talkin bout

managed to alienate my friendsi mean eventually they will get sick of me better sooner than later.

i want to kill myselfand i feel so pathetic because i should be content with what i have in life( family, home and a job) but i am not happy. i feel at 26 i should be out of the house but i still live at home. i am miserable at my job. for the past two weeks i have persistently have had low moods. the past few days the suicide ideation increased. thinking about the multiple ways i can kill myself. i really have nothing to live for anymore. i am single and no kids. which i am grateful for because they don't need to be with me and deal with my depression. i am not on medicationsi did not like how i reacted to them). i know they fuckin say to get out of bed and exercise but it all seems so hard. i feel so fuckin alone. my family has their own stuff to deal with and i don't want to be burden with these issues. i mean i'm fuckin 26 for god sake. my friends, well my only close friend seems to only want me around when she has an issue. works friends are well work friends. if i die it's not gonna be that much of an impact. what bothers me is the sadness and grief my family would feel discovering my body. what i fear is i don't do it right and i survive living a life of shame, pain and further suffering. there are plenty of people out there suffering but with more ambition and drive. here i am taking away those resources that they can utilize and make more of themselves.

i desperately want to diei just don't want to be in this situation anymore. i want to die but if i kill myself it will destroy my family, and my husband will blame himself.

this is annoying i went to sleep and in my dream i had a girlfriend. when i woke up, i was actually sad. i just am annoyed that my dreams betrayed me.

i’m selling pictures. i’m selling pictures of my dogs for $4.20. 😱😱😱

how do you stay positive when everything seems to go wrong?life has really sucked lately, but i've tried to stay positive.

lost my fiancé. feeling terriblei did something stupid a long time ago. i didn’t cheat on her, but i broke our trust in a fashion. we worked through it then she broke up with me quite a while after. pretty out of nowhere. we were so happy together. she’s an amazing woman and we had an amazing relationship. this was about two months ago and i am feeling more and more lost daily. i haven’t been in contact with her or seen her since. i want her back so bad, but i know if we’re gonna get back together that it has to be on her to reach out. i feel terrible daily and contemplate what it would be like to end it. part of me feels like this whole thing is my fault and that i ruined a great thing. the other part knows that she shouldn’t have just up and left. that this isn’t me and the root issue is her cold feet. i am scared of the future.

i've lost everyone.i've been dealing with the friendship of a girl for the past few weeks now. went from best friends to just kind of existing. you can read about all that if you stalk my reddit. anyhow, i have a few other people, whom i've told about my depression. last friday night, one of those friends told me we can't be friends anymore. i shattered so hard. i keep a 30 ft cable of rope, that withstand tension up to 500 pounds. i keep it tied there incase i need it. i've literally thought of hanging myself with it. anyway, the last person who knows of my depression, committed suicide yesterday. i didn't even cry, i'm just so hallow. i don't even know what to do. what do i do? i have no one, i've literally considered suicide every night of the last 2 months.

there is no pointi'm going to end this tonight. i have a job i hate but once i called my dream job. there is no one i can talk to about myself in my life. my friends and family are with me as long as i'm acting normal. i'm tired. i don't want to be me anymore. i don't want to say" i'm fine. "

depression and porni have been addicted to porn since i was 13 (i am 21 now). for the past year i have been trying to quit porn and masturbation with the help of nofap community, but i have not been successful at all. what is you experience with porn and do you think it can be the cause of depression?

i feel bad i just blocked someone on reddit after lashing out. i fucked up and let my anger get the best of me, i feel shitty. anyways i’m only on mobile and basically a lot of complications make it so i can’t unblock them. i feel like an asshole. i’ve always found some way to fuck up every friendship i make.

getting it off my chest againhey everyone. i've posted on here from time to time garnering the help i need when it's necessary. i'm in need of it right now. lately i've felt extremely exhausted from everything in life. barely able to muster the strength to go into detail. mainly school, my music, relationship, friends, everything. this season change isn't exactly helping either. i feel like i revolve in cycles. people get attached to me, like me, and then move on. i feel like i'm boring and a waste of space. my head's telling me things that keep putting me under a cloud and i don't have much care as to whether i live or die tomorrow. i'm awkward sometimes but i'm still sociable. i just find it so hard to become attached to many people and sometimes i wish i could just switch off my emotions and burrow myself in my own pile of shit. i can't though. i rely on others for help and i feel guilty. this probably isn't making much sense. i'm going off on a tangent because i can't explain it any further without wanting to destroy myself. my depression goes deeper and deeper every day and that worries me. i want it to end and i want to be happy for longer periods of time instead of just short bursts of euphoria.

can't do it anymore.i'm an alcoholic worthless piece of shit and a burden to everyone. i simply can't do it anymore. i want to be done with it all, but the thought of actually killing myself is terrifying. i don't know what i'm even trying to say here other than i have no fucking clue what to do anymore. i just want an easy way out.

if you knew that your job was the only thing causing your depression, but you couldn't afford to quit, what would you do?i'm currently working a job that i absolutely hate, and my responsibilities are massive. this job has caused me to lose interest in anything that i used to love, its ruining my relationship and it has caused serious mental and physical harm to me. in the past 3 months that i have been employed here, i have developed severe depression, ibs, general anxiety disorder, and other problems. i have no sex drive anymore, and i can't communicate with people the way i used to. i've lost 30 pounds in 3 months, and i need to find a way to get myself back on track. what would you do? i can't afford to quit unless i have something else lined up. i also feel like i'm letting a lot of people down if i quit. i feel so hopeless i want to die. please help.

every comment is one push up... i'm gonna regret this... you can only comment once. if you comment more then i will disregard it. i wanted to do the one ⬆️ thing but it kinda seems like karma whoring to me sometimes *i'm gonna post this before i change my mind*

:"d love you grandma so ... i exchanged my grandma's pills with m&m's gems ...... ahh...that was soooo fun!!! btw... i miss my grandma

helpi was determined to die this morning. i took 3000 mg of neurontin which i thought would be enough to make me pass out without causing damage if i failed. but i couldn't pass out. i feel strange. i feel scared. i have one thing to live for tonight and i have to make it through the next ten hours. after that i don't know what i'm going to do. i'm so scared.

just turned 18and i feel empty. it's not that i had no one to spend it with or that i didn't get anything or that i'm ugly. now that i have all this stuff, there was nothing i could do with it. it feels as if nothing really happened. i suddenly have all this money and i realized i have nothing to spend it on. makes me think my life sucks or that i'm just missing *something*. i'm not feeling sad or angry. i'm feeling nothing.

understandingi've only met about 3-4 people who genuinely understand me. everyone else just assumes i'm angry, sarcastic or arrogant.

a mood[christmas mourningtype o negative](https://youtu.be/szaflc73itk)

"don't block me out..""...i know it's easy when you're depressed. but try not to. i worry about you" my boyfriend mumbled this to me last night when i stayed at his. i've been in a down way for a while again and a bit withdrawn. i almost cried because it was exactly what i needed to hear without knowing i needed to hear it. and it was the only thing that really registers with me about the whole day. it helped me a lot and i wanted to share that in amongst the shit-heap that is depression, sometimes, there's someone there with the right words exactly when you need it. and that's a small glimmer of beauty in an otherwise glum moment. i just wanted to share my small amount of connection with someone else that helped me more than i realised in the hope that maybe some of you can experience a similar feeling today. x

im only alive because of my catsit would hurt so bad to leave them but i dont know how much more i can take. life is miserable.

i kinda got behind schedule with learning for next week testweek i have 8 tests 4 of them ive already studied for 2 i studied good the other 2 minimal the other 4 i didnt do anything yet i still have 3 days so the only option i have is to pull 3 all nighters and dont tell my parents. if i tell them they freak out. its still possible for me to do it but super hard.

my brother is depressed and i don't know how to help himhey, my (21) brother (20) recently fell into depression and is stuck in his room without leaving the house for over 3 months, refusing to speak (as in, literally walking out the room and ignoring our words) with anyone (friends, family, extended familyeveryone). i'm terrified he might get into this as a habit and stay there for extremely long time (years?), and me and my family feel pretty useless. do you know anyone who's been through something similar? what was his future? what could we possibly do to help? is this a condition that has a name? who should we consult? thanks a lot for the help.

ola r/teenagers, i come seeking sage advice recently, i’ve started talking to this girl, who seemed really nice, but shits been happening recently that’s just confusing. about a week ago, she ghosted me for a few days, still making an active social media presence. she later explained her actions, “cut loads of people off, regretted not talking to me blah blah blah” (i also forgot to mention this but we both have feelings, though she doesn’t want to act on it mostly out of fear of relationships) when she started talking to me again shit seemed normal for a while, just friends but yk that’s fine i enjoy talking to her either way. recently though she’s been a bit more distant, even though she’ll still reply to any image of myself with compliments, and before the ghosting, would send paragraphs in appreciation. i think she’s starting to ghost me again, making an active social media presence while not responding to my text, and i’m rly just confused as to why, cause it makes absolutely no sense to me.

for those that aren't plagued with depression but want to try and empathize with us and understand what we feel, try reading this.since my close friends occasionally ask me what its like to have depression, i wrote a small piece of what i personally feel like is the best representation of it that i can come up with and i felt like i should definitely share it here so guests can sort of relate to what we feel. ------------------------------------------- imagine, that you are an average high school-aged kid. you go to a nice public school, have plenty of friends, do some activities, and generally life is as good as it gets for a kid your age. but one day, for whatever reason (such as a parent getting a new job), you have to move and you start attending a private academy and you live in a dormitory on campus. but you find that now everything is different from what you once were familiar to. you find that classes become more strict and rigorous. the sports you once enjoyed light-heartedly in public school is held to a higher standard in the academy. the atmosphere at the academy pervades with an aura of stern seriousness. the other students are generally nonchalant about the new kid that shows up in their class. some of them warm up to you, some don’t, but that’s how it is everywhere. but you quickly find that there’s one individual that will abruptly inject himself into your life: the bully. now this isn’t your standard bully, no. he’s not the kid that barely meets the dress code and hangs out near liquor stores in his free time. no, he’s the kid that the teachers generally respect. not love, but respect because he’s decently smart, polite to adults, and generally seems nice-acting. unfortunately, he quickly finds that you’re weak enough to be his new victim to prey on, and so he does. but what’s the worst of it? he’s also your roommate and you can’t avoid him. every day, whether you’re in class or in your room, he taunts and torments you. when the teachers have their back turned in class, he shoots spitballs and throws wads of paper at the back of your head. when you’re about to leave class, he waits just outside the door so he can jut his foot out and trip you as you exit. when you go back to the room, sometimes he pesters you and keeps you up at night with taunts and threats and sometimes he doesn’t, but you still feel threatened by his presence. and sometimes, when he’s feeling particularly malicious, he moves to the next level from verbal taunts. he pins you down and pummels you. and since you’re weaker than him, you can’t do anything but lay there and try to absorb the hits as best as you can. and these beatings leave injuries. they might heal and become slightly stronger, but they still sting with pain. when you tell on the teacher, the teacher only lightly scolds him because he doesn’t seem like that kind of kid to the teachers. sure, your new friends might try to defend you either verbally or physically, but the refuge they provide is only temporary. you find solace during the few days that you get to go home during the year, but you dread in the back of your mind the fact that you have to go back to the dorms sometime or later. you also find peace when you go out to the nearby town with your friends and enjoy treats from the local eateries and contrary to what you might think, you actually really do look like you have a good time with them. but you still know that the bully is waiting for you back at school. no matter how much you plea, the bully refuses to let up on his goal of making your life hell. now this situation can only end in two ways, either you drop out from the academy or you tell higher authority, such as the headmaster. dropping out from the academy seems like such an easy and simple choice. you get to avoid it all, the rigorous academics, tough sports, and most of all, the bully. sure, your new friends might miss you, but they’ll eventually forget and move on. but the only thing that’s stopping you is the fact that it’s a prestigious academy and the prospect of graduating is a small glimmer of hope. but if you tell the headmaster, the most he can do is enforce and host counseling sessions where you and the bully are put in a room with the headmaster and you try to talk things out in the hopes that the bully would stop. the bully might let up for a bit, but you find that he still taunts you here and there, but generally it’s still less than before. you also fear the label of tattle-tale from the other kids for going to the headmaster to solve your problems instead of solving them yourself. and this is how your life goes. but how does this relate to depression? the kid represents you. going to public school represents the life you had before you developed depression. transferring to the academy represents the development of depression and the reason you have to transfer is the event that may or may not have happened to trigger depression in the first place. the academy as a whole represents your life with depression. just as the classes seem harder and the activities seem stricter, your life seems to become more difficult and activities you once enjoyed give you less pleasure than before. the rote routine at the academy represents the daily schedule you have to push yourself through each day. the routine might seem easy to the other students (other people), but for you, it’s much harder. and the bully himself? he represents depression itself. the teachers represent society. they see depression as just a temporary state of mind and easily remediable and they usually fail to acknowledge the pleas of those that suffer from it. and just as if it was your roommate, you find that you’re inevitably stuck to him all throughout your day, even when you go to bed. it haunts you all day. when no one is looking and you’re by yourself, it creeps up on you and makes your life a living hell. during day it pervades your thoughts and clouds your mind. at night it keeps you up a night with relentless pursuit with thought after thought of blows to your psyche. the beatings represent the extreme dips that you will experience from time to time. each punch is a negative thought that simply crushes your mind and self-esteem with every blow, cutting more deeply than ever before. being pinned down represents the extreme sense of terror and hopelessness that abruptly shuts down any attempt to pull yourself out of the dip. and eventually, you might sustain physical injuries from your thoughts, either from self-mutilation and cutting your arms or from your body physically reacting to an extreme state of sadness, such as vomiting or coughing up blood. the defense that your new friends might provide represent the small pep-talks and venting sessions that you have with your own friends where you can unload and hopefully be comforted temporarily. the trips to home, away from the academy, represent the small pockets of optimism or happiness that depression victims are still able to experience from time to time despite their depression. hanging out with your friends represents literally just that. you hang out with them and you might look like you’re really having a good time but it’s just a temporary cover-up for the problem deeper within. your pleas to the bully represent your feeble attempts to assuage yourself and tell yourself that things will get better. thus, you realize the two choices that are laid out before you. dropping out from the academy represents suicide. it seems like such an easy choice. you get to release yourself from all the pain and suffering and the daily routine you have to really push yourself through each day. sure, the people that know you might miss you for a while, but eventually they’ll forget and move on. but the only thing that may be stopping you is the prospect of reaching and fulfilling whatever long-term goals you may have (which is told by the part of graduating from the academy in the analogy). going to the headmaster instead represents seeking attention from medical professionals. the headmaster counseling sessions represent whatever methods of treatment that the doctor prescribes, be it antidepressants, therapy, or hospitalization in an asylum. sure you might feel slightly better for a while, but you still find that your depression will still haunt you from time to time. the fear of the label of tattle-tale represents the fear of being perceived as weak, mentally ill, and unstable by the people around you. and this is how your life goes.

obsessive regreti worked at a very noisy job. i came home one day and my ear was muffled with extreme ringing. i naively filed a worker comp claim mostly because i was so pissed off about what had a happened to me. i went to worker comp doc who said not shit can be done for tinnitus. now that it's considered a 'work related injury,' i will never be able to use my own health insurance for it ever again. i feel absolutely sick about that.

lost something very important to me today.this story begins about september through october. so im 18 year old and in high school. i have adhd and have trouble getting my ideas down on paper. i have a learning disability. at a meeting i had with the school about my grades about 4 weeks into school. i knew i was depressed before going into this meeting. i had all my teachers in there just telling me what i was doing wrong and my mom was in there too it felt like she wasn't on my side at all. felt like i was being ganged up on by my teachers and the principal. i couldn't take it about 30 minutes ini just said im sorry i have to leave. i felt so horrible all these emotions just came out of me i left the room and started walking away holding back massive amounts of tears. one of the school counselors was in the meeting, i guess he saw how upset i was and ran out and said here go in my office. i just let go. cried in there for about 15 min and told him i couldn't stay like this. i walked out of his office started walking to the door and i get to about 100ft from the door and i see the principal walking to me. he said "please let me talk to you for 30 seconds". i don't remember what he said because i was too upset and was walking to my car. he basically was trying not to let me leave and even was blocking me to get into my car at one point. i just told him fine then ill walk. he was like ok if you want to leave then leave i cant stop you. i left got in my car cried for awhile called my mom and told her everything how i was feeling. after that i missed school for 3 weeks. missing a ton of tests and assignments and basically fucked up my grades beyond repair. i play varsity hockey. its one of the only things that make me truly happy. i was not eligible to play the first half of the season and so i worked hard on my work getting up every single day at 6:45 am to go see a tutor to help me. but it wasn't enough, the next semester just started and i just got the news from my coach today about how i'm not eligible to play for the rest of the season my heart dropped and i was so upset but i was fighting so hard not to show it. he said he would like for me to be apart of the team but i just couldn't do it. so i'm planning on telling him that i'm quitting. i told my teammates already i don't know how the reacted yet cause i sent it in a group chat i was in and left right after i sent the message. hopefully they understand. well thanks for listening if you read this all the way through i fucking love you. and i hope you all are dong well. if your not im sorry. if you need to talk my pm's are always open. im gonna go smoke a few bowls and see if i can feel a little bit better. thanks for listening

imma make you suffer from infinite online classes but with lag! a fate worse than death

pandemic aside nothing is stopping me from doing whatever i want except for me like fr if i wanted to pursue acting or go teach english in japan or move halfway across the country i literally can. wtf thats so weird. the only person/thing putting limits on what i can do is me !!!! ugh

i hate to be that guy but ww1 was pretty fucking good if ww1 didn't happen, women wouldn't have joined the workforce and feminism would have been set back 100 years. we would still be clinging onto religion and homophobia would be just as rampant as it was in the 40's. ww2 wouldn't have happened which basically debunked racism. "oh look, white people are doing terrible things. guess we are equal". ww1 was basically the start of the end of colonialism. before ww1 a black or asian person beating on a white person was barbarism, the opposite was justice. not to mention it showed the military strength of the japanese and slavics which again, debunked racism because it was basically "oh look, white man isn't the most powerful." the world was steadily adopting a socialistic mindset so you could probably kiss capitalism and democracy goodbye since at the time democracyinevitable poverty. also the first computer? you have the war to thank for that. warcompetitiontechnological innovation

venting about 2020 well, i will vent to the people here, since i can't to my mom or friends. january started my anxiety of world war three potential. february brought the death of my grandmother who had raised me until i was right. march brought school closing die to covid. april had the forgotten killer wasp madness. my mom, sis, bro, and i moved into our own home in may which was pretty nice. june gave me the anxiety of now being 13 and having to live up to the given standards of being the oldest sibling and a teen. july gave back to school anxiety. august was the month school was back and i was online due to my mom's decision to do virtual. september brought the suffering of my "step sister's" suicide attempt. (she's 17 and her reason for the attempt is a whole other story) october brought me failing the first nine weeks, but fortunately going back to in person school. and here we are at november, me still doing bad in school. honestly, 2020 was bad, but my everyday problems, make me just wanna die. i could have glaucoma. i have horrible anger issues. my friend group is crumbling apart. my biggest problem is my sister. she is just such an annoyance. she'll do little things that piss me off like hell. she'll open my door and not close it. she'll randomly bang on my door. she'll be useless when it comes to watching our baby brother and let him mess things up. she also always has to be the center of attention and always in the right. for example, if i don't help with watching our brother, and i ask her to do something that involves helping with him, she'll go, "you never watch him." which although this is partly true, i can't help with him because i am often busy doing other things, such as cleaning my room, doing laundry, etc. yall probably get the idea, and if you have any way to help, please provide it, i'm desperate for a coping mechanism.

love is the worst.i just need to rant. let off steam. i hate being in love. i'm madly in love with a girl who couldn't give less of a fuck about me. i work so hard to stop this terrible feeling, but everyone always tells you how amazing it is. obviously i'm missing out on that love, because every time i've tried it, it's sucked and hurt. even worse is how i can see that everyone else is in love and doesn't understand how shitty it is. i hate all my facebook friends in relationships. i hate the cutesy couple infront of me in anthropology that hold hands and laugh throughout the lectures. i hate how everyone else knows that there is a chance they wont end up completely fucking alone, and i'm supposed to just be okay with the fact that i'm not attractive enough for anyone to give a fuck about me. but the absolute worst of all, is that this shitty feeling is the reason people think i shouldn't be allowed to kill myself. people assure me they love me, but only when they have to. that girl i'm in love with says she loves me and she couldn't cope with the idea of me taking my own life. i don't matter enough for her to ever talk to me, but suicide is something completely different. my parents say they love me and they'd be broken if i killed myself. but with as often as i'm reminded that i'm a failure for not being as good as my siblings, and how i'm the outcast in the family for failing out of college after a few suicide attempts-- but they love me too much for me to kill myself. my death is my own prerogative. i'm tired. i don't want to do this anymore.

i fully support trans rights and everything but honestly for me even with the benefits of online having tools like editing, lighting, angles etc. they are still not convincing. everyone lies to make them feel better. transwomen with their mutilated neo-vaginas that are essentially an open flesh wound that stinks and transmen with their frankenstein bratwurst will never be convincing in the slightest. i wish every trans person to find someone who will love them for who they are

i want someone to talk to. please. anyone.i have skype. i feel like i'm at the end of the road. all i do is sit at home, play video games, and smoke weed. i don't even enjoy the games, they just make me feel like i'm making progress towards something. i have mental problems that make me lash out at others. it's getting to the point i become extremely anxious if i just leave the house. i'm not working and my mother is paying my living costs. my life isn't going anywhere. i've stopped being happy. i've stopped existing. my ability to perceive reality and exist in the real world is diminishing. i don't know what to do. suicide is on my mind daily.

psa: not having a father role in your life really fricks you up i know this is long but it's important. being deprived of fatherly love makes you really really vulnerable so i wanted to put this out there so people can hopefully learn from my mistakes. my dad has never been any kind of a father role to me. i had to witness him hitting my mom, getting drunk, tearing at least 4 cell phones apart with his bare hands, my mom having to call the cops on him because she was so scared, holes in the wall, throwing chairs, cheating on my mom, leaving for days at a time without us even knowing if he was coming back at all, screaming, so so much screaming. so often i would end up having anxiety attacks pressed up against my bedroom door while he was having one of his fits of rage. i could list hundreds more things. i have never gotten affection from him. i am still scared of him to this day. not having a father role in your life messes you up a lot. when i was 14 i met this guy on a cruise to alaska who was about 18. we start talking and we grow to like each other, things progress and i was 14 so i just wanted to be cuddled and hugged bc i didn't have a male figure in my life and i was just broken up with by someone i love. so he decides he's going to take things a step further. he flat out kissed me without permission. i didn't like it but i let it happen bc i thought i was a sign that i was finally being loved by a guy, by the end of the trip he kept doing more and more and kissing my check turned into french kissing, turned into him literally humping me in a private part of the ship. it was scary but i let it happen bc i thought he loved me. he said he loved me. so the trip ends and he promises to be together forever and that he's going to be my husband. keep in mind i'm 14 he's 18. so after the trip he keeps calling me his gf. then he starts sending me dick pics. everyday. i didn't like it but i let it happen bc he said that he loved me and i was scared that he wouldn't if i said no. eventually he convinces me to send him pics of my own. keep in mind i'm 14. he even knew that i didn't have a father figure in my life and he insisted i call him ''daddy'' but i trusted who i thought was going to be my husband. time progresses and he starts only sending my pics and asking for them. no more i love yous. no more good mornings. only asking for my nudes. and i still gave it to him. then as like a month passes just like this of talking like every other day and him only asking for my pics, i was scared that he didn't love me anymore. then he said he needed some space and that sent me into a very sad time. then he comes back after a couple days and says that he had a other gf this whole time and he loves her more than me so he has to stop talking to me. i was heartbroken that i couldn't be loved by one guy without him using me for my body. i was so so desperate to have any kind of male affection and attention that i send him child porn of me. it haunts me to this day knowing that i can never take back those photos and he probably shared them to tons of people. not having a real dad makes you so so vulnerable. recently i found out that my older sister did basically the same thing but she wasted 4 years of her life with someone who didn't love her. but he said he did, and he gave her the affection that people deprived of love from their dad crave so much. i still catch myself looking for fatherly love from my romantic relationships to this day. i can't help it. there is a hole in my heart that wants a loving father so so bad and i will never have that. i let myself be groomed for my body in search for anything close to that kind of love. tl;dr if you have been deprived of fatherly love please please be careful. not every man who says they love you actually does. if you are going to be a father in the future. please please love your kids. show them affection and that you care, give them hugs. if you don't show them affection then you are damaging them in a way they will never fully get back.

here's a shower thought for you guys... life is an unskipable ad and abortions are ad blockers.

what's ur guys fave. bands mine are probs(also this is in no particular order): goldfinger weezer modest mouse rise against living colour

struggling to find a reason to hang on.at this point i feel ready to just throw in the towel and overdose on a drug cocktail. i feel like i've lost everything. i got broken up with and even though he still wants to be friends i cant get over my feelings. but i fear not having him around in my life cause of how much he means to me. but yet i want someone to hold me and cuddle with me and make me feel good physically. i feel like i'll never get that again from anyone else. not only was he perfect, but he only stopped loving me cause of my borderline personality disorder meltdowns and rages i'd have. not to mention the fact that he broke up with me once in november and then got back together with me only to later say he regretted doing so and felt it was more of an impulse. theres also school. after missing out on qualifying for my major by one point i'm stuck taking a bunch of electives and three day a week classes i dont care for until my gpa gets brought up. and then theres work. while everything else for me ought be changing work is still shitty as ever. and i'm about to be double fucked. because of my work schedule my only days off are tuesday and wednesday. except i have classes on those days ao no matter what day it is i have some shitty obligation that's gonna take up most of my time. i have no time for friends, video games, i dont even have time to watch movies something i love to do and is what i want a career in cause i'm too busy focusing on other things that force my time. i dont even have time to find a new person to love cause i'll be too busy with school and work so it'll be miserable loneliness for me. yaaaaay. so what i ask is is there even a reason for me to care anymore? to keep going? cause right now i'm not seeing it. when your best friend says they'd be fine if you decided to leave them it doesnt do a great job of convincing you that you have a ton of meaning to that person. my life over the past few months has been hell and i just want it to end. at this point why go on with the struggle? oh and before all you thirsty nice guys say how you'd treat me right, let me just say i'm a guy as well sp dont even bother. i want actual people to talk to, not someone who cares more about his cock than a persons well being.

best friend wants nothing to do with me. fuck this, i’m out.caused a fight via text, i’m now blocked, told they couldn’t take it anymore. they resented my success, only wanted to hear about how shit my life was, and would try, to their credit, to help. told them about some good things that were happening, and was told i was boasting. despite me suffering from mental illness. so, fuck it. this is what life is. it’s shit. i’m not supposed to have good relationships, just superficial ones. my pain continues. if i end my life, i end my pain. this seems like a good deal. when they said ‘i’m out,’ i said ‘i’m out of life’ i was told ‘i’m sorry to hear that,’ a fucking cookie cutter scripted answer. they’ll see, they’ll all see.

anyone up and wanna chat you can talk to me about anything. 17 year old male so i like the basic things like cod and minecraft and whatever else

putting people first even when life and death are on the linei’m diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder and i’m on meds; however, i’m going through a rough time for a year now and these days have been the worst, i was starving myself and didn’t leave bed for days and now i just wanted to do it. i have a lot of antidepressants and antipsychotics and my mom’s prescription drugs and i was just about to do it but i felt so fucking guilty because my mom is going through some medical issues and my sister is having a divorce and i felt like my suicide would be an added inconvenience. i feel so trapped and sick of living for the sake of other people. i’m tired and done, the people i feel guilty for don’t seem to be understanding, i hinted to my father the other day that i’m thinking of death and he said nothing. where i live there are no suicide hotlines, and there are no good psych facilities either, so it’s either committing or sucking it up and i’m torn apart. i don’t know what to do, i just wish i die out of the blue so i don’t bare any of the guilt.

damn my life is great occasionally i play video games with american people and silently worship their accents...

i really have run out of reasons to keep goingi have been in mental health units 4-5 times. i've been on every anti-depressant and medication imaginable, tried ect and therapy. my mother is the only person in my family who will even speak to me, but never shows any concern or even attempts to initiate contact with me. i have no friends whatsoever, my best friend of 15 years cut off all contact with me. i am currently living in a group home, having lost my apartment due to financial troubles. i wake up every day and usually end up crying, spending most of my time trying to think of the best way to kill myself. my father will no longer speak to me, with his last words to me being that he is to ashamed of me to have any sort of contact with me. my sister was the only family who had any concern and a genuine interest in my life, but will no longer speak to me. why should i even bother?

r/teenagers users describing losing their virginity for reddit karma holy heck guys. i just had a seriously epic moment. so my crush of 20 years, my best friend, my everything just told me they liked me. it was euphoric, we kissed there right on the spot. my tongue enveloped hers as she fell to her knees from the dominant force she felt from me. (finally women are being the ones telling guys for a chance!) anyways we went back to my house and then things got hot and steamy. i felt like i was putting my minecraft bed next to hers! (turns out she is a redditor and a gamer! im the luckiest son of a gun!) basically after getting naked, i saw her average body. which is okay, looks don’t matter. but then i saw her tits. gross. like actually why do tits exist. i’m so glad that ass exists so we have a much much better alternative than tits. from the porn i’ve seen, hers look normal but tits are gross. you guys understand right? after we indulged in kissing some more i push her onto the bed and whisper in her ear, “i’m about to do something not very wholesome chungus” before i put my average peen inside her. it was warm and wet and didn’t feel like doing it to myself. anyways i couldn’t disgrace her by finishing, so i just got soft inside of her. she’s a woman, i can’t disgrace her with my filthy nut. anyways i hope this happens to you guys too! edit: wow! i did not expect this to blow up! edit: thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

i’m a weird person. i think. i always type out a paragraph when i’m responding to someone on reddit cuz idk i just try to give the best/funny (attempted) answers but after i finish typing it all out i’ll just click discard and feel satisfied.

right i'm gonna say: older people do deserve respect. everyone deserves respect. do good things? you should be respected more survived the hardships of life for a long while? you deserve respect are you able to afford a kid and are able to feed, house, and make them happy? you are entitled to respect.

my battle with depressive feelings (pt.1)i'm not sure if any of what i'm going to share is allowed, but i want (need) to share it with someone and i prefer to not share it with anyone i know personally because it is embarrassing to me. this is my personal story and it is in progressif anyone would like to continue knowing more, just let me know. but for now, this is just a little bit. as a child, you do not make connections between the different areas of your life. the discrimination between what is or isn’t normal is so narrow because all you know is what you’ve been raised with. the differentiation or development of, normal and abnormal comes into play when you open yourself up to others. one child’s family is never the same as another, and yet we allow these comparisons to become a measurement of our perspectives of right and wrong. over time, these influences are combined with societies standards. eventually, you either find yourself wanting more or questioning why your life and experiences do not meet those of your friends. i found myself dwelling on this idea of imperfection since middle school. at that time in my life, i figured it was just common for everyone to feel this rage and negativity inside of them. and as those feelings grew, i found myself becoming increasingly self-conscious. appearance became everything to meeven if i didn’t always look the way i wished i had. i didn’t have the name brand clothes, i wasn’t exceptionally handsome, and i was nowhere near being popular. the slurry of emotions i was experiencing made me feel isolated to everyone around me. i was afraid to try anything new because i was afraid to stand out and make myself look like an idiot. i was already being teased enough for everything about meand while this sounds like me being overdramatic, i assure you, it’s not. my peers had been making fun of me for as long as i can remember: i would be teased about my voice being high-pitched, the clothes i wore, my weight, my hair, my face, my shoes, the way i walked, everything. i found myself always looking down when i walked from class to class. i was always afraid to make eye contact with anyone because i thought that would open myself up to be ridiculed and i just couldn’t take it anymore. that’s when i first contemplated suicide. any time that i would see people having fun, i would find myself wishing that i could feel the same way. but the moment of happiness always fades so quickly for me, and it is replaced with this pit of darkness that just tingles over my whole body. it’s a feeling that is quite distinct from the othersyou first feel it in your chest and it radiates both slow and fast to your limbs and then it echoes in your head. it becomes like this lead in your veins that weighs you down and reminds you of your flaws. from there, i begin listing everything wrong with myself in my head. the list never changes and it always ends with me feeling worse each time. there seems to be no limit on the amount of negativity i can feel, which is why i compared it to being this pit inside of me. again, i'm sharing this for two reasons: i need to share this with someone as i never have before. i want others to know they aren't alone if they've ever felt the way i have and still do.

how mich do y'all worry sometimes i've been told that i worry withiut really even being fully knowledgeable of how much i am and how i worry too much anyways.

why tf are 86 people following me what is your purpose??? why? hello?

a cautionary talecautionary tale i'm in my late thirties and have suffered from depression for as long as i remember. i started seeking help about ten years ago. i didn't give it a fair crack and left the doctor with a prescription for some anti depressants. these didn't work and i didn't go back see the doctor for another six years. went to a cognitive therapist which didn't do me any good and i went back to my own little world. no friends or girlfriends. no one to pick up the phone and speak to. last year i went back to the doctor and got in with a psychologist. one on one went well, group didn't go well. but instead of retreating i stuck with it and went back to one on one. i really want to make it work as time is running out for me. i get in great physical shape, the best i've been in since my late teens/early twenties. it went from good to great when i met the girl of my dreams. things went well and i spent a few weeks of absolute bliss with someone who lifts me higher than i thought possible. i was still filled with anxiety and stress but i was expecting some discomfort as i hadn't had any girlfriends or friends at all for over ten years. i was growing into a social group and enjoying peoples company again. it felt good (i think). i felt something anyway. unfortunately being in my late thirties and having no friends, no money and living with your parents doesn't really make you a good long term boyfriend. so, inevitably, we parted a few weeks ago. i have had no one to talk to. i have cut myself off from her social group so as not to cause her any trouble. i have too much respect for her. what i would like to do, is go back in time to when i was 18 and wanting to kill myself and go see the doctor. get help. post on reddit (we didn't have this back then). get help from friends (when i had some). i can't. life really has passed me by. i want my twenties and thirties back. i want to make something of my life. i want to go to university. i want to ring a friend and shoot the shit. i can't. perhaps you can. don't leave it until it's too late. nothing is going to change unless you make it. don't end up like me. sure, i might be able to pick myself up and get back to trying, although it seems futile. life seems a little hollow right now. i have lost the girl of my dreams. the girl i should be spending my days and nights with. i understand and respect her decision. she's a smart cookie. love doesn't always conquer all. if you meet the person of your dreams tomorrow, will you be prepared to let them slip through your grasp? get help now. talk to people. talk to me. just help yourself. ring the doctor and don't let them fob you off. a lot of people don't regard depression as an illness. my parents thought i was lazy and stupid. i have sat them down and talked to them. it was uncomfortable and embarrassing but they at least are trying to understand and help me. be ready for the day you meet them. they are out there. i don't know if i'll make it much further. help? *permanent depression seems so normal to me now, happy is a word i seldom use.* *life and deaths a problem which we all have to face,the problem is which one do i choose?*

the big problem with the "not like other girls" mindset the big problem with the "not like other girls" mindset is that society has taught us that all girls are dumb, superficial and wear revealing clothing and heaps of makeup in order to gain the approval of men and that they are all just mindless carbon copies of this cookie cutter idea. this leads girls to think they are different from the norm just because they have a personality and don't always live up to societies beauty standards for women. not only is this a harmful mindset for the individual it also breeds hatred between the girls that feel they are different and the girls they perceive to be normal and further pushes the sense of competition between women in our society. conventionally attractive girls are slutshamed and called superficial whether or not it's true and the others are shamed for being "ugly" or "weird", both these stereotypes are being perpetuated by the not like other girls phenomenon. in the end it all just contributes to misogyny and the objectification of women. sorry if that was worded badly, i'm not the best and putting my ideas into words

struggling at college. help? :(hi guys, i’ve lurked here for a long time and have seen how good this subreddit has been with helping others, and i was hoping that i could get some feedback/commiseration/whatever on what’s going on in my life atm. i don't really have anyone to talk to. :( i’m currently a freshman in college experiencing extreme homesickness. i mean extreme. fortunately, or unfortunately, my parents live quite close to my college and i have an opportunity to go home every weekend. i feel like i’m only surviving through the week in a stupor in order to spend 48 hours at my home. i cry almost everyday, i look forward to classes because i know it will distract me for at least 50 minutes. i take long showers and naps when i’m not even tired just to pass the time. i barely eat because i don’t want to be alone in the dining hall, and just binge eat when i’m at home. i’ve only made a few friends here (partially my fault for being awkward and anti social most of the time and also always wanting to go home and crying all the time haha). i do have some friends from high school that go here and i hang out with them a lot, but i still feel lonely. it also doesn’t help that i got into a fight a few days ago about something kind of serious with one of my old high school friends. the rest of my friends here are more likely to prefer the other friend than me (which is fine, they are closer with that person than they are with me and i understand), so now i kind of have no one. my roommate is very kind and we get along great, we are good friends, but i don’t want to be too clingy. i just miss my family, i miss my friends from home, i miss the familiarity of my house and my private bathroom and my cats and my room and even the shitty ass potholes in the street around my house. i miss my old life. in high school i could get through school and go home in the evenings, now i can only live through the weekends, and i can tell my parents are getting tired of me coming home, but it’s all i have to look forward to. i don’t think i can do this for another three months. anyone feeling the same or even slightly similar? thanks for reading all of this. :(

guys im so smart so school is really stressing me out, so ive taken an expired can of chicken noodle soup in order to get food poisoning so my mum can explain why i dont have any notes and missing assignments ​ im just a genius istg

just started medication -- how do i tell if i'm just sad or am still depressed?i'm not sure where else to go to ask this. after a long battle and a series of pretty horrible events in a 2 month period, i finally asked my psychiatrist for medication. i'd spent years resisting medication, because i was afraid it would change who i was, or make me less...special, i guess, but i had just reached the end of my ability to keep going on my own. something had to change. i've been on a minimal dose of bupropion sr (50mg/day) for 12 days now. up until yesterday, i felt great -- i knew that it wasn't the medication, but just the feeling of finally having made a change, or having taken a step towards something better, was enough to really relax me into a great mood. yesterday i was talking to a girl that i have pretty strong feelings for (and she knows it). it's just something we don't talk about, and to be honest, i need people in my life that i can really talk to more than i need to be bitter about the fact that she doesn't have romantic feelings for me. however, she was pretty stressed by other things, and was talking to me about how people always question her relationship with her best friend (a lesbian). she commented that her friendship with this girl was probably a significant reason that she didn't feel the urge to find a boyfriend -- that her best friend was the only person she needed to lean on, and that the girl supported her in every way she'd have wanted a boyfriend to. now, with context established: her comments really ruined my whole day, and a day later, i still feel pretty depressed by the whole conversation. on a romantic level, it seemed like a slap in the face, but i don't particularly care about that. it was more the implied statement that even at a friendship level, i'd never be someone important to her. that hurt. all of that is really just lead up to my real question, though: how do i tell the difference between just being a "normal" sad (despite being medicated) and being depressed (because the dosage isn't enough or the medication just hasn't started working)? i've been depressed for so long that i don't know how to tell the difference. the medication is still a huge question mark at this point -- i don't know how to tell if it's actually doing something.

why do people pretend to care?i prefer people who don't care than the ones who act like they do. at least they're honest.

how do you guys deal with your loved one having depression?i don't know where else to post this so i'm sorry if i'm breaking any rules and i'll delete this if a mod or any of you guys ask me to. it's just i love my mom and she has depression ever since i can think, but it's all she's talking about in the past months. i'm 22 and still live with my parents, right now my mom's in a hospital for treatment and comes home every weekend (the hospital encourages them to, as sort of 'reintegration' is what i think they call it) and every time she's at home she self-reflects a lot and i guess with that process comes critizicing the loved ones as well. i know she means well and i want to be supportive but her every weekend saying that i should do this and that and get a girlfriend and learn more for college is starting to tear on my nerves as well and i started to self-doubt myself quite often as well as of late. maybe i'm self-entitled, i also don't know what's just any mother's fear of their child being unsuccessful in their life and general well-being and what can be accounted to her depression since i'm an only child and don't really have any reference point, i guess i just want to know if i'm just being self-centered and stupid or if some of you guys and girls supporting those struggling with depression feel the same way sometimes.

what other languages do you know? i know urdu just can’t write it in proper form. i can write in english though like “assay mehi kar sakhtahoon”

i’m angry that i can’t kill myself without ruining the lives of the people i lovei don’t want to exist anymore. it’s not worth it to me personally. i wish i could just be at peace, in a calm nothingness. but i can’t. i’m stuck here, because i can’t fathom the thought of destroying my parents’ lives. they’d never get over my suicide. neither would my sister, my girlfriend. my grandparents. it makes me bitter. i don’t want to suffer anymore. but i’d never actually kill myself, just for their sakes.

reasons to date me 1. i never give you up 2. i never let you down 3. i never run around and desert you 4. never gonna make you cry 5. never gonna say goodbye 6. never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

i really need sone help dealing with guilt.i have fucked up a lot of shit, and now the only solution i can see is to kill myself. i probably don't want to die, but no matter how i look at it, the only way to atone for the things i've done is to remove myself from the situation. this isn't a self-pity thing. it's just basic common sense: a) i have done bad things b) i am not contributing anything unique to the world c) therefore, i am not doing anyone a disservice by killing myself, and because i have no prospects or interests that matter, i'm not missing out on anything personally, plus i don't deserve to keep going anyway. i could keep trying every day to move past the things i've done, and pretending like i don't hate myself, all for the benefit of other people, or i could just end it and not have to deal with all this shit anymore. and yes, obviously i'm making this post because i want someone to talk me out of it. i'm fully fucking aware of that. i need a reason to put in the effort to stay alive, because i don't have one.

a few questions for people who have started a relationship whilst dealing with depression.so for me depression stops me from putting myself into a lot of social situations, i have my fair share of outings with some friends but because of some experiences i find it hard to get close to groups of people, only individuals. i stay at home mostly and do things that most outgoing people may find boring. i don't have many things i can relate to others and i haven't had many experiences worth talking about. i've had a few relationships but my last one ended badly which made me not want anything serious. times have changed and now i'd be interested in something more. so here are a few things i'd like to hear the experiences of. if you found yourself being a boyfriend/girlfriend during the fight with depression how did it happen? how did you meet them? what things did you expect but were surprised by the result? when did you bring depression up? did they understand? is there anything that makes the relationship harder due to depression? are things like low libido a big deal? any tips that you would of told yourself before the relationship if you could go back? if you work low hours or none at all was this a problem? any stories or information is encouraged. thanks for your time.

there's nothing i want more than death, but the idea of shooting myself in the head and surviving is terrifying.my best shot at a quick and painless death is shooting myself in the head...it's not even guaranteed to be quick and painless...or successful...fucking hell...i just wish i had a better way to end myself

what anime should i watch? need help now please. im extremely boredddd

go outside each and everyday, there’s always something going on. we are losing ourselves in our current world. please just take a minute and leave your device for one moment. go outside enjoy what you have. rain or sun, just enjoy it when you still can.

a poem i wrote while in an existential type depression.colourblind blue or red, is there a choice? give me what's warm, my mind will rejoice the ground is all yellow, but covered in ice, i'm searching for home, no more should i roam painted in magenta, make what i like, what's real and what isn't, as long as it's bright a room will be white, the color of light, i will think on the surface, to save me from fright a lit green hill, is where it should rest, so when time is all up, that, i won't regret.

could sleeping a lot mean im depresed?for the last year or so...i find that all i want to do is sleep. i hang out with friends but sometimes i blow them off because i'd rather sleep. i'm just wondering if all my sleeping is a sign of depression.

words do hurti skip school in fear of being yelled at. the your a failure and an idiot lecture. i shiver like it was a cold night even tho i feel like its as hot as the sun. i sweat a lot, which makes me feel even worse. everyone is starring at me, talking about me, making fun of me. i just want to run away, run till i die of exhaustion. i want to leave and never comeback. but i can't i have no where to go. and no one to help.

don't👏.....that's it, just dont i meant it don't

how can i stop living with regret?hi reddit! my name is shermancyclist and i would like to share my story. i just want you to know that i am not being arrogant or bragging about my abilities i just need some guidance from internet strangers who know more than me. also, if you need any clarification as to what i am talking about don't hesitate to pm. all of your responses are greatly appreciated - i have always lived with regret that i didn't do enough extra circular activities during my high school career. one of the things in high school, that i was hugely passionate about is bicycling. i did many rides for cancer organizations and have rode all across the state of iowa. - i became so passionate about my bicycling that it caused me not to do anything else with my life i.e (training indoors working out alone in the gym) the problem with this is that i never had the ability to join more sports teams, join clubs or make any friends. - everyday i wake up, i think to myself why did i do this? and i become filled with constant regret, anger, and sadness. my problem is not just my inability to be more involved, but also me being unable to look toward the here and now. i constantly dream of living better days where i can make friends and be happy with where i am. but, my mind also lives in the past where i ridicule myself for being stupid and naive. - one of things that hindered me from doing extracurricular activities is that i was always nervous at what people would think of me. i was diagnosed with a learning disability and some of the kids at my high school found out and i was constantly bullied for being what they called "retarded" - recently, i have expressed interest in joining a water polo team for college, but i am nervous that because of my lack of swimming, i will be scorned for being too slow. - now that i am towards the end of my high school career, i feel that this is nothing else i can do. - i can kind of relate myself to what sigmund freud called the paradox of choice: i became so nervous about my condition and what people would think of me that i never made any choice at all.

something is wrong i’m a lazy fucker and for some reason i’m finding extreme satisfaction at speed walking around my house listening to gojira, i’m going really fast and have been going for 45 mins and my brain won’t let me stop and i’m not out of breath despite my severe asthma

what could possibly go wrong if i try to commit suicide by lying on railway tracksor jump in front of the train

why does nobody love me if ur name is nobody ill marry u rn

i got an 87 on this paper [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1srnmwtbxmqrapnnot5xrdh27\_qxrky5tmfkj7sml3o8/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1srnmwtbxmqrapnnot5xrdh27_qxrky5tmfkj7sml3o8/edit?usp=sharing)

reddit help me i might call this girl i really like tonight but i don’t know what i should talk about. any ideas

somebody dm me i will literally not reply

guess who’s gonna cry for the next 7 hours my boyfriends starting to go back to school irl and i’m not so i gotta wait for him and he’s the only thing that brings me happiness

i let my guard down, and i got heart broken.a little background: i semi recently ended a 3 year relationship with someone i was friends with for 10 years. he was a good friend, but not a good boyfriend. and then i met someone new. we worked together. for the first time in years i felt wanted, and attractive, and i don't know....excited to get out of bed in the morning. things were great for about two months. he seemed different, he was caring and supportive, and told me how much he cared for me. just kissing him was amazing. like i've never felt more connected with someone. we had multiple conversations (started by him) about how we were moving quickly, but it felt right, and how much we cared about each other. and then, he pulled away. he got more and more distant until he quit his job where we worked, and has had almost no contact with me since. i tried to text him in the beginning to make sure everything was alright, but he never responded. i'm assuming he met someone else, and don't want to work with me anymore. i just feel so disappointed. i feel like it goes beyond the level of a normal break up with someone who is depressed. the feeling of letting your guard down, and waking up every morning finally looking forward to living your life, and then just having it taken away. the worst part is that i don't even know why. i'm going to drive myself crazy just wondering what happened to make him not want me anymore.

give me a second i, i need to get my story straight my friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the empire state. my lover, she's waiting for me, just across the bar, my seat's been taken by some sunglasses askin' boutta scar. i know i gave it to you months ago. i know you're trying to forget. but between the drinks and subtle things, and the holes in my apologies, it ain't that hard to take it back. so if by the time, the bar closes, and you feel like falling down, i'll carry, you home, # tonight we are young! so i'll set the world on fire, we can go higher, than the sun! tonight, we are young! so let's set the world on fire, we can burn brighter than the stars!

i need friendsjust people to talk to

i ma bored, so am answering any question you want. ask me any question regarding absalutly anything expect personal information. anyways, on with the questions.

i don't know who to talk to.i feel like i'm so out of it. i don't even know what to think anymore. i've been feeling really out of it for a few weeks now and i think it's due to my pcos. which is polycystic ovarian syndrome meaning i develop cysts on my ovaries which can cause infertility, cancer, and depression. i received all of the above and i'm all alone. i feel like crying and locking myself in my room all the time just like i am now. why does this have to be so hard? why did i have to be so unlucky? i try my hardest to help the people around me and it feels like no one wants to help me back. my boyfriend doesn't even understand what's wrong with me. i tell him it's probably the pcos but he doesn't get it. i can't control my emotions and it's ruining me. i just wish i didn't feel so alone. i really do. i'm always there for him when he's having his break downs but when i'm sick and i yell, i'm too much to deal with. am i really so awful? he didn't even want to make soup for me when i was sick. i'm making no sense... i'm sorry. i'm sorry for even being here.

i’m donei wish i was never born i’m so fucking sick and tired of living. every single day it’s just non stop struggling and pain. my heart has been broken so many fucking times. i just can’t take this shit anymore. i want to go to sleep and never wake up. i want that so badly...

why are people so obsessed with love? we live in a whole ass universe. there is so many other important things than love. why does love matter so much?