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thePixel42

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depression-detection

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tampons or pads? so like i go to sleep and things are fine. it’s until i stand up is when like niagara falls breaks loose. i have never worn a tampon to sleep simply from the fear of tss if i over sleep. but sometimes my pad moves at night and like i said *gush* so like what’s the better choice because i’m tired of ruining underwear :(

i'm not worthless.i don't feel worthless, i can recognize mine and everyone else's value. i'm not underprivileged. my parents love me, and even support me. i have a goal in life. but for some reason, i can't stop thinking about suicide. it's not in a depressive way (except during late nights and lonely days), but in a sterile, logical way. i don't know why, but when contemplating about how my life is going to go, suicide is always at the forerunner of my mind. i make off-hand jokes about not making it to thirty with my friends, maybe to rid myself of the feeling, but it's disturbing. i don't want to die. but for whatever reason, i can't stop thinking that i'd rather be dead than continue living. i have every reason not to think this, but when absent-minded or not occupied i'll drift into thoughts about the best way to kill myself, the least messy, least painful, etc. why? i want to live, but i'd rather die.

is there anyone in los angeles who can be a friend who is there for me?hello i am 27/m. i need a friend. i don't have anyone who i can connect with. i don't have anyone who understands me. i don't have family who is there for me. i am looking for someone to be my friend. maybe go on a hike or a walk. or to go out and do anything. i want someone who i can talk to. please message me with any questions. thanks

my exhausted confession (long) first of all merry christmas to everyone, i hope your holidays are filled with warmth and joy. i'm at home, my kids are enjoying their presents, we've had a nice christmas just my kids and me but inside all i want to do is die. this is the only place where i can confess that i want to die, if i didn't have two kids depending on me i would have killed myself and this is not a dramatized attempt for attention, i'm not in some frenzy, i'm just so, so tired and i just wish i could die. nobody knows this but you. but i can't, i've got those kids that force me to get up every single morning even when i don't want to. it is a terrible thing to say but sometimes i feel anger towards my kids because i can't die and i know this is stupid because after all they did not ask to come to this world, i made them and it is because of my decision that they are here. i don't want you to get me wrong, i love my kids, they are the only good thing in my life but at this moment i can't be so appreciate of them as i should, today i just wish i could die. there are many reasons why i am this tired but mostly it's just life, i'm 35 and i feel like a thousand years old. i've tried to maintain the belief that if you are a good person and don't hurt anyone then good things will come. i wish this was true but it isn't. in this 35 years i've lost everything i've cared for, friends, homes, lovers. it seems like there is some entity that is watching me, looking and waits for that moment when i've gotten something, a friend, a peace of mind, nice home, love, it let's me enjoy it just so long that i start to think that maybe this time i'll be able to be happy, that maybe now is my turn. and just when i start to trust again, believe that i may be able to keep this then that entity comes and snatches it away and leaves me bleeding, again. the latest addition to my collection of losses came when my best friend, my lover, my everything, of a year cheated on me with some random girl he met, he was sober and the cheating was no accident, he planned it. i had been single for 11 years before i met him, i just kept myself busy with work and kids, ofcourse i dreamed of love but i never actually hoped or waited for it, it was something that was not in my plans. but then i met him. and everything changed. he made me feel and experience things, feelings and emotions that i didn't even know existed, he woke me up from a deep freeze and showed me what it is to have an amazing lover, best friend and a good man all in one. the relationship was not an easy one, it took me 4 months to realize something was "wrong" with him and a few more months to find out he's bipolar. he got depressed every 2-3 months and when he was depressed he lost all the feelings he had for me and pushed me away. i tried to be understanding because i've been depressed too and i didn't want him to think that i'm the kind of person who leaves when things get tough. he always broke up with me for the loss of his feelings and after 2-3 weeks wanted me back after the depression was over. i was hopeful for things to improve, he started therapy and i was more aware of his warning signals, i thought i was able to prepare for the oncoming depression. but he battled with his feelings for me, his depression made it so that he doesn't feel anything for anyone, only some feelings for me but to his standards those feelings weren't enough for me, no matter how much i tried to convince him that i loved him and his feelings were more than enough to me, i did not expect anything more from him because i knew that at the state of his depression he was not able to give me anything more and because that what he was able to give me was more than enough, it was more than i'd even dreamed of. but he couldn't let go of the idea that he was treating me wrongly, he complained about the missing feelings, how he was not "in love" with me, how he had no butterflies towards me. i tried to make him see that at his depression where he had none to little feelings it was unreasonable to expect similar feelings on joy and happiness compared to the time when he wasn't depressed. but nothing helped, he had guilty feelings which ofcourse made the situation worse, when he'd look at me he saw a woman who to his opinion deserved more love than he could give. i cried and i pleaded for him to see that the love he gave me was more than enough. but nothing helped. he tried to break up with me again as his latest depressive period hit home but i refused, i told him that we're not breaking up this time, we'll get through this together this time, we'll survive this stronger. he detached more and more until one saturday he disappeared totally. he did the only thing he knew i could not get over of, he cheated on me, had sex with another woman. i never knew that such pain could exist, not even with the prior experiences of shitty things that have happened to me, like i told you i've lost everything else too so this was not supposed to be a suprise but what was a suprise was the pain. it's like a knife in my stomach, twisting and turning until i can't even breath. i miss him, i would run back to him if he could show me that he's sorry and would commit to some changes, but he won't because he feels like he did a favor to me, i'm better off without him, that this is for the best for me. i don't know what's best and what's not, all i know is that i miss him, more than anything ever but i know this is the end and it's killing me. i know i'll learn to live with the pain, days will go by and life will go on but i know i'll never experience anything like i had with him and the truth of that makes me sick. i know i'll date again someday, this is not the end of my life unfortunately but i know there will always be a part of me that cries after him and the amazing things we had together. the life ahead of me seems like a long dark tunnel with no light at the end, just a maze of pain, i just can't go on anymore but i have no choise. i don't feel sorry for myself, i'm just tired and can't see anything good or worth waiting for. thank you for reading, i don't know what i hope to achieve with writing this but i just have to tell this to someone because no-one knows, everyone thinks and says to me that "your so strong" because of all the horrible things i've survived but they don't know that i'm not strong, not anymore.

need some advice basically one of my good friends sent me a link to a discord server where some of my other friends are. there is this one guy there who keeps kicking me out because it is me. when i tell em to stop he just mocks my appearance and proceeds to mess with me using server commands. i want to hang out there with the ppl i like but he is stopping me. everybody else in the discord likes him. anything i can do?

i’m so tiredi dont know how much more of this i can deal with. im so tore. i wanna go soon

who should i open up to about being depressed?it has been bugging me for months now, and i don't know if i am 100% depressed, but i am almost sure i am (i don't want to go places anymore, i feel lonely, sad, empty, and i feel like i am going to be alone forever, i only want to sit in bed and listen to music all day). i would go get diagnosed but i am a college student with no job, and i have no health insurance. so, the best i could do, is open up to somebody about it. i don't want to tell any family because i don't think they will believe me, or think that i am too happy to be depressed. i don't want to tell any of my friends from back home, because i am not that close with them anymore and i don't want to intrude on them out of the blue. i'd tell my roommates, but again, they'd think i was trying to get attention/lying because i seem too happy. my only option that i was thinking about would be this girl i met a couple weeks ago. we talk daily, and she is really nice to me, but i did ask her out a bit ago and she turned me down, but wanted to remain friends, so i don't want her to think that i am doing it so i could get with her or for her to feel bad for me. i feel like she'd be the best option at the moment because i did open up to her about some struggles i had in high school, and i have never told anyone about it before. but, she is younger so i don't know if she'll understand it either. can some of you give suggestions on who to open to, and maybe some ways to say it?

fuck, i need a different life.different and better friends, surroundings, family, day to day to-dos, work, job, city, more everything that's better. i'm just reading about what's next in the marvel films series. fuck man, if i could be involved in that, it would be fucking amazing. i'd be busy af but probably loving my life a whole lot. anybody here a creative type?

day 30 of posting my favorite bit of lyrics from a song on my spotify playlist. "i've lived in my room for the past three years, and i'm not sure if you have even noticed. and i can't wait to spend my days, making zines in the living room, or sleeping in the middle of the hallway. or sitting criss-cross, eating on the kitchen floor, or doing my own dishes, not yours." criss cross (on the kitchen floor) by human petting zoo

ahh she moved on and now i'm sad boy can i rant to anyone? i don't really want advice about it just someone who will let me rant and then go commit arson with me later.

i need help! what stereotype am i? i like anything technology, video games, green day, all-american rejects, the network, and "ain't it fun" by paramore.

here are some very cheesy pick up lines to use ·i'm a happy pirate cause i found treasure, you ·if we were in a band you'd be the guitarist cause you pluck my heart strings ·you're so cool in this hot weather my freezer is jealous ·our love is like pi irrational and never ending ·your hotter than my pc after 10 hours of minecraft ·are you a microwave cause mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ·are you a beaver cause dam ·if i got a rose each time i thought of you i'd be walking in a garden forever ·i'd say god bless you but he already did ok my god i need to wash my eyes out after reading all those

guess imma school now cant get the number off so im the school 😎

im lonely, and i feel i'll never be loved.i think i need to be open to people but i've been getting hurt by people.

the smart kid called all of my classmates racists for context she snitches a lot and we don t really like her. she is the stereotypical 13 yo white girl who can t take jokes and is offended by everything. btw she doesn t have any friends and she blames us for that(the school is in europe and we re the same nation.

anyone have any knowledge of haw to write inheritance type? i need this for a thing i'm writing yeah basically i'm writing a novel, and the first chapter has the mains getting a inheritance letter. and i'm not the best with *knowing litteraly anything about legal typish letters*, this isn't asking you to write for me, i'd just like a few tips and things to mention.

someone said they had 100£ in their pocket like damn that's heavy filter filter filter filter filter filter filter

i want to be not here anymorei want to delete everything thing, and just walk. i need to just walk away. it's not like i could get any more lonely. i couldn't get any more isolated. i need to loose weight anyway. i need time alone. i fucking hate school. i fucking hate my egotistical "friends." i fucking hate my family. i fucking hate the one person i thought i might be interested in. and i especially fucking hate myself. i want to be deleted. the world would get along better without me and i would get along better without the world.

dont click i got my dick stuck in my phone's headphone jack.

i hate album cover art where it's intentionally made to look old like crinkled paper filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler

really need advice..i started feeling the way i am about 3 years ago, and finally managed to go see a doctor two years later with alot of support from my family. i immediately got diagnosed with depression and started a course of 40mg citalopram they were okay at first, took away the constant thought of suicide a little but i still feel the pain, when everything gets too much i completely break down. it feels like my brain is being pulled out of my skull, i'm feeling every emotion under the sun and it burns my brain, it feels like i'm shitting out my stomach over and over again. if i go back is there anything else they can put me on? anything that could take that away? i cant stand it much longer. has anyone else been though this? what do i do?

not suicidal at the moment, just need to get this out. not sure how to start these things. i'm 16 years old and i was diagnosed with depression about eight months ago, but the effects of depression and suicidal thinking i've been experiencing for much longer, i'd say about 2 and a half years. i've had suicide "attempts" but i view these only as testing the waters, seeing just how close i can get to death before i back out. the most recent one was the most frightening. when i do this stuff to myself an intense clarity comes over me. it is quite literally a calm before the storm: everything is crystal clear and in those moments i swear i knew the answers to the universe. i was ready to die that night, but again i backed out. each time i get ever closer. right now i'm the happiest i've been in a long time; just gotten out of hospital and i'm on new medication, making huge strides in therapy. yet i cannot shake this feeling of utter dread. this feeling of knowledgethe simple plain fact that my time is limited and when i die, it will be by my own hand. i am my own worst enemy. it feels like trying to hold up the skyi can fight as hard as i can but eventually, the time will come when i break and the sky crushes me. i am loved. i can see it, feel it and experience the joy that it brings. but it feels worthless. i am unable to dredge up any meaning from life. i know i should try harder in school, but i just don'ti don't see the point in it. i want to make it clear that i am very happy, content with my life how it is at the moment. but similarly to how a terminal cancer patient is enjoying their last days, i enjoy my last days with those that i love. i know that people will be hurtmy family, friends, girlfriend will be absolutely crushed. but i feel like its not up for me to decidethe darkness within me is too powerful. it is relentless and i am its prisoner.

how do you date while treating depression?i spent 10 years and my entire teens trying to not be suicidal. i chose not to date because i knew i wasn't in a good place to and had no chance at making it work, but now at 23 i have yet to achieve a long term relationship, even though i've made a ton of progress in every other area, so i'm trying to make dating work. i have no problem with hooking up and dating around, but no luck making relationships last more than a few months. but i'm trying to improve my interpersonal relationships instead of sitting in a room trying to fix my mental health, while making no actual life progress. i'm really good at acting and fooling people into believing i'm happy, confident, and personable, but it's exhausting and makes me feel more depressed and afraid of being "found out". but being my real slightly shy, creative self never worked for me, especially past the age of 20, unless i accept a girl from my past reappearing randomly as a last resort. what do i do?

to sleep or to all-nighter? choices choices

what's up with some pornhub videos having music i'm trying to bust a nut not bust a move

therapy is too expensiveso i finally decided to contemplate therapy. it's almost 50 dollars an hour. i don't have that kind of money. well that's that.

teacher accidentally left mic on and made transphobic comments against another student, what do i do? my teacher during a study hall accidentally left her mic on and while talking to another teacher said that she wouldn’t refer to the student as the students respected pronoun and would continue using the students dead name, should i report this?

so i tempted death today.walked up the highway 5 hours to the next town, semis passing me by mere inches, wearing nothing but sockless converse shoes, some athletic shorts and a tee shirt. my feet are covered in blisters. but i made a point. i’m not fucking around. i don’t care if i live or die, and i would rather die than continue living with my mentally ill, emotionally neglectful and psychologically abusive parents. i am a 25 year old man, i’m damn near penniless and i cannot stand another day.

venting probably helps.i have a reoccurring idea that, at some point, i will just walk over to my well ornamented butcher block, take out my favorite carving knife, and gut myself. there are some when i just feel like i have nothing left in the tank. it feels like less of a decision and more of an instinct. nature calls. i know, from an intellectual standpoint, i lead a pretty decent life. the wife, the kids 2 kids, the two story in suburbia, and a decent career. the thing is, i've felt this way from a very early age and it's never gone away. i feel like the urge just gets stronger. it goes away sometimes, but when it returns it returns to a greater degree than before. i think part of me just feels overwhelmed by the responsibilities i've chosen to take on. i'm in a helping profession, so i deal with people in bad shape all day. but then i come home to a wife who has a collection of problems, which i thought i could fix, but who seems to take two steps back for every step forward. our son is going to turn four soon and is autistic, which isn't that bad (he's very high functioning, more on the aspergers side of things) but i see so much of me in him and i hate that. i really don't want him to have to live in the reality that i've lived in. not even sure why i'm here at this point, but i suppose it's been than not going anywhere. not looking for a responses, it won't change much, pep talks rarely do (at least not in the long run). i guess i just need to get some of this out there to see what i'm really dealing with.

i'm getting ready for the spring season of esports!! if you have any advice for overwatch, i'm streaming it rn so tell me some tips in chat! ​ [https://www.twitch.tv/fettch256](https://www.twitch.tv/fettch256)

fuck lifefuck life and fuck the world. today’s been the shittiest day of my life since my mom died.

this song hits 😔🤟://youtu.be/smnpg2zjb0a judy why you gotta keep playin hard to get when you know you really want me sooo bad what’s the matter are you scared to face the truth?? about me and you 🥺

i hope to end it soonit's getting harder for me to talk to people and harder for me to look people in the eye. i keep smacking my head recently and muttering stuff to myself. i thought my new school i could make friends and restart my social life, but i can't make friends and it's been a couple months and no new friends, destroying any chance for a romantic relationship in the future. i keep getting angry and bitter to people and i wish could take it back. i keep being the quiet, useless kid in a place where everyone is extroverted and have friends and can talk to people normally. i tried to work on my grades but it's been getting worse and worse. it's obvious i am not good at anything and will be a useless peice of shit. if i go with this in the near future, which i hope to achieve, then it will take the pain away i hope for me and other people so they don't take my shit anymore. i am tired of being the bad example for everyone to fear. if i don't die, hopefully i will be harmed at least. i've given up trying. i keep having mental breakdowns and i hate it. it's been 3 years since i been having this shit and now it seems highschool hasn't been helpful, i just don't want to do this. i keep having these hopes where i can suddenly be social, but they are only denying the inevitable. i just want it done soon.

how are you? what’s on your minds? whatcha thinking about? please tell me my friends, maybe we can have a quick chat about it

i’m slowly reducing the amount of sugar i put in my coffee coffee is great and i wish i could drink more than 1 cup without feeling like a pygmy jerboa that drank like 5 red bull’s

is this depression?i'm having a tough time accepting if i have depression or not, i definitely know something is wrong. i was diagnosed with add when i was really young and was put on ritalin till high school and then stopped taking it after that because it didn't help bring my grades up. could i have a type of depression that doesn't make you cry all the time? i do feel sad every now and then. i know i'm not enjoying life, i'm not happy with where i am and my coping mechanism is not giving a fuck about fixing it because that is too much work. even though i try i can't seem to be good at anything i do job wise, i'm really forgetful, fatigued, socially anxious. in school i barely passed all of the crucial subjects. i'm either dumb or depression, anxiety, add, or something is holding me back mentally. life feels like too much work, i'm avoiding marriage, kids, mortgage, relationships in general because i'm afraid i'm not going to be able to handle the responsibilities and fuck it all up. it couldn't be a diet problem because there are people who eat way worse than i do every day and are still functional, i have a physically demanding job and go to the gym regularly. when i get really nervous/depressed i do think about suicide, i think about it as a possible option in the future if things get bad. a'm i being lazy or can depression make you feel all slow and down all the time?

help?can anybody tell me if they get the following thing happen ever ; i went to my girlfriends house to meet some more members of her family, had a couple beers and it was alright. but i got home, sat down and it instantly felt like i hadn't even gone out like i couldn't remember things about the day, no happy thoughts or anything, making me feel shit, again, like always. that's the thing isn't it, this life, is so fucking repetitive. of course i have dreams, i dream of moving out with my girlfriend into a flat and having a kid, i dream of making my own little online graphics design store. but with this mindset, i'm not doing fuck all. i need this to change. suicide seems appropriate to end the cycle of boredom but nobody really wants to kill themselves.

i need help for history i'm supposed to be writing an eight line "rhyming poem" which is basically a diss track to support athens and make fun of sparta

i need some helpthe overwelming sense of doom is just too much today. i dont think i want to kill myself butbi feel like im dying. im sonsure im going to die im suffocating and it makes me panic. i feeel lile i have invosible hands around my mouth and neck. what do you do when youre stuck in the overwhelming sense of dread? il try anything but i just cant think straight, and im just finding it so hard to live right now. just being is unbearable, i just hate this feeling i cant eat i cant sleep i cant even lie down silently, i just dont know what tondo with myself its easier if i just kill myself even tho i dont want to, just i dont know what tondo about this feeling im helpless

he’s too dangerous to be kept alive. spongebob’s combat capabilities and raw power are seemingly immeasurable and unbelievably powerful. spongebob has the ability to absorb, reflect, and deflect any physical damage. he also has the ability to sever his own limbs and instantaneously regenerate his cells. he possesses the ability to change the configuration of his body so he could expand his body significantly or become microscopic. there is a scene where spongebob is shown to be sleeping inside of the sun unfazed and the core temperature of the sun is 15 million celsius. this means that spongebob is at least 4383x stronger than tungsten as its melting point is 3422 celsius. spongebob is also shown to unravel the string of the universe itself. with the current evidence, spongebob is made of some foreign material that is compatible and able to edit the structure of any conceivable element in the whole universe, and is seemingly invincible being able to withstand the sun and only take damage from himself but shows instantaneous regeneration. the shape shifting ability of spongebob has not been put to trial as of yet however his instantaneous regeneration could prove him to create enough mass to cover the universe. it is also referenced that spongebob has connections with other dimensions. spongebob even brought a two dimensional being into a three dimensional realm with his godly powers. to put it simply, spongebob has immeasurable power. he can reconfigure or suffocate the universe if he wanted, and he is seemingly invincible. he is essentially a deity. his regeneration has not been leveled, so in theory he could regenerate his cell mass faster than the expansion of the universe. spongebob’s true potential power is seemingly unlimited based on this evidence. i have come to the conclusion that spongebob is actually the god of bikini bottom. it seems that he has created bikini bottom for recreational uses or he has been reincarnated from a previous life where he is patiently waiting to attain his full power to crush the world. “spongebob squarepants” is genuinely a monster absorbing the life energy of the universe preparing to crush the universe and has taken the form of a sponge, concealing his true identity, to prevent fighting not at his full power. do not be surprised when spongebob destroys the entire multi-verse when he recovers enough energy to reset reality by expanding his sponginess or creating a hypernova large enough to collapse reality itself. some of spongebob’s notable feats: unraveled the galaxy took a nap within the sun fought multiple times and in a war can use his body to create weapons of mass destruction master of art as shown when he created a sculpture in three seconds with a pickaxe and created a perfect circle potentially invincible incredible regenerative and shape shifting abilities laughs at pain master of karate excellent music teacher essentially a jack of all trades infinite lifespan as shown when squidward travels 2000 years forward and spongebob is still alive achieved a state of true equanimity spongebob is always ready.

just a quick survey an unofficial thing for my reference https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1faipqlsebsb2fa_u2vwrlnzfgdffslki2hs0cgpe9a1seolcrhfdaew/viewform?usp=sf_link

goodbye alli am 65 years old. my brother just took my half of the family farm that our parents left to us, because he could afford good lawyers and i couldn't. he is now suing me for (well, what he is suing me for i do not know, because i don't have anything left). what i do have is a motorcycle, a passport, and a few dollars in cash, so i am going south. i have never done heroin, but i know i will like it. i saved it up for the end of my life. i'm going to mexico. i am going to find a beach with a good sunset and i'm going to od in a hammock there. i can think of a lot of worse ways to go out. good luck all. it's been real.

counting by 1's every day because i want to. day 2 2. thats all folks. welcome back. i hope you liked it. thanks for returning. i hope to see you tomorrow. have a nice day/night.

genuine question. so out of interest, ow many people in this sub support lgbtq+ community, and if not, is it because of your religion or other reasons

im not racist or anything but if youre from finland you definitely suck and listen to billie eilish and 6ix9ine

i did the impossible i did the impossible i won an argument against my mom. my mom was telling me to get a new interest. i already have writing and stop motion animation as my hobbies. they take up quite a lot of my time. i don’t really have a need for more interests or the time for one. that was when my mom walked away and shouted, “why can’t you be irrational for once!” she jokes around. she wasn’t really mad. although she was actually upset a bit.

family waste food they went to the food bank even though we have food lots of it aparentaly we don't have food we had enough food for a week and when we came home she threw most of it out cause it had werid spots which were fine

could not find work, feels like this is itlong story short. moved abroad to study, dropped out. had a job but i got depressed and could not show up to work for over a week and got laid off. i've been living with my remaining savings, closed in my room that i rent. i struggle to get out of bed, i spend from 14 to 18 hours in my bed doing nothing. i can barely manage to get out of the house to buy food so i can survive. i have just spent several months doing nothing and i am officially getting kicked out of my house in about two weeks. i don't really have any good friends around to help me out, i know some people and i'll ask if i can crash at their place for a few days, but doubt it's going to get me far. maybe when i will hit rock bottom something will change. moral of my poorly written life story is don't be like me, don't wait for a miracle if you have no plan b, depression drives you towards self-destruction. good luck.

i need someone to talk toi feel so empty. i either feel nothing or i feel too much too quick.. and either way it fucks me up.

just slipped back into depressionhello r/depression, first time here, i have battled depression all my life and for the most part i haven't had any major instances of depression in a good 5 years. until monday, i was sitting at my desk realizing what i'm doing right now at work, doesn't matter and i'm insignificant and now i can't shake that feeling. now i have trouble focusing, getting motivation for anything, even playing video games isn't sounding appealing and that's always appealing for me. i keep a smile on in front of my daughter because she's three and doesn't understand that daddy isn't sad, he's just not himself. disclaimer*i'm a little sad.* anyway just wanted to get this off my chest. thanks for the read.

i don't know what to do anymore.my life the past few years has been like some fucked up sad movie. my parents both had cancer at the same time when i was sixteen. i have no siblings and my extended family is basically non-existent. after a year of chemotherapy and surgery, my mom went into remission for few months, and then she died. it's been nearly two years since she passed and i'm still not okay. i've failed so many college classes that i know i should be able to pass. i'm angry, bitter, and so incredibly exhausted all the time. if i killed myself, i would kill my dad too. i'm all he has left and i feel so guilty for even thinking about suicide.

ok guys i'm bored. give me ideas i need a halloween costume. any ideas? and yes i am still dressing up on halloween even though i don't go trick or treating :)

i really cannot make a happy post i’m just sad, like “i deserve to die slowly and painfully” type of sad

day 64 of posting lines from the bee movie every day until i get a s/o wow! i'm out! i can't believe i'm out! so blue. i feel so fast and free! box kite! wow! flowers!

why should an ugly person bother living their ugly life?.............

feel like starving myself to deathi'm too scared to take any real method out. i would never do it anyway, i want to die but i don't wanna leave the last vestiges of the things i still hold sentiment for. like my cat and i need to finish skyrim once and for all. ironic that such a useless thing is a reason to live for me. otherwise ive been just laying awake at night and wondering about all the ways i could kill myself. i could drop myself into the river and drown. i could just try to run around town and threaten cops with a fake gun. i was thinking about starving myself. no one would realize i was doing it. it would probably take too long since i'm obese. but maybe being skinny for the first time in my life would give me motivation to get out of bed for once. maybe the survival instinct inside of me would kick in and make me see i don't really wanna die. just maybe.

not to get political but a̸̡̛̲̲̦̳̘͐̌̈̈́̆͆́͊̿̍̾̀͊͂̓͘͝͝a̵̧̛̫̯͖̠͙̬̻̟̬͕̽̏̊͆̂͛̑̈́̅́̀̈́̀̈̋͗͒̚̚͝ą̷̢̞̻̻͚̝̠̻̣̻̙̫̥͚͉̲͇͓̘̯͈̘̪̽́̓̀͋̓̎͗̏̿̆̏̕̕͜͜͜a̶̧̧̘̰̪̱̭͉̣̦̮̹̜̤̭̰̞̺͇͎̬͚͚̖̙̗͉̜̩̞̮̲̠͂͗̇̈̂̉̚͜͜͜͜͝ͅͅͅͅą̸̗̳͉̲̜͎̆̔̏̐̈́̈́́̀̌̄̽̈̌͆̐̇̓͒͐͌̈́̒̏̽̑́a̵̡̙̩͔̱̻̠̙̿́̈́̈́̋͑͑͆̎̕ä̷̢̧̺̜̖̜̤͉͕̰̰̤̝̳̫͚̳̞̫̲̳̬̱͓̲͈̳̥̠̗̲̠̲̭͔̼̝̫̽̀̇̌̉̐̃̽̊͆̎̋͌͜͠͝ͅả̴̡̨̳͓̲̠̮͍̝͈͕̮͍͓͍̜̯͚̯͖̯̲͉̥̐͒͗̃͂̈́͊̎̋̿̉̈́̑͑̆͒͂̍̎́̅͋̑̊͘͜͝͝ͅǎ̷̧̡̛̛͙͚͎͔̰̙͍̬̖̎͋̌̒͛̀̈́͛͌͗͒̎̄̾́͐̌̍̈́̄͊͒͂̑̇̅̎̑̀̃̆̈́́̓̇͋̚͘͘̚͜͝ȧ̵̧͔̩͂̽̏̀͋̐͑̄͒̉͂͛͐̽͂̒̐̎́̀̇̓͋̈́̎̓̾̕͘͘̚̚͝͝a̷̛̛͉̞͍̻̞̞̿̓́̋̾̐͗̀̒̃̑̃̐̑̔̂̃̉͊͂̌̿̇̌̓͊̅̔͂͗̓̆̚̕̚̕͘̕͝ȧ̸̡̢̨̟͎̱͕͍̱̰̱̟͖̭̳͓̘͈̙͕̺̜̞̤̬̈́͋̾̿̀̄̒̉̔̎̈́̈́͐̍̓̽͘͝ͅą̴̢̨͍̪͉̱̦͍̙̝͈̰͕̫̤͎͖͓͍̭̬̝̱̭͙̫͓̠̯̭̰̹͍̮̳̭̙̗̥̲̪͑͂̌̓̎̅̈̈̑̇́̀͒̅̃̇̐̊̑̑̒̈́͆̊̅̃̒͛̈́̂͊̑͌̃̕͘͜a̴̢̛̛̛̼̬͕̱͓͈̥͙̙͍̪̗͙̫͍̤̬͑̈̐͗̉́̈́͛̌͌̅̈́̏̐́̍̽̊̉͋̀̄̄̾͂͌̓̃̒͋̀̈́̾̈́̂̀͋̕̚͜͝͝a̴̧̹̰̝̟̱̥͈͕̮̙̼̳̫̟͍̱̤̠̹̥̠̠͍̳͇̣̯͍͊̈́̄̌͑͑͊̽̽͋̍͗͗̀̽̆͒͋͐͐̄̄̃͘̚͝͝ͅͅͅa̸̧̧̧̧̦͙̠̭̥̱̘̤̰̲̟̳̻̖̲̓̏̿͒͊̀̎̃̒̈́͛͋́̅̃́̌̈͆͗̽͂́͆́̕͝͠͝͠͝a̵̡̧̗̲̜̣̗̜̮͕͎̺̜̲̬͖͔͍͙̪͉̩͇̹͖̰̪͕̻̾̇͒̀͐̂̍̇͜͝a̴̧̡̨̝͚͔͔̹͖̪͓̞̞̦̻̦͎̤̘̺̪͙͉̝̹͉̽͋̿̕̚͜͜͝͠a̵̧̨̨̨̪͙̬̝͚̣̯͕̘̪̼̺̼̝͇͑ͅa̸̢͓̟̮͚̟̙͇̝̗͖̦͇̝̦̠̹̬̫͕̮͋͐̈̏̾̈̾̀̉̈́̎̾̒̍͆͋̄͆͊̎̀̾̀̊̚͘ą̶̡̡̢͚̳̦̤͇̯̮̤̰̦̺͕̠̥͖̠͚̗̪͖̳͔̣͎͙̲͛̄̇͌͐͗͒͆̐̓̆̽̈a̷̢̜̖̫̙̻͈̙̻̪͇͎͍͎̠͓̻̲̜̣̘̮̰̜͇̥̲͈͗̏̽̈̌͊̑͘͜͝ͅæ̴̡̛͉͇͇̩̩͉̼̥̹͙̩̺̦̠͔̰͖̞͕͛̀̌́̋̇͗̍̃͒͗̀̈́̇͑͂̈́̀̔̀̿͛̒̔̔̚̚͘̚̚͠͝ͅả̸̢̢̗͍̭̗͈̙͇̦͙̜̮͇̣̬̀̑́̓̉͗́͗̈́͋͂̄͒̎͛͝ͅä̶̧̡̧̡̨̨̧̜̝͇͓̺̫͎̦͕͓̭̰͕̪̻̺̤̮̳̗̭̙̪̺̠̠̣̹͔̹̤̠́̐͆̐̍͊̓͑́̉́̂͋̌̎͐͐̚̕͜͜ͅą̶̢̧͎̻̤͎̺̩̥̻̻̲̫̜̝̮͎͍̗̗̳̣̍̅̋͆̇̽̽̂̈͛̀́͌̿̉̒͑̃͆͊̇̈́̊̍̚̕͜͠͝͝ą̵̨̡̢̧̛͖͇̥̟̘̰̳̜̦͚̞̟̖̮̟̺̭̯̯͙̻̭̜̭̝̱̘̳̂̈́͊̋̅̓̌̆͜͜͜ḁ̵̢̡̡̛̲͍͔̣̯̬̩͚̗͚̣͉̯̜͎̹̖̗̭̰̜̘̣̰̓̂̎̅̏̄̌̿͋̋͆͒̈̊͂̏͌̐̋̆͊̑͆̍̄̒̐̀̆͘̕͘̕͜͝͝͠ͅa̷̧̢̧̳͎̼̤̟̫̖͎͓̪͈̖̮͉̭͚͔͍̘̲̰͉̲̮̪͚̩̖̹͓̰̯̝̠̗̣̐̆̏͑͂̄̓̔̋̿̏̈́̽̓̅́͋̔͜͝͝ͅͅa̸̢̢̨̯̹̤͕͉͚̗̗̪̜̣̪̪̠̦̫͈͔̹̞̗̺̥̪̪͓̓̌͋͑́̅̾ä̶̡̨̧̛̛͕̦̘̰͇̠̖͙̬̻̼͎̣͔͈̝̼͖͖͔͔̫́̌̓͒̈́̓͌͗͊̓͂̎̅̈̈́̆̿͛̈́̂̃̋͒̔̊̒́̇͘̕̚͘͜͝͝ͅͅa̷̧̛͎̞̱̗͌̈́͌̒̽̽̔̽̆̆̇̅̆̾̽̿̀̍̃͐́a̶̰͐͒̃̅̀̆͊̈́̃͒̀͛a̶̢̢̨̛̳͓͇̬͖̦̣͚̭̬͉̙̙̣̱̱͚̼̜͈̞̩̰̖͔̞̙̯̭̰̦̪͇̋͗͛̐̽̋͊͑̅̒̿̔̔̊̋͂̾̀͋́͛̕͜͠a̶̢̡̢̨̛͈͈̳͕͙̬̮̫̙̖͈̥̮̲̝̲͕͈̫͓̫͇̼͓͖͑̍̿̃͛̒͋̀̿̍̅͑͘̚̕͘̕͜a̴̡̢̧̻͓̠͉̯̻̣̖̩̘͖͙̟̤̠̞̻̞̠͖̩̺͔͚̒̃̔͐̃̒͛̃̿̑̎̅̓̀̉̈̿͋̚͝͝͠ȁ̸̢̨̧̡̨͕͚̦̜̰̗̺̟͎̖̺̝̱͚̠͖͖̹͈̞̝̱͈̹͈̄̾̈́̈́̽̕ͅa̶̧̢̡͙̼͓̪͓̮̞̤̙̤͔̮͚̜̗̣̪̮̥̙͎͈͎̖͉̯̳̥̦̩̤̘̰̗͌̏̿͂̂̒̐͋̎͌̾͂̈́̾̾̅̍̎̆̉͑̆͂̄̾͑̚͜͝͝ͅą̷̛̝̖̙̘͕͖̰͉̺̫̩̬̜̯̭͓̖͓͉̰̘̖̺̪̬̫̫̳͚́̎̏́̆̅̔̒̓̐̋̎͛̊̑̍̂̀́̍̉̾̈̉͐̑̏̓̉̿̾̇̑̒̋̿͘͘̕̕͠͝ą̸̢̗̗͉̣͖͍̥̫̝͖̖̗̮͎̀̋͑̎̓̍̌̽̆̾̊̋̌͊͒͐̒̾̀͑̊̉̓̒̓̃͒̀̓̅̀̓̃̚̕̚͘̕̚͝͠͝͝͠à̶̢̙̙͙̓͂̓̆́̇̈́̈͌̅͗̊͛͐̿̍̋̏̓̀̌̚̚͠͝͝͠ä̶̲̣̞̰͓̟̹̥̻́͌̒̋̔̒͌̆̉̽́͊̊̈́͛̎́͘͘͘͠a̸̡̛̲̲̦̳̘͐̌̈̈́̆͆́͊̿̍̾̀͊͂̓͘͝͝a̵̧̛̫̯͖̠͙̬̻̟̬͕̽̏̊͆̂͛̑̈́̅́̀̈́̀̈̋͗͒̚̚͝ą̷̢̞̻̻͚̝̠̻̣̻̙̫̥͚͉̲͇͓̘̯͈̘̪̽́̓̀͋̓̎͗̏̿̆̏̕̕͜͜͜a̶̧̧̘̰̪̱̭͉̣̦̮̹̜̤̭̰̞̺͇͎̬͚͚̖̙̗͉̜̩̞̮̲̠͂͗̇̈̂̉̚͜͜͜͜͝ͅͅͅͅą̸̗̳͉̲̜͎̆̔̏̐̈́̈́́̀̌̄̽̈̌͆̐̇̓͒͐͌̈́̒̏̽̑́a̵̡̙̩͔̱̻̠̙̿́̈́̈́̋͑͑͆̎̕ä̷̢̧̺̜̖̜̤͉͕̰̰̤̝̳̫͚̳̞̫̲̳̬̱͓̲͈̳̥̠̗̲̠̲̭͔̼̝̫̽̀̇̌̉̐̃̽̊͆̎̋͌͜͠͝ͅả̴̡̨̳͓̲̠̮͍̝͈͕̮͍͓͍̜̯͚̯͖̯̲͉̥̐͒͗̃͂̈́͊̎̋̿̉̈́̑͑̆͒͂̍̎́̅͋̑̊͘͜͝͝ͅǎ̷̧̡̛̛͙͚͎͔̰̙͍̬̖̎͋̌̒͛̀̈́͛͌͗͒̎̄̾́͐̌̍̈́̄͊͒͂̑̇̅̎̑̀̃̆̈́́̓̇͋̚͘͘̚͜͝ȧ̵̧͔̩͂̽̏̀͋̐͑̄͒̉͂͛͐̽͂̒̐̎́̀̇̓͋̈́̎̓̾̕͘͘̚̚͝͝a̷̛̛͉̞͍̻̞̞̿̓́̋̾̐͗̀̒̃̑̃̐̑̔̂̃̉͊͂̌̿̇̌̓͊̅̔͂͗̓̆̚̕̚̕͘̕͝ȧ̸̡̢̨̟͎̱͕͍̱̰̱̟͖̭̳͓̘͈̙͕̺̜̞̤̬̈́͋̾̿̀̄̒̉̔̎̈́̈́͐̍̓̽͘͝ͅą̴̢̨͍̪͉̱̦͍̙̝͈̰͕̫̤͎͖͓͍̭̬̝̱̭͙̫͓̠̯̭̰̹͍̮̳̭̙̗̥̲̪͑͂̌̓̎̅̈̈̑̇́̀͒̅̃̇̐̊̑̑̒̈́͆̊̅̃̒͛̈́̂͊̑͌̃̕͘͜a̴̢̛̛̛̼̬͕̱͓͈̥͙̙͍̪̗͙̫͍̤̬͑̈̐͗̉́̈́͛̌͌̅̈́̏̐́̍̽̊̉͋̀̄̄̾͂͌̓̃̒͋̀̈́̾̈́̂̀͋̕̚͜͝͝a̴̧̹̰̝̟̱̥͈͕̮̙̼̳̫̟͍̱̤̠̹̥̠̠͍̳͇̣̯͍͊̈́̄̌͑͑͊̽̽͋̍͗͗̀̽̆͒͋͐͐̄̄̃͘̚͝͝ͅͅͅa̸̧̧̧̧̦͙̠̭̥̱̘̤̰̲̟̳̻̖̲̓̏̿͒͊̀̎̃̒̈́͛͋́̅̃́̌̈͆͗̽͂́͆́̕͝͠͝͠͝a̵̡̧̗̲̜̣̗̜̮͕͎̺̜̲̬͖͔͍͙̪͉̩͇̹͖̰̪͕̻̾̇͒̀͐̂̍̇͜͝a̴̧̡̨̝͚͔͔̹͖̪͓̞̞̦̻̦͎̤̘̺̪͙͉̝̹͉̽͋̿̕̚͜͜͝͠a̵̧̨̨̨̪͙̬̝͚̣̯͕̘̪̼̺̼̝͇͑ͅa̸̢͓̟̮͚̟̙͇̝̗͖̦͇̝̦̠̹̬̫͕̮͋͐̈̏̾̈̾̀̉̈́̎̾̒̍͆͋̄͆͊̎̀̾̀̊̚͘ą̶̡̡̢͚̳̦̤͇̯̮̤̰̦̺͕̠̥͖̠͚̗̪͖̳͔̣͎͙̲͛̄̇͌͐͗͒͆̐̓̆̽̈a̷̢̜̖̫̙̻͈̙̻̪͇͎͍͎̠͓̻̲̜̣̘̮̰̜͇̥̲͈͗̏̽̈̌͊̑͘͜͝ͅæ̴̡̛͉͇͇̩̩͉̼̥̹͙̩̺̦̠͔̰͖̞͕͛̀̌́̋̇͗̍̃͒͗̀̈́̇͑͂̈́̀̔̀̿͛̒̔̔̚̚͘̚̚͠͝ͅả̸̢̢̗͍̭̗͈̙͇̦͙̜̮͇̣̬̀̑́̓̉͗́͗̈́͋͂̄͒̎͛͝ͅä̶̧̡̧̡̨̨̧̜̝͇͓̺̫͎̦͕͓̭̰͕̪̻̺̤̮̳̗̭̙̪̺̠̠̣̹͔̹̤̠́̐͆̐̍͊̓͑́̉́̂͋̌̎͐͐̚̕͜͜ͅą̶̢̧͎̻̤͎̺̩̥̻̻̲̫̜̝̮͎͍̗̗̳̣̍̅̋͆̇̽̽̂̈͛̀́͌̿̉̒͑̃͆͊̇̈́̊̍̚̕͜͠͝͝ą̵̨̡̢̧̛͖͇̥̟̘̰̳̜̦͚̞̟̖̮̟̺̭̯̯͙̻̭̜̭̝̱̘̳̂̈́͊̋̅̓̌̆͜͜͜ḁ̵̢̡̡̛̲͍͔̣̯̬̩͚̗͚̣͉̯̜͎̹̖̗̭̰̜̘̣̰̓̂̎̅̏̄̌̿͋̋͆͒̈̊͂̏͌̐̋̆͊̑͆̍̄̒̐̀̆͘̕͘̕͜͝͝͠ͅa̷̧̢̧̳͎̼̤̟̫̖͎͓̪͈̖̮͉̭͚͔͍̘̲̰͉̲̮̪͚̩̖̹͓̰̯̝̠̗̣̐̆̏͑͂̄̓̔̋̿̏̈́̽̓̅́͋̔͜͝͝ͅͅa̸̢̢̨̯̹̤͕͉͚̗̗̪̜̣̪̪̠̦̫͈͔̹̞̗̺̥̪̪͓̓̌͋͑́̅̾ä̶̡̨̧̛̛͕̦̘̰͇̠̖͙̬̻̼͎̣͔͈̝̼͖͖͔͔̫́̌̓͒̈́̓͌͗͊̓͂̎̅̈̈́̆̿͛̈́̂̃̋͒̔̊̒́̇͘̕̚͘͜͝͝ͅͅthis is a cry for helpa̷̧̛͎̞̱̗͌̈́͌̒̽̽̔̽̆̆̇̅̆̾̽̿̀̍̃͐́a̶̰͐͒̃̅̀̆͊̈́̃͒̀͛a̶̢̢̨̛̳͓͇̬͖̦̣͚̭̬͉̙̙̣̱̱͚̼̜͈̞̩̰̖͔̞̙̯̭̰̦̪͇̋͗͛̐̽̋͊͑̅̒̿̔̔̊̋͂̾̀͋́͛̕͜͠a̶̢̡̢̨̛͈͈̳͕͙̬̮̫̙̖͈̥̮̲̝̲͕͈̫͓̫͇̼͓͖͑̍̿̃͛̒͋̀̿̍̅͑͘̚̕͘̕͜a̴̡̢̧̻͓̠͉̯̻̣̖̩̘͖͙̟̤̠̞̻̞̠͖̩̺͔͚̒̃̔͐̃̒͛̃̿̑̎̅̓̀̉̈̿͋̚͝͝͠ȁ̸̢̨̧̡̨͕͚̦̜̰̗̺̟͎̖̺̝̱͚̠͖͖̹͈̞̝̱͈̹͈̄̾̈́̈́̽̕ͅa̶̧̢̡͙̼͓̪͓̮̞̤̙̤͔̮͚̜̗̣̪̮̥̙͎͈͎̖͉̯̳̥̦̩̤̘̰̗͌̏̿͂̂̒̐͋̎͌̾͂̈́̾̾̅̍̎̆̉͑̆͂̄̾͑̚͜͝͝ͅą̷̛̝̖̙̘͕͖̰͉̺̫̩̬̜̯̭͓̖͓͉̰̘̖̺̪̬̫̫̳͚́̎̏́̆̅̔̒̓̐̋̎͛̊̑̍̂̀́̍̉̾̈̉͐̑̏̓̉̿̾̇̑̒̋̿͘͘̕̕͠͝ą̸̢̗̗͉̣͖͍̥̫̝͖̖̗̮͎̀̋͑̎̓̍̌̽̆̾̊̋̌͊͒͐̒̾̀͑̊̉̓̒̓̃͒̀̓̅̀̓̃̚̕̚͘̕̚͝͠͝͝͠à̶̢̙̙͙̓͂̓̆́̇̈́̈͌̅͗̊͛͐̿̍̋̏̓̀̌̚̚͠͝͝͠ä̶̲̣̞̰͓̟̹̥̻́͌̒̋̔̒͌̆̉̽́͊̊̈́͛̎́͘͘͘͠a̸̡̛̲̲̦̳̘͐̌̈̈́̆͆́͊̿̍̾̀͊͂̓͘͝͝a̵̧̛̫̯͖̠͙̬̻̟̬͕̽̏̊͆̂͛̑̈́̅́̀̈́̀̈̋͗͒̚̚͝ą̷̢̞̻̻͚̝̠̻̣̻̙̫̥͚͉̲͇͓̘̯͈̘̪̽́̓̀͋̓̎͗̏̿̆̏̕̕͜͜͜a̶̧̧̘̰̪̱̭͉̣̦̮̹̜̤̭̰̞̺͇͎̬͚͚̖̙̗͉̜̩̞̮̲̠͂͗̇̈̂̉̚͜͜͜͜͝ͅͅͅͅą̸̗̳͉̲̜͎̆̔̏̐̈́̈́́̀̌̄̽̈̌͆̐̇̓͒͐͌̈́̒̏̽̑́a̵̡̙̩͔̱̻̠̙̿́̈́̈́̋͑͑͆̎̕ä̷̢̧̺̜̖̜̤͉͕̰̰̤̝̳̫͚̳̞̫̲̳̬̱͓̲͈̳̥̠̗̲̠̲̭͔̼̝̫̽̀̇̌̉̐̃̽̊͆̎̋͌͜͠͝ͅả̴̡̨̳͓̲̠̮͍̝͈͕̮͍͓͍̜̯͚̯͖̯̲͉̥̐͒͗̃͂̈́͊̎̋̿̉̈́̑͑̆͒͂̍̎́̅͋̑̊͘͜͝͝ͅǎ̷̧̡̛̛͙͚͎͔̰̙͍̬̖̎͋̌̒͛̀̈́͛͌͗͒̎̄̾́͐̌̍̈́̄͊͒͂̑̇̅̎̑̀̃̆̈́́̓̇͋̚͘͘̚͜͝ȧ̵̧͔̩͂̽̏̀͋̐͑̄͒̉͂͛͐̽͂̒̐̎́̀̇̓͋̈́̎̓̾̕͘͘̚̚͝͝a̷̛̛͉̞͍̻̞̞̿̓́̋̾̐͗̀̒̃̑̃̐̑̔̂̃̉͊͂̌̿̇̌̓͊̅̔͂͗̓̆̚̕̚̕͘̕͝ȧ̸̡̢̨̟͎̱͕͍̱̰̱̟͖̭̳͓̘͈̙͕̺̜̞̤̬̈́͋̾̿̀̄̒̉̔̎̈́̈́͐̍̓̽͘͝ͅą̴̢̨͍̪͉̱̦͍̙̝͈̰͕̫̤͎͖͓͍̭̬̝̱̭͙̫͓̠̯̭̰̹͍̮̳̭̙̗̥̲̪͑͂̌̓̎̅̈̈̑̇́̀͒̅̃̇̐̊̑̑̒̈́͆̊̅̃̒͛̈́̂͊̑͌̃̕͘͜a̴̢̛̛̛̼̬͕̱͓͈̥͙̙͍̪̗͙̫͍̤̬͑̈̐͗̉́̈́͛̌͌̅̈́̏̐́̍̽̊̉͋̀̄̄̾͂͌̓̃̒͋̀̈́̾̈́̂̀͋̕̚͜͝͝a̴̧̹̰̝̟̱̥͈͕̮̙̼̳̫̟͍̱̤̠̹̥̠̠͍̳͇̣̯͍͊̈́̄̌͑͑͊̽̽͋̍͗͗̀̽̆͒͋͐͐̄̄̃͘̚͝͝ͅͅͅa̸̧̧̧̧̦͙̠̭̥̱̘̤̰̲̟̳̻̖̲̓̏̿͒͊̀̎̃̒̈́͛͋́̅̃́̌̈͆͗̽͂́͆́̕͝͠͝͠͝a̵̡̧̗̲̜̣̗̜̮͕͎̺̜̲̬͖͔͍͙̪͉̩͇̹͖̰̪͕̻̾̇͒̀͐̂̍̇͜͝a̴̧̡̨̝͚͔͔̹͖̪͓̞̞̦̻̦͎̤̘̺̪͙͉̝̹͉̽͋̿̕̚͜͜͝͠a̵̧̨̨̨̪͙̬̝͚̣̯͕̘̪̼̺̼̝͇͑ͅa̸̢͓̟̮͚̟̙͇̝̗͖̦͇̝̦̠̹̬̫͕̮͋͐̈̏̾̈̾̀̉̈́̎̾̒̍͆͋̄͆͊̎̀̾̀̊̚͘ą̶̡̡̢͚̳̦̤͇̯̮̤̰̦̺͕̠̥͖̠͚̗̪͖̳͔̣͎͙̲͛̄̇͌͐͗͒͆̐̓̆̽̈a̷̢̜̖̫̙̻͈̙̻̪͇͎͍͎̠͓̻̲̜̣̘̮̰̜͇̥̲͈͗̏̽̈̌͊̑͘͜͝ͅæ̴̡̛͉͇͇̩̩͉̼̥̹͙̩̺̦̠͔̰͖̞͕͛̀̌́̋̇͗̍̃͒͗̀̈́̇͑͂̈́̀̔̀̿͛̒̔̔̚̚͘̚̚͠͝ͅả̸̢̢̗͍̭̗͈̙͇̦͙̜̮͇̣̬̀̑́̓̉͗́͗̈́͋͂̄͒̎͛͝ͅä̶̧̡̧̡̨̨̧̜̝͇͓̺̫͎̦͕͓̭̰͕̪̻̺̤̮̳̗̭̙̪̺̠̠̣̹͔̹̤̠́̐͆̐̍͊̓͑́̉́̂͋̌̎͐͐̚̕͜͜ͅą̶̢̧͎̻̤͎̺̩̥̻̻̲̫̜̝̮͎͍̗̗̳̣̍̅̋͆̇̽̽̂̈͛̀́͌̿̉̒͑̃͆͊̇̈́̊̍̚̕͜͠͝͝ą̵̨̡̢̧̛͖͇̥̟̘̰̳̜̦͚̞̟̖̮̟̺̭̯̯͙̻̭̜̭̝̱̘̳̂̈́͊̋̅̓̌̆͜͜͜ḁ̵̢̡̡̛̲͍͔̣̯̬̩͚̗͚̣͉̯̜͎̹̖̗̭̰̜̘̣̰̓̂̎̅̏̄̌̿͋̋͆͒̈̊͂̏͌̐̋̆͊̑͆̍̄̒̐̀̆͘̕͘̕͜͝͝͠ͅa̷̧̢̧̳͎̼̤̟̫̖͎͓̪͈̖̮͉̭͚͔͍̘̲̰͉̲̮̪͚̩̖̹͓̰̯̝̠̗̣̐̆̏͑͂̄̓̔̋̿̏̈́̽̓̅́͋̔͜͝͝ͅͅa̸̢̢̨̯̹̤͕͉͚̗̗̪̜̣̪̪̠̦̫͈͔̹̞̗̺̥̪̪͓̓̌͋͑́̅̾ä̶̡̨̧̛̛͕̦̘̰͇̠̖͙̬̻̼͎̣͔͈̝̼͖͖͔͔̫́̌̓͒̈́̓͌͗͊̓͂̎̅̈̈́̆̿͛̈́̂̃̋͒̔̊̒́̇͘̕̚͘͜͝͝ͅͅa̷̧̛͎̞̱̗͌̈́͌̒̽̽̔̽̆̆̇̅̆̾̽̿̀̍̃͐́a̶̰͐͒̃̅̀̆͊̈́̃͒̀͛a̶̢̢̨̛̳͓͇̬͖̦̣͚̭̬͉̙̙̣̱̱͚̼̜͈̞̩̰̖͔̞̙̯̭̰̦̪͇̋͗͛̐̽̋͊͑̅̒̿̔̔̊̋͂̾̀͋́͛̕͜͠a̶̢̡̢̨̛͈͈̳͕͙̬̮̫̙̖͈̥̮̲̝̲͕͈̫͓̫͇̼͓͖͑̍̿̃͛̒͋̀̿̍̅͑͘̚̕͘̕͜a̴̡̢̧̻͓̠͉̯̻̣̖̩̘͖͙̟̤̠̞̻̞̠͖̩̺͔͚̒̃̔͐̃̒͛̃̿̑̎̅̓̀̉̈̿͋̚͝͝͠ȁ̸̢̨̧̡̨͕͚̦̜̰̗̺̟͎̖̺̝̱͚̠͖͖̹͈̞̝̱͈̹͈̄̾̈́̈́̽̕ͅa̶̧̢̡͙̼͓̪͓̮̞̤̙̤͔̮͚̜̗̣̪̮̥̙͎͈͎̖͉̯̳̥̦̩̤̘̰̗͌̏̿͂̂̒̐͋̎͌̾͂̈́̾̾̅̍̎̆̉͑̆͂̄̾͑̚͜͝͝ͅą̷̛̝̖̙̘͕͖̰͉̺̫̩̬̜̯̭͓̖͓͉̰̘̖̺̪̬̫̫̳͚́̎̏́̆̅̔̒̓̐̋̎͛̊̑̍̂̀́̍̉̾̈̉͐̑̏̓̉̿̾̇̑̒̋̿͘͘̕̕͠͝ą̸̢̗̗͉̣͖͍̥̫̝͖̖̗̮͎̀̋͑̎̓̍̌̽̆̾̊̋̌͊͒͐̒̾̀͑̊̉̓̒̓̃͒̀̓̅̀̓̃̚̕̚͘̕̚͝͠͝͝͠à̶̢̙̙͙̓͂̓̆́̇̈́̈͌̅͗̊͛͐̿̍̋̏̓̀̌̚̚͠͝͝͠ä̶̲̣̞̰͓̟̹̥̻́͌̒̋̔̒͌̆̉̽́͊̊̈́͛̎́͘͘͘͠

i can officially be on this subreddit! todays my birthday and im 13 now! :-)

gender dysphoria fucking suckseverytime i wake up and look in the mirror all i can feel is just fucking sadness. i hate myself for multiple reasons, and i don’t feel comfortable being male. there is literally nothing i can do about it. going through one of those operations does nothing in my mind and all that it does do is fuck up the mind of people close to me. i play online with a team and i don’t have a mic, my character is female and eventually they asked what gender i am. i hate lying so i just told them i was male and i felt so bad. i wanted to cut my arm completely open but my blade recently got confiscated and all i have now is a dull pencil sharpener blade that doesn’t even make me bleed. i’m so unbelievably frustrated. i wanna end it so badly but i’m so scared at the same time. i’m young so a therapist is not an option as my family would eventually find out that way considering that they’re the ones that have to organize it. i feel incredibly uncomfortable talking about it so that’s not an option either. now i’m just here ranting on reddit because there is nothing else i can do. add all this with my self hatred and depressing surroundings and you’ve got an incredibly frustrating life. i wish that there was just a button where i would wake up as a female and it would be as if i was born like that. i almost never cry but right now i’m seriously starting to drop a tear as i just don’t know how to continue anymore.

i feel like i’ve run out of resources.counseling isn’t available near as often as i really need it. i’m taking medication and just switched to a stronger one but so far it isn’t looking good (i’ve tried quite a few already). i have too much to bring to the couple friends i do have. does anyone have any suggestions for further resources? i don’t know what to do.

how do you talk to the counselor? do you like.... just go to office and say, "yes, hello, i would like to speak to the counselor one day." is that how you do that? idk

to people who are giving out frogs i would want a conscript squad attached to the frog. i need the tactical toad by 3 and i need to take berlin by 4.

a situation i guess so i’ve got into a situation with my friend group where one of them god angry at me for pretty much no reason and attacked me so i defended myself and punched him and he bled a lot. so now one of my other friends is pissed at me and has said that he wants to fight me and idk if i should do it or not. i’m 5’6 and he’s a little taller and a little stronger than me cos i’ve arm wrestled him before. but i have 3 years of judo training, some boxing training and some general knowledge about fighting. should i say yes?

i dont want to die!!!so i am 15yo living w my mom... my grades are piece of shit but im trying to make it better but i cant and there are not only grades problem everything is im broke asf got no social life everything seems dark to me and everyday i hope it gets better but its only worse and worse and i dont want to die i really dont want to die but i need to die i didnt expirience much things in my life but idk… life is like nasty dream

was talking to her last evening and its a relaxed feeling knowing everything is okay yeah crush type things long story 4 years me simping we had some trouble etc so the result is that she doesnt want me to apologise again since she forgot everything that happened during our fights, i did ask her to just leave the time i liked her behind. she doesnt want to forget and act like i never liked her, we are not really friends now but she said that shes open for it but does need to think about it. also she said she will be kind for me

i need help getting myself normal again.i seem to have had depression since around june, it has been getting progressively worse and now it feels crippling, i don't know what to do any more. i left uni and i feel so out of touch in my home town, all my friends are still there. i have applied for over 80 jobs since i left, and i am either over qualified or have no experience. i just feel like giving up really.

i failed no nut november it all happened so fast... i was craving a snack, as one does. however, due to covid quarantine, we're somewhat low on food. we're not gonna starve, but that's about it. i looked everywhere for something small to chew on, and just as i was about to give up, i saw ita half-full package of salted peanuts. i thought about it for a while. what's nnn good for anyway? unable to come up with an answer that would satisfy me, i indulged in the peanuts. this must've angered the gods of nnn, as my stomach ached for about half an hour after that. or i just ate too much peanuts at once. who knows. let this be a lesson for youif you're taking nnn seriously and nevertheless have nuts somewhere in your domicile, make sure there's also a more enticing alternative. i wish you all courage and good luck.

thoughts?hey guys, im brand new here and im looking for someone to understand what im going through. im 17 yeas old and im somewhat of a failure, my marks are bad, im not that good looking, im not smart, im not physically strong, the list just goes on; i just feel sub-par. just last night, i kind of had a breakthrough and cried myself to sleep asking myself what i would do for the rest of my life, because, with the marks im getting, theres no way in hell that i will be able to go to university. im looking for someone else that felt the incredible stress of society, and overcame it. i would be more than willing to read any suggestions and stories about how to overcome this incredible stress and pressure of living up to the worlds "norm" by the way, im not really very open about my mental state. i put on a "mask" if you will of normality, andon the exterior, im just a laid back under-achiever. but recently, i feel that my maask is slipping and i dont know how to cope thanks

a good friend didn't invite me to his birthday party. now, i feel weird.and he's actually a really good friend of mine. yesterday was his birthday party, and a lot of our mutual friends went--even my roommate! and so i became very depressed that night and couldn't sleep at all. and now i'm wondering if this is just an honest mistake (maybe he forgot), or if he was being a dick about it. this whole situation makes me want to reevaluate who my friends really are.

why do girls say that personality matters above looks to them when looking for a partner when it's a lie no matter how many time girls say it i've seen almost no instances of bad looking guys getting with good looking girls because they have a good personality. i wouldn't even be mad about this if every girl didn't shove this lie at us.

redemptionyou think theres any redemption in suicide? lacked the courage to do the things most people did, but if i can get over the fear of death just enough to end it, maybe it would be worth it. would suck for my family and friends, but deep they would know why.

you either die spongebob or live long enough to see yourself become squidward pretty scary when you think about it yo

undissolved pristiqhello, i've been taking pristiq medication for the past two weeks and have noticed regularly that i pass the shell of the pill out in my bowel movement. i understand this is normal but upon closer inspection i have found that when i squish the shell it is still completely full of white powder. does this mean it is not being absorbed or should i not worry?

god i'm going to fucking explode inside.like punch a hole in the wall or scream my head off to let this anger go. i can't deal with this anymore. i feel like grabbing a sharp object and stabbing myself a hundred times until i can't scream anymore bc i'm going crazy in my head rn. i can't deal with this anymore. how do i fucking release my feeling to when i have no real friends or family to talk to. i'm either going to kill myself or run away from home. i've given up, i've fought too hard for too long. yea i sound crazy but it's the truth, i'm a monster my mom says, she says i should die and i agree.

those trump supporters were chanting “heave ho”!?! i mean, they were crushing an officer, he’s in pain, they tried removing his gas mask. on top of that, instead of feeling bad for him, they move together adding force chanting heave ho.. tbh, i was feeling bad for the guard but when i heard the “heave ho’s” i laughed a bit cause of how stupid they were and sounded. smh, hope that officer is alright.

is this sub dead because texas died its literally so quiet rn where is all my peeps

shops that make you create an account before they let you buy something are the fucking worst it should be my fucking decision if i want to create an account for your shit shop? why can't you be normal like the others wich let you buy shit without signing up for shit

i don't care if you're straight ban pi pi pan bi we can all agree that cheese and toothpaste is the shit

things girls like in guys okay, so i've thought about it and i think there are 5 things girls like across the board in guys. here they are: 1. confidence 2. passion 3. responsibility 4. good sense of humor 5. treats his family well in this [video](https://youtu.be/def3_-gwsz0) on my youtube i explain a little bit more about what i mean. what do you redditors think? agree or disagree? did i leave something out?

have you ever wanted to do a game!? well, i need your help im developing solo a ww2 game (fps) in unreal engine and is too much work for me i'm looking for: 3d modeler and/or animator level designer please take into consideration this i'm doing this in my free time so don't feel obligated for now i don't have money to pay you nor me but when we are done and we release it we might open a patreon or kickstarter while the game might be free (probably)it will completely depend i will open a [trello.com](https://trello.com) for a roadmap and i will open a jamboard text me through reddit! i'm always open

the only thing that makes me feel good today is the thought of dying.i'm just so done.

i don’t know what to do my girlfriend just told me she likes creamy peanut butter and not crunchy. do i dump her?

i slept through a f***** important test i slept though a fuckin important test. idk what i should do now i needed this grade to go to the next year. please help what should i do?

when i was really young a friend was showing me this “porn video”, and i’ve always been on the dumber side of things so i didn’t really know what was going on and now that i think about it, it was kind of weird. like they got married, fucked the same day, then the girl got up to pee and it said, “don’t have sex after marriage.” what.

i was too nervous to ask a girl on a date so she asked me my heart is racing and i can’t stop thinking about this and getting nervous. we get along very well and i like her too. a few days ago we had a convo about being lonely and wanting a wholesome relation with someone and what we would want in a relationship and we agree with each other. i made a comment about how i wish a girl would take the initiative, sweep me up and get in a relationship. i’ve always been too nervous to say anything to girls i liked and now this girl’s asked me on a date and i think i’m gonna explode. i’ve never done this before, but i hope things go well! wish me luck, guys! and if its you reading this, im sorry im so awkward i love you

do you like your parents? personal: yes, my parents are alright. they accept my sexuality, care for me and are great. but i think they could be listening a little better. i love my parents

anyone else got this crazy annoying feelibg in their calf i got it and thats shit be killing me

i want to cuddle with a girl. not have sex, just cuddle. i just want to be in the company of someone who loves me, accepts me, and respects me. i want to hang out with someone who accepts me and doesn't care about my flaws, and looks at the positive side of me. i want to just lie there and cuddle with a girl i'm comfortable with, and who is comfortable with me. i'm probably going to get called a simp, but hey, this is really what i want.

teacher said she wont read the book unless we sit and criss cross apple sauce hands in your lap

i'm alive for other people.but people are sick of my bullshit. when enough people stop caring, it's over. i'm fucking ending it.

prioritiesi got up today for a job interview. i came home and left an hour later for another one. now it's 2 pm. what the fuck am i supposed to do for the rest of the day? i told myself i'd lay down for a few minutes because i was cold and bored. it's now 8 pm. it's not like i'm lazy or have been sleeping.. i just have no reason to get out of bed. cooking and the bathroom, things i still haven't done today, don't take longer than an hour. why get out of bed if all i'm going to do is grind in video games for a few hours? why get out of bed if all i'm going to do is curl up in a less comfortable chair and watch movies/ tv? i want to improve my life but unless i am being forced to leave my bed (work, bathroom & stomach) i just.. don't. things i want to do? smell my blanket and hands. i don't know why but i'm addicted to these scents and nothing makes me feel better. also being warm in a cold room. and have kids. the only thing keeping me going is that one day i might not be such a shit head and i could have a family. jacking off sucks. drugs suck. video games suck. biking sucks. all these things are just me passing time. any social gatherings just have me being murdered by my anxiety. my only priority is the passing of time. i don't know what to do with my spare time :(

need help looking for a website as the title suggests, i’m trying to find a website where i can give it an image and have it spit out a ton of randomly edited versions of it.

my mom smashed my pc, should i smash her makeup kit? i'm 13 years old, my mom is very strict, she found out i was playing 18+ games and she went bonkers and smashed up the pc, should i smash her makeup kit?

i am not ready to leavehello guys, i am having a real tough go of things. i am currently home for winter break from college, and i am about to start my 8th semester at school. a lot of my friends are graduating, and i have a 5th year next where i am afraid of being alone and worrying about the real world, especially not seeing my family as much. i am extremely close to my parents and brother. i have always been a homebody, avoiding the active group of social kids who would go out on weekends and party, while i enjoyed playing video games with my brother and enjoying the security of knowing my parents were only a room away in case i needed anything. i have taken summer jobs in my hometown and lived in my house with parents as most people do during school, but i have avoided opportunities to go on trips or internships where i would have to live and spend time away from my family. moving on to the real world where i will most likely live away from parents and only see them on brief breaks and extremely short holidays is terrifying. i can't function like that. i love them too much, they mean too much to me. i get into periods where i become extremely depressed and hurt when i think about them passing away in the future. i cant enjoy the present. i am too fixated on the struggles of the future and how time is always moving on and how they are growing old just as i am. i dread the day when they are to pass away, i don't think i will want to live on this earth when they are not here. its scary, and i beat myself up constantly thinking about that. i have always had only a handful of friends with whom i am extremely close. in high school, i had three or four friends with whom i spent time out of school and felt comfortable with. of course i had other acquaintances in school, but i never felt a deep relationship with them. when i started college, only one of my "close" friends came with me to the same school. i lost contact with my other closer friends from high school and haven't seen them in years. i stuck close to my one friend from high school when we started college and i was lucky enough to meet another four of five people with whom i have established deep friendships. my good friend from high school graduated this semester, and he is sticking around this next semester to work on campus and plan his life. this is what has recently triggered my emotional breakdown and severe depression. i am feeling like all of the friends are leaving my life and are going on to the real world where they will flourish and i will shrivel. they all have other friends outside of our "core" group of five or six friends, and i feel as though this core group is all i have. with them graduating and leaving, i feel as though parts of myself are dying off and i am here left outside in the cold. knowing that my group of close friends is going to be cut in half this summer, and that it is going to be cut down again following the first semester of the next school year is just so daunting. it has taken me so long to get to this point, and now that they are moving on i feel as though i will never make deep friendships again. the quarter life crisis is real. i am scared of the future. i have three more semesters of school before i actually enter the real world, and i am already living as if i am in the middle of it. i can't imagine how devastated emotionally i will be when i actually do graduate. i lack confidence in my ability to live as a functioning adult and managing a life-work balance. if anyone has any words of advice or similar experiences, please help me. letting me know what you went through and how to you dealt with it will help me with my struggles. tl;dri am scared of all my friends leaving me for the real world when i am left at college for another year. i am haunted by the fact that the time i will be able to spend with my family shortens every day, and that i will have no more long breaks to spend with them.

i’m finally coming out! after 3 years of hiding it i’ll be coming out to my parents as transgender and i hope it goes well, but in case it goes south i’m going to have my friend on speed dial and i’ve already packed money and clothes for the worst. hoping things go well come tomorrow morning, i’ve really just gotten inspired to come out due to the bravery of others inspiring me to do the same, wish me luck.

not sure how much more i can takethis may fall on deaf ears but here i go. i have suffered from depression for over 30 years. the last few weeks have really tested me. nothing has changed, i'm just tired. physically and emotionally. i am sick of my job, i used to love it, but it brings me no joy anymore. as a matter of fact, almost nothing brings me joy. i'm in a bad mood almost all of the time. i don't know what to do. i'm a father and a husband so i won't take my life, though i get a relief when i think about doing that. i've tried xanax (i have anxiety issues) and that makes things worse. i've tried a few other drugs that turned me into a zombie. i go to work hoping that someone runs a red light and take me out. my wife is a naturally upbeat woman and supports me but cannot understand how i feel. i feel alone in that regard. i know no one that can relate to how i feel. it's like i am screaming into the wind and no one can hear me.

i'm trying to get a method squared away.i know there is a train that passes through my town every once in a while.

i feel like i have a evil prescence that lingers with me do you ever get the feeling that something in your life goes bad on purpose because of something greater pulling the strings? wether id be someone or something. something that still happens to me to this day is that, whenever i go to sleep, ill wake up, but not actually be awake physically, only mentally. (no im not talking about sleep paralysis) when im in this state, im able to hear whats going on, (like the tv being on for example) but my eyes will still be closed, and im not able to move. also when im in this state sometimes.........its very hard to explain, but it feels and sounds like im being swallowed by something, for the most part. like im being put in those things lile im about to be chopped up. (if you don't understand then sorry, thats the best i can picture it you) i used to wake up alot during in the middle of the night. usually around 2-4 am, because either id be my mom checking up on me, or 2 for no reason. but this paticualar reason has been going on ever since i was about 12. i was reading this thing today about how when you smell something burning, but theres nothing that could be indicating that something is burning than that means that theres a ghost/demon near you or watching you. which happened at the park today 6 hours ago. i was swinging on the swings with people around doind sometime of dance lesson, and i smelled something being cooked. but there was absolutly nothing in sight in the park that could be the cause for the smelli also hear things that i shouldn't be able to hear. like (and these are things that i actually happened and can recall) hearing my doorbell ring in the middle of the night( more than once a month) hearing something being moved in the other room. well to end this off, overall i think i just have bad energy

i'm so exhaustedstop fucking talking to me, stop asking questions. i don't even know any answers? i don't know why i am sad, angry, resentful, explosive, horrible, ungrateful, lethargic, a freeloader. i am not any of these. they haunt me. i used to be so fucking nice.

send me pictures of your animals. it almost 1:am and i’m bored..