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depression-detection

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guess who spewed up for 2 hours on their first date... you guessed, it was me. pretty horribly embarrassing and i felt like absolute garbage too but honestly it wasnt thattt bad. she looked after me and drove me back to her house so i could lay in her bed while she gave me head scritches. she also said she'd like me to see her weekly, after school. i'm feelings better because of this

alone and unlovedthe current depressive thought running through my head is that i am alone and unloved. my best friend and boyfriend of seven years is out of my life. i am alone in nyc with a sister who is too busy to talk to me and two roommates who i am slowly starting to get to know. i am overwhelmed by unpacking and cleaning the place since i feel bad asking the roommates to help with the cleaning. all i want to do is curl up in a ball and hide from this world. i am afraid to reach out to people because i know if i get turned down then my depression and thoughts will get even worse.

im gonna do it tomorrowive been putting it off..it's so pathetic, putting off my own suicide. i cant even bring myself to leave the house or get out of bed. i have to go out tomorrow so thats when ill do it...i wish i could just click my fingers and have it be over with and not have to put in the effort to do it...fuck that sounds so fucking pathetic..i havent eaten in two days because i literally cant move...fuck im sorry for this post but i want people to know im going to go.

povyou are sad as fuck. come here lemme give you a hug.

how do i tell my dad i need a second shaver )? for my dick i want to shave my penis because i always feel uncomfortable with the hair and pinches me every time. i already have a shaver for my face, but i want another one for what i already said and i don't know how to do it without feeling awkward when i tell him

crazy to think that every second someone post on reddit and very few people see this then boom gone just like that crazy

i worked in total like 60 hours on a small animation video and no one of my friend and family bothered to watch it. i am actually a bit sad now, i mean my sister show a stupid video form instagram and my parents are interested but when i show something i have been working on for about 2 months they are like meh. i now am *** ing angry. and sad. just disappointed. my animation is shit too btw this is it: https://youtu.be/fhuoif_etdk

help, or not.....asking for advicehi, folks, how r u feeling today? anyway.... i really need to talk to somebody about this 'should i mention my disorder to explain things to people?' bcz something i just really can't get out of the door, or bed and cry for no reason and others always just tell me to 'be tough' so i'm confused now, am i just too spoiled by myself? (although i did get to the hospital and identified as bipolar disorder and eating disorder...but still... and also, i am in college, so sometimes i have to force myself to attend the class, and just sit in a corner and trying to hold my tears advice?

need some advice!this is kind of hard to explain so sorry if it doesn't make sense. i'v been struggling with my mental heath, self harming, drinking ect. since i was 10, i'm now 21. i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression about 3 years ago and was put on medication 2 years ago. they sent me to low intensity cbt which was one on one with the doctor. then i had to wait 10 months for the high intensity cbt which they discharged me early from for having suicidle thoughts and referred me to their mental health team who rejected it. my doctor then told me to hand in a self referral form into a place for personality disorders (i dont even know what that is!) they rejected me so my doctor told me to try again but change it. they replyed this time and wanted me to hand in a form so they could get my info from the other place i was at, so i did that. they never replyed so i phoned them 3-4 weeks later and they said they would phone me back. its been another 4 weeks now and they haven't. i'v just given up. iv stoped takeing my medication. i just can't be botherd trying anymoresorry about my spelling and grammar and stuff can't be botherd correcting it. what am i supposed to do?? im in the uk if that helps

if i legally bought the mona lisa would i be able to eat it? noone could stop me. it would be mine, only laws in play would be laws of ethics and morals.

i must be the most hated person on the planetsomeone recently told me they believe that i think the world revolves around me because i "live in a fairy tale world where every single person hates you". but their words mean nothing, because it's not a fairy tale. every single person i have ever met has come to hate my guts. no one will tell me why. every day i feel the guilt of doing something wrong without knowing what, feeling the guilt of hurting someone i cared about without knowing how, if i did it consciously or was it by accident, or did i hurt them at all? did they ever care about me? was my one mistake their excuse to escape me? every single moment of my life i am second guessing what i am doing, what i have done, and what i will do. i have no faith in any relationship i have ever had with anyone, and i don't mean romantic relationships. i'm such an unlikable person that i gave up ever finding someone who cares about me years ago. i second guess every word they say, every pause in their speech, the looks they give me, the distance they stay from me, it's all calculated in my head, i can see the results immediately that they don't like me. there is nothing i am proud of, i believe that i have never had a positive impact on anyone's life. i had to run away from my family because they were terrible parents. i don't know whether or not i was abused. i've only ever told my story to one other person, and their opinion doesn't really matter because in the end it turned out all they did was lie to me and use me. i ran away and lived with my friend at the time, which their family was very glad to have me around but on the second or third night i heard them talking about how they don't want me there, and that sowed the seeds of doubt in me. months later they kicked me out. i was given no warning, no reason, and they never spoke to me again. i do not understand what i could have possibly done to deserve this. i don't drink, i don't do drugs, i don't steal, i don't vandalize things, i work night shifts but always tried to stay quiet when i came home from work, and whenever they told me they had a problem with something i was doing, i specifically and blatantly made an effort to stop doing that, to change, and they saw it and ignored it. there was once an altercation where i was talking to their younger son and i lied down on top of his bed while talking to him, he was sitting in a chair next to the bed. i was completely clothed, i didn't crawl under his blanket or anything, i simply lied down on top of the bed, and their family got very angry at me and yelled at me, and when i asked what i did wrong, they simply got even more angry with me because i didn't know what i did wrong. even if somehow i could escape these thoughts, my very basic living skills are impaired so badly i can barely survive on my own. i live in government care and they are kicking me out at the end of the month. i can't stand working enough hours to pay rent, i can't stand my minimum wage, part-time job, how the fuck could i possibly live working full-time, when every single second of work is just me being treated like shit by customers and employees who specifically have told me they give me the hard jobs because they don't like me. i have to fall back to my terrible parents who are so cocky and self-absorbed they say things like "bet you wish you didn't run away now, don't you" in which i respond telling them why i ran away and they simply don't believe it, they cannot believe that they somehow negatively impacted my life. they are so self-absorbed they legitimately believe they are perfect and there is no feasible way anything they did hurt or endangered me. i can't stand my own family. i hate them. my grandparents beg me to come live with them, but they're so fucking stupid they say "only if you change your ways", which means they want me to stop staying up at night, which means quitting my job for no fucking reason just to make them happy. i hate them anyways, ever since i was born all they ever did was complain about me and how i was never the kid they wanted, everyone always complained that i didn't play outside or talk to the other kids... maybe they would have known why i didn't do those things if maybe they took me to a doctor once in the 18 years i lived with them... just now in government care they've started to speculate i probably have autism, aspergers, or tourettes, or any combination of them. but even the government has given up on me, they've cancelled my appointments for no reason without telling me, they stopped working towards the autism assessment, they've stopped helping me find a place to live, they even told me that i should move back in with my mother. they are so useless that they took a child who ran away from their parents because they were being neglected and abused and their way to resolve that issue is to just move me back in with them. no one wants me to live. i have severe gad and depression and all my doctor has prescribed me are sleeping pills. my doctor just doesn't understand what i am saying to them, i say, i feel extremely anxious always, he says, here's three pills for you to take when you feel really anxious. i hate eating, it makes me feel sick, i cant eat anything other than cheese, bread, and meat. i have no fiber in my diet so i have hemorrhoids which prevent me from walking because the more i move my legs the more they hurt. but no one listens when i tell them that and at work they tell me i have to walk all around the building all day and they complain when i come back half way through the shift and say i have to go home because my fucking asshole is bleeding. i'm not even fat or extremely out of shape, i'm maybe 110 pounds. i don't get it. i don't understand how anyone can live. people just don't fucking get it. they say work is a part of life, you just gotta work. but these fucking assholes don't understand that at the most fundamental, basic levels, my life is shit, eating is a struggle, sleeping is a struggle, thinking is a struggle, moving is a struggle, i have no friends, my family is cancerous, the government doesn't care about me, i have no skills, and people expect me to just do shit "for me". i don't give a shit about me. i'm worthless. i'm worse than worthless, i am a drain on anyone and everyone involved with my life. i am too much of a pussy to kill myself. i hate this miserable existence why. there is no reason to go on. there is no hope. there is nothing i will ever be able to do with my life. everything in life revolves around people and people hate me and i hate them too.

a weird lifeplease, read as much as you can. i know it's a lot. but even if you can't help, my life is at least a interesting read (i've been told). i'm 27 years old, and i've had a really weird life. a basic outline of that life, is i grew up in a physically and mentally abusive household. my mother took me out of school in 4th grade, but didn't homeschool me. she did this so after a year or so, i'd get more and more awkward without much social interaction and lack of schooling, so she could say i had a learning and social disability (autism in my case) so she could collect disability off me. father was a abusive alcoholic. fathers side of the family were really caring with hearts of gold, but they weren't really 'aware' of life (more on what i mean when i say that later), and my mothers side were full of people who would manipulate and use me whenever given the chance, but were extremely intelligent and insightful. my mother would also do weird dumb crap like saying i had psychic abilities that were untapped, and a bunch of other stuff. she'd also go around breaking things, screaming, writing on walls, then blaming it on having 'multiple personalities', and she'd feign a lot of mental disorders to explain her compulsive lying. i consider myself without family, and i haven't been in contact with them in years. ​ i have a long history of the few friends i have abandoning me, but i have also had a couple childhood friendship gems who helped teach me some important key things. i couldn't keep many of those friends due to a mixture of my parents moving whenever they couldn't pay rent, and some due to my own outlashes due to growing up in such a broken household. with the help of a online friend (hereby known as jess, obviously a alias just in case), my eyes were opened to everything that was going in my household. growing up with it, i considered everything that was going on normal. when i turned 17, after some drama, i left home, and jess got me a bus ticket to the neighboring state where she lived, so i could live with her (she was a couple years older than me, and was moving out of her parents place and wanted a roommate). jess wasn't exactly your average person. she went out of her way to help me develop and understand the world. my mother had sheltered me from a lot, so i was extremely socially inept, had weird mannerisms, and had weird beliefs about the world. jess was extremely interested in psychology, and had a lot of knowledge that she could apply to me to help me grow. i did a lot of dumb things, and broke a lot of stuff on accident (the very first day we lived together, i ruined her new microwave). but she was extremely patient, would just sigh it off, and teach me better. she eventually introduced me to her family. her family was full of people who dealt with mental disorders of all kind, raging from bipolar and ocd, to autism and schizophrenia. they were extremely wise, because of everything they all had to deal with, and had hearts of gold. they took me in and more or less 'adopted' me, and i finally had a family of my own. jess and i eventually got into a relationship a year later, and a couple years after that, got married. ​ during this time, i was extremely selfish, naive, and manipulative. jess was keen and aware of it, but she tried her best to work around it. anyone with much knowledge of psychology and the human condition would be aware that it'd be impossible to come out of my upbringing without some issues to work through. my manipulative tendencies was my worst trait. couple years of me living with her and being with her, i eventually got bad enough, i was straight up emotionally abusing her. she put up with it, and tried to work around it, but it wasn't getting any better. you see, through she went out of her way to teach me the world, i was still being sheltered by her. keep in mind, i am not justifying my actions. i was in the wrong, and what i was doing wasn't right. i'm fully aware of this now. what i'm doing is simply explaining it from as much of a objective view as i can. but because she was sheltering me, my mental growth was being slightly stunted in some areas. i always just blindly followed her, and though she tried to teach me to think on my own, i never really did. i was complacent. stagnant. got so bad, i was even manipulating her family. ​ when i was 24, she left me for someone else. as you can imagine, as mentally unhealthy as i was, i completely flipped out. i threatened the life of her and her family. the last day of our appartments lease, i had my car packed with stuff for me to take. i was going to just travel and just drive. but as i got a town away, i instead turned around, started driving to her parents house, and threatened to ram the car into the house while i was on the phone with jess. keep in mind, i've never purposefully hurt someone physically before. i wouldn't have actually rammed the house. there's some factors for my behavior here, like extreme sleep depravation. but there's nothing i can say to justify my actions. she called the cops, and when i arrived, i was swiftly arrested. jess and her family didn't want to press any charges, but the state itself did. with jess and her family vouching for me, i eventually ended up in a program where my charges would be dropped entirely if i went into a mental health program and went through weekly therapy, and a bunch of other things like groups for a year and a half. throughout this time, me and jess was still in touch, but i was still manipulating her. i'd purposefully guilt her and her family, because, like a child lashing out, i wanted her to feel bad and do something to help me, like she always did. eventually, she had enough, and told me to stay out of her life. ​ now to recent years. with jess out of my life, and now that i'm on my own, truly facing the world, i've become far more wise than i used to be. i couldn't just go to her and blame her for my problems anymore and expect her to help. so i was forced to finally grow. the almost two years of straight therapy helped out quite a bit. i've also been able to better reflect on the stuff jess tried to teach me, and the stuff i've been through in my life in general. i've forced myself into new situations, went out of my own comfort zones to try new things, picked up new hobbies and interests (none of which i've stuck to, go figure), and countless other things. i've met new friends (though none have stuck around, for one reason or another), and evaluated what i want out of life, and i have my 'moral code' better defined. i'm far, far more self aware than i ever have been. i can moderate myself relatively well, and i can finally say i'm not the same needy child that i used to be. jess' father once said that what i really needed to grow was to be thrown to the wolves, and i think he was right. being forced to truly answer for myself has help me self actualize. needless to say, i'm not the same person i was 4 years ago. i still have a ways to grow, and i still have things to learn, but i'm far better than i used to be, and i'm no longer a needy child. ​ ​ my problem, and why i'm posting here, is that, i find it extremely hard to find friends now, and that's killing me. i might be single for the rest of my life. there's a multitude of reasons i say that that i don't get into here. but i'm truly okay with this fact. i can't ever have children for a unspecified reason, so i have no goals of family or anything. but i do want family-like friends again. my ultimate goal in life is to have a couple really close connections with people whom i can help out in some way. the reason this is so important to me, is because i want to share some of my experiences with someone else. i want to bounce thoughts off someone else who has a deep well of insight. i want to talk to someone about more than just the weather or what game we'll be playing next. i want someone that i can help give advice to and help out in any way i can, and it's truly appreciated, instead of just leeched. ​ my problem is that, there's a lot of people out there, who don't take the time to truly connect to someone else unless they're lovers (even then, sometimes). they either lack of empathy, lack the ability to put themselves into someone elses mindset, or simply can't be bothered to think about things beyond the surface. the few people out there who can do this, tend to be scared off because of how awkward i am sometimes. ​ i'm finally out in the world on my own, and i've found that most people can't put away their own subjectiveness for the sake of new experiences, new ideas, or new connections. i live in a world where if you're not with someone, you're against them. a world of quick judgments. and it's terrifying. and the few people out there who are open minded, self actualized, and aware of the world around them, keep themselves closed off because they usually have their own friendship networks set in stone already. i fear this will only continue to get worse as i get older. i have coworkers, and i go out to hobbiest groups, and other meetups or gatherings, despite me being a introvert. and i find most people to just be....shallow. i've had a couple close friend prospects, but none of them work out because i usually scare them away due to my awkwardness and occasional emotional breakdowns. ​ i'm quite a bit wiser to the world around me due to my experiences, and i'm more self defined than a lot of people i meet. that will sound like i have a superiority complex of some kind, but i think it's just the truth. not trying to dehumanize others, though. everyone has their own story, and everyone is unique in their own way. but there's some people who just can't wrap their head around new concepts, and are stuck in the bubble of reality they've built around themselves. there's a bunch of people who live in a kind of auto pilot most of the day. i say this due to my own experiences with meeting people and picking at their brains a bit. ​ the reason having those connections are so important to me is because i revolve my own life meaning around those around me. changing that core value would be extremely difficult, because i don't have much else to hold onto to give my life subjective meaning. after all, i can't have children, and i don't have enough willpower to force myself into a career that has any meaningful value or use to others. my happiest life, would probably me being able to closely interact with a couple friends, and help them out in any way i can, while i watch them reach the stars that i wouldn't ever be able to. i want to be important. i want to be a good, useful person to people. but if 'i' think i'm important and worthwhile, and no one else does, wouldn't that just be arrogant? so i need someone else to bounce my thoughts off of, and i need someone to help validate my existence. urg, i could keep rambling, but i'll stop this here. ​ i just feel so alone. i have literally no friends, and no family. i'm here experiencing life only on my own, and it's killing me. i try over and over again to make friends, and to hold onto the hope that i'll find some people to really connect to. but i'm running out of hope. finding real connections is extremely hard, and i don't know where to look anymore. i do sometimes wonder if i'm too unhealthy and broken to make any friends. maybe i'm still the same monster i was when me and jess broke up. or maybe this loneliness is karma biting my ass for not really being 'there' for my previous relationship, despite all she put into me. with all this, i can't help but blame myself to some degree, despite me knowing better on some level. i'm at my wits end from trying and holding out hope for new connections. being this separated from everyone is suffocating. i might kill myself soon. but the idea of me killing myself after everything i've been through and all the growth i've done is just....sad. i've dealt with suicide thoughts for most of my life, and i have methods readily available for whenever i finally get the balls for it. but i just can't fathom that being the ending to my story. for as long as i can remember, i've dealt with depression. but now that i know what i want out of life, i feel i have a chance at being content. but getting there just seems impossible. i don't know what to do anymore. why is it so damn hard to find someone who is both wise, and patient? i don't want to keep going through this life alone. i'd honestly much rather die than to just keep going through my life without any real connections at all. but...bleh. ​ i've put forth quite a bit of effort into trying to figure out what i want in life, and chasing it. i've learned a lot. i've grown a lot. i've put forth a real, solid effort, even with a therapists advice a good chunk of the way. but i can't keep pushing this boulder up this neverending mountain, and unless life throws me a bone, i think i'll be done trying soon. ​

i hate my life right now and just feel like ghosting on everyoneon my birthday, as expected, there (not so many and mostly family) are people who send me messages, post on my wall and call me sending me regards. i am so sick and tired of everything, i hate my course, have nothing to do and there is no future ahead of me. i can only sleep like 4 hours a night and it has become usual forcing vomit on a weekly basis. i hate myself and i'm gonna be alone forever. i don't like people and people don't like me. i can't live in a world where i am forced to please this stupid society in order not to be homeless and completely ostracized. the path i face only seems to get darker. i don't belong anywhere.

what if high schools reserved senior year for students to figure out what they want to be? (tl/dr at end) so here's my plan: 180 days in a school year, 3 periods a day. you can do like internships or research projects during those periods. at the beginning of the year, you choose the careers you may be intrested in and you get to rotate through them like little terms. each "term" lasts 5 weeks, or exactly 25 days, and at the end of each class, you can decide whether it is something that interests you. i feel like we get plenty of core clases in the 11 years we go to school. it is oddly unreasonable for students to just 💫figure out💫 what they are interested in. switching majors in college is more difficult and expensive. possible problems: funding these classes or finding ways for students to try them.💸 it would have to be some sort of online program or connection to the community college since these classes would each be crazy small. you would probably also have to pair up with other districts around. however, i feel like this would be super beneficial to students who dont really know what they want to do, and i would love it so so much. let me know what you think!! tl/dr: senior year would be dedicated to having students rotate through 5 week classes that help them learn what they want to do. it could be run online or connected to the community college.

i sold my soul to the devil and my life still hasn't gotten betterabout a few days ago, i sold my soul to the devil, hoping for a better life. i said i would worship the devil for the rest of my life and the devil is my lord and savior. my life still hasn't gotten better though. what should i do?

how do i get closer to my crush? i want to get closer to my crush, but we only have one class together and i get really nervous near her. any advice?

i feel so lost and disconnected from the worldi don't really know where to start... to start, i am a 24 year old male with an associated degree from a community college in my town. for a few years now i have been stuck in a shit job that i absolutely hate but at the same time depression saps any motivation for me to find a better job and anxiety keeps me from taking chances or going out of my comfort zone enough to leave home and go back to college. i feel stuck in my living situation. i live with a family of five, 3 of which are young children and i hate every aspect of it. i want to leave but i don't currently know anywhere else i could live. all of my friends are busy almost all of the time either with work or with their significant others. i've been trying to find a new girlfriend after my last bad breakup but there really aren't any single girls left close to my age within 20 miles of my small town. i end up driving around the country side most nights because being at home and just sitting in my room watching youtube feels horrible. i basically just want to not go home tonight, not go to work in the morning, and drive away. i've felt this way for months and it won't go away. i don't feel any drive to really do much anymore. i was working on building my photography portfolio and building a website but i've lost motivation for that too. i just feel like i will be stuck in this cycle of getting up for a job i hate so i can continue living in a place i hate because i can't get out of my head and figure out what the fuck i want to do with my life. some of the feelings are difficult to articulate. i am not suicidal. i don't want to end my life. i do want to do something and be someone and have a fulfilling long term relationship and i do want to enjoy things and enjoy life! i just feel so incredibly stuck and don't know how to actually change any of it. i know that was kinda a jumble of thoughts, but that's what it all feels like in my head.

my dick,face and voice do not match at all. i got the dick and voice of an african god but the face of a cabbage patch doll.

immm baccccccan’t get rid of me sqlwitch

humiliated in ballet class i was lay down doing some stretches in my ballet class, when a girl approached me and got hold of my legs. she spread them apart and proceeded to stomp on my testicles. the other girls in my class heard me groaning and gathered round to watch. so now there was an audience watching her crush my nuts :/

sabotaging myself?any time i feel myself getting happy, i, without even thinking about it, start doing things that cause me to lose that happiness. most of the time i just feel numb or anxious. happiness is such a weird emotion for me i feel like i sabotage myself whenever i start to feel it. anyone else feel this way?

extremely depressed, feel like i'm stuck [20/m]ok, to start things off, all that i really do is play video games, it's all i've really done my whole life and i've never really felt like i've had any real friends. i have started going to the gym just to find something else to do. i just feel like i'm not even capable of doing anything but video games, i wake up in the morning and i don't know what else i can do. i go to school but i don't really find friends there either, i don't think i'm even anti-social i just think i have zero confidence. i've never had a girlfriend or anything close. i'm just a really lonely/depressed person and i don't know what i can do to add some spark in my life, possibly a girlfriend, a group of friends, just something in my life.

i have chosen 1 person to recive $10,000 click here to see if u won (click here)[click here](u/me)

i wish i could make it look like an accident.sorry for the broken english, i'm brazilian. ​ i'm deep in credit card debt, can't get a job, don't have a family, i have been digging this hole for a long time. i live in a small town, i dont want to be news. i just want to die peacefully, that' all. i wish i got a job so i wouldnt have to do it, but its been months now... i just needded to get this off my chest. thank you

why are there no high speed bullet train suicides?they might happen but i rarely hear about them... it seems like the perfect method to die too. just stand in front of a train going like 300 mph.

no money, but need help. what to do?hello everyone! i wanted this to be a throwaway account a while ago, but just stuck with it to browse and comment on r/depression and r/sw. ive posted here before, as well as sw, and i felt like ive been being redundant. i post about how shitty i feel all the time, read a few heart-filled comments, feel a bit better, then go on with my day until i feel shitty another day. i am almost completely broke. i can afford food, but have to walk around places to see if i can steal wifi. i've seen a counselor back when i was making money, and it was alright, but now i don't have money and cant see anyone. so, i tried a free school counselor, which sorta made things worse. it was an awful experience. basically, the guy who i saw told me the way i feel is just apart of life and that i need to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get over it. i attempted suicide that day, but fortunately failed. there is a problem that i need help with badly. the thing is that i dont really have friends or a family who cares about this kinda stuff, so i've been "self-medicating" in many ways, including sh and reading /r/depression and sw. i want to know is there a way to get help and feel better without killing myself? i feel like i actively think about suicide and am depressed pretty much whenever i am awake (which is almost all the time). why should i have to stay alive when all i do is feel misery, guilt, and constantly want to die? sorry for the wall of txt. edit: i'm finished running around asking questions. some people are just born completely fucked. if i'm going to feel this way for the rest of my life, then i quit. peace world.

i thought this community was supposed to be a support systemi was urged to come on here by a friend. everyone talks about how supportive it is, but someone talks about committing suicide and most of the comments are “how are you gonna do it?” and “good luck, hope it’s not painful” etc. i thought this was supposed to help, not enable. people come on here when they’re vulnerable and they become encouraged to take their lives, not seek help, not given coping methods. frankly, i’m more suicidal leaving this page than i was coming here after realizing the ridiculous amount of enabling that exists even in communities created for the opposite purpose.

i lost 15lbs and the only one who realized how hard i was trying was my 1 friend i was always the fat chubby kid and my mom very well knew i felt that way. we always had soda and fast food and i even asked her if we could start eating healthier but she said she said she didn’t have the time. i’ve become incredibly self conscious over the years and wore large baggy clothing 24/7. i mean i love a good pear of hoodies and sweats, but then that’s all my closet was. i never felt beautiful or cute, i never felt like anyone could like me or even be friends with me because i was too fat. ive moved around a lot and finally at my new school i started and again, i was the fat kid. 2/3rd year i decided i didn’t want to be the thick fat chubby girl who couldn’t even change in the locker room without changing in the bathrooms or shower, so i started doing smth abt it. i kept doing workouts, running, biking, and just ate a lot less. i told my close friend the way i felt and how i wanted to change it. i asked workouts she did from her and would call her after i biked- i found out a week ago i lost 15lbs finally. my mom gasped, looked at me (not in a good way) and said i didn’t notice. like it was so unbelievable. point id i told my friend and she said; i could tell you were working out and trying a lot so congrats. it’s like someone finally recognized me. not my chubby or my fat but me who had been trying to be healthier. any who hearing that made me happy. tldr; i lost 15bs after being the “fat kid” my mon said she didnt notice and my friend said she noticed how hard i was working for it. (just happy and proud of myself tbh)

reasons my life is sort of fucked atmover six months i found out what true love is for the first time, but it didn’t last for as long as i wanted it to thanks to my ex's commitment issues. i watched as she kissed another man in a drug induced stupor after our break up, knowing that she would only do the same and more when i’m not around. now i have to pretend like every time i talk to her my insides *don’t* feel like saran wrap in a brick oven just so we can stay friends. i have to balance this between my firm belief that there is no shame in girls wanting to fuck as much as guys do and the gut feeling of pain and hatred that i get when i actually see it happen, which doesn’t help with the whole liking myself thing. as a result i cycle between confidence and crippling self-hatred, trying too hard to emulate the self-satisfied nature of the guys that my ex girlfriend prefers to fuck in the hopes that i can find a girl to fill the hole that she left, then hating myself when i inevitably fail to do so. now that i’ve started to actually socialize i’ve completely 180’d on the innate independence that i had when i was younger and more of a loner so that now my self-worth is entirely dependent on the opinions of others and how well i get along with them. i sit in envy of those who don’t really need to work to be accepted by others, knowing full well that my low self esteem is exactly what can put people off. i am now stuck in a social paradox, where i can either sit quietly and let myself go unnoticed, or try to talk to others and seem too eager. through a mixture of procrastination and pure laziness i have crippled my education to a state of mediocrity, stunting my advance to the next phase of my young adulthood. each and every one of my passions has slowly faded away from me so that now i’m floating through life hoping that i land somewhere not all together terrible. my mother has gone through a hurricane of a divorce, my step father having walked out on a ten year marriage under the guise of trying to retain custody of his kids from his evil harpy cunt of an ex wife. on a cold night soon afterwards mom admitted to trying to kill herself using her own muscle relaxers, sobbing into my shoulder on the front lawn. the funny thing about depression though is that feelings besides self loathing and sadness don’t come easily, so for a while i felt literally nothing about what she told me, which made me feel like heartless monster (later the full impact of what was said to me managed to squirt itself through the plaqued arteries that were my emotions, but it took way too long for it to be normal). ugh goddamn it

posting a picture/gif of something getting crushed each day until my cousin asks his crush out (day 40) [crushed stressball?](https://discord.com/channels/703753744529227778/703754246620708924/744652477416210502)

i won’t finish fucking schoolfuck

why do you bully poor people like they can do anything ti get rich? i'm (15m) live with my mother, who works as a musician. makes minimal wage(yes in my country musicians with two degrees make minimum wage). i have a classmate(15m) who used to bully me for... being poor? he also lives with his mom, but his mother is unemployed, and his dad(who is divorced from his mother) pays for all their expenses with his more than 6 figure job. he has all the iphones ever released with all the existing apple accessories, has shoes that cost as much as my (more or less) gamer pc, you get the point. the worst part is he thinks he is better than everyone, he once said he could learn to play a piano like i do(i've been playing it for 7 years, he played tha cello for 2 years and was dogshit) in just a month. he is as big of an asshole as the asshole-o-meter can measure, and beyond. he made fun of me becouse once we were so poor we couldnt afford food, and my grandma had to suppirt us, as my father wouldn't). the worst part is he used to be my "best friend" for like a year and a half, and i dont even know why he started to hate me all of a sudden, one day we left as best pals, other day he blocked me on every account(i have still never gotten an explanation, i was as loyal as a friend could be, still am with my current bois) he had and started preading lies, and gave away all my secrets. now i'm all good, have a new set of friends i've been with for like 3-4 years, and i havent been happier but that 2 weeks where i was just lost left a scar i will carry forever. carma bit him in the ass tho, he performs like horseshit, mostly at foreigh languages, where i still helped him a little, and i dont even know why(by that time, i wasn't angry with him anymore, it was like 2 years after he decided to turn his back on me, and now he is relatively normal, but i will never trust him anymore)

i just shit commented for awhile your welcome 😎

how long until this isnt "just a phase" anymore?i'm tired of keeping my depression a secret from everyone. i can't keep pretending everything is fine when every day is a struggle for me. i was diagnosed with depression when i was 11 and my parents brushed it off as being a "phase". i'm 17 now and my parents still think i'm being over dramatic. i have been told over and over that i just need to think happy thoughts and everything will be fine. i have self harmed for years and attempted suicide twice, but to them i'm just looking for attention. my parents have never even tried to help me. all i've ever gotten from them is a rant about how much money i was costing them with these emergency room visits every time i cut too deep or fail to kill myself. it's almost like they are mad that i didn't succeed at taking my own life. sorry. i just needed to vent. sometimes it seems like strangers on reddit give more of a shit about helping than anyone else in my life.

i know the format is dead but why use detroit become human's blend in with the humans when you could use vampyr's learn to live amongst the mortals

i did it boys, i fucking did it i just had the best gaming session of my life, it was so fucking wholesome i'm gonna die, i'm gonna fucking die omg it was so cute all i wanna say is awwwwwww i'll let you figure out what happened.

somebody distract me anyone with discord wanna chat? i’m somewhere with my mom in a car and i have to pee so bad. it’s gonna be like an hour till a bathroom tho and idk if i can hold it. also pray for me

is this depression?i cried for half the day yesterday, in bed, at my desk, i locked myself in the bathroom and cried straight for an hour, at dinner and going to sleep. i don't know what's wrong, i told my parents some bullshit excuse that it's school but i honestly don't know why. there's a girl that i like that said i can talk to her but i feel that she's getting fed up with me. i don't want to say it's a mental thing in case people think i'm overreactingi've lost all motivation for everything, cycling, saxophone, video games. sometimes i want to attempt suicide but have me fail so people will see what's wrong. this has been going on for weeks, is this depression? what do i do?

i won't tell anyone irl, so ig ill tell you these things. so yeah. i have like 2 things that i haven't really told anyone irl about, though they are kinda big. • religion yeah... so i kinda recently joined a religion, and nobody knows irl. it's just kinda, uh, ig controversial. i mean, i was raised by an atheist father and a christian mother. my mom isn't really religious at all though, and wanted me to find my own one, not being forced into one religion. i did that, i just haven't told her, or anyone else. >!the religion is the satanic temple (tst). i'm not in it to be edgy, or even for the style. i just like their ideals, and the way they think.!< • relationship this one is kinda different because my sister knows about it. i told her she can't tell anyone, and i'm pretty confident she'll stay true to me. anyways, i got my first girlfriend not too long ago. this one is kinda tricky to tell anyone irl about because it's long distance. i already debated before i asked her out whether or not i should do it because of the distance, and decided to do it. for a little context, she gained a crush on me, and decided to talk with me. after talking for a while, she started liking me even more. she confessed she liked me, and i started liking her. it took me a day (it happened really fast ik) for me to "ask her out". we've been dating for a week now. my sister only found out because she started using discord, where she joined a server with us two, and we decided not to hide it. they got along, which is good. anyways, yeah. i have been just hiding these things from my family and irl friends just because it would be uncomfortable to tell anyone.

oh geez i was talking to someone and i felt like she was pulling away yk so i just decided to ignore her now she sent me a fb message. just saw a preview and it says so i guess you hate talking to me. ooooof. i feel like a piece of shit but also she brought it on herself imo

it's hard to smilei've been feeling down lately, i'm feeling stuck with nowhere to go. i'm living at home after graduating from a big 10 school 2 years ago with a master's degree and i can't find a stay, reliable job. since i can't find a good long term job, i can't pay on my student loans as i would like to do. not to mention, i can't really afford a social life. most if my friends live a few hours away so if i'm lucky i can text them every now and then and i'll get a response. i just found out my ex that i was head over feels over and was talking about long term life with before we split is engaged and it took the wind completely out of my sails. things actually seemed darker, colors less vibrant, and i can't stop thinking that life had turned into more if a chore than joy. i don't feel suicidal so much as unable to smile and not feel like i'm lying to myself and everyone else.

i’ve always self harmed and never told anyonesince i was 14 i’ve self harmed. its just compounded since, now my forearms and shoulder are marked thoroughly. i never heard of any other men doing this... but it probably doesn’t matter. but it feels solitary. *i* feel incorrect. i’ve just always felt so alone in this activity... i could never explain it to anyone, ever. a girl saw cuts on my wrist in english class by accident in high school but i feel like she’s forgotten. she got me to talk to a counselor but i just didn’t know how to talk about it, stopped for a while and it just started right back up again eventually. i haven’t spoken to her in a long time. i just don’t know how i could talk to anyone now... i couldn’t look anyone in the eye and explain to them what i’ve done to myself or why. why there’s so many scars. no one understands and i could never in a million years make them. i think about ending it sometimes when i do it and it scares me bc i’m not sure i’m ready, but i swear it would feel like the most natural thing in the world. but i don’t know if i’m ready yet. i swear i mean that and,

wanna race? second place is the winner

i’m super duper alone so basically i haven’t hugged a girl in over a year. and now on fucking valentine i got no one. after i broke up with my gf i haven’t even had a crush. like i can’t find new people to connect with. i don’t even know what i’m typing. sorry for bad england me no native speak.

help me find someone i met in among us! i was just playing among us with some guy i randomly joined. his name was catboy, and we were playing on polus in an na server. we were both using the halloween animal ears and the black suit. his color was black. if anyone here is still playing with him, or was for a bit, please help me find him again! btw, my name was werewolf, and i had to switch to brown, as i am auto-set to black.

minecraft base ideas i'm playing on a realm with my friends and the time is coming when people start constructing their actual large scale bases and honestly i don't know what to do. i really want to do an ocean base and my first thought was to build a large navy boat but after multiple creative attempts i learned that i can't build a boat to save my life. i can't think of anything else and i may just be freakishly uncreative but i'm looking for some help. if you have any suggestions whatsoever they would be greatly appreciated. welp thanks ily reddit imma head to bed now gn.

how can people eat precious animals like deers like wtf i am just hoodwinked tbh

always wanted thisi'm 19. when i look at my life i never really wanted to live, i was always looking at the next step and then hoping maybe then i would be happy, but in the back of my head knowing i wouldn't. i never wanted to kill myself, but i wanted to die so that someone else could be happy. deep down that's all i want. whether it's for a cause i believe in, or that someone else doesn't have to die. i'm not sure why i feel that way. a strong childhood memory is my asking my dad when i was 5 if i could die so that someone else could be born. in middle school i tried to kill myself, i only had a few friends and was pretty socially awkward, i took a handful of vicodin. i survived and failed all in one. so fast forward to high school, i'm surrounded by friends, passed through a lot of girlfriends, not socially awkward, still not happy. well for one winter always makes my depression worse. so in january i couldn't take feeling worthless, so i took my dad's .380 pistol, manually chambered a round. sat for at least 2-3 hours with that gun trying to get the courage to pull the trigger, finally did, nothing. the round was jammed. it wasn't when i put it in and cycled it forward, but when i actually pulled the trigger it was jammed. i know most of reddit isn't christian, but i took this as a sign from god that i'm supposed to do something with my life. i'm still not happy. i want to die right now more than anything, but not without helping someone else be happy and live. i'm not talking material things, those mean nothing to me, i'm talking about a life, happiness. i tried to drink away the pain for a little while. well one night after drinking i got into a fight, a "friend" was getting beat up, i stood up for him, and ended up being arrested for assault and battery, and i was eventually charged with a disorderly conduct misdemeanor, and i'm on probation. i figured a good way to achieve my goal would be to go into being a paramedic. i started emt-b, am done with it next week, clinical's and ride alongs have been my favorite things in the world. i was charged with this 6 months after the fact, and halfway through my semester of emt-b. i am fairly certain i can't get licensed and employed as an emt or paramedic with that on my record, i'm not smart enough for it anyways. i can't achieve my dream, i'm broken and alone. my best friend has seen me through all of this, i've hid all that i could from him, but he was still there. but we have become distant here lately. i'm broken and alone, broken and alone. my phone is a paperweight, it just sits there silently. i've been trhough depression and panic attacks, alone, but i can't do it anymore, i just wanna die, and for a reason.

i screwed up accidentally almost burnt my house down... again by forgetting to put water in my mac and cheese before cooking. now my whole house smells like it caught fire. never try to cook food while on 1 brain cell, you may even go further and burn your house. i didn't realize my mistake until i saw smoke coming out the microwave then i opened it to find a fire. i immediately told my mom and got my mask on, took the burning mac and cheese out and put it in the sink and left the water running to cool it off. fucked up bad enough gay people think straighter than me.

i had one of those farts where it feels wet i sure hope i didn't shit myself, i'll update you if it did aiufhsdiofydsoifsydfoisdfosdhfdhoifshifsd

schizo/psychotic 16yo herei hate living like this when can i die???

my mom won’t let me get the vaccine hello! i’m 15 and my family is very at risk for covid to a point i can’t go to school because of the risk. the vaccine recently came out but my mom refuses to allow me to get it, saying i’ll just be a guinea pig for testing. i really want to get it so i can go back to school, and she’s slapped me any time i try to convince or ask her if i can get it. any suggestions?

what complements can you give a guy? my boyfriend always comes up with different complements and nicknames for me and i can't think of anything. i would like to know somethings guys would like to be called, or have said to them.

when someone gives you an awardee karma, you get a notification, right? does anyone else get surprised when you think it's a ban notification? it's bad for my heart.

bra strap problem whenever i go out in the streets i face people who continuously stare at my bra straps. it's okay to show bra straps in public. it's not bad. how to solve this problem?

give me on reason someone would care if an ugly introverted person killed themselves give me on reason someone would care if an ugly introverted person killed themselves

need someone to chat withjust in a mood, wanting someone to chat with

experiences on wellbutrin sr?hello. i am here looking for your stories and experiences with wellbutrin sr. i had just recently seen a therapist for the first time in my life and our interaction went well. i don't really have demons to exude when it comes to depression however i seem to have the phantom form of it. it has manifested on its own from neglecting my own personal growth and such over the years. i am certainly lost and numb and had mentioned that i would like a tool to help me find my way. he prescribed me wellbutrin sr and i will begin taking it tomorrow morning. my post is an inquiry on your own personal experience with this specific type of antidepressant. i'll be around all day so feel free to share and/or bullshit for a while about your depression.

kind of losing meaning and feeling like i'm going down a slippery slope. please help.as the days go by, i'm kind of losing sight of the future. i used to have all these reasons for wanting to keep going, but they're kind of gone now. at this point i'm just thinking about the point of going besides keeping my family and friends from being upset. i used to want to be a lawyer, now i'm just trudging along through law school and i honestly couldn't care less about the outcome. i can't seem to find any companionship either. i thought maybe if i find someone i love, i'll have a reason to keep going, but i suck at that too. i get told that i'm handsome, but i constantly get rejected. 0 for 20 now, maybe it's because it's obvious to people about how fucked up i feel. i used to just get lost in video games, but now i just stare past the screen and can't find a reason to have my only hobby left. i know it sounds stupid, but it just felt like the only thing i had to look forward to in the day. it was my last hobby. can someone please help me try to find some way to find a purpose again? i doubt i'll stop being depressed, but i feel like if i don't find a reason to keep going again then i just won't be able to. thanks guys, and if anyone is struggling out there please pm me. i'd love to be able to try and help someone out.

i need help.so much has gone on in my life but this last week has proven that it does get worse. i don't know what to do anymore. it sucks having no one to talk to.

can someone please inform me on what the fuck is happening in america because i have a friend in pennsylvania that i'm worried about because of all the shit going on the nuclear treaty between america and russia expires in february, i'm confused as to what that means

need reasons to not kill myself.i planned on killing myself yesterday but didn’t go through with it. i’m going to try again today. i won’t lie and say i don’t want to get help but my family simply can’t afford it. we already owe ten grand from the last time i was hospitalized. i don’t want to make it twenty. i’m in so much pain from cutting my thighs up and i just don’t have the energy to keep living. i tried talking to my therapist but he basically just told me to go for a walk. so maybe this will help me. i dont know if it’ll stop me altogether but maybe it’ll help me last another day. sorry for posting two days in a row. i have no one to turn to.

i just realized how much of a hipster my dad is. he has his friends over and their fr doing the mist hipster thing aka drinking craft beers and listening to vinyls. and to be honest it’s great fun fir me too so i guess i’m turning into a hipster too.

outside of work i have no real contact with people. i miss having friends, i hate this cycle of meaningless bullshit and busy work. i hate the thoughts that encompass my mind.man all i've been wanting to do is just see my old friends get high and have a good day. i miss fucking life. i miss having a reason to wake up. i miss having a purpose and some general idea of what to expect. i hate the life i live now. i've been sober for 8 months because i got arrested after some bullshit months ago, just went to trial and took a plea deal. have to finish rehab then i'm good to do whatever. i don't have any friends around anymore, most of them are off at college now. i have no real prospects or anything anymore. i work a deadend job as a cashier at some store, i clock around 40 hours a week. i'm great at my job but fuck dude does some days shit feels pointless. i miss having friends and a person to talk to and love. miss having shit to do and things to look forward to. but fuck it i guess, no point in continuing to wish shit was different.

when i told my family i'm part of incels they stopped talking to me.they were never there for me when i was a child so i don't see what's wrong with joining a group who has shown me love and compassion. they have no right to get mad at me for seeking comfort and solace with people like myself.

dose any one else feel tired all the time?it never seems to matter how many hours i sleep (or don't sleep) i still feel tired. i feel like a haze is over me all the time. i feel like i am never fully awake. even after i have really good sleep give two hours and i am totally worn out.

my dilemmai’m depressed but don’t want to kill myself so i always distract myself by playing video games and doing things that can keep me occupied but there are responsibilities i have and things i must do otherwise my life gets harder, but depression makes it too difficult to me to live like a normal person so i can’t even accomplish a thing. i’m tired of being this miserable, i can’t keep distracting myself, i need to take action but i have no strength to fight back. i’m always blaming myself for not being able to study like normal people, people around me make me feel guilty too, like if i’m slacking off..

this whole "work" thing is really a depressing concept to me. i don't want to dedicate 1/3 of my life to something i don't want to do, but i have no other choice (besides homelessness).i don't understand how everyone who works isn't depressed. the idea of working seems really depressing to me and there doesn't seem to be any other choice than to not work and become homeless (which is also depressing). i'm not sure if i'm depressed or not. if i just stay at home and do things to escape reality (such as watching tv, listening to music, or playing video games) i feel content with life. i am even fortunate enough to get joy from doing simple things in life (such as going biking on a warm day or sitting in the sun). however, whenever i start looking through job descriptions (and see how unqualified i seem to be for every position) and see how successful other people i used to know really well are now, i feel completely useless. the problem is not that i feel useless, however. the problem is i'm okay with being useless. i don't really have a problem with just sitting around and doing nothing. nothing really seems to motivate me that much. i don't want to spend my time working because the idea of work doesn't interest me. people may call me lazy or a leech but i don't really care. the truth is i'd rather not spend my time working. now let's say that i was highly motivated to work. the system seems to be completely broke. with how expensive house pricing is one needs to make nearly double minimum wage just to have a place to live and food to eat. most of these jobs that pay enough to live receive hundreds of applications. of the hundreds of applications maybe 10 get an interview and of the 10 usually only 1 person gets the job. that means that getting a job is almost like winning a small lottery. except for this lottery your reward is to give your employee 1/3 of your life just to be able to have a place to live and food to eat. not only that but working is usually very stressful and you have less time to actually do things you enjoy in life. another thing is that it seems that when people have these stressful jobs there is at least pleasant things in their life that balance it out. most people have a significant other or at the very least a social life. not me. i've been basically completely socially isolated and never get an opportunity to do the things that "normal" people in their 20s do. this isolation doesn't really seem to bother me that much, until the idea of work is thrown into it. without a social life, it is impossible to network with people, get references, and when you are isolated for too long you can lack the social skills to be successful at an interview. i've actually attempted to work before because society won't allow me to live like this for ever. just receiving a phone call from an employee mentioning that they selected me for an interview gives me anxiety. a few days before an interview i can feel my heart racing quickly and anxiety basically every moment. it is hard for me to even attend an interview, let alone answer every question just the way they want. the amount of anxiety i receive from just attending an interview makes me really question how i would even hold down a job. i know that most people are nervous before attending an interview but i doubt they are anywhere near as nervous as me. tldr: the idea of working seems really depressing to me and i don't want to do it even though the only other alternative is homelessness (which i also don't want). even if i was highly motivated to work i seem to be incapable of getting a job and have my doubts that i would be able to hold a job down. i don't see any meaning in my life other than just sitting around and escaping from reality (tv, video games, internet). if i don't want to work and i don't want to be homeless what should i do? i can't keep living this way forever.

i am deformed and i can't take it much longerhi everyone, i have been feeling particularly awful for the last few weeks, as i started paying attention to my body again. a friend of mine randomly told me i had a big forehead in the middle of a conversation with friends, just when i had completely forgot about it. after he had said that, i'm constantly reminded of it and it had hurt me so bad that now i just keep staring at people and compare my forehead to theirs. i am not gonna lie, i don't know what happened when i was being made, but i have the worst genes ever when it comes to my hairline but also to my frontal bone. i have both a receding hairline and frontal bossing, so i look like an alien and i don't know anyone who has the same forehead as i do. i'm always confronted by it because my forehead lights up in a particular way when a photo is taken or a light shines on it. it looks particularly bad from the side and because of this i can never have short hair, i always need to be able to hide my forehead. it sucks massively and in the past people have commented on it and it really hurt my self esteem. whenever i see myself on a video, i just look like i'm stupid... like a cartoon character, that's how much i hate it. too bad for me, cause that is not the only thing, i have also got a massive receding chin, which is probably due to mouthbreathing and a possible combination of bad genes as well. it looks like a long backwards slope, like a 45° angle. this probably worries me more than my forehead, because it fucks up both my side profile and my front profile. i also believe a receding chin looks worse in general and is the biggest turn-off for people. too bad i have both these features. i don't even think i would really call myself ugly per se, my front profile that is, but my side profile looks like absolute shit. anything that could go wrong, went wrong. it's not a situation of not being able to have the best of both worlds, it's more like having the worst of both. i don't really like to say it, but i think my mother is really beautiful, she's got a perfect hairline and forehead and she doesn't have a weak chin like i do. she looks really pretty in general. my father looks normal and he's got a very solid chin and a sloping forehead. this only makes me wonder more how i ended up being this deformed. now, i don't think i need to explain to you why this bothers me so much, but i will. my deformity constantly reminds me i'm different from the average person, that i can never have a short haircut for example, and that people will never take me that seriously without a proper chin. i look like a medical experiment gone wrong and i need to end it. the only thing that can save me from my inevitable suicide is either surgery, which i don't know if that's possible in my situation and whether i can pay that, or if something makes me so happy that i want to keep being alive to be there for it, like listening to a lot of music, playing guitar and watching films and sports... it helped me through really bad times. sometimes in school, i wonder why i still do my best, because i am so suicidal and i feel like i might kill myself the next week, so doing things for school would then be useless. i feel the safest and most comfortable when lying in bed, while the lights are out, nobody can see me and i can't see myself. most importantly, i don't want to hurt my family and loved ones. last year i lost both my grandfathers and the year before that i lost my aunt, so the last two years have seen enough tragedy. i think my death would really fuck up my mother in particular, who has been under a lot of stress lately, because she might lose her job and she also has to taks care of my grandmother who can't take care of her own anymore and is also very lonely now that my grandfather has gone. the 3 deaths i mentioned hit me hard, but they are not the reasons i feel depressed, though. for your information, i'm 18 years old and i still live with my parents. i need to tell them how i serious i am about it, but i don't know what they will do if i mention i am suicidal. i have looked up the costs of having chin surgery, which involves moving the bone forwards instead of having an implant (something i absolutely don't want) and it's about 2200€ something. it's expensive, but the sheer impact it would have for me would be worth it 10x the amount. i should probably wait until i'm older before i get surgery, because my body might still be growing. i wonder though, how i will manage to wait that long. i know a lot of people will say plastic surgery is wrong and you shouldn't do it, but i believe my case is different, because i look abnormal. i could pass with just a receding hairline, but my entire sideprofile is fucked and just looks bizarre. i have struggled with this for so long and all i want is to just be normal and not having to worry about hiding my forehead. if people want to see how it looks, i can send a censored version (i don't like having my face on the internet. just send me a pm and i will try to get back at you asap. i don't really know what to achieve by posting this, but maybe you guys can give me advice. i have also got other things going on, like mental problems (severe ocd), but i felt like it would be too much to put it all in one post.

possibly depressedi was depressed for a couple years, over time my emotions faded though. i was left feeling nothing and honestly i welcomed it after being depressed. but recently i have started to think that i might be going crazy, im not sure. i sometimes hear things and im not sure if they are there or not. i also get fairly paranoid about nothing in particular its just like being very on edge. my thought patterns seems to always consist of a conversation with myself. the biggest thing though is that recently i think i see things moving in the sides of my vision, there's never anything there but its unsettling. the biggest problem is that half of me wants to get help, but the other half of me wants to stay emotionless. it almost seems like theres two completely different personalitys in me. i do know atleast what i think are the causes are, when you have no emotions its kind of hard to tell if those things ever actually bothered me. i assumed it was some form of depression. im going to tell you a bit of my "reasons" for being depressed, stop here if you dont want to read this. pretty much all my life i have been bullied at school, i was slightly overweight when i was younger, and then i was too skinny. both of which resulted in being bullied. anyway that wouldnt have mattered all that much but i couldn't make very many friends, and when i did make a friend it would last 1-2 years tops. after that they would either move away or stop talking to me completely, leaving me to feel like complete shit quite often. because i really did like people, they just didnt like me. when i got into highschool it got better, i had quite a few friends and my life was getting better. at that point it didnt really help though because by then i was already bulimic, extremely depressed and hated myself. during the last couple years of highschool(im in senior year right now) my emotions started to fade, and at the time i welcomed it. one of the last things is that, my parents are nice enough people. they just dont love any of there kids whatsoever. i got beat up a school a few times and i would either get called a wimp or my mom would hold me up by collar of my shirt and tell me to fight back. they were there physically but after about grade 7 i realized that they were constantly lying to me in conversations. i had never noticed before because i was too young and when they would change things i just assumed they were right. my siblings are ok but my brother beat me up regularly when i was young, so i grew up to hate him. i like my sister but shes quite a bit older than me and she moved out as soon as she could. which was when she was 16. anyway these may be shitty reasons to be depressed, i may just be complaining about nothing. all i know is that i spent allot of years hating everything about myself, and allot of days contemplating suicide. all i wanted was to be loved by one person, but at the same time i saw myself unlovable. but now im fine, im not good or bad. which may sound terrible, but 95% of what i felt was sadness, regret, or hate. the one thing i have is a friend who i have known for a few years, we dont talk much but i can tell him anything. he was the only person i told when i was depressed. and the only person i told when i became emotionless. i apologize if this was boring, and i know i probably have stupid reasons for being depressed. but i just wanted to get it off my chest.

i gave in againself harm free for 0 days now. perfect.

i think of suicide a lot. i don't want to kill myself, but i can't stop thinking about it.i think i'm depressed. i think i've been depressed for at least the last 15 years (i'm late 20s now). i've never been diagnosed or tried to be diagnosed. i haven't told friends or seen doctors about it. at least once a week i think of suicide. some days, like today, are much worse. i've been thinking of killing myself for the entire day. i can't get it off my mind. i don't want to die, and i don't want to think of dying, but i can't stop imagining it. it's one of the many reasons i don't want to see a doctor. i'm afraid they will confirm i am depressed, which will force me to confront these thoughts instead of pushing them out of my mind as best i can. sometimes when i'm driving i imagine letting my car roll off a cliff or a bridge. i took the train to san francisco a few weeks ago and thought of jumping onto the tracks every time a train approached the platform. i visited an 8-story city building recently and walked to the rail just to see how far down it is. i don't want to die. i've almost died a few ties before (not by hurting myself), and each time i did everything i could to survive. but i frequently feel like there is this shadow inside me that is constantly pushing me to kill myself. i don't have the choice to not listen to its encouragement, and sometimes i humor it like when i walk to the edge of the 8th floor of a building, but i keep thinking i don't want to do this. it used to be an annoying little whisper of "what if..." in my mind. but ever since robin williams killed himself, that whisper has grown to yelling and pleading of "do it." the story of his suicide resonated with me, and i keep thinking "that's you in 30 years." i don't want to kill myself, but i'm afraid one day something will push me over the edge and i will just give up. i don't have a suicide plan, which seems like a good thing. but i'm afraid if something pushes me over the edge, not having a plan to adhere to will cause me to just say "fuck it, this method is available right this second" and i'll jump off a building or in front of a train or pick up a gun or whatever. not having a plan makes me afraid i'll be more willing to do something in the heat of the moment, whereas if i had a plan i could say "now isn't the right time" and then later when it is the right time i might come to my senses. it's like the shadow inside me is just waiting for the right moment to push me--the moment when i won't be able to catch myself. so then every now and then i think maybe i should make a suicide plan in order to prevent that. but i definitely don't want to do that because then i know i'll constantly be thinking about the plan, and when the time is right for the plan, maybe i definitely will do it. maybe that shadow inside me is trying to trick me into making a plan. now i seem schizophrenic or something. i'm not. i don't hear voices. there isn't actually an evil entity living inside me. i'm just talking in metaphors because i don't know how the fuck to describe this. i just want to stop thinking about killing myself.

getting worse...?my fiance and i split 42 days ago and ever since then i have been hurting. bad. everyone can see it. my life is basically nonexistent and i haven't smiled let alone felt anything but emotional pain. i've tried holding it in, i've tried talking it out. nothing has really worked. last week while i was stuck in traffic really late night i kinda had an explosion of emotion in the car just basically yelling, and i started to hit my self on the thighs and chest, hard. the hitting has kinda stayed over the last several days and i am pretty heavily bruised where i hit myself but i honestly don't feel anything. i've never hit myself before or done anything like that or more extreme in the past so this is all very new to me and honestly i'm a little worried. help?

been a minute since i've used reddit been pretty damn lonely lately not gonna lie. dosen't help that all my friends are in relationships. honestly suprised it took me this long to really start feeling. well i was into this one girl for a while and she sorta started dating someone bleh. had to fight the inner incel in me when that happened. don't feel like talking to any of my friends rn so i came to where all the other social rejects go to. so hi random person reading this, i'm lonely and sad about it :)

posting until i get my first kiss (day 262) we're no strangers to love you know the rules and so do i a full commitment's what i'm thinking of you wouldn't get this from any other guy i just wanna tell you how i'm feeling gotta make you understand never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you never gonna make you cry never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie and hurt you we've known each other for so long your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it inside we both know what's been going on we know the game and we're gonna play it and if you ask me how i'm feeling don't tell me you're too blind to see never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you never gonna make you cry never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie and hurt you never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you never gonna make you cry never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie and hurt you never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up) (ooh) never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up) we've known each other for so long your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it inside we both know what's been going on we know the game and we're gonna play it i just wanna tell you how i'm feeling gotta make you understand never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you never gonna make you cry never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie and hurt you never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you never gonna make you cry never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie and hurt you never gonna give you up never gonna let you down never gonna run around and desert you never gonna make you cry

things have never been better in my life and i have never thought more about ending it allas the title says, but i wont go into great detail. good job, lives alone, good health and met a girl i like. i have stopped taking steps forward in life and have started taking steps towards ending it. last night i informed my friend of what to do with my valuables if (when) i go. it's all i think about now, like an obsession. i have the means and motive but made a promise i would make it through may. idk if i will make it though, i'm struggling to make it through the day.

opening up has only led people to avoid me like the plagueone mention of the word suicide and they out like shit. unfollow and block.

diagnosed with 4 diseases and a misserable life on top of that.. story (should i tell my parents??)this is me i am diagnosed with 3 skin diseases pityriasis amiantacea sebbhoreic dermetatis eczema from head (scalp, face, body) to toe. nothing seems to work im struggeling for around 2 years now (spended 1000 euros on medicine). i skip uni atleast 3 times a week because of these embarrising red spots and yellow flakes on my nose cheecks and scalp. my grades dropped drastically. i dont have any friends on top of that, people always behave strange when im around. i am also a 21 year old virgin, i asked roughly 35 women out all rejected me or gave me fake numbers (even girls from my classes). i never go out and have fun because i almost dont know anyone. i am always in my room doing homework trying to make up for those times i didnt go to school. i also have bdd (i spend hours looking at the mirror stressing about my looks and skin diseases i also spend thousands on clothing trying to make up for my looks) and severe depression. but here is the thing... i went to the doctor because i had a new kind of rash on my upper body and he took a biopsy. today i went back for the results and they think i have some kind of incurable dangerous skin diseas. thats when it hit me.. i tried to hold back my tears and left asap that shithole went to my dads car (yeah i dont even have my own car) and started crying for like a half hour at the parking lot. there was this old lady that saw me and asked me if i could open the door so she could talk to me i said no and strated the car and drove away. went to the pharmacy for the medicine she said that its not availible anymore, i had to wait 5 weeks. i didnt even bother calling that doctor who described me that shit. cried again in the car and drove home. my parents asked me if it was some good news. i told them that it was nothing important just an false flag. then we were eating my mum saw that my eyes were red and asked me if i cried. she knew i was lying because i also ate very little. i told her it was the wind she said: yeah wind you drove the car right?? and then is just didnt say anything. when im outside i always think why me, why fucking me. why cant i be that guy, or that guy or that girl. i honestly see no point in living anymore. nobody cares about me only my family. my live is fucked up i cant live like this anymore.

i have made a collaborative playlist put all of your favorite songs on it also what should i name the playlist://open.spotify.com/playlist/3ruew7ymepvqn7ping6rzg?si=uccg3wnls8-tftaf-f9mnw

i really want to help my bfbut i don’t know how. he is struggling so much from heavy depression and anxiety. he frequently wants to end it all and he attempted suicide a month ago. this has been an ongoing struggle for him for years. he is currently seeing a psychiatrist and recently saw a therapist (who he hates) and nothing seems to help him feel any better. he is depressed and lonely and suffering all of the time. the only joy i ever see him experience is when he plays with our dogs. just looking for some input on what i can say/do besides just be there for him. i sometimes get angry at him and i know it’s wrong and not helpful but staying silent seems worse like i don’t care about him and don’t have any response. i love him so much and can’t imagine how much pain he is in. i want him to go into a treatment facility but he flat out refuses.

i have exams on monday. i don’t understand shit ^this ^is ^fine

recommend me good albums almost forgot to post this. tomorrow i'm getting new headphones so i wanted to try them with new music. i am pretty open to anything really. please and thank you very much. mmua kisses gn

i host got sent a really horrible vid holy fuck bro plz stop reading if u are sensitive like me ok u goneit was a vid of someone getting there head chopped off now i don’t care how much u can take but if u don’t feel a little sad after watching something like that then u just lost all my respect i’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight plz comfort me i’m literally crying how could u post something like that

i feel like cheating so husband applications are out 🤪🤪://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1faipqlsetiyzjppqbke8rwx6dqyblhns5qoonut6qpyxx5hev413xkw/viewform?usp=sf_link wife me up i’m hot and cute and hot and cute and hot and cute and hot and cute and hot and cute and hot and cute and hot and cute and hits and cute and hits and cute and hot and cute

someone to talk toi'm looking for someone to talk to, preferably a girl, if anyone is up for it. send me a private message with your contact details if you want.

never willback years ago when my depression first started becoming a major issue, i use to write poems/lyrics quite often. probably have written over 200 over the course of 8 years. i have slacked off the past few years, but still write them when everything really gets to me. here is one of my more recent ones. i woke to hear a whisper in my ear one thing i have not heard in a long time you said you loved me and everything was going to be fine i have been trying so hard for so long time keeps flying by and breaking it all down staring into nothing, but always you, you on my mind reliving the time i can't forget diving deeper into my own seclusion i dont believe i'll get that second chance tears haven't come in quite some time still unsure if they ever can my emotions become a blur and nothing is fine need to stop need to take my final stand

i am a teenager who hopes for trump to win. i think trump is a better candidate than biden, and i think trumps america would be better than bidens america. do i care if trump loses? no i don't, it diesnt matter to me. i wont be effected. the reason i post this is because i see alot of people posting about how much worse america will be with trump, but truly it shoukd not matter. i see oeople getting downvoted to oblivion because the share one of their right wing opinions. it shouldnt matter who has what opinion. everyone needs to just get alongn politics aside. i have biden supporting friends and i don't care, they are entitled to their opinion. what matters is that they're good people. i like them. and those same leftist friends like me even though i support trump.

hey haha ur so hot don't kill yourself 😅🥰🥳😝😜💯💯😳 ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

its the midsemester break at university and i'm the only person in a dorm that accommodates 500 people.definitely a new low. no plans to go trekking. no plans to go party. just all by myself here. getting high and watching tv shows. i haven't felt this empty in my life. i have gone 3 days without so much as interacting with a person. the university and town are completely deserted. i'm so alone.

i need to vent...this blows. i'm stuck home alone, while my best friend is out at a party that i was not invited to, potentially hooking up with my crush. maybe it's my fault. maybe they just don't like me. whatever, it's stupid anyway. god damn. oh well maybe i can just do the stupidest waste of time homework project my asshole french teacher assigned... that reminds me, i've now lost my exam exemption because she marked me unexcused absence for a school activity. dammit! i was clearly excused for your stupid class! sorry if i come off a little angry but i just need to vent. i swear i'm gonna lose it soon if i don't say something to anybody. even if nobody reads this, i'm sure you've all got better things to do.

i've had several dreams that someone murdered me, and every time i wake up crying because, well... i woke up.it's been a while since i came to this part of reddit... i can't say i've been well, but i've been keeping busy, and it's *mostly* kept me afloat. but i just had yet another one of these dreams, and i just can't ignore how badly i want to die anymore. my last attempt was almost exactly 2 years ago. i got out of the hospital right before 4th of july 2018. and like... nothing has gotten better in that time. in fact, i'd argue they've gotten worse. work hasn't changed much, but i'm still that ugly duckling that can't do anything right. i don't have friends, my family doesn't want anything to do with me, and even my kids don't like spending time with me. i'm so lonely. and yeah, i know... everyone is lonely. but i just can't shake this feeling that i ever will be. i googled "i wish i was pretty" because i'm basic and stupid like that, and came across this old post on reddit where this guy described what it's like for guys when they fall in love, how their thoughts change and the person's physical appearance seems to change in their eyes. and then i promptly sat here sobbing for like 30 minutes. like, uncontrollable, loud, ugly crying. mascara everywhere type stuff. and it's because one thought repeated itself in my head like a broken record: no guy is *ever* going to look at me like that. it's just not in the cards. it's not just that i'm not one of the pretty girls, i'm not even one of the average frumpy girls. i'm a freak. and there's not a god damn thing i can do about it. and i'm so sick and tired of looking in the mirror, even in the rare moments where i'm actually in a good mood, and ***hating*** what i see. the sheer revulsion i feel when beholding my own reflection is like something out of a twisted lovecraftian nightmare. and i want it to be over.

i need some help to get on the right tracki don't really know where to start... since july i've been feeling really bad, depressed, stressed, useless and helpless. there's only one person that knows about itmy boyfriend. everybody thinks that i'm ok because i look like i ami smile and laugh, but on the inside i feel like i'm bleeding. i cry only when i am at home bacause i don't want people to see me. i don't know why it got so bad but i've had problems with myself for couple of years now. i have bpd symptoms and social anxiety. 3 years ago my mom tried to kill herself. it caused a chain of some bad events in my life. a year ago she tried to do it again. i stayed strong for my dad and i never cried when she was in the hospital. i feel worthless and ugly. sometimes i even wonder how is it possible that my boyfriend loves me and how can i be attractive to anyone. i was bullied in junior high, everyday. i didn't tell my parents about it, but i started having difficulties with learning and from being a very good student i became less than average and had a lot of fights with my parents. i could never go out anywhere with my friends and i felt very lonely. my mom was always very demanding if it was about my education and i felt like i'm never good enough. i've felt this way my whole life and started having suicidal thoughts when i was only 11. if it wasn't for my boyfriend, i would probably kill myself long time ago. i really love him and i know that he loves me too but sometimes i think that my problems are too much for him. but he understands everything. because of the way i feel about myself, i really need his attention and i get very jealous about any other people he is talking to or spending time with. it makes me feel like they're somehow better than me. my problem now is that because of the way i feel i skipped many classes at university and i don't really want to come back. i lost any motivation and when i think about going to classes i feel very anxious and stressed to this point that i want to throw up. i want to give up but i am afraid that i won't be able to handle the fact that my boyfriend is no longer with me all the time (we are on the same faculty right now). i also don't want to make him think of me as a failure. i feel that i should really seek some professional help because it'll only get worse. i would appreciate any support or advice on what to do. i know i should go to psychologist or psychiatrist but after i saw how my mom was treated i'm afraid to.

why not?i'm a fuck up and deserve to die. i keep on making mistakes. i keep being noisy so he cant sleep. i kept making a fuss and smoking around in the house. i should just kill myself. he's never happy around me and i just care to live. two birds one stone.

its sooo hard to me to choose clothes the hardest fucking thing ever. i think i have a anxiety (im really anxious about being anxious. and and because of that i feeling really anxious). i had a choose, one white, one black. i think that white suits me more, but black doesn't suit at all, but white thing is really not cool, but my mom saying that omg white thing is sooo cool but im like not it's not cool but black thing on me seems really cool but black doesn't suits me, but its cool but my mom likes white more. finally my mom shared that to my father and he said that black is cool. then i finally realized that this white thing sucks, and now i have choose buy black or nothing. after 10 minutes of "choosing" (just fucking thinking: 1. this thing looks cool 2. nah black doesn't suits me 3. repeat) i bought that cool black jacket. (or not cool????, black not suits me)

i've founded the masterpiece (cooking with iron golem christmas special)://youtu.be/tbojjoulloa https://youtu.be/ni803x6zwmm i could only find re-uploads, but it's still a masterpiece

i'm just so fucking alone.im drunk and sad. i feel alone when i'm alone and when i'm around people. i feel alone chatting and gaming with online friend. i feel alone hugging my boyfriend. i'm broken. what if i will always be this way? i'm worthless and pathetic and dependant

a blog post about peer pressure, from someone who got through it.i've gotten through my war with depression and i recently wrote a blog post that kind of applies to stuff about peer pressure. hope it helps someone. why is peer pressure so powerful and how can it be successfully resisted? peer pressure is so powerful because it's basic human nature to be liked by others and to trust others. most campaigns against peer pressure say things such as "just say no" or "change the subject." these are bad ideas. by saying things like that you're simplifying one of the most complicated things on this earth, human nature. saying "just say no" is like saying 'algebra is just math with letters." the person you're saying this to isn't going to know how to handle peer pressure just like the other person won't know how to do algebra. when you think about it, the entire idea you have to resist peer pressure goes against human nature. it's a negative outlook and if your peers are pressuring you to go something you shouldn't just dispel the idea but evaluate it. so let's start calling it that instead, ways to evaluate peer pressure that is. so how do you effectively evaluate peer pressure? simple, go with human nature, just go about the problem differently. instead of just "saying no" to x, y or z, think about the consequences of saying yes. say some friends of a friend offer you weed at a party. instead of "saying no" think what will happen if you say yes. well there people are your friend's friends so there's a good chance you'll get validation from the people around you and subsequently get high, but you don't actually know these people personally so you run the risk of getting in trouble or having a bad reaction to the stuff. see what we did there? instead of immediately burning the bridge to that opportunity, you evaluated the situation and made an executive decision based on the possible consequences. in addition to being a better way to evaluate peer pressure, in promotes a positive outlook on life, as well as a logical one.

some weird personal fever dream i had, that i attempted to turn into a short poem/story. (warning some gore)*i might delete this at some point, i guess i’ll see how i feel. i have a bad habit sometimes of just deleting things that bother me in life. but anyways, here it is: at one time, there were two families with drastically different ideas of perfection and what to make of their homes that lived across from one another. the one family was mine, and i had a revelation that the other would eventually have enough of our differences and challenge my sense of normality. but i brushed this dream off, and still headed over to the house to see my friend. when i arrived, my friend and i just spent time looking out their window, people watching, as we usually did, but they said something strange to me, that made me feel uncomfortable...”do you think that different preferences are a disease of the mind?” they sounded sincere, and the peculiarity of it deeply troubled me. “what?” i stumbled. they showed me how our house, had two different vases next to one another, each holding different but beautiful flowers. they then spun me vigorously around to an identical table they had in their house, but on top of this table was a vase that was split into two, crumbling pieces that just sat there heavily enshrined in puddles of some adhesive. a shriveled plant was left to welt on the table, and the soil lay sprawled out around it. the water was long evaporated. i felt frozen, and then when i thought things couldn’t get any worse, i turned around and saw a copy of me being held in the air. tears streaming down their cheeks. but they didn’t make a sound. my friend and some other new person where each grabbing a side of my copy. without being able to move or speak, i just stood there in horror, and relief, and watched as they were about to tear them in two. i watched frozen in place, as they tore them completely in two. their insides fell into a bloody heap on the pristine floor, staining it and my innocence. until eventually, everything turned pitch black. i later woke up with blurry vision in the er. apparently the authorities wanted to see me cause i had some traces of foreign blood on my hands. they then escorted me to where my supposed “friend’s” house had been, but all that lay their now was a valley of ashes that seemed to stretch for miles across their property. i couldn’t feel or remember anything, and they suspected my brain had underwent some kind of trauma. they took me to some local facility to stay in, and i was being watched almost all the time with other kids my age. one day, the authorities came into see me again, and asked me if i knew what happened to my parents. i shook my head no. my mind which had once been a steel trap, was now a blank slate. no more blades to cut away at the underbrush that grew as it pleased in my mind. i was forced to deal with my reality head on. i decided i couldn’t stay where i was anymore. i had to leave. i escaped late in the evening, while the other residents were asleep. one had reminded me of someone, but i couldn’t place my finger on who. their voice was so delicate yet strong, and they didn’t look well, but somehow they still wanted to persist with life. they amazed me, but i suspect i’ll never know them. i went to where my house had supposedly been. that was one thing i was good at remembering. numbers and codes. i entered the house and felt...nothing. eh, it’s not like i expected to or anything, just maybe hoped to. i looked around the dark and cold house. i guess i was looking for evidence of what happened to my supposed parents, or things i used to feel a connection to? since they never told me anything, they just...questioned me intensely. so i poked around, and suddenly came across a cracked door, that had a light on. i hesitated, but then decided to open it. i mean what was i going to do, not open it? so i went downstairs, and discovered a huge cement wall that had the phrases “you’re faking everything” and “everything you love isn’t even real” slathered in blood. i lost the ability to feel, like, everything, so i just starred and didn’t really know what to do next. until, out of the corner of my eye. i spotted...them. it was my old “friend.” they walked out into the light, and said to me, “i bet you don’t remember what happened here, do you?” “no” i nonchalantly said. “well,” they continued, “let’s just say i had fun using your hand with teaching your parents a thing or two about some proper symmetry.” “i taught who what?” i stumbled. “oh!” they laughed a sound that stung some part of me. “that little procedure worked better than i intended!” i felt really tired all of a sudden and out of nowhere collapsed. i started breathing pretty fast, and then really slow, exasperated breaths. “you poor thing, don’t you see, your mine now, and i’m all you have left.” i couldn’t say anything, i felt like i was slowly rotting. well, to be honest i felt like i had been rotting for awhile, but now it was real. this was my home now, but it was a living nightmare. a world i lived in where my fear and the unpleasantness of it all was real. my “friend” noticed my suffering. they had always been in tune with it somehow. they pulled out a knife and medication, all the while assuring me they were only there to make sure i would feel as little pain as possible. telling me that i earned it just this one time. but just then, before they could finally end this hell. i felt someone else grab me. it was my copy. they...were alive...and so was i. they held me for a moment. they weren’t crying, just profusely apologizing. i didn’t understand what it was about. until they finally threw up due to the exhaustion and pain, but stomach acid didn’t come up as expected. rather, a stream of memories and a mix between triggering and personal objects poured out of their gapping mouth. my eyes became clear, and everything was restored...except for everything that wasn’t. as my copy hugged me and told me we were now finally safe and sound, they choose to go down the path of forgetting the horrors they and my “friend” trapped me in days before. i finally realized how little i meant to me.

does anyone compliment you and you get a little happy then look at yourself and then get really upset i feel bad, i'm so horrible at taking compliments

i am obsessed with my ex gf...i need help/adviceso i dated this girl for 2 yrs and it was the best years of my young life. we even talked about getting married right after college and talked about having kids. it was the first time in my life i felt connected with someone in an intimate level. we had our ups and downs like any relationship and she broke up with me. ever since she broke up with me i haven't being the same. she now has a boyfriend of over a year and i can tell she is in love with him. i tried my best to forget her, but i just cant. i changed my lifestyle in order to try and forget her but it didn't work. i sometimes feel i should just kill my self and leave her a note, but i know that is wrong...i always wonder how can a men be so heartbroken about a girl and know i know...i go to the gym, i started eating healthy, started reading books, i tried to talk to other girls, but my ex always comes in my mind. i know that writing this its just silly, but honestly i dont know what do to...i dont wanna talk with a friend because i feel that they would make funny later on for it...just recently i texted my ex to let her know why she doesnt wanna be my friend. she didnt reply. the next day her bf texted me saying that he is now he bf and that i should think before a texted her...not in a confrontational way but like giving me advice...i dont know what to do and everyday i feel like shit...like i failed her...