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thePixel42

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depression-detection

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april 7thive started getting headaches thruout thr day, and its been pretty hard to deal with. no serious triggers, more of a relaxed day, but my head hurt so much. it feels like someones stabbing it with a knife

stop hurting yourselves seriously. i see so much of this bs. pick up an instrument and make angry music. scream your fucking guts out into a pillow. mutilate a ballistics dummy. shoot a tree with a bb gun just something other than hurting yourselves.

overwhelmingly violent feelings towards peopleidk if this is the right sub for this, but since i was 12 and now i'm 20, i've wanted to torture and murder people. i'm female. i want to torture the people who wrong me or even offend me. mostly i want to rape people by shoving an object in their vagina or anus. i'm really obsessed with raping people. i feel compulsions to think/say a certain thing. one common one is slashing people's throats open and stabbing them repeatedly. the only reason i don't kill people is fear of punishment and loss of social standing. i'm really violent towards myself and cut myself and bite myself.

military spouse. need advice urgently.my husband and i have been having a lot of marital problems. we got in a huge argument over skype and i have finally said that i am sending him the papers. now he has threatened suicide. who do i call? i may not feel the same way about him anymore but that does not mean i want him to die or to hurt himself in any way.

hey guys, i have bad news. my grandmother passed away in hospice this afternoon in her sleep. she died peacefully in her sleep, i just wanted to tell you guys, i don’t really have other people to tell, love you guys. take care of your loved ones and cherish them with all your heart.

how tf do i go from sad and getting support to getting a femboy in my dms idfk i'm lucky asf

i just noticed something (i'm not spamming flame hyghenard i used to not love 92.3, but years later z it's ok in my book. it's not the best, i like rap better, but it's alright.

i liked the star wars prequels. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

i finished writing my note take a looki just can't take the pain it's worse than physical pain it has been like this for all of my life i've never truly been happy i don't know what happiness is or what i can do to achieve some happiness i don't know why i do the things i do or why i act like the way i do i guess i just tried to fit in or feel human there's no sense of self there's no self control there's only impulsivity to my family baba ammu nani i'm sorry you've loved me loads unconditionally while i was still a failure i can never live up to your or my expectations to my close friends i won't mention names there's like five of you, you guys actually tried to help giving me hours of your time listening to me blabber complaints for hours there's just no fixing my brain i can't depend on external stimuli to help me survive for all of my life and to everyone else i've hurt annoyed or made uncomfortable in any way i'm truly sorry

anyone wanna chat im just drinking beer and smoking weed. so i'll probably be a little interesting maybe if i'm lucky

i got married yesterday! on roblox! to my crush! ik it sounds like a joke or this is dead cringe which it is but it was so sweet and we trolled together for like two hours after and he proposed to me on instagram then me had a proper ceremony and everything!

so how’s it feel being separated from your old classmates? it’s already almost the end of the year. i love my class. there’s a few bad apples but overall the class is great despite its few issues. i feel like the time i’ve spent with them was short. i’ve been an antisocial person since the first day of secondary(or middle for americans) school. i feel like i’ve only changed a bit. i feel like i’m at ease because i got to know my classmates a bit. now all of it’s being thrown out the window. the system forces us to be in different classes because not every class will have the same subjects. i don’t know what class my friends will be going to. it’s all based on the subjects they choose. next year i’m might have to be in a class of complete strangers. i’ll see a few familiar faces. i feel like i’m gonna be an antisocial mess again. time is passing so fast. in the blink of an eye i’d already be turning 15. in a few more blinks i might even be in college. my life feels wasted. i’m gonna miss most of my classmates even if i didn’t get to know them very well. my class isn’t very bonded. there have been many attempts to bring us closer but they all failed. despite that, i will still miss them. i want to make sure we all keep in touch. hell, i don’t even know what subjects to choose. all these crazy things happening so fast make me feel a bit depressed. it’s a horrible feeling. i hope i can deal with this when the day finally comes where we all go our separate ways. i hope we can all stay together.

goodbyekilling myself tonight, no talking me out of it. everything is ready, just waiting for every one to fall asleep. thanks for everything reddit, i would have been gone sooner if it weren't for you.

i got downvoted and banned from a subreddit ~~for posting shrek porn~~ for essentially saying that the uyghur genocide is real. which people on r/genzedong don’t like i guess. tankies suck.

how?my whole life there has been this feeling deep in me. a dark pit or hole or rock that sits on my soul. i have tried meds and therapy, but it never really goes. it is always overshadowing every day, every memory, every hope. i don't want to keep going if this is how life feels. how do i keep going?

“blocked“ x. shut up just do it

dumb questionsi'm 22, male and i've been considering suicide for a long time. i've tried twice and i still haven't changed my mind. i failed out of college about a year ago, and incurred $10k in debt. i've been doing semi better life wise, i'm in school full time but no job. i just had a question as to if i kill myself, does my debt transfer to anyone and if i can get through this. i'm not in good standing with my parents but i don't want to dump my debt on them if that's what happens. i'm not sure what to do.

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i don't want to commit suicide, but the thoughts flitter in my head every once and a while.posting on an alt since someone is stalking me on /r/depression. i don't want to die. sometimes i wake up and think about my mortality and the fact that death will one choke the life from my bones and i get a minor panic attack. i definitely don't want to kill myself. but...once in a while, the thought flits through my head. i wonder about it. i fantasize about going to one of the forums i frequent and making a truly final post where i declare that i've had enough. i wonder about the responses it would bring. really, they're what i care about. then i think about my few friends and my family, and my classmates even. the hope that people care about me is what keeps me going. i don't want to make anyone sad, even those i don't really like. but i still think about it. i'm scared to tell my therapist this. i already told him that i've had suicidal thoughts a while back. i don't want to go to a mental institution or anything similar. and i don't want my parents to ever know. they already refuse to believe i'm depressed. i don't *want* to die. i try to remain optimistic, and think about all the things i'll miss if i give in. so much music, games, scientific discoveries, world events, technology breakthroughs, books...i don't want to miss them. so i refuse to give in. but it's getting hard to remain optimistic, to stave off those suicide fantasies. it's getting *so* hard.

do i tell him.?first off i just want to say, that i dont need help. im past that and i am certain this is how i will go. i've been depressed for years, and for years, i've thought daily of killing myself. maybe even multiple times a day, there's not a day that goes by that i don't think about it. i have happy days, where it'll pass my mind for a second but then when i smoke it distracts me. but the drugs only last for so long, and now they don't even work anymore, they just make me want to kill myself even more. i have tried and was so close, but didn't quite make it. i have a job, i have a wonderful boyfriend, and i just... don't understand why i can't be happy. it's been this way, for a really long time. i love him... and he brings me happiness but lately, he's been going up and i've just been going down. he didn't have a job for the longest, now he does and he's so happy to get his life together. he wants to move out of my parents next week, and he wants me to come with him, but i cant. i feel myself getting worse and worse everyday, i just don't want to bring him down. i have been planning this for a very long time, i just want to make it to my 18th birthday, just 4 months away.. but with each passing day i just don't think i can wait anymore. a few months ago, i cheated on my boyfriend, i slept with my ex. it was one time, how he found out? he went through my phone, i felt terrible and i wasn't going to tell him but he found out anyways, which i knew would happen, because what doesn't come out in the wash always comes out in the rinse. you know? he has forgave me for it, he's giving me another chance. we've been dating almost a year now. he doesn't bring it up anymore, and i can't seem to keep it off my mind. everything i never wanted to be, everything i despised, i fucking became. a cheater. a liar. a whore, a fucking piece of shit. i never thought i would do something like that to him... but i did and i cannot forgive myself for it. he has never cheated on me (not that i know of), except flirted here and then with girls. not shit compared to what i fucking did to him. i broke his heart. i hate the person ive became. everytime i look at him i just see what i did to him, and i know i don't deserve him. my parents are pieces of shit, my family is gone, when my goga died they stopped acknowledging my existence. i have no friends, because i distanced myself from all of them. they want nothing to do with me because of the fact i'm working too much, and i'm always going ghost. the only one who will miss me, will be my boyfriend. he has a great family... a big one too. and he has friends who care about him, i feel he will be better off without a fucking person like me, and i feel like i should tell him..tell him how i've been feeling late because i feel like he needs to know but i don't want to be stopped, what do i do? the 3rd time is supposed to be the charm. i'm also scared of telling him, because i don't want him to be upset, i don't want him to be mad because im having problems.. i don't want him to be mad because his life is falling perfectly together, while mine is crumbling apart. cheating on my boyfriend is not the sole reason i want to die. there have been so many things leading up to it, so many factors. i have been ready to go for so long. i have tried, tried, fucking tried reaching out for help, to my bestfriend, who is no longer my friend, and my brother. my brother told me i needed to get through it on my own, and i had the walk the path of life alone, when i told him i wanted to die and because of that i will never try to get better again. my boyfriend knows i'm depressed... i don't think he really sees how much though... i love him dearly but i don't want to wake up anymore, i just want to close my eyes, and meet my goga on the other side. i'm so conflicted. he will definitely try to stop me if i tell him but i feel i need too... sometimes i wish he would just leave so it would make it easier for me.

bro i all i wanna do is cuddle with my crush like i don’t wanna do anything else ( i already got rejected btw) like bruh can i guy get some quality love and affection instead of sex

heyy whats up gamers and gameritos discord server and my friends r trying to get new peoplee, we chat, send memes, play games like minecraft among us overwatch all that stuff, and such going on, is not a commitment, guys and girls welcome, dm for link :d

vent thread.my depression has been getting worse lately, despite the progress i've made i feel like my mood swings get so much worse than before. i recently got a dog after much talk with my parents, the caretakers where i live (kind of like a nursing home but for people of all ages with psychiatric disorders) and my shrink, one of the reasons is that i have an easier time taking care of animals rather than myself. well, now i've got my pup and yes, i have been getting better and doing stuff beyond sitting in my room, but at the same time i have all of these feelings and thoughts of doubt, self-hatred and self-loathing. ("you can't even brush your hair, how are you going to keep up this charade of taking care of the dog", "just kill yourself, your dog is miserable every day she's with you", "they're humoring you, because they get paid to care about you" etc.) i just don't know how to tell anyone that i feel as if i'm breaking apart, because when i've tried reaching out to my parents, my dad started yelling and my mom tells me it's because i'm tired. i'm scared that i'll not take care of my dog, scared that i'll end up as inactive as i've been for a long time. i can't find any good reasons that outweigh the doubt and hatred i feel, because my parents have bad economy and are helping me pay for my life (shrink, dog care, bus fare, petrol for driving me home after a weekend visit) since i'm on financial aid and have no job or education. i can't keep up the appearance of handling my life and i can't stop feeling so lonely and dejected. i used to be 50kg before i got sick, now nearly ten years later i'm 122kg and the cycle doesn't seem to break.

i'm participating in the moderna vaccine trial for ages 17-12 lets gooooooo recently moderna is beginning to test the effect of it's vaccine on ages 12 through 17 and i was able to secure a spot! i'm going down in history boys, gonna take one for the team. hopefully i don't die, but i am getting paid 800$ so i think it's worth it. anyways you guys have a good weekend and stay safe!

perhaps im australian or im british, or canadian, or american

i have no motivation.i want to not be depressed. i want to be happy. but everytime i go outside/go on social media i get heavily depressed by the fact that a lot of people are doing better than me and that just straight up ruins my struggle to become better. i need help. those who have gone through professional help, did it actually work or is it a waste of time?

hey virgins and non virgins of reddit... can you horny idiots check out my sub r/thebigwasteland.

help with my girfrien in an impatient unithi, recently my girlfriend and i decided to break up because she is going to an impatient unit for a few months because of her ed, depression and suicidal thoughts. she didn't want to be in the relationship because she didnt want to drag me down or have me worry over her anymore. we both still love each other but she cant bare to have me be down because of this situation. i dont mind, obviously i'd do what any normal boyfriend would do and try and support her but she wants to get better and then try and get things back to how they were with us afterwards. what i'm asking is what are impatient unit's like for teenagers? will i be able to visit, call and post gifts to her or even letters? i dont want her to forget that there are still people that care for her no matter what situation she's in. any insight, or past experiences in this situation would be great. thanks for reading, have a good day. kai.

what is boobies someone explain. i'm a visual learner btw

last night.i was in a bad place. real bad. so... i took a lighter, got it nice and hot, and burned myself. it's been a long time since i've done it. but... i kinda liked it. took my out of my head for an hour or so.

i'm on abilify, celexa, and soon to be on effexor as well. i'm 16...is this normal?? what can expect from effexor? i'm kinda scared :( edit: thanks guys, feeling a little better. :)

no interesting title. how’d you deal with abusive parents? parents who don’t respect your personal space even a bit, yell at you all the time, beat you up like hell, always compare their child to their “friends” children,, if you reply them back then they’d just be more aggressive....

i will literally do anything you want in photoshop for a $5 steam digital card ok so im $5 short on a csgo music kit to surprise my friend but all of my $10 is in cash :/ i wanna surprise my friend with a music kit that he really hates (ez4ence) and give him a skin that he really wants. i can photoshop pretty decently, i got around 2 or 3 years of experience. hop in the dms if interested

might of fucked up so all my friends wanted me to hu with my best friends cousin but my friend who’s cousin it was wasn’t to crazy about it. i did it and did i fuck up?

pls send sad song recommendations i am in need of a good cry

hospitalslowly overdosing on pills. if i go to the hospital, how much can they help me? can they give me anything more than my anti-depressants? do you think people will care?

i need to talk with someone..if anyone has skype, i'd be willing to talk. i'm pretty socially awkward however. i just think i should push myself to talk to someone. i think it might help. we could talk about literally anything, not just depression.

2 days till valentines day :d kill me

this is my last resorti honestly dont know where to begin with. when i started my freshman year of high school, i thought i could make new friends and get greeted to alot of good people. i'm generally the type of person that doesn't hang around the wrong crowd. during this year, i did however meet some really nice people to stick around with. they invited to things, they talked to me, etc. soon after, my sophomore year started, i thought, "this year should be easier than last time". i thought i could just hang out with them again, however, that didnt happen. they started talking to me less, they did stuff with everyone but me, and i could tell from afar that they were purposely trying to avoid me. it made me feel really bad i started wondering if i did anything wrong to them. i was wondering if i said something hurtful to anyone, wondered if it was my appearance, etc. when i tried talking about it to someone that i've helped before, they said "i don't think i can help, this more of a you problem". it honestly really hurt me to see that i spent countless hours with them, spent money with them, and even go to there place's, just for them to throw me away as if i'm nothing. i started slitting my wrists and have attempted suicide a total of 4 time. i never proceeded with the suicide because i gave people another chance; but honestly i dont think i can handle it anymore.

everyone is better off without me.i'm at my wits end. i honestly believe i have some form of bipolar disorder or something is wrong inside my head. i get mad and i get mean and i cant turn it off sometimes and i hate myself. i know my husband is fed up. ive been with him for 5 years and honestly his dog is on my last nerve. his dog is older (11) and ive been in this dofs life for 5 years but because i didnt help raise him he doesnt listen to me. i get frustrated when no one listens because i feel like my parents always brushed me aside and never listened to me. when the dog doesn't listen i get a bit pissy and my voice gets snappy. well the dog ran on me at 1am the other day when i took him out and when i lunged for his collar he rounded on me and his teeth scraped mt wrist up really good. i called my husband while he was at work (he's military so he works long and weird hours) crying and shaking because my wrist was throbbing and bleeding a bit from where he actually broke skin. my husband asked what i did this time? i broke down and told him "i'm tired of being 2nd to your dog! i'm sick of always being to blame because of my emotions. i hate your dog!" this obviously made him upset and i instantly felt like the worlds shittiest wife and pet mom. i don't hate dogs. i've been raised around dogs my whole life and love them. admittedly i am more of a crazy cat lady but i love dogs. i'm just frustrated and now my depression is even higher because my husband won't talk to me or respond to my texts. (i dont blame him). last week i truly broke and walked out to my husband holding his gun to my head and told him he's better off without me. he lunged for me and knocked the gun out of my hands and held me. he's hidden both guns since then and i'm afraid of myself. i want to hurt myself to take shut my head up. i hate myself, i hate my life, i hate/love this dog, i feel like my husband is getting sick of me and i just dont know what to do anymore. i feel like im going to hell or whatever bad afterlife there is because i hate this dog and i verbally lash out at this dog and lose my temper. am i bipolar? am i a bad person? i don't know anymore. after i have an "episode" i start sobbing and i hug this dog and blubber out an apology and then the cycle repeats itself. idk why and i just...fuck idk.

i f*cked up... i did my homework early for my other classes and forgot assignment...it says it's due 8/28 *midnight* so i think it was due last night...i'm hoping the teacher meant tonight, but i think i'm just late. aghhhh how could i forgetttttt

how much do i need to takeanyone know how much diphenhydramine i need to take to od

i'm donei think this is it... i spend all my money on prostitutes and i'm finally done. for years i've been dealing with anxiety and depression, it has finally taking its toll on me. the only thing that is holding me back is the thought of my family living with me killing myself, it kinda pisses me off. i just don't want to live anymore but i can't do it knowing my family has to keep on living after i kill myself. i spend my last money on prostitutes while drunk and im really fucking done....

help i wanna die sooo, my mom is forcing me (f14) to date (m15) that i don’t even know, and apparently, my mom is forcing me to date her best friends son and i don’t want too, i’ve been threw so much already, and i am in a dark hole right now,i just lost someone i loved and i’m trying to forget, and not only that, i can’t sleep for days now, and i’ve been self-harming myself not to long ago, i know cutting myself is bad but, i can’t stop after everything that happened, i just want it to end already

i kinda want to throw myself down the stairs not cos i want to hurt...actually yeah thats the reason but also i think it would be a cool thing to add to my list of stupid things i have done

anxiety and depression affecting my lifei have worked for years in education. i decided to take time from work to focus on my schooling to become a certified teacher. last year i got the job i always wanted. i gave it my all, i worked extra hours tutoring everyday and saturdays. unfortunately there were budget cuts and i was let go. i ended up finding another teaching job, the only problem was that it was an hour away, but in this economy you have to get what you can. i accepted the job offer. it wasn't until i began working in a whole other level/subject that most of my experience has not been in. i am doing special education and find myself running around all day busy keeping communication with the 10 teachers i have to work with. many of my students are behavior problems so i am often pulled out of my classroom to deal with students who refuse to do their work or are being extremely are to handle. i have meetings on a weekly basis that require hours and hours of preparation and on top of that most of my students are very low (they are in special ed) and are being forced to meet the same standards as the rest of their peers. i present lessons to them constantly using repeated review and having to cover the same material day after day (when i am not being pulled out for paper work and other things). during the week i get to work at 6am just to catch up on lesson planning and paper work and even then its not enough. i leave most days at 6pm and get home around 7:30pm. i feel exhausted and worn. my students barely know how to read and are not passing their tests because of that. they are very low and though i have high expectations i know that some of them will probably never be able to comprehend most of the material being covered. this is why there is a special education program. we have special education so that these kids work on iep's. they are able to get graded on material that isn't at their grade level. more and more with standardized tests these kids are being pushed and pushed. last year i had some students that were mentally retarded vomiting on the day of the staar-test (a test all students must pass at the end of the year). what is happening is that my students are very low, i can only do so much as i only have them for an hour a day to cover math, and reading. the teachers are extremely unhappy with me because these students grades are very low, and honestly i just feel like screaming. i do not even have time to breath during the day, to have a conference because of all the running around that i do and paperwork and teaching. even like this there are still many teachers that think "oh, the special education just babysits". during the weekend i spend most of it planning and doing paperwork. literally. i dream about paperwork. whenever i do try to ask for help from my diagnostician and other special education teachers they just give me the run around or yell at me with a lot of attitude. a lot of this is new to me and they just do not want to help me or be supportive at all. i am beat. my dream is to have my own class and to actually teach. i want nothing more than to teach all subjects and to not have to run around all day setting up meetings for 10 different teachers for 30 different students. i do not mind paperwork but this running around and not having my own set classroom with a group of kids i am with all day is really upsetting. i cry on my way to school, during the day i have 5 different people asking 5 different things of me and at the same time i need to be in the classroom teaching. i just don't understand how i am supposed to accomplish all of that. after all how would those teachers respond to me requesting so many things. they wouldn't just shut down their classroom..? i am home sick because i came down with the flu and i am still getting emails demanding me to do 5 different things today. all i do is stress and worry. i have developed severe anxiety and depression that has gotten very out of control. i have started seeing a therapist as i am having ugly thoughts in my mind just looking for an escape away from my miserable job. i know that it's awful to think like that...it's just honestly i don't know what to do anymore. i feel awful for my husband because he has to hear about this all the time everyday and he has to watch me cry and struggle. i feel like i am making him so unhappy and honestly i have not even been in the loving mood because my mind is always preoccupied. he makes good money and we were living on his income before i graduated college but we both began enjoying the benefits of the extra income after i started working. i could live on ramon noodles and could live in a shelter just as long as i have my husband next to me. he is all that makes me happy. for my husband, he enjoys that fine things in life. he also has a business that is doing well right now but in business one day you are in and one day you are out. when i have told him that my job is making me severely depressed and when i cried and told him that i was starting to get bad thoughts of being in a car crash to just end this job misery he responded by yelling at me. he told me that i was being selfish. i was just trying to vent letting him know how much of a toll this job has taken on me. i feel like i am going crazy. i have no support and am slipping more and more into deep depression with no help. i guess i feel like i am drowning with my hand up hoping for someone to help me back up. my husband finally told me that if i wanted to i could resign and get something closer to home [which i was shocked]. now that my husband is allowing me to do this i feel bad putting such a strain on him. i don't want him to be stressed but i cannot deal with this. everyday there are so many twists and turns that take me away from my classroom and yet i get chewed out for the low grades they get. the system is so messed up. i don't know what to do. i love my husband so much and don't want him to have all of this on his shoulders. i do want to work. i will not stay home. the thing is..is that every time i mention resigning he tells me that it is going to be a huge stress on him. so i don't know what to do. he tells me to resign but when i do he gets upset...so i am left not knowing how to handle this. a part of me just wants to struggle and continue getting beat on on a daily basis just for me. i'm just so depressed.....honestly i don't know what to do.

bored and lonely, dm me maybe? as title says, i’m feeling kinda bored and lonely rn. if you wanna talk dm me, we can talk about whatever or do the number game or whatever you want, i just need to have human contact save me from the boredom pls

nothing fascinates me, everything has been said and done, my bucket list is complete, and there is no reason for me to be here.i'm sure a lot of you are familiar with this feeling. not a single thing about existence wows me at all. we are a bunch of fear-controlled monkeys competing egos against each other (unless you've already given that up). science and psychology have no understanding of anything that's truly novel, and there is no hope to be had in anything.

anyone wanna chat or play the number game or smth? just dm me. if you need emotional support just tell me and my dms are always open

for the first time last night i cried about it.little backround: started being depressed when i was about 12 (i am now 15) due to fucking hormones or some shit, since then i've had my highs and my lows, a suicide attempt, days without doing anything but school and sleep, but the only i've never done was tell anyone who could truly do something about it. i don't try to get help because it's a burden and i'm a lazy bastard, i'll go get help some other time. i have a shit personality irl and i act really fucking weird. im fat as shit yo, so making friendsnot exactly my forté. and the ones i do have arent really great. i want to be friends with people but it doesnt exactly work. anyways, i had an ex, who i broke up with a few months ago plunging me deep into depression, we made up and now we're friends and are fine with that, well she's fine with it with her fucking boyfriend. i'm just sitting here lonely as shit lying about everything. and i heard last night he came over, and spent time with her, and that got me thinking. which is the worst fucking idea for me considering when i'm thinking it always gos to my life, then how fucking stupid it is, how stupid i am. but this time was different, i thought about friends, how lonely i am, why people dont like me, why i shouldnt even be around. and for the first time in 3 years i cried about my depression. i cried about my life because its terrible. and i just want a break for once. i just want to sleep, i just want to sleep forever. now this bullshit text post is over and i'm off to distract myself with fallout 4 for days. thanks for reading.

wtf a guy walked in my house and hes stabbing my mom what do i do

im sooooooo bored 😩😩😩 and my room temperatureis too coldbut at the same time way too hot 🥵😩✋

i'm doin a sad idk i been really sad lately and i'm not sure why. i just have these episodes where i can be super happy one second and literally nothing happens but i get super depressed the next. i've been having a lot of suicidal thoughts as of late and it's taking everything i have to not act on it. i'm kinda running out of energy and patience to stop myself from doing it. can i has some support please? i need it rn. also i'm very tired so imma go to sleep. if you leave a comment i'll get back when i wake up. gn, sweet dreams everyone

fuck life man, honestly. im not depressed, i just shit so hard my right ear became stuffed and i can barely hear with it, what the fuck am i supposed to do

i’ve planned out my suicidei have everything except the date and if i’m going to leave a note or not. when the time comes, which may be soon the way things are going, it’s going to come in handy. i’ll be ready

goodbye reddit my mom is making delete reddit. i’ll miss all of you. even though most of it has ruined me it still made me laugh. have a good day gamers

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dm me anything right now and i'll answer you in about 8 or 9 hours cause i'm going to bed now this would be pretty wacky i think

do you get this feel too?this has been happening for the last couple of years. i will get the impression that i got a really good idea. i will pursue it and my passion for it will plateau coupled with my depression will bring my progression to a shuddering halt. anyone else got deez feelz? just wondering.

taking a breaki've been on here a lot this week, mainly trying to help people. i had a breakdown last night and woke up in an awful mood. but now i've showered and cried a lot and my twin is up playing games with me so i'm taking a break off of here today. im in a mildly content mood and i dont want to risk breaking down again. sorry, nothing against anyone, i'm just feeling a little happiness and trying to savor it. as for everyone else out there having a shit time, know that i care and will absolutely be back on tomorrow. (i may even give in and get back on tonight) good luck everybody! :) cheers, fanimegamer

what do you call a virgin in alabama? an orphan.

tired of tryingi feel like a complete failure. i'm 25 and don't have a degree. i could've done anything i wanted but instead i did nothing. i work a shitty retail job where i have to put on a happy face so no one notices i want to be dead. it makes me so tired to pretend i'm ok. i feel like people know... they'll ask at random times if i'm okay and i have to deny, deny, deny... i'm not suicidal, i've simply lost all hope that life will get better. it seems that every day is worse than the previous one. i want to disappear. slowly fade into an abyss. i want people to forget i ever existed because maybe i never actually existed. i want to delete this life. every time i think of maybe changing to try to get better, something goes wrong and i'm reminded that nothing will ever change. if it hasn't changed in the past 10 years, it probably won't. i don't want to live until i'm 80 and sick. i don't want to have kids and ruin their lives. i don't want friends, i don't have the energy to pretend i'm happy and socialize with them. i don't speak to my family because they'd be so ashamed to know how my life is right now. so, so tired. i wake up crying and go to sleep crying. i have a hard time doing stupid daily things. i can't find the energy to cook, clean, do the laundry, run errands... i just want to stay in bed and cry. i'm scared that if i go to the doctor, they won't take me seriously, that i'll subconsciously put on the fake happy face and look perfectly fine when all i want to do is disappear.

i don't know what i'm experiencingso for a long time i've been in a deep depression and my mood essentially flatlined, i cared about nothing, was never happy or sad. then a couple days ago i started feeling emotions again, it was primarily negative but it was feelings so i was sorta happy about that. fast forward to today, i woke up and after a couple of hours i got myself to start planning and working on things i needed to do. since then i haven't been able to stop, i have a constant fear that if i stop that i'll never start working again. it doesn't seem to matter that i can't really do anything meaningfull until tomorrow morning i just need to work. it sorta feels like mania but mania is supposed to be happy energy, this is nothing but fear and dread.

i feel so broken​friday night, i went into my garage to smoke cigarettes and drink a beer. i was feeling really down. i called a suicide hotline. i wasn't about to commit suicide, but i was definitely thinking about it. you can see my other posts to get more background. i called and talked to this hotline for 45 minutes. i was crying and unloading my problems to the poor woman on the other end. i told her that my chosen method would be by firearm because i live in a house with firearms. as i was talking to her, my mom came out into the garage to see how i was doing. my parents are both aware of how i feel and are very supportive. i told the hotline worker that i had to go and said goodbye very quickly. i spoke with my mom and my dad. i was about to go inside with them when i got a call from my local 911 dispatch. they said that they had gotten a call from this hotline and they were sending officers for a welfare check. i was told to wait outside. i was outside, feeling a little better that i got to talk to someone but obviously stressing about the cops coming. when they pulled up, it was two squad cars. they both shined their spotlights on me and got out of their cars quicky. the three officers didn't have their guns drawn, but they had their hands on their holsters. i instinctively put my hands up to show that i wasn't a threat. they came up to me in my driveway and asked if i had any weapons on me or in the garage. they frisked me and checked in the garage for weapons too. they were very polite and professional, but it still made me feel like a criminal. after that, two officers went inside to talk with my parents and one stayed outside with me. once the two came back out, they told me what was going to happen. i could either willingly go to the hospital for a evaluation or they could take me into protective custody and they would bring me. obviously, i chose to go willingly with my mom. we go to the er. i get checked in and they check my vitals. i am given a drug test and a blood test. i am completely sober. i don't do drugs and i had one beer that night. i am then brought to a "safe room." this room is locked from the outside. it has a bed, a tv, and a chair in it. that's​ it. they take my clothes and i am given a gown​ to put on. i can't even keep my phone on me. now i have to sit in this room and wait for the on call crisis worker to show up. i sit in this room until 3am when the crisis worker shows up. she comes in and begins to ask me the standard list of questions about my illness. she then determined that i could be discharged since i am already receiving treatment. i finally get home at 4 am and promptly throw up in my front yard from the stress. everybody was professional and polite during this whole episode, but it still makes me feel like a criminal and absolutely broken as a person. i honestly felt worse by the end of the night than when i had called the hotline. even though i was determined to not be an immediate danger to myself, i was still treated as such for 5 hours beforehand. the bed had fucking tie down points on it. they took my clothes and made me put on a striped gown. i didn't even go into how severe my depression is right now. i feel like a total fucking basket case right now. i'm so frustrated and angry because i want to kill myself but the thought of leaving my family makes that impossible. i don't know what to do.

my 16th birthday is tomorrow. the truth is, i'm not ready to drive yet.

i'm just gonna let you guys know my dad is gonna whoop my ass tonight, i admittedly said something that was kinda disrespectful, and then my step mom had an argument with me, he probably gonna spank me so hard it looks like it was my fetish, haha, see y'all in a bit

our ancestors fought to make this world a better place and now i’m just here jerking off to anime tiddies 😭

i think my manager is the smartest person i know right after his shift is over, he makes his accent heavier and pretends he can't speak english so customers don't bother him. sneak 100.

my depression sits on my shoulder.i feel as though my depression is like a little monster that lives on my shoulder. it's always there and i can't shrug it off. it eats anything that shouldn't be that big of a deal and grows until it starts to weigh me down again. whenever things start going right it starts to learn how it can turn them wrong. it makes me think back to when i was a kid and had all the joy and curiosity in the world. when i gave love to my family and my family gave it back. when i could watch samurai jack and daydream about when i was going to be just like he was. i had this idea that my home was a solid foundation in a clay world where i could mold my life into whatever i wanted. i think about the paths i've taken in my life and how far i've strayed from where i started. i think about how the place i spent my childhood in was split up and bought out from under me. i don't know why i feel as though i'm living a life that doesn't belong to me. maybe the universe messed up when it wrote my story. maybe it got it just how it's supposed to be. just some thoughts.

*sees post about people kissing, finding girlfriends, having fun* me: \*lonely as fuck, virgin, single as a pringle\*

~°•an interesting title•°~i'm so tired of life. i'm tired of what people say to me and how people treat me. i'm tired of other people getting appreciation for things that i did. i'm tired of nothing ever going right. but most importantly, i'm just so tired of being *me.* i'm tired of continually being a failure, i'm tired of having no energy to do anything but the bare minimum, i'm tired of everyone depending on me and being responsible for other humans beings when i feel like i can barely be responsible for myself, i'm tired of caring about people that don't care about me, i'm tired of running around hiding self harm or restricting or anything else while feeling like a goddamn teenager again, i'm tired of having any and all feelings whatsoever. keeping it all together is just too much, but that doesn't matter because i'm the only one there that cares enough to do any of it. that doesn't matter because people don't *actually* care even when they say they do. this is starting to be so much harder than i expected this to be. i expected to feel like shit while scrambling all of my things in order, and then to immediately kill myself. instead, it seems there's going to be a long winding road of losing myself completely and falling back into behaviors and substances i haven't done in years. just one constant downward goddamn spiral. all because i'm trapped. all because i can't stand to leave things unfinished and uncared for when it shouldn't even be my responsibility in the first place. i guess literally *everything* really is harder when you're an adult, including killing yourself. *somebody fucking shoot me.*

found this on yt (not mine obvs) ​ *processing video muryjk54hg161...*

too many lonely nightsevery night is really difficult and i feel like a few more will do it for me and i will kill myself. even the day gets worse and worse and it's harder to get out of bed to go to school, even to do things i like to do like go to the gym. my friends are avoiding me and its been hard/unsuccessful making/reaching out to new ones. it was never hard for me to hang out with friends but now i know i must be a storm cloud walking around and nobody wants to be with me. it was never hard to get with girls even before when i was chubby but i've been curved a few times lately and honestly even just getting with a girl instead of finding friends i need some sort of connection like that.... video games/studying/reading helps take my mind off of it a little bit but i don't even have the patience anymore barely to play a game or even read something short i don't know what to do anymore. i don't even want to go to college anymore because i am going to cost my parents a lot of money where i applied and i cant bring myself to go to a local school because too many people who know me will be there, i am at such a loss i dont know what to do

just venting.i'm not planning anything...been like 11 months since my last try. just, this time of year, everything in life sucks. it's near the anniversary of my dad's suicide and cuz of the holidays and everything, i just miss him and well, nothing has ever been right since.

one of my classmates friends come out as lesbian and i did the mega stupid i am a guy and she came out as a lesbian the first response i said was “don’t worry, i like girls too” i can’t tell if that was funny or just stupid or even offensive

bluei feel so sad lately. i think i'm not as depressed as the last months for sure but all this chaotic system and all the problems on my family breaks my heart. i feel like i can't take it anymore honestly and dog i'm trying my best to wake up and do positive things but ocd is getting worse cause my depression and yeah, i talk to my therapist but i don't feel like telling her all of this cause every time it's the same: i tell her about my shit brain thinking of suicide and then we work on that and i get better but at this point i feel like i can't take it anymore. idk. i can't sleep well, i see no future or when i see something i imagine all of this pain on loop and i can't. i just want to take off this pain, it's an agony living like this. im so sorry about the rant but i think you all are wonderful people and why i can't just think that of myself and just be more kind with myself but this sadness seems endless

miserable at work. lonely on days off.does anyone else feel this way? when i'm at work i can't wait to get out and relax and not have to deal with the stress. but when i'm not at work i feel incredibly lonely and depressed and can't wait to get back to work to keep my mind off of things. i'm afraid to move out of my parents house because i feel i will be a miserable wreck on my own. i won't even have the comfort of my own family to come home to. anyone have advice for this?

calling off (intermittent fmla) has me feeling ashamed/guiltyi just need to vent. or something, i dunno. i am an rn in a small icu and have anxiety/depression/ptsd(?). i have intermittent fmla related to these diagnoses which includes 2 absences a month, two days each absence. due to the size of my unit, there are not a lot of employees so i work with the same people all the time. we are having a staffing issue so each time i call out, i really screw my coworkers up. their attitudes towards me are awful and makes things very uncomfortable. when i call out, they are very rude on the phone. this has me feeling so guilty and ashamed. on top of everything now i completely dread going to work. all of this has just made my anxiety and depression 10x worse.

any dutch guys n gals that wanna chat? hoi, ik ben gabriël en ik ben 15 jaar oud. zijn er wat nederlanders die wat willen kletsen? gewoon, over interesses, hobby’s, etc. wie weet ontstaat er een vriendschap!

my dad made me transfer some data to another computer at 1:30 am because i never used that computer, i ended up finishing at 3:30. and his reason to make me do this is just a blatant, "you're playing on your phone and they're the same anyway." no, i was searching something for mum. and even if i was playing (which he would've been right most of the time), the degree of exhaustion is vastly different. most importantly, who tf makes their son do important things at 1:30 anyways? fml.

all these post about why you shouldn’t commit suicide are lovely, but they all forget the most important reason outliving all of the people you hate is the greatest form of spite possible

another crushing defeat! woo! go me!i must hold a record of some sort for being the most attractive guy nobody has any interest in what so fucking ever. its 1330 and i feel like shit, and really really really wanna go get a handle of vodka. i have enough cranberry juice. i woke up and felt sick. and now its just worse. as a male, when i start showing interest in someone, all, i ask of them is to be honest with me. and to not let me chase something thats not there. hey ladies, how fucking hard is it to tell the truth instead of some bullshit fucking annoying shit to fuck with someone. just because you've been hurt by some douche bag, does not make it ok, to mess with some guy who's genuinely trying to be nice to you. so after a week of chatting, some cuddling and a few kisses, when i ask about the mutual interest between us and you say, well, i'm not so sure you are my type (referring to physical attraction), and i'm really only drawn to you because of your artistic skills, you tend to send mixed fucking messages you idiot, when you text me selfies every morning, initiating conversations all the time. fucking a woman! i mean, maybe thats just how you talk to every dude, but generally that means you show some interest. right? like, i dont fucking know. holy hell. i straight up tell you i think you are cute and i like your personality, therefor i kind of like you. meanwhile. i guess i'm just a fucking idiot. bout to swallow a double dose of my meds smash a beer and pass out, because frankly, that sounds awesome.

why so serio.... sad...?i've had the feelings of depression all of my life and to tell you guys that i had a family that has my back to bring me back up would be a lie. it's constant chaos among them and it drives me mad and makes me so damn sad. i grew up without my dad, and i've never really felt the happiness that everyone always speaks of. all i do is smoke pot everyday to numb the pain because my heart always feels so damn heavy and i wish i could wish the damn thing out of my chest. my girlfriend recently broke up with me in april which started this huge chain of events.. pretty much we were going to get back together and then i needed someone to love so i moved on(back to my "first" love, that i lost my virginity to) and this new/old girl wanted to marry me.. so we we're engaged in less than a week because she's the one that my mind always went to when i was with the girl that broke up with me. i felt like she would make me happy. but all i did was think about the other girl.. and then eventually that ruined the relationship and she broke up with me.. but i tried to get the other girl back.. and after 4 years she moved on to a new guy.. i only moved on to make her jealous.. but now i have nobody.. i have no family to pick up the pieces and make me feel good or anybody. i feel so worthless. i want to die every morning i wake up. i don't see blue skies, there's nothing but the black abyss.. i don't know what to do... how to make myself happy. i'm tired of just smoking pot and temporarily suspending my sentence of suffering... i want to feel good. i want to stop thinking about the past and the people who hurt me and move on and be healthy...

suicidal ideationi live on the top floor of an apartment. when i was 12 i would have thoughts about "what if i jumped over the side of the balcony?" i never thought anything of it. when i was 13 and 14, i often thought about jumping off the side only if my parents were yelling at me. when i was 15, i started wishing my parents had waited to have a kid so they wouldn't have had me. i'm 16 now. i think about slashing my arms, (i've only done it twiceonce when i was 11/12 and once last yearand felt kind of stupid afterwards) hurting myself and jumping off the side every day. but i don't know if i actually want to hurt myselfi spilled hot water on my foot and didn't like it, and even though i don't really want to exist anymore, i'd rather not have been born then want to randomly disappear. i don't really know what to pull from this. i've been told this is called suicidal ideation. that doesn't really mean anything to me. is there something i should do about this?

i (m18) am getting drafted in october and my gf (f18) acts like i’m going into ww2 even though i can still meet her every weekend and sometimes during the week. any tips on how to make her feel better as she’s really sad and upset about not getting to see me every day like for the past one and a half years? we’re not going to break up or anything it’s just taking its toll on her and she’s already missing me while i’m still here.

so you guys remember lego dimensions? that 5 yearold lego game that whas the ultimate crossover with everything? and then it got canceled?

how should i tell my parents i am interested in starting a small business? how can i convince them to let me start it? i am genuinely asking for advice here. i feel like my parents might just brush it off or joke about it. maybe if they saw how serious i was, they wouldn’t make fun of it. but i don’t know how to explain that i am genuinely interested, that i have a plan, that i could potentially fund most of it with my own money, and that i can be committed. i feel like telling them will just make me feel stupid. help!

i cant stop pleasuring myself to the chainsaw man promo video this manga was a life changing read. i strongly suggest everyone go read chainsaw man rn. the thought of it being animated makes me cream. hmu if u want the link. probably best manga ive read.

i've accidentally said super smooth pick up lines multiple times. here they are because i think they're funny. when i say multiple i mean 3, and when i say 3 i had forgotten 1. hers the first me: yeah sorry i was playing terraria. girl: oh i haven't played terraria in ages. me: you should play it, its good. girl: i can't be fucked. me: you should be. girl was a lesbian btw. next one needs some context, for some reason people in our friend group like to adopt or marry people. person i first talked to was child of the second. guy: i'm so sexy me: what do you mean, you don't look like your mum. girl: i'm his mum.

i'm back baby do you even know who i am, do you any idea, any idea at all?

what to do about my brotherwhere to start. ever since the beginning of high school i’ve noticed a change in my brothers behaviour. he seemed extremely happy with his girlfriend at the beginning and was his normal generally positive self. she moved away and they ended up breaking up after trying long distance and from there everything seemed to go downhill. it’s been 4 years and i can’t even remember exactly what he was like before high school. he’s very quiet, plays video games a lot, sleeps a lot. he’s in a relationship that i know is toxic but there’s nothing i can do about it. he spends a lot of time with his girlfriend. he does drugs now and vapes and i know he’s on r/depression and any post he’s posted have gotten little to no replies. he cares little about school or grades and kind of let go to an extent. he’s talked to my parents about feeling depressed and getting having suicidal thoughts, after my other brother and i had told them we were worried. but that was months ago, and nothing came from it. no therapy, no doctor visit, no medication, and certainly no difference in their behaviour towards him. they often get angry at him and yell. they think he’s becoming more like his girlfriend, and get angry when he stays at her house a long time and get mad when he plays a lot of video games or the occasional time he has been caught with a drug. but they never ask why he does any of these things. they never think that it may have some sort of correlation to his mental state, and whether the drugs/gf are the cause or the coping method i have no idea but i feel like they’re related somehow. my family hasn’t about depression or mental illness or anything like that for a long time, but from as far as i can see, the problems haven’t changed and his attitudes have not improved. i don’t know what to do. i try to take his side in arguments with my parents and see from his perspective as often as i can because no one else in my family really do. what promoted me to post about this is i was listening to a school presentation about suicide among young adults and it reminded me of these issues that go unspoken nowadays in my family. i don’t know how to go about talking to him about it, and any time i have tried to ik the last he tends to shut me out, which i fully expected. i don’t know whether he is still being bothered inside, but what i do know is that i don’t want it to be too late when i find out. what should i do?

my quest to become a better person i used to be a really bad person, my only friend in the first year of high school was a huge dick, i think he is a diagnosed sociopath now. but recently i’ve been trying to better myself, i never tried to understand what other people go through. i realized other people have huge struggles that no one even knows the start of. i have adhd which doesn’t sound that bad but it makes everyday tasks excruciating. but that’s besides the point. my point is i want i know and understand what other people go through. one thing i want to start trying to understand is self harm, i’ve never understood self harm, i always told myself “i don’t understand why someone would put physical pain on top of their emotional pain” i know that’s not what it’s like but if anyone here is comfortable with sharing, i’d like to know why that happened. i know this sounds really incentive, but this was the first place i thought to ask.

advice from a 23 year old when i was a teenager i was overweight and short. than after a couple years i was fit but still short. right now i recommend losing weight and living healthier lifestyles your body will thank you for it. as of now i’m living my last day but i hope you all had a good christmas and some other advice going to community college first and transferring saved me a shit ton of money.

life after suicidei don't have plans to kill myself today but as i've found before, that could always change in a moment. anyways though, on october 19th, 2014 (8 days after my birthday and 1 day after my wife's or what would be a happy time in most people's lives), i had plans to slit both wrists in the bathtub and then my neck right after that. instead, some strange stuff happened which distracted me after i slit the first wrist and then i noticed the extreme pain in my wrist that changed my thought from my distraction to my wrist again. i felt a rushing burning fire feeling that i later found to be what it feels like it you split a vein open. i had that in 4 areas on this one wrist because i cut 4 veins. i also felt a different kind of pain in this wrist that i think was the broken skin. not only that but the pain that was far worse than that was the pain in my chest. i could hear and feel my heart beating and each beat literally hurt and my chest felt like a car was parked on it or something. a moment or so later, i felt complete numbness and an honestly peaceful feeling and everything around me seemed just right and pretty amazing and then i had this sort of i can't really describe it but in a matter of moments, i saw the lights go out for me. everything was black. coming back from this was even more so painful in my chest and felt like i was maybe having a heart attack or something and then i was left with weeks of pain and this burning feeling. now i'm left with a giant and very obvious scar on my left wrist. a month or so went by afterwards with this same feeling of depression and seemed to just be a really long peaking point or something but i tried again the next week on some day i don't remember but it was a really not so much attempt because i tried cutting into the same wound since my veins were already open but yeah, oww..i stopped and haven't attempted since. now though, i'm stuck with a different form of depression or what i'm assuming is depression. i don't feel like actually going forth with a suicide attempt but the thoughts are almost always present in my mind. i have this pure almost emptiness feeling inside of me though and have had it for at least 2 and 1/2 months now. it might be because i'm stuck in delaware (i'm here for work and from illinoisand literally don't know another person beyond my wife here so i'm stuck visiting the same 3 or 4 websites every single day. just imagine how old that. i'm still stuck in the same position i was in and the same life and same issues i had before i attempted suicide but the only difference is something seems to have just changed in my mind where i literally have no will or motivation to do anything. i literally lay in bed nearly all day and when i get bored of the internet, i find myself starring at the ceiling or walls thinking and day dreaming as well as thinking about hanging myself (hanging myself would never happen..i'm 6'8" and just too damn tall). idk..i just feel like i'm in a rut i can't climb out of. things aren't getting better at all and some days still get worse but it's like nothing effects me anymore and i just don't feel anything. i'd love to go into detail on all of the things going on in my life that make everything seem not worth it but again, i don't feel motivated and not even enough to type that all out. idk..any suggestions on climbing from this rut i'm stuck in? it's better being in this rut than the one where i hurt internally every single day but no feeling at all also sucks quite a lot.

depressed about workwhen do you just quit?i have an at home job that is just killing me. i am not dying for money but i need a job pretty fast if i quit. but i hate my job. it maybe one of those things where i am depressed so i think i hate my job when it's just fine. but it is killing me. i thought it was just anxiety, but it's getting worse and i hate it. i'm asking my boss if i can be switched to part-time. so we will see what happens. i know i need to be tough and just do itbut at what point should i quit so i can deal with my mood. i just feel like a weak screw up

life has assassinated my characterpermit me for a moment to air my grievances. as a former activist high on the passion of idealistic ideologies, it is with great displeasure that i am announcing my displeasure. life, though in appearances is quite easy, has lost the great motivating force which kept the grass green, the storms calming, and the flowers radiant: purpose. sweets are tasteless. appearance is vanity. discussion is boring, and i am a zombie. life has assassinated my character. while i previously viewed the alleviation of my youthful arrogance as an evolution in character i now plead for its return. where oh where has the audacious visionary gone? where is the hopeful romantic? i have held belief systems, inwardly and proclaimed them outwardly, to include socialism, libertarian, anarcho-capitalism, atheism, bahai, christianity and now i’m devoid of conviction. i have no strong feelings one way or the other, which would be ok, if i didn’t obtain my energy from ideas. i am without fuel.

i'm in an emotionally abusive relationship... with myself.for as long as i can remember, i have hated myself. i have a negative voice in my head that won't shut up, no matter how hard i try. i have suffered from disordered eating for the last 5 years, coming up on 6 now. i was originally restrictive, but for the last 4 years have been dealing with binges. i still have restrictive thoughts, but they fill me with so much shame and fear that i binge, which causes more shame and disgust. i am not satisfied with my body, and it has progressed to me being unsatisfied with every aspect of myself. i don't feel like i am good enough. i can always find something wrong with me and negate any compliment. my inner monologue is critique, hate, shame, and guilt. i have another voice, a softer voice, that says i'm actually a very good person, i've achieved everything i've set out to do so far, and i should be proud. but whenever this voice speaks, no matter what, that negative voice comes back and says "no you aren't, you are worthless". it feels like i have two people fighting to the death inside me, and it's exhausting. i've had periods where the good voice wins, the longest one being this past february. for the first time in a long time, i was content with myselfnot over the top happy, but definitely not hating. unfortunately, that negative voice came back with a vengeance and i am suffering worse than ever, partially because the positive voice is fighting harder, partially because i am believing the negative voice more each day. i feel very overwhelmed and like i have been beaten up daily. i don't want to do anything but stay at home and cry. even going to work or having a conversation with people is ridiculously hard. i have found myself actually saying my negative thoughts out loud, some of them are even a little terrifying. i don't want to feel like this anymore. i want to like myself, i want to stop the mental torture. i can see this interfering with my life, it already has. if i had this kind of relationship with anyone else, i wouldn't put up with it. but for whatever reason, it's ok for me to say horrible things to myself. i have reached out for help. i have an incredibly supportive boyfriend, a well-meaning mother, and i've talked to my doctor, a dietician, and a psychologist as of last month. i see my doctor again monday and the psychologist at the end of the month. i am proud i'm finally reaching out, but i'm still struggling daily and it is getting worse. i'm not really sure what i wanted to achieve with this post. maybe some support. maybe to just get it off my chest and be heard. i don't know, but thank you for listening.

i feel like a burden.hi, my name is ray i am 33 years old. the last 4 years of my life have been a very big roller coaster. long story short, you could say i gained everything i ever wanted and then in the blink of an eye i lost it all due to my lifelong fight with depression and anxiety, things would be going good in life and then i would find ways to mentally sabotage myself by making problems when their shouldn't be any or worrying about things when i shouldn't. it drove my gf of 13 years to fall out of love with me and pretty much think i am a lunatic. fast forward to today i have no friends who really care to talk too me, everyone is off doing their own lives i cant blame them for that but it still sucks and i am living back at my parents house and cant even hold down a job because i somehow clash with everyone now, by that i mean slowly somehow people just tend to hate me. i don't know what to do i just keep using drugs to numb my mind (i dab all day) and i don't really know what to do. i constantly think about killing myself more and more and nights alone just keep getting harder and harder to make it until sleep hits me. killing myself actually isnt that bad of an idea its just the carrying out the action i seem to not be brave enough maybe if i think about it more i will build the courage. why cant they have volunteer suicide centers as long as we donate all our organs or something it doesn't seem like that bad of a trade off a place i can go and just go to sleep forever

never had a girlfriend 27 male27 y/o male here who has never had a girlfriend and is a virgin. i'm in shape, in an area where my race is majority, educated, 5'11", and i actually ask women out; but it always falls apart. i don't know if i'm pursuing the wrong people or if i'm not pursuing enough. it always feels like the the girl's attraction goes away after the first date unless she's really overweight and not attractive (which doesn't happen any more since i've quit online dating and ask out in person). i have an engineering degree but i can't find work so i work minimum wage and live at home. due to low marks, disability, no personal projects, and no connectionsi'm not getting any replies back to applications. basically, girls think i'm a 27 year old bum; they think i'm full of shit. i worked hard for my mediocre marks but so many personal problems got in the way from really making connections and doing well in the program.

this post is directly for one guy hello! so if you're reading it there are 2 options 1. you're random person who just sees it (you can leave now, there's nothing interesting here) 2. you're my classmate. yes, you. yes you're thinking right, i'm talking about you. spying on my profile directly after i told you it's cringey. if you're here say hello :) i'm bored what did you except