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About to go to football, wish me luck guys! Dont have an image, because my webcam is broken, but this is one of my last practices until the season starts, and we are doing 7on7s! Pleeeeeease give me your good luck, my team needs it!

A punto de ir al fútbol, ¡deséame suerte chicos!¡No tengas una imagen, porque mi webcam está rota, pero esta es una de mis últimas prácticas hasta que empiece la temporada, y estamos haciendo 7on7s!¡Pleeeease me da tu buena suerte, mi equipo lo necesita!

How do you make memes in Android? I know this is a stupid question but I never know how to make memes abd wanna make memes

¿Cómo se hacen memes en Android?Sé que esta es una pregunta estúpida, pero nunca sé cómo hacer memes abd quiero hacer memes

I feel like the world's biggest failure.This is difficult for me to write, especially seeing as it is really going to sound like I just want people to feel sorry for me. No, I don't. I don't talk to people in real life hardly at all, and if anything, this is just me trying to tell SOMEONE what I feel. I am a gay, 24 year old male, and I have the most wonderful, supportive and loving partner anyone could ever ask for. He's the only thing that keeps me afloat right now. If not for him, I would have offed myself already. Why do I feel like a failure? I am 24 and I am JUST NOW learning how to drive. My parents, as I was growing up REFUSED to allow me behind the wheel. I wasn't allowed to go to Drivers ed in high school, and I wasn't allowed to try for a permit. Then, as I got old enough to make my own decisions, my anxiety reaaaally kept me back. I won't lie, its mostly my fault its taken this long. I'm scared of driving. I have nightmares where I crash and it kills my boyfriend, or kills someone else or myself. I can't drive but these teens who have rich parents and get a lamborghini for their 18th birthday can drive? Even stupid people can drive. Why is it so hard for me? I admit it. I get jealous of others when it comes to career. I always had high hopes for my future as a kid. I have an associates degree in business administration, and it's so far proved completely useless. I work at a factory, which on a positive note pays a good bit more than I was making working 5 years at a dead end retail job that only promoted people who kissed butt. I don't kiss butt. I work, I work very hard. So why then, was I hired at this factory making $13 an hour (originally 11, but my boss seems to appreciate my ethic and promoted me rather quickly) and I have a degree and management experience, but then people who don't even have a diploma and have worked at mcdonalds all their life get hired making $16 and up? I don't have to make $100,000 a year to be happy. I just want to be able to support myself. That's another big thing. Supporting myself. I live in a state where living prices are kinda at the median, not ridiculously high, but not very low either. Anything I would be able to afford on my own would be in Crimesville and Drugtown. What about my boyfriend working? Well, let me just say that he was originally from another country (the UK). Yes, he is currently here legally, don't worry, but he does not yet have the right to work in America. We have hired a lawyer to get that straightened out though, which is just another expense piled onto all my other bills. Credit card payments, rent, utilities. I currently live with my parents of course, what loser doesn't? But apparently they've hit some real rough patches and have decided to part ways. This is really bad for everyone in the house. My dad is disabled and can hardly even walk on his own, yet he demands he live alone. My mother is old and vulnerable, and I'm terrified some crazy drug head might try to take advantage of a defenseless, older woman who is obviously alone. My parents, after all this time have told me basically "we don't want you around anymore, you're an adult, figure it out". I would love to, but at $13 an hour, I can't support two people, are you kidding me? Not only that but 24 or not, my parents splitting up does upset me. I've come to forgive them over time, they abused me terribly as a child (not gonna go there) and now all of a sudden its just f\*\*k you again. Yes, I know I sound very selfish right now for worrying about me and my bf and not my parents, and I'm sorry. I'm just scared. I'll be homeless, I don't care, I just want my boyfriend to be safe and happy. That's all I want. Does this sound like I'm just being childish? If it does, just tell me. I grew up being told my opinion does not matter. No one cares about if I'm sad or not. In fact, they get angry at me if I seem depressed, I just hear "get over yourself". That's why I don't talk to anyone. I am a quiet person and I don't go out with friends much, because literally 100% of my closest friends are online friends. How sad is that? I have no friends. I stay in my bedroom with my bf and we are happy when we are together. Playing video games, watching movies, I'm happy with him, I really do love him with all my heart. But that fear of all this stuff crashing down on my head at once, parents divorcing, trying to move up the ladder at work, everyone else is successful and I'm not, I can't drive (well, I can, but its veeeery difficult and I don't feel safe on the road with other drivers yet), I'm just so tired of it. My sister is 21, she was an A student in high school. I was A's and B's. That, in my parents eyes made her better. When we both graduated, My sister was immediately told by my parents that they would help her through school and she didn't have to work. I had to work. "We need help with the bills". Okay, so I worked full time, and went to school part time. I'd get home after 12 hour shifts and go to college for another 4. But while I had some setbacks, I made it through school. My parents did not come to my graduation because they "were tired". I left my graduation early and just accepted my paper and left, telling them there was an emergency. There was no emergency, I was just...well mostly pissed to be honest, but also sad. Nowadays, my sister is heavily addicted to drugs. She got involved with some lowlife douche of a boyfriend who introduced her to the stoner life. That's all she does now. She's still the favorite somehow though. My parents don't worry about me. I wanna talk to them about something that bothers me? All I get are sighs and the occasional "ugh". Otherwise, I am not even given the dignity of a response. They just do. not. care. what I have to say. But then, my sister got into the goth scene (sorry, should have mentioned this was a little earlier before we graduated) and thought it was cool to do that cutting your own arm thing. My sister admitted to me AND my parents that she wasn't depressed, she just thought that cutting made her look cool. "OH GAWD OUR POOR BABY, WE BETTER DROP THOUSANDS ON HER FOR THERAPY SHES SO MISUNDERSTOOD AND NEEDS LOVE AND SUPPORT". come on man. Really? I'm old enough to know the difference between favoritism and "sibling rivalry". God...I've already covered way too many subjects for this post. I'm done, I'm sorry. I just have sooooo much to think about, and sometimes, suicide sounds really nice. Don't have to worry about it anymore. It's not like anyone would miss me. As I said, no friends, parents don't care. Of course I know it would hurt my boyfriend, and I do think about that. I do. It's the only reason I haven't done it. I went out a few months ago and purchased a shotgun. I bought it literally for the sole purpose of using it when I was ready. I just haven't had that need yet. It's the only gun I own and I don't need any more. My boyfriend knows why I bought it. It upsets him. He wants me to get rid of it, but I haven't yet. I don't know what to do, reddit. If this is all a bunch of bull and I'm just being an idiot and crying about nothing, please, go ahead and tell me. It wont hurt me. I just need to know the truth. ​

Me siento como el mayor fracaso del mundo.Esto es difícil para mí escribir, especialmente viendo que realmente va a sonar como sólo quiero que la gente sienta lástima por mí.No, no lo hago.No hablo con la gente en la vida real en absoluto, y si algo, esto es sólo yo tratando de decirle a ALGUIEN lo que siento.Soy un hombre gay, 24 años de edad, y tengo la pareja más maravillosa, solidaria y amorosa que nadie podría pedir.Él es la única cosa que me mantiene a flote ahora mismo.Si no fuera por él, ya me habría quitado a mí mismo.¿Por qué me siento como un fracaso?Tengo 24 años y estoy JUSTO AHORA aprendiendo a conducir.Mis padres, mientras crecía, se REFEREN a permitirme detrás de la rueda.No se me permitió ir a los conductores ed en la escuela secundaria, y no se me permitió tratar de un permiso.

Rip Unus Annus Welp they Delete themselves last night but luckily I downloaded all the video so :)

Rip Unus Annus Welp se eliminan a sí mismos anoche, pero por suerte he descargado todo el vídeo así que :)

Someone help me...Please, I am desperate. Edit: Going to bed now, thank you guys!

Que alguien me ayude...Por favor, estoy desesperado.Editar: ¡Ahora me voy a la cama, gracias chicos!

I have been in a relationship with a girl, but she dosent pay me much attention. Like I have been together with this girl for a while (4 months) and like in comparison the attention I get is nothing compared to what I give her. Like each time we meet I hug her, give her a lots of conpliments and stuff like that. She really likes it but like what do I get in return. Basically nothing. I have gotten one random unexpected hug from her in summer. We are now on a break due to covid. But this whole thing was in summer where it started. I started to notice the attention she gave to me. And when we talked about it she would go "Don't worry babe next time I will do the things u told me that u wanted" it all was a lie. I waited desperately for something in the next date but nothing happend. She didnt even notice I got a haircut. And this went on and ok for like 3-5 times. And in the end of the summer she wanted a break. And when we started to talk about it she would say that she paid me attention. But since I really want to memorise stuff I made a blank snap and just wrote a date and what happend then. She didnt even tell me "I love you" one time in our whole relationship. And now she wants to start over. But I just dont want her to break me again. I will come up with something but I would like some more help from u girls with experience.

Yo he estado en una relación con una chica, pero ella me presta mucha atención.Como he estado con esta chica durante un tiempo (4 meses) y como en comparación la atención que obtengo no es nada comparado con lo que le doy.Como cada vez que nos encontramos la abrazo, le doy un montón de condones y cosas así.Ella realmente le gusta pero como lo que recibo a cambio.Básicamente nada.He recibido un abrazo inesperado al azar de ella en verano.Ahora estamos en un descanso debido a covid.Pero todo esto fue en verano donde comenzó.Empecé a notar la atención que me dio.Y cuando hablamos de ello ella iba a ir "No te preocupes nena la próxima vez que voy a hacer las cosas que me dijiste que querías" todo fue una mentira.Esperé desesperadamente por algo en la próxima fecha pero nada pasó.Ella ni siquiera se dio cuenta de que me cortaba el pelo.Y esto continuó y ok por 3-5 veces.Y al final del verano ella quería un descanso.Y cuando empezamos a hablar de ella diría que me prestaba atención.

Who watches Infinity Train or any other cartoon? I’d love to know what cartoons or anime you like.

¿Quién ve Infinity Train o cualquier otra caricatura?Me encantaría saber qué caricaturas o anime te gustan.

Gone by the end of the week?I'll be dead by the end of this week. I'm ready

¿Se habrá ido para el final de la semana?Estaré muerto para el final de esta semana.Estoy listo

How can I help my suicidal spouse?My husband has been dealing with depression for a few months now and things are escalating so quickly I fear I will loose him! About 6 weeks ago he started having depression symptoms and started seeing a counselor. Two weeks ago it got the the point of him being suicidal, and he left in his car to do so, but we (his friend and I) talked him down. He started smoking cigarettes and has been shopping and gambling as self medication. After that instance he went to a MHMR and they gave him a care plan, and set him with with a general practitioner to get on meds, which was pushed out a month being a new patient. On Monday he leftthe house and send me a suicide letter. I finally got in touch with him and he came home covered in blood. He had cut himself with a razor on his are 89 times and his face and neck 42 times. It was superficial wounds and I got him cleaned up. He didn't even look like himself in the eyes, like he wasn't even in there. Finally he snapped out of it and we went to bed and I called off work the next day to be with him and watch him. He missed 2 days of work and went back today. When he got there he was fired for missing work. Ugh! I don't knkw what to do at this point. I thought about calling 911 when he came home bloody but I though they might not be very helpful and with hime being uninsured it would cause a financial burden on him. I feel like his care plan isn't working as they haven't scheduled therapy with him which I would think woukd be the top priority since they know he's suicidal (he told them). What should I do?

¿Cómo puedo ayudar a mi cónyuge suicida?Mi esposo ha estado lidiando con la depresión desde hace unos meses y las cosas se están intensificando tan rápidamente que temo que lo perderé.Hace unas 6 semanas empezó a tener síntomas de depresión y empezó a ver a un consejero.Hace dos semanas se le dio el punto de ser suicida, y se fue en su coche para hacerlo, pero nosotros (su amigo y yo) lo convencimos.Empezó a fumar cigarrillos y ha estado comprando y apostando como automedicación.Después de esa instancia fue a un MHMR y le dieron un plan de cuidado, y lo pusieron con un médico general para que se pusiera en medicina, lo cual fue expulsado un mes siendo un nuevo paciente.El lunes salió de la casa y me envió una carta suicida.Finalmente me puse en contacto con él y llegó a casa cubierto de sangre.Se había cortado a sí mismo con una navaja en la suya son 89 veces y su cara y cuello 42 veces.Fue una herida superficial y lo hice limpiar.¡Ni siquiera se veía a sí mismo en los ojos, como si ni siquiera estaba allí.

Posting here everyday until I'm 20 - day 36 Today I discovered a couple of PUBG videos on XXXTENTACION'S channel. Would've been cool to see him as a gaming YouTuber

Publicar aquí todos los días hasta que esté 20 - día 36 Hoy descubrí un par de videos de PUBG en el canal de XXXTENTACION.

I hate myselfI hate my body, my skin, my hair. I wish I was a more attractive person, and people would notice me and have a crush for me, but it's been 2 whole years since I dated somebody. I hate having the personality that I have, hate my mental illnesses. I always cringe when I think how stupid I look like when I'm around people, but I can't change. I hate living where I live, hate the parents that I have, hate the fact that I was born in a poor family. Maybe if I have more money, I could work on something. But now I have 0 money. I've never had a job, and I don't feel like I can get one, I did some interviews before but they didn't approve me. So I use this as a daily reminder to how shitty I am, I would never accomplish anything because I am a total garbage. I am so broken and I'm sk done with myself. Now, I am so lonely, I miss the friends that I had back in high school. Now they're out there making their lives, getting their jobs and being someone. Me? I am standing home all day, feeding my depression and social anxiety. I can't stand be around people, I am so awkward omg, and I absolutely hate it about myself. So, I think I said it all. I don't know how to keep on living anymore. I am planning my second attempt at ending it all (the first was last year, I just disappeared from the world in order to kill myself. 6 months passed and i just failed at it. So I decided to give life another chance... But I ended up caught in this spiral again, and now I hope I can finally end it all). Thanks, anyway, for reading all this, I never told anyone about all this. And sorry for the text, I am not a native English speaker.

Me odio a mí mismo, odio mi cuerpo, mi piel, mi cabello.Odio tener la personalidad que tengo, odio mis enfermedades mentales.Siempre me pongo nervioso cuando pienso lo estúpido que me veo cuando estoy cerca de la gente, pero no puedo cambiar.Odio vivir donde vivo, odio a los padres que tengo, odio el hecho de que nací en una familia pobre.Tal vez si tuviera más dinero, podría trabajar en algo.Pero ahora tengo 0 dinero.Nunca he tenido un trabajo, y siento que no puedo conseguir uno, he hecho algunas entrevistas antes pero no me aprobaron.Así que uso esto como recordatorio diario de lo horrible que soy, nunca lograría nada porque soy una basura total.Estoy tan roto y estoy harto de mí mismo.Ahora, estoy tan solo, extraño a los amigos que he vuelto a la escuela secundaria.Ahora están haciendo sus vidas, estoy haciendo su trabajo y estoy en la calle.

maybe I might just need someone to talk with but I'm having horrible thoughts tonight.Man excuse the long wall of text but here we go; I've been depressed for a good chunk of my life. Most of it is a lack of self confidence. I'm a 24 year old individual has never kissed another person, or had any intimate encounter. I don't have any many friends because I'm quite socially awkward. Lately the thoughts have been up and down but the past couple weeks have really brought me to new lows espically tonight. I'm going to be out of job soon with no way to pay rent (our company is doing some restructuring shortly). I finally found a girl who showed some interest in me, and some of the darkness I felt inside me was dissapearing for a short little while, however out of no where after our fourth date she told me she sees me as friends which absolutely crushed me. And to make matters worse, there's a individual I talked to quite frequently online, we confessed our feelings for each other even though they were in a realtionship already. This ended in the other person cutting off all communication with me for over a year. They finally started talking to me again, out of no where, a week ago, which made me incredibly happy, but out of no where they the individual made it clear to me that they will not be talking to me again moving forward, and now i'm completly gutted as I don't think I've ever had stronger feelings for a person then this person. So I'm sitting here alone, I don't drink, nor do drugs so It feels like I have no where to escape too. I have so much pain inside me. I've tried seeing a psychologist before, and taking medicine but quite frankly it made it worse (my family said I turned into a raging lunatic). Reddit, I'm not quite sure what I need, or what I expect to find here. All I know is I googled eaisest way to commit suicide tonight and that scares me. It scares me so much because I'm not scared of the thought of sucidie itself, but more the thought of staying alive for one more day and feeling the way I do right now.

Tal vez solo necesite a alguien con quien hablar, pero estoy teniendo pensamientos horribles esta noche.Hombre disculpa el largo muro de texto, pero aquí vamos; he estado deprimido por una buena parte de mi vida.La mayor parte de esto es una falta de confianza en mí mismo.Soy un individuo de 24 años nunca ha besado a otra persona, o ha tenido ningún encuentro íntimo.No tengo muchos amigos porque estoy bastante incómodo socialmente.Últimamente los pensamientos han sido hacia arriba y hacia abajo, pero las últimas dos semanas realmente me han llevado a nuevos bajos espíciles esta noche.Voy a estar fuera de trabajo pronto sin ninguna manera de pagar el alquiler (nuestra compañía está haciendo alguna reestructuración en breve).Finalmente encontré a una chica que mostró algún interés en mí, y algunas de las tinieblas que sentí dentro de mí estaban disapeando por un poco de tiempo, sin embargo fuera de donde después de nuestra cuarta fecha ella me dijo que me veía como amigos que absolutamente me aplastaron.Y para empeorar las cosas, hay un individuo con quien hablé con frecuencia en línea, confesamos nuestros sentimientos por unos a otros aunque ya estaban en una realidad.

I was just at a train station on my own and it scared meI was just at a train station on my own, I’ve been out drinking with some old friends. I was standing there looking at the tracks and a train was coming and I thought I could just do it now. Every time I’m at the station I think that, but I never do it because I’m around people and something about that just puts me off waking onto the tracks. But tonight it was just me, and a couple other people down the other side of the platform, and I really thought I could do this. But I didn’t, and I got on the train, and I don’t know why but I’m so scared.

Yo estaba en una estación de tren por mi cuenta y me asustóMe estaba en una estación de tren por mi cuenta, he estado bebiendo con algunos viejos amigos.Estaba allí de pie mirando las vías y un tren venía y pensé que podía hacerlo ahora.Cada vez que estoy en la estación creo que, pero nunca lo hago porque estoy cerca de la gente y algo de eso simplemente me hace despertar en las vías.Pero esta noche era sólo yo, y un par de otras personas por el otro lado de la plataforma, y realmente pensé que podía hacer esto.Pero no lo hice, y me subí al tren, y no sé por qué, pero estoy tan asustada.

South Carolina is just upside down Virginia Look at the two on a map. If you flip South Carolina on the x-axis, the two look almost the same, except South Carolina just has a boner

Carolina del Sur está al revés Virginia Mira los dos en un mapa.Si volteas Carolina del Sur en el eje x, los dos se ven casi iguales, excepto Carolina del Sur sólo tiene una erección

Honestly if someone ever talks about me here I will be surprised lol

Honestamente, si alguien habla de mí aquí, me sorprenderá lol.

I so badly want to die.But I can't leave my kids. I just had to have children didn't I? I'm a shit father, and a shit husband. I'm nothing and I'll never be anything more than nothing. 30 years of wasted resources on me. I don't deserve anything good or happy. I suppose all of can do is hope to die of natural causes sooner rather than later.

Tengo muchas ganas de morir.Pero no puedo dejar a mis hijos.Sólo tenía que tener hijos, ¿no?Soy un padre de mierda, y un marido de mierda.No soy nada y nunca seré nada más que nada.30 años de recursos desperdiciados en mí.No merezco nada bueno o feliz.Supongo que todo lo que puedo hacer es esperar morir de causas naturales más temprano que tarde.

yes I am gay, yes I am proud, and yes I'm a boy! U*votes to the left! Don't forget with the shiny gold silver and blue thingies!

¡Sí soy gay, sí estoy orgulloso, y sí soy un niño! ¡U*votos a la izquierda! ¡No te olvides de las cosas brillantes de plata dorada y azules!

Please todayI am begging any God, guardian angel, the cosmos anybody at all. Please let today be my very last one, I am desperate to die, I need it so badly. Please please please I am begging....

Por favor hoy estoy rogando a cualquier Dios, ángel guardián, el cosmos cualquier persona en all. Please hoy ser mi último, estoy desesperado por morir, lo necesito tan mal.Por favor por favor por favor estoy rogando....

Only living to keep my mom sane except now I'm starting to care less about her feelingsNothing is wrong with my life. I've always been incredibly spoiled and everything I wanted has been handed to me. People would kill to have my life, except I'm in so much pain. From the moment I wake up every morning, all I can think about is how I want to die. I'm so miserable having to live that the idea of permanent nothingness is the only light I can see. I want to die so badly but I've been putting it off because of the guilt of knowing I'll be putting my mom through the same pain I'm experiencing if I were to die. She begs me all the time to not hurt myself and makes me promise never to end my life. I don't know what to do anymore. Lately I've been feeling less guilty as if her feelings don't even matter.

Sólo vivir para mantener a mi madre sana, excepto que ahora estoy empezando a preocuparme menos por sus sentimientosNada está mal con mi vida.Siempre he estado increíblemente mimada y todo lo que quería me ha sido entregado.La gente mataría por tener mi vida, excepto que estoy en tanto dolor.Desde el momento en que me despierto cada mañana, todo lo que puedo pensar es en cómo quiero morir.Soy tan miserable tener que vivir que la idea de la nada permanente es la única luz que puedo ver.Quiero morir tan mal pero lo he estado posponiendo por la culpa de saber que voy a estar poniendo a mi madre a través del mismo dolor que estoy experimentando si me muero.Ella me ruega todo el tiempo que no me lastime y me hace prometer que nunca terminaré mi vida.No sé qué hacer más.

Feel stuck in purgatoryI feel so tired of living. Next month can't come soon enough, so that I can finally get it over with.

Me siento atrapado en el purgatorioMe siento tan cansado de vivir.El mes que viene no puede venir lo suficientemente pronto, para que finalmente pueda terminar de una vez.

Always be SPICYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Send memes in chat thing! Pls do! (:

¡Siempre sea SPICYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! ¡Envía memes en la charla!

why do the 80s seem like they were yesterday like dam how tf has it been 40 years already apparently im a 15 year old boomer now... what's wack tho is that it's been 50 years since the 70s, like, how???

¿Por qué los 80 parecen como si fueran ayer como una represa? ¿Cómo han sido los 40 años, aparentemente, de un boomer de 15 años ahora? ¿Cómo es que han pasado 50 años desde los 70, como, ¿cómo??

The worst night I have ever hadCan I please pm someone?

La peor noche que he tenido ¿Puedo complacer a alguien?

In a sort of limboI no longer want to better myself, yet i dont want to die, it feels like purgatory, just me existing, putting on a face, laughing at shit jokes etc, I don't want to go on, yet i dont want to go. I no longer see a point to improvement when i dont feel any better mentally You dont have to reply, but thanks for reading. /vent over

En una especie de limbo ya no quiero mejorarme a mí mismo, sin embargo no quiero morir, se siente como purgatorio, sólo yo existente, poniendo en una cara, riendo de chistes de mierda, etc, no quiero seguir, sin embargo no quiero ir.Ya no veo un punto a mejorar cuando no me siento mejor mentalmente No tienes que responder, pero gracias por leer./ventover

To anybody considering it: please don’t, it gets better. Story inside #longI had a very normal childhood for as much as a little boy could whose father walked out on him at age 7. My mother worked double time and odd jobs just to make ends meet and keep a roof over our heads and food on the table for my little brothers and myself. Graduated HS and went onto college to meet what I thought was the love of my life. I wasn’t a virgin but also hadn’t been w “a lot” of women either, under 4. Anyway, met her and began a 5 year romance and relationship w her. Included graduating college, getting our first apartment together, getting married and having a little girl together. One night in the middle of being dad, I can’t say why this happened only theories. Sleep deprivation, moodiness, problems within the marriage itself, we got physical w each other. Nothing horrible like you always hear about but enough to where she pressed charges and tried to take my daughter from me. She had a bruise on her bicep where I grabbed her, she left nail marks on my neck etc. no blood, no busted bones, no damaged furniture. I was scared, I had lost my wife, my newborn daughter who was only 3 months at the time, my job (because of the local news) printing the allegations, and our apartment lease was up. She moved and took everything we had either bought together or were gifted during the wedding or baby shower. I moved back in w my mother at age 33, after 52 days of trying to be strong and endure the never ending, relentless pain, I made the horrifying decision one night to write my suicide notes and leave my pin # for the debit card, my wedding band and my wallet on the passenger side of my vehicle. I walked to the nearest overpass (about 35 ft) up and sent a goodbye text to my wife and called my brother and let him know that I loved him. I closed my eyes and fell. I hit the cement below w such impact that I knew I was injured pretty bad. I tried to get up and into a standing position and my hip buckled. I then laid under the bridge w oncoming traffic passing me by for the next 6+ hours in 20 degree weather passing in and out of consciousness. My mother knew something was wrong and issued a missing person’s report. The EMTS found me and loaded me up on the gurney. I never screamed so loud in my life, I knew my back was severely messed up when they slid the board underneath me. I was so cold that I didn’t even register a pulse on their machines. I passed out in the ambulance on the way to ICU. My first time waking up, I remember being under what seemed to me at the time; like a giant heated pool cover. They kept me under that for 3 days until I finally stabilized, as well as a back brace to keep my shattered pelvis and hip together. I was administered every two hours w dilaudid into a pic line. It says half life for that medicine was 4 hours but believe me when I tell you it seemed like it wore off so much quicker than that. After 4 days I finally went into emergency surgery where I had a “routine surgery” that should have lasted 2-3 hours go into 5 because of complications. My pelvis was shattered on the right side w an incomplete break of the tailbone, I had a few broken ribs, and two lower lumbar vertebrae shattered in my back. After the surgery my right lung collapsed and I was put onto a rebreather overnight. After a week of recovery mind you still being dosed every 4 hours w this dilaudid (which is equivalence to street heroin) and Barry eating I lost 40 lbs. it took 3 weeks and every level of that hospital to get me back to health. I went from ICU, emergency surgery, recovery and rehab and also behaviors Heath unit (voluntarily signed myself in for a 72 hour hold.) I am now happy to say that incident was over 15 months ago. I got back into the gym and gained my frame and muscle back, and am living a better life now as well. My first ever won is due in June (just before Father’s Day) I guess I just came here to say that I thought it was over and couldn’t get worse, I was wrong. With the right help and support, things will get much better and please value your life. You only get to live it once.

A cualquiera que lo considerara: por favor no, se pone mejor.La historia dentro de #longTenía una infancia muy normal por tanto como un niño pequeño podía cuyo padre lo abandonó a la edad de 7 años.Mi madre trabajó doble tiempo y trabajos extraños sólo para llegar a fin de mes y mantener un techo sobre nuestras cabezas y comida en la mesa para mis hermanos pequeños y yo.Graduado HS y fue a la universidad para cumplir con lo que pensé que era el amor de mi vida.Yo no era virgen pero tampoco había sido "mucho" de las mujeres tampoco, bajo 4.De todos modos, se reunió con ella y comenzó un romance y relación de 5 años con ella.Incluyó la universidad de graduación, conseguir nuestro primer apartamento juntos, casarse y tener una niña juntos.Una noche en medio de ser papá, no puedo decir por qué esto sucedió sólo teorías.Privación del sueño, mal humor, problemas dentro del matrimonio en sí mismo, conseguimos w físico cada uno.Nada horrible como siempre escuchar sobre pero suficiente para donde ella oprimió cargos e intentó tomar mi hija de mí.

Too many bad things keep happening..It’s just like one then another then another then another and I’m getting really close to just giving up it’s not getting better and everything that happens just destroys me more and more I don’t really know how much more I can take...

Demasiadas cosas malas siguen sucediendo..Es justo como uno y luego otro y luego otro y me estoy acercando mucho a simplemente renunciar a que no está mejorando y todo lo que sucede me destruye más y más No sé realmente cuánto más puedo tomar...

I want a hug Not from y'all, from my girlfriend

Quiero un abrazo. No de ustedes, de mi novia.

drunken suicide attempt i cant help how stupid i am it shouldve workedlol i was wondering where all the blood is from but obviously its from when i was trying to get out off the river i was trying to kill myself in by minus degrees im such a dummyyy lol kms

intento de suicidio borracho no puedo ayudar a lo estúpido que soy debería haber trabajadololi se preguntaba de dónde es toda la sangre pero, obviamente, es de cuando estaba tratando de salir del río estaba tratando de suicidarme en menos grados im un tonkyy lol kms

Goodbye reddit. Was okay being with ya. To be honest, reddit has mostly brought me major suffering, which the minor fun times i have had with it does not cancel out. Because of reddit i lost my social life, i joined a community just to leave it as a very well known bad person, and i gained a girlfriend just to get dumped by her. While these may be my errors too of course, i feel like if they weren't started by reddit, and if perhaps it was real life, it wouldn't have gone the same way. So yeah, i'm leaving this account, maybe i'll make a new lurking account if i really want to some day.

Adiós reddit.Fue bien estar con ya.Para ser honesto, reddit me ha traído mayormente un gran sufrimiento, que los momentos de diversión menor que he tenido con él no cancela.Debido a reddit perdí mi vida social, me uní a una comunidad sólo para dejarlo como una persona mala muy bien conocida, y gané una novia sólo para ser dejado por ella.Aunque estos pueden ser mis errores también, por supuesto, me siento como si no fueran iniciados por reddit, y si tal vez era la vida real, no habría ido de la misma manera.Soyeah, estoy dejando esta cuenta, tal vez voy a hacer una nueva cuenta acechando si realmente quiero algún día.

A part of me thinks that I’d look really cute in prison attire I mean, it’s something, right?

Una parte de mí piensa que me vería muy lindo en la ropa de prisión, quiero decir, es algo, ¿verdad?

I can’t keep living like thisI just I’m at a loss of what to do anymore. I’m miserable and I have been most of my life. Nothing makes it better , I’ve tried self help , therapy , faking it till I make it. I’m tired and I just can’t keep doing this. I’m miserable to be around and make everyone around me worse off simply by being in their lives. I’m trying to finish my degree but is there even going to be jobs when I graduate? Will I just be saddled with student debt. Should I drop out and try to find a trade. I just there’s no good answer and I feel like my only way out is by ending it. I’ve never thought I would make it to the age I am now and I just I don’t know what to do? I’ve screwed my life up so royally that I don’t even know if I can come out okay. I just want it to end and not wake up anymore. I’m so tired of having no friends , a toxic family and being told that we need relationships to survive. I know this but I just can’t manage to make them stick and I just I’m tired guys. I’m really tired and I don’t know if I can do this anymore.

No puedo seguir viviendo así, sólo estoy en una pérdida de lo que hacer más. Soy miserable y he sido la mayor parte de mi vida.Nada lo hace mejor, he intentado autoayuda , terapia , fingiendo hasta que lo haga.Estoy cansado y no puedo seguir haciendo esto.Soy miserable por estar alrededor y hacer que todo el mundo a mi alrededor peor simplemente por estar en sus vidas.Estoy tratando de terminar mi título, pero es incluso va a haber trabajos cuando me gradúe?¿Voy a ser simplemente cargado con deuda estudiantil.Debería dejar de lado y tratar de encontrar un comercio.Yo sólo no hay una buena respuesta y me siento como si mi única salida es terminarlo.Nunca he pensado que lo haría a la edad que estoy ahora y no sé qué hacer?He jodido mi vida tan real que ni siquiera sé si puedo salir bien.

I need help. I need to talk and I have nobody to talk to. (I think I might need a psychologist, I have some weird thoughts lastly) I REALLY need people to talk to. . I don’t want to talk to strangers. My friends are all studying and doing high school/colleague things. My family is basically transphobic in every meaning (and this is important for what I need to talk) ... ... ... So yikes. Big big yikes. Guess I’ll just play Minecraft.

Necesito ayuda.Necesito hablar y no tengo a nadie con quien hablar. (Creo que podría necesitar un psicólogo, por último tengo algunos pensamientos extraños) REALMENTE necesito que la gente hable con. .No quiero hablar con extraños.Mis amigos están todos estudiando y haciendo cosas de la escuela secundaria/colega.Mi familia es básicamente transfóbica en cada significado (y esto es importante para lo que necesito hablar) ... ... ...Así que yikes.Big big yikes.Guess Voy a jugar Minecraft.

Peek a boo the meme is you !! ​ https://preview.redd.it/jicu38c6cx361.png?width=792&format=png&auto=webp&s=ddcda939f044dc15aee679e3b902bf6299f13b69

Peek a boo the meme eres tú!!​ https://preview.redd.it/jicu38c6cx361.png?width=792&format=png&auto=webp&s=ddcda939f044dc15aee679e3b902bf6299f13b69

I TOLD MY CRUSH I LIKED HIM THROUGH AN UWU HEART MEME AND HE SAID "I LOVE U" Y A L L I FUCK I AM SO HAPPY- I got out of an abusive relationship Going on almost 4 months now and my crush *who is most definitely my boyfriend now* literally brought back all of my ability to trust and love. I've never been so happy in so long... Can I get a "w" in chat? I'm- it's 5am and I feel CHILLS

Le dije a mi mierda que me gustaba a través de un meme uwu corazón y él dijo "me encanta" Y a l jodo que soy tan feliz- Salí de una relación abusiva Pasando casi 4 meses ahora y mi amor *que es definitivamente mi novio ahora* literalmente trajo de vuelta toda mi capacidad de confiar y amar.Nunca he sido tan feliz en tanto tiempo...¿Puedo tener una "w" en charla?

Realising I'm a lesbian and coming out is the biggest regret in my life.No kid understands sexuality until they hit their teens. I mean, I was boy crazy growing up but I wasn't genuenly into guys, I can just admit one was attractive and I thought that's what sexual orientation was. I didn't know NOTHING. I mean I fantasise about girls and had crushes on them but I didn't realise it. Then I hit 13 years old. Then I started questioning, but I pushed it down and was in deep deep denial and dealt with compulsory heterosexuality because of my homophobic parents. I didn't tell anyone. I mean everyone thought I liked this boy when I was in 5th grade when I didn't, he was just my best friend but even now people still think that I like him when I NEVER did. Everyone just pushed it. Then came around 15 years old. I got into a *very* brief relationship with a dude that literally lasted for 3 days, but we were friends for 1 month beforehand. I didn't like him like that. I thought I did but I didn't, it was just friend feelings but I couldn't tell the difference between the two. Then a few months later I developed a friendship with another dude who had feelings for me, but I couldn't return them at all. And that's when I realised I was crushing on my friend the whole entire time. She was so hot. I loved her. She cared about me. Then boom, I realised I was not entirely straight, but I didn't want to call myself a lesbian, it was terrifying. I told my friends, my mother and brother that I was bi. Everyone took it well except my mom. I wasn't bi, I was just still in denial/in the closet. I'm not bi. I'm not attracted to men. I'm a "gold star" (puke) lesbian at that. Then at 16, I went through really bad depression. I was depressed because I was subconsciously pushing down my feelings. My true feelings. That I was a lesbian. I always was, I just didn't know. After I realised I was gay, I looked back at myself and thought "how didn't I know? It was so clear". Then I came out to my friends again, it was all good. Then I came out to my brother, he told me I might be confused, I didn't blame him. But I wasn't confused and he still did accept me. I still haven't told my mother because she will hate me even more than she does for telling her I was bi. I'm scared to tell her because I don't want her to think I'm lying or that I'll be into men some day because I won't. I'm not fluid. I can't change my sexuality. It ruined my life. Coming out both times. As bi because I lied and fucked myself up even more. As lesbian because I *hate* myself for it. I hate being a lesbian. I'm sick of it. I want to die. I want to end my life because of it. I hate being a lesbian because everyone hates lesbians. The LGBT community and straight people. Everyone. People think lesbians dont exist or that we are sexually fluid or whatever bullshit. Most of us are not. Lesbians are *constantly* pushed aside by the lgbt community and lesbians are oversexualised and invalidated by straight people. I'm alone in this. I mean i have a bi guy friend and he told me to go try some dick because i might like it, when I don't and won't. Im not into men ans that is never foing to change. No one will love me or believe me that I'm not ever going to be into dudes except my friends and maybe my brother. That's it. And I'm slowly losing my friends and I'm eventually going to make new ones and I'm terrified that they'll never accept me. Being a lesbian ruined me as a person, emotionally. I get severe anxiety because of my sexuality to the point where I have to resist the urge to stab myself in the heart to stop it from bearing too much. I'm scared of people don't believe me when I say I'm a lesbian and not bi. I'm very feminine too so it makes it worse. I'm alone. I always will be. I have a demon that I can't escape and I never will no matter how hard I try. The people close to me think I'm ok with it when I'm not and I have no way of telling them I'm not ok about it.

Al darme cuenta de que soy lesbiana y salir es el mayor pesar de mi vida.Ningún niño entiende la sexualidad hasta que llega a su adolescencia.Quiero decir, yo era un chico loco al crecer pero no me gustaban los chicos, sólo puedo admitir que uno era atractivo y pensé que eso era la orientación sexual.No sabía nada.Quiero decir que fantaseaba con las chicas y me gustaban, pero no me di cuenta.Luego llegué a 13 años de edad.Entonces empecé a cuestionarlo, pero lo hice y estaba profundamente negado y traté con la heterosexualidad obligatoria por mis padres homofóbicos.No se lo dije a nadie.Me refiero a que todo el mundo pensó que me gustaba este chico cuando estaba en 5o grado cuando no lo hice, él era mi mejor amigo, pero incluso ahora la gente todavía piensa que me gusta cuando nunca lo hice.Todos lo hicieron.Entonces llegué a los 15 años.Me di cuenta de que me gustaba este chico cuando estaba en 5o grado cuando no lo hice.

Great. Awesome. I still want to die.I hit my goal weight. Below it, actually. I've officially lost 50.2 pounds since January and I'm really proud of myself. I promised my boyfriend that I'd at least make some sort of attempt to recover since I got to this point, because I'm actually underweight now with a BMI of 18.1, and I've increased my intake to 900 calories a day. Now he's ignoring me. Like I'm not worth paying attention to if I don't need to be persuaded to eat. It's horrible and shitty and manipulative of me to be thinking this way but now that I'm trying to get better I haven't heard a peep out of him. When I was starving myself he was constantly checking up on me. Even at this weight, I still feel fat. I'm 25 pounds away from my ultimate goal weight. I kind of just want to keep losing and see what happens, but I also just want to die and give up and be done. I'm tired. Maybe I should keep losing. Maybe I should keep going until there's no more fat to lose and my body starts eating its own muscles to survive and I die in my sleep of heart failure. The good ol' anorexic death. I know I'd love getting to that point and it would be painless, the hard part is just staying alive long enough to die of natural causes instead of shooting myself in the fucking face or jumping off the nearest bridge.

Genial.Asombroso.Todavía quiero morir.He alcanzado el peso de mi meta.Debajo de él, en realidad.He perdido oficialmente 50.2 libras desde enero y estoy muy orgulloso de mí mismo.Prometí a mi novio que al menos haría algún tipo de intento de recuperarme desde que llegué a este punto, porque ahora estoy bajo de peso con un IMC de 18.1, y he aumentado mi ingesta a 900 calorías al día.Ahora me está ignorando.Como no me vale la pena prestar atención a si no necesito ser persuadido para comer.Es horrible y de mierda y manipulador de mí estar pensando de esta manera, pero ahora que estoy tratando de conseguir mejor no he escuchado un poco de él.Cuando me estaba muriendo de hambre él estaba constantemente comprobando en mí.Incluso en este peso, todavía me siento gorda.Estoy a 25 libras de mi peso final.Yo no quiero seguir perdiendo y ver lo que sucede.

Tis I once again! I seem to be getting very **popular** here, and by that I mean nobody knows me at all :,) just saying that I am- still alive, and that I am about to have more comment karma then post karma- is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Parece que me estoy volviendo muy **popular** aquí, y con eso quiero decir que nadie me conoce en absoluto :,) sólo diciendo que estoy- todavía vivo, y que estoy a punto de tener más comentarios karma entonces post karma - es eso una cosa buena o una cosa mala?

They are among us Help... There is an imposter at my school, the powers been out for about an hour and everyones been kinda sus. This isn't good. How do I call an emergency meeting at school?

Están entre nosotros Ayuda...Hay un impostor en mi escuela, los poderes han estado fuera por cerca de una hora y todos han estado un poco sus.Esto no es bueno.¿Cómo puedo llamar a una reunión de emergencia en la escuela?

I’m so scared. I think someone really close to me is developing an eating disorder and I can’t do anything about it. I’m so worried, but he won’t talk to me. And I don’t think he wants help. I’m so afraid he’ll do something.

Estoy muy asustada.Creo que alguien muy cercano a mí está desarrollando un trastorno alimenticio y no puedo hacer nada al respecto.Estoy muy preocupada, pero no me hablará.Y no creo que quiera ayuda.Tengo tanto miedo de que haga algo.

Just want some supportI'm in the middle of a very rough week. I have severe chronic depression and equally severe anxiety. A few things happened between me, my partner, and my friends (all separate incidents). Even though its been resolved, I went back to self harm, something I havent done in years and I'm now slipping back into a pit of suicidal thoughts I'm afraid I'll act on. Normally, I can move past these thoughts, but this is the worst I've been and I don't trust myself anymore. I don't have a plan, but I'm considering it. I just want encouragement from someone I don't know because I'm afraid of messing it up with the people I care about.

Sólo quiero un poco de apoyoEstoy en medio de una semana muy dura.Tengo depresión crónica severa y ansiedad igualmente severa.Algunas cosas pasaron entre mí, mi pareja y mis amigos (todos los incidentes separados).A pesar de que se resolvió, volví al auto daño, algo que no he hecho en años y ahora estoy cayendo de nuevo en un pozo de pensamientos suicidas me temo que voy a actuar en.Normalmente, puedo moverme más allá de estos pensamientos, pero esto es lo peor que he sido y ya no confío en mí mismo.No tengo un plan, pero lo estoy considerando.Solo quiero el aliento de alguien que no conozco porque tengo miedo de meterme con las personas que me importan.

The "please live for me" is such bullshit and selfish from other people's part...Why should I? You won't be able to solve my endless suffering. Its endless suffering on my part and you're just being selfish to tell me to live for yourself.

El "por favor, vive para mí" es una mierda y egoísta por parte de otras personas... ¿Por qué debería?No podrás resolver mi sufrimiento sin fin.Es sufrimiento sin fin por mi parte y sólo estás siendo egoísta para decirme que viva para ti mismo.

Love everyone but hate myselfI love life and people but the way I interact with both is not appropriate. I can't connect to anyone or anything anymore, not for the last five years. Medication does not help with being alone all the time. I miss having friends and feeling like anything I did mattered. I've been in the hospital enough times to know they can't do anything for me there other than sink me into bankruptcy. I have no hope and no reason to live. I'm just barely existing as it is. I feel pathetic and I know I come across that way to other people. I wish everyone the best and just think they're better off without me. I want to connect to others but would not wish me on anyone else. I've been stuck in this same room staring at these walls since last December. I'm pretty much ready to be done with this shit. I've started over so many times and failed again and again. There is just something wrong with me or my soul or something. . . I don't want to say cursed, but I think I'm just bad luck or something.

No puedo conectarme con nadie ni con nada más, no durante los últimos cinco años.El medicamento no ayuda a estar solo todo el tiempo.Echo de menos tener amigos y sentirme como si nada que haya importado.He estado en el hospital suficientes veces para saber que no pueden hacer nada por mí allí aparte de hundirme en bancarrota.No tengo esperanza ni razón para vivir.Estoy apenas existiendo como es.Me siento patético y sé que he cruzado ese camino con otras personas.Les deseo a todos lo mejor y simplemente creo que están mejor sin mí.Quiero conectarme con otros pero no me gustaría estar con nadie más.He estado atrapado en esta misma habitación mirando a estas paredes desde diciembre pasado.Estoy bastante listo para ser hecho con esta mierda.He empezado muchas veces y he fallado una y otra vez.Hay algo malo en mí o en mi alma o algo. . .No quiero decir maldecir, pero creo que soy mala suerte o algo.

Social experiment People will like this because this is nothing and has no reason what so ever

Experimento social A la gente le gustará esto porque esto no es nada y no tiene ninguna razón.

I’m thinking of doing it in the next few daysI tried to reach out for help and everyone I came to closed the door in my face. I think this might be my last cry for help. No one likes me or will even talk to me. I have always tried to be kind to everyone and I don’t understand why they feel this way about me. The people I thought were my friends don’t even like me. My life is in shambles and I don’t have the strength to go on anymore. I kept going for my family but that will is running out.

Estoy pensando en hacerlo en los próximos días.Traté de buscar ayuda y todos vinieron a cerrar la puerta en mi cara.Creo que este podría ser mi último grito de ayuda.A nadie le gusto ni siquiera hablaré conmigo.Siempre he tratado de ser amable con todos y no entiendo por qué se sienten así por mí.La gente que pensé que eran mis amigos ni siquiera me gusta.Mi vida está en ruinas y ya no tengo la fuerza para seguir adelante.Seguí yendo por mi familia pero eso se está acabando.

kinda sad no one has talked to me today 😀 like i had orientation at my job today and that was kinda exciting but it just sucks cause i haven’t heard from any of my friends or my girlfriend i do be feeling alone

Un poco triste nadie me ha hablado hoy como si tuviera orientación en mi trabajo de hoy y que era un poco emocionante, pero sólo apesta porque no he oído de ninguno de mis amigos o mi novia se siente solo

Afraid of MyselfI'm 26, and I've been struggling with depression since my late teens. When it got really bad the first time, I smoked a lot of pot. I spent years in a haze before moving back home. A couple years after moving back, I finally got on drugs that worked, and attempted to go back to University. Things were great until I experienced something called an "SSRI poopout". My drugs stopped working. It's been a few months now, and the first new drug I tried only made me feel worse. I'm waiting for the second new one to kick in now, but my hope is minimal. When I'm thinking clearly, suicide is far from an option. Logically, I know that I'm going to find another drug that works and things will get better. Lately though, I haven't been thinking clearly. I'm so tired of being depressed. I'm tired of not being able to function in society without medication. I'm tired of being tired. Worst of all, since the drugs stopped working once, it can happen again. It's hard to have hope knowing that I may have to face this struggle again and again and again. When I'm feeling logical, suicide is never an option. Lately, though, my mind wanders to such terrifying thoughts, and in the moment... My mother is concerned, she knows someone who recently, when changing depression meds, killed himself seemingly out of nowhere. I told her I would never, but her concern reminded me of moments... scary moments. The last time it felt like a real option I frightened myself out of those thoughts, but what if next time there's less fear and more exhaustion? I should tell my therapist or my psychiatrist, but in the clear light of day it seems silly. Why would I do that? I fear death more than anything. But then I have these thoughts and... sometimes... I'm afraid of what I might do. I keep telling myself that it's silly, that I would never go through with it, and yet... I don't know.

Miedo de mí mismoTengo 26 años y he estado luchando contra la depresión desde mi adolescencia.Cuando se puso muy mal la primera vez, fumé mucha hierba.Pasé años en una neblina antes de volver a casa.Un par de años después de mudarme de vuelta, finalmente tomé drogas que funcionaban y traté de volver a la universidad.Las cosas fueron geniales hasta que experimenté algo llamado "poopout SSRI".Mis drogas dejaron de funcionar.Ya han pasado unos meses, y la primera droga nueva que intenté solo me hizo sentir peor.Estoy esperando a que la segunda droga nueva entrara ahora, pero mi esperanza es mínima.Cuando estoy pensando claramente, el suicidio está lejos de una opción.Logicamente, sé que voy a encontrar otra droga que funcione y las cosas mejorarán.Sin embargo, últimamente no he estado pensando con claridad.Estoy cansado de estar deprimido.Estoy cansado de volver a tener una opción.Estoy cansado de no poder funcionar en la sociedad sin medicación.Estoy cansado de encontrar otra droga que funcione y las cosas mejorarán.

Anyone wanna chat I am kinda down rn? Just hmu my dms are open

¿Alguien quiere charlar que estoy un poco abajo rn?Sólo hmu mis dms están abiertos

Demons in my head: A fucked up family sagaSooo, first if all this is a throw away account, because shit is about to be dark. Maybe read at your own warning (ill be mentioning sexual assault) . This is a collection of short anecdotes regarding my family cus my brain is too scrambled to be completely cohesive. Its things that happened and have made me want to end my life, fighting through it is getting exhausted. I fantasized at slitting my wrist tonight. I keep thinking about dying more and more, a part of me still doesnt want to make it end because Ive worked so hard to try and get away from it all. Also its long but its all my demons. The stuff Ive never told anyone: My mother used to physically and emotionally abuse me as a child. She ran off and was always in and out of my life. I always felt like somethibgt was wrong with, my own mother couldn’t even love me. I had fucked up thoughts and emotions as a child. One time after she hit me I wondered “how my own mother could do this”. I dont know much about my mother. My eldest brother. He gained behaviors from my mom, and used to hit us too (after we didnt live with my mother). I dont blame him really, he got the worst of it. He has his own issues... My older brother. The monster who terrorized me as a child. Who stole money from me growing up. The sick FUCK WHO STOLE MY INNOCENCE. My older brother moleted me as a small child, and I didnt even know it as a time. I feel disgusting and like I cant tell anybody, i feel like a fucking freak. I didnt know better, and now I just feel so dirty. And im scared to tell anyone, because thats not normal. Thats one of the worst things, oh and I had to still live with him for 18 years. That fucking sucked. A court case was brought and my brother was removed from the house for a bit, but it was dropped. I dont know what happened. I don’t remember what happened. But i guess its a sick family secret. I honestly cant remember if my dad knew, I think my mom knew. I cant be for certain because that time is blank in my memory. My dad. The reason why my life is shitty now. Hes an alcoholic, who got dui’s with me in the car as a small child. He would pick me up drunk (as I got older and could realize it) and I would be drunk. He would drive wrecklessly, and I fear my life. He got busted for selling weed a long time ago. He mooched off my grandma his entire life. He had his own cars, room, boats, vacations , and everything. He way a stay at home dad (whichh i could understand for when we were younger ) but I don’t remember him ever working in my life (im in the college age range). He had all these things but expects me to pay for a college, pay for school, and pay him rent (which is a new thing happening. He yells at me, after I work a full time job and Im doing fulltime summer school. He sits on his as and smokes weed all day, and I come home from a long day to only be yelled at. Ive never felt support from him. He never would come to my sporting events, or would miss concerts. Thats my dad. My beloved grandmother, she passed recently. She was my only light, and the sad thing is I didnt even realize it at the time. She was my rock. She was the reason I had a roof over my head. She showed me love, as a small child I acted out ( I think I had some attachment issues). I used to feel weird getting hugged, I hated being touched I wasn’t used to it. But as I grew older I grew closer and let go of this. I tried to do whatever I could for her when I realiZed how amazing she was. The worst thing I ever had to deal with was being by her death bead. He last words were “I love you”. She struggled getting that out because the doctors doped her up.. you have to be a beautiful human to struggle to get out one last I love you. Ever since she has been gone, my world hasnt been the same. I dont know if it ever will be the same... Emotionally and financially. She worked into her 80s to support her gran babies, and Ill forever be greatful.I miss you so much grandma. To my baby sister, she has a short temper. But I think that because when she was a baby (& i was a toddler) is when our family began to fall apart. Or at least thats what I hear from stories. My mom took us away for a time period and she actually worked. So that left us with sitters ( I dont really remember this period). But psychologist say temperament is formed from early child hood and can be reflective of parental styling. She yells at me a lot, that doesnt really help things. Typing all of this out makes me slightly relieved. Because its all out there. The things I could never tell anyone, not even psychologists / psychiatrists. But all this makes me wanna quit trying, Im lost, I dont kniw what to do. I dont feel any emotional support. I know living situations could be worse, but Im just overwhelmed how im expected to do it all. I dont know if I can do it all. My dad has mooched his entire life, and now I have to pay for it? i wish I never would’ve been fucking convinced if this is what I was born for

Demonios en mi cabeza: Una maldita saga familiarSoo, primero si todo esto es una cuenta de desecho, porque la mierda está a punto de ser oscura.Tal vez lea en su propia advertencia (tal vez mencionar asalto sexual) .Esta es una colección de anécdotas cortas con respecto a mi familia cus mi cerebro está demasiado revuelto para estar completamente cohesionado.Sus cosas que pasaron y me han hecho querer acabar con mi vida, luchando a través de ella se está agotando.Fantasé con cortarme la muñeca esta noche.Seguí pensando en morir más y más, una parte de mí todavía no quiere terminar porque he trabajado tan duro para tratar y alejarme de todo.También su largo pero todos mis demonios.Las cosas que nunca le he dicho a nadie: Mi madre solía abusar física y emocionalmente de mí como un niño.Ella se fue y siempre estaba dentro y fuera de mi vida.Siempre me sentí como algo que no podía hacer.

Not even gonna lie bro Im straight but S4 eren yeager is pretty hot 🤤

Ni siquiera va a mentir hermano Im recta pero S4 eren yeager es bastante caliente

My dog not knowing what happened to me is the only thing stopping meNew to this so I hope my post is okay I just needed to say something to someone

Mi perro no saber lo que me pasó es lo único que me detiene.Espero que mi post esté bien. Sólo necesitaba decirle algo a alguien.

I have the urge but not the strengthSo I'll be 18 in a few weeks, and for the whole week I'll be home alone. Want to celebrate my 18 B-day by just taking a bunch of speed, maybe Xanax, ecstacy, and maybe acid. Wondering if that's enough to just end it.

Tengo el impulso pero no la fuerza Así que tendré 18 años en unas pocas semanas, y durante toda la semana estaré solo en casa.Quieres celebrar mi día de 18 B con sólo tomar un montón de velocidad, tal vez Xanax, éxtasis, y tal vez ácido.

We getting treated with entertainment this March ong Snyder cut 4 hour long movie 🍿 the falcon and the winter soldier tv show episodes every Friday then Godzilla vs kong omg 😱

Nos tratan con entretenimiento este marzo ong Snyder corte de 4 horas de largo película el halcón y el invierno soldado programas de televisión episodios todos los viernes entonces Godzilla vs kong omg

dunno who to talk to abt this because my friends are asleep, but i’ve just been really sad and tired the past few days the past 3 nights i’ve passed out in the clothes i wore to school because i haven’t had the energy to change or shower. i feel like i’m going back into a depression episode, which fucking sucks because the last one lasted like a year and a half i don’t know how to ask without sounding really pathetic, but would someone be ok with talking with me or something?

No sé a quién hablar con Abt esto porque mis amigos están dormidos, pero he estado muy triste y cansado los últimos días los últimos 3 noches me he desmayado con la ropa que llevaba a la escuela porque no he tenido la energía para cambiar o ducharme. Siento que voy a volver a un episodio de depresión, que mierda apesta porque el último duró como un año y medio no sé cómo preguntar sin sonar realmente patético, pero alguien estaría de acuerdo con hablar conmigo o algo?

Is there anyone else that stopp their blood going to their head? Is there anybody that stopp their blood going to their head by holding hard pressure over the arteries going to their brain? For me it gives me a feeling of not really being anywhere. It feels like it is just me and lots of emptiness. I also loos feeling in other parts of my body. I was just wondering if it is just me or if it is others that do it too, and to hear if it is safe?

¿Hay alguien más que detenga su sangre yendo a su cabeza?¿Hay alguien que detenga su sangre yendo a su cabeza manteniendo una fuerte presión sobre las arterias que van a su cerebro?Para mí me da una sensación de no estar realmente en ninguna parte.Se siente como si fuera sólo yo y un montón de vacío.También me siento mal en otras partes de mi cuerpo.Me preguntaba si es sólo yo o si son otros los que lo hacen también, y escuchar si es seguro?

Completely fucking brokenSomething bad happened to me last night. I don't think it's something I can get over. I've been suicidal for a while but I think this is it. I just feel awful. I could hve prevebted it.

Completamente rotoAlgo malo me pasó anoche.No creo que sea algo que pueda superar.He sido suicida por un tiempo pero creo que esto es todo.Me siento horrible.Podría haberlo prevebted.

Found the right place where I can kill myselfI have nowhere to hang off of, so I have a belt around the leg of my table. When the time is right I’ll off myself. I had a break down the other day and called an estranged close friend, as soon as I heard her voice say “hello” I hung and was kicking myself for being so stupid. I don’t know who to turn to, I’ve never not been sad all the time so I’ve become something of a burden. I just bottle shit up now, my mom thinks I’m better now, she just hears what she wants to. I feel so empty, this isn’t as emotional as my usual posts, I just feel so numb. I’m just gonna leave a note telling a few people I’m sorry, including my mom. She was in tears when I was locked in a ward for attempting suicide. Anyways, that’s all, I found my suicide spot. I find it genuinely relaxing that it’s always an option

Encontré el lugar correcto donde puedo suicidarme.No tengo ningún lugar donde colgar, así que tengo un cinturón alrededor de la pierna de mi mesa.Cuando es el momento correcto me voy a matar a mí mismo.Tuve una ruptura el otro día y llamé a un amigo cercano separado, tan pronto como escuché su voz decir “hola” me colgué y me estaba pateando por ser tan estúpida.No sé a quién acudir, nunca he estado triste todos los tiempos me he convertido en algo de una carga.Ahora solo embotello mierda, mi mamá piensa que estoy mejor ahora, ella sólo oye lo que quiere.Me siento tan vacía, esto no es tan emocional como mis posts habituales, me siento tan entumecida.Solo voy a dejar una nota diciendo a algunas personas que lo siento, incluyendo a mi mamá.Estaba llorando cuando estaba encerrada en una sala para intentar suicidarme.De todos modos, eso es todo, encontré mi lugar de suicidio.Me parece genuinamente relajante que siempre es una opción.

Nothing takes the pain awayI've taken meds...became religous and even bought self help books but absolutely nothing takes away the emotional pain. I'm a loser. I work a pointless Government job, I'm in debt, can't get a date. Have zero friends. My family won't talk to me. No significant other nothing. What the hell can I do?

Nada quita el dolorMe he tomado medicinas...me he convertido en religioso e incluso comprado libros de autoayuda, pero absolutamente nada quita el dolor emocional.Soy un perdedor.Trabajo en un trabajo de gobierno sin sentido, estoy en deuda, no puedo conseguir una cita.Tengo cero amigos.Mi familia no me habla.No hay otra nada importante.¿Qué demonios puedo hacer?

Pills before sleepFor the past week or so i’ve been taking random pills i can find before sleeping in hope that i don’t wake up. yesterday i took 800mg of propranolol and felt like i was on the verge of death. gonna take the rest of my pills tonight (about 1200mg) hopefully that will do the trick :)

Píldoras antes de dormirDurante la semana pasada o así que he estado tomando pastillas al azar que puedo encontrar antes de dormir con la esperanza de que no me despierte.ayer tomé 800 mg de propranolol y sentí que estaba al borde de la muerte.gonna tomar el resto de mis píldoras esta noche (alrededor de 1200mg) con suerte que hará el truco :)

Star Wars music somehow helps me focus when studying/doing homework As the title implies, Star Wars music has surprisingly been helping me focus a lot better when studying or doing homework. Prior to using this, I would just listen to the music that I normally listen to while doing work. But recently I found that I was not doing so well while listening to it anymore. I already know that music with lyrics or something will not be as good for helping you focus but it used to be totally fine for me. Some people use video game music because it is designed to help you keep focus on the game, but I just found that Star Wars music was just really nostalgic and helped me maintain focus for a longer period of time. Anyways that was my first post in this subreddit so thank you for listening to my TED talk :)

La música de Star Wars de alguna manera me ayuda a centrarme al estudiar/hacer los deberes Como el título lo indica, la música de Star Wars me ha estado ayudando sorprendentemente a centrarme mucho mejor al estudiar o hacer los deberes.Antes de usar esto, solo escuchaba la música que normalmente escucho mientras hago el trabajo.Pero recientemente me di cuenta de que no lo estaba haciendo tan bien mientras lo escuchaba más.Ya sé que la música con letras o algo no será tan bueno para ayudarte a concentrarte, pero solía estar totalmente bien para mí.Algunas personas usan música de videojuegos porque está diseñada para ayudarte a mantener el foco en el juego, pero acabo de descubrir que la música de Star Wars era realmente nostálgica y me ayudó a mantener el foco durante un período más largo de tiempo.De todos modos, ese fue mi primer post en este subreddit, así que gracias por escuchar mi charla TED :)

Is it just me or.. Do you just get super sad when hearing bad things about dogs or cats. It makes me feel terrible and sad and I wanna give that person a hug ( idk why I'm posting this, prob everyone gets sad unless you dont like dogs or cats)

Es sólo yo o..¿Te pones súper triste al escuchar cosas malas sobre perros o gatos.Me hace sentir terrible y triste y quiero darle un abrazo a esa persona (idk por qué estoy publicando esto, prob todo el mundo se entristece a menos que no te gusten los perros o gatos)

Apple choose worst possible time to introduce face ID... it is epic feature, but masks kinda mess it up... I got love-hate reletionship with face ID

Apple elegir el peor momento posible para introducir cara ID ... es característica épica, pero las máscaras un poco desordenado para arriba ... Tengo relación amor-odio con cara ID

i have less than 24 hourslast human thing i did was file taxes months ago then, lost everyone coped with a bottle a day lost everything missed a court date violating probation, lost the job, the apartment, and was too degenerate to apply for insurance now sitting 2 minutes away from an ER in case. hands shaking nonstop and just feeling the day 2 seizure/stroke threats coming (last two withdrawals were bad and each gets worse) if/when i walk into the ER with no health insurance, crippling costs debt and detention, or death really considering not walking through those doors and taking a bridge not to belittle anyone else, but i wish i had some of the problems here that are just a single breakup i hope you all have a fantastic life. goodbye

Tengo menos de 24 horas la última cosa humana que hice fue presentar impuestos hace meses entonces, perdió a todo el mundo lidiado con una botella un día perdió todo perdido una fecha de la corte violando la libertad condicional, perdió el trabajo, el apartamento, y era demasiado degenerado para solicitar un seguro ahora sentado a 2 minutos de una sala de emergencias en caso.manos temblando sin parar y sólo sentir el día 2 amenazas de ataque / golpe que vienen (últimos dos retiros fueron malos y cada uno se pone peor) si / cuando entro en Urgencias sin seguro de salud, paralizando costos de deuda y detención, o muerte realmente considerando no caminar a través de esas puertas y tomar un puente no para menospreciar a nadie más, pero me gustaría tener algunos de los problemas aquí que son sólo una ruptura espero que todos tienen una vida fantástica.

Does anyone other than my 12 followers recognise me? Yh I kinda knew that Enjoy your day/night. :)

¿Alguien más que mis 12 seguidores me reconoce?Yo sabía que disfrutar de su día / noche.:)

I made a presentation about how my dreamjob was being a terrorist Pilot. So when i was in the first or second class we had to make a poster about our dream jobs. I wanted to be a pilot and when we went to the library to get books about our jobs i took one which was about dangerous jobs because it had military Pilots in it. So I read the part about Pilots and then looked further and found Terrorist. I thought it looked cool so I did what was natural. I put them together and had a presentation in front of the class and my teacher about how my dream job was to be a terrorist Pilot. TLDR: We had to make a poster about our dream job and I saw a page about terrorists so I made the poster about Terrorist Pilots.

Hice una presentación sobre cómo mi trabajo de ensueño era ser un piloto terrorista.Así que cuando estaba en la primera o segunda clase tuvimos que hacer un póster sobre nuestros trabajos de ensueño.Quería ser piloto y cuando fuimos a la biblioteca para conseguir libros sobre nuestros trabajos tomé uno que era sobre trabajos peligrosos porque tenía pilotos militares en él.Así que leí la parte sobre Pilotos y luego miré más allá y encontré Terrorista.Pensé que parecía genial así que hice lo que era natural.Los puse juntos y tuve una presentación delante de la clase y mi profesor sobre cómo mi trabajo de ensueño era ser un piloto terrorista.TLDR:Teníamos que hacer un cartel sobre nuestro trabajo de ensueño y vi una página sobre terroristas así que hice el cartel sobre Pilotos de ensueño.

Ayo what these ads doing Lets just say, i got an ad while browsing on safari from something thats on my pinterest thats made from a throwaway email account. My insta gives me advertisements from youtube and reddit. If i get ads from what i search on duckduckgo im dead. How do i delete all this shit. I dont want people knowing what i do i want to wank in peace without ads following me and knowing what i watch.

Ayo lo que hacen estos anuncios Digamos, tengo un anuncio mientras navegaba en safari de algo que está en mi interés que está hecho de una cuenta de correo electrónico de lanzamiento.Mi insta me da anuncios de youtube y reddit.Si consigo anuncios de lo que busco en patoduckgo im dead.How borre toda esta mierda.No quiero que la gente sepa lo que hago quiero masturbarme en paz sin anuncios siguiéndome y sabiendo lo que veo.

Vote for Pedro! Follow Up So earlier this week I made a post about me putting up posters from the movie *Napolean Dynamite.* Post linked [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/jar5vs/vote_for_pedro/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Sadly, they have been taken down. But no one knows who took them down. I suspect the counselor, because my parents are good friends with the principal and he thought the idea was funny so it wasn’t him. I didn’t go to school today ‘cause I was feeling sick, but I plan to put more up.

Vote por Pedro!Seguir Así que a principios de esta semana hice un post sobre mí colocando carteles de la película *Napolean Dynamite.*Post linked [aquí.](https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/jar5vs/vote_for_pedro/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)Desafortunadamente, han sido derribados.Pero nadie sabe quién los derribó.Sospecho que el consejero, porque mis padres son buenos amigos del director y pensó que la idea era graciosa, así que no fue él.Hoy no fui a la escuela porque me sentía enfermo, pero planeo poner más.

I am genuinely scared right now that I’ll kill myself someday.It’s just so sad. I’ll die without accomplishing anything in life, while other than disappointing others. I just can’t deal with this right now for some reason. I am going to kill myself, like really die. I just don’t know. I would miss out on so many things, not that I have missed out my almost whole childhood but I would actually never get to be better person, someone liked by everyone, someone successful. I’ll be just another suicidal person-dead. I’ll be dead. Everyone would blame themselves instead of blaming me. I’ll be dead.

Estoy realmente asustado en este momento de que me voy a matar algún día.Es tan triste.Moriré sin lograr nada en la vida, mientras que aparte de decepcionar a otros.Simplemente no puedo lidiar con esto ahora mismo por alguna razón.Voy a matarme a mí mismo, como si realmente muriera.No lo sé.Me perdería tantas cosas, no que me haya perdido casi toda mi infancia, pero en realidad nunca llegaría a ser mejor persona, alguien que le guste a todos, alguien que tenga éxito.Seré otra persona suicida-muerta.Estaré muerto.Todos se culparían a sí mismos en lugar de culparme.Estaré muerto.

i made a minecraft texture pack its pink. it looks fucking sick (its a mix of Nue pink by Looshy and Acidic Blitzz magenta)

Hice un paquete de textura minecraft su rosa.it parece jodidamente enfermo (es una mezcla de Nue rosa por Looshiy y Acidic Blitzz magenta)

i am now accepting brain transplant applications (TW) i was just playing minecraft and watching twitch and my brain just went “i don’t want to be alive” and i about offed myself, any takers?

Ahora estoy aceptando aplicaciones de transplante de cerebro (TW) Yo sólo estaba jugando minecraft y viendo el tic y mi cerebro simplemente se fue “no quiero estar vivo” y me abandoné a mí mismo, cualquier tomadores?

Can someone help me with homework please [here are the problems ](https://imgur.com/gallery/tsNopVE) due in like two hours. Anything helps

¿Puede alguien ayudarme con la tarea por favor [aquí están los problemas] (https://imgur.com/gallery/tsNopVE) en dos horas.Cualquier cosa ayuda

B-Day Eyy, I just became a teenager! Clap for me! Do it! CLAP!

¡Día B Eyy, me acabo de convertir en un adolescente!¡Aplaude por mí!¡Hazlo!¡CLAP!

Something Pretty Darn Crazy Happened Today... I got out of bed and had a medicore day at work, woohoo. I've been single for 3 months now. Glad to see everyone else is finding love.

Algo muy loco pasó hoy... Me levanté de la cama y tuve un día de medicina en el trabajo, woohoo.He estado soltero por 3 meses ahora.Me alegro de ver que todos los demás están encontrando el amor.

damn i must have been in outer space cuz now im back after like 15 minutes it’s been 20 years on earth

Maldita sea, debo haber estado en el espacio exterior porque ahora vuelvo después de 15 minutos. Han pasado 20 años en la tierra.

Minecraft music is already so nostalgic imagine how nostalgic it will be after 40 years. Bruhhhhhhhhhhhjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Filler filler Filler

La música de Minecraft ya es tan nostálgica imagina lo nostálgica que será después de 40 años.Bruhhhhhhhhjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I dont want to kms but I don’t see the point of being aliveI am a 15 male and I truly dont see the point of me living. All I do is take up space and resources that other people need. I am not anyone special in any way. I get average grades, have an average house with an average family. I have no point in being alive I likely won’t ever contribute to society as a mediocre person with mediocre intelligence and mediocre talent in literally anything I do. The only people that would miss me is my family. The friends I have mostly keep me around for answers on hw and the make jokes at my expense. The crappy part of my life is my (sometimes) asshole dad. The hardest part is not being able to talk to anyone because my life doesn’t sound that bad but it sucks. All I am is a mediocre person that is a waste of space

No quiero hacer kms, pero no veo el punto de estar vivo.Soy un macho de 15 años y realmente no veo el punto de mi vida.Todo lo que hago es ocupar espacio y recursos que otras personas necesitan.No soy nadie especial de ninguna manera.Obtengo calificaciones promedio, tengo una casa promedio con una familia promedio.No tengo ningún punto en estar vivo, probablemente nunca voy a contribuir a la sociedad como una persona mediocre con inteligencia mediocre y talento mediocre en literalmente cualquier cosa que hago.La única gente que me echaría de menos es mi familia.Los amigos que me han mantenido en la mayoría de los casos por las respuestas en hw y las bromas a mis expensas.La parte mala de mi vida es mi (a veces) papá imbécil.La parte más difícil es no poder hablar con nadie porque mi vida no suena tan mala pero apesta.Todo lo que soy es una persona mediocre que es un desperdicio de espacio.

I can now Rest that I finally have a good playlist 😌😌😌 im gonna head to eternal sleep. See y’all or not idk

Ahora puedo descansar que finalmente tengo una buena lista de reproducción im va a ir a sueño eterno.Ver todos ustedes o no idk

Calling all Tech Nerds here! Hello, world! I'm looking for people here that are tech nerds, and want to unite with someone! This is probably an unusual post here, but I really want some nerd buddies to talk to! If you want, PM me and we can get to know each other! If you're interested in other nerd stuff as well, I'm up to hear about that! Don't be afraid to shoot a message, I don't bite! :D

Llamar a todos los nerds de la tecnología aquí!Hola, mundo!Estoy buscando gente aquí que son nerds de la tecnología, y quieren unirse con alguien!Este es probablemente un post inusual aquí, pero realmente quiero que algunos amigos nerd para hablar!Si usted quiere, PM mí y podemos llegar a conocernos!Si usted está interesado en otras cosas nerd también, estoy listo para escuchar sobre eso!No tenga miedo de disparar un mensaje, no muerdo! :D

After committing suicide.If you believe in an afterlife, what do you think happens next? Will we be punished? I have read many NDEs and I am really curious. I wish I could assure myself that it will be ok. I know my family will be okay without me. Just need to know that after will be ok, and that the 9mm to the grapefruit wont hurt..

Después de cometer suicidio.Si usted cree en una vida después de la muerte, ¿qué crees que sucede a continuación?¿Seremos castigados?He leído muchas ECM y tengo mucha curiosidad.Ojalá pudiera asegurarme que estará bien.Sé que mi familia estará bien sin mí.Sólo necesito saber que después estará bien, y que el 9mm a la toronja no dolerá.

Unapproachable parentsI've been trying so hard the past month to improve my life in lots of different aspects whether it's hygiene, my diet, how I think, how I interact with others, etc, but the same suicidal thoughts remain. I sit in my room trying my hardest to distract my mind, and when I need help with something naturally I try and talk to my mother about it. Every time I attempt to talk to her or ask a simple question she either shuts me down entirely and dismisses it or answers my questions with more questions I can't answer. I struggle with speaking and sometimes I just freeze/tear up, so I have all these thoughts and feelings I want to express but they're trapped inside of my head. I want to call her an inconsiderate unapproachable bitch but I don't do that. I want to shout as loud as possible and run my fist through a wall but I don't do that either. I sit here and stew forever. I'm growing to despise my family the more time passes. They're even more dull and boring than I am with my depression. I want to magically make a big stack of money appear in front of me, move far away and not speak to them ever again or for a very long time at least. I want to smash my head against a wall until I forget who I am or until I die. I want to tie a noose and hang there asphyxiating. I want everything to go black as I go unconscious forever. And then I slap myself in my face as hard as I can with both hands to snap myself out of those thoughts and I carry on trying to better myself. I'm crying so hard as I write this. Why won't it stop, please help.

Me he estado esforzando tanto el mes pasado para mejorar mi vida en muchos aspectos diferentes, ya sea higiene, dieta, cómo pienso, cómo interacciono con otros, etc., pero los mismos pensamientos suicidas permanecen.Me siento en mi habitación tratando más de distraer mi mente, y cuando necesito ayuda con algo naturalmente trato de hablar con mi madre al respecto.Cada vez que intento hablar con ella o le hago una pregunta simple, ella me cierra por completo y la rechaza o responde a mis preguntas con más preguntas que no puedo contestar.Lucho con hablar y a veces simplemente me congelan y me levanto, así que tengo todos estos pensamientos y sentimientos que quiero expresar, pero están atrapados dentro de mi cabeza.Quiero llamarla una perra inconsiderada y desaprobable, pero no lo hago.Quiero gritar lo más alto posible y correr mi puño a través de una pared, pero tampoco quiero hacerlo.Me siento aquí para siempre.Estoy creciendo para despreciar a mi familia el tiempo que pasa.

I like her so much but she hates me Since last year I've had a crush on this girl in the grade above me. A few days before the covid lock-down (it might have actually been the day before) I found her snapchat on snapchat. Since then I've been trying to hang out or play a videogame with her. She always said she was busy when I asked to hang out but seemed willing to play something but we have different consoles and most games she had weren't cross-play. Our friendship peeked in September when we were on the same minecraft server that my friend made and we were actually having long lasting conversations but then in October she started dry texting me and then ghosted me a week into November. I ended up creating a second account just to see if she was doing it to everyone or just me (in hindsight I realize that I probably shouldn't have done this). She responded to my second account and I responded with, "thanks, that's everything I need to know". She took a screen shot and sent it to me to ask if it was me, I denied it. She stopped ghosting me but was dry texting. In January she agreed to play a videogame with me multiple times but always gave a reason as to why she couldn't the day of. Now I'm trying not to text her but it's so difficult because she's so pretty and I don't even care if we date, I just want to at least be friends. I want to text her but I know it will be bad for my mental health if I do. She probably hates me. Tl;dr I've spent like 11 months trying to build a friendship with a girl I like and I'm pretty sure she hates me

Me gusta tanto, pero ella me odia Desde el año pasado me he enamorado de esta chica en la nota superior a mí.Unos días antes del encierro covidio (podría haber sido en realidad el día anterior)He encontrado su snapchat en snapchat.Desde entonces he estado tratando de pasar el rato o jugar un videojuego con ella.Ella siempre dijo que estaba ocupada cuando le pedí pasar el rato pero parecía dispuesta a jugar algo, pero tenemos diferentes consolas y la mayoría de los juegos que ella había tenido no eran juegos cruzados.Nuestra amistad se espiaba en septiembre cuando estábamos en el mismo servidor de minecraft que mi amigo y estábamos teniendo conversaciones de hecho larga duración pero entonces en octubre ella comenzó a escribirme mensajes de texto en seco y luego me asustó una semana en noviembre.Acabé creando una segunda cuenta sólo para ver si ella estaba haciéndola a todos o a mí (en retrospectiva me di cuenta de que probablemente no debería haber hecho esto).Ella respondió a mi segunda cuenta y yo respondí con "gracias, eso es todo lo que necesito saber".

I need a haircutReally want to have a haircut before I kill myself, I have this idea that there maybe an after life and I don't wanna be wandering about with this stupid hair

Necesito un corte de pelo. Quiero tener un corte de pelo antes de suicidarme. Tengo la idea de que tal vez una vida después de la muerte y no quiero estar vagando con este estúpido cabello.

Gn guys ⡯⡯⡾⠝⠘⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢊⠘⡮⣣⠪⠢⡑⡌ ㅤ ⠟⠝⠈⠀⠀⠀. ⠡⠀⠠⢈⠠⢐⢠⢂⢔⣐⢄⡂⢔⠀⡁⢉⠸⢨⢑⠕⡌ ㅤ ⠀ ⠀ ⡀⠁⠀⠀⠀⡀⢂⠡⠈⡔⣕⢮⣳⢯⣿⣻⣟⣯⣯⢷⣫⣆⡂ ⢐⠑⡌ ⢀⠠⠐⠈⠀⢀⢂⠢⡂⠕⡁⣝⢮⣳⢽⡽⣾⣻⣿⣯⡯⣟⣞⢾⢜⢆⠀⡀⠀⠪ ⣬⠂⠀⠀⢀⢂⢪⠨⢂⠥⣺⡪⣗⢗⣽⢽⡯⣿⣽⣷⢿⡽⡾⡽⣝⢎⠀⠀⠀⢡ ⣿⠀⠀⠀⢂⠢⢂⢥⢱⡹⣪⢞⡵⣻⡪⡯⡯⣟⡾⣿⣻⡽⣯⡻⣪⠧⠑⠀⠁⢐ ⣿⠀⠀⠀⠢⢑⠠⠑⠕⡝⡎⡗⡝⡎⣞⢽⡹⣕⢯⢻⠹⡹⢚⠝⡷⡽⡨⠀⠀⢔ ⣿⡯⠀⢈⠈⢄⠂⠂⠐⠀⠌⠠⢑⠱⡱⡱⡑⢔⠁⠀⡀⠐⠐⠐⡡⡹⣪⠀⠀⢘ ⣿⣽⠀⡀⡊⠀⠐⠨⠈⡁⠂⢈⠠⡱⡽⣷⡑⠁⠠⠑⠀⢉⢇⣤⢘⣪⢽⠀⢌⢎ ⣿⢾⠀⢌⠌⠀⡁⠢⠂⠐⡀⠀⢀⢳⢽⣽⡺⣨⢄⣑⢉⢃⢭⡲⣕⡭⣹⠠⢐⢗ ⣿⡗⠀⠢⠡⡱⡸⣔⢵⢱⢸⠈⠀⡪⣳⣳⢹⢜⡵⣱⢱⡱⣳⡹⣵⣻⢔⢅⢬⡷ ⣷⡇⡂⠡⡑⢕⢕⠕⡑⠡⢂⢊⢐⢕⡝⡮⡧⡳⣝⢴⡐⣁⠃⡫⡒⣕⢏⡮⣷⡟ ⣷⣻⣅⠑⢌⠢⠁⢐⠠⠑⡐⠐⠌⡪⠮⡫⠪⡪⡪⣺⢸⠰⠡⠠⠐⢱⠨⡪⡪⡰ ⣯⢷⣟⣇⡂⡂⡌⡀⠀⠁⡂⠅⠂⠀⡑⡄⢇⠇⢝⡨⡠⡁⢐⠠⢀⢪⡐⡜⡪⡊ ⣿⢽⡾⢹⡄⠕⡅⢇⠂⠑⣴⡬⣬⣬⣆⢮⣦⣷⣵⣷⡗⢃⢮⠱⡸⢰⢱⢸⢨⢌ ⣯⢯⣟⠸⣳⡅⠜⠔⡌⡐⠈⠻⠟⣿⢿⣿⣿⠿⡻⣃⠢⣱⡳⡱⡩⢢⠣⡃⠢⠁ ⡯⣟⣞⡇⡿⣽⡪⡘⡰⠨⢐⢀⠢⢢⢄⢤⣰⠼⡾⢕⢕⡵⣝⠎⢌⢪⠪⡘⡌⠀ ⡯⣳⠯⠚⢊⠡⡂⢂⠨⠊⠔⡑⠬⡸⣘⢬⢪⣪⡺⡼⣕⢯⢞⢕⢝⠎⢻⢼⣀⠀ ⠁⡂⠔⡁⡢⠣⢀⠢⠀⠅⠱⡐⡱⡘⡔⡕⡕⣲⡹⣎⡮⡏⡑⢜⢼⡱⢩⣗⣯⣟ ⢀⢂⢑⠀⡂⡃⠅⠊⢄⢑⠠⠑⢕⢕⢝⢮⢺⢕⢟⢮⢊⢢⢱⢄⠃⣇⣞⢞⣞⢾ ⢀⠢⡑⡀⢂⢊⠠⠁⡂⡐⠀⠅⡈⠪⠪⠪⠣⠫⠑⡁⢔⠕⣜⣜⢦⡰⡎⡯⡾⡽

Gn chicos

I'm dead inside, my depression won.please forgive the metaphors. I've been in this hell for like 8 years now, and every step trying to get up brought me down and down this dark abyss. I've tried to seek help....nothing worked; friends who say they be there but vanish when you most need anybody, or say "I only meant that at the time" or " sorry didn't realized you were this fuck up" or my favorite "just be happy". therapy was always out of reach and even if i got it......it never helped, i'm mean i've had to call suicide helpline three times now. family, yeah they won't care. point is i tried and killed every shred of humanity in the process of trying to get better, basically I'm broken, defected or now obsolete. my pain is constant, sharp and ever growing. I'd go into detail...but i don't think it matters anymore. So I made my choice, I'm already dead in the inside. lets finish the job. I'm mean I did what i could, there's no point in going on. it be like killing a fatally wounded animal, lets face it I'm not human anymore. I can't feel anything positive anymore. so I made my choice. death is my only way out now. I not looking for help, I've learned my lesson. and I'm not looking sympathy or pity. if any thing think of some horrible monster you hate and would delight to see suffer writing this. I just want to, i don't know; just say something i guess. and no i won't be killing myself right now, but it will be soon. so please don't be sad for me. My depression won. it beat me. so i guess this is most likely a goodbye or later if you believe in that whole afterlife stuff.

Estoy muerto por dentro, mi depresión gana.Por favor perdone las metáforas.He estado en este infierno por 8 años, y cada paso tratando de levantarme me trajo abajo y abajo de este abismo oscuro.He tratado de buscar ayuda....nada funcionó; amigos que dicen que están allí pero desaparecen cuando más necesitan a nadie, o decir "solo quise decir que en ese momento" o "lo siento no se dieron cuenta de que estabas así de mal" o mi favorito "solo ser feliz".La terapia siempre estaba fuera de alcance e incluso si lo conseguí...... nunca ayudó, me refiero a que he tenido que llamar a la línea de ayuda suicida tres veces ahora.familia, sí que no les importa.punto es que intenté y maté cada pizca de humanidad en el proceso de tratar de mejorar, básicamente estoy roto, desertado o ahora obsoleto.Mi dolor es constante, agudo y siempre creciente.

Uh, any tips on line art? For some reason, I can almost never do line art. Especially when the sketch is really good. I made a half decent sketch earlier, and when I tried the line art I just immediately deleted it. It was that bad. So, any tips?

¿Algún consejo sobre el arte de línea?Por alguna razón, casi nunca puedo hacer arte de línea.Especialmente cuando el boceto es realmente bueno.Hice un boceto medio decente antes, y cuando probé el arte de línea inmediatamente lo borré.Fue tan malo.Así que, ¿alguna sugerencia?

If you guys wanna pimp out your room with LED strips check out this review my friends and I made of these strips from amazon. feedback greatly appreciated my brethren <3 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdcHgAhNipo&feature=youtu.be](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdcHgAhNipo&feature=youtu.be)

Si ustedes quieren chulo fuera de su habitación con tiras de LED echa un vistazo a esta revisión mis amigos y yo hicimos de estas tiras de amazon.feedback muy apreciado mis hermanos <3 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdcHgAhNipo&feature=youtu.be](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdcHgAhNipo&feature=youtu.be)

If I can continue to write my suicide note while I’m sober, it’s more real.I do this. I get drunk, I cry. I go through all the ways I can do it without my family finding me. I stumble around the house late at night while my kids are with their dads. I pick up knives. I start the note. I cry more. I read every love note from my ex. I examine every photo of us together. I clean my kids rooms. I pass out as a mess. The next day when I see the kids. I hug them tighter. I tell them over and over and over again that I love them. I don’t want to let go. I kiss their little faces while they’re struggling to get free to go play. I yell to them as they’re entering the school doors that I love them! I get in my car; and I cry. I open up my notes to last nights suicide note. I don’t have the right words or enough words to continue the note. I walk into work and greet everyone with a smile and declare what a great day I’m having. I throw myself into work. Throw my headphones on and listen to the lyrics poor over me on how everyone else has found that ever lasting love. These songs are reminders of what I had with my ex. He’s dating now too. I found out on Valentine’s Day when I showed up to drop our son off and there was a girl there. She’s of course prettier. Probably smarter and has so much more to offer. I’m 31 with two kids from two different dads. I wanted a family. I wanted love. And I know! I’m selfish! I have my kids. My babies. My parents and family. I’m selfish. But I’m sick. I don’t want to die sad. But what’s worse. Loving each day with overwhelming sadness, or having those final moments in despair. I’ll cry, I’ll panic. I might regret it. But then. Then I sleep. I’m such a fake. I’m a fake ‘good’ parent. Friend, daughter, sister, aunt. The inside of my body is dead; and I physically feel it. I can’t stop shitting from the amount of anxiety I have. I ran a red light today while day dreaming about the past. I don’t sleep because my thoughts revolve around the man who broke me. I had a dream last night he was hugging me and kissing me and when I asked what he was doing? If he loved me? He said no. He said he wanted to do this. That is was all. I’m a broken person with no answers. No explanations. This man abused me, mentally, emotionally. He tore my family away from me. Sexually assaulted me. Told me to kill myself. Treated my son like shit. He was Dr Jekyll and mr Hyde. This man called CPS on me. Lied about me. Stole from me. Am I a victim of abuse or am I so god damn stupid? Maybe it’s me. I’m the real asshole. I wish I could feel nothing at all than to ever feel this cancer.

Si puedo seguir escribiendo mi nota de suicidio mientras estoy sobrio, es más real. Hago esto.Me emborracho, lloro.Voy a través de todas las maneras que puedo hacerlo sin que mi familia me encuentre.Llevo por la casa tarde en la noche mientras mis hijos están con sus padres.Recojo cuchillos.Empiezo la nota.Lloro más.Leo cada nota de amor de mi ex.Examino cada foto de nosotros juntos.Limpio las habitaciones de mis hijos.Me desmayo como un desastre.Al día siguiente, cuando veo a los niños.Los abrazo más fuerte.Les digo una y otra vez que los amo.No quiero dejar ir.Beso sus pequeñas caras mientras luchan por ser libres para ir a jugar.Les grito mientras entran a las puertas de la escuela que los amo!Me pongo en mi coche; y lloro.Abro mis notas para las últimas noches.No tengo las palabras correctas ni las palabras suficientes para seguir con la nota.

Day 2 of trying ot make my channel grow https://youtu.be/Ht9ChgwqcWs New CoD season 5 weapon, check it out

Día 2 de intentar hacer crecer mi canal https://youtu.be/Ht9ChgwqcWs Nuevo arma de la temporada 5 del CoD, échale un vistazo

Hey guys, I need someone to talk to I've been having these really weird disconnects for the past week or two It's like I feel disconnected from reality, and I loose my train of thought and I feel like nothing is really real It makes my heart rate go up and fills me with adrenaline Anyways its been happening a lot for like the last few hours and I just want someone to talk to so I'm distracted and don't start disconnecting.

Hey chicos, necesito a alguien con quien hablar He estado teniendo estas desconexiónes muy raras durante la semana pasada o dos Es como si me sintiera desconectado de la realidad, y pierdo mi tren de pensamiento y siento que nada es realmente real Hace que mi ritmo cardíaco suba y me llene de adrenalina De todos modos ha estado pasando mucho durante las últimas horas y sólo quiero que alguien hable con así que estoy distraído y no empiezo a desconectar.

Lack of purposeI'm having a hard time today seeing the point to this existence, or to trying so hard every day to get through to the next pointless day. Can anyone here enlighten me as to why I should keep bothering? Because I am just completely at a loss and ready to be done.

Falta de propósitoEstoy teniendo un momento difícil hoy viendo el punto de esta existencia, o tratando tan duro cada día para llegar al siguiente día sin sentido.¿Puede alguien aquí iluminarme en cuanto a por qué debo seguir molestando?Porque estoy completamente en una pérdida y listo para ser hecho.

I just want to stop thisEvery day I wake up to do the same monotonous tasks over and over and over again. I can't be fucked enough to wake up on time for work, I can't be bothered enough to maintain anything, I can't be bothered enough to do anything apart from sitting here wishing I was dead. I feel as if there is no true point to my life. I have practically nothing to live for at this moment. I'm ending it all. I can't take it anymore.

Sólo quiero parar estoTodos los días me despierto para hacer las mismas tareas monótonas una y otra vez.No puedo estar lo suficientemente jodido como para despertarme a tiempo para trabajar, no puedo ser molestado lo suficiente para mantener nada, no puedo ser molestado lo suficiente para hacer nada aparte de sentarme aquí deseando estar muerto.Siento como si no hubiera un verdadero punto para mi vida.No tengo prácticamente nada por lo que vivir en este momento.Lo estoy terminando todo.No puedo soportarlo más.

I want to kms because I want to show my family how their abuse is really not fucking okEvery person in my family is a bullying psychopath. I don’t even want to get into the twisted kind of abuse they do. I just want to never have to deal with them again or think about them again. I want to not exist in a world where they exist.

Quiero ir a kms porque quiero mostrar a mi familia cómo su abuso no es realmente mierda okCada persona en mi familia es un psicópata bullying.I don y apos; t incluso quiero entrar en el tipo retorcido de abuso que hacen.Yo sólo quiero nunca tener que lidiar con ellos de nuevo o pensar en ellos de nuevo.Yo quiero no existir en un mundo donde existen.

I've reached the "Everything is going to be fine" part of life planning Ok so tell me if I'm being delusional. (Australian) I'm at the back end of year 10 now (third last year of high school) and have made my plan for the future. ​ I'm gonna Work my ass off in year 11 Campaign the shit out of the Prefecture Elections (School Captain) and become a Prefect and reform the shit out of everything Smash the HSC Prelims Do early ANU application in year 12 Do well in the HSC and not fuck up the ATAR Go to ANU. (PoliSci or International Relations or something) ​ it's not gonna happen is it? I suppose most people make these sort of plans, but now, I don't know whether I shoot for the fucking moon, or try and be more "realistic" ​ halp

He llegado a la "Todo va a estar bien" parte de la planificación de la vidaOk así que dime si estoy delirando.(Australiano) Ahora estoy en el final del año 10 (tercer año del instituto) y he hecho mi plan para el futuro. ​ Voy a trabajar mi culo fuera en el año 11 Campaña la mierda fuera de las elecciones de la Prefectura (Capitán de la Escuela) y convertirse en un Prefecto y reformar la mierda fuera de todo Smash los Prelims HSC Hacer aplicación temprana ANU en el año 12Haga bien en el HSC y no joder el ATAR Ir a ANU. (PoliSci o Relaciones Internacionales o algo así) ​ no va a suceder es?Supongo que la mayoría de la gente hace este tipo de planes, pero ahora, no sé si tiro a la puta luna, o tratar de ser más "realista" ​ halp

Would anyone be willing to talk to me as I die?I plan on going today and just want to talk to someone as I slowly pass. Don't feel pressured to do so. Thanks.

¿Alguien estaría dispuesto a hablar conmigo mientras muero?Planeo ir hoy y sólo quiero hablar con alguien mientras paso lentamente.No se sienta presionado para hacerlo.Gracias.

Trains are beautifulI have been facinated by trains from my childhood, I guess they are the best, modern day guillotine. I am just formulating my final plan. No, It wont be a Passenger train I dont like wasting others time. Just a bit of backstory for curious people out there. tl dr 23 year old from India, forced to study something that I dont like(poverty, social issue), got to know about stock market, finished CFA l1 (had someone to sponsor me from USA). But I realised I need a lot of money to do an MBA to break into this industry. Cant live my life everyday knowing I can never be successful doing something I hate.

Los trenes son hermososMe han fascinado los trenes de mi infancia, supongo que son la mejor guillotina de hoy en día.Estoy formulando mi plan final.No, no será un tren de pasajeros no me gusta perder tiempo.Sólo un poco de historia para gente curiosa por ahí.tl dr 23 años de edad de la India, obligado a estudiar algo que no me gusta (pobreza, problema social), llegó a saber sobre el mercado de valores, terminó CFA l1 (tenía a alguien que me patrocinara de EE.UU.).Pero me di cuenta de que necesito mucho dinero para hacer un MBA para entrar en esta industria.No puedo vivir mi vida todos los días sabiendo que nunca puedo tener éxito haciendo algo que odio.

I want to kill myselfShould I tie a bag around my head or take a bunch of random pills. Vote now!

Quiero matarme ¿Debería atar una bolsa alrededor de mi cabeza o tomar un montón de pastillas al azar.Votar ahora!

I lost the only value in my life.My gf died from sudden exacerbation of her disease. She couldn't call ambulance and I've not even been near her when that happened. It all was so sudden. We talked to each other literally in hour before this happened. No one ever knew that our last meeting was THE last. It's not only the matter of romance, love and tenderness between us. She was simply the best, the smartest and the most unique person I've ever knew. She was literally the only human in my life with whom I had so much pleasure talking to, to talk about absolutely anything, even before I fell in love with her. I was engaged in self-development, started learning foreign languages and red many books just to be in par with her. She was making me better. Now she is gone. I did my best for her funeral and helping her parents, and now I'm contemplating the life and find no further purpose in it. It is bleak, boring and full of despair. I just can't do anything now. I went through reactive depression, and now I'm recovering, but I still can think of no reason to live further. I'm too weak for suicide, yet I'm thinking of it - even logic-wise, not only emotional-wise - more and more frequently. Can there be any reason to live, except for "she would want you to live" that absolutely all my relatives told to me? Sorry for my English.

Yo perdí el único valor en mi vida.Mi gf murió de una repentina exacerbación de su enfermedad.Ella no podía llamar a la ambulancia y ni siquiera he estado cerca de ella cuando eso sucedió.Todo fue tan repentino.Hablamos literalmente entre nosotros en una hora antes de que esto sucediera.Nadie sabía nunca que nuestra última reunión era LA última.No es sólo el asunto del romance, el amor y la ternura entre nosotros.Ella era simplemente la mejor, la más inteligente y la persona más única que he conocido.Ella era literalmente la única humana en mi vida con la que tenía tanto placer hablar, hablar de absolutamente cualquier cosa, incluso antes de que me enamorara de ella.Yo estaba dedicado al autodesarrollo, empecé a aprender idiomas extranjeros y muchos libros rojos para estar a la par con ella.Ella me estaba haciendo mejor.Ahora ella se ha ido.Yo hice lo mejor que pude por su funeral y ayudar a sus padres, y ahora estoy contemplando la vida y no encuentro más propósito en ella.Es sombrío, aburrido y lleno de desesperación.Ahora no puedo hacer nada.

lmao I’m in 66th place on coddit it would be nicer if I was in 69th tho

Lmao Estoy en el 66o lugar en coddit sería mejor si estuviera en el 69o

The first one to make me laugh will get an award Filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler

El primero en hacerme reír recibirá un premio relleno relleno relleno relleno relleno relleno relleno relleno relleno relleno relleno relleno

Loosing all hopeSoo I’m beyond stressed. My husband and I were in quarantine for three months, then I went back to work for two weeks, and got covid. He’s been on unemployment and I got a measly paycheck but we have a little savings going’s and since I haven’t been back to work because I’ve been sick, we’ve lost so much money..I’m panicking and I’ve been so stressed that my hair is falling out, I’ve been having intense nightmares, insane heartburn, I’ve fainted twice this week and honestly.. the thought about ending it all, just won’t stop. It would be so much easier if I just stopped living.. not for anyone around me but for myself. I know it would break my husbands heart and our families hearts but I just don’t know how to handle this much stress, panic, worry and pain. Something horrible happens everyday and shit just keeps adding up..we can move out of my mothers house because we don’t have a dependable income, I can’t work because I’m sick, he is searching for a job but everything in our state is shut down..plus my car took a shit so I need to get a new one and I don’t know how I’m gonna begin to afford it. I’m mentally done and emotionally so exhausted I can’t see straight. A bunch of my friends told me to start a go fund me but I feel so selfish doing that. I know we aren’t the only ones hurting right now. But maybe I should? I don’t know what to do anymore. All I’ve been able to do is cry and sit in bed, while trying to keep from relapsing into self harm again. I’m trying.. I’m really trying because I love my husband so much and I don’t want to hurt him but I need help..I need a miracle and a I need a way out of this deep hole I’m in.

Mi marido y yo estuvimos en cuarentena durante tres meses, luego volví a trabajar durante dos semanas, y me puse covid.Él ha estado en desempleo y me dieron un miserable cheque de pago, pero tenemos un pequeño ahorro en marcha y desde que no he vuelto a trabajar porque he estado enfermo, hemos perdido tanto dinero..Estoy en pánico y he estado tan estresado que mi cabello se está cayendo, he estado teniendo pesadillas intensas, ardor de estómago loco, me he desmayado dos veces esta semana y honestamente..El pensamiento de acabar con todo esto, simplemente no se detendrá.Sería mucho más fácil si simplemente dejara de vivir..No para nadie a mi alrededor sino para mí mismo.Sé que rompería el corazón de mi marido y de nuestra familia, pero no sé cómo manejar este mucho estrés, pánico, preocupación y dolor’.Algo horrible sucede cada día y mierda simplemente se suma.

I'm not going to be able to keep this up much longer.I'm. Fucking. Tired. 20 years old, and I feel like I carry the pain of a 98 year old woman. I can't do it anymore. My heart is just...drowning. That's the only way I can describe it. I've been all about trying little things to make myself happy. Clean the apartment. Put up decorations. Take a bath. Organize my room. Pick up my guitar. Pick up an extra shift at work. Painting my nails. Picking out a cute outfit. Window shopping. Donating money and random good deeds. Nothing is working. I'm happy for a short amount of time, and then I retract back to this miserable, unbearable fucking feeling. My lows are getting even lower. And they're lasting far too long. This is miserable, and I have no energy to try anymore. I don't know what to do anymore :( It's a mixture of loneliness and emptiness, and it fucking hurts. I can't take this fucking pain anymore I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT. I feel like a fucking MUTE. Like nobody hears me no matter what I say or do. I'm afraid because I keep having these thoughts about killing myself (which isn't too out of the ordinary). Except this time...I actually see myself doing it. Before it was just theoretical and hypothetical. I *wanted* to kill myself, but I was such a coward and wasn't able to. Now...I feel like I don't even care what's on the other side. I don't care about how it'll make anybody feel. I just don't care. And that sounds dangerous. There's obviously still something keeping me from doing it...but there's not a lot of whatever it is left, and I'm afraid it's going to run out, and I'll just do it. I'm sure nobody will read this. I don't really know what anyone can say to this anyways. I guess I just needed to vent somewhere I knew I couldn't be judged or scowled.

No voy a ser capaz de mantener esto mucho más tiempo.Yo soy.Fucking.Tired.20 años, y siento que llevo el dolor de una mujer de 98 años de edad.No puedo hacerlo más.Mi corazón es sólo ... ahogarse.Esa es la única manera que puedo describirlo.He estado todo sobre tratar pequeñas cosas para hacerme feliz.Limpiar el apartamento.Poner adornos.Tomar un baño.Organizar mi habitación.Coger mi guitarra.Coger un turno extra en el trabajo.Pintar mis uñas.Pitar un traje lindo.Comprar ventanas.Dar dinero y buenas acciones al azar.Nada está funcionando.Estoy feliz por una corta cantidad de tiempo, y luego me retracto de nuevo a esta miserable, insoportable sensación de mierda.Mis bajos se están volviendo aún más bajos.Y están durando demasiado tiempo.Esto es miserable, y no tengo energía para intentar más.