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jquiros-suicide-es

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The world is cruel.I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I look like a different person on the outside, and it's hard for me to keep up with the world. I know that no one wants me to exist, because I've had people tell me they hate me. I'm at the point where I feel like people will appreciate me more when I'm gone.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "The world is cruel.I honestly don't know what to do anymore.I look like a different person on the outside, and it's hard for me to keep up with the world.I know that no one wants me to exist, because I've had people tell me they hate me.I'm at the point where I feel like people will appreciate me more when I'm gone." ]	83	El mundo es cruel.Sinceramente ya no sé qué hacer.Parezco una persona diferente en el exterior, y es difícil para mí mantenerme al día con el mundo.Sé que nadie quiere que exista, porque he tenido personas que me dicen que me odian.Estoy en el punto en que siento que la gente me apreciará más cuando me vaya.
Thoughts on therapy?I’m not currently suicidal. But damn I really think I need some professional help. Has therapy helped any of you?	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "Thoughts on therapy?I’m not currently suicidal.But damn I really think I need some professional help.Has therapy helped any of you?" ]	31	¿Pensamientos sobre la terapia?No soy actualmente suicida.Pero, maldita sea, realmente creo que necesito ayuda profesional.¿La terapia ha ayudado a alguno de ustedes?
There's a demon out there.My demons are taking over and I don't know how to go on. I don't know man. It's like there's something out there wanting me dead. I don't know. And they won't stop til I die. I'm already as good as dead. They've called me and pegged me as everything that I'm not. Might as well end it.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "There's a demon out there.My demons are taking over and I don't know how to go on.I don't know man.It's like there's something out there wanting me dead.I don't know.And they won't stop til I die.I'm already as good as dead.They've called me and pegged me as everything that I'm not.Might as well end it." ]	95	Hay un demonio ahí fuera.Mis demonios están tomando el control y no sé cómo seguir adelante.No conozco al hombre.Es como si hubiera algo por ahí que me quiere muerto.No lo sé.Y no se detendrán hasta que muera.Ya estoy tan bien como muerto.Me han llamado y me han fijado como todo lo que no soy.También podría terminarlo.
My friend has started to talk to me less and ig a bit hostile towards me. Help? My guy friend and I talk in class and have a lot of banter. Anyway his best friend told me that he thinks my guy friend likes me(Ik pretty immature but whatever). I said I doubt it and we are just friends. Anyway the next week my guy friend talked to me a lot less, stopped joking with me and seems to avoid me a bit. Idk what to do now or why he is acting like this but I’m kinda sad about it :/	[]	[ "My friend has started to talk to me less and ig a bit hostile towards me.Help?My guy friend and I talk in class and have a lot of banter.Anyway his best friend told me that he thinks my guy friend likes me(Ik pretty immature but whatever).I said I doubt it and we are just friends.Anyway the next week my guy friend talked to me a lot less, stopped joking with me and seems to avoid me a bit.Idk what to do now or why he is acting like thisbut I’m kinda sad about it :/" ]	122	Mi amigo ha empezado a hablarme menos e ig un poco hostil hacia mí.Ayuda?Mi amigo chico y yo hablamos en clase y tenemos un montón de bromas.De todos modos su mejor amigo me dijo que él piensa que mi amigo chico le gusto (Ik bastante inmaduro pero lo que sea).Dije que lo dudo y sólo somos amigos.De todos modos la próxima semana mi amigo amigo me habló mucho menos, dejó de bromear conmigo y parece evitarme un poco.Idk qué hacer ahora o por qué está actuando así, pero estoy un poco triste por ello :/
It’s timeI am ready. Someone please talk me out of it	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "It’s timeIam ready.Someone please talk me out of it" ]	16	Es hora de estar listo. Alguien, por favor, convénzame de que no lo haga.
I wish they would invent a mask that wouldn't hear up every time you breath out Here's a bunch of random text so the post doesn't get taken down	[]	[ "I wish they would invent a mask that wouldn't hear up every time you breath out Here's a bunch of random text so the post doesn't get taken down" ]	36	Me gustaría que inventaran una máscara que no escucharía cada vez que respiras. Aquí hay un montón de texto al azar para que el post no sea derribado.
Not really suicidal, but...I'm 29 nine years old and have been battling with mental issues since the age of 16ish. The last 4 of years or so have been without any major problems, but the last half year have been a nightmare. I have bills up over my head, I have no joy in my life, my medicine isn't working, I can't get out of bed and I'm seriously considering just calling it a day. Life shouldn't be this hard. I honestly can't remember what it feels like to be happy or have joy. The closest I get is eating junk food. Instant gratification but no fulfillment.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "Not really suicidal, but...I'm 29 nine years old and have been battling with mental issues since the age of 16ish.The last 4 of years or so have been without any major problems, but the last half year have been a nightmare.I have bills up over my head, I have no joy in my life, my medicine isn't working, I can't get out of bed and I'm seriously considering just calling it a day.Life shouldn't be this hard.I honestly can't remember what it feels like to be happy or have joy.The closest I get is eating junk food.Instant gratification but no fulfillment." ]	140	No es realmente suicida, pero...Tengo 29 nueve años de edad y he estado luchando con problemas mentales desde la edad de 16 años.Los últimos 4 años o así han sido sin ningún problema importante, pero el último medio año han sido una pesadilla.Tengo cuentas por encima de mi cabeza, no tengo ninguna alegría en mi vida, mi medicina no está funcionando, no puedo salir de la cama y estoy considerando seriamente sólo llamarlo un día.La vida no debe ser tan difícil.La verdad es que no puedo recordar lo que se siente ser feliz o tener alegría.Lo más cercano que tengo es comer comida chatarra.
I dont want to come across as attention seeking...But I really hate myself. And I feel like I'm gonna 'snap' soon... i need someone to vent to... atleast 1 person I can share my story with...	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "I dont want to come across as attention seeking...But I really hate myself.And I feel like I'm gonna 'snap' soon...i need someone to vent to...atleast 1 person I can share my story with..." ]	50	No quiero venir a través de la búsqueda de la atención... Pero realmente me odio a mí mismo.Y me siento como voy a 'snap' pronto... necesito a alguien para desahogarse a... al menos 1 persona que puedo compartir mi historia con...
Just realized the girl ı had a crush on 4 years ago was flirting with me. Well,fuck ı guess.	[]	[ "Just realized the girl ı had a crush on 4 years ago was flirting with me.Well,fuck ı guess." ]	26	Acaba de darse cuenta de que la chica ı tenía un enamoramiento en hace 4 años estaba coqueteando conmigo.Bueno, mierda ı adivinar.
I plan to have every award ever So what are you waiting for huh.	[]	[ "I plan to have every award everSo what are you waiting for huh." ]	15	Planeo tener todos los premios así que ¿qué estás esperando?
So idk if i was too horny when i said this and its been bothering me My friend sent a booty pic as a friend like we're just really close I basically said she has a nice body And she said like "omg stop" And then i was like you're "one of the hottest girl i know" and i think i said that because im horny and now im regretting it lol And sometimes she just leaves people on delivered, like alot for long times and she said its because she doesn't check her phone alot so basically im on delivered and if i unsend she'll know i unsended something so idk what to do Also im not being super friend zoned i don't want to date her.	[]	[ "So idk if i was too horny when i said this and its been bothering me My friend sent a booty pic as a friend like we're just really close\n\nI basically said she has a nice bodyAnd she said like \"omg stop\"And then i was like you're \"one of the hottest girl i know\"and i think i said that because im horny and now im regretting it lolAnd sometimes she just leaves people on delivered, like alot for long timesand she said its because she doesn't check her phone alot so basically im on delivered and if i unsend she'll know i unsended something so idk what to do\n\nAlso im not being super friend zoned i don't want to date her." ]	160	Así que si yo estaba demasiado caliente cuando dije esto y me estaba molestando mi amigo envió una foto de botín como un amigo como estamos muy cerca básicamente dije que ella tiene un buen cuerpo Y ella dijo como "omg stop" Y entonces yo estaba como si fueras "una de las chicas más calientes que conozco" y creo que lo dije porque estoy cachondo y ahora me arrepiento lolY a veces ella deja a la gente en entrega, como mucho por largos tiempos y ella dijo que es porque ella no revisa su teléfono a menudo tan básicamente im en entrega y si nonsend ella sabrá que no he enviado algo tan idk qué hacer También im no ser super amigo zoned no quiero salir con ella.
last ditch efforti've been suicidal since i was about 12.. after making an attempt and living past it i thought at one point that i was grateful that i didn't die that day.. but after living through worse i wish it would have been successful so i could have avoided everything ive been through since then. the truth is i don't want to live anymore but not only that.. i just can't. i don't have it in me like i thought i did. last night the person that i'm in love with ended things and i just feel like that's a sign that i need to end things too. him giving up on me makes me want to give up on myself. i had a panic attack last night about the loss.. i felt like i was losing control of everything and it just made me realize i never had it.. not over anything.. but my life is the one thing i can control.. my friends and family are begging me to admit myself in the psych ward.. they're threatening to do it to me too.. but i don't see the point. it won't change anything. i'll go in there and feel even more alone. it's either keep living a miserable life using drugs to cope or granting myself an escape and one sounds a lot more human than the other.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "last ditch efforti've been suicidal since i was about 12.. after making an attempt and living pastit i thought at one point that i was grateful that i didn't die that day..but after living through worse i wish it would have been successful so i could have avoided everything ive been through since then.the truth is i don't want to live anymore but not only that..i just can't.i don't have it in me like i thought i did.last night the person that i'm in love with ended things and i just feel like that's a sign that i need to end things too.him giving up on me makes me want to give up on myself.i had a panic attack last night about the loss..i felt like i was losing control of everything and it just made me realize i never had it.. not over anything..but my life is the one thing i can control..my friends and family are begging me to admit myself in the psych ward..they're threatening to do it to me too..but i don't see the point.it won't change anything.i'll go in there and feel even more alone.it's either keep living a miserable life using drugs to cope or granting myself an escape and one sounds a lot more human than the other." ]	284	Último esfuerzo de la zanja he sido suicida desde que tenía alrededor de 12.. después de hacer un intento y vivir pasado pensé en un punto que estaba agradecido de que no muriera ese día..pero después de vivir peor deseo que hubiera tenido éxito así que podría haber evitado todo lo que ha pasado desde entonces.la verdad es que no quiero vivir más pero no sólo eso..yo simplemente no puedo.yo no lo tengo en mí como pensé que lo hice.última noche la persona que estoy enamorado de las cosas acabadas y me siento como que es una señal de que necesito terminar las cosas también.él renunciando a mí me hace querer renunciar a mí mismo.i tuvo un ataque de pánico anoche sobre la pérdida..i sentí que estaba perdiendo el control de todo y me hizo darme cuenta de que nunca lo tuve...pero mi vida es la única cosa que puedo controlar.mi familia y amigos me están pidiendo que me admita más en la sala de psiquiatría...
'YOU EGG!' I can't be the only one who still laughs at this iconic insult by Shakespeare. (Macbeth) Just imagine shouting EGG instead of swearing-	[]	[ "'YOU EGG!'I can't be the only one who still laughs at this iconic insult by Shakespeare.(Macbeth)\n\nJust imagine shouting EGG instead of swearing-" ]	41	No puedo ser el único que todavía se ríe de este icónico insulto de Shakespeare. (Macbeth) Imagínese gritar EGG en lugar de jurar...
fuck this shit.I'm on here because I'm so fuckin done. I have no one to talk to. My own husband doesn't even wanna hear it. seems like he doesnt care whether I die or not. and frankly with each passing day, things just keep getting worse. the more I think about it, the more i come to terms with suicide. I hate everything and just can't imagine living through another 40 or 50 more years of this. I feel like all life really is, is endless suffering. when people say "its not the solution" thats bs. doing it would solve a lifetime of problems.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "fuck this shit.I'm on here because I'm so fuckin done.I have no one to talk to.My own husband doesn't even wanna hear it.seems like he doesnt care whether I die or not.and frankly with each passing day, things just keep getting worse.the more I think about it, the more i come to terms with suicide.I hate everything and just can't imagine living through another 40 or 50 more years of this.I feel like all life really is, is endless suffering.when people say \"its not the solution\" thats bs.doing it would solve a lifetime of problems." ]	135	A la mierda esta mierda.Estoy aquí porque estoy tan jodidamente hecho.No tengo a nadie con quien hablar.Mi propio marido ni siquiera quiere oírlo.Parece que no le importa si muero o no.Y francamente con cada día que pasa, las cosas siguen empeorando.Cuanto más pienso en ello, más me doy cuenta del suicidio.Odio todo y no puedo imaginar vivir otros 40 o 50 años más de esto.Siento que toda la vida realmente es sufrimiento sin fin.Cuando la gente dice "no es la solución" eso es hacer que resuelva una vida de problemas.
I'm not sure if I should be scaredSo I'm in high school, and recently became an atheist. I now have thought about the fact that life feels kind of meaningless, and have considered suicide. However the one time that I actually seriously started thinking about it, I managed to stop myself. Any help?	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "I'm not sure if I should be scaredSo I'm in high school, and recently became an atheist.I now have thought about the fact that life feels kind of meaningless, and have considered suicide.However the one time that I actually seriously started thinking about it, I managed to stop myself.Any help?" ]	65	No estoy seguro si debería tener miedoAsí que estoy en la escuela secundaria, y recientemente me he convertido en ateo.Ahora he pensado en el hecho de que la vida se siente un poco sin sentido, y he considerado el suicidio.Sin embargo, la única vez que realmente empecé a pensar seriamente en ello, me las arreglé para detenerme.¿Alguna ayuda?
I wish that anybody could tell me for what purpose we are here.Why do we exist and live as a species? Why do I exist and live as an individual human? Nobody knows. Anyone who claims to know has no evidence to show for it. It is driving me mad, moreso than I am. I often ask God, hoping that somewhere in or out of this huge universe there is a powerful, personal entity able and willing to throw me a bone. So far, no success.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "I wish that anybody could tell me for what purpose we are here.Why do we exist and live as a species?Why do I exist and live as an individual human?Nobody knows.Anyone who claims to know has no evidence to show for it.It is driving me mad, moreso than I am.I often ask God, hoping that somewhere in or out of this huge universe there is a powerful, personal entity able and willing to throw me a bone.So far, no success." ]	102	Desearía que alguien pudiera decirme con qué propósito estamos aquí.¿Por qué existimos y vivimos como una especie?¿Por qué existo y vivo como un humano individual?Nadie lo sabe.Cualquiera que diga saber no tiene evidencia que mostrar para ello.Me está volviendo loco, más que yo.A menudo le pregunto a Dios, esperando que en algún lugar dentro o fuera de este enorme universo haya una entidad poderosa, personal capaz y dispuesta a arrojarme un hueso.Hasta ahora, ningún éxito.
I will award the best joke in the comments within 5 minutes. You read the title, didn’t you?	[]	[ "I will award the best joke in the comments within 5 minutes.You read the title, didn’t you?" ]	23	Voy a otorgar la mejor broma en los comentarios en 5 minutos.Leíste el título, ¿no es así?
January 15th, 2019&#x200B; That's my deadline	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "January 15th, 2019&#x200B;\n\nThat's my deadline" ]	18	15 de enero de 2019&#x200B; Esa es mi fecha límite
Need suggestionsI'm writing here because I have no idea where else to write. Currently I'm stuck in life and I have no idea what to do. Thanks to my past I have a few anxieties that prevent me from functioning like a normal person. I dropped out of high school, because I can't study anymore. All days I'm laying in my bed browsing reddit and daydreaming about getting out of this mess. I seriously have no idea what to do, I'm unemployed and I have no diploma or anything. Please give me some suggestions on what to do.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "Need suggestionsI'm writing here because I have no idea where else to write.Currently I'm stuck in life and I have no idea what to do.Thanks to my past I have a few anxieties that prevent me from functioning like a normal person.I dropped out of high school, because I can't study anymore.All days I'm laying in my bed browsing reddit and daydreaming about getting out of this mess.I seriously have no idea what to do, I'm unemployed and I have no diploma or anything.Please give me some suggestions on what to do." ]	129	Necesito sugerenciasEstoy escribiendo aquí porque no tengo ni idea de dónde escribir.Actualmente estoy atascado en la vida y no tengo idea de qué hacer.Gracias a mi pasado tengo algunas ansiedades que me impiden funcionar como una persona normal.He dejado la escuela secundaria, porque ya no puedo estudiar.Todos los días estoy acostado en mi cama navegando en reddit y soñando despierto sobre salir de este lío.En serio no tengo idea de qué hacer, estoy desempleado y no tengo diploma ni nada.Por favor, dame algunas sugerencias sobre qué hacer.
HELP I confessed to my crush and I need help deciphering their response So I just confessed to my crush (we're both girls) like "y'know how I told you I was bi? I think I kinda have a crush on you" and they just responded with "😂😂it's okay" and "well I have school tomorrow so goodnight" So now what? I have no idea what that means- like it wasn't a rejection? But it wasn't an agreement either. I'm just so confused pls help	[]	[ "HELP I confessed to my crush and I need help deciphering their responseSo I just confessed to my crush (we're both girls) like \"y'know how I told you I was bi?I think I kinda have a crush on you\" and they just responded with \"😂😂it's okay\" and \"well I have school tomorrow so goodnight\"\n\nSo now what?I have no idea what that means-like it wasn't a rejection?But it wasn't an agreement either.I'm just so confused pls help" ]	114	Ayuda Me confesé a mi amor y necesito ayuda para descifrar su respuestaAsí que acabo de confesar a mi amor (soy las dos chicas) como "¿sabes cómo te dije que era bi?Creo que tengo un poco de amor por ti" y simplemente respondieron con "Está bien" y "bueno tengo escuela mañana tan buenas noches" ¿Ahora qué?No tengo idea de lo que eso significa-como si no fuera un rechazo?Pero no era un acuerdo tampoco.Estoy tan confundido pls ayuda
I quit my jobI got a job at best buy, worked for four days, hated it, (no training and co workers too impatient) and am going to apply for some grocery stores or even just go back to mcds. At least that was easy, I don't have time for a massive learning curve. I need money. But if my family (and by that I mean parents AND siblings) find out, they will be furious. Even though I'm only doing whats best for me. I know its quitting but I was overextending myself with that job. Did I make the right decision?	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "I quit my jobI got a job at best buy, worked for four days, hated it, (no training and co workers too impatient) and am going to apply for some grocery stores or even just go back to mcds.At least that was easy, I don't have time for a massive learning curve.I need money.But if my family (and by that I mean parents AND siblings) find out, they will be furious.Even though I'm only doing whats best for me.I know its quittingbut I was overextending myself with that job.Did I make the right decision?" ]	129	Renuncié a mi trabajoConseguí un trabajo en el mejor de los casos, trabajé durante cuatro días, lo odié, (ningún entrenamiento y compañeros de trabajo demasiado impacientes) y voy a solicitar algunas tiendas de comestibles o incluso simplemente volver a mcds.Al menos eso fue fácil, no tengo tiempo para una curva de aprendizaje masiva.Necesito dinero.Pero si mi familia (y con eso me refiero a padres y hermanos) se enterarán, estarán furiosos.Aunque solo estoy haciendo lo mejor para mí.Sé que lo dejé pero me extendí demasiado con ese trabajo.¿Tomé la decisión correcta?
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTJust let me have my platform for two fucking minutes. DO NOT KILL YOURSELF. Want to know why? Any story is a tragedy. IF YOU LET IT BE. If you could find it in yourself to give a flying shit about anyone else in the world you can read below. I don't expect any of you almost dead people to give a fuck. I barely give a fuck about me. I am a 32 year old female. I am engaged to a man. I have no children. I have young siblings that I raised. I just visited this subreddit for the first time tonight. Most of you seem to be teenagers or young adults in high school or college. That doesn't mean to discount these feelings and experiences, but this is normal. EVERY TEENAGER FEELS SUICIDAL. I felt that way every day. My parents were horrible. My first love didn't even break up with me. He just didn't talk to me again. So in silence I listened to Tori Amos and contemplated suicide. I was a straight A student yet took a bunch of pills and stayed home. WE ARE ALL THE SAME! I used my period as an excuse. I obviously didn't succeed. My friends at the time also felt that way. WE FELT SUICIDAL AT 20-29 as well. EVERYONE FEELS THAT WAY. We all curse and do drugs and don't give a flying fuck about our terrible families. THAT IS NORMAL. BLAH BLAH BLAH. At this age, you start to realize your parents are full of shit. Your uncles, aunts, cousins, are full of shit. Society sucks and it's all shit. OF COURSE IT IS! So get used to it. But DON'T KILL YOURSELF! Why? I thought about it many times. BUT WHY DO IT? This is a taboo topic in the United States at least. But I want you to know that these feelings will pass. They come up now and then for me. I may be more well adjusted now as a 32 year old, but I still feel my dad raping me and still have nightmares. Those types of reasons for killing yourself don't just disappear. I used to eat my lunch in bathroom stalls. And dream about slitting my wrists in high school and college. But now I am a successful woman in NYC.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTJust let me have my platform for two fucking minutes.DO NOT KILL YOURSELF.Want to know why?Any story is a tragedy.IF YOU LET IT BE.If you could find it in yourself to give a flying shit about anyone else in the world you can read below.I don't expect any of you almost dead people to give a fuck.I barely give a fuck about me.I am a 32 year old female.I am engaged to a man.I have no children.I have young siblings that I raised.I just visited this subreddit for the first time tonight.Most of you seem to be teenagers or young adults in high school or college.That doesn't mean to discount these feelings and experiences, but this is normal.EVERY TEENAGER FEELS SUICIDAL.I felt that way every day.My parents were horrible.My first love didn't even break up with me.He just didn't talk to me again.So in silence I listened to Tori Amos and contemplated suicide.I was a straight A student yet took a bunch of pills and stayed home.WE ARE ALL THE SAME!I used my period as an excuse.I obviously didn't succeed.My friends at the time also felt that way.WE FELT SUICIDAL AT 20-29 as well.EVERYONE FEELS THAT WAY.", "We all curse and do drugs and don't give a flying fuck about our terrible families.THAT IS NORMAL.BLAH BLAH BLAH.At this age, you start to realize your parents are full of shit.Your uncles, aunts, cousins, are full of shit.Society sucks and it's all shit.OF COURSEIT IS!So get used to it.But DON'T KILL YOURSELF!Why?I thought about it many times.BUT WHY DO IT?This is a taboo topic in the United States at least.But I want you to know that these feelings will pass.They come up now and then for me.I may be more well adjusted now as a 32 year old, but I still feel my dad raping me and still have nightmares.Those types of reasons for killing yourself don't just disappear.I used to eat my lunch in bathroom stalls.And dream about slitting my wrists in high school and college.But now I am a successful woman in NYC." ]	304	ESTO ES UN ANUNCIO DE SERVICIO PÚBLICOSi me dejas tener mi plataforma durante dos malditos minutos, no te mates a ti mismo.¿Quieres saber por qué?Cualquier historia es una tragedia.Si lo dejas ser.Si pudieras encontrarte en ti mismo para que te importe una mierda voladora sobre cualquier otra persona en el mundo que puedas leer a continuación.No espero que a ninguno de ustedes casi muertos les importe una mierda.Apenas me importa una mierda sobre mí.Soy una mujer de 32 años.Estoy comprometida con un hombre.No tengo hijos.Tengo hermanos pequeños que crié.Acabo de visitar este subreddit por primera vez esta noche.La mayoría de ustedes parecen ser adolescentes o adultos jóvenes en la escuela secundaria o la universidad.Mi primer amor no significa ni siquiera descontar estos sentimientos y experiencias, pero esto es normal.Cada vez que teenager se siente suicida.Me sentí así todos los días.Mis padres eran horribles.¡Mi primer amor ni siquiera rompió conmigo!
Every conversation I've had in the last 3 years"Hey OP what you been up to?" "Nothing" ... "Any news?" "No" ... "You watched x?" "Yeah good show" "Yeah" ... "Welp okay OP seeya next time when we repeat this exchange, over & over again" Literally just going through a fucking scripted event over & over again, it's the same every time. I don't understand other people anymore, I don't understand what people get out of conversation. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to be talked at, I'm never doing anything but even if I was I wouldn't want to talk about it & any topic you bring up I've already heard about because I spend all my time on the internet. What's the point? It's just another facet of life that I don't want, I don't want to work, I don't want to go through these scripted conversations, there's just nothing for me here.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "Every conversation I've had in the last 3 years\"Hey OP what you been up to?\"\n\"Nothing\"\n...\"Any news?\"\n\"No\"\n...\n\"You watched x?\"\n\"Yeah good show\"\n\"Yeah\"\n...\"Welp okay OP seeya next time when we repeat this exchange, over & over again\"\n\nLiterally just going through a fucking scripted event over & over again, it's the same every time.I don't understand other people anymore, I don't understand what people get out of conversation.I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to be talked at, I'm never doing anything but even if I was I wouldn't want to talk about it & any topic you bring up I've already heard about because I spend all my time on the internet.What's the point?It's just another facet of life that I don't want, I don't want to work, I don't want to go through these scripted conversations, there's just nothing for me here." ]	231	Cada conversación que he tenido en los últimos 3 años"Hey OP lo que has estado haciendo?" "Nada" ..."¿Alguna noticia?" "No" ... "¿Vieron x?" "Sí buen show" "Sí" ..."Welp ok OP seeya la próxima vez que repitamos este intercambio, sobre & otra vez" Literalmente simplemente pasando por un puto evento escrito sobre & otra vez, es lo mismo cada vez.Ya no entiendo a otras personas, ya no entiendo lo que la gente sale de conversación.No quiero hablar contigo, no quiero que te hablen, nunca estoy haciendo nada, pero incluso si no quisiera hablar de ello & cualquier tema que saques a colación ya he oído porque paso todo mi tiempo en internet.¿Cuál es el punto?Es sólo otra cara de la vida que no quiero, no quiero trabajar, no quiero pasar por estas conversaciones escritas, no hay nada para mí aquí.
After losing my only friendship I've been feeling suicidal lately, I'm afraid I'll do it one day...It's has been 2 months since I lost the only friend I ever had in my life. We was dependent on her to make me happy, I know that's not a good thing but my loneliness made it so I got attached to her, we talked every single day for almost 6 months, she opened up to me about so many things, and i was always there to listen to her and try to maker her smile even though I wasn't happy myself. I didn't realize at the time but I was getting too involved in her problems and her drama, I wanted to be there for her, I wanted to help her but I wasn't in a position to do so, I was broken myself but my empathy made it so I was risking my own well being in order to be there for her. She started to get distant from me after a while, saying she wanted to be alone to focus on work and school and that she didn't want to talk with anyone, it made me feel really bad because she was the only person I could talk to, but I still respected her decision and gave her space even though it was really hard for me. I even wrote a letter to try and make her feel better and everything. She came back a couple of weeks later talking about how we should take things in a more relaxed way, even questioning if I had feelings for her, saying we wouldn't work as a couple cause I was too emotional and that we cared too much about each other. Saying she would have less and less time to talk and I felt destroyed, I never saw her as a romantic partner I just wanted a friend I could talk to that's all. I still respected her decision and gave her space, it was Damm hard for me I cried everyday, I wanted to talk with someone and I couldn't cause there was no one there, she was the only one. After a while we started talked again but things where different, she was acting differently saying things that didn't make sense, I was always there for her from the beginning she told me things she never told anyone and I was there listening and being kind to her and never judging her. one days she would say I was really the most caring and understanding person she ever met, that she never had a conection like ours in her life that I was her best friend and the most amazing person she knows, but this time she started saying I wasn't understanding, that our conection wasn't the same our friendship wasn't the same, that things had changed and she didn't want to have "deep" conversations anymore, I felt heartbroken, I have my best to this person, o sacrificed my own mental health for her, because I wanted to be there for her, she was my only friend, how could she say those things after all I did for her? I reacted poorly, I let my emotions take the better of me and I said some things I shouldn't have said, i regret the way I reacted so much, we got into an argument and in the end she said "maybe we can talk later", I tried appoogizing but she blocked me on everything and I can't talk with her anymore. Later I found out she was seeing someone, maybe that's why she acted the way she did. I as been two months I still think about her everyday, I lost all my energy I have no will to live anymore, I gave my best to someone, I have everything I had even when I needed it for myself , I was there for her for every everything and I was throw to the side like I was nothing. She always said if one day we got into an argument that she felt we could talk it trough, but I guess even that was a lie, she moved on so quickly not ven looking back. Meanwhile I'm sitting here broken, alone without a will to live, still thinking about her every day. I just wanted a friend that's all.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "After losing my only friendship I've been feeling suicidal lately, I'm afraid I'll do it one day...It's has been 2 months since I lost the only friend I ever had in my life.We was dependent on her to make me happy, I know that's not a good thing but my loneliness made itso I got attached to her, we talked every single day for almost 6 months, she opened up to me about so many things, and i was always there to listen to her and try to maker her smile even though I wasn't happy myself.I didn't realize at the time but I was getting too involved in her problems and her drama, I wanted to be there for her, I wanted to help her but I wasn't in a position to do so, I was broken myself but my empathy made itso I was risking my own well being in order to be there for her.She started to get distant from me after a while, saying she wanted to be alone to focus on work and school and that she didn't want to talk with anyone, it made me feel really bad because she was the only person I could talk to, but I still respected her decision and gave her space even though it was really hard for me.I even wrote a letter to try and make her feel better and everything.", "She came back a couple of weeks later talking about how we should take things in a more relaxed way, even questioning if I had feelings for her, saying we wouldn't work as a couple cause I was too emotional and that we cared too much about each other.Saying she would have less and less time to talkand I felt destroyed, I never saw her as a romantic partner I just wanted a friend I could talk to that's all.I still respected her decision and gave her space, it was Damm hard for me I cried everyday, I wanted to talk with someone and I couldn't cause there was no one there, she was the only one.After a while we started talked again but things where different, she was acting differently saying things that didn't make sense, I was always there for her from the beginning she told me things she never told anyone and I was there listening and being kind to her and never judging her.", "one days she would say I was really the most caring and understanding person she ever met, that she never had a conection like ours in her life that I was her best friend and the most amazing person she knows, but this time she started saying I wasn't understanding, that our conection wasn't the same our friendship wasn't the same, that things had changed and she didn't want to have \"deep\" conversations anymore, I felt heartbroken, I have my best to this person, o sacrificed my own mental health for her, because I wanted to be there for her, she was my only friend, how could she say those things after all I did for her?\n\nI reacted poorly, I let my emotions take the better of me and I said some things I shouldn't have said, i regret the way I reacted so much, we got into an argument and in the end she said \"maybe we can talk later\", I tried appoogizing but she blocked me on everything and I can't talk with her anymore.Later I found out she was seeing someone, maybe that's why she acted the way she did.", "I as been two months I still think about her everyday, I lost all my energy I have no will to live anymore, I gave my best to someone, I have everything I had even when I needed it for myself , I was there for her for every everything and I was throw to the side like I was nothing.She always said if one day we got into an argument that she felt we could talk it trough, but I guess even that was a lie, she moved on so quickly not ven looking back.Meanwhile I'm sitting here broken, alone without a will to live, still thinking about her every day.I just wanted a friend that's all." ]	278	Después de perder mi única amistad que he tenido últimamente, me he sentido suicida, me temo que lo haré un día... Han pasado dos meses desde que perdí la única amiga que he tenido en mi vida.Dependíamos de ella para hacerme feliz, sé que eso no es algo bueno pero mi soledad me encariñó con ella, hablamos todos los días durante casi seis meses, ella se abrió a mí acerca de tantas cosas, y yo siempre estaba allí para escucharla y tratar de hacer su sonrisa aunque yo no estaba feliz.No me di cuenta en ese momento, pero me estaba involucrando demasiado en sus problemas y su drama, quería estar allí para ella, quería ayudarla pero no estaba en posición de hacerlo, me rompía a mí mismo pero mi empatía hizo que yo estuviera arriesgando mi propio bienestar para estar allí para ella.Ella comenzó a distanciarme de mí después de un tiempo, diciendo que quería estar sola en el trabajo y la escuela y que ella no quería hablar con nadie, me hizo sentir muy mal porque ella era la única persona que podía hacer algo, pero aún así podía tratar de hacerlo.
Who tryna horny chat? [M 87] Please 5-14 only! Gender does not matter Hmu everyone	[]	[ "Who tryna horny chat?[M 87]Please 5-14 only!Gender does not matter\n\nHmu everyone" ]	23	¿Quién intenta chat cachondo?[M 87]Por favor, sólo 5-14!El género no importa Hmu todo el mundo
I don't mean to offend anyone. Don't take this the wrong way. But let people believe in the stuff they want to believe. When I say this, I mean religion. I know there's some good apples and some bad apples in every religion. Even atheist have some good apples and some bad apples. But some of those bad apples in those religions are just rotten. You see it alot in the internet when someone is talking about religion. Those toxic ass motherfuckers. When someone comments about religion on the internet, one of three things can happen. It gets ignored, it can start a good conversation, or it turns into a warzone. A really toxic warzone. I'm not gonna exclude just one religion, since there's toxic people from all of them. But holy hell is it terrible when the third one happens. You got the toxic atheist saying shit like, "Oh stop believing in fairy tales you motherfucker. They don't exist you fucking degenerate." Like oh my God you really don't care huh. You just don't like that there that religion, and you want to fucking kill em. And then you got you're toxic christian/any other religion wishing that they die and that they go to eternal damnation if they believe in that and that even there deity won't forgive them if they believe in that. I understand that there's many religions with many different beliefs, but it usually just comes down to that. Oh my God you don't have to get erratic about everything and wish death upon them or shatter there fucking beliefs. Seriously just accept that there's many different religions and that beliefs. Don't tie em up and shove shit down their throats. Embrace that people have different beliefs. That's what makes us special. I will say that there are some very good atheists, christians, muslims, jews, everything. There are some very good people in the world, but it's the toxic ones that are the problem. They're the ones that stir up shit and make a mess. They're the ones that put a bad face on whatever they are. I hope I didn't offend anyone. Believe in what you want to believe. No one's stopping you. As long as it doesn't hurt or kill people, it's completely fine. But please, don't fucking stir up shit and flame each other. Had to get this out of my system. It's probably gonna be a very controversial post. But I hope it isn't.	[]	[ "I don't mean to offend anyone.Don't take this the wrong way.But let people believe in the stuff they want to believe.When I say this, I mean religion.I know there's some good apples and some bad apples in every religion.Even atheist have some good apples and some bad apples.But some of those bad apples in those religions are just rotten.You see it alot in the internet when someone is talking about religion.Those toxic ass motherfuckers.When someone comments about religion on the internet, one of three things can happen.It gets ignored, it can start a good conversation, or it turns into a warzone.A really toxic warzone.I'm not gonna exclude just one religion, since there's toxic people from all of them.But holy hell is it terrible when the third one happens.You got the toxic atheist saying shit like, \"Oh stop believing in fairy tales you motherfucker.They don't exist you fucking degenerate.\"Like oh my God you really don't care huh.You just don't like that there that religion, and you want to fucking kill em.", "And then you got you're toxic christian/any other religion wishing that they die and that they go to eternal damnation if they believe in that and that even there deity won't forgive them if they believe in that.I understand that there's many religions with many different beliefs, but it usually just comes down to that.Oh my God you don't have to get erratic about everything and wish death upon them or shatter there fucking beliefs.Seriously just accept that there's many different religions and that beliefs.Don't tie em up and shove shit down their throats.Embrace that people have different beliefs.That's what makes us special.I will say that there are some very good atheists, christians, muslims, jews, everything.There are some very good people in the world, but it's the toxic ones that are the problem.They're the ones that stir up shit and make a mess.They're the ones that put a bad face on whatever they are.I hope I didn't offend anyone.Believe in what you want to believe.No one's stopping you.As long as it doesn't hurt or kill people, it's completely fine.But please, don't fucking stir up shit and flame each other.Had to get this out of my system.", "It's probably gonna be a very controversial post.But I hope it isn't." ]	235	No quiero ofender a nadie.No te lo tomes a mal.Pero deja que la gente crea en las cosas que quiere creer.Cuando digo esto, me refiero a la religión.Sé que hay algunas manzanas buenas y algunas manzanas malas en todas las religiones.Incluso los ateos tienen manzanas buenas y manzanas malas.Pero algunas de esas manzanas malas en esas religiones están podridas.Lo ves mucho en Internet cuando alguien está hablando de religión.Esos hijos de puta tóxicos.Cuando alguien comenta sobre la religión en Internet, una de las tres cosas puede suceder.Se ignora, se puede iniciar una buena conversación, o se convierte en una zona de guerra.Una zona de guerra muy tóxica.No voy a excluir una sola religión, ya que hay gente tóxica de todas ellas.Pero el infierno santo es terrible cuando ocurre la tercera.Tienes a los ateos tóxicos diciendo mierdas como: "Oh deja de creer en cuentos de hadas hijo de puta.No existen malditos degenerados".Como oh Dios mío, realmente no te importa.
"You can't be depressed! You're ____"I hear it all the time. Im too young. I'm white I can't be depressed. I'm male. I'm straight. I'm tall. I'm lower middle class. I'm surrounded by people. I'm just making it up. I just want attention. I'm sick of hearing this. It only makes me worse. It doesn't help that I don't have anyone to talk to. I have "friends" but I don't trust them with my heart. Even those online helplines feel token and hollow. They feel like they read from a script and feel more like bots then caring people. I just don't know where to turn. I have a lot of life left but I honestly don't feel the point. I just don't want to be alone anymore. But I can't trust anyone with my feelings. I'm 17 and when I try to confide my feelings in my parents they shoot me down saying "oh every teen is depressed. It's a phase get over it. There are people who have it worse" they won't even let me get a therapist. What do I do? I feel like I need to end this. I'm tired.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "\"You can't be depressed!You're ____\"I hear it all the time.Im too young.I'm white I can't be depressed.I'm male.I'm straight.I'm tall.I'm lower middle class.I'm surrounded by people.I'm just making it up.I just want attention.I'm sick of hearing this.It only makes me worse.It doesn't help that I don't have anyone to talk to.I have \"friends\" but I don't trust them with my heart.Even those online helplines feel token and hollow.They feel like they read from a script and feel more like bots then caring people.I just don't know where to turn.I have a lot of life leftbut I honestly don't feel the point.I just don't want to be alone anymore.But I can't trust anyone with my feelings.I'm 17 and when I try to confide my feelings in my parents they shoot me down saying \"oh every teen is depressed.It's a phase get over it.There are people who have it worse\" they won't even let me get a therapist.What do I do?I feel like I need to end this.I'm tired." ]	277	"No puedes estar deprimido!Eres __"Estoy todo el tiempo.Soy demasiado joven.Soy blanco.No puedo estar deprimido.Soy masculino.Soy hetero.Soy alto.Soy de clase media baja.Estoy rodeado de gente.Estoy solo inventándolo.Solo quiero atención.Estoy harto de escuchar esto.Sólo me hace sentir peor.No ayuda que no tenga a nadie con quien hablar.Tengo "amigos" pero no confío en ellos con mi corazón.Incluso esas líneas de ayuda en línea se sienten simbólicas y vacías.Se sienten como si leyeran desde un guión y se sintieran más como robots que cuidando a la gente.Simplemente no sé a dónde acudir.Tengo mucha vida pero honestamente no siento el punto.Yo no quiero estar más solo.Pero no puedo confiar en nadie con mis sentimientos.Yo tengo 17 años y cuando trato de confiar mis sentimientos en mis padres me disparan diciendo "oh cada adolescente está deprimido.
haunting memory on a bad dayI'm having a bad day, suicidal thoughts are singing a siren song, and I would like to vent some of my distress, if that's ok. Hm. Just to get it out of the way I was diagnosed today with a very difficult to treat condition that might slowly debilitate me, eating away at my flesh, scarring my skin, for years and years, making a smelly puss gushing creature of me. There are surgeries dealing with the symptoms that might help, or might not. There's a 70 percent chance I will get away with just some scars. So, I'm having a bad day. But strangely enough that's not what on my mind. That news just sort of softened me up for something else to surface, it seems. What's on my mind today is the past, a dream I once had, the dream of being a father. When I was young there was a woman that came into my life, cruel, selfish, seductive, who placed her hooks into me, used me, played me, kept me captive in a construct of lies and guilt and shame and hate and sex. On better days than this I look back at that time and am proud of myself, proud that I made it out alive where my predecessors had killed themselves. I allow myself pride in that. The only reason I managed to tear myself away from her was that I wanted a child of my own more than I wanted to not hurt her. Looking back that dream was my lifeline by which I pulled myself out of a psychological black hole of need. Life went on, and I witnessed from afar how her world burned with one disaster after the next. Her cat had cancer, her son had fallen to drugs, her body was failing her, she was dying, or maybe not, and nobody in the world was there for her. I held on to my dream, I did not give into the overwhelming pity I had for her, or my guilt for leaving. A year and a half passed. I met someone else, someone wonderful, someone who just by being kind to me would open my eyes to what an abusive relationship my past one had been, but not yet, and from time to time when I heard from my ex I still gave comfort, or cried for her sake, for the injustice she had to endure at the hands of a cruel universe, all alone now. She did not deserve this, I thought. She called me one night. In tears, telling me how she only wanted the best for me, and when I left, she didn't want to hold me back, she said. This is why she kept secret that she had been pregnant with my child, conceived the last time we had made love, but for my freedom's sake she had let me go. It was wrong of her, and she is coming forward now, asking for forgiveness for her selflessness. She had kept secret that she bore me a daughter. She told me her name. It was a beautiful name, burned into my heart now, and finding out I had a child, it was the happiest moment of my life. Like a lightning strike I was filled with love for this child, unconditionally. No matter what, I would take care of her :( A lie. She didn't have a child, she hadn't been pregnant, she didn't keep it a secret because she only wanted the best for me, she was one crazy fucking bitch, but I didn't know it then. I believed her. When my joy at this news was at its peak she told me the child had died. And I believed her. And it was the worst moment of my life, one that finally broke me. 8 years I had endured with her, resigned to a malignant misery, abuse and manipulation, but I made it, I made it out alive where her previous husbands took their own life. I SURVIVED!! I did not survive this. People can come close to a breaking point, but I don't think many people actually end up breaking. To be unmade like that. I'm not the same person today as I was then. I grieved. I wrote letters to a daughter I never knew and left abandoned, unable to let go of the pain because the pain was the only thing I had of her that I could hold on to. Love and loss, burned into my soul, by events that never actually occurred. And when I finally found out... yes, I had fallen, and it changed me as events larger than ourselves tend to do, but I did manage to get back onto my feet. Seeing a parent play with their child on the street may have caused in me waves of heartbreak, but I wasn't in despair... I learned how to see the beauty in pain, and how loss is just a reflection of love,... all of what had happened had been real to me, and now I had to make sense that the entire experience was based on a lie. I felt like someone hacked my brain. I still had feelings for the figments of someone elses imagination, and I could not undo that, and I could not undo what profound change that experience had wrought onto me. I was never going to have a child again, because now I knew, I KNEW down into my bones that having a child was not worth the risk of losing one. My dream was gone. Is gone. Maybe I'm grieving the loss of a dream today. A memory of events. Dealt with long ago, haunting me today, on a bad day. I'll probably be back to my disgustingly optimistic self by tomorrow. This was just one event, a peak event. I survived a lot, I have plenty of scars already, psychological and physical, and I deal with them and keep moving forward. "It's not about how hard you can hit, but about how hard you can get hit and keeping moving forward, that's how winning is done", right? Today, I'm on my knees, and the thought of giving up seems so fucking comforting. Enough is enough. Today I will allow myself to be defeated. Just today. If anyone read to this point, thank you for listening. It felt good to get that out of my system.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "haunting memory on a bad dayI'm having a bad day, suicidal thoughts are singing a siren song, and I would like to vent some of my distress, if that's ok.Hm.Just to get it out of the way I was diagnosed today with a very difficult to treat condition that might slowly debilitate me, eating away at my flesh, scarring my skin, for years and years, making a smelly puss gushing creature of me.There are surgeries dealing with the symptoms that might help, or might not.There's a 70 percent chance I will get away with just some scars.So, I'm having a bad day.But strangely enough that's not what on my mind.That news just sort of softened me up for something else to surface, it seems.What's on my mind today is the past, a dream I once had, the dream of being a father.When I was young there was a woman that came into my life, cruel, selfish, seductive, who placed her hooks into me, used me, played me, kept me captive in a construct of lies and guilt and shame and hate and sex.On better days than this I look back at that time and am proud of myself, proud that I made it out alive where my predecessors had killed themselves.I allow myself pride in that.", "The only reason I managed to tear myself away from her was that I wanted a child of my own more than I wanted to not hurt her.Looking back that dream was my lifeline by which I pulled myself out of a psychological black hole of need.Life went on, and I witnessed from afar how her world burned with one disaster after the next.Her cat had cancer, her son had fallen to drugs, her body was failing her, she was dying, or maybe not, and nobody in the world was there for her.I held on to my dream, I did not give into the overwhelming pity I had for her, or my guilt for leaving.A year and a half passed.I met someone else, someone wonderful, someone who just by being kind to me would open my eyes to what an abusive relationship my past one had been, but not yet, and from time to time when I heard from my ex I still gave comfort, or cried for her sake, for the injustice she had to endure at the hands of a cruel universe, all alone now.She did not deserve this, I thought.She called me one night.In tears, telling me how she only wanted the best for me, and when I left, she didn't want to hold me back, she said.", "This is why she kept secret that she had been pregnant with my child, conceived the last time we had made love, but for my freedom's sake she had let me go.It was wrong of her, and she is coming forward now, asking for forgiveness for her selflessness.She had kept secret that she bore me a daughter.She told me her name.It was a beautiful name, burned into my heart now, and finding out I had a child, it was the happiest moment of my life.Like a lightning strike I was filled with love for this child, unconditionally.No matter what, I would take care of her :(\n\nA lie.She didn't have a child, she hadn't been pregnant, she didn't keep it a secret because she only wanted the best for me, she was one crazy fucking bitch, but I didn't know it then.I believed her.When my joy at this news was at its peak she told me the child had died.And I believed her.And it was the worst moment of my life, one that finally broke me.8 years I had endured with her, resigned to a malignant misery, abuse and manipulation, but I made it, I made it out alive where her previous husbands took their own life.I SURVIVED!!I did not survive this.", "People can come close to a breaking point, but I don't think many people actually end up breaking.To be unmade like that.I'm not the same person today as I was then.I grieved.I wrote letters to a daughter I never knew and left abandoned, unable to let go of the pain because the pain was the only thing I had of her that I could hold on to.Love and loss, burned into my soul, by events that never actually occurred.And when I finally found out... yes, I had fallen, and it changed me as events larger than ourselves tend to do, but I did manage to get back onto my feet.Seeing a parent play with their child on the street may have caused in me waves of heartbreak, but I wasn't in despair...I learned how to see the beauty in pain, and how loss is just a reflection of love,... all of what had happened had been real to me, and now I had to make sense that the entire experience was based on a lie.I felt like someone hacked my brain.I still had feelings for the figments of someone elses imagination, and I could not undo that, and I could not undo what profound change that experience had wrought onto me.", "I was never going to have a child again, because now I knew, I KNEW down into my bones that having a child was not worth the risk of losing one.My dream was gone.Is gone.Maybe I'm grieving the loss of a dream today.A memory of events.Dealt with long ago, haunting me today, on a bad day.I'll probably be back to my disgustingly optimistic self by tomorrow.This was just one event, a peak event.I survived a lot, I have plenty of scars already, psychological and physical, and I deal with them and keep moving forward.\"It's not about how hard you can hit, but about how hard you can get hit and keeping moving forward, that's how winning is done\", right?Today, I'm on my knees, and the thought of giving up seems so fucking comforting.Enough is enough.Today I will allow myself to be defeated.Just today.If anyone read to this point, thank you for listening.It felt good to get that out of my system." ]	289	En un mal día estoy teniendo un mal día, pensamientos suicidas están cantando una canción de sirena, y me gustaría desahogarme un poco de mi angustia, si eso está bien.Hm.Sólo para sacarlo de la forma en que me diagnosticaron hoy con una condición muy difícil de tratar que podría debilitarme lentamente, comiendo de mi carne, cicatrizando mi piel, por años y años, haciendo una criatura apestosa que brota de mí.Hay cirugías que lidian con los síntomas que podrían ayudar, o no.Hay un 70 por ciento de posibilidades de que me salga con algunas cicatrices.Así que, una vez tuve un mal día.Pero extrañamente eso no es lo que pienso.Esas noticias me suavizaron para que surgiera algo más, parece.Lo que me preocupa hoy es el pasado, un sueño que tuve una vez, el sueño de ser padre.Cuando era joven, me suavizaron para que algo más saliera a la superficie, lo que parece.
I would like to enlighten you https://youtu.be/lomHRxIlwnY	[]	[ "I would like to enlighten you https://youtu.be/lomHRxIlwnY" ]	22	Me gustaría informarles https://youtu.be/lomHRxIlwnY
I hate everything about my existenceI ended up writing 500 words about this earlier today. Keep in mind this wasn't intended to be posted before reading it, so it might be a tad confusing. --- My life fucking sucks and I want it to end. Those people who say “Oh, you’re only 14, you don’t know what you’re talking about, give it time, blah blah fucking blah” can just shut up. It doesn’t matter what age I am, I want to die and that’s that. Just because you don’t think me capable of thinking out why doesn’t mean anything. I’m not thinking of this because I didn’t get some toy. Age doesn’t mean I don’t have a rational reason. Where do I even start with reasons? I have no friends, for one. Oh sure, on the surface it looks like I have friends, all of us sitting at our little table at lunch, talking away. Only if you paid attention you’d notice that these aren’t really friends. Just people to talk to as a way to ease the boredom. I have online friends, sure, but in the end they are nothing more than random strangers who took a passing interest in the stupid shit I post online. For fucks sake, the people I’m closest to are the community of /r/WormFanfic . A fucking fanfiction subreddit. That thought hurts so, so much. And, even then, it’s not even being close to them, it’s just having some small form of recognition for posting a lot - my absence won't even be noted. I once thought a while ago that it didn’t matter if I had friends or not, but loneliness fucking sucks. I like to read a lot. I love reading so fucking much. But I constantly come across these characters with these best friends/love interests who would never betray them and are constant companions to them. The fact that I fully recognize I’m likely to never have that hurts a lot. One friend. One friend that I could rely on passed all else. That’s all I want. Oddly, I’m being reminded of a scene from one of the Thor movies. Where Loki, locked up in his cell, all pristine and fine, is revealed to be just an illusion, the real Loki being an utter wreck. It reminds me of myself; I like to put up this little facade that all is well with me, that nothing could do anything but make me laugh. That facade become a role, the role became an act, and I acted so hard I forgot it was so. That just makes it all the worse when it comes crashing down. And being lonely isn’t the only reason. There is the sheer, crushing boredom. What is the point of living a life that is constantly the same thing day in day out? Wake up, get ready, go to school, come home, read a book, rinse and fucking repeat. Over and over. Then, in some far away future, it becomes the same thing with work. As asinine as it sounds, I’m bored. Reading books constantly, every single moment I have, relieved some of my boredom, but everything goes back to the same shitty world the moment the book ends. I could go on, but those are the main points. I’m not even sure why I’m writing this; hopefully it will help. Probably not. --- I was told writing it out might help, but honestly it's pushed me further. I'm probably going to kill myself soon.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "I hate everything about my existenceI ended up writing 500 words about this earlier today.Keep in mind this wasn't intended to be posted before reading it, so it might be a tad confusing.---\n\nMy life fucking sucksand I want it to end.Those people who say “Oh, you’re only 14, you don’t know what you’re talking about, give it time,blah blahfucking blah” can just shut up.It doesn’t matter what age I am, I want to die and that’s that.Just because you don’t think me capable of thinking out why doesn’t mean anything.I’m not thinking of this because I didn’t get some toy.Age doesn’t mean I don’t have a rational reason.Where do I even start with reasons?I have no friends, for one.Oh sure, on the surface it looks like I have friends, all of us sitting at our little table at lunch, talking away.Only if you paid attention you’d notice that these aren’t really friends.Just people to talk to as a way to ease the boredom.I have online friends, sure, but in the end they are nothing more than random strangers who took a passing interest in the stupid shit I post online.For fucks sake, the people I’m closest to are the community of /r/WormFanfic .A fucking fanfiction subreddit.", "That thought hurts so, so much.And, even then, it’s not even being close to them, it’s just having some small form of recognition for posting a lot - my absence won't even be noted.I once thought a while ago that it didn’t matter if I had friends or not, but loneliness fucking sucks.I like to read a lot.I love reading so fucking much.But I constantly come across these characters with these best friends/love interests who would never betray them and are constant companions to them.The fact that I fully recognize I’m likely to never have that hurts a lot.One friend.One friend that I could rely on passed all else.That’s all I want.Oddly, I’m being reminded of a scene from one of the Thor movies.Where Loki, locked up in his cell, all pristine and fine, is revealed to be just an illusion, the real Loki being an utter wreck.It reminds me of myself; I like to put up this little facade that all is well with me, that nothing could do anything but make me laugh.That facade become a role, the role became an act, and I acted so hard I forgot it was so.That just makes it all the worse when it comes crashing down.And being lonely isn’t the only reason.There is the sheer, crushing boredom.", "What is the point of living a life that is constantly the same thing day in day out?Wake up, get ready, go to school, come home, read a book, rinse and fucking repeat.Over and over.Then, in some far away future, it becomes the same thing with work.As asinine as it sounds, I’m bored.Reading books constantly, every single moment I have, relieved some of my boredom, but everything goes back to the same shitty world the moment the book ends.I could go on, but those are the main points.I’m not even sure why I’m writing this; hopefully it will help.Probably not.\n\n---\n\nI was told writing it out might help, but honestly it's pushed me further.I'm probably going to kill myself soon." ]	308	Odio todo acerca de mi existencia.--- Mi vida apesta y quiero que termine.Esas personas que dicen “Oh, solo tienes 14 años, no sabes de lo que estás hablando, dale tiempo, bla, bla, bla” pueden simplemente callarse.No importa qué edad tengo, quiero morir y eso es.Solo porque no me crees capaz de pensar por qué no significa nada.No estoy pensando en esto porque no tengo un poco de juguete.Age no significa que no tengo una razón racional.¿Por qué ni siquiera empiezo con razones?No tengo amigos, para uno.Oh seguro, en la superficie parece que tengo amigos, todos nosotros sentados en nuestra pequeña mesa en el almuerzo, hablando lejos.Sólo si me prestas atención, no tengo amigos, para uno.Seguro, en la superficie parece que tengo un poco de interés.
I want to do it so bad^	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "I want to do it so bad^" ]	8	Quiero hacerlo tan mal.
just don't know where to startTypical 25 year old bum here. Graduated from college 2 years ago with degree in Literature, working as a barista. Just broke up with fiance of five years, moved in my dad and driving his spare minivan since my boyfriend got the vehicle. Broke, lots of student loans and some debt from medical issues, very few good job prospects (but lots of unpaid internship offers-great!). The relationship with my fiance was verbally abusive (and physically, on one occasion), so it's technically good that I'm out, but he also kept me very isolated, so I have no friends who stay in contact. I have a long history of abuse and depression, though - was in foster care for a while and have had suicidal thoughts since I was about twelve, though never nearly so frequently as I do now. I just don't know where to even start, Reddit. I'd love to get my masters - that was the original plan - but immediately after college, my mom died, and my boyfriend really became quite overbearing and insulting, and somehow all my plans derailed. Now I feel like a typical 20something loser living with my dad, driving a minivan, with only my dog for a friend. Part of me knows that getting back into college is the obvious solution - I always excelled in school - but by now, I am so depressed and anxious that it's getting harder to function everyday. Even simple tasks like talking to people on the phone or trying to make plans for the future can cause me to just break down. I don't want to commit money and time to a masters only to get there and have a mental breakdown. Obviously, it would be great if I could go there and turn my life around, but I worry. I worry I'm too weak after all these years of sadness. Too unmotivated to do a lot of things, really. I don't get much joy out of any hobbies anymore, and I've lost my appetite in general. A lot of nights I'd honestly commit suicide if it weren't for my dog; I'm rather attached to the girl and refuse to leave her. But isn't that sad, that a dog is the one and only thing tethering me here? I don't know what I'm looking for; literally any advice or kind words would help. I feel so lost and lonely a lot of the time, very aimless.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "just don't know where to startTypical 25 year old bum here.Graduated from college 2 years ago with degree in Literature, working as a barista.Just broke up with fiance of five years, moved in my dad and driving his spare minivan since my boyfriend got the vehicle.Broke, lots of student loans and some debt from medical issues, very few good job prospects (but lots of unpaid internship offers-great!).The relationship with my fiance was verbally abusive (and physically, on one occasion), so it's technically good that I'm out, but he also kept me very isolated, so I have no friends who stay in contact.I have a long history of abuse and depression, though - was in foster care for a while and have had suicidal thoughts since I was about twelve, though never nearly so frequently as I do now.I just don't know where to even start, Reddit.I'd love to get my masters - that was the original plan - but immediately after college, my mom died, and my boyfriend really became quite overbearing and insulting, and somehow all my plans derailed.Now I feel like a typical 20something loser living with my dad, driving a minivan, with only my dog for a friend.", "Part of me knows that getting back into college is the obvious solution - I always excelled in school -but by now, I am so depressed and anxious that it's getting harder to function everyday.Even simple tasks like talking to people on the phone or trying to make plans for the future can cause me to just break down.I don't want to commit money and time to a masters only to get there and have a mental breakdown.Obviously, it would be great if I could go there and turn my life around, but I worry.I worry I'm too weak after all these years of sadness.Too unmotivated to do a lot of things, really.I don't get much joy out of any hobbies anymore, and I've lost my appetite in general.A lot of nights I'd honestly commit suicide if it weren't for my dog; I'm rather attached to the girl and refuse to leave her.But isn't that sad, that a dog is the one and only thing tethering me here?I don't know what I'm looking for; literally any advice or kind words would help.I feel so lost and lonely a lot of the time, very aimless." ]	270	Sólo no sé por dónde empezarTypical 25 años de edad vagabundo aquí.Graduado de la universidad hace 2 años con la licenciatura en Literatura, trabajando como barista.Acaba de romper con novio de cinco años, se mudó en mi padre y conducir su minivan de repuesto desde que mi novio consiguió el vehículo.Broke, muchos préstamos estudiantiles y algunas deudas de problemas médicos, muy pocas buenas perspectivas de trabajo (pero muchas ofertas de pasantías no remuneradas-gran!).La relación con mi prometido fue verbalmente abusivo (y físicamente, en una ocasión), por lo que es técnicamente bueno que estoy fuera, pero también me mantuvo muy aislado, así que no tengo amigos que se mantengan en contacto.Tengo una larga historia de abuso y depresión, aunque - estaba en cuidado adoptivo por un tiempo y he tenido pensamientos suicidas desde que tenía cerca de doce años, aunque nunca tan frecuentemente como lo hago ahora.No sé por dónde ni siquiera empezar, Reddit.Me encantaría obtener mis maestros - que era el plan original - pero inmediatamente después de la universidad, mi mamá murió, y mi novio realmente se volvió demasiado e insultando, y de alguna manera todos mis planes como un perro des de railed mi ahora.
I just got unbanned after 7 days because I like anime This site is fucked man, I couldn’t even dispute it. Can we stop reporting people and just downvote them please?	[]	[ "I just got unbanned after 7 days because I like anime This site is fucked man, I couldn’t even dispute it.Can we stop reporting people and just downvote them please?" ]	40	Acabo de no estar prohibido después de 7 días porque me gusta el anime Este sitio está jodido hombre, ni siquiera podía discutirlo. ¿Podemos dejar de informar a la gente y simplemente votar por ellos por favor?
I’m thinking of deleting Reddit, running away from it and never coming back😀 I feel like it’s ruining my mental health, so like I just want to get rid of it. Should I?	[]	[ "I’m thinking of deleting Reddit, running away from it and never coming back😀I feel like it’s ruining my mental health, so like I just want to get rid of it.Should I?" ]	45	Estoy pensando en eliminar Reddit, huyendo de ella y nunca volver Siento que está arruinando mi salud mental, así que como sólo quiero deshacerse de ella.¿Debería?
When is it a good/realistic option to pick suicideI hate my life and am failing already even at a young age and am wondering at what point is suicide justified	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "When is it a good/realistic option to pick suicideI hate my life and am failing already even at a young age and am wondering at what point is suicide justified" ]	34	¿Cuándo es una buena / realista opción para elegir el suicidio Odio mi vida y estoy fallando ya incluso a una edad temprana y me pregunto en qué momento está justificado el suicidio
Goodnight Reddit! If I’m correct, my friends fell asleep so I wanna tell someone goodnight ;-; Sleep well y’all <3 :)	[]	[ "Goodnight Reddit!If I’m correct, my friends fell asleep so I wanna tell someone goodnight ;-; Sleep well y’all <3 :)" ]	37	Buenas noches Reddit!Si estoy en lo cierto, mis amigos se quedaron dormidos así que quiero decirle a alguien buenas noches ;-; Duerme bien you'all <3 :)
Where do I go for assistance with committing suicide?Looking for a subreddit, website, dark web forum, anything. Anyone who wants to provide 'help' or someone to talk to can fuck off.	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "Where do I go for assistance with committing suicide?Looking for a subreddit, website, dark web forum, anything.Anyone who wants to provide 'help' or someone to talk to can fuck off." ]	45	¿Dónde voy a buscar ayuda para suicidarme?Buscando un subreddit, sitio web, foro web oscuro, cualquier cosa.Cualquier persona que quiera proporcionar 'ayuda' o alguien con quien hablar puede irse a la mierda.
Today’s been a pretty good birthday I got a big YouTuber within a game community to wish me happy birthday	[]	[ "Today’s been a pretty good birthday I got a big YouTuber within a game community to wish me happy birthday" ]	23	Hoy ha sido un cumpleaños bastante bueno Tengo un gran YouTuber dentro de una comunidad de juegos para desearme feliz cumpleaños
This is why i fucking hate cats There are a lot of stray cats where i live and there was a mother cat and her kittens outside my house and i wanted to give them food So i put some food in a plastic cup and went outside to give it to them and before i could the mother cat scratched my hand to make the food drop	[]	[ "This is why i fucking hate cats There are a lot of stray cats where i live and there was a mother cat and her kittens outside my house and i wanted to give them foodSo i put some food in a plastic cup and went outside to give it to them and before i could the mother cat scratched my hand to make the food drop" ]	70	Por eso odio a los gatos Hay muchos gatos callejeros donde vivo y había una madre gato y sus gatitos fuera de mi casa y quería darles comida Así que puse algo de comida en una taza de plástico y salí a dársela y antes de que pudiera la madre gato rascó mi mano para hacer que la comida cayese
What can any of us do to stop this?I used to have hope, but I don't know any more. I feel better then cycle back down again. What can any of us do?	[ "selfharm" ]	[ "What can any of us do to stop this?I used to have hope, but I don't know any more.I feel better then cycle back down again.What can any of us do?" ]	41	¿Qué puede hacer cualquiera de nosotros para detener esto?Solía tener esperanza, pero ya no lo sé.Me siento mejor y vuelvo a bajar en bicicleta.¿Qué puede hacer cualquiera de nosotros?