myothiha/jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

Unnamed: 0 int64 0 232k	text stringlengths 11 214
35,308	What's black, has bite marks and isn't needed any more? Philip Hoffman's belt.
115,623	To all the virgins out there Thanks for nothing!
64,937	If you had a gun with 1 bullet and you see Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton chilling in a boat in pacific ocean who would you shoot? I'd shoot god damn fucking boat because both deserves to sink.
132,124	I live in Zimbabwe. My favorite rapper is 50 cent. Or as we like to call him, 400 million dollars.
82,542	I had to memorize a random 18 digit password before she'd let me in. Guess who stole your Soap Opera Digest out of the mailbox, Mom?
18,094	[For enemies] You know the difference between you and I? You came out of your mom. I came in her.
31,298	What did the bear do to be labeled a hipster? He hibernated in the summer.
196,696	What word grows smaller when you add two letters to it? Add ""er"" to short and it becomes shorter.
29,449	I bet some of the Crusaders were just random guys who refused to admit that they were lost.
87,926	I didn't wear earrings for a long time and the holes closed, now I'm worried about my vagina.
173,588	If you need someone who is good at looking into a full fridge and complaining that there's nothing to eat, I'm your Mayor!
5,406	What is the Italian postal motto? We know where you live, your family too!
116,595	Not to brag, but I just bought Eggland's best eggs from the grocery store. Their BEST eggs. I got them.
150,430	Turtle to turtle: ""Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?""
117,804	Why was the young vampire a failure? Because he fainted at the sight of blood.
54,163	Outsize Clothes-buying by Ellie Fant
130,820	How do you call Niggeria leaving EU? blackout
228,998	Idea for a male strip club: Call it the Rock Hard Cafe... I think the rest is self explanatory.
95,447	Air travel is 60% device recharging and 40% other people's farts.
151,442	My idea to call our weekend bicycling group the ""Pedalphiles"" was not well-received AT ALL.
190,437	Whats it called when you 69 with someone who is sitting in a wheelchair? Meals on wheels
32,331	So the Boston marathon was yesterday... I heard it was an arm and a leg better than last year!
76,558	My newest million dollar idea involves crowdsourcing. So, who has a million dollar idea for me?
177,441	Wanna hear a joke? [removed]
70,836	A nude man walks into a doctor's office. A nude man walks into a doctor's office wrapped in Cellophane from head to toe. The doctor says, ""Well, clearly I can see your nuts.""
85,795	The best joke on reddit (OC)
108,308	If shes's being being anal about it Give her sex and you'll make her whole day, Give her anal sex and you'll make her hole weak
110,021	What Do You Call A Masterbating Cow? Beef Stroganoff!
229,076	A little boy says to his dad 'What is the difference between wealth and poverty?' And the dad says: 'Wealth is caviar, champagne and women. Poverty is hot pocket, beer and your mother!'
166,039	What's the difference between a baby and a politician? Saying they are full of sh*t means 2 completely different things.
177,873	Satoru Iwata is in a much better place... ... he's with Nintendo.
30,660	Me: I'm updating my fitness app. Is bowling a sport? Him: You didn't bowl. You kept score. Me: Is score-keeping for bowling a sport?
196,464	My dog LOVES dark chocolate... He doesn't care about antioxidants, it's all about great taste for him
185,020	Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your place! Knock knock Who's there? Bak bak My chemistry prof said that one today
186,661	Nothing beats a beautiful woman. Except Chris Brown
172,794	How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? pick it up and suck his dick
144,452	If you're having second thoughts, you're 2 ahead of most people.
18,634	A midget psychic broke out of prison. Now there's a small medium at large.
184,328	China has a Great Wall And they have barely any Mexicans
191,189	What do girls and noodles have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them
125,066	My son was four when he came up with this: Knock Knock Who's there? Hulk. Hulk w.../HULK SMASH!!
166,984	What do you call the upper eighth of a lime for sale? A top-of-the-lime model.
220,255	I need a joke for my boss I need a clean, clean languaged jokes.
117,396	Water-loo is such a shitty place. Just thinking about it would make me pissed, if I gave a crap.
157,703	What do you call women who get beat by their alcoholic husbands? Beer-battered wives
136,559	Ugh, I may have lost my ""World's Best Dad"" keychain. My 2 year old was playing with it an hour ago but I don't know where she went.
41,628	I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace.
113,899	Remember, when you're driving in the snow, it's important to speed up and go as fast as you can so you don't get stuck.
39	Before I destroy a wasp's nest I like to capture a single wasp and tell it my entire diabolical plan.
152,059	What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope
206,823	How accurate is the Bible? 100% at short range
22,400	I'm going to sit here and wink at you. It's going to be a very long wink. With both eyes. Please, by all means, go on with your story.
133,091	I always drink a cocktail before having sex My dad always told me ""You need a good screwdriver to really screw something"".
220,449	You know the Amish are people of simple values but did you know they are some of the most sexual people? .... It's true, their women require at least 2 Mennonite!
88,307	I renewed my driver's license today and was asked if I wanted to be an organ donor. I declined but did offer to give them my old harmonica.
215,947	You'd think old people would drive faster with the whole death thing creeping up on them and all.
146,103	I asked my friend what keeps her up at night. She answered, ""helium."" Also, my friend is a balloon.
113,256	Are rhetorical questions really necessary?
190,156	You're trapped in a room with a tiger a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? You shoot the lawyer. Twice.
207,736	Apparently, the answer ""I Know"" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
214,390	What's an alcoholic's favorite novel? Tequila Mockingbird I made this up just now... I'm so excited about it.
52,662	what idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
211,036	Why did the chicken cross the road? To complete the joke.
149,877	What's the difference between jam and jelly? [NSFW] I can't jelly my dick down your throat.
54,605	If you think Phil Robertson (the Duck Dynasty guy) has offensive view regarding homosexuality, or slavery... You should hear his answers regarding evolution, climate change, or 8 plus 9.
86,074	I like my woman like my espresso; Bitter, exhilarating, and some sort of Italian I guess.
96,514	What's got 9 arms and sucks? Def Leppard
120,226	4th law of thermodynamics: If you accidentally make a fart sound w/ your chair in a crowded room it's impossible to recreate that sound.
27,404	Son , I am not able to go to school today Son: I am not able to go to school today. Father: what happened? Son: I am not feeling well Father: Where you are not feeling well? Son: In school!
172,647	Theirye're, problem solved.
114,517	Who called it the NHL instead of the Just Ice League
210,524	Help with telegraph/Morse code joke I am doing a presentation on the Telegraph and my teacher is a sucker for a good joke/pun. Any help?
132,224	I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
1,730	A group of guys with ponytails is called a flock of Steven Seagulls
14,197	Sorry but if these walls could talk I'm pretty sure they'd talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you're blowing out of proportion.
105,498	I have a joke about fish and herbs. But I don't think now is the thyme or the plaice to tell it.
119,797	Make little things count!... Teach midgets math!
180,713	A Jewish Kid... Asks his dad to borrow $5 his dad replies with ""$4 dollars?! what do you need $3 dollars for?!""
114,948	What did the little Chinese boy get for Christmas? Rice.
69,784	What do you call balls on the wall? Walnuts. What do you call balls on a chest? Chestnuts. What do you call balls on a chin? My throne
54,787	WARNING: KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN- DO NOT STAND TOO CLOSE TO THEM, THEY ARE GROSS AND WILL ASK YOU FOR STUFF
202,699	I hate the Blacks in my neighborhood. Mr. Black is a douche. Mrs. Black is a slut. And the kids are the worst.
156,305	My first joke here and an original! Did you hear about the two lawyers who set up shop under the old oak tree? I heard it was a pretty shady business.
11,132	What did sushi A say to sushi B? Wassa B.
11,589	I have developed an intolerance to gluten- -free people
187,936	That would be weird if a pirate got a mastectomy... wooden tit.
168,965	Asked for ""change for a dollar"" at the Dollar Store and they just gave me a different dollar.
100,123	Whenever I get a ""Final Notice"" letter from a bill collector, I assume this concludes our business transaction.
12,028	If diet and exercise are not working for you, try actually dieting and actually exercising.
56,933	What is a sluts favourite drink? 7-Up in cider
99,813	When you're at someone's house? Normal people: ""What a lovely house!"" Me: ""What's your wifi password?""
196,615	[getting escorted out of zoo] ""I just wanted to see if the panda knew kung fu like in the movie""
43,563	Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
103,247	If everyday is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays.
181,984	There should be an MtF superhero group. They would be the Ex-Men.
136,320	Every so often my mother has a great idea, usually it involves leaving my house.
60,674	I'm surprised more black people don't relate with NASCAR... After all, there are no rights
225,075	Why did the console gamer cross the road? To render the buildings across the street.
211,401	I wish my kid had a ""BAD MOTHERFUCKER"" tattoo so that when asked which one was mine I could say ""THE ONE THAT SAYS BAD MOTHERFUCKER ON IT!""
165,653	So I woke up to find that someone had stolen my assignment for my communications class... I was speechless...

35,308

What's black, has bite marks and isn't needed any more? Philip Hoffman's belt.

115,623

To all the virgins out there Thanks for nothing!

64,937

If you had a gun with 1 bullet and you see Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton chilling in a boat in pacific ocean who would you shoot? I'd shoot god damn fucking boat because both deserves to sink.

132,124

I live in Zimbabwe. My favorite rapper is 50 cent. Or as we like to call him, 400 million dollars.

82,542

I had to memorize a random 18 digit password before she'd let me in. Guess who stole your Soap Opera Digest out of the mailbox, Mom?

18,094

[For enemies] You know the difference between you and I? You came out of your mom. I came in her.

31,298

What did the bear do to be labeled a hipster? He hibernated in the summer.

196,696

What word grows smaller when you add two letters to it? Add ""er"" to short and it becomes shorter.

29,449

I bet some of the Crusaders were just random guys who refused to admit that they were lost.

87,926

I didn't wear earrings for a long time and the holes closed, now I'm worried about my vagina.

173,588

If you need someone who is good at looking into a full fridge and complaining that there's nothing to eat, I'm your Mayor!

5,406

What is the Italian postal motto? We know where **you** live, your family too!

116,595

Not to brag, but I just bought Eggland's best eggs from the grocery store. Their BEST eggs. I got them.

150,430

Turtle to turtle: ""Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?""

117,804

Why was the young vampire a failure? Because he fainted at the sight of blood.

54,163

Outsize Clothes-buying by Ellie Fant

130,820

How do you call Niggeria leaving EU? blackout

228,998

Idea for a male strip club: Call it the Rock Hard Cafe... I think the rest is self explanatory.

95,447

Air travel is 60% device recharging and 40% other people's farts.

151,442

My idea to call our weekend bicycling group the ""Pedalphiles"" was not well-received AT ALL.

190,437

Whats it called when you 69 with someone who is sitting in a wheelchair? Meals on wheels

32,331

So the Boston marathon was yesterday... I heard it was an arm and a leg better than last year!

76,558

My newest million dollar idea involves crowdsourcing. So, who has a million dollar idea for me?

177,441

Wanna hear a joke? [removed]

70,836

A nude man walks into a doctor's office. A nude man walks into a doctor's office wrapped in Cellophane from head to toe. The doctor says, ""Well, clearly I can see your nuts.""

85,795

The best joke on reddit (OC)

108,308

If shes's being being anal about it Give her sex and you'll make her whole day, Give her anal sex and you'll make her hole weak

110,021

What Do You Call A Masterbating Cow? Beef Stroganoff!

229,076

A little boy says to his dad 'What is the difference between wealth and poverty?' And the dad says: 'Wealth is caviar, champagne and women. Poverty is hot pocket, beer and your mother!'

166,039

What's the difference between a baby and a politician? Saying they are full of sh*t means 2 completely different things.

177,873

Satoru Iwata is in a much better place... ... he's with Nintendo.

30,660

Me: I'm updating my fitness app. Is bowling a sport? Him: You didn't bowl. You kept score. Me: Is score-keeping for bowling a sport?

196,464

My dog LOVES dark chocolate... He doesn't care about antioxidants, it's all about great taste for him

185,020

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your place! Knock knock Who's there? Bak bak My chemistry prof said that one today

186,661

Nothing beats a beautiful woman. Except Chris Brown

172,794

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? pick it up and suck his dick

144,452

If you're having second thoughts, you're 2 ahead of most people.

18,634

A midget psychic broke out of prison. Now there's a small medium at large.

184,328

China has a Great Wall And they have barely any Mexicans

191,189

What do girls and noodles have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them

125,066

My son was four when he came up with this: Knock Knock Who's there? Hulk. Hulk w.../HULK SMASH!!

166,984

What do you call the upper eighth of a lime for sale? A top-of-the-lime model.

220,255

I need a joke for my boss I need a clean, clean languaged jokes.

117,396

Water-loo is such a shitty place. Just thinking about it would make me pissed, if I gave a crap.

157,703

What do you call women who get beat by their alcoholic husbands? Beer-battered wives

136,559

Ugh, I may have lost my ""World's Best Dad"" keychain. My 2 year old was playing with it an hour ago but I don't know where she went.

41,628

I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace.

113,899

Remember, when you're driving in the snow, it's important to speed up and go as fast as you can so you don't get stuck.

39

Before I destroy a wasp's nest I like to capture a single wasp and tell it my entire diabolical plan.

152,059

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope

206,823

How accurate is the Bible? 100% at short range

22,400

I'm going to sit here and wink at you. It's going to be a very long wink. With both eyes. Please, by all means, go on with your story.

133,091

I always drink a cocktail before having sex My dad always told me ""You need a good screwdriver to really screw something"".

220,449

You know the Amish are people of simple values but did you know they are some of the most sexual people? .... It's true, their women require at least 2 Mennonite!

88,307

I renewed my driver's license today and was asked if I wanted to be an organ donor. I declined but did offer to give them my old harmonica.

215,947

You'd think old people would drive faster with the whole death thing creeping up on them and all.

146,103

I asked my friend what keeps her up at night. She answered, ""helium."" Also, my friend is a balloon.

113,256

Are rhetorical questions really necessary?

190,156

You're trapped in a room with a tiger a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? You shoot the lawyer. Twice.

207,736

Apparently, the answer ""I Know"" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed

214,390

What's an alcoholic's favorite novel? Tequila Mockingbird I made this up just now... I'm so excited about it.

52,662

what idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?

211,036

Why did the chicken cross the road? To complete the joke.

149,877

What's the difference between jam and jelly? [NSFW] I can't jelly my dick down your throat.

54,605

If you think Phil Robertson (the Duck Dynasty guy) has offensive view regarding homosexuality, or slavery... You should hear his answers regarding evolution, climate change, or 8 plus 9.

86,074

I like my woman like my espresso; Bitter, exhilarating, and some sort of Italian I guess.

96,514

What's got 9 arms and sucks? Def Leppard

120,226

4th law of thermodynamics: If you accidentally make a fart sound w/ your chair in a crowded room it's impossible to recreate that sound.

27,404

Son , I am not able to go to school today Son: I am not able to go to school today. Father: what happened? Son: I am not feeling well Father: Where you are not feeling well? Son: In school!

172,647

Theirye're, problem solved.

114,517

Who called it the NHL instead of the Just Ice League

210,524

Help with telegraph/Morse code joke I am doing a presentation on the Telegraph and my teacher is a sucker for a good joke/pun. Any help?

132,224

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

1,730

A group of guys with ponytails is called a flock of Steven Seagulls

14,197

Sorry but if these walls could talk I'm pretty sure they'd talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you're blowing out of proportion.

105,498

I have a joke about fish and herbs. But I don't think now is the thyme or the plaice to tell it.

119,797

Make little things count!... Teach midgets math!

180,713

A Jewish Kid... Asks his dad to borrow $5 his dad replies with ""$4 dollars?! what do you need $3 dollars for?!""

114,948

What did the little Chinese boy get for Christmas? Rice.

69,784

What do you call balls on the wall? Walnuts. What do you call balls on a chest? Chestnuts. What do you call balls on a chin? My throne

54,787

WARNING: KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN- DO NOT STAND TOO CLOSE TO THEM, THEY ARE GROSS AND WILL ASK YOU FOR STUFF

202,699

I hate the Blacks in my neighborhood. Mr. Black is a douche. Mrs. Black is a slut. And the kids are the worst.

156,305

My first joke here and an original! Did you hear about the two lawyers who set up shop under the old oak tree? I heard it was a pretty shady business.

11,132

What did sushi A say to sushi B? Wassa B.

11,589

I have developed an intolerance to gluten- -free people

187,936

That would be weird if a pirate got a mastectomy... wooden tit.

168,965

Asked for ""change for a dollar"" at the Dollar Store and they just gave me a different dollar.

100,123

Whenever I get a ""Final Notice"" letter from a bill collector, I assume this concludes our business transaction.

12,028

If diet and exercise are not working for you, try actually dieting and actually exercising.

56,933

What is a sluts favourite drink? 7-Up in cider

99,813

When you're at someone's house? Normal people: ""What a lovely house!"" Me: ""What's your wifi password?""

196,615

[getting escorted out of zoo] ""I just wanted to see if the panda knew kung fu like in the movie""

43,563

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

103,247

If everyday is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays.

181,984

There should be an MtF superhero group. They would be the Ex-Men.

136,320

Every so often my mother has a great idea, usually it involves leaving my house.

60,674

I'm surprised more black people don't relate with NASCAR... After all, there are no rights

225,075

Why did the console gamer cross the road? To render the buildings across the street.

211,401

I wish my kid had a ""BAD MOTHERFUCKER"" tattoo so that when asked which one was mine I could say ""THE ONE THAT SAYS BAD MOTHERFUCKER ON IT!""

165,653

So I woke up to find that someone had stolen my assignment for my communications class... I was speechless...